The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1890-08-03

always, Yes" Awful times at the thea
tre;dragging into dresses that each night
had to be frightened over the shoulders to
keep them from slipping off; waiting in
the wings, sure that ] could neither hear
my cue nor move when I did, then a
merry rush Oh, my voice sounding strange
and my laugh like another persons, and
the line of footlights wavering up and
down so fast that I seemed to be dancing
before wall Of fire. Then the nightly
swoon after it was all over, and being
lifted into the carriage which the man
agenent provided as matter Of business.
And through it all--Mr. Ned doing every
thing.
Mr.. Nedl Mr.. Ned, to whom I chung
in dumb gratitude for his kindness, in
spite of the nightmare of what he had
told me, and kept on telling me. l was
so afraid, too, that people would see.
The horror of being blamed for making
a good man forget his home and his
honor was always before me. For | was
sure he was good, and over and over
lifted weak hand to shut ont the hungry
light in his eyes, and said thatif he would
only try, in little while it would all
pass and his heart would 60 back where
it belonged. Each time he would an
swer;
'sAs long as live shall loge you
1 got all confused. He said such won
derful things. My head went round till
could not tell right from WRONG. Some
times when he told me that only if / was
good to him could he remember his CON
science and his honor, it seemed as if !
should do better by the wife, whom ]
never forgot, if I was patient and let
him love me. He argued, too, THAT he
asked nothing except to be allowed to
love me, and to serve me, and toIknow
did not hate him. And, of COURSE, did
not hate him. He laughed at all my lit
tie creed of right and wrong, till it
seemed stupid and narrow beside his
older knowledge; yet, even when Icould
no longer talk against him, believed in
my soul that my right was the best light,
and that if ! could only help him he
would come to it.
But at last grew afraid. Once after
the play / swooned, and came to myself
to find Mr.. Ned's arms holding meup,
and his lips taking my very life flpm
me. / cried weakly that he was cruel,
and he answered, No, MOI" that he mist
wake up my heart-that he loved ME,
although did not know what lose
meant. At that. and at the hunger If
his lips, became dreadfully frightened,
and struggled free, holding him at arms
length and staring, scared and Mortified
to see if should know him. He seemed
to remember himself, and said sullenly
that men were only brutes: that he must
not forget how much child was, nor
spoil all by frightening me; and saying
SO he left me.
lay weak and dazed. As the things
began to blur said, clasping my hands
and crying a little: please, dear Godl
I am not very good girl. but l don't
want to make any one wicked. Please
help mel''
We reached Philadelphia Miss Loo
wella had returned, and l could rest
Mr.. Ned took me to hotel, telephoned
for the doctor and came TO my room.
He was white and haggard, and his eyes
were dull. He stood beside the chair in
which was crumpled, and said hoarsely
that he could sooner shoot himself than
leave me; that the time Of pretense had
passed; that body and soul and all he
loved me, and if did not understand he
would teach me.
tore myself out of his arms, and my
lips from his. In the instant knew him
for what he was. stood straight on
my feet and cried that there was moth
ing in the whole world so hateful to my
sight as he. That i'll, alone and at best
only half size woman, was not afraid
of him, and that if he kept in my sight
another instant would choke him.
Somehow he crept out. l remember
crying miserably, my arms flung up.
ward, that OF all things in the world love
was the most cruel and worst. And
then l fell.