Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-03-20
leader or tin water-spout to the side of a

Look here, young man. says dad,
you're maxim pretty poor job of that.
You dom put in enough nails. and they
ain half drove in. Supposin' there was
a fire in that house some night, and the
family had to come down by the spout,
and your nails would give way and they'd
break their necks? What would you
think then? And l can tell yc'. what it
is, young man. can appear a. il ;;-ou for
doing poor work.
The timer grumbled. but he usei
more nails and drove EN- tight, dad and
me standin' by an looking at him. One
rainy night not long after this dad took
me out with him AID we stopped in
front of this house. Now, Bobbie
said he, 1 want you to climb into that
open secOnd-story window and then
slip downstairs and open the front door
for me; the family's at dinner"
How am l to get up, dad?' said I.
oh. you can go up the spout says
he: I'll warrant that it will hold you.
I've seen to it that it was put on good
and strong
Il tried it, and. as far as can remcm-
Der, I never went up safer spout
And you opened the front door?"
/ asked Aunt Martha.
Indeed did. ma am said the burglar"
''You wouldn't catch me maxim no
mistakes in that line.
After awhile I got too heavy to
climb spouts and I took TO the regular
business: and did well at it, too
DO you mean TO say" asked Aunt
! Martha, that YOU willingly and pre-
mcditatedly became thief and mid
night robber?"
| That's what I am, ma am said he:
/ Il don I make no bones about it. I'm
number one. double-extra back-springed,
/ copper-fastened burglar. with all the at
/ tachments and noiselcss treadle- That's
/ What am, and no mistake. There's all
| kinds of businesses in this world, and
/ there's got TO be people to work at every
| ono of EN-. and when fellow takes any
| particular line his business is TO do it
j we'll: that's my motto. When | break
| into I house l make it a point 10 clean
it out first-class and not TO carr away
no trash nuther. Of course I've had my
| ups and my downs like other people
| preachers and doctors and storc-keepers.
! They all have them. and I guess tn"
| downs are more amusin' than the ups, at
! least 10 outsiders. I've Just happened
| . think Of one of them and III let you
have il.
There vas man l knew named Jerry
: Hammond that was a contractor, and
sometimes he had pretty big Jobs on
/ hand. buil5in' or road maxim or some
/ him or other. He'd contract 10 do any
+ ming. would Jerry. no matter whether
/ he'd ever done il before or not. ! got TO
/ know MS times and seasons for collect
/ ing money and I laid for him"
..AbominabIe meanness.' exclaimed
ny wife.
! It's al business" said the stoutrnan,
! quite unabashcd. You don't catch 4
| doctor rcfusin 10 practice on friend.
| - 4 lawyer, nuther, and in our line Of
/ business its the same thing. II was
/ about the end of October. nigh four
| years a-o. that I found out that Jerry
! had d Let OF money on hand. He'd been
/ collrctin' it from different parties. and
! had got home TOO late in the day TO put
il in the bank. SO. says l to myself, this
i, your time. old fellow, and you'd bet
ter make hay while the sun shines. l
| vas 4 little afraid to crack Jerry-S house
so got a man named Putty Henderson
10 go along with me. Putty was a big
fellow and very handy with a Jimmy.
but ne was awful contrary minded, and
he wouldn't agree to clean out Jerry IN
til l promised to 90 halves with him.
| This wasn't fair. for it wasn't his Job.
and quarter would have been lots for
him
But there wasn't no use arCuin'. and
along we went. and about one o'clock we
was standin' alongside Jerrys bed where
he was fast asleep. He was a bachelor
and lived pretty much by himself. l
give him punch to wakcn him up. for
we'd made up our minds that that was
the way TO work this job. 1t wouldn't
pay Us 10 go around huntin' for Jerry's
. money. He was such a sharp old fellow
it was six 10 four we'd never find it. He
sat up in bed with jump like hop
toad, and looked first at one and then az
the other of Us. We both had masks
on. and it wasn't puzzlin' TO guess what
we was there fur.
Jerry Hammond says l. speahin
rather rough and husky. we knows
you've got a lot o money in this house
and we've come fur II. We mean bust
ness and there's no use foolin'. You can
give il 10 Us quiet and easy, and keep
whole head on your shoulders. or We II
/ lay You out ready fur q wake and help
ourselves 10 the funds; and now you
pays your money and you can take your