The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1890-12-19


SHF-"Let us sit under the grand old
oak and chat" He-"Beautiful tree.
And did you plant it yourself?'
GLASS shingles may do well enough
Tor the roofs of houses, but they will
not take the place Of wooden ones in
tie nursery department of household
economy.
THERE are 6, 800 practicing physicians
in Illinois, as is shown by the revised
list just prepared by the State Board Of
Health. and yet the State is gaining in
population.
MUDGE-"Doctor, If I wore to lose ny
mind, do you suppose I would be aware
of 1t MYSELF" DR.. Boless-"You would
not. And very likely none Of your &C.
quaintances would notice it either"
A GENTLEMAN from the country says
that he has no objection to a decent cot
tage, but that he has a strong antipathy
to houses which are Queen Anne in
front and Mary Anne at the back.
"SEE here" he said to his clerk, 81
don't mind letting you off for a day now
and then to attend your grandmother's
funeral; but l think you ought to have
the courtesy to send a few of the fish
around to my house."
MRS. CHURCH to Mrs. Meeting House
II did 80 want to go to the whist club
tonight, but it is Lent, you know, and
we have to give up things we wantm mort
to do and do the things we dislike, and
c1 oo-,l,IoI I'd rnp IN ovid unnnI <hn
evening with YOU"
81 RATHER like that idea," said Hen
ry, gazing at a man who was playing a
drum, cymbals, clarionet and four other
instruments at one time. "Why SOP"
asked William. "You have only to kill
man to wipe out the entire band"
was the s~anguinary reply.
"STRANGE," remarked Mrs. Brown, 81
have rung at Mrs. Smiths door three
times this week, and I didn't succeed in
raising any one. l suppose the family
is out Of town." POSSIBLY" replied
Mrs. Jones, but Mrs. Smith told me
just now shecould tell your ring among
q thousand"
BAGLKr-"Only a little party, my
dear boy. Mrs. Bagley insists upon your
coming" Ponsonby-''With pleasure"
"'That's right. And-e-by the way
you play the flute, 1 believer" eyes.
Shall l." "Leave it at home? You
have anticipated my very words. Yes,
by all means"
FoRE1GN POWER (saroastioally)-
Backing out, 1 see." Uncle Sam (sor-
rowfully)-''Yes, do as you please. 1
won't make any resistance" Foreign
Power (proudly)-"I knew you wouldn't
dare defy me-" Uncle Sam (hotly)-"1t
amt you I'm afraid of, you old fool. I
wouldn't mind a war. What I'm afraid
of is the pensions"
NERVOUS GENTLEMAN-"Now, be care
full how you drive, cabby, and go slowly
over the stones, for 1 hate to be shaken.
And mind you pull up at the right
house, and look out for those dreadful
cars" Cabby-"Never fear, sir,
I'll do my best. And which 'orsepital
would you wish to be taken to, sir, in
case Of In accident?"
"MY hands are awfully cold" said the
girl. suggestively, on the last
quarter OF q starlit sleighride. why
didn't you bring a muf with you?"
asked the practical young man, pro-
81 did" she snapped; but she
wouldn't explain where the muf had
gone to, and he has been wondering |
since just what she meant.
Rev. DIR. SUTTON once said to the late
Mr.. Peech, q veterinary surgeon: ''Mr.
Peech, how is it that you have not
called upon me for your ACCOUNT" "Oh,"
said Mr.. Peech, 81 never ask O gentle
man for money! "Indeedr" said the
vicar. "Then how do you get on If he
pay?" "Why," replied Mr..
Peech, latter q certain time / conclude
hat he is not a gentleman, and then I
,sk him."