The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1890-06-28
CHORES.
Disasters That Overlook Tw" Men while
Performing Them.

hbhb
Performing Them.
A gentleman who resides upon ono Of
the South side was recently
made tho victim of tho family chore
habit, says the Philadelphia News
This habit, as many married men Know
Is the fault OF their wives, who ask them
to do such domestic duties az splitting
kindling, carrying up coal, amateur
carpentry and plumbing IN tho ilk".
This particular mans wife had been
bounding him for weeks to administer a
necessary coat of varnish To the" hard
wood stairs I'm the house. II night no
came home with n brush. A week later,
after a number of curtain lectures from
his better-half, no Camo homo WIN Il
can of varnish. IIo found no would
need something to hin il, and IL was
still another week before no procured
this necessary ingredient. Then, al
though he had all tho matcrialSa at hand,
he kept postponing the vanishing from
day to day until tho varniSh nearly dried
up In the can.
But one morning our hero arose from
his downy couch and made up his mind
to get the job OFF his II Not caring
to soil his clothes, no resolved to go to
work in his undergarments, so no girdcd
up his loins, sought his varnlSh and
brush and started in on the top step of
the back stairway. Slowly he anointcd
zach separate step until he reached tho
lower hallway. Meantime his wife had
tripped down tho front stairway and
was preparing breakfast. AS sho said
it would not be ready for some time, her
husband thought no would varnish tho
front stairs also. He mounted to the
top and vanished down to the bottom.
Then his vito called to him that no had
better dress for tho morning meal 1t
was only at this point that no realized
the predicament in which he had placed
himself. His outer garments were all
upstairs and both stairways were Gov
cred with fresh varnish. lie sworo a
little and ate his breakfast en- dishabillo.
Then he sat In tho parlor until ono p. IN.
before the varnish dried sufficiently for
him to walk upstairs over it and dress
himself. Next time he will varnish up
ward.
When the little, round, fat man with
the gurgling laugh heard this story he
chuckled like a nutmeg CRATER. ~
know all about that economical dressing
up Of the house." no said. Last spring
our kitchen needed papering, and /
told my wife | could do 1t much cheaper
than we could hire 1t done. While she
admired my good intention she looked
q trife doubtful, but she said nothing,
and | went downtown and picked out
the paper. 1t was n big load to carry
home, but as | had started in to ccono
mize l perspired under tho burden
rather than hire an expressman. About
nine p. m, after tho hired girl had re-
tired, l shucked of my clothes and APP,
peared in regular ballet costume. |
4, made my paste with about half n barrel
of SO hour and | started in.
about 1880 p. m. my wife looked in
on me and said there was no need of my
papering the stove and the floor, both Of
which were covered with paste. | told
Then | fell from the step-ladder IN to n
length of aper, and arose to find 1t
firmly stuck all along my spine. Just
imagine the back breadth OF my red
flannel undershirt full Of blue hya-
cinthsl Along about two a. IN. | found
I had papered half of the walls, all Of
the floor and a majority of myself. |
was mad and tired and | vent to bed.
In the morning | had to remove the
sheets with an ink eraser. Then | wont
out and hired q scrub-woman and Il pro-
fessional paper-hanger. 1t cost me SI2
to paper my kitchen, and Two quit"