The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-05-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

Some girls are pressed for time and
Others for the fun of it.-Birmingham
/ Leader.
Much charity that begins at home is
/ too feeble to get out of doors. IerdS
!Sutings.
He believed in She-"Do YOU be-
lieve in true love?" He-''Yes, if her
father is rich
Political Never buy any
more votes than you absolutely need" !"
-Washtngton Post.
The silent man is the one we always
listen to with the greatest pleasure
Richmond Recorder.
She referred to the distiller whom
she had fascinated as her ''sour mash. :"
/ Merchant Irdueier.
There are some circles where it is
| only the man with the income that can
come -Binghanaton Leader.
What were your husbands last
words?" He hadn't any.n sobbed the
widow, Il was with him.n-N. Y. San.
That is speaking likeness of your
wife, Garrill." ''It couldn't be any
kind of likeness if it wasn't. ~ l.
Sun.
The greater the man the more re-
lentless the fury with which the peo-
pie pummel him when he falls
| 1tchiSon Globe.
First Tippler-'Well, how are you
getting along?" Second Tippler-"O.
L am gradually getting ahead -
Philadelphia Press.
There are self-made women. tailor
made women, and some who are simply
maid Each class speaks for ITSELF
Philadelphia Times.
A mans enjoyment of a melodrama
is intensified by the opportunity be-
tween the acts of having a mellow dram
or two.-Lo,ocU Citizen
| When the devil wants to train up a
young man in the way he desires him
10 go he imploys Idleness to boss the
| job.-1eras Syttngs.
In the matrimonial market it doesn't
make so much difference about a girls
complexion if her income is only fair.
-Burtlngton Free Press.
Miss Santa Fay-"They say Miss
Atchison has teeth like pearls" Mr..
| Topequer-"I shouldn't wonder. She's
as dumb as an oyster. ."-Pack.
Papa" said Willie, who had beer
down street, the town looks just the
same as it did," '.Why shouldn't it?n
Mamma said YOU painted it.-WaSh-
ington Post.
What is it, do you suppose, that
keeps the moon in place and prevents
it from falling?" asked Araminta. Il
think it must be the beams," said
Charley, softly.-N. Y. Sun.
Proprietor (frmly)-Your account,
Mr.. Weeks, has now been running for
six months Weeks (blandly)-''Well
suppose we let it rest for year or
two!'-Dry Goods Chronicle.
To say that a man is jovial is a
doubtful compliment. We don't be-
lieve that we ever knew man who
staid at home nights who was called a
jovial ow.-Atchis0n Gto6e.
McCormick-'I want two poached
eggs on toast" Waiter-'Yes, sir.n
Aud be sure and have them fresh
laid" Yes, sir; I'll have 'em laid on
the toast sir. y Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Watts-'.Her grief for him is
simply overwhelming" Mrs. Potts
1T is, indeed. understand that she
spent half of the life-insllrance for a
mourning suit. ."-7erre Haute Erpress.
A medical writer says that the
cholera microbe is shaped like a
comma. It's the colon, we believe,
that the microbe makes the objective
point in the stomach. .-Mercha,u TaUeE-
! CT.
Miss Observation-Disclosures you 60
| ing to Saratoga next summer" Mrs.
Oyergaiter-'.No, l think l will stay
home and use ice. 1t will be quite as
expensive, | fancy Ionkers States
man.
Briggs-"So James got five years.
Well, he ought to have known better.
Some men never will learn anything"
Braggs- What did he do?n Briggs
Talked back to policeman IN. Y.
Herald.
That is a spirited battle scene of
yours. What do you call it?" The
Charge You ought to paint COM
panion piece showing all those fellows
dead on the field and mark it Paid. ~
N. 7. Sun.
Dashly-"Dont you detest seeing a
80, not in all eases. | like to see some
women smoke" Dashley for
example?n Cashley-''Weli, other
mems wives. ."-Anerica.
Miss Gushlere-.How torturinm,
how fearful the thought must be for n
great singer to know she has lost her
voice!' Mr.. Praclere-"' Its much
more torturing when she doesn't know
it. ."-HarUard Lanpoon.
Walker-"Goo gracious, Wentman,
how you have changed-only ghost
of your former self? What have YOU
been doing?n Wentman-"Followi
out the Health Hints in the news
papers. ."-Anaerica1s Grocer.
Actress (to interviewer $50 YOU
want the facts of life? Well, to begin
with, | was born in Newark, n. j.
Interviewer guess I'll soften that
down little. I'll just say that you
were born abroad. ."-Light.
Friend-"Well Ethel how do you
like married life2n Ethel (enthusias-
tically)-'I It's simply delightful We've
been married week. and have had
eight quarrels, and | got the best of it
every time. ."-B0stonian.
There is one nice thing about being
an idiot. There is never any likeli-
hood of an idiots blowing his brains
ont. This information was given us
| bv one who knows, and is not based on
personal experience.-N. 7. Com
naercidl.
Smith, notice that Robinson had
an article in the paper this morning"
Jones" -"Indeed.I didn't see it. What
! - ,tI