Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-05-08
STINGINESS.
BY KATE THORN.
New York Weekly.

New York Weekly.
Now, by the term ''Stinginess" let no
body understand us to mean economy.
We mean stinginess.
A man who is economical, who lives
within his means, who makes his income,
however small it may be, supply his needs.
day square with the world, is wise man,
and other things being even, is happy
man. His family esteem him, his friends
respect him, and are not afraid to be
cordial to him lest he want to borrow
money of them, and the community trusts
him.
But stingy man, if there be anybody
on the face of the earth who loves him,
then the person aforesaid must be hard up
for something to love.
The stingy man is always planning how
he can manage without spending anything
He is continually telling his wife, and his
friends, how poor he is. He cannot afford
this, or that, because he is so poor! If he
has money, he says. he should be generous
with it, but how is man going to be
generous with what he hasn't got?
He is always trying to cut down the
household expenditures. Two pounds of
butter week ought to be enough for six
in family. Butter is unwholesome stuff.
1t vitiates the blood, and makes one
humery. And sugar deranges the bile,
and should be used very sparingly. Very!
Why his grandfather lived to be rinsty-
seven, and never had the toothache in his
life, and his diet was mostly brown bread,
and porridge.
The stingy man does not believe in toys
for children. When he was a boy he had
nothing but kite and stub-taiied dog
to play with, and he doesn't see but that
he is just as we'll off as if his parents had
laid out hundred dollars in Noah Arks,
and bicycles, and things, to clutter up the
house with.
He doesn't trust his wife with money.
If any thing is to be bought for the family
clothing, he goes with her shopping, and
puts in word when she is inclined to
exceed his estimate. and he pays for the
things himself, and remarks on the ex-
travagance of women. and how much
it costs to live And he generally adds
that if folks did not have to eat and be
clothed, how ntuch they could lay up!
The stingy man has small ears. His
hnger-Rails curl in so that the pennies
may not escape easily. His clothes have
been cleaned with bennene, and he carries
about with aim sort of Internal regions
OdOr most of the time. He wears his
shirt a week to save paying for the wash
ing OF two Or more, and Heaven pity
the washerwoman who puts it through
the sudsl He begs matches of his friends
He gets the children's pennies to make
change with, when the bgScher' s or bakers
bill comes in, and forgets to pay them back.
He doesn't want the cat so have any new
milk. 1t is liable to make her have fits.
If he lives IN the country he pastures his
cow in the highway, and raises turkeys,
which tramp over his neighbours fields,
and destroy his crops and raise the dick
eus generally.
The stlngy man goes to bed early to
save lights, aad gets up early because
he has heard 1T said Chat the early bird
catches the early worr. He tells his wife
that she is never SO beautiful as when
she wears calico dresses, and a woman
would wear straw mating If she thought
she looked pretty IN 1T. He hates silk,
and he adrnlres simplicity.
He walks carefully as if he was afraid
of laying out too much energy if he took
good solid stride. He buttons his coat
tight, and feels often In his pockets. His
um brel1a always hiss at least one rib
broken. He never ~~histles; he might
hat dyed and pressed. He walks every
his wife must walk, too, because women
generally get too little exercise. Just as
if the exercise of taking care of a family
of half a dozen, and doing it upon half the
means required, were not enough exercise.
v,,anf,l and ,,bxz-,aol fo,-
has the dyspepsia, and tGae neuralgia, and
the nervous headache, and half dozen
other diseases which naost hard-worked
women have to contend With
The stlngy man goes to church where
the pews are free. He likes broad view
of things, he says He likes the place
where the rich and the poor fare alike.
He doesn't like thes churches where all
the big-bugs sit in pews OH the center
aisles, just as if their religion and the
heavenly blessing came down in that spot
in full force, while all the Door people had
to sit under the outskirts of the cloud and
catch what stray drops they eould get.
The stlngy man never affords himself or
his family enough of anything. He is too
poor, he says. By and by, when he gets
something together, he hopes to be able to
do better. He hopes the times will be bet
ter. He is always growing about hard
times. He would sell anything he had for
money. He would sell his grandmother
coffin plate for old silver.
And so he lives on and scrimps and saves
and his wife does the same. and by and by
she drops into the grave his stinginess has
dug for her; and he mourns her loss in
cheap Grape for few months, and then de-
cides that it will be cheaper to have a wife
than a hired girl. And he marries again
And ten to one his second wife will
spend all the money she likes, and the
stingy man will be obliged to stand by and
look on, and groan in agony of spirit, and
if he dares to expostulate, No two will
tell him that ''she ain t the kind of woman
to be starved and froze, and pinched to
death, as poor Mrs. Boggs No. one was
No, indeed, Mr.. Boggs!'