News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1890-02-20
ALL SORTS.
law the Funny Men Are Earning
Their Money.


And on Ia grippe our tongues do slip,
But tick on influenza.
--Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
The milk delivered to the factory
Ought to be in good condition. That
is square.
There is one part of the farm that is
not benefited by drainage-the ma
nure heap.
Patti has one thing in common with
the Chicago girl-she can spread her.
self over a large area. = Baltimore
American.
Yonkers has musical prodigy. He
is twelve years old and hates the
sound of tin horn.-N. Y. CONNER
cial Advertiser.
The cable is great invention. 1t
enabled New York to sneeze as soon as
the influenza appeared in London
Milwaukee News.
Briggs-Wo Wonder what possessed him
to jump into the river?
Braggs-There was woman at the
bottom of it, | believe.-Terre Haute
Express.
He-Why should you be so angry at
me for stealing just one little kiss?
She-Any self respecting woman
would be angry with man who kissed
her just once.-Dramatic Critic.
\ ton, Of limburger cheese was re-
Gently shipped west from the factory
at Pamela Four Corners. Yet manu-
facturers complain that they are not
making scent.-Stafford Herald.
Mr.. Waldo (of Boston)-Wil you
have some of the cheese, Miss Breezy?
Miss Breezy Ga guest from Chicago)
oh, thanks awfully, Mr.. Waldo, /
believe you may pass me a small hunk.
Epoch.
People who say policemen are never
on hand when fight is going on
SANDER the force. There was prize
fight once and policemen seemed to
manage the show.-New Orleani
Picayune.
Doctor-''Ah, yes; / see you have
lung trouble"
Patient (hopeless consumptive)-
"Excuse me, doctor, but it strikes me
that it's no lung trouble. '-Kearney
Enterprise.
One merit of Wagner.-'How did
you like the Wagner operas, ClaraW
81 enjoyed them immensely. The per-
son back of you who always huns an
opera gets left when it comes to Wag-
ner. Chicago Herald.
Fame may be ornamental, but it
isn't much use to the man who has to
hustle seventeen hours out of the
twenty four for his daily bread, with
pie never any nearer than the horizon.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
A good thing can he carried too far.
A Boston man who had been told that
he was about TO die asked the doctor
for his bill, saying that he did not wish
to depart from his lifelong rule, "Pay
as you go."-Rome Sentinel.
In the Black Maria: Tags-"Wot
makes you sit up so kinder stiff an I'M
sociable?' Rags, loftily- "'Why, l
amt no common bloke, l amt. Mr..
Vangoulderbilt had me arrested for
Begin! ''-Munsey's Weekly.
A broad hint: Landlord to depart
ing guest 81 trust / may rely upon
your recommending my establish
ment!' Guest-'I don't happen to
have at this moment a mortal enemy
in the world !''-Humoristiche B1aet-
ter.
"Love is blind" Nonsense! Just
pay a little attention to some other
woman, and the woman who loves you
will see it even if the transaction Oc-
Gus ten miles away, with half hun
bred brick walls intervening.-Boston
Transcript.
"Thinketh no Evil.'-A lady is be-
ing examined in the police court. |
Magistra:e-'Well, madam, one thing |
at least seems to be certain; your hus |
band beat you" Witness (apologetic- |
ally)-"Yes, your honor; but then he |
always was such an energetic man.
Judge.
She Could Not Accept.-Gosliu--
miss Weehawken will you honor me
with your company to the opera on
Thursday?'' Miss Weehawken-"I'm
sorry, but lot of my friends are to
give me surprise party that NIGHT, and
Pm expected to stay at home. Mum
sey's Weekly.
st. Peter-What is your claim for
recognition and admittance?
Newly Arrived Spirit-In life was
never guilty of confessing to any an
noyance from woman's high bonnet
in theatre.
st. Peter-Angelic man! Here is
check for front seat.-Pittsburg Bull
letin.
Society: Little Chick-"What do
you let that ugly little thing come un-
der your wing for?" Old hen (who
has inadvertently Matched a ducks
eggl-'I can't help it, my dear.
We've got 10 put up with the creature
because she belongs to our set, you
know. New York Weekly.
Miss Pretty Gn tears and deep dis
mamma! I-went-to-
the-trunk-room-and - what - do -
Observation-Disclosures?
Mrs. Pretty-Pm sure don't know,
dear. Surely the moths haven't been
at your new seal sacque?
Miss Pretty--No, not so ba-ba-
bad as that-but moth was shut up
with my ba-bathing suit, and he ate
it all up.-Life.
Dancing Master (condescendingly)
| presume, Mr.. Oldboy, you never
learne to dance?
Mr.. Oldboy-I was once much given
to the habit, but have COTTON over it of
late years.
81 dare say You know little about
our modern dance?"
"For a number CT years | was thor
oughly familiar with an intricate dance
that you couldn't teach, professor"
(Excitedly) Name it, sir!"
"The st. Vitus. Chicago Tribune.
Druggist-"James, / wish you
would be particularly careful about .
your prescriptions this week"
J mes-''Yes, sir; Pm always as
careful as possible, sir"
Druggist-''Be especially particular
not to IL e arsenic by mistake when
yo1 are putting up quinine pills"
James-"l trust that my regard for
human life would prevent me making ,,
such stupid blunder."