The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1890-09-05
HOW OLD JOHN COT THERE
By Fooling the Colonel and the
Major He Got the Nomination
Himself.

AHSAS - q 0ASNb POAAbACctA 1ACu1 III
Simpson county, KY. over the approach
ing election Of a county judge. The
nominating convention was to meet on
Saturday, and ON Friday night two well
known politicians caught in a rain storm
stopped at the house of old John Perdue.
The politicians, Maj. Bloodgood and
Col. Noix, were sly candidates for the
coveted position-so sly, in fact, that
neither one knew of the schemes of the
other.
After supper, while old John and his
guests were sitting On the porch talking
over the coming struggle and listening
to a wet katydid that held vesper SER
vices in a locust tree, old John, getting
up and stretching himself, said to the
major:
Let me see you a moment, please"
The major followed him to the end of
the gallery. Major" old John whis-
pered, Il am compelledto tell you some
thing. You gentlemen are welcome to
stay with me as long as you like, but
ability to accommodate cannot always
be measured by willingness to do SO.
The truths | haven't but one spare bed"
but can't the colonel and / sleep to-
getherT" the major rejoined.
Eyes, you can, but the truth is the
colonel is awfully peculiar"
''How so!"
well, as rational as he appears while
stirring about he's a strange man in bed.
Our families, you know, are well ac-
quainted, and l therefore know all about
him. Hispeculiarity comes from a scare
he received when he was a child. It
seems that a dog once tried to bite him,
and now, just before he dozes off tc
sleep, he begins to growl, and unless
something is done to stop him he begins
to bite fearfully."
"Humph," the major grunted, chats
odd, but what car be done to stop him
after he begins to growl?"
well, his brother told me how he
used to work it. He always took a coarse
comb to bed with him and would rake
> the colonel with it when he began tc
growl. AS strange as it may seem, ii
was the only thing that would quiet him.
The family doctor said that a comb was
somehow the only thing that would start
the DlOOu TO clrculaLlnG.
''That's very odd. And would it quiei
him?"
would make him act just like a
lamb. Why, he ulster insist that his
brother should take the comb to bed with
him. He don't like to have any one
mention the freakish misfortune, as he
always terms it, but it would be doing
him a great favor if you would take the
comb to bed with you and give him a
rake in case he should begin to growl. !
am telling you this because | am your
friend. and because / know that you are
good timber, and especially because J
hope that you may secure his influence
if you should eyer desire any Office.
Don't you know that we always respect
the man that understands our peculiar
tiles before we are asked to explain them
to him? He is sensitive that way, and il
he sees that you understand him he will
then know that you have had your eye
on him, have held him in your mind"
"A1l right. You get me the comb,
and will go through with the cere.
mony when the time comes"
Here's one, put it in your pocket"
They returned to the colonel, and after
a while, when the major stepped into the
house to get a drink of water, the old
maj said:
"You and the major are good friends.
am glad to see."
EYES," replied the colonel, 81 thinl
he is a first rate fellow"
"Glad you like him, for you and he
will have to sleep together tonight. foi
the fact is | have only one spare bed"
"That will be all right / reckon" said
the colonel.
Yes, but the truth is the major is
the most peculiar fellow you ever saw"
"In what way?"
GAS a bedfellow. l am very intimate
with his family and know all about him.
1t seems that he had a nervous trouble
when he was a boy, and could not go to
sleep until some n growled like a dog.
have known him to lie tossing in bed
for hours at a time, and then when ]
would go to his bed and growl he would
doze off like d lamb"
II never before heard of an afiiction
SO strange" said the colonel.
II either, but then it is a very easy
matter to relieve him. He and a fellow
named Buck johnson were once oppos.
ing candidates for prosecuting attorney.
Well, they had to sleep together one
night. Buck knew of his peculiar attic
ton, and shortly after shey went to bed
Buck began to growl. The major didn't
say anything that night, but next day he
withdrew from the race, declaring that
he would not run against SO good a man
as Buck.
"You don't say sol" exclaimed the
colonel.
"Yes l do, and know it to be a fact.
I would advise you to humor him in the
same way"
9Th do So"
"IIush, he's coming back"
eve are going to have more rain, l
think" said the mjor, as he resumed his
seat.
Eyes, the colonel responded, "but l
hope that it will not interfere with the
convention. If the attendance is large
and the proceedings harmonious, the
result will be of great benefit to the
county"
who do you think will be nominated
for iudge?" old John asked.