The morning call., 1890-12-14
JEEMS KAYE
VISITS THE QUEEN.
How the Provost of Stra'bunso
Was introduced.
The Wedding Present From the Citizen. Of
S.ra'bun go to Prince Henry-The Prince
Not Comfortable in kits.
Written for THE SUNDAY CALL.

the Queen. We heard plenty ABBOTT that but
it's no generally kennel that the Stra' bungo
anes were up as weel. They were, though.
a the -same-me, the Provost, the Senior
Bailie, Mr.. Pinkerton and the Toon Clerk.
We geld up tae thank the Queen forgettin'
her youngest dOchter married, and addin'
anither Prince tae our pension list. Az we
had nae court dresses, we put ON our Sun
day suits, an what better could ANYBODY
look for? We were tell't that in the court
dress it was proper tae haze sword, so we
thocht we MIGHT manage that / took nv
volunteer ColonePs sword wi me. and Mr..
Pinkerton got the lend O. the Majors. As
there were nae mair swords handy we
armed the Toon Clerk wi a rife, an really
we looked martial-like-we, our Sunday
hats, our swallow-tails. an our swords aad
guns. Aft we geld, Bailie, frae Buchanan
street Station in saloOn-carrlage,
1t was lang journey. So after we had
started we lirhted our pipes, and, the Toon
Clerk producin' a pack O. cards, we played
AVA at some kind O. game for bawbees.
MIR. Pinkerton. however, could seldom tell
king frae jock, SO we didna come much
speed. CThere's ane thing l aye dae when
am playing cards. an would advise We tae
dae the same. Bailie-ye be reachin' out
yer hand tae pick up the tricks; it's aston
ishin' how meny We are allowed tae pick up
without word)
What wi eatin' an sleepin' an playin' at
cards we passed the time wonderfully
Then the Toon Clerk opened a parcel an
took out coneertina an played ''We're a.
Noddln'" ont, tae see if the keys were
working properly. We arrived at last, three
or four bare-egged Hielandmen usherin' us
tae BalmOral Castle, an ane O them payin'
on the bagpipes.
We were shown intae room till the
Queen could get Prince Henry dressed in
ii, Ii
Somebody-l didna ken who he was-iu-
structed US as to our behavior Whenever
we heard the door opening We were tae fa'
down on our knees. grasp our swords in our
richt hands an place our left on our hearts,
thus indicatin' a at once our devotion, our 10y
atty an our love. SO we prepared tae meet
our Queen.
" Attention - says l. "Pu' down yer
waistcoat, Mr.. Pinkerton, an toozle yer hair
a wee; it mak's We look learned-like. AN
for any sake put down that eg O. yours,
canny. an no haze ii stampin' ava over the
lacks. Wheesht, nowl Be as quiet as if
ye were sittin' for your photograph"
dinna see the throne, Provost" says
the Toon Clerk.
'Oh, it'll, maybe be up the stairs in the
draw VIZ replied. Il hope Wen see
tae get some music. Mind il the Queen offers
tae play on the pianny ask for some CLASH
cal music; don't be CRYING for The Wind
That Shakes the Barley or When Ye Gang
AVA, jamie or anything like that, mind"
Here the door opened an in walked the
Queen, just an ordinarie-loOkin' body, wi
no crown on her held or scepter in her hand
Down We a fell on our knees, a. except Mr.
Pinkerton. As his Widen leg wadna bend
he leant on sofa an spreadin' out his leg
behind him he bent the ither ane an held
ON by the back O. a chair. Indeed, he had
as much difficulty in gettin' intae position
as ane o your circus horses when it's kneel-
ing down to fire off cannon.
"Rheumatlsm," says the Queen.
"Widden leg, Men," says L; run over
by a tramway-caur. But he got big dam
ages, SO mes naething tae complain about
Allow ME to Introduce you. Mr.. Pinkerton,
our Sanior Baiiie, Queen Victoria, defender
O the faith. Del graiia, etc., etc.. as it says
on the back O. the hauf-crowns."
land is it really you, Mr.. Kaye?" says the
Queen. You remember Inc speaking to
you at the review? And how's trade with
youg
Middlin', Mem; jist mddlin'. Prices
are cut very low; there's an awful OPPOSE
ton. 1ere weel off that has nae opposition.
Ii was that way, widna | raise the price O.
the hunnerweichts l believe l would get
them up tae shiliin';. The crops are look
in weel up this way"
They are, Mr.. Kaye; we've had plenty
of heat"
"Ah, Mem; that's the thing An when
dae We expec' tae lie down our way, Mem ?
We would a be real glad tae see We. We
would get up procession for ye. Aud so
we've got the Princess married, Mem?"
Indeed, / have, Mr. Kaye" and here her
Majesty smiled.
That's RIGHT, Mem. The Scriptures say
it's no good for man tae be alane. l can
only hope that Henry is grateful for the
guild devastating. And how is he, Mem
We haze a wee bit surprise in store for him
a concertina, subscribed for by the inhabi-
taDts o Stra' bungo as sma' mark O. esteem.
A classes subscribed. from the highest tae
the lowest. But
Here he is himself, Mr.. Kaye" An in
walked Prince Henry WI his kits on, an
his legs lookin' as if he had been among
nettles wi them.
AYE, aye! And this is Henry, is it?
Och, its extra ordinare! Ye would never think
he was sich a one. Man, man! I'm proud
tae meet We, Henry; an If ever ye're aroun'
our way, We'll be glad tae see you, an I'll
TAX We drive out tae the Shaws on a tram
way caur, and yell see the mules we haze
rinnin' in them. An I'll show the Cross
myloof bakery. and | diana ken what a.
Now, Mem, the Toon Clerk III read the ad-
dress tae rewritten on vellum by mis- ap-
prentice, for which we had tae gle him hauf
a sovereign, and l thocht it was dear
enough; however, it's paid now, SO
there's nae use in sayin' anything mair
duuut Ia. OCH, we IL JiSt nauQ II ta6
ye, an ye can read it at yer
leisure. Mem. An as for you. Henry, here's
the concertina = brass rims, mahogany
boards, twenty-four keys, every one electro
plated, and wi an inscription on the top,
showin' the Stra 'bungo coat O. arms. And,
Henry, when ye're out in the woods here
about, We can sit down an play Nancy Till ,
ont tae put We in mind O hame. Believe
me, Henry, it's better tae be born lucky
than rich"
Henry took the concertina, made O bow,
an said: Very goot, gentlemen"
=" Ye may weel say that, Henry" says l.
And DOW, Mem. / don't think there's any
thing else tae say, but we await your COM
mands."
Hand me your sword, Mr.. Kaye"
In great fear l geld it, for 1 thocht was
going tae get my held cut off, and mentally
cast my e'e over a my misdeeds. How
ever, her Majesty took the sword, and
giein' me crack on the held wi it, she
says:
II am graciousy pleased to command.
Rise up, Sir James Kaye"
Il felt my heart stoDpIn' and gasped for
breath. Here was crownn' monument tae
lang life spent on behalf O. my fellow
craturs.
rose up, made profound bow down tae
the ground, and then says: "Oh, Mem,
will we allow heart burstin' wi gratitude
tae ask ye ii We will max my aud freen,
Mr.. Pinkefton, a purveyor tae his Royal
Highness by special appointment"
Certainly, Sir James"
And the Toon Clerk Hereditary Grand
Writer tae the Signet for Scotland"
''Assuredly, Sir James. Anything else ?"
Matching, Mem; naething, thank We.
Except that We were aye going tae order a
wagon or twa fra me, but alter this I'll
send ye up hanf wagon for naething-ye'lI
have naething tae pay but the carriage
And I'll see that we get Henry presented
wi the freedom O. Stra' bungo as soon as /
get back"
Then we had refreshments-they were
the avenue by the bagpipes again, and we
came home.
MIR. Pinkerton is getting his sign newly
painted, wi lion at one end an a unicorn
at the ither and crown in the middle. be-
tween Peter" and "Pinkerton," and he
says his fortunes made.
I'm nae vera sure if I'll Ca myser ..Sir
James" or no, for they say it costs heap
o silver tae keep it up, but must sign nv
sci for once, SIR JEEMs KAYE, Bart.
Per JENNY Broom, secretary and first
cousin tae Sir Jeems.