St. Paul daily globe., 1890-04-02
MINNEAPOLIS.
APRIL FIRs,%LETs.
"What fools these mortals be"
And lis the case,
For sires of fools have made
U'h.a hyO1aO raca

For SlreS OF leolS litNS lHuuc
The human race.
Yesterday was All Fools day, and the local
members of that wide fraternity took day
off to practice their pleaSantrieS upon the
rest of mankind. There are mum erous set
of people that might be classed in The cate
CORY. and although their identity is not
known in all cases the results of their out
pourings are visible upon every SIDE
The Tribune celebrated its natal day by
column special that must have drawn largely
not only upon the imagination but also upon
the private sideboard of the perpetrator 1t
is understood that one small boy ana a de
cripet old man, who wears palr OF croSSeyeu
spectacles, were inspired upon to such an
extent that they read the article through.
The rest of mankind read the headlines, ana,
smiling a superior smile, passed over the
article as they have been in the habit OF
doing with the editorials in the same sheet.
The final explanatory line was unnecessary.
The child who built the article has been con-
fined to his bed ever since from over-eX-
ertion, and softening OF the brain is feared.
The fake detective of the journal passed
the dav in a wild chase for various rumors to
be hunted down. There was wild, mysteri-
Gus look about him that penetrated through
his disguise, which consisted OF linen dus-
ter and pair of boxing gloves worn en-
regle. He is now engaged in hurting choice
eXpletives at the heads of the people that
put him on TO the alleged scoops.
The interview editor of the Star wore away
several shekelS' worth of oak-tanned sole,
leather in still hunt for Henry Willard, and
is now hunting for the man who gave him
the pointer that the great tinancier was III
town.
Tom Lowry spent the day in attempting to
perfect a new electric conductor that would
collect nickels automatically and do away
with a large part OF his present salary list.
The patent will be gwen to the public one
year from date.
Mai Bassett received word that a special
~ bn nf la q
and that resolutions had been adopted favor
ing the reduction of the tariff on red tape,
T. B. Walker received private dispatch to
the effect that the WaShburn-Crosby com
pany would remove its plant to Buffalo and
erect line of elevators from Duluth TO that
city.
c. j. buell. and Dr. Finnegan each received
notice that their resignation was asked Tor by
the ASnine Association Of Repressed Re
formers, and prepared communication ask
ing for specific charges.
Joseph ManniX received a notification of
his election to the presidency OF the Mime
apolis kickers club, which contends that a
man has right to Kick because he IS lucky
enough to be on earth. lie owes his election
chiefly to his lifetime experience as police
reporter
il. b. Hudson received quiet trip telling
where book beeI could be purchased at two
glasses for five cents and found upon prompt
Investigation that the number given was Oc-
cupied by a vacant lot
Frank Larrabee received an offer of mar
Ciage from DR.. Mary Walker, and declined
promptly by telegraph.
Ed j. Davenport received private informa-
ton TO the effect that his salary was to be
doubled, and an appointment offered him to
the postotfice at Sleepy Eye.
Col. sessions was asked to run for mayor
on the straight @. A r. ticket, which he de-
clined for various reasons
Postmaster Ankeny received notification
that the female clerks in the postotlice would
strike unless the government furnished them
with a supply Of chewing gum. He replied
that he wished to be notified when the strike
occurred. as he would have no other means
of becoming informed. They were there as.
ornaments only.
One of the members of the Business Mems
union was busy hunting for the other mem
ber that sent HIM notice to the effect that
the union would hold meeting at the rooms
of the exposition board Yesterday. He
found solace in a neighboring hardware
store, in company with the reporter VINO
went 10 do the meeting.
Golightly Morrill, received request to de-
liver the funeral Grafton over the Catholic
church. The communication stated that
Rev. Mr.. Burgess would lend his able assist
aDce.
David James Burrell received q telegraphic
call from Burmah, the offer containing an
annual income of $4,000 and the use of a
white elephant with a satin canopy for use
during promised tour of the Holy land.
A collection was being taken up by the
school Of fine arts for the purchase of a
crown for Prof Waters, the garrnlous art
critic and lecturer to be worn on the first
dav of each successive April, until worthier
representative presents himself.
Chief Bracket received notice that the Sal
vation army intended TO lay siege to police
headquarters, and advised a strong reinforce
ment armed with gatlng guns, and boxes of
Superintendent Snyders cigars.
Morton and HOch received a special dis
patch from the weather clerk, stating that
the planet Mars was suffering from a severe
case of hay fever, which would effectually
interfere with his managing the weather for
them in future. The probabilities are that
they will have 10 get along without any
weather TO speak of for a considerable length
of time.
Gil. Farley swooped down upon a bulky
wallet that Teposed near convenient curb
stone and succeeded in sequestering it in the
privacy of his own vine and roof tree. He
went out into The back yard and stubbed his
toes against his anatomy for q considerable
length of time, when he found that it was
filled with l. .. US and q bundle of quarter
notes.
young lady at the telephone Office re-
ceiVed call from the Pioneer Press edito-
rial rooms at l o'clock last night: Hello.
Hello, central. Is Ella there?' ELLA who?'
"Elevate-of course" "Saucy thing, um,
Wur'-smash!
Manager Reagan received cable message
from Paris, asking if he would like to trade
the Minneapolis city council for the EIfel
tower. The message advised its use Tor the
benefit of some of the Minneapolis clergy
men, for the locating of sin.
The shells furnished Dell Allen at the gun
= club shoot yesterday were loaded without
shot. Dell didn't hit bird He forgot that
it was the lst of April until it was toolate.
Roger Val received all invitation to at
TEND the next meeting of the Methodist min