Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-10-06

Much current wit is overdone, and
more is done over.
All men have their uses. Even the
crank serves his turn.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks,
but you can buy new dog.
Mems sins, it is said, always find them
out. That isn't half so bad as if they
found them in.
sit is the most truthful newspaper in
the world. Why, even its bear stories
are true" 'sGreat Scott! Then L don't
want it."
Hi, waiter, this blue fish is not quite
so fresh as the one you brought me last
week!' Excuse me sir, it's one of the
very same lot"
A newspaper man in a neighboring Of
flee found on his desk one morning no.
tice headed ''Dide." Then he knew some
thing terrible had happened.
81 know how to pronounce Mpwapwa. !"
sDo you? How?" ''Well, 1 prefer not
to try it now, but wait until you hear
Jimpson's baby say papa"
What have you been doing since / saw
you? said a congressman to one of his
constituents. I've been editing paper.
Get anybody to take it? Yes, the sheriff.
Druggist-Don't forget to shake that
medicineI PATIENT guess | shan't for
get it, I've had malaria so for the last
ten years that do nothing but shake all
the time.
Well well, you've got back from your
vacation. How did you enjoy yourself?
Oh, so, so; but there's no place like home
after all. That's what we all go away to
find out.
Chow do you like keeping house in the
West?" ''It's very difficult" Servants
and provisions hard to get?" mo. So
hard to keep the house itself when the
wind gets lively"
A little girl five years old was told by
her teacher that the Mississippi was the
father of waters. How is that? she que
ried; if it is the father of waters, ought
not it to be Mister Sippi.
"You like SOUP remarked Mrs. Small
pleasantly as she helped Mr.. McWatty
the second time. ''Yes'm," replied Nc
Watty, cor l wouldn't swallow so much
water to get a little"
Speaking of strong men, said Wash
ington citizen, 1 had a brother once who
held up barrel of flour. That's nothing,
was the reply, have a brother who once
held up train.
"Rastus," said the judge. that is seri-
Gus charge you bring against Mr.. Smith
ers. Will you swear to it?" "Sw'ar to
it? Sutt'nly, jedge. I'd sw'ar to anything
to oblige you, jedge."
In school'near Manchester the other
day, the teacher asked a boy how the
earth was divided, and the boys answer
was, Between them that have got it and
them that want it..
One of the sold timers remarked to
US 1.-THE other evening that a know all
friend of his knew everything but one
thing and that was, he didn't know how
much he didn't know.
Pompous PartY-SO you are the ex-
change editor, young man? Nautically
speaking, you are clipper? Searnelle-
No. Inasmuch as ply the scissors for
a living, 1 am a revenue cutter.
When the bad boy sings II want to be
an ANGEL" so sweetly az Sunday school,
the neighbors who know him week days
can't help wishing fervently that he could
have his want gratifed right away
The summer hotel keeper who adver-
tised that there would be notables at his
hotel, swore pretty hard at the proof
reader when he was asked next day if his
guests were expected to eat off the floor.
Johnnie, you may give me the name of
some wild flower, said a teacher in bota-
nv. Johnny thought awhile and then
said, Well, / reckon Injun meal comes
about as near being wild -four as any,
thing.
Primus-Of course you understand me,
| am not going To undertake my autobi-
ography from motives of vanity" Sc
course not-of course not;
rather to discipline your pride, 1 should
think.
You were pretty badly in debt when I
saw you last, said politician to one of
his constituents. Are you meeting your
notes now? L should say so, was the re-
ply. can't turn a corner without meet |
Ing one Of them,