Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-10-31
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Licked for two cents-A postage stamp.
Fancy work-Building castles in the
air.
Where there is no liquor-In prison
bars.
"He was great boy. He was in for
everything" "He's in for five years,
now. y Chatter.
You can generally get point on insect
life by making yourself familiar with the
bee.-Teras SJtings.
There are good many things that 60
without saying, but woman is not one of
them. Joseph Neps
While we have so many lakes in this
country, there is only one that is really
Superior. .-Teras Sgitings.
In early days the schoolmaster
'boarded around" himself, but he shin
gled the boys.-Ieras Siftings.
Mamma, let me hold the baby, will
you2" "No, dear; mother is afraid you
might let him fall on Fido. Life.
1t is often impossible to distinguish ST.
,7ace from wisdom, because they are fre-
quently the same thing .-Dallas Nsps.
Don't weep. for animalcule
Within all moisture squirm;
Don't sigh, because your breathing may
Communicate germ.
Toronto Empire.
It is an awful strain on woman's pa-
tience to have husband who thinks he
knows how to cook Terre Haute Er-
press.
Nothing delights)a small man so mucL
as to have chance to call great man
in public by his first name.-Somer0ih
Journal.
Time is the essence of all contracts,
except when you endeavor to contract
for suit of clothes on time.--JeWeters'
Circular.
Impressionable Charlie Ito elderly
beauty)-"Will you be mine?" Elderly
Beauty-"No, Charlie, but I'll be
mother to you. "-Lippincott's.
A sheriff seized college for debt some
time ago, and an inventory led to the dis
covery that the assets consisted of first
class yell.-Binghamton Leader.
Woman may be trusting creature,
and all that, but she isn't apt to be de.
ceived into giving too much credit to
another woman.-Elmira Gazette.
The man who knows everything labora
under misrepresentation, He seems to
think that everybody wants to hear every
thing. He is wrong.-Dallas Ne,os.
Your faults to others you should never men,
ton;
Your friends will give that duty due atten-
tion.
philadelphia Times.
She (nervously)-"What do you think
of my biscuits, deara" He-"H'm! I
don't care exactly to give an off
hand opinion on weighty subjects.
Bazar.
Mrs. Peterby-"Don't you think it is
very remarkable that swan should sing
before dyingl" Judge Peterby-.''Not
so much so as I would if they sang after
dying. y Teas Sytings.
"I don't believe in allowing domestics
to get the upper hand. / make my SER
want keep her place" ''You are lucky.
Ours never does for more than three
weeks. ."--4merican Grocer.
Benevolent Person-s'I hope you treat
your horses well and give them plenty of
hay" Driver-"Well, can't afford to
buy 'em much of it, but says 'heyH to
them as often as can. Light.
''Leave the house," said the irate debt
or. 81 couldn't hope to take the house
with me, with so heavy a mortgage on
it, retorted the creditor-but he did
take it later on.-Muasey's Weekly.
"Good intentions are often thwarted
in the most mysterious ways" as the
young man remarked when his best girl
sneezed just as he was on the point of
kissing her.-Bvlington Free Press.
"But sir, to kiss
A miss
Is wrong, you see."
81 do not kiss
Anliss