The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1890-08-30
RELIGION IN HIS POCKETS

ton, but to Tobe it was a necessity.
Once he awoke at midnight, and,
unable to go to sleep again, lay toss
ing and groaning. Whut's the mat
ter, Tobe? his wife asked.
Oh, | dunno; | am all outer sorts.
Don't you think it's becaze you
amt whipped no body lately?
Vas, that's the very reason.
Wall, git up an whup yo' brother
in-law, an then so to sleep.
He got up, whipped his brother in.
law, and then slept like sycamore
los.
Tobe had whipped old Bill Nor
gan once every week for the past
ten years. Bill, extremely elastic in
disposition, did not lose hope; he
took boxing lessons of the new cir
cult rider; and then, with great con-
hdence, invited Tobe to whip him.
Tobe did 50; and then Bill mounted
his gray mare, rode over to the
Mount Zion Westinghouse and
"whaled the circuit rider for teach
ing boxing under false pretenses.
One night, during a heated re-
vival in July, Tobe was stricken with
conviction and, yielding to the en-
treaties of his wife, went to the
mourner's bench and placed his re-
pentant head on the white oak slab,
He poured forth a stream of lamen-
tations-declared after the manner
of a great apostle that he had been a
chief among sinners, and vowed that
if the Lord would exercise his mer-
ciful pardoning power, he would,
every year, contribute a sheep to
the religious barbecue, and would
refrain from fighting to the best Of
his ability. Suddenly he sprang to
his feet and declared that his sins
had been wiped out with a tender
hand, and that he was prepared to
meet his friends who had gone be-
fore, and that any man in the con-.
gregation might enjoy the privilege
of calling him horse thief without
incurring the danger of being
thumped.
Old Bill Morgan was particularly
del GIFTED with the conversion, and
after shaking hands with Tobe,
turning to friend remarked: | have
got him on the hip now, an I'll bet
you a bull,tongue plow an set of
rope gear that | whup him beto' the
week out.
Tobe wrote out a confession of
faith on piece of paper bag, and
carried it in his hip pocket. At
night when he would awake and feel
that he must whip some one or toss
sleeplessly on his wheat straw bed,
he would reach over, grabble his
confession out Of his pocket, read it
over, take chew of long green to
bacco and then worry along as best
he could. One evening while he
was milking blue looking COW that
wore a mischievous wink, old Bill
came up to the fence.
Brother Tobe, said he, | think the
time for me to whup you have came.
Do you reckon it have? Tobe re-
piled, turning loose the blue cows
milk nozzle and wiping drop of
pale milk from his horny hand.
Vas, | low SO.
All right, Tobe responded, and,
taking the confession Of faith from
his pocket, he put it on top of the
tence, placed a stone upon it and
said: Faith in things that have been
an air yit to come, rest thar till l
maui this sinner.
He climbed over the fence and
few moments later Bill, with stitch
in his side and a sciatic disturbance
of the hip, limped toward his humble
dwelling. The next evening when
Tobe was again eking a few drops of
milk from the blue COW, Bill came
up to the fence and said: Pear to
be enjoyin' yo'se'f putty well.
Vas, reasonable SO. Have you
got well?
Not exactly-5till got a shootin'
pain in my hip.
Did you come over fur a clost so
citation with me?
No, I'm about as well acquainted
with you as l keer to be. l lowed
that after fessin' 'ligion you mout be
leetle more tender in yo' manners,
but | find out that you hain't. You
didn't git very strong dost, did
you?
Vas, strong enough for all practi-
cal purposes. When l halter fight
a man l jest lay my faith aside.
That's the reason | writ it out on
paper.
Wall, some day | mout meet you
when you KANT git it outen yo'
pocket in time an whup you like
putin out fire.
That mout be, but I'm powerful
quick A man that KANT make his
religion handy oughtenter have none.
When a person hnds that his religion
is sorter crowden' him, why he's
might apt to turn it loose.
Vas, reckon that's so. l got
three CT fo' sorts before found one
that fit me right well. | tried one
over Terrapin Hill an several down
in the swamps an none OF 'em stuck
till | got holt of the sort that they
showed out at Bugg's meetin'- house.
l reckon I'm all right now.
Think you've got enough to last
you, eh?