Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-10
nrrcrAr TELEGRAM 10 THE prsrAroH.,


lam 81. Sherwood held all spellbound by
his display of force and genius on the
piano. The Schubert Quartet was received
we'll.
At $50 o'clock Mr.. George Vincent came
forward and announced that the genial Bob
Burdette had arrived and would talk.
NOT GOING TO TALK FUN.
81 am not going to be funny this after
noon," began Mr.. Burdette. II have come
to Chautauqua for eight years and now
shall not try to be humorous. Not one day
have you ever went through with supreme
happiness from dawn to dark; so you see
this is dismal world. When you don't
try to have good time the good time comes.
You advertise and expect a good time at
Sunday.school picnic and you never enjoy
yourself. Try to be miserable and you will
be happy before you know it. You do not
hunt for friend here on the Chautauqua
grounds, but stand still and he will run over
you.
"I had two dogs, long dog and a short
dog. When they would fight the short dog
would think he was fighting two dogs.
That is the way lots of people try to find
happiness where there is no happiness.
HORRORS AXE FUNNY.
"The funniest things in life are the hor-
rors and miseries. Now the first thing that
a man ever writes funny things about is the
stovepipe. Why, man when he looks at
the stovepipe never laughs; he usually says
something else, but when he reads about it
in a funny paper, a few days after, he laughs
like everything and says he had wrestle
Just like that once himself. He did not see
the fun in it at the time.
"a fellow falls down stairs with neatness
and dispatch, never touches a step, and if
he does he wishes he had not. He regards
it as an awful accident, and swears; but the
next day he sees caricature in some funny
paper and laughs like everything.
"Now wit, they say, is more polished and
refined than humor; is more like sword
than humor, and is keener and brighter. I
admit it, hut would rather be struck with
a hoe handle of humor than your sword any
day. When you get joke on the witty
man he is ready to fight. It's not any fun
for me if you stick an iclcle down my back.
MELANCHOLY HUMoRIsTs.
melancholy men. Washington Irving wrote
Knickerbocker's history when he was weep
ing over the death of his sweetheart. We
often think there would be nothing but fun
in this world if we could run things. Why,
if you would 90 home and ask your family
if they would let you run the weather for
few days they wouldn't trust you with it
for an hour. They know you best.
"How much joy there is in the old home
steadl Everybody was born in an old
homestead. Lots of people who were born
in New York fiat honestly believe they
were born on homestead. Did you ever
sleep on one of the old beds up among the
family herbs and rafters? The bed is regu-
lar old-fashioned Dutch bedstead about II
feet high. You wake up in the night and
find your feet on the railing sticking up
like the Eiffel Tower. My friends, the
world is full of happiness. There is no bit
terness unless you make it. Make fun in
A TALK ON GESTURES.
DR.. Buckley, of New York, is inimitable,
argumentative, philosophical. He slashes
right and left, and uses practical examples.
Some say he is irreverent, but he is not.
He wishes to wake people up. To-day he
spoke on "Gesticulation."
''The child" he said, "as soon as it de-
velops muscular power begins to make
gestures, and usually very vociferously.
Savages use great many gestures because
of the ineficiency of their language. The
English gesticulate very little. and
the French use a great many gestures. The
Russians gesticulate most vocierously, and
to see crowd together, by the rapid move
ments of their arms you might think they
were on the very point of killing each other,
until you see them order another drink of
beverage.
Northern oratory and Southern orstory
are entirely distinct. The Southern oratory
is decidedly the classic oratory of this
country. All over the world women are
more graceful in their gestures. AS civil
ization advances less gestures are used.
NEwToN's ABsTRAcTIoNs.
"Men are never exhausted by abstraction
or by reverie. Isaac Newton would invite a
friend to dinner, and before the arrival of
his guest go down in state of abstraction,
eat all of the chicken and return to his
room. When his friends came to dinner he
would be utterly surprised to find the
chicken bones on the table, and ask for an
explanation of it.
Primitive thought and inclination are the
impulses of proper gesture. You can very
often make false gesture with your hand
bnt never with your eyes or face unless you
have learned the polite art of hypocrisy. A
young man sits down across the room from
the young lady OF his love and says, ''I ANA
young man and have saved $25, 900; nv
mother lives 800 miles away; my iather is
in business in Europe and will make YOU
good husband" with his eyes shut and no
expression of countenance and he will never
be accepted.
WHERE SHE'S IN DANGER.
"But if he sits down on the same sofa, at
her side, and by and by gets hold of her
hand-if she does not want to marry him
she better get up"
La his closing remarks DR.. Buckley who
detests woman suffrage came to speak of the
growing tendency in American society to
be less polite to women in general. Twenty
years ago If woman entered a car, no
matter whether the daughter OF Crpsus or q
washerwoman, she was given a seat by a
gentleman imm ediately. Now the lady
may enter any crowded street car and the
men present will sit stolidly and indiffer-
emily hold their seats. The Republic is
leveling. II the woman wishes to be
citizen on the same level as the man she
must expect that she shall be treated in all
things as an equal.
BURDETTE WAS LATE.
Bob" .Burdette was late. Mr.. Vincent
announced his .non-arrival ana proceeded
with the next entertainment. The boat
bearing the humorist arrived about the same