Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-09-24

else's piece that she wants.-Light.
Never gives out. They tell me your
wife has an excellent temper
Yes, it never fails her.-New Yorl
Herald.
Teacher in etymology-Give the
derivation of the word restaurant"
Hungry boy-Res, thing; taurus
a bull-a bully thing.-Philadelphis
Record.
Dem close OBJ yohn looks putty new
how dye git 'em?
BY de yahd, same's an one else.
Humph Spose you means de back
yahd, doan yer9-Ex.
"Young man." said the temperance
reformer, solemnly, "avoid whisky
and water, it is pernicious mixture
II do" said the young man, "espe
cially the water. Epoch.
A natural want. "Well, what dc
you want ?" asked the aeronaut of his
assistant, who had begun to whimper
81 want the earth," walled the young
man.-Terre Haute Express.
Young Mrs. Tucker says that if the
Lodge bill has anything in it to pre-
vent Charley's doing so much more
than his share of sitting up with sick
friends she certainly hopes it will pass
Washington Post.
Room for doubt. Whitney House
(pointing to young Clarence Verisopht
and his girl 1.-TWO souls with but q
single thought.
Chauncy Lake (cynically)-Which
has it?-Westboro it Tribune.
Preaching VS.. practice. Snake ed
itor-What are you writing!
Sanitary editor-An article ON the
evil Effects of Tobacco" Give me
a match This pipe of mines forever
going out.-Munsey's Weekly.
He (doubtfully)-There is a-.-little
freckle on your cheek, don't you know.
IL have heard that freckles can be
removed by kissing.
She-Oh, that is fraud. Cousin
Tom and have experimental on that
all summer.-Ex.
Mr.. Blimber (alarmed)-My dear,
what is the matterp
Mrs. Blimber (sobbing)-That in
sulting old photographer sent back
word with my crayon: 1.-THE original
of this portrait is carefully preserved" !"
The hateful thing.-Boston Pilot.
She (after marriage)-You told me
that l was your first love, but l have
found whole trunk full of letters
from all sorts of girls, just bursting
with tenderness.
He'll said you were the first l
ever loved. | didn't say you were the
only one who ever loved mex.
Somebody has said that "miss is
as good as mile." and the New York
Herald comments: eyes, and a good
deal better. You cant hug a mile" /"
Can't, eh' A Norristown young man
who was out driving with his best girl
the other night hugged twelve miles
out of possible dozen. .--Norristown
Herald
Literary aspirant Gin his appeal to
editor)-I have written poems, stories
and sketches for leading periodicals.
Editor-In which leading periodical
have your articles appeared. 1 do not
remember seeing your name in any.
They never appeared but that was
not nay fault. l wrote them all the
same.-Ex.
An eventful deal. Speaking of
poker hands," said young Pecan, of
Texas, II once played in three-cor-
nered game in which one man held
five aces and the other man six-
shooter--"
"And youl"
"And / held an inquest" JOS
eph News.
Proceeding to business. "My dear"
said the caller, with winning smile,
to the little girl who occupied the
study while her father, the eminent
literary man, was at dinner, 81 sup
pose you assist your papa by entertain
ing the bores p
Eyes, sir" replied the little girl
gravely, "please be seated" Chicago
Tribune.
Police magistrate-Did you see the
beginning of this trouble Z?
Witness-Yes, sir l saw the very
commencement. 1t was about two
years ago.
Two years ago?
Yes, sir. The parson said, "Wilt