Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1890-10-31
ENGAGEMENTS.
A DISCUSSION AS TO WHETHER BE-
TRoTHALs CAN BE DISSOLVED.
Some believe that, Love or No Love, Mar
riaxe Shousd Follow an Engagement
Others the Contrary.
New York presal

oStStsuuiuk winning, SS" 80
acquaintance"
In this question arc comprehended
two phases of subject that has occa-
stoned much spirited discussion OF late
in the privacy OF social intercourse.
Believing il OF universal interest. the
Press lifts il out of tho drawing-room
and places il in it's columns before the
brightest people in the world. That the
subject is fruitful of thought is evidenced
by the manner of its discussion IN the
following letters from authors, mothers,
business women, and men OF affairs.
Man should look for beauty of soul in
woman. He should search until he finds
an earnest. pure woman, in whose heart
has been instilled the reverence snd love
of God. 10 make his home happy ana
his own firesi de the dearest magnet on
earth TO him. Men should choose WISE
ly, remembering that beauty fades as
quickly as do the flowers OF a season.
Faces lose their bloom, bright eyes
grow dim, and brown tresses silver with
the blight OF time. but the beauty OF the
soul. which should always be sought for
ere the betrothal words are uttered,
lasts forever when true hearts are rightly
mated.
IL would be the most wonderful
achievement that could be accomplished
If young people could be made 10 really
understand how solemn thing is an en-
gagement to marry. No man should
utter words OF love TO any woman unless
an offer of his heart and hand follow 1t,
as positive proof that he has not spoken
lightly, and marriage should follow
quite as soon as circumstances permit
If man has no thought OF marriage 1t
is doing woman a decided wrong TO
mopopolize her time, cause her TO build
her hopes upon him, and then leave her
prey to conflicting regrets, which she
should never have known had he wisely
divided his attention among many.
BetrOthal is the bud-marrisge IS the
flower. A broken betrothal is like n
fair white rose that withers in the bud
a blighted promise OF what might
have been that even the plying an
gels must grieye over and regret.
Il. j. IL.
/ have never been engaged to marry,
and have no practical experience on the
subject. regard an engagement rs
probationary term, during which two
people OF opposite sex have an opportu-
nifty TO ascertain by fairly close relations
If Intimacy be congenial, agreeable, and
potential OF duration. An engagement
cannot be considered as binding on
either party to consummate marriage,
but merely as a means of ascertalnlng as
nearly as possible if marriage IS agreea-
bic. | am OF the opinion. from observa-
ton. that the majority of junes have
awarded not more than one cent dam
ages as result of a breach-of the-en-
gaQement contract. ! favor such an
award as the maximum sum to be PAID
for such breach. Observation would also
tend to show that the engagement az re-
garded in the United States is perniclous
and productive of blighted lives, IN that
il allows undue intimacy.
As whole, the marriage contract OF
France seems the most safe. In chastity,
virtue, and morality, both in men and
women, lies the safety OF the republic.
In the pure homes of America emanate
the sons and daughters on whom the
duties OF citizenship and the safety OF gov
eminent depend. This is fast age. Girls
and boys know as much at twelve years
Of age as young men and women OF
earlier times knew aye, more than our
grandfathers or grandmothers ever knew
or ought 10 know. Such being the case,
the question propounded is fraught with
the gravest import and should have the
calmest discussion and most assured
safeguards. Mothers of to-day must
not leave their daughters alone with men
OF to-dsy-must not leave them alone at
all. They should not permit courtships,
above all things. out of their sight.
In conclusion, watch the girls, fathers,
and mothers; guard the nobility anu
purity of their thought They are to
become the mothers OF the republic
the Martha Washingtons on whom the
perpetulty and stability of our great III
situations and our Government must de-
pend. On them will depend whether
our nation degenerates or wakes in
strength, WILLIAM HOSEA BALLoU.
Do consider marriage engagement
sacred ? No, do not. think that the
American woman reserves the right TO
change her mind as often as she pleases.
When was in Pans this summer Rus
sian nobleman said to me {: " Madame,
tell me why it is that You American Ia
dies are 30 tickle I? Now You see it and
now YOU don't. Now you're engaged
and the next hour the engagement is
broken"
told him Just what | tell you. II
two people discover after they become
engaged that a mistake has been made
the most sensible thing to do is to break
the engagement. The period of friend
ship between man and woman winch
precedes the engagement is far more sa
cred than many people think. American
men have a strange habit Of calling on 9
woman for months without giving bel
the least idea of what their intention.
really are. They take her to places OF
amusement, send her flowers, monopo-
Ire her society, and if the woman is a
all susceptible. as is apt to be the case
she begins TO think seriously OF bel
friend, and very often gives her love be
fore il is asked.
A well-known family, whom l happen
TO know intimately, has a daughter whC
was one Of the loveliest girls In the city
This young lady is atthis moment suffer
ing from nervous prostitution and SHOCK
occasioned by tho conduct OF young
man who visited her regularly fol
months The family and friends re
garded the young man as suitor anC
treated him accordingly. But the seque
plainly showed how they had deceived
themselves One evening the yount
man called, and, as the young lady greet
ed him with her ueual cordiality, he SAT-
rather bluntly:
"Oh. have something to tell you.
have been taken into the firm now, anC
next month marry Miss - "a youn.
lady acquainted with both, who lived il
another city,. As my best friend,
thought il safe TO tell you first"
TWAS an awful shock. For q time thu
family feared that the poor girl woulC
lose her reason. Now such thing a
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