The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1890-02-08

says Sranupets Dut 4 ooA see 10 tiSut
rope"
But in a little while in the band went
again, and the shade went up, and there
was jackson. 1t didn't look like the
same room, and he said he was Jest
home and was tired, and grandper said:
SAY, ay, you had orter keep early
hours, Jackson"
Then jackson he said he had the most
awful presentiments of suthin another
dreadful, and grandper said:
Don't fret, my boy. Your ma is well,
and the rest of the folkses t~olerable."
And then jackson laid down on the
sofa and went to sleep, and everything
got blue; and there must hev been an
organ somewhere playing a hymn tune,
and there wus somebody peepin' in at
the winder. 1t wus the gentleman that
had firted with the low necked girl, and
there wus two awful tramps with him.
Then one tramp says:
sis that our man, masterr:'
And the gentleman says, eyes" and
told them that he had paid them well,
and they must not slight their work.
l thought he was going to have the
carpets shook, but when the other tramp
said:
SAY, ay, masteri Dead men tell no
tales" / got skeered, and then the gentle
man went away and the tramps got in at
the winder and came iptoe down toward
jackson jefferson. And one Of 'em took
out a big knife and the other a handker-
chuf, and it wus jest as plain as any
thing they meant to kill him.
Grandper jumped up to his feet again:
Jackson" he hollers; but jackson
didn't wake up.
jackson" yells Eben, but he never
stirred, and the tramps we're tiptoeing
along.
"Come on, g~raudper," says Eben.
"Ay, my boy" says ~grandper.
Jane, she shruck most fearful.
l saw grandper rush up the aisle, club
bing his umbrella, and Eben doubling his
fist. All the congregation jumped up
and laughed and shrieked, and / saw
Eben catch the biggest tramp by his col
lar, and grandper catch hold of the other
one by his belt, then the shade came
down, and the band came out of the
cellar doors and played away, and every
body laughed until up went the shade,
and out came a stout gentleman with q
bald head, and says he:
Ladies' and gentlemen, allow me to
entreat your patience. The interruption
caused by a misapprehension on the part
OF a venerable guest from the ofntr
who, carried away by the realism of the
scene, bravely few to the relief of the
hero, shall be but brief. Thanking you
for your courtesy and good feeling, /
offer you my apologies and regrets"
Then he cen most turned a summerset
bowling, and everybody clapped and
pounded, and the congregation sat down,
and the young man in the tail coat come
fetchin' grandper and Eben to their
seats. Eben was the color of an egg
plant and grandper was like red flannel
all over. Their collars and ties was tore
off and Eben's sleeve was pulled out.
"Come along, gals" says grandper.
EUR my part l side with your aunt
Bingham and the dominic forevermore.
I never seen such carvings on, and don't
want to see such ag'in. I'll cut jackson
Jefferson off with a nickel. Eff / did
make a mistake he might hev said,
Much obliged fur yer good intentions,
grandper,' or Il haven't no need of as
sistance, but thank you kindly Instead
of that he called me an old idjut. Now.
I ain no idjut, as he'll find out when my
will is read"
81 be-" says Eben, ttthe darndest idjut
goin'. 1t was all takin' off, Hammer; but
who wus to know it? It's a massy the
tramp grandper attended to got his
breath ag'in orhe'd be hung and me, too,
fur all / know, fur helpin' him"
s.The fat gentleman spoke real pretty
about it," says l. Suppose we sit still
now we know it is takin' off, and see it
out?''
But they wouldn't, SO we all went.
Jane was in highstrikes, and Hammer
spilled the bottle of lemonade, and the
handkerchief came united, and all the
apples went bobbing up the aisle, and
Jane left the crullers in the seat. But /
kept the peanuts, and handed them
round in the cars, though nobody didn't
seem to enjoy them none, and we amt
never had no tickets fur the theayter
from jackson Jefferson Bingham since,
though his ma says he's comm home to
take a place in the store agin', and Jane
is beginnin' to crimp her hair once more,
and has bought a new plaid dress, and is
MAXIM it quite cheerful.