The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1890-10-26
FLEETING FRIV0LITIES.
BITS OF FUN CIRCULATING IN
THE DAILY NEWSPAPERS.
Hard Lines OF Boston Housekeeper-The
Passengers Must Have Enjoyed IT.
Servant Was Not wiIiing-some short
Selected Laughs

| Selected Laughs.
About this time the mistress Of the house,
refreshed By several months Of hotel life
her ambition stirred by large, smart stories,
told on the hotel piazzas OF how other wo-
men manage their houses, ties her bonnet
strings firmly, and taking a long strip OF
paper, upon which advertisements are
pasted of cooks, second girls, kitchen-maids,
buffers. parlor-maids, laundresses and
other Household blessings, salles forth with
going TO get what she wants, and not put
up with makeshirts. At the head OF the
| list is " a Cook (PrOtestanD, thoroughly ac-
customed to cooking in the best families
honest, temperate, economical and neat
not afraid of work and fond OF children,
would like a situ alton in a private family
Apply at 1902 Intelligence ave-
nue." Starting early, in order that
the hundreds Of other women on
this rampage for household blessings may
not head her off, my lady finds, with some
difficulty the number advertised. As the
! door opens she is met, not by the whit
| aprOned. smiling, neat cook she had pic
| tured in her thoughts. but room full OF
| young women, representing various nations,
who present in all the array OF their sum-
mer sunday finery the appearance OF very
| dirty rainbow. over them presides an I'M
washed blonde goddess who signifies, by
| the extreme style Of her costume and
couture, that she keeps an intelligence Office
as pastime or fad, or maybe for the study
| of human nature. She smiles s sweetly as
the Bloom of Youth will permit her, as the
| lady inquiries for the protestant Cook" SO
sorry. but she has already been taken :
| but | have others here with a compre-
hcnsive wave of the hand toward tire Vari-
Gus beetle-brOwed, flannel-mOnthed mala-
perts. that turn their expressiOnless eyes
| toward herr, who have the best OF refel ences
and are all excellent servants. But with
| the support Of her long list in her hand, the
searching hOusekeeper feels able to decl inc,
with some little asperity, the offer Of the
unwashed goddess, and gets into the fresh
air as quickly as possible. Number two on
the list is "A smart, competent cook, with
| best of references, desires a position IN Il
| frst-class family" Ascertaining that this
cannot be an employment Office, she takes
eight or ten wrong hOrse-cars, wishes she'd
thought TO take "A cab, and finally is con-
| lrOnted by the competent cook, and the FOL
lowing dialogue ensues:
"Nou want a place as cook, | believe :"
"Nis-sum."
Girl produces soiled piece Of paper. upon
which is stated that ''the bearer lived for
six weeks in my family, and | found her
| strong. smart and "A good bread-maker,'
signed bg some suburban housekeeper tel
years back.
us this all the reference you have -
"Yis-sum.' (Signs of belligerency.)
"Where have you lived since -
Been home" Increased belligerency.t
fs.fI haif
a little and waive the matter Of references.
Can you make all kinds Of soups"
"lis-sum."
"What kinds -
"Oh, all kinds" Terrific scowl on com
petent cooks face.)
"What kind of desserts can you maker
"All kinds"
"Well. name some of them. please"
saw, | don't think I'll De after talking
wild We any longer; you're too fussy for Il
| frst.class cook to get on wild"
well, | hardly think you would do il you
can't tell me what you can cOOk''
Jaw, ! wouldn't live wild We for collar n
minute: no, | wouldn't;" and the com pctent
| cook bangs the door against the heels of the
retreating hOuspkeeper.
| Resolving not 10 enter into any converse
ton whatever with the next advertiser il
she shows any such signs of bad temper as
| NE last one. SIT Is dEIttdDiN HuIDllotu u
| see a calm>taced woman of extreme COM
posture aud servle manner Changing her
somewhat ruilled expression for II plea SAINT,
amicable one, she seats herself before this
emblem Of seryiity with sigh of relief
"lOu want place rs cook, believe
"O cs. madam
"Where have YOU been living?'
"With Judge Greenbag. in Beacon street,
and the Flop.D0odles,i IN Commonwealth ave-
| nue.; the Hon. snyder Il. Cheesit, of New
| York, and the Reserves in Milton. | have
also accommodated for the Lawns and the
! rennises in BroOkline."
"Ah. then, you must, of course. be good
cook, should judge. You make all kind ;
! If soups, | suppose -
"W ell, yes, ma'am. | can; although nor G
Of the families | have lived in cared mucIl
for soups"
Searching hOusekeeper feels crushed, and
wonders why NJ. +. W. Sherwood or Chris
tine Terhune Herrick or Theodore Child
have never mentioned that soup is optional
i'm the best families. Swallows once. and
asks: Desserts ! | suppose you make all
kinds-iellies, custards, moulded puddings.
&c?"
"Well. most all Che places have been in
ma'am, they were very fond Of fruit for
dessert, and then they had ice-cream from
tie caterer when they wanted. anything
extra
Searching housekeeper does not stop to-
think this time, but swallows again and
a. Ks: "Bread-yOu can make rolls, sup
pose, and all kinds Of mullins ~
"Well. it is some time since / made any
rolls. for they have always bought them oi
the French baker wherever | lived, or or
dcred them from some of these poor ladies'
exchanges. Once i'm awhile | would make
little loaf bread, but they generally ate
| those long French twists"
Meats, yegetables;' gasps the searching
| housekeeper.
"Well the kitchen maid always attended
to the vegetables and basted the meats. OF
course I'm willing to prepare them.'
"But don't keep n kitchen maid"
"Wherc do you live madam"
With "A tremendous effort, in which deli
ance, shame and desperation mingled,
madam replied:
"Atth. South End"
40. madam. couldn't live at the South
End should never be able 10 find my way
out there"
And madam retres briskly before her in
clinaton 10 fling things can be gratified.
She goes through her list to find girl VINO
can cook, but who drinks; Il woman who
IS temperate and belongs to the Presby-
| terrain church, but can't make soups; girl
who can make soups, but can't make past
~; woman who can make both soups and
pastry. but who can't live with four in the
| Kitchen: "A woman who doesn't mind now
many there are in the family or kitchen.
but must have , o'clock dinners: girl who
doesn't mind late dinners, but won't have
children in the kitchen; and by q o'clock
INV lady flies home in cab; with her bon
net on one side and her dress bedraggled,
wondering what John and the children
would say if she should go into the kitchen
and do all the cooking herself.-Boston Sat
urday Gazette.
| Pleasant for the Passengers.
When was up in Northern Wisconsin
the other dav saw something that caused
chills TO chase each other in rapid success
sion down my spinal column, and that made
my hair Chat il, the rim OF hirsute grown