Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1890-12-17
QUEER INVENTIONS.
HUNDREDS OF ODD AND FUNNY
DEVICES
fhs Nickel IN ia slet sai Tt.
Many Uses.

In conversation had recently With
Commissioner Mitchell OF the Patent
Office, he alluded to the food or pat
ents for the slot machines in which
you drop coin and get something
"Hes, said he 1.-The slot division Is
being pushed, night and day. 1t be-
gins 70 look as II the drummer and
the sales!ady would equally be super
ceced oy this speechless monster, and
every mortal want would come to be
supplied through the slot. Why, just
look here" And he produced draw
ings and specifications OF numerous
machines. standing about as high SIS q
man, and OF incredible fecundity.
"Here's the first, he went on. "Drop
4 nickel in the slot and It viii weigh
you and push you out q littlesard
with your avOirdupois stamped neatly
upon it. Here's another that will tell
your age for nickel without the slight
est assistance. Here's one that sells ice
water-a glass for one cent and makes
change for you fAom q coin of any
sort II has made its appearance on
the streets Of Chicago and AIinneap-
oils, and the mayor has ordered the
police 10 protect il. II is temperance
ally, and it is anticipated that 1t Will
shortly stand near all the crowded cor
ners OF every great city. Here's one
that dispenses soda water all
by itset-puuch in your nickel
and You get your soda. Here's
another that profers any one OF four
teen sorts OF liquors, including Yam
kee cocktail. And here's the best of
them all-look at the elaborate clock
work in the interior. See the kero-
sene lamp on one side and the ice
chamber On the other, and the asbestos
between" This is supposed to stand
solus and majestic on corner Of the
street, its fires always burning like
those Of the Aztec altars of sacrifice,
its ice always freezing like that Of the
Icelandic hades, silently offering its
treasures TO the passer-by. Or any
one Of sixteen things it gives him five
cents worth. The fluids come out Of
the faucets; the solids are showed
down the little inclined planes on
either side. Only one thing is want
ing-a city directory; and that will
doubtless come later. After the slot
has engulfed the stipulated coin, it
Immediately responds with the re-
quired refreshment on the hand being
turned to the mark and allowed TO re-
main over II.
I looked into the bowels Of this un-
speakable salesman. Its interior Is
wonderfully elaborate; wheels and
cOgs and elbows and levers and shafts
ind eccentric movements conspiring
10 the desired end. I turned away
with a sense Of dizziness. There have
oeen three hundred patents granted
for the slot machines and two hundred
are pending. The very latest Is the
application OF the device 20 toilet
rooms-one cent being dropped in the
lot. The cannon plough Is presum-
Lbly convenient implement for SUBJ
t0ling and warfare on the frontier,
for, as tho ploughbean I. hollow and
loaded, il can instantly DO wheeled and
dred, killing the Indians and horses
whichever happens 70 be in the way.
But the same inspired genius has patent
ID the pistol pocketbook-when the In
nocent and unsuspecting burglar asks
yoU for your pocketbook you careless
" take it out and empty It's contents
mo his abdomen.
There is a claim in the patent Office
for patent on the Lords PRAYER, the
specification being that the repetition
Of the same, rapid and in loud tone
Of voice, will cure stammering.
Among odd inventions are chicken
topples, which walk the chicken right
out Of the garden when she tries TO
Scratch; the bee-moth excluder, which
automatically shuts up al the beehives
when the hens go to roost; the tape
worm fish-hook which speaks for it.
self; the educational balloon with q
map OF the world outlined on its sur
face; side-hill annihilators-stilts TO
Gt on the down-hill legs Of q horse
when he is ploughlng along side-hiIli !
and the hen-surPriser, device that
drops the new-laid egg through the
bottom of the nest, with intent 10 be-
guile and wheedle the hen into at once
laying another.
One Of the latest patents i. an auto
matte bath-tub, which starts the hot
and cold water at q given moment in
the morning to which It has been set,
Inaintains exactly tho right tempera-
ture of it by graduating the flow Of
the water, rings a bell when all l.
ready, and two minutes later suddenly
drops the sleeper's pillow about foot
and turns him out.
/ The illuminated cat was devised BY
a genius. She is built OF pasteboard
and made luminous with phosphorus,
and she sits in the corner the ive-long
night and fills the souls of rats and
mice with terror. There Is tremen-
dous activity in the toy division Of the
patent Office, especially in automatic
TOYS that can walk and talk. There are
whistling tops, dogs that jump and