The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-09-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

Seaside fiirtations do not last because
they are builded on the sand.-Sonser-
rilte Journal.
Chorus of Coquettes-'Let us each
be up and doing with a fate for any
heart. y Washington Post.
The only popular adviser is the one
who gives counsel that fits our in
clinations. Journal.
Life is like a game of whist-its
mysteries will be solved when the last
trump is played. .-Elnaira Gazette.
He who goes into the world with CEN
sure ON his lips will pass through life a
friendless man.-AtchiSosa Globe.
There is more real heartache in a
square yard of suspense than in an
acre of realization.-Gredt harrington,
Nesos.
The oyster will remain at the sea
shore all summer; but the clam will
be most in society.-Nea0 Orleans
RcGyuse.
There may be sermons in stones"
but don't imagine, friend that there
are rocks in religion. ."-HarUard
LGnlpoos.
Minister-"Are you in the church,
miss?" Miss Highsee-'tNo, sir; I'm
only a member of the choir, sir. p
Yonkers Statesman.
1t seems quite natural that the
threads of conversation should some
times produce long yarn."-Bi'sg-
hanston Republican.
If you want clear ''skin" all that is
necessary is to buy goods of street
peddler or sign a paper without read
ing it.-Bnsh'aeU Record.
She What strong face he has"
He-'Yes; that comes from exercise.
He has been travelling on it for many
years. ."-Isrre Haute Erpress.
rs your husband in, madam" mo,
he was just here minute ago arguing
with me. You'll find him probably
down at the doctors. Epoch.
Interviewer-''You began life as o
clerk, did you notp" Merchant No,
sir; began life as king. I was the
first baby.-Terre Hawte EGpress.
I've got good dog I'd like to sell
you," said fancier to Fangle. "Not
much!" replied Fangle; why, I've got
four marriageable daughters. Epoch.
''Will you think of me very often
while you are away, dearest John?''
But, Emily, you know that this is to
be pleasure trip. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
Smythe-"Youl look unhappy. What's
the matterPn Roberts-'I have had a
row with my uncle" Smythe-''Did
you lose the ticketP"-TerGs Sittings.
How is she your sisterP By mar
riageP" ':N-no," stammered Chappie.
''Quite the reverse, you know. B-by
re-refusal of m-m-marriage. IN y
Sun.
Yabsley-"How Timmins has inn
proved since his marriage" Wick
wire-'I suppose he gets rid of all his
cussedness at home now.-Ierre Hdate
Erpress.
Children not addicted to fun, bolster
business, and mischief may grow up to
be respectable members of society,
but as children they are failures
Boston Budget.
Jenks-"Winks married woman OF
intellect, didn't hep" Blinks-'I don't
know. Why?" Jinks-'.I notice he
never has any buttons on his clothes. 81
IN. Y. Weekly.
want some of my hair restorer,
sirP" asked the barber; "best in the
world" 80, I've something better
I've just got a divorce from my wife. y
Philadelphia Times.
II understand that Cutely, whom
they wanted to arrest for embezzle-
ment has skipped to Europe" Yes.
he has gone beyond the seizep
Laurence american.
-.'Neckties, suspenders-'
Balcony (haughtily)-s'Do look like
a man who'd wear 20-cent necktiep''
Faker-''Vell, 1 half some for 10 cents,
mister. ."-Teras SJtings.
''Do you know why that fellow at the
opposite table keeps his paper all the
time so before his face?n why, OF
course. The man at this table is his
tailor. ."-FIiege'aIe BlGtter.
Biggs-'. Hair falling OUT. old mana''
Baggs-"No." Biggs-"What does
that bald spot meanP" Baggs-''Wen,
there was little falling out up at the
house last night come to think
Detroit Free Press.
Some one says that 1.-The happiest.
looking man is the one who is not
burdened with wealth." He evidently
did not form his opinion from seeing 9
friend returning from the races
Yo,aker's Statesman.
did your husband leave a will?'
asked the lawyer of the weeping
Observation-Disclosures. Il don't
think he could. I know he never had
any as long as I've been married to
him. ."-Philadelphid Times.
A philosophical and calculating man
rises to remark what singular thing
it is that the simple utterance of the
word Yes" at the altar gives woman
the right to mo" so much after mar.
riage. Philadelphia Ledger
Anxious Mother-"Don't you know
that George Washington never, never
told a lie?n Sinful Boy" Maybe his
mamma didn't care how much cakes
and jam he took, and he wasn't 'fraid
to tell her. IN 7. Weekly.
Dude (facetiously)-'Tve been try
ing the mind-cure for my rheumatism"
Young Lady (gravely)-'The mind.
cureP Why, you ought to have tried
that long ago. There is nothing YOU
need SO much. ."-Boston Courier.
'.Now pray for Susie Bates,n sale
Mrs. Simeral to 6-year-old Flossie, who
was saying her prayers. '.Susie is
quite sick" why, mamma" said
Flossie. Il can't pray for her. She
doesn't belong to our crowd. ."-Epoch
What sort of restaurant is this
waiter?" he asked the first of that ex
elusive set that deigned to approach
well, sir. l know one man that's
been coming here steady for a month
and he's living yet.'-Philadelphic
Times.
Il wish you were like Mr.. Bunting, ,
complained Mrs. Larkin; ''he's so con
siderate of his wife," That's sol" re
piled Mr.. Larkin. "You ought to see
the nice lightweight ak he bought to
day for her to split kindling-woot
with. IN. Y. San.
Widow Weeds-"Whom was Mr.
Prooftext referring to when he spoke
of this woman stricken with grief p
why, didn't you know he was re
ferring to you?" Widow Weeds
''Was heP But then he didn't know
John. .n-B0StO3l I7-n,zScri79f