Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-09-05
PLEAsAMTRlEs.

MosT people eat to fill, but dentist
fills to cut.
The tramp alone seems to enjoy the
ragged edge OF existence
The easiest way to rent dress coat
rip it up the back.
with all her faults I love her STILL"
said the man who paid court to the
widow with large possessions in whisky
interests.
Mrs. GAzzAM-All through his works
Shakespeare shows his antipathy to dogs.
Gazzam-Yes, remember he advised
throwing physic to them.
A BRIDE asks us how to prevent the
juice of blackberry pies soaking into
the under crust. That is easy enough.
Bake the pies upside down.
BLESSED goodness, boss!" said Ras-
tus to the dentist, when you said dat
toof want gwine hurt, you must er
meant it want gwine hurt you"
FIRST Kentuckian-How did Col.
Strutter get his military title, do you
know? Second Kentuckian-Yes; when
he was young man he used to drill
holes in quarry.
DoN'T you know, Miily, that it is ILL
hammered to turn around to look at
gentleman?" Mother, I only turned
around to see if he turned around to see
if looked at hint"
AT the circus-Bessie-Oh, papa,
see! that poor fat clown has fallen down
and lost all the wind out of him. Papa
Yes, pet, thatis what newspaper men
would call burst of mirth.'
PAsToR-I should like to see you TAX
ing more active interest in religious
things, Miss Bessie, Miss Bessie
I'm afraid it wouldn't do, Mr.. Goodman.
I couldn't be spared from the choir.
Miss GusHY Gas Snagby prepares to
rise)-Oh, don't get up! Don't get upl
Please keep your seat! Snagby
(slightly bewildered) Like to oblige
you, madam, but get off at this street.
SWEET sixteen Cat the corfectioners,
to beardless clerk)-Have you any
fringed kisses? Beardless Clerk (con-
fdentially) just out of them; but
can supply you with the smooth-face
variety.
"WHAr Shall We Do with Our Serv-
ants?" is the title of an article in one
Of our household publications, but
Baltimore lady states that it is all wrong
and that it should read, "What Shall
Our Servants Do with Us?"
BooK-KEEPER-Excu me, sir, but
my nephew died three days ago. EN-
ployer (who is somewhat familiar with
the little game)-All right, MIR. Gull
pepper, you may attend the funeral.
Died, as usual, on first base, sup
pose?
At the beach-Freshly - Whewl
Surely that girls forgot her bathing
suit, entirely. Who is she? Chubby
That's Dolly Wimple, the burlesquer-
gives a take-of on modern society, don't
youknow. Freshly 'Take-of' is good.
She's doubtless practicing now.
FOREMAN newspaper of6ce)-Want q
job as compositor, Ell? Are you good
speller? Printer-Well, not very, but
- Foreman-You won't do. A
printer who doesn't know enough - to
correct the mistakes of the editors has
no business in newspaper office.
| WOMAN LOVELY WOMAN.
saw her sailing towards ME on the street.
Her dress with cunning art was cut to fit
Hor slim and graceful figure to q T.
But as passed heard woman say,
With envy emphasized in each word hard,
II seen some stuff like that what she's got on
In Gingum's store for seven cents o yard"
-NeW York He,ald
Mr.. A. has a little falsetto voice. The
other day, in giving coin to blind
beggar, he said, in his fute-like tones:
Here, take this, my poor man"
"Thanks, madam" answered the blind
man. liam not lady, replied Mr..
A., in a vexed tone, with his voice
pitched in a still higher key. Thanks,
miss" returned the medicant.
WESTERN Desperate (who has killed
ten men and is being tried for murder,
remarks to his counseD--Thats all
right: couldn't have picked u better
jury myself. Lawyer Tin astonishment)
Why, man, three of them are Chris
tians. They will vote to hang you every
time Desperado-Don't be too sure Of
that. I have done lots of favors for
them that they will not forget now. I've
given them lots of business. Lawyer
Business? Favor? Desperado-
Yes, business, and lots of it. Those
three are undertakers.
Changed A re Raneficial.