Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-01-25
HOW 4 WIFE WAS WON.

Probably the most embarrassing court
ship on record was that of bashful Texa
Major, which eliminated in his marrying
rich young widow, who is now one of tbs
most popular members of St. Louis society
The circumstances were related to me by 6
planter on the Brazos whose immense cot
ton and corn fields adioin those of the
Major and the ex-widow in question.
"Well, sir" said he, 'she was reared
here, and was the sweetest and most popu.
lar girl in Texas. She was known every.
where, and was courted in Galveston and
Austin as well as in St. Louis circles after
she returned from school and from tour Of
Europe. But she always seemed to like
Texas the best. Major Smollett began to
shy around her when she grew up, and
took her to singing school and other coun-
try frolics while she was here. He was
bashful, and while we all knew that he
was in love with her and she with him,
blamed if he didn't let that cussed fiat
head Joe Broadus cut him out and marry
Annie. Joe only lived two years, and in
less than six months after he died it was
plain to all, except Smollett, that the
widow was more in love with him than
ever.
"They were both wanting each other,
and he was too bashful to shy up to her.
We all knew that with her chances and
being alone in the world with so much
property (her father died and left her all
his possessions, she would marry some one
soon. And that good for-nothing village
lawyer, Ed. Wilder, was strutting around
her in great shape. | saw this, and deter
mined to make the Major cut him out
$50 | said to my wife one day: Maggie
Pm going TO bring that bashful fool,
Smollett, and Annie together She told
me | had better let them alone, as | would
most likely make mess of the whole
thing. | allowed that l did not see how
[ could do worse than the Major himself
was doing, and Maggie agreed with me.
Just as we had come to the point, who
should ride up but the Major.
Good morning. Major said l.
Good morning, Mr.. Wiley said he.
Whats the news up your way?
oh, nothing [ replied, except that
Annie has come back to enjoy herself
among the friends of her girlhood'
L IL
piled, blushing like turkey gobbler.
"'And,' continued, careless like, I've
just been up to town, and John Robinson's
big show is coming and everybody and his
girl is going. | was over to Judge Wild
er's, and / see that Ed. has a spanking,
span new buggy and fast horse, and is
going to take Annie to the show He
has been hanging around her a great
deal every time he gets chance By
jings, l wish l was young man, I'd cut
that popinjay out. Armies too nice
woman to marry such sap-head as Ed
Wilder, though if she takes him we can't
blame her much, as she is so very lonely,
and men who seem to have any sense
are too shy to speak to her. Gheewhil-
likins If l was only single I'd show
them thing or two
''The Major blushed, but made no re-
ply, except to say that he wanted to
borrow some cotton-baskets for the hands
to pick in until he could go to town
and buy some. | showed him where they
were and then l erept to a knot-hole
and listened, for / knew that he had a
habit of talking to himself, like all bash
ful people, when bothered.
"'Blame that young jay lawyer he
said. With his slick tongue and no
brains he thinks he's first in everything
Got new buggy, has he? Well, so have
/, and his horse can't hold candle to
mine. By gosh! I've mind to-yes, 1
will 90 this afternoon and ask her to 90 to
the show with me- and then Pll speak out
and show Gus Wiley that I'm not such
donkey as he and his wife think me, even
If did let Joe Broadus get ahead of me
the first time
81 almost laughed out at this and went
and told Maggie how it was working.
"Smollett had his new buggy and fast
colt with him, and happened to be dressed
up. So he had his man put the baskets
in the wagon as he started off towards An
MES country home. He drove along
,musing about his perplexity until ne came
to a deep creek over which was a high
bridge. As he got on this bridge he gave
tremendous cough. Oh, horrors! his
new teeth went flying over the DASH
board and down into the clear water.
Here was pretty fix. The show coming
on and no time to get another set Of teeth
made and his new ones, that cost so much,
lying down in the bottom of the creek.
He must get them, as that hateful young
Wilder was not likely to let grass grow
under his feet.
"Smollett climbed out of the buggy,
looked up and down the road to see that
that no onewas coming, and then looked
ever the bridge Yes, there were the
teeth at the bottom of the creek, the little
fishes swimming about them ard rubbing
their nosesagainst them. Smollett wished
his were only as close for a moment.
- IL ha, lad of
clothes, putting them in the buggy to keep
them clean, and went down and diyed for
his teeth. He got them, fitted them IN
his mouth and was coming ont, when he
heard a rumbling noise down the road
and a little dog barking like mad. Smol-
let's horse was fiery and started to go.
"'Whoal whoap yelled Smollett, houn
dering out of the water and rushing up
the bank whoa, | say Stop, you in
fernal brute, youp The horse paid no at
teation, but went off at a spanking gait.
Smollett started off after him, and the dog
came barking after Smollett. The colt
was trotter, and although Smollett was
in capital running costume, the colt kept
lust out of his reach, the lines dragging
under the buggy, and the poor Major I'M
able to reach them or the buggy. After
while his plug hat was jostled OIL the seat
and the hind wheels ran over it, smashing
it as fiat as a revenue stamp. The Major
grabbed it up, jammed his fist into it to
straighten 1t out, rammed it on his head,
and kept right on after the buggy.
alie happened to look up and saw the
widows house on the hill, and then the
dreadful thought came to him that that
fool colt, which was raised on the widows
farm, would stop at her gate as sure as
fate. Just then his coat fell out and he
grabbed it up aud scrambled into it, made
a desperate squirt, grabbed the back part of
the buggy and crawled in. He just got
settled in the seat when the horse stopped
at Annies gate Poor Smollett hadtime