Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1890-09-27
Editor and Proprietor,
TEA-TABLE SALAD.
If you'd have me
And I'd have you,
Why you'd be won
And I'd be, too,

-N6U York f7cfUU.
A HOLE in the pocket will outlast all
the rest of suit of clothes.-Gredt Bar
TingtOn NeDs.
TRAMp-"Say, mum, your dog bit me.
Lady-''Well, never mind, III wash his
mouth out."-JAdge.
Clones, the coal merchant, has sold
out and gone to sea- lis 1t possible!
How he will cheat when he weighs the
anchor .'-PAcE.
FIRST PAssENGER-"D you know what
time it is?'' Second Passenger ICON
sulting watch)-"Yes." (And resumes
his paper )-JeWelers' Circular.
HE-'0The fools are not all dead yet.
She-"That's as true as you live" And
he couldn't understand why she en-
phasized the "you. D Chicago Post.
~ TELL you you've got to have pull
to do it successfully"
''To do what"
"To milk COW. "--NeU York Herald.
"YoU are charged with having fired
this hotel because you had been dis
charged" eyes, your honor. But
they fired me first. "-Ba!6a'o Nelcs.
"WELL, what do you want?'' asked
the aeronaut of his assistant, who had
begun to Whimper. 81 want the earth,
walled the young man.-Ierre Hdute Er-
press.
at is now time" said the school
teacher, on his return to work after
summers yachting, "to set the spanker
and keep an eye upon the buoys. -
NeW York S,W.
"PA, I'll be sorry when you get we'll"
said boy to his sick parent. why,
my son 20 Because l won't get any
more empty medicine bottles to sell. y
Leisure Moments.
ExAsPERArED JUDGE (whose patience
has been sorely tried both by the
plaitiff and defendant-"My chief re-
greet is that / can't decide against both
sides. '-Teras SJtings.
AMERICAN ToURIsr-"I understand,
Marquis, that you fell in love with q
distinguished American lady on account
of her pretty foot. Marquis-'Dat is it.
De pretty way she foot de bills. "-Neeo
York Weekly.
SPEAKING of poker hands," said young
Pecan, of Texas, II once played in a
three cornered game in which one man
held five aces and the other man a six
shooter" "And your" 81 held an
inquest."-IS Joseph Ne'cs.
"WHY, SIR exclaimed an enthusi
astic member of brass band, "we can
play the most intricate airs on sight"
'I'd like to hear you play the airs the
drum major puts on, replied an unbe-
lieving listener -Bostonldn.
81 THINK" said the editor in wor-
ried tone, ''that l will drop journalism
and take to astronomy" why Z"
'Well, astronomers always seem to
have more space than they know what
to do with. - Washington Post.
REV. ENocH HowLER-"Do you pass
Poll
Superintendent - "Why, certainly.
and fifty -four trains will pass you every
day. "-Toarn Crier.
~ THINK" said the editor in wor-
ried tone, q that | will drop jourIn1alisam,,
and take to astronomy" "Why?'
"Well, astronomers always seem to
have more space then they know what
to do with. y Washington Post.
VERY TRUE-"New York is a great
place. said the tourist. cit has an
Italian quarter and Chinese quarter
a French quarter, but where is the
American quarter?" Gin the pocket of
the hotel waiter" answered his Ameri-
can cousln.-LJe.
UNsoPHIsTICATED STRANGER (at seaside
hotel)--"What are the rates of board
here?" Clerk-"Five dollars a day
up. Stranger ou, uou y CstIS dpouI
goingnp. Gimme cheap room on the
fust or second floor. "-Street & Smith
Good Meas.
JAcoB-"How is it didn't see you at
the Oppenheimer wedding, Ikeyn'
Isaac-''It cost me too much, Jakey,
to send q present. So | Just ask how
such 8 nice young man could marry
into such family, SO | gets no invita-
ton. PUCK.
A DAILY paper made cablegram,
"Horse Racing Across the Atlantic, J"
while in another dispatch it speaks of a
"hotel guest shot in the rotunda.' Both
of these practices would appear to be
too dangerous to become popular pas
times.-Boston Gazette.
THE clock had hut just stricken eight
AS he entered to find out his flight.
She answered: ''See poper,
For that's really quite proper"
To which he replied $50 it's keigt."
Her father was seated in thought
And remarked: ''she is not TO be cought
BY such poor wight"
Then in style impolight
He said: go! good manners be fought
u. c. Is. A, In Figaro.
HERS MIR. Hoffman Howes.-'I see
some fellah has an Article in the Fowum
entitled Have we Two Bwains or One p
What do you think of that question,
Miss Fligh?' Miss Fligh-"Well,
really, between you and me l think we
have only one. Puck.
"YouNG MAN." exclaimed the moralist,
pointing to the second hand of the
clock as it marked the flight Of the mo-
ments into eternity, what is the Ian
guage of that timepiece?" at has
none, sir" replied the idler. ct goes
without saying. Philadelphia Press