Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-10-09
us POCKET RELIGION.
RI COULD BE LAID ASIDE WHEN oc-
cASloN REQUIRED.
uis Habit of whipping nj. Brother-ia.
Law aud Everybody Else--He Meets
His Match.

Tobe Grcar had whipped every man In
Poinseu County, To some men lighting
may be only u recreation. but to Tobe
Il was necessity Once he awoke At
midnight, aud, unable to so TO sleep
again. lay tossing and grooming.
"Whuts the matter, Tohey' his wife
asked
"oh, | dunno am all outeu sorts"
Don't you think It's beeaze you aInt
whipped no body la,elyY
"fas, that's the very reason"
wall, git up an whup yo' brother.
jnlaw, an then go TO sleep"
He got up, whipped his hrother.in.
law aud then slept like n sycamore log.
lobe had whipped old Bill Morgan
once every week for tho past ten years,
Bill, extremely elastic Disposition did
not lose hope; he took boxing lessons OF
the new olrcnit rider; aud then, with
great confidence. invited Toho 20 whip
him. lobe did so. and then Bill mount
cd his gray mare, rode over To the Mount
Zion meeting huuso aud 'whaled' tho
circuit rider for teaching boxing under
false pretenses
One night, during healed revival In
July, lobe was stricken with conviction
and, yielding TO the cnlrealles OF his
wife. went up 10 the moulners bench
and placed his repentant head on the
white oak slab, lie poured forth a
stream OF lamentations declared after
the manner OF u great apostle thai he
had been u chief among sinners, aud
vowed that " the Lord would exercise
his mrrclful pardonlng power he would
every year contribute u sheep To the
religious barbecue, aud would refrain
from fighting TO the best OF his ability.
Suddenly he spraug to his feet and do.
clatcd that his sins had hceu wiped out
with tender hand; that he was Pre-.
pared TO meet his friends that had goi>
before, and that any man in the congrc.
cation might enjoy the privilege OF call,
Ing him a horse. thief without mourning
the danger OF being thumpcd,
Old Bill Morgan was particularly de.
lighted with tho conversion and after
shaking hands with lobe turned TO u
friend aud remarked Il have got him
on the hip now. an Ill BET YOU II bull
tongue plough an n set OF rope gear
that Whup him be(o' the weeks out"
Tobc wrote out u confession OF faith
on piece of paper bag, aud carried II
IN his hip pocket Al night when he
would awake and feel that he must whip
some Que or toss sleeplcssly ON his
wheat straw bed, he would reach over.
grabble his confession out OF his pocket.
read II over take chew OF long, green
tobacco aud then worry along NJ best he
could One evening while he was milk
Ing blue looking COW that wore n mis-
chievous wink. old Bin came up 10 the
fence
Brother T0bo," said he. II think
the time for me to whup you have
came
"Do you reckon Il huve2' Tobc re.
piled. turning loose The blue cows milk
nozzle and wiping drop OF pale milk
from his horny hand.
"Yns, low so
"All right. lobe responded. and
taking the confession Of faith from his
pocket he put II on top OF the fence.
placed stone upon II and said. Faith
In things that have been nm air yit 10
come rest thar till maui this sinner.
He climbed over the fence and n few
moments later Bill, with stitch IN his
side and u scialic disturbance OF the hip,
llmped toward his humble dwelling.
The next evening, when lobe was again
eking few drops OF milk from the blue
COW. Bill came up TO the fence aud said:
Pear TO be eujoyin yo'se't putty
we'll"
"Yas, reasonable So Have you got
wellY'
Not exackly -stlll got ashootln' pain
In my hip"
DO yof allus milkY'
"Yas, / do the milkin' all the time
An you never do let yo' wife milk
noner