The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-03-08
AROUND THE WORLD.
Diary of Traveller Who Made the TrfT
in Sixty Minutes.

Diary Oh Traveller Who Made the Trip
in Sixty Minutes.
Chicago, Jan. IA, 2O90, II a. Nam
Just starting for a trip around the world.
MY baggage consists of an opera-glass,
couple of oranges and ten-cent cigar.
New York, 11:O2-Reached this city
by pneumatic tube. Only special feat
ure OF the whirl across the country was
a momentary smell of coal oil while
passing through the State of Pennsyl-
Vania.
London, 11:10-Lost nineteen seconds
| in New York on account of having to
stop and subscribe to the Grant monu-
ment fund, the memorial arch fund and
the Greeley monument fund. The fell
lows said it was the custom for every
body-outside of New York-to drop a
few nlckels in the slot for those funds
and get card Of thanks. They were
confident the monuments and the arch
would be built within the next two hum
ored and forty years at farthest. l came
to this city by the well-known Sky
rocket route. Got here four seconds be-
hind time, having had to dodge two cy-
clones and pair of trousers belonging
to an English tourist. The trousers had
dropped from rocket-train just ahead
OF us and were gyrating wildly through
the air on their way down from the
clouds.
Paris, 11:19-Am four minutes and
half behind time. The ''lazy tongs"
tramway that runs to this city by tunnel
ae@sAFar ha Chonna1 and
land the rest of the way was not suffi-
GENTLY creased and it took us nearly
five minutes to make the last fifty miles.
This lack of grease shows that the
French couldn't run political campaign
in Ohio to save their lives.
Rome, 11:27-Nearly ten minutes be-
hind time. The passenger bomb in which
l Travelled to this point scraped against
the sides of the sheet-iron vacuum rain
bow it was fired through, and we had to
put on brakes to prevent hot boxes. l
have Just hired an Italian brigand to
go out behind the Coliseum and swear as
long and as hard as he feels justified in
doing for S2.65.
Calcutta, 11:3O-My time is half gone
and am notyet half way round. Come
from Rome by the Electric Inclined
Plane route. The cars are huge lignum-
vitae balls that roll down the hollow
tube through which a blast Of air is
forced by powerful dynamos. The sem
sation of travelling in this way is novel,
but not particularly enjoyable.
Hong Kong, 11:40-Ten minutes be-
hind schedule time. Came from CAL
cutta to this place by the famous Cata-
pult line. There was a delay of several
minutes in cutting the cable that held
the spring down at the western end of
the line. A sacred white elephant was
standing on the trap and nobody liked
to take the liberty of asking him to
move off.
Sitka, Alaska, 11:50-The Chinese at
Hong Kong have their old-time hatred
of foreign devils. They fired me out of
there by the Projectile route to Kam-
chatka where l took the Electric Tobog-
gan slide. Came from Petropaulovski
to this place in a large hollow icicle, the
slide being laid across Behring Strait,
which is fortunately frozen over. The
icicle was very much worn and haggard
by the time it got here. Only ten min
utes now to get to Chicago.
Sitka, 11:5O-Haven't got away from
here yet. Went out and caught seal
and bad cold while waiting. Have
just made bet of 500 I'll go through
on time.
Chicago, ~ m.-Was delayed at Sitka
till 1859 in consequence of slight
change in the time table. Stepped into
the air-tight tube of the Great Overland
Rubber Band Airline route at that ex-
act moment, the catch was loosed, and
the gigantic elastic rope, made of the
best Para rubber and stretched to it's ut
most tension, whisked me across the
country, more than $500 miles in di-
rect line, in the twinkling of an eye.
Reached here with more than half a
minute to spare.
1t isn't difficult job to go around the
globe in sixty minutes. All you need
beside your ticket is fan, an overcoat,
a bottle of lung balsam and a small
bottle of the other kind of balsam to
counteract the effect of sudden changes
of climate.
Any body can go round the world in
sixty minutes.
In the old fogy days of 1890, two hun
dred years ago, it was thought Won
derful thing to make the trip in seventy
two days. six hours and eleven minutes.
This only shows that the people of that
bygone age were not really sensible OF
their misery. They thought they were
pretty smart Let us regard them, my
countrymen, with feelings of sincere
compassion rather than contempt
My little jaunt has made me hungry
/ must go to lunch.-Y. Knott, in Chi
cago Tribune.