Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-08-14

give you anything. I'm deaf and can't
hear your music.
Friend speaking into his trumpet
Well, give him dime out of thankful
ness because you can't hear him.
Epoch.
MARRIED MEN REALIZE THIS.
Somebody says, at is just as easy to
tell lie." OF course it is, but the results
are not so Immediately pleasant.
Bonneville Journal.
AMBITION DEFINED.
'My son, define ambition"
"Well, it's always feeling that you
want to do something that you know you
can't y Life.
THE BOY AND THE WATERMELON.
A brief poem on a boy and a water
melon:
Morn: Rollicksome.
Noon: Frolicsome.
Night: Colicsome.
II Washington Post.
81 see the Reading Railroad Superin-
tendent has ordered the trainmen to shave
off their wkiskers."
"Curious order. l suppose, though,
it was necessary. The wind blowing
through their whiskers probably delayed
the train"
REFLECTION.
Mr.. Yamacraw-Miss Priscilla, you are
a first-class mirror
Miss Priscilla Pulaski (blushing)--La! /!
Mr.. Yamacraw, why9 Because l am so
truthful?
Mr.. Yamacraw-No; because you are
such a good looking lass.
Miss Priscilla Mr.. Yamacraw
and am | then to regard you as an ad-
mirrora-[ Savannah News.
HER HEAD WOULD KEEP HER UP.
Maiden Fair-Oh, it always makes my
head swim to go on the water.
Sailor Facetious-No danger of drown
ing, then, mem, if you should fall over
board. Bazaar.
wELL-NAMED.
81 see that button parties are being
held in some parts of the West" re-
marked Mrs. Cumso. 81 wonder why
they are so named"
because they are bound to come off, "
replied Cumso.
CRUEL.
Mrs. Cumso Cat the breakfast table,
George, l wish you would remind me
Cumso Gnterrupting) you begin
trN hnf nd ,a nl
do you2
THE SAD PART.
Fred--I wish my girl would hurry W
and marry me, if she is going to.
Edwin-Is she keeping you in sus
pense?
Frcd-No; expense.-[Detroit Ere,
Press.
GLOW is it possible to reach the peopl
who never read newspaper"
'Some could be got at in asylums fo
the blind, probably. y."-LSociety.
A REMARKABLE TENANT.
"What sort of tenant is Grabber?n
"First rate. He's lived in my hous
for two years and has never once asket
for new foundation for it. New Yorl
Sun.
A CHRONIC SUMMER GIRL.
eyes" said she, dreamily, 81 mus
confess to having seen twenty three sum
mers."
"And the same number of winters,
supposed"
''Oh, the winters don't count. / an
never engaged in the winter. - TER
Haute Express.
HIS LATEST TITLE.
Wee Wife-Love you? Of course
do. You dear, blessed old peach crop
Big Husband loving but luckless)-
Great Scottl Why this new title2
w. W.-Because you are such per
petual failure Yenowine's News.
NO SIGN OF IT THERE.
'ITorses, l hold, have great intelli
gence."
"Some of them have. But there was
one horse down at the Branch thai
hadn't"
GLOW did he show it2"
''He ran away with Miss Patter. y
New York Herald.
SEASIDE AMENITIES.
"I'll have n fit, | know | shallp
shrieked n woman who was refusing to
be coaxed into the surf at Ocean Grove.
"Not in that suit you have on" said
another woman next to her in such q
tone that she fell in heap, and it was
harder to get her out than it was to get
her in Washington Star.
A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE.
Cumso-I don't like the idea of send
ing exploring expeditions tc the North
and South poles.
Fangle-Why notl
Cumso-Because am opposed to going
to extremes.
LATE RETURN FROM EVENING CHURCH.
"What kept you, my daughter, at service
so late?"
Sweet Imogene's father said
"Whenevcr you go with young Repro
bate
You never get back to our garden gate
Till every ones gone to bed"
"The sermon was tedious" his daughter
replied;
"The preacher was dull and grim.
Till the end of the service we had to
bidc,
But the longest wait'-and sweet Imo-
gene sighed
"Was caused by the parting him. y
WOULD 1T REPAY HIM9