Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1890-12-13
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

nS I'D
his wife. 'i '''N'o
MY fortune is made. IF Pastenr
ana Koch can cure consumption and
nydrophobia, why can't | take some
Jackass virus and down asininity ?''-
IeW York Herald.
WHILE | was in Paris" said the re-
turned ballet girl, 81 saw Bernhardt as
cleopatra. Lit was wonderful
WAS she anything like Cleopatra her
sell, as you remember her ?" asked the
Jealous chorus girl.-New York Herald.
WITE--''l wish you would buy me one
OF those patent inkstands that hold the
INK IN tightly when accidentally upset.
Those inkstands are expen-
slve. l think it would be cheaper to
spank the baby. "-New York Hcekiy
The clouds, as reop1e call them, are
NOT more nor less than cloaks
Designed by heavenly miliners
10 grace celestial folks.
me moon is Just piece OF punk,
me comets are their cars
ANA what we know rs planets are
The stubs OF their cigars.
Ashland Pres
SHOULD like to observe, madam"
said the patient boarder, 'sthat while !
am very fond of the neck of the fowl
you are carving, / shall DENY myself
this year and beg for a large white
chunk of the breast With this view I
have had my trunk packed, and a drav-
man is now waiting at the door for an
answer. Er--is it breast or neck pr
Amerjcdn Grocer
AFRICAN COURTESY MY dear sir, YOU
have travelled in Africa? DO the African
ladies suffer as much as we from the
tyranny of men ?"
oh, no; the ladies there have special
priv opeS--'
How / long to be there !"
AS was going to say, at all the ban
quets the lady captives are always first
eaten. "-Ftegende Biaetter.
A RARA AvIs.-Mrs. De Fadd-''What
an eccentric person Mrs. Homebody
is -
Mrs. De Mania-"Isn't she the oldest
creature She isn't making collection
of anything. ''-New York Ueehu.
$50 Fordham flights has married Mrs.
Bronson, Ell ?"
Eyes. Pm surprised, too. She is u
woman of no family"
"You must be mistaken. Fordy told
me she had five children. '-Harpey's
Bd.0r.
AUNT PoLLY-"Come heah, chile, an
told yo' ole nanny der tex wat de
preacher TOXIN TO- his disclose dis
mo MIN"
George-"I disremember exactly,
nanny, but it ended, Many am cold,
but few am frozen. '"-Horper's Bo~ar.
SAvING.--"In heavens name, Mr..
Mayor, the townhall is on fire Give
me the key to the engine house SO that
we can get at the fire engine I" Il
guess not, fellow. Is it not enough to
lose the town-hall, and now you want
to ruin the engine, too v'-t3iegende
BleHer.
SIZE HIT HIM JUST RIGHT. Miss Nestle
Are you interested in the language
of flowers, Mr.. Appolis ?" Mr.. Appolis
Spring wheat, longs an shorts, staple
brands, an millin' machinery is my pet
hobbies. Seen them patent bags fer
packin' ?'-Judqe.
AN amusing incident occurred last
week at Essegg, in Austria. IN a play
called "Die Hochzeit Won Valein" the
heroine has to die, her death being
brought about by villain who shoots
her with pistol. At the critical mo-
ment the weapon misses fire; but the
actor was equal to the emergency, and
acclaimed at once: ode, then, the first
victim of smokelcss powder n'-Gdhg-
Mani.
SrRAwBER--''T was pretty good
trick that was played on a gas company
in Chicago. A fellow out there discon-
nected his meter, put a rubber tube
around it, and for months they dldn't
discover that he had peen ropplhg
Them"
Singerly-"What did they do with
him then"
Strawber -" They made him one OF
the directors of the company. life
A FOLLOWER of the profession OF jest.
ing, having taken occasion to speak OF
the vein of humOr, was asked by MS
AinDant yis-a-vis: "In what part of the
body does the vein of humor lie?"
Without q moments hesitation he re-
nlied: at starts from the funny e,
skirts the humerus, and discharges n
the lest. "-Horper's Magazine.
JlMMY-"Ma, can l have that choeo-
late on your dressing case ?'
Mother Yes" Jimmy makes a
motion toward taking it,.
Mother-"Why don't you take 1t II
YOU want it? Why, | declare, 1t $
,Iimmv-"Yes; ate it before I asked
YOU for it."-Spdre Moments.
Sue was q bright girl and they were at
tho seasons last game of base ball. She
had won his enthusiastic heart by I'M
Outstanding the game right OFT, ana ne
loved her even more than if she had
been only his sister. cit reminds me
Of the household, F" he said. The plate,
The batter, the fowls, and the flies, etc.
:And it reminds me Of marriage, )" she
added. 'eFirst the diamond, where
they are engaged, then the struggles
and the hits. then the men going OUT,
and, finally, the difficulty they have IN
Getting home !" And he sat and thought
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