davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Saw the Latest Styles.

"You don't seem to understand how to
manage baby" said Union depot Of
fetal to a young man who was holding
a six months old infant rs though it were
a bunch of lath.
81 amt entered in bodybuilding
race" replied the young man YEARLY.
81 don't aspire to no championship in
this line, and if my style Of holding this
kid don't suit you, I'll give it to you
and let you jump it awhile"
Make me jump it Can't do that, you
know: | amt jumping other peoples
children for my health"
"Nor l either. Perhaps its mother
will get back soon. She's been gone an
age. wonder what her name is ?"
"Why, amt that your kid ?"
81 should say not. can't indulge in
no such luxuries on 50 a week.
'Did its mother give tito you to hold ?"
''Yes said she'd step into the restaur-
ant and eat a bit. Had ridden three
days and nights on the cars, and was al
most beat out"
The railway Official took squint into
the restaurant. cit was empty. He re-
ported to the young man, whose knees
Immediately began to knock together. \
still hunt for the mother proved fruitless.
Lady passengers gathered around COM
miseratingly. They tootsie-wootsied the
babe, and wild light came into the
young mans eyes as though he was med
itating a break for liberty. An hour
passed. The youth considered his doom
sealed. Suddenly the mother appeared
in the room, somewhat flushed, but pro-
fuse in apologies.
"Yes," she explained, "after eating l
just ran up town to look at the spring
hats and summer goods combinations in
the shop windows. Haven't had a
chance in four days. Stayed too long,
but I'm thousand times obliged to you,
sir"
"Don't mention it," replied the young
man, with kind of "listen to my tale of
woe" infection in his voice.-.T. Paul
pjOnssr Press
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
A Story of Dom Pedro.

DIR. Stellwag, the famous oculist, while
lecturing to his students at Vienna, told
pretty story of Dom Pedro, Of Brazil.
He said that he had had many opportu-
mites of conversing with the ex-Em-
peror, man of the highest character and
of great culture, whose heart and mind
were always filed with plans for improy-
ing the condition of his people. 1t was
one of his dearest wishes to have big
hospital in Rio, but he lacked the money
wherewith to built it, and the wealthy
could not be induced to subscribe. Then
an idea came to him, as it had to the
Emperor Joseph nearer home, and he
began to bestow titles. Any man who
was willing to give good, round sum TO
the hospital could call himself Count,
Viscount or Baron. The patent of nobil-
ity was not hereditary, and if the child
ren wished to inherit the fathers title
they had TO pay over again. Rio was
suddenly peopled with mobiles, and the
hospital was built on grand scale and
when it was completed Dom Pedro had
the following incription placed over its
gates: "yanitas Humana Miserie HUI
NAME" Human Vanity to Human
Misery London Daily Nsrs.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Treat Old People Well.

There is nothing in the world more
pathetic than the meek, timorous, and
shrinking ways Of certain old people
we have all seen them-who have given
up their cid homes into younger hands
and subsided into some out-of-the-way
corner of it, 10 sit by the freside and
table henceforth rs If afraid Of making
trouble" as if afraid of being Sin the
way" afraid of accepting half that is
their due and going down to their graves
with pitiful, deprecating air, as if con-
stantly apologizing for staying so long.
There is no scorn too deep and sharp for
the sons and daughters who accept this
attitude on the part Of those to whom
they owe 50 much. Sometimes, TO be
sure, people grew old with bad grace.
They become embittered by misfortune
or sfiiictiOn, or are peeyish and unreason-
able under the goad of i'll health. All
the more do they appeal to great gentle
ness and faithfulness. Let it be borne
in mind that we, too, are Fastening to-
ward the sunset Of life, and that We may
ripen into very uncomfortable old people
to demand much more of patience and
devotion than We, as children, yield
them - Christian JHi0n.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Doing Ones Best.

Ones best is a very variable quantity.
Duties must be done, obligations met,
responsibilities discharged, irrespective
Of our moods and often Of our capabili-
ties. When the hour strikes for certain
work to be done, we must be on hand
to 10 it with little regard to whether we
can do it well or ILL., But all that is re-
quired Of us is to do the best we can at
the time and it is accepted Of man
according to that he hath, and not ae-
cording to that he hath not
The house-mother often rises in the
morning feeling quite inadequate to
meet the requirements Of the day. As
she sees what her children need, and
compares their needs with her ability to
meet them, she can but exclaim, "Who
is sufficient for these things?" There is
nothing for her to do but 20 do the best
she can, even though it be very poor
best
When nine o'clock calls the teacher to
AJt PuyAi-1 hpt Always - ohS III bhc bCoe
mood for answering that call. But she is
required only to do the best she can.
The student sits down TO a hard lesson,
perhaps with aching head, dull percep-
tions, with unretentiye memory, and his
very best Efforts fail 70 make him master
of it. His conscience may give him the
peace his standing in the recitation room
denies.
There are some things for which we
may be held responsible in the matter Of
doing our best Whatever that is avoid
able by us of that ability, we are in duty
bound to avoid We cannot knowingly
and willingly put it out of our power to
do our best and then complain of the re-
suit or deny our responsibility for it.
Sometimes the very astars in their
courses" seem TO fight against US as they
fought against Sisera. The skies are
clouded, the storm howls about us, the
atmosphere is oppressive, and our zen
vironment" suppresses, chokes US. Even
then ali we are required 10 DO is our best
and leave results with a higher power
Christian Adcocate.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
His Reform Now Possible.

Samantha, wish could break NY
self Of this slayish habit Of smoking ~
said Mr. Chugwater, despairingly. I'D
give worlds if could do il
"Will you be guided by my advice"
Josiah ?" asked Mrs. Chugvater
"What do you know about such
things ?" he demanded.
''Neyer mind what" she replied. "WiI
you promise to DO exactly what I pre-
scribe p
"For how long?'
"For about two week
ooh, yes" he said, listles-ly, eco
ahead with your prescription"
Mrs. Chugwater left the room and re-
turned in moment with box of 100
cigars.
Josiah" she said, tenderly, Il bought
these of peddler FOR fifty cents, and
have been saving them for you. You
viii smoke fourteen of them every day
till they are all gone"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Getting Ready to Be Shot.

General Horace Porter gives the fol-
lowing grim details Of sewing names ior
the death roll, one Of the old familiar
scenes "the night before the battle"
Il was going through the camp the
night before the battle, and noticed
nearly all the men sewing. Ordinarily
would have thought very little Of seeing
group of soldiers patching up their
army clothes. In this ease, however,
pretty much every one was sewing some
sort Of a piece into the breasts Of their
coats.
"My curiosity was aroused, and asked
one Of The men what it was all about
'Nothin' much, sir, said the soldier,
saluting. only the boys allow that we're
goin' TO get it hot tomorrow, and they
are just sewing their names on to their
coats, so that if they 90 under, as a good
many of Us viii, sir, some one can tell
who we are. That's all, sir
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
An Experiment With a Bride

A bridal couple took our train from
Buffalo to Philadelphia, and it was gem
orally remarked that they conducted
themselves as well as could be expected
under the circumstances. After about
four hours ride the groom got off at n
station where a short stop was made,
saying to the bride that he wanted to
speak to man, but saying to one of the
boys on the quiet:
"When the train starts III get into
the car behind and she'll think | was
left. Then look out to see her 90 INTO
fits I'll appear on the scene in time to
prevent consequences"
The program was carried out. As the
train started a drummer rushed into the
car and plunged himself down beside
the bride, without a question, ard in five
minutes he was talking about the wealth
er Buffalo, Philadelphia, and a dozen
things. She grew interested at once, and
did not even appear to think of her
newly-made husband. The latter waited
a quarter of an hour, and then sneaked
into the car. lie expected to find her
half dead with anxiety, but she wasn't.
She was talking in very animated way,
and when he came for ward she looked
up and said
"That you, james? ! thought you
were left. Sit down back there some-
where
And for two hours he "sot," while
that drummer held the fort, and every
body was tickled to death. Later on one
of the boys said to him:
"Your experiment didn't work as you
thought it would, did it?"
"Not exactly" was the reply, "but you
wait. You ought to be around tonight
when / wallop her with wet towel"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
He Stood the Test BraveIy.


4 Woodward avenue dentist received
call the other morning from couple
whom he soon had reason TO believe were
lovers. The girl had an aching tooth,
and as they entered the Office, the young
man said
Now, darling, the worst is over.
Just take a seat, and it will be out in a
minute"
"Oh I daren't," she gasped.
But it really don't hurt you any, you
know"
but Pm afraid it will"
It can't. I'd have one pulled in a
minute if it ached"
81 don't believe it."
Oh, yes, l would"
Has she got bad tooth ?" asked the
dentist.
yes, sir it has ached for a week, and
I've just succeeded in getting her down
here. Come darling, have it out"
Oh cant :"
But you must"
/ can't stand the hurt
Hurt Now, then, III have one pull
ed, just to show you that it doesn't hurt. -
lie took seat, leaned back and open
ec his mouth, and the dentist seemed to
be selecting tooth to seize with his for
cePs, when the girl protested
Hold on Tie test is sufficient. He
has proved his devotion. Get out, Harry,
and III have it pulled"
She took the chair, had the tooth
drawn without a grosn, and as she went
out she was saying to the young man
" Now I can believe you when you de-
clare that you would die for me"
And yet every tooth il his head was
false.-Der0i Free Press.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Not Exactly Biblical.

was following rough and rugged
road running along the French Broad
river in Eastern Tennessee when a man
with rife in his hand stepped into the
trail ahead Of me with "howdy strang-
er?'' saIuted in return, and he looked
cautiously up and down the road and
around him and inquired:
see anything Of any old man with a
coon-skin cap on p
no"
Haven't seen old Adams back thar
anywhere cunning for me ?"
''No. Are you out for a shoot ?"
"Wsl, old Adams is cunning for me,
and am cunning for he. We doan'
snuggIe agree) on mewl trade
The day was warm and was tired,
and so sat down on rock and asked
him TO sit beside me, and then / began
to talk to him about the enormity Of the
ofense Of holding life 50 lightly. told
him that such cunning" excursions
were no more or less than murder, and
that such conduct was more beftting
Africans than Tennessee white men.
"Then why does he'un do it?' he
queried.
"And Why do you do it g' retorted.
"But let him come to me and own up
and ask to be friends"
"But Why don't you go to him?"
We had been talking for half an hour
and he was coming my way Of thinking.
"You read the Bible, don't you? pr
asked
"Sartin"
"What does the Bible say about shoot
ing down a fellow-man in cold blood ?D
At that instant his cap flew Of, flames
blazed out from the bushes opposite. and
the snap ola rife came to our ears.
1T says yelled the man, as he sprans
up and leaped into the read-"it says
that oneTy skunk Of an Adams has pop
ped at me, and I'll be if / don't hey
his scalp befo' he kin git away ~
lie advanced to the bushes, lodged
about for a minute and fired, but Adams
was on the run and was not hit.-Detroa
Free Press.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Swallowed Two Wars and More

There were a number of US in one OF
the London taverns made famous by
Dickens, when great big fellow slouch-
ed in and made himself very disagreea-
bic with his mouth. One of our party, a
man from Boston, and some way or other
he and the big man came to exchange
words. The first we heard Of the row
the big man was saying
"You Yankees is great on the brag,
and that's all you can do"
"Well, dunno" replied Boston
'But do. When did you ever do a
bloomink, blasted thing?"
"How about 1776 ?"
"Never heard ofitw
''How about 1922"
"Never heard ofit"
''Did you ever hear of Bunker Hill ?"
Il have, sir. That's where 600 red
coats licked the life out Of 4,GG0 braging
Yankees
81 guess not"
"Not! Does you dare to dispute the
Liverpool Kid ?"
you'd better read what history says" "
81 have done that ere, bloomink idiot,
and it says as how all you Yankees run
at the first fire. Don't it now?'
al never heard that it did"
'Don't it say that?'
The big fellow had pushed up his
sleeves and put up his fists, and it was
plain that row was on hand. He was
big enough TO eat two such men as Bos-
ton, while he had friends to look out FOR
the rest of us. Our companion therefore
took the most prudent course and
acknowledged that history might say so.
This satisfied the big fellow, and he turn
ed away and glanced at Frenchman,
also tourist, who had come in later.
After a long stare he walked up to Cra-
po ana shouted
"Blast yer blOominkIsparley vons, but
we've always licked ye out of yer boots
on land and sea"
"You speak Won big lie /" shouted the
Frenchman, hot in minute.
"What Call the Liverpool Kid liar
to his face" I"
"Ayel and / shall now give you Won
awful beeg licking"
Johnny" got out of his coat in jifIy,
danced around with his hands up, and
to our utter astonishment the Kid went
right down into his boots and skunk out
Of the room, having no more pluck than
a hen. We sat there for FIVE minutes be-
fore any one spoke. Then it was the
Boston man, who said
"Just think of it can lick six fel-
lows like that banty Frenchmsn and yet
that bif duffer made me swallow two
wars for independence and Bunker Hill
on top of them IN Y. Sun.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
BE TRUE TO ONE.
BY MRS. NJ. A. KIpDER.

By Mrs. N. A. KiDDER.
Flirt not, little beauty,
Though some may have said,
" Your face is your fortune:
Choose well ere you wed.
Remember this. maiden,
So Rumor asserts;
A man seldom marries
The woman who flirts.
Don't say il is pastime,
A joke, or mere fun;
A woman's white soul
Is like snow in the sun.
Loves pure rays viii melt il
To tears OF TO smiles;
But dust from the highway
And by waydetiles,
When once you have choscn
The man OF all men,
Who loves you most dearly
And you loye-why, then,
Look cut, and not tritle,
Or let your thoughts rove
To other admirers
So sacred Is lsre.
With hands elasped together,
And heart meeting heart,
Oh, what is there like 1t
In nature or art?
The angels beholding,
The sight would not miss,
of two thus united
In conjugal bliss
Stoop not, little maiden,
From heights where you stand
You hold high place
In our beautiful land
A fair maiden now,
Sweet. true wife By and by;
And mother, perhaps;
What queen stands so high? ?
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
BoggS & Buhl.
1l5, III, 10, 12l, FEDERAL STREET,
ALLEGHENY. Pa.
pEGISTER's NOTICE.

Notice is hereby given to all persons concern.
ed as legatees creditors or otherwise. that the
following accounts have passed register, and that
the same VIII be presented for confirmation and
allowance at an Orphans Court % be held al
Somerset on Wednesday May =, $50:
tirst and final account Of David A. Swank
Administrator Of Cyrus Swank deed.
First and final account OF Jonas steyannus, Ad-
ministrator Of Christian Hochstcttcr, deed.
First and inai ace uut Of Manassas shoemaker
Administrator Of Wm. linkey decd
First and final account OF VIM. H. Miller, Ad-
mlnistrator Of John W. Fritz. decd.
First and final account of J. c. Giotieity Ext'r
Of John Glotfelty, decd.
First and final account Of Jacob Nicholson. Ad-
minisrator Of Albert Nicholson, iced.
First and final account of OF Jacob Nicholson,
Administrator OF Benjamin Nicholson, decd
First and final account of Frank C. Rhoads
Administrator Of CathRTine Rhoads decd.
First and final account Of f. c. Gloss and John
f. Gloss, Executors Of Levi Gloss, decd.
First ana inal account or James NJ Tissue Ad-
ministratOr of Edward Connolly, decd.
First and final account Of Mm. Maurer, Exec
| utor ofof Elizabeth Dibert, decd.
The account of Jas 3. kininger and FTed'k IL.
Rininger, Administrators of Frederick Kininger,
deceased.
First and final account Of Daniel G. Reitz, Ad-
niniStIator OF Nancy Zgler, deed.
First and final account OF Nm q. Miller and
Daniel g. Miller, Administrators of Jacob L. Mil
First aud fna, account of sam'l j. Bowser and
Jonathan J. Walker. Administrator of Perry
Walker. dec O.
First and final account OF II. 5. Klmmel, Admr
Of Emma kmmel de- q.
First and final account Of Jacob G. Horner. Ad-
ministrator. of Mary Ann Shaiier, decd.
FiTSt and final account Of Henry X. Musser,
Executor of Samuel Musser. decd
First and final account of Albert ]. Null, Admr.
Of Gideon Null. decd.
First and final account Of Jacob A. Barron and
George " Maueeny, Admr's. OF Chauncey Mar
teeny. decd.
First and final account ofB. 6. Fleck. Adnr. of
Ann Dora Pifcr. decd.
First and fiDal sccount Of John NJ Topper Ex-
ecutor Of Anna ". Krone decd.
First and inal account of Vim. II. Swank, Ad-
ministrator Of Benjamin Stufit decd.
First and final account Of Martin l.. Shaver,
Admir- OF Franklin +. Custer, decd.
First and final account Of Jonathan Gumbert
Administrator of Joseph Mosgraye, deed.
First account OF Joseph 5. Miller and Samuel 5.
Miller. Executors OF SaIn1 y. Miller, deed.
Account Of John II. Uhl, Admr. of CathaTine
Flickinger, decd.
Account of s p. Geisel and Eliza Berkey, Ad-
mnistrators of Jacob Berkey. decd.
Firstand final account Of Tobias 5. Fisher, Ex-
ecutor of Ludwick KOob d9ced
Registers Office J. D. SwANK
April 30, 1880. Register
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
How Did He Learn Such Talk 3?

A little boy of four years has for some
time had a habit Of waking about mid
night and calling for drink of water. At
last his mother told him one evening, as
he was put to bed, that she would not
get up any more to wait upon him that
she would put pitcher OF water and
glass on stand in his sight, and left
him.
That night at the usual time the boy
called
4 want d'ink O water 1 want a
d'ink o waterr
But she paid no attention. lie called
two or three times, and after he had
whimpered a bit she heard him get up
and thump along the floor to the stand.
And then through the darkness came
this very positive ejaculation
" / hope 1 thpill every jam jop."-Bos-
ton Transcript
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
The Standard.

regard Hoods Sarsaparilla as hav-
ing passed above the grade of what are
commonly called patent or proprietary
medicines" said well-known physician
recently. " 1t is fully entitled TO be con-
sidered a standard medicine, and has
won this position by Its undoubted merit
and by the many remarkable cures it has
effected For an alteratiYe and tonic it
has never been equaled."
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Facts Worth Knowing.

In all diseases of the nasal mucous
membrane the remedy used must be
non-irritating. The medical profession
has been slow to learn this. Nothing SIT
isfsctory can be accomplished with dou-
ches, snuffs, powders or syringes, be-
cause they are all irritating, do not thor
oughly reach the affected surfaces, and
should be abandoned as worse than fail
ures. \ multitude Of persons who had
for years borne all the worry and pain
that catarrh can inflict testify to radical
cures wrought by Ely's Cream Balm.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
Real Courage.

Jones and his friends were discussing
the latest hon accident.
Why, I've been in that cage myself
a dozen times" boasted that inveterate
Joker
And you weren't afraid ?"
"Of course not; the lions had been
taken out."-Judge.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

"Young man." he began, and he lean
ed his chin on the back of the seat
ahead, "I'm prohibitionist, and L"
''That's all right" whispered the young
man, watch out, and when nobody's
looking, reach down under the seat"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

The Quakers, who are believed to have
numbered 100000 about two centuries
ago, now have scarcely $4,000 members
in this country.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

Mamms-"Are you VAIN, Bobby -
Bobby Gin bedl-"Yes, mamma, as
warm as toast"
"Why, no you're not. You are as cold
as you can be-"
"Well, I'm as warm as the toast we
had for supper"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

A policeman at Davis City, West Va,
arrested drunken man, and, having no
jail, locked him up in box car.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

A mathematician has calculated that
the dead are in the minority, after all,
such is the rapid growth ofhuman popu-
lation.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

4 shaker cOmmuniiy-where the ague
prevails.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

Ode to bald-headed men-There'n be
no parting there.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
SILKS

AT 30 cents, p inch extra quality Black
Dros Grain Dress Silks. You may think it
strange that We claim these silks are equal
in quality to most 81 10 and 81 25 ones.
But compare them.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
3. & 3.
An advantageous Trade.

1t is to your advantage to trade with
us. You may not have thought so here
toiore. But here are few points fol
your consideration
The assortments in the fifty-two depart.
ments of these large stores is the largest
The qualities are the best, as we han.
die no low grade, trashy goods, and
The prices are reliable, just and lowest
always the lowset.
We want you to hold us to a strict ac-
counting for ali of these claims.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28
AT IS CENTS.

100 pieces 40-inch Colored Mohairs, the
most desirable fabric at present, 50 cents a
yard All colors, and grey and brown mix
lures. NoDe better sold anywhere at %
cents.
lfintcrested at all in Silks, write for a SAM
pie Of our special value 24-inch Black Sur
abs, at IS cents. We had 10 buy very
large lot TO get them to sell al this price, but
will sell you as many or few yards as you
like.
Catalogue free. Mail order business Civ
en- very best attention.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-05-28

stay.
Long ago the corn has been reaped and
gathered, and bound into yellow shocks
on the hillside. But the old hat still
futters aimlessly on its stake in the mid
die of the iels.
"Don't take it away" says Rachel, who
is sewing diligently on bridal dress Of
white alpaca, with loopings of creamy
ribbon sprinkled all over it. Il like to
sit here at the window and look at it. 1t
teaches me lesson-not to judge too
hastily"