The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1890-05-28
THE I. /. N.
Amusing Incidents Of Travelling in
Foreign Countries.

fOit1Su OUuutIIcSs
The letters Up. l.. NJ" are a magic
combination. They are a sort Of alpha
bette "open sesame" P. l.. NJ. is the
enchanted gateway through which every
one must pass to escape from the damp,
shivery gloom Of an English winter Il
the paradise Of eternal sunshine. The
old, the worn and the weary go through
this portal to have a refreshing dip in
the fountain of youth; the sick go to get
well and the hopeless to die. The letters
on the northern side Of this gateway
might stand for piercing livid misery or
pouring liquid mud, or potatoes, liver
and mutton or pitiless lurid murder; and
ON the south for peaceful, lifegiving
mildness, OF palms, Lilies and mandarins
or ports and lakes and mountains; but
in plain literal meaning they stand for
the railway called the Paris-Lyons-Medi-
t~erranean, running from the capital of
France to the great southern sea and
along the Mediterranean coast to the
Italian frontier.
A little knowledge is a dangerous
thing especially if that little happens to
be wrong. always had the idea that
p. L. M. station was that terminus south
Of the Luxembourg palace. Idon'tknow
how this notion fixed itself on me; any
how, when the cab driver instead of cross
ing the Seine took the rough stony street
on the north side of it, / thought he had
mistaken my instructions and tried to
tell him where to go. This attempt to
give a Paris cabman information about
his own city evidently amused him very
much, and he proceeded to argue the
point with me-he talking French while
1 confined myself to English-but strong,
forcible English.
think a woman takes a deplorable de-
light in finding her husbandin the wrong.
Anyhow, this remark was made.
"There is just one chance in a million
that you are mistaken and that the man
knows where he is going"
knows? He doesn't know anything.
and to show that / was in the right 1 was
indiscreet enough to pull out a map Of
Paris. / tried to fold it up again as
quickly as possible, but was moi soon
enough.
AAAhOUAJe q Liz 1cl MCLS I1&lj &ILEI
al. It's miles away and on this side of
the river"
$50 on" I shouted to the driver,
what are you stopping for? Drive on
and hurry up"
Now, this idiotic cochier seemed to
think every time | tried to get him to
move on thGt / wanted to reopen the ar
gument about the position of the p. L.
M. station. He would pull up his horse
and turn half round in his seat towards
me and vehemently expound his side of
the controversy. / realized that if this
sort of thing was kept on we would miss
the train, and l was just debating
whether it would be better to murder
the mai outright and take the reins my
self, or merely stun him and try to get
to the station before he revived, when
there came along a pedestrian who
looked as If he were an Englishman.
ST beg your pardon I said, .sbut do
you speak Englishg"
II have been accustomed to speak it"
he answered, coming to a standstill,
ssfrom my youth up. What can I do for
you?"
Nothing, unless you can also speak
French"
"Ah, there you touch my weak point;
still I know enough of the language to
get cheated"
"WeI, | wish you would ask the driv-
er what he is arguing with me about
politics or religion?'
There was an animated confab be-
tween the two for a minute. then the
stranger turned to me.
"The driver says that you seem a little
wabbly in your mind as to what partic-
ular station you want to 60 to. He says
he doesn't mind driving to n n sta
ton, but he declines to experiment with
all the termini in Paris unless you hire
him by the hour"
"Will you kindly tell him that I want
the p. L. M. station and that l want it
bad. Ask him to hurry and hint at ex-
ira compensation"
When this was done the stranger was
good enough to give me some hints that
might prove useful.
'sIf he doesn't move fast enough don't
say go it or hurry up he'll think you
want to enter into conversation with
him. Shout sPressay,' and if that doesn't
do, punch him with your can They
understand that in every language. Don't
hit him with tho cane. He will, take
that as a challenge and hit back with the
whip, but punch him gently and yell
'Pressay.' Good-by. Oh, don't mention
ii. No trouble at ALL"
"Now, you v~illain,"I cried, "Pressay
or perish"
He gave that peculiar ssYouep" which
French drivers SO frequently address to
their horses, hit the animal an under cut
with the whip, then worked off a fusil-
ade of sharp whip cracks that sounded
like a succession of pistol shots and the
horse broke into d detected gellop, which
finally worried us to the foot of thestone
hill that leads to the station. The big
clock showed that it was still FIVE min
utes to train time. This, on most lines
in France or Italy, would be equivalent
to missing the train, but the P. l.. M.
people run a modern railway, and SO,
with the aid of a good angel, who. in