Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-05-09
PITH AND POINT.

BLACK GEt-charcOaI sketch.
THE 1ove-sick maiden is almost always
too small for her signs
CHIoAGO's big feat-Outwitting New,
York in the worlds fair contest,
THE cats purr is the sign Of peace.
The ROSTERS spur Is an emblem Of
war.
NATURE has wisely arranged matters
so that man can neither pat his own
back nor kick himself
To KNOW how to wait is the secret Of
hope TO have time to wait long
enough, is the hope of success.
A RECENT novel in flexible covers i.
creating a great sensation A Bur
hngtOn woman uses it to spank her
children with.
TEACHER Now, my children, we will
parse the sentence. John refused the
pie" Tommy Jones, what is John?
TOMMY darned fool.
A GOOD instance of absence of mind
was an editor quoting from a rival
paper one of his own articles, and head
ing 1t, " Wretched Attempt at Will"
CHoLLY-I am practicing on the
typewriter every day now. Molie-
L thought there was a remarkable i'm
PrOvement in your counting here lately,
YEAsT-What's Smithers playing in
now? CrimsOnbeak-Ha Does
he enter into the spirit of the piece ?"
ooh, yes; he is taking the part of the
! Ghost"
coz what nationality is your husband,
/ Mrs. Flaherty ?" "Faith, and / don't
! just know. He was born in England
but he has lived all his life in this
country"
ANGRY subscriber am mad all the
way through, and I want my paper
! stopped. EditOr-Yes, sir; do you want
to pay what you owe? Angry subscrib-
er-NO; 1 amt mad enough for that.
TRAMP you give me bite to
| eat, madam? Minister'S wife - We
haven't a bite in the house. A donation
party swooped down on us last night
and cleaned us out of everything but
the furniture.
EDITH don't like electric light in
a house. Jack-Why? Edith-because
it can be turned on so unexpectedly by
pa, for instance. Jack ?-Well, let
go out on the piazza. The moon
won't play us any trick.
SUNDAY-sCHooL teacher - Willie,
how would you feel if you should ask
somebody for bread and be given q
stone? Willie "a jewelers. son)-If il
was no better than the one on yOuI
shirt front I'd feel awful.
DURING a wifeIy call: Mrs. Wiggers
What is that thing, William? Mr.
Wiggers - Why, mother, that's a
ahem-well, you know; why, that's my
new debating machine. Mrs. Wiggers
oh! 1 was afraid for minute it was
one Of those type-writers.
! DE SNOOKs Is your pretty little
! friend much of an artistic? Rival Belle
Nothing original about her, sht
copies everything she does. De SnOolz
Is that so? Rival Belle bitterly
Yes, I don't believe she can draw hel
own breath without using tracing
paper.
Mas. DUsKY-Am dem de black
stockings you told me "about buyin p
Miss Saffron-Yes, dem is de ones
; Cicely; an dey only cos "seyenty-fivt
cents" cam dey silk? ?" "Not 'zactly
a but dey're jes' as good" AN Will de,
wash" "Dat I don know Use only hat
'em fo' weeks.
Great editor-I think it would be
good idea to print our circulation at tn
head of our editorial page. What's tn
/ population of this country? Bushes
? manager About 10000, 900. Grea
editor-Well, We'll not claim circu
Z. Iation of over 6O,000,000. No use
: being hOggish.
DREADFUL POSSIBILITY.
The lands OF the Sioux
Are open, tits triOux,
To the hardy white settler who likes all thing
niOux;
, But what viii he diOux
When the frOlicsOne Sioux
SWOOPs down on him. scaIps him. and chOu
him in tiOuX2
Chicago Mail.