Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1890-09-05
WIT AND HCMOR.


-itchiS0H Gl0b,.
1t is the man who is caught short"
that finds how BIZ aches from little
owc-corns Grow.-A>h'd1d Press.
The Census Bureau. Fitzsimmons, is
collector of facts that yOa never can
get at until they are out of date
Puck.
Il don't know" is one half of the
system Of agnosticism. The other halt
is: Neither TO YOU. !hitadclphio
Ledger.
Give girl dollar ard you will see
her wearing it tomorrow; give Il boy
a dollar and he will cat it.-itchiSon
Globe.
SeliishncsS is the mcancst and most
contemplate Of all viccs-othcr peo-
/ pies scltishacss. that -S9mcrciiic
Journal.
I'm not tramp. ma'am." Then
what are you?' I'm walking dele
gate for the worlds fare. '-Ihiiadeiphio
Times.
The chess player who pledges his
watch for funds to bet on game with
knows what Il nights pawn is.-New
Orleans Picayune.
Bystander Ito man just fallen into
the water)-''Say. what are you fish
ing for?" Drowning Man-''For sue
cor"-Binghan.tom Leader.
Smithers - Ever taste terrapin?"
Bronson = "Yes." Smithers-.'Wha
kind of a taste is it?" Bronson-''Ex.
pensive. "-Harper'S Bazar.
A most striking example of where
ignorance would he bliss is in the
case of the man who knows it all and
wants to tell it.--Hdshingt0,s Post.
lis it takin' the cinsus yez call
it?n said Mrs. McFinnerty to the
enumerator. s.Takin' the nonsinses
| is what it is, DIM thinkin. y Washing.
ton Post.
We notice in little tale at hand the
statement He kissed her under the
tulips" Bad shot. Right square on
the tulips rings the belle.-Bimghans.
ton Leader.
If Mr.. Edison wishes to have his
name linger in the annals of time let
him apply his "seareh-light" invention
to the front door keyholc.-Ionkers
| Statesman.
"Longfellow's poem. The Day Is
Done did not refer to a June day.
How do you know?" Because there
is nothing so rare Us day in June
N. Y. Sun.
Going camping out this year?"
mo. camped out last year" why
don't you camp out this ycar?" Il
just told you. camped out last year."
| -LOtccU Citizen.
but tell me- what was there so
| hard to bear III the penitentiary?
Discharged Prisoner-''The piano prac.
tice of the Superintendent wife. -
Fliegende Btatter.
Miss Suburb-..Ma are the Stickups
rich?" Mrs. Suburb--"I guess so.
They rented their house for three sum-
mers right along. and got the money"
m. Y. Weekly.
Tho man who conquers himself is
greater than the man who conquers a
city. but they both humbly take of
their hats to the man able to control
his wife.-Terre Haute Express.
"Going to the masquerade" Yes.
as Truth" But. my dear madam,
consider. have you looked up the prop
er costumc?" YES. NV opera dress
will do very well."-N. Y Herald
Il SAW the new picture of johnson
in the artists studio" Look like
him?" Il cant say; it was just tin
ished; it wasn't dry" D! then it
can't be like Johnson. ~ Philadelphia
Times.
Angry Customcr-'Thc eggs you
sold me are stale. Your placard says:
"A lot of fresh eggs" Grocer-..No il
doesn't. 1t reals: "A fresh lot OF
eggs They came in yesterday
Epoch.
Coal Operator (dcspon,lcntfyl u
wish way could be found 10 relieve
the glut in the coal market" Con.
SINNER (contidentially)-"Tell the deal.
ers to give better weight" N. Y
Weekly.
Sunday-school Teacher. What is il
that stingcth like an adder?" Little
Tommy (who remembered Il wood.
house experience)-"I guess it's the
snapper on dads whip Richmond
Recorder.
Grumpy "Pshaw! Women can
never keep secretr' Mrs. Grumpy
Cant, Ell? Perhaps ! haven't guard.
ell the secret that the welding ring
you gave me was platcd?"-Ldwrence
american.
Minister-'I think delivered very
touching sermon to-day. Don't you
think moved the congregation p"
Deacon-:-'I know You did. 1 saw a
good many get up and go out. Dos
Bagley-"Have you recovered from
your recent sickness. Bailey?" Bailey
mo. not fully" Bagley - why,
you look as well as ever" Bailey.
Yes, but l owe the doctor $l3 vet
~ y. Ledger.
This talking all night on the sleep.
ine-car is shame" said the Rev. Mr..
Bolus. Nobody can get to Sleep
Just you talk little. John" said his
wife. They'll all go to sleep right
ON. y Sun.
Here. waiter. is u dollar for a tin.
I've Just been looking over the bill of
fare. Now, tell me honest. what yor
can recommends" Waiter (iu hoarse
whisper)-"Go to some other restau.
rant. "-Flicgendc Blattcr.
Minnie-'.What are the people OF
your church going do with that 1925
they made from the yrab.bag?" Ma.
mle."Wc are thinking of using it to
break up the sale of Louisiana lottery
tickets hcrc."-Ierre Haute Express.
Shc-"Qucer that SO handsome o
man rs Byron should have been so tai.
ented." He-"O. Miss Nixon! Surely
you don't deny that brains and great
beauty often go together. I'm far
from fool. assure YOU Chatter.
Skribler-"Aren't YOU a!rai. that
+ last novel of yours is little too broad,
as it were? l should think it would
be debarred from the mails" Dc Ruy.
ter-'That style of novel is not writ
ten for the males. "-Tcrre Haute Er.
press.
Miss B.-"And you have Just re.
turned from Verona. Did YOU cnioy
your winter there?" Miss S. with
emphasis)-"No; it's a perfectly stupid
old place. Really don't believe there
were ever two gentlemen in Verona!"
-Chautaugan.
Miss Fiancee-"Do you get any
time to practice now, LenaP" Mrs.
Younghusband-'O. yes. plenty of it,"
Miss Fiancee-"Indeed! l am sur.
prised: What are you practicing?"
Mrs. Younphusband- -. .Str;ot oocno