The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-23
BRIGHT BITS.
THE oUAKER's LAMENT.

THE QUAKEE'S LAMENT.
Sing a song of five cents
To the barmal's ear;
lie VIII show you whats the style
Nowadays in beer.
One-third up the liquid goes
All the frOth he can
Isn't That drink TO put
Before a thirsty man
-PldddelDhia Times
1RATE CgsToMER-Look here, Iwant nv money
back That parrot you sold me won't talk at
all.
Bird Dealer-I did the best could, sir. You
insisted on having a bird that would not swear,
-Terre HdUte Express.
BUTCHER Boy-Anything else to take out?
butcaer-1es This ten-pound roast Is to go
TO Mt; wealthy 8 residence, ana this other ten
pound roast is to go t. Mrs. Slimdiets boarding
house. Now don't & them mixed, or Wen lose
two cGstomers.-Ae 2c YORK Weekly.
Doctor Ito pdtient-You are troubled with
| Suffering, beli;ve..
Patient dniighantly} No, sir, I-I-I-don't
| stu-stu-stu-sutt-sy ut-stut- stutter at all
but sta-Sta-sta-Stam-s tam-stammer
some, when get excited Wus lington Star.
ALL TASTES SUIrED.-New Clerk notice
| some of these barrels of apples are marked X
| ana some 4. Are tley different kinds?
Dealer-NO; same kind. but differently
| packed. some customers want barrel opened
at the bottom and some at the top.-Ne,u York
| Weekly.
| ''WHAT would you do if you were mayor of
| Chicago:' is question Chicago newspaper
| requests its readers to answer. A large propor-
| Il would resign II couldn't run the Office in a
| more satisfactory manner than the present in
| cumoent. "-MianeGDoti Tribune
| CURIOUS EXAMPLE, of morbid anxiety on fine
matter OF lying is found in the boy who said he
was accustomed to repeating wnen alone the
| word not huudr DIS of times, ''in the vague
| hope IL might somehow be interpolated into
the divine record OF his many wrong stories
| 2 IVA De- oil ET1,gT
can Journal of Psychotogy
GUs--Why, Algy, what is the matter? Are
/ you sick?
Algernon-No. my deah fellah. but I'm
| twiShtene1 about myself. a doctor told me
yesterday that the air is pwessing on me with n
| pwessure of fit EN- pounds to the inch That's
| "A tewwhbe thing, and [ don't believe can
stand it much lon ser.-Munseys Weekly
Il SPENT a whole hour to-day at the public
library trying to choose novel. It's such a
! nuisance"
/ 80, think it easy enough. just look at the
! last chapter. II l find rain softly and sadly
| dropping over one or two lonely graves [ don't
| take 1t, but ii the morning sun is gljmmerng
| over bridal robes of white satin get it marked
| at once. toronto G. IN.
| JUMPING AT A CONCLUSION lat great
publishing house, wonder how long it would
| take, for instance, to d. this printing aud bind
| ing ON a book twice as big as this Webster's
| Unabridged
Clerk crushing excitedly into firms private
! oficel-f you want a chance to get the Job
printing one of Senator Blairs speeches IN book
| FORM come out mere quick !-C}licuqo Tribune
| DIDN'T THINE IT Was SALT-A yellow-looklng
fellow thar bad spent nearly all bis life shaking
with chills in the Mississippi river bottoms came
TO the city, and, while eating dinner at restau-
rant, shook on handful of salt and swallowed
| it. You must b. behind on SALT said a waiter
| that stood near.
| That's fact" answered the guest. smack
| ing his mouth. ''lt is salt l never seed it
ground up so fine before. have allus seed sa it
with grains about as big as boss con. No didn't
| know this here was salt, or wouldn't a took
50 much. l lowed it was calomeL-Arkunsatv
IrdUe.cT