Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-08-09

the promises of the advertisement
There had been a sound Of reyelry
heard that night ct the seminary which
necessitated investigation By the Mar
shall, who had found the matron and q
dozen young lady pupils manifesting
symptoms of Ia grippe never before
diagnosed In connection with that COM
plant, the details of which it had been
deemed wise and proper to suppress.
Rev. Smythe had been called late In
the afternoon to preach funeral ser
mon for worthy parishioner, and had
conducted the services in very strange
manner indeed. Waxing, unduly elo-
quent as he proceeded, he had declared
that the deceased was brick, had been
brick from the time Catherine of
Russia had discovered America, and
that most of the later grand improve
ments that enterprise had dumped on
American soil, including the Central
Park obelisque, the pyramid of Ghiza,
and the mummies at the dime museum
had come from the private purse of the
deceased before he fell into the soup.
Such a man was dead sure to get con-
sulate in Kingdom Come or there was
no reliability in the text. The laborer
is worthy of the Jackpot. He felt SYM
psthy for the bereaved widow who was
slsshing pretty woman, and If he
hadn't already an incumbrance on his
future freedom of action he would take
her in out of the wet, cold world,
hanged if he wouldn't. He then closed
by saying that if some good brother
would pass the hat the choir might sing
@The Girl 1 Left Behind Me-" or any
other appropriate hymn.
Gillhooly came in after while and
said that he had been in politics steer
years, and had never had so almighty
mean a trick played on him before. In
his caucus speech he had utterly failed,
and so confused had been his ideas that
he had been unable to tell the opLosi-
ton whether the tariff on hides ought
to be reduced or increased. All he
could think of was that blanked Tom
and Jerry and the blankety blsnked
fool that had mixed it as a caucus cor
dial
1t was getting pretty hot for Kelly at
Butternut Ridge, and he sold out be-
fore night and left to grow up with
latitude and longitude farther west.
This is how he happened to be now in
Metropolisville.
Before he had been week in his
new home he fell into an act of cratic
foolishness that gave his hold on for
tune another check. A matrimonial
publication fell into his hands, sent out
by purported agency that advertis ed
to secure to either sex who paid the fees
q life partner with any qualification de-
sired, including great wealth.
Love is no new thing to an Irishman;
but Great Wealth! Mother of Han
nah! That was worth investigating.
So he sent his dollar and hattering
pedigree that lacked nothing but truth.
But to secure partial protection he
signed the fictitious name of John Mer-
but requested letters sent
only to the number of his poStofice
box.
Presently there came letter breath
ing of unsatisfied love and limiting
somewhat indistinctly Of wealth galore,
wealth that was a burden. 1t was
signed Winnie Wolfort, and was soon
followed by several others which, in a
short time led to a proposal and
prompt acceptance.
Miss Wolfort was no chicken, and
meant business. She had made in
quiries, and had ascertained that there
was John Merriweather at Metropo-
lisville, and that, in the parlance of the
wild and woolly West, he was well fixed.
Believing that it is best to strike while
The iron is hot she took the train next
lay for Metropolisville, and, on arrival
where Mr.. Merriweather re-
sided. She was directed to farmhouse
;wo miles away. There she found John
Merriwether to he red-headed son of
toll about 55 years of age, dressed in q
hickory shirt and overalls, and chewing
plug tobacco as if he had never heard |
hat such dissipation would cloud his |
Intellect, impair his health and shorten |
his days.
$50 you are John Merriweather? in |
luired Miss Wolfort with a somewhat |
disappointed stare.
"Ireckon, ms'am, you've got on the |
light trail this time;" Merriweather an
Iwered, "but if I've ever met you afore |
t must been when you want dressed
quite so spruce like, and hang me if I
lon't disremember your face and name
entirely"
rs there any other John Merriweather
n this vicinity?"
Mary one but me. They's aJosh ia,
md Peter and William Henry, that's
,alled Bill for short, but they's boys
} mine, and they and the two gals and |
ne is the only Merriweathers in this
country. I know"
Did you ever write to Miss Winnie
Wolfort?"
"Not's I member on. III did it must |
! been forty years ago, for I haint writ
/ line but once sence, and that was to
'ign a fool contract with q lightning
'od man. Darn 'em, they put eleven
hundred feet O. rod all over me, and I
mad to pay right smart too; and then
he first thunder storm skipped every
hing else just to knock that rodded
house O. mine galley west. 1t did, by
lingo
There is some very disacreeable mis-