The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1890-07-24

"Your door is wider at the bottom
than at the top"
at can't be-"
but your own eyes will convince
you. There's an inch difference.
"Never! Tibet you a million dol
lars there isn't a hairs BREADTH
| ran for my tape-line and soon
proved that the difference was over
an inch.
"Oh? we'll, l can fix that in mo-
ment." he said, but it was nine
o'clock that evening before he came
in. Then he had pounded one OF
his fingers with the hammer, run a
tack into his thumb, got bad hurt
from a brad-awI, and half a dozen
times during the night he groaned
out in his sleep about mortlses, ten
ons, hinges. springs, etc, and once
heard him exclaim:
GIFT Why, if they don't fit I'll
knock the internal old house down.!
1t was ten o'clock next forenoon
when | went out to the barn. He
had the door covered with the wire
cloth, and proudly called my atten-
ton to it.
(Which is the outside Of the door2"
I asked
course"
"Then you've tackled the cloth on
the inside!"
"That's where it belongs"
"You never saw it there, Mr., Bow
ser-never! And look at the way
you have tackled the stuff on. It's
bumped up in a dozen different
places, because you pulled it askew.
"There isn't one hump-nOt the
sign of a hump! Til give any man a
billion dollars to make better job of
it, All that door needs now is paint
ing"
"But don't they paint the frames
before they tack the cloth on2 How
are you going to paint the inside of
the frame?"
Don't you worry yourself about
this lob, Mrs. Bowser. wasn't born
alongside of a huckleberry marsh!"
But after I had gone away he tore
off the wire and painted the frame,
and next morning he covered the
other. That night Mr. Bowser
kicked. around in his sleep in the most
awful manner and at about two
O'Clock in the morning he suddenly
sat up in bed and exclaimed:
"Squeegawed! I'll bet you four
hundred thousand billion dollars
against a cent that they are as plumb
as rule.
Mr.. Bowser had been at work an
hour next morning before [ went out
He had the doors at the front and he
seemed to have some trouble about
hanging them.
"You see what you've done, don't
you?" I asked, after a survey Of the
scene.
81 don't believe I'm either near
sighted or color blind" he replied.
well, you've got one door wrong
side up, to begin with.
"H-how?"
'HLook at the panels and see Then
you have been trying to hang one to
swing in ard the other to swing out,
II have, eh? That shows all you
know about it. I'm simply fitting
the screens so they will shut tight"
Jrst before noon he got hang on
both doors, and as [ looked at them
from the hall l had to sit down on
the floor and laugh They didn't
meet in the center within two inches
and each was half an inch short at
top and bottom. He had also hung
them with the cloth on the inside.
Just then a neighbor came along and
turned into the steps. After looking
at the doors for half a minute in
great establishment, he queried:
Something just from Paris. Bow
ser?"
"What do you mean?'
"Why, you've got new idea in
screen doors. I suppose the space at
the bottom is for bugs. that at the
top for mosquitoes, and the center for
flies. I see you have left the frames
exposed. They will make capital
roosting places for horse.Aies and
pinch-bugs. Did you do this job?"
"Y-yes.
"Well, if I had a girl ten years old
who couldn't beat it I'd make her go
barefoot all summer. I"
81 didn't make these doors for
your house, sir. !"
"Thank Heaven for that! Bow
ser, you're a brick-a soft brick! I'll
come up this evening with band
and serenade these doors"
When the neighbor had gone I
suddenly felt the back end of the
house lift up. It was Mr. Bowser
pulling those screen doors off. He
couldn't even wait to take the screws
out of the hinges. They came off IN