The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-04-06
GIDDY MARRIED WOMEN.
WARD MALLIsTER GIVES THE
LAW as TO FLIRTING.

Law AS TO FLIRTING.
The Attentions a Married Lady May
Receive from Young Men--Sooiety
Does Not Show Its DisapprovaI
Until the Husband Objects-How
Will a Gentleman Procsed When
Some Other Fellow is Over tten-
tive to His Wife,
tCopgrfghtl
New YoRK, April 5.-"What attentions
may married woman legitimately accept
at the hands of her young men acquaint-
ancesn
This was the question | asked Ward
McAllister the other day, aud it was
prompted by the stories that have secured
circulation in the clubs of lite connecting
the names of young married women in a
very unpleasant way with the names of
men who were supposed not only to be
friends Of the family to which the woman
in question belong, but tried friends
of the women's husbands. The
stories concern people who are
of considerable consequence in the
social world of New York, and are there
fore peculiarly interesting. The sentimental
relations which may be established between
men and women in the lower ranks of life.
when the men and women are bound by
domestic ties incompatible with the new
relations they seek to form, oftentimes
bring about picturesque and dramatic
scenes, but the problems involved are
settled either through fisticnffs on the side
walk or through the gentle ministrations of
therefore, only to the shop girl and dis
trict messenger boy readers of sensa-
tional daily papers. When people are NOV
ing in the higher circles, however, n pugi-
listic solution cannot be employed and the
police court is of no service whatever. The
complications, therefore, which arise from
young and srolicsome society matroas ac-
cepting ate atoms from reckless young
bachelors, which they very frequently do,
offer a more delicate and more tedious
problem for the address aud diplomacy of
those Immediately interested and the solu-
ton of it or the attempts at solution may
legitimatelY command the attention Of all
students Of human nature and soci Il phil
osophy.
"Acc riding TO the best social usage" re-
piled Ward McAllister frankly "a young
married woman may accept any attentions
from friend of her husband which she
might have accepted before her marriage,
so long as those attentions are offered puo-
licly, and offered without any attempt
whatever of concealment. She may freely
accept from bachelor friends invitations to
the theater, to the opera, or to balls. She
may accept escorts of this kind to supper,
and may accept at the hands of gentlemen,
flowers and other trifiing presents
which simply denote the friendship
and esteem of HIM who makes
such offerings. Ga the other hand the wife
may invite such friends to dinner at her
home as frequently as she cares to do so or
her husband cares to have them there, and
she may do SO without incurring any conf
ment or any criticism. 1t Is generally
agreed, however, that one infiexible rule
must be observed, and that is that no at
tentious which are paid by him or accsptei
by her shall be of a clande, tins character.
just as soon as there is anything
secret about such intimacy it contributes
an unfortunate and undesirable color
which condemns it at once. There is
no improprietv whatever In married lady
walking in the streets with friend of her
husband so long as the street Is one of the
principal thoroughfares OF the town.. In
other words, she may properly walk along
Fifth avenue or Broadway, or any of the
streets connecting such avenues, but IL she
is seen walking in Sixth avenue or Seventh
avenue so accompanied or up in Harlem,
or on Battery Park, where a modern novel
ist, believe, has one of his women walk
with an admirer, the mere fact of their APP
pearance at these places is suggestive Of crit
icism"
"Do you mean that all these attentions
may be paid by one man to married wo-
man without legItimately exciting remark ~
mo, don't mean that. | mean that the
sentiment of society people is that any of
these attentions singly. or taken together
in moderation, may be offered and accepted
without any improperly. Good taste must
govern a woman in this, as in everything
else. OF course, il a man pays all these az
tentions to a married woman. it Is bound
to provoke the comment of tha woman's
friends, or so-calle1 friends, and no woman
must do anything which will provoke
comment. Just as soon as gossip is ex-
cited over what she is doing shs must call
halt. The friendship between a ma and a
woman may be perfectly proper. That has
nothing to do with the case. She must
avoid the very appearance Of evil If she
is wise, as most American women are, mat
ters will never reach the point where any
comment is suggested, but ii they do reach
that point, the whole thing necessarily must
be dropped. Gossip is vital and permeating,
and there is no arguing 1t down except by
removing the excuse for it,"
There is one branch of this subj oct on
which Mr.. McAllister naturally did not
care to talk, aud that was the branca which
deals with the possible action Of the hus-
band, when matters come to critical point
SO far as the attentio IS of some man or
other to his wife are concerned, and reach
a stage where silence is no longer possible.
Some club men say that, In case like tn S,
tue only thing to do is to thrash the inter-
loper Another class Of men who may or
may not have had experience to guide
them say that the very best thin 2
to do is to go to the gallant knight who in-
sists on paying attentions to a giddy and
thoughtless matron and tell him that if he
does not withdraw his attentions a very
prompt resort will be had to firearms. The
only trouble with this scheme is that very
few men who hold any kind OF a position
care to use such explosive measures, and q
threat of this sort is taken as an empty
threat Another class of authorities on
this delicate point think that the wife alone
should DO dealt with and instructed to
inform her admirer that his attentions
must be dropped and his visits to this hus-
bands house must cease. There is one
trouble, however, with this method. 1t is
not always efficacious. There are cases in
society to-day where men who are not per-
mitted to visit the house OF the lovely
matrons they admire do not hesitate to ask
them to dance in a ball room, or request
permission to take them down to supper,
although the husbands who have forbidden
them the house may be in the immediate