Morning journal and courier., 1890-08-18
CAWS.

Kansas has a town named Atoms, and that is where the cyclone blows things to. -Yonkers Statesman.
 No, Heliogabalus, the crowbar is not the place where the crow pleads for his caws. -Binghamton Leader.
 A minister is excusable for thinking more of the lambs of his flock than of the doze.-Binghampton Republican.
 The Aberdeen Appeal has for its motto, stUnder God the People rule. Women are People. e."-Walworth CS. D. Record.
 The loquacious man is not always a fool; he may be talking to keep from hear ing other people talk.-Elmira Gazette.
 Jimson (during Hull in the converse tionl-However it may appear to you, 1 (reassuringly)-No, I hardly thought so myself.
 'sWhat are you laughing at so.' he asked. suddenly starting up in bed. The wife checked her laughter at once. s.I couldn't help it, John, dreamt I was a widow. w."-Philadelphia Times.
 Fangle-I heard that young MT. Gurley died suddenly of joy the day after his marriage. Cumso-Yes, he discovered that his father-in-law's check was good for the amount called for.-Epoch.
 In Jewelry store-s.I love you,'' said the bronze figure of Venus to a Jurgensen above her, "because you have such an open face" And the watch ran down and kissed her.-Jewelers' Circular.
 Kirkejean (the poete Don't you like the sough of the pines, Miss Windmeres Miss Windmere from the westt| ain't seen her. but we have so many pigs at home I don't care much about 'em.-Judge.
 A mans ears are placed in such a way that he can catch the things that are said in front of him; merciful Providence never intended that he should hear what is said behind his baek.-Atchison Globe.
 Kitty-But, Theodore, Fanny tells me you called her Dearest" too, last night. Theodore-Well, what of it. Kitty-But if she is your dearest, what am I. Theo- dore-You're another.-BostonT Transcript.
 Uncle Abner (enteringl-Say, is this a barber shop! The artist-Naw, it's ton sorial studio. Uncle Abner-Studio, eh Wa-al, if you're only studyin' I'll go fur ther I want a man that knows the trade Puck.
 Simonson-Im very proud of thai horse He only lost one race the whole o last season. Swift-You don't say so How many times was he entered! Simon son (reluctantly(-once, old fellow American Grocer. Haysliti despondontly)--I don't believe I am much of a wit after all. My friend: never laugh at my jokes. Grimmage las suringly)-Oh, yes, they do. They always laugh at them after you have gone out Burlington Free Press.
 Fond Mather-My dear, did you refuse Mir. Foster last night. I heard you say, ''No, no. Never," in quite an agonized tone Daughter-Pshaw! that was noth ing George was just asking me if hs made me tired.-New York Herald. O. B. Joyful-'I shay, olefell, I'm goin | t sthop shakin' dice fer drinks" Olefel -"Shink it's like gamblin'f' O. B. Joy | ful-''No, it (hic) han't zat, but l shake dice sho much every (hic) night, my hant trembles like leaf every (hic) morning. - Good News.
 Mrs. Charley, I don | like that new girl of ours. She doesn' half sweep the rooms. Why, I don't be lieve she thinks of sweeping behind tn doors" Mr Newmarried-.'Oh, don't sh though! She sweeps everything behin' | the doors. rs."-Lawrence American.
 Mr. Billus (angrily)-'Maria, who i that smirking idiot out there in the kitche1 talking to Bridget."
 Mrs. Billus-''That is Blocky, the ies man, John."
 MT. Billus lmuch mollifedl l--Let then
 have the parlor, Maria. ."-Chicago Tr