Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-11-24

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Ananias wouldn't have been IL patch on
the nineteenth century campaign liars
trousers.
childs definition of an elevate Il
THAT thing that you get in just like a
little room, and it g-r-indS you right up
stairs"
''Oh, DEAR" exclaimed young school
girl when she first beheld cucumber, Il
always thought such things grew in
slices"
thought many a time when / used to
go to see my girl she was sweet enough
to eat. And why didn't you eat her? She
soured on me.
Minister-You ought to whip your boy
for fishing on the Sabbath. Deacon
intend to, sir, but 1 thotght I'd let him
clean them first.
At the huSking bee, if you get Il red ear,
you may steal kiss; while, on the contra
ry, under other conditions, if you steal a
kiss, you may get red ear.
Tommy Give years olb) %, papa l
know now what made the lightning.
Father-What was it, my son? Tommy
(triumphantly) struck match
Boston clergyman. in an evidently
hastily written advertisement, asks for
"a young man to take charge of span
of horses of a religious turn of mind
The difference between u man who digs
in the ground and one who digs in books
is that the former digs for hire and the
latter for lore.
Highway Robber = Hand over your
watch. Obliging Traveler-Here it is;
but 1 ought to tell you before you take it
that it gains five minutes day.
''And so you learn dancing, Bob? And
how do you like valsingf" sob, it's not
b1dI / can manage very well by myself;
but think girls rather in the way"
Sally said fellow to girl who had
red hair, keep away from me, or you'll
set me on fire." mo danger of that" re-
piled the girl, ''you are too green to burn !"
A bridegroom in Chicago, recently, af-
ter the marriage ceremony, slipped two
dollar into the minister's ha nd, and muir
INJURED apologetically, I'll do better next
time.
Customer (getting his hair cut)-Did'nt
you nip off piece of the ear then? Bar
Der (reassuringiy) = Yes. sab, a small
piece; but not 'nough to affect de hearin'
sab.
A correspondent, who signs herself
Sophia" says that woman is twice as
good as man, and proves it thus by the
very photography: W-o-m-a-n,- double
you, o, man.
A young woman sent to a newspaper a
poem entitled, Il can not make him
Smile The editor ventured to express
an opinion that she would have succeed
ed had she shown him the poem.
An eccentric divine once said to his
audience, my hearers. there is a great
deal of ordinary work to be done in this
world; and, thank the Lord, there are
great many ordinary people to do it,
Mamma-If you are too naughty, Doro-
thy, no one will love YOU Dorothy
Yes, mamma; L know some one who will
love me, and the Bladder am the more he
loves me. Why, Dorothy, whom do you
mean? Dorothy-The devil
Doctor TO patiently do not wish To
brighten you, but if you have no objection
I'D like to call in couple of my brother
physicians. Irascible Patient-All right
Ii you need any assistance in numbering
me call in your accompIices
''Are you fond of novels, Mr.. Jones?"
s'Very," responded the interrogated gem
tleman, who wished to be thought by the
lady questioner fond of literature. Have
you" continued the lady, sever read Ten
Thousand a Yearf'" ''No, madam, I
pfFer read that pnmber IN my life"