Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1890-04-23
TOD AT THE LIARS CLUB.
The Traditions of That Honorable Asso-
citation Overturned.

Inc lTaditions OF That Honorable AssO-
citation Overturned.
The Liars club had assembled at the
usual place, small room in Lyric hall.
chosen for reasons so obvious that ex-
planation is not necessary. The gas
stove had been touched off, the cigars
lighted, and the door locked to keep out
any vagrant conscientious scruple that
might come poking around to disturb
any member of the club.
The medal, the reward of hlm who
should tell the biggest whopper, to be
worn until the preceding biggest whop-
per had been outwhopped, reposed upon
the breast of the colonel, where it had
glittered for the unprecedentedly long
period of six months. 1t was hand
some medal, made of gold eighteen kar-
ats fine, bearing upon the one side an
idealized head in profile of Ananias, and
| on its diverse this exalted sentiment:
"Mendacity is the daughter of inven-
| ton"
The colonel was proud of his prowess
III the science to which the club was de-
voted. From his early youth he had re-
| garded good lie as rather to lie chosen
| than great riches. This evening the col
| onel pulled upon his cigar with an air of
supreme self satisfaction. He had Just
finished telling the most magnificent lie
of his life, which was, in brief, that he
had once told the truth. 1t was a short
| lie, but he felt satisfied with it, Never
theless, symptoms of disappointment
were manifested by his fellow members.
They lH-aI q rrnn1 10 l.,
mel did, but they had, one and all, no
tion that a lie told at the expense of ones
self respect should not be told
That may do, colonel" put in the
| major, among ordinary liars, but with
us it doesn't go We all admit that it
hasn't grain of truth in it. but You
weaken your position among men of our
standing when you tell a lie of that sort.
| Any man who will admit that he once
| told the truth violates one of the first
principles of our association. However.
|, for one, don't believe in rubbing it in.
You've held on to the medal for six
months most nobly, and in view of your
past record for pure. unadulterated falsi-
| tication, it is my sentiment that the club
should overlook this evenings faux pas.
The man who attempts to hold that little
badge of honor which you wear for more
than six months has bitten off more than
he can chew-lke the bull | heard of
| last week that swallowed "a watch when
he was calf"
What bull was it, said the colonel.
'Why, my butcher was telling me
| about it. His father once owned little
b,,tl lot 1 Al
| mans vest, with his watch and silver
dollar iii tit was ten years ago. Last
week the bull was killed, and in cutting
him up they found the money and watch
in the vest pocket intact"
"A fair story that, but nothing wildly
improbable about it, said the colonel.
''lf the bull had increased the money at
the rate of 8 per cent. per annum, and
had been found with dollar and sixty
gents in his stomach at the end of ten
years, we might think something of it,"
well, said the major, passing lightly
over this astonishing criticism, that's
all right, but there was one thing re-
| markable about the watch. 1t was going,
and hadn't lost seconds time in ten
years"
Going? The watch was going?' cried
the colonel, his face growing pale with
| excitement.
Eyes, sir; going" replied the major.
at was stem winder. and the wheel had
| got caught between the animals lungs,
so that every time he breathed he wound
| the watch up"
Here, major" put in the colonel.
take the medal and give me your
| butchers address"
The major bowed. Taking the medal
he pinned it upon his breast with sweet
| smile.
'Thunderation,'' cried the major, sud
denly.
what is the natter queried the
| colonel.
Are you sick?' put in another.
Bring some brandy cried a third
The major is going to faint"
No, I'm not, said the major. with a
gasp. But, boys, look at the medal"
The boys" looked, and 10, Ananias'
face had turned green.-New York Even
ing Sun.