St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-02-24
FUN Ar THE ALTAR,
How Hymen at Odd Times
Makes Great Sport Of His
Many Votaries.
Awkward Blunders In the
Performance Of the Mar
riage Ceremony.
Amusing Stories of Ludi-
crous Mistakes Related
by Clergymen.
Laughable Incidents at Wed
dings--Ministers' Fees,
and Other Things.
Boston Herald.

II
and two couples" came in, stamping
Off the snow. After the ceremony
asked the young man who had 'stood
up" with the bridegroom to come up to
my study to sign the certificate as wit.
ness. With an eye to future Opportu.
mites said to him as 1 was writing:
"Well. sir, l suppose your turn will
come next" "Well," he replied, "a
supposed this one was going to be mine.
l had been keeping company with
her. But to-day she paired off with the
other fellow, and I didn't know what
they stopped here for till we got in the
house. expected to marry her my.
SELL" "Well," said l, as he wrote his
name to the certificate of his girls mar
riage to another man, '.you had good
grit to stand up there with them.''
Yes, it rather took me back; but per-
haps her sister, the girl who stood up
with me, is just as good. | Shan't cry
about it." he SAID, as he tried to swallow
the evident lump in his throat and went
downstairs to meet the "other fellOW's''
smiling bride.
Another Boston clergyman tells the
following amusing story: "a friend of
mine was seated in his study one day
when hack drove up in which a couple
were seated-dressed in the latest style
and apparently in good circumstances.
Of course, the minister expected good
square fee. After the ceremony was
over the couple took their departure,
but the groom did not forget to hand
the parSon the customary envelope.
When the party had driven away the
minister or his wife opened the en-
velope, expecting, of course, to find a
generous fee. They were just a little
disappointed and angered to find simply
a piece of paper with this writing OH it:
We request your prayers"
A Boston minister, who has now gone
abroad, told the writer that couple
once came to his house to be married,
and had no marriage license. The
groom said to the bride: "Oh, yes.
gave you the license just before we
started" The lady admitted this, and
said it was in her cloak pocket. Search
was made, but no license could be
found. The groom reprimanded her
and more search was made. but no
license was Forthcoming. Then fol-
lowed sharper reprimand and further
search, but no paper was revealed. The
groom raved, declared the bride to be
''eXasperatingly careless" and won
dered why in thunder she could
not take care of the paper?"
Then the lady wept. The groom as
right" and that he should marry them
without permit. The minister re-
manned firm and the couple departed,
the groom swearing and the bride
weeping. The clergyman said he hoped
the lady would back out before new
permit was secured, and vowed that
$1,000 would not induce him to marry
the man.
A South Boston pastor narrated the
following incident which came under
his observation in st. John, n. B.: Two
people in middle life sought out an
aged and well known clergy man to tie
the connubial knot. His advanced
years had brought him a treacher-
Gus memory, and, with this
uncertain quantity. to deal with,
he began the. ceremony. There
were luckily no witnesses to the anus
ing scene but the clergyman's daughter
in-law and grandson. The prelimi-
naries over, the ring was asked for.
The groom was exceedingly nervous
and could not find it. He searched in
all his pockets, shook his sleeve, ran his
hand down the side of his right leg in
fear of hole in his pantaloOnS pocket,
felt of his sock, and repeated the pro-
cess, increasing in nervousness as he
certainly did in bushes and awkward
ness. Finally, the old gentleman sat
down, while both witnesses assisted the
partially married couple to find the
missing symbol of their union. Down
on their knees they got, and turned
up. the corner of the rug.
altogether made most ludicrous
sight. Meantime the clergyman's mne-
monte faculty failed him. He forgot
where he was. and could not be made
to understand the mission of the strange
lady and gentleman. 1t ought to be
added that he was also very deaf. Fear
ing complications, his daughter-in-law
sent the grandson for the regular min
lister of the parish. At last the ring
was found in an obscure corner, whittier
it had rolled, and the parties to the sus-
pended contract tried to look resigned
under the aggraVating circumstances.
The ministerial gentleman walked out
of his reverie, and said to the lady of
the house: "Whois this coupler" The
answer was almost shout, after which
he subsidized moment, and then contin-
ued: '.How long have you been mar
much they were married. but Stam-
mered out reply that was completely
lost on him. for, in minute or so, he
capped the conversation by inquiring:
"HoW many children have you got?''
This was too much. and would have
cOnvulsed the suffering victims had not
the regular minister arrived and COM
pleted the service.
The largest fee ever received, said a
North End clergyman. was $40 for at
tending marriage at 3 a. m. and driy-
ing six miles into the bargain. The
smallest was nothing-but abuse for
suggesting the possibility of forgetful-
ness. One that is unpaid is the promise
Of "a barrel of apples in the fall" The
groom was eighty-seven and the bride
ceived from the groom's paDtaloons
pocket a cake of maple candy-"the
pure thing" said he.
President Hyde, of BOwdoin, tells a
good story of the first marriage cere-
mony at which he officiated while occu-
plying pulpit in Jersey City. 1t seems
that the bigger half of the interesting
couple was rather timid and nervous
one of those men whose difidence is in
danger of leading him into some awk-
ward blunder. The bride, on the con-
trary, was remarkably cool and self-pos-
sessed. AS the couple presented them
selves before President Hyde there
seemed to be some misunderstanding in
regard to the side on which the lady
should stand. The groom hitched about
nervously, but the bride was equal to
the occasion. Quickly changing places
with her bashful fianee, she remarked,
confidently: "There, l am sure this is
the side on which l have always been
accustomed to stand" This solved the
difficulty, and the timid groom and the
widow, who knew all about it from ex-
perience, were speedily united.
A popular Boston clergyman related
this occurrence: "A man called at my
house one afternoon and asked: viii
you be at home at 8 o'clock to marry
me2' l replied: Yes. Have you a
certificate?' He took one from his
pocket, but it was such as the minister
makes out and gives to the married par
ties. l said: You can't get married
with that certificate. 1t will be neces-
sary for you to call on the city clerk for
one.' Whereupon he demonstrated
saying: I guess that is all right. paid