Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-11-10

THAT is shear profit" said the farmer,
referring to his wool clip.
A billiard player is the happiest when
he has something on the string.
The flute player may be excused for
liking his little toot now and then.
mans heart is blamed for lots of
things for which his liver is responsible.
Il kept diary for years" wonder
full" .'And didn't write line on one of
the pages"
The man who is forever giving you the
whole thing in a nutshell is prone to deal
in chestnuts.
s4They say the sun never sets on the
British Empire" ''Too many bayonets,
1 suppose
ssHe has a Roman nose" hadn't no.
ticed that, but knew he had nomadic
disposition"
please give me your name" said the
enumerator. ''Sally Andrews; but it
won't be after Wednesday"
Do not try to take off your hat to a wo
man on Il rainy day; if she carries an UNI
breIIa, she will take it off for you.
"Why do they call Patti diva?" asked
Mrs. Fangle. Because she gets along
swimmingly," replied her husband.
Tomdik-The women of the present
day can't make such spies as our mothers
did McClammy-No; it's lost tart.
Toast for a dinner in honor OF Saint
Crispin: 1.-The Women: May we have
them ali to shoe; and the men to boot?"
Victim of railroad accident-Doctor,
do you think 1 can recover? Doctor
Certainly. Victim eagerly muchF
Mrs. Brown wonder who wrote up
this account of the presidents carriage?
Mrs. Malathrop-Some hack writer, of
course
1t costs American women S., ZOO, 600 a
wear to paint their faces. 1t costs the
men several times that much to paint
their noses.
Teacher-How was it that the lions did
not eat Daniel when he was put In the
den? Dennis O'Brien-It was Froiday,
Dim thinkin'.
Dyspepsia and disappointed love seem
to produce the same outward effect. The
difference between them is that dyspepsia
is very hard to cure.
masher gazed intently at giraffe fol-
a few moments, and turning sadly away
sighed forth: ''Oh, if I had neck like
that what collar could wear!'
Drop me a lineI" cried the drowning
poet. 81 have no other lines than these,
replied the editor on the boat. And he
tossed him one of his own poems.
A Pennsylvania minister has invented {
new sort of brake. If it can be applied
to stop the flow of eloquence i'll Ions
sermon, it will more than pay for itself.
II am very light on my feet. There /:
nodanger of my falling down, said Chol
lie. mo 1 should think you would b.
in danger of falling up" said Cynicus.
.sWhat is it, do you suppose. that keep
the moon in place and prevents it from
falling?" asked Araminta Il think i
must be the beams,' said Charley, softly
A little girl, feeling sharp pain in he
neck, was told that it was "a stitch il
her neck" why" she exclaimed, witt
a terrified look, ''are our heads sewed on?
Mrs. Snodgrass-Your husband com
plains that he can't smoke the cigars yo
bought for him. Mrs. Snively-Well,
can't wear the bonnet he selected for me
either.
Photographer-Ah, beg pardon, did
understand you that you did not want
very large picture? Patron-Yes. Pho
tographer-Then please don't smile-at
that's it.
ssDo you admire Clay and Webster, Mr.;
Newbody?" Il don't know much aboU
Clay, hut Webster like, though he is
little wordy. Gets it from his dictionar.
Isuppose.
ssSay, old fellow, are you really rel
ton of the celebrated Prof. DRIP" ''Ye
but somewhat far removed" "Ho
then?" ..He Is my brother; but, you Sc
there are ten sisters between u.s."
Il am 10 charge Of the whole depar
ment. AS the boss says, am the eye
the house" "WeII, as have a grudl
- think shall take tn
i've lt black eye