The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-08-08
;. Nnmos ruaNs ANAromIsr.


Memo Inns been studying the anat-
uny, pIiysiulosy and private chamct,i
Of tile Goblin moth for the last two
weeks, and he las concluded thut the
Goblin moth l. u pure concentration ~
cussedness. lie is a hard drinker and
the cause of his emil trniiuu to Oregon
is the stringent lnahibiiion laws Of the
Erstert States. lie Is very fond Of
rum aud inolnssea; takes Juniaicn gin
ger IN his whiskey, and, Hike some of
the Brownsville boys he puts little
salt III his beer when he gels Ii Iii the
original psekage. He hna no pedigree
to speak of, although IL Is said thai his
ancestors came over on the MaYfioaer
and the bliod of the Eiiielyerb.s.kers
\ iioWs In his veiNs. He has neither
dignity nor clean clothes, bHt he is a
great stieklpi for table etlqueiti'~- ae vrr
eats pie with n knife. nor drinks snup
ont Of his plate without spenn mud
doesn't wipe his mouth Oh HIS cost
sleeve. Whether or iiot hs wears
lttslit-leg spring. bottom pauis alil split
iup.tlse-haelS shirt In disputed iloilit
nnlong his blngra pliers. Ills habits Hre
about as regular ~ a secondhand Nat
erbury watcii, aud, Judging hy the
newspapers OF Linn coutty, he needs
abnut as much winding up.
But. with all his faults, he has few
redeeming qualities. He IL not cranky
on religion nor politics, and never stays
up until o'cieck In the morning to
practice ",rhe Sweet Bye and Bye ON
Il l,rass horn.
The female Goblin moth Is very fond
of music, especially the Italian opera
aud II Is said that the male never goes
nut between acts to take II drink. The
| female IL also fond of ornaments and
/ fpb-dubs. She will appear next seuson
In striped hrse and the new, fashions
anle, hiyii-tcnsinn, seif-elevatine. nnn-
ierushable, doubleyaction electric hustle.
She buys ter ilushes and chewing
i gum at the drug store, and never iicg-
lects To give curtain lectures To the male
| Ii he stnys ont late at night end returns
home smelling like 81 herzine factory.
The cndiii moth iakeh ns a whnlc Is
a regular thoroughbred devil, and what
| the people uf Oregon want TO know Is
l1aw To extcrniiiiate them, So we will
give them receipt procured ly DIR.
Sharpies, of Eugene. from the East mt
great expense. They will please not
say anything 10 the ductor about IL,
for we have been told that he gets hot
In the collar when II IL mentioned. IL
IS rs follows: Get two board. and place
them I'm a horizontal position; place
the moth tetween them. then sit ON
tile board for about six hours. What
success the doctor has had with this
| remedy we do not know, and We tln
NOT advise our friends to ash him amy
questions about IT,.
The following remedy We guarantee:
Herd the moths in - drove and drive
| them on tn sOtue Of the bridges tc-
I nfa1
This remedy Is as.a'lly sure. Une Il
nur neighhurs has suggested electricity,
hut we have no faith in it Tire
euthnritiss of the State OF NSw York
have had all ,ise electricity Ia the
state concentrated un criminal Il Z
the last two years, aud at last accounts
the fellow Was getting fat on tlIs pre-
cess. y voyage over ilie naFrpw gauge
has hget suggested, aud the fiyms r.
might sack thc nioihs up aud ship
shen over that read by way of Ray :
Landing, bat the fact Is TINT most peu-
ale ere tired of niankeying with that
road.
The 90 lin maiil always sleeps with
his head to the north, and If the fFuit-
4 Iaiscrs could catch him when asleep.
in the wet OF the moon, and maui him
over the head with piece of ;Ssls-pipe
s1r a l'cd slat ii weu,d ;it least discuur-
age his eniisrntttti 10 this colst iil
large numbers. II appears that the
cnd.iu moth always csnlcs To this coast
] from the East, and we wish to sny
I right here that we would thask the
people of the East Ii they would keep
their Internal vermin nj home.
Noah made n terrible bad break when
he took the Goblin moth intu the ark,
4 and we don't understand why lac did
IL. His vuol is no good for nanuinc-
turing purposes, and he is not pretty
nor intelligent creature. III no.