Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-06-11
WIT AND HuMoR.

WIT AND HUM0R.
He (despairingly)-I wish l could
find something to take up my mind.
She (softly)-Try blotting paper
Boston Post.
Never ask any one to give you his
word of honor. If you are talking to
an honest man it is superfuous if to
a rascal, useless.-Judge.
You never see the man who dozes in
church going to sleep at base ball
match. But then there is quite diff
ference in the style of delivery.-Ex.
AT the opera. Mrs. Gushly-How
that song carries me back to our home!
Mr.. Gushly (coolly)-How lucky
1t will save SO for a carriage.-Har-
ward Lampoon.
Ernest-I like that girl of yours.
She always seems to take things cool.
Jasper-Take things cool I'd
say she did. She took two ice creams
and three glasses of soda the other
night.-Ex.
In a street car just before 6 o'clock.
He-"I am very sorry to crowd you,
Miss Dewitt, but"
Miss DeWitt-"Don't speak of it.
There is really no room for apology"
Boston Post.
Callowton-Your wife was per-
feet picture at church this morning.
Ben E. Dicke (married year and
cynical I'm modern sense / agree
with you, dear boy. The frame cost
me just $127.-Ex.
Mrs. Eastlake-I hear that a pow
erful revival is in progress at the
Methodist church.
Mr.. Eastlake-It may well be call
ed powerful. Why, two members of
the choir have been converted.-Puck
Briggs-"I suppose Timson is OYER
flowing with happiness since his new
boy arrived? ?"
Braggs-"He may be by this time,
but when saw him this afternoon he
was only half full. ."-Terre Haute
Express.
First messenger boy-I say, yer
there, wat fur yer running down the
street just now1
Second messenger boy-Ah, come
off. Some bloke guv me push and
started me running an wuz too
lazy to stop. See?-Life.
Mr.. Adams-You don't mean to
say that you have to carry all your
letters into town from the college?
Miss Poughkeepsi-Yes, indeed !;
they are so strict at Vassar that they
won't even allow a mail box on the
grounds .---Munsey's Weekly.
A valuable suggestion. Rev. Lon
ster-Dear, l do wish | could think
of some way to make the congregation
keep their eyes on me during the SER
mon.
Little Tommy-Pa, you want to
put the clock right behind the pulpit.
Epoch.
Miss Jones-Professor Griddle, do
you dare to look me in the face and
then say that originally sprang from
a monkey!
Professor Griddle Ga little taken
aback but equal to the emergency
Well, really, it must have been very
charming monkey.-Ex.
Some people have an idea that the
only means of enjoying heaven is by
having very unenjoyable time of it
on this earth. A more sensible way
is to get ones self used to enjoying
good things here, so that when the
good things hereafter come one will
know how to appreciate em.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
A passenger on the Springtonic
sprang up from his deck chair, where
he had been sitting next to voluble
Cincinnati drummer, with a shout
which sounded like "Man overboard?"
"Where? Who's overheard ?"
yelled a score of excited passengers.
"T'm overbored," he replied. "This
fellow has talked me to death. and
want to have him shut up."-Ex.
Railroad superintendent regret
that you are incapacitated for furthur
service; but accidents will happen, you
know. Do you know of good man