Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-02-24


The groom gallant a belted knight,
VINO wins prize in the worlds despite
BY his vows of love and duty.
These days one does not need to join
secret society in order to get the grip.
'sGoing up?" said the stairs. ''No," re-
piled the elevator shaft, "I'm going
down.
You say that both duellists fell dead.
Yes. Great heavens! What were the
weapons used? The American toy pistol.
Tippler-Do you know the reason why
1 have never been successful in life?
Plain Speaker-Yes: there have been too
many bars in your way.
That's rather a rough-looking police
man you have on this block. Yes, he is
a hard-looking fellow, but he has one
mighty good point. He doesn't snore.
''Good morning, Mrs. Smith. Where's
Mr.. Smith, Hes gone away to visit
his relatives" Do you think he will get
through this year,"
Clerk (handing out bottle). This,
madam, is the Sweet by-and-by."' Lady
(smelling it).-"Umph! 1t may be sweet
by-and by, but it's awful now"
In the parlor car (drummer) -Excuse
me, miss, but your face seems familiar
to me. Independent female-Your cheek
seems entirely too familiar to me.
Jones (to Smith, whose head is tied up)
Have you tobogged any yet? Smith
Yes, indeed, tried to carry pot plant
down into the cellar last Sunday.
Miss Fussanfeather - There's my
friend, Miss Hitler She moves in the
best society. Mrs. Yeast-Yes,I suppose
she finds it cheaper to move than to pay
rent.
''Tee-hee!" laughed Cynicus. whats
the matter?" queried Stupidicus. "Why,
your debating club is to discuss Was
Bacon a high liver?'' ''Well, what's the
joker
1t is not at all strange that so many
homely women get married, if one paus-
eS TO re fleet that an immense amount of
counting is done with the lamp turned
down.
Hitherto patient boarder-Mrs. Starvem
can stand having hash every day in the
week, but when on Sunday you put raj
rims in it and call it mince pie, 1 draw
the line.
''Who is that tall slim fellow trying to
Z hn
He's running for the Assembly you know. -
"By Jovel he ought to get there with
those legs
Teacher Ito dull boy of the Glass;.
Which New England state has two capt.
tails? BOy-New Hampshire. Teacher
Indeed! Name them. Boy-Capital N
and capital H.
Mrs. Figg-John, there is long red
hair on your shoulder. And your sleeve
is torn, too. Mr.. Figg-Yes; 1 put the
hair on there myself, so you would notice
the torn place.
Tommy. said Chicago youngsters
mother, there is a great big blot on your
cOpybOOk. No. mamma, you're mistaken.
That's only a period. Our teacher is aw-
fully nearsighted.
Mrs. Winks-So you have taken anoth-
er companion for better or for worse, ell
Mrs. Secondtrip-Only for better, my
dear. He can't possibly be worse than
the other one was.
Mr.. Bascom-DO you know what Silas
Slick expects to be after he graduates
from college? Mrs. Backlot-Wal, I've
heern that he has sanguinary hopes of
bein' a missionary.
Some fashionable young men wear two
pins in the necktie. 1t is to be hoped the
pretty girls will not adopt the fashion of
wearing two pins in the belt One often
causes trouble enough.
DOctor-Well. my fine little fellow, you
have got quite we'll again! 1 was sure
that the pills L left for yon would cure
you. How did you take them in water or
In cake? o, used them in my blow-gun
Say, old man, what's the matter? Are
you ill.," mo, no; but I've had such d
shock. Miss Beauton, whom met in
the mountains last summer, just passed
by in her carriage, and bowed to me !;
yes, she actually bowed"
Young, but high-priced physician-Yes.
medical science has made great strides in
in the last decade. The old and nonsens-
fcal practice of bleeding patients, for in
stance, has been entirely done away with,
and-Patient with groan)-Not by a
long shot. it hasn't