The Sunday herald and weekly national intelligencer., 1890-10-19


Papers-Quips and Cranks on All Sorts
of Subjects.
The favorite plant of the political worker is the
itching palm.
The reason why a COW wears horns is because
she's got two.
to wax them.
tariff on books must necessarily be in the
line of lore duties.
what did you think of the policeman who
arrested you ?"
"0h, was quite taken up by him."
This is the season of the year when the leaves
begin to turn rapidly particularly the leaves OF
the Recorders marriage license book.
Figg-what kind of fish are these2
Dealer-Weakflsh.
Figg-I'll be banged IL they smell that way.
Queen victoria-Albert Edw ard, you're too
cross to-day to talk to.
Prince OF Wales (signifcantly)-No cross no
crown.
We are expecting every day to hear che Free
Press say that hog lard would be much cheaper
IL there was no duty on pig iron.-Detroft
Tribune.
A number OF New York medical practitioners
have organized the "Physicians Musical Club"
Each member should compose some fresh air for
the sck-room.
Mrs. Bingo-Oh, Mr.. Jagway, do be careful of
the fly paper.
JaEway trisng hastily)-Too late I'm afraid
I've spoiled it.
Scribbler-I've just published another novel,
Johnson. You ought to lose no time reading it.
Johnson-Thanks for the hint, old man. I'll
be careful not to read it.
McCorkle-They say that Snooper finds it diff
cult to keep his head above water.
McCrackle-That does not surprise me at all.
He is a native of Kentucky.
Landlady-Mr. McGinnis. may ask what you
are trying to find in that cream pitcher?
Boarder-I am trying. Mrs. Irons, to rescue an
unfortunate fly from watery grave.
why do you let poverty stand between us
l cannot give you up.'
IF that was all you couldn't give me, I might
relent. AS 1t is, I'll be neighbor to you"
He-What are you listening 80 intently for,
dearest? Can you hear my heart throbP
She-I don't know, Arthur. dear, whether it's
your heart or that new necktie you've got on
that hear.
Employer twarningly)-I am Informed. sir,
that you attend horse races and bet on them.
Clerk (coolly)-l won thousand dollars last
week.
Employer (excitedly)-Where dye get y'r tip 2
my object in calling this evening"" he began
with nervous tremble of his chin. twas to ask
you, Katie-I may call you Katie, may not 2"
Certainly, Mr.. Longripe." said the sweet young
girl; "all of papa's elderly friends call me Katie"
And he said nothing further about his object in
calling.
Little James had been imparting to the minis
ter the important and cheerful information that
his father had got a new set of false teeth. "In-
deed James?" replied the minister, indulgently;
land what will he do with the old set?" "Oh,
s'pose," replied little James, they'll cut 'em
down and make me wear EN-"
"Jim Blaine, come out and help u.s." cried Nc
Kinley in despair.
"Theres a chill of cold days dawninR in the bleak
Ohio air.
Lift the fiood-gates talk in oceans take out evry
gag and cork,
But for Heavens sake don't mention-not a
word of wheat or pork
Intelligent Compositor - That new reporter
spells victuals. "v-i-t-a-l-s."
Foreman-Yes, he's fresh; make 'er right, and
dump'r in here; want to go to press in just three
minutes.
And this was what the public read when the
paper was issued: "The verdict of the coroner's
jury was that the deceased came to his death
from the effects of a gunshot wound in the VIC
tuals."