davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
A. Berth In Heaven for Sale.

When Thomas Cruise, the bonanza
king, made the famous sale of the
Drum Lummon the news went all
over the country. For a man to
jump from poverty to a millionare's
affiuence almost in a day was an un-
usual thing even in a mining centre.
The result was stream of letters to
Mr.. Cruise from cranks of all sorts.
He remembers one of them par
ticularly. 1t was from a minister in
Washington. He announced that
he had by some unknown means Sc
cured a good berth in heaven, the
value of which was beyond estimate.
1t was a "sure thing" and the
minister was willing to make an affi-
davit to it's existence. He had hear d
of Mr.. Cruse's sudden rise to wealth,
and thought an opportunity was
offered for fair exchange. He was
not entirely willing to relinquish his
claim on the future snap, but he Of
fered to give half the berth ii Mr..
Cruise would in return send his check
for half his fortune. Mr.. Cruise de.
cided that as matters looked then
the minister 4 ~uld get the best of
the bargain, alj he declined to con-
slider the offer.-Helena Mont. )Inde-
pendent.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
GLIsrENING GEMS.

Variety is the spice Of life, bu,
steady Flooding is its beef and bread.
Puck.
Profane history has pages added to
it at the putting up of every stove
Hutchinson News.
Beware OF the under -tow-when you
see blonde young woman in black
wig.-Texas Siftipgs.
New York has a Twilight Club. The
members go home in the gray of the
morning. New Orleans Picayune.
Happiness is good deal like butter
in one respect-it goes further when
it is spread on hin.-Binghampto
Leader.
Some people who are sure that they
could never tell lie have never had
an adequate temptation. -Somerville
Journal
Never was there a wife so near
sighted that she could not discover a
long hair on her husbands shoulder.
Boston Traveller.
Miss Hysee: I was encored three
times. wasn't /? Nine. Logee: Yes.
the company seemed to recognize that
you needed practice. The New Moon.
She: This parlor is better than sit
ting on the beach with the hot sun
pouring down, isn't it dear? He: Yes,
darling. about $ day bettar. New
York Herald.
Customer: Oi wan tn see some fur
gloves. Dealer: Any special fur?
Customer: Sor? Dealer: What furp
Customer: Tu kape ma hands warm,
o. course. -Brooklvn Life.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
A New York Detective.

New York World: Detective Won
Gerichten's reputation does not rest
on the daring leap from a train after
his prisoner the other day. He is a
man who has made remarkable
record in the Police Department., and
always through his steadtast devo.
ton to one idea. The inspector re-
marked dryly once that when he
sent Won Gerichten out after any
thing he did not have to devote
much thought to the matter after
wards. He meant that Won Gerich-
ten would stick to the trail until he
ended the chapter. He has logged
men pretty nearly all over the face
of the earth, and he has been bronzed
and hardened by laborious work in
many climates. He was originally a
Prussian soldier, was honorably dis
charged from the German army, and
when he showed up in Berlin in the
course Of one of his long chases after
a criminal two years ago he created
quite a stir in the kaiser's capital.
He is the picture OF soldier in ap-
pearance nov.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
1t Didn't Work.

A doctor on the north side played
q neat little trick upon his wife.
Ever since she first met him he has
been bearded like the pard, and both
whiskers and mustache have been
regarded as no inconsiderable part
of his professional outfit. The lady
was returning from the country, and
her lord was to meet her at the de-
pot. He usually wears a Prince
Albert black coat and a tall silk hat,
as becometh the dignity of a medi-
cine man. He changed all that upon
the appointed day.
First he went and had his face
clean shaved. He then purchased a
straw hat with blue ribbon band,
and FASTENED to array himself in q
light suit, of which the coat was a
short sack, buttoned up to the chin.
He saw his wife looking out for him,
and. keeping his head turned down,
he approached the car and said in u
disguised voice: "Can 1 be of any
assistance. MADAME"
The somewhat disconsolate lady
thanked him and said she would be
much obliged if he would call car
riage. When she had taken her seat
he jumped in and sat beside her with
out saying a word. She gave him a
long, piercing look, and then said
calmly, "Why, you great idiot,
you're almost naked" chicago
Journal.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Profit In Christmas Trees.

If a farmer, twenty-five years ago,
had proposed to go into the cultivation
OF chestnut trees as one of his legiti-
mate and reliable sources of income
he would probably have been looked
upon by his neighbors as a little 'off
tn the upper story" To grow chest
nut trees for the nuts they would bear
would have seemed almost like an at
tempt to get q bouquet of flowers from
the century plant by sowing its seed.
Still in this day and generation thrifty
farmers in ATTITUDES where chestnut
trees flourish and where the temper
Ature does not fall more than ten or
fifteen degrees below zero are planting
chestnut trees for the nuts they bear.
and they reap limited harvest too.
In the time it requires to raise three
or four crops of corn. What is known
AS the Paragon chestnut was trans
planted from Marietta, Pa. in 1888 to
the grounds of the Rural New Yorker
when it was about the size of corn
.st:!k. The next year 1t blossomed.
but for the trees own good the
blossoms were picked of. but this
year, though only about two feet high
or than an ordinary sized mans head,
It had quite crop of chestnuts.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
\. The Man Had the Call,

A man with q market-bask on his
arm was sIowly toiling mp the incline
Of the Brooklyn bridge recently,
when his attention was attracted to
. boy on the root of building about
two hundred feet away, As soon as
the man stopped the boy began imi-
tating his walk, which wasrendered
ungraceful by lame leg. Owing to
the confusion it was impossible to
hear what each said, but the man with
the basket seemed to exclaim:
IF [ only had my hands on you I'd
make you sing q different tune in
about minute!"
And the boy seemed to reply:
"Come, now, old chap, don't get
husky over q bit of fun.
The man on the bridge was taken
with q fit of coughing. The boy fol-
lowed suit. The man shook his fist in
the direction of the root. The boy
shook his in the direction Of the
bridge. Then the man seem to be
saying:
"Ah! you young wretch, you are
treading the path to the gallows!'
The boy gestured with his right
hand in imitation and seemed to re-
ply:
IF / was as crusty as you are I'd
have been hung long ago"
Then he put his thumb on his nose
and twirled his fingers in spirited
manner, and it looked as if he would
come out winner. Indeed, the man
had started on, when he suddenly
stopped. sat down his basket, and
after feeling for minute, he brought
out hens egg. 1t was large, SOL
id-lookiDg specimen of what an
American ben can do, and the man
spit Ca the palm OF his right hand.
The boy initiated him. Then the
man drew back his right arm. The
boy also initiated that maneuver.
With raise on his toes and a sup
pressed chap the man let fly, and
three or four seconds later the egg
struck the boy ON that part of the
anatomy vulgarly referred to as the
"bread basket" He doubled up and
then went to grass, and as the man
lifted up his basket and passed on
nobody nor nothing had any more
remarks to make.-New York Sun.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Good-bye! Old Bayonet Good bye!

The manufacture of tho old style
triangular bayonet has been discontin-
ued at the national armory. and in-
stead, rod bay onet is being turned
out that is in many respects an i'm
provement. The rod embodies some
ideas OF Col. Burlington, as we'll as
those of other inventors. Its greatest
merit is its simplicity. As the name
|. implies, it is of a slender cylindrical
pattern, SO arranged that it can also
be used for dislodging shells by screw
ing metal head upon the lower end.
It is held against the barrel by ring
attachments and can be raised or low
cred by pressure upon button con-
nected with spring. Two notches in
the center serve to hold the rod in
place when extended. and two similar
grooves in the upper end prevent its
displacement when drawn down out of
use. This dispenses with the old-time
bayonet sheath entirely, and makes
the gun only a few ounces heavier
than it would be without the append
age. The new model. while perhaps
lacking the military air of the old
pattern, has decidedly business look
about it. So many bayonets were
made during the war that the upply
has lasted until few weeks ago. the
old ones being made available by COM
pressing the fastenipgs to suit the
smaller barrel rifles that have con-
stantly been gaining ground. Now
that the old stock has been exhausted,
the rod pattern is being introduced.
Trials thus far have been satisfactory,
and while too early to determine
whether the design will be generally
accepted or not it is safe to say that
no more OF the old triangular style
will be turned out-Spring6eld Re-
publican.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Ee's Had Enough.

Russell Sage is quoted in saying: Il
never lent dollar which was return
ed to me unless legally secured. l
never backed a note I didn't have to
pay, and l never recommended q man
for q situation who didn't turn out to
be as mean as he could. now let
other men run the philanthropy bust
ness"
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Daniel Webster's Joke.

dropping in to see a friend of
mine one rainy afternoon, years
ago." said a noted hotel man, 81
found agroup of four sitting in the
Office, composed of Daniel Webster,
a Mr.. Jones, my friend and his broth
err. After receiving a very cordial
greeting and u kind invitation to a
quiet smoke and a chat about old
times l settled down for few hours
of Old-time indulgence.
Gas my broker friends throat be-
came q little husky it made him re-
member something long forgotten,
and, turning to his brother, he said:
I guess, Tom, I'll go up stairs and
get DO title of wine from that case
brought from France over twenty
years ago.
"By way of explanation to us he
told of buying case of wine in
France, to be used at a reception to
be given him on his return home,
but he found death had visited his
family while OH his way and the wine
was never used.
"'Here, Reuben" he called to his
clerk, while l am gone up stairs you
figger up how much that wine stands
me to-day, costing $3.50 a bottle
20 years ago, and be sure you get
the interest to a cent
"Well, the interest did amount to
considerable on the whole case, and
happy thought seemed to strike
Webster, as large grin spread over
his face, but he soon became very
solemn again.
Gin few minutes the bottle stood
empty, and such wine I shall never
have the pleasure of tasting again.
LAS we were making preparations
to leave, Webster turned and said to
my friend: George, have thought
of a plan whereby you can make
some money
"'How is that?' eagerly inquired
Mr.. j.
Surprising We stop the interest
on another bottle Of that 2O-year
old wine,' exclaimed Webster, with q
sparkle in his great eyes"
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Have q Carp Pond.

No farmer who has a pond or can
have pond on his place can afford to
be without a carp pond. 1t will prove
more profitable and more wholesome
than the pork barrel. There is no ex-
cuse for not having carp if the farmer
has place to put them, for the gov.
ernment stocks ponds free of cost as it
Is stocking rivers all over the country
just now immense quantities of salmon.
which it was supposed would not
thrive there. are fourishing in the
Hudson, planted there by the govern
ment If you have not a fish pond
acarp pond, if you please-dig one at
once. The water there should never
be kept cold or even very cool. in the
season. but q constant influx from
springs will not necessarily render it
too cool for successful spawning; for
IN nearly any part OF the United States
the rays of the sun, if unimpeded, will
warm the water enough for that pur-
pose. The greatest danger at the
spawning season is likely to arise from
too much shade on one hand or the too
direct rays of the sun on the other. II,
however. there is. a shady place on
your farm suitable for a carp pond,
with water from three TO ten feet deep
and supply accessible without allow
Ing the muddy rain-water from the
fields to enter and gradually fill the
bed with sediment, there is no reason
to fear failure in carp raising. After
yAu have tried fish pond you will
wonder how you ever managed to get
along without it.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Pertinent Suggestions.

One acre of land that will yield ~
tons Of corn for ensilage per acre will
winter two cows or steers, or year.
ling calves or 10 sheep. Is tons per
acre will winter one-half more.
1t is no more labor to make good
butter than poor. In fact the labor is
less when one has all the conveniences
and precautions against impurities of
all kinds are followed as general
rule.
Does anyone know of any farmer
who was careful in growing good fod-
der crops, feeding them economically
and caring we'll for his live stock who
was poor? 1.-The hand of the diligent
maketh rich"
The shoeing of oxen is great relief
to the patient animals and very much
increases the work done. A lumber
man who had been in the habit of en-
ploying oxen for skidding logs in the
woods, had them shod. aud afterwards
found two yokes did the same amount
of work as three did before in shaking
the heavy logs about. This was a
saving of one-third the expense of
this work and equal to a full dollar for
1000 feet OF the logs
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
The Better Man.

An American thief who got safely to
Buenos Ayres with his Doodle asked
a messenger one day to do an errand
for him, and the half-clad, half-starv-
ed native. who never had $40 in his
life, drew himself up and replied:
mot for you, sir! You are runaway
thief, while am an honest man."
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Rich Mems Possible Woes.

RIch Mems Possible woes
'sThe very rich people are to be
pitied, /" said q welLknown capitalist
and clubman the other day to New
York correspondent Of the Kansa
City Star. "When q man once gets
a large fortune there is no emolu-
ment worth striving Tor, for he tries
and succeeds in winning if the world
says that his conflict was made easy
by his wealth. If he has political
aspirations he is accused of purchas-
Ing votes and favor. He wants to
shine in literature it is declared that
he hired an author to write his books.
He is not permitted to have an
honest love for art, for when he
becomes q collector it is said that he
buys pictures by the yard and stat
uary as though it were cheese. John
Jacob Astor who died recently,
could have been minister to England
under President Hayes, but he re.
fused the position because he knew
the nation would declare that is was
given in reward tor his contribution
to the campaign fund. In the whole
life John Jacob Aston was nothing
more than a real-estate agent on q
large scale, and his end was accom-
plished by govt, the bane of all rich
men. Gout is the inevitable result of
affluence. 1t is good food and what
is now called good cooking that
produces gout, and the man Of large
means is sure to have both. Mr..
Astor was what might be called a
quiet liver; that is, he was perfectly
temperate in his appetites. Besides
this he was an extraordinary strong
youth and began his life of
luxury with q constitution of
iron. But the steady unbroken COM
forts and plenitudes OF his existence
did their work. and he died at 6S,
looking as hearty as any man in
New York. 1t has sometimes been
observed that govt is q fashionable
ailment, but in reality it is preva-
lent and deadly disease among the
luxurious men in New York, and
nearly every club window has a big
red-faced man in it who is haunted
by the realization that he may be
called to his reckoning at any mo-
ment. If these men had ever been
tempted into the fields of indeavor
and taken pot-luck with the regular
toilers of the earth they would be all
right, but the smooth elegance Of do
ing nothing that they have INDUCED
in. together with the wines and
spiced delicacies that have formed
their sustenance, has put them into
pretty much the same physical con-
dition as those geese that we make
into pates de fois gras. I advise the
poor not to envy the rich. will
wager that they are unhappy as
ANYBODY. The richer they are the
more unhappy they are. They cam
not go into the struggle Tor fame,
they mistrust the motives of every
new acquaintance, and they invaria-
bly, have the govt. You will not find
amore sorrowful looking set of men
in New York than the ones that be-
long to my club. And they are the
very richest citizens we have. In
fact am pretty sad dog myself.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
The Oldest Place in America.
"Do you know the Oldest place in

DO you know the Oldest place in
all American" said Gen. John B.
Henderson, of St. Louis, to a circle
of friends. II don't mean the oldest
town in the country or on the CONT
nent, but the land first found on the
western hemisphere. No? Well,
thought not. 1t is Mount Marcy, in
the Adirondack mountains. Agassiz
aud other biologists have figured
out that Mount Marcy was the point
OF land that made it's appearance
first above the water when the west
ern hemisphere was evolved. Chi
cago Herald.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Early Tomatoes.

Experiments, it is said, prove that
seeds from tomatoes gathered before
they are ripe. will produce plants
which will ripen their fruit earlier
than common. 1t is said the same re-
suit follows the sowing of unripe seeds
OF anything. Should this be so rs a
rule, it offers wide field for profit to
the plantsman as we'll as to the fruit
grower.
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
Did She swallow I'll

The story runs that society woman,
in all the glory OF a decollete costume,
was out one evening and met her
doctor. 'Oh, doctor. I'm SO glad to
see you. want you to vaccinate me
soon. and some place where it won t
show. You can do it can't you?"
The doctor was a gruf old fellow, and
after looking at her minute he said:
You might swallow it,"
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
The Household.

A little berax put in water in which
scarlet napkins and red-bordered
towels are to be washed will prevent
them from fading.
Oil Of peppermint in water diluted
even to one part in one million will
kill cock-roaches in an hour, they dy-
ing of commissions.
Dampen your duster slightly before
wiping of wood work and marble. Use
u cloth as we'll as a feather duster if
you would be thorough.
Should you upset bottle OF castor
oil on the carpet, the best treatment
for covering the spot is to place the
bed over it. plan both cheap and
eff1cacious.
Whisky will take out every kind of
fruit stain. A child's dress will look
entirely ruined by tho dark berry
stains on it. but if whisky is poured on
the discolored places before sending it
into the wash it will come out as, good
as new.
Never put away food in tin plates.
Fully one-half the cases of poison
from the use of canned goods is be-
cause the article was left or put back
into the can after using. China,
earthenware or glass is the only safe
receptacle for .left-over."
The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1890-12-05
LITTLE WONDERS.


Nature and Art.
Gold beaters. by hammering, can
reduce gold leaves to such minute
thinness that 282, 600 must be laid up-
on each other to produce the thickness
of an inch. Yet each deaf is so per-
feet and free from holes that one of
them laid on any surface, as in oild-
ing, gives the appearance Of solid
gold. They are so thin that If formed
into book, 1900 would only occupy
the space of q single leaf of book
paper. A single volume of gold leaf
book one inch in thickness would have
as many pages as an entire library of
1900 volumes of common books, even
though the volumes averaged 400
pages each!
Platinum and silver can each be
drawn into wire many times smaller
than a human hair The former
metal has been drawn into wire so fine
that 81 of them twisted together could
have been inserted into the hollow OF q
hair; that is, if human being or Il
human made machine could be found
minute and precise enough for such q
delicate undertaking.
A burning taper uncovered for a
single instant, during which it does
not lose power amounting to the one
thousandth of grain, would fill with
light sphere four miles in diameter
so as to he visible from every part of
the compass.
The thread of the silk worm is so
small that an average OF AZ of them are
twisted together to form thread OF
common sewing silk; that of the
spider is many diameters smaller.
Two drachms of spider-web by weight
would, if stretched into straight line,
reach from London, England, to Edin-
burg, Scotland, distance of over 400
miles.
In sour paste, the milt of a Goldfish,
or even in water in which vegetables
have been infused, the microscope dis
covers animalculi so small that
millions of them would not equal the
size of grain OF wheat. And yet
nature, with a singular prodigality.
has supplied many of these with
organs as complete as those OF whale
or an elephant In a single ounce OF
such matter there are more living
creatures than there are human beings
on the face of the globe.
A grain of carmine or half grain
of analine will tinge hogshead OF
water so that a strong microscope will
detect coloring matter in every drop.
A grain of musk will scent a room
for 20 years and at the end of that time
will not show that it had diminished
in the least
The organs of smell in the turkey
vulture and carrion crow are so deli
cate that they can scent their food for
distance of 40 miles.-St. Louis
Republic.