Waterbury evening Democrat., 1890-07-23

IT
 and will last me 0 long time What
 else have to think of, now that my life | is stoppedP A black curtain has fallen | between mo and the future what have | I but the past to look at-the near past
 and the long past I Though, God knows, l there is nothing cheerful there Guilt there, too-guilt always and its pun I ishment."
 "Not your own guilt, |" put in the of- fcer. earnestly.
 "But what difference has that made ?'
 was the answer, spoken in a passion, which was as short-lived as it was strong
 and ironical. "What difference has
 that ever madeP There followed the punishment, the isolation, the degrada- tion. Could it have been more if I had
 done the deed in the sight of man and God? I've often and often since then
 wanted to commit just such a sin. You
 look lncredulous-in your spotleSs, un.
 suspected life you can no more imagine
 such feelings than you can imagine the
 treatment which gives birth to them
 yet these vile thoughts have grown hor-
 ribly familiar to me. I have wanted to
 commit the real sin, because I had
 borne, and was bearing, its punishment,
 and because all nay life was marred for
 any good. knew no worse conse-
 quences could have followed the real
 crime. There were years and years of
 labor to look forward to, and there was
 the ban upon my name, which could
 never be taken away again. Could any
 thing have added punishment to these ?
 My whole prospect of ever living hon.
 ored and loved-loved think of love
 in such life as mine l-among my fel-
 low men was shattered to atoms, What
 did 1t matter where those atoms drifted
 to? No; you can never fancy how easy
 the real guilt often seemed to me-"
 Yes, can understand" reloined
 the Colonel; "and can understand the loving kindness which withheld your hand through that time. However
 black curtain hides the future from you, Spendir, it cannot hide the heaven above"
 But I never thought of that-some- times l did not even believe it." re- tones softening little. "It is harder still to think of it now. Where is the mercy that
 "Spendir," said tAe Colonel. easily and genially turning aside the cynical. unhealthy thoughts which he felt were but natural just now from this man. whose strong sense of justice battled so hercely with that simple, anxious faith with which he tried to grope through the darkness of his own thoughts, "you have been working hard and saving carefully through this summer; am f right in my idea of your reasonp Are you trying to accumulate that sum which for which the check was drawn in your nsme?"
 :" l was trylng," returned the young man, pushing the hair from his dark face, with gesture of such utter weari- ness and hopelessness that the Colonel felt his lips shake as he read in it many unspoken words-"I I was trying; but that is over now, like everything else. What fool l must have been to have begun such work with any hope at allI Yet did. l can laugh now to find how strong and deathless hope must be with in man for it ever to have misled me. did work for that, late and early, hap oily and hopefully Imaginable as it sounds. No work seemed too hard or too heavy for that end. have saved: but thousand pounds takes a long, long time to accumulate by the hands of one man who has no particular tal- ent, and no friends. If my old means of livelihood had not failed ue in my need, the task would have been compar- atively easy to me. But, as I told you months ago, my voice failed me for sing ing in public; what wonder that it did in that time of degradation
 "Dont let us speak of that time" said the Colonel, gently. "I hope you understand that not one farthins of that money will either Adelaide or her hus- band take; and do you for moment dream that would take Clara's share from one who never robbed her of & haf-pennyp Don't speak of that time again. Perhaps it need not be recalled at all. Perhaps DO one will know"
 "Not know that I am a tickst-of-Ieave man Why, that will be the first thinr- | brought forward ct my trial, and will | damn me instantly. A ticket-of-leaye mana returned convict Think of it, | Say it over to yourself, and imagine the | weight of those few words in Q court of | justice. You should have heard the hor. | TOT and rage of my neighbor here when | she fancied that a ticket-of-leave man | came to our doors to ask for crust, only | to-day. A helpless, crippled old idiot | he was; but what did that matter? He | was capable of anything savage or mean l or horrible, because he only might be a | convict with ticket of leave. Be was to be avoided and secuted and spit at. because he only might be this horrible | thing. Perhaps he was--perhaps he wasnt What did it matterP The con. as far as she went, were all one to him; as the consequences will be all one to me. didn't care whether he was or not; I'm used to them, I've known them harmless and quiet-as if they hadn't donethe wrong. I've known them so like men that hadn't been de- based that you wouldn't have discovered them if the irons had been taken away; and I've known them fends incarnate.'
 But the story of these old years man be hushed up," put in Ool. Stuart, gey. fly. "We all have little power In the county; Sir Neil Athelston has much"
 It was because he knew this so well hat Fitz Spendir answered, with such quick resentment:
 T don't care to benefit by his un- limited power. Your help and sympa- 'hy, but" he added, interruptin9 him elf as if the subject hurt him keenly, why, in Heavens name, should help 'e sought for mef I did that deed to- night. Even If no one had been present o swear did if tha stain ,,yro,, my |