davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Stage Gagging.

Arthur Beresford, an English gentleman,
during talk said: "a few days ago saw
something about bill to license English
actors. Such a bill has been presented to
the London county council, but whether it
will pass or not is yet question. In that
bill there was a clause which would have
provided punishment for an actor for gag
ging. In forcible and logical speech Mr..
Augustus Harris killed that clause and it's
well he did, for what would nearly all of
our actors do if they were not permitted to
slip some joke or local hit into their lines?
You might as well retire Mr.. Toole and
Mr.. Penley from the stage if they were de-
barred from gagging Your De Wolf Hop
per, Francis Wilson, Dixie, Goodwin and
nearly all the rest would be staid actors if
they were not allowed to ramble about, as
it were.
"Our late Mr.. Blackstone introduced
gag into She Stops to Conquer One of
the cleverest bits in English dramatic lit
erature, now classical, is nothing but a
gag introduced into the text. There is not
one person in a hundred who knows that
the comic sermon delivered by Mawworm
in Bickerstaffe's 'Hypocrite' is not in the
original. 1t was introduced for the first
time the opening night of the Lyceum in
1909 by Charles Mathews. He was re-
citing his lines, when he suddenly branched
off and spoke the very words of a Method
ist minister, perfectly initiating the voice
and gestures. The gag was such won
drous success that you never see the 'Hypo-
critic without listening to the funny ser
mon. No, sir, to stop an actor from gag
ging would be like dispensing with the
credit system in business. Chicago Trib-
une.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Identifying the Doctor

Some time ago a claimant for pension
submitted an affidavit from a physician at
Duluth testifying to his disability and to
the fact that it was the result of his service
during the war. When the case came up
= letter was written to the postmaster of
Duluth asking whether the doctor was
regular practitioner and a man of truth
and veracity. The reply came and the
postmaster said that he had spent his en-
tire life with the physician in question and
believed him to be man of good character.
During his youth, unlike George Washing
ton, he had told some falsehoods, but had
been soundly whipped for them and had
learnt better; therefore, in his old age he
was able to stick to facts as well as any
citizen. Then he signed his name, which
was the same as that of the physician, and
it appears that the postmaster and the
physician are one and the same person.
Washington Cor. Chicago News.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
HOW a Charge of Shot Travels.

When standing within a few yards of the
guns muzzle at the time of discharge
person would be amazingly astonished
were he only able to see the shot as they go
whizzing by. Experiments in instanta-
neous photography have proved to us that
the shot not only spead out, comet like, as
they fly, but they string out one behind the
other to a much greater distance than they
spread. Thus, with a cylinder gun, when
the first shot of a charge reaches target
that is forty yards away the last shot is
tagging along ten yards behind.
Even with choke bore gun some of the
shot will lag behind eight yards in forty
This accounts for the wide swath that is
moved in flock of ducks on which
charge of shot falls just right. About s.
per cent only of the charge of shot arrives
simultaneously at the target but the bal
ance of the first half of the charge is so
close behind that birds muscles are not
quick enough to get it out of the way, al
though those who have watched sitting
birds when shot at have often seen them
start as if to fly when the leading shot
whistled by them, only to drop dead as
they were overtaken by the leaden hail
that followed-St. Louis Republic.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
*Daily except Sunday.
CONNECTIONS.

Train 41e connects at Harpers Ferry with
Fast Limited Express trains leaving at l:O7 p M
soo n5 and Chicago at lilo next morn
Ing with train leaving St t5a F. m arrying at at
onants al Weaverton with train arriving at
4aaeTstown at 200 p. m and at Washington
Tnnction with train arriving in Frederick at
$50 p. m. .4, ,+ o,.ih,o, +o,
at Harpers Ferry at 1876 p m. for Pittsburg,
TIM n m for Chicago, and los a. m. for Cncin-.
. III and St Louis. Arrive at Pittsburg at 200
nc chicago at 9:45 D. M; Cincinnati at 500 p NJ,
amidst Louis at $3.50 a. m.
Hno ms az and 4l8 have Pullman Buffet Parlor
oors hetween stanton and Baltimore.
oa u e. n Palace sleeping cars run through to
ripc IL St Louis, Chicago, and Pittsburg, on
all express trains; oo
e = ~ ~ &c the r. & o. r. r., to G. E. DUDROW
T Tra ealing Passenger Agent, Winchester, Va.
-" so 1T ODELL,
General Manager.
CHAS. O, sCULL,
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
KNOCKED OUT BY A FISH.
Unpleasant Experience of an Amateur
Sailor with Large Flying Fish.

Unpleasant Experience of an Amateur
Sailor with Large Flying Fish.
Persons who have not experienced some
seafaring among the West India islands
and become to some extent familiarized
with the tricks and antics of the flying fish
which abound in these waters will be
surprised at the velocity they attain in
their short flights The fish will never
leave the water unless compelled to do so
by their natural enemies, the dolphins, and
when they do fly they shoot through the
air like a rocket.
Some years ago, while ON voyage to Rio
Janeiro, I had an experience off the Cuban
coast with flying fish that am not likely
to forget and which made me the subject
of considerable merriment among my older
companions. The majority of them were
old sailors who had visited these waters
many times before and were we'll acquaint-
ed with the tricks of the winged fish.
They prefer flying at night, and it was
during the midnight watch that I met
with my adventure. The night was one
of those balmy evenings peculiar to sub
tropical waters, seldom if ever experienced
in the north The full moon was shining
so brightly that one could almost feel it's
rays. The breeze had fallen away COM
pletely, allowing the sails to flap lazily
against the spars in accompaniment to the
monotonous squeaking of the vessel as
she wallowed lazily in the trough of the
long ground SWELL AS far as eye could
reach around the horizon not ripple was
visible on the surface of the sea. The very
elements appeared to be slumbering. The
whole watch, with the exception OF the
man at the wheel and I, were gathered
around the combings of the fore hatch
spinning yarns and smoking I was seated
upon the capstan on the lookout" but the
somnolence of the very atmosphere itself
kept me in a drowsy state just between
waking and sleeping.
This, together with the musical chirp-
ing of the "Mother Carey's chickens in
the fore rigging, proved too much for my
feeble efforts at wakefulness, and several
times I came within an ace of falling
overheard. This continued until near the
end of my watch, when as l peacefully
dozed off l heard sudden "swish," and
before i was aware of what had happened I
received terrific blow between the eyes,
the force of which knocked me off the cap
stan over the windlass and down to the
deck. 1 leaped up, seized Delaying pin
and demanded to know who hit me. My
answer was burst of laughter, and one of
the men pointed to the topgallant forecastle
at a large flying fish Tapping on the deck.
1t had struck me while passing over the
ship, and raised lump the size of hens
egg between my eyes. We fried the fish the
next morning and breakfasted off of it
New York Herald.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
The Very Thing!

James E. Cooper, the new proprietor of
Forepaugh's circus, intently studied the
fine points of a big St. Bernard dog. 'My
hobby is horses" he said, "but like dogs
well enough, and 1 never see one that I am
not reminded of the experience of friend
who had the next farm to mine in Ohio,
He was an enormously fat man. 1 was at
my gate one morning when i saw him COM
ing down the lane with big dog. He was
hoofng it as fast as he could, and the dog
was running and barking at his side. He
halted at the gate, blew off pressure Of
100 pounds to the square inch and saturated
three handkerchiefs in wiping his fore
head. 1 ventured to demonstrate that he
was exerting himself too much for a man
of his weight, and inquired why he was do
ing it.
clam exercising that dog he answered.
"'But,' said I, why don't you sit on the
fence and let the dog exercise himself?'
"'That never occurred to me before, re-
piled the heavy weight. Maybe 1 am a
more magnitudinous fool than 1 look to
be. '"-Philadelphia Inquirer.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Ra,ae,s, Influence at the Capital.

A great deal depends on the cut of states
mans hair. The reputation of some is based
on it. The barber has much more to do with
the making Of some statesmen than any
pedagogue or philosopher ever had. There is
Mr.. Blank, who dreams in his seat all day,
with his white hair brushed back from an in
tellectual brow, his white mustache dropping,
and little tuft on the upper lip of his chin,
and is regarded as man of great profundity;
while Mr.. =, from Virginia, gets no credit
for his ability because he don't comb his
whiskers right The barber can make states
man, even if the tailor is sloyenly. Mr..
Evans, of Tennessee, looks fierce because be
twists his goatee to point and curis his mus
tache up at the ends. But he is a most mild
and gentle hammered man. Gibson, of Mary
land, has got the reputation Of being lady's
man and vain because his hair is parted in
the middle.-W ashington Cor. in Fhlladel-
phia Telegraph.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Wages and Work of Ohio Mattresses.

Restaurant girls usually divide their time
between the restaurants and the hospitals.
The work in itself is, perhaps, no more than
any other, but their hours are longer, and
girls are continually at the mercy of their
employer. When he is man of principle
the restaurant girl fares as well, perhaps,
as any of her sister laborers. Of course,
there are proprietors who are extremely
abusive and extortionate A case given
was that of young girl of Is who was told
to lift tub of water from the floor to the
table. She strained every nerve, and had
nearly succeeded when the tub struck
against the edge Of the table, and the con-
tents flooded the kitchen. The proprietor
poured forth a flood of oaths, and would
have struck her but for the Intervention of
others, and the girl left only to enter hos
pital
Restaurant girls make from $1.50 to So
q week, and work from twelve to fifteen
hours day. The system of filming for
broken dishes, mistakes, etc., reduces this
materially All restaurants allow the girls
their meals. The better class places give
them lunch at II o'clock and dinner at
8, but in others they lunch only on the
scraps left over from meals Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Disadvantage of Red Hair.

The unhappiest girl in New York is, with
out doubt. the one to whom kindly nature
has given the real Titan red hair. Aside
from the fact that she is no longer the pos
SCISSOR of rare and envied glory, she finds
herself classed with the supremely foolish
women who are invoking the aid of chemicals
to give their hair the matches tint. One
supersensitiye girl with the Titan coloring
says that she can no longer walk down Broad
way without an uneasy consciousness that her
hair is disappearing her, and second
young woman declares that it is positive
pain to aer, instead of pleasure, to meet per-
sons for the first time, because she feels in
their manner a certain shade of difference
from that to which she has been accustomed,
and which she attributes to the suspicion OF
sillipess that the color Of her hair invites. -
New York Evening Sun.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Origin of Shawl.

julius Won Klaproth thus writes about a
small mountain clan in Circassia which
retains not only the manners and habits but
even the very name of the Coraxi: ''Their
dress is chiefly made of wooden cloth, which
they weave themselves from the produce of
their flocks, and which is admired through
out the whole of Caucasus. They sell their
cloth, called by them shall, partly to the
Nogay, Tartars and Circassians, from
whom they purchase articles of metal,
etc. Shall is believed by many to be the
progenitor of the English word shawl"
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Dop and fhe snoen,ao..

An English officer, who was in Paris in
1915, mentions the case of a dog belonging
to shoeblack, which brought customers
to its master. This it did in a very inge-
NOUS, though scarcely honest, manner.
The officer having occasion to cross one OF
the bridges over the Seine, had his boots,
which had been previously polished, dirtied
by "a poodle dog rubbing against them. He,
in consequence, went to a man who was
stationed on the bridge and had them
cleaned. The same circumstance having
occurred more than. once, his curiosity was
excited and he watched the dog.
He saw the dog roll himself in the mud
of the river, and then watch for person
with well polished boots, against which he
contrived to rub himself. Finding that the
shoeblack was the owner of the dog, the
officer taxed him with the artifice; and,
after a little hesitation, the man confessed
that he had taught the dog the trick in Or
der to procure customers for himself. The
officer, being much struck with the dogs
sagacity, purchased him at high price and
brought him to England. He kept him
tied up for some time and then released
him. The dog remained with him day or
two and then made his escape A fortnight
afterward he was found with his former
master, pursuing his old trade of dirtying
York Mail and Express
The Oysters Young.
Each mother oyster produces about mill
ion of these minute offspring, 140 of which,
if placed together in line, would make an
inch in length. With such immense in
crease it would be very short space Of
time before every bank and shoal of the sea
would be transformed into an oyster bed,
if it were not for the destructive depreda-
tons of other living organisms. So great
is this destruction, however, and so defense
less the oyster in its natural state, that
about 800 out of the million fail to reach
maturity. Those who do SO at first float
about on the surface of the sea, attaching
themselves to bits of seaweed or whatever
may come in their way, and at last becom-
ing heavier, sink to the bottom and there
after lead very exclusive existence.-Pro-
faScor G Ricknora
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Ostriches in Trousers.

A lady passing a Park avenue residence
last Saturday afternoon saw two hearty and
muscular looking youngsters of anywhere
from to years of age eating dirt with
pieces of single nails and gravel mixed with
it. She rushed into the house to inform the
mother of the enfants terribles of the situa-
ton, but was cheerfully informed that if the
nails were not rusty they wouldn't hurt the
children because they were used to it.
"Why," said she, ''they live on tacls." An
investigation proved that the youngsters
made regular meals off of oyster cans, tacks,
gravel and dirt, and were never sick a day
in their Minneapolis Tribune. !
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
To Tell How Fast You Are Going.

We cannot tell from the railway time
table how fast we travel. The schedule
times do not indicate the delays that must
be made up by spurts between stations
The traveller who is curious to know just
how fast he is going, and likes the stimu
lus of thinking that he is in "a little dam
ger, may find amusement in taking the
time between mile posts, and when these
are not to be seen he can often get the
speed very accurately by counting the rails
passed in given time. This may be done
by listening at open window or door. The
regular clicks of the wheels over the rail
joints can usually soon be singled out from
the other noises, and counted. The num-
Der of rail lengths passed in twenty sec
onds is almost exactly the number of miles
run in an hour.-H. G. Prout in Serb
,,a,ia
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Attractions Outside of Civilization.

Once man has entered the wilds of At
RIGA civilization seems to have lost its
attractiveness for him. Livingstone, the
missionary and explorer, buried himself
alive in the heart of Africa and could not
be induced to leave it, and died there while
pursuing his work. Gen. Gordon, with
pertinacity amounting to fanaticism, held
his ground at Khartoum, defying the Arab
rebels and utterly refusing to seek safety
until he fell victim to treachery and over
whelming numbers. In former years Off
GERS of the United States army, after life
in the then distant west, in the wilds of the
Rocky mountains, found it difficult to
break away and return to civilization, and
numbers actually resigned to stay there
Boston Traveller.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Vaseline Atomizer,

A useful new invention is an atomizer
designed for warming and spraying pure
vaseline, plain or medicated, for the treat
ment of the diseases Of the respiratory or
gans, including nasal catarrh, hay fever
and consumption. Liquid vaselines here
tofore in use have been found irritating,
from the presence of the lighter petroleum
oils, which impart their characteristic
odor, and, when warmed, do not possess
the perfect limpidity of the pure article.
This atonlizer renders possible the use Of
nlue yaseline spray, applied warm, by
which its remedial effects are much L.
ereased.-New York Commercial Advert
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
In the Matter of Smoking.

A nation is known by the tobacco it
smokes. England and Germany smoke
pipes, and they are the TWO most powerful
nations in Europe. France smoked bad
cigars under the Second empire, with the
natural result of Sedan; while we all know
how the decadence of Spain and Portugal
has kept pace with the spread Of cigarette
smoking,-Paris Edition Herald.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Mustaches in Congress.

The prevailing style of wearing the hair
for congressman is on the upper lip. The
first impression on looking at Mr.. Reed is
that there is not a shoot of hair on his full
moon face, but, for fact, he has a mustache
just the tiniest little stub of blonde mus
tache Fully nine-tenths of all the members
of the house wear hair on their upper lips,
and the fashion is quite common among sen
ators. If all the men who have no other hair
on their faces. except that on their upper lips
voted together they could carry any measure
by three-fourths majority.-Cor. Philadel
phias Telegraph.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Very Funny.

A well known humorist was at dinner
party, and the lady he took down promised
herself an immense treat.
She said: II have met him at last He is
the funniest actor in London. And he is go
ing to talk to me for at least an hour and
half. Oh, what lucky girl I ami"
They took their seats at the board, and the
funniest man in London calmly ate his din
ner. Not word did he utter till his eye fell
on his wife, who sat opposite Then he turned
to his companion.
SIT has been long time coming" she
thought, shut it has come" And she pre-
pared to receive the joke.
"Do you see that dress my wife has ons'
asked the comedian.
"Yes."
"Well, it cost 60" And not another sylla-
BILE was heard.-London Tidbits.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Roses in China,

In no other part of the world has the Guilt
walton of roses been brought so nearly to per-
lection as in China. The rose gardens of the
emperor of the Flowery Kingdom are gor-
geous in the extreme. The revenue obtained
yearly from the oil of roses and rose water is
enormous and a great addition to the imperial
Golfers Only the members of the royal fam
lily and the nobility, high military officials,
mandarins, ETC., are allowed to have any of
the altar of roses in their dwellings.
Very severe punishment is melted out to the
ordinary citizen in whose possession even
drop of the precious essence is found.-Phila-
delphia Times
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
DON'T Make It an Alibi.

According to the testimony of able lew
yers and judges false alibi is the hardest
thing in the world to make stick, provid-
ing the prosecution is well conducted.
There is always something lacking to COM
plete such defense, no matter how well
planned, and emotional insanity will pull
through where an alibi will go to smash
Detroit Free Press
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
Tho na.,,o,,,. 9 ua.u.,,

The Mahommedan paradise is found as
soon as the righteous have passed STRAIT, the
bridge of the world. They obtain their
first taste of approaching felicity by re-
freshing draught from "Mahomet's pond"
This is square lake, a months journey in
circuit, its waters whittier than milk or sill
yer. and more fragrant than anything that
ever greeted mortals sense of smell. AS
many cups are set around it as there are
stars in the armament, and he that drinks
from it never thirsts again. Beyond this
refreshing lake, almost in sight, lies para
disc an ecstatic dream of pleasure filled
with sparkling streams, fountains of honey,
shady groves, diamonds and rubies of mas
sive size, flowers and fruits of every known
kind, blooming youths circulating goblets
of nectar, black eyed houris, incense, brill
liant birds, delightsome music and unbroken
peace.
The prophetic promise to Ali was twelve
palaces in this beautiful land, built of gold
and silver bricks, laid in cement of musk
and amber. Rivers of honey, wine and wa
ter are to flow through the court of each
palace, their banks adorned with various
trees, interspersed with bowers made Of
pure, transparent pearls. In each of these
bowers is an emerald throne with an houri
seated upon it, arrayed in seventy robes of
green and seventy of yellow, of SO fine
texture and she herself so transparent
that the marrow of her ankle is as distinct
ly visible as a fame in hollow glass tube.
Each of these houris has seventy locks OF
hair, every one under the care Of a maid,
who perfumes it from a censor which God
has made to smoke with incense without
the presence of fire.-St. Louis Republic.
Ostrich Feathers.
The best feathers are found in Egypt,
some fine ones in Syria and Arabia, while
the great source of supply for all grades,
the best and poorest, is South Africa.
Within ten or fifteen years past ostrich
farms have been established in California
and Texas, but the quantity of feathers
produced so far has not affected importa-
tions to any great degree. These importar
lions amount to many millions of dollars.
Dry Goods Chronicle.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-05-23
A Mining Operat;On.

"You remember young Bilkins, who went
west a few years ago? Well, he has just
concluded most successful mining opera
tion."
IT am not surprised. I always knew
thene was something in the boy"
eyes, indeed. He has just dug out Of
iail.n-New York World,