The evening world., 1890-04-22
The FUNNY MANS STORY,

Ill fares the land,
fastening Ills q prey,
Where men accumulate
Who cannot play.
Princes and lords
May flourish or may fade,
And ten.cent butter
Sell for better grade.
But the hold ball.tosser
as hrs country,s pride
Whoever says he aln't,
The dog hath lied
This is the sentiment Of the age in which
live at present, Goldsmith missed II
only by q scratch, but VIC have to call
strikes on him The man who didn't 20 to
one Of the ball grounds yesterday could eX-
hibit himself this week as a freak in any Of
the museums. Therefore, in the evolution
OF events the man who does not attend the
baseball games becomes the crank and
eccentric and ia pointed out as he walks
along the street. The crank becomes the
bulwark Of society.
The people who did not go up to the
grounds on our elevated train didn'td do it
simply because they couldn't get aboard
We saw them coming through the high
ways aud byways, but we couldn't wait. We
all had business MP at Ono Hundred and
Fifty-Hfth street. They came on the next
A New York man and a friend from
Chicago were hanging to a single step
along with hfseen or sixteen other people on
"Ri9bt over there, said New York, lis
by the way, 4" said Chicago, speaking
of Riverside. how is the Grant statue pro-
Sfs"'Ss'e eti." said New York, Its ststu.apo. ,
Let me congratulate ,you." replied
chis.so. heartily, ~ didn't know it wa'
~ man who yentnred 10 remark NJ the
grounds that there was "a large sprinkling
ofladies present. was Immediately corrected
s%prinklinR" did not express the situation:
i hndisssa q '!its Z. he ssid' @ %s ii%st' day hSiI for
the fair. and vet 1t Is a foul day, too;Ijudg.
This man was promptly rebuked for try
Clements, the left;handed catcher Of the
P : III ns: Vas th hahn, ipno1 f.mi cause q b AZ
| been reported that his left arm was rprained,
aud when he threw with great Bwiftness rnd
precision to second base the Harlem man
why, his left is all right"
what's that you say.F,I asked his wife, a
somewhat sharp-visaged lady.
81 said that Clements's left Is all right.
Confonnd the papers, they're always trying
,.,,l. think Ris y Wo'at are t5 WIN q, to c %isIeaa I Ter,
is I'LL IlRut, hhu 4 NC hahbSuh "a VASE
OF course yop don't said the husband,
with well-deiined sulkiness. o dom
YOU would know what Imean when I tell You
right" al RIGHT
but ~ would be jnst as sensible to say that
his right was all left. Now, shut up TIL you
know what YOU are talking about" and there
was GOODNESS In the Harlem family during
We may remark, however. that this, un:
happy couple did not have a monopoly OF
all the coldness that was abroad yesterday.
We make this observation with asneezy con-
When Russie. short and stout to the verge
OF emboppoint, took his STAND TO pitch IN the
first inning. a solemn-faced man who sat
"Why, he is a regular Charlotte Russo.
But we can forgive him that II he doesn't
prove q pudding &,
1t wasn't the worst thing the soiemn.faced
man aid, as will be seen by the following,
When Crane came to the bat and sneezed,
q thrill OF horror ran through the crowds
clean home run. The statement, printed in
v ses Be1e'S ""He HASN'T got over that HAIR;
cut yet" said tho solemn-faced man and
then he proceeded to unfold this sad sad
"SMr. Crane was sick last Winter, said
the solemn-faced man. mot very sick, you
understand, but it doesn't take very much
sickness TO throw Crane INTO a panic; lie
will take in a red-hot liner with = smile on
his lip, but II there comes y time when he
half to Death. Well the doctor came e see
him a few times, sent him some medicine ana
and he would be all right. The next day a
barber made his appearance az CTahe snnn'
with = shaving OUTFIT aud told the SICK ball
tosser that the doctor had sent him 10 shave
A"""TEnew / Wss q sick man. said he, but
l didn't think IL WAS as bad as that"
"'You'se mighty sick. boss, said the ool-
ored man, as he proceeded to undo his kit;
DE doctah dun toie me dat youse had q bad
case OF typhoid fever an you had bout one
case In q thousand to pull troo. IL mighty
Crane in position and began to run the clip
pers over his head as q starter.
"Crare thought Il. was strange that the
doctor had not told him he WAS SO bad. and
particularly that he had not mentioned the
necessity OF having his head shaved; but he
reasoned that the doctor had been reanine
up on his case since he ieit' ana ioqnd ' ma
posed, and 40 had sent the barber without
The barber moved Cranes head as e.ose
Thought that would do, but the barber said
It wouldn't. The doctor had told him 20
shave his head As close as possible and &c
MAS going to obey instructions, SO he lAth;
cred Cranes head from his eyebrows around
10 the back OF his neck and shaved him untll
lis mead was as smooth as glass,
And the doctor sAld | was very SICK.
did her asked Crane, anxious TO hn1 ou'
H'Yes. indeedy, said the barber: dun
tole me dere was no hope for you, nohoH,
!" Crane went 20 bel in his dreadful Alarm
and fancied that death had already adj
yaneed his pale flag 20 his chamber door;
1.-THE doctor came not long Afterwards,
and held up his hands in holy horror when
he saw Cranes shaved and shining pate.
Ia bloody barber came and shaved my
head, said Crane. in explanation, Ane
said YOU had sent him. .
1.-The doctor was nonplussedt for a moment
and then the situation halhed upon him
. There's been a terrible blunder here.
said he. DIR. Bolus has : patient IN w
dat under yours who IS very low VIII
typhoid, and that blooming IDIOT OF
barber has got into the wrong place.
And 10. ~ was sol
1.-The incident gave Craue such a shock
| concluded the sOlenln-tAced man, thar III
| couldn't get out of the house Tor -eVel q
DAYS, even with his thiTty-hVe dollar Wig
bat il the mean time the, barber had 90
win Of his appalling blunderi sod MS shol
and ned to the Congo REGION
Judging by Appearances.
Il "a - "a EE..nN.