The morning call., 1890-12-21
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.
From Charles w. Fosters Contributio
to the New York Wee xiv.

Stranger lin railway train)-So you went
on long journey to get situation as news
paper reporter, only to find that the paper
had suddenly changed hands?
,Despondent Youth-Yes. The trip took all
the money had saved up, ana now don't
know what I'm to do.
Stran2er-Keep up your courage. Every
cloud has a silver lining L got situation on
newspaper when L was young, but l was
discharged for slip which l could not help,
and | could not get another job as reporter
anywhere; Pretty cloudy, wasn't it ?
Respondent YOuth-Yes, but where was
the silver lining?
Stranger-Driven to desperation, startsd
peanut and apple stand, and now l am one
OF the weal,hiest fruit importers in the coun-
Try instead OF being WORKOUT old editor in
a pOor-house.
PARTICULAR CUSTOMER.
Particular CustomeI-I want an oyster
stew, and l don't want the oysters and
liquors and milk all mixed in mess and
merely heated. l want the milk carefully
boiled first. then the oysters added, next the
liquor and finally, after it is taken off, the
seasoning. Be very particular about the
milk; 1t must be sweet and rich, and above
all things, be careful to get good butter.
Only the best and freshest gilt-edged dairy
butter should be used. As for the oysters,
want the very finest to be obtained any
where; no common mud oysters for me.
Now don't forget
tiers with or without. sab?
Cust0mer-With or without what?
Waiter-Pearls, sab.
BIG PROFITS ON SMALL CAPITAL.
Tramp to handsomely dressed lady on
the ayenue)-Please, mum, my family is
starvin'. an IN have ter sell my wheel
barrer ter buy bread. It's just around the
corner, mum. Would We like ter buy it?
Lady-Alercy me! What could l do with
wheelbarrow? l live in a fiat, my good
man; but will help you gladly. Here's a
dollar.
Tramp Ito himselD-That's six dollars I've
made ter-day tryin' ter sell wheelbaIrer to
kind people what lives in fats, an l amt
got no wheelbarrer, nuther.
NOTES AND QUERIES.
Antiquarian-The custom of throwing the
slipper after bride comes down from very
ancient times. Long before the Christian
era, defeated chief would take off his
shoes and hand them to the victor, to show
that the loser Of the shoes yielded up all
authority over his subjects. Therefore,
when the family of bride threw slippers
after her they mean that they renounce all
authority over her. Do you understand?
y Small auditory essir. They throw away
the slippers they used to spank her With
EvEN-HANDED JUSTICE.
Justice-You are charged with commit
ting an assault on this man and backing his
eye. What have you to say, sr2
Gentleman-Yonr honor. my wife lost
pet dog and l caught this fellow bringing it
back.
Justice-You are discharged; but as for
you, you miserable scalawag with a black
eye, the next time you steal lady's dog and
don't keep it Eli send you up for six months.
MUSIC, HEAVENLY MAID.
Mr.. Gamer (of Uhicago)-Are you fond of
music, Miss Tremello?
Miss Tremello tof Boston)-Music, Mr..
Gamer? Could any cultivated conscious
ness possessed of delicate susceptibilities
help being devoted to so divine an art?
Music! Music is my passion.
MIR. Canner-I am SO glad. Nav I have
the pleasure OF your company this evening
to the MINISTRIES?
A PLEASANT ARRANGEMENT.
Bride-Now, my dear. how shall we man
age about church? We belong to different
religious denominations, you know. Shall
l go with you, OF will you go with me?
Groom-Pll tell you how we'll fix it. You
tell your minister that you are going to my
church and I'll tell my minister that / am
going to your church. Then we wont be
missed and needn't go anywhere.
A SMALL MATTER.
Young lady (out yachting)-What is the
matter, Captain Quarterdeck?
Captain-The fact is, my dear young lady,
we've lost our rudder.
Young LADY, wouldn't worry about that.
The rudder is mostly under water anyway,
you know, and it isn't likely people will no
tice it.
A RABID SOCIALIST.
Mr.. Goodfelow (waiting for Miss Beauti
to appear)-Wasn'tsMr Van Nice here last
EVENING"
Miss BIS little brother-Yep.
"Do you know he's rdbid socialist?"
"Yep. You jest ort to see how social he |
is with sister when he gets her alone, Yum!
YumP'
ON SHARES.
Wilkins-How about that bill you under
took to collect on shares?
Lawyer-You said l could have half of
it, didn't you?
Certainly"
well. I've collected my half. Can't get
yours"