Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-07-30
WIT AND HUM0R.

WIT AND HUMOR.
Strike as we may we never can
Tell who are happy, who forlorn
The cutest little shoe Of tan
May hide very painful corn.
Chicago Evening Post.
Life is short, and so are most of VI
all through life.-Somerville Journal
Some girls are pressed for time anC
others for the fun of it.-Binghamtor
Leader.
No man has yet climbed the ladder
of fame on rounds of drinks.-Bing
hamton Leader.
There are a great many objection
able features about some Photographic
galleries.-Yonkers Statement.
"Do you believe in fate. Pat? p
"Sure, and phwat would we stand OIL
widout 'em ?"-Kansas City Star.
The man who keeps still when hi
hasn't anything to say is public
benefactor.-Somerville Journal.
Black-"Say, White, can you tel
me what alligators eat? White
Gall live ones do, l believe. Life
He-"Is not that FREELY over in
yonder tree?" She (wearily)-"No ;
it's the morning star, ! should i'm
agine. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Sunday school teacher-"Now
Johnnie, tell me what took all the
snap out of Samson ?" Johnnie-"A
homemade hair cut, ma'am. ."-Yon'
ker's Statesman.
"What a splendid wife Downey has
She's got such sunny disposition
you know" sunny disposition
Yes, they do say she makes it hot for
Boston Transcript.
Chappie (surprised)-"Did you
weally kiss that little dog just now p
Maud (fondling her pet)-"Yes, but
don't be alarmed. I'm not going to
kiss you."-Munsey's Weekly.
James-"Is Miss Knowitall grad.
uate of Vassarg William-"She is. u
81 thought she was. heard her ask
if the muzzle of gun was to prevent
it going off."-Texas Sittings.
"And did you grow up with the
country p was asked of young man
who had taken Greeley's advice, and
lived to repent. "No," was the reply,
"but l came near getting planted. -
Puck.
Mr.. Dashley-"Here's an advertise
ment of Novelties in Pocketbooks.
l wonder what they are like" Mrs.
Dashley-"A pleasing novelty in my
pocketbook would be twenty dollar
bill."-Light.
Chicago teacher-"Yes, corned beef
is one of our most famous exports.
Now who can tell me what stands
next to corned beef?" Boston little
boy (triumphantly)-"Cabbage."- y
American Grocer.
"Is that love letter ?" asked one
young lawyer of another, who was
pouring busily over some closely
written sheets. 10, no." replied the
other confusedly. ats just writ of
attachment" ."-Somervill Journal.
The Ruling Passion.-Rescuer (to
drowning woman)-"Now, madam,
don't struggle and we're safe; the
lake is as clear as a mirror, and"
Drowning woman-"Oh, let me look
in it 1 think my back hair is COM
ing down." Puck
"Great Cesar !" exclaimed the
young man as he slid over the fence
minus So worth of trousers. "Yes,' y
exclaimed the old gentleman, who
was standing on the porch, "he is one
of the greatest seizers on this block"
Washington Post.
81 admit" she said laughingly,
"that ladies are fond of sweets and OF
candies" "But men are fond OF
sweeter things that candies" said he.
"How is that? Explain, pray"
"Well, for instance, l am fond of YOU"
Boston Courier.
"Let me illustrate the difference
between capital and labor" said the
rich uncle to the impecunious nephew.
Suppose / give you 800, and"
THAT'S capital!"' replied the nephew,
extending his hand for the money
Munsey's Weekly.
A timid man-"That black sash of
yours looks very suspicious" he re-