davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-12-04
RUSSIAN HEBREW CoLONIsTs,

UH 1NOW UOU-
land Purchased for Site.
CAPE MAY, Dec. IA company of New
Workers in the interest of colony of Russian
Hebrews have purchased from ex-Assembly-
man Wilson Banks, of Port Elizabeth. aud
Benjamin T. Lee, Clerk of the New Jersey Su-
preme Court, tract of 500 acres of woodland
on the West Jersey Railroad, near Belle Plain
station. on which the colony is to settle and
start a town.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-12-04
A LAWYERS, PARADISE.
Big Office Building With Complete Law
Library Attached Proposed.

MILWAUKEE, Wis, Dec. 3.-It is announced
with authority that the Equitable Insurance
Company of New York will build History
building at the southwest corner of Wisconsin
and Jefferson streets. with S6O, 900 law library
with view of bringing all the leading mem
bers of the legal fraternity in the city together
in one structure.
The edifice will be the finest in the city, and
will cost complete, about 100000.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-12-04

Vols No. 300.- Entered at Pitisburg Postofice,
November Il. lSs7, as second-class matter.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
A Poyerty.stricken Millionaire:

This seems a paradox, but it is ex-
planned by one OF New YOrk's richest
men. 81 don't count my wealth in
dollars he said. "What are all my
possessions to me. since l am 9 victim
Of consumption My doctor tells mo
that I have but q few months to live,
for the disease is incurable. I am poor.
er than that beggar yonder." "But," )"
interrupted the friend to whom he spoke,
consumption can be cured. II taken
in time, Dr.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery will eradicate every vestlGe
of the disease from your system" "rH
try it." said the millionaire, and he didS
and to-day there is not q healthief;.
happier man to be found anywhere.
The "Discovery" strikes at the seat OF
the complaint. Consumption is q dis
ease of the blood-is nothing more nor.
less than lung-scrOfula-and 1t mvse
and does yield to this wonderful remedy:
"GOlden Medical Discovery" is not
only an acknowledged remedy Tor thas
terribly fatal malady, when taken IN
time and given q fair trial, but also for
all forms Of Scrofulous, Skin and Scalp
Diseases, as White Swellings, Fever
sores, Hip joint Disease, Salt rheum,-
Tetter, Eczema, BOils, Carbuncles, ETY.
sipe 5 and kindred ailments.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
A PARCEL OF DATES.

FANS were used by the ancients and
are distinctly mentioned as being used
in 16G B. C.
DRUMS were beaten for the first time
on the entrance of Edward III. into
Calais, in 1347.
IT is believed that the hollyhock was
brought to Europe from China as early
as the gear 1878.
TIE sign of equality was first used in
1857 by a sharp mathematician, who
substituted it to avoid repeating equal
to-"
ROLLER skates were first patented by
a London fruitercr named Tyers in
1928 and his pattern had one limo of
wheels.
LOCKS were used by the Egyptians,
Greeks, Romans and Chinese. Du Cange
mentions locks and padlocks as early
as 1881.
THE art Of printing was introduced
into Scotland about the year 1905 1t
had taken more than thirty years to
travel from England.
JUSTICES of the peace were first ap-
pointed in England by Edward ILL.,, in
the year 1927, and in 1861 they were
empowered to try felonies, while their
wages were fixed by Richard II. in 1889.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
Josh Billings Philosophy.

A man with he'd phull Ov branes
kan afford tew be kareless once in q
while, for even hiz blunders are bril-
liant.
Experience increases our wizdum,
but don't reduse onr phollys.
Buty IL lower; but the most treach.
erous one 1 kno ov.
hav no doubt that the human hart
kontains all the pure attributes that
the angels possess, but no single hu-
man hart kontains even moity of
them.
Aman who IL neither good nor bad
IL like an old musket laid away. with
out any lock, but heavy charge in it.
Too mutch ov the religion in this
world konsists in konfessing our sins to
ourselfs and to each other.
I don't suppose thare haz ever lived
o man without . single virtew. Even
Judas Iskariot went and hanged him
self"
The vanity ov most men IL so mutch
more than . match for their experience
that they seldum learn ennything bj
experience.
The pashuns are like the wick ov =
lighted kandle-they don't die out un-
til they are burnt out.
Thare IL lots of folks who are in sich
. CRATE hurry tew git religion that they
confess sins they amt guilty ov, and
overlook those that they arA-Ne,s
York Weekly
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
CHOICE BITS OF HUMOR.

Proud MOTHER (piqued that her child's
advances meet with no response from
fair stranger)-"Why, baby, dear, that's
not your grandma
s'WHY so downcast?" 'I lost mag
,nificent umbrella yesterday "Leave
1t in the train?" 'No; met the owner
of it in the city, and he recognized it at
once"
ARcHTEcT-"Have you any suggest.
ions for the study, Mr.. Quickrich?"'
Quickrich-''Only that it must be brown
Great thinkers, understand, are gen.
;erally found in brown study"
INDIGNANT LANDLoRD(to tenant of fat
-"I thought you said your children were:
all grown up, and here you have three
noisy babies in the house." Tenant
ayes, these are my grandchildren"
WOMAN ito tramp who had eaten a
whole mince pie)-"You seem to have a
good appetite" Tramp with tears in his
,eyes)A''Yes, madam. this is all have in
the world which can rightly call my
lown."
CHoLLEY (whose legs are . trife
bowed, to . tailor)-"Aw-I'm very par
iticular y know, about the fit Of my
trousers" Tailor-:'The fit will be all
right. sir. I'll cut the cloth with pair
iof bent shears"
INDIGNANT VIs1ToR-"1 told you FIVE
tor six times to wake me up this morning
at seven. Here it is ten o'clock. Why
didn't you wake me up sooner?" Hotel
olyn civ
only you didn't hear me-"
A YOUNG fellow, not quite 80 wise as
Solomon, was eating some Cheshire
cheese, full Of mites, one night at a
tavern. "Now," said he, 81 have done
as much as Samson, for have slain my
thousands and my tens of thousands"
'sYes," answered one Of the company,
''and with the same weapon, too-the
Jaw bone of an ass"
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
Apoc1oR.s CONFESSION.


- Doesnt Take Much Medicine and Adj
vises the Exporter Nos To.
"Humbugi OF course it is The so-called
science Of medicine is humbug and has
been from the time of Hirpocrates to the
present Why the biggest crank in the In.
dian tribes is the medicine nan"
aVery frank was the admission, especially
20 when IL came from one of the biggest
young physicians of the city, one whose
practice Is among the thousands, though he
has been graduated but few years" )" says
the Buffalo Courier. "Very coy was his
office too, with its cheerful CRATE fire, its
Queen Anne furniture, and its many lounges
and easy-chairs. He stirred the fire lazily,
lighted fresh cigar, and went on"
"Take the prescriptions laid down in the
books and what do you find! Poisons
mainly, and nauseating stuffs that would
make healthy man an invalid. Why in the
world science should 60 to poisons for its
remedies cannot tell, nor can 1 find any
one who CAM
"How does doctor know the effect of his
medicinel" he asked He calls, prescribes,
and goes away. The only way to judge
would be to stand over the bed and watch
the patient This cannot be done. So,
really, I don't know how he is to tell what
KVO0 Ox uc uOCs ESciiStihiC o5os Sou
remember, the Boston Globe sent out 70.
porter with stated SET of symptoms BE
went to eleven prominent physicians and
brought back eleven dinerent prescriptions
This Just shows how much science there ID
IN medicine"
There are local diseases Of various char.
acters for which nature provides positive
remedies. They may not be included in the
regular physicians list, perhaps, because OF
their simplicity, but the evidence Of their
curative power is beyond dispute. Kidney
disease is cured by Warmers Safe Cure, a
strictly herbal remedy. Thousands of per
sons, every year, write as does H. J. Gardi-
uer, Of Pontiac, r. l., August7 7, 1890:
"a few years ago suffered more than
probably ever will be known outside of my.
sell, with kidney and liver complaint 1t is
the old story-I visited doctor after doctor
but to no avail. I was at Newport, and DR.
Blackman recommended Warmers Safe
| Cure. commenced the use Of it, and founi
relief Immediately. Altogether l took
three bottles, and truthfully state that '
| cured me-"
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
Some Badly Broken English,

The dear women, G. b. e., do some-
times get dreadfully tangled up In
words of more than one syllable or
verbiage little out of their diction-
aries. A gentleman was telling about
stopping at Western Kansas farm
some years ago. 1t was during tho
pleuro- pneumonia epizootic among
Texas cattle. He was discussing the
cattle fever with the farmer while the
latter's wife hustled about getting sup
FER. Happening to mention that Texas
cattle were quarantined, she pricked up
her ears.
"Ha! That is the new cattle COM
plant we hear SO much about, amt it?
Quar- 'ntine, you say?"
This is no worse than patient IN
Providence Hospital perpetrated. She
was suffering from severe pains IN the
stomach, and what are called by the
nurses "stupes" were applied. A
"stupe" is simply heavy flannel cloth
wrung out in boiling water, and ap-
piled hot to the seat of pain. Stupe is
pronounced as though spelled "stoop.
The patient was 80 much relieved by
their application that she wanted them
continued.
sPut another wan av thin porches An
me stummick, bless yer swate face, "
said she to the Sister, "and may the
Blessed vargin do the same for you!"
Mr.. J. NJ. Browne, of the Postoffice
Department, told another in the same
line.
Il used to travel for grocery house
out in Indiana, and frequently went
down into the back country. We drum
mers get together once in while and
have a good time. One day the head
engineer of line which was being pro-
jected down through that section got ID
with us.
(which two of you,' said he, were
down through R last week? he
asked.
my partner and acknowledged
that we had been there.
"sWell,' said the engineer, 1t is
great country, isn't it!'
@'Yes, it is that
"'The people are right innocent and
unsophistocated, aren't they?'
@'They certainly are
"1 put up with my assistants: go'
an old lady to get dinner for us dowr
there the other day. She didn't hav'
much to eat on the table, SO asked he
for some sirup. which," said she
~Some sirup," repeated; sorghum
molasses." "Oh, 1asses. Law, VIII,
didn't you say what you meant. Yo1
fellers use sich hifalutin' languidge
that nobody kin understand you. Now
last week ther WIZ two drummer fel
lers down here an they axed my gal
eff thar wuz any oscnlaiin' round yeI
an I've no doubt there's lots of it G
, we'd on'y a-knowed what they meant.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
INVENTORS AND INVENTIONS.

8UoD boiled in coal tar are rendered
hard and durable, and machine-made
brick. II boiled for long period, say
twenty-four hours, becomes waterproof.
Bricks thus treated are we'll adapted for
sewers, cesspools and the foundations Of
buildings.
HoUMHEPERs will appreciate . re-
cent invention for shelling peas. In
this machine green peas in the pod may
be introduced In quantities, and the
peas arc cleaned and expeditiously sep
srated from the pods, irrespective of
size. The machine is provided with ..
means for discharging the pods and the
shelled peas separately into convenient
receptacles.
A NEW invention Is that of collapse
BILE railway car in which the principle Of
air cushions Is applied to prevent dan
gerous accidents in case Of collisions.
The car will be in two compartments,
one larger than the other and empty, SO
that when . collision occurs the smaller
section will be forced into the larger,
the air in which will act as . cushion
and relieve the occupied section Of the
sudden shock.
E. A. GARLAND, . Wisconsin man, has
invented q peculiar clock. It consists
Of three egg-shells set on pivots, one to
denote the hour, ono the minutes and
the other the seconds The shells re-
volve on the pivots without apparent
mechanism to give them motion. Mr..
Garland intends making one with glass
balls and hanging an incandescent lamp
in each ball, SO the clock can be made to
serve As lamp as well as time-piece.
IT looks as though the cork-screw
would have to 60. Some genius has in
vented . champagne wire cutter which
is slightly as well as useful and resem-
bles pair Of curled pliers with sharp
inner edge. To open . champagne or
soda bottle the cutter is applied to the
wire, and after being separated the
plier is turned to the right and left, thus
loosening the cork, which can then be
raised out of the bottle by the cutter.
IT is very seldom that a request for q
patent is refused to Scottish applicant,
and when it is the reason almost inva-
riably Is that the idea has already been
patented. One of the earliest Scotch
inventors in this country was old Hugh
Orr, q Lochwinnoch man, who had q
foundry at Bridgewater, Mass, during
the revolutionary times He was we'll
known in his lifetime to Washington
and the other American leaders, as from
his foundry came most of their iron and
brass cannon. Orr invented many agri-
cultural implements.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
Deafness Cant Re Cured

BY local applications, as they can not reach
the diseased portion Of the ear. There is
only one way to cure Deafness, and that Is
hy constitutional remedies. Deafness is
caused by an infiamed condition of the mu-
cous lining Of the Eustachian Tube. When
this tube gets inflamed you have rumbling
sound or imperfect hearing, and when it is
entirely closed Deafness Is the result, and
unless the Inflammation can be taken out
and this tube restored to its normal condi-
ton, hearing will be destroyed forever;
nine cases out of ten arc caused by catarrh,
which is nothing but an inf1amed condition
Of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
ease of Deafness (caused by Catarrhl that
We cannot cure by taking Halls Catarrh
Cure. Send for circulars, free.
F. j. CHENEY Il Co., Toledo. O.
4n1d nv nrup0ists TO.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
Highly Dolphic.

Primus-What is 1t that happened ~
DOdson's birthday dinner yesterday tnaS'
made all mis- friends so huffy?
Secundus-One Of the guests from Boz
ton in responding to a toast closed with
the hope that DodsOn might outlive his
poems, Dodson understood him as indulR-
ing in hyperbole-as wishing him an I'M
possible longevity, but all of Dodsons
friends we're indignant, and insist that ne
has been badly treated.-MunsOu's Week
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Father-Don't you ever let me ses ySS
sitting in q hammock with . young hAa
again.
Dutiful Daughter-An right pA rM
have L removed to q place that isn't ovee'
looked by your study windov-Nunssys
Weekly.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Miss de Hub-And these dear little
squirrels that sported under the hedge last
summer, where are they row?
Miss Rustic-Oh, they're holed up for
the winter.
Miss de Hub-Ugh! Ny dear. your mo-
tions of grammar mako me shiver; pre-
sumo you mean held up.-Wesr Shore.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

ONR ENJOYS
Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figsis taken; it ispleasant
and refreshingt to the taste. and acts
gsutlyyetpromptly on the Kdneys
Liver and Bowels, clsanses the syy-
tam easctually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup Of Figs il the
only remedy Of tt kind ever pro
duced, pleasing to the taste and %
ceptable to the stomach, prompt IN
its action and truly beneficial mits
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances
III many exce1lent qualities COM
msnd II to al and have made Il
Tie most popular rsmedy Known.
Syrup Of Figs h for sale IN t0c
md 81 bottles By Ill leading drug
gists. Any rs1iable druggi9 whe
may not have it On hand Win pro
surs Il promptly Ar aay one Who
wishes to tsy Il Do mot accept
any ouhstituta.
cALANQaNXN ~ 9xRop e.
~ kaADo0o0. eAf.
eooo ~ soexs -
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
SECOND INSTANCE.

SECOND INSTANCE.
Nv wife's dear uncles were many,
Her aunts were as many more.
Her cousins were more than . hundred
When heard Of the poor house door.
They thought I'd married the family.
As one of the gang or more
Were always with us at the table,
And thought of the poor-house door.
Nv beefsteak, bread und potatoes
Grew woefully less and not more,
Her caruiy'rous, herbiv'rous kindredi
So looked at the poor-house door.
At last tn remainder was eaten,
And SO there remained nothing moro
EXCEPTING dear wife and her kindred,
So knocked at The poor-house door,
NV head was gray from providing
They grumbled because twas not more
They called me q worthless old spendthr1f
When entered the poor house door.
Ny wife then left me and wondered
Why she had not done SO before;
She went to the home OF her kindred,
Who then sighted the poor-house door.
At last we're once more united,
But as paupers and nothing more;
We're both growing fat for the doctors
To take us from the poor-house door.
They'll slowly stew her in kettles,
And me, as I'm tough, Will stew more;
Our bones they will string up with wires
When we go from the poor house door.
They,l hawk q about through the country
As traitors, or beauties or more,
Or closet us up to scare children
When we're gone from the poor-house doo1
CHICAGO, Ill.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
Not for the People.

A Mississippi postmaster shut his
office up and went off on . fishing trip
for three days, and when the public
complained he replied: .Durn your
yaller ears, but do you reckon tins ere
thing is run for your convenience!
Whsr' do I come in? What IN blank
is the use of fletters, anywsy?-Detrots
Free Press.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

The dismal prophecy has been made
that coffee will soon cease to be the
beverage of the people; that the plant
is dying out and that growers are giving
up its production and turning their at
tention to the raising of tea. 1t is
hinted that men must take to tea. This
would be great triumph for the habi-
tual tea-drinker who scorns the fragrant
drink which is made from coffee berry.
Converts would be forced to his belief
by the tens of thousands. When all
this shall come to pass, we may see men
closing an elaborate dinner with cups
of coffee small as thimbles. At cafes
the precious liquid would be dealt out
at fabulous prices and coffee would be-
come an amazing extravaganza only to
be found at the banquet of a modern
Lucullus-a luxury to he compared with
Cleopatra's dissolved pearl.
The balloon proposed for polar e1-
plorations is ninty-nins feet in diameter
and 500. 900 cubic feet in volume. The
journey is to be begun in Sphzbergen,
! and with favorable wind Is expected
70 last four or five days.
~TH1s bell," said q well-meaning
English sexton, when showing the bel
fry of an interesting village church to
party of visitors, lis only rung in case
of visit from the lord bishop of the
diocess. fire, flood, or any other such
calamities."
TuE telephone has played nm import.
ant part in the maneuvers OF the Swed.
ish fleet. There isa telephone post on
each vessel. and when lying at anchor
they can telephone to one another by
means of insulated conductors which
are run down the anchor chains and
submerged.
AN old prospector bought Q piece OF
ground near Nevada City the other day
for $500. He went for gold and soon
struck deposit that will pay him
5000.
INSPECTOR BYENEs says that thu
only way to keep city clear of bat
men y, to arrest them on sight ane
make the place too hot for them. Ou
of 500 arrest, "on suspicion there maj
be one mistake-one honest man, bu
he owes it to the pubic to identity
himself as such. The howl abou
personal liberty" always comes from
criminal lawyers.
FRED BABNER, Of Reading, sudGenl.
experienced loss Of weight from lo
to eighty-si1 pounds, and few day
ago found the cause of it to be nv
lizards that had been living In hi
stomach.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Caller-Is there anything more can
do for your comfort, Mrs. Muggers?
Mrs. Muggers very deaf and nearly
blind)IOnly one thing. Wouldn't
YOU introduce me to some of the society
young ladies?
Caller-With pleasure. No doubt
thew will be glad to be of assistance.
Mrs. Muggers--Yes; You see, l get
tired staying at home, and I'm very
sure if they knew how I am ahieted
,they'd be glad to take me on all their
little excursions, as chaperon.-Good
Ne1cS.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
An Old Subscrib0f.

sJohnny," asked Mr.. Meme. Awh.tn
the address of the Weekly Bdssner
Il don't know, sir" sad Johnny.
well, run over to Mr.. Browns and
borrow o copy of this weeks paper. and
we'll soon find out. I want to write
note to the editor"
And he signed himself Old Sub
scrihor
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
OF MARRIED BLEssIxes.
BIZ ozIAs MIDsrMNEn

FIRsr INSTANCE.
ION II think me Simple Simon,
,r think my wife q diamond,
on think us both two InulIock heads In one:
But trouble began early,
For both our heads are curly.
whicb trouble was to know which o. Us IVES
the one.
thus We were in confusion,
When wife made an allusion
Which sent me for her her INA, trrsty nurse ;
Then wife and learned early
Mothers head was most curly
Instead of less Of war the lgh. light coon be
worse.
But peace her wings expanded,
Our war ships all were stranded,
For mother seemed to give to peace Q boost;
But with her head most curly
Sha was for us too early
Before We were aware she grandly ruled Ihs
roOgt
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21
WARD McALL1sTER's son Is member

WARD McALLIsTER's son Is q member
of the Seventh Regiment. and not long
since went with his regiment to Peek
skill, where the State military encamp-
ment was being held. One rainy dis
agreeable night young McAllister was
put on guard duty, his assignment be-
ing to guard q wagon supposed to con-
tain army supplies. McAllister stood
it for about two hours, and then, wet to
the skin and sad in mind, called up
Col. Appleton. Colonel said he,
~how much is that Internal old wagon I
am guarding worth?" About $500"
was the answer. "All right" replied
McAllister, Il: I give you my check for
the money will you let me go to bed?'
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Romeo-For you, darling, would sac
rifce sverything-family. rank, posiesG
and wealth!
Juliet (somewhat uneasyl-In tAe lsesE
case what would there be for us - live
on?
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Patrick-I want the strongest spectacles
yez be afther havin' in the store. They're
for me ovid mither in Ireland.
Optician-Are you not afraid that the
strongest glasses may injure her eyes?
Patrick-Sure, 1 am not. It's bloind in
tirely she is.-Jeweler's Weekly.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Kaw-He travelled hundred miles in
ten minutes.
Hooks-It must have took bis breath
away.
Kaw-Well, he was pretty we'll blown
Munson's Weekly.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

II am going to write story with the
grain market as a subject"
"Ah! suppose you will publish 1t In
cereal m."-Washingtoa Post.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

He-To succeed in society requires . 1T
tie tact and ability, after all.
She-Oh, I don't know-you always
seem to get along pretty well.-Munsey'
Weekly.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Anxious Patron-Doctor, don't you think
you'd better call in some other physician
for consultation?
Family Doctor (cheerfully )-Oh, no,
got yet There is still some hope.-New
York Weekly.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Ted-I once wrote poem
Ned-That's nothing. Every fellov nas
done that
Ted-But sold mine.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

'Tis now q man, with blank despair,
of cherished hopes bereft,
Discovers that he'll have to wear
Just what the moths have left.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

1t seems to me l never can get any credit
Tor what do.-Sad Poet
should think you would prefer cash.
New York Sun.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

''why are you so Jealous, Ethelr
Because you said all the world loves
lover and wan: you all to myself
York Herald.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

No MATTER how great . burden u =
10 him, the doctor can usually en4o
life II he has patisnce.
Dodge City times., 1890-11-21

Foul poisons that accumulate in the
blood and rot the machinery OF the sys-
tenn, are eradicated and expelled by using
Prickly Ash Bitters, medicine that Will
not irritare the stomach or bowels. 1t acts
in gentle manner on these delicate organs
and restores health in every case.