The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1890-12-04
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Interesting Items from a Recent Issue OE
That Progressive journal.

That Progressive journal.
NoTICE.-If the party who threw the |
brick at Us last Tuesday night as we
stood on the corner of Apache avenue
and Green street will call at our office
he will hear of something to his adj
vantage. We can make him realize in
about five minutes that men of his talent
are wasting their time in this country.
He can also make his choice of 165
eligible sites in our private burYing
ground free of charge. Come early and
avoid the rush.
No BooM.-For two straight years the
Kicker has persistently opposed the idea
of boom to attract attention to our
town. We have watched this boom busi-
ness in scores of other places, and in
every instance it has resulted disas-
trously. Our course has aroused the ire
of certain spectators, but we shall con-
tinue it just the same. We've got 200
acres of cactus pasture which we should
like to dispose of to some Ohio farmer
who wants to better his condition and
who could be worked up to part with
So, 900 in cash, but we haven't the cheek.
We own half mile of side hill, which
won't even grow rattlesnakes, but we
haven't the gall to boom it for peach
orchard. million years hence we may
have six railroads here, but We can't
force ourselves to whoop-la! hurrah!
over the prospect. We own about four
teen billion dollars worth of wildcat
mining stock, every mine being in the
clouds, and but for our honesty we'd
proceed to boom and unload. We are at
the head of company to turn the Pa
cific Ocean into the deserts of the West
president Of an artesian we'll company
secretary of the Great Strawberry
Growers Association, ETC., etc, but we
were born honest and we can't look a
| tender-foot in the eye and lie to him.
No, gentlemen, this town is what it
/ is and no more. It isn't going to be a
second Chicago. 1t has no Niagara
Falls There isn't even good fishing
within thirty miles of US. We simply
have the great Arizona Kicker, 14S sa-
looms, sixteen gambling houses, five
stores and population Of $500 souls,
most of which will take ''the other road
when the Judgment day arrives. That's
/ all, and those who don't want to come
can stay away.
PERSONAL Judge Embro, who
has been absent at Tucson for the past
two weeks, returned last night, and, as
usual, found the judge so drunk that he
couldn't tell her from Digger Indian.
She didn't go away for her general
health, but to get over black eye in
aicted by the Judge in one of his sober
moments.
CALLS FOR SYMPATHY.-M Major Nc
Knight, our popular and efficient city
clerk, met with sad accident last Sun
day. While trying to enjoy a drunk, {
hammock, a smoke and a snooze at the
same time, he set himself on fire an(
was SO badly burned that he will not bt
out of his bed for two weeks The majol
has many friends who will sympathizC
with him in his misfortunes.
INTHE WRoNG.-''H Handsome Charlie,
the genial and enterprising proprieto
of ''The Black Swan" saloon, has called
at this office and convinced US that w
were wrong in stating that he hat
killed seven men and was dangerou
character. His list includes only fou
men, all laid away in self-defense, ant
so far from being dangerous he say
that he has refused to put up fly-screen
this summer out of general pity for tn
poor flies. He also has pictures of thre
different angels on the walls Of his bed
room.
We cheerfully make the correction
not because the gentleman subscribe
for five copies of the Kicker to be sen
to his friends and gave us $50 ''ad,
which will be found elsewhere, but b
cause we wish to do all men justice.
, FAIR WARNING.-Ben Stays. the ca
ing-house man, has made public threaf
, to wiring our nose ca the streets. Th
: trouble dates back To a year ago, whe
a Ben tried to pass some cactus soup on l
for mock turtle.
Z Ben may attempt to wiring our. mas
, organ. He may even figure that he ca
c succeed. We give him fair warnin
;. however, that he'll have to be prepare
:. to dodge six bullets, and if he doesn
o happen to be quick enough it won
make US feel very bad. Detroit Ere
Press.