Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-02-11
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
Be Sure YOu Arc Right and Then Go Ahead
With Your Fabulous Yarns-The Leviry
nf nm Old lady.

Be Sure YOu Arc Right and Then Go Ahead
With Your Fabulous Yarns-The Lsviry
of an Old Lady.
a NEW YORK friend tells me story that
should convey warning to married men
who are in the habit of telling flbs to their
trusting spouses.
One night last summer a certain New York
physician, who had previously been the best Of
husbands, who had never before been out at
night except on professional duty, went to
dine with some of 1.-The boys'' and became SO
interested, let us say, in the proceedings, that
it was nearly daybreak before he started for
home A friend went with him. They boarded
a street car, and no sooner had they seated
themselves than the doctor began to worry
about what he should say to his wife. He
asked his friend to advise him, as he was
novice in the art of coming excuses. But
though his friend responded with all sorts of
suggestions the doctor had discovered none to
his taste by the time the car had reached his
street.
The pair entered the drug store on the cor
ner, which was one of those institutions which
minister in various ways to the wants of the
nocturnal wayfarer. The drug clerk, who
knew them both, saluted them with the excited
query: do you know that the policeman ON
your block has been shot? He was brought in
here and they have taken him to the hospital
He can't live"
After they had learned the particulars of the
shooting, which do not concern us, the doctor
and his friend left the store.
~
UTHERE's your excuse, doctor" said his
friend. Had to attend Smith, who's the
policeman on your block; sect"
The doctorsaw. When he reached home he
told his wife pathetic story of poor Smiths
death, and his vain attempt to save the police
mans life. HE died in my arms nv dear"
he concluded. The gentle wife believed the
story, and patted her husband on the back.
The next evening the doctor and his wife
were sitting on the stoop, as the custom is in
New York of a warm summer evening. when
who should come walking up the street but
Smith, the policeman. The doctors face grew
crimson, his wlfe's white. There was tab
leau.
You see the trouble was that the doctors
house was corner one, and two police beats
touched it, and two policemen of course passed
it. Unfortunately it was Policeman O'Brien
who was shot; Policeman Smith enjoyed ex.
eellent health.
The doctor never stays out late at night
now.
~
TWO very staid old ladies sat in the seat be-
fore me in a railroad car the other day,
They talked in sedate way to each other, and
of course what they said did not reach me.
But presently one said to the other quite loudly:
what is that girl wearing round her neck?"
The girl indicated sat three or four seats
away and the phenomenon to which the old
lady alluded was the girls own hair elaborately
frizzed.
AS her companion put up her glasses to OBJ
serve the girl the old lady added: tits boa,
is it not?"
1T is the girls hair ourled up" replied the
second old lady after a careful: survey, "but it
must be bore to her anyhow
The pun was lost on the audience it was in
tended for. The levity of old lady of 65 at least
was the amusing thing to me.