The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-07-18
BILL NYE's IMPRESSIONS OF EUROPE.
Hand-Picked aud warranted to Keep in
ANY Climate.

Yes. . he said, Il have been abroad
this season. / am not absolutely GER
tain that / was not more or less abroad
just now. You called to obtain speei-
mems of my foreign impressions. of
course. III there is one thing more
than another that i particularly pride
myself upon il is my foreign impress
sions. | only selected the choicest and
have carefully preserved every one of
them. Any little runt of an impression
that any fellow could pick up didn't
bother with. Mine are all hand-pieked
and warranted 10 keep in any climate.
Several of the crowned heads of Europe
frankly admitted that they would rath-
er have me roofing around their throne
picking mp foreign impressions than
any other impecunious tourist that had
struck them for the wherewitfal TO yet
safely out of their domains for quite a
spell When | kicked a specimen ont
from under the dust of ages they were
universally satisfied thgt il would be
something that would do them credit.
There is more or less danger in the
business, however. Thrones are so
plenty in Europe that fellow who is
practically unacquainted with the
stumble over one or more of them i'm
the dark aud break his neck most any
minute. On several occasions | mar
rowly escaped getting into serious
trouble through Stuiiing tirst-class
hem-stitched European throne into my
trousers pocket under the impression
that it was a ham sandwich. Several
of the German provinces. for instance,
were SO thickly studded with little
haad-painted thrones that / could not
avoid the impression that the perspec-
tive looked like a buckwheat field in
full bloom / travelled for weeks
through Continental Europe without
striking man whom | dared TO adj
dress by title less than king or
prince. The stamp of nobility was in
some cases trihe sun-cracked. but it
was ALWAYS there. Sometimes this
stamp was in the form of ruffled
shirt of a pre-Adamite vintage that
cried aloud for the caressin@ touch Of
Chinese iaundryman, and sometimes
in the form of a classic foot encased in
furnished spur aud sad memory of
the p4st-but il WAS always there.
..Bill. said one of those sad-eyed
little German potentates To me one day
rs we sal idly in the sun vn bench
outside OF tlie. concierge think il
was the concierge-wiihin sound of the
restless sea; Bill, We're you ever a
king?'
i was taken by surprise. but as /
gazed down at the poor fellow my soul
went out in pity. and | determined 10
give him civil answer if il took a
ie@.
81 NAV have been a king for short
~
cretion, ! said kindly, but no one ever
accused me of it. In my country
these youthful indiScretious do not
stick TO man as they do here in Ger
many. A man may be King for a
time and then repent his folly, and
America is full of hands that will be
stretched out 10 help the poor fellow
10 reform aud rise III the world
'..Oi that this were America he
said. with tears in his voice. Bill.
MAY YOU never know the misery, the
heart hungering, Of being German
King without subject. 1t was not
ever thus however. l had a subject
once, but he was very sicklv, and. a
few Years ago. he died. leaving me
alone iii the world Since then | have
searched in vain for man 10 take his
/ place. l have been unable TO lind any
neighboring King with two-hence
none could be spared. o, Bill. / am
/ So lonely-so desolater
Il was much affected.
Ajax. | said-Aiax Agamemnon
/ was his family name-.I ann sorry for
f YOU. But tell me, did You ever try to
swap Your throne of foI clean shirt
and a decent pair of boots? Strike
some nan who runs museum and
4 You may he able 10 strike a bargain
with him. Then YOU might 20 of
somew here where YOU are not known
and try TO lead a nobler and better
The next moment / was alone with
the sound of the restless waves. AjaN
had folded his royal rage about him
and left me to my fate!'
Had YOU any special object in visit
ing Europe?n Mr.. Nye was asked.
Several of them, was the reply
Il was especially anxious 10 investi.
gate the descent of the foreign nobility
which has become SO extensively oul
son-in-law of late. Our sweetest anC
most deeoilete girls are going from us
SO multitudinously nowadays that ar
rived at the conclusion that something
ought to be done about it. As the ca
reer of these titled foreign gentlemen
is almost all descent l felt that tracing
it would partake OF the nature of Il TO
boggan slide. and therefore be easy o
accomplishment. | was not disap
pointed in the result. Out of sevel'a
thousand Dukes, Earls, Barons. Counts
and other rare exotics. | found per
haps half dozen to whom | woult
be willing to marry the dining
room girl who always brings me las
summers egg for breakfast, but no
one whom l would be willing 10 tax,
into the bosom of my family and MAKE
a side-show Of But this sort of thing
will doubtless go on just for all th'
world as though ! had never beer
abroad. A martyr in a good cause i
seldom appreciated until he has beet
dead for several centuries. - Dctrot
Free Press.