The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1890-12-25


Before returning to our own country,
we can not refrain from quoting re-
cent advertisement from Yokohama
paper, as an excellent example Of
Japanese English:
For Sale.
Best Peppermint Oil
Made From Its Really Leafs
Can be durable for the sickness of
Male, Female or Boy.
Dizzy.-Use to put or wipe few drops on the
forehead, bothsides under eyebrows, noseholeS,
aad bothsides the back Of ears.
FeYer.-Wipe on the forehead, and noseholes.
Fft.-Wipe most of the noseholes, and drink
few drops mixed with tea.
Giddy.-Wipe bothsides of forehead and nose.
holes
Gout or Goutswolen.-Wips bothsides of
forehead, noseholes and much to the breast.
Headache Wipe on the forehead ana nose
holes Believe US.
CHOY THoONG SUNG,
Tal-pin Gate outside Brass Smith Road.
Our American newspapers abound in
advertisements of such odd and ingeni-
Gus varieties that one is at loss which
to select as examples of the most origi-
nal. More amusement is afforded by
the column devoted to wants." per-
haps, than any other department, since
few of these occasional advertisers seem
to have much knowledge of grammar
and punctuation, and, therefore, unless
corrected by the printer, their announce
ments are apt to appear in guise alto
gether foreign to the real meaning of
the writer.
A Boston clergyman, in hastily
written advertisement, asks for "a
young man to take cats of a span of
horses of a religious turst of mind;" and
another person wants "a nurse in
small gentleman's family" A Texas
man applies for BOSS hand over five
thousand sheep that can speak Spanish
huently"
But such advertisements are innumer-
able and really, in the opinion of the
writer, not half so interesting as is the
grim humor displayed in such as this,
which comes from gravestone cutter
in the Pine Tree State:
"Such as buy tombstones Of us look with
pride and satisfaction upon the graves of their
friends
Or this from an Illinois undertaken:
"An elegant stock of neat and nobby shrouds,
warranted to give satisfaction to the most par
ticular."
The chief requisites for successful
collector of bad debts ina certain SOUTH
ern State is amusingly illustrated by
the following, which is genuine adver-
tisment:
We desire an able-bodied, hard featured, bad
tempered, d,notto-beput-off and dnot-to-be-baeked-
down young man, to collect for us; must fur
nish his own horse saddle-bags. pistols, bowie
knife and eowhide. Wewill furnish the accounts
To such person we promise constant and la
borious employment"
A New York auctioneer advertises as
follows:
"For sale-A large quantity of oil paintings
by some of the most ancient masters of the
day."
The virtue of breVity, if not of clear
ness, is attained in this:
1.-TWO sisters want washing"
Here.is our honest liquor dealer, Tho
advertises as follows:
'For sale, a lot OF whisky, of not very good
quality, but as good as the average that is sold
about town"
A column might be easily filed with
the most amusing matrimonial ads, but
the following is beyond doubt the most
unique one of that character ever
printed:
"A young gentleman, on the point of getting
married. is DESTROYS of meeting man of exper-
ience who viii dissuade him from such step.
Address, etc.
Few advertisers display more vivid
imagination than certain class of real
estate dealers George Robins, fam
GUS pioneer in this line, had so poetic
pen as to imbue the most prosaie piece
of property with the charms of a para
disc. On one occasion he dwelt at length
upon certain changing wood" con-
nected with an estate which he desired
to sell, which the astonished purchaser
discovered was nothing more or less
than an old gallows! Again, after a
lengthy rhapsody ever a veritable
Eden, for sale cheap, he concluded:
But there are two drawbacks to this
beautiful property-the litter of the
rose leaves and the noise of the night
ingales" Surely the art of artistic
puffery could no further go.
An unusually short-sighted editor
once printed this notice:
Il win take good dog in payment for one
years subscription"
The next day forty-three dogs were
sent to the office. The day afterwards,
when the news had spread out into the
country, four hundred farmers sent two
dogs apiece by express, with eight bas-
kets of puppies, all marked c. o. D.
The offer found its way into neighbor-
ing States, and before the end of tho
week there were eight hundred dogs,
tied with ropes, in the editors front and
back yards. His paper was not pub
lished for six days, and the Government
tax amounted to $780, AS an illustra-
ion of the value of advertising the |
above story is only equaled by.t fact |
'hatewhile compositor on the Montreal
Witness was setting up an advertise
nent for lost canary, the bird itself /
lew in at the Office window Charles
I Adams, in Detroit Free Press,