The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-04-18
SAD DREAMS DRIVEN AWAY.
The Remedy Is simple Your Legs on
Going TO Bed.

"What with mosquitoes aud bad
dreams, l get no peace of nights, !"
sighed the heavy-eyed, dyspeptic-look-
ing clubman to group of congenial
spirits, as they tarried over a mid
night repast few evenings ago. sit
doesn't make particle of difference
what have tossed off before seeking
my couch. whether it be deviled crab
or buttered toast, whisky cocktail or
Schuylkill bacteria, night of unrest
is sure to follow. My eyes no sooner
close than horde of tiresome spirits
begin to dance through my brain, the
old-time villain still pursues me, and
everybody | ever knew, together with
myriads that never want to know, be-
gin to chatter foolish jargon that has
no cessation till the morning breaks
and the rising bell rings. I'd give a
mint of money to the doctor who would
give me the prescription for night of
solid dreamless slumber."
.Why don't you try Mother Mahiia-
bells soothing syrnp?n suggested a
sympathetic friend.
'-0r dose of arsenic?" murmured q
facetious one.
Gross yourself thrice before reeiring,
turn yourself about on your left heel
in front of the mirror seven times and
step into bed backward" came from a
man who never sat thirteen at a table
nor looked at the moon over his right
shoulder. land I'll warrant you'll never
see a sight nor hear sound the live
long night"
''lf you recline on your back or your
stomach of course YOU will see all the
terrors of the inferno" youchsafed a
young medical student. 'Lie on your
side, with your head upon low, hard
pillow. and you will sleep dreamlessly
till doomsday-or breakfast time.'
There was little panse. broken only
by sigh from the man of dreams. He
evidently had no faith in any of these
specifics. But another voice now spoke
up: ''Old man, be so good as to try
my method and promise you'll never
want to try another. No quackery or
mummery about it. no potion or lotion
either; no explanation, for that matter.
Yet it's sure cure every time. / used
to be fearfully harrassed with visions.
My nights were made hideous. but
there came a sudden change. l awoke
one morning supremely happy in the
thought that for the first time in wears
had slept for eight hours in perfect
peace aud forgetfnlness. with not a
delight. l wondered what was the
cause and at length discovered that
had been sleeping cross legged. /
tried it again the next night, and again
and again, and will YOU believe it, my
friend, from that day TO this. save once
only, / have never had anything worse
+ than day dreams. The reason is that
never close my ewes without previously
adjusting my legs AT right angles. aud
+ keeping them poised in this tailor fash
ion the night through. Que night,
/ however, was SO tired that / forgot
the usual arrangement. The horrible
creatures that peopled my mind that
night will live with me TO my dying
day."
The dream-bound banqueter looked
! incredulously. aud heaved another
sigh. He asked question or two as to
I the angle of the leg crossing and Its
/ tendency to lumbago. and then re.
lapsed into silence.
i Yesterday, however, he met his
friend and advisor on Chestnut stree
and greeted him Gproariously. Not q
dream nor vision." he cried; mot a
+ sprite nor gnome. not friend nor a
/ foe, but night of perfect sweet OBJ
livion. l tied my legs in double bow
knot and every blasted dream tool
flight. Now, tell me how to banisl
mosquitoes, too. aud. by George. the
world is yours. VI Philadelphia Record.