Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-08-27
TEA TABLE SALAD.

struck a Sa1lOr.-Ch1cGgO GtOOe-
LIFE is reel with the man who has
three sheets in the wlnd.-DGtlds NeWs.
If YOU can't see through joke crack
it and look through the crack.-Neu
York Herald.
LOVE may be blind, but he skips the
girl with the squint. = Ranghdmpton
Leader
Two sodawater fountains might be
called pair of sizzers. -Pitsbaug Dis
patch.
No, Heliogabalus, the crowbar is nc
the place where the crow pleads his
caws.-Binghanato Leader.
THEY use the toughest wood in
bridges, and yet there's many a bridge
tender Binghdmpton Republican.
CHE mosquito is like the summer
girl ," g? ?'' "Hard to catch, but
easily mashed. p-New York Herald.
TOURIST lin Grand Central depot
"Shall [ take this train to Albany?"
Gateman-"That's hardly necessary
The locomotive will do that"
"AND you allowed your girls father
fellow help what's done behind his
back. Philadelphia Times.
''THERE is an art in putting on gloves,
it, you have to get your hand in before
you can master the art.-Boston Courier.
SHE-"What bright fellow that Jen-
kinsis" johnson (jealous) -"He's get
ting brighter and brighter every day
He's letting his red beard grow. "-Once
q Week.
IT'S sweet 80 hear a brlght-eyed son
Sound forth a parents praise:
For instance, when he comments on
Cr11N+ I,orf ccxt-f f0hi inn
Washington Post.
WHENEVER the Wichita Eagle prints
an article on its political status it always
double-leads it SO that the people can
read between the lines.-Kdnsds City
Star
THAT proposed railroad tunnel under
Milwaukee might be also used as union
beer cellar, with half the expense
charged to the breweries.- Washington
Star.
Mrs. CUMso Gndignantly)-"I never
go through my husbands pockets when
he's asleep" Mrs. Banks (sweetly)-
Glow wise of you not to waste your
time. Epoch.
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER Gin Kentucky
Johnny, how did the forbidden fruit
cause the fall of man?'' johnny
"They made it inter brandy I'-New
York Herald.
DUMPsEY-" Blobsons wife is very
small, isn't she?' Popinjay-"Y es;
you would hardly believe it but | have
heard it said that she goes through his
pockets every night. "-B,Ttinqton Free
Press
81 DIDN'T see you at my poor, dear
husbands funeral, Julia"
''No; | saw that the funeral was to be
private, and knew there would be such
a jam that | couldn't get inside the
door. Time
OF all the things ON earth there are
To drive man
The worst is rickety sleeping
Where you lie awake
Think
Ashland (W5s) Press
GIVE made my will, Joseph, and. it is
SO we'll drawn it can't be broken"
Il rejoice to hear that, uncle"
81 don't know whether you do or not,
Joseph. haven't left you cent -
Harper's Bazar.
CALLAHAN-"It's sorry Oh am for yez,
Hogan. 1t wor tn finest pig an the
hill. Phwat kilt him ?''
Hogan-Shure Oh fought it wor tn
ould woman thryin' t. git in tn shanty,
an haved a fat-iron fly Trough tn
dure. Judge.
Mrs. GRADY-"Get out O. that now !"
Feldstein-"I vos not touchin' der
flowers"
Mrs. Grady iver mind phether
al tn perfumery av thin t. go up that
fue O. youres ?'-Jotdge.
PAT-"This is great scheme"
Bridget "Phwat is?" Pat-'I see that
a man can get post-office money order
for 500 for 45 cents. | have dollar
left, and I'll git some av thin ordhers
this very day and start in business
again. This is a great country. ''-NeaO
Hampshire Republican.
THERE, poor fellow is dollar. Take
it, get something to eat and have that
fearful tear in your pantaloons
patched"
''Thank you, sir. | will do what you
say, but that tear We'll leave as it is. It
will last just as long as a patch would,
you know. Philadelphia Press.
A Jones prides himself
upon bis learning"
$50 believe"
"Self-educated? '
"Wholly SO"
f'Does he know Latin? '
Know Latin! Should say so. Why,
man, when he writes to the papers he
signs himself Pro Bono Publico y
Boston Courier.
"CAN'T you settle that account now,
sir ?''
"Why, l mailed you the money long
ago."
II never received it.
tWell, | saw in the newspapers that
letters containing $4,000 have gone to
the dead-letter Office in the last twelve
months. Yours must be among them.
See the government about it. "-Ep0ch