Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-01-29
THE BOWSERS.
MRS. BowsER TELLS WHAT SHE GOT FOR
CHRISTMAS.

SODS TO Do nereaIter explained 1 COulQ not
certainly count on anything until it was
handed out to me. No one must get the
idea that Mr.. Bowser and l quarrel. We
average husband and wife. On the 9th of
last December, two days after Christmas,
Mr.. Bowser wanted to put up bracket in
the sitting-room, and he called to me bring
him the corkscrew.
'Have you lost your head ?' he demand
ed, as handed it to him.
mo, sir''
''Didn't you hear me say gimlet?''
'fYou said corkscrew."
'Never p'
eyes you did, Mr.. Bowser," said the
cook. who had luckily overheard him.
"Don't know the difference between a
corkserew and q screw-driver ?"
ga minute ago you said gimlet. Mr.. Bow
ser. What is it you really wapt-a cork
screw, gimlet, screw oliver, pinchers, whet-
stone, brush broom, brace aud bit, or
what? ''
81 want to inform yon," hs replied, as he
fling Iha bracket under the |ounge-"I
want to inform you in letters six feet high
that I ! be Internally smashed into squash
il get you a Christmas present next
year 9'
''Mr. Bowser p'
81 won't. even il you get dogu on your
knees to ne p'
And about the 10th of January, one
evening after supper, he brnug ht in the oil
jug from the barn, and of course inquired
what he was going to do.
'Mrs. Bowser," he began, in the lofty
way of a husband who is prepared to make
his wife take back seat. 'syou have, pre-
sumo, heard of leather ?"
"Yes, SIR"
'Leather, as yon probably do not know,
and would never And out but from me, is
the hide eff the back of certain animal
anox, a COW, a steer, etc. The hide off
horse is called horse-hide."
II thought 1t was called deer skin,"
replied, willing to be crushed.
'Ah! No doubt YOU did. Ali WON en-
probably do. The hide of calf is called a
calfskn."
Hoy wonderful, Mr. }wser Do they
take it off while he is alive Calves don't
shed their hides in tue fall. do they How
wish had your knowledge %
''Your head could never contain it, Mrs.
Bow SER he answered, tickled almost to
death over the ig 1orance l pretended. "But
10 resume Leather is the hide of an ami
,Dal put through process called tanning.
Even after being tanned it is full o. small
pores"
SIS it possible"
"These pores, minute as hey are, admit
water That's how you get your feet
Damp
SIS that the reason ?''
SIT is; and now am going to beat na-
ture by filling those pores with oil, and
thus keep out the water"
"With Iiuseed oil ?'
"Ceriainly."
"But father and Tom used to use castor
oil. They said that the other oils prevent
ed their shoes from taking shine after
wards, and made the leather sticky
''Oh they did !? What your father and
Tom don't know about leather would make
big book
He rubbed on the oil, dried 1t in, rubbed
on some more, and spent an hour over his
shoes. Next morning when he tried to put
on shine it was no go. He rubbed his
nee kite almost over he back of his head
bat seam power conldn have done it. He
quit brushing and called TO me.
81 was afraid of it," replied as he held
up one foot.
"roen Why didn't you say SOP"
81 did +" ~
"Never You have gone and spoiled
these six dollar boots."
"Mr. Bowser, told you that linseed oil
wonld render them sticky and"
''Aud | want to tell you right here now
that you wont get no Christmas present
next year-not even candy cat - he in
terrupted, as he banged his hat on his he d
to take walk around the block.
In February l ordered cut loaf sugar and
he sent pulVerized, and when l proved BY
the cook that he was mistaken he turned
away with
n ,,an &c nv, mn n Ac,rd th,t ~ - n
thing l can. III rather have peace, of
course; but next Christmas Eve will make
everything all right. You will be looking
70 Ia present, but you will look in vaip."
In April we were having a two handed
game of euchre one night, and | took his
king of spades With an ace.
''That's cool y he remarked. ''What
sort of game do you call this p
"Euchre.''
swell. you hand that trick over here.''
''What for ? l took it -
'sNot much The ace don't take king
in this game"
: ''Of course it does ! The ace is next to
the left bower.''
SIT is eh ? Who told you that?'
fEvery body knows it."
"Then every body is fool The king is
above the ace, of course. That's why the
high parsonage"
"MI. Bowser, you are wrong"
81 am right. You are getting left, and
soyou want to raise row and break up the
game That's just like YOU"
"But am three games ahead"
"What This ends it, We play no more.
And now, when Christmas comes again do
not blame me, Mrs. BJwser, if you get
nothing"
In July, we went down town one day,
I lost my parasol. He made reat ado
about it, but the lost article was sent home
from store while he was yet talking. The
very next dav he lost his wallet and eighty
dollars, and l felt it my duty to repeat his
words
"Mr Bosser, you are the most careless
man ever saw"
81 am, en- ?"
"You might have kno Hn that you would
have lost it If you carried it down town. In
future you had better tie a piece of clothes
line to ii.
"What You talk like that to me-"
"It's inst what you said to me-"
ssBnt the circumstances were vastly diff
ferent, I had intended to use that eighty
dollars to bny yon a Christmas present, but
as you have bs1 SO much to say, you'll get
nothing at all Dow."
1t was the same 10 o ,tober and Nlvem-
Der, and even oD the 23d of December Mr..
Bowser came home in the evening to OBJ
serve !:
81 had two hundred dollar-horse offer
ed me to-day for seventy five dollars"
"Did you? Well, we don't want any
more horses around u.s."
"Why not 20
"Because they prove to be bad bargains.
Neither of us knows enough about them to
drive one.''
sITrs. Bowser, do you mean TO say that
can't drive horse % he demanded.
'sWeren't you afraid of the last one ~
"Not much -
ssBut when be ran away with us, you