The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1890-07-31
THE TENDERFOOT

SuilIly NaltSs uOWtTy utt niu rip
pling brooks. He breathcs the salubriat-
ing air of the worlds sanitarium, but II
fails TO find him too full for utterance,
and he refuses to sit own by the wayside
n stone, all alone, gentle Annie, to in
crease the daily capacity Of a long suffer-
ing editors waste basket with Rocky
mountain poetry and other sentimental
illusions. The gentle zephyrs of Rock
canyon, laden with tine aroma Of honey
suckle and wild garlic, sough through his
grizzled locks, but they speak no language
Of festive fairies or paradise to him. The
jackson rabbit glides by on that frandful
gallop of his to its lair beneath the droop-
ing boughs OF n weeping sage brush; but to
him the John rabbit and the jeremiah cot
tontail are the same, one n ~inseparable,
now and forever more, etc. lie gazes
across the valley forty-two or three miles
and beholds one of his %neighbors per-
forming the domestic duty of applying q
very large shingle TO the latter extremity
of a male child, but distance fails to lend
enchantment to the view. The mountain
grouse and the sage hen bask in the beau
tiful sunshine, but while the fowls Of the
air have nests and the prairie dogs have
holes, he hath not, excepting a railroad
tie, whereupon to place his Uranium. He
hears the bubble OF a meandering creek
let, but Omnipotence ha, located said
stream about 100 miles too far west to
contain q sufficient amount of attraction
for him, and its ripplcs fall on n pair of
long, lank ears that were built more for a
little pastime, known as Pig goo-oo-y,
Thar for drinking in crecklet ripples and
Eolian melodies. The shrill whistling of
"A lightning and laundering locomotive on
tho nnxyiI and Rtn [. rnp ln nAptnS nsh,tnn
up the canyons and laundering down the
ages on the other sid of the range, but
the shrek awakens no noble or lofty aspi-
rations within the respective bosoms of his
blue enim INT red flannel. He is "A ten
derfoot from away back and he yearns for
the dear old home and the gooseberry
patch beyond the Big Muddy, where the
~ireflies gambol through the tumble
weeds, the solemn dirge OF the night bug
burdens he humid air and the katy-did
see-saws under the window of his fore
fathers. He longs to gaze again upon the
scenes of his youthhood. He vain would
plug once more the watermelon of his an
cestors and several %neighbors and ramble
through the corn fields n pumpkin
piles where, in youth, he was wont to
gambol. He thinks of the old school
house and tho boys ant girls with whom
and under whom he has placed the
crooked pin for fun and final~ results, and
where he has tossed the magic paper wad
of tradition. How often he has swung
upon b ''old BROW gate" in the twilight
of other summers with his own Samantha.
He remembers the good old mother with
her gentle zoe and bottle of paregoric,
and the buckwheat cakes and gravy she
prepared for him three times per day, and
he fain would mi his bosom with a GER
tain variety of custard she aked. He
has been "A prodical now for nearly three
weeks and he wonders il they miss him at
home Mt meal time. He also pnuprs
how many of his old playmates have died,
how many have married or been
sent to other varieties of prisons.
and how many. have cmieratcd
TO Canada for their health and
temporary security since he began his pill
grimage nearly six months ago. He has
not fed upon husks since he came west.
They don't raise husks in Colorado as
staple. In some places they raise them
for advertising purposes, but they are not
good to eat. They raise more hair and
hade here than they do corn, and he has
concluded after giving the subject an
earnest, sober consideration, that he
would rather raise corn. He has become
tired of the products mentioned and has
about concluded To return to the domicile
of his ~step-father m bury the thomas
hawk. After arguing for two hours with
a modest box-car tourist, as TO the utility
Of donating 10 cents to the cause of suf-
ering humanity and AN everempty stom-
ach, and finally yielding to the inevitable
he IKE a position on a pine stump n
whites and whistles m ponders. The
u n he whistles Is n favorite with the peo-
pie of Arkansas and contains two distinct
turns. He ponders neither wisely nor
well, and settles upon a line of action
reaching from the yellow pine stump
upo which he occupies "A sedentary posi-
ton to the climbing roses and yearlinR
neifers of home, where the calamitous-
tailed ypllnw inekRt rnnnns amid hnwars
of red clover and morning-glories, and
where the black-and-tan shoat wallows i'm
its mire. He arises with a look of deter
mination i'm his oil eye shakes his man
and exclaims:
will arise and go back 10 Gods coun-
try. the land of ngue and summer COM
plant and cyclones. | will populate a
blind baggage car or the lonely and
melancholy tie route with a poor. broken
hearted tou list till / am once more in the
orchard and cow yard Of other times. l
will arise n go back to the one-story
domicile of nv stepfather, and | will say
unto him, Old man." ii can't call him
dad II have been tolerably reckless. 1
went oil on my long ear after our last
row and committed diver other plumbers.
[ have sinned before Heaven and against
you and the rest of the folks. l nave been
out among the hairlifters of the wild and
whoopful West. The road was tolerably
rocky in that country. i got hungry and
homesick out there and | would have been
awfully glad. old man, to i've gotten my
self on the outside of some Of the crumbs
and other fragments that fall from
mothers kitchen table. The m~eandering
tramp makes life a burden and pocket
books very measly I'm that country. /
have grown seriously and suddenly weary
of light air and landscape. Therefore
make of me thy hired dago at IS cents per
day. | will toat the swill, chop the tough
elm knots aud milk tho pa'e red
and frolicsome heifer. l will not
complain about said duties nor
manufacture any more yell in the
household. | will sleep in the smoke
house and dine at the second table with.
out making n row, VIII dodge TO the
L.. a -. lnnuInInn mud hnlinf In hnnf.