West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-08-28
Reaa His Own Funeral Notice.

3 o'clock that incoming the printing
presses of the Morning News were
turning out the following brief an
nouncement of Mr.. Mather's de-
mise:
MATHER.-At the residence OF
Mr.. Brown, Evanston, Henry Muth-
or, aged so years. Funeral notice
later
Just at the same hour the suppos-
ed corpse created "a blood curdling
sensation at the house of John
Brown, III quiet Evanston, by ris-
ing from the couch on which he had
been "laid out" casting to one
side the shroud which covered him,
and declaring that a mistake had
been made. Mr.. Mather asked
why he had been laid OH a hard
board and put in hot back parlor
to sleep. lie insisted on an expla-
nation for the presence of Grape on
the door, and could not understand
why the people were up and dress
ed in the midst OF the night.
The terrorized people who had
been "sitting up" with the alleged
remains finally broke the sad news
of his own death TO Mather. lie
had been corpse since early in the
evening. 1t was a fact. The
doctor had said so, and to all ap-
pearances the doctor was correct.
The coffin had been ordered. The
pall-bearers had been selected.
Notices had been sent to the papers.
Everybody thought Mr.. Mathcr
was dead except Mr.. Mather him
self. If he was really dead, then
ther" is such thing as second
time on earth.
Henry Mather was and is 80
years of age, and still resides with
John Brown in Evanston. Last
March he met with an accident and
dislocated three ribs. He recover
ed from his injuries, and in May
appeared to be in good health, but
soon after was taken sick, and since
then has been in bad condition.
In fact, his diet for two months
has been milk or whiskey and
water. Monday he was very weak
and confined to his bed and Mon
day evening he died. The sorrow
ing friends carried the remains to
the back parlor of the house, and
William Morgan and others in the
neighborhood were called in to OBJ
serve the time-hOnored custom OF
sitting up with the mortal shell.
The little dcath-watch company sat
in the front parlor telling each other
what good man Mr.. Mathcr had
been before he had decided to shut
ile off this mortal coil.
Ats a. m. William Morgan heard
a suspicious sound in tho back
room. Some one WAS scratching a
match. He carelesly walked to the
door and looked into the dimly
lighted apartment. The sight that
met his eye was one that William
Morgan will dream about for long
time to come.
The corpse was sitting on the fu-
neral bier drinking whiskey from a
large bottle and smoking a cigar.
whats the matter ?" he asked.
"Ain't you dead 20 asked Nor
gan.
why, certainly not, my dear
boy. If you had given me this
whiskey l would have been all right
long ago."
These being the facts in the case,
1T is nothing more than right that
correction should be made to the
notice of Tuesday morning. The
only correct statement in the brief
account is the one, "funeral notice
later" The funeral notice will
come considerably later. for the
lately deceased and resurrectcd.
Mr.. Mather is up at Lake Geneva,
Wisconsin, OH pleasure excursion.
He has been improving some since
Tuesday. This wierd and truthful
account Of how he failed to die is
published at his own request.-Cz,
cago NewS.