Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-02-10

Faithful and true, he leads me still.
------=--=-------
She (shyly)-I do love champagne.
He: Why? She: Because the corks
pop so.
There is one good thing about the APP
pie of the eye. You don't often see one
that is green
''That was strange feat of the educa-
ted pig eyes but there is trichno-
sis worth two of that"
''Karl, you have been fighting; l can
see it in your eyes" 80, mammal you
ought to see the other boys eyes"
Ominous Signs. ''Tommy. you may
go and cut me good, strong birch rod -
Spa, don't think it's a. good day to go
fishing"
First Tramp 'Whey! Dat was a
long run. Did de dog bite your shins?''
| Second Tramp: ''Naw he only barked
EN-"
Couldn't Find EN- Jones Cat the mu-
scum "Here's (hic) vertebrates an
here's radiates; wonder where's Ssh room
FOR lne0rateS!
Mrs. Parvenue: ''Have you any more
shopping to do to-day?" Mrs. Quickly
rich eyes, must run into the optim-
lists and see if my new glasses are done. "
An old veteran, whu saw his cigar was
annoying a lady near him, asked: sDo
they not smoke in your regiment, mad
amp" 'In my regiment, perhaps, but
not in my company"
The weather has been SO warm thus
far this winter, that the usual hints on
Chow to Treat Sunstroke," have not ap-
peared They are usually printed when
the temperature is down to zero.
Hardup with his winter ulster)-
Clocks pretty well for an old one, doesn't
it? I've had it pressed" Badluck Catch
ing sight of the tag)-"Yes, suppose it
was pressed-lotS of others on top of it,"
Yabsley: ''By the way, what business
is the landlady's husband in? Do you
know?" Billings: "He is a clerk in a
leather store" Yabsley; ''Oh! That
accounts for our having dried apples so
often"
'sYou had lot of books this year,
didn't you, Mollie?" Yes" replied Mis-
tress Mollie, with all the seriousness of
perfect sincerity: 81 had five improving
books on my Christmas tree and two TO
read"
''Who is there?" said Dr.. Brown-Se-
pnarH in m EpnsE ut lab
oratory door The Grant Monument
Fund, was thereby. ''WeH, | can't Go
anything FOR you. You'll have to wait
till resurrection day"
A little girl had been playing with Il
black kitten, which at last ran under the
house, from whence there presently
emerged gray kitten of the same size.
'.Oh!" exclaimed Annie: "Titty's chang
ed her jess, and pat on her dirty one"
In reading room, two boys, twelve and
eight years old, looking at an illustrated
book + der (reading); 'India-rubber
Tree" Younger as that a rubber
trec?" Elder: ''Yes; you hit that tree
with tchet, and the hatchetll bounce
back"
Ne~ly-Accepted Suitor: ''Well, Bob
by, you will have new uncle soon; 1
am your Aunt Mary's choice for a hus-
band" Bobby (surprised) "Well, that's
yesterday, that you were Hobson,s
choice"
Mrs. Hickes ''What pretty blonde
Miss King Chester is! But she's an an
omaly to me. L know the family we'll
All the Kings were brunettes, and the
ChesterS were all dark, too. Where can
she get her light hair trom?" Miss Wickes:
''From Paris
Age no biection.-Solomon Isaacs
''You want to marry one of my daughters?
Veil, de Youngest gets SlO,O 900, de second
youngest $4,000, and de oldest gets
$4,000" key Silverston: Haven't
you got Something's vat vas very valuable
apout $4,000 Old
''Don't talk to mel" Indignantly cried
the lime kept store eggs to its neighbor,
crate of dried apples, ''you withered spec
linen of mummefaction. No one can sit
on me with impunity. L want you to I'M
derstand, you sun-cooked fossil, that
there's nothing fresh about mel"
A st. Louis burglar went to sleep the
other night while plundering the resi-
dence of Il citizen, and awoke to find
himself captive. town in which the
burglars cannot keep awake during bust
hours only makes itself ridiculous when
it asks for the Worlds Fair.
Rural Minieter: 1.-The brothers whose
duty it is to pass the plate are not here
to-day. Would you object to taking up
the collection" Modest Worshiper; 81
never passed the plate in church in my
life, and I'm afraid I'd be rather awk-
ward.' Rural Minister: "Oh, never mind
about that. 1t WON'T be noticed. Most
of my congregation become absorbed in
their hymn-books about the time the
plate goes round"
Our postmaster, Col. Hardeman, hav-
ing to employ a charwoman about the
new United States post-office, singled out
a colored lady, and offered her the place.
She declined it, for the reason that there
was too much work for $40 per month.
"What!" said the colonel. ''You could
not make half of it at anything else. Why,
at the North a woman will scrub the floor
all day through the month for $40" Eyes,
answered the lady of color; "but dem
Yankees is raised to work, and we isn't,
On one occasion, When Rev. DR.. Rob
ertson of Irvine, still youth, was preach
ing from home, the church was crowded,
even the aisles and the pulpit stairs being
occupied. Ascending to the pulpit with
out gown or bands, he found an old wo-
man sitting on the topmost step. She
was very unwilling to make way for him.
She could not imagine that he was the
preacher whose fame had attracted so
large an assemblage, but, yielding to his
resolute purpose, audibly cautioned him !
t.TadliE lad1ie We mamma rang in there, ]