The Colfax chronicle., 1890-12-06
PuNcENr PARAGRAPHS.

-Giles-"What does Brown do with
all tho money he makes IN tnas
scheme?" Merritt-"Loses 1t In an
other scheme. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
The Qualification. First Tradesman
Ills he gentleman? Second Trades
MAXWELL, suppose so. He doesn't
pay his debts until you make him 90
."-Munsey's Weekly.
Contributor ~ have an article
here concerning the benefits of advertis-
ing. which - Editor (eagerly)-
'Yes, sir, we'll examine 1t with pleas
ure. Yankee Blade.
-s.We have decided that baby looks
like Uncle Joseph" said the happy
mamma. "Why, Joseph Harris Is a.
ugly as mud fence" "Yes. but he is
worth s., 900. COO. IN. Y. Sun.
Particular Citizen-''These new red
stamps are not as adhesive as they
ought to be-" Postal Oficial-"I guess
you never tried carrying sheetof them
in your pocket on hot day."-N. T.
Weekly.
: -She-.tieorge, dear, what dc you
think our happiness is chiefly depend
ent upon?" He las his arm steals about
her wi,lowy waist)-"Upon our sur
roundings, sweet" = Burlington Free
Press.
-..I suppose, Somberlin, that you
often entertain your friends by reading
your jokes to them" Friends? Alas,
have none. They all left me when l
took to writing jokes. Yankee Blade.
Mrs. Larkin (reading)-'Mrs. Nc
Gill, of Salt Lake City, found IS gold
piece In the crop Of q chicken she was
dressing for dinner" Larkin-"Now
look out for an English syndicate to buy
up all the chickens in the country
N. Y. Sun.
We notice that the number Of
female cashiers in large establishments
is greatly ON the increase. We suppose
the explanation of this is that they are
either more honest than men. or else
they can't run SO fast--Ram's Horn.
! New Assistant-''Wot fer ye always
give that there woman full weight?"
Iceman-"'Caus she amt respectable"
Assistant-"Eh!" Iceman--'She's one
O. tn low down kind that 'ud grab up
light weight lump an run right out
inter tn public street, an make us
weigh it over agin. Good News.
! -Loiterer lat railway station)-"Why
does that boy set up yell every time
locomotive whistle blows?" Small Boy
'--''He's tryin' ter see if he's got voice
enough to drown tn noise of tn en-
gine." Loiterer-"What FORT" Small
Boy-"He wants ter find out If he's
adapted fer selling papers IN. Y.
Weekly.
-He-"How have you been enjoying
yourself, Miss Esmerelda?" She-"I
have never enjoyed myself SO much as at
this very moment 1t is so delightful to
be alone, absolutely alone, in perfect
solitude by the seaside" N. Bile
mentioned this little conversation to his
friends, and now they call him Perfect
Solitude.-Texas Siftings.
-"But Tom. dear, where is the big
trout you said you caught?" 'Oh! that
one! Why-yes, of course well, / took
that trout and it looked SO good 1
cooked it and ate it on the spot. And
speaking of eating, Maude, / wish you'd
hurry up that dinner. l haven't had
mouthful all day." And then Maude for
the first time doubted her husbands
veracity. Bazaar.
The following advertisement IL
taken from the Liverpool Daily Post:
WILL THE LADY WEARING SPECTA-
w Giles, who. on Thursday evening. the 7th
inst. drove q dark pony and wheeled
phaeton. with groom behind, along lakewood
Road and ndINJURED A VALUABLE SADDLE
HORSE by not taking her side of the road,
kindly GET BETTER PAIR OF GLASSES
and TAKE DRIVING LESSONS before she
ventures out again.