Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-05-01
WISE AND UNWISE.
An unmixed evil--whisky straight

An unmixed evil--whisky straight.
A BAR-GAIN-When the drinks are
psid for.
CHESTNUT burs, like milliners, have
fall openings.
A FEW stiff horns will make many a
timid man pugnacious bull.
MEN are are apt to worship what they
cannot understand = women for ex-
ample.
EXTREMES easily meet in infancy. 1t
is no work at all for the baby to suck
his toes.
THESE are trying times for me, was
what the cook said as she stood over
the lard keg.
90, LORD! how you make me jump"
as the grasshopper remarked when he
was first created.
The small boy remarked that he
would like his teacher better if her rul-
ing passion was not so striking.
"HE's a master of the fine arts, was
the manner in which culprit who had
just paid financial penalty referred to
the judge.
"AH, yes those tarts our mothers
used to makel By the way, are you
fond of iams?" "Yes-every kind but
one." "What is that?" "It's first name
is James"
A HEART sorrow: II should never
have recognized this other photo of you,
dear. 1t looks careworn and old. eyes
that was taken when papa wouldn't
buy me the Duke of Dirtwater!"
CUSTOMER What's the charge
Barber-Thirty cents. G. - Thirty
centsl Why, I thought you charged
only fifteen cents for a shave. B.-Yes,
sir, but you see you have double
chin.
PEssIMIsTIc auditor Cat concert)-
Seems to me this is mighty short
programme, considering the price they
charge. Optimistic auditor-Oh, we
can easily get the worth of our money.
Just encore everything.
WATTs-I suppose your wife is like
most women-never admits that she
made mistake. Wickwire she
occasionally asserts that she made a
mistake in marrying me, but she never
admits that outside the family.
"DIp the prisoner at the bar strike
you in the alteration asked the
lawyer. "No, sar, boss" replied tn,
dusky prosecutor, she biffed me righ
behind de lef' year. Eff yo1l jes' lear
obera little ways kin sho' yo' de 'zac
spot" The lawyer didn't lean.
"SURE," cried the Irishman, "and IN
heir to splendid estate under my
fathers will. When he died, he ordered
my brother to divide the house with
me; and by ST. Patrick, he did it-fol
he tuck the inside himself, and gave
me the outside!"
"WELL, my dear madam, and how
are you to-day?" "Oh, Doctor, 1 have
terrible pains all over my whole body
and it seems impossible to breathel OF
course, can't sleep at all; and have
not particle of appetite" !" "But other
wise you feel all right, don't you?"
Mr.. GooDoAToH calling on the elder
sister, Why Johnny, how you are
growing You'll be man before your
sister if you keep on. Johnny-You
bet will. Sister'll never be man if
she keeps on being twenty like she has
for the past five years. CThen there
was trouble in the household.)
"Do YOU think your sister likes me,
Tommy?' Eyes. She stood up for you
at dinner" "Was anybody saying any
thing against me?' "No, nothing
much. Father said he thought you
were good deal of an ass, but sis
right up and said you wasn't and told
father he ought to know better than
Judge man by his looks"
SHE WAS WILLING.
I'D like to get permission"
Family the young man said
| Permission for what?' she asked him,
a s she coyly poised her head,
"Permission to court and win you,"
Demanded the bold young man
~ want to pay you court " he said,
and win you, if l can"
"oh, you have my permission,
If that is all you need
Permission to court md try to win,
Butt don't think you II succeed"
Yellow Carriers Bring Bad Luck.