Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1890-11-12
pIGNIFTEp FOR ONCE.

| on to state that il would be a cold day
before Spain had another king with as
much pop and high purposes as Ferd
had.
The eyes of wax figures are of glass.
and are fastened in by means of rods
which pass up through the interior of
the head and fasten the eyebal from
the rear. Wax people are noted for
their dignity and repoSe. They have no
brains, but they never forget to be dig
nified. hate dignified people. never
tried to be dignified but once, and that
was two weeks ago. Iwore a handsome
new frock coat and suit of dark blue,
and new, shining Russia iron silk hat
to drive my family over the Finger Bowl
road on Staten Island and on to South
Beach. l was proud and naughty,
dressed mp, serene and mentally vacant
In order TO look dignifed People who
saw us driving thus afterward paid me
high compliment by telling my wife
what dignifed and thoroughly clerical
looking coachman she had.
Since that | have not tried to look
dignifed.
We had quite fright not long ago,
and i might tell it here, perhaps. as well
as elsewhere, for | think the chief charm
about letter of this kind is its infor-
mality, truth and accuracy.
Ny wife is not easily frightened. She
Is a Chicago girl who married beneath
her station, SO l am told; but we will let
that pass. The other evening she was
comparatively alone and reading Three
Men in a Boat" She likes English hu-
NOR, because it Is SO pure and has such
plain directions with each book She
was reading it thoughtfully and prayer
fully-knowing that no one could read
English humor and not go away better
man-when she heard heavy football
along the hall.
1t was not my football, for mine is
light. 1t would not wilt maidenhair
fern-l tread 80 lightly-especially at
late hour. The tread slowly approached.
My wife shivered and bolted her door.
The step turned toward the bathroom,
She had heard OF burglars coming into
private residence, taking bath, and then
going away-after stealing few things.
Later she heard him slashing around
In the bathtub at a great rate and she
was thoroughly scared. She tried to call
some of the servants, but could not
reach them. Finally after what seemed
like thousand years she decided to see
for herself. She could not wait. So
with loudly beating heart she opened
the door of the bathroom softly.
The light was low, but in the bathtun
just above the water, was the Gale. still
face of mani
He had borrowed our bathroom for
suicidal purposes.
When l came home all was in CON
fusion was never so welcome. In
little brief excited talk | was told what
had happened. l took my trusty Elk
callibar and went TO the door listening
to see if the dead burglar had revived.
He had not. Slowly opened the door
and peered in.
To go back n little, / must add that we
have bust of Benjamin Franklin at our
house which every year requires wash
ing. The help had decided at late
hour to give Benjamin bath, and with
heavy tread had sought the bathroom
for that purpose. So when the mistress
of the house went there to discover the
burglar she found the white set features
OF the great man apparently drowned
in the bath.
Try it some time if you think it i'm
probable. You will be surprised.
So no more at present.
A1g1 AM
"It was magnificent NINE but they
ruined it." s.HowT 1.-THE poor Idiots