Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-12-21
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

" ALL NSZ JuUlD dCEOSS tD1S
pond, Moike?" Rsff.rty-"Begobs, can
in two jumps"
First Farmer-"I raised g fine crop Of
wheat this year and lots of potatoes and
cabbage" Second Fsrmer-"Wel l cid
better than that. | raised 81 600 mort.
gsge."-W Vest Shore.
The wife of him who makes his pile
In selling weakened milk
Should il she wants to be in style,
Be dressed in watered silk.
"On what ground, Mr.. Cautious, do you
propose to break our engagement There
is no ground, Miss Bellows; that's the
trouble. had supposed, when we became
engaged you owned large farm."-Epoch
observation-disclosures on, Leah: l vas all
ready to go and call on der Rosenthals."
Mrs. Oppenheimer-"I changed my mind,
Abe. guess We don't CO." Oppenheimer
Not go! Den washed my hands all for
noting"
James" exclaimed the proprietor Of the
store, angrily, put that glass cover back on
the limburger cheese customer came
in smoking cigarette. James" vocif-
Grated the proprietor. take that cover off
the limburger cheese again ~ Chicuqo
Tribune.
why don't you marry, Tom ?" BE
cause matrimopy is possible only under
three conditions" What are they ?''
my wife must be rich, beautiful aud
fool. Unless she be rich and beautiful, 1
won't marry her, and unless she be a fool
she won't marry mel
THAT young Miss Newdle to whom you
were paying SO much attention last even
ing, Leon, said bis mother, talks very
ungrammatically.p Thunder ~ exclaimed
the young man. "She doesn't need to
know anything about grammar, mother.
She owns gas well. &C Chicago Tribune.
The heated summer term is er,
The perspiration leaves the brow
The man who used to shut the door,
Will always leave it open now.
A little boy asked his mother to talk to
him and say something funny. How can
baking these these pies wv wei IL y oy m Gafy
say, Charlie, won't you have pie?' That
would be very funny for you? '-New York
World.
"a man paid S. for barrel of apples.
He sold half of them for 50 so, and the
rest of them decayed on his hands. How
much did he lose?' asked the teacher.
He didn't lose nothin'," bawled out
farmers boy in the class; "he worked 'em
up into cider"
Oh, loves chain of wondrous might,
We find as on we jog
IWlil Tie up QeartS exceeding tlgnt-
But will not tie the dog.
"See that bright star J" cried little Mile,
who Vas on the piazza with sister Maud
and her young man. rs that Mars ?"
That's just like Millie,n said sister Maud,
apologetically. "she thinks that everything
is mas. "-Boston Trareler.
Tourist-"What is the name of that
mountain?" German patriot-"Dot vas
der Hoheilenzuffenschwa
ber." Touris.-"Excuse me; but l wish
also to learn the name of the castle on its
summit, and I'm afraid we haven't time
for both before we reach our landing
Judge.
When billiards gather near the pole
And sweep across the snow,
The grizzly hunts his snug warm hole,
And sleeps while cold winds blow.
But man, to meet the racing chill
For Jack Frost is Splinter
Stocks up with rum and quinine pill,
And keeps awake winter.
Nose Schaumberg-"Repecca, you must
not walk so close by de edge of dot Yater.n
Rebecca-'I will walk we're blease.n Mose
Schaumberg-"All right, Repecca, but
choost hand me:right away dot pocket book
NIT de monies, so dot it will be only case
Of mitigated affiiction, and not so much of
der heavy bereavement pishness.'
Says bould Barney Milligan
To Biddy McSniigan,
"Ouch, faith! it's mesilf would be loikin'
kiss"
Cries Biddy McSnilligan,
''Ye'd better be still agin,
Ofll not be endoorin' such tratement as this"
''Arrah dearest Biddy,
Be aisy, be stiddy,
Indade it no use to be actin like this;
Ouch scratch mans nose of,
= An tear all his clothes of,
It's deal Nv row to be gittin kiss ~
go way, Nj. Barney,
No more of your blarney,
Or instid Nv q kiss yell be gittin kick.
Ould red headed Barney
Yer wastin' your biarney,
Fur-here comes the missis Ach Barney be
Quick ~ Yankee Blade,