The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1890-10-19
MR.. AND MRS. BOW ER.
He Shows Her How to Manage
the Washing ExpeditiOusly.

the Washing ExpeditiOusly.
Mr.. Bowser came home the other day and
wanted the hammer for something. He
found it in the kitchen, where the girl had
been using it as poker for the range. Mr..
BOwser gave expression to his outraged
feelings. The girl replied with good deal
of spirit, and after supper she got her wages
and walked off. Had l been the cause of
her going, Mr.. Bowser would have Rad me
a lesson forty rods long AS he was the
cause of it, it was all right. He'd like to
see the hired girl who could run his house
while he lived = didn't propose to take
sass" from nybody-wished he had dis
charged her outright, etc.
All this happened on Monday Tuesday
is our washday. l didn't think of it until
after the girl had gone. Then l said to Mr.
BUwser:
You'll have to hunt round in the morn
ing and get me a washwoman. 1t would
have been better to let the girl stay 4 day
loDger."
Not minute longer!'
''But about the washing?"
'1'll find a woman, or do it myself"
After breakfast he took walk through
the locality where washwOmen abound, but
his quest was vain one. He came back to
tie house about 9 o'clock ana said:
Mrs. Bowser. L have decided to do the
washing myself"
you wash?'
81 will. I'll do it as a matter of principle.
l don't propose to have this house upset be-
cause one hired girl gets her back up and
quits"
Let the washing go and I'll find woman
to do it,"
Not by joyful! The washing will all
be on the line before nOOn,
''Mr. Bowser, you can't wash; you will
only rub the skin off your knuckles, lame
your back. and make great muss of it"
4 will. Ell? That's all you know about
it. Now, then, L don't want you to come
tooling around. Don't you show your head
in the basement Until the last rag is on the
line
Mr.. Bowser got into an old pair of pants
and vest, changed his boots for slippers,
and disappeared downstairs and at once
started fire. | knew what the result of his
efforts would be, and while he was at the
barn for wood | ran down aud rescued most
of the fine clothes. He didn't notice the
fact, and in a few minutes had the water
heating. He had seen clothes boiling. and
the water was no sooner hot than he filled
the boiler helter-skelter. l heard him at it,
and started downstairs to tell him that
clothes must be rubbed first.
go right back!' he yelled, as l struck
the first stair.
bul NOu are UdklIS great lliStaktb MI
BewSer. You shouldn't ="
II know my business, and you 60 back. If
l don't know more about washing IN one
minute than you do i'll week, I'll eat these
sheets and tableclothS."
He boiled the clothes about half an hour,
and then came up and rummaged around the
pantry. i suppose he had read of some sub
stance to put INTO the loiler to save rubbing,
but lie wasn't clear as to what 1t was. lie
therefore took half-pound can OF baking
powder and sfted it in to the last pinch L
heard him upstairs, and half suspecting
what he was after ran TO head him off, but
too late.
''Mr. Bowser." l called from the head of
the basement stairs. "are you putting that
salsoda into the bOiler?"
"Sal-nonsense! he growled in reply.
''When i don't know my business / will ap-
ply for inIormationp
Mr.. Bowser knew that the bluing was part
and parcel of the laundry business. He had
even seen a tub of blue water. At what
stage of the game this blue business came in
he didn't know and he was too obstinate to in
quire He took the clothes direct from the
boiler and sozzled them into tub of cold
water, and, not knowing how much of the
blue 20 use, he decided TO empty in the whole
bottle and be on the safe side. He had a
pretty fair quality of writing fluid when the
water was stirred up. AT this point l called
TO him:
Mr.. Bowser. how far along have you
got?"
Don't you worry about me, Mrs. Bowser,
Pll have the whole shooting-match on the
line in half an hour"
He put the washboard into the blue tub
and began to rub the clothes in the cold
water. He might have had faint suspicion
that something had been left off the pro-
gramme, but lie made up for it in energetic
rubbing He went wash! wash! washI for
about twenty minutes, and then there was
az awful Hopping and scattering, as If a
dozen ducks were playing in the water. He
was rinSing the clothes. BE wasn't five
minutes about it, and then he appeared in the
back yard with a basketful of clothes to hang
on the line. AT sight of him ! had to sit
down. The clothes were plum-blne, and
Mr.. BowSer was plum-hluer. THE great
and only tatOoed man" couldn't hold cand lie
TO him. just as he appeared in the yard a
farmers wife, who sells US eggs, opened the
gate and walked in.
Good Lor', but what is thisg' she ejacu-
lated. as she stood with open mouth.
RS only me" replied Mr.. Bowser; i've
been washing"
Washing whatp Why, man, you've
spoiled everything there, to the last dud! Is
your wife sick, dead or run off?
Aren't these clothes right"
''Man! man! but even a heather would
know betterl'
Just then one of Mr.. Bowser's downtown
friends drove through the alley in a buggy.
lie could see over the fence, and when he
saw Mr.. BOwser he pulled up his horse SO
quickly that the animal almost fell.
is that you, Bowser?" he called.
yves"
''Well, wha. in the name of past ages are
you doing?"
"Ob, n-nothng."
'Nothing I'll bet 10 to / you're fitting
yourself for museum freak. Say, old man,
you have hit it! Just file yonr teeth to a
point and you'll pass for genuine canni-
baly'
He drove on. and the egg woman backed
out of the gate and said:
I've been furnishing you three dozen a
week, and Eve never missed Tuesday, but
l give you notice that don't come no more.
1t would be taking chances. A man as is
light in the head may be all right one day
and VERY violent the next Love to your
excellent wife, and Pm sorry for her."
Mr.. Bowser entered the kitchen in three
jumps. | sat there laughing until l could
hardly breathe. He lowered above me like
mountain over mouse, aud after choking
and gaspipg for minute he roared out:
Mrs. Bowser, you have finally done it,
haven't you?'
what have done2"
'What have you done! Got me to do the
washing and give myself away for an in
fernal IDIOT! Look at me! Lcok at them
buds in the yard!'
''Mr. Bowser, didn't tell you not to try
it? Didn't do my best TO keep you from
trying it?"
No! Never! You encouraged me to go
aheadp
''Mr. Bowser"
Don't Mr.. Bowser me! This is the end !!
The worm turns! Wen settle matters this
very day"
But Mr.. Bowser is still with me, and 1
have no doubt that we shall live and die to-
gether.