Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-03-21
A Ouaker's Advice to a Lightning
Bug Soldier.

Bug Soldier.
Last week while the HERALD editor |
was absent in Denver, the Dispatch |
came out containing seven abusive |
articles devoted to US personally-six
short ones and one nearly a column
in length. Mack fights valiently
when the enemy is away off, though
we must admit that he has had two
hard hand to hand scrimmages-One
when his partner, Ira Kelley, thrashed
him; and the other, when he made
that gallant charge with his sword on
the lightning bugs. Well, well, Mack
has called us every hard name he can
think of, and applied to us all the ep-
ithets that his friend and chum, Mont
gomery, can invent, but the Spirit
moves our tranquil Quaker soul" not
to anger, but to have compassion on
him. The old soldiers have laughed
at him so much since 1t has come out
that he was only a hundred days man
and really saw no service, that we
now recommend that the boys stop
plaguing him. Everybody now
knows that the blood curdling stories
he used to tell about his exploits in
the front were ''McNay brags," but
they were harmless ones after all.
Mack has hid away his sword, taken
off his officers hat-cord and brass
buttons, and we think we can detect a
little less manifestation of peacock
strut IN that military stride with
which he used to paralyze the IN
sophisticated when they thought that
he had really been an old soldier IN
stead Of a ''Keokuk, Iowa, one hun
dred days man." who never saw an
armed rebel in his life.
James, in conclusion, the Spirit
moves u.s. to admonish thee: We have
advised the boys to forgive thee and
to stop the anticipated movement to
get up a petition demanding thy
resignation as Post Commander of
Phillipsburg Post, because of thy
trickery toward comrade j. NJ Sallee
whom thou treated very shabbily.
Thee will probably not appreciate our
kindness and may spurn our admoni-
tiOns, but our fatherly advice is to
quit right off from telling those mon
umental yarns which the prOfane
people call ''les" about thy military
service, and fOrebear from displaying
such turkey gobbler prOcliv1tles'
every time a drum beats or thou hear
the war mentioned. It was credit
able for thee to enlist as a little boy
of ID, and help on the Union cause in
Camp Keokuk, but it is not so much
to thy honor to yarn so about it and
to try to crowd myself into positions
and prominence over old veteran sol
diers who did endure hardships II
the front Deplete thy bump of egot
ism, brother. read the HERALD anC
heed its advice, and thou may yet es
tablish reputation for truth anC
veracity in the neighborhood in which
thou livest. Thou denies that the ed
ltor of the HERALD is a Quaker. ThoU
art mistaken James. for both we anC
thee were Quaker soldiers" we do
ing our fighting in Camp Chase, Ohio
and thee doing thine in Keokuk, Iowa
We both used Quaker guns, the,
knows. Yes we were both Quake
soldiers, James, and the real oil,
fighting soldiers laugh at Quake
soldiers who try to pass themselve
off for old veterans. Unless the
still persists in discussing militar
matters, James, we bid thee Farewell,
P. S. Now James quit yarnini
about thy soldier exploits or thee vii
have the people laughing at all Qua
ker soldiers as heartily as they ar
laughing at thee.