The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-03
Shorty.

Jim Duncan's familiars called him shorty, y
and he deserved the nickname on two accounts
He was short Of stature and was also short OF
cash-in general way, relates the Pittsbure
Dispatch. His people were ''wellto-do," and
kept him decenuy dressed, and as he was q
jolly good fellow, with q fair education and q
keen wiz, he had many frieuds, as well as nu-
merous hearty enemies. The humor n his wit
amused those who we've not its butts, il angered
thoSe.who were.
Jim could never be kept at work in the lines
which those who were interested in him pro
uced. he was brought up in large village oil
one OF the Middle states, and at various times
attempts were made to make OF him a dry
goods merchant, hotel keeper or lawyer by the
usual process clerking In a store. taking the
night watch behind tavern counter, reading
elementary law books in lawyers musty den,
etc But all failed: Jim neglected his duties for
the more genial pursuits of fishing, rabbit hunt
ing. swimming and ball playing But he dis
played great fondness and aptitude for mschan-
ism, so far as il could be learned in a horse
shoer's shop, and be frequently assisted a
friendly blacksmith by striking" for him with
q big sledge hammer wnen the blacksmith 5
regular helper was absent or OF herWise engaged.
Jim always held, however, that his dislike to
the small details of q small business arose from
the fact that hs was calculated to bore with a
big auger.' At any rate, he wore threadoare
the patience Of all who attempted TO make a
merchant, hotel keeper or lawyer Of him. and
eventually became proverbial as neer-do-
well.
Jim grew up IN the village VIII gIl VINO
was very fond of him, as ne was of her SIZE
was the youngest daughter Of the richest man
in the place. man who had sold dry goods at
retail in that village, boy and man. for fifty years,
aud besides his dry goods store aud numerous
holding in the village bank. he owned an excel
lent farm near by, and was president of the
village bank. OF course he was violently Op-
posed to Jim's attentions to his pretty daughter
Sue, and the young ladys old maid sisters and
prIm mamma were in a chronic state of yIta-
tion supernduced by the same cause. Jim took
Sue behind him on his saddle horse one even
ing, and they rode away unknown to all others
in the village, and were married by squire in
a ne ghboring village, who had performed this
excellent Office for so many other fugitive
couples that his village had become famous, in
four adjoining states, as a sort of Gretna Green
When Jim aud Sue returned to Their home
and Jim complacently told what they had done
CONSERVATION prevailed extensively In both
families, while outsiders chuckled and meta
phorcally patted 1.-The high contracting
parties on the back. Sues father was irrecon-
cllable in the premises, and the polar GOODNESS
with which Sue was received by JIm's people
fortunately aroused Jims indignation. He de-
cided to go west and do something, if it was
nothing more than to grow up with the country.
He negotiated a small loan and Jim and Sue
were shortly in a carbonate camp.
1t is not necessary to this history TO tell how
Jim quickly developed his ability to bore with
big auger" Fortune favored him in obtain
ing the opportunity, aud in an incredibly short
space of time he was an important factor in a
great silver mining syndicate. The news of his
success reached his native village, first as a
rumor, finally as a settled fact, and proportion
ately as the information took solid shape. let
tiers from the two families, which began to go
TO Jim and Sue upon the first informa-
ton concerning his success. grew in
warmth as the Information increased in relia-
,Ptlity. The rich old merchant banker-f armer
became excessively affectionste and yearned
for Jim and Sue to return and receive the best
and freshest blessings In the home market Jim
was very busy, but he TOOK time to write a very
expressive, though brief and not altogether es-
giant, letter. It read:
Respected parents, on both sides and all others
whom it may concern:
have neither time nor inclination for episto.
larry elaboration. Got the eartn in a sung
Yours, SHORTY,