The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-10-03

after Explorer Stanley. This IL q dog
gone good compliment Peoria 7s'aR-
script.
The youth who wakes up fresh as
y daisy is likely 10 go 10 bed tired II
he keeps up his freshness all day
Rack.
Honesty 10 the beat policy. That
seems to be the principal reason why
some people are honest. too. Sonief-
vfils Journal.
Elsie Ibid you know papa well be-
fore yon married him, mamma p
Mother (sadly No, dear. I didn't
Harvard LdmpooR.
Don't spend your money for beer In
n vain endeavur to keep cool. Let
some other fellow buy Il for you. -
Isrre HdHfe Express.
A writer says: There are some
things a woman doesn't know There
may be. but no man can tell her what
they are. ~ " Ledger.
But. Mrs. Brown, there are flies
baked in this cakep" 20. II you please,
ma'an, the most Of what You see are
faisins. ~ FitegeRdc Batter.
Whenever you lind man who il A
failure. yon will lind also patient lit
tie woman who makes his excuses to
the world. .-4tehiSon Globe.
Miss Eugenne-"Where did Won saw
You resided In Newport County,
Sonnt-'h Right on the bluff, Miss Eu-
genne. on the bluH. " The Arend.
II is an old military axiom that
Money wins the battie.n is It In har-
mony with this idea that so many
banks are rifled?- Philadelphia Press.
Little Boy-"Pa, what is a trunk
railroadpN Father" Well, NV son.
expect the railroad that goes 10
Saratoga is trunk line. VI 7e1as Sitl-
iags.
Inquiring Boy-..Pa. what's a mis-
nomeren Father-sO, it's calling the
fastest vessel afioat after Philadelphia.
Now go and play my son. ~ r
Ts16atie.
She Cat the poultry farm1-..Just
see what convention Of hens.n He
Yes. convention composed en-
tirely Of lay delegates. ~ Burlington
Free Press.
Thought you were tending bar.
Jack? s'Was-been fired.n What
forg" Couldn't raise 10 cents worth
OF foam on one cents worth of beer
---AShldfsd Press.
Snodgrass-. I'd like TO pay that bin,
but can't jnst now. You must give
me time.n Creditor-"I don't mind
giving You time. but you seem TO want
eternity. n-Lire.
Visitor Cat lunatic asyluml-.I see
you give your patients amateur photo
graph outfits TO amuse them. Super
intendent-''No; they bring them with
them. ~ y. Weekly.
For life by your side. my darling.
l would give up everything possess
parents, position, wealth-all." J" But
IN that case what would there be left
for mesn-Faiegessde Biatter.
He hasn't much go Mercy. mol
he hung on at our house last night nn-
til after 12 o'clock. Then pa put out
the light and turned to ChoilIe and
said: 'Nextr ~ Y Herald.
Il Is good thing for man TO have
friends II it were not for your
friends You would never be aware OF
the many times you have made a fool
OF yourself.-7e 7eFre Hastts Express.
Il ann sober and steady. was ten
years in my last place and live in the
one before that" But where was
the last place you worked I'm the
Sta-e's prison. W. Philadelphia Times.
Maria. how many beers have /
had?n Six What, six alreadys
You actually terrify me. However.
suppose you bring me another to take
away my fright. Fyiegendc Bla,ter
Little Girl (during 4 thunder-storm)
do they have music in
Yes. my dear" Little
/ guess Wagner must be
leading the orehesiia. ~. y. Weekly. |
Beggs wouler why Mrs. Jaggs
won't let her husband employ female |
typewriter operator?" Foggs-' Don't |
yoa know? She was his former type
writer operator herself. AunSeg's |
Weekly
When ! asked her to marry she be-
gan 10 shrink like-like flannel Shirt
That's an odd comparison: what do
You mean?n just what | say. She
got up around my neck. .n-TShitsslel-
lShtd Tim :.
The banditti. Henrietta. were high
waymen- Ia this country baud ditties
ire played by highwaymen. Germans
chiefly. who may be musicians at heart
ont never so anywhere else.-M T.
Commercial
And you call that young Scrapesy
musieian29 SO he is. aud "A good
one- We'll, for musician he keeps
bad time. He didn't come
u this morning until near o'clock
Philadelphia Times.
Didn't veg phromise
ne tn p'sition av dog-drowner If
yez?@ Alderman O'Fenelly
-Oi did not" .Hivin
bless tn phunograph! Listen t tn
yez said. ."-Jndge
Benevolent-..w Well. Fritz, vou 30,
whipped in school to-dayP" Yes. but
{ did not hurt" but YOU certainly
laye been eryingP' 20. wanted to
ct the teacher have little pleasure
'ut of it. F2iege,sde Blatter.
Robinson-"They say that hiccoueh-
ng caused by drinking can be stopped
y putting lump of ice in each ear"
Nentman-''But, then. how do you
top the earaches?" Robinson Take |
mother drink. ."-AmeT-ican Grocer.
Permit me. madam. to present YOU
With this" 20. sir. but I really can
lot accept anything of value from
on. Pardon me- but it is only a
olnme of my poems. n--.Ol | can ac.
ept it without hesitation-"-Ph Philadet-
hid Times
Wickwire-.Now you have graduat- ,
d, l suppose you feel ready to earn !
our own living?n Young Potts. !
Earn my living? If can't get liv- !
ng without earning it | might just as
yell have staid out of college. ."-Terre :
ldste Express.
Marriage is indeed lottery" sigh
Il Tomnoddy. after n tiff xy;tb b;s :