The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1890-06-04
PlTH AND POINT. !

"Every dog has his day, Cynicus.'
"And every crank has his turn. ."-Neu
York Sun.
It improves your memory to lend
friend S., but 1t destroys the memory OF
your friend.-Picayune.
The course of true love never did run
smooth, and it would not be half the fun
if it did.-Elmira Free Press.
Cholly Peachblow-"Ow! I say, bah'
bah, that razor pulls" Barber (coni
temptuously)-"Pulls what2"-Ne,0 Yorl
Sun.
The incandescent electric lights have
bad habit; they want to 60 out too of!
ten during business hours.-New Yora
News.
At 10 o'clock-George-"Well, I del
clare, Sally, the fire has gone out!' Sally
-"Well, George, you may go after it.7
Light.
She-'You tell your sister meant to
write her note, but didn't" He
"Thanks. She'll be glad to hear IT,
West Shore.
Briggs-"I did not see you at church
last Sunday" Braggs-"No; didn't
get in until you had gone to sleep."->
I'erre Haute Errress.
care these handkerchiefs all pure
linen?" Salesman-"Yes, on my hon.
or" $50 I see; half cotton, suppose
then. n."-Fliegende Blaetter.
"Always pay cash as you go. Thati
my principle" said Secdle. "Hump!
That accounts for your slowness, I pre-
sume," remarked friend.-Munsey's.
s'Icome," the lecturer began.
And then came gentle cough,
For in the audience man
Irreverently said: Come off"
-New York Herald.
The Conductor Ito train robbers)7
sBoys, there's no money in this job,
the Pullman porter has just jumped of
the train and escaped. ."-Scribner's Mag
azine.
Proprietor (irmly)-"Your account
Mr.. Weeks, has now been running fol
six months" Weeks (blandly)-"Well,
suppose we let it rest for year or twoH
-Mercury.
"And now, Professor, what do you
think of my. voice7" "Well, it all de'
pends. You haven't told me yet. Dd
you intend becoming an auctioneer or
uckster9"-Pdilcdelphia Times.
Ganin Ito street peddler)-"say, mis-
ter, are you really blind2" Pcddler-.
mo; sell these cough drops for my
blind brother, who stays around the cor
ner to look out for cops. ."-Society.
"3i5lcurre, why don't you stop drink
ing!" II have often tried to, but i
seems I can't" 90, pshaw! All it rel
ouires is strong will power" "Well, il
requires strong water power, too, and tina,
haven't got. .'-Neo York Herald.
Sec how small investments pay. A
man, poor but enterprising. paid S6 for
revolver. That same evening he earned
$1,000 by simply pointing his S. revolver
at a man who happened to have the
amount specified in his inside pocket
Annsey's.
Mrs. Oallcr-t'Theres horrld DOG
running across your garden" Mrs. At.
home-''It's our puppy, Jack. We hire
one of the neighbors' boys to tic wet
sponge on his tail and chase him an hour
every day. 1t waters the garden nicely"
FRANK Leslie's.
"Confound it, anyhow" said ths
motber-in-law joke when the Angel Ga
bricl blew his horn. "This is the seven,
teen million, five hundred and twenty'
one thousand, four hundred and sixty
seventh time have been rcsurrected.
Washington Post.
Old Grump Ito his son)-"No, i shanf
give you fifty dollars or fifty cents! In
stead of wasting your money for nothing
you ought to keep it to pay your debts
Young Grump-"Wasting 1t for moth
ing! Why, what do I get back for it,
father, when pay debt2"-7eras ssfS
ings.
This is tie happy time Of year wheu
the tenant asks for new roof, larger
cellar, hundred dollars worth of WALL
Dapcr. a more commodious kitchen range,
an acre more of ground aad dining
room extension, in the hope of getting
reduction of five dollars month on hit
rcnt.-Puck.
$50 that fellow Brown married the
popular Miss Jones and sh, had dozen
better men at her feet?" "Ycs, and h'
calls her IF pluribus unum.' " II
pluribus unum?' What does he mean BY
that" "Won from many. Brown is
great Latin scholar, don't you know.
Washington Star.