The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-10-24

|
Made From Its Really Leafs.
Can be curablc for the sickness of
Male, Ferenle OR Boy.
| Dizzy.-Use to put or wipe few drops on the
| forehead, bothsides under eye brows, nosehoies,
| and bothsides the back Of cars
Fever.-Wipe on the forehead, and noseholes.
Fit.-Wipe most Of the noseholcs, and drink a
| few drops mixed with tea.
Giddy.-Wipc bothsides of forehead, and nose
| holes.
Govt or Goutswollcn.-Wipe bothsides Of
| forehead, noseholes and much to the breast.
Headache.-Wipc on tho forehead and nose
holes. Believe us.
CIoY THooNG SUNG,
Tal-pin Cate outside Brass Smith Road
Our American newspapers abound in
| advertisements of such odd and ingeni-
GUS varieties that one is at a loss which
to select as examples of the most origi-
nal. Moro amusement is afforded by
tho column devoted to wants." per-
haps, than any other department, since
few of these occasional advertisers seem
to have much knowledge of grammar
and punctuation, and, therefore, unless
corrected by the printer, their announce
ments arc apt to appear in guise alto
gcthcr foreign to the real meaning Of
the writer.
A Boston Clergyman, in hastily
written advertisement, asks for "a
young man to tako caro- of span of
horses Of religious turn of mind;" and
another person wants "a nurse in a
small gcntloman's family" A Texas
man applies for Boss hand over five
thousand sheep that can speak Spanish
fluently."
But such advertisements are innumer-
ablo and really, in the opinion of the
writer, not half so interesting as is tho
grim humor displayed in such as this,
in tho Pine Tree State:
"Such as buy tombstones of US look with
pride and satisfaction upon tho graves Of their
friends"
Or this from an Illinois undertaken:
can elegant stock of neat and nobby shrouds,
warranted to give satisfaction to the most par
ticular."
The chief requisites for successful
collector of bad debts in a certain South
crn State is amusingly illustrated by
the following, which is a genuine adver-
tiSment:
tempered, beput off and not to be- backed
down young man, to collect for us; must fur
nish his own horse, saddle-bags. pistols, bowie
knife and cowhidc. Wcwill furnish the accounts
To such person VIC promise constant and la
borious employment"
A New York auctioncer advertises as
follows:
For sale-A large quantity of oil paintings
by some OF the most ancient masters of the
day."
The virtue Of brevity, if not OF clear
ness, is attained in this:
Two sisters want washing"
Hero is our honest liquor dealer, who
advertises as follows:
For sale, a lot OF whisky, of not very good
quality but as good as the average that is sold
about town"
The modern use Of the word LADY"
on all occasions is evinced by this bona
tide want" which appeared short
time ago in Boston daily:
Wantcd-By lady to do kitchen work in q
saloon. Address Dclier, 9 Mclean ct.
A column might be easily filed with
the most amusing matrimonial ads, but
the following is beyond doubt the most
unique ono Of that character ever
printed
"A young gentleman, on the point of getting
married. is DESTROYS of meeting man of expcr
fence who will dissuadc him from such q STEP
| Address etc"
Few advertisers display more vivid
| imagination than q certain class of real
estate dealers. George Robins, fam
GUS pioneer in this line, had so poetic a
pen as to imbue the most prosaic piece
Of J., oh g
disc. On ono occasion he dwelt at length
upon certain hanging wood" con-
nected with an estate which he desired
to sell, which the astonished purchaser
discovered was nothing moro or less
than an old gallows! Again, after a
lengthy rhapsody ever q veritable
! Eden, for sale cheap, he concluded:
''But there are two drawbacks to this
beautiful property-the litter of tho
rose leaves and tho noise of the night
ingales." Surely the art of artistic
puffery could no further go.
An unusually short-sighted editor
oncc printed this notice:
81 will take good dog in payment for one
years subscription"
Tho next day forty-three dogs were
sent to tho office. The day afterwards.
whom the news had spread out into the
country, four hundred farmers sent two
dogs apiece by express, with eight bas-
kets of puppies, all marked c. o. d.
Tho offer found its way into neighbor-
| ing States, and before the end Of the
week there were eight hundred dogs,
tied with ropes, in the editors front and
back yards. His paper was not pub
lished for six days, and the Government
tax amounted to $500. AS an illustra-
ton of the value of advertising the
above story is only equaled by the fact
that while compositor on the Montreal
Witness was setting up an advertise.
mont for a lost canary, the bird itself
| flew in at the Office window!-Charlea
T. Adams, in Detroit Free Press.
-Tcacher-'What are houses built
for?' Tommy (whose father is q real.
| estate agentl-''For rent"