The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-11-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Louise CHunuttT 4houttOhs th Stht" y
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A magazine article cle-Gunpowder.
A finger wring-The thumb-screw.
Fowls share at least one attribute Of
mankind-The good die young.
Summer brings leave of absence, but
autumn brings absence Of leaves.
1t looks funny, but sinking fund is
the means of raising debt.-BoSso'e
Gazette.
The mosquito is a desperately wicked
creature. 1t never rests till it gets 'be-
hind the bars. "-Puek.
Why is Pennsylvania like good SOL
dier9 Because it is well drilled, Of course.
-B5ston Commercial Bull5tm.
Never call man another unless you
know what you are talking about, and
be careful then. n.-Nel0 York. World.
If you'd have me
And I'd have you
Why you'd be won
And I'd be, too.
-Ne,0 YorI; Herald.
Lady Ito applicant for place)--"Are
YOU plain cooS2" Applicant-"Well,
spose cud be purifier. .'-BingSamto@
Leader.
A mountain side makes the best pas
ture for young COWS, because climbing
tends to strengthed the calves.-Boston
Journal.
When fly alights on your hand you
can't tell whether he is sitting or stand
ing. But it is different thing with a
bee.-StatesmdR
He (reading)-"Then their lips met,
and" She Gnterrupting)-"Was it
protracted meeting, l wonder!'-Bur-
hngton Fee Press.
Magistrate-"Were you prisint whin
the assault was committed on Yel" Wit
ness-"May it please the Coort, had
jist got there. "-Haper'S Basar.
Edwin-"And you'll always be true
to me, Angelina2' Augelina-"Why do
you doubt me, Edwin2" Edwin-"Oh,
you're too good to be true. Lie.
Cobwigger-"Why does a woman have
her pocket where it's so hard to get at
it2" Merritt-"So that she can stick
her friend for the car fare. Epoch.
Billy-'So you have returned from
your bridal tour. What did you see on
your trip that pleased you most9"
John-"My wife. Toronto Empire.
Although she's fast, and smokes all day,
Men look on her with proud emotion;
Admired by all she makes her way
The steamer called "the Queen of ocean,
Puck.
When man is caught he owns Up and
says the woman did it. When a woman
is caught sho swears it is not so, and
cries to corroborate her oath.-Nati0RaI
Weekly.
"What are your potatoes, Mr.. Scales3"
"Thirty-fve cents a peck" "They are
only thirty at Mr. Bushels" "Why
don't you buy some there" "He hasn't
any. ."-NeO York Sun.
cleft your purse at home Ell! Well,
l can't lend you ten dollars, but can put
you in the way of getting it at once.
Here's a nickel. Take car home and
get your purse. "-C Chatter.
Simmons-"That is rather peculiar
stone you are wearing, Timmons. Must
be something rare, is it notl" TImmins
VERY rare stone, indeed, my boy.
That is an 1890 peach stone. ."-IadiaIs-
dp0iiS Journal.
Stage Manager-''Mr. Heavy, you will
take the part OF, Alonzo.' Mr.. Heavy
al have never seen this play. Do YOU
think can please the audience in that
partl" Stage Manager Immensely.
You die in the first act. ."-Ne0 Yorb
Weekly.
"What a queer name you have, Miss
Booglespeege he said, alter he had
asked her once or twice to pronounce it
for him. "Well," she responded, with
just the sweetest smile, ''you know what
you can do with that name, Mr.. Smith"
- Washington Star.
GLOW human that instrument isl" re-
marked Gale at the amateur musicale.
"Do you notice how it throbs and sighs2
Its strains'--"You're right it does"
assented Jack Pott, rs he watched a
muscular young woman pound the keys
out of shape. ats wonder to me it
doesn't burst blood-yesselm m-Dry
Goods Chronicle
Old Lady Cat Tampa Bay) - ''My
daughters want to go sailing. Can you
swimi" Yacht skippcr-'No mum"
Old Lady" My goodness What
could you do if anything should happeu"
Yacht Skipper-"Plcase, mum, when
the man wot does the sailin' can't swim
he's mighty keertul not to let anything
happen. - G00R AC,rs
A dop WAS horLirt, ,t the ,,,oo,, y-Har,
a sage inquired why he aid so, adding
that he could not possibly affect the great
luminary one way or the other, and that
Il seemed useless waste OF energy, "Oh,
it isn't that it makes any difference with
the moon, replied tho canine; "but
want the other dogs in this neighborhood
I to know that am not dead. Moral
| We never know that some men have been
/ buried until we miss tleiI blus.er --Ds.
ll,4lL h5ss I5ess