Sacramento daily record-union., 1890-07-27
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

$50 your mother-in-law has Joined the
silent majority?" ayes, but it amt silent
now, you may bet, since she's there."-
Sytings.
Chicagoan-'This is my home; beauti-
full, isn't it? Built it with the products OF
my pen." Visitor-"Then you are a
writer !" Chicagoan-"No, indeed; l am
a pork merchant"
Little Isaac-"Popper. vot for you have
dose three balls ofer der frondt door ?''
Lowenstein-"Oh, dot vas for der benefit
of dose who couldn't read it shows vot
my inderest is efery month"
The most graceful of the domestic ami
mails is the cat, while the most awkward
bird is the duck; but it won't do to use
these facts for basis if you want to call a
woman pet names.-Ie'ra Haute Express.
"Come, come, don't be fool, my dear"
said the husband, during a domestic
breeze. 'Didn't marriage make you and
me one ?" she asked. "Of course it did"
'How can l help being a fool, then ?''-
Summit (N. J.) Record.
Mrs. Grubbs Gin the kitchen, 6 A. Ny
"Dear me! The fire is out and no wood
cut; no coal up, either. Pm not going to
built it. Susiep' Little daughter-"Yes,
ma" Mrs. Grubbs-"Go wake your father
and tell him breakfast is ready."-LJe.
Mrs. Maginty-"Begorra, Moike, thin
bears Is foine animals wisht Oh had the
skin av one av Thin" Maginty-"Arrah,
phat would you be doin' wild bear skin
if yez had wan?" Mrs. Maginty-"Shure,
Old make me a buffalo robe wild it,
Bostonidn
Miss Vasser-"Don't you think Miss
Springlove is charming poetess?' Uncle
Solomon-"Oh, yes, very sweet poetess,
and her cousin, Miss Chalmers, is charm
ing painteress, and her aunt Lucrece is an
excellent sculptoress, and her mother used
to be an excellent dishwasheress, and ="
Life.
An 1rishman and a Yankee were in
bathing. In the distance flock of ducks
were sporting on the water Yankee
"Pat, let's take a duck" Irishman (start-
ing hastily for the shore )-"No, Oi'll not,
OTll jest lave We to yerself Oh tot Oh
was swimmin wild gentlemen-not a
chicken thayfew
A correspondent from up the country
writes that he has often observed the ex-
preston, "a knot of people," and he is
anxious to know about how many people
go to make a knot. The term is by no
means arbitrary. A dozen persons may be
regarded as knot, and then again two
well-disposed people and a minister can
make the most beautiful of knots-Binq-
hamton Leader.
Rich Banker-"So you have no real es-
tate; you are neither a plumber nor an
iceman, and yet you dare ask me for the
hand of my only child. Whence comes
your presumption Poor but proud Suitor
II have been elected Representative for
Seaquash!' p "Well, what of that ?" There
are sixteen elevated railroad bills for Bos-
ton before the Legislature, and" "Take
her, my son, take her, and when you buy
out Vanderbilt don't look down upon her
poor father."-Bostonian
Mrs. Moriarity-" Sure, it's Just her
luck Did you hear av that, now, Tim ?"
Tim-"What is it, mother ?" Mrs. M
"What is it? Faix, Mrs. Brannigan got
five thousand from the road for her b'y's
leg. All, then, it's the fine airs she'll be
putin on now" "Nivir moind.
mother; we'll bate that, begor. Pll get
the two taken aft, and that1 be tin thou
sand" Mrs. NJ. "Blessins on yez,
darlint. It's always the good by You was
to help your poor ould MOTHER Boston
Courier.
''Ha, Ha," cried officer Mulhollan ex-
ultingly, rushing upon four unsuspecting
tramps who were bathing their tired limbs
in park pond. "Begorras, Olive got yez
fellys at lasht in swimmin' on Sunday.
Kim on wild yez!" "My good man." said
one of the tramps, shave you no respect
for the church, that you act SO? ?" "The
church Fwhat's thot to do wild the loikes
o yez?" "a great deal," replied the
tramp, piously folding his hands "This
is baptism, and the minister has just
stepped up to the nearest farmhouse to
borrow a prayer book. ok.'-Larrence Ameri-
can.