Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-17
WORK OF THE WITS.

SOMETHING to be studded-a shirt
front.
A PIN is like man. 1t is useless
when it loses its head
No ONE wants to put out woman
who blazes with diamonds.
A woMAN's beauty may be "all in
her eye, but it is there just the same
WARFARE has its romance; even the
din OF battle has a sort of an engage
ment ring.
IT Is always safe to learn, even from
our manifestation safe to instruct,
even our friends.
"DoEs it pay to striker" asks an ex-
change. Generally it does not, especi-
ally if the other fellow is the bigger
man of the two.
MRS. S.-Have We everything out of
the house now? Mr.. S.-Everythine
but the children. You know the land
lord won't allow them in the new house.
SHOE factory foreman lin thunder
tones)-What's the matter there? Did
you slit that leather wrong ?-Oper-
ative (humbly)-N-o, only cut off my
fingers.
BEFORE the Venus of Milo Smith
ers (reading Hands off," The
poor idiots Do they think any one
could look at that statue and not know
the hands were off +?
"TM bright. I'm sharp" exclaimed
the counterfeiter when he stood up for
sentence. "Yes, you're guilt-edged,
observed the Judge, prior to giving him
twenty years for reflection.
O'FLYNN (reading death notice.
Poor Jim! 1t says he left q wife and
two children. Mrs. O'Flynn-Och, ye
might know that. He was too mean to
iver take thin anywhere wild him.
ELDERLY Widower - Mrs. Little, 1
have just one question to ask you. Will
you marry me? Elderly Widow-Mr.
Biggs, have just one question to ask
before 1 can answer. Do you snore?
"FINE night" said Smith to Jones as
they came out of the club. "Yes,"
answered Jones as the clock began
striking the hour of IL, at is fine
night, but | expect it will storm when
get home"
.MATTIE-Dot, what is zebra? Dot
(who has been looking into natural his
tory for the last hour)-A zebwa?
Why, Matte, it's nothing but funny
little horse that wears stwiped stock
ings all over--clear up to his ears.
PApA-It no use talking, Emma;
these Sunday evening meetings have
got to be shortened Ny latest gas bill
was enormous. Emma-It's not my
fault. 1t wouldn't be half as big if
mamma didn't come into the parlor SO
often
"TELL me, Charley" said young Mrs.
Tucker to her husband, "is that man a
cannibal?" Certainly not. What
makes you ask such question ?" "Be-
cause heard him say just now that he
was going around the corner and swal-
low two fingers"
NO." SAID Gus De Jay, 81 don't care
much foh these temperance people, you
know, but should nevah think of put
ting an enemy into my mouth to steal
away my brains" and if you did,"
said friend of his, "it would be good
joke on the enemy"
LADY Tin tax office with diminutive
pug)-I understand that dogs have to
beregistered? ? Tax clerk Yes, madam;
one dollar. Mrs. O'Flannigan with
big BULLDOG mum, he's cheat
in av We. He only charged me wan dol
lar fur this big, foine animal.
PHILOSOPHER tat the theater)-It is
most remarkable to me how that hero
and heroine can act so wildly, like
truly imprisoned lovers. Theater
habitue-Off the stage those two are
man and wife. Philosopher-Yes, it's
remarkable-very remarkable.
THE TELEGRANI's REToRT.
On table two messages lay side by side
Each bound on a different way.
"I'm going abroad" the Cablegram cried,
Perhaps I'll meet prlnces to-day.
I'm sorry for you and your commonplace task,
But, then, you're not clever nor bright
No wonder in royalty's smile may bask
always come forth with the light"
"Although," said the Telegram, part of that's
true,
OF boasting, my friend, have a care;
No matter how royalty smiles upon you,
You're only fash affair"