The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-12-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

Men who have horse sense know
when to say neigh.-Boston Gazette.
The somerset-man at the circus seems
to live by jumping his board.-Etnaira
Gazette.
You are bound to hate the man who
knows you are a liar.-NeaO Orleans
Pcdyuae.
A great barcarole-That the dog
plays when baying the moon at night.
Boston Herald.
Deaf and dumb people are generally
musical; it is rare to find one that can
not play the symbols. r. Binghanatoa
Republican.
Poet-"I sent you some verses this
morning" Editor-"All right. Ill
see that you get them back right away"
IN. Z. World.
There are few men who can live
without an income, and perhaps fewer
still that can live within one.-Biug-
hdnaton Leader.
A lover differs from some medical
prescriptions in that he cannot very
well be shaken before he is TAKEN
Biasghamtom Leader.
Miss De Muir-"Papa always gives
me book as a birthday gift" Miss
De Meanor-"What fine library you
must havew.Lite.
She-''What's poacher, Jack?"
He-''A fellow who steals the game. !"
She-"Why, you told me that was an
umpire. THE Jester.
1t is generally supposed that it was
due TO the fact that Absalom wore his
hair la Fauntleroy that he died so
young.-M Y Commercial.
Philanthropist-'I suppose this lazi-
ness is bred in you fellows" Tramp
Not by durn sight. I'm as empty
as vacuum. IN Y Herald
He-"What do you call that dressp"
She Gin aesthetic gown -"ThisP o,
this is liberty" He-''Well, if that's
liberty, give me death. Harper's Ba-
zdr.
Youngly-''How did you come to
know that you were in love with me.
dearie?" Debutante (blushingly)-'I
felt that was an awful fool. IN. Y.
Sa1aa
That fellow, with his predictions,
reminds me of a Roman augur." He
hits the. facts so oftenp" No, he's
such a terrible bore" Philadelphia
Times.
Clergyman-'Your sins will find you
out" Reprobate-'I wish they would.
The trouble just now is that they find
me in when they call on me. IN Y.
Herald.
when were you born. Prof. Great
head?" 1.-The 18th day of May, 1882
or '33-I am not sure; but you will
find it in the encyclopaedia. File
geasde Blaetter.
Humorist-"My output of jokes is
now a hundred week" Friend
'.And what of the returns?" About
ninety" ''Dollars?" No; jokes. y
Harper's Bazar.
''Why is she so cool toward you?"
''Well, you see she was my summer
girl. She couldn't change to an au-
tumn girl without cooling off little. :"
N Y. Herald.
''I'ime is money, my boy. Remem-
ber that" II think there must be
some mistake about that. father. It's
so hard to pass in some localities. y
Harper's Bazaar.
The time passed very pleasantly in
the parlor, and it was not till the clock
and the neighboring bells struck one
that the lateness of the hour struck
two.-Bostop Beacon.
A scandalmonger is a person who
talks to our neighbors about us. An
entertaining talker is a person who
tells us mean stories about our neigh
bors.-Munsey'S Weekly.
He-"How would you like to spend
the honeymoon in Lapland?" Shell
wouldn't like to. That's where we
passed the most of courtship, you
know" w."-Bostons Herald.
Your account has been standing a
long time. Mr.. Dukey." Then give
it a seat, my dear Shears" Very
glad to. sir; shall we make it a re-
ceiptp" Clotbier and Furnisher.
$50 you want to leave me, Greteh-
enp I am very sorry; but, of course,
if you think you can do better -
That's not so at all, marin; I'm going
to be married. Fliegende BLaetter.
Miss Anglo-"C Children in Americ a
do not appear to pay the proper
amount of respect to age" Miss
Gotham-''And suppose that annoys
you very much. .'-Boston Transcript.
Surgeon (after the railroad accident
to wounded passenger)-.Where are
you hurt, sirP" Passenger-'How do
you expect me to knowP Pm one of
officers of the company."-M Y. San.
There is something crooked about
the law of retribution. 1t isn't the
woman just in front with the big hat
who gets her foot stepped on when the
man goes in pursuit of cloves. Wash
sngtoss Post.
Boggs-"That was a very restful
sermon this morning." Trotter =
.Restful? Why, was nearly tired to
death. 1t was fully an hour long"
Boggs-'.That just it. slept through
it all."-M. y. Herald
Lawyer Hubble-"The Fifth National
has failed and l have been victimized!"
Old Fobbs-''R Really! The news must
have quite upset YOU" Lawyer Hub
ble-''No, was not upset, but I lost
my balance.-Racket.
LET me illustrate the difference be-
tween capital and labor" said the rich
uncle to the impeunious nephew. "Sup-
pose gave you 500. and That's
eapital!' replied the nephew, extend
ing his hand for the money.-Bostoa-
ian.
Prof. Strabismus-"Now, young gen.
tlemen, you have heard brief account
of the condition of trade in this coun-
try. What is our most pressing needP
Mr.. Bloxem. you may answer" Mr..
Bloxem-"A really good five-cent ci-
gar" Epoch.
Miss Rosebud Cat her first race)-
"And who did you say that gentleman
in the sack suit WASP" Mr.. Straightip
10, that is S.. the bookmaker." !"
Miss Rosebud enthusiastically )-"Do
bring him up and introduce him. You
know dote upon authors. rs."-Brooklyrs
Life.
First Wife-"And so you have been
married twenty yearsP Really. you
must excuse me for asking, but does
your husband still kiss you every dayp'
Second Wife (proudly) Yes. always.
My Tom is one of the most eonscien-
tiouS men / ever knew. SonseypiLZe