Sacramento daily record-union., 1890-04-13
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

| Odd, isn't 1t, that among the German
and colored BARRIERS there are no Clan-na-
| Gael men though they are all head scent
ers?
What is there absurd in the idea of
camePs going through the eye of needle
There is no other animal could SO hump
himself.
The young white woman who married
Sioux Chief year or two ago, is said to
be reasonably happy. She has become ac-
customed to Lo society.
With just enough the father was content;
The son determined that he would be richer
II possible SO he to college went
And now he is a famous baseball pitcher.
philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Gazzam-'Who was the gentleman
who sat in our pew to-day? | heard him
tell you that he didn't like short meter
hymns" Gazzam-"That was Mr.. Lux,
the President of the gas Company
4Munseys Weekly.
Mrs. Gazzam-"Tm sorry to say that l
can't break my husband of the habit of
using his toothpick at table" Mrs. Laker
(of Chicago)-'I have no trouble of that
kind. My husband never uses tooth
pick. He takes k."-Lile.
Mrs. McInty-"An' phat did tn doc
ther soy was th' matter wild y'r eye,
Patsy" Small son-"He say.ed thur was
some foreign substance in it," Mrs Nc
Inty with an 81 told you so' air)-aNow,
maybe yen kape away from thin Oytal-
ians"
Miss Flimsey (who has just been pre-
sented to Princess Louise)-"No, Jack, I
can't shake hands with you to-day. /
have just touched the hand of the
daughter of the queen" Jack-"Why,
that's nothing to me, Miss Flimsey. This
hand has often held three kings."-Er-
change.
"Don't you think this prairie chicken is
little high, dear p" "Yes, I bought it
because it was so low, and didn't notice it
was stale until got home. I'd have sent
it back then, but Jack had gone out"
"Well, it's all right. Pm not finding fault.
You got high, low and game, but I'd a
little rather you'd caught Jack"
Doctor-"How's your wife this morning,
Mr.. Bagley?" Bagley-"I'm afraid she's
pretty near death, doctor" Doctor-"Has
she had any sinking spell? Is she grow
ing weaker?" Bagley-"No, but she's been
bossing me around lively this morning,
and you know, doc, that the ruling
passion is strong in death. ."-Judge
How many fishes are there in the sea?
How many sands on the shore?
How many leaves have there been on the trees?
How many grasses have waved on the leas?
How many stars have shone DER?
When you have answered these questions of
mine,
Then viii earnestly search,
And faithfully strive in some way to divine
In how many angles boy will incline
As he lists TO a sermon at church.
Chicago Herald
caller, addressing Mrs. Jones, who had an
swered his ring. "Yes, sir" "Can see
him?' Not at present, sir; he's in bed
asleep and T do not care to wake him."
Goodness graciousm said the caller to
himself as he turned away. as a po-
liceman asleep all the time ?"-Boston
Courier.
Judge-"I shall have to fire you $40 for
being drunk and disorderly." Prisoner
"But, your Honor, please take into consid-
Grafton what mild winter we have had"
Judge-"What has that got to do with
paving your fine ?" Prisoner-"It has got
a good deal to do with it, your Honor.
am poor, unfortunate plumber. ."-Ieras
SJtinqs.
Bobby Cooking out of the window
"What's the matter with the horse,
mammal Mother-"The horse is balky,
Bobby; he won't obey his driver" Bobby
-"Well, what's the man patting him for ?''
Mother-"He is coaxing him." Bobby
with an injured air)-"That amt the
way you treat me when Pm balky"-
London TuBtS.
Mrs. Race (of Chicago)-'Tll wager
anything that that gentleman over there
is a townsman of mine" Mrs. Riverside
Rivers-''How do you know ?" Mrs. Race
'.He's so refined in his eating arrangements.
He put his napkin around his neck with
little gold chain, pinned back his cuffs with
pearl-beaded pins, and now he's blowing
his soup with a cute little silver bellows
Puck.
"There will have to be some new rules
made, or something like that, or else |
will have to quit" said the young lady in
the telephone office to the chief clerk.
"What's the trouble?" ''Some things that
are said over the wires are exceedingly
disagreeable and not proper for me to
hear" "0h. that's all right" was the
brutal reply. "You can't expect to work
around electricity and not get shocked"
1 hate the weeping pessimist that's allus talkin'
blue.
An paintin' US his troubles with cemetery
hue:
He never sees a rainbow, but allus sees cloud.
And tries to throw it over everybody like
shToud.
he pounds away at all he meets an tries to
make 'em think
That his has been the bitterest of bitter dregs
TO drink:
| He tells ycu that his trouble is an oyerpowerin'
curse,
An never stops to reason that it
Might
Worse.
Chicago Herald.
Not a Mnffar Of Conrsa