The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1890-05-30
AFTER MARRIAGE.
One OF the First Lessons to Be Learned
Mutual Confidence.

One of the First Lessons to BE Learned Is
Mutual Confidence.
The only possible secrets between two
people should be those which
are confided to either one of them by
others While some people, who call
themselves worldly wise, will laugh at
the idea of such perfect confidence as
this implies, others still, especially the
newly-married, who have had small
worldly experience, Will be shocked
that 1 should suggest the keeping of
any kind of secret by either wife or
husband from the other. l am not pre-
pared to say that these last are not the
wiser of the two. Only, in that case,
when any confidence is proffered to
either husband or wife, the recipient of
it should make his or her position clear
ly understood. No personal secret can
fifty belong to one only of the two peo-
pie of whom love and law have made
one flesh. The very ideal of marriage
had been realized by that old judge who
had knelt for so many years to say
last prayer at night beside his wife, that
when at last she had left him his lips
were dumb, and without her he could
not even open his heart to God.
One frequent cause of trouble in mar
ried life is want of openness in bust
ness matters A husband marries a
pretty, thoughtless girl, who has been
used to taking no more thought as to
how she should be clothed than the
lilies of the field. He begins by not
liking to- refuse any of her requests.
He will not hint so long as he can help
it, at care in trifling expenses-he does
not like to associate himself in her
mind with disappointments and self
denials. And she, who would have
been willing enough, in the sweet
eagerness to please of her girlish love,
to give up any whims or fancies of her
own whatever, falls into habits of care
less extravaganza, and feels herself in
jured when, at last, a remonstrance
comes How much wiser would have
been perfect openness in the beginningi
There are thousands of little courte-
sizes, also, that should not be lost sight
of in the cruel candor of marriage. The
secret of q great social success is to
wound no ones self-love. The same
secret will go far toward making mar
riage happy. Many woman who would
consider it an objectionable rudeness
not to listen with an air of interest to
what a mere acquaintance is saying, will
have no least scruple in showing her
husband that his talk wearies her. OF
course, the best thing is when talk does
not weary-when two people are so uni
fed in taste that whatever interests the
one is of equal interest to the other, but
this can not always be the case, even in
q happy marriage; and is it not better
worth while to take the small trouble OF
paying courteous attention to the one
who depends on you for his daily happi-
ness than even to bestow this courtesy
on the acquaintances whom it is tran
silent pleasure to please?
Ideality is a good house-mate. That
love lasts longer, as well as reaches
higher, which idealizes its object-yet
there is one dangerous direction which
ideality may take. If it deceive US into
the belief that we are wedding perfec
ton, then the revelation of human
infirmities. which is an inevitable con.
sequence of all marriage, comes upon US
with sho, K which is sometimes peril
Gus to contentment The best antidot<
for this rude shock would be a little
wholesome determination. The vain.
est of us can scarcely. cherish secret
belief in our own perfection We real
ize in ourselves. when we look within
the very faults of which we are most in
tolerant in others Above all things
let those who would find in earthly mar
riage heavenly delight and life-lonr
sweetness, learn that to love-which in
cludes all good things forgive
ness of sins and gentleness of. udg
ment--Domestic Monthly.