New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1890-11-16
WOMEN AND COURTESY.
A FOREIGNERS OBSERVATIONS.
Nuw.YoRKERs LOSING THEIR COURTESY OF
HrART-HoLLow HospITALITY-TRAv-
ELLING MANNERS.

ELLING MANNERS.
40 the Editor of The Tribune.
Sir: Many and important arc the changes which
] observe to have taken place here in New-iorR
since my first visit to these shores just sixteen
wears ago. And, although the majority OF them
are of a satisfactory nature and can only he COM
mendcd. there is one which l most sincerely re-
eret and which l shall never cease to depiore'
IL Ii the decline nay, almost the complete disap-
pearanoe-of that politesse du occur, or courtesy
of heart, which formerly the most ATTRACTIVE
feature Of the American character, and winch
more than atoned for any lack Of form ana CON
ventionality. BY courtesy of heart l mean "'@'
instructive consideration for the feelings OF o.nerS'
that forgetfulness of self, and that unseihsnns's
of manner which, although sometimes cio'heu
in uncouth and ineegant language ana gee'.ie'
contributes much TO sweeten human i"'oi-
course II springs from the heart ana goes
straight to the heart establishing responsive
chord of ympathy between the two. IL caiiho'
he affected or put on outwardly, and the at'enip''
to make the politesse mondalne pass ioi VIC
politesse du occur result in counteriens as Trans
parent and perceptible as the use OF ce""ioio IN
lien OF old ivory, or nickel-plated brass In the
place Of antique silver.
Sixteen years ago the American people possessed
this winning courtesy of heart in degree SUI
perior TO that Of any other nationality which l
have been brought into contact with during my
wanderings in every portion OF the CIVILIZED and
uncivilized globe. True, there was not SO much
knowledge of the conventiOnaties, the formalities
and of the potesse mondaine which the Latin
races possess TO such an eminent degree. But
there was more simple and everyday chivalry even
in the most insignificant minutiae Of everyday
life. There were less mannerisms than there are
in New fO-0a m
where, for instance, the art of hospitality
carried to more exquisite perfection. / have been
feasted and royalty entertained by Arab sheiks
in the Lybyan Desert, by japanese eX-DamiOs,
by Chinese Mandarins in far Cathay, by Persian
Khans. Indian Rajahs and by SOudanese chiefs :
and, inasmuch as gastronOmy is the science which
is most closely allied 70 that of diplomacy, NAV
likewise claim considerable acquaintance with
the fesh-pOts of Europe. But among the more or
less agreeable memories of all this bygone hospital
ity that Of America looms out preemincnt and
overtops them all. This pre-eminence
attribute entirely to the impression con-
conveyed, not so much in words as in manner,
by my American entertainers that it was they who
considered themselves indebted to me for the
pleasure conferred on them by accepting their
hospitality. instead of my being indebted to them.
They implied. in fact. not by speech, but in some
garded themselves not as my creditors but as my
debtors for the hospitality with which they had
received me. And who is the curmudgeon who
would remain insensbe to such perfect COM
pliment? 1t is of nature to fatter the vanity
of even the most blase cync and to give such eX-
quisite and appetizng flavor to the sauce that
any mperfectiOns of the meat ITSELF or of the
method of serving it. pass unnoticed and unob-
served But how many persons are there here in
New-York nowadays who allow their guests to
depart with this delightful impression? Is it
not fact that the hosts of the present epoch in
this city regard those who attend their entertain
ments as the obliged-not the obliging party-and
the function in question a favor given rather
chan as a favor received? And when the host
feels thus, it is impossible for him efectually to
conceal the sentiment from the parting guests.
All efforts in the contrary direction are of nature
90 do more harm than good. For they bear upon
their face the impress of their hollow and super
tcial nature, and are rarely taken otherwise than
ht their true worth.
This question of hospitality may serve as
slight illustration Of what 1 mean when l claim
that the charming American politeSse du occur of
times-alas gone by-haS given way, here in
New-York, at any rate, to what may be described
as politesse mondaine-an outward rather than
an inward courtesy Social chivalry has been
superseded by social conventonalities and for
malities. Not that the latter can in any way be
considered as supplying the place of the former
For, at the risk of provoking a storm of lndigna-
ton by so ungraciOus assertion, will venture
TO say that the knowledge of those Old World
conventionalities and social laws-which even at
their best form SO poor substitute for the old
time American politesse du coeur-is as yet OF
the most elementary and incomplete nature. 1t
e Ex,cx., al hot hoor STR
being obtained from the manuals of etiquette such
as the one just published by Mr.. McAllister, rather
than from intercourse with the most polished and
courtly members of the English, the French and
the Austrian aristocracy. And, to my mind, the
authors of these guides to etiquette" are largely
responsible for the decline of manners in New
York. They placed their ridiculous books in the
hands of kindly people whose warmth of heart
communicated itself to everything far and near
and persuaded them that the untutored geniality
Of their manner constituted social solecism
calculated to render them ridiculous in the eyes
of the Old World. They convinced them, more
over that it necessary to substitute their old
time simple manners by artificial mannerisms, and
did their best to chill to the core those sentiments
of social chivalry which are the natural outcome
nj an unselfsh and considerable heart. The desire
70 please is the root and only sure foundation of
all g0OQ manners, diiu II iS'o w hhhoSh5 ~
very kindly disposed sort of an animal. He is
essentially an animal that is anxious to please
II is part and parcel of the human nature. The
aim of the local mentors in matters of social
etiquette appears to be to educate this Unborn
sentiment out of man, and to teach him to affect
an air of indifference to the feelings of his fellow
creatures which is entirely foreign to his nature,
which he does not really hafb0r within his heart,
and which, therefore, gives patent evidence OF its
hollow artificalty. The crust of insensibillty to
any display of generous emotion is everywhere
hard to form, and particularly so on the virgin SOIL
OF America. But Mr.. McAllister and his cot
leagues of the faculty of Instruction in Etquet'e
appear to have accomplished their ann ana 10
have succeeded in educating NEWCOMERS out OF
their former good and simple manners INTO man
ners that are bad and artificial. Nor can MI NC
Alister object to the mention Oh his name ia 'o"
who