Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-04-05
GUESTS WHO MAKE LIFE TORTURE
How Washington Folks Are Imposed
Upon by Unwelcome Visitors.

Inere Is one Washlngtonlan who ls OF the
opinion that while the laws of hospitality are
sacred yet they may De strained too far. This
is the first winter he has spen. here and very
naturally it required little time for him to
discover that dweller at the capital is apt to
find an excessive requisition put upon him for
transient entertainment by more or less unex-
pected visitors. Acquaintance and distant
relatives often exhibit such a sudden interest
in one, you. know, when one lives in such
Mecca for holiday pilgrims as this is. People
OF whose very existence you had ceased to re-
member write to you, maybe asking for an in
vitation or possibly announcing that they are
coming to stay for a few days with you and
that they hope the dear children are well.
What are you going to do? II you have re-
sided in Washington for few years you have
probably accumulated a store Of experience in
that line which has made you cold-blooded,
and you make no bones Of begging to be ex-
cused. But if you are green there is no telling
what scrapes you will get into.
ONE MELANCHOLY INSTANCE.
The man above referred to is wiser now than
he was at the beginning Of the season-ever so
much wiser. He has suffered Scarcely had
he arrived here in October, before people be-
gan to turn up for little visits. So much
cheaper it is to do Washington in that way than
to board at the hotels. His one spare room
room had to be set apart nights for the occu-
pancy of a young couple-the groom a fourth
cousin twice removed-who were on their hon
eymoon trip and liked the town so well that
they remained two weeks. Next an old maiden
aunt on the distaff side dropped in from Chi
cago Unexpectedly and had to be put up in the
parlor. Things went on about that way for q
trif1e more than two months, one unsolicited
guest departing and another coming, until
finally there was q sudden piling up of the
nv fha yriy nf
college classmate. his wife and three small chill
dren. They had been written to by the now
desperate host not to come, but they came all
the same, the old classmate explaining it in
bluff and hearty way as. he handed over the
smallest baby to the arms of the unwilling
hostess.
CONTENT WITH A LITTLE.
'Why, Old Chummy," he said, beginning to
remove his overcoat, ''you didn't understand
that your quondam friend, Sam Smith, had no
notion Of wanting accommodations worth NELL
tioning. got your letter, OF course, but says
to Mrs. Smith here:
"'Old lady, Chummy evidently thinks we
ants suite of parlors and a boodwar. He
tells us he hasn't got any accommodations but
we don't want accommodations; we'd Just as
lief sleep on the roof and tuck the kids away
in the coal box. So Well 60 any way and when
Chummy understands that he'll be glad to see
US.
$50 here we are, Old Buffer, and the sooner
we get bite to eat the better we'll like it. for
we've been rather economiZin' in expensive
railway yictaals on the road"
THE LAST STRAW.
Thus it came about that the gentleman who
played the part OF hero in this tragic tale re-
signed himself to circumstances over which he
felt that he had no control and arranged
matters as well as he could. He gave up his
own bed room to the new corners, and his wife
occupied a cot by herself in an odd corner.
After every one else had been disposed of he
looked about for a resting place for himself.
and at length the bath tub was pitched upon as
the only one available. So arranging in it some
sort of bed clothes he made there his couch
Naturally. however, it was uncomfortable, and
IN turning about to try and get an easy position
in his sleep his head came into contact with one
OF the faucets and turned it on in gentle drib-
bie This he did not observe at the time, and
so it came about that an hour or SO later he
dreamed that he was drowning, only to wake
up and find 1t vefging upon a reality. His
howls brought his wife, and when he had res
cued himself from the tub with her assistance,
they turned up the gas in the bath room, and,
with simultaneous impulse, declared to one
another that this thing had gone far enough.
1t was agreed that they should be called away
to another city by telegram the next morning,
and that they should be obliged to close their
house, regretfully dismssing their guests on
that account.
They may suspect" suggested the wife,
timidly.
IL hope they will" gruf1y replied tho hus-
band.
GETTING RID OF THEM.
And the next day the program was carried
out. Mr.. Smith, tho old classmate, with his
wife and three babies. expressed an anxiety to
stay and keep the house open, but his PROPOSE
ton was not listened to. The visitors departed
not too amiably, the establishment was shut up
and the WORKOUT host and hostess took trip
to Baltimore for three days. At the end Of
that time they returned, the husband saying
that he did not care what anybody thought
only that if any more unwelcome guests turned
up he would hand them over to the police
Since that time he has had his house for the
use OF himself and his family. Requests for in
yitations he answers with a cold negative, and
he is only waiting for an unlimited visitor to
appear in order to apply certain severe meas
ures, the nature Of which he refuses 70 reveal
in advance.