The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-28
THE BOWSERS.
Mr.. BIS Excited Ideas About Spontan-
eouS Combustion.

followed n1m. l. FOUND him
the clothes basket.
"Mrs. Bowser," ne began by way of
explanation, "do you know that we have
had a close Gala dozen close calls
from being burned alive in our beds?"
LANDS, mol What do you mean2"
81 mean that there hasen't been an
hour in the twenty-four since we moved
into this house that it was not liable to
take fire. In other words, we have been
~slumbering N the edge of a Volcano"
Why, Mr.. Bowserl"
Nothing but the hand Of Providence
has prevented a great disaster" he con-
tinued, as he dumped the last of the
clothes out Of the hamper.
but what has that to do with it,"
Everything. Mrs. Bowser, did you
ever hear of spontaneous combustion? p
"Of course"
"Well, there hasn't been . day that ell
the elements necessary to spontaneous
combustion haven't been present in this
hamper. Also, in various other places in
this house. 1 shudder over our narrow
escape"
"You-you haven't gone and got an
other 6re-escape, have your"
"There you go! Always ready to
throw up something 1 suppose you'll
call this a notion of mine?"
"What has spontaneous combustion
got to do with our clothes hamper"
Everything. Here are the elements
right here to start a fire. Here ARE cot
ton, wool and silk crowded together in .
temperature of at least ninety degrees.
Nothing could be more favorable"
81 don't belive it"
"Wnat! WHAT shouted Mr.. Bowser,
holding up a pillow slip in one hand and
one of the baby's stockings in the other.
You don't believe in spontaneous COM
b lstion /"
"Under certain conditions, yes, but
those conditions cannot be found here.
Some one has been working on your
imagination"
"Ohl They have! On my magma
| toni" he softly whispered. when
every scientist and scientific publication
believes in spontaneous combustion
when it is practically demonstrated every
day in the year, when it is a fact as well
known as that a horse has teeth, you
stand here and tell me that l have been
played onl Mrs. Bowser, will you have
the kindness to go downstairs ?"
| went down, and he took every article
from the hamper and spread them out on
the floor. Then he went through every
clothes-closet and bureau drawer, and it
was fully two hours before he came down
and heaved q great sigh of relief, and
said:
"There! We shall not be burned alive
not to night
"The1e was no danger" | replied.
| HTboro uvoCO't oh Mrs ROUcor 7
Il"
His emotion overcome him, and l got
| opportunity to say:
why don't other peoples houses
burn up through spontaneous combus-
| tion?"
81 haven't seen anything in the papers
about a clothes hamper explosion"
Mr.. Bowser gritted his teeth.
eff it has got to thar pass that the
tact with the baby's stockings without
striking fire, we'd better fill the cellar
with tin boxes"
Mr.. Bowser kicked at the cat, but
missed her by about two feet.
"But therell be a fire, of course. You
have overlooked an old vest somewhere,
o1N IL Will RCG OOWh I'll u AOOh G1O
walk over to one of your old shoes and
arrange for a bonfire. | shan't sleep a
wink tonight"
Nh. BoWser circled around the room
three times with great dignity, and then
went off to bed. When he was out of
the way I went out and had a talk with
the cook. The result was that we brought
an iron kettle into the front hall, got out
some cotton batting, and as [ went up
stairs, she whispered to me-:
81 understand, ma'am. In exactly half
an hour I'm to touch it Off"
Mr.. Bowser was in bed, and though
spoke about the cool wave, baby's cold and
other things, he had nothing to say. ]
wasn't hurt, however. Igot into bed and
waited. It wasn't over ten minutes until
the o6or Of burning cotton was plain
enough in the room, and l sat up and
gave Mr.. Bowser a dig and asked:
Don't you smell smoke"
"Smokel" he shouted, after a sniff OF
two. u smell fire !"
"Perhaps the cook lighted the gas with
paper" =.
afre! Che jumps out of bed) of course it
is! Che goes to the door she's all ablsEe
downstairs Fire Fire ~
1.-THE babyI" I shouted as he danced
around, but he was gone, carrying his
pantaloons and one shoe under his arm.
He ran down the hall, shouting "irel" at
the top of his voice, cane back and grab,
bed his necktie and shouted again, and
the next I heard Of him he was in front
of the house yelling like an Indian. Half
a dozen men were going by, on their way
home from some sort of a convention, and
they rushed into the house and soon
located the fire. I heard Mr.. Bowser
telling them that he had long expected it,
and that he had the most careless wife in
the world, and that he hadn't slept sound
for three months, and then there was a
pause. They had found the kettle with
the smoking cotton.
l did't hear Mr.. Bowser laughing with
the rest. Perhaps he tried to, and it was
a failure. 1t took All the rest of the beer