San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1890-12-05
A SOLICITORS TROUBLES.

once, when the GODDESS OF fOrtnne
had meanly Withdrawn her tavors
from me for somewhat protracted
spell, and the fangs of Poverty were
imbedded as deep as they could ge;
into my pocketbook, undertook the
position of solicitor for advertisements
on a paper of enormous anticipated
circulation. 1t was published in the
cause of humor, but it never showed
cause forts existence as such. Its cuts
aud reading matter were as brilliant
ly comic as might be expected in the
trade organ of the Undertakers' Pro-
tectIve League.
didn't know anything about SOL
letting, but L was assured that the
necessary elements of successin that
business were the gifts of fluen {
speech and indomitable, brass-bound
gall. knew my ability to talk man
into q gastric fever, and had been
complimented frequently on the sup
erior aud invincible nature of my
gall.
So 1 accepted the situation with
confidence and as modest request for
aweek's salary in advance. 1t WAS
not complied with.
ATlucu Wlbh SoPy Va viz oAooSh
Bugle, / sailed forth in search OF
victlms-I mean customers. Calling
on many eff the prominent business
men of the city, l was surprised at
the stolid ndifferenee-not to say
rudeness-with which was received.
The Brazen Bugle did not appear to
be endeared to the hearts of the citi-
zens, judging from the sulphurous
remarks I heard when broaching the
subject of advertising in its pages.
One man threatened to unchain the
dog, another limited at dropping me
from fourth-foor window, third
simply ordered his clerk to see me
off the premises at once.
Being a stranger in the city could
not understand it, and it was great
personal relief to me when, towards
evening on the first day of my APP
pointment, L entered the office of
gentleman, who, upon ascertaining
my errand. courteously requested
me To be seated until he had finished
writing letter.
81 have seen your advertisement in
the Banner" l commenced as soon as
he was at liberty, land thought l
would call to try and interest you in
the Brazen Bugle. AS an advertising
medium is is unparalleled in this city.
Its vast circulation among the wealth.
Ter classes of the community render
it UNIQUE as a means of reaching the
monied people,"
"Where does it circulate?n inquired
the gentleman, calmly, as he eyed me
curiouslv over pair of tear-dimmed
spectacles.
"Where, sir? Everywhere" I re-
piled, with enthusiasm. I'm every
section of the city-in every suburb
of importance-you will find the Bug
lie is taken and eagerly read. Not only
that, but thousands of copies find
their way every week all over the
country! There is no doubt but"
"One moment, sir" interrupted my
auditor, as he pulled out red ban
danna and blew shrill blast on his
own bugle. "What are your rates
say for 20 lines q week."
"Seventy lines week, sirW l re-
peated, with a joyous tlItter at my
heart, "At 20 cents line would be
Sl4, the usual price. L can let you
have 1t at S11.50-that is % per cent
off,
"And your circulation-how large
is it?n
"Twenty-two thousand four hun
bred and seventy-fve," 1 answered,
readily.
"Guaranteed?"
"Guaran teed! g Well, al should
smile! Why, sir, it is sworn to! 1t is
duly attested by notary public! I'll
send you an affidavit if you wish.n
"What circulation did you say?n
asked the listener, as he figured on a
pad with pencil.
TWENTY-FIVE thousand four hun
dred and seventy-five guaranteed )" l
repeated.
Then the gentleman leaned forward
with the air of a man who was be-
slowing a 2,000-line contract, and
whispered, In a voice husky with a
blending of emotion and whisky:
young man, as an enthusiastic
and impressive liar you are monu-
mental marvel. / am the leading
stakeholder in the Brazen Bugle, and
/ know its circulation to unit. Tears
of holy Joy have welled from my or
bits whenever the circulation of that
paper on rare occasion has reached
1000. I am not going to discharge you
for falsehood-you ought to be prom
oted; but at present you are simply
wasting your talents on the desert
air. Go seek elsewhere the laurel
you deserve. Now-gitW
I"got." JOHN s. GREY