Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-10-24
NUMBER 3.
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS,

FONGENI PAHAGHAPHS,
"A mountain of alabaster is supposed
to have been discovered $50 miles north
of Denver, Col.
First Clerk-"Business pretty good
at your placer" Second Clerk 10,
yes! 1t has been so rushing that they
have not had time to pay the hands
for three weeks"
Prof. Dollder, Of Utrecht, has dis
covered that it takes the brain .067 Of a
second to elaborate single idea. But
then the average brain has long time
to rest afterward, Exchange.
Proud Mother-"At last, my dear,
your education is finished, and you have
diplomas from the highest seat of learn
ing in the world" Cultured Daughter
(wearily)-"Yes, and now I'm too old
to marry."-N, Y. Weekly.
1T is customary in Russia for trav-
elers to carry their own bed-linen, pill
lows, towels, etc. That is better than
carrying off the towels, ETC., belonging
to the hotel, as is frequently done in
this countrv,-Texas Siftings.
"A negro drayman while drivinga
dray heavily loaded with merchandise
at Macon, lost his balance and fell off,
and the dray passed directly over his
neck. Strange to say, it was not broken,
but the negroes injuries were serious.
-"That new girl of yours is rather
shrinking, modest creature, Scadley,
isn't she?" "Well, should say she
was. / didn't visit her more'n week
before she suggested that turn down
the light in order that she might hide
her bushes. "-Philadelphia Times.
-Larkins-Divorc are not numerous
in Japan, l believe" Bunting-"I
don't know; but how did you form that
opinion?" Larkins-"From the fact
that women are not permitted to appear
on the stage in that country."-N. Y.
World.
-Mamma-"Um- dear. This
young man who is calling on you so con-
stantly-do you think he has any inten-
tions?" Laura-"He doesn't know
whether he has or not. ! am the only one
whose intentions are going to cut any
figure in this deal. "-Terre Haute Elk.
press.
--Pat-"This is great scheme"
Bridget-"Phwa is?" Pat-"I see that
a man can get post-offlce money order
for 500 for 45 cents. have dollar
left, and I'll git some av thin ordhera
this very day and sthart in business
again. This is a great country. New
Hampshire Republican.
-Bibliomaniac-"W / W ant now is
suitable motto-please don't touch
that book; paid forty dollars for the
binding alone-a suitable motto for this
room. What would you suggest?"
Cynicus-"Why not adapt Coleridge-
Books, books everywhere, but not
thing to read?' "--Harpers Razar
--Villager-"Ah! Congressman Blank,
very glad l met you. want you to in
troduce bill compelling all brass
bands to join the militia, and in case OF
war march to the front Congressman
'Um! Suppose such bill should be.
come law' then what?" Villager-
"Then what? Why, we'd get up war;"
Good News.
"A Clue
Within ahammock snug they sat
But how the two behaved,
One could not tell, it was SO dark,
Had it not been for the remark
20, George, you must get shaved"
Philadelphia Press.
"A woman may fret and chafe be-
cause the pudding is overdone, or get
her nerves all into a snarl If her Aus.
band happens to bring home company to
dinner unexpectedly, but when it comes
to wrapping up sore finger she stands
at the top of the heap, with a mien free
of vinegar and touch lighter than day.
Rams Horn,
-Sdsie-"G oing to the country this
summer, Bessie?" Bessie-"Yes; but
we hardly know where to 60" Susie
"Why don't you go whore you went last
year?" Bessie-"To Farmer Haycut's?
That's where we were intending to CO.
only we heard that Farmer layout
made so much money out of keeping
summer boarders that he came to the
city to live in style. Yankee Blade.