News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1890-04-03
ALL SORTS.
How the Funny Men are Earning
Their Money.
Her Silence.

She has a sweet, distracting way
OF saying nothing, which, l swear,
| A dearer meaning can convey,
Than uttered words could ever dare.
Her eyes their silken fringes raise,
A dimple comes in either cheek;
Her ripe lips part, and as you gaze
You'd really think you heard her speak,
You may at first be veXed by this,
But you'll discover day by day
Her silence much more charming is
Than anything she finds to say.
Madeline 5. Bridges.
Grocer What kind of tea did yoI
ask for, madam"
Customer-''Five o'clock tea please
| hear that's the most stylish now."-
Munsey's Weekly.
-"She's a nice girl, my daughter is
if l do say it. Amiable, very easy
pleased. By the way, Mr.. Poeticus
she was delighted with those verse.
you sent her of yours"
Poet-I have brought you a poem
sir. 1t is rather long, but | suppose
that will make no difference.
Editor-Oh, no. Just as easy to re
ject long ones as short ones.
Elegantly Attired Spinster-I Sc,
you advertise for cash girls.
Merchant-Yes, ma'am; but
Elegantly Attired Spinster-Well,
have fifty thousand i'll my own right
What's wanted.
G.afton-There goes Guffum. lent
that measley duck $40 six months ago,
and he has never paid it back yet.
Wiggins-Serves you right. It is
always hard to ct back me ney from
the fraud you lent.
First Maine Man-'Going out West,
are you, Budger? What state-Dakotaf
Second Maine Man-'Not much
No more prohibition states for me.
mean to turn over a new leaf and be a
sober man if | can. Puck.
Squeeser-Yes, my Jove! l went
to jump off the train, and fell, and
scraped along my face for ten feet.
Wasn't hurt a bit. Remarkable, eh ?
Freezer-Oh, don't know. You're
used to travel on your cheek, you
know.
Affectionate Relative-Why do you
sit so far off, Cousin Jennie? Come
over here OH the sofa and sit alongside
of me.
Cousin Jennie-Tm thinking that for
a distant relative you are near enough
already.
Hobbs-I made ten dollars just now.
Dobbs-How so?
Hobbs met hobbs on the street,
and he asked me to lend him twenty
dollars until tomorrow. Luckily, |
had only ten dollars in my pocket
Somerville journal.
Wife-John, if we go to the theatre
tonight will you have to 60 out be-
tween the acts to see man?
Husband-I'm very much afraid l
shall.
Wife-Well, here's a dollar and a
half extra. Get ticket for him and
let him sit with us.
Young Mr.. Borum-Miss Laura,
see Miss Irene is about to sit down to
the piano. May l take this seat with
you in the window and-aw-converse
with you?
Miss L2ura-CertaiEly, Mr.. Borum.
Irene, my dear, give us something
from Wagner, please.
Mr.. Porkham-Again | ask you,
Miss Leatiard, will you be my wife?
Miss Leafiard-No, Mr.. Porkham,
cannot be your wife, but l will
be-
Mr.. Porkham-Sister, of course.
Miss Leafiard-no; a grandmother
j our grandfather proposed last night.
Chappy-ssWhat do you think
found to-day, aud boy, IN looking
over my thiugs?"
Aud Boy-'I can think"
ga tailor's bill"
"Well, what's remarkable about that
I'd like 10 know"
ait was receipted.' Yankee Blade.
They were talking of death, when
one man Asked
"What were his last words?"
''He didn't say anything" was the
reply.
''That's just like him. said the first
man, with all approving nod; "there
was no gas about him. He was all
business"
Lawyer-''Do you understand the
nature of an oath?"
Colored witness-"Sah?'
Lawyer-''Do you understand the
nature of an oath, L sayr
Colored witness Gmpressively) -
"Sah, have druv mules in Louisiannv
for nigh onto forty years. sooner
vile Journal.
"Can you tell me where I'll find the
senator?" said the wife of prom nent
servant of the public TO page at the
Capitol.
eyes, ma'am; he is in the ante
room"
"Dear! dear! That man seems to
think of nothing but cards. Wash
ington Post.
Mr.. Case (who has married his type
writer) -''Well, my dear, suppose l
must be looking around for somebody
to take your place in the office"
Mrs. Case-"Yes, | have been think
ing of that. My cousin is just out of
school," Mr.. Case =" What's her
Mrs. Case (sweetly)-"John
Henry Briggs. Puck.
"You've been writing poetry to sis
ter" said Willie.
eyes," admitted the youth.
"What kind of poem was the last
one you sent herr"
"Oh, it was a sort of apostrophe!"
"Well, if you'd a. seen the way pa
acted when he saw it, you'd a though
it was a whole lot of exclamation
points"
A man may be in possession of many
I tents, and capable of enactlng Won
derful and noble deeds, but there is
one thing which is all utter i'm
possibility for him-that is, he can't
wink and work his ears at the same
tin e. Nothing but the much-slandered,
mule has the gift to per-
form this marvellous act.-Franklin
(Ga.) Banner.
At one of the recent vice-regal balls
in Dublin a young detrimental came
up to where young lady was sitting,
and asked her. in her mothers hearing,
whether he might have re pleasure of
a dance. But before the daughter
could reply her fond parent has lily
broke in: "'Dced an We can't, then
e