Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-05-24
most UNLUCKY FELLOW ALIVE.

Ing 10 his own Ideas. Not that anythln
very dreadful had ever happened, but a
endless succession Of petty misfortunes fol
lowed him through life, and made hin
thoroughly miserable about half the time
When child, his toys were Away
broken, through no fault of his own, just a
he began to enjoy them. If he planned
to go anywhere, rain or snow prevented o
he became i'll or something happened. A
school he was always being punished fol
some other boys misdeeds, and falling
into disgrace in various ways When a
youth, if he went for drive, the buggy
broke down or the horse ran away. Wher
the sidewalks were icy, he was sure to fall
down and make a spectacle of himself or
the crowded pavement. When he invited
a pretty girl to the theater, he must
needs write to his tailor or some creditor
and send each note to the wrong destina-
tion. At a party the most disagreeable
and ineligible partners invariably fell to
his lot. In short, wherever he went and
whatever he did, Franklin William Lees
abominable luck followed him like the
ghost OF Banquo, and turned every enioy-
able occasion into one of bitterness and
grief.
Accordingly, when Franklin William
was about to come into possession of a
snug fortune by the death of an eccentric
uncle, he was perfectly prepared to find
misfortune even in this. Being of an emo
tional turn of mind, the unhappy young
man would have torn his hair-if it had
not been cropped so closely-when he
heard the provision of the aforesaid uncIes
will, which stipulated in no measured
terms that he should marry before his
twenty-fourth birthday or forfeit every
penny Of the fortune.
As Franklin William was an orphan
who had just lost his patrimony through
the failure Of bank-the browning stroke
of his ill-luck-this conditional fortune
seemed not only attractive, but absolutely
necessary. The deceased uncle had never
married, but was by no means averse to
matrimony, and had resolutely maintained
that every real or fancied aflliction of his
life resulted from his early disregard of
the Scriptural assertion that it is not good
for man to be alone. He had been re-
peatedly heard to remark that every young
man should marry upon attaining the age
that he favored having a desert especially
set apart for bachelors, where they should
dwell until brought to their senses. Find
ing that his nephew had already attained
the age of twenty-three, however, the gem
erous uncle kindly stretched his views and
his will sufficiently to give the young gem
tleman six months of grace and then died
content with great hopes for the result.
A III, l,aI
fully satisfied that there was no way of
Canine fortunes favor without matrimony,
he sought his boon companion, Mr.. Lo-
reno Hops, disinterested young man of
slender purse, who was obliged to live in
very dlngy, contracted lodgings in order
to dress stylishly and maintain certain
position in the society of the flourishing
town where the friends dwelt. Mr.. Hops
received Franklin William effusively and
the latter related his predicament without
delay
'It's Just my luck" he concluded tragi-
cally- 81 can't even enjoy fortune like
any other man. Yes, it's Just my luck all
over"
"And very good luck l call it," said Mr..
Hops, stroking his tender mustache.
''Its a thing anyone but you would jump
at. It's not such misfortune to marry,
is it? Especially if you're rich in the
bargain.
"But I'm not handsome, Pm not inter
esting and ! ruin everything | touch"
cried Franklin William, wofully. "Fm a
regular Jonah"
"oh, no, you're not" expostulated Mr..
Hoyps.
Eyes l am. never go on pleasure
party that something doesn't happen.
Why, the last time | went to the theater,
the stage caught on fire and there was a
panic, and Miss Simpkins and / nearly
smothered. And the last hop | went to,
didn't ! step on Miss Jones dress while
Waiting and tear half the train Off"
That's true" admitted Mr.. Hops,
shaking his head.
Everybody knows Pm a forerunner of
calamity" said Franklin William in des-
pair. "And now I'll lose all the money
because nobody'll have me. What woman
would ever feel safe with such an unlucky
fellow FOR husband ~
lots of en-" responded his friend
"Keep up your courage and don't be SC
modest. Wen fix things. To begin with
let your riches be known and cut dash in
society"
As Franklin William was not averse to
this plan, he thanked his friend and went
out feeling tritie better After this he
looked upon every young woman he knew
as a possible wife, and tried vainly to fix
upon some fair damsel from whom he
might learn his fate. As the general be-
lief was that he had already come into his
fortune, he soon became favorite every.
where, and nearly beggared himself in the
attempt to shine as man of fashion But
the weeks and even the months passed on
without any result, although Franklin
Williams misadventures were as numer
Gus as ever.
Lorenzo Hops, who appeared fully as
anxious as his friend concerning the out.
come was therefore overjoyed, at large
boatips party on the river one afternoon
to observe that Franklin William seemed
about to take the momentous step. TIL,
boats had been made fast to the bank
while the young people were strolling
about ia confidential couples under tn
trees or preparing the lunch. Mr.. Hops
fair companion had sent him to the river
after water. and he was just STOPPING to FL
his pail, when he noticed Franklin Will
lam and Miss Anastasia Brooks, a yer,
pretty young lady, sitting alone in boa
and talking 50 earnestly that they took n,
notice of him.
Mr.. Hops erouched and waited Will
breathless silence. He saw Franklin Will
lam Lee seize the young lady's hand, an
then dropping 1t, rise excitedly to his feet
saving, in an uneousciously loud voice
'lliss Brooks-Anastasia- sure-yo
must have seen-that l have Away
been
At this moment the unfortunate suite
forgot that he was in boat, and, sud
denly losing his balance, fell over into tn
water.
Miss Brooks screamed, but had sufficier
presence of mind to retain her grasp upo