davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-03-26

He is pretty foolish man who
thinks that the grass widow is green
Boston Post
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-03-26

firm
TO play them some good trick
We lay awake night after night
To think Of something sleek;
When in the morning all were met
And each revealed her plot
AS with one voice they oil agreed
That mine went to the spot.
The day we chose was April LIST,
The time the MONDAY hour;
Meanwhile we looked as innocent
And harmless as Q flower.
The time was come; each man sat down
With heavy long-drawn sigh;
Albeit underneath VIC saw
twinkle in each eye;
Whey looked for cotton In the pie,
For corn-bread frosted thick,
For napkins sewed together fast,
The sponge-cake loaf, brick;
For drinking water peppered strong
And beefsteak seasoned sweet;
In fact suspicion lurked about
What'cr they touch or eat;
But when the meal in safety passed
They rose with grateful sigh,
And little dreamed the blow they feared
Would ''catch on by and by;
For while they ate with cautious fear,
Lest then the sword might fall,
One Of us stealthily did slip
Round to the entrance hall,
And warmly pressed with fingers def
In each hat hanging there
A piece Of shoemakers wax
To lay against their hair
Twas one of those warm days in spring.
That forecast summer heat;
But unsuspecting, out they go
Upon the sunny street.
As one went sauntering jauntily,
Who should he chance to meet
But fair Miss Blank, lovely girl
And one he thought real sweet.
He threw his toothpick on the walk,
All smiles he did appear,
He tried to raise his hat, but 10!
1t stuck fast to his ear.
The next, well-known banking clerk
Returning to his biz,
Essayed his derby to remove
why, what in thunders this"
he paused-glanced round him in dismay =
by jove. but this is pat;
Those horrid girls have somehow glued
My hair fast to my hiatt"
He sat him down, resigned to fate,
His hat upon his head;
Soon in walked Mr.. President
And to him coldly said:
Have you been on lark, young man,
Or have you got cold?"
Dear sir, l beg you will excuse,
To tell the truth, I'm sold!
Perhaps you'll kindly bear In mind
What day tits said to be,
And some one, sir, has made, you see,
An April fool of mel"
The next, man Of real estate,
Was asked to call at two
Uron widow, young and rich,
Who would her lease renew;
He rang the bell, then Strengthened up
To bend him like bow,
With hat In hand and blandest smile
AS agents do, you know
She came; he ierked and pulled and tugged
And twisted in despair,
Made desperate effort-futile all,
1t stuck as II grown there;
She stood in frigid dignity
And smiling scorn the while,
Although she scarcely could repress
A naughty, whitening smile;
But presently he found his voice,
Then frantically he spoke:
~ crave your pardon, madame, I'm
The victim Of joke"
And as he backed himself a-down
Those steps with eager haste
He took his spotless handkerchief,
And mopped his sweltering face;
His swearwords were original
A list beyond define;
] thanked my stars he knew not then
The trick was one Of mine!
But what befell each one in turn
For all met hapless fate
fear 'twould weary you to read,
The writer to relate.
Suffice to say, they came to tea,
Their hats they slowly dofi;
For every mothers son Of them
Lad all their hair cut off.
Hannah M. Kohaus, in Inter Ocean.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-03-26
AN APRIL FOOL.

WAS in q private board.
ing.house:
We were Q jolly crowd,
Who had with talents
for rich jokes
Been literally en-.
lowed;
But every now and then
the men
Would get the upper
hand,
And that the girls with
one accord
) Declared they could
not stand;
So with Q resolution
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15

The reports of the associated direct
resses was first on the programme,
and then canse those from the Mime
apolis and st. Paul unions. Miss
Gertrude Cakes, of st. Paul, in paper
upon 'sThe Chinese in America" gave
very graphic account of trip into
Chinatown, San Francisco, where there
are about $4,000 heather. Congress-"
said she, 'cannot transform the Chinese.
The churches must do it,"
Rev. |. Bergstrom, district missionary
for Southern Minnesota. spoke feelingly
of the gratitude he felt for those who
had encouraged and assisted him in his
work during the last year. During nine
months he had preached PSI sermons,
conducted lS6 prayer meetings. made
395 regular pastoral visits, baptized SO,
and travelled 1870 miles. T. r. Peters,
superintendent of missions, commended
Mr.. BergStrOm'S work, and said that it
was the intention to put four mission
aries in the field during the coming
year. Miss Annie Morgan gave brief
talk upon the heather in America,
showing how many hea thens existed
be civilized. She didn't think that
those interested in home missions
fully realized the duties that were i'm
posed upon them.
In the afternoon addresses were de-
livered at the pastoral union by Revs.
G. A. McClelland and T.G.Field. Rev. F.
C.Whitney delivered the annual sermon.
The evening was given up to Sunday
school session, with addresses by Rev.
Wayland Hoyt, Prof. FL. P. Judson and
Boston w. Smith. To-day state mis-.
sions and national societies will be the
subjects under discussion. Tomorrow
the convention business will be trans
acted, while the evening will be given
| over to a young peoples meeting.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
Personal AND SOCIAL.

". E. Steele and wife have gone East.
c. C. Dunn has returned from month s
trip III the East.
Mrs. George E. Ledgerwood left Monday
morning for a months visit with her parents
in Berlin, Wis.
Mrs. IT. B. alker left Monday evening for
Des MOnes to attend the state convention OF
the ". G. T. U.
Mrs. Charles Nice. Reeve gave French
luncheon Monday afternoon at her home on
Lake Harriet.
Frank Larrabee and bride have returned
after Southern wedding tour, and are stop
ping q: the West.
Mrs. L. c. Mitchell and Miss Mitchell have
returned from Chicago. where they have
been spending several weeks.
Mrs. James Cutsinger of Ashton, To-, is
visiting her siSter-in.la Mrs. Z. ii. Austin,
of 60l Tenth avenue south, who has just re-
turned from Kasson.
This afternoon at o'clock the Ladies'
Sewing Circle of the Church of the Redeemer
will meet in the church parlors All ladies
intending TO take part in the winters work
are expected to be present.
Milo Phillips and bride. nee Mary War
mock, arrived from their wedding tour on
sunday, and are domiciled at the Phillips
homestead on Nicollet avenue.
Harry ". HawIey, formerly in the news
paper business in Minneapolis, but now a
resident of Iowa. is in the city to spend a
few weeks, and possibly the winter.
A delegation from the Minneapolis En-
gineers' club. consisting of Prof. w. A. Pike,
William De La Barre and Bridge Engineer
+. W. Cappelen, left Monday evening fol-
Chicago to attend the meeting of the Western
Society of Engineers.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
A Petition Asking the Court to
Wind Up the Concern.

The Knights of AURORA are not out of
their troubles by any means, in fact
they seem to be just beginning. Yes
terday Attorney General Clapp COM
menced an action against the order on
behalf of the state of Minnesota in the
district court for the purpose of wind
ing up the concern and having re-
ceiver appointed. The complaint,
which is lengthy one, covering several
closely typewriter pages, puts the as
ISOLATION in rather bad light, as re-
suit OF the recent Investigations by the
insurance commissioner.
Aside from charging many irregulari-
ties in the time of meetings of the order,
the complaint alleges that its circulars
falsely stated a membership of 49, S5,
and the number of policies at 5, 7S4,
never reached the number of LOCO. The
figuring on the basis of the advertise
mentS would make the cost per 81, 900 of
insurance but IS cents on the basis of a
S4,211.45 assessment, when in fact the
collections on certificates were but 1884,
and that the proceedings of the as
ISOLATION were reprehenSible to dan
gerOus degree; the report filed with the
commissioner was fraudulent, and the
officers, 1t is stated, kept false and fic-
titiOus cash account. False statements
were also made in the number of tenn
plies organized, they claiming pol, when
there were but AZ. The financial con-
dition of the society is also in bad
way, the total cash receipts being but
81 1865, while the necessary dls6urse-
ments should be s4,6lO.12, of which
S2,560.52 is for printing and stationery
tor which the society is indebted.
There is but $3.50 on hand in the re-
serve fund.
An order has been made by Judge
Hooker for the officers to appear in
court on Saturday to show cause why
the petition should not be granted.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
IN THE POLICE COURT.
Judge Emery Finishes in Time to
REGISTER.

Judge Emery had but small number
of culprIts in court yesterday, and was
therefore enabled to leave the court
room and register. James Jones, who
stabbed William Gallagher Monday
night, waived examination and was held
to the grand jury In $500 bonds. He did
not furnish the bOndSmen, and will ac-
cordingly remain in Jail until the grand
jury meets some time in December.
Martin Olson, juvenile thief, and
his companion, Delbert Dumas. were
sentenced to the reform school for steal
ing quantity of spectacles from w. HI.
Lackey 81 Co.'s jewelry store. Dumas
sentence was suspended.
According to j. Dukinfeld's tale of
woe, j. l.. Bausman, living at 2527
Pleasant avenue. is guilty of keeping a
vicious dog. Bausman will be exam
ined upon this charge to-day.
The heinous otfense of driving some
cattle on Hennepin boulevard was what
got Charles A. Stevens into trouble. He
was fined IS.
Mary Smith and Annie Watson were
fined $50 each for keeping houses of ill
fame, while Jennie Jones paid SO.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
THE BAPTISTS.

State Convention in Session at
the First Baptist Church.
The state annual Baptist convention
opened yesterday morning at the First
Baptist church, where it will be in ses-
! sion for three days. There were about
sixty in attendance at the pastoral
union. Rev. E. r. Pope, of Rochester,
delivered very able address upon the
Doctrine of Sin as Taught in the
Psaims." Rev. A. S. Kay, of Ovation
ma, next read an Exposition of st.
PauPs Epistle to the Galatians" Fol-
lowing this came an informal discussion
upon the paper, led by Rev. S. Gorham.
The missionary meeting of the ladies',
held simultaneously in the lecture room
of Plymouth church, was we'll attended.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15

There are some patent
medicines that are more
marvellous than a dozen
doctors prescriptions, but
they're not those that pro-
fess to cure everything.
Everybody, now and then,
feels run down." played
out" They've the will,
but no power to generate
vitality. They're not sick
enough to call a doctor,
but just too sick to be
we'll. That's where the
right kind of a patent
medicine comes in, and
does for a dollar what the
doctor wouldn't do for less
than five or ten.
We put in our claim for
DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery.
We claim it to be an un-
equaled remedy to purify
the blood and invigorate
the liver. We claim it to
be lasting in its effects, crea-
ting an appetite, purifying
the blood, and preventing
Bilious, Typhoid and Mala-
rial fevers # taken IN time.
The time to take it is when
you first feel the signs of
svearz,sess and aOeakxess. The
time to take it, on general
principles, is NOW.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
seaIskins Are Scarce.

The New York Evening Post says that 1.-The
very limited catch of seals this year has
caused feeling of CONSERVATION among
furriers, and many of them predict famine
in the sealskin market Ill 1891. The demand
material is steadily on the increase, but it is
difficult to see how it is to be met next year
by the available supply. The influence of
the decreased catch is already being felt in
the market, and buyers find it impossible to
place orders except at an advance of at least
25 per cent over last years prices This is
not only true of sealskins; all kinds of furs
have also been affected 10 q more or less de-
gree by the shortage. The extensive manu-
featuring rooms of the Plymouth Clothing
House are ahundanuy supplied with ali
kinds of furs at old prices.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15

eminent Statistics" Chemical Analyses" Official Re-
ports etc. regarding the comparative merits of various
Baking Powders until it has become really monotonous
The proprietors of "THEpURE" Baking Powder do not
wish to weary the public in this manner but aim to pro-
duce perfectly pure Baking Powder, and allow it to
be judged by it's results rather than by pulling dia
grams and statistics. Diagram will not make good
bread You cannot bake cake with Analysis Pastry
compounded with Statistics would be very unpalatabe
What people want is Baking Powder that is pure,
wholesome and efficient; and this is precisely what
"THEPURE" Baking Powder is Ask your grocer for it
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
ADJUSTMENTS.

''Traviata'' was given splendid produc-
ton by the Hess Grand Opera company al
the Lyceum theater last night before large
and fashionable audience "Trovatore' will
be presented this evening.
1.-The Worlds Fair Will be given two pro-
auctions to-day, afternoon and evening, at
the Grand opera house.
Charles Hoyt's "A Bunch of Keys will be
presented this afternoon at the Bijou. The
company is exceptionally strong, and fur
nishes three hours pleasant entertainment.
Next week Harry l.. Hamlin and Paul NJ.
Potter ce-comedy, ~ he Fakir." will be
the attraction at the Bijou. The cast i'll.
cludes some of the best performers in farce
comedy in the country.
The New English Novelty company gives
afternoon and evening performances at the
Pence opera house to-day.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
Through a Tran Door.

About midnight. while intoxicated,
Randolph Harper, an employee In Car
looms livery stable at 112 First street
north, fell through trap door distance
of fifteen feet and fractured his skull.
DIR. KilyingtOn dressed his injuries, and
he was taken to the city hospital. He
will die.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15

Don't NOPE and,be sad
IL the chill winds of autumn;
Get new clothes" and be glad
At 1.-The Plymouth you0bought ,em.
TIE PLYMOUTH CLOTHING HOUSE.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
BLOOD AND SKiNsID1issefIa1ssee

Eynnished houses youcan e.
lfyou advertise, YOU ~.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
KNIGHTS OF AURORA.

Autumn styles now ready in all depart
ments at the Plymouth Clothing House.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15
Sold by GrOcers everywhere.
w. BAKER & CO.. Dorchester, Mass.

oil EC DIR. Il. Waite, Specialist; IL
FHcN, years in Minneapolis. Why suffer
when cure is mild and certain
Ask hundreds Of leading citizens of ST. Paul
Minneapolis and the Northwest as to the
treatment and cure? Pamphlet free lI27
Henuepin Ave-, Minneapolis
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-10-15

The Republicans, in trying to select
men to actas Democratic judges of cleo
ton. and refusing to allow the Demo-
Gratis to select their own guardians of
the polls, as the law directs. rather over
reached themselves. Yesterday, in
many instances, the judges failed to
then to appeal to the Democrats to fill
the vacancies. .1.l
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1890-12-27
wasHINGTON NOTES.

THE killing OF Sitting Bull is likely
TO be aired in Congress, reports getting
afloat that the Indian police were in
structed to put an end to him.
PRESIDENT HAIRIsoY is not satisfied
with the sufficiency OF the financial
guarantee Of the Worlds Fair directors,
and will defer issuing his proclamation
announcing the fair to the world until
the finances necessary for its complete
success are assured.
THE War Department has issued IN
order increasing the reward for the ar
rest Of deserters by civil officers from
$50 to $50.
THE Comptroller of the Currency has
called on all the National banks for O
report of their condition at the close OF
Friday, December 10.
THE Supreme Court did not decide the
No-Man's-Land murder case, as ex
pected. The decision will probably be
handed down early in January.
The President has nominated Henry
D. Brown, of Michigan, to be Associate
Justice of the Supreme Court of thG
United States, vice Samuel Miller, de
raaRed
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1890-12-27
THE SOUTH.

FOURTEEN cars on the Louisville, New
Orleans & Texas railway, loaded with
200 bales Of cotton, were destroyed by
fire at burns station. near New Or cans
THE American Marble Company, OF
Atlanta, Ga, has been placed in the
hands OF q receiver. Assets $3.50, 900;
Liabilities, $500. 600
JAMES RoUTT and Clifton Searcy, OF
Lawrenceburg, Ky, blew out the gas in
Louisville hotel One was found dead.
the other dying.
A PILOT boat has drifted ashore at
beaufort, s C. and as heavy gale had
prevailed it was thought the pilots had
been lost
THE White River Methodist confer
ence tried Rev. n. b. Fizer on the
charge of going away from his church
without leave and running for Governor
of Arkansas and suspended him for
twelve months. Brother Fizer protest
ed vigorously, but the conference was
unanimous on the suspension.
AT Bramwell, w. Va, several men
were gambling and became involved in
quarrel, when man named Burdicl'
shot and fatally wounded five of his
companions and was shot dead himself
A mob took Burdick's body, stood it up
against tree and riddled it with bull
lets.
BATEMAN Bros, Wholesale grocers Of
Fort Worth, Tex, have assigned.
THE sugar house on Cartwright
Eustis' fusilier plantation in Louisianl
burned. Loss, 100000; insurance, $50,
900.
GENERAL SPINNER, ex-Treasurer o.
the United States, is slowly dying a
Jacksonville, Fla.
THE Schooner Mary Ellen, from Sails
bury, Nd, for Baltimore, is reported
lost, together with her crew of five meI
Captain Henry Wheatley and SON
William Abbott and son and Saul Gale
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1890-12-27
THE LATEST.


MApRID. Dec. 24.-The American Min
lister and Cuban deputation have ar
rived here to confer with the Prime Min
lister with view to settling the COM
mercial relations between the United
States and Cuba. The tariff commits
sion have submitted personal report
to the Government reciting the disast-
rous effects of protection and opposing
a further increase of duties.
New YORK, Dec. 24.-The United
States Court in banc has decided to deny
the motion in suspense of judgment and
for a new trial in the case of General
Peter j. Glassen. president of and
wrecker of the Sixth National Bank. AS
the court was unanimous, there can be
no appeal to the United States Supreme
Court. The extreme penalty is ten
years and $1,000 fine.
LONDON, Dec 24.-Advices have been
received to the effect that German
naturalist, Prof. Rains, has been found
murdered at Canea, in the island Of
Crete. Every thing, even to the clothes,
had been stripped from the body. The
Governor of the island has instituted an
inquiry into the case. Fifteen Chris
tians have been arrested on suspicion of
being concerned in the crime.
topeka, Kan, Dec. 24.-S. H. Dodge,
editor of the Beloit Gazette, has been
appointed regent Of the State Normal
School at EmpOria, vice W. II. Cald-
well, of Beloit, resigned. Mr.. Caldwell
will take charge of the Kerwin land
office, as receiver, January /.
LEXINGTON, KY, Dec. 24.-Pat Fahay
and Cornelius Sullivan. railroad section
men, quarreled over the Parnell situa-
ton yesterday. Fahay struck Sullivan
with an axe handle, when the latter cut
Fahay's throat and stabbed him to the
heart with knife. Fahay died instant
" and Sullivan fled.
BUEYOs AYREs, Dec. pa rumor is
current here that plot to overthrow
the Government has been discovered.
Several persons are said to have been
arrested for completely in the conspir-
acy.
New ORLEANS, Dec. 24.-During last
week there were 23G deaths in this city.
This number was never equaled since
the yellow fever epidemic, twelve years
ago. The large death rate is due to the
prevalence of 1.-The grip" of which there
are nearly $4,000 cases under treatment
here
PINE RIDGE, Dec. 94.-Sitting Balls
band Of $50 warriors, led by Big Foot,
has surrenderedtoC Colonel Sumner, who,
with 200 soldiers, succeeded in surround
ing them in the vicinity Of Standing
Rock while they were making for the
bad Lands
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1890-12-27
THE EAST.

The Orr dry goods house at Wilkes
barre, Pa, has failed
The miners convention at Altoona,
Pa, announced that they would imme-
diately demand an advance of five cents
per ton on all coal mined in Central
Pennsylvania Sixteen thousand men
may be affected
CUKRx & Sons large shoe factory,
Haverhill Masa. has been destroyed
by fre Loss $50. 600
THE miners about Altoona, Pa. have
decided to demand increase in wages
January /.
JUDGE BREWER, Of Kansas, will de-
liver the Grafton at the COMMENCEMENT
exercises Of the Yale law school next
June.
HENRY A. Brown, the Boston sugar
expert, asserts that the country will
lose SO, OOO, 900 year by the abolition
Of sugar duties and the payment %
bounties
The New York Herald publishes a
dispatch from Washington that Presi-
dent Harrison win shortly send mes
sage TO Congress demanding the means
20 enforce the removal Of British yes
sells from the Behring sea.
Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1890-12-27
GOLD FROM FARM-LANDs.

hnustible fertility and well watered'
and at the same time easily worked, be-
ing prepared by nature for the plow, you
may reasonably expectto find farming q
profitable occupation and the farmers in
such country making more than bare
living. Agriculture in such a country is
like mining-simply taking gold from
the soil in the shape of the finer grades
of wheat and other cereals, and 1T pos
sesses the great advantage over mining
that the amount of actual work neces-
sary to make it pay Is comparatively
very small.
Upon the great fertile prairies OF West
ern Canada, where millions of acres OF
the richest land in the world are COM
prised within the Provinces of Mani
itoba, Assiniboia, Alberta, ETC., settlers,
old and new, have simply taken gold
from the ground in the shape OF mag
nificent crops for the season of 1890.
Their gold is golden grain, but it
yields as sure returns as any metal ever
mined. The writer visited farm after
farm in Manitoba the past season
where the yield of wheat averaged from
80 to SO bushels per acre, and where
oats yielded frequently rs bushels per
acre of choice grain. Upon one farm OF
1,sOO acres, the crop of wheat and oats
was close to 10000 bushels, and of this
the first lot of 90, 900 bushels of wheat
was sold for SIC and SOC per bushel.
Close beside this large farm was small
one from which the owner had taken
his first crop. He had started with no
capital the year before, yet his crop Of
wheat was 1000 bushels and the quality
was SO good that he got s5c per bushel
for it, one cent bushel more than his
wealthy neighbor, which meant just
$3.50 for his first season in wheat alone.
With climate peculiarly adapted to
grain-growing, and a population repre-
senting nearly every nation, Western
Canada offers to the settler most
favorable chance to succeed among
friends or fellow countrymen of his own.