davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
WIT IN A SMALL WAY.

Sweetness and light-An under
weight pound of sugar.-lSan Franctsco
Bulletin.
THE poet scars" He does. He
scars up six flights to get to his room,
poor fellow. .-Boston Courier.
The potato is said to be deteriorating,
but it made many mash in its better
days,-1erro HaUte Express.
Well, WE'LL now we are to have IA
free.lunch trust. Here is more food
for MISUNDERSTANDING Patriot.
"a new trick is called the electric
touch" But don't try IL on the over
head wires. s.-Richmond Dispatch.
A man charged with attempting to
work racket ought to be tried in a
tennis court. Baltimore AmericGn
A small coal business is improbable,
because the nature of the commodity re.
quires a large cale.-.SmHh. Grdy d,
Cas- Mo0thN.
"Some things have gone about as far
as they can CO." says Rev. Sam Jones'
The globe -trotters, for instance. .-Fhila-
dolphia Record.
The tight coat sleeve is now thing
of the past, T" says fashion item; but
girls who are pretty all know better. -
SOmerri2e JOUfHaL
"Gnaw, you don't" as the cheese
said to the mouse, when he tried to eat
hole in the wire screen that covered
it,-DaRsciNe Breeze.
81 only charge you fair price," she
said, as Robinson objected to paying So
for buttonhole bouquet. : Yaalee
Blade.
Job was very patient man, and the
customers of the modern job printer
often have TO initiate his chief virtue
81. L0UiS CIitlc.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
Swagger Language.

From the ". +. EGeniag sun.
Words the swagger young woman
must use nowadays:
Chemist for druggist"
Fancy" for suppose.
Stop atone" for "stay at home"
Function" for any kind of social
gathering, except a very gay ball,
which must be called "rout."
"Drawing-roo for ''parlor."
Smart" for pretty"
"Sweets" for "candy"
Very well'' for all kinds of assent.
''To tub" for "to take morning
bath"
Clever for "shrewd" Or know
ing"
ITO Lent" for 'to withdraw from
the world for the Lenten season."
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
HOME.

A man may build mansion,
And furnish It throughout;
A man can build palace,
With lofty walls aud stout;
A man can build temple,
With high and spacious dome;
But no man in the world can build
The precious thing called home.
1t is the happy faculty
OF woman, far and wide,
To turn a cot or palace
Into something else beside
Where brothers, soAs and husbands,
tired,
With willing footsteps come
A place of rest where love abounds,
A perfect kingdom-IlOme.
London Spectator,
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

for those Of the Norlh--of bananas for
potatoes, Of coffee for flour, and so on
through the whole list Of tropical,
scmi.ropical temperate and semi.
arctic productions. II implies cN.
chaugeabe instead of competitive in
tercsts That Is, It implies real com
merce which makes the peoples Of
different nations friends, instead Of
competition, which often makes them
riNnls mud someiimcs ennmies.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
The Experiment. Tried.

From tie Nep YORK. Weekly.
Spirited Woman Ito big Plug L Ugly)-
Oh, if ! were only man wouldn't ]
teach you manners
Celestial Voice-Your prayer is
granted. You shall be man! Trans
forms her.
Big Plug, Ugly--What dc We soy?
Newly Made Man--Um-er-I was
merely remarking that it was very
pleasant Clay.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
Tho Editor,s Food.

From he Irise County (Ter.) Messenger.
We live to eat and we eat to live.
Bring us twenty-five cents worth of
peas, peaches. pears, plums, polecats
or possums, and get the best paper for
thirteen week. We will accept butter,
beans, eggs, chickens Gf fully hatched)
and any other digestible vegetable or
fruits. We eat anything except cod fish
or grindstones.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
A Runor Corrected.

From the PhiiddtiDhia Ledger.
Mr.. Gould is going to stock with
trout lake he has bought in the Cats
kills. The rumor that he would
pasture a lot of lambs from Wall street
on the banks is believed to be un-
founded.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

No AsrMNGEST injections, or soaring
with red-hot wire, is necessary In cases of
bleeding piles, when Old Saul's Pile Oint-
ment, the great popular remedy, is applied
and the directions followed. 90 cents.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
A Lively Town.

First Chicago Man-What kind Of a
place is New York, anyway?
Second Chicago Man (who has been
on visit TO the metropolis)-Pretty
fast. They begin to sell the evening
paper right after breakfast.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
A nsmart,, a nswer Tnrneth AVIAN Ca.h

From Jadge.
Customer-lIow do you sell sugar
this morning, Mr., Scales?
Grocer-By the pound, sir, same as
always.
Customer-Well, as | want two
pounds this morning, | guess I'll go
across the way to Mr. Counters.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
The Arlington.
THE ARLINGTON,
WAsnINeToN, D. c.,
March 6. 1890.

My DEAR DR. LTGHTIIILL:
1t gives me great pleasure to state
that you effected remarkable cure of
deafness and discharge from the ears in
the case of my cousin, Marcus G.
Roessle, and that the cure has proved as
permanent as it was radical. feel sure
that without your skillful aid my cousin
would have been deaf man all his
life. Knowing of other cases in which
you have been equally successful, |
cheerfully give you leave to refer to me
at any time, and hope that your prac
tice in Washington will prove a distin
guished success.
Yours, truly, 7. L. RoEssLE.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
Usually.
Ftom the Ioul.eJs Statesman.

TTOHt We uIINtT6 lS7WTtHNlWV
Crimsonbeak--Why do they call this
material they make sidewalks of Amer
lean flags?
Yeast-I suppose because when you
strike the back of your head on one you
see stars.
"Yes, but you see more than forty
two stars.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
WATCHES.
M. W. GALT BRO. & CO.
uO1 Pennsylvania Ave-.
IIO1 Pennsylvania Ave-.

Call attention to Meir stock
Of WatcAeS, c0mbr7Stng all
the most desirable moOemeNts
and styles Of casing, from tile
I0aVeSt br1ce for a0hich a re-
liable hme-keeber can be
bought to the most efbenSire.
These aOatcheS bear 0ur
firm name and are fully
guaranteed.
american NJ a lth a m
WateheS OfaH grades.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

see It's way to the money. New York
begins to talk again, and to make uu-
pleasant and invidious remarks. After
getting the thing out Of Government
hands it is too much to ask for "a
national grant. Wherever the Fair is
held the Government will attend to its
own exhibit, and, in the circumstances,
it cannot be expected to do more. At
one point the bill before Congress is
superhuous. 1t calls for Chicago
Commemorative Ceremonial on October
II, 1892, with fair to open the fol.
lowing May. The national celebration
should be held here at the Capital, in
accordance with the programme which
has already been adopted, and that IL
will he so observed is assured as far rs
the reason of the case and the proprie.
ties of the occasion can give warrant.
TIE FIFTY FIRST CoNGREss has al
ready made good its claim to one merit
at least It will be generally admitted
that it is industrious 1t seems to have
bucklcd down to work in earnest, aud
since, under the new rules, fillibustering
is rendered difficult, the likelihood is
that considerable business will be done
at an earlier period in the session than
has been usual. BY this industry the
District is a gamer. Yesterday was a
very satisfactory day for local interests,
and there was some valuable discussion
in regard to our street railways, both
existing and prospective. Customarily
the busy days of a session have been its
last. 1t is at once proper and happy
change which makes Congress attentive
to its appointed work during the earlier
months of its meeting.
The LATEST REFoRMER to announce
himself is David Dudley Field. In a
recent speech he said there were six
problems before the American people
honest government, woman suffrage,
the negro race, the rights of labor, the
government of cities and the govern
ment of corporations. The most i'm
portant Of these, in Mr.. Fields opinion,
is honest government, and to secure
that he believes ballot reform to be the
first step. According to him this
should include not only secrecy and
freedom from intimidation and corrup
tion, but also compulsory voting. Mr.
Field, however, does not indicate how
the independent citizen is to be driven
into doing his duty as voter
a CORRESPONDENT says that Edward
Bellamy, the author of Looking Back
ward" is in ill.health. The Nationalist
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

A CORRESPONDENT says that Edward
Bellamy, the author of Looking Back
ward" is in health. The Nationalist
party, founded on the theori,s which
Bellamy's book exploits, is also in very
i'll health
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

ONLY TWENTY-FIVE CENTS for a bottle
of salvation ON, the new and popular
liniment.
Old John Browns fort at Iarper's Ferry
is not SO celebrated as Dr. Bulls Cough
Syrup.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11
Practically the Same.
From HE PHILADELPHIA Times.

FfON Wt IWTIUVNIHfU IWleS,
Oriental ways are so different from
ours. The Sultan of Zanzibar keeps
people in prison eighteen years before
he tries them, whereas we try them
eighteen years before we put them in
prison, and even then we let them off.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

The potato is said to be deteriorating,
but it made many mash in its better
days Terra Haute Express.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

THE WINDY CITY" does not seem to
be having a salubrious and wholesome
time with its Worlds Fair scheme II
will take about $l5, 10000 to start that
institution, and Chicago does not quite
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

THE poet scars" He does. He
scars up six flights to get to his room,
poor fellow. .-Boston Courier.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

Sweetness and light-An under
weight pound of sugar.-San Francisco
Bulletin.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

SPEAKING or KossUTn, Jefferson
Davis once said of him that he was not
the man for the leader of a revolution,
but he was the very man to be its editor.
He ought to have been good authority,
for he himself proved to be better
editor than leader of a revolution.
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

The CENSUS BUREAU is receiving
some surprising replies to its inquiries
regarding the vital statistics of the col
orcd race. A colored clergyman whose
address is Skunk Hollow, Miss, an
swers that the chief question in his
neighborhood is not "about the exist
ence and propagation of negroes, but as
to what should be done with the white
folks"
The Washington critic., 1890-03-11

Well, well! now we are to have IL
free.lunch trust. Here is more food
for MISUNDERSTANDING Patriot.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
AGENTS WANTED.

Fol Tub Rates. or any further information de.
sired write legiby to the signed clearly stat.
Ing vour residence. with state. County street and
Nunter. More rapid return mail delivery will he
assured by your enclosing an Envelope hearing
your full address, N
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26

4 boar belonging to Florence Dona-
hue, a wealthy lrishinan Of Rockland,
attacked Deacon Hiram lngraham in
his barn. whittier he had strayed,
rushed between his legs upset him,
carried him twenty-five feet to the
edge Of nigh walk, where the deacon
fell oif and the boar, weighing 400
pounds, fell on top of him, breaking
his thigh. The deacon was laid up a
long time aud may be lame for life, as
he is Is years old.
No settlement having been effected,
the deacon sued Donahue for 5000
damages. The defense denied that
Donahue owned the boar, and said
that be had sold him TO his son Frank,
and showed Franks book 10 prove the
sale. Plaintiffs counsel contended
that the entries were fraudulent and
made subsequent 10 the deacon's inju.
ries, in different ink and after the
other accounts had been footed up and
transferred to the ledger. Thus the
case went TO the jury, which, after
having been out short time, returned
o verdict Of s577. 25 for the Deacon
Lewiston Journal.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26

During the time that Frederick
William III was at war with France,
and while his army was in bad con
iillon, he dreamed one night that
three mice came into his room. of
which one was lean, another fat and
the third blind. The next morning
the king related this dream to his gen
erals and expressed the wish that ssme
one would interpret for him.
One of the generals replied that
there was soldier in his regiment
who was accustomed 10 interpret
dreams. The king allowed the soldier
to come and then told him his dream.
The soldier appeared very much
frightened, and begged to be excused
from interpreting this dream as he
was afraid to offend his majesty.
The king, however, urged him, and
really wished TO know the meaning Of
this dreari. The soldier then explain
ed it thus: THE lean mouse signifies
the Prussian army, consumed with
hunger; the fat mouse signifies the
army contractors, who enrich and fat.
ten themselves with the kings money,
but the blind mouse signifies yourself,
who sees neither of the two.
And whoever knows the history Of
that campaign is aware that the Prus.
sian Joseph interpreted correctly -
Exchange.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
The Great Northern Highway.

Three yearSago the writer read an
article about the Canadian Pacific rail.
way with smile Of incwdulity. Ii
sounded odd in his ears then. but in
view Of the present facts, and of the
spectacle of cities springingup as il by
magic, where but yesterday wilder.
ness was, lac finds that il reads like
prophecy now. One sentence of that
article may pardonably he quoted
here To point "A moral aud adorn this
tale. 1t is as follows: with just pride
in her work. the greatest, perhaps,
that has ever been accomplished by
human hands. Canada presents this
property To the empire as her contribu.
ton Ia her power and unity-a new
highway tn Britain's possessions in the
east, guarded throughout by loyal
hearts. Bat she will not rest with this.
Her new iron girdlc has given mag
netIc impulse Ia her fields. her mines
and her manufactures. and the mod.
est colony If yesterday is today AN
energetic nation with great plans and
hopes and aspirations. Walter l..
Phillips in Journalist.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
A Perfect Wife Ia Iangier.

\ Moorish gentleman. one llasan.
related Ia me the history uf his three
marriages and ,irscantcdon the perfec-
ton of his present wife, The first. he
said was ms cousin. III" bought her
beautiful clothes and furniture. but
after some time she gave him words.
Instantly he sent her back. with all he
had given her. and took another wife.
She llnd given him three girls. dead.
and boy. who sill survives. TIE
second wife went all right. till one day
she took it into hor head la 90 la the
vapur bath without hi, permission.
"Who gave you leave 10 ~ Ia the va
por bath without me-" hc asked. Il
don't require auybudy'> leave" an.
swered she. And immediately" he
added. with that energetic downward
pointing gcsrlrc. II sent her home,
with all til" things | had ever given
her. ~ regards the present wife. he
was quite delighted with her. She
made all the childrrn'> clothes and her
own: She could sew with the machine; /;
she cooked. she never required to buy
"A bottle of orange or rose water. so eX.
cellemtly did She prepare i, herself
above all, she never wanted Ia 20 out !.
Never once inc said. has she aske,i
leave Ia go out-not from one wears
end 10 another. Never wants 10 leave
the house or to See any One-nevcr
even crosses the street All" he said,
''sle i, "A woman of excellent reputa.
ton. Vernon Lee in New Review.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
IDENTIFICATION.
some Cold Philosophy Concerning a Uni.
yersal banking IIule.

Seisai thanking isuir.
An honest man was recently refused
payment ON draft drawn on the Oma-
ha National bank for $500. the draft
being on Paymaslcr Wilson. Ii was
only with great deal of difficulty and
personal Inconvenience to the man that
he secured the necessary identification
and got his money. The circumstance
recalls another which recently oc-
CURED in one of the st. Paul banks.
4 man entered with the check of u
Ncll known wholesale firm for $50.
"Iou will have To get some one to
identify you." said the cashier
WHO shall | geti' inquired the
man.
ANY one whom we know"
Il must get somebody whom you
know and who knows me at the same
timei
YES; that's il exactly"
"Well, who do you knowi"
"Mei q. | know several hundred
people in the city"
DO they know mel"
How should | know"
"How should | know whom you
know! That's fair question"
We'll, have got no time TO waste.
The rules of the bank are that you
must be- identified before | can cash
your check
"Why so.'
For the banks protection"
"Yes, but what protection have !
gotl"
what do you mean"
Il am the rightful owner of this
check. 1t is lndorsed by the party
from whom | received it. 1t is my
property, and il calls for $50 in your
hands that you refuse Ia give me be-
cause You do not move in my circle Of
society aud have never enjoyed the
honor and pleasure of my acquaini.
ance. Very good; | retire without my
money, and IN the course %. the day
lose my check. Ii is found by some
one whom you do know; he presents
it, draws EIy $50 and skips. Is that
fair! What protection does your con.
founded red tape rule afford the honest
customer of your bank! None at all.
This check may be presented by "A
thief. but If you are personally ac-
quainted with him you are obliged TO
give hlm my money. | think at the
next national convention of bankers
you would do well to bring this ques.
lion mp and secure some kind Of
equitable legislation to protect the
holders of checks as well as the banks. -
The man went out directly follow
ing this philippe, and returned in
ten minutes with "A gentleman high in
financial circles. Thereupom the check
was cushed. st. Paul Pioneer Press.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
Poets aud the stock Market.

Among American poets said a
book dealer, "Longfellow has the
lead, my sales Of Longfellow being
about equal to that Of Swinburne.
Lowell is popular poet, but he is at
a disadvantage in that no uniform
edition of his works has ever been pub.
lished. Emerson has a fair sale /:
nothing extra. Do you know that the
stock market affects considerably the
sale Of valuable booksi A broker who
has made a good day of it will stop in
and order fine edition Of some au-
thors works without regard to the cost.
The dul! market depresses the high
class book trade. New York Star.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
Hungry Iowa Rats.

Lewis Johnson, Of Falesburg, Ia,
had horrible experience with rat
He awoke from his sleep with a jump
TO find big rat nibbling at his eye
brows. Ii was long time before he
could go to sleep again, and when he
did the rat made use of its opportu.
nifty. II crawled again on the top Of
the bed and began to feed on Mr..
Johnson's nose II only took good
bite or two, sinking the teeth deeply.
Lewis was too much hurt and terrified
TO tell fora while what had happened.
The nose was badl y swollen from the
effects Of the biting Exchange.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
A LAZY Spot Somexhere.

The number of people killed by
lightning in 1889 was exactly the
number hanged for murder. Some peo-
pie may call this a singular cofnci.
dence, but it isn't. II simply shows
that there was lazy spot somewhere,
and that one side or the other ought
TO be ashamed Of its poor showing
Detroit Free Press.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26
Need Of Men, Not of Specialists.

The evil Ia be greatly apprehended,
by reason of the tendencies ct opinion
in the popular mind of late, is, as it
seems Ia me. that we shall bring for
ward generation of impertectly edu-
Gated specialists in this coun,ry. No
result is. in NV Judgment, more TO be
,rprrcaIcd than this. Indeed, il may
be- doubted whether i'm every sense
such Il result could properly be regard.
cd ~ progress at all, The fathers had
at least n wide outlook, "a, far as their
field oi vision reached, They believed
in mrn, not in mere workers III the
great human workshop. They he
lievcd IN individual men. full grown
and matured in their whole manhood,
and not in mere scholars orpractition-
ers in some one section of life or knowl-
eugr. whose mental culture should be
limited Ia that one section.
Men are what We need III this
country. not lawyers. or physicians,
ar ministers. but men men who,
whatever may he their profession !;
men who, whatever may be the eX-
tent Of their knowledge in their own
peculiar science, know much that
is beyond their science, and see the
glory Of all knowing and of all truth.
Education. according To the true view
Of il. is like religion. II seeks the in
dividual that it may bestow upon him,
in himself. the fullness Of its blessing.
1t strives to perfect the world in its
own sphere by making perfect the in
dividuals who form the world. Ii de-
sires, and tries, therefore, regarding
this as its first and foremost work, To
give completeness 10 each one whom
it approaches. President Dwight in
Forum.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26

Martin Smith, a resident Of Mon
treal, had James Fits arrested for
threatening him with deadly weap.
on. Fits proved that it was only a
cold potato but the court held that it
came within the meaning Of the law,
% il had not been cooked through,
end Fits gets three months in Jail.
Be- careful how you threaten to kill .
man with a baked apple. Detroit
Free Press.
Daily Yellowstone journal., 1890-04-26

Alfred-Why did you marry Miss
SMITH
George Well, I knew her age and
her birthday Aug. 1, 1859.
Alfred Welli
George asked her "how old are
you" and she said 81 was born Aug. 1,
t6So."-Epoch.
Scranton Wochenblatt. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1865-1918, 1890-07-10
Ser Seutf6 amerifanif6be Ges
benfs xan.

Sm @eiten besinnt man i6On isst
bier mb ba, 10 in st. 2ouiS, NIT 8ors
februnsen sur 5eier bes beuti6s ameris
faniI9en @ebenf: Cages am na6iten 6.
Sftober, Der nun einmal ourd Ra6ens
3uitimmuns beS beuti9en Clements su
elmer iol6en 9emonitration auSerforen
i6eint.
Sm Often interehirt man ii9 tpenis
ger fir bic Sade, NIT gluSnabme 9enns
ipIpaniens unb beionberS 9bilabeIpbias.
Sier puroe betanntIi6 bas erite Siss
nal su bieier Seier in 1883 seeeben,
alS Der Sag Der eriten Maiiens 9lnfunft
beuti6er BiOniere 3um 3tpeibuncertiten
Dtale tpieoerfebrte.
Der beuti9 amerifanii9e Pioniers
8erein in BbiIabeIpbia mar es, ipel6er
3uerlt bic gSitutipn fir bieie Seier bss
Sonnen bate, na9bem in ieinen Bee
ratbunsen unb 8ortrdSen, namentIi6
our9 Or. Sstpalb Seibenitider, Die
senaueiten ginseIbeiten ienes greiBni1s
leS ererdnbet un6 befannt seiporben
iparen, nel6eS iofprt bic oeuti6en
Munens ginipanberuneen sur SoIse ee.
babt bat.
Bon ben WiteIieSern be8 9biIaSels
pbia 8ioniers&ereins sins bann bic
4sitation unb Organization Der breitds
eiSen SubeI'Seier in 1883 aus, moran
iid baS ean3e beutide Clement YbiIas
belpbia's in SroBartisiter @eiie betbeis
Ii9te. Die 9tufforoerunB an ale Seutfds
9Imsrifaner alsr Orten sur sIsibseitis
gen Seier bieieS Cages fiibrte ni9t BLOB
in 9ennipIoanien, iOnOern in elmer gro.
Ben 9lnsabl bon Stdeten in anoeren
Stuaten gu dbnIt6en SeitIi4teiten pie
bier.
8On iener Seit itammt bic S6ee, baB
Der 6. Ottobsr aIs sumerltaniider
9tational Sag in iebsm Sabr sefeiert
tperben iolIe, ebenfaIIs tpie bic Jteus
gnsIdnoer allidbrlid bic 4nfunft ibrer
Yilsrims8dter feiern. Sn BbiIabeI.
pbia ipurbe bieS oamaIS bei6lofen, unb
aud in fIeineren 8reiien ausSefilbrt
I'M pOriBen Sabre purbe enblia bel
elmer 8rDBen SSeier burd bic Maiiens
8eriammluns babel beI9lohen, in iebem
Sabre bieieIbe sI erneuern.