The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1890-12-20
Thoughts About Present Giving.

Sham and show, perplexity, annoyance
and extravaganza have crept into the Gus
tom of gift-giving. Though one may make
a gift out Of the depth of the heart, and do
it becomingly and unassumingly, yet 1t
seems as if a dozen influences were bearing
on to force him into a greater expense than
he can afford, or to give where he is re-
luctant to do so, or where he must make Il
show of the article given. Quiet, uaos
tentatious, spontaneous giving shines bright
", when we find it amid the dreary heart
lessness, the gaudy show and the heart
burnings that often accompany the formal
giving that is part of social life.
The reader may call to mind some we'd
ding or birthday anniversary that she is
invited to help celebrate. The problem Of
all problems, even outranking the common
sWhat shall | wear?" then is, "What
present shall | send ?" 1t is not enough
to 90 and participate in the social duties
and to be cordial in wcl-wishing and con-
graduation, for none of this will pardon
the neglect of oversight of the gift There
will be the question, "Where is Mrs Jack
sons present" and then the unpleasant
comment if she has made none. So Mrs.
Jackson sets out to find some compromise
between pride and purse, perhaps poverty,
something that costs no more than absO-
utely compulsory, and yet looks as if it
were worth a great deal more; something
that the other guests will not look at
slightly, if not speak of contemptuously, or
at least think of in the same spirit. And
then the guests compare their proxies of
themselves and put themselves on exhibit
ton. after fashion, about in the same way
that they would do if they were to stand
up before committee of critics and have
the style and elegance Of their clothing
passed upon. The show is at last over,
but the iealousies and heart burnings re-
main, the fear that responsibility has been
endangered by the insignifeance of the gift,
or the overlapping consciousness Of a few
that they each made the best, or one of the
best, presents of the lot. Afterward, as is
more or less the custom in some parts of
the country, the names of the donors and
a brief description of their gifts appear in
some newspaper, there to undergo further
comparison and criticism and all the train
of accomplishments. Finally, if the pres
ent was valuable enough, it may find its
way to shop where duplicate presents are
bought and sold, so little did the receiver
care about the personality of the giver, Or
to such little use is it to the recipient among
several other presents of the same kind.
Gift-extortion and compulsory gift-mak-
ing are little less than sinful, if they fall
short of that Gifts are by no means al
ways the token of friendship, and, when
combined with the abuses that are often
made to accompany them, they are demon
aizing; they are unpleasant features Of
what take the form of duties, and they are
dark spots in social life. Something is
wrong when present is made test of
social standing, or when it is made the pre-
requisite for performing social act There
is an opportunity for reform when what is
apparently friendly deed is confessedly
empty of honest intent, when it is burden
some, annoying, compulsory, false-hearted
or made for show, or evidence of wealth,
or merely for social conformity. The only
excuse that one can make for abuses of
gift-making is that their compulsory feat
ures have the effect of putting people into
the habit of making presents at time
when their friendly feelings have not be-
come strong to prompt the act unaided.
With the growth of these feelings the Gus
tom gradually gets better and surer foun-
dation and stands more plainly in harmony
with civilization. A gift should be an en-
bodiment of sentiment, from which cost
should be totally divorced as an element of
weight, and with which no social COM
pulsion should be linked, except the compul-
sion of spontaneous expression of feeling.
The world is not good enough for this yet;
but some attempt, if only feeble one, if
general enough, would be II green oasis in
The social desert