The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1890-03-08
MARK TwAIN's REMAINS.


An Old Printer Tells New story OF the
Famous Humorist.
j. H. Stebbins, an old printer, gives
this unpublished "reminiscences OF Mark
Twain:
ut was when he was known only as
Sam Clemens. He was local reporter on
the Virginia City Enterprise. and I
was printer on the same paper.
Clemens was writing humorous
sketches, but his fame as humorist
was young yet. He was an inveterate
smoker and smoked the foulest-smell-
Ing pipe in Virginia City, by all odds.
Clemens Office was just of the COM
posing-room and although printers,
as q rule, are not squeamish about
pipes and things. this pipe was breed
ing a revolution. 1t smelled so infer
nally bad that we always spoke of it
as The Remains.' There were numer-
Gus plots suggested to get The Re-
mains out OF the way, but we hesi-
lated about putting them into execu-
ton when we learned that it was a
pipe OF considerable value, and one
that he cherished on account Of its
associations or something. It was
clear, however, that something
had to. done. and we finally
concluded to present Clemens with
a new pipe. We had suffered SO
much from the old pipe OF thousand
smells that we felt justified in making
him the victim of joke. If we could,
and SO we secured the town, and
bought the cheapest pipe we could
find that would pass after night for a
good one. think it cost us thirty
cents. One night, after we had the
paper up. we all filed solemnly out into
the local room and presented Clemens
with the pipe. We threw as much
ceremony into the presentation as pos
sible. One of the boys made an adj
dress that was really affecting. He
talked about the toilers in the profess
sion of journalism, their long nights of
labor when all the rest of the world
was wrapped in peaceful slumber.
Then he worked in some of the poetry
about tobacco and the solace it afforded
the tired brain. He spoke OF the warm
friendship that existed between the To-
cal department and the composing
room. and hoped nothing would ever
occur to sever these silken ties. Then
he handed him the twenty-five cent
fraud. wiped his fingers through his
eyes and sat down.
Clemens was knocked completely
out for time, but he pulled himself
together, and returned his thanks in a
very feeling manner. He said the
pretty gift from his co-workers on the
paper touched him deeply, and he
would retain it long as souvenir Of
pleasant days. The old pipe had long
been friend and companion. 1t had
been a comforter in lonely hours; but
this handsome gift from friends he
loved made the parting easy, and, as a
climax to his remarks, he threw the
ill-smelling old-timer out of the win
dow. We accepted his invitation to 60
down stairs with him, and knowing
tll6 tnlScE6otO SW1uuhC VIC iidA pei pS-
trated. every dollar he spent gave US
pang.
1.-The very next night, while Clemens
was smoking his new pipe, the bowl OF
the cussed thing split open from stem
to stern. We heard him growing to
himself. and looking out of a hole in
the wall through which he showed
copy, we saw him brushing the ashes
of his desk and clothes, and swearing
softly in a very picturesque manner.
He didn't say word to US about the
pipe or its fate, and you bet we said
nothing to him. 1t was evident, how.
ever. that he had done some thinking,
for he appeared at the Office next night
complacently smoking The Remains.
He had gone down into the backyard
aud hunted it up.-N. Y. World.