davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
Bad Glasses.

Il don't know that ever heard of a clearer
case of theft said the southern judge of the
peace when negro had been arraigned before
him.
Il doan see how you make that out, sab, " the
negro answered.
you don't? will explain You were pass
ing grocery store and snatched bunch OF
bananas"
''You'se wraung dar, sab Iwuz gwine laupg
by de sto' an on er uident foun' de 'nanas in
mer han an shet down on m an walked on or
way. Pusson's got er right ter shet down on
whuteber he fms in his han"
Yes. but he has no right to reach over and
grab somethin1s that does not belong to him,
How do you account for the fact that the
bananas were in your hand?''
We'll, sab, it is cuts, but it wuz all on er
count O. deze yere specktikles"
What have they to do with its"
III tell you dat-tell you right now Some.
time er go gunter lose my eyesight an l got
deze yere specks Gaze er white man lowed da
would fetch things clost ter me- Da did. sab.
Wy, sab, everything I'd look at would come
right up ter me- an while | wuz standin' i'm
front o dat sto', looked at dem 'nanas an de
specks da drawed de things right I'D ter me.
KANT blame er pusson for whut his specks
does, kin you? Ell you wants ter hol de specks
'sponcerble, yere da is. You may break EN- eff
you wants ter, aldo da cost me money"
Il think, d" said the judge, that should re-
move you from danger. / don't want to rob
you OF your glasses, So rather than dread that
you may draw some great trouble up close TO
you, will send you to Jail awhile Shaving
in the dark awhile may improve your ewes rs
such an extent that you may not need your
GLASSES ~ -
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
He Started a Graveyard.

Out IN the Erie coal fields near Burlington,
Col, says the Detroit Free Press, few years
ago lean freckled-faced follow, with high
Spanish heels on his boots. walked into the Stone
and Quartz saloon at Burlington, and leaning
his long body on his bony arms on the bar
turned round to the dozen loiterers who were
in the place, and with crawl drew his lantern
jaw down on his flannel shirt and said:
How long has this yer camp been run
nin'?"
Two years" replied the bartender without
raising his eyes.
Graveyard begun yitf"
Not yit."
Bout time the camp had one. s'pose I
start one?'
One bony arm left the bar. 1t never reached
its owners belt. There was a noise tina
sounded like man dropping log chain in an
empty hardware store, and this noise was fol
lowed by crash of exploding six shooter.
from the loiterers. curtain of white smoke
rolled up against the ceiling. The man at the
bar made lurch and then fell upon the floor
Six bullets we're in his body.
A graveyard was started in Burlington next
morning. The lean man started il himself
Burlington is now wiped out but high up OF
Bear Rib Butte is one grave. 1t is the only one
the camp left.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
BRIGHT BITS.

If WE could know how little others care to hear
our tales;
If they could know how what they say upon our
hearing stales;
If sucl state of circumstances we shall ever
o, what a very quiet place this noisy world will
be! Chicago Post.
do YOU SMOKER the maiden asked sud-
denly.
Yves sometimes" he stammered
We'll, wish you'd smoke now. These mos
qutos are eating me up. '-NeU York Herald
WERE any of your Enclosures to the maya
zines accepted by the editor?" said one young
writer to another.
Nothing. believe, but the stamps that in
closed for return postage. - Washington Post.
WHAT" Alone at dinner Gertey'
"Y s; while we were boarding George always
dined with me, but now that we're housekeep
ing, and do my own cooking, he is so busy at
the office he hardly ever has time to come to a
home meal at all. - Philadelphia Times.
SAY, Doubleup," said Engleman looking up
from his paper, here's a meteorologist who
says the severest storms always begin about
Midnight"
H IS right That is about the time fire.
ouently reach home and find my wife awake. q"
-NorrtstO1on Herald.
HARRY-Dearest, I love you better and
better every moment, and long for the time
to come when you shall be my own dear wife.
Dearest-O, well, Harry, there's plenty OF
time, and as you say your loves increasing all
the time, it would be foolish TO marry before it
became fully ripe.-Boston Transcript.
JINKs-why, Blinks, what's become of
your watch?
Blinks-Sat in the train next to a man who
asked me ten times in one hour if l had the
time.
Blinks-Gave him the watch.-Jewelers Cir
cIIar.
Mrs. WABAsH-And how does the breakfast
suit you, dear'
Mr.. Wabash-O. it is perfect, except the
coffee. You don't make as good coffee as my
first wife did must confess
Mrs. Wabash-Never mind, dear; she's going
to call on me to morrow and l will get her
| recipe then.-LndtdndDOlis Journal.
SISTER LIZZIE was to be married in few
months and she was putting in the interval of
| leisure preparing for the ceremony in the way
| of dress by experimenting on her family in the
cooking line. Little John was going to bed and
went through his usual prayers up to the point
| of saying give us this day our daily bread ~
when some distressing memory struck him, and
| he added, But don't let Lizzie bake it,
| american HebretC.
SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM. -Professor-I again
call your attention to the too common use of
trite expression. Mr.. Quilts. can you not find a
fit substitute for the well-worn phrase: He
died a natural death.''
| Mr. Quilts (about to graduate as managing
| city editorial correspondence hief)-We sir
/ suggest he died without medical aid" How
would that do?''
| Professor-It is excellent, Mr.. Quills.-Har
| per'S Bdzdr.
| JOHNNY, add one to one, and how many have
| your"
"One."
Give an example,"
| "When one man marries one woman"
| Correct. Willie, take one from one, and how
many have you?''
| Two"
| "How's that"
Take one man and divorce him from one
| woman and you have two. "-Neto York Sun
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
The Deadly Railroad Joke.

Every railroad, says the Pittsbrg Dispatch,
has its regulation jokes, so to speak. Jokes
that are racy of the rail Some of them are
puns that travellers deli hit Co make upon the
names of stations. The jokes so-called are ap-
parently always in season. There is no close
time for them. For instance, IL is pretty safe
to say that Fort Wayne train never stops at
Dlxmont, but someone says fac 'tiously TO his
nelghbor All here's your station.' or asks
with fine irony Don't you get out here?"
This particular joke-for it is a joke, of
course-is made with frightful frequency at
country cousins to the PittsburS exposition
When the brakeman opens the door of the car
and yells more or less melodiously: ID gsmon'
or Amont, or any other railroad equivalent
Tor Dlxmont, you will see at least one on two
humorlsts playing the changes on this venerable
wlttlclsrn. You may not laugh over the Jest
now, but you must remember that it was new
and funny TO YOU once upon time
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
Commodore R. c. Hit has just started on

Commodore R. c. Hit has just started on
cruise from Bozeman. in Eastern Mon
tana, to the coast of Florida in curious
little steamer, recently built of mountain
fir within the shadow of the mountain
where the timber grew, and launched at
Bozeman, near the source of the Missouri,
400 miles above the head of navigation.
She is % feet long, 5 feet beam, so inches
depth of hold. She is a screw propeller,
with marine engine and boiler Of l a horse
power, and rides the water like a duck
Cabin accommodations for three are pro-
vided. Scientific experiment in shallow
river navigation is believed to be the object
of the voyage, though it is kept secret.
After portage around the great falls of
the Missouri she will have clear sailing to
the Gulf. Whatever the purpose of the
queer little crafts cruise, she will be watched
with desp interest by all who are interested
in navigation the country over.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26

Keep your feet warm and dry
Wear waterproof boots in preference 70 49,
tics or r1bberS.
Keep you're on your umbrella, You will
need it yourself.
Stop cough or a cold at once. Pneumonia
and consumption may be started by either.
IL you wear rubbers take them OF wbenara-
you have the chance, eTen if only for a few min.
utes.
Ii you feel cough or cold coming on tara
a drink OF pure whiskey at once 1t viii keen
the blood in circulation and is the best prevent
i've against the diseases of the season.
Remember that only pure whiskey should ba
taken Duffy's Pure Malt whiskey has the
strongest recommendations from the LEADING,
scientists and medical men in the country. and
Is the only standard medicinal whiskey known
Insist on bavingit.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
A Day Dram.

Among the whalers who went out from New
England fifty years ago was Que Capt. Day, says
RdTDer's Magazine, an estimable and devout
man-for whaler. After particularly pr os-
porous voyage they anchored one Sunday in a
little bay on the eastern coast. and tue captain
proposed to his mate TO go ashore and attend
service in the evening. AS il happened the
captain fell asleep as the sermon began, and
soon q long drawn sigh. resembling at times
snort, sounded from his corner. The
minister, young, strong-voiced man,
was bent upon impressing his bearers
with the genuineness Of the mira
cles OF the oden time. Not in the shadow OF
night, 0, my brethren: not in the darkness; no,
But, brethren. 10 the light of day. BY a ores
cendo movement his voice increased in power
until the word day" eliminated ia a SHREK
and the worthy captain heard it in his dreams,
and thoughts of whales came to him.
An hands upi' he shouted. jumping on the
seat; man the boats" and swinging his hand
around, he brought his index finger to bear di-
rectly upon the astonished dominic, Announcing
IN stentorlan tales There she blows
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
What VIII Quay Do About Itp

There is no doubt that majority Of the
republicans Of the House approve Repre-
sentative Kennedy's speech in which he at
tackled Senator Quay, the chairman Of the
national republican committee. and they
would not have voted TO keep It out Of the
permanent edition of the Congressional
Record If it had not also contained en- at
tack upon the Senate. In order to show a
proper regard for the dignity of the
Senate they were compelled to do some
thing that would amount to a mild censure
of Kennedy. 1t is noticeable, however,
that leading republican members Of the
House sought out Kennedy and expressed
their approval of his speech Immediately
after they had voted to keep his speech out
of the permanent Record. And what did
the resolution Of censure amount to-
Nothing at all. Even before the speech. in
nutilated form, was printed in the Record
the newspapers ia all parts Of the cOuh
try had published all those parts OF it in
which the public was likely to be interested.
AS a matter of fact nobody cared particu-
larly whether it was printed IN the perma-
nent edition Of the Record or not
to take with respect to the charges against
him which the speech contained. Is he
going to maintain silence and pursue the
even tenor of his way' That appears to be
the only course open to him, unless he re-
signs the Craftsmanship of the national re-
publican committee. 1t is hardly probable
that he could show that the charges are
false and he now knows that many of the
leading members of his party think
they are true. If there had been doubt
about their truth there would not have
been so long delay in deciding upon the
course to be pursued with respect to Repre-
sentative Kennedy's speech, and Kennedy
would not have been so generally congratu-
lated by the republican representatives
after the course decided upon had been
taken.
The majority of the republican leaders in
congress virtually admit that the manager
of their party has q bad record. Ii they
permit him to remain at the head Of their
party they will. by such course, virtually
say to the world that mans moral charac-
ter is matter of no consequence to them,
and that what they want IN a leader is not
but the ability to achieve success.
however Objectionable his methods may be.
As the Republican party hasn't very
tender conscience nor a very savory record,
it is highly probable that Senator Quay
will continue to direct its affairs if be
wants to. .I-
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
No Discrimination Against Dazz

Every one remembers the story of Ruins
Choate, says the New York Times, who. when
asked by the court to quote the precedent
which just fed his making a certain assertion.
responded: Cheerfully, your honor, though in
so doing will have to deprive your honor of
cedent yourself"
Well, here IS even a better yarn Of a legal pre.
cedent. which was picked up by William Henry
Hurloert while searching materials for his work
on ireland Under Coercion
Hurlbert was in Cork one Easter week during
the spring assizes and dropped into court on
Holy Thursday afternoon to see how the crown
officials disposed of agrarian cases in that hi :
treSsful country.
The court was about to adjourn for the dav
and the trial of the prisoner in the dock who
was charged with shooting his landlord was
not yet over Every possible chance to delay
the proceedings was beng eagerly grasped by
the defense, and before the days business was
half concluded the prisoners counsel was doing
all in his power to have the court adjourn until
Saturday on account of next day being Good
Friday.
1T is holy day an a solemn day, me Ind ~
explained the fervid barrister. -" there is no
record, me lud Ia the annals of criminal iuris-
prudence; no record whatever OF a mans beino
tried for his life on such a sacred day."
I'VE must protest against any such DELAY. me
lud." contested the counsel for the prosecution
There is absolutely no precedent to Justify It's
being granted"
Il regret l cannot agree with our learned
brother for the prosecution" said the assize
judge, Old Baron Dowse; one of the cleverest
and wittiest men that ever sat on the Irish
oench, and as he spoke, the face of the counsel
for the defeuse visibly frightened IA prece-
dent for such delay does exist. but that prece-
dent was established at trial which this court
refused to take cognizance Of. As we'll as we
can remember. a ruling sdiourning proceedings
out Of respect to the Holy Day, now Known as
Good Friday. was mode on a certain memorable
occasion IN toe court presided over by Pontius
PLATE. But be 1t here understood that pooe of
the rulings made at that trial a. recognized in
her majesty's high court Of justice In Ireland
and therefore declare that proceedings 10 this
morning, ct 1890 O'Clock. ''
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
The s32 Per Bale pronosi,,on.

The Pittsburg DiSpdtcl. makes the state
ment that was telegraphed from Montgom-
cry the other day, that an English syndi-
cate had agreed to loan alliance farmers s32
a bale on 1,000,o bales of cotton, the sub
ject of quite lengthy editorial, in the
course Of hich it says: 1.-The announce
ment of the national farmers alliance
arrangements with European syndicate to
advance $32 per bale on cotton warehouse
receipts up to 10000 bales proves what
the Dispatch has said about the alliance
sub-treasury scheme, that if agricultural
products can be warehoused so as to afford
good security, private capital will loan upon
them, and it is not the business of the gov
eminent to do so. In this case the security
Of cotton wareboused and insured is I'M
questionable. With the millions of Euro
pean capital seeking investment, the
employment OF portion of it in aiding
producers to carry their crops is legitimate
and probable"
Very little has been heard about this mil
lion bale scheme since the announcement of
1t was first made, and ever since it was
made there have been grave doubts whether
the story had any foundation in fact. 1t is
probable that Englishmen would loan
money on cotton if they could be convinced
that the loan was safe one and could get a
satisfactory rate of interest. But the
money would not be loaned ON cotton stored
on plantations, because no insurance could
be obtained on it there, and no warehouse
certificates as evidence of the existence of
the cotton. The cotton, before a loan
could be obtained upon it, would
have to be put into warehouses and
insured. Where are the warehouses in
which 100000 bales could be stored for
any considerable length of times There are
warehouses at the ports and at interior
towns, but they are needed by their owners
for the accommodation of cotton that i.
changing hands Indeed it is doubtful il
all of them would hold 100000 bales Of
| cotton.
1t can be quite safely stated that the mil
lion bale scheme will not be carried ou
this season. Its promoters will have t.
wait for a more favorable season. There il
no reason why newspapers in Pittsburg
however. should not continue to discuss it
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26

Interesting tests Of new guns, made at
Sandy Hook recently, resulted very salts
factorily. Particular interest attached to
these tests, as the gun was the first of the
kind made by the regular army ordnance
department. 1t is of 50 caliber and weighs
Twenty-Five tons. 1t has Whitworth
tube and jacket bought in England, but
the hoops and breeca mechanism are Of
American steel. Finishing and assembling
were done at Watervliet arsenal. Each of
the six shots fired gave good velocities and
lowpressure. With charge of 255 pounds of
German prismatic powder and shot weigh
ing ST. pounds, velocity of 1854 feet per
second was obtained. the pressure beiag
37.27 pounds, only few pounds greater
than that of the S-inch gun with only half
the charge of powder. As this is an expert
mental gun it will be still further tested for
endurance, though the officials are we'll
satisfied that it will stand all requirements
of the service, and the department intends
70 go ahead building guns of the same type.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26

The MORNING NEWS is on file at the following
places where Advertising Rates and other in
formation regarding the paper can be obtained;
NEW YORK CITY
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e NCINNATI-
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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
Name Them Attsr the Lord.

Old Pete Robinson, who lives at Worsham,
Va, is pious negro. that logged along with
MS wife for many years, namitg now baby
every year until seventeen unbleached olive
branches bore scriptural nlm-s Then came a
surprise, says the Baltimore Herald. One
mo. ming the Presbyterian minister, while TAX
ing his constitutional, met Pete.
Good morning, Peter You seem TO be very
much pleased at something"
Vas, sab. lis. You see. de ole oman creased
de family las night"
"Ah. lndeed~
Vas, sab. dar's two mo- little lambs ov de
Lord"
''Gwine name 'en moth artar the Lord Gwine
call EN- Messiah and Holloway"
Messiah and Holloway: Where do you get
the name Holloway"
HI, man. Don't de Lords prar say Hallowy
be Thy name.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
Raum's Patent Refrigerator.

Mr.. Raum may be, as some of his friends
round the convivial board in Ninth street are
said loudly to proclaim, man of SURPRISING
genius, and yet it does seem to men who have
fallen toto habits of observation that Mr.
not supplement it by industry. as he ought IL
do. For example, IL Is not quite the thing for
a man who calls at the pension bureau in the
hours in whicn persons are received to be com.
PEELED to wait for nearly an hour while Gen.
Raum explains the advantages of patent re-
frgeratcr. Mr. Raum unhappily seems 10 be-
lieve, since he accidentally emerged from a
starved claim agents Office, that he is clothed
with absolute power; that he can protect men
who have overridden both the law and the evi.
dence, and punish innocent men in their be.
half
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
Opposed TO Idleness

A Brooklyn exchange tells good story about
one ct those selfapDointed missionaries to re-
deem artists from the incident error Of their
ways. IL appears that he visited a well-known
Ian lscape FAINTER awhile ago-a brilliant young
man OF high repnte-and after chaffering over
the price OF picture or two. for he knew WI at
be liked, and didn't propose to be beguiled into
paying fancy price for mere strip Of colored
canvass, he suddenly blurted out, do you in
tend 70 do this all your hfer'
do whatf' asked the artist
Paint, was the response
m afraid Tn spoiled for anything else, -
said the artist
on, II may not be too late" urged the
missionary. Il should think when you get a
little older you would want to have bust
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26
Registered at the P.stocioe in Sapannlh


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Letters and kilograms should be addressed
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Transient advertisements, other than special
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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26

Ten tableaux illustrating in pantomime
the history of marriage in different countries
and various ages are to be the chief feature
of an entertainment given by the Massa-
chusetts Woman's Suffrage Association in
Boston next month. They are determined
to have marriage even though they must go
through the ceremony in pantomime
Doubtless the various ages" will be repre-
sented TO the life.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26

Emperor William recently conferred the
order of the crown upon st. Louis man
who has hurried over to unload his thanks.
To hear him mangle the German language
with missionaries, will suitably punish the
emperor for his folly.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26

Reduced to ashes Gustav Koch weighed
only five pounds. and Emile Rossi, his in
amorita, weighed only four. They are tho
romantic suicides Of Gotham. By this time
they probably regret reducing their weight
so suddenly. Both Of them together would
scarcely suffice to fertilize one grapevine.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-26

What is reciprocityP' asks Mr.. Reed.
Why, dear Mr.. Speaker, 1t is convenient
little arrangement by which you give So
and get vote, as you did recently. Under
stand