davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04
What's the Use?

What's the use o. waitin' till q feller's dead nd
gone before his better qualities you men,
ton?
OF lettin him go all through life without cheerln'
word. md shown his remains remarked at
tention?
OF passin' by dozen men, hard-worl in, sober,
poor nd like as not discouraged half tn
death,
Tu help drunken loafer constitutionaIly tired,
extremely weak In principle nd mighty
strong Of breath?
What's the use o practcin' economy at hum, md
settin' up the drinks down town with all the
boys:
OF cuttin' down yer grocer's bill and nIin' up the
slate Of some Teutonic dealer in amber
colored 1oysf
What's the use o. thinkin' that folks won't size y
up fer what y really are, no matter what y
Or that you've got a cunnin' trick that other
fellows haint. and % are good deal sharper
Whats the use O. ssyin' that the world owes y a
hvin', and settin' down nd wsitin' for yer
pay?
Or calculstin' Providence II rain down bread an
butter. nd all you'll have tu DON be tu grab
nd eat away7
What's the use O. talkin' religion tn q man
.no had deacon sock IL TO him In q tradei
VI thinkin' that q minister preach as well
whsr he ID Twin on faith dImplin's md mis-
sionary aid?
No what's the use o. thlnkin that when We come
W ole. somehow, BY hook or crook, well
enter heaven,
When all through life the most of US have travelled
So.her way-i ruther guess bout six dayi
WILLIAM EDWARD PENNEY.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

Of whisky. citizen Of South Carolina had
hypothecated his estate to pay his subscription
for Q preacher. In Maryland was found o man
Who had borrowed the amount necessary to pay
for . substitute in the war, and he had only
bssn able since then 70 pay the interest and
keep on renewing the mortgage. Another per-
son in Ohio had mortgased his land for the
purpose Of obtaining money to pay for . d.
vorce. A resident Of Illinois bad been put in o
hole by . suit for 10000, instituted by an
the affections Of his wife. The accused indorses
his schedule with the remark: Borrowed
1000 to settle, but I have the woman" A
Texan secured . loan Of $500 ITO pay the ex-
psnss Of raising family Of eleven children"
EupH RKBUFFs
The division which devotes iss attention 70
debt and taxation has had its feelings much
hurt BY she responses given to the inquiries Of
ih agents and circulara OF the latter it sent
every town OF the Union, asking who were
the chief men in the communities ad-
dressed, how much the people were taxed
for and 90 on. Most Of the responses were
courteous but many we're quite otherwise.
One person applied to returned the schedule with
Life 10 too short" third remarks, MY
wife taxed me for twins last month" "The
chief man in authority In this place." says
fourth, .is q woman and her official designa-
ton Is Ann Jane Smith" A fifth replies from
small town in Nebraska: "MIost Of the people
out here live with their wives and pay taxes
when the sheriff compels them" Very many
Of the schedules, particularly where mortgages
and debts are concerned, are filled in
with unpleasant epithets addressed to
Of unfortunate experiences recorded by
enumerators. '"This person kicked me
out of his house, Is comment not
so very infrequent on schedule sent in by this
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

the schedules, have perishedwAIrINd FOR THE
from this complaint during the cEsus MAN.
last year.
Two thousand young women, most Of them
pretty. are engaged in making up the eleventh
census Of the United States. The task of con-
trolling them Is no sinecure. One division
chief, who has 700 Of the giddy creatures under
his control, spoke sadly yesterday of the labor
it involved Said he:
GIRLS HARD TO MANAGE.
81 once knew . man who had twenty girls I'M
der his control He would introduce any one
Of his friends to fifteen Of them, saying that
he reserved the other five for himself. OF
course he meant by that that the oppor-
tunity Of flirting with those Ave was too
valuable to be voluntarily shared Now, /
have 700 girls under my ccntrOl, and any-t
body Is welcome to them all. / say without
reserve that . man who can manage that
number Of young women satisfactorily
can do anything. The great diff
Guilty Is to curtail their chatter
Conversation among the male employees it is
possible to restrict but with the women it is al
most out Of the question. And yet, in the long
| run, they make better clerks than the men,
inasmuch as they are more docile and
teachable. My csst-iron rule is against
flirting. When find a young woman addicted
to that over-much. transfer her to place be-
tween two old ladies, and she usually becomes
. serviceable aid"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04


QUESTIONS. selves "IIav-it-all' and
"Gst-it-alL" On ne debt and tax schedule is
Endorsed by an offic ial who returns it, simply,
Rats, rats. rats!'
THEY WANT MONEY.
There seems to be felt all over the country Q
widespread objection to doing any census
work gratis. Says one correspondent from
Nebraska: 1--WE don't live on wind pudding out
here. Send me S5." Another, from Colorado,
writes: 1.-THE mayor Is too lazy to do this, the
treasurer don't know how and don't care to.
Yours, ohm Smith, editor" Democrats are
particularly opposed to doing anything in this
way for republican census. "We have no sur
plus, Bays a correspondent from Iowa. In fact
we are minus. A baldheaded gent from the
east came out here, attained treasurership of
our town and stole away our cash-S2 90. Please
remit" woman in Mississippi says: lowing
| to the death Of my husband 1 am filling the
place OF assessor at present / don't think we
have any valuation or taxation, because there
is only five people in the town, and they have
nothing OF value. hope this will be enough
to complete your census"
The special agents who had to collect data re-
garding the fisheries were exposed to some
embarrassing rebuffs. For example, the young
gentleman delegated to interview the fishermen
OF Michigan on the st. Clair river had occasion
70 tackle, as sample specimen, Mr.. Billy Nc
Min OF Marine City.
Good morning." said the agent "rve come
up, Mr.. McNiff, to get the fishery census"
The hell you haver" responded Mr. McNiff
This was good example Of the reception
accorded the agents Of the fishery division.
EXERCISING DIPLOMACY.
In this case the agent was obliged to play
scraps" with Mr.. MoNiff and get him drunk in
order to obtain the information he desired.
The same agent made his way into another
fsherman's house and asked incidentally how
much his boat was worth. He replied, Twenty
| five dollars" but his wife said: ''Oh Jim, it's
| worth ESQ sure, il it's worth q cent" Upon
which the husband flung a bootjack at his wife's
head and inquired mildly, Who's doin this?''
The special agents for the census were
| obliged to cultivate the utmost arts of diplo-
macy. favorite scheme employed by one of
the shrewder ones was to pretend that he dis
covered . relationship between himself and
| the person from whom he desired to obtain in
| formation. II the individual addressed was
Chinaman it did not make any difference the
connection in that case was on the mothers
| side. II the praising up of mans property
| did not suffice drinks and cigars often would.
| 1t was not an infrequent occurrence for one in
| crowd ia q bar room, which the agent
had joined for purely business. purposes, to
| say: Lets have . drink on Uncle SAM"
| which meant an expense to the agent not pro-
| vided for by congressional appropriations. In
| the mountains of Tennessee aud Kentucky. the
| region Of moonshine whisky, some of the
agents came near being shot by. persons who
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

taken, though the enums- RAcTs-
Sators we're Obliged TO 60 about In boats.
No questions asked by the census agents slic-
ttsd such funny answers % did the queries re-
garding mortgages. One man said that he had
mortgagsd bis property for the purpose Of get
ting an education in biblical prophesiss An
ether pledged his house and lot TO get $500 for
estsss N visv the purchase of twenty gallons
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

''Say, pa, Solomon was the wissst man that
ever lived, wasn't he?" "Yes, my son, he is 90
considered" "And be had three hundred wives,
didn't hep" II believe that Is the number"
"Ssy, pa, IL Solomon was the wisest man that
ever lived how did he ever come to get in such
q dx-you can't live peaceably with one2"
Hem! haw! hem! he got wise after he married
them. You 60 TO bed"-Ths Epoch.
An Autumn Incident-Dr. A. to DR.. R-"Nice
trick you have played me during my vacation.
Here I turned over to you lot Of patients
have had for years and you have cured them
Ill up IN month. Couriw IL Nats. Unia
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

Vi thos CuukllCk htOA. n
dog was set on me here.
Bitten badly. Doctors
bill e." ia another plain
tive form Of report. One
Ohio enumerator refers
to a imam more brute
than human chases COWS
and other animals kept in
q cage" This refers to a
maniac who has to be
Gagged to prevent him
from pursuing the chase
like q wild beast. In
many instances people re-
fused to give their names.
Two women In one house
hold in the Tennessee
mountains signed them
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04
Written for TIE EVENING srAn

HIS Fifty-hrst Congress
has . reputation Of be-
ing . pretty tough spec
linen. At least two Of
its members have sx-
changed blows. Two
others have made o des-
perate attempt to get
ct" each other. A Rep
resentative has de-
nounced . Senator.
There has at times been
. regular blizzard Of
frozen rhetoEic, and
some Of the epithets
have struck the Speaker
with . resounding
whack.
ION the WHOLE" said
. Senator in my pres
ence ona evenipO last
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

ifyou want to see how this great country IL
palpisating with information Just make an in
correct statement in Q Newspaper. -Bostou
Herdld
Nra Psssifer (reading)-"whitewssh will
destroy the cholera germ" Psssifsr-''n
meet one III give IL coat Immediately. -
CAso090 Ihier. OcsoA
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

appointee in Dakots was
blown sky-high by q cy-
clone and the proprietor
reported that he saw his
schedules, duly filed out.
blown into 1--WE different
eounties. The greater
part Of the fourth SUPER
risor's district of Louisi-
Ana was under water dur
ing the whole time pre-
Dcribed BY Law for the
taking Of the census.
But the census had to be.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04
A Centenarian.
From London Punch.

A hundred years of hideousness,
CONSTRUCTED brows and strain and stressi
And still despite humanity's groan,
The torturing ''tall hat" holds It's owni
What proof more sure and melancholy
Of the dire depth Of mortal folly?
Mad was tho halter who invented
The demon topper" and demented
Has borne it-for One Hundred Yearsi
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

eminent detectives. One man
was followe for four days by
a man with q rifle, who kept
him always in sight, ready to
pop him off in case anything
suspicious should arrive. One
thing noticeable as to NOR
tality ID the south was that 80
very many people died, as re-
ported, Of "guitar. Thou
sands Of the inhabitants of the
southern states, according to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04
Emersou's Verdict.

From the Chicago Herald
The Brooklyn prudes that object TO Long
fellows Building Of the Ship" remind one Of
au incident In the Life Of Ralph Waldo Emer-
SON One day while gazing In admiration ct
beautiful nude statue that had in every line al
ssthstic thought lady said 20 him; Mr.,
Emerson, don't you think the exhibition OF
this stasus 10 indeeentY' With an expression
Of surprise and disgust Emerson aaswsss1s
mo, bus your sssstiop -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04
PAST AND PRESENT,
How Present congressman Compare
With Their Predecessor.
SENATORS OF OLD

Unseemly Behavior in the Halls % Cen.
gress-lsows and scrimmages Of the
Past - Some Memorable Inssancss-
Faro, Poker and Duelins.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04
FUNNY CENSUS FACTS.
SURPRISING ABsURDITIEs
Experiences OF Special Agents and Emu.
nerators-Queer vital Statistics, Re-
marks on Debt, Mortgages and Taxa.
sien-Too Many Girls TO Manage.

IL SORTS Of sbsurdities
are gathered in BY the
census. Superintendent
Robert p. Porter, incl
dentslly 70 his contract,
will have collected, before
his duty IL completed, .
mass Of fun that would
compose in itself . whole
library a. . humorous
appendix to his volumi-
nous reports.
An Inquir,ng STAR re-
E-l AlA A.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

investigation OF the oys-
ter industry find their
task especially srduous.
In order to discover how
many oysters are cap
tured in this country In
. year the census is
Obliged to ascertain ex-
actly how many Of these
interesting bivalyes are
taken per annum by
each person engaged in
the business. To accom-
plish this is not SO easy.
For example, take the
case of an agent who
tackled q sample negro
oysterman about 80 miles
south of here on the Po-
knrnaa Said ha.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04


Element Of the ludicrous enters largely into
the results achieved by the census. Take,
for instance, the division Of vital statistics.
Some Of the schedules sent in by enumerators
we're filed out in . manner quite remarkable.
According to the returns, one individual, resi-
dent in Akron. Ohio, was an infant six months
pld. by trade q carpenter, and died last May OF
Did age. woman, living in Louisville, N.Y., was
hinety-four years of age, hod carrier Dy occu-
patton, and died from illness consequent upon
teething: Still another person was reported as
having died from childbirth, ''tiford feeder"
supsrvsning, after pursuing the occupation OF
D car driver until the Group carried him on at
the early age Of six. The diseases to which
people had succumbed, according to the re-
burns, were quite remarkable. One unfor-
eunats had lost her life from Chronic invita-
ton meaning Inflammation, presumably
but the favorite complaint seemed TO be
tshronic," whatever that may have signlned
This one or that one died Of Chronic" and
nothing else.
SOME FUNNY LETTERS.
Among the funniest things are the letters
which have been received by Mr.. Porter, re-
questing employment from the Census Bureau.
One arrived only the other day from Oroville,
Col, saying: ''Csn You inform me how can
get on to enforce the Lobster Law? hat been
on the police force here i've years and last
week We was discharge by a rum Bord We was
put in by temperans Bord and now the rum
6ord is goin' to have its own way this year."
A gentleman resident in Scottsville, NY,
writes: IF you hear anything diverse to my
character from this vicinity you need not be-
lieve that it is So as am not an idiot or any OF
those other mean names / have been called,
can read and write and have good health, do
not mean to have my name or character in
5ured, as / am agent for various articles.
Please write and tell me if the census taker or
any one else in this neighborhood has made
any nasty remarks about me. p. S.-Do not
send this back, but keep it to refer to"
One southern clergyman of the African per-
suasion asks for pay and signs himself, Your
friend Rev. r. Wright, hope We may meet In
glory where we part no more" Another man
in Greenville. S. c., thinks he can do q COB of
work senses taker well as the actual ap-
pointee, who was drunk July and the and
too" A life long republican Of the Afro
American type" offers his services from Jackson
Springs, " c., but the man who distinguishes
himself above all others IN concseness ID Mr.,
Michael McGrath OF Calais, Ohio, who writes:
.'Nr. Robert p. Porter, Dear Sir: We are
friends. This is all can write to you. Re-
Bpectfully, Michael McGrath."
INTERVIEWING oYsTERMEN.
The special agents who have in charge the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

From TEE srAa's Travelling Commissioners.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04
THE INTRODUCTION.
San Francisco Areonaut.

San Francisco Areonaut
In making people formally known TO one
another great care should be exercised to pro-
nounce names distinctly, thus avoiding posi-
BILE cause Of embarrassment
Uz-l -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

A few cents per capita was contributed every
morning among them, with which they might
puychass food enough 70 sustain life from the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-10-04

.----.- IHUuugdIus BIBH6U tHtIl-
QUESTIONS. selves "Hav-it-all'' and
"Gst-it-all" On o ne debt and tax schedule is
Endorsed by an ofic ial who returns it, simply
Rats, rats. rats!''
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-08
RECEIPTS

Per Charleston and Savannah Railway July
7-l61 bbis rosin, 25 bbs spirits turpentine. al
pkgS tobacco, 3 cases cigarettes. crts hams. 25
doz brooms, PIX adv matter, bbls bans, box
STRIPS g cases b and S, 80 boxes crackers, lot
mchy, IL bbls bottles, bale mattresses / box
drugs buggiesi, bdls wheels, pkgs shafts, /
cass towels. % bdls rims, box rollers, trunk
box bacon. 5 bbls wine.
Per Savannah, Florida and Western Railway
July II box drugs sos boxes iron, 80 bdls iron,
boxes hams, bales wool, bale hides, / car
salt. Dbl burlaps, 3 cases clothing / rocker,
coop hogs case boots, Dbl beer, IS bbi cider,
/ bale goods, box eggs. ! machine. ! case
coffee, 406 bbls spirits turpentine, Dbl hard
ware, ,427 bbls rosin. "a cars melons, car ties
46 cars lumber, = crates bottles, cars wood, 81
bbls crude turpe milne, $50 boxes vegetables, so
bbls vegetables. % boxes fruit.
Per Central Railroad. July 10 bdls leather,
bale hides. 10 bdls paper. 50 pkgs tobacco. $50
bbls lime, 10 bbls whisky. al bales domestics IL
bales yarn, 3 hf lbbls whisky. bbls syrup 80 900
lbs bran, 35 bbls beer. 1873 hf bbls beer, boxes
wood in shape, 81 cars lumber. 10 bushels rice,
cases liquor, 80 T,kgs vegetables. 3 boxes wax, 1
car iron, 80, 200 lbs bacon, 100 pkgs Indse d
buggies cask old metal, cars brick, 20 kegs
lead, iron safe. pkgs plows. q bales wool. Il
boxes hardware, 10 boxes soap, 80 cases eggs,
cars coal. 10 pkgs furniture. cars melons, So
bbls oil, ? cars marble, cars lumber.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-08
New York Market Review

Reported by G. s. Palmer, 166 Redde ST., ~ Y
New YORK, July 5.-The receipts of water
melons are large to-day, and prices ruling lower
prime selling from Sl5 00@20 90: fancy large
would bring about S25 90. Peaches, 81 5013 90
per crate; LeConte pears small and green, sell
ing from 81 0002 so; large ripe pears wanted.
The market is firm on fancy potatoes and fancy
Virginia selling from 81 1898 90; North Carolina
and South Carolina, 81 5002 80; tomatoes,
fancy, So 80; inferior, $li25@1 IS.
New YORK, July Thirty cars of mel
ons were received to-day; prime selected selling
from SIG 00135 90.
HEARD BRos. & Co.
Boston. July 7.-Thirty-eight cars of melons
were received on to-day's boat There was a
good demand, and they sold well at from 220
CSC, with the exception of few poorly sorted
cars at zoe. A new feature here was the selling
at auction of portion of the boat melons, and
we heard of sales as low as 15c and from that
all the way up to 20c, depending upon the num-
Der of buyers that might be on the street when
a load arrived. The market closed firm. with
large melons in demand, and the selling of any
melons under zoe was entirely needless, and
due to the new experiment of auctioning them
j. d. MEAD & Co.
New YORK, July THE receipts of water
melons were 81 cars, besides 20 carried over: no
change in rices Muskmelons more plentiful
and selling from 81 500D2 80. No change in
prizes of LeConte p ars or Savannah tomatoes.
q. s. PALMER.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-08
Pure w alter.

An article in the Times of the 9th states
that some of our citizens send away fol
spring water for drinking purposes. Why
should they do this when by the use of one
of Pasteur's Germ Proof Filters the river OF
a-tesian water can be made absolutely pure
and wholesome!
This Is new invention by the celebrated
French physician after whom it is called
The water is forced through a number Of
porcelain tubes, which are SO arranged as tc
be protected from the least danger of con-
tamination, as it passes directly from the
hydrant, Physicians and others interested
are invited to inspect its workings at the
crockery house of James S. Silva, where al
information will be cheerfully furnished.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-08
MARKETS BY TELEGRAPH.


NEW YORK, July Z, nooD.-Stocks opened
d ull and heavy. Money easy at sac per cent.
Exchange-long, 81 SAG; short, 81 S71s614 s734.
Government bonds dull but teatureleSs. State
bonds dull but steady.
500 p m.-Exchange quiet but steady at
50 S5G14 IS. Money easy at 30,5 per cent.
closing offered at 21a. S1b-treasury balances
Coin, S162 025, 900; currency, S. 902 900. Govern
ment bonds dull; four per cents 12lls; four and
half per cent. coupons 103. State bonds dull.
The stock market gave no evidence that there
is any more bullish feeling than there was last
week, and apathy and stagnation was, if any
thing, intensified to-day, with little business and
insignificant fluctuations The ineXplicable
bank statement of Saturday may have had
something to do with the continuance of this
state of affairs, as it gave no hope of more
plentiful supply of money, and operators for a
rise were still inclined to await that of next Sat
urday, which will, in all probability, make the
monetary situation a little clearer. The talk of
the street. especially in bear quarters is princ-
pally of the railroad situation, and conservative
operators are inclinced to regard it at the mo-
ment as key to the situation. The settlement
of existing difficulties is now expected to result
in a mora active and higher market for Secur
ties, while, should nothing be done, the proba-
bility is that the present state of apathy and
dullneSs VIII be continued. For the time being
the situation remains without change and hold
ers of stocks show no disposition to art with
their property at ruling prices, while shorts
are afraid to increase their holdings for the pres
ent, hoping for some sort of calamity and a
selling movement among longs, and so help
them TO recoup their position. To-day deal
ings were almost barren of features. and while
there still seemed to be some interest in New
England, st. Paul and Atcnison, ST. Paul was
the only one in which there was any important
movement; Considerable pressure of short
stock in the forenoon resulted in a decline of
l1s per cent, based upon late unfavorable re-
ports of earnings, with the expectation that
same will continue for a time and allow short
turn. Sugar refineries also made rather sharp
decline of 119 per cent, but recovered the loss.
New England was leader of the market in the
early trading. and displayed some strength,
which, however, disappeared when the weak
ness of the list became more pronounced. Bears
and Chicago people felt the market by pressure
upon Changers, and st. Paul were especially
weak throughout the day. not rallying with the
remainder of the list New England was
strong feature, and there were runors by
which large stockholders were to transfer
their holdings in blocks to the close, when
the weakness appeared, but the close was dull
aud firm st. Paul was down Is aud Rocksland
per cent, but other changes were light. The