Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-10-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Have the Hoor-Rugs.

-rates-Ten cents slice.
Always takes the bouse by storm-the
cyclone.
The crow doesn't fly from a cornield
without caws.
A church bell, like truth, should not
be tolled at all times.
Conscience is that within us that tells
us when our neighbors are doing wrong.
Naturally fellow is quite upset if his
best girl throws him over.-Detrom Free
Press.
The expert manicure generally has con-
siderable "work on hand. ~ YOnkers
Gazette.
Druggists, however prosperous, always
do business on small scale. e.-Lawre'ace
american.
The busy little bee works by the job,
but he does just as good work as if he
Iabored by the day.
His Mother-"What are you doing out
there in the rain9" The Terror-"Get-
tin wet. Atlanta journal.
Life is full of compensations. When
the husband is out all night the lamp is
not.-Terre Haute Express.
ooh, l wish I'd been man," cried
Mrs. Bjonson. 81 wish to heaven you
had ~ retorted Mr.. Bjonson. n.-Epoch.
"It fills the bill," remarked the ban
tam pullet when she picked up large
anG juicy grasshopper. = Washington
| Star.
"Why, Adolphus, what is the matters
| Why do you tremble sou "My best
| girl just shook me. -Binqhamton Re
| publican.
When the butler begins to brag of his
| honesty 1t is time to fall on his neck
and feel for the spoons in his coat-tail
pocket. .-Epoch.
sI guess I'm a JONAH" remarked the
small boy who had been punished. ''It
seems to be my luck to get whaled right
along. y Washington Post.
"No; 1 can't say that / want the
earth," mused the freight car tourist.
''About three-quarters of it is water, and
that amt got no use for"
The man who says he is going to get
there, and don't you forget it, makes
more noise about it than the man who is
actually there.-Atchison Globe.
Why is it that a woman,
| When she becomes mother-in-law,
Though she may have been sweet as sugar,
At once learns to jabber and jaw
| Laurence American.
Teacher TO class)-"In this stanza
what is meant by the line, THE shades
of night were falling fast'a" Bright
Scholar-"The people were pulling down
the blinds"
Bachelor-"Ned, how would you de-
fine love letter?' Benedict-''A love
letter is thing that ten years afterward
you generally wish you hadn't written. :"
-SomerUiUe Journal.
II don't believe in allowing domestics
to get the upper hand. Imake my serv-
ant keep her place." "You are lucky.
Ours never does for more than three
weeks. "-Americ1n Grocer.
"You are not the young lady to whom
give lessons, "said the piano. teacher.
"No; the young lady to whom you give
lessons is sick, and she sent me to prac-
tice for her. Boston Courier.
Tippit-"Look at that tramp going
by. He's corker, eha" Wagwell-
"Judging from that ruby on his frontis-
piece should say he was more inclined
to be an un- -corker. y Gazette.
THE GAME OF LIFE.
Existence is honey and cake to few.
But with most of us life is a scuffie,
And ere with the game we are finally
through,
Though do our keen best to be brought
into view,
We find we are lost in the shuttle.
Chicago Pose
| A body servant, newly engaged, pre-
sentcd to his master a pair.of boots, the
leg of one of which was much longer
than the other. ''How comes it, Patrick,
that these boots are not of the same
length?" 81 rally don't know, sir; but
what bothers me most is that the pair
downstairs are in the same fix. - White
Mountain Echo.