The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-04-16
HuMOR OF THE DAY.

Brothers s-in-law-The judges.
Light -headed-A locomotive at night.
-DdnsciHe Breeze.
Spare the rod and let the fish story do
the work.-BiHghdmton Leader.
Lawyers arc like ivy; the greater the
ruin, the more they cling.-St. Louis
Magazine.
A doctor practices on his own patients.
But musician practices on the patience
of others. -StdtesmdH.
You needn't look for any great drop
in coal until the hind axle of the delivery
wagon Breaks DdnsciHe Breeze.
Nature has wisely arranged matters so
that man can neither pat his own back
nor kick himself. American.
He-'T never laugh at an inferior"
She-"It would he impossible for you to
do such thing. Boston Transcript.
"Poets must suffer before they can
write, says a philosopher. After that it
is other people who suffer.-Burliagton
Free Press.
We are not so much worried about
where we will spend tho summer as
where we will get the money to spend it
with.-NerchaRt 7'rareler.
You'd think birds digestion would
Turn out total wreck;
For every time it gets its food
1t has TO take peck
-Lippincott.
Teacher-"Now, my children, we will
parse the sentence, John refused the
pie Tommy Jones, what is John9"
Tommy-"A big fool. Biaghamt0n
Leader.
Tailor (measuring customer-"You
are rather short, sir, Customer-"Well,
yes, rather; but how could you have
guessed as to the low state of my finances9"
-Yankee Blade.
"There is no law regulating tobacco
consumption, said a travelling man to
the young women who dislikes the weed.
ayes, she replied, "anybody can use it
if he choose. y Merchant IrdUeler.
When signal service prophets tell
OF sunshine as their news,
It's time to get your old umbIell
And don your overshoes
Washington Post.
The man who dries dynamite on the
stove should marry the hired girl who
kindles the kitchen fire with kerosene.
AS matrimonial team, they would be sure
to 'bring down the house. ."-Noyrist01on
Herald.
A Scranton five -year-old, whose mother
had used ten cents from his savings fund,
last evening stumped his father with the
remark: "Pa, you owe me ten cents;
your wife took that much from me. -
Scranton Truth.
"I-aw-quite forgot myself foh a
moment, this morning." began Willie
Washington, who was trying to be con
versational. "For which," interrupted
Miss Belle Pepperton, ''you ought to be
very thankful. ~ Washington Post.
Tramp with tears in his eyes)-'T do
not ask for money, sir, but what would
you think, if l should tell you l have
had nothing to eat for forty light hours,
and my poor wife and children are now
starving in the street," Practical Citi-
zen-'Id think you were liar. Good
morning. - Washington Star.
An article going the rounds of the
press speaks of "superstitions about
babies" This is wrong; there are no
superstitions about babies. OF all the
hard, practical, unscntimental, mechani-
cal, matter of-fact, artificial creatures in
this world commend us to baby. 1t
only believes in itself.-Phiiadelphia
Times.
"No, Hiram" said the young girl,
sadly, al cannot be your wife. We IRE
too compatible "Compatible!" he ex-
claimed; ''sn't that the very reason
why "Not in your case. should
probably insist from motives of economy
on dispensing with aservant aud in doing
my own housework, and you would
probably let me do it, Hiram. ~ Chicago
Tribune.