davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
GREAT EMERGENCIES.
The Surest Way of Being Ready for Them
 Is to Meet Small Ones Calmly.

The Surest Way of Being Ready for Them
 Is to Meet Small Ones Calmly.
 The knowledge of what to do in case of sudden calamity does not generally come on the spur of the moment or by inspiratiOn-it is already in store and waiting a summons into action. Those who keep their eyes and ears open very readily learn what is best to be done in case of fire, or burning, or sunstroke, or broken limb, or fainting fit, or se- were cut, or sudden and severe illness, until professional assistance can be brought to their aid. A commonplace book in which modes of treatment in various maladies and accidents are noted down is very useful in helping one to remember what to do.
 The surest way of being ready for the great emergencies of life is to meet all its small ones not only with calmness, but with masterful spirit, resolved to turn defeat and disaster, however trifing, to good account, by learning from them the secret of victory. ''To be weak is miserable doing or suffering" ," and they who cultivate weakness, by refusing to use even the smallest means of overcoming obstacles in their way, cultivate misery. These unhappy souls, when called upon to confront sudden and terrible emergencies, cringe and faint and know not which way to turn, while those who with fearless courage and indomitable will fight the lesser battles of life, are strengthened thereby for those mightier conflicts that call out all their skill and resource, and make them saviors and benefactors to their associates in trouble.
 Young mothers envy the unruffled composure observed in elderly women who have reared large families of chil- dren, and who have learned that broken bones will heal, that bruises get well, that there are ways of managing and preventing disease, and that it is al ways best to keep possession of ones wits. ''All things come alike to all, !" and as Milton says of the affliction which at once darkened and frightened his life: 1t is not so wretched to be blind as it is not to be capable of en- during blindness. But why should not endure misfortune which it behooves every one to be prepared to endure if it should happen, which may in the com mon course of things happen to every man, and which has been known to hap pen to the most distinguished and virt- uOus persons in history.-N. Y. Chris tian Advocate.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
The Poetry of Eating.

That marvellous story-writer Guy de Maupassant says: "A man is gourmet as he is a poet, or an artist, or simply learned. Taste is delicate organ, per fectible and worthy of respect, like the eye and the ear. To be wanting in the sense of taste is to be deprived of an ex- quisite faculty, of the faculty of discern ing the quality of ailments, just as one may be deprived of the faculty of dis corning the qualities of book or of a work of art; it is to be deprived of an es- sential sense, of a part of human su- periority; it is to belong to one of the innumerable classes of cripples, infrm people and fools of which our race is com posed; it is, in word, to have a stupid mouth, just as we may have stupid mind. A man who does not dis inguish between langouste and a lobster, be- tween a herring (that admirable fish that carries with it all the sayors and aromas of the seal and mackerel or a whiting, is comparable only to man who could confound Balzac with Eugene Sue and symphony by Beethoven with a military march composed by some regimental band-master." - Harper's Bazar.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
"A LITTLE NONSENSE"

-Dock-''Bess, have three millions and I love you" Bess-''No mistake about the three millions, is there?"- Epoch.
 -Cumso-'Ts Mir. Simeral member of your church, Gazzam?" Gazzam- 'Yes." Cumso-"One of the pillars, I suppose?". Gazzam-''No; one of the sleepers. "-Munsey's Weekly.
 -Passenger-"Why do you wear those mittens on your ears? Afraid you'll catch cold?" Conductor-''No, but I was well brought up and I don't want to hear the driver swear at the horses" 7" -Munsey's Weekly.
 Mir. Prettyboy - Miriam, if you will be mine our bliss will know no al- loy." Miriam Smelt (whose father is a gold refiner) -''No, Mr. Prettyboy, papa assures me that any thing above eight cen carats fine doesn't wear well."- Jewellers Weekly.
 Overheard in theF F1t.a,-e1l. ssWhat did you wear last night?" asked the eel cry, "A lovely mayonnaise," replied the lettuce. And you?" q never was so mortified in my life; wasn't dressed at all," said the celery; and the beet blushed.-Life.
 -Ponsonby Somewhat boastfully)- 'Imay say, Miss Blotlerwick, that am quite an adept at athletics. can row, ride-either horse or bike-swim, spar, jump and run." Miss Blotlerwick (sweetly)-"Here comes papa. Do let me see you jump and run. "-Time,
 What is Coming-First Female-"I suppose you will attend the primary to- night?" Second Female-"No, I guess not. You see, promised my husband would take him to the theater, and if go back on my word I know I won't get a decent meal for a week. ."-Terre Haute Express.
 MT. Centpercent-"Business is so brisk and correspondence accumulates so that fear I shall be obliged to em- ploy an amanuensis." Mrs. Centpercent -''Very well, my dear, get manuensis if you must; but decidedly object to your having womanuensis in the of flee. "-America.
 -"Horatio," remarked Hamlet on the
  ramparts of the castle on that memora- ble Christmas; 'if Ophelia hangeth not up her stocking she gets no gift from me-" 'Good Hamlet, economical for ever" chuckled his friend; thou savest the price of the gift, for thou knowest stockings have not been invented yet" Judge.
 -"Ladies and gentlemen" said the professor, ''I find that 1 can not per form the experiment of imitation, as the wind machine is out of order." There was great groan of disappointment. However" added the professor, sud denly, ''I may be able to provide sub stitute. Is there a gentleman from Chi cago in the audience?"- Maga- zine,
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
AN EXTRAORDINARY BET.
Two Cockneys Wager Even Money on 8
 Man-Eating Shark.

Two Cockneys Wager Even Money on a
 Man-Eating Shark.
 About thirty miles of the port of Hon. olulu, as we were headed for San Fran cisco, big shark suddenly appeared on the steamers port quarter, and only a biscuit throw away, and for time he was the observed of all observers. He was estimated to be fifteen feet long, and the sailors were agreed that they had never seen a larger one. He kept a baleful eye on the people crowding to the rail to see him, and although pork and other stuff were thrown over he paid no attention to the food. It looked as if he had lately gorged himself or was bound to have one of the passengers. He appeared at ten o'clock in the fore noon, and had not moved an inch when night came Daylight found him still there, and when noon came and that wicked starbOard eye of his continued to stare at us word went round the ship that some one was doomed. We had with us two English cockneys who were making a tour of the world, and Gs the question turned upon who would fall a victim one of them drawled out:
 q say, Fustus, but 'ere's your bloom in chance to make or lose ten pun's if ye dares."
 ''Ou's that?" asked the other.
 'H'I wagers a ten that the fish gets you hover I. If one of h'us his to be got hits you"
 ''Done, Tommy" replied the other, without looking up from his book.
 Night came and the shark still hung on. Daylight came again and he was still there. Some of the passengers pooh- hooed, but 1 think all were somewhat affected by the monsters persistency. At about ten o'clock we sighted water logged vessel and ran close to her. All the passengers had crowded to the port rail, when some movement precipitated both cockneys into the sea. They made a great splash as they fell, and disap- peared for only three or four seconds. When they came to the surface the steamer was already checking speed, and as they began to tread water to keep afoat we heard one of them say:
 'EFustus, old boy, I'm going to win that ten"
 Not hif I knows meself, Tommy" re- piled the other. I'm bloomin'@"
 We had forgotten the shark in the ex- citement. All eyes were on the two men, who were taking matters very coolly, when the one called Fustus threw up his arms with a scream and disappeared. Next moment the other was picked up by boat. He came aboard, changed his clothes, and as he came out to enjoy a promenade and a smoke he calmly re- marked to us: T told i'm I'd win hit, hand lave, hand I'll leave hit to you, gents hif I took nanny hunfair had vantage to do hit!"-N. Y. Sun.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
WOMAN'S FASCINATION.
Some of the Reasons That Attract the
 Stronger Sex to the Gentler.

Some of the Reasons That Attract the
 Stronger Sex to the Gentler.
 The power of fascination inherent in women may, moreover, be divided into two kinds. All of us have seen the old lady, generally white-haired, with kind ly, pleasant features, on which time has set no unfriendly mark, who still retains all her attractiveness. Note how the boys and girls adore her; they will go to her and contide their sorrows, their hopes, their ambitions, even when they would not breathe word to their mothers. The kindly, loving interest evinced in lads affairs by such one has time and again first implanted the impulses in his heart which eventually led him on to an honorable career.
 Quickly, almost by stealth, the good is done by such, and the good seed sown which will ripen in after time into rich and abundant crop. On the other hand, we have most of us seen, perhaps in real life, certainly on the stage, the fascinating adventures who, by her en- thralling beaute de diable, enslaves mems souls and leads them lon the SUdg6l bO udT6 all lOI u6I SdhG. puCu IS directly opposed to the sweet old lady in her old-fashioned chair, and these two form the opposite poles between which the women who fascinate vary.
 Types differ, and any one you may se- lect has some position between these two apostles. Take, for instance, pretty and may be witty woman who, hardly of her own free will, makes every man fall in love with her to greater or less degree. She may be in- nocent of all evil intention, but her po- sition on the scale is not vastly removed from that of the melo-dramatic sorceress. Or, again, take the instance of the pret- ty young matron who, while devoted to home, husband and children, yet has several intimate friends of the male per suasion. But her influence is all for good. Her fascination is exerted in worthy cause, and she has found out great truth-that there is no friendship so lasting, so true and sopleasant as one between persons of opposite sexes, where true feeling of bonne camara- derie exists and there is no pretense of love-making. Such a woman, if she lives long enough, bids fair to develop into snowy-haired old lady on whose friendship the children will rely.- Brooklyn Eagle.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
AMONG THE PERUVIANS.
The South American Nation Described by
 Wisconsin Girl.

Wisconsin Girl.
 When Hon. John Hicks was appointed United States Minister to Peru he chose as Secretary of Legation bright Amer ican girl, Miss Elizabeth L. Banks. Since being domiciled at Lima, the cap itaI of Peru, Miss Banks has kept her eyes open, and, with instinct sharpened by her connection with various North western newspapers, she has proved a good news-gatherer. Writing to a friend in this city, Miss Banks says:
 "Procrastination is the ruling habit of Peru. Ask Peruvian when he will do any uthing and he replies 'Manana," which being translated means 'to-mor- row. Nothing is ever done to-day, all things take place on the 'manana, which never comes. This 'manana' habit is, I suppose, breathed in with every breath of the air that one takes in Peru, and I am afraid l have drawn a good deal of it into my system.
 ''This is very interesting old city, and yet the people and the government are very much behind the times, their ideas being those of one hundred years dSO AC S4GJ Ol A1H1d Has DOS1 OdA4CO the heaven of women, the purgatory of men and the hell of asses;' and to the last proposition I will heartily assent. The city is full of donkeys, and the men and women who drive and ride them al ways carry big chunk of wood with them, which they continually apply to the ribs of the poor animals. Some en- thusiastic writer has called the women of Lima the most beautiful in the world. There are some pretty Peruvian girls to be met on the streets or saying their beads in some of the many churches. Their dark eyes are the kind that would make a man jump of Pizarro's bridge into the river Rimac if his suit hap pened to go wrong. The Peruvian men pay great deal of attention to their personal appearance and pass away much of their time in dress suits and tooth-pick shoes. They are very gal lant, but are not half so nice as Ameri- can men from any point of view.-Wash- inCtOn Canital
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
An Intelligent Maine Dog.

Who says dog has not intelligence? A Gardiner lady set a dish of soup out in her yard the other day to cool. The dish was very hot, but had handle The house dog soon came along to the dish, lured by the fascinating fragrance, contemplated the contents long enough to find that it was his favorite soup, then, taking the handle between his teeth, he backed off several rods very carefully, pulling the dish after him to place which he considered booth col CT and more sequestered. He waited for the broth to cool, devoured it with infinite relish, then dragged the dish back to the spot where he found it. Bangor Commercial.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
AN ECCENTRIC DOCTOR.
The Quaint Ways of Successful New
 England Medical Man.

Englanu 1eulcal haus Dr. Charles Wild practiced medicine in Brookline, Mass, in the days when people insisted upon taking large doses of calomel, rhubarb, jalap, picra, ipecac, antimony and countless other drugs, and on being blistered and bled. The doctor was equal to the occasion, and gave his patients their moneys worth of physic and service-when they could secure his attendance.
 For the doctor was a difficult man to find, and, when found, to impress with the idea that he was actually needed. Unless the case was represented as a matter of life and death, he was apt to delay his visit until the patient had re- covered or died. Those who hunted for him, knowing his habits of going from one patient to another, without going home for day or night, used to go through the streets looking for ''old Sal," his sorrel mare, and his familiar old buggy, standing before some house door.
 But such was the public confidence in him, that in ordinary illnesses people would wait his tardy visit rather than send for another physician.
 The author of Sketches of Brook line" describes him as entering house in the breezy way, stamping of the snow or the mud, throwing off his over coat and letting down his black leather pouch, with noise enough for three men. His salutation, uttered in deep, gruff voice, was likely to be, if the patient was an acquaintance:
 Well! we'll! what kind of kick-up have you got now?"
 He gave nicknames to the children, and would ask: "How's Nicodemus to- day?" or: "Well! is Ichabod's tooth ready for the lance this morning?" A friends child, whose name was Flor ence, he called 'Rome," Milan" or by several other Italian cities.
 A member of his family, while making out the doctors bills, was perplexed by charge upon the books of visit to ''Don Sebastian" On inquiry it proved to be the nickname of child of the Cabot family.
 When the doctor had studied the case and given the patient his dose of medi- cine, he would, if there was cause for anxiety, settle himself for social visit of two or three hours, during which he told droll stories, and acted them out to the amusement of the children, who were very fond of him. If the case was serious he was grave and silent, catch ing flies, if there were any to catch, or walked the room in deep thought.
 The doctor was more than a physician, he was the counselor of his patients, who consulted him upon all sorts of matters, from choosing wife or hus- band to building hen-coop. His opin- ion was an authority that few disputed, for his good sense was seldom at fault.
 His quaint humor, on leaving sick room, would often express itself in some such salutation as this: 'Now if you can't sleep well and don't know what to do, you can amuse yourself with taking an emetic. ."-Youth's Companion.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
ORIENTAL JUSTICE.
How an Eastern Judge Decided . Com-
 plicated Case.


 Dr. Henry M. Scudder reports the de- cision of case in an Eastern court in which the nice discrimination of the bench was conspicuous.
 Four men, partners in business, bought some cotton bales. That the rats might not destroy the cotton they purchased 8 cat. They agreed that each of the four should own particular leg of the cat, and each adorned with beads and other ornaments the leg thus apportioned to him.
 The cat by an accident injured one of it's legs. The owner of that member wound about it rag soaked in oil. The cat going too near the fire set the rag on fire, and being in great pain rushed in among the cotton bales, where she was accustomed to hunt rats. The cotton thereby took fire and was burned up. It was total loss.
 The three other partners brought an action to recover the value of the cotton against the fourth partner, who owned that particular leg of the cat. The judge examined the case and decided thus:
 ''The leg that had the oil rag on it was hurt; the cat could not use that leg; in fact, it held up that leg and ran with the other three legs. The three unhurt legs, therefore, carried the fire to the cotton, and are alone culpable. The in- jured leg is not to be blamed. The three partners who owned the three legs with which the cat ran to the cotton will pay the whole value of the bales to the part ner who was the proprietor of the in- jured leg"
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
Painting RniIdincs White.

''One of the things that strikes for eigner with wonder in this big town of New York;" said an observant stranger from across the sea the other day, 'is the practice apparently by authority of painting buildings white. In most European countries, if not in all, to paint city buildings white is forbidden by ordinance. To any one who has en- dured the discomforU of living opposite one of these white abOminations in the sunsbiny days of summer the reason of this prohibition will be obvious There is nothing so hurtful to the eyes as the fierce glare from such a building when the sun shines on it."-N. Y. World.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
Where Government Clerks Smoke.

The Government has at last found 9 use for that vast inclosed court in the Pension building. No one has ever known what it was designed for except to look spacious, and once in four years to give room for the inaugural ball. But It is now converted into National smOk- ing-room. For one hour each day clouds of tobacco smoke curl about the great columns and the scent of tobacco per meates the air. General Raum has pro hibIGed smoking in the Pension Ofio- during working hours, and to make Uy to the clerks for the privation has grant ed them the privilege of this great cCu1J as a smolling-roOm during the lunch hour. Atmidday they march about this tiled hall and mingIe the odor of the ''twOfors" with the fragrance of the quarter Havanas. The paper cigarette mingles it's paper smell with the rest The rules of the department have beol steadily running the cigar-smokers out, and this is the first concession they have had. Washington Letter.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
MONEY IN CHINA.
A Country Where the Mexican Dollar Is
 Not Below Par.

Npt LChOH x eti'
 The chief coin in circulation along the coast of China is the Mexican dollar and the copper cash. It takes from 1000 to 1,500 cash to make dollar, and some of the coins in use are so poor that you can break them in two between your thumb and finger. They are of the size Of an old red cent, and have a square hole in the center, in order that they may be strung on a string. They are made in different parts of China, and the Viceroy of Canton is now building mint with modern American machinery, which will turn them out by the million. In the interior of China these cash and silver and gold in the lump form the money. The standard of weight for both is the tael, which weighs about an ounce, and the money is east in the shape of lady's shoe. Ten taels of silver make 8 lump of about the size of Chinese lady's foot, and if you want to pay out less than this amount you take your knife or a chisel ars pound off as much as you want. It is the rudest way of doing business, but the Chinese are very suspicious of coins, and they like the pure metal. Gold bricks about an inch long and half an inch wide and of the same thickness are also used, but you have to watch these, as you do every thing else in the shape of money in China. In South China you will find chop dol lar, out of which little chips of silver have been taken, or in which holes have been bored and these holes filled with lead. You will find coins under weight and chunks of metal which are coun- terfeit, and the result is that every Chinese business-house has to keep one man whose business is to detect counter feit coin. This man is called the schroff, and all the money of the establishment passes through his hands. He gives a big bond, and he is responsible for all the money he takes in. If he makes mistake it is his loss, not that of the firm. You will find these schroffs con nected with our Legation abroad, and they may be called the cashiers of the East. They are always Chinamen, and the foreign banks in Asia have all their figuring and their money calculations made by Chinamen. The Chinaman does this with his little box of buttons strung on wires; he never makes a mis- take, and he is the great arithmetician of the world.-F. G. Carpenter. in Ma tional Tribune.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
SPEED VS. QUALITY.
Never Consider Fast-Doing of More I'm
 portance Than Well-Doing.

Never Consider Fast-Doing of More Im-
 portance Than WeII-Doing.
 Many persons seem to think that speed in work is higher accomplish ment than quality of work. If speed is of the first importance, then it may be an apology for poor quality. If quality is of the first importance, then it may be an apology for want of speed. One says: 'I want to learn to write fast" Another says: II write this very hurriedly; please excuse ensures" Would such writers-or workers rather be thought quick than accurate? Do they place the writing above the writ ten? Even 8 shorthand writer ought not to write faster than he can write well. Speed follows quality; quality never follows speed. It is a good thing to do good work fast. But it is bad thing to do fast work badly-and that is the way it generally is done when the fast-doing is held above the well-doing. Bad work had better be done so slowly that it never gets done at all. The only way to attain to high speed is to work for something better than speed.-S. &. Times.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
GEIl EsSs

MAyuI--,-hAKLLs x. THOMAS. GGIci ol j'ol-c--D. W. G ,GE.
 Ireasurcr-OLLiVEK IkkVu LIAh. CIty AttOr'cy--G. N SwAIN.
 .uditoi 4nl KecuIdei-NAI HAWkL. -ny asess5f-yj \. \ BIS K,
 Douul-.Hien-F Ig5I Ward, \. u KMOUD; N. 1nd ,i.. aAfkE!I,: 1 uu "a d, |, IrpEKI aa.d ..t'u, JO. N KI>nk. .ii
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
COUSgY OFFICERS

Supervisors-i5. >. CoFFMAN, Ch.Ainan, d. JOHN MONTGOMERY and l. ]. WHITE, Mcr. bers.
 SheriG-i. Il. SLAUGHTER. Under SlcrIA-E. A. >HATTUCK.
 reas urer-jAs. r. Nc ULSTER. Rccoruer--,N |. BRADLEY. DIstrCt alto ney-W. Il. >lILwELL. ProDdle judge-E. K. MONK. ClerA D,slyct Court-A Il. EMANUEL SuWeyoJ-H. G. riowE.
 ASseSsof-N. A. tIILLAM.
Tombstone epitaph., 1890-03-01
HENRY G. HOWE,

TINTED ST TIES DEPUTY MINERAL O Surveyor. Tombstone, Arizona. Memtt oi the Ameri an Institute oi Mining Engineers Attention given to the care of mines for Eoh- esident owners and corporations. The best o eference given Correspondence solicited.