Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-12-14

n
This evergreen box in the years gone by
used to appear only upon the actual holiday,
but the custom is now running back on the
trail of the magazines, which will before
long issue their Christmas editions on the
Fourth of July.
The conductor of the street car which 1
boarded was also interested in a Christmas
bazaar. He secured subscriptions from two
men on the platform, and when he tackled
me was ashamed not to give something. I
have since suspected that the two benevolent
passengers were stool pigeons.
BOTH ENDS WERE LOADED.
After L had satisfied the conductors
avarice, I was so angry with myself for do
ing so that went forward to the front plat
form and lit cigar for consolation: There
was blockade. The driver twisted his
reins around the handle OF the brake, ex-
changed few profane deiances with the
driver of wagon ahead of him, in a per-
functory sort of way, and then, having dis
charged his duty to the company and the
public, he turned upon me, and before I
fully realized what he was about he had ex-
torted 81 for the Car Drivers Grand Christ
mas Soiree.
When got down to City Hall Square, il
occurred to me that 1 wanted to see a man
who used to be a friend of mine, but is now
a collection agent. He has an office about
the size of fish-hawk's nest, ard twice as
high up in the air. 1t happened that was
the only passenger in the elevator, which
was in charge of a precocious youth, whose
conversation dealt principally with sporting
events. He said: "De Youthful Sports,
which I am de President of de organization,
is goin' ter give a combined Christmas tree
an sportin' exhibition, over in Jersey. De
tickets cost one bone. Howmanyjerwant?"
'"rhank you," said I; ''not any,
He leaned toward me mysteriously and
said: "Not if give yer tip on the dog
fight? Sure ting; on the dead inside? It's
jest like fndin' money"
A YOUTHFUL BLAcKMAILER.
"My young friend, ~ remarked, that isn't
exactly my idea of the proper way to cele-
brate Christmas.
He stopped the elevator between two
floors and began to argue this point. Some
body on the tenth floor, who was evidently
in hurry to get down, rang the bell. The
boy went on with his argument. Then the
seventh and third floors rang simultane-
ously
''It'll be the best show you ever see," be-
gan the boy, despite impatient calls from
two more floors. Dem dorgs''-at this
point all the landings were heard from, and
the elevator bell tangled in way that set
my nerves jumping. ordered the boy to
proceed; threatened to report him, and
wound up by buying two tickets as my only
refuge from lunacy.
1 reflected with joy, as escaped from the
elevator, that my friend the LAWYER would
have no bazaars or other charitable enter
prises on his hands, L found him engaged
in conversation with tall, elderly man
who had succeeded in getting my friend into
a corner, and was slowly but surely talking
him to death. 1t is an unusual thing for a
lawyer to get caught this way. But in the
process Of greeting me, my friend escaped
from his corner, and when I came to seat
myself there was no other chair for me than
the one he had been occupying. Then nv
friend excused himself and left me to nv
fate. This is not an unusual thing for a
lawyer.
ONCE MORE A VICTIM.
1 listened for half an hour to the merits of
a plan for distributing something q forget
what, but it was of no use to anybody
among some people whom had never heard
of. contributed.
After this series of painful experiences 1
dropped into little downtown club of
which I am a member, in order to get q
stimulant. The steward called my attention
a
tion to the Board of Aldermen. 1t was in
reality list of subscribers to Christmas
tribute to the steward. I recorded my name
with trembling hand.
By this time fully half my fund for
Christmas presents was exhausted. I did
my best with the other half, and I started
home about o'clock. On my way met a
gentleman who is much interested in
children's hospital. I am under some obli-
cations to him, and when he mentioned that
he was arranging for Christmas tree for the
children, 1 yielded without protest, and
gave him a rocking horse which / had
bought for my sster-in-law's little boy.
YIELDED UP EASILY.
met several other charitable gentlemen.
They were all interested in Christmas trees
NY force of will was gone. 1t is the first
step which is dangerous. If 1 had refused the
barber 1 might have had courage to say no
to the others-though might not have had
any jaw to say it Without as it was was
helpless. I reached home without cent
and bearing in my hands nothing but one
tin soldier, which 1 had intended for nv
washerwoman's little boy. told nv story
to Maude in that subdued and fearful voice
which employ in family confessions.
"Never mind, Howdy," said she, cheer
fully, "here's an early Christmas present
for your. 1t came by mail
The shape of this article suggested jewel
box, and had visions of scarf pins and dia-
mond studs as 1 opened it. I found only a
little pasteboard box. of which the cover
was securely glued down. There was a hole
in the top large enough to admit coin.
The address of well-known church society
was printed on the box, with this direction
for its use:
drop a nickel in the slot and see a
heather saved" HOWARD FIELDING.
Impromptu Justice in Iowa.