Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1890-03-01


@Can't do it, one way nor luther. the
old man REFINED, and then quickly turn
ing to the girl, he added: Judy I've
got an idee.
What is it, pap?"
swell, it's this: Parson Briddle here
has seed good deal of the world-w'y,
you've been way down in Robinson
county, haven't you, parson?"
Yes, the parson answered proudly.
@Thar, now continued the old man,
abe has even been way down in Robin
son county, and is from the fack that he
has seed good deal of the world a fair
jedge of man; so now, Judy, air you
willin' to leave it to the parson and take
the one he picks out?"
Yes, Pm willin'," the girl answered.
"Tm willin', too, Mark quickly spoke
up, "but want to tell the parson right
now eff he decides agin me I'll whup him
till the folks will think he's been chawed
up and spit out by threshin' machine. "
And as for me-" said job, I'm mon
delighted with the idee, but jest let me
say that eff he decides agin me I'll wallup
him till you'd have to get him together
with hay rake.
Gentlemen, the parson remarked, Il
shall render no decision. / am very well
satisfied with my position in life; my cir
cult is comparatively smooth, and have
pretty good horse; my salary is lag
ging, but the sisters have given me
ninety-eight insey shirts and calico
kandkerchiefs enough to cover the rock
of ages; so, taking it all into consider
alton, do not care to be food for dys-
peptic threshing machine or to clog the
teeth of hay rake.
"Oh, Lawd, sighed the old man, the
end amt no nearer in sight than it was
at fust. Judy, fetch out the jug, he
added as the preacher said something in
an undertone. "Now, boys" he con-
tinued, when the jug had been brought,
"he'p yo' selves.
The boys, being mighty partial toward
liquor, began to help themselves. The
old man took a few pulls and the parson
dampened his quicker, but the boys drank
recklessly, and after while they were
generously intoxicated.
"Job, said Mark, sim the best friend
you ever had. You may have Judy"
mark, Job responded, you amt no
better friend to me than am to you, so
you take her. !"
wont do it; you've got to take her. I"
"No, you've got to"
"Now, we can call on the parson to de-
eide, the old man delightfully."- ex-
claimed.
"That's what we can," said Mark.
"Parson, you pick out one of us to be
the husband of Judy, here, and / want
to say right here that Jobs my friend,
and that if you decide agin' him I'll lar
rup you till you'd run through sitter. I"
"Parson I'm in favor of your making a
decision, Job declared, :" and am willin'
to leave it to your Judgement; but let me
tell you right now, Parson, if you decide
agin' Mark, I'll whale you till all that is
left of you would ooze through tow
sack.
Gentlemen, said the preacher, "as
Just now remarked, am not at all dis
pleased with my circuit. am attached
to my ninety ght linsey shirts, and
have become smitten with my calico
handkerchiefs l shall make no deci-
sion. !"
mark and Job began to stretch them
selves on the floor. LET them sleep, {"
said the old man. "Ho, me, he sighed,
II don't see no way outen this trouble
Il d." the preacher answered, "step
outdoors with me. "
When they returned the old man said:
Judy, a decision has been made. You
must marry the preacher. Hold on,
now don't fly off. He'd do better by you
than either one of the boys. Why, jest
think, he's got calico handkerchiefs
enough to make more bed quilts than
you could stuff into hired mans APP
petite, and every woman in the COM
munity would be-"
"Petrifed with envy, a" the parson sug-
gested.
An expression of delighted resignation
Bhone on the girls face.
Il will make out the license and do the
marryin' myself" said the old man.
"Oh, don't be skeered now; I'll fix the
boys all right"
Mark awoke, and getting up, aroused
Job. esquire" said Mark, "we got a
little too much of your Ticker. Where
did you get it?"
THAT preacher that was here sent itto
me the other day."
Wall, he knows what strong Ticker
is, don't he, Job?"
@That's what he do, Mark. Job added:
II don't know how we air goin' to fix up
this love business.
Neither do /. Where's Judy?"
~It's well you may ask whar she is,
when you driv' her off that way" an
swered the old man.
"Who driv her off 2" Job exclaimed.
@Why, you an Mark thar, when I
begged you not to drink so much, but
didn't pay no attention to me. You swore
both of you-that eff didn't stand up
here and marry Judy to the preacher
you'd kill all of us, and ] just had to do