Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-01-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

A fighting girl-Hittie Magin.-
Elk.
What is the most neglected yegeta
BILE? Why, the policeman's beat
EA.
How frankly the girl of 16 admit:
that she is an old maid.-Atchisor
Globe.
Natures tendency is to restore the
balance as man gets "short" hi
face gets long.-Hotel Gazette.
Rebellion is spreading. Even il
such conservative places as milliners
stores there have been several bolts o.
ribbon.-Ex.
A man should not put too much
trust in his fellow men-particularly
when he runs q grocery store.-Som
erville Journal.
Lawyer (arrogantly).-Talk is cheap
sir; talk is cheap.
Client (angrily)-Not when ] have
to hire you.-Ex.
The man who boasted that he was
as regular as the sun" forgot thai
that luminary rises only twice in the
year at the same time.-Puck.
A young man was fined $25 the
other day for hugging a St. Louis girl
That was terrible punishment for al
act of charity.-Peoria Daily Tran
script.
Would-be-suitor-"Has your sister
an eye for the beautiful ?"
Small brother-"I guess so, for she
told me it makes her eyes tired to look
at you.'-Ex.
Simeral-That's a queer collar fol
you, temperance man, to wear.
Shooper-What's the matter will
that collar?
It's tight.-Ex.
Faithful to the present. "What dc
you prefer, Mr.. Youngblood, brunette'
or blondes ?" asked a reigning belle
and he replied: at depends altogeth
er on which I am with. ."-Somervill'
Journal.
Knox-"Oh, I'm in no hurry to die
I'm willing to wait until the Lore
wants me-"
Hicks-"Until the Lord wants you
Great Scott do you mean to live for
ever ?"-Ex.
Cause for being angry. He-Why
should you be so angry at me for steal
ing just one little kiss
She-Any self-respecting woman
would be angry at man who kissed
her just once.-Ex.
A doubling Thomas. She-Dic
you let father know that you owned I
great deal of real estate?
He-I hinted at it.
What did he say9
He said Deeds speak louder thar
words. ."-Ex.
This season especially. Custome
What's the price of your coal?
Dealer-Six dollars ton.
Weigh me out a ton.
Ahem Where the coal is weigh
ed out in the presence of the custom
er always charge dollar extra
Texas Siftings.
All gone to the bad. Bagley-"
tell you | feel sorry for old Mr.. Per
kins. He's had very bad luck witt
his boys"
Bailey-"Two of them are in tn
States prison, aren't they ?"
eyes, and Jim has just been elected
to the legislature.-Time.
Sense of propriety. Johnny-Ma
what's the use of keeping the whil
you use on me behind the motto Goo
bless our home ?"
Mammalian you suggest better
place?
Johnny-Yes put it behind tn,
motto II need Thee every hour. ."-Ex
Quite united, 81 thought you wer
going to marry Miss Goldthwaite
Charlie. Haven't you had some as
pirations in that line ?"
81 had, but it was no go. Her fam
lily were all opposed to it,"
well, but if the girl herself
II said all the family. She wa
one of 'em. Puck.
AT country hotel. A traveller re
tires to his room, leaving word tha
he is to be called for an early train
In the morning he is aroused from {
sweet sleep by the porter knocking
vehemently at the door.
"Who is there ?"
"Are you the gentleman that wa
to be called for the 5:15 train ?"
"Yes. All right"
"Then you can go to sleep again
sir ; the trains gone w-Ex.