, 1890-02-12

the ulrt under your 1eet- IL new o
to know that the Binghams and the
Whittakers air as good families as you
kin find a~nywheres. jackson jefferson
is quite good enough for that gal of
yourn, and as fur bein' poor, I've got
considerable to leave myself; and eff /
hadn't, his pa is forehanded, and his ma
has a forty acre farm of her own, be-
sides stocks. jackson jefferson can
marry Squire Maltby's darter fur the
askin', and eff l was him / wouldn't hev
a gal that would go round with the back
of her waist split down so it amt decent,
when she could patch it with the trail of
her dress and leave plenty to spare to
trip folks up on
Grandper always kin talk eff he wants
to, and the folks they all jest set and
laughed to hear how good he gave it to
that old gentleman, and he never so
much as answered up, and we couldn't
hear what jefferson said for the noise;
but he went out, and the young lady, she
Jest tainted dead away. / was sort of
sorry for her. But Jane said she was
sure she painted, fur she saw white on
her nose, and then her pa, he jest walked
about and talked to himself until she
came to, and then he told her she'd got
to marry somebody or other-I forget
names SO easy that l can't tell you who
he was-and she said she'd die fust, and
went onto her knees. Then folks called,
and they all had tea, and nobody so
much as pulled the shade down, and
some ladies that came they talked, and
a gentleman he made love to the young
lady jackson wanted, and it was real in
tnragtinr b,tt thara ,rnr,,'t -, La--,n 49,
10 dancing. only after awhile they did
pull the shade down. and the band came
out oil the cellar doors and played again.
perhaps the theayter will begin now,"
says grandper; ''but | don't see no tight
rope"
But in a little while in the band went
again, and the shade went up, and there
was Jackson. 1t didn't look like the
same room, and he said he was jest
home and was tired, and grandper said:
"Ay, ay, you had orter keep early
hours, Jackson"
Then jackson he said he had the most
awful presentiments of suthin another
dreadful, and grandper said:
Don't fret, my boy. Your ma is well,
and the rest of the folkses t~olerable."
And then jackson laid down on the
sofa and went to sleep, and everything
got blue; and there must hev been an
organ somewhere playing a hymn tune,
and there wus somebody peepin' in at
h winder. 1t wus the gentleman that
had hirted with the low necked girl, and
there wus two awful tramps with him.
Then one tramp says:
"ls that our man, master2"
And the gentleman says, YES" and
told them that he had paid them well,
and they must not slight their work.
| thought he was going to have the
carpets shook, but when the other tramp
said: =
"Ay, ay, masterl Dead men tell no
tales, " l got skeered, and then the gentle
man went away and the tramps got in at
the winder and came tiptoe down toward
jackson jefferson. And one of 'em took
out a big knife and the other a handker-
chuff, and it wus jest as plain as any
thing they meant to kill him.
Grandper jumped up to his feet again:
Jackson" he hollers; but jackson
didn't wake up.
jackson" yells Eben, but he never
stirred, and the tramps were tiptoeing
along.
Come on, grandper," says Eben.
"Ay, my boy" says grandper.
Jane, she shruck most fearful.
l saw ]grandper rush up the aisle, club
bling his umbrella, and Eben doubling his
fist. All the congregation jumped up
and laughed and shrieked, and l saw
Eben catch the biggest tramp by his COL
lar, and grandper catch hold of the other
one by his belt, her the shade came
down, and the band came of the
cellar doors and played away, and every
body laughed until up went the shade,
and out came a stout gentleman with a
bald head, and says he:
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to
entreat your patience. The interruption
caused by a misapprehension on the part
of a venerable guest from the country,
who, carried away by the realism of the
scene, bravely flew to the relief of the
hero, shall be but brief. Thanking you
for your courtesy and good feeling, /
offer you my apologies and regrets"
Then he cen most turned a summerset
bowling, and everybody clapped and
pounded, and the congregation sat down,
and the young nan in the tail coat come
fetchin' grandper and Eben to their
seats. Eben was the color of an egg
plant and grandper was like red flannel
all over. Their collars and ties was tore
off and Eben's sleeve was pulled out.
Come along, gals" says grandper.
EUR my part l side with your aunt
Bingham and the dominic forevermore.
l never seen such carvings on, and don't
want to see such ag'in. I'll u jackson
jefferson off with a nickel. Eff l did
make a mistake he might hev said,
Much obliged fur yer good intentions,
g%randper,' or 4 haven't no need of as
~sistance, but thank you kindly Instead
of that he called me IN old idjut. Now,
| amt no idjut, as he'll find out when my
will is read"
II be-" says Eben, "the darndest idjut
goin'. 1t was all takin' off, Hammer: but
who wus to know it2 It's a massy the
tramp grandper attended to got his
breath ag'in or he'd be hung and me, too,
fur all l know, fur helpin' him."
1.-THE fat gentleman spoke real pretty
about it," says l. Suppose we sit still
now we know it is takin' off, and see il
out2''
But they wouldn't, 80 we all went.
Jane was in highstrikes, and Hammer
spilled the bottle of lemonade, and the
haudEarchuff came united. and all the