Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-11-13

IAuNC lOu DiOhtu Oh your CuRdSt-
ment, old MANI What's the matterl"
swell, was hard up, you see, so l
quarreled, and had all my presents re-
turned, and was able to realize upon
them. Couldn't possibly have raised the
money any other way. y Bazaar.
THE ONE HATEFUL THING.
A man will take cold, a joke, a drink, a
walk, wife,
4 rest, hint, his medicine, an insult or
an ice,
A warning, poison-will, in fact, take
anything in life
Except that weil-meant, hateful thing
that people call advice.
-[Racket.
OVER AGAIN.
Across the pathway, myrtle fringed,
Under the maple, it was hinged
The little wooden gate;
Twas there, within the quiet gloam,
When had strolled with Nellie home,
used to pause and wait.
"Good night" I'd say; "Good night
good-by"
"Good night" from her, with half a
sigh
"Good hight" "Good night" And
then
And then l do not go, but stand,
Again lean on the railing, and
Begin it all again!
Il Pawtucket Times.
HE GOT A RAISE,
Charley Silliboy-Mr. Duste, do you
consider me worthy slight increase of
salary
Mr.. Duste-A difficult question to
answer, but l will see what can do for
you. You believe in the old adage,
"Time is money!"
Charlle-I do, thoroughly.
Mr.. Duste-All right, then; hereafter
you may work twelve instead of ten
hours each day jewelers. Circular.
TWO ON A TOUR.
A story is told that on one occasion
Charles Dudley Warner, who is neIghbor
and friend to Mark Twain, wanted him
to go walking and Mark, as usual, re-
fused. Dudley insisted, but to no
purpose.
4You ought to do it," he said, finally.
"It's according to Scripture"
"No Mark-the- perfect-man chest
nuts on me-" replied the willy humorist.
Where's your authority ?"
"The fifth chapterof Matthew, verse
the forty-frst," said Mr. Warner,
(Which reads thus 'And whoever
shall compel thee to go a mile, go with
him, Twain.'"
Mr.. Clemens went with Mr.. Warner
that time.
DROP OFF.
Seattle, Wash, is trife hilly.
"My friend" said new conner meet.
ing native on Thirteenth street, scar
you direct me to the shortest route tC
First street ? I am in hurry"
"Wal," responded the native, "jest
go to the end of this block and drop off
where you land will be First street. .
THE POINT OF VIEW.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Is that your experienced
Yes. Pm q lawyer.
REALLY, TRULY, MARTYR.
DIR. Eisen-You are getting near.
sighted, madam. You should wear
glasses.
Mrs. Gidet-O Doctor! My nose is
too small to hold eyeglasses, and specta,
cles are so very unbecoming. What
shall | do ?
THE LATEST WRINKLE.
Miss Roxie Sand-Oh, papa! Lord
Blazonberrie wants to have ''P. t." put
in the corner of our wedding invita-
tions.
Mr.. Sand-"P. T."-Private terms
eh!-but that is trade expression.
Miss Roxie-Oh, yes; but he says he
doesn't care to have every one know
what we paid for him.-[Puck.
A TRUTH UTTERED.
Son-But accidents will happen,
father, in the best regulated families.
Father-That's all right, but want
you to understand that mine is not one
Of the best regulated families. - Judge.
OF MoRE CONSEQUENCE.
Visitor-Excuse me, sir, but are you
the President of the college?
Important Person-Well, I guess not.
I'm the janitor.
HE WASN'T UP IN NAUTICAL TERMS.
Alonzo Gushington Ito Miss Anastasia
Prim, his affianccd)-See yon yacht,
Anastasia, how it fingers near the shore,
as if 10th to leave it. / am as the yacht,
with you the shore, Anastasia.
Miss Anastasia (stifiy)-Alonzo, you
are not nautical man, are you2
Young Gushington-No, Anastasia.
Miss Anastasia-Thel l pardon you.
Young Gushington--Pardon me, Ana
stasia? Why pardon2
Miss Anastasia-Because you are evil
IDENTIFY not aware that yon yacht is hug
ging the shore.
LOVE Is BLIND.
A maid went out to promenade
All on summer morning;
Her hair was banged; she was arrayed
In brand new togs of noisy shade,
So built around that they displayed
Her natural adorning.
Her face was anything but sweet,
Her step aught else than airy;
No garment that she wore was neat,
And she had No. feet,
But yet the man she came to meet
Called her his little fairy"
A oblon6 proco