The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1890-06-21
THREE FUNERAL SERMONS
A Custom Bad Enough to Raise the
Dead and Kill the Living.

0O(AA
buried. In fact, nearly al of the preach
er's work consists of funeral orations.
Sometimes a new circuit rider, to en-
dear himself to the people, viii first an
nounce himself by declaring that he will
entertain his beloved hearers with a few
remarks on the life, character and death
of old Anderson Lipscomb, who surren-
dered to the demand Of the great high
sheriff Of death Just forty-three years
ago yesterday.
Recently Simeon J.. Boyle, a circuit
rider Of the old school, was appointed by
conference to take charge Of the Black
Sulphur Springs circuit. He was known
as q powerful ~agonizer, a man who
could raise the soft hair Of luxurious sin
into the stiff bristles of fear. The day
after Boylehaa arrived in the neighbor-
hood Of his new charge he was called
upon by Wigs Bailey, Wiggsis o well
known character of the conmunity-a
man Of ~untre1nbling nerve, Of strong
arms, and an appetite that had never
been known to Fail.
"What can / do for your the preacher
asked, when the visitor had introduced
himself.
"Jes' called topay my respeclxs an to
tell you if you ever need my sarvices,
jes' call on me. I'preciate the position
you hold as a worker for the Lord, and I
wanter ask a favor of you"
"All right, brother
"Iwant you to preach the funeral of
my brother Ike. Best Teller you ever
seen in your hfe-disd about ten or
fifteen years ago. Great big Teller, whip
ped old Oscar Miles once, and Os was a
power in the land, tell you. Now you
preach his funeral, an I'll make it all
right with you"
twill do it, brother. What was the
cause of his DEATH"
"Lack of Ticker"
"What, was he SO addicted to the use
of liquor that when it gave out and he
couldn't get any more he dieds'
tOh, no; hewas never much Of a hand
to drink
ssThen how did he dic on account Of
the lack Of liquor
"W'y, he was bit by a rattlesnake, an
ashedidn't have no Kicker, he jest mach
ully died."
"And you want me to preach his fu-
neral?"
"Yes, an you ken get in some power
fulwork when you git down inter the
Jacks Of his lyyin' thar sufferin' furlicker.
You ken fetch the tears outen mighty
nigh ever eye in the house"
ssIasee, but q description Of his death,
no matter how vivid, will not be quite
enough: Tell me something of his life"
"Wall, he wa the powerfullest Teller
in the country. Reckon lie could lift
more at a handspikethan any man about
here.p
"But whatwere his strongest pointsw
"Rasslin', brother, .rasslin' with the
ketch-as-ketcl1-can rule
sBut had he not some moral quality"
ooh, yes. He didn't swear 'cept when
he couldn't.h help hisseIf.v
ssWell; Twill do the best I can. VIII
next Sunday do?;p
Eyes, suits me all right. Thar'll be q
big crowd out, specially as thisiis your
fust 'p~earance, an Iwant you to paint
Ike as bright as a rose.p
Eyes," said the preacher, scratching
his head, ssI1l do that. Your brother
was a-a-a popular man, was hep
Popular as a basket of ginger cakes
at a county fair"
"All right, brother. I'll be on hand
next Sunday"
The house was crowded on the follow
ing Sunday. Wigs took seat nearthe
pulpit, and, taking out an immense
handkerchief-it must have been the
half Of a tableclo6h-mado himself ap-
pear as a man Of deep seated sorrow.
The new circuit rider preached a power
full sermon; he painted a pathetic pict-
ure of a man w~allowing on the ground,
wringing his hands and crying, in an
agonized voice: 'sLicker, OIL bring me
Ticker, or Twill perishI.,
After services were over Wigs shook
hands with the preacher, and then,
breaking down with the weight Of his
emotion, wheeled about and disappeared
in the woods.
On the following Saturday Wigs
called on the preacher again. II have
come" said the visitor, when the min
lister had shaken hands with him, "to
tell you that not only me, but every
body, is delighted with the brother Ike
sermon"
II am highly pleased to hear it,"
mot at all. Say, I've got another fa-
vor to ask"
What is it, brotherS"
"Iwant you to preach the sermon Of
nay brother Ike again next Sunday"
'sWhy, that wouldn't do at ALL"
"Why mott"
Because I preached it last Sunday"
brother, lei me tell you thatI como I
mighty nigh runnin' thishere commune
ty. Iput Eve Of the main logs in that
church you preachedinlast Sunday, and
unless you preach HE'S funeral again
next Sunday, whysTIl take the logs that
belong to me an split 'em up for fire
wood. Oh, don't you think the folks
will take your part. They know me
know that it won't do to fool with me.
What do you say"
.s0h, rather than have any trouble,
brother, Twill do as you suggest"
"Will you make it as powerful as the
other one wasp
II will try" the preacher answered.
Albright; but mind that you do try
The next Sunday the people were
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