Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-08-08
NOODLES TALKS OF THE WEST.
His Experiences in That Region Have
Not PrepOssessed Him in its Favor.

"WhatI chiefly object to about the west, VI
said Noodles at the Platypus Club last night,
lis that it is SO dreadfuly crude. Out there
no perception seems to be entertained OF the
differences among the people. 1 remember
very well that the morning after my arrival in
st. Louis was pursued by crowd of rowdy
boys with a fusillade Of UNDERGONE potatoes
simply, as well as l could make out, for the
reason that they did not approve OF my dress.
When am in Washington what l wear does
not excite remark, but in that region the mere
fact Of being alfred in a manner that is not
distinctly out of fashion elicits-such was my
experience i'll Omaha-raw tomatoes and even
eggs.
when reached Denver it was still winter
and snow was on the ground. A small boy
threw SNOWFALL at me. 1t was question with
me whether or no l should return the compli-
ment, for l am naturally shy. However, l have
strlven earnestly to overcome this weakness.
and, for the sake OF being affable, 1 responded
by gently chucking not over round lump at
my lmpromptu adversary. You may. perhaps,
imagine my surprise when this Inbred youth a
moment later struck me quite unawares and
with great force full in the back Of my new
summer overcoat with very much decayed
apple The fruit distributed itself unpIeas-
antly over my garments and was presently
compelled to retire from public view in order
to be wiped of by a casual and very dirty boot
black. My faith i'll the generosity of human
nature was considerably impaired by this un-
fortunate occurrence.
Il do not mind so much having stones thrown
at me In Chicago as l did an occurrence one
day while l was passing the board OF trade,
when dense crowd of three hundred settling
clerks waiting to enter the building for the
squaring of their firms accounts, with one ac-
cord took up a shout as passed Of Look at the
dnNpr N chOruS hat thav
tinued for full two minutes. being audible for
many blocks around, and was scarcely con-
soied atterward for my temporary embarrass-
ment when / learned that this a regular
and habitual gag on ''change' in Chicago
Il do think, however, that the atmosphere
Of some western cities discouraged me the
most. AS the train approached st. Louis
looked out OF the car window and saw a dense
cloud overhangIng the town"
Dear boy said to the conductor, what
do these people breatheT
'''Soot and coal gas, my blooming was his
reply.
I" 'Nothing elses' asked.
ooh, yes, he answered Smoke
Il understood him afterward, when saw
the snow faii-not white, but light mud color
That conductor. by the way, was very ex-
traordinary person. and he made some remarks
that did not at all comprehend. He told me
to hold on tight to my valse. lest 1 should
blow out through the car window. Evidently
he was joking, for, although l have heard Of
cyclones and tornadoes in the west, do not
fancy that they are frequent
However, to return to the atmosphere,
happened to be strolling along the street one
day in St. Louis, in company with a very
charming girl, when she suddenly came to a
stop and said: Keep perfectly still; it's right on
the end of your nosen
Good heavensr 1 cried, amazed. What
can be the matter?'
Don't move she said, and I'll blow it of.
And. rising upon tiptoe, she blew violently into
my left eye.
ITS off nowp she said.
"'Thank goodness for thatr replied. But
what was itY
"A piece Of SCOT. If you had tried to rub it
off it would have made q horrid smooch; we
always blow EN-
Thanks! said. But does it always rain
SCOT here, like u chimney
"'Oh, yes, she said. But it's very much
worse in damp weather.
The west, dear boys, is well enough for
commercial purposes; but for elegant idlers
like ourselves it will not do. You will scarcely
credit the fact when tell it to you that in that
part of the country the rushing of the GROWER
for beer, SO popular in the tenement house dis
tricts OF eastern towns. is the chosen convivial
amusement OF ultra-fashion."