Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-08-13
Dir. and Mrs. BOWseP.
TEE LATTER TELLS HOW THE FORMER NOV
ED THE HALL COAL STOVE.

TIE LATTER TELLS HOW THE FORMER NOV
ED THE HALL COAh STOVE.
Last fall Mr.. Bowser put a base burner in
the front hall to keep it at a comfortable
temperature during the winter, and when
the spring came nothing was said about
moving the stove. It was not in the way.
We had no place to move it to, and when
summer came without Mr.. Bowser's having
said anything about a removal felt perfect
~ assured that he would leave that stove
alone. Great was my CONSERVATION, there
fore, when he suddenly observed the other
evening as we roasted on the front steps:
swell, well, but how absent minded /
have becomei Why didn't you call my at
tention to the fact that that GOAL stove had
not been moved out of the hall?"
s'Because it is to be left there"
trNot much! People must have thought
us queer family to have it there as long
as we have"
sMr. Bowser, that stove is not in the
way, and it is not an eyesore Besides, we
have no place to store it,"
SIT goes to the barn of course"
'tMr. Bowser, you can no more move that
stove than I can fly"
"Can't l? can do it with one hand tied
behind me, and I'll 60 right at it."
"Mr. Bowser, remember that protest"
"Certainly. You are the great American
protester, anyway. If I killed fly you'd
protest"
went back to the steps, knowing we'll
what would happen, but felt that had
done my duty. I heard him fussing around
for while, and then he muttered.
"She's purity hefty, but she's got to come
out o. this"
Ten seconds later there was wild whoop,
and when got into the hall Mr.. Bowser
stood on one foot and was shaking the 9th
Ell in the air, while the top of the stove lay
on the floor. He had pulled it off at the
first grab.
"Thunder-and blazes-and Jew hittaker
and Texas-and Jemima" he was yelling
as he waved his foot aloft.
"Didn't tell your" queried, as look.
ed at him.
"No. Never! You never said word
not word!'
s.Now, will you let that stove aloneP"
"No! I'll take it out of here if die for
I'll"
"Mr. Bowser, this pig headed obstinacy
of yours will surely lead to"-
''None of the Bowser family were ever
yet downed by coal stove, and it's toe
late to begin now"
Another man would have removed the
legs first He didn't think of it, but under.
took to move the stove as one moves bar
rel standing on end. He had progressed
about five feet when there was sound
which frightened the whole neighborhood.
My first impression was that the ginger
ale factory in the alley had exploded and
driven our barn up against the kitchen. My
next was that British gunboat had slipped
around from the Behring sea and dropped
4O0-pound she'll on the roof of our house
to offset Mr.. Bowser's assertions that we
/ knew what had happened. So did the
cook. So did the neighbors. 1t was min
ute before could move, and was flying
indoors when heard Mr.. Bowser utter a
strange sound-something between the last
roar of dying lion and the plaintive moan
of cow for her lost calf. I couldn't see
him at first. 1t was all stove, and the stove
was on top of him. Between my screams
and the cooks shouts we got neighbor in,
and the three of US lifted up the stove and
dragged Mr.. Bowser out.
I got the doctor up. No bones were brok-
en-, but Mr.. Bowser had collapsed, like an
empty barrel, and every square inch of him
was bruised and pounded. 1t was long af-
ter midnight before he said anything.
was rubbing him with arnca with one hand
and tanning him with the other, when he
looked up and asked:
"Mrs. Bowser, is it fatal?"
ooh, no, DEAR
"Any bones broken?"
"None.'
"Did the stove fall on me?"
Eyes, dear.''
"Don't yes, DEAR me, Mrs. Bowser, for
I won't stand it! The scales have fallen
from my eyes at last, and I know you for
what you are! A nice job, wasn't it! CAL
culated I'd be driven through the floor,
didn't you? Hoped to be a widow by this
time, eh? Tomorrow. Mrs. Bowser, I'll
call up lawyer, and we'll see what's
wha,!"-Detroit Free Press.