River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1890-09-18
PITH AND POINT.

-Neverpay-"IIave you completed
my suit thatI ordered?" Finklestein-
''No. half not yet cut de clot', but l
haf your pill already made out"-Chi-
cage Post
-"What polite man Mr.. Geestring,
the violinist is" Indeed? ! had not
noticed it" ''O.l. yes. Why. he's bow
ing and scraping all the time
America
II hate himl-I hate him as / do
poisonl'' "Then why do you have him
visit you?" well. FL tell you, but
you must not betray me. My wife does
my cooking. aud l want TO ruin his di-
gestion. "-Harper's Bazaar.
First Messenger Boy say, yer
there, wat fur yer runnin' down the
street just now?" Second Messenger
Boy-"Ah. com-off. Some bloke guv
me push an started me runnin' an
! wuz too lazy to stop. See?"
When a man has two cigar, good
one and one intolerably bad, and he
gives away the former and smokes the
stoga himself, that man comes about IS
near Christian perfection as it is pos
sible for a man to get-Boston Tran
script.
~ see by the newspapers" re-
marked Mrs. Bunting. ''that petrified
jaw two feet long has been found in Cal
ifornia-" why, you never told me
that your ancestors came from that
part of the country" replied her hus-
band.-Figaro
Lawyer Ito Burglar)-"Don't take
all have. It's ruin" Burglar-"Well.
I'll tell you what I'll do, pard l won't
iivvv now, but if get snagged by the
police I'll let you defend me and go you
halves if You get me of. See?'-Pitts-
burgh Dispatch.
Mrs Higgins-(to her sta= boarder)
Won't you try the chicken, Mr..
McJunkin?" McJunkin-(passin it to
his neighbor)-"Thanks, no; but the
Judge here is the man to do that"
Mrs Higgins-''Why?" McJunkin-
Hes used to trying tough characters,
you know."-Inter Ocean.
No Responsibility you are
married, Jack?" 81 am, jim" II
hope you considered the matter we'll
1t is a serious matter assuming the re-
sponsibilities involved in marriage"
You're wrong, my friend. / have no
responsibility at all now My wife's
the boss. boston Courier.
Uncle John-''It pains me, Charles,
to hear you forever saying what great
things you are going TO do next week,
next month, or next year. Why don't
you try and do something now? There
is no time like the present" Charles
''And it is for that reason. Uncle John,
that | mean to enjoy it all can"
I'D like to ask you how you killed
this chicken" said the homeless young
man to his landlady. why, the girl
cut its head off, of course" with a
hatchet?'' ITO be sure; you seem I'M
accountably interested" NO. but l
would like to know where you buy your
hatchets. Washington Post
-Softpate-'I don't fawncy the style
of sports in vogue just now. Think
they're wather dull. you know. Just
think of the good old days when they
used to hunt the stag, and the boar.
and all that sort of thing" Miss Sharpe
Hunt the bore? All. yes, What a
pity you did not live in those daysr'-
America.
-Whiffers-"Narrow escape Differs
had yesterday, wasn't it?" Miffers-
Il didn't hear of it," Winters "Why,
that bore, De Cable. button-holed him
on the street and began telling him all
about that first baby Of his; but fortu-
nately just as he got started a runaway
horse dashed into them and Differs was
killed. Good News.
Anxious Mother-'I want an order
TO send my daughter to an insane asy
lum for treatment She is going to
marry man thirty years older than
herself" Judge-''Why, madam, girls
marry men every day, and are not con-
sidered insane" Anxious Mother
"Yes, but the old man my daughter
wants TO marry is poor. N. Y. Weekly.