davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
OUR SHORT STORIES.
WAS BENEVOLENT.

Tn ANswER to vigorous ring at the bell, q
woman went to the door. and addressing q
man who stood on the steps, asked: "Do you
wish to see anyoner
''Yes. Does DR.. Bonesett live hereF
"Yes, but he is not at home"
"When will he be int"
Il can't tell; he's is Europe now"
swell, I owed him So and told him that
would bring it round to-day"
"You may leave 1t with me and will give 1t
to him when he returns"
mo, won't do that. can't firt with man
that hasn't enough earnestness to stay at home
and attend to his business. / told him posi-
lively that 1 should be here to-day. Now you
see what he has lost by his loose way of doing
business. By the way, would you mind giving
me a little something to eatf l have travelled
quite distance to keep my appointment and
am somewhat hungry"
Don't you think you had better take the IS
that you were going to give the doctor and buy
something to eatf"
MADAM. would you counsel me to be an en-
bezzler2 1 owe this money to the doctor and
no power, not even that of hunger, can force
me to squander it, Isupposcd at first that you
were Christian woman-but we will let that
pass. II you have nothing to eat handy, madam,
would you mind letting me have quarter?"
mo, I'm not engaged in charitable work"
"Oh, you are not. Well, you are one Of the
ladies am looking for. The truth is, a cry has
gone up that the women of this city are not
charitable, and the newspapers are trying to
find out the names of those who have so de-
clared themselves. do not need quarter. I
do not owe the doctor a cent, but have come
here as a reporter. The twenty-five cent pieces
which 1 may collect are to be placed in the
hands of benevolent committee. do not
care to ask any further questions concerning
yourself, Any additional facts may wish to
know with regard to you 1 can learn from the
woman next door. Good day."
Hold on" said the woman. II am not ops
posed to charitable work, and the newspapers
need not say SO. Here is a quarter"
II thank you, madam. and will see that your
name does not appear on the black list"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
HOW DAVID FIGURES IT,
What MIR. Kirk Says the Standard Took
From Producers In One Month.
To the Editor of The Dispatch:

To the Editor Of The DISPATCH:
Since talking to your reporter the September
report of production and consumption has
come to hand. This shows the same state of
affairs.
Barrels
The world needed and took from us
in the month of August............ 2.642 7S6
We produced only. ......,....... 25l4 992
Consumption over production...... 197,794
For the same amount of oil tho
Standard and Joe Craig in Novem-
Der last paid producers rs........S3.3 .313, ,425 40
The Standard now, with Joe gone.
pays...." ......"................. 2434,69O 40
Dlnerence..... e..........................S S7S,7 ,7So w
While she buys at this reduced price she
Thus she steals from the producers in one
month SS7S.73 DAVID KIRK
PITTSBURG, September 15
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

THE declaration of the House that 1t will
not take the trouble to discuss the Senate
amendments seriatim. but will disagree to
them all, no matter what they are. is sweeping;
but it is the quickest way of getting down to
the real business of settling what the bill shall
be, in conference committee.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

1T appears to be fact that Prince George
of Wales got into the Montreal lookup; but
when we are asked TO swallow the rest of the
story about the way in which the scion OF roy
atty knocked out five roughs and put sixth to
flight, with only one assistant, we are obliged
to give more admiration to the loyal imagina-
tion of the reporter than to the prowess of the
Prinoe
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

NOVEL information about the new tariff
bill continues to come in from all parts of the
country. The Alta California has learned
that ''the iron and steel industry of New En-
gland is destro. red by tariff increase of 81 rs
ton on foundry iron: forge iron. So 80 per ton;
scrap iron, 81 81 per ton; Besscmcr iron IS so
per ton. If the esteemed Alta can designate
the sections in which these increases of the
tariff are made, it will demonstrate itself to be
In possession of exclusive and important infor-
nation.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
Irish Americans.

From the Philadelphia Record.l
The Democratic party is much indebted to
Ireland for some of its most redoubtable and
accomplished champions. The Democratic
nominee for Governor of Minnesota, Thomas
Wilson, was born in Ireland in 1927 He is q
man Of great ability and Of deserved popu-
larity.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
The Race Problem indefinitely Postponed.
From the Detroit Free Press

From the Detroit Free Press.l
The race problem was on the way to solu
tion in Reading, Pa, when an untoward event
checked its progress young white girl of
that place was beloved of two gentlemen of
color, and would undoubtedly have married
one Of them-as soon as he could have gotten
divorce from his wife. Unfortunately a fierce
quarrel broke out between the two rivals. and
in the conflict one Of them was slain. As the
other one goes to prison the girl is disconsolate,
and the settlement of the race difficulty is in
definitely postponed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
A Ticket With Two Hends.

From the Cleveland LEADER
What is the matter with this. ticket for
1892: For President, William Mckinley, of
OHIO; for Vice-President, Thomas b. Reed. of
Maine?" asks correspondent. Well. that
would be ticket with two heads. 1t is one of
several tirst-class tickets the Republicans could
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
Can Set the styles.

From the Philadelphia Record.l
Speaker Reed has vindicated his right to
wear sash or surcingle as he shall please, to
ornament his feet with russell shoes, and exc
to paint his face vermilIon if his fancy runs
that way. He is big Injun from Passama-
QuoddY,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
Cnnnon's Mode of Fighting.
From the New York World

From the New I OrK W OrIu. 7
A thick-and-thin Republican organ at the
West says that Congressman Cannon fought
the Democrats with fire." For fire read filth.
1t will then not appear strange that 'he put
them to flight"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

THE Grant monument design is on paper.
1t pleases the people of New York SO much
that they are still undecided whether they will
not keep it there.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
Natural Gas Expectations.

From the Buffalo Tlmes.1
The big supply of natural gas in prospect from
Canada ought to solve the smoke problem to
the satisfaction of factory owners, Stop pol
hiring the atmosphere!
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
COLD weather has bad effect on gas meters
1t makes them too fast.

POLICEMAN on the Hill yesterday put two
shots into a very small dog. then dubbed it
then dosed it with lead again, then some more
Climb A big crowd of children, women, and
the few men in the neighb0rhood who had
nothing TO do were in at poor doggie's death.
Whv not stop this cruel practice? If dog
bites be merciful in enforcing the death
penalty. Street scenes of this sort will not
teach the little ones to be humane That dogs
death agony will haunt the slumbers of the
children who looked on.
RUssET cider now takes the place of the rus
set shoe. Touch it lightly, though. The cider
of to-day is not the cider Of our daddies.
The bowlers have their inning now. There
are no Salies in the Pittsburg Allies, however.
It's fine, healthy sport, girls, and you should
tryit.
JACK FROST and Old Sol meet on debatable
ground in this neck of the woods.
FROST helps the oyster. There'san II" in it,
too.
DESK room is at q premium in the school
rooms. Put wings on the houses, gentlemen,
and let the young idea soar.
FRUIT dealers are nervous. They have to
scan their small change closely now on acco unit
OF the counterfeit SlOO bills in circulation.
WE have the legitimate in undress this week
at one theater.
WHEN a young man rings a society belle the
whole ncighborhood hearsit, and everybody ex-
poets to 60 to the wedding.
If YOU want to see nature in her autumn
suit run out to Schenley Park.
STEEL trinkets will be the rage in London
next winter. They should catch on in Pittsburg.
WHEN the Harrison's have to cook their own
meals over log fire they will conclude that life
in a mountain cottage is delusion.
ALApY's fan agitates the hearts of her suit
ors as we'll as the air they breathe.
The man who wraps himself In thought and
forgets MS overcoat will catch cold these cool
evenings.
MONEY seems to be In great demand.
Where's that surplus?
WHEN Eve grew inquisitive Adam ordered
fail suit.
BLAIR's speech on the Educational bill con-
tanned 273.0Oo words. He simply talked his
hobby to death.
AMBITION is all right, but don't sacrifice the
mall things of life for it.
SEVERAL editors in Cannon's district have
decided to unload him. They're not for Joe
anymore.
JOE HOWARD says 1t costs about as much to
die as to live. But the fellow In the coffin
don't have to settle the bill, Joseph. Let the
living enjoy themselves.
The Sultan is harem-scarem chap.
WILLIE WINKLE.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
HOW IMPRESSED THEM.

THEY stood on the American shore and gazed
in wonder-struck silence at the majesty
and beauty of Niagara, The personiticatlon of
feminine grace and tenderness, she leaned
confidingly on the arm of her husband-her
ideal of manly strength and chiyalry. The
glowing sunbeams danced in the spray that
rose like fairy mountains before their eyes,
radiant with the gorgeous hues OF the rain
bow, and the falling waters sounded their
eternal monotone in the ears of the listeners,
whose hearts beat responsive to its deep
pulsations. Natures own voice spoke to them
and stirred the profoundest depths of their
being.
The young husband pressed the little hand
thatlay confidingly on his arm, and smiled on
the sweet face upturned to his.
"Gwendolen," he said, the rapture Of his
emotions thrilling his voice and shining out
through his dark eyes, "does it stack up TO
your expectations?"
'Launcelot" and her eyes, seemed about to
overflow with excess of pent-up feeling-'it's
just the cutest thing ever struck"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

THAT frost did not come to time. In
view Of the lovely weather Of the past two
days, the Signal Service can rely on the public
pardon for its last slip.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

60 into State issues he would doubtless have
expressed his conviction that the publication
of Pennsylvania politics is an irridesoent
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
Davis Fifth avenue Museum.

The Venetian lady troubadours continue to
make uncommonly sweet music in Davis Fifth
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
If churches were wicked the congregation
would be larger.

FIRST impressions of foreigners are frequent
ly funny. After the little parade Saturday
night young gentleman asked what it meant
He was informed that it was political demon
stration, but only baby affair as compared
with blowous during Presidential year; that
this was an of year. When asked what he
thought OF American politics, he remarked:
"Well. Pm over only few months. l never
saw lights in parade or dusky torchbearers
before. Pm reading the papers, though, and
from what can Judge the Presidency seems TO
lie between Mr. Reed and John L. Sullivan"
This is a fact. Foreigners cannot fathom Amer
lean fun.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
WRECKS IN CANADIAN WATERS.
me Record of Life saving Includes One


From This Country.
OTTAWA, September l6-The supplementary
report of the Marine Department, which has
lust been issued, shows the number of wrecks
in Canadian waters during the year 1889 were
l6l, 81 being total wrecks.
Eighty-nine lives were lost Forty-seven per-
sons received recognition for their services in
saving life, 3S from the Canadian. 6 from the
British and each from the United States,
Spanish and italian Governments.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

Vol IS No. 22l-Fnterec at Pittsburg Postofice,
November Il 1885, as second-cIass matter.
Business Ofhce--Corner Smithheld and
Diamond Streets.
News Rooms and Publishing House--75,
II and 10 Diamond Street.
EASTERN ADVERTISING OFFICE, RooMzl,
TRIBUNE BUILDING, NEW YORK, where
complete files OF THE DISPATCH can always be
found. Foreign advertisers appreciate the con-
venience. Home advertisers and friends Of THE
DISPATCH, while in New York. are also made
welcome.
THE DISPATCH is regularly on sale
Brentano'S 5 Union Square, NeiO York, and
Il Are de rOperG. Paris France. where any
one 1Uho has been disappointed at hotet
nesCS stand can Obtain IT,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
NOTHIN, TER no

.INJHY are the depot platforms crowded d down
" in this country?" asked passenger of a
Memphis conductor on southbound train that
was speeding along through the Ozark region
of lower Missouri.
"Oh. don't know" responded the official.
''but the people always turn out down here in
good shape every time the train goes by"
At little place few miles north of the Ar
kansas line the curious passenger got Off and
addressed several OF Jbo'natives.
"What brings all these people down to the
station?" he asked.
"Tain't nothin'." was the response. "Jest
same as this every day. People amt got nothin'
ter do down hyar 'cept haul in er little cotton
an watch tn keers 90 by"
'But why do they put on their best clothes
and come down to the depot"
'Nothin' ter do, 1 told you.
But how do they find the time to get away?'
From what?'
why their business of course"
"Lawd, man, how many more times'Il 1 tell
yer that thar amt nothin' ter do down hyar.n
The train moved on through this modern
Utopia, leaving the people standing on the
platfoIm with "nothin' ter do" but watch the
cars and walt for the upbound
passenger.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
HOME Is . splendid winter resort.

DEATH rides on the gale. After blow
nearly all the sailors on ship off Patagonia
were stricken, many dying. The old man with
the scythe must be doubling the Horn.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

HOW they whip the devil around the stump,
to be sure. The Leary lumber raft gets in duty
free under the guise of a foreign vessel built in
American waters. This is decidedly leery.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

JUDGING from some of the matrimonial
afterclaps, Cupid must be hypnotizer.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

IF mind-readers could be utilized in politics,
what schemes could be uncovered and what
little games would be spoiled.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
A WHISKY bottle is chuck full of ideas.

THE only thing the State Department should
consider Is the fact that poor Barrundia was
shot under the folds of the flag. The stories Of
the tragedy should be an after consideration.
THE ways of the world must be crossways to
cross-eyed people.
THE member who jumped up In Congress the
other day and sarcastically yelled. whats
anyway cannot be blamed for
his ignorance, as the Record does not carry
reports. In Pittsburg it's worth from
Is to 30 cents.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

HAD Mr.. Ingalls, deemed it advisable to
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

The pantaloons of corner loafers never bag
at the knees.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
The higher the grain the smaller the loaf.

WHEN the Mckinley bill goes into opera
tion the tax on wine and barley will take a
jump. Perhaps water is destined to become
fayorite beverage after all.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
TERMS OF THE DISPATCH.

fIsTAGE FREE IN THE UNITED STATES
DAILY DISPATCH, One Year. 90
uarT,- DrspATcu Per ouarter r,......... 200
many DIsp ATcrr One Month ,.., 20
DAILY DISPATCH, including sunday, year. u %
BhIT DISPATCH, including Sunday, Sm'ths 80
DAILY DISPATCH, including Sunday. lmonth 50
SUNDAY DISPATCH, One Year. go
WTFKry D1sp aTcrI One Year........ ] IS
The DAILY DISPATCH Is delivered by carriers at
rcents per week, or including Sunday edition,
at2O cents per week.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
TEARS too often choke the voice Of hunger.

The fellow who hunts fight is usually &C
commodated.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

THE Johnstown church elder who said
MADAM you are Iiar," is evidently reading
the Congressional Record closer than the
Bible.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

WHENa brick falls FRI m on high and strikes
pedestrian it's trifie heavier than air.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
WASN'T QuIIE READY.

WASN'T QUITE READY.
DURING a revival in one of the Southern
States, the minister noticing that young
fellow named Hank Boyd had begun to sink
down under apparent conviction, approached
him and asked, How do you feel?"
"Oh, middlin'"
Don't you feel that your life has been sin
full, and that it is time to turn from the certain
destruction that awaits your
"Yas. middlin'."
"Well, won't you come up now and kneel
down at the altar?'
mo, don't believe will right now."
'But now is the accepted time. How much
danger do you suppose your soul is in this very
minute?"
'MiddIin' danger, reckon"
Come with me-" the preacher urged, taking
hold of his arm.
~"No not right now. Pll see you after a
while"
the cross, my dear boy"
won't eff kin hep it."
"Well. then, come along with me-
mo, not right now"
"Don't you know that it is dangerous to
wait?'
"Yes, reckon thar's middlin' lot of danger in
it,"
"Then, for heavens sake, come"
"No, KANT till do one thing. I've got to
whup Abe Bender befo' 1 kere to profess re-
ligon. After that's done I'll be on the Lords
side"
"oh, you must not think of whipping him."
"Kain't hep it when he has done me so
mean"
what did he do?"
"Wall war away frum home luther day
off on the county road ten mile from house,
an wanted a chaw terbacker wus'n houn'
pup ever wanted hunk o. liver, an war pow
ertul nigh dead an war slobberin' like hoss
eatin' white clover. Just then l met Abe. 1
axed him fur chaw, an he grinned at me, a
showin' a mouthful of long green, but lowed
he wouldn't give me none. war too weak to
whup him then, but I'm pearter now, an 1
think 1 kin fetch him: an after 1 have tried,
wy, I'll come into yo' flock"
"My son." said the preacher, as he bit Off a
chew of long green, II don't blame you. aud
more than that, I'll help you whale him."
BOUND NOT TO GET LEFT.
LIE had come from the West to see Boston.
One evening moment or two after leaving
his lodgings he was seen to take a knife from
his pocket, cut a deep cash in tree, and walk
on. He repeated this at intervals along tho
street.
Cautious as he seemed to think himself, his
mutllations had not escaped he notice of sew
eral citizens who felt sort of "woodman spare
that tree' veneration for the tall naples.
'Say, mister" said a burly citizen, approach
ing the stranger, don't you think you had bet
ter let them trees alone? Too early for sap
you know"
Il don't care for sap" was the reply.
"Then what in the deuce are you driving at
with that toad-sticker?"
swell. what do yer suppose? Here I've been
in this ere town three days and haven't been
able to find my way home once. I walked
around the Common three times last night, and
then had ter hire a cab. Why don't you
straighten your streets? But don't mean to
get left tonight; Pll know this street when l
strike it. rll feel my way by those hicks In the
trees"
An humble apology for the streets on the part
of the Bostonians followed. Finally map of
Boston was presented to the stranger on condi-
ton that he would spare the trees.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

THE Kentucky man who dubbed the reporter
is ready tor the cold. cold ground.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16
SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON.
WHEN man falls from grace he shatter.
bis reputation,


IF you want to see how We live to eat make
tour of Lberty street in the morning. From
end to end of the commission house quarter
grocers' vehicles fill the street. and the gong Of
the cable car pilot is constantly Changed for
right of way. The cars seem to zig-zag through
the line of horses, wheels, bobbing heads and
drivers cries, instead Of running on the
straight track. How casualties are avoldeu
only the gripmen and the teamsters can tell.
It's sight to make you hunger, Tor all that.
Piles Of produce grown in field and garden
North, South, East and West swiftly disappear
from the pavement aud I'LL clean, gaily-painted
covered rigs of grocerymen. Load after load
departs to every quarter of the city-to minia-
ture markets which tighten the good house.
wife's labors ard saves her shoeleather. It's
an animating scene on a sunshiny morning. IL
gives you some idea OF the demands OF the
table, of the requirements of life, of the ca
pacities of our stomachs, Of the curiosities of
our cookery, of the bounty of our farms and
gardens. of the diversity of our products. of
the peculiarities of our climate. It's living
picture of the Land Of Plenty.
WHENa brick falls fri m on high and strikes
pedestrian it's trife heavier than air.
THE fellow who hunts fight Is usually ac-
commodated.
TEARS too often choke the voice Of hunger.
If churches were wicked the congregations
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

GIVE us, oh, give us the man who sings at
his work. wrote Carlyle. If Carlyle had worked
in a newspaper office he never would have
written this.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

IsN'T it about time for Mr.. Delamater to take
a day off and write that letter of acceptance.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-16

FAST takers don't choose their words. They
chew them.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1890-01-31
To Keep u Trim Figure.

Women who wish to preserve tho slimness
ard contour of their figure must begin by
learning to stand well. That is explained to
mean the throwing forward and upward of
the chest the flattening Of the back, with the
shoulder blades held in their proper places
and the definite curving in the small of the
back, thus throwing the whole weight Of the
body upon the hips. No other women hold
themselves so well as the aristocratc English
women Much of their beauty lies i'm their
proud carriage, the delicate erectness of
their figures and tie fine poise of their heads
The same aristocratic carriage is within the
reach of any American girl who takes the
pains to have it; it is only the question of
few years of eternal vigilance never relaxing
her watchfuness over herself and, sitting or
standing, always preserving her erectness and
pose, the result being that at the end of that
time it has become second nature to her, and
she never afterward loses it. This, in great
measure, preserves the figure, because it keeps
the muscles firm and well strung, and pre-
vents the sinking down of the flesh around
tho waist and hips SO common in women over
30, and which is perfectly easy to escape
Another thing to avoid is bad habit of go
ing up stairs, which most women do, bent for
ward, with the chest contracted, which, as
we'll as an INDECENT slouchy manner of walk
ing, is injurious to- the heart and lungs
Dress.