Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-09-18

all sorts OF girls, Just bursting with ten
derness.
He'll said you were the first ever
loved. l didn't say you were the only
one who ever loved me. Seel-[New
York Weekly.
USDEcEIvED AT LAST.
Barber-Your head is full of dandruff,
sir.
Customer-rm glad you told me.
was under the impression that it was
brains.-[Life.
FAMILIAR CUSTOMER.
New Boy Cat news stand)-That man
has been standing there an hour reading |
all the latest weeklies and magazines.
News Man-Have patience. He'll buy
a penny paper when he gets through
[Good News.
THE TROUBLE.
'They say the sun never sets on the |
British Empire"
"Too many bayonets, suppose"
TAKING TINE BY THE FoRELocK.
Maria, he pleaded, ''if your father
will not give his consent, will you elope
with met"
'But, Tom, Just think of the wedding
presents we will miss. will promise to
be yours when papa says yes"
"Oh, pshaw! Why wait all that timei
If we el0pe we can celebrate our golden
wedding by the time your father comes
around"
DIDN'T WANT ANY CONSCIENCE IN HIS.
''Can you recommend me to an artist
who can make picture of my hotel9"
eyes. Try Smithkins. He's al
straightforward, conscientious fellow"
'"Then he won't do. The hotel is on
side street. Iwant picture of it fac
ing the square, with four-horse omnibuses
and barouches passing up and down. ~
New York Sun.
LOST TRACK OF THE PRICE.
New Boarder-What is the price of
good, fresh butter9
Landlady-R Really, I couldn't tell. It's
been so long since made any inquiries
about it..
IMPRACTIcABLE ADVICE.
Husband-Dr. Knowall says people
should change their clothing with the
weather.
Wife-Huh! And I haven't but ten
dresses to my name, and only one waiting
maid.
PARTICULARS NEEDED.
fastener Gin far Western store)-Got
any neckties?
Proprietor (mystifed) )-Um -er-what
sort-silk, calico or hemp9 -[Good
News.
''They have one law for the poor and
one for the rich"
ooh, come That's all can't"
"All cant, is it? Show me the time
when Cornelius Vanderbilt or Mr.. Astor
has been sent up for vagrancy."
THE TRUE PHILOSOPHY.
tIives of rich men all remind us
We can make our own sublime"
And by liberal advertising
To the highest summit climb.
Drug, Oil and Paint Reporter.
SLEEP IN THE WOOD.
They sa, ta.t pines conduce to somno-
lie C,
And leave the weary man both span
and spick.
To put tramp to sleep, who gives Of
fence,
There's nothing like solid chestnut
stick. -fEpoch.
THE TABLES TURNED.
Distinguished Guest (at the summer
resort hoter -Garcon, you may hand me
the menu. By the way, your face is
strangely familiar.
Garcon-Possibly. sir Proudly.) l
was a guest of this hotel last year.
Distinguished Guest Indeed. (To
himself) I was waiter Life.
VOICES OF THE NIGHT.
When night has let her curtains down,
with low and plaintive hum
Mosquitoes thirsting for our blood around
our pillows come.
| We watch, we wait with bated breath
while strikes the midnight chime,
And hit our checks q singing slap and
miss 'em every time.
Boston Courier.
HE LOVED PRECISION IN SPEECH.
A citizen who was stopped by tramp
on Michigan avenue the other day re-
piled to his request by saying:
"No, sir-no, sir-not q penny! You
are fraud9'
''In what respectW
"Why, haven't you asked me for
money!"
Certainly, but how does that make
me fraud2"
"Well, then, an impostor."
''But Pm no impostor; simply asked
you for dime. I didn't claim to be
either the Governor of New York or q
tire-sufferer; l made no statement from
which you can argue that l am either a
fraud or an impostor. "
'.Well, have nothing for you.n
"Ah! But that's different. Now you
/ make plain statement of facts, and /
have nothing further to say. can stand
it to be poor, but ambiguity Of language
is something that | never have and never
will accept. Good morning, STRIP De-