Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-18
PITH AND POINT.
| DUELL1sT is not a do-weII-ist.

A DUELLIsT is not q do-well-ist.
A FLIGHT of fancy the golden
stairs.
TIE only money in chickens is what
they swallow.
THE man who has hard work to keep
posted-the book-keeper.
WHEN an author wants to write "spir-
tied" conversations he gets drunk.
MUSTARD out!" as the funny board
er exclaimed when he lifted the cover
and found the dish empty.
WHEN man says he is feeling only
middling 1t IS an indication that he is
having pains in his stomach.
PASTOR with a sigh)-WeI, we'vea all
got to go sooner or later. Layman-
Yes, yes, and the later the better.
No MATTER how plain-Iooking a soda
water clerk may be, IN warm weather
his izz is always attractive to the girls.
"XEs, Miss Frost, always wear
gloves at night; they make ones hands
soft. "Ah! And do you sleep with your
hat on 2"
VERY sick We'll, AIisther NTcPhelim,
b-bad, Denny, b-bad! Unconscious
good dale av the tonne.
Mrs. YoUNGwIFE-D You ever try
any of my biscuits, Judge Power?
Judge Power-NO, L never did; but 1
dare say they deserve it.
"YoU are too hard on Mr.. SkinHint.
You should treat him with more Of the
milk of human kindness. He'd churn
it into butter and sell it if 1 did.
LITTLE Dot-Mamma Mamma
Mamma Gin next roOm)-What? Lit
tie DOt-BIy kittie has caught a mouse,
and she acts hungry. Please come and
cook it for her.
FIRST cIerk-Do you think old Wig
gins viii raise may salary if 1 ask him ?
Second cIerk-If you ask him to-day he
will. "Why to-day - He just got a
divorce from his wife"
SWEET seventeen-No. I don't want
to marry the baron; why, he has red
hair! Stern parent-Yes, but he won't
have it long! Haven't you noticed that
it is beginning to drop off?
SHE Gust gone into housekeeping
How did you like the shirt I ironed for
you, Alfred. Didn't I do it beautifully {?
He-YOu do nothing by halves, my
dear. You did it up brown, Of course.
Mrs. SPRIGGs Why do you leave
those horTid blots in your letter to Mr..
Richman, asking for a business inter
view? Mr.. Spriggs-I want him to
see that I am business man enough to
use a fOuntain-pen.
MISS ANTIQUE-Doy You consider type
writing a good profession for woman
Miss De Pretty "a successful type
writer but type-writing is
very difficult to learn, and to make a
success of it q woman should begin
young.
HE LOVES IT STILL.
She scarce can play a single note,
No harmony knows she,
And though / on the maiden dOte
Her playing crazes me
Yes, makes my blood run very cold;
Yet play the maiden viii,
And that = why Il love the old
Piano sill"
Mrs. TIPTOP-WOn't you sing for us
tonight, Miss Higheff? Miss Higheh
(mOdestly)-Re Mrs. TiptOp, 1 am
so hOarse I could scarcely sing above
whisper. Mrs. TiptOp (effusiyely)-
Oh, we sha'n'b mind that, my dear.
You must sing.
A LITTLE mistake: Editor-See here.
Mr.. Penne, this won't do. I can't ac-
cept a verse rhyming walk" with
"cOrk. Poet-Excuse me, but I have
made a mistake, and handed you the
wrong poem. The one you have there
is intended for a Boston paper.
NEW I0dger Indignantly, to land
lady)-What did you mean by telling
me your children were all grown up?
There's nothing but screaming and
yelling from morning till night Land
lady (mildIy) - Axing your parding,
sir, which my children is all crowd up,
and married, and two of ems Twin IN
the 'Ouse. You didn't say nothin' about
grandchildren.