Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-01-13

Small boy-Ma, pass the bread. Moth
or (sternly)-If what, my son? Small
boy (smartly)-If you can reach it.
Young Mother-Don't you think baby
looks like his father? VisitOr-Ye-es, but
[ wouldn't worry; he may outgrow it.
The name of what character in history
does person mention when asking the
servant to put coal on the fire? Phillip
the Great.
When you see a man who kisses hi~
children in public, you may be pretty
sure that he keeps the seat of their pan
falcons well busted at home.
don't see how Jones has made such a
success, said one of his friend> to anoth-
ell. He never says anything. Maybe
that's the reason, was the reply.
Yabsley-I would rather talk to Il good
sensible Girl any TIM th1n lance. Wick
wire-Wel. why don't v.'u i 20? Yabs-
leY(sorrowmily)-Ih, Y wont liSt"n ~
There is a li2ht a.jditi"ual difference
between hill AMI pill other than the diff
ference Of one letter. The first is hard
to get up AMI Il" second j. hard to get
down.
Impa'i lit guest (at seaside Where
in the word i that waiter? Head Waiter
Was he ~ Sir: Impatient guest-He
may have have been forty-three when
gave him the order, but he's fifty by this
time
Papa cutter the seance in the wood
she'd Do you know that it pains me
more than it does you to have to whip
you? The Terror-No, papa, didn't
know; but now that you have told me l
feel better.
A girl in Smith county, Kansas, won
$50 by husking and crihbing sixty bush
els of corn in five hours. A man in an
adjoining county got six months board
and lodging at the cOunty'S expense by
''cribbing" only one bushel. Another
man husked it.
Careful parent-BefOre | can give con-
sent to your proposed marriage to my
daughter l must know something about
your character. SuitOr-Certainly, sir,
certainly. Here is my bank-book. Care
full parent (after a glance Take her,
my son, and be happy.
The Czar-Great Peter! all is indeed
'o~tOwOsky! Who fired that hOmbovitch?
General, the Count SkIpoff-Peace, sire.
1t was His Imperial Highness the EN-
peror of Germany kissing his Imperial
Hi9hneSs the Emperor of Austria on the
other side of the train.
Young FaStgoe-Yes, like to shake
the dice, 1 tell you. I've seen some pref
ty good throws in my time, too, ever use
them? Old Sedayte-YeS, | made an ex-
ceedingly good throw once, myself |
Young Fastgoe-Indeed, what was it?
Old Sedayte-Threw the dice away.
COnductor-Whatd do you mean, sir, by |
splitting all over that seat? Old Gent |
What do l mean? Why, that there says
not TO spit on the floor an Their winders
is fastened down, an there amt no spit
toons pervided. Where in thunder do |
yer expect Teller TO spit.
Bad boy (getting in a body blow |
There, take that! Good boy folding his |
arms with sanity eXpression)- |
Tommy, l will not hit you back, because |
[ promised mother that 1 wonld never |
strike playmate, but Clicking him in
the stomach) how do you like that?
Have You quarter you can give me,
sir? asked tattered-looking individual |
of citizen. My wife and children have |
had nothing to eat for two days. Oh, |
that won't do, replied the gentleman: / |
gave you so cents yesterday. What did |
you do with that? had to buy meat for
the dog.
Small boy-Say, dad, l wish you'd get
me ii bicycle. Old man-Can't afford it,
my SON. Rent too high, coal too dear
Besides 1 don't want You to break your
neck. Small boy-Well, then, Il tricycle..
Old man-Can't do it. But I'll tell you
what you may have. When winter comes
I'll try and get you nice long icicle.
very handsome young lady, appar-
entity from the country, got into car. A
maSher crossed over from the other side
Of the car and t1king a seat beside her
asked If he had not met her somewhere
before. The Young lady cody looked
him over moment and replied in Il
voice sufficiently loud to be heard by all
the passengers. Il am not sure. but l
think you the man who stole our
spoons. The maSher WAS the centre of
all yes, AMI hastily rung the bell and
left the car.