Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-05-16
LIGHT MOODS.

IAN Olu AAC AA6"0 SN
days.
COURT in banc-sparking q female
teller.
MEN solace themselves with cigars,
but women so lace themselves with cor
sets.
The two great wants of the day-bet-
ter mail service abroad and better
female service at home.
Mrs. JONES says "the latest thing in
gents clothes is her husband;' he is
never home before midnight.
WHEN an Indifferent player joins a
baseball team as q short stop he doesn't
stop long.
TRAMP-What will 1 get if I saw that
wood? Penurious-Youll get treated
according to your work.
"SoME things have gone about as far
as they can CO." says Rev. Sam Jones.
The globe-trotters, for instance.
PH1osopHER-No, sir; Idon't believe
any mar has a double. Matter-of-fact
friend-Nonsense! Weren't you ever be-
side yourself?
WHAT are you working at now?' said
one young man to another. Nothing"
1t strikes me you ought to have that
done by this time"
TRAMP (complainingly)-These sau-
sages + dog-gone tough, madam.
Housewife (grimly)-Yes, we used up
the toughest dog we had to make EN-.
SENs1r1vE-What! You have not
been to see William Tell'?" "No, for
you know they shoot the apple from his
sons head, and the noise Of firing is so
disagreeable to me-"
IRATE customer-Look here, 1 want
my money back. That parrot you sold
me won't talk. Bird dealer-I did the
best 1 could, sir. You insisted on hay
ing a bird that would not swear.
ToMMY-Are all bald-headed men
near-sighted, papa? Papa-I think
not; why do you ask? Tommy-At the
pantomime I never see any bald-headed
men in the back part Of the theater.
FIRST young doctor-How's business?
Second young doctor--Pretty good.
Had two cases yesterday. One was my
own, had a bad cold; and the other was
old Mrs. Crimp, aud she died, unfortu-
nately for me-.
HE-Now that you have made me
the happiest Of mortals, can l kiss you?
She Boston)-Never having any per-
sonal experience Of your osculatory
ability, Mr.. Gesner, L don't know if you
can, but you may try.
you don't have titles in your coun-
try, I believer" said the duke with a
%sneering smile. ooh, yes we do" re-
torted the American. "Your grace, for
instance, in my country would be
known as a born fool"
HELLO, up there!" shouted his wife.
what in the world are you making
such a rumpus about?" "Tm holding
an inquest" An inquest; who's dead?"
Nobody. [ am in quest lof the collar
button that slipped down the back of
my neck"
MAMMA-Papa was provoked last
night at the way you and Charlie were
kissing in the parlor. We could hear
you plainly in Il room. Emma
Why, mamma, Charlie didn't kiss me
once. The noise you heard 1 made
myself. 1 was chewing gum.
WHAT are you getting out now, my
dear?" asked a publisher of his
daughter, who was to be married in
three months. advance sheets, papa"
answered the beautiful girl, as she
looked up sweetly from the pink dove
she was em%broidering on the corner of
some bed linen.
A CONTRADICTION.
By temperance men
Ills often said
The man who drinks
Neer gets ahead.
The man who drinks,
And paints all red
The town, is sure
To get ahead.
BEFORE we take up the collection
this morning." remarked the good pas
tor, as he looked mildly over the CON
gregation, II wish to say that we have
in the church treasury already two
quarts of nickels that appear to have
been punched through and afterwards
plugged with lead. These coins, L am
Informed, will not buy stamps, grocer
les, or fuel, and conductors on street
cars refuse to take them. The choir
will please sing, %, Land of Rest, for
Thee I Sigh"