Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-10-02
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.


in the air, music
Benedict don't sing that. It's
an unpleasant reminder.
"Of what2"
'Of how my -year-old heir howls
when he wakes up at night. y LIZ wrence
American.
WHAT HE WANTED TO DO.
Jolliboy--I wish had 800, 900.
Mrs. Jolliboy-Why, what would you
do?
Jolliboy-Nothing g.--lBazar.
A MAN OF BUSINESS.
Teacher-Willie, can you name the
five senses2
Tommy (from back seaD-I can tell.
Teacher-Well, Tommy, what are
theya
Tommy-A half dime.-[New London
Telegraph.
JUST LIKE HIS IMPERTINENCE.
Old woman presents herself at the
booking office, and asks for third class
ticket.
"Where for?" inquired the clerk.
'"That's my business!" was the reply.
Il [Dictionnaire Universal.
ACCOUNTED FOR.
''How do you like your new minister,
Cora," asked her father.
"Oh, he's just splendid. He draws
twice as large congregations as the Rev.
Mr.. Oldwun, whom he succeeds"
81 suppose he is much more eloquent
and impressive than Mr.. Oldwun."
"N-no. He is rather an ordinary and
tiresome speaker, but he's young, hand
some and unmarried"
ooh, yes, l understand" said her
father. "The increase in the congrega-
tion is made up wholly of young wo-
men. ."-INorristown Herald.
BY FLOOD AND FIELD.
Wings-I had an awful experience
with sharks off the coast of Maine.
Wangs-I had narrow escape from
them in Kansas.
"Kansas2"
"Yes. Real estate sharks. s."-[St. Joseph
News.
JoHNNY's HANDS.
Mother-Johnny, you said you'd been
to Sunday school.
Johnny with far-away look)-Yes m.
Mother-How does it happen that
your hands smell fshy2
JOHNNY carried home tn Sunday
school paper, an'-an' th' outside page
is all about Jonah an tn whale New
York Weekly.
NEARING THE HoMEsTRETCH.
TIa xyoo fol ha, l. o,,o Go. tho @1o
atre and little supper at Delmonico's.
Darling" said he, suddenly, as he
gazed dreamily at the silvery disc over
head, "why am like the moon2"
cit isn't because you're full, is itp
she asked, as she edged away from him
"No," said he, sadly, "I'm on my last
quarter. "-[Our Society Journal.
HE WAS A CLEVER WAITER.
In restaurant. A frightfully bale
customer has just begun his dinner
when he suddenly calls the waiter ant
| points to hair in the soup.
"Where did that come fromw
''It must be monsieur's."
The customer, evidently much flat
tered, replied:
''No doubt, my good fellow, no doubt.
-[Fun.
MADE HIM SICK.
"What's the matter with Jimpson tha
he has taken to his bed2"
ellis wife persisted yesterday in read
ing some old love letters he sent her be-
fore marriage. "-[Epoch.
KIND-HEARTED BRIDGET.
Cooking school Girl-Bridget, what
did you do with that cake / baked yes
terday2 Mr.. Finefcllo is here, and l want
to give him some.
Bridget--Wull, mum, I'll get it fur
ye if ye say so; but sure it isn't me wud
be discooragin' noice young mon like
that.-LNew York Weekly.
THE ONLY KIND OF BEAU SHE HAS.
'I do love archery so well !" exclaimed
Miss Elder, enthusiastically.
eyes" replied Miss Amy; "it gives
you chance to have q bow. VI West
Shore.
WHAT HE MEANT.
"I understood you to say that your
charge for services would be light" com
planned the client when the solicitor
handed him a big bill. "I believe did
say my fee would be nominal" -" was the
lawyers reply, "but-" ooh, see, ,
hastily interrupted the client, "you
meant phenomenal. ~ Chatter.
WHY HE CAME.
Landlady (delightedly) - And DR..
Curenone advised you to come here 2
Yes; I'm under treatment and he
said must avoid overeating"
FATAL OBJECTION.
Uncle Ned-Ive brought YOU a nice
little dog, Johnny, the best one you even
saw.
Johnny-I-don't think I'll like him.
Uncle Ned (astonished) WHATS the
matter
"Thar amt tail enough to tie can
to- Binghamton Republican.
IMPORTANT BUSINESS.
"Cyrus, l want you to go down town
with me. l want to pick out new
necktie for you"
''Have we time enough before the
shops close, EmiIy?" replied the capital
ist, consulting his watch.
eyes, if we hurry. It's only little
after one o'clock"
"All right, my dear. Go and get
ready. I've got to step around the cor
ner and buy railroad. i will be back
in ten minutes. ."-[ Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
MTAtoDy Am