Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1890-09-25
HUMOROUS.


monarch's Coffee" Gazzam-''He want
ed to prepare him for his czar-coffee-gus,
evidently. Judge.
-Mother-"What did you learn at
Sunday-school?" Tommy-'The lesson
was all about mans health" Mother
-''What did it say about it?" Tommy
ut said: Jacobs we'll. Lawrence
American.
Lady Ito Tramp)-"Poor man; sup
pose that in your hard life you meet
with great many stumbling blocks;"
Tramp-'Yes, madam, but the choppiny
blocks are what most dread. BIOS ton
Herald.
The Czar-"Vodsky, what is
thatski?" Vodsky-'That is one of
those Americanovitch slotskimachinis-
kis." The Garland what does the
thingovitch do?" Vodsky-''Y drop
a diamond in the slotovitch and try your
weightski. IN. Y. Sun.
-"Well. of all the ways of maxim a
livin'," said Binks, Il think litera-
ture's about the easiest" THE east.
est?" "Yes. I've watched the fellers
that do it. All mans got to do is to
sit down an slide his pen over the pa
per" Washington Post.
-Dinah-"Wat's de matter dere, hon
eye" Small Daughter dressing for a
party ins Blackville) -"Dere's so many
holes in my shoes dat my new red an
blue stockings shows right froo." Dr.
nah-"Well, go wifout stockings. an de
holes won't show. Good News.
Some scientific men have come to
the conclusion that, the man of the
future will be without hair and without
teeth. That will be the final develop.
ment of the species. Fortunately, we
who are now on the planet will not live
to see that happy time, and we need not
give ourselves much concern about it
London Edition Herald.
NO." said she, FL can only be a
sister to you.'' Every well," said he,
II must be going! had expected diff
ferent answer, but-well, good -night!''
"George," she faltered, as he started
out into the nignt, "George!" "What
is it?" he asked GROSSLY. ''Aren't you
going to kiss your sister good-night?"'
He did not gq.-Lawrence American
-Herbert's father was tanning him
last night, and when he thought the
child was asleep he quietly stopped
In minute or two the boy opened his
eyes and looked at his father. Papa
he said, ''fannin' is somep]in' that
makes you feel warmer when you don't
get any Of it, amt it?" Tie father
started the fan again. Washington
Star.
Deaf and Dumb Beggar-(at unex.
pectedly receiving quarter) -"Oh,
thankee, thankee." Benevolent Passer
-'Eh2 What does this mean, sir? You
can talk" Beggar-(in confusion)
eyes, sir Ye see, sir, I'm only hold.
in this corner for tn poor deaf and
dumb man wot belongs here" Benevo-
lent Observation-Disclosures is hep
Beggar-Gn worse confusion)-"He's-
gone to tn park t. hear de music. IN.
Y. Weekly.
Upon one occasion Mr.. Spurgeon
told his students the following story:
When was in Arran heard of min
lister who preached in certain church.
and at the close of the service was
strongly urged to promise his presence
for a future supply of the pulpiEthe
collection after his sermon having been
unusually large. Dear me-" said the
minister, with becoming pride. what
might your ordinary collection amount
TOP" Last Sunday it was twopence
halfpenny::" What is it to-day, then?'
asked the minister. expecting to hear q
large sum. "Eightpence halfpenny,'
was the reply. ''Woe is NO." moaned
the preacher within himself, 'for gave
the saxpence mYselfl''-Pick-Me.Un.