Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-10-09
JOHNNY REB jokes.
Stories From she Other Side of the late
Ensanc uin ed Chasm.

Once Gen, Hardee came across
stra wGlcr and asked him why he did
not travel faster and keep up with his
commando
The soldier wished to know what in
the deuce he had to do with it?"
Only that l am Gen. Hardee, the
commander of this department" was
the reply.
oh. You wrote book on tactics,
did you9"
Il did said the General.
We'll, said the private. Il have
been taught according to your rules
how to double column at half distance.
Now | wish YOU would tell me how to
double distance on half rations.
Gen. Hardee stuck spurs to his horse
and travelled on.
Early in the war one of the men in
South Carolina brigade was on picket
duty (so-caIled) near Manassas. There
was not Yankee within twenty miles
of us at that time The next day there
was to be an inspection, and our hero
had taken his gun all to pieces and was
rubbing it up so as to make a shine the
next day when inspected. While so
doing Gen. Barham, who was unknown
to the soldier (who was Il new recruit)
rode up. What are YOU doing there?"
said Gen. B. oh, | am a kind of a
sentinel, who are you anyhow?1
"Oh. | am only a kind of a Briga-
dier-GenGral," was the answer
Hold on; wait until | get this
darued old gun together and | will
give you a kind Of Il present, said the
sentinel.
But Gen. Barham did not wait. He
went off and reported the luckless
soldier, who in a short time, found
himself "a kind of a prisoner. in "a
kind of Il guardhouse. and had to do
Il number of extra hours of duty as
"a kind of sentinel.
On one occasion Il man from Georgia
had been very persistent in personal
application to Gen. Lee for a Through.
One morning the General asked his
tormentor if he understood the position
OF Il soldier. The latter said he did
He was ordered to assume it. Gen.
Lee then gave the command, Right
about face; forward march," As he
never gave the command to halt the
Georgian kept on marching until he
got tired; but this little hint cured him,
and his next application was through
the usual channels.
When Gen. Malone was wounded at
Second Manassas, some one, to COM
fort Mrs. Malone, said: Oh, don't be
uneasy. It's only a flesh wound!n
Mrs. Malone, through her tears, cried
out: "Oh, [ know that is impossible;
there is not flesh enough on him for
that"
don't know whether this is a joke
on the General or the private. A
day or so after the old First
reached Manassas junction, in August,
1861, one of the men, who did not
clearly comprehend his position, had
the impudence to ask Gen. Beauregard
''where certain big guns that had just
arrived from Richmond would be
placed" The General replied: Young
man. if the coat on my back knew the
secrets of nv heart [ would cut it in
pieces"
On the Peninsula the gallant and
jolly Gen. Bankhead Magruder had
ordered IL meal for himself and staff.
A hungry reb-and who ever saw one
who was not hungry? up to the
farm house. espied the nicely filed
table and without leave or license.
sat down aud began to annihilate
things. Just then the General and
friends walked in. escorted by the host.
All We're surprised.
HALT said fiery Magruder, in
terms mere explicit than polite, ''do
you know whose table that is you are
eating at?'
No, : r?' said John Reb, with his
mouth lui. Whose is it?'
Gen. MagruderS. sir the COM
mander 0. this department.
''A!l right, General with another
bio mUUthtui. These war times |
ain't particular where / eat or who
eat with; sit down and make Yourself
at home. "-CtttL.taoogt Times.