The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-06-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

small bonnet. Man Milliner-Ah, yes,
madame, but ze price is large.
Life is too short to spend precious
moments raising UP people who would
sooner walk on all fours. Niitcaakee
o}ottraal.
Querist-You say that the man is q
social outlaw Is he tramp? so
cioIogist - No What then?" "a
millionaire!
1t takes staying ont late and an an
CRY wife to make 4 man know how 1t
feels to be the corpse at an inquest
-itchiSon GLOBE.
Its a curious phase of labor troubles
that the walking delegate is the one
that does most of the riding.-N. ].
Commercial.
In this country, where justice is
meted out with an equal hand to all,
even a dead man has his rites. --Btn9-
hanaton Republic.
Smith-What age must a man be to
be president of the United States?
Brown-Thirty-tive Smith Gagged 4O)
That lets me in.
Some speakers prefer to talk in the
open air. 1t is the only way they can
induce people to hear them out
IOHkerS Statesman.
When saloonkeeper improves his
bar it is not for the purpose of let
ting bigger ''schoonerso pass over 1t.
--4tiaRta Journal.
Florist-'And how would this Tyre
suit?n Widow Berry Very well,
VERY well; Dinnis did dabble some in
polyticks. Brooklyn Monthly.
English Gossiper - The prince of
Wales has grown quite deaf. Ameri-
can Ditto-Good thing. But why?"
He can't hear what's said about him" ="
Minerva-''W What would you answer
to the question, Is life worth living?'''
Helen-'.O, / don't know 1t depends
so much on the weather. ."-Lol0eU Cit
izen.
That cigar you smoke has its ad-
vantages." Like it?n mo; that's
just it. A friend doesn't feel hurt if
YOU don't offer him one. Washington
Post.
Mr.. Bashful i do love Boston
bread. you know" Miss Waiting
{seizing her chance)-'.Now, do you
know / am Boston bred. IN. !. Iri-
6u1ae.
Briggs "Tompl>ins is engaged to a
widow, | hear" Braggs Yes; that's
just like him. He is too lazy to do any
of the courting."- Terre Haute Er-
press.
You say you have cotton complete
ly shut of that nuisance, Jones? How
did YOU manage it?n Il loaned him Il
fener' and he is now" "Wat?n
IAN X-friend."
The man who prophesies evil will al
ways have Il sympathetic audience.
The man who prophesies good has
hard work to get a hearing.--S0 -S0mer-
Uitie Journal.
That artistic artist, Crayon Mahi-
stick, has all the elements of genius.
by what signs do you so concluded"
He can see no merit in any ones
work but his own"
Lake-"What did l tell you? The
hustle has gone, and now the corset
has got to go!" Squeers You mis-
take. The corset has got to stayr'-
Dry Goods Chronicle.
Young Minister (to his wife)
you understand my sermon this morn
ing, dear?n Young Wife (wistfully)-
81 tried awfully hard to, Edward. -
Burlington Free Press.
Briggs" Sometimes / wish l could
be hermit and not have to associate
fnlIn,-,,,n, - "
can get practically the same effect by
eating onions. "-Ierrc Haate EGpress.
Miss FuSsanfeather-''A YOU going
to Saratoga next summcr?' Mrs Over
gaiter-'.No, | think | will stay at
home and use ice. 1t will be quite as
expensive, | fauncy. - Ionhers States-
na0za.
Newcomer-Why is it that your
friend has never succeeded in politics?
He's good talker. Practical Poll
tician-That's it, exactly! His voice
and vox populi have been constant
rivals.
What has become of your lady
friend whom | met here a few years
ago?" "Oh, know who you mean.
She-she is very miserable and unhap-
py." '.Ill health?" "No-good health;
she weighs over 200 pounds
Emma-"Were you at the theater the
other night to see the new tragedy?
You ought to see how beautiful the
heroine falls when she faints"' Linda
mo, but | must 90. | had no idea
| could learn anything there or should
have been before. FUegc'ade Blatter.
Have YOU heard about this move
ment to prohibit the sale of liquor in
the District" Yes, | hev," said the
Representative from Squash Hollow.
"What do YOU think the effect would
be if it were passed." well, to my
mind it I'd be mighty sight harder to
git quorum than 1t is now. - Wash
mgt0n Post.
Henrietta-'.W Harry, they can't
blame one of us without blaming the
other. We are in the same boat, YOU
know. Harry-''In the same boat?
Q. yes; perhaps I'd better land YOU"
Henrietta Land me?n Harry
''Yes, on the shores of matrimony.'
Henrietta evidently surprised)-''Good
land."-Boston Transcript.
buutlH5 kto poilctiHdl = uuhcl-
stand you secured the discharge of
Officer O'Brien for sleeping on duty.
That was right" Officer Mulcahy-
"Yis, sorr. Yez see, me an OBrien
had nice corner to 90 to Shape in
livery noight; but OBrien snored thot
LIQUID Oh cuddent shape at all, so Oi
reported him, ''-Hdfper's Bdzar.
Willie Coming home from church,
Papa, they hadn't learned how to
pray very well in Bible times, had
they?" Papa-'I suppose, my son,
people could pray then as well as they
do now Willie positively)- No,
they couldn't. The Lords Prayer is
only minute long and our minister
can pray for a quarter OF an hour. p
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Dolly Feeble-''Aw, what's the mat
tab. me dear fellah? Y appeah awful
ly excited" Gussie Silley - just
pwewented aw fellah from having his