The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-01-29
An appalling situation.


Capt. Collier, a well-kuOwn river man
and coal merchant of Cincinnati, related
a thrilling incident in his career. He and
ex-Sheriif Wallace were neighbors one
summer when the weather and the DEGREES
OF fashion forced everybody, even a coal
merchant and a sheriff, to wear white duck
pants.
Capt. Collier and Mr.. Wallace were oppo-
sites in the matter of PHYSICAL proportions
the captain being a large man, and Mr.
Wallace considerably understood
They had the same washerwoman, and
one Sunday morning she delivered the cap
talns large and cOmmodious duck pants to
Sheriff Wallace and Sheriff Wallace's
meager duck pants to Capt. Collier.
II was always kicking about something
when | had to get ready for church," said
Capt. Collier, land my wife had got so she
paid little attention to me. She had the
children to look after anyhow, and natur-
ally thought / could look after myself But
those cussed pants, they stuck so Internally
that it is no wonder growled at the laun-
dry-woman for shrinking them and offered
to bet that if | ever succeeded in getting
into the things | would never get out again.
My wife did not sympathize with
me, but continued to busy herself
with the children, only adnonish-
ing me, now and then, not to
be the biggest baby of all, but to stir my
ged and sweat and sweat and tugged At
last | got into the COMPOUNDED trousers,
which were 50 tight at every point that
they actually choked me. We were late, of
course, and oil we hus led for church, my
wife looking after the children and leaving
me to take care of myself. We got to
church finally, but | think if we had had
another block to walk would have drop
ped dead with heart failure or something
like hat
Not until | was walking down the aisle
ahead of her did Mrs. Collier take notice
of my style, and then, as she said after
wards, she thought she would sink through
the floor with shame and m modification,
and all on account of those abnormally
tight breaches of mine, the like of which
she believed had never been seen outside of
circus. She got me into our paw and
concealad me from observation as best she
could. She leaned over and asked me, in
PHYS name, where | had got those pants.
had nothing TO conceal IN the matter ard
told her that | had got tn m out of the
bundle that Mrs. Rubadub had brought
homo.
presently Sheriff Wallace and his FAM
lily cameil The sheriff had on a pair of
white duck pants that simply hung on him ;,
and that was all. He had them turned UP
at the bottom and trussed up at the top,
besides being reefed in around the waist.
But if the sheriff had had any eye for the
eternal unti5ness of things, and particularly
trousers, he must have seen that he was
wearing garments that were never made
for him. MIR. Wallace's pew was on the
opposite side of the aisle from mine After
they had been seated few moments | was
considerably embarrassed to see Mrs. Wal
lace looking at my duck pants and then at
her husbands. Then saw my wife look
ing at Mr. Wallace's duck pants and then
at mine. The two women then looked at
each other and laughed. The awful situa-
ton had dawned upon them. and finally it
dawnNi upon Wallace and me- The sermon
Well. | think the minister preached a
powerful sermon on eternal punishment, but
| was not sure of it, and neither was the
sheriff.
"When the sermon was finished l mo-
tiored for Wallace to come over into my
pew, as | wished to confer with him, but he
shook his head He beckoned me to como
into his pew, but l would have suffered
martyrd1m before I would have stirred be-
fore all those people. We sent our families
ont with the rest of the congregation, and
when the church was empty we called the
minister up 10 us and made frank state
mont of the case to him. The preacher
was kind-hoarted man and good chris
tian, and through his loving kindness we
were permitted to glide into his private
roo II and exchange our trousers