The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-07-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

1t frequently turns out that the queen
of diamonds is knave of hearts
ashland Press.
Every dog has his day. The nights,
however, are still reserved for cats
Texas Sytings.
''Who was it said, The pen is might
Ter than the sword'?" 81 don't know.
Hogg or Beacon, guess. IN Y San.
Suspicious people torture themselves
while those they are afraid of are
calmly sleeping. -Milsoaukee Journal.
The world is seldom SO badly fooled
as when it accepts man at his own
estimate of himself. -MltUaukee Jour-
nal.
Cholly Peachblow-"OwiI / say, bah
bah, that razor pulls" Barber (con-
temptuously)-''Pulls whatP"-M T.
San.
No matter how plain-looking drug
clerk may be. in warm weather his fizz
Is always attractive to the girls.-Berk-
shire NesOs.
Swigger = ''Gentlemen's dress re-
mains about the same this year. doesn't
itP" Twigger-'.Mine does. - Czothier
and Fstr'aisher.
A great many men talk of hiding
their talents under bushel who do not
realize that thimble would do just as
well.-AtchiSoas Globe.
A man never realizes what perfect
idiots women are until he hears his
best girl laughing at some other fellows
jokes.-Ierre Hdatte Express.
ko,1 E
considered extremes, but there isn't
much difference between them in a
strawberry box.-Loa0eU Courier.
While one swallow cannot make
summer even the bill of a new spring
bonnet can make it warm enough for
some men.-S. Paul Pioneer Press.
1t is said that Jefferson carried his
simple tastes into official life. Lots of
officeholders do that, but the trouble is
they taste too often.-1eras Sittings.
1t is remarkable how little man
likes work when he does it himself and
how much he likes it when somebody
else is doing it for him Washington
Post.
Mrs. D'Arte-"'The Angelus, see,
has gone to Canada" Grubber =
':AngelusP guess 1 never heard of
him. What bank was he inP"-Bostoa
Transcript.
Snodgrass-'I have Just completed
the greatest invention of the age"
Snively-"What is itp" Snodgrass-
IAN anti-profanity fountain pen."-
BostoniGn.
She-"No. l wouldn't marry you if
you were worth 800, OOO." He =
Under those circumstances, Miss
Homelyrich, 1 don't think would ask
you. ."-BostomtGn
1t would be an awful strain on man
to be polite through all the worriments
of business is he were not consoled by
the prospect of getting even after going
home.-Terre Haute Express.
Miss Giddy-'I have bought such
lovely tablet to hold my paper when 1
write? What do you write on mostly.
Mr.. SpacerP" Spacer = "An empty
stomach. h."-LdUre7ace Anaerican
so you have been wooing Miss Pep
perton againP" said friend to Willie
Washington. yes" "Did she smile
on your suitP" "She did NOAH"
"Ah!'' ''She laughed. ~ Washington
Post
Brown-"You may laugh at Beat
leigh, but he's no fool. He knows his
A B C's.n Fogg-"He may know
them. but all the letters he has had use
for of late years are l o U."-Boston
transcript.
First Tramp-'Jerry, what's your
opinion on de eight-hour movement?"
Second Tramp-'1tsm my honest opinion
dat eight hours movement is heap
too much for one day."-Terre Haute
Express.
Miss F.-"Why, what is the matter
with little Mabel?" Ethel (whose
father has just made his third matri-
monial venture)-"O never mind her.
She always cries that way when papa
gets married. ."-Racket.
Stern Papa-"Ah, goingr' Late Goer
Yes sir. Your daughter and l have
enjoyed feast of reason" Stern Papa
(inoving his right foot with great
velocity)-'.And now you have flow
of sole. ''-Mu'asey's Weekly.
Il am afraid you got cheated when
you bought this place. You'll never
get me to believe your front yard con-
tains an acre" ''Yes it does; 1 meas
ured it." with what?" ''My lawn
mower. "-DetroI Free Press.
Ethel (aged 5, who is being put to
bed, when her mother,in evening toilet,
enters the room) Are you going to
bed, too, mammal" mo, dear; I'm
going to the opera" '.Are you going
to dress after you get there? ?"-HarUaad
Lampoon.
''Now. children" said the good man,
II have told you where the good boys
go and where the bad boys go. Which
would you choosep" please, sir, I'd
rather go to the circus" answered the
little fellow in the back seat.-Phila-
dekphia Times.
Henry, don't understand how it is
that my cigar box gets empty so soon.
You never touch the cigars, of course"
20, sir, you may be quite easy as to
that for l have three boxes still that I
have left over from my last master. =
Fliegessde Btaetter.
Landlord, our house wall
on one side has sprung out about ten
feet" Landlord = make yourself
easy. Although it probably renders
the house that much bigger do not fear;
will not raise the rent on you."-
Philadelphia Times.
Augustus-''Ya-as. me boy, we must
get used to these things from the fair
sex. Woman is riddle, you know.
chappie." Alonzo (who has just been
jilted) d)-''That's all right. m deah fell
lah, but she's riddle we don't want to
give up. you see. America.
Tenant = 1.-The windows in your
house shut so badly that my hair blows
all about my head. You must really
have something done to them" Land
lord-'1 don't see the necessity for
that 1t would be much simpler for
you to have your hair cut. ."-Fliegende
Bl0etter.
you seem to think that because I
am rich there is no need of your work
ing" said Congressman to his son.
"You should profit by the motto,
Learn to labor and to wait" Il have
tried it, father. and I've concluded that
I'd rather do less laboring and more
waiting, if it's just the same to you."-
WnShi110tO7l Post