St. Landry democrat., 1890-03-15
WOMAN.

Woman is the female of man, 81
called because it is woe! man who
fools with her. After man came
woman. Woman is first in al
things, though man was first Great
ed. Woman was made from the
rib of man j. hence we always have
tender feeling for the opposite
sex-in the locality of that borrow
ed rib. Woman was the first fruit
raiser-she raised the forbidden
crab apple to Adams lips. She
likewise raised Cain-and has been
raising it ever since. Woman in
her private state was % naughty
girl, and on too intimate terms OF
friendship with the devil. But one
thing must be said in her favor
she never !Ewore the breeches.1
Neither did she wear six button
kid gloves or French heel shoes.
The s.fall Of man. occurred i'll the
Spring of the year-in green apple
time. This was the turning point
in the history Of the world-and it
has been turning ever since. Ii
Adam hadn't been the weakened
hen pecked husband that he was,
he would have given Eve a new
spring bonnet to crafty her whims
instead of gorging himself with the
forbidden fruit. Then we poor
mortals would not be roaming up
and down the Garth in single bless
edness, seeking some one to sew
our brooches buttons Oh. Woman
is a delusion and q sham--first
cousin to pillow sham; at least
she looks like one after she has
wrapped herself in the habilaments
of her night attire. She is a delu-
sion because, some men run after
her all their lives with as little sue
cess in. catching her as if they were
trying to lasso a. post-mastershlp
under Harrison's administration.
Waman is called a duck, while man
is called n goose. The reason is
obvious-to a blind man. Of all
the dear creatures in the world
woman is the dearest-to dress.
But she is very handy to have
about the house. This world would
be a dreary old waste without wo-
man. In fact, we don't think it
would be much Of a world anyway.
Woman is mystery puzzle that
cannot be solved; but we'll never
give her up. She is never the same
two minutes in her life. To-day she
is all perfection, beauty and lowell
ness, and tomorrow she is all crab
bed and cross, and ugly as a brush
fence. They are the biggest frauds
and humbugs in the world, but God
bless their sweet existence, we men
folks love to be humbugged by
them. We can't help it. The sweet
smiles and winning ways Of lovely
woman are irresistible. They draw
us unconsciously to them and hold
us captive at their own sweet will.
But me THAT is | myself, individ
ualy,) have never been captured by
one, though if NC were ordered to
surrender, we would throw up our
hands without o single shot being
fred The smell of powder knocks
all the sand ont OF our craw. Wo-
man is called a jewel. We don't
own any of the flash ieWel-ry called
u woman, neither are we bossed by
one Our relationship to her is
very close, however. Our mother
was q woman. We once had a
sweetheart who was q woman but /
we never could persuade her to be
come q married one. Woman is the /
author Of more that is. good and
holy than all the men that were
ever hung. But at The same time
she is the cause Of one-half the
murders and suicides that occur all
over the country. And i'll all sean
ials, divorce cases and love affairs,
there is almost always Il woman
connected with it. But we suppose
5he poor creatures are not RESPONSE
lie for that. With all this, to the
sternas honor Of woman be it said,
she is the first in all good Work-of
iongue. She is also tile first to bed,
irst to rise, and first in the pockets
If her husband; and there we'll
cave her. She won't be able to do
he old fellow any damage--if he
happens to be an editor.-X.
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