The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-05-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

If a girl knows she is pretty IL is not
because amy other girl told her So
-dtchfson Globe.
The rejected suitor probably con-
siders his girl notify but nice Btng-
haDlpt0a Ledticr.
An official organ is one that has nm
authorized crank To turn it.4-NeU
Orleans PicaguHe.
Gentlemen who wind their watches
at night are apt TO wind them up tight.
boston Transcript.
When Il man Is under cloud the sill
yer lining is generally on the other
side. Philadelphia Press.
From the fruit preserver we get our
jams and from the distiller our jim
jams. Boston courier.
Ardent Suitor-'.Do You love me,
darlingP" Modern girl-.'I don't know.
How much are you worth s'-SoDaer-
Ciiie journal.
Tomlet-I see that they are making
cloth out OF glass.' Bobet-''For
opera dresses aud the ballet, imagine.
IN. J. Herald.
Teacher Tommy. how is the earth
divided?" Tommy. Between them
that's got il and them that wants it,
Ierre Haute E1prcSs.
A squeeze in the stock market may
be bear hug or it may be the result
of getting eniapgled in bull rushes. -
Biiighamt3H Republican.
at seems impossible To get away
from them. said Wall street snfTerer
who saw shark while sojourning in
Florida. = Washington Post.
she-.I hear poor Charley Good
+ enough mas shot himself. Did lie lose
his money! He M. He married
woman with a missiol. life.
Duke-"Be mine. Miriam | lay all
my titles at thy feet Miriam --'Go
slow. Duke. don't care for titles.
Let's see your deeds. ~ ]. Sun.
Ted-..Why don't yon take your girl
skatingsr Ned She doesn't know
how Ted-Lucky fellowi That's
where all the fun comes iH."-Lge-
..who shall set limit to the infu-
ence OF q human being!" queries the
philosopher. The hnniIn beings office
boy, of course Sonleroitte JOurrsHt.
Brown-.-Why do they call Prof.
Quay the electric pianist?n smith
+ -, / suppose hecause he has such
shocking execution. '-Ronle Sentinel.
An exchange states: "A late census
OF France embraced $1,000 600 womeu
all told Of course they did; women
never could keep secret fafbidct-
tjhta Press.
There nothing very doleful about
il; still when maiden has sifted n kiss
through an incipirnt m,is.ache she is
apt to yet down ia the mouth.>'-F FIiitd-
delIihid Press.
DO you want the earth?'' inquired
the naughty hotel clerk # a meekly com.
planning guest No. was the reply
'.yuu can keep it awhile longer till
ask you for il. - IFGsttngtoH Post.
Ten dollars for that parrot? Why.
it's simply monstrouSi' But. sir.
please to observe that he speaks two
iaugua@es. What are they?H WHY.
English and-his native tongue. -
Judge.
He (at midnight) Funny custom
the Chinese have The hostess i ex.
pected to notify the caller when it i
time to "a" She (with a sigl) -But
we are in ArAerica. YOU know. .'-Ie, =,
Haute EypreSS.
MIR. Awger Cooking over editors
shoulder as H. clips ar article from an
exchange) -'.Does that require muct
intellect2n Etiitor-.None whatever
why. / believe even YOU could DO it,
AitaSey's Ii'eekfy.
Turuer-.+That Sampson is mean
man-" Drawly--'IaWs. bv Jove
he said the othaw night that | wemind
ed him of Bawnum's What-Is It," ''But
l will say of him he's rs honest as tbs
day is long. Time.
A woman writer SAYS: ..Womer
want comfort And Yet. offer
woman The choice between ton o
coal and a pair of French heel shoe:
aud which do You suppose she viii
take?-Is5ds Stftilgs.
Trovers (in hat store)-..I wish vou
would charge ne for this hat. Clerk
''But we don't know you. SIR Trover:
That's all the more reason. then. why
you should be willing to charge it. y
Ciothier and FUrRisher.
Hello. Biggs where yer going 5,
early with that big market basket?'
lon a post-prandial excursion, old
man." '-On a what?' 'Post-pranhia
excursion; going after dinner, you
know. n-BoSt0R Transcript.
Judge Blank is quite book col
lector. YOU know" ..Nell, what of il p
ale fodnd tattered copy of a rar,
book the other day and the first thins
he did was to have it bound over Il
! keep the pieces. ~. !. Heruid.
II see.',' said Mrs. Henpeck. .that tn,
new Brazilian Government has estab
lished civil marriages" well. | wiSl
you'd 90 down there and learn some
thing about them. I'm getting mighty
tired of this uncivil affair of ours. ~
u. San.
30, DOCTOR exclaimed the weeping
wife, must YOU give my husband up
Can't you do something more for him
doctor. before you go?" Yes
madam. said the doctor. grimly, :.
can make out my bill. SOnierUiH
Journal.
"You have read 'Fiust' in the origin
al. | presume, Mr.. Very ybright?' sh,
said, while the other folks at table wer,
discussing German literature. mo.
haven't. " lie replied. "but Eve reaC
Goethe. though. Have you ever reat
himP"-M. y. Sun
Cierks-"You know old Sample. the
biggest liar in the Northwest? Well
he's going into business" Bierks-
whats he going into?" Cjerks-"H
hasn't made up his mind whether to b,
weather prophet or crop statisti
clan. Minneapolis Journal.
Mr.. Bluepill-"I am in favor of an,
movement that will shorten the hour
of labor. ] think no man should b,
compelled to work more than eighteer
hours Il day." Labor Agitator4..Y OF
mean eight hours?'' No. 1 meaI
eighteen. am drug clerk. Time
Tommv-"Paw, why do they alwayl