Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-04
HUmOR

LHE after-clap-An encore.
SPEAKING about circular letters.
o is one.
AauLK shake-d ischarging the driver
Of a wagon.
I CAN'T see what you are driving
at, was the remark of a blind horse.
TINS is a hard set, " as the hen said
when she was trying to hatch porce-
lain egg.
FIRST fisherman - What luck?
Second fsherman-None at all; can't
get the cork out.
WmL-DOn't you think Miss Plain
homely? Bill used to think SO be-
fore 1 learned she was an heiress.
WELL, Tommy, do you know that
you have got another little brother this
morning ?" ooh! hayeI! Does mother
know 2"
LNGs-WeII, my boy, are Won
satisfied with married life? Benedict
Satisfied? Why, I am perfectly
satiated with 1t.
WHAT shall we do to get our young
men to the front ?" asks a writer. The
answer seems plain: Induce the older
ones to take back seats.
SHE-I do believe Grace Thorndike
gets engaged to as many as twenty fell
lows every summer. He-Aha! A kind
of three days grace, as it were.
AN old sailor at the navy yard OBJ
served that there Is one ADVANTAGE in
Arctic eXpIOra tions. In the face Of the
grayest perils one can always keep
cool.
A MATTER of paste-@Ye see NIissus
StOOkey's d'mOnds yit ?" Eyes; but I
b'ieves dey's paste" 81 shouldn't
wOndah. Her mans q bilIposter, any
how, ye know"
MINISTER would not consult Elder
Close on the subject. He never. gives
assent to anything. Deacon-NO. I've
noticed that when the collection plate
is passed around.
WHAT'S the reason, doctah, that YOU
signs yourself Jawge Washington
Jones, p. D, OF" Dose we're Iettahs
my title. I amt no simple NJ. D. Use
a Pill Doctor Of Quinine in de swamps."
CRCUMsTANTIAL evidence-Mrs. Yer
ger (tO colOred servant)-DO you know
when Col. Yerger came home last
night? SAM dunno, mum, but when
tuck his boots at z o'clock, they
was warm.
JOHNNY, johnny" said the minis
ter, as he met an urchin one Sunday
afternoon carrying a string of fish do
those belong to you ?" "Ye-yes, sir,
you see that's what they got for chas-
ing worms on Sunday"
SHE-Oh, just look at that bonnet,
Clarence! buy it for me, there's
a dear. It's the dearest little thing in
the world. He-One moment. Does
the superIatiye adjective refer to the
price, or to the bonnet?
"JoHN," said Mrs. BilIus, anxiously,
"yOu whipped Willie too hard. His
spirit is utterly broken. What makes
you think SOP" inquired Mr. BilIus.
"He asked me a little while ago if I
didn't want to cut his hair"
Mrs. MERRITT-I hear your daughter
lost her place as typewriter. Did she
make some mistake? Mrs. Badger
Yes, she fell in love with one of the
clerks before she had given her en-
plOyer time enough to take a liking to
her.
A COMPROMISE.
och 42 E ,7 e.Reil7y says PqtEiek 50 glyIy
4ersen IN that station wud be my salvation
Ye'd let into heavin the Hkin's Of me-
~No, Patrick don't datter yourself on that
Says Father O'Reiny, Al know ye toe well,
w 4O4 yer COLlSOi4LtI q DeBL Dc cCuIECllIl'
The gates Of the diVil, TO bar ye from hell"
Mr.. GorHAM-It is time for us to
start for Mrs. De Avenoo's-but, ahemi
Don't you think you ought to spruce
up a little? Col. Kaintuck (of Louis
vIle)-Ohi ahi Yes, certainly. Just
wait moment, until I take a fresh
quid and reverse my cuffs.
PROGRESSIVE conversation parties
have been introduced as a new form Of
amusement. A progressive CONVEX
satiOn party takes place when three
young ladies meet for the first time In
three days; and when a man finds that
his wife has used his razor to open a
fruit can, he's that kind of a party
all by himself.
WHIFFERs-Ah! How do you do?
Well, out with it, old man. What sue
cess? You said you were going back
to your native town to hunt mp your
first love, from whom you parted years
agO-the airy, fairy Lillian you raved
about, you know. Did you find her?
Differs (sadly)-Y-e-s. She's drawing
$50 a week as the champion fat woman
Of a dime museum.