Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1890-11-15

| "SEND this car to the repair shop,
ordered the inspector. -,
eyes, sir What is wrong? '
II notice that two of the windows
| open easily Have them attended to. -"
| -New York San.
TRAvERs-"Y have actually sent a
bill with my clothes. What insult
| What infamy -
Tavlor-"It was all our new book
keepers fault, sir He got you mixed
up with those who pay. Ctoth'er ana
| Ft1rpisher.
! DISTRESSED young mother, travelling
with weeping Dear, dear, L
don't know what to do with this baby ~
Kind and thoughtful bachelor in next
| seat Madam, shall | open the window
| for you ?"-BOston Courier.
ExAcrLY.-"The very sight of those
picturesque bills is Intoxicating,
fright you are, my friend; they are all
covered with grapevines. - Fhegende
| BIatter.
WHAT with the discovery of pearls in
| Wisconsn's clammeries, and now OF
opals in Idaho's volcanic rocks, the era
Of prosperity seems to be full jeWeled.
| PHILADELPHIA Record.
STABLE TALK.-First Car Horse-"Say,
Tenny, do you ever see your Old boss
now -days?'
Second Car Horse-"Y les, ran across
him Yesterday ."-Brooktyn Life.
This is dollar store, isn't it?" asked
| Gargoyle, as he presented himself.
"No, SIR replied the teller severely,
''this is bank" 'Well, what's the
difference ?"-New York Racket.
Hosr-"Great Scott There are thir-
teen at the table - Surely
you're not so superstitious as all that?''
''No, but there's only food enough for
twelve "-B0ston Tr0re(eJ.
Miss HYsEE-"I was encored three
times, wasn't I"'
Mine. Logee Eyes; the company
seemed to recognize that you needed
practice. "-Ihe NeW Moon.
CLEARS live mostly on plants and
fruits,' remarked the teacher "In
New York they live on lambs" inter-
rupted Tommy, who reads the neWspa-
pers-Sprinqfeld Graphic.
Book AGENT Ito Editor)-"Can [ sell
you our new book, Thoughts on the
| Hereafter
Editor-"No use for it; my desk is
jam up to the steam heater. "-AIonta
| Constitution.
| THERE is a concert of action as be-
tween the man who eats rapidly, the
man who refuses to support his party's
candidate, and the man who escapes
from prison; they all bolt.-Binghamton
Leader.
"ANswER me. Clara" he said in mo-
ment of passion; 81 can bear this sus-
pense no longer" "Answer him,
Clara" echoed the ola man in the hall,
thinking of the gas and coal bills; II
can bear this expense no longer. "--Bos-
tom Herald.
LIEUTENANT (seeking shelter for his
mem .-"Into the vines March !"
| Pardon me for correcting you, Lieu
tenant, but those are beans - "Out of
the vines Into the beans! March !"-
FHege,ade Bl@tter.
CUsroMER-"Oi wan tn see some
fur Gloves
Dealer-"Any special fur"
Customer-"Sor?"
Dealer-"What fur?"
Customer-'"Tu kape me hands warm,
o. course. "-Brookly,o Life.
A LADY called at one of our banks and
presented check which she wished
cashed. AS she was a perfect stranger
to the paying teller he said very polite
ly: Madam, you will have to bring
some one to introduce you before we
can cash this check" Drawing herself
up quite haughtily, she said freezingly:
"But | do not wish to know you, sir !"
Richmond Journal.
INDEPENDENT VorER-"Wen, how is
the campaign progressing"
Practical Politician-"Fa vorably. I
think. We intend to bring this reign of
fraud and corruption to an end. Our
committee has obtained fund of S25,-
900 to be circulated among the doubtful
voters election day. This certainly
must be government Of the people,"
EPOCH.
AN Orwell citizen claims to have pota-
toes over foot in length. That man
has the material in him, which, if prop
erly cultivated, would make him thor
oughly competent to take full charge of
the circulation affidavit department of
metropolitan daily Beacon.
WIFE-"Have you been to see the
doctor about that pain in your head ?"
Husband-"Yes; [ had a talk with
him this morning. He said that | must
not take any alcoholic stimulants."
''How about whisky?''
81 was afraid to ask him, for l dare
say he would have shut down on that,
too. "-Teras Siftings.
A SINGLE hair can be stretched one
third its entire length. When man
appears with blonde hair on his shout
der, and is met by his brunette wife, the
hair seems to be twenty miles long
Boston Trdueller
A-"Bullion thinks a good deal of
his home and grounds, and is fond of