The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-03
BLUEBLAZES OF SAHARA
zoR WINDS OF ADVERSELY TO
FAN a BLIsTERING BROW.


Erie,,ditv Would be Desirable
coy Pat DOMAIN in Washington, Critic
Tba-s-vv, vhewl Blue blazes OF the
great Sahara; Nebuchadnezzar merry sAl-
let: Shadracb. Meshach and Aoe1heso,
flaming birthstone showers OF Sodon anu
Gomorrah: Vesuvius, lEtna, Stromboh ana
Popocatapeti; bubbling wirch-caldrons anu
,rasna-eted bald-hornets' nests; smoking,
sizzling. scorchiug home OF the great patron
ssinc of most of American statesmen aad
ACCOMMODATIONS hot it Isl unless the
people speedily begia to send better men TO
municipal. state aud national legislatures,
il will soon be dog days all the year IN TINS
country Hot, So hot that my blood
hollis within me till my hat dances on my
Road ike an Infatuated tea-kettle lid. l can
hear nv soul sloshing around Ike Tea
cupful of scalding grease every time move
q for a chunk of the worlds cold charl-
ties TO slip into my seething bosom before
my gizzard is totally cooked. y, LOT tne
bleak winds of adversely to fan my blister
ing brow And oh, for chance to dlp my
tongue of parched and cracking leather
into the dark chill waters OF the dreaded
,Iordon o. for the frost of years and the
SHOWS of old age. ., for the touch OF an
icy hand, or the freezing glance, OF
naughty damsers eye. U, Tor hover
erar'ien Of polar bears and sunless
grove of Alaska icebergs. oh, for cave
in Kamschatka. 160-acre homestead of
Spitzbergen frigidity, an iclcle-gemmed
orotto in the basement story OF the aurora
borealis. Oh, for blue nose and pair OF
frcst-bitten heels. Oh, for anything cool
and cooling, from a mint julip or teeth
rafting teruan ague 70 cup OIL coIH on poiSon
or a section of a japanese frozen hell.
Hot Talk of Indian widows consumed
on their husbands funeral piles, instead of
drawing their $40, 900 life insurance policies
and marrying other fellows in six months.
as they do III more enlightened lands. Talk
of bapless heather babes devoured by Mo-
loch's horrid flames, instead Of being reared
to sport scanty side whiskers, eyeglasses,
bob-tailed coats and crape-banded plug
hats, paniers patent infiaUable gunJun-
rubber bustles, dyed hemp chignons, Gre
clan bend heels and Gainsborough hats, as in
christian realms Talk of missionaries, ten
der and toothsome, barbecued by the dusky
descendants of the Queen of Sheba on the
banks of the gently rolling LaInbesl or the
sportive Niger. Talk of Nero illuminat-
ing Rome with Standard Oil Company
kerosene-soaked- Esiscopalians. Talk of
pagan hecatombS and holocausts. But,
psh-sh sh-shew! They all dwindle into the
little end of nothing, whitfield down and
polished off with pulverized rotten stone
Americans--in the last quarter of the nine
teenth century, amid all the blaze of gospel
light and liberty and the glare of anarch-
istic bombs, 100000 of men, women
children, politicians, dudes and other
dime museum freaks, ara being
slowly but surely roasted, boiled.
stewed. fried, fricaseed and dshed
up in all the other styles of sinner-cookery
known to culinary orthodoxy. From Maine,
the home of The Tattooed Man." to Cali
fornia, and from Michigan to Mexico, the
whole continent is one vast sizzling, red-hot
bake-oven, with a sky of glowing brass for
a lid, and every brick and cobble-stone a
cleaning coal Simmer! sizz-zz-zz! roll
Pitch bubble-uble-uule Whizz-hiss-ss-ss
Hist Hearlt A whole mighty nation, with
a big, big n lin spite of the Grand Army
cranks, bourbon irreconcillables and i'm
ported miscreauts,) cooking, cook, cook,
cooking at once.
Hot! Purgatory would not be much
change of climate, even without Bob Inger-
soils little blasphemous squirtgun. Every
Their mometer from Cape Cod to Corpus
Christi has kicked the top out, aud boiled
over like the Arkansaw doctors patient
who took twelve white and twelve blue
seidlitz powders separately. Fat old ladies
are daily dipped up in ladies' on all our city
thoroughfares, and born away in tubs to
adjacent ice cream saloons, to be remodeled
the streets, filled with rancid grease, and a
broad-brimmed hat resting on the straps:
the owner having Just thawed away, melted
down, till nothing more was left of him. All
the wax figures in our museum cham
bers of horrors have run together, SO that
George Washington is ''stuck on" Nina Van
ZaDdt and Napoleon Bonaparte, Yelling
ton and Adelina Patti mingle in an omelet
of many-colored beeswax. Bright eyes
sparkle like flashing horseshoes on a village
blacksmith's anvil. Heaping Goals of fire
on your enemy's head is the easiest COM
mand in all scripture to obey. All the pop
corn patches in Illinois have popped instead
of sprouting, and the hills are full of red
white-and-blue popcorn balls ready for the
next circus season. Fishermen in all the
lakes about Oconomowoc, at Chautauqua
aid Creve Coeur are catching boiled trout
and pickerel with Chill sauce.
The tinkle of brooklets the gentle MUIR
muir OF cascades, is dried before it gets
twenty feet from the banks into the rattle
or not pebbles or the harsh chatter of hurt
ling buckshot. The soft-breathiug notes of
the serenading lovers tuneful larvnx and
harmonious feline intestines are parched
before they reach his white-robed IDOLS
second-Story window in the dry. dead
cackle of a singed buffalo hide or q burnt
shoe SOLE The very milk of human kind
ness" has evaporated beneath the solar tor
ANiOJs H.iO ioAO uOtuluR DuC little
dusty chalk and indigo. Rivers
creeks, horse-ponds, lakes and duck.
puddles in many regions have vamoosed
like bank cashiers or aldermanic
boodlers, and naught but struggling daub.
OF slime remain to tell one where they were.
catfish, eels and tadpoles are running all
over the country with tin cups in their
mouths, asking everybody they meet t.
give them a drink Of water. Baptist re-
VlvaiS are brought to standstlll. Noah's
freshe5 would hardly moisten the truck
patches Of Zion. All creation is scorched
and athlrst. Chandeliers matin HYMN
SOUNDS like 1t were piped through the thigh.
Done OF a 5000 years-shriveled mummy of
tne Pharaohs, and the tiuttering of bis
wings resembles the cashing together of
charred saddle flaps. Even Ret Clarkson;s
watery yawps for Blaine over in Iowa have
ios5 their Juiciness and grown hoarse and
husky as the rasping of donkey's hoot
with rusty file.
Reader friend, if it is so hot in this baan-
titul world of lakes, rivers and cascades ~
cloud-wreathed peaks and misty wales of
oceans, rlvulets, rills, soda pop and pin
nzzes, TANK what it must be in tnat devils
and politicians realm, where the roasted
mllllonairey Incarnation of selfishness AND
greed oegs through all eternity's countless
ages Tor one drop of water from a dog.
ilched oeggar'S finger tip! Think of il and