The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-04-05
FUN AT THE ALTAR.
How Hymen Sometimes Makes
Sport of His Votaries.
Ludicrous Mistakes and Awkward Blum.
ders in the Performance of the
Marriage Ceremony - Amusing
Stories Told by Clergymen-
Their Fees.

One Sunday afternoon in midwinter
said Boston pastor to the writer, two
sleighs drove to my door in a snow
storm and two couples" came in, stamp
ing off the snow. After the ceremony
asked the young man who had ''stood
up" with the bridegroom to come up te
my study to sign the certificate as wit
ness. With an eye to future opportuni.
ties / said to him as l was writing
"Well, sir, l suppose your turn will
come next" "Well," he replied, 81
supposed this one was going to be mine.
had been keeping company with her.
But to-day she paired off with the other
fellow, and / didn't know what they
stopped here for till we got in the house.
1expected to marry her myself" ''Well, u
said l. "as he wrote his name to the GER
tificate of his girls marriage to another
man, 'you had good grit to stand up there
with them" Eyes, it rather took me
back; but perhaps her sister, the girl
who stood up with me, is just as good.
shan't cry about it," he said, as he tried
to swallow the evident lump in his
throat and went downstairs to meet the
Another Boston clergyman tells the
following story; ga friend of mine was
seated in his study one day when hack
drove up in which a couple were seated
dressed in the latest style-and appar-
entity in good circumstances OF course
the minister expected good square fee.
After the ceremony was over the couple
took their departure, but the groom did
not forget to hand the parson the custo-
mary envelope. When the party had
driven away the minister or his wife
opened the envelope, expecting, of
course, to find a generous fee. They
were just little disappointed and an
gered to find simply a piece of paper
with this writing on IL: "We request
your prayers"
A Boston minister who has now gone
abroad, told the writer that couple
once came to his house to be married
and had no marriage license. The
groom said to the bride: so, yes, / gave
you the license just before we Started" :"
The lady admitted this, and said it was
in her cloak pocket. Search was made,
but no license could be found. The
groom reprimanded her and more search
was made, but no license was forth
coming. Then followed sharper rep
rimand and further search, but no paper
was revealed. The groom raved, de-
clared the bride to be "eXasperatingly
careless" and wondered "why in thun-
der she could not take care of the pa
per-" Then the lady wept. The groom
assured the minister sit was all right"
and that he should marry them without
permit. The minister remained firm,
and the couple departed, the groom
swearing and the bride weeping. The
clergyman said he hoped the lady would
back out before new permit was Sc
cured, and vowed that $1,000 would not
induce him to marry the man.
A South Boston pastor narrated the
following incident which came under
his observation in st. John, N. b.: Two
people in middle life sought out an aged
and well-known clergyman to tie the
connubial knot. His advanced years
had brought him a treacherous memory,
and, with this uncertain quantity to deA
with, he began the ceremony. There
were luckily no witnesses to the anus
ing scene but the clergyman's daughter
in-law and grandson. The preliminaries
over, the ring was asked for. The
groom was exceedingly nervous and
could not find It, He searched in all
his pockets, shook his sleeve, ran his
hand down the side of his right leg in
fear of a hole in his pantaloons pocket,
felt OF his sock, and repeated the pro-
cess, increasing in nervousness as he
certainly did in bushes and awkward
ness. Finally, the old gentleman sat
down, while both witnesses assisted the
partially married couple to find the
missing symbol of their union. Down
on their knees they got, and turned up
the corner of the rug, and peered under
the sofa, and altogether made most
ludicrous sight Meantime the clergy
mans mnemonic faculty failed him. He
forgot where he was, and could not be
made to understand the mission of the
strange lady and gentleman. 1t ought
to be added that he was also
very deaf Fearing complications, his
daughter-in-law sent the grandson for
the regular minister of the parish. At
last the ring was found in an obscure
corner, whittier 1t had rolled, and the
parties to the suspended contract tried
circumstances. The ministerial gentle
man walked out of his reverie, and said
to the lady of the house: "Who is this
coupler The answer was almost a
shout, after which he subsidized mo-
ment, and then continued: "How long
have you been married?" They really
didn't know how much they were mar
ried, but stammered out reply that
was completely lost on him, for, in
minute or 80 more, he capped the con-
versation by inquiring: "How many
children have you got?' This was too
much, and would have convulsed the
suffering victims had not the regular min
lister arrived and completed the service.
The largest fee ever received, said
North End clergyman, was twenty dol
lars for attending marriage at three a.
M, and driving six miles into the bar
gain. The smallest was nothing-but
abuse for suggesting the possibility Of
forgetfulness. One thatis unpaid is the