davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
ACHANCE FOR A LAUGH.

The death-roli-a soda DISQUALIFICATION
Traveller.
Goodword was so worried by his wife's
parrot that he has taught him to whisper-Eeao
York World
A lady called at one of our banks and
presented a check which she wished casned. As
she was perfect stranger to the paying teller he
said very politely: ''Madam, you will have to
bring someone to introduce you before we can
cash this check"
Drawing herself up quite haughtily, she said
freczlngy: ''But do not wish to know you STRIP
-Richmond Dispatch.
Someone asked an old lady about a SER
mon:
''Could you remember it?''
''Remember it? No: the minister couldn't re-
member it himself. He had to have it written
down. ''-Ram's Horn.
Sunday Tea-time.-Mother Cooking at
Johnny yreproachfully)-Where have you been,
johnny, this afternoon?
Johnny (uneasily)-Sunday school.
Mother-Why do you smell of fish, and look 50
wet?
johnny desperately Teacher told us the story
OF Jonah ana the whale.
And then Johnny the hero of Johnny and
the wales. .''-PhitddeLphtd Record.
Tramp-Why don't you pass yourself as
an exile from France?
Darky Vagrant-Dat's good; but, 'fo' de Lawd.
don't got de face ter do it.-Nsso York Morning
Journal
'Miss Henderson laughs Just like a
man.
TOO bad. 1 hate a woman who is guilty
of manslauRhter.' '-Nelo York San.
Miss de Muir-How charming YOU look
to-day
Miss de Meanor (slightly dyspeptIc)-I regret
that cannot say as much for you.
Miss de Muir (sweetlyJ yJ-You could, dear II you
were rs ACCOMPLISHED liar as l am,-Puck
Young man, you must take more pains
with your writing"
The youth looked up and replied: '''Tain't my
fault; it's the pen.f'
Then get a new pen, - replied the teacher,
sharply.
THAT won't do any good 4" the boy made sR-
swer, for the electricity in the street throws
all the temper out Of the pen.''
ut would be good thing II it had a similar ef.
feet on the children, said the teacher sotto
Albany Journal
Charlie. dear, what is monopoly?" she
asked. looking up tenderIy. she rested suhns-
sively In his arms with her dainty head nestled
against his collar.
''Well, - replied Charlie. manfully struggling
to bring his mind to cope with abstruse su5iects,
and failing altogether to get beyond concrete
facts. 81 sincerely hope that this is. 'i-S0mervtt
journal. =
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
TO DRESS WELL PAYS.

The Impulses That Influence Dress in the
Orient and Occident.
From the November Arena
In the Orient men conceal wealth and display
poverty; in the Occident men conceal poverty
and display wealth. Sham-poyerty and sham.
wealth characterize East and West.
Hence Western cities have often more
poverty than appears. In Constantinople, beg.
gars will dress in rags and live in luxury; in
Boston, poor men live in want and dress in
finery. And do not blame too quickly, o gen.
tie Pharisee. The Eastern beggar dresses in
rags because it pays; our Western poor dress
well for the same reason. Especially for our
unemployed it is necessary TO be well dressed.
Who will employ tramp in rags? Beside the
shop girl dressed in tpery, what chance has the
shop girl poorly dressed? Beauty has value.
Pretty shop girls pay.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
The Longest Passage on Record.

From the San Francisco Call.
The British ship Hospodar, Captain Thom-
ason. arrived in port last evening after pass
age of 474 days from London, England, via Rio
Janeiro l9l days and Valparaiso 60 days. The
passage of the Hospodar Is the longest one
ever made by vessel between the two ports.
She left London on June %, 1883, and on De-
cember q was reported at Rio Janeiro with
rigging damaged and the captain sick. On
December 80 word was received that the vessel
had Deen dismasted. The captain went home
and the mate Thonason, took command. New
rigging was sent out from England, and after
refttng the Hospodar sailed on March Is for
this port. On August she put into Valparaiso
and sailed again on the same day. Captain
Thomason states that he does not know ex.
actly where the vessel was when she was dis
masted, as the captain took her logbook home
with him. He says that he put into Valpa-
raiso, being short of provisions
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
A HARD WINTER COMING.
Connecticut Naturalist Gives Some Quaint
Reasons for His Predictions.

Connecticut Naturalist Gives Some Quaint
Reasons for His Predictions.
ANsoNIA. CONN, October 26-It is going to
be hard winter. Horace johnson. of Middle
Haddam. Conn.,, who predicted the great blizzard
and has been on the top shelf in the estimation
of Connecticut people ever since. says so. He
bases his prediction. on the phenomenally large
hay crop and the hard, thick shells of crabs.
He finds further verification of the signs in the
two-story muslrat houses with base burners
on the top floor and coal in the cellar. Then
he examines the corn husks and finds fieecy
sort of wool on the inside.
A friend brought him a squirrel the other
day. and he says the fur is triple extra thick
and very fine. 'Coons are fatter than usual,
and this is a sign that they are preparing for a
long siege. Mr.. johnson paid man so cents to
dig out woodchuck, and more signs were
found in the bottom of the burrow. A plush
cloak hung on a projecting stone. and it has
been Mr.. Johnson's experience that wood
chucks never purchase plush cloaks unless the
weather is going to be unusually cold.
Pumpkin rinds are of the thickest this fall.
He has not yet had goose's bone to study, but
he is willing to stake his reputation as the
Virgins of Connecticut that it will indorse all
he claims for the winter.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
Too Much of 1t.

Too Much of It
You get weary of thinking and tired of re-
membering. 1t is like trying to read
Macaulay's History Of England, all the six
volumes Of it. in six hours
The first time saw Westminster Abbey was
on Sunday. and sat in the north transept.
where ! could look over into the poets
corner" 1t is peculiarity of the abbey that
the transepts, instead of being between the
choir and the nave, are between the choir and
the chancel. So that. as nearly all the services
are held in the chancel and she choir, the con-
gregaton is in between the m1nistering clergy
and the singers. sitting sideways, looking into
one another's faces.
could see the bust of Longfellow from where
sat-a pleasant sight. And beyond were the
memorials Of Shakespeare and Milton. Spencer
and Chaucer are buried here. Dickens
and Thackeray lie beneath this pave
ment. You go out through the long
choir into the nave. Here lie Livingstone
and Darwin and Herschel. those eminent ex-
plorers, and jeremiah HorrOck, the astronomer,
who not even for transit of Venus would
neglect his prayers; and William Wilberforce
and Isaac Newton, and hundred other cap
fains in the army of truth and righteousness;
In the corner which they callsthe Little Poets
Corner" Wordsworth is commemorated and
keble, and Kingley, and Maurice, and Herbert
and Cowper.
The names suggest the great principle which
the tombs of the abbey teach most eonspicu-
ously-that all truth and all goodness have
their place in the Christian religion. Between
Herbert and Cowper what difference! and be-
tween Keble and Darwin! And yet here they
are, and the abbey-like the church-is wide
enough to hold them ALL
You look over into the poets corner" and
above the statues of the poets is an ancient
stairway. Down these stone stairs came the
old Benedictines, with lanterns in their hands,
to say their midnight prayers, when the abbey
was an abbey. Out of the poets corner door
opens into the cloisters. Here they sat in times
long gone, those old monks, and studied their
old books, and learned their old lessons, and
were buried, some of them. under the flag
stones. In the chapter house, you see the
stone seats where they sat to hold their daily
conference. Beside the central pillar, the peni-
tents knelt to receive their accustomed scourg-
ing.
And then you go out into the London streets.
into the roar and push and hustle and hurry of
the Nineteenth century! G. H.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
DEATHS OF A DAY.
Mrs. Horatio sprague.

Mrs. H. N. Sprague. wife of Horatio sprague,
manager Of the locomotive works on Forty-uinth
street, died suddenly yesterday morning from u
stroke of apoplexy suffered at her home at No. 2f7
Forty-fourth street. She arose about O'Clock for
breakfast. Her husband had preceded her, and
upon reaching the dining room discovered that
his wife was not following. He went up stairs
and upon reaching the bathroom found his wife
lying on the floor. She was dead when he reached
her side. The deceased had been unweli for about
ten days. Dr. Legge had been treating her tor an
affection OF the heart, aud during the last few
days she seemed considerably improved. Her
sudden death. under these circumstances, was
shock to Lawrenceville society. Her body will be
removed this afternoon to jamestown, N. ",
where her relatives reside and where the inter.
ment viii take place.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

IT is reassuring to learn from Senator
Ingalls, own authority what THE DISPATCH
has intimated before, that his fondness Tor
striking phrases leads him to say things without
considering their meaning. He now confesses
that he did not know himself what MS express
sion about the "irridescent dream" meant. Il
probably sometimes use words that L do not
know the meaning OFF, says the Senator. This
leaves the hope that when he said the len
Commandments have no place in politics. that
remarkable statement may be charged solely to
his ignorance of the English language.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
ON him. This may be etiquette. but it isn't

upon him." This may be etiquette. but it isn't
| politeness.
BRIDE should return calls, but not wedding
presents.
A SARCASTIC man is more liable to be
trampled upon than joker.
WHAT child hears at houe it is apt to re-
peat outside.
A GREAT many women take more pains to
improve their complexion than to improve
their mind.
DON'T fish for compliments with bare
hook.
DROWNING politicians snatch at straw votes.
THE candidates are having big turnouts now,
The great turnout occurs in November, how.
ever.
DEATH removed "a postmasters since Harri-
son took hold of the reins of Government and
Clarkson removed over 500. Yellow Jack or
cholera might beat the great axman's record
Nothing else could.
WHEN politics is stripped of perquisites the
people will seek the leader, not the leader the
people.
THERE are no choice building lots in the New
Jerusalem.
THERE'S wide margin" between the man
who raises the corn and the man who sells it.
One sows, but the other reaps the big profit.
PENNsYLvANIA's oil and gas region is holy
land without doubt.
ROBERT T. LINCOLN is much younger and
much smaller man than his father.
THE ocean is infested with white caps.
IN South Africa girls marry Beers, and seem
to get on all right, too.
A MOURNING GLoRY-A pretty widow.
WILLIE WINKLE.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
STEEL FOR THE NAVY.
No Action Yet on the Questions Discussed at
the Conference.

the COnlertHccs
WASHINGTON, October 26.-No action has
yet been taken by the Secretary Of the Navy on
the questions discussed at the recent confer
ence with shipbuilders and steelmakers. There
are no indications that there will be any i'm
portant changes in the steel specifications, al
though more discretion may be allowed to the
inspectors.
IL is expected, however, that an important
change will be made in the shipbuilding speci-
tications before long. by which the use Of steel
made by the Clapp-Griffiths process will be al
lowed. Heretofore the specifications have
called for open-hearth steel exclusively for all
shapes and plates, but persistent effort has
been made during the past few months BY
number of steelmakers and shipbuilders to,
allow the Clapp-Griffitns process to be used.
The Board of Steel Inspection reported against
this change when the question was first raised,
but it was then stated that the department was
not committed to the exclusive use OF the open
hearth steel, but would use the best material,
by wha ever process it might be made.
Since that lime some of the advocates of the
new process have succeeded in turning out
some plates that come fully up to ali the Gov
ernmenr requirements both chemical and
physical 1t remains TO be shown that uni
formly good results can be expected from this
process, in which case its use will probably be
allowed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
You Labor Under a DeIusion.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
Are newspaper correspondents entitled to or
conceded free passage on our railroads. If so.
to whom should application be made to secure
such passage? +. q. MCN.
PITTSBURG, October 25
GThey are not. A newspaper man has no
more right to a free pass than any other man.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
Civil Service Information.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
How often are civil service examinations
held in Pittsburg? When will the next exam
ination occur, and where? What persons are
eligible to contest? What are the subjects ex-
amined in? What offices are filled by those
successful? A READER.
LAKEWOOD, October 25, 1890.
There are no fixed times for civil service ex-
aminations, and the questions asked and the
offices to be filled necessarily vary each time.
AS definite information as it is possible to Sc
cure can NO doubt be obtained by addressing
the Civil Service Commission at Washingt ton.J
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
Won MOLTKES CELEBRATION.

Germany celebrated, yesterday. the nine
tieth birthday of Won Moltke, the old Gen
eral who furnished the military genius
which, in connection with Bismarck's states
manship, raised the Kingdom of Prussia
from its second rate position to that of the
first military power of Europe. Congratu-
latlons were sent by the thousands to the
old leader from all parts of the world, and
all Germany wanted to honor its hero, who
has been more fortunate than Bismarck, in
preserving both his popularity and the i'm
perial favor.
Judged by the magnitude of his opera
tions, the almost unerring certainty OF his
combinations and the overwhelming sue
cess which he won Won Moltke occupies un-
questionably the first place among the gen.
erals of the last half of this century The
commanders of our armies, whose operations
approached his in magnitude, were foiled
at times by partial or complete failure.
Probably some of Won Moltke's su-
perior success was due to the splen-
didly trained armies and superior
war material which was provided ready to
his hand at the beginning of each war; but
this complete training and preparation was
a part of his military science. The best
evidence of his success is furnished by the
fact that while the politics of Europe have
been strained since 1870, no Power has
dared to try conclusions with the German
army directed by Won Moltke's genius.
Yet, with this unrivaled record for sue
cessful military genius, we of this country
can question whether work that he and Bis
marck accomplished in extending the Ger,
man empire was equal in real results 10 the
work done by the less scientific and more
democratic statesmen and soldiers of our
own conflict.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

The latest triumphs ofthe conferee system
in turning over the nomination of Congress
men and Senators to State chairmen and
sheriffs of counties, is especially significant in
the declaration that the nomination for such
positions cannot, in the system of practical
politics, be left to the people.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
violation of law. The theory that great cor
porations need know no law, is getting alto
gether too prevalent In railroad circles.

THE report that New York audience at
theater Kissed the Duke of Mariborough's
party for talking SD loud that the performance
could not be heard, is a decided hint to the
Anglomaniac aristocracy that it cannot proceed
on the principle that it is the only show at the
playhouSes.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

THE epidemic OF virtue in Detroit is rag
ing with as great vigor as ever. Having draped
the statuary in the museum, the Detroiters are
now objecting to a wooden leg in stockings,
which is used to display hosiery in a show win
dow. There is reason to believe that the poll
ticians in Detroit would develop objections, on
the score of propriety, to the naked truth.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
First Settlers of Virginia.
From the Baltimore American

From the BaItlmore American.
DR.. Stephen b. Weeks, of Johns Hopkins
University. has made special study of the
early Virginia settlements under Sir Walter
Raleigh. He maintains that 1t can be shown by
legendary and historical evidence that the
earliest English settlers in the New w orld were
were absorbed by the tribe of Croatan Indians
and that their descendants are still to be found
in North Carolina,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
TUE Philadelphia Led0er calls attenti

The PhiladeIphia Ledger calls attentIon
to the fact that for ten years that city has had
an ordinance requiring the removal of the
overhead wires and poles, and suggests that
something ought to be done in the line OF en-
forcing it. The esteemed Ledger seems to he
infected by the Mugwump idea that the con-
stitution, laws and ordinances ought to be en-
forced against corporations and candidates. 1t
will get itself disliked among the political
managers, if it insists on that principle, as an
offensive partisan.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
OLD ROMAN BANQUET.
Grand Preparations for a Feast in Honor of
Allen G. Thurman.

aueu Inurnla0.
ESPECIAL TEL EGRAM TO THE DIsPATCH.I
COLUMBUS. October 28-The Thurman Club
will celebrate the seventy-seventh anniversary
of Allen G. Thurman's birth with an "Old Ro-
man" banquet at Columbus, Thursday evening,
November Is. Ex-President Cleveland has ac-
cepted an invitation to be present and will de-
liver the principal address of the evening. Sem
ator Carlisle, of Kentucky; Roger Q. Mills. of
Texas; Senator Daniel. of Virginia; Daniel
Dougherty, of New York, and Senator Voor-
hees, of Indiana, have been invited. and are ex-
pected to be present Toasts will be responded
to bY many other distinguished Democrats
from different parts of the Union. Covers will
be laid for 900 guests
An invitation is extended to all admirers and
friends Of the statesman and jurist to be pres
ent at this jubilee occasion.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
A Wins the Wager.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
Will you please decide the following bet: A
bets that reciprocity is pronounced as res
iprosity; that is. he gives the letter the sound
of 8. B bets that the first syllable has the
sound of reck. Who wins? Don.
PITTSBURG, October "a, 1890.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
They Cheered the Other Man.

To the Editor OF The Dispatch
There was a Republican meeting at Oak
Ridge, Armstrong county. The speakers were
Mr.. Main, of Philadelphia, j. Henderson. of
Kittanniug and Mr.. Harris, of Reynoldsyille.
They talked to about so miners. After the
speakers were done talking Mr.. j. Henderson
said: Three cheers for Delauiater," and the
speakers did cheer. Then one of the miners
got up and said: Three cheers for Robert E.
Pattison," and the whole house cheeIed.
JOHN WILSON.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
A Spanish Dancers Name.

To the Editor OF The Dispatch:
Will you please inform me through your COL
umns the meaning of the word "Carmencita?'
A CONSTANT READER.
PITTsBURG, October 25, 1S9O
lit is Spanish dancers name. She is now
kicking and posing in New York;
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
Delegates to the Road Convention.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
The time set for the election of delegates to
the Road Convention is rather short notice. 1
would suggest that meetings be called In all
townships any time next week previous to said
convention. There will be a meeting of all
township held at Teepes schoolhouse. OcIober
90 at 7 p NJ. to elect delegate to the Road
Convention. WILLIAM RENNIE.
JEFFERSON TOWNSHIP, October "a, 1890.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

THEY have got to shooting Aldermen IN
Chicago. Perhaps Chicago is discouraged by
the failure of New York's effort to get rid OF
the class by milder means; but we must protest
that the remedy is altogether too heroic.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

THE interest of some of our esteemed
Democratic contemporaries in the future price
of beer is pathetic but not convincing ON the
tariff issue.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

A HALF day of sunshine was allotted to
this section yesterday. Experience of that
class of weather warrants the assertion that
the public would be willing to try whole week
of
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
Yes.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
Did H. w. ("Harry'') Williams ever run a
variety show in the old Drury Theater?
READER.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

THIS is roorback week in the campaign.
The Republican managers in order to get a
good start in the work commenced grinding on
their grist on Saturday of last week.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

darkest Africa" and who was deservedly
honored with all the reverence which could be
given to king.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27
LEEP places us all on an equality.

NATURE has developed woman's tongue in.
stead of her muscle.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

FOUND DRowNED-The Coroner yesterday held
an inquest on a body found in the Ohio a lew
miles below Temperanceville. A verdict of death
by drowning was rendered. The remains could
not be identified. They those of Young
man-biue eyes. curly brown hair. pleasant feat
ured, about feet II inches evidently 10 TO %
years of age. The remains were buried, and the
grave was marked unknown
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

IF you have coffin in the house your neigh
Dor will not covet it. This is about the only
article some folk do not want to possess.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

A SARCASTIC man is more liable to b
trampled upon than joker.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

IT is far better to beat drum than board.
ing house.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

A FASHION writer. in advising lady cor.
respondent tells her to have at least ten dresses
That editor or editress must have an interest in
a drygoods store, loom or dressmaking shop.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

WHAT child hears at home it is apt to r,
peat outside.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

A MAN never fully appreciates tbe com forts
of plain home until he is seasick.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

IF women could vote they would never get
through talking about it.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

To MOST children prayer is a mere recitation.
The lips are taught to move, not the heart
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

IN magazine aevoted to women and their
ways l find this: 1T is not necessary for = Iadv
to thank her escort; she has conferred a favor
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-27

A GREAT many women take more pains to
improve their complexion than to improve
their mind.