Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-01-03
WISE AND uNwIsE.

JoHN-Elvira, do you love me. or is
it my money? Elvira-John, I love
you both.
WHEN dude is near-s ighteds and
half-witted he gets on very well with
half an eye-glass.
The unmarried females of the coun-
try will be much interested in the work
of the Patrons of Husbandry.
THE "Forty-niners" of California
were an-Americans, though some
pan'd out better than others.
LENA (from New York City)-And
you are going to marry, Ella? Ella
Yes. thought 1 would for while.
"MucILAGE trust been formed" said
Jags to Gags. Somebody's going to
get stuck" was the prediction that
followed
THERE is rumor that the senior
class ut Harvard University is deterio-
rating, and the election of negro us
class orator seems to give color to it.
FRlENp-Is Jennie's husband good
provider? Mo,hcr-in-law- - Immensei
They've been married only about five
years and they have whole houscful
Of children.
why" said the husband, do You
wear the hair of another woman on Your
hcad?' why" re.orted his better
half, do you wear the skin of another
calf on your hands,"
Mrs. WATTS - Mothers birthday
comes next week, and want to make
her present What would you sug-
gest? Mr.. Watts-1f | had my way
I'd give her nice, heavy tombstone.
DlGGINs-Do You see that portly
man over there by the door? Virgins
Yes; iine-looking man. Diggins-Iio
takes life easily. Virgins Looks MS
if he did. Diggins -He does; he's
doctor.
GENIAL host-Pathrick, me bhoy,
you've had quite enough to drink.
Take me advice; when ye get to tho
top of the street yell see two cabs;
take the first, because, begorra, there's
only one.
MISTRESS - It's singular We didn't
catch any mice last night. Did Won
set the trap, Bridget? Bridget did,
mum. / set it forninst the cheese, and
thin covered 1T over wild M old hut 80
that the mice couldn't see il.
AGENT-Mr. NIoneymnch, can I sell
you photograph. the greatest inven-
ton of the age? The machine will guar
antee to talk 200 words per minute,
and Mr.. Moneymuch-Th you,
sir, but L don't need il. The sewing
circle meets twice per week ut our
house.
a NICE plaything for children:
Mrs. BandboX-You snid the train
l should take leaves ut 1920, didn't
you? Ticket Agent-Yes, madam: and
think I've told you that about ten
times already. "Ies, | know you lruvc,
but my little boy says he likes to hear
YOU talk"
FOND fnther-Uarry, You have been
waiting on Miss Watson for over year.
Why don't you marry her? Harry
She isn't emotional enough. Fond
fathcr--Great Scott, hoy, what do you
want with an emotional woman? Tho
crown of my head is ms bare us II bill
lard ball. lo;o' mother WAS an emo
tional woman.
PARIsnIoNER-Dcacon, doam't lab
much faith in dat new minister wot yo'
got fo' our church from down Richmond;
he has dun prayed 70 rain for fo' weeks
and not drap has fclled vet. Deacon
Yes, Brc'r Willynns, but il hnb
rained pow'ful hard ut Richmond. an
] guess de I.nwd hnb dun fo'gotten dnt
dc minister hab changed his place oh
residence.
NOT INSURED.
The Innon hcnlnH calmly Hiftcd down
Upon two tender things
Matilda Martha kuhinHon
And William Henry lnss.
Tho youth WAS snitten by her charins
And clo.cr To her lunnt
And having dared 10 kiss her, cried
1t WIZ IN Rccdcntl'
For shame young inan.' exclaimed tho
inuid
Withhold your compliments
For well you know lin not injured
Against these accidents"
Hap sand Miahdps.