Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-03
BELArED CONGRATULATIONS.

!
Journal.
RELATED CONGRATULATIONS.
Returned Tourist-And So during my
long stay abroad, Miss Pinkie got mar
ried-six months ago, too. l must call
to offer my congratulations. What is
her name now2
Hostess-Mrs. Blinks. She lives right
next door.
Enter Servant - Please, mum, Mrs.
Blinks wants to know the address of
some good locksmith.
Hostess-With pleasure. What is the
matterl
Servant-When Mr.. Blinks left the
house this morning he slammed the door
SO hard it broke the latch. New York
Weekly.
THE LATEST HoLD-UP.
The two men who had been sitting to-
gether in the seat near the door of the
car became engaged in an animated con-
troversy, and their loud voices attracted
the attention of all the other passengers.
Suddenly one of them rose up and said;
Ladies and gentlemen, appeal to
you to decide a disputed point. My
friend here insists that not more than
three persons out of five believe they
have souls. / take more cheerful view
of humanity. viii all of you who be-
leve you have souls raise your right
handsn
Every right hand in the car went up.
''Thank you,n he said, with smile.
''Keep them up just moment. Now.
will all of you who believe in a hereafter
please raise your left hand also9'
Every left hand in the car went up.
THANK YOU again, " he said ''Now,
while all of YOU have your hands raised, y
he continued drawing pair of revolt
vers and dwelling them, ''my friend here
will go down the aisle and relieve you of
whatever yaluables you may happen to
have. Lively now, Jim."-LChicago
Tribune.
AS USUAL.
~ offered Chollie a penny for his
thoughts. "
"Did you get them2"
''No. He was out of thoughts-as
usual"
DELIGHTFULLY."- COOL.
cpd hate to be slave and have to toll
in this hot weather.
81 wouldn't mind being surf in sum
mer."
FINALLY CAUGHT ON.
New Salesman-What arc you all
laughing at9 don't see anything funny
in that story.
Old Salesman Gn a whisper)-lt's old
Spotcash, the proprietor, that's telling it.
New Salesman loudly hal hal
-[Chicago Tribune.
MISS PRoPRTETY.
s'Do you ever, in your lonely hours,
find yourself addressing the moonW
'No, indeed" said the Boston girl.
81 have never been introduced to the
moon; l only know it by sight. VI Bazaar.
1T WAS FAST.
Indignant shopper thought you
warranted this black to be fast color.
Salesman (nonchalantly)-1es; don't
it run all right2-[ Yenowines News.
CAREFULLY TRAINED.
Miss Antique taking politely offered
seat in crowded street-car) Thank you,
nv little man. You have been taught to
be polite, am glad to see. Does your
mother tell you to always give up your
seat to ladies2
Polite Boy--Nom, not all ladies, only
old ladies' New York Weekly.
THE LOVERS.
He (reading)-Chicken, roast beef,
roast lamb, turkey, beefsteak and onions
She Gnterrupting)-I know what /
would like, that is, if you ate some, too.
He BORDERING without hesitancy) II
Beefsteak and onions for twol
She (rapturously)-- oh, George
POOR FISHING.
First Boy-Did you catch anything9
Second Boy-Not until got home
TSan Francisco Wasp.
AMBIGUOUS.
"What did she do when you sent her
IuOSt uoNtiS, WIN y y uA AuNOt
Returned my love"
IN THE HANDS OF AN ARTIST.
Obdurate Parent (wrathfully)-I know
what these painter fellows are. Why, |
that young Palette would run through |
your money in a years time.
His Daughter Yes, papa; but he would |
spend it with such exquisite taste.
REASONABLE EXPLANATION.
Brushley-It's awfully annoying, Mary |
Just as l am getting in the last touches
on the canvas the blamed cat has to have
a fit.
Mrs. Brushley-Perhaps she caught a
glimpse Of the picture, dear.-[Judge.
THE CITY IN SUMMER.
Citizen--I wish to see the Health
~.