Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-06-29
THE TOPICAL TALKER.

NTHEN the Cumberland river is running full
of ice in md-winter there is usually a
boom in religion among the colored people of
Clarksville, Tenn. That is the popular season
for baptism, and hundreds are plunged into
the icy waters of the Cumberland at that time
for the good of their souls.
A year or two ago among the candidates for
immersion was an old aunrie whom everybody
knows and loves, too, for she's good old soul,
as Hester. She weighs nearly ESQ pounds, and
If she claimed to be 100 years old no one would
dispute it. Regularly as the winter comes
| around Hester toddles down to the banks of
the Cumberland to be baptized. Perhaps she
regards the saving effect of the ceremony as
| cumulative.
On the last occasion that Aunt Hester pre-
| sented herself for baptism the Cumberland
! was pretty high and full of ice. The minister
presiding was short, spare man, with long
hair and other patriarchal features. He looked
| ridiculousy slight beside Aunt Hester. New
| ertheless when her turn came he grabbed her
| tightly and ducked her under water with con-
siderable dexterity. The current was very strong
Aunt Hester was very buoyant, and somehow
or other the minister could not hold her and
| the furious stream carried her off. She was
rescued by some young men after she had
| lodged underneath wharfboat and was
brought to shore very full of water and rage.
The little minister approached her in great
| trepidation, offering all sorts of apologies.
Hester waved him off with her hand. "Go
way from me, niggahl" she gasped, Some o.
these days yo'l hurt someone with yer burned
fooling. Go way from meI'
"RRINe me home some ox-eye daisies" said
amatron to her husband as he started
downtown yesterday, daisies last so long"
| q ho q m
gave you a check last week you said it was
| daisy, but 1t didn't last long, notice"
| A FTER Abe Busting and John MacPhelan
disagreed-chiefy owing to a little disturb
ance in which the latter burst open the form
er's head with a beer bottle-MacPhelan left
town. 1t was in those remote days when the
Allegheny Valley railroad was unfortunate.
Collisions and derailments were so numerous
then that many people maintained that A. V.
R. R. stood for A Very Rough Railroad. That's
all changed now, of course, and better rail-
road does not exist. The train which took
MacPhelan out of town was wrecked and that
big quarrelsome individual was taken out from
under several cars in about twenty pieces.
The first man In town to hear the sad news
was the postmaster, MIR. Brown. He got it from
the telegraph operator at the station and started
out to fulfil his duty as dispenser Of live news.
Up the street he met Abe Busting, and he
received the news strangely. A beautiful
smile spread over his features. He took off his
hat and rubbed the scar made by the beer bottle,
before he took Mr.. Browns arm and said: sit
amt guy you're givin' me. Is Mac dead?"
Sure enough he's dead" replied Mr..
Brown.
Then I'll set up the wine," and Abe pulled
the astonished postmaster into the saloon out
side which they had been talking.
There were several men lounging about the
bar and Abe invited them to drink.
"Bring out yer champagny," he said to the
bartender, and then turning again to Mr..
Brown he asked: "Are yer sure Macs dead?-
the mean. sneakin', murdherin' varmintp
''Cut all to pieces" replied Mr.. Brown. "the
papers III have all about 1t tomorrow"
GOOD riddance the blank blank blanketty
blank. Glad to bear it-set 'em up again, Jim
the gentlemen III drink wine." went on Abe
warming up. ''rhe biggest blackguard unhung
3 deadr'
80 it went on till six empty quart bottles
showed that a little wine had been drunk.
With every round Abe Busting grew hotter
and wilder in his denunciation of his Eead foe.
All at once his face paled and his hand tremu-
lously reached for Postmaster Browns
shoulder. and he asked in hoarse whisper: ''Is
Mac dead suref'
Dead as doornail-rve told you so dozen
timesr'
"Glad to hear 1.-THE ALFRED sneakin' COW.
ard" shouted Abe, ''but." and his voice
dropped. ''if he amt dead this talk don't gor'
TT is pathetic to read of the posthumous fame
of Adam Lindsay Gordon, the Australian
poet. Twenty years have passed since, reduced
to dire pecuniary straits, he shot himself on
Brighton beach, near Melbourne. Now we are
informed, on the authority OF the circulating
libraries, that his poetical works are "ex-
rremely popular" in the wealthy city where he
starved when alive. The Australian publishers
have made fortune out of the fresh and vig-
orous poems that brought their author little, if
any, recompense.
Here is an instance of the contemptuous in
difference with which Gordon's remarkable
gift of open-air song was treated during his
lifetime. One of the leading Australian dailies
thus noticed his Bush Ballads on their first
publication: 1--WE have received volume of
poems, entitled 'Bush Ballads" by Mr.. A. L.
Gordon. The book is highly creditable to the
printer. the paper maker and the binder" The
same journal published within the past few
years, without 3 blush or an apology of any
sort, two columns of a glowing eulogy of the
London edition of Gordon's poems. It is the
OLD story OF the stoning of the prophets, of
Keats and the Quarterly, of the marble honors
that are reserved for mans ashes, and the
tribute that comes just lifetime too late.
Can honor's voice provoke the silent dust
Or hattery soothe the dull cold ear of death?
DINNER party people in Pittsburg are not
likely to De satisfied for long without the
theatrophone In Paris the last product of in
yentive genius is voted most delightful; all the
best singers and actors are turned on into the |
dining saloon, and the delicaces of the French
cuisine can be discussed while listening to what
is going on behind the footlights at any one |
theater. The venture has been SO successful |
that automatic genius is to go still further |
NM. Marinovitch and Szarvady having COM |
pleted an automatic system which will connect |
all the theaters with one central exchange. |
From this wires will be run to the large hotels |
and clubs. Here theatrophones are installed, |
and coin dropped in the slot will make the |
figure work. When the curtain goes down an
indicator falls over the theatrophone. The |
charges are to be most moderate, so cents |
bringing whole act into the house.
CLOVER
The trees across the garden fling,