The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1890-09-28
Selected Laughter.

"Papa," said the young mother, "Iye
decided. on name for baby; we will call her
lmOgen." Papa was lost in thought for IA
few minutes he did not like the name, but
| if he opposed II, his wife would have her
own way. That's NICE" said he presently
any first sweetheart was named lmOgen
and she Will take it as a compliment" I'VE
will call her Mary, after my MOTHER was
the stern reply.
Clara-''Wel aunt, have your photographs
come from Mr.. SnappeschOtte'sV Miss
Maydeyal (angrily)-"l and they went
back, too, with a note expressing my Opin-
ion Of his Impotence" Clara-"GraciOus T,
What was it?' Miss M.-"Why, on the
back Of every picture were these words,
lhe original Of this is carely preserved"
Teacher johnny, where il the North
Iole?' JOHNNY don't know" Teacher
Don't know where the North Pole is? -
JOhnny-"Why. when DR.. Kane and Frank
lin and Greedy hunted for 1t and couldn't
find it, how am | to know where II is|
"Haye you good cook?' "she's very
good-gOes TO church four times a week.
She can't cook, though
Before you undertake tew change mans
pOltiks or religion (says Josh Billings) be
sure you have better one to offer him.
Mrs. Sstngwife-Dl you ever try one
Of my biscuits, Judgew Judge-"NO
never did; but daresay they deserve it,"
Man of the house (to the pedlar)-"Vell,
now, wouldn't you like to buy a nice
yistle:"
Polly (who has been airing her fathers
only dress-shirt before the fire)-"Oh,
mother, doIit you think it is done enough
now: It's quite brown"
II is suggested that members Of Parla-
ment should be elected in duplicate, 50 that
one may do the political business while the
other does the thinking.
Wickars-" tell me, professor that
YOU have mastered all the modern tongues
Professor POlyglot- but twO-my wiie's
and hear mothers"
First Message Boy don't like deliver.
in messages in there" Second Message
Boy-"WhyT First Boy-"All the doors
are fixed SOS yer can't slam en-
Tourist in the Highlands docking back
into the railway carriage he had recently
left)-"ls there black macintosh here:'
Sandy-"NO, mon, we are a red Macgre-
gors here"
Miss Touchy-" BOO-hOO. That hOrrid
Miss Giddy said was "A quarter OF a century
old" Bosom Friend" What shame,
dear! Why. positively know that you're
only twenty-five"
Master TO scholar)-" Now what are the
peculiar distinctions of the Quakers! For
instance, how do they speak differently
from YOU and mew Scholar" Please, sir,
they don't swear"
First Clerk: " am going to ask the boss
for his daughters hand to-day" Second
Clerk-"lOu had better wait while"
why" "lIis fountain pen amt working
any too good lately"
GLOW did you'pass your Sundayf" Never
worked harder in my life" allow was
that?" al belong to the sunday Rest League.
and was getting yiolators of the sunday
closing law"
Professor Occurring on the rhinOcerOs =
" | must beg you to give me your undivided
attention. 1t is absolutely impossible that
YOU can form an idea Of this hideOus ami
NAL unless you keep your eyes fixed on me-"
A rather plain lady asks the opinion OF
her minister: ais it sin 10 feel trite OF
vanity when | am called handsome by a
gontlemani" "NOt a sin for you, my child,
but "A terrible responsibility hangs upon the
gentleman"
Stout old lady TO druggists boy: boy,
dye keep a preparation for reducing the
weightw Boy: "les'm." Stout old lady
"Well, | don't know exactly how much |
ought to get" Boy (diagnOsingly): Better
take all we've got, ma'am."
Friend: "Where is your son nowT' Old
gentleman: ale is with SilyerstOne." "isn't
that the merchant who has failed several
times and been burnt out time or sop
"Yes, that's the man. ! want my son 10 get
"A practical business education
In part of South Wales, where inunda-
tions are frequent, IA board is missed on a
post with this inscriptions: ''Take notice,
that when this board is under water the
road is impossible"
one feels cOmplmented if YOU tell him
that he has heart Of oak; but If you carry
the simie still further and tell him that he
has "A wooden head also, he is apt 10 feel
that you are carrying the joke little too
far.
An auctioneer thus exalted the merits OF
a carpet: "Gentlemen and ladies, some
folks sell carpets for Brussels which are not
Brussels: but can most positively assure
YOU That this elegant article was made by
Mr.. Brussels hmselfl'
Trusses fitted by competent adjuster