St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-06-01
AS A MODEL HUSBAND
Mr.. BoYser Takes the Prize
With Unerring Regu-
larity.
While His Wife Is Away He
Gives the House a May
Cleaning.
He Paints and VarnisheS the
Furniture in FirSt-ClaSS
Shape,
Scrubs the SilverWare With
Sand-Paper and Plays
General Havoc.

| The other morning we got telegram
| from mother, saying she was i'll and
asking me to come out for day or two,
and when Mr.. Bowser had read it he
said:
You can 60 just as well as not and
| you needn't hurry back on my ac-
count"
'But the cook left yesterday, and
how will you get along?" | asked.
"Oh, never mind me. | can sleep
here nights and lunch down town. Y GU
needn't worry about me. Just take the
baby and go and see your mother and
stay as long as you wish"
| 'And yOu-yon"-
II shan't elOpe or get drunk"
"But You won't try to make any
changes in the house while I'm gone"
Changes! Do you suppose Pm
going to put on new doors and CHM
neys?"
well, please don't buy any new fur
niture or carpets, OF move things
around"
Don't you worry about my buying
| anything more this spring. Hurry up,
now, and I'll telephone for coupe. |
may lock up the house at noon and go
up to the club house for couple of
days. l feel the need of little rest"
| Mr.. BOWSer caught at my going so
eagerly that half suspected him of
some design, and the more | thought it
over after getting away the more | was
| convinced that there was something in
| the wind. On the morning of the third
| day telegraphed him that l was COM
lug home, and when the train got in he
was at the depot to meet me. His face
fairly beamed with happiness. and, as
| he beckoned to a carriage, he said:
| Here's the keys, as | can't be up for
a couple of hours yet. l suppose it will
take you couple of hours to clean up
| the muSs have made"
! | had presentiment. and it was veri
fed before [ got into the house. Glanc
ing at the front windows, | saw that my
lace curtains had a queer, strange look,
and | rushed in to find that they had
been washed. They had been. taken
down, washed with bar soap, laid out
sheet. Any housewife can i'm
agine the result. They showed soap
stains in a dozen places, and hung
as limp and lifeless as the
tail OF kite on telegraph wire. l sat
down on the floor and had good cry,
and then started out to see what else
had happened. There was a queer
oppressive odor in the room, and it did
not take me long to discover that some
one had vanished the furniture-gone
| over the natural oil finish with coat OF
| furniture varnish and left bristles from
| the brush at every foot. 1t could have
been no one but Bowser. His work was
further identified by six queer-looking
spots on the velvet carpet. He had
| spilled varnish and then tried to scrub
| it out with soap, and in each instance
| he had run the colorS sufficient to make
| blotch.
After weeping some time L went into
the sitting room. There was the same
smell here, aud | Soon found by the
bristles sticking up all over it that Mr..
| BoWser had vanished the sewing ma
chine. He had likewise repainted the
| radiator, making it a dark blue, and in
decorating it with white and red stripes
his paint had crawled around like so
many fShWorms. Baby at once wanted
to tie string to it and play horse. Mr..
| BoWser had upset the varnish pail in
this room, and although he had tried
soap and water great spot three feet
square remained as sad witness of his
! carelesSneSs. While [ stood looking
heard step behind me, and MI. Bows9r
| called out:
Surprise! Surprise! 1 knew I'd
surprise you!'
Yes, you ha re-" answered.
'sWhy, w-what's the matter?'
'If you had only let things aloneW
LET things alone! This house need
ed Sticking up, and Eve nearly broken
my back in putting things in tidy shape,
and now you complain OF it,"
| saw the silver water pitcher at that
| moment and uttered howl
'What is it?"
'sThat pitcher!"
s'Yes, know. 1t hadn't been cleaned
| in month";"
''But you used sand-paper on it!'
"Of course; and you ought to have
seen the way the dirt peeled Off! Any
thing else to find fault With?"
''And you-you Sandpapered all the
| silver!" | shouted as looked into the
| dining room and saw everything on the
| table.
"Yes. What have you got your voice
way up in 'G' for?"
you've ruined it! See the scratches"
"That's it-take on and find fault! No
! one ever does anthing right but you"
| "And what ailS the glass over the
| mantel?"
4ps'It happens to be clean for once. l
| worked at it all of an hour"
| but you sandpapered itp'
mo- didn't! used powdered brick.
| l don't know how the scratches came
| there, unless the cat did it,"
| 'sAnd these curtains, toop'
| "What are you crying about n ow!
| I got a coiored woman TO come and
wash them, and 1 know she put 'em
| through three tubs, and then laid 'em
on the grass to dry. Ipinned and hung
| 'em up myself"
| "And they are ruined."
| Ruined, your grandfather! Perhaps
| didn't pick all the grass off of them,
| but I'll leave it to any artist in town il
ney don't hang perfect This is all
| he reward | get for my hard work."
| entered the kitchen to find that he
had sandpapered the bottom of the fiat
| irons, scratched every tin dish in
| hundred directions and given the roll
| ing-pin two coats Of Oil to prevent
checking. In trying to dress up the
hardwood floor he had thinned down
some raw oil with kerosene, and the
beauty of the finish was eclipsed only
| by the smell.
| "You-you didn't touch anything up
| stairs" l gasped.
'Why not? I vanished all the bu-
reaus, bedsteads and stands, cleaned
/ every glass. turned our bed around,
| painted the radiator in the hall beau
tiful drab. and. What are you howl
| ing about?"
"Oh, Mr.. Bowser, how could you go
| and destroy our things in this Way?"
.'Destroy! Destroy"
sThe house might as well have
burned DOWN.
land wish it had! The last thing
you said when you went away was for
me to go ahead and slick up, and now
the first thing you do is to find fault.
Mrs. Bowser, we are not mated. No
| man on earth can stand your erratic
temperament This is the last straw
the veay last. Tomorrow morning we
| will settle property matters!"
But next day came to find Mr.. Bow
ser's composure fully restored, and
| when he came home and found furni-
ture wagon loaded with bedsteads and
bureaus, going off to be scraped and re-
dressed, he went in by the alley gate