Nevada County picayune., 1890-03-05
CULTURE OUT WEST.
A Landlord Who Was Authority oa
 High-Toned Terms


 Eighty-six miles beyond Denver, the year before the first railroad wen. through, four of us San Francisco pas sengers on the overland stage alignted in front of the occidental Hotel Quilt of logs). With pants resolutely tucked in his boots, and determinedly fastened to his waist with belt in which was a vehement revolver; check shirt and slouch hat, poetically on one ear, the afFable host came out kicking hound off the step to receive us. His size com handed respect.
 "Gentlemen." said he, as he shook hands with each of us, allow me to welcome you to this hospitable hostelry. The bridge is gone at the river below and you can't get over till it is fixed some time tomorrow. You will abide with me and with you, and you bet we'll share and share alike in all we've got if we have to cut a punkin. We are far out. but you shan't find Us way off. Step right up this port cochere (slab plat form and don't stop to use the scraper; follow me through this portal (slab door) to which the latch-string is never out of fix, unless it happens to be drawn in; step right up to this ornate counter tboard on two barrels) and place your royal names upon this accommodating register Ia medical memorandum book while l call our caterers attention tSal get grub for four on dit9
 "Now. me lords, please step out into the layatory (the whole wide world and proceed to perform your ablutions in uncontaminated water dipped from the creek in vessels of the purest plated ware ttin basins), and there are the frescoed napkins (pieces of former table clothl on the rack (wooden plugl. Now please walk in. There is the mirror (northeast corner of small lookjng-glass) and comb ttoo shy to show it's teeth).
 "Sit mp here by the register, friends (stoye clear out of doors). for the eyen- ing zephyrs are chilly. and take the frost out of your feet. But first, gents, stroll into the bar-room tdry goods box) and take d supper inyigorator (mountaiu avalanchel. What. water? Gum, it Il take all the taste out.
 The gong Spoon rapped on crock) sounds; your reflection is ready; como over into the dining-room Southeast corner of room) and take chairs Sawed off logs) at the table de hote two slabs on trestlcs). Excuse our menu, it is not printed yet, but you see before you the bill of fare told bacon, corn bread. hom- inv. mackcrel and chicory cofTee), the terrapin and oysters haven't got here to be in season yet No toasts. gentlemen, are permitted at the table; you must ad iourn to the bar for them and the speeches. Gents, don't be sparing with the napkins Jour handkerchiefsl, they seem to be plentiful"
 Later on as we were tired we intima ted desire to retire early. Said the landlord: Wait till light the chande- Her ttallow candle in a block of wood), as the gas is all out. Now come up the elevator Ladder in the corner;l don't stumble and fall mp stairs. Select your own rooms. gentlemen, (beds all in one room, divided by chalk marks,l and don't overbalance yourselves and fall against the partitions or you'll disturb your neighbor. Repair to your downy couches lStraw ticks on planks;) just manipulate this electric annunciator on the floor "a hickary club or telephone down the shaft ttrap door) if you want any thing, but don make a misstep and tumble down with the message. Good night"
 The next morning We found the land lord was a great reader of high-toned, low-priced novels and had got on to the swing.
 At eight o'clock we got off with our livpS -DatrOit Erpo Press