The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-21
CLASS AIN JOURNALISM.
It Holds en- Interesting Recitation
Before the Professor.
From the St. Paul PiOneer-Press.

Before the Professor.
From the st. Paul Pioneer-PresS.
Professor of Journalism - The janitor
will please turn loose the A class in journal
Ism.
Enter five section hands from Missouri.
two Wisconsin piney woods men, a drug
clerk who has sold strychnine for quiniue
and an Illinois graduate of a veterinary
college,
Professor-Mr. Podliver, please give me
the formula for short dispatch on election
day.
Podliver-The weather is all that could
be desired and the election is passing off
quietly.
Professor-Correct Mr.. Biles, what
is the fitting close for an account of a sui
eide?
Biles-No cause IS assigned for the rash
act
Professor-Exactly. Mr. Sweeny, what
form of hot stuff should you throw into the
body of your report of a hanging
Sweeny-The drop fell with a-a-a-sharp.
short swish.
Professor-Tut, tut, Mr. Sweeny. Try
again.
Sweeny with some confusion)-O, yes
the-the-drop fell with dull thud.
Professor-Correct Mr.. Lockia what
is the correct formula for time expired2
Lockiaw-Lo, these many moons.
Extraordinarily. Mr.. Jelly fish, the
ritual for punched interviewss
jelly fish-A consensus of opinion.
Professor-Wrong Mr.. Welldigger!
Welldigger-Public opinion crystallized
Trofessor-Correct. That is the very
latest Originated in Washington and has
now crossed the Missouri and reached
Omaha. Mr.. Dennis, how would you de-
scribe the obnoxious qualities of the oppo-
site partys
Denns-As hoodlum organization held
together by the cohesive power OF public
plumber.
PROFESSIONALISM Mr.. Fungus please shake
off his attack of catalepsy and describe a
confiagrations
Fungus-Eh?
Professor-Short formula for conAagra-
ton.
Fungus-Big fire.
Professor You're off.
Fungus-The red flames leaped madly up
ward and their forked tongues Tapped with
combustion the dark cerulean arch above
the fiery hell below, against which battled
the bravest of the brave, nine stalwart pipe
men and three axmen from hook and ladder
No steen.
Professor-Wrong. Succinctly, now; it
must be Succinct.
Fungus-How succinct shall l make it?
Professor-Quite as succinct as possible.
Fungus-It was a holocaust.
Protessor-Corlect. Mr.. Gibbersnipe, you
may correct this extract from the Morning
Blister: IA large audience greeted Mr..
Silvertougue."
Gibbersnipe-Th eloquent orator looked
down upon a sea OF faces.
Professor-AL right. Now, Mir. Podliver,
what are the first requisites for good re-
porter?
Podliver-To do as little as possible, and
make all be can ION the side;' swipe lead
pencils, erasers, inkstands, umbrellas and
cigars from the city hall, strike candidates
for drinks. lie on general principles, and
borrow money of his washerwoman to pay
his landlady.
Professor-What should he carefully
avoid?
Podliver-Doing his duty.
Professor-Why!
Podliver-Because it will brand him as
a rank sucker and excite the jealousy of
others.
Professor-What becomes of the annual
circus ticketsa
Podlver- Gobbled by the business end.
Professor--W hat is the popular impress
sion among the masses as to who writes all
the scathing editoriIlse
Podliver-The advertising solicitor.
Professor-Mr. Biles, to whom do asinine.
fat-witted individuals, who wear their
brains in u Psyche twist, apply for an editC-
rial retraction?
Biles-Ihe business manager.
ProfeSSor-Whya
Biles-Owing to superabuudant nugacitv,
faulty, inaptitude, imbecility, dotishness,
hebetude, puerility, anility and frivolity.
Professor-Who can give away more
news TO rival journals than they can get
into their own papers?
BlleS-Lady reporters.
PROFESSIONALISM is a fat take.-
Biles-Double-iead ID nonpareil
PROFESSIONALISM is a lean take5
Biles-Solid mnion account of railroad
accident written on the top Of a Saratoga
trunk in train making forty-tive miles an
hour, by a reporter with seven original
packages aboard.
Professor-Mr Sweeny, what is a fakea
Sweeny-Pad City's census returns
Professor-Who curses in low, cultural
tones at his desk long after midnignt's holy
hourl
Sweeny-The new reporter with foun-
tain pen.
Professor-What is a scoop?
Sweeny-A satisfactory interview on
pay day with the cashier before the lunch
hour
Professor-What is a roast2
Sweeny-The truth written in a good
style.
Professor-Mr Fungus, to what does the
young. ambitious reporter look forward
as full recompense for the toll, trouble and
snubs of his daily routine Of assignments.
Fungus-Death.
rofessor-That will do; the jantor will
recOnduct the class to the place from whence
it came; give Mr. Fungus a double stall,
and bed down the rest with clean timothy
hay.
Meeting an Old Friend.