davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05

The National Economist Almanac is the
cheapest and most valuable publication
for farmers and Alliance men that has
eve been presented to the public. 1t is
a perfect handbook and gives valuable
facts nowhere else to be found. For two
cash subscribers to The PROGRESSIVE
FARMER, we will mail a copy Of the
almanac postpaid. You cant afford to do
without it. It is worth ten times the
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
NOTICE FROM STATE EXECU-
TIVE COMM TEE.

The State Alliance does not pay the
expenses of any one visiting or speaking
to Alliances except the State Presidents
and Lecturers, and any Alliances inviting
speakers to address them should expect
at least to pay their expenses.
S. b. ALEXANDER,
J. NJ. MEwBoRNE,
J. S. JOHNSTON,
Committee.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
Beware Of Fraudulent IRitati0ISI

See that our Trade-Mark (same as above
appears on each jug.
Send for book History of Microbe Killer"
given AVA by Lee, Johnson Il Co Druggists,
sole agents, corner Fayetteville and Martin
streets, Raleigh, N, @,
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
COUNTY BUSINESS AGENTS.

Iwant YOU name, postofice address
and shipping point immediately after your
election in July. This is important bust
ness. W. II. WORTH, S. B. A.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
THE SPEAK Err.

When the honorable was brought in by
the committee it was seen that he had the
build and demeanor of a great philosopher.
He toed in a bit as he walked, but he
was very perpendicular in his carriage,
and there was no question but what he
felt right at home in the presence Of an
audience. He was out at the elbows,
and there was an off-color patch on one
knee, but there is no law in this country
to compel a philosopher to wear store
clothes. He moved with easy grace to
the platform, put a small lump OF rock
salt in his mouth and quietly began:
"My frens, is dar' one among you who
ever stopped to think dat dis world was
not allus we're? Probably not. You hev
O n fussin' aroun' widout thought or
care whether dis globe on which we hev
millyon Vars old. [Sensation.] Did you
twilight an ak yerself how dis world cum
to be yere anyhow? How was it made?
How long did it take? How did de
maxim begin? No; none of ye hev. Ye
hev put in yer time shootin' craps, playin'
policy, spottin' off hen houses an sleepin'
in de shade, an, We ar a pack of pore,
ignorant critters in conscience. Signs
Of indignation throughout the hall.
"My frens," continued the speaker,
"what occupied dis yere space befo' de
world took its place? Some of you no
doubt believe it was a vast body of water
"a great ocean full of whales. Others
have argued dat it was one vast plain,
whar' persimmons an watermelons grew
de hull var round. Yum! YUM! You
is all mistaken: 1t was simply goneness
Observation-Disclosures 1t was
de same emptiness dat you see when you
look skyward. [Smiles of incredulity. ]
De space at present occupied by dis
world could have once bin bought fur an
ole dun Guild mewl wild his teef gone, an
it would hev bin a dear bargain at dat.
De reason it wasn't sold was bekase dar'
was nobody yere to buy it-nobody to
git up a boom. [Sighs of regret
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
THE LIME-K LIN CLUB.
SUMNER LECTURE No. 3.
1t is a tape worm.

When the meeting had been duly opened
Brother Gardner announced that the
Honorable Scalpilusas Johnson, better
known as The Black Magnet of Tennes-
see" was in the ante-room. He had been
three months working his way up from
Tennessee to speak before the club, and
50 far as had been observed IN the two
days he had been in town, he was a mod
est, quiet man, with a very slim appetite
for a great orator. The subject Of his
address was: GLOW did dis yere world
git yere ?" and there were grounds for
believing that it would prove both instruc-
tive and interesting.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
Also his head.

Especially Oleson is a heavy set bird,
weighing a triae over 300 pounds. HE'S
very docile and eats out Of ones hand,
sometimes, returning the hand when he
gets through with it. He has very beau
tiful coin colored plumes, and does not
sing while moulting. Especially Oleson
and Lily Dale will be driven by a small
colored lad. Mr.. Root says they will be
harnessed to a two-wheel vehicle weigh
ing thirty-seven and a half pounds, the
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05

Peel lemons and extract the seeds. Boil
the peel until soft, add the juice and pulp
with a pound Of sugar to a pound Of
lemon. Boil until thick.
CAKE H EGGS.
Two thirds cup each of sugar, wa,er
and milk, two cups of -four, two teaspoon
fuls Of baking powder, ne- 1ird cup of
butter, flavor to taste. This IS excellent
for laVer-cake.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
SOFT GINGERBREAD.

One cup of molasses, one cup Of warm
water, half a cup of soft butter, one tea
spoonful Of soda dissolved in the water;
a t~easpoonful Of ginger and cinnamon
mixed, and two cups Of -four. When
well mixed, drop a tablespoonful in the
nan and bake quickly.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05
STRAWBERRY TEA CAKE.

Two eggs, reserving the whites of one,
che cupflI of sugar, butter the size cf an
EGG, half cupful of milk, two cupfuls of
dCur. one teaspoonful Of cream tartar, half
a t~easp2onsul of soda. Bake IN three
LAYERS. White Of one egg beaten very
stiff, three-fourthS of a cupful Of sugar;
beat again, then add half a cupful of fresh
strawberries bruised to a pulp, and beat
till sif enough TO stand alone This
gives a fni"g Of lovely pink color.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-05

[ buy some photographs Of Garfeld's
:omb. 1 hit him so queek ash lightning,
Ind dot finger vhas broken"
What did you hit him for ?"
Because he takes me for some hay
.eed. Nobody has a omb until he vhas
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03
How Young Legal Luminary Killed
HIS Fathers Golden Calf

Being told that in one of the Russian
law courts there is case which has
been on the docket for more than
four hundred years, says the Washing.
ton Post, we are reminded of the
humiliating fact that our own beloved
country is very young. Still we are
proud to say that in the brief time of
our Nations existence we have suc-
ceeded in accumulating large and
choice assortment Of cases which may
not only show our excellent intentions
hat in time we will have the most
elaborate and costly collection of an.
tique law cases in the civilized world.
We believe we have no such chump-
ish lawyers as the one on whom the
story is told in London. When he
was a young man his father retired
from practice, leaving the business to
him. Within week the young law
yer came home and proudly proclaim
ed:
"Well, father. ] have done In three
days what you couldn't do in all the
years Of your practice"
what is it, my son ?"
II have settled that Noa estate
case"
Settled it, my SOM Settled it, did
you sayi"
eyes, father, 1 settled it in three
days, and l could have done it in one
if the judge had been at home"
"Young man." said the astounded
parent, "you are an ass, a consummate
ass. Why, sir, four generations of
your ancestors have lived on that case
and grown rich, and you and your
children's children might have done
the same if you had not been an egre-
gious ass"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03
Some of the Tricks Resorted to by
Smugglers,

Standing on pier near the gang
way of one of the great Atlantic liners,
cyclonic laugh way playing hayoc
within me while watching the nervous
antics of a fair passenger. Her face,
neck, wrists, and amply displayed
ankles gave her the suspicion of reg
istering 125 pounds net weight, while
her body, with Its bulk Of appendages
would insure clean bill of lading to
the tune of 210 pounds. 1t is needless
to say that when she had passed
through Uncle Sans inquisitorial
alembic she had fallen to her normal
condition.
1t may be incidentally stated here
that any attempt to introduce to these
shores in a single Jump, duty free,
silk mill, glove factory, and COM
plete emporium of gold and precious
stones is slightly OVERRIDING things.
One of the smartest bits of snug
Cling l know of occurred when one
ofthe largest and handsomest diamonds
in this country-owned at present by
one of our leading families-was
brought in duty free. Here is the
scheme: Among the storage passen-
gers was respectable looking young
workman with large Dutch pipe.
Just as he approached Castle Garden
he wrapped the diamond in thin
piece of paper, put it in the bowl of
his pipe. then filled it with tobacco.
When he landed, and while the in
spectors were sitting his few worldly
possessions, the immigrant was maxi
ing various futile attempts to light
his pipe. but just when about to do so
he would make some remark to the
inspectors and the match would 60
out. In short time he was in an
east side hotel, luggage and all, whence
he was transferred to one of the city's
aristocratic abodes.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Another equally clever scheme is
worked this way: A European gen.
tleman deals heavily in fine jewelry
of all kinds. His private partner
presumably exports a we'll known
makers fancy toilet soaps to his
brother, simple grocer over here.
The exporter" has a fine facsimile
single cake mold with the name, ETC.,
of the maker, minus cne letter in the
name. One or more Of the cakes are
of soap is split and followed out and
soon have the appearance of new
cakes. When the box of soap arrives
at its destination in America the
simple grocer knows by the absence
of the letter in the makers name
which cakes are for him. As soon as
possible he hands the contents over
to his relative, dealer over here who
finds ready market.
An importing friend of mine once
told me that it is invariably the re-
peaters of old tricks who are caught
smuggling. An ingenious person can
carry on the game as his mental fer
tility brings forth new scheme.
The purser on one Of the steamers
plying between San Francisco and
China used to be the butt of his fellow
officers on account of his old-fashioned
and big saddled and clumsy bicycle.
He had ridden his old machine, he
said, until it had become a second
wife to him. Every opportunity he
got he sailed forth on his bicycle, both
in China and over here. He retired
wealthy short time ago, and then
the cat got of the bag. His big,
clumsy saddle was hollow, and every
time he rode forth in China he return.
ed with the hollow part filled with
opium, which he carefully hid in the
vessel, and every time he rode forth
in San Francisco he in like manner
carried part of his cargo into the city,
finding ready market.
The latest diamond trick is this
Cut the buttons off your overcoat,
place unset stones inside the top Of
the button, cover with cloth and sew
them on afresh. The schemes pays
for the trouble and goes triumphant
ly.
have known case where a pair
of hollow heels on a lady's shoe con-
tanned more wealth than a modern
shoe store. The shoes were worn
simply to come ashore with.
1t is notorious fact that If you de-
sire nice cigar or bottle of bay oil,
acquire the acquaintance of some lady
of color who manipulates the sailors
washing.
Uncle Sans inspectators are expert
judges Of humanity, and hence it is
only the reckless, unruffled, though
simple looking geniuses who succeed
in smuggling.-New York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03
Was a Numerous Man.

ut is a singular thing" remarked
one man to another, as they made their
way towards the ferry waiting-room,
show long it takes the average man
to get accustomed to faces that he is
seeing every day. That fellow at the
gate makes me show my Communication
ticket every time / come through,
though he sees me every day. / never
have any trouble with the train con-
ductor, but that's because he is man
of unusual intelligence. l have met
many conductors who would make
you show your ticket at every station,
and would never get to know you, even
if you rode with them twice a day.
That's the kind of a man that fellow
at the gate is. It's awfully provoking,
when you're running for boat, to
have to stop, unbdtton your overcoat,
and get your ticket out of your inside
coat pocket. I'm pious man, but it
makes me swear sometimes"
As the two walked about waiting
for the boat, an idea struck the man
who had been talking.
1T would be interesting" said he,
to see how many times fellow could
walk through the gate without being
recognized. Suppose we try it ?"
Call right" said his friend.
"You go along, and I'll stand here
and watch"
The commuter went out through
the wagon gateway into the street.
He returned through the passenger
gate, and had to show his ticket. He
tried again with the same result. He
tried several times more, and still the
obdurate gateman failed to recognize
him. There were few people going
through at that time, and it was singu-
lar that his continued temperance
was not noticed. Persistence did,
however, have an effect at last. On
the sixth trip through the gateway
the gatekeeper stared at him in a
rather bewildered manner. On the
seventh trip the gatekeeper swore
gently to himself, and demanded to
to see the name on the commuters
ticket. The commuter permitted him
to read it, and on reaching the wait
ing-room said to his friend, HE has
found out my name. Lend me your
ticket"
On the eighth trip through the
gateway be showed his friends ticket
The gatekeeper swore loudly as he
approached.
"I've got you," said he, "you can't
make game of me. Let me see the
name on that ticket"
The commuter assumed an air Of
indignation, but complied.
"Well, I'm beat" exclaimed the
gateman, as he read the ticket. And
he scratched his head in perplexity.
what do you mean by addressing
such harsh remarks to me ?" asked
the commuter.
well, I'll tell you stranger" said
the gateman in an apologetic tone,
"you're the most numerous man ever
ran across. Chaps looking just like
you haye been passing through this
gateway in regular stream for the
last ID minutes, an began to think
it was some fellow making game of
me. But l guess it must be some-
thing the matter with my eyes, for l
see by your ticket that your not the
fellow l was layin' for. New York
Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Beautiful young lady Cat hosiery
counter)-"These stockings strike me
as being rather loud" Polite sales
man-"But consider how they would
keep your feet from going to sleep"
Harvard Lampoon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

THAT man." said Chicago citi-
zen, "made his fortune raising grain"
"You don't mean to tell me that he is
a farmer" "No. He owns an ele-
vator. r."-Washington Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

A correspondent wants to know if
fits are hereditary" Any small boy
compelled to wear out his fathers old
clothes could tell him they are not.
Indianapolis Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

They we're roasting chestnuts in
the fire. II am going to call that
big one by your name," she said.
"Why?" asked he. Because it
seems to be cracked and won't pop"
But he did.-Boston Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

He-"The sound of your voice re-
minds me of the music Of the brook" +"
She (fattered)-"Indeed ?" He
Eyes. You see it rolls on forever "
New York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Dashaway-"I haye fallen intoathe
bad habit of talking to myself late
w." Cleverton-"I wondered why
you were looking so bored. ."-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

at isn't alwayseasy to keep track
of what Blanks is saying" remarked
Congressman in referring to his col
league, "but he is deep" "Yes,"
was the reply. "he's SO everlasting
deep that am constantly in fear that
he is going to fall into himself and
get lost. ."-Washington Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Adolphus-"Autumn is a sad sea-
son to me. l wonder why the leaves
turn red." Angelina-"Perhaps they
are blushing." Adolphus-"Ah, but
why should they blush" Angelina
Maybe they olush to see the limbs
so bare. ."-America.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

A.-"Wby do you refer to Jones as
having silvery tongue ?" B.-"Be-
cause he never uses it unless he wants
to strike you for a dollar" Texas
Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

The ADVICE that is taken at last is
that which comes from the man who
has nothing to say while all others
are shouting.-N Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

He-"Give me just one kiss and |
shall never ask you for another" I"
She-"Under those conditions l must
refuse it."-Chicago Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Mother-"Bobby, what made you
eat all that angel cake?" Bobby
"'Cause you told me to be better
boy."-Binghamton Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

1t is natural that there should be
fewer women writer's than men. Most
ladies would prefer to appear in silk
rather than in print.-Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

GLOW strange it is" remarked
Gibbs, that taking day off now and
then tends to lengthen mans life in
stead of shortening it" Boston Her
old
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

When you go to collect a bill don't
believe your debtor away because the
shade is pulled down that's only a
blind Binghamton Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

81 hear" said public man to a
friend, "that your son has gone to
work as a contractor" $50 he has
of debts. Washington Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

He-"Darling, l just want one
kiss" She (indignantly)-"If that's
all you want you shan't have it,
New York Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

"The world can't come to an end" I"
"Why not?' It's a globe, and con-
sequently there's no end to it,
Philadelphia Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

A man no sooner gets old enough
to know how to talk well than he al
so learns the value of not talking at
all. Atkinson Globe.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

"God bless you-come again. is
the way a Chicago justice tops off a
wedding ceremony. They generally
do.-Boston Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

The miller finds life to be one con-
tinual grind.-St. Joseph News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

1t would not be strange if Meyer
beers music were of the Intoxicating
kind.-Boston Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

A mans lot may be hard, but his
neighbor's hens can make it look
fuzzy.-Binghamton Leader.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Patron-Why, you are charging
me more for frogs legs than when /
was in here last.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Daily. Daily except Sunday. Parlor car on
day trains aud sleeping cars night trains.
J. WHITING, Ticket Agent.
o.w RUGGLEs, G. p. * T. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

A St. Louis woman has named her
pet cat Mince Pie, because it keeps
people awake.-Yonkers Statesman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

The letter.carrier isn't much Of an
orator, perhaps, but he delivers great
many addresses.-Wa Washington Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Isn't it strange that the better a
man gets on in this world "the better
he is off?'-Yonkers Statesman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

The cook is an expert at decorating
the interior. or.-Boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-12-03

Restauranteur-Well, you see, the
duty on hops has been advanced by
the Mckinley bill.-Binghamton
Leader.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1890-07-29

independence, Ia, July 22.-Henry
Hillberg, a baker and restaurant keep
er of this city, may be worth over
81 900, 900 in a short time. One
hundred years ago WEALTHY John
Brand died in Amsterdam. In 1871
his wife also died, leaving no heirs,
and the government converted all her
property into money, which
has been accumulating ever
since. Mr.. Hillberg has recently re-
ceived official notification from Ger
many claiming that after a century
relatives of the Brands have been
found. The circumstances of the
case are net clear. Mr.. Hillberg
says that Mrs. Brand was his fathers
aunt, and that the living relatives on
that side of the family are few. The
estate is enormous.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1890-07-29
Children CYv for
Pitchers CastoPia.
PLUCKY MRS. PARKER.
A Wisconsin EYOman Kill Single
Handed a Huge Bear.

Superior, Wis, July 22.-Mrs
Harriet Parker. who lives with her
husband and little daughter at Ded
ham, fifteen miles down the eastern
road, had an exciting experience yes
terday morning. While her husband
was absent about $50 o'clock, she
heard the little girl, who had gone
out in the yard, scream, and a second
later the little one came running in
to the house, saying that there was a
big bear out there. Mrs. Parker
took her husbands Winchester rife
and went out. The bear was within
twenty feet of her when she fired,
sending the bullet into the brute's
head. The bear started for her and
she fired again, breaking the bears
back. A third bullet struck the ami
NAL in the head, killing it. The
brute weighed 400 pounds and was
very thin and savage.
When Mr.. Parker got home the
bear was skinned and the meat all
dressed. Mrs. Parker is quite hun
tress, having frequently accompanied
her husband on his trips.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1890-07-29
A LAZY Assaulted.

Miss Lizzie Mangles. a respectable
young lady of Hannibal, went on an
excursion on the steamer Park Bluff
Sunday night and as she was return,
ing to her home, between ii and II
o'clock, she was assaulted by colored
man at the corner of Eleventh and
Lyon streets. She was knocked to
the gutter and had it not been for the
timely interference of some young
men, ii is believed that the villain
would have accomplished his hellish
purpose. The young woman recover
ed and went on towards home, but
she was again accosted by the same
man. She is badly bruised about the
head from the heavy blows she re-
ceived.
The scOundrel will doubtless escape
unpublished, As the young lady was
too badly frightened to remember
enough about him to identity him,
should she see him.