Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-12-27
DOES your hat fit you YETI

You can safely assume that the one who gave
you present is of a yielding nature.
THE doctor soon learns to distinguish from
the peculiar sounds of his door bell whether
the manipulation is filled with hope or fear. The
heartbeats are recorded on the brassy little
messenger
The Thorn in the Rose.
Twas the morn after Christmas. when all thro'
the land
Lay foolish young men with their head in their
band,
Who made firm vow, when they felt sharp
pain,
That from the red wine they'd in future alb.
stain.
With tear in their eye. and coat on their
tongue,
In the height of despair to the pillows they
clung.
While the bed underneath them spun like a top,
And the ceiling above was preparing to drop.
In their heads little imps were dancing clog
Their brains thumped as If they had broken a
cog;
They felt very thirsty-imaglned their mouth
Had passed thro' season of terrible drought;
In this awful plight they believed If they'd try
They could drink from a river until it was dry
Still they suffered in silence and clung to the
bed,
Knew they were alive, but wished they were
dead;
But after awhile. when the room spun no more,
They were able to gather the clothes from
the floor;
After Iaboring hard they managed to dress,
But the hat on their head they scarcely
could press;
What they saw in the glass completed their
grief,
And they there and then vowed to turn over
leaf.
But. alas for the pledges produced under
Ere these died on their lips they were at it
again.
PAST follies are more painful to recall than
past sorrows.
IF you lose your head you will find 1t as soon
as you recover your senses.
THE prosperous oil producer is well satisfied,
especially if the market is going his way.
WINTER guests-Coughs, fevers, rheuma-
tism.
You cannot figure out the price Of the over
coat by the height of the collar.
NOT for many years has such white looking
snow covered the streets of this coal busted
city as that of yesterday morning, Dlseolor-
alton soon set in, however.
A WELL bred dog will seldom act like cur.
It's the trifies that upset US every day. not
the great big boulders.
THE man who lives beyond his means does
not mean well.
ANOTHER 70Opound gasser has come in
VIII our Jealous neighbors down East please
make note of this?
THE policeman is always on top of the man
under arrest.
SPORTING Notes.-The dollar bills in the
pocket of gambler.
CHRISTMAS very much resembled Sunday
with the lid off.
AFTER pulling at the bottle the inebriate is
usually pulled in.
IN overcrowded, k1ng-ridden and poverty
cursed Europe the starving toilers are crying
for bread work. In broad-acTed, people
ruled, prosperous America the employer is
short-handed and the toiler wellfed. The Re-
public is not failure. by any means.
THE costliest and newest gloves are always
well fingered.
How to Win Appreciation.
The citizen who lives Alright.
And would keen his mem'ry green
Should in between the morn and night
Keep his front pavement clean.
THIS is the season when the industrious cor.
RESPONDENTS all over th g land scour their terri
tory for crime. You will 60 astray if you i'm
aglne that the world is any wickeder to-day
than it was yesterday
SAVE the pennies and you will escape the
discomforts of penury.
IF you drop into reverie you generally lose
yourself.
PARNELL says he never expected to win,
This is equivalent TO a confession that he be-
lieves in the rule or ruin policy.
A TRYING ordeal-Fitting dress.
You never discharge the cook for giving you
a roast, especially good one
Two is company and three is crowd even In
politics.
A CONNIE crICUT widower who sulcided left
this note: Left alone in the world with three
small children" He was an abject coward,
else he would havelived to take care of them
VERY bad policy-The FILA game.
The Eastern syndicate which wants Western
Pennsylvanians to 90 into the sheep raising
business again may be trying to pull the wool
over the grangers' eyes.
ACCORDING to ParnelI the coercion club can
be swung both ways in Erin.
PITTsBuRG's police have found what the
New York Vidocqs have been looking for. The