davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
Matrimonial "reminiscences,

SHoa "REMINISCENCES
When Mr.. buds had reached the
age Of seventy and had for n year
been without wife, albeit lie had in
his time lived to bury three of them,
he concluded to espouse Mrs. Temple,
well preserved mutrnn ofsixty-tive,
who had for Il second time been Wild
owed at about the same epoch which
ushered him again into wi,lowhood.
About week after the wedding the
newly wed pair were sitting together.
and the grandson OF the bridegroom
over heard them liscusc the funeral
Of Ii commons eGnaintapce who had
lteoeiy dep6fted this life.
"He looked younger in his coffin, l
thought" the bride observed, "than
he did tho last time saw him."
"Yes," Mr.. buds replied. 81
thought he did. 1t is strange" lie
went on to add rehectively, chow
different some pepole look after they
are in their collins. Now the first Mrs.
Duds-Marthn, you know-she look
ed thirty years Younger in the cask-
ct. could hardly believe my eyes"
"Yes," the newly made Mrs. buds
assented. "And that was just the
WY it was with my last husband.
Mr.. Smith that | married first didn't
look any younger after he was dend
than when he wns nlive, but Mr..
Temple, he looked just as young rs
he did when We we're married, and
we'd lived together for almost twenty
years, too"
And with Bnutr uhrrrtf III II 1}iiseoarse
did they beguile the cheerful hours
OF the honeymoon.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
Fight With an Elephant.

Capt. Paterson, ofthe Argyll High
landers, who was passenger by the
steamship Oriental from Singapore,
returns to recruit from severe in
juries suffered in contest with an
elephant, while shooting in an un-
1re4uented part OF the Mallecca
peninsula, between Near and the
Gemeuchi river. Capt. Paterson's
gun missed fire, and the elephant lie
was hunting knocked him down,
pinned him to the ground by driv-
ing tusk through one of his thighs,
and then attempted to crush him by
knseling on him. Capt. Paterson,
however, held on by the other tusk,
whereupon the elephant passed his
trunk round the captains waist.
threw him u distance of about 30
yards and left him.
Lieut.. Sutherland, who was with
Capt. Paterson, did the best he
could for his friend, but it was ~
hours before the latter could obtain
my water beyond what Lieut..
Sutherland squeezed out of plants
into his mouth. 1t was also eight
days before lie could obtain any med
zeal aid. In addition to his wound.
Capt. Paterson suffered severe in
ternal igjurles from the elephants
trunk: Heis, however, now recover
i1R. The scene of the accident is I've.
lieved to be part of the country
previo1cly untro'lden by white man.
-Pall Mall Budget.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
ADocroR's CONFESSION.

He Doesn't Take Much Medicine
and Advises the Reporter Not To.
"Humbug?" Of course it liz. The
so-called science OF medicine is a hum
bug md has been from the time of
llippocrates to the present. Why
the biggest crank in the Indian tribes
is the medicine man."
Every frank WIS the admission,
especially SO whcnit came from one
Of the biggest young physicians of
the city, one whose practice is among
the thousands, though he has been
graduated but a few years." says the
Buffalo Courier. every cozy was his
office too, with its cheerful e rate
fire, it's Queen Anne furniture, and it's
many lounges and casy-clairs. He
stirred the fire lnzi!y, lighted u fresh
cigar, and went on"
"Take the prescriptions laid down
in the books and what do you find?
Poisons mainly, and nauseating
stutls that would make q healthy
man an invalid. Why in the world
science should go to poisont for it's
remedies ! cannot tell, nor can find
any one who can."
"llow does II doctort know the
effect of his incidence" he asked.
"He calls, prcscribes, and goes away.
The only way to Judge would be to
stand over tho bed and watch the
patient. This cannot be done. So,
really. l don't know how he is to tell
what good or hurt lie does. Some
time ago, you remember, the Boston
(ilode sent out u reporter with n
stated set ofsymptons. lie went to
eleven prominent physicians and
brought buck eleven different pre-
scriptions. This just shows how
much science there is in medicine"
There are local diseases of various
characters for which nature provides
positive remedies. They may not be
included in the regular physicians
list, perhaps, because ofthcir simplic-
ity. but the evidence of their curative
power is beyond dispute. Kidney
disease is cured by Warmers Safe Cure,
strictly herbalremedy. Thousands
of persons, every year, write as does
II. j. Gardiner, OF Pontiac, r. L., Au-
gust Z. 1890:
A few years ago l suffered more
than probably ever will he known
outside of myself, with kidney and
liver complaint. 1t is the old story
Il visited doctor after doctor, but
to no avail. Twas ut Newport, and
DIR. Blackman recommended War
ner's Safe Cure. l commenced the
use oft, and found relief Immediate
ly. Altogether took three bottles,
and truthfully state that it cured
me-"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
A Smart Detective.

Sergeant Moser on one occasion
saw q waiterin q c,lfe at Soho receive
and place in hi, pocketa letter which
the detective believed to he from q
criminal a knowledge of whose where
abouts he was anxious to obtain.
He therefore dropped his ring on the
floor asked the man to look for it.
Alphonse, expecting n reward, inn
mediately went on his hands and
while this engaged Sergeant Moser
distracted the letter from his peck.
ct and thus obtained the means of
bringing n forger to justice. Who
can doubt that this was perfectly
justifiable act? But if, instead, Ser
geant Moser had suborned another
person to steal for reward, and with
out telling him the object in view, he
would most assurediy have acted
very neutrality-suspicious..
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
Rich Wives for Ministers.

A clergyman writes in the Chicago
Advance: "a friend of mine says
that ministers ought to marry rich
women. He is AZ rather selfindul-
gent fellow. He emphasized his re-
mark by adding that any minister
is a fool who does not marry wealth.
! scoffed at him and said: You are
altogether too material. Many wom-
EN- of wealth will not marry minis
tiers, and many women of wealth
ought not to marry ministers-they
are not fitted for the position that a
minister's wife must have. Youlook
ut it simply as an exchange of n
minister's social position for the
wealth which a woman would bring.
Such bartering is not honorable. 1t
hurts the minister to thus sell and
buy"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
Only Three Hundred Remain.

IT'S said that party ofthe towns.
people dubbed together and visited
New York City. One evening during
n rumble upon the street q member
ofthe party became separated from
the Others. After an Intellectual
search he be-thought himself the the
atre as being the most likely to at
tract bucolic fellows. He chose the
most pretentious edifice, paid his
money and went in. At the first OPP
portunity, between the acts, he arose
and inquired in q loud voice:
SIS there a man in this hall by the
name of Jones?" II SO please stand
up?"
One thousand people, as the search
er afterward relnted it, Immediately
rose to their feet.
~ mean Mr.. Jones, of South Dash
vile, Me-"
Only 300 men were left Standing
Lewiston Journal.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
A Growing Southern City.

"Fiiteen months ago, 'says aman
who has just been there" there were
otadozen people in Middlesborough,
Ny. Now it haspopulation of 9, 600.
An English syndicate worth 500, OOO,-
600 is building the town. They have
spent 100000 in strengthening u
creek which runs through it, and have
encircled it with q seventeen mile
dummy line. They have put up cleo
trio cars and electric lights and have
about completed seven furnaces.
Business buildings costing less than
$40, 900 are not allowed to be built
and lots are selling for as much rs
$3.50, front foot. The bonds ofthe
circular dummy line have been COB
bled up ut lis. The syndicate owns
100, 900 acres in and around the
place and has already realized mill
ion and a half dollars in the invest
ment, Mr.. Arthur, the manager of the
syndicate, gets S35, OOOa year for his
services, and last Christmas they
made him present of $50, OO0.-
From the New York Tribune.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
.Av NElonsoR JIM.

Everything pleased my ncighbor Jim;
Whea il rnined
He never complained,
But snid vet waatlle, Auited him,
''Theres never too much rnin for me,
And this ID something like" said lie.
When enrth WIS dry ns u powder mill :,
He did not sigh
lsecnuse It WINS dry,
But snid II lie could have his will
1t would Le his chief. supreme delight
10 live where the sun rhone day and night
When winter cnmc, with its snow mud icc
lie did not sGold
Because 1t was cold.
But said: Now this il real nice;
lfever rom home lin forced to 20,
I'LL move up north with the Esqnnau.
A cyclone whirle,l along it's truck
Aud did him harm .t'
1t lrOke his arm
And stripped the cont rom off his l,nck;
And ] would give another limb
To SEE such blow aguin," said Jim.
Aud when at length his years were told,
And his body bent.
Aud his strength all spent,
And Jim WIS very weak nntl old,
"llOng have waited to know" he said,
"How it feels to die" aud jim was dead
Tho angel Of denth had summoned him
To heaven orwell
cannot tell;
But know Tint the climate suited Jim;
Aud cold or hot. 1t mattcrel not
IT was To him the long-souglt spot
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

LIN Wonders Of corea.

y MA, like the world ofthe ancient,
has its :seven wonders" says theSt.
Louis Republic. Briefly stated they
are as follows:
I. A hot mineral spring near Kin
shantao, the healing proprietors OF
which are believed to he miraculous.
No matter what disease may attiict
the patient, dip in the waterproves
efficacious.
2. Two springs situated at consid.
cradle distance from each other; in
fact, they have the breadth OF theen
tire peninsula between them. They
have two peculiaritics. When one il
full the other is always empty; and,
notwithstanding the Obvious fact
that they are connected by subtcr-
ranean passage, one is the Interest
bitter, and the other pure and sweet.
3. The third wonder is Cold Wind
cave,a cavern from which n wintry
wind perpetually blows. The force
of the wind from the cave is such
that n strong man can not stand be-
fore it.
4. A forest that can not he eradi-
Gated. No matter what injury is
done to roots OF the trees. which are
large pines, they will sprout upagain
directly-like tho Phoenix from her
ashes.
5. The fifth is the most wonderful
Of the seven natural curiosities ofthe
peninsula. 1t is the famous FLOATING
stone" Itstands. orseems to stand,
in front Of the palace erected in its
honor. 1t is an irregular cube
OF great bulk. 1t appears to be
resting on the ground, free from sup.
ports on all sides, hut, strange to
say, two men at opposite ends OF n
rope may pass it under the stone
without encountering any obstacle
whatever!
= ~ The sixth wonder is the "hot
stone." which from remote ages has
min glowing white heat on topo
high hill.
The seventh and last Corcan won
der is drop of sweat of Buddha.
For thirty PAGES around the large
temple in which it is enshrined not
blade OF grass will grow. There are
no trees or flowers inside the sacred
square. Even the animals decline to
profane a spot SO holy.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
He Was a contented Man.

~O - sva&AsNe
The Ell Paso Herald prints this lit.
lie story on the authority ofanothe r
paper about q local minister who re.
sently preached at q camp meeting:
After the sermon the customary
invitation was given. for all who
wanted to go to heaven to rise up.
All present rose to their feet except
one young man who sat pretty we'll
on the outskirts of the audience.
Those who desired to go to heaven
sat down. Then all who desired to
go to hell were requested to rise to
their feet, and the aforesaid young
man was eyed with a good deal Of
interest. Still he snt as quiet and
composed as o stone. The minister
vent to him and asked him why he
did not rise in either instance. {:
WALL" replied the husky son oftoil,
| don't wunt ter go anywhar. Free
mont's good ernuff for nc. ''-(D allus
News. :.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

BACTERIA multiply very rapidly,
and they do this in very curious
way. A single one breaks itself in
two, then each halfgrows very rap.
idly until it becomes as large as the
original. Then these in turn divide
up again. and so on, until from
single one we have many thousands
in very short time. To give you
the figures, such MS they are, n single
one can multiply ut so enormous a
rate that in ~ hours it can propuct
something like 2sO,O00,OOO,OOO O.
its species,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys.
tenn eflectually, dispels colds, head.
aches and tevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro.
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C.
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial In its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it tho most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in 500
and 81 bottles by all leading drug.
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro.
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes TO try it. Do not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP co.
rn
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
Revolutionary Widows.

There are tlirty-five widows draw.
ing pensions from thegovernment be-
cause their husbands were soldiers in
the revolutionary war. The oldest of
them is Mrs. Nancy Rims, of Knox.
vile. Tenn, the widow OF j ohm Rains.
She 10 now in her 9sth year. On ac-
count oil her great age she receives II
pension Of $50 a month, which is
more than that received by my other
revolutionary pensioner. The mum.
Der OF them decreases every yenr, and
but few will probably be left at the
close OF another dscade.-From the
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
A Mean Man,

Detroit Free Press: A citizen uf
Cass avenue stood at his gate the
other day and offered q boy 1Ocents
to rake the leaves off his lawn. The
lad said he hadn't time, and the cit
izen was about to 60 for q rake and
take hold OF the work himself when
IL man came along with n big sack
and asked: would you object to
my CARRYING off these leaves"
"What for?" "To bed my horse. :"
"H'm. Makegood bedding?" "First-
rate" Then you may have 'em Tor a
quarter. Leaves have advanced SO
per cent. this fall"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

1t is amusing to see people with their fac.s
drawn rs it they hud swallowed feather
and It WIS tickling their lungs and they
would be happy if they could only sneeze.
Now there is no need OF making faces." a
bottle OF DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup will draw
your face back into q smile.
"Kings arc like stars they rise md set. "
They have headache, cuts, ind hurts like
meaner men. and are just as sure to call ior
Salvation Oil.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
An Earl's Idiosyncrasy.
From tho Chicago Herald.

ETUW VHV CIIIcUKU I1eTHIU.
The Earl of Feversham, the father
of the Duchess of sI.einster and the
Lady Helen Duncomb, who was mar
ried recently to Sir Edgar Vincent,
is n nobleman whose idiosyncrasy
consists in not paying his servants
or tradesmen until lie is forced to do
SO by q general strike or refusal to do
service or furnish goods.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
A Tenacious Clutch

ls that Of dyspepsia. Few remedies 10 moro
than paliate this obstinate complaint. Try
Hostetter's Stomach Btters, however. and
you will find that 1t is comparable, along
with itssymptoms, heartburn iatuencc, nei.
vousness. and loas of flesh and vgor Bill.
iousness und constipation frequently accom-.
pany It. These, besides malarinl, rheumatic
and kidney complaints, are also subduablo
with the Bitters.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
Timely Advice from a Drown
ing Man,

Mr.. Arthur Jones, brother of Mr..
Frank Jones, the blacksmith 1t Man.
aztec village, and n son Of Mr.. J. c.
Jones, of Sarasota, was smiling ON
the river between Palmetto and Pal
ma Sofa, Sept. 10, when lie fell over
board. and being unable to swim
was Drowned. 1T is said that there
were three ladies on the boat with
him, and when lie rose he called to
them to "cnst anchor and lower the
sail" A squat was coming, and but
for this timely advice, which few
would have thought of giving under
such circumstances, in all probabili.
ty the boat would have been capsized
nnd$ they, too, would have beer
drowned. Mr.. Jones was young
man about % years OF age.-Cor.
Florida Times.JJnion.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
CHlcAGo dentist attributes Z,

A CHICAGO dentist attributes the
widespread decay of teeth in Ameri-
CO to too much kissing. Such IN
outrageous theory is sufficient to
produce Mysteries In prim and prop
er spinsters. who would be upspeak-
ably Mortified If anyone supposed
their dental deIects were due to such
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

Gone
all the painful disorders and
chronic weaknesses peculiar to the
female sex. They go, with the use
If Dr.. Picrcc's Favorite Prcscrip-
ion. Periodical pains, weak back,
bearing down sensations, nervous
prostration, all "femalc complaints {"
are cured by it. 1t is purely vcge-
table and perfectly harmless "a
powerful general, as we'll as uterine,
tonic and nervinc, imparting vigor
and strength to the whole system.
1t costs you nothing if it fails to
give satisfaction. It's guaranteed
to do so, i'll every case, or the money
is refunded. 1t can be guaranteed
for it does it. No other medicine
for women is sold OH such terms.
That's the way its makers prove
their faith in it. Contains no alco-
hol to inebriatc; no syrup or sugar
to derangc digestion q legitimate
medicine, not a Beverage. Purely
vegetable and perfectly harmless in
any condition Of the system.
Worlds Dispensary Medical As.
ISOLATION, Proprietors, No. 6e3 Main
Street, Buffalo, N. y.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

French Republicans propose to erect n
statue to Garlbaldi in recognition of his
services to France in tho defence of the
country against Germany in 1901.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

A soRE THROAT OR Couan, if suffered to
progress often results in an incurable throat
or lung trouble. "BRowS's BRONCHIAL
TRoCnEs" give instant relief
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
cALIFoRNlA Flc SYRUP co.
SAY FRANCISCO, CAL.
LOUISVILLE. Ky. KEw rom. K.X.
Our Cat

aloguc is beautifully illustrated. Con
tains everything in the way of footwc:t
made from Rubber. 1t should DC il
every family. Send your address, ane
we will mail ii. Meanwhile, 10 not
forget that in Rubber Boots and Shoes
the best are the cheapest.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

On. FRANK POWELL, (Mhite Beaver) will
open an office in St. Paul. next Jan. Dis
senses of women exclusively.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

GARFIELD TEA acts on blood. renovating
the entire system; brings the hue of health
back to faded cheeks.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

Wien Baby was sick, We gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Caloria,
When size became Miss, she chung to Castora,
When she had Children, she gave them castoria,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

William q. Vallie, railroad conductor,
killed his wife md committed suicide ut Cor
sicana, Tex. Cause unknown.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

heavy shock of earthquake was felt IN
Guaymas. Mexico. causing great fright but
doing little damage.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

Are any OF the new-fangled washing COM
pounds as good rs the old fashioned soap?
Dobtins Electric Soup has been sold every
day for "a years, and is now just as good us
ever. Ask your grocer iorit and takeno other
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

There is much restitution in the western
part of Nebraska, owing to the fixture oil the
corn crop.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

j. H. Gendron, wholesale grain and -four
merchant of Sherbrooke, Out, has fniled
Liabilities over 100000; assets $35, 900.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

Mcssrs. Dillon. o'Bricn, O'Connor, Gill,
Harrington, Sullivan and the remainder Of
the Irish parliamentary party left Philadel.
phia for Boston, where they will address
meetings.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

University students at Ann Arbor, Mich.
engaged in II general row. resulting in tho
arrest OF six of their number. No one SUI:
fcrcd severe injury.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

Chicago anarchists celebrated the third
anniversary Of tho anarchist execution, but
the affair was very tame.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21
That
iickIing

In your throat arises from cntarrh. and IA
catarrh Is a constitutional disease the ordinary
cough medicines NIL fail to hit the spot. What
you need is constitutional remedy like Hoods
Sarsaparilla. which. by building up the general
health. and expeng the scroiulous faint which
lie the cause OF catarrh and consumption. has re-
stored to perfect health many persons on whom
these diseases seem to have firm hold. Many
unsolicited testimonials prove beyond question
that Hoods Sarsaparila does positively cure
chi
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-21

r1lbbers fit best, wear best, are best.
pEWhRT of inferior Rubhcrs sold under oth:r
Oh w n1Gh brands mission Woni.sucket Eul,ber
tirots md shoes. They're the e>t. Sold everywhere
manufactured by the WOONSOcKET RUBBER CO..
paoTIDEScE, III. Send for Catalogue.