The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-03-20
WIT AND HUMOR.
The old topper always has a gin phiz.
-Binghamt0R Leader.

Bagiev-''Well. who are YOU looking
for?n Bailey-''O. nobody in particu-
lar" Bagley-''Why don't you look in
the glass?'-Judge.
Wilkins-.'Did Suem win his law
suit?n Filkins-.I think so; saw his
attorney wearing a new suit of clothes"
Minneapolis Journal.
Maid-"Your wife is out, SIR" Hus-
band-''Well, give this kiss for me
when she gets back. I'm going to
town. Boston Herald
A writer tells how to sponge shiny
coat. If he will tell how to sponge a
brand new coat he will attract more at
tention.-1eras Siftings.
He-.'Kiss me, darling" She-''One
moment. Have you had la grippe?"
He-"Yes.n She-.'Then wait till !
take some quinine. Life.
Faust say, Mephistopheles, do
you belong to the Four Hundred?'
Mephisto = No, Fausty. The -Four
Hundred belong to me. Life.
1t was thoroughly sophisticated
though absent-minded young woman
who asked the waiter for stack of
Saratoga chips. Washington Post.
Bagney-''Why did you change your
tailors? Couldn't Cuttem suit you?"
lnndette (sadlD-' He could, but he
wouldn't wait any longer. Time.
Minnie-'This picture of me when
l was little baby" Mamie-"How
photography has improved in the last
thirty years.. -7erre Haute Express.
is Brown happy in his marriage?"
'Well, | think if Brown were to see
Mrs. Brown today for the first time he
wouldn't even ask for an introduction
Life.
Overheard in the Capital a
pity that Ananias couldn't have lived
in the present" 'Why?n There was
great political timber in him. - Wash
angt0n Post.
With a woman it is a struggle to pro
vide something for the inner man, and
with man it is an effort to provide
something for the outer woman. =
AtchiSOn Globe.
Miss Gotham-'I don't like young
Mr.. Dollcy. He fairly talked the arm
off me last night Miss Boston-"Yes,
he also performed verbal amputation
on ~ Y. Sun.
Yabsley-"Is Timmins doing pretty
well on the police force?' Wickwire-
Beautifully. He arrests the attention
of ever hired girl he comes in sight of. -
-ierre Haute Erpress.
The most exciting periods in a
xrnn,a.,fC 1ifo H.,
to her first proposal and bidding on
basket of broken crockery at an auc-
tion.--Binghanat0n Herald.
Teacher - The rainbow is Gods
promise that He will never again de-
stroy the earth by water" Pupil
reckon my pap II feel right peart when
he hears that .n-BoSton Transcript
Maud-''Don't you think those hor-
rid cigarettes are running your healthon
Cholly-'I don't think the cigawettes
aw SO harmful as the-aw-p pictuahs,
don't you know?n-Ierre Hdme En-
press.
Sunday-School Teacher-'"By their
fruits We shall know them Willie
Brown, you may tell me what that
means" Willie Brown-"You can
always tell Dago by his banana stand"
Minnie-"I heard that you are going
to enter the lecture field Mamie
The idea. | am engaged to be mar
ried." Minnie-''W We'll, | knew it was
something of the sort. ."-1erre Haate !
Express.
Johnny Binks Gin church, Pa why
do they begin to take up the collection |
at the back of the church?n Binks !
(whose pew is well down 'front.' Great
Scott! Have they begun?"-Lawreace
Journal.
"Now, this bump" said the phren-
ologist, Indicates combative DISPOSE
ton" "Thrue for vez.n said the !
patient, as he rubbed the lump rueful-
ly, land it's me wife that has that
same. Washington Post.
Very well, then" she exclaimed. to
make a concession, Il cannot deny that |
have my faults" Husband (hastily) |
mo doubt of that Wife (more
hastily stilD-''I should like to know
what they arer'-Le Figaro.
Fine night" said Smith to Jones as
they came out of the club. Yes"
answered Jones as the clock began
striking the hour of u, ''it is a fine
night, but l expect it will storm when
l get home. ."-BOStOn Courier.
Leader of Band engaged to play
selections during an exhibition of The |
Angelus') )-"Vell sir, vat shall We play
frst?" Manager-'.W What's the matter !
with Hear dem bells! Don't you hear |
dem bells? ?"'-Lawrence american.
If you have girl-and you probably
have-caution her against taking cold. |
At % cents a dish it map develop into
pneumonia a portemounaic, or some
such unpleasant malady. the inroads of
which are often disastrous.-Puck.
Doctor well my fine little fellow,
you have got quite we'll again. ! was
sure that the pills left for You would
cure you. How did You take them, in
water or i'll cake?" 20. | used them |
in my blow-gun. = Flicgende Blatter.
THAT is not more than half the COM
position" she said. as she turned on
the piano stool. ''Shall | play the !
rest?" Yes" he replied, abstracted- !
ly, play the rest bN All means: play
all the rests you can find. y WdShing-
ton Post.
Weary Wagstog- well. old boy.
trampin' seems to agree with you. l
really believe you are gittin' fat"
Tired Tompkins ''Uy course. In
fact, | may say, am beatin' my weigh
right along, every day."-1erre Haate |
Express.
so you have had the inhuenza?n
said the housewife to her washerwoman.
That | have. And for one long week !
not a mouthful OF bread passed my
lips" What did you live on?" Sure,
| lived on the strength of me grip
Hartford Post.
Mrs. De Sense (to benevolent friend) |
Il presume these idiot asylums do /
some good. but | can't see how they