Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1890-09-12

VIII AND H6MUh.
The Devils army is drafted; the othe,
side is made up of volunteers.-Ashland
Press.
The resort hotels will soon be max
! ing preparations for the summer seizin'.
I-Washington Post.
Put your trust in, the Lord and youl
m.'ney in trust and you'll come out
all right. Ashland Press.
MA;Goggin calls his room on the tenth
floor princely apartment on account
of its royal highness.-Light.
Obesity induces to inactivity. That's
probably why the fat Office never seeks
the man.--Binghamaon Leader.
We'll Johnnie. do you enjoy going
to schoolP'' Its pretty good fun.
like comm home the best, though
Puck.
The two great wants of the day
better mail service abroad and better
female service at home.-Burlingtos1
Free Press.
Miss Flyppe-"Do you think . wo-
man is ever justified in swearing?'
Mrs. Watts if she is single."-
Ierre Haute Express.
.'Smiler is hearty laugher." Have
you been telling him funny storyg"
20. no; have been listening to him
tell one."-M 7. Sun.
In the Navy; Captain-"How i that
fellow cut DOWN." Doctor-'.Dead.
SIR" Captain-.Well. don't bury him
until he has apologized."-Puck.
Cladys-.'The freshman class seems
to have SO many tall men this year. "
Jack-..Probably had their legs pulled
by subscription fiends."oYale Record.
What are you working at now?"
said one young man to another. Moth
ing" ut strikes me you ought to have
had that done by this time. flashing
ton Post.
Eastern Boy-"Did you ever play
football?" Western Boy (watching the
game)-"No; but I once got caught in
drove of stampeded mules."-M y
Weekly.
Lawyer explaining to client)-
''Well, now. my dear. to tell you the
truth" Client (bouncing up and
out)-'.You are no lawyer. "-Wash,
ington Star.
"You should air your apartments if
you wish to rent them. Mrs. Browne.
said the agent. You know what
Hamlet said. Flat, stale and unprotta-
BILE. "-Puck.
Chairman of Committee-"We want
q watch worth 500 to offer as a prize
in an amateur athletic contest"
Jeweler-"One that will cost about
$50. l suppose. Life.
He-"When an Indian gives present
it is always with the expectation of
getting something in return of equal
or greater value" She-''Why. how
funny. That's just exactly like OUT
wedding present system. isn't it?"-
Terre Haute Express.
Little Boy-'This paper speaks of
young lady who has an attractive face.
Does that mean pretty?" Papa-.What
young lady is the paper talking about?"
ats about an heiress." 1T means she
isn't quite homely enough to stop
clock. IN. Y. Weekly.
"Lampy," said the Ibis. who was
sucking the paste-brush, deep in
thought. cant heightened people live
in tenor-mentp" Certainly" replied
the Jester. mechanically; so can low
down people live in basement, can't
they?"-Raruard Lampoon.
Faithful Domestic-"Please. mum.
you'll have to get another dog or I
won't stay" Mistress-..I mourn the
loss of poor Fido as much as you do.
but don't think of leaving. the house
on that account" Faithful domestic
But. mum. you don't have to wash
the plates. IN Y. Weekly.
Look here" said Senator to his
spend-thrift son; Il must protest
against your idleness and extravaganza.
What would you do if you had
father who made you work." What
would do?" repeated the lad. as he
blew = ring from his cigarette. ''Well.
I'd say he was good 'un."-Washing-
ton Post.
Mrs. Gadder-''You really must ex.
cuse me. my dear. but fell so in love
with your seal-skin jacket that 1 posi-
lively had to get one like it." Mrs.
Chatter with Il scornful glance at Mrs.
Gadder's plush garment)-..O. I'm
sure that's very nice of you. They say.
you know, that imitation is the SINGER
est flattery. "-Americd.
Boston Photographer-':Now fix
your eyes on this subject" Customer
DO you wish me to smile?" Boston
Photographer-..Ag gentle smile Nigh,
be well. Remember what Richter
says: The happiness Of life consists
not in single flashes Of light. but in
continuous mild serenity Thank you.
Tha: is the ilea exactly. "-Anaeric9.
Merchant Ito his clerk)-"How Can
you take your hat off to that man when
you know how he has cheated me?"
How can help taking my hat OF to
any man who can cheat you?"-Ftic-
gende Bldtter.
Mother-"My boy didn't mean to
whip you so hard" Willie (who has
been stealing jam)-"That's all right,
ma. l didn't get quite enough jam
anyhow. and I'll go and get . little
more."-N. 2. Sun.
Briggs-'Do you ever have to tell
your wife where you have been when
you are out late O. nights?r Braggs-I
20. no.; she is not unreasonable. She
is perfectly satisfied to know where
haven't been. "-Ierre Haute Express.
I'm going to make speech to-
night" said Congressman Blanks
private secretary to his wife. You
make speech?" Yes: I'm going to
make it tonight and Mr.. Blank will
deliver it tomorrow. Washington
Post.
Husband-"Ain't you ready yeti"
Wife-"rll be ready in minute. I've
only got one glove to put on" Hus-
band (sighing)-'One Of those ten.
button gloves. Well. I'll sit down and |
write four or five more letterA-1tzas
Sytings.
First New Yorker-..Well. w may
as well scratch Gen. Shcrman's name
off the list" Second New-Yorker-l
"Whye" F. N. Y.-..The General an.
uounces that he has his monument
40 H..