Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-05-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

himself mas no IearS OF DelnS Jllteu.-
| SOmeruille Journal.
Is it not odd that our fondest recol.
lections should be about wasted oppor-
| tunities? -Ashldnd Press.
How little and dried up the cheese
| appears to the rat after he is caught in
| the trap.-AtchiSon Globe.
The strength of women lies in their
accurate knowledge of the weaknesses
of SonaerUitte Journal.
Wickwire-'.By the way, what party
do you belong to?n n. Peck-"My
wife. n-Terre Haute Express.
1t is as easy to tell the truth to your
wife as to tell lie, but it is not always
so experimentation Courier.
She-"What makes you have such a
poor opinion of the medical fraternity?"
Helm a doctor myself. Epoch.
The man who depends upon wages
will get rich sooner than the man who
depends upon wagers-BoSton Herald.
Dress shirts for Iowa and North
Dakota wear will this season be made
with hip pockets, half-pint size.-Ash-
land Press.
Mr.. Gould's Adirondack lake is to be
stocked with trout. The suckers are to
be slowly but surely pulled out.-N. I.
Commercial.
Pallette-''Has young Dauber any
artistic ability?" Mahlstick-Well,
I've seen him draw cork with great
success. Life.
A genuine bibliophile is a rich man
4 l.
than he does for what is in them
SonerUiIIe Journal.
The Temple of Isis was not an ice
cream saloon, as some have supposed.
1t was sort of creme de la creme
saloon of worship.-N Y. Commercial.
Angeline--"Do you believe that love
flies out of the window when poverty
comes in at the door?" Howard If
it does it goes out for a divorce. y
Time.
When the poet wrote of the break
ing waves he undoubtedly had in
mind the seaside resort and the grasp
ing summer hotelkeeper.-Kear:aey
Enterprise.
Josie-''Can Mr.. Hugg drive with
one hand, Ethel?" Ethel-'.No." Josie
Mot much fun driving with him
then" Ethel-"O, yes there is. |
drive. "-Epoch.
Convict started out in life to
walk the narrow way" The Rev.
world switched me off on siding
BRAKES Magazine.
Women are proverbially curious but
the girl who gets love letter with one
of the new stamps on the envelope
never stops to look at the stamp
SonaerUiUe Journal.
You are here for safe burglary, |
believer" remarked the prison visitor
to an inmate. Nav" replied the
latter, Il thought it was safe, but it
wasn't. tn 7. San.
A woman begins to find beauty in a
man as soon as he shows that he likes
her, but man never discovers that
woman has freckles until he has mar
ried her.-Atcaisom Globe.
Belle (suddenly)-"rm afraid all
this talk about students is rather frivo-
lous for Sunday" May (easily)-"O,
but they're all theological students, you
know."-Harper's Bazar.
'Fido ate the canary yesterday"
ATE the canary! What did you do to
poor thing! You know he isn't used to
such strong diet. "-Puch.
Ted-'Was it hard to tell Miss Prim
you loved her?" Ned--''Not very.
The hard part came in a month later,
when | had to tell her | had made a
mistake. "-Harper's Bazar.
Father Cat foot of stairs -"Bill,
didn't you hear me call you two hours
ago?" Bill-"Yes, but | can't see
you, father" Father-"Well, then,
I'll come up and raise you."-ToIedo
Blade.
Western Merchant-''Yo expenses
were very high on your last trip, Mr..
Mendall." His Drummer-"Ye sir.
blamed high. l got showed in with a
stay week. "-Jatdge.
Minnie-''I was just going to tell you
something heard Jennie Watts saying
about YOU, but | can't recOllect it
Mamie-'O, well, it was nothing bad,
or you never would have forgotten it."
-Ierre Haute EIpress.
How beautifully soft it u.s." he muir
INJURED, laying his hand on her glorious
white arm. How less beautiful, but
Oh so much softer" she tenderly re.
piled, laying her jeweled hand on the
top of his venerable head Washington
Star.
This is where we cast our cannon"
said the polite attendant. How inter
esting!" said the sweet girl. And
where do you blow your great guns?
I've heard a yachting friend of mine
speak of that so often. Jumpers
Baz0r.
Lawyer-'Did you ever notice any
signs of insanity in the defendant?'
Witness-''Only on one occasion. A
passenger picked up dollar in a horse
car one day and he was the only man
on board who said he hadn't lost it,
Epoch.
Mrs. Hayseed-.'What's all that
hooting and yelling on the road this
time of night? Mrs. Pitchfork-'Th
Prohibition Committee had their
monthly meeting tonight at Farmer
Apples, and guess he set up the hard
cider. ~. Y. Weekly.
Clara Van Streek-''And what did
papa say?" Alfred Sellers (sighing)-
He said: What! You? Whv, II
boot you downstairs before I'll let you
marry my daughter!'" Clara Van
Streek (practicaD And of course
you let him-and now 1 am yours,
Alfy!"-N. Y. Sun.