Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1890-07-18

The most sweeping argument of the
irate housewife is the broomstick.-
Rome Sentinel.
If our sins were only unobtrusive a
the goodness of others is obtrusive!-
AtchisOn Globe.
If the boys don't kiss the misses. then
the girls will miss the kisses.-Bing.
hamtoa Leader.
New York scared high for the Fair,
but Chicago's pen was mightier than
her soared.-Puck.
The man who is too fond of his ante
usually makes the acquaintance of hif
uncle.-BoStOn Post.
No bald-headed man who sits in the
front row at the theater is hero to bis
ballet.-BostOn Gazette.
Rowne de Bout-"Are you still in the
swim?" Epson Downes-"Yes; on my
back just at present. "-Puck.
1t improves Your memory to lend a
friend s., but it destroys the memory
of your friend. Orleans Picayune
DO you know the nature of an oath.
madam" Il think so. All my hus.
bands oaths are very ill-natured. y
Pack.
Before getting into the swim" man
should be reasonably sure that he can
keep his head above water.-Beston
Courier.
Q:-'.What did the Saul of Tarsus do
when the light of heaven blinded him?"
A.-''Why, why he-he tumbled."-M
Y. Herald.
Edith-'It's the little things that tell
in this life" Alice-"Well, you'd think
SO il you had two small brothers, as ]
have. "-.eSter.
1t must be a matter of regret to the
man who likes to hear himself talk to be
told that he has been talking in his
Yonkers Statesman.
He-'.The outlet is cold again. dar-
ling. Now, what would you do if
scOlded just a little?" She-'.Make it
hot for you, dearest. "-Jester.
First Drummer-''Gct any orders
this morning." Second Drummer
''Yes. one" First-'.What was it?"
Second Ctr Philadelphia Press.
Country Rector haven't seen YOU
at church lately" Old Woman-'.No,
sir; heered as how it was very uu-
healthful to sleep in the daytime" y
Jester.
Il tell you. George. if there was less
money in the world there would be
more religion" That may be; but
the collections would fall off."-N. Y.
Sun.
Farmer-'Out huntin' be YEP" City
sportsman (wearily)-"Y-e-s. been
hunting all day for patch of woods
without a law-penalty sign on tn
T. Weekly.
Every man should have a good
opinion of himself. He may find it
hard to persuade other people to per-
form this arduous duty for him.
Somerritle Journal.
The ideal wOman's hat is a section of
chaos, without form and void of archi-
tectural value. further improved by
having its formlessness knocked out of
Transcript.
sis that cement any goodP" asked
prospective purchaser of a peddler.
ANY goodr' was the reply. why.
you could mend the break of day with
that cement. "-Harper's Bazaar.
"My husband attended the revival
and has got religion" Is he
a bone-fide convert?" 20, Yes"
Then suppose he will go out of the
ice business. "-Boston Budget.
Mr.. Deighton-"Ah. Miss Western,
do so admire you mothers carriage.
SO graceful and dignitied." Miss West
Yes, it is a swell turnout; pa
paid 81, 200 for ."-Bostonian.
And now, professor. what do you
think of my voice." well. it all de-
ponds. You haven't told me vet. Dc
you intend becoming an auctioneer or
a huckster?"- Philadelphia Times.
Il will sing for you." said Harry.
who never hears the clock strike.
Shall sing How Can Leave You'?"
NO" she replied YEARLY. mot unless
you know the answer. Washington
Post.
You make a great mistake in speak
ing of that as baby joke" why,
isn't it?' Not exactly. 1t is joke
about a baby; but it is too old and gray
haired to be baby joke. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
She-"Shakspeare is simply marvel
ous." Young Talkley-''He is. indeed!
Even the names he gives his minor
characters have deep significance.
Look at Pistol, for instance. He was
always loaded" -Bostonian.
DR.. Dexter of the Congregationalist
thinks that all the daily newspapers will
be. eventually religious journals. This
leads us to believe that all the religious
will be, eventually, Christian
journals. -Norristown Herald.
Miss Beaconhill-"I wonder what the
reason is that men who
mind their own business generally sue
ceed?" Jack Mathews-"Perhaps be-
cause there is so little competition in
that line."-Harvard LdmpoOn.
Tailor (measuring little Blobbs)
singular. this. SIR" Blobbs-
What's that?" Tailor-"All your
are exactly the same as
the Apollo Belvedere statue" (Blobbs
orders two suits instead of one. )-The
Jester.
Mrs. De What are You read
ing SO intently, my dear?" Mr.. De
arficle ON american Pork
in Europe. Mrs. De Sense" Mercy
On me! Have any more heiresses been
selling themselves for titles?"-M r.
Weekly.
Il see that q soda-water trust 10
talked Of remarked Pittsburger to
his best girl as they quaffed the sweet
An" she replied. ..then
Il they would only trust us for ice
cream. too. how nice it would be-
ntts5urg Chronicle.