The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-12-14
FOR THE GANDER.
Mr.. FuSSY DID NOT ENJOY THE SAUCE Of THE GOOSE,


such men as Mr.. Fussy wear clippers and
dressing gowns just as surely as they do
boots. He lolled within the one easy chair,
which, because it was easy, was his, and he
brought forth copy of the Aberdeen Uni
verse. How his eyes sparkled and his llp.
trembled in anticipation! Even Mrs
tussy, from her discreet corner, where shI
was sitting in proper Sabbatical idleness
looked up with the eagerness OF goldfish
expecting plump fly. Nor did her inter
est annoy him; it pleased him the rather tc
hrst acquire the delicious information, &c
hem, to haw, to mutter 'Just 3d." and then
to grudRingly dispense it, as if il were holt
"Humr' he began, sit is Just as we sus-
pected about the De Veres mother, A clea,
case OF false pretenses! He was a butcher
boy and she scullion in Liverpool. and
now it's all out and as it should be. Well
we'll, pride goeth before fall.''
Indeed it do" assented mother" de-
lighted to receive SO much attention from
her stern lord.
"And-and it was an elopement after all
young Janeway and that Smith girl. Here
is the whole history, written by an eye wit
ness, so 1t must be true. Alb. what power
for good this paper is in our community
If had my way, it should be read from the
pulpit SO that the truth might be broad
cast"
And very good way too,' agreed his
complaisant spouse. -
"Ah! these are wonderful days We live in,
mother: Evil no longer stalks in arrogance,
it must creep through the byways and
hedges, it must Turk"
But what caused the bilious yellow of
Mr.. Fussy's cheek to fade into dingy pallor?
What brought that culver to his lower lip
erstwhile SO primly pursed? Why did the
elongated Adams apple vibrate beneath
the demure neckwear? Had the obituary
column discovered for him the loss of a
would have been assuaged by interesting
conjectures as to how much the decedent
had been worth, whether the widow would
marry again. and whether it might not
have been suicide.
why, Frank" said Mrs. Pussy, using in
her surprise that familiar dinlinutive for
the first time in thirteen years, "what on
earth is the matter?''
only hear this" he faltered; and in
tremulous tones he he read:
"A MYSTERY THAT MAY HAVE BEEN CRIME.
Our reporter last night met beautiful
young woman on Main street. sobbinp Bit
terly. She bore in her arms those few little
feminine knick- knacks to feminine heart SO
dear. Her agitation was SO tumultuous
that her story was scarcely coherent. 1t
limited at brutal treatment which she had
received from one whom it is fattery to
term precise Pharisee, and whom truth
would tittingly name whited sepulchre
We will investigate. never fear, but until
then, to be as fair as is our invariable Gus
tom, we will cork up"
Precise f P1harisee! Whited sepulohre!
Cork up! That's me-" he Rroaned.
Its dreadful mistake, of course. dear"
said his wife. but no one will know. You
must see the newspaper folks and explain.
They are SO careful and honorable that they
will publicly apologize if you wish them
to. would go this very day; it's work of
Mr.. Fussy frightened under the success
ton. He kicked off his slippers; be whirled
out Of his dressing gown and into his black
frock coat and CATERS. "Now you talk
sense for once" he exclaimed. "Well, it's
about time, for it's all your FAULT And
away he FASTENED to the Office of the Uni
verse.
Mrs. Fussy rocked to and fro in enforced
idleness. The children upstairs made spas
modlc and surly attempts at solving the en-
lgma. An hour passed. Mr.. Fussy re-
turned, elate in expression, self-satisfied in
gait.
well, father?" said his better half, in
quiringly.
Mr.. Pussy removed the frock coat and
CATERS and assumed the dressing gown and
slippers before he replied. Its all right
at length he explained. II knew it would
be as soon as they saw me. they assure
me that they will do me the fullest justice.
They're nice people, upon my word! I
was severe. little severe at first. fear;
but it did no harm, no harm. Well, it only
shows that even newspapers are mortal and
liable to err"
The next morning Mr.. Fussy walked to
business with his accustomed dignity, which,
however, did not accompany him all the
way, Two or three incidents affected him
so that when he reached his Office, although
1t was December, his high stock was limp
rag, and Pussy without starch is emascu--
lated.
These were the trifles that had so ruff1ed
him. Upon the corner below his house a
group OF nurses had been neglecting their
lnfantile charges in conversation. "That's
ham aaaa one ct them had explained as he
his eyes out for him, that wouldr' Then
upon the next block a gang of schoolboys
had danced about him, singing
The wi ked old cuse,
kickeu = servant gal
Ere their jeers had died in the distance a
hand had been laid upon his shoulder and
the voice of his principal customer had
said: Serious matter, Fussy. Hope it
will come out all right; but it don't do, you
know, it don't do.' And, shaking his head
OuDAouSAys no nao turned away.
So he was confused and excited, but
when he entered and saw his office bow
with copy Of the Morning Universe fairly
wrapped around his head forebodinR Of
the dreadful truth came to him. "James!"'
he grated like file. And the detected
James fled, leaving the cause of his remiss-
ness behind him.
Mr.. Pussy closed and locked the door; he
drew the shades over the lights. With a
heavy heart. he picked up the paper and
read in glaring letters:
The Crime Detected! Furious Pussy
Seeks to Intimidate Us!-The Truth is the
hesult;-A Case for the Courts-Our Attor-
ney VIII Prosecute-A Hoary Wolf in
Sleeps Clothing!-Msry Mahoney's Piteous
Iaie! 1t IS Substantiated by the Braopado-
clos Admissions
These were the headlines. Two columna
OF closely-printed matter followed. ali CON
corning him, the deacon, the head Of the
family, the man of affairs. And what a pic
ture of depravity was presented. He was a
brute, libertine, a rascal. He had insult-
ed the innocent, he had wronRed the father
less. He was dishonest in business: his
wife was about to leave him; his children
were starved and abused And further par-
ticulars in the morrow's issue.
lie threw himself upon the Office lounge:
he groaned, he tore his insufficient hair, be