The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-12
BRIGHT BITS.

IL MENoRIAM-
Little George on the Third"
Felt as happy as a bird,
ON the Fourth anticipating lots of fun;
He felt sore upon the Fifth
And felt sick upon tne Sixth"
On the Seventh" with existence he was done
Mem York Herald.
FORCING SMILE.-Drink, We darned tender
foot, or I'll let daylight through ye.-BoStOn
Herald.
WHENEVER you find man who is a failure
you Will find also a patient little woman who
makes his excuses to the world. - Atchtson
Globe.
SNoDGRAss-Td like to pay that bill, but 1
cantJust now. You must i've me time.
Credltor-I don't mind giving you time, but
you seem to want eternty.-LJe.
AL the fools are not dead yet, " said a can
tankerous Richmond man to his spouse.
of course they are not john" replied his
wife, for If they were I'd be a widow. Rich
mond Recorder.
PROBABLY the ice man has never noticed the
dainty little tin tongs that are furnished with
boxes OF confectionery. They are neat, mex
penSive. and would be quite useful in his bust
ness. Washington Post.
A FoREGoNE CONCLUSION Where is the mes
sepger boy usually employ"
He is sick with a fever"
Too bad. What kind Of a fever is it?"
"A slow fever. The Jester
A MoRNlEG CALL.-Mrs. Pattangill ito neighbor
who has just dropped n)-No, Elvira, | can't
say-no, rally, l can't-that | enjoy goin' to
funerals, ceptln', of course, when it's one of my
own folks.-Harpers Bdzdr.
McMAcKIN- Didn't yez phromise me the
p'sition av dog-drowner if supported yess
Alderman Fenely-Oi did not.
McMackin- Hiven bless tn phunograph!
Listen to tn wur-ruds yez sed.-Judge
A REMEDY Smith-Say, Brown, you seem to
be growing bald very rapidly. Why don't you
try some remedy?
Brown am going to. | went and saw a di-
vorce lawyer this morning.-TeTds Siftings.
The Coin TRUTH.-Farmer aboard street
car)-Do YOU ring that clock thing, mister, every
time you collect a fare?
Conductor-No sir; we only register the fares
that we turn in to the company. The Jester.
WHEN asked her to marry she began tn
shrink like-hke flannel shirt.
That's an odd comparison; what do you
mean"
Just what say. She got up around my
neck. W hjtd jelphid Times
THE New HELP-"Here you. thingumm
What's your name? What under the sun are
you doing with the lawn mower?"
''Larn-mower, is it? Sure, an Dim thryin' to
use the schwaper, mum, as We touled me. It's
none too aisy wild de carpit, num- but it's fare
full Job wild de trimnins on de roog. '-Hdrpers
BG-dr
JEALOUSY AT WEST PoINT.-Maud-T hear
that Miss Flutter is so susceptible that the
younger cadets fight each other for the priv
lege of dancing with her
Emma--Bu she ism pretty,
Maud (sweetly)-No, but the poor things
heart beats time so regularly that they save
| dapcing masters fees.-AmericGn Grocer.
WHY HE SAVED HIN.-Two friends, one the
agent Of life insurance company aud the otter
a drum ner are sitting in tavern playing cards
They get into a quarrel and become very per
sonal in their remarks Finally the life insur-
auce agent jumps up, sezes the drummer by
the throat, and. shaking him, says in a hoarse
voice:
You Internal scoundrel if you were not in
sured in my company I'd choke the life out of
you."-TerGS Siftsngs.