Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-09-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

|
ways buy an American girl.
"Look outl" cried the pebble to the
clam shell; "there's a cold wave COM
ing. ."-Harper's Basar.
"Did your father leave willa" "No,
no will; nothing but plain every day
bills. y Washington Post.
The dressmaker does her work with
mathematical accuracy. She is great on
| figures. Washington Post.
Misfortune and poverty bring out the
good points of a man including his ell
bows.-Burlington Free Press.
The man that can't sing and won t sing
deserves the sincere thanks of mu iical
community. y.-Someroilh Journal.
Travelling Agent-''Are you the head
of the house, sir9" Mr.. Cowed-"Hem
-Ah!-I represent er."-Puck.
Man proposes and - then goes home
wondering how he managed to make
such a fool of himself over it.-P,tck.
If glass was not discovered, so to speak,
Until the world had reached quite old
date
What did the fishermen before that time
philadelphia Tmco.
There never was a woman who didn't
long to tell some other woman just how
she ought to do up her hair. SomeroiWe
| Journal.
In large families it has been found that
the olive branch of peace is not equal to
the well-matured hickory yearling.-
Dallas Ne,os.
/ "Papa," said Willie, ''what is rara
avis2" ga rNa avis, my son, IS dude
with brains. You hardly ever see one."
-New York Sun.
Beronr-"Please, sir, give me few
pennies. My wife is dead" Mr.. Hen
| peck-"NIan alive! What more do you
want2"-Boston Adoertiser.
Uncle Sam is frequently depicted as a
slim, cadaverous looking man, but he
has mighty strong constitution just the
same Commercial Adoertiser.
1t is not true that the rain falls alike
upon the just and the unjust nowadays.
1t falls more upon the just, because the
other fellow has stolen his umbrella.
| She was only a summer girl, tits true,
| But when he made her his wife
In memory for those times she made
| 1t hot for him all his life.
! philadelphia Times.
| Speaking of maternal instinct, a
marine exchange has an article on "De-
voted Mother Whales" So does the
devoted father, only he lays it on harder.
Philadelphia Press.
CoNsr.Ncv
| If you offer your hand to some fair maid
As to wedding, perhaps she'll scof,
| But If you offer it to buzz saw
The affairs likely to come off.
| philadelphia Times.
Judge-"This gentleman can identify
the watch, because his initials are
scratched on the inside of the case.'
! Prisoner-"No, he can't; scratched
| them off. - Clothiers' and Fhrnishers'
| Gazette.
Yeast-s'Here's an account in the pa
pcrs OF man holding his breath for
one hour. Do you believe thata"
Crimsonbeak = Certainly. Why, Me-
thuselah held his breath for over nine
hundred years. Statesman.
Wee Wife-"Love you9 OF course
do. You dear, blessed old peach crop"
Big Husband Qoving, but luckless)-
"Great Scott! Why this new titlea"
w. W.-"Because you are such perpe.
tual failure. ."-Milnaukee Nesos.
APPEARANCES DECEIVE
A swell may seek to cut dash
With flannel suit, silk shirt and cane,
But frequently the finest sash
Will hide the most distressing pain.
-Net1 York Journal
"What is necessary when you wish to
beat retreat2" asked an old military man
at Fort Washington. 81 suppose you'd
have to retreat faster than the other fell
lows, was the reply that came after
some deliberation. Washington Post
Hand to Mouth. = Snaggs = "Hello,
Baggs! Haven't seen you for years.
How are you living now?" Baggs--
"Hand to mouth" Snaggs "You
don't say so. By Jove, l wouldn't have
thought it." Baggs-"Why notf Can't
man be dentist and be respectable2"
Burlington Free Press.