Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-08-21
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS By FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

The Society Grille Obeyed Or
ders-The Dear GIrls-Text-Book
Revision, Etc, Etc.
SENTIMENT VS.. SCIENCE.
Jobson Ito young lady physician)--
Can't you look in my face, dear, and tell
what is in my hearth
Miss NJ Dyes, bad blood your
system needs cleansing.
PREFERRED THE OTHER PUPPY.
Dickey-"L me, 'ove my dogf"
don't cher know, Miss Beauty!
Miss Beauty-Oh, it would be easier to
love your dog than you'll
PLENTY OF TIME.
Harry-Dearest, love you better and
better every moment, and long for the
time to come when you shall be my own
dear wife
Dearest-Oh, well, Harry, there's
plenty of time; and as you say your
love is increasing all the time, it would
be foolish to marry before it became
wholly ripe Boston Transcript.
WHEN HE GOT THE LAST WORD.
Shells it not wonderful how great
steamship is controlled by so small thing
as her heinz
He-Yes; but being feminine she al
ways answers it.
TOOK HIM AT HIS WORD.
go ahead, my boy!" said his father,
''Get ahead in this world of din.
Do not sit down idle, but rather
Get ahead to the front and win"
And the boy took his fathers warning,
AT the club he played well and won,
And he had quite head in the morn
Like tired but dutiful son.
Il Munsey's Weekly.
THEY'RE MARRIED NOW.
Snooks-How are you getting on since
your marriage?
Scroggins as well as expected.
When she gave me her hand, a little
over year ago, | was filled with de-
light, but the way she gives me her
hand now only makes my ears ring
--[Texas Siftings.
TEXT BOOK REVISION.
Teacher of Natural History Ito class
of young women)-Is it true that animals
feel affections
Young Woman-Yes, in almost all
cases.
Teacher-Name the animal that feels
most affection for man.
Young Woman-W Woman New York
Herald.
THE DEAR GIRLS.
Maud-Colonel Soanso is very polite
man.
Ethel-What makes you say so9
Maud-When he saw you and you
sister at the ball last night he sale
(which is the younger2" instead o.
(which is the elder2" as other men do
-[Epoch.
STILL YOUNG MEN WON'T TAKE WARNING
Before Marriage-Why SO pensive
dearest2
After Marriage-Why so expensive
Mrs. Jones9-[springield Graphic.
LOGICAL.
He-Why do you sit SO far away fror
me2
She-So as to be near you.
He-What do you meanG
She-Everybody says you're away off.
THE OLD, OLD STORY.
He fshed all day nor got single bite;
He rallied at fate, dubbed fortune bu
jade
He took lively mess back home tina
night,
He got it for dime, and ready made
HE WOULD HEAD THE PROCESSION.
The pastor had spoken the words tina
made them man and wife.
George" said she, turning her love
lit eyes upon her husband, George,
am SO very, very happy now that you an'
/ are to walk arm in arm through life. J"
"Not now, dear, not now, " said Georg
firmly; 1--WE might have done so had W
never married, but not now. will G
ahead and you may follow on behind
Wasp.
HE oBEYED ORDERS.
81 assure you, Judge, that my physi
clan is responsible for my being thief.
''Do you mean to say that he hypno
tized you and compelled you to commi
a crime2"
81 won't say that, but l do know thai
he ordered me to take something befor,
going to bed"
SHE WAS.
Masher-Are you travelling alone
NIissl
Maiden-I am sir; good dayw
HAD HEARD OF THEM.
Train Robber boarding parlor cal
western express. Quick, now, if yer
knows wot's best fer yer. Git yer valy.
bles ready.
Mr.. Hayseed - Land sakesl Marier,
here comes the porter. .-[Good News.
ICE CREAM & co.
Fred-I wish my girl would hurry W
and marry me if she's going to.
Edwin-Is she keeping you in sus
pense2
Fred-No; expense.
THE SOCIETY GIRL.
In autumn she is rosy checked,
In winter pale and gem bedizened,
In spring disgust, if she's tanned,
In summer angry if she isn't.-[Life
| suoruD RE A DOCTOR