The climax. [volume] (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1887-1897, 1890-07-02
HAPPY JACK.
Writes an Open Letter to Senator John J.
Ingalls,. Of Kansas,
In Which he INDUCES in Numerous IneOn
gruVial Remarks.

4 tfe9gYf Auitcuoi VI uftYCctty ctccs otett uity-
body euer heard Of:
Ny DEAR SIR: have been reading the
speech which you delivered at Gettys-
burg about the same hour the cover was
being taken off Gen. Lee and his horse at
Richmond. Lord goodness alive man
don't run mad its close to dog days, but
don't run mad don't fear and tremble so
about Gen, Lees statue; it wont hurt
you. Lie down under your vine and fig
tree, and don't be mOlested or skeered,
for you shant be hurt Lie down wrap
the drapery OF your couch about you,
and, if possible, don't wake any more. If
you viii do this, you will give rest to the
weary in this world, though the devil
takes care Of you in the next. But seri-
Ously, sir, you should shake off your
guilty fears and overcome this panic that
seems to beset you so. We love thenames
of Davis and Lee, and when your sort
comes round giving directions we feel
that the sacred precincts of our love are
about to be invaded by the vile presence
of some leprous body; but we wont hurt
You, oh no, no, no! If it were possible
you might blister your case-hardened
tongue with your hate and bitterness
against them. Yet you cannot SANDER their
names, and they are too high advanced
in the scale of greatness and goodness, Of
glory and grandeur to need any Dragging
on by one so obscure as L Gen. Lee sur
rendered gallant band of soldiers all
worn and tattered and torn" twenty-five
years ago at Appomattox TO Gen. Grant.
Gen. Grant gave US our horses for our
crops and our side arms for protection
/ against you Jayhawkers.
Gen. Lee in retur gave him our word
that we would quit fighting unless against
foreigners and Jayhawkers, and Grant
believed Lee, and we are going to keep
our word. You may not be used to peO-
pie who keep their word, but you watch
our good manners and you may have
| some after awhile yourself We are 20
ing to keep our word, whether We have
to or not, and you know, according to
yOur,Own showing, we'dOn't have to. Are
you not continually singing If in our ears
that Union army is all on crutches and
afflicted with incurable diseases and
wounds and that your physical system is
so inOculated with ''blOod poison" that
your moral nature has likewise become
rotten? Now what in Gods name is to
hinder us from bouncing down on them
and sweeping them from the face of the
earth if you tell the truth? If you don't
tell the truth, and the devil is the father
Of liars, don't you think you are his IA
vorite son? This ought to convince YOU
Of our loyalty to the best Government the
world ever saw; for instead of bouncing
down upno them, we have been engaged
for twenty-five years in paying pensions to
two millions of Union cripples Just be-
cause We gave Gen. Grant our word that
we would "beat our spears into pruning
| hooks" We had no idea at the time that
you would require us to hook so many
prunes, but our imagination is not so
fruitful as yours, and we are going to stick
to our word with Gen. Grant as long as
there is a prune, and hooking is fashion
able with you folks, and think that long
enough don't you? Never mind that
Confederate flag. Don't you remember
the society flag we used to hale at our de-
batting societies when we were boys, and
the able discussions we had abont wheth-
er Jobs turkey was a hen or a gobler? I
had almost forgotten these debates until
I read your speech, and it was so much
ike the ones we used to make about that
turkey, that / am freshened up nightly
about our young days. But there is no
fight in that flag Mr. Ingalls,; not a bit
We are in a good humor with most of the
United States army that fought; and they
are with us. Some times when Gen.
! Sherman's name is called some man saws
something about "kindling wood" l new
er ask what he means. But sir, in ok
les land we take our stand' for the IN
ion, and you can't hatch up any fight
with us. Senator if you are spelling for
a fight, fight Joe Blackburn, he needs
killing, don't he? Fight Joe.
Then every once in a while some of
you fellows break out about the "Confed-
crate Brigadiers," passing pension bills
for the COnfederates Good Gracious
alivei don't YOU suppose We have sense
enough to know we would be barking
up the wrong tree" even though there
should happen to be a few of us who
were base enough to answer our cOuntry's
call for money only? We would be as
big fool as Spence Dabney's coon dog
that wore out a hundred tails barking up
4 tree where there never was a coon. We
fought for good principles as we regarded
IT, and there are no hired mourners over
the blood and graves of our comrades.
We will never accept a fee of eight dol
lars per month as hired patriots to moan
and groan over wounds never received
and diseases never contracted, though we
be so advised by DR.. Harrison himself
We are growing old; those Of us Who re-
main in this good day are good men,
working for good purpose and a good
destiny don't you forget it; there is no
cheap blood in Confederate veins.
At the opening ball of our country's
call, we will spill it all and for our coun-
try, but we have no blood for sale, not
drop. There has never been a moneyed
value placed upon Confederate blood;
thank God and our noble sires for that.
We had no substitute patriots in our
ranks. You opened the prison doors Ct
the world, and in many instances substi-
tuted its crime for Union patriotism, and
in every instance it was considered fair
exchange and full equivalent. No Won
der it took ten of your men to one Of ours
four years to overcome an earnest people
only TO find your grand army, your boun-
tied army, your substituted army, your
foreign and changing army, your army
of ever condition from that Of purest pa
triotism to foulest of purpose, Frustrated
to such degree that, to-day, twenty-five
years after the fight is over, millions of
them are clamoring for more money,
more money, more money" and are you
not one, sir, to whom they give more
money TO help them clamor for more
money? What will Won take to unite