The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-01-18
CULTURE OUT WEST.
A Landlord Who was an Authority on
Hjfh-Toned Terms

A Landlord Who was an Authority on
Uigh-Toned Terms.
Eighty-six miles beyond Denver, the
year before the first railroad went
through, four of rs San Francisco pas
sengers on the overland stage alighted
in front of the Occidental Hotel" Quilt
of logs). With pants resolutoly tucked
in his boots, and determinedly fastened
to his waist with a belt in which was q
vehement revolver; check shirt and
slouch hat, POLITICALLY on one ear, the
atfable host came out, kicking a hound
off the step to receive us. His size COM
manded respect
Gentlemen" said he, as he shook
hands with each of us, "allow me to
welcome you to this hospitable hostelry.
The bridge is gone at the river below
and you can't get over till it is fixed
some time tomorrow. You will abide
with me and with you, and you bet we'll
share and share alike in all we've got if
we have to cut n punlin. We are far
out, but you shan't find us way off. Step
right up this port cochere (slab plat
form) and don't stop to use the scraper;
follow me through this portal slab
door, to which the latch-string is never
out of fix, unless it happens to be drawn
in; step right up to this ornate counter
(board on two barrels) and place your
royal names upon this accommodating
register "a medical memorandum book
while call our caterers attention (Sal
get grub for four on ditD
"Now, me lords, please stop out into
the lavatory (the whole wide world) and
proceed to perform your ablutions in
uncontaminated water dipped from the
creek in vessels of the purest plated
ware (tin basins), AVID there are the
frescoed napkins (pieces of former table,
cloth) on the rack (wooden plug). Now
please walk in. There is the mirror
northeast corner of small loolsing-glass)
and comb (too shy to show it's teeth).
''Sit up here by the register, friends
ing zephyrs are chilly, and take tho
frost out of your feet. But first, gents,
stroll into the bar-room (dry goods box)
and take supper invigorator (mountain
avalanche What, water? Gum, it III
take all the taste out!
"The gong (spoon raped on crocls)
sounds; your rejection is ready; come
over into the dining-room (southeast
corner of room) and take chairs Sawed
off logs) at the table de hote 1.-TWO slabs
on trestles). Excuse onr menu, it is not
printed yet, but you see before you the
bill of fare (old bacon, corn bread, hon.
my, mackerel and chicory coffce), the
terrapin and oysters haven't got here to
I, t., u
are permitted at the table; you must
adjourn to the bar for them and the
speeches. Gents, don't be sparing with
the napkins tour handkerchiefs), they
seem to be plentiful"
Later on as we were tired we intima-
ted desire to retire early. Said the
landlord: swat till ! light the chande-
lier (tallow candle in block of wood,
as the gas is all out. Now come up tho
elevator Qadder in the corner:) don't
stumble and fall up stairs. Select your
own rooms, gentlemen, (beds all in one
room, divided by chalk marks,) and
don't overbalance yourselves and fall
against the partitions or you'll disturb
your neighbor. Repair to your downy
couches (straw ticks on planks0 just
manipulate this electric annunciator on
the floor "a hickary club) or telephone
down the shaft trap door if you want
any thing, but don't make misstep and
tumble down with the message. Good
night"
The next morning we found tho land
lord was great reader of high-toned,
low-priced novels and had got on to the
swing.
At eight o'clock we got off with our
lives.-Detroit Free Press.