The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-05-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The wind often turns an umbrella, Dut
a borrower rarely returns it.
A man who fools his time away-The
circus clown. Boston Bulletin.
The man who never smiles is centre
of gravity. Post -ErprcSs.
Arbitration can settle good many
things, but it won't work on muddy
coffee.
A song writer says he prefers to turn
out lullabies because there is luck III nod
numbers.
No matter how great burden it is to
him, the doctor can easily endure life If
he has patients.
Gladstone's axes are in great demand.
This is because he is such a good feller.
-NoIYist0Un Herald.
Time will tell but the ordinary man
with an important secret won't give
time a chance.-Lyrn Press.
1t is risky business to engage chem
ist in war of words, as he is always
ready with retort.-Ne,0 York Neios.
In America every man has right to
his own opinion, but nobody who has an
opinion seems to recognize that right eX-
cept as to himself
Bessie-'I make all my own dresses.
Don't you think l deserve credits"
Jennie-''Yes, my dear; but only for
your good intentions"
"Don't you think that doctors are
usually handsome men" said one girl to
another. "Some of them are just kill
ing. 60 Washington Critic.
American-"No, sir; we have no titles
in this country" Englishman-"Then
the ownership of real estate must rest on
an insecure basis. - YeR0UiBe'S Ne1os.
care you fond of orchids, Miss
Laker?" asked Miss Gotham of her
Chicago visitor. 'Really,' was the re-
ply, ~ don't believe ever ct any
MunSeys Weekly.
McCorkle-'Dolleyi is as tall as a lad
der" McCrackle-"Yes;a and he is like
a ladder in another respect, too
"What is that?" ''You can see through
him. YeRoDiae's NepS.
Lady to tramp)-"Of course, if
give you your breakfast you will do
little work for me-" Tramp politely
"Oh, certainly ma'am; just as little as |
know how. u Washington Star.
A MARTIAL PARADOX.
There is paradox quite new,
With common sense imbued;
The man who's married to shrew
Is anything but shrew'd!
MunseJs Weekly
at was a fearful night--cold as the
Arctic regions. The rutfians were two
hours ransacking the cars" "You must
have been nearly frozen" "Oh no.
was covered by two six-shooters. -
AuR~y's Weekly.
Customer-''I'd like to get about fifty
cents worth of these cucumbers, if you
please" Dealer in fine groceries, tropical
fruits, etc, with withering scom)-
'Can't you afford to buy whole one!'-
CAicagO Tribune.
Bookstore Clerk-"We have Bible
of the same type as that, sir, but bound
in morocco Customer-'I don't care
about helping those foreign fellers along.
Give me a Bible bound in the United
States. .n-JUdgs.
Merchant (tO his clerk How can
you take your hat OFF to that man when
you know how he has cheated mei"
Clerk-"How can l help taking off my
hat to any man who can cheat your
Fliegeade Bidetter.
There's big blunderbus at the window;
There's a cat on the back yard fence;
There's a shot; there's squall,
And a long caterwaul
And then-there is silence intense
Washington Capital
Husband-''Ain't you ready yett'
Wife-'Ill be ready in a minute. I've
only got one glove TO put on" Husband
(sighing) Of those ten-button
gloves. Well, I'll sit down and write
four or five more letters. ."-Tegas SIT,
iRgs.