The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1890-10-16
Satisfied her Appetite.

|
ton to material things-maybe they will.
BILL ARP.
Satisfied her Appetite.
An old man was walking to and fro in
front of small frame house that stood
near the roadside. a traveller came
along, and just as he had begun to ask
directions Of the old fellow, there came q
startling shrek from the house.
"Gracious alive! what was that?" the
traveller asked.
"Oh, nuthin' much-jest my wife.
She's in thar having her tuth pulled, but
a-body out here not knowing whut was
up would think that thar was something
the matter with her. She tuck up the
idee some time ago that her nat'ral born
teeth want good enough, an lowed that
she must have these here teeth whut
folks make. The preachers wife
had hern tuck out an some new ones
put in, an then my wife was jest like
hen sitting on hot gred-iron. She
KEEP a.digging at me an a.digging at
me, an lowed at last that if didn't agree
to her hayin' as good teeth as the preach:
er's wife, she wouldn't live with me no
longer. Wall, I commenced to give in
| then, for if thar's woman in this world
that knows how to bake shot, she is the
one. an jest KANT do without her.
sorter agreed, and she sold her best COW
an feather bed that her mother give
her when she was married, an to-day we
come over here to the dentist. | don't
know how many teeth he has pulled, but
as nigh as lin calculate, I have hearn
her squal about six times, an if she
haint' had but six snatched out, she's in
right bad FIX yit, fur I reckon she must
have ten more to come. Ah, thar comes
another one," be added as The woman
shrieked distressingly. "Let's step in
an see how she's gittin' along"
"No," said the traveller, "I'd rather not
see her."
"Oh, but you must"
"But I will not"
Gall right, but if you don't l won't
give you them directions, an then you
will be in fix. You KANT find yo' way
thar to save you. I don't mind givin'
man whut information I've got, but when
feller has so little intrust in my wife as
you have, why / won't have nothin' to
do with him."
sob, we'll, ifyou put in hatlight, III
go in"
Gall right; come ahead; an mind
| now that l want you to sympathize with
her. do reckon that she do like SYM
pathy better than anybody you ever seed,
an as I hain't got enough, I want you to
help me. Do you understand 2"
The traveller, declaring that he did un.
derstand, followed the old fellow into the
house. The woman, extremely fat, was
sitting on sort of bench, and the dent
ist stood over her vowing in soothing
tones that the next one wouldn't hurt at
all.
"How.are you gittin' along?" the hus-
band asked.
"Very we'll, indeed" the dentist an,
swered.
CHOW many have you snatched out?"
"Seven, and am about to begin on
the eighth"
"Do it hurt much, Mag?" the husband
asked.
"Oh, don't talk. It nearly kills me-"
"Wall, then, don't have no mo- pull
ed."
"Whatp she snapped; "have no mo-
pulled an let that preachers wife havo
better lookin' teeth than I've got Wall,
reckon not. She amt as good lookin'
as am, barin' the teeth, an / amt goin
to let her hold her head over me. Here,
now"-turning to the executioner-"tear
out another one."
The dentist soused his tongs into her
mouth, fumbIed around few moments,
braced his foot against the wall and surg.
ed. The woman shrieked and the tooth
came out. The husband, nudging the
traveller, reminded him, that it was time
that the bonds of sympathy were issued.
MADAM" said the traveller, stepping
forward and bowing to the woman, IT
1, that is, does it hurt you very much 7"
The woman lookeG at him for mo-
ment and then said: "Have you come
all the way from the place whar you have
come frum to show me whut fool you
air? Why, confound yo' ugly picture, |
oughter skelp you right here"
Madam, let me assure you that |
meant no harm"
sob, no, you haven't got sense enough
to mean nothin'. Why, I never saw sich
man in my life.
"If 1 have offended you, madam, l
humbly beg your pardon"
"What, you come here to make fun OF
me lest because don't want that preach
er's wife to hold her head above me.
Oh, you wretch Let me get at him"
She jumped up with surprising agility,
seized the traveller and jammed his head
against the wall with such force that a
foot square of plastering fell. The trav-
eler escaped, after hard struggle. and
ran away. He had not gone very far
when the old fellow whom he had just
left, climbed over fence and approach
ed.
IT wanted to see you agin, so I cut
through the woods to head you off," said
he.
"Well, I en- glad you did not bring
your wife with you.
"Oh, you neenter be fretted about that,
fur never take her nowhar if can hep
it. I Jest want to explain matters"
II don't care 80 much for an explana'
ton as I do for the directions you prom
ised me-"
Gall right. I'll give 'em to YOU"
After telling the traveller which way to
go, the old fellow said ~ reckon am
about the sharpest man in this cummu'
nifty"
"How so ?"
"Why, by gittin' you in thar to SYM
rathize with my wife,"
"But what good did that do you ?"
"Why, you see, l know'd that eff | got
you in thar an got you to say suthin'
foolish to her, it would take her mind
often me. If you hadn't went in she
woulder hoped on me jest as soon as she
got chance, but as you satisfied her ap-
petite she will let me alone for awhile.
Wall, am much obleeged to you"
81 am Head of the Family"
Sir John Swiuburne tells with much
gusto how, whenever he is introduced to
anyone, he is osked.: care you related
to the poet Algernon Swinburne 2" to
which he invariably replies, "Bless your