Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-03-03

very much on the balance in your favor
at the bank.
Thy words are false, and thus do
hurl them back into thy very teeth. Good.
They are false too.
! 1 loved you once, he said, in a reproach-
full tone. Well, she responded l don't
want the earth. Once is enough.
Writing poetry is recommended as a
mental exercise. You can get physical
exercise by attempting to read it to the
editor
Gilsey Gas he wades through a stray
mortar bed) -Greash Scott who'd tho't
-hic--it'd showed SO hard in thish-hic
| one spot!
In Chicago Balber.-IIow will you
have your hair cut? New Yorker-With-
out your abiding 10 the prob bile site of
the worlds fair.
His Honor-What made you steal this
gentieman's door mat: Prisuner-Shure,
yer honor. it said ''Welcomc" on it IN let
/ tiers as long rs your arm.
a young girl in Clinton was badly burn
ed popping com. This should teach girls
to let the young men do all the popping.
Mr.. john l.. Sullivan is proud. He
scorns engaging in prize fight for such
paltry sum As $4,000 Is not the bella
borer worthy of his hire?
knox Oh, I'm in no hurry to die I'm
|
Hicks - Until the Lord wants you?
Great Scott, do you mean to live forever?
Minnie-Mr. Blink actually proposed to
me last night l never was so surprised
in my life. You needn't have been. His
sole ambition is to be thought eccentric.
Every once in while some of our ex-
changes publish paragraph on Hot Wa
ter and Dyspepsia" If there is anything
that will keep a man in hot water, it is
dyspepsia.
She eagerly -Well, dearest, did you
speak to papa this morning? He-Yes, l
spoke to him. She (eXcitedly) What
did he say? He-He said, ''Good morn
ing"
No, madam, said the tramp, as she Of
fered him graham gem, l care not for
gaudy show. Take back your tawdry
bijou and give me the necklet of your
Christmas turkey.
PRODIGY hear you have been getting
married. Tooker - Yes. PRODIGY
Whom did you marry? Tooker-Miny
Jones, her mother, her step father and
two maiden aunts.
In what way would you prefer to travel
to eternity? asked the vigilance commit
tee who captured train robber. 1 sup
pose you'll make me take the neck strain,
he gloomily replied.
Cynical Old Doctor (tO young mother)
-YOn think there never was another baby
like yours, don't you? Young mother Gre
proachfully)-No, doctor, l don't think
SO; l know there never was.
household paper tells how "to get
grease out of white marble. If anybody
wants grease, it would seem as if an cas-
ier way would be to get it from the drip
ping pan after the roast beef is done.
Mr.. Fangle Cooking over the house he
has just moved intO)-I wonder who liv-
ep here last? Mrs. Fangle-I don't know,
but the lady was Christisn. How can
you tell? She left no rubbish in the cellar.
Better than Webster's.-I felt 50 ner-
vous, mamma, said little girl, referring
to an accident on the previous day. What |
do you mean by nervous, my dear? Why, |
mamma, it's just being in hurry all
over.
Excited Boy-Come on, quick! The |
ould man is batn the Ould woman again.
Police Justice-Why don't she come her
self if she wants to make a complaint, or |
have him arrested? Excited Boy She is |
too busy. She's got him down and is
bumpin' his head on the flure.
Two small boys were discussing the |
great wealth of the Vanderbits. Said
little Tom; s'pect they wear nice clothes.
Nice elothes answered Dick. L just
guess they do. Why, I'll bet Mrs. Van
derbilt washes dishes with a silk dress
on.