, 1890-02-02

HE SAW THAT l WAS RICHLY CLOTHED.
This is a bona fde document, and
shows not only a wonderful command Of
language and an artistic method Of word
painting, but illustrates also the fact thai
a Justice OF the peace often possesses Z
kind and gentle heart.
| once knew a Justice of the peace il
Chicago who was 80 tender hearted tina
he had to nerve himself up by calling t
his aid the demon rum. He had an Office
over a saloon and a dumb waiter with q
speaking tube to it. Before he could as,
sumo the courage necessary to pass judg.
ment, or even tax the costs, he bad to
tip the dumb waiter two or three times
in rapid succession. He died at lest, a
victim to his tender heart, and his last
words were: Why do you permit those
large heliotrope caterpillars, with green
stomachs and cold, wet feet, to roost in
my side whiskers2" He was a man of
deep research and a pleasing manner,
and during his last illness only bit his
vile once when his overwrought think
works had slipped a cog. While in his
right mind he was uniformly kind to his
family. and would not bite even the
meanest insect.
We were speaking after this of the in
c~reasing death rate and incidentally o.
the terrible boom in the undertaking.
business, when a quiet old gentleman
across the aisle said he was surprised L
notice that in some of the cities it wal
reported that the undertakers could no
keep up with the work or fill the order'
made on them.
There is no business on earth" he
said, that ought to be ready for at
aruanoy, 49,, a.... ~. A. .-l--
taking business. | used to be an under
taker myself, but reformed two years
ago and retired. | am able to live with
out it now, and am willing to state
that the death rate must increase a good
deal faster than it has before undertaking
need be hustled or crowded very much.
In the first place it would surprise
you to know how cheaply they can make
a coffin. I've known bereaved relative.
to paw for a handsomely fitted up and
thoroughly lined coffin, and get a pine
box with knot holes in it, lined with
futed confectioner's paper and covered
with cheap black cloth. | had stock in 9
coffin factory for three years. and we
could make one OF these receptacles aboul
as cheaply as you could a peach basket.
A coffin that is covered, as the most o.
thShh . hO"f IL q plCNlJ SuCdp dildlI Ut-
fore 1t gets its dress suit on, We used
lumber that couldn't be used anywhere
else, the knots were so large and liable &c
drop out. We, of course, knew the sizes
Of our customers, and so aimed to 30 ar
range it that if there was a large knol
hole we would work it on a large person
SO that he couldn't silt through on his
way to the grave.
'"Thara 10 q yary unn1 NroEt IN tbis
business indeed. and the deeper the grie.
OF the family the more you can sock it L
them on the price without being discoy
cred. Cremation was all that we eve,
were afraid of, That would have knocked
US all to pieces, and some day it will d,
1t too. The present methods are to,
tempting to the shrewd American under
taker.
I'VE got $50 tor a little white caske
once. 1t was marked Our Pet
hated myself for charging that price, 70
we cleared $40 on it, and | couldn't ca
my meals all day. | took it up to tn,
house wishing | could wear q mask lik,
other burglars who climb over a corpse o
two in order to get a few dollars. There
was white Grape on the door, and all wa
hushed about the house. People VIII,
passed walked on their toes, and hell
their own children a little tighter by tn,
hand until they got by, for fear tina
death himself might yet be lurking be
hind a tree box in the n~eighborhood.
well. | went back after I'd delivered
the casket, and next day | found that i
was for a little dog that had never beel
deodorized during his life. and who hat
not relented even in death.
His, mistress told me that he was
very talented dog and knew as much a
she did herself. Her bursting heart wa
still sore. and SO l did not contradic
her
l had an odd experience when last il
New York. and l will tell it because i
may interest others who have passet
through a similar one. l had been up t,
Harlem for the evening, addressing
large and spellbound audience of people
most of whom hung on my lips for quit,
a while. | had gone up town with friendi
who paid my elevated fare and babe N,
good night at One Hundred and Twenty
fifth street. l was in full evening dres.
and the fash of social success was on NJ
brow. While waiting for a South Ferry
train L took morning paper from my