Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-07-30

THE new sash craze for men may pos
sibly cause a pane in the stomach
LOaceU Courier.
WHEN the pedagogue whales the
urchins it is but natural that they should
blubber.-Richmond Recorder.
Now do the pumpkins, night and morn,
All stretch themselves quite laz1ly
The while the fields of waving corn
Are growing most a -maize-ingly
Chicago Post
EVEN the patent labor-saving, self
binding reaper goes against the gram
this hot weather. Binghumton Republic
can.
IT is natural for man who has been
disappointed in love to take to drink
they both make the world go round
EIneirG Gazette.
You cannot cure hams with hammer,
Nor measure dram with drama,
Stew plumbs with plumber
Do sums with a summer,
Nor yet shear ram with q hammer
Laurence american.
WILL1s-"Say, is Philadelphia the
quiet place they say it is? Wallace
at is! Why, man can hear his flesh
creep there any day. "-Detroit Free
Press.
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER = "NoW,
Johnnie, tell me what took all the snap
out of Samson?' Johnnie-"A home
made hair cut, ma am. y Yonkers States
man.
"WELL, Chappie, see you have been
out hunting" eyes, Dufey. a little
while" ibid you bag anything 2"
"Not thing, Chappie, but the knees of
these new pants. Exchange.
ALTHOUGH love her much, fear
don't regret missed her;
For | find hold more dear
Her young and pretty sister.
-Hdrpe''s Bazaar.
LORD NOODLES" Aw, | say, captain,
what is that land we see ovah there ?"
Captain-''That is America, my lord"
Lord Noodles-"Ye don't say I
thought America was larger country
than that. "-Harper's Bazdr.
''THE saloon is the door to hell"
roared the temperance orator, land it
alwayssstands wide open" Except on
Sunday" said hardened drinker; land
trance. "-Ieras Strings.
"BRowN is an awfully polite fellow"
els he? | never noticed it." "Why,
yes, | went to borrow an X of him yes
terdav and before left him he had Dor
rowed one of me- "-Horpor's Bazaar.
Mrs. GAzzAM-sAll through his
works Shakespeare shows his antipathy
to dogs"
Gazzam-"Yes, I remember he adj
vised throwing physic to them. The
B0stonidn.
''HE kills a bull a week." said the
news editor of a Spanish matador, "and
his salary is said to be 500 week"
81 kill dozen every night" growled
the proofreader, and / receive only
500"
"THEY say there's been dreadful &C
cldent at the county fair"
What happened %
GA lawyer stood up before the whole
crowd and shot off his mouth. "-NeU
York Sun.
STATISTICS show that after American
girls are married they give up chewing
they have exercise enough for their
mouths and jaws without it.-Philadel-
phia Times.
School TEACHER Johnny, what does
the word meter mean?" Johnny-'A
measure" School Teacher = "NoW,
Johnny, what do they measure with the
meter?'' Johnny-"Gas, electricity,
water and poetry" -Horper's Bazar.
Mr. FIGG-"What are you thinking
over, my dear?"
Mrs Figg-'I was just wondering
whether to cut off Tommy's curls or to
make him stop swearing. "-Terre Haatte
Express.
FIRST MosoUITo-''Did the President
veto your bill ?"
Second Mosquito-"Yes, only wished
to make slight draft on the surplus for
the department of the interior, but the
President shut me out. - Chicago Post.
OLD FOUNDER Ito Mr.. Fresh, who is
leaning suggestively over the vessels
side)-''Brace up, old man; your last
hour has not yet come"
Mr.. Fresh (dismally facetious) -"On
the contrary, all is up with me. "-Phila-
delphia Press.
"ARTHUR," began his wife one evening
ed me- Still, over your misdeeds [ will
throw the mantle Of charity"
"And | bet III have to pay as dear
for it as [ do for the rest of your
clothes. "-Fliege,ade BETTER.
Mr.. NEwGoLD building new house)
-"I'm goin' to have row of heads and
fggers all round the house; carved in
stone, SO they will stand out, you know"
Friend-"Oh, yes! in Bas relief"
Mr.. Newgold-'No! Where's your
ears? [ said stone !"-Light
PEOPLE will never be broken of the
bad haDlt or buying lois OF lottery tlck-
cts or of gambling in any form until
human nature is SO reconstructed that &
man will not feel so good over winning
S. that he will forget that it cost him $25
to get it.-Detroa Free Press.
"No, my man, this is not mine. l
was $40 bill / lost"
"But 1t was $40 bill before I got it
changed, sor."
"What did you get it changed for ?"
"Och, sure, SO the owner could con-
vayniently reward me, sor." Puck
Mrs GABB-" Matilda, let us go over
and see Mrs. Tattle to-day. She has
just discharged her servant and she'll
have something to talk about"
Matilda "Wouldn't it be better to
hire the girl? Then we'll have some
thing to talk about. Boston Transcript
HAYsEED taking his seat in photog-
rapher's chair)-"Wait minute. Don't
0,'