The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-06-06
/. 4 BOOK Agents II vsnss. 8


One year ago, while I was canvass
ing in Pleasant Prairie, I came to q
large, fine farm house. 1walksd up
and gave the door bell q vigorous
pull. The door was opened by q,
young girl as fresh aud pretty to
look ut as q new blown rose. I
bowed with the easy graceiulness Of
an accomplished book agent, an art
only attained by long and constant
practice, and greeted her with my
most bewitching smile. She kindly
invited me into the parlor, while her
two eyes beamed upon me like rays
of light shining through the windows
of heaven.
She seated herself upon the sofa
and 1, thinking "f.int heart never
Won fair lady," pulled out my pro-
spectus and took a sent by her side.
For one short happy hour l. talked
with that fair young maiden, when.
just as we were beginning to get
somewhat loving and confidential,
the door opened and siX-footed,
raw-boned. big-tooted young farmer
entered. He stared ut US in blank
amazement for a moment and then
ejaculated:
"Gal: what in thunder are you do
ing with that young man-Great
Scott! It's II book agent" he ended
abruptly, catching sight OF my pros
pectus.
"Sir," 1 said rising and politely
bowling, 81 have the honor oil intro
ducing to you work.
"And J." he broke in, starting for
me, "have the pleasure of kicking
you out of my house. You little
red-hcaded"-
/ did not wait to hear more. but
catching sight of tho size OF his boots,
/ grabbed my hat and started. just
as reached the door his foot caught
me like n young cyclone, and, helping
me over six steps, landed mo in the
midst of q thorn rose bush.
When crnwled out of that bush
l was us mad n piece OF humanity to
the square inch as ever existed; but
l smothered the raging volcano with.
in, arose and bowed politely.
"Madam," snid, turning to the
girl, who was standing on the door,
step laughing ut me, II beg your
pardon for my lasty exit. Necessity
compelled me to leave your sweet
presence n trifle more suddenly than
either politeness or inclination in
clined me to; but in the near future l
shall do myself the honor to call
again."
GAS for you, sir" l snid, address
ing the farmer, 1--WE two shall meet
again."
'Lct me catch your red head shin
ing in my yard again and l will kick
you all over the farm" was the
sweet good-by of the llorny-handed
son OF toll.
That night laid awake all night
meditating u dire and awful revenge,
and by morning | had my plans ali
made.
l had a piece OF thick sheet iron
made SO that it fitted snug and cozy
like to that part of my anatomy
which got kicked, then secured six
ounces OF dynamite and fastened it
carefully in an oil-lincd silk bag
about six inches square. This /
sewed on the inside of the seat of my
second best pants and my machine
OF vengeance was complete.
As | walked up to the door saw
the fnrmer drop his fork and take u
bee line from the bayfield, to the
house. The same girl answered the
ring of the door bell. She seemed
very much surprised to see me again,
but with n rosy blush on her cheeks
and n winsomc smile on her lips she
again invited me into the parlor.
She seated herself on the sofa and
invited me to do the same. l did
not dare to sit down, but Ibent for
ward, SO as togive the farmer a good
opportunity tor n square kick, seized
her hand and had just bcgunto MUIR
muir passionntely: II must look up
on your supremacy beautiful face
again, though the sun should fall
and the heavens should fall"
When-well, the heavens did not
fail, but the farmers foot did square
and fair upon that dynamite bag.
Great Scott! who would have thought
six ounces of dynamite could create
such u rumpus!
When picked myself out of q
strawpilc ten rods away, into which
had been fortunately thrown and
therefore not much hurt, saw the
farmer crawling out of II mud puddle
in the hog yard some fifteen rods
away and the girl hanging OH the
wire fence in the back yard.
81 bet that farmer don't kick an
other book agent" l muttered as
feared out.-Burlingtun Hawkeye.
How He Won the Jewel.