davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1890-02-21
PITH AND P0IN
A broken window hath no pane.

A broken window hath no pane
A great blowhard- late hurricane.
The thirsty circus clown is a dry
joker.
It's hard to get at the naked truthof
bear story.
People who live in glass houses are
liable to have shattered health.
Everything about rattlesnake keeps
cool in time of danger except its tail.
That gets ratified.
When the office seeks the man, you
can see its coat-tails stick right out to-
ward him-Puek.
Fish nature is something like human
nature. The whale blows too much to
be fighter.-Ne'o York Ee'es-
'.What struck you most in the equa-
torial regionsl" asked gentleman of
traveller. ''The sun, was the reply
Life.
Authors of flesh-producing systems find
it a paying business, for it enables them
to live on the fat of the land.-BaItimore
american.
Little Freddie Ito sisters caller-"It
must be awful nice to be a man. Don't
you wish you we're a man, Mr.. Nobranel"
-YGnkee Blade
He wooed her and sued her and sought her
Till he melted her heart so cold,
Then he married the iceman's daughter
And now he isrolling in gold.
Boston Courier.
There may be as big fish in the sea as
ever were caught, but we doubt very
much if there are any as big as those
claimed to have been caught.-States-
nan.
Ny Lucy's eyes
re summer skies
p "nene er 1000 light and CHEEKY
But wlfek she's sd.
The weatheris had
And all my skies are dark and drear
Chicago aid.
A paper In Memphis relates Sc of a
beautiful young lady, the hter of
wealthy parents, marrying editor.
That is as it should be- We ought all
along that American young laties would
eventually recover from the mania of
marrying Princes and aspire to the
nobility again.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1890-02-21

A ffty-year-old grapevine grows in
Germantown, Penn, on a trunk which
measures two feet and half round.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1890-02-21
wrrH AN Eye ro nusrNEss.

Downey-"say, what's the matter with
that watch?"
IeweIer-l.It needs cleaning
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1890-02-21

More than twenty-five tons Of paper
were used in printing the ballots for the
recent election in Massachusetts,,
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1890-02-21

When you're wheeling and sneezing,
And feel just like freezing;
And your eyes keep running,
In. a manner most stunning;
Your cough gets a showing,
And your nose gets a blowing;
And your voice is pitched low,
And sounds full of woe;
Folks give intimation,
And much information,
For full often you're told:
''Why, you've got bad coldF'
-Gooda[Ps Sun.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1890-02-21
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.

Reliable on-ArithmeticaI
She Was Ready for the Ques-
tion-Not TO Be Duplicated
Quite Appropriate, Etc.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
10 De tCntlnue0.
The Worlds First Wedding.

What a morning that was Of the
worlds first wedding! Sky without q
cloud. Atmosphere without a chill.
Foliage without a crumpled leaf.
Meadows without q thorn. Ii shall be
in church-the great temple OF the
world, sky-domed. mountain-pillared.
sapphire-roofed. The sparkling waters
Laf he Gihon-and the Hiddekel will
make the fouut OF the. temple. Larks,
robins and goldfnches will chant the
wedding march. Violet, lily and rose
burning incense in the morning sun.
Luxuriant vines sweeping their long
trails through the forest aisle-up-
bolstery of a spring morning. Wild
beasts standing outside the circle look.
ing on. like family servants from the
back door gazing upon the nuptials;
the eagle, king OF birds; the locust,
king of insects; the lion, king of beasts.
waiting. Carpet of grass like emerald
for the human pair to walk on. Hum
OF excitement, as there always is be-
fore a ceremony. Grass blades and
leaves whispering, and the birds a.
chatter, each to his mate. Hush, all
the clouds. Hush. all the birds. Hush,
the waters, for the king of the human
race advances. and his bride. Perfect
man. leading to the altar a perfect
woman. God. her father gives away
the bride, and angels are witnesses.
and tears of morning dew stand in the
blue eyes Of the violets. And Adam
takes the round hand. that has never
been worn with work or stung with
pain, into his W stout grasp and
SAYS: This is now bone of my bone
and flesh of my flesh" Tumults of JOY
break forth aud all the trees of the
wood clap their hands, and all the gal
leries of the forest sound with carol
and chirp and chant, and the circle Of
Edenic happiness is complete; for
while every quail hath answering quail,
and every fish answering fish, and
every fowl answering fowl. and every
beast of the forest a fit companion. at
last man, the immortal, has for a mate.
woman, the immortal.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS the LIST day
of June, in the year |, ADAM, the first
man, TO EVE, the first woman. High
Heaven oficiating.-T.. De Wit Tai.
mage, IN Ladies Home Journal
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
THE LOVELY WOMEN
Matter Prepared Expressly fol
Their Dedication.
About the Fashionable Bathing Suit
"A Pretty Girls Fad-Night
Gowns on the Streets.

A great deal of unmitigated nonsense
Is read and written about the American
girl and the fashionable bathing suit,
says the New York World. During the
last fortnight possibly a thousand bath
ers and bathing costumes have been
seen along the Jersey and Long Island
beaches, and in no instance mas any
thing been found TO justify the cuts and
paragraphs with which the eastern
woman has beer traduced. Sensations
may be in preparation, but so far none
have developed, and with the exception
II Coney island there is no beach about
New York where any display is made of
personal charms. Here the holden ele-
ment can always be found, but for the
one girl in a short-sleeved, low-cut
bodice and knee-deep skirt. there are
500 women taking their ocean dip
in q big straw hat muffled up TO the
chin In blue flannel, with a long, full
skirt n black sandal shoes AND stock
ings. Among the fashionables at Long
Branch the ~reigning beauties are least
in the surf. They have sense enough TO
keep out of the hot sun When they do
batho IL Is in the shade OF the evening
or in the o o OF the morning, and then
less than fifteen minutes is spent in the
surf. For the most part these bellies or
heiresses wear black Or navy blue fan
mel, made high neck, with q turn up
collar hat will reach TO the ears il
needed, and long sleeves with cuffs that
pull down over half the hands in place
OF bathing mitts. A big harvest bat OF
plated straw, with cork soled stockings
complete the aquatic outfit. TO be sure,
there are red silk stockings, but one
only sees them in print, and as for the
decollette bodice or blouse, IL Is all a
myth.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
How Women Can Dress Well.

There is no reason in the world why
anybody should have an unbecomiue
costume this season. In fabrics and 10
colors all sorts and conditions OF
women r catered to. and all tones,
from the faintest to the deepest, are
deity wrought out so that the particu-
lar shade, that the wise woman iinds
becoming TO her. can be gotten with.
out any trouble. There are plain
colors for a woman who likes stuffs
that are not conspicuous. There are
spots big and little. plaids bias and
straight, and stripes of all WIDTHS and
kinds. Be a little careful in choosing
your colors, and remember, that be-
cause somebody tells you how well you
look in q costume of navy blue you
must not conclude that every blue
shade is suited to you, for that ex-
tremely trying, but very beautiful. n
known rs army, makes the average
woman's complexion look as yellow as
q lemon. Because scarlet makes your
hair look warmer and gives a deeper
color to your eyes. il does not follow
that magenta Is suited TO you. General
rules do not apply TO women who are
nothing II not individual. Somebody
says that small bonnets are universally
becoming. and you, whose face Is
rather broad. whose nose is a bit
refronsse. put n ON and believe you
look we'll A bonnet more than any
thing else. needs to be tried on, and al.
though one may gc~neralize and saw
bennets are ladylike II Gun no more be
asserted that bonnets are always
becoming than il could be that all
women are good figures. So just think
out things before you choose them
Mrs. Maiion, IN Ladies Home Journal
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
GRABBED HIS DEAD CHILD.
The Terrible sccnes That Followed
Wake In San Franctsco.

The Terrible sccnes That Followed q
Wake In san Francisco.
Late the other night Patrick Gordon
and s. j. Smith, residents Of Cory
street, Allegheny, we're arrested by Off
Ger Kelch on a charge of disorderly con.
duct, says a San Francisco special to
the New York Morning Journal. II
appears that one Of the children OF
Patrick Gordon died yesterday after.
noon and the father, wishing to observe
an ancient custom had the dead child
removed TO the opposite side of the
street, the object being to leave the
Gordon house free so that q wake OF
celebration could be held.
A supply of beer was laid in and the
father and party Of friends assembled
in the Gordon house and proceeded TO
d rown their grief in a flow of beer.
During the early part OF the night Mr..
Gordon. who was said to be intoxicated,
concluded that he would have the dead
child back in his own house. The
father, acting upon the thought, started
for the neighbours, claimed the body and
insisted that it should 10 removed
across the street to his residence.
The neighbors. seeing that the father
was intoxicated, refused to allow him to
take the child's body, but tho father in.
sisted and picking up the corpse started
home with it.
Some friends interfered and took the
body away from the man, and during
the argument which followed the body
OF the lead child passed and repassed
across the street halt a dozen times.
About this time Officer kelch ap-
peared on the Gene and placed the
father and n OF the bystanders named
A. j. Smith under arrest. The body OF
the dead child was sent back to the
neighbor's house, where peace and
quiet reigned.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
Sent BOY.

A lady walking along q street came
upon 4 little girl wheeling q baby car
rage. What . beautiful babyl' ex-
claimed the lady as she discovered A
pink face done up in a cream-colored
shawl. Whose child Is it?"
.'Mine," the little girl answered.
.Oh, you mean that IL is your little
brother or sister"
'No, | lean hat he is Eot my brother,
but is mine-my child"
"You are . very young mother"
II amt no mother"
Then why should you say that the
baby is yours?" the lady m~ischievously
asked.
cause God sent IL to me. My mamma
asked me IL ! didn't want q little baby
in the house AMI said yes. an she said
II i prayed for M God would send il,
nm then ! said / would pray for . little
sister, cAuse / like girls better than
boys, but mamma said I'd Just better
pray for any kind hat God was q mind
to send. but / didn't; l prayed for q lit
tie girl. but God took an Sent a boy
anyway, an'I guess IL was because he
didn't have any girls on hand. Then I
said ! would pray TO God TO send = little
girl as o ~ be could an IL made papa
laugh, an he said that | neenter put
myself " Any trouble on that account
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
A Pretty GIRLS Pretty Fad.

An extremely pretty girl, who is a
faithful attendant at the philharmonic
in winter rarely misses a summer con-
cert OF any merit, has of late carried a
fan that attracts a good deal OF atten-
ton, says the illustrated American. 1t
Is one of those Japanese affairs, with
the paper a rough greenish gray, decor
ated in black characters. On each
panel the owner has transferred a cabi-
net-sized photograph Of oneof the great
est composers. First removing the
picture from the card on which 1t was
originally mounted, she has neatly
pasted IL upon the fan. En-
cravings have served when photos were
unobtainable, and, using both sides of
the fan, she has found space for four
teen portraits. Some deft pen and ink
work has answered 10 frame the
heads, and below each one is a
bar of music from the authors
greatest work and executed with so
much finish that a genuine little treas
man is almost as much OF an enthusiast
regarding painters, poets and actors as
where the art Of music is concerned.
She tells OF three other fans in her pos
session, treated in like tanner. One
has photographs of Tennyson, Brown
ing, Longfellow and Bryant with etch-
ings of Byron, Shakespeare, Herrick,
Sir John Sucking, De Mussett, Dante
and Swinburne-a thorough mixture OF
nationalities and generations. Below
is the single couplet for each one, that
she considered, after much thought, to
be the most perfect of their compost.
tons. This collection has been a source
of interest TO its owner, has not cost
/ cents outlay in money, bnt several
years OF painstaking effort from time TO
time that renders each fan Of distinct
value.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

Women are not slow to
comprehend. They're quick.
They're alive, and yet it was
a man who discovered the one
remedy for their PeeaAar all
ments.
The man was DR.. Pierce.
The discovery was his Fa-
vorite Prescription the boon
to delicate women.
Why go round with one
foot in the grave" suffering in
there's a remedy at hand that
isn't an experiment, but which
is sold under the guarantee
that if you are disappointed
in any way in it, you can get
your money back by applying
to its makers.
We can hardly imagine a
woman's not trying it. Pos
sibly it may be true of one
or two-but we doubt it.
Women are ripe for it.
They must have it. Think
of a prescription and nine out
of ten waiting for it. Garry
the news to them
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
Night Gowns on the streets.

The term night gowns is used in very
old documents. As, for instance, in
l543, Richard Redman, of England,
leaves to his brother, lone night gowne
OF Mockeado, one pair Of howse of the
same" A curious fashion OF the public
wearing of night gowns in England is
recounted in Walkers Historical
Memoirs (l66l) Of the Irish Bar"
Among many other ridiculous fashions
that prevail in this country since the
reign Of Queen Anne is hat OF the la
dies wearing bed gowns in the streets
about forty years ago" The cannaille
of Dublin were so disgruntled with this
fashion, or perhaps being SO prejadicial
to trade, that they tried every exped.-
mt to abolish They insulted in the
streets and pu. C places those ladies
who complied with it, and ridiculed 1T
in ballads, but the only oxpedient that
proved effectual was to prevail on an
unfortunate female, who had been con-
demned for a murder, to appear at the
place Of execution in a bed gown.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
You may sing Of the beauty OF springtin

You may sing Of the beauty OF springtimc
That glows on the cheek of the young,
But | sing Of a beauty tia 5 rarer
Than any Of which you have sung.
The beauty hats seen in the faces
OF women whose summer is Ger.
tn autumn-like beauty that charms Us
Far more than the beauty Of yore.
But this beauty 10 seen too rarely. The
faces Of most women lose the beauty Of
youth too soon Female d sorders are
Ike frosts which come 10 nip the Towers
which betoken gooi health, without which
there can be no real beauty. IL our Amer
lean women would fortify themselves
against the approach of the terrible dis
o ders 90 prevalent among them, by using
DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription, their
good looks would he retained to n ''swee.
old age" This remedy Is a guaranteed
cure To- oil the DISTRESSING weaknesses md
derangements peculiar 10 women.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
Women

Modern historians d~istrust the stories
Of the Roman poisoner Locusta, and OF
the women who in italy sold aqua
tofana as the best means Of satisfying
jealousy or hate or greed, but the Hun
garian tribunals are trying q case
which makes all these legends possible,
says the spectator. No less than ten
women in the town Of M~itroyitz are
charged with poisoning their husbands
with arsenic obtained from fly papers,
and they are only a section of the
women originally arrested or sus-
pected. They were all apparently
taught by O single woman. Esther
Sarac, . local witch or herb
alist who deliberately instructed one
disciple and probably many more. The
.poisonings, some sixty in number. were
done with little p~rocaution and cover a
space OF than ten years, during
all which time a vague suspicion has
been floating about. The evidence
against the women under trial Is said
to be overwhelming, and most of them
have saved trouble by pleading guilty.
They are all peasants and probably of a
lations throw . strange hight on the
true value Of much modern progress. "
In Hungary, 1T all events, it does not
prevent epidemics Of crime, though no
doubt the improvement Of chemical
analysis helps the authorities in detect
ing and Furnishing crime.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
THE WORLD OF LABOR.

C0N
conceded nine hours and ten hours pay.
WinAefs In . West New York IN. J.)
silk mil struck against IL cents a
pound
The st. Paul unions nave found the
i~ife-savsrs on boats there almost USE
less.
In England an electric brake stops a
train going thirty miles an hour in 200
feet
A Brooklyn cigarmakers' union got
100 new members one night last week.
Miners near Birmingham, Ala struck
against . cut Of a3K per cent.
One Brooklyn union will fine every
man s5 not parading on labor day.
They talk Of q pipe line for oil from
Bsku TO Bstoum. Russia, 4s7 miles
Professor Ennor addressed the San
Francisco engineers on electricity.
A new workman's free school has been
ope ned At Morrisania, n. Y.
Pittsburg moulders talk OF striking
for min hours and ten hours pay.
Electric car drivers at Dayton, o.,
struck for o. and twelve hours.
Detroit pressmen were the guests of
the Cleveland union last week.
At Aberdeen it is a criminal ofiense
for a cabman TO smoke a pipe.
Silk workers at Guttenburg, n. j.,
make from ~ 70 % = week.
At Cincinnati all but two foundries
have granted the strikers demands.
Bench hhnds get s14.5O and machine
moulders s16. 80.
Glass and iron works shut down for
the summer are resuming.
New York police are 10 arrest boys
under 1e using tobacco.
China has only one railroad. 1t is
eighty-one miles long.
In some parts OF Missouri butter is 6
and 8 cents a pound.
Milwaukee Poles will erect a monu-
ment to Kosciusko.
Pattern makers will demand eight
hours on March /.
Evansville, Ind, collar makers struck
over apprentices.
Southern marble is crowding tho
northern article.
A 400, OO0-acre Texas ranch pastures
800, 900 sheep.
San Francisco will have a cooperative
bakery.
Japan has twenty-nine cotton spin.
ming mills.
Mrs. Terry's 3-year-old baby is worth
ESQ, 600, 900.
New York has a German stonecutters'
club.
The Hoosic tunnel is our longes.-4A
miles.
Brooklyn has a Japanese union
printer.
Paterson, N. j., union stores close at
81. m.
Forest City, Ia, is TO have a fax pa
ace.
DR.. McGlynn lectured at San Fran
cisco.
England eats butter from Den
mark.
Lawrence Barrett was a drygoods
clerk.
New York newsboys had an excur-
sion.
Mrs. Hetty Green is worth 10000
600.
South Australia has 35,O 900 Germans.
Labor day preparations everywhere.
Baltimore Gardeners club picnicked.
St Paul city hands work eight hours.
Pittsburg plasterers struck for 81. so.
The south's rice crop promises well.
Detroit iurymen struck for SO a day.
Germany eats California peaches.
Melbourne, Vic, has 10, 600 idle.
Chicago harness makers won.
Indiana farmers raise frogs.
Omsha pressmen picnicked.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

The seat of sick headache
is not in the -Rcgu-
late the stomach and YOU
cure it. DR.. Pierce's Pellets
are the Little Regulators.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
Its Excellent Qualities

Commend 70 public approval the Californis
liquid fruit remedy. Syrup Of Figs. 1t lie
pleasing TO the eye and to the taste, and By
gently acting on the kidneys. liver ane
bowels. It cleanses the system effcotually
thereby promoting the health and comfor
OF ali who use n.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

His this Colonel H'Ingersollf" asked
the eockney. AT your service, y returned
the colonel. Permit me to hsrsk you
colonel. Don't GU believe there's a hell ir
in the halpl aOett'
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

Why do ministers always take
The hottest days on which to make
Sermons forty minutes long,
Perhaps my reveries are wrong,
But why do all the fies in town
Settle on my polished crownt
And then why do the flies all think
Ny heads mennt for n skating rink
Wig, o why
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

HALLS CATARRH CURE Is a liquid
and 10 taken internally, and acts directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces Of the
system. Send for testimonials free. Sold
by Druggists, 15c.
+. j.. CHENEY g. CO, Proprie.ors,
Toladn n.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
HOG CHOLERA!

in 1859 there were nifty million hogs in the Tn ted
states. II is estimated thst 100000 dc annually
from the hog plague. huch Of she risk attending
hos raising is overcome by The use ~ the German
Medicated Stock fOCd. Nj. g.. NJ. Davis, Lyons,
Nebraska have used the German Npdfratcl
stock Food for shoats after they we're taken with
hog c.o'cra. ] had lost thirteen oct % twenty
three before feeding your food. After feeding n [
lost but one, though Ave were very sick Now they
are hearty and doing we'll vs.. W. PARK, ". D.,
linton Center. BL.:-"Aftcr a thorough and careful
irihl n the German Moderated Stock Food with
Sex hogs, ihnyc no h~csitarcy ia prom ,urcinr 80 q
ncritcrious article. recommend IL FOR hogs Hnl
have no doubt Il. Is equally as gcc4 FOR Ell kinds OF
stock" Ask your druggist or dea er f0r IL. .+-.
car for Voc. Very rhcap N kegs and barrels. Sr9d
for prices and "Hcg TO cure Hog { holcra," free.
German Medicine Co, nbcApolis. MINI.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

-"You must be as quiet as possible to-
night, Johnny said his mother, "for we
are TO have the minister for supper
Have him for supper, ehi Well, ! hope
he'll taste good.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

Revivalist Ito old Kaintuck)-"Don't
you want to go to heaven my dear friend ~
mo, sab" what Don't you want 20
60 to heavenj Tell me why "'Cause a
feller'd have 20 die fore he could &C. an
by gosh, 1 don't want to DIE
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

More diseases are produced by using
brown and p~erfumed scars than by any
thing else. Why run such terrible risk
when you know Dobbins' Electric SOAP
pure and perfect. Dobbins' preven,
hands n. m ehapping.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06
The "PannIer'AgaIn.

An attempt is being made Il revive
the heavy drapery on the hips which
was once worn and known as panniers.
says the Pail Mall Budget Some
women like the idea, because their
waists don't appear small enough with
Q straightly N gown. Enlarging the
hip brings out the waist by contrast,
with tbs effect that the latter looks
smaller than 1t really Ia hut such
things ~ pannicrs are to DO discouraged.
They are an example of the style OF
dress that would make . woman .
clothes line-a thing merely to carry
drapery. Clothes were made for women;
not ONE for clothes. Besides. the
carrying of % much unnecessary mate
rial ON the hips is very unhealthy.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-09-06

DR. BULLS Worm Dcstroyers are not now
and untricd. For Thirty years they have
stood the test OF usage. and their large sale
10 due TO merit only.