News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1890-03-20
TALK OF THE DAY.

~
Landlady-"How do you like your
eggs?" Fresh"
The peal of banana has a falling
infection. -YonKers Gazette.
The squirrel seeks a warmer climb
by going to the sunny side OF tree.
An engagement is a delicate thing.
You can't drop one without breaking.
The man with strong mind who is
asked to mind the baby generally
doesn't mind it.
The true humorist never smiles
that is, unless somebody else pays for
it.
1t is not we'll for stranger to go
alone to bank when he wishes to get
loan.
The Washington Star thinks it is
Glove and liquor that makes the world
go round"
After the proposal-And do you love
him, childP Love him, mammal I've
seen his bank book.
While the true American does not
believe in king he will bet his last
cent on four of them.
The less a pair of lovers have to
say, when sitting up o. nights, the
longer it takes them to say it.
Two of the wealthiest men in the
west are said to have been messenger
boys. 1t pays to go slow, after all.
People who are perpetually preach
ing that honesty is the best policy do
not always keep their policies paid up.
THE plot thickens," as Fogg re-
marked when he sank ankle deep in
the mud on the site of his late kitchen
garden.
Teacher: james had sixteen ap-
Piles and ate fifteen" Small boy in men,
tai arithmetic: "How in thunder did
he do tips
Dignity is a good thing; but if
you're,in the rear OF 80 "a. md
wish to see the procession, don't stand
on it. Get on a barrel.-Puck.
An item on etiquette says: '.Do not
smack your lips at the dinner table"
1t might have added that it is net de
rlgueur to smack other peoples lips
there, either.
Little Miss Fanny: 81 say, Bob,
can you tell me what a widower lisp"
Master Bob Gagged 81: Don't know,
Fanny, unless it's the husband of a
widow. Judge.
Minister Ito choir leader)-"I see
you have dispensed with Mr.. Deep
tones services" Choir leader-''Yes,
sir; thought change of base desir-
able. "-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Prisoner at the bur-" said North
Dakota judge, 'your offense deserves
to be punished by the state with a
term of ten years in prison; but as the
state is very hard up at present l will
give you only five years"
An American editor incautiously
signed his name to typewriter testl-
monial, in which he says: your type
writer is splendid companion for a
busy editor" The decree for divorce
has not been granted, but it is pending.
Boss-"This makes the third day
now that you haven't shined my
shoes" Cufy-''Dar's no blackin' in
de house. sah." "Why didn't you tell
me beforeP" "Bekase l was afreed
you mout buy box. Texas Siftings.
Mean business man Seems to me
you take a good while for lunch.
You've been gone an hour and a half,
and yet restaurants are as thick
as hops about here. Poorl y-paid
clerk-I was hunting for place
within my eans.-New York Weekly.
The peacemaker: Don't you know
it is very wrong to fight, little boy?
What does the good book sayPn Tom
my (who has just polished off the class
bully): | dunno. / amt read it no
further than David an Gerlire.
Puck.
Little sister: MA wants you, Sam
my. Where have you beenP' Sammy:
''Fishin'." Little sister: ''Did you
catch anything?" Sammy (sadly):
''Nothin't all" Little sister (reassur-
ingly): "Oh, but you will when you
get home"
Landlord 'Sir, 1 to you come, no.
tice to give, that you have not me paid
for six months penny. or that l not
word will say, but you are TO my
wife love-making, and that must i'm
mediately to an end come next month";"
German Wit.
One day Ernest had been seriously
lectured by his mother, and finally
sent to the yard to find a switch with
which he was to be punished. He re-
tuned soon and said: 81 couldn't find
any switch, mamma; but here's stone
you may throw at me"
Sunday school teacher-"Now tell
me what the Epistles arep" First
scholar-'I dunno" Second scholar
"a does" Teacher -"Well, John
ny, what are the Epistlesp" Second
scholar-"The Epistles are the wives
of the Apostles. America.
Anxious Wife-Doctor, how is nv
husband? Doctor-He will come
around all right What he needs now
is quiet. have here a couple of OPT
ates. when shall l give them to
himP' 'Give them to him? They
are for you, madame. Your husband
needs rest"
A man will trust his friend with his
family happiness, his honor, life itself,
but when he sits down to a game of
poker with the same friend he'll watch
him-well, if you've ever played poker
you know all about it; if you haven't
1T isn't necessary that you should
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Minnie: 81 had such a shock last
evening. just as I started to go into
the house a great, horrid man jumped
out from behind a tree and tried to
kiss me. What do you think of that?"
Mamie: 81 think it. is the most cause
less and uncalled-for thing l ever
heard of"-TerYa Haute Express.
The appearance of an article in the