The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-05-13
BILL NYE'S LETTER.
Goes to Sea, After Having Attended a
Chinese Theatrical Performance.
The Voyage Rendered Interesting By the
Presence of a Storm, q Practical Joker
and O. School of Whales.

Presence of q Storm, q Practical Joker
and a School of Whales.
copyright, 1890, by Edgar VI. Nye
At Marysville, Cal, I attended the
Chinese theatre. I did not enjoy it very
much. The building was quite plain on
the inside, the seats having been vOlup-
tuously fashioned from fence boards. The
play itself I Judged was n of love and
crime. Especially crime. Three actors
and two actresses, all of the same sex,
however, took part in the play. The
Chinese language is very difficult for me
to understand, unless I pay very close
attention. Once I was obliged to telthe
comedian to speak a little louder.
There are several thousand characters
in the Chinese. They have almost every
kind of character except what is known
as the moral character. The Chinese
were on the eve Of a big celebration in
honor of the erection of the Joss house.
They invited me to participate, but I told
them that | had never made a profession
of religion and / did not think it would
be proper. So they excused me.
We took the sleeper on the Central
Pacific Railroad for San Francisco; and
were Just IN time to catch the steamer
State of California for Portland. Out
through the Golden Gate on a glorious
morning at 10 o'clock we steamed softly
away, as the poet says Oakland and Mob
Bill, and Goat Island, and Telegraph Hill,
and Lone Mountain, and the Cliff House,
and Sutro Heights, n by n faded
away. The croupy baying of the sea-
lions grew more i~ndistinct, the asthmatic
engine quickened it's stroke, and we were
abroad on the heaving chest of the Pacific.
Large focks Of sea gullS, poised on
graceful wing, followed us far out to sea.
The gull is not a very pretty bird, neither
much ease and grace, but his song re-
minds me of the remark made by IN aged
horse / Once owned, who had formed the
unfortunate habit Of ~cribbing. The gull
is a good roadster, but his voice needs a
little machine oil on the second joint. He
pursues a ship on t~ireless wing for days
at a time, taking anything that may be
offered by kind friends, always giving a
grateful creak in return. His ambitions
are not praiseworthy, however, and his
aspirations are offal.
On the way out Of the bay I saw our
old friend, the practical joker. He had
been with US several days on the cars and
at hotels. He was getting some more
jokes ready for the voyage. God did not
see fit to shower any brains on him, but
after completing the flea and pronouncing
him good, the practical joker was pro-
diced from the shavings and debris left
over on the completion of the flea.
Some got out their glasses, and others
their summer literature, and ONE their
lunches, but most every one went below
to diveSt himself of what is known as the
California flea. The California flea does
not differ from the American flea, except
that he is a trife darker on the stomach,
and is also the hopeless victim of insom-
MIA. His motto is We never sleep,
nor allow anybody else to do So" Also,
" We do not die in the house."
This little insect is what might be
termed a tuft hunter. He seeks out the
great and the eminent Of all ages and al
chimes. He associates with his superiors
with as little embarrassment as a member
way Of attracting attention to himself
which must arouse the envy and admira-
ton of Dennis Kearney.
He began life by jerking the chair out
from benesth his old blind grandmother
and laughing immoderately when she
broke her neck. He then advanced rap.
idly in hellishness, doing this same trick
for the pastor whilst the latter temporarily
stood up at the table in order more deity
to stab Il hot, saleratus biscuit. The boy
now began to try more difficult Jobs, anC
soon coal oiled a st. Bernard dog. Then
lighting him, he turned him loose in
primary school for the blind, where hi
succeeded in burning up quite a numbe
Of child EN-, whilst his own eyes twirkleC
with merriment.
Oh, he just dubbed over with thi
roguish spirit Of gentle fun.
We'll, he was on board. | did not Ike
him very much, for he had stuffed my
pipeStem full of paper once, and, though
[ got it out in half the time it took to pu
it in, | have no patience with a large, full
grown man with whiSkers, who has moth
ing better to do than to study out prac
teal jokes which would disgrace a reform
school and shock a "Siwash' Indian.
On the second day, while he was slim
ulating himself, preparatory to having
thought as he was led to believe, a gian
O4AAO I a. hCO1J I4C CUppSIS Ou ILL
lee bow. The ship keeled over till tn,
salt spray rolled down the smokestack
and then seemed to hesitate a full minut,
ere she righted her herself before tn
public, and then went over as far en- tn
other side. [ had never taken any interes
in this practical Joker, and had no curios
ity whatever about his habits of life O
diet. I did not care a cent what he at
and I always believe in people s~electin.
such food as best agrees with them.
do not know yet how be got it into hi
head that [ felt any interest in his pas
, and yet he went on to show me at som
length his notions about diet, furnishin
a suitable style of gesture ever and amor
which would have commanded my sym
=. pathy if he had been a human being.
How much better it is to leave our re
, venge in the hands of a higher power
: How much better it will be attended t.
and how much time it gives us in whic
; to mind our own busineSsI That vOTn