The Opelousas courier., 1890-04-12
HUMOR OF I'll DAY.

Msers ought to be large buyers OF chest
protectors.
Wicked sinners are a direct tax on the
truly good.-P9oyune.'
Kind words are like bald heads, they
Fan never dye.-Sytiags.
The sick man wants a constitutional
Observation-Disclosures 1ro0eSr.
If 0 should happen to want your ears
pierced, just pinch the baby'-ls10'
Sytings. i,
The family stovepipe was never meant
for a pipe of peace.-B'ngh0"''o" hS-
publican.
Married life is not all thorns. You
| strike q nettle once in a while.-Phat0-
delphia Inquirer.
Evergreen trees are the dudes OF the
forest. They make the sprucest bougns.
Rome Sentinel.
If a young woman's disposition Is gun
powder, the sparks should be kept away
from her.-Ihe Ledger.
"What is a laundry, mother" 1T Is
a place, my child, where your father n,
sends his shirts to be torn into Tlbbons.
-Boston Gazette.
s.Is it q crime to be a woman" SAID
! the pretty agitator. eff it is, it's a very
capital crime" rejoined a gallant audi"
tor.-Munsey's Weekly.
Jimpson-"Did you ever have suit
brought against you2" Jampson-"No'
but I've had many a bill for suit brought
against me. "-Lowrence American.
Observation-Disclosures did you and
Smith talk about?" "About fifteen
minutes" II mean, what did you talk
overt" "The telephone" Rarper's
Ras0r.
A lecturer is out with the subject,
"The Coming Man and What We owe
Him." The coming man is the collector,
and he is after what people owe him
Picayune.
Allow is your grandfather com
ing out?" B.-"My grandfather ne
, has been dead over a year and a half
A.-"Ah, that explains why l see him
so seldom of ate."-Teras Sytsngs.
In the summer. it is pleasant
Meath the moonlight pale, to stroll;
Now it strikes me I would rather
Stay in doors, and kisses gather,
While we burn her fathers coal.
-Kenrnev Enterprise.
Young Mrs. Newbride never told but
one of her feminine acquaintance that
she returned the skinner Indignantly ia
the store from which it was ordered be-
cause when it came she found. that it wa
full of holes.-SomerUlM Journal.
George-'sThe ring doesn't seem t.
fit very well, Clara. Hadn't I better
take it back and have it made smaller2'
Clara-''No, George; an engagement
ring is an engagement ring, even II
have to wear it around my neck
Judge.
"Lizzie," remarked Sir Walter Raleigh
to the Queen, s'wherein d. a mans sin
resemble a bill collector7" 'In good
truth I know not" replied her Majesty
"Wherein do they?' ''In their pro
pensity for finding him OUT" quoth si
Walter.-Munsey's Weekly.
"Master Charlie, you are to 60 home a
d &c. If you stay out a moment longe
you will be punished" "Was it mon
or pop who said l should be punisheds'
"Your mamma" "I'll be home in al
hour or 80. A fellow can take care o
himself, / guess, when he's ten."-PhIa
dslptdG Society.
Gentleman Ito young LADY, from Rich
mond, On the cars)-''Beg pardon, bu
/ am a physician. Your companion i
very pale. Is she seriously afecteda'
Young Lady-''Painfully SO, I assur
you" IAN aneurism, perhapsa" "No
/ think his name is Arthur JONES'
Richmond Recorder.
A correspondent writes to ask
conundrum. He says: "What is tn
difference between a pair of suspender
and a bread knife9" We give up tn
conundrum and recommend that, if tn
correspondent really wishes to learn tn
difference, he essay to cut bread with
pair Of suspenders and try to keep hi