Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-05-02
THE GREATEST BORE ON EARTH.
That Is What a London Cotemporar
Calls Our Own Phineas T. Barnum.

Mr.. Phineas T. Barnum still fingers
within Il shores, reluctant to tear him
self from the embrace of his admirers.
His menagerie has been removed in the
Frrnessia, never, we humbly trust, to
he again seen or mentioned on this side
the broad Atlantic. Mr.. Barnum has
| Enthusiastically taken his leave some
time before taking his departure, in a
letter which it would be difficult to
match for taste and style. 1t is headed
aBarnum's Farewell" It is dated "this
18th day of February, $780," it speaks
of "my greatest show on earth
and it concludes as follows: Il
thus address the world through the
medium of the latest wonderful inven-
tion-Edison's phonograph-so that my
voice, like my great show, will reach
future generations, and be heard cen
turies after Ihave joined the great and,
as I believe. happy majority" A ma
thematician has. We believe, lately cal
culated that the dead are the minority
after all-such is the rapid growth of
population. We can not pretend to
follow this ingenious speculation. But
we may venture to pronounce those
happy who have not yet made the ac-
qu%aintance Of Mr.. Barnum, OF. his show,
or his advertisements, or his stories, or
his hosts, or his guests, or anything that
is his. The phrase against which a
mathematical assault has been made
was not, as Mr.. Chamberlain supposes,
invented by the late Mr.. Bright, or even
by his friend MI. Golden.
Now that MIR. Barnum has adopted it,
its long career may fifty close, as os-
tracism closed with Hyperbolus and
construction by Blue-book with Mr..
Biggar. 1t does not appear that the
United States are weeping for MI. Bar
mum or refuse to be comforted because
he is not in them. The American peo-
pie have not even, so far as appears, in
timated any imperative desire that his
visit to England should be curtailed.
Perhaps they are stated with the num-
Der Of biggest things on earth which
have successfully passed before their
jaded eyes. Pehaps they are willing to
wait for the lapse Of centuries, when
scientific enthusiasts will listen with
ecstasy to the voice of Barnum. 1t may
be that they would even suffer his re-
mains to repose in an English church
yard without raising an international
difficulty. The decadence of Europe is
suitable to the Snowman, who must be
more or less out of place where nature
is herself in the business. 1t is not easy
to disfigure London, but MIR. Barnum,
with his wonderful a%suteness, has over
come all obstacles, and intensified the
normal ~hideousness of the boarding. 1t
is appalling to reflect that his counter
ance has gazed upon us for more than
fourteen weeks, and has caused both
kinds of mustard to be alike forgot
ten.
We do not grudge MI. Barnum his
pecuniary success. On the contrary,
we conceive that to be his appropriate
reward. He furnished amusement Of
the most harmless sort for many thou
sands Of children, and if people We're
morbid enough to inspect his mon
strosities, they have only themselves to
thank if they had the decency to be
disguised. But if it were practicable.
it would be advantageous for this ma
ton to acquire or resume some sense of
dignity. Great Britain is open to all
the world. Either Mr.. Barnum Or any
other self-advertising tradesman is free
to come and go as he pleases. It is
quite necessary hat his arrival should
be celebrated by public rejoicing and
festivities, as if he were the President,
or a ley American Minister, or an old
American author? Must peers and
members of Parliament dance attend
onaa ,,pcn tho nro,,rio{o,. Of = o;,o,,c ~
write long and eloquent letters OF
apology for not dining with him? Hav-
ing rushed into the arms of Buffalo Bill,
we were, perhaps, bound to show our
fairness and consistency by efusively
embracing Phineas T. Barnum. Per.
haps we may now pause, draw the line,
recover our composure, and not again
make ourselves the la%ughing-stock OF
educated foreigners.
Barnum has been described by @
Jealous and geological reporter, who
must have forgotten his Gladstone as
we'll as his grammar, as "the most won.
derful of the octogenaria Of the age.
When 1.-The most wonderful specimen
of this botanic class returns to his native
land, he will not be accompanied from
his ship by admiring crowds, nor vii.
he be entertained by the culture O.
Boston, or ever the wealth OF New
York. His arrival will excite just a:
much or just as little enthusiasm as Mr.
Pepper excited here on his return from
Australia the other day. We do no
add to our reputation abroad by thi!
indiscriminate fuss over foreign cele
brities and notorieties. A popula,
preacher from the capital Of the Empire
State was once announced to lecture il
San Francisco OF the "Seven Plaques O
New York" The comment of the New
York Tribune was brief and pointed
OBJ forgets," it ran, that sine,
he left this city there are only six.
Barnum might do worse than d%iscours,
on the bores of London, who hav'
rallied round him in shoals, and presse,
him hard as compilers Of extracts from
the works of Mr.. Joseph Miller. Blu
one bore is going from among us who
thank heaven! is not likely to com
back. London SATURDAY. Revieu.
An Odd Deck of Cards.
Frank Damek, a member of the sport