Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-06-11
Mr.. and Mrs. Bowser.
IT Is NOT EVERY MAN WHO CAN PUT UP
Door SCREEN.

the screen Q00r TO In6 kiLcneu, duuj dltor
, moments thought, he replied:
'Tm in no hurry this morning and III
hang it myself"
"But it's got to have spring on, yor
know"
''Well, what of it?'
ssCan you-you"-
.IfT can't want to be knocked on tn
lbsa5 f9s a idiot, I've put on more doc
and .aa aprings than you're gos hairs il
tg00l hers"
y, s est he door down from the loft, ant
after F0l,a ing upS-ss up SD I'D down and backward
an5 slrYsaris for half an hour us assor1
ment of tools consisted of two saws ~
augur, brace and bit, a plane, screv
driver and screws, square, compass, mi
ter box and a tape line.
"naas it require all those tools to hang 9
screen door," quefISuf: -
nIs may and it may not" he replied.
Scan assist you in any wayi'
Scan you assist me! Mrs. Bowser, you
talk as if you didn't regard me as half bak-
ed! When I want your valuable assistance
I'll send you word on postal cardP'
retired in good order and remained out
of sight twenty minutes. When returned
he had the door on and seemed very well
satisfied.
"You'l have to make slight change in
that, Mr.. Bowser."
"HoW?"
"You've hung it top to bottom"
II have, eh7 I'll bet you $40, ,0OO, 600 to
a cent haven't
"Well, look at the knob and the catch
and holdings on the panels"
He was fairly beaten, and he realized 1t,
but instead of acknowledging the corn he
looked at it for a moment and then quietly
said:
Il slipped it on that way to see if you
would notice 1t, but you'd have let it pass if
/ hadn't called your attention to itP'
Ia the course of half an hour he made the
change and was putting on the spring when
I came back, He had never put a spring
on door in his life,and it would not have
detrac5ed from his &gnity to ask my ad-
vice, but he would have died first. He
measured for it and began to bore a hole
for the screen. After he had worked for
two Or three minutes asked: - =
"Mr. Bowser, which way are you turning
that gimlet?"
"What do you mean?" he demanded, as
he stopped work.
.sYou have been turning to the left"
s'Of course l have! Whoever heard of
turning boring tool any other way?"
way and not accomplish anything. That
gimlet and all other gimlets turn to the
right.'
"They do,- -eh? What smart wife have!
You had better deliver series of lectures
on mechanism"
"Will you turn to the right"
"No, ma'amW
He bored and bored, determined not to
give in, and at length | pushed him aside,
and turned the gmlet to the right and had
it into the wood in 10 time.
'tDidn't tell you so, Mr.. Bowser?"
.sWell, the man who made that gimlet
deserves state prison! It's the first one I
ever saw that turned to the right, and had
seen millions of them before you were
born"
"Can you put the spring on alone2'
"NIrs. Bewser," he answered, after glar
ing at me in chilled steel way for half a
minute, ''perhaps ought to be in the idiot
asylum, and perhaps do know enough to
come in when it rains. You will oblige me
knocking that squalling young 'un on the
head.'
1t was half an hour before l dared make
an excuse to get out again. By that time
Mr.. Bowser had the spring on, but the door
stood open instead of shut. He was stand
ing in deep study.
81 know what ais it, Mr.. Bowser."
t'How shrewdP'
"When you frightened the spring up you
turned it to the right. That throws the
door open. If you'll tighten to the left, the
door will spring shut"
He sat down on the steps and looked at
me with twelve different shades of irony
and sarcasm in his expression, and finally
deigned to reply:
"Where did you learn all you know2"
"Will you fix that spring as l tell you?"
s'No, ma'am, I won't! I've been looking
it over, and l know where the trouble is.
It's spring for left hand door. would
have seen it at the outset if you hadn't been
bothering around"
81 can make that spring work on this
door"
"Mrs. Bowser, 1 wouldn't have your con
ceit for 10 money. No wonder you haven't
a single friend IN this neighborhood.
81 have all want, and I can fix that
spring in two minutes"
"Never! You simply want an opportun
ity to break it. You'd tear the whole
kitchen down for the sake Of carrying your
point. Go in and mail that bowling baby
some more"
1 g,abbed the wrench from his hands,
loosened the spring and then turned it the
other way, and 10! the door shut and was
held stiff n its place, as was designed.
"There! Mr.. Bowserv'
"Thare whati''
"The-spriug shuts the door,"
81 don't see it.'
"But look Did you ever see door work
nicer9'
s'It doesn't work at all.''
"But see!''
81 see ruined door, just as l expected
to see, and now must get an entire new
screen! Mrs. Bowser; have borne from
you until the limit is aboutreached. Don't
provoke ms to desperation. Husbands
rendered desperate by persistent and mali
cious nagging have been known to arise at
midnight aud wipe out the whole family?'
-DetriOt Free Press.