Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1890-11-07
MIR. Bowser's Last Pig.
5. Bowser in Detroit Free Press.

asked.
Yes"
Fat man, with bald head'"
''Yes
walks around as if he knew it all, and
nobody else knew anythingi'
Il am Mrs Bowser, sir!
''Ohl Excuse me, ma'am. Yes, l am
sure this is the right place
'.What did he buy the lumber fori'
"Said he was going to make an addition
to the barn"
''Very we'll
When Mr.. Bowar came home he avoid
ed me for half an hour, and, when finally
cornered him and demanded to know what
sort of an addition he was going to make,
and for what reason, be replied:
"Be sensible, now. Do you know that
pork has gone up two cents poundi'
What of ita We don't eat a pound of
pork a month"
@'And it is bound to 60 higher"
s'Mr Bowser, have you gone and got
another pigi'
Don't go off the handle now. If 1 can
save 81 on our stock OF winter pork it is
my duty to do it."
'Mr. Bowser, I'm astonished You got
pig last year, and l thought you had
trouble enough to last you lifetime"
''The wrong breed, my dear. The man
lied to me. He was a Galloway instead of
Durham. I've struck the right kind of a
one this time, and got him cheap"
"How muchl7
"0nly S.
'Ar. Bowser, 1 protest. If anything
happens don't blame me-"
"Blame your How could II Of course
not. But nothing will happen-nothing
but getting barrel of pork at about half
price"
Next morning a carpenter came and
worked all day to make a pen. | saw
bill of all the lumber and nails, and it was
over Sc, and the man charged 81. 80 for his
days work.
That's almost ST. for your pig to begin
with said to Mr. Bowser when he came
home.
''That's all right, Mrs. Bowser. That
ends the expense, and the profits will soon
begin to come in. What is nicer than to
90 out into your own back yard and see
your own hog in pen! When we eat our
own pork we shen't worry about trichina
or anything else"
Next day the pig came. That is, they
called it pig. 1t was in wagon, and
two men were sitting on it to hold it down.
l heard of the pig three blocks away. He
bit one of the men while they were getting
him into the pen, and, as they started to
go, the bitten party said to me:
ANY man as will buy and keep hyena
in his back yard is no gentleman
The beast was no sooner in the pen than
he began dashing from side to side like a
wild beast, and at the same time uttering
sucn 'hufs, " and "hoofs," that a servant
girl hanging out clothes in a yard across
the alley ran into the house and tried to
call the patrol wagon. The beast finally
bumped his head with such force as to
stun him, and for the next two hours he
looked eareworn and sleepy.
This is something like livingl" exclailn-
ed Mr.. Bowser as he stood beside the pen
at noon and rubbed his hands. "If we
only had a COW and a few hens we'd be
almost like farmers"
''What breed do you call this pigY"
asked.
Lets see! 1t has slipped my mind. No
matter, however. He's of the right sort,
and that's enough. He's as content as a
kitten in an old shoe"
AT that moment the pig rushed across
the pen, and made spring which almost
lifted him out, and it was accompanied by
a sort of roar that made Mr.. Bowser dodge.
Are you sure it's pigi" l asked.
''Sure its a rigl Are you going crazy
againG Give him a show. You'd proba-
bly, act just as bad if taken nine miles from
home and shut up in a strange house"
The pig behaved fairly well for the next
hour, but no sooner had Mr.. Bowser gone
than he grunted, growled, screamed,
shrieked and raved until the racket brought
half a dozen peddlers into the alley. l
didn't hear what they said-only what one
of them said II came to the side door in
very respectful way and said:
"We have dispute, ma'am, as to what
that thing is out in the pen. The potato
man says it's a cundurango, while the
apple man says 1t is a hudag."
"It's pig, replied.
Thanks, ma'am. l won't ask you to
write it down. l think | can remember
it."
He went back and told the crowd that it
was pig, and the convention broke up in
a row just as Mr.. Bowser got home. For
the next two hours the beast was very
quiet, being thoroughly tired out, l sup
pose, and Mr.. Bowser took advantage
the fact to rub his hands and say:
you wait and in about week I'll
show you how to farm"
At o'clock that evening, just as some
friends had come in, that pig uttered a
long, loud wall that made the cook drop
platter. The wall was followed by a series
of barks and squeals, and something crash
ed against the back gate and carried it
into the alley.
Good heavens, Bowser, but your lion
has escaped" called one of the gentlemen,
and all of us rushed to the back door.
The pig was gone. He had cleared the
pen, crashed through the gate, and we
heard shrieks afar off to prove that he had
come in contact with something as he fed
You'd better hire a place dow town
and put your animals in cages" observed
one of the men. II shouldn't want no
half-tamed beasts around my house"
Mr.. Bowser tried to laugh and joke it
of, and we got through the evening very
The door had only closed on
our company, however, when he tu rned on
me with:
''Now, then, Wen settle our little mat
teri"
WHAT"
"What! What! About that. hog"
''But the hog has escaped"
"0f course he hasl You intended he
should You were down on him and de-
termined he shouldn't stay. and you laid
your plans accordingly, : ars. Bowser, you
and | can't -"
Il had nothing to do with the hog"
Don't interrupt me! You can go to bed.