The critic., 1890-12-27
ADMIRABLE FOOL!NG.


~ take directory
Ever since Rcbccca went TO the we'll wat.
cffng places have been great resorts for ladies
with matrimonial intontions.-LUe.
Ethel docking at a statuetto OF the Venus Of
Milo)-lt seems to me, Maud. that the women
in ancient times had larger waists than they
Maud--well. perhaps the men had longer
arms Cape col Item.
First Messenger Boy-lIow'- business,
Second Messenger Doy--Rushlng.
And far or In space the shade Of Auanias
began preparing his !S,i2ith motion for new
trial. Indianapolis Jouinm
Mother--When the now minister calls,
Tommy, You mustn't make any, remarks about
his clothes.
Tommy taftcr the minister is seated Ma
told me not TO say anything about your clothci.
! don't sec anything the matter with thcn.-
Ne'g ToIk StR.
In Bostonese- Bar Tender quite green mud
tender)-llavc you manual on mixing
Floor Walkcr-John show this gcntlemma
book on interior dccOraiion.-.H J0seM Ntlng.
The Ingenuc--Oh, how dreadful that dancers
contortons nre Is that meant for the ghost
dance:
The Blasec-No. no: that an imitation OF
Canncncita's Spanish dancc.-st. doSeM AeTs.
Tcacher-Now, children, here we have the
word "intuition.' Who can tell me what II
means 2"
Phenomenally Bright Standardization Is
that faculty OF the human mind which enables
n person 10 distinguish at n glance q patent
medicine advertisement from real news ar
ticle.-In JRB.
"Thc first thing Yankee does on settling in
new town Is TO buy family lot In the ccme-
terry, and the first act OF u New Yorker IL 10 ar
range for pass back to the metropolis. -
Ch0uHcty DtpeU.
Stern Parent ito young applicant FOR his
daughters hand)-loung man can you support
Young Man (mcckly)- IL only wanted Sarah
BcstCR Post.
Clericus--What is your idea OF Heaven:
Synicus-A place where all tho sprats Will
believe they have sea-room enough to be
whalcs-NeW York Herdld.
They were new members OF the banl and
| were discussing the time OF the day.
'lt Is O'Clock sharp" said one, II am sure
mo" replied the other, seriously, sit Is I
| fiat, because school was out some time ago"
| Gcnoa (Ncb.J Hipe Of Peace.
| Daughter said Mrs. Bellows Indignantly,
| after John Jilnpson had taken his departure,
show came your hair so disarranged!"
| II shook my head so much while he was try
/ ing to get me to say yes replied the quick
| wittcd girl.-Epoch.
Riclard-lIarry made me call yesterday A
most delightful visit, assure you.
l p Wllllnm--Wny, nchru you say OHly Tue
other day that Harry was the worst OF bores,
| and that he never called on you but you suf-
fered untold agony.
! Richnrd-Yes; on this occasion l was not at
home -B0Ston Transcript.
what sort OF a fellow Is hep
"IIe is q friend who would be willing to share
fle last dollar with you."cL.e.
Bubby-where's your oycreoat-an't you
afraid OF catching coldi'
Tommy--I am, and that's the reason dom
wear it. lt's too damp to put on--in soak, yo,
know.--1HdRta JOufRui.
Have you anything to say for yourself pris
onery"
"0nly this, your Honor, l hope In sentencing
me you will take into merciful consideration
| the extenuating circumstance OF the Kind of
lawyer | had to defend "-PHiiddsiphit
| Times
son, Rowena,n exclaimed Voltieern Tape
measure, dropping on his knees without
| struggle, "your beauty fires my seart -
my daughter said the old liengist Wheat
corner, entering the room, II will divide tn
contract with You; will fire the rest OF him.'
| Which he did.
"1ou say that the Major came to his dealt
| by drowning, I'm surprised that lie ahon
.Be didn't The drowning that killed hin
was applied inwardly. st Joscph News.
The aspirations of true Bostorlan are TO b
born ut the "IIub,n graduated from Harvard
| and to own pew in Trinity Church, n villa o
the North Shore and burial lot In Noun
Auburn. SO says literary woman OF that citi
who has made The animal study for years.
At Dinner.
Mr.. Dudderson-My dear, | think ] hear III
baby crying. You'd better send Mary mp I
him.
Mrs. Dudderson-- Mary can't go. She's hell
ing John In the pantry.
Mr.. DuddersoIi-Then send Annie.
Mrs. DuddcrsOn-Anuie II down In m
kitchen assisting the cook.
, Mr. Flipperton (guestl--let me go.
Mrs. Dudderton--Thank YOU, Mr. FllppcrtoI
but IL II not necessary. John, ring for u me
+ senger boy.-HdfpeT'S Bdgdr.
{ "Mammn," said a Brooklyn girl, "what waul
l be an appropriate Christmas present 10 Civ
! | Albertin
: "llow long has he been coming to sec youi
asked mamma.
! "AhOut four years
Then thing you had hottor give him q
Y | sNck."-Jpdge.
= The following correct transcription OF q
+ | lettering on gravestone in an English churc
8 yard showed lack OF dsCeFnmcnt as to I!
proper time and place;
I