Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-11-09
receive q solemn warnin' to check you in
your mad career

receive solemn Warnln' to check you in
your mad career"
'Ize mighty sorry, sah."
"Dsts no excuse Brudder Givesdam
Jones, you viii take dis pusson out into
de ante-room and gin him series of cleo
tic shocks to rouse his moral sentiments.
De shocks better be purity neavy, as his Is
a hard case"
Clingstone didn't return to the hall after
the performance, which Giveadam Jones
said was great success.
"Air Brudder Hard6nish Smith heah to-
night?" asked the President, after the
other case had been disposed OF.
The brother was a. the back end of the
hall, shoe off and working at callous
about as big as silver dollar. He got
into shape as soon as possible, his ewes
bullying out with excitement, and when he
stood before the platform the President
said .
"Brudder Smith, l understand you is
foolin' around wild politics good deal"
No, sah."
Didn't you help run ward caucus las
week ~
Il went around dar', but l didn't run.
muffin"
didn't I pass along by dat caucus an
hear you whoopin' fur somebody ?p
81 jist hollered once"
"Brudder Smith, have word or two
of advice fur you. De mex time you
wkoop fur any white man in politics, doan
do it fur fifty cents. Doan' do IL fur less'n
ten dollars. Whoop for Guild candidate
fust, but if you can't find one, den whoop
fur a white man. Doan' walk around on
de rim of pollyticks. De men who do dat
ar mean an cheap. Go right in to de full
ness an de nastiness of it. Lie, deceive
an cheat Make yourself so solid dat you
will be power in de town, an chen if de
bigger fish desrise you, dey will not dare
show it. As dis club has no pollyticks an
no use fur politicians, you needn't cum
| heah no mo-"
"But Il oan' want no pollyticks," pro-
tested Hardfuish.
"But you has got EN- already"
"Den lie gwine to drap 'em. It's the
las time | eber whoop."
"Well, we'll gin you show. You can
sot down, but you'd better walk mighty
soft. We hain't no room heah fur bum
mers"
Brother Smith had only taken his seat
when the President inquired if Brother
ConvulsIye Jones was in the hall He was
He was asked to step to the front, and
when he got there Brother Gardner said
"Brudder Jones, | understand you is
gwine to move ober to the Stait of Ohio ~
Eyes, sah."
"An' when you git dar you is gwine to be
married."
Eyes, sah."
''Dat is good an we'll. We shall be sorry
to lose you from active membership in de
club, but we shall be pleased ober your
good fortune. In gwine to a new place,
an among new people, dar' am sartin things
you orter observe.
"Doan' wear too much plated watch
chain.
"Doan' hev too many kinds Of religion.
"Doan' attempt to vote wild all parties.
Remember that three-dollar diamond
pin doan' make up for wipin' your nose
on yer elbow
'If de rest of de people walk on de side
walk you shouldn't take de middle of de
road, chen if it is de safest. In gettin' mar
ried, Brudder Jones, doan' expeck your
| wife to be an angel. Doan' emagine dat
matrimony is all love an no heavy bread.
Be boss of de cabin, but doan' be tyrant
Cultivate de impression dat you know
heap, but doan' get de idea that your wife
is an idiot.
"Doan' start in at de top. You is
pore man an you has got to make your
way. 1t is better to hev FIVE bushels of
taters in de cellar dan seben-foot lookin'-
glass in de parlor. Laziness eats up de
flour, while industry puts red-kivered
lounge in de parlor. Extravaganza
scrapes de bottom of de butter,jar, while
economy puts nuf' money in de bank to
carry you frew case of smallpox. You
kin now be seated, an de meetin' will
purceed to suspend payment an go
home"