Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-04-02
MIR. AND MRS. B0WSER.
By MRS. BoWsER.

When have sick headache l know ex-
actly what will happen when Mr.. Bowser
reaches home He will let himself in at the
front door, hang up his coat and hat, walk
through to the sitting room, and seeing me
on the lounge with my head tied up will
gaze at me for full minute without speak
ing. Then he will finally remark:
"Didn't tell you so?''
s'What?"
"You got your feet wet"
"Oh, no, Mr.. BowseH"
seThen you went out bareheaded, or you
have been eating iee.cream or some other
balderdash."
son the contrary, have been very, very
CAREFUL
ooh, yes, you women are always very.
yery careful. ia giant was to expose him
self the way you do he'd be dead in SIX
months. Had the doctor?'
stNo."
"That's it! Want to let the typhoid fever
get hold of you, don't you? WHAT'S DR..
IS telephone NUMBER"
oDon't call doctor. My head is much
better than it was, and shall be all right
tomorrow"
("Well, if you are not I'll call two of them
and have you taken to the hospital. have
no pity on any one who will go sloshing
around the way you do. l was intending
to 20 to the theatre to night. and here 1
come home and find you f.ttened out, per-
D. haps to develop case Of yellow fever or
smallpox
Mr.. Bowser goes tramping around to find
fault with bis supper, with the cook, with
the baby, with the furnace and with every
thing else which he happens to think OF,
aud the evening ia rendered very cheerful
and happy.
If I happen to be looking down the street
when Mr.. Bowsar gets off the car can tell
whether he has headache or not. He
comes siumping along, arms hanging down,
eyes on the sidewalk, and as open the door
for him he growls out:
'Lemme git onto that lounge as soon as
possible"
"Why, what's the matter?'
"l'm next door to DEATH"
ssHave you been hurt, MIR. Bowser?"
mo. Got headache. Whole top of
my head is loose. think am dyiDgr'
help him off with his coat, get him on to
the lounge, pull off his CATERS, tuck him up,
and then / can't help saying: 'Didn't tell
you so?'
"W-what?"
sYou've been careless again. You sat in
your Office with your feet out of the win
dow, or you held chunk of ice on your lap,
or you stood in puddle of water in your
bare feet. It's wonder to me that any
man lives to tie age of 3d."
Oo-o-o.oh!' he groans.
"That's it, Got the black plague or the
Asiatic cholera hold of you, probably! I
was going over to Mrs. Cato's to night to
rograssive euahre, bit this spoils it all.
I'll have three doctors up after tea, and
have the ambulance come at the same
time.''
Then Mr.. Bowser sheds tears, and go
and heat brick for his feet tie towel
around his head, seud baby up stairs and
stop the clock SO that nothing may annoy
him
No husband is ever to blame for any &C.
cident about the house. The wife always
ie For instance, a water pipe down in the
basement burst the other day. Mr.. BOwser
got home just as I was about to telephone
him.
"Pi, busted! Who busted it9" he shout
ed, as he pulled off his overcoat.
"Why, no one."
Eyes, they did! Water pipes don't bust
without help! Some ofyou have been knock
ing on that pipe with hammer.
went down and showed him that the
leak was at point where none of us could
possibly reach it, but he replied.
swell, some OF you are certainly to blame
for it. That's the way-the minute leave
the house something happensl Now We
shall have plumber around here for
week or more, with bill Of forty or fifty
dollars!"
But Mr.. Bowser goes even further than
this sometimes, One day high wind blew
down portion of the back fence. and when
he came home he stood and gazed at the
wreck for a moment and then turned on me
wi b:
"Well, what less could have been expect
e6?'
'What do you mean. Mr.. Bowsei?"
sob, it's all right! You just keep on and
see how you will come outn'
'.But did blow that fence down, Mr..
Bowser?'
"Did n You were here all the time.
You say it was the wind, but where are
your proofs? Why didn't you wreck the
barn VIII le you were about lt?"
And one evening when he came homo
looking out of sorts and asked if anything
was wrong he snapped me up with:
1Boil coming on my Lego"
stThat's too bad"
ssYes-um-I underestimate
sWhat do you mean, Mr.. Bowser?'
'Never you mind. You keep right on
and see where you will end.
"But am to blame that you have boil
on your eg?"
'It's all right, Mrs. Bowser; l can see
through a milestone as far as the next
man."
"Mr. Bowser, you don't mean to insin"
"That's all right. Just keep right away
from me! have long had my suspicious,
and this confirms them. I'll look over my
accounts to night and have plain talk with
you in the morning.-Detro Free Press.