Tombstone epitaph., 1890-05-10
DEACON BUROETTE.
uis Witty Talks Out O Meetin' Cpo.
 Timely Tniliss.


 "pap1,' said Eihel, T do not think you are ,st 10 MT SoIhtonorr; v"~ walking with Linn last nght. lis head is full of ideas. , "YeS. yes" sai the professor, and vent nr r.ading the procf of his lecture on Mic o ,opic Thought" "'we ca.:not realize tue .n. ElIitr itilcnrss Os tlIe rloler;l bacteria, vi tT ge know thut 8. Jc000 0 of them occupy a space ro large" th.n pins hearl.' Yes, Y .s. a.' you say, he nas u great many leas; but they are2--Goe' III reading proof.
 SEER PASTED 1HE VOLUNTEER AT A.
 I am weary of this hum rum life" said ,,a.iiupus Why, what arc YOU doinga "Tulirg hur,ly guriiesT 'Shake; I uD ling speeches on tariff reduction"
 CUT FARE Y2 WE'LL, AULD THISTLE BEN
 Young Mir Slwbones first year Ill medical ! colegr; sees an edi. orial headed "The Dan | ger of ApIthyr --I he incomprehensible ig ] norance of these editoTS!" lie exclaims grand ] ly; they write about things If 'Ihich they Iuow absolutely nothing. No-r-ynn take apathy in time and there isn't It dangerous feature in it: the veriest quack can handle it." Puts on his hat and goes out to look af. ter a case of incipient inertia.
 TX A'BLINs MIGHT DINNA KEN. ! Lawyer Bultiozer-Do on know anything about George Thorpe! Stupid Witness--Yes, sir. Llwyer B.--Ah, you do. Do you know any good about him? IVitness-No, sir l ''OI. you don't! Well, then, do you know anything bad about himF Witness-No sir. Then, for mercy's sake, what do you know about hm?" q Enow he died twenty y>arS before 1 yer heard of hinl.n
 | ST 4L HAE A STAKE
 A Boston b Uker lost q wallet containing Gl5010 on the stTce6 ahd q newsbov found It anl brought it tc the owner. The mar struggled with Il terrible temptation to be mean aId surlid for a moment, and then forgetting self and casting to the winds his greed of gain as he trampied the temptation under his feet, gave the honest boy permis- sion to 20 Oil the Common and play every dIy. I've can trust you," sotbe,l the grate- ful man; i've know that you will keep Off the giass" On, low often this opportunity tc make others happy hy a kind word, q gentle smile CT some liJlle net of kindness knocks n our doors and we heed it not, until it is tM lItc. On, that more people were like the Boston man. (P. S.-Thsy arc.)
 "wEEN HAME YE MAKEI"
 Where, oh. where has 5he young man gone who graduation clothes put on, some time along the last of May, and owned the whole wIdc world for q day! And where is the sweet girl graduate, wiIo cl;ante,l an essay dread vi ith fate and started ut with q gig gling frown to turn th;s old world upside dowm2 And where is last vear's candidate. who hal things fixed fer this years slatel Who carried aruumi, nS you'd believe. a cOupl, of counties in his sieevrl And where i, tIe scribe with n wanting will who tried e lGag felt want to fill, aud courted sIekels and reaown with Il IniInon paper III Q bourgeols towI? The ltd hIS divided inc world up fair nui ioltls but his own eight bilIiontL sha-e. the sweet girl grad. k q grand surprise, and cU%qutrS the wOrld win well nIa,ie pies: the c.:n ilatc with the dcathlesS "gallT is fixing himself for anuthtr rali while the journalist vi Il tbe haHshty crest has gone the way O. L.~, ears nest So ear 6y year au,l tav L.. il. t!r world runs on m the same OlI way; Ire balloon that Is bi ssget rounl about is the G,nbes ra- when the Gls i' oit.
 IT MAKs AN LINGO lE::wAY
 There Is one thing Isla;ius ODonnelly mi;ht lrive done very e;r>ily. if he had l,l III ,hc Of r--he mig ht to it -ei-prove that T ririet DseclIer StowedLn'r write the U lcle Tnn's Clb Il" thTt is presented ol the stage ten times a week all through and between the sc,>oH. Ur couli nd plenty of cip!er> in the rase; rbe two Top,ey$. the two Markses, the two donGeys, and le latest company aIl- nouaccs two Uncle Tonls-;hcsr, with the four meat houa,is, wotld give an ingenious man cipLer< enough to prove anything
 AN SWAT WI DREAD
 "Is there any benefit in monopoiesr asked the teacher. There is" answered the smart InI hoy. And what is it!7 "Ow ing an in ierest in ore" He was kept in two hours
 REAL AND IMITATION BABIES
 A Boston woman comes out in print to de. nounce 1t at lin@ual dish wash, popularly known aS baby t;,li." OI. well, that's to be expected in Beanvir, where Jnseph Cook is ra-~lrrrd as model child'S nurse aii D inarv Kindergarten teacher. We believe. firmly believe, that a baby who! wIichi that! is born wdh eye glasses and Il theory should be Cnlled q babe at birth and adj ircssed as siI or madam.
 Out upon vour machine made babe! l knew one long ago. His name was Henderson In~raham Stllweather, and his parents called him that when he was i'll his cradle. He was but years old when first met him, down by the Illinois river. He said to me: "EScus. me. sir, but con you kindly enlighten me d, to the character of this strange looking craft tpwarl which our steps are tending and, also, clu you tel me to whom does it belong?' clu ch d ile ii tie monster by the eek and heid him under tle dre,lye boat for an hour. cxpectel a scene with his mother. but sht onv sad that Henderson was very fai 1tlvH1ce,l; hi- Uncle DeniSon did not drowI until he was U" They didn't bury Tender son They pressed him betu cell the pages G. j CoIto $ Atlas, and he flartened crIt apd dried just like l fern. That's what becomes of that sort of children. 1 Gm glad drowne him. 1 am booking around for more li;c him. People who wean their infants on dictionaries will dn well tn keep them under gIas, until 1 lose Ly tomahawk. WughIE Broo%lyn Eagle.
 Pivtor5al Shakespeare.