Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1890-04-03
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS


A PRECIOUS pair-diamond earrings.
The undertaker's favorite exercise is
boxing.
An official organ is one that has an
| authorized crank to turn 1t.
LOVE is species of intoxication that
swells the heart instead Of the head.
IT was thoroughly sophisticated
young woman who asked the waiter for
stack of Saratoga chips.
BRowN-Does your wife keep her
temper very we'll? Jones-Um-er
some; but get the most of it.
FENCING classes for ladies are very
popular now, and we don't wonder
ladies are so fond of making thrusts at
each other
MoTHER-You'd better put on veil.
The wind will chap your face. Clara
Never mind. A chap never hurts my
face. rather like the sensation.
TEACHER would like some one of
the class to define the meaning of vice
versa Bright boy-It's sleeping with
your feet toward the head of the bed.
WAITER Ito Uncle What
is your order, sir? Uncle Greencorn-
1 belong TO the Masonic order at Stur-
upviile, thank We. Can't l have some
thing to eat?
DIGNIFIED Mamma When that
young man left You last night, / heard
something which sounded like kiss.
Dignifed daughter-Did you? How
does kiss sound, mamma?
"THEY say the Car doesn't mean to
be so harsh to his subjects" "How 500"
Because even when he puts the small
es: of the Nihilists upon trial for his life
the Gar is only trying little Russo"
A GOOD thing can be carried too far.
A Boston man, who had been told that
he was about to die. asked the doctor
for his bill, saying that he did not like
to depart from his lifelong rule, PAY
as you 60"
You've Bride (pouting) = Here We
have only been married two days, Clar-
ence, and you're Seeding me already!
Husband-I know, my dear-but just
think how long I've been waiting for
the chance!
Mr.. YOUNGER Injecting Miss Winters
on the street why, how do you do?
Miss Winters with cold stare)-You
have evidently made a mistake, sir.
Mr.. Younger beg thousand par
dons-1 mistook you for your mother.
"IF I only knew what to give my
uncle for his birthday! He is so very
saving that, no matter what YOU give
him, he will always put it away and
never use it." "Oh, that is easy; fill
half a-dozen bottles with water, cork
and seal them nicely, and label them
old Rhine Wine, 1850"
WHITE Citizen: "Well. Jackson,
what are YOU doing for living now?
Colored Citizen: Amt dom nothin';
de ole woman takes in washin'" White
Citizen: "Ain't YOU ashamed of your
self to allow your wife to support you
by washing?" Colored Citizen: well.
boss, my ole woman am mighty ignor
ant niggar, an doan' know how to do
muffin else"
TARDY WIT.
A bright little man sat bemoanirg the fate
OF the wit that is tardy and sparkles too late;
OF the keen repartee that is strictly ones own,
But comes into view when occasion has flown.
oh! the ideas. opposite, bright and sublime,
That travel like stage-coaches. never on time,
So sluggish in movement. so slow in the race
That a new topic renders them quite out Of
place.
So the bright little man, with a serious look,
Remarked to himself as he opened the book,
-Of regrets that annoy humorist's head,
The saddest is this: 1t might have been saidl"
FAREWELL, dearest" she sighed as
she lay against the lapel of his double
breasted coat; "and George, you may
kiss me once on my forehead ere you
go Thanks, Angelina, thoughtfully
murmured the young man, "but the last
time kissed girl on the forehead I
got bang in the mouth" A moment
later he left the house, looking as if he
had been eating marshmallows.
A YOUNG man writes to inquire if it
is proper to take hold of a young lady's
arm in promenading. Certainly it is.
Nothing looks so nice as to see q tall
youth walking with little lady who
comes not up to his shoulders, with his
arm hooked in hers, lifting her half off
her feet every time he steps. The
nearer you can reach the appearance
taking lady into custody like police
man, the more genteel it is.