Nevada County picayune., 1890-06-11
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
Hon. Candlelight Johnson Delivers
 His Famous Address on Man.

orashun dat l erected myself, widout any help. I didn't steal it from Shakespeare, and I didn't hire no white man to write It. Sensation. l was ober ten vars gittin' dis ora shun togedder. I went slow and sure. 1 didn't propose to fall into any mistakes. 1 knowcd dere was heap to talk about, an l wanted to get it all in whar it belonged. 1 will now proceed:
 "Man, Who an what am man What was man created fur! Why was he created in de form of man instead of hyena? What use am he? What was he bon fur! In seckin' to answer desc queshuns, my frens, you insenslbly find yourselves delving into de regions of philoso- phy an follerin' de unknown paths of speculashun. In de fust place what was de use of all dls world wid- out man? It would simply be so much land an water gwine to waste. Cries of Hear! Hcar.' l 'Spose'n all desc we're rabbits an 'possums and chickens were running around widout anybody to make use of 'cm-what a shameful waste of meat it would be! Groans. Oats one reason man was put we're to eat chickens and sich.
 "What am man?" continued the speaker, as he shifted his weight to his left leg. He's substance com posed of skin, blood, bones, teeth, toenails, brains, ha'r, and so on. He was created fust, an ont of de best goods in de market. Oats de reason he am heap purifier dan a dog or cat. If he had happened to hey bin created along about fifth or sixth he might hey bin grounding or q whale. Involuntary shivers. Oar arc seberal diffefant sorts ob man, as moast ob you probably know. Dey wasn't all made of the same color nor in the same shape, kase dat would hey bin monotonous. It would hev tried de eye, same as look in' at flock of white sheep. Oar am no sort O queshnn in my mind dat black used to be de moast popular color in de beginning of things, but de white man forced his way in an got hisself boosted up to de top by some sort of gum game. Growls and mutterings.
 "Did you eber stop to think why man didn't grow to be ten feet high an to weigh ton? You probably ncber did, an yit de explanashuns ar right to hand. If he was ten feet high he could walk around no back yard widout sawin' his neck on a clothes-line, an if he weighed ton an de roof of his hen house sprung a leak, how'd he eber git up dar to fix it? Great sensation. Man was born to walk uprightly. Why wasn't he to go on four legs, like a hog? Dis philosophical question probably neber occurred 10 your in- tellect, but de reason is plain. You couldn't hev crowded ober ten of him into street kyar at once. v 1 Cries of "Ah,"
 The speaker here paused to wipe ! his heated brow and moisten his throat with potash tablet, and after a brief, continued:
 "While man am de highest order of creashun, he has at de same time got de moast low down traits of char acter about him. While on my way frew Canada some man stole my um- brella from under my very nose, an on two odder occashuns efforts war made to despoil me of my sachel. l Dat war de work ob man. Would de lion, de elephant or de grizzly bar descend to sich petty meanness 1 [Cries of no! never! Wolves lib togedder in harmony, but man am always in fuss. De hyena knows when he's got good thing, but man am always wanting better. Take an old hoss or mewl an you kin de- pend upon hlm ebery day in de week, Take de average man an you needn' { expect to find him twice alike de same day. Applause from Elder Toots, which was broken short by Giveadam Jones giving him a kick. Of what use am man! He thinks he < a heap of use, but he's dun mistaken bout dat. De world was hear befo he cum. It would hey bin right hear now if nobody had ever Dir