, 1890-09-14

and you deserve to win. You may be in
rather a ~nebulous and gummY state men
tally, but you know where 10 go tor in
formation anyhow.
Banquets, according to Hills Manual
Of PenmAnship, Calistheuics, Etiquette,
Common Law and Diseases of Horses.
are given 10 honor either OF some noted
occasion or some distinguished foreigner
or prominent citizen generally by an or
ganiEation or association of men.
The guest of the evening may be read
lily discovered by his ill-concealed anguish.
He SMILES on all with the same bright
and bubbling joy that is felt by a man
who canvasses the internal regions in the
interests OF a large powder works, carry
ing his samples with him from point TO
point, Tie tries TO jot down a few
thoughts on the back OF a emu sweet
ems his consomme and tries to look tick
led, but the horror of his own fermenting
thought works, and the sharp prongs on
his unborn speech take AVA his appetite,
and his bright, unbroken smile, frozen
upon his white features. looks like the
mirth on the face of an Toe cream Judas
l~scariot.
Every banquet has its presiding officer.
who may or may not be gifted in that
way. COut LDtu hTb bOIu Ohu1uGNlukt
sUme acquire %banquetiuE uhiie Uthers
have banqueting thrust upon them. IL
is so with presiding. Some presidents
will make even the guest teol comfortable,
while others seem to be placed at the
head of the table to keep a tally OF the
grub consumed. A generous and hospi-
tai heart cannot be acquired just as we are
about to fork over our souls TO the great
Grand jury at the end of lfe.~and so no
can by thu mere acquisition OF prop
ertSJ-besnaon alter his entire disposition
in the afternoon of his existence. You
have no doubt visited at houses, Mr..
Peterson, where the host seemed to hang
on every WORT you said, but kept moving
the cuspIdore around with you wherever
you went for fear you might lapse into
barbarism at any moment and spit behind
the lounge. You have visited doubtless,
Ostepsible, places. where the entire visit
was 4 gentle reproaoh to you, where the
host made it easy for you by example so
that you would know what finger bowls
and such things are used for.
/ have.
Possibly there is an air about me which
tempts people Of great refinement To
watch me nervously while | eat, and keep
their more toothsome children out OF my
reach. l am a plain man, born in obscu
rity-in the dark of the moon-but whel
my friends visit me / do not watch the
furniture with apprehension when they
use it. or start up wildly when al over
wrought chair cracks.
However, l will make one exception.
We lave at home. rather against MI
wishes, what is called a reception chair
You have seen them, no doubt, Ostensi
hla Il aa raaI- n fKtet chair II lnrEl
well in the bay window of a furnitur,
store, and for any other but sitting pur
poses is quite a success. | sat in it once
without permission. however, and it tool
me three weeks to get back within sign
of the throne OF grace. 1t is q slight
nervous, ~sanRuine chair, with Queer
Anne back and Sarah Beruhardt limbs 4
it. i, does not weigh over a pound wheI
in condition, and should be given 70
guest who does not know enough to q
home until filed with No. 2 bird shot
But We were speaking OF the gilt OF en-
ertaining-l was about to say the divlnI
gift of entertaining, for it is, If successful
a quality that cannot be acquired. Ac
CURED politeuess when not associated
with natural ursel6shness cannot fool an
one but the meaty and obtuse. l knov
a man who will go along for days ant
days without violating a rule, q then h
will forget himself at table and imagin'
hat he is feeding the same old j. /. Cas-
thrcshinR machine that be fed in hi
younger days.
Banquetiug is sometimes carried to ex
cess. but the more YOU banquet the bet
ter you can do it finally. Take me anC
Gen. Sherman, for instance. We really
do not save a cent by the meals we tax,
that way, for We are getting 20 that VI
eat very little at banquets. he used C
like a good many rich v~ictuals, and so die
/. but now We take the plain cooking Of
nothing. | used to eat red sweet cak'
and green icecream a rood deal at first a
the guest of the evening. but now l wal
till b e.bacon aud pone zones around ,anC
then eat very little else unless steued cur
rants SHOULD be served. If so | eat SOM
Of them on my bread. washing this dow
with a glass of old Rhenish buttermilk.
On taking your seat at table you vii
find at the side of your plate a bouquet
or b~uttonhere, as the French call it, whicl
Is not to be eaten, but inserted in tbl
lapel of your coat. If there should be u
hole 10 your coat suitable for this purpos
do not with your claspkuife jab a hole ii
tie garment while filling the air about yol
with profanity.
You will also find a napkin at FOUR side
or rolled 10 a fantastic wad on vour plate
1t will have concealed in it a blonde roll
ii - 1-.Is = - -xn ID.