Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-01-03

n amusing material
=@7=Z-- for a short essay.
I am safe from the fear of offending
any Of my masculine readers, since, of
course, no resemblance could exist be
tween any of them and the unpOetic,
unpleasant ones among these types,
There is the elderly wid0wer, who is
ncOnsOlabIe for the loss of his first
companion, though patiently looking
about for his second one.
The man with bOmely wife who is
desperately Jealous of her.
The hOmely man whose pretty wife
is desperately Jealous Of him.
The deeply scientific man, who re-
CARDS all women as poor, perishing
packages of prOtOplasm. This person
can analyze all the poetry out of June
moonlight, or the perfume and senti-
ment out of white roses.
The playful and pOrtly individual
who always insists upon telling you a
little story that Is a tEifie BROAD" "you
know, ha, ha." This party is apt to
grow familiar upon brief acquaintance,
unless you freeze him by briefest mon
Osyllables; yet, after all, he is q harm
less creature, generally extremely tire
some.
Then we have all seen the sharp lex
tremely sharp man, with inquisitive
nose and little ferret eyes. He is
confident that he can see through any
thing and anybody at a mere glance.
"His wife knows better chan to try to
fool him, she does" He watches over
his housekeeping, knows how many
papers Of pins VIII last an average fami-
ly through the year, and never permits
the hired girl to use two yeast cakes in
making the bread when one and a half
will do as well.
Then there Is the young man who is
so dreadfully wicked Cor who wishes
to make you believe that he isl that he
spends all of his leisure trying to think
Of some dreadful sin that he has not
yet committed in order that he may
rush right away and perpetrate it.
This desperate youth has "nO faith in
woman, not the least.
Quite a common type is the cool
headed, philosophical genus, who
marries g meek, rustic maiden With.the
intention Of moIding her into an ideal
wife.
An imposing type is the extremely
moral and financially sound puritanical
individual, whose very brOadcIoth
would culver with righteous horror if
he was obliged to talk an hour with
frivolous female. This kind of a. man
would look at you, should you say
"GOod morning" to him in q careless,
ight-hearted way, as though you were
intriguing to capture him for some ter
rible purpose. He is always son
guard.
Then there is the neglected genus,
with pantalOOns frayed at the bottoms,
whose wife does not appreciate him at
all, but who still loves her entirely out
of the, fuIlness of his. big, chivalrous
heart, as he takes pains to tell you, for
you might become hopeIessly interest
ed in him otherwise, and he. only seeks
In you kind of intellectual companion,
which really means that he wants the
right to bore you with his stupid liter
airy illusions, and should his wife be
an invalid, by long accounts Of her diff
ferent ailments. This creature is one
of the most naively selfish of beings; he
ends his acquaintance with you by com
promising you in the eyes Of the one
man in all the world for whose good
opinion you care most, and finally quar-
rels with you because you do not fol-
low his advice IN choosing your friends.
Another variety, about as unpleasant
as the one first described, Is the old
man, the very old man with grOwn-up
children, who talks continually about
"my son John and my darter Jane.
He is a widOwer, and extremely mod
est in his ambition, only desiring
wife who shall be young, good-IOoking,
Saving" and a good nurse, for he is
laid up with rheumatism twO-thirds of
the time; and she must have a snug
little property" IN her own right, 50
that son John and "darber" Jane may
not forbid the banns. This pleasing
mass of egOtistical imbeeiity ought to
be confined in an asylum for elderly
idiots
Then we have seen the matter-of-
fact, quiet man, who IS apt, upon coca
sion, to surprise you by giving eYi-
dence of latent chIvGlrOusness and fine
ness of sentiment. His opposite TYNE
is often seen-the picturesque and
posing man, who Is extremely coarse
and selfish; the man who Is liked bet
ter by women than by men, the man
who is a great favOrite with men; the
pale, sad-iOoking young man, who cap
tivates the fancy by his mysterious
silence. When you break through the
crust of melancholy reserve, you find
that his mental faculties are engaged
a large part Of the time in wrestling
with the problems OF what he shall
have for his dinner, the residue Of his
leisure being employed In first obtain
ing the price of his dinner.
Men as fctiOnists.
The romantic liar, with entertain
ing story of his adventure.
The malicious Lar.
Men as gOsslps.
The superannuated masher, with
bald plate ike polished gourd, and
brains as tEihing as its rafting seeds.
/ He stands at street corners and Ieers
/ at feminine passeEs-by.
These are q few Of themore common