The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1890-10-20
LOOKING BACK.

FgzYS writing table, alone in his spacious
&EAS study; his head rests upon his
hands, and an expression of deepest melan-
choly darkens his handsome careworn face.
In turning over desk full of old, yellow
letters he has come upon half-forgotten
relic of happier days-a little bunch of lilies
of the valley, tied with scrap of white rib
bon The lilies are lying on the desk before
him, and his eyes grow strangely dim as he
locks at them, while memories Of the past
come pouring faster and ever faster into his
troubled mind.
How well he remembers the day when the
lilies bloomed fresh and fair and fragrant,
embedded in their cool, green leaves the day
when he plucked them and carried them
home for his wife-his little Doris! How
pleased she was at the small attention
Even now he smiles as he recalls her pleas
ure. The pretty pink color flushed into her
cheeks, and her blue eyes Shone like stars,
as size threw her arms around his neck and
kissed him again and again. All! what
would he not give to feel those kisses now!
She was always impulsive and childishly
natural. She never stopped to consider lier
words and actions, after the manner of
older and wiser people; but, then she was
only 10 and innocent as child in the ways
of The world. She was 10, and Godfrey was
80; the difference in age was great; but not
so great as the difference in character.
Godfrey was old for his years, and had
lived fast. Already he had seen and done
most things and the excitement of what is
commonly called seeing life had palled
upon him considerably. lie was quite ready
to settle down to the uneventul life of a
country squire, with few interests beyond
his books-I put them first adyisedly-his
wife and his estate.
Doris differed from him in every way.
To hon fa IA
vista stretched golden and cloudlesS before
her innocent eyes. Things that were "tedi-
Gus as a twice told tale" had for her all the
freshness and charm Of novely; the hot,
mpetuous blood of extreme youth coursed
through her veins and mantled in her cheeks !;
she viewed the world through rose colored
spectacles.
Yes, they differed widely In every way,
and lookers-on pr0pheSied from the very
first that the marriage would turn out fail
ure. How much better it would have been
if Godfrey had listened to some Of his we'll
meaning friends! But he was too sure OF
himself and his ability to mold his own
fate, ana too fond of his pretty Doris to no.
tice their timely warnings.
He was very fond of her; no man ever
loved a woman more dearly than he loved
Doris, and he honestly tried to make her a
good hu> band, according to his lights; but,
looking back now on his past, and judging
it by the light of later experience, he can see
that his liGhts were wofully dim. He did
not treat Doris as an equal and helpmeet;
he denied her that close companionship and
perfect confidence that are the right of every
true wife, He looked upon her as a charm
ing toy WhereWith to beguile his leisure
hours; a pretty child to cheer and amuse
him with her innocent prattle when he could
tear himself away from his beloved books.
1t is not right 10 regard wife in such light.
as he has found to his cost.
fl,f, Ill trryfN
The first six months of their married life
were happy months for both OF them, but
after that their relations began to change.
1t would be difficult to say when and how
the change came in; it stole upon them so
gradually at first that Godfrey hardly
noticed it, but when their married life was
a year old it became painfully evident to
him. Doris saw it too. She used to sit and
look at her husband with such wistful eX-
preston in her big blue eyes. and some
times she would make an effort 10 resume
her old playful affectiOnate manner toward
him, but somehow her efforts always ended
III failure.
At the time he was blind, but he can see
so clearly now that the fault was his in the
first instance. He frightened and repealed
her. She as an only child, and all her life
had been accustomed to the utmost care and
tenderness; her father was the soul of kind
ness and n oSt indulgent to her, while GeOff-
stern in manner. Furthermore, he expected
too much Of her. The standard by which he
judged woman was very high one-almost
impOssibly so. Certainly, his ideal woman
seldom, if ever, existed out OF poets imag-
nation.
Doris tried her hardest to satisfy him and
fulfill his expectations, but she was cast in
too slight mold, her strength was not equal
to the demands upon it; she failed, and was
bitterly conscious Of her failure. Godfrey
can see it all now clearly enough, but he
could not see it then.
Well, as have said before, their relations
underwent a change, and coolness .sprang
up between them-sligbt, 1t is true, but luz
passable as mighty barrier.
Things went from bad to worse, and the
Danes were in very uncomfortable position
when Doris cousin, Archie st. John, who
came to stay with them. He was a good
looking young fellow, little inclined to
swagger and put on side" but manly, good
hearted and generous to fault GeOtery
took fancy TO him, and they got on very
we'll together, until he awOke to the fact that
Archie was making hot love to his wife.
Godfrey was not inclined to play the role of
Jealous husband, and, at first, the discovery
only amused him; he stood aside and watched
the little drama with undisturbed mind.
having perfect confidence in Doris and her
devotion to him, but, after tine, he began
We never forgot the night that it dawned
upon him that there was real danger for
Doris in her cousins attentions. They were
giving a small dance in Archie's honor-a
cosy, informal gathering of some twenty
cour les-and i'll the course of the evening,
as Godfrey was leaning against the wall
watching the maze of revolving couples, his
eyes suddenly fell upon Doris, and what lie
read in her face caused him to start and look
again.
1t was waltz, and she and Archie were
dancing together. She was clasped closely
in her arms, so closely that her cheek
brushed lis shoulder. and he was bending
over her and talking very earnestly in a low
tone. Godfrey could not of course, hear
what he said but the intense earnestness of
his manner led him to suppose that the sub
ject under discussion was tender one,
while the rapt look on Doris face, her
flushed cheeks and parted lips and the fever
ish excitement that CLEANED in her uplifted
eyes, startled her husband unpleasantly.
Godfrey looked and looked again, and, as he
looked, the devil of jealousy and cold, i'm
placable anger sprang slowly into being in
his heart. In that moment he loved her
more dearly than he had ever done, and yet
he could have killed her.
That night, few minutes after he had en-
tered his dreSsiDg-room. there was a gentle
knock at the door, and Doris came through
from her bedroom. She looked very delicate
anu lTdSlc, lle tnOiiSut, DIS SIG paused tlUl-
idly on the threshold; very pretty and child
ish, too in her simple white dressing gown,
with her long golden hair falling over her
shoulders.
May come in, Godfrey ?" she asked
nervously. 81 want to speak to you"
Come in, by all means, if it will give you
any pleasure" he returned, shortly. What
do you want? Are you i'll ?'
His tone was not reassuring-it sounded
strangely hard and cold even in his own ears
and Doris gave him n timid glance as she
came forward very slowly and dragging one
foot after the other. as if she had hardly
strength or energy to move. He looked down
at her. as she stood by his side, and was struck
by her extreme pallOr and the feverish gilt
ter in her eyes.
You are ill., he exclaimed, hastily. II
am sure that You are ILL.,"
No" she said, YEARLY, II am not i'll
only tired"
eff you are tired, why don't YOU 20 to
bedP" he asked, in sympathetic tone.
She shook her head
Il could not sleep without speaking to
you. l must speak TO you tonight, Geof-
frey"
"Well. speak away" Godfrey said, I'M
graciOusly. l am anxious to get to bed, il