St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-05-27
GOSSIP OF THE DAY.

Ministers like their little jokes as we'll
as any one else, says the Chicago Her
aid. Chaplain Wharton, of the Grand
Army of the Republic for the state Of
wisconsin, is no exception, and he per-
spetrated one awhile ago which acted as
"a boomerang; it came back and hit him
hard. 1t was at some great G. A. Il.
affair. where speeches were being made,
and one speaker desired to refer to the
incident mentioned III the Bible where
some one tied the tails of two foxes to-
gether. The speaker was at loss to
remember who this person was, and he
asked the chaplain. With face as sober
as Judge, that gentleman said it was
Goliath. The speaker went Oh with his
talk and made his reference, speaking
Goliath's name in all confidence. Some
one behind him pulled his coat-tail and
said in whisper: sit was not Go
Hath; it was AbSalom." This rather
knocked him out for moment, but,
quickly recovering, he said: well.
there appears to be little discrepancy
about who it was that tied the foxes
myself [ went to Chaplain Wharton,
matter. and he told me it was Goliath"
This so completely turned the laugh
upon the chaplain that the speaker got
back his composure and finished his re-
marks in good style.
~x*
One of the stories now going the
rounds, says the Chicago News, tells OF
Bismarck'S clever ruSe to save friend
from death. 1t seems that Bismarck
and his friend were out hunting one
day, and the friend incautiouSly walked
off into moraSS from which he could
not extricate himself. Feeling himself
gradually sinking, the unfortunate fei-
low called out to Bismarck: For
Gods sake come to my help, or l shall
be lost in this auicksand." Bismarck
saw that the danger was great, but he
retained his presence of mind. NO"
cried Bismarck. Il will not venture
into the morass, for then [ should be
lost too. 1t is evident your end is in
eyitable: therefore. to relieve you from
the cruel agony of slow death l will
shoot you"
Thereupon Bismarck coolly leveled
his rifle at his fl oundering friend.
keep quiet" cried Bismarck; 81
cannot take correct aim. Remember
that in order. to put you at once out OF
misery must shoot you through the
head"
The shocking brutality of this sugges-
ton drove all fear of the morass out of
the friends mind; the unlucky chap
thought only Of lodging Bismarck's
bullet, and with this in mind he strug-
gled so violently that finally, by almost
superhuman efforts, he succeeded in
laying hold of the root of an old tree
and thereby he rescued himself.
sit was your presence of mind that
saved me-" he confessed to Bismarck;
''inno other way could my extrication
from the quickSands have been accom-
plished."
A Western senator, says the New
York Tribune, who was very much in
terested in having young woman APP
pointed as typewriter IN one of the de-
partments, said, after he had used all
arguments at his command in her favor:
well, Mr.. Secretary, hope Miss
s. will be appointed, and if you and
| stick together think she WILL
THAT expression makes ME think"
said the secretary, .of an old friend of
mine, country lawyer, very clever he
was, sharp and bright, with a keen
sense of humor. He was at one time
arguing case before jury of his fell
side and the judge were both from the
city. The Judge was fat, sleek, pomp-
Gus sort of man, possessing just the
characteristics most irritating to the
provincial. The lawyer, a concerted,
egotistlcal snob, had all the law points
III his favor, and he imagined the case
would be 'Walkover' for him, and that
the trial was only matter of form. 1t
was case of a corporation against
private individual. The city lawyer
represented the corporation, and
my friend the individual, who was
a neighbor of his. The lawyer for
the plaintiffs handled his case in bull
lying sort of a way, talked over the
Jurors heads and tried to aStonish them
with his knowledge. My friend made
all the foolish points possible, knowing
they would be overruled, and did bis
utmost to irritate the judge, an irascible
old fellow at best. The city lawyer he
put in the most ridiculous light posi-
BILE. poked quiet fun at him, mimicked
him slyly and had the jury laughing at
the visitors most of the time. After he
had finished his argument he said:
"'Now, gentlemen of the jury. this
city lawyer and this city judge have
come down here to win this case. From
the rulings and from the points made |
guess they think that no one else knows
anything about here, but gentlemen of
the jury, if you and l stick together l
think we can beat them yet
ut is needless to say that notwith
standing the judges charge in favor of
the plaintiffs, the jury stuck to their
fellow-townsman and found for the de-
PENDANT"