The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-07-25
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Good Things Taken from n Recent Issue
of the Great journal.


of the Great journal.
Among the many good things in the
last issue of the Arizona Kicker we ex-
tract the following:
OUR GAIN. - Monday afternoon an
italian with dancing bear struck the
town, and half an hour later Colonel
Siderial Thompson, Assistant Register
of Deeds, awoke from snOoze he had
been enjoying in an armchair in the
Mighty West billiard parlors. When
the Colonel saw the bear dance he made
up his booty mind to have Wiz with
him. His friends called him oil, but he
was pig-headed and OBJ, late and re-
fused to stay off. He suddenly jumped
in on the bear with yell and a whoop,
and being new to our ways the beast
probably supposed himself attacked.
At any rate he set to work with teeth
and claws, and so used the Colonel up in
about three minutes that he died that
night. The general verdict of the pub
lie is that his loss is our gain. He had
no enterprise as citizen, and as man
some of us would have had to plant him
within few weeks anyhow.
SETTLED AT LAsT.-As will be noticed
elsewhere in the regular court pr oceed-
ings, the legal trouble between the
editor of the Kicker and Prof. Mccall
has at last been settled and an amicable
understanding arrived at The pro-
fessor came here about two years ago,
and being in hard luck, borrowed our
only Sunday shirt and fifty cents in
Int +o ri
turn the same or recognize our claim.
We posted him as dead beat and he
sued us for $50, 900. We proved him a
bigamist and he fired two shots at us in
front of the post-office. We advised
lynching, and he was laid up for a month
in the attempt to horsewhip us. The
professor instituted no less than five
suits against us, and on several different
occasions planned our assassination.
Day before yesterday, while the pro-
fessor was laying for us with shotgun
at the post-office, he was run over in a
stampede of mules. We were the first
to reach him and render aid. He was
carried to tho Kicker office in an uncon-
scious condition, and it was half an hour
before he came to. Mutual friends
seized upon the occasion to settle the
trouble. and their efforts we're success
full. We now desire to announce in
italic that the professor is an honest,
worthy gentleman, possessed of fine
voice and we'll qualified to teach the
divine art of music. On the other hand,
he subscribes for the Kicker, paying in
advance, of course, and advertises to the
extent of S34 per year.
APPLY TO TIE CORONER as our
outside pages were going to press Judge
Knight called at the Kicker Office and
invited us to ride out to Lone Tree with
him in his horse and buggy, and half an
hour later we were there. The boys
had preceded us, and we found them in
a circle around ''Dr. b. b. Belinger,
late of the Royal College of Medicine.
of London-the only discoverer of a
sure cure for consumption. The doc
tor has been with US about month,
claiming to cure almost every thing on
earth, but after his remedies had
knocked over half dozen citizens the
boys concluded that it was time for him
to drop out. He refused to drop. Hence
a committee called and asked him to
take walk. He had taken the walk
and stood on barrel when we caught
sight of him. There was connection
between the doctors neck and stout
limb, and he was making a speech.
The doctor recognized us at once and
besought us to explain to the crowd that
he was in hurry to leave the country.
He couldn't fly, but he would do the
next best thing. Although he had not
advertised with us, and he had given all
his job-work to our contemporary, we
could not refuse his request. AS per-
sonal favor to us the boys, after letting
him hang long enough to insure good
case of sore throat cut him down, gave
him nip of whisky and advised him to
go East. He went. The last we saw of
him he was making such time as no
jack-rabbit in this country can ever
hope to equal. Any one having any
legal claim on 1O5 bottles of consump-
ton cure, together with machine for
making pills, two packs of cards and of
flee furniture valued at 1926, will please
apply to our worthy coroner. While DR..
Belinger still lives to the world at
large, there is no doubt that he is dead
to this community."- Free Press.
Loss of Appetite.
If one has lost his appetite and can
not think of any thing that he wants to
eat, the best remedy is to stop eating