Sacramento daily record-union., 1890-04-06
PLEkSANTRIES.

When you are little hoarse, take colts
foot, on the principle that the hair of
the dog will cure his bite-BoSton Tran
script
Sir Isaac Newton made money by see
ing an apple fall. Some women make
money by keeping an apple stand Boston
Courier.
A mans bed is his best friend. But,
just to show mans ingratitude, see how
he will turn his back on it-LQureace
American.
Ted-"Why don't you take your girl
skating" Ned-"She doesn't know how"
Ted-"Lucky fellow, There's where all
the fun comes in."-Lye.
The man who starts out to make the
world honest has a big contract on his
hands. A globe cannot be made square.
n. Y. Commercial Adrrtiser.
She came into the theeter
And down she proudly sat
Then footed forth the orchestral
Where did you get that hat?'-
- Washington star
There is good deal of talk among Con-
gressmen ABOUT fourth-class postmasters.
But what the public wants to see is not so
much fourth-class postmasters as frst-class
Congressmen-B Boston Transcript.
Briggs-"Hello, what's your hurry?'
Braggs-"I am going down to kill an edi-
tor. | sent a communication in signed
'Honestas,' and the blamed fool added an
extra S to it."-Terre Hdute Express.
An Atchison man, who has made it
principle all his life to get as much as he
can for his money, surprised his friends
last fall by marrying a woman who
weighed only eighty pounds-AtchiSon
Globe.
Springboy-"What a pity | don't live
in England | might get into the poets
trust if l did" Bix5y mot poet)-
"Poet's trust What under heaven is
that?' "Well, it is sometimes called the
Poets Corner Time
Mrs. Gotham Ito Mrs. Southchurch of
Boston )-'Have you taken much interest
| in this discussion of what Heaven is like ?"
Mrs. Southchurch-"Oh,n no! For | am
| quite convinced that heaven is simply Bos-
ton on a large scale."-Puck.
Father-"My son, you should take
lesson from the poultry" Fresh Son-''I
do father" 'lf you did you would be up
earlier in the morning than you are"
''But don't the hens always lay in the
Hloi oihinS, ldlIleI = OHteFS OtuttSHtttH.
Mrs. Rustler Ito her husband 81 GER
tainly wish, dear, that you would keep up
appearances more and dress better. Now
| look at Mr.. Slasher, who moves in our set,
how stylish he lsw Rustler-"You forget,
dear, that it was but recently that Slasher
| failed. ."-Clothier and Furnisher.
GLOW would you like to be page in
| Congress- Willie?" said travelling man
to his son. ''Not very well, papa" was
the reply. "Why not% "Reause Con-
gress might take a notion to turn over a
new leaf, and there's no telling where it
would leave me."-Merchunt Trdreier.
Miss Emory Hugh (at the glove counter)
See here, young woman, you have will
! fully cheated me. You marked these
gloves fves, but when | got home found
| they were two sizes larger. There n Sales
girl-"But. madam, they fitted you to per-
| fec Severely )-"What has that got to
do with it ?'-Dry Goods Chronicle.
We parted in silence. we parted by night
On the bank OF Il beautiful river;
No sound but .gurgle, as out of my sight
| Swift she sank with scarcely shiver
The nightingale warbled, the stars sweetly
And though she will rise again never.
No sorrow was shown for the life that had
flown,
For the cat is silent forever
Colby Echo.
Mrs. Phondyze with subdued pride)-
"This is my little Elsie; just three months
old to-day" Mrs Chatphast-"Three
months? Is she, really? Oh, well Ten
! couragingly), when her hair grows, and
she gets some teeth, it will make all the
difference in the world But, talking of
ugly babies, if you could see my cousin
Dora's last, you would think this one
quite a beauty" PUCK