davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
WHlMS OF The WITS.

fascinating agent-"Can / see the
lady of the house. please?" Bridget
Yer luckin' at her, young man.
DoLAS-''Sure an Oh c.a't foind the
matches" O'Kelly-'.Thin stbrike a
loight and LUX for them, like sinsible
person.
\ WEALTHY and popular Austrian. re-
Gently lost 100000 ioriRs at baccarat.
and now he has not money enough "a
even back rat-errier in a pit.
Yrs, said the poet to the boy. as he
stepped into the elevator, Il am going
up. l want to feel once more in nv life
that I'm Il rising poet
MY wife is practicing with dumb
bells" proudly exclaimed a would-be
athlete. DO you find them anv softer
than fat-irons?" queried wag who over
heard the remark.
a LADY in court being asked her age,
replied that she didn't know: She
couldn't remember the exact hour she
was born, and could only depend on
hearsay- Hearsay is not evidence, and
the matter was ruled out.
SOCIAL AGITAToR-''Isn't it a shame
the way they work the help in this
store? Fifteen hours day and wages
almost nothing" why
DO you trade here?" Social Agitator-
'Oh. they sell things so much cheaper
WELL, Mr.. Hicks Dolly. " said the law
yer. what can l do for you to-day?''
Il want you to sue the Bazoo for libel -
Libel, Ell? How did the Bazoo libel
you?' ''Oh, it was awful! They pub
lished my name without my hyphen."
\ WOMAN in a theater recently became
so excited by the Vaccinations of the
villain that she threw her bonnet at
him. Everybody in the audience APP
plaudcd- the gentleman who sat behind
her being particularly enthusiastic in
the expression of his approval.
\ BosToNIAN greatly annoyed by a
woman in 4 room over him playing a
piano pcrsistently and wretchedly met
her in the hall one day, with her three
year-old daughter, and remarked:
Your little daughter plays well for Z
child OF her age; l hear her practicing
every day"
An amateur was showing some of her
paintings to professional, who advised
her to send one to d coming exhibit
llon. she OBJECTED, saying the Work
was not good enough. He replied. in a
most reaSsurin- manner: "Oh. yes, in
deed; it will be accepted. There is lots
Of trash there"
YOUNG MANI understand YOU want
4 young man to help edit your paper
Ejitor-''Yes, sir; have you had any cx-
pcrience?~ Young Mani have
taken one torn in journalism at the Cor
nell University. and =" Editor-''That
will do. You may take my desk and go
10 work and III go and run the eleva tor
Please be as kind to the rest of the stall
as you can
JONES and Brown were talking lately
of 4 young Clergyman whose preaching
they had heard that day. The sermon
was like man mentioned in certain
iography-''vory poor and very pious."
''What do you think Of him?" asked
Brown. Il think, said Jones. The did
much better two years ago" why.
he didn't preach then" said Brown.
True" replied Jones, that is what l
mean"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
NEVER BETS ON HIS OWN HORSE.

the testimony of thousands of women who
have been cured by it of 9 weakness, y . ir-
regularities," and all the peculiar diseases
from which their sex suffers so much,
proves that his faith was well founded.
As powerful, invigorating tonic, " Fa-
vorite Prescription imparts strength to the
whole system, and to the womb and its
appendages in particular. For overworked,
WORKOUT " rundown" debilitated teach
ers. milliners, dressmakers, seamstresses,
. shop girls" housekeepers, nursing moth
ers, AND feeble women generally, DIR.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription is the greatest
earthly boon, bHng unequaled as an ap-
petizing cordial and restorative tonic, or
strength-giver.
As soothing and strengthening nerv-
inc, Favorite Prescription is unequaled
and is Invaluable in allaying and subdu-
ing nervous excitability, irritability, ex-
haustion, prostration, hysteria, spasms and
other distressing, nervous symptoms, COM
monty attendant upon functional and
organic disease. 1t induces refreshing sleep
and relieves mental anxiety and despond-
6ncy.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

They tell Il good story of a man who has
a fondness for fast horses. A year or two
ago he had one that was said to be ''fiyer,n
and marvellous stories We're told of what she
had done, and was capable of doing. But
an intimate friend noticed that the owner
of the wonderful horse never staked any
money on her.
"Why don't you back her for good,
round sum. if she can do what you claim
she can 90 he asked That would prove
that you had confidence in her, but as it
it is"
See here, my friend" said the other,
with a twinkle in his eye, 'don't YOU know
me well enough to know that I'm too modest
to bet Oh my own nag especially when feel
sure that she can't come out ahead z"
When man knows he can accomplish
what be undertakes, he doesn't feel too mod
est to say so. When DR.. Pierce put his
'sFavorite Prescription" before the public
as a certain remedy for g female weakness, !"
with g satisfaction guaranteed or money re
funded on every bottle of it, it proved
that he had entire confidence in the prep
aration. He felt sure of its merits, and
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
COMMERCIAL CLIPPINGS.

THE bee industry is quite important
in Ireland. About 80. 900 swarms were
kept last year, producing some 500, 200
pounds of honey. Ulster county is the
center of this business.
TIE English market is largely supplied
with Danishbutter furnished by the CO.
operative creamerics OF that highly-cul-
tivated country. English farmers are
greatly alarmed at this competition. al
though twenty per cent. of the receipts
for Danish butter are required to pay
the TRANSPORTATION and selling charges.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
Decay. the Universal Law.

Let anything in nature become Ifeless
and inactive and decay follows as a usual
sequence. Decay is the universal law. Can
you wonder when a person feels constantly
worn out and more than half dead. that de-
cay of the lungs or kidneys sets in. They
say that decay of the lungs consumption
and decay of the kidneys (Bright's diseasel
is incurable. Who says so: Only those
experimental doctors who have failed
Don't despair. While there's life, there S
hopei In checking decay of the lungs or
kidneys, in preventing further liberation,
II is essential that all blood impurities
should be removed, and an Alternative inf1u-
ence exerted upon the whole system. The
appetite and digestion must both be i'm
proved. The nervous system soothed and
sleep, natures sweet restorer, invited and
encouraged. Energy must be aroused and
mental depression banished. In this mo-
mentous rallying effort DIR. John Bulls
Sarsaparilla Is an essential ally TO nature.
Use this remedy. 1t has restored many to
health and strength, even after doctors mad
given up all hope.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
ECONOMY NOT AVARICE.
Under No Circumstances Should Expense.
Exceed Income.

Exceed income.
Economy does not mean to pinch and
be stingy in order to grow rich in world
" possessions. 1t does not demand a
denial of moderate luxuries and the
pleasures of a comfortable existence. so
that dollar upon dollar can be laid
aside. That would be parsimony. One
NAV practice strictest economy. and vet
have plenty and be liberal Prudence
and judicious management of capital
at hand. never making an expenditure
reckleSsly, without reflection-this is
what constitutes true economy. 1t is
not so much the amount paid out, as for
what purpose that sum, however small,
has been spent. The great secret of
success in practical economy lies in
careful consideration of petty expenses,
and rational distinction between what
is essential and what is superfiuous.
The smaller item should not be unde-
serving of recognition.
Under no circumstances should ex-
penses exceed income. 1t is always
more profitable to pay spot cash" than
to contract debt, which should not be
done unless unavoidable. Never should
Indebtedness be incurred in anticipa-
ton of expected gain. Expectations
are not realizations; the debt i certain
and must be met; the gain-wellf
there is many slip" Economy should
be practised in time of youth. its results
to be prudently preserved for unfore
seen sickness. need, misfortune and in
evitable feeble and helpless age. Its
observance calls for no peculiar trait of
character in the individuals; it simply
requires determination and strength of
will to resist selfish qualification. Fur
Their, it may demand education, that is,
that the power of extrayagant habit
must be trained to succumb to the
power of economic ducation.-Chris-
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
WILLING TO COMPROMISE.
Why the Victim of the BagSage-Smasher
Withdrew His Claim.


.'Forty-seven dollars, please" he said
to one of the baggage-checkers at the
Third Street depot
''What-for-who-w
"Forty-seven dollars for me- This
road busted my trunk and ruined every
thing in it
>,Oh! see. Well. you'll have to go
about it in the regular way"
''How's that?'
File your claim and a list of contents
and swear to every thing"
How long before l get my money!"
May he six months and may be
never. That depends on what sort of
case you have"
ANY writing to be done?"
''Of course
''Got TO spell out every article?"
Certainly
Got 20 write in ink?"
Yes"
Then l withdraw my claim. I've
been out in Montana. and it took me six
months TO write letter home asking for
sixty dollars, and six more for EN- TO
make out what l wanted and send on
the money. just hunt up an old box
for me to put my socks and collars in
and | won't file no claim. Detroit Free
Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
STATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO,
4 Z SS.

senior partner of the firm of F. j. Cheney
& Co., doing business il the City of Toledo.
County and State aforesaid, and that said
firm will pay the sum Of ONE HUNDRED DOL
LARS for each and every case of Catarrh
that can not be cured by the use of Halls
Catarrh Cure Franz j. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed in my
presence, this 9Th day of December, A. D. 1886.
lsEALl A. W. GLEASON, Notary Public.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally
and acts directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Send for testi-
monials, free. F. j. CHENEY & Co, Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists. 75c.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

The man who should pass through life
without experiencing twinge of indiges-
ton might fifty be regarded as wonderful
phenomenon. We doubt if such privil-
eyed mortal has ever existed. If so, we have
never seen him. But thousands are known
to be daily relieved of dyspepsia by Hostel
for that national complaint, as well as for
fever and ague, debility, consti alton. rheu-
matism and kidney troubles.
OBESITY induces to inactivity. That's
probably why the fat Office never seeks the
man.-Bmg hamton Leader
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

Interested Spectator-Miss- if / may
ask the question, what are you cow
hiding that man for?
Enraged Young Woman vigorously
plying the whip about her victims face
and head)-The infamous liar told a
friend of mine that ] was not lady!
The scoundrel, I'll show him. Stand
aside. gentlemen,
IWhack. Whack Whack. Chicago
Tribune.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
Our EEsEGh Jane,

Our Hannah Jane was thin and weak,
And ashy white her lip and cheek.
We often thought-and thought with pain,
I'VE soon must lose our Hannah Jane.f'
With change of doctors, change of air,
She sought for healing everywhere.
And. wbeT. our hopes were almost past,
Fav0rIte Prescription tri ed at last.
1T gave US joy IL gave US hope.
She ceased to pine, she ceased to NOPE,
Pierce's remedies sure and true
Now Hannah janet good as new.
DR.. Fierce's Favorite Prescription is the
rnl Y medicine for women, sold by druggists,
znder a poSitiue guarantee from the inanufact-
lrers, that it will give satisfaction IN every
case, or money will be refunded This
guarantee hes been printed on the bottle
wrapper. and faithfully carried out for
many years.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

1t is very important in this age of vast
material progress that a remedy be pleas
ing to the taste and to the eye. easily
taken. acceptable to the stomach and
healthy in its nature and effects. Possess
ing these qualities. Syrup of Figs is the one
perfect laxative and most gentle diuretic
known.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

In another place in this paper will be seen
an advertisement of the Hartman Manu-
featuring Company, of Beaver Falls Pa.
They are an enterprising, reliable firm, and
have great deal of testimony Z; show that
the Hartman Steel Picket Fence is the best
thing of the kind on the market You can
find out all about it by writing for particu-
lars.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

have read and heard great deal
about restraining a COW from kicking,
and have tried AL the methods at differ
ent times, and failed, until l hit upon
the following, which / think will com
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

Sir Norels Free, viii be sent by Cragin &
Co, Philada, Pa, to any one in the L. :. or
Gahaaa, PG}stage Pala, upon recelPS go OF %
of novels on circulars around each bar
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

Ny son is affected with weak lungs and
has tried various treatments, but Bulls Sar-
@parilIa has done more good than all other
medicine l cheerfully make this state
ment for the benefit Of the aff1icted.-Joh ohm
S. McGee, Horse Cave, KY.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

TIE fisherman considers it part of his
business to scale the heiOhts Of fiction
4onkers Gazette
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

PARENTS, you do yourselves and your chill
dren great injustice if you fail to give your
children DR.. Bulls " orm Destrcyers. Many
little lives are sacrificed by such neglect.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

a TEA-KETTLE can sing when it is merely
nIled with water. But man, proud man. is
no kettle.-Terrc Haute Express
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

WHEN broker loses al MS money he's
dead broke; but Ehen he dies he's a dead
broker.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

MUST not be COMPOUNDED with common cath
artic or purgative pills. Carters Little Liv-
er Pills are entirely unlike them in every re-
spect One trial will prove their superiority.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

DR. PIERCE-s Pellets-cleanse and regulate
the stomach, bowels and system generally.
One dose: purely vegetable.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

SHAD roes by any other rcme would
doubtless taste about tie same.-Berkshire
News.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

IT frequently turns out that the queen OF
diamonds is a knaye of hearts.-Ashland
Press
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

THERE is usually something on foot when
man takes his way to the chiropoQist--
Boston Courier
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
A Wonderful Pben

MANY 4 maiden lady's age is marked
down at low figure that she may be dis
posed of at a bargain.-Rome Sentinel
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

AN exasperating coincidence-that coal
should always come down at the same time
the stoyepipe does. -Burlngton Free Press
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

RUSSIAN students sun sing ''Gcd Preserve
the Car, but they don't say in what--Sal
Francisco Alta.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

THE Grip of Pneumonia may be warded of
with Hale's Honey Of Horehound and Tar
Plke-s Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

THE man with big family is a fat fai,-
ure, from the landlords point Of view
Puck
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

MONEY talks. but occasionally the sales
lady cries Cash ,''-PittsbVrgh Chronicle
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15
Ghesehrough Mfg. Co.. "a State ST., n. Y.

IL IL USED by CIsILs
DREN'S CHILDREN.
Thousands OF young men and
women in re q. 3. A. owe
their lives and their health and
their happiness 10 Ridges Food
their daily diet in Infancy
and Childhood having been
Ridges Food. BY Druggists,
35 cents up. WOOLRICH
d. CO.. Palmer. Mass-
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

BILIoUsNEss. dizziness. nausea, headache,
are relieved by small doses of CATERS Lit
tie Liver Pills.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

RICH fragrant fine are the expressions oil
those who smoke ''Tansill's Punch; SC Cigar
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

IT'S the guest who is refused permission
to run up Il bill who runs down house
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

BEST. easiest to use and cheapest. Piso's
Remedy for Catarrh. By druggists 25c,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

A TITLE often sells book as easily as it
buys an heiress.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15


Then they would pay no lax said
the witness.
Mr.. Wherry said that about quarter
of the farms in Pennsylvania would be
found so.
Then wouldn't your tax mean con-
fscatlon?" asked Mr.. McCamant.
Il am not terrified by that word, gen.
tlemen." was the smiling reply Il
hrye heard it before. If so, there would
be a different confiscator. The contis-
Gator would not be the land Spectator.
Would not man be entitled to a
h,nus for increasing the value of the
surrounding property by his own i'm
provcments,' asked Mr.. Wherry-
NO. He improves it to >ertain OK
tent. but the people who go down Chest
mt street are those who make the pro
pertv valuable" was the rejoinder,
Then Mr.. Stephenson said that the as
sessed value of Philadelphia was about
$500. 600. 600. As 1t was usually assessed
at sixty per cent of its value. its real
vaIue was about 500. 900, 600. Subtract
half as due 70 improvements and tax the
other half as land value four per cent
and the city would get about Sao,ooo,0oc
af agaips. SIS, 1000 600 spent by the city
in 1889.
T. L. Shoemaker added that by cal
culation based upon our 200 miles OF
paved streets and COO miles OF unpaved
streets he estimated a land value OF
500. 900. 900. which, at three per cent,
would give city revenue of S21, year.
..You must adopt this single SYSTEM
he said. with earnestness, or continue
20 fine men for telling the truth or fms
them for their industry.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

y0fIHe MEN Learn Telegraphy and Railroad
uOOHO MIN Agents Business here and secure
good situations write J. ID. BROWN, Sedslia, Mo-
arAAxk THIS PAPER sssy Gas yss VITA
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-05-15

| Co, Philada Pa to any one in the L. s or
| Canada, postage paid upon receipt of %
| Dobbins' Electric Soap wrappers. See list
| Of novels on circulars around each bar.
| SHAD roes by any other r.me would
| doubtless taste about tie same.--Berks hire
| News.
MUST not be COMPOUNDED with common cath
| artic or purgative pills. Carter's Little Liv
| er Pills are entirely unlike them in every re-
| spect One trial will prove their superiority.
| IT frequently turns out that the queen of
| diamonds is knaye of hearts.-A shland
. Press
| PARENTS you do yourselves and your chill
dren great injustice if you fail to give YOUR
| children DR.. Bulls Worm Destrcyers. Many
| little lives are sacrificed by such neglect
| THE man with a big family is fat tai,-
| ure, from the landlords point of view.-
| Puck
| THE Grip of Pneumonia may be warded of
| with Hale's Honey Of HOrehound and Tar
| Pike s Toothache Drops Cure in one minute
| MONEY talks. but occasionally the sales
| lady cries ''Cash!'-Pittsb'rgh Chronicle
BLIoUsSEss dizziness. nausea, headache,
are relieved by small doses of Carter's Lit
| tie Liver Pills.
IT'S the guest who is refused permission
| to run up bill who runs down a house
| RICH fragrant fine are the expressions of
| those who smoke '.Tansill's Punch; SC Cigar
A TITLE often sells book as easily as it
buys an heiress.
BEST. easiest to use and cheapest. Piso's
Remedy for Catarrh. BY druggists. 25c.
THE undertaker's favorite exercise is
boxing.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1890-07-01
Noun! +: Carroll f: Seminary,
The Dread

LITERARY PERIODICAL
Of 81 quarto pages <including
cever) published bv the
Dread Society Of
MT. CARROLL SEMINARY.
Az the organ and exponent
Of the Institution from which
en,enates, THE DREAD aims to
set forth plainly and fairly its
merits, and the facilities It
offers those seeking a desirable
place to acquire ! thorough
practical education. Such be-
Ing its aim. 1t is obviously the
interest Of every patron, and
all seeking 4 school to patron.
ize, to receive The DREAD.
Address, Financial Manager.
Mt. arrOll, Carroll county, III.
aud sample copy free.
Az an advertising medium,
The DREAD has few superiors
outside the largest cities.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1890-07-01

dations furnished. The courses over
study are extended. The work done is
required to be thorough and prao.
tloal. Its CONSERVATORY or
MUSIC r"nks among the best West or
East.
Its Art Department is Superior.
The NORMAL DEPARTMENT IA
excellent and it's graduates readily COM
m"nd the best positions, many occupy
ing prominent places in come Of the
first Schools, Senlinaries and Colleges
Of the West. A department of sten.
ographv and Typewriting meets
the growing demand for young women
in this line Of work. There they msy
become fitted to Office work to which
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1890-07-01

they may prove better adapted than TO
teaching, to which 90 many turn.
DIPLOMAS are conferred on those
completing satisfactorily any Of the
prescribed courses.
MEDALS are presented those who At
tain superior excellence In the
Conservatory Or Art Course.
Among the distinguishing features OF
this Institution is the aid given to
WORTHY GIRLS Of MARKED ABILITY with
but small means to gain 4 preparation
for usefulness. We can safely say there
IL no Institution in the country that gives
the "helps" and encouragement to de-
vrlop superior womanhood givon .
M0antC Carroll Seminary.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1890-07-01
For HcaltlfQlness itis Remarkable

Only one death among the students in
20 years-but two in the history of the
school (35 years)-both from chronic
ailments, for which they were under
treatment when they entered the Insti-
tuition. Such record of health among
SO large number is rarely found.
Expenses moderate, for the aceommo-
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1890-07-01

THIS Institution has opened ito 37th
L year under the same President. Its
success with its Conservatory Of Music
scarcely has a peer. Its location is de-
lightful. Access easy, being on the c.,
NJ. & St. P. Ry, line Of nearly 5000
miles, opening communication with all
parts Of the country.