The Irish standard., 1890-03-01
b Y 10 US BRENTWOOD

An engagement is q very fragile thing.
y cannot be dropped without breaking
u
People who wait for dead mems shoes
I generally frd The d WON ont when they
gefth
He never swears at the proofreader.'
He must be an angel"
No. He's proof, himself"
Amateur humorist ito bowlegged boy
A. Do yt u always walk like that sonny.
Boy Nav. / sometimes run.
McFirgle twal] fowering)- What an
elegant dress Miss Hauteur has on! It
must have come high.
sst M. Fan gle-lf it did it has dropped
down good deal.
Mr.. Odbeau.-Ah, my dear Miss
SoutLmayd. your face is the very mirror
of truth
Miss Southmayd--Not when you are
looking into it, sir.
''You say you would die for me!'--
eyes" he said. earnestly ''That's just
like you men," said she, you would
slide out OF life and leave me with al
undertaken bill on my hands,"
''Ma, I think pa and the men in the
other men are playing cards"
e.The idea! What makes you think
that, my son?"
"Why, I hear them whistling religious
songs.'
A Boston paper. at the close Of long
article, asks this question: ''Are the
young ladies of the present day fitted
for wives?" A much more important
inquiry is, whether they are fitted for
husbands.
Solemn man.-"No, sir, never fish.
T think it ia decidedly wrong.
Cbipinone Don't like to be so
cruel to the fish,"
:, Solemn Man,-sNo; I don't mind
hurting the fish, but. I think it is wrong
to'lie."
Mrs. S]attery Ito her servant)-Come
right tn here. Mary, and eat your supper
with the ia nilY.
Mary No, thank zee, mum; l only
came here to earn my wages-not to be
looked down on.
Msbel-Let's play house; I'll be the
mother. George-Yes, and I'll be the
father. Clara-And I'll be the cook.
Mabel and George (indignantly)-Yes
that's Just you! You always want to be
boss of everything.
II do not think, madam said hus-
band when taking his wife to task, ''that
any man OF the least sense would ap-
prove of your conduct. ''sir." she
replied, "perhaps you are the best
judge of what people of the least sense
would do.''
Arthur (jnst beg1nn1og his French)-
Papa. is the French word for money of
Che feminine or masculine gender?
Father-Feminine. Of Counsel
''Wby, papa?"
because. haven't you heard that
money talks?'
M,nnie-I don't see how young Wal
tiers ever got up the courage to marry
the girl he did. Heis so awfully bashful
you know.
Mam,e-That's just it. He was so
bashful that he didn't know how 70 get
away from her.
Rev. Mrs. Poorlypa1d-If you want
me to fix your trousers, darling, you'll
have to go down and buy some buttons.
Rev. Mr., Poorlypaid-Oh, that's a
needless expense, my. dear. I am going
to take up COLLECTION for foreign mis-
sions tomorrow.
Hell got letter from Cousin Tom
to-day. He says he is engaged to Mol
lie Jennings. OF course, he paints his
future bride in glowing colors and all
that sort of thing. She-So far as that
is concerned, Mollie is pretty expert in
painting herself IN glowing colors.
.'Oh, Edward, why are you SO late9 I
have been so frightened"
Edward (who has taken IN cham
payne supper)-'Portant bishnish, M
dear.
..Wouldn't it keep till to morrow?
tsNo. love; not after corksh drawn"
The slowest walking horses in the
world are to be found in Germany.
aThey are trained to slow gate on the
theory that the slower they move the
better they will keep their flesh. A
great many American livery men seem to
have caught on to this idea in the last