The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1890-02-28
SOME DAY.

and be a right good fellow. He is going
to join the church and get ready to pass il
his checks when the grim old conductor,
death, calls them in for the last station.
He is going to be amiable to his wife and
family, commencing Monday morning and
kee ping it right up until the next Sunday
after midnight.
Oh, yes, indeed, there is no doubt about
it the some days" hang for all of us
like ripening plums on the tree of life, and
we mean to pick the branches clean before
we die. AS for me, behold a few of my
" fast mellowing some days"
Some day | am going to earn $40 over
and above grocer bills, and shoe bills, and
coal bills, and 1 am going to join the Hu-
name society and make things lively. I
shall take my stand on a street corner and
arrest every brute who overloads a horse
and every created being who abets him in
doing so. The able bodied people who
crowd into street cars and expect two
half dead rats of horses to drag them up
a slippery grade; all men who leave nose
bags GA their horses above a reasonable
length of time, shall be whisked away to-
gether to Joliet, and made to put up and
take down stove pipes for a solid year.
Some day the cab driver shall find him.
self without a whip, the dude shall be
forced to drive his nag without a high
check rein, and the half grown boy who
yanks his horses bit so constantly as he
drives through town shall find himself d.
rectly in front Of a strong mans boot.
Some day the woman who knows no
more about bringing up children than a
cat knows about Beethoven shall find her.
self childless and back in school to learn
the rudiments of hygiene, physiology and
common sense. She who feeds a baby
strong tea and coffee, she who allows a
growing child to sit up till midnight, she
who takes a 2-year-old to the matinee and
slaps it because it is afraid, she who puts
French heels or laced corsets on her young
daughters and provides wine and high sea-
soned food for her sons, shall go back and
start from a ~protoplasm to see if she can
sprout q soul if God gives her another
chance.
Some day tardy justice shall overtake
the s'masher'' and I'll be there to see, His
soul, like a filthy rag, shall be cast into re-
fuse. and all the bats and crows and car
rion birds that inhabit his brain shall be
let loose and fly way like a screaming
brood of night before the dawning of the
day. What will be left of him them Just
as much as is left of a chicken when a
cyclone strikes it, or of a dandelion when
the prairie fires overtake it.
Some day I shall attain unto sufficient
moral courage to refuse to be pumped
by willy enemies.
Some day l shall cut my last wisdom
tooth and sit with the wise on pedestals of
peace, from which my own folly shall
overthrow me no more forever.
Some day 1 shall understand why hated
"Dr. Fell"
Some day I shall not only know enough
to 90 in, but to stay IN when it rains.
Some day I shall decide that it is not
worth while to sow wheat on rock or try
to draw water from dry wells. In other
words, I shall give up trying to cultivate
uninteresting people merely to keep up a
social farce.
Some day I shall learn that honesty is
vastly better han policy, and shall cut
loosefrom conventionaIities and formalities
that fetter the soul.
Some day | shall find that one tried and
true and faithful friend, who tells the
truth and does not ~fiatter, is better than q
whole palace car full of ~sycophants and
honey tongued p~raisers who ride at your
expense and make your vanity their treas
urer and purse carries.
Some day | shall sing at the funeral of a
woman who chews a toothpick on the pub
lie street.
Some day l shall dance on the grave oil
the car driver who is always dreaming OF
his best girl while l hopelessly signal him
from the''upper crossing of an intersecting
street or from the middle of long block
Some day l shall find a comrade brave
enough to join me in a veritable dress re-
form and wear ''leglets, though onlook-
ing men 60 mad with glee.
Some day l shall meet the female gum
chewer alone upon a windy sea, and therell
be only one of US left to buy a tolu stick at
two for a cent, while the sad and sub
sequent years of time roll by.
Some day l shall cote the theatre and find
that my press tickets call for a seat where |
can both see and hear, and when the fend
enters who always arrives late a specia
band of imps shall meet him and bear him
straight TO tophet.
Some day | shall have an answer rsady
for my adversary and not wake up in the
night to regretfully remember what
might have said to confound him.
Some day l shall forget the word mic
robe and remember no more the bishop
bacteria. whose advent among the sons of
men has wrought disaster to my mucuo
membrane.
Some day l shall know why more honor
was awarded Nellie BLY, than is awarded
the every day heroes and heroines who
struggle against odds and more than cir
eamnayigate the globe in their weary round