Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-02

InaI Will chase Ine WOiI hunger Irom Eth
| again
Act now like you acted beforei
NEW YORK policemen have had great deal
of experience clubbing heads, but may not be
| good at counting noses.
1T will soon be the peoples turn to unseat
congressman, Mr.. Reed.
THE small boy in his first pair of long boots
does not realize what life is until he wades q
flushed gutter.
BABIES alone enjoy the pleasure of pulling
whiskers.
| THREE Ps-Paddock, Plumb and Pettigrew
60 down into history as the only Ps who could
| not mind their Qs.
You cannot quite Judge the chaperoned girl
| by her actions.
THE oil poured upon the troubled political
| sea by the petroleum producers is not calming
| it by any means.
THE President probably signed the tariff
bill with a gold pen.
PrTTsBURG Councimen are not averse to
looking gift horse in the mouth. This is a
breach of etiquette. gentlemen.
THERE'S great deal in a name after all. If
Mayor Gourley puts his name to the Poor
Farm deed there will be over q quarter of a
| million dollars in it.
The idolshattering fiends are actively at
work in these great delving days. DR.. Depew
has knocked the romance out of the Capulet
bay window. and l find in Hawthorne's Note
Book paragraph which positively states that
| after the Mayfower landed the Pilgrim
Fathers safely on the natural wharf at Plym-
outh she sailed away for Africa and returned
with a cargo of slaves which were dumped into
Old Virginia. Thus do the idols of our fathers
| fall before their inquisitive children.
| PUT away the mace and gavel,
| Pack with care the cold tea urn;
No more kicking, no more travail
Tariffs settled-now adjourn.
SEVERAL brokers are in pawn.
CANDIDATE PATT1soN is rolling through
cheers up IN the Oil country. If they vote as
they shout be will be well rewarded.
THE girl who weeps in secret drops a
privateer.
The butter sold by the oleomargarine Trust
is not to be trusted.
THE fellows who sold pools will be taken to
Jail in Herdic If Judge White has his way.
He's coaching the grand jury In this work at
all events.
DEAD men tell no tales. They rely on their
biographers.
TELEPHONE sermons are all right but they
cannot pass the contribution box by wire. The
gospel is free, but the preacher must have his
salary just the same.
THE shooting Of coored folk seems to have
been shifted from Mississippi to Allegheny
| county. One day is about the average now.
LIKE knights of old. on field of gold,
They now the world defy.
In tariffs fold they stand SO bold,
Wrap't in iron panoply.
THIS is the finest season Of the year. Next
week it will be jparadisical. Congress and base
ball will not be with US any more.
DR. KOCH has concluded that consumptives
go off at half cock. He proposes to prove this
by meteorological experiments If he can get
patients to practice upon.
DUTY now calls and the customs officials will
probably obey.
GREAT deal hinges on horses gait during
a race.
The Marine Band should have played the
Rogue's March when Reeds gavel dropped and
the curtain fell in Congress.
THE tariff bill will stand even if 1t isn't strict
ly Plumb.
WOMEN should be happy after all. They are
seldom bored by life insurance agents.
If wealth was not Haunted in the face Of the
poor they would not feel so miserable.
THE bookkeeper who snakes away the funds
could appropriately be called adder.
THE dressmaker who makes a bad 1T gets
fits every time.
vEeETARIANs like to meet each other occa-
sionally
L1aHT-HEADED people have to strike matches
in the dark just like other folk.
DON'T visit graveyards to hunt up the life
records of the dead.
THE records Of some Congressmen can be
measured with foot rule.
It's easier to talk about the bad acts of others
than to act rightly ourselves.
WILLIE WINKLE.
We Depend on Ireland.
From the Chicago Tribune.1
Once more the pugilistic pride of America is
humbled In the dust at the feet OF the boastful
Briton If Ireland cannot furnish this country
an American champion who can be depended
upon, 1T is high time we were knowiDgit