The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1890-09-25
SINGLE AND MARRIED MEN.
Kate Thorn Chats Pleasantly About the
Difference Between Them.

Kate Thorn Chats Pleasantly About the
Difference Between Them.
1t seems very little thing to stand
up for ten minutes before a Clergyman
and say over after him "I will" few
times, and after that to be kissed and
congratulated by a score of people you
have hardly seen before that time, and
who will ever after remain in your
memory collectively as her relations.
Marriage, we are told, is civil con-
tract, like great many other kinds of
contracts; but it will work more change
in man than three conversions, two
vaccinations, run of la grippe, rail-
way accident and two bankruptcies.
The married man can never again be-
come the single. His wife may die or
get divorced, or elope with another man,
but her husband can never go back to
the virgin state of single blessedness,
and he knows it, though he tries his
best to compass it.
A married man always carries his
condition with him, like trademark.
Anybody of average discernment can
detect him at glance.
He does not pinch his toes with tight
boots. He does not scent himself with
violets. He never parts his hair in the
middle. He keeps his seat in the horse
car when the pretty girl, laden with
bundles, comes in; he knows that his
wife wouldn't approve of his rising
He does not get up flirtations with the
good-looking saleswoman where he buys
his gloves; he remembers that little
birds are flying all around telling tales,
and he has horror of curtain-lectures;
somehow, married men never seem to
arrive at that state of beatitude. where
they do appreciate the kind of literary
performance known as curtain-lectures.
The married man has come to that
stage when he is convinced that the
way his necktie hangs may not be any
more important than his SOULS saliva
ton. He knows to certainty that true
happiness does not depend on the
amount of starch in his shirt-bosom, but
he will have to have been at least three
times welded before he will be able to
be reconciled to collar-band two sizes
small or one size large. The man who
| can smile at fate when it swoops down
upon him in the shape of an ill-fittine
collar-band is nearly ready for canoniza
tion.
The married man goes to sleep in
church He is placid when somebody's
baby cries at the play. He carries bun
dies with meekness. He knows the
prices of sugar and round steak. He
knows that bustles are going out Of
! fashion. He can distinguish between
false ''crimps' and those which grow
on the head. He knows that women put
their hair in papers. Powder is nc
longer a mystery to him. He can de-
tect it on the faces of his female friends.
and he looks out that it does not get OF
his coat, because his wife can detect it
too.
He is not distracted if she smiles OF
other men, as he once was He can reaC
the paper whole evening, and neve
think of squeezing her hand. He il
sleepy by nine o'clock. Before the.
were married he could sit up with he
till day-dawn and never dream of suct
thing as sleep. He longer loves hel
cat and dog. He frequently says tina
he wishes cats had been left out of tn,
scheme of creation. He has been know
to kick the unoffending animal. HI
has little sympathy for wifely head
aches. Once he was on the verge o
lunacy over any of her little ailments
now he is a great deal more concernet
as to what he is likely to have for din
ner. He doesn't spend any money o.
flowers. He lays it out in cigars in
stead.
He is no longer acting with purpos
in view-he has married her, and he
himself once more. just married man
and not an ideal, romantic, sonnet
writing lover.
And what about the single man?
just imagine him everything that tn
married man is not, and a great dea
more, and you will not come far shor
of the mark.-N. Y. Weekly.