Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1890-05-14
THE LlMEi<,LN CLUB.
HOE Candlellght JOHNSON DeIlsers Hla
Famous Address ON nMau !. 4, Il N

{ HOE CandlellRht johnson Dellsers Hla
FAM0us Address ON ssMau. q, 8fa
When the meeting opened Brother
Gardner announced that Hon. CANDLE
light Johnson, from Nova Scotia, was
IN inc ante-room, and would deliver his
celebrated address on MAN. The ad-
dress, " was hoped, would contain many
pointers OF interest, and Samuel Shin
was duly warned that any unnecessary
agitation on his part during che deliv-
ory would result in q hno OF ut least
", 600, II not indefinite suspension.
when the orator was escorted into tho
hall, he proved to be short, tut, one
story man Of faded raspberry color,
but he had the dignity Of man who
knows that no has five dollars In cash
IN his pocket and his board paid in ad-
vance, and no visible signs of embar.
rassment were apparent as he surveyed
the audience before him and began:
my frens, do subjicls OF my orashun
Tonight Is Man. 1t Is IN orashun dat
erected myself, widout any help. +
didn't steal 1t from Shakespeare, an I
didn't hire no white man to write It.
lsensation. was ober ten Vars gittin'
dis orashun together. went slow an
sure. didn't propose to fall into any
mistakes knowed dere was heap to
talk about, an wanted to git it oil In
whar' 1t belonged. will now purceed:
"Man! Who an what is man? What
was man created fur? Why was ho
created In de form of q man instead If
a hyena? What use is he? What was
he bon fur? In seekin' to answer desc
queshuns, my friens, you insensibly find
yourselves delving into do regions
Of philosophy an follerin' do un-
known paths OF speculashun. In
do fust place, what was do use
OF all dis world widout man? It would
simply be so much land an water gwine
to waste. Cries of Heart Hearvl
'Spose'n all desc yere rabbits an pos
sums an chickens were running around
widout any body to make use of EN-
what shameful waste of meat it would
be! [Groans. OATS one reason man was
put yere-to eat chickens and SIGH.
Yum yum!]
what Is man?" continued the speak
or, rs he shifted his weight to his left
leg. "He's substance composed Of
skin, blood, bones, teeth, toe. nails,
brains, ha'r, and SO on. He was created
fust, an out of do best goods in de mar
ket OATS de reason he's a heap pur-
tier dan dog or cat, Sensation. II
he had happened to hev bin created
along about fifth or sixth he might hev
bin grounding or whale.
Involuntary shivers. Oar ar seberal
different sorts of men, as moas' of
you probably know. Dey wasn't all
made of do same color nor in de same
shape, kase dat would hev bin monot-
onous. 1t would hev tried dc eye, same
as lookin' at flock of white sheep.
Oar am no sort O. .queshun In my mind
dat black used to DO dc moas' popular
color in dc beginnin' Of things ('hear!
hearty, but dc white man fo'ced his
way in an got hisself boosted up to dc
top by some some sort of gum game.
lGrowls and mutterings.1
''Did you eber stop to think why man
didn't grow to be ton feet high an to
weigh ton? You probably neber did,
an yit de cxplanashuns "ar' right to
hand. II he was ten or 'leven feet high
he could walk around no back yard Wild
out sawin' his neck on clothes
line, an II he weighed q ton, an
de roof OF his hen house sprung
leak, how'd he cher git up dar to
fix 1t? Great sensation.] Man was
bon to walk uprightly. Why wasn't he
bon to 60 on four legs, like dog? Dis
philosophical queshun probably nebber
occurred to your intellect but de reason
is plain. You couldn't hev crowded
ober ten of him into a street kyar at
once" Cries Of "A-h-h!']
The speaker hore paused to wipe his
heated brow and moisten his throat
with potash tablet, and, after q brlet
rest conLinued:
"While man is de highest order OF
creashun, he has at de same time got
de moas' low down traits OF character
about him. While on my way frew Can.
ada some man stole my umbrella from
under my very nose decided sensation),
an on two odder occashuns efforts war;
made to despoil mo of my sachel.
Dat was de work of man.
Would de lion, dc elephant
or dc grizzly bar descend to
SIGH petty meanness? [Cries of No!
never!] Wolves lib together in har-
mony, but man is allus in fuss. De
hyena knows when he's got good
thing, but man is allus wantin' better.
Take On old boss or a mewl an you kin
depend upon him cherry day in de
week. Take de average man an you
needn't expect to find him twice alike
de same day. [Applause from Elder
Toots, which was broken short by Give
adam Jones giving him kick OF
what use is man? He thinks he's heap
of use, but he's dun mistaken bout dat
De world was heah befo' he cum.
my frens," continued the orator, as
he frightened his left suspender an inch,
imam is a pore, useless, misguided crit
ter. He's generous one day an stingy
de next He's way up on de pinnacle of
greatness at ten o'clock in de mawnin',
and at three in de afternoon he'll dodge
around co'ner to git shet of givin' a
blind man cent. Crios of "That's so,
old man!] One day he'll put his hand
into his pocket an give an orphan asy-
lum a hundred dollars, an de next he'll
sue q pore man fur de value of two