The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1890-09-21

Knowlrdged that II was an uncomfortable posi-.
ton for me. sim I WAS thankful to he allowed
even so much, and ! thought / could trust both
nv own iutiu nee and her cdnstauCy.
The most devoted lover Is 1 VI IN ialSe po-
siiiou when lie comes INTO family OF which all
the members are united IN aduiatng yielding TO
aud generally spelling the girl he loves. Ir The
midst OF these SeiNte Nol >DlltIN MS llEhls al e
made TO look ike tyTauules, and tile more he
love. Jur more he utieudS. The jealousy which
is luseparabIe from luve-the doubt winch must
arise al tines when the door l. lefi open and he
who Will may come through and steal away lie
treasure, Ihe SICK suspicion that toitures Itself
more tnan any one else, the restless craving for
some a>suGduce-al this pu s the lover at dlS-
advantage. and makes his very love nuisance.
You veuul- want ease and pleasure; and Zoe
above all shraDk from tile gravity Of PASSION
iIldesceut bubble flung OF by the great
soul Of life - the very impersonallon Of
jOcund nirth and careless meTiInenL she was
Ike some humauiZed elf brought from the under
ground world of fairies 10 sc We a brief aupren-
tlceshlp to man and sorrow beneath the sun.
Like cloud, you could not hold her; Ike a rain
bow, you could not seize her. Beautiful tor
menlmg, nconSequeuL williul, she was the hu
man representative OF some gem-uke humming-
bird fitting out OF reach, but so SeGucfYely near
as TO seem close 10 your hand. Only when you
thought 10 have her she eScaped ana flashed ia
the sun Tar above yaur h-ad-g0nei gone! |
sometimes doubted II she had heart III all. /
sometimes doubted If size had soul like other
human beings. But her very wiiltuineSs was her
charm aud Tie more she eluded me the more she
compelled me to seek and follow after her. And
YET she was true. | knew that aflerward.
Ny three years probation had IN II suffering
enough 10 send many man mad. think was
sometimes almost mad. Ever nuctuatng be-
tween hope and doubt Jealousy and love, my
whole inner being was iasped and strained
Yet | dared not show what l felt. What kind Of
figure would a gloomy, sdturnine and tortured
lover cut in that house Of fscile gayety and easy
rul- l had 10 eat my heart out ia silence.
When l "Saw blood" | had TO paint in rose
color. When the world and all 1t contained
we're lying in the biackest shadow Of death, l
had 10 weave garlauds with the rest, and crown
the image of SORROW aud despair win roses wet
with tears for dew. But so far was 10 the good
OF tie aCcOunt-ZOe SIN seemed to Ike me best,
and NO other man had e0ms through the open
te1s and stolen my treasure. Thus the time
lsss,1, aud % het twenty rfSt birthday thf pro
HIl.ryn was removed. ~ P.nOaton was over
formally ell sged-ihe family cuusentng
- 1r means enthusiastically, but always ron
-eruug. itl Honorable folk bound by th-lT 1Wn
pG5r Sc ar1 Zoe herself seeming TO regard the
whole lbil- as a. joke rather nan a solemn VOW.
Tlis engagement, releasing me from the ter
fihi- cunstralut o. the last hree years, peTha ps
slacheueu tie former closest bonds too much
Perhaps tile knowledge that Zoe was now al The
least Professionally my own-openly assigned tC
Inc aud publicly betrothed-gave too grea
strength TO the feeling OF possession, of master
slip, which had all along not SO much lain dor
mabt as been IepIessed. do not wish TO excuse
myself. Perhaps alone was TO blame haC
harm ssed butterfly-caged hummiDg- bird
planted my field with flowers, then asked il Il
yield me fruit and grain. On NE was the shame
OF sin, as on me came the sOrrow OF sorrow
And yet loved her-heaven alone knows how
passionately!
None Of ZOe's family wished her TO marry me
They had no special objection TO me as man Oh
as fortune. By education l was their equal
IN birth aud fortune i shade their superior Ny
character stood WELL and II the ermlne Of my IN
was not entirely spotless 1t was not dIsgracefullI
stained nor smirched. Still, had l been twice
the man | was they would have dislse ed tn,
marriage. They loved her too well Themselves
to wish to part with her to anyone. This wa
true OF all; but Algeruon, the youngest brothe
and tie one Immediately before Zoe, was per
haps The most bOpelessiy irrecOucilable. Fl,
TOOK the engagement as In some sort of per
sOnal atfIont, ana he would have broken Ii OF l.
he cOuld. even al lie eleventh hour.