Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-01-11
JERUSHA IS GRIPPED.
Russian Influenza InVades Farmer
John Hayseed's Home.
HIS WIFE'S SLGVONlC DIALECT.
The NeighbOrs Contribute Divers Remedies
for the Disease.
TREATING THE GRIP ALPHABETICALLY
WRITTEN FOR THE DIsFArcH.l

Gay night. IL COME from IuTTln parbS, OIL,
stoppin' on the way at Boston an SOM
other favored corners of the vineyard to ge
acquainted, in its insinuatin'' way, with tn
elite. The elite'll all know him next time
without his card.
As was a stirrin' my stumps to get the
milk to the spring house before dark
Jerusha always had mighty uncertain
temper about strainin' milk by lamp ligh
4 was scared most out of my boots by I
noise that sounded like cross betw cen q
screamin' horse and 2O-inch buzz saw:
"Ketchum ketchu-m | ketchu--m
ketchu-m !' leetle louder an more risin'
in infection each successive time, an there
were four or fYe successive times.
"Well," says I, playfullY like. jest tC
keep up my spirits, for like as not was
goin' to be the one to ketchum; "Why don't
you ketchum an say no more about it: or Ii
it mouse got yeu treed on the washable? Il
"Jodathud Hadezeeds, says Jerusha con.
siderably nettled-it's sure sign Of storm
when she calls me anything but 'pap'-"you
dod sedt dod dat bilg. cd dod geeb be wadig
all digit, I'll 'ketchub' you pretty dlibely.
Cad you dzee ib geddig dat braided Rudzin
grib?"
AN EDUCATIONAL IDEA.
From the way she spoke could see that
it wasn't anything in English she had got,
but thought, in my fAcetious way, to cheer
her up bit; so says I. II hain't the least
objections to your gettin' 1t, provided it don't
come higher'n we can afford with wheat
an taturs sellin' down to rock bot
tom, but didn't know they threw in
the language for good measure. Eastern
learnin' it from a dictionary, should say.
A good plan to throw out at your next
meetin' for missionaries, provided you can
get Japanese grip, an Soudan grip an
good assortment of grips for other be-
nighted parts" Just there was inter-
rupted in my gentle play of humor, with the
churn-dash an "ketchum ke.chum ketch-
u-m !" again, until had counted two
more'n her best record, an Fido had upset
crock of cream an three pans Of milk,
tryin' to get onto the rat he thought his
mistress was settin' him after.
You better believe Jerusha'd q looked
mad then, only there want vacant place
left on her face to hang out any sign of it.;
the grip had a poster an foothills, an
nouncin' his arrival, coveIin' every feature
an hangin' down over the edges. You can
generally guess woman's feelin's from the
snap of her eye, but Snappin's too much in
reason to expect of an eye that has took on
twicet its natural size, tryin' to look like q
full moon done in beet-juice color, an
strainin' every nerve to peel itself or die.
JERUsHA wEEPs CoP1oUsLY.
It was big contract enough to weep all
over the total area of both them eyes stimuli
taneously, let alone snappin', but Jerusha's 5
orbs succeeded in gettin' over the ground
with sprinkler that often or oftener. But
for common, weekday purposes they want
worth cent. When come to tussle with
nv Sunday shirt. that she had in her mendin'
basket for repairs that week, I'll be failed
ii she hadn't Sewed every last button up an
down the buttonhole side of the house, an
left the button side lookin' as lonesome as
stable with the hosses stolen. An saw
her empty q pan OF her best cream into the
swill pail, for sour milk, an try to fasten
her back hair in top-knot with ten penny
nail, an such other little eccentricities
more becomin' one moon struck, than the
respectable mother of six children.
But If the Rushin grip is hard on eye
sight, it's caution how it gets in its work
on an dDle-DOul6u OuElSLldn uOSe budB mas al
ways lived respectable an in plain Quaker
colors. s'pose bein' used to Rushin noses, 1t
ain T yet got acclimated to republican institu-
tions. Jerusha' nose was like a bag of clabber
hung to drip, for shape; and first cousin to
Colonel Jack Blunderbusses, for color, that
it cost him his fathers estate an his own to
bring to blushin' peony perfection. To tell
the truth, I've known of church meetin's
bein' called on less provoeation than such a
nose. but make it a rule not to tell all I
know when it's likely to prejudice my own
interests to do SO. This was one of the
times it was likely.
THE NEIGHBoRS VOLUNTEER HELP.
It was as much as bargain for Jerusha to
ret through her night work an anywhere
nigh half the remedies the neighbors pre-
,eribed. Every soul in Slabsides remem-
Dered cold an uncle, or grandfather, or
irst wife's second cousin once had, which
,hey'd scorned, as good American patriots,
20 doubt was any amount nastier to handle
han this upstart turin grip, if it was from
,he polar zone; an they had Just the herb
,r concoction that had caught 1t under the
nip an hoored it in no time. You don't
know how kind your neighbors be until you
have cold to doctor. The sum total of
What the hull neighborhood knew about the
business, an had been handed down to
hem from the forefathers an beforefathers,
vas poured at Jerusha's feet, freer'n water
It a wood bee, an in all STYLES an color of
lair an eyes, from boilin' hot to frozen
Iolid, an from sweet as honey to gall an
yormwood.
Jerusha couldn't listened to 'em all if
The would-an' she didn't would-an' if the
rack OF doom had been ringing in her ears
n sharps an fats, she couldn't heard it
n time to waslfher hands before Gabriel
.ome All she could do was to hold her
read between her hands for safe keepin' an
custody, as it were, an to prevent it
preadin' over more territory, like Kansas
and boom, So I was left to map out the
,ampaign. I drew 1t in red chalk on the
amb. Itspelled this: "Shut your eyes an
70 it blind" Icouldn't try all the sure
,ure stuff first, that was certain; an him as
lis wasn't tried first was going to feel
,fended. Bein' church member, couldn't
uggest drawin' cuts. The only thing
,ould think of-an' don't believe Julius
Cesar or Solomon ever hut cutter piece Of
to begin with A an admins
er the remedies in all the letters OF the al
,habet until glory perched on our banners.
AN ALPHABETICAL TREATMENT.
struck in with ammonia snufed up the
lose," which note from the parsons wife
aid had relieved her. Idon't know what
ome people would call relief. She omitted
o say up whose nose it was to be snuffed,
,ut the ammonia was equal to settlin' any
uch little question as that, which it did as
oon as Jake uncorked the bottle, by climb.
n up all our noses in full torce-except
Terusha's. Either It couldn't find the way
here, with the directions given, or else it
vas not acquainted with the furrin infuo-
my an wanted an introduction; but the
zeal ofthe ammonia was enough to
,r:ng suspicion an reprOach on its good in-
entions.
Auntie Swearingen lowed that quart Of
,oneset tea, drunk hot and without sweeten-
n, had war record back to the Revolu-
ion, in their family, for curin' colds
ook particular pains this time to inquire
Who was to drink it, an whether the effects
would be visited on, the drinker or the
lrinkee. did this to protect the interests |
# Jake and myself, for though Jake is only |
hired man, I'm not that much Of o
leathen to expose my hired help TO danger. |
As didn't low to give the enemy any
,reathin' spell, / followed the boneset mp |
Nth two tablespoonfuls Of cherry pectOral, |
hraa dover T,owdera an n fnl reoulation |