Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-07-28

You can easily fill the public eye if you
only have the dust.
Age brings US wisdom, but it doesn't
give US much time to use it.
A fool can never sit in corner; he is
always in the middle of the room.
L hear your picnic was a swell affair.
1t was, we all got stung by hornets.
The ancients excelled US in many things.
Now, there was Job, boiler that never
exploded.
A tea-kettle can sing when it is merely
filed with water. But man, proud man,
is no tea-kettle.
Chicago has long had a sight of the
Worlds Fair; but the Worlds Fair has
not yet a site at Chicago.
Lady Searching for burglars)-Here,
Bridget, you let down the folding bed
and then I'll look under it.
Mother, said little Annette, do please
buy me a new doll; my old one is quite
ashamed when asked her age.
If our neighbour would run his business
as we know how he ought to run it, how
soon he would become rich!
''Did you see that car-horse shy when I
signalled to the driver?" Eyes; you said
'Hay!' and it scared the horse"
Regarding some of the fish stories, it
seems that the fishermen will fight it out
on that lynn if it takes all summer.
Clara-I have such a horror of grow
ing old. Maud (sweetly)-I should think
you would have got over it by this time.
A Nevada forest is said to be so vast
and Iimpenetrable that many travellers
have been lost in mere contemplation of
it.
First little girl proudly)-We are goin
to Europe this summer. Second little
girl (contemptuously)- Pooh! We shust
game from dere.
Old Lady-My dear, do you really think
you are fit to become minister's wife?
Girl-Yes, indeed. 1 don't mind being
talked about.
Willie-Aunt Jennie says she has a
crick in her back. Susie-Gracious! 1t
beats all how some people do perspire,
doesn't it?
sis Bronson holding his own?" "He
wasn't the last time saw him." "Where
was hep" son an ocean steamer, giving
himself away.
He (languidly)-Lets have Irritation
just for amusement. She (drearily)-
Let's wait a.month. There's nobody here
yet to talk about it.
Little Johnny calls neighbor Jones'
bull dog ''Posterity." Johnny has re-
Gently been told that "posterity" means
those who come after US.
''If women are really angels" writes
an old bachelor, "whY don't they fly over
the fence instead of making such an awk-
ward job of climbing"
81 is" began Tommy, when his teach
er interrupted him. "That is wrong /;
you should say 1 am" Cali right" said
Tommy. 81 am the ninth letter of the
alphabet"
A countryman visiting the surrogate's
office, on observing the huge volumes of
wills on the shelves, asked if they were
bibles. ''No, SIR" said the clerk, ''they
are testaments."
Is your husband very generous man?
Indeed he is. You remember those nice
cigars gave him for birthday present?
Well, he smoked only one and gave all
@ho bops his friandc
Mr.. Phunnyman Cooking up from his
paper)-Another cashier gone with the
deposits. Mrs. Phunnyman What was
the sum? Mr.. Pile want satisfied with
some-he took everything.
Now, Maria, if Mr.. Dobkins is here to
see me, and any other gentlemen call,
tell them that I'm not in. Maria-Yes-
mum. Indade will, for he gave me foine
pay for that same, already, mum.
Johnson-When are you going to paint
that fence for me, Uncle Rastus? Uncle
Rastus- Well, sab, L reckon I'll do it
Saturday if de Lawd's willin'; or if not,
I'll do it Monday, any way, suah.
1t was the next thing to railroad acct
dent that robbed me OF my lover, said
Miss Antic. My back hair fell off and
he knew that had deceived him. Those
misplaced switches are dreadful things.
Briggs There is one thing admire
about your wife, if you will permit me to
say so. She is always SO outspokeu. Mr..
Peck-She may be outspoken, but must
say / never knew her to be out-talked
"You look worried" "Yes," replied
Charlie Cashgo. do you find that you
can't get out Of debtT" "Well, that isn't
the trouble, exactly. Ny father has as,
snFed me that can't get In any further, /"