St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-03-10
an idiot, q murderer or q drunkard
being crank. The word

industrial enterprise in the universe
that is not run by a mechanical crank.
Social reforms are run by cranks. All
who are of the opinion that have sold
the world on my word crank say ave "
The audience responded with an unani-
nous affirmative.
"If had been on the floor of congress
at the time Speaker Reed would not
have enforced his recent noted ruling
until he had put bullet through my
BODY"
The lecturer said he wanted to test
his intellectually or the opinion OF the
audience as to whether they believed
his claim to possess more brains than
any one present. ASK me questions
about anything you want to know or
can think Of" said he. A great many
questions were asked, which drew out
pertinent replies and occasioned much
merriment. The first question, "What
about the cipher?" was asked bv man
in the back part of the audience. 1t
was answered by saying, II think there
is one un the back seat"
A dude was defined 10 be made up of
Glowing gum and an oyster.
dow did become Ftnian? Those
people were starving in 1888. loaded
100 tons of food on ships. and, with 200
Irish on board. landed in Austria on st.
Patrick'S day for their relief, aud there
Was great iolltication. That was the
starting point. and it became notorious
in 1868 when went to England to sell
bonds for the Pacific railroad. 1t
had been cabled that the man
who relieved the Fenians was on
his way to England. was
accosted upon arrival at Liverpool by
an officer. who asked: Are you a
Fenian?" said: Yes; what in hi
will you do about it?'' l was taken to
prison. | telegraphed to w. I'll. Seward.
secretary of state, of my
ARREST WITHOUT WARRANT,
and told him that the United States
need not do anything about it. | was
released soon after, and from that time
have been called Fenian."
How about Donneliy?' was asked.
81 took pinch of snuff forty years
: ago and Donneliy has been sneezing
ever since. He is a bright fellow and
an orator. Shakespeare was the man.
man of letters. Bacon was learned
man and wrote plays and satires.
Shakespeare could not have written the
work attributed to him." Being asked
for an opinion on socialism, he SAID: "
am socialist, an anarchist, commu
mist, or whatever you please to call it.
believe the Chicago anarchists were
honest. but they were too poetic; they
were not practical men. would
not go out driving with them on the
open prairie because they would upset
the wagon and break our neckS. We
are on the eve of great financial crisis.
l go everywhere. | see everything. |
peep through the keyhOles. l am OPP
posed to the Four Hundred claiming to
be the people, and that the pooI don't
count. l will show you in a few years
that the poor do count. and that they
can. All who are of nv opinion say
aye" There was a unanimous atfirma-
tive vote and applause.
chow about Pan Americana" sit
should be panied out. by railroads.
When the battle of Bunker Hid WIS
fought, it was claimed that we HAD
beaten the British. But did we? They
have 100000 square miles more land on
this continent than We have. | am in
favor of panning it out, and establish
ing George Francis Train as dictttnr
''Some one has heard that | never
shake hands and asks why iG is. ihe
hand is a scavengei follow it for
twenty-four hours and you won't want
to shake hands with any one. 1t is a
battery; you get shock every time
you shake hands. Even a dead body is
capable of giving one shock and only
one. You may contract disease by
shaking hands. You are
A GENERATION OF VIPERS
"You shake hands with everybody and
get shock from each one of them.
which detractS from your magnetism. |
discovered this after | quit eating meat.
found it repnlSiVe to me. l have not
touched man or woman for fourteen
years. Look at me: am sixty years
old and perfectly sound. People shall
not level me off by shaking hands. A
man asks about SpiritualiSm. 1t is an
unknown quantity. l cannot make it
out. If am spiritualiSt | must be
the devil of the whole lot.
.'Some one asks me about Democracy.
1t mas been dead since the days OF
James Buchanan. 1t went out with
Cleveland, who was the iron hoops of
the barrel, and there is only the bung-
hole of the barrel left. If there is one
thing ! hate worse than Democrat it
is the Republican party, and that is all
gone but the t0uch-hole. We should
have an American party. All who favor
this plan say aye. Everybody re-
Spunded.
Il am asked about women's rights. |
won't talk about that. but their wrongs.
The position they are placed in 10y the
SuffragiStS is wrong. You don't allow
all idiot to vote, neither do you permit
your sweetheart, mother or sister to
vote. You enfranchised the negro. but
have left your wives in the same condi-
ton that Eve was In the Garden of
Eden, and like Adam you blame your
wives. If the Almighty had asked me
if ate the apple l would have said,
Yes. What in the HI are you gong
to do about it?''
When asked about free trade. he said,
cit is selling rat tails to England at six
pence, buying them back at a shilling.
Wool is sent away and brought back
after travelling 1900 miles to be made
into clothing to give the California far
mer a suit of clothes from his own
sheep. We have not had protection in
this country for twenty Years. 1t is
free trade now"
His opinion on the question of trusts
was illustrated by saying that single
drunken man could not walk up street
alone, but four men could brace each
other up. So with corporations; they
are bracing each other up to prevent
bankruptcy. We are on the eve of
ullducldi rum, save your lHoflty anu
DON'T PAY YOUR DEBTs.''
''Do you favor prohibition ?" was
asked. 81 would prohibit baked beans,
if anything. / never drank glass of
liquor. smoked or chewed tobacco. No
one has a right to pull puckering
string on any other mans mouth"
When asked if Christianity was a fail
ure, he replied that it is organized
fraud. and denounced the way many
Christians practicpd inconsistencies.
while even claiming that it was done for
Christ's sake. All questions were
answered with readiness that
shows the remarkable characters
tics of the man. A reporter
in conversation with him after the lee
ture said: II suppose you never had a
question asked you that you could not
answer. except when the man several
years ago asked you what made a pot
leg burn in two in the middle?" He re-
piled that the question was the prompt
ing of a Mere eXcreScence of the brain.
At the close of the lecture, upon the
motion being put by Mr.. Train, he was