The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1890-02-01
THE ADULLAMITES.
d" Every One That was in Distress and
Every One That was in Debt, and
Every One That was DincSctented,
Gathered ThemseIx YES Into Him.

At the hour for the meeting to con-
struct a platform, Loquacious Moses
stalked into the cave, taking gigantic
strides, his hat set on the back OF his
head to show his massive brow. He
raped on the table and shouted Doodle,
DOODLE" This brought the assembly to
order and Moses proceeded: 'Geutle-
men, We have harder task this even
ing than We have yet undertaken. Hith-
erto we have concerned ourselves too |
much in pleasing ourselves. Now We
must try to please the voters. That we |
may the better accomplish this task l |
have decided to have you discuss the
matter fully and freely, after the manner
OF committee of the whole"
At this point Charley the Trooper, see
ing that Moses was about to cease speak
ing, sprang to his feet with the evident
intention OF catching the next speech on
the fly With head erect, chin protru
ding, eyes fixed on dim futurity aud arms
performing gyrations in apparent imita-
ton of Dutch windmill, the trooper
sent his silvery voice careering through
the cave to the following effect:
"Gentlemen, l want to play ball. But
l am so busy all the week punching
billiard balls) that [ have no time to
play baseball. l want to play baseball
on Sunday. Now, the law is against
that, and 1 want the law changed. | am
willing to advocate either side of any
other question you choose if you will
only let me play baseball on Sunday"
BY this touching appeal Elder Shrub
Was melted to tears, while Garibaldi,
rushing forward impetuously, embraced
the speaker, excaiming, "My dear
Charley, can make use of you; you are
my brother; to me you are political
necessity"
General Defciency's burdened brow
arrested all eyes, and as his gaunt form
arose, even Duty and the flippant Cuspi-
dor felt that scheme of broad states
manship was to be announced.
"The Audit Act (ahem) is the sheet
| (ahem) anchor of all my hopes. 1t
checks unrghteous (cries of down with
the missionary Beg pardon, gentle
men, l mean it possesses great capabili-
ties, as it were. (Cries OF hear. hear
At present, however, the Legislature is
|
auditor to account. This is serious OBJ
lection to the office and l do hope that
this may be changed and that with the
right man in the place you will see to it
that he is not trammeled unduly by Leg
| islative committees"
"The General is sound on the Audit
Act, l know something about him"
chirruped Shrub.
"Hold, Elder; when / was in the
Legislature" interjected the Scion from
Waianae, 81 was on a committee TO in
veStigate-"
The cave of Adullam was in an uproar,
Moses vainly shouting "Boodle!" the
dapper Cuspidor Waiting around with
the cry "Take the old man off the tick
ct, the Trooper making warm remarks
about the confusion, while Garibaldi
standing on chair and fourishing a
cane, startled everyone with his shril
tones and brought order out of chaos.
Gentlemen, let us have peace, victory
and Doodle. 1t is not possible for us to
get into power if We let the people know
what we mean to do. Say nothing
about what we mean to do (when it does
not seem to be very POPULAR, but get il
first When get to be Minister "a sar
donic SMILEY III take care of the ole
General. In that way we shall be lef
free to talk on all sides OF every question
so as to please all the voters. Now,
want big army, 200 in the Kings
guard, besides good many other com
panies. Charley and l will run the
army. "a crooked SMILEY want hin
for drummer boy. (Applause.) But il
won't do to say anything about that in
the platform. 1t would drive away all
the white vote, and l would not for the
world ALLEVIATE all my white friends
rubbing his hands) When get to bt
Minister I'll fix all these matters u
(Applause.)
Then Moses arose and unsteadily, az
if laboring under the weight OF an i'm
mense mental burden, and said: "Ir
great leader We must use diplomacy
That meeting at the Chinese theatel
warns us that we must be strong OF
perpetuating the independence of the
islands till after the election) though
deep down in this sincere heart lies the
patriotic desire for annexation to POr
tugal.''
A heavy groan escaped the speaker a:
he uttered the last word and then thi:
child of his own intellect being safel,
born (alive though somewhat feeble) ht
fell back into his chair and lay painting
Elder Shrub rushed forward and Tanned
him vigorously with his hat while
Tommy Cuspidor ran for bottle OF sod;
water. By these assiduOus attentions
Moses was soon restored to his usua
activity, though he remained somewha
pale and quiet all the evening.
The piping voice of Excusable G.. Dut,
J was now heard pleading for the i'm
, porters. eve have fallen on evil times
The Custom House is run in the inter
ests OF the Government and importer.
don't have half the chance they haC
under the old regime"
Again Garibaldi elbowed himself for
ward and electrified the audience b,
saying: "When Pm minister, I'll fix
all those Reform regulations at the Gus
, tom House. Don't you worry, Duty. IT.
a political necessity that ails us now
with a sardonic grim and by-and-by
with another sardonic and exceedingly
crooked smile) we'll fix the disturbing
element"
Tony Fire Eater stroking his Burn
sides, and shaking his fat sides, fairly
scintillated with rapture at Garlbaldl's
diplomacy.
Flip Demarest, standing aloof at the
mouth of the cave where the fresh all
could fan his fevered brow, turned te
the grin Trooper and slowly closed one
eye But the Trooper, like one of Crom
wells Puritans, with severe cOuntenanct
and righteous demeanor gazed steadily
into dim futurity.
Shrimp had already gone home with &
headache, and d. w. Blossom from dis
trict five: with hat pulled over his eyes
1 Ntn,,