Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-02-16
BowsER Runs THE KITCHEN.
Mrs. Bowser Tells the Result of His
Bossing the Girl.
From the Detroit Free Press

WHeH MT. DOWSer complained oil the DIS
cult and the tea, and called attention to
the general look of dilapidation which the
table presented, felt called upon to reply:
"Well, as you know, have been feeling
very miserable for three or four days, and
this house-girl seems to be the poorest one
| ever had. She has no order or system,
no taste or skill, and l won't keep her
minute after can get around"
off this is her style I'll go out and dis
charge her."
swat. If she was to go now you'd have
to cook your own meals"
"That wouldn't hurt me any. Pll go out
and ask her what she means by such con-
duct, anyhow"
"But | wish you wouldn't She may flare
up and leave us in the lurck."
"Let her fare When the time comes
that we can't boss our own house we'll
leave tip
"Mr. Bowser, please let the girl alone
for me to deal WITH" [ entreated.
"Pll just speak few words to her, you
know" he replied, and as went into the
sitting-room he went into the kitchen.
In about two minutes | heard crash of
crockery and the bang of door, followed
by the sound of the girls feet on the back
stairs, and FIVE minutes later she came
down with her bundle and skipped out
without word to me. Mr.. Bowser came
in soon after that, coat off, sleeves rolled
up, and roller-towel tied around him,
and he explained:
81 simply asked her if she thought this
house was a saw-mill, and she called me a
mastodon and flew for her bundle. Is she
a fair specimen of the help you have had
to deal WITH"
eyes"
"Well, you and all other house-keepers
have my deepest sympathy. used to
think it was your fault that so many girls
came and went, but l want to apologize
and take it all back"
"But what shall we do?"
"Do? Why, Pll run the kitchen until
after breakfast and then get girl"
After he had been at work for a few
minutes | crawled out to see how things
were going. He was washing dishes. He
had the teapot, milk pitcher, butter dish,
napkin rings, two pie tins and the crock
cry all heaped together in dish-pan, and
while he was washing them with dish
towel he was wiping them on one OF baby's
old skirts taken from the hamper in the
stairway. There were streak OF dishwater
clear down to his heels, and dozen new
grease spots had appeared on floor and
table, but he insisted that go right back
and leave him alone, and | had no instruc-
tions to give. He had everything done up
in an half hour, and when he came in to
st down he said:
Everything out there is as slick as pin,
and breakfast is all planned for. That girl
would have been sloshing around until 10
o'clock before she had her dishes done. I'd
like to be in your place month. I'd make
some of 'em wonder why they were ever
born p
"But every house has Just such trouble"
"Then you women ought to league to-
gether to protect yourselves"
"What are you going to have for break
fast"
"Never you mind, Mrs. Bowser. If
don't get you the best breakfast you have
seen in a year FL give up that | don't
know nothing about house."
About midnight heard him muttering
in his sleep:
"Take two eggs-saleratus-fve Minutes
CREASED rag-one tablespoonful to each
person."
1t usually takes me all of twenty min
utes to get Mr.. Bowser out of bed in the
morning, and the task is never accom-
plished without resort to fiction as to the
lateness of the hour. On this particular
morning he slipped out before l was awake,
and he had been working in the kitchen a
full hour before got down. No man can
be made to believe that there is a right
and wrong way to sheets or table-cloths.
Mr.. Bowser had set the table Just as any
other man would. The cloth was wrong
side-to, the teaspoons in the celery dish,
the sugar-bowl running over, and the meat
platters and bread plates had changed du-
ties. Some of his slices of bread were
two inches thick, and some almost as thin
as paper, and two of them bore indisputa-
BILE proofs that he had cut his finger while
cutting his bread.
He requested me to sit down while he
brought in the meal. He had his cut fin
ger in a rag, black on his nose, -four on
his ears, and his face had that color pecul-
lar to red paint. He also went lame in
his left leg, caused, as l afterward accer-
tanned, by the rolling-pin falling on his
foot. When he had everything on the
table he looked around him with self
satisfied air and proceeded to do the hon
ors. Poor Mr.. Bowserl He had put the
steak into a spider without butter or
grease, and it was as black as coal and
rather more tasteless. When he poured the
coffee the grounds insisted on filling half
the cup, and the eggs he had fried in some
rancid lard the girl had set away could
not be approached nearer than two feet.
He had attempted to bake some potatoes,
but they were hardly warmed through.
In his goodness of heart he had toasted
me piece Of bread, and when it fell into
the ashes he had wiped off as much for
eign substance as he could with the brush
broom used about the stove. tried hard
to keep my face straight, but my feelings
finally got away with me, and Mr.. Bowser
looked up with an injured air and said:
"You never cooked better meal in all
your life-you nor any of your relations
for thousand years back~
Just then saw that he had used pie
tin for the butter dish, and had to laugh
again.
"Look here, Mrs Bowserw ne shouted,
as he bobbed up and almost overturned the
table, "this thing has gone too far-too far!
l see now where the real trouble lies.
see now why no girl will stay with you"
"But this last one was willing to stay"
eyes, and what did you do? Degraded
her in her own estimation until self
respect obliged ner to quit"
"You went out and blew her up"
81 did l went out and blew! And who
asked me to do it?p
"No one"
''That settles it, Mrs Bowser-settles it
right here and nowl It's the last meal Pll
ever cook for you, and we have had our
last girl. l see why they can't stay. see
what's the matter with you and the other
women who employ help. and | won't be
party to it."
81 asked you to let the girl alone"
"You did, Never! You begged of me
to go out and throw her over the alley
fence, and her bundle after her, and what
must that poor girls feelings be at this
moment? l now go. l may return or |
may not If not, you have the consolation
of knowing what drove me from my own
domicile."
But he returned. All husbands return.
They begin to feel ashamed of themselves
before they are clear of the gate, and the
next hour is spent in fishing for an excuse