The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1890-01-18
A TIP FOR WOMEN.
The Way to Tackle q Burglar is to
Faint Right Off in His Arms.

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"Twas jest about the time we was a
weepin' an a-wailin' an nashin' of our
teeth, to speak paragorically, over the
Disappointment of u hopes, that Miss
Petiish popped down on us 'slike a wolf
on the fold," as Jonathon said. (She
boxed his years fur it though, and then
he pulled off her artificial bang, an they
tussled, an fit, an skrimmaged round,
an I'm afeared famed the cat fur life by
tromping on her left hind laig, afore /
had time to ask her to lay off her hat
Miss Petifishes hat, not the cat's.)
But at last, after they galloped round
the room fur ten minutes or SO, like a
couple of colts with the blind staggers,
Miss Petifishes breath give out, an she
began to wheeze; an 30 finally she Topped
down into the big wooden rocker, an /
got a chance to say howdy.
oval, I've been tollable myself" a
she, shut Aaron hain't been none too
well. His constituency want never
none of the strongest, you know. an I'm
afeared he's a-goin' to git somethin'
serious. He's SO powerful narvy, you
know. Why, when he's a-copyin' some
papers, or a-readin' in his law books, he
can't abide the ~leastest mite of noise, an
! hev to go into the next room to prac-
tie on my catarrh. An mebbe you
wouldn't b'lieve it, Belindy," says she,
t'but if a little comp'ny drops in an we
happen to cut round a little, jest for fun,
like me and Mr.. Bluegrass here, he ack-
shilly gifts in a temper, an rares N
pitches, an sometimes he cusses a blue
streak, if we run ag'in his elbow, or jog
gle him. Oh, he's got a powerful tenn
per, Aaron hast I often feel sorry Quin-
tilly has married SIGH a temperate man,
but it's too late to ondo the mischief
now"
After we had eat supper, Jonathon
says:
''Seein' you've got comp'ny, Belindy,
I reckon | mout as well go over al tend
the Farmers Lyance."
An says L:
$50, if you're a mind ter; but don't
set down on a log an go to sleep comm
home, like you done the last time you
went"
"No danger" says he. "Ill ride ole
Beeswax this time, an if I do go to sleep
he'll fetch me home safe an sound"
So he went an saddled his nag an rid
away.
Dave had went away that evening to
see Eli Tucker, over on Ager hill, an
want a-comin' home till the mex day,
an SO we put Miss Petifish to sleep with
Liza Ann.
We didn't none of us set up very late,
and | hadn't more'n snoozed off when I
heared a quare noise in the kitchen.
/ knowed 'twan't the cat, fur | had put
her out last thing afore | laid down, an
thinkses /, SITS a burglar, sure shot"
While I was a-studying about it Liza
Ann IN Miss Petifish come a-hustling in,
as white as two sheets.
"Oh, nav" says Liza Ann, 'sther's
in the kitchen? | kin hear
'em a steppin' round an a~-stealin' some
thin out of the cupboard"
An with that | jumped up.
"~Jonathon's wallet is on the top shelf. !"
I, IAN it's got a silver dollar an two
in change into it,"
An / grabbed the lamp in one hand
an Jonathon's walkin' stick in the tother,
an started towards the kitchen.
"Come onl'' said T ssBoth of YOU
ketch up a weepon of some kind, an
help me tackle him. He'll be sleered Of
30 many wimmin."
An Liza Ann jerked the bootjack from
under the bed, an was a-follerin' me,
tremblin' like a leaf, but determined to
save her paws wallet or parish in the at
But Miss Petifsh ketcht a-holt of Us
both, an hung on fur dear life.
"Oh, says she, "be you goin' to tackle
a strange burglar with only your night
on? Mebbe he's n bachelor an
unmarried" says she, San | wouldn't
ike to make his acquaintance without
my dress on"
but he'll git away" says l, sif we
stop to dress"
But she wouldn't hear to nothin', so we
give in, an slipped on VI dresses an
ag'in.
But Miss Petifish wasn't ready vet.
81 amt got my shoes on" a y she,
IAN I wouldn't go barefooted fur no
money"
I was powerful Uneasy, but I waited.
"Now, come on says /.
But instid of coming on she few over
o the bureau an begun to smooth her
lair an fix her bangs, an even tuck a
bag put Of her pocket am begun
. powder her face & 9s
An there was me an'Liza Ann on pins
nd needles fur fear the burglar would
at away. an her a-powdering ah'lprink-
d like she was goin' 70 q play party, or
gittin' ready fur q fun dress desep-
ion. jest thinksOf it! spls 9s aoE