Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1890-12-12
HUMOROUS.

Sugar manufacturers ought to move
in the most refined society.
The dentist is a much sought man,
for he fills an aching void.
The acrobat who opens his mouth to
put his foot in it is a corker.
A man may be dead broke in Wall
street without being a dead broker
A vigilance committee, rope and a
tree will make every desperate rise to
point of order.
The young woman who proposes
marriage to a man is only trying to
make name for herself.
A genius is a person whom Nature
lets in on the ground floor, and whom
circumstances force to live in an attic.
"Why do they call Patti diya!'
asked Mrs Fangle. "Because she
gets along swimmingly," replied her
husband.
The stomach does not improve on
acquaintance. When a man finds that
he has oac it is most troublesome
companion.
1t never docs to pose rs cynic nm
less You are very sure that YOU wouldn't
make a fool of yourself in the society
you satirize.
"Do you not feel the cloquencc of
nature here on this glorious crag?"
she murmurcd. 'sYes," he answered,
81 do. The mountains peak"
Most people seem to think rumor
is like subscription list. Every time
it comes to them they add something
to it and pass it along to the next.
Daughter-Why is it, ma, that
honeymoon is supposed to last only
three months? Ma-At the cnl of
three months the quarterly bills come
in.
Stern parent say, Mr.. Softly?
Softly-Yes, sir. Stern parent-You
seem to stay around great deal for
man who is SO badly "gone' as you
are.
Iost-Grcat Scott There arc thir-
teen at the table. Guest--Surely you're
not so superstitious as all that2 "No,
but there's only food enough for
twclve.'
Danglc-Nature has been very kind
to Miss Lucy. See the roses on her
cheeks. Lucys riyal-Yes, indeed.
One must have a natural gift to paint
like that.
Badgering Attorney-Insanity runs
in your family, / believe? Long
suffering witness-Well, my grand
father quit bossing fruit stand to be-
come lawyer.
Men aro,a good deal like cheap bed
sicads; the smoothly-varnished side is
for public view; but the rough un-
planed splinters rub up against the
household wall.
A Last Resort: Mrs. Bingo-I
noticed there was a rent in your
trousers this morning. Mr.. Bingo-
Thank heaven! Give it to the land
lord when he comes.
"What part am 10 taks2" said Chap
PIE. "YOu are to be the heroine's
father" replied the stage manager.
"What does he do?' "IIe dies ten
years before the curtain rises on the
first act" II
Cumso-My dear, what do you think
of these "dollar dinners for four that
the family journals are making such
spread of? Mrs. Cumso-I think it
might be possible to get one up for
four dollars.
Little Mabel described graphically
her sensation on striking dimpled ell
bow ON the bed carving. ooh, mvw
she sighed, "mamma, I've struck nv
arm just where it makes stars in NV
fingers.
Staggers-Yes, sir. marriage is a
failure with me. Snooper-Ahl
Staggers-Yes, sir; was led to be-
lieve that the girl / loved was worth
$4,000. After the ceremony found
that she had only 800 in bank.
Snooper-That is bad failure. just
one cent on the dollar, wasn't it?
Teacher (tO new pupiD-What is
your last name, my little man? New
pupil-Tolnmy. 1eachcr-What ia
your full name? New pupil-Tommy
Jones. Teacher--Then Jones is your
last name? Tommy--No, 1t isn't.
Whom was hornmJ namq was Jones
and thoY dian'tsIVs me The other sov
ip2eih eflegTard,