Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1890-10-26
OLD FUNNY STORIES
AS TOLD BY THE VETERAN SHOW
MAN, p. 7. BARNUM.
soiomon's Wisdom Echoed-NothinR New
Under the sun-A Richmond story
To Mr.. Bnrnum.
Nov York HersId.l

1t does not harm the Wit OF ADranam
Lincoln or of Tom Corwin or OF Chaun-
cey NJ. Depew to find that similar
things to those they relate were told in
MEDIEVAL times. 1 dare say they may
even be traced back to Greece and
Romo, for just such things as happen
now happened in the Oldest centuries,
The stories below have at least this
freshness-they are told in my way, and
they are not to be found IN the maya
zine article or in my book which re-
ferred 10 above. Z. L. BARSUM.
Bridgeport, Conn, September, 1890.
REV. MR.. paRSUM AND THE FLOWERS.
In a small village near Syracuse, in
New York, the clergyman of the only
church there was taken suddenly Ill, and
the congregation were anxious in regard
to finding a substitute on the following
Sunday. At least they remembered that
n namesake OF mine, the Rev. Mr.. Bar
mum, who had formerly been popular
minister, but was then thriving farmer,
lived few miles away. They sent
messenger 10 ask him to preach for them
on the occasion. The whilom divine
said he had not preached for several
wears. but TO accommodate them he
would come over and do 30 next
Sunday. The Indies OF the church,
wishing to pay him extra at
tention and compliment him in such a
way as laid in their power, obtained
couple Of tall china vases, and filling
them with flowers placed one on each
side Of the cushion Of the pulpit. The
farmer minister was unaccustomed to
such decorations, and probably scarcely
noticed them, as he had plenty OF flowers
at home. After hymn had been sung
ne rose TO make a prayer. and as he san
LET us pray" he closed his eyes, and,
swinging his arms right and left, acct
dentally knocked the two vases of flowers
off the ledge aud they came crashing
down some twenty feet upon the floor
The congregation, who had already
bowed their heads and closed their eyes,
hearing the noise looked up to discover
the cause, while the old clergyman with
much surprise looked down upon the
shattered vases, and feeling probably
that the congregation were thinking OF
the pecuniary loss they had sustained by
the accident, he quietly remarked, al
can pay for them and proceeded with
his prayer.
Aneighbor OF mine in Bethel named
Eleazer TAYLOR was one day telling my
grandfather about an extraordinary dog
which he owned. Said he 81 can send
that dog into the field, tell him to drivein
the sheep or the COWS, ormy horses, and
he invariably makes the selection indi-
Gated and brings the right ones in. He
is really the most intelligent dog ever
saw. OF cold morning when our cook
is preparing breakfast in the fireplace
and placing the dishes of food on the
hearth to keep them warm that dog will
lie close 10y them and never take mouth
full" "There isn't dog in town that
would." replied my grandfather, much
TO the Indignation Of Uncle Eleazor.
NEGRO QUOTATIONS.
The oolored population of the south
ern States, who are mostly exslaves or
the children of slaves, are a very ex-
citable and enthusiastic class upon re-
| ligious matters Years ago comparatively
few of their preachers could read, but
having had the Scriptures read to them
so much they got the New Testamentby
heart. and some Of them gave such
stirring sermons and prayers as served
| 10 excite their illiterate hearers and some
/ Zines TO throw numbers OF them into con-
WILSON'S. One of these colored preachers
in a southern town was celebrated for
| his quotations Of Scripture and the fer
vent manner in which he delivered his
discourse. On one occasion while
preaching he said "Bredden and sis
tiers, YOU remember the account OF Paul
when he was preaching to great con-
| gregation the house was so crowded that
one poor woman fell from the upper
| gallery a distance of forty feet on the
hard floor and was broken into hun
dred pieces" He stopped moment to
think OF some text that would apply to
| this sad accident when be exclaimed
And they took up Of tho fragments
that remained twelve baskets full "
The effect of this quotation seemed so
striking that he tried to cap 1t with
another appropriate one from Holy
Writ. and he edited his congregation
by making it in these words, "And
whose wife shall she be in the resurrec-
TOM"
| LOTS wIPE.
A clergyman was called on to go down
10 a country village few miles away
and preach a sermon. He did so and
/ 4 81 | ~ !
wife" Two years afterward he was
called again. the minister being absent.
| to come down and preach sermon. He
put his hand in the barrel and drew out
the first one that came handy and put it
| in his pocket and went down to preach
AS q singular coincidence it proved to be
the same sermon that he preached before.
When he rose and read the text" Re-
member Lots wife "a man in the con-
RregatioD called out: 1--WE haven't for
gotten her since you were here before. y
A sensational preacher died some years
ago. Often in the excitement OF his
preaching he would work himself up TO
such degree that he would occasionally
shed tears. which had a great effect on
his congre cation.
After his death his sermons were ex-
amined by his executors, and it was FREE
quently found in some of his most ex-
citing sermons that he had enclosed in
brackets the words, "Cry here"
A TEMPERANCE SERMON.
A drunken man in Washington was
endeavoring to find his way home late at
night, but often stumbled and fell. At
last he ran against fence, and holding
on to it said, "Begorra, that's O good
thing. | can manage now have got
the fence to hold on by" He continued
his walk. holding on to the fence until
he had gotten into o great perspiration
and the exercise had sobered him he
then found he had been about sixty
times around the big monument.
A halter in Bethel about fifty years
ago had @ dozen workmen in his en-
ploy. One day on going into the village
store where several Of his neighbors were
he said 4: 1.-THE hating business has been
dull for five years. 1 have lost twenty
five cents ON every bat | have made du-