Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1890-09-13
suRpETrE.
a Number OF Ineisive Comments on Top
les That Are Uppermest.

cut ON apronsfr asked the teacher. And after
. moments silence the new boy from Hard
acre Crosslots said: @Noshin' but bathtn'
suits"
ETERNAL YTTrrsa
at Il never too late TO mend." remarked
tho pastor, closing his Illustration Good
thing" commented bis son. aAnd whyF
asked the parent because the older man
n tine more he needs repairAr
THE NEW, NEW STORY.
At the Church OF the Holy Slnners-Deariy
beloved, you will fipd the words Of my text
this morning in the fifth paragraph of the
fourth column on the second page OF The
Sunday Screamer. In order, however, 10
fx clearly In your minds the apparent rela-
tions OF New York divorces and New jersey
murders. viii first read the entire article
before going on with the sermon. breaches
the gospel most acceptably for an hour, and
only makes one mistake; reads a circulation
affidavit as a reference In the prophecy OF
Daniel, but naturally enough none Of his
songregstion know any better,
LYIs's pAM FROM FORE.
Loathe poor Indian. whose sun tutorcd uiinds
The settlers hut, soldier scamp VIII nnd.
His sole prcad Science never taught TO stray,
Because by day night he knows the way'
And simple natsrs for his soap has given.
some colcred clsya. OF hues not born In hssvsns
To be. contents his natural desire,
Z But what 10 be. tin well not TO inquire;
He asks no angels wing, he does not care
For anything except the angels hair;
And such n naughty spirit doth he hath,
He will not take an Insult or O hath
HARMONY IN ONE EASY LESSON.
John Sullivan has been offered 81, 600 year
10 sing bass in Boston choir. The members
OF the church say II Is big price TO pay for
music, but that peace and harmony are worth
It.
LrAP IRON AN UNPUBLISHED NOVEL.
"Agamemnon," said his wife, softly, as shs
} opened the door OF her husbands study,
where the colonel was busily engaged upon
his great speech for tho coming Grand Army
reunion, "Agamemnon, dear, there IL man
J In the parlor who wishes 10 see you moment
) He says If tell you that old Norm, the dead
shot Of old c company Of the old Threety-
y twoth Of the old Onth brigade Of the old
marchin' division Of the old Worst corps, h
!. on post, you will know him.
The colonel who was carefully reconnoiter-
ing down the "bicn column Of the dictionary
to ascertain the proper spelling Of bichewmi-
: nous. lost his place and was irritsted-
0 "By all the gods that fought at Cohces, or
J. some other place up that way. can't be
d bothered by every duffer that served iu the
u United States army. don't know him;
n never heard Of such man; never served In
4 that corps That fellow was deserter, any
d how; courtmartialed him myself; there was
no such man In my regiment. Tell him Tn
q busy; tell him I'm out OF town; tell him I'm
II dead; send him away Here, I'll 20 down
4 and bounce the beggar myself; I'll bet o., 900
he wants TO borrow money Of me. I'll 60
down and fire him out I've had enough Of
y this; I'll settle him once for all, tho lazy
~ loafer, with nothing better TO do than bother
Sr busy people who don't want to see him
a. 49,
Old Normi II amt glad to see you'll was
r askin' some Of the old boys only yesterday II
r. they knew where you were; ! was goin' 70
be write TO you. I don't know any man In the
I'd old fighting Three;y twoth I'd rather see than
IL you. No, you don't have TO 60, neither;
M you're goin' 10 stay 10 dinner; put down that
so hat some Of the boysn be up this evening,
lv expect. Say, do you remember that time
. down at Fort Slaughter when you and me-
She remaining chapters OF this interesting
u novelette, will not be published here. but u
~ you want 70 risk little money you can get q
10 bet of several thousand dollars and twenty
oil cents that at least dozen subscribers OF Th'
Eagle know all the other chapters by heart
re LEARNING TO THINK
x Sir Isaac Newton, Of Newton Centre, Mass
an was one OF the greatest thinkers that evel
nix carried a thinker In his bootleg. Whatevel
We be saw be endeavored to find out cause fol
he IT, But as he was thinking all the time b
didn't zee a great deal. One day, as he wal
n sitting In the garden, oiling up his thinker
m. be saw an apple fall from tree. Most mel
an would have supposed that IL fell OF its owl
N. accord, but Sir Isaac had been boy himsel
- long befure founding the theological seminary
~ which perpetuntes his name. which. by th
way, is a very easy one to spell lie at ono
hu began to wonder what made the apple fall
DIV some foolish people say that he wondered VIII,
iat it didn't fall up instead OF down, but that
all rubbish. Sir Isaac was no fool II be wa
II philosopher and he knew that everything
30 falls down except a wig, and that false haii
After tpronouEced awfterl much though
.pe and study upon the subject, he discovered th
wo cause; he noticed that apples were more dii
ma posed TO fall down after school was disnlisse
nm than during study hours So the next tim
~ be went into the garden be lay low. and whe
-, the apple fell he held his breath until th
~. " cause came swiftly over the fence TO pick u
ay the effect Sir Isaac collared the boy, for
rf was he, and taught him how easily pal
In might be produced by the rapid impingenier
of common apple switch upon exposed G
only partially protected portions OF the ht
man form divine. He illustrated his theor
sst- with few simple experiments such as a DO
NJ OF ordinary intelligence could easily compr'
in bend. This valuable discovery Of Sir Isaac
,an mas been great boon 10 grown UP huhiailit,
- IL Is now universally known that apples a
~. more apt TO fall when there are q few boys
..uy large In the vicinity than at any other tim
her and that apples will fall for a boy when the
run might have detied the Laws OF gravitation 4
ma months longer. This sublime fact teaches
em- that notifications that are at first artifci
,ro- are rendered spontaneous by heredity.
col This incident OF the apple tree, howeve
/ of had one bad effect upon Sir Isaac. 1t 1
him 70 hate boys, and be devoted much
and his time TO making life burden to then
,eir With this revengeful object in view be !
ery vented the attraction Of grsvitafion, and
80 Joint resolution Of congress, which he east
an accomplished by persuading the members
the house that there was big appropriate
uey In il, he got it established AZ fundanleni
one law OF nature. with jurisdiction over
veil rides the seasons and the movements Of {
In planets, and many ether things which DO
like have since been compelled TO learn- So il
hts, that whenever boy sees an apple he thin
me- Of Sir Isaac Newton hrst. and then he thin
cad Of some way TO get ths apple, and by and
OF be wonders II he can find tho pain killer
of the dark, and then he thinks how awful
can would be to die there, all alone, In the uigl
irds and then be thinks II he lives TIL morning
: will give the rest Of his apples to his liz
a. brother, and thus you see quite train
- thought Is awakened In the boys mind
n - a.