West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-07-17
I asked for her hand, -
For with love was smltten; -
Instead OF the hand x

Many an old flame has caused RUM
way match. .r
Strange TO say, no man ever gets tight
unless he Is loose I'm bis habits.
A man IL happiest when he can forget
oil the mean things he knows about him
self.
A woman awoke her husband during q
thunder storm one night and said. II do
wish you would stop snoring, for want
TO hear Il thunder"
McCorkle:- Isn't Briggs naturally
a lazy fellowi" "McCraokle:-"Not ex-
sotly lazy; but he seems to think 1t is un-
healthy to work between meals"
Young Married Man-"Do you mind
the baby when It criesi"
Old Married Man-"No, I don't mind
Il when 1t cries. I'm used to It."
Dives-"Education is necessary, Jack,
IL you ever expect TO shine In the world"
Dives, Jr. (stolidly)-"I don't want to
shine, father. I'd rather sell papers,"
Tommy-"Paw, the paper says that
'Gray's Elegy' Is a classic. What Is q
clsssio1" Mr.. Figg-"A classic2 Why
classic is IA sort OF highly respectable
chestnut"
Husband-"Where Is my wife. Annal"
Maid-"She's Just gone up stairs, sir"
well, Just give her this kiss, dear-I
have to catch a train In five minutes and
can't wait" s-s..
Mrs. Bloodgood-"what not an open
fireplace nor stove In the house2 How
does your father warm his slippers, Will
lie2" Willie (ruefully)-"Warms 'em on
me, ma'am." R.-----.-.x
young woman began a song, "Ten
Thousand Leaves are Falling" She
pitched It too high, screeched and stop
ped. Start her ut five thousand" cried
an auctioneer. co. 81.
Ghost Cat seance)-"Do you recog-
nize mer" Mrs. Topper (confidentially)-
Eyes; you are my late husband, John
Topper" Ghost (surprised)-"Howd do
you know me2" Mrs. Topper (hrmly)-
II smelt your breath, John"
Miss shelby-"Papa, what are STRAIN
ed relations2"
MIR. Shelby-"About the only illustra-
ton l can think of Just now, my dear, Is
the time Ponsomby's sister-in-law and
her uncle came to visit him and had 10
lug their own trunks upstairs"
Mr.. Byer:-"Those shoes that got for
my little boy a week ago tonight arc all
worn out" "Well?" asks a shoeman.
IL want another pair Just like 'em. New
or knew boys shoes to wear 80 long In
my Lief"
Station Master:-"Come, Come, my
good mani You must not walk on the
tracki THE conductor says can't ride
aud you say can't walk. What's your
blamed old road here for, anyway" ask
ed the tramp, Internationally.
Daughter, Mr.. Slim and | were dis
cussins which was the preferable, He
will CO. or he shall co. What do you
sayy"
Pa Cooking at his watch)-"As II Is
1l.3G O'Clock / should say lie must go
was the co;rJc, oppression.
Baey What is the difference between
male and female poetf"
Cage the difference! Well. one
Is mam and the other woman"
B.-"Iha not the answer. The male
poet is Born, not made; whereas the fe
male poet both born and maid"
'Wantcd-reliable men," read Mrs.
Bascom from the advertising columns OF
the paper. Then she raised her glasses
upon her forehead, looked severely at
her husband and remarked. "And the
world'll wait considerable number of
centuries yet before IL gets EN-"
Passenger on Ocean Stcamshlp-"Cap-
tain, what would you DO II you should
suddenly encounter an icebcrgY"
Captain (frigidlyj Madam, n 7 could
mt go through It., should 20 around TT
PGssengorqolitcly) THANK you, cap
tain. have no doubt such would be the
proper course. shall adopt 1t myself"
lSteps around hlm.l
do you think Fred IA in earnest
about our daughterl" asks father. "sure
OF IT," says mother, with conviction.
well, I'm not 80 sure" "You silly old
goose, look what the boy has given her
music stool, a set Of silver backed hair
brushes, n cookery book, and don't
know what else. he's doing little pre-
liminary furnishing IN earnest. Oh, you
mon, what dull heads you are,"
Mics Bored -"Mr Dolley. you seem 20
lead an inactive life; why is 1t that you
never do anythingg"
Mr.. Dolley-"Im waiting for an I'm.
pulse"
Miss Bored Cooking ot the clock)-"I
wish you could have one now"
Mr.. Dolley eagerly "Whyy"
Miss Bored ~" Because people are nan
ally carried away With Impulse
Bridget O'Gahan sat IN n rocking chair
tanning herself with tho tail of her dress
Mickey had just como up out Of the
sewer where De had been = orklny all dav
and sitting down BY tho sido o. BRIDGET
pulled on biz boots sud relsed his mixed
feet into the i0fds Of a cane bottom chair
IN juxtaposltlon with the moving Gar.
mcnts Of Bfdgcts drogs