Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-01-08
He Knew Himself.

You appear TO be SICK.
"Do, eh?"
"Yes, you do"
"Wal, Pm not"
whats the matter, then ?"
Fright smart the matter"
Nothing serious, l hope"
81 reckon it air putty serious"
"Some great trouble ?"
Reckon so"
Nobody dead ?"
"No, but | wish they war"
Excuse me for inquiring into your
affairs, but | am anxious to know
what your trouble is. Maybe l could
help you out of it,"
81 reckon not, stranger. Didn't
nobody help me inter it, an | guess
can't nobody help me OUTER it."
"What is your troublel"
"My grettist trouble, stranger, lies
in my bein' er dinged fool"
ooh, no, don't think that"
"Think nothin' l know 1t. I'm
not only er dinged fool, stranger, but
I'm wuss. Pm er natrel born, all
wool, doubled an twisted ijiot. I'm
er hull derned ijiot ersylum billed
down inter one ole fool. That's what
l am, mister"
"You are too hard on yourself"
Gam, ell Wal, be gosh, yer would
MT say so if yer knowed me. Say, do
| look like er man as had er lick O
sense ter his back :"
eyes, certainly"
"Then l deceive my looks.
"Why, what has got such an idea
into your head ?"
"You never knowed ole Beck Parks,
did yer?"
"No, l never did,"
"Wal, yer fortnit, thar strangar,
an | wish I could say as much. Say,
| war merried erlong time ergo to er
good oman, an we went erlong es
peesable an quiet like es yer ever see.
though ther neighbors all said / was
too hard on Randy when let her do
up ther feedin' an tote up ther wood
an hoe ther corn crap, but she never
complained, an | reckon it war all
right. Neighbors allus hev ter talk
erbout things what dent concern 'em.
Wal, es l said, men Randy went err
long all right till one day last month
she tuck down with er fever er some
thin, jest after gettin' ther corn geth-
cred, an ther fust thing knowed she
up an died. / kinder hated it at ther
time, stranger, but I've hated it a
good bit wuss since.
81 suppose you miss her?"
oval, yas, some. But it hain't so
much that as il air other things. Yer
see, last week tuck er notion ter
marry ergin. People said it wuz
putty soon after Randy's dyin'. but l
thought knowed my own business
an ! gun to feel ther need er er wife
ter dig the taters and shuck out ther
fodder an tend ter ther other leeotle
matters erbout ther house, SO | gotter
6gerin' on who I'd ak ter hev me.
thought O. this un, an that un, an
t'ther un, an at last ! settled onter
ole Beck Parks an rode over yester-
day an axed 'er ter hev me-"
And she refused :"
mary time she didn't. wish
to ther Lor' she he'd std O. that she
tuck me up quickr'n scat, an we got
married an she's in ther house thar
now."
"Are you sorry you married her ?"
stranger, dyer see them broom
handles, an cheer posts, an dishes,
an things all scattered Ground thar?
An dyer seem them thar knots on
my head, an that thar eye Almost
dunched out, an that thar nose broke
squar in two in ther middle?"
Eyes, / see them"
oval, then, yer needn't ter ak me
eff I'm sorry l married that ole var
mint. Wouldn't yer be sorry under
ther circumstances ?"
perhaps"
"P'raps, nothin' Yer know yer
would. An that hain't ther wust ov
it. stranger. Their ole cross.eyed
critter Jest VOWS up an down that she
won't dig them taters, ner she won't
do the feedin', ner she won't git up
ther wood, an I'm dinged if l b'leeve
she will. Takin' everything togeth-
er, mister. don't il pear right smart
to you like es If | wus er derned
fool !"
Eyes"
Say, if yer meet anybody as wants
ter git holt ov er billed down, conoen-
trated ijiot asylum, send 'em down
this way, will p Montfort In De-
troit Free Press.