Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-04-05

W. could not be too long. provided OF
W course, that July behaved as July,
and one could bask in the sunshine on
the lawn on the river. and cool ones self in
the shade of willows in mysterious backwaters,
where the sedges are full of bloom and the lilies
lie in tangle of loneliness, lifting their milk
white chalices TO the warm blue sky. This
year find 1 am growing old. and that We can
have too much even OF July, monotony of
iOveliness that preys upon ones spirits, a per-
petual sunshine that irritates ones nerves
have only lately discovered what it is to
have nerves; and since made that discovery
seem to have nothing but nerves. Mother
asked me yesterday what had become
of my sweet temper, She hardly recognized
ner daughter OF year ago in the fretful young
person OF today. Was ever sweet tempered?
asked myself wonderingly. know am very
uaamiable now. / was snappish to my dear
old Broomield this very morning. snatched
nv white frock out of her hand while she stood
shillyshallying and pressing about it in her dear
old rambling way, debating whether it was or
not fresh enough for mo to wea-
What does it matter" cried impatiently.
"There is nobody to see my frock''
Nobody. Miss Daisy. when Mr.. Cyril is
marching up and down by the boat house at
this very moment waiting for you?''
Cyril Is nobody-a fance doesn't count"
said l.
Don't he, Miss2 It was different in nv
time. young woman always took pains with
herself when she had some one to walk out
with
And yon used to walk out with ali sorts of
people, believe, you dear old firt" said /,
for one OF my earliest memories is of Broom
fields long stories about soldiers and shop boys
who paraded the London parks with her in her
previous services.
Il always had admirers, Miss Daisy but (
knew how 10 keep them at arms length" she
answered with dignity. "A young person in
service in London must have respectable
young man to walk out with or she would
never get breath of fresh air
'Oh. you cruel Broomfeld to think OF the
shoe leather your victims must have worn out,
You meaning nothing all the time"
''Lor. Miss. they're used TO it, and it only
serves them right" said Bloomfield They're
ali as artful as they're high. and they've al
ways an eye to a young woman's Post Office
Savings Bank book
i encouraged the dear old thing to prattle in
this fashion while she fastened my white cam
brio frOck. and forgot poor Cyril who had
been loating about for the last hour waiting
Thames. l am afraid / am developing hor-
rid. inconsistent, eapricious character. How
odd it is that one may go on adoring place for
years, ard then weary of it suddenly in one
week of blazing July weather.
l hope it is only temporary WEAKNESS
caused by that very hot weather.
Fountainhead shows its usual dismal aspect
of closed shutters and blinds drawn down Mr.
Florestan came in meteor-like manner at the
beginning OF last week; took tea with mother
on Tuesday afternoon while | was miles and
miles up the river with CyrIl. yawning myself
To death over a silly novel. while he threw his
ny for trout. and seemed to do nothing but en-
tangle has line in the willows. When / went
down 10 dinner that evening mother informed
me that Mr.. florestan had done me the honor
To inquire about my health--as if were ever
1ll-and. furthermore. that lie TO leave
Iountainhead early next morning on his way
to Scotland. where he was to spend the whole
OF August and September.
felt inclined to hate Scotland
"How VIII Paris get on without him? I'm
afraid there1l be revolution, or at least an
emeute. | remarked. fippantly.
have noticed III myself lately that when I
feel as II my heart were made of lead ain
always inclined to be fippant
Why should my heart be heavy? Why oh
why! Cyrll Is So frank. so clever in his own
bright. Doylsh way. SO altogether what Young
man ought to be. and yet am not satisfied:
there Is terrible sense of failure and life
gone wrong always gnawing at nv heart
Mother began 10 talk to me yesterday about
my trOusseau. but begged her not to mention
the odIous thing for ages. Nv drawers and
hrInolres and hanging closets stuffed with
clothes OF all kinds. and how can | want more
True that | never seem TO have the right kind
OF gown 10 wear Tor any given occasion. but
believe that Is q popularity of all wardrabes
and daresay if l had the most magnificent
trousseau should find before ms honeymoon
was over that must refuse really tempting in
Nitauons for want of appropriate ra5ment.
All this Is idle beating about the bush o. nv
discomfort. / am engaged to be married amt
4 shrink with actual aversion from the mere.
thonght OF The future life have pledged my
sell TO lead like my lover with a very cor
dial hiking and am happy and at ease in ms
company so long as he does not remind Inc
that he Is my lover and that he expects very
soon 10 De my husband. When he does remind
ME OF that OdlOus fact | almost hate him: lust
as hate the July weather. and the river and
the gardens and myself most of all
on. II Is such dreadful thing TO know ones
self beloved by a good and true heart like ~
fus and not 10 be able to give ones whole
heart IN return. II II were not for this good
Odd stupid diary believe / shouid 90 out of
my mind il eases nv heart a little 20 scribble
about my thoughts and feelings. / could not
talk even to my dear mother as can talk TO
this book.
wonder Mr.. Florestan did not STAY one dav
longer az Fountainhead Just to see Us all again
and TO tel US the latest news OF Paris
Poor mother has anxieties OF her own and IL
would be cruel TO plague her with mine. ever,
L could bring myself TO talk about NV
trouble. which am sure could not. She IL
very ANXIOUS about Uncle Ambrose, and don {
wonder. He Is In very bad health and fear
that his mental health Is III question. and that
seems more hopeless aud more fTlli of alarm
for the future than any bodily a;lment
He came back 20 River Lawn reluctantly:
and have seen him change for the worse dav
by day since We came here. He spends all his
siudious hours IN the old cottage. sitting in the
library, where he has all his choicest books.
and where he did SO much good work in past
years But even IN his studious hours he is
Restless. aud comes back to this house every
now and then IN a eapricious, purposeless way.
Just 10 say few words to mother or to wander
about the garden for few minutes and to
stand looking dreamily at the river us if he
had had some reason for leaving his books and
coming across the road, and had forgotten
II on the way
lie Will not admit that he is ILL nor will he
consent TO consult a physician. though mother
has urged him TO see any one of the great men
IN whom everybody believes. He declares that
he mas never IN his life consulted doctor on
has Own account, and that he Is too old 10
begin
Il remember n sleek white-haireG gentle
man with gold-rimmed spectacIes who felt NV
pulse and looked -. my tongue every day for A
fortnight when had the measles" Ia sa;d