Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1890-07-19
LIGHT MOODS.

CALLED to order-The bartender.
THE most successful of all spoilers
Flies.
WINNING at sin-Lowering the eye
lid at the druggist
THE student who cannot pass an
examination frequently experiences q
greater difficulty in passing saloon.
DoN'T be a clam. If you've got to
be anything of the kind, be a mud tur-
tie. Then you may have some snap to
you.
WE have it on reliable authority thai
good deal of the time spent by young
ladies and gentlemen in paIlors goes to
waist.
BosToN HoUsEKEEpER-Is not this
lump of ice rather diminutive? Polite
Iceman - You should remember,
madam, that cold contracts.
Il THINK | know now" said the man
who had taken the twentycent piece
for twenty-five, what is meant by the
expression contracted quarters. ,"
RIpLEY-How Shorts laughed at
Fogg's story q while ago. l didn't
think it very funny. Wilks-I didn't
but Shorts had just before borrowed
five dollars from Fogg.
Mn. JASON saw something to-day
that would make mans hair stand on
end. Mrs Jason - Gracious What
was it? Mr.. Jason-A bottle of mu-
cilage.
"IT's enough to kind of sour a man
on human nature" said the tramp,
"when you stop to consider how often
you're called lazy because you won't do
a 75-cent job at sawin' wood for To-
cent breakfast. "
FIRST POET am going to get even
with the editor of the NOgood Mdgd-
zine. Second Poet - How? First
Poet--I've sent him poem. and I've
poisoned the mucilage on the return
envelope.
FIRST TRAMP pointing to scare
crow in cornfeld Look Lookee
there! Second Tramp-My! Ny! We
must git out O this, double quick.
They've caught one of us fellers and
nailed him to pole.
TRAMP Beg pardon, sir; can you
'elp pore man? I've lost my voice,
and now I'm out O work Old gentle.
man-Out of work because you lost
your voice Are you vocalist? Tramp
No, sir; / sells fish,
con, children! You are SO noisy to-
day. Can't you be little stilier and
better?" "Now, grandma, you must
be little considerate and not scold US.
You see, if it wasn't for us you
wouldn't be grandma at all.
W1LL-They say the Fast Street
Museum has become VIGOROUSLY bad
place of late. Bill-So it has.
wouldn't want any decent person tc
know I'd ever had been there. Sup
pose you and | drop in there tonight,
just to look around.
PATRIcK-Yez needn't talk t til
loiks O me abooty Darwin. Olive got
an argument phich downs i'm. Mon
is the only animal that kin talk.
Scientist Listen to those Italians oyel
there. Patrick they're chatterin
loike pack O monkeys.
well, my dear, are you quite sure
that the new play we are going to see
tonight is quite proper?" Entirely
so, my darling but why do you ask p
Because if have to blush much had
better wear my scarlet corsage; il
would make prettier effect"
HIS USUAL STYLE.
us there man in this church to-day
Who'll come and give me his hand
| The preacher said, and go our way
On the trip to the Promised Land?'
@There is !" cried the editor, near the door,
While his face with rapture glowed;
And the minister said as he eyed him Ger
Free pass on the Heavenly roedl'
atlanta Constitution.
Miss ANTIQUE taking politely q
proffered seat in a crowded street-car
Thank you, my little man. Yol
have been taught to be polite an
glad to see. Did your mother tell vol
to always give up your seat to ladies
Little Boy-No'm, not all ladies, onl,
old ladies.
A HARLEM minister, while marrying
, couple recently, is reported to hav'
) been rather Disconnected on asking tn
bridegroom if he was willing to TAX
) the young lady for his welded wife
! by his scratching his head and saying
r "Yes, I'm willing; but I'd a nue.
sight rather have her sister"