Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-08-21
JoKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF TIE PRESS.
a ReAection-Therers q Reason for
Everything -cruel-welI Named.
Etc. Etc.
VIEWING THE CASE PROPERLY.
Deaf Man Go musician) mo, I'll not
give you anything. Pm deaf and can't
hear your music.
Friend (speaking into his trumpet)-
Well, give him dime out Of thankful
ness because you can't hear him
Epoch.
MARRIED MEN RRALIzE THIS.
Somebody says, 'Gt is just as easy to
tell lien ofcourse it is, but the results
are not so immediately pleasant. -
Bonneville journal.
AMBITION DEFINED.
''My son, define ambition sE
"Well, it's always feeling that You
want 10 do something that YOU know you
can't. "-[Life. 9 4
THE BOY AND THE WATERMELON.
A brief poem ON a boy and water
melon:
Morn: Rollicksome.
Noon: Frolicsome.
Night: Colicsome.
Washington Post.
CHERE's A REASON FOR EVERYTHING.
81 see the Reading Railroad Snperin.
tendent has ordered the trainmen to shave
off their wkiskers."
sCurious order. I suppose, though,
it was necessary. The wind blowing
through their whiskers probably delayed
the train"
A REFLECTION.
| Mr.. Yamacraw Miss Priscilla, you are
a first-class mirror.
Miss Priscilla Pulaski (blushing) )-Lal !
Mr.. Yamacraw, whyg Because ! am so
| truthful
| Mr.. Yamacraw-No; because you are
such a good looking lass.
Miss Priscilla -Oh, Mr.. Yamacrawl
and am / then to regard you as an adj
mirror? Savannah News.
| HER HEAD WOULD KEEP HER UP.
Maiden Fair--Oh, it always makes my
head swim to 60 on the water.
| Sailor Facetious-No danger of drown
ing, then, mem, if you should fall over
board. ~ Bazaar.
wELL-NAMED.
II see that button parties are being
held in some parts of the West, re-
marked Mrs. Cnmso. II wonder why
they are so nameds"
/ because they are bound to come of, =
replied Cumso.
i Mrs. Cumso Cat the breakfast table,
George, wish you would remind me-
| Cumso Gnterrupting) All, you begin
to realize that your mind is about gone
do youa
THE SAD PART.
Fred-I wish my girl would hurry Vi
and marry me, if she is going to.
Edwin-Is she keeping you in sus
pensea
FredS- No; expense. Detroit Ere,
Press.
CAUsTIC.
"How is it possible to reach.the peopl,
who never read newspaper"
ssSome could be got at in asylums fo
the blind, probably. ."-[Society.
a REMARKABLE TENANT.
t.What sort of q tenant is Grabberg'
sFirst rate. He's lived in my hous,
for two years and has never once aslSet
for new foundation for it. New Yorl
Sun.
A CHRONIC SUMMER GIRL.
eyes, said she, dreamily, 81 mus
confess to having seen twenty y-three sum
mers. @
s.And the same number Of winters,
supposed"
.sOh, the winters don't count. I an
never engaged in the winter. Terr
Haute Express.
III HIS LATEST TITLE.
Wee Wife--Love you2 OF course
do. You dear, blessed old peach crop.
III Big Husband lowing but luckless)- =
Great Scottl Why this new titlea
w. W---Because you are such q per
petual failure. Yenowine's News.
no SIGN or n THERE.
aHorses, I hold, have great intelli
gence."
ssEome of them have. But there wa
one horse down at the Branch tha
hadn't.
elbow did he show ite''
HE ran away with Miss Patter.'- :
New York Herald
!, SEASIDE AMENITIES.
.sI'll have q fit, I know I shalt
shrieked woman who was refusing I
be coaxed into the surf lat Ocean Grove.
ssNot in that suit you have on, y sal,