The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-12
Mr.. AND MRS. BowsER.
BY R BOWSER.

way. We had no place to move it to,
and when summer came without Mr..
Bowser having said anything about a re-
moval [ felt perfectly assured that he
would leave that stove alone. Great was
my CONSERVATION, therefore, when he
suddenly observed the other evening, as
we roasted on the front steps:
Well, well, but how sbsent-minded l
have become! Why didn't you call my
attention to the fact that that coal stove
had not been moved out of the hall ?"
Because it is to be left there"
"Not muc ! People must have thought
US a queer family to leave it here as long
as we have"
"Mr. Bowser, that stove is not in the
way, and it is not an eye-sore. Besides,
we have no place to store it."
1T goes to the barn, of course"
at would be the most fooli- h thing
you could do
"Humph! How would it look to have
a snow-shovel standing on each side of
our front door with the thermometer at
95 degrees in the shade? One must have
an eye out for consistency and the eter-
nal fitness Of things"
"WeIl, if you are determined to move
it, if you will move it IN spite Of my pro-
tests, send up a couple Of men tomorrow
and have it over with"
"Send up nothing! Do you suppose
I'm going to pay some one 81 to lift that
stove out when I can do it myself with a
twist of the wrist? I'll have tout of
the way in ten minutes"
"Mr. Bowser, you can no more move
that stove than | can fly"
To-3% > ,n~ l. - ~ al 49, loroI
tied behind me, and I'll 60 right at it."
l argued and entreated, but it was no
use. 1t was a dreadfully warm evening,
and Mr.. Bowser was painting as he sat
tanning him elf, but what did he do but
walk in and prepare himself for the
struggle. | felt that l ought to make
one last appeal, and l followed him and
said:
"Mr. Bowser, if you won't touch the
stove to night I'll make a big pitcher of
ice cold lem made"
Lemonade! Nonsens. ! One would
think from the way you talk hat l was
going to murder somebody. Just sit
right here AMI enjoy the cool breez9 while
| skip the stove out. I'll get the wheel
barrow and take it to the barn."
Mr.. Bowser, remember that | pro
test"
"Certainly. You are the great Ameri-
can professor, anyway. If I killed a fly
you'd protest"
l went back to the steps, knowing we'll
what would happen, but l felt that I had
done my duty. 1 heard him fussing
around for awhile, and then he muttered:
"She's purity hefty, but she's got to
come out O. this"
Ten seconds later there was a wild
whoop, and when I got into the hall Mr..
BOwser stood on one foot and was Shak-
ing the other in the air, while the top of
the stove lay on the floor. He had pulled
it off at the first grab,
Thunder and blazes-and Jewhit-
taker-and Texas-and Jemima !" he was
yelling, as he waved his foot aloft.
Didn't l tell you? ' l queried, as 1
looked at him.
"No! Never! You never said a
word-not a world
"Now will you let the stove alone p
ono! I'll take it out of here if I die
for it,
"Mr. Bowser, this pig-headed obstinacy
Of yours will surely lead To-"
But he made a jump at me, ard | fed
back to the front steps and waited in sus-
pense and terror for the climax. 1t was
prolonged for about ten minutes. Mr..
BowSer had decided to go slow and avoid
another accident. He took off all the
loose parts, removed his coat, vest, collar
and cuffs, dropped the ~supenders off
his shoulders, and I plainly heard him
spit on his hands and growI:
"NOne Of the BOwser family were ever
yet downed by a coal stove, and it's too
late to begin noW!'
Another man would have removed the
legs first. He didn't think of it, but uu-
dertook to remove the stove as one moves
a barrel standing on end. He had pro-
crossed about FIVE feet, when there was
a sound which frightened the whole
neighborhood. My first impression was
that the ginger ale factory in the alley
had exploded and driven our barn up
against the kitchen. Ny next was hat a
British gunboat had slipped around from
the Behring sea and dropped a 400 pound
Mr.. Bowser's assertions that we were
the greatest fighting nation on earth.
I knew what had happened So did
the cook. So did the neighbors. 1t was
a minute before | could move, and I was
lying indoors when l heard Mr.. BOWSer
utter a strange understanding between
the last roar of a dying lion and the
plaintive moan of a cow for her lost calf.
I couldn't see him at first. 1t was all
stove, and the stove was on top Of him.
Between my screams and the cooks
shouts we got a neighbor in, anG the
three of US lifted up the stove and dragged
Mr.. Bowser out.
"You are the biggest fool in America,
and I'll gamble on i'll" exclaimed the
ne ghbor, as he stooi over Mr.. Bowser.
A long drawn groan.
at ought to have killed you! A man
who doesn't know better ought to have a
ton Of iron fall on him! suppose your
wife will be foolish enough to send for a
doctor, but if you were any kin to me I'd
take you out and drive you head first into
the alleyr' .