The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1890-11-22
MISCELLANEOUS.

-Mulligan-"Take some of tho medi-
cine, Mary Ann. The doctor said it
would ayther kill or cure without fail"
Mrs. Mulligan-"Arrah, but which will
1t do tirst?'-America.
1T is said that thirty new one-dollar
bills weigh as much as twenty-dollar
goid piece. Any one who can get hold
OF sou at one time can easily ascertain
the truth of the above statement.
--old Lady-"Where is your husband,
Mrs. DcLong?" Mrs DeLong = "Ho
couldn't come. He has the rheumatism
all over him." Goodness me! And he's
over six feet high."-Good News.
- trust" said the love-lorn young
man, "that the poem sent you touched
you even If only very little" sit
dld, 1T did," she muImured; ~ made
curl papers with t."-Washington Post.
"A farmer near Los Angeles has
forty-soven acres of corn and is willing
to wager that 10000 Of tho stalks are
twenty-five feet high, which is higher
than man on horseback can reach.
lie expects crop OF $50 bushels to tho
aero.
In Juno and July. whom tho seals
are congrcgated at tho rookeries and
mother seal has given birth to her pup,
the animal must 60 fifty miles for her
food. The visit is to the fishing banks,
and the seal swims it in about an hour.
benevolent but Near-sighted EN-
ployer-"Patrick, what's that undor
your coat?" Pat (who is working the
growlcr)-"I sorry to say it is can,
SIR" Employer-'Great heavens, Pat
rick! Stop work and go straight to tho
hospital!'-Munsey's Weekly.
Nathaniel Bailey's English Die
tionary," published in 1921. contains
the word Observation-Disclosures" the
definition being "honorableness" That
knocks completely out that familiar
breath tester of tho old-fashioned spell.
ing Observation-Disclosures"
Two boys while hunting recently in
Ojai Valley, CAL, were freed by a bio
bear which kept them on their uncom.
Portable perch for eighteen hours. de.
vouring all their provisions in tho
meantime. An old hunter camo along
and raised the siege with a bullet.
Mrs. Livermore says that her hus-
band is Republican, while she is Pro.
hlbltionist; no is n protectionist, while
she is FREQ trader: he has pew in one
church and she in another; he has one
doctor, she another; and vet they arc
happy and harmonious and never dream
OF quarreling.
1T is not generally known that n
single mouse turned loose in grocery
window will catch moro flies in a single
evening than fly paper catches all day.
And, besides, no eats them and don't
leave them lying around loose. Don't
grudge the mouse his little mischief; he
Is good fly and roach exterminator.
Tho romance OF diamond mining is
all gone. 1t is now matter of oxcavat.
ing vast beds OF blue clay by machinery,
washing 1T and sitting out the diamonds,
which, after being roughly sorted for
slzc are sold in bulk by weight Tho
men who do tho actual work arc mere
laborers, and their pay is proportion
atoly small.-Boston Post.
First AuditOr-"Who is that man
sitting in the box over therc?" Second
Audltor-"Ile is tho author OF this
comedy" First Auditor = "Wcll, |
should think ho would havo better tasto
IMAM to laugh so uproariously" Second
Audltor-"O, it's all right. He is tho
author of the play, but no never heard
those jokes before. Those were put in
by tho comedians"
Tho wholesale destruction Of forosta
In this country is attracting attention
In Germany, and it is predicted that We
snail In Il few years he Impoverished in
tree property. A striking comparison
Is made of the two countries. While
tho United States has but II por cent Of
It's area covered 10y forests, tho Empire
of Germany has 2G per cent Of it's en-
tire area so covered.
First Criminal-"Ilello, Jim. how
did you you get out of iail?" Second
Criminal-"I filed bar and let mvsolf
out Of window" First Criminal
but how about your striped clotbcsp"
Second Criminal-"O that was all RIGHT
Inc Jail isn't far from bathing resort,
and as soon as got down to the beach
was all right They took my convict
rig for bathing suit."-America.
The fall of William IIanlon, tho
ACROBAT, seems rs nothing in comparison
with that of George Holloway of New
Albany. Ind. He was sent to the ton of
the large brick chimney, ninety-Iye
feet high, at tho glass works, to tear
down the structure. Hardly had he
reached the top when he slipped and
fell into the stack, and ricochettinr
from side to side struck tho bottom
without a scratch. He was at work
again in an hour.
There is young lady in sani-
tarlum at Clinton Springs. n V, who
has become such slave to chocolate
candy that all tho shopkeepors for miles
around have been notified not to sell
her any. She has eaten so much of it
that her skin has become tho color of
chocolate. Recently by piece of de-
ception, she was able to get two pounds
of tho candy from q confectioner,s md