The morning call., 1890-05-25
MAKING CALLS.
Sometimes a Social Burden.
What One in the Swim Says.

HI DECLARE! exclaimed society lady in
the hearing of writer for THE CALL,
~ "this making calls has become bur
den. for one, am heartily sick and tired of
il, and often l am tempted to let the whole
thing fail into oblivion"
But how could any social relations be
maintained" queried her listener, iii We
are to disregard what is certainly very near
the foundation of the whole social fabric?"
ION, of course, know that we must so
on making and receiving calls, but as
said, sometimes l grow very sick of
it all. The larger ones visiting list
becomes the greater the burden. There
are q great many things that enter
into the custom VIII ich make it very hard
for one VINO would really like to know and
visit few friends. For every social occa-
sion, except tea, 1t is necessary to make
call in return, and even for a tea, if you do
not go to the afternoon reception. you must
call in per son and leave your card
But, to be perfectly candid. it is not in
regard to the mere formality of making
calls that l complain. but of the thousand
and one little things that are such an an
noyance taken as a whole"
Would you mind going into details ?"
Not at all, and perhaps | can make you
see what | mean. In the first place. the
etiquette that accompanies tile proper dis
tributiOn of cards is overwhelming. How
many worry themselves into fever as to
what is the correct thiugP For my part, l
will not make myself distributor of circu-
lars, as it were, so | never leave more than
two cards at one house. tits not necessary.
The books on calling etiquette say card
turned over at one end denotes call
in person II there is visitor in the fam
lily two cards should be left - one lor
the visitor. one for the family, or one card
may be LETT, with the right end bent or
creased. A young lady calling on a family
where there are elderly as well as young
ladies leaves two cards, so you see that
settles the matter.
at would be hard to say when the fem-
nine heart first awakens TO the delight Of
making calls. | am inclined to believe that
1t begins almost before the infant members
of my sex are out of the cradle, for even
while We are babies in arms we are taken
by our mothers to spend the day l can
remember that before / was years old |
used to dress up in my best and call upon
the little girls in my neighborhoOd and
leave cards with the children whom l saw
every day In the week. 10 be sure, some of
them may have forgotten that | was COM
ing or had been carried off by their moth
ers to danciHg-schooi, or worse yet, to the
dentists, but still the card was left and the
duty performed.
But what disgusts me more than any
thing else in connection with calling are
the fierce disputes that so often rage over
the making Of a first call or as to which
lady is in the others debt. | have seen
people whom | had had every reason to
look upon as ladies behave with great rude
ness, contradict each other over the matter,
and urge the most absurd excuses for the
claim to preference. You came to this
country first You have been longer in
the church than l. You lived on this
hood "A single lady must call upon the
married one'-these are few OF the reasons
that are alleged with more or less-and
generally lesS-pollteness. And then |
have known ladies so pulled up with a sense
oil their own Importance as TO boast that
they never made a first call, that of course
meaning by implication that if any one
wishes to know them they must seek the
a acquaintance.
Another phase of the calling question
1should not like to say how many women use
their calling list as a means of rebuking
what they are pleased to consider the pre-
sumption or discourtesy Of their acQuaInt-
ances. Such one uses her calls rs a means
Of discipline. IL affords her great delight
to have the call upon some one whom she
wishes to slight. And how she says: There,
| never shall call upon that woman again,
I've made up my mind that l don't want to
know her! or, another phase appears in
the remark, She owed me a call for ever so
long, but whenever l meet her Pm just as
pleasant as can be, for want her to make
call, and then!
Another thing I've also noticed" contin-
ued the society lady, and that is, it would
be well If more carried out the Injunction
of not to talk about servants or children
l declare l am so bored often by one or the
other that don't know what TO do. ] sup
pose that 1t s useless to tell women not TO
gossip, Tor chit-chat about-one's acquaint-
anceS IS almost sure to Introduce itself as
soon as two ladies are seated; but if we do
not scandaliZe each other / don't see that
auy vital harm is done
It's just as well to be very cautious
how one makes her apologies for a long
neglected cali. 1t is crushing to have them
received by n look of blank unconcern or
the remark: Why, do you owe me call
| had forgotten all about it. thought that
| was the one. That may sound rude, and
| suppose that it does, but l can tell you
I've heard 1t done time and again. Oh,
just trust my sex for cool. clean. clear
thrust!
IS To my mind there is no more exasper-
ating experience than that which follows in
train of certain style of preteDtious ac-
quaintance. Oh, don't wait for me, just run
in any time, you know | am always glad to
see you Now that sounds very nice and
cordial, 1t has ring about 1T that seems
very sociable, but just let me toll you that
no lady enjoys having it said to her."
What's the reason that she doesn't?"
Cant you imagine? 1t seems to imply
that her time is as nothing compared with
that of one who gives these Invitations 1t
means that the other is so much deeper in
the swim. it's a sort of social patronage,
and that is what no woman of any spirit
will stand from another. It's the repetition
of 1t, too. that becomes so insulting
but l have made up my mind to one
thing, that although many amusing contre-
temps may occur in connection with calls,
such as getting into the wrong house by
mistake, true lady Will always be consid-
crate OF the feelings of her guests and never
allow any one of them to depart with the
feeling that her visit was unwelcome or
that her departure has been fastened"