The Hawaiian gazette., 1890-09-23
"Ouite an Idea

in session. The great thinkers and
mental acrobats of Hawaii have
been for some time assembled to-
gether in council. Their keen
minds and bright intellects have
been brought to bear on many all
important matters relating to the
| economic, social and comical well
fare of this country. The walls of
the Government buildings and of
neighboring edifices have re-echoed
the burning eloquence of orators
such as it is safe to say the world
has never heard before. And we
keep it all to ourselves True it is
that in those ports to which Homo
lulu steamers carry the news of
what is going on in this Hub of the
Pacific. the conflict that takes place
| on the wharves for ''the latest from
the House of Hawaiian Legisla-
ture" is such as would gladden. the
| heart Of the blood-thirstiest, and
leaves cock-tighting far behind.
Telegraphic wires and cables are
called into requisition, and far
and wide, from Greenland's
icy mountains to India's coral
| sands, flashes the record OF the do
ings and the sayings of the most
unique body of politicians and
statesmen it has ever been the good
fortune of the world to read of, but
so far as the joy of listening to and
seeing these great men is con-
cerned, we keep it all to ourselves.
Why do so any longer? Things
seen are mightier than things
heard. Why put up your volcanoes
as attractions for tourists? Why
attempt to inveigle them into the
country by promises of good time
and a good climate? Why hint at
the necessity of Substituting an adj
vertising paper? If you want
tourists to come in crowds, let the
biennial news be sent abroad that
s'THE HAWAIIAN LEGISLATURE WILL
ASSEMBLE ON APRIL 1sT, AND CONTINUE
IN SESSION FOR SIX MONTHS" and l
warrant you, from East and West,
from North and South, the tourists
will come fast. Beyreuth attracts
thousands by its Passion Play"
Why should not Hawaii attract
thousands by its Comedy of En-
rors''? Try it. It's bound to be a
grand success. Enlarge the Legis-
lative Hall. build q suitable audi
torium for visitors, charge 81 a
head admission, half price after l
p. NJ, with season tickets at fair
rate, and families let IN on reduced
terms. l fancy I see the crowds
assembling to take their places, be-
fore the duIcet strains of the
parson indicate the approaching
opening of the polemical and aero
battle arena. As they go they study
the programme of the days doings.
How the Hon. Narrowman will
wipe the sawdust. will wipe the
sawdust, will wipe the sawdust off
the floor with Larry; how Viii
Hen will execute his wonderful
feat of sliding into a gasoline tank
along street slippery with his
friends gore; how the Marquis of
| Nowhere will play solo on his
Spoil Guitar; how Loui Cas- will,
while holding down a Chinese car
penter with one hand, balance high
| in air with the other fat Govern
ment contract (Herculean feat);
how Hapahaole Bros. will without
damage to anyone) shoot their jaws
right off; how Kahula will turn his
coat outside in, and himself from
inside out; and how in addition to
all this Cob will delight with his
Intoxicating eloquence, Corner will
descant on the Money question, and
distribute his great work entitled
{" Corners Curiosity, or Fortune
| in Five Minutes" for. which no
charge will be made; Iceberg and
Muleteer will give graphic descrip-
tions of Sunday spent with the
German Emperor, and each and
everyone of the Members of the
House will In turn exercise their
well-known talents in such a way
as will insure pleasure to the pub
lie and profit to the kingdom. The
whole might conclude with a grand
harlequinade by the authors of the
Third Warning Voice" A COM
pany might readily be formed to
carry out the scheme l have
planned. But little funds will be
required to start with. The cos
tunes of the performers might be