Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1890-03-03
MInTu AND MERnIMENT.

Police Sergeant: IT'S the man danger.
ously wounded?" Irish poiice-suraeon: :
"Two OF the wounds are mortal; but tho
third can be cured, provided the man
keep. perfectly quiet for at least s!x
! He: I'm the pisno.tuner. num-" She :
II haven't sent for any piano-tu tuner" he:
eyes, mum-I know, mum; 1t were the
gentleman next door sent me here.
num-"
II hear your husband ia III, Mra
Jonss?" "Yes, um." "NothinR cerious.
hopef His condition Is not eriticaIr'
II should say he werel He amt satis-
6ed with n0thiup
Mamma Cat the doll counter): s.Now.
Flossie dear, hero 10 q very large g.sort-
ment TO select from. What kind OF o
dolly would you like to haveT" Flossie:
"Tvins, mamma, II you please"
The Captain Ito Jack Hardup) /:
There's the great heiress, Misc Money
penny. Go and propose" Jack Hard.
up: "But she DOESN'T know me yet"
The captain: ''Don't you see, dear boy,
thats your only chance"
She: II Jaw somebody this morning
l0r whom you have . great admiration .
He: you did. chi l guess You must
have looked In the mirror"
A young lady ate half Wedding cake,
then tried TO dream Of her future hus-
band. Now she says she would rather
die than marry the man ste saw In that
dream.
II lie common practice for piok-pock-
cts TO call out Ia . crowd: "Look out
for your valuables." Naturally every
msn who hears that warning puts his
hand to the pocket in which his va ia
bles are, thus exposing the place to
which the thief can most probably turn
bis attention.
Employer: care you watchful and
prudent In looking after business inter-
esisf' Applicant for position: "l'vo
carried the same umbrella over two years
without losing It or having 1t sto en-. /"
Employer: ''rhun you shall have entire
control OF my extensive business, and
name your own salary"
Courtly gentleman: "May I ask n
you were present at the 'Creation'?'
Elderly maiden (blushiug with quick in.
d.gustion): "Sir, do not uuders tan a
what you mean" Courtly gentlemsn
Nothing, ma'am-nothiue; simply
wished to inquire II you attended the
orator'o BY tie Coral soc city on We'd
nesday."
Take my advice and get married"
II have horror OF p,rpe ual slavery
IAN, my dear hoy, II you only could dnd
wife like mine : so good, 80 kind, SO
sfiectionate, go devoted" "Well, then,
III walt TIL she's widow"
I'D dn't l tell you that didn't want to
see you In tbs court room aga'ni" aske I
II magistrate of an Iri,hman. Yes, sor. -
And didn't you promise that / should
never see you again?" ~ did, your
honor" "fIen why do I see your
because you are not blind, your
homer"
| "Did Mr.. Ganderson er-speak to
you, papap "Yes; he told me he had
Asled you TO marry h.T, and you Ind
consented; and then he wanted my per-
miss on" "And what did you say para,
denrf You consented, OF courseP' mo,
] told him il you had sa d yes that set.
tied 1t. Anything l might say or dc
wouldn't make the slightest difference. "
Sam johnson happened 10 pay visit
to the county jail few days ago, and
who should he see inside OF the bars but
Gabe snodgrass. FLOW In de worl',
Gabe, did you git in dap ask,d Sam
johnson. ~ dean bodder my head bout
dat ~, how ! gin in hcsh. How ter ri,
ont OBJ heah is whut l wants ter talk
erbout."
why, my dsr child, what Is three
thousand dollars = yeai? 1t woulin't
more than pay for your breakfasts and
lunches. The engagement is out Of the
question" well, I'm sure, mother,
that is enough. | never care. for more
than two meals a day, and II We are per-
ticularly hungry we can dine with our
friends"
What the Girl Meant. Mother: "Tcll
| me what you meant by introducing me
to Mr.. Brown as your aunti' Devoted
daughter: "Forgiye me, mother, but Mr..
Brown appears to be on the point OF pro-
posing, and It won d not do to run any
risks just now, you know. He has
very strong prejudice against mo hers
in-law
Mistress. hat, going to lesva
alrea'yf WHY, you have not been here u
week." Maid: n know 1t, mum; but /
can't stand 1t here, Things run to-
smooth like, num-" Mistress "Why,
what eau you IN ANT" Maid: .you see,
mum, 1 has always been in places where
they keep three servants" Mattress;
"ob, you are Ion, some, thcnl" Maid;
mo. mum. not lonesome; but you see,
misses tho confusion.
"G.orge, there 10 sadness end melan-
cho'y in your eyes tonight, and your
ell eks seem blanchej." Eyes, Naomi,
am far from be ng happy" ",onhde
In me, dearest. Let me share your sor-
row. Have the bufietings Of this cruel
world cart Rloum over your soull
"Well, not exactly; but you see thee
shoes are new, and they pinch like thun-
der"
A husband who was in the habit OF
always correcting his wiie's statements
remarked, when che mentioned that sine
WIS born on the twenty first OF April;
"You mean the 6rst, my dear-not the
twenty tirst. You were born on the tirs
day OF April, you know" Thereon the
exasperated wife exclaimed; "Peoplc
might well think 80, considering the
choice made OF a husbandp