Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-21
A WELCOME BURGLAR.

lOW4
A Voice Below-A burglar; am look
ing for your sterling silver.
Buggs-Hold on; I'll be up in min
ute and help you Jewellers Circular.
IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE.
First Burglar-Well, you're bright
'un.
Second Burglar What's the matterl
"The paper says there was $500 In
money in the drawer you got that gold
watch from, an you missed it,"
s'That 500 I'll go back after it to-
night. "-[Epoch.
WOULD 1T REPAY HIMi
Bowles-Miss Alice, when leave you
in few minutes, | may never see you
again, for | sail in an hour to Australia.
You know how have loved you, and
though you have not reciprocated the
feeling, 1 hope you will think of me
sometimes when l am grinding out
wearisome existence at the Antipodes.
Miss Alice (who has a penchant for
jewelry)-I will endeavor to think of you
sometimes; But, Mr. Bowles, if you will
get me one of those pretty gold necklaces
to which lock is attached, will give
the key to your keeping. / will then be
unable to take the necklace of, and 1t
will be constant reminder OF YOU
Jewellers Circular.
GENEROSITY BEGINS AT HOME.
Moves f. Howells-Gwendolin reaches
her nineteenth birthday on the 4th of
next month. / intend to give her a
diamond ring.
Dashard Poore- i wish were rich
enough TO buy diamond ring.
Maud Linn-She'll take the will for
the deed
Dashard Poore-Yes, If / were rich
enough to buy diamond ring for Gwen
dolin, I'd buy pair of shoes for myself.
-[Jewelers' Circular.
ENLISTED.
81 understand you are engaged to Miss
Longgn
s'Yes; my first engagement.
ssYour first9
eyes; never smelled powder before"
Il Binghsmton Leader
HE SPOKE TOO LATE.
He was pastor of high repute;
That she was a beauty none could dispute.
He loved her dearly, yet loved in vain,
For he dared not tell her his longing pain.
But when, at the close of church one day,
She asked his escort part of the way,
His heart beat high, and he almost
thought
He'd be able to plead for the love he
sought.
'T've favor to ask, the maiden said,
As she blushed and dropped her lovely
head;
81 wish to know if you'll marry me
In church next Tuesday at half-past
three"
"That's just what l wanted to ask" he
said.
ssAnd now we'll hasten each other to
we'd
"Ohl no." she cried, ''that was rot my
plan;
You must marry me to another mani
II New York Herald.
DISCOVERED.
Burglar (soliloquizing)-Well, l guess
that's all can get here.
Waiter talking in his sleep)-Haven't
you forgotten something, sirl
exit burglar-sash and all.)-LLife.
THE LOVERS KNOW IT.
/ The big girls who have little brothers
Who always run and tell their mothers
Whateer they hear and see, know well
In life tbs little things that tell.
-[Chicago Post.
TURNING THE TABLES.
Poet-I don't see how you have the
cheek to charge $50 for that suit.
Tailor-My name is worth something,
sir.
Poet drawing his check)-well, I'll
take it.
Tailor-But this check is for $50 only.
Poet know it-but my name is worth
something. ~ New York Sun.
NOT TO BE BLAMED.
"Let's cross over, here comes Bunker.
He's the sleepiest man | ever met"
ssYou can't blame him. Remember
that he is with himself all the time."-
Bazaar.
ADJUSTED.
''Well, I'll compromise with you, :
said the iceman 10 Mr. Simple. Il won't
raise the price of ice, but I'll make new
tonnage, say 1000 pounds to the tom
That's business, . said Simple. I'll
go you. ~ New York World.
VERY LOFTY.
GLOW high are the White Mountainsl
''They vary. From five to fifteen
dollars day. 81 New York Herald.
Curious Race.