Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-12-01
Druggists, however prosperous, always

"Ah mel" Some one had ta'en away
The little Rose of Shane.
Druggists, however prosperous, always
do business on a small scale.
A pill manufacturer advertises on the
label: "You take the pill, we do the
rest"
Editor-What's the matter with Squib's
jokes of late? Reader-He seems to be at
his wits end.
Before the Dentists Door-"IfI were
only sure that the dentist was out would
ring the BELL"
We might boast of our native cyclones,
but unfortunately they leave nothing to
blow about.
''There is but one thing that we know
about death" said the physician. -? 2"
SIT is always fatal"
The office of dentist is also studio.
While he is drawing, those about him are
making music and dancing.
Business failures seem to come in
waves, remarked Cumso. No,replied Fan
gle, they come in billowes.
Ambitious Ethel-Wnat would you do
if you had voice like mine? Spiteful
Mald-Id try to put up with it.
The bunco man seems to have streak
of benevolence about him. He is always
willing to take a stranger in.
Wicklow make cake, JOhnp
We are short of flour aud sugar. Hus
hand-Snre? Then make shOrtcake.
Bibbs-I wonder why my tailor failed?
Fibbs-Pure politeness His customers
wouldn't come down, so he went up.
Ibid she give you anything, Bill? ask
ed Bills fellow-tramp. Yes. She gave
me The cold shoulder with plenty of
sauce"
Mistress-Bridget, l wouldn't hang the
clothes on that electric wire. You may
get shocked. Bridget-Sure, mum, I've
seen 'em all before.
Book Agent have here ''Cadwallan-
dr's Concise Compendium of facts''--
Goggles" Facts?" No sir, don't want it,
I'm an editorial writer.
Poet (who is reading his verses TO a
friend)-Ahl my words seem TO touch
YOU You are shedding tears Friend
No, only wiping off the perspiration.
There doesn't seem to be any point to
this joke" said the funny mans wife;
''why did you print it?" 1.-The managing
editor got it off" replied the humorist,
sadly.
Mamma-You must not eat So many
sweets, Flossie, it will injure your teeth.
Flossie-How long will it be before can
take my teeth out, like grandma does?
ALittle Misunderstanding you wish
to marry my daughter? But are you sure
you can support wife? Why, yes, if she
has not an unreasonable great appetite.
One of the finest things about children
is the way, when they have hurt them
selves, they start and run all over the
house until they find somebody to hear
them cry.
Uncle George, who was full of brusque-
ness and humor, was delighted to give the
bride away. So he stood up before the
vast congregation and announced her age
as thirty-two.
Tommy (surprised)- Why, papa, 1
thought one spoonful of sugar was al
ways enough for my coffee! Tommy's
papa-This is restaurant, my son. Take
sugar you want
What n wonderful age of invention this
is! said Mrs. Peterson; 1 see they aIe
now making wire cloth, and I'll have some
this very week to put a seat in Johnny's
everyday trousers.
Crimple-Don't you think Miss Doxey
plays better than she sings? Miss Trum-
ble-I don't know. When l hear her sing
think she does. When she plays think
she sings better.
Mr.. Stanley says he is astonished to
find that his wife is very eloquent wo-
man. That, says the Boston Herald, is a ,
discovery that frequently dawns upon
husbands shortly after the honeymoon is
over.
The western paper that referred to the
leader of the party as the greatest chief
among them ALL" and by a compositorial s
error called him ''the greatest thief among
them all" came out in deep mourning the :
next day for the editor. /.
Marie, said Chappie, passionately. will
you not take me? L am all yours. Now,
what could l do with you if L did take .
you? she replied. I'm not collecting Curl G
osities, and if were L wouldn't have a a
cage large enough for you. i.
Parson Don't you know it is very =
wrong OF you to publish advertisements
for liquor dealers in your paper? Editor
Perhaps it is; but don't know how
can manage TO pay my bills they have n
against me unless let them take it out in h
g
First Tramp II don't see why our 4
names don't get into the paper, Bill Sec .
ond Tranquility should they? First
read to-day that dinner
was given TO some big gun in San Fran d
cisco day or two ago. We get dinners L
given to Us every day and nothing Is ever n
said about IL. Folks is prejndiced. n