Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-01-11
SPARKS OF WIT.
PUT up or shut up-Umbrellas.


HE: will you be my wife," She:
"No; but I'll be your cook"
The orator who "waxed" eloquent
vas arrested for assault and battery.
THE court house is not necess arily o
sad place because so many plaintiff
stories are heard there.
A SIGN on an Eighth avenue liquor
store reads: Family Liquor Ware
house, Family liquors wear houses all
out.
How IT worked: Carper-So you've
been trying the faith cure? Harper
Yes. Carper-Cure you? Harper-Ies
of my faith.
"YoU seem at home here" remarked a
man at the postotlice to the postmaster.
"Yes," replied the latter, this is my
stamping ground"
SOME men are called sagacious
merely on account of their ayance;
whereas, child can clench its fist the
moment it is born.
POWER and liberty are like heat and
moisture; where they are well mixed
everything prospers, where they are
single they are destructive.
THOMPSON oudlv)-Robinson you
see that gun? My wife killed bear
with that once. Robinson-Ah, indeed
What was she shooting at?
"MARRIAGEs are made in heaven"
1uoth Miss Antique. Then there is
some chance for YOU yet" was the
cruel response of her young sister.
MINKs-Were you away last sum-
mer? WHISTLES, off about a month
ut summer resort. "How did you spend
the time ?" Waiting for it to stop rain
ing"
TEACHER peacock has many
eyes in its tail. Boy suppose it can
Away find scat, but it must be ex-
pensive for eyeglasses if the beast is
near-sighted.
SERVANT answering belD - Miss
Bright doesn't care to see any one this
| am sure. Servant she won't
she mentioned you in particular.
WEARY WHISPERS (the tramp: Don't
get frightened, madam; l am a member
of the AntiWaste Society, an' | Jest
called ter see if yer didn't want ter hire
a man to eat up what yittles Yer have
left over.
A FAcEToUs man was taking drink
at bar. Observing view of Niagara
on the wall he asked jokingly. is that
real water?" No." replied the bar
tender, the real water is in the glass
you hold"
Truth for once: Giles-I'm glad let
that fellow have the small loan. He
seemed overwhelmed with gratitude,
and said he could never rerav me.
Merritt-That was strange. He told
you the truth.
LADY of the house-Now, don't you
think you could saw little wood for
me? Tramp (who has Just dined)-
No, mum: saving that there steak YOU
just gave me is all the saving [ want
to do for one day.
Ok the Eiffcl Tower: Mother and
the girls tecstatically): My, isn't it
high. Pepper Tin gloom that reaches
to the base of the tower): Well. what
Of it? Have you seen anything in
Paris this summer that wasn't high?
Mrs. BRINK-NIrs. Klink! Mrs.
Klinl! Your little boy is in our yard
stoning our chickens Mrs. klink-
Horrors. He'll get his feet wet in your
big, ugly, damp grass. I don't see why
you can't keep your lawn moved, Mrs.
Brink.
ADA-Wcre You not afraid during
i that thunder and lightning storm?
Else-No; | was with Mike. who was
| lately discharged from the Third Ave
nue. railroad, and you know that The
electric fluid never strikes non-con
ductor.
THIN AND NOW.
| He was n man of some account
| Ard well among his n"i .hbors stood
| For any reasonable amount
His name was good.
| He took to drink. and sCou his
| Assumed IL tilt as red as blood,
And now rs far rs credit goes,
His naInc is Delnis.
-TOStOp courier.
"STEwARD," he said fccbIv, IN the
small hours of the stormy night, trying
| to turn over in his berth Steward,
what's that?" "The sailor on deck,
sir. Eyes, but what did he say
! Just now" All we'll, sir" My,
what liar" And then he turned Owe,
and moaned NAL de mcr moan.
CoNDucroR--Tha hoy can't be less
than five years old. ! shall have TIC
charge YOU half fare for him. Mr.. Skin
flint Enormously looking at his watch /:
No, YOU won't It's now o'clock. That
boy won't he five years old till exactly
$50, and We expect to get off this train
at exactly 7.2S. If You charge me any
| thing for that boy / II report Nou.