Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1890-03-28
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
From Grave to Gay in Western Editorial
Life
Detroit Free Press.


We extract the following from the last
issue of the Arizona Kicker, which was
only = half sheet and which seemed to
have oeen printed Oh a cheeSe-press:
EEPLANATORY-We owe our readers an
apology for the shape and appearance of
the Kicker this week. and shall proceed to
give it. Last Sunday we went over to
Silver Bend to see the boys and rake in a
few subscriptions. Our office was left in
charge of a chap just from the east who
claimed to be George Alfred Townsend.
As we had never met George we did not
feel like calling the stranger a liar.
We intended to return Tuesday morning.
bat IN this country man proposes and
mules and other things buck against him.
The internal, l0p-eared, stitf-legged, pig
headed, hmp-spavined beast which ne rode
a hit counterpart of our contemporary
down the street threw us nine times in
gong thirteen miles, and we arrived on
the Bend badly used up. We hadn't vet
raked In dollar when Lew Smith. pug
ugly whom we assisted to run out of our
town four weeks ago sounded his war-cry
and began to encourage the Benders to
hang us. Most of 'em were on a drunk
that day, and the proposition at once found
favor.
Under the pretense that we. as editor
publisher, proprietor and city editor of
the greatest weekly in the west which runs
as an annex, but under the same roof. a
grocery, butcher shop. feed store, shoe store,
hardware and cutlery, had been seeking
to break down the social barriers of the
mighty west, they hunted up a rope and
selected a tree. We appealed, but it only
added to their desire We tried to argue,
but they wouldn't have it. Our editorial
person was laid hold of and hustled along
to rope dangling from a limb, and as we
looked over the crowd and failed TO catch
a sympathetic eve we felt that our time
had come.
The boys were white about one thing.
Drunk as they were. they had sense enough
to realize that great editor could not
wind up his earthly affairs in a satisfac-
tory manner under fifteen minutes, and on
motion of a half-breed who once succeed
ed in borrowing half dollar of us, the
time was increased to twenty We wanted
to argue the case, but it was no go. We
started In on a speech, but they whooped
us down. By the time that we got down
to business five of our twenty minutes had
fed.
During our editorial career we have as
sisted at several amateur executions. We
had always supposed that if the crowd
were satisfied the victim was bound to be-
1t never seemed much of an effort for him
to let go of earthl matters, and we have
sometimes wondered why more of them
didn't come forward and ask to be pulled
up to a limb. Our ideas underwent
great change as we sat on a meat-box under
a dangling rope, while the minutes hur-
rIed away like JackaSs rabbit taking the
lead of a prairie fire on a windy day. Any
man who believes he can do business un-
der such circumstances is mistaken. He
feels restless and unsettled, and his mind
seems to be distributed over acres of space
It was only after we had lost twelve
minutes of our time fOOling around that
we started in on our last will and testa-
ment and we hadn t written three lines
Of that before we suddenly recollected that
we were without a blood relative on earth.
A: to leaving the Kicker and its annex to
any salOOt in town WAS not to be thought
of, and we finally made out bill of sale
to that individual known as William of the
HILL who had several times appeared in
our town and attempted to run the city
government with broncho and two re-
volvers. We didn't expect him to main
sdlu It's HlSu llItIdlF sJdiudIu anu great
moral excellence, but we knew he d kill
the postmaster and make sieve of our
contemporary the first week of his editorial
career.
When time was up the moose was placed
over our heads and tightened under our
chin, and it admOnished us to observe the
apparent enjoyment of the crowd. They
seemed to feel in as good spirits as an
army horse turned out to buffalo grass.
ard their impatience to make pendulum
Il our body was another queer feature of
the convention. We had Just been drawn
off our feet. and our editorial ideas were
becoming rapidly mixed. when a lot of
passing cOw-drivers happened along and
broke up the candy pull on the ground
that they were waiting to hang US the first
time we came up there. We wete saved
to be hanged at PLgnix-if we ever show
up there.
We are just able to crawl around. We
have chilIs. sore throat, pains in the back,
headache and a general feeling that we
don't care a copper which party elects the
next president. We apologize for the ap-
pearance of things this wreck, and promise
not to be lynched again if in our power to
avoid it.