The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1890-11-18
DIPLOMATIC MACHINERY.
The Delicacies and Intricacies of an
International Exchange and Civil

The Delicacies and Intricacies of an
International Exchange and Civil
tiles.
(From the Ohio State JoUr1al.)
We appropriate the following
from private letter from General
Comfy, formerly American Minister
Resident at Hawaii:
Do you know what it is to the
Minister to have q man-of-war visit
his port? First, the Admiral sends
his staff-officer to report his arrival.
Then they take drink. Then the
Minister runs up his flag, and sends
:. dispatch to the Minister OF For
eign Affairs, notifying His Majesty 5
government that the Admiral has
arrived, and desires to salute the
FLAG. Then His Excellency replies,
and sets the time when the Admiral
may shoot, and His Majesty's big
guns will be all loaded ready to
reply, gun for gun. Then the bonn
bardment takes place. Then the
Admiral calls on the Minister, with
his staff and all their good clothes.
Then they all drink. Then the
Minister goes aboard the man Of
war in his good clothes and the
Admiral's yawl. Then they all
drink. When he leaves the vessel,
after being presented arms to, all
kinds of bother, he only gets about
thirty yards away when his ears
are torn and his head burst by the
big guns of the vessel firing 4
fifteen-gun salute. The marines
have their oars peaked and their
eyes on the Minister, and he is eX-
pected to take off his hat and give
horribly a CHASTITY smile, rs if he
really enjoyed the honor OF having
his head burst in this way. Then
the Admiral comes ashore with his
staff, and the Minister takes him
to call upon His Majesty's govern
ment. We go first to the Minister
Of Foreign Affairs, who tells Us
when we may have an audience at
the palace, to present the Admiral
and other officers to His Majesty.
Then we visit the other Ministers,
the Governor Of Oahu, the Justices
of the Supreme Court and the Mar
shall Of the Kingdom, then we take
drink. Then the Admiral invites
the Ministers to lunch, and they
take q drink. Next day or so the
Minister takes the whole party to
the palace, and they are presented
in due form to His Majesty. The
Admiral reads a little speech, in
which he tells His Majesty how
glad we are to see him, and His
Majesty reads 4 little speech in
which he replies how glad be is to
see US. Then we talk Il while with
all the grandees, and after backing
out Of the presence sign our names
IN = little book, and the Admiral
hurries on board the vessel to get
his kidneys relieved from the pres
sure Of his sword-belt as soon rs
possible. Meantime all the other
exceIIencles, representing every
other country under Heaven, have
been sending notes to the Minister,
begging him to name the happy
day when it will please the Ad-
mlral to send q boat for them to
come aboard, and have q salute
fired for them. Then one Of the
commissioners gets mad because he
did not get as many guns as he
thought he ought to have had, and
the Minister has three months cor
respondence on his hands before
that is settled. You think it is all
over now? The trouble is only
about to begin. There are din
ners, lunch parties, dances, sere-
nades, visits to be paid, and the
devil to pay if the foreign represen-
tatives do not receive their return
call before the week is outs. F.
A lta.