The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-08-14
WIT AND HUMOR.
xR poRrER,s LITTLE LIST.

which do you favor-the Players or Leasusf
How will you vote next year?
What do you take for q jumping toOfbache!
What do you pay for beerf
How do you live on a thousand a YEAR,
What do you think of our mayor
How old will you be in the year SO?
Do you wear yoar own natural hair?
How many teeth have you got in your head?
When do you pare your nails?
What's your chest-measure when boxing for
iieasure?
Do you attend bargain sales?
What do you pay for the red on your cheeks?
What do you pay for q shine?
Do you take mustard along with your Gus
Do You fish with net or a liner
What do you say when you call lon on your grill
Come Of, or I'll boller-hey! lego my collar.
N. Y. Evening Sun.
A game law-'.Three of a kind beat
Two pairs. - Washington Post.
Those who get through the world by
making the worst of it work hard for
poor pay.-St. Louis Trader.
Man was made to mourn, but he has
fixed things SO that his wife has taken
the Job off his hands. -BtnghdnatOn
Ledder.
Have you a good cook?" "She's
very good-goes to church four times
a week. She can't cook, though. y
Baltimore Herald.
The mans brute He threatened
to put head on me-" land you let
the opportunity slip? You foolish
bOy"-N y Suu
Wibble-'' How hard it is for poor
man to be honest" Wabble-"Maybe De;
but it's no job at all for an honest man
to be poor."-Ierre Haute Express.
I've are going to have picnic,r
said Mamie to her brother, $50 am
L. said he. '.How?" BY staying at
home from your picnic, Washington
Post.
Clara" said he, Clara" Thorn
as" she whispered. II do love you;
but aren't you little mistaken? This
is Friday night, and l am Sarah. y
Harper's Bazar.
1t is all up with the baby when he
takes notion to cry at midnight.
Perhaps it is necessary to state that it
refers to the household in general
Yerre Haate Express.
The time passed very pleasantly in
the parlor and it was not till the clock
and the neighboring bells struck one
that the lateness of the hour struck two.
Philadelphia Times.
Western Man-'Now, candidlv, sir,
what kind of country is New En-
gland?" Boston Man ienthusiastical-
ly)-"It's Gods own country, but
(sadly) the devils own climate
Weeks-"A town out West has dis
covered a brand-new wrinkle in the
faith philosophy" Simpson - "In-
deed!" Weeks-"Yes; they're curing
hams by prayer!"-Americam Grocer.
Wife-"John Jones. you're foolr'
Husband-''Y didn't seem to think
30 when l was single" Wife-"No,
you never showed what big fool you
were until You married me. "-Epoch.
That's the porcupine, isn't itp
What an ugly-looking creature" Yes.
1t isn't what YOU would call an attract
i've animal. Still it has great many
fine points about it," = Chicago Tri-
hume.
This egg, madam" said the pro-
fesSor. with asperity, '.is not fresh"
Sir" said the landlady. graciously,
lit was laid just one week after you
made your last payment. "-Harper's
Bdzar.
Get under that BALL" yelled the
captain, rs the batter knocked a high
iy to center field. '.All rightr' replied
The fielder. running forward and then
stopping, Il understand" -HarUard
LdmpOOn.
Husband-''Yeu say 1 passed you
IN the street without speakingT
Wife - Yes" Husband-"I assure
you didn't see YOU" Wife-'I sup
pose not; l am not somebody else's
wife. Light.
Charlie-"What an intelligent dog
Wildfire is, Miss De Witt. l actually
believe he knows as much as / do"
Miss DeWitt-"Yes. indeed; l wouldn't
wonder if he knew more than that Mr..
Featherbrane. "--Bostonian.
A man's capacity for endurance in
some respects change after marriage.
The lover that never grumbled at hold
ing l3O-pound girl for hours grum-
bles if he has to hold a ten-pound baby
two minutes. -Phitadelphia Times.
Young Peduncle Crying to be agree
able)-'So you've resigned. have you?
You are not the President of the
Shakerag Literary Circle any longer,
but just plain Miss Kajones" Miss
kajones. Chicago Tribune.
Maria, you will please start the
him." called out the parson from the
stairway at IL p. M. and young
Doodely, who had accompanied the
parsons daughter home from church,
took the hint and left.-N. Y. Herald.
Mudge-'I was robbed of my good
name this morning" Yabsley-"Who
did it?" Mudge-''rhe census taker,
of course" Yabsley-.'Well. he will
get two cents on it, and that is more
than You could do."-Ierre Hdute En-
prssS.
20, dear" said the lump of dough,
81 declare to goodness if | amt most
worked to deathm Yes: l see YOU
were kneaded." replied the oven; but
come rest in my ardent embrace and
SOo Cdu IOd1 -ltfCUUkOytI
Recorder.
Deacon Goodenough-''What do you
think of our new pastor?" Tribula-
ton Jones-'1 helped him take down
his stove yesterday. and he never used
single cuss-word" Deacon Good
enough-.Let's try him with foun-
tain pen.
Crowd Tin elevator) - How soon
does this elevator go up. boy?" Ele-
vator Boy (reading )-"Jes' as soon as
find out if the gal who leaped from
the cliff was caught by her Teller. who
stood on the rocks one thousand feet
below. "-Hdrper's Weekly.
Jarrett-"Peterson is absolutely the
meanest man L ever met! Do YOU
know what that fellow did when he
was married?" Garrett-"What? De-
clined to fee the Minister" Jarrett
Fee the minister! Why, sir, the
ushers took up a collection at the we'd