Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1890-07-09

freShman-I think he was freshman.
Anyway, he asked me the price of every
thing i wore, but did not know that
Henry NJ. Stanley was the first man to
put salt ON the tail of the equator and
forcibly rescue Emin Bey.
"We had cracked wheat with con-
densed milk, pap, pemmican, fried mush,
hot house apples-dried in hot house,
l mean-kippered herring, skippered
cheese, lemon squash. pie plant pie,
prune sauce with umbrella sap, slum-
gullion and speeches.
'.At late hour I went home, and TAX
ing large goblet of smoke tanned Irish
whisky got my valet to kick me into
comatose condition and dropped into a
troubled sleep.
81 had to respond to toast also. l
said: Mr. President and gentlemen, l
am honored by being the repository of
your crude victuals tonight, and am
now asked to make bright speech as a
partial recompense therefor did not
wish to come, as l told your honorable
body, for both her royal symmetry and
myself We're fatigued, having visited the
Jail and other thriving industries of the
place. We had addressed the primary
schools and seen your growing brick
yard, spent an hour at your great CEN
trail hello office, visited your principal
job printing establishments and spent a
few hours at the round house. So we
were exhausted. and really needed rest
more than we did to mix in the great
vortex of society.
We came to this country for rest
mostly, and not to be fawned over and
fed, or to sit up late of nights and eat
caraway seed cookies on an empty stom-
ach. OF course society has its claims on
us and we viii not ignore them; but l
am not a copious speaker, and fear now
that after these few little remarks that
l still owe you something, although did
not eat any prunes and my cracked
wheat is just as good as ever it was.
:" In closing, however, let me say that
/ have cigar with me, so that you will
not be out on that, and rather than ex-
tend my remarks any further l will
leave my cheese also. The duchess has
not touched her pap, and so if you will
call 1t square | will now close
The duke then took the arm of his
high bred consort and moseyed out of
the room, to use his own words. ''Of
course" says he, Il ought not to expect
too much of the provincial people one
| finds both in Canada and the United
States, but if one is going to entertain
one should have some crude ideas about
entertainment, at least they should be
cordial, even if they have nothing but
| macadamized pie and soft shell dough
nuts.
Il do not go in for good victuals alone,
for l can rough it very well, but the host
/ hate is the one, don't you know, that
| asks me to his house because l am a
duke. Such host has no more idea of
hospitality than Congo debutante has
Of Delsarte. / don't mind little that is
| crude, very crude in fact, if it is a well
come, but if it's just hippodrome, with
duke in the middle and ginger ale on the
side, / ask to be excused.
'There are too many such folks, not
only in the western hemisphere, but in
England also. Look at the way Stanley
is paying for his provender. He already
wishes he was back in the deepest jungle
of Africa, with jug Of spoopju and the
silence of the forest. He says that AZ
rica is at times socially dull, but he don't
hsve TO sit up like spitz dog and speak
before he can get his cookie. He says
that some of the receptions on the Dark
Continent are extremely informal, and
that few bonmots addressed to the
principal wives of the host, a compli-
f.f
Of her surcingle, then good-by at the
door to the daughter as he pulls with her
the wishbone of a missionary, then out
into the tropical night, and the exercises
are over.
at seems odd to him, 1 judge, to re-
turn and be made much of by great
many people who desire only TO get to
the front, as you say, by barking be-
tween his roars. Meantime Hanks
victuals don't agree with him, and it
keeps him all het up trying to think of
new pieces to speak. The papers print
what he says, and other explorers keep a
scrap book and compare notes, and real
ly there's nothing In it, don't you know.
people with titles and people of prom
inence are often good at heart, but silly
and selfish people, with oily words and
each his little ak to grind, have ground
and bore on and rode on these folks till
they go about concealing their real SEN
timents from all but their wives, and
wishing they could get among a troupe
of well fed cannibals for few months
just for change"
The duke was greaSy pleased with
the general growth of America, and
spoke especially of New York, Boston,
Philadelphia, Chicago and San Francis
co, of which cities he seemed to have
quite a general idea.
''New York" said he, "has arrived at
that very advanced stage of develop
ment when she criticises herself so Sc
verely that she doesn't leave anything
else for her enemies to say. She Is SUI
perior city with an inferior government.
The bare mention of politics makes her
best citissns fairly gag, and the men who
write the best articles ON the importance
Of wise ballot themselves forget to
vote. New York is full of hogs who will
partially disappear, with more room on
the streets and better and more rapid
transit
"Boston Is unruff1ed, quite English,
eats good victuals, takes plenty of time
to do it, drinks good rum-first buying
biscuit to eat with it, don't you know,
and afterward turning it in and getting
credit for it on the drink, SO that an
other man can use it later on. Boston
is good place to live in, and an English
man does not feel quite SO put about and
hustled and knocked down and dragged
out, you see, as he does in New York
philadelphia is like the gentle odor of
tansy and din on quiet Sabbath morn
ing. She is SO demure, and SO touchful