The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1890-08-14
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A boy never so thoroughly realizes
that quarreling is sinful as when he is
getting licked in fight.
The only popular adviser is the one
who gives counsel that fits our inclina-
lions. Journal.
-Elsie-"Did you know papa we'll be-
fore you married him, mamma?''
Mother (sadly)-"No, dear, I didn't
Harvard Lampoon.
-"ls your husband in, madam?'' mo:
be was just here minute ago arguing
with mo. You'll find him probably
down at the doctors. ''-Epoch.
$50 Chollie' has gone abroad"
Eyes" "Who sent him that beautiful
bunch Of forget-me-nots?' ''His tailor"
IN. Y. Sun.
--Lena-''I had a dreadfully dull time
with Mr.. Sillyman last evening"" En-
ma-''Did you have to do all the talking?"
mo, had to listen to him" -Detroit
Free Press.
-''Why Means the Sea To-Night?''
asks poet in several stanzas. It may
be that he read his poem aloud by the
seaside. -Norristown Herald.
MIR. Staid -"And is Miss Giggle-
gaggle we'll educated?" Mrs. McFad-
Educated? should say so. Why, the
ribbons on her graduating dress alone
cost over boston Transcript.
Mr.. R. Ito wife)-''You're mistaken,
my dear, in thinking that our young
Dominic is college-bred man Idrew
him into a conversation yesterday about
football, and he don't know an -iota
about it."
Mrs. Jones-"Why are you so anx-
ious about the arrival of the steamer
from Europe, Phyllis, dear?" Phyllis
%, nothing much; only papa ordered a
count from Germany for me, and it's
about time he was here. "-Siftings.
First Mail Clerk-''Throw that
package on the floor, Pete, and jump
on it." Second Mail Clerk ''Why,
wot's der matter?" First Mail Clerk
''Some fool man has marked it with
great care, please. Light.
-Merrill-"1'm going. to be married
next week. It's a big risk to take, isn't
it?" Scott-''Yes, it's a lottery; but,
after all, you're better of than the girl
you're going to marry. You have a
chance OF drawing prize. "--Munsey's
Weekly.
Country Editor (out West -'Tbis
has been lucky day for me-" Faith
full Wife-'Has some one been in to paw
a subscriptions" Editor--"Well no, it
wasn't as lucky as that; but 1 was shot
at and missed. IN. Y. Witness.
Permit me, madam, to present you
with this" 20, sir, but l really can
not accept any thing of value from you"
pardon me, but it is only a volume of
my poems" ''Oh! I can accept it with
out Observation-Disclosures Times.
-Sleeker-"Yes, sir, always kept a
diary. And there never was an entry
In that diary which would have been
ashamed that my mother or my sister
should see." Ruffun-''Same here. I
used to put down candy for cigars and
sundries' for drinkables.' "-Boston
Transcript.
"A writer upon queerly directed let-
tiers received It, the post-offlces of the
country, says that some amusing results
arise from Italians here learning few
words OF English, and placing them at
the end OF letter. The unsuspecting
friend copies them. with results like the
following: GOOD Ry. Farewell. veR
get me not Nord America" '
Mrs. De Lace-''This paper says
that every pound Of ivory in market
represents human life." Mr.. Dc L.
"Thst's almost a. bad IS the whalebone
Industry" Mrs. De LIS whale fish
Ing 80 very dangerous7'' Mr.. Do L.
mo, that is safe enough. but think OF
the women the whslebones kill IN.
z. Weekly.