Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1890-01-10
CLEARLY OUTCLASsED.
Making Award in the Dark Regions
to the Greatest Enemy Of Horses.
Chicago Tribune.


Weird, unearthly shapes, as if moved
by some resistless impulse to congre-
gate at a common center, hurried
through the sulphuous air that over
hung the bottomless pits and fiery
lakes OF the Region of Darkness.
Wan, cadaverous, uneasy specters,
new to the dread mysteries OF Inferno,
side by side with the tough and har-
dened Oldest Inhabitants, whizzed
horribly along, and the grimy walls of
Pandemonium echoed presently to the
discordant murmuring and snarling of
one of the largest throngs that had
.nvar sathernd there
"I have called you together, my
countrymen," said the presiding Off
Ger of the internal regions, for the
purpose of deciding disputed point.
A contest has arisen, he continued in
voice that pierced the remotest cav
ern within the vast inclosure, Gas to
which of my faithful subjects can
claim the honor of having inflicted
the most torture on horses during his
earthly existence. The contestants
will now have an opportunity to be
heard"
al was country blacksmith for
fifty-three years." called out one of
the claimants as he mounted the plat
form and looked complacently about.
There was a murmur of applause,
and a general shaking of heads, ac-
companied by whispered observations
to the effect that his record would be
hard to beat.
An uncanny specter, with a coun-
tenance that would have broken the
strongest camera on the surface of the
earth, came to the platform next
Il was harness-maker," he said,
" I invented the stiff Bit"
1 made the first pair of spurs, ex-
claimed the next candidate as he ell
bowed the ex-harness maker off the
stage.
"Gammon" said another claimant,
l set the fashion OF cutting horse-tails
off"
"And made the first machine for
clipping them," announced another.
The presiding officer checked the
applause that followed, the assembly
having seemed to be on the point OF
bestowing the award on the last speak
er without further hearing.
A hard-looking resident mounted
the rostrum.
"My friends" he said, II made the
first check rein."
In vain the chairman attempted to
silence the cheering of the audience.
1t was only after some OF the noisiest
of the spirits near the door were
thrown out and the warning given
that the galleries would be cleared il
the offense were repeated that order
was restored.
Suddenly commanding voice rang
out:
81 invented the barb wire fence"
A deathlike stiffness prevailed the
cavernous place. With this convic.
ton that no contestant would have
the hardihood to dispute the claim ol
the last speaker the chairman hal
rose as if to announce that the con
troversy was at an end.
At this moment comparatively
mild-looking and unpretending shape
took its place on the platform and
looked timidly about.
"Speak out il you have anything
to say" said the presiding officer, al
most contemptuously.
IL was the first man that evil
paved the street of a city with gran
ite."
Amidst the widest and most tn
multuous applause that had eve
shaken the walls of Sheol's capita
the Prince of Darkness placed a crown
of laurel OH the head of the unpre
tending goblin, shook his hand warm
ly, and proclaimed the contest wa
over.