Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-08-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Scotch soldiers bear arms, and legs,
too.
"After you, sir" as the sheriff said to
the defaulter. PUCK.
"Well, you have nerve!" as \the man
said to his aching tooth.-Racket.
The bright side of the convict question
/ The "outside. ."-Prison Mirror.
Goes without saying-The young man
too bashful to pop the question.-7eras
Siftings.
Briggs-"Say, old man, what are you
doing for that cold9" Griggs-"Cough-
ing."-LJs.
When a man goes to live in the top Of
six-story fat it is all up with him.
Binqhamton Republican.
Giles-"What did Terwilliger say
about the twins2" Merritt-"Said it
was one too many for him. Life.
"Why does she sing with her mouth
closed?" 'Shc has falsetto voice, and
is afraid it will drop out. Chatter.
"Who would not be boya" demands
the poet Well, the girl with new en-
gagement ring wouldn't, for one.-LiJs.
Edith-"It's the little things that tell
in this life." Alice-"Well, you'd think
so, if you had two small brothers, as I
have"
He-"This horse puts me in mind of
Lord Nelson" She-''Why" "He-
'Because he wouldrath die than run"
Yale Record.
"Speech was given man to conceal his
| thoughts" What he needs most, how
ever, Is some exre'lient for concealing
lack of thoughts. la sasey's.
Mother--.sNow, s hnuie, you must
cut the apple in halves, and give the
larger half to your little sister" John
nie--sLet her tut it. y Chatter.
"We'n soon take the starch out of
you," said the warden to the refractory
prisoner" "You viii, will Youa" ''Yes;
wen iron you. Boston Courier.
"Oh, dear!" cried Miss Passee. "Here
they've gone and cut the day down to
eight hours. Why, I'll be hundred be-
fore I'm forty. Times Democrat.
Miss Beacon-'This waltz is divine!
Do you ever dance the lanciers, doctora"
DR.. Boylston-'No, but / sometimes
lance the dancers. .'-Bostoa Budget.
| There is really no tangible objection
to violently plaid trousers except that
they keep one constantly wondering
whose move it is Washington Post.
Man wants but little here below,
For years we've heard the poets sing;
Rt,t frOr, raiu nrOSa of life know
He wants little of everything.
Puck.
''I've changed my mind since I saw
you last" said Galley. 81 hope the
new one is better than the last" put in
Cynicus, and Galley got mad.-Mw
York Herald.
Mr.. McAllister-"Would you believe
it9 l have had that idea in my head for
six months" Mrs. Berry-"What dull
time it must have had there all by it.
sell. y Chatter.
.Ice is too expensive, Mary. You
must get along without it." ''But how
am / to keep the beef fresh and the
butter and milk cool2" "You have
fan, haven't you9"-Ne,o York Sun.
"Let me never hear of your disobeying
, me again." said his father as he laid the
hair-brush aside. 'I w-won't," sobbed
Tommy, 'if / can help it. I-I-didn't
t-tell you t-this time. ."-Harpcr's Bdsdr.
One of the funniest things about
children is the way when they have hurt
themselves, they start and run all over
the house until they find somebody to
hear them cry.-Burlington Free Press.
my true love hath my heart, and have
his"-
So sangsir Hhilip in the old time verse;
But in these days the pleasant version is:
my true love hath my heart: have
her purse"
-M,nseys.
"Let me see! Was it not Emerson who
said, Hitch your wagon to start"
"Yes, I believe so." 'sWhat beautiful
thoughtl" "Yes, and how much cheaper
it would be than keeping horse."-
Lo,oeU Citizen.
Professor-''Mr Chumpy, I am
ANXIOUS for your fathers sake to break
the long list of demerit marks you have
won here. Do you think you will even
learn anythinga" 'No SIR" "Mark
Mr.. Chumpy as having correctly answered
al Tue QuestlOns put W iilin enio ieSsou'
--PhiladeIphia Times.
sI will be a sister to you," she said.
"No," he replied sadly; "I've got one
sister who wears my neckties, borrows
car-fare, lose my hair brush, puts tidies
ell over the furniture in my room, and
expects me to take her to the theatre
twice week. think I'll go out into
the world and forget you."- Washington
Post.