davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
The Brass Mule Cure.

A traveller. recently returned from Pc
kin, tells Is that he saw method Of cure
which may be new 10 some Of our read
ers- IN temple outside the city gates is
to be found brass mule oflife size, sup
posed to have wonderful healing proper
ties. Patients suffering from every imag-
Unable disease seek this temple 70 obtain
a cure- The method pursued IS as fol-
lows
SuppOsing vou suffer with sciatica, yOu
20 with al speed to this famous temple,
and, having discovered the particular
part Of the brass mule corresponding to
the painful region OF your own body,
you must rub the animal certain num-
Der Of times aud then win the same
hand shampoo vour own disabled raem-
Der, and then-gell then the pain
goes.
The special feature Of this method Of
cure IS is delightful simplicity. Is your
tooth aching Just scrub the mules
teeth and afterwards your own, and vol
"a. the cure Is complete. Have you an
ulcer Of the cornea2 Pass the tips Of
your fingers 70 and fro over the particg-
lar eyeoall Of the m1ie, and then with
vel regulated pressure rub repeatedly
the afflicted eye. The mule has unhap-
PLY lost bis sight dGring the many years
he has been engaged in his benevolent
work, the eyeballs. We are told, having
been gra9ul.ly worn away, as the result
Of constant friction, until now you
have only the empty orbits to operate
upon.
The animal Is patched in all directions
with fresh pieces Of brass put on TO cover
holes pr0dneea by the. constant friction
Of eager patients, and a new. perfectly
whole mule, stands ready at hand await
ing the day when his Old colleague. hav-
ing fallen to pieces in the service. shall
give Lim an opportunity Of likewise ben
efitsing posterity.-Nortl Ciala Ms,fseaI
JolgnaL
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
Atchison Again.

There never was a new baby that
wasn't pretty. Newspapers are apt to
saw they are handsome if the father
brings in good cigars, but they are not.
The world IS progressing Women
now meet and demand their rights. \
hundred years ago men whipped their
wives for such presumption.
When 4 girl IS little and bashful her
mother makes her play with the boys,
and she don't want to, bat when she is
large and wants to play with the boys
her mother don't want her TO.
A weiI-dressed woman never seems TO
have too much on
There Is a woman in Atchison so prim-
tive that when she cuts her little boy a
pair of pants she lays him fat on the
cloth and ehAlks the size and shape
around him
There is nothing Kansas woman likes
better than mean man who is willing
to be reformed.
A man is more apt to be what his enc
mics say he Is than what he himself says
be is.
When a man prsys for punishment for
his sins, it is evident that he Is hypo-
crite.
All children hate q model child
1t i 80 much easier to forgive big
man than a little one.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
An Efficient clergyman.

Senator THrpIe IS somewhat absent
minded, and 1t Is said that in ls14-75.
when he WAS Speaker ofthe loser branch
Of the Indiana Legislature. he would do
some queer things. Whenever a roll-caii
was ordered, be would pound on ais desk
until everything was quiet. Then, in
rather moderate tone Of voice, lie would
say
The roll will be called. Those voting
in the Affirmative will, when their
names are called, say aye those in
the negative, no.
Then quick as a flash he would turn 20
the reading clerk, and in a loud, sbrill
voice, would say
" Call r.
The first time be did this the reading
clerk came near jumping out Of his skin.
The vafious preachers in Indianapolis
were from time to time asked 10 offer
prayer in the House, and sometimes
ministers from other parts Of the state
who happened to be in town were in
vited to invoke the Divine blessing upon
the Hoosier lawmakers. One morning
Speaker Turpie raped on the desk. and
said
@The House viii De in order. Prayer
viii be offered bv Rev 3lr smith, Of
Vincennes-7
Then, Just as the reverend gentleman
bowed his head TO begin prayer, he vas
startled by hearing the Speaker COM
mand him in a loud voice
pr,~- -
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
Bread from Wood.

Science has already enabled man to ex-
tract fiery beverages and many other
things Of more or less value from wood,
and it is nov proposed to 20 a step furth-
er and produce bread from wood Inan
address recently delivered in Heidelberg,
Germany, by no less eminent an author
than Victor Meyer, It was announced
that we may reasonably hope that
chemistry viii teach US to make the fibre
of wood the source Of human food. I"
What an enormous stock of food then,
would be found, if this becomes possible,
in the wood of our forest, or even in grass
and straw. The 6bre Of wood consists
essentially of eelIulin- Can this be made
into starch Starch has essentially the
same percentage composition, but it
differs very much in its properties, and
the nature Of its molecule is probably
much more complex Ceilulin is Of little
or no dietetic value, and il is not altered.
ike starch, in boiling water. 1t really
gives glucose when treated With strong
sulphuric acid, as is easily shown when
cottonwood, which is practically pure
celluIin, is merely immersed in it. StIreh
gives the same product when boiled with
weak acid The author further quotes
the researches Of Hellriegel, which 90 to
show 'beyend dispute that certain plants
transform atmospheric nitrogen into al
bumen, and that this process can be I'M
prove BY suitable treatment. The pro
duction, therefore. Of starch from cellulin
together with the enforced increase Of
slbumen in plants would, he adds, in
reality signify the abolition of the bread
questionable Milling Record.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
He Commanded.

George Williams, who used to be the
West Town assessor, Is qnartSlnaster q
the second regiment. He was appointed
while he was in Office. and be marie n
very handsome figure when he first don
ned his full dress uniform. one day
there came an order for parade Must
| turn out - Williams asked Of Colonel
Wheeler, who was then in command.
. Yes" said the Colonel And must
90 on horseback % was the next ques-
ton Certainly replied the Colonel.
Williams wanted to obey orders, but he
felt some misgivings- have never
been on a horse be said. The colonel
told him that It was not too late to learn
to ride, and he started of % secure his
steed, After the parade the colonel ask
ed QuarterTDaster Williams how he had
progressed. All right, was the reply.
q But I'll tell you on the quiet how it was
although with the confidence 1 have ac-
quired think could ride any sort Of a
horse. The truth Is that I got street
car horse. inside Of my coat put a
bell l could not draw my sword while
in motion. 50 when | was Obliged to 10
It | reached in and rang my bell once
The horse paused, and dreT my sword.
Then rang the bell twice, and he wsat
ahead again Chicago Hgrald
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
The First Repeating Rife.

An Atlanta veteran was talking the
other day about his first experience with
a repeating rifle.
4 was out on the picket line, he tells
it, and a lot Of Yankees kept shooting
at Us from the shelter Of a pine ihicket.
Finally We made break to the thIcket
and then We had it. Every fellow would
pick out his man and then load and
shoot, taking advantage Of the shelter Of
the trees
My Yankee got the first shot, and
missed me. As was only seventy-five
or one hundred yards away [ thought
would reach him before he could load
again, 50 made dash Tor him. He step
ped out from the tree and aimed, but
thought he was just trying TO bluE, 50
l didn't stop till he pulled down on me-
My Lord - I thought, that's the first
rife ever saw with two barrels ~ Just
halted, but thought surely his gun must
be empty now, so I started for him again
Well, sir, he just stood there and bang
bang bang bang ike milking a COW I
jumped for a tree mighty quick, I can
tell you. heard him Just hollering
behind the tree. Il tickled him might
ily l didn't know what to make Of IT,
put my cap out from behind the tree.
and he bang banged down on it. It
scared me- didn't know how long the
thing would hold Cus. Presently I
thought ! saw him bending over His
head vas protected, bat his back was
showing. took good aim. The ball
passed through the feshy part Of the
thigh, and as he hollered I made for
him. He dropped his gun and started
to run, but he stopped and went hack
with me. I carried that old gun Of his
back and It was a great curiosity to the
boys. They never did believe that
could shoot 81 xteen times, and couldn't
prove il, because he lad only one load
left and we couldn't get any ammunition
to fit the gun, 50 we broke it NJ TO keep
the Yankee from getting hold Of It
sgain--4daHfa Constitution.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09

I never write or speak to a woman bat
my mind wanders of To one nsodei-the
ags-s one Tho tsenty-fouEyears ago We
put away for the resurrection
About eighty years ago. sn,f Just before
their marriage day. my father and mother
stooi up in the obj meeting house At
Somerville, y J.. and took upon them
the vows of the Christian. Through
long life Of vicissitude my mother lived
harniessly and usefaily. and came to her
end in peace. No child Of Eant ever
came 70 her door and was turned away
empty. No one in sorrsw came to her
bet was comforted- No one asked Der
the way TO BE- saved bat she pointed him
10 the cross When the angel Of life
came to a neighbor's dwelling she vas
there to rejoice az the starting Of another
immortal spirit. When the angel Of
death came to that dwelling she was
there 70 robe the departed for the burial
We had often heard her, when leading
family prayers in the absence Of my
father, say 20, Lord, ask not for ny
children wealth OF honor. bGr DO ask
that they may all he the subjects Of Thy
comforting grace Her eleven children
brought into the Kingdom Of God, she
had bus one more wish, and thar vas
that she might see her IOug-absens mis-
sionary son, and when the ship from
China anchored in New York harbor,
and the lOng-abseut one passed over the
threshold Of his paternal home she said
Vow, Lord, Ietfest Thou Thy servant
depart in peare. for my eyes have seen
Thy salvation"
Tne prayer was soon answered.
Il was an aufumual day when We gath
cred from afar. and found only the house
from which the soul had fed forever.
She looked very natural, the hands very
much as when they were employed in
kindness for the children. Whatever
else We forgot. We never forgot the look
Of mothers hands II was a cioudless
day when, with heavy hearts. We carried
her out TO her last resting place The
witbered leaves crumbled under hoof
and wheel as We passed., and the sun
shone or the RaFitan river until il look
ed Ike fire but more calm and beauti-
ful and radiant was the setting sun Of
that aged pilgrims life. No more toll
no more tears, no more sickness, no more
death. Dear mother, Beautiful mother
sweet Is the siumber beueafn the sd.
While the pure spirit rests with God.
With such a mother as an example. j.
it strange that I should always have
cherished the most exalted estimate Of
woman and womankind 27-Ladig' Home
J,ifraal.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
The Cars Family.

The Impress # Rlssia has her daGgh-
tefs much with her, and has not even a
so-easled governess for them Her own
personal attendant and her lady OF hon
or serve also for them In part this
springs fr1m the Emperor's love for sim
plicity Of life, but in part. also. that they
try to surTound themselves with as few
people as possible. 80 that as Iittleas may
be conserving their private life should
transpire to the outer world. Of whom
they are, and not without good reason,
much afraid Tie empress superintends
in person the education Of the two little
grand d1ehesses. Xenie and Olga. aged
respectively fourteen and six The en-
peror in his leisure moments tries 70 do
the same for his boys Especially he
loves 70 give them muse and dancing
lessons, for be thinks himselfa q great mu-
siciau. and has prediction for the cor
META piston--Lsisirs Hers.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
Sherman on Henry Clay.

IN his "reminiscences OF life ia Wash
ingseu. Gen. Sherman recalled viyidlg
IA great trio Of American Statesmen,
CIay. Calhoun and Webster. He had
kea-i them all speak in the Senate Of
the United States, aud ne enthusiast
cally declared that Clay was unquestion-
ably the greatest orator to whom be had
listened. Webster was heavy and pom
derous, Calhoun was logical while pas
sionate, bat Clay WAS the orator genius
SCARED ike the eagle and was as incapa-
Of confinement
Il shah never forget the impression
that Nr. Clay made upon me ones when
1 heard him speak before the Senate !
was a young liegtenant and had Just re-
turned from California, where bad been
detailed. was one Of a crowd packed in
the gallery, and when he gave vent to a
splendid burst Of orztory We eould not
contain ourselves and cheered enthEsias-
ticalIy Mr. Fillmore was president Of
the Senate, and warned the gallery that
the repetition Of any such demonstration
woald result in the place being cleared
Nr. Clay was speaking on the possibility
Of secession, and we all kept quiet until
he said love Haintucky with all my
heart and all my soul, but If Kaintueky
were to secede woald sh0ldsr my old
musket and be among the first to put her
down, down, down Mr Fiimore's
warning was useless The gallery arose
and yelled and yelled with It. Then
We were all cleared out, to our infinite
disgust-
Mr. Clay was always admirable. His
oratoFy was indiscribabie. He seemed to
be inspired and spoke extemporaneously.
with no other prepsration than few or
hand notes that he had iotted down pre-
vioas TO taking the floor He would ex-
haust the subject suggested oy one Of
these brief memoranda. and then pass or
to another. His enunciation was clear
and distinct, but marvelously rapid Il
was impossible for the reporters to take
his speeches in those days, when steno-
graphy had not bee 50 perfected as now,
and that is the reason that his speeches
do not read as well as those Of Webster
But Of the two men Mr Clay was ineom-
parably the better speaker. In his last
years Of public service he stood between
the two fires Of the extreme North and
the extreme South, and there were little
men in the Senate always swapping and
snarling at his heels Sometimes they
dro-e him to bay. and then il was a tine
spectacle to see him turn on them and
demeIish them. He scattered them as
easily as a splendid stag sea-ters pack
ofcoyotes.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
Chauncey and Horace.
From the Sew York sun

Fr0m the New York sun
One Of the most interesting sights in
the social life o. New York is Chauncey
Depew and General Horace Porter at a
dinner party. These two veteran diners
out have been neighbors over the tables
Of prominent people for 80 many years
and have been friendly rivals ia post
prandial eloguence so long that their ex-
periences are in many cases almost iden-
tieal. It would be a wise man who could
figure up the number Of elaborate din
ners which the pair have eaten in com
pany. They have gotten into the habit
Of referring 70 each other in the most
amiable way in all Of their stories, and
Mr.. Depex seldom tells an aneed0te or
reels of a reminiscence which is not I'M
bued with such parenthetieal phrases a.
g. You remember that night, Horace
q Wasn't it 80, Horace >" Am I right,
Horace =" or some other reference %
General Porter General Porter always
replies to these queries and references
with an amiable and often smiling in
ciination ofthe head, and, when he rises
10 speak. he not unusually begins bis adj
dress by saying, Chauneey and ] were
dining OF making some other reference
TO the genial president Of the New York
Central road, whereupon Mr. Depew al
ways Eags his head IN sympathy. They
are the most harmonious speakers in the
world. Both have a soft, easy and con
versational style, and they are utterly
without orat0ricai sins OF course al the
big dinners the two mens more formal
IN their references, but asithe small and
particularly attractive banquets at which
they frequently figure they are as conf
dental and unlestrained as a couple OF
college chums at a class dinner.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
Puzzled the Bartender.

Ifthere is one thing that al Vail, the
well.known barkeeper, Is prouder ofthan
his good looks. It IS his knowledge ofalI
species Of mixed drinks, and his ability
in getting them up in style. A few days
ago a stranger wearing a tile. glass di-
amond and rosy headlight glow upon
his nose, stepped up 10 the bar, ard
said
Give me some fortunaies Ia Fran
cais. with dash Of bourgeoise a for
tiori7
~Eh ab. yes, replied AL VIII you
-ahem -you-,ake it bot, or have it
coldg"
~Cold9" queried the stranger. con-
tenptuously.
Who ever hearI Of the like2 Ifthat's
ali you know about the drink, I'll take
something else. FIX me up some cum
grano sails with bete noir on the out-
side"
Yves. sir, ,v said Vail, promptly. but
weakly an have il ready in a moment.
You want grain of-of-what. did you
say
IIw. bosh 1 said nothing about a
grain Of anything. Don, you know what
cum grano sails is? Let is 90. Give me
an ego sum homo. viii you. and be lively.
Pm in a hurry
III accommodate you in a jiFy, mur-
mUre,l Al. getting red IN the Eice-
Give me an esg Billy TO the under
bartender. Lets SEE An egg and one
hom-what in thunder did you want be-
sides the egg. stranger
Egg tie devil. I said ego sum homo,
and said it plainly. Great Heavep's
Where's the barkeeper Of this place
can't fool arouad with an ignorant ap-
prentice"
I-um-dou't seem % have heard Of
the drink you mention, stranger" said
Vail, sheepishIy, while his countenance
took on theaspect Of the setting sun. II
thought knew
Oh, no doubt you Thought you we're
ar expert, remarked the customer. sar-
easticaliy. Ho. no, no s'pose III have
70 take something plain il I deal with
you. reckon you know how 10 fix me
up honi sois IN little qui moly pence,
don't your
Oh, yes, and Al smiled in a sickly
fashion. Aside q" What the devil does
be mean by MoIly's pants pr Billy,
where's the bottle Of bourbon %
Bourbon? Why, man, there's no
whisky goes with thatdrink. Well, NAV
1 be carried away on a stretcher ifI-d a
believed THO. And in a metropolitan
saloon, too. Give me plaia ipse dixit,
viii you %
Friend moaned AZ, as he leaned
over the bar, while the per-piration roll
( II ofhis brow, can't do it. We've
got plenty Of ipsy, bat there amt a d-d
bit Of dixit in the house"
Say, could you fix me up a rara
avis
I can't tearfuIly confessed the en-
b2rrassed barkeeper, For l don't know
how
And you cali yourselfa a barkeePeT 2''
said the man with the glowing proboscis.
Well, I've gOs nothing 20 say Try to
learn- young man You may yet gain
some knowledge Of your business. Good
BY. good-by.7
L was not until few days afterward
that the crestfslien drinkmixer discover
ed that be had been the victim Of put
up job, and that he had been trying to
( I'll orders for a lot Of old French and
Latin phrases. Then he repaired TO the
alley in the rear Of the establishment,
and silently kicked his eorns against the
I curbstOne-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
In a sick-Room.

Nothing is gained, and much time that
is very valuble is wasted, by allowing
ourselves to become nervous and unable
to be of the slightest use in the sick
room, says writer in Good Hoslsskeeper.
Although we may consider a person too
i'll to be aware Of what is taking place
about them, they are oftentimes fully
cognizant Of the merest trifes. and al
ways more or less susceptible to any and
all things going on in the sick-roon- For
that reason conversation about the con-
dition OF the patient carried on in the
room in whispers, or in any mysterious
manner, should be avoided and an air Of
quiet cheerfulness always maintained
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
a FANCY.


Once, wandering DER untrodien feds
Far from the hustle Of the town.
Bound By the spell which fancy wieids,
1 climbed hill and. booking down.
Saw, "a the valley far beneath.
A darksome wood. where oak trees tall
Swzyed IN the south winds gentle breath.
Asts robbsng bosonas r;se aud 1in
But when 1 reached the vale. alas,
And on the very border stood.
A mighty hedge could not pass
Grew all about the tempting wood.
caught within the golden ray
ofbustereups. The ripping trili
Ofbrs0ks anI fountains in their play
With bird-sGngs seemed the wood 20 I'll.
And, a. listened, on the wind
There came voice, a. one who sings;
"oh mortal, leave the world behind.
And scale the hedge on fancy's wings
Behold, thou stansiest on the edge
Of that enchanted fairyIaad.
Thy doubts have raised the mighty hedge.
Twill vanish now al thy command
sighed as one who doubts his dream.
sa~ the thoruy hedge grow les
And fainter grew the mystic gieam
The hedge passed into nothingness
The zlist Of eventide arose,
Within a barren vale stood
The day was sinking 70 it. close
There was no dim enchanted wood
-FIaveI Scott Mines in HArper's Weekly.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-04-09
Apples as Medicine.


Chemically, the apple IS composed Of
vegetable fibre, albumen, sugar,gun1,
chiorophyII. malie acid, gallie acid, lime,
and much water. Furthermore, the Ger
man analysts say that the apple contains
a larger percentage Of phosphorus than
any other fruit or vegetable. This phos-
phorus is admirably adapted for renew
ing the essential nervous matter, Iethicin,
Of the brain and spinal cord. 1t is, per-
hsps, for the same reason, rudely under
stood, that old Scandinavian traditions
represent the apple as the food OF the
gods, who, when they felt themselves to
be growing feeble and infrln, resorted to
this fruit for renewing their powers Of
mind and body Also the acids of the
apple are Of signal use COR men of sedeu-
tary habits, whose livers are sluggish in
action these acids serving 10 eliminate
from the body noxioGs matters which. if
retained, would make the brain heavy
and dull, or bring about jaundice or skin
eruptions and other allied troubles. Some
such an experience must have led to our
custom of taking appie sauce with roast
pork, rich goose, and ike dishes.
The malic acid Of ripe apples, either
raw or cooked, will neutralize any excess
of chalky matter engendered by eating
too much meat. II is also the fact that
snch fresh fruits as the apple, the pear
and the plum, when taken ripe and with
out sugar, diminish acidity in the stem
ach rather. than provoke it. The veeet-
able salts and juices are converted into
alkaline earbonates, which tend to coun-
terlctI aeidity. A good ripe raw apple
is one Of the easiest of vegetable sub
stances for the stomach II deal with, the
whole process Of its digestion beng CON-
pleted in S. minutes. Gerard found that
the ''pulpe Of roasted apples mixed in q
wine Quart of fzire water, and iabored
together until it comes to be as apples
and ale--which we call lambeswool-
never fAiIeth in certain diseases Of the
brains, which myself hath often proved
and gained thereby both erownes and
credit" "1he parirg Of an apple, cut
somewhat thick, and the inside whereof
Is laid to hot, burning or running eyes at
night, whea the party goes to bed, and is
tied or bound to the same, doth help the
trouble very speedily and contrary to ex-
pectation-an excellent secret
Poultiee made Of rotten apples is of
very common rse in Lincolnshire for the
cure of weak or rheumatic eyes. Like
wise, in the Hotel des Invalides, at Paris
an apple pouItice IS used commonly for
infiamed eyes, the apple being roasted
and its pulp applied over the eyes with
out any intervening substance. Long
ago it was said apples do easily and speed
iiy pas through the belly therefore they
do moIify the belly and, for the same
reason, modern maxim teaehes -that-
"To eat an apple going TO bed, The doctor
then will beg his bread"