Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1890-09-25
MORE OR LESS AMUSING.

MORE OR LESS AMUSING.
WEATHER reports thunder clap.
MANY fine dinners are served in q
course way.
An after-dinner speech: Waiter,
bring me the tooth-picks.
Isn't it rather rough to call grocer
who simply sands his sugar an adul-
terer?
I'm having 'gallus' time, said the
old bachelor, as he mended one of his
suspenders.
CHAwLIE-I thought you took an in
terest in my welfare. Madge-No, sir:
only in your farewell.
CHICAGO girls object to rubbers,
~they draw the feet So" It must be an
awful load, even for India-rubber.
MISS WIsEMAN-Isn't your husband
little bald? Mrs. Hendricks Gndig-
nantly) There isn't bald hair in his
head.
CHAUNoEY DEPEw needn't brag about
seeing the Queen. We knew a man
once who saw" four queens and it cost
him about $4,000.
MoTHER-And what did you say to
the gentleman, Ethel, when he gave
you the apple? Ethel-I told him
that liked oranges better.
BARBER Executing an artistic swipe
down his customers cheek)-Does it
pull? Customer with his teeth firmly
set)-No, it don't pull-It ex cavates.
Mrs. MCCARTHY TO pedlar)-Is thin
cabbages nice, Mr.. OLeary? O'Leary
(gallantly)-Bedad, they're as fresh
and green as yourself, Mrs. Mccarthy.
AVERAGE wife-My dear. aren't you
going to church with me this Sunday ?
Average husband-Good lands! Why,
Invent to church with you last Sun
day.
IRATE better half-Jeremiah, you're
a-goin' ter hev piece of my mind now
Henpecked husband (feebly)-I ruther
hev peace of mine, wife, burned eff I
hednt.
MRS. UpToN-Y Yes, that is my daugh-
ter's piano; but she has scarcely
touched it since she has been married.
Mrs. Downton-Jest the same with
my darter an FER typewriter.
'sDo YOU believe that spirits can re-
turn, Doctor!" 'Oh, my friend, how
can you ask such question? If I be-
leved that I would not be eble to prac-
:tice my profession any longer!"
{ BENEVOLENT: well. Fritz, you got
whipped at school to-day ?" "Yes, but
it did not hurt" "But you certainly
have been crying?" "Oh, wanted to
let the teacher have little pleasure
out of it"
FIRST resorter-T That mosquito just
came up and presented his bill as cool
as could be. Inever had anything sting
me so. Second resorter-That's moth
ing. Wait till the landlord does the
same thing.
BENEVOLENT party-My man, don't
you think fishing is cruel sport?
f isherman-Cruel? Well. l should
say so. I have sat here six hours, have
not had a bite and am nearly eaten up
by mosquitoes.
SLEEKER- sir, always kept a.
diary. And there never was an entry
in that diary which would have been
ashamed that my mother or my sister
should see. Ruffen-Same here. I put
down "sundries" for drinkables.
Il FEEL" said the young man to her
father, shat existence without your
daughter would be only dreary task,
whose completion could not come too
soon." Every WELL" said the old gen.
tleman; take ner, and presently you'll
feel the same way, only more So"
"PApA," said the young mother, 81
have decided on name for the baby
we will call her Imogen." Papa was
lost in thought for few minutes; he
did not like the name, but # he opposed
it his wife would have her own way.
"That's NICE" said he, presently. "My
first sweetheart was named Imogen,
and she will take it as compliment"
Eve will call her Mary, after my
was the stern reply.
THE FRIsKY SUMNER GIRL.
When the grass widow loves to repose
In the shade.
And the bank clerk affecteth to doze
In the glade,
The frisky young lass
Tumbles round In the grass,
Nor of strangers who pass |
Is afraid.
Nought cares she for curl or skirt,
Not she; |
She rompishly loveth to flirt
With some he.
He may be granger, he may
Be a drummer who stops for dav;
Men are scarce. and young maidens are gay |
Full of glee.
San Francisco Netcs Letter.
Large Reservoirs,
Omitting lakes, which are in many