The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-11-07
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Elder Sister-"Why don't you i'm
prove your mind, Belle. instead of con-
tinually dawdling about the house?"
Belle-"What's the use? Pm engaged"
-Ethel-"Poor Clare! She is growing
old" Maud-"It must seem sad to you,
seeing you have known her since she
was an infant in arms. IN. Y. Herald.
Zone of the papers gives list OF
gems for the months" 81 saw that. 1t
wasn't accurate. 1t didn't mention coal
once all through the winter months. -
Harper's Bazaar.
"A Canadian doctor has just been tes-
tifying that murdered mans heart
stopped fright in the middle of beat. v.
That's nothing; policemen often do the
same thing.-Utica Herald.
-''You have parted from Miss Win
gis forever?" Eyes. l was always
afraid her brother would cause our sep
aration, and he did" 81 didn't know
she had brother" but she has. I'm
her brother. "-Philadelphia Press.
"A mother always feels compli-
mented when you tell her how much she
looks like her daughter, but the man
who thinks to please the daughter by
telling her how much she looks like her
mother is fool -Somerville Journal.
Willing to Learn: George Ito de- b
utante sister, - "I'm almost sorry to
see you go into society, Edith; you are
like rosebud-so pure, so innocent. !"
Edith-"Never mind, George, I can
learn. Puck.
A. Auku Nv 70
B.-''Nice trick you have played me
during my vacation. Here turned over
to you lot of patients l have had for
years, and you have cured them all up
in month. "-Courrier des Etats-Unis.
"A man will abuse the loafers him
self, but when he has an idle day and a
busy friend, did anyone ever know him
to respect the time of his busy friend SO
much that he did not go around to his
place and loaf with him?-Atchison
Globe.
Caution: Little Boy lin crowded
street car, to pretty little girl)-"Pll
give you my seat if you'll take it." Lit
tie Girl (whispering)-"Tm ever so
much obliged, but you shouldn't offer
your seat until you are ready to get off.
cause people will think you're from the
country. food News.
He about to take to his departure)
-"Where did l leave my hat? Why
your pug is playing with it in the cor
ner. Neutrality-suspicious. torn the lin
ing out?" She-"O, isn't he cunning?
Stay little while longer and we'll
watch him play with it. Isn't he anus
ing?"
81 should think, Mr.. Owelots, that
you would be afraid to marry me. l am
so old and have so much money that
people might misiudge your motive"
MY sweet Angelina, love you so that
would willingly marry you though you
were three times as old and had twice
as much money. Boston Times.
Mate ION ocean steamer, rushing
into abin)-"Captain, vessel has been
sighted off to the southeast displaying
signals of distress. Shall we change our
course to help them?" "Why, man, are
you crazy? Certainly not. Have you
forgotten that we stand chance of
beating the record on this trip?'-Bos-
ton Herald.
No Help Wanted. Visitor-"I say,
old boy, you are the most absurdly in
fatuated husband l ever saw in my life,
considering how long you've been mar
ried. You praise every dish your wife
makes and yet her cooking is abomina-
ble." Host-"Sh! Don't speak so loud.
l know her cooking is bad; but if say
a word she gets discouraged and sends
for her mother. IN. Y. Weekly.