The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-06-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Conflicting dates-Candidates
Kidnaping--A sleeping infant
The huilc of fortune-Petroleum
Shaking for driuks-The tremulous
topper.
Can IL bird drinking be said to be
liquidating his bill?-FdU Rioer Tribune.
Pothumous works should be published
in some dead language. Ptts6Ug
Chyonicle
1t is comparatively quiet when so still
you can hear the dew drop. -Binghamt0S
Republican,
A sulky horse can usually be cured by
driving it in some other kind of vehicle.
--Neo York Neios.
Put two doors side by side and the
small boy will 90 through the one that
squeaks Mercury.
When two racing steamers make the
same number of knots an hour, the re-
suit, naturally is a tie.-Ne,O York. Voice.
The papers at this trying time
All speak OF death, the killer;
We're bold to take, in prose and rhyme,
Somebody's Sarsaparilia.
Judge.
The ancents eXcelled us in many
things. Now, there was Job, boiler
that never exploded.-San Francisco
Altd.
The humorist seldom gets rich from
his ideas, but he is usually able to make a
good thing out of one and another
Puck
A dentist of this city puts in false
teeth so naturally that they look and
ache exactly like the originals. PhiJa-
delphia Press.
The health journals and doctors agree
that the most wholesome part of the or
binary New England country doughnut
is the ole,-Tyoy Times
In ancient times twas Ajax bold
The lightning did defy:
| In modern times It's kemmler, who,
-Gooddlps sun.
Popiniay passing store)-"G Good gra-
ciousl What is the matter with that
man leaning over the counter there"
| Blobson-'Got counterfeit, | guess
Mercury.
Bank Cashier (of Hibernian extraction
opening his mail and smelling the docu-
men0-'IIello, this note must have been
drawn in the Oil Regions, see there are
three days erase on it..
Tumble to office boy)-"Cau you tell
me if the sporting editor is in his ofice2"
Office Boy-"He amt got any offiis
He's outside making the baseball score or.
the bulletin. '-Fatsburg Press.
Mrs. Brown-"Why do you like to
have the doctor come to see you, Johnnyl
Is it because you get nice things to eat!''
Little Johnny-"Naw; cause | can put
i my tongue out at him. '-Basay,
Girls are queer" "Why ysol" "Why,
when that pauper Bolus was married to
Miss Stockanbonds, the heiress, she
| looked tickled to death when he en-
dowed her with all his worldly goods"
-Ba=ar.
Mrs. Jinks-'I declare Alice Smith is
to be married 1t is fhghtluf the way
girls marry nowadays. A wouaan shonld
never think of it until she has reached
the age of discretion Mr., Jinks-''In
other words, you would rather havs
them stay single all their liyesP'-L,fac-
| renee american.
There is a postoffice in Idaho called
Deer Valley, with a mail twice per week.
For six weeks last winter the only letters
received came for young man from his
girl in Chicago and the inhabitants fin
ally became so wroth that they arose in
their might and run him out of town.
| Detroit Free Press.
Jack Wheeer-''I say, Louis, how old
do you suppose Miss Smith isl Her aunt
says she's just twenty-one.' Louis Waite
(who has not been in the Wholesale dry
goods business for nothing)-"Aw, yes;
marked down from thirty three; to be
disposed of at a bargain, old chappie. -
Morning Journal,