Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-08-10
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

A piece of Limburger cheese is like a
tack in one respect-you can always find it
j in the dark.-Lye.
There are some things woman can do
as well as man, but scratching match
isn't one of them.-Somerville Journal
Loobs-"Did the old gentleman leave
much when he died w Bobbs-"He left
the earth. What more could expect" ?"
First Little Girl (proudly)-"We are
goin' to Europe this summer" Second
Little Girt (contemptuously)-"Pooh We
shust game from dere."-Ne,c York Weekly.
Miss Lake (of Chicago)-"And 1 was
fairly frightened out of my boots" Miss
Broadway (glancing at Miss Lakes feet)-
"What terrible shock it must have been'
"Smithers? Smithers is retired art
ist?" Retired, Ell? Why, he is only 2s
years DID," "That may be; but you don't
have to be very old to retire from art."-
Puck
care these complexion powders war
ranted fast colors?' "Well, Madam,
cannot say that they will wash like the
natural complexion, but they won't rub of
on coat-sleeve."-LJe.
"Your husband appeared very dull
and sleepy in church last Sunday" "Yes,
he'd had very exciting and wakeful
afternoon and evening the day before"
"Where was he?" "At baseball match"
Mrs. Turist Ito young Van Antwerp,
who has pulled her little boy out of the
icy water)-'Ob, thanks, so very much !;
but since you're as wet as you can get, would
you mind going in again for Willie's hat ?'
Jester.
We hail with rejoicing the bloom time
of year, for spring has departed and sum-
mer is here we'll roam through the flow
ers and Gull sweet bunch, and give the
MOSQUITOES bountlful lunch.-New York
Sunday Times.
Sweet maid-"You are not afraid OF
anything, are you, George" Callow
youth-"Of nothing, Miranda, absolutely
nothingp Sweet maid-''I am so glad,
for hear papa unchaining Carlo. Good
night"-Munseys Weekly.
az wish you were like Mr.. Bunting
complained Mrs. Larkin; "he's so consid
crate of his WIFE," That's so r replied
Mr.. Larkin; 'you ought to see the nice
lightweight ak he bought to-day for her
to split kindling wood with"
"Why do you have that great pitcher O
water on the window sill-to keep it cool
l suppose?' "No; to have it handy tc
| throw on my husband when he comes home
late at night. Why, don't you know, ht
could never find the keyhole if | didn't"
Congressman Turner made a mistake
] when he gave up the ice business to be
come Representative" ado you thini
so ?n 'Undoubtedly. II he had stuck to
it for another year he would have made
enough money to become Senator. Life
Servant-"A newspaper man to inter
view you, sir" Candidate-"Tell hin
Pm so hoarse | can't talk" Servant
told him that, but he said he'd ask the
questions and you could nod, yes or no.
Candidate-"Tell him have stiff neck
and can't nod"
Small boy-"Papa, this book says tha
when an ofiice-holder in China gets ricl
the people cut his head off and con6scate
his property, cause they know he stole it.
Great statesman-"Jee Whitaker W.
don't want any Chinese notions over here
The Chinese must CO."
'Oh, dear no, my son, we do not. stea
the poor natives Of Africa now and sell
them into slavery. We just steal thei
country and charge them pretty littl,
rent for the privilege of living in it. Yes
my son, the world has improved greatly IL
morals in the last half ry."-Bosto'
Transcript
Wife-"James, if you are not doIns
anything / wish you would drive nail OF
1.-TWO on the outside corner of the kitchen
so can put up clothes line" Husband
with dignity )-"Susan, you will have tC
do it Yourself. / have sworn not to touch
hammer until the strike is over p
Chicago Tribune.
Miss Ann Gular lin the hosiery de
partment)-"I wish TO see some embroid
cred hose, please" Salesman-"Ye Yes m
These are the finest made" Miss Anr
Gular-"How much are they?" Sales
man-"Five dollars a pair" Miss Anr
Gular-"H'm. They come pretty high
! don't they? Salesman "Well, yes
ma'am, they do; but you must remember
you are a tall woman"
She wore sailor hat
i should not have minded that,
| Nor her patent leather shoe and gsiterette;
But saw her on Broadway
Only just the other day.
And thought it was her brother that met.
For she he'd flannel shirt
And what most my feelings hurt,
| A picadilly collsr and a tie.
| A double breasted sacque
With two buttons on the back,
| And blooming English eye-glass in her eye
| e " in Judge.