The Delta independent., 1890-09-23
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Shes psssimist Very widely read
That's strange A pessimist ought to
be very largely bluA '-[Puck
A lady in this city who owns . cat
that scratches great deal has given II
the descriptive name Of SClawed -
Hartford Timea
Tho best cure for obesity Is to board
for the summer at farm house whore
you viii be treated like one Of the fam
ily.-lBoston Gazette.
Az Elsewhere. e.-Teacher-Whot reg
ulates the supply Of liquor In Mainea
Bright Boy (who reads tho newspapers)
The 0emand.-[Puck.
Jim-Jack, lend me . hver. please?
Jack-Certainly. Lend me the fiver ]
last loaned you and you can have it,
Boston Courier.
Intending Settler-But d Prairie City
well watered? Kansan-Of-ourse 1t is.
There amt no other water there but we'll
water.-[West Shore.
Slightly Different -Minister-Aroy you
going to the church, miss Miss High.
see-No. sir; I'm only member Of the
choir, sir.-[ Yonkers Statesman.
Little Johnny calls neighbor Jones
Posterity. Johnny has been recently
told that @posterity" means those who
come after us.-(Boston Transcript
The man best qualified to enjoy the
honeymoon is the one who had all the
romance kicked out OF him before hs
reached that period.-[ Ashland Press
A Good Idea.-Sergeant-so you ara
in love with the cook at Mr.. Browns, !
hear7 "Yes;" but only on . weeks
trial till ! see what sort Of . cook shs
b.s
snodgrass-Td like to pay that bill.
but can't just now. You must give
you time, but you seem to want eternity.
l-uife.
Mendicant-Can't you give mo few
pennies for my poor family at home.
sir7 Merchant-No. no. man; don't
want to buy any poor family.-[Yonksrs
Statesman.
Incongruity.-Mr.F Figg-What are you
thinking over so deeply. my dearf Mrs.
Figg-I was just wondering whether to
| cut OF Tommy's curls or to make him
stop swearing.
Sufferer-Do you pull teeth without
paint Dentist-Well, not always. 1
sprained my wrist last time pulled
tooth and II hurts mo yet occasionally.
l-lTe1as Siftinga
Gertie-What shocking fright thas
Alden gill isl Her costumes are OUT
| landish. Florence - No wonder. Shs
dresses according to the fashion articles
in the Sunday newspapers.-[Iifs.
What nonsense this is going the rounds
Of the press. that such and such woman
has been the first to be admitted to the
practice Of the law in this country.
Haven't women. and particularly mar
ried women, been laying down the law
to men for centuries2-[ Philadelphia
| Times.
John-rm sorry I shall b away 70
long, Miss Janet You don't know how
hate to say good bye to you, but sup
pose the best Of friends must part, you
know. Janet-Oh. yes, and what's the
use Of people who arc nothing to each
other growing sad over separationi
That's the way look at It
A-You see that fine houssf The man
who owns II made all his money as
cab driver. BLOW did he manage to
do It? A-Easy enough. He made 1t
rule to know the exact minute when the
train left In which his passenger was
going, and reaching the station at tho
very last moment, the passenger could
not dispute with him, no matter what
he charged"
~You must push matters . little,
James,; sold chemist to his new boy
-by calling customers attention TO thiS
| article and that article. you often effect
a sale. .Yes, sir. responded the new
boy. and then he hastened TO wait upon
an elderly person who wanted . stamp.
Anything else. num- inquired the
ambitious boy politely; shair dye. cos.
metic, face powder. rheumatic drops.
belladonna, mole destroyer-" Ths
elderly lady deals over the way now.
=: ::.::~aoer. saIa pretty girl to her
bashful beau, Il wish you'd tie this rib
bon at my throat; I can't 500 TO do 10
without . glass" sOf course; III b
too glad too, be said. and ct once Crap
pied the strings. After an unsuccessful
effort Of hve minutes, during which he
got a. red as brick house. and pe1pired
like . pitcher Of Ice water on July
window sill. he stammered: IL
don't think I can tie q respectable knot,
Miss Mary Suppose. Philandsr,
she whispered, with pretty little blush.
suppose you call in a clergyman I'd
assist" Like the unvciling Of beauti.
full mystery, the situation unfoided ~
SELF to Philander, and he feels better