Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1890-02-15
VARIETIES.


pirate court dress
1t isn't so bad to be disappointed in
love as in marriage.
When a woman gets cross, she gets
cross at everybody.
The green grocer is one who trusts
dead-beat customers.
Consider the lilies. They toll not
but they are expensive.
! When a train is telescoped the pas
sengers are apt to see stars.
The whole truth is so seldom told
that when told it seems like lie
A good many are unable to prove
that the world owes then living.
The turns in politicians road that
loose him oftenest are the returns.
Affection goes into bankruptcy when
it marries for money and fails to get
it.
1t is the wife of the late husband
who is most interested in "the coming
man"
A rooster is like an auctioneer-He
makes big noise in order to attract
fair bids.
Crying piece when there is no piece
Boy asking for pie when the pantry
is empty.
1t is the man who orders a room on
the top floor who takes up the most
room in writing his name on the hotel
register.
The man who hides his light under
a bushel is apt to be very extravagant
Usually pint cup would serve the
purpose.
Mr.. Abraham Hayward, the best
raconteur in London, said the other
day that in his opinion woman looked
better in muslin than in print.
1t is not so much the length or the
variety Of our opportunities as the
way in which we use them that will
decide how much they will benefit us.
Marriage" remarked Biggs, ''is a
sort of brief swoon. When | was first
married | thought Mrs B. and were
one but it was not long before we
came two"
Lemon parties" are becoming pop
ular in number of Hudson river
towns. 1t is stated that every young
man is expected to bring lemon,
| girl and squeezer.
GLOW shall we move the masses ?"
asked the temperance orator. Just
| then somebody in the outskirts of the
crowd remarked, Come take drink,
fellows" and the masses moved.
Flossie Cooking up from her geog-
raphy)-"Well, what | don't under
stand about Columbus discovering
America, is how he knew it was Amer
lea when he'd never seen it before"
A mother, having occasion to ar
range the covering Of the bed which her
little five-year old was sleeping, found
a slip of paper theron, with a prayer
that mamma might be sent baby,
and that it might be twins"
Actress | don't feel as if
could go on the stage tonight"
Doctor-"What, madam, seems to be
the matter with you? Actress-"Oh
| don't care much, doctor. Give me
the worst ailment you can for $780,"
Pater-You children turn up your
noses at everything on the table.
When | was boy was glad to get
enough dry bread to eat Tommy
Say, pa, you're having much better
time Of it, now you are living with us,
amt you?
"John, bring me glass of hot
punch" Servant (bringing it); 81
think this is not quiet hot enough, sir"
GLOW do you know that? You must
have tasted it." Indeed, no, sir; |
would not do such thing: | tried it
with my finger"
First Tramp (to his pard) -"Did
| you tell the mistress Of the house that
we were Johnstown sufferers, washed
out by the food?'' Second Tramp
81 did" "What did she say?" "She
said we looked as though we hadn't
been washed for ten years"
First Boy-@Oh, I got away with
mother to-day. She tried to make me
come in the house so she could whip
me- and | wouldn't do it." Second
Boy-"Bully for you'll What did she
D" ooh she whipped me, but she
had to come out in the yard to do it,
Friend "Well, Nose, l see your
fondness for chickens has got you into
trouble again. Why can't you eat
something else ?' The culprit-"Deed,
Mars Brown, would cheerfully; but
how's a POI niger to carry whole
sheep off under his jacket? Does der
law require imposserbilities ?"
Mary-"The butcher is here maam;
what shall order?" Mrs. Morris
Parke-"Dear me, haven't thought
What can we have for dinner, Nary"
Mary (thoughtly)-"I don't know,
a'am" Mrs. Morris Parke-"Oh,
can't you make suggestion p Mary
(cheerfully)-"I can try. What do
you make it OPP
The responsibility of any wrong ac-
ton begins long before the action itself
is committee it deals with the source
and growth of motives. 1t is not
enough to say we should resist the mo-
tive which urges us to do wrong. This
is of course true; but it is also true
that we should not have permitted the
motive to attain such strength. We
I-.Ao.., - x,.Lo4