Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-06-25
HOW HE DRESSED FREDDY.
The Conceited Father Thought He Knsv
IL All Hnk h nadn,A

The Conceited Father Thought He Knew
1t All, But He Didn't.
! All family men fancy, says Kate
/ Thorn in the New York Weekly, that
they can dress the baby much more
deftly and expeditiously than the mother
can perform the same operation. That
| is, II they only set themselves about IL.
''Of course there is no doubt of that"
| says the man to himself "a man can
/ do any thing better than o woman, and
not make half the fuss and talk about 1t.
Women wear themselves all out talking
things over. Why, woman will talk
more about making fiatiron-holder
than man would about building q
Westinghouse. When a man is going
to do any thing he goes to work and
| does it. He doesn't have to run all
over the neighborhood to ask every one
he knows about 1t and then do as he
has mind to, as . woman will do"
And so, having heard him boast of his
capabilities for years, some fine morn
ing, when his wife's head aches and the
feminine deity of the kitchen has given
| notice, the mother Of the family invites
| him to dress the baby.
The baby Is big enough to walk
around and have a finger in every pie,
but It will be ''the baby" till later edi-
ton appears.
The man who knows it all smiles tri-
umphantly to himself. He is delighted
with the opportunity of showing his
wife how much quicker he can do 1t than
she can. And he'll see If that baby is
going to run all over creation after cats
and things, and CRY half the time while
he is doing it. Discipline is what is
needed with children.
he calls the baby to him.
Stand there, Freddy, while papa
finds your clothes, like good boy"
Freddy places himself In position,
while his pa goes inquest of the raiment
belonging to the juvenile. Freddy spies
bird on the top of tree in the yard.
and he climbs on the piano to get high
up at the window. and he knocks down
couple Of bundles of sheet-music, his
sister Fanny's new hat that she left
there last night when she came home
from the party so tired that she could
hardly get upstairs to bed; and them
poor Freddy slips, and grabs the win
dow-shade to save himself, and brings
1t down, fixtures and all, and draws .
double-tracked railroad on the polished
rosewood of the piano with his wildly
clutching fnger-nails, and lands safely
on the floor, bowling with rage at not
having been able to get the bird.
By that time his pa has found most OF
his clothes, and is ready to begin. But
Freddy isn't ready. He wants to see
the pictures in the album. Then he in
sists on hearing the watch tick. Then
he wants to catch the dog by the tail
and give 1t good pull, to see If 1t L. on
fast. Then he wants to kiss mamma
Stand stillr' says his pa, putting ON
the severe look that he uses on his in
subordinate clerks in the dingy down.
town office, land see If you can keep
your tongue still while ! dress youl
Don't wiggle SO, Freddy Stand stillf
Put down your footl Let that cat alonet
Here, you little mischief, stop chewing
that lead-pencil! Hold up your head,
can't you? Put this hand through-no.
that onel Good gracious, 1t is strange
that women will make pants for babies
wrong end to! And more buttons on
'em than would be needed to button up
regiment Of meni Now then, for the
waistl Humphl thst is made the same
way, all the buttons in the wrong
place. No arm-holes, no nothin9l
Freddy, hold still! 1 tell you 1t doesn't
hurt you'll Yes, It's on right. 1t can't be
on any other way. BY Jove, I've forgot
the drawers, and the stockingsi Here.
put up that foot. Good gracious, Freddy,
cant you stop wiggling your toes2 Hold.
your leg stiff. There, now. Now well
put on the little mans collar. What an
outlandish contrivance to fasten a collar.
1t doesn't stay put anywhere. Let'ssee,
the bow goes under it2 No, 1t must TO
over 1t. Keep your head still. What
are you bobbing so for? Lift up your
arms. Freddy Why. what the deuce IA
the matter with this child's arms? He
can't move 'em. Don'tcry, Freddyl Let
me look. Do stop that bawhng. This
all comes OF your mothers humorin0
you so. I say, Fred, stop this noise,
Stop 1t, say! shall be crazy-I-" +
And about at this juncture his wife
appears on the scene, and she fnds
that Freddy's pants are hind part before.
ana one OF his arms has been put
through the neck space, and the other
one through one arm-hole OF his waist.
and his collar, which was made to turn
down, stands up, and his stockings ara
on wrong side out; and his pa win never
own that there is anything out of order
about the proceeding. but the next time
he dresses the baby he doesn't dress It
he always has something to see to that
prevents HIM.
Chinese HssponsibII
II Chinaman dies while being tried
for murder the fact of his wing IA taken