Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-06-30
If you want to get money out of man
always appeal to his cash ear.

If you want to get money out of a man
always appeal to his cash ear.
If man could see himself as others
see him he would pull down the blinds.
The blacksmith is about the only work
man who secures prosperity by being al
ways on the strike.
wise editor wants to know why peo-
pie say man "feels his oats" when he
only feels his rye.
The trouble in having your latch-string
always hanging Quits that the wrong peo-
pie get hold of it.
1t is better for young man to have his
trousers bag at the knees than to have his
brain bag at the ears.
The man who goes to bed so late that
he meets himself getting up in the morn
ing is not an early riser.
81 see they are talking of running a
railroad through the Holy Land" 'Sin-
gle tract road, suppose"
''What does the doctor say?" "He
says my liver is in bad way, but he
thinks he can save my bacon"
Awkward Miss with an umbrella
Beg pardon! Polite Gentleman = Don't
mention it. have another eye left.
The fashion editor of a frontier paper,
about the time of an Indian scare, said he
was sorry to observe that whoops were
coming in again.
It's only natural that Africans should
be cannibals. Why? Ham is supposed
to have gone to Africa, and, well, every
body eats Ham.
Proof Observation-Disclosures blunder in the
''Church Services" Slug Ten will have
to be fired. He makes it "doze opened at
half-past seven"
When everything appears unusually
fresh, we say the season is forward: and,
when a person is unusually forward, we
say he is too fresh.
She-I wouldn't marry you if you were
worth 100000. He-Under those cir
cumstances, Miss Homelerich, I don't
think would ask you.
An old bachelor declares that it is
pleasant always to have two babies in the
house, because each cries so loud that you
can't hear the other.
Young Brindle-Pa, can't have fan
mel shirt like yours? Mr.. Brindle (speak-
ing from experience My son, you may
have this after it is washed.
''Ma,' said little girl, ''Willie wants
the biggest piece of pie, and L sink 1 |
ought to have it, cause he was eatin' pie |
two years fore was bornded."
New York editor is trying to decide |
which is proper. 81 saw an opera or
81 heard an opera" If he sat behind the |
regulation size bonnet the latter term is
correct.
While the influenza was at it's hight |
child was born in New York. The family |
were all down with the disease. The new
arrival was boy, and by unanimous con-
sent was named Agrippa.
Anxious mother with manageable |
daughter)-Why do you think that young
Harold Gwynne could never support a
wife? Practical father-He wears sash |
in place of suspenders.
Mr.. DeBoer-Miss Emma, perhaps / |
ought not to call during Lent, for I'M
derstand you deny yourself all amuse-
ment Miss Emma-Yes, do, Mr.. De- |
Boer. Come as often as you like.
Wife-What is the news? Husband-I
was just reading about our minister at
Copenhagen. Wife-Yes, L noticed at |
the sociable the other night that our min
lister was very fond of the game.
Rev. DIR. Grimes Ito Judge Tort Yes;
and when you have particularly bad boy
come before you what is thefirst question
you ask him? Judge Tort ask him,
s'Where does your father preach?"
''Ah, my friend" sighed luguberous
stranger at Asbury Park, 'ithere are skel- |
etons in every family. ''Ihave mine, and
L s'pose you have yours2- Yes, sir, :" was
the reply, ''she is down there on the |
beach now"
Timmins has sworn off again. |
Potts 1T was about time. He was so full
that he saw double last Friday and bought
q horse OF q fellow down at the market
under the impression that he was getting
match team,