The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1890-08-07
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Some young men live so fast that
watches left to them by their parents
lose couple of hours day.
When girl elopes with her coach
man, some other man is saved from
getting mighty poor wife,
Express.
1.-THE rich Count ,on Altburg is to
be married." ITO an American grip"
''What foolish question? Didn't say
to rich count?''-Society.
The best cure for obesity is to board
for the summer at farm house where
you will be treated like one of the
family.-Boston Gazette.
Spiritual Observation-Disclosures
81 wonder what can have made our
friend Anderson such a .pessimist?"
Runk-"He's had too much of the good
things of life. PUCK.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Uncle Robert ia
a very conservative man, isn't hep"
Miss Travis-'I should say he vast
You ought to see the stacks of cut flow
ers he raises every season."
First Senator-''l have scheme to
which wish to give the widest pub
Gcity: What do you suggest as the best
method?' Second Senator-''Discuss il
in secret session, of course. Racket.
Probably the iceman has never
noticed the dainty little tin tongs that
are furnished with boxes of CONNECTIONS
cry. They are neat, inexpensive, and
would be quite useful in his business
Washington Post.
-Helen(7 p. n.y. - ''Jack will get his
walking ticket when he calls tonight.
I'll tell him don't care any thing for
him." Helen 70 p. N.Y. - Oh dear! Isn't
he coming tonight? I hope he didn't
take that little quarrel of Wednesday
seriously" Herald.
There is man." said De Kique, in
the hotel corridor, ''who has done more
toward the publication of American pol
itics than anybody else 1 know Of"
"How?" ''He retired to private life. -
Washington Post.
- Thompson "You look pale and
thin, johnson. Why will you persist in
killing yourself working night and day
such weather as this?" johnson -"1
am trying to earn money enough to pay
the expenses of weeks rest in the
country."-N. Y. Weekly.
A St. Petersburg doctor is stopped
late at night by policeman, who asks
why he is out so late. ITO attend Mr..
Popoff, who was taken suddenly ILL"
ibid he have permit to be taken sud-
denly ill?" "No." "Then you will
have to 60 to- prison" Detroit Free
Press.
-Cho]ly ~ cawn't imagine what
you are going out in the country for,
Miss Dashing. You are such favorits
with the men I should think you would
like to be whore we are" Miss Dashing
That's the very reason Pm going to
the country-to see if I can't find real
man somewhere. "-Munsey's Weekly.
Fortune is as blind as any bat; > :
Your own affairs give proof Of that; ts.E:-i
And sometimes needs adjusting: z-.r9 ;
If things were right" you sadly sing,
ia be president, king,
A millionaire or some such thin1' ~--...-t
You're r1ght-it is disgusting. -
p. -"The vile. abominable literature
that Is polluting the minds of our bow
and girls, wrote the editor. lis pub
lie disgrace andy tho way, Judkjn.
son, " said he, stopping short in his able
editorial and turning to the local editor,
''be sure you have the full particulars
Of that divorce scandal in East Biggles.
ton; the Evening Whangdoodle musn1
get the bulge on US this time. Let ne
zee; where was l? O, yes-public dis.
grace and should be suppressed BY the
strong arm of tAe law. Manya youth
owes his downfall to the-be sure you
interview both parties, Judkinson, and
make it spicy you know. National
Publisher and Printer.