River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1890-04-24
STUDIES AT THE DEPOT.
The Great Trio-The Late Man. the La
Man and the Left Man.

The Great Trio-The Late Man. the Last
Man and the Left Man.
Whoever doubts the prevalence of uni
versal law has but to watch the depart
ing trains from a railroad depot. There
is always a late man, last man and a
left man. They are readily distinguish
able. However much they may differ in
physical attributes, the instant they
enter the magic region of train they
are metamorphosed into their standard
types.
The late man heels and toes il along
the station platform under high pres
sure Indignation. 1t registers itself in
the shake of his head, the nervous
change of his grip sack from one hand
to the other, his defiant stare at his
watch, his challenging look at the con-
ductor, his go-ahead-if-you-dare glance
at the steaming locomotive, and the vol
ume of assertions written upon his face,
that every thing else in the world is
wrong excepting himself. He places
his foot upon that train as if to hold it
fast until the last allowable second.
The last man has lost all starching
confidence; he has abandoned hope,
reason, ind ynation. AS he whirls
Though the gate, like gale around a
corner, he has but one purpose in life
TO catch the very tip end of the rear
most portion of that train, if he has to
chase it through all eternity. Going at
his maximum speed, he takes no thought
of life, its surroundings, its troubles,
its cares. His coat-tails and grip-sack
might belong to another universe, in so
far as severance of knowledge of them
from himself is concerned. Beyond the
vision of smoke puffs and a moving
mass ahead of him, his wild stare takes
no cognizance. He is a wound up auto
maton with a grip sack and a purpose.
The concentration of his thoughts
upon the moving engine would hypno-
tie it if it was susceptible TO mesmeric
laws. flo cranes his neck forward; he
projects his body as if to hook on to
something with his nose; he throws his
free hand ahead to it's uttermost extern
sion; he condenses every muscular
power into leg motion; he spurts.
There is frantic grab at the rear hand
rail of the train; jerk, swing and he
rides a block or so with the ratchet
edges of four steps holding him by the
back, his feet treading space in search
of a foothold and his gripsack anchored
TO some friendly post on the last verter-
bra of the dying train.
The last man is concentrated desire;
but the left man is an attenuated void.
The hydrant sign of \ plumbers shop is
an intellectual wonder and a phenome-
nal acrobat compared to him. AS the
ira gate slams before him he comes to
a statuesque halt The speed of his ar
rival and the suddenness of his stop,
shoots establishment to his face to leave
il there, fixed as mask upon a wooden
god. For an instant his skull is a
vacuity to which seed squash is as
plethoric pudding. Then his allotment
of original sin swells to the occasion
with unimpeded fervor. He glances
stealthily about to see who is looking at
him Conscious of full dose of inward
depravity, he smiles with the benignity
of one who, having forgiven all and
everybody, is ready to become a cherub.
He quickly slips his gripsack behind
him, and with face set to catch sympa-
thy remarks 70 the nearest stranger that
he is much disappointed that the friend
whom he came to meet did not arrive on
that train. Seeking the nearest cor
ner, for th5 seclusion proper to swear,
he loosens his safety-valve and blows
off until all about him is blue.
Watch him, In few moments he is
an innocent Interrogation mark before
the Bureau of Information.-Detr
Free Press