Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-09-06
THE ARIZONA KICKER
Lots Of Things Happen In Those Western
Towns.

Prom the Detroit Free Press
The last issue Of the Arizona Kicker contains
the following interesting items:
NoTIcE.-If the party who threw the brick at
us last Tuesday night az we stood on the cor
ner OF Apache avenue and Green street will
call at our office he will hear OF something to
his advantage. We can make him realize in
about five minutes that men Of his talent are
wasting their time in this country He can
also make his choice Of los eligible sites in our
private burying ground free OF cost Come
early and avoid the rush.
NO BooM.-For two straight years The
Kicker has persistently opposed the idea of a
boom to attract attention to our town. We
have watched this boom business in scores
or other places, and IN everv instance ii has
reacted disastrously. Our course has aroused
the ire OF certain spectators, but we shall
continue it, just the same. We've got 200 acres
OF cactus pasture which we should like to dis
pose OF to same Ohio farmer who wants to bet
ter his condition and who could be worked
up to part with 5000 in cash. but we
haven't the cheek. We own half a mile Of
side hill, which won't even grow rattlesnakes
but we haven't the gall to boom it for a peach
orchard. A million years hence we may have
SIX railroads here, but we can't force ourselves
to whoop-la! hurrah! over the prospect. We
own about fourteen billion dollars worth of
wild cat mining stock, every mine being in the
clouds, and but for our honesty we'd proceed
10 boom and unload. We are at the head of a
company to turn the Pacific ocean into the
deserts OF the west-president of an artesian
well company-secretary of the Great Straw
berry Growers Association, &C., &C., but we
were born honest and We can't look a tender
foot In the eye and lie to him.
No, gentlemen, this town is what il ia and no
more. 1t isn't going to be q second Chicago
1t has no Niagara Falls There isn't even good
fishing within thirty miles of u.s. We simply
have the great Arizona Kicker. one hundred
and forty-elght saloons. sixteen gambling
houses, i've stores and population of $500
souls, most of which will take 1.-The other road"
when the judgment day arrives. That's all.
and those who don't want to come can stay
away.
PERsoNAL.-Mrs. Judge Embro, who has
been absent at Tucson for the past two weeks
returned last night, and, usual. found the
Judge so drunk that he couldn't tell her from
Digger Indian. She didn't go away for her
general health, but to get over a black eve in
flicted by the judge IN one Of his sober
moments
CALLS FOR SYMpATHY.-Maj. Mcknight our
popular and efficient city clerk, met with a sad
accident last Sunday. While trying to enjoy a
drunk. hammock a smoke and snooze at
the same time he set himself on fire, and was
30 badly burned that he will not be out of his
bed for two weeks. The major has many friends
who will sympathize with him in his mis-
fortunes.
In THE WRoNe.-"Handsome Charlie" the
genial and enterprisng proprietor of ''The
Black Swan" saloon. has called at this Office
and convinced us that we were wrong in
stating that he had killed seven men and was
a dangerous character. His list includes only
four men. all laid away in self-defense. and. SO
far from being dangerous, he says that ne has
refused to put up fly screens this summer out
of general pity for the poor flies. He also has
pictures of three different angels on the walls
of his bed room.
We cheerfully make the correction, not
because the gentleman subscribed for five
copies of The Kicker to be sent to his friends
and gave US $50 ''ad," which will be found
elsewhere, but because We wish to do all men
justice.
FAIR WAnNINa.-Ben Stays, the eating-house
man, has made public threats to wiring our
nose on the streets. The trouble dates back
to year ago, when Ben tried to pass some
cactus soup on us for mock turtle.
Ben may attempt to wiring our nasal organ
He may even figure that he can succeed. We
give him fair warning, however, that he'll
have to be prepared to dodge six bullets. and
II he doesn't happen to be quick enough it
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