New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-07-30
Atlanta Constitu ton.

(
D woods on Ell
"A s ! S ~ Their side the
RYz#Nm >EMH big road glow
> \ ~ ed in flaming
se eassEzs colors like
great bon-fres kindled in honor of de-
parting summer; when the last rays of
the setting sun nodded all things with
mellow radiance, a solitary figure
taking a zig-zag path among the
trees; emerged upon the big road.
Reader, in this figure, allow me to
introduce to you Mr., Jimpson Jones
the evoy and terror of the Flat
woods.
He was envied because of his eu-
phonious' if not exactly aristocrotic
name. He was dreaded on account
of his love Of mischief and general
s'slickness." Indeed, such was his
reputation that his long, lank figure
was never seen without eliciting the
question, "What devilment is he up
to now?"
AS [ have said, Mr.. Jimpson Jones
was long and lank. There was Pc
-culiarity about his length-it was all
from his waist downwards, in fact, it
all lay in his legs. Wonderful things
were those legs. With such extremi-
ties he might, indeed, "bestride the
narrow world like colossus" 1t is
only justice to say that the only
practice they had yet had was in be-
&striding well-stocked chicken roots,
where they created rather sensa-
@tion.
They could take him across the
widest stream that ever flowed be-
tween him and another mans sugar
cane, and take him back again in
perfect safety, leaving the outraged
owner in open-mouthed surprise on
the other side. They could get him
over a high rail fence on a dark night
in triumph, leaving the too affection
ate dog on the other side and bring
ing the watermelon along with him.
In short, there was nothing those
aegs could not do, Or had not done,
in the way of devilment, and they
were, consequently, regarded with
great awe by the Flatwoodsians.
These legs were clothed in liberal
expanse of blue jeans, and terminate
ed at the lower end in feet encased in
the thickest and coarsest of brogans.
At the other end, the aforesaid blue
Jeans made connection with a check
ed homespun shirt, which innocent
,ofstarch, wrinkled ar tistically about
his manly form. The open neck dis
played a throat and chest we'll bronz-
ed by exposure. Having gradually
climbed upward, we have at length
reached his face. The hero's COM
plexion, the shape of his nose, the
cast of his eye, are all highly import
ant matters. He had agood mouth,
in the corner of which there was a
lurking sense of humor, a large nose
which had shared with his legs the
office of grindingstone to the wits OF
I'D the Flatwoods, light eyes that spark
led partly with fun, partly with
.shreWdness, and a fine forehead full of
daring. On the whole he was rather
good looking, and as proof of his
charms let it be said that he alone
was successful in subjugating the
tender affections of the village belle
the fair Elmira Billings. In short,
to quote the words of an adnlirer,
'he wuz jes nachilly wicked, but he
.wuz powful takin' with the winning
folks
Jimpson's browning glory and as
many thought the secret Of his cap
tivating powers was the wonderful
roach into which his hair was trained.
There were those who limited that,
like Sampson, his whole strength lay
in his hair-in that irresistableroac
+ and deprived of that, he would sink
into insignifcance. Be that as it
might, that roach was the envy Of
the Flatwoods. In vain the other
youth had striven to emulate it, in
vain labored with goose grease and
talloW, till every hair was like amin
nature talloW-dip, and there was no
venturing into the sun for fear ofdis
agreeable consequences.
Beside Jimpson their reaches fell
\ so fat that the crestfAllen dandies
would fain have beaten a retreat