Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-12-11
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JEsTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Their Figures-An Impressive
Warning-A CatasGrophe-A Ma
chiavelian Despot, Etc, Etc.
NEW FIGURES.

| ChlaNOiluh ASSPoo3 AoS''
NEW FIGURES.
Jack-I tell who what, Maud makes
quite figure in society.
Tom-Yes. When l see her at
marty with her dude admirers she re-
minds me of million.
,Jack-?2?
Tom-She is one followed by half
dozen nothings.-L Bazar.
AN IMPRESSIVE WARNING.
/ Teacher-Thomas, l saw you laugh
Just now. What were you thinking
| aboutl
Tommy was just thinking about
something.
Teacher-You have no business think
ing during school hours. Don't let it
occur again. Texas Siftings.
A CATASTROPHE.
Lord Runnymede-Aw Twum-
bull, fawncy now you weject my suit
because you have no wank. That is
verwy inconsistent for an American, you
know. l fawncied an American girl
would fawncy herself my equal, and tell
everybody my birth was mere accident,
you know.
Miss Trumbull-Oh no, Lord Runny-
mede, wouldn't disparage your birth in
the least. | don't think it was a mere
accident-it was regular catastrophe.
Life.
A MACHIAvELIAN DEsPoT.
Hampton Oh, yes; my wife always
does whatever | want her to.
Chalkley-How is it that your wife
obeys her husband so implicitly and
mine doesn't
Hampton-Well, 1 always urge my
wife to do what 1 disapproye Of.
CHARMING GIRL.
He Gust introduced Perfectly char
ming night. 1 have seldom seen the
stars look so bright, Are you fond of
astronomy
She-N-o; have never studied it.
He-You dote on botany, presumed
She-I never studied that, either.
He-Do you like geology
She-I don't know anything about it.
He-Ah! You are an enthusiast on
one or more of the arts, no doubt
music, painting, sculpture, wood carv-
| ing, CT repousse work!
She-I don't know thing about any
of them. Tn perfect ignoramus.
He-Angelic creature! Will you be
my wife?-[Ne York Weekly.
SPOT ON THE SUN.
81 say, old chap, you and arc deuced
good friends, and our friendship would
be most satisfying were it not for one
thing"
"And what may that be, you chronic
grumbler2"
. "Why, we borrow from each other sc
persistently that we can never raise cen
between us."-[Puck.
"In every house, Miss Powelson, " sale
young Mr.. Haybenslaw, with some hesi
tation, "there is spare room. 1t is KEEP
for the use of some honored guest. Il
every heart, too'-and he laid his ham
impulsively on his own-"there is spar
room"
"And we find one, too, in so man
heads !" she murmured.
"Miss Powelson-Irenew the youn
man exclaimed, choking down a larg
and expansive lump of rising sighs, il
my heart there is spare room sacredl
set apart for you"
"Only one, Mr.. Haybenslaw?" sh
asked dreamily.
"Do not mock me, Irene Powelson!
shall be a whole suite, if you like. Nor
than that You shall have the entir
premises if you'll only say so, and if tina
isn't enough we'll tear down and built
bigger"
"This spare room-this suite of rooms
Arthur" said the maiden, softly, "tha
you are speaking of-how-how are they
furnishedY
'In first-class modern style, Irene,
replied the young man, with business
like ring in his voice. "Uncle Bullion
died last week."
"Say no more, Arthur, whispered thu
lovely girl, as she pillowed her ricf
blond head on the young mans heart ant
listened to the wild thump! thump! tina
resounded through its spare chambers
'Tll take them p'-[ Chicago Tribune.
CAUTIOUS INVESTOR.
, 'I can see profit on what | hav
bought so far, said an investor who hat
| opOnI bIlC tllti tliNihSS dbouu VI
country with a real estate man, and wht
had bought n number of tracts of goot
land near a booming city; "but wha
could man raise on that?" They haC
pulled up in front of piece of land 81
stony that it looked as though it woulC
take months work with dynamite t.
clear it,
"Raise on It'll" said the real estate
man. "Why, he can raise on the mex
man that comes. VI New York Sun.
A PARADOX.
Sanso-Baseball men are paradoxica
fellows.
Rodd-Why do you say so2
Sanso-When they are striking they
are in and when they strike they are
out.
ANOTHER HoRRoRl
A seedy old tramp at Cape May,
Turned in for a snooze in the hay,
But his nose, being bright,
Caused the hay to ignite,
And there was the Dickens to pay
BULLS REASON.