The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1890-11-06
PuNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

PuNoENT PARAGRAPHS.
1t seems to be easier to DO : N..
poleon Of Finance than 70 pay 100 cents
on dollar Lewiston journal.
(Which side did tho old maid take
in the marriage discussion? ?" That mar
riage is not failure. Yankee Blade.
man who runs his boots down
at the heel has hard time keeping his
toes square with the world. -Ram's
Horn. &
Pat you must be older than you
look to be. How long have you been
voting?" .'Iver since the polls opened
this marning, be gobs!"-Epoch.
-Clara--''I think Fred is ono OF the
most weakened fellows ever met "
Nellie (Fred's best girD-''I don't think
50. He holds me we'll enough. boston
Herald. r..
The Modern Great Man. -"When
were you born, Prot. Greathead." 1.-THE
18th day OF May, 1882 or SO - am not
sure; but you will ind it in tho encyclo-
paedia. "-Flienende Blatter. ~.
s:-Alice-"Why. Edith, is that you?"
What pretty bonnet you have on!''
Edith-"Do you think l look we'll III
it?' Alice-"Yes, indeed-I hardly
knew you."-Munsey's Weekly.
Physician Ito country editor) -
"Your pulse is decidedly better. How
about your circulation?" Country Edi-
tor (absent mindedly) 'Circulation?
hnuk %houoo-S
price. 81. so per year. Bazaar.
-'You don't know what a phenome-
non is? Why. a COW is no phenomenon
and an apple tree is not phenomenon
either, but il the COW should climb the
apple-tree, that would be q phenome-
non" -Fliegende Batter.
-Bjohnson-"Have YOU bought .
ticket to the church fair?" Bones
mot yet; but speaking of church fairs,
what an awful highway robbery that
was in Arizona, yesterday."-Lawrence
American.
-Roader-"Yes, I liked your new
novel very we'll; but observe the
critics do not find your characters nat
ural." Novelist-'''I made those char
acters up out OF my own head" Reader
All! see the critics think they are
rather wooden. "-America.
Practical Dame - "How much are
these f1sh?" Marketman "Sixteen
cents a pound, ma'am." Practical Dame
--"That seems very high. but then,
know fishing is very hard on the consti-
tuition. Every time my husband goes
he has an awful headache the next
morning. Good News
Employment Agent-''Th' top O. tn
mornin' t We, Biddy Maloney. Owe
found place fur ye. Go to the strate
an number ye foind on this card. "
Domestic-''Sure, it's a nciceaneighbor-
hood, Oi'll 60" Agent-Wait minute,
Biddy. Take of that French cap. It's
not French maid. but an American
gurl they wants. IN. Y. Weekly.
Awful, indeed!-Mrs. Kawler--'I'm
sorry that your husband was caught and
sent to prison for his embezzlement OF
the banks funds" Mrs. Ab-Sconder -
Eyes, and tho worst of it was that in
court they put him right into tho same
pen with all the cheap, petty thieves.
So degrading to man who stole 800,
The Importance of thinking before
you speak recently received an amusing
Illustration at meeting held in WE'LL
known town not a hundred miles from
the banks Of the Hudson. One of the
persons who occupied the stage was an
enthusiastic deacon, who frequently in
terrupted the speakers by yelling:
THANK goodness for that'' One gen.
tleman was called upon who arose and
said: Ladies and gentlemen, / am
heart and soul in this cause, and feel
that it would be a great benefit to the
people Of this place." Thank goodness
for that!" yelled the deacon. '.But,
ladies and gentlemen" he continued,
IL am going to say that it will be impos-
sible for me to address you this evening
-" "Thank good ness for that!" broke
In the absent-minded deacon, amidst
general laughter.-N. Y. Ledger.