West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-08-21
MR.. AND MRS. BOwsER.
The latter Tells How the Former
Moved the Hall Coal Stove.

I4@SJ IAN DlT. DOWSer puVa DaSe our
ner in the front hall to keep it at
comfortable temperature during the
winter, and when the spring came
nothing was said about moving the
stove. 1t was not in the way. We
had no place to move it TO and when
summer came without Mr.. Bowser
having SAID anything about remo-
wal l felt perfectly assured that he
would leave that stove alone. Great
was my CONSERVATION, therefore,
when he suddenly observed the 9TH
or evening as we roasted on the
front steps:
"Wcll, well, but how absent min
'ded / have becomel Why didn't
you call my attention to the fact
that that coal stove had not been
moved out Of the hall?"
"Becase it is to be left there"
scNot muchl People must have
thought us a queer family to have it
there as long as we have"
:" Mr.. Bowser, that stove is not
In the way, and it is notan eyesore.
Besides we have no place to store
it"
f'1t goes to the barn of course
''Mr. Bowser, you can no more
move that stove than / can fly"
Can't 1? can do it with one
hand tied behind me, and I'll 90
right at it,
"Mr. Bowser, remember that
protest.
Certainly. You are the great
American protester, anyway. If l
killed fly you'd protest"
went back to the steps, know
ing we'll what would happen, but l
felt that ! had done my duty.
heard him fusSing around for a.
while, and then he muttered:
"She's purity hefty, but she's got
to come out o. this"
Ten seconds later there was
wild whoop, and when got INTO
the hall Mr.. Bowser stood on one
foot and was shaking the other in
the air, while the top of the stove
lay on the floor. He had pulled it
of at the first grab.
"Thunder-and blazes-and Je-
whittaker-and Texas and Je-
mimal"he was yelling as he waved
his foot aloft.
"Didn't / tell your" l queried,
as ] looked at him.
"No! Never! You never said
word-not wordp'
'Now, will you let that stove a
lone?"
"'No! I'll take it out Of here if l
die for itl''
"Mr. Bowser, this pig headed
obstinacy of yours will surley lead
to-
"None Of the Boyser family were
ever yet downed by coal stove, and
it's too late to begin now"
Another man would have remov-
ed the legs first. lie didn't think
of it but undertook to move the
stove as one moves Darrell stand
ing on end. He had progressed
about five feet when there was
sound which frightened the whole
neighborhood.
Ny first impression was that the
ginger ale factory in the alley had
exploded and driven our barn up
against the kitchen. My next was
that a British gunboat had slipped
around from the Behrng sea and
dropped a 40O-pound she'll on the
roof Of our house TO offset Mr.. Bow
ser 3 assertions that we we're the
greatest fighting nation on earth.
knew what bad happened. So
did the cook. So did the neighbors.
II was q minute before ] could
move, and / was flying indoors
when ! heard Mr.. Bowsor utter q
strange sound-something between
the last roar Of dying hon and the
plaiuliye moan Of COW for her lost
calf. ] couldn't sec him at first. 70
was all stove, and the stove was on
top Of him. Between my screams
aud the cooks wo'got a ncighbor In,
and the three Of us lifted up The
stove and dragged Mr.. Bower out.
got the doctor up. No bones were
broken, but Bowger had collapsed,
Ike an old barrel. and every square
inch Of bim was bruised and pound
cd. 10 was long after midnight be-