Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-13


harmony during practicing hour. 80 the
chill dren go from bad to worse, musically speak
ing, and when they are put into the hands OF
good teacher have to begin over again. Waten
them at practice, quizz them occasionally ana
above all see that their teacher knows some
thing. Would 1t be a bad idea to compel all
music teachers to pass examinationsf Let
| somebody think it over.
OLD Monongahela. thy name is Mud
THE only thing Chauncey M. Depew will not
talk about is the Central strike.
DEATH is always grinning over the shoulder
of the man behind the prescription counter.
If Pittsburg possessed hall capable of seat
ing a large congregation she. could capture
some of the big gatherings which other towns
reach out for. The Carnegie Library folK
should keep this in mind while supervising the
plans. Don't be 'niggardly about the dimen-
sions, Messrs. Commissioners.
COLD cream gives girls milky complexion.
THE French adventures who are going to
hunt for the North Pole in balloon will GER
ralnly have an ice time.
IT is needless to remark that dressmakers
and milliners are up to their eyes in business
THE girl and the boy from the country. in
Guiding Washington and Butler counties, Is
coming to town. Their sun-burned. healthy
and happy faces would look better If they
would not MUNICH peanuts.
IF all chickens were ducks hens would surely
swim.
SHE was inspecting the furs displayed in one
of the e xposition exhibits and had glued her
eyes to the seal skin sacque fitting none too
we'll the frame of the model, which, instead OF
standing, was doubled up in a commodious
chair. Of course she thought it was dummy
with a wax face. After calculating the cost OF
the furry fnery she sighed deep sigh and
turned away with the remark, "Oh. what hor-
rid representation of a woman! Such figure
should never have been chosen to show of
such pretty sackr' She looked backward and
met the fiaring eyes of the model, which stood
beside the rail trembling with anger. They do
not speak as they pass by. Morals Never
think aloud.
THE man who worms himself into society Is
apt to be trod upon.
THE cowcatchers on the locomotives are
catching ties nowadays
THE man on the fence and the colored indi-
Sluuhl III buo HOOupuo dE0 dnuOIluR buo poA-
ticians North and South this year.
FROM the clipper way in which DIR. Depew is
announcing that he has Just landed it is safe to
infer that he did not give up anything to the
frisky dolphins of the deep.
BUYING oysters to get pearl is like pur-
chasing a lottery ticket to secure the first
prize.
THE weather isa regular old soak.
IF you saw the same faces every day, life
would be featureless.
A DEAD tree casts as long q shadow as the
one in full bloom, and the fellow who smokes
cigarettes and bangs his hair takes up just as
much room on the earth as the man who smokes
tobies and parts his hair on the side.
The advertisement announcing the appear,
ance of Messrs. Delamater ct. al. at the Opera
House says: "An Republicans are earnestly
requested to turn out and hear the great issues
of the campaign discussed" Why, my dear
managers. do you not invite the D emocratic
sinner to partake Of the feast of campaign
reasonr How do you expect to help your
cause by arguing the issues with you1 own
kindf Or are you simply fishing for the fel-
lows who are wabbling on the fence?
WHEN the rain falls the rivers roar.
THE Delamater combination does not seem
to be drawing heavy houses in the grand old
State of Allegheny. But, then, this is an of
year.
GREEN doctors make fat graveyards.
PEOPLE who have just returned from Europe
and suffering on a rolling ship must feel
squeamish when they ride few blocks on an
electric car.
IF you tickle woman's fancy she Will smile.
If you tickle her vanity she will laugh all over.
WHISPERS are drawing room wasps.
IT is rumored that the turnstIles at the base
ball parks make figures lie. Why not photo
graph the groups on the grand stand and the
bleachertes2 The camera is fatterer, but it
will count noses correctly.
A SOCIETY writer says Mrs. William Astor
perfumes her note paper This is a waste of
the Astor millions. ALI note paper is sent, you
know.
You curb your temper when you bride your
tongue.
INDIAN summer and pumpkin pies are
among the luxuries on the aut umn schedule.
Two New Yorkers decided to divide hotel
expenses by agreeing that one pay the bills the
other tip the servants. The tipster got the
worst OF the bargain. to be sure.
THE firt breaks match when she fires the
fellow.
THE man who borrows telephone and then
kicks about the beastly bad service belongs to
the same class as the fellow who borrows the
morning newspaper and swears there is moth
ing readable in it.
EDIsoN's speaking doll will probably fill a
great society need. They can be loaded with
the Lords Prayer, and the poor little pampered
pets of the plush parlors will not be obliged to
say it any more.
A NEW YORK set indulges In cigarette airta-
tions. They will end in smoke or the ceme-
terry.
A TRANSITION period Is always a painful
one Many girls wear out their old clothes be-
tween the last summer day and the end OF
autumn and what they must suffer is sad to
contemplate.
A SHIP can break record without str aiming
a bolt,
You can buy chickens in coops, buf never
buy pig in poke,