Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-08-23
PUIEY PRESCRIPTIONS.
WHAT PEEP AT A DRUG CLERKS
ALBUM REVEALED.
Some Laughable Exhibitions of Igno.
rance-Mrs- Malaprop and Mrs. Part
ington Find Rivals.
From the San Francisco Chronicle.l

From the San Francisco Chronicie.l
"This is my album" said South Side
drug clerk as he opened well-worn vol
ume in which were pasted what looked at
first like choice collection of autographs
of illiterate persons
Closer examination showed that they
were mostly intended to assist the pre-
scription clerk in supplying the wants of
matrons in Tar Flat and the vicinity, the
messengers being usually 7-year-old girl
or promising boy who knew more about
frecrackers and jackstones than orthog-
raphy or materia medica No humorist,
however gifted, could have 'faked' or
imagined anything racier than the SPELL
ing and style of some OF these lay pre-
scriptions.
@You need not Gull them out; they are
all good" said the drug clerk airily, as he
called off the first batch:
Q)-5 cents worth OF ground bitter always.
(2)-Ruesh Shell Sauce.
When the reporter had recovered his
gravity for the time being he recognized
that No. 2 called for an unknown quantity
of Rochelle salts. The "alaways" brought
to his mind poor Robert Burns and Allo-
way Kirk, but it was finally agreed that
the article wanted was "carraways."
No. was brief and to the point:
Pleas give this Boy Box of DR.. Hooper's fee
male pills.
The reporter could not learn whether
lowed the whole box according to direc-
tions The next cutting called for
2oz. america,
l or. cedar oil.
1t was not stated whether the america
presumably arnica) was for internal or
external use, but the whole dose, if taken
Immediately, could scarcely have dis
agreed with the patient more severely
than the next one:
10 cents faxseed,
10 camfer OIL
cents postel cards,
Billy doener plaster.
The drug clerks eyes snapped merrily
as the reporter sank into a chair in an
agony of laughter Then he read off the
next with the imperturbable, monotonous
chant of a criminal Court clerk calling off
list of trial jurors
pleas send me 10 cents wurth of parrigorick
and send me how many drops to give baby
14l5 months old and if it is good for a diarea.
Castor oil and pulverized alum were
called for as under:
Caster oyll.
Pulviorized album.
The next requirement was deciphered to
mean bottle of a popular patent medi-
cine:
A sampel bottel of DO she cough syrup.
The clerk admitted that he had been I'M
able to fill the following prescription ac-
cording to the text:
letice plaster, glicerine or vaseline CSC
syrup OF skulls for cough Tor child years
old Schenicks seaweed tonig. Sagret bark,
15c.
The next proved very amusing:
10 cents prepared german hquorice powder for
ca thartic.
Perregarik.
cents venous of turkumtime.
The paregoric was by this time famil-
lar subject under any disguise, but it was
not so easy to identify the Venice turpen-
tine. The next was what Richard Swivel
Ter would have emphatically pronounced
"a staggerer::"
10 cents bitter ollows for weining baby.
The object of the bitter aloes probably
led the drug clerk to the Interpretation,
or was mercifullv intended to do SO. But
there was nothing but inner consciousness
to guide him in labelling and directing,
collectively or separately, the following
cents Sepa and Soils.
10 cents Carbolic Soda.
cents worth of postic STAMPS.
10 cents black draft.
The proud mother of the youthful San
Franciscan who was sent for the subjoined
prescription probably intended the expert
ment to be reserved till he had reached
home, but she did not say so:
Pleas Civ this Boy cents
salse and slnney.
l powder of calomel
and jollup.
10 cents Rushell salse
pleas change the medicin
you gave him.
The next was probably intended to re-
lieve the pain of burn:
Ointmint balsum of
fur rushian sal
suffer hog larg
But here is something very good, and
which will tax the ingenuity of the most
confirmed enigma fend. 1t is given YER
batim ct literatim, without alteration or
transportation:
l Phorus Plaster
Coporas cents
Sal Soda cents for
Backing.
The next was probably intended to be
administered, as written, on the install
ment plan:
Lack toe peptine.
There is something of the suggestion OF
a Midsummer Nights Dream" about the
succeeding prescription;
10 cents sweet spirtes of
nighter
10 cents sticken and
healen plaster,
10 cents brimstum.
This patient had probably a sore throat,
but seems TO have been prescribed for on
general principles
Chloriad of potash for gargle.
10 cents OF Anna seed.
Friers bslsum, 10 cents.
Citrate of Msgania.
The opponents of medical women would
probably contend that they are furnished
with an unanswerable argument in the
following prescription, written by wo-
man, apparently of fair education:
Ask the druggist
Il pkg Boneset sc.
use "A
/ OF Slippery Elm.
Thick Licquorice
l Table spoon of
Flaxseed.
use as directed.
The directions do not appear, neither
does it appear how such prescription
could be compounded. But the average
drug clerk is supposed to be something of
n ,,,,,,d ~oa1ar &c ,ral1 Ofharuico ho could