Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-06-12
SPARKS OF WIT.
Ar American biz-mark-S.

Ar American biz-mark-$.
A SLOW match-four years of court
ship.
ARTISTS are generally designing crea-
lures.
PASSING away time-handiag over
your watch to highwayman.
AN educated hog-the college profess
sor who spits tobacco juice on the
floor.
HoUsEKEEPER wants to know wheth-
er bakery couldn't properly be classed
a apie-plant.
IT'S funny that blind boy can't even
see his father, although the old man is
always parent to him.
"ODD how this chilly weather affects
me; have goosefesh all over me-"
"Oh, that's quite natural"
WHAT do you find is the first requi-
site in business ?" "Pluck," returned
the dealer in live-goose feathers.
JAoK-This silver watch has cost me
over eighty dollars. John--You must
have pawned it good many times.
"LET me give you pointer" as the
small boy said when he carefully ad-
justed o pin in the school teachers
chair
FATHER-Now, tell me, George, how
are you getting along lifting the mort
age on your city property? George
Well, it's higher than it was.
AN American liar writes that onions
are so strong down in his district that
if placed in the cellar for any length of
time they will lift the mortgage off the
house.
Mrs. CHATTY-If there is anything I
do hate, it's tattler. Now, only this
morning 1 heard that Mrs. Mr..
Chatty (raising his hand Now, don't.
hate tattling, too!
"YoU look sick. What is the matter?"
asked Nobbs of Dobbs at the poker
table, and Dobbs, who had just drawn
the deuce of clubs to four hearts, feebly
gasped, "He art failure"
HAL BoRINUE--I never see you at
the play now. Jack Bloodgood- I
don't go to the theater much now. I
prefer to stay at home. 81 suppose you
think there's no plays like home"
Mr.. JOKER see by the paper that
old Fishkin, who was in the glue bust
ness, has gone up. How unfortunate |!
Is it very heavy failure? Mr.. Joker
Yes. Everybody was badly stuck.
CLARA's mother (calling)-Clara, Mr..
Smithers is in the parlor and says he
wants you. Clara (entering the par
lor and throwing herself into Smithers'
srms)-Oh, Charlie this is so sudden.
EASTERN farmer (contemptuously-
Catch me going West, where you have
neither coal nor wood. Mighty incon-
yenient burning corn for fuel, isn't it?
Western farmer Well, yes, it is,
rather. The ears is so big we can't git
'em in the stove.
Two BUSY doctors meet and speak of
the influenza. "You must have plenty
of work." says one. "Don't speak of it,"
replies the other. 81 am absolutely
played out. The patients are killing
their doctors at present. Revenge is
sweet" the other retorts.
The sweet innocent children were
playing house. Mamma and papa,
scarce less innocent, were Watching
them. "I'll be papa" said little Bob
"Pll be mammal" cried Alice. "And
I'll be new nurse" broke in Effie; "and
when you try to kiss me, Bobbie, I'll
scratch your face and say I'll tell
mamma" Tableau.
A PROPOSAL.
Dear Phillis, will you share my lot2
Qt's not corner lot, It's trueD
And yet methinks that any spot
Would be paradise with you.
very much admire your face,
And yet do not face you now;
fear to lose my wonted grace
In breathing forth lovers VOW.
The grace" is what I'd have you grant,
o matchless maid divinityi
Abjure those mournful words, II can't"
And send tender "yes" to mel
Detroit Free Press.