Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1890-01-24
AN UNDERTAKINGS TALK.
Some Experiences of the Men Who
Bury Us.

Hard Work to Coax People to be sfoderat,
In Expenditnres--i LAmcntable Oc-
casion When the Remains
Were Mixed Up.
"As a rule, ~ said well-known Fourth
avenue undertaken recently, there Is
no occasion when man feels so liberal
in fact. so reckless regarding the ex-
penditure OF money-as when he is run
ming up the expenses OF a hrst-class
funeral, and it requires good deal OF
tact and strategy to keep him within
bounds and protect ourselves from loss.
When the customer is wealthy and can
stand it, why naturally we are inclined
to humor every within, and sometimes
where carte blanche is given us we do
the job up in manner which really
makes it pleasure to be the star at
traction of funeral. However, all OF
our customers do not possess o healthy
bank account, and We have TO look out
and see that we do not get hung up
Not long since q charming widow
came into our place to mako arrange
ments for tho funeral OF her husband.
She was heavily vailed, and she sobbed
| In n distressing manner as she took q
chair and proceeded to make known her
wants. She detailed the story Of her
husbands illness and its fatal termina-
ton, and wound up by stating that
his funeral must BIO the most i'm
posing and elaborate that could be got
ten up. Nothing We had In the estab-
lishmont could be any too good. BY
few carefuily-directed questions we as
contained the age OF the deceased, his
size, stature, and also the all-important
fact that he had left his widow and fam
lily in very moderate circumstances. As
soon as our customer could compose her
self one OF our clerks was detailed to
show her what we had, with the quiet
ACCOMPLISHMENT that her bill should not
exceed $3.50 Various styles Of oeskets
wero shown her. and Us she had some
what recovered her spirits she kept up
a running fire OF questions and sugges-
TONS Finally, as she was about to de-
eide upon I, casket which the clerk had
suggested as most appropriate, she hap
pened TO espy in another part of the
warerooms several most elaborate and
costly burial cases, which she insisted
upon looking at. In vain did the clerk
endeavor TO divert her attention from
them. Those oaskets, lnado In mahog-
any, ebony and other costly woods,
wero trimmed with silks, sGtins and |
laces OF the richest kind, and were orna-
mented with solid silver and gold |
mountings, and were the finest goods we |
kept. Compared with them the goods |
which She had been looking at seemed |
cheap, and she wasn't slow in detecting |
the difference. The clerk shut her off |
on several of them by stating that they
were sold, and that it would be impossi-
Bile to duplicate them in season for the |
funeral. However, the bereaved widow |
couldn't DO made to swallow all this
fiction, and finally she ordered an eiab-
orato affair, the price Of which was just
seven hundred dollars. Having COM
plctod her selection, she gave her orders
for enibalming, flowers, carriages and
tho other details. AT last, when she |
bad ordered every thing she could think !
Of, she started TO leave, whereupon the |
clork politely requested her to step into
the office whilo he had the bill made up,
intending to ask her TO pay certain
percentage Of 1t, or at least to give sat
isfactory references. At the word bill" |
she flew into a passion. "Bill," she
didn't care what the bill was; that would |
be settled at the proper time. The poor
clerk triod to explain, but that only in
creased hor anger. She called The clerk
all sorts OF hard names, accused him Of
lack OF feeling, and finally founced
out OF the door, and as q parting shot
said: 'My husband shall have the best
funeral that ever took place In the
neighborhood, even II have to take in
washing to pay for it."
1--WE have many experiences similar |
to that, but in the majority OF cases our
customers are very reasonable and we
have no difficulty in persunding them TO
detor their judgment to ours. We much
prefer TO deal with men on such occa-
sions, as they are less moved by senti-
mont and arc more practical and sensi-
BILE. We always strongly advise that
the funeral arrangements be left to
some male relative or friend OF the fam
lily; bereavcd woman Is In no condi-
ton to tran0act such business.
about a month ago wc wero called
upon TO offlciate at the funeral OF beau
tiful young woman, tho only daughter
Of wealthy parents. who had died quito
suddenly. Tho grief OF the stricken IA
Their and mothor was quiet and undem-
onstrativc. yot, nevertheless, of the
deepest nature. The father was so pros
trated TINT he couldn't bear the thought
OF entering our warerooms to mako any
selections; he merely sent for me to call
at his house and tn On quietly requested
me TO make all necessary arrangements
for the funeral, and, handing me blank
check with his signature attached, babe
me fill 1t out myself.
Occasionally We receive orders fol
persons who are alive and we'll, and
whose chances of living to ripe old
age are apparently as good as yours or
mine. Some Of those customers have
thor caskets sont to their homes.
Others prefer to leave them with US,
and we have on hand now three OF them
waiting for thoir future occupants. Ono
OF them was built to order for a fat,
jolly stock broker who is in bust.
moss on Nassau street. Occasionally he
calls around to take look at 1t, and
generally he taken of his boots and in.
sists on getting into IT, viewing himself
with hand glass to see how be will
look when he is laid out We have had
this csslfet ready for him for three
years. and tho last time he called he
found that be was growing so fat that II
was getting to be pretty tight a. for
him; hc Is considering the adylssbility
,f having new one made Occasional
~ too. we receive an order from people
who are very sick and expect to die,
but who get we'll. They pay US for tho
caslet just tho same, and as they some-
times move out of town to some other
city we sell the goods to somebody else.
and are just SO much in. This is not a
frequent occurrence, but 1t helps little