St. Paul daily globe., 1890-02-02
SAINT PAUL.
GOOD SHORT STORIES.

Maj. Jack Ahern, of the municipal
court, is a great practical joker. No
one enjoys joke better than he-wheD
it's on the other fellow. When it's ON
the major-well, that's different, and it
isn't half as funny. Several of the
major'S victims put up job' OH him
on the evening of the Irish-Am merican
club banquet. The major was there in
all his glory, white tie, gig-tail, etc, etc.
These wagS induced the major to take
little walk around the corner to the
olympic. There piece of limburger
cheese was conveyed beneath the sweat
band of his hat. The major returned to
the Ryan, He noticed every lady was
anxious to keep him quite distance
away. He couldn't understand it,
for ordinarily everybody is ready to lis
ten to his funny stories. Finally ne
dOffed his chapeau and prepared to
whirl about in the misty dance. Now,
the major is graceful dancer, ergo
desirable partner. but the ladies who had
vacant numbers on their programmes
wouldn't dance with him. He felt some
thing was wrong, but couldn't inn
agine what it was. At last friend eX-
planned to him that there was an un-
pleasant Odor about him, and it was To-
Gated about his hair. Investigation re-
Vealed the piece of limburger in the in
terror of his hat. The major was mad,
exceedingly mad; but he wasn't to be
outdone. He went down to the drug
store in the hotel, procured q quantity
of bergamot and soaked his head in it.
Then he returned TO the dancing floor
and managed to have fairly good time
that is, as good time as man could
have with bergamot in his hair.
"
A certain senator of Minnesota, now
visiting in st. Paul, has son twelve
years old who, if he has half chance,
will one day become an ornament to
society. Just now, however, he is adj
dicted to occasional bursts of profanity.
which his father has In vain attempted
to check. The other night the senator
took friend home TO dinner, not know
ing that the said friend was strict
vegetarian. So when the senator asked
his friend TO have some chicken broth
ii was refused, and SO with the turke V.
When the mince pie was brought on
and declined with thanks by the sena-
tors friend, the boy, who had watched
the proceedings with a great deal of
awe, not unmiXed with contempt, could
stand it no longer, but cried out: PA.
ask the id fool if he'd suck an egg"
NJ. j. Costello, who ''doeS the heavy"
on the Dispatch had a rather unpleasant
experience an evening or two ago. MIR.
Costello occasionally is wont to vary the
mOnotony of writing editorial essays by
going to the theater; but only OCCASION
ally. 1t is not to be thought from this
that Mr.. Costello is sombre and solemn
in cast. For he isn't. He's right royal
good fellow and enjoys a congenial
companion or anything light and airy
and effervescent as we'll as any person.
He invited two ladies to accompany him
to Harris to see Lillian Lewis, but neg
lected TO procure tickets during the day.
He telephoned the box office about 6 D.
m, They said they didn't know the edi-
tor of the Dispatch, but would recognize
him, they guessed. AS precaution airy
measure, MIR. Costello procured an order
from Mr. Thompson, asking for seats
for his editor. Armed with this, Mr..
Costello presented himself, with two
ladies', at Harris in the evening and
called for seats, ''Who are you?" was
the suspicious query from the wicket
window. Mr.. Costello explained. "Who
Is George Thompson?" Mr.. Costello
explained again. 1--WE don't know
prietor of the Dispatch and maybe he
isn't" Mr.. Costello's Celtic blood be-
gan to assert itself, and he resorted to
the use of French, of which he is a
master. But he couldn't convince the
theater people that he wasn't working
a racket upon them. Finally he indig-
nantly departed and presenting himself
at the Newmarket, was ushered up with
out question. Mr.. Costello laughs at
the circumstance now, but he didn't
laugh that evening, and has no desire
to repeat the experience.