Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1890-10-01
TALK OE THE DAY.
When a woman wants the earth, II
IS with view OF giving it to some
man.

Is Win view Oh giving IL 10 some
man.
These days one does not need to join
secret society in order to get the
grip.
man who itches for fame mus,
scratch around lively to secure it
Epoch.
Miss Chestnut-''Did you sit under
the mistletoe?" Miss Walnut din
MT have to. ."
A young man whose girl went back
on him says that he sufferes from
heart failure
The king of Sim has just married
twenty new wives-and yet people talk
about Siam ease.
Patti has one thing in common with
the Chicago girl-sbe can spread her
self over a large aria.
Quizzler-''What are you doing
now?" Scribbler-.1 am writing Sem :
ator Boobies autobiography"
Family Pride.-Little Elsie Euder-
cott (of Boston, Mamma, when you
get to heaven won't you be an Ender-
colt again?"
She's as sweet as sugar" Adult
Grated sugar?'' No. Why?" ..Oh,
v
complexion"
''Gollyr' gasped little Johnny as no
finished the second crock of stolen
smoking pas pipe"
"You say that both duellists fell
dead" Yes" Great heavens!
What were the weapons used?" The
American toy pistol"
He got the quarter.-"If 1 give yoL
cent, Bobbie. what would you do
with it?" I'D buy postal card ana
write to you for a quarter"
When you see a man who kisses his
children in public. you may be pretty
sure that he keeps the seats of their
pantaloons well busted at home.
1t is said that the grippe microbs
clings tenaciously 10 paper money.
People should. therefore, handle it with
the greatest caution, particularly 81, 900
bills.
She Knew 1t Was Coming. He Cat
the balD-"Do you know L have de-
cided never TO get married." She
(hastily) US go into the con
servatory."
just Playing Mr. Jack Diamond
.'You hardly look on your marriage as
serious thing" Mrs. JACK Diamond
why, how could it be serious or
81 800 year?"
Ignorance Gained by Experience -
What does a man know about a wo-
mans dress. anyway" scorEfully ask,
ed Mrs. b. He knows where the
pocket isn't, was Mr.. BIS reply.
Mrs. Winks-''So you have taken
another companion for better or for
worse. eh?" Mrs. SecOndtrip-"
for better, my dear. He can't possible
be worse than the other one was
Fame may be ornamental. but II
| isn't much use to the man who has 10
hustle seventeen hours out OF the twen-
ty-four for his daily bread, with pie
never any nearer than the horizon
some fashionable young men wear
| two pins in the necktie. 1t Is to be
hoped the pretty girls will not adop,
the fashion of wearing two pins in the
belt One often causes trouble enough.
Tho funniect thing in the career ol
the carousinG cat is when he sits on 8
back fence placidly watching a wO
nan trying to come within sevcra
miles OF him with a job lot OF brio u
brac.
A Temporary Gap in Society. .-Firs;
| Newsboy-"Are yer goin' to de ball
dis eve?'' Second Newsboy Nav.
Me tailor forgot ter put handkerchief
pocket in me dresscoat and had ter
send it back"
Incongruous Hopes. Mr.. Bascom-
DO you know what Silas Slick ex-
poets to be after he graduates from
college?" Mrs Backlot-"WaI, I've
heern that he has sanguinary hopes OF
bein' a missionary.
A boy with future. Tommy
said a Chicago youngsters mother
there is a great big blot on you
copy book. NO, mamma, you're mis-
taken. That's only a period. Our
teacher is awfully nearsighted.
| She (Boston) Have you ever at
tempted dephlogisticate the ecphratiC
immiscibility of the pneumatologica
righteousness involved in the
myrioramic protoplasm?" Howell,
not exactly. But I've eaten scrapple. ST
Needed Regulation.-Mr. Soaker-'.
see that the pOstmaster-generaI hope.
to regulate The mails" Mrs. 5. (whC
was awake when he came home at 3
a. m. )-"Well. he may well expend
some of his efforts about this localityi'
Rescuer Ito beautiful rescued) Il
see you are fair and bewitching, but [
can WOO and win you. | am married -
Rescued but. George, it is [, your
own wife" George - "Pshaw!
/ never did have a real romance in M
life"
Question of Woman's Sphere. Do
mestic mani pity Patti. She
would be much happier at home with
little children about her" Practical
friend-"But think of her singing a
baby to sleep with a s., 600 night
voice"
Physician Ito Mrs. Col. Blood. o.
Kentucky How did your husband
pass the night. Mrs. Blood?" Mrs
Blood-''He seemed quite comfortable
sir, and asked for water several
! times" Physician (with a grave look)
III m-still fiighty."
Mrs. Bobby, yOu bad boy,
: have you been fighting with Tommy
! Slimson again? Dear, dear! l shall
have TO get you a new suit" Bobby
That's nothing, ma. You ought t.
see Tommy Slimson. His ma may
have TO get her a new boy"
Most women have.-Caller-" How
old is your sister, Johnlie?n Johnnie
Belle? o, she has two ages. One
in the Bible; that's "a; the other il the
one she tells people-2O." Belle Csud.
denly appearing with terrible empha-
! sis)-''Johnnie, mother wants to speak
to you"