The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1890-11-29
PUNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

-1lies-Wh hat does Brown do with
oil tho money he makes in that
scheme?" Merritt-"Loses it in an
other scheme. -Harper's Bazaar.
The Qualiflcation.-First Tradesman
lis he gentleman?" Second Trades
MAXWELL, suppose So He doesn't
pay his debts until you make him do
"-Munsey's Weekly.
Contributor - 81 have an article
here concerning the benefits of advertis-
ing. which L" Editor (eagerly)-
Yes. sir, we'll examine it with pleas
ure. "-Yankce Blade.
we have decided that baby looks
like Uncle Joseph " said tho happy
mamma. "Why, Joseph Harris is as
ugly as mud fence" Eyes, but he is
worth $1,000, oOo."-N. Y. Sun.
Particular Citizen-"These new red
stamps are not as adhesive as they
ought to be-" Postal OGicial-"I guess
you never tried carrying sheet of them
in your pocket on a hot day."-N. Y.
Weekly.
George, dear, what do you
think our happiness is chiefly depend
emit upon?" He las his arm steals about
her willowy waist)-"Upon our sur
roundings, sweet" = Burlington FREQ
Press.
II suppose, Somberlin, that you
often entertain your friends by reading
your jokes to Them Friends? Alas,
l have none. They all left mo when
took to writing jokes. Yankee Blade.
Mrs. Larkin (rcading)-"M Nc
Gill, OF Salt Lake City, found SIS gold
piece in the crop of chicken she was
dressing for dinner" Larkin-"Now
look out for an English syndicate to buy
up all the chickens in the country
N. Y Sun.
-We notice that tho number Of
female cashiers i'll large establishments
is greatly on the increase. We suppose
the explanation of this is that they arc
either moro honest than men. or else
they can't run SO fast.-Ram's Horn.
New Assistant-''Yot fer We always
give that there woman full weight?"
lceman-"Cause She ain'trespectable. 3"
Assistant-"Eh!" Iceman-"Shes one
O. tn low down kind that 'ud grab up a
light weight lump an run right out
inter tn public street, an make us
weigh it over agin. Good News.
-Loiterer lat railway station "Why
does that boy set up yell every time a
locomotive whistle blows?" Small Bow
Hos tryin' ter see if hos got voice
enough to drown tn noise of tn en-
gine." Loiterer-"What for?" Small
Boy-"He wants ter find out if he's
adapted fer selling papers. IN. Y.
Weekly.
--He-"Iow have you been enjoying
yourself, Miss Esmerelda?" She-"I
have never enjoyed myself so much as at
this very moment. 1t is so delightful to
be alone, absolutely alone, in perfect
solitude by tho seaside" N. Bile
mentioned this little conversation to his
friends, and now they call him Perfect
Solitude. Texas Siftings.
but, Tom, dear, where is the big
trout you said you caught?" "Oh! that
ono! Why-yes, Of course well, I took
that trout, and it looked so good /
cooked it and alto it on the spot. And
speaking of eating, Maude. wish you'd
hurry up that dinner. l haven't had a
mouthful all day." And then Maude for
the first time doubted her husband s
veracity. IIarper's Bazaar.
The following advertisement is
taken from the Liverpool Daily Post:
WILL THE LADY WEARING SPECTA-
Giles, who. on Thursday evening the 9TH
phneton with groom behind, along Halawo ,od
Road. and INJURED a VALUABLE SADDLE
tiOlSSE by not taking her side Of the rond
kindly GET BETTER PAIR OF GLASSES
and IKE DRIVING LESSONS before She
ventures out again.