The Globe-republican., 1890-03-12
sURDEuE ON HOTELS.
Tho Humorist Delivers . Discourse O
the Doctrine Of Discomfort.

The Humorist Delivers q Discourse On
the Doctrine Of Discomfort.
Did you ever notice-of course you
have-the attention paid to the art OF
making hotel rooms systematically I'M
hOmelike and uncomfortable? l have
been observing it for thirteen years. l
suppose the object is to keep the guest
out of his room as much as possible, so
that he won't use the furniture, the soap
and towels. the gas or the lamp. In the
average country hotel-by that mean
hotel in town of 5000 or less-a
guest has to keep up a constant struggle
in order to occupy his room at all. While
he is at breakfast girl comes in, takes
away all the linen and losses the bed up
into volcanic bit of chaos, throws the
pillows on the lounge or sofa, If there be
one, hangs the bolster on the lone chair
or table, and takes away all the towel.
There is but one; use the word all out
of courtesy. The idea that anybody
washes his hands or face at any time dur
ing the day, save Immediately after ris-
ing, seems never to occur to some land
lords. Unless you raise row about it,
after the towel those toweD are Gs)
taken away during breakfast hour, no
more are (is) brought in until after sup
per: OF course you never use the soap
in cheap hotel, so the fact of its pres
ence or absence does not worry you, I'M
less you should want something to
sharpen your peu-knife on, and then a
cake OF cheap hotel soap rises to the sit
uatiOn. 1t beats an oil stone all to
pieces. And in hotel of what you may
call the third and often of the second
class, it is a part of the landlords
creed that no living man ever, ever,
ever wants to write letter in his own
room. A table is not part of the fur
niture. When it is it is either a good
saddler with a gentle canter, or ''sin-
gle footer' with gait like Kentucky
sand SITTER" and you have to hold it
with your knees when you try to write.
have quit using them. l take out a
bureau drawer, turn it upside down,
push it back in place about two inches,
and defying the landlord, have a table
it would break his heart to see.
But come to the frst-class hotels.
Now and then you get room with a
drop-light in it. You can then sit in
your own room in the evening and read.
But as rule there is no drop-light. The
bureau and mirror are on one side of the
room; heavy, rich, massive, no sparing
of expense. Now, it is just as easy to
have the long gas-jet close to the mir
ror. Then one can shave. see the part
ing of his hair and dress. But no:
either there is bracket-jet away over
on the other side of the room or a dim
chandelier hanging so high that
a man of my height has to stand
on chair to light it. And you
might just as we'll try to read by the
moon. And since the smaller towns
have got to using electric lights 1
have had time. The light in your
room is pear-shaped thing hanging on
the end of a string, from the center of
the ceiling. l chased the beggarly thing
all around the room some times before l
can get a grip on it and turn it on.
When it is turned on it is about two
candle power, and you can neither read
nor dress nor sit still and think by it.
The hotel bedroom is exclusively bed
room. It's good to sleep in and nothing
else. If there was any economy in maxi
ing it uncomfortable and inconvenient,
l wouldn't kick. But any man who has
ever travelled knows that the landlord
often goes to great expense of money
and trouble to arrange his bedrooms to
the greatest inconvenience of the guest
who may have an insane notion that he
would like to read and write in his own
room. Eagle.