The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1890-03-09
AD0NIRAM'S HAIR.

kinder snowy and kinder spirited lookin'-but
Adoniram he dotcsted Il. He was always
sayin' suthin' silly. like he'd give go fur 70
hev Il changed 30 black; and II any one hol-
Tered "Firon while he wus round he'd take
IL into bis head 'twus personal, and had 70
hold him by his coattails 20 keep him from
ilyin' 40 EN-. Once he did You see, he'd put
a cigar into his coat pocket without bcin
careful about putin 70 out, aDd he was
smokin' like a chimbly, 50 they told me, the
blue rings risin' right ovor his head, and
somebody says behind US:
"Hullo, young fellow you'll be in blaze,
next you known and that time the fiery natter
that belongs TO rel haired folks got the best Of
Adoniram and he wheeledaround like fash.
"None Of your insultin illusions" says he,
and hit out at him.
The stranger WIS n real big gentleman, and
his fists wus like hams and no doubled 'em
tight, and the next | knew Adoniram wus
sottin' on the PAWN stones lOokin' surprised,
and pcrlice came and investigated matters
When Adoniram found ont that he really
was afire-by this time bis linen coat was
blazin'-he apologized free and open hearted
70 the strange gentleman, and be took 10 quite
amiable and wanted Adouiram TO go and
drink suthin'o other AfDniram had o. beg
10 be excused, being a Prohibitoner. But
the gentleman wouldn't excuse him-hc took
il personal Dc should refuse-and 10 went 90
Adonirams head, and l had 70 pay man 20
take him home IN a wheelbarrer, his legs
hangin' over one side and his head the other.
That was in the days Of our honeymoon, and
ne couldn't be- blamed for H., havin' discovered
the strange gentleman WINS "A prize fighter bS
lerfession. and bcin' anxious, for my sake, -
live.
Well, Adoniram did not pick so many quar-
rels after that, but he grew kinder mollon
choly about b. Housed % say that he couldn't
expect me fur 20 be true 10 anybody with
scarlet hair, and II / talked 20 black haired
folks he got jealous. II WIS unreasonable Of
him. considorin' had told him 'twus his hair
i fust took notion 10. But men air onrea-
sonable. seems TO me, as q general thing. ]
suppose they air made So.
"Ef was 20 dye my hair, says Adoniram
20 me one day, don't you think I'd look
more kind Of pleasautN
"Snce YOU ask me- Adoniram,' says !, 81
must say. candid and serious, that my opin.
ion is you'd look like an idiot, and an idiot
cnrn't be pleasant 10 no well constituted
mind Moreover hey heerd that the nat
raj complexion agrees with the nat'ral hair
which is why old gentlemen and old ladies
with mahogany colored heads looks more old
erly and decrepid than them that lets 10 git
gray Besides says !, chair dyes is poisons,
and made OF lead and sulpher and such
things, and why should a man with fine
head Of gold red hair want % get rid Of itf'
Amanda Ann says he, his voice trem-
bin, III feel red hair 10 be a affection, and ef
there wus a bottle Of hair dye in the house at
present should use IT,"
He said this as we WIS walkin along the
high street shoppn' fur our Sunday yictuals,
and jest then a man a-standu' on the corner
stuck a sirkylar into his hand and another
into mine. It's nat'ral to read a sirkylar
when II is given 20 you, and as we walked
along arm in arm, the big marHt basket on
his elber, the little one on mine, we perused
them. This is what mine said:
M Magnolia, the celebrated electrician,
has at last discovered a hair dye free from
all tine obnoxious qualities all others possess.
Having prepared fluid for electric pur-
poses he by accident dropped some Of 10
upon his snowy locks, bleached by study and
devotion 10 science rather than by time.
Looking a little while afterward into the
glass, he became aware that where the fluid
had fallen his tresses had recovered the hue
of early youth. Instantly he applied it TO
his whole head and presented himself 70 his
wife, who burst into tears OF JOY, and tearing
oil her cap, cried Il, also, so desire TO be
young again. Subsequently this elderly
couple were mistaken for their granddaughter
and her husband by many relatives Friends
rushed 10 the studio Of NJ Magnolia, stran-
gers knelt % him imploring the secret, and at
last he has been persuaded 20 give 10 to the
world at the merely nominal price of s.
bottle. Your druggist keep it. Take no
other. All else is a delusion and a snare"
al want TO know if you ever didr says
Adoniram. "You know there can't be no
p'ison into electricity. reckon I'll get some
bottles"
eur all know it might 90 Off and act
like lightning some day" says ]. 81 might
come to meet you with lovin' kiss and get
struck dead, says ], 'or all frizzled upl"
always wus person that looked into
things This here WIS in the remote past of
the antiquity Of these here United States
when they hadn't no electric lights 20 burn
folks up with yet, but only tallygrams and
cablegraGs which they had recently cele-
brated; but my thoughts progressed into
futurity and kinder felt impressed.
Well, Adoniram didn't say no more, but /
noticed that he folded the sirllylar quite
keerful and put it into his pocket, and fur a
spell expected him to come down 10 break
fast some day dyed black; but he didn't, and
forgot the sirkylars and began TO believe
that Adoniram wus gettin' contented with
his hair, and shown some common sense at
last.
II wus jest about a year from our weddin'
day that the minister's donation party came
of. We had heard good deal Of laughin'
and sneern' as 20 how donation parties wus
managed. and we meant ourn should be
'cry different kind Of thing. Our pastor
lould feel TO rejoice he had one give 70 him.
he did We got tea on the lawn, and we
ought all the good things, and quarts and
pounds 10 spare, and the gifts WAS lovely, and
The hull family pleased and complimented.
doniram, he had to 80 TO town 70 get a
oadsome lamp he meant 20 give the pastor,
Z, couldn't be in 20 tea, but said he'd come
er and be there for the evening. IL didn't
en- right without him, and when tea was
Ter and he hadn't come felt low spirited.
lsre wus a crowd in the house and on the
N. aud sometimes / imagined he hadn't
.rd me and NUS there. When l went into
. parlor aud saw splendid new lamp
ming on the table, with his name on
a tied toit, began to think he wus hiding
ease Inc. He did play jokes now and then,
NJ wus mad az him for doing IL on that
tision when fclt 10 wish had somebody
niau me about, and went out on the lawn
"a, and began % talk 20 Aunt Iabby
.nw. who always had a lot 90 say about
when ny came two girls laughing as If
VA Kill themselves
wolf, is II secretr says Aunt TfbOy TO
in Fem.
remy, mol" says the girl; "and were
the 4 y larshng. But have you seen
anofted mani"
haunt said Aunt Tabby.
'S'' 70 funny !" said one Of the girls. "Of
OPP II he felt bad, and regarded 10 as an
Nm, we'd pity him. but he does think
lite1 killing-and he is striped
pcre spotted, said the other girl.
cr,th striped and spotted, like a bed quilt,
be FIRST girl "And 10 see him stand 70
kcd at, and smirk and toss back his hair