The St. Johns herald., 1890-10-30
HUMOR IN ADVERTISING.
How the Public State Wants and Get
 Things Mixed Occasionally.

How the Public State Wants and Get
 Things Mixed Occasionally.
 A scrap-book of clippings from the advertising columns of the press reveals mass of goodly bits of unconscious humor, of which only few may be quoted here.
 From such scrap-book the New York Evening Sun takes the following speci- mems: Possibly some of them are hot so innocent of humorous intent as their source would wish to imply, but many of them must go as irrefutable evidence that Hibernianisms are not confined to the land which rejoiced in its em- thence as the birthplace of Sir Hugh Roche.
 Eau de Cologne water" and ''gants de Suede gloves" are luxuries which we are told may be ours at ''ruinOusly low prices" A Chinese laundryman will ''wash and iron collar with cape for two cents,' and will sell ''tea and coffee at equally low rates"
 A safe company wishes a travelling agent, "2SX1SxS''-dimensions which are hard to find among men capable of travelling and carrying sample safes about the country with them, and for whom it is therefore considered neces- sary to advertise.
 Under the general heading of ''Ex- cursions," we are told that ''S5O.0O0 will buy a long and well established busi- ness," details of the length of the busi- ness not given; the whole conveying the idea that the excursion is likely to be somewhat too extensive and certainly too expensive.
 GA talented, intelligent young man of many years experience wishes position in saloon as 8 liquor blender'-an in- dication that benevolent Boston has sent us something besides poets and pugilists.
 A keeper of clearinghouse wishes to rent ''room to gentleman, large, airy and square" Another room that needs only a tenant to be perfect is to lot in a select neighborhood ''near the Theological Seminary and minutes walk from the Grand Opera-House," a location well calculated to suit all sorts lnd conditions of men.
 It was possibly printers error that vas responsible for the naivo announee- mont that ''Madam Blank has for rent a room for single gentleman; beard very moderate"
 ''Teeth filled while you wait" lacks tho true ring of the advertisers highest lrt, but it may be genuine. "Umbrellas provided with new ribs, sticks and cover ing" is certainly a good basis for assum- ing that the umbrella mender is hope ful person who will ''never say die"
 The landlord who advertises a flat, ''with all the modern Improvements, no children demonstrates that he does not know what all modern improvements are; and may be set down as being fully as untrustworthy as the person who wishes to sell ''an enormously profitable business for mere song"
 No bargains at this store," is candid, but sensational; and one may reasonably distrust the coal dealer who asserts in big black letters that his ''tons weigh 2,O0O pounds" and that his ''coal gives out heat"
 "Lost-A savage bulldog. The finder Will oDllSe the owner ny keeping the dog" betrays philosophical as we'll as humorous turn of mind while the per son who offers reward of S25 for @ ''pocket-book of no value" appears to be an eXtravagant person.
 A physician advertises for an 'ofice boy who can drive" A person who does not give his business wishes to employ a good, steady man who has S200, at SIP a month. An author of standing" will ''writc book, on any subject, for any body, for moderate pay"
 Verify, the supply seems to be inex- haustible, and one can find sufficient number of laughs in the display columns of newspapers and in back pages of the magazines to fully justify the famous remark of the eloquent Mrs. Malaprops; Sweet are the uses of advertising'