The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1890-11-08
An Amateur in Agriculture.

| have had considerable experience
as an agricultural editor, but, FORUM
ately, It was condensed in to very
brief period of my life. Shortly after
leaving college | bought out small
paper in country town, and l laun-
ched myself upon what l called the
career of journalist.
My Agricultural Department was the
pride OF my hear, and toit brought all
the ripe culture and experience of the
recent college graduate. 1t held the
place OF honor IN my columns, and l
am sure that honestly endeavored to
raise the standard of agriculture in the
section overshadowed by my editorial
tripod. | had been running this de
partment for about three months, when
one day subscriber came in-I farmer
OF the old school and a man OF con
siderable prominence in the community.
He tossed his hat over the ink bottle
on my table. took a seat and rem 4rked.
Sc here, MIR. Editor, if this ere paper
of yourn dosen't brace up pretty quick
Pm a-goin, TO stop thelrn too.
Why, what is the matter2 l ex-
claimed, in consternati,n. | fstter d
myself that | was getting out the best
paper in the state, espet tally for
farmers.
That's just where the shoe pinches.
replied my visitor, frankly. WHAT you
have to say about farmIn, young man,
is ridikus-simply ridiklus. Now look
at this editorial on cows, ne co,inued,
pulling frayed paper from his pocket.
Listen to this sentence: The sooner
COW is killed for beef the less milk she
she will be likely to give.
Well, what is the matter with that1
l demanded. Can you deny that this
is fact?
Thlnd ration, that amt the pint
yelled the granger, removing his boots
from nv fancy stationery and pounding
the table with his fist. OF course it's
fact, but amt it fact that two and two
is iour2 And did you ever know of
anybody's kicking againstthat' What's
the use of telling Us what any blamed
fool knows before he IS weaned2
A shadow gathered on my handsome
brow, and l looked thoughtfuly cut
the window.
And here's something else, continued
the granger running his finger down
the column. speaking of hens, you
say the reason why old hens so seldom
have teeth Is because, as soon as the
hens teeth begin to get loose, they are
washed down her throat by her persls-
tent habit of gargling whenever she
drinks. If hen, could only be taught
to lap their dritk, as sheep do, their
constitutions would be saved the wear
and tear of digesting so many hard
teeth.
Well, what is there against that1 1
asked, anxiously Don't You belisve it
YOURSELF
Believe it screamed the grarg-r, as
he sprang to his feet and prar ced
around the eff e with a zee the color
of boi,ed lobster. Believe il Do
you take me for an assP DON'T YOU
suppose know where my hair b 'giI,s7
Believe ii why heavens and 'arh, |
hope | amt a Iunatic yet, nor any Ct
my folks. Blast your gall You may
stop my paper to-day. l won't have
such nonsense in the house.
So saying, my indignant visitor
swooped up his hat, distributing, IS he
did so, pint of aniline ink over the
table and the floor, and disappeared
from the sanctum, leaving me in huns
iliated establishment, t,'irling my mous-
tache and trying to recoll, ct whether
hens had gums on one jnw and teeth
on the other, or only just plain gums
on both jaws.
Two weeks later, finding that my
subscription list was falling off alarm
ingly, | sold out my paper and began
life anew as book agent.-BM,Hngton
Free Press.