The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-11-18

SHS N0NANOAOHS "a SOtGAS fOmC W AAO
most indispensable brains shot without
the glory of a victor ,. Though he may
think he is right and that it is better to
be right than to be a relative of the eXecu-
tive, he is almost certain to get done up
by France, and go home carrying his
largest brains in a collar box
The king of Italy formed the foolish
habit of cutting his hair pompadour years
down. Over and over again he has writ
ten to me to know what he should do in
order to destroy OF allay At least that ap-
pearance of surprise which his erect hair
| gives him. He says his life is imbittered
by it, and that if it were not that he
fears that he would brighten thu Seraphim
he would willingly blow out the gas and
go home.
Pedro II, of Alcantara, made an assign
ment last year, and putting his throne out
IN the carriage house with burlGps over it
he went abroad, telling the rump senate
and house of representatives to take their
old empire and never to da ken his doors
again. When last heard of he was pre-
pairing a magic lantern slide lecture on
How to Reign with Least Fatigue, and
What Style of Scepter Is Best Fitted for
Indoor Reigning."
Leopold II, of Belgium, says that if he
could get the same salary from Phil
Armour for sti king hogs that he does for
reigning over Belgium he would be in
Chicago early in November, when the
great anniversary and carnival of the hog
assassination of Illinois is at its full height,
and he would have his clothes sent to him
after ward.
Khulaloukoru I, king Of Siam, says
that he would rather run a O fountain
han be king. He gets all het up in the
middle of the day, and his throne fairly
aches by 6 o'clock at night.
Muley Nassau, the sultan of Morocco,
is tired and sick of lis job, and says that
if he could take a few of his best wives,
and a shotgun, and a wall tent and 60 out
camping for about eighty-fVe years and
let the kickers do the ruling themselves,
he would be wiling to do it if he could
do so honorably, but it's like Jay Gould
with his money, he says The thing has
no doubt made a slave of him, with q big
iron collar on his neck that leaves him
never day or night, but curses him even
with the fear that he will lose it, and not
only be again poor and forgotten, but
occasionally raked up as an example and
jeered at by the mob. That is why, as
Huley Hassan says, a man frequently
clings to a throne that has q big hornets
nest in the base of it. He hates to quit,
and thus admit that he was not indis
pensable, or give the common people a
chance to say unjust things of him when
he is gone. He is like the coloreo man
who held the bear by the tail and desired
help to let go.
Wales has been very successful in some
ways. He has feshed up first rate, and
has ais made a record as the Oldest prince
in England, Ireland or Scotland. He is
looking real rugged, but his figure reminds
one of a disabled penchGnt with q string
around it.
Georgios II, king of Greece, is a som
nambulist, and hardly q night passes that
he does not wander forth and fall off the
edge of his kingdom somewhere. He
says il he felt sure that he had made his
calling and election sure he would not
care how soon the summons anne He
says he is tired reigning over . little clear
ing like Greece, where the history of all
the old family business is repeated, and
the best tn ng that can be read of it is
found on its tombstone He wants to go
west, he says, where hope fires the eye
and warns the heart, and where wet
eyed and sob er memory is perpetuGlly
out of a job.
No, it is not encouraging to know, as l
do, the woes of the great who are in our
set If the reader could come with me
to my bright, warm library, where the
glowing fire lights up the rich carving
and inlaid work that delights the eye on
every hand, and read over my shoulder
of the cark and care and cAnkering sor-
rows of those emperors who are intimate
with me, and who thus pour out their
whole sad hearts to me, and ask me over
and over again to get them places on the
paper, he would understand that it is not
everything to hsve q brass band of your
own that plays what you like oil the time,
nor all Joy to be so great and so power
full that you can have strip twice on your
cakes if you chO lse, or get excused from
reign on that day.
Seriously, 1 hope that this czGr scare
will blow over, and that we may use our
bombs for nest eggs in the spring, and
that all yet be well. I have too much
American people to believe that they are
III 1oNOL VI d CAd) LIZ 4 SASO LOCI l4l@G IL
could have an hours quiet talk with Mr..
Reed, after the members had gone home
and the sergeant-at-arms is sweeping out,
| could convince him that caring is no
kind of way to live, and that there IS a
feeling again st it, especially at WGterVille
and KendalI's Mills.
Somehow l feel it in my heart that as
soon as Mr.. Reed looks the situation n
the eye ana reads this piece he will be
man enough to say to himself, "WhGt-
ever betide, I will not be a great coarse
czar."
While his constituents at home did not
jump on him with that fervor which many
of US had expected, Mr.. Reed. 1 am sure,
would not knowingly become hateful
tyrant, with blood on his boot legs and a
yard full of fostering corpSes.
Let US all, so far as we are able, throw