Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-01-26
SAID IN FUN.

A Charity Bawl-"say, boss, gimme a
nickel"
Misers ought to be large buyers of chest
protectors.
Hotel clerk-"Check your grip, sir ?''
Guest with influenza -"Good Lord, yes
can you do it ?"
Answered-"Isi sta crime to be a woman ?''
said the pretty agitator. of it is, it's a
very capital crime" rejoined gallant
auditor.
The Wind (sneeringly )-"Yeu've been
very industrious this year, haven't you ~
The Rain-"Yes; but don't blow about
every little thing do"
He-"I don't see why there should be
no marriage or given in marriage in
heaven" She-"Probably because there
,lwon't be any men there"
Senator Brown will introduce a bill in
the forthcoming Legislature making i
illegal for wife to buy Christmas pres
ent for her husband and charge it to him
When Pope his heart attuned to lofty fight,
| And sang these words; Whatever is, is
| right"
He never saw dentists bill,
You bet.
Smarty-"I wonder how the moon man.
ages to sustain her social status among the
heavenly bodies when she gets full so
often ?' Tarty-"Oh, the stars all wink at
her delinquencies."
By a quick shot he had rescued her
from the clutches of a bear. "Where
were your thoughts when bruin COM
menced to squeezed" was his inquiry.
sob, Charlie, l thought of you"
Stern parent-''No, Ethel, you cannot
be received into my home again, after
clipping with that Guy Banks" Ethel lin
tears "Seems that you might forgive
me. You always knew l was Eighty"
Stranger lin Kansas )-"Can you direct
me to the county seat?" Mr.. Dugout
sadly -"No-o, l can't stranger. There
was a cyclone here last week, and | amt
heard yit whar the county seat went to-"
Mrs. Higgins-"We can't thank you
enough for your entertainment this even
ing, Professor Tremlor. Now, take these
really fine musicians, / can't understand
them but 1 do like your playing so
much"
81 wish Christmas came every month"
said Miss Luckygirl as she viewed the
diamond ring he had sent her. "Once is
quite enough for me" unused the young
man as he toyed with the whisk-holder he
had got in return.
Bingley-"How well Cadsby and Sapp
get along together now They used to be
at loggerheads, but now there seems to be
an understanding between them" Miss
Hautenr-"Yes; never supposed they
bad mora than ono altOpet herr
Big beat-"Here's something interest
ing" said the exchange editor to the para
graph serf 'They hung newspaper man
out West for something he wrote" well"
sain the P. s., YEARLY, "he had the salts
faction of getting the moose exclusive"
Mamma-@Well, Willie, what good re-
solve are you going to make for the new
year?" Wlllie-1 won't fight with
Johnny any more" Mamma-"Pm very
glad my little son sees how wrong and sim
ful it is to fight" Willie-"Yes'm. He
always ticks me-"
Head of frm-"Mr. Travers. while you
were at lunch your tailor called to collect
bill. | am surprised and panied, sir, to
learn that you are in arrears. Isn't II
possible for you to live on your salary"
Travers- Certainly it is, sir, but you
don't expect me to support my creditors
too"
Those familiar with the jolly, joyial
Harry O'Fallon, of st. Louis, would hardly
credit MIN with such serious strain as
the following:
When we are dead for one brief while
Our widow won't in public smile;
But in six months she IL grow LESS SAD
cal n
When we are dead.
Young Lawyer-You have advertised
that YOU are going to retire from practice
and want to sell cat Old LaEyer-Yes.
Do Won wish to buy good practice?
"Yes. How many clients have you ?"
1.-TWO" as that a practiee?' young
man. I've lived off those two clients for
sixteen years. Ones claimant under
contested will and the others lighting for
an Alabama claim" They come to
serms.)
A few Sundays ago an Atlanta preacher
had selected az his text for his morning
discourse: at is easier for camel TO go
through the eye of needle than for a
RICH man to enter the kingdom Of
Heaven He intended to scotch EN-"
When he entered the pulpit he found a
note from the richest member Of his con-
gregation, and it read rs follows: when
the collection for foreign missions is taken
w this morning put me down for $500"
The sermon was preached on the text;
Take heed that We co not your aims