The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1890-02-14
VARIETIES.

-Dentist-"Do you want to take laughing
gas ?" Visitor-"Not till after de toof is out,
boss-reckon I'll feel mo- like laughin' den
--"To look at you, Jonson, no one would
take you for humorist." mo" "No. And
hanged if they'd think You were funny man
| to read your jokes, either~
Young lady-"Mister Conductor, will
! have time to say good-by to my friends?"
| Conductor-"Guess not, miss this train
leaves in two hours and a-half" s.
-"Poverty is no disgrace" said Jinks. "In
many cases it is something to be proud Of"
"Yes," replied Jones. "Its constant sirug-
gle with me to keep my pride down." ,.a
IF there is anything under the canister
of Heaven that hold in utter excrescence,"
says Mrs. Darlington, sit is slanderer going
about like boy constructor circulating his
| calomel upon honest folks.' t-.
"A wealthy merchant who began life as
bootblack was once sneered at for having
| BACKED shoes in his boyhood. didn't l
shine them well % was his answer-wlich
points moral that many might profit by.
Drug Clerk-'I filled prescription for
a stranger last night for a dollar and ten
cents, and now find the dollar is a counter
felt" Proprietor-"That's highway robbery
again. However, if the ten cent piece is good
we make four cents on the sale"
Old Lawyer-'I cannot take your case
Circumstantial evidence is so strong against
you that it will be impossible to prove your
| innocence" Prisoner-"But am not inno-
cent. am guilty." "On! Then maybeI
can clear you --f.ta t.a--S S8-
Young Mr.. Larkins wished to rent a
typewriter, and pretty young woman glbly
explained the merits of several to him. After
making his choice he said, facetiously "Are
you to let with the machine?" mo-" she
replied, CURLY Il am to be let alone" q,
Customer lin drug storel-"Give ME
| about ten grains of quinine in four ounces of
whisky. My physician says if 1 don't take
plenty of quinine Pm dead man." Clerk
"Sorry, sir, but we're all out of quinine.
There's car load on the way" Customer
81 s'pose there is, but it dosen't do me any
good. Well, give me eight ounces of whis-
ky, then I've got to do something for this
terrible malaria" ...,r. ma n. 3.,sg
The Box ON the Platform. lis
At the dinner station, where we stopped
one day on a certain Tennessee Railroad, AL
most the first sight which greeted the eyes
of those who got off was a rough burial box
on the platform, and seated near it was an
old black woman with handkerchief to her
eyes, When kindly asked the cause of her
sorrow, she pointed to the box and replied:
'De ole mans in dar."
"Your husband ?" 7r9 -a'H.#a @
eyes; died two days back yere in de ken
try" D.. .s f.gg
"And what are you doing with the body
here ?" 'a.i 'i
Il wants to bury it up at Charlestown, but
han't got money nutf to take it on de rail
road" .. ..-..-...f-r q
"What nonsense p' exclaimed man, as he
came forward. whats the difference where
| niger is buried? They want her TO bury
it here, but she won't. She's determined to
| take it to Charlestown." -..-.s.,.-.
"For what reason ?" asked the passenger
who had put all the previous questions.
"Kase, sab, all de TO chil'en is buried up
dar, an his mudder an sister, an de poo ole
| man will be lonesome down yere."
"What bosh !" growled the kicker.
"Look herew whispered the other, as he
| went over to him I'D rather be niger
| with her soul than be white man with
yours? She's right. Let the family dead
sleep together"
| He entered the express office, paid for the
| shipment of the body, bought the widow a
| ticket to Charlestown, and then dropped u
| SO gold piece in her hand, and said:
"Give him a decent funeral, nanny, and
| this will put head board to mark the grave.
MAY the good Lawd Dress you for-P'
But he hurried in to snatch bite to eat.
| While he was gone I made inquiry as to his
| identity, and finally found man who replied:
"Why, that's Col. Blank of Alabama. He
owned over 300 niggers when the war broke
| out" -. ...l.t