Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-10-09
FOLLY As IT FLIES.

-
TIE silver question-got change for
q qusrter9
SHRoUDs had no pockets and they
went out of style.
PREPARED meat manufacturers can
all they make and make all they can.
BEss-I say, Ned, can you mend a
racket? Ned-No. sis; but can make
one.
Il HEAR that your picnic was swell
affair" at was. We all got stung by
hornets"
The. bridal trip often saddles the
groom with outlay enough to make him
little sulky.
a PROMINENT Burlington caterer has
a rather SLOPPY name for young society
buds. He calls them chicken CO.
quettes."
"No; I CAN'T say that I want the
earth" unused the freight car tourist.
about three-quarters of it is water,
and that I amt got no use for"
"HIs life has been q success, I be-
lieve?" ~Yes, indeed. He's.been mar
ried four times; had the measles early,
and never got left in a horse trade.
VISITOR Ito prisoner)-What brought
you here? Prisoner-M Misplaced conf
| dence. Visitor How was that
Prisoner-I thought could run faster
than could.
The way of it: "How is she your sis
ter? By marriage?" "N-no" STAN
mered Chappie. "Quite the reverse,
you know. By-by re refusal of m
m-marriage."
"YoU are not the young lady to whom
I give lessons" said the piano teacher.
"No. The young lady to whom you
! give lessons is sick and she has sent me
to practice for her"
EDIroR-I notice that you never
write anything about men getting
| drunk and having the tremens. Humor-
ist-No, sir. Editor-Why not ? Humor-
ist-I have had them myself.
DID you thank Mrs. Nabor when
she gave you piece of cake, Bessie ?"
"No, mamma; it was the last piece on
the plate, and I knew there was no
chance of getting any more"
SHE-Don't you think you had bet
ter have shine? Your shoes are very
dingy. He-Why, they don't need it
they arc patent leather. She-The
patent must have expired; you had
better get it renewed.
"MR. JONES, your mother-in-law- !"
"Oh, do not say that anything has hap
pened to her" Nothing has happened
to her. What makes you so anxious
about her safety" "Why, man, she
pays my rent every month"
MAAIMA-My dear, what are you
doing? Little daughter Making a
pen-wiper for my little sister. M
But you haven't any little sister.
L. D.-No, not yet, but Sally Stuckup
has juut got one, and know we always
get everything the Stuckups do.
OvERwoRKED HOUSEWIFE wish to
get a servant. Employment agent
Well, madam, we have some elegant
ones who wish trip to Europe, some
less desirable who would summer at
Saratoga, and few cheap ones who do
not object to Long Branch. Which
do you prefer?
CHICAGO actress-I should like to
have part in your revival ef "Cinde-
rella." Theatrical managerial you
think you can play the part of Cinde-
rel1a? Chicago actress-N-o, but I'd
do beautifully as one of the sisters
whom Cinderella's shoes wouldn't fit.
HER MIsHAP.
She kissed her little hand to me,
Then blushed and quickly fed;
And roses were her bedl
| hGstened after, aid to give,
And soothe the pain she had
kissed the wounds the thorns had made
! Not on her hend-I add.
She pouted some and looked quite mad,
Then rising from her bed,
And shaking out her truant cur1s-
you think you're smart |" she said.
hungry, but Proud.