Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-11-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Unless man is agreeable to all the
women he meets they go around plying
his wife.-Atchison Globe.
U-"What makes Smith so straight"
I-sI don't know, unless it is his circum-
stances. ."-I'eDas SiiJtings.
Austin has very precise business man
who never pays visit without demand
ing receipt for it.--Teras Sittings.
Marriage is not lottery; it is rattle.
One man gets the prize, while the others
get the shake.-IndianapoHs Journal.
Book Agent have Just the kind of
work you want" Chappie e-"But my
deah fellow, don't want work of any
kind. ."-lndianapolis Journal.
First Girl (proudly)-"Our baby can
say pa and ma" Second Glrl-"Dat's
muffin. My cousin, wot's rich, us got
er wax one wot kin do dat. Life.
OF all the queer men of the times
And unto cranks the nearest,
The man who asks you questions is
Undoubtedly the querist.
-Munseys Weekly
Mrs. Dobbins (reading)-"Countess
Maria Won Kensky, of Bohemia, has
bagged 1873 hares in one day." Dobbins
-"Her husband will soon be baldheaded
at that rate. ."-Epoch
"Kitty," said the lover, as they sat in
the dark corner of the piazza-tKi
close your eyes" "Why so, George2"
eff you don't everybody will be able to
see us. ."-Harpers Bazar.
An exchange says there are $50, 900
women married annually in London.
The average Seattle woman thinks her
self lucky if she is married four times in
a lifetime. Press.
Dream on, dream on" the singer cried,
And reused him from his trance
"Oh, how wish that you," he sighed,
''Would give me half a chance"
-Wdshingto1, Post.
A Canadian doctor has just been testi-
fying that murdered mans heart
stopped "right in the middle of beat"
That's nothing; policemen often do the
same thing Utica Herald.
She-''There goes poor Miss Price with
her fance. Why, the man is old enough
to be her father and ugly enough to be
her brother!" He-"Oh, but he is rich
enough to be her husband. life.
A student who acted as a waiter at q
White Mountain hotel the past summer is
about to marry the daughter of family
at whose table he served. All things
come to him who waits.-Boston Post.
Silver and gold bands for the hair are
very popular among fashionable ladies,
but the brass band makes more noise in
the world-especially if it contains bass
drum and bassoon. n.-Jecelers' Circular.
He's surely difficult person to kill,
His frame seems of adamant;
He's dying each day, but remains with us
The "oldest inhabitantn
Boston Courier.
Miss Passee examining the medal of a
recent graduate) )-.'I have medal, too"
Young Friend-"You have2 Why on
earth don't you wear itY" Miss Passee
with sigh)-"I would, but can't get
the date off of t."-Harper's Bazar.
He-"Shall we marry in October or
Aprila' She (carelesslY-"Really, 1
don't know. Let's toss up and see." He
Feeling in his pockets)-''By Jove, l
haven't penny" She Qrigidly)-"Ah9
1t isn't necessary to toss "-Nep YorE
World.
Smithers (who had just proposedl--
"Why do you smile9 Is my proposition
SO uttely ridiculous that" Lizette
-"Not at all, Mr. Smithers. am only
looking pleased. bet Mr.. Hicks box
of candy I'd have the refusal of you with
in week. ."-Neo York Sun
A young man had been talking to q
bored editor for quite quarter of an
hour, and at last observed: "There are
some things in this world that go witnou,
saying" eyes," said the editor, sand
there are still more persons in the world
who say good deal without going."--
London Globe.
Miss Terriut--"Whe mommer and
were in Yurrup, oh, the awfulest thing
happened! There was princa-and a
count--and--and they fought duel
about poor me--with pistols. Yabsley
-"Ahi were they loaded2" Miss Ter
riut-"No, they werentl They were
just rs sober as could be. ."-Ladidaapolis
Journal
Miss Flora Qorty-five and homelY-
ooh, Mr.. Blunt, had such strange
dream last night" Mr.. Blnnt--..What
was it, Miss Flora2" Miss Flora-s,I
dreamed that we were married and on
our wedding tour. Did you ever have
such dreams" Mr.. Blunt (energetically)
-"No, indeed never had the night
mare in my lite. .'-1teas SJttings.