The Hawaiian gazette., 1890-09-23
HERCULES SLABS.
4 Volcanic Idvl.

90 lalr LDat all w alklkl MANKIND SWOre,
As they sat in the garden and gazed at
the shore,
They'd do some deed, yes then and
there,
To win the hand OF that maiden fair
They swan, they rode, they walked and
drove,
Did all they could to win her love.
But each of them failed, l tell the truth,
To touch the heart OF the fair-haired
Ruth,
Save one, Hercules Slabs by name,
Whose deeds of devotion won that same.
Fair Ruth had come to the sunny isle
To spill some ink and raise the bile
OF an Eastern editor on the Coast,
Who had given to her the delightful
post
OF travelling writer of descriptive pars,
About the natives from Hebe to Mars.
Among the sights she had come to see
Was the great volcano of Kilauea,
Which frizzled, dubbed, spirited and
stank,
On the mountain spur in kind of tank,
On the island Hawaii, on Mauna Loa,
Across the seas on far distant shore.
Hercules Slabs just mapped out his
game,
And made up his mind to play up the
same.
On the trip to the mountain he'd tell of
his love,
He'd squeeze her soft hand and call her
his dove,
And come back accepted, mayhap even
Anyway he commenced as a dutiful
nurse.
His sea-sickly love was frequently noted,
And the ladies exclaimed, Oh! how
very devoted
While young men who tried to put in
some devotion
Were scared half to death with threats
OF the ocean,
And his eyes, which before had never
looked straight,
Fairly glared round the corner with des-
perate hate.
Now travelling maiden must carry a
store
Of brushes and powder--perhaps some
thing more,
Which all perfect blends must certainly
use
Whenever they 90 on a lengthy sea
cruise,
To repair all the ravages, between you
and me,
Caused by the tribute they pay to the
sea.
Beside valise which covered this store,
She carried along to this far-distant
shore,
A mechanical instrument known by
name
AS the Hawk Eye Camera, which the
same
1t fell to the lot OF poor Hercules Slabs,
To carry unaided by porters or cabs.
Words are too weak to convey what 1
When say that they landed not fit to
For the billowy ocean so balmy and blue
Had played up the Dickens with most of
that crew,
For they'd groaned in the spirit and
heaved in the flesh,
Till they landed at Hilo, not any too
fresh.
Twas with feelings of Joy they started
above,
Poor Slabs unremitting in attention and
love,
But it goes to my heart to have to record
A valise and camera were not the re-
ward
Slabs thought he had earned, by atten-
tive devotion,
l,o ,,-aro l,,r;o1 Ioo,D
down i'll the ocean.
Now riding bike and riding horse
May seem much the same, though not
SO, of course,
For the lady was said to observe on the
ride,
There were less painful things than sit
ting astride.
But in silence rode Slabs alongside his
charge,
For that camera had somehow become
rather large.
You will easily see through Slabs dis
tress
When I say that he felt like baggage
express,
As the rest of the party. not hanpered
by woes,
Galloped wildly away as their spirits had
rose,
Leaving poor little Slabs weighed down
to his knees
With that blamed old camera and the
valise.
The further they went the worse was
the road
While more heavy and large grew Slabs
little load, p.
And though a young man full of scrip
tural verse,
The little girls camera induced him to
curse
In manner so fluent, so painfully free,
Twas pity poor Slabs wasn't. drowned
in the sea.
With gloomy remarks that came from
his soul,
Slabs completed the trip to the Volcanic
hole,
Came down from the mountain to sweet
Hilo Bay,
And silently cursed in a terrible way,
That lover so earnest should earn as a
guerdon,
The fair maiden's luggage a cuss-foun-
dry burden.