The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-12-16

WhereupOn tle CQOfa6 OD6efVeQ:
"Ihs Embellishments house is his castle,
The Englishman's hat is his CROWN
And this was, indeed, just estimate of the
exalted worth Of his hat to an Englishman
of the first water for there is nothing which
he holds in higher reverence, or anything
an insult to which he resents more readily
than his hat, compared with which even
his monocle and his walking stick are COM
paratively of small account.
Americans are not SO touchy as English
men as far as their headgear is concerned,
and it may be said without fear of success
full contradiction, that they reverse the
British order of things and are more sensi-
feet than their heads. Above all things, an
American gentleman must wear neat and
we'll polished shoes in order to feel perfect
ly fit to walk the pavements like thing
Of hfe-a fact, by the way. for which Sir
Lepel Griffin would probably account by
eyes of men naturally and rightly seek the
ground, while those of the true-born Briton
as naturally look straight ahead-without
seeing much, we should feel inclined to say.
and thus account for the ''stony British
stare' which all the world recognizes from
this country, Italians would take account OF
them by erecting as many stands for the
brushing of hats in dusty New York az they
now have for the polishing of shoes, and
yet. in all the metropolis, there is no such
public stand, though there are many hat
shops, in the windows of which signs are
exhibited admonishinQ the passer-by that
within he may have his hat ironed for fifty
cents while he waits. If we really had the
British respect for our hats, together with
the British disreepeot for time, our matters
would do more ironing, while, if we had as
our feet as the English have for the appear
ance of theirs, the ranks of our bootblacks
would be woefully thinned out. The fact
that Englishmen's feet, a. a rule, are terri
bly, large, knobby and sinRularly robust
and qngainly may have ;t much S,t to t 90 with
treated by their owners, who naturally desire
to distract attention from them as far as
possible, and 80 make their headgear alb
normally splendid in polish, though never
other hues being thoroughly un-English.
It is necessary to take these things into
account when rejecting upon the violent
attack which was recently made by the
Rev. Mr. Brown, whom from internal evil
dence we judge to be an Englishman, upon
student at Acadia college, in Nova Scotia.
The hat of Mr.. Brown, who is the rector of
an Episcopal church, was occupying one
seat in railway car, while its owner sat
beside it guarding its destinies and meta
phorioslly locking up to It. as ne might eI
placed it above his head in the hat-rack,
where it belonged. Mr.. King entered the
car, and. not noticing the hat as it sat
broad-brimrned and in full panoply of
ecclesiastical pomposity in its seat, sat
down upon it with crushing force while the
attention of the Rev. Mr.. Brown was mo-
mentarily withdrawn from it to the perusaI
of Archdeacon Thudichum's "Tractate
on Ecclesiastical Vestments in the Middle
Ages.'' The Rev. Mr.. Brown heard the la
mentable sounds that came from his revered
hat as the divinity student pumped down
upon it like Henry VIII. on the English
monasteries Amusement, unwillingness to
believe the evidence of his own senses, hor-
ror and indignation followed each other in
rapid succession, and before the divinity
student could apologize to the hat or its
companion for his unseemly intrusion the
seats, banging his head against tho door,
wiping the floor with him, breaking his
nose, backing his eyes, and generally en-
treating him with contumely and wrath, 80
that, when his assailant paused for breath,
the divinity student closely resembled
knights had get through with him. The
car was despatched with gore, like the
altar at Canterbury cathedral to which the
mighty prelate chung while the murderers
butchered him. and-and we say it with all
reverence-it would have been evident to
that there had been regular monkey an d.
parrot time of the first quality.
1t is probable that the Rev. Mr.. Brown
will be disciplined by his bishop for his
strange conduct, but we sincerely hope that
the great provocation which led to it will
somewhat palliate the penalty that shall be
exacted. An eye for an eye, tooth for a
tooth, and broken divinity student nose
for q broken ecclesiastical English hat
should be good enough law SO far as the
outer world is concerned, and as to the inner
world, the Rev. Mr.. Brown might safely be
left to his own awakening conscience and a
months diet of bread and water to cool him
down.-New York Times.
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Excursion Rates.
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