The daily critic., 1890-08-26
BATHING COSTUMES.
COL. P. DOMAIN Is VERY MUCH SHOCKED
BY THEIR CHARACTER.
veritabie Nightmares Of the sea-MIeht
Have Prevented the Fail OF
Man - Good Coast
Derenses.


Dakota--that "P' stands for Peter and
not for Patrick, as is generally believed
lis temporarily prominent figure Of
New York life He has this week been
made the subject Of many a gibe con.
cerning Proctor Knott of Kentucky
being made a few days ago the star
guest Of Duluth upon the occasion Of
the twentieth anniversary Of the found.
ing of "the zenith city Of the uusalted
seas" that distinction being conferred
on Knott by reason Of his delivering In
Congress his famous Duluth speech.
His address there the other day was
disappointment, and naturally, because
Knott never said a bright or witty thing
in his life which Donau did not write
for him, says a New York COrrcspon.
dent Of the Philadelphia Inquirer.
That Is an absolute, four.ply, double.
clinchCd, incOntrovcrtible fact. D0nan
Is a queer but charming genius. Just
now he is outraged by the character of
the dresses believe they are called
dresses-whiCh the bellies Of America
wear when bathing In the surf do
not agrec with word he says, but his
views are worth repeating because they
are so different from what we are ac.
customCd 10 heat Said he
II have been bobbinC along the coast
like q vagrant jack.o lantern as the
darRiCs call il. / have fitted in aud
out az Manhattan Beach, Long Branch,
Atlantic City, Cape May and divers
and sundry other rCsoriing. places of
Euchflr'. now nVl HfT.1tr f4frfH rrN
gullarts. down by thc sad sen waves
] haven't had much fun, but Tvcml lla
a few trivial di.Coycrit One g. that
there isn't, after all, very much differ.
cnCy cs % notions of prODug'y and
co,iumery, between absolute htrbari,m
and ihe highest (summC) civilization.
was forced to.keep my modest Devils
Lake eyes shut, or % wear 'hllu lggs,
like a shy country hcarsc.mulc, an the
time ! larIled beside the b0ualing
billows
j think, too, ! have found out why
the sea waves are so proyerbially sad.
II seems 20 me their sadness Il The
| natural and unavoidable result of q close
contemplation OF the fashionable bath
ing suit Of the period, and Of being
I forced 10 embrace such prol giaus
quantities and varieties Of feminine
uCliness. An uglier lot Of she creatures
than are now soaring the sharks and
pOIpOisgs into in and scaly fits an along
our Atlantic shores, / have never seen
In my widest phantasmagorlac dreams.
| They are yeTiiable Nightmares Of the
Sea Any average one Of them, IL she
| had been the first woman, might have
| prevented the entrance of Original Sin
| into the world; for the devil instead Of
| plunging headlOng into fallpippin
| tirtatlon with her, would have broken
| his neck turning a double s0mersault
over the gates Of Paradise trying 70 get
away from her
Do you know that there isn't a
crocodile or a sea serpent on our whole
coast this year, from Maine tn lowest
Jersey It's true-true as census sta
/ ustics, MOI one. They have been
/ frightened away by the appalling ap-
/ partitions that have apparently broken
| out Of all the diane museum chamber
| Of horrors 10 the republic 10 Wall0w Ia
/ scaut eostumal atrocities In the shocked
/ and indignant hillows Every crab and
/ lobster has buried himself, peppers
down, IN the sand and the old boss
/ sea dog, Neptune, IS carrying his eyes
/ In a sling.
i am satisfied, IN case Of a foreign
war, If we could muster this summer
horde Of dripping hideosities, this
| thousand mile-lOng line Of marine
| scare. crows, along our eastern shores,
| ne would need no other coast-defeasas ;
| We could scare an The naYies Of the
| world into Mysteries. The whole wide
| ocean would be turned into a vast uui
| yasal Samoan disaier for our would be
! invaders. All creation would be strewn
/ With their wreck and ruin.
j intend 10 offer this suggestion 10
1 the naval committees Of The Senate and
| House. II viii De the first really seusi.
| be and practicable idea that has struck
| either end Of the Capitol since BENJAMIN
/. and Baby Mckee began their reign.
with Prince Russell 10 Tun the lottery
/ advertisement branch Of the family-g0y
I eInmeui machine