davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
THE BANNERS REVISED DIG.
TIONARY.

Legislature-A place where corpora
lions purchase their privileges.
Election-The peoples amen" to the
prayer formulated by the bosses.
Candidate-One who is in the hands OF
his many friends
Government-A social compact oper-
ated so the workers will have to pile up
wealth for the drones, while their own
families are half clad.
Congress-A collection Of individuals
who drink good whiskey, and despOil the
~peoplelof their substance.
Corporation-An artificial person
which, being once created, cannot be con-
trolled by its creator.
Declaration of Independence once
respected charter of the peoples liberties,
but which is now out of date, since the
people have no liberties.
Constitutional written plan of gov
eminent, which is now never adverted to,
except For the general welfare
Machine Democrat-0ne who comes to
the g scratch - when the whip cracks.
Doodle Republican-Ditto.
Free-man-One who looks the whole
world in the face and votes as his con-
science dictates linton Banner.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
K

Judge-What reason had you for shoot
ing at the young lady2 Rejected Sultor
i thought she was too sweet to live.
-Terre Haute Express.
Collector of China-Do you know Sat-
suma? Would-be Swell-Yes, indeed;
should think l did; first rate fellow
Harper's Magazine.
Jack Steighlate-I would go to the
very centre of the earth to please you.
Miss Bo. ed-You needn't go so far as
that. Just go home.-Epoch.
Miss Highliver Carbohydrates
that plucky fellow down. No, he's up
again Oh, 1 could eat himI Mr.. Cure
msy-because he's game, 1 presume.
He-Aw, aw, I'm rawther surprised to
hear you sat in the balcony of the Lon
don theatres. The stalls are the proper
place, y know. She-Yes, for calves
The Jester.
She-Charley, have you noticed that the
striking cigar makers are talking Of a
union? He-Why, yes; what of it? She
-Well-ey-what's the matter with us2
-BinghGmpton Leader.
"Spare the rod, spoil the child" OBJ
served little Tommy Toughnut, as lie sur
reptitiously removed his fathers fish pole
from the closet last Sabbath, and struck
a bee line for the creek.
First Tramp-Jerry, what's your opin-
ion of de eight-hour movement Second
Tramp-It's my honest opinion dat
eight hours movement is heap too much
for ore dsy.-TSrre Haute Express.
Young Mrs. Tucker says that if the
Lodge bill has anything in it to prevent
Charley's doing so much more than his
share of sitting up with sick friends, she
certainly hopes it will pass Washington
Post.
Old Maid-I often wonder if a we'd
ding ring will ever eneircle my finger
Uneasy Visitor-Don't you think you
| could borrow one for a little while from
one of your gr~and-nieces ?-JeWeIers
Weekly.
Hoiack-Hello, doctor, 1 thought you
were going Il leave US this morning for
a few weeks rest? DR.. Lobelia-I did
intend to, but several of my patients at
tended a watermelon party last night. -
Ghicggo Inter Ocean.
Policeman-Come along. Howling
Observation-Disclosures want? [ arrest you.
You are full Of whiskey. You betcher
Gfe2 I'm a 'riginal package O w~hishkey,
an " can't touch me! Thatsh tn law
Handsh off Whoopl"
az had a terrible experience with a
night mare last night" remarked Cumso
SHOW 1 suppose you will wrile a sensa-
tional novel, replied Fangle Why
81 Because a night mare Is apt to make
Rider Haggard "-Aunseg's Weekly.
"That was quite q freak Of SANKEY'S
remarked an English gentleman Of note
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
TO H

We are receiving every day many let
ters of inquiry about things relative to
the business of this Office, which are
already answered in THE PROGRESSIVE
FARMER. Owing to the large correspon-
dence and increasing business of this Of
Zee we are unable to answer as promptly
as we wish. We ask the brethren to
please read The PROGRESSIVE FARMER and
it will save them much writing and will
be a source of great benefit and pleasure
to them, and relieve US of a large amount
of work. Fraternally,
W. II. WORTH. s. b. A.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
Blount sayings by Or" Henry Blount,
of the Wilson Mirror:
Great Scott l"-Sir Walter.

Blount sayings by CDR" Henry Blount,
of the Wilson Mirror:
Great Scott Sir Walter.
A couple O castaways-Old shoes.
An unmixed evil-Whiskey straight.
The greyhound is a headlong animal.
Chestnut-A new name for an old
thing.
A bar-gain-When the drinks are paid
for.
A cereal story-A lie about the grain
crop.
When the tailor gets rich it is by shear
industry.
Chestnut burs, like miIliners, have fall
openings.
A blind teacher would naturally have
bad pupils
Anew stifhor IS will make many a timid
man a pug acious bu-l.
Men are apt to worship what they can
not understand-women for example.
Extremes easily meet in infancy. It is
no work at all for the baby to suck his
toe.
These are trying times for me, was
what the cook said as she stood over the
lard keg.
Did you ever hear of roads turning into
an appletree? Such a thing will occur
to-day.
One of Wilson's most radiant maidens
will to-day dedicate her charms to an
others happiness.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
MAKE A NOTE OF THIS.

On all matters relating to the State ALI
ance, address E. @. Beddingfeld, Raj
eigh, N. 9.
On all matters intended for the organ
Of the order, address The PROGRESSIVE
FARMER, Raleigh, N. @.
On all matters relating to the Business
Agency, address W. H. Worth, Business
Agent, Raleigh, N. G.
On all matters relating to the National
Order, address L. L. Polk, President, 51I
9th ST., n. w, Washington, D. @.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
IMPORTANT NOTICE.

DEAR BRETHREN:-In future please
write orders and letters on separate sheets
of paper. It will save much time to this
Office, and we will be less liable to errors
in transcribing your orders. When mark
ing inquiries about orders and letters Of
importance please give date of same, ard
duplicate of the order. Don't fail to give
your p~ostofice and also shipping point
In sending money please state who it is
for. Fraternally,
W. II. WORTH, 8. B. A.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21

The National Economist Almanac is the
cheapest and most valuable publication
for farmers and Alliance men that has
ever been presented to the public. It is
a perfect handbook and gives valuable
facts nowhere else to be found. Eor two
cash subscribers to TIE P-RoGREssTvB
FARMER, we viii mail a copy of the
almanac postpaid. You cant afford to do
without it. It is worth ten times the
price. =
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
NOTICE.

To Business Agents and Cotton Raisers
in North Carolina:
Look to your interest. Norfolk is the
best market for your cotton. Write me
for particulars. Address
j. j.. ROGERS,
Man'g'r Alliance Exchange, Norfolk, Va,
Box 364.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
NOTICE FROM STATE EXECU.
TIVE COMM TEE.

The State Alliance does not pay the
expenses of any one visiting or speaking
to Alliances except the State Presidents
and Lecturers, and any Alliances inviting
speakers % address them should expect
at least 10 pay their expenses.
s. B. alexander.
J. NJ. MEwBoRNE,
j. 5. JOHNSTON,
Committee.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
TO BUSINESS AGENTS.

Any Alliance having seed wheat, oats,
Clover, grass, &C., for sale, who will send
samples and prices. l will show them at
the S ate Fair and take orders for the
same. W. H. WORTH, s. B. A.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
goEttg.
@so5gYE, JUTE

Y@OO,BSH'1
q A BRAN NEW ORGAN, SUE.
o 1bA iosr tute, goodbye, goodbye
.ILbye, 60, Tarr strong an brave,
once TT Nice and Alliance men
pitea r "ni in your grave;
IN put io aavarice and theft
q gre9GtiE e farmer boys,
d used NV NV ali that's good and bad,
'ES VOL You Of your joys
= mighty slow to move
hrIle[ h HE aud contrite-
is unused with kicks and cuffs,
worse : merry cry song We'll sing,
iulg and your grave we'll shout;
Sdrounuo face foremost, so
DDa a?er can scratch out
,r then will reign supreme,
g UO'ijJ IN the southern field;
o So5b II inte must stand aside
Eo .iIess of its yield.
pgaIa aT i've, lutte, your time is come,
D 81 Ion is ended now,
lol Ier more the Southern sons
.p 10! Nashville (Tenn.) TOiler.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
COUNTY BUSINESS AGENTS.

1 want your name, p~ostofice address
and shipping point Immediately after your
election in July. This is important bust
ness. W. Fl. WORTH, s. B. A.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
NOTICE.

County AMI Sub-Business Agents will
please send their names and postofice
address, with certificate of bond, at once
to the State Brsir ess Agent,
W. Il, FCPTH, Raleigh, N. @.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
NOT TOO DRUNK TO TELL THE
TRUTH.

1t happened on a crowded horse car.
a seedy looking man, very much the
worse for liquor, rose to give his seat to
a lady, when a robust man slipped into
the vacant seat, leaving the lady still
standing.
"Sa-ay, you fellow you" said the
booty but chivalrous individual, as he
swayed to and fro hanging to a strap,
Tim drunk, l know, but l IlEget
over T., I will; but you-you're a hog, and
you'll never get over it ,in-in this world
no, sir, neverI" And the other pas
sengers agreed with him.-Ow Dumb
AnimGls.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21

to Max O'Rell the other evening, COM
menting upon Stanley's return. "Quite
a comical freak indeed" "Y-as, a
PAfrique, so to speak," modestly replied
the latter.--M Y Morning Journal
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
A SPONGE CAKE.

mo cup of sugar, one cup of -four "a
~ more -four than sugar., two eggs,
\ oT4 teaspoonful of extract of lemon,
]. ~tessrooHful of baking powder, five
.I.,n,on,uls Of hot water (not bolling).
n he hot water last, and bake half an
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21

no cnp of butter, one egg, 1t cups Of
', ope-half cup of sweet milk, one
n,onful Of soda and -four to roll.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
LEEKY PIE.

Ant ID a dozen leeks, put them to boil
Ii enough ", ter to cover them; when
,asd strain IF the water. Season with
n and pepper to taste. Put them in a
~l5Dg-dis1. pour over one-half pint of
-rprniIk and a beaten egg. Cover with
,TDsry paste and bake.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21

Skaggs-Why, how haggard you look,
Shaggsl Did you fail in teaching Dolly
to love your skaggs-Noi l succeeded.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
GEMS OF ROLLED OATS.

Sax two cup. of rolled oats for five
buns Tor ,ver ljgh) in Il cups of sour
ik Add one tesspoontul QeveD of
M, one traspoonful Of salt, one-half tea
phl Of light crown sugar, one teacup-
EOf sifred -four, and two we'll beaten
w, in the order given, the soda dissolved
Ia little water. Bake in hot, we'll
ceased gem pans, in a hot oven, for
TFnty- five minutes.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-21
THE H SIDE OF 1T.
A Farmer Tells Bill Nye About Summer
Boarders.

The Sad Tale Of a New Mich CoD-Some
Boys and Some Other Things-Dea-
con Decker and HIS Thumb
Also jag Gould.
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
BloOd.BrotberhoOd.

Writing about the Bangala cannibals
of the Upper Congo, Africa, Herbert
Ward says in the Ledger.
Among my first experiences after TAX
ing command of the station was that of
submitting myself to the ceremony of
blood-brotherhood with Mata Bwiki; a
form of cementing friendship and a
guarantee of good faith, popular with all
Upper Congo tribes.
In the presence of hundreds of the saw
ages owning the sway of Mata Bwiki, we
were seated upon the low wooden stools
placed opposite each other. Silence be-
ing commanded by the beating of the
big redwood drums, which gave forth a
hollow sound that can be heard for
miles, charm-doctor appeared, arrayed
in all his mystic apparel. An incision
was made in both our right arms, in the
outer muscular swelling just below the
elbow, and as the blood flowed in tiny
stream, the charm-doctor sprinkled pow
dered chalk and potash on the wounds,
delivering the while, in rapid tones, an
appeal to us to maintain unbroken the
sanctity of the contract; and then our
arms being rubbed together, so that the
flowing blood intcrmingled, we were de-
clared to be brothers of one blood, whose
interests henceforth should be united as
our blood now was. The witnesses of
this strange ceremony expressed their
agreement with the utterances of the
charm doctor, and gave way to bolster
Gus expressions of approval of what had
been done already, ere setting to work to
drink the huge earthenware jars of fer
mented juice of the sugar-cane, known
as "masanga," which had previously
been prepared to celebrate the event.
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
Unhealthy ParlOrs.

''I never call here but l feel so
stutfy."
"Stuffyl that's just the word. was
wondering myself why it is. The rooms
are large and well furnished"
"Too well furnished for health, !"
quickly chimed in the first speaker.
''The house is so full of antiquities and
rare curios that it is never aired for fear
some dust might get in through the
open windows or doors. I don't believe
ray of sunshine is ever let into this
house. | never call but | feel like a
mummy myself and get SO nervous before
l leave that l feel as if all the antiquities
were coming down in body to inhabit
me. The sunshine is shut out, the rooms
are never aired and the antiquities give
an unpleasant odor which oppresses me,
especially when coming in out of the
fresh air. I don't think shall ever call
here again. Times Star.
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
Why the Admiral Stood.

At the theatre the other night it
Glanced that the orchestra between two
of the acts played the "Star Spang led
Banner" and as the music was tur ned
on one tall and stately old gentleman
arose in the midst of the parquet and
continued to stand rect for some min
utes. Two pretty young women who
sat on either side of him finally began
pulling at his coat tails.
"Papa Papal" they whispered ner-
vously. "What are you standing up
for?" Do you see any one you know1"
The old gentleman said not a word,
but remained standing as before.
''Papa, you are attracting atten tion,"
the young ladies whispered again, yet
more anxiously.
Still the old gentleman continued in
his upright attitude. Finally, when
the orchestra had brought the piece to
a conclusion, he sat down again.
''What were you standing up for,
papaP asked the pretty young women.
"Were you looking for somebody2'
The old gentlman smiled.
''My dears," he replied, ''it is in all
civilized countries save this the in varia.
bic custom for the whole audience in
theatre to rise to their feet and remain
standing while the national anthem is
being played. incidentally to my life
time of naval service have become In
many lands so accustomed to the obser-
vance of this rule of etiquette that /
instinctively got upon my legs when
the band began the Star Spangled
Banner And, having risen, thought
! might as we'll pur sue the formali,y to
the end, even although / was the only
person in the house who exhibited that
mark of patriotic respect. l was not
afraid of attracting attention, for q
man in my position can afford, if their
be occasion, to set the fashion,"
The old gentleman's explanation was
cut off at this point by some ono who
leaned over from tho row of orchestra
chairs Immediately behind and I'D.
dressed him as ''Admiral. - Washing
ton Star.
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
A Queer Sheep.

George Sevingle, of Stoverton, Ohio, is
the owner of rare specimen of the
sheep kind. 1t has the nose and feet of
a dog, but is in all other respects a
sheep. Instead of having the ordinary
teeth of the sheep species the animals
mouth, both upper and lower jaws, is
filled with long and sharp wolf-lile
fangs, rendering it extremely difficult for
it to pick grass like other sheep. 1t gets
its chief subsistence from twigs and
young shrubs, the bark and tender wood
of which it devours greedily.-St. Louis
ReDnblic.
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25

''Six cents damages" is one of the YER
diets most frequently rendered and least
frequently paid. The only use of such n
verdict is to force the person against
whom it is rendered to pay the costs of
the suit. Barring the costs, it amounts
to a dismissal of the suit. Occasionally
defendants against whom such verdict
is rendered, will, in fine sarcasm, make
an ostentatious payment of the sum to
the injured plaintiff, but usually no at
tention is paid to the judgment by either
defendant or plaintiff. Possibly ver-
dict Of this sort, left lying loose for a
century or two, might be discovered by
the plaintiffs heirs and figured up with
interest to a sum large enough to pay the
fees involved in enforcing its collection.
This is not likely, however, and such
judgments, left unsatisfied, are not con-
sidered liens on real estate, nor has the
attempt ever been made to collect such
a judgment by seizing the body of the
debtor.
1t is not always the case nowadays that
a six-cent verdict carries the costs with
it. In New Jersey, for instance, in libel
and slander cases, if the verdict is less
than $50, it carries with it costs only to
the amount of the verdict, and man
who RECEIVERS verdict for six cents in
such a suit has to pay himself all the
costs of the suit except six cents. The
costs may amount to several hundred
dollars, so the satisfaction involved in
the verdict is rather expensive. e.-New
York Sun.
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
HUMOROUS.

Silence is golden; but it is tho other
fellows silence that is meaut.
The switchmen's interest in the rail :
roads they represent seems to be flag
ging.
Better be good than great. You'll
have less competition. The latter busi-
ness is overdone.
"Poets must suffer before they can
write," says philosopher. After that
it is other people who suffer.
Judge-How dare you como into
court soa Take your hat off. Accused
But, Judge, you know l am no
stranger here.
Mrs. Gazzam: ''Ierc's an article
about an organ with fifty stops" Gaz.
zam: "Um! wish that piano next
door had even one!"
''You will observe one thing about
New York property" said the real es-
tate MANA front foot is more valu-
able than a back yard"
Alice-Pa says you have no home,
and that it would be foolish for me to
give up good one to marry you.
Algernon-But, my dear Alice, I don t
ask you to give up your home, Imerely
ask to share it with you.
''Time is money" the sages said in the good
old times,
And it finds a modern echo when we
punish petty crimes.
When the judge pronounces sentence this
is the well-worn phrase:
'The decision of the court Is ten dollars or
ten days"
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
The Old White Pine.
Far to the north in, the trackless wild
A grand old pine tree stood,

Far to the north in, the trackless wild
grand old pine tree stood,
Towering aloft in its majesty,
The monarch of the wood.
Through all the storms of the countless
years
1t proudly reared its head
High Ger the ranks of its kindred near,
Where forest sires lay dead.
Deep in the heart of the wilderness
To mankind all unknown,
Safe from the ak of the lumberman
For ages it had grown.
At last one day through the forest came
Stout woodsmen by the score,
And ere the light of that day had fed
The monarch's reign was o'er.
Straight to the core of the patriarch
The keen-edged blades were sent,
And prone to earth with mighty roar
The giant crashing went;
Then of the huge weather-beaten limbs
The PROSTATE trunk was shorn.
And TO the mill by the rapid stream
Its severed lengths were borne.
Forth to the world went the woodland king
Rent in thousands parts.
Borne from its home in the northern wood
Out to the busy marts;
Part went to form laborer's cot,
Part framed mansion fine,
And many things for the good of man
Came from the old white pine.
Frank B. Wslch in Detroit Free Press
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
MABEES GRANDMA.
" Tho world 10 even a. we take 1t,
And life, dear child, Is what we make It Z"

This is sense, oven if it is not Shakes
pearean. Indeed, it is the opening stAnza
Q, .at an a1onymTIs o1d poem II Wv was .ne senn
Mabel. And many Mabel has found it
to be true, and she has mado her life very
happy one because she has taken care Of
her health. She keeps on hand supply Of
DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription, and so
Is not troubled with those wasting diseases,
weaknesses, dragging down. sensations
and functional Irregularities that so many
women endure. 1t Is the only medicine for
women, sold by druggists, under o positive
guarantee from the manufacturers, that
it will give satisfaction in every case, or
money will be refunded. This guarantee
has been printed on the bottle wrappers,
and faithfully carried out for many years.
"Favorite Prescription is legitimate
medicine, not beverage Contains no
derange digestion. As peculidr in its reme-
dial results as in its composition.
As a powerful, 1nvigorating tonic, 1t
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25

imparts strength to the whole system,
and to the womb and its aPpendages in
"run down." debilitated teachers, millin-
ers, dressmakers, seamstresses, "shop-girls,"
housekeepers, nursing mothers, and feeble
women generally, DR.. Pierce's Favorite
Prescription is the greatest earthly boon;
being unequaled as an appetizing cordial
and restorative tonic, or strength-giv
As soothing and strengthening nervine,
Favorite Prescription" is unequaled and
is invaluable in allaying and subduing
nervous e1citability, irritabihty, exhaus-
ton, prostration, hysteria, spasms and other
distressing, nervous symptoms, commonly
attendant upon functional and organic dis
ease. 1t induces refreshing sleep and re-
ieves mental anxiety and dependency.
A Book of 160 pages, ON "Woman and
Her Diseases, their Nature, and How to
Cure them," sent sealed, in plain envelope,
on receipt of ten cents, in stamps.
Address, WORLDS DIsPENsARY MEDICAL
ASSOCIATION, 663 Main ST., Buffalo, N Y.
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
Not a Nice Plant.
forever.

A horrible pest, a singing plant, is
the Jatropha urens, one of the Eu-
phorbiacee. 1t has thick green stem
and leaves, resembling those of our
common garden geraniums in shape,
and small white flower, and is
covered with fine sharp bristles, which
sting most abominably. To gather
specimens they had to be lassoed with a
string, kicked up by the roots, and car
ried on board carefully slung on stick.
The stinging sensation produced by tho
plant lasts for more than two days, the
pain being like that of the nettle. but
far more intense. -" "Toyage Of tho OhaI.
Jnger."
Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-04-25
Cost of n Head Of Hair.

A fine head of virgin gold colored hair
will bring from 5000 to $500, according
to its length and luxuriance, and to those
who have it and are anxious to convert
it into hard cash, it may be pleasing to
hear that there are orders in advance for
all that can be produced of this descrip-
ton for the next five years. Chatter.