Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-09-29
If L Should Die Tonight
III should die tonight,


Some kindly DEED the icy hand had wrought;
Some gentle word the frozen lips had said;
brands on which the willing feet had sped;
The memory of my selfshness and pride,
Nv hasty words would all be put aside,
Ane so 1 should be loved and mourned tonight.
fl should die tonight,
Even hearts estranged would turn once more to me
Recalling other days remorsefully;
The eyes that chill me with averted glance
Would look upon me of yore, perchance,
And SOFTEN in the old familiar way,
For who could war with dumb, unconscious clay:
So might rest, forgiven of all tonight.
Oh! friends, pray tonight
Keep not your kisses for my dead, cold brow
The way Is lonely, let me feel them now.
Think gently of me; am travel worn;
NV flItrring feet are pierced with many a thorn.
Forgive, oh! hearts estranged; forgive, plead!
When dreamless rest is mine I shall not need
The tenderness for which long tonight.
An ocean greyhound should be bark-rig
ged.
A great contractor; The girl who laces
tightly.
A glittering success: The solitaire en-
gagement ring.
The hopper of newspaper jokes is
Plumbfull nowadays.
A horse may pull with all his might, but
never with his name.
Vanity is the besetting sin of women.
Some women are as vain as men.
Are the winters warm in Arkansas? I'm
not sure, but they always have Hot
Springs.
A school teacher refers to the members
of the youngest class in arithmetic as
''the little things that count"
If the Knights of Labor would only
give themselves up to days of labor, ev-
erything would be all right.
Awkward Miss with umbrella) Beg
pardon! Polite gentleman Don't men-
ton it. have another eye left.
City boarder with numerous progeny
Are there any snakes here? Jersey
farmer-Only around the fruit trees, mum.
Whenever you find a man who is fail
y
man who makes his excuses to the world.
Wife-My friends used TO tell me l sang
like an angel. Hubby-As that's the case,
why don't you wait until you get to heav-
en-?
Il live mostly within myself" said a
conceited fellow. Il understand" replied
his neighbor at the table: ''You occupy a
fiat"
Intending settler-But is Prairie City
we'll watered? Kausan-Of course it is.
There amt no other water there but well
water.
Tolstoi says marriage is sin. Let this
idea generally obtain, and we expect to
see a tremendous boom in the matrimoni-
al market.
The Oft Rejected-You have no sisters,
Mr.. Cilly, have you? / never had until
this summer, said Cilly, sadly. I've got
seven now
''Is she not passing fair?" remarked
our humorous editor in the street car, as
the girl on his left handed him five cents
TO put in the box.
''I'm afraid, Johnny" said the Sunday
school teacher rather severely, that will
never meet you in heaven?" ''Why, what
have you been doing now?
''To whom did you bowl" "a mosqui-
to. He has some of the finest blood of
the state in his veins ''How do you
knOw?" ''He just bit me-
CumsO-Jaysmith is penurious, isn't he?
Fangle-I should say he was. He won't
even laugh at joke unless it's at some
one elses expense.
Mrs. Goslow-And how did you enjoy
Paris, Mrs. Quickly? Mrs. Ooh, be-
yond Imagination. Pa, and me have got
to be regular Parasites.
She-What a wonderful thing is nature
How grand how comprehensive He
Ya'as; even the smallest plant or the
insect has got Latin name.
Attorney to witnesS-You were born in
Ammo Domini 1910, believe, Mr. O'Brien?
O'Brien-The yare is right, yer Amer
but Oh wuz borrun in Oireland, sorr.
An indefinite term-Visitor- long
are you in for, my poor man? Prisoner
Dunno, ma'am. Visitor-How can that
be? Prisoner-It's life sentence.
Tell any man he is a good man, and he
will be thankful. Ask him what he is
good form support of your praise
and he will seem puzzled and troubled.
Maddox-Look here. Simeral, don't you
know it is dangerous to go into the water
after a hearty meal? Simeral-Im not
going after a meal. It's bath I'm after.
Gilroy-Col. Rox, who is worth two
millions now, began life without cent in
his pocket. Larkin-That's nothing. 1
didn't even have a pocket when L began
life
Mistress-Here IS three-minute-and-a-
half glass, Bridget, you may boil the eggs
with it. Bridget Give minutes later)-
The eggs is done, mum; but Oh hev me
doubts about the glass.
A New York court has awarded Chas.
Myers $4,000 damages caused by a bite
from Mr.. Vandurbilt's dog People who
are bitten should he careful to pick out
dogs with good financial backing.
School teacher-Johnny, what does the
word metre mean? Johnny-A measure.
School teacher-Now, Johnny, what do
they measure with the metre? johnny
Gas. electricity. water and poetry.
A young man led blushing damseI into
the presence of Rev. DIR. Carpenter. 1--WE
want to be married." he said Are YOU
Rev. DIR. Carpenter?' Yes" replied the
genial minister, Carpenter and Joiner. >
Hestess-Dear me, the conversation is
tagging. What can we do to amuse our
guests? Host-I don't know, unless we
leave the drawing room for few min
ntes and give them chance to talk about
rs,