Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-10-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Goes into tea without being asked.
Milk.
Society leaders are in the swim every
where but at the seaside.-Puck.
Arbitration gives two parties the
halves of pretty stale and bitter loaf
Puck.
Ladies' change-that found In the
pockets of husbands at night. t.--Boston
Courier.
1t may be said of a man who invests
in a quarry that his lot is hard one
Yonkers Gazette.
Some men stand on principles, Others
trample on them. The latter, naturally,
make the most noise.
Silver is sold in France by the "kilo."
In this country 1t comes in quartz
Commercial Adoertiser.
A man must necessarily have sharp
eye in order to cast a piercing glance
Bingltamton Republican,.
ga good lathcring is the first requisite
of good shave" cit is also the best
thing for bad shaver. "-Ncw York
Herald.
''Do you dictate to your typewriter2"
stI used to do so, but l married her and
now she dictates to me. boston
Courier.
There is reason in all things. Few
never call tk5ir wives sold hens" until
they became broilers.- Commercial Id
gertfser.
Dedhed--"S doctor, what kind of
medicine will cure my cold9" Doctor
Smart-"The kind l prescribe. ."-Ydn-
kee Blade.
An uptown man recently left his
family and has not since been found, al
though his nose turned up.--PhIadel-
phiG Times.
If money could be borrowed as easily
as trouble, the world would be full of
round -shouldered people.-Iadianapolis
RAMS Horn.
Waggin' Their Tongues. you
ever know that wagon spoke9" eyes,
heard one complain about being tired"
The BoSt0nian.
"Will you love me when I'm old2"
sang maiden of uncertain age. ''Will
II" murmured a crusty old bachelor.
"Do I, you mean9"-- Washington Star.
you'll be President, perhaps,
II well you run life's race"
s'Pd rather be, =" the boy replied,
''The man who plays first base"
-Wdshington Post.
"The new assessor is very honest
man." "You don't say sol What has
he been doingw "Why, he told me he
often taxed his own memory. West
Shore.
"Judge," said the prisoner, who had
robbed an art store, in pleading tone,
"there amt any law to prevent mans
taking photographs, is Thereof Chicago
Tribune.
Groom-"A ring around the moon is
the sign of rain" Bride (sweetly)-
"And a ring around woman's finger is
the sign Of" Groom-(sadly)
"Reign. ."-Je0elers Weekly.
Miss Amy-"Now I'll sing you only
Lock of Her Hair" Young Dolley
(after she has made several false starts)-
"You don't seem to have the right key
for that lock" ."-Lippineott's.
Susan (reciting)-tHalf league, hall
a league, half a league onward" Fa-
ther-''There, Susan, that'll do. We
don't want any of that baseball nonsense
in this house. Boston Transcript.
If progress, now so fresh and fleet,
Keeps on, it's just as like as not
Wo'll take our baths, and shave. and eat
By putting nickles in the slot.
Washington Post.
First Citizen Cat street row)-''Is
that man lying in the ambulance one of
the fghtersa" Second Citizen-''No,
he was passing at the time and tried to
stop the fight. There go the fighters
wnllxing off now Boston Herald.
''No," said Professor Feelem, the
eminent phrenologist, my profession
does not yield a life full of sunshine, as
many suppose, 1 tell you;" and he
wiped away tear. ''rve felt some
pretty hard bumps in my life. Light.
'sAre you a student or practicing
physiclan9" asked the young woman of
the young man who had been known as
"Doctor" since last June. DNeither,"
he said, with depth of disappointment
which she could not fathom.-- Washing.
ton Star.