The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1890-08-29


Visitor-''The portrait is very hne,
but you seem to have devoted more
time to the hands than to the face.n
Artist = That's so. You see the
hands pay over the money."-Teras
SJtings.
Peter-''On your prospects will de-
pend my acceptance of you as a SON
in-law." Would-be HIM!
Well, nay prospects depend entirely on
your acceptance of me as your son-in-
law."-LiJe.
DR.. Killiman-"Good morning, Mr..
Berrywell. How's business?" Mr.. Ber-
rywell (undertaker) Very good.
thank your Go get the full force of
this joke bear down very hard on the
word 'you". life.
She ,(suggestively) = I'Harry, isn't
that u grand picture of the 'Angelus'p
Those poor peasants bowling for min
ute in prayer when they hear the
church bell that tells them it is supper
time. IN. y San.
A man who was deeply in debt was
sick unto death. "Ah," he sighed, IF
I could only live until had paid of
my debts" "Humphr' sneered the
doctor bluntly, ''you want to live for
ever, do you?"-Ieras SJtings.
Mr.. Waxear-.'Glad to see young
Tocksin up in the choir Mr.. Chorister.
Estimable young man; well read in the
law, too" Chorister-'.He may be
read in the law, my friend, but he's
a yeller in the choir. Yonkers Gu
zette.
Charles Tin love)-"But you should
see her eyes when she is angry. They
flash like lightning" John (been
there)-''Yes, or when she's looking
for a new beau. Then she keeps 'em
peeled like thunder. "-Binghanton Re-
publican.
Jones-"Hello, Smith; back from
the West again, ehp What did you do
out thereP" Smith Started q paper"
Jones-"Aha! What was the name Of
it?" Smith-"A subscription paper to
get me back East again. "--Burlington
Free Press.
II don't see how Mrs. .McGay can
afford to wear so many tips on her hat.
There is row of them all the way
round the brim." afford ito L Won
der that she hasn't the whole hat made
of tips. Her husband is hotel waiter,
you know."-Judge.
Attorney-.'And now, Mr.. McCarty,
we will hear your opinion, as an eX-
pert, of the building" Contractor Nc
Carty-'It was bad, very bad, sor. 1t
couldn't have been worse job, your
Amer. if it had been paid for in adj
vance."-Ierre Haute Express.
Woman-"Here, take this coat"
Tramp know it's going to be a
hard winter, but style or nothing is my
motto. Fashion DEGREES that single
breasted listers shall be worn, and you
will notice. madam, that this coat has
two rows of buttons. l cannot take it,"
Boston Herald.
First Little Boy-"My pops Meth
odist; what's yours?" Second Little
Boy-"Mine is theosophist." "The-
osophistp What's that?" II don't
know" "Why don't you ask your
pop?" 81 did, but from the way he
looked l guess he doesn't know either"
M Y. Weekly.
Mrs. Substantially you know, sir,
that you came home last night in an
utterly disgraceful condition." Mr..
Statesman Swallowing about quart
of water)-''Woman, do you know
that the time of year has arrived when
the country has to be saved again. ~
N. y Weekly.
The parties who undertook to show
the Pan-American delegates the indus
tries of the United States don't seem to
have understood their business. The
greatest of all American industries was
overlooked. The visitors were not
taken to see baseball match.-Nor-
yiStoa0n Herald.
Mrs. Fangle-"Did you see DR.. Big
pill last night dear?" Fangle (absent
mindedly)-"Yes, saw him and went
him several better, mean, l saw him
for moment only, and forgot to tell
him to call and prescribe for you. I'll
telephone to him as soon as get to the
office. "-Epocb
From q Philosophers Note Book:
"One should never marry, because,
first, if the woman is plain she will
form too disagreeable an object of daily
III OhC oCil1
second, if she is good looking she will
prove too irresistible an attraction to
other people. "-Judge.
Mr.. Gotham-'Live in Minneapolis
ehP Pretty cold country there. isn't
it?" Minneapolis Man : "Coldp"
Eyes. understand you have ice pail
aces there" 'In Minneapolisp No,
stree. You're away off. Wehave corn
palaces and tropical fruit shows in Min
neapolis. The ice palaces are in st.
Paul."-M Y. Weekly.
Freddy-"Ma, whenever pa meets
DR.. Vandel he always says to him,
How ara you, old hoss!' What does
he mean by that?" Mao, it's moth
ing more than term to express thor
ough familiarity" Uncle JOSH May
be; but / rather think he calls the doc
tor old hoss' because he's such a ia
nous charger. "--Ricinond Dispatch.
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DtCOYlNC FISH ON LAKE ERIE.
Sitting In Little Stove-Ueated Shanties,
Ready for All Sortg Of Game.