The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1890-06-05
written for THE NATIONAL TRrBUNE.1
WEALTH BINTS
For Old and Young.
by FELIX T.. OSWALD, NJ. D.,
Author of Physical Education; Household
Remedes": The Bible OF Nature" etc.
CHAPTER Xxx.
NHAFIHH IINhs
POPULAR FALLACIEs-(continued).

tOi ObAH bhbsAtlfso NSohblhuouJs
Western paper tells good story about a
militia officer who called on lady friend in
tho hope of dazzling her with the splendors Of
his new uniform.
"Well, who is down there2" asked the young
lady when her little brother returned from
preliminary interview with the rcsplendent
visitor.
81 don't know don't know" gaspod the
little fellow, but believe it's God!"
similar delusion appears to actuate the
purchasers Of certain medicated brandy bottles
with their labels of gorgeous embcms. Mounted
heroes Staying cOied monsters of the pit, or
winged ministers of mercy descending with a
sample bottle Of tho invaluable tonic. That
tonic is not only credited with nutritive and
DEMONSTRATING properties of the highest order,
but is expected to work miracle by enabling
its purchaser to neglect the heath-law5 of
Nature with permanent impunity. Eat less
meat and more fruit; take more outdoor ex-
ercise," is an advice that would greatly dis
please nine out of ten dyspeptics; they want
no prescription of that sort, but expect their
doctor to devise a compound that will enable
them to digest large quantities Of unwhoesome
food eaten with an admixture of prepOsterous
spices and at the most unfayOrabe time of the
day.
That deluson is encouraged by the frst effect
of the magic "stiuulaut." large dose Of
alcohol, administered to persons unaccustomed
to the use OF distilled or ferinentcd beverages
will Mt first rouse every organ of the surfeited
system by obliging it to Gkpcnd all its reserve
stores of vital energy in the effort TO rid itself
OF lite-cndangeriug poison. But does that
process Of irritation benefit the relief-seekiBg
patfentP Let mo illustrate tho problem by a
geological analogy. A few years ago travel
ing Snowman got dead broke" in a city of
the Upper Ohio Valley and left for parts uu-
known, without taking tho trouble to remove
box of trained monkeys, entrusted to the care
Of suburban freight-dcpot. Tho poor four
handlers were used to the hardships Of the road,
and kept their peace for several days, but at
tho end of a week their groaus attracted the
attention OF the depot master, and when tho
box was opened nine OF the twelve involuntary
travellers proved 10 have been reduced to a state
OF apparently hopeless exhaustion. Some of
them crouchod in "A corner, pressing their
aching heads against the boards Of their cage
others lay stretched ont on the floor, and were
too weak TO move when the rcscuing party
offered them drink of water
"Get dray and tax that box to Old Sandy"
bla dealer in birds aud pet animals said the
depot master. aud ask him if there is any
hope Of saving those Things, and If he would
likU 20 take care of them. We mustn't risk to
have them die on our hands"
Old Sandy was ont when tho drayman reach
cd the pct store. but the pet-dcaler's son, a
prccocious youngster of II, volunteered to de-
eide the question rs TO the possible survival of
the afflicted strangers. Hold on there a
minute, and I'll get them something that will
wake them up if they amt ready for tho
sausage maker said Sandy, junior, and pres
emily returned with halftRmcd black snake,
which he inserted through the bars OF the cage.
The effect was magical The moment the rep
tile dropped on the floor Of the box the diving
monkeys started up with loud shreks, and in
the next second wore all clnging to tho upper
cross. bars Of the box, scratching and biting
each other in desperate effort 70 reach the
corner faFihcst removed from the lurking place
Of the dreaded intruder. The snake had coiied
herself mp at the bottom Of the cage, but soon
crawled out again and slipped into the tail box
Of the wagon, where she was Tecaptured by the
Juvenile exPerimcntcr
well look at that" said the depot clerk,
who had IN the meantime come up 10 learn the
result of the diagnosis; Old Sandy must have
given them n good dose of something or other
10 bring them round so quickly. Why, they
look as lively as cage full Of weasols !"
The monkeys were darting to aud fro in q
state of wild excitement. but soon after half Of
them were hugging the floor again, and before
night FIVE of tho snake-stmulatod patients
gave up the ghost in commissions.
A bottle of mcdicatcd snake juice performs
its work in a precisely analogous manner In
spite of their iar-goue state of exhaustion, the
digestive organs of the crapulent dyspoptic arc
reused into fever of unuatu raj activity as soon
as dose OF alcohol is brought in contact with
their sensitive tissue; the whole system works
away like force pump under high pressure,
till the poison dose has been sufficiently elimi-
mated Ia avoid its worst effects. But the mo-
meut that task has been accomplished the or
gauism will relapse into its state OF torpor. aud
the patient will feel worse than before by inst
as much as his little remaining strength has
been still further exhausted by the baueful ir-
ritlnt. The dull headaches, the feeling OF
languor and life, WEAKNESS return in aggravated
form; digestion again becomes tardy and
lahorious; the patient tries in vain to get an
hour of sound sleep, aud wakes unrelreshed
from hafsiumber ofnightmares and morbid
visions. lIe would gladly purchase rest by
exercise but lacks the courage and the requisite
amount oil physical energy. Mental labor, too
becomes more and more distastelu and his
aching brain is tormented by the strangely
combined misery OF rGstlessness and nervous
aversion TO active effort. One expedient how
ever still remains. The much-needed relief
can at any time be purchased by a repetition
OF the stimulant process vague misgiying
that the remedy is worse than the evil-indeed
the sure means of aggravating that evil TO a
hopeless dcgree-Inuy now and thenahau the
bettcr instincts OF the patient, but the torment
of a congested liver repeats its cries of relief
at any price " too loud and incessantly, and in
four out of five such cases the vender of the
miraculous tonic can count upon the patronage
OF permanent customer.
Considering the claims of the inventor the
price of his g tonic" seems really marvelously
low, but the trouble is that the stimulating effect
OF the preparation decreases with every dose.
while tho distressful after effects as steadily
increase. As natural consequence the amount
OF the dose, too has TO be increased from week
to week, till at last the very paroxysm of the
poison fever can hardly restore the feeling of
negative comfort experienced in the intervals
of digestive Distress before tho poor dupo of
the sham remedy had been induced to take the
risk of the hanefnl experiment.
Only then the eyes of the victim are opened
to tho full Significance of his mistake, but by
that time the morbid poison hunger, resulting
from the repeated indulgence of every stimu-
liant vice, is apt TO have assumed a chronic
form. The patient has become slave TO his
drug, and his deliYeranee can DO achieved only
by an amount of fOrtitude and self-denial far
exceeding that which "A year ago might have
suiliced to free him from the bondage of dys-
popsia.