davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
TOUCHES OF SARCASM.
Biting suggestions Conveyed In q Ter
and Pithy Manner

Biting Suggestions Conveyed In n rersa
and Pithy Manner.
Like ridicult irony is often more eff
fective than argument, and may convey
suggestions and ideas in a terse and
plthy manner, as when one says: 'sYou
can't always Judge by appearances; the
man who wears diamond pin NAV be
really wealthy"
gentleman, 1t was once said, never
infiicts pain. On which a wit remarks:
This Is hard on the dentists"
Not bad story is told Of an aged
clergyman who met a. man loudly de-
claiming against foreign missions.
why" asked the objector, doesn't
the church look after the heathen at
homer 1--WE do" said the clergyman,
quietly, and gave the man tract
$50 far as you saw" said counsel TO
a witness, ''she was doing her ordinary
household duty?" Il should say So
she was talking" was the ironical reply.
HE never had but one genuine case
in his life" said lawyer of a rival,
"and that was when he prosecuted his
stpdies.''
Some lawyers have had curious ex-
periences of ironical wills. There is
the not unfamiliar case OF the French
merchant who left handsome legacy.
to lady who had refused to marry him
twenty years before, in gratitude for
her kindness in not taking him ct his
word.
There is good deal OF pointed satire
in such ironical iaeetie as the following:
1--WE are reminded that the mania for
adnlteration is so great that you can't
buy quart of sand and be sure that it
is not half sugar"
A resident in suburban house was
asked how his house had Jared during
snow-storm. .Oh, badly was the re-
ply; ''my cistern is tho only dry place
in it..
"Wotll I do with this burglar alarm,
Bill. take it along?" asks burglar num-
Der one. Second burglar: .sYes; slipit
in the bag, we can get something fog
ft.''--Yanlxee Blade.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
THEIR FIRST QUARREL

1t Was Caused by Counting Chickens Re-
fore They Were Hatehed.
Mr.. Newlywed-Fanny. Uncle Toms
will Is to be read tomorrow, and as
always was favorite nephew of the old
gentleman's / am sure to come in for
something.
Mrs. Newlywed-Oh, how nice, WIFI
Then we can give up this horrid fiat and
build sweet little Queen Anne house in
the country, and
"You mean brick house uptown"
mo, dear, Queen Anne cottage, with
gables and"
Queen nothing, pet! couldn't bear
to live in cottage, you know. What
we want is"
Nothing of the sort. Will! 1 want a
cottage. and l can't live in an uptown.
stuffy-"
''Stuffy, eh? I'd like to know what can
be more stuffy than little, squeezed-up,
one-story-"
'Will, you mean thing! You are so
unreasonable, and"
Unreasonable, is it? I'd have YOU un-
derstand, Frances, that am very rea-
sonable man"
"No you are not! You never do anv
thing want you to, and you always try
to displease me. You are"
Look here, madam, that will do,
took you when you were without a cent.
and you promised to obey me. and now,
when l have plan to make you happy,
you" -.
''Happy could never be happy with
such brutel If 1 had only known what
you were, l never would have married
youp'
Il wish you had then. for you are no
wife for young, sensible man, who
likes to be peaceful and"
PEACEFUL Who started all this dis
pute, should like to know2"
why, you didP
"1didn'tr'
"You didI"
''You know didn't, So"
81 repeat, it is all your faultr'
20. boo-hool hooi 1 am going home
to my motherl'
go, and be-" (slams the door).
Mr.. Newlywed next eveninPl-Fan-
ny, Uncle Tom didn't leave me a cent?
Mrs. Newlywed (lSissing him)-rm so
glad!-Lawrence Mass American.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
ANSAS, "WEDNESDAY, MARCH 10 1890 43 =

not even the lay sisters, are allowed in
side the cloister, and the Bishop can
enter only once year. The doors all
have double locks, one on the inside
and the other on the outside of the in
closure. Any Catholic who enters the
cloister without permission incurs ex-
communication. The chaplain or priest
can not enter the part of the chapel
where the nuns are. Even the Bishop
when the inmates are electing their SUI
perior must take the votes at the grill.
In case of sickness, when it is necessary
to call a priest or doctor to the cell, thev
have to be accompanied by two of the
elder sisters Otherwise no one ever
crosses the line Of the cloister. The
visitation nuns of the Clinton avenue
convent in this city observe these strict
prohibitions of the cloister in modi-
fed manner, so as to be able to teach.
The Dominican nuns keep up perpet-
ual alteration of the Blessed Sacrament
in their chapel, two of them kneeling
before the altar in prayer day and night
This takes thirty.flve sisters In addi-
ton to this perpetual prayer the work
these nuns do consist in embroiderinp
vestmentsand making altar linen. They
wear peculiar kind of shoe made OF
hemp, which they manufacture them
selves
AS in dress and objects of the several
orders their methods of receiving postu-
lants also differ, but they are essential
features common to all. The cutting of
the hair is done in all orders, and in
most ancient custom. From the primi-
tive times when virgin consecrated
herself to God, her hair was cut off.
This ceremony is mentioned in the lives
of st. Syncletica fourth century, and
st. Gerthrude of Nivelle Seventh cent
ury). Nuns take solemn vows binding
for life, but members of the modern
communities, like the Sisters of Char
ity, st. Joseph, ETC., take vows only for
year and renew them annually on
some special day. In the ceremony of
profession the novice is covered with a
pail to signify her death to the world,
while the choir and attending nuns
chant the De Profundis and TIE Deum.
That is what probably gave rise to the
question about the coffin. In Rome
there is contemplative order so strict
ly cloistered that they are called Sep
ulta Viva-the buried alive-so dead
are they to every thing in the outside
world. Brooklyn Eagle.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
cAPRIcIous MATILDA.
4 Maniac,s Story.

Ipassed in a morbid mood one day through a
place where maniacs dwelt,
And a pensive pleasure while wand'ring
there foolishly thought felt.
And as with a thoughtful air 1 stood by pa
tient maudlin mad,
An interval OF lucidity the unfortunate being
had
A garment they call the straight-jacket was
DER his anatomy slipped,
While drops Of water from up above on his
Uranium slowly dripped
AS he raised his lugubrious eyes to mine I
experienced feelings queer,
For / recognized an old friend and asked:
"Old friend, what do you here?''
"'Tis a lurid story, old fellow" he said, with
dreary doleful smile;
But If you are partial TO wild, weird things,
my recital may beguile.
Know then that here in maniac's cell I
bide whatever bctide
Because OF wOman's perfldy, which her
name was Matilda Mcbride
"When Matilda and were first engaged I'd
luxuriant beard and hair,
Which were neither remarkably dark nor
yet extraordinarily fair;
But Matilda disliked them much and oft, be-
sought me in manner fond
To bleach my hair and whiskers. I did, con-
verting the same TO blonde.
" At first she admired me thus, but soon her
taste took another tack,
And nothing would do but her lover true
must dye him a somber black.
I yielded weakly again TO please this most
capriciOus of iades
And dyed my hair and whiskers as black as
the ace OF spades
"Next day she thought that a shaven face
would become me exceedingly we'll;
bade farewell to mustache and beard with
a sorrow no tongue can tell
Yet still she was quite unsuited, for before o
fortnight fed
"A face so smooth was effeminate' capricious
Matilda said.
" Ere long she wanted my hair done up in
papers to make 1t curl.
mildly consented, for / would have gone to
the moon to please that girl
The following day, in her artless way, with
an irresistible smile,
She proposed that / wear my curly hair cut
short in States prison style.
"'Twas done, but her next caprice was one
that filled me with dire dismay,
For she thought I'd certainly look my best
with my hair premature gray.
She set about by her conduct, then, to turn
my hair snowy white,
But human nature could stand no more and
my reason took its flight.
$50 if you ask me- old friend, the cause of my
sitting here all day
In an nill- fitting straight jacket much too small,
while yon dripping streamlets play,
answer" The keeper shut the door in q
manner cruel and grim.
And said: THAT there's his delusion, sir;
Lor', you mustn't listen to him"
Harry B. Smith in America.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
TROUBLE IN THE COLONY.
Bweet-winged Peace Had q Hard Time {
Assert Her Sway.

eweet-Winged Peace Had q Hard Time to
Assert Her Sway.
There was ''bad blood" between
them, for the whites of the eyes of
both of them showed plainly. Their
faces were not pale, for nature had not
made them that way. They were dark
black, one might say with all frank,
ness. There was a mingled expression
Of contempt, disgust and pity on each
ebony face. Finally one of them said:
"Wha' TO- yo' go ter tell Miss Sadie I
ain no gen'lm'nP Yo' aim no gen'l'ru'n.
ter talk lack dat"
Don yo' say ain no genI'm'n, boy.
Yo' aim nuthin' more n chile''
II show yo' eff I'm boy, yo' sinner, Of
yo' talk like dat.''
Don yo' banter me, Andy Nose;
ain standin' no foolin' dis day"
II ain sceered no man lack yo.' Fer
d cents l go n smash yo' ugly face, yo'
rascal"
Don yo' call me no teef"
81 ain call yo' no teef. 1 call yo'
rascal"
"Yo' aim no cause ter call me teef"
'Rascal, 1 call yo', Mistah Nose"
mo genlm'n call mother teef ,thout
he pay de cost"
'Wha' yer go'n' do eff l call yo' teef2'
81 call you mother n tell yo' yo' aim
no gen'l'm'n,"
Don yo' call me teef" Shores my
name Abe Jackson, So'n' hurt yo',
man.
"Yo' can hurt me-yo' nuthin but
boy
"Ef you dom clos yo' mouf da's go'n'
be trubble. Now, wan you; da's go'n'
be t-ubble."
Ain lackely be trubble foh me-"
''Tm dat mad / could almost strack
yo', boy"
'You strack mer' e<
IL strack yo', suah."
"Yo' aim got no cause ter call me
teef."
''Yo' ain got no cause ter call me
no genpm'n."
81 amt call yo' no genfm'n."
Den, amt call yo' no teef."
II axceps yo' 'pology, Mistah Mo'se.n
81 axceps yo' 'xplanation, Mistah Jack
SON."
Il tor dat brack Andy yo' aim said dat
bout me-"
''Yo' done 'jes right, Mistah Jackson. /"
II go'n' ter call him ter reck' nin'.s
Oats right; he ain no good, dat
Andy"
"Yo' health, Mistah jackson"
"Yo' heath fust, Mistah Mo'se.-N.
2. Tribune.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19

can for help"
'But nobody will hear u.s." said
George, discouragingly.
The two boys then set up long. loud
shout. They repeated It at short inter-
vals until their voices were hoarse. The
snake and alligator no longer slept but
moved around uneasily as if they dis
liked so much noise.
AS their last and only resort the bows
kept shouting and screaming, almost
crying, for pains began to shoot up
their legs from their wet feet. No one
seemed to be within calling distance.
The sun slowly sank lower and lower
toward the western horizon, and night
was near at hand.
''Oh, dear, what can we do? Well
get killed if we stay here after dark, -
sobbed James. Help, help, help!" he
then shrieked in desperation.
"Hello-o-ow
The boys started as they heard this
response. Then they answered it with
repeated cries. Some one was coming
to their rescue.
In about fifteen minutes Mr. Bullock
pushed his way through the hommook
to the strange scene.
What's the matterP" he inquired, in
stern voice.
The boys soon explained the circum-
stances to him.
"Humph, that's 1t, is it?"
He had brought his gun with him, and
it did not take him long to fll the
rattler with heavy buckshot. The boys
then stepped across the dead body of
their enemy and reached the mainland.
$50 you have had pretty good scare,
reckon" said Mr.. Bullock, as he
looked at the two frightened faces.
well, was going to scare you with a
whip for not obeying me, but think
you have been punished enough for
your disobedience. You can GO home
now while skin this rattler."
The two boys hurried through the
hommock, and did not stop until they
reached the house. Their afternoons
experience had taught them hard les
son, and the next time the brothers
went turkey-hunting they were careful
to first obtain their fathers consent
G. Ethelbert Walsh, in Golden Days.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19


was DARING. lie had the bridge across
Buffalo bayou destroyed during the
night, so that all escape for the Mexican
army was cut off, The morning of the
battle General Houston said that he was
awakened by the sun shining in his
face, and thought he beheld the sun of
Austerlitz. The Mexicans were en-
camped east of his position. Houston
waited until the sun had crossed the
heavens and was shining in the faces
OF the Mexicans before he made move
ment to assault their position.
THE ease-loving people about the
hour OF one in the afternoon began to
take their usual siestas, in which un-
fortunate pleasure they were engaged
when Houston attacked them. Mash
vile American.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
PRoPRIEToRs OF DOGS.
Observations Made by q Philosophical
New York Policeman.

Observations Made by q Philosophical
New York Policeman.
''It is a curious thing" said a park
policeman yesterday, that big dogs al
ways go with small people and small
dogs are invariably attached to men and
women of unusual stature. We have a
regular procession of dogs in the park
here, particularly on Sunday mornings,
and as they are brought in on strings it
is easy to identify master and beast.
have been observing men and dogs more
or less carefully for ten years, and when
Isee man | can pretty we'll tell the
sort of dog that belongs to him. Once
in awhile am thrown, as / was last
Sunday, when small, delicate and mel
aucholy man came dropping along by
the wall. tugging away at big chain
which he had in his hand. He looked
like clergyman, and l made up my
mind that he had very small Skye ter
riAr or a mongrel rat terrier with blue
ribbon around its neck. The wall is high
enough to see mans head and shoul-
ders, you know, but you can't see the dogs
over it. When the ministerial-loolxing
man hove in sight he proved to have three
of the most Notwithstanding bulldogs
l had ever seen in my life. They were
leashed to a cross-stick which was at
tached to chain, and they nearly pulled
the man off his feet. Every once in
awhile he clubbed the dogs with his
walking stick, but they took their pun
ishment like children drinking milk.
They were all fighting dogs, for they
were SCARED, bruised and battered, with
torn ears, and one of them had broken
leg. About dozen toughs followed at
distance of fifty feet looking worship
fully at the brutes. Very often an ex-
ceedingly small man, with very tall
hat, will wander in here, clinging to the
collar of mastiff, who literally drags
his owner all over the place. The big
dogs are merely a fashion. Nobody has
any use for them, for it is not safe to al
low them to run at large at any time, no
matter how we'll they are muzzled. Most
of them are of such gigantic size that
they knock children down very fre-
quently and sometimes cause serious ac-
cidents without being at all vicious or
ugly. They are simply playing, but
their strength is so great that they are
q menace to public safety."-N. Y. Sun.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
DEAD TO THE WORLD.
Nunneries Which Are Closed Even Il
Priests and Bishops.

Nunneries Which Are Closed Even to
Priests and Bishops.
severe order near enough to Brook
lyn to have its workings observed by
visitors Is the Sisters of St Dominic, Of
the converts at Newark, n. j., and
Hunts Point, n. Y.
This order is one of the strictest in
the church and the Hunts Point House
will be branch of the convent estab-
hshed in Newark, n. j., by Archbishop
Corrlgan when he was Bishop Of that
see. The sisters are strictly cloistered
and see visitors through double grill,
there being at least foot and a half
space between the two lattices, and they
keep their faces vailed while talking.
Their dress consists of a white flannel
habit and black vail. They wear the
habit day and night. They sleep in a
narrow cell, the furniture of which
consists of a wooden bed with husk
mattress and pillow. wooden table, q
large crucifx and statue of the Blessed
Virgin and wooden washbowl. They
go to bed at $50 o'clock and rise at mid
night to sing the mathis of the Office, in
Latin, until two a. m; then they go
back to bed until $40 a. M, when they
attend mass and sing another part Of
the office until eight o'clock. Break
fast is next served. 1t consists of cup
OF black coffee and piece of bread.
This disposed of they retire to their
cells until $40 o'clock, when they as
semble in the community-room to work
until 1880. A dinner of vegetables, fish
or eggs. and bread is next eaten. They
Eeyer use meat. The table furniture is
OF good--both forks and spoons. Every
thing they eat must be begged by the
lay sisters. From one TO two o.
M, they keep silence. and then work
and the chanting of the Office take up
she rest of the afternoon. After supper
they sing vespers and then 90 to bed at
half-past eight o'clock. No outsiders.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
TOLD OF SAM HOUSTON.
Fride In His Good LOOks-The Capture Of
Santa Anna.

Pride in His Good Looks-The Cauture Of
Santa Anna.
General Sam Houston was a hand
some and graceful man." said Judge
Thomas Berry, of Gallatin. He was dis
cussing the characteristics of celebrated
Iennesseeans with whom he had been
intimately acquainted
HE was proud of his fine personal
appearance, too," the aged speaker con-
tlnued, land there is told of him story
which, II true, will serve to illustrate
MS youthful vanity. When a young
man. SO the story runs, Houston was in
nashville one day, and was posing on a
prominent street corner, when two or
three giddy young ladies passed by.
Ihey were attracted by the handsome
man In his showy uniform, and after
passing him turned their heads to get
another glance.
wonder who that man is one of
them exclaimed TO her companions.
am, ladies, Lieutenant Houston
OF the United States army, said the
young soldier, as he made stem for
ward, and lifted his cap as he addressed
them.
General Houston told me once how
ne captured General Santa Anna. just
aIter the battle of San Jacinto two of
houston's men, who were searching for
prisoners, scared up deer, which ran
through the tall grass. The frightened
animal passed near to a Mexican. who
vas concealed in the herbage, and who
Jumped up In evident alarm. The two
lmmeolateiy secured the stranger. who
asserted that he was q common soldier
You are not said one of his can
tors; look at your embroidered vest.
You are an officer
ne Mexlcan, In his embarrassment
ran ms nngeIs into his Jacket nocket
arg orew out an elegant gold snuff-bor
Anls more than ever caused the Ameri-
cans 70 believe him an officer. He offered
snen large sum of money to release
am, out they refused, and started with
MIN 70 Houston's tent. As they passed
large group of Mexican prisoners.
these men cried out that Santa Anna
was captured
The Mexican General, thus exposed.
urged his captors to take bim at once TO
General Houston's tent. He remem-
bered the affair of the Alamo, and was
afraid that he would be summarily dealt
with by the Texan soldiers who began
70 crowd around. Santa Anna was, by
General Houston's order, transferred to
Washington, and from there, after he
had made treaty acknowledging the
Independence Of Texas, sent to Mexico.
The action of General Houston in
bringing on the battle Of San Ianinto
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19

scarcity OF food viii often eat their own
children.
They tattoo their children in the
crudest way, cutting parallel lines
across the breast and stomach with
sharp stones and clam-shells, and keep
ing the wounds from healing by filing
them up with ashes or charcoal. The
shoulders are cut in the same manner
until they look like epaulets.
Cultivation of the soil is unknown
among the aborigines; they subsist on
wild honey, snakes, roots, lizards and
edible beetles, with an occasional wild
animal. These beetles are broiled in
hot ashes until they are brown and Mr..
Lumholtz says they taste better than a
European omelette when cracked open.
The position Of women among these
savages is a very subordinate one.
They are expected to provide the daily
food and sally forth on long expeditions
for this purpose. If the husband gath
ers game or lizards or such delicacies he
keeps them for himself, while his wife
and child must submit on vegetables
and berries.
They frequently fog their wives bru-
tally, and if she runs away to some one
more kind, the husband is privileged to
MAIN her when he sees her. This is
what they call marking" woman.
Two wives is the usual matrimonial
equipment of warrior, and some have
five or six. A girl is delivered over to
her husband when she is nine or ten
years old, and as long as they remain
young they are sure of good treatment.
IN. Y. Journal.
Money talks" of course; but
couple of nickels in the contribution
box-from philanthropists in the front
pew-make more noise than five-dollar
notpS-N n picavuna
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
DEGRADED sAVAcEs.
Things Told by DR.. Carl Lumholtz About
Queensland CannlbaIs.

= AuIu Dy DF. CarI LunhOItz About
Queensland Cannlbals.
Beauty exists rarely among cannibals;
In fact, their features are distorted and
contracted as if the ligatures of their
faces had been cut when they were chill
dren like those Of the horrible Nero in
Hugo's ..L'Homme qui Ritr
1t Is on account of their unhealthy
food that children are weaned late, and
It even happens that child is nursed
atits mothers breast with the next older
brother or sister.
The advent of baby is not regarded
with favor and infanticide is therefore
very common. Horrible as itmay sound
TO civilized ears. mothers during =
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
CHURCHES.

DAPrfST-Preaciing each 7unj.ay at IL n.
DIN. aud at 30 y. III at the courthouse sun
day school at 10 UO'clJCk,a a m prayer meeting
Wednesday evening OF cuch week. Rev w a
Cain. Pastor. Residence ON Cor Lincoln Ave.
and Cherry streets
NHRISriAN.-Preac every sunday ri
- II O'clock. Al. m, ami 7:jJ y. m, by Elder
J. Il. Nicholson. Prayer meeting every Wei
nesday night. sunday school AZ Jo'cio"k Il. III.
every Sunday.
METHODIST EPISCOPAL.-ScTvicct every
AN4 Sunday at IL :U0 a. III. aud ! 30 p. III. sun
lay school every Sunday at 10 n. IN. Prayer
mectinS every Wednesday evening AT % b.
strangers invited. X. SANDERsON, Pastor.
DRESBYTERIAN.-S every sunday NJ
L IL II. III. and 80 p. III. Sunday school nj
l0a. III. j B. NOKTH. Pastor.
CATHOLIC CHURCH-S Services on 2nd
sunday of every month at Sherlocks hall, at
1000 a. IN. REV. LITTER Pastor.
GERMAN BAPTIST BHETHREN-Iiold reg
" ulHr services at MingOna, Barber county,
the second and fourth Sundays in each month.
At Forrest school house on the second SUNDAY {;
Cedar Creek school house on the third Sunday.
BY Elders Shambcrger, Smith and Neher.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19
The example of Philadelphia in tn,

The example of Philadelphia in the
matter of theater services for nom
church-goers is being very widely felt,
Similar services have been begun in
Boston. Archdeacon Mackay-Smith,
who is responsible under the Bishop for
the evangelistic work Of the Episcopal
church in New York, lately went to
Philadelphia to observe the services at
the Continental Theater. Rev. Arthur
Brooks, who preached there a few
weeks ago, was greatly impressed with
the work, and expressed determination
to see if something similar can not be
done IN Gotham.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-03-19

D EPRESENrS the best Loan Company dnn
LII business in Kansas. and be is prepa red IL
make favorable terms to all desiri Y farm
loans. He cannot be beaten on interest.