Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-07-07
LICE lED FLEAs.
TWO FRISKY CREATURES THAT MAKE
LIFE HARD FOR WOMEN.
"Jack bod" Tells How His Mother-in.
Law Corraled a Rodent-The
Very Naughty Flea.

SOAAo1Cu
Very Naughty Flea.
1t is curious fact. Mr.. Editor {but fact
nevertheless), that the average woman is q
conundrum. You may call her your
sweet, brave little darling-that is, if she is
not some other fellows wife or darling
but in nine cases out of ten she is not; that
is, she is not brave; she may be your darl-
ing (the average woman dearly loves to be
somebody's darling), but as matter of fact
women are not brave.
Now, for instance, could anyone be
called brave who would climb tree from
mouse? But it is well-known fact,
handed down by our ancestors, that ninety.
nine women out of every one hundred will
run from mouse. Now, not any longer
ago than last night l, in a playful mood
yelled Rats " and with scream of fright
my wife gathered her skirts in bunch and
jumped upon the nearest chair, and ]
couldn't persuade her to "come off the
perch until had taken cast. iron swear
that there was no mouse in the room. But
the one hundredth woman has been found
the one who is not afraid of an innocent
little mouse; that woman is my mother. in.
law.
The mother-in-law, you know, is much.
abused person, and at divers times very
justly SO. She is stigmatized as she.
devil.on- wheels, catamanan, termagant,
and what not; but there would be rather
slim work for the census enumerators were
it not for the mother-in-law. She may Just
drop in to visit you for day, and stay q
month, but during that time she will darn
all of your old socks, give you a few
gentle hints about staying home evenings
to get acquainted with your family, lecture
you mildly about the duties of husband
and father, ct cetera; but withal she in an
institution that would be rather difficult of
extinction. While visiting us recently nv
wife's mother demonstrated the fact that
she is not a coward. A mouse suddenly
made its appearance one day while thew
were in the kitchen, and with scream like
Comanche squaw, my wife gathered up
her skirts and jumped on top of the dining
room table, and begged her mother to do
likewise. But not SO the mother. She.
brave old soul, got the poker and
went cunning for the rodent. A
lively go-as-youplease match was the re-
suit, till finally the mouse disappeared. 1t
was at once surmised by my wife that the
terrible, dreaded result had happened
that the mouse had sought seclusion in her
mothers skirts land such proved to be the
case.
Mother" she screamed Where is il?
is 1t In your dress, or in your skirt, or
your-your-or where is it? Oh, it will
scratch you!-it will bite you!-where is it,
mother-where is ii?"
Such EXPLANATIONS as the above made
the air blue for several seconds. Finally
the mother slipped in a word edgewise,
and informed her excited daughter that
she had him." While exploring the va
rious recesses of his new quarters for a
comfortable place to quiet his excited
nerves, the mouse had been captured from
the outside by the plucky mother-in-law.
and the squeeze that she gave him caused
him to drop down dead at her feet.
Now, why is 1t that woman has such a
holy horror of a mouse? She would run
from one quicker than she would from an
elephant mouse might run over all the
intricacies of mans trousers, etc. but
he wouldn't be scared; he'd simply grab
the mouse and squeeze the dsylights out
of him, and that would settle it. But if a
mouse even looks at a woman crosseyed,
she'll get up on her hind legs and veil
bloody murder.
Next to the mouse the festive flea is the
bane of woman's life. The flea is very
small animal. but he gets there with both
feet. The great trouble with a flea is, that
when you want him you can't find him.
He is very playful little cuss and is
always lodging around some corner 10
avoid Won rant fob ~ e l.
cheese and capture him, like YOU can a
mouse. Not much it takes diplomacy to
capture flea, together with wet fingers
and diligence of the most diligent kind.
My wife says you must always wet on
your fingers when you go flea hunting,
and she ought to know. She tries to cap
ture more teas Tor tries more to capture
one f1ea) than any wife l ever had. You
ought to see her after a feat is picnic.
Women have hard times these DAYS of
tight corsets and fieas.
When you see woman in church begin
to wriggle and twist about in her seat,
your soul should go out in sympathy for
her. Ii she looks as though she were about
to faint, then your soul should go out in
more sympathy. She won't faint, how.
ever, for pretty soon the flea will make a
change of base, and she has relief for a few
iCtty eOOil, uOWtNeT, the Ied
begins to thirst for more worlds to conquer.
and begins maneuvering for deadly as
sault. He Frances up the north side and
then down the south side of the poor
afflicted woman, and then she gets up and
goes out. She can't capture him, though,
till she gets home, because she has got to
get down to the bottom facts before she can
locate him.
Why flea should be SO particular. l am
at loss to understand. He certainly ought
to be satisfied with any location he can
prove up on and get a title to. But he is
not satisfied with anything short of home
stead.
According to size and amount of capital
invested, the flea gets greater returns for
his labor than any one l know of.
/ saw lady try to catch flea not long
ago, but ii was a dismal failure. Finally
she gave the job up in despair and ex-
claimed, in Tightly manner, that the per.
son who would invent flea-trap or flea.
exterminator would receive her undyine
affection and regard, besides making an
independent fortune from those similarly
afflicted throughout the land.
JACK DOB.