The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1890-07-05
I i HUMOROUS DRlF WOOD ].


mo news is good news, perhaps.
hut you can e make an editor believe II.
Edith--"It's little things that tell ia
this life = 5 &. 4.
Alice Well. you'd think 80 if you
had two small brothers, as II have"
she has the disposition Of q flannel
shirt" y
what Oh earth do you meant"
.'She is a shrinking little thing"
Managing Editor Ito telegraph editor)
-"Anything from the CORY counties OF
KentuckY?"
Telegraph editor Yes. sir; \ feud
details" h
PATIENT Dung man, what was that
dose you gave me afore you yanked tn
tooth?''
The Dentist-"C Cocaine and whiskey.
sir"
'Pun some more!''
Mrs Prim-''Y our husband Is quite
literary, am told"
Mrs. INSIST Yes. indeed. Why,
with his books aud papers he filters 9
room worse than any one [ ever saw. !"
Adolphus-'.Whe was little chap.
don't YOU know. my governor had 2
dog"
Kate-"You mean when you were
boy your father had puppy, don't you?
Well, what then? Excuse my interrupt
ing"
Mr.. Wheeler--''I suppose the great
and mysterious Robert has many ad-
mirers in Boston, Miss Emerson
Miss Emerson Why, yes, Mr..
Wbeeler-eyen the beans go through a
course of Browning before they come to
tho table,"
Henrietta-"Wh ON earth is that
long strip of cardboard on the table
| there?'
Mlriam-''That is MIR. Hicks card.
You know his name is Winthrop Stuv-
vesant Van Rensselaer, Henderson de
Pell Hicks. and it necessarily makes an
awkward card"
"Glad to see YOU said the cannibal.
"Thank you for you kind reception, :"
returned the missionary. II think we
snail get on famously together"
II hope So" observed the cannibal. +"
"Your predecessor disagreed with me. )"
"Where do YOU get your cigars. Brom-
ley?"
why do you want to know that?
! You've always blackguarded them 80. :"
II want to know because my wife OBJ
jects to tobacco smoke. and I've got to
smoke something"
SIS there an earthquake?" asked the
Emperor of China as the ground trem-
bled beneath his feet.
mo-" said the Vizier, 1.-The hammock
season is beginning in America, and
the vibration is only the effect of people
falling out"
Shoe dealer-*'I understand, sir, that
you said / was thief and robber. I
want an explanation
Blobbs (suavely )-"Slr, you are en-
tirely mistaken. What said was that
you sold shoes so cheap that you are
| almost free booter."
Little Brother See that pretty bird
out there in the rain. wish he'd 90
to sleep IN the grass, so I could catch
him."
Little Sister-''Why don't you wish
he'd 20 to sleep on the sidewalk, cause
then YOU would catch him without
getting your feet wet2''
Texas Editor-"A Mormon editor is
in Jail for supporting four wives"
Wife-"Y GU say he was an editor1"
''That's the way it reads"
''And he supported four wivesp"
just sou
''Well, don't believe it,
Tommy was PLAYING marbles on the
Sabbath. His mother did not approve
Of it. II know several little boys that
used to play marbles on Sunday she
said, land they always lost all they
had"
Tommy thought for a minute and
then said: Eyes, ma. it was unlucky
for them, but how 'bout the ones that
winnedp''
He (reading)-" Chicken, roast beef,
roast lamb, turkey. beefsteak, and
onions -
She (interrupting)-''I know what
would like, that is, if you ate some too. y
He bordering without hesitancy)-
"Beefsteak and onions for two"
She (rapturously)- "Oh, Georgel'
Miss Bartholdi (of New York -'.I
met gentleman last evening who was
a perfect type of your city,
Mr.. Proudofit (of Pittsburg)-"May L
have bill Of partlculars?''
Miss B.-"Well, he had coal black