The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-07-25
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Westward the Star Of Empire an


Westward the Star of Empire and
so Forth.
Among the many good things in
the last issue OF the Arizona Kicker
We extract the following, says the
Detroit Free Press:
Our Gain.-Monday afternoon an
Italian with II dancing bear struck
the town, and half an hour later Col.
oncl Siderial Thompson, assistant
register OF deeds. awoke from IL
snooze he had been enjoying in an
arm chairin the Mighty West billiard
parlors. When the colonel saw the
bear dance he made up his booty
mind to have II waltz with him. His
friends called him Of. but he was pic.
headed and Obstinate and refused to
stay off. He suddenly jumped in on
the bear with vcliand IL whoop, and
being NV TO our ways the beast
probably supposed himself attacked.
AT amy rate he set to work wit til teeth
aud claws, and so used he colonel
up in about three minutes that lie
died that night. Tin GENERAL verdict
OF the public is that his loss is our
gain. He had no enterprise as aci,i-
zen. and us II man SON" uf us would
have to plant him within few weeks
any how.
Settled at l.ast.-.ts will bnnoticcl
clswhcrc in the regular courtprorce,l-
ings, he legal trouble between the
editor of the Kicker and Prof
Mccall has ut last been settled
and an amicnlln understanding
arrived at. The professor came hero
about two years AGO and beng in
hard luck borrowed our only Sunday
shirt and fifty cents incash. and later
on refused to either return the same
or recognize our claim. deposited
him as IL dead beat and he sued us
for $5o,"0o, We proved him Il big
nmist and he fired two shot at lis in
front of the postoiiice. We advised
lynrllng, and he WIS laid up for IL
month in the attempt to horscwhip
us. The professor instituted no less
than five suits against us, and on
several different occasions planned
our assassination.
Day before yesterday, while the
professor was lnying Tor us with Il
shotgun at the pustoilicc, he WAS
r"n over in Il slump"Iie OF mnl,S
We were the first to reacl him and
render aid. He WAS carried 10 The
Kicker office in an unconscious con
dition, and il WAS hui an hour hr orc
hecamcto. Mutual friends seized up
on tho OCCASION 10 settle the trouble
and th"r efforts We're successful. We
now desire to announce in italics
that he professor is an honest,
worthy gentleman, Possessed oi IL
fine Voice and we'll qualified tn teach
the divine art otmusir. On throriirr
hand. he suIscribes for the Kicker,
paying in advance. of course. and
udvcrtises to the extent OF S2i per
year.
Apply to the Coroner.--.Iust as our
outside pages were going to press
Judge Knight called mt The Kicker
office and invited lis tn ride out to
Lone Tree with him in his horse and
buggy. and hall an hour later W"
ware there. The boys had nrscr,icd
us, and we found them in ~ circle
around DIR. Il. Is. Eeiin%er, late of
the Royal College of Me licinH q! Lon
don-the only discovercr of 81 sure
cure for consumption" The doctor
has l,ran with us III out IL month,
claiming tocure nlmos evcIythingon
earth. but after his remedies had
Knocked over hni::' IL dozen citizens
the boys conrlli,letl that it wis time
tor him to drop out. He refused to
drop. Hence Il committee cnl!eland
asked him to take Il walk. lie had
taken the walk and stood onn barrel
when we caught sight OF him. There
was Il connection between the doe
tors neck and and a stout limb, and
he WAS making IL speech.
The doctor recognized Us Mt once
and hesought lis to explain to the
crowd that he WAS in ii hurry to leave
the country. He couldn't fly but he
would do the next hes. thing. Al
though he had not advertised with
us and he had given all his job work
to our contemporary. we conl, not
refuse his request. As pnrsona Ia
vor to III; boys. aiterletting him hang
long enough toinsul'ra good cas-. ol
sore throat, cut him down, gave him
IL nipoI'whisky ami advised him ogo
east. He went. The last wcsaw ct
him he WAS making surhtlmrHs no
iuckrnbbit in this country can eve.
hope equal. Any one ,avineanv le-
gal claim on 1U1 bottles u!' Yusl,lmp-
tionrure, together witha machine tor
making pills, two packs of cards aud
Office furniture valued at !S3..!:l. will
pleaseapply to our worthy coroner,
While Dr. Brin@er still lives to the
world mt large. there isno doubt that
he il dead to this commuuity."