Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1890-01-23
THE ARIZONA KICKER. "
Real Editorial Happiness Pound Only In the
West


We extract the following items from
the last issue OF the Arizona Kicker:
APOLoGETICAI.-We must apologize
to our readers this week for any lack
of interesting matter in The Kicker
Monday morning, as we were busy at
the editorial table, that parsonage
known as kansas Joe" entered the
Office and fired both barrels OF ~ shot
gun at us from distance of eighteen
feet. One OF the shot raked our scalp.
while the rest passed above our head
into the wall. In another thirty sec
onds Joseph was dead. We pulled on
him with revolver under the smoke
and dropped him with single bullet.
Scores OF our leading citizens pro-
nounce it the finest shot they have
ever known.
There was the usual inquest, burial.
etc, occupying so much of our time
that we could not give the paper the
attention it deserved. Next week I'M
less we have to kill Tennessee Bill, the
Kicker will again be fully up to the
mark
HAPPENS Thar WAY - On Friday
afternoon weapproached Henry Smith,
Of the dry goods firm OF Smith Bros.
and suggested that he advertise his
business in the Kicker Hecourteous-
ly replied that he would see us in the
huckleberry country-whereve that
is-befOre he would do business with
us. One word brought on another,
and the result was that he knocked III
down, picked up our halflInconsciou-
body and mOpped it around until he
began to sweat his collar, and we were
then flung out OF the door into the
sand.
We can't and don't expect to lick
everybody We bump up against in this
country. We have chawed up seven
for every time we have been done up.
and erybOdy says this is a record to
boast OF. As for Henry smith, while
We owe him no grudge, we deem it our
duty to find out where he is wanted
by the police, and we'll bet barrel OF
sugar he jumps this town inside OF two
weeks.
LET HIM HowI.-Our bow-backed.
lOp-shouldered, knee-sprung, green-eyed
contemporary down the street is hall
dead with envy because we were the
leading feature OF Mrs. O'Hara' 5 party
the other evening, while he received
the cold cut. While We were receiving
a hundred compliments on our late
editorial i'm regard o colonizing Iceland
with American Indians, he was sitting
among his pastepots with a cold glare
in his eyes. While we were leading the
first quadrille he was kicking cock
reaches in the semi-darkness, and
while we were declalming sheridan
Ride in our own inimitable style the
fire OF envy was consuming his small.
cheap soul, which was doubtless pur-
chased at some secondhand sale IN
the east.
Let him howl, however. We can
afford to pass him by with good ma
ture. We are as far above the old vul-
ture as Pixies Peak is above the deep
est spot in the sea.
EXPLANATORY - An explanation i.
due our readers that still another
breach OF promise suit has been
brought against us. making the seven
teenth in two years. This time it is
the widow Cumbers who brings suit.
and she lays her damages at $4,000.
Society here is peculiar Lone women
seek this locality to catch a husband.
Any unmarried man is fair game, and
ordinary courtesy is construed { o mean
love and a proposal. Take the last
case, for instance. Mrs. Cumbers in
vited us to dinner. She said it was in
acknowledgment OF the power OF the
press. We put on a clean shirt and
combed our hair, and she took it to
mean that we were gone on her. We
spoke kindly OF the way she boiled
cOrntd beef, and she argued that we
loved her. We praised her prune pie,
and she replied that shecould be ready
in three weeks.
The sixteen other suits have all been
decided in our favor, and of course
this one will lie. 1t is plan to cap
ture us or our cash, but we don't sur
render. Even when we have had offers
to set tie SoO,UOO suit for 81 and
calico dress, we have sternly held to
our course and let the case 90 to trial
THAT's ACcORDING-A subscriber in
Massachusetts writes to inquire if this
climate is good for asthma. That's
according. We have known men to
come here and get their breath within
a week, and others to lose it inside oi
three days. 4 great deal depends on
the patient. ii he comes here with his
mind made up to play our game, drink
our whisky and mix in with our So
ciety, his asthma will soon leave him.
II he comes in the opposite spirit,
some one OF our tOwnsrnen will very |
likely feel it his solemn duty to give
the weary sufferer rest.