Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1890-05-15
TFor the Ellsworth American. |
A Heavenly Institution.

1t is said that marriages were made In
heaven, but some Of them got spoiled in
coming down. A good many other things
Of heavenly origin seem to get spoiled by
the time they reach us, and a good many
things seem never 10 have originated above
at all. But II there is one thing on this
earth which was planned In heaven and
sent straight down pure and unadulterated
via the lightning express, all charges pre-
paid-that thing is a church sociable Ia .
country village. OF course the carrying
out of the details is left TO us mortals, and
propose merely to give flying glance at
the methods IN common use in bringing
this delightful institution to the culminat-
ing point Of Its perfection.
The first thing In order is to see Mrs. A.
B. and G., Mrs. O. Y. and Y. to see what
they will do in the way Of preparing the
viands wherewith to tempt the last penny
from the pockets of the impecunious youths
who are expected to attend. One lady
promises plate Of doughnuts. II you can
send for them, but she can't carry them
for you. Yon mildly saggest that the so
cisblc is not for your personal benefit,
therefore the favor Is rot for you-it Is,
perhaps. to enable the congregation to
make up deficiency in the preachers sal
ary, as there seems 10 be no better way
just now. She doesn't AXE the hint. how
ever, but seems to think 1t is all for you
The next will give pie, but can't make
/ cake because butter ant eggs are 80 high.
| You suggest that 1t Will he an old folks
beans. 80. but beans are skurse and high, =
-but-well, she will give some brown
| bread, though 1t takes lot OF tire to cook
| H. SO II goes. but By dint Of days travel
| ing the things needed are all subscribed.
1 Then to get the tables and other necessary
articles. One has none but nice table
| cloths and can't spare them for a sociable.
/ Another has only silver knives and doesn't
want to risk them The next doesn't want
| 10 send any dishes as hers are all in sets
and she is afraid they will be broken.
| However. enough Of odds and ends are ac-
! cumulated at last, and the evening arrives.
| II has been proposed 10 have some en-
tcrialnmcnt before the supper The com
| pauy assemble-the entertainment is 10
commence with music The young lady
who plays only the piano Is there, but she
cant blow the organ. You offer to work
the bellows for her, bu, she hasn't her mus
ic and can't play without It, The young
lady who sings. but has len her book al
home, and the young man who can't sing
because he has a cold, and several Others
are there. They begin at last, and then we
shall have time TO look round the audience
the time.
Foremost Is the old lady who always
fries hers In lard and the music doesn't
disturb her in the least, for the louder 1t
rises the louder she fries hers. The deaf
old gentleman Is there too, who doesn't
hear a word of what Is going on and
buttonholrs his next ncighhor to give his
views on politics. so the music doesn't dis
turb him. Then there r. tie laxative lady,
who has all the latest gossip 10 canvass
music, and the moment one piece Is ended
She bcgs for another-"O, do play now.
and do Sing some more" and the instant
the next piece begins the conversation goes
ou-music Is 50 nice, you know.
Then the young lady with the high
pitched voice reads The Death of Little
Paul" and the small boy declaims You'd
scare expect one Of my age" etc.
Meanwhile the inevitable young man
who can't forrgo his precious cigar is
standing just outside the door and puiing
his delightful smoke full into the hall the
breeze from outside gently waiting its fra
GRANGE around. II he would only stand in
the hall and pun his smoke ont some would
feel better satisfied.
Next TO him Is the young man who thinks
this is pretty dull all run by church folks
no dance-a little of this will 90 good
way" etc.
The entertainment over, supper Is an
nounced and there Il a rush for the tables.
and calls Of More cofte-pass that pie
up here-giye me something decent If
you've got it-beans-coffee-ch
cotfee's cold-more ilk-sugar-spoons'
babel and bejlam mixed. But tins is
nothing to the time when the second table
Is to be served, and dishes must be hustled
Off -washed-wiped and hustled on again
as II the company had only twenty min
utes to live and ten of them were reserved
for refreshments. Then you find that the
dishwater is cold and the dish wipers wet,
and you would fain fly away to some far
country and be fed on husks
The crowning glory comes with the ice
cream, however. Some one announces
"ice-cream just as it is brought into the
hall, and before you get it uncovered there
is a rush Then for the first time it oc-
ours to the walters there should be a spoon
VI SUNNI SUI " UP IL Win, anu lUt UulS
thing to be found is teaspoon. The
cream is soft on the top and rery hard at
the bottom. owing to not having been
stirred since it was frozen sometime be-
fore. AS you ply your little teaspoon a
/ forest of arms rises over your shoulder
and you hear q chorus of cres-"Two
Creams-give me three creamS-creams for
four-spoons-more cream-hurry up that
cream-Tve been waiting an hour for that
cream-hurry up-cream-i-c-e-cream"
but you don't scream. though you want to.
After this, perhaps, is guess cake, or
an apron or tidy to sell-not by lottery,
that doesn't sound well, but you can guess
the number of beans in bottle, and the
nearest guess gives you the article. Did
1t ever occur to you, what an enormous
salary minister might get if every one Of
the good" people who, directly or ind-
| rectly, are concerned in any game of
chance. either by ''making, advertising.
purchasing, receiving. selling, offering for
sale. giving away, disposing Of or having
in possession with intent to dispose Of,
any ticket, certificate, share or interest
| therein" should be punished by "a fine Of
not less than 800 nor more than $1,000,
| CHATS the way the law reads) and half