Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1890-07-30
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
Old Lady-';.ee here, / sent my III
tie boy down lere ten minutes ago 10
get porous pl,ster, and you sent lhi'
thing home by him."
Drug Clerk-"Yes, ma'am; that's a
porous plaster"
Old Lady-"well,yo you can't palm of
an old plaster that's full Of holes on me.
II ys arn't got a good one, I'll 60 some
where else."
Trouble Breaks out Again-'This," "
growled the exchange editor, as be
looked at the thermometer, wiped his
perspiring forehead and glared deflantly
around tie room, as Friday"
"And tomorrow. snarled the real
estate editor, consulting the predict
ions and grabbing heavy paper-weiRht,
'.is going to be a Sadder-iay."
Mrs. Yeast. who always makes her
own bread declare, John. 1t is too
bad; YOU have come home without that
strychnine for The ratsi
Mr.. u east How were you gong to
use it, dearI
Put IL OF bread"
"Well, why not try the bread alone,
dear2
In ORIGINAL PACkAGES.-Farmer
-"COlne out here to the bars, Miss
Beacon Street, want to show you my
new Jersey calf"
Miss Beacon Street, (enchanted)-
"Oh, what a lovely little cowl Now,
suppose that Is the kind that gives the
condensed milk ism t itp"
Not True That he Never Worked
Lady (giving tramp luncheon)-''I
ought not to give you this. suppose
you never work"
Tramp ou are mistaken, madam.
L work hard every day.
Lady w hat do you do?'
Tramp -''1t's hard work getting
meals for nothing, 1 tell YOU"
WHY HE WAS TuERE-She (enthu-
siastically Oh, Georgel don't you
think tile greatest joy in life is the pur-
suIt of the good, the true and the beau
tiful?
He-You bet! That's why I'm here
tonight.
OF COURSE HE CAME-Dnshaway-
l don't SEE Why Travers don't come. /
invited him to dine with ina
CIeverton-Did he understand that
you were 10 pay for the dinner?
Dashaway-Of course.
Cleverton-IIere he Is.
Are you lobbyIst?"
''Oh dear, no. have only been in
the training school one year."
THE training schuol?"
Yes; the House of Representa-
tives.
Who, indeed? A famous artist once
painted an angel with six toes
'Who ever saw AN angel with six
toes!" people inquired.
"Who ever saw one with less?" was
the coun'er question.
Presbyterian Theo!osy-Mrs. Della
Creme-"W hat in the world is that
awful racket in the library? Somebody
being murdered?'
Mrs. Calvin (calmly)-"No, that is
my husband. He is discussing the re-
vision with Deacon Oldscl,ool.
Wickels They tell me, professor,
{ hat you lage mastered all tie modern
tongues.
Professor Polygot-All but two-my
wife'S and her mothers.
A GLUT ON THE MARKET-RaZzle-
bet can keep an umbrella longer
than any one.
Dazzie-Does that belong to you?
Razzle-Yes.
Dazzle-No wonder.
POINT FOR PROIIIBITIoNIsTs -
Teacher-What zone do we lIveint
Boy (who has an Incorporate fatlIer)
MIA says she thinks We must live in
the intemperate zone.
A BIG CRASH THAT big fireworks
company has gone up"
Whats the matter; bad business
management"
NO; cigarette smoking while taking
stock"
THE RIGHT TIME-First Clerk DO
you think old WIggins will raise my
salary II L ask him?
Second Clerk-If you ask him to-day
he will.
Why to-day?
He just got d vorce from his wife.
An honest old farmer once, address
ing school house audience on temper
ance, confessed that he had b, en- a
drinker. But, my friends" said he,
IN conclusion, IL never drank TO sue
cess"
THEIR PLACE OF SEPULCHRE-
"Where should mossbacks be buried?''
asked the Snake Editor.
I'm the cemetery, l SUPPOSE re-
piled the Horse Editor.
Don't you think a moss-oleum
would be the proper place for them?"
A RARE FREAK-Countrym fin
dime museuml-Say. bub, what sort OF
curiosity he you?
Freak-l'm the boy what never
whistles.