Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1890-09-21
TIE LIME-KILN CLUB.
Consider Smith on Trial for MS Lho'
Found Guilty and Sentenced


put in an appearance at PARADISE ii@i
than an outsider would have caught on
10 the fact that something OF grave I'M
portance was on the carpet. Eiuer
Toots walked about with his hands
crossed under his coat tails and his lace
q blank. Judge Discovery Smith Dusied
himself looking over lot OF legal docu-
ments. and Shindig Watkins, Eight
Hour Johnson, Remember Iaylor ana
Samuel Shin conversed together I'D low
tones and shook their heads in grave
and sorrowful manner. Giveadam Jones
generally upsetS the stove, knocks down
the pipe, breaks pane OF grass oI
smashes a lamp in his exu6erance Oh
spirits. but on this occasion he entered
the hall very softly and put in his time
reading novel entitled. The Bloody
Big Toe of the Dark Heel Ravine.
II was only when the meeting had
/ been formally opened that an eXplana-
tion of the mystery was had Brother
Gardner looked sad, but full Of bust
ness. as he mounted to his station, and
when the wheels had been properly
creased he said:
"Gem'len, we hasn't met heah dis
eayenin' to listen to an essay or lecktur
| by some famous man. We hasn't met
/ to do biZnesS consarnin' de welfar' OF
de world in gneral an de United states
in pertickler. De occasion is one full
of sadness. Not dat we hev lost a
brudder by de hand Of dc grim destroyer,
but dat we mus put Twin brudder on
trial fur his life. De facts am probably
known TO all of you. De committee on
internal harmony has Sartin charges to
prefer agin Brudder Consider Smith,
an he will be lowed to prove hisself in
necent."
The above-named committee, through
its chairman, Col. Glucose Green, then
read the following charges:
l. Heving spoken of Brother Gardner
as charlatan.
.. Renting a box at the poStofiice.
3. Going in and out of various banks
without any other errand than to make
people believe he is depositor.
4. Claiming to strangers who visit
Paradise Hall that herunS things there.
6. Borrowing money OF members OF
the club and neglecting to repay the
same.
6. Alleging that Brother Gardner was
cutting his cloth to secure the next
presidency.
:. Advising various members TO split
off from the old club and form new
one. the constitution Of which should
provide for banquet at every meeting.
s. Declaring his belief that all fowls
were common property.
us de accused ready for trial?" asked
the president as the reading Of the
charges was finished.
He ar" replied Brother Smith, as
he stepped forward.
"Werry well. We will now take up
charge No. l. How do you plead?"
Guilty, sab; but guilty bekase
| didn't know what charlatan meant
when used de word. heard one white
LAWYER call anodder by dat name, an /
S'poSed it meant dat he knowed about
all dere was to know. l dun used it TO
compliment you, sab
UNI 1t may be possible. I'll decide
it dat way, but let dis be warnin' to
you bout using bullets too big to fit de
bore of the gun Charge No. ..
Not guilty, sab. l nebber had no
box at de pos Office. | was jess maxim
believe | had"
"Oh, Wall, de charge can't stand,
but it will be de gineral opnyan OF dis
club dat you has made fool OF your
self Charge No. 3.
TIE done guilty, sah but Ize sorry
fur it,"
sorry fur it-yes! Brudder Smith,
when pusson who amt got loose
quarter in his pockets is seen gwine
inter a bank wild his hat cooked on his
ear, what is de inference? What you
gwine TO expect? How you gwine to
iigger it out? You's gwine to iigger
dat he's maxim false show to deceive
de public. an you can put him down
fur bad, bad man. You stand con-
victcd OF de charge. Charge No. 4.
"Ize nebber dun claimed to run Par
adisc Hall, sab. Izc showed visitors
around an rze explained things, but
I'ze allus been keerful to say dat | was
way down TO de tail end of de process
sion"
"Well, wen declar you innocent of
dat charge. but let dis be a solemn
warnin' fur you not to blow your nose
too loud an step too high Charge No.
D."
Il has borrowed money of some of
the members, sab, but Ize gwine TO pay
it jess as soon as possible
I'D advise you TO do so. I'll pass de
charge. but its ann0der warnin' TO you.
De constitutional money borrower is
man to be deSpised an Stunned. Charge
| No. g."
What I dun said was dis: ] said dat
/ you would make better president dan
any odder man in the kentry-"
AR you shore you said date" asked
Brother Gardner.
"Of co'se | said it
"Wen, I'll pass dat charge ODER.
Charge No. ="
Il jess said one day dat de club was
gettin' too big, an dat we all went home
hungry"
Too big, Ell? An you was hungry.
You didn't say dis till arter you was
fined $500 for spittin' on de stove.
NO. sab"
81 see. De charge stands. How about
No. 50"
Il dun said dat de Lawd made every
thing for the use of man, fowls in
cuded."
"You meant wild fowls?"
'Y-yes, sab"
you didn't refer to fat pullets in
somebody's hen coop?'
emo. sab.
'Brudder Smith, do you pretend to
say your conscience wouldn't trouble
you if you broke into a hen house an
card away a bag of chckenS?"
"I-I-Td rather not say. sab.
"Oh! You is convicted of charge No.
you to be suspended until the same is
paid in full"
"Lawd save me, sab, but l can't neb-
Der pay it,"
Oats your lookout, and you has had
| - ..-.r.... ,.nrro,,. n.nn No ns n IL HID