The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1890-05-11
TOLD AT THE LIARS CLUB.

citation Overturned.
The Liars' club had assembled at the
usual place, a small room in Lyric hall,
chosen for reasons SO obvious that ex-
PLANTATION iS not necessary. The gas
stove had been touched Off, the cigars
lighted, and the door locked to keep out
any vagrant conscientious scrUple that
might come poking around to disturb
any member of the club.
The medal, the reward of him who
should tell the biggest whopper, to be
worn until the preceding biggest whop-
per had been outwhopped, reposed upon
the breast of the colonel, where it had
glittered for the unprecedentedly long
period of six months. 1t was hand
some medal, made of gold eighteen kar-
ats fine, bearing upon the one side an
idealized head in profile of Ananias, and
on it's diverse this exalted sentiment:
"Mendacity is the daughter of inven-
tion."
The colonel was proud Of his proves
in the science to which the club was de-
voted. From his early youth he had re-
garded good lie as rather to btThosen
than great riches. This evening the col
onel pulled upon his cigar with an air of
supreme self satisfaction. He had just
finished telling the most magnificent lie
of his life, which was, in brief, that he
had once told the truth. It was short
lie, but he felt satisfied with it. Never
theless, symptoms of disappointment
were manifested by his fellow members.
They liked good lieas much as the colo
mel did, but they had, one and all, a no.
ton that lie told at the expense of ones
self respect should not be told.
"That may do, colonel" put in the
major, ''among ordinary liars, but with
us it doesn't go. We all admit that it
hasn't grain of truth in it, but you
weaken your position among men of our
standing when you tell lie of that sort.
Any man who will admit that he once
told the truth violates one of the first
principles of our association. However,
I, for one, don't believe in rubbing it in.
You've held on to the medal for six
months most nobly, and in view of your
past record for pure, unadulterated falsi-
| fication, it is my sentiment that the club
should overlook this evenings faux pas.
The man who attempts to hold that little
badge Of honor which you wear for more
than six months has bitten off more than
he can chew-like the bull I heard OF
last week that swallowed q watch when
he was calf"
| 81 hill IL
"Why, my butcher was telling me
about it. His father once owned little
red bull calf that swallowed the hired
mans vest, with his watch and a silver
dollar in tit was ten years ago. Las
week the bull was killed, and in cutting
him up they found the money and watch
in the vest pocket intact"
GA fair story that, but nothing wildly
improbable about it," said the colonel
eff the bull had increased the money a
:! theFate Of 6. per cent per annum, ant
had been found with dollar and sixty
cents in his stomach at the end of tel
years, we might think something of it. +"
"Well," said the major, passing light,
over this astonishing criticism. :'that'
all right, but there was one thing re
markable about the watch. 1t was going
and hadn't lost seconds time in tel
years"
> "Going? The watch was going?" crie
the colonel, his face growing pale wit
excitement
, "Yes, sir; going" replied the major
sit was stem winder. and the wheel ha
got caught between the animals lungs
SO that every time he breathed he woun
the watch up"
. "Here, major" put in the colone
! ''take the medal and give me you
butchers address"
b The major bowed. Taking the media
{ he pinned it upon his breast with swee
smile
"Thunderation" cried the major, sue
!. denly.
"What is the matter~ queried tn
colonel.
care you sick?" put in another.
e "Bring some brandy!'' cried thirt
b 'The major is going to faint"
''No, I'm not" said the major, with
t gasp. "But, boys, look at the medal"
It The 'boys" looked, and 10, Anania
S race had turned green.-New York Ever
Q ing Sun.