The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-06-26

HOW HE DRESSES THE BABY.
The Conceited Fat er Thinks He Know
1t All, ut Doesn't.

All family men fancy. says Kate
Thorne in the \. Z. Hieck!y that the.
can dress the baby much more deity
and expeditiously than tine mother car
perform the same operation. That is,
If they only set themselves about it.
"Of course there is no doubt ofthat. ;
says the man to himself. "A man ear
do anything better than woman, and
moi make half the fuss and talk about
1t. Women wear themselves all out
talking things over. Why, woman
will talk more about making a tiatiron-
holder than man would about build
ing Westinghouse When man is
going to do anything ha goes to work
and does it. He doesn't have to run al
over the neighborhood to ask everyone
he knows about it and then do as he
has mind to, as woman will do
And so having heard him boast of hi:
capabilities for years some fine morn
ing, when his wifc's head aches and the
feminine deity of the kitchen has given
notice, the mother of the family invite:
him to dress the baby.
The baby is big enough to wall
around and have finger in every pie,
but it will be ''the baby till later
edition appears.
The man who knows it all is smiles
triumphantly to himself. He is de
lighted with the opportunity of show
ing his wife how much quicker he can
do it than she can. And he'll see il
that baby is going to run all ovel
creation after cats and things. aud cry
half the time he is doing it. DISCIPLINE
is what is needed with children.
He calls the baby to him:
Stand there, Freddie. while paps
finds your clothes, like good boy"
Freddy places himself in position
while his pa goes in quest of the raj.
ment belonging to the juvenile. Freddy
spies a bird on the top of tree in the
yard, and he climbs on the piano to get
high up at the window, and he knocks
down couple of bundles of sheet
music. his sister Fanny's new hat that
she left there last night when she came
home from the party. so tired that she
could hardly get upstairs to bed; and
then poor Freddy slips, and grabs
| the window-shade to save him.
SELF and brings it down, fixtures and
| all, and draws double-tracked rail.
road on the polished rosewood of the
piano with his wildly clutching finger
| nails, and lands safely on the floor.
bowling with rage at not having been
able to get the bird.
By that time his pa has found most
of his clothes, and is ready to begin.
But Freddy isn't ready. He wants to
see the pictures in the album. Then
he insists on hearing the watch tick.
| Then he wants to catch the dog by the
tail and give it a good pull. to see if il
is on fast. Then he wants to kiss
mamma.
Stand STILL" says his pa, putting on
| the severe look that he uses on his in.
subordinate clerks in the dingy down
town Office, "and see if YOU c:rn keen
your tongue still while | dress YOU.
Don't wiggle so, Freddy! Stand still.
Put down your foot! Let that cal
alone! Here, you little mischief, stop
chewing that lead-pencil. Hold up
your head, can't you? Put this hand
through-no, that one! Good gracious,
| it is strange that women will make
pants for babies wrong end to! And
more buttons on EN- than would be
needed to button up a regiment of men
Now then, for the waist Humph! that
is made the same way, all the buttons
in the wrong place. No arm-holes, no
nothing! Freddy. hold still! tell you
it doesn't hurt you! Yes, It's on light.
1t can't be on the other way. By Joye,
I've forgot the drawers, and stockings
| Here, put up that foot. Good gracious,
Freddy, can't you stop wiggling your
toes? Hold your leg stiff. There, now.
Now We'll put on the little mans
collar. What an outlandish contriv.
| ance to fasten collar. 1t doesn't
| stay put anywhere, Let's see, the bow
goes under it? No, it must 90 over it.
Keep your head still. What are you
bobbng so for? Lift up your arms,
Freddy! Why, what the deuce is the
matter with this child's arms? He
can't move 'cm. Don't cry, Freddy.
| Let me look. Do stop that bawling.
| This all comes of you mothers humor'
| ing you so. l say. Fred stop this noise
| Stop it | say! ! shall be crazy-I-'
And about ut this juncture his wife
appears on the scene, and she find:
! that Freddy's pants are hind part be
fore, and one of his arms has been pu
| through the neck space, and the Other
| one through one armhole of his waist
and his collar which was made to turr
down stands up, and his stockings art
| on wrong side out; and his pa viii
never own that there is anything out o
| order about the proceeding. but th'
| next time he dresses the baby III
| doesn't dress it-he always has some
thing to see to that prevents him.
The Count and Countess of Paris, at
| tended by an immense retinue of SER
wants. are in the City of Mexico. The
Orleans exiles are travelling incognito,
and it is understood that they will soon
cross the Rio Grande into Texas and
| proceed on tour of the United States
after they have tired of the sights in
| Mexico. The Countess created Il panic
at Monterey by clambering over the
| streets in short skirts that reach only
to the knee.
A recent visitor offered some words
of coincidence to the widow OF General
Crook, in reply to which Mrs. Crook
said: Some years ago | met the
widow of II great soldier. Her hus-
band had just died. She was incon-
solable. She asked me, weeping:
How can | bear it? i said to her:
Bear it rs a brave soldiers wife ought.
| How often she came to me after that
and repeated the words to me; and now
those same words come back to me"
The literary ability of Mrs. Julia
Ward Howe's family is not confined tc
her daughter, whose charming novels
are SO well known, for her son, Henry
III. Howe. has just completed scienti.
tic work of great value. For four years
he has been engaged on a book entitled
The Metallurgy of Steel, in which he
discusses that perplexing question OF
What Steel Is?n Mr.. Howe is a
graduate of Harvard. and is mining
engineer by profession.
/ A Valuable POrker.