Daily Republican., 1890-05-15
NIsisrn AND MERRIMENT.

Something Bound to Go.--"Does the
captain say whether we shall break the
reoord?" Eyes; he says the record Or the
boiler must 60"
Friend: I'D, you live happily with
your hnsband?" Muscular female: "Of
course dol ia like to see him try not
to live happily with mel'
The Best OF Rsasons.-Balkiey: "What
is the matter, denh boy? Why don't you
cit downp Cawkiey: "Cawn't you
know. Got on standing coliarP
Mrs. A.: "Isn't your husband man
oil domestic tastetP Mrs. b.: 'Oh, yes;
Al d that's the reason l won't keep one +"
won't keep whata" "A domtsi!c."
The following ambiguous notice Is at
tached to the electric bells in the rooms
oil hotel in New England city: ''Press
the knob II you want the walter live
times"
A gu at at country inn exclaimed: 81
say, landlord, your TODD Is worse than 1t
was last year" "Impossib,e, air." was
the rather ambiguous reply OF the land
lord.
Husband: "I'm going into business
in Wall street, and don't know whether
to be bull or IA bear" VIE: Don't
worry, dear, you will always be beast
| OF come kind"
Il beg your pardon, m adam, but you
are sitting On ny hat" exclaimed gem
tleman. "Oh. pray excuse me; thought
1t was my husbands" WAS the unex-
pected reply.
Contagious Contiguity. Aunt (io
niece, seated in the parlor with her bcau):
why do you both talk SO lowH Niece:
Herbert has cold, aud l think must
have caught it,
"Another advance In shoe leather" as
the young fellow said when he saw her
old mans loot approaching for u second
kick, when the hrst one hal seut hun
down tue front steps.
Mrs. Popinjay: "What does your
husband think OF your new hat?' Mrs.
! Blobsun: ''lle hasn't looked at 1t yet.
The bill has attracted his eutire attention
for the past two days"
Mrs. Xavier: "Does your husband
ever condescend to ho' d the baby" Mrs.
StaYathome: '0h, ye,l Every Wedues-
day and Saturday evening, while iun
the lawn mower"
A Dangerous Expcriment-MissA Anti.
one (school teacher); "What does
w-h-i-t-e spell!' Class-no answer.
Miss Antique: What is the color Of my
skinf Ciass Tin chorus): "Yel ow."
Simpson: ~ fell in love with my wife
fifteen years ago" Kennedy: "And you
have been in lovs with her ever siucri"
Simpson: "Wul --er-not exactly. You
see, We have been married eight years"
b ssie: MA aud pa have been quarrel.
ing, haven't thu,f" Willie: Yep"
Bessie; winch one got the worst Of it.
do you knowf" Willie: Not yet. Pm
waiting to see which slams the door
going out"
An Unreasonable Lover. ~ could sit
here by the hour to tear what the wild
waves are saying" "Mirapds, ii would
| be coniou dr1iy more encouraging to
me II you listened to what I'in saying"
"Whose little boy is this, wondeil"
sou could iiud out" said the small boy.
"Ilow so, my sont" "You might guess,
or you might Inquire" replied The small
boy.
Mr. Farsoae: "My dear friend, am
in despair. That girls heart is as hard
Bs steel. ! eau make no impression on
it," Friend: "YGu don't go at IL In the
right way. Try diamonds. They are
harder than steel"
A little girl spent the afternoon at her
griuimothel'f. When shs came homt
her mother said: "Have you been a
good girl, deaiY' mot SO very" an.
swcred tns truthful little one; "but, oil,
I've had lots OF iuu!"
~ have met this man." said lawyer,
with extreme severity, lin great many
plac, where would he ashamei to be
,ecn myself" Aud then he paused and
looked with astonishment at the smiling
court aud Jury.
Don't fret, John. said Mrs. Wiyglas;
"you've l0st nearly everything you ha
ia the world, know, but remember you
sill have mc." Yes" sail JOHN
with another heartfelt lr an, that's just
what was thinking"
Madame (to French maid): "Oa,
Francoisc, whJ do you clean my boot,
with my tnt thbrusht' French mali (tt
madamt); "Maiaine. the fact Is, thu
other brushes are So large and maiane' &
boots are So small"