Connecticut western news., 1890-03-12
TALK OF THE DAY.

The glazier's occupation is pane full one.
 It is natural for cattle king to try to impose the yoke.
 The accordion skirt has gone out of style. It was too loud.
 The proprietor of gaming-house should never abuse his bettera
 The human race is run on the course of true love, as a general thing.
 When young men idolize young ladies they are apt to tell great many idle lies.
 All those who pass through the door to success will find it labeled .'push." Oil City Blizzard.
 The reason why hen lays an egg is because she can't stand it on end. Binghampton Leader.
 Your scheme won't work on Wall street." "Why not?" 'It won't hold water. ."-Munsey' Weekly.
 Since young Jones began visiting Miss Brown, the parlor lamp in the Brown domicile is the latest thing out
 "Is the cashier inP" asked the caller at the bank. .'Yes. sir" Was the re- ply: '.He's in jail. washington Post.
 He" Miss Wayting, you are pug gle to me. 1 never knew how 10 take you" She (shyly)-"You never tried"
 A writer stated in recent obituary notice that "tho dece .sel was born in his native town, where hs has ever since resided"
 Cobwigger-"I have the prettiest typewriter in town" Brown-.Cau she spell well?" CobwiggerE"Didn't l tell you she was prettyv
 A Maine man who has invented . flying machine has hired another man to try the thing. This inventor may not be such fool after all.
 No need to: Charles-.'I have just come back from a sail" Robert-"Did you hug the shorep" Charles "No;,I had Miss Mildred with me. Epoch.
 Hitherto patient boarder: '.Mra Starvem, can stand having hash every day in the week, but, when on Sunday you put raisins in it and call it miucs pie, l draw the line"
 An Ohio girl sued man for breach of promise, and proved him such mean scoundrel that the jury decided that she ought to pay him something for not marrying her.
 "Here's a Connecticut man just died. Papa says he smoked more herrings in q year than any ten other men in New England" Preferred herrings to Connecticut cigars. l suppose"
 'Very we'll, then," she exclaimed, to make 8 concession. Il cannot deny that l have my faults" Husband, hastily: No doubt of that Wife, moro hastily still: shall like to know what they are.
 A Connecticut girl listened to long declaration of love pathetic and pro- posing from young man. and then knocked all the poetry out of him by saying; "Now let us talk about your business affairs"
 AGentle Hint-Book ageut-"Here is that book, ma am, How to Play the Piano." Lady of the house-"Whas bookp l didn't order any book" m, but the neighbors did, and they told me to bring it to you"
 Etymology -"How do you do, my little manp I'm your next-Goor neigh bor, you know!" "What's a neigh borP" "Well, 'nelgh' means nigh; that Is. near and" "Oh, thank you. know what bore meansw His Precedent Peacemaker, ''Don't you know 1t is very wrong b fight little boypWhat does the good book sayP' Tommy (who has just polished off the class bully: l dunno. I ain't read it further than David and Ger lire.
 ''Yes, gentlemen of'the jury" urged the prisoners counsel, mot only ought my client to be acquitted, but he should be paid the sum of five hundred dollars offered by the safe-maker to anyone able to force open one of his strong boxes. Judge.
 If this country crusade keeps up it will soon be so that a man will not be allowed to wear white shirt on the Sabbath day on account of the work he will necessarily have to do in get ting u large collar-button through . small button-hole.
 Newly accepted snitor-''Well, Bob. by, you will have new uncle soon; am your Aunt Mary's choice for hus- band" Bobby 1surprisedD =" Well. that's strange. heard her tell man. ma only yesterday that you were Hob- sons choice. Life. t Mrs. Seeker-'I have two daughters in society this winter, and I'm on the 3 go all the tina. Your daughter isn't going out much, I believer" Mrs. , Found-"Oh, no. You see she got en- , gagged last October and she doesn't , have to. o."-Washington Star. Well my dear madam and how are r you to-dayp" 70, doctor, have ter , rible pains over my whole body and it l seems impossible to breathe! Of , course, can't sleep at all; and have l mt particle of nppetite!" ..But other wise you feel all right don'tyou?" She-"Are you fond of music, Mir. l Snellp" He-.'Well, don't know tell you the truth, we've had a piano in the house so long that really don't remember; but think-that is to say, 1 have faint impression-I was fond of it great many years ago."-Boston Transcript.
 It is one of the wonders of the world that a young lady can sit around the house all day with a piece of red flannel rapped around her throat, nursing her influenza, and in the evening dress up to see her beau. , the healthiest woman in existence.- : Texas Siftings.
 While passing farm in Virginia the figure of an elderly mah. whose attire . was noticeable for the utter absence of an decorative efforts, was seen leaning :, against the fence. ..How are you get ting along down herep" ..Jes' gittin' long; no mo h." "Good farmp" "Fa'h." "Can you raise anything on it?" "Con- sid ble. jes raised seventy-fve dol lah's on it; fohth mortgage, too."- Washington Post
 Nav Jerxcv.a Prohlcun.