The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1890-09-04
NH. ANo MRS. soWseR.
This Head of the Family Tries Sleeping
In q Hammock.

This Head of the Family Tries Sleeping
In q Hammock.
"Humphp' suddenly calculated Mr.
Bowser the other evening as he sat read
ing his paper.
what is it,"
Nothing, except that I've been fool"
The next evening he came home an hour
earlier than usual, and he had large bum
die under his arm. He didn't wait for me
to ask what it contained, but unrolled it
and said:
81 propose osleep in this hammock after
this"
"But where will you hang it?"
"Oh, Tll find a place. How stupid Of
me not to have thought of it before"
After prospecting for a while he decided
on the fiat, graveled roof of the kitchen,
which was easily reached from an upstairs
window. He found place for the hooks
and stretched the hammock, and an hour
before our usual bed time he was prepared
to occupy it. He removed his coat, vest
collar and shoes, kissed baby good night
and went ont of the window, while l sat
down beside it to watch the course of
events. Mr.. Bowser had slung the ham
mock about three feet above the roof He
walked over to it, gave it a shake and fell
into it. No, he didn't. 1t lodged him and
he went down on his hands and knees and
got up muttering:
"Oh, that's your game, is it? Well, you
don't beat me again"
1t took him ten minutes to get stretched
on his back in the folds of the hammock,
and he had scarcely heaved the first sigh of
satisfaction when he gave a kick and
growled:
"Consarn it, but the mosquitoes have
found me out already Take thatp'
For the next ten minutes he was busy
with the pests, and it was while he was
thrashing his arms about and kicking his
feet that the hook at the foot of his ham,
mock pulled out and Mr.. Bowser came
down with crash on the roof The gravel
flew and he uttered yell, and I appeared
at the window to ask:
"Mr. Bowser what has happened? Has
the roof collapsed?"
COLLAPSED nothingl" he growled, as he
hunted for the hook
"But what was that awful noise?"
"I didn't hear sound. I got out of the
hammock to lower it bit. Go back to bed
and stay therep'
When he though had gone he fixed the
hook and got back into the hammock, but
/ could hear him growing under his
breath about pitch, gravel, mosquitoes and
idiots, and l knew he wasn't at peace with
all mankind, for the next half hour could
hear him slapping at the insects and
twisting about. Then suddenly caught
sight of three or four boys skulking up the
alley. 1t was bright moonlight, and from
the way they acted knew they were con"
to Mr.. Bowser. Some of them had proba-
bly, seen him singing the hammock before
dark and suspected his design. They came
opposite, stood in line and at a signal all
let fly, and jumped behind the barn. Each
one threw a potato, and while only one
hit the hammock the others crashed
against the house with loud noise.
"Jewhittaker! but what on earth is
that" gasped Mr. Bowser as he sat up.
"Mr. Bowser, is everything all right?" /
asked from the window.
Everything all right! What's the mat
ter with you? Why don't you go to bed?"
ell thought I heard another noise"
"Oh, you did! Well, l didn't. was al
most asleep when you yelled out"
pretended to go away, and after bit
Mr.. Bowser settled down on his back and
everything was quiet. Then the boys came
out again. There were four of them. They
had hat full of missiles, and each threw
three or four before making retreat. Mr..
Bowser was hit in the head with potato,
and in the side with tomato, and on the
leg with cucumber, and the noise of the
other missiles against the house was like
cannonade.
"Here - whoa -policer' shouted Mr..
ID h. lal hut Of hot
moment the head of the hammock gave
way and he was poured out on the roof in
a confused heap. He made two jumps for
the window and got in, but not in time to
catch me. He came into the bedroom with
pitch on his hands and feet and gravel
stones in his hair, and before l could say
word he began:
"Mrs. Bowser, Fll get even with you for
this, if have to live 100 years!"
"Why, what have 1 done?"
"Never you mindl Look at me! Aren't
purity sight"
eyes, but why did you try to sleep out
there?"
"You ask why-you! Why-why?"-
And he was so overcome that he danced
around on one leg and couldn't find the
soap and towel until got up and placed
them in his hands. It took him an hour
to get the pitch off, and as he came to bed
he said:
"The train leaves at 1890 in the morning."
"What train?"
"For your mothers My lawyer will
open correspondence with you there. l
shall instruct him to deal literally with
you, and you can see our child two or three
times year."-Detroit Free Press.
An Easy Capture.