Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-24
JoKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

! ICllOW Ilnu OUT Wlldl HIS Adullo nv.
Oldwed-By getting married.
THE EARrH's NOCTURNAL MOTION.
Tommy-What makes the world go
round, papa9
Father absent mindedly)-Cham
sometimes beer Harvard
Lampoon.
THE COMING MAN.
"What do you think of the coming
MANI"
"What do think of himl"
eyes"
"Well, l guess he will come"
LOOK OUT FOR SNOW.
General, what do you think OF the
weather." asked citizen.
"Well," replied the Chief Signal OH
Ger, cautiously, 81 think the backbone
of the winter is broken"
THE OLD PROBLEM.
s'Were you ever in love before, Edwin
''Great Cesar" he cried, in anguish,
'am | never to be free from that awful
guestionln
''And what is strange about it"
GAN the girls | ever loved have asked
it, and when answer 'em yes, they an
swer they wouldn't have thought it from
the way acted And now here you are
LAYING wires to ring in the same OLD
conundrum. - San Francisco Wasp.
VERY PARTICULAR.
mamma, aren't we going to the sea-
shore this summeri"
''Yes, dear"
"Well, think we ought to go very
soon, because want to get some bathing,
and Pm afraid the ocean will have been
used before we get there if we don't
hurry. ~ Argosy.
COMPETENT.
Nurse Girl heard you wanted some
one to take care of your baby.
LADY, do. Where did you work
last2
Nurse Girl-At Wheeling, West Vir-
ginia. Il Lowell Citizen.
THE IDEAL
Miss Hart-Yes, Henry and are going
to be married next month.
Miss Spleen-So heard. And people
say the most ridiculous things about you.
1t almost puts me out of patience to hear
them.
Miss Hart-Why, what do they saya
Miss Spleen-They say you must have
hvnnotized him. The idea - Boston
Transcript.
HE WANTED NO DIstoURAGER.
'Tve got a good dog I'd like to sell
you,n said fancier TO Fangle.
"Not much - replied Fangle; "why,
I've got four manageable daughters. y
Epoch.
CHRONIC COMPLAINT.
Doctor-What is your husbands com
plant. ma'aml Is it chronicl
Wife-Yes, sir. | have never known
him to be satisfied with meal for the
last thirty-fye years Burlington Free
Press.
SAMSON DESCRIBED.
"Johnnie,n said his teacher, "who
were the two strongest men OF olden
timesp
"Samson and Hercules.
eCan YOU tell anything about them"
sob, yes. Samson was regular Her
cules."
EXCHANGING Condolences.
Clara have such horror of growing
old
Maud (sweetly)-I should think you
would have got over it by this time. -
brakes Magazine.
THE HOT WATER SHOWED.
"Curious that boy is so bad, and yet he
is the cleanest, neatest boy in school. "
s.Not so curious. He is in hot water
sll the time, and it shows"
GOOD REASON TO BE MAD.
sDid you hear Of the mad zebras at
BarnumsF
sNo. What made them mad"
s.They overheard someone say they
looked like dudes aboat to play tennis. y
[Bazar.
HE DIDN'T CATCH THAT FISH.
Mrs. Brown had to cook that fish at
once. as | was afraid it wouldn't keep.
Brown-Geewhiz I'll go right down
to the market and give that man a piece
of my mind.
Mrs. Brown-Hold on, my dear; 1t was
the fish you caught yourself this after
noon Bazaar.
WALKING WITH AN OBJECT.
High-Priced Doctor-You are now
convalescent, and all you need is exercise.
You should walk ten, twenty, thirty
miles day, sir, but your walking should
have an object.
Patient-An right, doctor. I'll travel
around trying to borrow enough to pay
your BILL New York Weekly.
TIE DERBY FEyEk.
Irritable Major-Look here, my girls,
I'm certain I'm right about that Tibet
my ears on it.
Sharp Daughter = Oh, papa, you
shouldn't carry betting to such extreme
lengths. II Pick Me-Up.