Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-25
WIT AND HUMOR.
NODESTY.
What hundred books are best. think your


has not been exposed. Boston Beacon
Your strict temperance man takes
very little pleasure in going fishing
Boston Courier.
If delays are dangerous the legal
profession contains the pluckiest mer
in the world.-Pucb
People who say sharp things otter
get the reputation of being blunt
Baltimore american.
They're a canny lot" .'Who?"
The lobster-factory people in New
foundland. "-Jester.
After spending an hour with pref
ty fool. how refreshing homely people
are.-Atchison Globe.
Man cannot fly. but he can utilize
the flight Of stairs when he wants to
go up.-B1nghanaton Republican.
Why is a long engagement like
hammock? Because it makes falling
out so easy Burlington Free Press.
Love is blind, and from the pet
names he uses one would think his
articulation sadly defective also. -
Puck.
We shall not know each other there if
we are to identify our neighbor by what
is said on his tombstone.-Atchis0n
Globe.
Love will come in loves own time"
MARBLES a poet. Love reminds US SC
much of hotel waiter. = YonkerS
Statesman.
The cat has nine lives, which shows
that nature had pretty fair idea of
what the cat would have to 90 through
Saratoga San.
No one knows where corn came
from, but many can tell where it goes
to by the feeling next morning.
Teas Sittimgs.
so you think he really loves voup''
Il am sure of it. He does nothing but
quarrel with me every time we meet"
-Terre Houte Express.
You can't always tell the occupant
of the starched shirt by the gloss on
the bosom. Summer girls and sum-
mer boys Washington Post.
Miss Partridge-'.W Well what do YOU
think of my bathing suit. professor?n
The Professor-"Um! Did you bring
it with you?" -Drabe's Magazine.
why do you call that group of
middle-aged ladies on the piazza an
atomists?" Because they are always
cutting up people. "-Boston Gazette.
Why is it that the same hammock
that once held two persons will not
hold them year or so after they have
been made one?-Ierre Hauje Er-
press.
I'm afraid, johnny" said the Sun
day-school teacher rather severely that
| will never meet you in Heaven"
why? What have you been doin'
now? "-Ashld1ad Press.
Blobson-.' Poor Mrs. Tufstake! Do
you know how she happened to lose
all her money!" Dumpsey - Yes;
she took three lawyers in to board. -
burlington Free Press.
Mrs. Mccarthy Ito peddler)-''Is
thin cabbage nice, Mr.. OLeary? o.
Leary (gallantly) 'Bedad, they're as
fresh and green as yourself, Mrs. Nc
Carthy. n-B0stOn Herald.
1T is strange the ties that attach lis
to disagreeable things at times" as the
dog said to the tin can sequel. Still
. in ones life such things are bound to
cur. -Phi1odelpl'ia Times.
who is happy on this mundane
sphere?' sneeringly exclaimed Pes
sinus. The girl with her first en-
@agement ring" trumphantly replied
ODtimu>. -JeWejers' Cjrcuiar
Visitor No prisoner)-"W What brought
you here?" Prisoner - '.Misplaced
confidence" Visitor - How was
that?n Prisoner-''I thought | could
run faster than could. "-Racket.
Said the first MN: They tell me
you were out Oh Il ~"nder last week
Nv orse than that said the seconC
man, feeling in his empty pockets: Iii
was breaker. "-Ierre Hama Express
Pretty hard work ditching. isn't it
Terrence?i Sure. it's not the work
| moind, but what's breaking my heart
is I'm the only American on the job
The rest is all Eyetalians. BrookJW
Life.
Great Publisher-'Very sorry. sir,
but your manuscript will not do" Old
Time Novelist" Eh? What is the
| matter with t?" Great Publisher
ut seems to have a plot. ~. W
Weekly.
Customer-"Will you give me .
sample of this, please?" Clerk-''Very
sorry, ma'am, but we don't give sam
pies any more.n Customer-''Well.
then, I'll take enough for bathing
suit. Life.
Low Comedian-Miss Sheridan, the
actress, has just married New York
man named Fry. l see. Envious Star
What did she do that for? She al.
ready belonged to the small fry family.
Chicago Times
Why are you drinking that black
coffee?' Because l have the head
ache" The headache? Why don't
you do as those do who have the tooth
ache? Why don't you get it tilled?"-
FHegende Btatter.
Give ne toboggan," he said tc
the barman. What do you mean?"
Why, whisky, of course. There's
nothing like it when a mans going
| down-hill to make the descent lively"
PHILADELPHIA Times.
He QuarreIed with His Wife," is
the heading of half-column article in
an exchange. In this busy age
newspaper can hardly hope to attract
attention with so commonplace Il head
| line as that. Whjteside Heratd.
You've been riding bicycle, 1
hear. said one department clerk to
another. just for exercise, you
know" 1T has reduced your weight
some. [ think?n .Yes. have fallen off