davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15
ory a man must have to know the
name of everybody in a city of S00,-
900 people.
Stopping the Press.

L was sitting in the Office of Ken
lucky weekly paper, and the editor
had just furnished proof of the fact
that he was editor, printer, composit-
or, pressman and small boy, when
shock-headed lad came in to say:
"Mr. Laggers, he'unss waitin' down
thar fur you"
"Who's awaiting ?"
"Kurnel Brill"
whats he'uns want ?"
"Ter shute, l reckon"
"Go'n tell he'un to wait until next
week l am too busy"
When the boy had gone the editor
turned to me with "You can see fur
yourself what's aholding me down.
That Kurnel Brill is no gentleman, or
he wouldn't put in when he knows I'm
rushed"
The boy came back moment later
to say:
"He'un can't wait"
"Why?'
"Says he cum in ter shute, and has
got ter shute, and he will shute."
"Dot rot such man / reckon I'll
have to 60 down. Didn't like my
leader last week. and wants to shute.
He'un's no gentleman, no gentleman.
I'll be back in few minutes, strang-
er."
| sat there in the office and heard
the reports of pistols, and looked out
of the window and saw crowd, and
ten minutes later the editor came in
with his right ear split by bullet.
and somewhat petulently remarked
"And now there will be coroner's
inquest, and I'll hev to lose at least
half day! IF the kurnel wanted
to pop at me, why couldn't he have
waited till some tramp printer cum
along to ease me off bit He was
no gentleman-no gentleman."-Ne
York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15
Out for a Days Pleasure.

A big freckled-face woman was
striding down broad avenue in the
suburbs, leading two children by the
hand and followed by the third.
"Is this the way to the park ?" she
demanded of man leaning against a
tree.
"What park, madam ?"he inquired.
"Any park. The nearest park"
"If you go about two blocks further,
turn to the right and then go straight
ahead for about a mile and half you
will reach the only one in this
vicinity"
"Plenty of shade trees and animals
in cages and ducks swimming about
in little lakelets T.
"Yes."
"And benches with rustic tables in
front of them, where poor people are
graceously permitted to eat the frugal
victuals doled out to them under a
falsely constructed fabric of society,
provided they take the victuals along
with them r
"Plenty of 'em, ma am"
mo charge for goin' into the park ?"
"No."
"Stay as long as we please p
Certainly"
"Then I'll find it if l have to walk
all day. I've come out from the
crowded city to get a breath Of Gods
pure air and battle my soul in the
sweet influence of nature. Come on,
you little brat back there, or I'll skin
ye alivev
And she went on down the avenue
at a five mile gait, dragging the two
children and followed at some distance
in the rear by the loudly yelling
third.--Pittsburg Dispatch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15
Judged by his Clothes.

"The restaurant keepers in this city
are the most suspicious people have
ever struck" said tall, fne-looking
man, dressed seedily, at the ferries yes
terday morning. "My name is P. II.
Pherris, and | am native of Indian
Territory ; in fact, in plain words, l
am half-breed. Town vast amount
of property in the territory. l am
not boasting when l say that l am
worth fully s35O.OOO. My wife and
family have been living in this city
for fully thirty years, and have made
my home here during that time, max
ing occasional trips to my property
in the Indian Territory. Lately l de-
termined to take my family and locate
there permanently. This morning
early l dropped into Market street
restaurant-I had to catch the $3.50
boat-and asked for breakfast. The
landlady eyed me for minute or so,
and noticing that my clothes were
rather old and seedy, said to me:
"'Say, stranger, have you enough
money to pay for your meal ?
81 was rather surprised, you bet, at
this reception, bat answered, Cert,
ma'am,' and opening my purse, drew
out a 81 900 bill, and added: DO you
think that is enough to pay for a
breakfast in this high-toned establish
ment? Of course l don't want pearls
ground into my coffee, nor diamond
studded bills of fare, but if you think
that is sufficient to pay for what l
want, all right No sooner did the
lady see the bill than she became the
most obsequious creature you ever
saw. Il beg your pardon, SIR she
said. please sit down here l sat
down at the table pointed at and the
landlady ordered clean table-cloth,
clean glasses, napkins--everything
she could think of, in fact-and even
went so far as to put beautiful bo-
quet of roses in the center Of the ta-
BILE. She would not let one of the
walters take my order, but coming to
me herself said: What would you
wish to have, sir p She sir'd me then,
you see.
Feeling rather hot at the treat
ment l had received | said shortly !:
Nothing at all, madam
'Nothing? she echoed.
Nothing l replied. Il want
nothing in a house where they ask
men whether they can pay for their
meals first. Perhaps you would like
to look at my purse, madam and l
opened it and showed her twenty bills
of 81 900 each. When she saw | had
$4,000 on me you never saw such an
astonished look on persons face as
appeared on hers. She was almost
speechless. l arose then, and, bowing
to her profoundly, remarked: Ihope,
madam. that you will not in the fu-
ture judge man by appearances and
ask impertinent questions of him be-
cause his pants are baggy at the knees.
BY so doing you will not lose valuable
patrons, as you have this morning
l departed, leaving the lady looking
the picture of chagrin. San Fran
cisco Alta.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Miss Wantling-Mr. Lessee, the
papers says that some gents are al
ways intimately associated with rocks.
Mr.. Lessee-That's so, Emma, you
would have an engagement ring if |
had the rocks.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

A division of responsibility. Faith
er-What, you want to marry my
daughter? Why, sir, you cant sup
port her. l can hardly do it myself.
Suitor (blankly)-C.c-can't we chip
in toge ther Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

A proper reason. "Why is she so
cool towards your" "Well, you see
she was my summer girl. She could
not change to an autumn girl without
cooling off little.-New York Her
aid.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

He went him one better. Bobby
Marlinspike-My pa amt afraid of
nuthin'. He's bin round the Horn
sixty times.
Tommy Rubynose-Huhl My pa
amt no coward like your pa. My pa
never goes round horn. my pa don't.
He steers right up to it every time.
So there Chicago Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

He-The money of the country
seems to be all locked up.
She-I'm not surprised, for l heard
it had been very tight recently.-Jes-
ter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

The truly valiant dare everything
but doing any other body an injury.
Xxx.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Louise-"No, he would have gone
earlier, but he said that by waiting a
little longer he could get ride home
with milkman, and save himself a
long lk."-Figaro.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Old gentleman-"That young man
stayed pretty late last night, Louise. {"
Louise-"He didn't mean to, pa"
Old gentleman-"Didn't intend
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

The man who proposed at 5 o'clock
in the morning did the business in
dew time.-Boston Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

II should think, Mr.. Owelots, that
you would be afraid to marry me. /
am so old and have so much money
that people might misjudge your mo-
tive" my sweet Angelina, | love
you so, that ! would willingly marry
you though you were three times as
old and had twice as much money"
Boston Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

A sure sign. Fond mother Cat sum-
mer resort)-Clara, my dear, you
needn't be surprised if Mr.. Dizzy pro-
poses at any time now.
Clara-But, mother, he pays me
scarcely any attention.
Fond mother-True, but look how
he is flirting with me.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Love-light's high candle power
Kitty" said the lover, as they sat in
the dark corner of the piazza, "close
your eyes," "Why so, George?' "If
you don't everybody will be able to
see us."-Harper's Bazaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
"The Niagara Falls Route"
AHo NtNyuf1 ANtto AiVWtt'
Time Card in Effect.

Daily. Daily except Sunday. Parlor car on
day trains and sleeping cars on night trains
WHITING, Ticket Agent
o.w. RUGGLEs, @. P. & T. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Landlady-Mr. McGinnis, may |
ask what you are trying to find in that
cream pitcher?
Boarder-I am trying, Mrs. Irons,
to rescue an unfortunate fly from
watery grave.-Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Mr.. Handsome-Oh, you know,
mother, women can't keep secret.
His Mother-Yes they can, my son.
You have been industriously courting
that Miss Highness for a year, and
you don't know her real age yet
Good News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

A love letter written by some great
man 400 years ago was recently sold
in England for $3.50. A love letter
recently read in court in divorce
case was worth $5,000-to the "fair
plaintiff" And its writer is still liv-
ing, and comparatively unknown, too.
Norristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

An economical duke. jolly friar
The duke never gave aims What
Was he so miserly?
Facetious yoeman-Yes; may satan
take his stingy highness. Verify, he
was too mean to laugh at his own ex-
peDse.-Light.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

"Rastus," said the judge, "that is
serious charge you bring against Mr..
Smithers. Will you swear to it p
"Sw'ar to it? Sutt'nly, judge. l
would sw'ar to anything to oblige ye,
Judge. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Young Husband-What are you
crying for, dear :
Young Wife-Fido, the naughty
dog, ate up cake | made, and-boo,
ooh.
Husband-Well, no matter, darling
we can easily replace Fido.-Yankee
Blade.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Mr.. Softly Young beg you, Miss
Mangler, at least not to say that you
will be sister to me.
Miss Mangler--No, Mr.. Young, l
promise you l will not. What you
need most is mother.-Boston Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

"This bell," said well-meaning
sexton, when showing the belfry of an
interesting village church to party
of visitors, "is only rung in case of
visit from the Lord Bishop of the dio-
cese, fire, food, or any other such
calamities. London Figaro.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

A choice Of texts. Parson Jackson
-Ephraim, it says in de good book,
"Thou shalt not steal"
Ephraim Johnson know dat, sir,
but I've bin so lucky / thought I'D
glib you one.
The Lawd lubs cheerful giver.-
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

Mrs. Glow good of you to come,
doctor; didn't expect you this morn
ing.
Doctor-No, but | was called to
your opposite neighbor, poor Mrs.
Brown, and thought l might as well
kill two birds with one stone.-Punch.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-09-06
The Country Mail.

From the Boston Transcript.
The United States mail service Is rather
limited In the village Of A. Three times a
week numbering stage coach, with its heavily
swaying and rocking load" stops before the
little one-story building and the driver losses
out leather pouch to the postmaster, which
contains all the messages Of hope and fear for
the people for miles around. After ''sorting"
the mail and keeping only what belongs to this
locality the bag 10 locked again and the driver
tosses it back into the coach, whistles to his
horses and drives on.
Now comes the most interesting part to the
occupants Of the store. They gather eagerly
around the counter and listen for their name
to be read out by the postmaster, who, with
his glasses awry, often studies several moments
over a doubtful superscription before giving it
to the public ear. flames Grant" he called
out Silence for q moment. Then q voice
echoes from the back Of the store. "Jim hain't
been up for as much as q week, but I'm goin'
down that way tomorrow. and I'll take it along.
Give it here" and "Jim's" letter 10 disposed OF.
Another man says, You ken give me all the
mail for the upper deestrict, for I'm going to
hitch up and go t. the mill after a load of but
ends soon's dinner" In q like manner Of
Especial delivery" all the letters ultimately
reach their destination. The men finish their
smoke, discuss the news in their week-old pa
per- read the notices of the visiting dentist, the
church fair and the weekly prayer meeting and
dis perse.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-09-06
PICTURESQUE Francis Marion.

JOHN riske III september
or all the picturesque characters Of our rev.
dictionary period there is perhaps no one who
in the memory of the people, is so closely asso-
cisted with romantic adventure as Francis
Marion. He belonged TO that gallant race of
men Of whose services France had been for
ever deprived when Louis XIV revoked the
edict of Nantes. His father had been planter
near Georgetown, on the coast, and the son,
while following tho same occupation, had been
called off to the western frontier by the Cher
okee war of 1859, in the course of which he had
made himself an adept in woodland strategy.
He was forty-seven years old, a man OF few
words and modest demeanor, small in stature
and slight in frame, delicately organized, but
endowed with wonderful nervous energy and
sleepless intelligence. Like woman in quick
ness Of sympathy, he was a knight in courtesy,
truthfulness aud courage. The brightness OF
his fame was never sullied by an act Of cruelty.
'.Never shall house be burned by one Of my
people" said he; ''to distress poor women and
children is what l detest" To distress the
enemy in legitimate warfare was, on the other
hand, business in which few partisan COM
manders have excelled him. For swiftness
and secrecy he was unequaled, and the
boldness of his exploits seemed almost incredi
BILE when compared with the meagerness
his resources. His force sometimes consisted
OF less than twenty men and seldom exceeded
seventy. To arm them he was obliged to take
the saws from saw mills and have them wrought
into rude swords at the country forge, while
pewter mugs and spoons were cast into bullets.
With such equipment he would attack and
overwhelm parties Of more than two hundred
tories, or he would even swoop upon column
of British regulars on their march, throw them
into disorder, set free their prisoners, slay and
In the darkling forest IS swiftly and mysteri-
ously q he had come,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-09-06
A Homing Race by Bees.

Interview in the 81 Louis Globe Democrat.
How insects, especially bees and ants, find
their way back home is one of the marvels of
natural history. My wife keeps bees and my
little boy has taste for entomology and is al
ways making experiments of one kind or
another with them and other insects He has
been trying to lind out how far away a bee can
be taken and not get lost, but has not vet sue
ceeded. live In the country fourteen miles
from the court house and during the summer
that boy has been in town with me
a dozen times, and on each occasion he
brought sOme bees along in a little tin box
He colored their wings with violet ink, SO that
he would know the insects again and let them
go IN the heart of the city, The fret time he
did 1t he released six bees at the BidGla street
market and believe they got home before We
did, because they were ali on hand attic nding
to business the next morning. Just as though
they took fourteen-mile journey every day.
Occasionally a bee fails to come back, but in
nearly every instance they return in e few
hours. Once he lot five, whose wings had
been colored red, out of their box at q
o clock In the morning, on the cor
ner of 4th and Biddie, while his
little sister watched the hive at home. One
arrived, tired almost to death, and dropped
at the door of the hive little before 2, and
three more came before 5 in the evening. all
apparently much fatigued. His experiments
with q nest of large black ants have been
equally satisfactory, for some marked ants
have found their way home after being released
more than mile distant from the hollow tree
in which they lived. How they do it is a ques-
ton, but they generally do, and so il is likely
the travels of both ants and bees are much
wider than is generally supposed.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-09-06
Can Gold Re Manufacturedp

Professor p T. Austen in the North American Review
with the gods and the chemists all things
are possible" said the illustrious chemist, Hor-
mann. Nor does the statement seem much
overdrawn when one considers the stupendous
results obtained during the last quarter Of a
century by chemical investigators. The ex-
traordinary researches of Newlands Mendelejeff
and Myer have shown that the atomic weights
of the chemical elements, OF which all matter
is composed, occupy definite and unchange-
able positions In geometric hg-
ure, and that the properties OF matter
may be considered "a mathematical functions
of numbers. These discoveries throw open for
investigation territory that contains treasures
beyond the power of the Imagination to
describe. Wellsbach, following these investi-
gators. split up the metal didymium into
two other elements, proving-what had long
been suspected by chemists-that some
of the heavy metals could be resolved
into simpler elements had we the requisite
forces wherewith to break them up; and, as
the conclusive demonstration of his discovery,
he then reunited the new elements, phraeso-
dymium and hemodymium, and gave us back
the compound substance, didymium. Crookos
published q series of brilliant experiments on
the metal yttrium, similarly breaking up this
element into q number of substances which he
reunited again to reproduce the original
yttrium Last comes Gruenwald, who ihfers
from spectroscopic investigations that all our
elements can be reduced TO but two primal
forms of matter.
Now that this field has been opened to inves-
tigation there can be no limit assigned to the
discoveries that may follow. The forces at our
control are growing daily more powerful and
more manageable. Victor Myer has been able
to heat iodine until it exists IN its atomic con-
ditlon. What the next condition will be no one
can tell.
These facts, and many others that could be
given make il probable that the so-called chem
zeal elements are not really elements, but COM
pounds which in time we shall be able to sep
arate into their constituents, and, conversely,
to reproduce by combining other substances.
Among the heavy elements-and hence those
that would be expected to yield to the search
ing attacks of the chemists gold IL is not
improbable that in time it will become possible
to make gold in large quantities--an event
which would throw it out OF use as standard
of value, SO far as it derives its own value from
its rarity
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-09-06
A CHEROKEE ROMANCE,
How . Wealthy Pennsylvania Girl Won
an Indian Chief.

From the ST. Louis Globe Democrat
On prominent eminence In the prairie
overlooking the town Of Tahlequah, 1T, has
been solitary grave for sixteen years II
contained the remains Of Mary Downing. the
wife Of q full-blood Cherokee chief Louis
Downing. At the tins of her death the place
was her home, and il was her dying request
that she should be buried on the summit Of the
hill Since then the property has passed into
strange hands, and the grave has been in the
midst OF a corn field. The present owner. Q
gentleman from Georgia, hearing that she was
chiefs wife, thought il due her 10
rest in more sacred place. So her remains
were exhumed recently and taken 20
the Tahlequah Cemetery. Her maiden name
was Mary Aver. She war born in Bethlehem
Pa. was highly educated and accomplished
ana woman of wealth. She had very roman
tic ideas, and her infatuation for Indians was
extreme. In 1865 Chief Lewis Downing was
sent to Washington, ID. c., on business for the
Cherokees. Though a full-blood. he spoke
English quite well. While At Washington he
had occasion to visit Bethlehem, and accident
ally met Miss Aver; who fell desperately IN love
with him. The chief fingered longer in Beth
lehem than he had intended. not being able TO
tear himself away from the charms of so fair q
lady, and ere his departure had won her con-
sent to be his bride and share q place in his
wlgwam. 1t was agreed between the two that
she would follow him TO the territory and be
married at the capital. She required six
months to dispose of her property and convert
her vaiuables INTO cash. Chief Downing re-
turned to his nation. and with him il proved
''out OF sight out OF mind The ardor OF his
love for Miss Aver soon cooled, and he wrote
Withdrawing his engagement
She, after reading his letter, ed that
cit took two to make . contract and two to
break 1t" and so wrote him. Before this letter
reached the chief he had married a dusky
maiden of his own tribe. Miss Aver having
gotten everything in readiness started for the
territory. According TO contract she arrived
at Tshlequah, and on hearing of his marriage
made up her mind to make her home among
his people, devoting her life to their advance.
ment Years elapsed and the chiefs wife died
Miss Aver being still single, he renewed his
broken vows and WAS again accepted. They
were married and went to the home she had
built. The life she had so long dreamed oil
was realized, but not long was she permitted tc
fill his house with light and love ere death
claimed her. On her dea:hbed she told the
chief that on the third evening after her buria
she would return to him at her home. But he
inheriting the superstition of his race, closed
the house after the funeral and returned to his
home. about thirty miles distant on Grand
river. 1t is said that On the third night after
her burial lights were seen moving from
window to window and the Indians firmly be-
lieve to this day that she reappeared on thai
night.