The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1890-11-20
HUMOROUS.

WITH all its stubbornness and other
shortcomings one good thing can still
be said in favor of the mule 1t never
chews gum.-ltam's Horn.
Ministerial Friend-aWhat do you
finl il hardest - overcome. my lad?'
Young smithly-.'lier fathers preiu-
dice against me. "--lanken blade
jack why do they give all these
dishes French namese Ey their COM
mon English names they'd taste as
| sweet Tom-"ies, but they wouldn't
cost as much. - Munsey's Weekly.
| AT the End Of the Season. Miss
Waltower-'i believe in looking out for
number one" Miss Goait-"Oh, Of
| course. But I'm looking out for num-
Der five, nov. Puck.
Now, between you and me, dar-
! ling" he began 'tieorge, she inter-
| ruptel. realizing how strong was his
clasp, how can there DO any thing be-
! tween you and me? There isn't room"
| -Eoston Herald.
| -.McNatty." sail merchant to his
clerk, You are perfectly useless, and l
shall have to fire YOU" .Oh, don't
! this, beg oi you.' replied the clerk.
earnestly. Epoch.
Poor Dog,-loung Husband What
are you crying for. deara" Young Wife
-"fido, tho naughty dog, ate up cake
/ made, and-boo hoo" Husband
We'll, no matter, darling. we can easily
| replace Filo. Yankee Blade
/ Mis-, Rosebud lat her first race)--
And who did you say that gentleman
in the checked suit was?" Mr.
!. Straightip-"O. that is s.. the book
maker" Miss Rosebud tenthusiastical-
ly)--'na bring him up and introduce
him. ion know doie upon authors"
Brooklyn Life.
a Comfort. What is the matter,
dear boy You are hardly year mar
ried, and look so troubledo" Il had no
/ idea, | must confess. that a wife was go-
ing to be 50 costly a thing" We'll,
that Is not 50 much, you know, con-
| sidering how long She lasts. ."--Flie-
gcnde Hlatter.
-"ion soc that girl over there?" she
began. when the osheranswered "Yes,
she lives opposite rs. She's deaf and
/
there | sat behind her in the street-car
for four blocks and made remarks about
that dowdy hat she had on. all for moth
ing. .'-T.rre Haute Express.
For bet or worse
1t cheers the old maids to be taken for
girss,
They like II to last al their lives.
| Bat there, something that please them bet
| ter tan that
Is just To be taken for wives.
Philadelphia Times
Mrs Younghriae - please have
every gas-IGrner in the house lighted.
| will you, Gaor-e?" Mr.. Youngbride-
Isn't it rather an unnecessary extrav-
agance. darling? ?" t.rs. loungbride-
Not al all. lind th"re is discount
on ga> bills paid bttore tho lath. and
We must run up big gas bill so as 10
get nice, big discount. America.
-Grandma ito young hopeful who has
been an hour with her, and has not yet
received an invitation to partake)-
"Dordic, what did your mother tell you
just before you left home?" Dordie-
.'Danma. the lass thing she said to mo
was, 'Dord, my child. be careful an
don't ca, too much pie" The pie was
soon forthcoming. -llarper's Eazar.
Mrs. Goldust-"John, | wish you
would send the otfice-boy up this morn
ing with So. | want to send it to the
fresh-air fund. | see that SIS will keep
poor child in the country for week. :"
Mr.. Gold ust-"Can't do It. The office
boy has a holiday to-day" Mrs. Goldust
, --t.IDrat tho little INN Why cant poor
| people stick to their work, '-~ America