Dodge City times., 1890-05-09
BENCH AND BAR HuMoa.
4 New York Lawyer Recalls . Few Good
Ahecdotes Illustrative Of Le1aa
wit and Humor.

Many of the good, old-fsshioned
legal anecdotes that have seen hard
service in their day and have been
honorably retired long since, are great
favorites of mine. writes A. j. Hum
mel, of New York, in the Herald.
While they possess the rich flavor Of
age for me, / have found as q general
thing that they we're new to my aud
fences, particularly to the more youth
full element.
One of the best of these old time
stories relates to lawyer in whose
hands was placed a claim for collec-
tion. He agreed to undertake the
work on q contingent fee-viz.. q re-
tention Of half the amount he would
succeed in collecting. He promised to
act vigorously. but weeks passed and
the client heard nothing. He finally
wrote to inquire what had been done
in the matter. BY the return mail he
received this replv:-"I have already
got my half Of the claim. If you will
wait few months may be able to Sc
cure your half"
This brings to my mind another an
scdote relating to fee. A young man
visits the office of an attorney and
gives him a claim of $1O6 to collect.
Your name?" asks the disciple Of
Blackstone.
Elijah Simpson" is the reply.
'.Not the son of my old friend Lige
Simpson,? Yes? Well. you don't know
how glad 1 am to meet my old friends
son. Give me your hand" and he
wrings the young mans hand with the
utmost effusion. adding. Il hope you
will come in and see me often. 1t will
be treat for me, assure you, to have
an opportunity of conversing with you
about your father"
A week later young Elijah calls
again. The lawyer rushes forward to
greet him, seizes both his hands and
shakes them. repeating his good wishes
over and over, and expressing his
great pleasure at having it in his power
to serve Lige's son.
Then you have the money for mci"
suggests Simpson.
Certainly. certainly. Hero it is"
and he hands an envelope carefully
sealed to the young fellow, who tears
it open and finds five &6 bills.
"Where's the reste" asks Elijah.
'Oh; my fee is $751;" is the reply.
As Simpson edges toward tho door
he says to his fathers friend: II
guess I'm lucky to get $25. I'm awful
ly glad you didn't know my grand
1 suppose you have all heard the
story about the big lawyer and the lit
tie one who had heated argument in
the courtroom. 1 have had it told
with me for the hero. and I suppose
that every other attorney who is small
has also figured in it. and that reminds
me that many a good anecdote that has
gone the rounds about me has first
reached my knowl dge through the
Well. the story runs that
the big lawyer became sxasperated at
his opponent and remarked. contempt
why, could pick you up
and put you in my pocket"
In that event." rstorted the little
man, "you would have moro law in
your pocket than you have in your
head"
This is after the same line as the
of the Judge who had made
q decision particularly CALLING to q
young advocate, who had been argu-
ing for an hour on the wrong side.
Your Honor" exclaimed the young
lawyer in his indignation, If that de-
cision is law l will burn every book in
my library"
Better read them," was the laconic
comment.
Instances of humor from the bench
Ire very numerous. recall . little
bit of byplay I heard once in the Su-
preme Court Chambers. The lawyer
ior the motion-a man noted for his
oud, sonorous voice-was not present
when his case was called, and his clerk
asked for an adjournment on the
ground that his employer was attend
ng q reference on Nassau street. Tho
opposing counsel insisted there should
oe no delay.
'I'll tell you what I'll do" said His
Honor to the clerk; you go to the
Office and tell Mr.. Blank to
make the argument where he is. I'll
,ave the window of the courtroom
opened, and I don't suppose I'll have
my trouble hearing him."
Funny things are always happening
n court. There was at one time in
he Court of Special Sessions an inter.
,reter-a barber by profession. who
with lather and razor when
lot interpreting-who talked 80 broken
y that when he spoke English you
Wished he would stick to German and
vhen he tried German you longed for
him to tackle English again. I had
occasion to ask German witness if
he defendant had not struck him with
! stove pipe. and the interpreter
translated my remark into
he Teutonic equivalent for: Ibid
he defendant hit you with silk hat?"