Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-10-09

1OnCttIGAClA- hO ANOAN y ~@~'~-~H-
He was a Clever Waiter, etc,
etc.
AN UNPLEASANT REMINDER.
Singleton (singing) oh, there's music
in the air, music
Benedict-Please don't sing that. It's
an unpleasant reminder.
"0f what"
"Of how my two-year-old heir howls |
when he wakes up at night. "-lLswrence
American.
WHAT HE WANTED TO DO. .
Jolliboy--I wish l had 500, 600.
Mrs. Jolliboy-Why, what would you
do?
Jolliboy-Nothing.-- Bazaar.
MAN OF BUSINESS.
Teacher-Willie, can you name the
five sensesl
Tommy Qrom back seat)-I can tell.
Teacher-Well, Tommy, what are
they9
Tommy-A half dime.-[New London
Telegraph.
JUST LIKE HIS IMPERTINENcE.
Old woman presents herself at the
booking office, and asks for third-class
ticket.
"Where forp' inquired the clerk.
''That's my business !" was the reply.
Il Dictionnaire Universal.
ACQUITTED FOR.
''How do you like your new minister,
Cora,n asked her father.
"Oh, he's just splendid. He draws
twice as large congregations as the Rev.
Mr.. Oldwun, whom he succeeds
81 suppose he is much more eloquent
and impressive than Mr.. Oldwun."
''N-no He is rather an ordinary and
tiresome speaker, but he's young, hand
some and unmarried"
'Oh, yes, l understand" said her
father. "The increase in the congrega-
tion is made up wholly of young wo-
men. n--INorristown Herald.
BY FLOOD AND FIELD.
Wings-I had an awful experience
with sharks off the coast of Maine.
Wangs-I had narrow escape from
them in Kansas.
''Kansas?"
eyes. Real estate sharks. - [st. Joseph
News.
JoHNNY's HANDS.
Mother--Johnny, you said you'd been
to Sunday school.
Johnny with far-away look)-Yes'm.
Mother-How does it happen that
your hands smell fishyG
JOHNNY carried home tn Sunday
school paper, an AN tn outside page
is all about Jonah an th' whale. - New
York Weekly.
| NEARING THE HoMEsTRETcH.
He was taking her home after the the
atre and a little supper at Delmonico's.
Darling" said he, suddenly, as he
| gazed dreamily at the silvery disc over
head, "why am like the moonGn
''It isn't because you're full, is itp
she asked, as she edged away from him,
"No," said he, sadly, 'I'm on my last
quarter. p Our Society Journal.
HE WAS A CLEVER WAITER.
In restaurant. A frightfully bald
customer has just begun his dinner,
when he suddenly calls the waiter and
points to hair in the soup.
| ''Where did that come from2"
sit must be monsieur's."
| The customer, evidently much flat
tered, replied:
| "No doubt, my good fellow, no doubt.
Fun.
MADE HIM SICK.
| "What's the matter with Jimpson tina
4 he has taken to his bed9n
/ Ellis wife persisted yesterday in read
ing some old love letters he sent her be
fore marriage. "-[Epoch.
KIND-HEARTED BRIDGET.
i Cooking-school Girl Bridget, wha
: did you do with that cake | baked yes
terday9 Mr.. Finefcllo is here, and I wan
to give him some.
Bridget Wull, mum, I'll get it fu
ye if ye say SO; but sure it isn't me wut
! be discooragin' noice young mon lik
that. New York Weekly.
THE ONLY KIND OF BEAU SHE HAS.
81 do love archery so well p exclaime
Miss Elder, enthusiastically.
EYES," replied Miss Amy; sit give
Il you chance to have bow. VI Yves
| Shore.
WHAT HE MEANT.
81 understood you to say that yor
a charge for services would be light, con
/, planned the client when the solicitt
handed him big bill. ~ believe I di
: say my fee would be nomiital, (" was Il
. lawyers reply, /" but "Oh, see,
8 hastily interrupted the client, "yo
9 meant phenomenal. q Chatter.
WHY HE CAME.
9 Landlady (delightedly) And D
3 Curenone advised you to come here
eyes; I'm under treatment and !
said | must avoid overeating."
FATAL OBJECTION.
: Uncle Ned I've brought you a nit
/ little dog, Johnny, the best one you ev'
u saw.
! Johnny-I-dont think I'll like him
4 Uncle Ned (astonished Whats Il