Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-23


train while she is saying some things which
she has already said several times, but he
must not precede her from the room.
When you 60 down the stairs, especially
at the elevated stations in New York, you
must not cover more than one flight at
time with your skirts; otherwise you will
not only soil your skirts, but you will delay
traffic. This is almost as rude as it is for
preoccupied ass to pre-empt the sidewalk by
holding his umbrella so as to knock out the
eyes OF people who desire to retain their
eyes, or for him to stick his legs across the
aisle OF car and trip up a blind woman
whose eyesight he has previously destroyed
with his umbrella.
The best works on bridal tour etiquette
thus far have forgotten to speak of how to
eat celery properly. Celery may be eaten
with grace, or it may be eaten in such a way
as to bring pain and sorrow to the hearts of
those we love the best. Select stalk by
deftly pulling it out OF the ornamental um-
brella stand in which it has been placed on
the table, and if you drag the whole thing
out by mistake, do not curse or otherwise
seek to attract attention to yourself, but
burst forth into merry laugh, and while
you tell some rich anecdote or other, you
may select some of the best stalks and re-
place the others in the aquarium.
Then gently stabbing your celery into the
salt, which should be on your plate, and not
on the cloth or elsewhere, softly insert the
vegetable into the mouth, not to exceed four
or four and one-half inches, meantime hold
ing the little finger high in the air in order
to give grace to the motions of the hand.
MAsT1oATINa THE CELERY.
Now close the mouth quietly, and then in
rapid succession you may masticate the
celery, but the mouth should be kept closed
at such times. People who open the mouth
while chewing the provender make great
mistake.
To eat your celery without being audible
Is an ambition that's highly laudable.
L quote the above from the preface of a
little work of mine, entitled 'How to Do
mesticate man."
have spoken several times of the eti-
quette of sleeping cars, and these rules are
general, of course, applying to all classes of
people. However, I hope you will not
allow Bartholomew to lie for you as some
husbands do when their wives want to swap
an upper berth Tor lower one. Not long
ago had good lower berth near the ther-
mometer so that 1 could watch the squint of
the mercury as 1t ciomb up and looked over
the edge of the tube and then gently crawled
back into its bulb again with blue lips and
chattering teeth.
Anon a man with a luxuriant head of
whiskers came to me and said I could do
him q great favor if would swap berths
with his wife, as they had been unable to get
a lower berth. I said was not very we'll,
and in other ways seemed to hesitate and
hang back, for it is not long since 1 gave
my pleasant berth to an unknown woman
who had not the grace of God in her heart
nor the grace OF anybody else in her general
bearing. She did not even thank me. 1
got the pneumonia, and it took two weeks to
rim out my poor congested lungs
Well, this Mr.. Whiskers said that the
only reason he wanted lower berth for his
wife was that she was almost always seasick
while travelling on the cars, and especially
when in an upper berth. He also added
that her berth was over mine. Recalling
the general gloom and other things that
A sEAsIcK PERSON
can cast over community at times, de-
cided to yield my berth. Next morning I
told the conductor about it as put large
plaster on my chest. He said yes, that was
getting to BIZ quite popular way of soaring
a man out of lower berth now. He hardly
made trip, he said, that some man was not
rided Of, his berth right in that manner.
At the railway eating houses or other eat
ing works, avoid extending the neck with
serpentine motion while swallowing, and
endeavor also to avoid any report when
swallowing. Eating is done mostly for the
purpose OF nourishing the physical strength,
and not to irighteR other people away from
the table. So you should not move the head
to suit the motion OF the knife while eating.
Keep the elbows close to the sides. Raise
the knife slowly, together with its contents,
and insert both into the mouth with an air
OF natural candor and sincerity which will
endear you to one and all. II food should
lodge on the blade of the knife up near the
hilt. do not try to get it off with the mouth,
as the blade may be longer than you had
calculated and injure your voice. A friend
Of mine made mislick of this character
once, and his voice has been cracked in two
places ever since.
Finger bowls with small Turkish towels
on which the monogram is worked, are still
in favor. Do not take off the cuffs and turn
them when about to use the finger bowl. 1t
looks too much as if you were affecting
great degree of neatness in order to attract
attention to yourself.
BE GENTLE WITH BARTHOLOMEW,
When you are married try to be good
wife to your husband. Try earnestly to
make him SO happy that he will hardly miss
the dear old home nest from which you have
so suddenly snatched him. Be gentle with
him, guiding his young and tender feet
along the narrow and somewhat lonely path
, II \