The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1890-07-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

~ hSSs . nv \ Hoi'ok 10 SnA .
sfE0na to be.-AGhison GRobe.
Out West it is cheaper to travel than
to stay at home.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The man who thinks he is bright is
seldom inclined to keep it dark
Buffalo Courier.
An Albany papet advertises q rattle
for a COW 1t will be Il milk-shake.-
Troy telegram.
Don't try to drown your sorrows in
q jug; troubles are great swimmers
Ashulic Citizen.
80 dark and yet so light" as the
man said about his short ton of COAL
Harvard Lampoon.
Never place so much confidence in
your minister rs to sleep during the
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT Ldmpoon.
Arthur-"Don't marry Ella. She is
as silent as a post" Fred-"Then she
is just the girl to hitch to."-Detroit
Free Press.
Jaek-''Were you ever crazy with
iove" Jim-"Ycs, indeed" Jack
What cured you" Jim-"Marriage-"
Boston Courier.
There's a piano-player up atSprigg's
Museum without any arms" How does
he play, with his feetp" mo, by ear"
-Ausical Coaricr.
IL think. said a disappointed and
discouraged actor, 'that | would have
made the hit of my life by not being
born."- Washington Post.
If the truth were known many n
boastful soldier has never been under
fire except when discharged from the
army.-Binghamton Express.
The expression wasn't in it" dates
back to the flood and referred to the
luckless sinners who were barred out
Of the ark.-Mtnneapolis Tribune.
The only genuine original package
was filled. not with liquor. but with
original sin. And it is still doing
business at the old starM.-Phihudelphid
Press.
do you believe in paying as you
go" asked Hamfattcr Of the hotel
clerk. Yes; if you want to take yorr
luggage along with you.'-M Y.
Herald.
Are you Americans still as fond of
ball rs evcr?:" Yes, indeed. Why,
all our best families are adding ball
rooms to their homes.n "Fhwncy!"-
Chatter.
Man of the House 70 the Peddler-
"Get out of here or I'll whistle for the
dog" We'll, now. but wouldn't you
like to buy a nice vistle?"-Philadel.
phaa Times.
Street-car conductor Ito driver)-"I
wonder what that man is running so
for."-Driver Cooking back)-"Meb-
by the fool wants ter git on. G'lang."
~. y. Weekly.
u called to see about some verses
called Burning Words I sent here six
weeks ago" II remember them.
They were too enthusiastically took
iire."-M Y. Sun.
People never know, either in dis.
puted or other matters, how much
may be said on each side until they
hear two women talking over a fence.
Philadelphia Times.
That champagne" said Bliggins,
'is what l call a nectar fit for the
gods" Maybe; but it's something Of
| a. loL III pClANSy " SlllhCS
me- Washington Post.
Il hear Jay Gould entertained an
angel unawares the other day" Lucky
for the angel. If Gould had known
who it was he'd have absorbed his
crown and harp."-Lye.
Goethe says life is n quarry out OF
which a man must chiscl a character.
Other people will chisel him out of It
quick enough if it be for their interest
10 do so.-1eGas Syttngs.
Clara (waking)-"Whose poem was
that you've just rcadp" Isabella
why, that IN Browning's." Clara
IL thought so. 1 knew it the mo.
ment fell asleep."-1own Topics.
Mrs. Basklcy-"What's the matter.
Henry9 You look Disguised" Bask-
ley-"Why. Igave a poor widow $40
on the sly to buy coal with and she
didn't tell anybody. "-1tunsey's Weekly.
"lfyoull go to work I'll give you
something to eat" said the kind-heart-
ed woman. II can't follow my pro,
fession unless you do" returned the
tramp. for l am an after-dinnerspeak.
er."-Ltfc.
Creditor-"When are you going to
pay your debts:" 'Debtor-"That's
none of your COMPOUNDED business
''But l need my money" That's
none of my COMPOUNDED business
German joke.
Willets-.'Whntever became of young
Ponsberry, the poet who used to &c
around here with his head in the clouds.
Millcts-"He is still at it. He is &
circus aeronaut at present ."-Icrrt
Hdute ErDress.
Jinks-''That young lady may he a
fine pianist, as you say, but there is no
warmth to her touch" Blinks-"l
guess you didn't hear her play the
Moonlight SymphonyW Jinks-"No
but l squeezed her hand."-M Y
Weekly.
Bank Presidcnt-"Did You say, Mr.
Bullion, that the young man you
recommended is. subject to fits of alb
straction?" Mr.. Bullion-''Yes. oc
c%asionally." Bank President-"Ther
he will not suit us as cashier. "-Ifar
pcr's Bazar.
The man who is driven to profanity
and drink by over hard work will be Z
white-winged soprano iu the heavenly
choir when the square, generous gam
bier who never toiled a hour in hi
life is pumping the organ bellows be
low.-1shiand Press.
May l have the honor of thi!
waltzPn But don't think / have thu
pleasure of your acquaintance" 20
yes. | trod on your foot about half al
hour since, and l heard you say you
would remember me rs long as yor
livedn-7he Jester.
Husband of Authorcss-"My dear
YOU are famous now! Your picture i
in the newspaper" (Authoress take:
one glance and bursts into tears.
Husband-"Why, my dear what is tho
mattcr?" Authoress-'The horrit
things have made me with u last year!
: bonnet on."--N. y. Sun.
Managing Editor-"What's this
: Mr.. %Scooper? Ten dollars for q mag
nifying glass? / sent you to the beacl
to write up the ladies' bathing dresse
not 10 study natural history" Re
oortsr-t.T EpnNr IL sip. Inf had Il