The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-05-21

IL oGtAhOo diC y Oo W lioNS
had that done by this time. y Washing
ton Post.
Eastern Boy-''Did you ever play
footballP' Western Boy (watching the
game)-..No; but once got caught in
a drove of stampeded mules. ~. T.
Weekly.
Lawyer explaining to clienD-
well, now, my dear, to tell you the
truth Client (bouncing up and
out)-"You are no lawyer. VASE
i'agto'e Star.
You should air your apartments if
YOU wish to rent them. Mrs. Browne" "
said the agent. You know what
Hamlet said, Flat, stale and unprotita-
BILE. .'"-Puck.
Chairman of Committee-"W want
a watch worth 800 to offer as prize
in an amateur athletic contest"
Jeweler-'One that will cost about
$50. l suppose. Life.
Now, Katy, how many kinds OF
poetry are there?" 1.-The lyric. the
dramatic, and the-e-epT' Elsie
(breaking mo, know! The epi-
demic. .'-Fliege'ade Btatter.
Tonsorial Artist Gnsinuatingly)-
but your hair, sir. comes clear down
to your coat collar" Stubborn Victim
-..In that case I'll have the coat collar
cut down."-Dry Goods Chronicle.
Biones-.'I don't like De Jinks. You
can't believe word he says Giles
..What do you think of his brother?n
Bjones .'Unbearable. He always tells
the truth. ."-Lippincott's Magazine.
..It's queer how often you read of
actors wives trying to commit suicide"
YES" replied Muriatic, 'but maybe
they sit out in front sometimes and
look at the play Washington Post.
Professor-.'Wha is the difference
between knowledge and conceit?"
t-.Knowledge is what we our
selves know; conceit is what the other
fellows think they know. IN Y
Press.
stDoctor--''Tell you the truth, I'm
heartily sick of my profession. If you
only knew how many fools come to me
for advice-' Frankleigh-''I never
thought of it before, but it does seem
foolish, that's fact. Boston Tran
script.
The Doctor-'tI have wondered if it
be possible for there to be any lawyers
in heaven" The Lawyer-'.It really
is pity to think that you shall never
be able to find them."-Terre Hawte
Express.
He was not much good for speed
formerly" said the proprietor of a very
dejected-looking horse, but | think
he's making record now.'' ''How's
that?', He is dying fast. Washing
ton Press.
Merchant (to his rk)-''How can
YOU take your hat off to that man when
you know how he has cheated me?n
.'How can help taking my hat off to
any man who can cheat ?"-FIte-
ge,ade BIGtter,
Mother-'.My boy | didn't mean to
whip you so hard" Willie (who has
been stealing jam) That's all right,
ma. / didn't get quite enough jam
anyhow, and I'll go and get a little
more. IN Y. San.
I'm going to make speech to-
night" said Congressman Blanks
private secretary to his wife. You
make speechP' Yes: I'm going to
make it tonight and Mr.. Blank will
deliver it tomorrow. y Washington
Post.
Husband-"Ain't you ready yet?"
Wife-"Ill be ready in a minute. I've
only got one glove to put on" Hus-
hand (sighing) of those ten
button gloves. Well, I'll sit down and
write four or five more letters.-Teras
Sytiags.
First New Yorker-eWell, we may
as well scratch Gen. Sherman's name
off the list' Second New-Yorker-
''WhyP" F. n. Y.-'.The General an
nounces that he has his monument
selected and paid for."-St. Paul
Pio,aeer-PresS
-''When an Indian gives present
it is always with the expectation of
getting something in return of equal
or greater value" She-"Why, how
funny. That's just exactly like our
wedding present system, isn't it?"-
Terre Ha,tte Express.
Little Boy-'This paper speaks of
young lady who has an attractive face.
Does that mean pretty?" Papa-''What
young lady is the paper talking about?"
Its about an heiress." at means she
isn't quite homely enough to stop
clock. Y. Weekly.
eLampy," said the Ibis, who was
sucking the paste-brush, deep in
thought, ''can't high-toned people live
in tenor-ment?" Certainly" replied
the Jester, mechanically; so can low
down people live in a basement, can't
theyp"-Hdrcard Lanzpoon,
Faithful Domestic Please. mum,
you'll have to get another dog or l
won't stay" Mistress-'.I mourn the
loss of poor Fido as much as you do,
but | don't think of leaving the house
on that account" Faithful domestic
-''But, mum. you don't have to wash
the plates. IN Y. Weekly.
.Look here" said Senator to his
spend-thrift son; II must protest
against your idleness and extravaganza.
What would you do if you had a
father who made you work?' What
would do?" repeated the lad, as he
blew ring from his cigarette. We'll,
I'd say he was a good 'un. . Washing
ton Post.
Mrs. Gadder-"You really must ex-
cuse me, my dear, but fell so in love
lively had to get one like it." Mrs.
CHdItor lWlIn u Scoiului Sldhce at MIS-.
Gadder's plush garment)-"O, I'm
sure that's very nice of you. They say.
you know, that imitation is the SINGER
est fattery. .''-Anserica.
Boston PHOTOGRAPHER Now fix
your eyes on this subject" Customer
do you wish me to smile?" Boston
Photographer-"A gentle smile might
be well. Remember what Richter
says: The happiness of life consists
not in single flashes of light, but in
continuous mild serenity Thank you.
That is the idea exactly. y."-4naertca.
The peanut, shelled, has been intro
duced at dinner parties instead of