Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1890-05-21
HUMOROUS.


FAMILY LAwYER-G understand
that you are suitor for the hand OF
the daughter of my millionaire client?
Titled foreigner Yes, monsieur, In
part.
Family lawyer-In part2 Explain
yourself.
Titled foreigner with a shrug)-
Well. monsieur, to be frank wiz you,
shall expect 70 Ocketbook zat goes wiz
ze hand.
YoUNG MAN gazing dreamily at
the candy case in fancy grocery storel
IL wish to get something real nice
for IA young lady, but hardly know
what TO select.
Grocer lbrlsklyJ-VeTy younS2
Young Man-'BOut lT-still going to
boarding school,
Groceries. sir, John, show this
gentleman to the pickle counter.
A.-Jonss did not recognize You
when he passed Just now.
B.-well, you e his eyeslsht is
bad.
never heard that before.
Yes, lie has become cold aud indiEer-
ent since his eyesight was affected hy a
draft
Yes. it was sigh draft. l crew il.
on him for some money he has been
owing me for a long time. He never
sees me now no matter how close may
be 10 him.
"YoU should visit the seaside, Mr..
Blank, =" said a gushing young maiden
Il n. Ifaf fn
the murJ uril Z Cf tie tide"
~ hear enough Of that every day" {"
gruuted the lawyer.
"Where att" quer.el the girl.
''Iu the divorce court" replied the
wretch.
NO limitations for him.-A lite North
Side boy. who was visiting a playmate
the other evt ming, was invited to take
a ride on the latter'S rocking horse
II don't want 10 ride on that thing, :"
he said, somewhat skornfully- Its
only u wooden horse When | get to
be n an I'm going TO have one made
of meat.
PHILOSOPHER Iat the theatrel-It Is
most remarkable TO me how that hero
and heroine can act so yividly, like
truly imptssicuei lovers.
Theatre IIabltue-On the stage those
two are man and wife.
PhIlosopher-Yes it's remarkable
very remarkable.
AT the New York hospital Surgeon
WHAT brought YOU to this dreadful
cOudItiuuS Were you run over by u
street CaTF'
Taueut-"No. sir; l tainted, am
was brought 20 by = member OF the So
Ciety Of First y u TO the Injured"
SEEING II IN q new Lightly on
ought 20 quit smokI = cigarettes, DE
Sappy. It's injurious I your health. "
"Aw,'' pun. pufIg
Yes; physicians say cigarettes para
iyZe the bI ain ~
"Aw.' Puff pufIl
Besides, the Prince Of Wa'es has
you don't sayg" Throws it
away
"TuEEE is one soIace left to me. at
least D." remaI kei the oil farmer. after
all my boys leave and 20 up 10 the city.
after the pigs and cattle dIs, and every
thing else forsIkes me, there Is ut least
one thing that viii stick - the o'd
farm"
"And that is
Tine mOrtgage.'
Mr.. VENERABLE Cwho had not seen
her FOR years How beautiful Mrs.
Grayaire, you were in your youth
Mrs. GrJyaiTe remembering his
weakness And how idiOtic you were.
Then after looking ut him 4 moment,
And you have not chgnged much"
GUEST TO head waiterl-Is your
name Tide2
Waitsr-No, sir.
Guest-Or Timer
Waiter-Not ut all.
Guest--Well, it ought to be one Of
them. You wait on no man.
MINISTER Ito trampl-Teu me, now,
haven't you stolen something recently
Tramp-Yes, boss, l have.
Minister-Nell, promise me now
that you will Sjve il back TO the own
ers. What did you steal?
Tramp-A ride on a freight train.
The COURT What Is your age, Mad
amp"
The Plaintiff-"Must 1 answer?"
The Court-"You must"
Plaintiff-'Why, Judge, l thought
people didn't have to testify against
themselyes,''
SHE-Oh, horrorsl
He-What is it, darling2
She-I forgot all about poor pussy,
left in the house alone, and we off for
week She'll starye.
Ue-Oh, I remembered her. left a
can OF condensed milk on the kitchen
table with a sardiEe opener beside it.
GABBY--Well, how do you ind your
self7
Crusty- Don't have TO end myself--I
never get lost!
81 TELL you inns IS always at the
end Of the book; never in the middle or
tirst part"
IN bet you a FIVE youu End it
under F. in the dictionary"
A.-What is medicinal wine?
b.-I am not sure, but think it is a
sort OF wine that makes the man who
drinks Il send for doctor.
Earliest Form otLadies' Headdress.
The earliest form OF ladies' headdress
IS said to have been the overchief or