Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-08-21
WIT AND HUM0R.


natured. -AtchiSo11 Globe.
The rule of taking a thing without
asking for it stops with kissing yonr
girl. -Philadelphia Times.
1.-The Dearest Spot on EARTH is Pat
It's Home, Sweet Home" Admission
$7.-PbiJadelphsa Ledger.
How did Robinson happen to get
svamped?" He got into the swim too
deep. "-Munsey's Weekly.
When man cannot borrow anything
else distance will lend enchantment to
his view of others affluence.-AShlaad
Press.
First | wrote for pay, and didn't get
it. Then | wrote for glory" And
didn't get it! You have had hard luck. !"
Jumpers Bazar.
Life is no longer a dream to a man
after the first time his wife sends him
to the drug store for face powder
Ierre Haute LTpreSS.
Wibbe-'Isn't the word GROWER a
London expression?" Wabble-"Cer-
tainly not. 1t is purely A-merry-csn."
-YGrre Haute EapresS.
The maid who goes to the photo
grapher's with the query, do | look
Well?n is always answered in the mega
tive. -PhiLadeLphia Press.
Wife-'If | were to die tonight dar-
ling, what would you do?" Husband
= ''Telephone for the undertaken, |
presume. ~ Washington Star.
Employer We'll, Patrick which is
the bigger fool, you or I?" Patrick
Faith, | couldn't say, sor, but it's not
mesilf, surely."-BoSton Budget.
Mrs. Youngwife-''Did you ever try
any of my biscuits, Judge?" Judge
mo, | never did; but dare say they
deserve IT, Yonkers Statesman.
Matchmaker - These works are
very rusty" Seedleigh -"Well, they
ought to be; that watch has been in
soak for six months. "-B0St0aa Herald.
Young Brind,e-''Pa. can't | have a
flannel Shirt like yoursp" Mr.. Brindle
(speaking from experience)-'My son,
YOU may have this after it's washed. >
LippjncoFs.
Sympathetic Housewife (to ragged
tramp) Poor man, you garments
are sadly frayed." Tramp-"Yes, in
deed. mum, 'fraid of the dorg. "-PhiJa-
dciphjH Press.
Bobby Why do they have that big
lantern in front of the engine, papaP'
Papa with memories of the past)-
10 warn travelling actors, Bobby. -
Teas SytingS.
Il noticed as | came in" said Harold,
with IA pleased look, that your father
has chained the dog" Yes papa says
he don't think you agree with him. y
Washington Post.
Painter to the County Judge, who is
visiting his studio-'.Now. this is my
first picture. What is your Judgment
on it?" imprisonment for life only
-Phiiadelphj0 Times.
Officer (before. guard mounD -
Whats the cOuntersign?" Private
Sootley-"O, there are lots of them.
Bargains in Hosiery was the nearest
to me in the store. "-Judge.
You do not believe in fish diet, do
you, professor" ''Certainly." Then
why do you say in your book on
Health DO not 90 into the water
after hearty meal?"-N. Y. Sun.
Mrs. Slilnpurse-''Anything new in
the paper!" Mr.. Slimpurse-" mo, ex-
Gent that the husband of the woman
whose fine dresses you have been envy.
ing has fled to Canada. N Y Week.
ty.
First Sweet Girl-''Just think! Tn,
Gar of Russia has a throne that cos
$4,000 Second S. G.. = Really
Why, that is not half as much as papa
paid for his seat in the Senate. "-IerYe
Haute Express.
Dearest Laura. don't cry so! L
everything else vaniShes we shall vel
have left to us memory" 'Ah dearest
Emma, then perhaps YOU will remem
Der that | lent you S. two years ago:
-F1iege,ade Blaetter.
Tom Cassimere-"S She's not a beau
ty, my boy, but think of the warmth o
affection she will lavish upon you!'
Will Calico-'W Warmth of affection b,
hanged! I'm thinking of her cold cashr
Dry Goods Chronicle.
You say you stopped at the Skirat,
Hotel all the time you were away
Wasn't the bill pretty high for man o
your means?" 20, not too high.
managed to jump it without much trou
bic. "-Ierre Hdatte Express.
First Young Lady Cat railraod sta
tion)-"What time is it now, dear?
Second Young Lady Cooking at he
watch Mercy! We must begin say.
ing good-by, dear. The train will b,
here in half an hour. ~ Y Weekly
Hostetter McGinnis-''D you reall7
think that we are going to have rea
spring weather now?" Gilhooly-"rv,
the strawberry shortcake looms up n,
bigger than a mans hand. Iera
SJtingS.
81 am striking great social gait,
said Gus Hicollar. I've been to thre
receptions in one week. That ism
anything" said Charley Cashgo in
de ected tone. Il have frequentl,
gone to three balls in one day. Wash
i'agton Post.
The other day in school one of tn
youths was asked by the teacher: ''Fo
what is the Island of Ceylon noted?
And the boy answered with prompt
ness and good faith For its postag
stamps being awful hard to get
Boston Transcript.
Mrs. De Rich listening to new prim
donna at the opera -''Isn't she splen
did9" Mr.. De Rich (wealthy manu-
facturer, enthusiastically = Jus
grand! She's worthy of place along
side of Patti in my soap advertise
mentS w y IEeekLm