davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

will you do it, Abe?" asked the sufferer,
choking with the effort.
"As sure as I'm here, Marx; but what's
the use of talking about dyin'? Goshall-
hemlock, Mark, cheer up. You're not eat
in enough-that Cruel is goin' agln you"
Coin to die as sure as preacnin', Abe.
You can't stop it; Bess can't stop it; no
body can stop it" And Mark coughed
again and then looked inquiringly at his
friend.
"Seen sicker men than you get well, /" said
Abe, moving restlessly in his chair.
"Not with asthma
'Not with asthma, no; but I've seen
Nick Collier get out of typhoid fever after
his eyes was sot, and you know how the
Fletcher boy got up out of his coffin after
be was laid out and ready for the grave
yard" and Abe's ruddy face assumed a
triumphant expression as he narrated these
incidents in village history.
But they didn't have asthma, Abe"
pleaded the sufferer, "and now, old part
ner," he continued, 81 want you to promise
me that aiore they bury me you'll put me
on my face in the coffin. You know L never
slept on my back and 1 amt goin' 10 10 it
when I'm dead. You needn't tell Bess
anything about it. Just slip in afore they
screw the lid and roll old Mark on his face.
Don't say no, now Abe. It's got to be
done"
If it had not been for the rustling of
lilac bush against the window panes noth-
ing would have broken the silence which
followed this strangely eccentric mans
last request. Abe stared blankly at his
friend, and then slowly tying knot in his
white beard, took one Of the sufferers hands
in his own.
"Will you do it, Abe?"
"If you say so, Mark; but I'd ruther
Bess'd do it, cause she knows more about
handlin' you than l."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

and others. There are perhaps 2, 600 toys in
one division of the Patent Office, and one Of
the latest and craziest curiosities is a doll
baby which sucks the bottle. This doll is
patented by Rudolph Steiner, of Germany,
and it consists of a doll baby sitting on
pan with bottle filled with genuine milk
on little table in front of it. A rubber
tube connects with the glass pipe which
runs into the bottle and going into the
mouth of the child runs down behind and
through the doll into the pan. By means
of a svphon which comes out through the
dolls head, machinery is set to work by
which the doll begins to suck and the milk
flows up into its mouth and out into the
pan. No sensible mother would ever think
of buying such toy, yet this man Steiner
thought so much of it that he patented it
both in Germany and America, and he evil
IDENTIFY expects to get fortune out of 1t.
A DAIRY IN THE NURSERY.
Another toy of much the same order is
the toy COW which can be MIXED. This
cow is made of wood or metal, and it has
tank inside of it. There are four udders
connected with this, and these have little
valves in them, so that by squeezing them
q certain amount OF milk flows out each
time. OF course, the tank must first be
filled with milk, and this is done through
pipe that runs up from the tank to the tail
of the COW. The inventor states that the
action of milking is exactly the same as
that of the real COW, and he has, In addi-
tion, an iron wire which connects with the
jaws of the COW and runs back to this tank,
30 that Dolly chews her cud while the
youngsters milk her.
EThe illuminated cat was granted patent
IN 1oo4, and 1t is a cat OF pasteboard or tin
for the purpose OF frightening rats or
mice. This cat is to be made in q sitting
posture, and 1t is painted over with phos-
phorus. SO that it shines in the dark like
cat OF hre. Its Inventor states that it ought
to be perfumed with oil of temperament,
which is obnoxious to rats and mice. and
that while 1t does serve to scare the rodents
away In the dark, it may be made SO as to form
q very useful parlor ornament in the DAYTIME.
Another cat, equally funny, is the natent
sheet iron cat, which is worked bv clock-
work and which has bellows inside of I,
which swells up its tail to the size Of the
msddest OF felines. II properly set IL will
emit noise equal to the widest Of iiv;nn
midnight Ihomases, and it has in addition
steel claws and teeth. You wind it up and
place 1t on your roof, and set it to boWling
All the cats in the neighborhood iumn for
1t, and its poison claws kills every one -
strikes.
PREVENTING GRAVE RoBBINc
There are numerous patents contain;nc
the principle of the illuminated cat
Luminous harness has been patented 40 th,t
o horse being driven at night looks like .
Sheet of chain lightning, and you think
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

1t is the Cone of the Holy Mary and Only
Two Specimens Are Known.
New York SUM-
"What is the rarest shell of all?"
"That," said the conchologist, ''is ques-
ton that answer about hundred times a
a month, by mentioning the superb speci-
men that is called The Cone of the Holy
Mary Why it is so called do not know,
but it is the rarest, because there are but
two known specimens in existence. One of
them is in London, in the British Museum,
I believe, and the story is told that the
she'll is valued at several thousand pounds
sterling-a sort of Koh-i-noor among shells
of wondrous beauty and rarity"
"What is the largest shell known"
"The giant oyster. You can see giant
oyster shells on exhibition in front of sew
eral well-known oyster saloons uptown.
They are imported from India. I remember
that 1 imported pair that measured 81
feet by 4. They weighed nearly 800
pounds"
"And the smallest shell?"
els the rice shell. Lying in bulk in a
basket or barrel the shells would be readily
mistaken for rice grains"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
Crushed but Not Broken.

A good joke is told on Horne Tooke,
whom the Tories in the English House OF
Commons thought to crush, by imposing
upon him the humiliating task of begging
the Rouse's pardon on his knees: Tooke
went on his knees, and begged pardon for
the offensive expression he had used; but in
rising up he knocked the dust of his knees,
and exclaimed loudly enough to be heard
all over the House: TITS dirty House,
after allP' Roars Of laughter followed this
exclamation. and the Tories saw they had
allied in their object.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
MORE REASONABLE VIEWS.

'tYes, unfortunately it is," he admitted,
"and the more's the pity. Why, sir, any
man who fails to deposit his ballot IN favor
of temperance legislation ought to be
whipped to the ballot box with raw hides,
and his children disfranchised to the third
and fourth generation.
"But you ought to see Tim Noonan's place
since the new law went into effect" he con-
tinued, Frightening up. It's changed won
derfully. You used to see crowds of men
hanging over his bar, but they can't do it
now. We have q grating up in front of
every bar, and the men ~whsz Nant>to drink
must sit down at little tables. Let's walk
by Tins place. like to have him see me
for it must make him rave. I've been an
humble instrument in the hands of the Lord
in this reform. Yes, blast me if 1 haven't
and nobody else has been anywhere along
side OF me-"
We walked down toward Tins place, and
couldn't help feeling sorry for him, in
spite of my naturally strong principles
against over-induleence. Graves, the crank,
led the way into the place, much to my sur
prise, and took a seat at one of the tables.
Then he turned round and glared at Tim,
who stood behind the grating which guarded
the bar,
TIM STILL LOOKED PROSPEROUS.
Tim, contrary to my expectations, was
looking very we'll. He had gained ten
pounds or so of fesh, and wore rather better
clothes than in the old days. His saloon
was much more handsomely fitted up. He
remembered me and nodded cordially.
Immediately, a long, thin female who
looked ridiculously like the typical Bos-
ton "blue-stocking, brought plate of
crackers and a dish of cucumber pickles,
and placed them on the table between
Graves and me. Graves bit a cucumber in
two, and 1 thought that the milder acid of
the pickle softened his expression Into some
thing like smile.
"I suppose we ought to buy something"
said I. ''It is hardly right to use his chairs
for nothing
81 would not add to the profits of his ne
farious business" said he.
''Then have glass of water" replied,
'and will take whisky cocktail for me-
dicinal purposes. have had bad night
on the boat"
Whether by mistake or the promptinps of
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
A TRUMPET FROM THE SEA.
II is n Shell Nearly Two Feet Long and
Beautifully Marked.


"What is the strumpeter?' asked a re-
porter of the New York Sun, of promi-
pent shell merchant. The latter went to q
case in the rear Of the store and lifted out
conch-shaped shell nearly two feet in length
and marked like tortoise she'll. A hole
had been drilled in the surface at the large
end of the shell. The merchant placed his
lips to the hole and blew. A rich, sonorous
trumpet blast re-echoed and reached through
the store and brought passers-by to a stand
still in the street. They stared in open
eyed wonder at the man in the doorway
blowing upon handsome she'll.
"It isn't necessary to explain further why
it is called the trumpeter, is it?" exclaimed
the merchant with smile.
"This shell comes from Singapore, and
belongs to the Triton family. Sailors often
use it as iog horn, and it makes a good
one, too. Perfect specimens of the shell are
worth from SO to S15. This is a $15 speci-
men. It's markings, or. rather, what con-
biologists call ita drawings, make itworth
that"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

barkeeper, and 60 through lot OF rigmarole
before the drink is ready. However, did
not begrudge the time, for otherwise
should not have met very pleasant fellow
named Frank Smith, who dropped in just
as we were ready to leave. ] used to know
Frank well, and was really very glad to
meet him.
"How are you, old boy?" said I. "Draw
up chair and let's have a good look at
you?"
GRAVES WAS NEVER SLIGHTED.
Meanwhile I'll order something for the
party" said Frank. "Mr. Graves? Pleased
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

the one great cause of temperance in all
things. I'd have every liquor dealer
hanged, sir; hanged on Boston common
where our forefathers first showed how to
resist tyranny. Down with the saloon
power"
'It is hard to make the mass of the people
coincide with these moderate and reasonable
views" said I.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

Va bAN - dsCh1 SASCs NANN y
side with the greatest inven-
tions of the age are classed
the craziest offsprings of the
human brain. To-day some
mighty Edison patents an
idea which lights the world
and tomorrow some lunatlc
offers a plan by which all
humanity can lift themselves
to heaven by their boot-straps.
In looking through the
Patent Office you are sur
prised at the wisdom and the
fooIishness Of mans intellect.
The one is as great as the
other, and from the foolish
point of view it would seem
that when an idea of q patent
creeps into an inventors
house, common sense flies ont
of his window.
Take the department of
canes and umbrellas. There
are thousands of canes of all
shapes and sizes, and one of
these is a cane and spittoon
combined. 1t is patented by
Myron L. Baxter, of Illinois,
and it states that the tobacco
ohouar has oulv tn suek the
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
n 81

Tim Noonan, the waiter brought two cock
tails, and set one before Graves, whose wrath
was something fearful to witness, and was
mollifed only when 1 drank the two cock
tails in order to get them out of his sight.
There were not many people in the place.
Four men sat at a table near us, and were
ordering drinks in turn. As they had for
gotten where the rounds began they would
probably 60 on indefinitely, trying to make
the thing come out even-at least, that was
the explanation which Tim whispered in my
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
PLENTY OF GUESTS.

In q corner sat man with his head on
the table. Several young clerks had dropped
in for hasty glass of something cooling
for the day was very hot-and having met
friends were chatting comfortably at the
tables, while their employers doubtless
wondered where they were. 1 was Just rls-
ing to leave the saloon, when who should
appear but my old friend Tom Banks.
hadn't seen him for years. We greeted
each other affectionately, and then I intro
duced Graves.
won't you and Mr.. Graves have some
thing?" asked TEN, summoning q waiter.
Graves scowled, and excused him to Tom,
but, of course, after that I had to order
something myself. took mild punch,
for I am not man who indulges in strong
drink.
Under the new Boston rule it takes longer
than formerly 70 get served, for tue waiter
has to run around the grating and tell the
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

head of the cane when he can slip his saliva
into it to the extent of half pint, and that
his lady love or the preacher need know
nothing of it. 'This cane" said he, sis Of
great advantage during the continuance OF
religious services, lectures and other enter
tainments' Its top is made in the shape of
a dogs head, and the opening for the ex-
pectorstion is made in the mouth OF the
dog.
THERE ARE CANES AND CANES.
Another cane has an eye-glass attached
70 its head, and third is so arranged that
a drinking man may carry his allowance of
whisky inside of it and take his nip on the
slv. There are cane umbrellas, sword canes
and pistol canes and canes which are so
iointed that they can be formed into the
legs of stool of such 8 nature that the
pedestrian can sit down and take a rest dur
ing his walk.
Some Of the greatest fortunes are made
out of patent toys and there are dozen toy
inventors who have made fortunes during
the last 20 years. Among these are Gran
dali, vino got up the ''pigs in clover" puzzle;
Plimpton, the man who invented the roller
skates, the inventor OF the returning ball
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
Novel Products of Misguided Genius
to be Found on File in Uncle
Sans Patent Office.
A TOY COW WHICH GIVES MILK.
Hobbler for Chickens That Makes Them
Take Bee-Line Out Of the Garden
When They Begin to Scratch.
MACHINE TO REMODEL UGLY NOSES.
TorpedOes That Blow Up Grave Diggers, and Fighting
Cat Made Of Cast Iron.

CORRESPONDENCE OF THE pIsPATcH.1
WASHINGTON, August al have spent
the past week in looking up the freaks
4. n L.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

the virtue of their fluids. One of these,
some years ago, sent model consisting of
coffin with an embalmed baby in it to the
Patent Office, and was very indignant be-
cause the Commissioner would not put this
dead baby on exhibition
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
THE RAREST SEA sHKLL,

1t is the Cone of the Holy Mary and Only
Two Specimens Are Known.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

There are patents for horses tails as we'll
as cows tails, and the science of making
horses tail extend out from the body at Just
the proper angle, is one which has bothered
the intellects of many patentees. The most
curious among them, however, is the patent
of a Yankee who has invented an adjust
able False Tail for Horses" He claims In
his specifications that this tail will puzzle
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-03-26
Buena Vista.

ARTICLES BY DR.. RUFFNER WITH SUPPLE
LATEST INFORMATION"
DR.. Ruffner, following the publication of
his report made some weeks since upon
the resources of the Buena Vista property
accompanied by his geological map, has
summarized the information then promul-
gated and presents statements showing
the moral soundness and financial promise
Of the development going forward there
And following the preparation of his sum-
mary, a supplementary statement is pre-
sented as the subsequent Investments re-
CURED that showing. This has been done
by President Barclay-the whole forming
one publication.
The summing up in manufacturing de-
velopment and capital operating in build
ing houses, by President Barclay is over
81, 800, 900. This statement of the Presi-
dent dispels all doubt, if any existed, as to
the steel plant which goes into operation
with an invested capital of s250,000
Since February the 9Th, when the enume-
ration ofthe eighteen industries with the
invested capital as stated was no longer q
matter of question, the company to erect
brick-making works, has been formed, as
we'll as several other enterprises Of smaller
import.
The electric light plant has been COM
menced and increased water-supply ex-
banding, and buildings going up all over
the central and northern end of the plain
and plateau land.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-03-26
The Blair Bill.

As for some years one of the catch ques-
lions in political joint discussions in Vir.
GINA has been, Why didn't you pass the
Blair bill? it is we'll for those Democrats
who expect to take the stump to note
these facts: On March Goth, the Blair bill
was defeated in the United States Senate,
which is Republican. Senators Daniel and
Barbour had made speeches in favor of its
passage, and voted for its passage. When
the Blair bill passed the Senate once before
Senator Malone refused to 90 Into the
Senate Chamber to vote for it Testimony
of the late Senator Il. 81. Riddleberger.)
In Joint discussion at Abingdon in 1888
Hon. James W. Marshall asked Senator
81. w. Blair why the Republicans had not
passed the Blair bill when they controlled
all three branches of the Government and
Keifer was the Republican Speaker of the
House. Senator Blair not replying at first,
Judge Marshall pressed the question upon
him. Senator Blair then replied, that the
Republicans had not passed it then, but
that they intended to pass it and would
pass it. 1t was then that Judge Marshall
advancing towards Senator Blair with arms
extended declared with utterance of ire
mendous power, There is place down
below us that is paved all over with just
such intentions" The effect was electric
and there was not man in the audience
who was not stricken at once with the con-
viction that the Republican party was
guilty of false pretences when it professed
its advocacy of the Blair bill.
These facts are thus presented in concise
and condensed form. They will fit very
sDugly in the corner of page of a cam.
paign scrap-book. A word to the wise is
sufficient -Richmond State,
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-03-26
Different Votes on the Blair Bill.

The Blair Bill has been voted upon in
the Senate four times-passed three times
and defeated once as follows -
April 9th, 1884, it passed by vote of SO
to II. On that vote 80 Senators were
absent and or 10 were not paired. Ma
hone refused to vote for it.
March 4th, 1885, it passed by the vote of
SO to II. On this occasion 90 Senators
were paired.
Feb. 14sb, 1888, it passed by the vote of
80 to 20. Eight Senators were paired.
March 2Osh, 1s9c-Thursday last-the
bill was defeated by the vote of ayes 81,
noes 81. AS Blair, who favored the bill,
changed his vote to the negative, when he
saw it would be defeated, that he might
move reconsideration, the bill was really
defeated by the vote of ayes 80, noes 36-a
negative majority of A.
The Republicans made the most positive
promises that if invested with power they
would be sure to pass the Blair bill, but
they have the President and majority in
both Houses, and at the first opportunity
they defeated it. AS the old Dutchman ex-
claimed -
''Mein Got, vat barty! fish de son
uf de fader uf liars.''
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-03-26

al have used Ayers Cherry Pecteral
in nv family for thirty years and have
always found it the best remedy for
Group, to which complaint my children
have been subject. Capt. Q. Carley,
Brooklyn. n. Y.
"From an experience of over thirty
years in the sale of proprietary medi-
cines, feel justified in recommending
Ayers Cherry Pectoral. One of the
best recommendations of the Pectoral is
the enduring quality of its popularity, 1t
being more salable now than IL was
twenty-five years ago, when It's great
success was considered marvellous. =
R. s. Drake, M. D., Beliot, Kans.
"My little sister, four years OF age.
was so ill from bronchitis that we had
almost given up hope of her recovery.
Our family physician, skilful man and
of large experience, pronounced 1t use
less to give her any more medicine
saying that he had done all it was pos
sible to do, and we must prepare for the
worst. As last resort, we determined
to try Ayers Cherry Pectoral, and can
truly say, with the most happy results.
After taking few doses she seemed 10
breathe easier, and, within week, was
out of danger. We continued giving the
Pectoral until satisfied she was entirely
well. This has given me unbounded faith
in the preparation, and l recommend ir
confidently to my customers. &C. o.
Lepper, Druggist, Fort Wayne, Ind.
For Colds and Coughs take
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-03-26

Valley so fruitful in its production. With
in fourth of that time, the Southern de-
mand has become positive assurance. and
it is reasonable to suppose that our surplus
will again assume. its natural relations to
that demand with restoration OF value,
such as our producers participated a few
years ago. The natural laws governing
the progress and thrift Of our agricultural
pursuits are fixed, and the economies to be
instituted and practiced for benefit under
them must be studied and applied. The
paramount obligation upon our people for
their own great good is the introduction,
and prosecution to successful achievement
of a splendid system Of leading and
nelghborhood roads. They will prove the
most inviting attractions to the invest
mont of foreign capital, whether it comes
in the shape of additional railroad facilities,
the establishment of industrial plants, or
whatsoever the present or future can de-
velop for the prosperity and happiness OF
our people,
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-03-26
Plain Truths
FOR THOSE WHO ARE UNFORTUNATELY AT
FLrCTED WITH sCROFULA.

FOR THOSE WHO ARE UNFORTUNATELY AT
FLIcTED WITH sCROFULA.
DIR. R. M. Bagby we'll known physician
OF Louisa county, Va, Bumpass post Of
flee. reports two severe cases of scrofula.
First case-A lady with hereditary scrof.
ula, afflicted twenty years, discharging pur-
uheut matter, these twenty years through
three fistulous sores from the hip Joint un-
til about six inches Of the thigh bone had
been destroyed by liberation. In June last
she commenced the use of A. B. c. Alter
alive. Her health rapidly improved. One
of the fstulous sores ceased to discharge
matter and healed readily. During the
three months following another sore ceased
to discharge and healed as the first one.
The last one has abated half its former dis
charge. DR.. Bsgby says he has good
ground to hope for her perfect recovery by
persistent use of the remedy. The limb
will be shortened about six inches by de-
struction of the bone before the remedy was
used.
Second case "A young lady of the same
family with hereditary scrofula and en-
largement, with liberation of parotid
glands. and many sores on various parts of
the body, commenced using A. B. G. Alter
alive three months ago. All the cores and
enlargement have disappeared, and the
DR.. writes Dis opinion that her perfect re.
covery is only matter of time and of con-
tinued use of the remedy.