St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-01-07
PHASES OF LIFE.

Graceful as q WhlteWlnged swan, he
glided forth upon the shining surface of
the lake in Central park. He was six
feet long and six inches in diameter.
he wore trousers sixty inches WIDE at
the knee and REFER which hung upon
his willOwy form as tenderly as a
siXteen-year-uld maid upon the neck
of her first and only love. He
thought he was capturing the
vulgar throng by his complicated
eVolutiOns upon the shining steel run
nerS. But he wasn't. Central park is
freqmented by crowd of youngsters
who have no respect for beauty OF the
Miss Nancy oder when it goes with a
name which presupposes that its owner
Is man. So the crowd guyed him.
Eainly he essayed to win their applause
by the figure So and various other
figures known TO the fancy skater.
Finally he determined to compel them
and sweeping dutch roIls.5
But alas for human hopes! He
rolled too far. His matCh-like proper
tiOnS lay street.-the upon the invincible
Ice, and the cruel crOwdccroaked with
ghOuliSh glee, while a small boy who
liked roasted chestnuts sang down
went McGinty."
i
His hcme is in Beliram county. He
had never been in the city before. He
was determined to take in everything.
But now he has gone back to hunt bar.
lie thinks it safer than hunting novel
ties in Minneapolis. He tackled the
electric cars at night and they did him
up. lie boarded the car on Third street
and stood on the rear platform to
watch how 1.-THE darmed thing
went" He was lost in admiration
Of the way the new mule emancipation
covered tine ground when the wheels
passed over slight obstruction on the
track and the circuit was broken.
There was succession of lurid flashes
and then wild, unearthly shrek.
"Gol darn the gol-darned, blasted
''Lemme off! femme off, l sayr' and
then he Jumped.
As he pulled himself out of the snow
and brushed the white flakes from his
cars he paused to shake his fist at the
receding car, and shouted:
Col blast yer internal picter, ye don't
ketch me ridin' one o. them 'ere critters
agin. goI dunn We. Watkins good ernuff
fer me-"
The liberal ministers are setting
rather fast pace foI their more orthO-
doX brethern. "Shall Women Woo?'' is
rather more modern question than
"Ihe Dangers of ROmanism." Seldom
Indeed are the orthodox brethren found
discussing anything more modern than
the sort of basket which held
Moses when he was found in the
FURNISHES; whether 1t was a market
basket, a clothes basket or one of the
sort which are put up as delusive cover
lngs Tor poor tea. But the liberal min
listers are, if anything, a trihe too
progressive. Mlnrn1pOlitans are not
yet educated up to Patio. They prefer
Bill Nye. And what would Minneap-
oils do if the government were
modelled after that of "Utopia?'
What would become of our glorl-
Gus board of trade, our illustri0us
police commission, Sergt. Kirkham,
Aid. Tom Downs and score of other
ornamen of municipal life? The law
ana order people would have no chance
TO kick about the corrupt and ire
iigiOus administration, and the dis
eiples OF wide-Oprn policy could never
howl about ''puritanical IDEAS" No,
no, Mr.. Liberal. what Minneapolis
wants is some new ideas about booming
real estate.
You can talk about being caught in
awkward situations James Wheeler.
the late stage manager at the Theatre
Comique. got caught the other night.
He was BACKED up preparatory to play
Ing an Ethiopian part in a four
act afterpiece, when the sum-
mons came that his presence was
desired at the Elks' lodge. lie
had no time to wash up, and was hus-
tied across the street just as he was.
and was obliged to face room full! of
Elks while E. A. Taylor stood in front
of him and shot off a presentation
speech yard long as preliminary to
giving him a leweled badge of the order
as mark of esteem and memento of
his residence in Minneapolis. Jim
remarked when it was over that, while
he regretted being caught with his
''make-up'' on, he was comforted
by the thought that his bushes were
hidden from view.