The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-30
WE'D At THE AGE OF NINE
Remarkable Discovery of the Census
Man Who Called on Mrs.
Finn.
Faith, an Shed Been Lindin the
Cinsis to Mrs. McCarty,
Beyant.
Nevertheless the Young Man Gets Lots of
Information, Including Billy's Early
Matrimonial Alliance,

81 have come to take the census of this
family said young man with portf olio
under his arm, when Mrs. Finn opened the
door.
s'The cinsus, is it, replied the woman in
q puzzled tone. Then, remembering that it
would never do to confess ignorance she
continued: "Faix, thare's ne'er a wan in
this house I'm afther lindin' it to Mrs.
Mccarthy beyant. But if I had it here We
wouldn't get it. Who sint ye afthsr it.,
anyhow, wild yer stovepipe hat and yer
airs?''
sExcuse me, madam. You evidently do
not understand. l am an agent of the
United States government come To-
IAN agint, is it. peddlin' Dukes. Faith,
man dear, I have no time for parnin'. Wild
washin' and mendin' and milkin' the nanny
me time is gone intirely. l know We poor
devils has to live along wild the rest of us.
but if you were to give me the buke free fur
nothin' couldn't rade it, I'm that ignor-
ant o. 'nolledge."
Mrs. Finn stopped to take breath, and
the young man took advantage of the break
to drive wedge of logic into the converse
ton.
II simply want to know your Christian
name, your name in full, and whether you
have an initial or middle name?' said he.
s"Fwhats that! Ye want to know me
Christian name! Yerra, man, do ye take
me fur a moon-eyed haythin blaggard!
Dye think w'ud l have any other nor
Christian name in this blessed country?
G'out!''
Mrs. Finn glared at the enumerator and
made q step in his direction as he hastily
exclalmed
Excuse me, but is your name Murphy, or
McGuinness. or McFadden-'
Faith it is not interrupted Mrs. Finn.
with scornful toss of the head. ''it's jest
Finn. AS dacent a name as liver woman
had, wild no Macs or O's to it, like two
tails to goat. Biddy Finn, no more. no
less.''
The enumerator made the first entry and
hurried onward with his questions He
thought he had at last got Mrs. Finn into
an abbreviating mood
Are you a widow, Mrs. Finn?"
"a wildly, is it! Begorra, l hav' a man
as 'ud make two like you, me laddybuck.
Ye may hav' the l'arnin', but he has the legs
and arrums, and chist on him like the
round side of barrel O beer"
Mrs. Finn had been surprised into an ey-
plicit declaration. and the enumerator be-
gan to congratulate himself on an easy vic
tory over the loquacious woman. He con-
tinued:
.'Of what color is your husband?"
"Shure l forget" meditatively replied
Mrs. Finn. 'Troth, think he's the color
O. amy other 1rishman. Sometimes when
he does be comm home tired from the
quarry he does be white as the wall wild
the wakeness on him from the hard work,
in aim it rises the blush in his chake like
red rose. l seen him turnin' all
colors wild rage whin the goat 'ud be 'atin
the cabbidge. Ye'd think he'd be Chinese
or nagur he'd be that black in the face.
and small blame to him, fur thin goats is
devils where thare's cabbidge intirely, SO
they are, and not contint wild grass, which
the same is finder and juicy and makes the
nanny give plinty O milk, glory be to the
saints and wh!n the cows milk is scarce,
the nanny's milk is handy fur to be putin
in the tay, SO It's, and if yell hold yer
nanny's milk, SO I will, that'll-"
"You are the mother of how many child
REM" broke in the young man upon the
smooth flow of Mrs. Firms tongue. This
question but started her fuency in another
channel, and, hardly stopping to catch hel
breath, she started in afresh.
well, there's Mickey. Divil finer Lao
yen mate nor him. sir It's handy he is al
learnin' thricks. Shure lasht night cotch
him smokin' his fathers pipe, he's that
handy, and he so young"
us Mickey the only, child you have?''
AO 45s NoA DACsb HILL. 1lc AuA u lllVlt
sisther wanst that's up with St. Pethel
now. It's mighty quare about childer, sir
Some o. them u run around barelegged vic
nothin' on them fur shelter from the vino
or the rain, and they'll be fat and impident
so they will, like puck goat, and diyil't
And thin agin there'll be others as II be
whinin' wild the could and crawlin under
the shtove to kape the breath O life in
thin: Arrah, good day to We, Mrs. O'Brien
Here's gintlenien as is takin' me pedigree
and .;t be putin {ti1 it til, in little title; buk.
fur T be shown the president OF
his goold chair wild a nagur to be
kapin the flies off him. And dye mind the
quare pin he has wild the ink in the handle
W'ud ye mind showin' Mrs. O'Brjen the
Yankee invention. sir. Oh dear, Oh dear
did lver see the likes O. that! s'pose. sir
ye hav' a weeny ink bottle in the handler
While the two women were examining
the fountain pen the enumerator managed
to put in another question. He was no
getting along fast, and fastened to max,
up for lost time.
]. he.
MANY thousands O miles from this spot
mo bucko: many thousands o miles.
Wisht was there now, SO do. Did We i've
hear O. Clahane in Ballyduf. me lad
Arrah, ye should go to the puck goat fai
Guey nave livery year, wiz t16 kodt up Ill
little cage and him wild ribbons round hi
neck
ssBut, my dear madam said the emu
merator impatiently, "all this is of no in
terest whatever to me. I'm not taking tn
census of the goats of Ireland. Please b
kind enough to tell me if you were born il
Ballyduff!''
Faith, was not Shure drew me frs
breath in kilkerren, about six Irish mile
from Carnah, and the same number o
miles from Currawe, in the county O Gal
way, though NANNY people thinks Kilkel
rem is in Connemara. And by the sam
token, there was a brave docther in Carnaf
which the same was an Elegant liar. He
be tellin' ye lies till ye'd split yer sides wi
laughin'. He was always as hungry as Ma
lOney's calf. and as thirsty as dhry turf
Cora, reminder well the sthory he'd b
tellin' about the wan-legged duck wild tn
cock eye"
Really, Mrs. Finn
And his wan leg was in the middle G
his body, all the same as it might be he wa
walkin' on ono sthilt, an whin he'd dip hi
head for q morsel O. corn he was tina
high"
ssHow long have you been in this cour
try?" cruelty interrupted the enumerato
who was now in state of extreme nervous
ness.
Fur many years, sir. More nor ye'
count on yer fingers and toes and more bt
sides. Mlke-that's me husband, sir-ke1
out afOre me, sir, and STINT me the none
to come afther. If ye' see him and N
meetin' at Castle Garden and grabbin' NJ
in his arrums, like the grizzly bear l see
in the show, and him cryin' wild the beel