Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-05-19

Teacher-Whatl is corporal punlsnlhehO'
Pupil-Iti is one form of the tax on hldes.
The mosquito will soon show the Amer
lean people whether hides are free or not
That's the fellow I'm laying for, re-
marked the hen, as her owner came out
with pan of cornmeal.
The nearer in front you get the more
people there are to criticise your rouno
shoulders and sidehill heels.
Every man has a right to his own
opinion, but he hasn't any right to bore
Others with it against their will.
Isn't it a crime, judge to loosen a swarm
of bees on a fellow? Not crime. we
might call it bee-setting sin.
The man who is always saying that he
wants little here below, generally means
the little he hasn't got already.
The 500, 900 expended by the Duke OF
Bedford to popularize cremation may be
considered a sort of burnt Offering.
It is no particular credit to Adam that
he never chewed tobacco. There was no
other man for him to beg "chew" OF.
WHY are you here, my poor fellow? ask
ed the visitor of the prisoner, DE walls
is thick L don't get out. Oats why, seer
He-The fools are not all dead yet She
That's as sure as you live. And he
couldn't understand why she emphasized
the you"
Corporal Tanner evidently comes OF an
old family. 1t is said that Peter ''tarried
many days in Joppa with one Simon a.
Tanner"
Ma, the minister is coming. What makes
Won think so? Did you see him? No; bu'
saw pa take the parrot and lock it ur
in the stable.
Lady-Pardon me, sir, L fear my foo
trod upon yours. Gentleman-No apolo
gies. madame. L wouldn't mind little
thing like that.
Maid | don't want to be fiattered, sale
a feminine voice contidentiaily behind
photographers screen, but do try ant
idealize it all you can.
John Doe-Are you carrying mort
gage on your house? Richard Doe-Ies
and, strange to say, I'm carrying it be
cause can't lift it."
Now, Katy, how many kinds of poetr
are there? The lyric, the dramatic an
the e-epi-Elsie (breaking i'm ON
know! The epidemic.
.What a queer Dick Tom isl" said Mis-
Lively from the West. Eyes" replied Mis-
Beaconstreet of Boston, Thomas is
extremely curious Richard"
Girl (weeping)-I'm sorry you nave
90 on the road again. 1t always break
nv heart. Drummer-Don't cry. Far
ny-Tn manage to pick up another 81
somewhere.
First woman-Is that young man ma
ried? Second woman-No, indeed. VIII.
when 1 showed him my baby he did ne
even ask how old it was or if he had al
teeth.
Tenneyson has declared that althoug
he NAV continue to write poetry fro
time to time, he shall not publish ar
more. His example is cordially common
ed to American spring poets.
Saw. mother, does God see everythiI
in Augusta? Yes, was the solemn repl
He sees our every act Whereupon t.
Young sinner exclaimed: Good graclou
mother! Let's move back to Bangor
Teacher-What's the past tense of Sc
Puuil-Seed. Teacher-What's your
thority for that form? Pupil-A sign
the grocery-stores. Teacher-What do
it say? Pupil-Timothy seed.
bookstore clerk-We have a Bible
the same type as that, sir, but bound
Morocco. Countryman-I don't care abe
helping those foreign fellers along. Gi
me a Rible bound in the United States.
An article in the April Forum is entitl
ssWhat a Boy Should Know at Fighter
One thing a boy generally does know
eighteen is that he didn't know quite
much at sixteen as he thought he did.
MRS. Mulligan," said Mrs. Ginty,
IL well yer feelin' the day." ''Yis, VI
well. n'sthrong?" ''Yis, quite sthron
"Then p'raps it's able yed be to br
back the two washtubs yez BORED
Monday"
You know what a fashion Miss Gni
ledge has OF quoting proverbs ut
tlu,es1 Yes. Well, last night as rema
ed about midnight that l must go,
looked at the clock aud murmured, 81
ser late than never