Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-08-28
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Astonishing Development - Fifty
Tries to be Funny.-A Fair
Average Cost, Etc, Etc.

Une OtEeT uay UndC tue lTOuI Vi IiC houoc
is too plain and needs some decoration
badly Munseys Weekly.
LOOKS LIKE THEM ALL.
Selby-They say that husbands and
wives grow to look like each other as
they grow older.
Ponsonby-Is that so9 What a splen-
did composite photograph old Plentypop
would take, thenl He's been married
nine times.-[ Burlington Free Press.
TOMMY WAS RIGHT.
81 is" began Tommy, when the
teacher interrupted him.
"That is wrong; you should say i
am.'"
"All right" said Tommy. 81 am the
ninth letter of the alphabet"
PAPA's JOKE.
Youngest Son-Papa, did you throw
stones at apples when you was boyf
Father-No; / threw stone into a
peach tree once, and what do you think ?
Son-You broke window!
Father-No. | knocked off a peach
and on opening it found the stone
Wasp.
ASTONISHING DEVELOPMENT.
Visitor-rve not seen any of you for
ever so long. How is your little brother
coming on, Tommy
Tommy-First rate. He can whistle
for himself and wear my pants. Texas
Siftings.
AN OFF YEAR.
"Well, Uncle Israel, how did you get
on with your farming this yearf'
Uncle Israeli didn't made nothin',
marster. You see, me an de boss was
workin' orn sheers. greed to do de
farmin' for harf de crap, an / didn't
make but harf crap dis year, an SO, in
course, didn't git nothin' Harpers
Weekly.
EASILY REMEDIED.
"Look here, Davis" exclaimed the
manager of the dime museum, aghast,
"you have made mistake. 1t wasn't an
Eskimo girl wanted for this department.
1t was Circassian girl"
"'That's all right, colonel, " replied the
travelling agent. ''Ulga," he said, turn
ing to the dusky beauty, 'go wash your
face and frizz your hair. ."-[ Chicago
Times.
FIFTY TRIES TO BE FUNNY.
''Hello, Fifty, where did you get that
black eyer"
sob, it was only lovers quarrel"
"Lovers' QUARREL Why, your girl did
not give you that, did she2"
mo, it was her other lover. ~ New
York Herald.
CORRECTED.
"Will you love me when I'm old2"
sang the maiden of uncertain age.
Will II" murmured a crusty old
bachelor. "DoI" you mean. ."-[ Wash
ton Star.
A DESIRABLE NEIGHBoRHooD.
Chickering-Some of the new houses
uptown are so narrow that piano can
not be put in.
Baus (excitedly)- don't know the
rent of the houses next door to them, do
youW-[Puck.
A FAIR AVERAGE COST.
Mrs. Cumso-"You've seen these dol
lar-dinner- -bills-of-far in the household
magazines2
Mrs. Fangle-Yes, got one up the
other day.
GLOW much did it cost you?"
"Three dollars and half"
THE BILL WENT WITH THE BIRD.
elbow much is that canary2"
"Ten dollars"
every well. I'll take it. Send the
BILL"
"We cannot send the bill without the
rest of the bird. " Bazaar.
WEALTHY AFTER ALL.
"Mr. Bondheavy" said the young
man, with much assurance, 81 have come
again to ask you for the hand of your
daughter"
Didn't tell you only last night that
my daughter should never marry the
son of poor peachgrower2"
eyes" said the lover, "but my father
is no longer poor. He found two baskets
of peaches in his orchard this morning,
"Take her, my boy, and may you be
happy. ."-[Norristown Herald
LEAVES.
In spring time, when an unseen sprite,
A rose wreath in the garden wcaves,
And all the skies are blue and white,
The maple leaves.
Before the winters angry blast
In bleak December moans and grieves,
Freezing the ducks in the lakelet fast,
Then autumn leaves.
Through all the year, though dark or
clear,
From crocus- time to time of sheaves,
Though SHOWS make drear or flowers
cheer,
The servant leaves.
--Harper's Bazaar.
A REJECTED PuNsTER's REVENGE.
Clara-NIiss Simpkins," he mur-
INJURED, as he reached for his hat after
her declination, "when you think of
| little road where we used to wander be-
meath the branches of the green trees, |
pray you think of Inc. For | am like
that little road-a lover slain; and so
he passed out of her sight.
And then she was glad she had an
swered No. Bazaar.
WHY TOMMY WAS STARING.
Clarence (courting Miss Alice observes
that her little toddler of brother has
been staring at him from the drawing
room doorway quite five minutes)-
are you looking at me so Tommy