The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1890-01-19

experienced the most thrilling escapes in
the most phenomenal voyages on record
The nautical cranks are generally callow
youths who have never smelled salt water
before, but have derived fund of valuable
information from Ten Years Before the
Mast" and similar literature, and who
talk glibly of lee-scuppers and glib booms,
of heaving the halyards and boxing the
mlzzen lee way and all the rest of it.
These nuisances scorn to go to oed, like
reasonable eChris they turn i'm and
they invariably turn out again lat seven
bells,' instead of at 7:30 o'clock. Every
one of them is armed with a spy glass and
is eternally sighting sharks, saiis, or some
thing else ''two points off the port bows or
Whereabouts
AN UNUSUAL NUMBER OF ENGLISH SMELLS
are nowadays travelling down this way
all cut and clothed after the same pattern
big, beefy, blonde and side-whiskered, with
wide trousers, tweed jackets, aud little
caps perched above the inevitable eve
glass. Though seeming to look with lofty
contempt upon every nation but that of the
Right little tight little Island" these fell
lows improve vastly upon acquaintance and
generally turn out to be not half such con-
ceited coxcombs as first appearances would
indicate. They-together with the French,
Italians and Spanish Americans, ale and
female-invariably enjoy their bottles of
wine at dinner, while the Germans con-
tentedly guzzle their beer; all gaze with
astonishment, not unmixed with pity, at
the infinitesmal minority of North Ameri-
cans who indulge in water only.
On this point an animated discussion
arose the other day between an English
man and cold water crank from Ohio;
in which the former proved, by undeniable
statistics, that while the United States is
the only country on earth in which table
wine is tabooed among certain respectable
circles, 1t yet consumes more bad whisky
than any other and yearly manufactures
more drunkards than all other civilized
lands combined.
1t is noticeable that
THE MAJORITY OF sMoKING-RooM CRANKs
(where the bar is the chief attraction, be-
long to the land of the free and the home
of the brave, and have a jolly good-fellow
way of Shaping strangers on the back with
the remark, Come p N what will you
takenn AT night when the stewards cry
of ELEVEN O'Clock, all lights out' has
banlShed these bacchanalians from the lair
of the serpent that stingeth like an adder.
they repair to the upper deck and make night
hideous by lively carols with choruses at
tached-as if there were no nervous
women on board trying vainly to woo tired
natures sweet restorer! Last midnight
some hoarSe but loyal Briton set up fee
BILE "God Save the Queen" as the very
last shot in his locker. Thereupon a pa
triotic Hoosier, more than "half seas over,n
insisted on winding up with chant to the
bird of liberty.
But you cawnt do it," said Mr. English
man-"Nevah do, you know, to sing any
thing after the National Anthem" 'sWe'H
see if we can't" sneered the doughty scion
10 ,t,l% 1a1..1
howl Hail Columbia and the ''Star Span
gled Banner" till the wee sma' hours
THE DIARY CRANKs ARE WITH Us, TOO
mostly maidens still in the salad stage.
or well past the age 1tuncertain'-who sit
all day with stubs of pencils in their
mouths and soulful gaze fixed out at sea;
the coquettish widow who changes her
gowns three times day; the grdnde dame,
probably from some oil, pork packing or
mining region, laden, even at breakfast
time, with gorgeous store of diamonds,
evidently not Inherited; the dgnitied
crank, bow windowed anu gold-spectacled,
who deigns not to speak to any fello v-mor-
tai unless properly introduced; and the
man who speaks to everyone on the slight
est provocatlon or on no provocation at all.
The principal rarity of the genus crank
to be found in this part of the world is the
Spanish-American, with plenty of the
warm sun Snd rich vintage of the south in
his veins-dark-eyed passionate, tickle as
the winds and unstable as the sands,ss to
whom perpetual love making is as essential
as the air he breathes. He gazes at the
pretty girls with that fixed and ardent
stare which in his own country is intended
and received merely as tribute to beauty
Should the embarrassed object of his
ogling retire in desperation TO her state
room she will gain little thereby, for the
satellite will follow and prauce to and fro
before her door for hours together, occas-
ionally
PRESSING HIS SMALL RIGHT HAND
to the region of his heart and heaving
signs heavy enough to change the course
of the ship. To close the door means suffo-
cation, and the only alternative is to re-
main totally deaf and blind. or to drape a
shawl across the portal an hide behind it's
folds.
AS the weather grows warmer on our
southwark way, every one of these tiirta-
tious Spanish-Americans provokingly en-
hances his destinations by donning coat
of pale yellow silk, the universal neglige
of the Panamian, which sets off wonder
fully well his olive skin and brilliant eyes.
The Englishmen, too, bloom out in suits of
white or cream hued flannel, low shoes of
white canvas and dainty hose to match
their dainty ties.
A few hints as to dress and luggage may
be appreciated by those who design coming
this way. First. bring just as little as
possible, and having reduced your fancied
needs to minimum, go over the list again
and prune out another third. Prepare to
wear under flannel all the time in whatever
latitude your warmest at sea, with the
heaviest hose. Even in tropical ports light
Woolens are necessary. Many a case of
fever, uomitiuo, and death might have been
prevented by warding off the fatal chill
which the slightest breeze may bring
when one is drenched with the excessive
perspiration induced by unaccustomed
heat
warm wrap,
NO HEAVY GARMENTS ARE NEEDED
anywhere in South America and very few
of what are called summer clothes;;' a
judicious compromise being best, of such
garments as would be suited to the average
days of May and September in the North
ern states.
A ''sea- chest" or low trunk made to slip
under the berths of ocean steamers, is a
very great convenience, obviating the ne
cessity Of going down into the hot hold
and overhauling your well pocked Sara
toga, as passengers are usually allowed to
do at stated intervals. Be sure to put into
the chest comfortable woollen wrapper,
Gf you are woman), in which you can
tumble about your berth with impunity, if
afflicted with laziness or NAL dc mer. P9r-
NIT me to add that your robe dc mutt should
also be woolen-the heavier the better for
shipboard, where the linen sheets are al
ways clammy with dampness aud the finest
half silk 'baby hannel," if you are as-
thetic, for shore.
BESIDES FEW CHANGES OF RAIMENT,
the sea trunk should also be furnished
with u-,-i tinp m tarialc hooiy m. two a n