Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1890-07-11
ONE GENT


~You see. said the bad boy to the gro-
ceryman, -pa likes joke the best of any
man you ever saw, if it is on somebody
else, but he kicks like Il 'er when it is
ON HIM. | asked him this morning il il
wouldn't be a good joke to put some soft
soap on the front step, SO the letter car
rier would slip up and spill hisself, and
pa said il would be elegant. Pa Ia .
Democrat. and he thinks that anything
that will make it unpleasant for Repub-
lican office holders is legitimate, and he
EN-, outraged me to paralyze the letter
carrier. The letter carrier is as old 3
man as pa, and didn't want to humili-
ate him, but just wanted pa 10 give his
consent, so he couldn't kick if he got
caught in his own trap. You see? Well
this morning the minister and two of the
deacons called on pa, to have talk with
him about his actions in church, on two
or three occasions, and they had pretty
hot time in the back parlor, end finally
they settl, it, and We're going to sing a
hymn, when pa handed them a little
hymn book, and the minister opened it
and turned pale and said what's this 7
and they looked at it, and it was book
of Hoyle's games instead Of ahymn book.
Gosh, wasn't the minister madY He had
started to read hymn and he quit after
he read two lines where it said, In a
game Of four handed euchre never trump
your partners ace, but rely on the ace to
take the trick on suit Pa was trying to
explain how the book come to be there,
when the minister and the deacons
started out, and then poured the two
quart tin pail full of soft soap on the
front step. 1t was this white soap. just
the color of the step, and when got it
spread | went down in the basement
The visitors came out and pa was trying
to explain to item about Hoyle, when
one of the deacons stepped in the soap,
and his feet flew up and he struck on his
pants and slid down the steps. The min
ister said great heavens, deacon, are you
hurt? Let me assist you, and he took
two quick steps, and you have seen these
fellows in a nigger show that kick each
other head over heels and fall on their
ears, and stand on their heads and turn
around like top. The minister's feet
slipped and the next / saw he was stand
ing on his head in his hat, and his legs
side, and he fell over on his stomach.
You talk about spreading the gospel in
heather lands. 1t is nothing to the way
you can spread it with two quarts of soft
soap. The minister didn't look pious
bit when he was trying to catch the rail-
ing. He looked as though he wanted to
murder every man on earth, but it may
be he was tired. Well, pa was para
lyzed, and he and the other deacon
rushed out to pick up the minister and
the first old man, and when they struck
the step they went kiting. Pas feet
somehow slipped backwards, and he
turned summersault and struck full
length on his back, and one heel was
across the minister's neck, and he slid
down the steps, and the other deacon
fell all over the other three, and pa swore
at them, and it was the worst looking lot
of pious people / ever saw. They all
seemed mad at each other. The hired
girl told ma there was three tramps out
on the sidewalk fighting pa, and ma she
took the broom and started to help pa,
and tried to stop ma, cause her consti-
tuition is not very strong and l didn't
want her to do any flying trapeze busi-
ness, but / couldn't stop her, and she
went out with the broom and towel
tied around her head. Well, / don't
know where ma did strike, but when she
came in she said she had palpitation of
the heart, but that was not the place
where she put the arnica. Oh, but she
did go through the air like bullet
through cheese, and when she went down
the steps bumpity-bump felt sorry
for ma. The minister had got SO he
could set up on the sidewalk, with his
back against the lower step, when ma
came sliding down, and one of the heels
of her CATERS hit the minister in the hair
and the other foot went right through
between his arm and his side, and the
broom liked to pushed his teeth down
his throat. But he was not mad at ma.
AS soon as he see ii was ma he said,
Why, sister, the wicked stand in slip
perry places, don't they and ma she was
mad and said for him to let go her stock
ing, and then pa was mad and he said.
Look a here, you sky pilot, this thing
has gone far enough, and then police
man came along and first he thought
they were all drunk, but he found they
were respectable, and he got chip and
scraped the soap off of them, and they
went home, and pa and ma they got in
the house some way, and just then the
letter carrier came along, but he didn't
have any letters for us, and he didn't
come onto the steps, and then went up
stairs and said, Pa, don't you think it
is real mean, after You and fixed the
soap on the steps for the letter carrier,
he didn't come on the step at ALL and pa
was scraping the soap off his pants with
q piece Of shingIe, and the hired girl was
putting liniment on ma, and heating h
| In for paIpitation Of the heart, and pa
said, You dam idjut, no more of this,
or III maui the liver out Of you and
asked him If he didn't think soft soap