The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-26
JOHNNY REB JOKES.
Stories from the Other Side of the Late
Ensanguined Chasm.


Once Genera al Hardee came aero SIS a
| ~straggler and asked him : why he did not
travel faster and keep up with his COM
mand?"
The soldier wished to know "what in
the deuce he had to do with it,"
Only that 1 am General Hardee, the
commander of this department. was the
reply.
"Oh, GU wrote a book on tactics, did
your"
"I did," said the General.
Well" said the private, Il have been
taught according to your rules how to
double column at half distance. Now, |
wish you would tell me how to double
distance on half rati ms ?
General HaSdee stuck spurs to his horse
and travelled on.
Early in the war one Of the men in a
South Carolina brigade was on picket
duty (so-called) near Manassas. There
was not a Yankee within twenty miles of
US at that time. The next day there was
to be an inspection, and our hero had
taken his gun all to pieces and was rub
bling it up to make a shine the next day
when inspected. While so doing General
Bacham, who was unknown to the soldier,
who was a new recruit, rode up.
What are you doing there?' said
General B.
"Oh, l am a kind of a sentinel who
are you, anyhow?
ooh, l am only a ind of 3 brigadier
general, " WAS the answer.
Hold on wait until | GIT this darned
old gun together and I will give you a
kind of a present" said II Sc tinel.
But General Barham did not wait. He
went off and reported the luckless soldier,
who in a short time found himself "a
kind" of a pris }ner in "a kind OF a
guard-house, and had to do a number of
extra hours of duty as "a kind" of SEN
tinel.
On one occasion a man from Georgia
had been very persistent in per- Onal ap-
plicatiOn to General Lee for a furlOugh.
One morning the General asked his tor
mentor if he knew the position Of a SOL
der. The latter said he did. He was
ordered to assume it; General Lee then
gave the command: Fright about face;
forward march" AS he never gave the
command to "halt," the Georgian kept on
marching until he got tired bat this little
hint cured him, and his next application
was through the usual channels.
When General Malone was wounded
at second Manassas, some on. to comfort
Mrs. Malone, said: ooh, don't be un-
easy it's only a flesh wound" Mr.. Ma
hone, through her tears, cried out: "Oh,
l know that is impossible; there is not
enough flesh on him for thai
| don't know whether this is a joke on
the general or the private. A day or so
after the old First reached Manassas juno
ton in August, 1861, n Of the men, who
did not clearly comprehend his position,
had the impudence to ask General Beaure-
gard "where certain big guns that had
Just arrived from Richmond would be
placed" The General Replied: young
man, if the coat on my back knew the
secrets of my hear, I would cut it in
pieces"
On the Peninsular the gallant and jolly
General Bankhead Magruder had ordered
a meal for himself anu staff. A hungry
Reb-and who ever saw one who was not
hungry ?-came up to the farmhouse, s.
pied the nicely-flled table, and, without
leave or license, sat down and began to
annihilate things Just then the General
and friends walked in, escorted by the
host. All were surprised.
Halt |" said fiery Magruder, in terms
more explicit than polite, edo you know
whose table that is you are eating at ?"
"No, sir" said John Reb, with his
mouth full. "Whose is it ?"
General Magruder's, sir, the COM
mapder of this department"
Cali right, General" with another big
mouthful. "These war times 1 amt par
ticular where 1 eat or who 1 eat with; sit
down and make yourself at home"
The foraging private was unceremoni-
ously fired out, but not before he had
nearly gotten outside of a pretty square
meal.