The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1890-12-19
IN WOMAN'S. BEHALF.
MARRYING IN HASTE"
A Sad American Failing which Results
In Much Coniugal Infelicity.

the Minneapolis Times. In whatever
relates to marriage we Americans are
the most sentimental, romantic and
reckless people under the sun. We do
not mean that there is too much marry
ing in this country, for there is by no
means enough marrying of the right
sort, but too much of the inconsiderate,
immature and premature sort. Euro
peans consider marriage soberly, seri-
ously, rather in the light of social and
commercial contract looking to practical
amelioration and the continuance of the
family. To Americans there is some
thing unpleasant in the businesslike
way in which the English approach
matrimony, and the ultra-utilitarian
spirit they bring to bear on it from first
to last. In this country we do not be-
lieve in taking a wife as we would buy
horse, or purchase land, or invest in
stocks, viewing her substantial quail
ties and the amount OF value received.
The French uniformly insist upon a
dowry and for this we are disposed to
ridicule their fine pretensions and re-
gard their gallantry, their high chivalry
toward women as sordid and mercenary.
Italian and Spanish conjugal customs
are now more to our taste. The Germans
are given to sentimentalism, and on os-
casion can be quite as foolish about
women as there is any need for. But
when marriage is really intended, they
hold a wise check on sentiment and
passion, and keep sharp eye for the
main chance. The truth is that most
Europeans dissipate great deal of their
sentiment, gallantry and emotional folly
in flirtations that never lead to, and
have nothing to do with, wedlock, while
of that sort Here we associate love
with marriage, instead of separating
them, as the European idea so often
does. This is as it ought to be; it is
both we'll and good; but in certain way
it has its disadvantages. 1t makes us
impatient of restraint; it clouds our
judgment; it prompts us to take counsel
of our bounding blood; it enlarges our
opportunity for leisurely repentance.
If Europeans go to the one extreme,
we Americans go to the other. If they are
too cold and calculating, we are too warm
and inconsiderate. If they make it too
much matter of business, we make 1t
too much matter of fancy and feeling.
That love and sympathy should be the
base, and that it is indeed the sole, safe
and permanent base of marriage, is
scarcely less than a truism. Though
the principle may be necessarily violat-
ed, its verify is usually accepted even
by those who violate it. In this coun-
try we believe it practically, and were
our insight and erstanding
equal to our belief, we should boast of
fewer inharmonious and unhappy
couples than any other land. Unfor-
tunately we are apt to forget that some
thing more than what we conceive to be
love is essential to matrimony,
and we have besides an extraordinary
facility for discovering love by
mere surface indication.
Our young people are hardly out of
school before, having been thrown into
each others society, they imagine that
all their future happiness hangs on
their speedy union. As ignorant of
themselves as they are of humanity in
general, they confound the common in
stincts of nature with uncomfortable
and Interchangeable afinities. They fiout
all advice to proceed with caution; they
are not going to wait until all freshness
of feeling is gone and their hearts are
withered, etc. STEPPED in the selfish |
ness of overlooking egotism, judgment |
consumed in the fame of tumultuous |
emotion, they are incapable of suspect |
ing that they are simply another preci-
Gus pair of natures dupes. They SOL
EMMY believe their erotic experience is
peculiar, that they feel as men and |
women never felt before, and will never
feel again. They are not to be blamed;
they are merely human: most of us
have antedated their folly, though we
may have escaped the final pitfall of
hasty marriage.
1t is a pitiable fact that more than
half the persons who believe they love
one another intensely. and marry under
such belief, live long enough to find
mistaken. But many Amer
lean parents deem it quite sufficient for
their children to avow in their salad
days, reciprocal passion, to take them
at their word, and hurry them into we'd
lock. We are practical people, yet the
name of love has conjuring power with
US. Before that monosyllable common
sense seems to vanish. We forget that
while love may be ample for itself, it is
not ample for marriages. state in
which prosaic facts, stern realities, man
fold annoyances, inevitably enter, and
play most conspicuous part. ''Do they
love one another?" That is the supreme
and only test. "If they do, send for
the clergyman and bind them fast"
Have they good health? Are they fit
ted to be parents? Can they sustain
each other? Have they any thing to
live on? Have they any earning capac-
ty? Are they qualified to construct
home that will benefit society or
strengthen the State? These are old
fashioned questions, indicate and i'm
pertinent. They are fond Of one an
other; their fondness will be their
surety.
Would it might be! But, alas, what
iaily instances our divorce courts, and,
indeed, our own observations, furnish
hat it is not! We are too sentimental
and romantic over what, if it ever goes
wrong, sentiment will not aid, and
romance can not care. IF the American
people were little more careful about
marriages beforehand we should have
ess cause to repent them afterward-
We should have less mismated misery,
lew blighted lives, ruined homes, and
public scandals.
THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN.