The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-04-10
WIT AND HUMUR.

he IOyeSlck maiden Is most always
too small for her sighs.-Binghanato'1
Leader.
A horse chestnut-.Ive got a sure
tip for YOU on the next race. Wash
tngt0n Post.
He's chip of the old block" is
he? What a stick his father must be?"
-Harper's Bozar.
''All the world loves lover'-except
the young lady's father and the dog
burlington Free Press.
Only a truly selfish man can realize
fully how utterly selfish other men can
S0naerUiite Journal.
Some people who were never success
full at anything else make very success
full failures. AtchiSOn Globe.
The impression that tooth-powder is
made by grinding the teeth we find to
be ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Republican.
The world seldom looks to see the
kind of tracks YOU left behind, provided
You only get there.-MilUaukee Jour
nal
The goat seems to have achieved the
distinction of being the head worker Of
the animal kingdom. = Binghamton
Lea,ier.
Many coffiu is covered with roses
by hands that never before gave its oc-
cHpant anything but thorns. -Memphis
AgycG}.
Mrs. Cumso-'.Is all our tea import
cI from China. John?" 20, no; we
raise our own repartee." = Drake's
.Higazlne.
Yeast-''Do You play chess?" Grim
sonbcak- Well no; can't say that l
play it, | work at it occasionally. y
YOnher$ Statesman.
She (tragically) = Take back the
heart that thou gavest." He-"Never
mind the heart-just fork over that
diamond ring."-Epoch.
Il hear yolr husband is quite a gal
LIANT. Do YOU ever find any letters III
his pocket" Only the ones | give
him to mail ~. J.. SIN.
1t is no particular credit to Adam
that lie never chewed tobacco. There
was no other man for him to beg Il
"chaw' Of Ieras SJfingS.
The road to happiness and the road
to misery follow the same course. The
difference is in the travellers, not in the
road travelled. -BoSton Transcript
Dawdle- Have a cigarette?" Addle
No, Thank YOU" Dawdle-"No!
Sworn OFF, Addle-"No! Life in
surance has run out. "-LoWeU NeUS.
In five minutes woman can clean
up mans room in such way that it
will take him five weeks to find out
where she put things.-Atchison Globe.
Arrange my hair, Felicie, while /
take lunch" Very well, madame;
what color will you wear?" MY black
hair; | am going to funeraL"-Le
Figaro.
Boss-"You run the place for few
weeks and let me be bartender" Bar
tender-"W hatjer want to do that for?"
Boss-''Td like to have a crack at the
profits. ~ Y. Sun.
Have you read SmitherS' book? ?"
No why, you said in your review
that it was a great story" well, that's
all right. Smithers told me that him
self. Harpe,'s Bazar.
Misery says if the telegraph COM
panies charge their wires as they do
their customers he doesn't wonder that
it gives Il man shock to touch one
Binghant0n Republican.
Young Mr. Enthusiastically you
dink dot marriage vas vailure, Oncle
Moses?' Uncle Moses-"Off you make
monish Ply marrying it vas as goot as a
vailure, my poy."-L0aCeH Citizen.
dead!' Mr.. g )odeye Look out there!
There's IN electric wire down. Mr..
Crosswise - ''Thanks!' (Goes fifty
yards around it, -Portland Vest Shore.
Noted Anarchist Gin midst of violent
ha-angue) I'VE comes to countree to
better our conditions, und vat do dey
offer us de very first ding? Vat, | say?"
Voice lin rear of halD-''Soap."-N
\. Weekly.
1t is always when the minister comes
to your house to dine that you find that
the hired girl has left moth-eaten pie
plate in the middle of the pile of china
plates that she has set before YOU
SOnerUitle JOurual
Stager-"The critics have been very
complimentary to me. They all say
that in my last performance | deserve
word of praise" Gall-'.Yes, so l
see; but notice that none of them give
it to you."-B0ston Transcript.
Nearsighted Old Condemnation
you tell me what that inscription is on
4 al,
Sure, Dim in the same boat. sor!
Twas mighty little schoolin' Oh had
whin Oh was a bye mesilf!"-Puck.
Gilhooly-''Pat, yez 'ud betther be
lookin' afther Brophy. He do be tellin'
me he has a turrible grudge furninst
yez." Cuddihy-' Musha, who cares?
Brophy niver paid me anything he
owed me yet!"-Lawrence american.
Friendship may be compared to an
old suit of clothes; you never miss it in
wearing the new, but as much cannot
be said of love. Love may be compared
to porous plaster; after it is no longer
useful it sticks and annoys and is nasty.
-Atchison Globe.
Jimmy Pert-''Say, Mr., Noodles, l
"ah. W zen Soo W HAT >isler salu aooul
you" Mr.. Noodles-'Go ahead, jim
my, I'm all ears" That's just what
sister said. Why. how did YOU guess?'
What do you mean?" She said you
were regular donkey."-LaaCrence
american.
Biggs-"Old Mr.. Dresser the tailor,
who had been in business forty years,
dropped dead the other day while tax
ing a customers measure. What do
you think of such an ending as that to
a mans lifeP" Boggs-''Fitting clothes,
7 e. =.