Iuka reporter., 1890-09-04
J0KER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

Il Was Boston Horse-Johnny Re
plies-How Time Increases Values.
Etc, Etc.
AsTRIKING SIMILARITY.
''Ihose quarrelsome speakers remind
me OF pair of whales"
In what respecta"
They never spout without coming to
AN ORDINARY MAN.
He was Of such commonplace brain
mat when anyone said it would rain,
lie would look at the sky
With squint in his eye,
And would beg Of someone to explain.
DIFFERENCE.
Visitor-Your sister is studying music.
understand.
Little Girl.-Oh, no ma'am. she doesn't
study music.
'She doesn't2"
"No'm. She only practices scales an
things"
LIVING UP TO HIS MOTTO.
"Well, must go now,' said Chollie.
What's your hurry9" asked Ethel.
1t is five minutes of twelve, and nv
motto in life is, Never put off till to-
morrow what you can do today"
KNEW LOTS.
Mrs. Lakeside (of Chicago)-I am
sure you would like nv new husband
He knows lots
Mrs. Boston-A man of intellect
Mrs Lakeside Il s'pose that's what
you call it in Boston. He's real estate
agent. New York Weekly.
CONSOLATION.
Old Lady Gin corner seat of a Broad
way car)-Conductor, the rain is drip
ping in from the lamp-hole, all over nv
dressl
Conductor-No, madam, excuse me.
the lamp is quite water ght; it's only
the oil leaking bit. IL Belfords Maga-
zine.
HOW TINE INCREASES VALUES,
Eminent Author-You bought MS.
from me some ten years ago for twenty
five dollars.
Publisher-Y sir; but we haven't
printed it yet
Eminent Author-Well, let me have it
back, and I'll give you hundred. I've
got reputation now, and don't want to
spoil it. Puck.
DEATHS WORST TERRoRs.
Bliffers Ito his best girD-The worst
about the death of poor Winters is that
compromising letters were found in his
pockets. should hate awfully to have
such thilg happen to me.
Mltfers "a rivaD-Yes, Bliffers, take
good care of yourself. .-[Good News.
IT WAS A BOSTON HORSE.
"Git upr' exclaimed Mrs. Bunker
Hills cousin. But the horse did not
move.
"The animal does not seem to compre-
bend, (" said Miss Hill. ''Let me try"
"All right"
s'Proceed, Bucephalus'
And the animal proceeded. i Bazaar.
THE GROUNDS OF HIS ACTION.
Fleecy-I see you call on the Brown
girls a good deal. Which one are you
going to marry2
Downy-I love Sally the best, but
guess that Clara is the one for me.
Fleecy-You will get along better with
woman you love than with one you
don't.
Downy-I don't know about that.
Clara has declared over and over that she
won't leave home even if she does marry.
-[Epoch.
A MIDNIGHT MURDER.
Only cat in the moonlight;
Only a cat, that's all;
Only song at midnight,
Only wild, weird waul.
Only a man impulsive,
Only reason flown;
Only clutch convulsive,
Only bootjack thrown.
Only sudden sally,
Only an uttered ''Scatl"
Only corpse in the alley,
Only poor, dead cat.
i Chicago Evening Post.
MODERN MERCHANTS.
Mrs. Bargan-What are you worryin'
about this morning2
Mr.. Bargain need some new clothes
and new watch, and l can't make up
my mind whether to get the clothes at a
store where they give away watches, or to
buy watch at store where they give
away clothes. - Good News.
"THUNDERsTRucK."
"Gracious that was an awful clap of
thunder; it frightened me terribly"
"Poohl thunder can't hurt youn
s'Can't, eha Didn't you ever hear of a
person being thunderstruckw-[Ba Bazaar.
GLEE OF THE HAIRLESS MAN.
The hairless man smiles in his glee,
And as he mops his brow
He says, "The fly that walks on me
Will get his feet wet now"
-TWashinpton Post