The Mason County journal. [volume] (Shelton, W.T.) 1886-1927, 1890-07-11
DEACON BURDETTE.
His Witty Talks Out o. Meetin' Upon
Timely TOpics.

His Witty Talks Out O. Meetin' Upon
Timely Topics.
"Papa," said Ethel, II do not think you are
just to Mr.. Sophtomore; was walking with
him last night. His head is full of ideas"
ayes, yes" said the professor, and went on
reading the proof of his lecture on "Micro-
scopic Thought" awe cannot realize the in
finite littleness of the cholera bacteria, when
we know that 80, 900 900 900 of them occupy a
space no larger than pins head Yes, yes;
as you say, he has great many ideas; but
they are"-goes ON reading proof.
NE'ER flashed THE VOLUNTEER AT A.
II am weary of this humdrum life" said
Calliopus. "Why, what are you doing?"
~Tuning hurdy gurdies." "Shake; am
writing speeches on tariff reduction"
BUT FARE YE WELL, AULD THISTLE BENZ
Young Mr.. Sawbones, first year in medical
college; sees an editorial headed 1.-THE Dan
ger of Apathy"-"The incomprehensible ig-
norance of these editorsl" he exclaims grand
ly; "they write about things of which they
know absolutely nothing. Now, you take
apathy in time and there isn't dangerous
feature i'll it: the veriest quack can handle
It," Puts on his hat and goes out to look af-
ter case of incipient inertia
YE AIBLINs NIGHT DINNA KEN.
Lawyer Buldozer-Do you know anything
about George Thorpe? Stupid Witness-Yes,
sir Lawyer B.-Ah, you doa Do you know
any good about him? Witness-No, sir.
"Oh. you don't? Well, then, do you know
anything bad about himl" Witness-No,
sir. "Then, for mercy's sake, what do you
know about himl" "[ know he died twenty
years before ever heard of him."
Still, HAE A, STAKE
Boston broker lost wallet containing
e15, 600 on the street and newsboy found it
and brought it to the owner. The man
struggled with a terrible temptation to be
mean and sordid for moment, and then,
forgetting self and casting to the winds his
greed of gain as he trampled the temptation
under his feet, gave the honest boy permis-
sion to go on the Common and play every
day.. "We can trust you," sobbed the CRATE
full man; 1--WE know that you will keep off the
grass" Oh, how often this opportunity to
make others happy by kind word, gentle
smile or some little act of kindness knocks at
our doors and we heed it not, until it is too
late. Oh, that more people were like the
Boston man. P. S.-They are.)
"wHEN HAME YE MAKEl"
Where, oh, where has the young man gone
who graduation clothes put on, some time
along the last of May, and owned the whole
wide world for a day? And where is the
sweet girl graduate, who chanted an essay
dread with fate and started out with a gig
Cling frown to turn this old world upside
down? And where is last years candidate,
who had things fixed for this years slatea
Who carried around, as you'd believe, a
couple of counties in his sleevea And where
Is the scribe with vaulting will who tried
long felt want to fill, and courted shekels and
renown with a minion paper in bourgeois
town! The lad has divided the world up fair,
and holds but his own eight billionth share;
the sweet girl grad. is grand surprise, and
conquers the world with well made pies; the
candidate with the deathless "gall" is fixing
himself for another fall; while the journalist
with the naughty crest has gone the way of
last years nest So year by year and day by
day the world runs on in the same old way;
the balloon that is biggest round about is the
dabbiest rag when the gas is out.
IT MAKs AN UNco' LEEwAY
There is one thing Ignatius O'Donnelly
might have done very easily, if he had
thought of it-he might do it yet-prove that
Harriet Beecher Stowe didn't write the "Uncle
TOMS Cabin" that is presented on the stage
ten times week all through and between the
season. He could find plenty of ciphers, in
the cast; the two Topseys, the two Markses,
the two donkeys. and the latest company an
nounces two Uncle Toms-these, with the
four meat hounds, would give an ingenious
man ciphers enough to prove anything.
AN SWAT WI DREAD
ais there any benefit in monopoliesw asked
the teacher. "There is" answered the smart
bad boy. "And what is it'll" "Owning an in
terest in one." He was kept in two hours
REAL AND IMITATION BABIES.
A Boston woman comes out in print to de-
nounce "that lingual dish wash, popularity
known as baby talk" Oh, well, that's to be
expected in Beanville, where Joseph Cook is
regarded as a model child's nurse and
primary Kindergarten teacher. We believe.
firmly believe, that a baby who? which?
thata is born with eye glasses and theory
should be called a babe at birth and adj
dressed as sir OF madam.
Out upon your machine made babel I
knew one long ago. His name was Henderson
Ingraham Stillweather, and his parents called
him that when he was in his cradle. He was
but years old when first met him, down
by the Illinois river. He said to me: Excuse
me, sir, but could you kindly enlighten me as
to the character of this strange looking craft
toward which our steps are tending and, also,
can you tell me to whom does it belong?" [
clutched the little monster by the neck and
held him under the dredge boat for an hour
expected a scene with his mother. but she
only said that Henderson was very far
advanced; his Uncle Dennison did not drown
until he was 49," The. didn't bury Hender-
son. They pressed hin, hetw cen the pages of
a Colton's Atlas, and T. hattened out and
dried Just like fern. That's what becomes
of that sort of children. I am glad l
drowned him. I am looking around for more
like him. People who wean their infants ON
dictionaries will do well to keep them under
glass until lose my tomahawk WaghE
Brooklyn Eagle.