The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-04-17
Among the Wits.

Mrs. y. Lane (e;,liingl-liave you
good neighbors::
Mrs. p. kay--les: they have re-
turned everything thy have borrowed
80 far-Loweil Citizen.
Profe, s,r-Newman, yoIrkncwledSe
of the grammar is very limited. DO
Won not nave trouble in getting your
trauslations??
Newman-Oh, 10 sir; they keep
them ut all the book stores.-lale
Record.
Master BobDy's father is the owner
ola Matching machine. The other, Gay
as little Bobby was watching chicken
energetically breaking its way through
its shell he remarked II see how he
gets out, but how did he get in"
Little four-vear-o!d Matte COM
plaiped to mamma that her shoes were
'shurting." "Why, Matte, you've put
them on the wrong feet" Puzzled
and ready to cry she made answer,
s\Nhat'Il I do, mamma? They $ al
the feet got
It was at Columbus that 4 Cincinnati
drummer happened to put up at a
table with number of legislators, ana
the courtly way in which they ao-
dressed each other greatly bored the
commercial traveller. 1t was "N Ill
the gentleman from Hardin do tins -
They invariably spoke to each other
as the gentleman from whatever couh-
ty they happened to- hail from. For
ton or ,;fteen minutes the drummer bore
it'in silence. Then he suddenly started
the statesmen by singing out In stem
torian tones to the waiter. NV III the
gentleman from Ethiopia please pass the
butter??' That ended "the gentleman
from" busincss.-Cincinnati Times.
The son of a we'll known Cambridge
family was being given some doctrinal
instructions with somewhat unsatls-
factory results one evening, when the
Iyish nurse appeared to put to bed.
Here was an opening. 'Tom," SAID
his grandfather. ''who takes care OF
you at night" Tom looked amazed at
at the stupidity Of the question. NV ny.
Bridget Mccarthy, Of course, grand
par Still undismayed the old gentle
man persisted: "Who takes care OF
Bridget Mccarthy, Thomas ," Ihls
was too much for the young man, VINO
looked first at his instructor and then
at the stalwart proportions of the IRISH
woman. II should think,' said he,
that Bridget Mccarthy was big
enough to take care of herself, is she's
ever going to be!' There was no
more doctrinal instruction that even
inw.-C. :. w. in March Wide Awake.
MISUNDERSTOOD.
Lawyer (who has posted witness
Now, Pete, tell the Court and jury all
you know about those stolen chickens.
Pete-I don't reckon will, boss. II
I did that I'd go to Jail sure.-Ehoch'
LIVE AND LEARN.
Small Merchant-Dere goes Mr..
Richman past midout looking in. lie
nefer buy off me. Wy is dot:
New Clerk-He belongs to class
who never deal at cheap stores; he is
one of those who believe in paying
good price for good goods.
"Mein Gracious! Is dere many like
him."
Thousands"
"Mein gracious. And never knew
it. Shonny! mark etfery ding oop
Witty per zent."-New York Weekly.
COMPLIMENTS OF THE DOMINIES.
Many years ago, when Father Rogers,
the pioneer clergyman of Franklin
County, was pastor at Pennington,
Rev. Simson Hackett ministered to
the church at Temple. Parson Rogers
voice was strong, his manner quick,
brusoue and hearty. One Sabbath
afternoon these two had exchanged
and met on their way home. "Ah,
Brother Hackett," said Parson Rogers,
''I've given your people Il good waking
up" Then l am your debtor,' re-
piled Parson Hackett in his peculiar
thin, mild weak tone, 'for found
your congregation had INDUCED in
sleep so long that they could not be
reused. ."-Lewiston Journal.