Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-08-15
THE L,ME-KlLN dun.
Short Summer Lcctu;os
LEcrrRE NO. IL

LiASl I'LL NNOs ~
When the meeting had been duly
opened Brother Gardner ANNOUNCED
that the Honorable Scalpins John
son, better known as "The black Mag
net of Tennessee" was inl the ante
room. he had been Nee months
working his way up from Tennessee to
speak before the club, and so far as
had been observed during tIe two days
he had been in town. he YRs a quiet,
modest man, with very sl4 appetite
for a great orator. The subject Of his
address was: "How did dis }ere world
git yere?" and there we're trounds for
believing that it would prove both in-
structive and interesting.
When the honorable was brought in
by the committee it was seen that he
had the build and demeano4of y great
philosopher. He toed in a pit as he
walked, but he was very perpendicular
in his carriage, and there WIZ no ques-
ton but what he felt right It home in
the presence of an audience. He was
out at the elbows, and there was an off
color patch on one knee, butthere is no
law in this country to compela philoso-
pher to wear store clothes. He moved
with easy grace to the platbrm, put q
small lump Of rock salt in his mouth
and quietly began:
my frens, is dar one among you who
ever stopped to think dat dis world was
not always yere! Probably lot. You
hev gone fussin' around widott thought
or care whether dis globe on (which we
hev de honor to reside is ond thousand
or one millyun vars old. [densation.
Did you cher sot down oni de back
steps in de twilight an ak ysrself how
dis world cum to be yere anyhow?
How was it made? How lolg did it
take? How did de maxim beiin? No,
none of We hev. Ye hev put j yer time
shootin' craps, playin' policy spottin'
off lighthouses an sleepin' in De shade,
an We are pack Of pore, ign%ant crit
tiers in conscience. Signs of indigna-
ton throughout the hall.
"My frens," continued the speaker,
what occupied dis yere space befo' de
world took its place? Some pf ye no
doubt believe it was vast body of wa
ter-a great ocean full oil whales.
Others hev argued dat it vas vast
plain, whar persimmons and water
melons grew de hull var round. Yum!
YUM! You is all mistaken. It was
simply goneness - emptiness + muffin
ness-space. 1t was de same emptiness
dat you see when you look Hayward.
[Smiles of incredulity. De space at
present occupied by dis world cbuld hev
once bin bought for an ole dnn-cull'd
mewl wild his teef gone, an it would
hev bin dear bargain at dat. De
reason it wasn't sold was bekase dar
was nobody yere to buy it-nobody to
git up boom. Signs of regret.
The speaker here paused to take a
sip Of water and renew his pck-salt,
and then said:
GLOW did dis world git ; start ?
Some of you may hev wondered about
it, but it is mo- likely dat you has dun
let it go, an paid no 'tenshuh to de
matter. In de fust place de Lswd had
to find de space. You can't build q
cabin till you git de space to build on.
[Sensation. Oar had to be q space to
put de world in. De atmosphere had
to be showed aside to make hg hole,
an when de hole was dar de world COM
menced to make. You hev Fead dat
eberything was created in SIX days.
Mighty long days dose werel I has
fggered on it good many tihes, an
I'ze tellin' We dat it took thoualn of
vars. Agitation. Oar was apower-
full lot O periods to 60 frew vii befo'
things cum out ship-shape. DIR was
de chaotic period--a time whe1ebery-
thing was wrong side up an insi(e out.
Flames was a-rollin' = de oceans
a-heavin', mountains risin' up 10 sink
away agin, an dar was no tellif who
would cum out on top. Dat period
lasted for ten thousand Vars, anft was
o good thing we wasn't a@ound.
["Hear!" "Hear!"]
de mex period was de passle beriod
"a time when eberything was Assled
out accordin' to common sens} De
oceans war giben Observation-Disclosures
war giben bedside mountaind war
distributed around to give moas' berry
body some side-hill, an dar wasl gin
eral pickin' ober and sortin' out tohake
a good appearance. Dis period listed
about 10000 Vars, an you didn't lose
muffin by bein' out Of town. Del nex'
period is known as de coolin' off pfiod.
Eberything had bin red hot fur q, 900
Vars, an it took heap O. time hfore
dey got cool huff to handle. Wheel dey
did we had surface composed of later
an SIGH. Fur thousands of Ward dar
wasn't huff sile fur grasshopHr to
scratch in, nor huff grass to male a
green streak on white pair O palts."
[Yells of delight.
My frens," continued the speakt as
he emptied the water pitcher, far'
war odder periods-de ice period de
drift period, de dirt period, de aass
period-and finally all was read an
waltin' fur de man period. De w1r1d
lad been created an was all riiht.
Birds We're flynn around, chic ens
roasted so low dat yo, could reacuup
an pick 'em (applause) an de hoss|an'
OK an COW stood waitin' to be millhd.
1t was beautiful scene. I can shut
my eyes an see it. If you could lev
been right dar' at dat time YOU wohld
hev busted yourselves on POISON an
vans lawful whoops). De latest kind
o pullets-de biggest sort O. 'possoms-