The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-09-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

felt fate'S boOt.-ASittG7s0 FreSS.
Why does Mrs. her reputation in
such a foolish squabbleP-Bufato ET-
press.
There are two sides to every question
the wrong side and our side.-Ierre
Haute Erpress.
The general run of women--when a
mouse comes in the room. = IeTTe
Haute Erpress.
Dubbs-'.rm tired of Life" Snuggs
well, why don't you stop your SUBJ
scription. Jester.
How can I get rid of superfiuous
hair. Mr.. DruggistP'' ''Get married,
sir. Boston Courier.
A mans closest creditor wouldn't
recognize him in the average hired
bathing suit.-Shoe Recorder.
1t is well to make the best of this
world, for you'll never get out of it
alive.-Gredt harrington NeaOS.
There are times when young man
can make himself most interesting by
keeping still.-Nes0 Orleans Pcayane.
The first week that a man has .
telephone in his office he is apt to have
the yeller fever badly.-Bosto's Bulletin.
Truth lies at the bottom of an ink
well. This explains why the post
scripts contain all the facts. american
Grocer.
Stranger Gin Tombstone, Ariz. ID
hear your bank has suspended" Res
ident-"Yes; so is the President. y
Racket.
Bangle-'.Isn't Fangle rattle-head.
ed fellow?n Cumso-"No, sir; there
isn't anything in Fangle's head to rat
le."-Life.
The rhetoric of convicts is abomin.
able; at all events they have a great
aversion to finishing their sentences
Philadelphia Press.
What will it Costa Rica vengeance
on San SalvadorP" Il don't know, but
we've Guatemala, no matter what it
costs ashland Press.
Some men credit themselves with the
good that is in them and blame the
weakness of humanity for their short
comings. -Atchison Globe.
Mrs. Fellows 'Jimpson's wife has
only one dress to her back" Mr.. Eel
lows-"Ah, and she left that at home
this evening. IN 7. Herald.
Citizen (agitatedly) y" What, a writ
for mep Why, God bless us!'' Consta-
Bile (stolidly)-'Nop. Wrong again.
Mandanlus. .',-Anaerican Grocer
Lovers are slow about proposing this
summer. Owing to the high price of
the commodity they hesitate about
breaking the ice.-Teras Sittings.
First Hate-"Well, sir things are
going smoothly now, SIR" Captain
'.Yes, that is because several of the
sailors have been ironed. Toronto
Globe.
Cumso 'Jaysmith is penurious,
isn't hePn Fangle-'1 should say he
was! He won't even laugh at a joke
unless it is at some one else's expense" F"
Epoch.
1t has been discovered that the cash
boys were very lazy in the days Of Job,
for he says, ''All the day of my appoint
ed time will l wait till my change
comes. Figaro.
Groom-'A ring around the moon is
the sign of rain.,'' Bride (sweetly)-
And a ring around woman's finger
is the sign of-?" Groom (sadly)-
Reign. n."-Racket.
.'Give me a toboggan," he said to
the barman. What do you mean?''
why, whisky, of course. There's moth
ing like it when a mans going down
hill to make the descent lively. Phil
adelphia Times.
ut is dreary waste of sand, isn't
ita' said the grocer's wife as she and
her husband were walking along the
sea beach. Eyes, it is; dreadful waste;
with sugar at eight cents pound"
Washington Post.
He-'.Man is the only animal that
laughs. but it isn't necessary for you to
laugh all the time" She-''Man is
also the only animal that smiles, but it
isn't necessary for you to smile as often
as you do."-Bostonian
Mrs. Sweet (who has her neighbours
children in to spend the day)-s:And
so your mother is all alone! Dear me,
how she must be enjoying the quiet!
(Aside)-I will send nay children over
there tomorrowT -Manasey's Weekly.
Photographer (to lady before the
cameSal = ..Look pleasant, please"
Brute. of Husband-.'O come, now;
have likeness look natural, if it's go
ing to be q likeness ?n-BOston F3an-
script,
81 see. by the, newspapers. remarked
MRS, bunting "that petrified jaw
two, feet long has been found in Cali
fornia." why, you never told me
that your ancestors came from tina:
part of the country" replied hef has,
band. Figaro.
Get up!' exclaimed Miss Bunker
Hills cousin. But the horse. did. moi
move. THE animal daes not seem. ts
comprehend, said Miss Hill. 'Le1
me try" "All aight,n Proceed.
Bucephalusl" And the animal proceed
ed.-Harpez'S ~BaSap.
Hogsekeeper- "You needn't stor
here. We've got nothin' fer ye- Break
fast was over an hour ago. Clear out
now" Tramp-'.I didn't expect nc
breakfas' this time day, mum, only
hoped mebby I'd be in sfrhe for famils
prayers. ."-Good Nesss.
Bank President (to cashier in iaiD-
why didn't you go to Canadap'
Cashier (haugghsily) because Ty'
got some pride about me and didn'
want to go up there with only 5,OO
and live on back street in strang
city. - Washington Star.
Pater-"Well. Adolph, whom d
your college men elect to re- .,resei
them at the conventionP" Adolph-
''TWirler, SIR" Pater = s.Tvirle,
Can he put thipgs forcif f.lyP'' "Ye
bet! He cap pitch a bill through
wire netting every time >"-Burli,1gtc
Freq Press.
Miss Gadder-"Why is it that Mi
Longout is always going to the chir
podist's?" Miss Gossip don't kno
but she has been In society for t
seasons now, and I suspect that the
visits you speak of form her only c
portunity Of having man at her feet
-4AnsericG.
Enamored Youth-'I beg you, S
for the hand of your daughter. / CT
not live without her." Old Grumps
.'Glad to hear it. l can't live with h
Name the day. young man. and have
soon." Enamored Youth (backing @