Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-01-12

1
est amount of encouragement to fall into q
mans arms. But | suppose few men will
agree with him.
WIT AND WISDOM.
| Church lotteries may be wrong, but the
chorister gets his money by chants.-Hote
Gazette.
The devil is credited with great deal
of mischief that the stomach is guilty Of
B. U. Taylor
Mrs Sillibus says she "always likes to
see clergyman in the pulpit with his sur
plus.-" Gripsack.
If lit is divine to forgive then divines
should forgive each other their theological
differences.-Ah California.
There was young woman named Hannah
Who put on a great many airs,
| She stepped on peel of banana,
And now she's laid up for repairs
If your heart is larger than your head
you injure yourself, and if your head is
larger than your heart you injure your
neig eighbors.-Atchison Globe.
Men are often capable of greater things
than they perform. They are sent into the
| WOrlu Win DlllS Oh CTeult anu SSilOul QTdM
to their full extent Wdlpole.
For the friends of an officer to give him
a gold badge-without being able to give
him good character-does not amount to
much.-Nelo Orleans Pieaynne.
Button manufactures cannot be very
| profitable, for the button business is a
thing that sooner or later is bound to get
/ iptO n hoIa RoJfi,oo,.a 4 l,g,e,.jen-7
After all there is a vast amount of COM
fort to be taken out of growing old when
one has past the point of desiring to do
foolish things.-Mawaukee Journal.
Little Bessie-"Are you going to be
married Tottie, when you be big?"
Tottie-"No. Fse going to be divorced" !"
Kearney Enterprise.
Circumstances oft adjust the man
And make the scholar or the bOor
He's conservative because he's rich,
am radical because I m poor.
philadelphia Inquirer.
Something strange about this" unused
the growing society youth; "this dress
suit grows smaller every year, and yet
when take it out l find it in creases. p
Hotel Gazette.
Robert G. IngerSoll SAYS "nearly all the
Joy of this earth is by the freside" Ac-
cording to the orthodox view of Colonel
Bob" there is considerable joy in store for
him hereafter.
There have been rumors of a playing
card trust lately. The reports are by no
means unfounded. People interested in
cards are always ready for a deal.-Balti-
more american.
What should preachers preach about? is
the query put by the New York Herald.
Most of them should preach about thirty
minutes-with downward rather than
upward tendency.-Fiorida Times Union.
Teacher (holding up in oratorical colors
the horrors of Independently boys,
look at me- Why don't drink p
Boy ION back seat)-"Cause you amt
got the price"
Now, Bridget what have you for supper?
I'm as hungry IS hungry can be
You should always set on something extra
When I've been to five O'Clock tea"
-Bnghdmton Republican.
"How are you succeeding, Mr.. Horn
blower, in your work in the West % Rev
Mr. "Magnifcently. There's
great awakening at the end of every SER
mon." n."-Je,rish Messenger
Husband during quarreD Owe shall
never meet in heaven"
Wife-"Oh yes, we may. There is
plenty of time for you to reform YETI
Yankee Blade.
"Why in thunder are you having your
hair cut so close, Bjenkins? ~
$50 that | can get my hat on; and so
that my wife can't snatch me bald-headed.
Haven't been home for three days"
Edward Bellamy, author of Looking
Backward" has written a magazine article
on "What Can Be Done With the Servant
Girl ?" The right answer to this inquiry
is: Give her unrestricted use of the oil
can.
at is queer that no one thinks to send a
bottle of Jamaica ginger to the United
States Senate" remarked Squildig.
"Why :" asked McSwilligen.
"Well, there is a big Payne there"
The infants which have died since the
world began have had a very close shave
for eternal salvation. BY vote of 21 to IS
the Presbytery of Cincinnati concluded
that "all dying in infancy are saved"-
.Siour City Journal.
Fenderson-'D it ever occur to you
that it is pleasanter to talk with fool
than with wise manY
Fogg-"Oh, you sly dog Now l under
stand why you go about talking to your
self so much Boston Transcript.
Some men when they will not admit
The points in orthodoxy,
Or will not practice in their lives
The scheme by which the Christian thriyes,
Think if they have religious wives
1t may be done by proxy.
care you more fond of the Italian or
German school?'
Neither, sir, neither. ! think that in
this country if people want to send their
children to school the American is good
enough, sir"
He-'I am awfully sorry, Miss Mar
jorie, but your lips were SO near-the
temptation forgive me, | promise never
to DO so again"
She (tearfully anxious )-"Never again.
He contritely)-"Never."
She with conviction not born of expert
ence)-"Then ] am afraid we cannot be
friends s"-STanton Cricket.
Conductor-"Who is that serious look
ing man who says you have his ticket?"
Western Ranchman-"That mans been
my partner for ten years. You'd think to
look at him that he was solving weighty
problem; Ask him what he's thinking of,
and he answers, 'Nothin'' Funny. but
that's right"
While women's minds may be secure,
And not 50 tickle as is said,
A passing bonnets almost sure
To turn womans head.
And let TWO pass upon the street,
Each wearing bewtehing gown,
They turn each others head complete,
They're sure to look around.
Chicago Herald.
Mistress-"Are these the apples sent
you to get?"
Bridget-"They are that same"
Mistress -"Why have you bitten them
all?"
Bridget-@Sure, mum, ye tould me to
git nothin' but good atm apples, an |
tasted livery wan iv thin; an what wild
the Crane vans an the wormy vans, I'm
like to die
Suburban Resident-"Y want use
ful man about my place? Can you milk
Appiicant-"Yis,s sor."
(which side of the COW do you sit on
when milking%
"Null. sor. Oh niyer MIXED but wan COW.