The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-04-23
ocHlLTREE's BIG YARN.
He Discovers a Remarkable Cure, and
Patronizes Home Industries.

Every one knows or has heard of
Colonel Thomas P. Ochiltree, of Texas.
The ex-Congressman is forty-five years
of age and has faring red hair. He is
of large stature and a magnificent
specimen of American manhood, stand
ing six feet in his slippers and tipping
the scales at an even 200 pounds.
He is a lawyer by profession, and
makes it his business to bring wealthy
capitalists together, thereby receiving
liberal fees, and yet no fewer than
million people daily want to know
''how Colonel Ochiltree lives"
The "Fiery Texan" is not the fiery
man-eater with siX-shooter in each
pocket and bowie-knife in his left
bootleg, as he is generally represent
ed to be, but charming fellow, we'll
versed in the ways of the world, a
brilliant linguist and, outside of Chaun-
cey NJ. Depew, the best after-dinner
speaker in America.
The other day a Chicago statesman
who aims to be a greater preyaricator
than the immortal Thomas himself
sauntered into the Hoffman House, and,
walking up to the eex-Congressman, in
formed him that he had just returned
from the Calsbad springs, where he had
experienced miraculous cure.
You don't say?' was Ochiltree's
credulous reply
Yes, indeed" p" went on the Chicago
staresman, not the least bit abashed at
the fiery Texans doubtful manner.
You see | was consulting the great
est physicians in America, all of whom
| pronounced my case incurable. l de-
cided to 90 to Carlsbad and try its IA
nous waters"
''Humph! I never supposed you took
! any stock in water" interrupted
Thomas with shrug of his herculean
| shoulders.
Neither do, when it is plain. But
/ carried Il flask of fine old Bourbon in
my inside pocket and when I reached
the famous springs l kinder diluted the
water so as to disguise its taste, and,
will you believe me? the following
morning | was entirely cured and
when 1 woke up l found myself the
proud possessor of a brand-new liver. :"
Bah. that's nothing!n was the eX-
Congressman disgusted reply, land |
am surprised that a good Chicagoan
like you should have gone to Europe
to get cured, when plain, everyday
American Croton would have done you
just as much good But, will you be-
lieve me?"-
why, of course. we will, " echoed
Billy Edwards and the Chicago states
mai in chorus. WHO would ever
dream of doubling Colonel'Oehiltree's IS
word?"
And as they said this the waters of
the fountain merrily ehimed in a mu-
steal gurgle and the bottles on the bar
got up and did song and dance, as if
to encourage the immortal Thomas to
do his little best to down his rival from
Illinois.
"Well, if you believe me or not, I,too,
have been perfect martyr to that i'll
of ills, liver complaint, and as every
one pronounced my case altogether
hopeless I decided to go to Texas to
get cured.
while there | met a man who was
peddiing brand of pills known as the
American Liver and Light Cure, " he
went on. land being firm believer il
American remedies, l bought one sin
gle pill, and even before l had swal
lowed it, 1 found myself possessed of {
tin liver with electric light kidneys.
tell you, gentleman, there's nothing il
the world like patronizing home in
| duStrieS.n