Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-31
A FANcY.

FANCY.
OF all sights since the world began
Is to see upon the street,
In the days of summer heat,
Something that calls itself a man
Tanning itself with palm-leaf fan.
New York Herald.
PAYING PROFESSION.
Mr.. Million-Humphl Want t.
marry my daughterl Newspaper re-
porter, | understand / never heard of 9
newspaper reporter getting rich.
Mr.. Quickpen-Oh, have. know
of a dozen who have married heiresses. =
New York Weekly,
NO ROMANCE.
at is very sad," she unused, "but
Charlie hasn't got bit of romance. Last
night said to him, MY king and he
turned suddenly and growled out, Mike
whop VI Bazaar.
THE REJEcTED's REVENGE.
He-And so your answer is final7 You
will not be mine2
She-Yes, absolutely. But pray don't
go and blow your brains out.
He-It would be an idle attempt.
People say if | had any brains l never
would have proposed to you.- Boston
Transcript.
A FINISHED PERFORMANCE.
Yeast-I understand Miss Makeup
made her debut the other EVENING"
Crimsonbeak-Yes / attended the
theatre that night.
''Was it finished performance"
eyes, as far as Miss Makeup was con-
cerned. 1t finished herr Yonkers
Statesman.
A POOR EXCUSE is BETTER THAN NONE.
''Did l not see Mr.. Trotter holding
your hand tonight on the piazza"
"Y-es, papa; he said it would keep
off the dew"
NICE GIRL.
Gus-If you don't give it to me at
once I'll kiss you.
Madge-And if do give it to you you
will let me alone2
Gus-Certainly.
Madge-WeIl-you can't have it,
Boston Beacon.
HE HAD SUFFERED.
Fond Mother-Edward, how did your
clothes become so tornl Have you been
fighting again2
Eddie-No, ma'am, I've only been UNI
pirin' game between the Angels and the
Root Hog or Dies.
THOSE SUMNER ENGAGEMENTS.
Maud-Jack proposed to me when we
were in the surf together yesterday.
Ethel-And did you accept him2
Maud-Yes. / was afraid he would
duck me if l didn't.
THE SAME MAN.
Snow, sir, - began the attorney for the
defense, preparing to annihilate the wit
ness whom he was to cross-examine,
s'you say your name is Williams. Can
you prove that to be your real name9 Is
there anybody in the court room who can
swear that you haven't assumed it for
purposes of fraud and deceit9n
81 think you can identify me your
self, y answered the witness.
"T2 Where did / ever see you before,
my friend9"
81 put that scar over your right eye
twenty-five years ago, when you were
stealing peaches out of my fathers or
chard. I'm the same Williams. D Chi
cago Tribune.
THE WHOLE OF IT.
A man who had foolishly ventured
upon verbal contest with his wife was
met, as he was retiring from the scene,
by his little son, who had just begun to
study grammar.
'Papa, " said the child, "what part of |
speech is woman9"
''She isn't any part of speech at all,
Gregory; she's the whole of it,
MONEY TALKS.
Passenger ION far Western railroad)-l
At what station is the dining car attached |
10 this train2
Conductor-We don't have dining cars
IN this line. We will stop at Mugs
Crossing for lunch.
"What do they have for lunch,
isuallyg"
"Well, you can get sandwich, or a
up of coffee, or even a piece of pie-all
depends on how much money you've got"
-[Good News.
HE'S ALL RIGHT.
Mrs. Cobwigger-My little boy is SO
Ielicate don't think he will live through
he summer.
Rev. DIR. Primrose Tut, tut. As long
S he has survived the Fourth of July,
e's good for another year, at least
Epoch.
THE WAY OF WOMAN.