South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1890-06-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

The way 70 get at the root OF
thing is to-dig.
Boys will he boys Just so. What
pity 1t is, though. men won't always
be men.
Hackmsn-'Ist the doctor at home p
Bndget-'Yes, sir; he's on. In the
back yard killing O chicken
Hsckmsn-'Call i'm 10, I've got
bigger game
Diaer-'WAiter, this is indigesti.
BILE cheese, isn't it2'
? Wsiter-'Ycs. indeed. sab. Da.
am dc pure ind'gestible. jes' in from
de facrry.'
ARE dose bells ringing for firer
inquired Simon OF Tiborius. No in
deed. answered Tibe. rdsy alb 90,
plenty OF Ere, and de bella are ringing
Tor watar.'
I hope this hand is not counter.
let, said a lover. as he was towing
with bis sweethearts hand. The best
way TO find out is TO ring it, was the
reply.
WORTH
You are worth million TO me, nv
( son.'
Say. mamma, couldn't you adj
vance me Is centsY'
In the midst of heavy shower
during prolonged storm a little
miss was observed at the window cry
ing bitterly. what is the matterr
she was asked. I'm ,faid.' There's
nothing here TO burt you; what are
you afraid Off ''Faid of Noahl
a negro parson in the West, preach.
ing against the love OF money, con-
cluded his sermon by saying: And
finally brethren, you can Judge what
God thinks OF money by the class of
people he gives it to-
What have you done with your
doll, Amy?'
Lock 1t up, papa dom to teep IL
Tor my little dirl when l get big, JUS
like mamma
'Ah, but il you shouldn't have any
little girl9'
Never mind, papa; then I'll give
it 10 my g'ancbile!'
A young gentleman, five years of
age was approached with childish en-
dearments by an infant of eighteen
months. Don't you see, said the
mother. shat the baby wants TO kiss
your Yes replied young maturi-
ty.indignautly,thst's because il takes
me for It's pspa.'
Lady customer (ansrily)-I be-
lieve there is water in your milk, SIR
Honest Milkman-'Yes, madam,
there is. have On several occasions
urged the cows to be more careful,
but they insist that it is impos :ible TO
make milk without water.
A Snowman in the State of Maine
wanted 70 exhibit an Egyptian num-
my, and attended at the court. house
10 obtain permission. What is it
you want to show?' inquired the
Judge.
An Egyptian mummy more than
three thousand years DID, said the
Snowman.
Three thousand years ollr ex.
claimed the JudgeJ jumping to his
feet; and is the critter alive?'
A reverend gentleman was address.
ing Sabbath School concert a. Bos.
ton Highland, one Sunday night, and
was trying to enforce tie doctrine
that tue hearts Of the little ones were
sinful, and needed to be given to
Christ. Taking out his watch and
holding it up, lie said:
NOW here is my watch, suppose it |
don't keep good time; now goes too
fast, and now too slow; what shall / |
do with i,?'
Sell it! shouted q little flaxon-
beaded yOungster, for half price,
A Colonel remarkable for his rea-
dy wit and galantry met ON Itishman,
WHO had lived next door Doighbor 10 |
him. why Maloney, is it your Its
meself. sure 1t is long time
since I've seen you, Maloney.' Faith,
and it is a long time. Colonel Il
hope, Maloney, tba! YOU don't get on
a frol;c Dow-a.days.' Not the Taste
in the world. Colonel, I'm living bes
SIDE sober paple now. I've not been
on bit Of a spree since | left your
neigbborhood I
SOLOMON AND THE BLACKSMITH
The story goes that during Tie build
ing of Solomon's Temple, that wise
ruler decided 20 treat the artisans
employed on lis famous ed fee TO
banquet. While tho men were enc
toying the good things his bounty
had provided, King Solomon moved
about from table TO table. endcavor-
ing 60 become better acquainted with
his workmcD. To one he said, 'My
friend. what is your trader "a car
,,c,tov nj vho ruakce t..,,r t,,t. o.