davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
HUMOROUS.

The rain is exceedingly familiar?"
''IIow's that?" From the friendly way
it has of patting fellow on the back"
Light,
Teacher (at Sunday school )-'Bet-
ty, what have we to do first before. we
can expect forgiveness for our sins?"
Betty-"We have to sin first"
Easy Enough. h.-Clerk-I broke
Gabber from loafing hero SO much" ."
Merchant-I am glad of it. How did
you do it?' II sold him some goods on
credit" ."-Detroit Free Press.
Lady Customer-"Do you sell ice
here?" Dealer-"Yes'm." "IIow long
have you had it on hand?" "Since last
winter" ut won't do; must have
somc that's perfectly fresh"
That must be a Boston girl"
"Why do you think so?" "She is all
freckled." How does that make her a
Boston girl?" "Woll, you see, she has
her specks on."-Boston Courier
He was the most gentlemanly
highwayman I ever encountered" 'In
what way?" ''IIo stole $50 in bills
from me, and then in a spirit of gen.
erosity paid me five dollars for my
watch. ."-Harper's Bazar
Gus De Smith, saw you talking
the other day to Smithers who writes
poetry. Did you lend him any money!
kosciusko Murphy-'I had to. He
threatened to write a sonnet in honor
Of my sister if l refused. Texas Sift-
ings.
Mrs. Bargan-"What are you wor-
ryin' about this morning?' Mr.. Bar
gan--"I need some new clothes and q
new watch, and l can't make up my
mind whether to get the clothes at a
store where they give away watches, or
buy the watch at store whore they
give away clothes. food News.
i love the rhythmic stutter of the mower
on the lawn
As it rouses me from sluggard sleep, and
tells me 1t is morn.
All, yes, dearly love it;
But the man who has to shove 1t
I'll bet a silver dollar wishes he had not been
born.
New Haven News.
Pleasant. We'll, Susie, how do you
get along with your study of cookingP"
"Oh, beautifully, dear Henry By the
time we are married shall be a per-
feet cook, and shall be so happy, es-
pecially when you are sick, for l am
learning all sorts Of nice recipes for sick
people. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
Too Fascinating. The proprietress
Of cafe on the Boulevard des Italiens
recently said to young and impecuni-
Gus journalist: This is the sixth time
you have been here without saying a
word about the money you owe me,
monsieurl What am l to understand by
it?" "Ah, madame" said the witty
journalist "when one sees you one ios.
gets every thing, lie Figaro
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

in Trinidad there will soon be a
Presbyterian Synod. There are GS, 600
Hindoos in the island.
The Gospel of Matthew has been
published in the Fiot tongue of the
Lower Congo, by Mr.. Westland.
The Swiss conduct an industrial
mission in India Christian artisans
teach the natives various employments
and the truth of the Gospel at the same
, time.
-"The enrolment plan" is move
ment among the Episcopalians of this
country to raise $1,000, 900 for missions,
domestic and foreign, from 200, 900 con-
tributors at IS each.
The now Baptist Grace Temple
Church in Philadelphia, Rev. r. II.
Conwell, pastor, is to have seats for
1900 people, and with additional chairs
is expected to accommodate 5000. The
expected cost of tho edifice and the site
Is S2OO,OOO
The Chinese, who hold fast to OK
aminations as the cornerstone, not
only of their educational fabric, but of
their civil service, are in hot water over
the discovery that cheating is largely
practised at these examinations. They
have not yet discoverd way of dealing
with it effectively.
In the 454 principal universities of
the world there are 10,203 professors
Denmark lays claim to 40; Portugal 40;
Norway, 46; Holland, so: Belgium, 49,;
Switzerland, 90; Sweden, 173; France,
1SO; Spain, $50; Russia $50; Italy, 600;
Great Britain, S34; Germany, 1920
Austria, 1,S1O, and the United States
4,240.
In the past twenty-five years the
Methodist church is said to have built
6, 900 more churches than are owned by
the Presbyterians in the whole country,
1000 moro than the Congregationalists,
8, 900 moro than the Roman Catholics.
Such figures speak loudly for the vigor
and excellent management which make
such advances possible.
The Waldensian church of Italy,
which recently celebrated its two hun
1rcdth anniversary of the return of the
exiled Vaudois, gives evidence of con-
tinucd life and vigor. 1t reports roll
of forty four churches, thirty-eight pas
tors, twenty-seven evangelists, includ-
| ing colporteurs, six Bible readers, 4,074
communicates and 469 cateChumenS,
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
keeper to SEQ a nice little burglar who
has ordered his own arrest"

keeper to SEQ a nice little burglar who
has ordered his own arrest"
Durston, with his pistol still in hand,
touched the electric button at the head
OF his bed. A few moments later the
housekeeper, en- neglige, entered the
library. With a cry of despair she
clasped the burglar to her bosom. "My
son, my son, why are you here?"
Durston was amazed. He had not
known that his housekeeper had a
history.
as this one of your boys?" he yelled
at her.
MY only son." she sobbed. 81 have
not seen him for twenty years, but l
recognized him at once. Is he friend
of yours, Mr. Ours ton?"
Our bachelor knew not what to say.
His housekeeper, as have said, was an
inheritance from his parents and he
had always been fond of her. She had
taken good care of him all these years,
and he hated to tell her that her son
was a criminal.
yes" he shouted, she dropped in to
have cigar with me. KNEW you would
like to see him. But he is obliged to go
now. He wants to catch train for
Montreal. Kiss him farewell. He won't
be back for some time"
"Thank you, sir" murmured the
burglar. "You have good heart"
A few moments later Durston stood
on the front steps OF his residence and
watched his housekeepers son as he
hurried down the street.
what shall say to the policeman"
was the problem vexing him.
You remember the mysterious item
that appeared in the newspapers the
next morning. Durston explained his
telephone message on the ground that
he had been suffering from nightmare.
The above is the first public statement
of the facts in the case. hope Durston
won't get into scrape by this nara
tion. AS good citizen he had no right
to let the burg lar escape. Atlanta Con.
Stitution.
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

Queen Victoria's chief cook is
Mohammedan.
1t is estimated that 162, 9S7 volumes
have been adde i to the college libraries
of the United States during the past
year, making the total number of vol.
umes in such libraries 2,SS3, 1873,
Francis Power Cobbe is sixty-eighs
years of age, and still active in her liter
ary productiveness. She is at the head
OF the anti-vivisection movement in En-
gland, and power in its labors, both
with tongue and pen.
Probably the smallest millionaire
in the country is Jacob Seligman, who
is hardly more than four feet high. He
came from Germany whom a boy, and
went to Michigan twenty years ago
without a dollar. His fortune is now
estimated at SIS, 900, 900,
A library exclusively intended for
women has been opened at Turin. The
rooms are elegantly furnished, and the
tables covered with all the best period
| icals and newspapers that can interest
4DLiaIS INducIo, Nlllc gilt Dt0b LlOhVl IL
books fill the shelves. Turin, it is said,
is the first Italian city that can boast OF
| such library.
Literary men, according to CELSIUS,
have universally weak stomachs.
Aristotle had this organ so feeble that
he was Obliged to strengthen it by the
application of an aromatic oil to the
region Of the stomach, which mover
failed to impart its cordial effects by
transpiring to his viscus. And an
eminent physician once asserted that
he could estimate the capacity of the
mind by the dclicacy Of the stomach. e
Mrs. Louise Phillips and Mrs, Au-
bertine Woodward Moore, two well.
known literary workers, residing at
Madison, have begun the compilation
of work which will contain collec-
tion of Stories sketches and poems by
| Wisconsin writer's. The book will be
an octave and will contain five hun
dred pages More than one hundred
writers will be represented in its pages.
| The Introductory chapter will give a
brief history of literature in Wisconsin,
and in addition there will be direc.
tory of Wisconsin writer's.
The Speaker, Of London, has made
a study of novel heroes Out Of 1872 OF
these gentlemen that came out between
October and June last it is discovered
that eighty-fve stood six feet, while
many were even taller. Compared with
those of the nine months preceding last
October, the heroes of the period in
question show an increase in height
averaging three-Quarters of an inch per
hero 1t is observed that lady writers
show marked tendency to make their
male characters tall. Tho reading pub
lie would willingly allow some of the
fair novelists the right to lengthen their
heroes to any extent if they could only
be induced to shorten their stories.
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
A pEsSIMlSTIc REvERY.

I'D like 70 'ahI ' ,on hora in Too.
To other worius, ~, -, no,u' oa%nan ~ r". sans.
Nature seems shol o,s " oA y, tnnt '0A''
And pam uH' N0 "
Her loves anu Z. ioi.' .,a,s,aSs n WOW p'
MIX up III euon ,s..os :" ana ow no,rs
That whicn .ho ,inS ioao1s oon "o n,oar,r % ssu
Noreasonine '''' '
The Things sno uooa ., ano aaod 1.1 ,nd haa ''
Her curious ~ u'oo =. onS go ~ tmn
Nouiu ieaiiy ~ ~ - ho sod
oniy ~ n"ppoA'
r,o Mains and evils she contrives
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09

stiff dose of Durston's whisky and then
lighting one of his unwilling hosts
cigars.
Durston was astonished and amused
"Now that I've got my burglar after
waiting for him so many years, | might
as we'll make little pleasure out of
him." he said to himself. Then to the
burglar:
"You're a cool one. / congratulate
you on your nerve. You will pardon
me, however, if I ask you to take the
trouble to lay aside your cigar for a mo-
ment and step to the telephone"
The burglar looked sharply at Durston,
who still covered him with the re-
volyer. There was that in the bachelors
face that shook the GOODNESS Of the in
truder. He walked quickly to the tele-
phone.
Take down that pamphlet, there,
continued Durston. "Now, look up the
cali for the - precinct station-house.
Have you found it?"
"Yes."
King up the central oilce'
The burglar sullenly turned the
crank.
"You know what to do now. Go
ahead"
A glance at the revolver was sufficient
for the frightened little man. He brisk
ly gave tho required number to the
operator.
SIS this the - precinct station
house?' he asked, after time. "All
right Wait moment"
"Tell them you're burglar and want
policeman sent here at once to arrest
you," commanded Durston, smiling
grimly.
"will one policeman doP they ask
said the burglar.
"Use your own judgment in that mat
ter" remarked Durston, politely.
"Hello, hello! Yes, one will do very
nicely. Hurry him up, please Yes
Thank you. Goodnight"
"You did very WE'LL" commented our
bachelor. 'If you robbed as cleverly
as you telephone you would not be where
YOU are now. must put you to the IN
convenience OF stepping into my bed
room for q moment Iwant my house
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
Medicinal Virtue In Fish Bones.

Travellers who have penetrated into
the easternmost parts Of Southern Rus
sia find some strange beliefs as to the
power of fish charms. Many fish found
in those countries have two small, hard,
round bones on the side of the head.
They are believed to have the power
when worn by the owner to prevent col
ic, and they are termed collie stones.
The more wealthy of the peasants have
collie stones mounted in gold, and they
are worn upon the neck as valuable
addition to necklace. The bones of
the common bullhead are much used
among the Russian peasants as charm
against fever. Among European ma
tions in the middle ages doctors of med
icine had faith that two bones found in
the head of the tench have medicinal
virtues. The bones were applied to the
skin in cases of fever. The tench is
European fish, and the United States
Fish Commission is endeavoring to
introduce it to American waters.-Jew'
elers' Review
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09

dogs, lightning, or fire. He even dared
TO right now and then. On the whole
he was as plucky as the average man in
spite of his conviction that the time
would como whom he would have trouble
with burglar and suit at law with an
old maid.
Durston, as you know, lives in hand
some house on an uptown cross street
He has always held that the majority of
burglaries are effected through the
treachery Of servants. He has, there
fore, kept bachelors hall for many years
with the aid of only one assistant-an
old woman--a kind of heirloom in his
family. As he generally dimes at his
club he has managed to live very COM
fortably without keeping boarding
house for men and women who might be
In league with robbers. His aged house
keeper is not ambitious. He feels con-
fdent she will never sue him for breach
Of promise nor permita burglar to make
breach in the house.
Durston's library and bedroom are on
the second floor. The old woman sleeps
In a back room on the floor above. She
isvery deaf, so when Durston wishes to
call her he touches button at the head
Of his bed. This sends mild electric
current through the reclining form of
the housekeeper upstairs. She approves
Of this process in the belief that it
tends to hold her rheumatism in check.
lSeems very shocking way to treat
on old woman, however. And then
Durston must find it unpleasant to
discharge servant two or three times
aday.
But let us return to our burglar. One
night last winter Durston reached
home rather earlier than usual. AS
was his custom, he examined the doors
and windows in the lower part of the
house and then went to the library. He
found his smoking-jacket and slippers
In their accustomed place. A wood
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
SECRETS OF AFRICA.
A Significant Silence About tho Conduct
of British Companies There.

of British Companies There.
A feature of the British enterprise in
East Africa is the secresy with which
the operations of British Imperial East
African Company are conducted. In
"Whitaker," which is supposed to give
all official information on all public
matters, the words mo information ac-
cessible" appear opposite the entry re-
ferring to this corporation, AS the
company conducts its operations under
charter granted by the Queen, this
secresy excites criticism; but little can
be done. If Parliament should mako a
fuss about it the only result would be
that the ministry would have to resign,
because tho sovereign can do no wrong
and if any wrong is done it is the fault
of the ministry.
In Wow of the perils to which mill
ions of the natives OF Africa are sub.
jected by the advance of civilization, in
the shape OF the British trader, it is
thought that sufficient publicity ought
to be given to the affairs of the company
to insure the protection of the natives
against outrages of the grossest kind.
1t is recalled in connection with this
matter that in no case, except, perhaps,
one, have the doings Of any British
colonial company been sufficiently
known TO permit adequate public dis
cussion of them. Official secresy has
stifed tho means of the native posses
sors of the soil. Very little is known of
what is going on in the Congo State,
except to the officers of the company,
the employees of the company being
bound over to silence in penalties
Illustrated American.
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
Loss of Appetite.

Principal of Girls Boarding-School
Ito her butcher)-From tomorrow you
can send me three pounds of meat less
than the usual quantity.
Have you lost some of your board
ers?'
mo, but four of the girls have fallen
In love. "--Basler Nachrich ten.
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
DURSTON'S BURGLAR.
Singular Dealings With a Midnight
Intruder.

ICHARD OURS
TON, bachelor,
had always been
afraid of burglars
and susceptible
of old maids. He
could not remem-
ber t b o tt m Q
when the dread
of being robbed
or sued for
breach of prom
ise was not upon
him. He never
seemed to feel
nerYOna ahOut
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09

s,e s,e was cracking in the CRATE and de-
,a ,aA'er OF whisky and box of cigars
hmp'eo him from the center table
A. 'sVoh smiled contentedly as he drew
NJ, Easy chair toward the fire. Life
A, @' very pleasant to him. He was one.
,s,a nose happy bachelors who have no
s.e's' ,oss' Not that Durston lacked
n''ment W.. Far from ii. III fact, he
n,s "' nos at all what the world calls a
Practical man.
H. noN Durston was inclined to lcok at
,m,, my romantic side OF life, and as he
'N'Aes perfeoto and slipped bis whisky
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
TOLD BY ENVELOPES.


| Your Friends Address.
Some persons claim that character
/ iiscloses itself to the observing from
the outside of an envelope, and al
| though the assertion seems decidedly
far fetched, there is more than grain
of truth in it after all. 1t all depends,
| however, on that little clause ito the
| Observing" If one stops an instant to
think, blurred or blottcd address sug-
| gests that the writer must have good
| deal of don't care" in his make; if the
| contrary were the case, and an aCCi-
| dental blottng of the envelope had oc-
Cured, it would have been destroyed
and a clean one taken its place. II let
ters como habitually from one person
and are habitually blurred and sloyenIy
in their address, it argues a certain
sloyenliness in character.
If the penmanship is quick, care
less, dashy hand, it suggests that the
writer is of a quick, nervous tcmpcra-
ment, while if the writing itself is hur-
ried to sloyenliness it discloso3 lack OF
system, an individual always in a hur-
ry, A running hand, small and con-
else, bespeaks the collegiate, accus-
'o'''eH " '"NlIi9 I'oI9a "O i'o,ulsS'
too'''' i"II manu- " PuDi'0 S'Aoo! eouC"-
tion with SpenCerian teaching in writ
ing; very angular up-and-down hama
hints at the writer's great initiative
powers, for that is never natural; very
bold, dashing style argues individual
n.y. anu peculiar manu- of'81naI,,y
WIN S'reH@C" VI C""'"c'I'' c9PcNi"'IJ
Il V"e PeC"ll"Il'y III '"' 0"''o5l"P"J ID
nov PIea9Hs'
II IL - " l"oorFU manu- II Iil'"i'o o'0
j Two 'lil'lT'' clU"or IAN u P'"''i09
PernaP' /" carry cU"C"lion Tc'I
:arel"I' pains 'aAins t"uI'Ion"'' Il ~
Is however, particular CAREFUL F"U"''
eFeu' oe"u'lI"I MANU. II arg u'9 ''I''J'
lol n' "IiOeF mas ','''""J DE'l
PIa!Seu ~. ms p''l'iI"i'eNtt an" I'N''
Pr"lSe' IL IL 10 " "'"T IAe"7-H7 ""'
'I''', "''i'" W Al '1'0 ',e0' . '?N ol'til
ION o' Tou, .or no "o'S HIS 'e'O III "''''
ing 5o" ~ oii,J P'l"'r' v" D'."'''
~ 40 Ho+t 'ch',0Li"" "'"s an" "" 'o- "t'
oolio'9 lie "'' HV'',."l 7D'' 'l''U!i'N
anu '0 W u, 'io',, ~. MS "'l'''!S ID l-i''
'N0 '','-'' VII ."e W
an az ~; am, - '''' o''lJ5 "P"J
Ii''9' 'l4o6 to'' III, ,V' "SH- 'I7 "'tCe' W
uo YOU !"'",' "o "o"'" '''' Oo'"ei
'1''l'c4A " "' '''0o " ".'I wv
a" l'F 'nr H"TS'0P '''ei'' - " Hi"t'i'
o'0ih"iJ """'i' - '''''''' '''' a. III IL
oo '"PPoSo"' po'','S % p''9T' c,I DI"
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
Kangaroos Tor America.

1t would seem that tho project of i'm.
porting kangaroos into this country is
seriously entertained by several cnthu.
siastic and wealthy sportSmon in the
West. The first rumors of such plan
were received almost universally with
smiles, but later details show that
sportsmen have decided that the project
is entirely fcasable. The extinction of
tho buffalo has left the plains without
any big gamo of Importance, and hunt
ing the kangaroo, as ii is done in Aus
tralia, is second in excitement and in-
terest only to killing the buffalo, Kan
CARGO leather is exceedingly valuable
and the animals breed rapidly They
have been successfully accimatod in
rug rand and France and it is said that
there is actually no reason why they
should not thrive here. The idea Of
the promoters of this plan is to intro.
luce tho kangaroos at the beginning of
the warm season in Yellowstone Park
and give the breed Government pro-
lection for few years so as to bar out
the pot-hunters Chicago Post
-Unclo Ncd-"Does your father ever
play ball?" Tommy with tho recollection
Of a recent chastisement in mtndl--
No; but ! am sure If he did that ho
would make q great batting average
DeSoto times. (Hernando, Miss.) 1879-1898, 1890-10-09
The Reason Why.

Smith (astonished)-Why, doctor
What made you move? You had such
q large practice out there, and
Doctor (disconsolately interrupting)
Yes; but--they all diedl-Pack.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1890-04-12
OF GENERAL INTEREST.
$50. inclusive

1t is estimated that if the Atlantic
ocean could be drained off the wealth
living around loose on the bottom would
figure up billion of dollars and more.
AT Auburn, Cal, woman was
watching her hens which were scratch
ing in the garden, when she saw them
unearth bright object and try their
bills upon it. She took it into the house
and it proved to be chunk OF gold
worth fifty-seven dollars
"A Brooklyn lawyer invited some
clients who called upon him out to lunch
When they got their bill for legal ser
vices they found four dollars added to 1T
for the meal, but they took good care
not to pay it and the over-shrewd dis
chile of blackstone has not, up to the
present, sued.
A freak in the way of handwriting
has lust come under notice. A little girl
of four years writes with her left hand
and writes her words backward, as they
are reflected in mirror from ordinary
writing. Her friends have to read them
by means Of looking glass. The child
was taught writing with sister, but
would do things in her own way, with
the result that she writes huently in
this fantastic style.
Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1890-04-12
A Confusion of Tongues.

The prohibition of the use of the Ger
man language in the courts of the Baltic
provinces by the Russian Government
has created a great confusion OF tongues.
The majority of the population on the
Russian side of the Baltic knows little
or no Russian at all, and the scenes in
the courts, where the peasants seeking
Justice and the lawyers pleading their
clients cases are unable to communicate
their grievances to the learned judge
who knows no German, are any thing
but pleasing for those concerned. One
barrister, on being required to sign an
oath, demanded that he might be al
lowed to study the document with the
aid of dictionary before he put his
name to it, This request, however, was
denied as -'unseemly and impudent."
The judges themselves are in an
awkward plight, being ordered to go to
the Baltic provinces from their posts in
other parts of Russia, sometimes at only
a moments notice, and there seems to
be as complete a chaos as is possible
Chicago Herald.