Dodge City times., 1890-07-04
TITLED JOURNALISTS


When did our accomplished towns.
man. William L. Crounse, become 4
major. and why do you sling titles
around so indiscriminately among youl
fellow-journalists?" asks . correspond.
ent OF the Washington Post. and thia
Is the explanation the editor gives:
We do not sling titles around indis.
criminately. We bestow them with the
very incest discrimination and with
systematic justice; and since it appears
that our correspondent has not oh
served our system we are glad of this
opportunity to assure him that we have
one and to exhibit it to him. First,
let us say that when we entered the
profession Of journalism we were
panied to find that the men who were
moulding public opinion and helping
providence to run things in general
were plodding along without Sign Of
. title to their names. Indeed. for
some time we hesitated al the threshold
ct journalism, because we saw NO
chance of ever acquiring a title in il.
whereas. if we went into the barberiuo
business we might become a professor,
or If we became hotel proprietor We
might be Colonel or If we simply
stood around and did nothing but look
dignihed and achieve and attain a red,
red nose we might be called a Judge.
1t was only when we had conceived
the idea of possibly raising journalism
to titular condition that we engrafted
ourself upon it and began this noble
reform Of too-lonsneglected profess
sion; and we are profoundly glad to
say that already the public is becoming
so conversant with the journalistic dis.
tinctions that only here and there
person now is found who calls every
body from the editor-il . lief 10 the
elevator boy a reporter. The follow
ing table will inform our correspondent
that we are not indiscriminating. but
that we have given much profound
thought and painstaking study to the
subject of journalistic titles: ..s
Sole proprietors not engaged in edi-
torial management, shall each be en-
titled to the distinction of being called
Mister-as. for example. Mr.. John r.
Walsh. of the Chicago Herald.
Business managers with proprietary
interests shall be entitled Deacons-as,
Deacon Richard Smith. of the Cincin-
natl Commercial Gazette. -,,..s.
Editors-in-Chief with proprietary in.
terests shall be entitled Generals as,
General Charles A. Darn, Of the New
York Sun.
Managing editors without interest
shall be COlonels-as, Colonel John
Cockercll. of the New York World. '-
All writers and editors Immediately
under Colone!s (such as editorial writ.
ers, news editors. city editors, heads Of
bureaus. special staff correspondents.
elc-) shall be entitled Majors.
All telegraph readers. local reporters,
stenographers. typoscribes. etc., shall
be entitled Captains.
The Office boy shall be the only pri-
vate.
We are glad to have had this oppor-
tunity to set forth our carefully de-
yised system of journalistic titles. not
only because it acquits us OF the charge
of indiscrimination. but because it will,
we trust. have the effect Of correcting
such errors as have been made by per-
sons who have iudiscriminately slung
titles around among journalists. For
example, there is our gifted friend.
Major Henry v. Bovnton! He is COM
monty called General Boynton. which
during the war was all right. but which
is not his journalistic title. and should
not be used in the piping times of
peace. He is Major BoyntOn because
he is at the head of the Cincinnati COM
naerciat Gazetts's Washington bureau.
And Colonel Fred d. Mussey is Colo
nel (by brevet) only when General
Halstead is absent and he becomes the
editor of the paper. At all :
other times he is Major Musscy because
he is special staff correspondent Wei
.ould cite many more of these painful
but the examples are
sufficient for our purpose.
We believe the justice and the exac-
litude of this system. will commend il
10 all our brethren OF the press. y,
A Mean MAJ. "a
This time the meanest man halls
from Allapaha, Ga A few months ago
his wife, an estimable lady, died. and
after dispOsing of other matters he took
. trunkful of her clothing out in the
street and auctioned it off, piece By
piece, to passers-by.
I'm a small town in Baden a minister
closed his sermon the other day with
these words: I'VE would be pleased
moreover. to have the young man who
is now standing outside the door come
in and make certain whether she is
here or not. That would be great
deal better than opening the door half
IN inch and exposing the people in the
last row of seats to drauSSit. -
ankt.rfcr Zeitunr
i-ermeate0 with kerosene.
A Cleveland chemist says that peo-.
pie who use kerosene lamps for a num-
Der of years become so permeated with
the oil that their bodies after death
scarcely need any embalming fluid "a,
A G.rry Ghost.
A specter OF q strangely jovial and
friendly disposition is at present puz-
zlipg the people Of Helena, Ark, who
v vould be alaI m ed at the antics OF the
ghost were it not for the perfect good
nature and jolly ways of the fellow,
He is little. ugly man, DIRE e,sed in q
gray suit, with . soft black hat worn
;et back Oh his head. with comical.
pleasant face and quick, bright eyes.i
He will appear in broad daylight with
,ut warning and, as if evolved from the
,mpty air, step up to some man, give
lim hail-fellow- well met slap on the
shoulder with yigor. and immediately
he man turns j. go1e completely, With
his happy, genial laugh still ringing in
he air. The man singled out inever
ICES him on. thsts oc"asion, ,thouelNtbe
,host is plainly visible to the bystand- q
RS; he only feels the slap on tho
houlder. When some one else IL thus
avored instead, however, he can sep r
lin then. ItiIr = - -.
MANY attempts have been made to lay