The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1890-01-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

1t is the scissors grinder who likes to
see things dull.
The Republic of Brazil deposes and
money disposes.
A clothes call-"Say, you heather
Chinee, isn't my washing done yet9"
Some of these amateur singing So
cieties ought to come under the head of
bawl clubs. Boston Bulletin.
Some people look to poste!i,y for vim
dication, thinking that posterity will not
have chance to find them out.--Judgs.
Deaf mutes talk with their fingers;
but the most expressive of silent Ian
guages is heard when ''money talks. -
Puck.
Dignity is becoming; but beware of
sticking your stomach out in the effort to
keep square shoulders, lest you become an
object of derision.
Wiggins-"H Has Higgins settled down
any7" Jiggins--"Yes, I think he has
by this time; he's been buried about
three weeks. "--Epoch.
When man is young he thinks to re-
form the world, but when he gets older
he is quite satisfied if he is able to reform
himself. -Atchis0n Globe.
Burglar-"You're getting fat. Don't
look as if business worried you much"
Pickpocket-"Oh,n no. / take things
easy."-Pa Philadelphia Inquirer.
"My face, as well as yours, is my for
tune" said the two-nosed freak at the
dime museum as he turned up one of his
,olfactory organs at the Circassian beauty.
Angry Father Another tailor's bill,
Il suppose. Well, what's to be done
about it2" Son (meekly)-"That's for
Nou to settle y Clothier and Furnisher.
The urchin who sees the legend Paint
Can never pass it by
i Without putting out his fingers
To see if the paint is dry.
Boston Courier
There is one point in favor of the man
that laughs at his own jokes. You are
never in doubt as to whether he in
tended to be funny Haute Er-
press.
Hungry Guest-''Do you think can
satisfy my appetite with such dinner as
this2'' Waiter-"Of course not. What
extra dishes shall l bring you9"--Teras
Sttings.
Irate Father-s'You young rascal,
YOU; didn't catch you making faces be-
hind my back2" Young Hopeful
"Well, how was I to know you'd see
mea"-Juyy.
eyes" said the dentist as he yanked
away at the tooth regardless of his
patients yells, "a man is bound to succeed
at his work, provided it is done with
sufficient pains.
Minnie-"They say that Mr.. Peck does
all of his own mending. Isn't that nice
for herr" Mamie--'I don't know. 1t
seems to me that would rather have
real man. TIE Haute Express.
The snobs who declare they are the cream Of
the land
The superlative few, the select of the race
Should remember the process that nature has
planned
Puts the cream and the scum in the very same
place.
Chicago Herald
Little Louise was told that her grand
mother had died and gone to heaven, and
was asked if she didn't want to be in
heaven with her. "Well," replied the
little one, II would like to live with
grandma, but don't want to go so early"
Boston Herald.
81 don't see how Mrs. McGay can af-
ford to wear so many tips on her hat.
There is a row of them all the way round
the brim" "Afford it, / woncer that
she hasn't the whole hat made of tips.
Her husband is hotel-waiter, you
know. '-Judge.
"Some boarders," said the landlady in
AN offended tone, ''are hard to please. |
heard young Grape complaining of lack
of variety of food at the table this morn
Ing, and | have hash five times week.
That ought to be variety enough for
any man. Mao York News.
Mamma, where is my hata" yelled
Tommy. "Just where you left it, F." re-
Piled his mother. Tommy rubbed the
end of his nose for moment, and then
said Mamma, if you won't tell me
where it is, won't you please tell me
where l left it2"-Ha,per's Young People.