Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-09-25

made enough of one feature.
Silversmith-What's that?
Philosopher-The spout.-[Jewelers'
Weekly.
EVIDENCE OF THE TRUTH.
Horse Dealer-Count, you had GER
tainly better buy that horse. He is per-
fectly sound.
81 believe you. If he hadn't been
sound he would never have lived to such
an age."-[ Fliegende Blatter.
THE DEAR GIRLS.
Ethel find twilight more conducive
to love making than any other time.
Maud-Of course. Your features arc
partly concealed them Munseys.
BAD ADVICE.
~ assure you, Judge, that my physi-
clan is responsible for my being a
thief
'Do you mean to say that he hypno-
tized you and compelled you to commit
a crime?"
81 won't say that, but do know that
he ordered me to take something before
going to bed. y New York Herald.
AN ANCIENT PRACTICE.
"Lynching was common in ancient
times, if one may judge from the litera-
ture."
81 thought that was modern institu-
ton"
"No, haven't you read about the
stringing up of the lyre?"
WOULD LOVE HIM LONG.
ooh, wilt thou love me long, my dear2"
She gazed upon his form so tall.
"Of course, I'll have to love thee long,
If e'er | love thee, Jake, at all n
IT WAS NOT A HOBBY.
Ponsonby-There's man up town who
has at least 200 clocks of all kinds and
descriptions.
Popinjay remarkable hobby.
Ponsonby-Not so much so when you
remember that he keeps jewelry store.
--LJewelers' Circular.
PREPARING HIS DEFENCE.
"You claim that you were insane when
you proposed to her Z"
" Yes, sir"
"Can you prove it 2"
" Yes, sir"
elbow 2n
"By producing the plaintiff in court
and letting the jury look at her. p New
York Sun.
PRINCIPLE AND PRINCIPAL.
Mrs. du Temps-I don't approve of
MIR. Moneybag's suit, my dear. l don't
think he is the man for you, for he
doesn't seem to have a spark of prin-
ciple.
Miss du Temps-He has principal,
ma, of 5000, 900, that yields him 10 per
cent. annually. What more do you want
II Lawrence American.
HE DID THEM JUSTICE.
She Indignantly don't think you
give us girls credit for thinking of any.
thing else but dress.
He (suavely)-Oh, you wrong mel
do give you credit for thinking of more
than dresses.
"Of what else2"
"Bonnets. 1.-THE Epoch.
HE SPOKE FROM EXPERIENCE
81 have mind to get married."
"Well, you won't have any afterwards,
| can tell you."-[ Epoch
FRED's MISTAKE.
Amy-Fred, hear that your engage.
ment with Miss Blesser is broken.
Fred-Yes, it is.
Amy-It must have been built on the
sand to fall so soon.
Fred-I thought it was founded on
rocks, but discovered she hadn't any.
Il Munsey's Weekly.
A NATURAL RESULT.
Visitor TO insane aylum Ito keeper
And who is that gibbering idiot over
there2
Keeper Sadly II lat poor fellow was
one of our most promising young lawyers
till he took young lady to ball game
one afternoon and attempted to watch
the game and explain it to her at the
same time Lawrence American.
| WISE BEYOND HER YEARS.
Reginald love you, Madeline. For
you l would give up family, position,
wealth
Madeline-Hold, Reginald. Giving up
family is all right fain would be spared
a motherin-a -all-give up your position, if
you can get better one, but for heavens
sake hold on to your wealth. We may
need it.-LTeXas Siftings
AN EvENTFUL DEAL.
Speaking of poker hands," said
young Pecan, of Texas, 81 once played
in three-cornered game in which one
man held five aces and the other man
siX-shooter-
"And you?"
"And held an inquest. ."-[St, Joseph
News.
| RECIPROCITY.
They had a quarrel, and she sent
His letters back next day;
His ring and all his presents went
To him without delay.
"Pray send my kisses back to me-"
He wrote, "Could you forget them2"
She answered speedily that he
| Must come himself and get theml
|
Two Funny War Stories.
Congressman Allen, of Mississippi,