St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-04-01


To rutfle up the spirits in
A business envelope.
At time-worn tricks OF local youl
The April Fool will bite
And snatch elusive packages
From morning until night.
To celebrate the day, the WORSE
OF all the cranks will meet
IN council, at the West hotel
And Buell. take his seat,
While old st. April Fool will go
And sharpen up his AK,
For use at some far distant day,
Upon the Single Tax.
The statement has been mace by envlOus
rivals that all of the scenery carried by the
"Fabio Romauf' company is made OF polier
iron, to guard against its beng masticated by
the leading characters in the play.
In that organization known as the Ladies'
List circle Minneapolis has again proved
herSalf to be one of the most remarkable
cities in the world. All the people and all
the comic papers of all ages have continually
harped upon the one theme that ladies never
succeed as Listeners.
Since Rev. William Wilkinson has an
nounced that the downfall of Rome was due
wholly to the abolition of the single tax, the
public has hourly been expecting 9. j. buell.
TO put forth the doctrine that all the Sill ana
trouble OF the world exists because OF the
high tanf on apples III the Garden OF Eden.
The opinion seems general throughout the
city that The new club spoken OF by the
Evening Hyphen will, in reality. be a con-
solidation of the Woodpecker club, the Sons
of Rest the Ancient and Accepted ORDER OF
Hot and Dead Game Sports, the board OF
trade and the Presbyterian alliance.
The coopers in their fight for wages upon
which they can live, have reached q
point where they will do well TO consider
their steps. John Wall sounded note or
warning, as the reformers say, Yesterday
when he said tnat. unless the Hennepln shop
men were allowed TO supply their mill with
barrels the coopers would lose the support
of the public. The coopers will not be com
promising themselves by such proceeding
They have struck for 80 cents, and when
that price is secured the strike is supposed to
be over. Whatever mill is willing to pay
that price should be supplied with barrels
Causing trouble to one mill because others
do not accede to the just demands OF the
roopers would be an injustice. and would be
likely TO result in making enemies of those
millers who are friends to the coopers
Keeping men out until they get living wages
is an act of humanity and worthy OF support:
forcing Them TO stay out because all have not
get secured their demands smacks of coer-
cion, and will meet with disapprobation on
ali sides.
oils il was feared that the religious war was
over, for a time, at least; but after the devel'
opmentS of the past week, there need be no
fear that the public will go without its little
spectacle OF quiet grave ministers OF the
gospel exhibiting some signs of possessing
temper.
A. NJ. Bailey is taking too much upon his
little shoulders when he says, Whatever we
may do will not be made public The pub
flr0nph lnCOnl-
Portable way of finding out many things
which interested parties desire kept secret
Mr. Menage TO the contrary notwithstand-
ing, what troubles Minneapolis zeal estate
speculation just now is not the lack OF q
raise In prices. but a lack OF ability TO ralse
money.
The restaurant in the top of the Guaranty
Loan and Trust building will be failure.
Minneapolis cannot stand such high living.
Moreover facilities will be lacking for the
display OF bill of shellfish, meats, buildings
and q dirty -aproned young man baking cakes
in full view of the public.
This is the one day of all the year which,
according TO an ancient and tlme-honored
custom, is set aside for the exclusive benefit
of fools, or that portion of them whose fool
ishness is of the obtrusive kind. History
has never stated whether the day belongs 10
that species of the human race which is on
and otherwise, or whether it is the exclusive
property of the players of jokes; but in the
light of nineteenth century culture it is quite
generally conceded that the player, Of The
joke is the fool. This being the case, the ex-
citable citizen is earnestly solicited to con-
troll himself. Gentle reader, when some
budding American humorist to-day gives you
Il toy TO examine, and sharp needle
penetrates the feshy part of your thumb,
don't seem to notice 1t. Then you Will have
the joke on him. When that bright and
Bcinlillating genius pins card, bearing the
inscription "Kick me-" upon your back 90
not turn and kick him. Leave him alone.
A building will fall on him some day. Don't
pick up pocketbooks and money OH the
street, there is liable to be a string on them,
and such articles do not remain in exposed
places in good faith. Don't kick old hats,
for we should always treat the aged with re-
man who regards not the food he eats will
one day eat q snake and have tape worm.
Don't do anything but mind your own bust.
ness: IL is safest. And as last general rule
of conduct for to-day, when you are made
the victim of an April fool joke look pleas
ant ana don't swear. Then the perpetrator
will think he has done something funny, will
repeat the performance and become corpse
and his blood will not be upon your head.
Reformed Retrenchment," especially In q
matter like the emergency fund, is apparently
good thing. Not for the taxpayers, but for
the departments which are apt TO oVerrun
their appropriations.
'Surely this family have the marks Of Cain
upon them" is the way the journal describes
couple of prisoners who were sent to the
Workhouse yesterday. Perhaps the brilliant
sentence is getting ready for barn -storming
expedition.
Why doesn't the high exalted fakir Of the
Ctor road tho now huidiDU ordinance hnfOre
he takes half column to describe the $500
900 club house? Hereafter buildings over
100 feet high are tabooed in Minneapolis,
and Star fakes must be kept within ten lines.
Is it true that the secret session of the COM
mittees on ways and means and taxes OF the
city council held yesterday decided upon an
increase of 40 per cent in the already bur-
densome taxes?
The board of trade, after an undue amount
Of exertion. managed to call together twelve
good men and true of its number yesterday,
for the transaction of business. IL the fall
ing off continues. the body will either be
obliged to consolidate with the w. G. It. q.
or Single-Tax league in order to get quorum
together, or form an armed committee to go
and press members into the service. 1t is
understood that at its next meeting the body
will take up for consideration an indorse-
ment of the Declaration Of Independence to
be followed the week after by a paper cen
surfing the acts of one Benedict Arnold.
Other prominent national affairs will follow
in order.
II there are any facts in regard to the early
history of Vermont tn at the historians of
that fsr-Easern state have forgotten, it is
safe to say that they can receive reliable in
formation concerning them by addressing
Gen. L. A. Grant, president Of the Mime
apolis Vermont association. He has them all
at his fingers ends, and is never at loss for
data. The association could not have Sc
lected better man TO fill the position.
It's pity that the managers Of the Wash