Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-11-23

with kerosine oil, opened all the dranghts
and let her hum. Then We approached the
turkey.
"Maude," said /, ''this bird is all right
except his complexion. He has dark, dis
sipated look which don't like"
'Jt's because he hasn't been shaved, I"
Maude said. 1.-THE little feathers haysto be
cut of close to his skin"
THEY SHAVED THE TURKEY.
"Don't they burn 'em of? I've heard
about singeing fowl. OF course they do.
Just lift of that stove lid and we'll improve
his personal appearance in hurry"
Maude lifted the lid, and column Of
fame rose half way up the ceiling.
you'll burn him all up if you put him
in there, cried Maude, and she hastily re-
placed the cover.
eve never can serve him up with those
whiskeTs on him." said /, looking ruefully
at the turkey. 81 guess we'll have to come
back to your original suggestion and shave
him."
While Maude prepared some bread crumbs
for "stuffing," 1 got out my razor and tried
to scrape the turkey into shape. But he
didn't take kindly to dry shave. 1 had to
lather him. 1 felt SO much like barber
while 1 was engaged in this process and the
poor turkey looked so human and wretched
that l got TO talking to him. called him
Julius Caesar and asked him his opinion on
various topics-the tariff, the weather, and
the condition of trade. Afterwards l in
quired whether he would have bay rum or
''tonic"; and then gave him wet sham
poo in large pan, and called "nextF
These trifing pleasantries put Maude in
good humor, and she said that cooking was
good deal easier than she had supposed.
RAMMED THE LOAD DOWN.
We encountered some difficulties in stuff
ing the turkey, owing to our inexperience,
but with the aid of the rolling-pin as a RAM
rod l at length succeeded in concealing the
bread crumbs which Maude had prepared.
Then we sewed him air tight with a darning
needle. After these formalities put ulius
on his back in a pan; poured some water
over him, peppered and salted him, and
offered him such other delicate attentions as
were suggested by recollectlons of my grand
mother in the old Thanksgiving and Christ
mas times down East.
We had conducted these operations in the
dining room because it was large enough
for two people to move about in without
knocking each other down. 1 now raised
the bier of Julius and bore him towards the
kitchen. But the stove mad been busy dur
Ing my absence. 1t was absolutely redhot
in every part, and the paint on the opposite
wall was beginning to blister. When I put
nv head into the room my hair curled up.
l stopped so suddenly that Maude ran vio-
lently against me and bumbed her nose on
my shoulder blade. She screamed, and
dropped Julius on the floor.
A VERY WARM PLACE.
I consoled Maude for her mishap, and by
that time the open door had cooled the
! kitchen so much that 1 could get inside and
pick up Juliu!, but neither Maude nor
dared approach the stove near enough tc
open the oven. 1 lost nearly all of my
moustache in various reckless attempts
Finally got the blower and poker from the
parlor CRATE, and by holding the blower be.
fore my face like an old Romans shield
managed to get near enough to open the
oven door with the poker. Then by the
same tactics 1 slid the corpse of Julius into
his crematory and shut him up.
There's one good thing about fire like
that" said I, with the air of a ten-thousand'