Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-02-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

= Right around the waist.-Boston
Herald.
Is the woman who goes to church to
exhibit her sealskin sacque-religious?-
Rome Sentinel.
Laughter may be the poor mans
plaster, but it is not very adhesive.
Philadelphia Press.
Honesty is doubtless the best policy,
but it seems to have expired long ago.
Laurence american.
The serpent was the most subtle of
all the beasts of the field, but the army
trader is sutler.-B0St071 Transcript.
While the English drum beat is heard
around the world the American dead
beat isn't far behind.-TerGs Sifti1agS.
Women rarely are great inventors,
though they are often the first to dis
cover new Wrinkles.-Ierre Hdute En-
press.
When you truly and deyotedly love
girl who is as rich as she is pretty
it's hard to take no for an answer
Epoch.
Its wise joke that knows it's own
father after the religious papers have
quoted it once or twice SOnaerUiLte
Journal.
Some women like whispered tale of
love, but belle prefers a declaration
made in ringing tones. = Baltimore
american.
When a woman loves a man she goes
the whole hog, even to the wart on his
nose. 1t isn't this way with man.
PHILADELPHIA Inquirer.
1t is very strange that among those
who set themselves up as great guns
the ones of the smallest caliber are the
biggest bores.-BOStOn Transcript.
What is sweeter than to have a
friend you can trust?" asked Sawkins.
ITO have friend who will trust you,"
replied Observation-Disclosures Times.
Minnie-''And you say you shed no
tears at the play last night? l did. I
was so affected Mamie-'O, of
course. You always are."-Terre HasSte
Express.
It's concentration of thought that
tells in our daily endeavor. Just watch
the face of the small boy when he is
taking aim at a tramp cat.-PI5iLGdeL-
rb5G Inquirer.
Jaggs did you swear off the 1stP'
Baggs We'll, [ did, you know, and
this time it goes" Come in and have
fhia Inquirer.
First Man (excitedly)-"Our board
ing-house is afre" Second Man
Calmly Come, then, hurry up, and
perhaps we may be able to get some
thing hot. "-Jury.
Bloodgood = Travis dresses well.
doesn't he? [ wonder what gives such
tone to his costume?n De Smith-"It
must be his trousers. They are always
loud. Burlington Free Press.
Suitor = Il love your youngest
daughter, sir" er-"Umph! I
suppose you've heard that [ have
settled dowry on my eldest daughter?"
Suitor-"In that case, sir, love her."
Epoch.
In the mission class: Teacher
'Can you tell me anything about the
man who went down from Jericho and
fell among thievesP" The New Boy
(tentativdy)-'.Wuz it McGintyP" :
Boston Times.
Mr.. N. Peck (slapping his pocket)-
Here's nice state of affairs!' Wick
wire What's the matter? Forget
your pocketbook?" Mr.. n. Peck
Eyes; forgot to leave it at home."-
Ierre Haatte Express.
Young Setfast-"Had a veal advent
ure the other day, Miss Sharpleigh.
Went fishing and a gweat bwute of
farm dog made me stay with him thwee
hours" Miss Sharpleigh-''Poor old
doggie. Drabe'S Magazime.
An enthusiastic exchange refers to
the dresses of some actresses as ''per-
feet poems. 1t would be nearer the
mark to call them epigrams; because
well, there isn't much to an epigram,
you know" Philadelphia Press.
Mabel-"Hal, dear, what makes YOU
always call me your little lamb?" Hal
-"BecauSe you always return to the
fold, " and he opened his arms with an
expectant and satisfied look upon his
smiling face.-kearney Enterprise,
Arthur Gust beginning his French)
Papa, is the French word for money
of the feminine or masculine gender?"
Feminine, of course" "Why,
papaP" Because, haven't you heard
that money talksP" Citizen.
Mother-''You don't seem tired, Jen-
ME, for young lady who attended a
dancing party last nightP" Jennie
1T was plumbers ball, you know, and
everything went so slowly that one
could not get tired. Boston Herald.
Inquisitive Citizen = What's the
matter with the man? Been run over
by railroad train?" Ambulance Sur
geon = Worse than that. He was
caught among the women in bargain
rush at Sellers" = Philadelphia IN
Qu5rer.
Belinda Dearest, what was the real
reason of your marrying me?" AL
phonzo-'1 think it was because l I'M
derstood you. And what was the rea-
son of your marrying me?" Belinda
Il think it was because l did not I'M
derstand you. America.
Physician (to Mrs. Col Blood of
Kentucky How did your husband
pass the night. Mrs. Blood?" Mrs.
Blood-''He seemed quite comfortable,
sir, and asked for water several times. :"
Physician with grave look)-''H'm
still fiighty. boston Beacon.
Mrs. Al think Mrs. Smiths death
is such sad one. My heart fairly
aches for Mr.. Smith," Mrs. B.-,'YeS,
and the poor little children. 1t is a
terrible visitation. Win you be at the
funeral?" Mrs. 40, yes Mrs.
B.-''What are you going to wear?"- =