The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-10-03
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-Giles-"What does Brown do with
all tho money he makes in that
scheme?" Merritt-"Loses it in an
other scheme. "-Harpers Bazaar.
The Qualification First Tradesman
Ills he gentleman" Second Trades
man-"Well, suppose so. He doesn't
pay his debts until you make him do
."-Munsey's Weekly.
Contributor u have an article
ing, which /" Editor Eagerly
Yes, sir, we'll examine it with pleas
ure. Yankee Blade.
I've have decided that baby looks
like Uncle Joseph said tho happy
mamma. "Why, Joseph Harris is as
ugly as a mud fence" Eyes, but he is
worth 50, 900. 600. IN. Y. Sun.
Particular Citizen--"These new red
stamps are not as adhesive as they
ought to be-" Postal OlIicial-"I guess
you never tried carrying sheetof them
in your pocket on a hot day. IN. Y.
Weekly.
-Sho-'George, dear, what do you
think our happiness is chiefly depend
ent upor?" He las his arm steals about
her willowy aist)-"Upon our sur
roundings, sweet" - Burlington Free
Press.
II suppose, Somberlin, that you
often entertain your friends by reading
your jokes to them" Friends? Alas,
I have none. They all left me when
took to writing jokes. Blade.
.1r;. Il
Gill, of Salt Lake City, found SIS gold
piece in the crop of q chicken she was
dressing for dinner" Larkin-"Now
look out for an English syndicate to buy
up all the chickens in the country
N. Y. Sun.
We notice that the number Of
female cashiers in large establishments
is greatly on the increase. We suppose
the explanation of this is that they are
either more honest than men. or else
they can't run so fast.-Ram's Horn.
New Assistant-"Wot fer We always
give that there woman full weight"
Iceman-"Cause she amt respectable"
Assistant-"Ehw Iceman-"She's one
O. tn low down kind that 'ud grab up a
light weight lump an run right out
inter tn public street, an make US
weigh it over agin. Good News.
-Loiterar lat railway station why
does that boy set up yell every time a
locomotive whistle blows?" Small Boy
Hos tryin' ter see if he's got voice
enough to drown tn noise OF tn en-
CINE" Loiterer-"What for?" Small
Boy-"He wants ter find out if he's
adapted fer selling papers. IN. Y.
Weekly.
--He-"How have you been enjoying
yourself, Miss EsmerelGa?" She-"E
have never enjoyed myself so much as at
this very moment. It's so delightful to
DO alone, absolutely alone, in perfect
mentioned this little conversation to his
friends, and now they call him Perfect
Solitude. Texas Siftings.
But, Tom, dear, where is the big
trout you said you caught?" "Oh, that
one! Why-yes, of course we'll, took
that trout, and it looked SO good /
cooked it and ate it on the spot. And
speaking of eating, Maude. l wish you'd
hurry up that dinner. / haven't had a
mouthful all day" And then Maude for
the first time doubted her husbands
veracity. --Harper's Bazar.
The following advertisement Is
taken from the Liverpool Daily Post:
WILL THE LADY WE iRING SPECTA.
w Giles, who on Thursday evening the 7th
inst. drove "a dark pony and four.wheeled
phaeton with groom behind, along lakewood
Road, and I'M URED A VALUABLE SADDLE
HORSE by not taking her side OF the road
kindly GET A BETTER PAIR OF GLASSES
and TAKE DRIVING LESSONS before she
ventures out AMIN