Morning journal and courier., 1890-09-10
SKELETONS.

Mrs. Bunting-What does your husband think of the warm weather. Mrs. Larkin- He often applies heated term to it.-The Sun.
 An indignant professor of anatomy in New York denies that there is a skeleton in every closet-he has pawned his Texas Siftings.
 Teacher in etymology-Give the deriva- ton of the word restaurant" Hungry boy-Res, a thing; taurus, a bull-a bully thing.-Philadelph Society.
 Exasperated judge whose patience has been sorely tried by both the plaintiff and defendant-"My chief regret is that I can't decide against both sides. ."-Texas Siftings.
 Young Wife (to her husband who is starting for the autumn encampment)- But you will be careful, dear Carl, won't you, and march very slowlyi-Fliegende Blatter.
 Mrs. Wickwire-If you go first you will wait for me on the other shore, won't you, deari Mir. Wickwire-I suppose so. l never went anywhere yet without having to wait for you.--Terre Haute Express. |. Wonder Why.-Johnson-So people are continually wanting to know the why and wherefore of everything. They are not content to accept facts as they find them. Jackson-Yes, you're right. I wonder why it isl-Puck.
 Catskill boarding house mistress-How do you like that water, Mir. York; Mir. York-It has milky taste to me. | Boarding house mistress-Excuse me, Mir York; that is the milk you are tasting. Try the glass to the left.-Yonkers States | man.
 s'That is remarkable autograph, con- sidering that you have no arms," said Silas, after having given the freak twenty | five cents for his signature. "Yes," said the freak, '1 am very much pleased with it myself. The boy that writes em for me does a great deal better than the one used to have."-Harper's Bazaar.
 "Begob, but I've got the best of that murtherin' railroad this time, annyhow, , said Hibernian who had grudge against the company in question. ''How is that Dennis?" asked bystander. ''Pve bought return ticket and I'm not coming back al all, at all!" was the triumphant reply Boston Commercial Bulletin.
 Doctors Differ-Iady-Yo gay, Profes
 sor, that tobacco is an aid to thought anl
 stimulant to the reasoning faculties; bu
 Professor Greathead says that tobacco i | III every way I1OW uO you JIG
 count for that difference? The Professo
 Easily enough, madam. Professor Great
 head does not smoke, and consequently h
 can neither think straight nor reason COT rectly.--New York Weekly.
 Out on foul.-C. Lerque-Please, sir
 may go to the ball game this afternoon Employer-Sorry; I'd like to let you you're so startlingly honest about it; bu I've really got to go to my fathers bona
 fide funeral to-day. And the phenomens
 youth, who didn't care cent for bas ball, and had only tried the new dodge
 get chance to take his best girl riding swore he'd never again be so familiar wit anything that sounded like the truth Munsey's Weekly.
 s The Dog and the Sage.-A Dog wa :. Barking at the Moon when Sage inquire why he did so, adding that he could nc Possibly affect the great Luminary or o way or the other, and that it seemed l. Useless Waste of Energy. "Oh, it isn :, that it makes any difference with u Moon," replied the canine, ''but want u
 Other Dogs in this Neighborhood to kno
 that I'm not Dead" Moral: We new l. Know that some men. have been Buried u y til after We Miss their Bluster. .-Detrc d Free Press.