Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-08-07
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
The Latest Spicy News and Comments
From a Valued Contemporary-A Back
ward Spring but Business Is Good

II "A T. *.
The Latest Spicy News and Comments
/ From Valued Contemporary-A Back
ward Spring but Business Is Good.
| The following article from the last issue
of the Arizona Kicker" are reprinted
from the columns of the Detroit Free
Pree Press of Sunday:
\ Surprised Man: Last week we had
a friendly criticism on Jim Taylor, who
keeps the whisky ranch at the other end
of the bridge. We stated that his den wa
probably the nearest imitation of Hades
to be found on earth. and that he peopl
OF this section were not doing their duty
IN allowing Jim to consume so much oxy-
gen and hydrogen. 1t was intended as a
pleasant little caution to Jim to set his
shanty on fire and 60 hence, but he didn t
take it that way. On Wednesday of this
week he came over to take our scalp. He
didn't drop hint as to his intentions,
but when we caught sight of him a block
off we knew by the jerk of his eyebrows
that he meant US
If Mr.. Taylor expects to make sue
cess in life he must carefully observe two
or three things. Don pull your gun too
quick. Don't shoot before you get ready
Don yell when you Shoot as it only rat
ties your own nerve. He opened on us
at distance of 200 feet, which was 100
feet too much. He was in too great a
hurry to take aim, and his bullets were
wasted. His wells took away his breath.
When he had fired six bullets at US we
closed in, put him on his back, and made
him holler about sixty seconds. The
look of surprise and establishment on his
face as he found himself licked was a
laughable sight. The boys put him in an
empty barrel and rolled him around until
he.was thoroughly weary, and yesterday he
was chased. out of his dive and departed
for the mountains.
1t Didn't Fail: Last Saturday the
Granite Hills Savings Bank, of this town,
failed to open its doors, and a notice was
posted up to that effect that it would open
in about week and pay at least so cents
on the dollar. The boys got together about
10 o'clock and Mr.. Duggan, the president,
was invited to explain matters. He said
he hadn t time just then, but after rope
had been passed over his neck he explain
ed that the failure had been caused by
over confidence in silver mine investments.
The boys doubted this, and Mr. Duggan
was taken to the bank and compelled to
show his books and his cash. After figur-
ing for about two hours committee found
that there was money enough to pay every
depos1tor 81 Al on the dollar and it was
accordingly passed out and the bank
wound up in ship-shape fashion. 1t was
no failure, but simply going out of bust
ness. Mr.. Duggan had calculated on
little scoop, but the boys got ahead of him
He left town on foot, carrying a spare
paper collar in his hind pocket, and he
will probably look for some hay-seed town
in which to begin life anew. We have a
failure here in trade now and then, but
we permit no bank to fail unless all de-
posltors are first paid in full
For Other Fields: Ex-Judge Jim Har-
rison, who has been a familiar figure on
our streets for the last year. and who was
supposed to be retired -four merchant
from Minnesota, out here to cure his
asthma, is with us no more. He departed
yesterday in charge of a detective, and
will bring up at Joliet as the end of his
Journey
Judge Jim objected to the course of the
s. Kicker. y He didn't like us one bit, and
when he saw us walking to the front he
felt it personal hit at himself. He threw
out his hints that we were trying to run
the town, but that he would make US chew
cactus before he was done with US. One
day two weeks ago he tried to force us
into personal quarrel, and we learned
afterwrd that he had a Derringer in his
pants pocket and snapped it at US, but it
failed to go off.
Believing that we could run the town
better than the judge we began hunting
up his pedigree, and in the course of a
week discovered that he was an escaped
gentleman" from state prison. BE went
away saying that he owed us one. but as
he has seven years to serve we sham begin
to worry for some time yet.
Still Harping: Our jealous minded
contemporary Is still giving himself away
in every issue of his poor old senile sheet,
and such subscribers as he has take it for
the sole object of seeing what he says
about US. The hair that broke the camel's
back was our private graveyard. When
we went to an expense of $50 to remove
the seven todies to nice little plat of
ground, and to identify each grave with
a nice head board, his gall bursted. He
had no private graveyard. He went out
to shoot somebody, but was knocked into
the sand and his gun confscated. He
hasn't the nerve to even throw mud at an
Indian
Poor old man! Poor old contemporary!
Your sun went down kerchuck when 1.-The
Kicker" was established, and you have
been crawling IN the moonlight ever since.
Blow away if it does your soul good. It
doesn't hurt us any, and but for this es-
cape valve you might take rat poison or