, 1890-07-06

comatose condition and dropped into a
troubled sleep.
Il had to respond to a toast also. !
said: Mr.. President and gentlemen, /
am honored by being the repository OF
your crude Yictuals tonight. and am now
asked to make q bright speech as a par
tial recompense therefor. l did not wish
to come, as l told your honorable body.
for both her royal symmetry and myself
were fatigued, having visited the jail and
other thriving industries of the place.
We had addressed the primary schools
n seen your growing brick yard, spent
an hour at your great central hello office,
visited you principal job printing estab-
lishments and spent 4 few hours at the
round house. So we were exhausted and
really needed rest more than we did TO
mix in the great vortex of society.
I'VE came TO this country for rest
mostly, and not to be fawned over and
fed, or to sit up late at nights and eat
caraway seed cookies on an empty stom
ach. OF course society has its claims on
us and we will not ignore them; but / am
after these few little remarks that ] still
owe you something, although l did not
eat any prunes and my cracked wheat
is lust as good as ever 1t was.
In closing, however, let me say that
| have a cigar with me, 30 that you will
not be out on that, and rather than ex
tend my remarks any further l will
leave my cheese also. The duchess has
not touched her pap, and so if you will
call it square | will now close
The duke then took the arm OF his
high bred consort and moseyed out Of
the room, to use his own words: 'Of
course, =" says he, II ought not to expect
too much of the provincial people one
finds both IN Canada and the United
States, but If one is going to entertain
n should have some crude ideas about
entertainment, at least they should be
cordial, even il they have nothing but
macadamized pie and soft shell dough-
nuts.
Il do pot go in for good v~ictusls alone.
for | can rough it very well. but the host
L hate is the one, don't you know. that
asks me to his house because | am a
duke. Such a host has no more idea of
hospitality than a Congo debutante has
of Delsarte. | don't mind a little that is
crude. very crude in fact, il 1t is a well
come, but If it's Just a h%ippodrome. with
duke in the middle aud ginger ale on the
side, l ask TO be excused.
There are too many such folks, not
only in the western hemisphere, but in
England also. Look at the way Stanley
Is paying for his ~provender. He already
wishes he was back in the deepest jungle
Of Africa. with a jug OF spoopju and the
silence of the forest. He says that Africa
is at times socially dull, but he don't
have to ait up like a spitz dog and speak
before he can get his cookie. He says
l that 49, - IL -.---- Al MI
Continent are extremely informal, aud
that a few bonmots addressed to the
principal wives OF the host, a compli-
of her surcingle, then a good bye at the
door to the daughter as he pulls with her
the wishbone of a missionary, then out
into the tropical night, and the exercises
-Itseems odd to him, | judge, to re-
turn and be made much of by a great
many people who desire only to get to
tue front, as you say, by barking be-
tween his roars. Meantime Hanks
v~ictuals don't agree with him, and it
keeps him all bet up trying to think of
new pieces to speak. The papers print
what he says, and other explorers keep a
scrap book and compare notes, and really
there's nothing in it, don't you know.
People with titles and people OF prom
inence are often good at heart, but silly
and selfish people, with oily words and
each his little AZ to grind. have ground
and bore on and rode on these folks till
they go about concealinR their real senti-
ments from all but their wives, and wish
ing they could get among q troupe OF
well fed cannibals for a dew months just
tor a change"
The duke was greatly pleased with the
general growth Of America, and spoke
especially of New York, Boston, Phila-
delphia, Chicago and San Francisco, of
which cities he seemed TO have quite a
general idea.
New York" said he, has arrived at
that verv advanced stage OF development
when shel ..criticises herself so severely
that she doesn't leave anything else for
her neighbors to say. She is a superior
city with an inferior government The
bare mention of politics makes her best
citizens fairly gag, and the men who
write the best articles on the importance
Of a wise ballot themselves forget to vote.
New York is full of hogs who will
partially disappear, with more room on
the streets and better and more rapid
transit.
Boston is unrufied, quite English,
eats good v~ictuals, takes plenty OF time
to do it, drinks good rum-frst buying q
biscuit to eat with it. don't you know,
and atterward turning it in and getting
credit for it on the drink, 40 that another
man can use it later on. Boston is a good
place to live in, and an Englishman does
not feel quite so put about and hustled
end knocked down and dragged out, you
see, as he does in New York.
philadelphia is like the gentle odor of
tansy and dill on a quiet Sabbath morn
ing. She is so demure, and so touchful
and so prim that she reminds me of a
sweet young widow | once took on a straw
ride when l was a young man. She had
lost her husband by death only a few
months before. He had been sitting in a
third story window, as it was In the prime
of summer time, and doing a little CHR
opodiZing on his own hook, when he lost
his balance and fell to the pavement be-
low, where he and his corn persisted to.
gether. She had his features gathered up
and sadly laid away. to be more carefully
~rearranged on the resurrection day by
more competent hands. On the straw
ride | was at first afraid to converse with
her on current topics for fear of touching
her great grief, but ere we got home she
had MIXED a strange cow, smoked n
cigar, stolen eight watermelons, and put q
split stick on the tail OF the bull dog that
was left to guard the same.
Chicago is a great town and has so ar
ranged it that you can't houorably cross
the continent without stopping in to see
her. She does not need anybody's sym :
pathy in the worlds fair matter, and
| hasn't aaEad for ~ not The hAtala -