Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1890-01-24
THAT WAGON OF OURS"

| had been in the place about two years
when it happened. Ii was good place
with Cartwright 4 Co, dealers in wagons
and agricultural implements. Ny employ
ers were straightforward men, and treated
their clerks with consideration, but, from
the start, l made up my mind that
wouldn't permanently stick to the business
The fact is, my father and grandfather had
both been doctors, and the love of healing
was in the blood, so A doctor / was deter
mined 10 be just as soon as | could save
money enough for college expenses. There
was nobody dependent on Inc, and when a
fellow has his eye set singly on one goal
he is capable of n good many personal
sacrifices to speed the running. At the
time / speak of had five hundred dollars
in bank, and was beginning to think-to
use bit of slang-that would .'get
there" after a while.
One dav, Just about dinner time, a
mighty alert and masterful fellow, with a
red mustache and eyes like "A hawk, came
into our place. aud wanted to look at a
wagon. We showed what we had i'll stock,
and he poked and tapped and asked ones
tions about hubs and axles as knowing as a
farmer. Next day he came again, and he
and Mr.. Cartwright worked to terms for Il
good two horse wagon, about the best we
had in stock The fellow was a. smart as
a steel trap-which farmers arc usually
not-and I couldn't help enjoying the
neatness with which he fetched our 'boss
down to the lowest possible notch. 1t was
funny, for Cartwright was accounted a
shrewd hand at a bargain.
The wagon was to 60 to a young woman
in the country, mt all events, To single
woman, for the address the fellow gave me
started with Miss" The rest of it got
mixed, through my carelessness, they said
afterward, and came out differently from
what was intended. certainly set down
the address as it sounded to me, and the
afternoon of the day ON which it was
bought started the wagon on its travels.
When week had passed, in bounced
the red mustached fellow again, in ter
rible temper wanting to know why in
thunder that wagon had never been
shipped"
Mr.. Cartwright called me up, as | gener-
ally attended to the shipment of goods,
and for a minnie or two we had it back
wardand forward pretty lively. The
wagon had not put in an appearance Mt
the place where it was due, and the lady,
after waiting and hoping for n season, had
written to inquire the cause of the delay.
The fellow with the red IhuStache at first
was mad enough to lay for gore, but he
cooled down after a bit, and we proceeded
to locate the blunder. In about tw"
minutes we found it. He had told me send
that wagon of ours to "Miss M. \. g.
Vernon Tarleton," and ! had misunder-
stood him clear through, and shipped the
thing to Miss Mensie Vane, Tatters.'
When read this precious address out,
Cartwright, who is u jovial man, laughed
right ont, and SO did the other fellow, in
spite of being aggravated.
"Where the devil is 'Tatters,' Mr..
JonesFe my employer demanded.
''God knowsw piously responded, feel
ing pretty snre that the matter was beyond
human ken.
'You'd better pray for revelation
double-qnick, then" Mr.. Cartwright brisk
ly announced. Tint wagon of ours cost
sixty five dollars, and if you don't track it
up and reship it inside of fortnight, you'll
have it to pay for. | can't have my goods,
or my credit either, go to 'Tatters' through
another mans laundering"
The pun was execrable, but it enabled
Cartwright to end his sentence in pleas
antcr tone than he commenced it. There
is something genial in pun, and the
worse it is the better hnmor it puts the
man in who makes it.
For the next lew days | had about as
much wagon on hand as if | were conduct
ing an emigrant train i'll the good old days
of wagon supremacy. I breakiasted, ,dined,
aud supped with my mind hitched to that
internal vehicle, dragging it,or rather being
dragged by it, from mountains to seaboard
and back again. 1t was my daily thought,
my nightly dream. | gridironed the State
with telegrams | haunted the depots AID
cross examined the train-men until they
could have gnaShed their teeth with I'M
patience at my persecution of them. At
last / got hold of the conductor OF the
freight train which had carried the
abominable thing away. From MN l
learned that the wagon had gone from one
end of his route to the other and found no
stopping place, and that he, supposng
that "Tatters" must be on some other line,
had left it i'll the Central Depot to be trans
ferred lie regarded me steadfastly as he
made this statement, and remarked at it's
close that he had never heard of any place
called "Tatters" in his born days. Was
positive that there was any such place in
Virginia.
Of course / was not positive, and | told
him So Indeed, doubts as to whether
there were such a place in America, OF in
the world, constantly obtruded themselves.
For nearly ten days this "Tatters' had de-
fed my best efforts at discovery, and it
might, and in all probability would, re-
main terra incognita to the end of time.
THAT'S bad show for your wagon" 3"
the conductor observed.
And I agreed with him.
That fellow with the red mustachc was
nearly the death of me. If | heard the
word irdGoR repeated onco l heard it, on
an average, fifty times a day until long
ed fiercely to expunge it from all spoken
languages. Should the thing ever be re
covered, felt that the first use to which
it might legitimately be put would be that
of hauling me to an asylum. / was sorry
for that young woman in the country, too,
waiting for her wagon, like the chorus i'll
the old song. | knew, of course, that il
that vehicle should not turn up, | would
have to pay for it. The blunder had been
of my making and must be OF my mending.
But couldn't be satisfied to let the matter
rest that way. Sixty-fyc dollars is good
lump of money to be docked from clerk )
salary; and besides, it looked ridiculous
that as big thing Us two-horse wagon
could not be traced
Matters were in this fix when an old
chum of mine n man ! had not seen for
months, came to town. lie had been for
years a drummer for q big dry goods house,
but had recently been taken into partner