West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-08-21
Bill Nye ON Pythianism.

knights and gives his version of the
story of the two friends, Damon and
Pythias, and the tyrant, Dionysius,
rs follows:
Damon and Pythias were named
after a popular secret organization,
because they were solid on each 9TH
er. They thought moro of one an
other than anybody. They borrow
ed chewing tobacco and were always
sociable and pleasant. They slept
together and unltedly "stood off"
the landlady from month to month
in the most cheerful and harmoni-
GUS manner. If Pythias snored in
the night like the blast of n fog horn.
Damon would not get mad and
kick him in the stomach, us somo
would do. He gently and firmly
took him by the nose and lifted him
up and down to the merry rhyme
Of the "Babies on our Block. ="
They loved one another in season
and out Of season. Their affection
was like the soft bloom Of Wyom-
ing legislature. 1t never grew pale
or wilted. 1t was always there. If
Damon was at the bat, Pythias was
on deck. If Damon went to u
church fair and invited starvation,
Pythias would go too, and vote for
the handsomest lady till the First
National Bank Of Syracuse refused
to honor his checks. But one day
Damon got the bulge and told the
venerable and colossal old hummer
OF Syracuse what he thought Of him.
Then Dionysius told the chief Of the
sausage grinder to turn on the steam
and prepare for business. But Da-
mon thought of Pythias, and how
Pythias hadn't so much to live for
as he had, and he made compro-
mise by Offering TO put Pythias to
soak while the genuine Damon went
to see his girl, who lived in Albany.
Three days were given him to get
around and redeem Pythias, and
if he failed his friend would go to
protest. We will now suppose three
days have elapsed since the proceed
ing chapter. A large party of en-
thusiastic citizens of Syracuse are
IN the grand stand and Pythias is
on the platform, cheerfnlly taking
off his coat. Near by stands q man
with broad axe. The Syracuse
silver cornet band has just played
cts Funny When You Feel That
Way" and the chaplain has made
a long prayer, Pythias sliding a
trade dollar into his hand and whis-
pering to him to give him his mon
ey's worth. The Declaration Of
Independence has just been read
and the man on the left is running
his thumb playfully over tho edge
Of the meat axe.
Pythias takes off his collar and
his tie, swearing softly TO himself
at his miserable luck. II is the
proper time TO throw in the solita-
ry horseman. The horizontal bars
Of golden light from the setting sun
| CLEAN and glitter from the dome OF
the court house and bathe the green
plains Of Syracuse with merry splen-
dor, the bilIowy piles Of heecy bronze
in the eastern sky look soft and
yielding like Sarah Bernhardt.
The solitfy borseman is seen conf
ing along the Albany and Syracuse
toll road. lie jabs the Mexican
spurs into the foamy flank Of the
noble cayuse plug, and the lash Of
the whip, as he moves through the
air singing a merry song. Damon
has been delayed by road agents and
washOuts, and he is a little behind
time. Besides, be fooled a little
too long and dallied in Albany with
his fair gazelle. But he is making
time now, and he sails into the yard
just IN time to take his seat. Ic
and Pythio3 fall into each others
arms, borrow q chew Of fine cut from
each other and weep to slow music.
Dionysius comes before tho curtain,
bows and says the exercises will be
postponed. lie orders the band 10
play something soothing, gives IA
mon the appointment Of supcrinten-
dent Of public instruction, and
Pythias the post office, and cvcry-
thing is lovely Orchestra plays
something touching. and the curtain