davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-07-10
THE JOKE MARKET.
In Most Lines the Supply Exceeds tho
Demand Considerably.


Demand Considerably.
The strawberry joke is coming on
The market in small lots. First-rate
strawberry jokes, like the bottom of
the strawberry-boxes, come high. We
quote gilt-cdged, $1.5O to S.; fair to
prime, so to $l.25.
Ice-cream jokes are more expensive
than they were last year-75 cents each
for fair; shelf-worn ice-cream jokes and
those saved over from last season are
unstable. Ice-cream jokes with tyro-
toxicon attachments command slight
advance on quoted figures.
There is no demand for mother-in-
law jokes and their manufacture has
ceased at the regular joke factories.
Amateurs just starting in business pro-
duce few, but there is no market for
them.
Jokes about irate fathers setting the
bulldog on unwelcome callers upon
their daughters are occasionally pro-
duced but the demand for them is quite
small.
{ Soda-water jokes of the drugstore,
wink brand are reappearing in the mar
ket. There are no fresh ones, however,
the specimens being those left over
from last season. Strictly fresh soda.
water quips would meet with a ready
sale, but the supply of this grade is
short.
Jokes on lecturers and tragedians and
the reception they meet with at the
hands of discriminative audiences are
eggspensive, if fresh laid, say S1,50 to
81 per pair.
Church-fair oyster jokes Il out of sea-
son.
Plumber and coal-deal humor is out
of the market, and ice-man fun has
taken its place. The high price of ice
threatens to run values of this class of
humor up to an exorbitant point. There
is not much on the market as yet, hold
ers seemingly waiting for higher prices.
Humor about the apothecary who mis-
takes morphine for quinine is drug on
the market.
Jokes about millinery bills are al
ways seasonable, though there is gen.
orally boom from just before Easter
until the summer is fairly here. Like
the fair consumers of the millinery, this
brand of humor is very dear.
Sealskin jokes are now put away in
camphor for the summer.
Servant-girl jokes, like servant-girls,
come high, but we must have them.
We quote A No. at S. per dozen.
Fun about sprir poetry is somewhat
frayed at the edges. The subject is too
serious for proper humorous treatment
Good efforts command from 81 to Sl.37H
each, according to quality.
Jokes about Philadelphia are slow.
Spring-chicken jokes are tough.
The new extradition treaty with En-
gland has spoiled the market for cashier
gone-to-Canada fun. We understand that
large dealers were caught with quite a
supply on hand. and which were thus
rendered valueless.
Baby Mckee jokes go of very slowly
now, at cents per 100.
The latest style of Jokes include the
Chicago Worlds Fair, the phonogrsph,
and death by electrocutiou as a means
of prolonging life.
ChestnGts ars unstable. We quote 5
cents per Cal .aad as ! nominal fi-u-s
Pittsburgh Chronicle
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-07-10

about me, she finished by explaining:
on, Miss Smith, do wish you'd marry
brother Bert, he's such foolv
These last three words being sisterly
euphemism for confirmed inebriate. !"
Rut I could not espouse brother Bert
for delirium tremens secured him before
did.
ssThen there was David Archer; his
wife and l we're very dear friends, and
lust before her second child was born,
when she was very low-spirited and
miserable, she sent for me, and when |
arrived she said: L have one earnest
request to make to you, Helen. and L
want you to promise to carry it out;
when 1 die l want you to take
nv little Nellie, and the coming baby,
too II il lives, and then, after year
or so, l want you to marry Dave. Hes
a little bit disposed to be wild, but with
a firm hand to guide him, Ike ,
he viii be all right. Do promise,
81 managed to avoid giving pr
but / need not have been 50 scruI
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-07-10
FULFILLED ITS MISSION,
MISS Sylith's Article Wins Prize
in a Peculiar Manner.
Ellen SMITH

Ellen SMITH
was only too
we'll aware that
money was not
a drug in any
m a r k Q t with
which her fam
lily had deal
| n G s. H @ r
branch of the
great S m i t h
f a m i l y was
small and strict
ly fe nine, con-
siStinp of her
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-07-10

Mrs. ISABELLA BIRD BISHOP has OBJ
tanned from the Maharaiah of Kashmir
the grant of piece OF land on which to
build hospital Of sixty beds. and =
dispensary for women.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-07-10

Mrs. HANNAH WHITAIL SMITHS
''Christian Secret of Happy Life" has
Leen translated into the Swedish Ian
guage by Mrs. Princell. the wife of
Lutheran minister of Boston.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
SHE ADMIRED HER BEAUTY.
Return of an Insult by a Graceful Conpli-
ment.
From the New York Telegram.

From the New York Telegram.
a young girl, beautiful in form, fea-
ture and dress, sat in a car. Directly
opposite sat poor girl of about the
same age, shabbily clothed, with a
shambling body, slightly deformed as
to the shoulders, and an exceedingly
plain face, which bore the lines of suf-
fering and want. Her eager eyes were
fixed on the face and figure opposite her
with devouring, pathetic look that
showed how keenly alive she was to
the exceeding beauty of a beautiful
body.
The object of the gaze began to grow
uneasy under its intensity and fixity,
and finally, looking the girl coldly in
the face, she leaned partly across the
car and said:
"Well, Miss Impertinence, if you
have looked at me long enough will
you be kind enough to look somewhere
else? l am tired ofit.n
The poor girl grew first red and then
white. A look Of keen pain came into
her eyes, and then tears, as she turned
away and said softly:
II was only thinking how beautiful
you are"
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
How New York is DeIraudcd.
lErom the Atlanta Journal. |

From the Atlanta Journal.J
The present acting superintendent
has written to Mayor. Grant refusing to
order a recount for New York city,
though officially Informed that the CEN
sus Just taken by the municipa authori-
ties contaius 100000 more names than
tie Federal census.
The injustice of this refusal is made
more manifest by the fact that recounts
had been allowed in a number of cities
that had not furnished such strong
proof of the imperfectness of the Porter
ceGsus as New York had shown. 1t Is
emphasized too, by the fact that in
nearly every instance in which re-
count had been allowed the result had
been an addition to the Federal census.
But New York isa strong Democrat
ic city, and it is impossible to suppress
the conviction that the refusal to cor
rect its census is due to party consider
ations. The addition of 100000 to its
population would giveit another Demo-
cratic Congressman, and Increase its
representation in the State Legislature
under the new State apportionment.
A pa " perpetrating such an outrage
as this-depriviug 100000 people of
their representation in Congress and
the State Legislatures a delectable
party to accuse others of depriving peo-
pie of their elective or representative
rights.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
Senator Brown.

From the Birmingham Age-Herald.]
The Senator has been one Of those
strong American characters, typical OF
the century of the country's existence.
Like Jackson, Lincoln, Andrew john
son and others of the nations distin-
guished men, he rose by dint of strong
character and native intellect, despite
Il total lack Of advantages in early
youth.
There are many things in Senator
Browns public life that might afford
his enemies ground for adverse criti-
cism, but no one can deny that he has
in his day been al eminently strong
man and remarkably successful one.
There have been few men who remain
ed so long in public life as be has done,
who can say as he does, that they never
met defeat before the people; and this
is the more remarkable when we con-
slider the many eminent GeoEglaas
with whom the senator has measured
lances.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
All Watches CoInpaSses.

A writer in the London Truth says:
A few days ago I Was standing by
an American gentleman, when I ex-
pressed a wish to know which point
was north. He at once pulled out his
watch, looked at it, and pointed to the
north. I asked him whether he had
compass attached to his watch. GAIL
Watches" he replied, "are compasses."
Then be explained to me how this was.
Point the hour to the sun and the
south is exactly half way between the
hour and the figure XII on the watch.
For instance, suppose that it is 4
o'clock. Point the hand indicating 4
to the sun and II on the watch is eS-
actly south. Supposethat it is s O'Clock.
My American friend was quite sur
prised that T did not know this.
Thinking that very possibly I was ig-
norant of thing that every one else
knew, and happening to meet Mr..
Stanley, asked that eminent traveller
whether he was aware of this simple
mode of discovering the points of the
compass. He said that he had never
heard of it. I presume, therefore, that
the world is in the same state of igno-
rance. Amalf is proud Of having
been the home of the inventor of the
compass. I do not know what town
boasts of my American friend as cit
iznn
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
Good Results of Farmers Alliances.
[Washine,on GLADDEN. in the Novem-
Der Forum.

GWashina.O on GLADDEN. in the NOvem-
Der Forum
How long the farmers will hold to-
gether in their alliances is difficult to
predict. 1t may be that the discus
sions in which they must take part
will show them that some OF the mea-
sures of direct relief on which they are
chiefly depending are impracticable;
and it is conceivable that this discov-
cry will tend to demoralize them. That
they can become a permanent political
force is not likely, for parties which re-
present only classes cannot live in
republic. But several results, by no
means undesirable, may be looked for
as the outcome of this farmers up
rising.
I. They will secure q thorough dis
cussion of some important economical
questions. They will force the people
to consider carefully the problem of the
state ownership Of the great public
highways. Ifthe farmers can stick to-
eether and stick to their text long
enough to get this business thoroughly
ventilated they will do good service.
II. They are loosenlng the bands of
partisanship and opening the way for
a rational cooperation Of citizens for
all desirable purposes. 1t is not JIM
probable that it will lead to a recons-
truction of parties.
III. They are helping to make an
end of the sectionalism which has been
a large part Of the capital ofa certain
class of politicians. "Scarcely vestige,"
they say, "of the old sectional prejudice
of few years ago is now visible within
their ranks" The South and the West
are coming into fraternal relations,
The demagogue politician who now
attempts to array sectional prejudice in
order that he may keep farmers equally
divided on important questions, IS
admonished that he is about to con-
front "a superior Intelligence that will
soon convince him that his occupation
is gone" The farmers movement is
not, probably, the deluge, but it will
prove to be something ola shoWer-in
some quarters, cyclone-and it will
clear the atmosphere.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
The Discouraged Farmer.
flames Whitcomb Riley.

flames Whitcomb Riley.] ~.
The summer winds is snifin' round
the bloomin' locus trees;
And the clover in the pastur' is big
day for the bees,
And they been a-swingin' honey, above
board and on the sly,
Till they stutter in their buzZin', and
stagger as they fly.
The flicker on the fence rail pears to
jest spit on his wings
And the hoss fly is a-whettin' up his
fore legs for biz,
And the off mare is a-switchin' all Of
her tail, they is!
You can hear the blackbirds jawiu' as
they foller up the plow-
Oh, they're bound to get their break
fast, and they're not a-carin' how;
So they quarrel in the furries, and they
quarrel on the wing .-.
But they are peaceabler in pot pies than
any other thing;
And it's when I get my shotgun
drawed up IN steddy rest,
She's as full of tribbelation as yaller
Jackets nest;
And a few shots before dinner, when
the suns a-shinin' right,
Seem to kinder sorto sharpen up tel-
ler's appetite
They's been 4 heap O rain, but the
suns out to-day,
And the clouds of the wet spell is all
cleared away,
And the woods is all the greener, and
the grass is greener still ;.
It may rain again to-morry, but don't
think it will.
Some say the crops is ruined, and the
corn's drowned out,
And propha-sy the wheat will be a
failure without doubt;
But the kind Providence that has
failed US yet,
Will be on hand onc't more at the
Eleventh hour, bet!
Does the medder lark complain, as he
swims high and dry
Through the waves of the wind and
the blue of the sky?
Does the quail set up and whistle in a
disappointed way,
row all the day?
is the CulpnuchS HedlLu d-Idli1u
Does he, walk er koes he run ?
Don't the ouzzards ooze around up
thare jest like they've allus done?
Is there anything the matter with
roostec's lungs er voice?
Ort a mortal be complainin' when
dumb animals rejoice?
Then let US, one and all, be contented
with our lot
The June is here this morning, and the
sun is shinin' hot.
Oh let us fill our hearts up with the
glory OF the day.
And Danish ev;ry doubt and care and
sorrow far away
Whatever be your station, with Prov
idence for guide.
Such fine circumstances ort to make us
satisfied,
For the world is full OF roses, and the
roses full of dew,
And tie dew is full of heavenly love
that drips for ME and you.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
The Mortgased West.
Daniel r. Goodloe, in the November
Forum.

The Western States have given more
attention to the collection of statistics
Of mortgages than other parts of the
country. The subject is of great and
growing interest, and it is we'll worth
the careful examination of statisticians
and statesmen.
Ohio is the oldest of the Northwest
ern States. The State bureau OF statis-
tics reported, for the year 1888, 29l, $40
mortgages upon real estate, and the
amount for which the land is mort
gagged is S33O,999,00O. The assessed
value of real estate was 81 ,220, 252, 900;
the mortgage Indebtedness, therefore,
was, within fraction, one-third the
value OF the whole real estate Of Ohio.
The aggregate mortgage indebted
ness of the people of Indiana is at least
S2G, $1,000.
The total number of real estate mort
cages in Illinois, in 1857, apart from
city lots, was 92,77777, for an amount OF
Sl42, 100000, the overdue interest
amounted to S4,919,75t, and the total
Indebtedness Of the farmers, therefore,
was Sl47, ,32O, ,O0G. The number of acres
mortgaged was S,0S2, 794, and the rate
of interest was about 6! per cent. But
of course the interest nominated in
the bond" was not all. The interest,
in one form or another, will rarely fall
below 10 per cent.
The annual report of the Michigan
labor bureau for 1883 shows the follow
ing results: The total number of farms
in the State was 9O,6O3, of which 43,07e
were mortgaged, their assessed value
being S79, $4,000, and the mortgage in
debtedness S37,456,000. The rate oi
interest was - per cent, and the ac'
crued interest was s., 701 900. The pei
centage of mortgages to the assessed
value Of the mortgaged lands was 1853
The number of mortgage foreclosures
during the year was 1867, and the
number of fredemptions 13l. The num-
Der of sales under execution was PA
and the number of redemptions was So
There are said to be 100000 farms in
Kansas; and Oh this basis the editor oi
the Topeka "Advocate" concludes that
the total mortgage Indebtedness Of the
State, among the farmers, is s146,56a,'
900. The report adds: "a great many
have had to borrow interest from the
banks, and others have not paid inter
est for two years."
The virgin soil of the West is rapidly
ceasing to be the home and the posses
sion of the sturdy American freeman
1t is related by John Randolph, Of Roa
noke, that when visiting neighborins
planter, some seventy years ago, he
found his female hostess surrounded BY
her female servants, making clothing
for the Greeks who were struggling fo]
liberty and independence. But while
taking leave, he observed troop O
ragged slaves approaching the house
and turning, he said to the lady, MA
dam, the Greeks are at your door,
And now to America, all aglow with
sympathy for the Irish in their strug
gle for liberty, it may be said, MADAM
Ireland is at your door,"
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
Fruits Of Prohibition in Boston.
rErom the Boston Herald. /


More people are brought into the
police stations entirely unconscious
from the drinking of liquor than was
the case some years ago, and more OF
them die while in that condition. The
police lay it entirely to the quality OF
the liquor drunk, and say the cause is
the result of high license and II o'clock
closing. On account of the high tax
for selling intoxicants, dealers are
tempted to sell manufactured" liquor
so as to make big profit, and, on the
other hand, those who drink liquor are
very apt to buy bottle Of stug when
the saloons close up at II o'clock, so
that they can continue their spree.
Others purchase by the bottle because
it is cheaper than by the drink, and,
having it with them, are tempted to
drink three times the amount they
otherwise would were they to go from
soloon to saloon and purchase it by the
glass.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly for Nov
eInber, 1890.

A splendidly illustrated paper Of
Henry NJ. Stanley: his Career and
Achievement" by George c. Hurlbut,
Secretary of the American Geographi-
cal Society, makes Frank Lesiie's
Popular Monthly for November an
exceptionally interesting number. For
a graphic review Of Stanley's eventful
career, and the Emin relief expedition
in particular, from an American stand
point, Mr.. Hurlburt's article surpasses
anything that has as yet appeared on
this fascinating topic of the day. In
the same number Felix Oldboy pro-
pounds and answers the question,
"Who was Charlotte Temple?" bring
ing forward some hypothese and Teve-
lations which will startle the thousands
of romance-lovers who have strewn
flowers on the mysterious grave in the
Trinity Church-yard, New York city.
There are illustrated articles on: "Bue-
nos Ayres," by John Stanley; "Coon-
hunting in South Carolina" by Il. NJ.
Howard; "Great Pahchluinkah, the
Western Niagara by W. D. Lyman;
''Some Copts in Old Cairo" Second
paper, by A. L. Rawson; "The En-
press Theodore" by A. C. Townsend;
"a Vermont Island and its inhabit-
ants" By Nelly Hart Woodworth; and
a History of History of Human Habi-
tations," by Maria F. Valette. The
half-dozen short stories are varied and
interesting, and the poems "fit though
few Among the art illustrations is
a beautiful portrait of Dorothy Tenant,
the English bride Of Henry NJ. stanly.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06

nor" aud "SellOrH represent IN soliIe
sort our bonorific term "Esqulre, "
without in any way corresponding to It's
special significance, which as we have
pointed out, is vague rather than pre-
else. In those countries there are two
sorts of title, besides those indicative OF
military, naval, ecclesiastical, ana
academical rank; that is to say, titles
of nobility, which include the particle
"Van." ."''Di," or "De," as the case may
be. an official titles, such as Mr..
Privy-Upper-Consistorial-Councllior'
"Ir. Castle Captain-and Chamber
Gentleman" or "Mr. Preaching Office
-Candate-and- -Co-Rector.' In Prussia,
more particularly, titles of this latter
category are cumulative; for example:
"Mr. Pensioned-G -Government-Chan
ry-Clerk- of the-Reserve," "
and "N1r. Country-District-Tribunal-
Councillor Captain on the Retired
List'-and are assumed by the wives
and relicts of their proud possessors, as
in the cases of "Mrs. Railway-Statlon-
INSPECTOR and "Mrs. Widowed-Deca-
pitator." It is de riqueur in addressing
any of the these dignitaries by letter
or word of mouth to give him the full
benefit of his many-jointed predicates,
which are every one of them genuine
articles of their kind, by no means
fantastically compounded, but culled
from authentic announcements pub
lished in the columns OF Berlin news
papers.
Such honorific designations areas
absurd in their way as our shadowy and
unjustitiable "Esquire," but, having
some sort of official reality behind them,
of which our titular annex is forlorn,
they do not give rise to controversy OF
dispute, such as occurred the day be-
fore yesterday between the Clerk OF the
Chelsea Vestry and the Chairman OF
the bench Of magistrates sitting IN
petty sessions at kensington, to whose
scrutiny the special jury lists were
submitted as prescribed by law. 1t was
the opinion of the presiding Justice
that the special jurymen ought not to
be described as "plain Messieurs," but
as ''Esquires," from whose ranks-held
by his worship to include bankers,
merchants, and professional mem
that particular variety of juror ought
to be selected, in order "to assist the
Judges of the land in the trial of civil
actions between liege subjects Of her
Majesty" According to the Festry
Clerk, a different view Of the matter
is entertained by the present Attorney
General and the magistrate of a
very, gentlemanly London parish-St.
Hanover square, The lists,
bowlsser, were directed to be revised in
accordance with the opinion entertained
by the Eensingtou bench, which would
hence appear to have arrogated to itself
the right OF deciding who is and who
is not an esquire in the eyes Of the
law.
The issue thus raised is a curious one.
We wonder W hether the legal advisers
of the Crown wilfdeem it worth their
while to settle it one way or another.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06
The Time to Marry.
From the London Woman.


Early last week all was going merrily
at very interesting wedding in the
town of Petaluma until the bridegroom
was called upon to produce the wed.
ding ring. In vain he felt in his trou-
sers pocket for the missing trifie. No.
thing could be found except a hole,
through which the ring had evidently
fallen into the high boot which is ef'
fecied by young men of that country,
What was he to do!
Take your boot off" said the parson'
The suspense and silence were pain.
full. The organist, at the priests bid.
ding, struck up "voluntary." The
young man, sitting on the altar rails
removed his boot. The ring was found
also hole in the stocking, which led
the worthy divine to remark -
."Young man, it's time you were
married"
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1890-11-06

The quality of the blood depends
much upon good or bad digestion ana
assimilation. To make the blood rich
in life and strengthening constituents
Use DR.. J. H. McLean's Sarsaparilla.
1t will nourish the properties of the
blood, from which the elements of vi
tality are drawn.