The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1890-04-27
SOME ALLEGED HUM0R.
Scraps of Dialogue Stolen from
Writers Who Thought They
We're Funny.
safe for the Night.

The Winter Palace, ten p. m.
The Czar:-"Have you looked well I'M
der the pedovitchs"
The Czarina:-"Y
The Czar:-sAnd in the cloSets?
The Czarina:-'Yes, DEAR
The Czar:-'Then give me my steel
linen nightgown. set the man trapsky,
give me the duuble-barrelled pistiloyitch
and turn the gas off. | shall seek pleas
dreams wherein / may see that black
and-tanavitch rascal, Georgeoff KEENAN,
ski, breathing the sweet air of the Kara
prison. Up ittsbltTg Bulletin
The Tatnl Period.
Editor to printer;-"You've ruined me.
In describing the great bail, wrote that
the famous lecturer on dress wore moth
ing that was remarkable. You've
printed it:-"Mrs. b. wore nothing.
That was remarkable. " Get your money
of the cashier and go. We've no use for
a man ike you around here..-Ltfe.
A Truce to Roasting.
Peter Quinee:-aMy fathers richer'n
your'n.n
Johnny Doolittle:-"No he hain't.
We got mortgage on our house"
"Humph! My mothers got guitar in
her head
"Our baby's got the skollit fever"
Your pop gits drunk"
He kin lick your pop, ennyhow''
But you kant lick me; Pm bigger'n
you"
"Humphl Mepbe kant, but l kin
wiggle my nose
oh, WELL Who said you couldn'ts
Let's go fishin'n
Let's. "-Drakes Magazine
Memories of the Past
BIunderby:-"Are you fond of
waltzing, Miss Oldnoysn
Miss Oldboy:-''Yes, indeed, Mr..
Blunderby, just love it,
Blunderby (wishing TO be compliment
ary);-"So do |. Particularly with you.
IL awakens many fond memories"
Miss Oldboy;-"Of what, prayY
Blunderby:-"You dance as nv
mother used to, when was boy. "--Life.
At the breakfast Table.
Tommy (studyiEg his lesson):-'.I say,
pa, where does the Oshkosh rise and into
what does it emptys"
Pa:-''I don't know, my son.
Tommy:-HYou don't know, Ell? And
tomorrow the teacher will lick me ON
account Of your Ignorance. u--Teras SIT
iltgs.
LOT III Down TO Fine Point.
Jones (to new office boy):-'Bob. take
this letter around to Mr.. Smith. If be
isn't in leave it in his office where it win
attract his attention as soon as he comes
back. 1t IS very important"
Jones (tifteen minutes later):--"Bob,
did you deliver that letter to Mr.. Smiths''
Bob:-''Naw; he wasn't in an nobody
else was in der Office
it's S9nss'7 "sn' what did you DO with
Bob:-.'You tol' me to put it where he'd
notice it first thing he comes in an
stuck pin Trough it am laid on his
chair, SOS to attract his attention. ~
The Racket.
Papa's Wise Counsel
Little Boy wrestling with lesson Oh
Neutrality-suspicious., what's volts'
Papa (stumped); Unlock in tn,
dictionary
Little Boy (hunting il up and read
ing):-"Volt-Ihe ante Of electro motive
force. One volt viii force one ampere Of
current through one ohm of resistance
WHAT'S an anlpere, papaY"
Papa with emotion): -"L Look in the die
tiouary."
Little Boy latter nt):-"Amper,
The unite of strength of the curren
iCA 1e|NCt4NA+ Aeo value - Lnes y
fluid which flows per second through on
ohm or resistance when impelled by on
volt. Papa what's ohm means"
Papa (wildly);-Look in the diction
ary."
Little Boy latter search):-" Ohm
The unit of resistance represented by TIL
resistance through which one anpere 0
current will flow at pressure of on
volt Papa, what"
Papa (desperately):-"Lo in the die
tionary. When you want to know any
thing always LOOK in the dictionary, an,
then you'll remember it"
Two of a Kind.
Where's papa. JohnnyS"
'He's upstairs, asleep"
Were you upstairs, dear!"
"No, ma'am."
"Then how do you know he's asleepgv
81 heard him doing it. He's sleeping
out loud. "--Jatdge.
willing to Apply the Check.
YoNKERs, n. Y, Feb. 1, ls90-Hiran
Fire. Jr., Yale College Son:-
am grieved to learn that you are fallini
into careless habits. ] trust you will pu
a check to loose behavior Your affection
ate father. II Fire.
New Haven. Conn, FEB. 3, 1890. --Dea
Father:-Send check. Il shall be apple
as you wish. Your affeoiionHte son
Hi 1fltnsey's Weckty