The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1890-01-04
d AT w MEN \ tJAN nc. I.
q H.ome Times They Gan Perform Much
Better Than Men. y.

1
Ss Oh. YES, und oubtedly there are things
that q woman can do better than man
They may be small matters, bu5 they
exist, and a woman can readily beat a
man doing them, and she should have
the credit of it.
In the first place, she can wear a
Detticoat, and not take it up on her
heels when she walks, and we doubt if
Wisest man living can ACCOMPLISH that
little feat even alter good many times
irving.
She can look as sweet as sugar when
she feels cross enough to behead some
body.
She can be such excellent friends with
a rival, and help to do up her back hair,
when she hates her SO that she would
be clad if she caught the small pox and
got her face carved into the semblance
of a Chinese cabinet.
She can scold better than any man
living. She can think of more aggra
waiting things to say in one hour than
= man, no matter how many colleges be
has graduated from, and how many die
tionarles he has dlgested, can think Of
in six months.
She can cry, when she can not gain
her point any other way, and it is pretty
tough work for the average man to cry,
and not make mess OF 1T.
She can spank baby better than a
man. She feels that it is her right to do
it, and man always goes about it as it
he was ashamed of it, and as if he didn't
know exactly where to begin or who're
TO leave off.
She can drive hens out of the garden
i'm half the time it will take man to do
it. It is no use to swear at mems. They
do not understand profanity, but the
swish of a skirt, aud the flourish of a
sun~bonnet, are arguments they can Lot
Withstand.
a woman can find something to talk
about when man would he dead broke
for topic.
She can manage to keep you waiting
while she gets ready to go somewhere
longer than five men could, unless they
were youths in the clutches of first
love, and who had to struggle with re-
Eractory neck-tie,.
A woman can get more bundles to-
gether in half DAYS shopping than a
man can carry, and she Can buy goods
ten per cent. cheaper than he can, be !
cause, in the first place, she always
asks every body what they paid for
every thing, and is thoroughly posted
on prices; and, in the second place, she
has the infinite patience to stand and
talk to the clerks. and wheedle, and !
coax, and bargain, until, In the sheer
desperation Of utter soul WEAKNESS, |
they take off two cents yard, and
think themselves lucky to escape so
well
A woman can be patient when the
fire doesn't burn. She can look serene |
when the coffee won't settle. She can
refrain from mentioning the Evil One
when the bread is heavy She can con.
troll herself, and not 60 into spasms, II |
her collar is not ironed to suit her.
She doesn't go to Europe, or take to
drink, when Tom ''goes back" on her.
She does a more sensible thing. She
accepts Dick. and shows Tom that she
didn't care a fig Tor him.
Women are the best part of creation.
We ali know that. The other sex may |
ridicule them all they please, but they
wouldn't have women abolished for the
world There would be nobody to sew
on buttons. Nobody to find fault with.
Nobody to raise mustaches for. No
Doay 60 feel an interest in your cold,
and to put catnip pouitices on you when
YOU had the toothache. Nobody to buy
ice cream for. Nobody to love. Nobody
to hug. Nobody to kiss, tor it is a spec
tacle to make angels weep to see one
man kiss another.
And so, in spite Of the fact that wo-
men are the weaker sex, let us have
women right along, because there are
things that they can do better than
men.