The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1890-09-04
HIS welded WIFE.

shakespeare says SOmoUnlnS aDOuU
worms, or it may be giants or
beetles, turning if you tread on them
too severely. The safest plan is
never to tread on a worm-not even
on the last new subaltern from home,
with his buttons hardly out of their
tissue paper and the red of sappy
English beef in his cheeks. This is
the story of the worm that turned.
For the sake of brevity we will call
Henry Augustus Ramsay Faizanne
''The Worm, " although he really was
an exceedingly pretty boy, withouta
hair on his face and with waist like
a girls, when he came out to the
Second "Shikarris and was made I'M
happy in several ways. The Shikar-
ris" are a high caste regiment, and
you must be able to do things we'll
play a banjo, or,ride more than lit.
tie, or sing, or act--to get on to
them.
The Worm did nothing except fall
off his pony and knock chips out of
gate posts with his trap. Even that
became monotonous after time.
He objected to whist, cut the cloth
at billiards, sang out of tune, kept
very much to himself and wrote to
his mamma aud sisters at home.
-Four OF these five things were vices
which the ''Shikarris'' objected to
and set themselves to radicate.
Every one knows how subalterns are.
by brother subalterns, softened and
not permitted to be ferocious. It is
good and wholesome and does no
one any harm unless tempers are
lost; and then there is trouble.
There was a man once-but that is
another st ~ry.
The ''Shikarris" shikarred The
Worm very much, and he bore every
thing without winking. He was SO
good and SO anxious to- learn, and
flushed SO pink that his educa ton
was cut short and he was left to his
own devices by every one except the
senior subaltern, who continued. to
make life burden to The Worm.
The senior subaltern meant no harm.
but his chaff was coarse, and he
didn't quite understand where to
stop. He had been waiting too
. long for his company, aud that al
ways sours a man. Also, he was in
love, which made him worse.
One day, after hehad borrowed The
Worms trap for o lady who never
existed, had used himself all the aft
ernoon, had sent a note to The
Worm, purporting to come from the
lady, and was telling the mess all
about it, The Worm rose in his place
and said, in his quiet, lady like voice:
SThat Was'a very pretty sell; but III
lay you a months pay to months
pay when you get your step
that I work a sell on you that
you'll remember the rest of your
days, and the regiment after YOU
when you're dead or broke" The
worm wasn't angry in the least, and
the rest Of the mess shouted. Then
the senior subaltern looked at The
Worm from the boots upward and
down again and said: "Done, Baby"
The Worm took the rest of the mess
to witness that the bet had been TAX
en- and retired into book with a
sweet smile
Two months passed and the senior
subaltern still educnted The Worm,
who began to move about a little
more as the hot weathegacame on. I
1--we said that Che seA 5r subaltern
in love. .she curious thing is
tlht a girl was ii love with the SEMI
Oil subaltern. Though the colonel
s'hd awful things, and the majors
sTorted, and the married captains
looked unutterable wisdom, and the
juniors scoffed, those two were en-
gagged.
The senior subaltern was so pleased