The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1890-10-08
NOSES.
AN ORATORS BRILLIANT REPLY
TO AN INQUISITivE LADY.
How the Size Of the Nose Influences One
Mans Opinion of Anothsr-As Object
Of soiicituds to Authors-An iiiustr"-

woman, 'sdo understand you to say that
YOU have never seen an ugly member Of my
sexy' "such was my assertion replied
the lecturer. "Then, SIR" asked the lady
dedantly. 'what do you call ME-" "Nou,
madam" was the gallant answer, "are an
angel fallen from heaven. only you nave
fallen on YOUR nose.- The diplomacy Of the
reply was worthy Of Talleyrand, tor, not
witnstandiLg she deprecated her own
looks. IL IL hardly likely the fair questioner
would have relished another deliberately
agreeing that she was ugly. All the same,
says a writer in the London standard, the
believer in feminine loneliness distinctly
scored. That the nose IL most Important
as regards ones personal APP
pearance is undenisbe, and the lot Of those
individuals who through misfortune have
been deprived Of their nasal organ, or VINO
can only show an imperfect specimen OF
the same, must always command
sympathy. Fortunately, there IL no
reason to suppose this is ever with
held. for as there IL such delight-
nll variety in noses, the opportunity OF
exercising the virtue Is practically I'M
limited. Thus Jones, whose nose is so con-
temptibIv small that he bushes for very
shame each time he beh0lds 1t in the look
ng-glass-Jones feels warm glow OF pity,
not wholly unmIXed with self-congratula-
ton. thrill through his frame as he gazes
upon the features Of smith, who "has got
no nose at all, you know; absolutely no nose
at ALL" Then Brown, whose nasal organ
though an uncOmprOmlsing snuD-is GER
tajnly much larger than JOnes's, holds the
same generous sentiment towards that gen
tleman. Robinson, too, with his still more
imposing nose. sOrrowfully regards Brown
while Lord TOmnoddy looks down on all, III
the kindly, dignifed manner which the pos
session Of an irreprOachably arlstOcfauc
Roman nose entities him to assume.
With novelties. and more especially with
lady nOVeists, the shape OF the Oliactory
organs of their herOines is an object OF con-
slant and loving solicitude. The maiden
..divirely tall and fair, from out whose
violet ewes the light OF love shines forth
serenely," can never be portrayed as having
aught but Grecian nose OF the most per
feet type: nor would the ''laughing.eyed
damsel, whose curly tresses covered hef
brow in luXurant proiusion,' be consiGer'
ed complete without the nez retr0usse
which is the time-hOn0red accompaniment
of such attractive features. Then, there
is the "cold, calm, aristocratic matron,
who freezes one with glance and
who invariably owns ''tnely-cut' nose
of immaculate outline, and so on, adj
minimum. Male characters suller likewise,
and from Lord Y, with his grandly de-
yeloped nasal organ, down to Moses Aaron,
the Jew villain, who must periOrce nave a
hooked ditto. we are introduced to an end
lpss variety Of nOses-snub-nOse, pump
handle-nose, brOken-n0se, and dr0p-nOse,
not forgetting the nose which eYinces a
tendency 10 explore the stomach Of its pos
SCISSOR by way of his or her mouth. Large
noses have always held the reputation oil
denOting genius, energy, ana aDiilty 10 COM
II and i'm their fortunate owners. W neither
this is so NAV or may not be true, but Ger
tain il is that Wellington, Shakespeare,
Milton. Raphael, Marlborough, and many
other famous men have been blessed with a
ull snare Of this important member,
still i'm this case. where the superiority OF
large noses is alleged, there Is decided
similitude to all others wherein the greater
DEVELOPMENT of any special organ Is sup
posed 10 carry with II special virtues, VIZ.
isolated examples are taken Ofdistlnguished
,,ersons who exhibit the particular charac-
teristic in question. and a theory Is then
built ND from such examples, which Is ami
able and comforting to those who possess
the feature, but VIII ch in no way makes the
theory matter Of fact. Ii Is eNtreInei!
nice for Stanza, who IS an amateur poet oil
the most weakly description, 10 gaze on the
profile OF Milton, and note mat IN the one
a,.aat and all-lmpOrtant matter OF nose, he
GS,anza) and the immortal blind song
ster are akin. Very pleasant i, is also
for CAPTAIN SnOoks OF the "Nlilishy' to OBJ
serve that the difference between his own
olfactOrv organ and the nose OF the Iron
Duke is practically nil. But If biased
public refuse to read Stanza's pOetlcal eiu-
sions. and an Indifferent country VIII not
allow the military tactics Of poor >nOoks 10
be- the equal of WeilingtOn's, the value Of
the resemblance is somewhat discounted.
one of the LATEST men, too, that we were
ever acquainted with possessed magnlll-
cent nose, and was never tired of descant-
ing upon the energy, uvacity and general
.gO-aheadedness' always exhibited by
large-nOsed people. Then he would borrow
a shilling and get drunk, but wOrk-never.
IL is hard, unbending facts such as these
which bring comfort to the hearts OF the
unfortunate ones who can only show ordi-
nary. commonplace organs OF smell, When
he behOlds the dismal failure Of some fellow
creature VINO started the battle Of life with
All the advantages real or imaginary-ac-
cruing 10 a fully-deyelOped Roman or aqui-
line nose. it is then that the man with the
INSIGNIFICANT snub nose takes courage.
Moving the amendment nj public meetings.
proposing tOasts at public dinners, exhibit
ing his argumentatiye powers, with q
don't Won contradict me, SIR sort
of air. which silences all opposition,
the snub-nOsed man rides rough shoe
10 victory. whilst he Of the Roman or
gan sits mute and leaten. The bottled
nose man is another who Is gener-
ally aggressiyely loquaci0us, though in
his case both the nose and the manner
would seem to owe their development and
ripeness 10 other causes than natural
growth. The bOttle-nOse Is mostly an en-
largement Of the ordinary plug-nOse,
although any kind Of nasal organ will ar.
rive at this particular kind Of perfection,
providing the owner serves a sufficiently
lengthy apprenticeship to the brandy bot
tie You cannot silence the pOssessOr OF a
genuine bottle-nose no matter how clinch-
ing may be your arguments, but it Is com
fOrting 10 know that, given enough liquor,
he will usually silence himself. This, how
ever, takes time, and ii is far better 10 re-
tire as gracefully as may be from the con-
test, for victory you can never hope 10 OBJ
tain.
While the habit Of drawing ones words
through the nose is merely an afeciatiOn on
the part Of some, with others it is an mfr
nifty, and drOll tale Is related 81 an as
piring author turning this aillicti0n in an
other to account. 1t was when NiilemOnt
was secretary to the Theatre Porte It. Mar
tin at Paris. a young man called to ascer-
tain the fate OF his piece, which looked so
formidable a roll of paper that the secre-
tary had not had the courage TO unite the
tape that bound it. at is not written IN "A
style to suit our theatre" was the answer;
lit is not bad but you must sccustom your
self to write as YOU speak" But if YOU
speak through the nOse:r was the retort.
This was reflection on NillemOnt's into
nation, which he resented by saying that
the play was deficient in interest" The
young man smiled, united the roll, and dis
played some quiries Of blank paperl The
secretary shook hands with the
applicant, invited him TO dinner. and helped
him TO successful debut at the Odeon.-
Commercial Advertiser.
WHAT A FAMILY COSTS.