Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-08-15
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Its Editor Continues to Do Business NJ
the Old Stand.

the Old stand. |
We extract the following items from
the last issue of the Arizona Kicker:
A SURPRISED MAN.-Last week we
had a friendly criticism on Jim Taylor,
Who keeps the whisky ranch at the
other end Of the bridge. We stated that
his den was probably the nearest imita-
tion OF Hades to be found ON earth, and
that tho people of this section were not
aeing their duty in allowing Jim to con-
sumo SO much oxygen and hydrogen.
1t was intended as pleasant little eau
tion to Jim to set his shanty on fire and
go hence, but he didn't take 1t that way.
On Wednesday of this week he came
over to take our scalp. He didn't drop
hint as to his inten atoms, but when we
caught sight of him block off we knew
by the jerk of his eyebrows that he
meant us.
If Mr.. Taylor expects to make sue
cess in life he must carefully observe
two or three things. Don't pull your
gun too quick. Don't shoot before you
getready. Don't yell when you shoot.
as it only rattles your own nerve. He
opened ON US at distance of 200 feet,
which was 1SG feet too much. He was
in too great a hurry to take aim, and his
bullets were wasted. His yells took
away his breath. When he had fired
six bullets at us we closed in, put him
on his back, and made him holler in
about sixty seconds. The look of sur
prise and astonishment on his face as
he found himself licked was laugha-
BILE sight. The boys put him in an
empty barrel and rolled him around un-
til he was thoroughly weary, and yester-
day he was chased out of his dive and
departed for the mountains.
IT DIDN'T FAIL.-Last Saturday the
Granite Hill Savings Bank, Of this town,
failed to open its doors, and notice
was posted up to the effect that it would
open in about week and pay at least
fifty cents on the dollar. The boys got
together about ten o'clock and Mr.. Dug.
gan, the president, was invited to ex.
plain matters He said he hadn't time
just then, but after rope had been
passed over his neck he explained that
the failure had been caused by over
confidence in silver mine investments
The boys doubted this, and Mr.. Duggan
was taken to the bank and compelled to
show his books and his cash. After
| figuring for about two hours q COM
mittee found that there was money
enough to pay every depositor $1.47 on
the dollar, and it was accordingly passed
out and the bank wound up in ship
shape fashion. 1t was no failure, but
simply going out Of business. Mr. Dug
gan had calculated on a little scoop, but
the boys got ahead of him. He left
town on foot, carrying a spare paper
collar in his hind pocket, and he will
probably look for some hay-seed town
in which to begin life anew We havea
failure here in trade now and then, but
we permit no bank to fail unless all de-
positors are first paid in full.
FoR OTHER FIELDs-Ex-Judge Jim
Harrison, who has been a ia miliar figure
ON our stree.s for the last year, and
who was supposed to be a retired flour
merchant from Minnesota, out here to
cure his asthma, is with us no more. He
departed yesterday in charge of de-
tective, and will bring up at Joliet as
the end of his journey.
Judge Jim objected to the course of the
Kicker. He didn't like us one bit, and
when he saw us walking to the front he
felt it personal hit at himself. He
threw out his hints that we were trying
to run the town, but that he would
make us chew cactus before he was
done with us. One day two weeks ago
he tried to force us into personal
quarrel, and we learned afterwards that
he had Decringer in his pants pocket
and snapped at us, but it failed to go off.
Believing that we could run the town
better than the Judge, we began hunt
ing up his pedigree, and in the course
of q week discovered that he was an
escaped gentleman" from State prison.
He went away saying that he owed us
one, but as he has seven years yet to
serve we shan't begin to worry for some
time yet.
STILL HARPING-Our jealous-minded
contemporary is still giving himself
, away in every issue of his poor old senile
sheet, and such subscribers as he has
take it for the sole object of seeing what
he says about US. The hair that broke
the camels back was our private grave
yard. When we went to an expense o.
$50 to remove the seven bodies to nict
| little plat Of ground, and to identif,
| each grave with nice head board, hi
gall bursted. He had no private grave
yard. He went out to shoot somebody
but was knocked into the sand and hi
gun conhscated. He hasn't the nerv,
3 to even throw mud at an Indian.
Poor old mani Poor old contempor
ary! Your sun went down kerchunl
when the Kicker was established, ant
you have been crawling in the moon
light ever since. Blow away if it doe
, your soul good 1t doesn't hurt us any
and but for this escape valve you nigh
take rat poison or roll into the river
. Detroit Free Press.