The Portland daily press., 1890-01-22
Nature In CONFUSION

Is terrific. Volcanic eruptions, cyclones, earth
quakes are awfully and tremendously picturesque
but scarcely desirable to emulate in action and
effect by the administration of remedies which
produce CONFUSION and agony in the abnormal
portion of the human frame. Such Is the effect of
the old fashioned violent purgatives happily fall
ing more and more into disuse, and of which Hos
letters Stomach Btters is the wholesome, pleas
ant far more effective succedaneum. They weak
ened the intestines-the bitters invigorates them.
They left the bowels inactive, because incapaci-
taied by ensuing feebleneSs. The Bittrrs, ON the
contrary anu because it enables, not forces, them
ates their activity and regularity, The liver is
penencially stimulated, as the kidneys also are,
malaria, nervousness aud rheumatism.
Stranger-Yours must be solemn life, sir. l
should think that your mind would be full Of lu-
gubrious thoughts.
Grave Digger Cunning over skull) Well, sir,
! must confess that 1 sometimes have grave
thoughts.-LawrenceA American.
Slush, dirt, wet feet; rheumatism and colds.
follow. Use JOhnson's AnOdyne Liniment freely
The Retort Courteous.
CoDjugal scene between Monsieur and Madame
| de BOndamaOusse
"Why," said the husband, "do you put the hair
OF aR9rhsr woman woman on your head?,. .,.
tne SKIN OF another calf on your hands OLA
Voltaire.
$1,000 REWARD
| is offered for better washing compound than
| Savena. Everybody likes Savens that tries it.
Just try one package yourself. useful present
| in every package.
POpiDiay-Bl0bson, if man should die from
chewing too much tobacco, what would be the
proper musical composition to perform at his.
| funeral?
Blvbson-A dirge?
Free Press.
With Ely's Cream Balm child can be treated
| with pain or dread and with perfect safety. Try
the remedy. 1t cures catarrh hay fever and colds
IN the head, IL is easny applied inlo the nostris
and gives relief with the first application. Price
soc.
Suitor-Perhaps, sir, you don't think Pm good
enough to marry your daughter?
Father-Perhaps don't.
| Suitor-Well, sir, Td have YOU know that I've
peen 1efuseu by some Of the finest young ladies In
| the land.-Time
A new idea embraced in Ely's Cream Balm.
Catarrh IS cured by cleansing and healing not by
crying up. III Is not liquid or snuff, butts easily
applied into the nostrils Its effect is magical and
a thorough thretment will cure the worst cases.
| Price 80 cents.
The little urchin who gave his teacher the fol-
| lowing warning Was about right, after all.
You have to be awful careful when you are
getting over the cold, or you will have collapse,
aud If you have collapse, you VIII get the am
| monia. "-L0well Courier.
keep reliable friend always on hand" such
DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup has always proven itself
| to be.
Don't!-If a dealer offers you bottle OF SALIVA
| tion Oil in mutilated or defaced package, don't
touch tit may be a worthless counterfeit.
Josh Billings's Philosophy.
WImmin hi natur are all coquets, and men bi
natur are all braggarts.
am satisfied that thar amt no SIGH thing az
eloquent words. EloqneKce lays in manner, and
| hav even seen n eloquent necktie.
| A man with a few brains IL like q dOrg with one
| feg-dredfui Uneasy.
hav alwuz not sed when an individual hain't
got u. ability tew critcise juuiciously, he dams
lndlskrimlnaIely.
Ambishun IL like hunger-it obeys no law but