The morning news., 1890-06-25
TAKING THE FINNs' CENSUS.
The Young Nan Got the Information
he Wanted, and Some Beside.
From the Netg York Sun.


From the Nel0 York Sun.
"I have come to take the census of the
family" said young man with portfolio
under mis- arm, when Mrs. Finn opened the
| door.
THE cinsus, is it." replied the woman in
puzzled tone. Then. remembering that it
would never do to confess ignorance, she
continued: 'Faix, there's ne'er a wan in
this house. I'm afther lindin' it TO Mrs
Mccarthy beyant But if had it here ye
wouldn't get it. Who sent We afther it,
anyhow, wild yer stovepipe hat and yer
airsP'
Excuse me, madam. You evidently do
not understand. | am an agent of the
United States government come to"
"An agint, is it, peddlin' Dukes. Faith.
man dear, have no time for parnin'. Wild
washin' and mendin' and milkin' the nanny
me time is gone intirely. | know ye poor
| divils has to live along wild the rest of us,
but if ye were to give me the buke free fur
| nothin' couldn't rade 1t, Pm that ignorant
o. 'nolledge."
Mrs. Finn stopped to take breath, and
the young man took advantage of the
break to drive a wedge of logic into the
| conversation.
Il simply want to know your christian
name, your name in full, and whether you
have an initial or middle name9 SAID he.
"Fwhat'S that! Ye want TO know me
christian namel Yerra, man, do you take
me fur a moon-eyed haythin blaggard!
| Dye think wu'd l have any other nor a chris
tian name in this blessed counthryi Goutl"
Mrs. Finn glared at the enumerator and
made step in his direction as he hastily
exclaimed:
Excuse me, but is your name
| Murphy, or McGuinness, or McFadden--"
fNEalfh 6 u cd RS
with scornful toss of her head; ''it's jest
| Finn. AS dacint name as iver a woman
| had, wild no Macs or O's TO it, like two
tails to goat. Biddy Finn, no more, no
less.
The enumerator made the first entry and
hurried onward with his questions. He
! thought at last he had got Mrs. Finn into
| an abbreviating mood:
Are you widow, Mrs. Finn?"
"a wlddy, is it, Begorra, hav' a man
| as ud make two like you, me laddy buck.
Ye may hav' the larnin', but he has the legs
and arrums, and a chist on him like the
round side of a barrel o. beern
| Mrs. Finn had been surprised into an ex-
plicit declaration, and the enumerator be-
gan to congratulate himself on an easy vic
tory over the loquacious woman. He con-
| tinued:
"Of what color is your husbandw'
"Shure | forget" meditatively replied
Mrs. Finn. "Troth, think he's the color
O. amy other Irishman. Sometimes when
! he does be comm home tired from the
| quarry he does be white as the wall wild the
wakeness on him from the hard work, poor
man. But whin he has the dhrop in him it
rises the blush in his chake like a red rose.
| l seen him turnin' all colors wild rage whin
the goat 'ud be atm the cabbidge Yed
think he'd be a Chinese or a nagur he'd be
that black in the face, and small blame to
1 fYtt- 70 a l.,
| cabbidge intirely, so they are, and not con-
| tint wild grass, which the same is tinder and
| juicy and makes the nanny give plinty o.
milk, glory be to the saintsl and whin the
cows milk is scarce the nanny's milk is
handy fur to be putin in the tay, so it's,
and if yell hold yer whist, me lad, I'll be
givin' ye sup O. the nanny's milk, SO l will,
that'll-"
"You are the mother of how many
childrenp broke in the young man upon
the smooth flow of Mrs. Finn1s monologue.
| This question but started her fuency in
another channel, and, hardly stopping to
catch her breath, she started in afresh.
"Well. there's Mickey. Divil finer lad
yell mate nor him, sir. It's handy he is at
learnin' thricks. Shure lasht night cotch
him smokin' his fathers pipe, he's that
handy, and he so young"
SIS Mickey the only child you have?"
''He is; God bless himi He had a little
sisther wanst that's up with st. Pether now
It's mighty quare about childer. sir. Some
O. thin I'll run around bare-legged wild
| nothin' on thin fur shelter from the wind
or the rain, and they'll be fat and impident,
so they will, like puck goat and divil's
the harrum I'll come to thin at all, at all.
And thin therell be others as'll be whlnin'
wild the could and crawln' under the sthove
to kape the breath o life in thin. Arrah,
good day to We, Mrs. OBrien. Here's a
gintlemin asGis takin' me pedigree and be
putin it in a little buke for & be showin'
the President of Ameriky, twile he'll be
sittin' in his goold chair wild nagur to be
kapin the flies off him. Ana dye mind the
quare pin he has wild the ink in the handle.
Wud ye mind showin' Mrs O'Crien the
Yankee invintion, sir. Oh, dear, oh, dear,
did l ivir see the likes O. that spose, sir
ye hav' weeny ink bottle in the handlew
| While the two womea were examining
the fountain pen the enumerator managed
to put in another question. He was not
getting along fast, and fastened to make VI
for lost time.
"Where were you born, Mrs. Finns" said
he.
''Many t'ousands O. miles from this spot
| wlsht was thare now, SO | dc. Did ye
iver hear o. Clahane in Ballyduff. me lad
Arrah, We should go to the puck goat fail
they have livery year, wild the goat up in
little cage and him wild ribbons round hi
| neck"
, But, my dear madam" said the enumer
ator, impatienJly, 'all this is of no interes
whatever to me. Pm not taking the census
of the goats in Ireland. Please be kline
enough to tell me if you were born in Bal
lydutf?
Faith, was not. Shure | drew me frs
breath in kilkerren, about six Irish miles
from Carnah, and the same number o.
miles from Currawe, in the county O Gal
way, though many people thinks Kilkerren
is in Connemara. And by the same token
there was brave docther in Carnah, which
the same was an Elegant liar. He'd bt
tellin' We lies till ye'd split yer sides wild
laughin'. He was always as hungry as Ma
loney's calf, aud as thirsty as dhry turf
Cora, l remember well the sthory he'd be
tellin' about the wan-legged duck wild the
cock eye"
Really, Mrs. Finn"
"And his wan leg was in the middle of hi
body all the same as it might be he wa:
walking on one sthilt, and when he'd dip
his head for morsel O. corn he was tha
high"
"How long have you been in this coun-
tryp' cruelty interrupted the enumerator
, VINO was now in a state of extreme nervous
ness.
Fur nanny years, sir. More nor ye't
)