davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09


''Then where did you get those, Mr.
Bifin:' inquired my aunt sternly.
looked, and sure enough there was ;
buttonhole of very choice flowers in my
! coat. l didn't in the least know how
they got there.
aunt" said, II didn't buy those
flowers"
Don't tell me- she replied. ''Whc
would give you flowers. wonder"
might have found some telling reply
! to this very uncomplimentary question
but was so astonished by the presence
of the flowers that 1 could think of moth
ing to say. At last, to make a diversion
took out my wifes present and handed
it to my aunt.
"a little trife. aunt" I said. "Bertha
hopes you will like it. I took out my
| handkerchief as said this to wipe away
the perspiration which my excitement
had caused; piece Of brown paper fell
to the ground and futtered over to
! where my aunt was sitting. / didn't like
! to go over and get it, but sat still mop
ping my face.
II hope you like Bertha's choice"
said after q time; cit is so hard to find
anything exactly appropriate"
looked at my aunt; her face had a
very queer expression.
And is this your idea of what is ex-
actly appropriate:" she repeated in tones
of deep irony.
For moment it flashed upon me that
/ had brought the compound colocynth
pills after all.
lis this your idea OF appropriate" she
repeated, as she held up a wedding ring.
Mr.. Biffin," she said solennly after a
little time, you are not such fool as
to want to give ne wedding ring.
There is some secret here, and you have
betrayed yourself"
And my aunt slowly stopped down
and picked up the paper at her feet.
Il saw you eying it," she said. 1t
was telegram. She took it out of the
envelope and read it, then looked at me
and said: ''You villain
More astonished than ever. l took it
from her hand and read: '.Will come by
5 p. m. train; meet me at station. Mile
baisers. Clara"
Il know French" said my aunt.
"That means "a thousand Kisses you
villain. And addressed to SC. Lambert.
Foste Restante. OF course You villain
and ? wedding ring, too. YOU are
going to run away from your dear wife.
But will defend my little niece and her
mother too"
gasped cut that I was innocent. that
knew nothing of the telegram or the
ring. Ny aunt darted at me and seized
a small looket hanging on my watch
chain.
That's not the iocket I gave you on
your wedding day she screamed.
open it
did so, and inside there was little
braid of hair and the portrait OF a lady.
Ny aunt was furious.
Il suppose you will tell me that that's
your wife's portrait, and that her hair is
dark" she said.
All of sudden the truth flashed upon
me. understood it ali-why the boots
hurt me, the short sleeves, the flowers,
evsvthing. had gone into the wrong
bathing machine. and dressed in soma
oQeelse's clothes. Is WIS a blue serge
suss. but not mine. l was q long tiIae
before / could persuade my aunt of the
truth of this. but at last she gave in that
was right.
MIR. Ei2n,@ she sad, Il called VOC
yiIiaia-I was wrong. You are fool
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

met my old friend Kopkins, the head
clerk of Messrs. Croyland & Co., and ]
gave him the packet had.
'.Are you down here for business OF
pleasure:" he said. l knew he wanted
to chaf-Hopkins was always great at
chaff.
'For pleasure, chiefly" answered.
Hopkins is bachelor. or would have
said: "For my wife's pleasure"
'.Ah, l should think So" he said.
"How much for the get up:"
Hopkins, like many other people, is
often vulgar when he tries to be jocular.
'.It fits you like ze pa-a-per on ze
wa-all," he went on. Jacobs & Co.. I
suppose" Then he examined the coat
more closely.
''It's very queer" he said, ''the cloth
is the best serge made, but the fit-why,
my dear fellow, your arms are sticking
out of it dreadfully."
1t was quite true, though I had never
noticed before that the sleeves were so
short. am not quick at observation,
but it struck me as rather strange that
my wife had not remarked it.
However, arranged to see Hopkins in
the evening for chat over old times,
and went on to my aunt's q know my
wife's aunt is not really my aunt, but
then what relation is she? / call her
my aunt). She wasn't in very
good humor when called
don't think elderly ladies are very keen
about celebrating their birthdays. They
only keep them once in four years,
fancy, and perhaps this wasn't the right
year. First my aunt scolded me for
being late, then for walking fast and
making myself hot. Then she became
amiable again, and said she was glad we
were coming down here; she should be
SO glad to see her niece.
''And your niece's husband, too, aunt,
hope" said, with an attempt at being
pleasant.
Don't be ridiculous, SIR" she replied.
81 mean your little girl, of course"
This cool way of skipping generation
was rather too much for me, but l said
nothing.
My aunt looked at me for moment
"Mr. Biffin, don't like your extrava-
gance. A married man ought not to
wear expensive flowers in his coat; those
must have cost you half a crown at the
least"
Expensive flowers, aunt:" I gasped.
"pve bought 10 flowers"
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

your villainy, villain," roared the old
gentleman. But the young lady burst
out laughing.
"You don't think" she said, ''that
you've got Charlie Lambert there. Why,
Charlie is as different as possible-Char
lie is good looking. You can't think I'm
in love with that man. Why, he has
red hair and
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen"
said 1, interposing, ''but / think I'll
withdraw. ! have had quite enough Of
this. I've been insulted all round. II
you won't hear me, at least let me 60
away"
Here the door opened and young
man rushed into the room.
'Clara!" he said. There was no need
to ask who he was.
you'll remember" / said after a
time. that that is my coat you are
wearing. Don't crumple it too much"
The three others looked on astonished,
but Clara Gregory quite coolly intro
duces Mr.. Charles Lambert to all Of
them.
"And who" said the elder lady, "who
is this man with the wife and two chill
dren, and what is he doing here?'
Now felt it was my turn to have an
innings, and l explained the whole
affair. The old gentleman gave sort
of howl when / mentioned the bathing
machine; otherwise was listened TO.
Then and Mr.. Lambert adjourned to
bedroom to change our clothes. He
wasn't very arniable at first. remarking
that anybody might have told the differ
ence between the two suits. his being
made by Poole. and mine being, he said,
a very inferior article. However, he
told me about the business which had
brought him to Eastcliif. He had
been engaged to his Clara for nearly
year. Clara was an orphan, and her
uncle and aunt were her nearest relatives
They had recently returned to England
from Australia, and taken upon them
selves the care of their niece. The un-
Gle was for some reason very suspicious
of him-had refused to see him, had re-
fused to recognize the engagement or to
let Clara correspond with him. They
had not much difficulty in evading his
commands as to correspondence. and
they had arranged plan of flight. But
this had become known to Mr.. Gregory;
he had come to Eastcliff himcelf, bring
ing his niece by an earlier train than the
one appointed. A telegram from Clara's
maid had informed him later on in the
day of the change of movement, and so
he had not gone to the station.
When we got back to the other room
q general reconciliation took place. They
apologized to me for having called me
villain, and so on, and said they were
pleased to make my acquaintance. They
laughed when told them what had hap
pened to the wedding ring.
When | got back TO the hotel l found
the license there, sent back with very
facetious note from Hopkins, wishing
me happiness in my second matrimonial
venture, and so on. | won't give the
letter; Hopkins isn't really so funny az
he thinks he is.
The next day Mr.. Lambert called on me-
He said that Uncle Gregory had given
his consent, and he would trouble me
for the special license. And would /
come to the wedding, which was to be
very quiet one? / went, and wore my
blue serge suit-the right one, though,
this time. And in the evening my wife
came down and | told her all about it.
And she says that next summer l must
wear dittos, and that she was never Ill
favor of my having blue serge suit
THE END.
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
VERSES TO THE EDITOR.
Witty Rhymes Sometimes Acconps.y Pear
Poema.

Witty Rhymes Sometimes Aoc0npaay Pear
Poems-
The editor Of one Of New York's many re-
pcsitories Of humor Is almost daily In receipt
of versifiel communications from his con-
tributors, submitting verses which In many
instances are lamentably inferior TO tho com.
munications themselves, writes John Ken
drick Bangs in Chatter.
From one of most prolific poetic pens came
the following:
o. prithee cast your eagle squtnt
Ger this poetic tale.
Ard II tits good enough 20 print
Remember It's for sale.
The same writer shows that even the post
is sometimes compelled to think Of material
things, and in sending a Sonnet to the Soul
to be passed on to the proper channel, he OBJ
serves:
lay, my Lord. hope you're well
This Sonnet to the Soul
- wants II l viii sell
For two full tons Of coal
SIa
Friendship of many years standing pev-
vented bloodshed when the editor received q
Quatrain accompanied by these lofty lines:
They say you don't know what Is what
don't believe you do,
On your decision on this Quats
Rests my opin Of you.
sRaia
To this the editor found il profitable to
reply:
may not know just what Is what
Or which is whicA-iont ask IL
But do know your little Quat
Lies buried in my basket.
The next contribution from this gentleman
brought with II the invocation:
pray that you and may get
A gift from Heavens dome:
May you get sense 10 like these lines,
dollars for the po:ne.
1t sometimes happens, as In the three in-
stances following, that money is either ioss
sight of altogether or is so subordinated that
it is rather an accessory than anything elsss
I've worked for pay never got
Until my bead is hoary;
Take this and iucre send me not;
HI take IL cut IN glory.
Appeals of this sort are very hard 10 rs.
sist, though in tbe instance following the ed
itor, rather than feel himself responsible for
a premature though happy death, returned
the poem 10 the writer. The note read thus:
II could get this poem in
Your magazine, o, friend,
.should have reached the piunaclA
Attained my cherished end.
o. take tie poem. print II. and
Delight my poor weak eye.
And when | see ny lines IN type
o. then I'll gladly die.
The third utterly unsellsh verse was as
follows:
II you want Il, take it
I'm not consarncd.
II you don't, why, shake q,
And be darncd
The meter is rather weak in the last line,
but the sentiment o! the whole WAS 80 refresh
ing that very bad poem accepted aud
paid for on the strength of the little note that
came with il.
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
A BUSY BOOK AGENT.
Time Was Valuable and Rsttlers Couldn't
Keep Him Awake


Keep Him Awake.
We were visiting at O ranch about six
miles out of Dennison, Tex, and one day
there were five or six people on the veranda,
when man on a mule came along and halted
and introduced himself as a book agent.
While his prospectus was being passed around
he took a chair, lifted his feet to the railing
and lighted a cigar for a smoke He was
quite little apart from tAe rest. and at the
end d The veranda, the door Of which was al
most nush with the earth. At his right hand,
and only two feet away, was a rose bush.
Without being observed by the man, the
colonel detached himself from the group and
entered the house There was an open win
dow right back of the agent, and the colonel
appeared in this and commanded: let no
one move for his life until get a gunl A
rattlesnake has crept out Of the rose bush
under the strangers chair and is coiled to
striker
We all looked that way and nothing wa,
10 be seen, but as each one understood the
colopel's game, we acted, 50 far as looks were
concerned, as if a serpent was in plain view.
The agent never finched in the slightest. lie
was looking away down the road, and be
kept his eyes there as be observed:
''Durn my luck, but I'm alus running up
agin snaixi How big is this fellerF'
Hes a whopper," answered enc of us.
''And this is August, when they are half
blind and the most deadlyf
Yes"
''Did the kurnel say be was going after bis
shooterF'
''Yes'
tfHou Io-, xfII IL take hir>rf
About ten minutes, but may be fifteen
''Hunph. Well gents, Tn a busy man,
and can't efYori 20 lose no fifteen minutes.
You jess pass that prospectus around and gis
resdy TO g,.e me your orders. and III try
ard catch q little wink o sleep wniis waiting
for the kuraeI 70 pop this durnel vipeTr'
And sure's I'm living man be settled
down in lis chair TO WOO the dros-sy god,
and I'd bot thousand 10 one that .1e felt
sure the snake was there, jus. a. We Jre-
te1ded.-Iew York Sun.
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

There e man u1zr In this villa-,.
Re ssilx mlx shakes The other day his
clerk had the ehiIss 90 very had tia, his
teeth chsst~-ed h<s q pais ~ c.ssa..st4
A man came la and called for q sailx
SHAKE and this mean naan made the clerk
hold the giAss ia hls hands til the rnlx-
tire was BEAUTIFULLY shaken lie szSi
be sz-sd tie scar and tear Of his paisas
sss<< e. .tSseS sss~
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
Pretty Bits of Furniture.

Among decorative bits of furniture there
are mons that show such a variety of artistic
and dainty designs as the tiny little tables
that represent one Of the popular fancies Of
modern furnishing.
There is the little Y shaped table that fits
charmIngly into corner; the good luckr
tables, with horseshoe or clover leaf tops
the crescent, the diamond, the primrose and
the mushroom tables, all taking name from
their shapes
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

Our cus shows diamond shaped table-an
"antique" in carved oak; also the horse
SHOE" Of white wood enameled in white and
gold, and bearing the legend good luck' in
golden letters around the edge.
Little square tables are often now covered
with a pretty cretonne on both the uppcr
and under shelves, with three inch fr;il all
round. The legs are usually covered with
plush of a harmonizing shade They look
very pretty about room, and are easily
and auickly done.
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

He-W bat sort Of an animal would you
prefer n Be, hiS Northcoto-thst Ia. If you
had 10 be an sniuaif
Sbe-0b. don't know, ] am sure. But
know what SORT Of an animal would like tn
have you be.
He ouslyl-Whati
Shea wezzel
Hs-A weszel ,-snd pray wby'
She-Don't you remember the old nursery
rhyme Pop goes the veszslr-BuriingtoB
Free Press
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
Hon the Trnuhie I.ersn.

Kate Gazing down a anoveB-Tkats . spisn-
did story, JACK. Have you ever read is ~
quel'
Jack-Oa. yes; ] have rsad stories pos
only ia equal. but far sup>rior.
Kat~-i say. have you read Its seq1si,
Jses And szy. ! haze rsad its supsrio-s.
KAte-fts s~yssi, Jscs, ia yqos,i
Jack-its supsiors. Kate, 10 Gpersor.,
AID dor,t yol forgss ,t-Eeu YORK worA.
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
No, yE rH.

Z A cid Sootta@a toSs q zaar Wa .rssd fos
s.>a.ing eoe- .rosz ship TIE jsSxe. turn
inz 20 tie uf.ncss. szksd VIA: be ghs pr1s
ooer1 szsi -heo 10 Vas cAa-S.1 wl.zez.-
Es All j. ~%za soka. Jp6xs 10 .cz-.zss.y
How far Cd Toa carry t5s loxsI sws-l, Ak
se' rsca: ss1rre. wsz 81. rsspc-s. -'hzt ]
.slzk :. 80 .toz: tseosy Yzr4a =
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
q Gaurnan6.

Grsvcz-Does Pssei~e.I I've In sood Esyss.
Es haza'i ngses II AZ income. fsncY.
Merrisnas-Lsvst You should -, .ss ..bIs
be ssts would Ike nothing better than 70
have ban rscaa. ss1 ;hec beard with him
Ioxsil Ctt.zra
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

81 drc.si2a, SD Czzs de Jay. In . daz-n-,-
go,aas toce, Il bad an idea 5uz< sov, srd 10
hes coDrsesssJ lSss Eyb-s.n, pa knnwS
Maybe nos, I" sid sls frt-sd- "Po.<zlsly IL
rce 90 roaming efozsd yo-1- he2d and i1zs IL,
RR--W e.11uxtox. Pos.
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

A--IO1 ere - rso1szt doox ~. bow you
ss@r eAxce % preToss % Jour wife
B.-Il&t vas very nrpis. I aid notasrz.
AID tfss s1s6 nothing sul - a-ss xord txc,uxsl
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
SERGE SUIT
Bv ROBERT sHINDLER.
GOT this suit be-

GOT this suit be-
cause I was going
to the seaside. My
wife said ! was to
go; that / was
looking tired and
worn, and that l
wanted a change.
Now / don't at
all care about go
ing into the coun-
try. London is the
pleasantest place
in the world, and
it seems folly to
leave it for a
place that is GER
tain to be less
pleasant. And /
h a d not b e n
away for years
not since / was
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09
A B4t of WaS.

First Tramp-Ssy, that dog seems mighty
fond Of yer.
Second Tramp-Ob, yes. he's quite attached
ter me-Munsey's Weekly.
Wichita eagle., 1890-03-09

said. ''and fastened all the windows and
bolted the door at the top Of the stair.
He can't escape anyhow. And now,
sir" he added, suddenly turning to me,
'swe'u see.r
He dashed out Of the room and re
turned almost Immediately with large
riding whip.
'Iou see this" he said. ssAnd YOU
see me-" And he lifted the whip menac-
ingly. But the lady intervened.
Roger" she said. sdon't forget to
temper your justice with mercy; remem.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04

lshing the road bed Ct the terminus.
The grade for the main track, switch
and Y is thrown mp, and q plainly
seen from the Courthouse, from which
it 10 distant les than three miles.
A strange malady has broken out
among the telephone girls in Now
York. On the streets and in public
places they burst out with: "What
NUMBER" Albright, "Busy." There
is specious of this affection in Car
son, San, Davis says, but the words
are: .Hullo, Charley" sAh, there .
and "Stay there" It only breaks ont
after sunset.
A body servant, newly engaged,
presented to his master a pair Of
boots the leg of one OF which was
shorter than the other. aHow comes
it Patrick, tfat these boots are not Of
the same length?" 81 really don't
know, sir; but what bothers me most
il that the pair downstairs is in the
same fix" White Mountain Echo.
Irate Patron-You advertise to cure
consumption, don't you?
DIR. Quack-I never fail when my
instructions are followed.
Irate Patron My con took your
medicine for year, and died an hour
after the last dose.
DR.. Quack-My instructions were
not followed; I told him to take it
two years.-N. Y. Weekly.
The platform adopted by the DEM
ocratic Convention of New Hamp-
shire declares that Republican tariff
reform has resulted in heavier bur
dens to the people, md denounces
tho Mckinley bill as "deed of con-
veyance to q combination Of manu-
facturers and trusts.n It dsnouuces
the rulings Of Reed MS despotism, and
the seating of the Montana Senators
as grand larc"ny. It favors pension
legislation, tariff reform, and de-
nounces tho Force bill.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
A Rat story.

A well-known farmer whose ranch
is on the mountain side, tells OF a
wonderful rat, both in size and smart
ness. 1t had committed many pecula-
tions, and the farmer procured bot
tie OF stTychnine for its destruction,
placing the poison near the rodents
nest and piece Of meat to tempt the
appetite. Next morning the bottle
was found Ola the pantry shelf and a
bottle containing sherry wine was
missing. The farmer is sure he made
no mistake in the bottles, nor did he
drink the wine. Carson Tribune.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
The Fruit Tramc.

Heavy trainloads Of fruit pass hero
daily from California, bound east
ward. It 10 all choice selected fruit,
and the demand for it at good prices
Is constantly increasing throughout
the East. Nevada raises better APP
pies, pears and potatoes than Califor-
mia does, and many extensive and
Aourishing orchards are growing In
the favored localities in the State.
Tho Gay may not he far distant when
Nevada will be strong rival to Cali
fornia in fruit shipments.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
word to Ladies.

Ladies' who desire beautiful clear
skin, free from pimples, boi.s, blotches,
and other eruptions, should commence
at once to use Or. Gums Improved
Liver Pills. They will also remove
that heavy look about your eyes and
make them bright, and will cure
headache from whatever cause it
arises. Remember, you are only re-
CURED to take one small pill ut bed
time, which is coated with pure sugar,
and will not grippe or produce any un-
pleasant sensation. Sold ut 25 cents
by +. F. Muller.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
Live And Let Live.

Those who desire fresh Groceries
and Provisions, as we'll as Glassware,
Queensware, etc., should not fail to
examine my stock ond prices before
purchasing.
Apenny saved IL az good as a penny
earned and you can save money by pur.
chasing goods at home. ! carry q
large stock OF seasonable goods and
will sell at Live and Let Live prices.
2-1S II. CHASE
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
a Sure Curo For PiIna.

Itching Piles are known by moist
ure like perspiration, causing intense
ltchlng whom warm. This form as
well as Blind, Bleeding and protrud-
ing, yield at once to Dr.. Bosanko's
File Remedy, which acts directly on
the parts affected, absorbs tumoIs
allays itching and effects permanent
cure. Soc. Druggists or mail; treatise
free. DR.: Bosanko, Piqua, o. Sold
by F. F. Muller. =
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04

A number Of ladies held meeting
In Boston last Tuesday and organized
q club which they named the Colonial
Danes Of America. The offsets Of
tho organization are to promote patri-
otism and to conserve aristocracy.
Each applicant for membership will
be required to prove her descent from
ancestors who settled In America prior
TO 1776.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04

The tri-weekly mail service between
Fort McDermit and Jordan Valley
has besn reduced to once week by
the saintly Matchmaker. The atten-
ton Of the Enterprise, which, during
the Presidential campaign, promised
increased mail facilities 70 every min
Ing camp and agricultural valley in
the State In the event OF Harrison's
election, Is directed TO this. [Silyer
State.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
A No-1Iarriase Rulo.

The banks in Dublin have adopted
a rule that no clerk with q salary Of
$3.50 year can be married while em-
ployed by them.-TEx.
From the above it seems that an
impression exists among the Dublin
bankers that as soon az man gets
married he learns to steal.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
"Looking Backward"

Society in London has inaugurated
the drawingroon movement for social
advancement, which means the aban-
donment OF public halls, concert
rooms, theaters and even churches,
and return to the salons that i'm.
mortalized the glory of the French
Court.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04

A Nevada cattleman relates that
near Trout Greek hegsaw a band OF
cattle plunging apparently toward
him. When he got within half mile
OF the band he discovered that it was
o mirage. Il Virginia Chronicle.
Who was the Nevada cattlemanP {"
Was it Tom Rickeyf
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
who Wouldn't2

"Birdie kissed me last evening"
"Did you kiss her back?"
"Of course not"
"You foolish boyl Why didn't
your"
II preferred to kiss her lips."-The
Epoch.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
Select School.

Mrs. Stuart will, on Monday morn
ing, open select school at the par
sonage, where she will bs glad to re.
ceive pupils; by the week at 80 cents,
or 800 q month. 1w
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
Dentistry.

I will be in Elko. July Is, 1890, at
Room 40. Depot Hotel, and will re-
main few days for the practice If
my profession. All those who require
first class dental work will please take
notice.
G. HAMILTON,
u. Dentist.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-09-04
1.-Two And lot lave.

Those who desire to purchase eth
best quality OF Groceries and Pro-
visions are referred to the above re-
liable house where fair dealing and
courteous treatment is the rule.
Glassware, Tinware, Stoneware, Nails
etc, always IN stock.
Ii H.CHAsE.