The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1890-01-18

ALL SORTS

IN hciluChH, p"fOnlDltlOn IL u . d
as II lay drant headed monster.
The absent-mIned professor TO the
night waIchmau-''GOOd night, | hope
you will sleep we'll Iiegemde Batter
A writer says: "LaGiness grows ON
people, This information will sur
prise those persons who supposed that
il grew ON tIega.-NOrrisIOwm Herald.
The nan on top always gets The
credit We have walking jackets, walk.
ing. cuats, hut never u pair of walking.
trousers, although they do all the
waiking.-Puck.
"Ferment means 10 work." said the
teacher tn the language class Now
each III you write IL gen enCe containing
the word This is what Tommy
CumsO, who reads the papers, wrote
"Tramps do not like TO ierment."
Get tho Best.-Temnerance woman
my friend, il you don't want whisky
to get the best OF you, you must get the
best of whisky Promising subject
Il do, mum. when | can; but when d
feller's only got u nickcl-."-Puck.
"From the west, eh2" eyes, sir
from Chicago" "Ahl Indeedl spent
several months in Chicago. Been there
long p ''Yes, sir, | am n member oi
the city council" "You don't say so
What street is your saloon On7"-- New
York Weekly.
lndistinct but Acknowledgement
Gin Chinese laundry)--"Why do you
Say Friday, John, when you mean
Friday?' Chinamam-''I Stay Friday
1.au,n ,nn LIi la,- mat Itl.n Mnl:,.,
man, who Stay li-day and come TO pay
int week aiteh ncxt!"-Texas Siftings.
Greely Wrong Again.-Little Dot
"Mama, didn't papa say Gen. Greedy
predicted high winds tor to-day f"Mama
Yes, my dear he read il in the pa
per" Little Dot-"Well, they Isn't
high nj NJ all. They is go low down
they most blowed mo er."-New
York Weekly.
Not a Leap Year PROPOSAL Young
Widow-"Mr Preachly, will you mar
~ me?' Mr.. Preachly Vel, really,
Mrs. Buckuer, this is SO suddcn-'
Young Widow-'Oh, well take Your
time To think il over. Mr.. llarkins and
| ,hought we'd like to have you per
form the ceremony for us."-Iiarper's
Bazaar.
Indignant Physlciau-"Man, what
have you donef Yuu sent my patient
The wrong prescription, aud II killed
him" Druggist well, What vas der
matter init you? Last week | send your
udder patient der ri9hd berscribuion.
and dot killed him. How can some
body please sooch u thanksgiving
field Republican.
A Miracle Explained Mrs. b
"My husband tell down The cellar
Stairs with five bottles of wine and
didn't break Il single Que Of them"
VIsiiur-.W Wonderful Miraculousl''
"Weli, no IFS not so wonderful after
all. He drank them before he tell dow u
the stairs. From tho German in Tex
as Siitings.
Tue following is an extract from a
real composition written by u small
scnool- boy in New Jersey The subject
given by the teacher was the extensive
one of"Man." Here's what the small
boy wrote: "'Man Is q wonderful ami
NAL. lie has eyes, ears, mouth. His
ears are mostly Tor catching cold in and
having the eaiache. The nose Is to get
an flies with. a mans body Is split hall
WAY up, and be walks on the split
nds!'-Lippencoit's Magazine.
Mrs. Grubber-"Well, WE'LL What
fools these editors bel' Mr.. Grubber-
"Eb?' Mrs. Grubber-'Here writ @
letter TO the editor of the Punkinville
Trumpet, askin' what would he a
proper an inexpensive thing to get ter
Il weddin' present; an here in the pa
per he's printed II list of about a hun.
drcd things what folks gives as weddin'
presents, an there amt one of EN-
costs less lbGn = dullsr."-New York
Weekly.