Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-08-03
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

they have been before them ever since
YOnkers Statesman.
A single grain of common-sense beats q
million of gunpowder when superstition:
are to be xploded.-American Grocer.
Labor is honorable; always excepting
possibly, the laboring law of the dema.
gogue or ignoramus.-OI OIathe (Kan.) Mr..
ror.
Most creatures are entirely harmless
when they are asleep. But the moth does
the most mischief when it is taking a nap
Puck.
"You are the twentieth in the class,
Hans. That means you are at the very
foot "WeIl, papa, how can 1 help it if
there are no more boys in the class"
The hotel landlord now doth reap
His ducats by the bTiny deep;
And soon can wear, If ne gets to work,
Almost as big gem as his clerk.
Light.
Jester-'Did you have any luck when
you went fishing last Thursday" "Well,
| should smile; eight men with bills
called at the house, and three at the
Office"
A tramp has discovered that square
/
round when wanted, and that it's always
more than a square away.-New York Jour
ndi
President of literary society (in co-edu-
cational college)-"Are you ready for the
question? ?" Matte Bond (who spends her
vacations at Bar Harbor)-"Yes, pop it."
Epoch.
-"Well, Doctor, 1 enjoyed
your sermon very much" Dominic
"You pain me deeply, sir. My sermons
are written for instruction, not for the
giving of pleasure on the Holy Sabbath"
Farmer-"What's that tea-set worth p
Jeweler-"I can sell you that set for
| Sl75 90" Parmer-"I reckon the old
woman would be better satisfied with some
thin 'thout quite so many figures on it,
Je,ceLers' Weekly.
Speech costs silver. "I want some ad-
vice." said one young man to another.
"Why don't you 60 to your father ?'
"Well, you see, the old gentleman's
lawyer, and business is business, you
know Washington Post.
''It's enough to kind of sour a man on
human nature" said the tramp, "when you
stop to consider how often you're called
lazy because you won't do seventy-fye
cent job at sawin' wood for fifteen-cent
breakfast > Washington Post.
Dobb-"What shall | charge for nv
new picture, Moonlight-Hunters Point?"
Vandyke Brown-"How much did the
frame cost?' Dobb-"S Seventy dol
lars" Vandyke Brown-"Then charge
seventy-fve dollars. ."-ToDn Topics.
The other day little fellow entered
store and said, 81 want dogs muzzle."
''Is it for your father?' asked the cautious
shop-keeper, who saw that the boy made
do offer to pay for it. NO." said the Gus
toner, indignantly, "of course it isn't It's
for our dog"
A lawyer gave a dinner party, after
which the gentlemen retired to smoke and
chat. All at once he got up, took down
sword which formed part of a trophy, and,
brandishing it in the air, exclaimed "Ah,
gentlemen, shall never forget the day
when drew this blade for the first time %
"Pray, where did you draw it?" said an
inquiring guest. "At. rafiie,n was the
lawyers rejoinder.-Le Figaro.
The marriage wasn't month old, and
the young bride and her visiting mother
sat watching the clock work toward mid
night. "What is that heavy, broken, un-
certain footstep coming up the stairs?"
said the mother-in-law, sterniy 81 guess |
it's George, mamma. You know he always |
suffered, and here of late it seems to have !
got somehow into his walk PHILADELPHIA |
Times.
81 have stolen coat" said man to |
lou nH | a. 1nf.
Think you can prove me innocent. 'Oh, |
yes; we can prove that you were hundred |
miles away when the coat was stolen, and |
that the prosecution is malicious" "How
much will you CHARGE" "What sort of a
coat is it" 'First-rate-never been worm"
"Well, | won't charge you anything-just |
give me the coat.'-London Tgd-Bits.
Miss Duckwaddle stepping from the
train papa, this is my station,
and way up there on the hill is the SEM
mary" Old Duckwaddle-'I wish had
known this station laid so much lower than
the seminary. Iwould never have allowed
you TO come" Miss Duckwaddle-"Oh,
papa, why not?" Old Duckwaddle-
"Why, child, don't you see your are being
educated above your station"
The yard is all neglected now;
The grasses tall do wave
And evidence to all it is
The poor lawn needs shave.
The clover and the milk weed. too,
Are poking through the fence
And seem to choke the grasses life
They are so very dense.
Why is It that these things are so?
They never were before.
The reason is the man who owns
The lawn is now no mower
Laurence american.
They hung on the gate
Though the hour was late
And the moon stared big eyed down
As much as to say
"Ah, there Break away
Tomorrow viii soon be in town"
The youth took no heed
of the warning. Indeed,
He seemed but to lengthen his call.
When all unawares
The window upstairs
Was struck and seemed ready TO fall.
Said the maiden, "Goodbyg' /.
Quoth the youth. 81 will fly,
For thar was a hint, by the powers r.
said the maiden, ''ah, yes
II was papa, guess; ,
He is striking for shorter hours
Columbus DlsDqfch