The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1890-06-20
MfsIe1Iamen115.
BITS OF IRISH FUN,

BITS OF IRISH FUN.
Island by Traveller.
Irish wit loses much of its keenness by
repetition. Thoroughly to appreciate it one
must listen to Pat, as on his native soil he
flashes forth those rapier-like expressions
which convulse his listener. The larger part
of Celtic wit is epigrammatic. 1t springs
suddenly from its environment. In Ireland
it is distilled from almost every situation. As
soon as the American lands in Ireland he be-
gins to hear it. The traveller first comes
into contact with the professional beggar at
Queenstown. From an economical stand
point these beg CARS are the pests ofthe Green
Isle. They give travellers altogether q wrong
impression in regard to the true nature of the
Irshman as he is in his native land. Still
the American cannot help being pleased with
them, on account of their witty sayings. A
recent traveller in Ireland was accosted by
one of these professionals. In all essential
respects the beggar closely resembled the
Witch of Endor. She was lean and evident
ly hungry. She stood in an attitude express
sive of extreme humility, with her hands
clasped before her. She said nothing, but
Thinking, from her looks that she was
deserving of charity, the traveller said to her !:
"Now, madam, if give you shilling will
you promise not to follow me around the
streets during my stay in Queenstown?
"Arrah, sir, may the blessin' of heaven
come down upon ye, sir; may ye never know
want, and may yee'r wife nivtr attind yee'r
funeral"
She received the shilling in her wrinkled
palm, and as long as the traveller was within
hearing she called down blessings upon him.
He remained in Queenstown one week. Dur
ing that time wherever he went he saw the
miserable spectacle Oft the poor beggar. Her
looks always asked for aims. This went on
until it became unbeatable to the traveller
| One morning as he came out of his hotel he
saw her standing on the opposite side of the
street in the usual pitiful attitude. To put it
mildly, he was vexed. He decided to put an
end to the nuisance. Crossing the street
rapidly to where the woman stood, he said ::
MADAM, didn't you agree not to follow me
after gave you the shilling?"
Faith did, sir"
"Well, why in thunder do you follow me
SO ?"
"Shure, sir, it's not me that's followin'
ye; its we that's follerin mer'
The traveller gave her sixpence.
There is another nuisance in most of the
| large Irish towns. 1t is in the shape of the
| SDlul DUy- 1iiEi N1uSChcbO"A bhS
| traveller spoken of above n, 1t one of these
pocket edition Celts al the Cork station. Said
the boy, who was no mole than twice as
large as the traveller s valise:
| "W'ud We lave me carry The Bag p
The traveller doubted the boys strength,
yet be yielded the va,ise 10 his eager grasp.
The bag was heavy. and the boy gradually
became bow legged in his effort to carry it,
On arriving at the hotel the traveller gave the
boy sixpence and dismissed him. He came
oat upon the sidewalk an hour later and
found the boy waiting. Said the traveller
"Sonny, don't need you any longer"
| Gut ye'll made guide, sir.
NO; I can see the city without help"
w tn this the traveller started to go away,
but the boy chung to his coat tails. He stuck
closer than a burdock burr The sight
seerer couldn't shake him off until he used
actual violence. His rebuff did not discour-
age the boy, however, for he followed for two
hours until he arrived at Patrick's bridge
Here, as the tourist stood watching the myriad
gulls, in graceful flight over the river Lee,
he felt sharp tug at his coat, and, turning
around he saw the boy again.
"Well, my boy, what is it now?"
sIt's gettin' late," replied the boy, land
wud we pay me now 80 | can go homer"
"Pay you for what ?" asked the tourist
eur shown We round the city O. Cork,
STRIP
1t will be remembered by newspaper read
ers that within the past year, certain Mary
land millionaire named Dupont, married q
barmaid of the city of Queenstown who was
popularity known as "Tottie." This young
woman was not strikingly handsome. but
she was gene ally credited in Queenstown
with possessing one of the sharpest tongues
in ireland. When "Tottie" was taken away
from the Queens Hotel by her American
husband, she was succeeded by o young
woman named Miss White, who was scarce
ly less original in her remarks than her pre-.
decessor had been. 1t must be borne in mind
that young woman loses nothing in social
caste by being a barmaid in Ireland. Not
long since, an Englishman, who was stop
ping at the Queens Hotel, presum on Miss
Whites freedom of speech. He stood leaning
on the bar, and gradually moved his face
closer and closer to Miss Whites rudy
cheek. By the merry twinkle in the bar
maids eye it would readily be seen that she
discerned that he wanted to kiss her. His
lips were slowly but surely approaching the
barmaids rounded cheek, while her right
hand as slowly and as surely encrcled the
neck of decanter which stood on the bar
When his lips had approached TO within one
inch of her cheek, she suddenly raised the
bottle and poured its cold contents down the
back of his neck. Then, springing lightly
backward, she exclaimed with a merry
laugh:
81 thought ye we're getting a thrihe war
rum, sir, and I'd cool yer ardor!"
To further illustrate the genius of the unique
Celt perhaps it would not be out of place
to mention the illustrious painter in the town
of Traee in Kerry. This painter-house anG
sign-is a noted character, and is an inveter'
ate practical joker. Not long ago he enter
ed the liquor store of well-known publican
In Tralee He was very thirsty.
mister Teahan," said he, "if yell give me
pint of porther, I'll tell We how I'm afthel
cheatin' the railway"
go along" replied Teahan, "ye're at som,
more of ye're jokes"
"Indade I'm not, sir and if yell give mi
the porther I'll tell ye how I'm afther batin
the biggist railway in Ireland"
Teahan hesitated for time, but his curiosi
ty at last overcome his judgment anu h,
placed brimming glass of porter before til,
: thirsty painter. The latter drained his glas
III two gulps and wiped his mouth on hi
sleeves.
"Come, come" said Teahan, impat iently
"tell US how ye cheated the railroad"
"Well," said the pa inter, rye mustn't know
that I'm afther being in Cork and wantin' t,
get to Tralee. So fwhat does do, but goe
: an buys ticket for Killarney"
"Wby, man." interrupted Teahan, 'hov
did you get home then ?"
"Faith walked"
"But how did you chate the railway?"
: "Usha, man; didn't l chate thin out O. tn
, price o. the fare from Killarney to Traleep
r "a specimen Of fash wit perhaps MI
: Bar;y's answer to a question will serve as
fair example. Mr.. Barry is employed in