The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-04-22
A CHINAMAN CAN'T WHISTLE.
Futile Rhythmic Efforts of u Celestial In
cited by u Hand. Organ.

Did you ever see Chinaman endeavor-
ing to whistle? No? Then you have missed
sight rarer than an eclipse of the moon
and funnier than dozen minstrel shows.
There is certain "celestial'' chap in New
York, who is the proprietor of what is per-
haps the most successful Chinese laundry
establishment in the city. The particular
pig-tailed gentleman of whom we speak is
possessed of a face as utterly expressionless
rs New England pancake, and as depress-
ing to look upon as the funeral of en- I'M
dertaker. Johns heart, however, is To-
Gated in that portion of his anatomy. said
by psychologists to be the correct one, and
is besides as light as the conscience of the
average book agent. One bright day not
many moons ago, our Acknowledged friend
stood complacently summing himself In the
doorway or his shop, and for all that eX-
ternal appearances might indicate, he was
deep i'll a reverie of morbid sadness. Sta nd
ing thus, he was rudely awakened from his
day dreaming by sudden burst of music
emanating from a hand-organ which its
Italian owner had planted unnoticed
OH tue curb. The lively strains of a
well-known Spanish serenade vigorously
ground out from the bCX-like instrument,
almost induced a smile to play about the
Mongolian's drum-head features. Though
of course John didn't know whether the
catchy tune was a hymn. waltz or an
oratorio, it soon became evident that he in
tended to render an accompaniment.
Thrusting his lank arms deep into his ca
pacious pockets he puckered his mouth
until it resembled a badly frayed button
hole, and then blew for all he was worth.
His little shoe-button eyes seemed anxious
to pop out of his head. and the noise he
produced sounded like that of piece of
sand paper being rapidly rubbed over a
I'd hp aI n
seemed to regret that he had boarded the
train. But with never say die determination
he sailed bravely into the troubled waters
of melody and was hurrying along at a
lively gait to catch up with the sprightly
air, when his vocal saw struck a knot and
he had to pause to moisten his purple lips.
By this time he seemed thoroughly disguised
and wore the look of small boy who is
caught in the act of climbing under circus
tent. Again, screwing his face into the
shape of vinegar funnel he pitched
Justify into the tune and struck out in all
directions straight from the shoulder, his
notes sounding like the braying of an aged
mule afflicted with the grip" Noises
varying i'll their resemblance from that of
!eaky trombone to the ear-spEtting discord
OF factory whistle ont OF repair, followed
in rapid succession. John was becoming
greatly elated over his success at
whistling when some part of the machinery
gave out and the engine came to a stand
still. John was completely overcome by as
constituent and couldn't understand why
the fireman had struck for higher wages be-
fore the journey was ended. He paused to
think it over, and rs he did SO the top of
his shining bald pate leaned over his fore
head to catch a glimpse of the procession
Remembering that he had a long distance
to travel before reaching home j Ohm gath
cred up his loins, 80 to speak. and hobbled
brayely along after the rieeting show. AS
he progressed he gained confidence in him
self and accidentally gave several imita-
tions of the songs of certain barry ard fowls
and other members of the feathered tribe.
John was close upon the heels of the tune
and was in a fair way of outdistancing it,
when the music stopped abruptly ana after
few helpless gasps the much distressed
Chlnaman let his face fall into its former
position of reposeful stolidity and wigged
into his shop muttering: "Nelly blad
mlEsllc Mclean man gottee. Him nc
glood, allie samee Matchmaker"