davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
OUR WARTIME hUMOR.
A Production Of tho TiD.es Composed Of
Satire and Harmless Fun.

Production Of tho Tine Composed Of
Satire and Harmless Fun.
Easily accessible Is our recent war.
time humor. 1t will be found gathered
into various attractive volumes, large
part of their contents being satirical
verse. During this momen tous, eruptive
period DIR. Holmes always good) was at
his best Dedicated to the ''Stay-at-
Home Rangers" his ''Sweet Little
Man" put the loyal populace in litter.
Acting upon petted society Adonises as
the coarser-gl aimed McFingal had in
colonial days upon New England's tardy
yeomen, this melodious, netting javelin
Of wit drove many perfumed, curly
locked tenderfoot into the regulation
uniform Of volunteer regiments faced
toward the Potomac David Ross
Locke C"Petroleum Vesuvius Nasby'')
and Robert H. Newell ("Orpheus C.
Kerry were newspaper exudations Of
1S60-61. They soon had many loud
applauders. Published at Toledo, O.,
Locke's journal bore . title that was
grimly suggestive Of those keen.
edged, ironical, slashing utterances
which gave the 'Confederiv x Roads
Letters" such wide circulation. In 1861,
Captain Derby C'John Phenix") died,
with laughters hushed sympa athy pay
ing its soulful tribute to q joler's exo-
dus. Newell, already equipped, joined
his literary fortunes with those of the
Mackerel Brigade, and diverted thou
sands of readers in and out OF the grand
army. Never tedious, "Artemus Ward"
became the Nations accepted Rabelais
in the spirit, not the letter Of 1pres-
sion. His quaintness was innocent, and
it yet remains unequaled. Somebody
has commented on calm American ir-
reverence" If such be the most notice
able characteristic of our testers, Charles
Farrar Browne unconsciously wore his
cap and bells. For nearly eight years
he convulsed two continents. His
humor lost none of its diamond glitter
in London fog. 1t was continual
the 9Th of March, 1867, the curtain fell,
at Southampton, in England, that sim
cere, brief epitaph pronounced by Ham
let on Yorick was impressively, tear
fully, fittingly respoken.
That the Nasty" satires were better
in idea, composition or effect, or that
they were any farther known. than the
Jack Downing" political letters Of
thirty years previous is questionable.
But the confusing division Of author
ship between Seba Smith, of Portland,
Me-, and Charles Augustus Davis, Of
New York City, robbed the latter of q
renown that might otherwise have
frightened the catalogues of our comic
literature. 1t has been said Of and for
Mr.. Davis that his Jack Downing" is
so much the stronger, and goes so un-
.erringly to the mark he intended to hit,
that he can be almost forgiven for the
way in which he appears to have de-
liberately appropriated Seba Smiths
creation and made it over for his own
use.'-Henry Clay Lukens, in Harper's
Magazine.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

AT the review of the regular troops
and the District National Guard in Wash
ington few days ago, which was Or
dered for the especial benefit of the del
egates to the Pan-American conference,
President Harrison was the reviewing
officer. This was the first time since
the War of the Rebellion that Presi-
dent officially reviewed troops by virtue
of his Office as Commander-in-Chief Of
the army and navy Of the United States.
The review was witnessed by vast con-
course of people, and was a sight we'll
worth seeing, and made the hearts Of
the multitude glow with justifiable
pride and enthusiasm.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
M'SWAT ECONOMIES.
An Experiment Which Was Not Altoget
q Success.

II never could see," briskly observed
Mr.. McSwat, as he leaned a new pane
Of glass 2sx36 carefully against the
wall, laid the sash containing the
broken pane on the dining-room table,
removed his coat and otherwise cleared
the decks for action, why any man
should pay glazier So bill for job
Of this kind when he can do it himself
at a cost of less than half that figure.
Hand me that case-knife, Lobelia."
Mrs. McSwat complied with his re-
quest and he began to dig out the hard
putty and bits of broken glass still re-
naming in the sash.
''These glaciers" he continued, ''ain't
satisfied with moderate profit They
want to hog the whole thing. This
pane of glass cost me Is cents and these
three-cornered tin jiggers and this lump
of putty were thrown in. A glazier
could have bought the outfit for 50
for about twenty minutes work. Catch
me paying any such price! Lobelia,
take this putty and work it into-ouchv
Mr.. McSwat's case-knife had slipped
and his hand had collided violently with
q piece of broken glass
"Billiger, you have cut yourself!'
exclaimed his wife.
'It's nothing, Lobelia," he said. "a
man may expect little scratch or two
when he's at work of this kind. This
dinged putty comes out awful hard.
Gol-lee for gosh all snakes! There's an
other cash. Get me rag, quick! Don't
stand there with your fingers in your
mouth. Do you want me to bleed to
death right here?"
Don't work at it any more, Bill
ger," pleaded Mrs. McSwat you'll cut
your hands all to pieces"
'Whos doing this job?' roared Bill
ger, as he wrapped his thumb in the
handkerchief his wife had given him.
''Stand out of my way!'
For the next half hour he pranced
about the table, digging out hardened
putty, prying out splinters of glass, and
varying the monOtony of the exercise by
occasional remarks of paroxysmal and
incendiary nature.
At last however, he had the sash
ready for the reception of the glass.
''Lobelia," ne called out, lis the putty
ready?"
''Of course it is," she replied. II
worked it till it was nice and soft and
put it on the table where you could get it
when you-O, Billigerl You've knocked
it down and trampled it all over my nice
rugv
McSwat, reassuringly. And he gathered
up the putty and rolled 1t into lump
again. ''Now I'll put the glass in. Any
body that can't put in pane of common
window glass;" he went on, as he lifted
the pane and laid it down on the sash,
mo matter low big it is, ought to be-
Crack
Its only a corner, Lobelia. 1t won't
show. can fix all that so it will"
Crack!
Blame the everlasting dad-squiz-
zled-'
Crash!
Smash!
Jinglel
"Blank the whole billy-be-dash-
blanked business!"
Mr.. McSwat tum bled the remains Of
his 2sx36 pane of glass on the floor,
jumped up and Gown on them and
howled, while Mrs. McSwat retired to
an upper room, locked the door, crawled
under the bed and wept.
Mr.. Billiger McSwat the next day
paid a five-dollar bill to glazier for
doing the job, and told him in voice of
thunder to keep the change and be
hanged to him!--Chicago Tribune.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
EpitOme of the Week.
INTERESTING NEWS COMPILATION.
FlTY-FlRsT CONGRESS,


MONDAY, April 14.-1n the Senate
resolutions of respect to the memory
of the late Samuel j. Randall were
adopted, and adjournment was ordered.
In the House the death of Samuel j.
Randall was announced and resolut tions
Of respect were adopted, after which an
adjournment was taken.
TUESDAY, April 15.-A pension bill
was introduced in the Senate providing
that all persons who served in the
lato war shall receive service PEN
sion of SS month and their widows $12
. month. The Montana election case
was further discussed. In the House
the naval appropriation bill was passed;
also bill to define and regulate the
Jurisdiction of the courts of the United
States.
WEDNESDAY. April 16.-In the Senate
Saunders and Powers (Reps.) were seat
ed as Senators from Montana. House
bills were passed for public buildings at
Galesburg, ILL.,, Ashland, Wis, and
Grand Rapids, Mich. In the House the
Mckinley tariff bill was reported and
referred. AS finally agreed upon the
bill places hides and sugar on the free
list and provides for the payment of a
bounty of two cents pound on domes-
tic sugars. In the contested election
cases of Posey vs.. Parrett from the First
Indiana district and Bowen VS.. Buchan-
an from the Ninth district of Virginia,
Messrs. Parrett and Buchanan (Dems.)
were declared elected. The military
academy appropriation bill was passed.
THURSDAY. April II. The bill for
the retirement of John c. Fremont as a
Major-General Of the United States
army was passed in the Senate. A
joint resolution for the appointment of
thirty medical examiners for the bureau
Of pensions without reference to the
civil-service law was discussed. In the
House, after the reading of the journal,
motion to adjourn as tribute of re-
spect to the memory of Samuel j.
Randall, whose funeral occurred at 10 g.
~, was adopted,
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

HERE is an illustration of the cosmo-
politan character of our population. In
the recent Methodist Episcopal confer
ence at Carlisle, Pa, it was stated that
the Bible is now printed in three hun
dred languages. 1t is found necessary
to distribute it in twenty-nine Ian
guages in Pennsylvania alone That ex-
cells the record of the apostles on Pente-
cost day, when they spoke to the as
sembled multitudes at Jerusalem, each
man in his own tongue.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

MODERN science, though still rather
too speculative, has now arrived at the
more rational conclusion that to take
blood from a sick man gives him but
temporary relief, while it renders him
less able to battle with the disease. In
cases where it is necessary to lower the
hearts action las when there is an in
ternal wound with hemorrhage) this
may be proper; but it is now admitted
that venesection las it is called) is .
remedy often worse than the disease,
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

A STORY is told of a fire in Philadel.
phia dry goods store the other day that
was extinguished by singular blunder
of the ere-insurance patrolmen. In the
excitement of the moment they seized
young English traveller who had wan
dered unguardedly too close to the
building. and carried him inside, and
spread him over pile of burning goods.
The fire was instantly smothered, but
the young Englishman's trousers were
hopelessly ruined.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

THE costliest cigar smoked in New
York is said to be a Havana Henry
Clay, which is usually wrapped in gold
or silver foil and which costs S1.25
apiece at retail. As to the cost of
manufacture Of such cigar manufac-
turer says that it is wholly impossible
to make a cigar whose actual cost, with
the use of the choicest and most costly
material throughout can exceed
twenty-five cents
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
A 1.-Two Man Slowly Petrifying.

The medical men of Boston and New
York have been puzzling their brains
over q strange case of ossification or pet
rification of live man by the name Of
Jonathan Bass Bass is man now sixty
or sixty-five years of age and has been
gradually becoming ossified into, one
solid mass for the past forty-ive years.
His body is now perfectly rigid in color
and to touch almost exactly like we'll.
seasoned bone, with no more fexibility
about it than there is about stick Of
wood. While unable voluntarily to
make the least move, Mr.. Bass intel
lect is keen and his digestion unim-
paired. Hundreds of physicians and
scientists, both of this country and Of
Europe. have examined this remarkable
freak, all concurring in the opinion that
the case of Jonathan Bass beats any
thing now on record in the medical
books.-St Louis Republic.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
LATER.
Stanley In 8elgium.

BRUSSELS, April 19.-Henry M. Stan
ley, the African explorer, and the party
accompanying him, reached this city at
. o'clock this afternoon. A great crowd
Of people had gathered at the railway
station some time before the arrival OF
the train from Paris, and when Mr..
Stanley appeared he was given an ova-
tion. The city was decorated in honor
of Mr. Stanley and wore gala appear.
ance. The flags of Belgium, the United
States and the Congo Free State were
lavishly used. Tonight the explorer
is dining with the king at the royal
palace.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
THE WELSHMANS WRESTLE.

He Tries to Learn Eng ish. and Ends by
Numbering His Teacher.
Rev. DR.. Frederick Evans told story
at the banquet of the Welshmen to H.
lustrate the difficulties Welshman has
in studying the English language. The
Welshman undertook as his first lesson
from an English teacher this primer
story, very simple to an Englishman:
THAT ploughman has rough field to
plow, and when he is through let him
shoulder his gun as though he was not
tired, and while he is roughing it his
wife is busy with the dough, for which
he should feel thankful, and she has
two children sick with the hiccoughs."
The Welshman was taught first TO-
pronounce 'ploughmau," and on that
''ough" sound he read off the story thus:
"That ploughman has row field to
plough and when he is throu let him
shoulder his gun as thou he was not
tired and while he is rowing it his wife
is busy with the dow, for which he
should be thankful, and she has two
children sick with the hiccows."
OF course the Welshman's teacher
told him that trough" was always
ruff" and thereupon the Welshman
corrected his story, as he thought:
"That Pullman has a rough field to
pluff and when he is thruf let him
shoulder his gun as thuff he was not
tired, and while he is ruffing it his wife
is busy with the duff, for which he
should feel thankful, and she had two
q ildren sick with the hiccuffs.
But through was not thruff, and
SITTER much coaching on that word the
Welshman innocently produced another
remarkable use of the ''ough:"
''That plooman has a rue field to ploo
and when he is through let him shoul-
der his gun as thoo he was not tired,
and while he Is rueing 1t lis wife is
busy with the do, for which he should
be thankful, and shehas two children
sick with hiccoos."
Then the Welshman was taught how
to pronounce dough" and keeping that
in his head made his story more mon
sLrous:
THAT ploman has row field to plo
his gun as though he was not tired and
while he is rowing it his wife is busy
with the dough for which he should feel
thankful, and she has two children sick
with the hiccoes."
Then when the Welshman could mas
ter ''hiccoughs" he capped the climax:
THAT plupman has a rupp field to
plupp and when he is thrupp let him
shoulder his gun as thupp he was not
tired and while he is ripping it his wife
is busy with the dupp for which he
should feel thankful, and she has two
children sick with hiccoughs."
1t is left to be understood that the
Welshman then caught his teacher on .
dark night and slew him with the jaw
bone of an ass and went back to Wales
to the unmolested enjoyment of his own
phonetic language, in which only one
letter, ''y," has more than one sound
Philadelphia Times.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
Eight Hour Men.

The Minnesota Eight-Hour League
net at st. Paul the other afternoon, 400
delegates, representing every large city
in the State, being present A motion
was adopted for meeting of representa-
tives from all labor organizations Of the
State, to be held at a date in the near
future, for the formation of State
federation of labor
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
CAPTAIN JOHN RICHARDSON and his

CAPTAIN JOHN RICHARDSON and his
wife were murdered on the 18th by
burglars near Madisonville, La.
THE Twenty third General Assembly
of Iowa adjourned sine die on the 18th.
The resolution for prohibitory amend
ment passed the Senate, but failed to
receive tho necessary two-thirds vote
In the House.
In indianapolis, Ind, all the union
carpenters went on strike on the 18th
for working day of eight hours with
pay at thirty-five cents per hour.
NEAR Jackson, Miss, the house and
barns of Jerry Bass (colored) were
burned by unknown parties on the 18th.
and Bass and his son Charles were fatal
ly shot. No cause for the crime was
known.
THE twenty-ffth anniversary Of the
death of Abraham Lincoln was appropri-
ately observed in Springfield, ILL.,, on the
18th, and the exercises at the tomb were
impressive.
FoRTY-Two out of sixty-seven towns
voted against license at the municipal
elections in Illinois on the 18th. -
In Logan County, w. Va, many flood
sufferers were ON the 18th said to be in
q starving condition.
The failure of the Detroit Mich
Steel & Spring Company, the largest
concern of the kind in the United
States, occurred on the 18th with liabil-
tiles of $500, 900 and assets the same.
NEGROES on the 10th lynched Samuel
Woody (colored), who killed his father
at Auburn, KY.
The Oregon presbytery decided on
the 10th that all candidates for license
must quit the use of tobacco.
FARMING lands were under water on
the 10Th from Arkansas City, Ark, to
Helena, q distance of $50 miles, and the
destitution and suffering among the
people was great
In the vicinity of Chippewa Falls and
at other points in Wisconsin prairie fires
were raging on the 18th.
The Republican State convention in
Portland, Ore, on the 10th renominated
Binger Hermann for Congressman at
large and D. A. Thompson, OF Portland,
was named for Governor
On the 10th Martin Futrell (colored)
was hanged at fernando, Miss, for the
murder of his wife.
THE charge that Oscar Neebe and Sam
uel Felden, the Chicago Anarchists,
were treated with great cruelty by the
prison guards at Joliet was denied by
the prisoners on the 18th.
FRANCIS MURPHY said at Creston, Ia, ,
on the nth that since he commenced
his campaign in Iowa last winter over
10000 persons had signed the pledge.
DAVID VANEsT's barn, near New
Sharon, Ia, was burned on the 17th,
and sixteen valuable horses welu
cremated.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

BENJAMIN DARLING, who died in the
city asylum at Woonsocket, R. l., re-
Gently at the age of eighty-two years,
invented the revolver type of pistol
half century ago. He manufactured
the arms at Woonsocket, but they failed
as business venture in his hands. 1t
is the same principle which made
Samuel Colt, of Hartford, rich man.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
CHURCHES.

DRFSBYTERIAN.-D ]. G. Riheldaffer,
L pastor. Services every Sabbath at TO- 30
o'clock AN. and at o'clock P. N. Sab
bath school at II o'clock n.
METHODIST.-Rev. F. A. Cone, Pastor.
4S1 Services every Sabbath. at 1880 o'clock
A. N. and at 8 Pm. Sabbath school at IL x.
THRISTIAN.- Preaching on every Lords
" Day at 1U:30 O'Clock A. N. and p. NJ, by
J. G. Harrison. Sunday School at N.
E>PISCOPAL.-Churc Of The Holy Com
~ mumion Rev. !. B. Purves. Ser vice
every SUNDAY. except the last Sunday in the
month, at ] 3D. A. N. and p N. eunday
school at I'm.
NATHOLIC.-Timeso Of service to be an
~ nounced hereafter.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

JUDGE THOMAS T. BoULD1N, of Char
lotte County, Va, owns the plantation
on which his grandfather and great
grandfather are buried, and which has
been in the family one hundred and for
ty-six years, and although he is seventy
seven years of age, he sleeps in the same
room he was born in and upon the same
bedstead he was born on. Judge Boul-
din shows with pleasure the spot where
stood the cabin which his ancestress,
who came from Maryland, had erected
~ 1rhh
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

THE name of a Cingalese gentleman
who has been appointed by Queen Vic
toria to seat in the Legislative Coun-
Gil Of the Island of Ceylon is Panabokke
Samastawikrama Karumatilaka Abhay-
awardhana Bhuwanasekara Jayasundara
Mudiyanselage Tikiri Banda Ratema-
hatmeya, and Oriental courtesy demands
that the full patronymic should be used
whenever there is occasion to address
native diQnitarv
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
JOYS OF Welded LIFE.

scme Of the Delightful Incidents In the
Existence OF Benedict.
The joys of welded life have never
all been written out One Of the most
delightful incidents in the life of a
Benedict occurs at midnight, when he
is routed from his slumbers by his wife,
who strikes two or three well-directed
blows upon his breast with her elbow.
"Wife, what is the matter?'
The lady has drawn her delicate head
underneath the blanket. and is shaking
like disturbed jar of calf-foot jelly.
She says, in a smothered, tremulous
voice:
'Oh, Thomas Tor John, or james,, I
certainly somebody in the house."
''Nonsense; you are mistaken"
"There-there it is again. You can
hear them walking in the parlor.
They're robbing the house. told you
the new servant was a suspicious per-
son."
The husband has, by the time the last
speech is delivered, raised himself bolt
upright in the bed, pulled of his night
cap, and pricked his ears to catch the
slightest sound. After he has shivered
five minutes or SO, the wife again says:
There, now. heard a glass break.
Oh, we shall be murdered! Do get your
pistols, Thomas"
The husband is now really alarmed,
and gets out of bed. He gropes around
carefully; but, Notwithstanding his cau-
Non, falls over a chair, pitches into .
washstand, and alights among the frag-
ments of the water-basin. The lady
shrieks, and asks her husband if the
robbers are in the room. Getting no an
swer, she dashes to the window and
cries: Murder" The husband endeav-
ors to stop her, but the steam is too
high for the safety-valve The neigh
borhood is alarmed, and disturbed faces
are numerous The policeman hears
Murder" cried, and at the terrible
shrieks of the lady breaks the lock of
the front door and rushes in. Several
of the neighbors follow him with lights,
and of sudden the whole picture is IL
Illuminated. The poor husband had cut
himself upon the basin, and the floor is
covered with blood. The wife explains
the cause of their alarm and dilemma,
and, of course, the policeman goes of.
The official never thinks any more of
the matter, but the neighbors never for
get it. The poor husband gets the name
of blackguard and vile brute, and
story goes about that he was caught
beating his wife in dark room at mid
night, with chairs and wash basin, she
being too kind to tell the truth.-N. Y.
TAdper
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
A Locomotive Explodes.

A locomotive explosion occurred the
Ither afternoon on the Rochester &
Plainview branch of the Winona & St.
Peter railroad. 1t occurred just as the
train from Plainview was pulling into
Viola Center. Sixty feet of track was
blown up and the engine completely
wrecked. No one was hurt.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

ALL the first-class race-tracks employ
doctor by the year, or rather the sea-
SON. They pay liberal price, from ten
dollars day upward, and expect him
to report for duty a half hour before
the races begin, and to remain on hand
till all the visitors have left.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

EMIN BEY's salary of $500, 600 year
as an exploring officer in the German
service will enable him to live on the
best the markets of Central Africa af-
ford. Go West, by South, young man,
and grow up with Ethiopia.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

WINE is now transported in Europe in
tank cars, like petroleum in the United
States One recently carried eleven thou
sand litres from Italy to Berlin, and such
transport is looked upon as successful.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24
Death of Caprlvi's Cousin.

Frederick Vonschlegell. Judge of pro-
'ate of Hennepin County for num-
Der of years, died at Minneapolis
the other morning of cancer of
the. liver. He was Republic
an. He had been educated in Ger
many, and served in the German army
in the body guard of the Emperor. He
was also a cousin of Chancellor Caprivi
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-24

THE total loss by fires in the United
States during the first three months of
the present year was sa5, O32, ,625, against
$50, $40. 700 during the same period in
1889, and S37, III. 600 in 1883.