davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04
ITO be continued.)
The Short-Iiyed Humorist.

In fact, so scarce is the funny man,
writes Bob Burdett, that You must seek
for him when you want him. He is not
nearly so numerous as his reputation.
He loves life and light and warmth, and
is so vicious in his mere enjoyment of life
and possibly he sometimes multiplies him
self to ones irrigated imagination, as one
light-winged, restless fly, child of the
summer, seems to be a hundred or thous-
and to the wise-man bent uDon improving
his mind and tempting enternity by read
ing the Encyclopedia Britannica" The
lend man is May fly, living in the sun
shine for one hap py day, and then for
gotten. In semi-critical paper, publish
ed in Harper's Magazine a few months
since, Mr.. Lukens mentions by name about
$50 American humorists who have ma lie
merry with their friends during the past
200 years 1t is pathetic record to stran-
gers Read it and underline the
names which have familiar sound to
your ears. Blot out the names you cannot
remember to have read or heard before,
and if you are under 40 years of age, the
condensation of the paper will startle you.
The people have not keen led into the
wilderness of frivolty by the end man.
Sometimes, the funny 4.an in q moment of
madness, conents to lecture two nights in
succession. The second lecture is almost
invariably a dismal failure. lone con-
secutive night is the limit of the funny
mans course But people do like to be
amused little, and so the end man is
usually put on. Frequently he is informed
and the unconscious seriousness Of COM
mittee-man who so informs him is funnier
than anything in the lecture-that I'VE
have had the very best lectures in the
country on our course this Winter, the
strongest minds and the greatest thinkers
in America. and now our people want
little change.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04
AN ENGINEER IN LUCK.
He Draws 5000 and Invests in a Hon

Mr.. John G. Lowery, who resides at 1904
South Eleventh street and occupies the po-
sition of chief engineer on the Anchor Line
steamboat City of Providence has justreceiv-
ed the sum Of $1,000, collected through the
American Express Co from The Louisiana
State Lottery. Mr.. Lowrey held one-twenti-
eth of ticket No. SO, 1914 which drew the
second capital prize of 500, 900 in the July
drawing. A representative Of the Critic
called upon Mr.. Lowrey at his home, but
finding that gentleman not in he questioned
Mrs. Lowrey as to What disposition her hus-
band would make Of the lucky sum and was
informed that he intended to at once invest
in nice comfortable home. She remarked
that cher husband had purchased many
tickets and had frequently drawn small
sums, but never before in the thousands"
He was of course elated over his success
and fortunately knew how to handle it jul
diciously. II have just received a ticket
MYSELF remarked Mrs. Lowrey, ''and hope
soon TO see my name in print as one of the
fortunate winners. "-St. Louis (Mo.) Critic
August 9.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

confagration. He piled dry branches and
brushwood at the feet of the resinous trees,
and, when the night was far enough ad-
vanced. set fire to them.
Then Yermac posted himself on the side
opposite to the confiagration, in the defile
which presented the sole means of free
egress. Hidden behind rocks interningled
with dwarf cedars, he watched with an
eager eye for the explosion of the volcano.
He had not long to wait; and when the
plateau resembled a sheet of fire and the
entire sky was as red as blood, Yermac re-
coiled in terror from his work of destruc-
ton He passed long hours in anxiety, ask
ing himself if he had not gone too far!-if
he had not devoted to certain death the un-
fortuna hidden in the depths of the
forest! Finally, the gray Of tardy dawn
mingled with the reflections of the confiag-
ration.
The chief of police saw two Siberian
horses dash madly towards him-they were
Yegor's horses, the third having. doubtless,
persisted. His suppositions were verified.
He could not doubt that these horses be-
longed to the fugitives. But why did not
the fugitlves themselves appeara
He had asked himself this disturbing
question many times, when he saw. emerg-
ing from the defle, a group Of struggling
fugitives, whose huge shadows, produced
by the glowing furnace they had left behind
them. stretched out Enthusiastically in front of
them.
''They are here at last!" cried he.
He examined his arEns-his gun and pis-
tolls; they were in good condition. But his
establishment was great when, on raising
his head, he counted seven men advancing
in the light Of the confagration, ACQUIRED
like veritable robbers of the steppe and
armed to the teeth. These people had per-
ceived him and were coming towards him.
They believed themselves tracked and smok-
ed out by patrols of Cossacks, and prepared
to sell their lives dearly.
When within range two of them aimed
their guns at the chief of police and fired.
"A declaration of war." said he to him
self, as the balls hummed about his ears
like swift-Winged bees Il have deternl-
med party to deal with These fellows are,
without doubt brigands, and, though my
authority does not extend to this district, il
is not I who viii shrink from the new duty
the rascals impose upon mo! l will reply to
! them in their own fashion"
At this he stepped behind a bush, which
covered him completely, and discharged
both barrels of his gun at the advancing
group.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

A medium-sized, stout, dark-complex-
Toned man, neatly attired, and evidently a
foreigner, appears regularly every evening
at an eating house at Washington, and as
regularly asks the waiter who serves him.
What kind of pie have you got to day.
The waiter names the different kinds of
pie, including peach, lemon, cranberry,
apple and custard The customer requests
the waiter to bring a piece of the pie first
mentioned, and also glass of buttermilk
As soon as he has devoured this course he
calls for another piece of pie OF a different
kind and glass of buttermllk. He then
continues to order pie until he has finally
eaten FIVE pieces of pie of different kinds
and drunk five glasses full OF buttermllk
The waiter who always attends this pie
eater says that has been patronizing the
house for some time, and that ne has never
changed his order. but always eats this
strange combination of food.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04
Jim CUMMINGS DYING.

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo-, Aug 29-James
Wittrock, better known as Jim Cum
mings,'' the train-robber, is lying in the
penitentiar7 hospital suffering from acute
rheumatism, from which it is said he will
never recover, as it has reached the heart.
The picture of the girl he was in love with,
and who indirectly was the cause of his
arrest, has been sent to the hospital at his
request, and his mother has been tele
graphed for. She will be here Saturday
Jim" has wasted away during the last
two weeks until he is only skeleton He
suffers great agony, but does not com
Main
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04
BLEW OUT HIS BRAINS.
A Hotel Man Commits Sensational Sui
eide AFT Scranton Pa

eide at Scranton, Ia.
SCRANTON, Pa, Aug. 26.-The city was
thrown into a state of excitement this
morning, by the suicide of Scott Shoe
maker, one of the best known hotel men in
this section of the state, and at the time
of his death was night clerk at the Forest
House. Shoemaker entered the Wyoming
bar-room at 7:30 o'clock with Commercial
Travellers, J. C. Van Norstram, of Ian
caster, and Darcy. Ellis, of New York.
After chatting and joking for few min
utes he sat down, pulled out revolver
and blew out his brains. The cause of
the act is not known, but it is thought
there is woman in the case. Shoemaker
was a member of one of the oldest far hes
in the Wyoming Valley.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

SAN Francisco, Cal. Aug. 28.--From
information received by the schooner
Arago. which has arrived from the north,
it is learned that the revenue cutter Rush
was at St. Paul's island August Is. She
is not making any seizures, but Is simply
ordering the sealers out of Behrlng sea
under threat of seizure. In every such
case the sealers have left Behring sea. The
Corwin had not arrived at Ounalaska
when the Arago left.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04
Its Excellent Qualities

Commend to public approval the California
liquid fruit remedy. Syrup of Figs It is
pleasing to the eye and to the taste. and by
gently acting on the kidneys. liver and
bowels. 1t cleanses the system effectually.
thereby promoting the health and comfort
OF all who use it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04
BEECHAas PILLS cure Bilious and Nervous Ills.

Wichita woman predicts that the world
will wind up on the 10th Of November. The
public viii have to wait just three months
10 find out whether the prophets at Wichita
are as bad as the poets.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

Women are not slow to
comprehend. They're quick.
They're alive, and yet it was
a man who discovered the one
remedy for their Peculiar all
ments.
The man was Dr.. Pierce.
The discovery was his Ca
vorite Prescription the boon
to delicate women.
Why go round with one
foot in the grave" suffering in
silence misunderstood when
there's a remedy at hand that
isn't an experiment, but which
is sold under the .9,uarautrr
that if you are disappointed
in any way in it, you can get
your money back by applying
to its makers.
We can hardly imagine a
woman's not trying it. Pos
sibly it may be true of one
or two-but we doubt it.
Women are ripe for it.
Thew must have If. Think
Of a prescription and nine out
of ten waiting for it. Garry
the news to them!
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

REV. II. 2. CARSON, Scotland, Oak,
says: Two bottles of Hairs Catarrh Cure
completely cured my little girl" Sold by
Druggists, 75c.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

A woman in Salem, n. j., thirty-four
years ago lost two silver coins in slit in the
floor. Last week, the floor being taken up
for repairs, she instituted q search for the
long lost money and found it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

Lows and hardship like no fellowship"
You can ease life by using SAPOLIO, and
that increases home happiness. 1t is solid
cake of Securing Scan. Try it
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

The seat of sick headache
is not in the brain. Regu-
late the stomach and you
cure it. DR.. Pierce's Pellets
are the Little REGULATORS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

The first shipment of se&lskins to London
this season left Victoria by the Canadian
Pacific last week. They filled seven cars
and were valued at $50 600
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

DR.. Bulls Worm Destroyers are not new
and untricd. For thirty years they have
stood the test of usage, and their large sale
is due to merit only
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

Clarence Graham, the eignt-year-old
Saginaw boy who was SHOT auI supposed
t. ,e fatally injured July 4, has lived since
h,n by breathing and eathing through a
IL CT tube. The doctors now hope to
save. his i,fe.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04
Gard of Thanks,

If the proprietor Of Kemp's Balsam should
publish Il card Of thanks, containing cx-
pressions of gratitude which come to him
daily from those who have been cured Of
severe throat and lung troubles by the use
of Kemp's Balsam, it would I'LL fair-sizcd
book. How much better 10 invite all to call
on any druggist and get a free sample bottle
that you may test for yourself its power.
LarGe bottles Soc and $100
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

By the late cyclone in Finland, almost I'M
precedented in so northerly a region, some
100, coo trees have been blown down between
Viborg and Vilmannstrand.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

Over 110o00-to be exact, Ill, 5S9-emi-
grants embarked during the last quarter
from the various ports of the British Isles.
These include 81, 46S foreigners
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

A peach grower of Stone Creek township,
New Jersey, going over his orchard the
other day, found but half dozen peaches
on l. 700 trees
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

The best cough medicine is Piso's Cure for
Consumption. Sold everywhere. 25c.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

More diseases are produced ny using brown
and perfumed soaps than by anything else
Why run such terrible risks when you know
Dobbins Electric Soap is pure and perfect
Dobbins' prevents hands from chapping.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-09-04

1t may interest some Of our readers to
know that more than one supposed author
ity declares that the ieaYes Of the tomato
plant are moro medicinal !lIan the fruit.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-05-05
SHOT IN HIS CELL.
Respited Death Convict Killed I'm O
South Carolina Jail.

COLUMBIA. sc. May 5-wilie Leapheart.
colored. was shot and killed in Lexington jail
last night. Tins is tho extent OF the inior-
nation thus far obtained 10y Gov. Richardson.
Leaphear. was convicted OF rape on Rosa
Cannon. young white girl st
her home while the rect OF her family
were away and was sentenced 10 be hanged
April a.. Learning OF an attempt 10 lynch
hlm. notwithstanding the death sentence.
Leaphart was brought 10 Columbia for safe
keeping upon the advice % the Judge who
tried hlm. The people of Lexington be
came greatly eXasperated aud pub
lie meetings were held denouncing the gov
ernor for the removal. and declaring il 10 be u
reflection upon the dignity of the county ana
Its ability 10 shield its prisoners. strong dele
CATION waited on the governor and Judge,
and after personally pledging themselves for
Leapharts safety while IN Lexington jail
they were allowed to take him back. The
governor has telegraphed for full particulars
Leaphart had been rcspitcd TO allow time Tor q
motion for a new trial ON the grounds of after
discovered evidence deemed sufficient by Judge
Wallace.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-05-05
FIRE AND SNOW.
The Virgin Pine of the Red Lake
Country Wrapped In Flames.

RED LAKE. MrSS., May 5-An Indian courier
arrived here last night from the vicinity OF
Rcd Lake aud reports that forest fires are
sweeping across the west angle Of the Red
Lake reservation. recently ceded 20 the United
States by the Chippewa Indians. Millions of
feet OF virgin pine have been destroyed. and
unless the heavy storm Of wind and snow now
prevailing has extincuished the flames. or at
least checked them. the loss Will be enormous
he district burned over and laid waste Is part
OF the territory IN which Canadian timber
thieves have been carrying on operations for
years, and one effect OF the forest fires will be
70 drive the thieves back into Canada, perhaps
for good.
Prayers were offered from a thousand
churches IN Minnesota Yesterday tor cOntin-
u"nce OF the heavy snow storm all over the
state. The prairie hrrS IN the vicinities Il
GIll river, osakis. Ruslsford and ~. Cloud are
remote rom great forests. and last nights re-
ports, far As received. all show that the
heavy snow has practically oblIterAted the free.
The forest fire az Northern Pacific junction wss
greatly exaggerated by the station agent from
whom the Information came. A special from
Hmckley last night SAYS all danger Is over
telegram from Buffalo 10 the ~. Paul fire de-
partment recalls the request for assistance
made last night, as the town IL out OF danger
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-05-05
ACTION OF THE UPPER HOUSE.
Appointment of Committee to Super
intend the Funeral.
SUSPENSION DAY IN THE HOUSE.
The Chaplain Refers in His Prayer to Sen
ator Beck's Death.
SENATE.

There was an unusually large attendance Of
Senators present in the chamber and of spec
tators in the galleries this morning when the
opening prayer was offered by the chaplain.
MIR. Beck's desk and chair were covered with
black Grape, and feeling of solemnity seemed
to pervade the chamber The chaplain made
feeling allusion to the shadow of death
under which the Senate met
MR. BLAC KBURN's ANNOUNCEMENT.
AS soon as the journal of Saturday was read
Mr.. Blackburn rose and. in a voice tremuous
with suppressed emotion, said: Mr.. President,
my colleague is dead. 1t is not my purpose at
this time to speak either of him or of the great
services which he has rendered to his country In
the freshness OF the sorrow. the love which bore
him would blind with its tears The drapery
of his desk furnishes fitting type of the sor-
row which pervades every heart in this cham
Der. A great commonwealth. with bowed
head, today puts on the weeds OF mourning. At
an appropriate time, and i'll the early future.
VIII ask the Senate to afford to his friends ali
opportunity to pay their tribute to his memory.
Will now ask the Senate to consider the reso-
lutions which send to the clerks desk
THE RESOLUTIONS.
Resolved That the Senate has heard with
great sorrow of the death of the Hon James
u. Beck, late Senator from the state Of Ken
tucky.
Resolved That committee of seven Sena-
tors be appointed by the President pro tenn
pore to take order for experimenting the fu-
neral OF Mr.. Beck. which will take place to-
morrow CTuesday) in the Senate chamber at
O'Clock p. m, and that the Senate will attend
the same.
Resolved. As further mark of the respect
entertained by the Senate for his memory. that
his remains be removed from Washington to
Kentucky in charge of the sergeant-at-arms and
attended by the committee, which shall have
full power to carry this resolution into effect
Resolved That the secretary communicate
these proceedings to the House of Representa-
tlves and invite the House Of Representatives
to attend the funeral tomorrow, Tuesday, at
O'Clock, and to appoint like committee.
Resolved, That invitations be extended to
the President of the United States and the
members of his cabinet, the Chief Justice and
the associate justices of the Supreme Court
and the diplomatic corps to attend the funeral
in the Senate chamber.
Resolved, As further mark of respect, that
the Senate do now adjourn.
The following Senators were appointed as
the committee to superintend the funeral:
Messrs. Blackburn, Harris. Vance, Kenna,
Dawes, Evarts and Manderson
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-05-05
THE EsHERIrEs ENJoINED.
A silly Church War In Illinois Receives
Temporary Truce.

NsrERvILLE. Ia. May 5.-The Esher faction
Of the First Evangelical Church of tins place
fearing that the anti-Esh,rites would secure
possession of the church Yesterday took the
precautIon Of mailing down the windows and
doors The Esherltcs were somc what sur
prIsed. however. when their minister. the Rev.
Mr.. Schmus, and several Of the trustees were
waited upon by sheriff Ashley with an mjunc-
ton. giving the Rev. Mr.. Fry. tAe minister OF
the opposite faction, the right 20 the pulpit
and the EshcrItes from interfering until it -
decided which of the two ministers IL in the
right. The Usher faction refusing 20 give up
The church Keys an entrance Was gained to the
church through rear door. The sunday
school and church was held IN two divisions.
The Eshvritcs, with a few exceptions joined
the faction OF the Second Evangelical Church
and held services aud sunday school in College
Chapel The autl-EshcrItc faction Of the Sec-
ond Evangelical Church held sunday school
and church services IN hall.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-05-05
The Curtis Di. Case

In the case of VIM. H. Curtis against sallie
W. Curtis, in which the husband asks divorce
on the ground of adultery and desertion. and
the wife denies the charges and makes similar
charges against him in a cross-bill the hus-
band today by Mr.. F. p. Gloss filed an answer
to the cross-bill- He denies the charges therein
made, and, reasserting the charges in his bill
says she was immoral, unchaste and adul-
ferrous, aud he does not believe that
she ever loved him, but consented to marry
him simply as a means of concealing her reia-
tions with other men. He denies that he has
any source Of revenue other than his salary az
police officer. While willing that the divorce
be granted, he says he is not willing that the
decree be made under the cross-bill
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-05-05
HOUSE.

In his prayer this morning the chaplain made
feeling reference to the sudden death of Sen
ator Beck, speaking of the deceased as a man
large in understanding, schooled by work,
ripe in experience, dauntless in courage, kindly
by nature and habit, whose patriotism was
unsullied, his integrity and honor above sus-
picion, the dedication of whose days and nighte
powers of mind and body to the common wea,
we're absolute.
CONFERENCE ON THE CUSTOMS ADMINISTRATIVE
BILL.
On motion of Mr.. Mckinley (Ohio) the Sem
ate amendments to the customs administrative
bill were non-concurred in and conference
ordered. Messrs. Mckinley. Burrows and Car
Isle were appointed conferees.
On motion of Mr.. Wallace (N.Y.) the rules
were suspended and a bill was passed for the
sale OF portion of the navy yard and naval
hospital lands in Brooklyn to the city of
Brooklyn for market purposes.
OTHER BILLS PASSED
Under suspension of the rules the following
bills were passed: Senate bill to establish two
additional land Offices in the state of Washing
ton; Senate bill authorizing the Arkansas Pass
Harbor Company to improve Arkansas Pass: a
bill for the issue of ordnance stores and sup
plies to the state Of Maine to replace similar
stores destoyed by fire, and a bill for the re-
moval of the Us. court house building at Bal
timore, Md
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-05-05
THE HYDE PARK MEETING.
The Press of London Recognizes the
Force of it.

LONDON, May 5.-The PoR MoE Gazette. COM
menting upon yesterdays labor demonstration
in Hyde Park. says: The marvellous spectacle
will cause yesterday to rank among the most
decisive days in the industries of England The
demonstration was spontaneous. genuine
working g-cass movement No continental
country could produce so striking a sign OF
earnestness as was afforded by the enormous
professions pouring in streams of human beings
into the park.
The II. James Gazette admits that an enormous
number of men took part in the demonstration.
but minimizes its Importance. 1t places the
number OF men in the park at 250OO0. but
claims that a large portion of them were idlers
The Times, Standard and the press of all
shades OF opinion agree that the demonstration
was OF an impressive and significant character.