Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1890-12-10
MR.. BowsER TRIES ATHLETICS.

Mr.. BOWSER TRIES ATHLETICS.
! BE GOES INTO 1T WITH VIM THAT NEARLY
ENDS HIS EARTHLY CAREER.
A large bundle, tied with ropes, CANA W
to the house the other evening, and had
not had time to pry into the contents wher
MIR. Bowser came in. I waited until afasr
supper and then asked:
'Have you got new hobby, Mr.. Bow
sel?"
"Did you ever know me to have ahobby,
new or old?"
"You are regarded as man of hobbies" "
81 am, eh? Then it is by few idiots.
| No man in the country is more clear of hob
bies. lam often told that am too practi
CAL"
"WeH, what is in the bundle?'
"a DOCTORS resoription-health-
| longevity. In other words, don't pro-
pose to pay any more doctors bill"
"Why, you have wonderfully good health,
Mr.. Bowser."
Sand propose to keep it. l haven't
been exercising enough. l have brought
home small outfit"
/
are strong and healthy and you can make
no change for the better"
''There you gol Always opposing every
thing dol I wouldn't have your spirit for
boatload of gold"
"Well, don't blame me, as usual.
"Blame you? As usual? Who ever blamed
you? should be sorry to suspect you of
being light-headed, but you are acting very
queer Mrs Rowser"
No more was said, and he got out the
tools and lugged his bundle upstairs and be-
gan fitting up his gymnasium. In about
an hour he called me up. He had two
weights at the end of two cords running
over pulley, and as he worked one and
then the other he said:
"This exercise strengthens the arms,
shoulders and chest. feel like new man
already. See those clubs?"
eyes"
"Well, those are,Indian clubs. They are
more particularly for the arms. They are
worked thus and thus-and''-
He was swinging them over his head, and
one fell upon his bald pate and he sank down
as limp as bag. l tore off his collar, ran
and got water, and by and by he sat up and
asked:
"What was doing?"
GAcrCiSluR Will LILO CAuuS' Auo"
you'd do it."
"And when my back was turned you hit
me on the top of the head with hammerl'
"Of course not. How can you be SO
foolish?'
He maintained an attitude Of severity to-
ward me for about an hour, and then slip
ped back upstairs to practice with the
dumb BELLS slipped up after him, pre-.
tending to hunt for an old coat, and pretty
soon asked him what particular benefit
he expected to derive from the use of the
bells.
"Develop the arms and chest, of course"
he replied.
"But you weigh 200 pounds now.''
"That's nothing to 90 with being strong.
It's muscle Pm after"
'What fol?"
"For fifty reasons. Suppose shoald be
attacked by loafel2''
"Yes."
Suppose grab burglar here in the
house9'
"Yes,"
s'Suppose foot-pad should try to hold
me up?''
"What would you do?"
'Do? Do? Watch meP'
He began making vigorous motions with
ten pound bell, and catastrophe follow
ed. He hit the wall with it, let 60 his hold,
and it fell upon his foot. Then he yelled;
And whooped. And howled. And hobbled
about, and he said he'd get even with me
if it took thousand years
care you blaming me, Mr.. Bowser?" I
asked. as found achancc to get in word.
''Of course you're to blameW
"What did l do?'
mo matter! I expected it from the first,
but it's a long road which has no turn,
Mrs Bowser! You just wait!'
I got him downstairs and rubbed his foot
with arnics, and after two or three days it
was all right again think he enjoyed be-
ing asked why he limped, and think he
told all inqulrers that he had just put up
fifty. pound bell when the roof of the house
gave way and portion Of the chimney fell
upon his foot. I heard him hammering
away upstairs again, and went mp to ask
him what he was doing.
'sArranging, the bar" he replied.
.'What for?''
ITO exercise on"
"Why, Mr.. Bowser, you are not going in
to practice again, are you?"
"Cartainly. I am not to be dismayed by
two or three slight accidents.
81 wish you would let 1t alone. You are
clumsy and awkward, and you will. hurt
yourself severely before you knew it,"
"Are you talking to me?''
"Of COURSE"
"Clumsy and awkward, eh? That's all
right! just what might expect from you!
That's reason, however. why should per-
sist in this"
"Well, if you get hurt again don't blame
me-"
''Humph! Get out of the way"
"What are you going to do?"
"Practice at the bar. Look out for my
legsP'
1 think he tried to catch one of his feet on
the bar or to let 60 and swing with one
hand. At any r4te he suddenly descended
to the floor with an awful crash, jarring the
centrepiece loose in the next room below
and bringing up the cook to inquire:
s'Is he dead this time, ma'am? If 80, let
me congratu late you"
He wasn't dead. but he had bruised his
hips ard shoulders and famed his back. 1t
took me full hour to get him to bed, and
he had nothing to say nntil had telephon-
ed for doctor. Then he suddenly Observ-
ed:
81 suppose you have already destroyed
the evidences of your guilts"
"What do you mean?"
"The ropes suspsnding the bar. Soma
one cut one of them while l was perform
ingr'
''And you lay 1t to me9'
II have nothing to say-not just now.
If alive tomorrow we will end this state of
affairs in as satisfactory way as possible.
La o.der to shield you as long as possible
shall tell the doctor that fell downstairs"
Detroit Free Press.
Never place SO much confidence in your
minister as to sleep during the sermon
Denver Road.
FROM ST. JOSEPH HOSPITAL.
A young girl here had been suffering for
12 years with Blood Diseases until she had
lost the use of her limbs, and was subject
to many troubles incident to the disease
The physicians declared her case incurable,
ond rrodiota6 thot hor lifo NOR, In c0una f0