The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1890-06-10
The Arizona Kicker.

EXPLANAToRY.-We owe our read
ers an apology for the half sheet We
were obliged to issue this week. Mon
day morning, as we entered the post.
office after our mail, which, by the
way, is five times as large as that of
any other establishment in Arizona
Mr.. Wsnamaker's man Friday, who
was appointed postmaster against the
protests of nine-tenthe of our people,
came out in the corridor and de.
manded personal apology for what
the Kicker said about him list week.
In our pioneer days. when We lived
on roots and hadn't second shirt to
our back, We used TO get down and
crawl whenever requested. We felt
that we hid to. We were a tender
foot and Licked sand. A charge
came. We hsvn't been doing any
creeping for the past two years. On
the contrary, We have had the revol-
yer and the o.he: man ha. done the
four-legged act.
Therefore, when Wanamaker's Fri
day demanded an apology, and took
us by the ear to inforce obedience, we
lit onto him with a weight of TWO tons,
and hal HIM hOllerIDg Tor mercy Iu
side of two minutes Before letting
him up we took his gun away, and in
some manner il was discharged, and
the bullet went through our right
hsn,!. The wound will prevent our
using the pen for some weeks, and We
must dictate our copy.
MORE EXPLANATORY Wanama-
ker's man Friday has a brother named
Jim, who is loafer and a cur from
away back. We stated last week that
We believed he stole moneyed letters
from the mails, and the statement
seems to have put some ''grit" into
him. After We had licked his brother
and got back to the office Jim came
sneaking down the street and fired n
us through the window. He had q
shot gun. but he fired So high ia: no
one was touched, and he vas GU. of
sight before we got to the door.
In few days We are going on a
hunt for Jim. We shall locate him
and walk in On him and slice off his
ear and nail il on our office door. LIE,
him sccept this notice as fair warning
of our inteu:iO:s. While he didn't
hit us with any of his buckshot, the
idea of sach cbucka'oU firing at us
with intent to kill ratified our nerves
end sent W. t. bed when we ought to
have been getting out copy.
FURTHER ExPLANAToRY-Some
three weeks ago a wiId-eyed guyasti-
cuts entered this town by the dirt
road and struck us for ''sit." He
gave the name of j. Melville Graham,
and claimed to have furnished all the
brain fodder for most of the New York
pspers for the last ten wears. As
he offered to work for four dollars
per week and buy his crack
ers aud cheese at our grocery, we
didn't question him closely as we
otherwise might. He had worked two
days when he got hurt, and what did
the lop-eared brother of a hyena do
hut 90 IF and get drunk and lay
down just where Colonel Ravens
drove of mules would run over him in
going tn water! He was trampled
out of sight into the sand, and on top
of our other troubles we had to hire
him dug out and buried. But for his
kick-Over We could have issued full
sheet and got it out in tine. We've
had him carried of to one corner of
our privste burying ground, and shall
mark his grave but We don't mourn.
THE LATEsT.-If our readers are
not satisfied with the above explana-
tons we have another to fire at them.
Owing to Our wounded hand We
could not do a stroke of writing. We
could dictate. however, and we hired
young Bill Ellis, son of the old rep
rebate Ellis, To oct Is our smanuen-
sis. We had dictated about half a
column wnen he differed with us on
how to spell Cordial He insisted
that it was 'couul, and rather than
see the English language knocked out
We ceased debating, fired Bill out,
and gave on old tramp printer SO
and told him to go ahead and run out
half sheet. It's all we could do
under the circumstances, and We beg
the indulgence of our subscribers.
Next week We shall be ell right, and
We promise an issue of the Kicker
which will make the sand fly in fifty
Detroit Free Press.