Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1890-08-14
The ARIZONA KICKER.
westward tho Star Or Empire ana SO
Forth.

ss~----
Westward the star of Empire and So
Forth.
Among the many good things in The
last issue of the arizona Kicker we OK.
tract the following:
Our GAIN. Monday afternoon ON
Italian with o dancing bear struck The
town, and half an hour later Col.
Siderial Thompson, Assistant Register
of Deeds, awoke from snooze he had
been enjoying in an armchair in the
Mighty West billiard parlors. When
the Colonel saw the bear dance he
made up his booty mind to have Q
waltz with him. His friends called
him off, but he was pig-headed and OBJ
stinate and refused to stay off. He
suddenly jumped in on the bear with q
yell and q whoop, and being new to ouz
ways the beast probably supposed him
self attacked. At any rate he set to
work with teeth and claws, and SO used
the Colonel up in about three minutes
that he died that night. The general
verdict of the public is that his loss is
our gain. He had no enterprise as q
citizen, and as man some of us would
weeks anyhow.
SETTLED AT LAST. AS will be noticed
elsewhere in the regular court pro-
ceedings, the legal trouble between the
editor of the Kicker and Prof. Mccall
has at last been settled and an amicable
understanding arrived &C. The profes.
sor came here about two years ago, and
being in hard luck borrowed our only
Sunday shirt and fifty cents in cash,
and later on refused to either return
the same or recognize our claim. We
posted him as dead beat and he sued
us for $4,000. We proved him big
amist and he fired two shots ut us in
front of the postoffice. We advised
lynching, and he was laid up for a
month in the attempt to horsewhip us.
The professor instituted no less than
five suits against us, and ON several
different occasions planned our assassin
alton.
Day before yesterday, while the pro-
fessor was laying for us with shotgun
at the postoffice, he was run over in q
stampede of mules. We were the first
to reach him and render aid. He was
carried to The Kicker Office in an un.
conscious condition, and it was half an
hour before he came to. Mutual friends
seized upon the occasion to settle the
trouble, and their efforts were success.
full. We now desire to announce in
Italics that the professor is an honest,
worthy gentleman, possessed of fine
voice and we'll qualified to teach the
divine art of music. On the other
hand, he subscribes for The Kicker,
paying in advance, of course, and adj
vertises to the extent of 1914 per year.
APPLY To THE CORONER as our
outside pages were going to press Judge
Knight called at the Kicker office and
invited us to ride out to Lone Tree with
him in his horse and buggy, and hall
an hour later we were there. The boys
had preceded us, and we found them In
q circle around CDR. b. B. Belinger,
late of the Royal College of Medicine,
of London-the only discoverer of a
sure cure for consumption" The doc
tor has been with us about q month,
claiming to cure almost everything on
earth, but after his remedies had
knocked over half dozen of our citi-
zens the boys concluded that it was
time for him to drop out. He refused
to drop. Hence a committee called
and asked him to take walk. He had
taken the walk and stood on q barrel
when We caught sight of him. There
was connection between the doctors
neck and stout limb, and he was MAX
ing speech.
The doctor recognized us at once and
besought us to explain to the crowd
that he was in a hurry to leave the
country. He couldn't fly, but he would
do the next best thing. Although he
had not advertised with us, and he had
given all his job-work to our contem-
porary, we could not refuse his request.
AS personal favor to us the boys,
after letting him hang long enough to
insure good case of sore throat, cut
him down, gave him nip of whisky,
and advised him to go east. He went.
The last we saw of him he was making
such time as no jack-rabbit in this
country can ever hope to equal. Any
one having any legal claim on 105 bot
ties of consumption cure, together with
a machine for making pills, two packs
of cards and Office furniture valued at
1926, will please apply to our worthy
coroner. While DR.. Belinger still lives
to the world at large, there is no doubt
that he is dead to this community
Detr0 oft Free Press.