The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1890-11-13
WISE AND orHERM1sE-

"What is the End of Fame?n-Well,
nowadays, William, it seems to be write
eulogies on soap.
1t is the cry of the dealer that his imi-
tation is ''as good as old Saul's Catarrh
Cure" This should convice you which
is the best.
Large sales indicate the merits of all
good articles. Dealers sell more of DIR.
Bulls Baby syrup than all other rene
dies for the cure of baby disorders.
In journalism assignments often pre-
cede failures. In the financial world
they invariably follow failures.
Hoods Sarsaparilla has steadily in
creasing popularity, which can only be
won by an article of real merit. Give it
trial. .. ...
Humorist-My output of jokes is now
| hundred a week.
Friend-And what is the returns?
HumOrist-About ninety.
FTiend-Dollars?
Humorist-No; jokes.
THEY HAVE NEVER FAILED
have been sick more or less for the
last ten years, which has cost me MANY
dollars in doctors and druggists bills.
The last two years it only cost me three
dollars. Why? Because / used Sulphur
Bitters instead of employing doctors.
They cured me of jaundice.-F. F. Boyd,
Hoboken.
Rapid Work-Assistent Editor: Do you
know, Spacer was telling me that he
wrote that big batch OF jokes he brought
in yesterday in less than two hours.
Editor = That's nothing. | rejected
them all inside of ten minutes.
CURE YOURSELF
Don't pay large doctors bills. The
best medical book published, one hun
dred pages, elegant colored plates, will
be sent you on receipt of three 2-cent
stamps to pay the postage. Address, A.
p. Ordway d Co., Boston, Mass.
Feeble Material-C Caller: Why don't
you have more literary features in your
paperp .. .. i. t.ifnrfsrf .r'
Editor Freeport Shrek of Freedom-I
tried a book-review column a month
ago, and all received to write up was a
hair-renewer calendar, Budd's pill al
manac, life insurance prospectus and a
copy of Ten Dollars for One; or How
to Swing Green Goods" stopped it.
WE CAUTION ALL AGAINST THEM.
The unprecedented success and merit
of Ely's Cream Balm-a real cure for
catarrh, hay fever and cold in the head
has induced many Adventures to
place catarrh medicines bearing some
resemblance in appearance, style or
name upon the market, in order to trade
upon the reputation of Ely's Cream
Balm. Don't be deceived. Buy only
Ely's Cream Balm. Many in your i'm
mediate locality will testify in highest
commentator of it. A particle is ap-
piled into each nostril; no pain; agreea-
BILE to use. Price so cents.
A Diplomatic Editor-Editor to Miss
Oldgirl, aged about forty: Your work
shows promise, madam, but do you
know that good literary work is seldom
done by woman until she is thirty or
thirty-five? Several years hence you will
be able to write available articles.
Miss Oldgirl, as she leaves-That was
the most delightful man ever met.
For Over Fifty Years.
An OLD AsD WkLL-TRIED REMEDY Mrs. Wins
lows Soothing Syrup has been used for over |
FIFTY YEARS by Nj LIONS OF MOTHERS Tor their
CHILDREN WHILE TEETHIEG, with PERFEcr Sue |
CESS. II SooTHBs the CHILD, SoFTEHs the GUNS |
ALLAYs all PAIN; CURE VIM collie, and Is the |
DeSL TefneOy IOT DIAhHHOkAs sold by DrlQRfstQ |
In every part OF the world. Sc sure and ask for
Mas. WMsLow's SOOTHING SYRUP. and take no |
other kind, Twenty-Five cents bottle. l7yi |
The Western editor defiantly asks
brother to take up his glove, to which |
the other responds: Certainly. GIVE us
a pair of tongues"
will you say grace?' said the editor,
As the minister took his seat;
And the latter CRIED, as the food he spied,
Lord, give us something to eat
Talking Shop-First Printer: Business
and lovemaking never work well to-
gether.
Second Printer-Oh, yes they do.
When 90 to see my girl put her form
TO press and imprint kiss on her lips.
Lovely type of girl, she.
The Office BoyTThey'sa man outside
with bill. tr.,-f
The Editor-Tell him I'm dead.
The Office Boy, after going out and re-
said he was sorry, sir
clean forgot TO tell you that tn bill was
five dollar one t pay subscrip.
He dvertised-"Send ten cents and
learn how to find the day of the month
without calendar ...-ra .,f
Ten cents was sent and the instruction
was given: ..r.. ,t..ff.
"Find out the date of the day before
yesterday and add two" III
Picked His Place--Saint Peter: Who
were you? D ra
New Spirit-I was the author of the
best school grammer of my day.
Saint Peter-Take seat up there Just
below Lindley Murray. Well, what is itp
Another Spirit-Can't have that va
oo,,N .ooN oha,,o Ts..Ilr., Af,.....o