The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-05-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

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A grain of common sense may be of
more value than scruple of con-
science Teras SittiRgS.
Gladstone's axes are in great de-
good feller. -NOrrfStOlCR Heratd.
Some men are born great, some
achieve greatness, and some are United
States Senator's Washington Star
Get thee behind me. Satan,' is said
By some people because they feel like
they need little pushing. = WashingtoA
Star.
The dog may have his day, but the
cat certainly takes the cake so far rs
the night is concerned.-P Philadelphia
Times.
The time when a Congressman is
'.out of order" is when he has been
out all night with the boys.-BoSton
Courier
It's wonderful how much women car
stand until you see them doing it in 4
car where all the men are seated
Philadelphia Times.
Jack-"Miss Kaw owns 10000 acres
of corn land in Kansas" Bob-"Job's
turkey! Is she SO poor as that? ?''-
Washington Star.
He fairly dotes on her, but her fa-
ther won't let him in the house" THE
old man must be something of an anti
dote. ."-HaTper's Bazdr.
Teacher--'What does the proverb
say about those who live in glass
houses?" Small Boy-"Pull down the
blinds. ."-Teras SJtings.
A man is like a chicken; he will
leave plate of meat to run after an
other chicken with a bone in its
mouth.-AtchiS0n Globe.
is Smifkins working for the Gov
ernment now?" "Yes-er-that is to
say, he is employed by the Govern
ment. y Washington Post.
''Do you believe in signs?" Ger
tainly! When | see free lunch in a
window | believe | can get something
to eat within. n-B0St0n Heraid.
'.In Congress and ''incongruous'
are terms that sound much alike, and
indeed they aren't always so different
in meaning. = Washington Post
1t is mighty hard-hearted woman
who can't weep over the poor little
orphans left by the bird which adorns
her hat.-IcrFc HaUte Express.
Il am sorry your hired girl left you.
But you say you expect her back y
ANY moment | see the kerosene can
coming down now."-N. Y. Sun.
There probably never was woman
who said an unpleasant thing to man
that she did not add that she was tell.
ing him for his own good.
Globe.
The fashion editor of frontier pa
per, about the time of an Indian scare,
said he was sorry to observe that
whoops were coming in again. Teas
Sytjngs.
Squiggs-"I never see you and Miss
Maryann out together any more. Have
you quarreled?" Bliggs - mo, not
exactly. We're married. ."-Binghana-
ton Republican.
An impecunious Terre Haute young
man, who has become a brother by
brevet to seven heiresses, calls them
1.-The little sisters of the poor. ."-Ierre
Haute Express.
Penelope - isn't it detestable to
hear man keep time to the music
with his feet?n Jack-''O, the music
probably appeals to his sole. ."-Nan-
seys Weekly.
Where is the man with enough moral
courage to try and find out conclusive
ly whether Il suspicious-looking bill is
counterfeit after he has once accepted
it?- Washington Post.
Watts-"When my wife wants to
know what kept me downtown so late
l always tell her like a man" Potts
''In other words, you lie out of it. >
7erre Haute E1press.
Polite Pedestrian-(Who has unwit-
tingly served as IL stumbling-block to Il
gentleman afflicted with intoXication)
Beg pardon. sir. Didn't know you
were loaded, sir. life.
Cigar Dealer-'I am tired of that
wooden Indian as sign. What would
you suggest as an appropriate emblem
for my business?" Smoker-''A cab
bage leaf. ~ Y JO'trndl
Will believe editors weigh care
fully all manuscripts sent to them. .
Bill (an author)-''Yes, in order to as
certain the amount of return postage
necessary. y Yankee Blade.
He-''K kerosene my dear. rubbed on
the neck and head is positive cure for
hog cholera,'' She-.'W 'Why-have you
tried it? didn't notice any improve
ment. ."-AmericaR GrOcerS.
An exchange says: Don't blame
the world when things go wrong"
Most men do not. They simply raise
a row in the family and meet the world
smiling. Constitution.
One way for a man to find out how
many friends he has it to put Il billiard
table in his house. And well-stocked
sideboard and the number can be
easily doubled. 1eras Sytings.
Shopper-.'You may give me dol
lars worth of those strawberries.
please" Dealer-'.Sorry, ma'am. but
we don't slice strawberries. I'll sell
you a whole one for $50. IN. J.
Sun.
Talk is cheap 20 is it? If you'd
hear the plumber and the carpenter
and my cook talking for two hours al
my expense yesterday you'd have
thought it blamed expensive. ."-Har
per's Bazdr.
Tommy Are all bald-headed mel
near-sighted. papa??" Papa-'1 thinl
not; why do YOU ask?" Tommy-'.A
the pantomine | never see any bald
headed men in the back part of th'
theater Boston Herald.
St. Peter (to newly arrived spiriD }
MADAM. you will have no need o
that sealskin sacque in this summe
land Mrs. De Fashion-''O, let me
wear it, please. Never mind if l dc
nearly roast. I'm used to that. N
Y. Weekly.
Papa said Mabel. ''were you eve
in an ice-palace?n No" said the oil
| gentleman. but I've had to get up d
| 5 o'clock in the morning i'll January t
see what was the matter with tn
heating apparatus. and guess Ii tr
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