Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-02-07
WORK OF THE WITS.


TT is a long lane that has no tumble
for the bicyclist.
SOMETHING attractive in the way of
cigarette holder pretty girls mouth.
NIABEL-Amy, what has become of
your ~anti-s1ang society," Amy-Oh,
it's In the soup.
Tommy wish the schOOI-rOom was
round Mother-Why? $50 the teach !
er couldn't make me stand In the
corner.
1t is the man who orders a room on
the top floor who takes up the most
room in writing his name on the hotel
register.
PHILADELPHIAN- Pittsburg any
thing of a literary atmosphere? Pitts
burger-Yes, 1t Is noted for its volumes
of smoke.
The infant King of Spain is to have
his portrait put on postage stamps.
This viii make him more stuck up"
than ever.
"DID you have a spicy call?" she
asked sarcasticaIly, after his return
from the haunts of the festive Glove
between the acts.
WE know men who insist at every
point upon beating their way through
life, but we observe that they all draw
the line at a carpet.
MOSES KLEIDERsrEIN - Sarah, my
dear, don't let Rachel come out: dis
shentelmans looks too enticing in dot
new suit of clO' he's going to buy
ONE of the heather customs which
lady missionaries have to get used to is
not to look pleased when natives tell
them their babies look sweet enough to
eat.
MUDGE-If I were to lose my mind,
do you suppose I would be aware of it
myself? Doctor BOless - You would
not. And very likely none of your ac-
quaintances would notice it, either.
IN the back Farlor, before supper:
Mother Carries coming-out is a sue
cess, Jamesi Father tdisgustedly)-
Yes, indeed! There she stands Look at
her! Could any one ask for any more
Of her to come out.
YABsLEY- These nOvelists make me
tired. The idea of a whitening glance"
As if any one could be withered by a
mere look. Wickwire- You are young
yet, Yabsley. You never stepped on
your wife's train at a ball
New Minister-Is your papa at home,
J.
I understand that he is one of the pill
lars of my church Little GirI-Oh,
yes, he's always at home to ministers.
Ministers dent have bills, you know.
NJ. PERETTI has written a book to
prove that Columbus was a COrsican.
We believe it, for when Isabella asked
him if, with the proceeds Of her neck
lace, he could get down east by sailing
Vv-lr4 ho Il Etflf
can"
well, I can't see any fun in attend
ing court, said an Observant old hldy.
every time o winess goes to tell any
thing that's got anything to do with
the case, all the lawyers jump up and
boiler, and the jedge rules the testi-
mOny out"
eyes, Flossie," said her mother,
"poOr Willie Waffies never saw his IA
Their. He died before Willie was born.
This seemed to affect FIOssie very
much. well, mamma, she said, draw
ing a long breath, "Tm glad you didn't
die before 1 was born"
A PARTIAL victory: First bOy-Oh, I
got away with mother to-day. She
tried to make me come in the house so
she could whip me, and I wouldn't do
it. Second bOy-BuIly for you. w hat
did she do? ooh, she whipped me,
but she had to come out in the yard to
do it.
AN ALPHABETICAL WOOING.
Let others talk of L Ms eyes
And K rs figure light and free,
Say L r too is beautiful
heed them not while . @.
. need not n them, for .
X L them all, my III L b.
have no words when would tell
How much in love with y I B.
So sweet . r, my D r p,
love your very + q G;
And when you speak or sing, your voice
Is like a WinsOm L o D.
When q r G, hope D KS,
/ mere nCn-N z 7,
Such + b K has your smile
1t shields from y u " q.