Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1890-11-13

and thirty-three cents apiece. I've got
bills to paw tomorrow for lumber and
bricks, and my third will pay 'em. II 1
don't I'll go to pieces. You don't want
to see me break up business, do you"
Now, jerry says I, that won't do. You
haven't got enough to divide into three
parts. Putty and me agreed to go halves
with what we get out of you, and when
/ lay out piece OF business 1 don't
make no changes. Half of that money
is for me, and half is for Putty. So just
hand it out, and don't let's have no
more jabberin'.'
"Jerry he looked at me pretty hard
and then says he: You're about the
close-fsted and meanest man ever met
with. Here offer you third part OF
my money, and all you've got to do is to
take it and go away peaceable. I'd be
willin' to bet two to one that it's more
than you expected to get, and yet you
are not satisfied; now I'll be hanged If
I'm going to do business for YOU sYou
can be hanged if you like says /, sbut
you'll do the business all the same No,
1 WON'T says he, and he turns to. Putty
Henderson. Now, Putty says he,
you've got pile more sense than this
pal of yourn, and I'm goin' to see if
can't do business with you. Now, you
and me together can lick this Tommy
Randall just as easy as not, and If you'll
help ne do it I'll not only divide the
money with you, but I'll give you fifty
dollars extra, so that instead of fifteen
hundred and fifty dollars-that'sa all he'd
given you, if he didn't cheat you-you'll
have sixteen hundred, and I'll have fif-
teen hundred instead of the thousand
and thirty-three dollars which 1 would
have had left if my first offer had been
took. So, Putty, what do you say to
that?' Now, Putty he must have been
little sore with me on account of the
arguments we'd had about dividin',
and he was mighty glad besides
to get the chance of maxim fifty dollars
extry, and so he said it was all right,
and he'd agree. Then thought it was
about time for me to take in some of
my sail, and says 1: Jerry, that's pref
ty good joke, and you can take my hat
as soon as get new one, but of course
don't mean to be hard on you, and if
you really have bills to pay tomorrow
I'll take third, and Puttyll take an
other, and we'll go away peaceful NO
you WON'T sings out jerry, and with
that he jumps out of bed right at me,
and Putty Henderson he comes at me
from the other side, and, between the
two, they gave me the worst lickin'
ever got in my born days; and then
they dragged me downstairs and
kicked me out of the front door, and /
had hardly time to pick myself up be-
fore saw policeman about block off,
and if he hadn't been fat one he'd had
me sure. 1t wouldn't have been pleas
ant, for was a good deal wanted about
that time.
$50 you see, ladies and gents, that it's
true what l said things don't always go
right in our line of business no more
than any other one."
81 think you were served exactly
right" said Aunt Martha; land 1 won
der such an experience did not induce
you to reform"
SIT did, ma'am, it did" said the burg
lar. 81 made vow that night that if
ever again had to call in any one to
help me in business of that kind /
wouldn't go pard with him. I'd pay
him 80 much for the job, and I'd take
the risks, and I've stuck to it.
"But even that don't always work.
Luck sometimes goes agin man, even
when he's working by himself. 1 re-
member a thing of that kind that was
beastly hard on me. A gentleman en-
ployed me to steal his daughter"
''Whatr exclaimed my wife and Aunt
Martha. ''Steal his own daughter!
What do you mean by that?"
sThat's what it was," said the stout
burglar, mo more nor less. I was rec
commended to the gent as a reliable
party for that sort of thing, and 1 met
MIN to talk it over and then he told me
just how the case stood. He and his
wife were separated, and the daughter,
about eleven years old, had been given
to her by the court, and she put her into
a boarding-school, and the gent he was
goin' to Europe and he wanted to get the
little gal and take her with him. He
tried to get her once and it slipped up,
and 80 there wasn't no good in his show
in hisself at the school any more, which
was in the country, and he knowed that
If he expected to get the gal he'd have
to hire professional to attend to it,
"Now, when heard what he had to
say, l put on the strict pious, and, says
1, That's a pretty bad thing you're askin'
me to do, sir, to carry away little gal
from its lovin' mother, an more AN
that, to take it from a school where it's
gettin' all the benefits of eddication.'
'Eddication, says he; that's all stuff
What dedication the gal gets at school
like that isn't worth row of pins, and
when they go away they don't know
nothin' useful, nor even any thing tip
top ornamental. All they've learned is
the pianer and higher mathematics. As
for any thin useful, they're nowhere.
There isn't one of them could bound
New Jersey or tell you when Washing
ton crossed the Delaware THAT may
be, SIR says l, but them higher branch
es comes useful. If Washington
really did cross the Delaware,
your little gal could ask somebody
when it was, but she couldn't ask em
how the pianer was played, nor what
the whole multiplication table came to