Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-08-23
JOHNNY REB JOKES.
Stories from the Other Side of the Late
Ensanguined Chasm.

Ensanguined Chasm.
From the Chattanooga Times.l
Once General Hardee came across astrag-
faster and keep up with his command"
The soldier wished to know what in
the deuce he had to do with it,
''Only that | am General Hardee, the
Commander of this department" was the
reply.
a'0h, you wrote book on tactics, did
your"
~ did," said the General.
'fWell," said the private, II have been
taught according to your rules how to
double column at half distance. Now
wish you would tell me how to double dis
lance on half rations."
General Hardee stuck spurs to his horse
and travelled on.
Early in the war one of the men in a
South Carolina brigade was on picket duty
| $50 called near Manassas. There was not
! a Yankee within twenty miles ofus at that
time. The next day there was to be an
inspection, and our hero had taken his gun
all to pieces and was rubbing it up so as to
make it shine the next day when inspect
ed While so doing General Barham, who
was unknown to the soldier (who was a
new recruitl, rode up. "What are you do
ing there ?" said General B. ooh, am a
kind of sentinel; who are you, any
how ?"
"Oh, am only a kind of Brigadier
General" was the answer
''Hold on; wait until l get this darned
old gun together and | will give you
| III &c ~ ,1ra.a,,t ii tba eo,t,,oI
But General Barham did not wait. He
went off and reported the luckless soldier,
who, in short time, found himself "a
kind" of prisoner in "a kind" of guard
house and had to do number of extra
hours of duty as "a kind' of sentinel.
On one occasion man from Georgia
had been very persistent in personal appli-
cation to General Lee for furlough. One
morning the General asked his tormentor
if he understood the position of soldier.
The latter said he did. He was ordered to
assume it. General Lee then gave the
command, fright about face; forward,
march" AS he never gave the command
to "halt" the Georgian kept on marching
until he got tired; but this little hint
cured him, and his next application was
through the usual channels.
When General Malone was wounded at
second Manassas some one, to comfort Mrs.
| Malone, said: "Oh, don't be uneasy, it's
only flesh wound" Mrs Malone,
through her tears, cried out: "Oh, l
know that is impossible. There is not
flesh enough on him for that"
/ don't know whether this is joke on
the General or the private. A day or so
after the old First reached Manassas juno
ton, in August, 1861, one of the men, who
did not clearly comprehend his position,
had the impotence to ask General Beau
regard "where certain big guns that had
Just arrived from Richmond were to be
placed" The General replied; HYoung
man, If the coat on my back knew the
secrets of my heart | would cut it in
pieces"
On the Peninsula the gallant and jolly
General Bankhead Magruder had ordered
meal Tor himself and staff. A hungry
reb-and who ever saw one that was not
hungry came up to the farmhouse
espied the riicely-flled table, and, without
annihilate things. Just then the General
and friends walked in, escorted by the
host. All were surprised.
"Haltw said fiery Magruder, in terms
more explicit than polite; do you know
whose table that is you are eating at ?"
mo, sir" said John Reb, with his
mouth full. "Whose is itw
General Magruders sir, the COM
mander of this department"
"All right, General with another big
mouthful. "These war times | amt par.
ticular where eat or who eat with sil
down and make Yourself at home"
The foraging private was unceremoni
ously fired out, but not before he had
nearly gotten outside of a pretty square