The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-11-26

Chatter.
Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are those she utters when
You've tried to kiss, and trying. missed her
And she says. go practice on your sister
What was Noah's wife's name?"
Joan, wasn't itp"-N. 7. San.
Troubles sometimes come singly,
after all; all children are not twins
AtcAisoas Globe
How to catch fish is study. How
to lie about it comes natural.-Nea0 Or
cans Pic0ystaae.
The number 13 is not SO anlrcky il
you put mark like this before it:
B. Washington Post.
'.How high are the White Noun
tainsP" They vary. From $5 to $15
day."-M 7. Herald.
20. I wish I'd been a man." cried
Mrs. Bjonson. II wish to Heaven you
hadr' retorted Mr.. Bjonson. = The
Epoch.
Atlas carried the world on his back
and not in front of him as it is carried
by great men of the present day.-Dal-
las (Ier.) Nesos.
Little Turtle owned Chicago in 1890,
but he had so little snap to him that
the place did not grow much while he
was proprietor. = -CourieT-Jour7adE.
'.That man made money just by
his sand" .,What?" "Yes. He's a
brickmaker. .''-St. Joseph (No. J Nesos.
A man never, seldom ever, knows
how to use his own ideas quite as we'll
as the ideas he has picked up.-Daltas
(Ter. Nea0s.
A woman can disguise her wrinkles,
debts, and deceptions from man, but
she can never hide them from another
woman Atchason (Kas. Globe.
The interesting question IN some cir
cles is: How can the depositor retain
his equilibrium when the cashier has
lit out with his balanceP Philadelphia
Press.
Don't be hurt at what you think is a
lack of sympathy. The spot on your
nose that looks SO big to you is hardly
visible to any one else.-Ierre Haatte
Express.
Editor-''Your poem contains some
sparkling gems.' Idyl (proudly)-
..Indeed!'' Editor J you should
caught them. ."-Ihe Epoch.
A Louisville pie factory is about to
be established in Washington. There
will be no nine months session of Con-
gress after this factory gets in opera
tion.-AtlaaatG Constitution.
Talking Shop-Mrs. Snodgrass-'
think Mrs. Laker must be from Chi
cago.n Mrs. Snively-"Why?" Mrs.
Snodgrass - Because she saws @,
lard!' so often. y Vest Shore.
David Crockett is to have a monu-
ment down in Tennessee. This is a
reward for Dayy's good fortune and
foresight in not being buried in New
York City.-Ptts6urg Dispatch.
1t is simple enough to be a great
man; keep your mouth shut, and when
you see a dollar grab it.-Atchison
Globe. Grab it any way and explain
to your constituency later.-New Or
leans Picayune.
I'VE sent our young boy to college,"
writes a German editor, land after
three years hard study he didn't know
how to hitch mule to a wagon and
couldn't run a straight furrow to save
his life. What are these colleges good
for anyhow"
.The discovery of America in 1892
was great event, wasn't it pap" re-
marked Congressman's son. Yes,
but it doesn't amount to anything at
all compared to what some of these
politicians are going to discover in
1892. y Washington Post.
The Senate has put sponges on the
free list. This is like carving Goals
to Newcastle. No man ever yet spent
an evening with sponge who does
not know that these persons are and
always have been on the free list.-N.
At dinner at which Archbishop
Ryan of Philadelphia was present, at
Mount Desert, it is narrated Walter
Phelps said in the course of a discus
sion of the Irish question:: But you
must admit Bishop Ryan, that many
practices of the Irish in Ireland to-day
are treason.n "Ah, but treason is
reason in Ireland on account of the alb
sent T., retorted the Bishop.
De Montmorency Smith (hoping, yet
fearing)-"Well, Miss Maurice, I
await your answer" Miss Fitz-Maur-
ice-tI shall have to say no, Mr..
Smith. 1t is possible I might learn to
love you in time, but as an American
young woman who owes a duty to her
cannot consent to become
of the Smith family. 1t is too
large already. y Chicago Tribune.
O'Dowd-" bedad, the days at
hand, O'Brien, whin there'u be no
tinants in ould Ireland" O'Brien-
AN whin's that?" O'Dowd-'Whin
the landlords that's there is all abshen-
tees. an whin the tinants is all land
lords" O'Brien-.''Arrah, but there'n |
shtill be wan tenant left, O'Dowd.n |
who'll he be?" O'Brien
The Lord Lift-tinant.n - HaYper's |
Bazaar.
ut strikes me. john" observed Mrs.
Billus, ''that when you arrange for
your brother Horace to come and |
spend the whole summer with US ii |
looks as if you thought more of your
brothers comfort than you do of your
wife's. Good gracious. woman!n
Mr.. Billus. You don't ex-
pect me to feel toward you as do to-
ward my own flesh and blood, do |
you" p"- Chicago Tribune.
Attorney defending prisoner charged |
with swindling)-''You Honor, one OF !
the witnesses alleges that my client !
rung a cold deck on him. A cold !
deck, your Honor. it may be necessary
to explain, is a" Judge (of Mon
tana court, severely)-.'The assump-
ton that the court doesn't know what |
a cold deck is, Mr.. Sharp, is an i'm
pertinence that will subject you to a
fine for contempt if persisted in. Pro-
ceed with your argument. u Chicago
Tribune.
The Sunday-school teacher had been
reading the story of the fall of man.
told us what Adam
said, and what Eve said, and what
Satan said, but that can't be the whole
Of it. What did Chauncey M. Depew
sayp" Teacher = ''Chauncey M. De-
pewP" Scholar "Yes; he always
comes into the stories the governor
reads in the papers. If you can't tell
what Chauncey said the story's no
good. I've got SOS always to look for
what he says, and reckon no story's
straight unless he figures in it.''-Bos-
ON Transcript.