davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
THE organization of the Allegheny Car

THE organization of the Allegheny Car
negie Library having progressed nearly to the
point where it will be necessary to elect a
librarian, candidates for that useful and honor
able position are coming forward. Among
them the name of Mr.. Erasmus Wilson, for
merly of THE DISPATCH, is prominently men,
toned. Mr. Wilson won his newspaper repu-
tation by the treatment of topics of current in
terest in an unconventional m amer which
brought them close to the popular apprehen-
sion. The same qualities would be likely to
prove valuable in methods of bringing literary
subjects within the reach of the people and
stimulating popular interest in them. Mr..
Wilson's many friends in the newspaper pro-
fession would be glad to congratulate him, if
he should be selected to that important post.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
CURRENT TIMELY TOPICS.

OUR office boy wants to know what makes a
buzz saw,
ELEPHANT Tippecanoe's heart was too large
for him to carry and last week he keeled over and
died. 1t is said of 'Tfp'' that he was the first
elephant to die suddenly, but the people who
have died suddenly from the loyable dispositions
OF elephants is past counting.
IT is said that a little over 1000 divorces were
granted In Kansas the past 20 years. The record
Is a good one, considering the number Of drug
stores that dispense poor whisky.
A MAN has been fined $40 for snoring in
New York church. Considering the fact that
there are no flies in the winter time to keep man
awake in church, the fine was an outrage and
should be remitted.
The Wheeling Register has donned new
spring suit. IL now looks as lovely and sings as
brightly rs the robin in the parks yesterday.
AUNT MATILDA RUBY has just died in Ken
lucky at the advanced age Of 1856 years. She has
been an inveterate tobacco fend for many years.
and but for the use of the obnoxious stuff, might
have lived on forever.
AN amendment to the Oklahoma bill in the
House, which has passed. prohibits the sale of in
toxicating liquors until after the adjournment Of
was added. no doubt, for the purpose of allowing
the members to ride home.
On Thursday Hungarian of Milnesville,
Pa, put up his wife, furniture and crow at
auction. number OF the woman's admirers
were present, and one of them finally captured
the prizes for So. II any State in this broad unt-
verse can beat this now IL the time 70 spsas.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Color Only N Vibration.

MATURE. in short, gives an external verify
to all the delverances of the senses; that
the things seen are red. white, sound smooth,
hard, soft, sour, sweet just as they impress US.
In all these nature lies, and the truth here, as
before, is simply pons asinorum. The red
color of the table is only vibration of a certain
length and rapidity, as believed by all scien-
lists, which produces upon the mind the i'm
preston of red. If the vibrations were little
slower or faster. as we see in the change.
which color5 undergo during the progress of
the day. the color would be black or white.
Different kinds of paint produce vibrations of
different length and swiftness and that gives
all the variety of colors seen in nature.
In fine, the farther this subject is pursued
and the deeper nature is probed, the more de-
ceitful and void of probity she becomes. She
is mans butfoon and man is her jest, and she
seems never to tire of the comic burlesQue.
PROF. JAMES NJ. PRYOR.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
FRESH LENTEN LOGIC.

SNAP SHOTS FIRED AT POPULAR TARGETS
BY THE DISPATCH PHILOSOPHER.
To be Returned.
asked her if she loved me-
She said, yes"
Said I, ''Then you will give me
Just one kiss"
She said, her loving glances
On me bent,
II will, but it's not given,
Only lent"
And as I pressed the darling to my breast
Said ], "'Twill be repaid with interestp'
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

Now WE hear that a fve-cent fare from
Hazelwood to the city over the new electric
line is foregone conclusion. The era of cheap
transit rates is coming so rapidly that we may
soon expect the day of cheaper rates for the
shorter distances, by sales of ticket books or
communication tickets
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Lovely Woman.

Oh woman in our hours of ease
Uncertain, coy and hard to please
And variable as the shade
By the light quivering aspen made;
When pain and anguish wiring the brow,
A ministering angel thou!
But when you at the play do wear
A seven-storied hat, swear
(And so Pm sure will other men)
You are not deemed an angel then.
Not much. You put me in rage;
see your hat, but not the stage,
And pain and anguish wiring my brow
For quite nuisance then art thoul
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
UsURY In THE WEST.

The complaints as to usurious interest,
especially in the Far West, are multiply
ing, and some of them are accompanied
with specifications that seem to justify
fault-fnding. One case is reported to be
that of a sober and industrious man in
South Dakota, who, being in need of ready
money, gave note for S55, on which he re-
ceived $50, and, after paying S51 30 in in
terest in thirteen months, without getting
any deduction from the principal, gave up
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
The Clover Clnb Banauef.

On Thursday evening next the famous
"Clover Club" of Philadelphia, will tender
farewell banquet to Hon. Charles Emory Smith,
United States Minister to Russia, a member
of the club, at the Hotel Bellevue. There
will be a feast of reason and flow of soul. Mr..
Leonard Wales of this city. will attend the
banquet as the guest of Hon. E. s. Stuart,
President of the Pennsylvania State League
OF Republican clubs.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
No Better in PENNSYLVANIA.


There is no better newspaper in Pennsyl-
vania than THE PITTSBURG DISPATCH. Its
Sunday edition is whole library in itself,
while the circulation of daily and Sunday edi-
tions has reached figures never before attained
by paper west of Philadelphia. In every de-
partment THE DISPATCH approaches close to
perfection. The people want more of it, and
the proprietors find themselves obliged to pur-
chase another of Hoes wonderful perfect
ing presses early in the new year. The DIS
PATCH is great newspaper.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
THE OLD SABBATH.

Sweet Sabbath of the human soul,
We long and wait for thee;
Thy perfect peace, thy pure control,
O'er every land and sea.
Thou know'st no day, the years were young
When yet thy perfect law
Ofliberty and love first sprung
From God without a flaw.
Thou know'st no creed nor race nor time,
But over every hour
OF consecrated life divine
Flows thy immortal power.
As after every labor, kind
Nature brings her rest
To weary hands and hearts, so bind
Thy peace across our breast.
o, holy Sabbath, born Of love
Before the morning stars
Sang in the heav My choirs above,
Come. heal the nations scars.
w n. Thor1e.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

THE price of Rio coffee is going up. 1t i:
asserted by the trade that neither the manipu
lation of a corner nor the monopoly of trust is
producing this result, but the scarcity pro
duced by short crops for three years past. Il
this is the case-and the assertion appears to
be well corroborated-the advance in the price
of that food staple is simply one Of the hard
ships for which no one is to blame. That is a
very different matter from the cases where the
cost of life for the masses is enhanced for the
benefit of combination.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
A UNIQUE AFFAIR.
The Second Presbyterian Church to be the
Saano af N Chinasn Wodhinn

The Second Presbyterian Church to be the
Scene of n Chinese Wedding.
Chinese wedding that will interest great
many people will take place at the Second
Presbyterian Church Friday evening" March
2S The title roles will be assumed by Miss
Minnie Howard and Mr.. George Heron. They
will be attended at the altar by eight BRIDE
maids, Misses Maud McLain, Kate Foster,
Ada Foster, Lou e. McLain, Vida McCul-
Tough, Anna Heron, Margaret Sutherland and
Nellie Becker. Miss Katharene Howard and
Mr.. Howard Wright will act as parents OF the
bride, and the minister, or go-between, will be
Virginia McCreery.
Elaborate Chinese costumes will be worn by
all who take part in the ceremony. and appro-
pirate music will make the entire performance
highly interesting.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

gestions of the press to conine the Con-
gressional Record to the report of what is
actually said, are wholly beside the mark.
How can the Senate be expected to come
down from its lofty attitude Of declaring
that its fat settles questions of existence and
non-existence, TO a sublunary and limited
theory that its authority can only state
things as they actually are, and must con-
fine itself to the groveling rules of common
Sense2
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

From the Baltimore Americana
There are 2ll Presbyteries in this country.
OF these, Sc have voted on the question of re-
vision-3S favorably and 18 in opposition to any
change. The same proportion, if carried
through the entire Presbyterian membership,
will make the members to ! for revision.
Perhaps. it would be safe to say from the facts
at hand that such is about the case.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

From the Cincinnati Times-Star.l
Alabama has been shipping iron to Pittsburg
and Boston florists always send a few carloads
of exotics TO New Orleans for the Mardi Gras.
We shall only reach the climax of incongruities
when Pennsylvania competes with Mississippi
as cotton-growing State, when Florida mo-
nopolizes the ice export business and Alaska
raises all the worlds oranges.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

WE are surprised to observe the Demo-
cratic New York Times criticising the act of
the Hon. Baby Mckee. in setting off the White
House fire alarm when there was no fire. as
"a criminal proceeding" The natural expec-
tation would be that the Democrats would re-
gard the young McKee's act as doing the best
he could to raise an alarm over the policy of
the Republicans in Congress.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

THE great coal strike in England does not
seem likely to make the cost of manufacturing
English iron any cheaper in the near future.
The struggle, therefore, if maintained for any
length of time may prove more beneficial to
the American iron industry than to the English
workingman.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

From the Oil City BliZzard.1
1t is claimed that nearly all the postal clerks
and carriers who become thieves began by
stealing letters addressed to lottery agents,
which they know are almost certain to contain
money. The lotteries should go, though it is
Just about as profitable for lottery patrons to
have their letters stolen in transit as to reach
their destination.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Accomplished Her Dearest Wish.

From the Washington Times-Star.1
There is now no question that Cincinnati,
after years of effort to be recognized as the
musical center, has accomplished hear dearest
wish. AT musicians convention in that town
recently Baltimore local, No. II, was e1com-
municated, expatriated and expelled because it
had employed a musician who had been dis
missed from Pittsburg local, No. 15
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

IT is somewhat aside of the mark for some
of our contemporaries to warn the Tory critics
of Lord Randolph Churchill that they are
scarcely safe to abuse him lest he be provoked
to retort in his well-known and pointed man
ner. A consideration OF the last speech of the
young Tory Democrat will show that they can
not provoke him to do more in that line than
he has already done: and that they are now
doing their Intellectual best to get even.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

THE horrible case of child slaughter in
Allegheny yesterday can be dismissed as a case
of sudden insanity. With the lunacy of the
slayer established beyond doubt Immediately
after the killing it is not consistent with the
credit of human nature to suppose that so pur
poseless a crime could have been committed
before the lunatic had lost his mental balance.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

ONE of the beauties of machine politics
is presented by the spectacle of two deputy
sheriffs of New York, who are accused of SELL
ing extraordinary privileges to prisoners con-
fined in Jail, presenting their designations to a
sheriff who is on trial for fixing up court to
present MIN with bogus divorce. When the
differences between the officers of the law are
only in the variety of the corruption and in
justice which they perpetrate, there is need for
very radical reform.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
An Economical Girl.

Jennie-George 1 think you will have to turn
that gas down little lower.
George-Certainly, darling. The request is
an evidence of your affection for your father.
You do not wish his gas bill to be large.
Jennie-Exactly SO.
Father (who has overheard the foregoing con-
versation)-Never mind, George; burn her high
or burn her low. the meter works all the same.
Jennie-That's SO. papa, and the best thing
you can do is to turn it off altogether.
George-Amen!
Father-Yes. So 1 had the electric light
company place one of their lights in front Of
this parlor and they are about to turn on-ha!
see. there it isl Floods with light this apart
mentl '-lH ....,.t -.- esd
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

IF Senator Stanford can get liberty for
the farmers to put as much water into the
m ortgages he proposes fo- their relief as has
been put into Senator Stanford's railroads, the
farmers might have a good thing, when some
one is found who will pay for the inflated
vol
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

''Is religion a failure is the question
raised by the Christian Union, which says that
the daily newspapers are inclined to answer
the question in the affirmative. This is an
error. There is no general tendency to assert
that religion is failure; but wide impression
prevails that some of the people who make en-
phatic professions of it. are gross failures. -.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

HARDLY any better investment for the
welfare Of the coming generation can be made
than a subscription to the fund for the News
boys Home. A very few dollars spent on these
little street arabs will yield rich returns of I'M
proved manhood in the future.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Hal Hni
The FnibeP-in-Law.

Scene: Boston Woman's Club. Time 1900
Mrs. S.-Have another cup of tea, dear2
Mrs. H.-Thank you, dear; but 1 must get
home.
Mrs. s.-Why should you hurry? Your hus-
band will not chide you if you are a little late
Mrs. HIT is not my husband, but my father
in-law that fear; he is staying with us at
present.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

JUDGE HILTON is stated to have bought
the Stewart property at the corner of Broad
way and Ninth street. Did he sell it to himself
according to the approved methods of corporate
millionaires7 If so 1t would be an interesting
matter to learn what was the cash considera-
tion he gave for it.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Pitfsburg LIN dies to Attend Games.

From the Savannah Morning News.J
Twenty young ladies of Pittsburg. Pa, have
formed themselves into a club to attend base
ball games in that city. The membership is
Just about the size for two female mines" and
such enthusiastic admirers of the game will
probably take to the diamond.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

IT is pleasant to observe that we have had
one grand jury which attended to its business
promptly and won the approval of the Court
This is such degree of progress as to raise a
hope that in time the Court will be able to get
constables to return all the speak-easies.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

THE Vesuvius has now demonstrated her
ability TO sling dynamite out at sea with the
same reckless prodigality that has been shown
on land. Foreign nations will please take
notice and abstain from knocking any chips off
our shoulders.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

The statement that Miss Marie Prescott
has lost her divorce suit because she did not
know where she lived, is slight Offset for the
large number of people who have won divorce
suits by being able to swear that they lived in
any place that was convenient.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Other Little Decepfi0ns.

TN many other ways nature deceiyes us; and
only by observation and experiment are we
enabled to entrap her in her lies. When look
ing in mirror or body of clear water she tells
us there is man on the other side; she tempts
us to walk upon the beautiful snow, but says
nothing of the treacherous ice she has care
fully concealed beneath. And we would never
be any wiser were it not that in the sequel we
find our heels where our head ought to be and
vice versa. She lies to u.s. when If we look in a
convex mirror, she tells US that we are as fat as
'tFalstaf'' and in a concave that we are as
lean as "Cassius.' She lies to us when she says
pool of water is only two feet deep when in
reality it is six; that stick standing in water
is bent when we know it to be straight; that
mountain is only a mile or SO away when it is
ten; that speck of dirt on our eyelash is a
coon on a distant tree; that the grass is green
when we know that no colors exist in nature.
Thus, when we look at a table painted red,
nature tells US it is red and all the world be-
lieves nature in this statement. She tells us it
is really red and not that the color is a mere
quality which our eyes paint upon it. She
tells US also that the color is external verify,
and would be SO if there were no eyes to be-
hold it.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

WITH the Australian system provided for
the whole country, by act of Congress, the ex-
pectation that corruption will be wiped out of
politics will be perinitred-until experience
proves the contrary.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

IF MAINE can ship us ice at prices within
the reach of modest purses it will be crafty
ing evidence that that far-eastern State can
furnish the rest of the nation with something
more than building stone and statesmen.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

THE fellows who use dishonest means to
get money in small amounts are being found
out rapidly. Only wholesale dishonesty, on the
scale of millions, rises superior to the adage
that honesty is the best policy.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Short and sweet.

THE man who has to mind his wife is often
found minding the baby. too.
THE woman who hasn't real sealskin will
soon be as happy as she who has.
GERALDINE asks: IF marriages are made in
heaven, where are the divorces madeTo In
Chicago. dear.
jokes about the sealskin jacket are far
fetched, and the humorist who makes them is
in danger of getting the sack.
GEORGE RUsszLL JACOBSON.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

A NATURAL gas line to the Westview oil
field will, we hope, be the precursor Of an oil
pipe line to bring large product from that
field to Pittsburg refineries.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

When Jonah was cast overheard
The sailors laughed in glee,
And cried: "Down goes McGinty
To the bottom of the sea p
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

where shall be held the great Worlds Fair?r,
Ger this no more men make the jaw 60.
And though New York may rant and swear
The fairs to be held in Chicago.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
Touchsd Her on the Righ. Spot.

Recently bereaved widow-(to caller)-I am
afraid I will be poor company to-day for you.
Friend-Why nope? Come out and take
walk through the streets. 1t will do you good.
R. B. W.-Ohl could not think of it.
FL saw some lovely mourning styles as
came along.
X. B. W.-(with interest)-1ndeedI Well,
perhaps a walk through the streets would do
me some good.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
College Boys Jokes.

NEARLY allied to the "bull' is the term known
among students in college. pons aslnorum.
The seniors. when in frame of mind to enjoy
little joke, at the expense of the freshmen or
sophomores. will introduce some fact or SUBJ
ject for discussion or friendly interchange of
opinion, the truth of which is the opposite of
what appears. The latter, being comparatively
unsophisticated and void of suspicion, will in
all probability, answer according to appear
ances and against the truth Their position is
then disclosed to them amid shouts of derision
from the seniors. In this case the truth is said
to be pons asinorum, or ASS bridge, and
that In making our debut into life it may posi-
ply have been by the "ass's bridge"
The rising and setting of the sun is a pons
asinorum to everyone who does not under
stand the solar system and who, following ma
ture's appearances. believes that the sun does
to natures assertions and her appearances are
one ana the same thing; and when she says
there is horse, a tree or mountain, we find it
to be generally about as nature says. And
when she says that the sun rises, moves and
sets she does so with the same emphasis the
same apparent sincerity as when she tells US
there Is a mountain. Again, when it thunders
nature tells US there is great commotion and
noise in the upper sky, and tells it with even
more sincerity than usual; and but few people
to this day doubt her utterances in this state
ment when, in reality, il is only another pons
asinorum. There is no noise or commotion in
the outside world. The noise is in our ears.
Something is going on in nature which starts
the drums of the ear to beat the "reveille"
and that is all the sound there is. What it is
fecrs US to produce that impression, we do not
know. But we do know that if there were no
ears there would be no sounds. Sound, being
purely subjective. belongs only to the body.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
let us go INTO the kitchen.
Poor Prospect,

First Poet-Have you done well this winter
Second Poet-Very well.
F. P.-So have 1; but Pm afraid
s. P.-Afraid of what?
F. P.-That the winters work will be followed
by a spring idyl.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16

LET US hope that the mountain of tariff
revision and surplus reduction labor will bring
forth something more than the ridicuLus mus
of slight deficit.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-16
WANT AN EIGHT-HOUR DAY,
Chicago Union Carpenters Issue nm Ad-

dress to Their Brethren.
CHICAGO, March 15-The union carpenters
of this city to-day issued circular, copies of
which will be sent to carpenters unions all
over the country. 1t notifies the guild that
they propose to demand eight hours work per
day at 40 cents per hour April next. and
that they expect to be compelled to strike to
get their demands.
They ask the trade to prevent union car
penters and as far as possible, non- union car
penters from coming here to take their places.