Wichita eagle., 1890-02-28
WAYS OF BRIDEGROOMS.
THRIFT DISPLAYED BY SOME OF
THEM AT, THE ALTAR.

Gay, ana not lLbie amusement Is 10 De de-
rived from watching the behavior of people
who come to you to get married, for instance
81 remember when l had parish in the
country big rough farmer drove up to my
house one day with blushing, giggling dam
sci in his wagon. After had married them
the bridegroom said:
| moneys scarce in these parts, minister,
sd / can't raise more than enough to pay my
taxes this fall but I'll draw you two thump-
| in big loads of cordwood when snow comes
! for this job
II told him had to take so large part of
my salary already in cordwood that l didn't
care to marry people for it, but the job, as
he called it, couldn't be undone and cord W God
was better than nothing.
| HIS THRIFTEST
"There are plenty of men, too, who want
to get the thing done as cheaply as possible,
and are prepared to haggie over the fee.
:" Is that all there is to itP they say, when
| the ceremony is over. Pretty short, amt it!
| Didn't take much trouble. What's the fee,
! sir! Times is hard just now and
| "'Oh, just pay whatever you think your
| wife is worth always say to these fellows,
with a smile at the bride. That generally
stops the haggler and raises laugh against
| him.
1.-The thriftiest man who ever came to me
for this purpose, however, was one l met
in Canada. where had parish for short
time just after came out from England, my
native land. He came alone and opened the
conversation in this way:
"'What will 1t cost me, minister, to get
marriedp
1.-TWO dollars for the license said, and
two for my fee
'Wh-e-e-w,' he whistled -Four dollars!
Isn't there any cheaper way than thati'
"'You can get along without the license
1 said, 'by having the bans published by me
for three successive Sundays in the church.
"'Won't twice doP he asked.
"'No,' replied
"I can't leave them that long in the
ground, he said in a troubled tone, and it
will cost me S. for to tell you about them
"'What are you talking about, manf 1
said, thinking he, perhaps, was drunk.
1.-The potatoes, of course he said. Didn't
tell you about thens'
Ono said, what about themY
"'Well, he said, there's my field of pota-
toes. They're ripe and ready to gather. I
must get to work at once and fork them out
of the hills, but | have no one to pick them
up after me. Did you ever pick potatoesn
"''No,' said, Il never did, but 1 under
stand it's hard work.
'''It is that he replied, and I'd have to
pay man or boy at least S. to pick that
field and board him beside. Now, the woman
I'm going to marry is a stout and willing girl
and she'll pick the field for nothing, if can
only get her in time. But the three weeks of
bans is going to put the work off too late.
What would you doc"
.'It's case where don't feel called on to
give any advice l answered a little testify,
as could not help thinking of the willing
bride breaking her back picking potatoes for
such churl.
''He considered while, and at last decided
to spend 50 for license, as be would thus
save 50 in cash on the potato'picking and get
three weeks of hard work out of the willing
bride into the bargain.
''Some bridal parties are exceedingly jol-
ly," continued the talker, $50 much so, in
fact, that | have often had to stop in tho
middle of the service and lecture the bride
and bridesmaids for giggling, and others
again are so solemn that feel it my duty to
cheer them up little l have a few old
stock jokes for such occasions, which never
fail to provoke a laugh. When give the
bride her marriage lines, as we call the GER
tificate, l occasionally add that have no
doubt she will hold the reins also. One bride
groom whom | cheered with the observation
that this was the end of all his troubles re-
monstrated with ME, saying that his mar
riage was really the beginning of his woes.
The only defence could urge for making
SO rash statement was:
:" Ny friend, l did not say which end
''But this did not seem to console him to
any great extent.
THE "DISLIKIN'" WENT AROUND
San uncouth couple annoyed me into play
ing a practical joke on them once. 1t hap
pened in this way. They called on me just
as | was getting into my buggy to start on
visiting tour. They were Ill looking, i'll man.
nered people, and seemed altogether lacking
reverence for the ceremony or its conse-
quences he was especially rough, not TO say
coarse, and had evidently offended the bride
on the way to my house. for she looked sulky
When l said:
"'Wilt thou have this woman to be thy
welded wifef ETC., ne answered:
"'You bet
81 reproTed him, and be finally responded
sulkily, Il will
''Wh hen | asked her, wilt thou have this
man to be thy welded hushandF ETC., she re-
piled:
'"No, won't. I've taken a dislikin' to
him.
And she would not and did not So they !
went away quarreling, and l was glad to see |
the last of them.
about a week after that they came again. /
and the woman said she had changed her /
mind and had got over her 'dislikin'' to him. !
So they stood up again. But when put the /
critical question 10 the man lie answered |
coolly:
No. won't. l have taken dislikin' 70 /
her. And ne turned on his bee! and walked /
out Of the house without another word, leav
ing the woman crying with chagrir. I was .
sorry for her and angry with ;ac man for .
triaing with me, but l could not neip think
ing he had served her about right.
About week after that they both came /
back again and begged me to marry them. l /
felt ike setting the dog on them, but my 1
cloth, if nothing else, forbade that; so l stood .
them UP right there on the reranda and be
gan:
do you take this woman etc. and DO +
YOU take this man, etc. to which they both
answered i wull'
We'll, said, 1t seems you are both will
ing this time But l an lot. Ibsve taken a
strong "dislikin to both Of YOU, and you VIII
have 70 get some one else 70 marry YOU
with this stepped back into the house,
closed the door and left them both Standing
on the verRnda locking as sheepish as YOU
please No amount Of sermons would have
done as much good in indicating the dignity