Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-07-17
JoKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF TIE PRESS.

The Matrimonial Lottery-An OBJ
ject Lesson-Hope ..Deferred-A
Light Affair.
AN oBJEcT LESSON.
As we strolled along the beach
When the lisping tide was low;
Thus my lady's silvery speech
'Mr. Freshly, do you know
"You're an oasis to met
(Here blushed behind my hand)
You're the green spot, murmured she,
''In this arid waste of sand"
Brooklyn Illustrated Monthly.
WANTS VS.. NEEDS.
Little Dot-0h, mamma, the organ
grinders monkey is at the window, an
he has little round box in his hand.
Mamma-Well, my pet, what do you
think he wants2
Little Dot (after glance at the organ
grinder)-I dess he wants to borrow some
soap New York Weekly.
bOmMhh AONIShs
My dear young friend, do nothing rash
This sultry summer season;
Don't wear high hat and sash,
Don't eat green fruit and don't drink
trash
If you wish to keep your reason.
New York Herald.
HE rooU rttr HINT
She (yawning, as the clock is on the
point of striking 12)-Isn't there game
played with cards in which one goes out
and the other stays in9
He-Yes; it's called p
"Well, let's play it. I'll stay in"
He didn't stay long after that. 81 Nor
ristown Herald.
''LAzY" DEFINED.
Teacher-Bobby, what does lazy mean? (?
Bobby-Lazy means always to want
your little sister to getit for you.-[ Puck.
MORE THAN THAN.
Old Gentleman-Louise, heard some
one being kissed once or twice in the hall
last night. Was it you?
Louise (blushing)- Once or twice, did
you say, papa9
Old Gentleman-Yes.
Louise Then itwasn't L ~
ALIGHT AFFAIR.
Crimsonbeak Tin the gloaming) What
do you suppose has Just come to lighta
Yeast-I really could not say.
"Why, the lamp-lighter, of course"
NOT CERTAIN OF HER OWN APPEARANCE.
'You will let me go to your wedding,
will you not, dearesta" said one girl to
another.
"Upon my word, can't promise. My
folks are in such rage about my we'd
ding that / am not sure they will even
let me go to itmyself. p Illustrated It'd
bits.
HOPE DEFERRED.
Young Butt (who has just propOsed)-
If you cannot answer me now, dear Miss
| Archer, lam willing to wait.
Miss Archer-So am I. Make it four
years. s.-[P Puck.
CAME OVER WITH THE coNoUERoR.
Mrs. Michigan Avenue (of Chicago)--
weuld like you to engrave my coat-of-
arms on the seal of this ring.
Jewcler-Yes, madam. What does it
consist off,
Mrs. Michigan Ayenue-Ahl leave
the selection entirely to you; only put a
lot of hons in it and a charming dragon
OF two jewelers. Circular.
BEAR MARKET.
Mendicant Can't you give me few
pennies for my poor family at home,
| sir9
Merchant-No, no, man; I don't want
to buy any poor family. - [Yonkers
| Statesman.
THE MATRIMONIAL LOTTERY.
Jinks-W Wipks married a woman of in
tellect, didn't he2
Blinks-I don't know. Why9
Jinks-I notice he never has any but
tous on his clothes.
II IOUIhFUL CuIENhS5s
Jimmy-Ma ca have that candy on
your dressing, asa
Mother Yes.
Jimmy makes no motion toward TAX
ing it.)
Mother Why don't you take it, if you
want it2 Why, L declare it's gonel
Jimmy-Yep. I ate it before asked
you for it. Lawrence American.
A CONFEDERATE HUSBAND.
"I wish you were like Mr.. Bunting, y
complained Mrs. Larkin; ''he's so con-
siderate Of his wife"
''That's SO, replied Mr.. Larkin. 'fYou
ought to see the nice lightweight axe
he bought to-day for her to split kind
ling wood with"
i SAID SHE WAS HANDSOME.
'Did you see what the paper said about
you?"
''No; and I don't want to hear any Of
their abominable lies about me. You may
| make up your mind that whatever was
| said was false"
II thought as much. It said you were
handsome and CLEVER"
SATISFACTORILY EXPLAINED.
| siHenry," she whispered, as though
| fearful of the worst. ssdO YOU love me less