Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-06-08
cuRRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.
o.. a. n, Ena of .ha ,ou
laws p ~ .n1 u.sanl WI. sei' - 'e - !"
lye-Do''v' 10 ~
IL Nsser seI IL kas M 0n n"s Ns,r W. Yarl Io,,r
s sa1 An'"' 'Ae A"' -s' ~ '' 80
". l.
| Away: moves IN tie best society, ou
Ie'f S"'' 's
ooa, "u''
Father-"Im gong 10 tan your 4ide
1ommy: 1ommy-N you WON !. i1ioe
Eo nee'
How locomotive engineer can max
his own headiight-oy drinking 100 much
-ierds oyte''gs.
Women, IKE poker players, raise TN
blind to see what the nelghpor nave GOT
Laurence An'er'cdn.
Few men SOW their wild oats without
getting more or less rye mixed in with
them.-Atchison Globe.
1t looks as if the American eagle was il
danger of being displaced as our nationa
bird by the baseball bat.
"Papa. what is an agnostic ?n aHe is +,
man who saws he don't know ANYTHING ant
lectures on it."-Neu York Sun.
It is wrong to lie. That is wbv al
the lauaatory tombstones in the graveyard
stand NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Journal.
c,..i.;. oe at o.,-; p..,-.y u.
M Mepang pai1a u nonns DaoAMar .L; ui'
Lar,auad @ = e ,r;toS .H,uH WaaH;na,s, VIA
Post.
n :a,,, o., :: ALL
M mao lnuuiHeI L"N w mu.n L;a ~ nisHss =
mas na'lJn - wiz nav LIS n.s "inss r. olPPe' W
y y.1 I 'ne'' u ''' AVG" "'
'oo' ''u'.
:us'1ner 9v w. :; ouS'oWary oWa 70 zee G I'M
wal.er neTs tgrI nI at'e- les, sis. Gus
lo!elI :sas inen ani nann osTL your iee' w
mai.eu iof you nea an nou,'
do you know OF SO much as one per
fectiy happy person 1es, know
one. ~, "mJ 5e11n;u eau :. NC o.,,o 'o11s S;s VIVA
tne 9n onuH nHS i.s Jau'I e. ~ nls eAaren'
.s:icity Iy 'n'nA' ne AnV"' every
'nins'
Out OF Laoels.-"Ive bought you boz
OF cigars, George, dear" THANK you
love. are Iney hayanas !! NO, Gear
! askeo lor Havanas, pu1 .ne hia9 saio nj
nau1 any iia'ana iaoeiS oh manu- dos
'on .'ou'aer.
Il am afraid you got cheated when yor
bought this place. You'll never get mt
70 oeiieVe s, az your iront yaro contains az
sMT:., acre e ., e a,, uoes ! measured II. ~
WIN VIVA. MY lawn mower.-De
'ron free iresS'
Cora-"Miss Fussanfeather's hair usee
to be black. l see 1T has turned to 8
chestnud, t. now 90 you account for that !?
ciara-I peiieVe sue mas Deeh using Ine
lunny papers 70 10 ner halr up ln.-
Io''''efs 'otdtesaad".
Customer suppose you folks will use
artificial ice this SUMNER Confectionery
Toy donno. Snouidnt wonder II We
snaii' tnougn' we use aIIi'clai cream an
last summer, anu ~ "ofAeo al rignt.
1e'Te Hdute Express.
A Parents Growl.-"How's your fam
ily% pretty well, thank you.n "Any
Oh your daughters married yet r mo
ana no. cant understand why tney dont &C
on! they use powaer enough eoooness
AhoWs. -oos'on oour'e'.
Wickwire- don't look very happy
for an engaged man, Yabsley. Yabsley-
You wouldn't be very happy. yourself, i
you mao Don ON tne oaek Oh your nect
Juse wnen you nau a:riyeo a' 'ne huggine
s'ase Vi your oour'snip.
did you hear OF Travers' marvellous
escape! Some one shot him right over th'
heart, but the ball didn't penetrate
through his breast pocket" Saved by
the usual pack OF cards. suppose" mo
oiiis. o'o"sae aHo A.@n'S"e!'
Dissatisfied Wife-"Ihere has got to bt
some kind OF change, or something viii
happen" Husband-"My dear, you shoult
be contented with your lot" Dissatisfied
Wrfe-"Oh, I'm satisfied with the lot; it,
the house that object to.-Epoch.
Miss Rosebud-"Oh, well, you must no
blame her; she is one OF the period" Bron
son-"Period! she girl OF the period
She doesn't know what period Is. Why
she never stops talking except with al
exclamation polnt."-ffd7pers Bdzar.
| Corker-"My fortunes made, old boy
Pve discovered sure cure for rheumatism
in tea-leaves." Wentman (dubiously)-
81 see. But how are you going to tel
when they've got the rheumatism !?
Corker : They? Who p Wentman-
why, the tea-leaves ?'-Americdn Grocer
"We had a monkey at our house for
pet, but pa gave him away, an Pm awful,
sorryw said Jimmy to his new friend
'Did you love the monkeys" asked hi
companion. NAH" said Jimmy, "but tn
monkey used to get blamed for everythin,
that went wrong, and now / do."-Harper'
oa.y ecpe,
w nat Is the diiierence between 2ueel
sic!oria ana the MISSISSIPPI river r aske'
oqu.ioig. ABOUT 1,Voo miles l shoui'
say, replied Mcowiiigen; gen ihat answe
wont go TINS Time w nat Is IL, then
queen victoria holds ievees, but tn
Mississippi river makes them let co.
f'ttso'trg Chronicle Telegraph.
"You didn't sell copy of How to Max
Home Attractive TO that woman, did you?
eYes, did. When she came into the par
hnt - saw I ,ha, che shs d;d I NJ, naaa au .n.s yvos
~ to,, %" h"r haw - ~ ~. aos Lnsa any si,n
va W ,et hd ne oS W " anaa. ah fohe as:rac'lv'
.,S aua yssIa IS Ia. M tSn In hauh. ,us coming, an
s'asseu Meo VI " ,e e. ne Do'sn' TWO copies
We" va oa"
Daisy Poplnay-Sister says she woul
like 10 be excused this evening, Mr.. Posey
boy, If you please. She isn't feeling we'll.
Mr.. Poseyboy-"Come, now, Daisy, yo
know that isn't 50. Tell me the real rea
son and I'll give you half pound {