Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-03-20
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Several New Specimens of Arizona Editor
ia1 Enterprise.

Several New Specimens of Arizona Editor
ial Enterprise.
We extract the following from the last
issue of The Arizona Kicker:
IT HIT THE NAIL-In our last issue we
called attention to the fact that we had
around the world. The representative is
Apache Jim, the full blooded Indian.
He is the first and only red skin who has
ever started out on such tour, and prob
ably the meanest and dirtiest. He is not
to see how quick he can make the trip, but
how long he can be about it. We gave
him five dollars to lay in supply of tobac-
co and whiskey, and he will beat his way
on trains and steamboats,.
Our offer of a prize Of coyote skin jack
ct to the person who guesses nearest the
time made by Jim has already brought 1,
$50 guessese ranging from 100 days to 100
years, and our enterprise is the talk of the
whole west. We don't wonder that our
Topped cared contemporary down the
street is trying to raise money to buy a
box of rough-on-old- mossbacks. The only
editorial enterprise he has ever shown in
this town was in riding out two miles to
meet circus and seeking an interview
with the Dodo, whom he suspected was
his father in disguise.
IT'S A Go-Last night we forwarded a
request to TIE governor to be allowed to
raise cavalry company here to be known
as The Kicker Legion" and to be ap-
pointed colonel of the same. There is no
doubt but that this request will be allowed
b. hot 81
than two months the streets of this town
squadrons. We propose to donate the
quest is complied with, and we promise
the boys in advance that we shall lead them
on to glory and death whenever it is con-
venient to do SO.
How are you, colonel "a real live
colonel with a commission in his pocket
and bosom full of patriotism and glory!
No wonder the old shellback down the
street sits and gazes into vacancy by the
hour. He has lost his grip in this town,
and he sees the handwriting on the wall
No advance will be made in our advertis-
ing rates ON this account. All ADVERTISE
ments intended for the weeks issue must
be in by Tuesday noon.
Now LET HIM HowL.-When the old
chattel-mortgaged, bankrupted poverty
stricken concern down the avenue which
claims to be a newspaper bought an old
power press over in Tombstone City on
tick and had it hauled over by twelve
mule team, he expected the American con-
tinent to tip up an angle of As degrees.
He was the first to display enterprise-it
was the first power press in town-he
would show the people what real news
paper enterprise was, and so forth and so
on. That press as everybody knows, has
proved a fiat failure, except to kill off two
half-breeds who talked into its bowels
under the idea that it was a photograph,
and as far as any improvements in the ty-
biographical appearance or interest of our
contemporary it isn't there Nothing but
a drunken riot and case of absolute ''pi''
could do that.
We haven't been Growing around any,
but we have been at work all the same
We now take pleasure In announcing to
readers that, beginning next week, we
shall not only ink the forms of The Kicker
with regular glue of molasses roller pro-
cured in Denver at great expense and as
a particular favor, but we shall place jar
of beans in our window and offer 100 years
subscription to this paper to the person
making the nearest gness as to the exact
number Three months will be allowed
for sending in the guesses.
And as if this were not enough to make
the aforesaid cross-eyed, lame ointed,
bucks-kneed, one-storied hyena who adds
the word ''editor" to his name wish he
had never been born, we shall offer prize
of four gallons of whisky to the half breed
who can wear shirt the longest, and take
our whole Office force up in ballon as
soon as the vehicle. already contracted for
can arrive here
Now let our contemporary howl with his
cracked voice and gnash his old old snags
together! We have only just begun with
him He talk of editorial enterprise! He
pirate of giving subscribers doubl the
value of their money! Why, we can hink
of more schemes in FIVE minutes than
could be crowded into his columns in a
thousand years! We've been a little
saving of late, but now that this so-called
publisher has seen fit to blow his bugle
horn about enterprise we'll go down into
our sock and spend our last dime to drive
him into rabbit hole and plug up the
entrance