Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1890-03-08
CAPITAL NOTES.

Some of the best men in Washington
are suffering from an enlargement OF
the Uranium. II don't make mans
hat too small to be appointed to a Cab.
met position; but it shrinks the hat OF
several men to make them chiefs OF
divisions or of bureaus. Sometimes
colored messenger suffers from what is
commonly and vulgarly called the big
head. But usually the most marked ex.
amples of cranial enlargement are to be
found filling chief clerkships. They
look down from their perches and see
Senators and Representatives as pig.
mics walking or crawling upon the
earth. Occasionally one of them buys
a pair of magnifying glasses so as
to enable the sight to penetrate the dis.
tance to earth and recognize the humaA
beings who think they have business be.
fore the throne of greatness. Some
chief clerks suffer in this manner almost
as seriously as do the ticket agents on
New England railroads.
When the Oklahoma bill was pend.
ing during the last days of the Fif.
tieth Congress the Cherokee Indians
in Washington were intensely interest.
ed onloo1ers in the galleries of the
House and Senate. 1t was known to
certain lobbyists that the Indians had
money and were willing to spend it
freely for the purpose of defeating the
bill. One after another made himself
known to the chiefs, Mayes and Bushy-
head, and explained how, in their judg-
ment, the bill could be defeated. Each
one of these lobbyists claimed to control
a member of the House or of the Senate,
and promised to exert their influence
for monied consideration. The Indians
promised hundreds of dollars to each
vampire, we'll knowing that unless they
were made friendly they might becom
hostile to the cause of the Indians am
help secure the passage of the bill. But
when Congress adjourned and the bill
was defeated the Indians quietly left the
city and forgot all of their enforced
promises. If ever ''the end justified the
MEANS" the Indians were justified in
deceiving those who tried to blackmail
them. 1t is not a question of morals,
however, but one of fact.
1t is easier for camel to pass through
the needles eye than for a free-born
American citizen to gain access to the
Secretary of State unless he happens to
be Congressman or way-up news
paper man.
--r-ere is man here who sells dogs
By dint of perseverance with a club, he
has educated little black and tan ter
rier and taught him to perform some in
credibly mysterious tricks. For exam
pie he has dubbed the idea into the
dogs head that as long as his masters
eye is upon him he must bark. The
poor little fellow trembles and barlls,
while his master looks at him, and leans
on that strong heavy cane. The mas
ter, when sober, exhibits the dog in the
hotels, and in the Capitol corridors. He
says: Jumbo, how many are nine and
seven?" or any other number. Tho dog
barBs the required number of times, and
when his masters eye is turned from
him, stops. The dog-seller then smiles
at the crowd, all present believe that
the dog can count, and the master takes
three or four little terriers from his
pockets, and offers them for sale, saying
that they are all pups of Jumbo. lie is
an adornment of the Capitol. There is
no ooupb, uoNSFcr, tnd1 1no uoB naS
brains. There is equally no doubt that
the master is afflicted with breath
which is purchased by the earnings of
the dog. There is an aroma of distiller-
les, an odor thick enough to cut, and it
entirely surrounds the master of the
dog. It's but justice to. the dog, how
ever, to say that he don't know how the
money is expended. He merely eAezs it.