Telegram-herald., 1890-07-06
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We had 70 wait an hour for guest
who was member OF parliament from
up Ia the woods somewhere. He had
been delayed because he couldn't get his
milking done on time. as q bright little
red heifer had presented him with an
other proof Of her affection. So he had
% stop awhile and $50 that mother and
child were comfortable.
Just as we sat down one OF the hosts
children fell into the ice cream, and got
quite chilled before the relief expedition
could get there. On my right | had
freshman-I think be was q freshman.
Anyway, he asked me the price OF every
thing | wore. but did not know that
Henry NJ Stanley was the first man TO
pat salt on the tail OF the equator and
forcibly rescue Ernin Bey.
I'VE had cracked wheat with con-
densed milk, pap, pemmican, fried mush,
hot house apples-dried IL a hot house,
mean-kippered herring, skippered
cheese, lemon squash, pie plant pie,
prune sauce with umbrella sap, slum-
BullOu anu spcccuto
"At late hour l went home, and TAX
ing large goblet of smoke tanned Irish
whisky / got my valet 10 kick me into
a conatose condition and dropped into q
troubled sleep.
II had 10 respond 10 toast also.
said: Mr.. President and gentlemen, l
am honored by being the repository Of
L, t. ,rrl,% III
now asked to make bright speech as a
partial recompense therefor. / did not
wish TO come, as / told your honorable
body, for both her royal symmetry and
myself were fatigued, having visited the
Jail and other thriving industries of the
place. We had addressed the primary
schools and seen your growing brick
yard, spent an hour ut your great CEN
tral hello Office, visited your principal
job printing establishments and spent
few hours at the round house. So we
were exhausted, and really needed rest
more than we did TO mix. in the great
vortex of society.
"'We came to this country for rest
mostly, and not TO be fawned over and
fed, or to sit up late of nights and eat
caraway seed cookies on an empty stom-
ach. OF course society has its claims on
us and we viii not ignore them; but |
am not a copious speaker, and fear now
that after these few little remarks that
l still owe you something although did
not eat any prunes and my cracked
wheat is just as good as ever it was.
In closing, however, let me say that
1 have cigar with me, so that you will
not be out on that, and rather than ex-
tend my remarks any further | Will
! leave my cheese also. The duchess has
not touched her pap, and so if you will
call it square l will now close"
The duke then took the arm of his
high bred consort and moseyed out Of
/ the room, to use his own words. ''Of
course says he, Il ought not to expect
too much of the provincial people one
/ finds both in Canada and the United
States, but if one is going TO entertain
one should have some crude ideas about
entertainment, at least they should be
/ cordial, even if they have nothing but
macadamized pie and soft shell dough-
nuts.
II do not 60 in for good victuals alone,
for / can rough it very well, but the host
/ hate is the one, don't you know, that
asks me to his house because l am a
duke. Such a host has no more idea of
hospitality than a Congo debutante has
Of Delsarte. l don't mind little that is
crude, very crude in fact, if it is wei
come, but if it's just a hippodrome, with
duke in the middle and ginger ale on the
side, ask 10 be excused.
There are too many such folks. not
only in the western hemisphere, but in
England also. Look at tie way Stanley
is paying for his provebGer. He already
wishes he was back in the deepest jungle
I Of Africa. with jug of spoopju and the
silence of the forest He says that At
rica is at times socially dull. but Ee don't
have 20 sit up like q spitz dog and speak
+ before he can get his cookie. He says
that some OF the receptions on the Dark
Continent are extremely informal. and
that few bonmots addressed to the
principal wives of the host, a cornpli-
ment perhaps to the hostess on the beauty
of her surcingle. then a good-by at the
door 70 the daughter as he pulls with her
the wishbone of a missionary. then ont
into the tropical night, and the exercises
are over.
+ 1T seems odd TO him. judge. TO re-
turn snd be made much Of BY a great
many people who desire only - get TO
the front. as You say. by barking be-
tween his roars Meantime Hanks
victuals don't agree with him. and it
keeps him all het up trying to think q
new pieces 70 speak. The papers print
what he says. and other explorers keep a
scrap book and compare notes. AL real
" there's nothing IN it. don't yC1 know.
People with titles and people of prom
inence ara often 9ood st heart bat vIlv