Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1890-11-07
EASY ENOUGH TO PLAY LUNATIO.
But the Hard Work Came When He
Tried to Prove It Was Only a Joke.

II have in my life," said the colonel,
been severely misjudged. In fact a case
OF mistaken identity nearly cost me my
neck once, when some Colorado cowboys
did me the honor to take me for horse
thief Of course that was unpleasant. No
man who has any regard for his reputation
cares to be lynched, however innocent he
may be. AS ! said, have been taken for
horse thief. have been held up by high
waymen. have been forced by public
opinion to take part in a lynching. | have
been accused of 'squatting' when the claim
was clearly my own, and gracefully yield
ed to II cogent argument-a six shooter l
have had many little experiences more ex-
citing than enjoyable, but think that the
one which caused me more genuine woe
than any other was a trip which recently
made
II lent a trunk to friend of mine a few
weeks ago. am not going to tell you his
name, nor am | going to give you the real
name of the play which his company was
giving But it was great deal like An
Honest Thief fully as discreditable, any
way When my trunk was returned to me
it was literally plastered over with slips Of
paper, on which were printed the words,
An Honest Thief You could not stick
pin against that trunk without running it
through one OF those Slips
when | was on my trip, having taken
along this trunk, noticed that drew
great deal of attention. | got used to the
advertisements on my trunk but other
people did not
AT hotel in Chicago man came up to
me, and after striking up a conversation
turned it upon the subject of trunks. Soon
he asked me what my object was in label
ing myself an honest thief | thought it
would be fine joke to make him believe
that ! was serious and fenced with him.
THE next morning | noticed that every
one in the hotel looked at me askance
Even the walters treated me as a sort of
mild lunatic. This was great fun, but it
became very embarrassing when | endeav-
bred to be serious upon serious subjects.
Every one answered me in a soothing way.
| began to get very tired of my joke. |
went to the chief hotel clerk.
" See here, ! said, it's about time this
honest thief business was put an end to,
isn't iii;
" Certainly sir, he answered, in reas-
surfing tone
"'Of course it's all joke went on.
"'Certainly sir said the clerk, every
one knows that you aren't thief
81 should hope So cried. getting
angry.
There, there, sir he said gently. IN
have that matter attended to-
what natter | said furiously. DO
you think that am a lunatic to be treated
this way?'
Most assuredly not he answered in
tones which said emphatcally that most
assuredly he did.
"'Well you may make out my bill
"'All right sir, he responded CRATE
fully.
Il went up to my room. A chamber
maid was there gazing at the labels
When she saw me she gave me frightened
look and started for the door.
"'Come back, said sternly.
"She stood still with bated breath
What are you running away forp
asked
Towels, sir she gasped.
"'You are not You think am crazy
ooh, no, sir, she answered. edging to-
ward the door.
"'COme back cried, but she had fed.
Il rang the bell violently and long.
"A porter came up carrying IA coal nod
in one hand and a murderous looking
poker in the other. He stuck his shaven
head in the door and glanced about him
suspiciousy
"'Why did you bring that coas asked.
Didn't you want it, he said, placing
the seattle on the floor, but grasping the
poker more firmly.
81 did not
What did YOU ring for, sir" he said,
watching me closely and hanging to his
poker.
81 want those labels taken off my
trunk
He looked at the trunk, then at me and
then at the poker in his big fist.
- can't take 'em off alone, he said
why, certainly you can, answered
Indignantly See here, and | advanced
to show him how it could be done
Don't ye come near me! he shouted,
backing into corner and brandishing his
poker. If We do I'll brain We, We murderin'
lunaticr His eyes were wild and he was
the picture of desperation.
Take off those labels exclaimed
authoritatively.
Sure an We doan' git me down on me
knees before ye,' he said stubbornly. I'll
keep me eye on We. If We touch me I'll
brain We, he cried wildly, as | started
toward him in Indignation to throw him
out of the room. He rushed for the door
and tore down the corridor with IA wild
yell.
Il got down on my knees and scraped
and started down to the office to pay my
bill The elevator boy pretended not to
see me and went past my floor When l
called him and punched the bell he came
back with ashen lips
What do you mean | asked, by
going past me in thatinsolent way
He looked at me in terror and lodged
out of the elevator car leaving me in it
alone
Il walked down to the Office and, pay
ing my bill, ordered the clerk to send for
my baggage. When il came down the
porters piled it up and stood aloof from
il as if it were dynamite, One of them
spoke to the hackman in an undertone
and the fellow grasped his whip by the
wrong end When | had entered the cab
he stood beyond my reach and looked at
me fiercely
I'll dhrive We to the daypot, he said,
but doan't ye make no trouble or I'll have