Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-12-08

Lo, all things can be borne.
Domestics belong to the hire Glass of
society.
If hops are so sedative, why don't frogs
sleep better?
Much as the monkey surpasses man in
agility, he can not run up bills as easily.
els the manager in? 1 want to buy some
doors" Eyes, he's in; but he's out of
DOORS"
Engagement to Be She
Il wish 1 could yote?" Pair with me in
stead"
Blinks-Been travelling in Europe, Ell?
How did you find the hotels? Jinks-Hir
ed a cab.
The Young Beau's Motto: Consider the
Lilies. of course, but keep your eyes on
the Mabels and the Gertrudes, too.
''Did she say you were a fool?' mo.
She wouldn't be so rude as that. She
said was vacuum incarnate."
Is your brother still pursuing the law?
He was till last spring. And now? The
law is pursuing him.
A COMMUNICATIVE strikes a mans
eye first when he meets lady on rainy
day." Her umbrella, of course"
"Do you know who built this bridge?"
said person to Hook. NO" replied
Hook; ''but if you go over, you'll be toll
ed"
bad man digs pit for others and
then shuts his eyes end falls into it. Give
any rogue rope enough and he will hang
himself.
At an agricultural dinner, the following
toast was given: The game of fortune:
shuttle the cards as you will, Spades will
always win"
Stranger-Will you tell me, sir, if am
half way to Fillmore? Irishman-Faith,
an will, if you will tell Inc where you
started from.
Mr.. Jones (taking his watch from I'M
der his pillow)-Six O'Clock, and no one
has come to wake me yet! shall lose
that train if they don't come soon.
To be Jealous Of good works doesn't
mean to hold down store box and whit
tie while your wife is at home hard at
work trying to make living.
1t is said of the eight hundred con-
victS in the Kansas peniLentiary that not
one is an editor. But just wait till the
poorhouse statistics are published.
Yes" remarked the night foreman to
his best girl, 1--WE had three messes of pi,
during the night, and hardly enough to
fill up with "Oh, N.Y." she responded
chow hungry you printers must get
Oh, papa, look at those poor little vag
abonds without father or mother Don't
they go to school? Alas, no, my son. Oh,
papa, wish l had no father or mother.
What are you laughing at so? he asked,
suddenly starting up in bed. The wife
checked her laugh at once. L could not
help il, John. L dreamed l was a widow.
An Eau Claire butcher found a $50
gold piece somewhat worn, in the crop
of spring chicken. 1t WAS dated 1875,
and the superstition is that the chicken
swallowed it about that time.
Editor Ito reporter) Pennibs, l
must caution you to avoid tautology.
Reporter-Have 1 used Pathological ex-
preston, sir? Yes; in this article you
speak of female shoppers
An inspiration.-"By Jovei" said the
artist: 1.-the wolf is at the door, my last
paintings gone for rent, and I'm hanged
if 1 can think of anything to paint!'
.'Paint the WOLF" suggested the janitor
of the studio.
McCorkle-Did L tell you about fish
swallowing a snake that saw while away
on my vacation? McCrackle-No; but,
before you begin, L want to ask you one
question" ''All right" ''Is this snake
story or fish storyf"
In the familiar song, Pull for the
Shore" there is a line, ''Cling to self no
more" which, as sung by the colored
children in one of the schools, sounded
strangely; and, on having it said slowly,
it was discovered that they were singing,
s.Clean you self no more"
Sunday tea-time.-Moth, Cooking at
Johnny reproachfully)-Whe have you
been, Johnny, this afternoon? johnny
(uneasily) = Sunday-school. Mother
Why do you smell of fish and lcok so wet?
Johnny desperately Teacher told US
the story of Jonah and the whale
'sCharlie, dear, what is a monopoly?'
she asked, looking up tenderly, as she
rested submissively in his arms with her
dainty head nestled against his coat col
lar. 'WelI," replied Charlie, manfully
struggling to bring his mind to cope with
abstruse subjects, and falling altogether
TO get beyond concrete facts, II sincere
~ hope that this is.'