Morning journal and courier., 1890-01-23
APPROPRlATE.

Briggs-"What would be an appropriate present for me to give my typewriter girls" Brsggs-"If she's anything like mine would recommend spelling book. ."-Terre Haute Express.
 Too Much to, Expect: Brazilian-"Y You have not congratulated us on tho founding of free government in Brazil" American (gloomilye e'sI'm New York taxpsyer."- New York Weekly.
 ''It is really astonishing what immense progress the art of photography has made know your friends' pictures when you see them. Fliegende Blatter.
 Visitor to editor-"Cou1d you use an en- tirely original poem onsxHThe Narcotic Weed" Editor-'I could, of course, but az long as matches are 30 cheap I don't see the use. ."-Lippincott's Magazine.
 Suitor-aP Perhaps, sir, you don't think I'm good enough to marry your daughter" {" Father-"Perhaps do." "Well, sir, I'd have you know that I've been refused by some of the finest young ladies in the land. " Time. Irate wife (to collector)- r)-"Don't be inso- lent, sir, I'll tell my husband and he'll kick you all over town" Collector Confidently and he never footed one in his life if he could help Washington Star.
 tiff you want to see man," said his wife, as he ross from his seat, "ean't you stay here and see him if you use the opera glass- esq" "They're not strong enough." ]" he ob- jeeted; "I can get better glasses outside, ,"and he vanished.-New York Herald. Strange.-Newly accepted suitor-"Well, Bobby, you will have new uncle soon; am your Aunt Mary's choice for a husband" 1" Bobby (surprised) d)-s.Well, that's strange l heard her tell mamma only yesterday that you were Hobson's choice. Life. Medical Item-A.- s. is very sick again." B.-"why, heard that Dr. w. quence he was restored to health." A. "Yes, that's so; but it worried Dr. s. 80 much that Dr. w. cured him that he had g relapse. ."-Texas Siftings.
 Fritz-"Father, do help me with this ex- ample. can't get the answer" Father returning the slate after vain efforts-t'Well can't get it right either" Fritz mark, and all because you can't do an exam- ple."-Fliegende Blatter.
 First printer-What are you saving up your money for, Bill? Second printer-Tm going to get my wife new hat on her birth. day. First printer-Whatl You ain't re. forming, are you, Bill3 Second printer No, but I'm bound to give my wife a display head for once in her life.- Burlington Free Press.
 Hence His Generosity: Rev. Dr. Primrose -"I was delighted to receive those cast of garments for the poor of my parish. Il shows that there is still some hope of you1 ! see the old clothes man offered me only siz l thrown them in the fire than be cheated like that. "-The Epoch.
 There's one fond papa in this ely, but thii fondness was put to severe test by hii young heir few days after Christmas. Tn, l grandpa brought the little six-year- old urchiI | 8 present consisting of little sawhorse ant ! woodsaw. Tho next morning s'young Amer ica' hied himself to the woodshed, where b, quietly remained during the forenoon. Whel
 the father returned at noon he found his owl saw and eawhoree cut into small pieces
 big huff to do it now myself. ."-Augusti (Me. .(Journal.
 The prize medal for bsent-mindednesi
 during lectures must be awarded to 8 Ger man professor named Johannes Amer, wh,
 recently died in Vienna. One of his pupil has list of his remarkable sayings, amonl
 them the following: "Julius Caesar, dis guised as slave, swan naked across tn
 Tiber." Alexander the Great was born fl the aOsence or ms parents. 4n0 OWle
 are mountainous nation, but in Scotland
 the climate does not begin until October.
 "Hogs were invented in Asia Minor" "Thu
 arose general war on. page 94." "Th
 third Tunic war would have been out mucl
 sooner had it commenced a little earlier.
 Covered with countless wounds Caesar fel
 dead near the statue of Pompey; with on
 hand he drew his toga over his face, whil
 with the other he called for help" ."-Metro
 politan Opers-house Programme.