The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1890-11-28
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some OF the Annoying Things That Try
Isdb tors Soul.

CoIao VI Cno Au.toyVdE Things That Try
AN Edbt tors Soul.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS subscribers will
not fail to notice tho sad condition of
our third page to-day. We had tho form
ready for press when Judge Gilbert, our
popular and esteemed Circuit Judge,
called at the Office in n drunken condi-
ton, and in his attempt to hug us to
prove his Affection no Knocked tho
form into "pi." We hadn't timo to reset
the matter, and SO had to leave the page
blank. While we are sorry, it is not our
fault Wo can't even pitch into tho
judge about it. He not only owes us $50
borrowed money, but controls legal adj
vertising to tho amount of $500. This
is our position, and wo trust our readers
will appreciate it,
A BAFFLED CoNTEMPoRARY.-At ton
o'clock last Sunday night wo got word
by telephone that some one was open
ing tho graves in our private cemetery,
wherein lie tho remains of tho seven
different men who have tried to got tho
drop on us but were a trine too late. Wo
made for the scene at a rapid gait, and
what was our astonishmont to discover
that tho marauder was no less n person
oHoh OuA CotSSIHCQ
editor, publisher and proprietor of tho
Cow-Bell Gazette and Ding Dong Advor-
tiser. The old villain has stolen our
Office stove-borrowed our wood pile
hooked our job o-conspircd with
our forcman-bcgged our ink-openod
dozens of our letters and lied about us
from Sunday morning to Saturday
night Ho has attempted to ape and
initiate our enterprises and repeated
failures have made him desperate
He hasn't the nerve to pull q gun,
evon when his nose is between somo
ones fingers. He pooh-poohcd our gravo-
yard in every issue, and sought in every
way to bclittlC our courage. Fired with
hatc because everybody who comes here
want to see that little burying-ground,
no planned TO so ont there and dig up
every body and transplant the lot to a
graveyard of his own. We have heard
of stupendous cheek, but this case takes
the cake. What did wo doo Well. we
didn't want TO kill the poor old, long
Shanked bowlogged cousin of Il cactus,
but we did turn TO and maui him until
the boys over at Ranch Fourteen-sevcn
miles away-heard his yells and thought
that now species of whipporwill had
struck Arizona. Wo understand. he
claims to havo been "highwayed" and
robbed, and he's Dragging that no
wounded two strangers. The case is as
NO havo givon it.
STOPPED HIS AD.-Two weeks ago we
suggested to tho public tho propriety of
putting hempon neck tie on Dan
Smith. tho proprietor of the Last Chance
Saloon, and swinging him up to limb.
1t seemed to us to DO tho best way to
work reform in his everyday de-
meanor. Dan was advertising with us,
and no ordered his adj out Result:
Dan Smith is now back at the Kansas
State Prison to serve his unexpired
term.
There's moral in this. We propose
to tako advertising in business way,
and as business Investment. No mat
ter who is advertising with us, we shall
rofcr to him editorially in any way we
deem best Had Smith sought revenge
by shoo,ing'at us we should have hon
ored him. When he turned in and
stopped n six-inch adj which we had
given him low rate on, and which VIC
needed to FIJI out tho sixth column of
"Ho e'iiiu PASti W. ucClucQ LQlG III was
time to close tho game.
MoRE FooILsIINEss. -We have known
Jim Hastings for over two years. drunk
and sober, and we never supposed that
no was bit sensitive about having tho
entire American population know that
he sleeps in tho ditch oftener than in
his bed. In our last issue VIC incident
ally referred to him in connection with
a barrel of whisky, supposing he would
feel tattercd If any thing TO our great
amazcmcnt he walked into this Office
yesterday and demanded personal and
public apology. He had with him a
writton apology, good for six solid col
umns, which he wanted us to publish or
tako the consequences. We generally
prefer tho consequences. We did in
this case. and it was q painful spectacle
to SEQ poor old Jim, who was once a
gifted lawyer, and is now living on his
mother-in-law, peel off to do us up. We
simply dropped him out of back win
dow, and whom he borrowed a gun at
the Star saloon and fired six bullets
into tho Kicker Office wo paid him not
tho least attention. He is around town
boasting Of how no is going to shoot us
on sight. Foolish old man! We can
only pity you!-Detroit Free Press
Expcnsive plnygoing.
Recently Bavarian paper gave an
impressive account OF the experiences
s,l. o..