The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-19
BILL NYE'S LETTER.
He Gives Pointers on Funeral and Other
Etiquette--Courtesy.

LCCpyrlghC, 1871, Oy Edgar W. Nye.J
A recent work on how !, conduct ones
self in society has escaped from the press
within the past month, and is now tenn
porarily engaged in lying before me.
Every little viii e some self-made man
gets a new fountain pen, and writes a
book on how to cOrruscate in good form
No one can light up the gloom of social
ignorance like the architect who has
carved out his own fortune, and spattered
the gloom and gravy thereof all along
down the corridors of time Give me the
self poised and self-appointed s~tudenticket
who as won mis- way unaided from the
counting room Of a livery stable TO the
proud and dizzy height Of 'caller-of" at
a catch-aS catch-can and GT8cO- Roman
hop for incOntrOvertible and seek no
further advice on how to behave He IS
the man who generally thinks that a good
writer is a MAJ who has won his fame IN
hat direction by his good p~enmansldp
He seems to think that good writing i'm
| plies a f~everisl and delirious display Of
ornamental swans and bad spelling, and
that powerful writing is prOdu ed by
bearing on a little harder than is ones
wont.
In short, he is, as a general thing and
by general concessio2, the ass de luxe of
the century he disfgures, the artificial,
veneered gentlemen who, living, lectures
his betters and dying-he and his whiskers
together-goes to his reward just as the
OdorS Of scOrching wooden and hot dry
dye is waited to us across the bourne of
that country where round trip ticke;s are
unknown and perpetual stop owe priv
leges are accorded. In life he de-ractS
attention from his own glaring shortages
by %lecturing others, and in death he wears
a very toOthsome, ar iicial smile, and a
costume which does not extend below the
plate glass peep of his narrow house. In
his home paper on the next week appears
the following:
I desire to thank the friends and neigh
borS most heartily in this manner for heir
united aid and cooperation during the
illness and death of my recent husband
who escaped from me by the hand Of
death on Friday last while we were eat
ing breakfast. To the friends, both one
and all, who thus contributed so willingly
toward making the last moments and
funeral Of my husband a bowling success,
l desire to be remembered most kindly,
hoping that these few lines may fine
them enjoying the same blessing. I bow
TO the cruel stroke. | also have a good mich
cow and roam geldIng horse rising Of eight
years old which I will sell cheap on the
premises. God moves in a nv ~sterious
way his wonders to perform. He plants
his footsteps in the sea and ride upon the
storm. Also a black and white Shote
very low. Yours truly,
Wit HANNAH ROsEOLA PEETY.
Much space is given in this book to the
question whether or not it is good form
to leave the teaspoon in the cup whilst
encompassiGg its contents or whenpassing
it back to get it ~replenished. 1t is the be-
lief among the old school Presbyterians
and Wings, | think, that the spoon should
remain in an upright position in the cup,
whilst the modern or Mckee dynasty
holds that the spoon should be laid in the
saucer or concealed about the person
| whilst slipping the coffee. To this the
| Calvinistic gentlemen who still adhere to
the fly front pants and infant damnation
reply that according to good usage the
laying down Of the spoon implies dlssatis-
faction with the hand and a call for a new
deal. However this may be, the manual
above referred to does not straighten the
matter up at all, but says that the author
himself adheres to to the custom of leav-
ing the spoon in the cup. This, I think,
will have a great deal to do with breaking
up the practice.
A gentleman making a formal call in
the morning should retain his hat in his
hand. He may safely leave his overcoat
or dog in the hall, but be must retain his
hat, as it means that the cali is a formal
one, and not with a view to matrimony.
The name of the maker on the inside Of
tht hat also furnishes good reading mat
ter when one has said all one has to say,
and is just recovering from the debilitat-
ing effects of a great thought. Families
in deep mourning should use black fire
crackers on the Fouth of July as far south
as Bleecker street.
When calling on any one at an hotel,
send up your card and wait for a reply.
If the servant returns with the reply that
the gentleman is not in, do not lose your
temper, or throw a rubber cuspiC ore
through the mirror, or say bitter things,
but go on about your business, if you
have any, and if not, advertise and get
some at once
Senator Jones, of Nevada, who once
in a great while goes over to San Fran
cisco to buy his groceries for the year,
stops at the Palace hotel while there, and
has a pleasing device for obtaining rest
and soothful calm, unbroken by the I'M
cal editor calls of people who wish to drop
in and expectorate from his window. He
registers, and a room is assigned to him
by the handsome clerk at the Palace. This
number is placed opposite his name in the
book. People come in, take a fresh
toothpick, steal a few matches, scratch
the calf of one limb with the shin of the
other, look along down the page deliber-
ately, so as to keep paying guests from
registering, and say: Hello, Jones is
here. I will send my card up to him aud
see how he is behaving himself" The
card is taken up and showed under the
door, for Senator Jones is not in that
room. That room is kept to store cards
IN R1t ho &c Mt ~ - SODOo+iD1oC bo