Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-03-14
FOLLY AS 1T FLIES

Iris the. scissors-grinder who likes to
see things dull
THE man who Catches 1t from all
sides" ought to make s good ball
player.
TIE wheels of matrimonial life run
more smoothly where there is s little
juvenile.
n. EIFFEL's daughter is TO be mar
RED. OF course she VIII go on we'd
ding tower.
VoIoE from the cage: ''The saloon,
he sOlemnly drawled, ''is the house
that Jagg built"
EVERY once IN a while the banana
peel looms up as a sad reminder of the
rOiler-skating craze
WHEN woman loves man she gees
the whole hog, even to the Wart on his
nose. It isn't this way with man.
MAAI1EA-Don't let me speak TO you
again, Tommy. Tommy bet I
wouldn't if L knew how to stop you.
WHAT is sweeter than to have
friend you can trust ?" asked SaWkins.
"TO have a friend who viii trust you, %
replied Dawkins.
YOU'VE husband-You look thought
full, dear; is your subject deep one?
Young Wife-Oh, no, indeed L was
only thinking of you.
SPEAKING of the hoped for rise in the
American merchant marine, it is in or
der to remark that a little smack often
develops into cOurt-ship.
LEVEL means fat, vet the man who
would feel hattered to be called level
headed would object strongly to being
called hat-headed. Odd, isn't 1t
URGENT Suitor-With any sort of
management we could certainly keep
alive on $500 a year. She-Yes, dear
but I would sooner be comfortably
dead, 5
"GoT stiff neck George?" Eyes"
Gold ?" "NO; a pretty girl sat a few
seats behind me in the theater last
night, and had to turn round so often,
you know"
SCHoLAR-Teacher, is it proper to
talk about the face of the globe ?
Teacher-Yes, Willie. Scholar Say,
teacher, where is the back of the
globes head?
cit is not easy to be a widow" said
Mrs. Faux Pas, when the fOrIOrn state
was under discussion at a new conven-
/ ton. Gone must resume all the mOdesty
of girlhOod without being allowed even
to feign it's ignorance"
HOUSEWIFE Your impudence amaz-
es me. I infer by your nose that
Tramp-Ah, madam, you do ne great
wrong. I do not drink. My nose is
simply a blush absorbed.
OLD Maid (who wants a portrait of
her dOg)-DO you take instantaneous
photographs here? Photographers boy
Yes, ma'am; run right in, and he'll
take you afore you're a minute older.
TOMMY Where is Variance, Mrs.
Peck? Mrs. n. Peck-I do not know,
Tommy. I never heard of the place
before. TOmmy-That's funny, for
mamma said that you and Mr.. Peck
were at variance two-thirds of the
time.
"PAPA," said a boy much given to
reading, 81 have often seen the phrase,
All right-thinking people in the pa
per. What kind of people are right
thinking people?" "They are the sort
of people, said the father, "who think
we do"
"CAN a man belong to brass band
! and be Christian?" asks an exchange.
! We see no impeachment in the wav. But
| if he is a member of brass band, and
is given to practicing on his cornet or
trombone at home, it is an utter i'm
! possibility for the man living next
| door to be Christian.
SALESMAN in shoestore (deferential1y)
I hardly think No. 2, ma'am, viii
Customer with some asperity) -That
is the size I always wear, sir. If YOU
have none I viii go elsewhere. Sales
man equal to the occasion) 81 was
speaking of the ordinary No. q"
Sells her a pair Of fves.
A WARNING TO RASH BOYS.
just 8 great big turkey, zasr
Just q little boy;
just some cream and candies
Happiness and jOyt
just some deViled lobster
Little boy must take;
Then Jamaica-ginger
And the stomachache