St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1890-01-11
HONEST CARL DUNDER.
The Old Fellow Is Catching On to Amer.
lean Ways Mt Last.

| The Old Fellow Is Catching On to Amer.
| lean Ways Mt Last.
'Hello. Mr.. Dunder-' saluted Sergeant
Bendall as that individual entered tho
Central station, with a broad, satisfied
smile on his countenance,
Hello! Sergeant. Vhas eaferythings
all right init you?"
II guess so. You look happy"
| Sergeant, vhas shust like sweet oil.
No more troubles for me. vhas catch
ing on to do shust like Americans"
| Il am glad Of that. You used to be
terribly green"
$50 vhas. Three months ago doan
know some beans in a bag. Ha! ha!
Der cows come along und take me for
some grass. II it rains l shtandt right
out doors und get wet. IIa! ha! 1t
makes me laugh when see how green
vhas.'
Anything happened lately?' queried
the sergeant, in careless way.
"Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try
to beat me, but dey doan' make oudt.
vhas too sharp for EN-. One Teller comes
| along NIT six pairs Of shcep-shcars in
bundle. He doan' want to sell dose
shears, but he likes to borrow three dol
lars for one day und leaf 'em for secur-
ity. If he doan' come pack in one day
lose shears vhas mine."
Il see."
''lIe doan' come pack. Maybe he
break his leg or something. but dot vhas
nothing to me. keep dose shears. X
sOmepody beats me, sergeant, he shah
haf to get oop VERY early in der morn
ing"
Il presume SO. Have you the shears
there?''
81 haf. belief you like to sec EN-"
''They arc worth two shillings pair"
said the sergeant, after an inspection.
You are out OF pocket fourteen shill-
ings. and what do you expect to do with
sheep-shears?'
''lleafens! I doan' think of dotr'
yasped Mr.. Dunder as he grew white in
the face.
ANY thing else?"
''Vhell. get my life insured. Idoan'
belief vhas sheated by dot. a Teller
comes along und says vhas Carl Dun
der? vhas. Well, der President Of
der United States says he likes me to
sail on you and insure your life. Dis
vhas new company und a new idea.
let you in by der ground floor. l like
your name to influence odder people.
"'liow vhas dot new idea"
''You pay only two dollars eafery
twenty years. and if you die your wife
gets $4,000. 1t vhas der biggest thing
out. Shildrens cry for it. Vanderbilt,
Shay Gould. Russell Sage und all der
big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you
vhas-who vhas your grandmothcr-how
many teeth have you lost oudt-vhas
you eafer bit by some dogs-did you eafer
own white horse-how often you fall
down stairs-do you ride on some bicy-
cles, und dis vhas der truth, der whole
truth, und nothing but der truth"
''And he wanted the two dollars in adj
vance," queried the sergeant.
''Of course. Dot was to pay for
Swearing me-"
"Well, you are beaten again, Mr.. Dun
der. Insurance men don't do business
that way. Good day"
''How you mean?"
''You had better 60 home. Have you
got q tub in your hOuse?'
.'Of course"
''Any bran at the barn?"
"Yes."
'Well, make the tub about half full
OF mash and then put your head to soak
for about forty-eight hours. When
through buy some No. sand-paper and
polish il down to the bone"
Sergeant, vhas some greenhouse"
'You are"
'.vhill eafer learn something's"
'.Never."
Then, goodbye! l shan't try no
more. 1t vhas queer country. und
nothing vhas der same two times alike.
When my body was brought in here
doan' make fun of it. Shust use it shent-
~ und say dot did so well ash could"
Detroit Free Press.