Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03

ous of these crazy patents. 1t has made, it
is said. fortune for its inventor, and it
consists of metal she'll formed of two parts
which are connected by hinge. The shape
of its inside is that of a perfect nose, aqui-
line. Roman or Grecian, as you prefer, and
it does all its work at night The patent
states that the nose should be first well
bathed in warm water and then CREASED
with olive oil until it is thoroughly soft
ened. After this the improver is to be at
tached and the person using it is to go to
bed and sleep until morning. At first, it is
said, the operation is somewhat painful, but
this wears off In few nights, and the soft
cartilage of the nose soon begins to assume
the form of the beautiful shape of the i'm
proyer. At the end of eight weeks you have
a brand new nose which remains with you
until you get tired OF it, when you buy diff
ferent style of improver and come out in
new nose quite different from your last one,
but still beautiful.
A Boston woman has gotten. out patent
cheek beautifer, which takes away all the
hollowness and gauntness from an old mald.s
chops and transforms them into the deli
cious plumpness Of sweet 16. 1t consists OF
a spring plate with two prongs attached to
it. This plate is fastened into the teeth at
night, and the prongs reaching out from both
their hollow look, and grow round and
young again. This same woman has
patent way of making the fingers tapering
and elegant by means of compression, and
she calls her patent "The Finger Com
press"
GETTING EVEN WITH BoARDERs.
Restaurant keepers have long been
troubled as to how to get even with their
boarders. Josephine Doriat, of New York,
has gotten out a patent for them. 1t con-
sists of table and stools both of which run
on an endless chain. The diner comes in,
takes a seat on a stool, pays his % cents for
his meal and it is set before him. The table
then begins to move and the man moves
along with it 1t continues to move him
along till he gets to the other end OF the
room and at this time he is supposed to
have finished his meal for his dishes slide
off around wheel and his stool slides out
with him. There is an endless chain of
these stools and the procession of diners and
dinners goes on continuously. The inventor
states that her improvement materially re-
duces the number OF walters necessary for a
restaurant. 1t avoids delay in serving
meals and prevents any undue lingering at
the table on the part of the guests.
There is patent faro box in the model
room and there are patent dice boxes and
card games. One of the dice boxes throws
up the dice by means of spring and the
throwing is done under glass case, so that
it is impossible to cheat with them. Curious
bootjacks form another large class of
patents, and one of these consists of an iron
affair made in the shape of a pistol, which
you can carry in your hip pocket and
frighten robber with upon occasion. There
is also patent pocketbook with pistol in
side it. When the robber asks you for your
money or your life you hand out your
pocketbook and shoot him through the
heart. Other patents are still more ridicu-
lous. The serious side is, however, the
great side of the Patent Office, and this
may discuss hereafter.
FRANK G. CARPENTER.