The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1890-04-26
A SLIGHTLY DARK NIGHT.
Cooked, Canned, COrned and Condensed
Blackness Served Hot.

Cooked, Canned, COrned and Condensed
Blackness Served Hot.
"Talk erbout yer dim nights, said the flu
ent passenger, but Pm a thinkin' that a
night about fortnit ergo out'n Saint Louey
wuz jes erbout ez shady ez enney ov elm.
Darki Thet word IL erbout a inch'n half
too short at bot ends. 1t wuZ so black tibet
it BACKED yer faces N made yer shirt dirt
fern what it wuz. Why, it nd black yer
boots. / think the bootblacks did use it for
that puppus. Talk Nv the darkness of Egypt!
Folks sed az how it wuz way beyand that
sumwhars over in Raba-an' sed ez how it
mout have been darkness tibet could have
been felt, but not worsted.
"Strangers, yer may set me down ez a liar,
an If me up agin ez bragger, but I'll be
dunn swizzled eff yer couldn't 1ab ten foot
pole inter 1t, tibet liz eff the end waz whitfield
right sharp an yer wanted sumpen TO exer-
cize yersef wifi, an didn't hev anythin' per-
ticklar to do. BURGERS mistook an got inter
the wrong houses, n even perlcemen made
awful mistakes an found 'emselves in the
wrong sayloons, sure ez yer grandmothers
was gentlemen. Why, you yerselves couldn't
strike yer own houses, an what cuG yer wifes
say eff ye didn't git hum till mahnin doth ap-
pearl
~ heerd that they wuz cuttin' it up into
ebony umbrella handles, n drumsticks, n SIGH
things, n an artist tole me he had saved up
lots Of solid darkness tibet was abroad in the
land fer crayons, n fotygrafer said he
packed a lot of it away to las him all sum-
mer fer his dark room.
"Ye couldn't see yer hand before yer face
even though it held five aces n two jacks, n
twas mighty hard work To find yer own nose
TO blow the darkness outsn it when II got so
chugged up with it, Why, it almoa' choked
We to deth u breathe IT, Sum lowed ez how
fifteen err sixteen midnights got jnmmed inter
one by sum misuianaXemsDt u the sigma
servus. Fellers nd walked right out'n
across the Mississippi river an never'nd
knowed it il they hadn't fell in. On the
street yo' d run right bang up 'ginst yer own
respected creditors an never gin cent, Ter
they'd never knowed yo' n 1t didn't do you
any good ter run across a Teller what WIZ
owen you, fer ys wouldn't a knowed him,
other. Stanley never discovered anything
lis IKE 1t in the Dark Continent.
"Pickpockets war skused fer putin ther
hans inter other folkses pockets, fer ye could
hardly fine yer own. IL was good deal dark
er than you find it when you shet yer eyes IN
look back inter yer head, er way down stairs
inter yer stomach. II waz 10 dark that the
street car tracks got fuddlsd n run of down
the wrong street. Least that's what a con-
ductor said when he put me OH at wrong
corner, n they had 70 hev extra horses. did
hear one Teller say he couldn't shoot inter 1t,
fer IL drive the ball back n bust the gun. But
don't believe all that on my say. what !
know III stand 10 ef hev 10 drap.
1.-THE darkness got chugged inter area ways
n close angles No tight that they he'd to dig
It out afterwards, and fer several days it was
hardly what We might call light, 1t TUX the
sun 80 long to do away with 1t, n there hash Z
been any real dark nights thar sense, fer they
saw all the darkness on han waz used up 20
mauufacter that dark night which l hev Jis
luded TO- "A. w. Bellaw in The Epoch.