Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-08-02
TWO FTN ERALS.
One in the Country and the Other OF
Broadway


Scooting along the smooth and beauti
fully ballasted roadbcd of the Grea
Inter tate Commerce Bill Dcfvre Rail
way the other day, and lolIng back ir
tn" rich purple velvet upholstery of it.
costly carriage, we caught glimpse OF
country funeral 1t was going slowly
across a wind-swept prairie, with the
cold bleak sky and frosted fire weeds
skirting the horizon. The clergyman
sat on the seat with the undertaken, and
his nose was extremely red as he faced
the blast The undertaken wept steadily
and honestly as the north wind played
about his purple bugle. The mourners
rode in a cherries lumber wagon, and
little frozen, fatherless children, with
green bed-quilts over their shivering
knees, helped to heighten the gloom.
How different from the cheering,
sociable, business-lke air of funeral on
Broadway. | saw one not long ago on
that street and made a minute of it,
while attending my regular blockade be-
low Fulton street, in fact | made sixty
minutes of it before got through, This
is the order of the procession
l. Hearse containing deceased and
driven by handsomely dressed coach
man, who swears in a gentle manner at
the truck-drivers who try to delay the
procession by coming in at Fulton street
lIearse occasionally gets its wheels into
the street-car track and cannot get out,
though emitting a low, cultural sound.
.. Broadway car No 00S, driven by a
coarse man with horn whistle half way
down his throat, he is prevented from
swallowing it by stout string connect
ing the whistle to his buttonhole, He
is heard ever and anon whistling at the
hearse driver as who should say, Come,
wake up, wake up; don't delay bust
ness.
3 Carriage load of mourners in close
conveyance.
f. Load of green hides and pelts driven
by profane, self-male man, wearing a re-
tired policemans helmet and an in ured
air, which latter is also shared by his
cargo.
5. Load of iron rails hauled by four
large horses and driven by deaf and
dumb gentleman who is not in any way
related to deceased.
6. Clam bake load of excursionists 60
ing over TO Staten Island for painting
purposes, accompanied by embryo Jag5
8. Close carriage containing other rela
tives of deceased and driven by new
man who is not familiar with New York
city. having formally driven a thrashing
machine near Owatoma. MINI. He
knows that if he loses sight of the hear5e
he will wander further and further away
from the grave. In mean time a pro-
cession of oyster-openers, headed by a
German band, cuts in ahead of him,
from a side street, and the pole of an
ice wagon knocks a hole in the back of
his carriage.
8. Ice wagon owned by Hudson River
Microbe Ice Company, and driven by
man who has done time at MARBLE War
BILE the Hudson for beating down a
clothing man on the price of an overCoat
by means of baseball bat.
8. Heavy truck, hauling consignment
of limberger cheese for a downtown
house, driven by noseless man who
was bitten by warm personal friend
during the war.
TO- Procession of excusionists known
as the Mock Turtle Club, headed by
drum corps and followed by Christopher
street car No. 202 driven by man with
in-growing mustache and dog-call
whistle.
II. Other mourners in open carriage,
smoking election cigars.
IL. Salvation Army passing through
New York on its way to convert Newark.
10. Ambulance on its way to pick up
some mangled people who tried to escape
from a fire-proof building by means of a
fre-escape.
IA. Parade by Knights of Pythias with
drawn swords.
10. City officials with drawn salaries.
16. Milk wagon carrying pure country
milk and cream accompanied by an oc-
casional mufiled croak.
II. Other mourners i'll dog carts read
ing evening papers.
10. Load of baled hay driven by a
scholarly looking colored man in a high
hat and red flannel shirt.
10. Another and competing funeral
from the east side, which cut in at side
street before the police could interfere.
90. Balance of original procession in
terlarded with horse cars butcher carts,
beer wagons, cabs, profanity, and rag
fanciers.
An unknown man can have bigger
and cheaper demonstration by dying in
New York than in any other place can
at this moment call to mind. To die in
New York and get one of these funeral
demonstrations almost pulls the singer
out of death. = Bill Nye.