Western Kansas world., 1890-08-02
OILY AS RI FLIES.

- MoUTH Organ-a dental newpaper.
A Two-FooT rule-Stand on your own
pins
SOME who pose as self-made men re-
Ieve their Creator of great RESPONSE
bility.
THAT was a mighty strong Irishman
who. with single whee!barrow, went
to.Wheeling, West Virginia
The industrious washerwoman always
has the satisfaction of knowing that she
is near the clothes of her work.
%MY wife is just crazy over baseball:
She goes every day to see the game.
So does mine, and not only that, she
wears fowl tips on her hat every time
she goes"
SOME one says that the %happiest-
looking man is the one who is not bur
dened with wealth." He evidently did
not form his opinion from seeing friend
returning from the races.
KITTY-How far have you got on your
graduation essay? Nellie-Oh, I
haven't begun to think about writing it
yet. Why, haven't even selected the
colo- of ribbon to tie it with.
TRAvIs-Say, De Smith, did you
know it had leaked out that Won Mouk-
ishein is man of rank in his own coun-
try? De Smith-No! But 1 might
have gussed it from his cigars.
FoGG-I went to hear Gusherleigh
preach last Sunday. Brown-Why, 1
thought you hated to hear him. Fogg
SO 1 do; but it was his farewell ser
mon. 1 went out of pure gratitude.
A SLIGHT Error. here, fraud, hand
over that cent just put in your hat
you're swindler-you have as good
eyes as I have. why, excuse me, sir !;
I got the wrong sign to-day. 1t oughter
be Deaf and Dumb"
CENSUS EDumerator-Well, I have
finished big days work, and l am
tired. His Wife-Fm so sorry 1 can't
help you. Now, sit down, dear, and
tell me all you found out about our
neighbors.
Young DR.. Freshfeld-And why
won't you let me feel your pulse, Miss
Dollie? Miss Dollie-Well, you may,
but l shall stick out my tongue at the
same time to show that your action is
strictly professional.
II WOULDN'T run away with any girl.
I remember going boldly up to the old
man and asking him for his daughter.
He told me to go to Hades." And did
you go?" well, "he mused, hesitatingly
and refectively, Il married the girl. "
GREAT Editor-I see it stated that
the new electrical chair will not kill.
Detail a reporter to try it. If he escapes
it will make the biggest kind of SEN
sation. City Editor-But what shall 1
do if it does kill? Great Editor-Get
a new reporter.
DEGRADING the Mails-Gaggam-
Are you going to post that letter, PatP
Pat-Yis. Gaggam-Wel, why don't
you put stamp on it? Pat-Whist!
OHm goin' teh thry teh slip it in the
postoffice without anyone seein' me.
Mrs. DE FIRM-I tremble to think of
our daughter marrying that young man.
Why, he orders his mother and sister
around as if they were slaves. Mr.. De
Firm-Don't worry, my dear. He won't
order our daughter around more than
on ce. She takes after you.
ANXIOUS Mother-And so you and
your husband have great many differ
ences? Weeping Daughter-No, only
one; but that keeps US nagging and
andfighting from one weeks
end to the other-boo, hoo, boo! "Only
one? What is it?" "We differ on re-
igion.
"WHERE do we find the laughing
jackass, professor?" asked the fresh
man, and the class Uttered. Usually
in Australia" replied the venerable in
structor. Il think, however, that if 1
had gun with me, loaded with buck
shot, I could bring down about two
dozen right in this room.