Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-08-16
Splinter's Predicament.

Splinter's PrediCament.
To be sure, John Haverstraw Splinter
had frequently heard of the young man
who awoke one morning to find himself
famous, but until that eventful dav two
years ago, when Splinter returned iron
his vacation to find himself in exactly
the same predicament, he had not thought
much about this particular young man
either in one way or another. Hitherto
Splinter had thought of this person
much as he thought of Mother Goose and
the sea serpent, whom he regarded as
excellent individuals in their way, no
doubt, but little shady to believe in.
But as Splinter sat there in his com
Portable apartments on that September
day and strove to realize something of
the "burden of this honor unto which he
was not born" he wished that the young
man who woke up, ETC., were with him
in the flesh at that moment, to help pilot
him along the shaggy channel which he
had before him.
But the most unique part of the whole
affair was that Splinter had not the re-
hottest thing to do with this sudden
leap into fame He left the city early in
June very ordinary little doctor, intent
on building up practice; and ever
since, except for two Shorthand too
short-weeks at Newport, he had been
buried in little fishing village away
down on the coast of Maine. He had
gone there to study, and therefore he
had left newspapers, good story books
and correspondence behind As far as
the story books went, it caused him no
self denial to forego them Splinter
didn't believe in them; he considered
them very useless, if not absolutely per
nicious. Therefore it can be seen the
more easily that his present situation was
particularly trying one to a man of his
way of thinking.
A novel had lately dawned upon the
literary horizon with the somewhat
singular title of 1.-The Girl With the
Psyche Knot" 1t was an effusion in
paper cover, and it had a~picture of the
heroine, with her hair screwed up into a
Pysche knot, adorning the front page.
Just below it large red letters announced
that its author was j. Haverstraw Spin.
ter. Now aboard the train the hight
previous, Splinter had read criticism
of this novel, in one of the evening
papers. This paper spoke in the highest
terms of its undeniable cleverness, and
brought its article to close with the
following little eulogy: "To readers
jadcd with our recent glut of etfeminate
illusions, 'The Girl With Pysche Knot
will come like a Whit of sea breeze.
There is an unmistakable smack of
masculinity about this little book, which
unconsciously proclaims its author to be
a thorough man of the world Mr.. J.
Haverstraw Splinter possesses the virtue,
so rare in our day, of writing of what he
knows"
Now, when Splinter saw his name so
unexpectedly in print, it gave him quite
little start, but never for one instant
did he realize that it was to his identical
self that the article referred. He did
think it very singular that there should
be such a resemblance in the two rames.
But then, while his first cognomen was
plain John, that indefinite 81. in the
authors signature offered unlimited
grounds for difference. 1t might be
James, or even Joseph, and possibly
Jeremiah. 1t was odd about the rest of
the name, but perhaps this author chap
belonged to some distant branch of the
Splinter clan. John decided that he'd
ask Auat Samantha about it in his next
letter. And with that he resumed his
perusal of "Tle Philosophy of Living. "
1t was not till he had reached his lodg-
ings in the morning, and had perused a
few of the hundreds of letters which he
found awaiting him, that the full signid-
canoe of the situation dawned upon his
bewildercd mind. There were Letters in
every sort of handwriting, and by far the
greater part of them were from people
that he had never even heard of Two
or three of them were from publishers,
offering liberal terms for his next novel.
At last he found letter the handwriting
of which was familiar Continuing his
search until the bottom of the pile was
reached, he found, in all, four letters
which he laid aside. One was from Miss
FRY, wealthy patient of his; another
was from Frank Dexter. his greatest
chum, and the other two, bearing Cana
dian postmarhs, were from Aunt Saman-
tina and his pretty little cousin, Rosie.
He opened Miss Fry's letter first.
"Sir, it began-aud at sight of its
unusual form of address, Splinter fairly
groaned in spirit-'Sir: My sisters and
myself would be greatly obliged if you
would favor us with our account at your
very earliest convenience. We find our
selves the victims of confidence wholly
misplaced, We had no idea that YOU
combined with your medical practice a
capacity for writing novels. NV sisters
and | have considered you far above tue
fippancy and worldly tendencies of the
average medical student. 1t is with deep
modification that we now discover that
the man whom we had trusted is guilty
of writing an obnoxious novel. which
now is on sale at the book stall lust across
the way"
Then camn the SIGNATURE uCatbarinp
Fry." and SPLINTER could see the icicles
upop il And then his nostscript