Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1890-10-02
NOPE "a Less AMUSING.

M0nE III LE00 AMg0tNA Us
WEATHER report d thunder clap.
AN after-dinner speech: Waiter,
bring me the tooth-picks.
IsN'T it rather rough to call Il grocer
who simply sands his sugar an adult
terer?
TN having q 'ga1lus' time, = said the
old bachelor, as he mended one Of his
suspenders.
CHAwLIE thought you took an in
terest in my welfare. Madge No, sir;
only in your farewell.
CHICAGO girls object to rnbbers,
"they draw the feet so" 1t must be an
awful load, even for India-rubber.
MISS WIsEMAN--I Isn't your husband
little bald? Mrs. Hendricks (indig-
nantly There isn't bald hair in his
head.
CHAuNcEY DEPEw needn't brag about
seeing the Queen. We knew man
once who @saw" four queens and it cost
him about $4,000.
MOTHER And what did you say to
the gentleman, Ethel, when he gave
you the apple? Ethel told him
that liked oranges better.
BARBER executing an artistic swipa
down his customers cheek Does it
pull? Customer with his teeth firmly
set No. it don't pull ex cavates.
Mrs. MCCARTHY Ito pedlar) lis thin
cabbages nice, Mr.. O'Leary? O'Leary
(gallantly Bedad, they're as fresh
and green as yourself, Mrs. Mccarthy.
AVERAGE wife-My dear, aren't you
going to church with me this s Sunday?
Average husband Good lands! Why,
went to church with you last Sun
day.
IRATE better half jeremiah, you're
a-goin' ter hev piece of my mind now.
Henpecked husband (feebly) II ruther
hev peace of mine, wife, burned eff I
hedn't
Mrs. UPTON Yes, that is my daugh-
touched it since she has been married.
Mrs. Downton-Jest the same with
my darter an FER typewriter.
'Do YOU believe that spirits can re-
turn, Doctor!" ooh, my friend, how
can you ask such question? If I be-
heved that would not be able to pr ac-
tice my profession any longer!"
BENEVOLENT: well, Fritz, you got
whipped at school to-day? ?" Eyes, but
it did not hurt" "But You certainly
have been crying?" "Oh, I wanted to
let the teacher have a little pleasure
out of it."
FIRST resorter That mosquito just
came up and presented his bill as cool
as could be. Inever had anything sting
me SO. Second resorter-That's moth
ing. Wait till the landlord does the
same thing.
BENEVOLENT party-My man, don't
you think fishing is a cruel sport
Fisherman-Cruel? Well, I should
say SO. I have sat here six hours, hav
not had bite and am nearly eaten up
by mosquitoes.
SLEEKER-Yes, sir, I always kept a
diary. And there never was an entry
in that diary which would have been
ashamed that my mother or my sister
should see. Ruffen-Same here. I put
down ''sundries" for turntables.
Il FEEL" said the young man to her
father, "that existence without your
daughter would be only dreary task,
whose completion could not come too
soon" Every WELL" said the old gen.
tleman; take her, and presently you'll
feel the same way, only more So"
PAPA" said the young mother, 'T
have decided on a name for the baby;
we will call her Imogen." Papa was
lost in thought for few minutes; he
did not like the name, but if he opposed
it his wife would have her own way.
THAT'S nice" said he, presently. "My
first sweetheart was named Imogen.
and she will take it as compliment"
"We will call her Mary, after my
mother" was the stern reply.
THE FRIsKY SUMMER GIRL,
When the grass widow loves to repose
In the shade
And the bank clerk affecteth to doze
In the glade,
The frisky young lass
Tumbles round in the grass
Nor of strangers who pass
Is afraid
Nought cares she for curl or skirt
Not she;
She rompishly lovcth TO firt
With some he.
He may be granger, he may
Be drummer who stops for a day;
Men are scarce, and young maldens are gay
Full of glee.
San Francisco Nelrs Letter.