The Bossier banner., 1890-12-18
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some Of the Annoying Things That Try
an Editors Soul.

AP0LoGETIC aL.--Our subscribers will
not fail to notice the sad condition of
our third page to-day. We had the form
ready for press when Judge Gilbert our
popular and esteemed Circuit Judge,
called at the Office in drunken condi-
tion, and in his attempt to hug us to
prove his affection, he knocked the
form into ''pi." We hadn't time to reset
the matter, and so had to leave the page
blank. While we are sorry, it is not our
fault. We can't even pitch into the
Judge about it. He not only owes US $50
borrowed money, but controls legal ad-
vertising to the amount of $500. This
is our position, and we trust our readers
will appreciate it.
A BAFFLED CONTENfPORARY.-A ten
o'clock last Sunday night we got word
Dy telephone that some one was open
ing the graves in our private cemetery,
wherein lie the remains of the seven
different men who have tried to get the
drop on US but were trife too late. We
made for the scene at rapid gait, and
what was our astonishment to discover
that the marauder was no less person
than our esteemed contemporary-the
editor, publisher and proprietor of the
Cow-Bell Gazette and Ding Dong Adver-
tiser. The old villain has stolen our
Office stove-borrowed our wood pile
hooked our job type-conspired with
our foroman-begged our ink-opened
dozens of our letters and lied about US
from Sunday morning to Saturday
night. He has attempted to ape and
initiate our enterprises and repeated
failures have made him desperate.
He hasn't the nerve to pull gun,
even when his nose is between some
ones fingers. He pooh-poohed our grave
yard in every issue, and sought in every
way to belittle our courage. Fired with
hate because everybody who comes here
want to see that little burying-ground,
he planned to go out there and dig. up
every body and transplant the lot to a
graveyard of his own. We have heard
of stupendous cheek, but this case takes
the cake. What did we do? Well, we
didn't want to kill the poor old, long
shanked. bow-legged cousin of cactus,
but we did turn to and maui him until
the boys over at Ranch Fourteen-seven
miles away-heard his yells and thought
that new species of whipporwill had
struck Arizona. We understand he
claims to have been 'highwayed" and
robbed, and he's Dragging that he
wounded two strangers. The case is as
we have given it.
STOPPED HIS AD.-Two weeks ago we
suggested to the public the propriety OF
putting a hempen neck-tie on Dar
Smith. the proprietor of the Last Chance
Saloon, and swinging him up to limb
1t seemed to us to be the best way tC
work reform in his everyday de
meanor. Dan was advertising with US
and he ordered his ad out. Result
Dan Smith is now back at the Kansas
State Prison to serve his unexpireG
term.
There's moral in this. We propose
to take advertising in business way
and as business investment. No mat
ter who is advertising with us, we shall
refer to him editorially in any way We
deem best Had Smith sought revenge
by shooting at us we should have hon
ored him. When he turned in anC
stopped a six-inch ad. which we haG
! given him low rate on, and which We
needed to fill out the sixth column o
the third page, we decided that it wal
, time to close the game.
: MORE FooLIsHNEss. have knowI
: Jim Hastings for over two years, drunl
and sober, and we never supposed tina
he was bit sensitive about having thu
entire American population know tina
he sleeps in the ditch oftener than ii
his bed. In our last issue we incident
ally referred to him in connection witt
barrel of whisky, supposing he woult
: feel flattered if any thing. To our grea
amazement he walked into this offic
yesterday and demanded personal an
public apology. He had with him
, written apology, good for six solid col
= umns, which he wanted US to publish o
= take the consequences. We general
prefer the consequences. We did i
7 this case, and it was painful spectacl
y to see poor old jim, who was once
= gifted lawyer, and is now living on hi
a mother-in-law, peel off to do US up. w
: simply dropped him out of back wir
, dow, and when he borrowed a gun a
! the Star saloon and fred six bullet
: into the Kicker Office we paid him nc
/ the least attention. He is around tow
n boasting of how he is going to shoot u
]. on sight. Foolish old man! We ca
q only pity you!-Detroit Free Press.
g Expensive PlaygoIng.
Recently Bavarian paper gave a
o impressive account of the experience
h of an English family at Oberammergar
> The worthy paterfamilias appears