Waterbury evening Democrat. [volume] (Waterbury, Conn.) 1887-1895, 1890-03-07
PUNGENT PASSAGES.


SHE-"Let us sit under the grand old
oak and chat" He-"Beautiful tree.
And did you plant it yourself?"
CLASS shingles may do we'll enough
for the roofs of houses, but they will
not take the place of wooden ones in
tho nursery department of household
economy.
THERE are $500 practicing physicians
in Illinois, as is shown by the revised
list just prepared by the State Board Of
Health, and yet the State is gaining in
population.
MUD0E-"Doctor, if wore to lose my
mind, do you suppose would be aware
of it myself?" DR.. Boless-"You would
not. And very likely none of your &C
quaintances would notice it either"
A GENTLEMAN from the country says
that he has no objection to decent cot
tsge, but that he has a strong antipathy
to houses which are Queen Anne in
front and Mary Anne at the back.
"SEE here" he said to his clerk, 81
don't mind letting you off for day now
and then to attend your grandmother's
funeral; but think you ought to have
the courtesy to send few of the fish
around to my house"
MRS CHURCH to Mrs. Meeting House
IL did SO want to go to the whist club
tonight, but it is Lent, you know, and
we have to give up things we want most
to do and do the things we dislike, and
so concluded I'd run in and spend the
evening with you"
'I-RATHER like that idea," said Hen
ry, gazing at a man who was playing
drum, cymbals, clarionet and four other
instruments at one time. "Why SOP"
asked William. "You have only to kill
one man to wipe out the entire band"
was the sanguinary reply.
"SrRANGE," remarked Mrs. Brown, II
have rung at Mrs. Smiths door three
times this week, and didn't succeed in
| raising any one. l suppose the family
is out of town." Possibly" replied
Mrs Jones, ''but Mrs. Smith told me
| just now she could tell your ring among
a thousand"
BAGLEY-"Only little party, my
dear boy. Mrs. Bagley insists upon your
coming" Ponsonby-"With pleasure"
| That's right. And-e-by the way
YOU play the flute, I believer" Eyes.
Shall L" leave it at home? You
| ldNc XII pdVSA Aiy SSAy "OANos Sos
by all MEANS"
FoEE1GN POWER (sarcastically)-
Backing out, sce." Uncle Sam (sor-
rowfully)-''Yes, do as you please. l
won't make any resistance" Foreign
Power (proudly)-"I knew you wouldn't
dare defy me-" Uncle Sam (hotly)-"lt
amt you I'm afraid Of, you old fool. !
wouldn't mind war. What I'm afraid
of is the pensions"
| NERVOUS GENrLEMAN-'Now,b be care
full how you drive, cabby, and go slowly
over the stones, for hate to be shaken.
And mind you pull up at the right
house, and look out for those dreadful
steam cars" Cabby-"Never fear, sir.
I'll do my best. And which 'orsepital
would you wish to be taken to, sir, in
case of an accident?'
'MY hands are awfully oold," said the
pretty girl. suggestively, on the las
quarter Of starlit sleighride. "Why
didn't you bring muff with you?
asked the practical young man, pro
saically. 81 did, she snapped; but sh,
wouldn't explain where the muH mac
gone to, and he has been wondering
ever since just what she meant.
REV. DIR. SUTTON once said to the late
Mr.. Peech, a veterinary surgeon: "Mr.
Peech, how is it that you have not
called upon me for your account" "Oh,
said Mr. Peech, 81 never ask a gentle
man for money! "Indeed!' said the
vicar. "Then how do you get on if he
doesn't pay?" why" replied Mr..
Peech, "after certain time I conclude
that he is not gentleman, and then
ask him.