Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-08-01
FLASHES OF FUN.

REPuD1ATED Bonds-Sundered mar
riage ties.
WHERE talk is cheap at the auction.
D1Gas-A man who drinks is u dom
key. Biggs-May be that's why his
friends say. Ears to you.1
SHE is very plain, isn't she? "Yes,"
said the Boston woman; "she is the
most obvious person in the ROOM"
MODERN Society. He (making q
party call)- L think party calls are great
bores; don't you? She (receiving)-
Yes, indeed.
SrRANeER-What a bloodthirsty MUIR
der that was. Did they tree the MUIR
derer? Native-Naw; they used q
telegraph pole, [ believe.
POLITE Passenger-Pardon me, sir!
Can L sit down in this seat? Old Sour
boy--Well, [ presume you can if you
try hard enough. didn't have any
trouble.
no l DO 81 not believe Moxey has any
Here he has failed seven times in as
many years and he is actually a poor
man yet"
YOU'VE Writer--If you would be so
good as to praise my book a little in
your paper! 1t would cost you nothing!
"Oh yes, it would. 1 should have to
conquer myself"
SHE (enthusiastically)-Oh, George!
don't you think the greatest JOY in lite
is the pursuit of the good, the true and
the beautiful? He-You bet! that's
why 1 am here tonight.
SToNEcUTTER-Would you like the
words we will meet again. engraved
on your husbands tombstone?" Widow
For heavens sake, no! What you
want to put on that stone is Rest in
Peace!"
HIS Equal-Young Simmer (patron-
lz1ngly)--You never enjoyed the adj
vantages of a collegiate education, did
you, uncle? Uncle Bill-No; but I was
in two or three draft riots endurin' of
the war"
Mr.. CH1pPs Cooking up from the
paper)-The doctors have discovered
another new disease. Mrs. Chips
Well, I wish they'd stop looking for
new diseases long enough to find a cure
for my old rheumatism.
The Father-But George doesn't
stay at any one thing very long. The
Daughter-Well, that's no proof he has
not staying qualities. The Father-Is
it his staying qualities you dream over
on Mondays, my dear?
The youth who intends to devote his.
attention exclusively to one girl this
summer will ask, if he knows what's
what" "Shall we hammock for the
season." And she will answer sweetly,
My %inclinations Irvine that way"
CEDR1c's mother was a New Yorker,
but Cedric was born in Boston.
Cedric, you are naughty boy; you
want q licking" said she. "No, mother"
returned the child. bravely, II may
need chastisement, but I do not want
it,"
PEDDLER-Wouldn't you like some
notices for your house, mum? It's
very cheering to a husband to see a nice
motto on the wall when he home.
Mrs. De Jagg-You might sell me one il
you've got one that says. Better Late
than Never"
SIMPsoN-What are you going about
for grinning like a country ~poorhouse
idiot? Have you been taking laughing
gas? De Smith-No; but I'm promised
a position as a hotel clerk at a seaside
resort. and I'm getting the bland smile
we'll in hand.
Miss OLDE-Second thoughts are
best, Mr.. Starr, and I've concluded to
give a different answer to your proposal
OF last night. | am willing to become
your wife. Start agree with you in
thinking second thoughts are best, and
! am sorry I asked you to marry me. I
shall not repeat the question.