Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-12-20
HERE SHE CONES,
You Can Tell That IL IL Christmas BY the
Dull Thuds in Your Breast.


From the New York Herald
Now Is the time when the weary husband
manly which mean the man who is Q hus-
oand-coming home from his daily endeavor to
pick up enough of this worlds goods TO keep
the baker from uprising and the landlord from
riotous proceedings and the butcher from
sleeping his cleaver in your gore, or a. least
your credit is greeted by conundrums which
make him bedew his midnight pillow with
many tears.
my dear, what are you going to do for
Christmas?'
Don't know, I'm sure"
But you ought TO know. Don't you realize
that the time is flying, and if you wait. till the
last minute you will have to pay double for
Yes, 1 suppose So By the way. / got nv
life insurance notice today-S5O-must be paid
Mhere ere, IN n, thunder am going TO get $50 before
Carrie told me today that she was Just ach-
ing Tor handsome bronze clock. found a
eight"
husbandman groans. "Why not buy her q
house and lot and be done with it9'' He does
not say this very loud.
Il really don't know what to give your
mother. have looked everywhere The only
thing can think of is gloves, and we have given
her tnose two years in succession. Come, give
me some idea. You never do help
for a changer
.Oh, Charley, you are SO unkind. You act
at all" Ae'p AAe
"Bother Christmas"
Yes, that's what you always saw. think
| world" o -A '-
'sSeems IN mo , ,,,.,, H. -:
ing to earn money without trying to think
up ways OF squandering it. You know business
mas Deen bad lately and L am doing all can to
keep from going to the wall and all the time
you are padgering me as to what we shall give
DICK and Polly and the twins and triplets and
my brothers and your sisters and all the moth
ers-ln-law and four grandfathers and whole
caoooole or nleces and nephews Bother take
II, never did see such a multitudinous family
one porn every minute and none ever dies"
M, but my dear, you would not want to have
Christmas go by without doing anythineY''
Don't care if We did-why no. 1 suppose we
have got to do something. There. for heavens
sake, don't begin to cry. Why is it that we
can't have quiet little family discussion but
you nave got to snort and shuttle about iti
Here, what is it you want of me? will do any,
thing-anything to keep peace in the family
Better Half. (mollifed)- "well, there's Aun,
brance."
And why Aunt Jane any more than Aunt
Kate and Aunt Tabitha and the two Aunt Liz
zies and the three Aunt Sophiesr'
why, we spent whole month at Aunt
| Jane last summer, and may want"
That's So We ought to give Aunt Jane
something bang up. would spend at least SO
on Aunt Jane. Send her some of that cheap
Japanese stuff you can get on 14th street-make
1t big and faring-and l know place where
you can get bully candy (for the country at 10
cents pound. I'll get five-pound box of il
and we can make up grand Christmas box
worth a month next summer at the very
| least"
c.r ~ suppose we have got to give something to
Il suppose so-drat 'em. But make il light.
| sweetheart. You know there is the Office bow
and the Janitors turkey, and something pretty
Tor my little typewriter-won't do to forget
her, you know, cause I! have SO much extra
work for her to do evenings. These things
look on in the light of investments. not az
presents"
| There is long pause after this and husband.
man wonders what his wife is thinking Of
| hopes 1t Is not OF typewriters. She puts him
| TO the blush a moment later by saving:
| "And now, darling, what about YOU? wan,
to give you something real elegant this year
| You always put me off and persuade me into
buying something real mean and small and
then give me something awfully extravagant
It's my turn now. What do YOU want,
| What do l want?-nothing"
Oh, but you mus say something"
| what do want? A suit of clothes, a new
| overcoat, hat, fannels, a dozen handker-
| chiefs, pair of real shoes-rve got tired OF
| uppers-a cravat, some socks, a pot of money.
| an unbalanced bank book; hang it, all the bank
| books ever had balance so nicely, each page
| and its opposite
Charles G. POmegranite you are too
aggravatlng for anything. As soon as daylight
| comes shall pack up and go to my mother!'
go to H-ackensack-Id don't care"
On the day before Christmas. when little Mrs
Pomegranite, after infinite pains and trouble
| muitltudlnous shopping and the exercise of real
genus In the way of getting bargains, timidly
| asks Charley if he does not want to look at the
presents she has secured he suddenly wakes up
| to the spirit of the occasion and saws YES with
| a strong CLEAN of interest. She brings them
| out and he looks them over with his nose in the
| air.
Well, that's what I call the most measly
lot OF presents l ever saw in my life" he
"Oh, Charleym
why, should be ashamed to look my rela.
| tives in the face if We didn't get them some.
| thing better than that
But you said you could not afford-and YOU
would not give me the slightest suggestion
''You know You did"
| bah Send them to an orphan asylum. Give
| 'em to the janitor's wife,
He slams on his hat and slams ont of the
house. All the rest of the day and far into the
night when Charley gets home somewhat the
worse Tor Christmas eve good wishes the door
bell is rung by delivery me from various stores
bringing articles which fairly take Mr.. P's
| breath away, and in the morning when he
spanks the boys and kisses the girls and sends
30 down to the janitor she opens a little store
containing six pairs of socks, q dozen new
handkerchiefs and cravat, and he. caily sing
ing. christmas comes but once a wear. and
when it comes let's have good cheer" produces
little jeweled gold watch and chain with the
name of Mrs. Pomsgranite neatly traced in
miniature diamonds.
On the 18th day Of January following the
| newspapers announced the failure of the firm
OF POmegranite Il Periwinkle. dealers in relig-
lous art materials. and the curtain drops on a
drama which, with some variations, will be rec
ognized by about 200. 900 readers of the Herald
AZ the merry season draws near.
One Bride at the Capitol.
"These brides make me tired" said a guide
at the Capitol to a STAR reporter yesterday. 81
don't mind the grooms at all. Though they
are as rule SO spooney, they often give me
tips in addition to the dollar charge for sery-
ices. But it is the questions the brides ask that
give meapain. Why, doyou know, young thing
in poke bonnet and fur cape was talkin' to me