The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-05-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The Office hunter knows no close sea-
son.
There is one thing the hardware dealer
always has on hand-nails.-Boston
Bulletin.
Isn't it rather remarkable that "the
oldest inhabitant' is never a woman!--
Washington star.
IAN the world loves lover"-except
the Young lady's father and the dog
Burlington Free Press,
Il is unfortunate for shoemaker when
his customers are unable to foot their
bills.-Ne,g Orleans PicdytHe.
"There's one of your patent frees
canes. said the traveller as a tinder from
the locomotive struck him in the eye
Rome Sentinel.
Wife (groaning with neuralgia)-"Oh,
how my jaw aches! 1t almost drives me
crazy" Husband (signifcantly)--"Think
of me my dear"
"Say, mamma, asked a sweet young
miss of five, "why do people have two
ears when they can only hear enc thing at
time" ?"-Ju3ge.
A household paper tells how "to get
grease out of white marble" An easier
way is to get it out of the butcher shop.
dorchester Post ESpreSs.
The man who is always being found
out considers himself unfortunate, unless,
perhaps, it is the bill collector who hap
pens to find him out.-StdtesmdR.
Patient ton diet)-"Doctor, have
a strange craving for baked beans. Are
they healthy" Doctor-'I never
treated any. ."-LaUrence American.
At the Hotel. l.-Traveler Sitting up in
bed, watch in hand)-"Six o'clock, and
nobody comes to wake me. l shall be
sure to miss the train. ''-FrdHce Mode.
In the cleaning, oh, my darling,
When come thine eyes TO see,
Tie the dog up, tie kim tightly,
Then Iii feel it's safe for me.
Philadelphia Times.
Will-'I believe editors weigh care
fully all manuscripts sent to them Bill
ian author)-"YeS, in order to ascertain
the amount of return postage necessary"
- Yankee Blade.
He (cautiously-''What would you
say, darling, if should ask you plump
| ly to be my wife," Darling teyen more
cautiously)-"Ask me and find out. -
| Washington Star.
A New York doctor says that travel
ing on the railroad will cure dyspepsia.
| This doctor never can have heard of the
railway ham sandwich. Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
Algy (who has more than lie .s,r,ns ,S, De'
-"Pooh! Riches have WINS. c. +. L,
Jack (who hasn't enoughl-erm, 1889.
they're mighty slow in fl trespass;
fellow. .'-7ezas SVtings. a,H5s AHS 4.,atSdnn ~
A veteran soldier fightaa 20, oNs, o.
again. He is telling how . 20 % "
by the explosion Of a shell. :, SfS," ,"3s Not
| he, "when looked around % .Te,. 10
that | was blind-"-L0aas, q 70
The average wife may say, 'Iaao
| so" occasionally, but she is M
| enought not to remind her husband o.
the idiotic nonsense he used to talk to
her in their courtship days.-SOmpciM
| Journal.
Transient-"Do yon think there is
much of field here for dentist2"
| Landlord-'I should think so. There's
one man up at the head of the street
that's got an acher or two. o."-BtHg-
hamt0n Leader.
''And what has become of your son
Jimmiel" "Jimmie's gone into jour
nalism." "Why, he is only ten years
old" "True for you; but he sells forty
newspapers a day. He's a smart boy,
| that Jimmie. - Blgar.
Things one would rather have ex-
pressed differently: Jones neryously
/ conscious that he is interrupting q pleas
ant e-a-tetel-A-'I'm sorry to say I've
been told TO take you in to supper Miss
| Bclsize vn-LORd0H Punch.
Churgit, '92-"Can have this put on
my account here2" Mr.. Tck-"Nery
sorry, sir, but we don't know you.
Chargit (makinga trial elsewherel-"Put
this down for me, please. You know me,
l believer Mr.. Hungup-''Most un-
fortunately we do, sir. Sorry we can't
accommodate you. ~ Yale Record