Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-09-04
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Astonishing Development = Fifty
Tries to be Funny.-A Fair
Average Cost, Etc, Etc.
HER MOTIVE WAS ARCHITECTURAL.

Average Cost, ETC., ETC.
HER MOTIVE WAS ARCHITECTURAL.
Mrs. DeFash-Amy, why are you all
the time looking out of the Windows
Don't you know it's not good form9
Amy Yes, ma, but you said yourself
the other day that the front Of the house
is too plain and needs some decoration
badly Munsey's Weekly.
LOOKS LIKE THEM ALL.
Selby-They say that husbands and
wives grow to look like each other as
they grow older.
Ponsonby-Is that 500 What a SPLEEN
did composite photograph old Plentypop
would take, them He's been married
nine times Burlington Free Press.
TOMMY WAS RIGHT.
81 is" began Tommy, when the
teacher interrupted him.
"That is wrong; you should say i
am"
"All right, " said Tommy. 81 am the
ninth letter of the alphabet"
PAPA's JOKE.
Youngest Son-Papa, did you throw
stones at apples when you was boy2
Father-No; / threw stone into
peach tree once, and what do you think?
Son--You broke window
Father-No. / knocked off peach
and on opening it found the stone
WASP.
ASTONISHING DEVELOPMENT.
Visitor-Tve not seen any of you for
ever so long. How is your little brother
coming on, Tommy
Tommy-First rate He can whistle
for himself and wear my pants Texas
Siftings.
AN OFF YEAR.
''Well, Uncle Israel, how did you get
on with your farming this yearP'
Uncle Israeli didn't made nothin', |
marster. You see, me an de boss was
workin' orn sheers. greed to do de
farmin' for harf de crap, an l didn.t |
make but harf crap dis year, an so, in
course, | didn't git nothin'.- Harper's
Weekly.
EASILY REMEDIED.
"Look here, Davis" exclaimed the
manager of the dime museum, aghast
you have made mistake. 1t wasn't an
eskimo girl wanted for this department.
t was a Circassian girl"
THAT'S all right, colonel, replied the
raveling agent. "Ulga, he said, turn
ng to the dusky beauty, Ego wash your
ace and frizz your hair. ~ Chicago
Times.
FIFTY TRIES TO BE FUNNY.
'Hello, Fifty, where did you get that
lack eye2n
"0h, it was only lovers quarrel"
Lovers QUARREL Why, your girl did
OF give you that, did she9n
mo, it was her other lover ~ New
-ork Herald.
CORRECTED.
"Will you love me when I'm oldgn !
ing the maiden of uncertain age.
viii II" murmured a crusty old {
lchelor. "DoIp you mean. ~ Wash t
IN Star.
A DESIRABLE NErGHBoRHooD. :
Chickering- Some of the new houses
1-town are so narrow that a piano can
1T be put in.
Baus (excitedly)-You don't know the /
Mt of the houses next door to them, do
'uT-[Puck. =
FAIR AVERAGE COST.
Mrs. Cumso-"You've seen these dol
r-dinner-bills-of-fare in the household !.
lgazines? Il
Mrs. Fangle-Yes, l got one up the II
her day.
elbow much did it cost youl" d
''Three dollars and a half" y
THE BILL WENT WITH THE BIRD.
50 How much is that canary2"
g Ten dollars" Xxi
Very well. I'll take it. Send the
l." br
= We cannot send the bill without the LEI
t of the bird. ~ Bazaar. W
WEALTHY AFTER ALL.
Mr.. Bondheavy," said the young
n, with much assurance, "Ihave come
lin to ask you for the hand of your ga
lighter" IN
Didn't tell you only last night that III
daughter should never marry the M,
of poor peachgrower9" on
Yes" said the lover, "but my father 70
10 longer poor. He found two baskets .h y,
peaches in his orchard this morning, OF,
~ asi
Take her, my boy, and may you be
Ply. ri Norristown Herald. on
LEAVES.
pring-time. when an unseen sprite,
rose wreath in the garden weaves,
| all the skies are blue and white, PFC
he maple leaves. O"I
ore the winters angry blast .
! bleak December means and grieves, nov
szing the ducks in the lakelet fast W
hen autumn leaves. am