Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-12-25

Bade me forget.
Dost love her yet,
Fair Antoinette2
This much I'll tell
Since on her soil
She's now struck oil
love her well.
.~.evovs hAcx.
Young Mr.. Forundred Gn Squash
Center)-Aw, my good man, do you ev
ah have foX-hunts heah!
Native-Nope.
''What is the mattah? No foxes2"
'Plenty O. foxes"
"No dogs"
"Plenty O. dogs"
"No horses?"
"Plenty O. horses"
"Then-aw-whati is the muttah?"
"No fools. > New York Weekly.
WHERE MOST OF THEM OCCUR.
Pedestrian (excitedly)-By heavens! !!
if that wasn't close shave!
ystander-Wherc?
Pedestrian the barber shop
[Binghamton Republican.
IN A GOTHAM FLAT.
Mrs. Rentem examining the fat)--
Where does this passageway lead, my
MANI
Janitor Gndignantly)-That isn't a
passagcway, ma'am; that's the dining
ROOM Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.
ONE or THOSE PARADoxEs.
Explain it any way you can,
The facts are seemingly disjointed,
But the speeches of the bluntest man,
Are apt to be most sharply pointed.
UTILITY.
Dealer-These carpets can't be beat,
mum.
Customer Huh! Catch me buying
carpets that can't be beat. What dye
'spose | keep husban' for2
TINES CHANGES.
Brown-So you could never under
stand woman!
Cobwigger-No. Before marriage
occupied my time in making myself ou
worse than was; now it takes me every
minute Of my time to make myself ou
| pSNeSi ehph bPoShs
STRUCK AGAINST HIM.
"Hello, McCor4le, how did you ge
your head broken like that2"
Labor troubles, McCrackle."
Labor troubles?'
eyes; my wife went on q strike. ~
Epoch,
RUFFLED Majesty
Lord Salisbury-Your Majesty seems
if | may be permitted to say so, to
rutfed this morning.
Queen Victoria-I am, my lord.
little incident occurred this morning tina
has had quite nervous effect upon me-
Lord Salisbury-Did you lose you
collar button2
IMPRUDENT.
Cholly-Do you know | met Jack O
the street and he was wrapped i
thought2
Ethel-Oh dear! How unfortunate
l am sure he caught cold.
BUT HE DIDN'T.
| Jimpson-One thing I'd like to know
Cara Bellows-Yes, you ought to know
one thing at least.
HE WAS "NoT IN IT,"
A man from the West at feast
Met charming young girl from tn
East.
He asked for her hand,
She scorned his demand
For the poor fellows pants were no
creased.
Il -LClothier and Furnisher
SYMPATHETIC.
Simpson, always pay as go.
Cora Bellows (yawning)-Ah! You
creditors have my sympathy.
A BLEAK PRosPEoT.
IIusband-My dear, we will have tc
begin to ccononize right off.
Wife-Dear me What has happened
Husband Cigars have gone up
New York Weekly.
PROFESSOR KOCH oUTDoNE.
Johnny St. George (aged nine) has
Just been completely cured of consump-
tion of six jam tarts daily, which had
already lasted more than year.
81 have Just been reading an interest.
ing story of two men who were lost in
the Adirondacks while hunting" said
the beautiful Miss Hickins. "Were yor
ever lost, Mr.. Tubbs."
"Once."
''When"
"When first saw you Twas lost in ad
miration, and may add that have moi
since been found. - Bazar.
ANOTHER OBJECTION.
''There is one objection to the new
tariff bill that 1 huve not seen men
toned"
"What is thati"
at doesn't remove the tacks from cal
pets."-[ Bazaar.
WORTHY OF DIRECTORS PLACE.
Strawber-That was a pretty goo
trick that was played on gas compan
in Chicago. A fellow out there discor
nected his meter, put a rubber tub
around it, and for months they didn
discover that he had been robhing then
Singerly-What did they do with hiI
them
Strawber-They made him one of tn
directors of the company Life.
HE WANTED THEM BACK.
"Sir," he said, haughtily, "leave m
presencew
fT'll be blessed if 1 do" he answered