davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Awaits that countless army of martyrs
whose ranks are constantly recruited from
the victims of nervousness and nervous dis
eases. The price of the boon is a systemat-
ic course Of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, the
finest and most genial of tonic ueryines, pur-
sued with reasonable persistence. Easier,
pleasanter and safer this than TO swash the
victuailing department with pseudO-tOnicss
alcoholic or the reverse, beef extracts, nerve
foods, narcotics, sedatiyes and pCisOns in dis
guise. ''TiTed Natures sweet restOrer,
balmy sleep, - is the prOyidential recuperant
of weak nerves, and this glorious franchise
being usually the consequences of sound d.
gestiOn and increased vigOr, the great stOm-
achic which insures both Is productive also,
of repOse at the required time. Not Unre-
fEeshed aWakens the individual who uses its
but vigorous, cleaF-headed and tranquil. Use
the Bitters also IN fever and ague, rheuma-
tisn, kidney troubles constipation and bill
iOusuess-
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
You Never Can Be Certain.

Judge 3. r. Hoar, OF. Concord, Ne,
relates the following remarkable in
stance of mistaken identity:
A man was tried for highway rob
berry at East Cambridge, Mass, some
forty years ago. He had no counsel,
belonged to the class of habituaI Grim
inaIs, and as the evidence went in you
would have said the case was hopeless.
The person robbed identified him with
absolute certainty. Other witnesses,
who had known him long and init
mately, testified to seeing him in the
neighbOrhood Of the place where the
robbery was committed just before it
occurred, and others who knew him
equally well heard his voice at the time
of the Outcries, and saw him running
away from the scene of the crime AS
the Government ended the examina-
ton of each witness, the Court asked
the prisoner in the dock if he wished
to ask any questions. To which he
uniformly answered: eyes, one cues
ton, and, being told to ask it, it was
each time:
care you sure it was me?
To this each witness replied:
Certainly; I know it was you.
When the Governments case was
closed, the Judge asked the prisoner if
he had any evidence to offer or wished
to say anything to the jury.
He had seemed to be very cold and
unmOved during the trial, making no
comment on his failure to disturb the
confidence of any adverse witness, and
to the Judges question replied:
II should like to call one witness"
"Call him, then ?" said the Judge.
is Capt. Robbins in court !" said the
prisoner, and there stepped forward
the weII-knOwn master of the house of
correction, with his record book of
commitments under his arm.
"DO you know me?" asked the pris-
Oner.
Il should think I did" replied Capt.
Robbins.
"WiI you look in the record and tell
the court where I was on the 18th of
last December?" (the day of the crime
on triaD.
Capt. Robbins looked in his book.
"YOu were in the house Of correction
at South Boston, serving out a years
sentence for larceny"
"That's al, j." said the prisoner.
The Judge said to the jury that the
defense, though not especially credit
able, seemed to be conclusive if they
believed Capt. Robbins. OF course
the man was acquitted.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
EXILE Wis

There is a quaint Arabian legend
which tells of the pilgrimage to Mecca
of two deYOut followers of the prophet.
AbOuk journeyed on foot; Selim was
mounted on a camel. At nightfau,
both the pilgrims had reached a spring
of water in the desert, where grew a
few palm trees.
ct is a long and tedious Journey"
said AbOuk
con the contrary, it is short and
pleasant" answered SeIim. It was
cheered by mirage on the horizon
wherein I saw the spires of the temple
of the holy city"
"There was no mirage, no holy city
to be seen!" angrily declared AbOuk;
there were, instead, 1egiOns Of venom
Gus ants in the sand that bit and poi
soned my flesh"
Not a single ant was on the desert,
reJOlned SeiIm..
The two pilgrims were quarreling
tierceIy, when a good priest, also jour
neYing tow ard Mecca, came up. He
listened to them patiently.
peace, my brethren, he said at
last; "Iet US leave these questions until
tomorrow night to decide. In the
meantime, let Selim go on foot and
AbOuk ride the camel"
They consented to this exchange of
places. On the next night it was
Abouk who had seen the glorious visions
and found the journey pleasant, and it
was SeIim who had been bitten by the
ants.
my brothers, said the priest, swe
are all going to Mecca, whether we
walk or ride; but SeIim can not see
what Abouk sees unless he stands
where AbOuk stands. 1t is well to
change places occasionally"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

As a soldier, it is easy now to see
that his greatness consisted largely in
the way he received disaster. He
proved his nobility In rising above de-
feat, in wrenching success from failure;
in keeping an immovable front against
reverse. detraction and infamous abuse.
His life was one long struggle-nOt, as
TO a superficial view it might seem, a
series Of mere fortunate successes.
High character, rather than good
Iuck. was his immortal equipment.
But it is as q citizen that Washing
ton gives what may be thought to be
the most valuable lesson Of his career
the lesson of absolute honesty, abso-
Int Observation-Disclosures Let those who
preach. who teach, who vote, make the
contrast on all occasions between the
tone of Washington and that of every
public man of to-day who falls below
his standard. The standard Is not
too high for any man. Washington
was no angel, saint or demigOd. We
have a right to exact from every man
who takes public service equal public
virtue. The people do this theOretic-
ca4Iv, If not practically, already; but
we VIII not have city, State or national
government what it should be till we
make the demand In practice as welI
as in theory. Century,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
Divorce in the Future.

Judge-You say, madam, that the
defendants language to you was Of the
most prOfane and abusive character2
Plaintiff Choking with sObs) -
yves, sir. It was awful.
JUDGE am very sorry, madam. but
your testimony on that point is not
sufficient. Have you no witnesses to
corobOrate you on this subject?
Plaintiffs attorney-One moment,
your Honor. am able to reproduce
exactly the language used to my client
by the defendant on several occasions.
William, turn the crank Of the phOno-
graph.
Phonograph-! ~!
Judge-Give the plaintiff her de-
-An1eTicG.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

naturally as a mosquito evolves from q
rain-water barrel. The people down
IN the COOIie are getting up a Fourth
Of July picnic celebration, which I ex-
pect to attend, and when the air is full
to splitting Of patriotism, how can I
think of anything else?
The proud bird of Freedom, which
usually sits with one foot on the Rocky
Mountains and the other on the Ale
ghanies, and its head in Alaska, is
careering around the country, seeking
for IbeTty-pOle on which to perch for
the whole of the immortal, unenduring
Fourth of July, and when I hear his
screams through my back window, how
can 1 think of some commonplace sJ3O-
iect?
L do not mind confessing to you
that my soul is faint and weary with
dimIy defined longings and unsatisfed
aspirations. Iwant to be a procession,
and march through the dust of a snare
drum and triange. I want to hear
the orator Of the day deliver his SUBJ
lime, sOul-thrilling, original grafton,
learned from the old Fifth Reader,
and which we have all heard repeated
on every anniversary of the glorious
day for the last century.
1 want to reveI in the delights of
scOrched peanuts and sat-in-the-sun-
tWO-hOurs ice cream. I want a piece
of spOnge with an ant in it, q
sandwich seasoned with little black
beetles, and a piece of lemon pie deco
rated with big black spider.
want to sit three hours on a bench
without back to it, with my feet in
a mud-puddIe and the sun shining on
hO al, 10,
bacco and makes a target of q tree
three feet in front of me sitting Just
behind me. And I shall be discOnsO-
late if 1 do not have the girl who
wishes every one to know that she also
has beau on one side of me and her
young man on the other, so that. in
their efforts to attract attention, they
will whisper together so loudly that I
can't hear the choir Of two little girls
and boy sing America" and Hail
Columbia
But if all these blessings are granted
I shall still be wildly, franticalIy I'M
happy unless 1 likewise have the small
boy and the firecracker. When Z
leave my delightful seat in the UNI
brageOus forest, the forest primeval,
to seek a goblet of rain water with two
wigglers and a lemon seed in it, ycIept
lemonade, I want to feel one frecracker
explode in my ear, one on the brim of
my hat, and torpedo hit the side of
my nose just at the critical moment
when have the aforesaid goblet of
deIecta BILE thirst-reducer inclined to my
mouth at an angle of forty-fve degrees.
And now can you expect a cOntribu-
ton from me, while such aspirations as
these go careering through the mag
nifcently unfinished chambers of my
brain for ages
NINETTE M. LOWATER.
EXILE, Wis.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

time in saying their prayers that they
spend in trying to take the "kink" out
of their 'trOuser legs, heaven would be
full of males.
All this time spent in fretting and
Tuning can be avoided.
How?
Every night when you remove your
trousers spread them out fat from
front to rear, making the front fold
turn on the first suspender button, and
bringing the front and rear crease in
each leg together in such a way that
the inner seams in the leg viii lie one
over the other, as shown in the cut.
Then, having done this, make another
fold just at the knee, and throw both
legs back so that the bottom of the
legs almost touch the waistband just
below the buttons. Then lay the trOus-
ers away, and, if possible, place another
pair upon them, or better still, clean
surfaced board. Change as often as
you can if you have several pairs, for
trousers worn every day must get out
of shape.
mis- is a sure cure for "bagging."
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
A Norwegian wins eI5 900.

chicago I'D hTEansas LEaTeIeF, ny Y.
Ticket No So ,848 drew the first capital
prize of 100000 IN the June 18th drawing Of
the Louisiana State Lottery. Hearing that
Ole Anderson, of Chicago, held One-fortieth
of the winning ticket, a TTGUsIer reporter
was sent to interview Mr.. Anderson. He
was found at his home, 259 w. Erie street,
and in answer to the reporters inquiries,
said: ST was born in Ageroen, near Lille
sand, Norway, and came to America four
teen years ago. Last month invested one
dollar in One-fOrtieth Of No. 55s84S. That
number drew 100000 in the June Il drawing
of the Louisiana State Lottery, and my one
fortieth-915, C0O-has been collected and
paid to me by the American Express COM
pany. This is the first time ever bought 3
lottery ticket and naturally am Eejoicsd at
my good fortune. I shall at once buy a com
Portable home and wiI continue at my trade
as before"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
A Cure for Squirting.

A cure for squirting, which is not so
unsightly as the method at present
generally adopted-black goggles with
a hole in the center, is highly recon-
mended. Let the person afflicted take
any pair Of spectacles that suit his
sight, or even plain glass, and in the
center Of one lens let him gum a small
blue or black wafer Cor spot Of black
photo varnish or Brunswick black.
about the size Of a ten cent piece. The
result is that the double image van
ishes, and the eye, without fatigue or
heat, is forced to look STRAIGHT, and
with time and patience is cured. --NelU
York Commercial Advertiser.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
Shifting the ResnOnsibiIitv

The railway accident had been a ter
rible one, and one Of the men who were
carrying the thirty-seventh victim up
the embankment said with strong
feeling:
Somebody viii have to pay dearly
for all this.
The mangled passenger opened his
eyes and glared at the speaker.
The company IS not to blame" he
said feebly; this is a dispensation Of
Providence"
He was the attorney Of the road
Chicago Tribune.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

AN English engineer has written a
pamphlet to prove that if the north
pole could be blown up with dynamite,
the effect would be to render the Arctic
region habitable and open up the North
west passage. We doubt not that a
large number Of generous-hearted men
would be willing to furnish the neces-
sary charge of dynamite. But who will
undertake to produce the pole? Thus
far in its career this particular pole has
managed to elude gentlemen who have
been searching for it, and it isnot prob
able that the prospects of being blown
up Will render it less shy.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

AN examination of the brains Of 2O3
newly born infants shows that those of
the male children average eleven and
nine-tenths ounces in weight, while
those Of the female average three
tenths Of an ounce less. In each case
the proportion of the weight of the
brain to that of the rest of the body at
birth is very nearly in the proportion
of one to eight. Thus it will be seen
that the fairer sex starts in life at a
very small disadvantage in actual
weight in this respect, while when the
difference in size of male and female
children is considered it is at no disad-
vantage.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Mrs. Bhnks There goes that handsome
man into Widow De Young's again. He
was there two hours this morning, too. I'd
give anything to know who he is, and why
he calls there.'s
Mr.. Blinks-''Weu, my friend Jinks is a
cepsus enumeratOr. III tell him to stop in
and ask her!
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

THE primitive ways of the old time
preachers would create a sensation
nowadays, Two hundred and fifty
years ago Rev. Thomas Hooker was the
preacher on some great occasion in
Cambridge, Mass. Governor Win
throp and many other distinguished
people from Boston were present In
the quaint words of the chrOnicler. Mr..
Hooker, who had high reputation as
a painful preacher. began his dis
course @with much strength of voice
and intention of spirit. But after
preaching a quarter of an hour he
stopped and, informing the people that
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
oRATIEYINc 10 a.

The high position attained and the uni,
versal acceptance and approval of the pleas.
ant liquid fruit remedy, Syrup of Figs, as
the most excellent laxative known, illustrate
the value of the qualities on which its success
is based and are abundantly gratifying to
the California Fig Syrup Company.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

The merchant who feels that rates
for advertising In his home paper are
high, will please read these quotations
and reflect: A single page in a single
issue of the Century, taken for adver-
Using purposes, costs $500; in Harper'S,
800; in other prominent magazines
from $3.50 down to $780, A yearly adj
vertisement of one column in the Chi
cago Tribune costs $26, 600; in the New
York Tribune, 500, 454 for the lowest,
and $50, $50 for the highest rates; in
the New York Herald, $50, 293 for the
lowest and $4,000 for its highest
priced column. These papers, it is
said, are never at a loss for advertising
to fill their columns, and this fact
proves that advertising pays even at the
highest rates.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

He-''When an Indian gives a present it
is always with the expectations of getting
something in return of equal or greater val
us."
She-'eWhy, how funny. That's just exact
ly like our wedding present system, isn't
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

God had deprived him Ct all his power,
left the pulpit and went into the woods
near by. The congregation quietly
waited, and after half an hour Mr..
Hooker returned and, resuming the
thread Of his discourse where he had
dropped it, went on so very good pur-
pose for about two hours"
HELENA, the Montana metropolis, has
some comfortable features which would
be appreciated further east. The city
is built mainly in the celebrated last
Chance Gulch, which yielded in years
past more than thirty million dollars in
gold dust. The abundance Of the pre-
cious metal led the miners into shiftless
ways, and the washing of the dirt was
careIessly done, leaving considerable
yellow dust in the ground. When ex-
eavating for q house now the soil re-
moved is again treated, with the result
usually Of finding enough gold to ma
terialIy help pay for the walls. It is
said that a gentleman, a resident, with
an eye to thrift, has provided the foot
scraper of his dwelling with a recepta-
BILE to catch the drOppings, and once
month he has a "clean up" which about
pays his rent. Such opportunities
would excite attention in other cities,
but the vast output of the neighbOring
mines, constantly pouring into Helena,
so gorges the town with gold and silver
that they have become almost a drug
on the market.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

There is no article made that purity is as
important in as soap. Thousands, however,
buy cheap adulterated soaps to save few
cents and lose dollars in rOtted clothing.
DObbin's Electric Soap, perfectly pure,
sGUes dollars.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

A Connecticut man has Just been tried in
court for kissing girl whom he had Just
known a hours. A Vermont girl would
desplse a man who should wait so long as that.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

GEORGE 3. TAYLOR, of Newaygo,
Mich, has just received a pension Of
$50 per month through the efforts of
Congressman Cutcheon. Taylor had a
hard time during the battle of the
Wilderness. He was in his tent dur
ing the morning when the Confederate
cavalry surprised the Union troops.
During the excitement Taylor lost his
hat, and all day he fought under the
fiery rays of a midsummer's sun with
out the protection Of a cap. It affected
his sight, and blindness gradually came
en-, until now his eyes are entirely
sight1ess.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Boston will not permit her citizens to drink
standing. This viii be good news to those
who cannot stand drinking.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

THE man who marries for money has
one advantage over those who marry
for other considerations he can know
what he gets; if he can feed upon husks
and chaff, it Is competent to him to see
that his trough Is filed.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Miss Lentils (in Boston,: have just dis
covered a poem which cannot understand.
Miss Beans: 0, how nice. Let us or
ganize club Immediately.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

The man who applied for a marriage
license and got dog license instead didn't
realize until five years afterwards what q
narrow escape from happiness he had.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

''Did you hear of themad zebras at Bar
num's?' No. What made them mRd?'
''They overheard some one say they looked
like dudes about to play lawn tennis"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

The man who is trying to climb up finds
lots of heels above him and lots of fists be-
hind him.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Exchanging Confidence.-Clara3 I have
such horror of growing old.
q Maud (sweetly) I should think you would
have got over it by this time.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

'sDid your husband leave a wil?' asked
the lawyer of the widow-fOr-th e-secOnd-tim
81 don't think he could. know he never
had any as long as Ihaye been married to
him.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Beauty hardly wears her heart upon her
sleeve, but present fashions show that she
puts her heart into the making of it.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

YEARS ago in Russia a young man
named Lapen became enamored of a
girl named Meaks. To obtain permits
sion to marry her Lapen stole 50, 500
from his father and gave it to Meaks,
the girls father. But the Meaks family
secretly came to this country, settling
at Meriden, Conn, and thither followed
the young Lapen. The girl, however,
refused to see him and now Lapen is
suing for the recovery Of the $4,000.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Having used ''lIother's FRIEND I would
not be without it. 1t is a boon to wives who
know they must pass through the painful
ordeal of childbirth. Mrs. Q. MELBURN5
Iowa. Write the Bradfeld Regulator Co.,
Atlanta, Ga, for further particulars. Sold
by all druggists.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

An Indian named Iron MOccasin, lives
at Fort Pierre. The young braves there
must be afraid to to call on his daughter.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

'sWhen asked her to marry she began to-
shrink like-Elze a flannel shirt. " That's an .
odd comparison; what do you meanF' Just
what I say. She got up around my neck,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Lady: heard you had a fire here and are
selling goods at a bargain!
Butcher: That's right, ma'am. Look at
those fine hams for "A cents a pound, only
slightly damaged by smoke.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

A Suit for Damages. The one Johnnie
wears for week days.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

~ LA q - ~ go l+LLsou
but to a fastidious
man the sight is al
m os t unbearabIe.
B . tt q have a
crumpIed shirt or a
shiny coat tina n
baggy trousers.
a piOus observer
once remarked that
if men would only
spend One-haIf the
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

THERE is on exhibition at Keokuk,
Ia, the pattern of the insoIe of a pair
of shoes made at Kakoka for a girl liv-
ing at Rainbow, Mo. The girl for
whom these shoes were made is only
seventeen years old, and is seven feet
seven inches in height, and weighs two
hundred and thirty-five pounds. She
has had many offers to pose in a
museum, all of which she has rejected.
The insoIe referred to measures fifteen
and one-half inches in length and six
and one-third inches in width.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

J. G. SIMPSON, Marques, w. Va, says,
fFHall's Catarrh Cure cured me of a very bad
case of catarrh.' Druggists sell it, 75c.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Notwithstanding the fact that whisky is
made in a still, It Is apt to become noisy
when drunk.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

Few men stand prosperity well-prObRbly
because few men have a chance.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

THE King of Siam has a private for
tune of $4,000, 600, with an annual in
come of 100000. OF course the
temptation of a man with this wealth
to require everybody to approach him
on all-fours is very great, and yet the
Siamese monarch. has lately abolished
this custom.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31
A Boon to Wives.

Song of the wOod-chopper: ''He's a Jolly
Good Feller.'
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

The man who keeps getting deeper and
deeper in debt Is naturally a person Of more
owes tendencies
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-07-31

The man who winks at the soda fountain
clerk is the one who really has ''sml IN issia
eye"