The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1890-12-19
VARIETIES.

-"She is a great philanthropist." "She
She never helped fellow creature 10 her
life" Possibly-but she loves the men,"
Said an English advocate of free trade 10
an American, ~ really don't know how wo
shall get you into the right way OF thinking,
unless we 90 over there and thrash you
"What," cried the American, 'again 7"
-Gargoyle (showing his curioslties)-
"This is an Indian Ratchet dug from
mound in Ohio" Mr.. Fangle-"How in
teresting have read that the Indians were
in the habit of burying the Ratchet"
1t was Verbal-Lawyer-"Ha you got
a verbal contract with him?' Pat-"Indade
have, but didn't bring it wild me, for the
razon that l don't behave it's wurth the
raper it's written on"
-Countryman Ito hotel clerk) II reckon
you'll have to give US another room, mister.
Clerk-"What is the matter with the room
you have at present." Countrymen-"The
sign says: "Don't blow out the gas" and I
can't sleep with that bright light burning in
my room"
The Marquis of Calinaux, called in to ar.
range a duel, lays down the law; "fhe
prime requirements ofgood faith is that the
two combatants shall Oe placed at exactly
equal distance one from the other"
-"There is good deal of fun made about
physicians" said the doctor to his wife 'but
what would people do if there were noner
"Yes indeed" said the wife; what would
they do? They would die without their
aid"
When Alexander was asked how he con-
quered the world, he replied: "By not de-
laying" A good suggestion for any practi-
cal worker. 1t is from the habit of putting
off that SO many good things that are thought
OF are left especially the payment Of
honest debts.
-"Hello Uncle Mose," said colored boy
on Pennsylvania avenue, "readin' de pa.
paL ?" Eyes, sab; OATS whot is," said the
venerable negro, as he adjusted his spectacles
and shook a fold out of the journal he held.
"Hez you notussed dat yoh hez it up side
DOWN." "Hum-er-yassendeed yer hez
ter know er heap bout readin' fob 20 kin do
dat"
-Accuracy.-Teacher ito new pupi)-
"What is your last name, my little man?"
New Pupil-"Tommy." Teacher-"What
is your full name?" New Pupil-"Tommy
Jones'" "Then Jones is your last Manner!
Tommy-"No, it isn't. When I was born
my name was Jones, and they didn't give me
the other for month after"
-Gilhooly went into a restaurant, gave his
order for some fried calls brains, and then
waited in vain for the waiter to bring what
he had ordered. At last he asked: "Weli,
what about the calls brains?" The waiter
shook his head dismally as he replied: 1.-THE
outlook isn't bright to-day" whats the
matter with my brains?" There isn't any,
that's ALL"
Burlington tells some touching snec-
dotes in illustration of the devoted attach
ment of the Irish peasantry to the gentry
an attachment, however, which sometimes
become embarrassing, as when faithful
game keeper hearing bis mistress say of q
gentleman she disliked, 81 wish the fellows
ears were cut off! !" took few boys with
him and brought back Dennis Bodkin's ears
in large snuff box, which, with joy in his
eye, he placed in the hands of his mistress.
Wherever you find petroleum you
won't find mosquitoes" says an oil country
man. 1.-THE insects can't stand the smell OF
the grease, and whatever oil wells are plant
ed there is no call for mosquito bars. Over
and over again I've seen mos quitoes leave q
new oil field as soon as we'll flows.
Whether petroleum applied to the face and
hands will drive off mosquitoes don't know.
But one of the few compensations of the
driller is that he's seldom troubled by mos.
OuitOes,