Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1890-04-18
THE CENSUS INQUIslTIoN.


Mr.. Robert p. Porter, the gentle
man who is at the head Of the Census
Bureau. has long been noted for his
ability in gathering statistics of vari-
Gus sorts. He was so useful to the
Republican party in the last CAM
paign on account of the way he Jug
gled tariff statistics that when Su-
perintendent of the Census was to be
appointed no one else was considered,
hardly-indeed, it looked as though
it had all been arranged beforehand
and Mr.. Porter was at once given
the place.
Mr.. Porter proposes to Guido him
self i'm the matter of statistics this
wear. He proposes to find out every
thing about everybody in the United
States. The list of questions fur
nished to the census enumerators,
and which must be answered under
penalty of a heavy fine, shows his
noble purpose TO leave no secret I'M
revealed. First, the age must be told.
While this NAV be a triiie embarass-
ing, il is undoubtedly proper. The
twenty-second interrOgatOry conpels
the victim TO state whether or not he
is suffering from acute or chrome
disease, with name of disease and
length of time afflicted. This Is in
teresting. The government wants TO
know all about its people. 1t may be
there are many cases where persons
have chronic or acute diseases which
have been regarded as strictly private
and which have been concealed from
the general public through modesty or
pride or shame or because 1t was not
the public's business. But Mr.. Porter
wants to know all about it. We
don't know why, but we suppose ne
has some wise purpose in view. May
be he intends to recommend some
brand of patent medicine that Will
cure each case. Whatever his pur-
pose, all secrets must be divulged.
The twenty-thirdq question s"wheth-
err defective in mind, sight, hearing or
speech, or whether crippled, manned
or deformed, with name of defect
This is going still further. Mr.. Por
wants TO know whether we are all
perfectly sound in mind. If we are
little cracked in the upper story,
mark it down. If we are tritle deaf,
or if our eyesighI is a little weak, we
must tell the government all about IL.
Then the persons who are manned or
deformed are required to give full
particulars. An ingrowing nail may
have caused the loss OF the great toe,
or an unlucky shot taken away the
right forefinger, or someone may have
been born without the full number OF
digits, or one limb, perhaps may be
little shorter than the other-any-
thing of this sort must be carefully
and circumspectly narrated. Some
sensitive persons may object to Civ
ing such information, but Mr.. Porter
calls for it, and he will fine you if you
won't tell.
Questions % to 80 are designed to
ascertain Nhetheryou own your home
or farm, and, if so, whether or not it
is mortgaged This would again seem
TO be a private affair, and there are
many persons who do not desire TO
make known their financial condition.
But to avoid the fine, all must be re
vealed
No one can help but admire the
genius that inspires these most inter
esting questions, and yet they are not
complete. Mr.. Porter might have
found out. while he was about it, who
and how many persons i'll the United
States wear false teeth how many
bald headed persons there are; how
many could show the marriage GER
tificate of their great grand parents;
who have corns and how many on
each foot the private opinion that
each man has of his mother-in-law.
And last, but not least, every citi-
zen should be asked to give his opin-
ion of Mr.. Robert p. Porter and his
fool census questions.