Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-08-25
The man who keeps still when he has

The man who keeps still when he has
not anything to say is public benefactor.
Great men don't strut, but the little men
who have been told they look like them
do.
Four rods make one rood, but one rod
can, take the rudeness out of quite num-
Der.
When man forgets himself he usually
does something that makes others remem-
Der him.
Banks-You seem to be in bad humor
tonight. Spaces-Yes, am grinding out
jokes"
The crank is the fellow who is always
trying to put a balance wheel on some
body else.
1t seems quite natural that the threads
of conversation should sometimes pro-
duce long yarn.
When girl elopes with her coachman,
some other man is saved from getting
amighty poor wife.
JImmy-Say, pop, what sort of paper
shall use to make my kite? Wise Parent
Fly paper, my son.
I'm sorry to see you so agitated," said
the churndasher to the cream. "Oh, new
er mindful be butter soon.'
Tom Tucker-Why is a kiss like ser
mon? Jack Horner-Because it requires
two heads and an application.
"What is your salary, DR.. Stiggins?"
"My salary" said the clergyman slowly,
lis 81, 900. But my pay is about 81, POO
.sWeI, Misther McPhelim, how'd ye
schlape last night?' ''Ah, bhad, Denny,
bhad! Unconscious a good dale az the
tonne"
''Will you think of me very often while
you are away, dearest John?" ''But, EN-
lily, you know that this is to be pleasure
trip?"
Mrs Smith-How do you like the new
minister? Deacon-Oh, he breaches too
loud, altogether; nobody can sleep in
such din.
Did your wife listen to your excuses
for staying out so late last night! Oh,yes
she listened to me, and then-Then what?
listened to her.
Musically speaking, the difference be-
tween girl in full evening dress and in
bathing robes is the difference between
low c and high G.
lis Tragedicus obliging toward his au-
diences?" Every. 1 saw him play Bru-
tus once, and he killed himself three times
in response to encores."
An amateur editor in Indianapolis has
made fortune by his pen. His father
died of grief after reading one editorial,
and left him 100000.
Bill-What are you doing now, Ike?
Ike-Best thing L ever had. Got bust
ness now that's all prophet. "Whatis it?''
isOh, weather predictions"
In the Park-First French Maid-Lit-
tie Harry seems very fond of you, Julie.
Second French Maid-Yes, the dear little
boy. He takes after his father.
So Jack is married, Ell? Do you think
he'll get on well with his wife? I'm quite
sure he will. They sang in the same choir
for two years without quarreling.
A little girl was to recite verse OF
Scripture in Sabbath School, but failed TO
remember it. She said: Mamma, what
is my verse? Oh, know now, Blessed
are the dressmakers.
A Scottish minister innocently annouDc-
ed from his pulpit, During the week |
shall visit all members of the congrega-
ton at the north end of the town, en-
bracing also the servant girls"
Good Gracious, Fritz, where have you
been? fell into the canal, papa. And
with your new trousers on! No, had
Just time to take them off before fell In
Graciousl that was an awful clap oil
thunder; it frightened me terribly. Pooh
thunder can't hurt you. Can't, Ell? Didn't
you ever hear of person being thunder
struck?
Young wife-But, Charles, you said be
fore we were married that my slightest
wish should be granted. Young husband
Yes Maria, but there's nothing slight
about IA $40 bonnet.
@4COme, come, don't be fool, my dear,
said the husband during domestic
breeze. Didn't marriage make you anC
me one? she asked. OF course il did
How can L help being fool then.
Why, Archie, you're not at the Jan
again, and only punished for it an hou
ago. Yes, mar; heard you tell aunti'
you thought you had whipped me too
hard, and l thought I'd even things up.
There are some fears that the cracke
trust may have a disastrous effect on clan
chowder. 1t has been the custom 70
some years to serve that dish minus tn
clans. What will it be without crackers