Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-04-21

How beautiful are the feet of her who
bringeth in good dinner.
1t ne'er should our surprise inspire
when false notes issus from the Tyre.
The man who says to his wife, 'Give
me the baby, dear, and l will try and put
it to Sleep" is greater than he that taketh
a city.
A Miss TardY of Boston has sued DR..
Early of the same city for breach of prom
Use of marriage. A tardy miss can never
expect to catch the early worm.
Miss Gabble-I have had that parrot
rot for three months now, and it has new
er spoken a word yet. Caller-Perhaps
you nave never gwen 1t a chance.
She-Indeed, it's not an easy thing for
a girl to get husband. He-Why, a
pretty girl can make her choice of four
out of every five men she meets. She
But it's the fifth that she wants.
Young Wife: "Oh, John, the rats have
eaten all my angel .cake!'' Husband
"What! All of it?'' Young Wife: ''Every
piece. 1 feel like crying" Husband; sOh,
pshaw! Don't cry over few rats! ?"
A proof of Everything.-'' 1 suppose
you are ready to substantiate any state
ment your paper makes?' said an angry
looking caller to the editor. ''Oh, yes we
have compositors prove everything that
is set up
Stranger Ito hotel clerk "What are
all those strange marks on this register?
1t looks as if fifty hens had been walking
over it," Clerk: ''Keep quiet, sir: those
are the autographs of the visiting editors.
When the editor proposed and was &C
cepted, he said,'' 1 would be glad if you
would give me kiss" She hesitated;
and he added, ''Not necessarily for pub
LEGATION, but as evidence of good faith"
A New York business firm recently re-
ceived telegram saying: ga mosquito
i'll to-day. Can't come down." 1t turned
out that an employee named Amos was
quite ill and could not put in an appear
ance.
81 suppose you can give me napkin?
the stranger haZarded, as he sat down at
the supper table of the Skowhosh Hotel.
"Why certain !" said the host, heartily. cit
kinder slipped my mind that you were
from Bostown.
Mr.. Younger (meeting Miss Winters. on
the street,: " Why, how do you do?"
Miss. Winters with cold stare) "You
have evidently made mistake, SIR" Mr..
Younger 81 beg a thousand pardous: 1
mistook you for yonr mother"
The four-year-old of the family was
eating an orange, when he nearly swal-
lowed seed. On rescuing it from his
mouth, he looked up with a pleasant smile
and said Mamma, the seed lost its bal
ance in my mouth, and almost fell down
my throat"
81 want to get a good hammock" said
the customer to the salesman. Strong
enough to hold two, SUPPOSED" suggest
ed the salesman, slyly. mo, sir" said the
customer, with some show of resentment.
''No sir; I've been married for more than
three years"
1t is reported that our Government is
about to abandon the Weather Bureau
and substitute the old Farmers Almanac
The latter predicts the weather year
ahead, and makes no more mistakes than
the Weather Bureau, besides telling us
on what day of the month 4th. of July oc-
cures and the exact number of days in
February.
Farmers, be social with your cattle
is the advice given by an agricultural
journal. We never considered the subject
before, but we see now how farmers miss
it. They could have good deal of fun
with their cattle if they would only be
more social. When they have company
in the evening they should ask their oxen
in to Join in the conversation. game of
checkers with the old brindle cow would
enliven dull evening.
II will ask you to state" said the law
yer, 'swhether you have any other child
rem than this young man on trial for steal
iug?" Your Honor" exclaimed the wit
ness, appealing to the judge, lido 1 have
to answer that question:" 1 see no reason
why you should not, answered the Judge. !
s.You may answer it. 81 have one other
child, but had hoped it would not be
necessary TO speak Of her. She turned |
out badly" faltered the witness. "She
married lawyer.