Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-21
JOKER'S BUDGET.
JEsTs AND YARNS By FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

A Refiection-There's a Reason for
Everything-cruel-Well Named,
Etc. Etc.
VIEWING THE CASE PROPERLY.
Deaf Man (to musician) No, I'll not
give you anything. I'm deaf and can't
hear your music.
Friend speaking into his trumpet
Well, give him dime out of thankful
ness because you can't hear him.
Epoch.
MARRIED MEN REALIZE THIS.
Somebody says, at is just as easy to
tell lie" Ofcourse it is, but the results
are not so Immediately pleasant.
Bonneville Journal.
AMBITION DEFINED.
"My son, define ambition.
''Well, it's always feeling that you
want TO do something that you know you
can't. "-[Life.
THE BOY AND THE WATERMELON.
A brief poem on boy and water
melon:
Morn: Rollicksome.
Noon: Frolicsome.
Night: Colicsome.
Washington Post.
THERE'S A REASON FOR EVERYTHING.
81 see the Reading Railroad Superin-
tendent has ordered the trainmen to shave
off their wkiskers.n
Spurious order. / suppose, though,
it was necessary. The wind blowing
through their whiskers probably delayed
the train"
A REFLECTION.
Mr.. Yamacraw-Miss Priscilla, you are
irst-class mirror.
Miss Priscilla Pulaski (blushing)-Lal
Mr.. Yamacraw, why2 Because / am SO
truthfull
Mr.. Yamacraw-No; because you are
such good locking lass.
Miss Priscilla-Oh, Mr.. Yamacraw
and am / then to regard you as an adj
mirror9-[Sa Savannah News.
HER HEAD WOULD KEEP HER UP.
Maiden Fair-Oh, it always makes my
head swim to 90 on the water.
Sailor Facetious-No danger of drown
ing, then, mem, if you should fall over
board. II Bazaar.
wELL-NAAfED.
81 see that button parties are being
held in some parts OF the West, re-
marked Mrs. Cumso. Il wonder why
they are so namedp
s'Because they are bound to come of, "
replied Cumso.
Mrs. Cumso Cat the breakfast table,
George, wish you would remind me
Cumso Gnterrupting) All, you begin
to realize that your mind is about gone,
do youl
THE SAD PART.
Fred-I wish my girl would hurry up
and marry me, If she is going to.
Edwin-Is she keeping you in sus-
pensel
Fred-No; expense. detroit Free
Press.
cAUsTTc.
GLOW is it possible to reach the people
who never read a newspaper
ssSome could be got at in asylums fol
the blind, probably. '-L Society.
A REMARKABLE TENANT.
"What sort of tenant is Grabber9"
ssFirst rate. He's lived in my house
for two years and has never once asked
for new foundation for it. New York
Sun.
A CHRONIC SUMMER GIRL.
eyes" said she, dreamily, ~ must
confess to having seen twenty-three sum
mers."
"And the same number of winters,
supposel'
never engaged in the winter. "-l Terrt
Haute Express.
HIS LATEST TITLE.
Wee Wife-Love you2 OF course
do. You dear, blessed old peach crop.
Big Husband glowing but luckless)-
Great Scott Why this new titles
W. W.-Because you are such per
petual failure = Yenowine's News.
NO SIGN OF 1T THERE.
''Horses, l hold. have great intelli
gence."
ssSome of them have. But there was
one horse down at the Branch thai
hadn't
'sHow did he show itl"
'sHe ran away with Miss Patter. y
| New York Herald.
SEASIDE AMENITIES.
sTll have fit, l know l shall !
shrieked a woman who was refusing t
be coaxed into the surf at Ocean Grove.
ssNot in that suit you have on" sale
another woman next to her In such