The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1890-07-17

>>>~~~ ~>A'S"AA Va ~ oAN % AoI k1tGlu uD
a bar fight 'mongst the clouds, they
wouldn't ha' had no more idee O. dom
OF 1t thin they would ha' had o. takin'
up election fer the heathens in At
ferky."
"That's wat thort, b'goshv' said the
Old Settler. AN now, then, Squire, was
any o them winds O. your'n high an
curious enough in their natur' to hev a
man arrested charged with cattle steal
imp"
Never, sir!" replied the Squire, with
the solemnity Of witness in court.
''Goodv' calculated the Old Settler.
Nov, sir! Did any O. them winds O.
your'n, ever show their height an their
cur'ousness to be setch az to change the
veenoo of case in court an save an in
nercent man from persecution?"
"Never!' answered the Squire.
''Then, Squire" said the Old Settler,
"th'has been winds and harrycanes
durn sight higher and cur'ouser thin
them O. yourn, an I'll prove it to We by
The case of an ANCESTOR O. mine who lived
in the Sugar Swamp deestric' at an 'arly
day. 'Cordin to the dockyments his name
were Hiram Wuncut. I wun't say that
the winds they had in the Sugar Swamp
deestric' in them days was higher an
cur'ouser thin any th't had ever ben
heard on afore, cause it mout be a
charge ag'n somebody, but the family
dockyments says they was, an also
says th't they was uncommon student
an contrary in their dispositions.
IF ever tn were victim O. sarcum-
stances, the dockyments says his name
were Hiram Wuncut Hiram were a
poor man, but he were ambitious. He
had clearin' th't were continually bein'
squatted on by bar th't didn't make
no bones O. walkin' off with sheep or
pig or calf, right afore Hiram Wun-
cuts eyes, an it was the ambition O.
Hiram to lay that bar low. But the
bar were too cunnin' a chap fer Hiram,
an he continnered to gether in tho liv-
in produce G Hiram's farm an keep
Hiram poor. The bar didn't seem to
bother nobody else's sheep nor calves
but Hiram's, an so, vile his neighbor
Philander Boles KID raise wool enough
to make him nice flannen shirts an his
! calves crowd up inter COWS an oxen,
Hiram had to keep on wearin' ruther
used up OIL cotton shirts th't had kim
with him wen he landed in Sugar
Swamp. an his calves couldn't stay
with him long enough to git to be cows
nor oxen.
Then winds O. the Sugar Swamp
deestric, so these family dockyments
| says, usety come up so student th't one
| minute yer corn in the garden wouldn't
be shook by ez much ez zephyr, an
the next minute yer house ID be sot
down in the mex township by streak
| O. wind. Folks in housen th't was bein'
scooted through the air in one direction
d meet housen from neighborin' dees-
tries passin' along in t'other direction,
them winds run in setch contrary
streaks. Hiram Wuncut alluz said th't
nuthin' th't none o. them winds mowt
do would ever s'prise him not one ioty.
Zone afternoon Philander Boles' wife
hung out her wash, an lef it out over
night. 'Mongst the wash were one O.
Philanders flannen shirts. Mex morn
in wen she went out to take in the
wash the flannen shirt we're gone, an
in its place on the line were a curious
lookin' cotton shirt. That were as
toundin', but wen Philander found th't
his yoke O steers were gone, long with
his wagon, tn were time on that
clearin', an no mistake.
"'One O. them tarnal winds must ha'
ben playin' hob ag'in. las night said
Philander but never know'd one of
EN- to take shirt often line and pin
another un in its place afore, an hitch
yoke O. steers to wagon an drive
'em away
"Philander walked over to Hiram
Wuncut's, witch were a miled away, an
he didn't find Hiram to hum. Somehow
or other, he went to trapsein 'roun' the
deestrict, an long in the afternoon he
foun' Hiram way over beyent Lost Crow
Barren, goin' west, in dazed sort O.
| way, an drivin' pair O. steers Phi
lander were cross an overbearin' sort
O. chap an he grabbed Hiram by the
neck an hollers:
"'Whar We goin' with my yoke O.
steers? An wat aye dom with nv
flannen shirt on?'
"Hiram looked kind O. crazy at fust,
an then he rec'onized Philander, an
kim TO hlsselt
"'Jeewhizzv he says. If it don't beat
all!
"'Sh'd say so!' says Philander.
"1t's all kim back to me now!' says
Hiram. Fore daylight this mornin'
see that pesky OIL bar takin' nv las
sheep. tore fer your place to hev We
come an help me run him down. Jis'
ez got to your cabin one o. the winds
grabbed me. 1t husseled me around in
the air over your patch fer a minute or
two, an then swished me up more'n a
quarter of . miled, an started west
with me. We hadn't gone fur fore we
met that bar. tia ben grabbed up by
acontrairy wind. an were comm along
back east. The sight O. that bar riled
me, an ez he kim by me clutched him.
Thar we war, right in the swirl O. them
two contrary winds, an every time I'd
sling the bars heels up he'd
kick cloud, an wen he'd sling me up
I'd kick ag'in cloud. Rime by 1
socked my knife clean through the bars
wizzen. an he give up. Jist then, wat
should come sailin' along on the wind
goin' west but a yoke O. steers, hitched to
= wagon. slung the bar in the wagon
az it kim up. jumped in arter It, an
away the hull on US went. Bime by the
wind begun to fall, an let us down
gradually to the arth, jist ez If we was
goin' down big long hill. The hull
business turned my head clean inside
out, an ben wanderin' about like q
crazy man. Those is your steers, sure
enough! An I'm burned il this here
hain't your flannen shirt! I've said th at
nuthin' none o these winds done d ever
s'prise me, but the doln's o. this un
clean kerhummixes me! Hullo! Th'
hain't no bar in the wagon! If some
one amt gone an stoled it, then I'll eat
my ears!"
! 'But KNOWN all about the Sugar
| Swamp winds, Philander were mean