The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1890-11-01

There il SO much about your letter that
touches me deeply that want to be frank |
and fair in my reply. l have been dane
ing all this evening, was out al olnller
before that, and have made many calls
this afternoon; but. tired rs l am, my
letter must be written, for tomorrow
will be but the repetition of today. Is 1t
that am cold and utterly heartlcss that
can sit and write SO calmly in reply to
your fervent and appealing letter!
'Ah, Steven, it is what may be said OF
me: but, if cold and Ecartless to you,
have certainly given no man at this gar
rison the faintest reason to think that he
has inspired any greater interest in him.
They arc all kind, all very attentive. |
have told you how we'll Mr.. Royce dances
| and Mr.. Merton rides and MIR. Fostci
reads and talks. They entertain NE
vastly, and do like it. Moro than this,
Steven, am pleased with their evident
admiration-not alone pleased and proud
that they should admire mo who am
pledged to you-not that alone, frankly
confess. but because it in itself is pleas
ant. 1t pleases me. Very possibly it is
because am vain.
"And yet, though my hours are con-
stantly occupied, though they are here
from morning till night, no one of them
is more attentive than another. There
are five or six who come daily. There
are some who do not come at all. Am /
wretch, Steven? There are two or
three that do not call who I wish. would
call. Iwould like to know them.
"Yet they know-they could not help
it, with Kate here, and never forget
that am your promised wife. Steven,
do you not sometimes forget the condi-
tons of that promise? Even now, again
and again, do / not repeat to You that
you ought to release me and free your
self! OF course your impulse will be to
say my heart is changing-that have
seen others whom I like better. No; /
have seen no one like as well. But is
like what you deserve, what you ask?
And is it not all have ever been able to
promise you? Steven, bear me witness,
for Kate is bitterly unjust to me at
times, told you again and again last
summer and fall that did not love you
and ought not to think of being your
wife. Yet, poor, homeless, dependent
as am, how strong was TIA temptation
to say yes to your plea!
"You know that I did not and would
not until time and again your sweet mo-
Their, whom do love, and Kate, who
had been a mother to me, both declared
that that should make no difference; the
love would come; the happiest marriages
the world over were those in which the
girl respected the man of her choice;
love would come, and come speedily,
when once she was his wife. You your
self declared you could wait in patience
you would WOO and win by and by.
Only promise to be your wife before re-
turning to the frontier and you would be
content. Steven, are.you content? You
know you are not; you know you are
unhappy; and it is all, not because am
growing to love some one else, but be-
eauSe l am not growing to love you.
Heaven knows want to love you; for
SO long as you hold me to it my promise
is sacred and shall be kept.
more than that, if you say that it is
your will that l seclude myself from
these attentions, give up dancing, give
up rideS. drives, walks, and even receiv-
ing visits, here, SO be it. will obey;
but write this to me-, Steven-not to
Kate. Lam too proud to ask her to show
me the letters l know she has received
from you-and there are some she has
not shown me-but cannot understand
mans complaining to other persons of
the conduct of the woman who is, or is
to be, his wife. Forgive me if l pain
you; sometimes even to myself seem |
Old and strange. | have lived SO much |
alone. have had to think and do for N.Y.
self 80 many years while Kate has been
away, that perhaps I'm not like other
girls but the respect l feel for YOU
would be injured if thought you strove
to guido or govern me through others;
and of one thing be sure, Steven, Unjust !
honor and respect and look I'D to the man |
marry, love or no love.
'OAce you said it would kill YOU if |
you believed l could he false to YOU. If |
oE that you meant that, having given |
~ promise to you TO be your wife at |
saa future time, must school myself |
p, love you, and will be considered false |
II love do not come at my bidding; or
YOURS | say to you solelnnly, release me !
now. l may not love, but cannot and |
wllEnot deceive you, even by stimulating
love that does not exist. Suppose that
love were to be kindled in my heart.
Suppose were to learn to care for some !
ono here. You would be the first one TO
know it; for would tell you as socn as
l Knew it myself. Then what could | |
hope for-or you? Surely you would not
want to marry girl who loved another