The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1890-06-22
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Few Trcnchant Remarks Clipped BY
81 The Detroit Free Press.

Few Trcnchant Remarks Clipped by
81 Tho Detroit Free Press.
3 1T DIDN'T FAn..-Last Saturday the
Granite Hill Savings bank, of this town,
failed to open its doors, and notice was
posted up to the effect that it would open
in about a week and pay at least fifty
cents on the dollar The boys got to-
gether about 10 o'clock, and Mr.. Duggan,
the president, was invited to explain
matters. He said he hadn't time Just
then, but after a rope had been passed
over his neck he explained that the fail
ure had been caused by overconfidence
in silver mine investments. The boys
doubted this, and Mr.. Duggan was taken
to the bank and compelled to show his
books and his cash. After figuring for
about two hours committee found that
there was money enough to pay every
depositor $1.47 on the dollar, and it was
accordingly passed out and the bank
wound up in shipshape fashion. It was
no failure, but simply going out of bust
ness. Mr.. Duggan had calculated on a
little scoop, but the boys got ahead of
him. He left town ON foot, carrying a
spare paper collar in his hind pocket,
and he will probably look for some hay
seed town in which to begin life anew.
We have failure here in trade now and
then, but we permit no bank to fail IN.
less all depositors are first paid in full.
For OTHER FIELDs.-Ex-Judg Jim
Harrison, who has been familiar figure
on our streets for the last year, and who
was supposed to be a retired flour mer-
chant from Minnesota, out here to cure
his asthma, is with us no more. He de-
parted yesterday in charge of a detective,
and will bring up at Joliet as the end of
his journey.
Judge Jim objected to the course of
The Kicker. He didn't like us one bit,
and when he saw US walking to the
front he felt it personal hit at himself.
He threw out his hints that we were
| trying to run the town, but that he
would make us chew cactus before he
was done with us. One day two weeks
ago he tried to force us into q personal
quarrel, and we learned afterward that
he had a Derringer in his pants pocket
and snapped at US, but it failed to go off.
Believing that we could run the town
better than the judge we began hunting
up his pedigree, and in the course of a
week discovered that he was an. escaped
gentleman" from state prison. He went
away saying that he owed us one, but as
he has seven years yet to serve we shan't
begin to worry for some time yet.
STILL HARPING.-Our jealous minded
contemporary is still giving himselfaway
in every issue of his poor old senile sheet,
and such subscribers as he has take il
for the sole object of seeing what he says
about us. The hair that broke the cam
els back was our private graveyard
| When we went to an expense of $50 tc
remove the seven bodies to nice little
plat of ground, and to identify each
| grave with nice headboard, his gall
bursted. He had no private graveyard
He went out to shoot somebody, but wa:
knocked into the sand and his gun con
fiscated. He hasn't the nerve to ever
throw mud at an Indian.
Poor old man! Poor old contemporary
Your sun went down kerchunk whe1
The Kicker was established, and yor
have been crawling in the moonlight
ever since. Blow away if it does you
soul good. 1t doesn't hurt US any, ani
but for this escape valve you might take
rat poison or roll into the river. -Detroi
] Free Press.