The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-12-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

ALWAYS ahead-The Uranium.
Brick are sometimes thrown with in
tent to kiln Washington Star.
"Papa. what made Latin dead Ian
guage7" at was talked to death, my
son. ."-Lye.
'Is Budd an anglomaniacW mo-
he's just plain, ordinary American
lunatic "-Ne0 York. Herald.
Since the invention of forks there seems
to be very little excuse for "hand to
mouth" existence. Naasey's Weekly.
One half of the world don't know
how the other half lives; but it is try
ing to find out just the same.-PucS'
When a girl is in love she always
thinks the young man is perfect, and he
agrees with her.-SOmeroAe Journal.
1t is a peculiar fact that "the more
man gets the more he wants" and the
more he wants the less he gets.-Epoch.
"The winter" saith the goose,
With sadness in her tone,
''Will be both long and cold;
feel it in my bone"
Chicago Tribune.
The scientist who claims that the wind
cannot be seen evidently has had little or
no experience with sight t-drafts.- .--EtrnirG
Gazette.
A cross old bachelor of our acquaint-
ance defines marriage as the medicine
which restores sight to lovers eyes,
Boston IrdUeler.
Diner-"Do you know, sir, that this
bird is out of season2" Waiter-"Well,
fix it for yourself. There's the pepper
and salt. "-Judge.
Tramps are good deal like lawyers.
After they are admitted to the Bar you
often find them slumbering peacefully on
the Bench.-Puck.
Dcaler-"Here is a new cologne of my
own make call it the Dollar Per-
fume,' because it is composed of hun
dred scents. ."-Aunsey's Weekly.
Shattuok-"How are your bantams
growing, DinwiddieW Dinwiddie--
"Finely, finely! They are getting
smaller every day. Inter Ocean.
Limitation is the sincerest Aattery"
saws a shrewd observer of men; but the
Treasury Department doesn't seemto care
for such compliments. s.-AanseyS WeeSfy'
Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand
Make the milkman wealthy
And the grocer grand
-Nei0 York sun.
La Fiancee-"Don't you think a
Young married couple could be happy
| on $1,000 a yearl" lie Fiance-"Ies,
for six months, if it were paid in ad-
vance. ."-LDe.
"Bunker Hill Monument Pants is
the heading of an advertisement, We
never saw the Burker Hill Monument
pant, but the people that climb to the top
of 1t generally do.--Ledger.
"In the scheme of creation, said the
I religious crank, "woman was an after
thought" "Yeth," remarked the lisp
ing imbecile, ''and tshe's been thought
after ever thinth. - BinghamtOH Leader.
You'll seldom find maiden whom
The angels kissed at birth
But that the dimples TO her cheo6
She makes 20 play at hide and seek
For every cent they're worth.
Chicago Post.
"Oh, no; there amt any favorites in
this family!" soliloquized johnny; "Oh,
no; guess not If bite my fnger-nMls
/ catch it over the l1nuckles. But the
baby can eat his whole foot aud they think
| it's lust cunning. "-DeHUer RepublioaR.
Where are you going, my pretty maid?'
'l'm going to sneeze, kind sir, she said.
! s'And at whom will you sneeze, my pretty
maidY
"Atchoo! atchoo kind sir,n she said,
-Binghamt0n Leader.
Druggist docking through drummer's
sample case)-"Well, l always knew you
worked the romance racket pretty thor
oughly, but l didn't know you had to
carry box of concentrated lie to keep
up the supply of yarns. "-PharmaeeutieaI
Era.
II has been SAID
That only opposites should we'd
If that be so
Thy future can only be woe;
For, such thy fate,
The worst Of men must be thy mate.
judge.
Hardbake-'And you say you started
out this morning with Green for ten
mile walk2" Snarleigh-"T That's what
| said" Hardbake-''W 'Werou't you tired
by the time you came back" Snarleigh
ooh, no; Green only accompanied me
part Of the way. '-RrooklUt Life.
SCOT anything youl want sharpened,
gentsl" inquired the aged peddler with
the razor paste Eyes, replied the
smart youth at tina desl near the door.
.,You can sharpen our ygits ii you want
TO. old man" "Got TO have something
to work on, gents" the sold man SAID,
as he looked around the room, shook his
head pityingly and walked away Cha-
cage Tribune.