The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1890-10-19
THE NEW UTOPIA.
wRt77fn FOR THE SUNDAY CALL BY JEROME JEROME

tight round the neck. and fastened round
the waist by a belt. Each man was clean
shaven and each man had black hair.
1 said, Are all these men twins
Twins! Good gracious, no, answered
my guide. Whatever made you fancy
that?"
s.Why. they all look so much alike" l
replicd; land they've all got black hair"
''Oh, that's the regulation color for hair,
explained my companion; we've all got
back hair. If mans hair is not black
naturally, he has to have it dyed black"
''Whv?" / asked.
"Whyw ret0rted the old gentleman. some
what irritahIy. "Why, | thought you under
stood that all men were now equal What
would become of our equality if one man or
woman was allowed TO swagger about in
golden hair, while another had to put up
with carrots? Men have not only got to be
equal in these happy days, hut TO look it as
far rs can be. By causing all men to be
clean shaver and all women to have black
hair, cut the same length, we Obviate to a
certain extent the errors OF nature"
] said. why biack?'
He said he did not know, but that that was
the color which had been decided upon.
"Who by?" | asked.
by the majority" he replied. raising his
hat aud lowering his eyes, as if in prayer.
Wewalked further, ana passed more men.
l said, Are there no women IN this city,"
"WOmenY exclaimed my guide. 'Of
course there are. We've passed hundreds Of
them"
81 thought 1 knew woman when l saw
one" | observed; "but L can't remember
noticing any
why, there 60 two now," he said, draw
ing my attention to a couple OF persons near
TO US, both dressed in the regulation gray
trousers and tunic.
How DO you know they are wOmen?" l
asked him.
"Whv, you see the metal numbers that
everybody wears on their collar ,"
" Is, was Just thinking what number
of policemen you had and wondering where
the other PEOPLE were
Nv ell. the even numbers are women, the
odd numbers are the men,
''How very simple" | remarked. 81 sup
pose after little practice you can tell one
sex FROM the other almost ut a glance %'
'Oh, yes. he replied; IF you want to, !"
We walked on i'll silence for awhile. and
then l said. why does everybody have a
"To distinguish him by" answered my
companion.
Don't people have names, then?"
No"
"WEy?"
"0h, there was so much inequality in
names. Some people were called Muntmor-
ency, and they To- ked down on the Smiths {;
aud the Smytnes did not ike mixing with
the JOneSes; SO. to save further bother, it
was decided to abolish names altogether, and
TO give everybody q number"
Did net the MOntmOrencieS and the
SmytheS Object"
Yes, but the Smiths and Joneses were
in the majority"
And did not the ones and twos look
down upon the threes and tours, and so on ?''
"At frs, yes. But, with the abolition of
wealth. numbers lost their value, except for
industrial purposes, and now No. 100 does
not consider himself in any way superior to
No. 1,OU0,000"
l had not washed WREN l got UP, there be-
ing no convenience for 50 doing in the
Museum, and l was beginning tn feel sOEie-
what hot and dirty. | said, Can | wash
! myself anywhere?"
He said, No; We are not allowed to wash
ourselves. You must wait until 80 clock,
| and then you will be washed for tea"
BE waShed!' L cried WHO by?"
1.-The State"
He said that they had found they could
not maintain their equality when people
| were allowed to wash themselves. Some
| people washed three or four times a day,
| while Others never touched soap and water
from one years end to the other, and in
consequence there got to be two distinct
classes, the clean and the dirty. All the cd
class prrJudlceS began TO be revived. The
clean desPiSed the dirty, and the dirty hated
the clean. So to end dissenSi0n The State
decided TO do the washing itself, and each
citizen was now washed twice day by
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS officials, and private
washing was prohibited.
| noticed that We passed no houses as we
Went along, only block after block of huge
barTack-liEe buildings, all of the same size
and shape. Occasionally, at corner, we
came across a smaller building, labeled
Museum - Hospital" -" Debating Hall, -
Bait" Gymnasium" Academy of
Sciences" Exhibition of Industries, -
'SchOoi of Talk" etc. ETC.; but never a
house.
1 said, doesn't anybody live in this
town?'
He said, "You do ask silly questions,