Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-07-03
AT THE DENTISTS.

Use-Unsatisfactory Payments-
Etc, Etc.
AT THE DENTISTS.
s'Is the tooth unsound, Doctorw
''No. You have the largest mouth
in the world. 1t contains a whole
acher.n
KNEW IT WAS NO USE.
He-Keep quiet minute, and Pll
catch that obnoxious fly.
She-Oh, don't try to, please. saw
you playing ball yesterday.
UNsAT1sFAcToRY PAYMENT.
"What makes you think that delin-
quent debtor will never settle with
you2"
because he persists in paying me.
nothing but compliments. "-[New York
Journal.
BELATED CONGRATULATIONS.
Returned Tourist-And so, during my
long stay abroad, Miss Pinkie got mar
ried-siX months ago, too. must call
to offer my congratulations. What is
her name now?
Hostess-Mrs. Blinks. She lives right
next door.
Enter Servant Please, mum, Mrs.
Blinks wants to know the address of
some good locksmith.
Hostess-With pleasure. What is the
matter9
Servant-When Mr.. Blinks left the
house this morning he slammed the door
so hard it broke the LATCH New York
Weekly.
THE LATEST HoLD-UP.
The two men who had been sitting to-
| gether in the seat near the door of the
car became engaged in an animated con-
troversy, and their loud voices attracted
the attention Of all the other passengers.
Suddenly one of them rose up and said:
''Ladies and gentlemen, | appeal to
you to decide a disputed point. My
friend here insists that not more than
three persons out of five believe they
have souls. take more cheerful view
of humanity. Will all of you who be-
lieve you have souls raise your right
hands?"
Every right hand in the car went up.
''Thank you," he said, with smile.
"Keep them up just moment. Now,
will all of you who believe in hereafter
please raise your left hand also2"
Every left hand in the car went up.
Thank you again." he said. "Now,
while all of you have your hands raised" !"
he continued" drawing pair of revol-
vers and levelling them, ''my friend here
will go down the aisle and relieve you of
whatever valuables you may happen to
have. Lively now, Jim."- Chicago
Tribune.
/ AS USUAL.
'T offered Chollie penny for his
thoughts"
"Did you get them?"
'tNo. He was out of thoughts
usual"
DELIGHTFULLY."- COOL.
tTd hate to be slave and have to toi
in this hot weather. I"
Iwouldn't mind being a surf in sum
mer."
FINALLY CAUGHT ON.
New Salesman-What arc you al
laughing at9 don't see anything funny
in that story.
| Old Salesman in whisper) It's ole
| Spotcash, the proprietor, that's telling it
New Salesman Qoudly)-Hal hal ha
-[Chicago Tribune.
MISS PRoPRIETY.
''Do you ever, in your lonely hours
find yourself addressing the moons"
mo, indeed, said the Boston girl
81 have never been introduced to tn,
moon; only know it by sight. y Bazaar
IT WAS FAST.
Indignant Shopper thought yo1
warranted this black to be fast color.
Il Salesman (nonchalantlY)-Yes; dom
it run all right II Yenowines News.
CAREFULLY TRAINED.
Miss Antique (taking politely Offered
seat in crowded street-caT Thank you
, my little man. You have been taught tt
be polite, am glad to see. Does you
mother tell you to always give up you
seat to ladiesa
Polite Boy-No'm, not all ladies, onl,
old ladies. New York Weekly.
THE LOVERS.
II He .(reading) Chicken, roast beef
roast lamb, turkey, beefsteak and onion
She Gnterrupting)-I know what
!. would like, that is, if you ate some, toe
. He Ordering without hesitancy) :
l Beefsteak and onions for twol
: She (rapturously)-- Oh, Georgel
POOR FISHING.
First Boy-Did you catch anythingG
Second Boy-Not until got home.
San Francisco Wasp.
/, AMBIGUOUS.
"What did she do when you sent he
Q those flowers, with your lovel"
Returned my love-"
Z IN THE HANDS OF AN ARTIST.
II Obdurate Parent (wrathfully) II kno,
: what these painter fellows are. Why
s that young Palette would run throug
your money in years time.
t His Daughter Yes, papa but he woul
spend it with such exquisite taste.
/, prAeor A mr. m Eypr AN ATraN