The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-04-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

Mrs. McCOrkle - HOW rG13l0uSly
solemn these owls look!" McCorkle-
Yes; they are birds of prey. ."-N'sn-
Sey's Weekly.
Johnny Peck-''Pa, what is meant
by the ruling passion'P" Mr.. N. Peck
-"Ask your mother, my son, she
knows all about it. Time.
She Gin evening toilet)-'I wasn't
coming tonight, for hadn't anything
to wear He-"And YOU seem to
lave worn it. Washington Star.
German Shoeblacl1 (who can't get
his cigar stump to burn) by Jimi-
nyl Now they are making smokeless
cigars, supposey' -F7iegende Blat-
ter.
Il see your friend. Miss Edmunds,
has been getting married; did she do
well?" mo, miserably; her presents
were of a very inferior quality. =
Time.
The city clergyman who can preach
the most scathing sermon against the
corruptions of municipal government
never goes to the polls to vote.-Ieras
iSylings.
Miss Blue-''H Have you read Whit
tiers latest. The Captains Well?"'
OOLuSS- N-llO-dIl-N Hat W do IIlC
matter with the Captain?'-iSt. Paul
Pjoneer-PresS.
Where is there greater satire upon
man than in game of chess, where
the queen has to do all the work and
the king is the one to be protected?-
1eras Sytiags.
How strict these reformers are, "
exclaimed Mrs. Verde. Il see that
they are invading the army now, and
insisting that even the powder shall
not smoke. Thine.
Briggs II tell you, it makes me
feel sad to meet a young man on the
road to ruin" Braggs-.I didn't sup
pose such thing could be possible."-
1erre Hdute Express.
Lady (horses running away)-"Dear,
dear. dear, what will become of me?"
New Coachmen (grimly-'' Madam, it
depends on your past life. I'm all
right" IN Y Ledger.
81 hear your coachman ran off with
$500 of your money. Are you going
to try to recover it?" No the poor
fellow will need it; my daughter Went
with him. IN. 7. San.
Jim-'T'm just like the Father of his
Country-I can't tell lie.' Jam-''I
can some lies. | can always tell |
yours mile off. For instance, this |
last one. ."-Detrot Journal.
-''They raise some wonderfully |
big beets out in California, I'm told" |
Crimsonbeak = Yes; but they don't |
get into the banks like they do in New !
York. - Yo1sters Statesman.
The tricky man is almost always
sure to be found OUT said Smithers
to Blthers. That's Il fact, especially |
if you are calling to collect money that !
he owes you. y Washington Post.
A young woman began song Ten !
Thousand Leaves Are Falling" She |
pitched it too high, screeched, and |
stopped. Start her at 5,O00,'' cried |
an auctioneer. ."-Ryitish american.
p. L. Barnum claims to own.
among other musical curiosities, the
biggest Tyre ever made We trust this
is no reflection on his gentlemanIy ad-
vertising agent. YORkerS Statesman.
What is society?n ''It is place
where people who were poor twenty
five years ago tell of the plebeian
origin of their 'nei@hbors ana con-
ceal their own humble beginnings. -
Boston Gazette.
Mrs. Bloodgood- What! not an open
fireplace nor stove in the houseq
How does your father warm his Slip
pers, Willie?" Willie (ruefully) :
Warns ,em on me, ma 'am.-Buriing-
ton Free Press.
Fogg-'I went to hear Gusherleigh
preach last Sunday Brown-.Why, |
/ thought you hated to hear him5''
Fogg so l do; but it was his fare
well sermon. l went out of pure graf
itude, p Boston Transcript.
''Salvation's free" sang the choir.
tpm glad of that" said poorly
dressed old gentleman who had lust |
dropped in; ''but you Jest wait till |
some O them English syndicaters get |
hold ont .''-BOston Transcript.
Miss Playne-'J wonder if 1 could
recover any damages if l were to sue
him for breach of promise?" Miss
tlyppe-''you might possibly, if You
should wear a heavy veil all through |
the trial. y Ierre Haattc Express.
First Manager-'.rm going to bring
out something new in the Shakspear-
can line: It's going to take, too"
Second Manager -''What is it?'' FIRST
Manager Hamlet with two Ham
lets and two graves of real dirt. ~
7. Sun.
Young Would-Be Contributors How
long is it before MSS. that are de-
clined are returned?" Editorial Friend
The rule varies; but in your case
the return ought to be sufficiently
prompt to answer all requirements. -
Boston Budget
yes observed Fogg, ''the death
rate has been unusually large this Win
ter that's a fact; but then. the wealth
er's been SO beastly that the people
who die ought to be resigned. They
can't get into worse climate. Dos
ton Transcript.
Il declaiah,' said Gus de Jay in
disconsolate tone, Il had an idea just
now, and it has completely left my
bwain, you know" MAYBE not"
said his friend. Possibly it got to
roaming around your head and lost
itself. y Washington Post
THE sphere of woman is certainly
extending" said Mrs. Washington TO
her husband. Every once in a while
some woman goes into the lecture
field Yes" said her husband
wearily. ''every married man knows
that. = Washington Post.
Bobby (while the minister is waiting
for Bobby's father to come down)-'I
knowth about diamonds" Minister
Extraordinarily = ''Indeed! Tell me
something about them" Bobby (rap-
ldly)-''Athes. deuthes, pairth, and
Jackpots. .'-Jcace5crs' E!e7t1y,
Fair Customer this Western
beef?" Eastern Butcher (proudly)-
mo, madam; we don't deal in ill-man-
nered steers from the rowdy West.
This beef. madam, is from a highly
cultivated and very refined COW, for
me1sy of Boston. IN y. Weekly.
'.And now, my good man, what are
you going to do with it?n asked the
stingy rich man of the be@gar to whom
he had given a two-cent piece. That's
what troubles me. 1t is so hard TO make
a wise decision; and 1 have always
been unaccustomed to wealth. n-So1s-
c9EiIle Journal