Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1890-05-01
AN EDITOR PARALxzED.

An EDITOR PARALYzED.
New c.psa a.As . s.essssful Attack ON
| LIZ. Clugston's Heart
Mr.. Mortimer Cugston. editor and
proprietor Of the Doodleville Yelper,
raised his head . moment to glance at
the intruder, and then, with the look OF
intense preoccupation that may be OBJ
| served on the face of . man engaged in
giving his whole mind to the produc-
ton Of an Intellectual masterpiece, he
resumed his work.
Mr.. C1ugston was writing an appeal
to his paper house. He was asking for
| little more time on his last monthly
bill of S10.6S In eloquent, touching
and well-rounded periods he told them
Of the rsvages of the grip in the vicini-
| ty of Doodleville, the dull times in the
dry-goo6s stores, and consequent falling
of in advertising and job work. He
spoke of the amounts outstanding on
subscriptions that were perfectly good
| and would be paid in time, and prom
ised 10 remit the sass at the earliest
possible moment In closing he wished
to express his appreciation of the ac-
oommodsting spirit they had always ex-
1
opportunity to order reams of 5-pound
note heads, 500 S-ply bristol cards, size
4s, 500 Xxx light buff envelopes, No. 6.
and 1 pound Of Van Blubber's roller
composition
81 beg your pardon, ma'am," he said
to the visitor, '.for keeping you waiting,
bit I was at work on something could
not lay aside"
The caller, q tall young woman OF
severely literary aspect, begged he
wouldn't mention it-she was familiar
| with the strain Of mental labor and its
exactness.
''Many a time" she remarked, shave
| been SO intensely occupied in the pro-
duction Of poem that even a summons
to dinner has gon" unheaded."
Mr.. C1ugston looked at her with un-
disguised astonishment This was a
height of literary absorption to which
he had never yet attained.
'sMy object in calling, Mr.. Clugston."
she continued, sis to ask for the inser-
ton of these lines in the next weeks
Yelper. There are, as you will see.
nineteen stanzas- The subject is Spring
Blossoms and"
"H'mr' observed the editor, glancing
At it hastily. sMiss-ah-"
/
"I have no doubt, Miss Gumwell, that
this poem is one Of great merit I am
not in the habit, however, of accepting
making any-aw-pecuniary return for
them"
Certainly not. Mr.. Clugston," " hastily
replied the fair visitor ''On the con-
trary, I am prepared to pay regular
rates for the insertion of this produe-
ton"
ITO pay regular rates!' gasped the
editor.
'tOf course. / am no stranger, Mr..
Clugston. either to the high literary
merit Of your paper or its value IS an
advertising medium. In my home in
the neigh boring town of PunkiDville
have been accustomed for years TO read
it eagerly, and feel as If were already
well acquainted with you. have come
to Doodleville to embark in business,
and this poem, which begins with al
lusion to flowers, foliage and the glorious
promise OF spring-time, winds up with
explicit directions to have your bonnets
and hats trimmed at Miss Gumwell's
millinery emporium, two blocks south
of the Yelper Office"
Miss Gumwell took out handsome
and well-illed portemonnaie.
Transient advertising,'' she said,
"accooding to your schedule of rates, Is
Is cents per line There are 76 lines in
this poem. At Is cents line it would
come TO $1L.40. Here is the money
And she handed to the astonished
chief of the Doodleville Yelper a $50
bill and waited calmly for the change.
"Miss Gumwell," exclaimed Mr.. Clug-
4 - g..
ment, 81 am a man of sudden impulses.
You say you feel as if you were already
well acquainted with me. In this short
interview I feel as If I had gained
deeper insight into your-your nature
than years of ordinary acquaintance
could have given"
Editor C1ugston loosened his collar,
cleared his throat and continued:
I'm matters where the inner feelings,
the-the hearts holiest emotions are
concerned, Miss Gumwell, sordid consiS-
erations have no place. The soul rises
above them"
He handed back the $50 bill majestic
ally, placed his hand on his heart and
in deep, melodramatic voice he asked
the question:
Miss Gumwell. will you marry me?''
Chicago Tribune.
The BIN Was Doubled.
DR.. McLane. of the College of Physi-
clans and Surgeons. carries beneath his
professional dignity an inexhaustible
store of wit, humor. and anecdote- In
.parlor, one evening recently, the
conversation CHANGED to fall upon Dr.
willard Parker. and he told the follow
ing story: "When DR.. Parker was just
beginning his famous career he was
sent for by q rich but avaricious man
who had dislocated his jaw. The young
surgeon promptly set the member in
place.
What is your bill, doctor?' asked
the patient
Fifty dollars. sir"
Great heayensr And the map
opened his mouth so wide as to dislo-
cate his jaw q second time. DR.. Parker
again put things to rights
What did you say your bill WASP
again asked the patient
Il said it was $50; now 1t is s100.'
L Id r,,,< -