, 1890-08-10

this summer the farmer says TO his wife,
as he inserts another little titbit OF mush
and molasses among his whiskers THE
overzealous and i'll guided ass is some
times as dangerous to mankind as the
level headed rogue"
Tho Society for the Prevention OF
Cruelty to Animals arrested a widow
woman on the highway for tying to
gether the hind limbs of female hog,
or swinette. which was being transported
from n point TO another. Those
who have handled hogs know that 1t is
absolutely necessary to tic their legs il
they are conveyed by wagon, or they will
jump out. The society removed the cords.
whereupon the hogine leapt out OF the
wagon and broke her leg. Prevention
people not only sometimes do not fire.
quently know how to handle hogs, but
also they do not know how to prevent
cruelty. l could name some more of the
instances reported. but these will suffice
to show you that the society is fourishing,
several of the agents doing a very thrifty
business who have always failed at every
thing else in life.
The following note comes from a Tro-
jan who has suffered otherwise:
Troy. July 10, 1890.
MIR. BILL NYE: Kindly give us your
experiences at and opinion OF a clam bake,
one of the most ridiculous institutions Of
the United States. Very respectfully.
ONE WHO WAS THOROUGHLY Dis
GUsTED AT ONE OF THEN. ,
Clam bakes ar. vt ~ always unsuccess-
Iul. Even if they are unsuccessful from
your own point of view they might mott
be from the standpoint OF the man who
a them. | was one of a small
party OF plain American citizens who
bought cut a clam kiln and co..rc works
last season at Long Branch. I had been
accustomed to life amopS the lowly in
years past. having been born of poor but
extremely brainy parents. | had also
lived in the Wild and woolly West, where
clans and other specimens of insect life
are regarded with distrust. There you
can buy, or could at the time l lived
there, a hind of elk for 81. so, hang
it in YOU wood shed and feed q good
sized family on it for a week. So | said
to a friend or two: Here is a natural
product of the soil, the cheapest and
commonest of Gods impervious fauna,
the low browed and weak minded clam.
We will get some one to bake some for
us, then we will cat a watermelon and
play that we are amenable to no law. bnt
that we are free and unfettered, and as
careless of human life as a steam heating
company or a young physician" We or
dered no wine, but just clans and water
melons.
Another party from New York also
ordered a clam bake at the same time, so
that the same kiln dried all the clans. In
baking clans you heat a lot of stones in q
hot fire, throw them in a hole along with
your CLAIMS. green corn, ground feed, etc,
etc. You then cover up the mass, and 20
away fishing or pitching horse shoes till
you smell something. That is the CLAIMS.
You her q borrow a six-tlne pitchfork,
such as is used by our best livery stable
people, and fork out your clans and green
themselves. After the clans are served
you load a large shotgun with hot fence
nails and collect the bill.
| ate the left lobe of three under one
Waterbury clans. an ear of hot seed
corr and a slice of soured aud pessimlstic
watermelon. My bill was $23-that is
exclusive of nurses and medical attend
ance.
| do not care for clans anyway. l
cannot come up with a clam. | some
times feel that l would like to, but l can
not. Neither can my boots.
l was quite i'll after | ate these clans,
having thrown away the most digestIble
part, Viz, the shell, and foolishly eaten
the clam. On the steamer coming home
many people who had been greatly disap-
pointed all day In the matter of enjoy
ment came up on deck. watched my gyrs-
tions a few moments, and went home
peaceful and contented. At the wharf,
some of those who had been down to
Manhattan Beach to zee Pains Siege OF
Vera Cruz" and were bitterly disap.
pointed, came to where | was gnawing an
old anchor and moaning with an inward
pain, and after seeing me suffering went
home stating that they had more than got
their money back.
The New England clam bake costs less
money, but is almost equally fatal TO me.
If you hear OF my eating another clam
bake you can safely say &c yourself that
when | did it | was under the influence Of
liquor. Some siren with bleached haiI
and merry oglIng eye may meet me on
toe beach and drug me, and feed me
clam while singing to me some sweet, sad