Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1890-12-10
ALL SORTS.
How the Funny Men Earn Their
Money.
TaE DUDE.

rhE DUDE.
He man Of many charms,
The largest i Z lOckeI;
Huge checks he has upon his clothes
But rare In his pocket.
His collar often rises biyh,
Though mild his Iii di-positiou;
lie screws glass into bis eve
Although he's no magician.
Uls voice Is low, his scart-piu loud,
His cane his greatest passion;
AL tailor-made is he, aud yet
a man-atIer fashion.
Say, Pop, what is meant by .deca
sea fruit'?"
Il don't know, my boy, unless Il Is
ocean currents"
Grocer-What kind Of tea did you
ask for, madam!
Customer-Five o'clock tea, please.
bear that's the most stylish, now.
Never strike 9 man below the
oe.s is my roort~,"
"Iou don't live up to It You
struck ae in tbs pocket the other
day"
Nine. Patti's pi:ture on The maga-
zine covers, in the attitude Of singing
me praises OF soap, leaves no doubt
that she is indeed the great and only
"soaFrano."
They were discussing Bilkius, the
dead beat, when Groggs said:
THAT fellow Is always hard up, and
though he lives TO be hundred years
old his will be short career"
"There is one thing I don't under
stand about c. ab."
"? ?"
''Why, whenever a crab wants to
see anything he puts his eye out"
Edith wonder why Lent lasts SO
long!
AIaud-Why, how can YOU say that!
Pm sure forty days is Little enough
time to study up an Easter costume.
"AIiss Browning used to be very
cool towards you"
"Yes; but took her skating and it,
all right"
II suppose you took a tumble and
broke the ice.
Husband Cat I,3o A. NJ Don't
say a word. 1 know it's awful late,
but I had hard tug Of it.
Wife-Yes, you look as If you had
hard tug. How many schooners did
you tow in tonight?
Little Benny-Mamma, please lat me
bod the baby for q minute.
Mother-I am afraid, Benny, you
might let her fall
Little Benny-WeIl, If she does fall
she can't fall very far.
GLOW did the colonists manage to
exist the first winter aft their arrival?
asked the teacher OF the class IN
American history.
"The Indians took hair of them"
replied Freddy Fangle.
"There Is something SO poetic about
fair girl to her escort as the procession
swept up be aisle.
eyes, the license" replied the mat
ter-of-fact young man.
First Poet-Havs you done well thi.
Winter?
Second Poet-very well.
F. P.-So have /; but I'm afraid
5. P.-Afraid of what?
F. P.-Tha the Winters work win
be followed by g Spring idyl.
"a New York woman walked all
over that city the other uiglt in her
'leep and never encountered the police.
What do you suppose the cause was:"
"Tbe cause was that the policemen
we're not walking in hair sleep"
"Nfr. varrell, 1 think your imper.
onarion Of the villain on the life raft
4 mid ocean the most realistic thing
gu do"
"Tnank you, madame. Tbs tear1
nd seasickness are real, I can assure
Eou."
Western Merchant-Your expenses
we're very high on your last trip, AIr,
dsndall.
His DTummer-Ye., sir; blamed
high. got showed in with a poker
game at Pixies Peak and had to stay
Teek.
Lawyer-Did you ever notice any
signs of insanity IN the defendant
Witness-Only on one occasion
a passenger picked up a dollar
in horse-car one day and he was the
only man on board who said be hadn't
lost it.
al passed, dad" shouted Montana
school-boy, rushing into his fathers
arms.
"Passed, did you, you young scoun.
drel. WHY didn't you raise 'em stack
of blues and keep up the honor OF tie
family"
Tommy (studying his lesson)-I say,
pc, where does the Oshko b rise, and
into what does It emptyg
Pal don't know, my son.
Tommy-You don't know, eh? And
tomorrow the teacher will lick me on
account Of your ignorance.
swipsey, the bootblack TO Park
Row sp rD-D'ye want q safe tip9
spor:-Yes, don care IL l do.
Wickars-An artist friend Of min.
once painted a banana peel OH the
sidewalk so natu ally that the first
/ man who came along slipped and fell
down on it.
Vickars-It couldn't have been very
natural, If the first man that came
along tumbled TO it.
Jones Is good salesman, but tri-
fe careless about his dress. Moreover.
he despises traps" on the road.
81 can't see," said Walker, "whers
Jones carries all his samples, Gun
you"
/ Maybe In the bags Of his pants, +"
Z suggested Howlinsweu.
Teacher-Johnny, how many Presi.
dents has the country hadl
Johnny kno no,viiall-.w welve.
! VI L.. - L..