Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-01-10
WIS., AND UNWI91.

JoHE-E1vira, do you love me. .or
1t my money Elyira-Jobn, los
you both.
WHEN q dude IS near sighted ana
hRlf-witted he gets on very well Wit,
half an eye glass.
TIE unmarried females of the conn
try VIII be much interested IN the WORK
Of the Patrons of Husbandry.
TIE ~Forty-niners1 of California
were Pan-Americans, though some
pan'd out better than others.
LENA from New York Ci5y)-And
you are going to marry, Ella2 Ella
Yes. 1 thought [ would for a while.
"MUCMAGE trust been formed. said
Jags to Gags. Somebody's going to
get stuck, was the prediction that
followed
/ THERE is a rumor that the senior
class at Harvard University is deterio-
rating, and the election Of a negro as
class orator seems to give color to 1t.
FRIEND-Is Jennie's husband a good
prOvider? MOther-in-law- Immenset
They've been married only about Eve
years and they have a whole hOusefuI
Of children.
"WHY, said the husband, edo you
wear the hair OF another woman on your
head?" Why" retorted his better
half. do you wear the skin of another
calf on your hands %
Mrs. WATTS - Mothers birthday
comes next week, and I want to make
her a present. What would you sug-
gest? Mr.. Watts-Lf I had my way
I'd give her a nice, heavy tombstone.
DIeGNs-Do you see that portIy
man over there by the door? Virgins
Yes; hne-LoOking man. Diggins-He
takes life easily. Virgins as
if he did. Diggins-He does; he's q
doctor.
GENIAL host-Pathrick, me bhoy,
you've had quite enough to drink
Take me advice; when We get to the
top of the, street yell see two cabs;
take the first, because, begOrra, there's
only one.
MISTRESS It's singular we didn't
catch any mice last night. Did you
set the trap, Bridget? Bridget did,
mum. set it fOrninst the cheese, and
thin covered it over wild an old hat so
that the mice couldn't see it.
AGENT-AIr. Moneymuch, can I sell
you a phonOgraph, the greatest inven-
ton of the age? The machine viii guar
antee to talk 200 words per minute,
and Mr.. Moneymuch- you,
sir, but I don't need it. The sewing
circle meets twice per week at our
house.
A NICE plaything for children:
Mrs. BandbOx-YOu said the train
I should take leaves at 1890, didn't
you? Ticket Agent-Yes, madam and
1 think I've told you that about ten
times already. eyes, I know you have,
but my little boy says he likes to hear
you talk"
FOND father-Harry, you have been
waiting on Miss Watson for over a year.
Why don't you marry herr Harry
She isn't emotional enough. Fond
father-Great Scott. boy, what do you
want with an emotional woman? The
crown Of my head is as bare as a bill
lard ball. Your mother was an emo
tiOnal woman.
PARIsHIONER-De Deacon, L doan't hab
much faith in dat new minister wOt 20
got fO' our church from, down Richmond;
ne has dun prayed TO rain for TO weeks
and not drap has felIed yet. Deacon
Yes, Bre'r Willyums, but it hab
rained pow'fuI hard at Richmond, an
[ guess de Lawd hab dun fo'gotten dat
de minister hab changed his place OBJ
residence.
NOT INSURED.
The moon beams calmly sifted down
Upon two tender things
Matilda Martha Robinson
And William Henry Bings.
The youth was smitten by her charms
And closer to her IeRnt,
And having dared to kiss her, cried,
at was accident :"
For shame young mani" exclaimed the
maid.
Withhold your compliments,
For well you know I'm not insured
Against these accidental"
Hop sand 1Zi8IJdps.