St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1890-03-06
AN AMATEUR BURGLAR.

All the men who are up to the times
are wearing English key chains.
They are made Of steel in this coun-
try, and of silver or gold i'll England.
They are made to faSten to q SuS-
pender button on the band of ones
trousers, and from that the chain
hangs in the pocket of the trousers
with its bunch of keys attached by
means of ring. Whoever has key
chain cannot lose his keys or leave
them anywhere, and yet they are free
enough to be used without being de
tached from the chain. y very we'll
known New York business man, who
lives in Jersey City has not yet got
one of these chains, unless he did SO
Yesterday, but he will buy one as
quickly as he finds out where to get
it.
He got in a scrape that was so fun
nv it will not do to mention his
name He found himself locked out
of his big house on 1.-The Nights" and
he had left his keys in New York in
his desk or his office coat. He rang
and rang and rang and kicked, and
he spent some time throwing pebbles
at the window of his wife's bedroom.
But the house is a splendid solid
structure, one in which you could
fight a duel in the basement without
awakening the people in the bed
rooms. Moreover his wife is an I'M
commonly sound sleeper, and his
children slumber like logs, his ser
vant-girls sleep in the fourth story,
and his man lives over his stable a
block away. He thought of all this
as he pounded and rang and kicked
Then it occurred to him that he had
often told his family how easily his
house could be entered.
''All a burglar needs to do" he used
to say, lis to smash one of the side
windows by the basement door and
put his arm in and unlock the door
and let himself in"
Therefore he went downstairs and
kicked in the door in question, eX-
peeting to be shot at as burglar by
a passing policeman. He put in his
arm and unlocked the door easily
Then he withdrew his arm and turn
ed the knob.
But his wife had needed his words
and had added a stout bolt at the
top of the door. He gave up that
effort and considered the situation
He knew that his man was careless
and frequently failed to chain The
grating over the coal-slide; perhaps
hehad again forgotten to do so. He
lifted the 15O-pOund covering o.
wood and glass off the grating and
then tried the grating. 1t was not
chained. So then this wealthy and
richly-dressed merchant opened the
trap and dropped down upon the
coal, landing there on his hands and
knees After this all he thought he
had to do was to walk up to his bed
room.
But the door at the head of the Gel
lar stairs was locked, and he could
not break it open. He was no better
off than before. He lighted matches
and sat down and pondered. He
climbed the stairs again and beat al
the door and kicked it. Then an
other idea occurred to him. AT
great expense, years before, he had
caused a dumb waiter to be built in
house. Was is big enough for him to
get In lie WOulu lIy IT, ne cOulu
not get in it, but he mounted the TOP
of it and began to haul himself
through the building. 1t was fear
fully hard work The perspiration
rolled off him. The upward progress
was painfully slow. Indeed, once
when he let go the rope for an in
slant, he shot down a whole story
like lump of lead. But it was his
only chance. He pulled away, and
he pulled and pulled The basement
door to the dummy was locked, and
SO was the back parlor door. He
must toll to the second floor.
In the meantime the dumb waiter
not being built for any such weight
or work, and being sadly in need OF
oiling, sent forth most piercing and
diabolical shrieks and groans. The