Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1890-02-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

True genius much resembles a mus
tard-plasler. The secret of its smart
ness lies in close application. "-Ierre
Hdute Express.
You can no more Judge man by his
daily walk and conversation than you
can an election-day saloon by its front
| door.-Detr0tt Free Press.
It's fortunate that a man learns the
''rule of three when child, for later
in life he never gets beyond the rule OF
one.--hearHey Enterprise.
do you suppose Yassar girls sue
coed in after life, Mr.. Smarty?" why,
of course. heard of one getting mar
ried the other day. Epoch.
Professional Beat Ito hotel proprie-
tor)-'Is there any danger of a fire
here?" Proprietor-''Not if you settle
for your board in advance. "-B0Ston
Herald.
Really this is awkward. What did
come here for? All, yes, remember.
Ny dear young lady, / adore you. VIII
you grant me your hand. "-Fhegende
Blatter.
81 saw goblet to-day made of
bone" "Pshaw! saw tumbler
made of flesh and blood last night"
"Where?n ''At the circus. "-Harper'S
BGzar.
Our office-boy asserts that English
sparrows are like rubber bands, be-
cause they are gutter-perchers and have
received "A great deal of a-tension.-
Hotel Gazette
Brown-"How time flies!" jenkins
II am not aware of its speedy pass
age.n B.-"Then you have not note
to pay" J.-'No; | hold yours. -
Boston Budget.
Husband Ito wife at the theater)-
Have you brought your opera-glass?n
Wife-"Yes, but can'tuse it. why
not2" Il forgot to bring my diamond
bracelet. "-IeJas Sytings.
Fond Mother-"You should remem-
Der, my child, that the little birds in
their nest agree" JOHNNY But every
once in a while one of 'em falls out.
I'm that one. "-Munsey's Weekly.
THE Rev. Mr.. Highys-'I did not
see you among the congregation yes
terday, Mrs. Au Fait.n Mrs. An Fait-
mo, was i'll; but IL sent my card
by the coachman. "-LalOrence Ameri-
can.
Stranger TO bootblack)-"Can you
| tell me, my little fellow, the best way
to get to the stationPn Bootback-
"De best way is to take a hack; but if
you're broke you'd better waikiki.
| \. Sun.
A man who beats the gong at a rail-
way eating-station makes a big noise
in the world, but he does not get there.
| Some other fellow eats the dinner. He
| simply makes the din.-AeW Orleans
PtcayaRe.
Going to vote?" asked the furnace.
Il am registered all over the house. :"
And the gas meter replied; wait I'M
til the old man sees how much l have
registered if you want to hear music. "
Boston Bulletin.
Mother-''Now you have broken my
cup. You deserve a whipping; come
here Fritz-"No; / won't come. -
Mother-"C Come, Fritz, till whip you.
and then you shall have a slice of cake. -
--FHegende Btatter.
First Juror-'I tell you this bribery
of jurors is a crying shame, it's a dis
grace Second Juror-"You'r dead
right The darn fool who did the brib-
ing never offered me cent. He ought
to be punished. Epoch.
Wife Cat church, THAT man in the
second pew is acting very strangely.
DO you think he is crazypn Husband
II wouldn't be at all surprised, my
! dear; | see his collar button has gone
down his back."-M Y. Sun.
When woman ciuches her teeth.
shuts up her fists, and remarks in a
concentrated voice, 4 wish | was that
mans wife for about five minutes" Il
| is mighty lucky for chat man. that
she isn't.-Terre Haute Express.
1t is fact worth bordering that
though the night falls around us it
never breaks, whereas the day breaks
but never falls. We offer this deli
cate fancy to some struggling aspirant
for poetical honors. -Harpers Bazaar.
Barber-"I think this is the first
time | ever shaved you, sir Victim
You're mistaken there Barber
Strange l fail to remember, sir"
WELLINGTON wouldn't be so likely
to remember it as In-BoSt0u Herald.
VISITOR hope, my friend, that you
now see the great error you have
maden Murderer-"Yes, | see it
clearer every day. IT'D only r killed
de hired girl, too, there wouldn't have
been no one left to peach on me. ~
LIFE,
First Female Burglar-"Gety your gun.
We are going to crack old man Col
dollars house tonight Second Fe-
male Burglar-"I wouldn't 90 into
that house after dark for the world. 1t
is chuck full of mice. "-Terre Haute
| Express.
Jones-'I believe in equal rights for
that fairest of Gods creation-woman.
The gentler sex, so dear to the heart
OF man, should have all privileges ac-
corded to us Smith (speaking to
! his friend Banks)-'I wonder if that
] man is married "-hearHcg Enterprise.