Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1890-05-01
EPENIN8 RoHOns.

a. tuiN niEu tuht ne was lying |
thief. B.-You have got pluck. It's o
wonder he didn't break your neck.
A.-Oh, told him what I Thought Of
BIN through the telephone 9tgas SifE-
tn9s.
Little boy paper speaks of q
young lady who has an attractive face.
Does that mean prettyY Papa-What
young lady Is the paper talking about
IT'S about an heiress." ''It means she
isn't qui.e homely enough TO stop cloek."
Jim coleman, farmer living near Fort
Dodge, Iowa, was arrested Monday for
fast driving. Afterwards it was discov-
cred that Coleman was Fastening to town
to get doctor for his dying wife, and hs
was released. When he arrived home hia
wife was dead.
Emperor Wilhelm-Say, Bismarck,
what was the longest tennis game on
record? Do you know Bismarok-
Give it up, Willie. Wilhelm-Go and
read your Bible, man, and you will find
that JACOB served seven years for Rachael.
Bismarck resigned naxt day.-,Somergille
journal
1t is stated that "an ingenious man has
invented combination o. chemicals by
which he clGimB to be able at any titae to
create raiastorm." Judging from the
weather We have had, tue ''ineenious
man" Aforesaid has been almost daily
testing his Coordination" in the vicinity
during the past ak months or mora-snd
with great SUCCESS. -NOsristoDn Herald.
a woman gave a Boston car conductor
o quarter of u dollar. He passed it back,
saying: "That isn't good" The woman
became very angry. "Why, Manu." said
tho conductor, 81 can chew that up like
"A quarter nf pie" "Ynu may, il you
can" replied the woman. Whereupon he
o lmly bit it in two and remarked to
friend II bite two or three day
fellow he's TO keep his eve teeth cut here"
Mas Porkwaod-"Do you know, Sir
] could sue You for breach OF promise 2n
Mr. Finlsy Piaoe-"Oh, guess not"
"Whv, sir, did you not ask me to marry
yon ?" eyes" "And | consented ?"
Eyes" swell, sirf" swell, didn't
promise, did II You were tho one that
did that. l presume / have tho right TO
ask you civil question, have l not,
without running the risk of being
dragged into court?"
George, dear, you forgot my letter
this morning." "No, didn't love-"
"You good-tor- nothing fellow! DidG't
/ ask you as you were about to go down
stsirs il you were going to the post
Officer" lyon did, birdie" "And
didn't you say you were ~ 'Preolsely,
my pet" ''And then didn't say there
was letter on the hall table tia:
wished you'd leave there" "Quite right,
my darling, aud that's exactly what
dbl left it there"
A Chicago upholsterer, in repairing an
old sofa that had been brought TO his
shop, found the following articles, which
had slipped down between the back nui
the cushion: Forty seven hairpins, 8
moustachs combs, 10 auBpsnder buttons
% needless 0 cigarettes, photographs,
at pins, soms cloves, 81 oGif buttons, 6
pocket knives, 15 poker chips, vial OF
home 1pathio medicins, "a humps OF chew
ing gum, 50 toothpicks, 2S matches and
button hooks.
Mrs. Erastus Jones-"Lookee ERE,
'kastus, what you gwine to church for
wild dat hat on? Don't you see dat hole
right in de top? Don't you know you
got to han dat hat roun' an take up
election 2" DIR. Rastus Jones --"Yoa
shet up, 'ooman. l reek'n 1 know my
business. When hsu' dis hat rouu' /
hold my hand right slap under dat hole
so kin ketoh de nickels dat drop tfoO,
an keep 'em from 'sturbin' de congrsgs-
ton by rollins on de flo. b'leevs In
kespin' things quiet in de msetiu'- house;
an faint no plaes for rolliu' money roln'
on de fl}.--ia per's BaSar.
Life in NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. (at Moon
shinville, Kentucky morning,
Mr.. Cro' svosds; how's business?" Store
keeper (dsoonsolateiy) -.'mighty poor,
mighty poor. You zee, new store
started up in opposition to me, and of
course l couldn't stand that, 80 1 jest
give nv frien's TIL wink, an they com.
mencsd KILN of his customers bat he
had more trade than l kalkerlated on,
an wen his customers began to shoot
back it made purity even fight and both
sides killed each other of 50 fast that
now there amt either of us got any Gus
TONERS" -N0o York Weekly.
A letter received the ether day is full
Of suggestion to those who desire to
test the expulsive power of good litera-
tufe:
PUB, of beacon. Esq:
viii sly that / will quit taking the
BtdCon az present. did not take 1t for
myself gloan but for my wife TO read 10
keep her from reading unprofltibe trash
and lead her mind TO o higher point aud ~
She lies beneath the sod bound turf at pres
, emit will discontinue.
This would seem to imply that the Beacon
WAS too radical a remedy, but rs we have
not heard OF any other fatal result we
must believe that there WAS aoms com.
piiGatiOn with other causes. The Beacon,
Lansing, Mich.
The Rev. Or. WsylBnd Hoyt. at re.
liRious meeting, day or two ago, gave
this as his idea of how the taking off OF
Abel might have been reported by the
Mes0p9tGmign O5Ser9sr: 'B,oody A1rav
in Cain .Abel.ville A carnival OF crime !!
Halt of the inhabitants murdered by
: the other hslf! No arrests The police
powerless Consequent fall OF real eg-
,, tate! Very advantageous opportunitY
for purchasing in the delightful and
peaceful hamlet OF Seth-ville Lots
: fronting on the public square to be- had
! at this Office" DR.. Hoyt expressed the
opinion that IL st. Paul were living now
he would be editing religious news-
paper. After he closed there was music
+, and then retreshments. - Phfldtaiphid
L.Adger.
Parishioner 0roublsd with douhts) -
"Mr. Honeyman, shonld like to hear
you preach sermon next Sunday or th'
: Sunday following on 'aow to Become
J, Christian rs Salvation Necessary p OF
some such topic" Popular clergyman
!. Relatively "Let see. Next Sunday
4 morning and evening l expect to preact
4 on Economic Problems and 'Iufuenci
OF Egyptian Art on Modern Civilization.
My subjects for several successive dis
: eourses in regular order will be 'Tht