Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-12-15

Never knew what struck him-The hui
morist who could not remember yester-
days idea.
There is nothing like advertising. Very
few persons are unfamiliar with Long
fellow now.
''Samkin spent $4,000 on election ex-
penses." "Well, was he returned?" Eyes
they sent him back to his family
The man who worries most about what
people think of him is usually the kind of
a man the people do not thiuk of at all.
amt going to say my prayers. Why
not, Willie? Oh, what's the use? Every
blame thing 1 ask for amt good for me.
A poet says that a baby is a new wave
on the ocean of life. 1t strikes us that a
fresh squat would express the idea bet
ter.
Fasset-WhatI wearing evening dress
this time of day. Why, it is only noon.
Cholly-Aw, but it is six o'clock in Lon
don doncherknow.
'Do you see any green in my eyer
said he. 81 don't get the chance said
she. "Why not?' Because when 1 look
into it your eyelids always drop"
At the husking bee, if you get red ear,
you may steal kiss; while, on the con-
trary, under other conditions, if you can
steal a kiss, you may get red ear.
al don't think this new color you have
on your house is as warm as the old one. >
"Well, how could it be? The old one has
just had four new coats put on it,"
81 look after the great responsibilities ;
my wifelooks after the little ones" That
is strange. l thought the little ones were
the greatest of all responsibilities.
''Why, that is very spirited horse.
thought you told me it was on its last
legs" mo, 1 didn't; or, if 1 did,
meant that it was always on its hind legs. -
Sally, said a fellow to a girl who had
red hair, keep away from me, or you'll
set me on fire. No danger of that, re-
piled the girl, you are too green to burn
Hoffman Howes-The world owes every
one living, doesn't it? Temple Court
OF course it does. Hoffman Howes-Well,
collect mine for me, and I'll give you
half
Chicago mani am going to bring a
friend of yours home to dinner to night.
He tells me he was once married to you.
Wife-How delightful! L wonder who it
can be-
A slight typographical error-As it was
written The Misses Soanso have very
engaging manners. As it was printed
The Misses Soanso have very engaging
mammas.
Clara-Jack intends to have everything
his own way when we get married Cla-
ra's mamma-Then why do you marry
him? Clara-To relieve his mind of false
impressions.
''This is regular fall weather. remark
ed the wit; 1.-the leaves are falling, the
nuts are falling, and the rain is falling
.sHumph?" growled paterfamilias, ''but
coal isn't"
McGall-Do you exchange unsatisfac.
tory goods? Salesman--Yes, sir. Nc.
Caldwell, here's an overcoat | got here
last year, and 1 think 1 like your new
styles much better.
If woman was as careful in selecting
a husband to match her disposition as she
is in selecting Il dress to match her com
plexion, there would be fewer marriage
trouhIeS than there are
"Do you think, young man. that yot
could give my daughter all she asks for?'
questioned papa grimly. ''I-aw-thinl
so, sir" murmured the lover, bashfully
-'She says she wants only me-"
Everything is at a stand-stiI with US, >
said the dear old Philadelphia matron
$50 l have observed" replied the major
"Your daughter, hear, is still twenty
three, just as she was ten years ago"
"You ought TO take mud bath 70
your trouble" said the doctor. II 20
one on Broadway yesterday" said the pa
tient. "a furniture van crossing loos
car track did the business. But eau
sse that It helped me any,