Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-12-28
Stories for a Novelist's Pen in a
Column of Advertisements.
ALL SORTS OF THINGS EXCHANGED
Fallen Dignitaries SorelY in Need Of Over.
coats and Flannels.
BOOTS TO Be TRADED FOR cREEsE
CORRESPONDENCE OF THE DISPATCH.

| is little II anything foreign about his frlend
John Bull; but in a month or two the Amer
ican resident of London is forced to confess
that John Bull and his ways are really more
antithetical to American ideas than those of
Frenchman, German or Dutchman.
| For instance only Britisher could toler-
ate such paper as The Exchange and Mart,
weekly journal with large circulation, a
comfortable income and devoted principally
to system Of exchange of goods between
BritiSher and Britisher, male and female
both. The paper is also called journal for
| the household, but it. does seem strange that
the secondhand principle should be so
thoroughly inculcated in England that peo-
| pie obtain through public advertisements
their furniture, their clothes, their domestic
utensils, even their most intimate belong
ings with perfect strangers
TWO CHARACTERISTIC NOTICES.
Taking The Exchange and Mart for this
week, l notice that the number of its issue
is 500, and that it is in its sixty-third vol
ume, so it can scarcely be regarded in any
sense of the word as a new venture. From
its closely-printed columns 1 will take out a
few advertisements at random:
| WANTED-Strong leather handbag for com.
mercial use; books in exchange. or cash, il
7 cheap. a. Il.
Dress suit bag wanted, good and cheap. Fl.
| In the first advertisement here Is man
or woman who declines to purchase bag
| out and out unless it can be obtained for
very small amount of money. On the other
hand, he or she is only too willing to take
| lots OF trouble and waste plenty OF time in
obtaining the bag through barter for books
which involves, in order to save the posi-
| bility OF swindling, doing business through
the Office of The Exchange and Mart, and
paying commission to the proprietors of
| the paper, mass of worry, on the whole,
dear to the Britisher's soul
SHIRTS FOR A CLOCK.
In the other advertisement, presumably,
a man wants dress suit bag. If he desires
such a luxury at all, it is fairly to be sup
posed that he would pay the extra shilling
or two and obtain it outright from a neigh
boring store. A little further down the COL
umn we come across half a dozen adver-
tisements of secondhand "grandfather's
clocks" One reads:
Grandfather's clock, oak case, eIght-days;
good condition; 80 shillings cash. or will take
half a dozen undershirts. Apply the Rev. -,
Cleveland Yorkshire.
Well this is probably some hard-up York
shire curate, but it seems sad that the good
man should have to forfeit his ancestral
| timepiece for the sake of warmer under
clothing. Still it must be instructive to
Americans. particularly Pittsburgers, who
pay as much as 500 apiece for grand
fathers clocks" to learn, according to an
advertisements little lower down, that for
25 shillings. or Sc, very fine old grand
fathers clock in tall oak case, brass face,
elaborately carved and pierced. splendid
timist, perfect in every way, can be pur-
chased; or IAN art rug and pair of black
pants would be taken in exchange"
A NEW DRESS FOR BARTER i.
A handsome new dress is offered in ex.
| change tfor bookcase three feet high with
| glass DOORS also a hall table and an occa-
sional chair" OF what quality the hand
some new dress happens to be is not stated,
but it ought to be rather good in material.
ETC., ii it is worth all the furniture the lady
requires for 1t.
A silver English lever watch and IA carat
solid goid-link Albert chain is offered in ex-
change Tor drawing room suite-not very
| liberal offer if the drawing room suite is fit
| for the chamber it is expected to adorn.
! Next comes an advertisement to the effect
that sponge bath is for sale cheap, have
no further use for it. This is grim,
unconscious humor worthy of a comic jour
nal, and the next line paragraphed after the
| advertisement intensifes its comical eccen-
tricity. "Will take half dozen new or q
| dozen secondhand silk pocket-han6ker-
| chiefs" There is more sense in an adver-
| tisement which reads: "Child's cot in per-
feet condition. cost e6; would exchange for
a musical instrument" as the child may
may have grown too big tor the cot and may
| have 10 little brothers or sisters to succeed
to 1t in its possession. But a musical in
cfr MT nnt ha o,t
| sympathetic exchange that could be made.
TIRED OF HIS BOOTS.
| To continue, however, with a few adver-
| tisements from three columns devoted to
Dress" only. Half dozen demands ap-
pear for boots. Gne gentleman, who signs
"Army Officer" says: 81 have top hunting
boots, small eights, very good, will take a
stIlton cheese dozen bottles of sherry in
exchange" He evidently wants to have a
| good time at the expense of his boots. Now
! look at the next advertisement and let the
| reader rest assured that I am making no
exaggeration. but taking this word for word
| from paper of the date have mentioned:
Wanted new boots for family of seveI good
exchange given or arrangements can be made
| for instruction in bicycling and French.
By the side Of the above comes this one:
| Wanted two or three party frocks for a girl
I of l5, Immediately. Mrs Doctor Nj.
Now what can be more peculiarly British
| than such announcements. Here is a girl
| of only 15, whose parents evidently desire to
make a splurge, She is to 60 to parties
| and two or three frocks are TO be provided
for these parties, all secondhand. Can any
thing be more ridiculously economical.
A STORY OF DRESS BALL.
A little lower down in the column the
following advertisement speaks for itself:
FANCY DREss-Specialty-A snowy yellow
satin. short skirt, low body, made for gentle
| mans wear; handsome ballet skirt, deep lace
! elaborately trimmed, open work stockings, y
| button kid gloves. size "a: high-heeled patent
| leather boots. lacing extra high, fit tall man,
| waist "a inches, with or without black satin
| corsets.s The whole bargain for EOS; or will
| take cape ulster in exchange. Address K.
| Clapham, London.
This is too evidently case of young
gentleman who has almost ruined himself
to appear at fancy ball and now finds that
he lacks the means to buy thick overcoat
for the very cold weather now prevalent in
England. His Indifference as to whether
the black satin comets are taken or not is
| explained by the fact that the size OF his
bly, have no difficulty in inducing his mother
or his maiden aunt to purchase or accept the
| useful garment at his hands.
In another advertisement tale of woe,
and feminine woe at that, is too plainly re-
vealed
| Real sealskin jacket, newest style, Medici
collar putfed sleeve; fl tall, slight gure; Just
cosI fl2 (S60). Will take 81 or typewriter's out
| fit In exchange.
| PLOT FOB A NOVEL.
| This an uooe,ts almost sufficient for a dime