Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-06-26
The COD From THE MACHINE.
BY RUDYARD KIPLING.

far wrong snyways.-Aa1ins Of Private
Hutrdney.
The 1nexpressibles gave q ball They
borrowe1a a seven-pounder from the Gunnersr
and wreathed 1t with laurels, and made the
dancing floor plate glass, and provided g
supper the like of which had never been
eaten before, and set two sentries at the door
of the room to hold the trays Of programme
cards. My friend, Private MuIvaney, was
one of the sentries, because he was the
tallest man in the regiment. When the
dance was fairly started the sentries were
released, and Private Mulvaney fed to
curry favor with the mess sergeantin charge
Of the supper. Whether the mess sergeant
gave or Mulvaney took L cannot say. All
that am certain of is that at supper time
found Mulvaney, with Private ortherts,
two-thirds of ham, loaf of bread, half q
pste-de-foie-grss, and two magnums OF
champagne, sitting on the roof of my car
riage. As came up heard him saving:
Praise be danst doesn't come as often
as ord'ly room, or by this an that. orth'ris.
me son, wud be the dishgrace av the
rig'mint instid av the brightest jool in uts
crown"
"And the Colonel's pet noosince." said
Ortheris, who was Londoner. "But wot
makes y0u curse your rations? This ERE
fzzy stuff's good enough"
"Stuf, We oncivilized pagini 'Tis cham
pagne we're dhrinkin' now. 'Tisn't that /
am set ag'in. 'Tis this qusre stuff wild the
little bits av black leather in it. mis-
doubt will be distressin'ly sick wild it in
the mornin'. Fwhat is ut?''
''Goose liver I said, climbing on the top
of the carriage, for knew that it was better
to sit cut with Mulvaney than to dance many
dances.
Goose liver is ut?" said Mulvaney.
"Faith, I'm thinkin' thin that makes it
wud do betther to cut up the Colonel He
carries a power av liver under his right
arrum whin the days are warm an the
nights chill He wud give thin tons an
tons av liver Tbs he sez so. I'm all liver
to-day sez he; an wild that he ordhers me
ten days c. B. for as mold a dhrink as liver
q good sodger TUX betune his teeth."
THAT was when e wanted for to wash
'isself in the Fort DITCH" Ortheris ex-
planned. "Said there was too much beer in
the Barrack water butts for q God-fesring
man. You was lucky in gittin' orf with
wot you did, Mulvaney."
"You say so? Now I'm persuaded was
cruel hard trated, seein' fwhat I've done
for the likes sv him in the days whin my
ewes were wider opin than they are now.
Man alive, for the Colonel 10 whip me on
the peg in that wayl Me that have saved
the reputation aV a ten times better man
than him Twas ne-farious, an that names
q power aV evil p
''Never mind the righteousness, said.
fWhose reputation did you save?"
"More's tine pity, 'twasn't nv own, but 1
tux more trouble wild it than av ut was.
Twas just my way, messins wild fwhat was
no business av mine. Hear nowP He set
tied himself at ease on the top OF the car
riage. "I'll tell you all about ut. Av coorse
will name no names, for there's wan that's
an 'cer's lady now that was in ut, and no
more will 1 name places, for man is
thracked by place"
"Evahl' said Ortheris lazily, ''but this is
q mixed story wot's comm"
"Wanst upon time, as the childer books
say, was q recruity."
Twas you, thought" said Ortheris, "now
that's extraordinary"
"Orth'r said Mulvaney, cav you opin
thin lips av yours again will, savin' your
presince, sorr, take you by the slack av your
trousers an heave you"
"I'm num-" said Ortheris. "Wot
'appened when you was a recruity?"
81 was q betther recruity than you liver
was or will be. but that's neither here nor
there. Thin l became q man, an a divil of
a man l was Is years ago. They called me
Buck Mulvaney in thin days, an, begad, L
tux woman's eye. I did thatl Ortheris,
ye scrub, fwhat are ye sniggeriu' at? Do
you misdoubt me?"
Devil Doubt" said ortheris; "but I've
'eard summat like that beiorel''
Mulvsney dismissed the impertinence
with q lofty wave of his hand, and con-
tinued:
San the orfcers av the rig nent was in
in thin days was Orfcers-gran' men, wild
manner on 'em an way wild EN- such as is
not made these days-all but wan-wan O.
the Capt'nE. A bad dhrill, wake voice,
an limp leg-thIm three things are the
signs av bad man. You bear that in your
head, Ortiz me son.
AN the Colonel aV the rig'mint had
daughter-wan av thin lamblike, bleatiu'.
plck-me-up-an'- n'-csrry-Lne-or-IlI-die gurls.
such as was made for the natural prev ay
men like the Capt'n. who was iyerlastiu'
payin' court to her, though the Colonel he
said time an over, 'Kape out av the brute's
way, my dear But he niver had the heart
for to send her away from the throuble, beiu'
as he was widower, an she their wan
child"
''Stop minute, Mulvaney," said 1; chow
IN the world did you come to know these
thIngs?"
'HOw did Gomez" said Mulvaney, with
q scornful grunt; "bekase I'm turned durin'
the Quane's pleasure to a lump av wood,
lookin' out straight forninst me- wild a-a-
candelabbrum In my hand, for you to pick
your cards out av, must not see nor feel?
Av coorse 1 du! Up my back, an in nv
boots, an in the short hair av the neck
that's where I kape my eyes when I'm on
duty an the reg lar ones are fixed. Know!
Take my word for it, soor, ivrything an
great dale more is known in a rig'mint;
or fwhat wud be the use av mess sargint
or a sargint's wife doin' wet nurse to the
Majors baby? To reshume. He was bad
dhrill was this Cspt'n-a rotten bad dhrill-
an whin first 1 ran me eve ever him sez
to myself: MY militia bantamp 1 sez
my cock of Gosport dunghill'-'twas from
Portsmouth he came to us-there's combs
to be cut, says 1, an by the grace of God
tits Terence Mulvaney will cut thim.'
$50 be wint menowderin', an minaderin',
an blandandhering roun' an about the Col
onels daughter, an she, poor innocint
lookin' at him like a comm 'ssarlat bullock
looks at the company cook. He'd a dhirty
little scrub av a black mustache, an he
twisted an turned iviry wurrd he used, 90
av be found ut too sweet for to spit out
Evahi he was a tricky man an liar by
natur'. Some are born so. He was wan.
I knew he was over his belt in money bor-
rowed from natives; besides lot av other
matners, which, in regard for your presince,
sorr, will oblitherate. A little av fwhat
I knew the Colonel knew, for be wud have
none Sv him, an that I'm thinkin', BY
fwhat happened aitherward, the Capt'n