The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-10-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Goes into tea without being asked
Milk.
Society leaders are in the swim every
where but at the seaside.-Pucb
Arbitration gives two parties the
halves of a pretty stale aud bitter loaf
Puck.
Ladies' change-that found in the
pockets of husbands at night. .-BoStoR
Courier.
1t may be said of man who invests
in a quarry that his lot is hard one
Yoakers Gazette.
Some men stand on principles, others
trample on them. The latter, naturally,
make the most noise.
Silver is sold in France by the "kilo."
In this country it comes in quartz
Commercial AdeertiSer.
A man must necessarily have a sharp
eye in order to cast piercing glance
BinghdmtOn Republican.
"a good lathering is the first requisite
of a good shave" at is also the best
thing for a bad shaver. ."-NelO KOrG
Herald.
"Do you dictate to your typewriterl"
~ used to do so, but married her and
now she dictates to me. '-B0Ston
Courier.
There is reason in all things. Few
never call their wives "old hens" until
they became broilers.- Commercial Id
Certiser.
Dedhed-"Say, doctor, what kind of
medicine will cure my coldf' Doctor
Smart-"The kind l prescribe. "-Ydn-
kee BIade.
An uptown 'man recently left his
family and has not since been found, al
though his nose turned up.--PhiLdieL-
phia Times
If money could be borrowed as easily
as trouble, the world would be full of
round-shouldered people.-Indiandpolis
RAMS Horn.
Waggin Their Tongues. you
ever know that wagon spokep "Yes,
heard one complain about being tired"
The BostoniaR.
''Will you love me when Im old1"
sang a maiden of uncertain age, "Will
II" murmured a crusty old bachelor.
"Do !, you mean7"-- Washington Star.
You'll be President, perhaps,
II well you run life's race
"rd rather be, ~ the boy replied,
"The man who plays first base.n
Washington Post
"The new assessor is n very honest
man." "You don't say so! What has
he been doingln "Why, he told me he
often taxed his own memory. West
Shore.
"Judge," said the prisoner, who had
robbed an art store, in pleading tone,
"there amt any law to prevent a mans
taking photographs, is thereof Chicago
Tribune.
Groom-"A ring around the moon is
the sign of rain" Bride (sweetly)-
"And a ring around a woman's finger is
the sign Of" Groom-(sadly)
"Reign. ."-JeOelerS' Weekly.
Miss Amy-"Now I'll sing you 'Only
a Lock of Her Hair. Young Dolley
(after she has made several false starts)-
"You don't seem to have the right key
for that lock. ."-LiPpiRe0ttS.
Susan (reciting)-'Half league, halt
league, half a league onward" Fa,
ther-"There, Susan, thatll do. We
in this house. ."-B0sc,a Transcript.
If progress, now so fresh and feet
Keeps on, it's just as like as not
Wen take our baths, and shave, and eat
BY putting nickles in the slot.
Washington Post
First Citizen (at street row)-'Is
that man lying in the ambulance one of
the fighters" Second Citizen-"No,
he was passing at the time aud tried to
stop the fight. There 20 the fighters
walking off now. boston Herald,
"No," said Professor Feelem, tho
eminent phrenologist, my profession
does not yield a life full of sunshine, as
many suppose, l tell you;" and no
wiped away tear. "I've felt some
pretty hard bumps in my life. Light.
"Are you student or a practicing
physiciani" asked the young woman of
the young man who had been known as
"Doctor' since last June. "Neither, -
he said, with a depth of disappointment
which she could not fathom.- Washing
ton Star.
Mr.. Chugwater explaining matters to
visitors) wife is generally we'll,
but she is suffering to-day from rheuma-
tism, influenza, toothache, score thumb
and an lndamed eye. In her case it never
rains but it pours. Mrs. Chugwater (ex-
/ planning matters also)-'I don't make
any fuss about it, though. am not hike
my husband, He never pains, but he
roars. - Chicago Tribune.
Prime Minister Crispi, of Italy, is
millionaire, though poorest among
Italian revolutionary exiles thirty years
ago