Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-08-17

There is one man in Sacramento who is
sorry now that the Convention was held
here, and that man is Secretary Smith, OF
the State Agricultural Society.
When the delegates began to arrive. Sec
rotary Smith donned his new suit and,
working himself into a highly amiable
and clipper condition, sailed forth to i'm
press the visitors that we were not all
Gays" in Sacramento.
He succeeded very well until he boarded
blue car loaded with delegates bound for
the Capitol. Espying one of the San Fran
cisco delegates-an athletic young man
with very sober face-the smiling Secre-
tary resolved TO impress him, too
"Aheml Howdy do?" he began. after
taking seat beside the proposed victim
"Markham's the man, suppose-of course
he is-good man. too, l guess-of course be
is-Shippee's my man, though, but Pm
afraid he won't be in it-and the band
played Annie Laurie Ha! hal ha!'
The victim smole sickly smile, and the
Secretary continued:
And the band played Annie Laurie 7
Hal ha bal Say, my friend. did you
ever know why it was that the band played
| Annie Laurie?"
! Certainly" replied the San Francisco
delegate, splitting on his hands and taking
q firm, wohand grip on his loaded cane
sit was because Annie couldn't play the
! band"
Then with a wild demoniacal whoop the
delegate set upon the Secretary and be
labored him with the cane meTcilessly
And what was worse. the other delegates
| Joined in the melee and Mr.. Smith was
finally cast ruthlessly from the car.
| .Gollyl' he muttered as he lmped to.
ward the sidewalk, and began brushing the
dust from his clothes, I'D have taken my
oath that joke was brand new one-but
sh. mel such is life. A man never knows
nowadays whether or not he's in it."
Health Officer Nichols alighted from a
J-street car and started down Fourth street
| to keep an engagement with friend.
He was just passing the Morgue when
an odor, sickeningly suggestive, was waited
beneath his nostrils with such force that il
| staggered him.
Dear meI' calculated the doctor, grasp
| ing his nose firmly between his thumb and
| forefnger. This will never do in the
world, They can't keep dead bodies laying
around in this kind of weather The
health of the city will suffer"
Thereupon the doctor marched into the
Morgue and took Deputy Clark to task.
I'VE haven't any bodies in stock" in
dignantly declared Mr.. Clark.
Must have" said the doctor, positively
VI could never be deceived on that smell.
Probably you have laid one aside and for
gotten it''.
We'll, you can have it if you can find
it," was the reply, and the deputy went on
with his work of making out bills against
the county.
The doctor didn't say whether he wanted
it or not, but at any rate he began careful
search about the place. True, the odor
was not 80 pronounced inside the estab-
lishmen;; yet the doctor was confident he
would unearth the Notifying remains of
some unfortunate sooner or later.
But it was in vain. He went all through
the cellar, looked in all the closets. under
benches, and even in the caskets, but
without result.
Very strange unused the doctor, and
he went out upon the sidewalk again.
"Whew J" be gasped; there it is stronger
than ever" and he bolted for the opposite
side of the street Reaching a place of
safety. he stopped to study the situation.
on the adjacent beer saloon. Then
he perceived thin white yapor curling
up from the sidewalk grating in front of
the latter place.
Thinking that something in the shape of
cremation might be going on, the doctor
resolved to investigate. He proceeded TO
the saloon and inquired the way to the
cellar.
The barkeeper pointed to a rear door,
and the doctor opened it and went down
stairs. At each step the odor became more
and more sitting, but the officer proceeded
brayely on.
Reaching the cellar he could see up at
the further end-jnst beneath the sidewalk
"a mysterious figure, vigorously stirring
the contents of an immense steaming caui-
dron.
AHA caught them in the act ?" ex.
ward. Here you he said, graspiDg the
here-what does this mean, say2'
The mysterious figure turned around and
exhibited a surprised Teutonic physiog-
nomy. IVY" he said, II do nuddings. l
only make me dot sauer kraut."
,'Looky here, Mr.. Reporter" shouted a
well-known local pioneer, yesterday, as he
espied the car editor on bobtail car.
After making an unsuccessful attempt
to induce the driver to refund him his
nickel, the reporter reluctantly jumped oft
to see what was the matter with the
pioneer.
Got an item for We" he said, as he dove
down into his coat pocket and produced a
bundle of soiled and ragged papers. First
let me tell you," he continued, "that few
days ago Ireceived trunk from the East
containing some effects of my father, who
has been dead these thirty years. Since
then the trunk was kept by my brother in
the East, but now he is dead, they have
been sent to me. In looking over them l
found these old newspapers-they'r sew
enty years old. Think of it-older'n me.
But there's some interesting items in 'em,
and here is one in particular l want you to
read
The reporter took the paper and read as
directed. 1t was an editorial comment on
the first cooking stove ever invented. 1t
is as follows:
I'VE do not profess to be an adept on the
art of cooking or baking, but as far as our
knowledge will allow us to Judge we think
Mr.. Stowellis improvement q very essential
one. Those more skilled will, no doubt,
see the utility of the improvement over the
common baking pan. The application OF
the door at the side enables person at any
time to witness the effect of the heat on
what is within. The trouble which is done
away with on this head every one who has
used the covered pans must have expert
eDced. We understand it is already for
sale by most of the hardware dealers in
this city, and we think it will be found in
every respect to answer the purpose in
tended. As our columns are always open
for the introduction of new inventions, we
have given it room. We wish the inven-
lion success, and would cheerfully recon-
mend it to the public as highly useful
and important article for the kitchen"