Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-08-21
CRANES PHONOCRAPH.
The Comedian Has P1aything Which Can
Deal Out Practical Joke.

One of the most important pieces of
furniture in the new fiat which William
H. Crane and his wife have lately taken
is in the eyes of the master of the
establishments queer-looking arrange
ment of brass wheels and cylinders,
which the initiated know as a phono-
graph. 1t is productive of so much in
nocent amusement that Mrs Crane
merely shakes her head and good-na-
turedly says nothing when she shifts
the malodOrous fumes from the battery
which supplies the motive power or
finds distressing stain on one of her
beautiful rugs, due to the acid con-
tanned in the said battery. Every Sun
day evening Mr.. Cranes friends drop
| in and are entertained by the marvel
| Gus little instrument, into which the
| owner has not only recited humorous
stories and poems, but has also brought
| back to his older friends memories of
| the days when he was known as the
phenomenal basso" by trolling out
verses Of songs in a rich, resonant bar
itone voice. Acquaintance and friends,
| knowing his hobby, have taken pains
to send him waxen cylinders which
being placed on the photograph have
ground out atfectionate messages or
| amusing stories, and it is whispered
| that the fondest dream of Cranes life
is to procure cylinders which will
| transmit the sonOrous phrases of W.
! E. Gladstone, and the forcible utter
ances of the ex-Chancellor Bismarck
The other day little package az
rived by mail, which, on being opened
| was found to contain one of the familiar
waxen cylinders, covered with hardly
perceptible dots and dashes, which
proclaimed it to be a photographic
communication. Crane had not time
then to TRANSMIT" it, so he laid it aside
until he should have the requisite leis-
ure. A day or two afterwards the
| Cranes were surprised by a visit from
an old friend, a rather prim maiden
| lady, from Massachusetts, to whom the
| stage is but an invention of the Evil
| One, and who is therefore in a con-
| slant state of mild Indignation that any
one she esteems so highly as VIII
! Crane should be connected with it.
Indeed she is always prophesying that
| sooner or later even he will fall a vic
tim to the Tempter's wiles. After the
old lady had been Hospitality enter
tanned, the photograph was, of course,
| brought out and exhibited. She listen
| ed to a verse of Rocked in the Cradle
| of the Deep as interpreted by her
host, with delight and then other cylin-
| ders were slipped on and proved equal
| ly entertaining to the elderly maiden.
| Finally it came to the turn of the new
| ~, Il
| vet had time to sample. The visitor
| adjusted the little ear-tubes. and with
an air of pleased expectancy began to
listen as the cylinder whirled around.
| Soon. however, her expression changed
| to one of surprise, from that to horror,
and from that again to grieved dis
dain. When the message was fully
| ground out. she turned to Mrs. Crane
kissed her tearfully on the forehead.
| groaned rather than spoke, My poor
child, how you must suffer-" snapped
out ''Monster! at the amazed Crane,
and swept out of the house.
| Crane looked at his wife and she
looked at him. Then they made a
simultaneous rush for the phonograph.
The cylinder was readjusted, and as
Crane listened to its metallic voice the
secret was out. In an affected woman S
voice it ground out a string of endear-
inc sentiments ending with, Yours
till death. Popsyn Some one had
been playing harmless practical joke
on the actor and the visitor had taken
it seriously.
A blight has been in a measure cast
on the enjoyment of the photograph in
the Crane household, and the eminent
comedian is doing his best to find out
the treacherous friend whose jest has
had such disastrous consequences. He
has not been successful yet, but has his
eye.on brother-comedian and fellow.
Lamb"