davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
WHY He Was Invitod-fnciticnt of
the yoyagc-His Joints-Ho
Guessed It-Lcarncd by
Experience. Etc.

Say! Mr.. Snythe, my sister Emma sent
me here to say
Tho ladies want you with them on their pic.
mic trip to-day"
"Ah. Wcally, Tell yoah sister I'll be oval-
joycd to go.
And glad to lean my pwcssncc is appwe-
ciutcd So"
Come OF, That amt the reason why they
sent mo here to ask it.;
heard hcr say they'd have you Ion. to lug
the dinner basket
-Chicuyo Herald
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
A DIFFICULT CASE.

A physician received late one evening
a note from three of his fellow pracli-
TONERS: "Plcasc stop over to the club
and join lis nj n rubber of whist"
Emile, DEAR lie said to his wife,
there l am called away again; it appears
to be difficult case; there nrc three
other doctors on the spot already"
LUstiJc Bifcffer
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
WHY JOHNNY WAS SENT TO BED.

Johnny's Mother Continuing to ready
-" But the stubborn animal refused to
go step further, whereupon its master
beat it so severely that it fell to the
earth, its breath coming in quick, short
pants Dear me, that was terrible,
wasn't it, Johnny Ho might have
tried Kindness"
eyes" responded Johnny, cor a
trouscr- strctcher."
"Trouscr- strctchcrl"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
DREAMS.

"PcrlSins, had dream about you
last night"
"Pshaw! you don't believe in dreams,
do you!"
81 don't know. dreamed that you
would soon be millionaire" =
"Thats encouraging Dreams about
money always come true, bclievc."-
juogc.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
HOW TO CATCH FISH.

"Boys, how much do you want for
TINT string of iisha" asked mn amateur
fisherman on his way home from days
sport.
The boy named his price.
CAN right; there's your money. Now
just throw the fish," and he ,lexterously
caught them.
Talk about catching fish, he said as
he pursued his way
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
GOOD REASONS INDEED

Prospective Purchaser Ito owner of
store who is DESTROYS Of selling, in great
ragc)-"Why, your BUSINESSES very poor.
You have deceived me. Your books
show hardly any sales. And yet YOU
have the nerve to advertise that you arc
selling out 'for good rcasons!'"
Store Owner (coolly)-"Well, and ain t
them good reasons for selling What's
chewin' yerl"- XNAkcc Bkade.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
LEARNED nY EXPERIENCE.

son, you must not dis
ssRgte with your mother in that way"
III Boy--"l'ut SHE'S il the wrong"
Fathcr-''That makes 10 difference
and you might rs well learn, my child,
once for all, that when lady says II
thing is SO, it is SO, even if it isn't so -
Pick Nc Up.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
HIS JOINTS.

Wife Observation-Disclosures is your
rheumatism this morning, John, ,lcar3"
llusband-'Prctty bad, my dear;
pretty bad"
"Why don't you try the mind curca"
"rhcrc amt anything the matter with
my mind. It's my joints, dear, my
nlQints. " 1stOn Conrier.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
HELPING Trn TEACHER OFT.

Little Tommy had spent his first day
Mt school.
"Whnt did you lcarnl' asked his
auntic on his return.
Didn't learn anythingl" said Tommy.
"Wcll, what did you dor"
"Didn't do anything! A woman
wanted to know how to spell 'cat, and
L told her. "--London Tit Bits.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
NOTHING MUCH TIE MATTER.

"Wcll, my dcar madam, and how AFRO
you to-day?"
so, doctor, have terrible pains all
over my whole body, and it seems im-
possible to breathe! or course I can't
sleep at all, and l haven't particle of
appetite"
"But otherwise you feel all right, don't
you?"-Fiicgende Bhietter.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09
INCIDENT OF TIE VOYAGE.

Passenger Qor the 1llth timc)-"Cap.
tain, thcrc isn't amy danger of the vessel
going to the bottom, is thcrc?"
Captain (cNaspcratcd)-''rm afraid
not, sir. '-Lifa.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1890-05-09

Upward of 500 horses havo recently
been purchased in Australia by the agents
of tina Indian Government.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
Williams Wonder, Allerton, a
Candidate for the Stallion ]
Championship.
National Trotting Association
Magnates Will Protect Rec
Ords Against Time.
Seven Races Scheduled for
Elizabeth To-Day and Fiva
at Nashville.
English Blood in America
Celebrities of the Turf
HOof Prints.

The performance of Allerton at lnde-
pendence marks him as one OF the
greatest of stations, and q possible car
didate for the stallion championship.
In the spring he was reported as hope
lessly broken down, but just about
the time the news had we'll
spread that he was Oh the re-
tired list. Williams worked him four
miles better than 2:20 one day, and then
lowered his record. He went to De-
troit and offered Margaret S. resoiute
battle for The HorSeman Great Expecta-
ton stake, but collapsed in the last
that We had seen the last of the great
son OF Jay Bird on the turf. But after
little rest he came out again
refreshed, and less than a month
ago cut his record to 2:1519
in the third heat of race. He trotted
i'll the same time in his battle with
McDoel at Lexington, and on the second
day of the late Independence meeting
he again lowered his mark to 2:14. In
his last attempt. with raw all, he trotted
mile in 2:13$l, and repeated in 2:1319,
hiiAoiiliiS IA IiiC iuCC VI u " CiOiIC. lS
brown colt now holds the four-year-old
stallion record. and only Nelson. Stam-
boul, his former stable companion AK
tell. PalO Alto and the dead MaXey
Cobb are between him and the stallion
championship. The success of the Will
lams colts has been marvellous. and he
seems to have the faculty of patching
up with rare success the wounds that
his exacting system OF training leaves.
Allerton is horse of great speed, great
stamina and great recuperatiye powers.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
A TRAMP POSTAL CARD.
It's Record in Globe-Trotting From
England East to California.
SAN Francisco Call.

SAN Francisco Call.
Via the steamship China, which ar
rived Tuesday. cane addressed TO the
postof1ice of this city postal card en-
route around the world. 1t was started
at South Kensington. England, on July
., last, and reached the several ports as
July I6: SucZ, OH the following day:
Alden, July "a: Calcutta, Aug. G; Hong
Kong, Aug. IS; Shanghai, Sept. 5:
Yokohama, Sept. II, and San Francisco.
Sept. 80
Assistant Postmaster John C.. Quinn
stated to representative that the postal
card had lost about twelve days by be-
ing addressed to Shanghai. 1t should.
lie said, have been sent from Hong
Kong to Yokohama direct. This would
have made the entire trip around the
world possible in about ninety days.
About one month ago the local office
received Il postal card from O. l..
Schmidt, the sender asking as special
across the United States. Perhaps he
knew from the postmaster at South
Kcnsington that Sume such comnunica-
tion is necessary. for the laws of the
United States do not permit of the for
Warding of such tramp" letters with
ont an American stamp on it.
This is only meant on the part of the
government to curb useless and often
foolish desire on the part of the senders
TO have something that had passed
around the globe. Besides. as busi-
ness proposition, the custom of sending
such miSSives is TO be deprecated. The
card in question WAS sent from South
kensington during the Jubilee Conver-
saziene. and is for scientific purposes.
1t viii be received next at Montreal,
whittier ii was sent next last night.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
EDUCATION FOR WOMEN.
The Ideal Of Devotion Consistent
With Conditions Of Culture.

Mary Lowe Dickinson III Harper's Bazaar.
Said brilliant woman of our day:
"To be n wife and mother is not the end
OF my existence; the end is to be q wom
an. l am only wife and mother III
passing" But even if wifehood and
motherhood were the end and aim, the
higher the development of the woman
the better the wife and mother. Con-
lugal affection. maternal instinct, are
none the less powerful when under the
control of enlightened intelligence. In
deed, the highest ideal of devotion is
consistent with the highest conditions
of culture, and she who knows most of
what man knows is certainly better
fitted to be his companion than is she
who meets his nature only on the side
of his physical comfort.
For woman to know how to look
pretty, to dress taStefully, to preside
graciouSly, TO make her house charming
and her home delightful to all who feel
its social atmosphere; for her to be i'll
tereSted in her church and her chari-
ties, 10 like good books, to appreciate
good music-all this is involved in the
highest. if not in the so-ealled "higher"
education. We mean that all this keeps
in exercise and consequent develop
ment the highest part of her nature.
But to know how TO look pretty does
not demand that woman should know
nothing else, and many woman gradu-
ate has discovered and is ready to
testify that in all things that enter into
the glory OF the true home life she is
able 10 do better and 10 be more because
OF that widening OF Judgment and de-
Veiopment of mental powers that came
as the result Of college work.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
NIMBLE AS A SQUIRREL.
Seyen-Year-OId Miss Sloan Climbs
a Hundred-Foot Tree as Easily
as Her Brother.

Seyen-Y Year-OId Miss Sloan Climbs
q Hundred-Foot Tree as Easily
as Her Brother.
Clarion Republican
Near Raine's -four mill stands hem
high, at the butt is all of six feet in cir
eumferenee, and is minus limbs for at
least ten feet up its jagged trunk. On
the extreme top of the tree wild crane
vine blossomed and bore fruit this
season, and Il number of the young
lads have climbed the tree at various
times to secure this luscious fruit. DR..
E. M. Sloan lives near this locality, and
is the father of a bright. pretty little
daughter. who is now in her seventh
year, and is not overly large for her
age. This little miss has often looked
with eovetous eyes on the success Of the
boys in securing The grapes, and one
day last week she concluded to try the
same method adopted by them.
How she ever accomplished the feat
no one knows. out when discovered she
was on one OF the t0pmost limbs, stand
ing upright, holding herself Ill position
with one hand, while with the other she
was gathering the finest punches of
grapes. Her mother, hoving missed
the little lady, went in search of her.
and. discovering her position, to say
that she was scared bat slightly eX-
presses her feelings; but, knowing that
to express any signs of fear might cause
the little one to lose courage, she spoke
TO her in her usual pleasant manner.
and commanded her to come down inn
mediately. The little one, always quick
to obey, Immediately proceeded to do
so, and as nimbly as a squirrel she
climbed down the tree and landed safely
on the ground,
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
TIME RECORDS.
Official Protection to Be Accorded
Them.

A number of prominent breeders had
earnest talks at Lexington with P. P.
Johnston, president, and David Bonner,
vice president of the National Trotting
association, about carrying out one of
the instructions of the Buffalo congress.
They argued. in view Of the steps taken
10y the n. A. T. FL. b., that the book to
be published annually from Hartford.
giving all the records made during the
season. should be compiled with the
greatest care. They think that it
should be made book which will be
generally sought after by persons seek
ing information with regard to the
speed rank of horses. Records
made under proper safeguards against
the watch will be admitted to it, because
such records arc duly authorized by the
rules of the National Trotting aSSocia-
ton. 1t is urged that the pedigree OF
every performer taking record shall
be traced as far as possible. The preSi-
dent and vice president are alive to the
Importance of the situation, and they
will see to it that the order of the Buff
falo congress is carried out in a thorough
manner. The seal of the association
will not be attached to slovenly work.
The active trOtt.ng season is nearly over
and the compiler Of records should be-
gin his task without delay. Unless he
does this, the work will not be ready by
the 1st of January. AS the national as
sociati0n authorizes performances
against the watch, it is the duty of the
great organization to throw official pro-
lection around records obtained In this
way,
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
The Little Grave.

There is pathos in the sight of an
unknown grave lying alone, especially
If it be little one. No one can resist
its helpless sorrow, and even the hardest
hearts will respect it. The Atlanta Con-
StltutiOn prints an interview with one OF
the keepers of the state DeniIentlary.
Il nave just returned from inspecting
the convict camps, and during my trip
| met with an incident which has i'm
pressed itself deeply on my mind. l was
travelling along the line of the Columbus
Southern railroad in Terrell county,
which is being constructed by the con-
vlctS. when my attention was attracted
by little grave.
''There is nothing but pine woods
down there. and the great trees stood
like SentinelS about the little sleeper.
A marble slab at the head Of the grave
bore no name and only the inscription:
Mark the grave of your loved one.'
This one small grave. left there by the
roadside in the stiffness of the great
as it appeared we'll kept, and I knew
that no one lived within fifteen miles of
the spot.
when l reached the next town I
made inquiries about the child's grave,
and learned that years ago white fam
lily VINO were making their way to Flor
ida camped on the spot. and during the
night their little baby died, They buried
it there, and left only a little mount to
mark the spot where a mothers heart
had been broken.
''Year after year. when the men came
to mend the road, the little grave was
remembered. and it was cared for and
banked up. at last, three years ago. a
gentleman who passed by was told the
story, and it was he who placed the
marble stone above the dust of the little
stranger
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
SOLD TO THE OWNER.
Peculiar Incident of q Selling
Race in the South.

Race III the South.
Exchange.
The conversation turned on selling
races, and guiet-looking turfman, who
sat in the corner silently pufhng cigar,
tilted his chair back while the sun
shine of pleasant "reminiscences fitted
across his good-natured eountenance.
''The funniest incident ever exper-
ienced," said he, occurred during the
winter meeting at New Orleans. IT
was in the early days of the track, and
some of the officials of lesser note
were not distinguished for their Ches-
terfieldian polish. ! had mare entered
in cheap selling race under nv
trainers name, and after winning
the event she was put up for sale. At
first there was no raise OH the entered
price, but the auctioneer dwelt consid-
erabfy and finally young fellow about
town ran her up $500. l wanted to keep
her, but didn't care to pay that figure
to do it, SO l let her go. AS luck would
not make good within the specified
time, so she was brought out and Of
fered again. just before the auctioneer
mounted the rostrum l went to him and
Informed him that l owned the mare and
did not care to let her 20, limiting that
he need not dwell too long in calling
her off,"
''If I'd a knowed you owned her,
Mr.. X, I'd a fixed it last time,
but wait till you see me do
the business now," said he, with
an air that convinced me that every
thing would go all right. Now. gentle
mep," said he, ''hers's filly by Great
Tom, out of one of the most no-aceount
| mares that ever dropped foal at Belle
Meade. She's entered to be sold for
$500, but If you take good look at that
nigh foreleg you'll see She's liable TO go
down any minute, and everybody here
knows that to carry more'n ninety
pounds breaks her heart, Anyhow.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
ENGLISH BLOOD IN AMERICA.
Galopin's Progeny Selling for
Fabulous Prices.


The appreciation in which English
blood is held in this country, and es-
pecially. the blood of Galopin. sire
of Donovan, has recently been empha-
sized i'll two instances. One was the
sale of Galore for $4,000, and the other
is the announcement made by James 3.
Clay, of the Iroquois stud. Lexington,
KY. that the book of forty mares at
500 each to imported King Galop is al
ready full for the season of 1891, and
not only full, but that many applica-
tions for service nave of necessity been
refused, as the terms under which the
promising young sire was leased limit
the number to forty. AS Wynham
Walden has charge of the horse
interests of the Messrs. Morris. 1t was
naturally presumed that when Galore
was bought at the Ferncliff sale by Mr..
Walden he was acting for those gentle
men, but it now appears that the pur-
chase was for himself. While on the
paternal side King GalOp and Galore
are bred alike, the maternal branches
are different. Galore is bred like Gall
lard, both being out of Macaroni mares,
while King Galop is on the same lines
out of mares by King Tom. King Ga,op
has the advantage in this respect, as ST.
Simon is the leading English sire of the
day, his book being full two years in
advance at S1,350. This is very large
fee, but as the sire of SemoIina, Signo-
rina, Memoir, ST. Serf and other brill
liant lights of the British turf, he readily
commands it without its being conSid-
cred eXorbitant.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
SEVEN RACES SCHEDULED.
Elizabeth Offers a Big Gard for
To-Day

ELIZABETH. N. j., Nov. 9.-Seven
races are on the card for Monday. Fol-
lowing are the entries and weights:
First race, three quarters Of a mile-Moc.
1O3; Guildora, los; Rheingold, 100; Fore,
runner, 100; Lepanto, 100; Zed. 100: Judge
Post, 100; Carielanus, 100; Landscape, 100
Second race, mile and q quarter-Riley.
,n; I2o; Senorisa. ITO; Badge. 11o; Come 10
Raymond g, 100; Nevada. 100; LavinIa
Belle, 100; Salute, go; Flood Tide, 90. :
Third race, three-quaaters of a mile-Srr
John, liz; Lady Jane colt, liz; Bowery,i
l12; Prince James. 112: DR.. Helmuth, III;
The Sheriff, 112; Kyrle B, liz; Ballyhoo'.
109; Veronica. l09. :
Fourth race, five furlengs, selling-En.
90 dora, 30; Hydra, 95; Pisa iily. 95; Irene II.
110: Latina, 101; King Alta, log; Cascade
9S: Bush Bolt 102.
Filth race, five furlongs, selling-Mr Sass
SO; Tom Moore; 9S; Marigeld, 95; Ella T.
Sense, los; Bonnie Blue filly. LOG: Ada
Gheatham colt, 10ui Nellie Peyton filly, los;
Hannibal, LOG.
Sixth race, three-quarters Of mile-King-
stock, l22; CraeksmaD, 122; Fustie, 122;
Longtime, 112; Pirate. liz; Carnot 1l2:
Stonington, lI2; Santa Fe, liz; Not Guilty,
l12; Repeater, 112; Bill Barnes, 112; ST.
lent, liz; vardee, 112; Fernwood, 107;
F5ampeau, 1oI; Wlnona, l09; Little Addie,
jo1.' NV A' -0'' A'A'1 MY ioa' Mischief
Seventh race. mile and sixteenth, selling
-Wllfred. III; Quotation, 80; Jack Rose
l0si Kemplaand, 104; Little Jim, 1o4; Mar,
tin Russell. 104; Count Luna, 92; Ernest
80; Glenmound, 102; Lynn, l02; Thodo,
sius, lo2; Flood TIDE, v2; Pearl Set 90, I,y-
sander III; Eric, liz, Raymond, SO.
Selections: First race. 1epanto and West
chester; SECOND race, Riley and Layina
Belief third race, Balfyhoo and Primes
james; fourth race Bushbolt and Pisa civ,
fifth race, st. Patrick and Ella +; sixth race
gfaegss4man ma ana Little Addiei seyepth, racei
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
Hot Water in Shaving.

New York Sun.
The efficacy Of hot water In shaving
Is more fully appreciated by the people
of that remarkably advanced country.
Japan. than in the younger civilizations
of the West. Japanese BARRIERS shave
nearly all the exposed surfaces of a
mans head. They shave the ears, the
outside and inside of the nose, the eye
brows and portion of the scalp. The
victim sits on a very low stool, while
the barber perches on a higher stool
and takes his customers head between
his knees. Then he seizes very small
razor. dips it into hot water, and begins
his work. 1t Is no light performance to
shave a Japanese gentleman. No lather
is used, but keen edge is kept con-
stantly on the razor by dipping it into
hot water once or twice during the op-
Grafton. Men who shave themselves
will find that hot water will put bet
ter edge on their razors than any strop
eyer invented.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
NAsHvILLE's OFFERING.
Five Races With Fair Fields on
TO-day's Card.

NASHVILLE, Tenn, Nov. 9.-Follow-
ing are the entries and weights for
Mondays races:
First race, four furlongs, selling Major
Hughes. 97; Bob McCart, 10l; Muckahi,
l04; Silver Light, LOG; Clark, 113.
Second race, six furlongs, selling
Delaney. los; Ida l.. l06; Event, lU7; !;
Madolin, los; Little Crete, ILL., Bertha
1l3; Pantalette, 113; Pullman. Ia;
Third race. eleven-sixteenths. non-winners
this year--vanity, 109; Alarm Bell, 109;
Malaccn, 100: Frank Shaw, 1l2; Jere Bax-
ter. liz; Sullross. ll2; Lord Tom Himyar,
4 Fourth race, thirteen-sixteenths - Harry
Weldon, 1922 Red Fox. 1O2; Redcap 1O4 |;
Lncy p. 104; Buckler. 107; Mamie Fonso.
III; Nexator, l12; Miss Leon. Ia; Jubilee,
122: Big Three, 122.
Fifth race five furlongs. selling-Kemp
billiard, 9S; Wyndom. 1O2; Mark S, 1O2
Haramboure, 1O2; Jack of Diamonds, 1902;
Miss Francis, 102; Nettie Kent, IO3; Chica-
go. 1o5: Billy Parker, Jog; Tom Karl, 1872
Selections: First race, Silver Light and
Clark; second race, Little Crete and Jubilee !;
third race, Frank Shaw and Alarm Bell !;
fourth race, VeXator and Big Three; fifth
race, Harainboure and Tom Karl.
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10

hours hard work that the broken and
crushed form of poor Webb was laid
on mattress in the little tent at the
side of the road. He was still alive. but
died i'll very short time. Every bone
in his body was broken. His mother
had arrived in Las Vegas only a few
days before. and was sent for. A spe-
cial train brought her down in care of
the superintendent, and there were few
dry eyes in that crowd as kind hands
assisted the broken-hearted mother
from the coach and over to the little tent
where lay her only boy.
"MrS. Webber was cared for by the
company, who gave her life annuity.
The boys took up subscription and
placed handsome granite shaft over
poor Weober, who was buried close to
the wreck. After the inquest and
funeral we went back to Las Vegas. and
l took my time. A few mornings after,
this is what saw in the looking glass"
The stranger lifted his hat The hair
on the front of his head was white as
snow, while the rest was jet black.
What became of the caDoose? They
slaked it down to Canon Siding and left
it there and then skipped"
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10

through this department. In conclud-s
ing his report, he says: "A careful re-
view of the events of the past year and
4 general survey of the agricultural
field to-day, betoken marked improve
ment in the condition of our agricultur-
isis and promise well for their future
well being He ends by declaring
that he looks forward with confidence
ITO the time when. in the ligh quality
OF its work, as well as in the magnitude
of its enterprise, agriculture in the
United States shall not only lead all
other Industries in this country. but
shall be the leader, i'll this great indus
try, of all other countries"
St. Paul daily globe., 1890-11-10
SHARPENING A KNIFE.
The Rough Grindstone Is Neces-
sary Only in Very Rare Cases.

St. Louis elobe-Democrat
1t is good deal easier to spoil knife
than to sharpen it. To begin with,
rough stone is used too freely. Unless
knife has very round or ragged edge
it does not want any grinding at all,
and it can be brought into shape far
more rapidly and surely by aid of
milestone and little oil. 1t is no nse
laying the blade flat ON the stone and
rubbing hard; hold the back of the
knife we'll up and sharpen the edge of
the blade only.
If you know how to use it, the back
of a knife makes an excellent steel or
sharpener, but the secret is hard to ac.
quire.