Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-07-17
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.
[Culled from our Exchanges.]
A BUST deyeloper-whisky.


A BUST DEVELOPS whisky.
A CASE for appeal-an orange.
A PEACEFUL revolution turning q
somer-sault
DEER are not the bravest of animals
and yet they always die game.
The Duke and Duchess of Connaught
are coming to visit us. Connaughty
people raise any objection to this?
The "woman's club" craze is giving
considerable currency to the question:
Does your wife carry a night key?"
"WELL," said the rural visitor at New
York, IF that's Cleopatras needle, I'd
like to see some of the stockings she
used to darn"
AMY-There's hole in your stocking
as big as dollar Mabel A gold dol
lar or a silver dollar? Amy-No;
paper dollar.
Mrs. JAYsMITH-Wha are you read
ing, Lou? Miss Jaysmith -Pope's
poems, ma. Mrs. Jaysmith-Are they
the poems Of the present pope or the
last?
WIFE-Why couldn't you have come
home at a decent time of night, say?
Husband Could m'dear, jes easy as
not; but (hic) was waitin fer you t go
t sleep.
"WHY, my dear, you had party
last month. How often do you wish to
entertain your friends?" "This is not
to entertain my friends but to snub my
enemies"
WIFE-If I put one stamp on this
letter, will it get to Philadelphia to-
morrow? Husband Certainly. Wife
And ii put two stamps on it, will it
get there to-day?
Il IS" began Tommy, when his
teacher interrupted him. "That is
wrong; you should say am" "Au
right" said Tommy. II am the, ninth
letter of the alphabet"
BRoNsoN--Wha heavy shower |
1t is raining cats and dcgsl Amy
(quizzically): What kind Of dogs does
it rain, Mr.. Bronson? Bronson-Sky
terriers, probably.
LITTLE JoHNNIE-Nr. Merritt and
sister have new way to make lemon
ade. Mrs How did they do it I?
Little Johnnie-Cora holds the lemon
and Mr.. Merritt squeezes Cora.
SOMETIMES IT Is LATE-Editor Iook
ing at his watch)-The paper has not
gone to press yet What is the mat
ter? Foreman-The nihilists' daily
threat to the Czar hasn't come in yet.
GosLIN-Hello, old man! how are
you? haven't seen much of you lately.
Maddox-You have seen more of me
than l have Of you. "How do you make
that out?" "Well, Pm much bigger
than YOU"
MATILDA SNowBALL-I say, Uncle
Nose, whut does yer think OBJ my new
spring suit? Uncle Mose-Folks whut
puts on all de close dey kin git puts me
in mind of sweet pertater patch dat's
all gone ter vine.
AT THE STATIoN-Dearest Laura
don't cry so! If everything else van
ishes, we shall yet have left to us mem
oryl "Ah, dearest Emma, then per-
haps you will remember that I lent you
five dollars two years agol"
Ethel Reddy-Mamma, won't you
please ask DR.. Dorce to look at my lit
tie sick ducklings? Mrs. Reddy-No,
no; run away DIR. Dorce is not bird
doctor. Ethel Reddy-Well, papa said
last night he was a quack doctor.
SMITH-Why is it that when an en-
gagement is broken off return of pres
ents is always asked for on both sides ?
Jones-Pll tell you why. 1t is because
it is expected the presents will come in
handy when another engagement is
made.
WHEN you come to look at it properly
there is nothing strange in the fact that
no citizen of Chicago has ever been
converted to Mormonism. A man who
can't live with one wife six weeks at a
time naturally stands aghast at living
with fifteen or twenty.
A TRAVELLER is about leaving hotel.
"Well, landlord, here's how-d'ye-do; /;
you go and charge me two dollars and a
half for bed, when you know very well
that the house was so full had to
sleep on the billiard table" well, sir,
please look at our rules posted up on
the wall there-'Use OF billiard table %
cents an hour"