The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-10-14

was led to seek matrimonY for the sake
of discovery
Mr.. Kingley (unkindly)-If he did, he
is likely to get more than he bargained
for.
THEIR STOUT FRIEND.
Wanks-What a peculiarly t%aciturn
fellow old Stouty isl
Banks-He is a strange man He
seems to live wholly in himself.
Wanks-Well, goodness knows he has
room enough.
NOT FOR ALE
Sodsmith-Young Bondclip offered her
a yacht and a long cruise every summer
if Miss Fairface would marry him.
McJones-Did she accept?
Sodsmith-No; she said: "Thanks,
but I'm not for sail"
IT DEPENDED ON HERSELF.
Fair AppIicant-And how long do you
think, sir, it will take me to prepare my
self or the stage?
Manager-Taat depends first on your
ability in securing a husba d and then on
your agility in getting a divorce.
IRRIGATlNG HIS EhSAElON.
Mr.. Oldboy-Why do you bring so
much water, Tommy ? [ merely asked
for a drink.
Tommy-I thought you'd need more
than a glassfui, ';ause sister said you was
the dryest old stick she eve knew.
HER FUTURE PLANS.
Bride (after the ceremony How
stupidity our escorts acsed.
Bridegroom-Yes; the groomsmen and
bridesmaids were all very awkward.
Bride decidedly I shall never invite
one of them to a wedding of mine again.
VERY oBLIGING.
"I want to know when you're a-goin'
to pay this here bill. I can't be a runuin'
here every day in the week"
Which day would suit you best?"
Saturday"
"WelI, then, you may come every
Saturday"
AT NEWPORT.
She I hear you are stopping owe at
the pier.
He-Yes, it's very Jolly, you know, if
it is a bit tough.
She-Where are your quarters there 2
He-WelI, most of them have found
their way into the walters pocket.
REToRT IN ANGER.
"You needn't talk about keeping ones
word" said a husband to his wife during
a slight misunderstanding; "when I first
asked you to marry me you declared you
wouldn't marry the best man in the
world"
"Wen, I didn't" snapped the wife,
MOWER, MowERI
"Do you know" said the city boarder
to the farmer landlord, "when that now
ing machine OF yours woke me up this
morning it reminded me of buying and
selling CLANS"
"Gosh! Why ?" asked the landlord.
Because" said the guest, zone is a
WHY 1 INCREASES VALUES.
Eminent Author-Yeu bought a Ms.
from me some ten years ago for $25.
Publlsher-Yes, sir; but we haven't
printed it yet.
Eminent Author-Well, let me have it
back and I'll give you a hundred. I've
got q reputation now and don't want to
spoil it.
DID THE BEST He COULD.
Magistrate-It seems, prisoner, that
you took fifteen pence from the prosecu-
tors till. Now, I put it to you seriously,
was it worth your while to risk your
character, y ur liberty, your future for
such a trife?
Prisoner-Certainly not, your worship;
but l did not know there was so little in
the till took al there was.
A TIMELY JOB.
Old Gentleman-No, I can give you
no money. I don't like to encourage
~i6leness. Why don't you go to work?
Tramp-It's easy to say that, but it
isn't so easy to get a job. I've been try
ing to get work all the year.
Old Gentleman-What kind of a job
have yot looked for2
Tramp Winding an eight-day clock.
The agency will always keep posted
and buy in the best markets at lowest
prices on the day the order is placed.
W. II. WoRTH. State Agent.