Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-15
A SHOCKING AFFAIR.

THE Ladies' Aid Soci ETY. met at Sister
Green's on Thursday afternoon. The at.
tendance was good. AS luck would have it the
pastors wife had sick headache, SO she
couldn't come. Mrs. Findout had splendid
opportunity to discuss subject that was on
her mind. When she had anything on her
mind it bothered her terribly until she got it
of.
Well she had overheard a conversation be-
tween her husband and the pastor, and she
thought 1t was a subject for investigation.
Now, I allow, sisters that we'uns ought to
look inter this matter. heerd Pastor Jinkins
declare that he had something shocking in his
study. Said my man: What is it. pastor; a
krutser sonnatterr Said the pastor, No.
says he, and then he lafr, and whispered some.
thing to the deacon, and he laft and winked at
the pastor"
All the sisters dropped their quilting needles
and listened with open-eyed wonder.
"Now, don't know what a sonnatter is. It's
no good, I'll warrant. But it warn'r a SON.
natter. Says I to myself, says I, I'll find out
what that is if I live, and SO will. You uns
can do as you like. but I'm not going to submit
to such goings on.''
A resolution was placed on the minutes, pre-
ceded by preamble declaring that as con-
seryator of morals the pastor should be in
all respects exemplary. Sisters FIndout, Fer
rett and Weasel were appointed committee
to wait on the pastors wife and warn her of
coming danger. If possible they were to gain
admittance to the study and to try and discover
the shocking thing, whatever it might be.
No time like the present, argued Mrs.
Weasel so off the committee went. They were
to report in one hours time.
The PASTORS wife had her head tied up with
a bandage, which emitted the odor of camphor
and vinegar. She looked very sad, and well
she might. thought the committee, with such
husband as she had to live with.
The three ladies each implanted kiss OF
sympathy upon the fevered cheek of the weary
PASTORS wife. They sat in silence few mo-
ments. when Mrs. Flndout began to shed few
silent tears.
What is the matter, Sister Findoutf" gently
inquired Mrs. Jinkins.
Nothing but tears. The whole committee
shed them.
"Oh. do tell me. Surely nothing has hap
pened to my husband? What is the matterf
Speak, at once"
"Ah, poor dear" began Mrs. Findout. 1--WE
air appinted committee to see you about
matter that affects US all. You hev our SYM
pathy Mrs. Jinkins. Am I not right. sisters'
know we all feel for her."
Certainly we do,' replied the others In
chorus.
"That which affects pastors life affects his
flock. When the shepherd goes astray the
sheep are very apt to follow. Guess I'm right,
sisters?"
"Most certainly" they replied.
Zone cannot see ones pastor dragged down
into the bottom of the bottomless pit of temp
tation and stand idly by with folded hands and
see him and his family disgraced and humili-
ated, to say nothing of the cause he represents.
1t wouldn't be right, Sister Jinkins."
mo, indeed. but why this suspensef oh! do
tell me. What has happened? I must know
at once"
"Wer," said Sister Findout ito make long
story short, my man and your'n were talking
tother day, and your'n said to mine. says he,
I've something shocking in my study Says
my man to your'n. is 1t sonnatterr NO.
says your'n, and then he whispered something
to my man. and they both laft."
During this recital Mrs. Jinkins turned first
ashy white and then deep crimson. There
were tears in her eyes, and there was laughter
around her mouth. AS she wiped tear away
from one eve, smile crept in its place, and it
was game of hide and seek between them.
The committee looked at each other, crossed
their hands and hunted for their cambrics.
Poor thingr'
Follow me-" said the pastors wife, as
she led the way upstairs into the pastors
kerchiefs, Strengthened out their aprons and
followed. No need to describe the preachers
study He was kind of genius, fond of ex-
periments of a scientific character. Among
other things he had chair SO arranged that
when anybody sat down IN it and placed their
hands upon the arms an electric current was
formed which gave quite shock to the slit er.
Take seat Sister Findout. You will find
this comfortable chair"
YEARLY the chairwoman of the committee
took her seat. No sooner had she done SO than
she sprang from it, upsetting Mrs. Weasel and
Mrs. Ferrett, both of whom were ladies of con-
siderable dimensions in circumference and
perpendicularity.
"Oh, merciful heavens, what's the matter?'
moaned Mrs. Weasel.
Mrs. Ferrett was trying to recover her
breath, of which Mrs. Flndout had deprived
her when she made her sudden spring. The
pastors wife went into the adjoining room
osrensibly to moisten her headache bandage,
but really to toss herself upon her bed, in fear
of apoplexy from suppressed laughter.
No one but the members OF that committee
ever discovered the truth, and they came to the
conclusion that the flock ought not to mistrust
countenance any idle gossip about the pastor
again. On motion the preamble and resolu.
tions were expunged from the minutes by
mutual consent
THE RoBBER FALL.
THE clouds were pitiful--they wept
To see the flowers fade;
Their tears fell freely as they swept
fv ola do