Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
Don't Believe Me.
JOHN 7. BLACK,
Professor of Psychology.

:........-...............-..
Something original about that surely, and
what on earth was Psychology? Rare Ben
Jonson, fortunate man, who knew, as the
LAWYERS say, "of his own knowledge" that
Bacon wasn't Shakespeare, or Shakespeare
Bacon, attributed to that gentleman a
knowledge of but little Greek. 1 can
scarcely form an estimate of his opinion of a
man, who did not recognize the Greek word
"pseudos" a lie.
But the reverse of the card told the whole
story:
PRESS NOTICES.
Trust him not, he is fooling thee.-Nec
York Mirror.
He lies like truth.-St. Louis Globe-Den.-
ocydt
To him truth is far stranger than fiction.
Boston Transcript.
As an 1S-carat liar he takes the beanery.
Chicago NetDS.
After once hearing him we lost all re-
spect for Ananiss.-Ptilddelphi Public
Ledger.
To vivid imagination he joins q quiet
contempt for facts which renders him
unique among mankind.-Sdn francisco
CdE
Not content with lying all day in business
he even lies in bed at night.-Detroit Free
Press.
He differs from George Washington in
this particular, that whereas George could
not tell lie, John T. finds it impossible to
tell the truth.-CincinRGti Enquirer.
Further proofs on personal application.
l always loved frank man, and without
estimating the danger l was in, or the warn
ings which his card contained, 1 stepped out
OF the private Office to shake hands with
him, and in moment of good nature as
sented to the price which he asked for his
couplets without giving them more than q
casual glance.
The week had not passed before another
note was handed to me inclosing more
verses from the same hand, the note being
signed John T. Black, the champion liar"
IN. B.-My title is not necessary for pub
lication, but as a guarantee of good faith"
1 was more busy than before, and as he
waited outside for a reply 1 again author
iEed the bookkeeper to accept his terms, and
his verses went into a drawer to keep COM
pany with their predecessors.
When a moment of leisure was reached
the manuscript was taken from its retire.
ment and examined. Every variety of form
and metre was present But my eye caught
the eouplet:
III fares that land, to fastening Ill a prey
Wherein Sapolio is unknown to-day.
ognition of the many difficulties that beset
the England OF the present, in which, alasl
the most useful of American inventions, was
but little known. A little further on came
these lines:
EUREKAl
"Oh, wad some power the giftie gle rs
To see oorsels as Ithers see us"
That power, which Bobby Burns would know,
is furnished in Sapolio.
For used on pewter, brass or delf,
Like others-you can see yourself
On the impulse of the moment note was
hastily written, telling the Professor that al
though be had been paid his own price, we
felt in honor bound to double the compensa-
tion, since We found that we had received |
twice as desirable matter as we had sup
posed.
This act of conscientiousness sealed my
fate for letters came thick and fast inclos- |
ing "a few samples of how the muse amuses
itself with me-" one of which read ss fol- |
lows:
BOBBY AND MARY JANE.
The policeman crept quietly into the kitchen
To court on the sly Mary Jane, SO bewitching,
But was startled to view, on all sides around |
Other policemen, who seemed to surround him, |
But be very soon found it was but his rsnec- |
In the pots ana the pans polished up to perfec-
tion,
And the servant explained how she had made |
such q show
BY the everyday use Of SAPOLIo.
The accompanying note said: ST hsve q |
22-carat sketch of this advertisement under |
way, and will haul the artist and his picter
round tomorrow. He gives me points in
lving-beware. / am lowering round the |
stage door Of your show for a reply. Yours,
JOHN T. BLACK"
fhe cash was forthcoming, and l had
added another link to the chain OF my cap
tiVity.
After this the deluge. Sonnets, couplets,
wise sayings, and many foolish ones, tum-
bled down in perfect avalanche. The old
chestnut that ''The spots on the sun were
washed q year ago, but came of quickly
with Sapolio, t" somewhat altered our humor,
and would hav. ended our intercourse had
I not read further down this ludicrous
idea: THE leopard cannot change his spots,
we know, but he can move them with
Sapolio."
We collectively had an interview in
which we assured the Professor that we
were not running a comic paper. We offered
him letter of introduction to the Detroit
Free Press at its London Office. He declared
that he would never do 90 any more, and re-
ferFed to his card and his correspondence -