The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1890-08-31

excused him and attended 10 the log nm
self. concluding with this:
"Thc mate has been drunk all day.
Next day the mate was on deck and re-
sumcd his duties. Looking AT the log he
discovered the entry the captain had made
and venturcd 10 demonstrate with his supe-
rior.
"What was the need, sir" nc asked, "oi
putting that down on the iOgY'
Wasn't il true?r asked the captain.
eyes. sir; but il dosen't seem necessary
o enter il on the log
"Well." said the Captain, "since IL was
true. it had better stand; it had better
stsnd."
The next day the Captain had occasion 70
look at the log and at the end OF the entry
which the mate had made was found TINS
item:
The Captain has been sober all day"
The Captain summoned the mate ana
numbered: "W hat did YOU mean by put
ting down that oniryy Am ! not SOBER
every diyy
Yes, Sir; but wasn't it trueW
"Nhy. of course il was true,'
"Wel. then. sir" said the mate, 'since II
was true. think il had better stand; IT had
better stand. Travellers Record.
selected short Laughs.
How human that instrument is re-
marked Gale at the amateur musicale.
Sc DO YOU notice how il throbs and sighsI
Its strains" You're right; il does"
assentcd Jack POtt, as ne watched a muscu-
lar young woman pound the keys out oil
shape. " It's = wonder 10 me il doesn't bust
a blood yessel''-Dry Goods hronicle.
lie attained the proud title Of Mr..
And she pledged 10 be more than ST.
80 they stood al the altar.
And ne'cr did he falter
When ne bent DER and sulemnly kr.
Buffalo Express.
P0et-Id like 10 write for your paper, sir.
EdtOr-Oh, yOu needn't 90 10 that trouble:
just leave ST., the subscription price, ana
Wen send it to yOu.-Detroit Free Press.
81 See" ne observed, walking into The
sanctum, 'that YOU need the services OF a
leader writer on your editorial column
THAT position has been filed. sir" was the
reply He sighed. 81 notice, also" he
went on. that you advertise for person 10
address envelopes. Is that position still
openyr at is, sir" "Ihen III take it,
Puck.
Harry docking over manuscripD-Nou
don't expect any editor will accept such
stuff Is that, do YOU: Jack certainly not.
10 has been refused by seven already.
Harry Thy under the sun do YOU keep ON
sending il round? Jack-l'm trying to dis
cover in how many ways thing can be
declined. Harry WHAT fOry
Jack / promised 10 90 with lmogene to the
dinner Of the Mystic Cooking Club.-Liie.
Photographer to Young lady.-There is
no need 0f:clling YOU olook pleasant. miss
such face cannot be otherwise than pleas
ant. Young lady (graciOusly.- Will take
two dozen, sir, instead Of one dozen.-Bos-
ton Courier
81 feel, said the young man to her father,
'that existence without your daughter
would Dee only a droary task, whose COM
plction could not come To soon Every
we'll" said the old gentleman, take her,
and presently you'll feel the same way, only
more so.'-W Washington Post.
First Boy Go second boy. who has been
hshing) Catch anything: Second Boy
/ haven't been home yet Brooklyn lAfe.
"I'm going 70 sue him for money dam
ages. too" said the policeman. after he had
sworn to the charge of the prisoners stand
ing al the corner. ''What fOri" asked the
"What fory Why, for the
price of my club. Didn't | break it over
his head when ! arrested himE'-Philadcl-
phia Times.
Bessie one OF the horrid papers has sent
an artist and a reporter here tO write up the
bathing scenes. think they are over there
on that sand bank. Jennie How scan
dalOus. let us 20 over where they are and
sit down. Minneapolis Journal
Wife Why. Thomas, You said YOU would
De- home at @ O'Clock. and here il j, after 3.
Thomas Easy 'nOugh 'spained, my dear.
| rode zap on (hic) 'lcctrc-car, an (hic)
leclricity stopped my watch.-TcNas siit-
iugs.
Marriage may not Doe a failure. but there
are lots of Mrs. made in matrimony.
Chicagoan-"Ihis is my home: beautiful.
isn't it; Built with the products Of my
penn" Visitor Then YOU are a writer
Cmcagoan-"No.S deed; ] am pork mer-
chant"
4 llindoo has reduced laziness 10 a fine
art. lie says: at is bcttertO walk than 10
run. better 10 stand than TO walk, better to
sit than to stand. and better 70 lie down
than 10 sit
"But ] can't marry YOU, Charlie she
said sadly. Don't say that. darling: Oh
don't say that Why can't YOU - BE
cause. Charlie. / am neither a minister nor
a magistrate. and have no authority
Then the soul of Charlie was quoted, and
great light sh0ne round about him.
The passengers in a train were annoyed
by the imprisoned strains Of an infant
which would not be cOmt0rted. The endu-
rance of youth of weak nerves was finally
overcome. and, leaning over the back of his
seat. ne inquired Of the mother Of the little
darling: "HOw old should child be before
il can Ice taught to keep its mouth shut
'l Dung man" replied the irate dame, you
should ash your own mother that ques-
ton"