San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1890-03-06


sumed briskness of manner dropped into
the mental deShGbiUc that we wear for
our own private use and comfort. Those
two had always so much to say to each
other that was sure of at least half an
hours solitude, and in some moods self
is the finest company. Yes, l had de-
strOyed my boats, and now my motto
must be "FOrwardr' This afternoon |
had pledged myself to a new service-a
service of seIf-renuncation and patient
labor. undertaken under the ir6uence of
love to our Great Master and in the effort
10 follow His eXample-yes, | dare to say
it-with the double desire, viz, of doing
as much good as lay in my power, and
also for the welfare of the large sisterhoOd
of waiting and working women. A ser
want? No, a soldier: for | should be one
among the vanguard. who strive to make
a breach in the great fortress of cOnven-
tionality. Not that | feared the word
service, considering what Divine lips had
said on that subject-"I am among you
as one who serveth''-but knew how the
world shrunk from such terms
| have always maintained that half the
sO-Called difficulties of life consist mainly
in our dread of other peoples opinions;
women are especially trammeled by this
bondage. They breathe the atmosphere
of their own special world. and the chill
wind of popular opinion blows cOldly over
them; like the sensitive plant, they shiver
and wther up at touch. | believe the
master minds that achieve great things
have created their own atmosphere, else
how can they appear so imperviOus to
criticism How can they carry them
selves so calmly, when their cOntempOr
aries are sneering round them? We must
live above ourselves and each other; there
is no other way of getting rid of the
shams and DISCUSSES of life; and yet how
is one who has been born in slavery to be
absolutely true? How is an English gem
tlewoman to shake off the preiudices of
caste and declare herself free?
Ah well, this was the enigma | had set
myself to solve. And now the old life
the protected girls life-was receding
from me; the old guards, the old land
marks were to be rem we'd by my own
hands. Should live to repent my rash
act, as Aunt Agatha predicted, or should
| at some future time, when looked back
upon this wintry day, thank God, humbly
and with tears of gratitude, that in hum
BILE trust and in dependence upon his spirit
for guidance had courage given me to
see the right and do it, dd tHCm fdCIi&,
faithful to the last?
found those last few days of home life
"ingularly trying. Indeed, am not sure
that was not distinctly grateful when
the final evening arrived. When one has
to perform painful duty there is no use
IN lingering over it; and when one is Sc
cretly troubled, a spoken and too disCur-
sive sympathy only irritates our mental
membrane. How could Job, for example,
tolerate the sackClOth and ashes, and,
worse still. the Combatve eloquence of his
friends?
Aunt Agatha's pathetic looks and pity
ing words fretted me to the verge of en-
duranCe. | wished she would have been
less mindful of my comforts, that she
would not have insisted on helping me
with my sewing, and loading me with lit
tie surprises in the shape of gifts. But
for the bitter cold that kept me an I'M
willing prisoner by the tireside, | would
have escaped into my own room, to avoid
the looks that seemed to follow me every
where.
But | would not yield to my inward ir-
ritability; | hummed a tune; | even sung
to myself, as | hemmed my new bib
aprons, or quilted the neat border for nv
cap. Nay, | became reckleSsly gay the
last night, and dressed myself in what [
termed my nurses uniform, Il dark navy
blue cambria, and then went down to
show myself to Uncle Keith, who was
reading aloud the paper to Aunt Agatha.
! COulG sec him start as | entered; but
Aunt Agatha first words made me blush,
and in Il moment repented my misplaced
spirit of fun
"Why, Merle, how pretty you Look!
Does not the child look almost pretty,
Ezra, though that cap does hide her nice
smooth hair? | had no idea that dress
would be so becoming" But the rest of
Aunt Agatha's speech was lost upon me,
for ran out of the room Why, they
seemed actually to believe that I was
play-acting, that my part was becoming
one Pretty, indeed And here such a
strange revulsion of feeling took posses
sion of me that absolutely shed a few
tears, though none but myself was witness
to this humiliating fact.
did not go downstairs for long time
after that and then, to my relief, found
Uncle Keith alone; for men are less sharp
in some matters than women. and he
would never find out that had been cry
ing, as Aunt Agatha would; but 1 was
little taken aback when he put down his
paper. and asked in kind voice. why |
had stayed so long in the cold, and if had
not finished my packing
"Oh, yes" returned, promptly, every
thing was done, and my trunk was only
waiting to be strapped down"