Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-04-28
The best thing out-a big fire.


Humbled, indeed, down into the dust.
The best thing out-a big fire.
The laundryman is every mans bosom
friend.
Favorite song of milkmen-"Shall we
Gather at the River?"
Love may be blind, but he knows when
the parlor lamp is too high.
A strange effect of some wills is that
when they are read the heirs become blue.
Cats are the poets of the lower animals.
They alone indulge in the news.
Texas debating society recently had
a subject: s'Is it proper to sound the in
A flow of natural gas has been discov-
cred near Chicago. To those that have
shall be given.
Where does this Judge Lynch we hear
so much about live? Oh, he hangs about
all over the West.
woman's idea of true friend is one
who will admire her children just as much
as she does herself.
Jones-Say, Browne, why do you call
your eldest boy Telephone? Brownie
cause he never works.
1t is the man who orders a room on the
top floor that takes up the most room in
writing his name on the hotel register.
The revolution in Brazil will make cof-
fee scarce, but the abundant Glove crop
will serve to help out between the acts.
George Washington was worth nearly
million dollars, yet he wasn't able to
buy two-cent postage stamp with his
portrait on it.
''It is strange that the fatter a man
gets the more inclined he is to lean, ," said
big Broadway policeman as he braced
himself against lamp post.
There probably never was an old bach
elor who did not think that some woman
somewhere in the world was missing a
mighty good thing.
Dobbs-I see by the dictionary that
chaste means honest. Hobbs - Then
Brown must be honest. He was chased
oil thC "og W SdAdOl ny OilO pOlAOS'
Why love, what do you mean by eating
breakfast with your trousers turned up?
1t isn't raining. r.YOuDghusband-
dear, but the coffee looks awfully muddy.
The unfitness of some women to make
a contract has been Illustrated in Harris
burg. OF two wives who agreed to sui
eide together, one failed and the other
backed out.
He-WhY do you break the engage
ment? She-Because pas dog bit you last
night, and 1 would not run the risk OF
bringing hydrophobia into the family for
the whole world.
There seems to be a great need of tenn
perance legislation in the South. Even
the Mississippi got very full this spring
and broke up several levees which that
locality was holding.
Joseph Cook says that mans life means
tender teens, teachable twenties, tireless
thirties, busy forties, forceful ffties, Sc
rious sixties, sacred seventies, aching
eighties breath, death, the
sod.
'What is it, little girl?" said a Harlem
grocer to a tive-year-Old miss, as he lean
ed over the counter. Little girl 'Mam
ma sent me for lamp chimney, and she
says she hopes it will be as strong as The
last butter you sent US"
II trust your late husband had some
thing laid up for rainy day, said sym
pathizing friend. Indeed he had!" re
piled the widow, with a gush of tears
''He had seven umbrellas. John was til,
thriftiest man / ever knew"
Lawyer-Do you understand the natur
of an oath? Colored witness-Sah? Law
oath / saYT Colored witness Impressive
ly)-Sah, have druv mules in Louisonn,
for nigh on to forty year.
Teacher Ito u class in arithmetic)-
John goes marketing. He buys two an,
quarter pounds of sugar ut eleven cent
apound, two dozen eggs, and u gallo
and half of milk at twenty cents gal
Ion. What does it make! Small boy (hug
ging himself ecstatically)
Doctor (entering the room of an agu
palient) have you taken the medt
cine | left? Patient-Not yet, doctor
Doctor-How's that? Patient-Why, al
only following instructions on the bottle
"6hake well before taking" and haven
anished shaking yet.