The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-10-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Parts unknown-On bald head
TeJaS Sitiags.
If the boys do not kiss the misses, then
the girls will miss the kisses Bingham
ton Leader.
Americans want no King, but on hot
day they like to have the clouds rain over
them. - Columbus Dispatch.
A Texas debating society recently had
for a subject, "Is it proper to sound the
I in orga"-7'eras Sittiags.
Tramp-"Say, mum, your dog bit
me-" Lady-"Well, never mind, I'll
wash his mouth. ."-Good Ne'os.
Greene-''He can lick you, can't he7"
Bryton-"He2 Why, he couldn't wake
me up in fifteen minutes with club!'--
Chatter.
Mrs. Youngwife-''Did you ever try
any of my biscuits, Judgc!" Judge
''No, l never did but dare say they de-
serve it,
Two periods.-Beforo marriage:
"Why so pensive, dearest" After mar
riage-"Why so expensive, Mrs. Jones"
-Btciet.
Debtor-''I want to pay that little
bill of yours" Creditor-"All right,
my dear boy" Debtor-"But l can't"
Beacon.
"Give every man his dew, remarked
the nocturnal atmosphere as it soaked the
tattered garmentso of the tramp VASE
iHgton Hdtchet.
"They say fogs are detrimental TO to-
matoes." "They are. 1 had about eight
bushels of them stolen one foggy night
by tramps. "-Basar.
Mr.. Borrowit-'I wish you would
help me out little to-day" Mr. Busy
-"With pleasure. I'll hold open the
door. "-Neo York Weekly.
Citizen (agitatcdly)-"What, writ
for met Why, God bless u.s." Consta-
bic (stolidlyl-"Nop. Wrong. again.
Mandamus. ."--Americaa Grocer.
81 don't mind the pitfalls of life" :" he
said, as he rubbed his head ruefully and
picked himself up, "but these banana
skin falls II kill me yet. "-Basar.
Whether Miss Willing, of Philadel,
phia, is to marry Millionaire John Jacob
Astor or not, there is many another Miss
willing Louisville Couier-Jo Journal.
He only shaved clean once a week,
And when he died his widow bought
A cactus plant and kissed it oft;
Thus was he to her mem'ry brought
philadelphia Times.
Blobson-'Poor Mrs. Tufstake Do
you know how she happened to lose all
her money! Dumpsey -''Yes; she took
three lawyers in to board. "-Burlingtoa
! Free Press.
He (at the baseball game)-"Do you
know what 'mufI' is, sweet2' She
! Cblushing)-."Why, of course do. 1t
is something your hands can meet in. -
Burlington Free Press.
Visitor to prisoneD brought
you herel" Prisoner-''NIispla con
fidence." Visitor-"How was thati"
! Prisoner-t'I thought l could run faster
than could. ."-Bqciet.
"Yom circus doesn't seem to be par
ticularly attractive this year." remarked
a visitor. "No," replied the manager,
''But you ought to see my advance adj
yertising car. "-Ne0 York Sun.
Johnny-'Please, pa, let me have
quarter to give to poor lame man." Pa
-"Who is the poor man lame man,
Johnny3" johnny "Er-well, pa he's
the ticket-seller down at the circus. -
West Shore
Stout Old Lady Ito druggists boy
"Boy, dye keep preparation for reduo-
inc 'yeightm Boy-''Yes'm. Stout Old
Lady-'Well, l don't know exactly how
much | ought to get" Boy (diagno-
singly)-"Better take all we've got,
ma am"
Reggar-"Ach, my dear madam, can
you not give me a pair of old bootsf'
Lady-"Why, those you have on arc
quite new yet" Beggar Gn whining
voice)-"That's just it; the horrd things
ruin my business. ."-Das HUm0riStiscte
Deutschland.
A lecturer once prefaced his discourse
on the rhinoceros with; 81 must beg
YOU to give me your undivided attention.
Indeed, it is absolutely impossible that
YOU can form a true idea of the hideons
animal of which we are about to speak
unless you keep your eyes fixed on me. D
-Nst0 Y0Fk Ntios.
Teacher" Bobby Swapples, what is o
quadruped}n Bobby-"A qladruped is
an animal with four legs Teacher
"Right; now give me an example of a
quadruped." ." Bobby-''A horse. - Teach
er-"Right; can you give me another
example" Bobby enlightened after
much thought" Another horse -
NJeStey.