davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05
Senator Blackburn's Nightmare.

Joe Blackburn has been reelected
to the United States Senate. While
he was out in the state visiting the leg
islators he arrived one evening at a
small village with only one hotel. II
was a railroad town and most Of the
rooms in the hotel were occupied by
railroad men. There was only one
vacant apartment, and that was to be
occupied by an engineer who might
come at any time. Blackburn was
tired and sleepy, and said he would
occupy the room and take the chances.
Some time in the night the Senator
was awakened by the thrusting Of a
bright lantern into his face. Some
body seized him by the shoulders, gave
him tremendous shake, and a coarse
gruF voice exclaimed:
"Get up Lanky you've got to go
out on No. 8. Skinny's already gone
on No. Z, and the order is for you to
follow. Shorty's goin' to make the
power for you, and Sandy Jim is goiD'
to do the 6gurin' in the back end"
AS such language was strange to the
Senator he concluded it must be a
nightmare, turned over, and was drop
ping off to sleep again when he was
shaken two or three times, dragged
out of bed and dropped OH the floor.
mo you don't" exclaimed the in
truder, that won'twash, Lanky. I'm
not going to lose my job for you. If
/ leave you here you'll go back to bed,
thinking you'll only snooze minute,
and of course you'll get left. Then
they'll fire me for not calling you.
No there amt no use to kick. Put
ON your clothes and come on. hear
old No. 0 growing now. Hurry upl"
"What in - do you suppose l
know or care about No. 81" exclaim-
ed the Senator.
"What are you giving me ?" ex-
claimed the intruder. "Pve had 'em
tell me that before when they were
sleepy and didn't want to CO."
Then the night watchman, for it was
he, and he had taken the Senator for
the engineer, whom he was to awake,
thrust the lantern into Mr.. Black
burns face. He recognized his mis-
take and knew the Senator, and was
for moment aghast. He quickly re-
covered himself and said:
"The only apology have to offer
is this"
AS he spoke he pulled out a small
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05
The Sleeping Car.

Wouldyou sleepin your bed at home
if it was about as wide as a coffin, and
seven feet from the floor and twenty
two inches from the ceiling, with pill
lows twenty-eight inches square and
blanket of two-inch felt, and somebody
shook and swung the bed all night,
and atintervals freight train, blowing
whistle and ringing bell, ran
through the hall and jumped down
stairs, and once or twice in the night
they pulled your house out of the lot
and jammed it up against another
house, and just as you got calmed
down, truck inspector should come
under your window and yell "Try your
air!" and then some men should
crawl under the house and hammer
and pound and wrench at the joists
for twenty minutes, and the engineer
should "try his air" again, and the
men under the house should yell
"Whoop~ and the man under your
window should yell "Whoop
Whoo-peel shut her of, Bill"
and then your house should groan
and grunt and bump, and then
go roaring and whirling off down-street
thirty-five or forty miles an hour?
Could you sleep? Well, that's sleep
ing car slumber, to me. Andyou don't
like to occupy room with any one
else, do you? / don't too. Well, now
suppose you had long narrow room,
with twenty-four beds in it and thirty
or thirty-five people sleeping in them !;
thirty or thirty-fve pairs of boots and
shoes-all sorts Of boots and shoes, too
standing around the room not less
than twenty snorers in the orchestra?
Well, that's sleeping-car slumber. 1t
beats sitting up all night all to pieces
But it isn't luxury; and it isn't COM
fort. 1t costs like it, and | must say
it's worth the price, but it isn't COM
fort. It's merely protection against
greater discomfort. In times of siege
and famine, men have paid $50 for a
rat and have eaten it greedily. But
that wasn't because rats were even then
considered luxures it was because it
was rat or nothing. When the un-
grateful man got back to porterhouse
steak again, he let the cats have the
rats. You may talk about Luxurious
palaces of princely comfort,"-as the
man with a pass is apt to do,-but |
maintain that sleeping in one not very
large room, with thirty-6ve people,
thirty-fve snores, thirty-fve breaths,
and seventy secondhand boots and
shoes, is not luxury and whatever the
man with the pass may say, | don't
believe that kings and princes who
live in real palaces sleep forty in a
bedroom, boots, breath, feet, and all.
True, / have never been abroad, and
can't say how kings may live; but be-
lieve they have more room and fewer
bedfellows than that.-R. j. Burdette
in Brooklyn Eagle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Senator Vance, of North Carolina,
lost his hat the other day. He came
out Of the senate cloak-room bare
headed, with his overcoat on his arm
and paraded the corridors asking ev-
cry one he met if he had seen tall
hat straying about anywhere. He
was asking the question of Captain
May, the doorkeeper at the lobby
door, when page came up with the
missing article in his hand. Senator
Vance was just saying:
"Of course l don't think you have
seen it, you know, but / was just ask
ing, like the man who came into my
office once when | was governor of
North Carolina. He was a trampish-
looking fellow, and his clothing was
worn and seedy. He looked carefully
around the room and then said:
"'Governor, you amt seen nothing
of pair of boots around here, have
you? l left 'em in that corner last
night and they amt there this morn
ing
81 answered that l had not seen the
boots.
"I knew some thief had stolen
them,' said the unknown. OF course
l knowed it wasn't you, but just
thought I'd ask. '"-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

81 regret to say SO, Mr.. Scadhun-
ter" said the secretary Of the Bar
Harbor Tennis club to one of our
most promissory young society men,
"that ] can not consistently indorse
your application for membership"
"Why not ?" gasped the brevet
four-hundreder, turning pale.
ut pains me to tell you," replied
the official sternly, shut the other
night at the opera heard you say
ee.ther instead of ii-ther. Now a man
who would do that would say fancy
instead of 'fahncy,' and thank you
instead of tha-a.a-anks, awfully."
"No, no; not SO bad as that" plead.
ed the round-dancer: 81 remember
the circumstances. 1t was my first
offense. Twas excited-of' my guard,
you see."
"It's not English, you know"
"It shall never occur again. Don't
betray me, I implore you! Remem-
ber, you had no heiress once yourself"
"That's so, be gad," muttered the
self'made man, compassionately.
"Then don't ruin me. Keep my
shameful secret, ! entreat you, and
heaven will reward you. Just at this
time, too, when I've got chance to
lead the german at the Fobwallettes
party next week. If had rich ia
ther to back me, and family influence
| wouldn't mind it so much but, as
it is, my good name is all l have" and
he burst into tears.
And to the credit of our common
humanity be it said, that the secreta-
ry promised to give him a chance to
live it down.-Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

"Did you give that man money p
was asked of a citizen who had Just
parted with a man who walked with
limp.
"l es-a quarter"
"He's chronic beat"
"Well, perhaps"
"But you should discourage such
characters"
"Yes, / know; but when a man
comes up to you, and calls you colon.
Ell, and says he was right behind you
when you charged that battery at An
tietam, how can you go back on him?"
"But you were not at Antietam."
mo"
"You were not colonel
NO"
"You didn't even enlist iu the late
WARP"
"No, and do you suppose I'm 60.
ing to own it up for the sake of saw.
ing quarter? Not much I've got
a half dollar for the first man who
calls me general. Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

She Gas he steals kiss)-Why, you
robber! | shall have you arrested
for larceny from the person.
. lie kissing her once more)-Very
well ! have given it back. If you
make that complaint against me I
shall charge you with receiving stolen
property knowing 1t such.--Lawrence
American.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

pocket flask and handed il to the Sem
ator. The latter took a draught,
smiled affably, said the apology was
sufficient, and went back to slumber.
New York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

A wealthy citizen had been out un-
ill the small hours with convivial com.
panions. and he arrived home slightly
exhilarated. He managed, by de-
scribing several erratic rather than
geometric lines, to get to his bedroom
and into chair. Then he called to
his wife in stage whisper:
81 cant get my boots off,"
"What is the matter with your
boots ?"
"Nozzin," IN faint whisper.
Whats the matter with your hands
then :"
"Nozzin."
"Why don't you pull your boots off,
then? ?"
maria, I've forgot the combina-
ton !"-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Recitation of a class in natural his
tory. The professor is nettled at the
inattention of his pupils, and exclaims:
Gentlemen, l demand your attention.
| am giving you an interesting lecture
on the personal peculiarties of the
monkey. The least you can do is to
look at me" ,"-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Writing poetry has been recon-
mended as mental exercise. You
can get physical exercise by trying
to read it to the editor.-Terre Haute
EXPRESS.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Couldn't find 'em. Jones Cat muse
um)-Here's (hic) vertebrates, an
here's radiates wonder where 'sh
room for (hic) inebriates Harvard
Lampoon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

81 am sorry to say" said sheriff
to young widow, who was handsome,
that | have an attachment for you."
II am happy to say, sir, that it isn't
mutual" she replied.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Boys are not proverbially careful
of their complexion, but we have
known many a youngster to keep
shady to prevent getting tanned
Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Reasonable talk. Burr" said the
chestnut tree, cts pretty cool to-day"
"I'm maple to stand it," said the su-
gar tree. 81 feel pretty spruce" said
the hemlock. "We'll all have to bear
up whatever comes" said the apple
tree, and thus they all scratched their
limbs and laughed until the dog-wood
tree began to bark, and the weeping
willow went into hysterics.--New York
Commercial Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Psychologists say that the older a
man grows the smaller his brain be-
comes. This explains why the old
man knows nothing and the young
one everything.-Boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Sweets to the sweet. Fenwck-
Allow me to congratulate you, Ed.
That young lady of yours has the
sweetest disposition in the world.
Ed-Well, should hope so. 1t
costs me SO week to keep her in con-
fectionery.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

There are two reasons why some
people don't mind their own business.
One is, that they haven't any mind !;
the other, that they haven't any busi-
ess.-Harvard Lampoon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Knew his weakness. At a confec-
tioner's-"Oh, mamma do buy me
some of those lovely motto candies"
"Yes. darling, if you'll divide them
with your little brother"
Certainly. I'll eat the candy and
give him the notices he's awful fond
of reading."-Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

1t makes lawyer purr when any
thing comes to him in the fee line
Yonkers Statesman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

History of strike in the coal re-
gions-mine, miner, minus.-Terre
Haute Express.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Satisfactory. She-"You are very
kind TO invite me to go sleighing, but
did your horse ever run away ?"
He-"Often. You see, ! am care
less about horses, and often let the
reins fall to the bottom of the sleigh
and drive with my feet"
She-"T'll go."-New York Week
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

A saloon is like harbor-most of
the wrecks are to be found outside the
bar.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

A girl appreciates kiss when she
gets old enough to know she ought
not to.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Although they went to school together,
And grew up children side by side,
He never dreamed how much he low
ad har
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

The unpopular minister is apt to
feel as if wrecked on lone barren aisles.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

A friend in need. Postage stamp
-"Pve just been receiving terrible
licking"
Envelope-"Well, stick close to me
and we'll get through all right. >
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05
MIGHIGANCENTRAL!. Al.
"The Niagara Falls Route"
Time Card in Effect.

Daily. Daily except sunday. Purlor car on
day uains and sleeping cars on night trains.
The direct line TO Niagara Falls, Buffalo, New
York, Boston, Toledo, Chicago, Cincinnati and the
South ST. Louis aud the Southwest.
Through tickets to all points III the United States
aud Cantda. steamship tickets sold TO all Euro
pean points, via the Cunard Allan and Hamburg
lines.
j. WHITING, Ticket Agent.
oW. RUGGLEs, G.. p. s. 4. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Until her wealthy uncle died.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

First robber-"Going to rob Bron-
sons house tonight Z"
Second robber-"Naw."
"Why notY'
"Ain't nothing there. Bronson
paid his gas bill yesterday" Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Easily explained. "How is this,
Alfred, l found this corkscrew in one
of your pockets ?"
"Oh, that's all right, mother. They
come with these corkscrew suits, you
know" Time.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05

Missed a good chance. Kind gen.
tleman (picking up boy)-That was
an awful hard fall, my young man,
Why didn't you cry?
Small boy-I didn't know anybody
was looking.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

\ A, MlCH., WEDNEI
WIT AND HUMOR.
The unpopular minister is apt to
feel as if wrecked on lone barren aisles.
-Ex.
A saloon is like harbor-most of
the wrecks are to be found outside the
bar.-Ex.
A girl appreciates kiss when she
gets old enough to know she ought
not Tex.
History of strike in the coal re-
gions-mine, miner, minus.-Terre
Haute Express.
1t makes lawyer purr when any
thing comes to him in the fee line
Yonkers Statesman.
Couldn't find 'em. Jones Cat muse
um)-Here's (hic) vertebrates, an
here's radiates wonder where 'sh
room for (hic) inebriates Harvard
Lampoon.
Writing poetry has been recon-
mended as a mental exercise. You
can get physical exercise by trying
to read it to the editor.-Terre Haute
Express.
Boys are not proverbially careful
of their complexion, but we have
known many a youngster to keep
shady to prevent getting tanned
Boston Transcript.
There are two reasons why some
people don't mind their own business.
One is, that they haven't any mind
the other, that they haven't any busi-
ness.-Harvard Lampoon.
81 am sorry to say" said a sheriff
to young widow, who was handsome,
that | have an attachment for you"
Il am happy to say, sir, that it isn't
she replied.-Ex.
Although they went to school together
And grew up children side by side,
He never dreamed how much he low
ed her
Until her wealthy uncle died.-Ex.
Psychologists say that the older q
man grows the smaller his brain be-
comes. This explains why the old
man knows nothing and the young
one everything.-Boston Courier.
A friend in need. Postage stamp
-"Tve just been receiving Il terrible
licking"
Envelope-"Well, stick close to me
and we'll get through all right. p
Ex.
Easily explained. "How is this
Alfred, l found this corkscrew in one
of your pockets ?"
ooh, that's all right, mother. They
come with these corkscrew suits, you
w."-Time.
Missed a good chance. Kind gen
tleman (picking up boy)-That was
an awful hard fall, my young man
Why didn't you cry?
Small boy-I didn't know anybody
was looking.-Ex.
A well-defned hint. Ethel--George
mother was looking when you kisseC
me last night"
George-"How did she take it,"
"Well, she said she felt satisfied nov
that you meant business. Epoch.
First robber-"Going to rob Bron
sons house tonight :"
Second robber-"Naw."
"Why not?"
"Ain't nothing there. Bronson
paid his gas bill yesterday."-Life.
Sweets to the sweet. Fenwick-
Allow me to congratulate you, Ed
That young lady Of yours has th'
sweetest disposition in the world.
L Il
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-05
Detroit, Bay City & AIpena R.R,

Mail and Accom- Mail and Accom-
Express. mediation Express mediation.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1890-12-23

There is very little to chronicle concern
ing the proceedings at probate court, yes
terdsy. No administrators we're appoint
ed, but the time was taken up with 5 long
hearing on the question Of granting license
to cell to the Administrator Oh the estate of
Louisa NJ. ROBBIE. deceased, Of this city.
The Judge refused TO grant the license.
The wills Of the following were proved, sp-
proved and allowed of Charles Worthsn
Of China; Of Sarah Dudley Of China; and
Of James +. smith Of Gardner.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1890-12-23
STATE HOUSE.

The portraits and pictures that hung
about the rotunda were taken down last
Nay TO protect them from the dast arising
from the work on the new part. Yesterday
they had all been replsced on the wallis.
Notwithstanding the changes this putting
beck Of the pictures gives the old rotunda
an air Of familiarity :hs it haan's worn all
summer The carpets that will be laid be-
fore the converting Of the Ii sislstaYe have
all arrived and the one for the private room
Of the State Treasurer vas being put dos n
yeserdsy afternoon. Any one having bust
ness with the State Treasury goes into the
new offices, fer there the assistants are a,
work With the department Pena;es round
about the m and the old Office Is closed.
There will be q meeting Of the State
House Commission today.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1890-12-23
SUPERIOR COUNT,
December Term. Hon. o. q. Han Pre-
siding.

". s. CuoArz, Clerk.
Z. 7. CAKLETox, Couaty Attorney.
q. 7. STEVENS, Sheriff
Y. A. SMALL, Ssenogrspher.
MONDAY. Dec. I'D
George W. Goodwin vs. City Of Gardner.
FAR and Lynch for plh. A. N. Spear and
A. L. Perry for defu. The Maine Contra.
Railroad Co. are cited In by defts. and ap
pear By their counsel, Baker, Baker and
Cornish. The pits. claim il that on The
nrss day Of January. 1880. he was hauling
pressed hay from Randolph to the Maine
Central freight station in Gardiner AID that
be vas sitting on his load, two bales high,
drawn BY pair Of horses, and driyiag
down the street. leading TO the Kennebec
& Boston Steamboat Co.'S wharf. man
aging with some difficulty his team while
passing down the grade, when he saddenly
discovered. when within about two feet Of
the railroad bridge oyes the road, that tie
spacs between the road bed and bridge va,
insufficient TO allow him TO pass under
safely; tina. j. was too late to jump.
and pursuing his only course. he
thsev himself hack upon the load, and upon
bis stomach AID called to bis horses 70 stop !;
that the bridge frs. struck bin on the legs.
and he was drawn along under ii TO his
shoulders, scrapins bis clothing and skin
from his back and crashing him down 90
thathe vas Injured severely and psfma-
nenily about the back, stomach and shout
der. He claims that he was damaged 10
the injuries to bis person to the extent of
5000. In the afternoon the plff offered
the notice required by the statute to the
municipal officers. The notice in writing
was directed and delivered to the city clerk
Of the 3efs. city on the 18th Of Jan. and
was delivered by him within few dsys to
the city solicitor. Among other things
required by the statute the notice set out
that the plff. received severe bodily ir-
juries." Defendants counsel raised the
point that the notice was not in compliance
with the statute. BECAUSE by
that the plaintiff WAS required
in writing within fourteen days after the
alleged Injury to give notice to zone Of the
municipal officers Of the city who in con
temptation Of law are the aldermen and
mayor also that the statute requires that
ne shall specify in his notice ''ihs nature
of his IN uries, and tns. the notice he had
| received severe bodily ipjaries'' IS insult
Gent The court held that there was an
insufiieiency both ia the notice and is
delivery and ordered non-suit.
John Doran of was sentenced to pay q
fine Of $3.50 on two liquor cases. or eight
months in jail, found in September.
II. NJ. Taught of lfsllowell, was sen
fenced to fine of $500 on two liquor
cases. found in September.
Richard Williams, clerk. was sentenced
to fine of $50 on one liquor case found
at the September term. Frank Peterson
ct al. was sentenced to a fine Of $500 for
two liquor cases found at this term.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1890-12-23
Marrieo.


CUMBERLAND.
Portland-I,cc. Is, John d. Robinson and Miss
Ahbie L. Cook both Of Newport. Me Dec. Is,
Geo. Y. Sironds and Miss Cora Woods.
East North Yarmouth Dec. Il, Fred Oscar
Alien and Miss Florence Emma Marston, both OF
East North Yarmouth.
Portsmouth, n. Dec i, Frank II. Power
OF Portland and Miss N. Nalorc Marphy Of Penn.
ereSe.
Brunswick Dec. is. eeeola ). Ripley and Miss
Rhods D. oiahan-
HANCOCK.
famoine-urc. IL. Robert ". FsFen OF Cherry
hsld and Miss Alma +. " hitisser OF / amoiae.
North oriaud-Dcc. Il, Willie p. Dodge and
Mis- Cora B. Moore.
KNOX.
south Hope-Dec y, William White of MON
and Miss Magala L. Peachy Of Washington
LINCOLN.
Wi.casSet- q. preu +. Sideiiuger of New
castle snd Miss Ietaa +. Carter OF Bremen.
wsshin gton-Dec. T.. Dr. Fred -. Bartlett OF
waidohoro. and Miss E-telle NJ Wright OF Wash.
ing on
fgSoKsNor.
Bsngor-pec. 10, George II. Graham All Miss
Lucinda A. Moulton. both Of Bangor.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1890-12-23
Confirmed.

The favorable impression produced or
the first appearance Of the agreeable liquid
fruit remedy Syrup of Figs few years age
has been more than confirmed by the pleas
ant experience of all who have used ii, and
the success Of the proprietors and manu-
fscturers -the California Fig Syrup Com
many nov24d&w