Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-06-05
SAMANTHY'S WEDDING.
,ony Driggers was a character.

BOny Drlggers was a character.
Nature exhausted herself in adding a
variety of incongruous supplements to his
makeup that were continuous sources of
surprise and dismay to his parents as
they developed, one by one, during his
growth.
His face was study in physiognomy,
from the roots of hay colored hair down
to his narrow, retreating forehead to
where his squint eyes bulged out like twin
beacons set on either side of the base of
the promontory of his circumlocutory
nose.
Beneath the twisted peak of that
snuff1ing appendage yawned mouth that
was protected by a row of yellow, pro-
truding teeth, SO grewsome that they
kept the thin upper lip in perpetual re-
treat.
Poor Bony! His real name was Napoleon
Bonaparte Driggers, which was such q
cruel satire on the looks of the boy that
folks called him Bony, for PHYS sake.
If his face was ugly his figure packed it
up. Stoop shouldered and narrow chested,
his legs were SO crooked that it was said
measuring the cloth for his breeches
More than this, he talked through his
nose and listened-well, he didn't listen
much, for he was as deaf as a post and
nothing short of yell in his good ear
could make him comprehend.
In the same community lived maiden
the dream of Bony Driggers
That was Samanthy Sayback. Tall
and tiresome, she tried to reduce her alti-
tude by curving out her spine and pulling
her thin neck down betwixt her angular
their regularity. Her keen little green
eyes could scarcely discover the tip of her
turnedup nose, and she had practiced a
smirk until her sucker lips were twisted
clear out of line.
Her head was covered with a shock of
brick colored hair, and there were two
colors of freckles on her thin, weasened
cheeks. One sturdy champion remained
of all her front teeth, and that stood out
in an aggressive manner, as if defying
the ravages of time. Against this tusk
rested a snuff brush, in nonchalant,
devil-may-care sort of way, as if it were
constant reminder of the independent
spirit of its bearer.
You might have dropped plumb-line
from the front of her chin to the tips of
her toes and there would have been no
contact between it and her five feet six of
perpendiCularity.
Worst of all. she was near-sighted, and
was consequently kept i'm blissful ignor-
ance OF her makeup, as she could not press
her nose and chin close enough to the
looking-g lass to enable her to see her own
imperfections.
This ho,of,,l oO,,ln fol1 -, Io,-o H.
as THINGS generally go, altogether by con-
trarles In such matters; but on the other
hand, their similitude was only marred by
different styles of uncomeliness.
One would have supposed that in such
an affair as this, if the parties were salts
fed with each other, no one else could pos
sibly have had the heart to complain, but
such was not the case.
Old man Slayback disliked Bony most
heartily, and he said
EFF that blasted youth worrum puts his
foot inside of my door I'll larrup the hide
off n i'm. The idee O my S'manthy bein'
tied up with such a low down pack as that
ere! Wy, I'd see i'm in Pokytaligo
ust!"
In the same neighborhood, but on the
other side of the river lived Squire
WHO WAS an 1nN6Cerdte nSn
erman and mediocre farmer.
He would not have given one hour on
the banks of the Ockolockooochee river, in
red-belly season, for the finest ten-acre
field of corn IN the country
Squire Leatherhead and | were great
cronles, and many's the day we have sat
on the banks of that sluggish stream and
watched our feathered cords floating on
the curling eddies on the wine colored
water, waiting for nibbIe, while the soft
winds crooned a lullaby among the sway
ing boughs of the stalwart pines, and the
red birds fitted from brake to brake like
flash of light Illuminating the somber
surroundings.
One morning in the early part of May
| CHANGED to be at Squire Leatherhead s
home. and after few squints at the sky
he thrust his finger into his mouth, with
drew it, and holding it up half a minute,
remarked:
Il knowed it. Dad burn it, Ye can t
fool me. The wins from the sou west, an ;
the weather's gwinter clear up. I'll bet We
my hat we kin jest rope in the red-bellies
this mornin''
Isn't the river too full?" I asked.
Mo-. | hearn from it yistiddy, an
hits fell foot. Jest the right time
Moons south at 'leben o'clock, AM m
gwine fishin''
What about that piece of grassy
"orn?"
'Oh, ding the corn! I'll marry couple
fore the weeks out, an make 'em pay
me dollar, an that II hire two hands fol
day, an III take them an the ole
amern an youngun, an I'll clean that corn
patch as slick as peas
The result of the argument was
as might have been expected
was longing to try my luck in those
tempting waters. and my argument was
made solely to stimulate the Squire in his
desire.
So gathering up our tackle, after turn.
ing over few slabs in the eelworn bed
and securing nice lot of those miniature
ceptlles that are so irresistible to the taste
OF red-belley; we started away.
By the way, do you know they cultivate
those worms down there? A little Grim
son worm, white stripes around them anG
knot near the middle. and they smell
worse than darkey chopping cotton
but the big. glistening red-bellied percl
loves them better than a baby loves stick
candy. Hook couple of them on small
Limerick brad hook that has been wover
on to small silk line with light cork OF
it, and the upper end of the line fastened
to long, tapering cane pole, and you arr
liked for fishing. -
Oh, my beauty! But l am DEPRESSING
from my story, and must return to an.
subject.
The sun rose high in the heavens whel
we reached the bluff where the SOUR