The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1890-07-06

| turned toward George and said to him:
s'See here. YOU are q doctor; does our case
present any danger? Oh, you can speak
After all, what is done is done and 1t IS aD-
solutely Indifferent 10 me "nethei utS VI
not"
He looked at me with bulging eyes and
replied: Eyes, yes. danger-there is dan
ger-danger for me-"
/ believed myself dying of apoplexy and
George was persuaded that, having insulted
me- he knew not how, had sworn to as
sassnate him that very night. My looks
appeared to him fsrocious, my slightest ac-
ton atrociously menacing and my words
murderous. He was livid, he trembled and
his eyes were haggard; but internally he
did not wish to appear to show the least
fear. In his normal condition George
Bessay was brave, resolute and gay. l di-
vined nothing of his preoccupation, but
consulted him, duplicated him to care for
us. He applied all my words to himself as
so many threats.
From 10 to II o'clock.-This painful con-
dtion lasted fully an hour, an hour of ter
rible suffering, during which l felt my life
escaping from me, my temples beat and
foods of blood gush with roar toward
my brain; an hour Of mad fear, during
which | saw myself stretched out in that
room and heard the prayers for the dead.
l took up one of the newspapers lying on
the table and distinctly read in 1t the local
item which narrated our death; saw the
grief of our relatives and friends, hearu
them weeping All at once l felt that per-
ception was leaving me. The walls fled.
the floor sank and the ceiling flew away.
Then nothing Emptiness, darkness, the
unknown death
THE AWAKENING.
"Eh what do you say to that?"
/ suddenly resumed consciousness. 1t
was one of our watchers, who was striking
me rapidly with wet napkin. This had
roughly drawn from me the Syncope which
had taken possession OF me. But my res
cuer'S smile seemed to me to be full OF sar-
casm; l asked myself if he had not insulted
me: was ready to leap at his throat and
yet | Supplicated him to begin anew, for the
congestion had grown painful During a
quarter of au hour when the dFfiowed
to my face the wet linen struck me thus.
But how strongly my pulse beat!-what
fever l had! l clenched my teeth as if lock-
Jaw was coming on. / suffered horribly.
Then, suddenly, an immoderate desire TO
depart seized upon me. L demanded car
rage as Richard Ill demanded a horse {:
"All, all | have for a hack"
idnight-l departed on foot with George,
who followed me with bent forehead. The
streets appeared TO me vast, broad and dark.
The passers looked to me like shadows,
phant0ms. Ten minutes afterward L was
at home The halluclnatlon was disappear
ing little by little | recOllect. however,
that, wishing to get glass OF cold water,
| Tie ullluE-IUOlIg hulCIl was NCL9 olhaiis
seemed immense to me-a desert, Sahara
| to cross, with my dry throat and heavy feet.
81 offer YOU hospitality" said l to George.
"You should not be alone in your present
state"
~ am resigned" he replied.
l saw him turn purple. The idea that apo
pleXy Was about to strike US both had not
yet completely quilted me.
Take off your craVat! take off your
cravat!" cried.
He stared at me terror-stricken and
heard him murmur, Already"
He removed his cravat and threw himself
into an armchair with the despair of con-
demned man who surrendeTs himself to the
executioner. l did not understand his de-
lection l still believed that he, as 4 doc
tor. had knowledge of the danger we were
running and my former ideas OF death re-
turned 10 me.
He was still thoroughly convinced that
was going TO aSSaSSlnate him. dis eyes
were fixed on 4 collection of weapons.
shall never forget the look he cast at the
Japanese saberS and the Scotch claymores.
He went to bed with an air of resignation.
threw myself on a sofa, after having gazed
for moment at the floor. George told me
afterward that. while | was looking down,
he read my thoughts like an open book,
and they ran thus: " despise my friend as
do the mud on my shoes!" l felt heavi-
ness of the head, fire in my throat. band
of iron around my forehead. l closed my
eyes. and saw red, green and blue roses
whiTling about in the darkness. Then,
overwhelmed, fell into deep, cOmat0se
sleep,
RESULTS on THE MORROW.
The next day l had trouble to collect my
ideas; words failed me to express what
had felt, and, strange to say, suffered.
George remained absorbed, still asking him
self If his horrible nightmare was not a
horrible reality. He spoke but little and
fnr I Kn~a,e
concerned nothing remained Of the past
haliucination, nothing but a violent fire IN
the throat, pains in the stomach, void in
the brain, throbbing of the right temple
and feeling Of shame and regret.
The day which followed a fine summer
day full OF sunshine, appeared to me fright
fully long, dull, tireso'e ami sad. l had
within me the bitter sensation of stlllu-
sion. Thai was all | b brought back
with me from my journey into the Infinite!
Where are those famous ecstacies, those
promised siOns. those dreamed-Of allure
mrnts. that expected excitement? l have
told what l saw, what l felt, clearly. eX-
actiy, with the precision of a scientific mar
ration. Yes it was no stranger than that.
Perhaps, beneath the blessed sky of the
Orient. hasheesh brings delicious excitation
to It's calm and cOntemplatlve consumers.
But, with our feveriSh, nervous and re-
stTirted life, TO take haSheesh is to increase
hundred fold the cares, the confusion, the
troubles and the evils which besiege US
daily. l have been assured that we took
too strong a dose of hasheesh, which 10
doubt was the cause of our uneasiness. ter
roTs and morbid nightmares. 1t is possible.
Nevertheless, | am persuaded that the de-
ceptiOn we experienced is frequent, if not
general, and that it is fully deserved.
All, if a spoonful of that green paste
snatched us suddenly from our diurnal per-
plexities. from habitual meanness and from
customary folly, who would n promptly
create for himself. at the side of active life,
a dream-lfe, and abruptly quit the earth
and the mud for the sky and the cloud?
Take care! That dream is haunted by
phantoms, that cloud is not empty, and its
inhabitants are called Evil VIsionsi
Better far better than the disgusting
beatitude of mirages is the healthful bitter
ness of reality which preserves like the
saline perfume of the wind from the sea.