The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-09-01
BRIGHT BITS.


GOOD ADVICE.
Young man, act on this good advice
From one who knows 1t ALL
When you upon your lady love
At eventide do call.
If she has powdered her fair face
Don't kiss her in the dark
It may explode and show you up
When you apply the spark.
Laurence american.
WREN man uses mourning stationery it's
no sign that he's a blackmailer.-St joseph
MOI Sews.
If MEN wore their hair as long as the women
do it would not last week after the wedding
Dallas (Ter.) NebrS.
Tue good die young, but the average boy is
making strenuous efforts tolive little longer
Ierre Hdute Express.
No MAN was ever so abject that he could not
muster up little pride in speaking Of his
| mother,-AtchiSoE Globe.
The nickel-in-the-slot machine never robs
itself When it is not working it keeps the
nlckel.-NeU Orleans FicdytIle.
A MISSOURI MAN writes to one of the leading
papers Of the state to ask the names of the
twelve apostles Instances of this sort make it
look like a waste of raw material to send mis-
sionaries to Africa. Hutchinson (Kan } Nelos.
A LOVELY TIME.-Maud-Did you have a good
time at the beach, Alice?
Alice-Didn't |! was engaged to all three of
the young men at the hotel at the same time
Laurence AnlericGn
IT REMINDS NE of our Irish friend who tried
to tell off his fingers the four friends at his
| sisters wake: mike Maginns was wan, and
the two O'Learys was two, and Barney Flynn
was three-now who was the other wan!"-
Kate Fields Washington.
WAITER-Wil you gentlemen have your cof-
| fee now, or later on?
Guest-We will take it right now
Wai;er-I was Just gong to say if you
l Jh ha to nroft
about half an hour.-SUtingS.
SHE DID WELL, CoNsIDERING.-Girl Friend
(kissing the bride ecstatically)-O, Far, you did
| splendidly at the altar, and this is only your
second
Bride (complacently)-Yes I've really had
| very little practice Chicago Ne,cs
DRAWING TEACHER-Now, this is a symmet-
rical figure, Can any one tell me what sym
metry is? All! There is little boy with his
hand up! What is symmetry, little boy?
Jimmy Scaulan-Plaze, sorr. it be a place
fwhere they buries dead paple -Ltght
For a long time" said the speaker lit has
been patent fact that the seat of political
power is shifting TO the westward"
Good gracious" whispered an astonished
English tourist in the audience TO native
American friend can a man get a patent on
mere fact like that, y know. in tbs country?
l can hardly believe il. "-ChicGgo Tribune.
NEW ExcusE-"Can't you settle that &C
count now, sr?''
Why, mailed you the money long ago"
81 never received it"
well, l saw in the newspapers that letters
containing S35 900 have gone to the dead letter
office in the last twelve months. Yours must
be among them See the government about
1.-THE Epoch.
WHERE The WILD WAVES MoAN.-First Little
Fish Come, quick! The President is fishing
Let's 90 aud get caught.
Second Little Fish-Oh, that's Mr.. Cleveland.
He isn't President any more; he's only an ex-
President Don't bother about him.
Old Fish, am ashamed of both of you. You
act just like couple Of ordinary American
cltizens.-Ne,C York Weekly.
TEAcHER-Bobbv Swapples, what is a quad
ruped?
Bobby-A quadruped is an animal with tnur
| legs. o.
Teacher-Right; now give me an exam 1t
| a quadruped
Bobby-A horse.
Teacher-Right; can you give me another ex-
ample?
Bobby enlightened after much thought)-An-
| other horse-.JeSter