The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-02-24
BRIGHT BITS.

MY DEAR CHILD, what are you crying so fori"
on, dearl My father has gone and lost me,
ana know my mother VIII scOld him when he
gets home!'-Ftiegende Batter.
HENPEcKED.-"So! hear you have Just re-
turned from your wedding journey to Rome.
What was it that delighted you most there?"
"The-O, my wife r'-Fiiegende Batter.
TEAcHER-Can you tell me what led Columbus
to set out for this continentg
New Pupil-Yesm. He'd heard that for
elgner stood the best chance 10 get appointed
on the New York police force.-LoCeH Citizen.
JUDGE-If you know of any mitigating cir
cumstance you are at liberty to state it.
Prisoner don't know of any except that
took 10 stealing because | didn't want to loaf
around the street corners and be taken for a
detective.-TerdS iSiftRgs.
THE Boston Globe thinks man shouldn't be
ridlculed for bringing suit for $4,000 for the
alienation of his Wits affections. 1t asks:
Aren't g wife's affections worth 100000"
They are-provided they cannot be alienated by
another NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
WHERE He SHOT H1M-First Westboro'
Sportsman-Did you see that fox young Gunner
got Yesterday
Second Ditto Ditto-No! Where did he shoot
him!
In the vital spot, en'-Westborouqh
(MdSS.) Tribune.
ONE OF THE SELECT -Stationer-How many
of these reception invitations do you wish en-
graved, sir?
new I DIX NaOOD NAJeiY from Jne BennSVl-
vania oil regions)-Three hundred and ninety
nine, be jabers What do yez take me fur
Chicago Tribune.
a LAWYER in Pennsylvania was badgering
woman during the cross-eXamination. when she
charged him with having sent his father to the
poorhouse, robbed his mother and deserted
his first wife, and the lawyer grew so quiet
that pin could have been heard to drop
Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. McINTY-An' phat did tn dochter soy
was tn matter wild y'r eye, Patsy?
Small SOn-He Say-ed thur was some foreign
substance in it.
Mrs. Mclnty with an Il told you so" air.
Now maybe yell keep away from thin Oytal-
ians-Nelo York Weekly.
FORCE OF HABIT.-Elder Darkcloud-I mo-
shun to appfnt Brudder Simpson to TEX up de
coliectionl
Dominic Hardpan-What yer got ter aay ter
dat, Builder Simpson?
- Brother Simpson who has been sleeping)-
Not guilty, yer honor.-iSdn Francisco Wasp.
YES said Fogg, L always allow Mrs F. to
build the Kitchen fire in the morning OF
course, I'd just as lief do it myself, only it
makes me feel so bad, you know. 1t makes me
feel as though l was helping to destroy our
American forests. A woman, now, doesn't
trouble her head about such things Boston
Transcript
THERE is some talk of forming a syndicate
and buying back the privileges of the House of
representatives from Speaker Reed. His strik-
as BSA as q NdPOie)h Oh teRlSlaLlOn
lave made the man from Maine" an ambigu.
GUS title, but there is such thing as getting too
much advertising, as the horse thief said when
he read the sheriIs poster.-Life.
AN OLD LADY who witnessed production of
The Merchant of Venice" many years ago went
again recently to see the story of Shylock en-
acted upon the stage. Upon her return home
she was asked how she liked it. WAL" sa id
she, Venice seemed to have been spruced up
some since the first time / saw it, but Shylock's
just the same mean, ordinary thing he was forty
years ago. "-HGrper's Md0azine for March,
A FAMOUS COLLEGE PRESIDENT, a clergyman,
was addressing the students in the chapel at the
beginning of the college year. 1T is he said
IN conclusion, "a matter of congratulation to
all the friends of the college that this year opens
with the largest freshman class in its history"
And then without any pause, he turned to the
scripture less IN for the day, the Third psalm
and began reading in a voice Of thunder: Lord
how are they increased that trouble me-" This
however, was hardly more unfortunate than the
choice OF the hymn, Return, Ye Ransomed
Sinners Home" as the closing selection of a
certain American board meetng.-Suacuse
Christian AdUocute.