Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-04-27
COL. KNOX In CLOVER.
He Listens to Several Poets of Phila-
delphia's Great Club.
MAJOR HANDY'S NEWSPAPER MAN.
DR.. Bedloe Tells of Lucy's Lovers and Nc
Laughlin Speaks of Women.
SOME OTHER GEMS PUT UP IN RHYME
WRITTEN FOR THE DISPATCH

was over at the Glover Clup last week
in Philadelphia at Chinese dinner given
in honor of Dr. Bedloe, the celebrated wit
of the club, who has recently been appointed
Consul General to Annoy, China. No words
can express the gorgeosity OF the Chinese
dinner, and it would take several languages
to give even faint idea of the wit and wis
dom evolved by the celebrities who sat
around the four-leaf clover table.
At sub-session held at the Bellevue
Hotel, after the dinner had been absorbed
by the distin guished guests, there were pres
ent Frank Mclaughlin, proprietor OF the
Philadelphia Times; Moses P. Handy, Pres
idens of the Clovers; Dan Dawson, the ath-
lete; John S. Grey, the lightning poet; Jim
Haverin, the luminous legal light of the
Quaker City, and myself. The discussion
turned on the improvisation Of ideas and
the possibilities of perpetual inspiration.
Haverin said he didn't believe it possible
for writer to be ready at moments notice
to write brilliantly on any given subject.
Major Handy insisted that spontanelty was
one of the chief requirements Of Journalist:
That's all very well in prose, remarked
Frank McLaughlin; but in the case of the
poet, QOu Hc Cdh oc S1APSSsSS ~
write like hack newspaper man"
81 disagree with you, Frank. said Dan
Dawson; 'I will bet you that Grey can i'm
provise a poem right here on any subject
you suggest"
"I'll 60 you," replied Mclaughlin.
"Now, Grey, 60 ahead"
'But want subject" said Grey.
swell, what's the matter with the
weather." said Handy; that's about as
broad subject as you could expect, and
gives you lots OF room"
Between the time the waiter started for
and returned with the lubricants, Grey
pumped out of himself and flooded the audi
ence with the following atrocity:
Unexpected Prophets.
When notice in the papers
Any so-called weather warning.
Or predictions of the capers
That the wind will cut next morning;
When 1 read the words prophetic
OF "clear. calm and warmer weather.,
In my language energetic
denounce it altogether.
And it isn't without reason
That fail to trust this prophet
For his pointer" every season
Makes me feel disposed to scoH It.
Ny experience is showing
That the winds he cannot settle,
And he isn't half as knowing
AS weather-cock of metal.
You will note thateach prediction
Is Immediately attended
By as fiat a contradiction
As the elements have blended.
If the prophet says: Get ready,
For the storm is coming wilder"
Be at ease and take it steady,
For the next day will be mIder,
If he says "To-morrow's finer
And the bees will all be hummfuQU
You may take it as a sigma
Howling olizzard's quickly coming.
If he writes that sin the morning
Heavy rains we will be getting"
Take no notice of his warning,
For you will not get wetting.
When these weather prophets tell rs
That the 'snow and rain are through
Get your rubbers and umbrellas,
And your mackintoshes, too
You will need them on the morrow,
For. as sure as you are born,
You'll discover TO your sorrow
Half a foot of snow at dawn.
When they write 1--WE are preparing
For terrible cyclone"
For the caution be not caring.
Leave your overcoats alone.
It's million to a feather
Not zephyr comes along,
For these prophets of the weather
Guess at storms and guess 'em wrong.
"That's about as bad as I have heard in
the way of verse;" said DR.. Bedloe, sand
can only forgive Grey on account of its be-
ing an impromptu barbarism. I believe
Handy can do better than that He used to
be a splendid poet"
The Major had been furtively scribbling
On the edge of his immaculate shirt cuff
during the recital of Grey's elegy. At the
suggestion of the doctor he rose and read
the subjoined verses from his linen notes:
The Newspaper Man.
There's fellow you meet in the hotel or street.
A curious, prying, inquisitive chap.
Who will bore you for news aud solicit your
On the markets, the tariff or latest mishap.
He is cunning and shrewd and he's always inn
With wish to acquire all the knowledge he
And not even a plumber, book agent or drum
Can equal the gall of the newspaper man.
At banquet or ball, as rule he will call
To collect any gossip or&ake down a speech;
Hes received with a smile in hospitable style,
And they put all the dainties they can in his
reach.
To treat reporter on liberal plan,
For they know he'll repay in his columns next
day,
With a well written puff by the newspaper
man.
Hes the fellow one meets in the front rows of
seats
On the very first night that play is pro-
duced,
Who viii moodily sit through the mosh-eaten
And chestnuts the playwright has reintro-
duced.
The author will beam and the manager seem
To make the reporter at ease if he can,
Tho, of course, he don't pay for his seat at the
But he gets in because he's newspaper man.
Where'er you may be on the land Or the sea,
This ubiu uitous fellow you're certain to find.
In war or IN peace his exploits ne'er cease
And in danger tits seldom you catch him
behind.
he has pluck, tact and skill, irresistible will.
And among brainy men he Is found in the
From the the President down to the boys about
There's the highest respect for the newspaper
man.
"I have poem here" said DR.. Bedloe, as
the last notes of the Majors blonde voice
vanished in the cigar smoke. 81 have a
poem here which / wrote myself in 20 min
utes and would like to read it."
II have an engagement" said McLaugh-
lin, rising.
SCI want to catch New York train," e1-
claimed Grey as he looked at the clock.
'I'u be back In lew minutes" said
Handy as he made for the door.
"Sit down, gentlemen, said Dan Dawson,
'and don't be impolite. Poetry seems to be the
order of the evening, SO let US listen to the
doctors poem
So DR.. Bedloe in his pale blue, celestial
voice, read these verses:
Lucy'a Lovers.
Lucy was an awful firs,
Very fond of fooling.
She had manners sharp and pert
Got in early schooling,
Ben, the baker, sought her hand,
DIT cl,. ANA. dx,I,r l1o.i HI