The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1890-01-29
HTRDETTE ON THE ROAD.
bne of the Humorous Expert
ences Of the Lecturer.
~ Horses Harnessed Abreast Could No'
Draw Him from the Platform-De-
lights of the Sleeping-Car-
Riding ON Freight.


M nraxv Him from the Platform-De-
81 lights of the Sleeping-Car-
& Riding ON Freight.
Probably there is no occupation IN Ihe
Forld that gives man such an easy liio
Ind large profits as lecturlng 1 uoh
M,nnose that six horses, harnesseo
I'll breast could draw me from the plat
Torn. II is lust like lolling around In
HJune meadow, picking up gold dollars
Einstead of buttercups. Now, last Iuus-
h day night lectured in Granville n: -
didn't leave dollar in the town. Next
morning got up at AS o'clock, got into
buggy, piled a valise weighing Jour
hundred pounds-no, sir, won L Vahe oh
one DUNGEON my feet, and drove eleven
miles through pelting, driving rain
storm. over muddy roads to station on
the y. e. H. c., that has tram nVe
times a year. AT Granville they nave
one every spring. Well, got train,
and changed cars once or twice ana got
moro trains, and finally got to Albany
at 1885. May be I didn't want my
breakfast. Sat down to table aoo
drove a restaurant man to Despair
bankruptcy and suicide. Got on the
cars again, and at $50 that evening,
without stop or stay for bitc or sup, got
off at my station. Raining like mousse
afire and two miles to drive. FUN!
don't care so much for the actual lectur-
ing. but the getting from one place TO
another do enjoy.
And then, the pleasure OF travel. DO
YOU know, some weeks, have sat stlli
in the cars, one day after another' from
ga. m. to 4, 5, or I p. M, without NOV
inc. save at meal time? How DO you
snpnose an active man, fond of walking,
eniovs that sort OF thing? It's enough
to drive a craven image mad with
nervousness.
uRut can't read?" asks Feeblemind.
Saw. when you are reading, and one OF
your lovely, loving and beloved chlloren
comes ND and takes hold Of the back OF
the chair and begins to shake lt-don t
YOU make her quit it right away? And
if she doesn't stop, don't you box her
ears with your precious book?
What! Don't lie to me; I've seen you
do it.
Well, that's the way the jig-jog, rat
tle-rattle, shake and SILVER OF the cal
affect me. 1t just about drives me wild
"But can while away the time II
pleasant conversation with"
Oh, can l? Do you remember reading
about the remains of a well-dressed NAL
found in the Genesee river, who wa
sunposed to have fallen from an Ell
train while passing Portage Fails
Well, the last time that man was see
alive, he had lifted my 400 ton-'sal
400 pounds little while ago?'-l sal
tons, both times; you can look back an
see-he had lifted my 5O0-ton walls
from my seat, and crowded himself /
on me for what he called "a little chat
enjoy conversation, but not IN a poil'
factory If you were having a quiz
conversation in you parlor would ye
like the children to come in and mai
as much noise as railway train!
trow lot. Well, don't like it eithe
The man who wastes time trying
draw me into conversation on rof
ing, crashing, buzzing railroad train W
get much better results, and quite
pleasant ones to himself, if he will nc
his naked eve out of the window
look for cinders.
"But why don't travel at night
+.ke the sleeper?" Because, lmbecl
night is my time for work and l lect'
only in towns where sleepers either
through in the afternoon or the eXpr
trains don't stop. You might as W
ask the patriots to have their torchilI
nrocessions in the morning. And as
sleeping in a sleeper, could you sleep
your bed at home if it was about as W
as a coffin and seven feet from
floor and twenty-five inches from
ceiling, with pillows twenty-ei
inches square and a blanket of t
inch felt and somebody shook
swung the bed all night, and at in
walls freight train, blowing viii
and ringing bell, ran through the
and Jumped down stairs, and once
twice in the night they pulled J
house out of the lot and iammed i
against another house, and just as
got Gained down truck inspector sh'
come unuer your Wlhoo" anu yen
your air." and then some men sh
crawl under the house and hammer
pound and wrench at the joists for t7
tyminutes, and then the engineer sh
'stry his air. again and the men u
the house should yell 'Whoop!' and
man under your window should
"Whoop! Whoopee! Shut her off, l
And then your house should groar
grunt and bump, and then go roa1
and whirling off down street thirty
or forty miles an hour? Could you s
Well, that's sleeping-car slumber, t
And you don't like to occupy room
any one else, do you? don't, too.
now. suppose you had long, n;
room, with twenty-four beds and
or thirty-fve people sleeping in
r thirty or thirty-fve pairs of boots
shoes-all sorts of boots and shoes,
standing around the room; notices.
twenty snorers in the orchestra?
that's sleeping-car Stun Der, 1t bes