Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-03
IHE TOPICAL IALKER,
A Corporation Again 10 Biame-Her Auni's
Careful Trnining-Mr. Jederson's suc-
cessor-A Queer Kind of Quiet Horse
Tho pa,altv ar Rncattousucrs


cessor-A Queer Kind Of Quiet Horse
The Penalty OF Fncetlousncss.
A STOUT elderly citizen who pays the Com
monwealth five hundred dollars for the
| privilege of dispensing the juices Of barley,
rye and other grains to some of the thirstiest
citizens Of the Thirteenth ward, had an ad-
venture the other daywhich cost him several
| pounds of flesh. he is the sort Of man that
Caesar would have loved, for there is nothing
lean or hungry about him. Notwithstand-
ing his bulk when his better half informed
him that the roof Of the house was In bad
repair the other day he brought out a ladder
and proceeded to make personal examination
of the premises. The ladder was several feet
too short, but he managed to hoist himself on
to the parapet from the top rung. After he
| had made the examination desired he started
| to descend. Then it was that he discovered
that his protuberant figure was serious in
| convenience. He could not make connection
with the ladder. He let his feet down eau
tiously, but they dangled in the air. They de-
clined to overcome the angle which the pro-
jecting portion Of their owners frame forced
| upon them.
For two mortal hours under the blazing sun
the thermometer was 94o in the sha de-this
unfortunate boniface roasted on his own roof
1t was case Of cooking BY inches the respon-
| sible inches being in the Rirth Of the victim.
An ever increasing crowd admired the spectacle
of melting humanity from the sidewalk. At
last some one, good Samaritan. brought a
longer ladder and 250 pounds of far too solid
flesh on the verge Of melting tottered feebly
to the ground.
"WHERE did Arethusa learn to be SO won-
derfully careful and savingf"
| " don't know exactly, but she was brought
up by an aunt and"
''ohl an ant educated ner-that explains Il"
| -
EVERY time that Joe Jefferson comes this
way it is natural enough to fall to won-
| dering who there is among our comedians to
| take his place when-may the event be far dis
| tantl-he shall retire from the boards. Last
| year when Sol Smith Russell showed such rare
humor and pathos in "The Poor Relation" it
was remarked in this column that perhaps Mr..
| Jetferson's successor had been found. 1t is
| somewhat gratifying to find that the greatest
dramatist. actor and critic combined who lives
Dion Boucicault, is quoted as saying that Mr..
| Russell Is the legitimate successor to Joseph
| Jefferson.
Mr.. Boucicaulr says these two comedians
| proceed on like methods. Each is gifted with
pleasant personality, on which depends much
| Of the effect produced. The scope Of each is
about the same. Russell excels in facial mo-
| bility. Jefferson in touches of tenderness The
| character composed for the former comedian
in "The Tale of Coat" written by Mr.. Bouci-
cault.is of those seriocomic portraits similar
to those the author formerly supplied to Mr..
Jefferson and which mainly tended to shape
his career-such was Rip VdR Rinkle, Caleb
Plummer and Salem Scu oder.
THE officers of the National Guard are not
| of
strange if they were. Every year it is deli
cate and important task for several Pittsburg
officers of the Guard to procure horses Of ap-
| proved sobriety to serve them in camp. One
of these officers confided in me the other day
| the history of his dealings with the charger
that he took to Camp Hartranft.
you see am not much of a horseman"
said he "and for the sake Of my regiment 1
took great pains to engage horse of good
| moral behavior for the encampment. told the
| liveryman the sort of horse I needed and he
said he knew just the horse for me, a nice amia-
| BILE bay in which there was no guile. AS I
owed the livsrymsn small bill. the payment Of
which depended on my safe return from camp,
1 thought could trust him to select a mild
hammered beast for me.
"Ail the details left to the liveryman and
the next thing heard of my horse was on the
morning after the regiment got into camp at
Mt. Gretna. A couple Of privates came into
my tent Just after reveille and informed me
that my horse was down at the regulars camp
half mile away
"'What is he doing therer I asked. They
told me that he had been housed in the regi-
mental stable but when the morning gun was
fired he kicked the tent down, kicked in the
ribs of the Cooners horse and seriously in
jured two others and the stablemen. After
that performance he had escaped, and after a
half mile run had been caught in the regulars
| camp. 80
81 denied myself the privilege Of riding that
| day. and allowed q colored man with ambi-
tion to shine as an equestrian to test the quail
ties of my charger as bucker, kicker and bolt.
er. The beast developed all sorts of exquisite
vices in the following three days. abstained
| from the luxury of mounting him till the day
of the Presidents visit. BY that time the model
animal was so fatigued that the worst he could
do was to travel sideways as we passed the
President. Luckily he turned his head toward
| Mr.. Harrison"
1t is not profitable to be facetious or sarcastic
in negotiating with livery man. A gentleman
who desired wellbehaved, easy.going horse
to transport his best girl and himself through
divers suburban glades had lesson to this eff
feet the other day. He called up the stable by
telephone. and after asking If he could have a
horse and buggy that evening went on to ex-
| plain what kind of an animal his soul yearned
| for.
"Don't give me horse that climbs trees" he
added.
I'VE don't keep horses that climb trees" the
liveryman replied, with anger in his voice.
That ended the conversation. The hour for
the excursion arrived, but the horse and buggy
did not. The liveryman resented the insinua-
ton that horse of his would climb tree, by
forgetting that the horse and buggy had been