The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1890-12-13
MARRYING IN HASTE.
Americans Accused Of Reckless
ness--The Old Country Way
of Doing Things.

There is too much marrying In
haste followed by the inevitable r
peating at leisure, in this country.
In whatever relates to marriage, we
Americans are the most sentimental,
romantic, and reckless people under
the sun.
We do not mean that there is too
much marrying in this country, for
there is by no means enough marry
ing of the right sort, but too much OF
the ineonsiderate, immature, and pre-
mature sort.
Europeans consider marriage sober
ly. seriously, rather in the light OF a
social and commercial compact, look
ing to practical amelioration and the
continuance of the family.
To Americans there is something
unpleasant in the businesslike way ia
which the English approach matri-
mony and the ultra ut~ilitarian spirit
they bring to bear on it from first TO
last. In this country we do not be-
lieve in taking a wife as we would buy
a horse, or purchase land, or invest IN
stocks, viewing her substantial quail
ties and the amount Of value received.
If Europeans go to one extreme, h
Americans go to the other. III they are
too cold and calculating We are too
warm and inconsiderate. Ii they make
il too much a matter OF business, we
make it too much a matter OF fancy
and feeling. That love II sympathy
should be the base, and Thai II IS, IN
deed. the sole safe and permanent
base, of marriage is scarcely less than
a truism. Though the principle may
be incessantly violated, its verify Is
usually accepted, even by those VINO
violate il.
In this country we believe it practi-
calIv. and were our insight and self
understanding equal to our belief, we
should boast of fewer inharmonious
and unhappy couples than any otner
land. Unfortunately we are apt to
forget that something more than what
we conceive to be love is essential to
m%atriinony. and we have, besides,
an extraordinary facility for dis
covering love by mere surface indica-
tons.
Our Young people are hardly out OF
school before. having been thrown
into each others society, they ina
CINE that all their future happiness
hangs on their speedy union. As ig-
norant of themselves as they are OF
humanity in general, they confound
the common instincts of nature with
uncomfortable and Interchangeable
afinities. They hout all advice TO
proceed with caution; they are not
| going to wait until all freshness OF
feeling has gone and their
hearts are withered, etc. STEPPED
in the selfishness of overlooking ego
tism. Judgment consumed in the flame
of tumultuous emotion, they are In
capable of s~uspecting that they are
simply another precious pair OF
natures dupes. They solemnly be-
lieve their erotic experience is pecul-
lar, that they feel as men n women
never felt before and will e feel
| again. They are not to be blamed;
they are merely human; most OF us
| have antedated their folly, though we
| NAV have escaped the final pitfall OF
a hasty marriage. 1t is a pitiable fact
that more than half the persons who
believe they love one another intense
ly and marry under such belief, live
long enough to find themselves mis-
taken. But many American parents
| deem it quite sufficient for their chill
dren to avow, in their salad days, a
reciprocal passion, to take them at
at their word, and hurry them into
wedlock. We are a practical people,
vet the name of love has a c~onjuring
power with us. Before that monosyl-
liable common sense seems to vanish.
We forgot that, while love may be
ample for itself, it is not ample for
marriages. state in which prosaic
facts, stern realities, manifold annoy
ances, inevitably enter and play a
most conspicuous part.
do they love one another?" That
is the supreme and only test.
'If they do, send for the clergyman
and bind them fast" Have they good
health? Are they fitted to be parents?
Can they sustain each other? Have
they anything to live on? Have they
any earning capacity? Are they
qualified to construct a home that
will benefit society or strengthen the
State? These are ld-fashioned ques-
tions, indelicate and impertinent.
They are fond of one another; their
fondness will be their surety.
Would it might bel But, alas,
what daily instances our divorce
courts, and, indeed, our own observa-
tions, furnish that is not! We are
too sentimental and romantic ovel
what, il il ever goes wrong. senti-
ment will not aid and romance can
not cure. If the American people
were a little more careful about mar
riages beforehand we should have
less causes to repent of them after
ward-we should have less mismatet
misery, fewer blighted lives, ruined
homes and public seandals.-PhfLG
delphia Letter TO London Telegraph.
A Queer Exchange