Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-06-20
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Western Editorial Machinery Sometime
Slips o Cog.


We extract the following from the last
Issue of the Arizona Kicker, which came
out on half-sheet:
EXPLANATORY owe our readers
an apology for the half-sheet we were
obliged to issue this week. Monday
morning, as we entered the post-ofiice
after our mail, which, by the way, is
five times as large as that of any other
establishment in Arizona, Mr.. Wana-
makers man Friday, who was appointed
postmaster against the protests of nine
tenths OF our people, came out in the
corridor and demanded a personal
apology for what the Kicker said about
him last week. In our pioneer days,
when we lived on roots and hadn't a Sec
o1d shirt to our back, we used to got
down and crawl whenever requested.
We felt that we had to- We were ten
der-foot and lacked sand. A change
came. We haven't been doing any
creeping for the past two years. On tho
contrary, we have had the revolver and
the other man has done the felr-legged
act.
Therefore, when Wanamaker's Friday
demanded an apology, and took us by
the ear to enforce obedience, we lit onto
him with weight of two tons, and had
him hollering for mercy inside Of two
minutes. Before letting him up we took
his gun away, and in some manner ic
| was discharged, and the bullet went
through the palm of our right hand.
| The wound will prevent our using the
pen for some weeks, and we must die
tate our copy.
MORE EXPLANATORY. = Wanamaker's
man Friday has a brother named Jim,
who is loafer and cur from way back.
We stated last week that we believed he
stole money letters from the mails, and
the statement seems to have put some
''git" into him. After we had licked
his brother and got back to the Office
Jim came sneaking down the street and
fired at us through window. He had a
shotgun, but he fired so high that no
one was touched, and he was out of sight
before we got to the door.
In a few days we are going on hunt
for Jim. We shall locate him and walk
in on him and slice off his ear and nail
it on our Office door, Let him accept
this notice as fair warning of our inten-
tions. While he didn't hit us with any
of his buckshot, the idea of such chuck
aloo firing at us with intent to kill rat
tied our nerves and sent us to bed when
we ought to have been getting out copy.
FURTHER EXPLANAToRY-Some three
weeks ago wild-eyed guyasticutis en-
tered this town by the dirt road and
struck us for sit" He gave the name
of j. Melville Graham, and claimed to
have furnished all tho brain fodder for
most of the New York papers for the last
ten years. AS he offered to work for
four dollars per week and buy his crack.
ers and cheese at our grocery, we didn't
question him as closely as we otherwise
might He had worked two days
when we got hurt, and what did
the lop-eared brother of hyena dc
but go off and get drunk and lay
down just where Colonel Haven's
drove of mules would run over him in
going to water! He was trampled out
of sight into the sand, and on top of ouI
other troubles we had to hire him dug
out and buried. But for his kick-ovel
we could have issued a full sheet and
got it out on time. We've had hin
oarted off to one corner of our private
burying ground, and shall mark hi
J grave; but we don't mourn.
THE --LATEST. If our readers are no
satisfied with the above explanation
we have another to fire at them. Owing
to our wounded hand we could not do
stroke of writing. We could dictate
however, and we hired young Bill Ellis
son of old Reprobate Ellis, to act as ou
amanuensis. We had dictated abou
, half column when he differed with III
on how to spell cordial. He insisted
that it was 'corjul, and rather than Sc,
the English language knocked out w
ceased debating, fred Bill out and gav'
an old tramp printer $40 and told him t.
go ahead and run out half a sheet. IT.
all we could 10 under the circumstances
and we beg the indulgence of our sub
scribers. Next week we shall be al
right, and we promise an issue of tn
, Kicker which will make the sand fly il
fifty directions. Detroit Free Press.