Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-10-05
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.
What a loan man a pawnbroker

" AASNs % ASe'h tSNAAD4ShANA -
We suppose nose may be said to be
broke when 1t hasn't got scent.
''There is very little difference between
you and the old hen, Scribbler. You both
scratch for a living" "Yes, but the old
hen scratches for one and gets it."
81 thought many time when l used to
go to see my girl she was sweet enough to
eat" "And why didn't you eat her ~
''She soured on me."-PhiLadelphia Times.
she played for him and charmed him so,
she now wears his engagement ring;
She we knew how to get beau
Upon the string.
At Newport. Jack-"I say, Marie, if
92' is the freezing point, / wonder what
the squeezing point is ?" Marie-aI don't
know, Jack; possibly two in the shade."-
Life.
Doclor-"Did the fever leave your
husband during the night ?" Mrs. x
NO. he left the fever" Doctor-"What
do you mean ?" Mrs. X-"The under
takers upstairs"
A Neighborly Growl-Mr. Gordon Set
taire (angrily -"That dog of yours is bark
ing all night" Mr.. Onderschod-"S is
NOuIe. WI. OOTuOu celldlIS- W Sii, L w
got used to mine."-Puck.
She fell, and he ran to assist her,
And pickea up her muff and her "wrister.'
Did you fall, miss?" he cried.
'Did you think she replied,
81 sat down for the fun of il, misterP'
SiIversmith-"That teapot is for a men,
Der of Congress. Isn't it beauty?" Phi
losopher-"I think you have not made
enough of one feature" Silversmith-
"What is that?" Phiiosopher-"The
spout."-Jerele''8 Weekly.
Scared Neighbor-"Oh, Mrs. Muggins,
y'r husband is tryin' to hang himself in
tn barn" Mrs Muggins-"He never sue
ceeded in doin' anything he tried to do so
far. Guess he'll be comm in all right
wen the dinner bell rings."-Good Ne,rS.
81 am glad to see you coming to church
again regularly" remarked DIR. Choker.
''Yes, had to-" said McWatty, "the sin
ner who lives next door to me has got to
practicing on the cornet on Sunday morn
ing, and can't get a wink of sleep if i stay
at home" "-Epoeh.
Boss of the shop TO applicant for job
-"Yes, want another barber. Have you
had much experience ?" Applicant-'Tve
shaved and cut hair in every city between
here and Australia" "Where are you
from?" Eastern Africa. Pm Zanzi-
barber" Chicago Trib4ae.
The darkey's heart is Highland glad: no
longer is he feeling sad. The watermelon
now is here; the cantaloupe is on its ear {;
the peanut lifts its voice on high, so why
should colored folks still sigh? The white
ones, too, are full of glee, for you can bet
they love all three.-Ihe Americaa.
"Did you ascend the Eiffel Tower while
you were in Paris ?" mo, Dy wife wouldn't
let me. She was afraid might fall off"
"How thoughtful p eyes, you know there's
clause in my life insurance policy which
cancels the payment in case of accident
on foreign soil. thoughtful woman, my
ife."--H'.aseys Weekly.
Two rival sausage dealers have their
shops adjoining. One of them has painted
upon his glass window over a pyramid of
sausages: "At fvepence a pound; to pay
more Is to be robbed" whilet he other puts
his sausages into an obelisk and paints
above it; "At sixpence a pound: to pay
less is to be poisoned. - Chicago Phote.
He had just bought few acres in the
country and proposed to set himself up as
a gentleman farmer. "Nell, Ethel" he
said, 81 am going over to old Mossbaek's
this morning to buy COW that will give
good milk" ayes, we want good milk.
and we have also got to have
COW that will give good cream" ."-Judge.
Summer Outer-T have engaged board
with q Mr.. Hayseed. Am / near mis-
place % Native-"Yep. Next farm to
this" Tourist-"By the way, whose fine
is thisg" Native-Mr. Suburbs
He's a gentleman farmer" Tourists
Mr.. Hayseed a gentleman farmer, too?"
Native-"Nope Hes farmer" Tourist
Whats the difference ?" Natiye-"Mr.
Suburb sells what he can't eat, and Mr.
9ayseed eats what be can't sell. ."-street 4
smitFs Gped Netcs.