Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-10-16
WHAT WAS THE NATTER.

WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
He-Do you think there is anything
effeminate about met Miss Willets told
me last evening that my mannerisms put
her in mind OF herself,
She-Niss Willcts is a fool.-[Epoch.
THE coFFEE SUPPLY.
Customer-Give me pound of Java
coffee.
New Boy diving with scoop into a
coffee bin)-Yessir.
Customer-wait, I've changed my
mind I'lltake Mocha instead.
New Boy diving into the same bin)-
Yessir.
Customer-see here, you started to
get the Java out of that bin.
New Boy-Yessir. No difference in
th' coffee, sir. only difference is in tn
price, Good News.
SHUT THAT DooRll
The time is fast approaching when the
visitor to the sanctum will step in smil-
ing and confident, and just as he is about
to say:
s'Here is little thing l have just
dashed of, /" he will be paralyzed by
voice exclaiming in tones Of thunder:
"Go back and shut the doorW-[ Bos-
ton Courier.
WRATH TURNED AWAY.
Merchant (angrily, as clerk enters three
hours late)-Where in the name
[Clerk offers him twenty-five cent
cigar.
Merchant continuing of sense do
you buy such good cigars2-[Epoch.
WOULD STAY BALD.
Agent-You are bald, / see; now here
is a preparation that will force out a
luxuri-
Jimpson (glancing toward his wife,
Idon't want it, sir, have more hair now
than want.
RECIPROCITY EXPLAINED.
Maud What do they mean by recip-
rocityl
Claude Now. if were to kiss you and
you should kiss me in return, that would
be reciprocity.
Maud Why, it's nice, isn't itG I
thought it was something bad.
AVOIDING MISUNDERSTANDING.
McCorkle- tell you about a fish
swallowing snake that l saw while
away on my vacation9
McCrackle-No, but before you begin
want to ask you one question.
"All right"
els this snake story or fish story2"
-[Brooklyn Life.
SHOULD BE ABLE TO MANAGE IT.
She-He seems very methodical
man. suppose he understands his bust
ness thoroughly.
He-Yes.
SheBy the way, what is his business.
He-He has -[Epoch.
HATEFUL PEOPLE.
First edestrian-There's man hate
worse than the plague.
Second Pedestrian-Whyg
First Pedestrian-He always pro-
nounces my name wrong. -[Street &
Smiths Good News.
RESPONSIVE CHORD.
The Chicago Post has struck a chord
to which all men, without regard to race,
color or previous condition of servitude,
will quickly respond. 1t runs thus:
But of life's sweet surprises there is one
that outdoes all the rest,
And that's to find a quarter in the pocket
of a last years vest
DESERVED LIFE SENTENCE.
t'Prisoner, stand. How many times
nave you been convicted of crime9n
''About 'leven times Jedge."
Have you no fear of the law?" stern
IL demanded the Judge.
'sNo, y'r Honor, answered the pris-
oner, in broken voice. tive got the
courage of my convictions, / reckon p
[Chicago Tribune
A CONTRAST.
He (before marriage)--I could die for
you.
He (after marriage You will be the
death of me.
SHE WAS A SUMMER GIRL.
Jack-Why are you so cold and in
different to me, Amya and only a few
weeks ago you told me that was the
sunshine of your life!
Amy But remember, Jack, that this
is the season when the sunshine loses its
power. II Munsey.
A NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
Hisnibs What did that auburn-haired
girl snub you for just nows
Hisjags-I can't imagine. waited
for her at the cloak room door, and
when she appeared | offered her my arm
and said, s'ReadyF' and she went off as
though I'd insulted her.
NEWLY RELATED.
Miss Bleeks Who was that man who
bowed as he passed by2
Miss Kleeks-It was my brother.
Miss Bleeks Why, I didn't know you
had brother.
Miss Kicks He only proposed to me
4 last week. II Minneapolis Journal
HISTORY FAILED TO RECORD THIS.
1Good Morning, Mr.. President, said