Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1890-03-30
BURNING SATIRE
m HON. JOHN N. ALIENS SPEECH IN
CONGRESS-.
A Truthful Exposition OF the Pension APP
preparation Lit Up with Bright HUI
mora Word for the Farmers.
rFrom oar Regular correspondeu.l

WASHINGTON, Mhrcn ~ ho iass $780,
OF Hon. John NJ. Allen. the humorous men,
her OF Mississippi, is already in great de-
mand, as ID is pronounced one OF the
leenest satires heard in the halls OF Con-
grcss in many year. Probably no other
southern Democrat could have taken such
O line of argument without having pro,
voked most angry debate. priyate !,
Aliens humor is, however, OF hnd that
renders IL unanswerable, particularly wheh
aimed az the Republican demagogues'
They are
AFRAID or TBE FUNNY MAN PROM TuPEto'
He Is always loaded" for the men on
The Republican side OF the House VINO
"tear their shirts whenever they indulge
In spoech-makinc, and they don't care 10
tackle A member who is sure to make then
objects of both rdicule and pity. The
speech of Mr.. Allen came in at the
rssbt plsce. IL has had splendid
effect. and aside from the satire. 1t
Is full Of truths that viii undoubtedly I'M
press the taxpayers OF the country. lhere
Is univorsal regret here that so gifted a
man as " Private" Allen has made up his
mind TO retire from public life at the ond
OF the present term. and the hope is gene
rally expressed that tie people OF his dls-
trict VIII insist on his coming back. FOL
loving are the remarks Of Mr.. Allen. which
will no doubt be read with interest IN the
South:
The House being in Committee OF the
Whole and having under consideration the
bill making appropriations for the pay
yreut Of invalid and other pensions tor the
FISCAL year ending June 30. 1890, and Tor
othcr purposes
Mr.. Allen. of Mississippi, said:
Mr.. Chairman.-We once had LAWYER
On Mississippi 10y the name OF Joe Mullins
who usually began his speeches IN defend
sng criminal cases by saying Gentle
men of the Jury, | DO not wish TO mutilate
against the majesty of the law nor contra
4ene the due ayoirdupOis OF the testl-
monv." laughter Now, Mr.. Chairman.
i wish 10 say in the outset that u IS not my
purpose to 'mutilate" against the majesty
OF the achievements Of the men who fought
60 save the Union nor 10 "c0ntrayene the
due avoirdupoIs" of the obligation of the
Government TO them.
TASK OF PUTTING HIN DOWN.
No. sir: am the last man 10 depreciate
Che efforts and achievements of the Union
soldiery: to do 90 would belittle my own
work, for, sir. involved in the task of put
fling down the Southern Confederacy was
che task of putting me down laughter !,
and that was a big contract Of itself.
Uaughterl OF course, MIR. Chairman, l
am sorry il was necessary TO put me down,
but do take some pride in the fact that IL
required @ great effort to do 1t. Laugh
teri
BIG Difference.
Sir, when ] have listened to the figures
that have been brought out in this debate
that there were 2. s59,I32 enlistments in the
late war, and / hold in my hand the esti-
mate from the War Department that ex-
cluding reenlistments there were 2,2l3,365
individuals who served in the war as enlist
ed men, and that that war cost SO. lS9, g29,-
O09: when / see that on the LIST day Of JAN
nary last there were 474, 991 pensioners on
the rolls growing out OF the late war, be-
sides those who have died and been
dropped from the roll; and that there has
been paid out in pensions Sl,0g4, 253. 55.62
from July l, 1861, to January l, 1880. and
that there are claims pending for S16O,379
more-when / see all this and remem-
Der tho untold resources aud nd
vantages this Government had in that
war with open communication with the
rest of the world. and the valor and lntre-
yid courage of those 2.2l3, 1865 enlisted men
that must be conceded by all, and when |
remember that the Confederates, cut on
from the balance of the world, without the
munitions Of war. without navy. without
factories. with only GOO. 900 enlisted men all
told, with no money except such as we
could print. and with great difficulty to
get printing-presses and paper on which TO
print it--considering all these things. Mr..
Chairman. it occurs to me, az II must oc-
cur TO you, that if We had had fair
shake" in a clear field and good cause
we would have been " mighty onproper"
crowd to monkey with" lGTeat laughter
and applause.l
HARRIsoN's MEASURE FoR PENSIONS.
Mr.. Chairman, ! believe il was the
present Executive of this great nation who
eaid that I'm measuring out pensions to
the soldiers ofthe late war no apothecary's
scruples should be used. " 1t is conceded,
SIR, that more than 800, 900 will be paid
out in pensions this fiscal year, more than
$50 100000 having been paid out the first
half of the year. / do not think. sir, that
any apothecary's scales ere being used IN
this matter, but. sir, We are using the
standard Fairbanks railroad-car scales
llaughter1, and yet we are told that we are
not doing half enough; and some of my
Democratic friends are wing with our Re-
publican friends in insisting that measures
shall be enacted here that shall increase
this expenditure hundreds Of millions of
dollars.
THE scHEMEs on FOOT.
In fact the schemes now on foot and
being urged on this Congress would in
yolye expenditures almost without limit.
1t maxes your head ache TO calculate It. |
want to say the i have no fault 70 find
with the Republicans for any want Of hbe-
rality TO the soldiers. tLaughter.l
/ know, MIR. Chairman, this is great
Government. II would be impossible to
compute its worth IN dollars and cents. OF
rourse, sir. feel mighty bad about having
fried to destroy 1t flaughterl; but, sir,
when listen 10 the demands made IN the
pane of the soldiers for saving, and see the
disposition to comply with those demands
on the part of members on this floor. l
think sometimes we had best stop and have
an accounting, and see if we had best try
10 pay the thing out or let the Grand Army
Of the Republic take it. lLaughter.l
TWO PRrvATEsll
I listened with interest today to my
friend from Indiana (Mr. Cheadle) in his
appeal in behalf Of the soldiers. There is
O bond of sympathy between Brother
Cheadle and me-we were both privates.
ILaughterl believe he IS honest and be-
iieves in what he says. do not doubt that
DC was good soldier, and l know some
thing of how close a real soldier feels to his
comrades; but | noticed in the morning
paper that the Six O'clock Club met in this
city last night. and the distinguished per-
sonages present were required to confess
on what subjects they were cranks. Now,
Al my friend Cheadle had been there and
bad made an honest confession he would
LANt NtliNl 4lt W as "a va vi tnC EOOltOb VI
pensions. lLaughter.l
PAY FOR PATRIOTISM.
am not going 20 take issue with him
about ouI obligations to the soldiers. He
and i agree perfectly about that; the diff
ference between us is in how the obliga-
tions are TO be discharged. Ii probably
grows out of difference in temperament.
am very sentimental, while he seems TO
be quite practical. | believe in paying off
these obligations partly ia honor, while he
wants it al in cold cash. lGreat laughter
end applause.l / have taken occasion once
before 10 warn you gentlemen who saved
the Union, aud now repeat the warning,
That IL you do not hold up on this business
OF paying yourselves for your expenditure
Of patriotism during the war, the first
thing you know the country will not owe
you anything. ILaushter.l | do not want
tins done; want TO reserve up some of
This debt Of gratitude 10 talk about ON
Fourth Of July occasions. tLaughter.l
RAISING THE LIMIT.
The gentleman from California CMr Nor
tow) IN charge OF this bill informs Us that
be thinks We will reach the limit in 1894
that we may expect increases until then,
N - l.