Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-06-01
THE TOPICAL TALKER,

| An Awkward Mistake.
| a LII hired men are ingenious, only some are
more so than others.
| One day last week gentleman sent John.
| his coachman, milkmaid and bottle-washer, to
| the neighboring village for 30 cents worth of
2-cent stamps. After the usual time-say,
| three hours-had elapsed, John returned from
his tramp of two miles. His face wore a self
satisfied look when he came into his employers
| presence.
"Got the stamps, JohnT
"Yes, SIR" the man replied, handing over a
bunch of 1-cent stamps.
~ said 2cent stamps, John, and you've got
ones"
"Yes, SIR" and the smile widened, II asked
for so cents worth o. stamps, aud the postmas-
ter, says he, .one-cent or two-centT DO
you sell 1-cent stamps?' says L Yes says he.
Well says 1, if yer can bug stamps for a
cent. what's the use of payin' two, an bought
the 1-cent stamps sir ~
Of course Johns master was charmed with
his thrift.
USTAMPs all sold out I" was the surprising
reply my request for stamps evoked in
the Pittspurg postoffice at7P. M. on Decora-
tion Day. 1t was accident born Of holiday
relaxation. suppose. Men who carry their
female relatives letters to town to mail. and
this incident material tor a novel excuse.
Couldn't get a stamp at the postofice-all
sold. my dear" may now sound plausible.
THERE was good deal of drunkenness to
be seen in the streets on Decoration Day.
Painting the town red, and giving or acquiring
black eyes is a sorry sort Of decoration.
THERE'S everything in the point of view. For
example here are two sets of "reminiscences
suggested by the playing of Strauss "Blue
Danube" waltz at the concerts last week, in
shape of rondeaux:
HAVE YOU FoRGoTf
Have you forgot that very dance?
Our first the night we met by chance;
fresh from college, ma'am, and you
A schoolgirl, very sweet and new,
And eager for your first romance.
Well remember ev'ry glance
Went through me like a very lancet
We didn't dance, we simply flew
Have you forgotr
Your old duenna looked askance,
But that meier hindered my advanced
claimed the waltZes my due,
Two polkas, and schottische, too
How Strauss did then our souls entrance!
Have you forgot?
NO. NO, NOT 1!
No, No, not 1 ! 1 Ican't forget;
tremble at the mem 'ry yet,
The ballroom floats before my eyes,
The dancers whlrl, the fdders rise,
see the faces in our set
Twas in the anteroom we met.
You knew my pretty cousin Pet,
Have forgotten? My reply's
No. no, not 1!
You tore my dress of orange net
O'er costly silk. as black as jet
Its tatters still fondly prize.
Can forget the wondrous size
or your wild feet? Not 1, you bet,
No, no, not l!
A N East Ender, whose health has not been as
goo1 as it might be was ordered by his doc
tor recently to take pint of beef tea at mid
day. To make this order easier of fulhlment
the doct or suggested that the beef tea could |
be made at home and the patient could take 1t
down town with him In bottle. The sugges- |
tion was adopted and the plan worked |
well enough except in one respect. Half the |
time the bottle of beef tea went down town |
and came back again in the evening untouched. |
He who should have swallowed it simply for |
got all about it in the press of business.
ALL the same, with masculine contrar1ness, he |
always called for the beef tea when he de- |
parted for business 1t happened one morning |
that his wife forgot to have the beef tea ready |
when he made the usual outcry. There was no |
time to make it, She decided to take des- |
perate chance. She filed the bottle with hot |
water wrapped it up as usual in napkin and |
handed it to her husband. He received the |
warm package without suspicion, put it in his |
satchel, and departed.
All that day the fair deceiver was in an agony |
of apprehension. There was no need for it,
either. for the bottle of hot water came back |
as had the beef tea, and an excel |
lent wife had the satisfaction of knowing that |
her innocent trick had succeeded admirably. |
She could not keep the secret, though.
THE other morning, about o'clock, gentle
man who lives in Allegheny was wakened
by a loud ringing of the door bell He threw
up the bedroom window and looked out. There
were two men on the stoop, one looking up and
the other leaning against the Intel of the door.
The former said in a hoarse whisper: Come
down and let Charlie inr'
but 1 don't want Charlier' said the man at
the window.
Don't wake the house: come down and let
Charlie lnP'
81 don't know Charlie a. no Charlie lives
herep
Don't Charlie - live here?"
~No: two doors from here" and down went
the window with a bang.
If you take tired" friend home be sure you
know where he lives HEPBURN JOHNS.