The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-02-25
FAcETIE.
LOGIC FEMININE.

LOGIC FEMININE.
"Mother," said a little girl, who was
engaged in making an apron for her doll,
81 believe / will be a duchess when I
grow up"
How do you expect to become a
duchess, my daughter 2"
Why, by marrying a Dutchman, to
be sure, replied the little girl.
REAL ESTATE.
Briggs-What has become of Winters,
who went West a year or so ago?
Braggs-Last I heard of him he was
over head and ears in real estate.
Brlggs-Making any money?
Braggs-I guess not. He was dead.
A POSER.
"There are places in the Atlantic
Ocean," the lecturer impressivell said,
Gin which the tallest mountain range
could be easily hidden from view"
But how are you going to the
ranges2" solemnly asked a tall, dispeptic
looking man, rising up in the back of the
hall, and then the %janitor put out the
lights.-1eras SJjftings.
POOR, U HONEST.
a story is told on a young man who
recently married to the daughter of
a wealthy merchant. The groom didn't
have a cent, but he was honest. He was
so honest that he wouldn't even prevari-
cate IN the marriage ceremony. He was
repeating what the minister read:
With all my worldly goods I thee en-
dow" read the minister.
with all thy worldly goods I me en-
dow" repeated the groom.
Wasn't that honest p Chicago Tribune.
N RECOMMENDATION.
Fair Young Creature Cafter some reel
tations)-Do you think I would do for a
'Juliet?'
Manager anxious not to hurt feelings)
-Um-er-well, you'd look very pretty
in the tomb.-NeW York Weekly.
WELL RATED.
Father-Clara, I think the Count will
propose tonight.
Clara (excited) What makes you think
so, papa?
Father discovered him in the hotel
to-day looking me up in Bradstreet's.-
Ke0rney Enterprise.
THE LAW OR THE CHURCH.
Mr.. Munnemaker-I hardly know
whether I will put my boy into the law
or the church. / guess I will let him
take his choice.
Old Friend-Well, he will have to
make his choice of one or the other, and
that pretty soon. That Smith girl ne has
been going with so long intends to sue
him for breach of promise if he does not
marry her within the next month.
FALSE ALARM
Wife Oime neutrality-suspicious.! Hus-
bandl Wake up! 1 hear the rustling of
silk and the clank of chains.
Husband-You do? Ilorrorsl Then
the reports are true. l was told this
house haunted.
Wife (much relieved)-Nh, is that all :?
I was afraid Fido had broken loose and
was tearing my new all-dress.-M Y.
Weekly.
MEANS BUSINESS
CT shall forbid Clarence to enter my
house" said papa, s~ternly.
"Would you break the hoy's hearth"
No; I'd break his neck."-N. Y. Sun.
RAINY DAY REFLECTIONS.
Upon the just the rain doth fall,
The same as on the other fellow,
But yet it does not wet at all
The fend who just hooked our umbrella,
We wish the floods would hedge him round,
And mighty torrents 'bout.him swell,
Till with apologies profound
He'd bring US back our umberel.
man has, when the heavens pour,
Got a terrible lot of gall
To thus your property secure,
And boldly steal your umberson
Chicago Herald.
NOT WHAT He AxED FOR.
Tramp-Kind lady, will you give me
something to eat?
Lady-We have some chops left yer
from breakfast. You can have those.
Tramp with a scornful look)-Excuse
me; they are a little too suggestive of the
wood-plle. I couldn't take any comfort
eaten 'em.-Kearney Enterprise.
SEEING IT IN NEW LIGHT.
"You ought to quit smoking cigarettes,
De Sappy. It's injurious to your health"
"AwI" puff pufD
eyes; physicians say cigarettes para
lyze the BRAIN"
"Awr (Pufl puffD
"Beside, the Prince of Wales has given
them up"
"Ydu don't say2" Throws it away
-PiHsburg Chronicle.
MUST BE NEW.