Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-07-06
"Morp.' john" said the conductor.

"Morn,' john" said the conductor.
"Howdy. Cap?''
"What's eggs?"
"Fifteen."
"Many Won got?"
"Ten dozen"
'Give you twelve and half"
won't take it.
"All aboard; go ahead"
Then the train, as if disappointed in not
getting longer rest, strained and groaned
and puffed and slowly started. When about
100 yards from the old man he arose in the
wagon, waved his arms and yelled: "Hi,
Cap! I'll take it." The conductor yelled
back, alright" signaled down brakes
and the train stopped. The old man drove
alongside and counted into the conductor S
basket, three at a time, ten dozen eggs, and
we proceeded on our journey,
Major Wyckof was the claim agent of the
Central road. 1t was his duty to settle
claims made against the railroad company
by those who had suffered loss by any act of
the company or of its servants. Sometimes
the train would put on burst o. speed that
would enable it to overtake an IS COW that
was going lippetyskit down the road. Then
across the peace ul Landscape would be
scattered rib roasts, porterhouse steaks and
other component parts of an ordinary Texas
menu.
THE PERSUADING BUSINESS
As soon as the owner could find Major
Wyckoff he tried to persuade him that the
COW, being of the imported Brahma Pootra
breed, and having been for years the close
companion of his departed vile and the
playmate of his orphan child, she was in
life worth to him 500 This amount he de-
manded, generously waving his right to the
much larger sum that represented the ex-
tent of the damage done to his nervous sys-
TEN through the shock oecasioned by the
news of her sudden demise.
1t was the Majors duty to persuade the
owner of the deceased that his COW was
worth only SIS. 1 have heard him put the
case to the claimant in this way.
"Supnose we grant that the COW was
worth $50 when alive. 1t is not live COW
YOU want us to pay for. Until the COW was
dead you had no claim against US. AS she
stood there on the track chewing her cud,
and unlawfully expectorating all over our
expensive roadbed while she gesticulated
with her abbreviated tail at the buffalo
gnats it could not reach, she was your COW.
At that time the late lRmented NAV have
been worth $50. She is now, alas, dead, and
an imported Brahma Pootra COW when dead
is worth no more than the remains of an
every day long-horn. See? Catch the argu-
ment don't you?"
Eyes, it sort of looks straight, but want
-"
"Well, you can't get it, not for that as
sortment of soup-bones and damaged meat
up the road; no stree. Here's $40 bill and
q receipt to sign"
The receipt in such cases was usually
signed.
THE MAJOR WENT LOADED.
The Major always carried pocket full of
money and blank checks, and a pad of
printed receipts that when signed by claim
ants relieved the railroad company from all
further claims and bound the claimants
forever and day to sing the praises OF the
Central as the most generous road that ever
mutilated human being or split a COW in
two.
1 was going down to Houston one day
when the train on which was aboard ran
into another train. 1t was almost dark
when the accident happened. The glare of
the burning baggage car, the hiss of escap-
ing steam, and the shrleks of wounded men
and women heightened the impressiveness
of what the railroad modestly called ''the
incident" Out of the cleaning into the
light of the burning car came Major
Wyckof, who had been aboard the north
bound train. He had roll of money in
one hand, blank receipts in another, and
pencil behind his ear.
"Here, lend hand" he said to me, "and
help me to feed money to these dying
people,"
We found none fatally hurt. Some had
foot or hand crushed, and others were, cut
and scratched with broken glass.
F'Don't waste time" said the Major to me.
From SO to 500 is the right caper for a
foot or few fingers. Go as high as $500 for
a leg, but see you don't miss any on this
train, I'll work the other. Give them all
something, even if they have got nothing
wore than a ruptured umbrella"
HOW THE MAJOR OPERATED.
Then the Major began on working man
who had been slightly cut on the hands and
face.
Poor fellow, I'm sorry for you, but you
are not much hurt"
''Oh am dying, am dying" said the
frightened man as he rolled on the ground.
II am iull of glass. can feel it iingling
all around in my insides now. 1 know I'm
going to die
''Tut! tutP' said the Major, "that's moth
ing. Here's $40. Go to the drugstore and
be alright tomorrow"
The man took the $40.
''Sign this receipt, quick now."
The man signed the receipt
Now die, confound you, die, if you want
to" said the Major as he hurried away to
another case. And so he went from one to
another of the wounded, paid one SIS for the
loss OF a few teeth, another got $500 for a
braken leg, and SO it went, and everybody
signed receipts and everybody was satisfied
and happy.
tell you those were good old DAYS down
on the Texas coast 1 was young then and
I found good deal OF enjoyment in life, for
when was not having the yellow fever, or
not In hospital nursing a gun shot wound,
or having a section OF my anatomy sewed up
after a railroad accident, why, the rest of the
time I was generally so as to be usually
able to be about" j. ARMoY KNOX.