The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1890-05-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Conflicting dates--Candidates.
Kidnaping-A sleeping infant.
The huile of fortune--Petroleum.
Shaking for drinks---The tremulou
topper.
Can bird drinking be said to b,
liquidating his bill9--FaU Rioer Tribune
Pothumous works should be published
in some dead language. PittsJury
Chronicle.
1t is comparatively quiet when so stil
you can hear the dew drop. --Biaghamtoh
Republican.
A sulky horse can usually be cured BY
driving it in some other kind of a vehicle
-Neto York Meas.
Put two doors side by side and tn,
small boy will go through the one thai
squeaks.-Aercuy.
When two racing steamers make tn,
same number of knots an hour, the re
suit, naturally is tie.-Nep York Voice
The papers at this trying time
All speak of death, the killer;
We're bold to take, in prose and rhyme,
Somebody's sarsaparilla.
Judge.
The ancients excelled us in man,
things. Now, there was Job, boiler
that never exploded. Franeisc.
Ala.
The humorist seldom gets rich from
his ideas but he is usually able to make q
good thing out Of one and another. -
PUCK.
A dentist of this city puts in false
teeth so naturally that they look and
ache exactly like the originals, -Phila.
delphia Pres.
The health journals and doctors agree
that the most wholesome part of the or
binary New England country doughnui
is the hole, Troy Times.
In ancient times twas Ajax bold
The lightning did defy:
In modern times it's Kemmler who,
This feature will supply.
-Goodoips Sun.
Popinjay passing store)-"Good gra'
cious What is the matter with thai
man leaning over the counter theres
Blobsou-''Got a counterfeit, / guess
Mercury.
Bank Cashier (of Hibernian extraction
opening his mail and smelling the docu.
ment)--''Hello, this note must have been
drawn in the Oil Regions, | see there arc
three days erase on it.
Trumble to Office boy)-"Can you tell
me if the sporting editor is in his Officer
Office Boy-"IIe amt got any Gifts
Hes oasside making the baseball score OF
the bulletin. Pittsbury Press.
Mrs. Brown --"Why do you like to
have the doctor come to see you, Johnny
Is it because you get nice things to eat2''
Little Johnny-"Naw; cause | can put
MY tongue out at him. "-Basar.
"Girls are queer" "Why SOP "Why,
when that pauper Bolus was married tc
Miss Stockanbonds, the heiress, she
looked tickled to death when he en-
dowed her with all his worldly goods.
--Bazdr.
Mrs. Jinks-s'I declare, Alice Smith Is
to be married! 1t is frightful the way
girls marry nowadays. A woman should
never think of it until she has reached
the age of discretion Mr.. Jinks-''Ir
other words, you would rather have
them stay single all their lives. Lac
renee american.
There is postoffice in Idaho called
Deer Valley, with mail twice per week
For six weeks last winter the only letter
received came for young man from hi:
girl in Chicago, and the inhabitants fin
ally became so wroth that they arose ii
their might and run him out of town.
Detroit Free Press.
Jack Wheeler--''I say, Louis, how ole
do you suppose Miss Smith isl Her aunt
says she's just twenty one." Louis Wait
| (who has not been in the wholesale dry
goods business for nothing)-"Aw, yes
marked down from thirty-three; to bt
disposed Of at bargain, old chappie, =
Morning Journal.