Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-10-19
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

The pawhbroker may not be military
man, but he knows how to keep time
Yonkers Statesman.
McFingle-"Well how's the vanishing
business Y Spiegeneflt-"No goot. It's
peen for a long vile quite shelac p'-Lalc-
renee Americaa.
Put away the little bath robe
| That the darlings used to wear,
| For they re home now for the season,
, And the men no longer s.are
Maud-"What do they mean by reoi-
procity?' Claude-"Now, if was to kiss
you, and you should kiss me in return,
that would be reciprocity" Maud-"Why,
it's nice, isn'tit? l thought it was some
thing bad"
Mr. Isaacs-"T sells you dot coat at
gread sacrifice" Customer-"But You say
that of all your goods. How do you make
a living?' Mr.. Isaacs-"Mein frient,
makes schmall profit on de paper and
string."-Neu York Weekly.
Clerk-"Does it take you an hour to go
around the ner?" Boy-"A man
dropped quarter down hole in the side
walk" Clerk-"And it took YOU all this
time to get it out" Boy-'Yes, sir. L
had to wait till the man went away"
u
And night over Eden her mantle had thrown
| Come, let US go out, love, and view the night
| skies,
And watch the horizon until the moon rise"
Said Eve, I'D be Cad, as the night is so fair,
But l really can't go, for I've nothing to wear
Lawyer-"Madame, Pm sorry to say
that l don't see the ghost of chance for
you to break your uncle's will" Woman
-"Well, to be frank with you, don't see
ghost of chance to pay you for what
| you have already done if the will isn't
broken Lawyer-"On second thought,
madame, l think the will can be broken.5
-Nunseys Weekly
II walked the floor for an hour with
the toothache last night said one Wash
ington man to another "Thats nothing"
was the reply. 81 walked the floor for two
hours last night with the stomachache.n
"Why, really, that's very extraordinary,
isn't it ?" "Not at all; the baby had the
stomachache. = Washington Post.
Just she and I alone were there beneath the
stars so calm and bright
told her that to me her cheeks were like twin
llies, pure aud white
But in the morning, as l brushed my powdered
vest for half an hour.
realized the lilies must have been some other
kind of flour.
Chicago Erening Post.
IeeV. MT. Jones - Sister Wnfte, IL
grieved me las Sunday ter see you at
church in deep mourning, an at de same
time er wearin' yaller strings on yer bon
net. Dat amt zactly de way ter mourn,
sister," Sister White-"Brudder Jones, /
wears dem yaller ribbin in memory OBJ
my los dubbed one-who wuz er bright
mulatto befo' he up an died."-Teras
SJtings.
Harry-"What's the matter?" Badly
Pm greatly perplexed as to whether Pm
saint or a demon" "What do you
meanf' 'Why, scientist has recently
declared that the soul lies in the hair Of
the head, and, as | am bald, that makes
me out demon. But a new sect has been
started on the basis that bald headed men
are the type of sanctity. So which am
1Y-Luwrence american.
A widow OF one of the victims of a re-
cent railway disaster called at the studio
of Chicago sculptor the other day to see
| the clay model of the bust she had ordered
of her husband. "I can change it in any
particular you may DESIRE" said the artist.
The widow looked at it with fearful eyes.
.sThe nose is large" "a large nose is the
sign of goodness" said the artist. The
widow wiped away her tears and sobbed,
"Well, then, make it little larger. Gen.
eral Manager.