The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-05-07
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

The office hunter knows no close sea-
son.
There is one thing the hardware dealer
always has on hand-nails.-Boston
Bulletin.
Isn't it rather remarkable that "the
oldest inhabitant" is never a womana-
Washington Star.
Gan the world loves lover"-except
the young lady's father and the dog
Burlington Free Press.
Il is unfortunate for shoemaker when
his customers are unable to foot their
bills.-Ne,o Orleans Pieayuhe.
"Theres one of your patent frees
capes," said the traveller as a Cinder from
the locomotive struck him in the eye
Rome Sentinel.
Wife (groaning with neuralgia a)-"Oh,
how my jaw aches 1t almost drives me
crazyl' Husband (signi6cantly) Think
of me my dear"
"Say, mamma" asked a sweet young
miss Of five, "why do people have two
ears when they can only hear one thing at
a time9"-Judge.
A household paper tells how "to get
grease out of white marble" An easier
way is to get it out of the butcher shop.
---Hochester Post -ETpress.
The man who is always being found
out considers himself unfortunate, unless,
perhaps, it is the bill collector who hap
pens to find him out.-Statesmdn.
Patient ION diet)-"Doctor, have
a strange craving for baked beans. Are
they healthy" Doctor-'I never
treated any. Laurence american.
At the Hotel. Traveller Sitting up in
bed, watch in hand)-"Six o'clock, and
nobody comes to wake me. l shall be
sure to miss the train. France Mode.
In the cleaning, oh, my darling,
When come thine eyes TO see,
Tie the dog up, tie Kim tightly,
Then I'll feel it's safe for me.
philadelphia Times.
Will-'I believe editors weigh care
fully all manuscripts sent to them" Bill
IAN author-"Yes, in order to ascertain
the amount of return postage necessary"
- Yankee Blade.
He (cautiouslO-'' would you
say, darling, if should ask you plump
ly to be my wife" Darling teyen more
cautiously)-'Askm me and find out. -
Washington Star.
A New York doctor says that travel
ing on the railroad will cure dyspepsia.
This doctor never can have heard of the
railway ham sandwich. .-PittsbuTy
Chronicle Telegraph.
Algy (who has more than lie .sn,r,nsi ;S, DeJ
--"Poohl Riches have WINS. G. F. La
Jack (who hasn't enough)-erm, 1889. 4
they're mighty slow in fl trespass;
fellow. "-7tras SVtings. @5s. A1tS n1tSnnn, y y,
A veteran soldier fghtga y, q, Sea .,
again. He is telling how y % % "
by the explosion Of a shell. , q "1s 'ot
he, ''when looked around % .Sea 70
that l was LOna2o, q "a
The average wife may say, '1'teo
so" occasionally, but she is m>
enought not to remind her husband on
the idiotic nonsense he used 10 talk 70
her in their courtship days SomrsiA
Journal.
Transient-"Do yon think there is
much of a field here for dentistl"
Landlord-'I should think so. There's
one man up at the head of the street
that's got an acher or two. .n-Btag-
hdmtOn Leader.
"And what has become of your SOD
Jimmie9" "Jimmie's gone into jour
nalism." "Why, he is only ten years
old" "True for you; but he sells forty
newspapers a day. He's smart boy,
that Jimmie ~ Basar.
Things one would rather have ex-
pressed differently: Jones (nervously
conscious that he is interrupting pleas.
ant tete-a -a-tetel-A--"Im sorry to say I've
been told to take you in to supper, Miss
Belsize l"-L0RdOn Punch.
Chargit, '92-"Can have this put on
my account here2" Mr.. Tick-''Very
sorry, sir, but we don't know you"
Chargit (makinga trial elsewhere)-"Put
this down for me, please. You know me,
l beheyel" Mr.. Hungup-'Most I'M
fortunately we do, sir. Sorry We can't
accommodate you. - Yale Record