davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
BRIGHT BITS.

The number of those credulous persons who
think dynamite can be dried in a stove is being
gradually thinned off by the logic Of events
Philadelphia Record.
IT Is IMPOSSIBLE to convince a woman who
arr es five minutes late at a station that the
engineer did not see her coming, and started off
Just out of spite.-PalGtka Herald.
BossIYou run the place for few weeks and
let me be bartender
Bartender-Wh atjer want to do that for?
Boss-l'd like to have a crack at the profits
Ne1 York Sun.
A FARM JOURNAL. ADVISES: Save the incest
eggs for incubation This is valuable advice
ANY old back number egg is good enough for
the transforming Hamlet" combination
NoTTistoUn Herald
THEY were discussing the joys of matrimony
the other night at the Union club. "Wel,''
said Jones, meditatively, looking at her
merely in a cold and unimaginative way, my
wife is not beauty; but she will be when her
father dies. Truth.
Nor PROMPT IN HIS PAvMENT.-Gilhooly-P
yez nd betther be looking afther Brophy
He do be tein' me he has turrible grudge fur
ninst yez.
Cuddihy- Mnsha, who cares? Brophy niver
paid me anything he owed me yet!
on THE P1 Ass. The Giroom-Much blige fer
splicin' us, parson; but Broken Tooth Hank
don't swallerno insults. H Y e
The Parsoil Alter -wha- wha-what's the
The Groom-Kiss tn bridel or I'll shoot
Life.
FATHER-My son, you must not dispute with
your mother in that way.
Boy-But she's IN the wrong.
Father-That makes difference, and you
might as well learn, my chlld. once for all, that
when lady says a thing is so, it.is So even if it
isn't so.-Ptct-M Ne Up, ES -
A wELL-KNowN COMPOSER who has been mar
ried three times, divorced twice, -and sued for
ahmony once, is at work on we lding march.
xys4QN ,qpifa
the cplnpeeltion portions of it, will sound like
Blind Toms Thunderstorm" with hail and
cyclone accompaninlent.-No rTistotcSe Herald
YABsLEY-If ever l marry shan marry
wo,han of education. arl 49,.
Wick wire-T used to talk that way, myself
But in fact, never had thought of marrying
the present Mrs. Wickwire until one day got a
letter from her announcing that her uncle had
'd-id-e" and left her sixty five thousand
"d-o-l-e-r-S.
JIMMY PERT-Say, Mr.. Noodles, want to tell
you what sister said about you.
| Mr.. Noodles-Go ahead, Jimmy; I'm all ears
That's just what sister said. Why, how did
J you guessy''
"What do you mean?'
''she said you were regular donkey "-Ld,C-
renee american.
A COOP AUToMAroN-"Ha you any au-
| tomato toys!"
Yes, large assortment. How do you like
| at appears to be broken.a IL
mo, MAIDEN; You do not understand the
| idea. 1t is an automatic tramp, and does not
work r-Ne9 York }Swf.r 4oH1 .,o4
| Too AwFcI1Y wFuL.4Boston Mother-Why.
my child you look very much excited. What is
| the matter? NAV F(i(rID
Boston Daughter1No Nothing, mSher, nothing.
not satisfy me. | must have an answer.
| Boston Daughter (hoarselyl-Wel then
| mothey, the beans are burned to a crisp.-Roch-
ester Post Erpress u
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
Dolph INDIGNANT.

Senator Dolph, the chairman of the Sen
ate committee that is trying to find out how
the correspondents get hold of the secrets of
the executive sessions, showed good deal
of hot temper in the Senate Thursday be-
cause the Washington Star referred to him
as chairman of the smelling committee"
He thought that such language was dis
respectful to the Senate, particularly as the
Star enjoyed the privileges of the Senate
press gallery.
1t looks as if the senators were try
ing to punish the correspondents for
something of which they themselves are
guilty. There is only one way for the
secrets of the executive sessions to become
known. The senators have been told time
and time again that they furnish the infor-
nation which they pretend to want kept
secret. On Tuesday Representative Breck-
inridge, in the course of a speech in the
House, referred to a gentleman who
had just been confirmed to q circuit
judgeship Of the United States" The Sen
ate was still in executive session when Mr..
Breckenridge made this statement, but what
he said was correct How did he learn that
the nomination of circuit judge had been
confirmed within a very few minutes after
the confirmation, and while the Senate was
still in secrsy Gsession9 Everybody with a
grain4of coahfpn sense knows that some one
of the senators told him.
On Thursday Senator Edmunds, who is
evidently Disguised with the Dolph inyesti-
cation, proposed that the senator's purge
themselves Of the suspicion of completely in
the revelations, but his proposition was not
accepted, and whyl The reason is apparent.
If the senators should tell all they know
about tbs -ssy executive secrets get into the
newspapers there wouIddbe no occasion for
continuing the investigation. The investi-
cation is regarded by the country as farce,
and the antics of the sleepy old millionaire
senators are the source of great deal of
| amusement.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
Bit His Wooden Leg.
From the Virofnin Chronfcl,

from Tue Virginia ChfOn1Cte.
Justice of the Peace Kehoe returned the
other day from q months sojourn at Rubicon
Springs. He relates the following amusing
incident, which for a time relieved the mo-
notony of life at the secluded mountain resort:
While wandering about in the vicinity of
Rockbound Lake, accompanied by a boy. the
judge was struck on the leg by the fangs of a
large rattlesnake. The boy saw the snake
strike the judges leg and ran back to the hotel
at Rubicon and gave the alarm.
A rescue party was hurriedly organized by the
guests. The party, armed with at least a barrel
of whisky in TASKS, decanters and bottles has
tened in the direction of the spot where the
judge had been bitten by the venomous reptile
The members of the rescue party had not pro-
ceeded far on their humane mission when they
observed the judge approaching. His usual
limp walking seemed greatly intensified to their
alarmed imaginations.
grand rush was made for the Judge, and
hundred TASKS were instantly uncorked, the
odor of whisky supplanting that of fragrant
pines. frs and wild flowers-each owner of a
flask being eager to have the judge first par
take of the contents and others endeavoring to
strip his trousers off to apply healing ointments
to the wound.
The judge finally was able to explain that he
had been struck on the leg by a RATHER and,
while indicating with his finger the spot where
the reptiles poisonous fangs struck remarked
that it was his wooden leg that had been bitten,
and therefore the wound would not prove seri-
GUS The Judge afterward killed the snake and
exhibited the end of the tail as trophy. 1t is
ornamented with seven rattles.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
Fun Over the Wires.

From the Youths Companion.
Telegraph operators with a sense of the
ludicrous sometimes find their dull, everyday
routine enlivened by the amusing messages
handed in by their customers. An operator in
a small western town was sitting alone in his
Office when an old lady entered vino informed
him tnat she wished to send a message to her
daughter.
''How much win it cost?' she asked.
FIFTY cents for ten words.'
"How much for five wordS?'
THE same We do not send any messages
for less than so cents"
''All want to say is: 4 will come home to-
morrow and that will be the same as if there
were ten words, eh?'
Eyes, ma'am."
''Well, i may as well have my moneys wuth, 9"
she said, reflectively. Then, holding up one
hand and counting the words off en- her fingers
she added: "Johnny-cut-a -tooth-yester-
day"
"Tbere." she said, ''you send that along, too,
to make us even," aud with a comfortable
sense that she had not been defrauded by the
company, she went on her way,
The operator was of too sympathetic a nature
to be amused over the distress of young man
who, three minutes after the departure of the
last train for the day, rushed up TO the window
and dashed off the following message to be sent
to town sixty miles away, addressed to a Miss
Something other:
Have Just missed train. Must postpone GER
emory until tomorrow. Would walk there If 1
could. Try to be calm"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

The MORNING NEWS is on file at the following
places, where Advertising Rates and other in
formation regarding the paper can be obtained;
NEW YORK CITY
J. II. BATES, 80 Park Row.
q. p. RowELL & Co, 10 Sprucs street.
w. W. SHARP & c., 81 Park Row.
FRANK KIERNAN 6 Co., 1872 Broadway.
DAUcHY & Co., q Park Place.
J. W. THOMPSON, SO Park Row.
AMERICAN NEWSPAPER PUBLISHERS ASSOCIATION,
Potter Building
= PHILADELPHIA
n. W. AVER & Son, Times Building.
BOSTON
S. r. NILES, $50 Washington street
PETTENGILL & Co. 10 State street.
CHICAGO
LoRD & THOMAS, As Randolph street.
@ !NCINNATI-
EDwIS ALDEN COMPANY, &C West Fourth street.
NEW HAVEN
The H. P HUBBARD COMPANY. IS Elm street.
ST LOUIS
NELSON CHEsMAN & Co.. 1877 Pine street.
ATLANTA
MORNING NEWS BUREAU, 31S Whitehall street.
MACON
DAILY TELEGRAPH OFFICE t97 Mulberry street.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

Some time ago Congressman Gambler, of
the Ninth Georgia district, announced his
intention of retiring from politics at the
expiration of his present term. Since then
he has received many letters from his con-
stituents, asking him to reconsider his decis-
ion. Col. Gambler declines to do so, how
ever, and the democrats of the Ninth
district will have to hunt up another good
man to represent it. Col. Gambler won his
spurs when he defeated the young independ-
ent colt, Emory Speer, and he has been
about the biggest man in the district ever
since
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
Bedrock Philosophy.
From the SomeruiUe Journal

When worries and troubles surround you,
Go TO work!
You always will have trouble around you,
You betl
If you shirk.
The man who is busy his worry forgets.
His mind isn't haraSSed by thoughts of his debts,
And the harder he works, the more happy he
gets,
Till he's gay as a Turk.
If fortune won't smile, let her frown, if
She will.
Never mind.
Don't sulk, and look wholly cast down, if
She still
Seems unkind
If you smile at her, soon she will smile back at
you.
You are certain to win her, if you will pursue
Her with cheerful persistence, and hope ever
new,
And then solece you'll find
The world doesn't care for your woes,
Oh, no.
The man who is wise never shows
His foe
That he's hit.
Every one of your neighbors has griefs of his
own;
He greatly prefers to let your griefs alone,
And he doesn't at all enjoy hearing you groan,
So take warning, and quit
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
He Got Rid of Him.
From The Boston GIobe.

zone OF my creditors, a big, fat, strong shoe
maker, was particularly obnoxious when was
IN an embarrassed condition said Boston
merchant, "fOr he was at my house presenting
his bill three and four times a day and often
the same number of times during the evening.
he made me tired, and puzzled my brain for a
seneme 70 get rid Of him, and the opportunity
10 get even with him came at last.
Il knew that he was a coward at heart and
resolved TO make him so afraid that he would
run out of my house and never come in it again.
ms morning, that / referred TO, he came as
usual and presented his bill. 1 was busy in
room had fixed up as a sort Of 'den,' as it
were, and the landlady sent him in there to
"'weIl, sir, what is itr asked as he came
in.
tIhave come for the amount of my bill, he
replied.
And, said calmly I shall be obliged to
hquldate that bill
Very well, sir he answered. Then I shall
D. obliged to inform you that l shall sit down
here and wait until the bill is paid
Very good, said quietly, but to tell the
truth was highly elated, for here was just the
opportunity had been looking for.
He sat down and placed hi hat on the table.
When he had done this l called to the landlady
and said: Mrs. Robbins, l am at home to
nobody to-day, and do not wish 10 be disturbed
under any circumstances You may come in
tomorrow morning and mail what letters you
md here on my writing desk Then l closed
and locked the door and stripping up some bill
ilard cloth had stuffed it into every crack,
leaving no place where air could get into the
room or out. Then l drew up a long legal
looking document, which labeled My will,'
which took care that the shoemaker should
see, and after writing a few notes went to the
chandelier and turned on all four burners. All
the while previous to this the big shoemaker
had no doubt thought that was bluffing him.
but when l turned on the gas could see that he
was beginning 10 feel nervous.
Il arranged everything neatly in the room
and then sat down and calmly waited for him
to weaken. TIE gas was escaping rapidly, and
the room was fast becoming filed with it. l
could feel my head swim, but would not give
in. All of sudden he jumped up and cried, L
did not come here to be murdered and making
a rush, jumped through the window, taking
sash and all with him. 1t was about twenty
feet from the ground, but when he landed he
started Off as if mad bull was after him. and
l never saw him or his bill for-I can't help if
you don't believe me- It's the truth, and if you
come here tomorrow III show you the man
himself. and you can ask him if it isn't So"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
A Bigger Man Than the President.


John T. Ollie, the register of the land
office at Guthrie, Oklahoma territory, ap-
pears to be bigger man than the President
As long ago as the Sd of last May the Presi-
dent was Informed by the special officers Of
the interior department that Register Ollie
had flagrantly violated the laws he had
taken an oath TO enforce; that he had
cheated the Oklahoma settlers, and that he
was slippery sort of fellow who was bent
on getting ahead in the world at any cost.
He did not remove Ollie, however. The
secretary of the interior talked. with the
President about Ollie, and after the
talk the secretary wrote to Ollie in this
language: THE President, as well as my
self, also marks with emphasis the fact that
your former law partner, Mr.. Kenner, was
one of those for whom location was made
in connection with your half-brother, Mr..
Dillie and that it appears as if you had all
left your homes with the preconceived idea
that the opportunity offered was favor
able one, by whatever means you had at
command to take advantage of your fellow
citizens regardless Of the law and the trust
imposed in you" The secretary also tells
Ollie that the President did not authorize
him to demand his. resignation. The Presi-
dent, however, said that he agreed with the
views that the secretary entertained of
Dillie's conduct.
Why has not the President removed
Dillies The reason is, doubtless, that Ollie
was secretary of the republican Indiana
state committee during the last campaign,
and, like tie distinguished "blocks of five"
Dudley, carries dynamite in his pocket.
The President is afraid of that dynamite.
1t is safe to assume that Ollie knows some-
thing about the last Indiana campaign that
the President cannot afford to have known.
The Guthrie land register therefore runs
his Office to suit himself, and snaps his
fingers at the President. He knows the
President does not dare to remove him. Is
not the Presidents position rather hu-
initiating one?
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

W. A. Hunton, general secretary of the
Colored Young Mems Christian Association
of Norfolk, has just returned to that city
from tour of southern cities in the interest
Of association work in the colored colleges.
He was very much gratified with the inter
est shown by southern white people in these
colleges. In Nashville, New Orleans, At
lanta, Montgomery. Tuskegee, and at other
points, he said, the colored colleges were
doing well, and were helped by the southern
whites. In Atlanta he succeeded in organ
izing the second Colored Young Mems Chris
tian Association in the United States.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
SATURDAY. MARCH 5. 1890.
Reo-stered at the PJst2Gice in SaUannah.


The NoeNrye NEWS is published every day in
fbe wear. aud is served to subscribers IN the city
At Is cents a week, 81 % a month, % % for SIX
Iaoaths and $40 90 for one year
Tee MoRNISG NEws, By mail. one month,
b 90: three months, s. 50; six months, IS 90;
nne year. SO %.
Tie 9IoRNING News, By mail. six times week
without Sunday issueN, three months, 81 90;
six months. 81 90; one year, IS 90.
The MoRNING News. Tri-Weekly, Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays. or Tuesdays, Thurs
6ays and Saturdays, three months, 81 %; six
months. 50 50: one year, s. 90.
The SUNDAY NEWS, By mail, one year, 81 co.
The WEEKLY News, bg mail, one year, 81 70
Subscriptions payable in advance. Remit by
postal order, cneck or registered letter. Cur
nsncv sent by mail at risk of senderS.
Letters and kilograms should be addressed
"BoRNING NEWS Savannah, Ga.
Transient advertiseme hts, other than special
column, local or reading notices. amuse-
ments aud cheap or want column, 10 cents
hne. Fourteen lines of agate type-equal 70
one inch space in depths the standard OF
measurement. Contract rates and discounts
made known on application at business office.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
index TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS,

SPECIAL NOTICES. Chatham Real Estate and
improvement Company; Printing, Stationery,
etc, NJ. S. Byck
AUCTION SALEs-Contents of a Grocery Store,
by LaRoche & Mclaughlin; Hay, by R. H. Ia
tenn
Observation-Disclosures of the Condition of
the Merchants National Bank
LEGAL NOTICE application to Sell Property
of Sarah P. Hone, Deceased.
MEDICAL-Hood's Sarsaparilla.
CIRCULAR No. 163-Railroad Commission of
Georgia.
CHEAP COLUMN ADVERTISEMENTS - Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale; Lost: Personal: Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

A somewhat startling piece of gossip is
printed in the New York Herald, to the
effect that Senator Allison, of Iowa, is
going to renounce high protection and come
cut for tariff reform. The senator was
badly scared before he was reelected re-
Gently. The legislature was SO Close and
the Iowa farmers we're SO indignant about
his high tariff theories that he didn't know
but he would have to go home and stay
there, but he was finally reelected, and if
he has now concluded to join the ranks of
the tariff reformers he has done the most
sensible thing of his life. 1t is not likely
that he has, however.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

The Chicago Inter-Ocean says: SIT is
very desirable that many northern farmers
should settle in Georgia, and, indeed, in all
the states of the lower tier. 1t is equally
desirable that southern men should find
themselves at home in the northern states
as matter of fact they do. But whether
the thirty Ohio farmers now travelling
through Georgia will find themselves at
home is a matter open to doubt. If they
are democrats of the most antique they
will; if not. they won't" Those Ohio farm
ers will enjoy reading this. They were
made to feel at home, and it is safe to say
that not one of them was questioned as to
his politics.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
All Therel Cheadle.
From the NeU YORK World (Denl.).

A fearful person named Cheadle, who repre-
sents an Indiana district in congress, has taken
up openly that defense of Dudley which the
Harrison administration has for year con-
Quoted in secret. In the course of an impas-
stoned eulogy of that sha y statesman Cheadle
said ON Tuesday: Il invite for his private or
official life the most searching investigation. /"
Now the trouble is that this invitation comes
from Cheadle and not from Dudley. Il is like
the Willingness of the farmer to lend the soldier
eyerybody's grindstone except his own.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

Some of the independent newspapers tell
us that the republican congressman with
fconsciences voted against unseating Mr..
Cate. This is quite true, and it is worthy of
remark that there are only three conscien-
fious republicans in the House.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

Public decency gained point when the
production Of "A play founded upon the
Bible, in which Mile. Besphardt was to APP
pear as the Virgin Mary, was prohibited in
Paris, and people began 10 think that perhaps
Paris was not as wicked as il was pictured.
The author Of the play says he will attempt
70 have j, produced IN America. lis would
save time and expense by not making such
an attempt.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

The wholesale grocers of the country
have formed a combination to put up the
price Of sugar 70 cents barrel They say
they have been losing for the last four or
five years from 81 30 to 81 80 on every bar
increase will, of course, come out OF the
pockets Of the consumers. The amount Of
sugar now used in this country As 50 great
about ffty-eight pounds per capita-thnt
the proposed increase viii take yearly
about 100000 out Of the pockets Of con-
sumers.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
Chance for a Bargain.

Small Boy crushing 20, mammal know
where can buy a double ripper sled awful
cheap. Won't you give me some money?
Mamma DECENTRALIZATION cheap!
well | don't know. / haven't asked vet
but l guess | can get it for most nothing
cause Mrs. hobbs hasn't any use for it any
more
Mrs. Nobbs?"
Eyes. Johnny hobbs had il, you know"
But where is johnny"
"Why, in ridin' down-hill on it Just now, he
struck post an killed himself"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08
QUA NEW YORK OFFICE.

Mr. ]. J. Flynn has been appointed General
Advertising Agent of the MORNING News, with
an office at % Park Row, New York. All adver-
Using business outside of the states of Georgia,
Florida and South Carolina will be managed by
him.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

Ex-President Cleveland has written
another letter about tariff reform, and the
next thing is for the organs of the monopo-
lies to tear their hair and warn Mr.. Ceve-
land that he may lessen his popularity by
writing too many letters
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

II the worlds fair is held in Chicago, one
of the most wonderful of the exhibits will
be the Chicago divorce mill. 1t ought to be
put on exhibition alongside the southern
outrage mill
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

Philadelphia doesn't often become en-
thusiastic. Some people say that this is
because her citizens are extremely well
bred, and others that it is because they
haven't enough life in them. At any rate,
they are trying to get up large amount
of excitement over Gilbert and Sullivans
new comic opera, and the country is watch
ing the effort with more or less interest.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

1t is significant that in the recent re-
publican league convention, Blaine's name
was cheered to the echo, and Harrison.
did not elicit cheer. The statement fails
to create astonishment, or even mild sur
1lrise however
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-03-08

The sixteen democrats who were absent
from the House when the republicans turned
out Mr. Cate, of West Virginia, should be
held to strict accountability by their con-
stituents. Some of them may have been
paired, but it seems evident that if all who
were not had been present and had voted,
Mr.. Cate would have retained the seat to
which he was fairly elected. Let the Wash
ington correspondents of democratic news
papers give the names of the absentees, and
let the people attend to the matter after
that. If a democratic congressman can't
give a perfectly satisfactory reason for
being out of his seat upon so important an
occasion it will be well for his constituents
to fail to remember him when he begs for
a reelection.