Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1890-03-15
VARIETIES.


gloves.
Drop a quinine pill in the slot and
test your grippe.
The old topper does not need ice when
he gets on Il skate"
The man who obeys orders seldom
has trouble with his wife.
"You ought to make good editor
for comic paper" "Why SOP "You
have chestnut eyes"
The great men of the ancients under
stood how to reconcile manual labor
with affairs of state.
Ethel-"You say when Charley pro-
posed he didn't get down ON his knees?"
Evelyn-"No F.; | was on his knees"
Bashfulness is very becoming some
times to young man, but it is we'll
for him to get over it if he is going to
| board.
Writing poetry is recommended as
a mental exercise. You can get phys
ical exercise by attempting to read it to
the editor.
"Sullen Roars," says a daily paper,
speaking of cyclone, but we always
thought the "sullen rowers" came in at
the end of boat race.
Tipler-Do you know the reason why
| have never met with success in life
Plain Speaker-Yes, there have been
too many bars in your way.
Fond Parent-"Give me copy
book for my boy" Shopkeeper-
"What size ~ F. P.-"Don't know.
The boy is eight years old"
In Chicago. Barber-"How will
you have your hair cut ?" New York
er-Without you abiding to the prob
able site of the worlds fair"
His Honor-"What made you steal
this gentleman's door mat ?" Prisoner
-Shure, yer honor, it said "Welcome"
on it in letters as long as your ar-r-rm.
Mrs Fangle-Why, | declare the
dining room is colder since it was re-
papered than before. Fangle = OF
course. The new frieze is deeper than
the old one.
Mrs. Hockstein-"It vos Abie's
friday, Aaron. Vat We gif him?
Mr.. Hockstein-"W ehf window
pane, unit led him loogk out unit see der
hosscars go py~
Knox-"Oh, I'm in no hurry to die.
I'm willing to wait until the Lord
wants me-" Hinks-"Until the Lord
wants you? Great Scott do you mean
to live forever?"
81 can't understand all this fuss
about using electricity for executions"
remarked Judge Lynch, of Kansas,
refectively. "Out in our section we
used the telegraph poles for years.
Mother-"Well, Gertrude, how do
you like Vassar?" Gertrude-"It re-
minds me of a certain island off Mar
tha's Vineyard. Mother-What island
is it ?" Gertrude-"No Mans Land"
Bachelor-"No more sewing on of
suspender buttons now, old boy, eh ?"
Benedict-"I wear belt now. I've
got no time to sew on buttons. Keeps
me hustling to buy bread and butter"
Mabel-"S Sunday school teacher says
we mustn't complain of our lot, an
that if we're good we'll get our reward
hereafterw Maud Mother says if
amt good she'll break every bone in
my body"
Willby-"How horribly you write,
Billby. Billby-"Yes, just now, l am
writing at my wife's request, to my
mother-in-law, to invite her to come
and see us, and | hope she can't read
the letter.
Cynical Old Doctor (to young moth
er)-"You think there never was
another baby like yours, don't your
Young mother (reproachfully)- "No,
doctor, don't think so =; | know there
never was
Killed an innocent man. Bjaggs-
"Well, he didn't stay down long, did
he?" Biggs-Who didn't?' Bjaggs--
Meow ow oowow! owl Wow!
(whack, whack, whack) uh-uh-uh
dying Allister.
An Irishman was once brought be-
fore the magistrate charged with mar
rying six wives. The magistrate asked
him how he could be so hard-hearted
william. "Please, your worship"
said Paddy, 81 was trying to get good
one"
"What do you suppose I'll look like
when ! get out of this p snapped a
young lady to a conductor Of an over
crowded street car. "a good deal like
crushed sugar, Miss" said the bell
ringer. And the young lady hung on
to the strap and rode four miles further,
with the smile of an angel.
81 have only one last request to
make" said the dying man, as he pain
fully raised his head from the pillow
and surveyed the weeping group around
his bedside.
"What is it, my good friend ?" asked
the clergyman. Anything you ask
will be DONE"
"Then see that the newspapers don't
refer to me as another old landmark
gone
A train in Arizona was boarded by
robbers, who went through the luckless
passengers. One of them happened to
be Hebrew "drummer" from New
York, who when his turn came, with
reluctance fshed out 5000, but rapidly
took "a from the pile and placed it in
his vest pocket. "What do you mean
by that p asked the robber, as he toyed
! NTH :, ,.o,roluon Nina Eront Won