Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-07-13

BAN JONES says: "If don't got to heaven
will DO one Of tho worst disappointed men on
earth" SANS disappointment 10 going TO bs
something wonderful to behold.
AN owosso, Mioh., Arm advertises o Job lot
Of tombstones, and ad vises people TO hurry up
because there are only few or them len. Here 10
golden opportunity for people about to die 70
secure bargain.
THR hot weather has been the means Of
killing Chicago bo Ok agent while in the act Of
selling book 10 0 deaf and dumb man. This 10
certainly an insta nee OF the survival Of the Attest
MANY cities that clamored for o recount are
now satisfied with the Hrst figures.
JOHN r. MCCALL will accept the Repub-
lican nomin alton for Governor Of Tennessee, but
10 Is unne cessary 10 state that be will never be
called upon 70 ill the Gubernatorial chair. 10
will be case Of called back with Mr.. Mccall.
In about another month the political barrels
will be opened. An Ohio campaign In Pennsyl-
vania will be Q novelty.
JOSEPH SHANNON, the Pennsylvania man,
says the Detroit Free Press, who was beaten out
OF Ss, 900 by three card monte men, saws he had
read the trick in the papers hundred times. but
supposed it was something put in to I'll up on.
every word in the papers after this.
THE peach crop still remains failure.
DIR. PETERS, the explorer. has reached the
coast. For o man who has been murdered as
he has, his health Is pretty good.
HENRY WILLARD believes that in Eve years
every kind Of machinery will be driven by cleo
tricity. This will be direful news for Philadel-
phia. Her pace is a little too fast now.
SHAKE, Wyoming.
THE Lodge Force bill, IL IL should become
law, will force many Democrats into retirement.
1t will also cost the taxpayers many a dollar.
OUT Of 80 games played, Meadville's ball
tossers have won S. The Allegheny club can do
almost as well as that.
BAYARD, Neb, is advertising for good
shoemaker and q frst-class lawyer. Here's q
chance for 9 couple Of Pittsburgers to 60 West
and grow mp with the country and starve to
death.
PARIS, France will celebrate her natal day
tomorrow. She has resolved to do 1t In style,
too and will squander $50 600 francs. II looks as
though Paris had some Pittsburg blood in her
makeup.
AN Illinois youth, II years Of age, while
drunk tried to drive his horse over high trestle
His funeral took place two days afterward, and
his horse had to be shot to put 1t out ofmisery.
THE Fresno, Cal, Republican, says with
emphasis: Correspondents are requested not TO
write on colored paper, such as the backs OF
dodgers or brown wrapping paper with gobs OF
butter and shreds Of beefsteak on the reverse side
The printers can't readi and the editor won't.
MAYOR CREGIER suggests that Chicago Sc
cure floating morgue. IN the language OF Nc
Ginty what's the matter with her present one5
THE meanest thief on record halls from
Lyons, Ill. He entered the residence Of an editor
and secured several hundred dollars worth OF
yaluables He Is probably the only editor In ex-
istence that had so many valuables concealed In
his house, and ne will not be guilty OF II again.
In the new German Reichstag 20 editors will
hold down chairs. The pen is playing an Import
ant part In foreign countries these days.
GENERAL BouIANaER Is writing drama
II he Is to be the star and the star dies In the nrst
act, he has not lived In vain.