St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-03
Il Was Not the Fault, However, Of Mr..
B0wser.
MOVING A BIG stow
he Could Do 1t With One Hand Tied
Behind Him, But Ke
Didn't.

| without Mr.. Bowser having said any
thing about a removal felt perfectly
| assured that he would leave that stove
| alone. Great was my CONSERVATION,
| therefore, when he suddenly observed
the other evening, as we roasted on the
| front steps:
| "Well, well. but how absent-minded l
have becomel Why didn't you call my
| attention to the fact that that coal stove
had not been moved out of the hallp'
Because it Is to be left there"
''Not much! People must have
! thought US queer family to leave it
| there as long as we have"
MIR. Bowser. that stove is not in the
way. and it IS not an eye-sore. Besides,
| we have no place to store it,"
''It goes to the barn, of course.n
at would be the most foolish thing
! you could do"
"Humphl How would it look to have
| snow shovel st inding on each side of
our front door with the thermometer at
% deg. in the shade? One must have
| an eve out for consistency and the G ter
! nal fitness of thingS.'
well, If you are determined to move
it. il you will move it in spite OF my
| protests. send up couple of men to-
morrow and have it over WITH
| 'Send up nothing! DO you suppose
| I'm going to pay some Ole 50 to lift that
| stove out when | can do it myself with
a twist of the wrist? I'll have it out
| of the way i'll ten minutes"
mir. BOwser, you can no more move
| that stove than can fly"
Cant /? / can do it with one hand
tied behind me, and I'll go right at it,"
argued aud entreateG, but it was no
use. 1t was a dreadfully warm even
| ing. and Mr.. BowSer was painting as he
sat flaming himself, but what did he do
| but walk in and prepare for the strug-
| gle. l felt that i ought to make one
last appeal, and followed him in and
| said:
''Mr. Bowser. if you won't touch the
stove tonight I'll make big pitcher of
ice-c0ld lemonade"
"Lemonade! Nonsensei One would
think from the way you talk that ! was
going to murder somebody. Just sit
right here and enjoy the cool breeze
while | skip the stove out. I'll get the
wheelbarrow and take it to the barn."
"Mr. Bowser, remember that l pro-
test.n
Certainly. You are the great Ameri-
can protestOr. anyway. If l killeda fly
you'd protest"
went back to the steps, knowing
nOii "iat nOulA icppCiis UuC L tCib
had done my duty. | heard him fuss
ing around for while. and then he
muttered;
.'She's purity hefty. bnt she's got to
come out o. this"
Ten seconds later there was q wild
whoop. and when | got into the hall
MIR. Bowser stood on one foot and was
shaking the other in the air, while the
top of the stove lay on the floor. He
had pulled It OFF at the first grab.
.'Thunder-and blaZeS-and jewhit-
taker-and Texas-and Jeminar' he
was yelling as he waived his foot aloft.
didn't tell you?'' | Queried as /
looked at him.
mol Never! Younever said word
not wordi''
'Now will you let the stove alone?"
mo! I'll take it out of here if die
for it'll"
"Mr. Bowser. this pig-headed OBJ
stinacy OF yours will surely lead to
Bat be made jump at me, and fed
back TO the front steps and waited in
suspense and terror for the climax. 1t
was prolonged for about ten minutes.
Mr.. BowSer had decided to go slow and
avoid another accident. He took off all
the loose parts, removed his coat, vest,
collar and cuffs, dropped the suspenders
off his shoulders. and / plainly heard
him spit on his hands and grOwl.
"None of the Bowser family were ever
yet downed by coal stove, and it's too
late to begin nOW!'
Another man would have removed the
legs first. He didn't think of it, but
undertook to move the stove as one
moves a barrel standing on end. He
had progressed about five feet.
when there was a sound which
frightened the whole neighborhood My
first impression was that the ginger ale
factory in the alley had exploded and
driven our barn up against the kitchen.
My next was that a British gunboat
had slipped around from the Behring
sea and dropped 4 400-pound shell on
the roof of our house to offset MIR. Bow
sel's assertions that we were the great
est fighting nation on earth.
/ knew what had happened. So did
the cook. So did the neighbors. 1t
was minute before [ could move, and
| was flying in doors wnen heard MIR.
BowSer utter a strange sOund-SOme-
thing between the last roar of dying
lion and the plaintive mean of COW
for her lost calf. l couldn't see him at
first. 1t was all stove, and the stove
was on top of him. Between my screams
and the cooks shouts we got neighbor
in, aud the three of us lifted up the
stove amt dragged Mr.. Bowser out.
You are tine biggest fool in America,
and i'll gamble on it," exclaimed the |
neighbor as he stood over Mr.. Bowser.
A long-drawn grOan.
''It ought to have killed you! a man
who doesn't know better ought to have
a ton of iron fall on him! / suppose
your wife will be foolish enough to send
for doctor. but if you were any kin to
me I'd take you out and drive you head |
first into the al ey!"
With that he went away, and ! got |
the doctor up. No bones were broken, |
but MIR. BOwser had collapsed, like an |
empty barrel. and every square inch of |
him was bruised and pounded. 1t was |
long after midnight before he said any |
thing. / was rubbing him with arnica |
with one hand and tanning him with the |
other when he looked up and asked:
Mrs. BOwser, is it fatal?''
''Oh, no. dear"
s'Any bones broken?''
''None."
''Did the stove fall on me?'
eyes, dear"
"Don't yes. dear me, Mrs. Bowser,
for won't stand It'll The scales have |
fallen from my eyes at last, and l know |
you for what you are! A nice Job,
wasn't it? Calculated I'd De driven
thTntiph tha tinnr didil7t vOuq uonad |