Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1890-08-31

| miscuous counting; this vicious system
which permits a young man without any
| intentions to waste q girl g time with his
attentions. At last l have devised q
| remedy. The electrical corset solves the
| difficulty. II will no longer be possible
for young man to Slip his arm around
| the girl g waist, or Law his head upon her
shoulder without giving the alarm. The
"ting- Ling -ling' will Instantly bring
her pa, ma, or big brother iuto the room g,
| and the offender will be summarly
elected. The electrical corset has great
future. Its influence upon the moral
tone of society is destined to be incalcul-
able. We shall have no more OF these
hasty marriages which end SO speedily in
the divorce courts. Many young man 4,
under the inspiration of the moment,
when his arm is encircling.s girls waist +,
breathes q love which he would otherwise
have left untold. This is all wrong. The
electrical corset will put an end most
effectually TO this practice.
But let parents be on their guard.
These boys will devise means to beat the
electric bell of this new corset, just as
the conductors did the bell punch. And
1t will be well TO examine a girl s battery
before she goes into the parlor, to see if
1t be in good working order. This hugg-
ging business should be suppressed. See
TO it that the girl doesn L muffle her bell;
and especial care should be taken if she
expects young man from one of the
illuminating companies, for he would
know how to make and unmake the con-
nection.
-.
Marriages are not made in heaven as
much as in the oden time, for the obvi-
Gus reason that there are so many appIi-
cations for licenses that the celestial
bureau can't find time TO pass upon
them. Hence many of these unions are
"of the earth, earthy;' and it fire.
quently happens that not until the death
of the husband does the world get cor
rect idea of the fiercensss of that COM
pound known as love turned to hate.
A few months ago well-known man
bequeathed to his wife 1.-the sum of one
cent in full payment of all the love and
affection ever received from her. - Now
another will is offered for probate in
which the testator, an eccentric physi-
clan, sets forth his peculiar views as fol-
lows: al declare this to be my last will
and testament. claim to be perfectly
sound IN body; but do not presume to
not stultify myself by setting up such a
pretensiou. l have about 500, 900 of in
vested funds. What vast amount of
hypocricy, sorrow and falsehood could
buy with that amount l thought first
of bequeathing it to charity. But what's
the use2 The greatest benefactors of
humanity are war and the cholera. Be-
sides l owe a debt of gratitude to my
wife who liY I don't know where. She
rendered me the greatest service In her
power. She abandoned me one fine day
and have never heard Of her since. In
remembrance of this kind act l make
her my sole legatee, however, on the ex-
press condition that she shall remarry at
once. II this way l shall be sure of
knowing thar my death was regretted by
one human being at least.
-.
You may smile when tell you so, but
there is man living in fashionable
apartment up town who has actually
gazed upon his widow; 1 don't mean
someone else's widow whom people call
his, but actually his own widow. This
favored mortal has not only seen his
WIDOW, but has photographed her.
Nay, still more astonishing, on the back
OF the photograph you may read four
obituary notices cut out from New York
papers and pasted there by the man