Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-02-28
PTTH I'D PONT.

/ DON'T hit a man when he IS down 4 G
may get up.
Some 1arzs are musical and some are
-all-night larIzs decidedly not
How TO raise bread-With your I'm
gers, of course; you should not take
/ fork.
Mrs. aid you have a good time
at the sewing circle? Mrs. B.-Oh,
/ only sew. sew,
MABLE-Isn't young Mr.. Dolly a
/ spruce fellow? AMY knew he was a
stick, but 1 did not know exactly what
kind.
/ CUSTOMER VIII this mucilage stick,
/ Mr.. Grocer? Grocer-Try it, sir, try
it. 1t stuck me, and I am sure It will
stick you.
CRY Cousin-UncIe Abner, do Won
! play whist? Farmer Hayseed - No,
| Charley; I don't know anything about
any game but. bunco.
Do KITTENS that have been mauIed
and leased in their infancy become
/ Maultease cats in their advanced years
/ We paws for a reply.
Mr.. MEDFORD-YOur son seems very
industrious. Mrs. Bedford-TO GER.
/ tain extent. He Is always doing some
thing when it is time to go to bed.
CROss-Eyed Gentleman Seeking q
/ partner) WIN you honor me, Miss
Smith, by dancing the next waltz with
me? Two Misses Smith Cin unison)-
With pleasure.
An umbrella Is a very good thing to
| have in the house when it rains, said
Mr.. Smith. Eyes" answered his COM
paniOn, "but why don't you get your
house shingIed 2"
ARTIsT-NOw, in posing do not forget
that you are a young girl who refuses
/ disdainfnliy a wealthy old man. She
oh, that would be too foolish!
never could do it,
A HARD problem: Flossie Cooking
up from her history)-Well, what I
! don't understand about Columbus dis
/ covering America IS how he knew it
was America when he'd never seen ii
| before,
ADoREB CATER rebuke by the old
lady)-I didn't kiss you, I only pre-
tended L was going to. Why did you
call to your mother? Sweet Girl (re-
! pentently)-I-I didn't know she was
/ in the house.
FIRST peddIer-Vot hat you dere,
| Levi? Second peddler-O! dis ish a
/ great scheme, Isaacstein. Dis is let
! ter carriers whistle, and it brings the
ladies to de door sure every time you
rings the bell.
WHAT she made over: Mr.. Du-
mOnt-HOw's this, Maria? gave you
money to buy a new hat. and you've
made over your old one. Mrs. DumOnt
| (smiIng) and I've made over $15
also on the operation.
No BETTER evidence possible: Mrs
/ B1llus-JOhn, you don't seem very
grateful for that box of cigars I gave
| you for a birthday present. Mr.. BiIIus
| (in anguish of 1@sOuI)-Not grateful,
Maria Thunder! Amt I smoking
them!
MISS STEELE (of Pittsburg}-S you
| have a real Chinaman for a servant? is
he efficient? Miss Pharwest (of San
Francisco -SO-so. He's dreadful hard
on dishes. But what would you ex-
/ pect of a domestic that even talks
| broken China
HE-I got a letter from cousin Tom
/ to-day. He says he is engaged to
/ Mollie Jennings. Of course he paints
his future bride in glowing cOlOrs and
/ all that sort Of thing. She-SO far as
! that is concerned MOllie is pretty ex-
pert at painting herself in glowing
/ cOlOrs.
A LITTLE mental arithmetic, in
bakery: "Piease, mum, how much are
those buns ?" well, my little man, I'll
give you six for five cents" six for
Eve. That's five for four; four for three;
three for two; two for one; and one
for-nOthing. Please, mum, ones all
want.