The Delta independent., 1890-07-01
WIT AND HUMOk.

| Al y uOuUtIu BIdLc-Vouo0k ~ DIV
| loves mep-Boson Herald.
II man's salvation depended upon
woman He'll would be tenantless-Ash-
land Press.
A man must get right down to his
work in order to get up in the world.
Wilkesbayre record.
There is no accounting for taste ex-
cept on the pri, rlc that some people
haven't any, m Post.
A mans greatness makes his family
great; womal's greatness makes her
family insignifeant.-Atchison Globe.
The man must have wonderful gas
trio resources who raises guinea pigs
and Spitz dogs-Binghan,tou Leader.
A man is like an omnibus. Wh-.
he is full of drinks he thinks there is
room for one nore.-Boston CONNER
cidi.
Never mind about "tempering the
wind to the shorn lamb;'' what the
shorn is after is some way to raise
the wind.-Puck.
Many man who says, Get thee be-
hind me. Satan" does SO with the as
surance that Satan will get Herewith
| both feet.-FucE.
The attitudes which some people
strike after doing what it is their plain
| duty to do would make dancing
master blush. Puck.
This amt dwarf! He's over five
feet tall" THAT'S the great thing
! about him. He is the tallest dwarf in
the world. IN Y. Sun.
Meet your wife with smile on
your lips" says an exchange. Better
wait until the odor of the .'smile" has
! abated somewhat, though.-1sras Syt-
ings.
Hearing the bad things others say
that he has faults SO much as it proves
| to him that others are liars-Atchison
Globe.
Faddles-"Did I ever tell you that
story about my uncle and the snakeP"
Swaddles-..You did, my boy. and I'd
rather believe it than hear it again.
-Harper's Weekly.
"Did you pass the last examination"
said Senator to rather rapid son.
"Well, er-no; didn't Just exactly
pass it. / laid down my hand as it
were. Washington Post.
Corker (who is no connoisseur)-
"Yes, Brown. bottled that claret N.Y.
selfr' Brown-"I should think. old
fellow. that you'd put some of it in
cruets. Grocer.
II don't know what to do with my
son. He has failed in business and
professional life and appears to be
good for nothing" .'Why don't you
buy him seat in Congressp"-Lie.
Young Callow-.I say, fellow. I'm
in q great hurry. Give me two pounds
of dog biscuit!" Clarkson Formerly
in gents furnishing goods)-.:Yes. sir;
for yourself. sir?"-American Grocer.
The Justices were all present to try
an excise case. ..Gentlemen," said tho
prosecuting attorney. II desire to with
draw this suit from this court. feel
the bias of full bench."-N. y. Sun.
Somehow o man feels much worse
the day after he has lost an hours
sleep on account of the baby than he
does the day after he has lost five
hours sleep at the club Atchison
Globe.
Doctor" Take cereal food for break
fast my dear sir; it will help you won-
derfully." Patient (next morning)-
'Barkeeper. gimme n little old rye.
Must follow doctors orders. ."-Minne-
apolis Journal.
Mumby--'Say. when two trains col
lide they call it telescope don't theye"
Dumley = Yes; why?" Mumby-
Nothing, only was wondering why
they didn't call it collideoscope."-
Laurence american.
'.And how did you like the service at
our church last evening?" There!
So it was religious service? could
not have told whether it was religions
service or grand opera. I'm awfully
near sighted. you know" - Boston
Transcript.
| II Heaven had high board fence
| round it you'd see dozens of pesky sim
ners trying to climb in on each others
shoulders way down in the far corner
while the gatekeeper's attention was
held by q single dead-head in 'front.'
Ashland Press.
Willets-"Tell me. really. arc you
just as happy now you are married as
| you were when you were engaged?"
Millets-"Why, certainly. Her father
pays all of her expenses just the same
as he did before we were married.
Isrre Hante Express.
Mr.. Rich-"My daughter, wish YOU
would busy yourself about something.
and not be forever reading those silly
novels" But, my dear father. YOU
ought to be perfectly contented that
you have such wealthy heircss for q
daughter."-Fliegende Blatter.
Two college boys were guessing each
Others ages. TO judge by your I'M
mature and amateur jokes. you're
about 49," said Bill. TO Judge by
your antique and mossy jests. you're
about 200" replied Bob. and honors
were easy.-ProUidcnce Telegram.
Mother-"I don't approve Of your
carrying on with Mr.. Staylate as you
did in the parlor last night. You sat
too close together" Alice - why.
mother. there was chair between us.
Mother-"Yes; but there should have
been two."-Lawrcnce american.
DO you believe in the saying "A lit
tie knowledge is a dangerous thingP"
asked one Congressman of another II
guess so; why do you ask?" ut oc-
Cured to me that II it's correct there
are q lot of fellows up here who arc
taking great chances" = Washington
| Post.
.That is deep bit OF thought, said
4 l. u 4