Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-07-31

lie was OF Sucn commonplace Drtln
That when anyone said it would rain,
He would look at the sky
With a squint in his eye,
And would beg of someone to explain.
DIFFERENCE.
Visitor-Your sister is studying music,
l understand.
Little Girl-Oh, no ma'am, she doesn't
study music
"She doesn't3"
"No'm. She only practices scales an
things"
| LIVING UP TO HIS MOTTO.
"Well, must 60 now," said Chollie.
"What's your hurry2n asked Ethel.
'It is five minutes of twelve, and my
motto in life is, Never put off till to-
morrow what you can do to-day"
KNEW LOTS.
Mrs. Lakeside (of Chicago)-I am
sure you would like my new husband.
He knows lots.
Mrs. Boston-A man of intellect2
Mrs. Lakeside-I s'pose that's what
you call it in Boston. He's a real estate
agent.-[New York Weekly.
CONSOLATION.
Old Lady lin corner seat of a Broad
way car)-Conductor, the rain is drip
ping in from the lamp-hole all over my
dress!
Conductor-No, madam, excuse me,
the lamp is quite water-tight; it's only
the oil leaking bit. Il Belford's Maga-
zine.
HOW TIME INCREASES VALUES.
Eminent Author-You bought MS.
from me some ten years ago for twenty
! five dollars.
Publisher-Yes, sir; but we haven't
printed it yet.
Eminent Author-Well, let me have it
back, and I'll give you hundred. I've
got reputation now, and don't want to
spoil it Puck.
DEATHS WORST TERRoRs.
Differs (to his best girD-The worst
about the death of poor Winters is that
compromising letters were found in his
pockets. should hate awfully to have
such thing happen to me.
Miffers Ga rival)-Yes, Bliffers, take
good care of yourself Good News.
MILK AND WATER.
"Bjones is milk-and-water sort of a
! fellow"
eyes, but it is the hereditary influence
His grandfather made his fortune in the
dairy business"
THE GROUNDS OF HIS ACTION.
Fleecy-I see you call ON the Brown
girls good deal. Which one are you
going to marry2
Downy-I love Sally the best, but
guess that Clara is the one for me.
Fleecy-You will get along better with
a woman you love than with one you
don't.
Downy-I don't know about that.
Clara has declared over and over that she
won't leave home even if she does marry.
-[Epoch.
A MIDNIGHT MURDER.
Only cat in the moonlight;
Only cat, that's all;
Only song at midnight,
Only wild, weird waul.
Only man impulsive,
| Only reason flown;
Only a clutch convulsive,
Only bootjack thrown.
Only sudden sally,
Only an uttered "Scat!n
Only corpse in the alley,
Only poor, dead cat.
-[Chicago Evening Post.
MODERN MERCHANTS.
Mrs. Bargan-What are you worryin'
about this morningl
Mr.. Bargain need some new clothes
and new watch, and can't make up
my mind whether to get the clothes at a
store where they give away watches, or to
buy watch at a store where they give
away clothes. .-[Good News.
"THUNDERsTRUcK."
"Gracious! that was an awful clap of
thunder; it frightened me terribly"
"Pooh thunder can't hurt youn
"Can't, eh? Didn't you ever hear of q
person being hunderstruckl" l"- Bazaar.
GLEE OF THE HAIRLESS MAN.
The hairless man smiles in his glee,
And as he mops his brow
He says, "The fly that walks on me
Will get his feet wet now"
Il Washington Post.
AwFULLy POLITE.
sBrown is an awfully polite fellow"
sis he! l never noticed it."
"Why, yes. went to borrow an X of
him yesterday, and before left him he
had borrowed one of me. y Bazaar.
THE TRAMP's PARADOX.
He spilled his beer upon the floor,
Then tore with rage his wool;
Then gave vent to this paradox,
"Alas! My cup is full"
INDoUBT.
Bicycle Dealer Here, sir, is one of the
finest machines we have. What do you
think of that2
Young Man (who wants bicycle, but
has vet to mount one)-Don't you think
the-the wheel is "a leetle narrow9-
Good News.
GREEN FISHERMAN.
He never caught fish in his life, un-
less the dealer he bought them from
threw them to him. However, when he
brought home his last catch, owing to