davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
His Frau Too Tight.

Some funny things take place in u
photograph gallery. Once in the
early days good German came to
have his frau taken full length to
send home, that his old neighbors
might for themselves see how hand
some she had grown. He had spared
no expense to buy her u handsome
new gown for the occasion, and it
was made in the latest style when
she came to have her daguerreotype
taken. We posed her and propped
up her head with the nippers, and
there she was, the stiffest, most un-
lovely specimen of n woman that ev-
er was seen. You know it took some
time to burn in a daguerreotype, and
she began to look tagged before the
process was completed.
The operator clapped on the cap ut
last and ran into the dark room with
the negative, leaving her standing
Presently lie heard an awful crash,
as though the house was tumbling
down. Running out he found the
husband hopping around, wringing
his hands and distractediy CRYING,
"She too tight! She too tight!' His
frau had fallen over backward
through the background in dead
faint. The operator took in the sit
nation Mt n glance, and opening her
dress ripped her corset strings in ono
thrust of his knife, when he VOWS he
will never forget to his dying day
how woman he took to be slender
seemed to suddenly bulge into i'm
mense proportions. She had verita.
bly, laced "within an inch of her life"
to have picture for HON e folks tax.
en-lnterview in Washington Herald.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
Habits of the Horse.

The schoolboy who wrote that the
horse was noble animal was right.
He might have added that the horse
knows his business. A horse knows
all about himself, and il he had some
of the faculties which men have the
horse could cure his own ailments.
There are some horses That never get
off their feet. have known horses
that would stand for months. Stand
ing seems to he the natural attitude
of the horse. He sleeps in that posi-
ton; it is very rare thing to find q
horse sleeping in any other position.
A horse that is sickly seldom if ever
lies down, particularly if his disease
is in the lungs. So you see that the
habits of the horse, in some respects
Mt least, are entirely different from
the habits ola man. When you work
all day you rest by stretching your
self ut length on n bed or couch; you
don't stand up. The horse, as l said
before, does. When you are sick you
go to bed, but tho horse remains
standing--1nterview in Chicago Tri.
bunc.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

Captain Brond looked at the doctor with
rather suspicious stare, and letting his
thumbs drop from his arm pits till they
rested on the flaps Of his waistcost pockets.
he replied, in careless tone
"Oh no, monsieur. never deceived--a-
that is to soy, Intentionally deceivsd-a
woman, in all my life!"
Let US hear more, my son." said the
priest, who had now walked up from shor.
nap. and took deep interest In the love.
making episode Of his captain.
"Bueno, caballeros!" continued the mar.
rator, rs he tossed of thimbleful Of mar
nschino, from wicksr.b square bot
tie. after his coffee. well, gentlemen, the
young Portuguese damsel, Senorita Lucia,
and sat there under the weather rail till
the first faint streaks OF early dawn in the
tropics began to announce the coming Of
the grey morning. Then she arose, and,
leaning with a soft pressure on my arm,
took her to her cabin. kissed her sweet
hands, and babe her goodnight"
At this stage Of the narrative Captain
Brand threw himself triumphantly back in
his large MANILA chair, aud ran his white.
muscular hands through his dry, light hair.
Ay! the tiger had clutched his prey. Al
unprotected, young, and lovely girl had
been won and lost, and her palpitatiug
heart was soon to be torn from her tender
body.
TO BE CONTINUED.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
outwIttlns the Dean.

rEO3 tu0 0O1vOn A0vefC1oef.
Twas talking recently with an Eng.
lish clergyman Of the Episcopal
Church who gained his B. A. ut OK.
ford nearly half a century ago. The
conversation turned to Harvard Col.
leee and the recent decoration of it's
founders statue. The reverend gem
tleman said that his recollections of
his Oxford days contained plenty of
episodes of o like nature and he &C.
cordingly related several. Upon the
great quadrangle of Christ Church
College a number of halls front and
upward of fifty doors open. One fine
morning every one Of these doors,
which were of oak, was painted q
bright crimson. Ofcourse there was
great agitation, but the identity of
the artists was never disclosed. The
dean in order to prevent n recurrence
of the deed, stationed q Waterman
in the quadrangle, and so we'll did
that functionary perform his duties
that the doors were not touched.
But the students resolved to circum-
vent the dean and outwit the sentinel.
One evening u big undergraduate,
who had possessed himself Of flow
ing gown and wig. personating the
dean, entered tho quad mag" as
the court is effectionately termed, and
approached the Waterman. "Ahum!
ahum!' he began, in a deep pitched
voice, 81 am glad, my man, to find
you attending to your duty SO we'll.
Now, you go to my kitchen and my
cook will give you u good supper and
plenty OF ale. l will Keep watch while
you are gone" Flattered and
pleased, the man accepted the invi-
tation and went. He had been gone
fifteen minutes. In the meantime
each one OF the fifty doors was paint
ed a sunset red.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
Money Spent for Show.

Ten thousand carriages in Central
park have coacllnan and footman.
At least 5000 more have n coach.
man. Twenty-Five Thousand people
ride there simply TO wait OH the rich.
to minister to the luxury of the opu-
lent. Ten thousand of these people
are lackeys. The gorgeous and i'm
pressive unii0rnls-tall hats ,rosettes.
top boots, buttons-of the concll-
men and lackcys are furnished by
the owners of the carriages. They
buy uniforms for the conclmcn and
lnckeys just as they buy harness for
the horses. and the cost is about the
same. Tho uniforms cost about
$3.50 per carriage. For the 5000
more modest turnouts, with IL plain,
old fashioned coac!lman, the uni
form costs about $40.
1t costs 81 100000 to make the
coacllmen and the lnckeys look like
monkeys. 1t costs $3.50, 900 more to
dress up the old fashioned coacllman.
The aggregate is $1,G5O,OOO.-New
York Journal.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
AHorrlble war Incident.

From the New York Sun.
II had just sold my commission as
Lieutenant in the British army when
the Franco russian War opened"
said an Englishman a fsw years ago
to some friends at the bar of the
Hoffman House. 81 had still some
pretty strong hankerings after an
active military career, and, as I.had
been disappointed in the business
project that had induced me to re-
linquish the hope Of seeing further
service with the red coats. Ijoined
the Foreign Legion of the French
Army, andin the following half year,
any craving might have had for
fighting was amply gratifed. had
many adventures, some of them start.
ling enough, but one to which no
personal danger was attached, stands
out at times with unpleasant dis
tinctness in my memory.
"a few weeks before all French
hopes of final success were buried at
Sedan. q portion of my crops was at
tached to engage party OF Prus.
SLAMS that had been harassing some
villages near Metz. We found the
enemy readily enough, but they had
been strongly reinforced, and though
we drove them back after several
hours of very hard fighting, we SUI.
fered severely.
"Night had fallen before the firing
ceased, and l was sent with an order
to I'm officer on a distant part of the
field. The moon was shining as re.
turned, and was walking my horse,
as the animal was very tired, when l
refined him in quickly, because a feeble
voice called to me.
"'Sir, it said,in very good English,
I recognize you as an officer Of the
Foreign Legion. You are an English
man, think. Will you do me u very
great favor, and q last favor?'
~ dismounted and found O young
French officer lying at my feet. His
eyes were almost closed, the death
damplay cold and heavy on his FORE
head, and little specks of foam and
blood were on his lips. One bullet
had passed completely through his
body, tearing his lungsin it's passage,
and he was gashed and perforated in
half o dozen other places.
"'What can do for your I asked.
"I am suffering horribly he
gasped, and I may live for an hour
yet. Will you have the great Kind
ness to blow out my brains and end
my agony?'
81 looked very closely ut the poor
fellow. knew something about gun
shot wounds, and it was us clear to
me as the sun at noon that lie had
no earthly chance of living until the
dawn.
"I cannot take your life" I said,
but if you desire it l will lend you
my pistol and turn my head away
"Thank you, he muttered, crate.
fully; that will do just as well. l
have still enough strength left to pull
the trigger. You will find q flask OF
eau de vie and a bundle of cigars in
the pocket of my cloak. They are
yours, mon ami. Take them, l en-
treat you. Adieu!'
"Silently ] handed him the weapon
and turned away. A sharp report
rang out. When l looked again ut
the Freedman he had ceased to SUI
fer. l took the pistol from his hand
and rode away quickly.
II have been condemned for the
part l played in this tragedy, but I
have never blamed myself"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
TO BE CONTINUED.
Diseases of the Teeth.


One of the most common affections
of the teeth is tartar, n deposit which
comes from the saliva and the va.
rious impurities with which it is min
gled, forming an adherent crust
which may be almost flintlike in
hardness, or so soft that it may
easily be removed with u finger nail;
the color, also, may vary from black
to white through nearly all grada-
tions. Where, as often happens, the
formation insinuales itself between
the gums and the teeth, it may work
irreparable mischief, and whenever q
deposit is noticed, it should have
prompt attention Mt the hands of
the dentist-not only for it's removal
but for the correction, il possible, of
the cause.
1t cannot be too strongly Impress
ed that any diseased condition of the
teeth should Mt oncehave treatment,
and this for variety of reasons, not
all ofwhich receive the attention that
is their due. 1t is not only necessary
in order to prevent more extended
ravages, but the general health must
unavoidably suffer. The breath of a
person with discussed teeth is often 80
offensive as to sicken those who
chance to inhale it, and, of course,
corrcspondingly notifying to the
sufferer. But this is not all nor the
worst. The offensive particles, which
render expilations so offensive, must
inevitable be carried to the lungs,
where their effect will as inevitable
he felt, sooner or later; and mingled
with the food and drink, they 60 to
the stomach, whence their rank poi
son, absorbed into the circulation,
permeates the system with deadly in
fiuence. Howimportant, then, clean
liness and constant care of the mouth
and teeth should lie exercised rs a.
preventive gilmore serious disorders
OF the general system.-Good House
keeping.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
Be Careful in Speech.

Caretulness and exactitude in
speech are sometimes characterized
as affectation and mere pedantry,
but, say what some people may, it
is unquestionably the unfailing ma rk
of culture. No one thoroughly and
lovingly acquainted with the litera.
ture of his language can regard pro.
priety in it's use with contempt.
The purity and harmony and rhythm
OF his native tongue are as precious
to him as the perfect rendering and
Interpretation of music are to the
musician; and to the preservation Of
the English language in it's integri.
ty it should be the duty and pleas.
ure of every individual lover OF it to
contribute.-New York Ledger.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
A Handy Thing.

An enterprising chap in Connecti.
cut has patented q tonic which lle
advertises in the spring as "the great
spring tonic" In the summer he
calls it "the great summer tonic, ~
and in the full and winter the term
is changed to meet the season.
A patent medicine man with q
great tonic" for only one season of
the year can't expect to do much
business.-Detroit Free Press.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
Georgia Type of Fish Story

Frank O'Bryan, solicitor OF the At.
lanta district, left his home ut Sans
Souci at II p. m. in his canoe, which
was rowed by a negro who had been
q body servant to George Washing
ton.
AS the day was hot Solicitor O Bry.
an reclined upon the stern of the
boat with q silk handkerchief in his
hand, an end of which was trailing
in the water. Feeling ajerk, o. bryan
flung the handkerchief inward, to
find that he had landed with it
n three pound trout, which had at.
tempted to swallow the red end oil
the handkerchief. The solicitor ut
once went ashore and had O fish fry
all to himself, when he resumed his
journey.-Cor. Atlanta Constitution
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
Women in Business.

Women IRE intolerant of one an.
other in business and intensely jeal-
GUS in society. Mistress and servant
are not the only classes between
whom dignity OF demeanor is set
aside. And then the unkindness!-it
makes q generous spirit shudder.
Said poor washerwoman, who has
a family of seven to support: "The
gentlemen I wash for give me clothes
enough for my three little boys, but
l never had five cents worth from one
of the ladies. They give me old dress
es and cloaks and sometimes u hat,
but for each have done two or three
weeks washing in payment. That
isn't all. They are all the time ac-
cusing me of stealing their handker.
chiefs, New York World.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
How Money Travels About.

Recently several gentlemen met in
a hotel at Kingston, Ont. One OF
them received in change a ten cent
piece on which was inscribed the
mystic symbols, "H-7s." by
Jove!" said he, "here's a ten center
that some fellow has marked to see
if it will ever come back" LET me
see it," replied gentleman of the
party. Gentlemen" lie said my
name is Henry Dermond. Twelve
years ago at Halifax, MS, marked
twenty ten cent pieces as this Is
marked. This is the third one that
has turned up" He offered the
owner of the coin 81 for it and got
it.-Toronto Globe.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
IT costs one.sixteenth of q cent

IT costs one-sixteenth of q cent
pound to manufacture artificial ice
in Chicago, and yet the retail price is
now ] cent pound. The ice factor
les are running night and day, but as
a check upon the extortion Of the ice
trust they have so fur proved to be q
total failure.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
Orr duty toward God Is measured BY our
A Woman Two Hundred Var. Old

AWoman Two Hundred Years Old.
A case 70 on record ofa woman who lived
eary to state that it was In "ths oldan time"
Nowadays too many women do not live
halt their allotted years. The mortality due
to functional arrangements In the weaker
sex Ia simply frightfnl, to soy nothing of the
indsscriba bic sulfering which makes life scarce
for these sufferers there 10 certain RELIEF. Dr..
Pierce's Favorits Prescription will positively
cure leucorrhea painful menstruation, pro.
lapsus. pain In the ovaries, weak back; IN
short, all those complaints to which 90 many
women are martyrs. II 10 the only guaran-
teed cure, zee guarantee on bottle-wrapper.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

And that, too. in the shape of the heartburn
ifindigeation, in it's chronic form, has you IN
it's clutches. Neither. lift has, can yon long
expect immunity from biliousness and consti.
patton. it's pleasing colleagues, tho hidsous
trio vieing each with euch to render your life
more miserable. Get Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters Mt once-innist upon the genuine IN
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

overlooked women to tighten her labor is
certainly Il benefactor. Cragin & Co., surely
come under this head in making Dobhins'
Electric Soap SO cheap that oil Gun use it,
You give it o trial.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
NOTHING wit hout ita stIne.

Bi.marcks weight 10 It's. no having once
weighed 245.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

ONE ENJOYS
Both the method and results VIII,
Syrup Of Figs is taken; it is pleasal
and refreshing to the taste, and &C
gently yet promptly ON the Kidney,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the syl
tenn effectually, dispels colds, head.
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy Of its kind ever pro.
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C.
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, ita
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in SOC
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro-
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. Do not accept any
mbstitute.
CALIFORNIA Flc syrup co.
...... saw FRANCISCO. CAL.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

The last chants-a mass for the repose OF
the dead.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

II q man will not feed himself tho good
God will not feed him.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

Cleanse the liver, stomach, bowels and
whole system by using DR.. Pierce's Pellets.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

Where the wild thyme grows-waterbury,
Gem.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01
0RATUIToua ADvIm.

This species efaav3oo 4 ~ alWays aeessA.
able, but In many ins4aAooo much He0S6n
would b derived wero is acted uRo0, N0
esesion ofths country isexenptf reia Aiseeees
common enemy, with the least inju1Yt = o1f
pockets ana tastee, = certainly greet -.
vantaSe: Wem1stexPsstT TER "a llver. osa-
1owelas aad al prudent peFsoae win sapply
themselves with Tutt's RIM, which s91isS.
late the Liver. relieve the enSorgsd splssA,
ulatingth bowels and causing ali unhealthy
secrettons TO pass o6in . natural 0Aanof.
IAN 0unco Of preventiv0 b worth o Do006
Of our0.s Bo advised and use
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-08-01

sioItous III VI eutuuSlaSm, Il am quite sure
she had conquered me. and that was more
than half the battle! Well, l led her to the
quarterback, where some cushions and
flags had been placed for her near the
weather taffrail. and where she sat down.
Well. scnorcs, the graceful girl beside me
never spoke scarcely for half an hour.
have been dwelling on the painful scenes
she had recently witnessed, and held my
peace also; for you see have had consid-
cradle experience with women, and have
ever found that man loses mere by talk
ing than by remaining watchfal and atten-
tive"
Captain Brand looked, as he gave utter
ance to this philosophic sentiment, as if he
were thirsty, cold-eyed tigar, lying in wait
to spring upon an unwary passer-by.
Yes, waited, until at last she spoke. -
'Capitano, she said what beautiful
vessel you command, and how fast she
sails!'
"What replied. my friends. is neither
ner nor there; but sank down on the cush-
ions beside the lovely girl, and poured out
torrent OF passionate words-which l
really felt, too, at the tlme-as don't think
I ever uttered before or since. She was a
little startled and nervous at first, but after
a while saw her stately head droop to one
side till it almost rested on my shoulder;
and she listened with that rapt attention
that girl pays to first declaration Of
love.
Here Captain Brand looked as if the
tiger had already sprung upon the passer-
by, and was sucking the blood with his claws
buried deep into the carcase.
"'Senor.' she murmured, in the low,
sweet plaintive note of nightingale, I am
q young and inexperienced girl Of an old
and noble family; you have saved my life,
my mother Is gone. and have no one to
advise with, and If my dear father smiles
upon my choice, will marry you; but do
not Iimplore you, deceive met"
And you did not deceive her, hope, "
broke in the doctor, with SILVER Of light
from his determined eyes that was almost
painful to see, so earnest and terrible il
was. as he leaned forward with both of his
clenched hands quivering nervously on the
table
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1890-04-21

TIE Boston Herald, a mugwump paper
las the decency and good sense to com
ment as follows upon the course OF tht
Republicans in congress upon the con
tested election cases:
The Republicans are entitled to the
credit Of early action on the CONTESTED
election cases. In this respect then
course compares favorably with that OF
the Democrats. The latter say that this
course Was taken to increase the Repub-
ilcan major ty in congress. 1t may be So
but yet 1t was the lair way to act, all the
same. The first duty of a Legislative
body is to purify its own membership,
and, in justice, no man who is entitled to
Il seat should be kept out OF 1t day more
than is necessary, or no one WrUngiully
occupying a seat should stay in it under
like condItions.-Boston Herald.
But the Herald might have gone
little further and acted still more de-
rently and properly hv stating the fact
hat every case SO far decided has been
strictly upon the lines of justice and
-quity and that in half the cases already
the sitting Democratic members
nave been allowed to retain their seats.
rhe Republicans have not used the
power OF the majority, but have simply
awarded seats to contestants ia all cases
wher in their rights were fully and I'M
quivocally proven. In the 10Th and Doth
congre sses tie Democratic contestants
we're awarded seats by the Democratic
majority regardless of right, justice and
honesty. In the 5lst congress
and toy Republican majority, every case
i3 decided upon its own merits and in
'alm, deliberate and decent manner. The
Republicans of the present congress are
making most excellent records and need
not be afraid to 20 before the country
with them.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1890-04-21

For the past ten years there has been
a bill before congress providing for relief
of the supreme court of the United States
If the large amount Of business before
hat tribunal. AS long as the house of
representatives was Democratic the
measure had no show, although conceded
10 be absolutely necessary and whole
some; during the past week, however, it
Aas passed by Republican house and
Aill pass Republican senate and be
si.ned by a Republican president. The bill
provides for the appointment ofseventeeI
additional circuit judges. A greal deal of
tlli!ation which is now taken to the su-
preme court will receive its final adudi-
cation in the new circuit courts. The
measure is most timely and excellent
one, and will prove of great benefit to
litigants and to the people generally.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1890-04-21

GROVER CLEVELAND says that Mr.. G. A
Dana, OF the New York sun, is "a senlr
liar and thief" Grover Cleveland is not
correct in his assertion, but there is one
thing the people Of New Mexico know
and that is that the great majority of the
territorial and federal officials sent to New
Mexico by the said Grover Cleveland
were not senile thieves and liars; quite
the reverse, they were very able bodied
and strong, active and successful thieves
and liars. Charles A. Dana has forgotten
more than Grover Cleveland ever knew,
or will ever know, The New York Sun
Ia no doubt the ablest and strongest Demo-
cratic paper in the country, and bein@
"forninst" Grover he is riled at its editor