West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-07-31

blr. BARKER Carper-l can't Sc" WY
you have acquired that wretched habit
OF smoking cigarettesi
Dir. Coffin Stralg -well-iust
this way, Barker. A smoke Ia spoiled II
you have TO light your cigar twice; and
some confounded bore Is likely to come
around asking me questions every
minute. Donchersee7
! HE must be drsadtully Jealous man
who objects 20 his wife's cousins" -
"wife's cousinsi Why. man. know
husbands who object " their wivss'
brothers" Z.
!. Impossiblew
alt Is fact. Object to the brothers
their wives promised TO DO sisters to
before they were married"
hrs. Harbinaer-And how ere ron sue.
ceeding on the stage. Miss Yootiightsf
Miss Footiights-Oh, have just made
a great hit.
Miss Harbinger-Indeedi In what
playt
Miss Footlights-Oh. / mean a real
hit. have resolved n package of Jones's
soap with request Tor an autograph.
Confidential Friend 90 elderly but
not unattractive spiDster)--Sn. dear,
you've given up advocating woinen's
rights :.
"Yes; I am now going in for one Of
woman's lefts." I.
Confidential Friend-Women's lefts J
What's that 2 (.
Elderly spinster -Widower, my dear.
: Mrs. Porker-what IL going 20 DO
played at the opera house Tonight
Mrs. wildwest--It Is not decided yet.
- How 10 thatf" f,
"All know about Il Ia what read In
the paper. II says they are going to
play 'Othello.' or the Msor OF Venice
but It didn't say which. For my part I'D
Just as lief see one as the other" .
$50 would l."
Please. sir, CAN'T you give
me little money! haven't n cant to
buy food or medicine, and my wife Is
going 10 die. - Z.
Is the matter with your poor wife =
Mendicant-N Nothing. sir, nothing
Just at present. that IL; but 1'm afraid
she'll die. Everybody is going to die
some time. Amt theyt
Baggs meeting friend -Hello, Squirm.
hear you met with an accident.
Squirm-Yes. car ran over me and
broke three 81 my Iibs. 4.
Baggs-Weli. spose you'll get heavy
damages .se~
Squirm-On the contrary, I'm Just
congratuldtiny myself because the Com
pany has withdrawn n suit they had
against me for impeding traffic while
they wero pulling nc VuL.
A New York druggist, who spent tho
Winter In Texas town for his health.
was asked 10y the genial hotel clerk,
"StrahgcT. what might your business
be p s.-~s->A- -
am pharmacist q:
-. "a what did you say2" ~.
''A pharmacist
| "Oh. yes. a pharmacist Well, You
can buy az good farming land in this
DeighbOihood rs you can find in Texas.
YOU have struck tho right locality,
stranger. II you want to farm. Ill take
you ont this afternoon In my buggy and
show you one I've got to SELL"
Deacon Sllck-Seo that 'ar boss
faint MORN n week since city Teller
offered mo $400 for him. Kinder wish
now Id a-took 10. Too valuable n AMI
NAL for mo TO keep. Say. ~ you was
sorto lookin' for u bargain Ia boss flesh.
| might ;
Stranger-l don't care 10 purchase.
am the tax assessor. (Writos) lone
horse valued al $500
Deacon Slick-Ilold oni Hold onI
Ever since he took the blind staggers.
that boss haIn't been worth
Assessor-But, the city mans offer
Deacon-Before / could close the bar.
gain with him. the keepers came along
an snaked him back to tho insane asy.
lum. Put the boss down on your list az
dear at IS. ,
1 w manu- j-laAItHs you
may give the roam oritter jag o. feed.
Hans-Not! IL thought you said you
could understand English :" II can
English little understand" (Hndeav.
orins to GermaniEe it)--Weli, throw the
morse over the fence some hay. (.
TIE Thrin oT Fren~h women.
The source OF French happiness is 20
DO found In the thrift OF the women from
the bCst middle class TO tho peasantry,
says Max O'Reli. This thrift Is aIso tho
source Of French wealth. We have no
railway kings. no oil kings, no silver
kings, but We have no tenement houses,
no unions, no warehouses;. Our lower
classes do not ape IN Ridiculous Attlres
the upper class, either in their habit or
dress. The wife Of peasant or Of q
mechanic wears simple. snowy cap and
serge or cotton dress. The wife of n
ehopkeeper does not wear any jewelry,
because she caAnOt afford 20 buy real
stones, and her taste Is too good 70 al
low OF her wearing any false ones. She
is not ashamed OF her husbands oceapa-
/ tjOn. She does not play the fine lady