Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-12-14

II Is Sy enough 10 grumDle; IL is also
easy enough to be careful, If one will make
the effort Cheerfulness is good habit !;
it should be cultivated by old, young and
middle-aged. 1t will make the sorrows
and cares of life easier to bear, and it will
make life more acceptable to others.
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.
Miss Van Dash-"Have you met Count
Eusterbee? d.. Blank-"Oh, yes; he
was my butler for some time"-Munseys
Weekly.
Mrs. Bunting-"It seems odd that gas
can be solidifed into bricks" Bunting
Not at all. Lots of men have made rocks
out of it."-Munsey's Weekly.
Jack-aWhy is dough like a man ?'
Susie-"Because it's hard to get off your
hands" Jack-'Oh, no! It's thing the
women knead." d."-Haruard Ldmpoon.
woman can learn 10 ride wheel,
AS well. perhaps, as the average man;
But she can't throw a stone to hit a house,
For she isn't constructed upon that plan
Boston Tdueler.
"Count, | have found an American girl
with 100000 who will marry you"
"How wash her moneys made" "Her
father made it in the soap business" 'She
Won't dop
Customer-"My watch which you re-
paired for me some time ago has stopped"
Jeweler-aAh. my collector informs me
that the bill is still running."-N. Y.
Herald.
Il should think that Dudley would be
careful not to drop his voice in singing"
"Why 500" Because, it is so cracked
nov that it would not take much to break
it."-Lo,ceH Citizen.
"John," asked the Sunday-school teacher
of the new scholar, "what do you know of
the proverb regarding people who live in
glass houses ?' "TheY orter pull down
the blinds."-Puck.
Snagley-"I used to think that Sue was
sweet enough to eat when went to see
her" Chumley-"Why didn't you eat
her them" Snagley-"Because she soured
on me"-West Shore.
Visitor-"Isn't your mother afraid,
Willie, of catching cold in those slippers?'
Willie-"Huh, 1 guess you don't know
them slippers! Ma uses them to warm
the whole family with"
Indignant Citizen" You should not
drive that beer-wagon at such rate
through the streets" Wagon driver
SHaf no fear, meester. Dot beer-vagon
vas SO sthrong dot nossings could hurd it."
Husband-"Why, what in the world
did you get such little bit of bonnet as
that for?'' Wife-"Well, now, don't 60
to making such a fuss about it; just wait
until the bill comes in."-Detrot Free
Press.
Doctor-"You do appear to be in bad
way, that's fact. What's your business"
Patient-"Pm one of the city laborers."
Doctor-"It is as 1 feared. What you re-
quire, my man, is exercise. ."-Boston
Transcript
Mabel-"NIrs. Jaysmith intimated to me
Yesterday, Amy, that you wore false hair
Amy-"The idea! Why, the dealer as
sured me that it was genuine hair, ard
BRAKES Magazine.
The boy with wisdom past his year
Now looks about with care to see,
Which of the Sunday schools appear
Most likely for Christmas tree.
Lynn Nem
81 hear the Bradleys are going South
this winter I thought they'd lost all
their money! "rhey have. That's the
reason they are going. They can wear
their summer clothes all winter, you
known-N. Y. Sun.
"Where there's will there's way"
read the motto of the young lawyer. SIS
that appropriate to your profession ?''
asked friend. "Oh, yes" was the an
swer sWhere there's will there's way
=
Epoch.
Mrs. Young-"Pm afraid my husband is
killing himself with overwork." Mrs.
Odds-.How is thatw Mrs. Young
''Why, when we were first married he al
wavs got home from the Office at 5, and
now he's often kept until 10p- Mmsey's
Weekly.
"We gave you a good notice in our
paper" "Oh, did you? Well, don't do
it again. l don't mind your saying our
vegetables are delicious, and the milk
pure, but when you add that our butter
speaks for itself we object."-Munsey's
Weekly
Blushing bride-elect was rehearsing the
ceremony about to take place. 81 shall
expect you to give me away, papa," she
said. "Pm afraid have done it already,
Caroline" said the old man nervously. Il
told your Herbert this morning you had a
disposition just like your mother's."-
Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Lafferty visitor )-"Y our daughter
has foine touch, Mrs. Moriarity. Mrs.
'-M.-"Yis, so they do be tellin' me; an
sure It's no wonther, for she loves the
pianny an niver tires of it. She has a
great tashte for moosic; but thin that's
ownly natural, for her gran'father had his
skull laid open wild cornct at temper.
ance picnic"-Lye.
Power of Music-Musician- vas de
'Marseillaise' dat make Vrance republic;
it vas Der Watch on der Rhine vat give
victory to Shermany; id vas Yankee
Dootle' vat free America und 'Shon
Browns Body vat free her slaves" Lay
man-"How about the 'Boulanger March?'"
Musician-"Dot march save France from
Boulanger. Ven Boulanger hear id he do
vat We all do-he runned ."-Ne,u
York Weekly.
A sallow-faced woman, with wealth OF
freckles on her long nose, entered an
Austin sfreet-car. There were eight or
ten well-dressed gentlemen in the car, but
none of them showed any inclination to
give her seat. After she waited reason
able time, she remarked with asperity: "Ei
any Of you galoots air waiten' for me to
squat in your laps, you are a sucked-in
crowd, for l want you to understand l am
lady from the ground up" A dread
that she was not in earnest about not sit
ting in their laps caused six of the gentle
men to leave the car.-Teras Sjtings.
Tests for Glib Tongues.
Here are some sentences which rival the
celebrated "Peter Piner's Peck of Picked