Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-10-20

The untanished gold of my last year
Riches have wings, but they always
roosU on the highest branches.
When the treasury gets full it is only
natural to expect that money would be
tight
The barber is the man who will scrape
an acquaintance one moment and cut you
the next.
Consider the caterpillar-he has to
hump himself if he wishes to make any
progress.
An Iowa man named his boy Twice, so
that lightning wouldn't strike him in the
same spot.
Diogones lived in a tub probably be-
cause he did not find it comfortable to
dwell within the pale of civilization.
Three-year-old George was with his
father in the barn. Seeing apitchfork, he
said, Papa, is that what horses eat hay
WITH"
What is sweetcr than to have friend
that you can trust?" asked Golding. "To
have friend that will trust you, replied
Dawkins.
''There, now, isn't that a shame?"
whats the matter?" "Why, l have for
gotten to attend my class in memory Gull
ture!''
Teacher Cat Sunday schooD = Betty,
what do we have to do first before we can
expect forgiveness for our sins? Betty
We have to sin first.
The human race, says DIR. Holmes, is
divided into two classes-those who go
ahead and do something and those who
sit still and inquire.
Mistress Of the house-What is this
botch on the wall paper, Bridget? Bridg-
et-Thats an oil painting, meem. The
stopper kim out of the can.
She-It will be IL pleasure for me to
share your troubles and anxieties. He
But | haven't any. She-Oh, you will
have when you are married
First RectOr-Is your congregation go
ing TO raise your salary this coming year?
Second Rector-Well don't know they
haven't finished raising my last years
salary yet.
Farmer Rake (indignantly)-Sa Bill,
can't you do anythin' but swing in that
hammock all day? Young Rake (home
from college)-Oh, dear, yes! 1 can get
in it, and can get out of it!
Mrs. Rafferty, Cooking at Il camel)-I
tell yez, Dennis, the way they ill trate
these animiles is something awful They
must have bate this poor horse nigh to
death to raise such lump on his back.
Thin Boarder-I don't see how you
manage to fare so well at this boarding
house. l have industriously courted the
landlady and her daughter but I'm half
starved. Fat boarder-I court the cook.
Dumley (impressively)-P my word,
dye know if -aw should see ghost,
1 believe 1 should become a-aw-chat-
tering idiot. Miss Quicker (softly)-Do
tell US about that ghost you did see, Dunn
ley.
Sweet Girl Graduate-So, Clara, you
are set upon going to Sweden for our
wedding trip? Yes, of course, James; you
know in the maps Sweden is always such
a beautiful pink, and pink is so becoming
to me.
One great trouble in doing mean ac
tion is that you are compelled to associ-
ate with yourself afterward. If you could
only have nothing to do with man who
was guilty of such meanness," it would
be relief.
Interpreter - Chief Wango wants no
more beads and brass wire; he says you
can not cross this country unless you
agree to pay his price. African Explorer
What does he want? InteFpreter-Two-
thirds OF the royalties on your text book
Mabel-How do you suppose you can
play tennis in that yard? Papa-Why, my
love, I've had the grounds beautifully
laid out for you. Mebel-Yes, but there's
a high fence around it. How is any one
going to see our tennis suits in place
like that?
'sWell, landlord, here's pretty how
dye do; you go and charge me $3.50 for
a bed when you knew very well that the
house was so full that l had to sleep on
the billiard-table." ''Well, sir; please
look at our rules posted up on the wall
there; Use of billiard-table 25 cents an
hour"
fellow thinking to appear smart, en-
tered a notion store on Sixth Avenue the
other day and said to one of the sales
ladies, ''Ever have any call for husbands
here?" "Oh, yes. occasionally. Are you
docking for a MARKET" Yes said
Smarty. "All right Step right up on
the ten cent counter"
Here Is "A good description of seasick-
ness by a six-year-old boy: Little johnny
had been visiting lately at Il place where
they had big swing, which is highly pop
u'ar with the rising generation. When
he returned home his father asked /:
well. johnny, did you swing in the big
sWingY" '.Yes, little, papa. but it made
4ny head ache 10 my stomach SO that
had to stop,