Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-12-27
CURRENT rEwspApER WIT.

The cyclone is anything but q builder,
but 1t can rsze house quicker than any
experimentation Traveller.
In the market coffee is said to be strong
and growing stronger. But it isn't that
way in the restaurants.-SdrannahN ems.
Cit.-"Why do New York gamblers dress
80 poorlyp" Wit-"Because the police
live in browAstone houses" -Teras SJt.
ings.
Mr.. Puffe-"Have you busted the bottles,
Patrick" Butler-"Yis. sor: wan more
shovel full, an they'll look loike raal an
taques.n-Puck
Did you ever hear of such thing2 Be-
gum says in his new house he's going to
have his attic in his cellar" "Oh, that
story don't go down."-Puck.
DR.. Thirdly (of Chicago)-"Brothe
Laker, l have just married two couples who
have been divorced and then fell in love
with each other again" Laker-"Why
don't you hang out sign, Repairing
Done?'"
Legal Luminsry-"Ysu say you took
5000. How much more cash is left in the
safe?" Defaulter-sAbout $1,000 more"
Legal Luminary-"Go back and get it. In
case of this magnitude my retainer is
always $4,000 Boston Globe.
Aunt Polly-"Come hesh, chile, an tole
yo' ole nanny de tex wat de preacher
TOXIN to- his disclose dis mo nin'." Mss
ter George-"I disremember exactly, mann.
my, but it ended, Many am cold, but few
am frozen. Harper BaSar.
Your husband is less at home now than
ever" reiterated the minister. do you
try to make home attractive to him ?n
DO :? should say did. And not only
| that hnt I've or 70
with US to help make it still more pleasant
| for him."
And he was a reader of the mind,
And she maiden fair.
$50 let me read your mInd." said he,
With way quite debonair.
"Nay, do not try, the maiden said,
ITO read q mind that's grown.
Try first small and simple one;
Pray, try to read your own"
Doctor Bolus-"Yo re not looking well,
| Benedict! You don't have enough fresh
| air in your room at night I'm afraid"
Banedict-'Don'I, Ell? Well. if you could
see me doing the grand promenade with
! my fresh heir in my arms every night, you
wouldn't say sou
strawber-"That was pretty good trick
that was played on gas company in Chi
cago. A fellow out there disconnected his
meter, put rubber tube around it, and for
months they didn't discover that he had
been robbing them" Singerly-"What
did they do with him then ?" Strawber-
They made him one Of the directors of
the company."-LJe.
Mrs. Porkupine (of the West}-'Now,
there is charming imported vase. must
buy it at any price," Dealer-.'It's very
fine piece but it is of domestic manufact-
ure and exceedingly cheap -only 3d."
Mrs. Porkupine = do you mean it?"
Certainly, madam" Mrs Porku.
pine-"What a shame! And so lovely %
American Stotioner.
| If tongues were all attached to brains,
| II hogs were barred from railway trains,
If folks would stop at home who cough,
Ifempty guns would not go off.
If cats would only sleep at night,
If money would not get SO tight,
| II ladies hats were less uncouth.
If weather clerks would tell the truth
| If fishermen would stick to facts,
II men would sit between the acts,
| 1t fads and foibles were tabooed,
| If death would kindly steal the dude,
How thankful we should be
An exchange tells good story of lady
author, recently returned from Russia,
| who at dinner party. said: Men in this
country DON know how to love. If you
| want to see real love, you must go to Rus
sia; there man says: BE mine or die p''
Spoken dramatically and with her eyes
flashing, everybody looked immensely in
terested until courtly old man rose up
| from his chair, and, bowling graciously
responded: "Oh, madam, how thankful we
ere that you came back to this country
1 aliye.n