The Sunday herald and weekly national intelligencer., 1890-08-03

ago. said it with tears he said it with a short,
snappy bark, that suggested a curt goodbye to
the land where they know how to roast as well
as to broi, and where milk does have cream on it.
bedewed Chum with my tears, he being the
only masculine person on whom had right to
weep, and have always claimed that whenever
you want to relieve yourself by good cry you
do not wish to repose upon anything feminine.
Cbum has looked at my briny tears and felt sorry
for me, and when took him down to the of
the butcher felt sorry for him. This butcher is
not Il sanguinary man, he told me quite confiden-
italy that he knew how dog felt himself, and
that he would see that my companion visited me
frequently, because, as he sagely remarked,
"When you are at sea, and you hare got some
thin belongn' to you-somethn attached to you
by ties of blood or otherwise-it's nature to want
it near you.' Probably Chum's attachment to
me is otherwise; but regard the butcher as a
man not only of feeling and sentiment but as a
master of English. Anybody who realizes what
is mature" has got very close to the secret of life.
WHEN WOMAN COMES SAILING HOME
The average woman does nothing but talk
about how she can get her things through the
custom house; she considers 1t IA duty she owes to
society to smugge little Bit and If she can only
put frlls @ Of real lace on her night gown and trim
ennes she believes she has doue what is right.
Apropos of silk petticoats they seem to be the
standard presents to bring home; everybody
wants one and when you go out to sea in bowl
mean in Il ship-and get over where silk petit
would be mighty mean woman If you didn't
bring one back to your friend. Everybody is
telling everybody else how little she paid for any
thing, and after listening for while you become
convinced that the truth in all its purity is not
being given; Instead sts t OF wanting to tell how
desire to make you think they got things for alb
ssolutely nothing. Just to try, ! announced that
1 got crepe lisse handkerchief for a sixpence,
and a woman near me deliberately said that that
was nothing; she only paid apenny apiece for
hers
WHEN LOVELY WOMAN PREvARICATEs.
1t may be the sea air that is demoraizing, or it
may be that the passengers are cultivating their
imaginations, but have never in all my life
heard such yarns as the women on board are tell
ing. Everybody who Went to Monte Carlo won
signed dresses for everybody else. Virot had
wondered who would ever look well in special
bonnets until this special tribe appeared and at
the hotels every blessed one of them occupied the
room that was slept in by the Prince of Wales.
sleep all around everywhere. MY friend women esS
are without exception the most idiotic liars in
the world There is no method there is simply
key with the truth. Nobody believes them-they
know nobody believes them-but they go on with
their pleasing little tctions just the same, as if
they were convinced they had characters like
WashiDgton's.
AT AN OCEAN CONCERT.
Last night we had n benefit for the orphans
and widows of sailors, when the usually inter-
esting performance was given. young man,
who, if he would put on his sisters clothes,
would look like girl, Ia young man with a
pretty manner and who thinks it's nice. to use
hair oh so sweety y recited one of Owen
Meredith's POEMS 1t would have brought tears
to the eyes OF the widows and orphans; the
tire audience was in u state of mild hysteria,
and one girl gave vent to scream that sounded
Quoted out of the saloon, and her mother said
she was always that way when she heard sad
have been an awful thing If the young man had
thought she was laughing at him.
FUTURE PRIMA DONNA.
Then there was a young woman who has been
studying music three years in Italy, and who is
the coming prima donna. She was asked to
sing ballad, and she shifted in the most con-
temptuous way; she had her maid open her
trunk and got out real evening frock with
looked at it and wondered if it was paste. and
said some cheap French dressmaker made that
wss dt Py har bg sy aSn fit her
bad-looking girl. She filled the place with
melody; at at least, a l suppose that is what you
would call 1t. Having fondness myself for
the street piano and the barrel organ, 1 cannot
be supposed to get up to the heights that this
she was done we all said. 'How intense ~ and
we wondered that we didn't meet anxious man
ayers coming out in row-boats to get hold of
her; and one lady in n scarlet silk gown and
Soapet made Of ro red Peoples said that she at
prima donna kissed her.
REAL ART FOR DESSERT.
Then there was real true live actor ON board
who had been urged to sing. He said. "Why
not make it high jinks? ?" and everybody else
said, why not?" So he sang Little Annie
Rooney" and the audience came ia on the chorus
and thought for the first time that they were
getting the worth of their money, and the or
phans and widows lUerG deserving. The butcher
came up and brought the dogs, and they walked
on their hind legs for biscuits-that is what /
called real art. Then we all sang God Save the
Queen" and the dogs walled at the top of their
voices in the chorus, and after that 1.-The Star
Spangled Banner was lifted to the air and
then, as special compliment to me, the real
actor played Way Down South in Dixie"
AYOUNG MANS BIRTHDAY CAKE.
The next most exciting thing was birthday
the young man who recited owen Meredith be-
came twenty five years old one day. and we got
up contribution and had a most lovely cake
made ior him. and when he came in to dinner
there 1T was with twenty-five candles Just in
front or his place. Do you know, because some
people had been mean enough to smile at his
powder ana TO think that for his sake it was a
put knife in that cake? He believed it had
cotton or pepper, or some other dreadful thing
in it, and he refused to cut it, so a wise virgin of
about forty-tiye asked him to give it to her. and
he said "All right" She took it up on deck and
cut it, and we sat there and ate that beautiful
cake and never even gave him so much as a plum
out of it, He probably went away and wept Bit
terly. Some of the others wept later In the
as q rich plum cake and the bounding sea did
not seem to be exactly in harmony.
BRINGING HOME PRESENTS.
If you have to sell your soul your friends at
home expect you to bring them back something.
The general idea is that that is what you went
abroad for, and that you are delighted to squan-
der your few ducats in catering to their tastes.
Next to silk petticoats, If you want to make
woman happy, bring her some of those pretty
liSsa and silk handIerchiefS that NAV he GOTTEN