davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14

First theground is broken for a
railroad, and then the railroad is
broken for the benefit of the mortga-
ges.
What are the most unsociable
things in the world? Milestones for
YOU will never find two of them to-
gether.
i,ulwer mnde mistake when lie
said, "In the bright lexicon ofyoutll
there's no such word as fail" for a
hoy out West has Just settled with
his creditors for ten cents ona dollar.
Little Flaxen Hair:-Papa, its rain
ing. Papa somewhat annoyed by
work in hand):-Well. let it rain.
Little Flaxen Hair ltimidly): ] was
going to.
a newly made widow ON Stuyve-
SAINT Avenue has got the mourning
fever so bad that she only strikes
the black keys when playing the
piano.
She: Harry, you would make a
poor soldier" He: "a poor soldier!
Why. Maud?" She: "Because yo,l
don't seem to know how to use your
arms" (Tablcau.)
sit strikes me-" said n Buffalo
man, "that We do not want any war
with Canada. When we were drafted
in 1SG1-4, We knew where to go: but
in ease of trouble with Canada, where
could we go?'
Mr.. tIoncymoon-"Did you sew
that button on my coat, darling?'
Mrs. lloneymoon-"No, sweetheart.
couldn't find the button-but |
sewcd up the buttonhole, and it's al
right"
Wihble: "Wlat do You think Of
this idea Of adopting the suntlower
ais the national ilower?" Wabble:
"lretty good idea, think. 1t is
typical OF quite n numerous class 81
Americans. 1t makes big spread
all summer. and is seedy in the fall. "
Old River Captain Shaking his
head dejectedly and shifting his qui,l
to the other check ,-"Steamboatin
amt what it used to he. If that
bier explosion on the MISSISSIPPI the
other day had happened 25 years
ago it would have killed MORN 200
people, at the least calkilation"
My BRETHREN" said u Western
minister, preaching of the gospel to
some people is like pouring water
over nsponge,-itsoaksin and stays.
TO others it is like tho wind blowing
through q chicken-coop. My expert.
encc of this congregation is that it
contains more chicken-coops than
sponges."
City editor, to new reporter: "You
say this man was blown up by a can
of nitro-glycerine. but you don't
state whether he is dead or alive"
New reporter: Il waited around
there three four or five hours, but
couldn't learn it," City editor:
"Why couldn't you learn it?" New
reporter: "Bccause he hadn't come
down yet when l left"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
ssnak

TheFe afs places II South CO.
whore men extract Oh from the rat
tlssnaks and uss II to cure rheuma.
tsm. These persons will give q negro
q topoint outa rattlesnaks to them,
and then they kill it in q peculiar
manner. They place a forked stick
over the snakes head. then put q
cord around it and strange the
snake. This is done to keep the
snake from biting itself. The body
Of the reptile is then strung up and
the oil extracted from It. It sells at
81 per ounce. and this industry is q
very profitable one. The snakes in
that section are very large. averag-
ing five feet in length, and one RATHER
gives up great deal of oil. A little
negro once saw two rattlers lying
close together and wanted to get tile
money for finding them. 1t was q
mile to the nearest house. He was
afraid the snakes would crawl off
while he was gone, and so he tookoff
his coat and placed it between the
snakes. He went off, came buck,
and found them still cycling the coat.
He had them charmed. So the snake
is cultivated down there as a profit
able MANIFESTATIONS (Ga. Banner.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
Wanted a Soft Snap.

Recently, says the Pittsburg Times,
a man slightly under the influence OF
liquor approached tho guard stand
ing Mt the door Of the recruiting sta
ton of the United States Army. Penn
Avenue, and addressing the soldier
said: sis this the place to enlist for
the army"
Eyes, sir" replied the uniformed
gentleman.
81 believe that l would like to enlist
and go to the Allegheny Arsenal, at
Lnwerenceville. That is n pretty nice
place, and | think the soldiers have
pretty soft snap"
But, why do you want to join the ar.
my?" asked the soldier. care youi in
trouble and wish to withdraw from
the world and drown your sorrow in
|. the quiet life of q soldier or are you
out of employment and are disheart-
enei?"
"Neither of these" said the appli-
can't for army honors. ~ have been
a Woodworking man all my life,
and now [ want to take u rest and
know OF no other softer snap than to
be soldier"
"Well, now, justlisten one moment
and will explain the matter to you.
In the first place, the chances IRE ten
to one that if you enlist you will re-
greet it within three months, and
then wish you were back in Pitts
burg. There is no way of getting
back until your time expired, and il
you desert and come back you will
he retaken, court-matialed and
sentenced to undergo Imprisonment
at hard labor for five years. None
but those of long service can get
an opportunity tocome to Pittsburg
and be stationed ut the arsenal or
recruiting stations. You would be
sent West and be compelled to do
sentinel duty at the camp and be out
in all kinds Of weather, with no l,eer
or whiskey to drive out the frost and
dampness."
"Well," said the applicant with
surprise; eff that ia the case, / don't
helieve that 1 want to become a
soldier. lam very much obliged to
you for yourinformation. shall go
back to my trade and cut stone.
Goodbye. IT. you find me back here
again kick me out, will you?"
With these words he left, but
came back again and asked the
guard to come out and have q drink.
Nothing damps the ardor OF app!i-
cants for military honors more than
to describe the realities of u soldier
life.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
He Wanted to Hire A Cook,

Michael and Mary Brennan were
married in Cork, Ireland, in 1852,
and came to America in 1856. They
made their way to st. Louis, where
they were living at the breaking out
of the rebellion. Mr.. Brennan was O
stonemason by trade, and was never
in want of q job. He was economical,
and he soon had enough money to
purchase u little home for his wife
and four children who occupied it
when the husband and father enlisted
in the 9th Missouri cavalry in 1864.
While defending Fayette from u raid
made by Bill Anderson, Brennan was
severely wounded, and being dressed
in citizens clothes, he was thought to
be one of the guerrillas, and was
placed on a horse and taken to n farm
house about five miles out of the city.
When Bremen recovered from his
wound the war was practically over.
He was reported as one of the dead,
but Joined his company in time
to be mustered out.
He was but the ghost of himself,
but he received an honorable dis
charge and went back to St. Louis
in search of his family. He was in
formed that Mrs. Brennan and the
children had left St. Louis in 1862
for Providence, r. l., where she had
relations. Mr.. Brennan proceeded
to that place and instituted a search
for his family. but could not find
them. For nearly two years Bren-
nan kept up the search, but giving
them up as lost he went to New
Orleans, where he remained six years.
He then went to Colorado and en-
gagged in mining, successfully max
ing a big strike in the Red Mountain
district.
Two years ago, says q Helena cor
respondent, Brennan came to Mon
tana and engaged in mining. and
last Tuesday lie came to Helena
i'll search of IL cook. He was
told ut the employment agency
that there was an old woman
who wanted II position. Bren-
nan preferred Il man, but when told
that the woman's name was Brennan
he concluded to have her. They met
yesterday forenoon, and Brennan
closed the contract Mt once, for he
recognized in the old woman who
wanted u situation his lost wife.
He had not seen her for twenty
eight years. The recognition was
mutual, and in each others arms ex-
plantations were made. Mrs. Brennan
thinking her husband was dead and,
having four children dependent upon
her for support, concluded to go to
San Francisco. She did well there
and accumulated quite sum OF
money, which she lost in n bad spec
ulation.
Mr.. Brennan has enough of this
worlds goods. He has remained
loyal to the wife of his youth, and
will comfort her in her declining
VparS
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
Americans and Royalty,

1t is curious fact, and one only
just beginning to be comprehendc,l
i'll the United States, that Americans
OF both sexes have, ut one time or
another: enjoyed far more popular
ity, with royal personagcs than have
any Europeans of u rank below that
OF the highest aristocracy. A very
Intelligent explanation has been
given Of this. In Europe everybody,
outside of the charmed circle i'm
mediatcly surrounding kings and
queens, stands so much in awe Of the
sovereign and royal family that they
are formal and constrained in the
presence of even the remotast rela-
tive OF crowned head. Americans,
on the other hand, willie rendering
all due respect to the prince or prin-
cess to whom they may have been in
PRODUCED, are won't to chat with
them aggreeably and vivaciously rs
with any other acquaintance, with
out being struck dumb by the high
station of the august person
age. One can readily i'm
agine what q pleasant change such
bright and unrestrained CONVERSE
ton must be to those whose inter-
course with his or her countrynlen
or women, outside the immediate
groups of personal attendants is
limited to eyes, your Highncss," or
'No, your Highness," uttered with
bated breath and with I'm air of in
tense reverence.
Before the United States was
carcel y nation there were cases Of
Americans hob-nobbing with the rul-
ers of the "effete monarchies." Paul
Jones, for instance, the famous naval
hero, was on the best of terms with
Louis xvi, of France, and with
Catherine of Russia. before the nd.
vent of 80. Count Rumford, u na-
tive OF Massachusetts, who lived and
fourislled ut the same period, was
the closest friend and political nd.
wiser OF the Elcctor of Bavaria.
Washington Irving once trotted
Eugene, when she was u child, upon
his knee, and entertained Napoleon
III. Mt Sunnyside, while, to cite an
example from the other sex, We have
the case of the daughter of General
Cadwalader of Philadelphia, whose
daughter Frances married into the
grent Erskine family of England,
whose descendants to-day include
the present Dnkc of Portland and
the son Of Lord Archibald Campbell,
prospective Duke of Argyll.-Phila-
delphia Times.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14

little girl, Ind had almost loved her
az Q woman It was q sad pleasure
to see hsr row and then, and one
afternoon ! found her looking 80
much brighter that l suggested a
little walk. It was spring, and the
air was very mild as we strolled in
the almost deserted park. But soon
she tired and we sat on one of the
iron benches idly Watching the work.
ers hurry home through thegrowing
dusk. Ihad risen to take her home
when she suddenly grasped my arm.
''Who is that" she said honrsely,
pointing to man walking slowly
toward the lake. "Who is TT"
1t was Torrance.
Erred" she said, "you were always
q friend of his and mine; go and tell
him am here and that l wish to
speak to him."
i hesitated n moment, and her
dreadful cough came on. At the dis
tressing sound Torrance turned to
US, and then he saw her. A soft and
lovely smile came over his face.
MARY" he said, just in the same
voice that / had heard when stood
years before at the library door and
saw them standing together by the
fire. And then, ut the remembrance
of that hour, he covered his face to
hide her from his sight.
Very gently, she moved the hands
that hid his lace. at is l." she said.
II wished to speak to you"
"And why?" he said bitterly. All
that you and can say to each other
is long since said-and forgotten"
enc, no, not forgotten" she cried
wildly; ooh, John, how could l
But neither John Torrance nor
any man heard her Justification. A
hoarse sound came from her throat,
and as she turned feebly to me I saw
blood upon her lips.
He did not attempt to touch her,
but stood as if turned to stone by
the dreadful sight.
Call Il carriage, man," cried fran
tically, "she is dying" And / took
her home.
That was almost a year ago, and
she is dead.
Barton paused apprehensively as a
heavy footstep drew near and the
door was opened. Torrance stood
on the Threshold, in his hand u
crushed white paper. A strange pale
illumination appeared upon his face.
He looked ut Barton and held the
paper toward him.
"She is Dead" he snid simply.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
Avery Valuable BOOK.

~ WV V&SASsS SOne
We ~ items sometimes about the
value Of rare books ip<ths hands Of
bibllomaniacs or ss auction sales,
but there is now N San Francisco a
a volume than Which there arc few
moro valuable in the world. It IL
worth exactly $50, OOO-not q fancy
price, either. Thirty thousand dol
lars 10 its actual cash value. It il
the register of the whereabouts and
identity of 8, 900 Chinese corpses In the
city cemetery, oil of which will have
to be dug up and returned to China
In due time, while q disinterment per-
init costs SO. The ex-superintend.
ent OF the cemetery has the book,
and says that he made it, and that,
therefore, it is his own private prop
erty. The health officer thinks it be-
longs to the city. We think so, too,
for it is clearly the duty of the su-
perintendent Of the cemetery to keep
register or list of the graves and
their contents. We hope that
prompt action will be taken to pre-.
vent destruction or disappearance
of the book pending legal settlement
gifts ownership.-San Francisco Re-
port,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
evssLEs.

IN q garden fl'd with sunshine,
Two fair children gaily plny'd,
Blowing bubbles large and airy,
laughing at their skill displny'd;
Fill'd with glowing, changing beauty,
Forth they tloated on the mir.
Then, as Zephyr rudely kiss'd them,
Dying in their beauty fair.
Observation-Disclosures they fly,
Mounting gully to the sky:
Watch their lovely colours glow,
Floating-fonting-on they gol
In this world OF rain and sunshine,
Do not We, or grave or gny,
Blow our bubbles, like the children,
Like them. watch them fadc away
Hopes aud longings-loves and doubtings-
just as iragiie-just us fair,
Just MS dclicnte and fleeting
As the bubbles flonting there.
Bubbles-bubhlcs-sce they fly,
Monnting-gaily to the sky:
See their lovely colours glow,
Floating, fading-on they go!
Cecil Lorraine
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
Apos1V

Old Hobs61
dead q month, whom one morning B,
caught up his horse, saddlsd him
with an old sheepskin furnished with
rope stirrups, and mounting, rode Of
down the "hog path" leading ia
Squire Benson's in the interior Of
Missouri. Hobson was in a hurry,
but the old horse wash t and went on
at q leisure gait.
"Drat sicll or jokin' critter," old
Snm unused. as he kicked and thump.
ed his heals against the old plugs
bony sides. feller'sin er hurray
he'd best walk"
lie thunped and kicked till at last
the "critter" broke into a jogging
trot, which he held for u dozen Yards,
then relapsed again into his natural
gait, q sort of cross between O walk
and q crawl,
Riding up to Benson's front gate,
Sam Hobson "helloed" two or three
times, and then Il grizzled, gray, un-
shorn head was thrust out ut the
slightly opened door, and a voice ex-
claimed:
'How'dy, Hobson! Git down, git
down."
"Haint time, reckon, Squire"
"Summat of er hurry, eh?"
"Yas, Pm er goin' ter git married,
an want yer to go long an jine
u.s."
"Who yer goin' to marry, Sim?"
"Dunno for shore yit, but rather
'spect I'll jine onter old Miss Skaggs. "
Spoke to FER erbout it l reckon?"
"No, not yit hain't, but reckon
it'll be all right with her. II ithain't
we'll go on down to Miss Thomp-
sons. l know she'll DO willin'.
Thought I'd take yer long SOS ter
nuke one trip do, an hev it over.
Tain't no use ter foolin' erway two
days er gettin' married, when ther
crop is in ther grass, an asides,
marryin'er wife hain't no more'n
buyin' of u hoss."
Eyer sensible thar, Sim, thesquire
said as he led forth his horse, and he
and Hobson rode away to Widow
Skaggs' domicile.
When they rode up the widow was
out in the buck yard boiling soap
She knew old Hobson's GRAND as
quick as she noted the fact that he
was wearing q white shirt and that
his shoes had been freshly dressed
with coat of cold tallow.
"Gevcnin', Miss Skags," Sim said.
"Howdy, Hobson," she replied.
"I've tuck or notion ter marry
ergin," Hobson went on, "an, me
an ther squirrels come ter see eff yer
"When?"
"Right now, o. case. fotch
ther' Squire erlong fer thatpurpose."
oval, ! han't thought much of it,
but bein' as you've gone ter the
tryublco' bringin' ther squire. reck-
on ! mout Us well marry yer"
"Drive uhead then, Squire" Hob
son snid, "we're ready"
Glitch yer fists," the Squire COM
manded, ''an' less get through, fer
lgottef tote err turn o. corn ter mill. {"
! "l'm ready" the widow said, tax.
ing old Hobson's hand, "but hurry
up, fer that fetched soups goin' to
bile over"
The Squire went through the cere-
mony in short order, while the wild
ow kept her eye ON the soap kettle
| to see that it did no bile override
troit Free Press.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
A Curious Fish.

I. Peraccio, an Italian fisherman
Of Oakland, brought up strange
fish from the bay in his seine yester-
day. The catch. while not O mon
strosity, is q piscatorial curiosity,
none of the fishermen of the bay hav-
ing ever seen it's like. 1t is about
eighteen inches in length, of a brown
ish color, and of peculiar shape. The
head so far as q casual examination
can determine, is devoid of eyes, and
the body is covered by a coat which
opens in q double flap in the back.
The head is provided with several
prongs and feelers.-San Francisco
Examiner.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
Wonders Of tie Human Heart.

Wonders Of the Human Heart.
The workings of the human heart
have been computed by a celebrated
Psychologist, and he has demolished
that it il equal to the lifting of 100
tons in "a hours. Presuming that
the blood il thrown out of the heart
at each pulsation in the proportion
OF 60 strokes per minute, and ut
the assumed force Of 8 feet, the mil
eage OF the blood through the body
might be taken ut 2O7 yards per
minute, z miles per hour, 178 miles
per'day, 81 1920 miles per year, or
5,l5O,SSO miles in O life time of "a
years. The number ofbeats of the
heart in the same long life would
reach the enormous total of $780,
ZIG, O0O!-Detroit Free Press.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
The Teeth of Idiots.

A peculiar tendency in idiots to
imperfections and disease in tile teeth
has been noticed by several pl,ysi-
clans, and it has been studied by
Nine. Sollier In one hundred cases OF
idiots taken at random. The multi
plicity and variety of the dental
LESSONS were remarkable, and the con-
illusions has been drawn that idiocy,
with or without pilepsy, predisposes
to arrests OF development and to
anomalies of dentition. The effect
rarely appears In the first teeth, but
almost Wholly in the seconl.-New
York TELEGRAM.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14

A heavy rain was falling and the
street car was crowded. A sweet
young girl entered and glanced tim
idly around. "Take my seat, MISS"
exclaimed the hollow-eyed consump.
tive near the door, seeing that the
hurley, beeffed man sitting next to
him did not offer to rise. "Thank
you, SIR" she replied. And that
sweet young girl, with dripping Cos
samer, sat down by the side OF the
hurley individual and drenched him
with cold rain water till he could feel
his spinal column growing shorter,
while the hollow-eyed consumptive
hung on q strap, dry and happy.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
Thankful to the Australians.

The Australians deserve the thanks
Of Americans ofevery faith for their
kindness in Offering themselves as
subjects for an exhaustive test of
social theories. The United States is
n vast body and it naturally dislilses
to take any chances in the manage
ment of it's own tremendous indus
trial system. But it has no objection
to watching oil the en- ertainment of
that kind that people in other parts
OF the world may be disposed to give
it. The Australians have given us a
good ballot system, they may yet
work out some useful ideas for us in
other directions.-San Francisco Ex-
aminer.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14
confldenee segot Of Success.

So confident re the manufacturers of that
vorld.famed remedy. Dr., Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery, that it sill do all that
they represent, in the cure oliver, blood and
lung diseases, that, after witnessing its
thousands Of cures for many years past, they
now feel warranted in selling it las they ore
doing through druggists) under positive
guarantee OF its giving satisfaction in every
case, or money paid for it will be refunded
No medicine Of ordinary merit could be sold
under such severe conditions with profit to
its proprietors, and no other medicine fortl,e
diseases for which it is recommended was
ever before sold under u guarantee of cure
or no pay. In oil blood tants and impur.
ties Of whatever name or nature, it is most
positive in its curative Objects Pimples
blotrhes, eruptions and oil skin and scalp
diseases are radically cured by this wonder
full medicine. Scrofulous disease may affect
the glands, causing dwellings or tumors; the
bones causing "Iever-sores." white swell.
lings" or "hip,joint disease or the tissues
Of the lungs, causing pulmonary consunp-
ton. No matter in which one Of it's myriad
forms tcrops out, or manifests itself, "Gold-
en- Medical Discovery" will cure tiff used
perseveringly and In time.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14

1t is reported that the Alpinites
are greatly excited over the falling
of an immense meteor in the vlcin-
ity OF Mount Bullion. The ball OF
fire, which is described as much larger
than the Markleville court house,
struck with q force that made the
earth tremble, giving o report like a
cannon. The citizens of Alpine have
been out securing the hills in search
of the aerolite. Although many peo-
pie saw it fall, opinions differ in loca-
ton from five to ten miles.-Genoa
(Nev. Courier.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14

Il really what The Youths Companion il. II
publishes each year as much matter az the
i t3 monthlies; and 's illustrated BY
home, and always an entertaining and whole.
some companion. 1t has n unique place in
American family life. If You donot know II,
you will be surprised to see how much can bs
given for the small sum Of $1.75 ycar. The
price sent now will entitle you to the papel
to January. 1901. Address,
TIE YouTn's COMPANION, Boston, Mass
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14

As lrishman was asked for his marriage
large scar on the head, evidently done with q
fiat IRON. This evidence was to the point
Our certificates are the praises of those who
have experienced wonderful cures by the use
Of DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup
Salvation OIL is the greatest cure on earth
for pain. 1t affords Instant relief and speedy
cure to all sufferers from rheumatism
neuralgia, headache, sore throat, cuts
bruises. &c. Price 25 cents.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-14

81 have mislaid the book contain
ing the names ofmy PATIENTS" said
u physician. "That is no serious
loss. replied u friend; "you can find
most of them on the tombstones in
the cemetery"