Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-02-09

could get ready, and so they are no nearer
to floating the stage away than when they
first began. asked the head man ii be
would get me q glass OF water. He said he
had to remain in order to attend to the cur
tain. As we do not use any curtain OF
scenery or properties, except a glass o.
water and q stick of hoarhound candy, ]
thought he could be spared, but he did moi
seem to think so, and got small boy IC
bring me the water while the head boy, now
the stage Napoleon, went to reading once
more the thrilling tale, Married in Haste
to Repent at Chicago; or, How Won Her, u
by A. Oner, Esq.
A VERY TIRED YOUNG MAN.
He was the tiredest young man for one
who was just in the fluff and bloom and hey
day of life that 1 ever saw. He had a very
retreating chin. Otherwise he would moi
have had the strength of purpose to spit
over it. His forehead also asked to be ex-
cused and went back into his hair in search
of ideas and one thing and another, l
judge.
One of his front teeth had disappeared.
Doubtless kicked out by an infuriated horse
while the two were sleeping in the same
stall, the horse being tied, however, and un-
able 10 get away, using his only means of
discoursging a bed fellow with whom he
could certainly have nothing in common.
The loss of his tooth gave him greater scope
as an expectorator, and would have assisted
his smile if he had ever smiled, but he never
smiled. 1t is very rare that such man
laughs. His dignity and a set OF liverwurSt
thought works in a poor state of preserya-
tion, are all he has. Life is a serious matter
with an ass. do not say this TO be euphoni-
Gus, but from the rich and overfowing treas
ures Of ripe experience. q thought
would say that before some one else did it
for me.
The ass is always sad and dignifed. He
is profound and mOurnful. If YOU desire
to see solemnity, dignity and mental OBJ
hqultv, 90 to the penitentiary and to the
corral when the deep voiced ass with the
low, retreating forehead trills his tremend-
Gus notes in the hush of the evening
My dead friend, Mr.. Shaw, once said that
dignity was no more the sign of wisdom
than the paper collar was the sign of a
shirt, and L can put my hand on my heart
and say he was right
BALL IN NEW YORK.
En- route 1 have received several letters
and queries from readers and correspondents.
which [ will take the liberty of answering
here if hear no objection prior to the oub-
licaton of this
'Retire Pennypaeker," Toledo. Obio
asks what the cost of a ball would be ii
properly given to ones friends in New
York.
A recent estimate is as follows, as nearly
as / can recollect:
Rent of ballroom eonoo
Orchids, palms. etc...........,,,., % mn
Floral faVors for ladies. .............. 4 mn
Jeweled favors for German, say at SO
apiece, Say............. --........... 10000
(Wnen your company comprises other
nationaltIes than German you might
make il for less).
Dinner at $40 per plate.................... 10000
B. and s. for following morning. 10 SSS SSS
Total...... 600
OF course slight reductions could be made
on this, say if you use field glasses with
powdered alum on them and pressed autumn
leaves instead of the orchids, you can save
from 81 ,OOe to $1,000. Or if you want to
trim your hall with festoons OF seed corn
and dried apples instead of palms, you NAV
cut down this bill $1,000 or s., 500. Again,
you might cheaper the floral offerings to the
ladies by using paper flowers, or postponing
the ball until golden rod gets within the
reach of all. A dinner in New York may
also be arranged much cheaper than SO a
plaJe, by having several bright conversation
alists at each end of the table and skipping
the horse doovers, arriving at once at the re-
moves of, say broiled pigs foot on toast a
bottle of Ann Hizer Sec and ice cream.
HUMoKIsTs ARE USEFUL.
A bright conversatlonalist or a good
humorist who is willing to give q fair
equivalent for his food can save you at such
. meal hundreds Of dollars. You might