Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-08-30
WISE AND UNWIS e.

AW, YOU mike me tlfeu, as Sne
wagon-wheel said to the blacksmith.
WHERE ignorance is bliss 'twere folly
to SPEND 81, 200 year 10 send boy to
Harvard.
"HE is too lazy to go to Sleep" "Ohl
the ideaW Fact, nevertheless. He
just simply falls ssleep."
"SHE is very plain. isn't she?".
YES" said the Bpston woman; she is
the most obvious j.. son in the ROOM
A MAN may be MANNED for life if he
concludes to go on clutches until he
gets damages FIR injuries received in
railroad accident.
NEEDLESS ALARM. Sentry-Stop!
Who goes there? Country woman
with large bssSetJ-You needn't be
afraid. shan't hurt you.
A PoRK-PACEING plant has been
established at San Francisco on ground
leased for ninety-nine years. A year
more and it would have been a century
plant.
FIRST TRAMP suppose you struck
tender chord when you told your pitt
ful story to the lady? Second Tramp
Not bit of it. 1t was the toughest
wood | ever tried to saw.
YOUTHFUL SPRGG-I wonder what
you'd do, you know, if 1 told you l
loved You Youthful Sprigess-I can't
imagine. (After fervid pause.)
Wouldn't you like to ascertain?
MAMMA Ito Tommy)-Pm sure you
and your sister quarrelled over that
orange and that James had to interfere.
Whose part did he take, Tommy?
Tommy-Whose part? He took the
whole orange.
A JUDGMENT She-Who is that
gentleman who seems to be attracting
so much attention? He-Why, that's
one of our most popular spring poets.
She-H He looks too old and tough to be
spring poet.
PHILOSOPHICAL BoARDER-Life is I'M
certain. We are here to-day, but
where tomorrow? Boarding House
Mistress--Ies, that's what makes keep
ing boarding house associated with
considerable rink.
JOHNSON is a mem man." $50
they say" Il know it. / borrowed
twenty dollars of him ono day last
week and returned it next day, aud he
was actually too mean to allow me five
per cent. off for cash down.
His DESIRE GRATIFIED. -@Ah, low
| would like to listen to you all night"
said Clarence, as he rose to go. Six
months after they were married he
Glanced to stop out fifteen minutes
after his hour, and he had his desire
gratifed.
4 GUESS I'm going to get punished
again" said Willie a, his mother left
the room. Why don't you bear the
olive branch OF peace to your mammal
Nope" said the urchin emphatically.
"The chances are that she'd use it to
switch me with
"BUT, Clara, that cloak you have on
is the very one would not get you be-
cause it was so expensive" Yes,
John, dear, but l bought it afterwards,
because l could not bear to think how
you would reproach yourself for your
obstinacy in not getting it for me.
JlM-That's pretty girl, Jack, driv-
ing that pair of ponies pleasant face,
TOO. Jack-Think so? Now, she con.
veys an entirely different impression 10
my mind. Makes me feel cold; gives
me SILVER. Jim-Why, You are talk
ing nonsense. Jack-It is fact. You
see, she is rein-dear.
"HERBEBT SPENCER SAYS" remarked
a Boston girl TO her Brooklyn admirer
the other evening, as they were holding
down one end of the SOFA, that life is
the definite combination of heterogene-
ous changes, both simultaneous and
successive, in correspondence with ex-
ternal co-existence and sequences.
He said that it was probably so, but
hastily changed the subject, and after
wards told his mother that those Bos-
ton girls could scull out words little
too quick for him.