Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-02-22
you may talk about the difficulties
w thai Lie in the way Of mans know
n ing girl before 10 marries her"
said a young matron of the fashion

u able set a day or two ago to repre-
sentative Of The STAR, but pray consider the
other side Of the question, which seems to me
very much more striking. How much does
girl know-indeed. how much can she know
about the man she marries until after the we'd
ding? Why, nothing at all, or almost nothing.
And 1t is to that very fact that i attribute the
failure of most unsuccessful marriages. The
young woman simply doesn't nee ONE acquainted
with her husband until after the knot has
been tied. Is it astonishing, under such cir
cumstances, that she should frequently be dis
appointed in him afterward?"
Il will venture to say" she continued. ''that
In majority of instances the young wife is
considerably disappointed after marriage in
the man she has chosen. How can il be other
wise? Often the idol must be altogether shat
tered; but if this is not the case. happily, the
idea she has formed of him usually has TO be
reconstructed more or less. Perhaps he may
De satisfactory in his new aspect and perhaps
not. At all events he is not at all likely to APP
pear the same man be did
WHILE SIZE WAS ENGAGED TO HIM
During that period he was ON his very best
behavior, and you know what that signifies with
young bachelor. have learned good deal
about such things from what my own husband
has told met Is astonishing how precious
green used to be. He is perfect. of course;
but then believe him to be altogether an ex-
ception."
surely your husband has not been guilty Of
the crime of giving his own sex away"
Not intentionally; but certain remarks of
his, made from time to time, have enlightened
me considerably. As well as l can make out,
the typical young gentleman whom one meets
III society leads a sort of double life all the
time. He is like a cat, which is gentle and
sleek, snoozing peacefully by the hearth during
the day, but at night tights and caterwauis on
1 ho..I 81. ~
young bachelor. He, too, is as sleek and gem
tie and purring as possible on all occasions
when he is In the society OF ladies' One meets
him at parties and finds him always well-bred
and delightful He comes to call and makes
himself charming. One encounters him on
| the street and he is as
PLEASING AND wELL-MANNERED AS EVER
He is the sort of man whom the mammas look
! upon, may be, with favoring eye and he is
seen everywhere, always the RECONCILIATION Of
everything that is CONNIE il fault Very likely
he looks as innocent as baby; no one would
| imagine from his appearance that he ever did
| anything wrong. And yet how more than
probable it is that he is wicked as wicked can
be. 1t Is ten to one that he has all sorts Of
vices. You will find him in his club pursuing
| select few of them-drinking, smoking. play
ing poker or seven-up for money and telling
naughty stories. Oh, know something about
these things now myself. And those bad prac-
tices have mentioned are presumably only
the beginning. What does he do outside of
his club? Goodness only knows. Certainly
he Is not always behaving himself in a manner
that he would like to have reported in detail TO
! the young ladies whom he calls upon and
dances with. In their society he is one person,
in the company of other men he is altogether
another. The man the girl who Is engaged to
him knows as her fiance is not the real man at
all, but creature entirely artificial. In the
lower walks of life this is not nearly so much
the case; but in the fashionable world every
one wears a mask"
''But women I have always understood,
don't object to mems being a trifie wicked"
WOMEN ARE CHARITABLE.
''There is some truth in that, I admit.
Women have grown accustomed to the notion
that young men must SOW a few wild oats and
they are also aware of the fact that it isn't
quite healthy symptom for youth to be too
good. Their idea of what mems indiscretions
consist in are exceedingly vague, but they are
apt TO think that such indiscretions, whatever
they are, must be awfully jolly, and even to say
that if they had been born to pantaloons IN
stead of petticoats they would be wicked too
So, as rule, they don't blame the men.
don't myself SO very much. The trouble is
that a man NAV have vices of serious perma-
hence without Its being known to the girl who
proposes to marry him. However, what have
meant all along is that young woman under
such circumstances does not obtain any knowl-
edge of the character in a general way of the
man she accepts until he has been made her
husband. As for a moderate degree of wild
ness. anti-matrimonial women are usually in
different TO that. They rather like to feel that
they are helping man out of what he has been
before into something better, nor are they dis
posed to be jealous of the past, unlike men"
BROTHERS ADVICE USELESS.
"Girls brothers will generally tell them If
they don't think this or that man desirable
matrim onially."
Yes; but what does that amount to? girl.
If she likes man, is not going to listen very
readily to anything her brother has to say
against him. A brother, though he NAV not
be very devoted to his sister, always thinks
that no man is good enough to marry her. If
he says anything against the fellow she iancies
1t is rather apt than not to help things along.
As for the father. he is not in the least likely to
know anything worth mentioning that is to the
young mans discredit, however much may
exist. He is not acquainted with the younger
set, presumably; does not belong to the same
club, and has no sources for information of the
kind, unless some one should come to him and
tell him, as a matter OF friendship, that Mr.
Shocks is mauvais sujet. But such a thing as
that for obvious reasons, is rarely DONE Even
if it did occur the daughter would have fair
show of reason for declaring il pure malice
and she would at once begin to regard the
Objectionable youth as martyr and q victim
to persecution, which is the last thing to be
desired. No-you can't very well keep young
gentlemen of Objectionable morals and char
acter out of your house altogether, and if the
young ladies of the family happen to take
liking to them getting rid of them is almost an
impossibility. Thus you see that the girl
MUST ALMOST INEVITABLY MARRY
without being really acquainted to any extent
with her husband beforehand The usual
course of events is that she meets him at a
party, he is granted permission to CALL and
within Few months or even weeks she an
nounces to her more or less surprised parents
that she has accepted an offer of marriage and
is engaged. And finally, without having had
any actual experience or knowledge of the
man, she marrles him. There is one thing to
be said that is in the girls favor-namely. that
whatever may be said to the contrary, women
are much better judges of men than men are of
women; they are not nearly so apt to be gulled
and taken in. There never was a man, do be-
lieve, who could not be made q fool of by wo-
men"
And after marriage?'
IAN that it occurs to me to say as to that
part OF the business is that don't wonder wo-
men are indisposed to encourage their hus-
bands bachelor acquaintance. For really the
bachelor friends of a married man rarely come
to See him unless with a view to dragging him
on and keeping him as long possible away
from home. II they could, / am sure that they
would lead him back into his old bachelor
ways. Therefore am disposed to look askance
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