davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

If women ever become railroaders, 1 can
recommend Bridget as a brakewoman,"
sighed Mrs. Snagg, as she gazed at the latest
accumulation of broken erockery.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

The literature on dress during the last 10
rears would form an imposing collection.
Equally curious and imposing also would Dc
The collection of all the empty bottles USED
in the last ten years for DR.. Bulls Cocsn
Syrup.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

A loud report is sometimes called bang,
but please note that false report is not the
same as false bang.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

Mrs. W1nslowis Soothing syrup for Chill
dren teething, sOftens the gums, reduces infam-
matioA. allays pain cures wind collie 25c bottle.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

An inquisitive neighbor differs from the
entrance to livery stable in this way: One
is a barn door and the other is darn bore.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

At swell marriage curious people watch
at the church door to see the tied go out.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

The difference between chef and cook
is that one is paid salary and the other has
to sue for her wages.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

SWEDISH ASTHMA CURE never fails.
Send your address. Trial package mailed
free. Collins Brothers Drug Co., st. Louis,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

Much current American wit is overdone,
and more is done over.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

Prickly Ash Bitters is vegetable COM
pound, pure and reliable. Give it trial, it
will help you.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

Next to making a mistake yourself the
easiest thing is to criticise the mistakes of
other people.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

If you are in good health you do not need
medicine, but when you are sick you do need
Prlckly Ash Bitters.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

Do not fail to read about Prickly Ash Bit
tors in this issue. 1t may be of benefit to
you.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

Does Your BABY chare easllyR IaEelPs
"LY-CO-D INE'' Nursery Powder positively CURES :
CHATTING. Send &c. in stamps for large box SAM
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

The carpet manufacturers appear to have
the floor.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15
A Pleasing Sense

So long as history repeats itself the school
boy need not commit it to memory.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

In spite of the photographers negative the
tariff on photograph supplies has gone up. =
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

The politician generally wants a good
ode al" for his money.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

EVERY mother owns the best how
the worst one belongs next door every
time.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

pThe race isn't always to the swift. Some
times it is to the booksellers.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

When man Is convinced that he owes eE-
erything to himself he is very anxious TO pay
t.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

WHILE delivering his Grafton at the
unwilling of the Greeley statue Chaun-
cey NJ. Depew WAS interrupted by a
noisy brass band belonging to the
italian procession coming down Park
Row. Mr.. Depew paused once or twice
to give the band chance to quit, but it
didn't quit, and the speaker again took
up the thread of his remarks. It was
at a point where he was extolling the
simple virtues of Horace Greeley, and
lifting his voice above the band he
finished his sentence to the effect that
Greeley was man cast in a noble
mould. who hated all manner of evil,
political or otherwise. Just here the
band got too much for him, aud recog-
nizing that he was mot in it" for the
moment, Mr.. Depew dropped his voice
and said to those near him on the plat
form: and I'll bet money he hated
brass bands like pizen!"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

ONE of the most famous figures of
speech is that of coming joke" but
we know of only one instance in which
the joke was actually coined-that is,
struck upon a craven die. and issued
from legal mint. The fact is his
torical, and is as follows: In the year
1879 the Danes advanced with large
force upon Hamburg, but after a siege
of considerable duration, seeing but
little hope of ultimate success, they
finally withdrew and marched back.
Thereupon the Hamburgers caused a
medal to be struck in commemoration
of the event. On one side of the numis-
matte curiosity was the inscription:
"The King of Denmark came before
Hamburg. What he gained by it will
be seen on the other side" On the
other side there was total blank.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

Time is the essence of all contracts excep
when you attempt to contract for a suit o
clothes on time.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

A summer at the seashore changes white
bares into brown bares.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-11-15

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but
you can buy a new dog.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-03-22
HOMEMADE CABINETS.
How Amateur Carpenters Can Maxi
Themselves Useful.


Themselves Useful.
Charming cabinets are now made by
amateur carpenters for holding choice
specimens of china or bric-a-brac. The
simplest is composed of board about
twelve inches high and about twenty
four inches long, to which is attached at
the lower left-hand corner shelf six
inches deep and twelve inches long,
and at the upper right hand corner an
other shelf of the same dimensions
This cabinet is gilded and the back
is painted with white crocuses in dec
orative, unpretentious style that is
charming. Such simple shelf as this
might hold pretty blue Dutch bowl, a
lovely crumpled white-and-rose she'll, a
beautiful stone, gathered by the owners
hand, and slender Venetian glass,
costing only few dollars, but showing
wealth of color--a perpetual reminder
OF q people who instinctively knew the
value of color. Underneath such cabi-
net fiat pilgrim bottle of stoneware
from Spain, decorated in Moorish ara
besques in blue, might be suspended.
set of shelves, painted in white
enamel (Which is sold at twenty-five
cents CAM makes lovely receptacle
for bright-colored bits Two little
square cupboards, or center one shut
in by a clear plate glass, may be ar
ranged to hold especially choice bits,
like dolicate lace, or pink coral, with
a lovely olive base Of dried seaweed, a
rare and curious eggshcll cup, an heir.
loom, or any fine thing liable to be
broken or injured by dust. On shell
in such cabinet may rest nautilus
shell, curiously carved, showing the
air passages in the whorl by means OF
which the adventuresome little sailor
lifts himself to the surface of the sea
and floats on the ocean, or pearl
oyster, or shell of that wonderful mol
lusc. the silk-weayer OF the ocean,
which produces silk fiber, strong
enough to be spun and woven into cloth.
These shells can be picked up in a shell
store in journey to the city, and cost
from 75 cents to 81 each. The china caI
be found in bric-a-brao shops. IN. Y
Tribune,
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-03-22
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The proprietor of gaming house
should never abuse his betters-Texas
Siftings.
Ones eyes are regular educational
institutions We learn great deal by
their aid, and they have pupils, too
Jamestown News.
-Wife-"Who will mend your clothes
when am dead and gomez" Husband
Nobody. I'll be able to buy new
clothes then. "-Munsey's Weekly.
-Bronson-"See here, Cadley,. did
you tell Smithers / was the meanest
white man that ever lived?" Galley
"No, didn't draw the color line. IN.
Y. Sun.
Mrs. De Fashion-"How is this, my
daughter? l hear that since your mar
riage you have dropped out of society,""
Mrs. De Sense-"No, mother, L didn't
drop out. climbed out."-N. Y.Weekly.
-Dudley-"You look at me as If you
thought / was fool, eh?" Stranger
'"Why, no; you can't be such a fool,
after all. Your remark shows that you
read mans thoughts at glance
Texas Siftings.
1.-THE sphere of woman is certainly
husband. "EverY once in a while some
woman goes into the lecture field"
"Yes," said her husband wearily, "eve-
ry married man knows that. Wash
ington Post.
-Tommy-"Paw, why do they always
say counting noses when they talk
about counting crowd?" Mr.. Fight
started at political meetings, my son.
You can see a politicians nose when
there is not light enough to distinguish
any thing else. ."-Terre Haute Express.
Husband of strong-minded woman
swell, my dear. they have elected you
president of the women's equal rights
club You're Mrs. President, of course.
That will be your title now. What will
/ be?" Wife-"You'll be the same little
old idiot you always were, George"
Mrs. Hobbs (parent of an infant ter
TOR and several half grown terrors)-
"Well, Mr.. Hobbs, since you are so dis
satisfied with the way 1 am raising our
darling Willie, maybe you will conde-
scend to inform me how you would raise
boys" Hobbs Certainly, every boy
ought to be kept in hogshead and fed
through the hung hole until he is twelve
years of ago." "And when he reaches
the age of twelve?" "Stop up the bung
hole"
-Playwright-"How do you like my
new drama?" Friend-"I'm delighted
with it. The dialogue is SO natural.
you know" Playwright with blush
of pleasure) 80, you fiatter me-"
Friend MOT bit it, Your characters
talk commonplace and handy old jokes,
just the same as people do in real life.
You've made great hit, an intensely
realistic one, | assure you. ."--Boston
Transcript.
The Worm Tuined.-Mr. Bully Rag
SNOW, sir, you have stated, under
oath, that this man had the appearance
of gentleman. Will you be good
enough to tell the jury how gentleman
looks, in your estimation" Down
trodden Witness-"Well, ora gentle
man ooks-er-like-er- Mr.. Bully
Ragg-"I don't want any Of your ers, sir;
and remember that you are on oath.
Can you see any body in this court room
who looks like a gentleman?" Witness
with sudden asperity)-'I oan II you'll
stand out OF the way. You're not trans
parent, ,".-Prcs 20
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-03-22
PROGRESS VS.. LOVE.

Ah NE the march of Progress
Is driving Love from hence,
For how can parting lovers talk
Across barb.wire fences
No swinging gate TO lean on,
No high fence with its bars,
Which seemed to shut out Eden,
Where two eyes cleaned bright as stars
All me the march OF Progress
Exiles the great log fire,
The stove severe and blaokly grim
Can no fair thoughts inspire.
The tallow dip Is fated--
Gas in It's place burns bright;
The candle had an end some time,
But the gas will burn all night.
All me the march of Progress
Made sail give way TO steam,
And now an ocean passage
Is short lived MS dream.
No time is left for counting
Upon the steamers fast
You meet q maid-scarce know her,
When behold the journeys past
Ah me the march of Progress
! Has brought the railroad carr
More enchanting was the stage coach
With its rumble and its jar.
As the train speeds swiftly onward
1t suggests unrest and s.rifc-
You have no time left for loving,
You have scarcely time for life.
And now the march of Progress
An idol has oerihrown.
Which this age iconoclastic
Had left to me alone.
Through the streets of ev'ry village
Blaze the great electric lights
And the porch has lost its romance
Through the bslmy Summer nights.
-F1svel Scott Mines, in Puck
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-03-22

Even the humblest toiler ia the land
can resolve to live for hire purpose,--
Washington Star.
The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-03-22
Longevity of English statesmen.

Disagreeable though the climate OF
England may appear to the uninitiated,
yet it is apparently conducive to lon
gevity. In addition to Mr.. Gladstone,
whose mental and physical vigor at an
advanced old age are well known
throughout the world, there are some
nine or ten octogenarian members of the
House of Commons. In the House OF
Lords no less than thirty of the peers
are over eighty years old, Lord Cotres-
loe, who is the father of the House,
being ninety-one, and the Earl of Alber-
marie, who fought as an ensign at
Waterloo ninety years Of age. On the
active list of the British Navy we find
the name of Admiral Sir Provo Wallis,
of Shannon, and Chesapeake fame, who
is now about to enter upon his ninety
ninth year, while on the bench there
are no less than four judges who have
passed the age of forescore years.-N.
Y. Tribune.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01
No Angels for Them.

Early last summer New-Englander
moved out to small town In Arizona
and announced his intention of opening
up a first-class grocery. He had a
number of bills posted mp, dwelling
particularly on the fact that the bust
ness was to be square and above board.
Just as he was getting ready to open
shop deputation of citizens waited on
him and asked the newcomer if the
statement on the placards were made
in good faith. :.
"You mought as well give us the hull
truth about this thing" said the leader
"You mean to say there hain't goin' to
be no water in the vinegar"
"That's what / mean, sirl" replied
the stranger. little surprised. "Nor
no sand in the sugarl"
"Ain't there goin' to be beans in the
coffee?"
"Most decidedly not, siri"
sNor chicory, nuther ?"
Never, gentlemen; l give you my
word for it.
The crowd seemed nonplused for a
moment, and the leader held short
consultation, at the end of which he
turned and said:
"Say, stranger, we've concluded that
you air suspicious character. But first
let me ask you if your cigars are goin'
to be loaded - with cabbage, you
know"
Not while i"
aThat's all we wanted to know. We
give you twenty four hours to leave
town, an you better leave. When we're
in need O. angels well drop you pos
tai card Good day stranger" And the
deputation filed out.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01
japanese Children's Toys.

Surely the children of Japan must have
far better time than any Others in the
world, since the grown people in that far,
away land are such pleasure lovers, and
the very toys the boys and girls have to
play with are such ingenious inventions.
In no respect has the originality Of con-
trivance so characteristic Of the japanese
exhibited itself more markedly than in
their playthings. No European would
ever have imagined, however remotely,
the least absurd of them.
The japanese kite represents in itself,
in its endless notifications, the solution
of aerial problems unguessed at by Ben
Franklin Curiously enough, no Anglo
Saxon boy can fly such kite; to accom-.
plish the feat requires an instinct essen
TALLY japanese, or Chinese if you will.
A youthful Oriental, without specific
instruction, thinks nothing of setting off
out of the nursery window half dozen
paper birds of varied plumage, with
strings attached to them, some of them SO
contrived, maybe, as to give voice to
chirps like those of chicken cocks and
other fowls before the breeze.
Of course, the kite itself is a Chinese
invention, and probably the same is true
of the top Anyway, it was gentleman
of Japan who first conceived the notion Of
nest of tops that should all fly out and
spin when the papa top was set agoing,
and similarly it has been with all sorts Of
other implements for adolescent enter.
tainment
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01
sueersr1oSs on rEAn.aRom1Na.


One of she great edible luxuries of life
is 4 supply of iirst-ratc pears properly
ripened, aud this luxury which con-
duces to good health, than which nothing
is more desirable. Furthermore, good
pear-orchard is a delightful source of both
employment and profit. A single tree
often yields more profit with less labor
than half-acre of grain.
But to get bearing orchard of choice
pears requires time, good Judgment and
skillful treatment. There is no great
amount of hard labor required, after the
ground has been properly prepared and
the trees planted, but the right thing
must be done at the right time; then when
the bearing time comes, there is ''snap"
for the owner.
In preparing pear orchard, we would
be particular in having the ground thor
oughly SUBSIDIZED as deep as the holes in
which the trees are TO be set, SO there
would be no basins under the trce-roots
for holding water; and we would set
standards only half as far apart-say
about fifteen feet-as would he proper for
standard orchard trees when in bearing
and then would put dwarfs between
these.
The object OF this plan is to get pears
as soon as possible, from the dwarfs,
which cone into bearing much sooner
than standards; then root the dwarfs out
as they get old and the standards require
the space. When the standards become
of bearing age, root out the least desirable
of these. In case of there being trees
valuable enough to preserve. left too close
together, remove alternate ones in win
ter, with bail of Garth adhering to the
roots Of each to some desirable place
Fruit Growe3'
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01
Pretty Girls in Cages.

One of the pretty sights in Che
Treasury is fifteen or twenty handsome
ladies in cages Pretty women are not
so scarce in the department that when
they get hold of one they put her in a
cage, but the ladies referred to oc-
cupy their little prisons in accordance
with an old custom. The Comptroller
Of the Currency has decided to revive
q system in vogue some years ago by
putting safeguard around the coun-
tiers of money and isolating them in
little iron cages. They are put in
their prisons in the morning, large
piles OF notes are given them, and
there they sit all day long counting
the currency as fast as their fingers
can move. The only communication
the ladies have with any one outside
Of their cages is through a speaking
tube connecting them with the Chief
Of the Bureau. The ladies, naturally,
don't take to this arrangement very kind
iy.-Pittsburq Commercials Wash
i1a0ton letter.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01

Mary Flint bakfastable he asked for
cupo of coffee made discovery
awe Cyrus you're I'd of things
is it?n
swtha grn would adorned skull
disguised with triumph quickly retored I've
FGoden Discovery drives bhe and rifes
blood
who had consumption and almost reduced skeleton
ckly thing but
healthy pounds That
Cyr a
wife the Golden Medical Discovery in fact
diseases Suus
selling doing through drug
positive will either benefit
will refunded Bronchial
which
marvellous curative properties taken time and given trial
Shortness of Breath Bronchitis
affections efficient
something said to
dealer profit There's nothing all like the Di
nebTiate;
peculiar composition
MEDICAL ASSOCIATION
Buffalo, y. Y.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01
- > ~ ; 49, - - 2 ,
HOUSEHOLD MATTERS.
roun DISHES FROM BEANS.


Put one pint of beans in four quarts of
cold water with one-half pound each Of
salt pork and corned beef, one bay leaf
and slice of onion cut fine. Simmer
slowly for four hours. When the beans
ire thoroughly cooked, which will be in
about two hours, take out plateful and
let them stand until cold. Then make a
salad with two tablespoonfuls of vinegar,
,ne of olive oil, one Glove of garlic and a
sprig of parsley with pepper and salt.
When the soup is well cooked dip out al
The broth into the tureen over small
squares of toasted bread, leaving the soft
beans in the kettle. Add one pint of he.
milk and butter the size OF hens egg,
md when this boils, two tablespoonful
Of -four wet with cold water, season tx
taste and you have nice dish of stewed
beans. Serve the beef and pork win
baked potatoes, and you have four courssV
at which hungry man will not grumo,f
- Washington Star.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01

The Buddhists in Burmah do not CON
slider The question of expense in beautlfy-
ing their temples. Here is the descrip-
ton of the new vane of the pagoda at
Rangoon; The vane is about three by one
and half feet broad, and thiekl7
crusted with precious stones and lovely
fans OF the red Burmese gold. One ruby
alone is worth 5000 rupees, and there are
several hundred rubies alone on this
beautiful thing. On the tip of the iron
rod on which works the vane is a richly
carved aud perforated gold ornament
called the Selnboo. 1t is somewhss egg
shaped and foot in height, tipped by
an enormous diamond encirclcd by many
smaller oues, c:usted on like barnacles.
All over this exquisite oval object are
similar clumps oi diamonds, no other
stones being used for this part.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01
TAXING CARE OF MACHINERY.

Farmers should bear in mind the fact
that rust destroys and wears farm ma
chinery much more than the use in the
field. There are eleven months rust for
one months service, and as rust wears
more than the friction of the soil, the
damage of use may be multiplied twenty
fold. 1t results that machinery well
cared for when stored may last twenty
times longer than if it is neglected. Oil
alone will not prevent rust. 1t oxodizes
and really tends to cause rust by contact
with the gum of the oxodized OIL A
thorough cleaning is first to be made with
kerosene oil. This removes the gum
and the dust which collects upon it.
This dust is apt to contain germs which
actually feed upon the metal as others do
upon vegetable and animal matter, alive
or dead, and eat into it and waste the
substance. The kerosene destroys these
and thoroughly cieanses the wearing
parts, which should be taken apart for
this purpose. A mixture of tallow,
melted, with black lead and sufficient
kerosene to soften it, should be applied
all over the wearing parts and all OK
posed bright portions of the machines,
and the machines covered up with sheets
as carefully as a carriage should be.
Thus cared for, well-made machine will
practically not wear out by lifetimes
service.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1890-02-01
OUTSIDE ROWS IN ORCHARDS.

The value of sunlight and of free cir
culation of air is fully recognized by ex-
perienced orchardists, and trees are now
planted farther apart than ever before.
The fact that .'outside rows" in or
chards bear the finest fruit has been
seized upon in certain sections, and
planters set their trees SO that every row
shall be an "outside row." This is done
by planting two rows moderately close
together, and then leaving a space of
about sixty feet between the second and
third rows-in case of the apple orchard.
Thus we have alternately wide space
and narrow one. This large amount
of sswaste space" may be utilized, while
the the apple trees are young, by grow
ing dwarf pears, or small fruits, ct both,
and thus yield continual revenue
Neoo York Tribune.