Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-03-13
ENIF-T . = WH90'TN
TALK OF THE DAY.

style. 1t was too loud. -
The proprietor of a gaming-house
| should never abuse his betters. -
The human race Is run on tho course
OF true love, as general thing.
; When young men idolize young ladies'
they are apt To tell great many Idle
| lies. :tW
All those who pass through the door
to success will find il labeled push. {"
oil City Blizzard.
The reason why hen lays an egg is
because she can't stand 1t on end. -
Binghampton Leader r5t
Your scheme won't work on Wall
street. p" "Why notp' at won't hold
water "--Munsey's Weekly.
Since young Jones began visiting
Miss Brown, the parlor lamp in the
Brown domicile is the latest thing out.
as the cashier inpn asked the caller
at the bank. ..Yes. SIR" was the re-
lpy: He's in Jail. Washington
Post.
Miss Wayting, you are apuz.
ole to me. never knew lrow 10 take
you" She (shyly)-"You never
tiiSo' saa# ~ Az ataH 3
A writer stated in q recent obituary
notice that "the deceased was born In
his native town, where he has ever
since resided},sgET& 81 WEfEg83
Cobwiggcr-"I have the prettiest
typewriter in town" Brown-.Cau
she spell well?" Cobwigger-'.Didn't
| tell you sho was prettyn
A Maine man who has invented a
flying machine has hired another man
to try the thing. This inventor may
not be such fool after all. .
No need to: Charles-"I have just
come back from sail" Robert Ibid
you hug the shorep" Charles-'No; l
had Miss Mildred with me" Epoch.
Hitherto patient boarder: Mrs.
Starvem, can stand having hash every
day in the week, but, when on Sunday
you put raisins in it and call it minco
pie, | draw the line.n -.'''"' ..'..' q.
An Ohio girl sued u man for breach
OF promise, and proved him such
mean scoundrel that the jury decided
that she ought to pay him something
for not marrying her. "a" E# H..t 7.
Here's a Connecticut man just died.
Papa says he smoked more behring's
in u year than any ten other men in
New England. preferred herrings
to Connecticut cigars, SUPPOSE" a.
Very well, them" she exclaimed,
to make concession. IL cannot deny
that | have my faults" Husband,
hastily: No doubt of that. Wife,
more hastily still: shall like TO know
what they are.
a Connecticut girl listened to long
declaration OF love pathetic and pro-
posing from young man, and then
knocked all the poetry out of him by
saying; Now let US talk about your
business affairs
A Gentle Hint Book agent Here
Is that book, ma'am, How to Play the
Piano." Lady of the house-''Wha5
bookP l didn't order any BOOK
"No'm. but the neighbors did. aud
they told me 10 bring it to YOU"
Etymology "How do you do. my
little man? I'm your neXt-door neigh
Dor, you know" whats neigh
bor?'' well, neigh means nigh;
that is, near and" "Oh, thank
you. l know what bore meansn}rurr
His Precedent. The Peacemaker:
'Don't you know it is very wrong to
fight little boy pWhat does the good book
sayp' Tommy (who has just polished
off the class bully): dunno. | amt
read it further than David and Ger
lire.
Eyes. gentlemen ofthe jury" urged
the prisoners counsel, ..not only ought
my client to be acquitted, but he should
be paid the sum Of five hundred dollars
offered by the shoemaker to anyone
able TO force open one o. his strong
boxes. Judge. g .lsE 3lC. .E HA. a- p.
If this country. crusade keeps up it
will soon be so that man will not be
allowed to wear white shirt on the
Sabbath day on account OF the work
he will necessaril y have to do in get
ting II large coilar-button through a
small button-hole. ..,.....r.... f.
Newly accepted suitor-"Nell, Bob
by. you will have new uncle soon; |
am your. Aunt,M ary's choice for a hus-
band" Bobby (surprisedJ Welt
that's strange. heard her tell mann
ma only yesterday that you were Hob
sons choice. Lille. rs @.o4 .'.l@ %
Mrs. Seeker Il have two daughters
In society this winter, and I'm on the
go all the time. You: daughter isn't
going out much, believer" Mrs.
Found-"Oh, no. You see she got en-
gagged last October and she doesn't
have to."-Washington Star. 40
We'll my dear madam aud ho" are
you to-day?" 80, doctor | have W.
rible pains over my whole body and it
seems impossible to breathe! OF
course, can't sleep at all; and | have
MT u particle Of appetizer "But other
wise you feel all right don'tyoum
She-"Are you fond Of music. Mr.
Snell?" He-srWell, | don't know
tell you the truth, we've had a piano
in the house so long that | really don't
remember; but think-that is 10 say.
| have faint IMPRESSION was fond
Of it great many years ago. Boston
Transcript .- ~ .'"N
1t is one of the wonders OF the
world that young lady can sit
around the house all day with a piece
Of red flannel raped around her
throat, nursing her influenza, and in
the evening dress up to see her beau,
the hcllthiest woman in existence
Texas SIft-ngs. f 4 E a'f .
While passing farm in Virginia the
figure OF an elderly man, whose attire
was noticeable for the utter absence OF
an decorative efforts, was seen leaning
against the fence. ''iiow are you get
ting along down herePn ''Jes' gittin'
long; no mo'h." Good FARM" "Fa'h. :"
"Can you raise anything on it?" "Con-
sid'be, jes raised seventy-live dol
labs on it; fohth mortgage, too. y
Washington Post .r ta.