The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-08-13
IIUMOR OF THE DAY.

Concocting a ielony-MiXing drinks
in Kansas.
"Did her father kick2" eyes, but he
missed, thank my stars. life.
The leopard never boasts of his spot
less reputation.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
There is a good deal of rank nonsense
about English nobility. Binghamton
Republican.
Women were made before mirrors; and
they have been before them ever since.
Statesman.
When mans temper gets the best Of
him, it reveals the worst of him.-Rs-
ligious Herald.
First Tramp-''What did you have for
dinner to-dayl" Second Tramp-"R
air. "-Munsey'S.
There's all the difference in the world
between a friend in need and needy
friend. -Bing5amt0H Leader.
The employe may not be a meddler,
but he is always minding somebody else's
business. - Washington Star.
The saddest words of tongue or pen,
There are too many women and not enough
men.
Washington Post.
She to young lawyeD-"What kind
of practice do you have, Mr.. Sharpl"
He-"Oh, 1 practice economy. ."-Mun-
sey's Weekly.
A Chicago man has discovered cure
for insomnia. He sets his alarm-clock to
90 off few minutes after he gets into
| bed.-StatesndH.
The down of peach is apparent; the
down of banana may not be apparent
at first glance, but sooner or later you
tumble to it. YOnkers Gazette.
"Well, am engaged to marry Miss
Mabel" "Good! How did you break
the icel' "There wasn't any ice. 1t
was a mild winter. y Chicago Times.
"It's pretty tough luck" complained
the big trunk, "to find yourself COM
pletely strapped just when you're starting
off on big journey. "-Sd0e Recorder.
The things of earth change to and fro,
They move, they glide, they run, they fit,
| But Keeley's motor doesn't go
The leastest tiny little bit.
Chicago Post.
Teacher (at Sunday. SCHOOL, &c Betty,
what have we to do first before we can
expect forgiveness for our SINS" Betty
1--WE have to sin first. San Fran
cisco Wasp.
Landlord - "There are some fine
springs in the neighborhood of this farm
house" City Guest-"Then L advise
you to put few of them in your beds"
Boston Gazette.
At a dinner of pbyiciaus in Paris, the
presiding officer Nose and said: "I
drink to the health" "Never, never;
we protest." came from all parts of the
room.-BoSton Journal.
Wife-"Johu Jones, you're a foolP
| Hnsband-"Y didn't see TO think so
when [ was single" Wife-"No, you
never showed what fool you we've until
you married me. e.'-EpOcb.
The little thermometer smiledin glee
As the mercury upward drew
To the century mark and silently asked:
"ls it hot enough for your
Philadelphia Times.
Astronomy in the Tradc.-Customer--
~ want a nice moonstone scarf-pin."
Jeweler-"Would you like it set full or
in skeleton2n Customer--"Fulll No,
sirl want a new moonstoue. "-Jetoet-
ers' Weekiey.
Charlie-"What an intelligent dog
Wildfre is, Miss De Witt, | actually
believe he knows as much as do"
Miss De Witt-"Yes, indeed; | wouldn't
wonder if he knew more than that, MR
Featherbrane. - B1st0Riaa.
"Mr. Lushley," said that gentlemau's
wife, in iratc tone, edo you know that
it's o'clock in the mornings" "Coursh
l dush," was the reply. "Doan you
shposh I'm shober 'nutf know free clock
when shee itP'- Washington Post.
"Pass me the rolls, said the profess
sor. "They are all gone" said the
landlady. ''You were late for breakfast
and they were eaten" "What time do
YOU call the roll | shall cndeayor to be
present hereafter. n-Ne,0 York Herald.
simpson-"What are you going about
for grinning like a poorhouse IDIOT
Have YOU been taking laughing gasF
De smith-"No; but Pm promised a
position as a hotel clerk at seaside re-
sort, and I'm getting the blaAl smile
well in hand"
| Frel-I fain would always lmger thus, and
taste the sweets Of life divine;
| Life loses all its petty cares, since Lucy,
dearest, thou art mine.
| Lucy-But dearest Fred, remember thisi
| We are but human, not divine;
! You bread and butter must provide II you
would have me ever thine
Boston Budget.
He-"Weally, l am out Of bweath.
My man has just logged me out in my
tennis rig, don ye kuaw, when We
ceived message saying that you had
changed your mind about tennis and
were going to the wegatta instead.' She
-"Indeed. l wonder who could have
notified you' l didn't know that | had
an enemy in the world, - Cloak ReVIsH.