The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-06-04

most men don't dare preach what they
practice. ashland Press.
Odd, isn't it, that among the German
and colored BARRIERS there are no Clan
na-Gael men. though they are all head
Merchant 1raceler.
The mouse that gets caught in trap
can never be so young that its friends
will not say it was old enough to have
known better.-AtchtsOn Globe.
A Bare Supposition: Mrs. Figg-
''What State is the Cherokee Strip in,
dear?" Mr.. Figg-.'A state of nature,
suppose. ."-1eare Haute E1preSS.
Reversing the Process: Widow with
six children Ito suitor)-'You love me,
George, and ask me to be your wife?
Well, then, ask my children. IN 7.
Tribune.
The Rev. DR.. Primrose-.'When you
were stealing the cake, myEoung friend,
what thought did you have?" Little
Johnnie-'I thought nobody was look
ing. THE Epoch.
The good are said to be happy; but
it is probably not because they spend
their time thinking how much better
they are than the rest of humanity
Boston Transcript.
'.And you say you would die for me?''
Darling, l would with delight,
''Then give me that test of your atfec-
ton and l will never wed another. -
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Papa" said the little one, "will
there be newspapers in Heaven?"
new set of editors and reporters -
Diron Telegraph.
''These cigars only cost IS cents"
said Wifey. ''Soi Why there are least
a hundred different scents to each
cigar" returned Hubby, and Wifey
wept.-N. Y. Commercial.
A Miss Tardy of Boston has sued
DR.. Early of the same city for breach
of promise of marriage. A Tardy miss
can never expect to catch the Early
worm.-PeoriG transcript.
.'Yes, we two boys were thrown to-
gether good deal when we went to
school in the country" .:In the same
class, ehP" mo; we rode the same
mule. Detroit Free Press.
Minnie-'How did YOU enjoy the
playP" Mamie mot a bit. 1t turned
out to be pantomime ,and all the talk
bit. ."-Ierre Hdute Express
Il seem very popular with your
fathers dog" said Herbert to Mabel
"Indeed?" ''Yes; the last time l tried
to take my leave he did his best 10
detain me. y Washington Post.
McFingle-'I am going to fit up a
card-room. What sort of tables would
you advise me to get?" McFangle-
What's the matter with plain, square,
deal ones."-LdaOre'ace 4AnericGn.
Benevolent Lady-'I have been try
ing to find the Old Ladies' Home This
is it, isn't it?" Doortender-'.No,
madam. This is the stage door of the
Spectacular Theatern-M T. Weekly
Erratic Genius-'I never use a note
book to jot down my ideas. l find it
handler to make notes on my cuffs.
His Friend (after glance at the cuffs)
What with? Chalk" kP"--Te1re Haute
Express.
Il love this old horse" said the
Colonel. 81 feel that he saved my life
at Gettysburg" 'How?' 'He kicked
me in the stomach before the battle so
that | couldn't go on the field, and my
substitute got shot in the neck. ."-Chat-
ter.
Pessimistic Auditor Cat concert)-
Seems to me that is a mighty short
program, considering the price they
charge" Optimistic Auditor-"O. we
can easily get the worth of our money
just encore everything. ~. Y. Week
ly.
The Rev. Mr.. Slim-"You must re-
member, my young friend, that the
soul is the body's guest" Rowe Bust
Cooking him over)-''Wel, it must
sometimes make very impolite rehec-
tions on the accommodations" ."-I0eCn
Iattte.
There are grave fears of an insurrec-
ton iii Spain owing to the King having
reached the age at which his savings
strike his mother as worthy of repeti-
ton. The strain upon the loyal sub
jects is said to be too great for them to
bear.-LJe.
She-"I dreamed last night that
was the most beautiful woman in the
world, Mr.. Noodly." He (stupidly
thoughtless)-"That's just the way,
Miss Fwances, don't you know
Dweams always go by contwawies. y
Washington Star.
He had come home little late and
she delivered the usual feminine ora
ton. He turned on his pillow and
muttered as he drowsed off: matches
made in Heaven seem to me to have
just as much birthstone on 'em as the
other kind. ."-Mercjtant TraUeler.
He Cat breakfast)- shall never ask
you again what you do with your pin
money, my dear" he-'sWhy not,
Henryp" He-''I have found out. I
stepped on about six hundred of the
darned things when | got home last
night. ."-LaOrence Anaerlcan.
Impassioned Orator ''And today
we stand in proud preeminence, while
the world looks on amazed at the thrill
ling spectacle of "a government of the
people. by the people, and for the peo-
ple.' Who are the people?" Grand
Chorus by the Practical Politicians
1--WE are. "-zerre Haaste cypress.
Baroness Ito man-seryant who has
just come in)- Johann, do not whistle
in that abominable manner-and such
vulgar tunes besides" Johann-.'But
surely your ladyship does not expect
one of Liszt's rhapsodies when I'm
backing the boots-thatll come on
later when I'm cleaning the silverr'-
IL Cafdro.
Johnny-'My book, pa, says that
honesty is the best policy. Is that true,
paP" Munnibaggs- Yes, my son; if
there hadn't been honest people in the
world how do you suppose [ should
ever have been able to get ahead as I
have? Yes, my son. honesty is a great
help to man, great help. ."-Bostoas
Transcript