Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-02-16
SAID IN FUN.
"Where are you going my pretty maid?"
"rm going to sneeZe-atchuo," she said.

where are you going my. pretty maid
"pm going to sneeze-atchoo," she said.
When the milkmaid is awkward and
fretful the COW generally turns pail.
care you fond of Wagnerian opera, Mr..
Flint?' Yes; 1 never cared for music" !"
"Thunder, man, don't beat that anvil
so Anybody would think it was piano"
There are several ways to pay bills, but
the majority Of the big ones are paid with
reluctance.
Can one who has been often crossed in
love be supposed to know something about
rapid transit?
AT the postofice window all sadness she stood:
That sweet face-ah. who could forget her?
81 wish that Gogallagher might be my name"
Said she, Then I'd sure get letter.
When man gets old we speak of "his
declining years." and yet he would not de-
cline few years if they were offered to
him.
There is hope in the future for every
man. Even for the youth with pair of
tight shoes on there is the biissful prospect
of bed time.
"TelI me, my love, my own" she says, =.
''What is it now our happiness which mars %
Hal" he exclalms, and beats his breast,
lin hugging you I've busted five cigars"
as there wheelman in the delega-
ton % asked one of the committee.
"Why % asked another. Because if there
is he would be the proper person to act as
spokesman"
as Miss Darlow teaching you music?"
'Yes" "What do you call her" Eek
perience" THAT'S funny name, isn't
it? "Oh, no, Experience is dear
teacher, y know"
In the summer it is pleasant,
Meath the moonlight pale TO stroll;
Now it striks me l would rather
stay indoors and kisses gather,
While we burn her fathers coal.
Mrs. Bascom-'So poor Silas Stick is
dead l was afraid it wouldn't agree with
him to go to college. What was the
trouble with him-do you know !" Mrs.
Backlott-"Yes, believe they call it dis
cussion of the brain"
"Hi, Wilkinsl Come in and drain the
flowing bowl to the health of my irst-born
"a bouncing boy" "Well, that's quite a
coincidence. I've Just helped Grimsey
drown his woe in the flowing bowl-his
eighth, another boy"
Mary had a little lamb,
1t bleated in cadenza;
Twill bleat no more
Its bleaters sore
With Russian iufuenza.
Shortpurse- those are nice trow-
sers, old boy; but amt they, er, IA tritie
loud ?" Smallpa son the contrary, old
boy, they are Of modest and retiring dis
position -shrunk three inches in six hours"
-Lamence American.
'eBut, my DEAR" argued Mr.. Rednose,
seven the moon gets full sometimes"
"True," retorted Mrs. R, "but when the
moon gets full it has the decency to stay
out all night, and not come registering
home in that condition, the way. you do"
Miss Oldun-"No, Mr.. Hollings, l am
getting too old for the assemblies" Hol
lings, '93-"Oh, don't say. that Miss
Oldun." "Why, l feel like faded leaf
among all these young buds. <
Do you ever press autumn leaves, Mr..
Hollings?" Great embarrassment from
'93)
Little Girl (reading history )+"This
brave nobleman left his home in Paris,
where he was Captain of Dragons, and
where he had been lately married, to cross
the water and fight for the Americans"
Teacher-"Now, can you tell me what
prompted the brave man to do this?s
"Please, ma'am, he had lately married"
He was very good-natured,
His manners polite,
He never got merry
Nor never staid out all night,
He spurned ardent liquors,
Tobacco never used,
Ger dem selles de ballet
He never enthused,
He stunned poker games,
Never dallied with bets,
But the confounded nuisance
Would smoke cigarettes.
Farewell, dearest she sighed, as she
lay on the lapel of his double-breasted
coat; "and, George, you may kiss me once,
on my forehead, ere you go.n Thanks,
Angelina" thoughtfuily murmured the
young man, shut the last time l kissed
girl on the forehead got bang in the
mouth" A moment later he left the
house, looking as if he had been eating
marshmallows.