Chicago eagle., 1890-01-25
PLE4SANTRIES.
A LATE riser-Poor yeast.

and merry girls.
IT is a sailors experience that seas
generally wash in dirty weather.
The wheels of matrimonial life run
more smoothly where there is a little
Juvenile.
YOUNG lady Waiter, haYo you any
brie cheese? Waiter-None, ma'am.
but the ones have on.
MY life has been chased one" re-
marked the hardened criminal when he
had been run down at last.
THOUGH it blooms on many patriot
nose, the rum blossom can not quite vet
be called the national flower.
BE thin all your chillern, Mrs.
McSorley?" "Phwat! Thin all moin
pNe take me fer an incubator?"
"KNow thyself?" may be all right in
theory, but it would lead to a great
many suicides if fully followed.
TEAcHER-How many states are
there? Bright boy-Please, ma'am, !
haven't seen the morning papers.
SHE between the acts)-Where are
you going? He-Out to see a man for
a moment She-Is he going to buy
it, or are you?
AFRAID fexample-Tt would be bet,
ter il you would drink at home, instead
of at the saloons. What! Before
wife and child?"
A MoNRoNG, Cal, man has left 500
600 to his daughter, to be inherited
only upon the birth of her first child.
Case of C. O. d.
A FREQUENT case of color blindness
is shown where our new black silk um.
breIla is taken, and an old brown cotton
one is left in its place.
IRATE German (to stranger who had
stepped on his oe)-Mine trent, I know
mine feet vas meant to be walked on,
but dot privilege pelongs to me.
FARMERS wife You're sure this
medicine is good, John? Farmer
Certainly. The wrapper says it's good
for man or beast, and 1 took some last
week.
PROFESSIONALS I was saying, these air
currents are caused by variations Of
temperature. Now, Mr. Jones, what do
we notice on windy day? Mr. Jones
Stockings.
New man-What shall l say about
Mr.. Goodman's project? Able editor
See what the miserable sheet across
the way says about it, and then take
the other side.
MCBRICKBAT was told that prosper
GUS neighbor's darling had presented
him with triplets. mo wonder that
fellow gets along" growled Nc, for
he's got steady birth"
DEVOTED lover-You shiver, darling {!
Are you cold? Delicate darling with
chattering teeth, whose musical rival is
at the piano)-Yes, Charles; think it
is the air from the piano.
MAMMA Cat the doll counter)-Now,
Flossie dear, here is a very large assort-
ment to select from. What kind of a
dolly would you like to have? Flossie
Twins, mamma, if you please.
BRAGGs- This is little late for you
to be out, isn't it, Peck? Aren't you
afraid your wife will miss you?" Mr..
n. Peck-I hope she will. She can
ding things pretty straight, though.
SHE-This is your first year at col
iege, isn't it? He-Yes. How did you
know that? She-I knew by the way
your arm felt around me. The mus
cIe's are not as fully developed as
seniors.
JoHNLY-Yes, we often regret the
words we have left unsaid. For in
stance | wish had said the words that
would have made Annie Temper my
wife. JacSly (sincerely)-I wish you
had. l married her.
MASTER TOMMY was strutting about
very proud of his first pair of pants
And now," remarked a member of the
family you're quite a man." "Yos,"
added the youngster, "and I can
swear Just likeplpa."
It's happiness" he said ito let
My honrt its bounty tell,
% breathe the ducet ut'rances
That speak my love so we'll
'Tis happiness to freight the tongue
With passions every need
And then she softly interposed,
'Ii8 sappiness indeed"
HE WISS'T AFRAID.
Tn Wow Of the fact that the United
States man-of-war Chicago has had
collision with a tug-boat and escaped
destruction, we feel so much encour.
aged rs to venture the assertion that
should this sort Of vessel become epi.