Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1890-08-28
THE AK AND THE wooppiLr.
BY BOB BURDETTE.

Every human male man who pos
sesses even lingering faint of temper,
should keep an ak and q woodpile
somewhere handy that he may rush
out and work off his wrath when it
WAKES fierce. There is nothing in this
vain old world that will send man
back TO his appointed work with q
more wilted collar and truer com.
prehension of himself than thirty min
utes, wrestling with full-fayored ak.
He can use it so fercely on the wood.
ALI the fury of his nature, all the hate
he feels for his enemy, he can infuse
into that ax-handle, and how the chips
will fly. Not very artistically, prob
ably, but they will fly. And presently
it begins to dawn upon the man that
he is feeling more calm. Evidently he
is experiencing change of heart. He
does not hate his enemy so bitterly,
after all. The ak weighs about eighty
one pounds on the up stroke. He does
not hate his enemy at all. He changes
his stroke, and begins to chop on the
system of Italian penmanship, the up
strokes heavy and the down strokes
light. He rather loves his enemy now.
At last he puts all his failing strength
into one terrific blow. He misses his
tip with the ak, and smites the chop
ping block with the handle. A tingle
as though he had swallowed an alarm
clock goes from elbow to hip and back
again, the ak drops from his powerless
hands, and, weak, limp, nerveless,
perspiring, trembling thing, he stag
gers into the house, lies down on the
first thing that looks like a lounge, and
Is ready to die. There isn't fear or
fault in his heart. Death has no ter
rors and life no temptations for him.
He has chopped out all his baser ma
ture, and is just as ethereal and spir-
itual ais he can be on this side of Jor-
dan. 1t is great medicine.
People with whom I have been quar-
reling all the spring would be amazed
to see me now. I foolishly contracted.
last year, to keep campfire going. I
didn't know then that it took all the
forests in the Adirondack spurs to keep
up one little campfire. / am not q
large, tall, broad, sinewy man, and the
ak they gave me might have beaten
down the brazen gates of what-you-
may-call-it that what's-his-name be-
sieged, If he ever did besiege it. T
have fallen trees with that AK that
would have made Mr.. Gladstone shud-
der. They tell me must say felled,
not fallen, but know better, because
I only out down fallen trees. NV
wrists were larger than my knees,
which goes to show that I didn't pray
as hard as 1 chopped, but I didn't have
strength enough to hate anybody; I
was too limp to commit the lightest
sin, SO I didn't have much need Of
prayer. didn't write any the follow
ing week, because I couldn't close my
fingers over anything smaller than an
ax-helve. We tried tying the PEN
holder to my elbows, but they didn't
bend with that kind of an implement.
Ny hands were little better the next
week, but [ was as badly ax-ridden as
ever. I hear voices call even now for
more wood" though I assure you T
cut cord between every paragraph,
At least / think I did. But went out
and chopped until the ak few off the
handle, which was dropped every Ave
minutes, and then 1 heaped high the
fagots, and crawled in to the campfire
and showed the old martyrs how
sweetly and joyously man could roast
himself rather than cut one solitary
single other stick of wood more.