The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1890-11-27
PuNcENT PARAGRAPHS.

Pooling with dynamit !. is getting to.
be nearly as dangerous % trying to
thrash an editor. Rams Horn.
Tho way to do any thing that 10
hard to do, Is to roll up your sleeves and
go right at it-Ram's Horn.
"A level surface is dat, bnt there il .
distinction between = level-headed man
and = flat-headed one. ~ Pittsburgh
Chronicle Telegraph. %
-Whangle-"So Peck IL dead, is he?
What we're the old fellows last words?''
Jangle-"He didn't have any. His wife
was with him when he died" = Boston
rr4veller. -
Accommodating = Johnson Twill
you please carry this demiiohn to nv
house, Jackson?" Certainly, II there's
anything In tt"-Yankee Blade.
The world rarely praises a man I'M
ill after he dies" Fellows-''Generally
that's about all the world can ind to
praise him for. Epoch. >.. =.
There is joy in heaven when prodi-
gal returns, but Didn't tell you SOP"
Is the universal cry on earth when q
good man goes wrong.-Ram's Horn.
30, John, I've lost the diam nd out
Of my engagement ring" ''That's all
right, SO long Is you didn't lose tho ring
itself It's gold, you know. "-Philadel-
phia Times 80.
-Husband-''1s this canned chicken
Or canned lobster, Ethel?" Wife-"I
lon't know, John. The label had been
torn of the can before opened it." -
Somerville Journal.
He docking dreamily into his cup)
l-"What's this-a miracle?'' She (indig-
nantly)-.'Why, no; that's coffee, and
good coffee, too!' He-"Well, isn't that
a miracle?"- Chronicle.
~ have met the best tennis players
in the land, but I've never been beaten.
"How wonderful! Why don't you enter
the tournament" II never play."--
Harper's Bazaar.
To lubricate his words.-Miss De
Gimp Cooking through the samples of
a drummer for . material house,
What do you carry this little oil can
for?" The Drummer-'I wear that under
my tongue when tackle a rough Gus
toner. "-Jewelers' Weekly.
1T is said to have been discovered by
science that the wind always moves in
circle, but no explanation has been
made as to how it happens that when
the playful zephyrs seize hold of mans
hat they always make straight shoot
for the nearest mudpuddle. - Rams
Horn.
Wife (revisiting the scene of her
betrothal)-"I remember, Algernon, SO
we'll when you proposed to me. How
painfully embarrassed you were!" Alger-
non Eyes, dear; and I remember so
we'll how kind and encouraging you
were. and how very easy you made it
for me, after all."-Harper's Bazaar.
The Change of Styles.-Mrs. Cumso
--"Fashions make great changes in our
hired girls. used to be greatly both
cred by my servants borrowing. my
dresses" Mrs. Banks-"And don't they
still trouble you?" Mrs. Cumso-'O,
no. 1t is my husband that is in for it
now. They borrow his clothes."-
Racket.
-Wise-"Why do you always carry
two cigar-cases?" "Well, you see, the
black one is for those smoke myself,
and in the red one carry those give
to nv friends who have forgotten theirs,
and find that they are not very apt to
DO that the second time when they are
coming to my house. Blat-
| ter.
First Citizen-'No, sir; I'll never
give my vote to Brass. If all reports
are true he has actually paid money for
votes" Second Ditto-"You don't mean
it; but whom can we vote for?''
| ''There's Smart" Eyes, but he's an
ignoramus and his regulations none of
of the sweetest" ''Granted. But Smart
has given our church 500 and has
promised to double it next month. "
$50? Well, 1 guess on the whole we'd
better support Smart Anyhow. l can't
vote For Brass detest bribery and re-
fuse to encourage it."-Boston Tran.
| 3crint