Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-07-05
WISE AND USWISE.
lals.ned trom our Esehaneea.l


An innocent remark-Not guilty.
ALL work and no play-Learning the
piano.
A CITY is taken by storm when q cy-
clone jumps on it
A MAN should look up to his business.
The astronomers always do.
Political economy-Never buy any
more votes than you absolutely need.
How locomotive engineer can make
his own headlight-by drinking too
much.
EMpLoYER-Well, Patrick, which Is
The bigger fool, you or /? Patrick
Faith, I couldn't say, sor, but it's not
pesiIf.
The Paris gravediggers have threat
ened to stop work. 1t would not be the
Eirst time that the grayediggers have
their employers in hole.
TEACHER-And now, children, you
have heard the story of Ananias. What
lesson should We learn from his fate?
Tommy-Never to get caught.
Little TOMMY don't see any on
your face. Little Kitty-Any what?
Little Tommy-Aunt Mary said that
goodness was sticking out ali over you.
MNIsTER-You say several of your
companions were fishing in your fathers
millpond last Sunday? am very much
surprised. Small Boy-So am 7. There
isn't fish in it"
WELL, guess be is I" said Haver-
hill shoe manufacturer, when asked
whether his travelling man was good
salesman. He can sell shoes every
lime cheaper than can make them"
ARTIsT-Oh, you think the back
grounds "beastly" do you. Perhaps
the cattle are ~beastly," too, though
6atter myself Friendly Artist-Oh
no, my dear fellow; that's just what they
pre- not. =
PRoFEssoR-Mr. Newman, your
knowledge of the grammar is very
limited. Do you not have trouble in
getting your translations? Newman -
Oh, no, sir; they keep them at all the
bookstores.
OLD Married Flirt-Oh, Miss Lillian,
I'm so sorry ever married. Miss
Lillian-So am 1. Old Married Flirt
(eagerly)-Is that so, my dear Miss
Lillian (sarcastically)-Yes, I'm very
sorry-for you wife.
TENANT-Landlord, our house-wall
on one side has sprung out about ten
feet Landlord-Make yourself easy.
Although it probably renders the house
that much bigger do not fear; 1 will not
raise the rent on you.
ETHEL (aged 5, who is being put to
bed, when her mother in evening toilet,
enters the room)-Are you going to bed,
too, mamma? Mamma-No, dear; I'm
going to the opera. Are you going to
dress after you get there"
Mr.. HARDHEAD-So my old friend
Jollyfello is now living in your city.
Mr.. Goodfello-Yes, indeed been there
for some years. He's one of the most
popular men in town; no end of friends.
Mr.. Hardhead (sadly)-Then he still
drinks.
%YoU should visit the seaside, Mr..
Blank" said gushing young maiden
to crusty old lawyer, "and listen to
the murmuring of the tide" Il hear
enough of that every day." grunted the
lawyer. "Where?" queried the girl.
an the divorce court" replied the
wretch.
TTID Wife (to husband going abroad
on business)-Now, dear, do be careful
and not fall overheard, won't you?
Husband-To be sure will. Don't
worry. I shall be all right Wife
And if you should get wrecked out in
the ocean, John, I want you to tele-
graph to me at once.
AGED Groom-My dear, I have
bought the palace you most admired,
the horses you most liked, and all the
jewelry you took fancy took. Is there
nothing else I can buy for you? Young
Bride-No, indeed, my Love, don't
get anything more for me. Buy some
thing for yourself, my dear. Buy q
cemetery lot.
How IT Worked Grandma
is nothing like presence of mind, my
dear. Once, when was left alone in
the house, 1 discovered there was
burglar under the bed. Now, didn't
scream. 1 just sat down at the piano
and played until papa and brother came
home-nearly three hours. Dot-And
did they pull him out, grandma?
Grandma-They pulled him out-but
he was dead.