Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-03-20
IlUAIOR.


An ante-room- Gamblers den.
The buckwheat cake will soon come
to the scratch.
NOCTURNAL melody-We shall meet
in the suet by and by.
IT was the man who couldn't button
his coat who hadn't clothes enough to
go round.
TRAMP-Madam, can 1 get warm
bite here? Woman-Yes, sir! Here,
Tiger, sic him
A MARRIED couple may be one, but
that one cannot travel without two
railroad tickets.
HE-Miss Wayting, you are puzzle
to me. l never know how to take you.
She (shyly)-You never tried.
A NEW YORK girl who was attending
cooking school got so infatuated with
the culinary art that she went off and
married "supe."
THERE'S nothing very doleful about
it; still when a maiden has sifted kiss
through an incipient mustache she is
apt to get down in the mouth.
The modern critic: "Have you seen
Ibsen's new play ?" "To tell the truth, 1
have not had the time, l have been so
busy writing my criticism upon it"
MINN1E-I heard that you were going
to enter the lecture field. Mamie-The
idea! 1 am engaged to be married.
Minnie knew it was something
of the sort.
RoB-My dads squire and gets his
name in the paper every day. Tom
! (contemptuously)-That's nothin'. My
dad took Jink's liver pills and got his
picter in the papers.
FIRST Tramp ION country road)-
How are the folks down this way
friendly? Second Tramp-Well, can't
say much for the folks, but their dogs
do beat all for helpin' ye to get along.
ABsENT-MINDED Brown Cat the tele-
phone) )-Hellol who's speaking? Voice
Don't you recognize me? Brown
Well, er-I know your face, but | don't
quite recall your voice at the moment.
JMPsoN-Prof. Knowitall, the lee
turer, always wears a mustard plaster
when he goes on the platform. Why
do you suppose he does it? Jampson
To draw the attention of the audience,
perhaps.
SoHooLMIsTREss-Tommy, what did
you disobey me for? Tommy-'Cos !
thought you'd whip me. Schoolmis-
tress-What did you want me to whip
you for? Tommy-'Cos pa said he would
if you didn't, and he hurts.
t. D.,
beef? Eastern butcher (proudly)-
No, madam; we don't deal in ill-man-
nered steers from the rowdy West.
This beef, madam, is from highly cul-
tivated and very refined cow, formerly
of Boston.
any dearest Laura, what is the mat
ter? Here you are bathed in tears
and only four weeks after your we'd
ding" 80, Clara, my husband is a
candidate for Mayor and 1 have just
found out by this mornings paper that
he is paragon of all the vices"
MIsrREss-Di you buy stamp and
mail the letter, Bridget? ? Bridget-Oi
did, mum, and here's the change. Mis-
tress-How much did you pay for the
stamp? Bridget - Wan clint num-
The boy said he had em all the way
from wan clint up, an it's not the likes
of Bridget O'Toolihan wot goes about
wastin' money.
NO FLIES ON HIM.
1Down with tyrant foe" said he,
"That seeks this happy land;
All the energy that possess
My country may command.
@No arduous labor would shirk
No task would disdain,
To check invasion's hateful way
And liberty maintain"
| And when he finished his address
| And moved each hearers SOUL
His wife had built the kitchen fire
And carried in the coal.
CHICAGO fve-year-old boy (only
child)-Mamma, wish you'd get me |
little sister, I'm so lonesome. Sam,
boy Cat subsequent period, sitting up
right in his bed at II 80 p. m., ant
shaking his fist at his sweet little siste
in the next room)-If I'd known wha
howler you were goin' to be, you cal
just bet your life l never would hav
| Ordered yOu