Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1890-11-04
.What makes Won drink 80 n,roh -,


price. II remember rightly, the pro-
prictOr'S name was Dave Patullo, and
the place was known far aud wide
throughout the whole country as Cob
web Hall
We ordered two hot LochnagarS, al
though it was rather early in the sea-
son for such drinks, and then entered
the back room and sat down at one OF
the tableS-the very one, in fact, at
which had sat, years ago, with many
men. nearly all of whom are now dead
and gone. while others make occasional
visits TO BlackwelrS Island on their way
90 the Potter'S Field. and still others are
we'll and prosperous as politicians, law
yers. authors. and what not, one OF
them being professor OF mathematics
I'm well-known college, another dis
tinguished physician in this town. and
still another the eStimable and beloved
pastor OF a Presbyterian church in one
Of the Hudson River villages, with
charming wife and host of blooming
children. When our hot LOchnagars
came Steaming to the table, the man
went on 20 talk as follows:
You wanted to know why drink 50
much. Well, just at present it IS DO
cause I So much want TO drink, and for
the past three months that has been the
general explanation of the matter. Sup
pose YOU ask glutton why he eats so
much. and his answer, mUtdtiS mutton
dis. will be precisely the same rs mine
Why does your Spouter, like that fellow
over i'm the corner who is up on his ear
over the labor problem talk so much?
Because he likes to read, and not al all
because he wants 10 know things. And
So YOU can 90 on through the whole list
Of things that men and women do. IL
is Levers old song over again:
~Then he7e', 90 Martin Hanuican's aunt
And III tell YOU the reason why;
She ate becaus, she was hungry,
And drank because she was dry.
You see, / acknowledge the corn
and state the matter frankly as it is.
haven't drawn q sober breath since last
August, and, SO far as can see l am
not likely 10 draw one for many a moon
TO come. II may be for years, and IL
may be forever. What do l care? The
thing has run its course. have moth
ing 20 DO with il. IL is, TO parody Math-
ew Arnold, a power, not ourselves, that
makes fOr'-hOt exactly righteousness
certainly. but for something that know
nothing whatever about"
You have no will I'm the matter:
can't stop yourselt?'
~Oh. come now" said the man. don't
20 into metaphysics. The two abSo-
lutely certain events over which man
has no control whatever are his birth
and his death. He must be born and he
must die. They are both outside his
will. and n YOU mean TO tell me that any
of the minor and really uneSSential
things that he does between these two
extremes are under his own control,
why. ! simply can't talk with you.
Stick To facts. and order two or more
/ hot LochnagarS."
"Oh, I'll order the whisky fast
enough, and do YOU stick to facts your
self. To say that you load yourself up
f TO the muzzle seven days in week be-
cause you like IT is so general state
mcnt that 70 doesn't mean anything at
Iall. Come closer to the mark. All your
| friends are worried about YOU, and say
you are going to the dogs. If were in
your place | wouldn't drink drop.
John. bring us two more LOchnagarS'
Make mine stronger than the last
mine too" said the man, land put
/ less sugar i'm il, Don't put any at all,
and then, turning to me, he continued;
when a man drinks much he gets to
dislike sweet things. and l suppose he
finds all the carbon he needs in his alco-
hol. No. Tom" he went on, you're
right: you're right | suppose | drink
because have to brace myself up for
business. and if don't drink I'm just
/ like rag. You see, have matters OF
grave importance TO look after, and /
must keep my head clear, no matter
what happens. Now, tonight l abso-
lutely must have a level head when l
see nv man. It's matter OF $500 TO
me. and If l should come I'm like a rag
ON NV man couldn't transact the bust
ness. See? Rag can't transact bust
ness. can he? Why, when ! go down to
the Office i'm the morning about II o'clock
nv hand shakes so that l can't even
write my own name. Business must be
attended 10, however, and so go ont
and get a calkcr. Then feel all right
FOR about twenty minutes. and in that
time | 20 through business that tenn
perance man couldn't do in three hours
See?"
"Do you eat a good breakfasts"
No" said the man, Il never eat TIL
after business hours. II you use up
your vital powers in digestion, you
won't have much left for work. You
have lust so much vital energy, and the
question is. how shall you cxpend 1t?
In digeSting or in necessary work? Any
sensible man knows the answer. You
must work; you've got to work, and so
you've got 10 be in 4 condition in which
YOU can work. See? II l should eat
breakfast it would be all up with me
FOR the whole day. l couldn't do 4
stroke OF work. After business hours
generally take a bite OF something. In
deed. l ate a sandwich just before met
YOU. and it sits rather heavy on my
stomach now. John. bring US two more
hot LochnagarS, Same as the last!
The fact is. Tom, old man, I'm driven
almost to death with work, and my
brain actually can't stand the pressure
without stimulantS."
'Why don't you try coffee, old fell
lowe"
"Oh, coffee. Coffee doesn't agree with
either my nerves or my stomach, and
makes me shake as though l had the
palsy. To a system like mine coffee is
n specific poison, and besides, it doesn't
touch the spot as whiskey does. Dear
old Lochnagar. How il calls up old
times"
you'll ruin yourself completely,
though. if You don't let up on whiSkey.
don't care how intelligent a man may
be or how strong or how capable he Is
whiskey will fetch him! john two
II saw, old fel," said the man,
aren't you going it pretty steep?
Bring only one, John; enough'S enough,
and I've got 10 see my man tonight ana
80 | must keep straight. Make mine
light, John! l say, old chap, aren't you
doing a little too much OF this sort oil
thing yourSelf?'
u? Oh, can stand any amount oil
Tod and. besides, my work is all over