The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1890-11-21
VARIETIES.

WHATS 'caffy O. lay anyhow, Jim"
Dunno. Guess it must be coffee and eggs"
Little Tommy had spent the first day at
school. "Whst did you learn I" he was ask
ed on returning home. didn't learn any.
thing" well, what did you doa" didn't
do anything. A woman wanted to know
how to spell cat and told her."
The following advertisement lately ap.
peared in an Irish daily: WANTED, gen.
tleman to undertake the sale of patent med
icine The advertiser guarantees it will be
profitable to the undertaken"
81 see you Vermonters have come to the
conclusion that cider is not Intoxicating.
You voted that it was two years ago. How
do you account for the change in opinion"
"Well, ye see, this is goin' ter be good ap.
pie yearr
-"Help help |" shrieked man who was
struggling in the river. Cant you swim I"
asked a sympathetic individual on the shore.
Eyes. Pm drowning just for fun" was the
! ironical reply.
did you recognize your wife at the
masquerade ball last night?' mot until I
patted her shoulder, and she whispered to me:
'Lemuel, don't make fool of yourself, you
old donkey"
An old gentleman was distributing tracts
to passengers in car, and gentleman who
was an infidel put to him the question,
"What is to become of the heathenr The
kindly toned answer was, "Friend, II you
get to heaven, you will either find the heath
en- there or good reason for their absence"
Papa" inquired Congressman's little
daughter over French lesson, "what is the
French for battle horse?" "a war horse
you mean don't you r' Il guess 30, papa"
"Of course you do, daughter. The French
for that is horse du combat," and the member
stroked his whiskers with prideful dignity
and went on with his newspaper.
1t is related of Bishop Wilberforce that
once, when he was examining the son
of an English merchant settled in Greece, he
was SO Mortified by his pronunciation of GER
tain passages in the Greek Testament, that he
cried: "Where did you learn Greekp To
which the candidate made humble reply;
"At Athens, my lordp'
"A lady obtained her husbands permits
sion to try her luck at the gaming table,
when a by-stander remarked that ladies
always won when they staked the money on
the number of their years. "Then will put
mine on 25," answered the lady. But 81
turned out to be the winning number, and
then the mortified husband was heard to NUT
ter: There. you see, wife, if you had only
told the truth"
"A Scotchman, who had been employed
nearly all his life in building railways in the
| highlands of Scotland, came to the United
States in his later years and settled in new
section on the plains of the far West. Soon
after his arrival, project came upin his new
home for the construction of railroad
through the district, and the Scotchman was
applied to, as man of experience in such
matters. "Hoot, mon |" said he, to the spokes.
man of the scheme Eye Gamma build railway
across this kentryl" why not, Mr.. Fergu.
son ?" "Why not?" be repeated, with an air
of settling the whole matter; why mott
And dinna ye see the kentry's as fiat as
fure, and ye have ma place whate ever to run
your ioonnels through"
One of the most notable examples of the
constant and yet almost imperceptible
changes taking place in the heavens is to be
found in the motion of the seven bright stars
collectively known as the Big Dipper. Hug.
gins, the noted astronomer, is now engaged
ed in proving that five of these stars are NOV.
ing in the same direction, while the other two
are moving in direction directly opposite.
Professor Flammarion has reduced Higgins
calculations to a system, arranging them
upon charts These ingeniously constructed
heavenly outlines show that 100 600 years
ago the "Dpper" stars were arranged in the
outlines of large and irregular shaped cross,
and that 100000 years hence they will have
assumed the form of an elongated diamond,
ttre!chipg over three or four times the ex-
sent OF sky now occupied.