The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1890-12-17
the puNCRBOwl WATER SUPPLY.
A suburban Romance.

This is the story of wedding
which didn't come off, and. of two
loving hearts that we're trodden I'M
derfoot by the hoof of calamity.
One of the parties to the transaction
resided on New Madeira, Punch
bowl; an elevated suburb with an
intermittent water supply, where Ia
houses are supplied by half-inch
pipe with taps that run by fits and
starts with intervals between, when
the fit is over and the start hasn't
begun. Consequently when the New
Madeira man wants bath he sim
ply escapes out of his clothes and
sits down under the tap and waits.
When he has waited till he is dead
tired, and not single drop has
come, he gets into his clothes again
and clears out, leaving the tap turn
ed on by mistake, and when he is
gone the delusive fluid comes with a
rush and floods the house, and stops
running just ten minutes before he
gets back and there is no water
again for II hours. 1t was this To-
cal popularity which broke up the
two lovers alluded to, and scattered
their hopes like glass eye struck
by dynamite. The bridegroom was
a stranger in the land, and on his
wedding morning he rose up early
and climbed under the shower bath.
He turned the water on just enough
to make him reasonably damp, and
then he turned it off again and
smothered himself from head to foot
in soap. When he could hold no
more soap he turned it on once
more-or tried to do so, but there
was no water there.
He got one eye open with diff
Guilty and inspected the pipes, but
the soap got into it and he closed it
hurriedly. In his ignorance he fonly
imagined that the refreshing fluid
would come back in few seconds,
so he sat on the edge of the bath to
wait. He kept on waiting. An hour
passed slowly and the soap had dried
on him and he grew wild and began
10 denounce the loss of the water
system and the government as a
gathering of hogs, dogs and devils,
but no good results followed. He
also began to get cramped, so he
spent the rest of the hour sitting or
the floor, and using language which
would make his best girls hair run
cold and her blood stand on end
and then he crawled back to his bed
room kicking his clothes in front OF
him, and tried vainly to get the SOAP
off with the hat brush. Next he
attempted to remove it with cod
liver oil, and when that scheme fell
through also there were no more
available liquids left but INK and
mucllage. At this stage he lay
down and held on to the floor, ELSE
he would have blown the roof of
with an explosion of sentiment, and
lest he might do some damage he
hid under the bed and cursed in.
wardly. The mattresses and other
fiXings helped to muffle exterior
sounds, so he staid under the bed
for two hours and half before il
struck him that there was dull
sound of rushing water somewhere,
but when he fled back to the bath
room he found that though the wa
ter had evidently been running for
thirty minutes or so, it had just
stopped again, and he was in time
TO catch the last drop on the top of
his head and that was all.
Human endurance gave out at
this point and he calculated % or
20 times louder than before. Ma
turally enough this brought z women
and 13 dogs all asking him through
the keyhole what was the matter,
but when he babe them 60 away be-
cause he had nothing on except one
drop of water on his head, they set
it down to drink. 1t was about four
O'Clock in the afternoon when the
BRIDES brother came along with
thunder in his eye and stick IN his
hand to demand why hehad not turn
ed up at the altar, and when he tried
the bedroom door he found it lock
ed. Then he demanded admittahce,
and in response there arose within
the hoarse, idiotic shrek of dry
maniac covered with soap. The
sufferers reason had given way be-
meath the strain, and he had emptied
the mucilage and the ink over
his head and then got under the
bed. He was dragged out with diff
Guilty and removed to the asylum
where he has shower hath every
morning without soap, but his case
is generally regarded as hopeless.
There is settled gloom upon his
soul and the spark of intelligence
has fled forever. HYDRoPHoBIA.
The ENGLISH IEVEE.