Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1890-11-29

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turned off "-NeW York Herald.
I'M saving up the ducats now
The Guletide's coming free
And must save to pay for gifts
My family gives to me.
-Neao York Herald.
AN Iowa woman has named her twin
daughters Gasoline and kerosine. We
hope the babies will grow up paratfine
girls.-Boston Herald.
THE man who has won new suit on
the election is perfectly satisfied with
the clothes of the calpai On - CONNER
cial Bulletin.
AS an instance of how beer will foster
combativeness, it may be said that
there are always some spars on a
schooner Joseph Ne,cs.
"WELL, little Fritz, how did you like
your dinner?" asked his aunty. 80,
we don't have any better at home, but
there's more of tit. D Youths Companion.
A REWARD. Children, to-day we are
going to have fish for dinner, and if you
will try to be very good you shall pound
me on the back if ! get bone in my
throat. "-FHegende Blfctter.
BowsER-"Pillers is an enterprising
doctor, isn't he ?''
Waggie-"Y es, indeed Why, he has
motto hung up in his office, Patients
are virtue. '"-Hurper's Baear.
A POLITICIAN attended a dinner party
at which there was fillet of beef with
mushrooms. He attacked the beef Wig
orously, and pretty soon whispered to
his neighbor, "Do you eat the clothes
pin heads, pr Youths Companion.
SrRAwBER-"Did you hear about that
man who was found starving on door
step yesterday afternoon at & O'Clock -
L. i; IL 10 no
in such a fix" rawber-"He had
Just been to ) O'Clock tea. "-NeW York
SIN.
Bronson Ito the editor of the Booms-
town Banner)-"That was u pretty
know how you managed to swallow it. !"
Editor-''Well, you know, have patent
insides . West Shore.
WHITLEY Ito small boy) "Here,
sonny, if you'll collect me a lot of in
sects I'll give you q quarter"
Small Boy-"Insects What do yer
want 'em fer"
Whitely-"I want to put them on my
wite's plants. She won't let me smoke
in the house except to kill insects onthe
plants. "-Vest Shore.
In CoURT-''So Mr. Meyer, you want
a separation from your wife. What is
your ground?" can unconquerable
aversion.'' "And you, Mrs. Meyer,
also want separation, and your rea-
son ?" can unconquerable aversion"
"With such harmony Of feeling as
YOU seem to have, | must advise you to
remain together. ''-FHegende Bt@tter.
THE SPREAD OF CULTURE DowNwARDs.-
Jones Ito Mrs J.)-"Esker VOC ne
ponxay pah ker la noovelle Fum-de-
Il i In(a
Mrs j., (who is oyer-considerate OF
party Fronxay devong lev domesteek;
ce may pan police, WOO sayyy ?"
The New Scotch Housemaid-"Oh
monsieur, quaint a ca, ce nest pas la
peine de vous gener deyant moi. Je
comprends assez bien lie Francois p
Punch.
A COOP ExAMpLE.-"What kind of
big egg is that that YOU have put III the
hen-house ?'
Chat is an ostrich egg. l put it in
there so that the hens might follow the
good example. ''-FNeqende BltHer.
ALWAYS NEEDED Observation-Disclosures
CHATS a fine dog you have there.
What do YOU call him?''
Tags Emin Pasha."
Scoilops-"W do you call him that ?"
Taggs- because I've had to spend so
much time finding him. '-BostonC Courier.
"MAMMA, what is the use of keeping
the whip you use on me behind the
motto God bless our home "
"Can you suggest better place %
eyes, mamma; put it behind the mot
to 4 need Thee every hour. Central
West.
I D1MMICK-" T. Barnum says the
press, the pulpit, and the circus are the
great civilizers." Kickshaw-'I don't
believe Barnum ever said that" Dim
mick-E'Whv?" Kickshaw-"He would
have put the circus first. "-BroohIyn
Life.
"WnAr kind of physician is DR..
Scalpel %
splendid | never saw his equal.
His diagnoses are wonderful He
makes a dead sure thing OF it every
time.
''Does he? Well, | guess | won't
have him. '-Bcstol Transcript.
TEACHER = eff you had a suit of
clothes, and someone should give you
another, how many would you have %
Willie Slimson - Cone" Teacher -
"Now, Willie, how do you make that
out?'' Willie-"My little brother Bob
bic would have the other. "-Hdrper's
Bd=dr.
MAMMA from the next room. hearing
suspiciously sibilant noise followed by
scream-''What was that Agnes?"
Mr.. Sissy (who lisps, but is equal to the
occasion )-''That wath a mouth; it
startled NTH Agnes" Mamma (who
has been young herself) Yes; |
tbonobt if wasl Don't do it again,