The Republican., 1890-12-12

.lA4gglykz=E around. I
-2>@- nj nave arrio1 to n
Mrs. Hoofnackle now twenty-sevcn-
years. If it wasn't for that | would not
be able to stand 100 degrees in the shade
as we'll as do.
The coolest place have been able to
find in st. Louis is Zweibeer's saloon,
which is quite convenient to my place of
residence. A few choice spirits hold a
regular session there every day, and oc-
casionally we have an extra session.
Among them is Mr.. Smiley, the under
tal1er, who has studio on the next
block; Mr.. Gawper, an auctionccr, and
several others. All of them suffer more
or less from the heat and at times the
| conversation drifts into that channel.
Such original remarks as ''Is this hot
enough for you?" what do you think?
1t is l04 in the shade right now;" 81
pcrspire very much in this weather
how is it with you?" Then they all say
in chorus, "Fearfully! I'm just Gov
cred with priclIly heat. l look like a
boiled lobster" Perhaps another mem
Der of tho little coterie comes in and
says: "Gentlcmcn, it is l04 in the
shade. Is this hot enough for you?"
etc.
However, one day we had little
change in the programme. Zweibeer
has had an enormous ice-box or refriger-
ator built in his back yard. 1t is almost
as big as freight-car. On one side he
keeps his kegs of beer and in the other
all his eatables. And may DO he amt
proud of that refrigerator. He does not
talk of much else. ! believe he would
rather lose his wife than that
refrigerator. 1t is almost impossible
for anybody to come near the saloon
without his compelling them to inspect
that refrigerator and listen to what he
has to say about it's many advantages.
Well, there happened to be a couple
of elegantly-dressed Germans from
Texas in Zweibeer's saloon. They were
drinking bottled beer, and somebody
suggested some lunch. One of the Tex
ans remarked that he didn't care for
lunch this hot weather, as meats wcre
SO liable to spoil; besides there were so
many flies. This put keen edge on
Iweibeer, regarding it as reflection on
his ice-boX, so he stretched forth his
hand, like prophet of old, and spoke:
81 will concede, schentlemens, dot on
de average mebbe you vas right, but in
my case you vas miShtalen. | have at
great exsphense had constructed a palace
lce-box vieh vas simply incomprchensi-
Bile. Every ding vat is put in it remains
choost SO sweet and fresh ash it never
vas pefcre. l dells you schentlemens
ven you Ghost sthiclIs your nose rofriger-
ator in you gets you will get an appetite
choost dc same ash ven you dalles q
tonic. Kom mitme, schentlemen" and he
was not satisfied until he dragged them
out into the yard and pulled open the
door of the palace ice-box Then Zwei-
beer started back, for sitting on chair
In the cool interior of the ice-box was
Undertaken Srailcy, taking quiet
suooze. Zweibeer reached in sezing
the startled undertaken by the neck,
jerlled him into the yard, and shook him
as II terrier does q rat, saying:
"Vot you means nit dot shabby trick.
I'll prcak every pone in your body. Wy
don't you go into your own ice boxes
nit your corpses ven you wants to
schnooze?"
The exaspcrated saloon keeper and
his former friend Smiley, the UNDER
taker, were separated by the gentlemen
from Texas who, for some reason or
other, did not care for any lunch. The
insultcd undertaken subsequently took
mo aside and said:
"Mr. Hoofnackle, isn't it an outrage
the way that animal treated mo this
morning? There is no trace of gentle
manly instinct, no refinement about the
brute. If didn't know that IN short
time he is going to die from Brights
disease anyhow, and chat he is liable to
drop dead any minute from this heat
and apoplexy, I'd never put my foot
inside of his saloon again, but l don't
propose to cut off my nose to spite my
'.":a. Sooner or later, Tll have him in
,ov ice box, the low pitiful scoundrel.
That will be my satisfaction for his
brutality to me this morning" Yom
friend, JACKSON p. looSNAcKLE.
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