The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-12-13
0 RARE ARIEMUS WARD!
In Him the Elements We're So
Mixed Up That Mirth
Prevailed.
Fresh Anecdotes of the Great
Humorist by His Maine
Neighbors.
HE Heart Was Full of Kindness, His Wit
Like Flashes of Beneficent
Sunshine.


uTan him at any time and he'll rum" is
said systematically of DR.. Holmes, and
the saving is true of Artemus. only that he
would also run without tapping. He was
always full and running over with quaint
humor. And yet, beyond his seeming
liphtness of disposition and temperament
there was depth and solidity, for he was a
philosopher as we'll as jester. and we all
know be had big, tender heart.
And as I recall my last interview
with his mother. the late Mrs. Car.
oline Brown, and how she dweit upon
his faithfulness to her rather than upon
those intellectual qualities which made him
world-famous there rises to my minds ego
the vision of character as noble and manly
az il was comical and unique.
But it is in the cnecdotal line-the pluck
ing of a few fresh pearls from tho we'll nigh
interminable string of funny sayings and
doings-that propose now to speak.
Il can never forget the time he stopped
at NV house over night, one winter. long,
long ago. and how he gave lesson in spell
ing to very young and bright little girl"
said Nathan Church. the former landlord of
Churcll's tavern in Naples, Me-, to me the
other day.
Lets hear about it."
"You see, Artemus had been visiting his
mother and boyhood friends in Waterford,
and was on mis- way to Portland by private
team over the old stage road. ltwas toward
night, and it being a long way to Portland
he nut up with me for the night.
'sFor wondor. the great humoriSt was
about my only guest that night-at least
the only transient guest. Artemus made
himself entirely at home. The season was
H. $hn hi Fr0r >vnn
leaped and cracked, sending rudy glow
upon the thin face Of the sober-visaged
traveller, as leaning back in the old
fashioned high-back rocking chair, he
Razed pensively upon the glowing heap.
Occasionally he turned and addressed
word to me.
Presently bright-eyed little girl, about
eight years of age who was staying tempo
rarily at the house. entered the loom and
seated herself near the fire at a respectable
distance from the stranger.
'.She had been there only few minutes
when Artemus suddenly turned to her,
with solemn countenance slowly in
Quired:
"'Excuse me my little dear, but please
tell ME now you spell the word catT
"sC-a-t,' was her prompt response.
"'Ah! how sad, how very sad remarked
the great Snowman in doleful tones and
with deprecatory shake of the head, that
J
to be should have had your early education
so dreadfully neglected! Ny dear, allow me
to set you right. The correct and only
true way to spell cat is kat. Now you
won't forget it, will you!
but, tell you my way is right she
pertly and earnestly retorted. My book
says it's Cat, and my teacher says it's Cat.
"'All wrong-radically terribly wrong,
moaned the almost weeping humorist. Let
me convince you of your terrible error
And thereupon he proceeded to weave
about the young maidens plastic, innocent
mind the most ingenious, subtle, plausible
network of sophistries that even Patrick
Henry, a Rufus Choate or Ben Butler
could have invented. His student listened,
entranced; doubted. wavered and at the end
of the long argument, believed. And when
he retired for the night his face wore tri-
night utterance of his Guileless companion
kat"
One of Artemus' most intimate friends
was the late Dan Setchell, the famous COM
edian. He used to visit Ward at the old
homestead in Waterford. and on such occa-
sions there was fun alive.
One day the two drove from Portland te
Waterford, and had, as they reported. 4
solemn time" of it. Ward had tied {
great rope about Setchell, and represented
that he was an insane man whom he wal
uOIue from Cuo HSyluI ~ augusta
He called at number of houses for mix
lures of pepper and vinegar and other con
diments. which he proposed giving a. medi
cine to the ''insanee man. While takin,
these Setchell would affect great aversion
to them, and struggle as if resisting to tn
in menagerie, which hell could initial
most perfectly; all this to I, fear and won
dsr Of those who wines he he perform
ance. ed
are to bea
I'm noticing these freaks We one sid
IN MI nd that they illustrate onlytO VIII
of hio o haracter," says Don Seitz. o.
am indebted for the story.
It was on one Of those Setchell visits tn
the two registered for the night at Il
Brighton house, in Brighton Center villag
then kept by Marshall Davis. Recurring
their stays. Mr.. Davis told me that the tw
fun lover, soon after their arrival, took
team and drove to sparseiy settled neig
borhood, few miles to the westward, rig
beside Pleasant Mountain, to attend
old fashioned Kitchen party" 1t was O.
of those primitive gatherinRs where rur
games and the country dance. That t
unbidden guests saw the incarnation
rural greenness. allied with superlati
happiness, may be inferred from their pr
formances next morning.
s.Of all the comic delineatiOns ever 9
or heard, those of Artemus Ward and d
6etchell beat the record" said Mr.. Dav
ut VAS evident that they had struck gre
set Of fellows and girls at that kitch
breakdown. and that they had made
faithful study of their rural acquaintanc
Artemus would personate some young il
athan aud Setchell would act the part
some Huldah Jane, and il rich verdancy Y
not graphically illustrated. / don't know WI
comic acting is. One would invite the otl
to dance, the other would accept with
your everlastingly bet will. by gosh q
the happy pair would rush to form ON
door, his arm around her waist and b,
a-Riggling and te-he-ing and making
quointest. most countrified expressions
aginable. And SO they would 70 on. tax
mp and reproducing other characters of
kitchen drama, until it did seem we sho
break q blood vessel with laughter.
short. it was the best comedy ever {
played"
At another time when Setchell was vi
ing his friend, the latter victimized him
taking him to wretched howell. some m
from the village, wherein dwelt in the N
primitive fashion, family Of very eiml
minded people, whom Ward had CLOWN
described as retired actress, rich and
oomplished, with two charming daught4
u y still an unsettled question which
the most astounded when the introduce
took place. the actor or "actress,''
Poor Dan! He met his fate not long af
ward BY being lost at sea on a voyage fl
Boston to San Francisco, whittier he
bound to I'LL q professional en0aQemt
not long after his Boston hit in 9.
Cataract Of the Ganges."
Pooe Artemus, he too, died far from b.