The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-07-09

Ban YoRM-Chloroform.

Called to order-The bartender.
The most successful of all spoilers
Flies.
WISKIYG at sin-Lowering the eye
lid at the druggist.
THE student who cannot pass an
examination frequently experiences q
greater difficulty in passing saloon.
DoN'T be a clam If you've got to
be anything of the kind, be a mud tur-
tie. Then you may have some snap to
you.
WE have it on reliable authority that
good deal of the time spent by young
ladies and gentlemen in parlors goes to
waist.
BosToN HoUsEKEEpER-Is not this
lump of ice rather diminutive? Polite
Iceman - You should remember,
madam, that cold contracts.
Il THINK / know now" said the man
who had taken the twenty-cent piece
for twenty-five, what is meant by the
expression contracted quarters.
RpLEY-.How Shorts laughed at
Fogg's story While ago. / didn't
think it very funny. Wilks-I didn't /;
but Shorts had Just before borrowed
five dollars from Fogg.
Mr.. JAsoN-I saw something to-day
that would make q mans hair stand on
end. Mrs. Jason - Gracious What
was it? Mr.. Jason-A bottle Of mu-
cilage.
"IT's enough to kind of sour "a man
on human nature" said the tramp,
when you stop TO consider how often
YOU'RE called lazy because you won't do
a 75-cent job at sawin' wood for To-
cent breakfast.
FIRST PoET-I am going to get even
with the editor of the NOgoOd Maya
zine. Second Poet - How? First
Poet--I've sent him poem, and I've
poisoned the mucilage on the return
eny elope.
FIRST TRAMP pointing to scare
crow in cornfeld Look Lookee
thee! Second Tramp My! My! We
must git out o this, double quick.
They've caught one of us fellers and
nailed him to pole.
TRAMP Beg pardon, sir; can you
'elp pore man? I've lost my voice
and now I'm out o work Old gentle
man-Out of work because You lost
your voice! Are you a vocalist? Tramr
No, sir; L sells fish,
"OH, children! You are so noisy to,
day Can't you be little stiller and
BETTER" "Now, grandma, you must
be little considerate and not scold us.
You see, if it wasn't for us you
wouldn't be grandma at all.
WILL-They say the Fast Street
Museum has become VIGOROUSLY bad
place of late. Bill-So it has.
wouldn't want any decent person to
know I'd ever had been there Sup
pose you and drop in there tonight,
just to look around.
PATRICK-Yez needn't talk t tn
loiks o me ABBOTT y'r Darwin. DIVE got
an argument phich downs i'm. Mon
is the only animal that kin talk.
Standardization to those Italians over
there. Patrick they're chatterin'
loike pack o monkeys.
well, my dear, are you quite sure
that the new play we are going TO see
tonight is quite proper" Entirely
so, my darling, but why do you ask ?"
Because if have to blush much had
better wear my scarlet corsage; it
would make a prettier effect"
HIS USUAL STYLE.
"Is there a man in this church to-day
Who'll come and give me his hand,
The preacher said, and go our way
On the trip 10 the Promised Land?'
"There is :" c led the editor, near the door,
While his face with rapture glowed;
Aud the minister said, as he eyed him DER:
"Free pass on the Heavenly road!
--.fHGHtd Constitute n.
Miss ANTIQUE taking politely a
proffered seat in crowded street-car)
Thank you, my little man. You
have been taught to be polite L am
glad to see. Did your mother tell you
to always give up your seat to ladies
Little Boy-No'm, not all ladies, only
old ladies.
A HARLEM minister, while marrying
a couple recently, is reported to have
been rather disconnected on asking the
bridegroom if he was willing to take
the young lady for his welded wife
by his scratching his head and saying,
"Yes, Pm willing; but I'd a much
sight rather have her sister"