Arizona weekly citizen., 1890-06-14
sWoPPEp TROUSERS.
How Captain Collier and Sheriff wallaes
 Got Into the Wrong Pants.


 Captain Collier, a well-known rive. man and coal merchant of Cincinnati. related thrilling incident in his cs- reer. He and ex-Sheriff Wallace were neighbOrs one summer, when the weather and the dscrees of fashion forced every body, even coal merchant and a sheriff, to wear white duck pants. -
 Captain Collier and Mir. Wallace were oppOsites in the matter of physical pro- portions, the captain being a large man and Mir. Wallace considerably under sized.
 They had the same washerwoman, and one Sunday morning she delivered the captains large and commodious duck pants to Sheriff Wallace and Sheriff Wallace's meager duck pants to Captain Collier.
 ''I was always kicking about some thing when I had to get ready for church." said Captain Collier, ssnd my wife had got so she paid little attention to me. She he'd the children to look as- ter, anyhow, and naturally thought l could look after myself. But those cnss- cd pants, they stuck so informally that it is no wonder growlGi at tAe laundry woman for shrinking theVl, and offered to bet that if ever succeed cd in getting into the things l would pever get out again. My wife did not sympathize with me, b1s continued to busy herself with the chiq- dren, only admOnishing me now and then not to be the biggest baby of all, but to stir my stumps and get ready for church. 1 tugged and sweat and sweat and tugged. At last I got into the con- founded trousers, which were so tight at every point that they actually choked me. We were late, of course, and of we hustled for ch arch, my wife looking af- ter the children and leaving me to tass care of myself. We got to church in- ally. but l think if we had had another block ts walk I would have dropped dead with heart-faiiure or something like that.
 Not until I was walking down the aisle ahead of her did Mrs. Collier take notice of my style, and then, as she said afterwards, she thought she would sink through the floor with shame and morti- Gcation, and all on account of those ab- normally tight brooches of mine, the like Of which she believed had never been seen outside of circus. She got me into our pew and concealed me from observation as best she could. She leaned over and asked me, in pity's name, where had got those pants. had nothing to conceal in the matter, and told her that I had got them out of the bundle that Mrs. Rubadub had brought home.
 Presently Sheriff Wallace and his family came in. The sheriff had on pair of white duck pants that simply hung on him, and that was all. He had them turned up at the bottom and trussed up at the top, besides being reefed in around the waist. But if the sheriff had had an eye for the eternal unftness of things, and particularly trousers, he must have seen that he was wearing garments that were never made for him. Mir. Wallace's pew was on the opposite side of the aisle from mine. After they had been seated a few mo- ments l was considerably embarrassed to see Mrs Wallace looking at my duck pant Stilu lHCH dG U6r QuSDaOU 5. Then saw my wife looking at Mir. Wallace's duck pants and then at mine. The two women looked at each other and laugh cd. The awful situation had daiyhed upOn them, and finally it dawned upon Wallace and me. The sermon? We'll, think the minister preaebed powerful sermon on eternal punishment, but I | was not sure of it, and neither was the sheriff
 'When the sermon was finished I | mOtioned for Wallace to come oyer into | my pew, as I wished to confer with him, | but he shook his head. He beckoned | me to come into his pew, but I would | have suffered martyrdom before would ! have stirred before all those people. We sent our families out with the rest | of the congregation, and when the | church was empty we called the minis ter up to us and made frank statement | Of tho case to him. The preacher was a man and good Christian, and through his loving kindness we were permitted to glide into his private room and exchange our trousers" ."-N. Y. World.