Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-11-13
Mr.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
The Latest Episode in the Domestic Lii
of That Peculiar Couple.

me. | followed him. l found him over
hauling the clothes-basket.
Mrs. Bowser," he began by way of
explanation, do you know that we
have had a close Gala dozen close
calls-from being burned alive in our
beds?"
Lands, no! What do you meanP''
Il mean that there hasn't been an
hour in the twenty-four since we
moved into this house that it was not
liable to take fire. In other words, we
have been lumbering on the edge of q
Volcano"
why, Mr. Bowser!"
Nothing but the hand of Provi.
dence has prevented a great disaster, "
he continued as he dumped the last OF
the clothes out of the hamper.
But what has that hamper to dc
with itP''
''Everything. Mrs. Bowser, did you
ever hear of spontaneous combustion?'
''Of course"
We'll, there hasn't been a day that
all the elements necessary to sponta
neous combustion haven't been present
in this hamper. Also, in 7arious other
places in this house. | shudder over
our narrow escape"
"You-you haven't gone and got an
other fire escape, have you?"
There you go! Always ready to
throw up something! l suppose you'll
call this notion of mine?"
What has spontaneous combustion
got to do with our clothes hamper?"
"Evervthing. Here are the ele-
ments right here to start a fire. Here
are cotton, wool and silk crowded to-
gether in temperature of at least 80
degrees. Nothing could be more
favorable"
Il don't believe itT''
What! What!' shouted Mr.. Bow
ser, holding up FELLOWSHIP in one
hand and one of baby's stockings in
the other. You don't believe in spon.
taneous combustlonr'
Under certain conditions. yes, but
those conditions can not be found
here. Some one has been working on
your imagination"
"Oh! They have! On my magma
tionw he softly whispered when
every scientist and scientific publica-
ton believes in spontaneous combus-
tion-when it is practically demon
strated every day in the year-when it
is a fact as we'll known as that a horse
has teeth, you stand there and tell me
that [ have been played on! Mrs.
Bowser, will you have the kindness to
90 down stairs?"
l went down, and he took every arti-
Gle from the hamper and spread them
out on the floor. Then he went
through every clothes closet and
bureau drawer, and it was fully two
hours before he came down and heayed
a great sigh of relief, and said:
There! We shall not be burned
alive-not tonight!
There was no danger" | replied.
"There wasn't. eh! Mrs. Bowser, |
Up
His emotion overcame him, and
got opportunity to say:
why don't other peoples houses
burn up through spontaneous combAs-
tion?'
No answer.
Il haven't seen anything in the
papers about a clothes hamper explo-
sion.n
Mr.. Bowser gritted his teeth.
If it has got to that pass that the
sheets off the spare bed can't come in
contact with the baby's stockings with
out striking fire, we'd better ill the
cellar with TN boxes"
Mr.. Bowser kicked at the cat but
missed her BY about two feet.
But there'll be a fire, of course.
You have overlooked an old vest some
where, and it will get down off it's
nook and walk over to one of your old
shoes and arrange for bonfire. |
'han't sleep wink tonight"
Mr.. Bowser circled around the room
hree times with great dignity, and
then went off to bed. When he was
out of the way | went out and had
talk with the cook. The result was
that we brought an iron kettle into
the front hall. cot out some cotton
batting, and as | went upstairs she
whispered TO ne:
i understand, ma'am. In exactly
half an hour I'm to touch it off"
Mr.. Bowser was in bed, and though
| spoke about the cool wave, baby's
cold and other things he had nothing
to say. | wasn't hurt, however. [
got into bed and waited. 1t wasn't
over ten minutes until the odor of
burning cotton was plain enough in
the room, and | sat up and gave Mr..
Bowser dig and asked:
Don't you smell smoker"
Smoker he shouted after sniff or
two, Il smell lire!'
perhaps the cook lighted the gas
with paper"
Perhaps the COMPOUNDED house is
afire! Che jumps out of bed) of course
it is! Che goes to the door). She's all
ablaze down stairs! Fire! Fire!
The baby' l shouted as he danced
around, but he was gone, carrying his
pantaloons and one shoe under his
arm. He ran down the hall. shouting
'ire!' at the top of his voice, came
back and grabbed his necktie and
shouted again, and the next l heard of
him he was in the front of the house
yelling like an Indian. Half a dozen
men were going by, on their way home
from some sort Of convention. and they
rushed into the house and soon located
the fire. | heard Mr.. Bowser telling
them that he had long expected it. and
that he had the most careless wife in
the world, and that he hadn't slept
sound for three months. and then there
was a pause. They had found the
kettle with the smoking cotton.
didn't hear Mr.. Bowser laughing
with the rest. Perhaps he tried to,
and it was a failure. 1t took all the
rest of the beer in the case to get the
men out, and they also ate up all the
cheese and crackers, but when they
had gone Mr.. Bowser came up stairs.
He struck every step with the tread of