Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-04-11
DEMOCRATIC WIT.
Humorous Speech in the House
Of Hon. w. L. Wilson.


sion of Reed, Mckinley, Cannon and
the New System-How Easy the Work OF
the Lobby Will BE.
Mr.. SPEAKER-There is no more in
spring sight in the eyes of all virtuous
and right minded men, none more full
of encouragement for youth, than when
hoary and notorious sinners who have
long persisted in wicked ways publicly
acknowledge their sins and transgres-
sions and.promise in the sight Of all men
to be virtuous, honest and righteous.
Laughter and applause on the Demo
cratic side. Oh, what a scene, worthy
the admiration of gods and men, have
we been permitted to witness in this
house during the past few days, as the
leaders on the other side have arisen,
one after another, with such open con-
LESSONS to the country!
Sir, the fruits of repentance were first
disclosed to us when the gentleman from
Illinois Mr.. Cannon] announced his own
conversion. 1t was, to be sure, very
energetic profession, for many and griev-
GUS were the sins to his account and, hav-
ing read in old Peter Cartwright how, in
days past, the spirit of true penitence
had thrown men into physical agonies, I
feared that the entire Republican mem
bership of this house would soon be
Jerking in the visible spasms of sor-
row and conviction; but we were soon
relieved by finding that it was simply
another and improving illustration of
the Scripture, that "the kingdom of
heaven suffereth violence, and the vio-
lent take it by force" Laughter and
applause.
REPUBLICANS COMPOSING THEIR SINS.
More gently, but not less firmly and
virtuously, came my good friend McKin-
ley, every lineament of his face radiant
with his new born zeal. He, too, had
long been leader in evil practices on
this floor, very Saul among the filibus-
tiers, but when he rose at his desk and
frankly confessed that during all the
long years of his indulgence in this sin
he could not recall that he had ever done
SO for ''a high or noble or worthy pur-
pose" his countenance shone like that of
Stephen when the crown of martyrdom
was about to fall upon him, and there
was no man even on this side of the
chamber who could doubt his remorse or
call in question his solemn promise that
he would do SO no more forever. Laugh
ter and applause on the Democratic
side.
And last of all came my not less dis
tinguished friend from Ohio Mr.. Butter
worth Oh, what powerful preacher
of righteousness was he renewed laugh
ter and applause on Democratic side] in
the address which he made to the gal
ieries laughter, confessing that he was
the very worst offender of them all, but
that henceforward his only object in life
would be to turn sinners to repentancel
Renewed laughter and applause. Sir,
it may be very wrong in me, but l must
be pardoned if express myself little
doubtful of the genuineness and perma-
nence of his conversion. Laughter. I
almost felt like exclaiming, as did the
good old bishop when men came to him
at midnight to bring the glad tidings
that s'Brother Jones has again professed
conversion" and he cried out, "Shoot
him on the spot [great laughter, SO that
he may get the benefit of it before he
again falls from grace" Renewed laugh
ter.
But. Mr.. Speaker, all these edifying
professions on the floor of the house were
as nothing compared to that which came
to us from your own chair. Laughter
On Democratic side. True, while they
were sudden and unexpected, we might
have been somewhat prepared for that
The gentleman from Georgia Mr.. Tur-
ner] has since called our attention to GER
tain utterances of the distinguished
speaker as early as the 4th of July Last
mingled with certain illusions to Lord
Nelson and the battles of Trafalgar and
the Nile, that l did not exactly appre-
hend-which clearly showed that he was
already experiencing a change of heart.
{Laughter.]
But, sir, can we imagine any spectacle
more edifying, more inspiring to the
youth. of America than that of thespeak-
er of this great house, standing upon
wonder high tribunal and calling upon
all the people to witness his humble pro-
LESSONS of penitence; nay, even his CRATE
full disclosure of the unworthy instrl-
ments of his conversion. Renewed
laughter and applause on the Democratic
side. How thankful should we also be
that before the rule of general parlia-
mentary law made it improper to read
printed books from the clerks desk, the
speaker caused to be read to us the Psalm
of David that first put him on the stool
of repentance! Renewed laughter
BALKAN THE PROPHET AND SPEAKER REED
IT. is of no moment that the gentleman
from Kentucky [Mr. Carlisle] immedi-
ately proved that the psalm was sung by
David himself to quite another tune
lIaughter], or that the gentle voice from
tennessee was prematurely and fudely
hushed. Such things cannot detract
from the merits of the speakers CONVEX
sion. They but increase those merits,
for thew show forth once again how the
world and tie great men thereof may be
saved by the foolishness OF preaching.
Laughter.
Sir, theologians are yet disputing
whether Balaam, the son of Beor. was
finally saved, but no man doubts that
Balaam, the son Of Beor, to say nothing
of the lowly beast on which he rode
[laughter], was made the vehicle and the
fundamentally by which Gods blessing
was conveyed to Gods people. Laugh
ter.
All, Mr.. Speaker, this new dispense
ton of general parliamentary law has
come to US under auspices that have no
counterpart in the history OF parliament
airy government Itcan be likened only
to the preaching of Christianity to the
disciples at Damascus by the same saul
who had set forth to prosecute them; to
the gift of free trade to England by the
very statesman who went into office TO