Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1890-11-21
Told at the Liars Club.

lie Sds slONt udu Uccu iOuCiSN Oh'
the cigars lighted. and the door
locked TO keep out any vagrant con-
scientious seruple that might come
poking around 10 disturb any mem-
Der of the club.
The medal, the reward of him who
should tell the biggest whopper, to be
worn until the preceding biggest
whopper had been out-whopped, re-
posed upon the breast of the Colonel,
where it had glittered for the unpre-
cedentedly long period of six months,
1t was a handsome medal, made OF
gold IS karats fine, bearing upon the
one side an idealized head in the pro-
file of Ananias, and on its diverse
this exalted sentiment: "Mendacity
is the daughter OF invention. "
The Colonel was proud of his PROV
ess in the science TO which the club
was devoted. From his early youth
he had regarded a good lie as rather
to be chosen than great riches. He
had no use, he said, FOR men Ike
Washington, who, he added, must
have been living lie, else he would
have died young. He held truth TO
be an uninteresting bit OF vacuity. y
fool could tell the truth; lying was
allied to genius. The confessed fact
that Truth, after n prolonged exist
ence, was still permitted TO go naked
and dwell at the bottom of = well,
showed, in the Coloners Judgment
that the worlds sympathy for IT
amounted to nothing at all, else
Truth would have secured a good
habit and would have dwelt in pal
aces. Mendacity, on the other hand,
he claimed to be well-garmented,
well-housed essential TO human life.
AS the daughter OF Invention, il was
a direct lineal descendant of Neces-
sitv. and therefore worthy OF cultiva
ton.
This evening the Colonel pulled
upon mis- cigar with an air Of supreme
satisfaction. He had just finish
ed the most magnificent lie Of his
life, which was, in brief, that he had
once told the truth. 1t was n short
lie. but he felt satisfied with il.
Nevertheless, symptoms of disappoint-
ment were manifested by his fellow
members. They liked n good lie as
much as the Colonel did, but they
had, one and all, notion that IA lie
told at the expense OF ones self-re-
spect should not be told.
That may do, Colonel, put in the
Major, among ordinary liars, but
with us it doesn't go. We all admit
that it hasn't grain Of truth in ii,
but you weaken your position among
men of our standing when you tell a
lie of that sort. Any man who will
admit that he once told the truth
violates one of the first principles OF
our association. However, |, for one,
don't believe in rubbing it in. You've
held on to the medal for six months
most nobly, and in view Of the past
record for pure, unaduterated IA alsiti-
cation, it is my sentiment that the
club should overlook this evenings
faux pas. The man who attempts TO
hold that little badge OF honor which
you wear for more than six months
has bitten off more than he can chew
like the bull ] heard OF last week
that swallowed watch when he was
a calf.
What bull was ity' said the Col
onel."
why, my butcher was telling me
about it. His father once owned n
little red bull calf that swallowed the
hired mans vest, with his watch and
a silver dollar in tit was ten years
ago. Last week the bull was killed,
and in cutting him up they found the
money and watch In the vest pocket
intact
"A fair story that, but nothing
wildly improbable about 1t, > said the
Colonel.
IF the bull had increased the mon
ey at the rate of six per cent per an
mum, and had been found with a
dollar and sixty cents In his stomach
at the end of ten years, we might
think something Of it.
We'll" said the Major, passing
lightly over this astonishing criticism,
that's all right, but there was one
thing remarkable about the watch.
1t was going, and hadn't lost q sec
oDd's time in ten years"
Going? The watch was goingf
cried the Colonel, his face growing
pale with excitement.
Yes sir; going" replied the Major.
1T was a stem -winder, and the wheel
had got caught between the animals
lungs so that every time he brsathed
he wound the watch up
Here, Major" put in the Colonel
take the medal and give me your
butchers address"
The Major bowed. Taking the
medal he pinned it upon his breast
with a sweet smile.
''Thunderationr' cried the Major,
suddenly.
What is the matterT' queried the
Colonel.
Are you sickr' put in another
Bring some brandy" cried a
third.
The Major is going to faint"
No. I'm not" said the Major,
with a gasp. But, boys, look at
the medal"
The boys" looked, and 10! Anani-