The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1890-05-17
WIT AND HUMOR.


felons on his hands, -Kear''ey Enter
Eise;
True genius much resembles mus.
tard-piaster. The secret Of its smart
ness les in close application. "-7srr<
3attH Express
You can no more judge man by his
daily walk and conversation than you
can an election-day saloon by its front
door.-Dctrou Free Press.
It's fortunate that a man learns the
.'rule of three" when child, for later
in life he never gets beyond the rule OF
one.-Kear'aey Enterprise.
'.Do you suppose Vassar girls sue
coed in after life, Mr.. SmartyF" why.
of course. heard of one getting mar
ried the other day. -Epoch.
Professional Beat Ito hotel proprie-
tor)-'Is there any danger of "a fire
here?" Proprietor-''Not if you settle
for YOUR board in advance. "-BOst0n
Herald.
Really this is awkward. What did
come here for? All. yes, l remember:
My dear young lady, l adore you. VIII
you grant me your hand. "-F1iege''de
Blatter.
II saw a goblet to-day made of
BONE" "Pshaw! l saw a tumbler
made of flesh and blood last night!'
'Where?" Eat the circus. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
Our office-boy asserts that English
sparrows are like rubber bands, be-
cause they are gutter-perchers and have
received great deal of a-tension.-
Hotel Gazette.
Brown-"How time fiesr' jenkins
II am not aware of its speedy pass
age" B.-'Then you have not note
to pay" J.-"No; l hold yours. y
Boston Budget.
Husband Ito wife at the theater)-
Have you brought your opera-glass?"
Wife-''Yes, but l can'tuse it." why
notp" Il forgot to bring my diamond
bracelet. ''-Ieaas Sytings.
Fond Mother-"You should remem-
Der, my child, that the little birds in
their nest agree" Johnny-''Bute every
once in while one of 'em falls out.
I'm that one. "-Munsey's Weekly.
The Rev. Mr.. Highys-.I did not
y
terday, Mrs. Au Fait." Mrs. Au Fait-
mo, 1 was i'll; but II sent my card
by the coachman. "--LaWrence Anaeyi-
can.
Stranger (to bootblack) -"Can you
tell me, my little fellow, the best way
to get to the station?" Bootblack-
DE best way is to take hack; but if
you're broke you'd better walk. ~
\. Sun.
A man who beats the gong at rail-
way eating-station makes big noise
in the world. but he does not get there.
Some other fellow eats the dinner. He
simply makes the din.-Ne,O Orleans
Ptcayuue.
Going to vote?" asked the furnace
Il am registered all over the house."
And the gas meter replied: "Wait I'M
til the old man sees how much | have
registered if you want to hear music"
Boston Bulletin.
Mother you have broken my
cup. You deserve a whipping; come
here" Fritz-''No; | won't come"
Mother-''Come, Fritz, till | whip you,
and then you shall have slice of cake"
-FHegende Blatter.
First Juror tell you this bribery |
of jurors is a crying shame, it's a dis
grace" Second Juror-''You' dead |
right. The darn fool who did the brib-
ing never offered me cent. He ought |
to be punished. Epoch.
Wife Cat church -''That man in the
second pew is acting very strangely.
Do you think he is crazy?" Husband |
Il wouldn't be at all surprised, my
dear; see his collar button has gone
down his back.n-N Y. Sun.
When woman clinches her teeth,
shuts up her fists, and remarks in q
concentrated voice, Il wish was that
mans wife for about FIVE minutes" it
is mighty lucky for that man" that
she isn't.-Ierre Haette Express,
1t is fact worth bordering that
though the night falls around us it
never breaks, whereas the day breaks
but never falls. We offer this deli
cate fancy to some struggling aspirant
for poetical honors.-Ha'per's Bazar.
Barber-'I think this is the first
time l ever shaved you, SIR" Victim
YOU'RE mistaken there" Barber
Strange / fail to remember SIR"
Victim-'You wouldn't be so likely
to remember it as l. "-Boston Herald.
Visitor-'1 hope, my friend, that you
now see the great error you have
made" Murderer-"Yes, | see it
clearer every day. II I'd only r killed
de hired girl, too, there wouldn't have
been no one left to peach on y
Life.
First Female Burglar-"Get your gun.
We are going to crack old man Col
dollars house tonight" Second Fe-
male Burglar-'1 wouldn't go into
that house after dark for the world. 1t
is chuck full of mice. "-1erre Haute
Express.
Jones-'1 believe in equal rights for
that fairest of Gods creation-woman.
The gentler sex, so dear to the heart
OF man, should have all privileges ac-
corded to u.s." Smith speaking to
his friend Banks)-'I wonder if that
man is married. "-Kear7sey Enterprise
Short-sighted gentleman chooses
pair OF spectacles. These glasses"
he says, ''are not strong enough for
me. But, sir, they are No. ~ {
What have you next to No. g." mo. |
L." land after thatp" after No. l,
Sir, you will want dog!"-Ln Holtaire
Deacon Jones (solemnly) - my !
young friend, do you attend place Of )
Worship" Young Yes, sir,