Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-02-20
THE MORNING CALL.


THE MORNING CALL.
When mother says Johnnie,
Won't you please get up, sonny2"
Why, Johnny can't hear her mt all;
But when father says "Johnl"
Johns slumbers are done
He knows it's the first and last call
CIRcUSsTANTTAL EVIDENCE.
Landlady-YOu haven't eaten your
soup, Mr.. Roberts. Is there anything in
it2
Boarder-T don't think there is; 1
couldn't taste anything.
HE CARRIED HIS LOCKS HOME.
Barber r-How would you like to have
your hair cut, sira
Customer-With scissors, sirl Did We
s'pose I wanted it done with o table
knife2- Puck.
NOT WANTED.
"Did she give you anYthing2'
"Yep; good advice. Have some2"
"oh,. keep it yourself, l beg of YOU"
MERELY INVESTMENTS.
"As this,is to be the last interview
shall ever have with you, Miss Harris, :"
said the rejected lover, brokenly, II take
the opportunity to make you present of
all the bouquets, books, aud trinkets l
have sent you during the last six months,
together with the numerous theatrical
entertainments, concerts, and luncheons
you have enjoyed at my expense"
'sTo make me present of them!'' ex-
claimed the young woman, haughtily.,
Il do not understand you, Mr.. Spoon
more,.n
II give them to you absolutely. Miss
Harris" said he,, picking up his. hat.
Heretofore have looked upon them
merely as, investments, p Chicago, Tri--
bune:
LEFT LII.
"George, DEAR. YOU forgot my letter
this morning."
''No, l didn't, love.n
'FYou good-for-nothing fellowl Didn't
ask you as you were about to. go down
stairs if you were going to the post
offiee2'r
@You did, birlie.n
"And didn't you say YOU were9''
Precisely, my pet"
'eAnd then didn't say there was az
letter on the hall table that wished you'd,
leave there2"
"Quite night, my darling, and that's
exactly what did left it there. y"
Yonkens" Gazette.
HARDLY FLATTERIMs.
Artist How do you Like my portrait
of Miss Rosebloom2
Friend Things are not as bad as they
are painted. ~ Brooklyn Magazine.
Am UNUSUAL RESULT.
"MarrY in haste and repent at leisure, y
remarked young lady as she read the.
announcement of the sudden marriage of
friend of hers.
eyes" remarked hen grandmother,
gently, as the light Of youth frightened
the dim, dear old eyes and pretty blush
painted roses in her soft, white cheeks.
Eyes, my dear. Your grandfather and l.
did that. We married sixty years ago,
after months courtship and we have
been SO leisurely in our repenting that we.
haven't even begun yet
HE DID NOT INTEND 1T.
"a penny for your thoughts!n ex-
claimed Miss Amy to young Goslin.
"Oh, aw--I don't want to wob you
Like that, doncher know" replied Goslin,
and then he couldn't see why everybody
Laughed so uproarously.
coURTNG IN TaR SUBURBS.
Alfred Please don't put me off any
longer. Katie. WILL you marry me2
Katie-Alfred, / hardly know whether.
I love you well enough or not. Be-
Alfred Cooking at his watch Katie,
the last train in is due in just three min
utes. Yes Or
Katic-Y Alfred. Chicago Tri-
bune.
TT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
1t is easy to laugh when the joke goes ronnd
At the cost of some other fellow,
But when we are the ones who are hit, the
sound
sOf our laugh is shade less mellow.
New York Press.
TOO WOODEN FOR HER.
'I'll love you as q forest tree
Loves light and rain and air. !"
Said she, 81 always thought you wood.
Hecalls no longer there.
[Pittsburg Dispatch.
NOT GOOD ENGLISH.
sDon't say he amt no good, fDinnis-
that's not good English
"Nayther am Oh, thank Hivin, hegobsp
[Epoch.
REASON FOR HIS cAND0R.
Elderly LadyAre these goods fast
colorsa
Young Salesman No, ma'am, they are
not, although marked as such.
3. L.-Your candor surprises me. Is
it usual for you to be so honest with
customers 2
Y. S.-No, ma'am; but / got notice
that will not be wanted here after this
evening, SO / am getting in one honest
day at least. New York Press.
DUE TO THE "GRIP.n
81 think the expression shufied off
this mortal coil ought TO be revised now
a-daysn
tsHow would yoa have it ~