Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-12-27

ing at the club. He was stretched ont in one
OF the easiest Of the easy chairs Of the smoking
room. His cigar, though in hand, had gone
out. His eyes were unrolled, - If studying the
part of his hair. He was thinking.
"Hello" I began. "Have you been trans
forming the future into the past again?'
"Yes, he replied, dreAmily. II have been
reviewing little romance which occurred in
1882 and it has made me sad. win tell IL 10
You if you like. for melancholy Is . coach in
| which there is always room for one more"
"You may book me for . frst-class passags,"
1repliei.
II must first EXPLAIN" he promised, ''ths
marvellous growth Of nickel-in-the- slot ma
chimes before their final abolition. Of which
have already told You, think For instance,
the ferries and elevated stations, and the man
In the box who snaps How manyr ut you when
yCu place the exact change before him, wss
relegated to that bourne from which no trav-
eier returns, and consequently was heard Of
| never after.
Machines that sold cigars, ales, wines and
spirits became 10 plentiful that . special ses-
sion OF the Legislature was convened, which 90
amended the excise laws that any such machine
rOnaa out later , than an was guilty Of
police.
speaking Of these lilies Of the field, their
number was greatly reduced BY the substitu-
ton OF automata which stood upon corners
and for q nickel-the price Of drink-pointed
inde hnitely IN response to . query regarding
'The churches settled the question Of free sit-
tings and no collections by the adoption Of SELF
closing pew doors. which opened only by the
insertion Of dime. So deicatsly were they
constructed that buttons were no longer priced
by the cody, and the Office of usher became q
slnecure. noteworthy result Was o uniform
cut in clerical salaries.
The most ingenious contrivance, however,
was known as the Universal Letter Writer,
and 1t is upon this-a veritabls deus ex ma
china, l may say-that my story hinges. Its
base was circled by various slots, each bearing
different inscription. For example, there
were some such as these: Answer to dun,
pleading sickness DO, do, out Of town Do,
DO, will be in the first of the month The edges
OF these slots were noticeably worn BY frequent
use. Others that seemed to be equally popular
were: 'Refusai to lend s5;' Acceptance of in
Vltation to lunch; DO. do. to thcater.' There
were, on the other hand slots TINT were COW
cred with the dust Of neglect. Among these
might name: Enclosing amount OF Loan Ac-
sePung pastor invitation to prayer meet,ng;
thanking friend for a prompt remittance
Affairs OF the heart were covered BY many sub
divisions, of which will particularize only the
following: General love letter (male0; General
love letter (femaieo; Making up quarrel two
forms }; After engagement, next day capture J;
After engagement, six months Cant come
around tonight); Proposals (three forms &C
cCrding to age)-sixteen to TWENTY-FIVE, twenty
three to thirty-five, thirty-fv to fifty The
last of these was always in a state of moldy
desuetude, and the question of its removal
provoked an acrimonious debate in the board
of directors Of the company owning the inyen-
ton. 1t was finally retained through tie tear
full efforts of the president, who had a maiden
sister with corkscrew curls and a vinegary
nose, who insisted upon blessing his home with
her presence.
as We need coal; saw such love Of a bon
net; The cook is drunk again, and Ma has
come for few days. for wifely use. And
Must work at the books tonight; Have hot
biscuits for supper, and 4 have no change,
suitable for the head Of the household.
Il may also add that all those forms Of polite
usage which are common in good society were
here furnished. and were naturally much sought
after by bartenders and servant maids"
here ventured the remark that the literary
work must have been admirable 70 permit such
| machine to prove popular.
at was admirable, Smith gravely assented.
''Whoever prepared these missives was . con-
summate judge of human nature and of the
| niceties Of the English language. Nothing
could better exemplify this than his closing
periods. Take the much-us form. Refusal
to lend for example. 1t invariably ended,
Yours sincerely How natural! II there ia
word that enbOdies acidulated negatien it is
this same word sincere. It's derivation means
without wax, believe, and very properly,
| for when il ii employed regard does not wax,
but is ever on the wane. Then, too, the form
Il saw such love of a bonnet was couched in
far more affectionste terms than We need
COAL And all replies to duns invariably con-
cluded Yours very respectfully.
when tell you that the insertion of . dime
provided at once typewriter copy Of any Of
these forms, stamped envelope and q
fountain pen (On q string, you may well
believe that the Universal Letter Writer, like a
loaf to a starving man, filled long-fel. want"
"Were there no defects in it," queried.
"NOne except such as must exist when q gen.
eral ia applied to particular. Thus: Love
letter day after engagement (male'), among
other things said When gazed straigh. into
your matchless orbs. darling, and saw the love-
light dancing in twin alteration to Venus &c
Now, of course, it wouldn't have done to send
this to a cross-eyed dulcinea. And ono had to
be careful in using it to select the right slot
Imagine the quandary Of young husband
who by mistake sent Acceptance to lunch to
his wife instead of Must work on the books
tonight
This brings me to my romance the lament
able ending which carelessness brought to the
wooing of the charming Sallie Msntoa by the
ardent but nervous George Bliffins."
''Oh, thought you had forgotten all about
that" said 1. "And did you dream it?'
Certainly" he replied, rather gruffiy.
| ''You don't think would make it up, do you?"
A prompt denial smoothed the ruffed feathers
of my friend Smith, and 80 he resumed:
''George Bliffins was q gOod-looking young
fellow of three and twenty, well formed and
manly, as he had often proved himself in
| athletic sports. He was popular with his fell
lows, and SO the correlative was true that be-
fore women he was little more than q bashful
BOBBY. Some day l may explain to you the
growth Of this characteristic in men, that the
favorite of their sex is the butt of the other
and vice versa, but now will only say that its
existence cannot be refuted.
"Now. George never appreciated that his
fingers were thumbs. his cheeks were full of
fire, his eyes were apt to water, his back was
streaked with shivers, each individual hair on
his head was alive with nerves, the muscles of
his face were prone to witch and his full bass
voice to squeak, except when he was in the
presence Of the ladies, and then he always did
"And yet he loved, and wisely too, as family
and friends deemed. Sallie Manton was o
veritable little fairy Of seventeen, as sweet as
the first bloom of arbutus. She had always
lived next door to him. Her parents were
most intimate with his own; they were rich
and she was an only child. He and abe he'd
thus been brought up together, and il any
young man had reason to look upon Q maid
with the careless familiarity Of Q brother to o
sister he was the young man.
"And yet he didn't. He didn't keep his seat
when she was standing, nor put his feet on her
worsted work, nor clean his pipe with her
ostrich rlumo He nevor 0ruf34v cou&r, Ai~&.<l