The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-09-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Watcred silk-Au umbrella.
A backing box-One in the eye.
A skylight-The sun.-PrisoH Mirror.
The silent majority is not the popular
side.
Charged with dynamite--A party who
gets the explosive on "tick. "-Detrob
Free Press.
With the angler it is more matter of
knowing just when than just where to
draw the line.-Detr0u Free Press.
81 tell you, travel develops man. If
he has anything in him it's bound to
come out in travel" "Particularly ocean
travel. Puck.
The patient horse has endured for ages,
but the patient wagon has been known
only since the introduction of the ambu-
lance. e.-Elmira Gazette.
She Cat the piano)-"Listen how do
you enjoy this refrain!" Ie-"Very
much. The more you refrain the better
like it.'-HuSical Courier.
Speak lovingly, my dear girl. If you
should have to eat your own words, you
know, they'd taste all the better for
being weet.-B0st0R Transcript.
He-"The fools are not all dead yet"
She-''That's as true as you live" And
he couldn't understand why she empha-
sized the "you. ."-Ne,o YORK. Herald.
"Jaysmith is penurious, isn't
he?" Fangle-'I should say he was
He won't even laugh at a joke unless it
is ut some one else's expense. '-Epoct.
He was from far off England,
And he loved with VOWS in sighs,
And while he dropped his "h's'
Why, the maiden dropped her eyes.
Philadelphia Times,
A learned writer declares that butter
was unknown to the ancients. This
makes it harder than ever to account for
the flavor of some we have tasted. -Mer-
clTy.
"Gentlemen," said the orator. ego
along our wharves from one eud to the
other, and what will you ind?' ''Water,"
remarked the practical young man in the
crowd.-Ligh.
"Who is happy on this mundane
sphere" snecringly exclaimed Pessimus.
"The girl with her first engagement
ring" triumphantly replied Optimus.-
JetceIers Circular.
Judge-"Have you ever seen the pris-
oner at the bar2' Witness-"Never,
your honor; but I've seen him when
strongly suspected he'd been at it,
BiHghamt0H Lealer.
Bloodgood-''It's dreadful to suffer
from less of memory, isn't It'll" Wild
man-'Dunno. 1t depends on how
much money a fellow has borrowed. -
Burlington Free Press.
Robinson Crusoe-"Well, Friday, what
have we for dinner to-day2" Friday
"Goat soup, goat chops, boiled goat, roast
goat" Robinson Crusoe-"Don't,
Friday; l cant go'tl"-Puck.
A German scientist is confident that
chemistry will yet enable us to mako
bread out of wood. American lumber
men not only make their bread out of it,
but their butter also.-Ne'0 York NeWs.
It happened one time that a Mr.
Fell i'm love with a maiden and kr.
And he said, BE my vile
And bring joy TO my lifew
She said, "No, but will be your sr."
--ChicdgO Post.
Chicago Teacher-''Yes, corned beef is
one of our most famous exports. Now,
who can tell me what stands next 10
corned bcefl' Boston Little Boy Cri-
umphantlD - "Cabbage. - american
Grocer.
"Papa's Home Tonight" is the title Of
a new song. So the old man has yielded
at last. Let's see, it must be about fif-
teen years since they began to coax him
with "Father, Dear Father, Come llOme.
Chatter.
The conversation turned on the danger
of being buried alive, when the youngest
toddler in the family yentured to suggest,
"Well, ma, you never will be buried
alive. You snoro so when you are
asleep. '-Hargora Post
Inyentor-'I would like to interest
you in little invention 10y which sheep
can be shorn by electricity" Broker
(turning to the ticker aud looking at the
quotations. --"My dear sir, that's Just
what am doing. "-Teras SDtiags.
Neutrality-suspicious. me, please, my
nephew died three days ago Employe,
(who is somewhat familiar with the litt,t
game)-''All right, Mr.. Culpepper, you
may att end the funeral Died, as usual,
on first base, l supposei"-Dry Goods
Chronicle.
Mrs. Newmarred-"Charley, l doa't
like that new girl Of ours She doesa
half sweep the rooms. Why, l don't
believe she thinks Of sweeping behind
the doors |" Mr.. Newmarket -"Oh,
don't she thought She sweeps every
thinc, behind tho doors i''-Ldpraice