The critic., 1890-12-24


have a new follower in the kitchen every
week.
"well, ma'am, you see, the food in this house
IL 20 bad that no one will come here for longer
than week"
Lady, to servant applying for place-Your
recommendations seem satisfactory. Have you
any followersy
"Yes, ma'am, but only a Platonic one"
And pray, what do yoa mean by Pa
"Why, ma'am, OF course, one that doesn't
come TO the mistress kitchen for his dinner,
ma ."--FNe9eRdt Bidtter.
An old bachelor says that giving the ballot
to women would not amount to ANYTHING prac-
tically. because they would keep denying that
they were old enough TO vote until they got to
be too old to take any interest in politics.
Father--Now listen to me- children; want
you from now on TO be Just as bad as you know
how
Tommy-,Won't you whip us, pa?
Fsthcr-Not IL You are very bad, but I'll whip
you IL you behave yourselves. Yonr aunt IL
coming to visit us, and don't want hcr to stay
long.--1tTas SiJtings.
Daughter-Good night. mamma.
Mother-Why, my dear are you going 10 re-
tireg Have you fed your bacilli!
Daughter-Yes mamma.
Mother- Oh, very well, then. Good night
R0sf0n Transcript
Gospel Truth.
Church Warden--Wel, Mrs. Hodge, I am
sorry to hear that your son has left you I'M
provided for and gone away to America.
Widow--Lor' bless ye, sir, It's only what We
%sh osh a'r TSadng @ a. gu,
he shall go."-Jud9e
Florine-Have you heard, Winifred, Of the
death of our young friend, Charlie Addle?
winifred-No. The poor fellows really
dead, chr
Florine-IIe is, and his death ls an event
which viii leave quite void In our little circle.
Winifred-How appropriate. II couldn't
leave anything that would more eloquently re-
call him to mind.-Boston Courier.
The two men had talked for q time on the
| train.
."Are you going to hear Barkins lecture to-
night" said one.
"Yef," returned the other.
"Take my advice and don't. hear it's an
| awful bore"
u must CO." said the other. "I'm Darkins.n
'-Ntp York Sun.
A gentleman was looking at a suite OF rooms
In an apartment house. He found them salts
factory, and said to the janitor "l'll take
| them" r
Have you any children, sirs"
"Then can not let you the rooms"
| why, my children are both married, and
"That makes no difference. My orders ars
not to take In any tenant who has children. "
shoe and Leather Reporter,
A certain witty bishop found himself, q few
months ago, crossing the Bay OF Funday, from
Digby to st. John, In company with certain
Mr.: oaswell. The Bay of Funday has a repu
tation for turbulence only to be matched by the
English Channel or the Bay of Biscay. Mr.
Caswel was struggling with q violent attach
OF ecasickness: but the bishop, who was above
ned o haa SesH fsca ahS how
ever, 10 catch Mr.. Caswell's name correctly
and persisted In calling him "Mr. Aswell." A
hm 'ne sasIne new lora or sa1o v name
CaswelI not Aswell" "oh," said the bishop
cycling him critically, as new epasm seize
upon hiH unhappy ae9uaintance well, M,
without the seaf"-Iidrpe''S Magazine.
Boston, Philadelphia, New York ant
Chicago.
From The Boston CoU,i>r.
CHRISTMAS CHIMES.
| Little Penelope Socrates,
| a Boston maid of four,
| Wide opened her eyes on Christmas morn,
And looked the landscape oer.
"What lat inHates my 6as de JleuY"
| She aaked with dignlty.
| "'Tia lbaen In the original;
Oh, Joy beyond degree!"
Miss May Cadwalladcr Rlttonhouso
OF Philadelphia town,
Awokc, as much as they over do there,
And watched the snow come down.
| "Wcll, I'm glad that Christmas has com
again.
You might have heard her say,
"for my family's one year older now,
Than II was last Christmas Day
| III.
IL was Christmas In glddy Gotham,
| And Miss Irene de Jones
| Awoke al noon and yawned and yawned
Aud stretched her languid bones.
We'll, I'm sorry that it's Christmas;
Papa at home VIII rtny,
For 'Chpuge II closed, mud he won't make
a single cent all day
".
oh. wndily dawned tho Christmas
In the city by the lake
Aud Miss Arnbei Wabash Breezy
Was instantly awake
: "Ahl what's that in my stockingy
, We'll, In two Iins III know:n
! | Aud she drew forth grand piano
From away down IN the toe.