Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-02-12
WIT AND HUM0R.

WIT AND HUM0R.
No need to. Charles-I have jus
como back from a sail.
Robert-Did you hug the shorel
Charles-No; l had Miss Mildred
along.-Epoch.
Where did he goY Jaysmith =
"Good-byel I'm going away for th'
winter" McCorkie-"If you fine
it, bring it home with you. So long
New York Sun.
He-Miss Wayting, you are a puz
zle to me. l never knew how to take
you.
She (shyly)-You never tried
Burlington Free Press.
Mother-You'd better put on a veil
The wind will chap your face.
Clara-Never mind. A chap new
er hurts my face. / rather enjoy thu
sensation.-Boston Herald.
Fledgely-"Miss Hauteur, will yo'
marry me?" Miss Hauteur-"If
was clergyman l should be pleased
to, Mr.. Fledgely. Who is the happ,
girl 2"-Lawrence American.
Dick Dirknife-"I hear that Bill
Bloodgo is something of an artist. .
Tom Tough-"Yes, he can draw a re
volver about as neat as any man
know of"-Burlington Free Press.
While sitting on his knee they hat
a quarrel. She arose with dignit.
and, hiding his hat, ordered him t.
20. Of course he sued for pardon
and then there was a relaps.-Phila
delphia Times.
A complete change. Before w
were married she was yielding ant
pensive. But now all is changed"
"In what way?"
"She is aggressive and expensive
-Harper's Bazaar.
Sukker (who has the reputation o
living on his friends)-What's them
Beetsl No, thanks, l never eat beets
Blunt-Does you credit, old man
1t would look little like cannibalsm
that's fact.-Ex.
A serious ailment. | hear tha
young Smith-Joghnes is i'll, What j
the matter with him?
He is suffering from nervous pros
tration. A paper printed his nam
without the hyphen.-Ex.
Doctor--"Well, my fine little fel
low, you have got quiet well again
| was sure that the pills left for yo,
would cure you. How did you tax
them, in water or in cake?" ooh
l used them in my blow-gun.
Boss-"This makes the third da,
that you haven't shined my shoes.
Cuffy-"Dar's no blackin'in de house
sah." "Why didn't you tell me be
fore?" "Bekase l was afreed yo,
might buy box. Texas Siftings.
The imperfect simile.-"I am like
tree" he observed, as the clock strucl
IL. 81 am rooted at your side.
"Yes, but you never leave, do you P
said the maiden, sweetly. And the
he put forth. Harvard Lampoon.
Infallible Test. Maud-"Harry,
am afraid you don't love me as mucI
as you used to-"
Harry-"Why SO, dearest
"The-these chocolate cr--cream
are m-machine made" Sobs.-Ex
The Honeymoon.-Youpg brid
(pouting)-"Here we have only bee
married two days, Clarence, and your
scolding me already" Husband
II know, my dear-but just think ho'
long I've been waiting for the chance!
st. Paul Eye.
Ought to Recommend Him: Suite
perhaps, sir, you don't think II
good enough to marry your daughter.
Father-"Perhaps do" "Well, sill
I'd have you know that I've been re
fused by some of the finest young Ia
dies in the and."-Time.
Willie-"Mamma, will God hat
us if we don't do exactly as He say
in the bible ?" Mamma-"Oh,
trust not. darling. Why do you ask2
Willie---"Because Billie Wilkin
punched me in the stomach, and
didn't have any other stomach to turl
to him."-Burlington Free Press.
Zach !" said Count Lunnesis, 81
American language ees ware funny
Last night l heard man ask re bar
tender for re zame an he gave hir
some whisky. To-day | ask him 70