Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-01-03
MORE AND LESS AMUSING
An early settler-an egg shell.

0At}4e-1 ~ A4A-iJC AMI DIN CJs
AN early settler-an egg shell.
SNARE drummer bogus trayeling
man.
WoarAN's rites-marriage and chris
tening.
TANK plays are popular for divers
reasons.
A Boston authoress has published a
book which she calls MY First Loaf "
Well bet it's heavy,
III YOU are bent on having an Income.
it is iacum- bent on you to work hard
and disburse sparinglv.
Love of money may be the root of
evil, but Bobby thinks love of mischief
brings forth the branch.
A TAILOR requires many yards to
cover a man, but a burglar VIII cover
him with small revolver.
SHE Cat the piano)-How do you en-
Joy this refrain? He-Very much The
more you refrain the better like it.
THAT electricity was known in early
biblical times is proved By the fact that
Noah made the ark light on Mount
Ararat.
LAURA tell you, Emily, I viii
never marry a man who doesn't love
me Emily-And I Will never love a
man who doesn't marry me.
IT'S the church bell in the steeple
that to worship calls the people. But
the church belle in the choir is what
we worship when we spy her.
ILLINOIS claims to be the only State
in the Union that is out of debt. This
is a healthy condition for a State that
Is continually and chrOnically Ill
THE popular viii, says a dispatch
from Honolulu, "is strongly in favor of
/ annexation to the United States.
/ Where there's viii there's Hawaii.
BRowN-What was the trouble with
! the paper you started up in that health
resort? Smith ran in a death col
! lunn, and the town trustees ran me
! out.
KEEPER-Nora. you must al
ways sweep behind the doors. New
/ Seryant-Yes'm. I always does. It's
the 'asiest way Of gettin' the durrit out
of sight.
Gimme 10 cents wuff O. fiesh-culIed
/ Ourt-plaster, boss. White or black. "
Look heah, honey, Use q gentleman
oh color, an rs aware oh de fac, but
/ NlCn ySu 4uLD1L IL liz
A MAN of family: PRODIGY hear you
have been getting married. TOOker-
Yes. PRODIGY Whom did you marry
Tooker-A IiIIy Jones, her mother, her
stepfather, and two maiden aunts.
FIRST cOnvict-When my times up
I shall keep on making shoes. Second
/ cOnvict-And 1 shall keep on at my old
work, too. First Breaking
stones? Second convict-NO; laws.
"YoU are Mr.. Quezeen, the husband
of the celebrated lecturer on cookery,
/ are you not ?" eyes sir" replied the
! detected, hollow-eyed individual; I'm
the man she tries her new dishes on. "
WEI should be ashamed of my
self if I couldn't sit through the play
without going out. Husband (whO has
| improved every entr'acte Il keep
thinking I hear the fire alarm, my
dear.
CoLLEoToR-Mr Rankin says he
! can't be bothered to send me to see you
/ you every week about that little bill
/ CustOmer-My compliments to Mr.
! Rankin, and tell him every other week
viii do just as well.
Teacher-How many seasons are
there? Small Boy-(who was mixing
up personal experience with book
learning Only two? That's
all there was this year-the winter
season and the rainy season.
MIR. QUARTERREsT-T They say that
Mrs. BIOodgOod is fearfuIly particular
will keep nothing but trained ser
! wants in the house. Mrs. Parvenu-
Yes, and I have understood she would
wear nothing but trained skirts.
/ PRETTY SUGGESTION.
They fingered at her fathers door.
! The hour was shining bright,
! And to the maiden, Ger and DER,
/ The youth had said goodnight.
/ But still reluctant to depart,
Her tiny hand he pressed,
/ While all the love that filed his heart
/ His ardent looks confessed.
! At length the maiden bIushed and sighed,
| And said in accents low,
/ Al hope, dear John, you VIII not try
/ To kiss me ere you 60"
A VICTIM OF THE NISFIT PARLORS.