The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-05-24
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


Miss Hysee-''I was encored three
times, wasn't p" Nine. Logce-"Yes;
the company seemed to recognize that
you needed practice. Puck.
He - what did your father say
when you told him we were ongaged?"
She-"O, Augustus, you must not ask
me to repeat such language. boston
Budget.
Young lady - ''Mister Conductor,
will have time to say goodbye to my
friends?" Conductor-"G uess not, Miss,
this train leaves in two hours and a
half. Texas Siftings.
DO you want the earth?" inquired
the naughty hotel clerk of meekly
complaining guest. No" was the re-
ply; you can keep it while longer till
ask you for it. "-Washington Post.
-She-'You are such solitary man,
Mr.. Silby. should think you would get
lonesome" He-"O, no, enjoy being
by myself" She (thoughtfully) II
don't see how you can. Huntington
Free Press
-Chief-"Have you got any clews?"
Subordinate-''No;b but I've caught the
criminal" Chief-"Well, you must go
out and get a few clews. 1t will never
do to break established rules, you
know. "-Terre Haute Express.
Husband lat half-past one a. N.Y.
Don't say word! l know it's awful
late, but I've had hard tug of it,
Wife-"Yes, you look as if you'd had a
hard tug. How many schooners did yea
tow in to-night?'-Boston Herald
-Candor.-''Well can't you decide? 1t
never takes me more than minute to
make up my mind?" "I'm not surprised,
my dear. 1t shouldn't take any one
more than minute to make up your
mind. Life.
Il don't want to drive hard bar
gain" said the horse jockey. NO"
said the other party, leering quizzically
at the sorry looking animal which the
jockey would fain exchange for shokels;
but you would have me drive very
hard bargain. Boston Transcript.
-Brightwits boy-"Father was there
ever any ship which carried more peo-
pie than the City of Paris?" Bright
wits boys father-'Yes, my son, the
Mayfower. She carried all the ances-
tors of American society. "-Elmira Ga
zette.
Yes" remarked Mr.. Tangle, proud
1y, 81 tlatter myself I'm pretty consci-
entious man. Whatever | do, / do it
with all my might" Nobody would
have the slightest doubt of that, Henry
replied Mrs. Tangle, ''if he ever heard
you nore."-Light.
Mr. Penn-"It amuses me to see YOU
dressing to go around the corner. One
would think you were going to a we'd
ding" Mrs. PENN didn't spend
much time dressing when went to your
wedding" Mr.. Ponn-"No, you weren't
taking any chances. You knew that de-
lays were dangerous. '-Philadeiphia In
quirer.
This internal dust nuisance must
damage you great deal he said to
the grocer as he lodged into the door to
let great cloud roll by. 80, no, sir.
Anything added to maple sugar, prunes,
evaporated apples, ETC., is paid for by
the public at so much per pound. l am
not doing any kicking. "-Detroit FREQ
Press.
Rural minister - 1.-THE brothers
whose duty it is to pass the plate are
not here to-day. Would you object to
taking up the collection" Modest wor-
shiper-'I never passed the plate in
church in my life, and I'm afraid I'd be
rather awkward" go, never mind about
that. 1t won't be noticed. Most of my
congregation become absorbed in their
hymn-books about the time the plate
goes 'round."-N. Y. Weekly.