The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-10-04
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Interesting Items from y Recent Issue
That PSo1raaaixa .Inurnal


Interesting Items from Recent Issue OF
That Progressive journal.
NoTIcE.-If the party who threw the
brick at us last Tuesday night as we
stood on the corner of Apache avenue
and Green street will call at our office
he will hear of something to his ad-
vantage. We can make him realize in
about five minutes that mon OF his talent
are wasting their time in this country.
He can also make his choice OF 1875
eligible sites in our private burying
ground free of charge. Come early and
avoid the rush.
No BooM.-For two straight years the
Kicker has persistently opposed the idea
Of a boom to attract attention to our
town. We have watched this boom busi-
ness in scores Of other places, and in
every instance 1t has resulted disas-
trously. Our course has aroused the ire
of certain Spectators but we shall con-
tinue it just the same. We've got 200
acres of cactus pasture which we should
like to dispose of to some Ohio farmer
who wants to better his condition and
who could be worked up to part with
S3, 600 in cash, but we haven't the check.
We own half mile of side hill which
won't even grow rattlesnakes but we
haven't the gall to boom it for peach
orchard. A million years hence we may
have six railroads here, but we can't
force ourselves to whoop-la! hurrah!
over the prospect. We own about four
teen billion dollars worth of wildcat
mining stock, every mine being in the
clouds, and but for our honesty we'd
proceed to boom and unload. We are at
the head of company to turn the Pa
cific Ocean into the deserts Of the West
president of an artesian well company
secretary of the Great Strawberry
Growers Association, ETC., ETC., but we
were born honest and we can't Il ok
tender-foot in the eve and lie to hiia.
No, gentlemen, this town is what it
is and no more. 1t isn't going to be n
second Chicago. 1t has no Niagara
Falls. There isn't even good fishing
within thirty miles of us. We simply
have the great Arizona Kicker, 14S sa-
looms, sixteen gambling houses, five
stores and population of $500 souls,
most of which will take "the other road"
when the judgment day arrives. That's
all, and those who don't want to come
can stay away.
PERSONALITIES. Judge Embro, who
has been absent at Tucson for the past
two weeks, returned last night and, as
usual, found the Judge so drunk that he
couldn't tell her from Digger Indian.
She didn't go away for her general
health, but to get over black eye in
flicted by the judge in one Of his sober
moments.
CALLS FOR Major Nc
knight, our popular and efficient city
clerk, met with sad accident last Sun
day. While trying to enjoy drunk, a
hammock, a smoke and snooze at the
same time. he set himself on fire and
was so badly burned that he will not be
out of his bed for two weeks. Tho major
has many friends who will sympathize
with him in his misfortunes.
INTHE WRONG Handsome Charlie"
the genial and enterprising proprietor
of 1.-THE Black Swan" saloon, has called /
at this office and convinced us that we
were wrong in stating that he had |
killed seven men and was dangerous
character. His list includes only four
men, all laid away in self-defense, and
80 far from being dangerous he says
that he has refused to put up fly-screens
this summer out of general pity for the
poor flies. He also has pictures of three
different angels on the walls of his bed
room.
We cheerfully make the correction,
not because the gentleman subscribed |
for five copies Of the Kicker to be sent !
to his friends and gave us a $50 ''ad,"
which will be found elsewhere, but be-
cause we wish to do all men justice.
FAIR WAISING.-Ben Stays, the eat
ing-house man, has made public threats
to wiring our nose on the streets. The
trouble dates back to year ago, when
Ben tried TO pass somo cactus soup on us
for mock turtle.
Ben may attempt to wiring our nasal
organ. He may even figure that he can
succeed. We give him fair warming,
however, that he'll have to be prepared
to dodge six bullets, and il he doesn't
happen to be quick enough it won't
make us feel very bad.-Detroit Free
Drpss