Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-07-30
THE FESTIVE BURGLAR.
How I Lar Awake for Two Months
Head Him on.

HOW i Lay Awake for Two Moutne 10
Head Him on.
From the New York worldI
What would you do il you heard bur-
glar in the housei
To me that question has occurred a mil
lion times, more or less. The first time IL
flashed athwart my brain bought q bulldog
revolver and a Spanish dirk. On second
thought added base ball bat to the equip
ment, and then for six nights / lay awake
planning how would softly draw on some
| Indispensable garments. seiz. the revolver in
one hand, the club in the other, and capture
or otherwise dispose Of the burglar. The
dirk would carry in my teeth saw no
other way.
| Strange to cay, this armament and my
we'll laid plans did not bring the peace of
mind had expected. The more / prowled
around the more sgitated i became. Twice
shot at the cat and once gave the hall hat
rack wicked stab, taking 1t for q burglar.
Then my wife suggested In the interests OF
my health that put up burglar alarm and
not get up until I had TO. The blamed
thing went off every time anybody came in
or went out, day or night, and I got 30 tired
of the eternal clatter that cut the wires aad
substituted some unpatented devices of my
own.
hung fiatiron on the key of the front
door so that it would fall into dishpar
placed underneath; two pokers STOOD against
the back door, arranged so as TO fall at the
slightest touch, and at various out of tn,
way places placed baskets filled with cheal
crockery, tiuware and other articles, 80 tina
the burglar would step into or against then
at least I fervently hoped he would-ant
give me warning of his advent.
But these schsmes didn't work much bet.
txNIx
knew got in the habit of calling on me afte
! had retired, and of course i would forge
, the fstiron and send it Gathering into tn
dishpan, necessitating awkward explanations
snd once 1t clsttered down on my toes. Th
: cat made a regular practice of knockin
down the burglar warning pokers, and Ii m,
, | wife stepped into the alarm baskets once sh
. did twenty times
The result was that fell back on my n
volver, club and dirk. slso bought me
. | watchman's rattle. Two nights later hear
h | a noise, and looking out of the window sa
:. q man trying my front door. fired at hin
and the answering howl informed me that
It had missed my neighbor Briudle, who hs
! been sitting mp with q sick manor, at leas
he said he had. Three nights later sprAr
= the rattle on my wife's aunt, who came fro
q | PouQhkespsie on a late train, and she was
;. | angry that abe wouldn's stay more this
Q three weeks, aud my wife thinks we are q
Is out OF her viii. IhiDgs went on III IN
q fashion for a month or two, until the neigl
!, bors began to circulate petition asking m
q to move ont of the ward.
. So told my wife that when j heard
;. burglar In the house the plan of campaiG
,r would be as follows: would first raise u
1t window sash, making as much noise as pc
Is sib.e in doing 60. and spring ths rattle wi
Z. a firm and determined hand. / would III
,e give the burglar two minutes to leave =
Of house. IL he still remained among the .
r.. verwsre would advance into the upper ha
,y beat the stair railing hercsly with . basehl
n bat aud fire three or four shots down stall
n- / was firmly convinced that no burglar cou
ut withstand such determined attack, and Q
q ter IL had been clearly outlined beyond I
q possibility of q mistake I slert peaceful
I'D for the FIRST time In three months
o. The very next morning, when i we
e- down sisirs TO light the ere, encountered
"a bare sideboard, and further search reveal
of the fact that my domicile had been n
n, sacked from cellar to garret. IL was Gle
r. scoop.
to Well, there was one consolation. Nov
he know what would do IL q burglar bre
ut into my house.
ed | I'd sleep.