Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-01-22
HUMOROUS.


lt?" "I'd buy postal card and write
10 you for quarter. "-Harper's Bazar.
You murmur, GLOW came it?'
In sad cadenZa.
Why, the door was left open,
And influenza.
Chicago Herald
JAees funny streak on)-"Do you
keep good cigars?" Cigar Man-"Cer-
tainly, we do" Jaggs-"Y cure foolish.
You ought to sell them" Philadelphia
Inquirer.
The man who has lots of debts has
the sweet consolation, anyhow, of
knowing that lots of people will be in
terested in him when he dies.-SOmer-
Uille Journal.
BRowN-"I see that Smashem, the
pugilist, is about to retire from the
prize ring" Robinson-"Is that so?
Where is he going to open his saloon ?'
Boston Courier.
THE glutton differs greatly from
The tramp who hungers in the street;
The former always eats too long,
The latter always longs to eat.
= Chicago Herald.
SLAMMET-''The bows have organized q
foot ball team" Drummer-"That' g
fortunate. You may be able to put
something in my way. Here's my card.
| represent firm OF crutch manufactur-
ers. "-Torn Topics
LoCoMoTIvE-'I'm bound to the place
the place | left by my ties" Baggage
Car-"Where thou goest | will go, for
I'm united to thee by tender attach
ments. "-Detroa Journal.
Mr.. LooKAHEAD-"Doesm my daughter
give you any encouragement, sir 2"
Mr.. Donothing-"Why, yes; she says
thatyour business is Increasing so that
you can soon support us in the style we
both like. "-Munsey'S Weekly.
"LADIEs' back, without bones. $l.75."
Now this is not an excerpt from Can
nibal Island bill of fare, as might be
supposed, but merely line from cor
set advertisement in Jenness- Miller's
Magazine.-1erre Haute Express.
"SAY, papa" "'Sh" "But I want
to know" "'sh 'sh! You mustn't
talk in church." swell, if you'll tell
me what the man behind the fence
wears lace curtains about him for I'll
shut up -Phitadetphia Inquirer.
RIGHTEoUsLY INDIGNANT-Barber (sug-
gestively)-"Your hair is very dry and
harsh, sir" Customer (wrathfully)--
And one of your ears is good deal
bigger than the other, but you don't
like to have people INVITING you of it.,
AZ w OfeOCOJO A'COUIcCs
OLD LAwYER--"I can not take your
case. Circumstantial evidence is so
strong against you that it will be imp os-
sible to prove your innocence" Pris-
oner-"But | am not innocent. | am
guilty." ooh Then may be [ can
clear you.-New York Weekly.
SELBY-"What charming couple Mr..
and Mrs. Dollboy are % Parker
yes; but should hardly call them a
couple-they are so small, you know"
Selby-"What would you cali them,
then ?" Parker-"Why, couplet, of
course. Burlington Free Press.
FoRGoT TO CASH HIS CHIPs-"Say, pa,
you must have strong teeth" "Whv,
jimmy" "Nothin', only found lot
of red. white and blue lozenges in your
overcoat pocket the other day, and there
amt fellow in the nelghborhood that
can bite 'em." -NeW York Sun.
my dearest Laura, what is the mat
only four weeks after your wedding ?"
"Oh, Clara, my husband is candidate
for mayor, and / have just found out by
this mornings paper that he is a para
gon of all the vices. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
my DEAR" whispered man to his
wife as they seated themselves at the
theater, 81 left my pocketbook at
home" Haven't you any money at
all ?" "Only 40 cents" Wont that
be enough ?' Enough !" he repeated
impatiently. Its fve-act play v'-
Pittsbawg Bulletin.
YOU'VE (but high-priced) Physician
Eyes, medical science has made great
strides in the last decade. The old and
nonsensical practice of bleeding pa
tents, for instance, has been entirely
donn vrifh on6--o pofi0 r,f
with groan)-'sNot by long shot, it
hasn't p'-LGwrence american.
HE LOOKED Up THE ADDRESS. I
see Santa Claus ?" asked the small boy,
entering Fogg's toy store. He's not
here, sonny" returned the old man,
kindly. why do you look for MIN in
my placer" well, l saw your name
on the wagon he sent me, and thought
/ might get him to trade it for pair of
skates "'-Puck.
THE minister's youngest has been de-
tected in the telling of most fragrant
fb, and las been shut up for an hour to
learn verse from the Bible on lying.
The minister -"Well, pet. have you
learned that verse yet?" Alice-"Part
of one, papa" Minlster-"Part of one.
Well, let's hear it," Alice-"Psaim s
hundred and sixteen 'leven: All men
are liars. '"-Boston Beacon.
''No USE talkin' to me bout layin' up
| money for a rainy day." said Uncle
Edo, addressing an attentive group !;
mo use talkin' dat way to man wild
SIGH luck as l always had. Why, Great
Scott if / was to lay up money for q
| rainy day we'd had drought for forty
ears. No, sab; you don't ketch dis
niggar in dat sort o. trap
JoHN-"Clara I've got an important
question to ask you" Clara-"I know
what it is. You want me to be your
| wife. / dreamed it. Well, take me-"
John (rather nonplused) -" You
dreamed it?" C.-"Yes, / dreamed
| last night that you asked me what / am
asking you, and that you took me in
your arms and kissed me after | said
you" What could John do ?-Bos-
| ton Courier.