davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
How an EngIishfnen Takes Jokes.
I2yt tlaa Stranded Ct

lBy the STRANDED dumoriSt.
Yes, he does takes a joke but slowly. You
can't dynamite an Englishman with a smart
thing. He may explode, but this powder
train burns slow. He don't illuminate worth
a cent. You tell him e comic story and then
a pathetic one. If tine interval between the
two is short be will see the joke in the frs
while you are trying to make him cry in the
second, and so the two emotions are nsutral-
ized 1t seems hard to confess it, but found
it wiser to tell my English audiences, snow
intend to be funny" Then they we're bet.
ter prepared.
You know that old joke of the Chicago
lawyer whose name was Stfangei It's real
roasted chestnut. Strange had not good
reputation When he died he said to his
wife: II want a $50 headstone, aud on 1t
"But how will they know it your tombstonea"
asked the WIFE, "Oh, they will say: "That's
strange.'" Well told that to my audience
and they didn't gee 1t at all. Only one ex-
ceedingly bright Englishman Uttered. Next
time made it a London lawyer aud that
helped me little.
The worst of it was that some time after
ward met an English friend who said, 81
have now, really, good story for you. Lis
ten. There was onca solicitor and his name
was-what was his names Oh, have it.
His name was Strange. Well, he died, and
Just before he died be called to his wife and
said he, Mrs, Mrs. what was her namea
Mrs. Strange that's it, Mrs. Strange says
he, Il want real stunning funeral and q
tombstone, and on it have put, 'Here lies a
virtuous man. I forgot to tell you that
Strange was rather shady. Seea Well, his
wife said: 4 will strictly follow your injunc-
ton; but how the dickens ehe asked, will
they know your namep why ,easily enough
said he; they will say, "What an extraordi.
ilish good. Capital, isn't iti Knew you would
like it.'n
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
The Pride ofMatrimony.
from the st, James Gazette.

In his recently published "Trials Of q
Country Parson," DR.. Jeasupp tells some
amusing anecdotes picked up in Already. As
son 70 haar ti.y ~ IN wb;ob ~ tha a per-
speak of their dead wives OR husbands exact
" as If they'd been horses or dogs. They are
always proud of having been married more
than once. You didn't think, mise, as I'd
had FIVE wives, now did you' 'Ah, but I
have, though-leastways buried five on 'em
'en bewtiesP On another occasion. play
fully suggested, Don't you mix up your
husbands now and then, Mrs. Page, when you
talk about themr We'll, to tell you the
truth, sir, I really dul But my third hus-
band, he was a man! don't mix him up.
He got killed fghting-you've heerd tell O.
that make no doubt. The other warn't
nothing to him. He'd ha' mixed them up
quick enough If they'd interfered VII him.
Lawk hal He'd "a made nothing of thsml'"
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
Friday, June 6, 1890.
THE OLE OCTOPUS ATTACKED.

THE OIL OCTOPUS ATTACKED.
A great many have. wondered why in all
the efforts to break the trusts the greatest
and most powerful of them, the Standard
Oil trust, was not attacked. But It's time
has come, and the attorney general Of the
State of Ohio is after it. He has brought
suit against the Standard Oil company. This
company was chartered in Ohio. 1t has a
capital of $4,000, 900, and all of the capital
stock is held by the Standard Oil trust.
There are in several other States similar
companies whose stock is held by the trust,
but this one is the original organization of
the men who designed and built up the great
combination. The attorney general asserts
in his petition that the officials and trustees
of the trust control the corporation in
question, and says that in the exercise
of the powers conferred by said trust
agreement said trustees are enabled
TO, anu az, ---4rnl the action of said
defendant and the other cerpora.,~--, mart
nerships and Individuals parties thereto, in
the conduct of their business, and control
and regulate the production and price of pes
troleum products in the State of Ohio and
in the United States; that under said trust
agreement said defendant had surrendered
its corporate powers, business and property
to the trustees and not by directors chosen
by defendant or any stockholders of de-
fendant; that defendant chooses no directors
or officers, has no capital stock, and issues
no certificates of stock and that aafd trust
agreement creates and constitutes a com.
bination and monopoly which are injurious
to trade and commerce, and to which com
bination and monopoly defendant is par
ty.
If this suit succeeds the charter of tht
company against which 1t is directed will b'
annul!ed. It is to bs hoped that by and by
all the trusts will find the law too much fo
them
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
HIS IDEA OF WOMEN.
What a Prominent English Au-
thor Thinks of American
Ladies-A Comparison with
European Girls.

well-known English author, who was recently
in the United States, was entertained by gentle.
man and lady of wealth, residing on Fifth Avenue,
New York. In the course of the dinner the conver-
sation turned upon American women, when the
English gentleman said:
Nowhere in America, do you find such COM
plexions and nowhere such health as we see In the
faces and forms Of English girls l have noticed
this In every city that have visited. American
ladies look tired, weak faded. They lack color and
they lack life. Existence seems a burdens them,
not pleasure. You in America, do not notice 1t,
because you are here, while l can see 1t very
plainly"
We may say that this English author was pref
udiced. was conceited was bitter, but we cannot
say that he was wrong. American ladies are not
strong, healthy, brilliant. as they should be.
Their cemplexions not clear their eyes so
bright as could bs desired. Doubtless the climate
has something to do with this but it i'd unQues-
tionably true that by proper care, and jadicious
use Of the right means, these things can bs over
come. Any lady who feels tired despondent or
weak can readily overcome these troubles by
proper of little pure whiskey taken in water.
Bear in mind, however, that it should be the best
whiskey anything else Is injurious, and also re-
member that tho best physicians and chemists IN
America unhesitatingly declare that Duffy's Pure
Malt has no equal. The effect of this whskey is to
build up the system, to improve the complexion and
TO give brightness aud vigor in the place OF weak
ness and languor. 1t is being used by the leading
ladies in the land, and its popularity proves Its
value nny6 oaw
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06

down for teachers and pupils srleaves little
room for the spontansity Of the former or
the individuality of the latter" There is
more truth than poetry in this criticism.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
Yrp &unds.
Howe & StetsOl
SALE COMMENCES
MONDAY, june I'd

Regence China Silks, 20 in.
wide, in plain colors (all the
desirable shades), at 3oc per y'd.
This is the best Summer Silk
fabric of this season !; regular
price is 68c.
20 pieces Embroidered Hem
stitched Swiss Flounces, As in.
wide, at 25c per y'd; takes only
an yards for a dress-the retail
price has been 4oc.
High lustre Black Mohairs,
81 inches wide (6 yards makes a
full dress), at SIC yard; would
be cheap at 75c.
One case Colored Drapery
Scrim at &c yard. These Scrims
are full width and are actually
worth 1oc. Just the thing for
shore cottages.
Drive in fine. all wool Black
Serges, 46 inches wide, at 75c
per yard. These goods cannot
be duplicated under $1.oo.
IS pieces striped wool Beiges,
36 inches wide, at 2ec yard the
wholesale price of these goods
in April was 42Hc; never have
been retailed for less than soc.
One case, 1888 yards, White
Plaid Nainsooks, in nine styles
of even and broken plaids, at
6Ac y'd, as extraordinary value.
Two special values in Ladies
Fast Black Hose at soc pair;
one is beautiful fine fast black
cotton, with high spliced heel /;
the other is fast black Isle
thread, with high spliced heel
all at soc perry pair. Very de-
sirable goods and value.
We have closed out several
lots of Ladies Colored Skirts
that are pretty and cheap, viz:
Full sized Grey Striped Skirts,
with extension top, plated and
ruffled trimmings, at CSC and
$1.oo each also Gray Mohair
Skirts with velvet trimming, at
$1.oo, reduced from $I.5o.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06

down for teachers and pupils "leaves little
room for the spontanelty Of the former or
the individuality of the latter" There is
more truth than poetry in this criticism.
The latest sensation in Paris is pamphlet
by the Radical deputy, Camille Drsyfus, en-
titled "The Necessary War" It says: The
moment has come for France to obtain the
revision of the Frankfort treaty or to tear
1t up. France should appeal to Europe in
tho name of general peace, menaced by that
treaty which consecrated the abandonment
to Germany Of Alsace-Lorraine. The
moment has come for France to make war
on Germany. Lot Us make war; diplomatic
reasons permit it; economic reasons impose
it on us, and military reasons command It,
Let us make war; the historic hour has come.
Two years ago would have been too soon; in
two years it may be too late.
A writer in London journal calls atten-
ton to the unappreciative uses and preserva-
tive qualities of soapstone, material, he
says, which possesses what may be regarded
as extraordinary qualities in withstanding at
mospheric influences, those, especially, which
have 80 much to do with the corrosion of
iron and steel, and from experiments made,
it is said that no other material is capable of
taking hold of the fibre of iron and steel so
readily and firmly as this. In China, soap
stone is largely used in preserving structures
built of sandstone and other stones liable to
crumble from the effect of atmosphere; and
the covering with powdered soapstone in the
form Of paint, on some Of the obelisks in
thas country, composed Of stone liable to at
nospheric deterioration. has been the means
of preserving them in tact for hundreds Of
years.
"Cheek" ia a valuable quality. The pa
rents of the artist Ivasovsky were Armenian
PEASANTS, living at village not far from
Moscow. One day the present emperor's
grandfather was riding through 1t with a
small suite. As Nicholas was passing by
Ivasovsky's hamlet somehow his majesty
dropped his whip. The emperor, it is said,
bsckoned to young Ivasovsky, who was adj
miring the gay cavalcaae, and told him to
pick it up. Thereupon the boy approached
boldly and asked: "Who are youa" Nicholas
replied: II am the emperor" The Armenian
genius added: "If you cannot take care Of
your whip how can you take care Of your
subjects2"' The enpsror was pleased with
this remark, and ordered him to be educated
at his own expense and in any profession he
eno's. uA took to the brush, and he is to-
day the person wn~-- the Armenians are
proud to see rewarded by France with a dis
tinctien worthy of her own sense of appre-
citation.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
GO SOUTH, YOUNG MAN.

Seuthward the star of prosperity takes Its
way. In the southern part of this country
there is q boom on, and many are profting
thereby. Still further south, according to a
writer in the Scottish Geographical Magazine,
there are opportunities for wealth sufficient
to satisfy even the avaricious. He gives q
glimpse of recent explorations in Peru and
Bolivia, undertaken with purpose to find
available routes by which the products of the
rich but undeveloped regions on the eastern
slope Of the Andes and about the hesdwaters
of the Amazon and Madeira, can be brought
to market. The commercial world knows very
little about these regions which are inhab-
tied by primitive races whose wants are
readily supplied by nature. In the hills
and mountains gold exists in great quanti-
ties, but at present The mines are almost
inaccessible and everything has to be car
ried to or from them Oh mems backs. Coal
copper, lead, mar bic and jasper are among
the mineral resources, and the soil is 80 fer
tile that "Iice yields two crops annually,
sugar cane ripens every eight or nine months
without replanting, tobacco yields three
crops of fne quality, and plantains,
pineapples. vanilla aud yucca ripen at
every season." Cotton, coffee, cocoa
and maize grow and yield in great
abundance, while india rubber, Gin.
namon, camphor, indigo, balsam and many
medicinal plants yield luxuriantly. Though
under the equator the region is so elevated
that the climate is delightful. Yet these
regions are almost inaccessible. There are
no roads except the mountain paths used by
the Indians, yet doubtless available routes
can and will be discovered and these vast and
fertile territories opened to settlement, civili-
cation and commerce.
All lof which is very interesting and pleas
ing. Those who are first in the field will
secure the best harvest if they have enough
ability and luck.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06

A Vocation, Pursued In the North
west, That Calls for Remarkable
MarksHnanship.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
SERIOUS.

The humorist never looks SO serious as |
when he is writing his "funny column" |
Other people look serious when they read it.
-Somerville Journal.
Nurse-"See, Williel you have two little
brothers. Aren't they prettys" Willie (re-
tenhl-"Which one are We going to drowna"
American.
Bagley-"Have you recovered from your
recent sickness, Baileys" Bailsy-"No, not
fully" Bagley-"Why, you look as well as
$13 yet."-New York Ledger
DR.. Smith-"Your blood is impoverished
I shall have to prescribs some iron for you"
Mr.. Jores-"Don't, doctor. My wife says
look rustier than any other man in town
Already Albans Advertiser.
If you should see messenger boy rum
ming when there was no cause for it that
would be phenomenon, but if you should
see him running when there was cause for it
that would be q miracle.-Elmira Gazette.
A Wicked Plot.-First Pilot-'sI am going
Magazine" Second Poet-"Hows" First
Poet--''I've sent him poem, and I've poison
ed the mucilage on the return envelope ~
Puck.
Englishman-"We have lately been build
ing steamers which can sail over six inches
of water" American-''That's nothing.
We have long had steamers in America that
have sailed three days overdue. ."-Terre
Haute Express.
An old man, aged eighty. is pushing
wheelbarrow FROM MoConnelsville, Ohio, to
Baltimore. When he arrives the census
enumerator can appropriately PROFOUND TO
him question SS, which reads: care you an
idiota"-B Baltimore Herald.
,I, ,soIx Ill
wish find some special reason why you
should get up early. 1t is a sure cure for
insomnia. You will 60 to sleep the moment
you get to bed, and sleep till long past the
hour that You wanted to get up.-Atchison
Globe.
Mrs. Slimdiet-So you have placed your
self under the care of q physician who re-
duces superfuous feshs Did he recommend
any special dieta New Boarder-No, mad
am. He simply recommended your board
ing house.-New York Weekly.
Settled. - Passenger Gn railroad carr
eyes, sir; this idle discussion of the tariff
question is done, and the thing is settled for
O generation, at least AS the New York Sun
says-(to porteT) What beastly row those
fellows in the smoking compartment are car
rying on! They won't let fellow sleep.
What in thunder are they talking about2"
Porter-"They're argyin' about de tariff, sab. !"
Puck.
Now doth the little busy fly
Improve each shining hour,
And when we are drowsy in
the morning, and the little
torment crawls over our neck
and buzzes around our left
ear, and flies glibly away
every time we slap, and lodges
around the room while, and
then settles down again on
nose, just are getting
back to sleep, and starts in
to investigate our most tickish
nostril, OH wouldn't we knock
that pestiferous little insect
sky high
ii we only had the power!
-Somervilie Journal.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
KILLING TME SEA OTTER.

A Vocation, Pursued In the North
west, That Calls for Remarkable
Marksmanship.
from West Shore.l
From Dsmon's to Point Greenville, dis
tance of twenty miles, the beach is lined at
intervals of half mile with derricks built
about midway between high and low water,
at the top of which the hunter spends his
time, during the summer months, shooting
the sea otter, the furs of which are among
the most valuable met with in the marts of
the world.
At the ''Oyhut," six miles above Damon's,
lives portion Of the tribe of Quinault In
dians, and there exists the line drawn be-
tween the "Tyee' man and his slaves, whose
ancestors were taken in battle many years
ago. True, at the present day they are not
deprived of their liberty, but as long ss de-
scendauts of both the conqueror and the
conquered exist the "Tyee" man will point
at his neighbor as the son of his fathers
slave.
Six miles above "Oyhut" the Chepalis riv-
er, stream easily forded at low tide, emp
ties into the sea, while two miles further on
the leading rock, or ''Coph Palis," as called
in the Indian dialect, stands about quarter
off mile off shore, and, like Cleopatra's
needle, raises its head far above the waves.
Upon this the sea otter hunters have erected
crying waves, whose crests ip storm time
overleap the roof, should wash 1t into the
sea.
One of the hunters who was caught in
storm and forced to stay on this rock over
six weeks related to me his experience. His
canoe had been washed away, and not even
an Indian could be induced during the whole
of that time to come to his relief; time and
time again would the waves dash over his
house. while he momentarily looked for the
dear bolts, at the mercy of whose strength
his life hung, to give away. have seen the
waves in spiteful fury lash those rocks, and
can appreciate his remark that the crown of
the highest prince who ever wore a robe of
sea otter fur would be no induoemsnt for an
other sojourn there during such storm.
The sea otter must not be confounded
with the land otter, of which there are seve-
raj spaoies, none of which possess the rich
and valuable fur of their marine cousin.
The common otter of Europe is the Lutra
Vulgaris, while the American variety, found
in the northern regions OF the continent. is
the Lutra Canadensis or Mallis. The genus
inc sea otter 10 the Euhydra Marina, and dif-
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06
Andrew Lang,s Typical American.
IEron ih, North Anarican Reziex

Bat, if try we must, here goes for the
typical American of the educated classes.
He is not very like an Englishman; he is
rather more like FrenchmaD, but still more
like an American. You cannot say where
he differs in appearance from Briton; it
may be in his necktie, his boots, or the way
in which he brushes his hair. He seldom
looks as if he lived much in the open air or
was fond Of field sports. He is much more
vivacious than an Englishman, more original
in manner, more fertile in ideas, more mod
ern in every way. He Is almost too good
company; too effervescant for some natives
of slow, foggy climate. He Is invariably
detached from our internal politics and So
cial confusion. These are all pretty indif
ferent to the native of a country which has
elbow room, militia which shoots and prac-
tically no neighbors. He is usually fond of
the Irish and their cause, but he never goes
to Ireland. He does not mind explaining to
you the niceties of base ball; but have
known an elderly Frenchman take more in
terest than he does in cricket. He seems to
me to know q great deal about cookery and
delicaoies of strange names, American or
French; but he has, perhaps, no very high
opinion of our poor culinary efforts. He is
not curious, however, in strange mixed ju-
leps and cocktails, and 60 forth, like the rep
resentative American of the stage. He very
seldom talks with an English accent, and
even when he does his idioms betray him.
He takes platonic interest In poker, but is
no gambler He is much too familiar with
English life to be very keenly curious about
it, and he never dreams of going to see the
lions He is rather fond of the play, know
ing and caring very much more about our
authors, actors, pieces, and SO forth, than I
do, for one. He is kind, courteous, ingen-
| ious, obliging, a good fellow, aud welcome
| because he is infinitely more alive than most
| of us. To bring him into a room full Of de-
jseted Britons is like pouring fresh water
| among the fish in pail. He is patriotic,
but no Chauviniste, and is aware that Bun
ker Hill WIS but British defeat. He does
| not talk about the war and Abraham Lin
coin. We are sorry when he goes away and
glad when he CONES back again with new
budget of good stories, for, if he has ma.
tional trait, it is the swoppipg of anecdotes.
he is no: man thas anybody would think
of trying to impose on, but he ia not demon
stratively acute. Never have I seen robus-
| tious American, nor an American who
| preached. nor an American who told point
| less stories.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06

The Rev. DR.. Mcintosh, prominent MEM
careful investigation he finds that fully one-
fifth of the population of this countsy is of
Scotch-Irish lineage. It is agood mixture.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06

The Chicago board of health has decided
that "death from heart failure" is too in
definite, and Chicago doctors must hereafter
say something else.
Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1890-06-06

fifth of the population of this countsy is of
Scotch-Irish lineage. It is agood mixture.
Within few weeks the British Museum
has become possessed of Chinese bank note
issued from the imperial mint three hundred
years before the circulation of the frst paper
money in Europe, or in the first year, or one
of the first years of the reign of the first
Ming emperor. The fret real bank in
Europe was that of Barcelona, established in
14O1.
There are more ways than one to get
living. Abe vreeland has ekunkery at
Homer, Michigan, which he started in small
way some years ago, but after this years
breeding season is over he expects to have
nearly 5000 of these animals. He raises
them for their hides and oil and even for
pets. A well-tamed and inofensiye speci-
men often brings him in SO.
The weekly payment law of New York is
a comprehensive one. It includes in it's
scope every style Of company or corporation
and July next is the date after which it
will 60 into operation. When the employe
is not present upon pay day he can demand
his wages at any subsequent time, and fail
ure to comply with the law entails penalty
Of not more than $40 nor less than $40 for
each offence.
J. q. Fitch. inspector of training schools
in England. who came to America in 1888 to
study the public school system, has made a
report which is not very complimentary to
our schools. He says they give no better
education than is now offered by the ele.
msntary methods in England, tho chief fault
being that the minutsness Of tho rules laid