The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1890-12-27
PRICE FIVE CENTS
THE FESTIVE BURGLAR.
Now Lay Awake Tor Two Nouth. 10 Head
Hnn on

Now Lay Awake Tor Two Moath. 10 H.ad
49,. hIn or.
What would you do if you heard q
burglar in the house?
10 me that question has occurred a
million times, more or less. The firsi
time 1t flashed athwart nv brain l
bought a bull dog revolver and a
Spanish dirk, On second thought /
added q base ball bat to the equipment
and then for six nights Law awake
planning how ] would softly draw on
some indispensable garments, seize ths
revolver In one hand, the club in the
other, and capture or otherwise dispose
| OF the burglar. The dirk | would carry
III my teeth saw no other way.
Strange TO say, this armament and
my we'll laid plans did not bring the
peace of mind L had expected. The
more prowlel around the more
agitated became. Twice / shot at
the cat aud once i gave the hall hat
rack wicked stab, taking il for a bur.
giar. .-
Then my wife suggested in the inter
ests Of my health that / put up a bur.
glar alarm and not get up until I had
to. The blamed thing went of every
time anybody came In or went out, day
or night, and l got so tired of tho eter-
nal ,clatter that cut the wires and sub
siituted some unpatented devices of nv
own.
hung fat iron on the key of the
front door 80 that ii would fall In q
dlshpan placed underneath: two pokers
stood against the back door, arranged
so as to fall at the slightest touch, and
at various out of the way places |
placed baskets filed with cheap crock
cry, tinware and other articles, so that
tho burglar would step into or against
hcm-at least / feryently hoped he
would-and give me warning of his adj
vent.
But these schemes didn't work much
better than the burglar alarm. Every
body knew got In the habit of calling
on me after / had retired, and of course
/ ouldforget the hatiron, and send il
ciattering into the dishpan, necessitat-
ing awkward explanations, and once IL
clattered down on my toes. The cat
made regular practice of knocking
down the burglar warning pokers, and
II my wife stepped into the alarm bas-
ACA1 SA1G sue kN6nLV times.
The result was that / fell back on nv
revolver, club apd dirk. I.also bought
a watchman's rattle. Two nights
later heard a noise, and looking ont
OF the window saw man trying my
front door. fired ut him, and the an
YfglsaaS,nfTf Ygass, Nd dbRHdd i46erned me .thas bad
later sprang the rattle on my wife's
aunt, who came from Poughksepsie Oh
Il late train, aud she was so angry that
she wouldn't stay more than three
weeks and my wife thinks we are cut
out of her viii. Things went on in this
fashion for q month or so, until the
began to circulate n petition
asking me- to move ont of the ward.
So ] told my wife that when heard
a burglar in the house the plan of cam
pRign would be as follows: would
first raise the window sash, making as
much noise as possiblein doing so, and
spring the rattle with q firm and deter
mined hand. / would then give the
burglar two minutes 10 leave the house.
Ii he still remained among the silver
ware / would advance into the upper
hall, beat the stair railing fiereely with
a base ball bat and fire three or four
shots downstairs. / was firmly con-
vinced that no burglar could Withstand
such terrible attack, and after II had
been clearly outlined beyond the posi-
bility of a mistake i slept peacefully for
the first time in three months.
The very next morning, when i went
TO light the fire, / encoun-
tered n bare sideboard, and further
search revealed the fact that my domi'
Gle had. been ransacked from cellar
TO garret. 1t was q clean scoop.
Well, there was one consolation. Now
/ know what / would do il a burglar
broke into my house.
I'd sleep. p.-NetU FORK World.