Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1890-02-08

You HAVE WENT BACK ON ME. "
u do not know what they were there for
We did not want them. We did not need
them. They joyfully stood around in the
way and spat down q large knothole near
the curtain rope, although 1t was hopeless
task, for 1t dried up before the next one
could get ready, and so they are no nearer
TO floating the stage away Lhan when they
first began. asked the head man IL he
would get me glass of water. He said he
had to remain In order to attend to the
curtain. As we do not use any curtain or
scenery or properties, except glass OF
water and stick of hoarhound candy, l
thought he could be spared, but he did not
seem to think so, and got small boy to
bring me the water while the head boy,
now stage Napoleon, went to reading once
more the thrilling tale, "Married i'm Haste,
to Repent Mt Chicago or, How Won Her, I"
by A. Oner, Esq.
He was the tiredest young man for one
who was just in the fluff and bloom and
heyday fife that ever saw. He had a
fetr6ating chin. Otherwise he would not
.hRxeitsdthe strength of purpose to spit
OysEi.. dis forehead also asked to be
excused and went back into his hair i'm
search OF ideas and one thing and another
Judge.
Ons-ef-his front teeth had disappeared.
Doubtless kicked out by an infariated
horse while the two weIeI sleeping in the
same stall, the horse being tied, however,
W
means Of discouraging bed fellow with
whom he could certainly have Ifotiiingh In
common. The loss of this tooth gave him
greater scope as an expectorator, and
would have assisted his smile if he had
ever smiled, but he never smiled. It is
very rare that such man laughs. His
dignity and set Of liverwurst thought
works in poor state of preservation, are
all he has. Life is serious matter with
an ass. do not say this in order to be
euphonious, but from the rich and over
flowing treasures of ripe experience.
Q thought would say that before some
one else did it for mel
The ass is always sad and dignified. He
is profound and mournful. If you desire
to see selemnity, dignity and mental
corral when the deep voiced ass with the
low, retreating forehead trills his tremen-
dOus notes in the hush of the evening.
My dear friend, Mr.. Shaw, once said
that dignity was no more the sign of
wisdom than the paper collar was the sign
of a shirt, and can put my hand on my
heart and say he was right.
once knew man who had a good deal
of dignity and beard that he could part In
the middle like skye terriers. With
these rare gifts of mind and heart he
married a sweet young girl and got read.
ing notice of forty lines in exchange for
wedge of bride cake, which was afterward
used in thin strips for double leading the
editorials. He advanced rapidly, until he
had obtainei the confidence of all who
knew him. Cashing this confidence one
Saturday, evening. he parted with his
parted whiskers, his flowing hair became
fled, and in tffe- msrning, as dignified
man who had never been known to smile,
wrote his name on the register at Montreal.
Many Citizens, y" Veritas, PRO Bono
a wet eyed grass widow and two little dig
nified clubs with pompadour hair wept
and would not be comforted. He never
came back.
En- route have received several letters
and queries from readers and correspon-
dents, which / will take the liberty of an
swering here II 1 hear no objection prior
to the publication of this.
Retire Pennypacker," Toledo, Ohio,
asks what the cost of a ball would be If
properly given to ones friends in New
York.
A recent estimate is as follows as nearly
as l can recollect:
Rent of ball room $1,000
Orchids, palms, etc. 1900
Floral favors for ladies 5000
Jeweled favors for German say at $40
when yoir company comprises other
nationalties than the German, you
might make II for less.)
Dinner at $40 per plate. 10000
Music ................ 600
b. and s. for following morning ..... 10000
Total .sU,VU
OF course slight reductions could be
made on this sly If you use field grasses
with powdered alum on them and pressed
autumn leaves instead ofthe orchids, you
can save from 81, 600 to 5000. Or if you
want to trim your hall with festoons of
seed corn and dried apples instead of
palms, you may cut down this bill $1,000
or3,5OO.
Again, you might cheapen the floral
offerings to the ladies by using paper
flowers, or postponing the ball until golden
rod gets within the reach of all. A dinner
in New York may also be arranged much
cheaper than $40 a plate, by having several
bright conversationalists at each end of the
table and skipping the horse doovers,
arriving at once at the removes of say a
broiled pigs feet on toast, a bottle of Ann
Hizer Sec and ice cream. bright conver-
satiOnalist or a good humorist who is
willing to give a fair equivalent for his
food can save you al such a meal hundreds
of dollars. You might have to take the
conversationalist and humorst out into
the wood shed and give them something
extra before the meal, in order to keep
them up to where they would be willing
to sparkle and be the life of the party, bu,
even then it would be great saving tc
YOU. l once went to delightful dinner
of this kind, but was not told to sparkle sc
talked entirely with young lady near me
all the evening regarding Mr.. Russell and
the Desarts theory.
The host was so mad hat he did no
pass me the pie at all, and ate my dried
prunes with the rich umbrella juice tha
went with them, while l was looking the
other way. When he gave me my hat anc
overcoat at last, in the hall, he hissed il
my ear:
"You have went back on me and hav,
came to my house for the last time.
you had of done the square thing yol
would have had As good time as you wai
ever at, and got your little old s. besides
but now you can be excused. didn't as
you come here and stuff yourself full o
victuals and then talk art 10 a mere STRIPPING
of girl. lfyou want to get ahead yol
want to do it some other way"
told him that when found out wher'
TO get head would be sure to give hin
the address. i then selected a good pal