West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-01-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

OphihNAhB AHt titlB nluU III, IL taxes
three to make n pair.-Puck.
The musical critic should necessarily
be a man of good sound Judgment
Lite.
Miss Adipose refers to her slim lover
B a beau and narrow. -Binghamton
Leddor.
You never can tell the size of q woman's
grief by the frequency of her sighs.-
Boston Post.
No American consul was ever seasick
enough on his voyage to throw up his APP
pointment.
Because a boy is a remarkable little
shaver is no sign that he will become "A
rber.-BinghamtoR Republican.
The fact that the poor man wants to
own a mule may be because the animal is
so well heeled.-Merchdat 7rarcler.
81 called to see you just as "A matter Of
curiosity" said the dime museum man
ager to the armless phenomenon .--Ker-
chant TraoeIer.
Money is not essential to happiness,
but there is an indefinite something about
a big bank account hat at times is very
refreshing.-Bpoch.
Young Sprigg-''Mr. Bidquick, / am
worth $50, 900 and l love your daughter
Mr.. Bidquick (retired auctioncer)-
''Sold. - Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Littlun las her husband enters)-
"Hushi Baby's asleep Mr.. Littlun
-"But that's the only time l nave a
chance to be heard. Puck.
Gabby-"How did you get that dread
full cold2" Snufleton-''Id the datural
way, stoopid2 S'pose | advertised for
plads adj spedihgatiods l"-SVtings.
"When Greek meets Greek
Then comes the tug Of war;
When the Way Back Sewing Circle meets
-Goodalps sun.
Mrs. Broadhurst-''You must stay over
for our ball on Thursday night" Count
de Pardanelle-"A-ah, madame. YOU will
assassinate me with your kindness -
Judge.
Stranger lin dime museum)-"Sav.
where's the walking match you adj
vertlsedf" Manager-"Sec the Twin
skeleton over THEREOF ''Ycp." "Wcll.
that's him. Thine.
Necessity is the mother Of invention.
These patent self applying buttons would
have never been invented if women had
remained content to stay at home and do
the sewing.-Terre Haute ErDress.
Brown-"You know I'm quite a near
neighbor Of yours now, Mrs. Golightly?
I've just taken a little house on the
river" Mrs. Golightly-"Ohl We'll, L
hope you'll drop in come day "-Ealy.
Alice (at two A. VI. in the parlor-
"Oh, George, / hear papa coming
Rum George Csmiling)-"He won't
come I'm here How do you know
81 lent him $40 this morning. Luz.
renee AmericaH.
p your best foot forward has ever been
shown
To be for mankind n commendabIe plan
But the mule with a way that Is solely his
own
Puts his best foot backward as hard as no
can.
-Chjcogo HcroJd.
What a happy world this would bc il
It were not for the thought Of the long
and expensive litigation that will take
place when our heirs try TO burst our will
IN order 20 get 20 chunk Of our million
aire estate. -D1nsrWe Breeze.
"Well, John, 50 said q gentlemen 10 his
servant, 81 must say that 10 doesn't take
me half the time to dress that it doc,
you. "NO doubt. sir; no doubt. but
then, sir, we are not all alike. sir for
I've no valet 10 help me, sir. "-J,lqqe.
Bclinda-'I see that Clara has taken
20 sending liberal donations to- the hosp.-
tails and %asylums." Annablc-.Ycs,
You sec She has everything She could Dos.
sibly want, she has not 70 wish uD0-ati.
fed. 50 she Is going boz for self denial and
giving TO the poor -Amlr,oy.
Miss Charity 60 bcggar woman
There, my good woman. IS au oId dress
Of mine with ouly The front width. and a
parto Of the waist gone. Ifyou will got four
or five yards Of brown cashmere to conn.
uine with 1T, and some new Innings and
velvet for o collar and cuffs and "a para.
ut Che side, DO viii make you quito 20 nc,t
and comfortable gown. That Is aI I fay.
for you today 49, Time.