St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-12-28


been found specimens of an extremely
heavy substance known as brown bread.
During this epoch the Yam KEGS
seem TO have been peace-loving peo-
pie, as is evidenced by the remains of
Goldfish near their chosen hauItS. The
migration to the westward wrought
many changes in the habits of the peo-
pie. Along all their lines of travel there
are remains precious in the eyes of
psychologists. There are spots where
this strange people, rushing in frantic
haste from place to place, stopped for
food. The famous kankakee inScrip-
ton, discovered near such a camping
spot, when deciphered has been found
to read: Ten Minutes for Refresh
ments.'"
Poor Yau Kees-this apathetic in
Seription gives us lurId picture of their
cruel destiny, aud to the philosopher
gives sufficient reason for their hav-
ing vanished from the earth. Near
these middens have been found heaps
| of fiat conglomerate rocks slightly
rounded at the edges. The reddish
transverse streak was formerly supposed
| to be due to iron, but is now known to
contain organic remains. These petrifac-
| tons are known to minerologiStS as
sandwiches, and the strange theory is
now advanced that they were originally
articles of food, sold during their mi
| grationS TO the travelling Yankees.
volumes have been written upon the
condition of man during the early sand
| witch epoch. 1t is period of intense
| though tragic interest. How did man
survive? Who can tell?
The professor declined to enter into
| the discussion OF the question whether
the sandwich was in reality used as an
| article of food OF, as the older SavantS
maintain, as deadly missile.
at is matter not yet fully settled
whether what is known as the tin can
| epoch was contemporaneous with or i'm
| mediately succeeding to the later sand
witch. At any rate, the remains OF tin
| cans OF all shapes and sizes abound in
the vicinity of the ancient dwellings.
During the tin can period man was
| the contemporary of animals now eX-
| tinct. The street car horse-equS dol
orosus-still survived. The car-canis
voclferisimus-wan through the
| streets. The remains of one of the ami
mails have been discovered with a tin
can attached to the caudal extremity by
firm ligament. The cause of this con-
necton has been the subject of much
discussion among the learned. The
frightful porous ehieogoensis was also
| at large, and must have been an object
| of unspkakable terror.
ITO this period also belongs the IA
mons inscription found in the MuSking-
UNI valley two centuries ago. 1t is a
| fragment of decree issued by chief
| tain called Mckinley or Mckinley.
This was probably not the proper name
of all individual, but an hereditary title
| of honor-meaning the Kindly or Benev-
| client One. The decree declares tariff
Enr flNn 81 @1o@D
| sense can he made out of these words,
whether tariff was fetish or totem.
$50 obscure has this whole subject
been that in the last century certain
ornithologistS insisted that the tariff was
| bird Of an extinct order. This view
was rendered plausible by an allusion
| III an ancient MSS. to the bill of tariff.
However, after most searching inyesti.
| CATION of all the strata of the tin
can epoch, no remains of bill or,
indeed, Of any other part of the
anatomy of this hypothetical bird have
been discovered. 1t must, however, in
| candor, be confessed that there is evil
dence that the tariff had some connec-
ton in the minds of the Yam Kee abor-
iginees with the so-cailed bird of free
dom which is rudely pictured on their
ancient coins. But in all likelihood
this connection was purely subjective.
''The tradition of the tariff was pre-
served even into historic times, and
twenty centuries ago the historian
O'Carron declares that in the highlands
of Pennsylvania he met an aged man
who protested to have actually seen
one. When, however, pressed to de-
scribe its appearance, the old man, whose
powers were fast failing, was unable to
fhacn frrt,a
words. The tariff is not tax
with this purely negative evidence
we have had TO content ourselves until
the last decade. At length the prob
lem has been solved. 1t was known
that the tariff was kind of tin plate
used i'll war as a protective armor to
that deadly weapon known as the tax
1.-THE proclamation therefore of Chief
tain Mckinley was declaration of war,
| calling upon his clanSmen to put on
their protective armor and go forth
against the foe.
This is not a mere theory. At the
foot of Lake Michigan excavations have
brought to light the ruins of what must
at one time have been quite consider
able town. Here has been unearthed a
vast deposit of tin cans. On each is
stamped the unmistakable words, Up.
Armor." This is evidently the pro-
tective armor, or tariff, used by the
Yankee warriors when they marched
forth in defense OF their infants and
their industries.
''What became Of the Yankees is un-
known. Whether they were eXtermin-
ated by our ancestry or absorbed by
them cannot be ascertained.
at has long been accepted as a matter
of course that the Irish race originated
on thn tai,Ip lands Maphaf JcI
where they long have ruled.
''From this cradle of the race they
send forth colonies to people this CONT
nent, and afterwards other colonies
across the sea. establishing the Europe
Irish family of nations. This has been
received as something as much beyond
dispute as the levity of astral bodies,
orany other doctrine of science. But
of late the astounding proposition has
been put forth that the Irish originated
in Ireland, an island lying SO deg.
north latitude and 80 deg. of longitude
east from Duluth. This theory is in
its picturesque abSurdity, it being we'll
known that Ireland is the only spot on
| earth where no trace of Irish occu-
pancy past or present can be found"
The professor closed his paper with
an alluSion to the curious myths which
have floated down from dim antiquity.
AS an Illustration OF this he gave the
ancient myth Of Jay Gould.
jay Gould was mortal Of small
stature and of Unsuitable appetite. Once
the gods invited him to banquet and
in jest offered HIM the earth. Jay
Gould swallowed it at mouthful, and,
carefully adjusting his napkin, re-
marked that after so excellent relish
he was ready for something to eat. 1t
is needless to remark that this is a sun
myth.
Jay Gould is the sun whose morning
radiance duely swallowed the earth, and
then cries for more so that tint of this
is given in his name, gould or gold
Simplifying the golden effulgence of the
luminary. or. if preferred, Jay Gould
may signify the darkness swallow
ing up the cath. The myth was found
useful in preserving the important
f,bcarUoflOn tt,of ipfo