Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-05-22
How to Dress the Baby.
BY KATE LHORN.
New York Weekly.

| BY KATE THORN.
New York Weekly
| All family men fancy that they can dress
| the baby much more deity and expeditions
| ly than the mother can perfor. N the oper-
alton That is, if they only set themselves
about it.
''Of course there is no doubt about that, -
says the man to himself, "a man can do
anything better than a woman. and not
make half the fuss and talk about it. Wo-
men wear themselves out talking things
over. Why. a woman will talk more about
making hat-iron holder than a man
would about building a Westinghouse.
When man is going to do anything, he
goes to work and does it. He doesn't have
to run all over the neighborhood to ask
every one he knows about it, and then do
as he has mind to, as a woman will do.
And so, having heard him boast of his
capabilities for years, some fine morning
when his wife's head aches, and the femi-
nine deity of the kitchen has given notice,
the mother of the family invites him to
dress the baby.
The baby is big enough to walk around
and have finger in every pie, but it will
be 1.-The baby until later edition APP
pears.
The man who knows it all smiles trium-
phantly to himself. He is delighted with
the opportunity of showing his wife how
much quicker he can do it than she can.
| And he'll see if that baby is going to run
all over creation after cats and things, and
cry half the time while he is doing it.
Discipline is what is needed with child
rem.
Hecalls the baby to him.
Stand there, Freddy, while papa finds
your clothes, like good boy"
Freddy places himself in position, while
his pa goes in quest of the raiment belong
ing to the juvenile. Freddy spies bird
ON the top of tree in the yard and he
! climbs on the piano to get high up at
the window, and he knocks down a couple
of bundles of sheet music, his sister Fan
ny new hat that she left there last night
! when she came home from the party, so
tired that she could hardly get up stairs
to bed; and then poor Freddy slips and
grabs the window shade to save himself,
and brings it down, fixtures and all, and
draws double tracked railroad ON the
polished rosewood of the piano, with his
wildly ciutching fnger-nails, and lands
safely on the floor, bowling with rage at
not having been able to get the bird.
By this time his pa has found most of
his clothes, and is ready to begin. But
Freddy ism t ready He wants to see the
pictures in the album. Then he insists
on hearing the watch tick. Then he wants
to catch the dog by the tail and give it a
good pull, to see if it is on fast. Then he
wants to kiss mamma.
'Stand still!' says his pa, putting on
the severe look that he uses on his insub-
ordinate clerks in the dingy down town
office, land see if you can keep your tongue
still while | dress you! Don't wigge So
Freddy! Stand still! Put down your
foot! Let that cat alone! Here, you lit
tie mischief, stop chewing that ed pencil!
Hold up your head, can't you? Put this
hand through-no, that one! Good gra-
cious it is strange that women will make
pants for babies wrong end to! And more
buttons on EN- than would be needed to but
ton up a regiment of men! Now then,
for the waist! Humph, that is made the
same way, all the buttons in the wrong
place. No arm holes. no nothing! Fred.
dy, hold still! tell you it doesn't hurt
you! Yes, tbs on right. It can't be on
any oGher way. By Jove, I've forgot the
drawers, and the stockings! Here put up
that foot. Good gracious, Freddy, can
you stop wiggling your toes? Hold your
leg stiff. Now. we'll put ON the little
mans collar. What an outandish
contrivance to fasten collar. 1t doesn t
stay put anywhere. Let's see. the bow
goes under it? No, it must go over it. Keep
your head still. What are you hobbling
SO for? Lift up your arms, Freddy!
What the duce is the matter with this
| child's arms? He can't move 'em. Don t
cry Freddy. Let me look. Do stop that
brawling. This all comes of your
mother humoiing you SO. | say, Fred,
stop this noise! Stop it, | say! l shall
And about at this juncture his wife APP
pears on the scene, and she finds that
Freddys pants are hind part before, and
one Of his arms has been put through the
neck space, and the other one through one
| arm-hole of his waist, and his collar, which
was made to turn down, stands up, and his
stockings are on wrong side out; and his
pa will never own that there is anything
out Of order about The proceeding, but the
next time he dresses the baby. he doesn't
dress it-he always has something to see to
| that prevents him.