The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1890-11-21
MR.. PORTER'S LITTLE LIST.

Which do you favor-the Players or League?
How will yon tie next year! ~
What do You take for ii jumping toOthachcf
What do you pay IOr beer!
How do you live Il thousand year?
What do you think OF Our i'iaEur!
How old will you be in the year s.?
oyou VICAR your own natural hair2
How many teeth have you got in your head?
When do you pare your nails!
What's your cicst-lnc:;sure when boxing for
lca~urG:
Do you attend bargain sales?
What do you pay for the rcd on your checks?
What do YOU pay for Il Shine?
DO you take mustard along with your Gus
tard!
Do you fish with net ora line?
What do you say when yon call on your girl?
Are 9Ou stuck on hcr-Gr"-whiz!
N. Y. Lvening Sun.
A game law-"Thrce of kind beat
two pairs. - IVusAtngt0~ Post.
Those who get through the world by
making the worst Of it work hard for
poor pay.-St. Louis Tr0dcr.
Man was made to mourn, but he has
fixed things % that his wife has taken
the Job OF his hands. -Eiugtunston
Lc0tttr.
..Have you a good cooh?" "She's
very good-~ues to church four times
a week. She can't cook, thought
Balttnaore Ncrutd.
The mans a brute. He threatened
to put head on me-" And you let
the opportunity slip? You foolish
;boy."-N. Y. Sun.
Wibble-"IIow hard it is for poor
man to be honest" Wabbie-"M "Maybe;
but it's no job at all for an honest man
to be poor. ''-1crre Hn~te Erpress.
''We are going to have a picnic,"
said Mamie to her brother so am
L. said he. '.lIOw?' BY staying ut
home from your picnic, washington
Post.
Clara" sHid he, 'C!ara-" '''Thom-
as" she whispered. Il do love you;
but aren't YOU Il little mistaken? This
is Friday night, and l am Sarah."-
-Harper's Bnzdr.
1t is all up with the baby when he
takes a notion to cry at midnight.
Perhaps it is necessary to state that it
refers TO the household in general
.Icrre Htute Express.
The time passed very pleasantly in
the paror and it WAS not till the clock
and the neiyhboring bells struck one
that the latenrss of the hour struck two.
-LhitudeiDilsd Times.
Western Man-''Now. candidIy, sir,
what kind of country is New En-
gIand?" Boston Man (enthuSiastical-
1O-"Its Gods own country, but
(sadly) the DEVILS own climate
Weeks-''A town out West has dis
covered 5rand-new wrinkle in the
faith philosophy" Simpson - I'm
sdecd," Weeks-"Ycs; they're curing
halns by rayer!'-An1crjc"m Grocer.
Wife-"John Jones, you're a fool"'
Hushand-"You didn't seem to think
so when | was single" Wife-''No,
YOU never showed what a big fool you
Mere until you married me. '-EPoca.
That's the porcupinc, isn't it?
What an u"Iy-lookin~ crealure.' Yes.
1t isn't what You would call an attract
sve animal. Still it has il great many
fine points about it" - ChicugO Irt-
Dune.
This egg, madam" said the pro-
fesSor. with asperity, sis not fresh"
Sir" said the landIady. graciousiy,
sit was laid just one week after you
made your last payment. .''-Harpers
Bazar.
Get under that balln' yelled the
captain, as the batter knocked Il high
hy to center field ''AlI ri~ht.' replied
the fielder, running forward and then
stopping, Il understand. . ."-HarUurd
LdnepOon.
Husband-"You say l passed YOU
on the street without speakiny?"
Wife - Yes Husband-.I assure
you didn't see YOU" Wifc-'I sup
pose not; am not somebody else's
wife. ."-Light.
Charlie e-"What an intelligent dog
Wildfire is, Miss De Witt. l actually
believe he knows as much as I do"
Miss DeWitt-''Yes indeed; wouldn't
, wonder if he knew more than that Elr.
Feaiherbrane. ."--BOStonian.
A mans capacity for endurance in
some respects change after marriage.
The lover that never @rumbled at hold
ing 130-pound girl for hours grum-
bles if he has to hold a ten-pound baby
two minutes. s.-PhiLadeLphi0 Times.
A new French clock contains novel
application of the magnet. The clock
~ Sudpcu like Il lSiH Will
circle of flowers pointed on its head.
Around the circle two bees crawl, the
larger one requiring twelve hours to
complete its circuit, while the smaller
one makes it every hour. Different
flowers represent the hours, and the
bees. which are of iron, are moved by
two magnets behind the head cf the
tambourIne.
The Philadelphia schoolmarm is 60
ing to be dropped from the silver dol
lar. Perhaps u head of Washington
will supplant it. However as soon as
the Senate passes the proper bill the
Director of the Mint will invite the
submission of designs. The eagle in
our currency, where it looks buzzard
like. will be remodeled; the Goddess of
Liberty on the quarter dollars will prob
ably be improved or removed, and the
Indian may have to quit the cent. The
nickel and gold coins will suffer little
if any alteration.
The London correspondent of the
Bury Times Uancashire) says that he
recently had chat with an old
l.. IL, i