Brenham weekly banner. [volume] (Brenham, Tex.) 1877-1907, 1890-10-02

Dashiel, so pursued Eta Reed, al
actress, at Charleston, ". Va, will
his attentions and efforts to get &C
qua1nted, that she became enrage6
and slapped him in the face IN the
dining room of the principal hotel
Daughter (at the seaside)-Papa
I am going to marry Algernon, who
has waited on us at the table since
we have been here. Papa-ThanB
heaven, my child, for that! The
fortune I have given him in tips may
still remain in the family. Bless
you, bless you, daughter!
A trade makes you independent.
A strong crutch upon which tc
lean.
1t is passport to all countries
and chimes.
A demand note which passes cur.
rent everywhere.
Something which can be carried
in our heads and hands.
If ladies smoked-which the gods
forbid!-do you suppose one lady
would allow another to stop her in
the street and light cigar from her
lips, when she was never introduced
When she didn't even know who
her dressmaker was, or where she
| bought her bonnets?
Bill Nye is a kind, obliging man.
Somebody wrote to him for his au-
tograph and received in reply the
following note from the humorist:
'tDear sir, in the absence of my
amenuensis will you kindly excuse
me if I write my autograph myself?
Yours, Bill Nye."
The first thing young man does
when he sees o friend with a new
hat OH, is to take it off and serenely
try it on his own head. When a
young lady sees one of her acquain-
tances with a new bonnet she just
lifts up her nose, and serenely won
ders ''Where that creature got that
thing"
''Then you have made up your
mind, young lady, never to get mar
ried?" Eyes, sir. I'll die an old
maid" ':But if some young man
were to propose to you?" "Ah, that
would be a different thinp altopeth-
err"
Alfred Richter was shot five times
by his brother-in, law, Kesler, in
Chicago Monday night. Richter was
a notorious character, and married
Miss Kesler, to get control of her
fortune, 100000. He will die.
"Ruse de Guerre:" At the res
taurant-''Waiter, why do you rec
ommend everybody to fake beef a la
mode today" Because, sir, if it
isn't all eaten we shall have it for
dinner ourselves"
A Slur on the '4OO.n- you
publish society intelligence in your
paper"
Editor-No. There's little to pub
fish.
1T is fate" said the young officer,
as he saw the footprints in the
sand. TRUE, but ungrammatical,"
said Major O'Dowd. Eye should
have said, ''There are fate"
Mrs. Snodgrass-"Your husband
complains that he can't smoke the
cigars you bought for him Mrs.
Snivley-"Well. 1 can't wear the
bonnet he selected for me, either"
Miss Alice Ward, of Coney Island,
is the champion woman swimmer of
the world, and at present holds the
medal, which she has won for the
fifth time.
Fort Worth's big refrigerator is
to be setin motion October LIST, with
capacity to slaughter 200 beeves
daily and all the hogs that can be
procured.
Mrs. Sappnoodle-"What beau
tiful vase! Of course it is an anti
que?" Jeweler-"No, it is modern"
Mrs. Sappnoodle-"Too bad. 1t is
so pretty"
''Do you smoker" the maiden
asked suddenly. "Y-yes, some
times" he stammered. 'Well, II
wish you'd smoke now. These mos
quitoes are eating me up"
A Complaint for the Rich: Passi-
fer-'What are you sneezing like
that for, Hojack? Have you got
hay fever" Hojak-"Hay fever
nothing! 1 am poor man, sir"
$50 Col. Playton has all your
said one Congressman to
another. "Yes." How did he get
it," HE took it by tours. I was
backing a full hand"
Speak no evil of the absent; that
is cowardly. Likewise, speak no