The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-07-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

"ho uSfCt mar - n 0ftA bH LUG ~
porter.
Best place to hold the Worlds Fair
= Right around the waist.-Boston
Herald.
/ Is the woman who goes to church to
exhibit her sealskin sacque-religious9--
Rome Sentinel.
Laughter may be the poor mans
plaster. but IL IL not very adhesive
/ Philadelphia Press.
Honesty Is doubtless the best policy.
but IL seems TO have expired long ago.
Laurence american.
The serpent was the most subtle OF
NIL the beasts of the field. but the army
trader is suiler.-Boston Transcript.
While the English drum beat Is heard
around the world the American dead
beat isn't far behind.-1sxas Sylings.
Women rarely are great inventors.
though they are often the first to dis
cover new wrinkles.-1erTe Hanle Err
press.
When you truly and deyotedly love
a girl who is as rich as she is pretty
it's hard to take no for an answer
Epoch
ats a wise joke that knows lis own
father after the religious papers have
quoted IL once or somercitle
journal.
Some women like whispered tale Of
/ love. but belle prefers declarations
made in ringing tones. = Baitimore
american.
When woman loves a man she goes
the whole hoz. even TO the wart on his
nose. IL isn't this way with man.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
IL Is very strange that among those
who set themselves up as great guns
/ the ones of the smallest caliber are the
biggest bores.-Boston Transcript.
What is sweefer than to have q
friend you can trust?r asked Sawk kius.
TO have a friend who will trust you,n
replied Dawkins.-Hartford Times.
Minnie-"And you say you shed no
tears at the play fast night? | did. |
was So affected . Manie-.-O. of
course. You ALWAYS re- Isrre Haute
Express.
It's concentration of thought that
tells i'm our daily endeaxor. Just watch
the face of the small boy when he is
taking aim nj a tramp cat.-Phiiddel-
phia Inquirer.
Jaggs-..Did you swear of the Ists-
Baggs-..weII, | did. YOU know. and
this time il goes" Come ia aud have
oue?" Don't care IL do. r-Fhiiadei-
f'hfa Inquirer.
First Man (excitedly)-"Our board
ing-house Is aiiret' Second Man
(caImly Come. then. hurry up. and
perhaps we may be able TO get some
thing hot.'-Jary.
BIoodgood - Travis dresses well.
doesn't he? 1 wonder what gives such
tone to his eostuneg" DE Smitll-.lt
must be his trousers. They are always
loud. burlington Free Press.
Suitor Il love your youngest
daughter. sir.'' Pater-..Umphl L
suppose you've heard that / have
settled dowry ON my eldest daughter2r
Suitor lin that case. sir. love her. !"
I-Epoch.
In the mission class: Teacher
''Can YOU tell me anything about the
( man who went down from Jericho and
fell among thieves?" The New Boy
tentatively -..Wnz il McGinty?" =
Boston Times.
Ar. n. Peek (slapping his pockeD-
.'Heres nice state of affairs!. Wick
wire-s.W What's the matlers Forget
your pocketbook? Mr.. y. Peck
Yes; forgot to leave il AT home. -
Ierre Hante Eepress.
Young Setfast-..Had a veal advent
ure the other day. Miss Sharpleigh.
Went fishing aud a gweat bwute OF
farm dog made me stay with him thwee
hours" Miss SharpIeigh- Poor old
doggie. - BRAKES .Hagazine.
An enthusiastic exchange refers to
the dresses of some actresses as per
feet poems" 1t would be nearer the
mark to call them epigrams; because
well. there isn't much to an epigram,
you know. Philadelphia Press.
Mabel-"Hal. dear. what makes YOU
always call me your little lamb?" Hal
because you always return tn the
fold. and he opened his arms with an
expectant and satisfied look upon his
smiling face.-Kearneg Enterprise.
Arthur Gust beginning his French)
Papa. is the French word for money
of the feminine or masculine genderP"
Father-'.Feminine.o of course. why.
papa?" Because. haven't you heard
that money talks?'-LosoeH Citizen.
Mother-..You don't seem tired. Jen-
ME. for a young lady who attended
dancing party last night?' Jennie
1T was plumbers bal. you know .and
everything went so slowly that one
could not get tired. "-Boston Herald.
Inquisitive Citizen whats the
matter with the manP Been run over
by railroad tramp Ambulance Sur
geon - Worse than that. He was
caught among the women in bargain
rush at Sellers" - Philadelphia In
Quirer.
Belinda-s'Dearest, what was the real
reason of your marrying meP" Al
phonzo-"I think it was because / un-
derstood you. And what was the rea-
son of your marrying meP' Belinda
Il think it was because did not un-
derstand you."-Anlericd.
Physician Ito Mrs. Col. Blood of
Kentucky)-''How did your husband
pass the night. Mrs. BloodP" Mrs.
Blood-'He seemed quite comfortable.
sir, and asked for water several times" :"
Physician with q grave look)-..HI 10
-still Eighty. Boston Beacon.
Mrs. Al think Mrs Smiths death
such sad one. Ny heart fairly
aches for Mr.. Smith, Mrs. B.-s.Yes,
/ and the poor little children. It is
terrible visitation. Will you be at the
funeral?" Mrs. 40. yes" Mrs.
B.-'.What are you going TO wearP"-
Epoch.
'.You shouldn't have taken No for
an answer SO readily, Charlie $ said his
more experienced friend; don't you
understand that girls No often
means .Yes'P'' "She didn't say No. !,
Jack" responded Charlie utterly with
out hope; '.she said Nav. ."'-Boston
Beacon.