Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1890-08-22
HIS Welded WIFE.

Shakespeare says something about
worms, OR it may be giants or beetles,
turning if you tread on them too severely.
The safest plan is never to tread on a
worm-not even on the last new subaltern
from home with his buttons hardly out of
their tissue paper and the red of sappy
English beef in his cheeks. This is the
story of the worm that turned. For the
sake of brevity we will call Henry Au
gustus Ramsay Faizanne "The Worm"
although he really was an exceedingly
pretty boy, without a hair on his face and
with waist like girls, when he came
out to the Second "Shikarris" and was
made unhappy in several ways. The "Shi-
harris" are a high caste regiment, and you
must be able to do things well-play
banjo, or ride more than little, or sing, OF
act-to get ON with them.
The Worm did nothing except fall off his
pony and knock chips out of gate posts
with his trap. Even that became monoto-
nous after a time. He objected to whist,
cut the cloth at billiards, sang out of tune,
kept very much to himself and wrote to
his mamma and sisters at home. Four Of
these five things were vices which the ''Shi-
harris" objected to and set themselves to
eradicate. Every one knows how subal-
terms are, by brother subalterns, softened
and not permitted to be ferocious. 1t is
good and wholesome and does no one any
harm unless tempers are lost; and then
there is trouble. There was a man once
but that is another story.
The ''Shikarris'' shikarred The Worm
very much, and he bore everything with
out winking. He was SO good and SO
anxious to learn, and flushed SO pink that
his education was cut short and he was
left to his own devices by every one except
the senior subaltern, who continued to
make life a burden to The Worm. The
senior subaltern meant no harm, but his
chaff was coarse, and he didn't quite I'M
derstand where to stop. He had been
waiting too long for his company, and
that always sours man. Also, he was in
love, which made him worse.
One day, after he had borrowed The
Worms trap for a lady who never existed,
had used it himself all the afternoon, had
sent note to The Worm. purporting to
come from the lady, and was telling the
mess all about it, The Worm rose in his
place and said, in his quiet, lady like voice:
''That was very pretty All; but Pll lay
you months pay to a months pay when
YOU get your step that work sell on you
that you'll remember for the rest of your
days, and the regiment after you when
YOU'RE dead or broke" The Worm wasn't
angry in the least, and the rest of the mess
shouted Then the senior subaltern looked
at The Worm from the boots upward and
down again and said: Ozone, Baby" The
Worm took the rest of the mess to witness
that the bet had been taken and retired
into book with sweet smile
Two months passed and the senior SUBJ
altern still educated The Worm, who be-
gan to move about a little more as the hot
weather came on. I have said that the
senior subaltern was in love. The curious
thing is that girl was in love with the
senior subaltern. Though the colonel said
awful things, and the majors snorted, and
married captains looked unutterable wis
dom, and the Juniors scoffed, those two
were engaged.
The senior subaltern was so pleased with
getting his company and his acceptance at
the same time that he forgot to bother The
Worm. The girl was pretty girl and had
money Of her own. She does not come into
this story at all.
One night at beginning of the hot weather
all the mess except The Worm. who had
gone to his own room to write home letters,
were sitting on the platform outside the
mess house. The band had finished play
ing, but no one wanted to so in. And the
captains wives were there also. The folly
of man in love is unlimited. The senior
subaltern had been holding forth on the
merits of the girl he was engaged to, and
the ladies were purring approval, while the
men yawned, when there was rustic OF
skirts in the dark and a tired, faint voice
lifted itself:
"Where's my husband?"
1 do not wish in the least to reflect on the
morality of the ''Shikarris," but it is on
record that four men jumped up as if they
had been shot. Three of them were mar
ried men. Perhaps they were afraid that
their wives had come from home unbe-
knownst. The fourth said that he had
acted on the impulse Of the moment. He
explained this afterward.
Then the voice cried: "Oh, Lionel!' La
onel was the senior subaltern's name. A
woman came into the little circle of light
by the candles on the peg tables, stretch
ing out her hands to the dark where the
senior subaltern was and sobbing. We
rose to our feet feeling that things were
going to happen and ready to believe the
worst. In this bad, small world of ours
one knows so little of the life of the next
man, which after all is entirely his OWL
concern, that one is not surprised when 9
crash comes.
Anything might turn up any day fol
any one. Perhaps the senior subaltern
had been trapped in his youth. Men are
crippled that way occasionally. We didn't
know: we wanted to hear, and the cap
tains' wives were as anxious as we. Ii he
had been trapped he was to be excused. fol
the woman from nowhere, in the dusty
shoes and gray travelling dress, was very
lovely. with black hair and great eyes full
of tears. She was tall, with fine figure
and her voice had running sob in it pitt
full to hear. AS soon as the senior sub
altern stood up she threw her arms round
his neck and called him ''ny darling" ant
said she could not bear waiting alone II
England, and his letters were SO short ant
cold and she was his to the end OF tn
world, and would he forgive her? Thi
did not sound quite like lady's way
speaking 1t was too demonstrating.
Things seemed black indeed, and the car
tains' wives peered under their eyebrow
at the senior subaltern, and the colonel
face set like the day of judgment frame
In gray bristles, and no one spoke for
| while.
Next the colonel said very shortly
"Well, sir?" and the woman sobbed afrest
| The senior subaltern was half choked wit
the arms round his neck, but he gaspe
out: "It's id liel never had wit
in my hfe!" "Don't swear" said the CO
| onel. "Come into the mess We must si1
| this clear somehow" and he sighed to hin
| self, for he believed in his "Shikarris," oil
| the colonel.
We trooped into the ante-room, undo
the full Lights, end Tiers XasaW hoW.lef'