Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-01-27

Death is frequent all around us. and
yet it does not seem to strike hat mid
night cat on your next door neighbours
fence.
Dude (to shop gir)-Lovely creature
| adore you. Do you give your love in
return? Shop girl-Of course, l do Any
thing else this afternoon.
Been playing with the landlords chill
dren, have yer? Well, don't get too inti-
mate with them. The next thing. they
will be coming in here asking for the
rent.
Charlie-Now l like a girl who Is open
hearted and frank in all things. | Ike a
girl whom l can take at her word. Mollie
(blushing)-That's what I'd like to have
you do.
Fond mamma-Why don't you take
your dollie with you to the tea party?
Little Dot don't fink dojlic would liz
folks to know Eat she haan't anything but
summer clothes.
The Weather Bureau has Invented a
new storm signal. II j. Of y,llow color
and denotes that the weather man feels
in his bones that something is going to
hippen soon.
Eather-Maria, has that Young man
gone away vet? NJ ri No, pa, he is just
proposing FatEer-Oh, all right (!
Maria proposing to 20. Father-Wel!
you tel hin /, yet
Very TAT 9entitman-Sonny, can you
tel me The quickest way l can get to the
station. Very naughty boy (after look
ing him "v, carefully)-I sud say your
b,tier a Gown n roll over bout twice.
Fp>t Young Lady of Di>tinction-My
ancestors came to this country a hundred
and fifty years ago. Second Young Lady
of DistinctIon-Mine did not find it nee
cessary to come to this country at all.
CollectOr-Mr. Rakin says he can't be
bothered to send me to ste you every
week about tina little bill. Customer
My compliments to Mr.. Rakin and tell
him every other week will do just as
well.
A Michigan man buried his wife, PIT
up Il maidstone, reprinted his house, mar
ri"d a second wife, and dug five acres Of
potatoes within seventeen days, and yet
he says he can't begin to hustle as his
father used to.
Farmer Oatcake at back Window
say, kin We tell me Mr.. Cashmore-Go
to the next window if you want any in
formation. Thunderation! I'd like to
know what you've got that sign Teller
over yer head for anyway?
For Hetven's sake, Robinson, look
here! That boy has broker through the
ice. Rnbinson-So he has! What in the
world IRE we going to do for him, Jones?
(To shivering INC exhausted boy)-Keep
cool, bub! keep cool!
Some boarders, said the landlady in an
offended tone, are hard t. please. l heard
young Grape complaining of a lack of
variety of food at the table this morning,
and | nave hash five times IA week. That
ought to be variety enough for any man.
Visitor-Your pastor seems to be Il
very earnest man. His voice trembled
with emotion when he read the lessons
this morning. Soprano-Oh, it wasn't
that; he had just had a row with the
choir leader, and he was mad clear
through!
A little six year-old lad, on returning
from Sunday school where the teacher
had heen e~ndeavoring to impress upon
the minds of the children some facts in
the life of Solnm m, was asked by his
father " hat the lesson was about. Oh,
about john L. Sullivan, was the ready
reply.
A speaker on he affirmative side of the
question, Resolved. that farming pays 10
Kansas, had just taken the ioor at the
me, ting of IL debating society out in
Western Kansas, when a fellow on the
negative side opened the stove door and
shoveled in three or four pecks of corn.
Marie-I am willing to marry you,
Charles. even if you are poor but do you
think you can take care of me, anyway?
Cha"les-Oh, darling by this strong right
arm raised to heaven 1 swear that | will
support you always, even if | nave to
take in washings for you to do. And
they were married.
Do you ever receive contributions
written on both sides of the paper" ask
ed Il gentleman, entering a newspaper
office. No, sir, never, emphatically re-
piled The editor. ALI right; was going
to ndorSe this check To ynnr order, but 1
don't want you to break your rules. Then
he went out leaving the editor in a deep
green study.