Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-10-23
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Possible Substitutc-Very Prom
ising "A Powerful Man - Her
GroundIess Fears-On the w atch,
Etc. Etc, Etc.

n
Wife (to her husband when you are
down town, John, step into the store and
ouy me some securing soap; there isn't
bit in the house.
Little Johnny Cooking up from news
paper he is reading)-Wouldn't posse be
good in place of soap9
"Posse! What do you mean~
"Why, the paper tells about train
robbery, and says posse is securing the
woods for robbers. 50 Texas Sifhngs.
VERY PROMISING.
81 hear" said his rich uncle to Deter,
that you are very promising young
man."
And Deter would have been highly
pleased if his uncle had not gone on to
say that Detter's tailor had told him So
Il Judge.
HER GRoUNDLEss FEARS.
Clara with emotion) George, are you
sure you will always love me?
George Qervently)--While life lasts,
my own.
Clara (suppressing teaD-George, if
trials and tribulations should come9-
George (amazed) My heart is yours
alone, my love, and always will be.
Clara (sobbing)--George, are you sure,
perfectly sure that nothing at
all, could cool your affections
George thoroughly alarmed-My
gracious! What's happened9 Has your
father failed?
Clara hysterically)-Worse. Far
worse.
George (much relievcd) me all,
my angel; l can bear it.
Clara with heroic effort)--George,
rve--Ive got "a boil coming on my
nose New York Weekly.
A POWERFUL MAN.
"The blacksmith is the only artisan
who can create an animate being" re-
marked Mr.. Shattuck.
"What can he create, I'd like to
know" asked Mrs. Shattuck.
''He can make the fire fly."-[ Chicago
Inter r-Ocean.
Wife-Did you notice Mrs. Summers
bonnet in church this morning?
Husband No, indeed. l was lost in
admiration of your own.-[ New York
Sun.
BETTER SUSPEND THE GIRL.
Briggs-I want some soiled neckties.
Astonished Clerk-Soiled neckties,
sir? Soiled, did you say2
R,i,rnc- rTbot,c what Whom Won oo III
on girl four times week and she's
making a crazy quilt, you will understand
that man has got to buy neckties at
job-lot prices or suspend payment
Clothier and Furnisher.
A BRILLIANT SCHEME.
Hostess-Dear me, the conversation is
tagging. What can we do to amuse oul
guests5
Host-I don't know, unless we leave
the drawing room for few minutes and
give them u chance to talk about u.s.
New York Sun.
PUNISHED BY PUNNING.
"This man stole an upright piano,
Judge"
"Well, certainly that is not grand
larceny, nor is it very petit bit of lar
ceny. Indeed, the man seems to be an
upright thief"
"Let up, Judge" said the prisoner,
"That's punishment enough. y Bazaar.
THE REAL SUFFERER.
Boy (who is about to be punished by
his teacher)-If you whip me, sir, it's
you who will be the sufferer and not I
Teacher-IIow so2
Boy-Because you are not strong
man, and if you exert yourself whipping
me you'll get as weak as a cat.-[Flic
gende Blatter.
WHERE LARDERs ARE FULL.
Young Tramp-Let's break into tho
kitchen of that big house tonight, and
get something to cat.
Old Tramp-We wouldn't find much
there. Them folks put on too much style
Get into the kitchen o steady-goin', ole
fashioned folks eff yer want ter strike
banquet. - Good News.
A LoNG-LIvED RACE.
Rumnose-Who says beer amt healthy
Look at the Germans2
Mrs. RI was not aware that the,
were exceptionally long Lived.
R.-That's cause you never read tn
papers. Look at this, ga German riff
company is soon to celebrate its 700tl
anniversary New York Weekly.
DECISION REACHED.
'Tis true she is rather antique,
And the bloom is all blown from he
chique,
But she's rich, so I'll wed her,
For anything's better
Than working for fourteen wique.
Her father may write me his cheque
For gold or of silver peque.
How gladly I'd use it,
But should he refuse it,
My hopes he will terribly wreque.
-[Chicago Post.
NOT "sELEoT" ENOUGH.
care you going to the Van Twiller'
tea on the 1Gth?"
ooh, no; that's one of their genera
affairs fo soIlare accounts They give