Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-04-13
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
Clock In City Hall-How a Woman
WhiIes Away Her Time-Some New and

| pleasant to possess as a distant relative who !
willing to die at appropriate moment ant
| leave you a cool million or SO. Doubtless thi
poor woman who inherited more money thai
she knew what to do with from man she hat
hardly known wore mourning for him in al
sincerity But could her flesh be blamed TO
rejoicing at the Punishment of poverty's crue
| counselors?
But it was not to philosophize on the effects
of q sudden access of riches that this story wa
begun. She built great house. furnished i
| sumptuously, and then went down to the drug
store. She bought no end of those curiousl.
| useless gimcracks which accumulate on drug
gist's counters, and last of all she said to the
young man with the well-oiled bang who wal
waiting upon her: "You may put up six OIL
seven of your best tooth-brushes, please
want one for each Of the spare roomsr'
WHY doesn't somebody sue the city for keep
ing a crazy clock in the tower OF City
Hallf 1t is a nuisance of the worst sort, and
one which affects almost everybody.
NAPOLEON recommended audacity as a use
full thing for a general or statesman to
have around the house. 1t has found favor in
the eyes of an upholsterer of whom have
heard tell
He sold mattress to lady who was furnish
ing new town house. The mattress was sup
posed TO be made of hair. When it was de-
livered, however, the fair housekeeper who
happened to be country-born fancied she smelt
about it a familiar odor, that reminded her of
haying time. The odor for once was distasteful
to indelcate nostrils, and she attacked the
mattress with a knife. Lo and behold! there
was a haymow, and not solitary hair to be
seen.
She sent for the upholsterer. He came and
almost shed tears over the haymow.
MADAM" said he, II will see to it myself
that you get a genuine hair mattress at once"
BY and by the second mattress came. 1t did
not smell of hay. Still subtle and perplex-
ing smell hung about the guaranteed article.
The fair housekeeper was puzzled, but she had
come to be suspicious of hair mattresses. Once
more she applied the knife to the ticking, and
opened corner of the mattress. This time
hair, genuine horse hair, revealed itself. But
more pungent and peculiar than ever, an odor
also came from the dark continent of the mat
tress Further investigation was imperative.
She ripped off the whole covering of the mat
tress and still undeniably real hair met her
eye everywhere. Casually her sleeve button
caught IN the hair, and as she raised it the
secret of the mattress and the odor came to
light There was nothing more than thin
layer over a substratum of rags, not too clean
rags at that.
She did not change mattresses any more.
She changed upholsterers. From which we
may conclude that audacity is not always
profitable in an upholsterer even in himself.
FATE is not always kind, and yesterday after
noon found myself in the heart of a dry
goods store in Allegheny with several hundred
infuriated female shoppers on all Sides
AS 7 xvac Ytrip I'M
position, 1 encountered a lady knew. She said:
This is Just dreadful! missed the 2 o'clock
train, and have had to put in an hour here al
most to while away the time"
why come here?' 1 asked, land how do you
while away the timer
"Oh, just looking at things" she answered.
'It's very tiresome, though" she added, as a
young woman deposited great pile of lace
goods in front of her.
"It must be expensive, too,'' remarked.
"Oh, dear. mol l don't think of buying any
thing, you know"
CNAKE stories are usually told by men. Man
seems to be privileged to see more snakes
than woman, although it will be remembered
that the first snake story of all was told by
Eve.
Still the narrator of the following scrap Of
veracious history was of the fair sex. She
said: About four miles from Lake Helen. in
Volusia county, Fla, there is a gloomy cypress
swamp, known as Deep creek. There is, prop
erly speaking, no road through this swamp but
it possible to drive through it. if one has lots
of nerve and a very high vehicle. The nerve
is needed because moccasin snakes make this
swamp their rendezvous, and your buggy must
be high because you have to drive through
water that at times is over the hubs. People
make the trip as they voluntarily go down into
the chamber of horrors at the Eden Musee.
Once had, the experience lasts lifetime.
"For about q mile and a half you drive be-
tween cypress trees that meet and interlace
above your head. 1t is dim twilight at mid
day, and the way is SO narrow that to get
through seems impossible. But the acute hor-
ror of the place lies not in the funereal light,
the great grim trees or the dark waters through
which the wheels churn their way. From the
big cypress trees hang innumerable moccasins.
Clinging by their tails they hang down till their
heads are low enough to touch the top of the
buggy That reminds me that it is advisable to
have the top up, unless you want sleepy moe
ASSN dropping into yourla every minute or So"
EVERYBODY who gets within 20 miles of Deep
- creek feels the fascination of the place, it
appears. Once couple, decidedly elderly, he
was over SU ana Sn6 WOulu never see ~ again,
heard of the wonderful cypress trees and their
weird decorations and came over to go through
Deep creek. They reached the place about
sunset, but in spite of the objections of the
man who drove their carriage they insisted on
making the passage.
They were horribly frightened for their pains,
and when they had traversed the mile and
half of swamp they otfe red the driver any sum
he liked to take them back another way. But
there was no other way. In the pitch darkness
the return trip was made. Just as they emerged
upon dry land they met four drunken men who
were bent upon crossing the swamp
ON ANOTHER occasion timid and extremely
nervous girl was bantered by her compan-
ions into the ordeal of Deep Creek
One of those who had teased her into the at
tempt went before her on horseback. She made
things worse, for she kept hitting the sleepy
moccasins with her whip, causing them to fall
upon the buggy in which her timorous friend
was following. The result was that the latter
tainted dead away before half the distance was
traversed, and they had dickens of time
getting her out of the swamp.
HEPBURN JOHNS.
Not Appropriately Named.
From the San Francisco Alta.1
n-t 3 -,,1Ia i,, nj