Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-09-19
How They Kiss the Blblo.


Q1t1ref.
How They Kiss the Biblc.
There are enough Bibles in the
Kings County Court House to fill a
small bookcase. Each court is sup
piled with number of them, although
| the lawyer OF, average intelligence has
always been puzzled to know why
there should be any occasion for so
many of the sacred books. 1t is a fact
we'll known around the building that
Bibles disappear the same as hats,
umbrellas. and other portable articles.
The Court House is freely patronized
by young men who take pattern after
the methods of the Artful Dodger in
"Oliver Twist" These young fellows
do not scruple to steal book even OF
such holy character as the Bible, es-
pecially if it be new, with nice covers
and gilt edges. The Bible which did
such excellent service in the Beecher
trial disappeared, and the gossipy
tongues of the court bailiffs have it
that it was stolen. However, it may
safely be laid down as an incontrovert-
ible fact that the Bibles used in the
but somebody walks away with them.
To guard against not having any
Bible ct all, the judges consider it
policy to order quantity at q time.
Thus their superfuous number is sat
isfactorily accounted for.
No two persons kiss the book alike.
The youth Of frivolous ways, light,
gay, and happy, gives the volume a
short, quick kiss; whereas. o sober
minded, slow-going man of business
gives the book q deliberate, audible
smack and feels easier in his mind and
conscience afterward. The fastidious
swell of swelldom, member Of the
400, don't cher know, kisses the sacred
book in the most delicate manner pos
sible and usually between the covers,
and he cannot. afford to take chances
of contracting sore lips. An Irish
woman always presses her lips rever-
emily to the Bible and grabs it with
both hands, as though by that extra
exertion she would make the oath more
binding. The bailiffs say they have
discovered that pretty girls are more
impulsive in kissing the Bible than
any other class of witnesses. They
invariably try to kiss the book before
the solemn visaged clerk has had time
to roll off his legal formula. OF course
the court officer, to prevent any in
fraction of the regular procedure, lays
his hand gently upon that of the fair
witness, and the result is talismanic.
The officers who help to hold the book
are no mean critics of female beauty,
and they may often be observed cast
ing sly glances ut the face of the pros
pective witness Brooklyn Eagle.
A Howline Dog.
An Acquaintance of mine, who trifes
with the bulls and bears down on Wall
street during the daytime and ut night
devotes himself to his family in little
cottage over in Brooklyn, not long ago
invested $50 in dog. 1t was docile
and intelligent animal, playful and
quiet enough in the daytime, but from
dark to daylight he would moan,
groan, bark and howl. It is said that
city people get used to all solts of dis
turbances &C night, but the dogs
neighbors proved the exception to the
rule, for they could not overcome their
attack of insomnia. Even the master
growled occasionally; but when he re-
membered that the dog cost $50, and
that his wife protested against the
purchase, he made light of the matter
and said nothing. Occasionally, how
ever, when the bowling became in
tolerable, my broker friend would ex-
postulate with the dog through the
medium of q barrel-stave, but without
lasting effect. At last the owner tried
to sell him, but the dogs reputation
had become too we'll known to all who
knew the master, SO he decided to give
him away. Soon after this determine
ton had been arrived at he encount-
cred on Broadway friend who lived
over among the marshes and mosqui-
toes of New Jersey, and to him the
broker presented the dog in neat
little speech, setting forth all the
charms and virtues, excepting it's
| vocal powers. The friend was de-
lighted and took the dog away with
him. A few days later the new owner
! OF the dog ran across the broker again.
| 10 the latter's surprise he grasped his
! hand warmly and exclaimed
"Old man, [ wouldn't take cool
hundred for that dog You gave me, and
have been offered that sum already.
| Tor the first few nights L had him I
! guess he missed his old Surroundings,
or he didn't like jersey air, for he
| howled numerically. But he has got
1 al over that now.
/ Glow in thunder did you manage??"
! exclaimed ihe broker.
/ "Why, every time he began to howl
l would go out and throw a bucket of
cold we'll water over him, and you
! know have got the coolest and sweet
! eft we'll water in New JERSEY. Well,
when he had licked himself dry, he
would commence it again, when I
/ would repeat the operation. We kept
itup three or four nights, but the dog
get tired Of the game first, or else he
fond out what the matter was. You
couldn't get him to howl now, even if
! yo walked all over his tail. "-NeaU
/ Yrk Star.
! Retired from Bulness.
$Oownton-How's this, Upton? I
4 T.