davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

THAT Miss Pawyer can't play the piano
any more than the average boiler maker. -
why, / thought she performed in SPLEEN
did time and taste"
Taste? That's just it. Why, in the
most interesting part of Mrs. Simpkins'
telling me how she did over her old bonnet
what did the hateful thing do but turn on
the soft pedal! And what could be in
worse taste than that"-Philadelph
Times.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Tommy down in the street)-Oh, pa, put
your head out Of the window a minute.
Pa quitting his head out 81 the window
What is 1t. Tommy
Tommy-Nothing, except l have got a
bet with Johnny Jones that your bald
place is bigger than his pas bald place.
Texas Siftings
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

u believe in men thinking of their
wives and trying to oblige Them" said the
man who had treated last. my wife regu-
arly says to me, I'D stay out half the night
il were you"
Welt"
"Pm proud to say I've never disappointed
her yet. "-Philadelphia Times.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Anything else today, madamp asked
the storekeeper, gleefully rubbing his
hands, after she had selected quantity Of
goods. "Can l not do something more for
your"
Yes" she said. you can charge these. :"
-Munsey's Weekly.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

whatever you do" said the old medi-
cal practitioner TO the young man who was
Just entering the profession, don't get dis
Outraged"
"You mean must have patients, pre-
sume," said the young man, who was of a
practical turn Of mind.-Washington Post.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21
Turning the Tables.

Young Parson-Agnes, will you marry
mey
Agnes-I am very sorry, Mr.. Foster, but
I can't. I'll tell you, though-you can
marry me. Jack and are going 10 an
nOunce our engagement at once, and we
will call upon you in the fall.-Munsey's
Weekly
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

81 haven't been at all well for some
time" said Smylkins. my doctor assures
me that there is reason for my being
alarmed"
"And aren't your"
mot in the least. When | realize what
kind of weather it is, and then think of be
ing packed carefully in cracked ice life
becomes a positive MISUNDERSTANDING
Post
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

The professors wife complained that on
a recent visit of curiosity to the new ceme-
terry he did not 20 with her
But you must come with me some
time, won't you, dearf" she said wheed-
Engly.
Il shall take the greatest pleasure in do
ing so, love. And what is more, do not
put it off too long, either. philadelphia
Times
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Harry-Now, Jack, stand up and tell our
guests what you know-it won't take you
very long
Jack-Pn tell them what we both know
it won't take me any longer.-Yeno-
wines News.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Augustus-But, Clara, ice cream at dol
lar plate is pretty.expensive.
Clara (haughtilyl-That is enough, sir.
do not. believe you are plumber ut all.
-Yenowine's News.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

II heard compliment for you last
night, Miriam"
What was it, LizetteS"
"Col Bronson said you were exceedingly
we'll preserved. life.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Prison Missionary-My poor fellow, what
IRE you in here for?
Prisoner-For not havin' enough political
to git me out-Life.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

She-Isn't il about time, Dick, that we
broke our engagement?
He-Why is itS
She-Because every one has stopped talk
ing about it.-Munsey's Weekly.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

why is it that women always carry
their wallets in their handsY"
u suppose it is because they wish their
hand sought after. "-Boston Courier
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

"wnl you review my text book" asked
one author of another.
with pleasure, my dear fellow" was
the brother authors reply, ''if only you
won't ask me to read it, Bonneville Jour
NJ al
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

80 she said she would be a sister to your
What did you sayY"
VI told her Il wouldn't work, and she
list
And shef"
'she got mad. New York Herald
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

81 have to work like beaver in sum-
mer.p
Happy man"
"whyi"
Beavers don't have to work very hard
in summer The straw hat has the biggest
contract. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Fred-The idea of Ben blowing into a
loaded gum He must have lost his head
Henry-He did, old fellow, when the gun
went off.-New York World.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Mrs Ysrger-What makes you look So
sulky?
Servant (scowling furiously)-No wonder
IlooksulkA Here you are going out again
in thatdress which you promised me when
you don't wear it any more,-Texas sitt-
ings.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Lacy-Are you not rather small for q
Nurse?
bridget-Qh, that won'tmake no differ
snce, num- the baby i'll hurt hisseh less
"hen let hinffall, -Harper's Bazaar.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Fangle-why does Van Dauber paint all
his angels blondesT
Fadman-Can't imagine. Van Dauber's
own wife is a brunette, too.-Dry Goods
| Chronicle.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Sadie (after the visitors had goney-Say,
mamma, keep them on little while.
Keep what On, dearS"
Your company manners. Life.
Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-08-21

Indette-Yes, Pm getting tired of this
single life l think I'll get married and
settle down.
Merrltt-What's the matter with set
Ting up firstS-Lawrence American,
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
The Ladies', Club.

No, woman has not yet reached full
understanding of the duties and privi-
leges of clubdonl. There is the most
prominent of all female clubs, the New
York Ladies' Club In the first place
they have no bar. Now club without
a bar is no club at all. If you can not
rally round jorum and proclaim with
all the melody in your power that you
won't go home till morning, what is the
use of paying initiation fees and yearly
dues? Then these impracticable females
imagine that clubs are places where you
meet to improve your mind. Now
the genuine club men have little or no
mind to improve. During the winter
one evening a week is to be set apart in
the Ladies' Club for lectures and similar
intellectual entertainments. What a
bowling desert a real club would become
ii this innov ton wer, t. he iIirn luced
there! GosSi,, aud scandal, anay ,'eab!e
and gen;l...nl:iiy cur snip of the man
ners and mora $ OF Our n.igib ,rs only
such mil tiNeI upon the iite. i NICE as
these are ctlcu',ted to flourish il the
true club xtinoSpiere. The lad a.; !ave
made IL H. II u;. hut tie. lave much
to learn - t U:,l arm i,efor.- IA =. be-
Come c.'..,.i e We pie. + II: II tt
Americ
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
Closing the Saloons.

q everybody followed my example, !"
announced an enthusiastic temperance
advocate recently, "every saloon in the
city would be closed before the end Of
the month.
SLOWS tElat?" asked rubicund faced
orator who hal not before spoken.
"They would close from lack of pat
ronage, sir. I never drink.
+ see. lean goyoI one better, though.
If every body followe my example every
saloon in the city would close before
next Saturday night. !"
Flows that2" asked the temperance
advocate eagerly.
"They would run out of stock "-TChi-
caoo Herald
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
A Woman'S Discovery

'Another wonderful discovery has been made
AID that too by lady in this county. Disease
a ened its clutches upon her and for seven
Vars she withstood its severest tests, but her
tal organs were undermined and death seem
81 imminent. For three months she coughed
li.'.essantly and could not sleep. She bought of
us bottle of DR.. Kings New Discovery for
Consumption and was so much relieved on
t,king first dose that she slept all night and
With one bottle she has been miraculous sly
,-ured. Her name is Mrs. Luther Lutz." Thus
" tes w. C. Hamrick & Co., of Shelby, N. c..
- free trial bottle at V. o. Thompson 8
rug Store.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
Pra,.inp the New.paper.

A very satirlcsl form of expression,
which most of us have used i'll our school
days. consists in making serious state
ment, with the addition, Sover the left "
This indicates that the declaration was
not to. be taken for the truth. Left
handed compliments" are of the same
nature, and though they may be limo.
Gently intended steep the soul of those
who receive them in sadness and morti-
fcation. A certain editor says that he
has recently been afflicted with more
than his share.
MY husband has been threatening to
stop your paper. said a lady to him one
day, "but l wouldn't hear of it for a
moment.
II am delighted, said the gratified
newspaper man.
"Its the best shape in the world for
patterns, continued she. "And then it
never tears. Now the Mercury is just as
large, but very thin and f1imsy."
Not long after the same editor received
a letter from friend ut IA distance. be-
ginning with the sentence, Il fully believe
your paper has saved my life. F."
Who would not have read further in
pleased anticipation? Yet this was what
followed:
Yesterday took long drive into the
country. The morning was fine, but at
noon terrible east wind came up, and
began to chill me to the bone Last
spring, if you remember, l was ill with
pneumonia. and my lungs have since
been delicate. What could do without
extra wraps, in my thin spring overcoat?
I called at farmhouse, and asked for
an old newspaper. One was given me
bearing the familiar imprint of your Of
flee. l laid it across my chest, buttoned
my coat over it, and drove on triumph
antly."
And now if this editor is, by some
happy chanc told that he has a good
paper, he replies, whimsically, well,
yes, it's a good large paper.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
lSs Ihl1t l. abb. fse.cu%,

Is Mi hi,l Curtain, Plaintirli. H.. max es
latem Int THAI she c;,nght cold, whicii set
/ on her 'un.ss; she. was treated FIR a nu,it i,
~, Elui !, p 1s-,.ian. l.ir grew W rs. lie
,. her he vas IL ii"i,rir.s victim If c-:!sli,n;
2 and l.,.t 40 III. ji-ine COLL cure her, lie
.sSist suggested r, X ng'> NV Disc very
:, disruption he b,u s:tt II bottle. aud To
deii-ht f,,,., d ers.lf benefited rim fist
= - e .'",.tt:li.'i is use, and after taking
battles found II. fser und and well. taos
: lie: "wn hour. w,,rk !. Il l. W II u. size -
vas. Free trial hottie, .f tins q eat bis
-, al Or =. Thompsons drag store,
Z bot, e : 81 CENTS n Il 81
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

m. T,tuptau-, p,Sim stsr ''f iituviIl-, Ind !,
fEltc;ric BITE rs has i,a.e more tor
a all other nI.di iii eS coiutin.d tfr that b. d
.,ng arising tom kidrey ami Live trouble"
~ Il Leslie, farmer and stochmai.. of same
.l:,.a, says: Find Electric Bi,ters 10 the best
. ney and Liver medicine made, made me
like new man" j. ". Garol er, Last
'4e merchant. $ me town, say: Ell ctrtc
=. Is IS Jisst the thing i"r . man " o is all
l,wn and cont care. v itvth.-r lac lives
lie found new strength, good srretite
Felt just Ike he hat! new lease Of lie.
~ 80 cents bottle at pr. V. o. Thompson's
ri'r sto:e
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
The vercict Unanimous.

W. y. Suit. rngg's.. Bip;4,s, M, t,stfies.
e res uiln II FL, ctris BIT Ter, as the very
Jest fen.dy. livery bottle sviu has given re-
lief in every case. One man took six bottles,
and was cured of rheumatism of 10 years
standing" Abraham Hare, Druggist, Belle
vile, Ohio, affirms: 'eThe best selling medi-
cine have ever handled in my twenty years
experience is Electric Bitters." Thousands of
others have added their testimony, so that the
verdict is unanimous that Electric Bitters do
cure all diseases of the Liver, Kidneys or
Blood. Only a half dollar bottle at v. o.
Thompson's Drug Store.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
A SOund Lepal OniniOn.

Z. BaInbridgc Muuday ESQ, County Atty
lay Co., Tex. says: Have used Electric Bitters
Wi most happy results. My brother was very
low with Malarial Fever and Jaundice, but
cured by timely use ofthis medicine. Am
at; led Electric Bitters saved his life"
Dir. D. /. Wilcoxson, of Horse Cave, KY, adds
like testimony, saying; He positively believes
hn would have died, had it not been for Elec-
trie Bitters.
This great remedy will ward off, as well as
Ire all Malarial Diseases, and for all Kidney
uyers and Stomach Disorders stands unequal
l-... Price soc and ST.. at v o Thompson's
drug store
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
Catarrhal Deafness-Hay Fever.

uTerers are not generally aware that these
: .ases are contagious, or that they are due to
.rs parasites in the lining membrane OF the
md eustachan tubes. Microscopic re-
ar h. however, has proved this to be fuct,
i,i'i .ne result of this discovery is that Il simple
r..I' b. |, has been formulated whereby catarrh.
= rhai deafness and hay fever are perma-
,.. :, cured in from one to three simple appii-
49,. made at home by the patient &c in two
\.
% nlent: both hifve been discarded by reputsi-
"a" i'livSicanS as injurious. A pamphlet eApiiGu-
a. ths trc:' i sent receipt of )
r..i> to pay p.,staa. -, \. II. D,x u san .a37
IL, 3s9 Mc.t KIN: street, Torunto, Canaia.-
hs stiau il dcoco3c.
c, Terers from, Catarrhal troubles ) ,L.l care
reit,i l.. above.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
IS THE EYE.
Ohio

cleveland Ohio.
"This jolly jaunty journal holds the
mirror up to nature and reflects in its
wise and witty pages every thing about
everything, from the elegant extrava
gances of Euclid avenue to the humber
happenings of lowlier localities. 1t for
gets nothing and remembers every
thing When it is right to boom a
thing, it booms it; when thing ought
to be sat on, it is sat on.
"Its circulation is 900 copies.
at could claim more, but it don't. It
finds that enough lying is done in the
world without lying about calculations;
consequently it doesn't claim to have the
uext highest circulation to the Jew
York Herald, OF a million week, or
anything of that kind
Those who know it, and those who
hate it, fear it
1.-The only question it can not settle is
who likes it better-its readers or its
advertisers; both classes find that it pays
to use it. Ell. S. SUTTON.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
Typographical.

First Printer-What are you saving
your money for, Bill?
Second Printer am going to get my
wife a new hat?
"What! you amt reformin,' are you,
Bill?"
No; but Pm bound to give my wife
display head for once in her life. -
burlington Free Press.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
The Wisdom of Solomon.

1H6 "IbUU" Oh SOIOInOn
Wibble-If Solomon had seen the dude
he would have been forced to admit that
there was something new under the sun.
Wobble-Oh, no. The dude may be
new, but he is nothing. indianapolis
Journal
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

If there is one man more than an
"ther who likes to get his friends into
box, it is the under taker-Light.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
The DeaF Gfrla

Ma.:d-Cn onel Soanso is very POLITE
man
Ethel What makes you think SO?
Maud : Nh.n he SAN you an Your
sister Clara II the ball las. mig. he ;:.I
which l., the youn. RI instead r. Mel.
Is the cider! us 1T CT men tto. 4 Epocu.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
he Goes to Church.

Woggsy How do you buy your
music?
Boggsy my wood, by the chord
Woggsy Il prefer to get mine like my
note paper. by the choir. New York
herald
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

Moihe.'-.: 'iIA-,y, yo., sal! ynu' IN
to Sunday sci:n j.
Johnny It'll i farawav ioo'l) - III.
10th ri w los it l,ipp IA. : Il.
Al I'll $ n,l Ii ~.
Jo,; .v-L-. carried home !, Il y
sc Sab. p. ;..,'--.:n' tn on. )
al! az j aa I an IN wha..
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

Supreme court d.cisian- Getting
rried.-E:rchange.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
CATARRH,

Uneasy rests the toe that wears the
c., n.--Pharmaceutical Era.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
Our American Girls.

En-. Ii ;iinI:ii-H Nv dist nc ly your
Amer. can CIR : s.'ea.! What is the cause
of Il? Crelr :: On -,vR
= - ..-.S; e1:.m /. s.iia IA. oils
four.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

kiauics do n"l lie but Tia some
IS f,ure-D,Iias Netes
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
Wanted: Bids for Telephone
P0leSl

1hs SSdersignsd desires 10 make contra for
the immediate delivery Of the following bill IT
chestnut p'les as per the attached .p 'cih-,t"Aa:
50 poles 80 feet long, 80 poles 40 feet ling. 70
poles 80 feet long, 80 poles IS feet long. All
specified above, and not less than six nor over
seven inches in diameter at the small end, to
BE- properly barksd, butted and trimmed; rea-
sonably straight and free from knots and deliv-
cred At the depot in Winston Salem. The
right to reject any Or all bids 10 reserved
Give specific price fur each size Of pole and state
hev soon they can he delivered.
Address &. E. McCLUER,
eup'k %. Bell Tel. Co., Richmond. Va.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
wrath turned Au

/ Mere amt (angrily. as 81 ~ Hers iir =.
hours :ai Where ii the ,.a -
Clcr, ...r, "a 90 cent cigar.
Merchant toatiluing)- sense %
yo:i huy ) CHI goo cigars ?-l Epoc
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
>h. Had One tn Mind.
Insult to Injury,

First Boarder-- You are sure this Is
your flute? sass
Second Why, Of course.
Don't play on it every night7
First Boarder-That was why asked.
You seem to be SO imperfectly .,c-
quainted withikt
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

A Love-sick love you
--only you" She-"What, little me?''
'arrot in disgust -"Cofins for three.
please"
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

change for advertising; nothing but the
shard pan.
An Ohio Eye sees wealth around, and
reaches out for it in this manner:
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

4They have one law for the poor anL
one for the rich.
@Oh, comel That's all can't
All cant. is it3 Show me the time
when Cornelius Vanderbilt or Mr.. Astor
has been sent up for vagrancy. -[New
York Sun
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
ART IN ADVERTISING.
Some Specimens of the Way Adopts At.
tract Attention to Their Wares

IF you don't toot your horn there
won't anybody foot it for you" is /, tru-
ism both the publisher and the public
realize. And when that horn is footed
in the most artistic manner. then the
climax of successful advertising is sup
posed to be reached. The individual
whose business it is to write advertise
nients for other people ought to be able
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06
IT II Might Take.

Dotkins WHAT'S lie -t,:ittpi Wit, Sis
feI Nellie? She < queer
Mann Ina lin d Ii 5 ,u,ttd lont) Oh
shes in love Il gam: This Is the ti,iId t.lne
and she's got ii Lad
DotkH,s Why don't you iiav. i..i vac
cinatcd so she can't catch il? FJu,l 90.
She Had One la Mind.
Mrs ,Sculduiore. Dearest, WHIT liz. you
want for birthday ,sent1
Mr.. Scoldmore OR, give me IL rest
Mrs. sc.,ldmore will dear. There
are some beautiful ones on PlpI,any's
brio brac counter. and they are only
S12 each. = Jewellers Weekly.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

to manufacture an A No. 1 article for
himself. A few specimens of the ability
of the newspaper man in this direction
are herewith appended:
I'm God we trust: everybody else q. o. D."
"THE EYE
is five column quarto, published at
Dexter, Kansas.
"Ihe Eye is Independent in politics.
1.-THE Eye is the organ of the editor.
1.-THE Eye is specially published for the
benefit of people now ON earth.
"The Eye could claim circulation of
1000 600. but that would be lie.
"The Eye hardly ever tells lie.
1.-THE Eye believes in fighting for
home, working for home. and, if neces-
sary, will lie like blazes for home.
1.-The Eye acknowledges no master but
the Optician. 1t don't care continental
which party wins SO long as the dollars
come in. 1t speaks its sentiments
whether anybody's corns are trodden
upon or not. The sole and only object
of its existence is to raise hades and
make money. The Optician does not
expect this advertisement to increase
the patronage of his paper, but simply
publishes it in order to get Geo. P. Row.
ell & Co. into trouble.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-11-06

We also call the attention of the public
made clothing. The largest stock in the
Now is your time to lay in = supply Of 81
goods will be 4 great deal higher later on
tariff bill.
Nc Fine Clothing our specially.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1890-05-01
Short Girls as Kissers.

Little women, as a general thing,
have the better of it, as far as kiss.
ing q man is concerned, because
they have to reach up. That gen.
orally necessitates putting a hand
on each shoulder, and the human
representative of a Newfoundland
dog is charmed to his soul because
he thinks the little woman likes
him SO much. The woman who
has to reach up to 8 man can al
ways control him. Her size &C.
quits her of her folly, and he is
certain to regard her as a dear lit
tie thing and never see her Noah.
;avellian schemes for ruling him.
Look at Cleopatra; she was little.
Helen of Troy barely reached to
the shoulders of the man who
loved her, and in later days Cath.
arine of Russia and Mary Stuart
were both slender and rather
small. Yes, sir, the small woman
is certain to win, and Pm not sor-
ry I'm small, writes Pansy Bios
som to the New York Morning
Journal.