The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-04-26
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Number of Points Which the East Ca
Not Duplicate.


DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LoADED.-Smith
& Davis minstrels were billed for an
entertainment at Montezuma Hall last
Friday night, but it didn't come off.
Instead of that the whole gang stepped
off. They came here with the avowed
intention of doing business without the
aid of the Kicker. None of them called
at the Office and they had no courtesies
to extend. We advised the people to
stay away. On Friday morning, seven
members of the gang entered our office
to demand satisfaction. They didn't
know it was loaded. 1t was, however,
and when it went off some of the bird
shot got in on each and every one of the
gang, and we had to tap one of the end
men with an ax-helve in addition. We
haven't any one in this town who makes
a specially of digging lead out of the
human system, and at noon they started
for Tombstone to give a man there 4
weeks job He jacket! which is Next
can for saying: "The Kicker is always
loaded"
WE ToLD You So.-Six weeks ago a
man named Scott opened grocery store
on Comanche street, and when we casu-
ally dropped in and mentioned the fact
that the Kicker was the best advertising
medium in the West, he didn't enthuse.
We knew there was something wrong
about him, and we sent his description
to the siXty-four sheriffs and chiefs of
police who are constantly in commune
cation with us. Last Thursday, just
after we had gone to press, detective
arrived from Louisville and collared Mr.
Scott, who is defaulting county treas
urer. He has leftus, and we bought tht
stock of groceries at about twen5y-tw
cents on the dollar. Had Mr.. Scott az
vertised he would doubtless have butt
up large and profitable business; hut
he took q wrong view of it and will
probably go to State prison for fifteen or
twenty years.
Poor OLD PALsY.-We never refer to
our contemporary down the street il we
can avoid it. In the first place he hasn't
got enough brains or office to deserve
the title, and in the next he is poor,
palsied old man who is gradually dying
of envy and starvation, and we shall
have to foot his burial expenses when
he does 90. Tho other week we men
toned our private graveyard and its five
occupants. This SO excited the jealousy
of the old relic of the seventeenth cen
fury that he borrowed a revolver and took
a trip around town yesterdayin search Of
blood. He finally found one of Colonel
McCracken's Digger Indians asleep in
the sun and opened fire on him from a
distance of four feet. He didn't even
wake the redskin up, and Judge Tall
man, who objected to so much noise
around his house, went out and drove
poor old palsy away with broom.
We are sorry for him. They say he
cried while going back to his one-horse
alleged newspaper, and no wonder. He
should never have come West, He
came, as we ascertained, to evade ar
rest for bigamy, but he should have
taken some other route. When nature
fits man to raise hollyhocks in New
Jersey, he has no business coming vast
to try to raise that other product.
Nor HIS FAULT.-A number of our
towns-people have expressed the hope
that we would pitch into DR.. Staghorn,
the popular druggist, for killing old
man Slew by putting up arsenic for quiz
nine in a prescription. We shall do
nothing of the SORT. Tho doctor has not
only increased his advertising one-half
this week, but has subscribed for five
copies of the The Kicker to send away.
While this of course does not influence
us in the least, we know from personal
observation that the doctor is very
busy man, and that tho room in his
store is limited. He has no choice but
to keep many different sorts of powders
in the same drawer and it is only to be
expected that mistake should happen
now and then.
Furthermore, who was old Slew, any
how? A lazy, dissipated vagabond,
whom the boys would have hung in the
course OF a few weeks at best. In foot
ing his funeral expenses the doctor
has shown himself very liberal and fair
and he has shown himself in
various ways that he belongs to that
class wanted in this town to build it I'D.
No EXTRA CHARGE.--In this issue wo
publish the full particulars of two exc.
cutions, one Jail delivery, three shooting
nffrays, one highway robbery, two fist
fights, three dog fights, one found dead,
a drowning accident, the arrest of road
agent, the deaths OF two Mexicans in
the late blizzard and the stealing OF
Judge Sprouts four-mule team.
The thing down the street which calls
itself a newspaper, and talks about its
press and its wild-eyed corps
of editors from New York, has, to match
all this, cooked-up account of fight
between a jackass rabbit and govern
ment camel, with its editor for the sole
spectator and reporter. Is it any won
der that the people of Arizona can't
wait for the Kicker to be issued each
week, and that dozens Of them roost on
our door-steps all night Wednesday
night to get copies the first thing Thurs
day morning? All this and no extra
charge, and no hand-bills out announc-
ing that anything unusual was going on!
Detroit Free Press.
Romance of Moiar.
II any one is casting about for plot