The Worthington advance., 1890-07-31
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


get shot in the back.-Texas Siftings.
We saw a bald-headed man in the
very last row, but it was at church, not
the opera.
Spontaneous combustion is some-
times caused by an accumulation of
oiled rags and sometimes by collection
Of insurance policies. ."-Elmira Gazette.
Miss Plaingirl-"I sometimes fear
that he doesn't love me; yet he kissed
me last night" Miss sPrettypert-'Then
you may rest assured that he loves you"
IN. Y. Sun.
Mother (of spoiled child)-''I am
greatly obliged to you for bringing my
little boy back" Organ Grinder-'I
fraida he teacha munka bada tricks. -
N. Y. Weekly.
-Snooper-''It's no wonder they are
always finding microbes, bacteria and
such things in France" Simeral -
''Why?" Snooper-''Because France is
just the place for Parasites"
The Young Veteran Smithers?
S,nithers is retired artist" Retired
artist, oh? Why, he is only twenty
eight years old.' ''That may be-; but
you don't have to be very old to retire
from art.-Puck.
The scene is a Roman studio: "How
do you know that old fellow is an Amer
ican?" because he asked the price Of
of that Madonna. Any other but an
American would have asked who painted
it."-Society.
Judge of my horror, madame, as
yesterday caught my little Otto, aged
three, in the act of tearing my newly
written poems into Fragments" Lady
''What! Can the little fellow read?'-
Journal Amusant-
1t is not impossible to say many
more original things about original
sin, and the fashionable preacher would
DO we'll to pound some of the fashiona-
BILE sins of fashionable sinners of the
present time.-N. O. Picayune. &.
-A-"A more deserving medical man
He very frequently accepts no fees from
his patients!" B.-"You don't say so?'
A.-"For he generally settles with the
heirs."-Fliegende Blatter.
The academy committee have .
grudge against you, haven't they?" asked
one disciple of the brush Of . brother in
art. why, no. They accepted my ma
rine." $50 I saw. If they were we'll
disposed they would have it sent back. "
-"Did you ever see any thing like
this name?' said clerk in railroad Of
fee. Its Russian, isn't it?" II don't
know what it is; but it looks - If two
sections Of the alphabet had run into
each other and got telescoped. ."-Wash-
ington Post .-.-, *....... .
Miss Goodley-''I do not think 20
much of Jack Rounton as did, Miss
Galee-"Why not?'' II went to church
with him last night and he volunteered
to find the text" "Well. what has that
to do with it?" 20, nothing, except
that I can't say that l have much re-
spect for q man who hunts for the Epis
tie to the Romans in the Old Testa
ment. IN. Y. Sun.
-"What must do to awaken = true
appreciation of my work?" asked . poet,
speaking to publisher that has just
brought out an edition of Ibsen. "You
must write dramas without beginning
and without an end-dramas from which
the principal characters disappear, with.
out warning, never to be heard o1
again II have done that - said the
poet, .''and yet no howl is raised over
my work. What else must 1do?' .'You
!, must sit down and wait until you are
sixty years old. " "But suppose should
not be recognised even after have Ct,
!, tained that age?'' ''Well, II you arc not
you Will then know that you sro . 1ail,
Iu1Q.s-A1kanooW Travollos, @..