The Delta independent., 1890-03-18
AnI SORTS.
How the F'unny Men Arc Earning
Their Money.

AH-AH-T-CHEWI
A rackIng pain runs through my brain,
As though my skull wound rend, sir
I sneeze, choke, my back is broke;
Can this be intluenzaS
My eyes are red, I'm nearly dead;
l wish this cold would mend, sir;
With each fresh breeze madly sneeEe;
. cursed influenza!
" was Russil's car who from afar
This curse to us lid send, sir,
And on la grippe our tongues do slip,
But stick on influenza.
-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
The milk delivered to the factory
ought to be in good condition. That
is square.
There is one part of the farm that is
not benefited by drainage-the ma
nure heap.
Patti has one thing in common with
the Chicago girl-she can spread her.
self over a large area. - Baltimore
American.
Yonkecs has a musical prodigy. He
is twelve years old and hates the
sound of tin horn.-N. Y. CONNER
cial Advertiser.
The cable is great invention. It
enabled New York to sneeze as soon as
the influenza appeared in London
Milwaukee News.
Briggs-Wonder what possessed him
to jump into the river7
Braggs-There was woman at tho
bottom of it, believe.-Terre Haute
Express.
He-Why should You be so angry at
me for stealing just one little kiss?
She-Any self respecting woman
would be angry with man who kissed
her Just once.-Dramatic Critic.
A ton of limburger cheese was re-
Gently shipped west from the factory
at Pamela -Four Corners. Yet manu-
facturers complain that they are not
making scent.-Statlord Herald.
Mr.. Waldo (of Boston)-Will You
lave some of the cheese, Miss Breezy?
Miss Breezy Ga guest from Chicago)
oh, thanks awfully, Mr.. Waldo,
believe you may pass me small hunk.
-Epoch.
People who say policemen are never
on hand when fight is going on
SANDER the force. There was q prize
fight once and policemen seemed to
manage the show.-New Orleans
picayune.
Doctor-"Ah, yes; see you have
iung trouble"
Patient (bopcless consumptive)-
"Excuse me, doctor, but it strikes me
that it's no lung trouble. e."-Kearney
Enterprise.
One merit of Wagner.-"How did
you like the Wagner operas, Clara"
81 enjoyed them immensely. The per-
son back of you who always huns an
opera gets left when it comes to Wag-
ner. ."-Chicago Herald.
Fame may be ornamental, but it
isn't much use to the man who has TO
hustle seventeen hours out of the
twenty-four for his daily bread, with
pie never any nearer than the horizon.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
A good thing can be carried too far.
A Boston man who had been told that
he was about to die asked the doctor
for his bill, saying that he did not wish
TO depart from his lifelong rule, "Pay
rs you Rome Sentinel.
In the Black Maria: Tags-"Wot
makes you sit up SO kinder stiff an un-
sociable!" Rags, loftily- "Why, l
amt NO common bloke, amt. Mr..
Vangoulderbilt had me arrested for
beggin' !''-Munsey's Weekly.
A broad hint: Landlord to depart
ing guest al trust may rely upon
your recommending my establish
mcnt?" Guest-"I don't happen to
nave at this moment mortal enemy
N the world!"-Humoristiche Blae.
.cr.
"Love is blind" Nonsense! Just
bay little attention to some other
woman, and the woman who loves you
will see it even if the transaction oc-
Gus ten miles away, with half hum
ired brick walls intervening.
Transcript.