The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1890-10-05


to. For six months my right hand was
in the air all the time, it seemed to me,
and my neighbors ali have been real
good about swearing to things. have
changed works with some of them that
way, swearing to their things, you see.
where they was old comrades like, and
they swearing to mine in return.
Zone man-rl never forget his kind.
ness to me-swore that he was at the
auger when it struck me. He gave the
date and everything, all the circum-
stances regarding the case, and said that
after midnight they had invested some
two thousand anger holes in the floor
and extended them into the atmosphere
above, when he was called upon to act.
He said he took the anger with heavy
heart, but made last appeal, hoping to
bore into the barrel and fill washtub
which was held in place by two sad
eyed boys, who had been whooping of it
up the night before and so pined now
for something to moisten their mouths,
which, as they expressed it, had flavor
which reminded them of basket of
pups.
''He said he all at once heard yell,
which turned the hairspring in his
watch perfectly white. He jerked the
auger out. and, according to his sworn
testimony, on the end it had frag-
ment of an old army shirt and birth
mark which he recognized, saying to
those about him, My God! we have
bored into the commissary assistant; let
US begone without delay
"After such testimony as this thought
would only have to establish my own
identity, and assert on oath that my Vi
tails are constantly exposed to the night
air, and my finer feelings are liable at
any moment to fall out and be appropri-
ated by others. ! did so state to tho
commissioner of pensions, who replied
in a fiippant way, referring me to the
bureau of vital statistics, and stating
that friend of his had just perfected an
awning TO be worn over such apertures
to keep the works of those who had been
bored into in that way from getting
freckles on them.
80 have mortgaged my place, think
ing it was perfectly safe to do so, and
that beneficent government would
listen to my sorrows and pity my great
misfortune. But the surplus has came
and it has went away, and | am left
here on my mortgaged farm, trying to
raise the mortgage with one hand and
hold my pancreas in with the other
while you people at Washington, full Of
fun, good victuals and high purposes
sit there on the woolsack, as it were
ready to burst with Ill concealed laugh
ter every time display my wound.
DOG on such a government, say, ani
Isayit fearless, too. Who cares Il tinker.
mill site for mirth and multiplication
tables and mean temperature and thu
mortality among microbes when folk
are suffering on every hand? You seen
to think you are saving the great ship o
state by asking me to state on oath tina
am in debt, and not only crafty th
idle and venomous curiosity of your oil
senseless burro that hasn't been abl
yet to count a single town correct sine
l knew it, but then you must also com
and ask me to swear tomy shame, an
make oath publicly to. my totterin
, credit.
! go TO. you old intellectual pus cay
, ity! Go home, you old stirling ass, an
! put bread-and-milk poultice on you
> morbid curiosity. Get out! Avaunt! an
|, don't W Este any time about it. Go HON
and tell your folks to bar the door whe
/ they see the fatigued Washington foe
killer coming. Tell them | said so!'
,
, There are others. many others. tina