The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-17
"A LITTLE NONSENSE"

-"Whar's Bill?" "Gone ter Heaven,
I guess" "Dead?' Guess SO. Tried
to ride my broncho." "Whar's he
buried?" "Ain't buried. He never
come down."-N. Y. Sun.
Mr.. Harbosh-''So you desire a po-
sition as groom. What have you been
employed at recently?" ApSlicant-"Hi
ave bin teachin' Hinglish pronunciation
to some dudes, your ighness Mum
sey's Weekly.
"A Dangerous Symptom. She II
am feeling very bad. Something f1ickers
before my eyes all the time" He
Great Christopher Columbus, she is
hunting for another diamond ring
Texas Siftings.
Miss Kennelworth-"He's q very
pretty collie, but I don't see why he
wags his tail up and down instead Of
sidewise." Mrs. Morris Parke-"The
poor thing has always lived with US in
our Harlem fat, and that's the only way
he could wag it-"-Puck.
MIR. Blunderheels, doesn't my sing
ing weary you9" ION the contrary, Miss
Psly, l am charmed. Your voice is so
clear, so flute-like." Uater in the even
ing.) What is your favorite musical
instrument, Mr.. Blunderheels2 Do you
like the fute3" "A flute, Miss Psly, al
ways bores me to DEATH"
-''Gimme ham sandwichl' shouted
the guest at the dine lunch counter.
Two seconds later he complained to the
attendant: THAT was the worst sand
wich ever had. No more taste than
sawdust, and not big enough to see."
you've ct your check" returned the
attendant contemptuously; this here's
yer ham san'wich. Puck.
Mrs. Billus (pounding at locked door
Of inner room)-"For mercy's sake,
John, what are you making all that
noise about? Are you going crazy?"
Frenzied voice of Mr.. Billus ION the in.
side)-"Keep away, Maria! Keep away,
or won't be responsible for the conse-
quences! I'm using that Chr stmas razor
you gave mel''-Chicago Tr. bune.
~ have here" said the drummer,
''something entirely new in cigarettes.
This brand" Retail dealer-''Chest-
nuts! I've heard that from every sales
man who comes in" Eyes. but / hap
pen to be telling the truth. Here is
something new in cigarettes. Never
been on the market before" "Hum.
What is it?' Tobacco.
Inquirer.
For the third time little Tommy
Figg had asked his father what was the
cause of the desert OF Sahara. Finally
the old man laid down his paper and an
swered: 81 reckon it was formed when
the Israelites lost their sand. And If
you don't quit asking me 50 many ques-
tions I'll see that your mother puts you
to bed hereafter before get home"
"But paw, how can you see her put me
to bed if she puts me to bed before you
get homer" And that question was
Tommy's last-for that evening.-Terre
Hsute Express. r
Utility lady (hurrying in, breath
less, five minutes after the call for the
distribution of parts for the new spec
tacular production)-"What do get?''
Stage manager (promptly)-"You geta
dollar fine for bein' late, and you're the
Empress Of India in the prologue. and
Queen Of Night in the last act; and you
don't want to show up in them blue
satin shoes again, for you've got to sit
on . gold throne ten feet b gh, and put
your foot on the neck Of the King Of Per
sia in the last act Now you come here to-
morrow ct ten, letter-perfect, or you'll
be bsok IN the second row, carryin'a tin
swoc6 Asst thing you know.'s-Theatex.