Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1890-03-21
FuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

--"Who are tho fools Of the human
raceP" This is an easy one. II tn,
query were, Who are the visor 4
would BIO poser.-Boston Courier.
-Soarandhop (grandiloqucntly) =
Yes; it pays to do right. Honesty IL
tho best policy after ALL" Frankley.-
why don't you have it renewedP'-
Time.
-"What Is the future OF lrelandT'
exclaimed the Senator. In earnest tones.
"Ireland," said the new school ma am
calmly, ''has no future; it is noun."-
Burdette.
As the warmer weather comes on,
metals begin to expand. A ten-dollar
gold piece reaches great deal further
when the gas.man and the goldman
have relaxed their grip.-Puck.
Dean Burgon once ended an AMI
mated sermon with-"And so Jonah
was lodged In the whales belly, where.
my dear brethren, we will leave him
until we meet again next Sabbath"
The drama is getting more and
more realistic. Real babies, real water,
real burglars, are among the advertised
realities. We have hopes OF future
play with real actors. - Baltimore
American.
-Clementino-''If had known you
married me only for my money would
never have accepted you" Montague
-"And II I'd known you were going to
be so close with it l would never have
proposed. Life.
Miss Backbite (who has been dis
cussing several of her friends mis-
deeds)-"Now, you know, | never re-
peat scandals" Mrs. Candor -
mo, my dear, I've heard you invent
them. philadelphia Press.
Picture Dealer exhibiting a paint
ing)-"That, sir, is genuine Turner"
Purchaser-"Yes, see. You have to
turn it around good many times be-
fore you can make out what it is."-
America.
Old Lady-"My dear, do you really
think you are fit to become minister's
wife?" Engaged Niece (from the
WesD-"Yes, indeed. / don't mind
being talked about at all. IN. Y.
Weekly.
-Father-"Well, how did you come
out on the bean-guessing contest?"
Dull boy-'I guessed there was 100
beans in the jar, and there was 8, 200"
Father SADLY -"rm afraid you'll
never be fit for any thing but a weather
bureau chief. "-Philadelphia Record.
"A warning; Jay Gould will pass
through Cor go through) the city at
two o'clock this afternoon, en- route to
the Southwest II the citizens will ex-
hibit little activity, perhaps they can
get the town nailed down before Mr..
Gould arrives. Haute Express.
Husband well. love. have you
some cold chicken for supper, as you
promised?" Newly-made bride" Yes,
darling; | bought a beautiful live
chicken. and it has been yelling in the
refrigerator for more than two hours.
l think it must be cold by this time. -
Lowell Citizen.
Yes" said Dumley, proudly. "a
was soldier in the war OF the rebellion,
and II | do say it myself, | made good
one" The thrill OF admiration which |
was about to start through the party
was suddenly stopped by Featherly.
who said musiugly: LET me see.
Dumley. 1t was In 81. wasn't 1t, that
you wero draited?"-Epoch.
Jones Ito Brown who had Just
dropped In to borrow y fiver)-"Well.
I'll do 1t this time, but | wonder you
are ashamed to be always In debt.
Look at me. l don't owe a penny"
Brown-''Dare say not, old man. You
haven't n borrowing face. Nobody
would trust you. Pick Me Up.
III remember riding home In a
horse-car with Henry w. Paine one
day. remarked story-tellcr, apropos
Of this eminent Maine jurist Paine
was reading sheepskin-bound volume
Of law reports. A mutual acquaintance
hailed him and said: See here, Paine,
10 you have to study law stillP' This
sn't law said Paine, it's only COL
ection OF decisions OF the Massachu-
'etts Supreme Court" - Lewiston
Journal.