davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26
A Comparative Estimate.

First Urchin-"My papa's awful smart"
Second Urchin-"Wot does he do?"
"He makes locomotives"
''That's nothin'. My papa says he has to
make two trains every day. "-Pittsbus.g
Bulletin.
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26

Il can't get my bag open; the trains
stopping and I've lost the key" He Gocu-
larly)-'.YouU have to hire some robber
to pick the lock for you" The car porter
Is passing through. "Oh, l say, come
here and see whether you can open this
lock, won't ut"-Phit1detphia Times.
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26

Both the method and results when
syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste, and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys-
tenn efectuaIly, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy Of its kind ever pro-
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C.
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale in soc
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
glsts. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro-
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. Do not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP c..
SIN FRANCISCO, CAL.
LOUISVILLE Ky NEW YoRx NV
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26

And She Went-"What induced you to
adopt this business ?" asked man of the
female barber. my belief In woman suf-
frage. determined to 20 TO the polls and
see."-DrGke's MaQ0zine.
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26
Couldn't Stand q Loan,

Gazzam-I never saw a man lose his
strength IS rapidly as Dolly did the other
day"
Maddox-"How was that f'
Gazzam-"I asked him to loan me- $40,
when straightway he declared he was
unable to stand a-loan. - West Shore.
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26

Farmers OF Louisiana are solid In their
opposition TO the lottery-which sentiment
IL reached in North Dakota"
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26

Rainwater drives out the lair from the
sol and fills all of the SPACE which Is occu.
pied by air when the soil is dry.
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26
THE AMERICAN"

A Is page, bound and trimmed weekly paper
subscription, SI.oo per year: four weeks
only ten cents. Address THE AMERICAN
LAKE CHARLES La
St. Landry democrat., 1890-07-26
HOMES

A Ii WHO DESIRE TO LEARN about the
"a GREAT PRAIRIE region OF WESTERN LOU
iSlANA, near the Gulf, where thousands of
Northern families have happy homes and besides
the stable agricultural productions raise their
own oranges, figs and other semi-tropical fruits,
should send for sample CODY of
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
WHOLE NO. 2031.
An Even Thing.

/ had big chunk Of lead from Corr
federate cavalry carbine driven into my
shoulder at Brandy Station, and was in
a hospital at Washington for treatment,
when an Ohio infantryman was placed
on the cot next on the left. He had
been shot in the leg about two months
be re, and after every effort had been
made to save the linn, he had been
brought here to have it stnputsted. A
surgeon came one day to notify him
that the operation would be performed
the next day, and Bill, as ne called him,
listened, and then replied;
'Say, Doc, Pm waiting for letter from
the old woman. wrote to her that the
leg would probably he ve to come of, and
l want to hear what she has to say
"But that can't make any difference" ="
"N ELI, perhaps not but l kind O want
her opinion. She's always been down
on one-leg,ed meh, and l yant to SEQ
whether shes going back on ne o. not"
"Bpt she won't, Of course"
"y0u Jon't l.noa short that. Women
is cpl'ls. When she begins q dirk O.
me ciaaterine up and down with 2 FcoG-
en- pin, and reaiizin' that pye goi % %
stumpsng around for life, she may feel g
disgust Give me three or four days
more in which to get letter"
The surgeon consented, and in two
days the letter came. Bill was very
nervous and excited, and he asked me- to
read the epistle and give him the news
1t wasn't from his wife, but from his sis
ter, and she wrote:
"On the DAY that you wrote Mary that
your leg would have to come off We start
ed to drive to Uncle Ben's. ihe horse
ran away, smashed everything up, and
! Mary's left leg was 50 badly broken that
it was amputated yesterday. She has
the best of care and is doing well. She
sends love, and advises you to have your
leg off at once"
"Whoop" yelled Bill, in a voice which
aroused the whole ward "It's her left
and my right. Two wooden pins to 90
Gathering up and down Two legs to
hang up on the wall when We turn in at
night One Of you nurses 90 and tell old
| sawbones to come in here and open his
butcher shop as soon as he pleases, and
some of you boys write to Mary that
well be the happiest couple inthe whole
| Buckeye State ~. ]. Sun.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
The Domestic DOG.

The varieties of the domestic dog have
lately been discussed by French and
English naturalists NJ. q. Mortilet, in
paper Tead before the AnthropolOgical
Society OF Paris, assuming from negative
evidence ths non-existence Of the dog IN
the earlier Quaternary epoch, traces his
presence onward from ;he she!l-heaps Of
Denmark, in which his remains com-
monty occur Passing from the prehis-
toric ages in Europe. hs considers at
length the evidence that esn be advanced
Of the existence of several varieties Of
the dog among the Egyptians, and later
on among the sncieRj Greeks and R0-
mans, and in the fact Of the innumeTa-
bic varieties Of the canis domesticus, the
author believes We have one Of the most
conclusive proofs Of evolution. Messrs-
Windsr and Humphreys have also read
a paper before the Geological Society, of
London, on some canin&l and dental
character of the domestic dog, based on
the results Of the measurement OF large
number OF dogs skulls Of various breeds.
Its object was to ascertain whether era
NAL and dental characteristics afforded
sufficient information to permit o. sci
cntifc classification of the breeds or
would throw any light upon their origin.
The conclusion 50 far arrived at was that
interbreeding had been 50 extensive and
complicated as TO make it impossible 10
distinguish the various forms scientific
ally from the characters examined
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
Absent Mindedness.

What we call -mIndedness Is
temporary loss of memory. The mind,
intent upon some present thought, OBJ
literates or obscures the record of the
past.
We NAV even regard il as partial and
temporary form OF insanity, and if We
find Observation-Disclosures most common
with persons Of great mental powers We
may accept the fact Al snothsr illustra-
ton of the near alliance between great
genius and madness.
Certain it is that Bruyere's Absent
Man" was no mere creature Of fertile
imagination. The original is said to have
been the Count de Braneas, Of whom a
curious story is related.
One day he was reading by the fire in
his study, when the nurse brought him
a child newly born to him.
The Count threw away The book and
took the child on his knee to play with
it.
BY and by visitor was announced
and the Count, forgetting all about the
child and remembering only that ne had
been reading book, threw the poor in
FAINT carelessly onto the table. What 4
mercy he didn't throw it into the fire.
1t is recorded of La Fontsine, noted
for his absent-mindedness, that he once
attended the funeral of one of his most
intimate friends, and shortly afterward
called to visit that friend.
When reminded by the astonished
servant of the recent death, he was at
first terribly shocked, and then re
marked
"True of course remember now,
went to his funeral"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
His Double Break.

witnessed very laughabie incident
last winter" said a Frankfort man the
other day, "and the moral. if there be
any to the story, is that man should
know the crowd before whom he talks
indiscriminately. II was in the Court Of
Appeals chamber just after adjournment.
A crowd of gentlemen were sitting arouns
and the chief spokesman was loqua-
eious member Of the Frankfort genus loaf
er, who was not acquainted with all
present. One Of the brightest young
lawyers in the State had just stepped out
after making a speech. He had been
drinking and the Frankfort man said :
What a mistake some follows make in
thinking they speak better when they
are half full of whisky: Now. have
heard tnat our two Senators keep soak
ing full when on duty. and l think it is
a shame
"'One of them has quit quietly re-
marked one of the gentlemen present.
Which one ? was the query.
al have answered Senator Blackburn
and he got up and walked out.
"The dumbfounded talkative man
caught his breath and said; "Well, now,
that was dirty break Of mine. / didn't
know Blackburn was within thousand
miles Of here. But don't care. have
heard that senator blackburn drinks toe
much to sustain even Kentuckian'
reputation
"Still another stranger spoke up with
well, he just never did drink to an ex
cess, and l know that Uncle Joe hasn
touched drink in year
at was Senator Blackburn's nephew
this time, and the talkatiye man made
his escape without standing on the ordei
of his going.-L0uisriile Commercial.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

"Now, children. who was the strong
eat man. asked the Sunday-school SUI
perintendent.
John L. Samson !" yelled a little fel-
low whose knswledge of sacred and pro-
fame history was somewhat mixed.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
Exciting.

"Your duties must be somewhat mo-
notonous," said lady to mailing clerk
"They are, indeed."
"The same round day after day and
week after week. No excitement"
"No excitement excepting when we
have to rush things"
"And when is thatF'
"When we find In haste written on
the corner of an envelope"
"Oh, yes; that creates excitement"
Tremendous ~
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

A century of progress has not produced
a remedy equal to Ely's Cream Balm for
catarrh, cold in the head, and hay fever.
1t is not liquid or a snuff, but is perfec-
ly safe and easily applied into the nos
trils. 1t gives immediate relief, and
cures the worst cases.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

Lady Patient with big feetl-~Do you
think my pedal extremities are unusually
large ~ Chiropodist tdiplomatically-
"Oh no. While in Chicago last summer
l operated on lady whose shoes covered
several schers"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

Don't say there is no help for cstarrh,
hay fever and cold in the head, since
thousands testify that Ely's Cream Balm
has entirely cured them. Il supercedes
the dangerous use of liquids and srutls.
1t is easily applied into the nostrils and
gives relief at once. Price 80 cents.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

Six-year-old.-Grandpa we have come
to wish you many happy returns Of your
birthday and mamma says if you give
Us each gold dollar we are net to lose
il on our way home.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

At the Flower SHOW Ii--lsn't that
bunch Of lilies handsome She-Yes,
but | should much rather have this
brides boquet. He-WiIl you carry on
like it TO XIV wedding She-Go and
see papa first.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

Many hero who has been slsshed
and disfgured by sabre withaf< binch-
ing has been known to win a,s stssd-
cut IN newspaper. iTa$N
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

After all, the best way to know the
real merit of Hoods Sarsapartlla, 10 to
try it yourself. Be sure to get Hoods
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
SOMERSET, PA, wEDNFDAY, JUNE 25, 1890
YOU OR |.
five could know

five could know
yaich US darling, would be first to go
Tao wfid be first to breast the swelling ,,da
ld SO alone upon the other side
five could know
Ifit were you.
shoulf walk softly. keeping death in View
shousi m, love to you morc of express?
VI sh"a :rieve You, darling any less
fit were you.
Ifit were /,
sloY improve The moments slipping by?
shof ! more closely follow God : great rlans
ne ilsd VII sweeter charity TO man
lfit wereI
five eouid know
Meinnot, darliIg and It's better so
! sh ID forget, just as | do to-day, 10
Z" AK along .he same old stumbling way, /,
"' II
/ would not know oe
" " Of us dazzling, win be The first TO 60 ~;
oi"lsht The space may not be long ?.
se'En the parting anG the greeting 50 H'F
'u'l men, orhhere. or how we're cal' al'iat 'nE
,ror1s -, reoh to go
Eesoul'
kaliarg-S fd,~lag
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

still She Was in Favor Of It Mrs.
watts-What. You don't mean 70 say
that you do not believe ~ SuaDrs ss .
day &fest2 Mrs. Potts--I ut 'srAe aHr,
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
Editors,r,lliantlv-tinted Ken

'AtlitdbSif -bAhNSb ANNh-
me fehhsygun to make gay the
s'on nave aih white dresses, there
-, ' a'e ealp-curve of his mus
.,e-aa,l,,.'a. a.,ger eyebeam. There
oe,Laa,.aa;.:. fritter it away upon,
bnr, viii assa,almost ready to blaze
July II, and Ies
train on Tuesdle that some Oh 'he
those at Pbilade around Millersburg,
semble in that de up riding party
also leave for Wind Kitty Basil came
of July IS. The as her entire diBsim-
will be visited inlo that attracted Mr..
down the Poton but [ think, and 80
thence 10 oia fol ntucky girl attracts
glnia resorts IN personal merits.
/" "ssn'iis'on On dark, as she dash
''''i'e On ''' steps on her black
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
{" The old ass

The old ass y
Alas, Bracebridge Had this letter
come to you two months ago, instead of
sitting there with your head in your
hands, disgusted at its style of compost
ton, you would have pressed it to your
heart as harbihger of great joy. "Times
change, my masters" All night long
he walked the floor. Perhaps a thousand
times he drew sigh from his boot-heels
and breathed out
Poor girl Poor Retta y
1t isa terrible thing to have girl dy-
ing for you. OF course he loved her
loved her like sister but how could
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25
Summer

that she and hel
- a.a.-~,, for each other. II
,,,ornt,in IaLa .n,e exquisite symme-
issuca bv tbe r. ,Cl separating them
contemplating a su hghtiy oo"h' aho
Nell TO procure a 81. short riding skirt
big their arraneemtantalizing glimpse
The book will be.s about six inches
DUPLICATION to Chas-be piazza with tn,
'enger Agent, B. & movement which
e, he could onl,
ioi cfi' never her dance, to b,
!, u' " fection of graceful
iced cleansing. and
Dish il more effectg young 'ie'
han any other met,;ed" him, sprunl
learments of init
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

DIdccDrluge,,
| did he, tha6it' 50
purely upollde le5siy dIsly
Tall and vii Mau
ed up to tiice ct. i
thoroughbre es o5,is,l ~
in, it seemerties
horse had b
was a pity tt
try of the HSH,
buI "heh sEE
ni'ins one eNs&
just enough @
r. z1.ls %I
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-06-25

Mr.. RICHARD BRACEBRIDGE.
SIR Finding that your attentions to
my daughter have seriously injured her
health-c What does the old fool
mean ?" poor Bracebridge ejaculated)-
and the physicians saying that she must
have her way and not be crossed l write
TO retract my refusal to you of last Janu-
ary. The doctors say she will die unless
her mental trouble is relieved. Come at
once.
Yours respectfully,
Drrrp CogTEITO
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14
- - 800 -
WANTED TO DIE IN SOIL
tube.
A Farmer Hiics Himself Ava,
In % HAY Press Tor Five Weeks.

n Farmer Hides Himself Away
Ina Hay Press Tor Five Weeks.
On the 30th Of last month, Peter
Il. Powell, a farmer Of Blanchard
Township, Ohio, was last fall
trampled upon aud badly hurt BY a
COW be was leading. lie would not
see aphYsican and grew worse. Five
weeks ago he ,mystenously disap.
neared, leaving 40 clue to his fate.
A few days after, his son, while
tearing away an old barn on the
farm, was startled to find his father
lying ia the center Of q hay press.
lie was still alive, although very
weak. lie said that during all that
time he had not tasted food or water.
When Powell went away he
weighed 2l9 pounds, but when found
he was q mere skeleton, weighing
but 1873 pounds. lie did not ex-
plain why he bid away, except that
he wanted 10 die by himself.
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14
Why he Bought the Pics.
[Germantown independent. /

At the close Of q fair in Boston
the other evening, the unsold articles
we're offered at auction, and a round
lot of cream pies we're tnocke down
to q gentleman who seemed particu.
larry anxious to get them. "My wife
made these pies" be said, "and gave
them to the fair; but as she never
makes any of this quality except to
give away, my only chance is to buy
them" And then he sat down and
consumed a couple in silence.
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14

There is, alas too much tuth in
the saying ofan exchange that there
are some circles where it is only the
man with the income that can Gene
In - " - :
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14
Advice to Mothers.

drs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup
should always be used for children
teething. II soothes the child, softens
the gums, allayis all pain, cures wind collie,
and is the best remedy for diarrhoea.I
Twenty-Five cents a bottle, ] -
. sep 27-d-w-1v.
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14

Subscribe 10 The RECORDER Il
has the largest circulation In the
Golden Tobacco belt.
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14

Lumberton Robersonian: We
learn that arrangements are being
made by the Farpars' Alliance to
build large warehouse at this place.
This step Is necessary, owing to in.
creaslng bushes, Of the trade agent,
Mr.. j. Fl. McNeill. 1t will be built
By about eighteen sub-alliances who
trade here and will be constructed at
the depot.
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14

AiAmance GIeaner: Mt. @. W
Sylvester is engaged in developing
"Cane Crack Grit" He has spent
all his life in the mining business,
and is enthusiastic upon bis present
undertaking For several moaths he
has been testing and getting out var.
ious grades Of grit and placing it be-
fore the country. gre
The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1890-05-14

franklin Pres: Wheat crops are
looking fine in Macon. and oats are
coming up nicely, promising favor
able results.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-11-17
Won $4,000 in Two Games.

tliumvirate Of we'll known gamblers in
Minneapolis are in an unhappy state of mind
Just now, says the st. Paul Pioneer Press
Notwithstanding the vigilance of the police,
these irresistible and speculative spirits man.
aged to get a faro bank in operation in a very
secluded place. There was a good bank rol y
behind the institution, although it was a very
unpretentious establishment
Charles l.. LOOMS. PROPRIETOR of the Mint
saloon on Washington avenue north. started in
TO try his luck a few days ago The most
hazardous member of the trinmVirate was deal
ing. He kindly consented to raise the $25 and
SoO limit WHICH was the rule in the house Mr.
Loomis seemed to have a "hunch" that things
were going his way, and he played very stiff
game. He played steadily for a couple of days
ghe interesting pastime being interrupts only
for meals The PAYERS roll increased right
along. He had phenomenal luck. and when he
concluded to quit he was nearly $4,000 ahead
of the bank
This is the greatest individual winning in the
history of Minneapolis. 1t is so very unusual
an occurrence that it brought CONSERVATION to
the losers. Mr.. LOOMS good luck is the talk
IN local sporting circles. He does not propose
10 venture any more, and will uss the money in
some business enterprise This, il Sc ems is not
his only heavy streak of luck. Several wears
ago he sat down to some stiff poker games and
won 5000. That money was put into pl o lerty
in South Minneapolis.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-11-17
BRIGHT BITS

THE road to political preferment is not al
ways laid on party ties Indiana polls Jour
nal.
THE higher classes are invariably the lore
classes, while the hire classes are naturally the
lower classes.-BOstOR Traveller.
OLD DocroR-How do you get along with
your husband now, Mrs Mcguire?
Mrs. Maguire-Very nicely, thank We. He's
dead.--NelC York Weekly.
THEODORE THOMAS. it is said, is to receive
$4,000 for spending three years in Chicago ee-
waiting the musical tastes of the community
Yes. that's a lot of money, but lust think of the
task!-PaitGdetphtd North american.
NJ. observation-disclosures, who is spoken of as
likely to become the educational minister in the
new Greek cabinet, will meet with pronounce 1
dlthc llty in getting the average proof reader to
give ms name a fair show Philadelphia
Ledger.
WIN mans friendship by telling him to-day
that he is the Smartest one in his family and
you will have to tell him tomorrow that he is
the SmarteSt man in town, and the next day
that he is the smartest man in the state.-Atch-
isoH Globe.
MY wife is getting to DE too extravagant,' -
growled Bodgers. Here she has gone and
spent t3 for new bonnet, when she knew
had accept ID an invitation to go driving with
Pudgers and it would cost me at least e5.-
NeWcdStle Chronicle
THs newspaper brethren Of Tacoma do not
appear to Owed together in that pleasant way
which there is high authority for calling
blessed For example, the Ne,0s refers to the
goggle-eyed gadtiy who fancies he is the politi-
cal reporter of the Globe. "-SeGttle Post IlteHi-
gencer.
TOURIST lin Oklahoma)-I suppose the people
I out herr are chaste and all that, the same as in
the east? Prominent Ctizen-Chased! Wal
occasi onally, il We KANT keJch EN- right at
the start. But as a rule we git EN- early, and
thar hain't so very much chasin'. -Muasey' S
Weekly
THE Buffalo Express, beaten in every other
direction, ruShes to the defense of the bow
| legged man. 1t insists that he isn't necessarily
crooked on that account. The point is well
taken. A man may he shortened by bow-legS
and yet be a christian. The Express is right for
once.-Troy Press.
If HALF the pictures of Henry NJ. Stanley
now flooding the papers may be accepted as
| bearing any resemblance to MIN, he must be q
man of many facial moods Some represent
him as q snriveled up old man, who looks as if
| he had had jungle fever for two or three dec
| ades-RocheSter Union and advertiser.
No OBSERVED one of the neighbors who
had called to see the baby, the chld's
mouth is none too lar "a Aud see how mobile
| S this little girl become an accomplished
| elocutionist." And the young father. who had
| been listening unobserved at the door, went off
| upstairs, crawled into the attic, and wept.-
/ Chicago Tribune.
| liz SLEEPING CAR between Buffalo and Phila-
| delphia a man Fsnored so long and loud that
| some aroused sleeper threw boot at him. 1t
| struck him1n- the face and broke his nose. and
the doctors guarantee that he is perfectly cured
| of very annoying habit. lie is so ungrateful,
| however, that he is going TO sue some one
| Detroit Free Press.