Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-04-27

Soon did he discover.
Found it was case. in brief,
Which twas useless pleading,
So, TO give his heart relief,
Abroad he then went speeding.
Tom, the tailor, pressed his suit,
Profoundly interested,
And his heart was resolute,
Love in her was vested
But for him she had no use,
Sew, by shear endeavor.
To clothes the thing. she said, "You goose
Pll wed tailor, never"
Every lover Lucy had
She Tilted for another,
But to-day she would be glad
To get some man or other.
Lucy now is growing old,
Youth not long will tarry
And it looks as II, I'm told,
She will never marry.
"This is really too bad" sighed Nc
Laughlin, wearily. "Any man who would
make such diabolical puns as those ought to
be banished to China"
"But consider, Frank" I ventured to re-
mark. "that poem was written in 20 min
utes.''
1.-THE time was wasted" replied Nc
poem during breakfast this morning"
"Let US hear it; let us hear It," was the
chorus.
'It's here" responded Mclaughlin, as
he drew from the fastnesses of his dress
coat a sheet OF scented paper. ST always
write on perfumed paper because my
poetry, unlike the preceding rubbish, is
worth a scent"
AS no one took the slightest notice of his
witticlsm. he read in a very leisurely voice:
What n Woman Can Do.
There's poet who sings
OF the wonderful things
That man with his might and his knowledge
gets through
But wish to rehearse,
In jingle of verse,
A good many things that woman can do.
II distressed you appear.
She can comfort and cheer,
Dispelling the trouble that made you look blue.
She Is born to console
Any suffering soul;
This is one of the things that woman can do.
She can talk like book,
She can wash, sew or cook;
She can take shabby garments and make them
look now,
And to keep a house neat,
Cheerful, healthy and sweet,
Is another good thing that woman can do.
She's a wonderful trick
When she nurses the sick
And as mute as shadow her tasks she'll pur-
sue
As an angel to cheer
She can stand without peer,
It is one of the things that woman can do.
In good many ways
She's entitled to praise.
In good many others-to give her her due
She's a little bit wrong.
To continue my song,
will name other things that woman can'td
Isuppose you will own
That she can't throw a stone
chance hainp
And the pencil she'll point
Will look all out of Joint,
1t Is one of the things that woman can't do.
II 81 goes to the play,
In TIA night time or day,
The hat she will wear hides the stage from
And to think those behind
To look on are inclined,
Is one of the things that q woman can't do.
II she goes out to spend
A few hours with friend,
She can't keep her tongue still q minute or
And no note she'll address
Is without Its P. s.,
For that's one of the things that . woman
can't do.
"Now," said Dan Dawson, "there is only
myself and Colonel Knox left to infiict
misery on the crowd. II the Colonel will
oblige first will guarantee to ittingly end
this poetical tournament myself"
excused myself on the ground that my
poetical license only extended to the border
of New York State. Then Dawson got up
and disgraced himself as follows:
Some people praise the violet
While Others love the rose,
And some think the foreet-me-nots
The finest flower that grows.
Some people like the daisy,
And some the mignonette,
But you can gamble all the money you've got
left in your clothes
That the clover Is the bloomingesr leaf and
it's Philadelphia's pet.
After this the next thing knew was in
bed in the Continental Hotel with q bob
tailed nightmare on my breast.
j. ARMoY KNOX,