Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-07

1t was Boston HORSE ohnny he
plies-How Time Increases Values,
Etc, Etc.
A STRIKING SIMILARITY.
ssThose quarrelsome speakers remind
me of pair of whales"
In what respect"
''They never spout without coming to
blows"
AN ORDINARY MAN.
He was of such commonplace brain
That when anyone said it would rain,
He would look at the sky
With squint in his eye,
And would beg of someone to explain.
DIFFERENCE.
Visitor-Your sister is studying music,
/ understand.
Little Girl-Oh, no ma'am, she doesn't
study music.
"She doesn't2"
''No'm. She only practices scales an
things"
biNlN0 VI ~ HIS MOIlO.
"Well, l must go now,' said Chollie.
"What's your hurryl" asked Ethel.
at is five minutes Of twelve, and my
motto in life is, Never put off till to-
morrow what you can do to-day"
KNEW LOTS.
Mrs. Lakeside (of Chicago)-I am
sure you would like my new husband.
He knows lots.
Mrs. Boston-A man of intellect
Mrs. Lakeside-I s'pose that's what
you call it in Boston. He's real estate
agent.-[New York Weekly.
CONSOLATION.
Old Lady Gn corner seat of Broad
way car)-Conductor, the rain is drip
ping in from the lamp-hole all over my
dress
Conductor-No, madam, excuse me,
the lamp is quite water-tight; it's only
the oil leaking a bit. i Belford's Maya
zine.
HOW TIME INCREASES VALUES.
Eminent Author-You bought MS
from me some ten years ago for twenty
five dollars.
Publisher-Yes, sir; but we haven't
printed it yet
Eminent Author-Well, let me have it
back, and I'll give you hundred. I've
got reputation now, and don't want to
fpoil it, Puck.
DEATHS WORST TERRoRs.
Differs Ito his best girD-The worst
about the death Of poor Winters is that
compromising letters were found in his
pockets. I should hate awfully to have
such thilg happen to me.
Miffers "a rival)-Yes, Differs, take
good care of yourself.-lGood News.
1T WAS A BOSTON HORSE.
"Git upp' exclaimed Mrs. Bunker
Hills cousin. But the horse did not
move.
1.-THE animal does not seem TO compre-
bend, - said Miss Hill s'Let me try"
Gan right"
Proceed, Bucephalusl"
And the animal proceeded. Fl Bazaar.
IhE dhOANDc Of HIS AtiAONs
Fleecy-I see you call on the Brown
girls good deal. Which one are you
going to marryl
Downy-I love Sally the best, but
guess that Clara is the one for me.
Fleecy-You will get along better with |
woman you love than with one you
don't.
Downy-I don't know about that.
Clara has declared over and over that she
won't leave home even if she does marry.
-[Epoch.
A MIDNIGHT MURDER.
Only a cat in the moonlight;
Only cat, that's all;
Only song at midnight,
Only wild, weird waul.
Only a man impulsive,
Only reason flown;
Only a clutch convulsive,
Only bootjack thrown.
Only sudden sally,
Only an uttered "Scatln
Only corpse in the alley,
Only poor, dead cat.
II Chicago Evening Post.
MODERN MERCHANTS.
Mrs. Bargan-What are you wouyin'
about this morningg
Mr.. Bargain need some new clothes
and new watch, and | can't make up
my mind whether to get the clothes at
store where they give away watches, or to
buy watch at a store where they give
away clothes.-[Good News.
THUNDERSTORM"
''Graciousl that was an awful clap of
thunder; it frightened me terribly"
ssPoohi thunder can't hurt YOU"
ttn.-ss 10 TN:l.fk -, - - g 4. /