New-York tribune., 1890-05-21
PJSyYG HUMORLsT CRUSHED

RISING HUMORIST CRUSHED
The course Of true love, so susceptible to in
terrnptions and irregularities, has again been
disturbed this time at AftOn Del. In the village
of Alton, among several hundred other people,
lives one James G. Campbell, a young man OF
rood parts. a lawyer by profession, by necessity
a bookkecper, who, in his hours of ease, turns
his attention to the light guitar and the cuItl-
walton of rich baritone voice. lie is young
man who follows the advice to leave your busl-
ness cares at the office most religously giving
his whole attention when away from that dismal
haunt Of figures-that lair of lcdgers and den of
dayhooks-to the pursuit OF such elegant accom-
nlisbments az we have hinted at above, together
with the most ardent wOoing Of one Of the most
charming Young ladies in Alton the oldest daugh-
ter Of the rector of St. Johns Church His hopes,
however. in that direction have been dashed to
the ground. and we refer 10 the circumstances
as It so we'll illustrates the utter inability of
woman 10 take a joke.
Mr.. Campbell called on the object Of his afec-
tions one evening recently. The night hcing
warm, they sat the porch. which was partially
screened from the gaze Of passcrs-by in the street
by vines through which. however, the moonbcams
struggled and min. lied with the light from the
lamp in the parlOr. The only place from which
Mr. Campbell was noted for retiring early
tho Office therefore II is not strange that midnight
found him still seated low stool near his
adorcd one. softly touching his guitar and singing
in low tone suddenly he looked mp and noticed
that the lady's head had sunk back in tic cush-
ions 81 the easy char in which she sat and that
her eyes were closed. She had been up late the
night before at a church socabie for the benefit
of the neglected heathen In foreign lands Mr.
Campbell spoic 70 her softly. She made
ply She asleep. A. first llr. Campbell was
embarrl Sod. but he was not The young man 10
remain long in such condition. The common
place young man would have awakened the lady
as gently as possible and then have said good
night and stolen away. But Mr. Campbell is no
commonplace young man. and n instantly dawne1
on him that IL the opportunity Of a lifetime
70 do something highly humorous. Indeed. he
had n reputation in Alton for Eight and airy IA
cctiousnc,s. which he felt must hc sustained on
al occasions at any cost. a blight which frequently
nests on young men Stepping into the house
he went to a writing desk IN 'hc library. and
got piece of bristol board sN inches square
ON this he wrote in large. packing case characters
Call at :30,7 sllcwcWd lead pencil through
it. returned 10 the porch. stuck the sharp end
~ the pencil down into the lady's back hair
and then hurried away leaving the card looming
up above her head like a bargain counter sign
above pile Of dress goods
The Young lady slept on. In fact, she slept
better than did James G. Campbell, for tie
more he thought about il after getting home and
To bed the more il seemed 10 him that he had
perpctrated the great American Joke for which the
people had been waitiug-the crowniuc Jest of
century Of humor. Half dozen times he got
To sleep and woke mp in a convulson of laughter
In the meantime as we have remarked, the young
lady continued TO slumber The trusty family
servant arose at o'clock and read the sign rising
| above the unconscious scepcr's back hair bat. a.
| II requested a 80 call. the intelligent domestic
| did not disturb her. The milkmau read It and
| smiled pleasantly and stood al the gate ana called
the attention Of various early riScrs who were
passng 10 IT, They all thought II n good Joke
! but none laughed so heartily as did James &
| Campbell ten blocks away. in his humble bed, as
| hc woke mp for the fifth time and rolled over ana
! chucklcd AZ o'clock the ladys father appeared.
lie read the sign, hut he did not follow the eN-
| ampl, 4 the valued servant lie awoNe HIS
! dau-t.,r She snatchcd the S-u FROM her back
hair and aso read it, Al thai moment young man
| by tie name of Campbell, away over on the otner
! side of Tie town. went into another paro\Ssm
! of laughter; the young lndy did not but Sne
walked into the house with determined tread
| and straight to the writine-'icsS. NJ 10 o cocN
the onicc-hoy handed n letter {" certain pu'd'n~
! humorlst temporarily cn-a.ed IN bookkeeping. y
uomcnt later his commercial pen dropped irom
his paslcd grasp. That evening the heroine oil
This brief sketch appeared Mt the festival IN aid oi
the church building fund with Frank !. Richmond
Since 10 a. IN. of that ill-lated morning James &
! Compbell has not smiled. We hope. 10 the young
man who reads this. that il may serve as wai"-
irq There are some things whicn are too funny