The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-03-22
The ARIZONA KICKER.
Extracts from "a Recent Issue of Ths
journal of Civilization.

Extracts from "a Recent Issue of That
journal of Civilization.
''NOr A MURDER.-The other morning
Hank Poole, veteran old bum and
buffer of this locality, was found dead
in Goldfish alley, about ten feet from the,
door of the Red Jacket saloon. He had
received about thirty buckshot, and had
been dead for some hours when discov-
cred. 1t was, of course, suspected that
he had been killed in row in the
saloon, and the sheriff was wabbling
around with half a dozen warrants in
his hand when we stepped in and threw
a light of $50 candle-power on the stu
alton.
''At about midnight on the previous.
night some one kicked on our Office
door, and when we called out to know
who was there rock was hurled through
one of the windows. We slid out of bed,
grabbed our shotgun, and fired into the
street through the same window, suppos-
ing the boys wanted some fun with US.
We heard some one run away, and have
no doubt that Hank Poole was the target,
of our buck-shot. Hank had been down on
us ever since we sliced off his left ear a.
year ago in front of the post-office, and
within two days he had been heard to
declare that he would have our life.
''The coroner's jury acquitted US of all
blame, but stuck us for the burial eX-
penses, which footed up $3.50. We are
not complaining any, Any man is liza
BILE to kill one of his fellow-creaturess
out here any hour in the day, and it is
only fair that he should see the body
decently laid away. We are sorry that
Hank didn't meet us on the street in
daylight, and thus have better show,
but as he chose his own way no one is to
blame but himself"
"HE WILL, EH?-The other day, when
we saw Judge Saunders steering a Bos-
ton man around the country, we felt that,
conspiracy of some sort was on the
carpet, and we arranged fora private in
terview with the tenderfoot. The re-
suit justified our anticipations. The
Judge owns twenty-siX acres of sand and
cactus three miles out of town on the
Mormon Trail. He had made that Bos
ton man believe this tract covered a
ledge of pure silver, and was worth a
million dollars, but owing to various
reasons he would sell it for S25, 900. We
spoiled the sale in about thirty seconds,
and we understand that the Judge has.
sworn to have our life as an offset.
Say. Judge, come and see us! If you
thirst for our gore come and qucnch!
We are always on deck every day in the
week, and if you can get the drop on US,
our scalp is yours. We shan't interfere
in any thing like a square deal in this
neighborhood, but we don't want to see
our sand prairie all dug up and tossed
about by lot of tenderfeet who will
afterwards seek to kill the town out of
spite. Judge Saunders will find plat
of our graveyard hanging up in the
post-ofiice. Those lots marked with Il.
blue pencil have already been taken and
occupied"
COME AND SEE Tive have just
received from friend in Denver
laundried shirt, valued at scventy-five
cents cut in the latest style and button
ing in the back. 1t is not only valued
present, but u curiosity which all should
see, and for few days we will have it
on exhibition at the Office
SETTLED OUT OF C0URT.-One of the
first libel suits started against this
paper was brought by DR.. King, the
druggist on Sioux Place. We stated that
the doctor was quack and fraud; that
he was skipper from the East; that he
did not know quinine from arsenic, and
THAT this climate would be sure effect his
health if he stayed few weeks longer.
A shyster lawyer named Davis made the
doctor believe that he had been damaged,
and he brought salt for a quarter of a
million.
Six months ago Davis spit on our hat
as we were coming out of the post-office,
and we had to pay S13 to bury him.
Three months ago the judge before
whom the case would have been tried
was thrown out of second-story window
in n saloon and killed. Four weeks ago
the doctor was hung by the boys up at
Penny Gulch for giving sick man
strychninc in place of calmel, and yes
terday we settled the case with his heirs
for q sack of flour and two dozen Michi-
gan clothes-pins. We have eleven others
on hand, aggregating about $1,000, O0O
and if any of the plaintiffs want to set
tie we will be open to a trade all this
week. though we shall limit them strict
ly to clothes-pins Detroit Free Press.