The Lamar register., 1890-11-08
WIT AND HUMoR.

tasthN FNtAiT 4S'NttH DNEkfttkt
People who say sharp things often
get the reputation of being blunt
baltimore american.
Druggists, however prosperous. al.
ways do business on small scale
Laurence american.
"Jimpson's brother Tom is going
crazy" We'll, he won't be very tired
when he gets there. ~ Y. Herald.
II all the good there is in thought
were put in deed earth would soon be
paradise.-FioreHce (Kan.) Herald.
II an ordinary man was muscled
like flea he could throw book agent
two miles.-iHdiGHapolts Rams Horn.
A race for favor in society is always
exciting. More than one has been
won bya neck.-Neic Orleans Picayuac.
The mau that can't sing and won't
sing deserves the sincere thanks of a
musical community.-Somsruilie Jour
nal.
Who gave Crnsus' bride away. her
faiherP There wasn't any giving
about it. CrGsus paid cash down
Epoch.
She-"How do you manage to think
among all the noise 10 the S ock Ex-
changer He-"We don't think
ChGitlr.
Truth lies at the bottom OF an ink
we'll. This explains why the post
script contains all the faets.-Ameri-
can Grocer.
Somehow or other the man who is
called on for speech just before your
turn always knows the best story
Eimfrr Gasstts.
II there is anything under the sky
at sight Of which the gods weep ii is TO
see woman trying TO do up L pack
age.-Rum's Horn.
George Washington wore a No. IL
boot Ii IS hardly necessary 10 state
2errs hIais EzpreSs.
We speak OF redcemiug Tomorrow
before We have purchased to-day; this.
too. when we are yet in debt for yes
terday. y.-Ateiis5H Globe.
Il want scrap book" This is a
book store not stationery" That's
all right; give me- the Life OF SuIli-
van. "-F4HGdelPhid Times.
An Austrian professor claims to have
discovered that tie soul is nothing
more nor less than the natural per-
mme Of the hair.-LgdiGngpo.is Rams
HJTn.
WiIc-"So they returned your man
uscripl. II Is too bsd.n Husband
(WhO thinks he can writc) Yes; that
is whaE the editor said about it,
boston Herald.
Blizzard Bill-'What We lookin' so
clum about. Bud?' Roaring Buffalo
-'Slusw heap stuck up-heap too
much stylei won. let big chief smoke
IN wigwam. Puck.
The average lie has to walk on
crutches within week. You have
never vet seen the truth in a drug
store trying 10 buy an artificial limb.
-Elr.iNtse Nctr5.
Mrs. Lushforth-. What excuse can
YOU oGcr for coming home IN such
c0ndition?' Mt. Lushforth
-.'Sozzer feller was -settin'-mup."-
Itrre Hg5f,e Express
Let's crlss over, here comes Buu-
Eer. He's the sleepicss man l ever
met" You can't blame him. Re-
member iha, he Is with himself all tho
time. ."-RIrPeT's GdFettc.
III my wife was (hic) here. she'd
say Chic) dis ish nice state (hic) to
come home 10. lis what (hic) call q
(lic) irt-elatcd condition. cos (hic)
I'm all alone (hic). .n-Bos!oH Herald.
sranger-''Why arc those police
men Lurrying around the corner?n
Citizen - There is going 10 be q
frht.n Where? Around the cor
ueran NO; il is going to be here
" !. World.
Visitor Ito native TeNan)-'Why do
you let the butt Of your revolver pro
trude out of your hip packet?' Texan
because there's law ag'in carry
in concealed weapons, stranger y
Brooeiyl LIFE.
What are You doing now. Tragedi-
cus?" "Tattooed man on the Bow
rry.r Get out" True. went
bathing in u hired suit last week and
I've looked the part ever since. ~.
j. Commercial Advertiser.
First Chcrub-"Wbo was that man
that ST. Peter just told to 90 below?
He seemed TO me good enough to
enter.n Second Cherub-"Shl That's
the chap who has been writing dia-
logues about him. ~ ]. sun.
They had been talking about feats
of strength. when Patsy, the tramp.
said: i once jumped my board bill
at IS day house." And ]. !" said the
',once fired whole hotel
with one hand. n-St. Joseph (Ho.)
Netcs.
Whenever caterer cuts his pie into
six pieces it is sign of low financial
condition or a deep design to get the
best OF his customers. No well regu-
lated public table ever has pie cut into
more than four pieces.-kGnsas Ctty
Ssgr.
First Citizen (at street row)-"ls
that man living in the ambulance one
of the iightels?n Second Citizen
NO he was passing at the time and
ricd to stop the fight. There go the
! ghters walking of now" = BoSto"
kerali.
4 Keniucky paper declares that none
If m. daughters of the Blue Grass
State would marry mere titles. Our
exchange is probably cor
Get. titles are too common in that
State to be very attractiye.-VdshIfg fg-
ton Post.
Cunso (despairinrly) : What on