Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-01-29
A PRACTICABLE SUPPER.
Instructing the Amateurs and Striking


From the Chicago Mail
eve bad walked back to town, Ned
and myself" said an undertow Thespian
in confidence to friend, land luckily
struck a chance to act in company
with some amateurs for charity benefit.
They wanted two professionals and we
caught on. We lived along for week
before the performance was given on
free lunches, nearly starved to death.
because we couldn't get cent from the
charity folks till we had rendered ser
vice. In one of our scenes Ned and L
we had low-comedy roles-Were to
sneak into house where table was
set for supper, and were TO take advan-
tage of the opportunity and eat every
thing in sight. The afternoon OF the
evening on which we were to act we
had the last rehearsal and an idea struck
ne. told them to get up the real thing
in the way of supper-that this thing
of having nothing but plates and knives
and forks and glassware on table Tor
supper wasn't art. and if they wanted
the performance to be anything OF asuc-
cess they must go in for attention to de-
tail, like Irving.
1.-The women of the movement agreed
to get up the proper kind OF supper
and have everything there in slap-up
fashion, and | let it GO at that. LII you
want things done you mustn't overdo
the Enthusiastically in amateur dra-
matte atfaIrs-'cause if you do they will
conclude that you have an Interior mo-
tive at once.
"The best Ned and | could get for
supper was a slim bite of crackers and
cheese in place where we had hung
up the barkeep', and lnasmucn as we
hadn't had a square IN weeks We were
mighty near Vanished. go when the
play came to the second act, and we
sneaked onto the scene, we nearly col
lapsed at sight OF that table. The good,
guileless women or the charity had set
out spread there that would do a
hungry actor good just to look at.
There was not tried chicken with cream
gravy, nice roast beef, and the finest
fried fish you ever saw. And the
vegetables Just every kind, and pre-
serves, and cakes, and lots or things
we hadn't seen since We quit living at
hotels.
Ned and ] were a couple of hungry
tramps IN the play, and it was our
business to manifest the EXTREMIST de-
light, and then with the greatest nerve
in the world sit down and go for the
supper, which, in the play, was waiting
Tor somebody else who was expected
every minute. We had only few lines
to speak and, at certain cue, the
owner of the supper was to say some
thing out in the wings to servant and
we were to scamper. Well, we sat down
at the table and our hunger held us.
We spoke a line or two, and then Ned
said, in his character:
1.-THE willis in little iron box under
the old cove's bed aside: 'outferln'
Cyrus, Jack, we never can leave this
good iced y
'And l said:
"'Wonder if we can find his room
without humping against anybody I,
Aside, Leave this? Well, hardly :?
Well stay here till we can't eat another
blasted bite.'
"'They say the old 'un keeps heap
o. money in that box, too, said Ned.
ASIDE: How the devil will we man
age it? The cue comes in my next
$50 much the better. Well get the
will and the money, too. The money'll
| be ours, an we can make the young I'm
come down handsome for the will.
Aside: Gag it. Don't give the cue.
Tell stories-anything.'
"Right here we broke away from the
lines of the piece and Ned said:
GU remember when we was a-visit-
in the Prince of Wales at Sandrlngham
and what spread he gave us?'
"'Like as if twas yesterday, says /,
eating away like all possessed, same as
Ned was doing, only it wasn't Sandring-
ham; it was at Marlborough House.
"'You're wrong said Ned, chewing
| away on thigh of chicken, 1T was
| Sandringham. l remember it especial,
| cause the Prince said to me, says he /:
| 'Where'd you get the sparks in the cuff
buttons
"'Nothing of the sort, says I, helping
| myself to lot of jelly and roast beef.
| 1t was at Marlborough House, cause
after dinner we played billiards on
that funny squatlegged table in the
! billiarc-room, and l beat the Prince
| scandalous.'
".Weli, whether it was Sandringham
or Marlborough, it was great spread.
Never had BETTER
Except one, says l.
"When?' says Ned.
eve were filling up mighty rapid, [
can tell you, and were spelling the
| looks of the table shameful. We made
| one speech last us on an average OF
| about bite to each word or two.
"'When we dined with the Ahkoond
of Swat says I. Ned nearly choked.
| The Ahkoond was a new one on
him. But he didn't let on. He just
said:
| "'Oh, yes; at Chaosville.'
| "'Correct,' | SAID, in Nomansland.
| What man the Ahkoond was =
''Then [ went on to tell funny little
characteristics of the Ahkoond OF Swat;
| how he had queer matrimonial sys-
tenn, and selected his wives by lottery
from among all the women OF his realm,
and how it didn't make any difference
| whether he Drew some other mans
| vie or not-he always took her. / Ella
borated on this, and Ned followed with
/ a reminscence of the Ahkoond as a
humorist. Told how he grabbed some
man at random IN crowd every month,
and cut off his head just for joke, the
fun being in keeping his subjects guess
inc as to who would be next.
''All this time the amateurs were
standing in the entrances looking at
us with speeches. establishment, and
wondering what on earth we meant.
Finally we finished, and Ned said:
"Ah fine old party, the Ahkoond.