Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-12-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Castles in the air do not bring in any
rent GalUeston Ne,cs.
You can easily fill the public eye if you
only have the dust.-Ne'o York Ms,os.
She-"He talks like book" He
"What pity he doesn't shut up US
easily. ."-Lite.
Clever tact will win in business, and
clever tacking will win yacht race
Pitts6urg Dispatch.
They fill our daily cup with gall
AS through the world we go,
These two: The man who knows it all
And he who ''told you So"
A level surface is fiat, yet there is
distinction between a level-headed man
aud at-headed one.-Pittsbuy Chron-
icle.
A dead man is given more charity than
he can make use of; living man isn't
given as much as he deserves. .-Atchisom
Globe.
"This is the worst snap ever struck"
remarked the woodchuck when he got
caught in steel trap. Binghamton Re-
publican.
Goslin-''I just gave him piece of
my mind, doucherl<now.P Dolly (anx-
iously)-''How could ydh spare it?"--
Munsey's Weekly.
She-"I hope you do not remain in
the parlor when your sister receives her
tiance" He-"No; cause I'm afraid of
the dark. Life.
She-"If you attempt to kiss me I'll
call mamma" He--"What would happen
then9" She-"Oh, nothing, for mamma
isn't at home. = Chicago Post.
The iceman now doth count with glee
The gold OF sumulers winning;
The coal man, too, exults; for he
viii now enjoy an inning.
We all want the elevator to wait for
us, but when we are in we don't like to
see it kept waiting any longer for any
body else Someryi1te Journal.
sUncle Jacobs, aren't you ashamed to
be seen here so often2" claws, y
Honah, dis place am respectable ter some
places where am seen. "-Racket
Snively-"Have you ever sailed in
birch canoe2" Snodgrass-"No;m my only
experience with the birch was when was
padded with it."-Munsey's Weekly.
.Irreverent9 Yes, indeed. Why, if
it were possible, it would be just like
him to sit around and MUNICH peanuts at
his own funeral. - Indianapolis Journal.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you,
Weep, and you weep alone;
Fail, and the world laughs at you;
Don't, and it's all your own
-Washinqton Star.
"Whatis the difference, papa, between
tour and iunket" ga number of
our own party makes tour. A junket
is the trip of a number of the opposition.
-Neo York Herald.
"And oh, Uncle Silas, had such a
lovely time last summer. Four other
Vassar girls and myself took tramp
through the Catskills." "Um-m-mi
But do you believe, Elizabeth, that the
tramp enjoyed lta"
'sAnd does that please you, Mrs.
Brown, that your husband calls you a
Xantippe in public?" "Oh, l don't
grudge him the little pleasure of trying
to make the world believe that he Is a
Socrates. ."-Fliegende Blaetter.
Watts-"Now, if 1 understand cor
rectly, the first principle of socialism is
to divide with your brother man." Potts
-"Then you don't understand 1t correct
ly. The first principle of socialism is to
make your brother divide with you. y
Indianapolis Journal.
Teacher-"Explain the difference be-
tween law and custom" Boy (who
owns a sailboat) -"Accordin' to law,
steamboat must give the right of way to
sailboat, but 'cording to custom the
sailboat has got ter make tracks or get
smashed. GOOD Neaos.
81 tell you, Mr.. jerks is a nice man. !"
$500" "Yes. / talked to him over an
hour, and he agreed to everything l said,
and never interrupted me bat once, and
that was to say that there was a bug on
my dress collar, and even then he apollo
gized. ~ Danscille Breeze.
A Reckless Promise. .-''Wife (who is
going to the country)-s'Will you come
TO see me next Sunday2" Husband
"Why, of course. I'll speed to you on
the wings of lovew Wife--"You come
then on the express trains" Husband
''Oh, no; the slow local train will suit
me we'll enough" Flie9ende Blaetter.
'.These barbed wire fences amt no
good" said the farm hand. II wouldn't
have one of 'em around the place if l
had my way" "Why not!n inquired
the stranger. They're cheap and
strong and keep cattle in better than
anything else" "That may be-" re-
piled the farm hand, 'sbut then feller
can't sit down on 'em. - Chicago Light.