Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-12-25
SPECIAL PLEADING.

Shc-And you really love met
He-Ges, my angel.
She-Oh but can't marry you. l feel
certain couldn't make you happy
He-Oh, but, dear, Pm of the most con-
tented sposition-you don't know how
easily pleased Epoch.
ABAD SIGN.
Patient-How do you dare to adver-
tise Teeth extracted without pain2"
Dentist-Why, didn't hurt you while
extracting that tooth. You were under
the influence of gas.
Patient know. 1t is your bill that
pains me.
IN "soCIETY."
There was little social gathering ~
the residence of Judge Pcterby, and
Colonel Yerger, who was present, OBJ
served the ladies, who were all together in
the parlor, were not very talkative, so he
said to Judge Peterby:
"How little those ladies have to say TO
each other"
"Just wait until one of them goes
away, and then listen to what the rest
have to say about her. You don't un-
derstand the fair sex, Colonel Yerger."
-[Texas Siftings.
GRACE AND CAKE.
Mr.. Bingo-Well, Tommy, what did
you learn at Sunday school day?
TOMMY learned how to say grace.
Mr.. Bingo-Let's hear it.
Tommy meekly)-It only goes with
two pieces of cake.
4 LUCKY MAN.
Patrick-Bc jabers. Oi waz boorn
lucky. Jist afther leavin' th' house this
mornin Oi was knocked down boi a
cab; wan block beyand that Oi were
caught in pavement explosion; block
beyant agin Oi were mistook for thafc
an cloobed boi polacemon; an phir
Oi got to worruk, a big stone from tn
buidin' fell an cracked me shoulder.
Bystandcr - Where does the luck
come in!
Patrick - Faith! Amt Oh aloivc
yet!-I New York Weekly.
TWICE HE wEPT.
Wife--Oh, George! Willie got hi
little hand caught in the folding doors
to-day, and crushed his fingers horribly
He cred and cried until | was really
frightened.
George - Poor little chap! 1 heal
him crying yet; where is he?
Wife-Oh, he's crying now because
won't let him do it again. Christina
| Puck.
HIS OPPORTUNITY.
Hc-Thcy tell me you are very smart
Miss Modesto.
Miss Modesta-Oh, no! think / an
one of the foolish virgins.
He-Well, then-perhaps-you woul(
marry mea
MENTAL ARITHMETIC.
Tramp-My pard says ye jist guy hir
ten cents fer havln one leg.
B. Nevolent-Yes, l did.
Tramp-Gimmie twenty won't yer
I've got two. i Good News.
FLATTERY ovERDoNE.
"Madam," said the tramp, suavely, t
the woman of the house, ''you will hsv
no objections, hope, TO my remainin
on your back porch a few moments
rest myself and inhale the odor of ths
delicious young prairie chicken you al
cooking
"How do you know it's young pra
rie chcken?" she demanded.
"Why, /"
GLOW do you know it isn't quail, {
venison, or Rocky Mountain sheepW
"Madam, assure you"
GLOW do you know it isn't canvasbac
duck, or Carolina ricebirds, or blue
winged teal, or diamond-backed terri
pinl"
'It seems good enough to be any G
them, / am sure, and"
'If you've got any use of that re
nose of yours" retorted the woman
"you know well enough it's a leather
old barnyard hen. She's been coollin
for six mortal hours and amt done YET
and I've got no time to waste on sneak
ing, hypocritical, tlattering, cold vitual
loafer. You git"
The tramp lost no time in obeying.
"The next house l tackle" he sal
savagely to himselfas he trudged on, 'I'
ask 'em for some of their fried live
scraps, by goshw--LChicago Tribune.