The Irish standard., 1890-02-15
Il / [ Is DRl' ii yO0D D

E1|Is iUMORou is DRlF IWOOD
sssSsA crate nuisanc bad coal.
The tailor's goose the dude.
Passing the time Going BY a clock
.ss Base inhospitality Turning out your
toes.
GallopiDg consump on-Dinner at 9
railway restaurant.
Lots of things would be different il
they were otherwise.
The latest name for n1atrimony is
s,committing twoicide."
Everybody complains of his gas bill.
and vet it is a light expense.
go .sDrop me a line" as the drowning
man said to the sailor on deck.
Why is badly-conducted MOTEL like a
fddle?-Because it IS vile-inn.
Why is Canada like courtship-Be'
eause it borders on the United States.
II am going to draw thus beau into a
knott as the lady said at the hymeneal
altar.
When lovers quarrel, what presents
made on either side are not returnedF
The kisses.
ANY fool can make money" said che
eonnterfeiter, "but it takes wise man
TO dispose of it,
a country paper advertises for sale a
pew which commands view OF nearly
the whole congregation.
It costs less to see doctor than 1t
does to have him come to see you, out
the apothecary man always gets there
just the same.
Wealthy old gent: ''What! Marry
my daughter! You are being supporter
BY your father" Suitor: YES sill; but
nv father is tired of supporting me.
and L thought I'd better get into an
other family"
Old friend to a grief-stricken widow:
II nope nv old friend Junker was fully
prepared to go" Widow, with her
handkerchief to her eyes: "Fully pre-
pared, Yes indeed! He was insured
in half dozen companies"
s'Going out again, Henry?" asked
MIS- Hartley reproachfully; there was
a time when you and I were never SO
happy as when we were alone" 'Well,
what of tha;?" was the unfeeling reply
II don't object to being alone noW.'
It Is said of a popular lecturer, that
on announcing to his wife, who had her
own opinion about his talents. that he
was going to lecture at She field, the
lady replied, "At Sheffield! Il NJ SO glad;
I always hated those Sheffield people,
Mr. Brown awakening from TWO
weeks, spree: '.Where am ~ Mrs.
Brown. wishing to make the awakening
az horrible as possible; You are IL
Hades." Brown: "And you here, too!
on nv punishment is greater than l
san bear!''
"My dear" said the wife OF the funny
man, s.have YOU finished your column
OF jokes. yet?'' Just finished 1t, dear"
.'W i'll you read to me?' with great
pl. asure; but why do you wish me to
read it at this time of night?'' Il want
to go to sleep.''
Spectator. to defendant: 'Well, l
guess the Jury will find for you. Inc
Judges charge was very much in your
favor. DON'T you think sop Defen-
dant, moodily: "Oh, knew all along
shat the judges charge would be all
right. It's the lawyers charge that's
worry1n' me-"
During the first battle Of Bull Run
brigadier-general discovered soldier
concealed in hole in the ground, ana
ordered him to join his regiment. Inc
man, looking him full IN the face,
placed his thumb upon his nose, and
replied: mo you don't old fellow; you
want this hole Yourself"
When at college, Surtees was waiting
On the dean on business, and feeling
,old, stirred tue fire. pray, MIR. Sur
sees," said the great man, lido you
think that any other undergraduate in
his college weuld have taken that
liberty?" Ives, Mr.. Dean" was the
reply; "anyone as cool as l am
Caring for the Laborers
The following extracts taken from !
o<toro writtan hv Cardinal Manning \