The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1890-11-27
Bliffkins Gets Into Trouble With an
Old Book.


II could have stood their slow coaches,
tallow candles, smoky fireplaces and oil
that, but those long SIS that they used
must have made life miserable. Why,
it was enough to drive them distracted.
They look so much like an f that you
can't tell the difference. don't wonder
people didn't learn to read in those days.
"You see 1 went up to the Public Lii
brary last Sunday afternoon, and think
ing would read something appropriate
to the time, took down an old leather.
backed volume of Bishop Tillotson's SER
mons and seated myself in secluded
corner OF the gallery to enjoy treat.
AS pried the discolored leaves apart |
was delighted to see that the date was
MDCCLXXII. 1t had that delicious
musty order which only comes from
books that haven't been opened for half
a century. No new. mown hay is half
80 sweet to me as that scented fragrance
of an ancient mildewed volume, and l
quaffed its germ.l ladened breath with
the gra.ified feeling that was inoculat,
ing myself with the spiritual microbes of
the old Bishop of Canterbury's mummi-
fed soul.
"In turning the leaves for good place
to dip in, my eye was caught by chap
ter with this strange heading, "All fefh
if graft" At first glance l thought it
was Syriac or Sanskrit, but it soon dawn
ed on me that these is were the old
fashioned long SIS. Why, of course
All flesh is grass now commenced
on the sermon, MY deareft hearerf, it
feems af if the bleffed pfalmift wifhed in
thif verfe to expref hif fenfe of fnful-
neff-' by the time I h ID read three
lines my head was in whirl, my throat
was dry and my tongue paralyzed. I
tried reading in an undertone, and would
get along pretty we'll for line or two till
I'd strike another lot of those confound.
ed long SIS, then I'd take another fit Of
suffering Finally, after sweating and
tussling with the thing for half hour
found was losing control of myself,
so put the Bishop back on his shelf to
rest another fifty years undisturbed, and
started to go down stairs. The librarian
kindly invited me to come again. re-
piled, 'Yef, flank you; I'll fome again
foon.' The young lady gave me start.
led look, as if to say, Poor fellow; he's
getting that way again.
"I went down stairs feeling like a
whipped hound. I knew I couldn't
trust myself to speak to anybody, and
80 took the back streets to avoid meet.
ing any one. just as I was going in my
own gate neighbor passed and I said,
'Pleafant evening, Milf Fmif.' She glanc.
ed At me with panied expression as if
she thought, .How badly his poor wife
will feel when he goes into the house in
that condition. sneaked around the
house and went into the wood. house
and practiced on the sound of g. half an
hour, till I thought 1 had my tongue
Strengthened out 80 I could talk pretty
well. went into the sitting room and
pretended to be reading the paper, all
the time in sweat for fear should have
to say something Presently the chill.
dren got to romping around and yelled
out, Fanny, you and Fairy flop that
fluff The children looked up sort of
scared and got very quiet all of sudden.
Sammy went and whispered something
to his ma, and she began to cry. This
was too much for me, and roared out,
'Fally, you feem to fink I've been down
to Fnyder'f falcon again. lisa miftake
I've frin to the Frublic Fribary and fried
to fread one of them frod frasted old
frooks-!-!!' By this time was
jumping up and down in a perfect frenzy.
The children were screaming and my
wife had the mysteries. The neighbors
rushed in, and when they got things
quieted down they found me out behind
the smoke-house trying to drown my.
self in the rainwater tub.
Next morning I found myself able to
talk pretty coherently, and explained it
all to my wife, just how it happened.
Since that, every time go down street
she tells me to keep away from that IL
brary. The other day she told me the
next time got hold OF one of those musty
old volumes just to leave the cork in it.
Pm afraid she still thinks I'd been IN
haling something else besides the must
of ages. I see the Chicago Library paid
Henry Probasco, of Cincinnati, $5, 900 for
one of his old books. wouldn't give
five cents. / wouldn't have it about my
house. Talk about the good old times.
Humph These times are good enough,
for me. If those old timers didn't know
the difference between an and an 8,
they can't write books for me. When /
buy books after this I'll look at the date.
Nothing back of 1900 goes.
The Suh.TraaSurv Sehamo