News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1890-02-06
TALK OF THE DAY.

When a woman wants the earth, 1t
is with a view Of giving 1t to some
man.
These days one does not need to join
a secret society in order to get the
grip.
A man who itches for fame must
scratch around lively to secure it
Epoch.
Miss Chestnut-''Did you sit under
the mistletoe?" Miss Walnut-''I din
MT have to-"
A young man whose girl went back
on him says that he sufferes from
heart failure.
The king of Siam has just married
twenty new wives-and yet people talk
about Siam ease.
Patti has one thing in common with
the Chicago girl-she can spread her
self over large aria
Quizzler What are YOU doing
nowP" Scribbler-'I am writing SEN
ator Boobies autobiography.
Family Pride.-Little Elsie Euder-
colt (of Boston, Mamma, when you
get to heaven won't you be an Ender-
colt againp"
"She's as sweet as sugar" adult
Grated sugar?' No. WhyP" "Oh,
l supposed it must be, she has a sandy
complexion"
.'Gollly!" gasped little Johnny as he
finished the second crock of stolen
preserves, 81 feel as if l had been
smoking pas pipe.'
"You say that both duellists fell
dead" Yes" Great heavens!
What were the weapons usedP" .The
American toy pistol"
He got the quarter. | give you
a cent, Bobbie, what would you do
with itP" 'Td buy a postal card and
write to you for quarter"
When you see man who kisses his
children in public, you may be pretty
sure that he keeps the seats of their
pantalOons well busted at home.
1t is said that the grippe microbe
clings tenaciously TO paper money.
People should, therefore. handle it with
the greatest caution, particularly $1,000
bills.
She Knew 1t Was Coming. He Cat
the balD-'Do you know | have de-
cided never TO get married." She
(hastily)-.'Let US go into the con-
servatory."
just Playing, MIR Jack Diamond
You hardly look on your marriage as
a serious thing" Mrs. Jack Dia mond
why. how could it be serious on
81, 800 a year?"
Ignorance Gained by Experience. -
"What does a man know about a wo-
mans dress, anyway" scorrfully ask
ed Mrs. b. He knows where the
pocket isn't, twas Mr.. B. s reply.
Mrs. Winks-''So you have taken
another companion for better or for
worse, ehP" Mrs. Secondtrip-.sOnlv
for better, my dear. He can't possibly
be worse than the other one was"
Fame may be ornamental, but il
isn't much use to the man who has to
hustle seventeen hours out OF the twen-
ty-four for his daily bread, with pie
never any nearer than the horizon.
Some fashionable young men wear
two pins in the necktie IT. Ia to be
hoped the pretty girls will not adopt
the fashion OF wearing two pins in the
belt. One often causes trouble enough,
The fuhniect thing in the career OF
the carousing cat is when he sits on q
back fence placidly watching a wo-
man trying to come within several
miles of him with job lot OF brio a.
brac.
A Temporary Gap in Society First
Newsboy-"Are yer goin' to de ball
dis evep" Second Newsboy Nav.
Me tailor forgot ter put Il handkerchief
pocket in me dresscoat and had ter
send it back"
Homogeneous Hopes. MIR. Bascom-
"Do you know what Silas Slick ex-
poets to be after he graduates from
collegepn Mrs Backlot oval, I've
heern that he has sanguinary hopes OF
bein' a missionary"
A boy with future. Tommy
said Chicago youngsters mother
there is great big blot on YOU
copy book ono, mamma, you're mis-
UetNon. InaT only period. Oul
teacher is awfully nearsighted.
She (Boston)-"Have you ever at
tempted dephlOgisticate the ecphrati
immiscibility of the pneumatologica
righteousness involved in tn
myrioramic protoplasm?n He well
not exactly. But I've eaten scrapple
Needed Regulation Mr.. Soaker-s'
see that the postmaster-general hope
to regulate the mails Mrs S. (wh
was awake. when he came home at
a. IN. DWELL he may we'll expen,
some of his efforts about this locality!'
Rescuer Ito beautiful rescued) ID
see you are fair and bewitching, but
can woo and win you. | am married.
Rescued-"But, George, it is /, your
own wife" George - "Pshaw!
never did have real romance in my
life"
Question of Woman's Sphere. DO.
nestle mani pity Patti. She
would be much happier at home with
little children about her." Practica
friend-''But think of her singing q
baby to sleep with $1,000 a nigh
voice"
Physician Ito Mrs. Col. Blood, O
Kentucky)-''How did your husband
pass the night Mrs. Blood?' Mrs
Blood-''He seemed quite comfortable
sir, and asked for water severa
times" Physician with a grave look
-''H'm-still Eighty"
Mrs. Smitem-'B Bobby. you bad boy
have you been fighting with Tommy
Slimson againP Dear, dear! 1 shall
have to get you a new suit" Bobby
That's nothing, ma, You ought t.
see Tommy Slimson. His ma maN
have to get her new boy"
Most women have,-Caller--" How
old is your sister, JohnnieP" Johnnie
~ - N
in the Bible; that's "a; the other is the
one she tells people-20." Belle Csud-
denly appearing with terrible empha-
sis)-"Johnnie, mother wants to speak
to YOU"
Educating the Horse.
The MN who undertakes To adrcatfs