West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-09-04
In my better halrs mother nnd not

Egbert-I reckon IL is. i never found
fire I'm my room yet.
Scribblerus-Did you like my last bookf
Miss Pert-O, have you written your
last oDe7 I'm 30 glad
Judgo-You ought to go to sea.
Sot-Why, ledger
Judge-You are no good on earth.
Mr.. Whitewings-Say, 1 hear you've
been calm me fool.
Unclo-I didn't call yer fool. amt
no sech fool as ter say eberyting thinks.
Mother-Yes, Willie, IL you are good
boy you will go to Heaven when you die
and have gold harp TO play on.
Willie-l don't want harp; want
bicycle and base ball.
Bessie-DeGarry tried to kiss Miss
Lovelorn last night.
Jennie-Did he succeed
Bessie-He desisted as soon as he
found she didn't object.
% Is this n fire insurance Officer"
" es, can we write your insurance1"
Perhaps you can. You see, my en-
ployer threatens to fire me next Saturday
and I'd like some protection.
Lady Ito tramp)-Of course, II I give
you your breakfast you will do a little
work for me.
Tramp (politely)-Oh, certainly, mad.
Agitated young bridegroom Ommedl-
ately after the ceremony)-Serena, shall
shall l-shall we-shall we kiss?
Self-possessed bride cher third expert
encc)- 1t Is my usual custom, William.
Papa-I hear you were n bad girl to-
day, and had TO be spanked.
Small Daughter- Mamma Is awful strict.
IL I'd known she used to be a school
teacher, I'd n told you not to marry her.
These arc my household gods" no
said to her as he entered his bachelor
apartment
" But you lack something" she said.
"What Is that7"
"a household goddess. .
A sharp little boy in Georgia, who was
kicked by mule, instead OF saying
naughty words or going home crying to
his mother, tied the mule within five feet
OF n beehive. backed him round to II and
let him kick.
Why do they always speak OF Eng
inh rs she is spoke instead of calling
it'itr"
"Oh, suppose It Is because language
for the most part belongs to the feminine
gender"
Elegantly attircd splnster-I SEQ you
advertise for cash girls?
Merchant-Yes, ma'am; but
Elegantly attired spinster-Well. I
have fifty thousand in my own right.
What's wanted p
TheyAllUnderstood VIII the young
est girl In the room please rise 2" said n
Sunday school superintendent I'm rural
district.
Every female stood up, including the
gray-hcaded teacher.
Papa" said Willie tho other morning
as his eye caught sight OF his fathers
bald head, why don't you wear a mat
on your roof" IL was said so cunningIy
that papa had not the heart to beat the
child for the impudcnce OF it.
He-Now that you have made me the
happiest OF mortals, can l kiss your ,.
sne (Girton girl)-Never having had
any personal experience OF your oscula-
tory abilities, Mr.. Gesner, do. not know
IL you can; but you may.
Hueband-Are there any oysters In the
house2
Wife-only two, and you can't have
Husband-Why'
Wne-Johnny's been in street fight.
and they are on his eyes.
" Can you tell me where I'll find the
SENATOR p said the wife OF prominent
servant OF the public to page at the
Capitol In Washington.
es, ma'am he is In the anteroom."
" Dear! dearl That man seems To
think OF nothing but cards. "
" No" said Gus De jay. "Idon't care
much foh these temperance people, Won
know, but should nevah think of put
ting an enemy into my mouth to steal
away my brains"
And IL you did" said friend OF his.
IL would be agood Joke on the enemy"
q" Smith used to DO one OF the ouietest
men going" remarked Jones the other
day, " mild and inoffensive, but now /
near he is constantly I'm hot water with
his Delghbors."
"Oh! WE'LL" said Brown, "you must
know that he has lately bought dog"
Driver (on street car line)-What do
you mean, sir, by splitting all over that
seat7 ''''''
Old Mountaineer-Huh! WHY. that
sign says not to spit on the floor. AM
Their winders is fastened down, an there
amt no spictoons. Where In thunder do
you expect a Teller TO spit2
Wife (cuttIngly)-You ought TO no
proud OF the opinion folks entertain of
YOU Jonnnys teacher to-day remarked
70 him that he must have q fool for n
father.
Husband-Ohi don't mind n little
thlng ike that. The poor man evidently
has met you somewhere, my dear. and
naturally Inferred that the man who mar
ried you was an idiot.
After the conventional embrace the la
dy from Chicago goid 4" Tou must have
had very firing day, Mrs. Blank -
" Yes, indeed, have, dear, and feel
very much fatigued."
1es-l never saw you look so pale. ~
Oh, that's powder" broke I'm the ak
yeor-old infant terrible, Mise Nellie. who
had not been spectator Ina her mother'a
boudoir for nothing. ..,..~~.-,.,
"Georgew
1t wasn't what she snid 80 much az the
way In which she said IT, She took the
word and drew IL out until IL was long.
tremulous fliment OF sweetness. Vet.
there was tinge OF r3proof in her tone.
" GcorgoW Sho ouiy said &c once In
reality, but 10 Is custou4ry with sto,-l-
writer's 90 say George twice under tbeSe
circumstances.
" What is &C. ?"
" You have boon Squeezing nv hand
with great regularity aud emphasis for
some time"
know IT," ne replied, with the
frankness that was characteristics OF his
manly nature
Please don't do Il any more ~ and
hnr voice drcrtraH ofr,rI-f -