Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1890-12-07
Funny Facts and Notions.

Primus: Does he foot his wife's bills ?
Secundus: I've seen him kick at them
The Epoch.
The man who has never been dissatis-
fed can never realize contentment-
Eimira Gazette.
The most grateful man is tho one for
whom you have done the least.-COn-
SumCr'S Journal.
1t IS not so much the present dance OF
the Indians that interests the country as
what will be their next step.-Phiiadet-
phia Times.
As rule the young husband is willing
to Join his wife's church, but it is his
privilege to fix the political status of the
family.-DatLas Nelos.
An Irishman wrote home to his friends
over tho briny that in this blessed land
everybody is so honest a reward has to
be offered for thieves. Indianapolis
RAMS Horn.
Bagley Oh, you live on Cottage ave-
nue. right back of Major Magruder !?
Pompano No, Major Magruder lives
on Belgian avenue, night back of me-
HarDer'S Bazar.
Fond Mother: I hardly know what to
do bout Eddie; he's so backward bout
learning to read. Caller: Teach him
Hebrew that reads backward. -Har-
per's Young Pcopte.
off you can't afford fancy pen-wipers,
stick your pens into raw potato, says
a writer who is evidently uniformed on
the price of potatoes this winter.-Pitts-
6urgh Chronicle Telegraph.
McFingle How much do you charge,
Doctor, for attending patient? DR..
Hitone My terms arc so visit. Nc
Firgle Oh, we don't want you to visit
us-just to come in for a short time, you
ow.-BOstOn Traveller.
A man never buys thing that his
wife does not say he was cheated. A
woman will admit that her husband has
selling sense, but che believes that all
the buying eenss in the world belongs
to women. GLOBE.
Mr.. Newwed: Ny dear, 1 wish you'd
tell that cook that we don't like our beef
steak burned and don't want our roasts
raw. Mrs. Newved Tell her? How
can ? She never comes into the par
lor. and she won't let me 60 into the
kitchen. York Weekly.
ooh. sir /" gasped boy who ran up
to policeman on Gratiot avenue, "there
is an awful fight going on over here on
st. Aubin !" "Who's fghting?" "My
father and another man." "How long
have they been at it?" "Oh, half an
hour" but why didn't you come be-
fore?" "Why, because dad was getting
Nellie Well. Edie, how do you like
gong to school? Edie cher first expe-
rience) don't like it ! Nellie Why,
Edie, what's the matter? Don't you
like your teacher ? Edie No; / don't
like her one bit She put me in chair
and told me to sit there for the present,
and sat, and sat. and sat, and she never
gave me any present at all !--Bostoa
Budget.
Little Ethel had sent back her plate
for turkey three times and had been
helped beautifully to all other good
things that make a big Thanksgiving
dinner. She was looking rather sadly at
on unfinished dish of ice-cream. "What's
the matter, Ethel 2" said Uncle Jack
"you look mournful." "That is the
matter" was the reply. 81 am more'n
full" And Ethel doesn't know why
everybody laughed.-BuDalo Express.
This is one OF Lady Bulwer's stories
OF the society lady /: "Who is this Dean
Swift they are talking about2" she
whispered to Lady Bulwer during q
pause in the conversation. 81 should
like TO invite him to one of my recep-
TONS "Alas, madam, the Dean has
done something to shut him out OF So
ciety." dear me, what was that
"Well, about hundred years ago he
died. The Illustrated american.
Some OF our exchanges are bothsring
themselves about the following editorial
paragraph which appeared in this paper
"Had Birchalls manner in life been
worthy his manner in death he wouldn't
have died in the manner he did" Nov,
will some OF the hiehly-esteemed con-
temporaries tell us what Is the matter
with that paragraph? The more we
ponder over 1t the stronger becomes our
opinion thatit 10 . beauty. = Cincinnati
Gnnssn>rciak G0sctla