Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-04-27
THE TOPICAL TALKER.

Credit rs Perfume Depends on Various
| Things-The Policeman at the Capital
His Guild. Book-A Gold Mine for Solons
| Closed-How to Learn the Topography
| of Washington.
| WASHINGTON, D. C., April 26.-A heavy oil
lamp, such as serves to illuminate rail-
road car, does not punctuate sentence pref
tily If it falls upon ones head it is apt to put
a period abruptly to the matter in hand.
learnt to appreciate this fact coming over to
| the Capital from Pittsburg on the B. d o. the
other day. A double lamp broke loose IN some
| way from its ingenious moorings and fell with
| a crash into the aisle. There would have been
| no account of the incident in this place had
that lamp veered three inches to the left in its
descent, As it was the crash scared everybody
in the car, but hurt no one. The calmest per-
son in the car was the brakeman, typical
Southerner in the matter of equanimity. As he
looked at the shivered glass the ten pounds or
more of brass work and the little pool of oil,
he remarked confdentially and officially to
stout drummer: "If that lamp had fallen upon
anyone it would have hurt himF'
Undertakes are kept busy attending to hurts
of this kind
THERE was a slight odor of oil after the lamp
had come in," SO to speak. and this led
my companion to remark that ones apprecia-
tion of petroleum as perfume depended upon
circumstances almost entirely.
For example," said this philosopher, when
Judge Over struck oil on his land, at Hays
vile, he happened to be near the derrick when
the well flowed. He tripped, l understand in
his efforts to get out of reach, and light
shower of petroleum bespattered his clothes.
For several days afterward it was common
talk about the Court House that oil had been
struck in the Orphans Court There certainly
was odor of oil about the bench in that
room. Some affectionate friend ventured to
sympathize with His Honor In having to carry
SO pungent a reminder of his derrick associa-
tions.
"'Ohl don't feel concerned about that my
dear SIR Judge over replied, oil smells mighty
sweet when you find it on your own land!
ONE of the first impressions had in Wash
ington was that it must either be "unco
guild" or very badly policed. 1t was somewhat
singular to walk dozen blocks on Pennsylva-
mia avenue, when the road was full of rattling
gurneys, hansoms, hacks, be-lamped brough-
AIMS, omnipuses, horse cars and other vehicles,
and great crowd of Congressman tramps,
Senators, sports, soldiers about every other
kind of citizen occupied the sidewalks, when
the stores were blazing with light and the
manity and architecture in Washington in its
most attractive aspect at 8 o'clock In the even
ing-1 say it was somewhat singular to walk a
mile of the chief avenue in the country's capi-
tai and never see single officer of the law in
blue and brass buttons. 1t is probably true,
however, that Washington is neither too af-
ficted with virtue, nor abDormally deficient in
police protection. Since then 1 have seen
plenty of policemen; tall, civil and Intelligent
men they are too. If it is hard to find one oc-
casionally, as some observers insist is the case
in other cities up and down the land-in Beer
sheba for instance-the policeman in Wash
ington is jewel when you discover him.
Only this morning, having been thoroughly
confused and entangled by that arch-deceiver,
the Capitol. with its many fronts, its innumer
able approaches, and solemn assertion in
marble that it is always exhibiting the points
of the compass. sought refuge and comfort in
benevolent policeman, who was killing time
and flies-incidentally with his club-in the
portal of the National Hotel, on Pennsylvania
avenue. 1 asked but a simple question-to wit:
Where is the Treasury Department f'
A simple question; but, oh what an answer
received. 1t was as If had asked for bread
and received not a stone, but two sacks of -four
and kneading trough.
Said the blue-coat-the report can only be
ing; Yes sir. You 60 down the avenue as
straight as you can go. 1t is II blocks or So
better take that yellow car coming this way
you're a stranger here? All, 1 thought So
well. after you've seen the Treasury. the Cor
coran Art Gallery's righ. handy-and the
White Houses opposite-the grounds are very
pretty-then the Bureau of Engraving and
Printing. and the" but the horse car came up
at this moment. and we had to leave that most
obliging poll ce man without complete guide
to Washington.
NTAsHINGToN, in its civic and non-political
sense. is greatly agitated just now about
the new postofice, that seems likely at last to
be built The postofice the city now has would
be disgrace to town of 10000 inhabitants.
Everybody has acknowledged its inadequacy
for the last ten years. Pittsburg knows how
long it takes to get new postoffice, but WASH
ington hasn't even reached the site determine
tion point yet.
But Congress is on the verge of deciding to
take the whole lot next to the present Post
Office Department building, closing the street
which intervenes A part of this will be de-
voted to the local postotice. The gossip is that
Congress would not decide upon the site-now
debated for seven or eight years-if the numer-
Gus real estate syndicates, who have been try
ing to get the Government to buy their proper
ties, had not given notice that they proposed to
buy no more free and incorruptlble Congress-
men 1t is said that some Legislators have
provided for their families handsomely out of
tn postoffice siIe-so it cannot be asserted that
all this delay has been for nothing. The mar
ket has closed now, however, and Uncle Sans
mail service will have home commensurate
with its needs-some day.
,rI,o, r ~,
the White House gates to-day, begged me
not to be discouraged in attempting to master
the topography of this town.
you'll find everyone ready to teach you"
said he "even down to the hackmen and cab
drivers, who are so uncharitably called Ish-
maelites here and everywhere. There is one
place in Washington that shall never forget
A cabman fixed it in my memory forever. He
didn't do it quite gratuitously; dollar was all
he charged. You'll find that about the
schedule rate 1t was my first visit to Wash
lngton-several years ago. l landed late at
night at the Pennsylvania Railroad depot. 1
went out into the cold Washington world. and
a cabman took me in at once. He asked me
where wanted to 90 as he shoveled me into
his diabolical vehicle, and replied simply yet,
as l thought, prudently: The National Hotel
how muchT He said a dollar. New York |
cabmen had taught me to look upon dollar as
the lowest price for ride anywhere.
1T seemed to me that that cabman drove in |
a circle to reach the National Hotel, very !
likely he did, but was not cognizant of the |
facts till the next morning, After transacting |
some business with friend at the hotel pre- |
pared to leave again for New York. The |
friend speak of came to the hotel door with |
me- and remarked that 1 guessed I'd take a |
cab. |
"a cab?" he repeated of me, "a cab to take |
you across the stfeet-why there's the depot"
and 1 became aware that the Pennsylvania |
railroad station was not half a block away. 1 |
have never forgotten that fact. The cabman |