The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1890-01-21
STAND TOPICS,

STAND ARD TOPICS.
A Minneapolis paper says that Sarah
B~ernhardt has ''crcated u new character"
We trust that IL is better than her old one.
A new railway i'm Wisconsin is called
''the Waukesha, P~ewaukee, Oconomowoc
and EASTERN" We predict IL will be
called 1.-THE Jaw-Breaker' FOR short.
An erratic statesman in Kentucky is
one who will not drink whiskey nor bet
on u horse race. He cannot he long for
this world-at least that part of 1t known
rs Kentucky.
An undertakers' journal adj ~,ertises "a
new and complete eInbalmer'' which also
''can he used as n fire extinRuisher." II h
dead can take il with them it ought to
have n large sale.
The Albany Argus notes with regret
that the king of Spain has waath-red the
GRIPPE" We shall miss such interesting
items by cable as, ''his majesty takes
BROTH this majesty woke i'm the middle
of the night and called for mammal"
Speaker Reed, we learn, is not a great
puffs n pipe at intervals. He considers
chewing bad form; but il is doubtful
whether he will be able to prohibit il
OIL the floor of the house.
The Spokane Falls Rerie,c observes that
that aluable contemporary. the Coagres-
sioaai Record, appears to he i'm financial
straits. Recent ISSUES are greatly reduced
i'm size. II il barely possible that the ag-
ricultural editor is sick and The baseball
reporter drunk.
One Of Spokane's representatives in the
Washington legislature has introduced a
bill compelling publishers of
to attach the authors name to each arti-
Gle published. This will he "a mighty hard
blow upon '~,Taxpayer." ''Citizen." PRO
Bono Publico," and LAW and Order"
of the negroes and their colonization in
Africa, meets with little favor. The sen
ator il receiving pretty severe treatment
at the hands of his critics, but we trust
that his wrath will not be SO great as to
make him grow black in the face himself.
Prohibition il Triumphant in South Da-
kota. As a result there arc no saloons i'm
that ambitious, hut poverty-stricken young
state. There are places, however. known
by the euphonious name of ''blind pigs"
to which the thirsty rancher repairs to
quench his thirst when he escapes the
vigilance of his energetic spouse. One of
the latter, recently finding that the pro-
ceeds Of q mortgage on the farm had
been absorbed to pays prohibition whisky
bill in one of these places. rallied her
~neighbors and set upon the 'blind pig"
routing il with great slaughter OF bottles.
The OBeQO71t0u II lncl1ne0 I'd believe that
the %wonlan's fury was justly aroused. but
was not well placed. An onslaught OH
the man who carried the proceeds Of the
mortgage to Tho blind pig would have
been much more to the point, as il would
have liked the blame where il belonged,
and visited the penalty on the real Of
fender.
ePlsTLe TO THE cALiPH INGAlLz.
The Caliph to the Caliph
Ingallz, commander OF the faithful in the
province of Kanznx, lord of the wind
bags and keeper of the bloody shirts, greet
ing peace. happiness and DOODLE he with
thee and thy seed forever; may thy
mouth increase, even AS thy head; and
thy voice he as the strong roar of q sea.
All thy messages were received by us i'm
duo season; and diligently did we give
heed to thy steers. For though we were
not ignorant Of the way we should 60
about this thinQ and fix up the business
required Of us even in the highest style OF
the art. yet was thy Counsel thrice well
come and thy positive assurance of q seat
for us at the palace of the sultan exceed
ing sweet. For thy messages were M
strong cocktails from the province OF Jer~
sey. They did brace Our backbone. Yen.
the elixir of gall squirted they into our
nerves. We rose up afresh and smote the
enemy N new smitc.
Long have we toilesl and hard. For the
dogs of Christians do overrun this prov
ince and are wroth because no show In
given them. IL nlleth them with rage
TO see Mussulmen rule over them.
and they swear by their gods IL shall not
he, no, not II they know IL. Wherefore
them that aro ira high places and give
them n choke; else would they put the
faithful out and give us even the shake
forever. Would, q caliph. that thou
didst know Richards. our good and faith
full eunuch. The time was when We did
Rprl aRrnkl last ma hnd noA tho ucrs,a IN dO