The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-05-22
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JOHN ALIENS FIRST LEGAL VICTORY
A Bad Case Made Good by Profound
Opinion from the Classics.

Private John Allen of Mississippi
who became the wit of the House o!
Representatives with the death of Sun
set Cox, tells good story on himself
of how he came to be profound law.
Yer.
A party of members were telling yarns
in the cloak roo ON of the House yester-
day, and when Aliens turn came he
told this one:
Il want to tell you of the greatest
legal victory of my life said Allen, as
he lighted cigar and propped his feet
against the wall in true Southern style.
1t was down in Tupelo. during the
trying period just after the war.
WAS at that time practicing lawyer
that is, practiced whenever had any
cases to practice with. One day old
Uncle Pompey. one of the old negroes
of the settlement, came into my office
and said:
4" Mars John, l wants you to crar
ME. Use gwine to be rested for steal.
in of two hams out'en de cross-road
store
Well, Pompey, | asked, did you
steal the hamsp'
Mars John. Just took 'em'
Did anyone see you?' | asked.
'''Yts. Boss said the old negro.
disconsolately, two ole white buc<ra's
Well, Pompey, l replied, i can't
do anything for you under the circum.
Stances
Now, Mars John SAID old Pom
pey. here's ten dollars. | jist want
you to try
well, | consented to try" said AL
len. The case was to be heard before
an old magistrate named Johnson. He
was totally uneducated, and was more
over perfect dictator. and no negro
ever came before him who was not fined
the maximum penalty and sent to his
field to eXpate the crime in the sweat
of his brow
"The magistrate heard the case.
Every possible proof was brought to
show that Pompey stole the hams.
There could be no doubt of it from the
testimony. | did not put single ques-
ton to any of the witnesses, but when
the testimony was all in | arose, and in
my most dignitied manner addressed
the magistrates:
May it please your Honor, it would
be useless for me to argue the position
he holds, and before one who would
adorn the Superior if not the Supreme
Court bench of this grand old Common
wealth. And | may say that those who
know you best say that you would
grace even the Supreme Court of the
United States. the highest tribunal in
the land. 1t will be useless to dwell
upon the testimony. You have heard
it, and know the case as well as | do.
However, it may not be out of order
for me to call your Honor's attention
to a short passage in the old English
law, which clearly decides this case and
which, for the moment, your Honor
may have forgotten
Then fished down into nv pocket
and drew forth, with Il great flourish,
an old copy of Julius Cesar Iopen-
ed it with great dignity at the first page
and read the line which is familiar to
every schoolboy, 'Onania Galiia IN
parties tres diuisa est. That decides
the case, said |, throwing the book up
on the table. That clearly acquits the
defendant
with great dignity and solemnity
then took my seat. The old magistrate
was completely nonplussed. He looked
at me moment quizzically and scratch
ed his head. Then, turning to Pompey.
he raised himself to his full height and
said:
'Pompey, l know you stole them
hams, but by the ingenuity of your
lawyer I've got to let you 90. Git ont,
said he, as he planted his No. in the
seat of Pompey's pants, and if You
ever come here again, lawyer or no
lawyer, you git six months. '"-ANanta
cfi III