Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-07-06
THE TOPICAL TALKER.

Oliver Wendell Holmes-Elngs In De-
mand-A Spoonful Too Much.
THE accident by which costly display of
fireworks was brought suddenly to naught
at the Kenmawr hotel on the evening of the
Fourth has often happened before. corre-
spondent tells me that some ten or twelve years
ago great many people were invited by gen.
tie man to see the fireworks with which he pro-
posed to celebrate the Fourth at his beautiful
suburban house. The evening was fine and
several hundreds of spectators were seated on
the lawn when the appointed hours O'CLOCK
drew near. The host himself superintenoeu
the arrangement of the fireworks. one Sc.
piece with the words "welcome all "
blazoned in fire went of all ngnr
and then a terri fc explosion shook the
earth and air. The lawn took on the
appearance of Vesuvius in eruption, ana the
guests initiated as best they could the famous
fight of the inha bitants of Pompeii on SINH
lar occasion. But the panic OF course was
stayed pretty soon; the guests sat down to sup
per and all was lovely again when the horrible
report spread through the room that the genial
host was not to be found. 1t was limited that
he ha gone up prematurely with the rockets
His family was terribly alarmed until the
ooachman came in from the stables with
message from his master saying that he was
not seri ously hurt, but did not have any appe-
tite for supper.
He did not show up at home for three days.
He had not been wounded physically, but his
pride had received an awful blown 1act
mental modification had set In.
a MOTHER accident of the same sort. re-
member dashed the hopes of great Lon
don merchant some years ago. He mad mar
ried a lady of title and was anxious to force tne
entrance to aristocratic society with gun
powder, as it were. The Prince of Wales had
just then begun to unbend towards his loyal
subjects who had m oney, influence and COM
mercial position to compensate for the lack OF
blood. So when he was invited to attend a
garden party with a fireworks finale at the
city magnate's place near Surbiton he gra-
ciously accepted. to the sur prise of his host
almost to his CONSERVATION. OF course this
royal condescension assured the success of the
event socially. Some of the greatest names in
the peeragc appeared below those of the royal
guests in the columns of the Post the next
day. But there was nothing about the
great display of fireworks, of which descrip-
t1ons in advance had been published. The re-
porter was not to blame for the omission. 1t
was the carelessness Of an under-gardener,
who managed about half an hour before the
rockets and set pieces-loyal notices and taffy
have delighted the patrician throng upset a
tank of water over two-thirds of the outfit
There was no time to procure others, and an
apology had to be rugged up and presented to
the Prince. The satirical sheets had lots OF
fun with the father of the f1asco.
THE vigor of intellect which DR.. Oliver Wen.
dell Holmes displays at his advanced age is
a wonder and delight to his myriads of ad-
IL -r.t - h1-,-
ing in the Atlantic Monthly over his own sigma
ture have nearly If not quite the unique charm
OF the original papers which made the Auto
crat of the Breakfast Table, immortal But
beside this literary evidence of DR.. Holmes re-
tention of his great powers, heard yesterday
a story which shows that he shines still in the
art of conversation.
a sHo RT time ago a clergyman of this city.
he himself man of unusual learning, lit
erary achievements and ready wit. called upon
DR.. II dimes in Boston. The Autocrat was in a
delightful humor-when Is he notf and con-
versed with his visitor in that inimitable way
of his with which we who only know him by
his books are yet acquainted. BY ard by the
conversation turned upon the comparative
merits of the professions, the ministry and
medicine DR.. Holmes insisted that the doctor
could do more for his fellow man than the
clergyman could. The Pittsburg divine would
not agree to this.
Take the matter of putting men to sleep, for
instance" said DR.. Holmes, with q twinkle in
his eye.
How can you make anything out of thatr'
asked the clergyman.
Easily enough" DIR. Holmes answered tri-
umphantly. II certainly have the advantage
of you there; for, while you can put men to
sleep temporarily. can make their sleep eter-
nalw
T ATE on the afternoon of the Fourth en-
- countered the proprietor of the store where
most of the flags and banners used in this city
are bought. A friend of mine wanted q mod
erate-sized Stars and Stripes for the culture of
patriotism at home. 1t was a request for such
a flag which made the dealer say: II have sold
every flag had but two of the largest size, al
though this year I designed my order to the
manufacturers far in excess of what thought
the demand would be. There were never so
many national flags sold in Pittsburg as there
were this year. hear that this is true Of the
country at large. Every man seems to wish to
own the Stars and Stripes in some shape"
This surely speaks favorably of the growth
of the national feeling It is fortunate, in
deed, that the flag which stands for SO many
flag on earth in which color and form are SO
happily blended.
a LADY who is studying the occult science of
cookery has observed that PittsDurg's
good friend, Miss Parlva, is fond of saying in
her recipes "a level spoonful Of such-and-
such an article. The story has nothing to do
with cooking, but am reminded of it by Miss
Parlva's pet phrase.
A small boy, more or less the light Of certain
household and the scourge of the nelghborhood.
showed signs OF acquiring the complexion OF a
leopard. That Is to say his mother noticed that
her treasures face was becoming terribly spot
ted She called the family doctors attention
to the trouble, and he said in the brusque Off
hand way we all know SO well: "Give him a
level teaspoonful of birthstone every day."
The doctors word was law in that family and
a considerable shipment of birthstone was pro-
cured at once. Omitting the details of admin
istration we may pass on to the next visit of the
doctor to the family of the spotted boy.
well. how's TommyP" was the doctors first
question.
"Oh, he's very much worse. AS you ordered,
I gave him IL spoonsful of birthstone and he's
been raising ="
ELEVEN spoonsful! 1 never ordered that
many" shouted the doctor as he nervously
sprang up the stairs towards Tommy's room.
"a level teaspoonful was what said
At a restaurant in this city where they take
l longer to prepare lunch than the United
States allows for taking the census. a man in
the first stage of inebriation actually drove q
waiter into quick action. It was done in a
moment, too. He had ordered sandwich and
after the lapse Of about 20 minutes the waiter
he N
ought to lay off now. 1t took you eight hours
to bring that sandwich and eight hours Is long
enough for any man to work"
HEPBURN JOHNS.
CHRIsTIANITYs CRITICS,