Telegram-herald., 1890-11-08


eeat advertisement fr0A Yokohama
paper. "A an srosllsnt sxanp2s Of
japanese English:
Fax ssAs.
Bor PsDDer1 trt Ca
ks1e From I've Really Ls>sz
Ca Dc carsbls f0E ths siczGsss u
Ma FsnAls o. Sos.
Dszsy.-Uss % pal "a wtps fo~ dr0ps % ne
foFshe s1 oSthsidss ua1sr eve DF0ws. nossaoiss.
ssc DSsAsiass Ne sao< q ssss-
Fewer er-wips on sAs forsAssS saa nossho@sel
Fn-wtps moss u the asssAOles sa1 drixk .
fs~ drops nikst win tea
otfoy.-Wips sStAsises Of tosenese. snd nose
hoisss
Cio4s OF Goztsvolisa--Vipe bc,hsidos q
fOr-Aes1 sosshsles Asa raass " the breast
HsAa.cas.-wfps "a the fsrsssAd aad nose
hOtes Believe a.
raleaa osse ostside Brass snish Road
Our American newspapers abound IN
savertisementse ef such odd and ingeni-
cas varieties that ono 10 ~ iDss which
" select As examples Of the NEST origi-
nal More amusement Is afforded BY
the colsmn devoted 10 ''vAnts" per-
tap~. than Aay other department. sancs
tew Of these oocAsioasl advertisers seem
aud punctuation, and. therefore,. anless
corrected By the printer. their announce
ments are apt 20 appear IN a guise alto
gether foreign to ths real meaning Of
tho wriser.
A Boston clergyman. in q hastily
written advertisement asks for "A
young man 10 take care OF span OF
horses OF = religious turn OF mind" and
another person wants "A nurse in .
small gen.leman's family" A Tsxss
man applies for BOSS hand over five
thousand sheep that can speak spanish
fuently"
Bat such advertisement ss are innumcr-
able and really. In the opinion of the
writer, no. half so interesting rs Is the
grim humor displayed In such a. this,
which comes from \ gravestone cutter
fn the Pine Tree State:
'-Suca - buy tonbstoaes Of a. look with
pride aad satisfaction upon the graves Of thsar
frienos'
Or this from an Illinois undertaken.
"An elegsnt stock Of neat and Eob6y shrouds.
warranted 70 give satisfaction 10 the most par
ceular."
The chic, requisites for successful
collector OF Bad debts in a certain South
ern State is smusingly illustrated by
the following, which Is a genuine adver.
tisment:
we desire N sble-bodsed ard featured csd-
tempered not to-oc-put-of and not 10 ee-o backed
down young nan. 20 collect for US; must fur
nish his own horse. sa1dle-bsgs pistols, bowie
knife snd covhide. We vtllfarnish the accounts
To such person we promise constant and la
borions employment"
A New York auctioneer advertises as
follows:
For sale-A large quantity OF oil paintings
by some OF the most ancient masters OF the
day"
The virtue Of brevity, II not Of clear
ness, is attained In this:
Two sisters want washing"
Here is our honest liquor dealer, who
advertises as follows:
For sale. . lot OF whisky, Of not very good
quality. but as good as the average that is sold
about town"
The modern use OF the word lady"
on all occasions is evinced by this bona
Iide want" which appeared a short
time ago in Boston daily:
wantea-By = lazy 70 DO kitchen work in
saloon. Address Dcilcr. Q Mclean Ct
A column might be easily filed with
the most amusing matrimonial ads. but
the following is beyond doubt the most
unique one OF that character ever
printed:
a young gentleman. on TIE point Of getting
married. is dcsirous Of meeting q man OF exper-
fence who wiz dissusde hin from such step.
Address, etc"
Few advertisers display more vivid
Imagination than = certain class OF real
estate dealers George Robins, . fam
Gus pioneer in this line. had so poetic a
pen as 10 Undue the most prosAic piece
OF property with the charms OF q para
disc. On one occasion he dwels at length
upon certain 'hsnging wood" con-
nccted with an estate which he desired
10 sell. which the astonished purchaser
discovered was nothing more or less
than an cid gsllorsl Again. after q
lengthy rhapsody over . vsritable
Edon, for sale cheap, he concluded:
"Bzt there are two drawbacks 10 this
beautiful property-ths litter OF tho
rose leaves and the noise Of tho night
ingsles" Surely the art of artistic
pufcry could no further go
An unusually short-sighted editor
once printed this notice:
i WI take good sos n payment Tor sns
years sabssrsotioa-"
The next day torty-thres dogs we're
sent 70 the ofice. The day Afterwards,
when the news had spread cut inso ,hs
country. four hundred farmers sent two
dogs apiece bT express. With eight eas-
kets Of puppies, al marked c O n
The Offer touna its way into Rsigh bor-
ing STATES, and before the end Of tho
week there we're eight hundred dogs,
tied WITH ropes, In The editors front and
back YsraS His paper vss not pub
lished tor six d.ys. aud shs eoveronens
tsx amounted " esoe. AZ az iusstrs-
ton Of the vslBe a sdvsrsisiag Ne
above secvy h only sqssied BY the fsos
shat While . cora positor On ss- Montreal
Wisns-s ~s sesting up "a savsrsse-
neat sor lo~s asaarT, - bad itseif
fcw - a. ne eEoe wisiovt--Casrlss
=. AdsaDe. In Desroit Frea Pres
-reach~r-HWhss .-s koase< h<fls