Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-15


| fever does not burn so fercely, the parched
tongue becomes well oiled-you are geared up
by the powders and comforted by the consul
tation. But there you lie, bound while you
slept by the invisible, stealthy robber of health
and destroyer of life-yesterday giant, to-day
helpless babe. to mourn-well, who can tell.
OLD maids have one thing to be thankful for.
They will never become mothers-in-law.
NOW the ministers want to be paid for con-
Quoting funerals. They have dead-headed the
dead long enough.
PEOPLE who have no teeth and are too poor
to purchase store set are forced to become
gum chewers.
THE thermometer is falling and the chilly
winds are bawling-
Winters tip.
Gas bills are growing sleeper. soon you'll have
to wear a creeper,
Or you'll slip.
MIR. HOWARD intimates that the sinking
fund has been floating some private schemes.
AFTER railroads secure rights of way the
public seems to have no rights they are bound
to respect.
COUNCILMAN BIGHAM says professional
men worth employing do not answer adYer-
tisements." You are very much off there, Mir.
Bigham.
THE man who makes a motion in an as
semblage generally raises a commotion.
THE European Cabinets are exchanging
notes over the new tariff bill. 80 are the i'm
porters.
FASHION plate. not tin plate, bothers the
ladies.
THE statement of the laundrymenl that the
Chinese ironers are driving them out of bust
ness, will hardly wash. There seems to be
dirty linen enough for all in Pittsburg at all
events.
Mr.. DELAMATER keeps crying for more.
Evidently he doesn't know when he has
enough.
How would it do to so amend the law as to
require a property qualification for Office
holders?
He greets you now with captivating smile,
Your hand he'll always take;
But if elected you can bet your pile,
He'll give you the cold shake.
RETURNS are beginning to come in from the
open CRATE and the coal oil can. Change OF
season only means change Of method in the
casualty line.
1T must be anything but pleasant to work for
person or firm and give up portion of the
wage to help friends of the employer. But the
Federal Office holders come up smiling every
time. Politics even takes the bread out of the
mouths of children nowadays. The evil should
be remedied.
WHAT'S the use squealing over the personnel
of the men chosen to hold positions of trust
after you put them into office. The remedy is
in the ballot box. Of course, if there are more
bad than good people in the world. the devil
will win. But there aren't
WHEN the autumn winds whistle the leaves
dance.
THERE is more difference in the name than
in the shape of many articles of feminine ap.
parel.
THE grocer can reduce his weight without
changing his diet. He merely doctors his
scales
Mr.. DELAMATER's friends hope to smother
the talk about the Billngsley bill by pointing
Will pElu0 W buc IuChluicy Ulu 1uo idst uds
been settled, however. and the first is still on
file.
THE Exposition oil well should now be
worked as mystery, Shut down until next
year. gentlemen.
WHEN young lovers cease to sigh,
When fond hearts no longer autter
At the glance of roguish eye
At the words which love ran utter.
Then sea tides will cease to flow,
Dry will be the water courses;
All will perish here below
When there be no more divorces.
A CHICAGO dentist says too much kissing
causes the teeth of Americans to decay. Old
maids must have sound teeth if this is the case.
WHAT some women suffer for fashions sake
is sad to contemplate. If the clothing of many
could be cut by the family doctor instead of the
tailor life's burdens would be lightened.
A FALLING sunbeam or shooting star can
not injure US.
DON'T overload yourself. Carefully adjust
to.day's burden, and let to-morrow's take care
of itself.
THIS is splendid weather for catching chills,
colds and rain water.
STRANGE what trivialities amuse tie aver
age theatrical audience nowadays, An awk- |
ward walk, misapplied word. high kick, a |
commonplace song, a catchy melody guarantee |
applause, with laughter accompaniment. It's |
pleasant to know that we are easily amused.
THE etiquette of politics demands that you |
write letter of acceptance, Mr. Delamater.
A MAN will go into barroom and pull out a |
handful of money, but when he goes to church |
he fishes around for a single coin, and not q |
very large one at that.
THE oratorical prayer comes from the lips, |
but the prayer offered up in secret comes from |
the heart.
If the laws of nature were not violated there |
would be fewer funerals.
THE tariff has put up the price of Sumatra |
wrappers. The fascinating morning wrappers |
worn by the best half of the home are not af- |
fected, however.
SOME candidates lead ticket to defeat as
well as victory.
MUSICIANS can keep time without carrying |
watches.
The English soldiers seem to be in the sulks, |
All talk and no fight makes them unruly.
soxx Of the funny business indulged in by !