Montgomery County sentinel., 1890-10-17
Exacting Friendships.
[From The WaueNy Progress, by J. l..
LODGE, d. D., Editor.

The changeable, unreliable character of
much that passes under this sacred name is
matter OF general and regretful experience.
1t is only after years of disappointment and
chagrin that the soul refuses to tantalize it.
self with expectations which philosophc
estimate and regard for testimony would
have shown impossible of realization. What
ordinarily goes by the name of friendship
must be purchased, in the first instance, and
ever afterward maintained at price en-.
tirely disproportionate to its value. Beside,
risk of its loss turks in the very terms of ex-
change Tacitus, that accomplished and
thorough student of human nature, says,
"benefici @ en- uSque taetG Sn1lt," &c.-favors
easily repaid beget affection-favors beyond
return engender hatred. This agrees perfect
ly with the proverb, "Do man a great fa-
vor, and make him your enemy for life"
and tbs agrees with and grew out of actual
fact. The ordinary mind rebels against the
idea of obligation. But it grants its good
will only on condition of thousand offer
ings, on the basis of desert, or, at least, of
value received. 1t is tyrannical in that it
prescribes the measure OF service and the
modes of its expression. 1t is suspicious,
and like spoiled child, demands perpetual
repetition of professions Of affection. Every
time you meet this person, you must avow
in word, in action, and even in facial ex-
preston, that you regard him as the beau
ideal of friend, chief among all others,
indispensable to your happiness and pros
perity. He will not allow you to treat him
like man; but insists upon being dandled
and fondled like babe. His suspicious
must be soothed with adulations his jeal-
ousy propitiated with fresh concessions.
This kind of people are everywhere, and
universally annoying. To-day they are all
smiles; tomorrow they are sullen and
glum. You feel that you have suffered in
their regard but, if you are man you do
not care how nor why; preferring to keep
the even tenor OF your honest way, ready to
do them further good with opportunity, and
let them recover their good humor at their
leisure. While very exacting with their
friends, they use the utmost personal free
dom hearkening to if not encouraging at
tacks upon those who have stood by them;
opposing no word of defense, and then pro-
Tossing profound astonishment at the digni-
fled reserve of their real friends An atti-
tude which at once confesses their own sense
of guiltiness. The multitude love the sirens
song. The smooth, false speech of the de-
ceiVer is more grateful than the honest,
faithful utterances ofthe sincere well wisher
"He does me double wrong that wounds
with me the batteries of his tongue" But
Shakespeare or any other wise counselor has
fearful odds against world of brass, arti
flee and self seeking.
If it be considered desirable to form
friendship, regard should be had to those
laws which affect its permanency and fruit
fulness The first law insisted upon is like
ness. Not a similarity that amounts prac-
tically to identity, but homogeneousness
of nature, coincidence of views and feelings,
with abundant space for the play of indi-
viduality. Neither open antagonism nor
weak compliance, either of which prevents
friendship through gendering resistance or
producing contempt. Superiority in one
nature attracts what is related in another
nature. Real excellence never fails to ex-
cite malignity in its opposite. This is the
sure signal for massing of all intelligence
and goodness Mark the men in any com
munity who are assailed, criticised, Sian
dered by common people, and you may
know that they are the proper objects OF
your respect and support. "Genius makes
many enemies but it makes sure friends
who forgive much, who endure long, who
exact little; they partake Of the character
of disciples as well as friends" No man
nor angel can procure and keep the sane
ton o. the best and of the worst. If he
makes choice of the high and noble he
abandons the low and ignoble. Eternal
enmity is between these classes. The like
ness insisted upon is not u matter of choice
or chance. Friendships are not created, but
predestined They are not subject, prima-
riy, to human rules. The magnet attracts
from the other side of the globe its object,
according to an invarable law. Two souls
come together and move in parallel lines or
along the same line absolutely without
knowledge of the why. Recognition of their
one mission, and unified purpose, without
demanding identity of methods, demonstrates
their eternal relationship. These two must
be friends A single direction, a similar
prescience, united effort, mutual approba-
ton, make these and their achievements one,
Respect, love, tenderness between these two
are natural and necessary. Where these
exist and are exemplfed friendship is, and
not elsewhere. This makes all the differ
ence between acquaintanceship on good
terms and friendship, which differ as this
lower world from the upper. Hero worship
and every other form Of worship proceeds
upon this discrimination.
Another law recognizes the right OF each
to seek his own affinity. Throughout this
article | have accepted the definition Of the
dictionaries, and the sense in common use
not that do not know better, or limit my
own conception so mserably. Let it be
understood that benevoence, genuine kind
ness and devoted service do not stipulate
for social equality or social intercourse
they only ask the privilege of doing good.
Certain tastes, habits, associations, of an,
other do not correspond to my ideas, pre-
dlections and education: Am |, then, be-
come his cnemy2 Where is the necessity
He has freely chosen his companions may
l not choose mine? "How can two walk
together except they be agreed ?' 1t is Scrip
ture; it is sense. To walk together, in this
sense, is not essential; only to be good, ser
viceable, and kind. Ifmore be eXacted where
il never can be granted, then my neighbor
has become tyrannical, and | will say to
him: Now fare -thee.well, my master-if
true service
Be guerdon'd with hard looks, e'en cut the
tow-line,
And let our barks across the pathless flood
Hold different courses.
A strong and brilliant writer asserts that
no living man had ever more than two or
three real friends. believe him wholly but
if you do not, at least beware how you press
your claims upon acquaintances TO exact
what the world calls "friendship" is TO lose
it. Utilize and satisfy, as far as you may,
rf1 #