The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-08-19

10 not call upon persons in reduced
Giro instances wearing a great display OF
wealth and ornRmentation.
Possibly, on second though it would
be better not to call upon them at all.
They might shock you by openly indulg-
ing themselves in habits Of industry
Do not make a display f consulting
your watch. E. pecially, if m king a first
call on one of the nobility, do not osten-
~tatiously open the rear of your watch to
show the name Of the factory or the gilt
ter of the works, aud do not, while visit
ing among titled people, and while the
family are at prayers in morning, blow a
kernel of wheat out Of your key and wind
your watch with a deafening report.
There is nothing that will tempt a God
fearing duke to come down from the front
steps Of the throne Of grace and brain his
visitor with a frozen cucumber quicker
than this. Let US at all times try to be
respectful to others, especially if there's
money in it.
If you are a hostess, and engaged in en-
tertaining the nobility of One Hundred
and Flfty-eighth street, do not Jump up
hurriedly and run to the barn the moment
you hear a hen cackle. 1t is rude to your
visitor and is an implied insult to the
veracity Of the hen.
If you are a guest at the house Of a
neighbor VINO has borrowed some of your
pie lates for the occasion, do not, in a
fit of rage or dependency over your fail
ure to converse fuently with the pastor,
call attention to the fact that these are
your pie plates. 1t is about The ~detropiSt
thing you could we'll do
If in making your first call you do so
on a bicycle, do not bring the instrument
into the hall with you, or hold it in your
lap whilst calling. You might drop it
and break it.
Do not caress your watch chain or
charms whilst making a party call. You
will be apt to wear the gold off and ex-
pose your poverty, which is vulgar. True
politeness consists in deity c ncealing
your poverty and natural born vulgarity
SO far as possible.
Do not pick up the wine at table and
carefully scrltinize the bel as if you
were a cOLnoisseur, when you are really
a common cur. You may fool the com
pany during two or three courses with
the idea that you are used to wine at
home, but before the pie is reached you
will manage, no doubt, to advertise the
fact that you are accustomed to thick
milk from a 6 urd, and not much of that.
Do not waste your hair oil on the wall
paper. Hair oil costs money, and we
cannot lubricate the future with the hair
oil that is past.
Do not gawp and listen like a hump on
a log while some n is playing at the
piano. People will think you came from
the country.
If you are a gentleman, and should the
small tag at the base of your shirt bosom
become detached and protrude between
the waistcoat and pantaloOns, do not lose
heart or become nee ilessly p~rofane, but
either excuse yourself and retire behind
the piaIo, or, hold the large fan lily album
in your zap, and while ostensibly search
ing the very soul of some meaty and
sacred relatives portrait you can re ar
range yourself, meantime keeping up a
perfect COB Of persiaage.
There are many other things regarding
social customs, funeral etiquitte, etc,
which this book suggests, and Of which l
hope in future to treat, provided l am not
snatched away during the watermelon
season. BILL NYE.