The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1890-03-12
ELIZA AIMS ADMIRER.
By CLARA AUGUSTA.

I guess you never heard tell of Lily
Ann, did you9 She's my oldest darter,
and if do sayit you can't find higher
eddicated girl in Kenboro. She's eddi-
Gated clear up to the top notch. Jere-
miab, that's her pa, scd to me about
three years ago, sed he: "Algiry, I've
got an idee.'
"Hold on to it," sed I, "till you get
another one to match up with it, or you'll
lose it, it'll be so lonesome.
jeremiah wuz a-pulling off his boots at
the time, and he'd been moving in the
medder and they stuck to his stockings
and riled his temper.
"Drat them boots" !" sed he, ez he stood
on one foot and pulled away fer dear
life on 'tother boot, 81 wish the man that
invented boots had to eat 'em!"
"Hed have to wear liver pad all the
rest of his life," sed L; and looked at
my husband with my earnest smile, the
one I use when my minister calls and
when I'm attending the weekly prayer
meeting, and I added: Jeremiah, at
your time of life you should not let your
temper run away with you. Perfanity
don't 60 we'll with gray hairs"
"What kind of hairs does it go well
with" snapped Jeremiah, and he gave
that off leg of his sudden jerk that
made him lose his balance, and down he
went rite on to an ottoman, where Lily
Ann had sot a couple of pie-plates that
she'd painted some long-legged rusters
and some bushes and water on, and he
smashed them plates all to hindersl
"Where's your idee9" sed I to him
when he'd got up and wiped the blood
from the finger that he'd cut on that
broken crockery on to the white bed
spread.
.I was a-going to say, Algiry," sed
he, "that thought our Lily Ann had
better 90 few terms to the femal sem.
ernary. 1t kinder polishes a gal of and
learns her how to act when she's into
company. Now there's Mu!ligan's daugh-
ter, see how she's got finished off since
she went to that Boston school! Why,
the critter says more dictionary words
than our minister, and she slings 'em
round as if she wasn't afraid of 'eni, and
as if there was plenty more of 'em, too" ."
"Seems to me, jeremiah" sed /,
"that Lily Ann had better learn how to
cook and sew them to go to wrestling
with Greek and Latin! This ere paint
ing craze that she's got is enough to
drive anybody into the lunytick hospital.
She's painted almost everything in the
house, aud yesterday she began on the
bean pot, and had got two scrcech owls
and the new moon daubcd onto it aforc
I seen her."
But Jeremiah he was dreadful sot.
The Papleys IS au awful sot family, take
EN- together, and jeremiah is about the
sottest of 'em all. So Lily Ann was sent
off to the scmcrnary, and got Polly
Mariah Jones to help me with the house
work.
Lily Ann stayed at the semernary two
year, and then she come home to live.
Mebby you don't know what it is to have
an dedicated female darter in the house?
It's worse than having the measles and
mumps, or almost anything else that ever
/ come acrost.
Lily Ann she wouldn't get up to break
fast because it made her head ache. She
couldn't eat billed cabbage for dinner
because it disagreed with her digestive
organs. She couldn't walk anywhere be-
cause she he'd the spincs in her back,
and high heels on her shoes, and there
didn't seem to be much of anything she
could do, except lay abed and read
novels. You see, the fact Of it was she 4
Jest gone to work and dedicated all the
brains she had clean out Of her!
But her conversation was something
worth hearing. She would sit down and
talk to her pa by the hour about the
whichness of the whatsoever, and the sur
vival of the fittest, and the hornithologi-
cal pleasantly. and the evolution of the
genus homo; and her pa would cross his
legs and stare at her in admiration, and
once in a while he'd drop his under jaw,
and exclaim: IL want to know" As
for me, didn't understand her talk, and
I didn't pretend to, and I kept right on
a-b'iling, and a-fryiug, and Assembling,
lest as if Lily Ann warn't a-talking. She
got letter one day, perfumcd so that it
scented the whole house, and she come
out into the kitchen with it. where me
and Polly Jones was a-pickin' over dan
dclion greens, and sed she:
"Ma, have just received some very
delightful intelligence"
Have you?" says l, "what might il
be!'
:'Gustavus We're Dc We're thinks he viii
favor us with visit"
''The land sake!" says +, ''whcn is he
going to favorl"
"Next week." says she.
"Good gracious" scd I, 'what eve,
made him think of coming next week
That's the time I sot to bile my soft soap,
and your pa is going to kill that crooked
legged pig; and Polly Jones sot out to
have the heft of her teeth p:ilied out
aui the hens is ali a-sctting, ami we caa't
git no eggs to speak Of, and the spare
chamber carpet is up, and the old mares
! lame in her hind leg, and Uncle Johr
hes got a bile coming. and it's kinder
tween hay and grass in the vegetable
H.. o1l t.{oro ic cfropn aud tho Dny