The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1890-08-24
ior Jones Troublesome Young Friend.
The DinkIemans,The Way One Family
Was Run-A Low-Down Shop-Laugh-

ne understoods Now, for instance. if all
the bows in the neighbOrhOOd were to say,
we don't like Jefferson Jones' and on ac-
count of something that YOU have done, re-
fuse 10 play with you or to have anything
TO do with yOu-that would he boycott
and YOU would be boycotted."
And won't the South play with the
| Northy'
| MOT if the Force bill passes
| "And the South won't go TO the Worlds
| Fairg"
| "\o."
But you will, won't YOU"
.Yes. | have TO 90. | am one OF the COM
missoners."
| .IIow one Of the commissioners
ooh, was appointed by the government
to help. or to see-that is, I-oh, you couldn't
understand it,
| ~ could If you was 10 tell me-
$50. you couldn't
"Why couldn't ~
"Simply because YOU couldn't
''Tell me and see.'
..Well." said the Major, indscrcetly at
tempting 10 tell him, "the government, IN
order 10 make the fair national event"
GLOW natiOnalY'
didn't ] say you wouldn't know IL /
were to tell you:"
"But YOU haven't told me vet"
| ssIt's time you.were going TO school,
lila. there amt no school tO-day-its
saturday,
Chats So" the Major answered with
sigh. "Well, then, you'd better 20 and
play"
down by the riyer''
No"
Where, them"
ooh. don't know, but go somewhere
| The Major exclaimed. I'D rather be
| freak in a dime museum than attempt to
answer your questions"
what is "A freak
"Nou can surely answer that question:
Mrs. Jones smilingly remarked.
.Nes. | am pleased TO say that can.
Don't YOU remember that awfully fat woman
showed you the other day."
Yes, sir" the boy answered
"Well, she is IA freak
"And YOU would rather be fat woman
than TO answer my questions"
Yes. would"
"But YOU couldn't he a fat woman, could
you?'
"Why, YOU know couldn't"
"Then why did YOU say you'd rather be
one when YOU know you couldn't
For Mercy's sake. give me my hat eX-
claimed the Major, springing to his feet.
I'll be hanged if | wouldn't rather be
martyr and
whats martyr
The Major was at the bottom OF the stone
steps.-Arkansaw Traveller.
The Way the Wind Blew.
Teacher (after explaining the points Of
the compass johnnie, step 70 the WIN
dow and tell me if smoke is coming from
any Of the chimneys."
Johnnie Cat the window -"Ies, marin"
Teacher-"Now, tell me which way the
wind is blowing"
Johnnie-"Perpendic'lar."-Boston Ter
aid.
Music without Charms.
Tradition speaks of the piper that played
before Moses. and informs us that Pharaoh,
who had proved deaf to all the previous
plaques of Egypt. no sooner heard the
''skirl" of the pipes than he begged Moses
tO take the Israelites anywhere so long as
the terrible pipes should go with them.
Then there were the rats of llamelin who
drowned themselves in the Rhine rather
than listen to the music furnished by the
pied piper. II is not at all wonderful that
the Australian rabbits cannot endure the
bagppes. and in all probability dozen or
two genuine Highland pipers could clear
the whole Australian continent OF rabbits
within fortnight Edition OF the
Herald.
The Dinklemans.
"SiX dimes have asked me for dot SOUP
grOwlcd Jakey at the table. the other morn
ins. ..und don't get some yet. Dose NOt
ask after me got some ahead by me. HOw's
dot?
dot is shust yot | want TO impress by
your mind, my poy. Dot apostle says dot
dc last shall be first. want you TO dry una
rememper dot und not always try to push
yourself to de 'front.'
old Dinkleman said this with the air Of
man who had been awarded the first PRIZE
at a good advice contest.
Jakey growled some more, but finally got
his soup, and then they all began TO talk
about the mOrrOw's excursion. They were
going 10 Rockaway.
When the reached the dock the next day
there was a biz crowd. Jakey took charge
Of his mother, and in short time they be-
came separated from the old man, ana IN
the crowd it was impossible to find him.
They pushed and worked their way through,
so that when the boat landed Jakey and his
mother were among the first TO board It,
| Looking from the upper deck they espied
| Dindleman standing on the very outskirts
of the crowd.
"Fadder, hereve are" yelled Jakey. Ivy
YOU don't get in der boat sOOnV
"Oh. dot is all right. get me dere by
taking nv dimes. De last shall be first, you
know, Shakey," answered he with smile.
In little while only hali-dozen
others remained TO get on the boat, and
among the last of these was Dlnkleman.
Just as he attempted to put his foot on the
Oaucplauk "A man in Il blue suit took him
by the shoulder.
.sNly friend" he said IL am the boat in
spector. The license of this boat only calls
for the carrying of two thousand passen-
GERS and that number is now aboard
"Ven, vat you meanyr he asked. nery-
ously.
THAT you cannot 90 on board
"Mine Colt, my family is on dot boat
und -"
But the deckhands had pulled the gang
| plank on the boat, the man with the blue
| suit stepped back, the steamers paddle
| wheels began TO reyOlve, the band struck
M "The Girl Left Behind Me-" and the
next moment the gay eXcursiOnists were on
their way TO Rockaway.
| Dinkleman was mad as wild bull,
and 10 add to his discomfort Jakey called
out to him:
| "Remember. fadder, de last shall be first
How was dot for highT'-Sunday Mer-
curry.
| The Way the Family Was Run.
.sTbere are some queer couples in the
world remarked ftdl estate dstut' h'
| other dav a man and a woman called 10 see
me about renting flat. The woman did al
the talking and turned TO the man for con
6rmation or corroboration. lie always
agreed with her, and did it very meekly.
| .sWell." said the woman, "Tll give You
s25 for this dat; won't we, John!'
"Yes'm."
And I'll pay my rent promptly, too
won't we. john
"Yes'm."
And lake good care Of the house; won
1, John"
"les'm."
"But.v inquired, as is usual in sucl
cases. "are YOU man aud wife"
"Man and wife !" exclaimed the woman
sharply; Indeed, we are not; are we
John -
Nom"
"What =, says /. mot man and wife -
Not much I'd have YOU know that Il
/ this family we are wife and man; amt we
John Z"
..Yes'm."-Texas Siftings.