The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-03-11
THE BoWsERs.


Christmas.
Well, the long agony is over and I have
got my Christmas present. Naturally
enough, I hoped and expected, but for
reasons to be hereafter explained l could
not certainly count on anything until it
was handed out to me. Nc one must get
the idea that Mr.. Bowser and I quarrel.
We simply have our peculiarities, same as
the average husband and wife. On the
9th of last December, two days after
Christmas, Mr.. Bowser wanted to put up
a bracket in the sitting-room and he called
to me to bring him the corkscrew.
"Have you lost your head?" he de-
handed, as I handed it to him.
"No, sir"
Didn't you hear me say gimletP
"YOu said corkscrew."
"NeverF"
eyes, you did, Mr.. Bowser," said the
cook, who had luckily overheard him.
"Don't l know the difference between
a corkscrew and a screw driver Z
GA minute ago you said gimlet, Mr..
Bowser. What is it you really want-a
corksc1ew, gimlet, screw-driVer, pincers,
whet- stone, brush-broom, brace and bit,
or what?"
"I want to, inform you" he replied, as
he flung the bracket under the lounge-"l
want to inform you in letters six feet
high that I'll be Internally smashed to
squash if I get you a Christmas present
next year!"
Mr.. Bowserl"
81 won't, even if you get down on
your knees to mel"
Ard about the 10th OF January, one
evening after supper, he brought in the
oil Jug from the barn, and of course / in
quired what he was going to do.
"Mrs. Bowser," he began, in the lofty
way of a husband who is prepared to
make his wife take a back seat, "you
have, l presume, heard of leather? ?"
Eyes, sir"
Leather, as you probably do not
know, and would never find out but from
me, is the hide off the back of a certain
animal-an OK, a COW, a steer, etc. The
hide of a horse is called h~orse-hide."
81 thought it was called deer-skin," l
replied, willing to be crushed.
"AhI No doubt you did. All women
probably do. The hide of a calf is called
calf-skin."
Chow wonderful, Mr.. Bowser! Do
they take it off while he is alive? Calves
don't shed their hides in the fall, do they?
Oh, how I wish 1 had your knowledge!'
"Your head could never contain it,
Mrs. Bowser," he answered, tickled al
most to death over the ignorance l pre-
tended. "But to resume. Leather is the
hide of an animal put through a process
called tanning. Even after being tanned
it is full of pores"
"Is it possible? ?"
"These pores, minute as they are, admit
water. That's how you get your feet
damp"
"1s that the reason?"
at is; and now I am going to beat Ia
ture by filling those pores with oil, and
thus keep out the water"
"With linseed oil ?"
Certainly"
"But father and Tom used to use castor
oil. They said the other oils prevented
their shoes from taking a shine afterwards,
and made the leather sticky.
cob! they did? What your father
and Tom don't know about leather would
make a big book"
He rubbed on the oil, dried it in, rub
bed on some more, and spent an hour
over his shoes. Next morning when he
tried to put on a shine it was DO go. He
rubbed his necktie almost over the back
of his head, but steam power couldn't
have done it. He quit brushing and
called to me.
81 was afraid of it." I replied, as he
held up one foot.
"Then why didn't you say SOP"
ct did,"
"NeverI You have gone and spoiled
these six-dollar shoes!"