Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-02-23
at an early date. would say, Good morn
inc M ParratRS

He would say, 'Sirrah, I know thee
notP He would then fold his arms. and,
with growing wonder and delight, look in
the mirror at the only man for whom he
ever showed genuine respect and esteem
which nothing could shake. Then he would
take off his coat and fold his arms again and
throw back his head and try to look like the
man who acts as chief train dispatcher fol
the solar system.
Larry, I would say, come of the
perch now. It is your turn, Mr.. Brannigan.
But he would rock back on his heels and
throw out his chest and kind of skuf his
shoes on the floor like a tumbler that is
chalking his feet in the circus, a habit he
got when he was bareback rider, and then
he, would inhale and exhale his breath
quickly like a gentleman who has blown
out the gas and is partially asphyxiated, but
which really meant passion, so I under
stand, and then he would say:
Hahi Swagger not, thou topless varlet,
thou unwhelked hy-up-the-creek. Salute
me not, thou pan-American stoughton bot
tie and tallow spatter on the brow of nature.
Avaunt; Shet upl Wilt thou forsooth pour
the ribald "NextP' into the ear of Lsur-r-r-
ence Bar-r-r-r-rette?'
LAWRENCE IS QUIET.
IT would then calculate 'RatsP and he
would take seat in the chair like q king
that is getting 81 week to reign through
one act and then take tickets at the door the
rest of the time. offered him once strop
to hold in his hand to reign with, but be
would not have it."
us he hard to shaver"
mo, he is quiet in the chair, and winks
perfectly natural He is real good fellow,
l think, if he would only try to forget that
he is sitting for lithograph. When he gets
his head out of the iron head rest and is not
having his photograph taken he is first
rate"
"Who else did you ever shave?''
II have shaved Chauncey M. Depew
once, but he did not know about it, or at
least l did not tell him who 1 was, and so
perhaps he would not remember me now.
He was very nice and quiet, and didn't
make me any trouble. He kept looking at
the clock while he was being shaved, and
said something over softly to himself I
judged he was going out to dine somewhere.
l asked him if he wasn't Mr.. Depew, and he
said he was. Then L asked him if he ever
heard about the tramp that called at a farm
house on Fifth avenue to get something to
eat He said no, he had not. Well, there
was nothing to it, only it seems that once
poor tramp, with clam shells in
HIS RICH REMBRANDT BEARD
and chicken feathers in his nut brown hair,
called at quiet farmhouse on upper Fifth
avenue and asked for food. odds bodkins,'
exclaimed the farmers wife, as he came to
the door, you are indeed in a sorry plight.
And how long since you tasted food?'
-Four days said the tramp, catching
madly at the waistband of his trousers Just
in time, for he had no suspenders, -four
days I have been without food, and four
nights I have slept in a railroad culvert
with nothing over me but first and second
mortgage and a right of way. 1 have col
lege education and an angel mother. Give
me a crust, lady, or little plum duff, lady,
and God will reward you. For three days
l wandered aimlessly around on the site of
the Worlds Fair trying to find my way to
the settlements. On the fourth day came
upon habitation and tried to get bite.
There was only one bite at this house, and
large mauve, colored bulldog got that.
Lady, will you give me of your bounty, or
must 1 ask you to look the other way while
l pass out at the gate aud go away?'
'The good woman could not resist this ap-
peal, and so she got some crullerS and cold
cabbage with vinegar onto it. Also glass
of milk and a cold sausage. The poor tramp
took it and was about to conceal the whole
thing in his whiskers, when the good lady
said, You ought at least to ask grace and
give thanks before you eat your food. Let
me beg OF you to ask blessing before you
eat That is all right in theory, lady, ex-
claimed the tramp as he absorbed the sausage
and drained his glass, but it does not work
we'll in practice. Me and Chauneey Depew
always talks better after we've et.'
"Who else have you shaved?"