Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-03-20
HUMOR.

THE buckwheat cake will soon come
to the scratch.
NOCTURNAL melody-We shall meet
in the suet by and by.
IT was the man who couldn't button
his coat who hadn't clothes enough to
go round.
TRAMp-Madam, can / get warm
bite here? Woman-Yes, sirl Here
Tiger, sic him
A MARRIED couple may be one, but
that one cannot travel without two
railroad tickets.
HE-Miss Wayting, you are puzzle
to me. never know how to take you.
She (shyly)-You never tried.
A New YORK girl who was attending
cooking school got so infatuated with
the culinary art that she went off and
married "supe."
THERE'S nothing very doleful about
it still when a maiden has sifted KISS
through an incipient mustache she Is
apt to get down in the mouth.
THE modern critic: "Haye you seen
Ibsen's new play ?" @To tell the truth, L
have not had the time, have been so
busy writing my criticism upon 1t.
MINNIE-I heard that you were going
to enter the lecture field. Mamie-Ihe
idea l am engaged to be married.
Minnie Well, i knew it was something
of the sort.
RoB-My dads squire and gets his
name in the paper every day. Tom
contemptuously)- nothin'. MY
dad took Jink's liver pills and got his
picter in the papers.
FIRST Tramp ION country road)-
How are the folks down this way
friendly? Second Tramp-Well, can't
say much for the folks, but their dogs
do beat all for helpin' ye to get along.
ApsENr-MINDED: Brown (at the tele-
phone)-Hello who's speaking? Voice
Don't you recognize me? Brown
Well. err know your face, but don't
quite recall your voice at the moment
JIMpsoN-Prof. Knowitall, the lee
turer. always wears mustard plaster
when he goes on the platform. Why
do you suppose he does it9 Jampson
To draw the attention of the audience
perhaps.
SoHooLMIsTREss-Tommy, what did
YOU disobey me for? Tommy-Cos
thought you'd whip me. Schoolmis'
tress-What did you want me to whiI
YOU for9 Tommy2Cos pa said he would
If you didn't, and he hurts.
FAIR customer Is this Western
beef? Eastern butcher (proudly)--
No. madam; we don't deal in ill-man
nered steers from the rowdy West
This beef, madam, is from highly cul
tivated and very refined COW, formerly
of Boston.
sMY dearest Laura, what is the mat
ter? Here you are bathed in tear
and only four weeks after your wed
ding" 80, Clara, my husband is
candidate for Mayor and l have jus
found out by this mornings paper tina
he is a paragon of all the vices"
MrsTREss-Did you buy stamp ant
mail the letter, Bridget? Bridget-O
did. mum, and here's the change. Mis-
tress-How much did you pay for tn
stamp? Bridget - Wan clint mum
The boy said he had 'em all the wa
from wan clint up, an it's not the like
of Bridget O'Toolihan wot goes abou
. wastin' money.
NO FLIES ON HIM.
Down with tyrant foe, said he,
aThat seeks this happy land
All the energy that possess
My country may command
, sNo arduous labor would shirk,
No task would disdain,
To check invasions hateful way
: And liberty maintain
And whom he finished his address
And moved each hearers soul,
. His wife had built the kitchen fire
q And carried in the coal.
, CHICAGO fve-year-old boy (onl
: child)-Mamma, / wish you'd get me
9 little sister, I'm SO lonesome. Sam
9 boy cat subsequent period, sitting NJ
d right in his bed at 11:3O p. M, an
shaking his fist at his sweet little sist'
in the next room)-H I'd known wifi
r bowler you were goin' to be, you ca
o Just bet your life l never would hay
ordered you.