The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1890-02-05
SOMERSET, Pa WEDNESDAY, Y, FEBRUARY s. 1890


| How a Printer Lost His Job.
4 printer recently told the following
excellent story to a reporter Of the Chica-
so Times
9 had good JOB be said, in Mon
roe street fiction feundrs-one Of those
print shops where they publish stories of
the Skeleton Hunters Last GaFgling
Gasp order by the cord. 1t is the rank
est kind of rot, and is liable to give q
I printer blood poisoning if he handles
much Of it. II Is the sort Of literature
that induces little boys to get up in the
night, steal the old mans poeketbOok,
buy guns and start out west to rescue the
imperial maiden from the lair Of the rob
Der chieftain and restore her to her ago
nized parents
There were twenty printers and SIX II
ars, each fulI-fedged Ananias, working
in the place The liars sat at a table in
one end Of the room grinding out those
UNIV hoiesome stories as fast as We could
put them in type. One day I got wad
of copy that Wis positively sickeniug- 1t
was about lovely girl who had been
captured and torn from her home bv a
heartiess white Desperate and his band
Of bloodthirsty Apaches. The girl Was
in a desperate fix. She either had To
marry the villain or become hislwife, he
didn't care which, and he was then on
his way to 4 cavein the mountains, where
he was going to have the ceremony per-
formed.
-Thas night they camped in rocky
gorge two hundred miles from nowhere
and bound the unfortunate maiden 10
tree with the usual buckskin thongs,
which cut deep into her tender wrists
Then they all laid down and went to
sleep. In the meantime old Zeke. the
Hairy Scout. who vas on the trail, sneak
ed up ju It at daylight. when people slept
the soundest. Zeke sailed in and killed
twenty-five or thirty Indians with the
butt end of his trusty rifle. He didn't
want to shoot, for fear he would waken
the Others. Then, after he had cut a
notch for each corpse in his gun stock I
and hung the coarse, black scalp locks to
his belt, he released the eirl, hoisted her
under his arm. jumped into the saldle,
and rode away
He code at full speed FOR forty-eight /
miles without stopping When night
closed in the bold scout pulled rein and
went into camp. First be picksted his
horse, then built a fire, fixed cot Of
leaves for the girl. and got her something
to eat out of his saddIe-hags. This Is (
where got in my work
''.The first thing Zeke got out Of his I
bags was several thick slices of fresh Vi |
emma bread, with honey on them. Next !
came cold boiled ham, cut thin. an apple !
pie ewith short, crispy uppe-crust, and |
last tender spring chicken. roasted |
delicate brown Mind you. he had al /
this stuff in pair OF saddle bags in the 1
wiIds of the Rocky mountains, three hun /
dred miles from civilization, in the year
Of 1856 Il made ne sick, but resolved !
that the poor girl should have one good I
feed if died for it. So showed in an Z
other paragraph like this, completing the
bill of fare
After getting the girl started Zeke /
reached into the saddle-bag and pulled /
out a bowl Of steaming hot consonme /
and broiled fresh mackerel, some dew
lied crabs, cold slaw, potato salad, half i
fry, real outlets Dreaded, with tomato
sauce, green corn on the cob, some clam 4
choKder. stewed turkey, portion ofrict,
padding, two cups of chocolate, pork ten
derlojn, Rochefort cheese and bottle of
Bass ale, Saratoga chips, plate Of va !
nilla ice cream, Chinese paper napkin.
sliced cueumbes, some ealifornis grapes.
and a nickeI-plated nut cracker
Did it go?7 asked an interested lis
tener.
No, it didn't said the printer, sadly,
bat did The boss came to me next
morning with a proof slip and wanted to
know who was writing that story. 1
said the author was making siagger in
that direction; but ne wasn't giving the
girl fair show.
That may be, said the boss. but If
he wants to run cafe in connection With
the story well hire a cook and make it
easier for you.
Then he told me that was too smart
to be a printer, and had better 90 out
where the cool air would strike me. L
went