The Bottineau pioneer. (Bottineau, N.D.) 1885-1895, 1890-02-01
WORK OF THE WITS.

SaA . VIII 1OACCs
Our idea of a genius is a bald
headed man who knows that hail
will never grow on his head again.
As a rule it is not wise to tell al
one knows, though it is always high
ly expedient to know all one tells.
The trouble with some theologians
is that they think nobody can get
into Heaven WHO doesn't have a latch.
key.
"Heaven lies about us in our in.
fancy" says Wordsworth. Yes, and
the newspapers lie about us when we
get old enough to run for Office.
An Atchison man had such a small
baby born at his house that he re.
fused to acknowledge the cigars, and
is passing around cigarettes.
A writer says that whipping a boy
may make him stupid. Perhaps that
is true, but we think it is more likely
to make him smart.
1rate German Ito stranger who had
stepped on his toe)-"Gott in him.
mel! Mine trent, 1 know mine feet
vas meant to pc walked on, but dot
briviledge belongs to me-"
"Shut up your cupboard and come
along o me-" said the policeman, as
he pulled the upper on to the lower
case, and arrested the composition
Printing Trades Journal.
II understand you have just been
down to st. LOUISE" eyes, spent three
days there" "Did you see any ofthe
big bugs of the placer" "No, 1 went
to a brand new hotel."-Judge.
Citizen, to elderly physician: "You
don't bleed patients as often as you
did fifteen or twenty years ago?"
Physician, looking over a package of
unpaid bills: ono, We don't bleed
EN- at all; they bleed us!"
"Will you please insert this obitu-
airy notice?" asked an old gentleman
of the editor. 81 make bold to ask,
because the desceased has a great
many friends about here who'd be
glad to hear of his DEATH"
Editors young wife-"My dear you
must pardon me for coming down in
a wrapper this morning." Editor
Don't mention it, my love. Some
of the most valuable exchanges come
to us in wrappers"
"Good morning Mrs. Hampton,
you've changed your place of resi-
dence." EYES," "Where are you
living now?" II am not living any
where. l am dying by degrees at
the Hotel Lyndon"
."Teacher-"Johnny, where is the
aorth pole? Johnny.-"I don't
KNOW" Teacher-''Don't know
where the north pole is?' johnny
when DR.. Kane and Franklin and
Greeley hunted for it and couldn't
find it, how am l to know where
it ISL"
Judge (who is bare-headed)-Ifhalf
what the witnesses testify against
you is true, your conscience must be
as black as your hair. Prisoner-If
q mans conscience is regulated by
his hair, then your honor hasn't got
any conscience at all.-Texas Siftings.
A traxeler in Wales, noticing the
Sign "Agorsequerdere" over a door,
gratifed his curiosity by asking the
woman who kept the place, what it
was that she sold there. She replied
that "she didn't sell anything; but
that that sign was to tell people that
agues were cured there!"
eyes," sobbed the lunatic's widow,
my husband got SO deeply involved
In the plot of a story he was writing
that he could not extricate himself
or his characters from it, and he
went crazy" "The victim of a vile
plot!" calculated the sympathizing
keeper.-Puck.
Christmas draws near, and the
SAVIOR of roasted goose and turkey
will soon assail the grateful nostril.
In "merrie England" they still have
the boar's head on the table; but
we Americans have made an improve.
ment on the custom. Instead of a
single one on, we often have half a
dozen bores' heads around the table.
Diner-"You have waited upon me
very %acceptably and I have enjoyed
my meal thoroughly. You have be-
haved like a gentleman, and agentle-
man you certainly are, notwithstand-
ing your humble occupation" Wait
er-"I hope sir, that 1 am a gentle
man. / always try to be one. "Diner
ut is as I suspected. And being a
gentleman, I shall not insult you by
offering you money. Perhaps at
some future time I may be able to
r~eciprocate your courtesy. Till
then, farewell "-Boston Transcript.
The Laugh that Rings.
Ayoung man who is credited by
. = I--s1l 49,. $500 81