Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-12-14


the effort. Cheerfulness is good habit /;
il should be cultivated by old, young and
middle-aged. 1t will make the sorrows
and cares of life easier to bear, and it will
make life more acceptable to others.
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.
Miss Van Dash-"Have you met Count
Eusterbee?" d.. Blank-"Oh, yes; he
was my butler for some time."-Munseys
Weekly.
Mrs Bunting-"It seems odd that gas
can be solidifed into bricks" Bunting
"Not at all. Lots of men have made rocks
out of it."-Munseys Weekly.
Jack-"Why is dough like man ~
Susie-"Because it's hard to get off your
hands" Jack-"Oh, no! It's thing the
women d"-Harrard Lampoon.
woman can learn TO ride wi eel.
As well, perhaps, as the average man.
But she can't throw a stone TO hit house,
For she isn't constructed upon that plan.
Boston Tidreler.
"Count, l have found an American girl
with 100000 who will marry you"
SLOW wash her moneys made?" "Her
father made it in the soap business" "She
Won't dow
Customer-"My watch which you re-
paired for me some time ago has stopped"
Jeweler-"Ah. my collector informs me
that the bill is still running."-N. Y
Herald.
Il should think that Dudley would be
careful not to drop his voice in singing"
"Why 500" Because, it is so cracked
nov that it would not take much to break
it."-LolreU Citizen.
"John," asked the Sunday teacher
of the new scholar, what do you know of
the proverb regarding people who live in
glass houses ?" "They orter pull down
the blinds. Puck.
Snagley-"I used to think that Sue was
sweet enough to eat when went to see
her. Chumley-'sWhy didn't you eat
her then?" Snagley-"Because she soured
on me- Vest Shore.
Visitor-"Isn't your mother afraid,
Willie, of catching cold in those slippers~
Willie-"Huh, guess you don't know
them slippers! Ma uses them to warm
the whole family with
Indignant Citizen" You should not
drive that beer-wagon at such a rate
through the streets" Wagon-driver-
HAT no fear, meester. Dot beer-vagon
vas so sthrong dot nossings could hurd it."
Husband-"Why, what in the world
did you get such little bit of bonnet as
that for ~ Wife-"Well, now, don't go
to making such fuss about it; just wait
until the bill comes in."-Detroit Free
Press.
Doctor-"You do appear to be in bad
way, that's a fact. What's your business?"
Patient-"Pm one of the city laborers."
Doctor-"It is as l feared. What you re-
quire, my man, is exercise. boston
Transcript.
Mabel-"AIrs. Jaysmith intimatedto me
yesterday, Amy, that you wore false hair"
Amy-"The idea! Why, the dealer as
sured me that it was genuine hair, AID
that he imported it himself from Francew
Drakes Magazine.
The boy with wisdom past his year
Now looks about with care to see,
Which of the Sunday schools appear
Most likely for Christmas tree.
Lynn Item.
81 hear the Bradleys are going South
this winter. I thought they'd lost all
their money!" "They have. That's the
reason they are going. They can wear
their summer clothes all winter, you
know"-N. Y. Sun.
"Where there's will there's way"
read the motto of the young lawyer. SIS
that appropriate to your profession ?"
asked a friend. ooh, yes" was the an
swer. "Where there's will there's way
Ito break it, and then we come in."-
Epoch.
Mrs. Young-"Pm afraid my husband is
killing himself with overwork." Mrs.
Odds-"How is thatY Mrs. Young
''Why, when we were first married he al
WAYS got home from the Office at ), and
now he's often kept until 10"- Munsey's
Weekly.
Eve gave you a good notice in our
paper" "Oh, did you? Well, don't do
it again. don't mind your saying our
vegetables are delicious, and the milk
pure, but when you add that our butter
speaks for itself we object" -Munseys
Weekly.
Blushing bride-elect was rehearsing the
ceremony about to take place. 81 shall
expect you to give me away, papa" she
said. "Pm afraid l have done it already,
Caroline" said the old man nervously. 81
told your Herbert this morning you had a
disposition just like your mother's."-
Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Lafferty visitor -"Y daughter
has foine touch, Mrs. Moriarity. Mrs.
-M.-"Yis, so they do be tellin' me; an
sure It's no wonther, for she loves the
pianny an niver tires of it. She has a
great tashte for moosic; but thin that's
ownly natural, for her gran'father had his
skull laid open wild cornet at temper
ance picnic.'-LJe.
Power of Music-Musician- vas de
'Marseillaise' dat make Vrance republic;
it vas Der Watch on der Rhine vat give
victory to Shermany; id vas Yankee
Dootle' vat free America und 'Shon
Browns Body vat free her slaves" Lay
man-"How about the 'Boulanger March,"
Musician-"Dot march save France from
Boulanger. Ven Boulanger hear id he do
vat We all do-he ruined avay."-Ne,g
York Weekly.
A sallow-faced woman, with wealth OF
freckles on her long nose, entered an
Austin street-car. There were eight or
ten well-dressed gentlemen in the car, but
none of them showed any inclination to
give her seat. After she waited a reason
able time, she remarked with asperity: ''Et
any of you galoots air waiten' for me to
squat in your laps, you are sucked-in
crowd, for l want you to understand | am
lady from the ground up" A dread
that she was not in earnest about not sit
ting in their laps caused six of the gentle
men to leave the car.-Ieras SJtings.
Tests for Glib Tongues.
Here are some sentences which rival the