Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-06-26

wonder now in thin days that my ears did
not grow a yard on me head wild list'nin.
But 1 looked straight forninst me, an
hauled up this an dragged down that, such
as was my duty, an the orf'cers' ladies sez
one to another, thinkin' was out av listen
reach: 'Fwhgt an obligin' young man is
this Corp'ril Mulvaney?' was Corp'ril
then. 1 was rejuced aftherward; but no
matther, 1 was Corp'ril wanst
"Well, this 'Sweethearts' business wint
on like most amshure theatrical, an barrin'
fwhat suspicioned, 'twasn't till the dhress
rehearsal that saw for certain that thin
two-he the blackguard, an she no wiser
than she should ha' been-had put up an
evasion"
"a what?" saidL.
Evasion! Fwhat you lorruds an ladies
call an elopement. Evasion calls it, be-
kase, exceptin' whin tits right an natural
an proper, tits wrong an 'dhirty to steal
mans wan child not KNOWN her own mind.
There was sargint in the comm 'ssariat
who set my face upon e-vasions. I'll tell
you about that"
''Stick to the bloomin' Captains, Null
vaney," said ortheris, "comm'ssari& sar-
gints is low"
Mulvaney accepted the emendation and
went on:
"Now, I knew that the Colonel was no
fool, any more than me, for I was hild the
smartest man in the rig mint, an the
Colonel was the best orf'cer commandin' in
Asia; so fwhst he said an 1 said was a NOR
tial truth. We knew that the Capt'n was
bad, but, for reasons which I have already
oblitherated, I knew more than me Colonel.
l wud ha' rolled out his face wld the
butt av my gun before permittin' av him
to steal the gurl. Saints knew av he wud
ha' married her. and av ne didn't she wud
be in great tormint, an the diviI av what
you, sorr, call scandal But I niver
sthruck, niver raised me hand on my shu-
perior Off Ger; an that was merricle, now
come to considher it.
"Mulvaney, the dawn's risin'," said
Ortheris, can we're no nearer 'ome than we
was at the beginning. Lend me your
pouch. Mines all dust"
Mulvaney pitched his pouch across, and
filed his pipe afresh.
$50 the dhress rehearsal came to an end,
an, beksze 1 was curious. stayed behind
whin the scene shiftin' was ended, an
shud ha' been in barricks, lyin' as fat as
toad under painted cottage thing. They
was talkin' in whispers, an she was shiv-
erin an gaspin' like fresh-hukked fish.
Are you sure you've got the hang av the
manewvers? sez he, or wurrds to that effec',
as the coort martial sez. Sure as DEATH
sez she, but I misdoubt tits cruel hard on
my father Damn your father seq he, or
anyways twas fwhat he thought, the ar
rangement is as clear as mud. Jungi will
drive the carri'ge afther all's over, an you
come to the station, cool an aisy, in time
TOR the O'Clock thrain, where I'll be wild
your kit. Faith, thinks l to myself, thin
there's ayah NATIVE female servant in the
business tu!
"a powerful bad thing is ayah. Don't
you niver have any thruck wild wan. Thin
he began sootherin' her, an all the orf'cers
an orf'cers' ladies left, an they put out the
lights. To explain the theory av the flight,
as they say at Muskthry, you must under
stand that aither this 'Sweethearts' nonsinse
was ended, there was another little bit av a
play called 'Couples'-some kind ay couple
or another. The gurl was actin in this, but
not the man. l suspicioned he'd go the sta
tion wild the gurl's kit at the end ay the first
piece. Twas the kit that fusthered me, for
knew for q captn to 60 trapesIng about the
Umpire with the Lord knew what av a truso
on his arrum was nefarious, an wud be
varse than easin the flag, so far as the talk
afterwards wint."
"'Oid on, Mulvaney. Wot's truso?" said
Ortheris.
you're an oncivili zed Imam, me son.
Whin a gurl's married all her kit an 'cou-
portion. An tits the same whin she's rum
min away, even wild the biggest blackguard
on the Army List
so made my plan av campaign. The
Colonel's house was good two miles away.
Dennis, sez 1 to my color sargint, 'av
you love me lend me your kyart, for me
heart is bruke an me feet is sore wild tramp
in to and from this foolishness at the Gaf.
An Dennis lent ut, wid a rampin', stampin'
II. Il L Al
all settled down to their 'Sweethearts' for
the first scene, which was a long wan, I
slips outside and into the kyart. Mother
av Hivin! but made that horse walk, an
we came into the Cslonel's compound as
the divil went through Athlone-in standin'
leps. There was no there excipt the SER
vints, an I wint round to the back an
found the girls avah.
Eye black brazen Jezebel.' sez /, ssellin'
your masther's honor for FIVE rupees-pack
up all the Miss Sshib's kit an look slippy!
Capt'n Sahib's order sez L; going to the
station we are, sez, an wild that laid my
finger to my nose an looked the schsmin'
sinner was.
"'Bote acchy,' says she; so knew she
was in the business, ap' piled up all the
sweet talk I'd liver learnt in the bazars on
to this she bullock, an prayed av her to put
all tine quick she knew into the thing.
While she packed, 1 stud outside an
sweated, for l was wanted for to shift the
second scene. tell you q Young gurl's
evasion names as much baggage as rig
mint on the line av march. Saints help
Dennis's springs thinks I, as 1 bundled
the stuff into the thrap, for I'll have no
mercyp
"'l'm comm, too, says the avah.
'''No, you DON'T sez I, later-pechyl
You baito where you are. I'll pecby come
an bring you sart, along with me, you
maraudin"-niver mind fwhat called her.
Thin 1 wint for the Gaff, an BY the
special ordber sy Providence, for 1 was
doin' a good work you will ondersthand,
Dennis springs hild toight. Now, whin
the Capt'n goes for tnst kit, thinks l, he'll
be troubled At the end av 'Sweethearts'
off the Capt'n runs in his kyart to the
ColoHeI's house, an 1 sits down on the steps
and laughs. Wanst an again I slipped in
to see how the little piece was goin', an
whin ut was near endin' stepped out all
among the carriages an sings out very
softly, tJungip Wild that a carriage began
to move, an 1 waved to the dhriYer.
'Hitherao!' says 1, on he hitheraoed till
I judged he ives at proper distance, an
thin ] tux him, fair an square be-
tune the eyes, all 1 knew for good or
bad, an he dnropped wild guggle like the
canteen beer engine whin ut's runnin' low.
Thin ran to the kyart and TUX out all the
kit and piled it into the carr'ge, the sweat
runnin' down nv face in dhrops. Go
bome,' says to the sails; you'll find man
close here. Very sick he is. Take him
away, an av you ivir say wan wurrd about
fwhat you've dekkoed I'll marrow YOU till
your own wife won't sunjao who you areP