Thomas County cat., 1890-09-04
WORK OF THE WITS.

"OdN Or In6 WIbSs
How TO make both ends meat.-Seo
that neither is bone.
A CHANGE of climb it-Putting stairs
In the elevator shaft.
I MEN and women are made from the
roar material-babies.
RESTAURANT keepers are always
ready to steak Q man when he has
money.
The bee has managed some how to
get credit for industry, but it's q regu-
lar humbug.
"JoHNNY, why did not the boys ,le-
brate the Fourth of July in 11.J7"
Because there never was no Fourth Of
July until 76."
INTERvIEwER-Arey you fsvorably i'm
pressed with this country? Emin emit
Lecturer-Very. I'm raking in thou
and dollars week.
LENA-I had dreadfully duh time
with Mr.. 6illyman last evening. Emma
Did yen have to do all the talking?
No, I had to listen to him.
An Irishman seeing q Chinamanl
reading Chinese book backward, as is
their custom, exclaimed: Johnny, are
you lefthanded or only cross-eyed?"
'SIR," said the subscriber to the edi-
tor, ''those supposed jokes you rintl
are very foolish Sir replied the
editor, You should see what I reject"
She enthusiastically )-Oh, George,
don't you think the greatest JOY in life
is the pursuit of the good. the true and
the beautiful? He-That's what am
here for.
FAKIR - Neckties. suspenders =
Broken men (haughtily)-Do I look
like q man who'd wear o twenty cent
necktiel Fakir-Vell, I have some
for ten cents, mister.
GUEST believe I see several flies
in this soup, waiter. Waiter Gin sur
prise You must be mistaken, sir. I
was very careful to take them all out
before I brought it in.
BANK cashier of Hibernian extrac-
tion (opening the mail and smelling the
document this note must have
been drawn in the oil regions, I see
there are three days erase on it.
A CONSOLATION First Cloudlet-
Yes; it's q quiet. happy life, floating
around up here; but there's one thing
that makes mo sad. Second Cloudlet
Whats that2 First Cloudlet-
Think that when I'm gone I'll not be
mist. -.-..-....-.s,Ss -
"MY husband has been gone nearly
three hours from the house, and I can't
for the life of me imagine what has be-
come of him." Perhaps he has gone
fishing" ooh! no. he hasn't gone
fishing, for the flask is on the dining
room table.
POLICE Captain-Haye you attended
to that burglary at Mr.. Goodman's
house? Detective-Yes; been at work
on it all day. What is your conclu-
sion? A robbery has been committed.
Very well. Now go to work on these
other cases.
PRESBYTERIAN enthusiast-Thep pa
pers are full of talk about revision. I
am un.lterably opposed to it. Ordinary
citizen-So am I. The rules are good
enough now. The only trouble is with
the umpires. Give us honest umpires
and our club will win every game.
PERSISTENT. Mrs. Goodenough-
You're the sixteenth tramp that's been
around here to-day, and can't do any
thing for you. Mr.. Obadiah Toogood-
Sorry, nam; sorry but if you'll lemme
sleep in the barn over night I'll be the
first tramp ter ak for breakfast ter
morrar.
A ROMANCE.
Two lovers lean on the garden gate;
The hour Is late.
At chamber window her father stands
And rubs his hands.
For q while he watches them unawares,
Then goes downstairs.
He looses the dog from his iron chain
The rest is plain.
The moonlight siIvers tho garden-gate
The hour IL late.
No ASSISTANCE (scene, the club at 5
D. m.): Cholly (meditatively) = By
Jove! I wish knew what Kitty Keene
would say if I should ask her to marry
me. Holly with tone of bitter rem
iniscence)-I could tell you what she
said to me when I did, if it would help
you any, old fellar.