The Sunday herald and weekly national intelligencer., 1890-10-12

LOT pTOuGS come from the SIN Oh mankind
l. G., whenever anybody says large d with
dash after 1t he is forced to put in this anything
from ten to fifty cents, according to the warmth
of expression or the intensity that he may throw
into his language. This seems like an encour-
agement of basphemy, though 1t is not meant
that way-I am anxious to get the box full, and
l do wish men could appreciate what luxury
swearing is.
WHEN WOE BECOMES LUXURY.
My third savings-box is check upon myself;
whenever feel that life isn't worth living, and
that the average editors blue pencil is too
sharp, and that am the most miserable woman
in the world, have to pop quarter in it, and
in time it will get dolls for sick children Now,
experience has taught me that when you have
to pay for being miserable, your inclination to
keep joyous and bright increases hour by hour
or else you get SO you simply say to YOURSELF
"rll be jiggered If don't have half an hour of
Woe" Then you drop in your quarter, take
your half hour, and when the clock announces
that it is over, il you want any more you have
got to pay for it. BY this means a day of woe
becomes almost an impossibility to the average
woman. This is my own invention, and at one
time l thought Of taking out patent for it, but
l concluded that instead would put it in black
and white and let q number of households be
glad because Of 1t.
WHAT MEN DO NOT SUFFER.
What kind of stockings do you wear9 Idon't
mean in color, for, of course, they are black
but I mean in length. The proper caper in
stockings is to have them just as long as you
possibly can; in fact excepting they not being
joined together, they are exactly like tights
This is something that sounds very beautiful,
and the average young woman when she gets
them wants to insist upon having her sister
woman go and do likewise. You see she does
not know yet what small little imp was woven
in with the silk When they are put on she
gleefully announces she will hold them up by
suspenders, and the first time she goes out to
walk in them she feels so nervous that the
stockings grow nervous likewise, the suspender
comes undone, they slide down-that insidious
silk, and she gasps to the woman with whom
she is walking: "They have reached my knee,
and will be on the ground the next thing that
know" The fitting into doorway is then at
tempted and the stocking is tied up or pinned
up until some shop can be reached where the
suspenders can be Strengthened again, and the
wearer of the beautiful long stockings may walk
forth feeling like different woman. That is to
say she ought to feel this way, but she does
not. She has gotten nervous, and she manages
her legs as if they were not her own, for fear
that slight misstep would cause the hook to
break and the beastly thing to come down again.
Experience has taught that nothing is reliable
but -pins-safety-pin fastening the stock
ings to belt. Everybody has to learn this by
experience, and if you should chance to see a
girl looking as nervous as possible, and clutch
ing in way the upper part of her skirt as If she
wanted to keep it from falling down, you can
| make up your mind that she has on her first long
stockings, and that she is very uncertain as to
how they are going to stay by her.
LITTLE FoIBLEs OF BOTH SEXES.
Certainly women endure great deal to be
| beautiful-some women.
Some women lace themselves until their waists
are so small that you conclude their brains are
| situated there.
Some men have their shoulders padded hop
ing to look like athletes, whereas they simply
look like base limitations Of men of weight.
Some women put rouge on in such thick lay
ers that the impression is given that their in
tention was to paint the town red and they be-
gan on their own faces.
Some men will spend one hour parting their
hair to conceal bald spot which nature intends
to be seen, and nature is always long way
ahead Of art.
lieve that their skirt will hide It; they never
made greater mistake in their lives.
Some men waste all their intelligence arrang-
ing a scarf and then wonder that the world does
not appreciate it.
Some women think that dowdiness and artis-
tic effect are synonymous, and then are sur
prised that men call them guys.
Some men will love a woman even If she
wears her hair in curl papers, sleeps with cold
cream all over her face, forgets that three but
tons are gone off her boot, that her gloves are
disreputable, and that her frock needs mending
but these men are few and far between, and are
usually what the darkies call ''lacking."
Some women would ratherh a new bonnet
than an edition of the Encyclopedia Britain
nica," and among that number is BAB.
Making Tobacco Harmless.
From the Philadelphia Inquirer.