The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-08-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

of fame on rounds of drinks. .-Btng-
hG71toss Leader.
The man who keeps. still when he
hasn't anything to say is public bene-
factor.-S S0nerville Journal.
The man who is trying tosclimb up
find lots of heels above him and lots of
fists behind him. -Atchison Globe.
HAS your girl keen sense of the
ridiculousp" Yes. she laughs all the
time 1 am with her.p-Detroit Free
Press.
There is no agnostics among the col
lege graduates. Lack of positive
knowledge comes later.-Boston Tran
script.
When pelson grows weary of we'll
doing look out for a brilliant squirt in
the opposite direction. = Mila0aueee
Journal.
$50 Chollie has gone abroad?"
YES" "Who sent him that beautiful
bunch of forget-me-nots?" His tailor"
M Y Sun.
When a girl dislikes her suitor she
steels her heart against him. When
she likes haln she lets him steal it
BinghGnaton Leader.
Mr.. Borrowit-.I wish you would
help me out little to-day" Mr.. Busy
with pleasure. I'll hold open the
door 7. Weekly.
Love Cor something somewhat sim
ilar) rules the court" when pretty
woman is suing for breach of promise.
-IeTre Haute Erpress.
"How did you enjoy your vacation?"
20, Ihad great time. Couldn't go
to work when got back was SO
broke up. ."-Boston Herald.
When a man marries he fully in
tends to be No. one in the family. but
often the period drops out and he is no
Terre Haute Cypress.
Beatrice. Isn't that man a fine
type of a runner?" Harry-"He may
be. fine type, but he has just made a
miss-sprint. ~ Harvard Lanapoon.
Broken hearts are like broken ware
they may be mended but their
strength is gone, and they are of little
worth after at.-Atclison Globe.
.Clara-"I have such a horror of
growing old" Maud (sweetly)-"I
should think you would have got over
it by this time. ."-Drake's Magazine.
She-eIt will be pleasure for me to
share your troubles and anxieties.
He-"But / haven't any" ''She-'O,
you win have when We are married" "
Life.
Sign Writer II can supply you
with, any kind of signs you want"
Jeweler-..All right. Paint me few
signs of a rushing fall trade. ."-JeOel-
ers' Weekly.
II am going to the shore; yes" said
Miss Angeline, 'sand I'm not going
husband hunting; butif any nice young
man is out wife-hunting I shall be
easily found. ."-Hartford Post.
Teacher-'I notice by the papers
they have arrested more Russian
students" Elder-'It is high time. 1
don't believe in those rushes, anyhow.
They are too brutal" l."-LooOeU Citizen.
What is your husbands
complaint, ma:am? Is it chronic?"
Wife-.'Yes, sir. have never known
him to be satisfied with meal for the
last thirty-fve years. = Burlington
Free Press.
care you good at teaching the ele-
mentary principles of music?'' MY
connections prove it, ma'am. | have
to say have had one pupil under nv
charge eight years without break
and have him yet" = Philadelphia
Times.
Come, come, don't be fool, my
DEAR" said the husband during do
mestic breeze. Didn't marriage make
you and me onep" she asked. ''Of
course it did, How can / help be-
ing a fool, n?"-Sumnan (M J.)
] Record.
An exchange says that "a model
wife is one who thinks her husband
knows more than her kim" This may
be true. But to come mp to the re-
quirements would put an awful strain
on the wives of some husbands.-Deaa.
ger Times.
She was New York woman. As
Peter swung open the gates she en-
tered gladly, but paused doubtfully
just outside the golden portal and, Civ
ing MIN an anxious glance. whispered:
Tell me, is my hat straight?''-Mat'a-
seu's Weekly.
Weeks What very clever poem
young Keightley has written in Miss
Gladys album!' Wentman (who has
q poor opinion of Keightley's muse)-
very. He copied it out of Tennyson
without getting single word wrong. :"
Dry Goods Chronicle
Who are those ladies in
that left-hand box?" Muggins-"O
that is constellation of society stars. u
Wiggins-'.Any particular constella-
tion?" Muggins-''Well. judging from
their decollete costumes, I should saw
the Great Bare. America.
Teacher-"John, of what are your
boots madep" Boy-"Of leather, sir"
Teacher-''Where does leather come
from?" Boy-"From the hide of the
OK" Teacher-.What animal, there
fore, supplies you with boots and shoes
and gives you meat to eat?" Boy
my father. - Chatter.
o, dear. no. my son, we do not steal
the poor natives of Africa now and
sell them into slavery. We just steal
their country and charge them a pref
ty little rent for the privilege of living
in it. Yes, my son, the world has i'm
proved greatly in its morals in the last
half century.-Boston Transcript
''Do you belive in evolution?" in
quired the baboon of the gray ape.
''Great cocoanut! no." was the an
swer. did you ever see anything
like that in Africap'' and he pointed to
dude in front of the cage. mo, y
said the baboon, "but the species may
have deteriorated. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
There is a sadly frivolous Boston
young woman who says that her ''pa"
can turn out bachelors more expedite
ously than any college. because he
doesn't do it by degrees. He begins
the graduation exercise at 10 p. m.
sharp. and they are always finished
lO:1 sharp by stop watch.-N. Y.
Tribune.
Johnny (reading aloud tale of ad-
venture)-"And as he was cast on a
desolate shore and he did not see the
face of man for years" Sister Kate
"Why, mamma! the poor unfortunate
must have been wrecked on Resorters'
Beach where we were last summer.
We were there three months, you re-
member, and didn't see man the
whole time. ."-Bosto,t Transcript.