Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-10-27

Take your puzzle to the druggist-he's
always ready with a solution.
\ glittering SUGGESTIVE solitaire en-
gagement ring.
Many congressman envies the mos
quito. His bill always goes through.
The difference between a starving man
and glutton is that one longs to eat and
the other eats too long.
''How did you come to know that you
were in love with me, dearie?" II felt
that was an awful fool"
Bacon-Have you seen young Brummel
in his new tennis suit? Helooks like thun-
der. Egbert-As loud as that?
Miss de Muir-Papa always gives me a
book as birthday gift. Miss de Meanor
What fine library you must have.
Visitor What is that which no man
wants, no man has, and no man can get
rid of? Small bOy-My sister Mary.
He Cooking at the clock) Bless me.
how time flies l had no idea it was so
late She (yawning)-Better late than
never.
Mrs. Gummy-Edison says that no ex
pertinent which he has tried at night ever
failed Gummey-Then he never tried to
walk his baby to sleep.
Old Mr.. Grump-You seem to be fond of
sweet things, Bobby. Bobby-Yes, pa,
but L suppose I'll be fond of my bitters
when I'm as old as you
There are two reasons why some people
don't mind their own business. One is
that they haven't any mind, the other that
they haven't any business.
The time passed very pleasantly in the
parlor and it was not till the clock and
the neighbOring bells struck one that the
lateness of the hour struck two.
Father-What, you want to marry nv
daughter9 Why, sir, you can't support
her. L can hardly do it myself. Suitor
(blankly)-Can't we chip together?
Beau-Ethelinda is certainly fine girl.
Mrs Checksy, though there is one thing
dislike about her. Mrs C.-What is
that, Mr.. Molly? Beau-Another fellow.
Wouldn't you like to study lam
guages, Bobby? Bobby can talk two
languages now, aunty. Aunty-You can?
What are they? Bobby-English an base
ball
CuStomer-Look here, waiter, L asked
you five minutes ago for napkin. Wait
er-fes, sab; | heard We, sab; but de
gent at de next table isn't through wild it
yet, sab.
Vlsitor-I've not seen any of you for
ever SO long. How is your little brother
coming on, Tommy? Tommy-First-rate
He can whistle for himself and wear nv
trousers.
Ola Lady-I'd like to buy some plasters
young fellow. Drug Clerk-Yes. ma'am:
porous? Old Lady-Do you s'pose L want
TO ketch my death O. cold? Let's see yer
winter styles.
AuntTheo-Tommyl I'm surprised YOU
forgot your Bible so quickly. Now when.
the rain descended and smote the Garth
for forty days what was it called? Tom
my-(promptly)-Mu
Johnny" said the teacher, ..who were
the two strongest men of olden timesP ?"
samson and Hercules .sCan Won tell
anything about them?" sob, yes. Sam
son was regular Hercules"
Ibid you know, Jellaby that old MANY
rocks walked all the way to CHICAGO from
Auburn, n. Y, when he first came here.
was too poor to pay his car fare?" rs
that SO? And now he's too rich to, and
rides on pass. Queer world thisi"
81 want an egg plant" said a Young
married woman to the grocer. I'm sor-
ry, but l haven't one in the stor. inst
now "Well. must get one somewhere.
and raise my own eggs; for I'm resolved
not to pay such high prices for them"
Three of your sons have already made
complete failures in this school, and now
you want the fourth one to enterr' 81
know, Mr.. Professor, bat then, you know
the books have cost me so much, and
feel as if somebody ought to be using
them
Everything provided for.-Guest: s.I'm
glad there's rope here in case of fire
but what is the idea of putting Bible in
The room in such prominent position?
Bell Boy: dat am intended for use. sab
in case the IRE am too far advanced foh
you 10 make yoh escape, sab"
yes, brethren" said the clergyman
who was preaching the funeral sermon.
''Our deceased brother was cut down In
single night-torn from the arms of
his loving wife, who is thus left a discon-
ISOLATE widow ut the age of twenty eight
years" ''Twenty-six, if you please
s0bs the widow In the front pew, emerg-
luE from her handkerchief for an instant.