The morning call., 1890-08-10
MIR. BOWSER
AND THE STOVE.
Mrs. Bowser Explains How Pig.
Headed Her Husband Is,
and Shows How Foolish It Is for Self Willsd
Man to Do What 1t Requires Two Strong
Hen to Do-A Nsighbors idea.

E?SAST fall Mr.. Bowser put base-burner
in the front hall to keep it at COM
Ez9 Portable temperature during the win
ter, and when spring came nothing was said
about moving the stove. 1t was not in the
way. We had no place to move 1t to, and
when summer came without Mr. Bowser
having said anything about a removal, felt
perfectly assured that he would leave that
stove alone. Great was my CONSERVATION,
therefore, when he suddenly observed the
other evening, as we roasted on the front
steps,
"Well, well, but how absent-mnded l
have become! Why didn't you call my at
tention to the fact that that coal stove had
not been moved out of the hall?"
Because it is to be left there"
Not much! People must have thought
us queer family to leave 1t there as long as
" Mr.. Bowser, that stove is not in the
way, and it is not an eye-sore. Besides we
have no place to store 1t.
50 II goes TO the barn, of course"
1t would be the most foolish thing you
could do"
numph How would it look to have
snow-shoyel standing on each side of our
front door with the thermometer at go in
the shade? One must have an eye out for
consistency and
THE ETERNAL FITNESS OF THINGS.
"Well, if you are determined to move it,
if you Will move it in spite OF my protests,
send up a couple of men tomorrow and
have it over with.
Send up nothing! Do you suppose Pm
going to pay some one 81 to lift that stove
out when | can do it myself with a twist of
the wrist? I'll have it out of the way in
ten minutes"
Mr.. BoWse you can no more move that
stove than l can fly"
"Can'tI? l can do it with one hand tied
behind me, and FL go right at it."
argued and entreated, but 1t was no use.
1t was a dreadfulIy warm evening, and Mr..
BOwser was painting as he sat fanning hinl-
self, but what did he do but walk in and
prepare for the struggle. felt that | ought
TO make one last appeal, and | followed him
in and said:
MIR Bowser, if you wont touch the stove
tonight I'll make big pitcher OF ice-cold
Lemonade"
Lemonade! Nonsense! One would
think from the way you talk that was go
ing to murder somebody. Just sit right
here and enjoy the cool breeze while l skip
the, stove out, III gel, the wheel-barrow
and take it to the barn"
Mr.. B0wSer, remember that | protest"
Certainly. You are the great American
protestorr, anyway. If L killed fly you'd
protest"
what would happen, but felt that L had
done my duty. | heard him fussing around
for a while and then be muttered:
shes purity hefty. but she's got to come
out o this.
TEN SECONDS LATER
There was a wild whoop, and when got
into the hall Mr.. Bowser stood on one foot
and was shaking the other in the air, while
the top of the stove lay on the floor. He
had pulled it off at the first grab.
He was yelling as he waved his foot
Didn't I tell you?" queried, as looked
at him.
mol Never! You never said word
not a word!'
Now will you let the stove alone?"
moi I'll take it out of here if die for
itv'
"Mr. Bowser. this pig-headed obstinacy
OF yours will surely lead to"
But he made jump at me, and fled
| back to the front steps and waited in sus-
! pense and terror for the climax. 1t was
| prolonged for about ten minutes. Mr..
| Bowser had decided to go slow and avoid
another accident. He took off all the loose
| parts, removed his coat, vest, collar and
| cuffs, dropped the Suspenders off his
| shoulders, and | plainly heard him spit on
| his hands and growl.
None of the Bowser family were ever
| yet dOwned by coal stove, and it's too late
| to begin now"
Another man would have removed the
legs first. He didn't think of it, but under
| took to move the stove as one moves n bar
| rel standing on end. He had progressed
about five feet, when there was sound
! which frightened the whole neghborhood.
! My first impression was that the ginger ale
factory in the alley had exploded and driven
| our barn up against the kitchen. My next
| was that British gun-b0at had slipped
around from the = SEA- and q r6fipusa .
! ar4QC=leund- Shell on the roof of our bouse
| to offset Mr.. BoWSer'S assertions that we
| were the
| REATEST FIGHTING NATION ON EARTH.
| i knew what had happened. So did the
| cook. So did the neghbors. 1t was
minute before l could move, and l was
| flying indoors when l heard Mr.. Bowser ut
| ter strange sound-something between the
last roar Of dying lion and the paintive
moan of COW for her lost calf. conldn't
see him at first 1t was all stove. and the
stove was on top OF him. Between my
screams and tie cooks shouts we got
| neighbor in, and the three of US lifted up
the stove and dragged Mr.. Bowser out
| "You are the biggest fool in America and
| I'll gamble on TIP exclaimed the neighbor
as he stood over Mr.. Bowser.
A lGng-drawn groan.
ut ought to have killed you! A man
| who doesn't know better ought to have ton
| of iron fall on him. | suppose Your wife
will be foolish enough to send for a doctor.
but If You were any kin to me I'd take you
out and drive you head-first into the alley.D
| With that he went away, ana | got the
| doctor up. No bones were broken, but Mr..
Bowser had collapsed, like an empty bar
| rel, ana every square inch of him was
bruised and pounded. 1t was long after
midnight before he said anything. | was
| rubbing him with arnca with one hand
| and tanning him with the other, when he
looked up and asked:
Mrs. Bowser, is 1t fatal?'
'Oh, no. dear"
"Any bones broken?'
None"
did the stove fall on me?"
Eyes, DEAR
Don't yes, dear me, Mrs. Bowser for
won't stand It'll The scales have fallan
from my eyes at last, and l know YOU for
what you are! A nice job, wasn't iii Cal.
culated I'd be driven through the floor.
didn't you? Hoped to be widow by this
time, Ell? Tomorrow, Mrs. Bowser. i'I
call lawyer and we'll see what's what
| Detroit Free Press.