Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-08-04

The much maligned mosquito has one
virtue at least. He always sings at his
work.
shortcake must, indeed, be short
when it can't raise the wherewith to berry
itself decently.
Faithful Boy-Is the boss in? No.
When will he be back? 1 can't say? Why
can't you say? He told me not to.
Clara-I have such horror of growing
old. Maud (sweetly)-I should think
you would have got over it by this time.
Three things that never become rusty
the money of the benevolent, the shoes
ola butchers horse, and woman's tongue.
The year old boy who was both a
wheelbarrow and cart is about as much
embarrassed as a young man with two
girls.
How is she. ynur sister; by marriage?
N-no, stammered Chappie. Quite the re-
verse,you know. By refusal of marriage.
When a young man begins to talk about
his troubles to girl it is a sign that it
will not be very long before she will be
his greatest one.
A learned writer declares that butter
was unknown to the ancients. This
makes it harder than ever to account for
the flavor of some we have tasted.
He-What would you say if were to
tell you that it was your money that
bought me? She 1 should say that
paid veay large price for such as an in
significant article.
Benevolent-We Fritz, you got whipp-
ed in school to-day? Yes, but it did not
hurt. But you certainly have been cry
ing! Oh, wanted to let the teacher have
a little pleasure out of it.
A morning CalI,-Mrs. Pattangill Ito
neighbor who has just dropped in')-
No Elviry, can't say,-no really can't
that enjoy goin' to funerals, 'ceptin', of
course, when its one of my own folks.
Not Much Mind to Make up-You are
too vacillating, Mr.. Scroggs said.
could make up mp mind on the matter at
once. So could 1 my dear, replied Scroggs,
ii had as little as you have.
Hurroo for ould Oireland, exclaimed
Muldoon when he came across the names
O'TempOra, OMores. They are cousins
of me own, only twice removed, he ex-
planned, tossing his head in supreme self
satisfaction.
Silvins-"Got the toothache why
don't you hold some whiskey In your
mouth for minute ?" Blivins-''I've tried
it but can't do it to save my life. 1t will
go down." Slivins-''I see, the tooth is
in the wrong location
Mrs. Uptown-What can we do, dear
to pass away the time until evening. Mrs.
Aboutown Let US go around the stores
and run up some bills for our husbands,
to pay. The more money they have to
raise the less time they have to scold.
Kind LADY, suppose your lot is full
of hardship" Tramp Indeed it is, mum.
In the winter wen the farmers is doing
nothin' but eatin' apples an drinkin' cider,
it's too cool fer US TO tramp; and in tn
summer we're alters bein' offered work.
Mamma had found it necessary to dis
cipline George for being naughty one day,
usually the forgiving nature of the child
was held in check until his father came
home, when the little boy ran to him and
said; Papa, / want you to do sumpfin for
me; want you to discharge mamma.
fellow thinking to appear smart en-
tered a notion store on Sixth Avenue the
other day and said to one of the sales la
dies. Ever have any call for husbands
here? Oh. yes occasionally. Are you
looking for a market? Yes, said Smarty
All right step right up on the ten cent
counter.
A ten years old boy thinks his father
knows a great deal; at fifteen be knows
as much AZ his father; at twenty he knows
twice as much; at thirty he is willing to
take his advice; at forty he begins to
think his father knows something, after
all; at fifty he begins to seek his advice,
and at sixty, after his father is dead, he
thinks he is the smartest man that ever
lived.
At Scotch fair farmer was trying to
engage lad to assist on the farm, but
would not finish the bargain until he
brought character from the last place,
so he said, Run and get it, and meet me
at the cross at four O'Clock. The youth
was up to time. and the farmer said,
Well, have you got your character with
you? Ma, replied the youth; but I've got
yours, and I'm mo- comm.