Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-11-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A magazine article-Gunpowder.
A finger wring-The thumb-screw.
Fowls share at least one attribute of
mankind-The good die young.
It looks funny, but sinking fund is
the means of raising a debt.--Boston
Gazette.
The mosquito is desperately wicked
creature. 1t never rests till it gets "be-
hind the bars. ."-Pasck.
Why is Pennsylvania like good SOL
dier2 Because it is well drilled, of course.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Never call man another unless you
know what you are talking about, and
be careful then.-Nep York World.
If you'd have me
And I'd have you
Why, you'd be won
And I'd be, too.
-Ne,o York Herald
Lady Ito applicant for place)-"Are
you plain cooke" Applicant-"Well,
1 s'pose cud he purifier. ."-Binghamton
Leader.
A mountain side makes the best pas
ture for young cows, because climbing
tends to strengthed the calves.-Boston
Journal.
When fly alights on your hand you
can't tell whether he is sitting or stand
ing. But it is different thing with a
bee.-Statesmdn.
He (reading)-"Then their lips met,
and" She Gnterrupting)-"Was it
protracted meeting, wonder!-Bur-
lington Free Press.
Magistrate-"Were you prisint whin
the assault was committed on yea" Wit
ness-"May it please the Coort, had
jist got there. "-Ha,pers Basar.
Edwin-s'And you'll always be true
to me, Angelina9" Angelina-"Why do
you doubt me, Edwin9" Edwin-"Oh,
you're too good to be true. Life.
Cobwigger-"Whyd does woman have
her pocket where it's so hard to get at
it2" Merritt-''So that she can stick
her friend for the car fare. Epoch.
Billy-"So you have returned from
your bridal tour. What did you see on
your trip that pleased you most"
John-"My wife. ."--Toronto Empire.
Although she's fast and smokes all day,
Men look on her with proud emotion;
Admired by all she makes her way
The steamer called ''the Queen of Ocean,"
Puck.
When a man is caught he owns up and
saws the woman did it. When woman
is caught sho swears it is not so, and
cries to corroborate her oath. National
Weekly.
"What are your potatoes, Mr.. Scales2"
"Thirty-fve cents peck" "They are
only thirty at Mr.. Bushels" "Why
don't you buy some therea" "He hasn't
any. ."-Neo York Sun.
"Left your purse at home, ehl Well,
can't lend you ten dollars, but l can put
you in the way of getting it at once.
Here's nickel. Take car home and
get your purse. - Chatter.
Simmons-"That is rather peculiar
stone you are wearing, Timmons. Must
be something rare, is it nota" Tlmmins
livery rare stone, indeed, my boy.
That is an 1890 peach stone. "-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Stage Manageable. Heavy, you will
take the part of ,Alonzo." Mr.. Heavy
81 have never seen this play. Do you
think can please the audience in that
part2" Stage Manage Immensely.
You die in the first act. ."-NeW York
Weekly.
"What queer name you have, Miss
Booglespeegle!" he said, after he had
asked her once or twice to pronounce it
for him. "Well," she responded, with
just the sweetest smile, ''you know what
you can do with that name, Mr.. Smith"
= Washington Star.
Show human that instrument isl" re-
marked Gale at the amateur musicale.
..Do you notice how it throbs and sighs9
Its strains" ns"--"You're right; it does"
assented Jack Pott, as he watched a
muscular young woman pound the keys
out of shape. "It's wonder to me it
doesn't burst a blood d-vessel! !"-Dry
Goods Chronicle
Old Lady (at Tampa Bay = "My
daughters want to go sailing. Can you
swim9" Yacht Skipper-"No num-"
Ola Lady" My goodness What
could you do if anything should happena"
Yacht Skipper-''Please, mum, when
the man wot does the sailiu' can't swim
he's mighty kecrful not to let anything
hannen - GooJ N-a,rs