The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-03-19
DINNER DISCUSSION.
The Duck Question Practically Worries
Out.


Out
A few days ago Mr.. Grumbledorf
came home promptly to his six o'clock
dinner with the laudable desire upper
most in his breast to he pleasant with
his wife They had little tilt at break
fast about the proper way to serve buck
wheat cakes, and both were little
ashamed of fussing over 50 III a trifing
matter.
Grumbledorf earnestly resolved to
make amends for his quarrelsomeness, if
he possibly could. He thought he
would begin 10y not abiding in the least
to their unpleasantness at breakfast,
and to be very genial at dinner and NOT
touch on any subject upon which dis
pute could possibly arise.
As Grumbledorf seated himself at
the table, his wife said willie, dear,
will you carve the duck? 1t looks so
nice and tender, am sure you would
rather serve it in that way than have
the girl cut it up in the kitchen"
Grumbledorf couldn't help but think
this little covert fling on his wife's
part at their mornings trouble, but he
put on his blandest smile and replied /:
Certainly, pet; would rather carve it
than not; but you mistake the name of
the bird. This is not duck, but
canvas-back."
We'll" said his wife, color ing lit
tie, isn't canvas-back duck duck 2"
No" replied Grumbledorf quite
blandly; "a canvas-back duck is can
vas-back duck, but duck is quite a
different thing. A duck runs around
in the back yards and is killed with
an AK.
"Oh, you're talking about tame
ducks, said his wife, with a least bit of
sarcasm. Il would like to know, if
canvasback is not duck, why tame
duck is duck, either? If you weren't
as stubborn as mule YOU would see
it, too
mo, my dear" said Grumbledorf,
struggling TO appear calm; Il have in
vestigated this subject very thoroughly,
and know what / am talking about. If
YOU have any conception of reason,
please listen to me. A tame duck is
simply called duck, whereas this
here" stabbing the bird with this fork,
sis called n canvas-back duck to distin
guish it from the other kind of ducks !;
the same"
There" cried Mrs. Grumbledorf in
terupting, "you admit that it is duck
Yourself You say the prefix canvas
back distinguishes it from the other kind
of ducks. Doesn't the word other prove
| am right, Mr.. Grumbledorf? If can
vas-back distinguishes this from the
other kind of duck doesn't that prove
this is one kind of duck? And if it is
kind of duck, haven't | right TO call it
duck Just as much as YOU have to call
tame duck duck? You know you are
wrong, like YOU always are, and if you
weren't great big, obtuse, headstrong
man, talking to poor, weak woman,
you'd aunt it." And Mrs. Grumble.
dorf began to get ready to cry.
Listen, my love, said Grumbledorf,
trying to talk as blandly as possible,
you have a false conception of this
matter. | am sure if You would only
listen to reason you would agree with
me. For instance, a dog is dog, isn't
it? Yet. if you had prairie dog here on
the table would you ask me to carve
the dog? But if you, shut up l will
carve this canvas back or die in the at
tempt. There, I've met you half way,
any how"
But you might have called it duck
while You were about it."
Mrs. Grumbledorf, you are the most
unreasonable woman / ever had any
dealings with. What in the (jab with the
fork world do you expect( slash with the
knife of a man, anyway. What hum
bling Enthusiastically concessions do
you want Gab-slash-slash) me TO make
and still (jab-slash-slash) preserve my
self-respect? (Jab-slashety-slash.) If /
ever get enough off this duck-do you
hear that ?-duck to jabety-jab-slash)
stave off starvation, / suppose L ought
to be thank Cabety-slashety slash.
Confound it What are YOU standing
there grinning for like weather-beaten
idiot? Call in the girl There's your
canvas. back on the tioor!"
The what?" asked Mrs. Grumble-
dorf.
"The duck" replied Mr.. Grumble-
dorf. sheepishly, as he went to look for
the benZine to clean out the grease
splashes all over his coat and vest.
But Mrs. Grumbledorf was smiling.
She had carried her point