The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1890-08-23

10 All. bat Dossn't-
All family men fancy. says Kate
Thorne 10 the N. Y. Weekly that they
can dress the baby much more deity
and expeditiously than the mother can
perform the same operation. That Is.
II they only set themselves about IL.
''Of course there Is no doubt ofthat."
says the man to himself. "A man can
do anything better than woman. and
not make half the fuss aud talk about
IL. Women wear themselves all out
talking things over. Why. woman
will talk more about making hatiron-
holder than . man would about build
Ing meeting house. When . man 10
going TO do anything he goes TO work
aud does IL. He doesn't have TO run all
over the neighborhood 70 ask everyone
he knows about II aud then do as he
has mind to. as . woman will do
And so having heard him boast OF his
capabilities for years some fine morn
Ing. when his wifs's head aches and the
feminine deity Of the kitchen has given
notice. the mother Of tho family invites
him TO dress the baby
The baby is big enough TO walk
around and have finger In avery pie.
but il will DO 'thc baby" till later
edition appears.
The man who knows il all Is smiles
triumphantly TO himself He is de-
lighted with the opportunity Of show
ing his wife how much quicker he can
do 1t than she can. Aud he'll sec II
that baby Is going to run all over
creation after cats and things. aud cry
half the time he is doing it. Discipline
Is what is needed with children.
He calls the baby to him:
Stand there. Freddie. while papa
finds your clothes. like good boy"
Freddy places himself In position.
while his ps goes in quest Of the rail-
ment belonging to the juvenile. Freddy
spies a bird on the top of tree la tho
yard. and he climbs on the piano to get
high up ut the window. and he knocks
down q couple Of bundles OF sheet
music. his sister Fanny's new hat that
she left there last night when she came
home from the party. so tired that sho
could hardly get upstairs 10 bed; and
then poor Freddy slips. and grabs
the window-shade TO save him.
self. and brings 1t down. fixtures and
all. aud draws n double-tracked rail-
road on the polished rosewood of the
piano with his wildly clutching finger
nails, and lands safely on the floor,
bowling with rage ut not having been
able TO get the bird.
BY that time his pa has found most
Of his clothes. and Is ready TO begin.
But Freddy isn't ready. He wants to
see the pictures in the album. Then
he insists on hearing the watch tick.
Then he wants To catch the dog by the
tail and give it good pull. to see II it
Is on fast. Then he wants to kiss
mamma.
Stand still!' says his pa. putting on
the severe look that he uses on his in
subordinate clerks in the dingy down
town Office. ''and see II you can keep
your tongue still while / dress youl
Don't wiggle SO. Freddyl Stand still
Put down your footl Let that cat
alone! Here. you little mischief. stop
chewing that lead-pencill Hold up
your head. can't youP Put this hand
through-no, that onel Good gracious.
IL Is strange that women will make
pants for babies wrong end tol And
more buttons on en- than would be
needed to button up regiment of menl
Now then. for the waist Humphl that
Is made the same way, all the buttons
In the wrong place. No arm-holes, no
nothingl Freddy. hold still tell you
IL doesn't hurt you'll Yes. It's on right.
IL can't DO on tho other way. BY Joyo.
I've forgot the drawers. aud stockingsl
Here. put up that foot. Good gracious.
Freddy. can't you stop wiggling your
toesP Hold your leg stiff. There now.
Now we'll put on the little mans
collar. What an outlandish contriv-
ance to fasten n collar. II doesn't
stay put anywhere. Let's see. the bow
goes under itP No. IL must 20 over II.
Keep your head STILL What are you
bobbing SO forP Lift up your arms,
Freddy! Why. what the deuce Is the
matter with this child's armsP He
can't move 'em. Don't cry, Freddy.
Let me look. DO stop that bawling
This all comes of you mothers humor
ing you so. say. Fred stop this noise
Stop IT, | sayl shall be crazy--I----'
And about ut this juncture his wife
appears on the scene, and she find
that Freddy's pants are hind part be
fore. and one OF his arms has been pu
through the neck space. and the Other
one through one armhole OF his waist.
and his collar which was made TO turn
down stands up. and his stockings are
on wrong side out; and his pa will
never own that there Is anything out o.
order about the proceeding. but the
next time he dresses the baby he
doesn't dress it--he always has some
thing to SEQ to that prevents him.