Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1890-08-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
When man knows that he cannot
get out of the mud his next impulse is
10 90 in deeper.-AtchiSon Globe.
The average waiter holds tray. but
the boarder generally finds him play
ing the deuce.-Binghamton Leader.
Mrs. McCorkle How religiously
solemn hese owls look" McCorkle-
YES; they are birds Of prey."-IAua-
sey's Weekly.
Johnny Peck-"Pa. what is meant
by the ruling passion'?" Mr.. N. Peck
ASK your mother, my son, she
knows all about it. Time.
She Tin evening toilet)-'I wasn't
comiry tonight, for hadn't anything
to wear He-"And YOU seem to
have worn it, Washington Star.
German Shoeblack (who can't get
his cigar stump to burn)-"By Jimi-
ny! Now they are making smokeless
cigars, l suppose!" -Fhegende Blat-
ter.
81 see your friend. Miss Edmunds.
has been getting married; did she do
weli?" No, miserably; her presents
were of very inferior quality. -
Time.
The city clergyman who can preach
the most scathing sermon against the
corruptions of municipal government
never goes to the polls to vote.-Ieras
Sytings.
Miss Blue-"Have you read Whit
tiers latest. The Captains Well?'"
Young Obtuse-'.N-no-ah was the
matter with the Captain? "-,St. Paul
Pioneer-PreSS.
Where is there a greater satire upon
man than in a game of chess. where
the Queen has to do all the work and
the King is the one to be protected?-
Teas Sytings.
Miss Cabble-'I have had the parrot
for three months and it mas never
spoken word yet" Caller-''Per-
haps you have never given it chance"
Ierre Haute Express.
'.How strict these reformers are"
exclaimed Mrs. Verde. Il see that
they are invading the army now, and
insisting that even the powder shall
not smoke. Time.
Briggs IL tell you, it makes me
feel sad to meet a young man on the
road to ruin" Braggs-'I didn't sup
pose such a thing could be possible. ~
Ierre Haute Express.
Lady (horses running away Dear,
la,t. ,ia,r. xvl,ot will baonp,a of mo cff
New Coachmen (grimly-'.Madam, it
depends on your past life. I'm all
right. ~. Y. Ledger.
Il hear your coachman ran off with
$500 of your money. Are you going
to try TO recover it?n No. the poor
fellow will need it; my daughter went
with him. Y. San.
Jim-.'rm just like the Father of his
Country can't tell lie" JAM
can = some lies. l can always tell
yours mile off. For instance, thu
last one. "-Dstroit journal.
Yeast-''Theyr raise some wonderfully
big beets out in California, I'm told"
Crimsonbeak - Yes; but they don't
get into the banks like they do in New
York. y Ionkers Statesman.
The tricky man is almost always
sure to be found out" said Smithers
to Bilthers. That's fact, especially
if you are calling to collect money that
he owes you. Washington Post.
A young woman began a song. Ten
Thousand Leaves Are Falling" She
pitched it too high, screeched, and
stopped. Start her at 5000" cried
an auctioneer. ''-Rritish american.
P. L. Barnum claims to own,
among other musical curiosities, the
biggest Tyre ever made. We trust this
is no reflection on his gentlemanly ad-
vertising agent.-Tonkers Stdtc'S'an.
What is society,"" 1T is place
where people who were poor twenty
five years ago tell of the p..beian
origin of their 'neighbors and con-
ceal their own humble beginnings."-
Boston Gazette.
Mrs. Bloodgeod-"What! not an open
n..pIaOv nv, suove IN Ins heus0l
How does your father warm his slip
pers. Willie?" Willie (ruefully) =
s.Warms 'em on me, misunderstanding.
ton Free Press.
Fogg-"I went to hear Gusherleigh
preach last Sunday" Brown-''Why.
/ thought you hated to hear him?"
Fogg-.So do; but it was his fare.
well sermon. l went out of pure graf
itude. "-Boston Transcript.
..Salvation's free" sang the choir.
"I'm glad of that" said q poorly
dressed old gentleman who had just
dropped in; .'but you jest wait till
some O. them English syndicaters get
hold t."-Boston Transcript.
Miss Playne-"I wonder if I could
recover any damages if / were to sus
him for breach of promise?" Miss
Flyppe-.you might possibly. if yor
should wear heavy veil all through
the trial. "-1erre Rdute Express.
First Manager-'.I'm going to bring
out something new in the Sbakspear-
-ean Ine. It's going to take. too. !"
Second Manager-..What is it?n FnM
Manager-".Hamlet,' with two Ham
lets and two graves of real dirt @K