The state herald. (Holyoke, Logan County, Colo.) 1887-1921, 1890-12-19
AMERICAN TOURISTS ABROAD.
Nothing Europe Can Offer Is Good Enough
for Them.

We travelled from Obercau with a
tourist agent. and ho told us all his
troubles. II seems that tourist agent
Is an ordinary human man. and has
feelings just like wc have. This had
never occurred to mo before. / told
him so.
No" he replied, "it never does oc.
cur to you tourists. You treat us ms IL
we were the Government itself. If all
goes well. you say. what is tho good OF
us. contemptuously; and il things go
wrong. you say. what is the good OF
us. indignantly: l work sixteen hours
day to fix things comfortably for You.
and you cannot even look satisfied
while If n train is late or a hotel pro.
prietor ovcrcharges you come and bul.
ly me about it. If see after you YOU
muttcr that am otlicious, and II !
leave You alone you grumblc that am
neglcctful. You swoop down in your
hundreds upon tiny village like
.Oberammcrgau without ever letting us
know even that you are coming and
then threaten to write to tho Times be.
cause there is not suite of apartments
and hot dinner waiting ready for each
Of you.
You want the best lodgings in the
place, and then. when at II tremendous
cost of trouble. they have been obtained
for you. you object TO pay the price
asked for them. You all try and palm
yourselves of for dukes and duchesses
travelling in disguise. You have mono
OF you ever heard of such thing as n
second-class railway carriagc-didn't
know that such things were made. You
want iirst-class Pullman car reserved
for each two of you. Some of You
have seen an omnibus in the distance
and hn,a wondered what IL was used
for. To suggest that you should travel
in such plebcian conveyance, is to
give you shock that takes you two
days 10 recover from. You expect a
private carriage with foo,man in
livery to take you through the noun
tains. You all of you must have the
most expensive places in the theatcr.
The cight-mark and six-mark places
are every bit us good ms the ten-mark
seats, Of which there are only very
limited number; but you are grossly
insulted II it is limited that you should
sit in anything but the dearest chairs.
II the villagers would only be sensible
and charge you ten marks for the
eight-mark places you would be happy;
but they won't.
Americans are the worst of YOU all.
They are never satisfied with anything.
They arc always grumbling. always
contrasting the discomfor,s Of Europe
with the heavenly joys OF their own
land. Why they ever leave it is n
mystery. The average American never
has happy moment from the hour he
sets foot In Europe till the hour he
leaves it; and he takes good care that
nobody he comes in contact with dur
ing his stay shall have one either
Nothing is right. to his idea, in Europe.
| According 10 the average travelling
American Europe will never be any
good until it is bought up and run by
some enterprising Yank.
We take him to an expensive hotel,
and he says he can stay at dcarct
place than that in America. We take
him to cheap one and he says he can
be more uncomfortable in New York
than he is there. We parade the whole
German army before him, with the
reserves. aud he says: Call that au
army? Why. we should use that as .
picket
We show him ruinod city. such ms
Pompcii or the ancient part of Rome,
and he says II is nothing to one Of thcii
little places out West after they have
had fire or a cyclone. | believe that,
when his time comes and the aycrag,
travelling American finds himself IL
iiades. he will. looking around on til,
assembly there. tell Pluto that. in BIZ
opinion, as collection. II is not {
patch upon what his people can show
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