The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1890-05-01
THE ARIZONA KICKER.

THE ARIZONA KICKER.
4 Nsnbsr Of Poists which the East Co.
Not Dapiicste.
We extract the following from the last
Issue of the Arizona Kicker:
DrDS'T Know IT WAS LOADED. Smith
4 Davis minstrels were billed for IN
entertainment It Montezuma Hall last
Friday night, but It didn't como on.
Instead Of that the whole gang stepped
on. They came here with the avowed
intention Of doing business without the
aid Of the Kicker. None Of them called
At the Office and they had no courtesies
to extend. We advised the people 70
stay away. On Friday morning, seven
members Of the gang entered our Office
to demand satisfaction. They didn't
know 1t was loaded. 1t was, however,
and when it went OF some of the bird
shot got in on each and every one Of the
gang, and We had TO tap one Of the end
men with m ax-helve in addition. We
haven't any one in this town who makes
> speciality Of digging lead out Of the
human system. and At noon they started
for Tombstone to give man there :
weeks job Hic jacket which is Mexi-
can for saying: Tho Kicker is always
loaded"
We ToID You SO.--Six weeks ago q
on Comanche street, and when we casu-
ally dropped In and mentioned the fact
that the Kicker was the best advertising
medium in the West, he didn't enthuse.
We knew there was something wrong
about him, and we sent his description
to the sixty-f0ur sheriffs and chiefs Of
police who are constantly in commune
cation with US Last Thursday, just
after we had gone to press, detective
arrived from Louisville and cOllared Mr..
Scott, who il . defaulting county treas
urer. He has left US, and wc bought the
stock Of groceries at about twenty-five
cents on the dollar. Had Mr.. Scott ad-
yertised he would doubtless have built
up . large and profitable business; but
he took wrong view OF 1t and will
probably go to State prison for fifteen or
twenty years.
PooR OLD PALsY!--We never refer to
our contemporary down the street II we
can avoid 1t. In the first place he hasn't
got enough brains or Office to deserve
the title. and in the next he is . poor,
palsied old man who Is gradually dying
Of envy and starvation. and we shall
have to foot his burial expenses when
he does 60. The other week we mem
toned our private graveyard and its dve
occupants. This 30 excited the jealousy
| OF the old relic Of the seventeenth GEN.
tury that he borrowed revolver and took
trip around town yesterday in search Of
blood. He finally found one Of Colonel
McCracken's Digger Indians asleep in
the sun aud opened fire ON him from .
distance Of four feet. He didn't even
wake the redskin up, and Judge Tall
man, who objected to 80 much noise
around hts house, went out and drove
poor old palsy away with . broom.
! We are sorry for him. They say he
cried while going hack to his one-horse
alleged newspaper, and no wonder. He
should never have come West. He
came, IS we ascertained, to evade ar
rest for bigamy. but he should have
taken some other route. When nature
| fits man to raise hollyhocks in New
Jersey, he has NO business coming west
to try to raise that other product.
Nor Hrs FAULr.-A number of OUT
towns-people have expressed the hope
that we would pitch into DR.. Staghorn,
the popular druggist, for killing old
man Slew by putting up arsenic for Out
nine in prescription. We shall dc
nothing of the sor:- The doctor has not
only increased his advertising one-hal.
this week, but has subscribed for i've
While this of course does not influence
US in the least, we know from persona
observation that the doctor is very
busy man. and that the room in his
store is limited. He has no choice bu,
TO keep many different sorts of powder,
in the same drawer and it Is only to bs
expected that . mistake should happer
now and then.
Furthermore, who was old Slew, any
how? A lazy. dissipated vagabond
whom the boys would have hung In tn,
course OF few weeks at best In foot
ing his funeral expenses the docto
has shown himself very liberal and fair
minded, and he has shown himself ii
various ways that he belongs to tha
class wan led in this town to build it up
No EXTRA CHARGE.--In this issue VI
publish the full particulars of two exc
cutions, one Jail delivery, three shooting
affrays, one highway robbery. two fis
fights, three dog fights, one found dead
drowning accident, the arrest Of a roa,
, agent, the deaths Of two Mexicans II
the late blizzard and the stealing Q
, Judge Sprouts four-mule team.
The thing down the street which call
itself newspaper, and talks about It
, lightning press and its wild-eyed corp
Of editors from New York. has, to mate
all this, cooked-up account OF q fgh
between jackass rabbit and govern
ment camel. with its editor for the sol
spectator and reporter. Is it any won
! der that the people Of Arizona can
, wait for the Kicker to be issued eac
week. and that dozens Of them roost o
our door-steps all night Wednesda
night to get copies the first thing Thur.
] day morning? All this and no extr
charge, and no hand-bills out announ,
| ing that anything unusual was going o,
/ Detroit Free Press.
Romance OF . MOlar.
II any one Is casting about for . pie
for story, this is freely rendered:
!. destitute young Englishman in Sa
Francisco. A beautiful and rich youn
: girl OF the same place. One Of her II
cisors is faulty. She will have none {
1t. The dentist bids her bide his tim,
! 1t arrives in the person of the youn
Z Englishman.. He agrees to part with
{ front tooth for $50. On one side Of
Z screen Is the hero; on the other th
. heroine. The tooth is pulled and swift
transplanted. Then the heroine depart
without having seen the hero, who, wit
2 tho $50 in his pockets, sets boldly OF
n g. L. alyn -