The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-08-03
FLIES! FLIESl FLInSl
An Humorous Treatise on the Differ
ent Varieties That Poster Mankind

An Humorous Treatise on the Differ
ent Varieties That Poster Mankind.
From the NeW York Tribune.
AS unfinished business we may take up
the consideration of the common fly. Flies
are, as the reader undoubtedly knowns,
divided by nature into what we may call
two grand divisions-the house fly Musca
domeStica) and the horse fly (Bucephalus
probus) the former may again be divided
into the domestic fly and the public fly !;
and the public fly consists of two varieties,
the restaurant fly and the beer garden fly.
Thus we have three distinct varieties of
the fly which prey on man-the house or
fiat fly proper, the restaurant fly and the
beer nall fly. There is even
a fourth variety-the Office fly
kind of house fly, from which 1t varies bat
little, and it is few in numbers and usually
quickly ends an inglorious career by be-
coming intoxicated on the ink bottle and
drowning itself in the mucilage pot. Mr..
Edward Atkinson of Boston. in recent
article in the Cape Cod Quarterly Reuie,C,
puts the number of domestic flies i'll the
United States at %, 476 to the square mile,
and he says that in cities the number rises
to one hundred thousand times this figure
to the square mile, which shows how i'm
portant it is that we have a right under
standing of creature so numerous and so
bound up with our daily lives.
The Distinguishing characteristic of the
house fly is confidence ana easy familiarity
that of the restaurant fly ill temper and
vindicuiveness; that of the beer room fly
Incidence and subtleness. The distinguish
ing features of the house fly-asSurance and
famillarity-we saould say were developed
| by good living and being constantly in the
society of the family. The restaurant fly
seems to owe his fiery temper aud revenge
| full spirit to abuse on the part of both Gus
| toners and walters, and to too frequent
| indulgence in the peppersauc9 bottle The
| laziness of the brewery of been gar
| den fly may be clearly traced to beer. but
his subtlety and philosophic temperament
| come from his treatment by those around
| him. The beer garden fly is never struck
at by the hand or whisked with napkin as
is the restaurant fly, nor is he ever told to
"shoo." or lured into the pitfall fy-paper
like the house fly. He is treated as an
| equal by walters and patrons alike
And above all, he is employed in
that game requiring so much less
exertion than football, in which two
or more men seat themselves at table
eacl with a drop of beer on the board be.
fore them, the man winning whose dror
first causes a flv to stop and SIP. Despite
his apathy aud apparent indifference we
suspect tlltJ lu6 DSGl NY Is a good
deal of a cynlc, and that he has the poorest
opinion of man of any of the lot, but he is
| too philOsOphic to fight him like the restau-
| rant fly or take the trouble to poster him
into an early grave ike the house fly.
OF the three kinds of flies under con-
sideration, though the restaurant fly is the
best athlete, the house " Is less often killed.
1t is impossible for the most active man to
strike a house fly the restaurant iy is as
| nnipl, n nOipEar n hiS 80, -
house fly, but he frequently grows desperate
and, like Arnold " inkeried, rushes into
certain death. The beer-table fly is a be-
lever in non-resistauce; if struck, he makes
no effort to escape. but seems gladly
TO die. We do not attribute this SO
much to lack of spirit as TO feeling that
life is not worth fighting for. But though
the house fly cannot be struck down,
he may be trapped, something which it is
difficult to do with the restaurant fly, as be
| never stops his active, offensive warfare
| long enough to see trap; a d the few at
| tempts which have been made to trap the
beer garden fly have resulted in miserable
failures, he instantly seeing through the
scheme and walking scornfully past. The
fayorite diversion of the house fly is that
OF crawling over the unprotected scalp of a
| bald headed man o. holding athletic sports
on the face of a person who is trying TO take
an extra morning nap. The restaurant fly
is never SO happy as when flying violently
into the eye of customer after
having been unsuccessfully whisked by g
waiter. The beer room fly finds his greatest
joy in alightinG on the coat sleeves Of a
customer and relapsing into deep thought
The most, and, Indeed. the only, trouble
some thing he ever does is - drown himself
in IA patrons beer. These three flies were
origina ly the same; that their environments
should produce such II change in them men,
tally should make them II favcrite study fol-
Darwinites With clear and cpmprehon
siye understanding OF the fy situation, the
reader may now turn, strengthened and re-
ftosled, 70 the tariff Ill. ami tho war in
South America.