The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1890-10-09
PUNcENT PARA1nArnS.

-Gilcs-"What does Brown do with
all tho money he makes In that
scheme?" Merritt--"Loses IL In an
other scheme. Harper's Hazar.
Tho Qualification. FIRST Tradesmsn
lis he gentleman?" Second Trades
MAXWELL, suppose so. He doesn't
pay his debts until yon make him do
o."-Mnnsey's Weekly.
Contributor 80 II have IN article
here concerning the benefits OF advertis-
ing. which -" Editor Eagerly
"Yes, sir. we'll examine It with pleas
ure. Yankee Blade.
I'VE have decided that baby looks
like Uncle Joseph" said the happy
mamma. "Why, Joseph Harris Is -
ugly ~ mud fence" ''Yes, but he Is
worth 81. .OOQ. O0O N. Y. Sun.
Particular Citizen-"These new red
stamps are not ~ adhesive IS they
ought 70 be-" Postal Ofiicial-'I guess
you never tried carrying . sheetof them
in your pocket on hot day."-N. T..
Weekly.
-She-.a;eorge. dear. what do you
think our happiness is chiefly depend
ent upono' lie las his arm steals about
her willowy waist)-"Upon our sur.
roundings. sweet" - Burlington Free
Press.
- suppose, Somberlin. that you
often entertain your friends by reading
your jokes to them" Friends? Alas,
! have none. They all left me when
took to writing jokes. Yankee Blade.
Mrs. Larkin (reading)-"Mrs. Nc
Gill, Of Salt Lake City. found IS gold
piece In the crop Of chicken she was
dressing for dinner" Larkin-"Now
look out for IN English syndicate to buy
up all the chickens in the country
N. Y. Sun.
We notice that the number OF
female cashiers in large establishments
Is greatly on the increase. We suppose
the explanation Of this Is that they are
either more honest than men. or else
they can't run 50 fast.-Ram's Horn.
New Assistant-"Wot fer ye always
give that there woman full weight?''
Iceman-"'Cause she amt respectable. "
Assistant-.Ehv' Iceman-"She's one
o. tn low down kind that 'ud grab up =
light weight lump an run right out
inter tn public street, an make Us
weigh it over agin. Good News.
-Loiterer lat railway station) )-"Why
does that boy set up yoll every time q
locomotive whistle blows?" Small boy
Hes tryin' ter see il he's got voice
enough to drown tn noise of tn en-
gine." Loiterer-"What for?" Small
Roy-"IIe wants ter find out IL he's
adapted fer selling papera"-N. Y.
Weekly.
-He-'.How have you been enjoying
yourself. Miss Esmerelda?" She-.l
have never enjoyed myself 50 much as =
this very moment it's SO delightful t.
be alone, absolutely alone, in perfec'
solitude by the seaside" n. B.-Ht
mentioned this little conversation to hi.
/ friends, and now they call him Perfect
Solitude. Siftings
-"But Tom. dear. where is the big
trout you said you caught?" 'Oh! thai
one! Why-yes, of course we'll, ! tool
that trout, and it looked SO good
cooked it and ate it on the spot. And
speaking Of eating, Maude. wish you't
hurry up that dinner | haven't had ,
mouthful all day." And then Maudc To-
the frst time doubted her husband'l
veracity.--lIarpcr's Bazar.
Tho following advertisement II
taken from the Liverpool Daily Post:
WILL THE LADY WEARING SPECTA
" Giles, Who on Thursday evening. the 7tl
inst. drove dark pony and four wheeled
phaeton with groom behind: along Halexoo.
| Road. and ndINJURED VALUABLE SADDLE
HORSE by not taking her side Of tho road
kindly GET BETTER PAIR OF GLASSE!
and TAKE DRIVING LESSONS before sh
| ventures out again.