The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1890-03-16
P. GREENS TRAVELS.
He Views the Wonders of the
Great Pacific Slope.
lSKINDLY PERMITTED TO RETURN
Not TO Fame Unknown-Some
Of the Industries.

Gentle reader, do you remember the first
pair of boots or suspenders you ever had!
If not, you don't half know the pleasure
p. Green experiences the first time he goes
away from home. And lived over again
in fancy all those youthful pleasures when
decided first to go. To go, for the first
time away from my loved-and now more
dearly loved-Deseret. Of the pleasant
anticipations of the journey need not
speak. Suffice to say, if you have never
experienced such, you can have no sympa-
thy with my feelings. You must yourself
experience it to know its pleasure. Of
course, was late in getting started. Hast
lily grabbing my grip sack, lunch basket,
field glasses, camera, tripod, story book,
rubbers, nubia, umbrella, overcoat, gossa-
mer, guide book, travelling hat, plug hat,
flask of cough medicine, daily papers, walk
ing stick, bundle with other shirts, court
plaster, and few minor articles that have
escaped my memory, l left my bed and
board. As the poet touchingly observes in
Exodus q may be wrong in the refer
ence, but the poetry is all right:
ION every road, at every train,
Since railroads first began,
Atevery station you will see
A solitary man.
his brow is wet with beaded sweat,
His eye with woe is cleft,
Most earnestly he wants to go,
The man that always Left
didn't get left, but 1 just tumbled over
the tail board of the car of the erstwhile
Utah Central, now the Union Pacific, and
we were off for
THE BRIGHT SUNNY VILLAGE OF OGDEN,
arriving without further mishap than that
the left lung of our engine got the jabber-
wock athwart the whangdoodle and re-
fused TO breathe on that side any more
. Arriving at Ogden, the man who starts the
train kindly stopped long enough to allow
me to get all of my things out of the car
before he went on, for which l rewarded
him with one of those celebrated pride of
the sewer cigars. He said time was no OBJ.
iect and he would try and get it smoked up
between there and Reno. l heard after
wards that he fell off the train, still clasp
ing it tightly between his teeth.
After reading all the signs in the beauti-
full red Jail at Ogden, selected the throne
room of his lord highship that sells tickets
over the c. P, now S. P, n. c., P. d. In
dependent railroad. After basking for a
short time in the sunshine of his voice in
order to become better accustomed to the
light from the tin diamond on his shirt
front, l approached, and having arranged
my trousers to avoid baggipg at.the knees.
] made my salaam and said in my usual
sllvery, photographic voice: Most noble.
rave and grenerend seignor (you notice
how fluently / speak these heather
tongues. Ny name is Norvall NOR
I h, Z,
You will please observe the strawberry
mark on my left ear, under my lovely
Fauntleroy hair, just where it Joins with
my rich ebony whiskers. VIII you kindly
lend me your ear for a few years. He
lent me one of his large, fine ears, and
while sent district messenger out to get
a quart OF beer in 1t, / went on: s'Dear
sir, you own the EARTH you own the moon
also, suppose; you were born to blush un-
seen, and-keep the money. You are not SO
beautious as the rose, nor does your record
smell so sweet. and yet methinks you are
all rightm AT this point he touched the
hidden spring with his beautiful Wagner
ian foot, and while the band played, awe
shall meet butwe shall miss him, - crawled
out from under the gatling- gun Indian
clubs with only the loss of few of my
choicest teeth and a small section of one OF
my elegant etruscan ears. Seeing that he
COULD NOT KILL A DRUGGIST
by any ordinary means, he deigned tc
speak:
'Whaddier givvenus, an whaddie,
wantln
took few splinters out of my whislser.
and liver pad and went on. said: "Cir
cumstances over which | have no control
have compelled me to purchase ticke
over your railroad, as / understand the
walking is not so good as it wasr He ther
examined my tongue, sounded my lungs
wrote down the color of my ewes. asked
what / had eaten for dinner, how often
had my shirts washed, married or single
believe in the Old or New Testament, be
long to any secret society, go to bed earl,
or late, carved large lock of my Faunt
leroy wig of, threw il in big bag marked
''plastering hair,n dipped his pen in ink
took large insect that came out of tn,
bottle of the point, pushed back his heav,
golden crown, threw the light of his dia
mond in my eyes, drew his knees up an,
put his feet in the cushion of his hes
throne, put them down again and took of
his goloshes, got up and raised the cushion
off the throne, found a large, dark broWe,
bottle, took drink and put the bottle bacl,
drew his ermine around HIM, found tn
pocket and got out his red bandan
i,onchofr, wiped the int.and symptoms o
soft boiled egg out of his whiskers and nj
Il6l
to the tooth works for repairs, took a gee
graphy off the table, put it across hi
knees,
AND WROTE ME TICKET.
He then tied stout string to it and let
down to me, keeping the other end of tn
string tied securely to the leg of the throne
/ then sent the money upon the elevate
and he let the ticket loose. He kindly per
mitted me to keep the string, as he ha
''plenty of string" he said.
Four policemen then escorted me TO tn
stray-pound to wait for the next train.
got all my things moved into a car the com
pany were not using just then, and waite
for the train to bunt up against US and Ter
the liver over into the lungs of me. Ate
/ had turned into the gray, 1.-THE se-e an
yellow leaf" as it were, the shock came.
borrowed rake from farmer hard by an,
ral1ed up the bottles of hair oil and thing
which Spilled out of my bright red seven
gallon yalise, and my lunch basket "A
last we were settled, the conductor shoute,