The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-07-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

Gle.
The bartender spends much of his
time in drawing to full Washington
Capital.
When a man lets his face fall it
rarely breaks into a smile Baltimore
An1erican.
If you crack Kentucky chestnut
You are sure to find Colonel Bdtti-
tinlore Aplericds.
How we admire the man who hap
pens to catch us when we are doing
good deed on the slyl-Atetison Globe.
The man who thinks quick and
speaks slow will be very apt to get
along in the world.-Nel0 Orleans Ped
yu,1e.
Don't treat a man with contempt be-
cause he is poor. Simply have moth
ing TO do with him.-Paiiadetphia IN
QIiyer.
Strange as il may seem, man fails
to support his wife when he is most
disposed to sup BingtGnltc1s
Leader.
In this age Of sharp rivalry the man
who permits his wits TO 20 wool gath
ering is very liable to get worsted.-
Bingtdnlton Herald.
The rooster is one of the most tidy
of all members of the animal Kingdom.
He always carries 4 comb with him.
Merchant Iraccier.
Eulogies pronounced in celebration
of the virtues of the departed may be
characterized as foam ON tine funeral
bier.-Boston Transcript
Another attempt has been discovered
TO kill the King OF Corea. but the
would-be-assassin was frustrated in his
mad Corea.-BOStoH Hsraid.
Familiarity breeds contempt" Don't
acquire the habit of permitting your
anger 10 get you. too often, besides
yourseIf.-PhitGdeiphta Press.
Riches sometimes fail to bring pop
ularity. It's not always the man with
the fatest roll that sets 'em up the
oftenest- --PsiiddeLphia Inquirer.
Where do you suppose the Sultan
gets all the ladies Tor his harem?n
Dunno. Maybe lie patronizes tile
Merchant of Venus. ~. i. sun.
You say your friend died of con-
sumption, quick consumption, | pre-
sume." ..Mell, hardly. He lived in
Philadelphia. Minneapolis Tribune
Ma. the minister is coming.~
What makes you think so? Did YOU
see him?" No; but l saw pa take the
parrot and lock il up in the stable. =
". \. Sun.
Zola announces that in a few years
he will devote himself exclusively 10
the stage. In the meantime the stage
should get out AN iujunction.-Ba Balti-
more AmericaH.
However much the American girl
may satirize the foreign Lord, : il is
obserS ed that, Whatever her profession,
she clings with hooks OF steel 20 the Ii
tie OF Lady. .n-PHct.
What would be an appro-
pirate present for me to give to my
typewriter girl?a Braggs = IF she )
anything like mine wound recommend
u spelling book. - Ierre Hante E5-
press.
II is a little rough on the criminal.
They yet the weakest minded. most IT,
noraut men possible for the jury. and
then speak OF trying the poor uufor-
tunate by jury OF his peers. Boston
Transcript.
Mrs. Simpson-'.So your servant has
run off. How foolish in her 10 leave
good home like this. Don't you think
she'll regret it?' Mrs. simpson
Yes; my husband went with her. -
N. J.. San.
Marjorie Aren't you afraid that
your fragrant eoquetry may drive some
of your admirers TO desperationfn
Ethel-.,lt is 4 matter OF Indifference
to me so long as They dOh't die in the
house. e.''-Lge.
Wife Ito husband at the end of
''spat' The fools amt all dead vet"
Husband-.tThey amt, eh?n Wife
mo. or would have the amount Of
your insurance policy before this. y
Boston Courier.
She-..You are such a solitary man.
Mr.. Silby. | should think you would
get lonesome. He-..O. no. | enjoy
being by myself" See Choughtfully)
Il don't see how you can. - BaritHg-
ton Free Press.
The consistent minister will not
preach steadily for two hours upon the
iniquity of lying and then blandiy ask
one of the leading members of the eou-
gregation how he liked the sermon
SomerpiiLe journal.
Harry-''And dearest. do you think
of me all the day longs" Dearest-',I
did. Harry; but the DAYS are getting
longer now, and of course-well. YOU
know that that must make some differ
ence. .n-Boston Transcript.
Mr.. okahead-"Does my daugh-
ter give YOU any encouragement sir?"
Mr.. Donothing why. yes, she says
your business is increasing so that you
. 81 10
both like. e."-lHunSey'S Weekly.
Il am well aware said the tramp
to the facetious gentleman he had ac
costed, that one swallow does not
make summer; but | would like to
have enough to mitigate the rigors of
the present climate little. Pack.
Mr.. Lushforth = You never help
me on with my coat like you used to in
the days of our honeymoon. Mrs.
Lushforth-.'No? And / never had to
help You off with your boots in those
days, either."-Terre Haute Express.
81 swear by those tall elms in yon-
dep park" be commenced, but she
interrupted him. Swear not by them,n
she said imploringly. why notP"
Because those trees are slippery
elms, =" she said simply Boston Beacon.
Observation-Disclosures, you are an awful
long time in giving me the change
out of that $40 bill l gave you last
Thursday" His Wife-''You should
recollect. Jack. that l used to clerk in
downtown store. Detroit Free Press.
Wife (to hubby. who has been out
the night before e)-''Why, my dear,
what makes you look so sour this
morningPn IIubby-"I drank three
glasses of milk last night and got
caught in thunderstorm coming
home ~. i. Herald.
After all,n said De Broot's little
wife as she sat down Ito rest after Tin
ishing every bit of an arduous round of
houSework, there's no place like
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