Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-01-20

The man who reaches the top of the
ladder must get there in Il round about
way.
CustOmer-How much is this ring?
New Jewelry Clerk-It's marked I8c.
Eighteen cents, please.
A Philadelphia shoemaker says that
most girls buy shoes to fit their heads
instead of their feet.
This coffee is very muddy this morn
ing. Yes, dear, but you must remember
how upset things are in Brazil.
Some men have 10 work harder to
avoid paying an honest debt than they
would to earn the money to pay it with.
Lawyers clerk-Win you have Il chair,
miss. Boston girl-No, thank you:
wouldn't know what to do with it, But
I'll sit down, if may.
It's odd, and sometimes melancholy,
make up his mind when he has no ma
terial on hand to work with
Ethe-Would you mind sitting on my
hat pa? Father-W undcr the sun
do you wish me to lit on your hat for?
want to 500 ii 1 can invent Il new style.
You are Il regular mI>cr! exclaimed
Mrs. Shopper, when her husband refused
to give her so she had asked for No,
econOmizcr
Mrs Is uod9ood-W hat not an open
fireplace nor Il stove in the whole house?
How do, your father warm his slippers,
Willie? Willie Gracefully WARNS 'em on
me. mA'.;m-
Have a cigar, Charley? Don't care
if do Some my wife gave me for Il
Christmas present" '.Er, come to think
OF it Tom, guess | don't feel like smok-
ing to-day
Mr.. Harbosh-So you desire Il position
as groom. What have you been en-
plOyed at recently? Applicant-Hi ave
bin teachin' Hinglish RECOMMENDATION to
some dudes, your ighness.
Should the car ever lose his present
job, he ought to be able, with his great
experience in lodging missiles of dyna-
mite, to secure from the national baseball
league position as umpire.
What kind, thoughtful hubby you
are, said the young wife, throwing her
arms around his neck when he brought
home Il turkey, what Il dear little bird it
is. l should say it was dear, he growled.
l won it at a rattle.
IN remitting for subscription do not
say PLEASE find inclOSed," etc. Leave off
the ''please." 1t is unnecessary to plead
with an editor in that way. If there is
any money in the letter he will find it,
and don't you think he won't.
Professor (making himself agreable)
Aluminium is a wonderful metal, Mr..
Struckoyle. Struckoyle-Yes, it is. My
son james belongs to the aluminium asso-
citation of the college he graduated from,
and I've heard bin speak Oft.
Mrs. Gulible-Do you know, dear
John is just as boyioh in his feelings as
he ever was. Mrs. Kawler-Indeed?
Mrs. Gulible-Yes, why it was only last
night 1 heard him talking in his sleep
about seeing the elephant. The dear
fellow has doubtless been to the circus.
You must feel some satisfaction in eat
ing the turkey that chased you around
the yard week ago, said the minister.
He was IL very saucy bird when alive,
wasn't he? Yes, replied little Johnny,
and ma said when you got through there
would be nothing left but the cranberry
sauce.
Uncle Sam-Say, I'm blowed if | GO
out again, till | get some new clothes
CoIumbia-Why, what's the matter? The
matter? Every time | appear some one
shouts where did you get that haiti? and
these trousers of mine are away behind
the fashion-not one third wide enough.
Something must be done.
Country Editor-I would like to see
some of your long-taied coats Clothing
Understanding fashionable, 1 sup
pose? Editor-I don't care cent about
that. My wife has put a dark-blue sky
light in my dove-colOred Sunday pants,
and want coat long enough to conceal
the evidences of my being an editor and
having to feed myself to a cane bottomed
chair seven days in week.
Paterfamilias (serenely) was a
young gentleman with you in the parlor
last night? Sweet girl gently -Yes, pa,
Mr.. Slayer. Audit was after eleven be-
fore he went home, Miss. I'd like to
know whit kept him late. Well, pa
you looked SO angrily at me when you
came in and saw him that | guess he
thought | needed protector, and so