The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-08-27
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

Never mind-Bad children.
In summer weather the felt hat is felt
hot.
Moses came early; but he didn't avoid
the rushes.
ooh, you darling old papa" "Y-e-o-s
dress or tl"--AShland Press
An empty larder ought to be enough
to keep the wolf from the door, Texas
Sytings.
The sailor never goes "around the
Horn" when he is ashore. He goes
straight for it.-Puct.
Ice is expensive everywhere this season.
Even the icebergs in the Atlantic are re-
ported unusually high.-Boston Herald.
Lady (searching for burglars)-- Here,
Bridget, you let down the folding bed
and then I'll look under it, Ciautau-
guam. 20
"Now, then," inquiries n Canadian
paper, "what is a crank2" Why, the
other fellow, of coursc.-,St. Paul Pioneer
Press.
"He is too lazy to go sleep" "Ohl
the idea" ''Fact, nevertheless. He
just simply falls asleep. .'-7e're Hauto
Express.
The schoolma'am seeks vacations joys.
Her labor being done,
And she who tanned the little boys
Is now tanned by the sun
Boston Courier.
Every man should have an aim in life,
but he shouldn't spend too much time
aiming. The quick shot gets the clay
pigeon when the trap is sprung .-Sonier-
Uille Journal.
Exchanging Confdences.-Clara-'T
have such a horror of growing old"
Maud (sweetlO-"I should think you
would have got over it by this time" -
brakes Magazine.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow" she
quoted. The young man blushed
nervously. "You're right" he replied,
"Tll go to the barbers next time !'--
american Grocer.
Mr.. Carpenter-"That was a nice slip
OF the tongue you made introducing me
to those young ladies as Mr., Carter" Mr..
Tom Bigbee-"Well, should call it a :
slip of the pen. Puck"
Judge-"What sort of a man, now,
was it whom you saw commit the as.
sault1" "Shure, yer honor,
he was a small, insignificant craythur--
about yer own size. Chatter.
Madame Hautry-"You the singing
masterl But we do not want a singing
masterl" Herr Pumpernickel-"B "Bardon;
de laty next door toldt me you wanted
one badly-she sent me !"-Judge.
you've been riding bicycle, hear"
said one department clerk to another.
"Just for exercise, you know" at has
reduced your weight some, | think"
eyes, have fallen off a great deal. -
Washington Post
A-"A more deserving medical man
than our friend Richard does not exist.
He very frequently accepts no fees from
his patients" B-"You don't say sol"
A-"For he GENERALLY settles with the
heirs. "-FIiegeade Blaetter.
care you aware, sir, said the man in
the rear fercely, "that lour umbrella is
poking me in the eyeln at isn't my
umbrella, " replied the man just in front
with equal tierceness. Its a borrowed
one, Chicago Tribune.
Young Husbaud-'Whatl You are
twenty-five years old to-dayl Why, you
told me year ago, just before the we'd
ding, that you were only twenty" Young
Wife (wearily)-"Ah, yes, l have aged
rapidly since married. "-La Galois.
A.-"Did you hear that the thief and
desperate, Buckshot Jack, had been
killedp B.--"No. Died with hls boots
on, l suppose" A.-"No, indeed He
died with another mans boots on.
Robbed a shoe store, ,"-Te1as Strings.
In describing the murder of man
Jorkins, a reporter, thus commented on
the event; "The murderer was evidently
in quest of money, but luckily Mr.. Jor-
kins deposited all his funds in the bank
the day before, so that he lost nothing
but his life. ~ Birmingham Post.
Wife (delighted) - "What! home
through the summer showerl But where
did you get that lovely piece of icel"
Husband (exultantly)-"lt's a hailstone
which just fell in our front yard and we
can pay off our mortgage with it."-
Chicago Tunes.
Bark-on-a-Tree is Comanche chief
who has been commissioned by his tribe
TO seek out and find the Messiah, who is
to turn the world upside down with the
red man on top of the white man. When
Mr.. Bark -on-a-Tree returns from his
quest, his tribe will probably vote to
change his name to BaTk-Up-a-Tree.--
D6ie400 Tifnes