Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-10-23
WIT AND HUMOR.
Getting up a woman's club-Raisin

oohuOSiSSluS iIdN NC CidSStu duoHSS
the too base hits.-Terds Stttings.
The best illustration of mingled
hope and fear is lazy man looking
for work.-AShgGnd Press.
1t is only when a man begins to die
tate his letters that he finds out how
poorly he can talk.-PUc5.
Every beginning is difficult. except
laziness, which is the beginning of all
crimes.--Fiegende BtGtter.
What did she do when you sent her
those flowers, with YOUR love?" Re
turned my love. N 7. Herald.
The course of true love never runs
smooth, and it would not be half the
fun if it would.-E5HIjrG Free Press.
Sometimes man is Woodworking
man and then again sometimes he is
only hard workingman.-Ierre Haute
EGpreSS.
1t is better for young man to have
his trousers bag at the knees than
to have his brains bag at the ears
Boston Traveller.
Charles Lambs humor never shows
a taste of bitterness; but. then, Charles
had a regular job as bookkeeper to fall
/, back upon.-Pucb.
At the concert-'I want to ask you
a question" Don't talk now; wait
until the concert begins. "-Nel0 Or
leans Times Democrat.
We'll, I called on Miss Bobbett last
night and broke the ice." How I'M
fortunate when ice is so hard to re-
place. ~. Y Herald.
1t is not always proper to address
the young man behind the soda foun-
tain as DOCTOR even though he is tiz-
zician.-I0led0 Blade.
Il saw Chappie last night. He had
head on" You don't say. Was it
the same one he usually has or real
head?'-N 7. Commercial.
The Enumeration Cunning back)-
''One question, more, Mr. Blank"
We'll, out with it," Are YOU single
or baldhead -SomerUH5e Journm.
Happiness never comes when it is
sought 1t simply loafs lazily in the
shade, and lets people tire themselves
out hunting for it.-S0noerCjite jour
nal.
When Richard III. offered to give
MS kingdom for horse he might have
meant horse that would win when he
bet on him in the races. -PhiiadcjDhia
Times.
MinisterOo horse jockey)-"What is
your business, may | ask?" Horse
Jockey-''I am in the service of the
American Track Society" - Boston
Her0Jd.
Mrs. Bunting-'I see that Emin
Pasha is to have a salary Of $50, 900 a
year" Bunting You don't say!
What club has he sighed with ?"-Ihe
B0StOHja31.
"Purfessor, what's the difference,
anyhow. between fiddle an violin?'
Zee same deeferens Eat egzeest be-
tween re veeddler an re violinist."-
Hofper's Bagar.
First Saleslady-"Have you seen
Mollie's new fellow. What does he
look like?" Second SalesIady-"O,
he's just a bargain counter affair, that's
all. "-Ierre Haute Erpress.
If people generally would only try
half as hard to secure health as they
do to obtain wealth this would be one
Of the heaIthiest countries on the face
Of the earth. Scranton Truth.
What do you do with your fannels
after they have begun to shrink" L
let 'em shrink a little more and then
put 'em by to use for pulse-warmers
in winter" ~ htJadeLphj0 Times.
Nephew with newspaper) They're
having a hard time trying to settle the
Hungarian Diet question" Aunt
why don't they give them just plain
pork and ?'-Boston Herald.
Mr.. Staid-"And is Miss GiggIecag-
gle well educated?" Mrs. McFad-
Educated? I should say so. Why, the
ribbons on her graduating dress alone
cost over $50." -Bosto3a Transcript.
Mr.. Jones, hiring victoria for a
drive in the park-''There, wife, we'll
put the coachman inside, and YOU get
up on the box with me. Well be as
fine as any of the folks. F5iege12de
BLGtter.
Probably the ice man has never no.
ticed the dainty little tongs that are
furnished with boxes Of confectionery.
They are neat, inexpensive, and would
be quite useful in his business Wash
lpgt0n Post.
Briggs-'Is your office boy still pur-
suing his duties with the same feverish
aVidity he exhibited at the start?"
Braggs-''Not exactly. He is exhibit
ing what might be called a SPRING
feverish avidity now."-Terre Haute
Express.
Father Clara, what game was
that you were playing when | looked
in the parlor last night?" Clara
Hide and seek" Father What
was the kissing for?" Clara-''O,
that was the duty on the hides. Dos
ton Herald.
Citizen-''If you know of the ap-
proach of great storms why don't you
stop them before they reach a place."
Gen. Greedy Stop them! Why, that
is impossible" Citizen-''O, no. All
you have to do is to predict them. -
". I. Sun.
You shouldn't find fault with my
temper" said she. ''When we were
married, you know, you took me for
better or for worse" i know it, was
the reply 'but [ had hope of strik-
ing something like general average"
Washington Post.
Great Editor-s'I see it stated that
the new electrical chair will not kill.
Detail reporter to try it. If he es-
capes it will make the biggest kind of
a sensation" City Editor-''B But what
shall l do if it does kill? Great Editor
Get new reporter. ~. Y. Weekly.