Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1890-10-17
EASY ENOUGH TO PLAY lUNAT,c.


neck once, when some Colorado COWBOYS
dld me the honor to take me for horse
thief. OF course that was unpleasant No
man who has any regard for his reputation
cares to be lynched, however innocent he
may be AS said, have been taken for
horse thief have been held up by high
waymen have been forced by public
opinion to take part in a lynching | have
been accused of 'squatting when the claim
was clearly my own, and gracefully yield
ed to a cOgent argument-a six shooter [
have had many little experiences more ex-
citing than enjoyable, but think that the
one which caused me more genuine woe
than any other was IA trip which recently
made
II lent trunk to friend of mine afew
weeks ago. am not going to tell youths
name, nor am going to give you the eal
name of the play which his company vas
| giving But it was great deal like N
Honest Thief, fully as discreditable, ar
way When my trunk was returned to ~
it was literally plastered over with slips
! paper. on which were printed the words
An Honest Thief You could not stick
pin against that trunk without running it
through one of those slips
when was on my trip, having taken
along this trunk, | noticed that drew
great deal of attention. got used to the
ADVERTISEMENTS on my UTunh, Dut
people did not.
AT a hotel in Chicago man came up I'd
me, and after striking up conversation
turned it upon the subject of trunks Soon
he asked me what my object was in label
ing myself an honest thief thought i'd
would he a fine joke to make him belevd
that ! was serious and fenced with him
THE next morning noticed that every
one in the hotel looked at me askance
Even the walters treated me as a sort of d
mild lunatic. This was great fun, but il
became very embarrassing when | endeav
ored to be serious upon serious subject
Every one answered me in a soothing wa
began to get very tired of my joke
went to the chief hotel clerk
See here | said it's about time tt
honest thief business was put an end
isn't it,
Certainly, sir, be answered in a res
surfing tone.
"Of course it's all joke went on.
Certainly, sir, said the clerk, 'evei
one knows that you aren't thief
~ should hope So l cried, gettir
angry;
There there, sir, he said gently, r
have that matter attended to-
What matters' | said furiously L
you think that am lunatic to be treate
this way?
Most assuredly not, he answered
tones which said emphatically that mos
assuredly he did
"'Well, you may make out my bill
All right, sir he responded graf
fully
Il went up to my room. A chambe
maid was there gazing at the label
When she saw me she gave me a frightene
look and started for the door.
"Come back | said sternly
"She stood still with bated breath
What are you running away forp'
asked
"'Towels, SIR she gasped
"'You are not. You think am crazy
"'Oh, no, sir, she answered, edging d
ward the door.
! "'Come back, cried but she had fed
Il rang the bell violently and long.
"A porter came up carrying coal ht
in one hand and murderous loolliI
poker in the other. He stuck his shay
head in the door and glanced about hi
suspicious!y
"'Why did you bring that COAL aske
Didn't you want it, lie said placil
the seattle on the floor, but grasping
poker more firmly
~ did not.
What did You ring for, sir" he sa
watching me closely and hanging to
poker
IL want those labels taken off d
truu&
He looked at the trunk, then at me a
then at the poker in his big fist
~ can't take EN- off alone, he said
"'Why, certainly you cam | answer
ind Inantly. See here and advanc
to show him how it could he done
Don't ye come near me- he shout{
] han ipn ipt nd b,.o,, 4 |, i,,fr
poker If We do I'll brain We, We murder
lunatic" His eyes We're wild and he W
the picture of desperation.
Take off those labels | excainI
authoritatively.
Sure an We doan' git me down on
knees before ye.' he said stubbornly
keep me eye on We If We touch me
brain We. he cried wildly, as | star
toward him in indignation TO throw ID
out of the room. He rushed for the d
| and tore down the corridor with W
| yell
Il got down on my knees and scraI
off the labels. Then | packed my trlI
and started down to the office to pay
bill The elevator boy pretended not
see me and went past my floor. Whe
called him and punched the bell he "a
back with ashen lips
w hat do you mean, | asked,
going past me in that nsoent way;'
He looked at me in terror and dod
out of the elevator car, leaving me i
alone
Il walked down to the office, and, d
ing my bill, ordered the clerk to send
my baggage. When it came down
porters piled it up and stood aloof fr
il if it were dynamite. One of Il
spoke to the hackman in an undert
and the fellow grasped his whip by
wrong end When | had entered the
he stood beyond my reach and looked
me tercey
IN dhrve We to the daypot, he
but doan't ye make no trouble or I'll d
We ARRESTED, shure me name is No
McGhnnesy'
Il never was so glad to get out
town in my life, and when the next thu
real man wants to borrow a trunk
need not come to your humble servant
Il =