Morning journal and courier., 1890-02-24
ILLUSTRATED.

As illustrated in the case of William E.. Gladstone, work does not kill. Work is no more dangerous than a French duel.-St. Paul Pioneer Press.
 Cumso-I sec that Denver detective has mysteriously disappeared. Fangle-He's probably found the criminal he was looking for aud the shook killed him.-Epooh.
 MeFingle-Do Irishmen ever have the jim- jams whom 1t homes
 Pat-Cert'nly, sor.
 ''What do they see as substitute fol snakesa'-Lawrence American.
 Hibernian Nurse-Arrah, wake up, wake upl
 Hospital Patient (drowsily) ly)-What is 1t?
 Hibernian Nurse - It's time for your slapipg medicine, cir, so 1t is.-Boston Bud get.
 Mame-'Why, only last week you said that nothing your father and mother could say would ever make you marry Rob Bobbett and nov you've engaged yourself to him thing Rob said himself. He hadn't asked me last week. ."-Puck.
 "My man," said the lady of the house ssyou told me you never drank intoxicating liquor, but saw you just now drinking from a bottle" "Marm," replied the creature, "thats only an pint fask. A pint O whisky ain't intoxicating to thoroughbreds like me. , Boston Transcript.
 If you have frequent headaches, dizziness and fainting spells, accompanied by chills, cramps, bunions, corns, chilblains, epilepsy and jaundice, 1t is . sign that you are not well, but arc liable te die any minute. Pay your subscription year in advance, and thus make yourself solid for . good obituary notice-Dansville (N. Y.) Breeze. Countryman (vlsiting Boston dime mu- seum)-"Just see that queer fellow with no pants on to himl What sort of an Injin do you call yourself, mistera" Barney O'Rourks, the Papuan chief Qnsulted) )-"No pants, in- dade, ye ould hayssed! It's only gents aa wear pants, and I'll have ys know oi'm a gintleman. -Munssy's Weekly. Johnny-"o, my prerogatives are chap' ped!" Father-"Why, what do you mean, Johnny-your Npsa" Johnny-"I always thought they wuz lips until last night, when and when I asked him what he was doing he said he was only exercising his prerogativs ! SO of" Sister-"Pa, will you put Johnny | to bedi"-Lawrence American. There is Washington correspondent whs is noted for facility of expression rather than for accuracy. In fact, his paper has or several occasions had some explaining to d. on his account. He is not remarkable fo industry, and one of his employers while fl | Washington took occas1on to say 10 nm "Nr. J., you don't seem to be exerting your self much. must confess don't see wka you have been doing. You haven't sent u two columns of matter in the last thre
 weeks" "I know it." was the reply, bu
 I've been saving the papsr a heap 0
 trouble. s."-Washington Post.
 A famous college president, Q clergyman
 was addressing the students in the chapel g
 the beginning of the college year. Ut is,
 he said in conclusion, Ca matter of con
 graduation to all friends of the college ths
 this year opens with the largest freshma
 class in its history" And then, without an
 pause, he turned to the Scripture lesson fo
 the day, the third Psalm, and began readin
 in voice of thunder: 'Lord, how are the
 increased that trouble me-" This, howeve
 was hardly more unfortunate than the ohoic
 of the hymn, Return, Ye Ransomed Sinner
 Home" as the closing selection of . certai
 American board meeting. -.Syrscuse Christis ! Advocafa