The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1890-09-16
FUN

The man with boil on his neck
never borrows trouble; he has enough
of it.
Strange is slang. It is just when
you ':get Oh" to thing that you
sstumble."
Honor and shame from no condition
rise. Some men were lowly born oD
whom there are no flies.
Jepson-s'Why is it that men marry
widows" Jobson-"They don't. It
is the widows that marry them"
Johnny (watching his big brother
dig angle-worms for bait % say,
Bob, if worm will catch little fish,
wouldn't snake catch q whopper~
s'Dear, said a physicians wife as
they sat in church, "there is Mrs.
Goldburg sitting in draft" s'Never
mind" said her husband. 81 will
cash that draft later on"
ssWhar gwine, Sambo?" "Gwine To-
court to testify" "What for?" s''
,semmas, stole : ssa;s ab baetss bas asr' "Oh,
/ i 81 bissSsS las night
-! an l greed to Glib him good charac'
| ter for ha'f a dollar
| Mistress -etBridget, do you know
f; what all that crowd was on the corner
this morning?" Bridget-"Yis, mem.
1t was the police was a-taking lady
to the joog. She had been fighting"
"Well, what do you think Of the
new neighbors who have moved in
next door, Mrs. Pryer?" ~ haven't
had chance to form an opinion. They
! haven't had a washing day yet"
Since the Bridgeport girl ruined her
jaws with chewing gum the manufact-
urers of the "society quid" have been
forced to put ont the following state
ment: "Our gum does not paralyze. ."
''I notice, Jennie" said one young
lady to another, "that you never lace
tight now" ono" "What's the
reason?" "Well, I've got a beau now,
and when he's squeezing me l want te
enjoy its full effect"
An artist once gave little supper
at his studio, and he put OH his invita-
tions B. S. c. V. The letters puzzled
some people. who found when they
went to the upper that they meant:
"Bring some cold vict2als."
"Where did you get that cake,
Annie?" 'S1other gave it to me-"
"She's always a-giving you more'n
she does me-" "Never mind Harry;
she's going to put mustard rlasters on
US tonight, and I'll ask her to let you
have the biggest"
Fond lover (after a long-delaved
proposaD-.sPerhaps I have been 20
sudden, darling" Darling girl(
gaining her composure with mighty
efort)-"Yes, George, it is very, very
sudden, butt and here she became
faint again-':it is not too sudden"
A seedy individual being told that
his coat sslooked as if it hadn't had s
nap in dozen years." replied: ~ beg
your pardon, but this coat has been
lying in my wardrobe two and twenty
years till to-day, and that's time enough
to have had a good long nap"
"How do you do, Sam?" said a
colored gentleman to one Of his cronics
the other day. "Why you no come ta
see feller? If lib as near you as
you do to me I'd come to see you c5ery
day" "De fack is," replied Sam,
''my wife patch my trouserloons so al
to pieces 1 'shamed to 60 nowhars."
"Young man." said the banker.
ttI've decided that it's about time for
for me to put check to your aspira-
tons toward the hand ofmy daughter"
''Oh, thank you, sir. But wouldn't it
be better to wait till after we are mar
ried, then the check could come as a
wedding present. 1t would save my
feelings great DEAL"
A storekeeper was boasting in the
presence of customer "that he could
secure aquarter of pound Of tea in
smaller piece of paper than any othe1
man in the country" eyes," said
Zedekiah Dryasdust, who chanced o
hear the remark, ''and you'll put =
pint of rum in a smaller bottle thas
any other man that I ever soc, any
anyway"