The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1890-10-11
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some of the Annoying Things That TT
an EdIfnr,a HnuI.

some OF Inc huuOyihB NJ"
An Editors Soul.
AroroGETICAL.-Our subscribers will
not fail to notice tho sad condition of
our third page to-day. We had the form
ready for press when Judge Gilbert, our
popular and esteemed Circuit Judge,
called at the Office in a drunken condl-
ton, and in his attempt to hug us to
prove his affection, he knocked tho
form into ''pi." We hadn'ttime to reset
the matter, and so had to leave the page
blank. While We are sorry, 1t is not our
fault. We can't even pitch into the
Judge about it. He not only owes us $50
I borrowed money, but controls legal ad-
vertising to tho amoun OF $500. This
is our position, and wo trust our readers
, will appreciate 1t.
A BAFFLED CoNTEMPoRARY.-At ton
o'clock last Sunday night we got word
by telephone that some n was open
ing the graves in our private cemetery,
wherein lie tho remains of tho seven
different mon who have tried to get h
drop on us but were n trife too late. We
made for the scene at a rapid gait, and
what was our astonishmont to discover
tina the maraudor was no less a person
| UDan our eSJttIltu COllJtLlp OIdI IL
editor, publisher and proprietor OF the
Cow-Bell Gazette and Ding-Dong Adver-
tiser. The old villain has stolen our
office stove-borrowed our wood pile
hooked our job type-conspired with
our foreman-begged our ink-opened
dozens OF our letters and lied about us
from Sunday morning to Saturday
night. He has attempted to ape and
initiate our enterprises and repeated
failures have made him desperate.
He hasn't the nerve to pull a gum.
over when his nose Is between some
ones fingers. He pooh-poohed our grave
yard in every issue, and sought in every
way to belittlo our courage. Fired with
hate because everybody who comes here
want to see that little burying-ground,
he planned to &c out there and dig up
every body and transplant the lot to a
graveyard of his own. We have heard
OF ~stupendous cheek, but this case takes
the cake. What did we do? Well, we
, didn't want to kill the poor old, long
shanked, b~ow-legged cousin of a cactus,
but we did turn to and maui him until
the boys over at Ranch Fourteen-seven
miles away-heard his yells and thought
that q new species of ~whipporwill had
struck Arizona. We understand no
claims to have been "highwayed" and
robbed, and he's Dragging that he
wounded two strangers. The case is as
we have given it.
STOPPED HIS AD.-Two weeks g we
suggested to the public the propriety Of
putting a hempen neck-tie or Dan
Smith. the proprietor of the Last Chance
Saloon, and swinging hin up to a limb.
1t seemed to us to DO the best way to
work n reform in his everyday de-
meanor. Dan was advertising with US,
and he ordered his ad out. Result:
Dan Smith Is now back at tho Kansas
State Prison to serve his ~unexpired
term.
There's a moral in this. We propose
to take advertising in a business way,
and as a business investment. No mat
! ter who is advertising with us, we shall
refer to him editorially in any way we
deem best. Had Smith sought revenge
by shooting at us we should have hon,
ored him. When he turned in and
stopped a six-iuch ad. which we had
} given hin a low rate on, and which we
needed to fill out the sixth column OF
u the third page, we ueclueu Jhat III was
t time to close the game.
MoRE FOoLIsuSEsS.- We have known
Jim Hastings for over two years, drunk
a and sober, and we never supposed that
he was a bit sensitive about having the
y entire American population know that
he sleeps in the ditch oftener than In
his bed. In our last issue We incident.
! ally referred to him in connection with
!, a barrel OF whisky, %supposing he would
a feel lattered II any thing. To Il great
amazement he walked into this office
yesterday and demanded a personal and
, public apology. He had with him
q written apology, good for six solid col
q umns, which he wanted us to publish OF
: take the consequences. We generally
; prefer the consequences. We did il
r this case, and it was a painful spectacle
p to see poor old Jim, n was once g
gifted lawyer, and is now living on his
( mother-in-law, peel off to do us up. We
3 simply dropped him out 81 u back win
A dow, and when he borrowed q gun a.
: the Star saloon and fired six bullets
into the Kicker Office we paid him no
3 the least attention. He is around town
r boasting of how he Is going to shoot ut
s on sight. Foolish old mani! We car
only pity you!-Detroit Free Press