, 1890-05-11
lecture on Society and Common Sense,

lecture on Society and Common Sense.
"A. B."
Looking over this little wayside %violet's
sweet, flute like tones and fortissimo
capitals. one would naturally congratulate
the American people on the nance 1t
may soon ave to hear n person who is
quite prepossessing, having" veins also
with dark blue imported blood into them.
Mrs. Bowles has a great field before her.
She can lecture for some OF the young
local societies who have been so bitterly
disappointed in Holmes, Beecher and
lnRersoll. Taking her sweet, flute like
voice in a shawl strap, she can go from
point TO point, emitting her lecture on
Society and Common Sense to a lost
and undone world.
l would be glad to subscribe for a box.
poor as | am. If l could cause 4 notes
above Second G with Ease aud Equality,
where only one had grown before, |
would not remain longer in obscurity.
| would. soar above mediocritY and do
much good. She says it is by no means
a Dry or Prosy lecture, but conveys many
grand ideas to the lofty minds. She
might have trouble. however. in getting
enough lofty minds at some points to pay
her bills. Lofty minds do not always
attend a lecture of this kind, but fire.
luently stay at home evenings and read
the county paper. If we could only
make an appeal to the Lofty Mind that
would jerk it from its lair on nights
when lectures all lit up with Fire and
Pathos are to be heard, it would be a
good thing for all.
In fancy | can now see Mrs, BOwles
dressing in the baggage car, as the train
is late. and as she arranges her toilet be
hind the p%eanutter's tin trunk, softly say
ing over her crisp little piece lit up with
fire and pathos. Later on | see her try
ing to find the stage entrance to the rink.
1t is locked. 1t always is locked. After
twenty-seven scene shItters an d narcotic
supes rave gained entrance they carefully
lock the door, and while quenching the
fire with their ~saliyary surplus they read
"Punko Pete, the Dire D~isemboweler of
Dead Mans Gulch.
Hunting through the alley for the door
she steps in a mortar bed with her dress
suit. | then hear her make a few selec
tons, causing four notes above second g
on third floor. When she goes in at last
| hear her heart fall as she sees a few
b%eetling browed men with their hats on,
who have come because they owned a va
cant saloon ia which Autographs had been
inserted In exchange for tickets.
Again L see OfT lDN-lnB On 4 nbl lllloNs
afraid to see the morning and the papers.
Finally she nerves herself and buys them.
A sob arises in the throat of Mrs Bowles
as she discovers that only one Of the pa
peers speaks of her lecture, and that one
says:
Mrs. Bowles, the misguided lecturer
on Society and Common Sense, appeared
in her other dress last evening. before Eli
Panghorn and Seth Bloomingthal for an
hour with a composition which would
scare a horse to death. Mrs Bowles has
a good Autograph, and when you say
that. you have said it.
"P. S.-She can get extra copies of
this issue of the paper for advertising pur-
poses at five cents each. We do not know
whose lithograph she is using
Anon | see her also walking down the
street ENJOYING her bright new Autograph
which carries a ''cud" of tobacco in each
eye, or wears bright red whiskers and a
purple nose. Mrs. Bowles has a bright
and beautiful experience ahead of her if
she only knew it. Lofty minds are
not thirsting for scathing lectures on
society. Lofty Minds might like to see
you, AlfIrita. il you have killed several
husbands and escaped. If you had done
as much in the elevating business as Sit
ting Dun, you might 10 wen, but, having
done nothing worse than to assassinate the
English language, a good Autograph alone
will not crowd your Halls with Lofty
Minds. There will be nights when two
or three lofty minds will be all you can
scare up.
Your books also must have been pub
lished very surreptitiouslY indeed, for |
have not saw any Of them. Possibly you
have the same man who magines that be
is publishing a book for me. If so. | beg
your pardon, You could commit almost
any kind of a crime and then if YOU let
him publish it, yonr secret would be
safe.
You will find, if YOU persist in lectur.
ing, that some people will be disappoint
ed in you. but remember even great men
have disappointed also. Speaking of DR.
Holmes, one of his audience said there
was no use talking, he'd rather real at er
Holmes than to set under him.
Having now given a very thorough ac-
count OF Puget Sound, | will close this
letter, hoping, however, to add still more
facts at another time.