The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1890-03-16
AWKWARD c4RIsTENlNes.
Good Stories Told by CIer-ymen-The Bash
full Parent.

Good Stories Told by CIcrgymen-The Bash
full Parent.
a number of clergynen were chatting the
other day over dinner at Clark's, given by
church club, when the conversation turned
on the old style of dictatorial preachers who
used to attempt to lay down the law to their
focks for their temporal as well as spiritual
guidance.
81 remember a ludicrous instance of the
kind" said one, ''when two of his humble
parishioners came before the parson of a
backwoods circuit and brought their baby to
be baptized
'.'What name do you give this childp he
said
Now. the woman lisped and the preacher
was rather deaf, so that when she replied,
I4uthy, thirr meaning Lucy, SIR he started
back in surprise.
"'Whats' he CALCULATED
g 'Luthy, thir,' repeated the embarrassed
mother
"'Luciferp Numbered the outraged pastor
Nonsense, woman. Would you name your
child after the devil? l would as soon call
him Judas Iscariot,' and dipping his hand in
the font he stihed the infants squeals, adding
with JUNCTION:
"'John Wesley, baptize thee
Sand the trembling parents, accustomed to
letting the old man have his way in all things,
went quietly out with their little girl bearing
that famous, if not exactly feminine, name"
That's q pretty good story said another
of tire party, land reminds me of some
what similar, though not so funny, case,
where the parents wanted to call the child
Julius Caesar, but the minister, remarking
severely, None of your heather names, dub
bed it Simon Peter. But that class of pa
rishioners whoare willing to submit their own
will to the pastors whim is not common,
nowadays, in cities anyway, and any preach
er who attempted such thing would be
likely to get piece of her mind from the
good wife. remember unwittingly offend
ing such one when l was young in the min
istry
81 had performed the ceremony and was
making out the certificate and registering
the christening in my book. Forgetting the
day of the month, said to the father:
"'Let me see-this is the twelfth, is it notF
"'The twelfth broke in the indignant
young mother It's only the second, and
you'baptized the first yourself If you visit
ed us oftener you would not make such alb
ut took me some time to assure her that
had intended no reflection on her age"
II used to feel awfully nervous over bap-
tisms before got married and had children
of my own," added another of the clergy
men, when had to take the baby from its
mothers arms before the whole congregation
l never failed to grab it the wrong way, 1t
seemed to me at first, and 1 invariably set
theunost placid youngster bawiing greatly
to my own embarrassment and to the delight
of the young people in the congregation.
One day good old mother on whom / was
calling excused herself from the room for an
instant, and came back bearing clever and
pretty babe, her grandchild
i have made up my mind, Mr.. NJ, she
said, from watching you handle the babies
that are brought to you for baptism, that
you need a few lessons in the art. Now |
propose to give you them, here in private,
with the baby as an objec3 ION, and nobody
will be any the wiser; but you own comfort,
as well as that of the congregation, not to
speak of the babies, will be greatly increased
81 was a little staggered at first by the
novel proposition, but soon fell into the
humor of it, and after a few instructions
from the old lady's stock of mother lore 1
handled that child like father of twins, and
soon became SO expert that l have quoted
many a squalling child at the font and re-
stored it to its mothers arms cooling and
soothed. In fact, found out long after l
was married that my wife first took liking
to me- as they say, from seeing the mastery
way in which l quieted a particularly bad
baby which had set the whole congregation
a-fdgeting."
II once met a case,n the speaker added,
"where a young couple whom | had married
at the same altar came to me to baptize
their first child. The father was unusually
young and abashed, and looked even younger
than he was The wife was self possessed
enough, and had evidently coached him for
the ceremony. His embarrassment was so
great, however, that when | said TO him, in
due course of the service, Name this child
he looked helplessly at his better half.
~ thought he had forgotten the name, and
SO did the congregation, some of whom be-
gan to SMILE
1.-THE wife nudged him, however, and he
woke up, answering in a clear voice:
.'I will
1.-THE ceremony of his last visit to that
altar was still fresh in bis mind, as it was, in
deed in the minds of many present, and his
pat reply ticlled them SO that it was with
difficulty decent order was preserved. New
York Tribune.