The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1890-10-05

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"wHY DOES EVERYBODY LAUGH AT ME-
planned to them by our colonel that the
stuff was almost sure death, and besides
that there wasn't more than enough for
the officers.
''That night the liquor was stored in
an old tobacco barn that stood on a side
hill, and the commissary took charge of
it. Pardon my going into detail this
way, but when / see bureau just pant
ing for private information like to load
it up, and only wish that the American
people would join me in this praise
worthy endeavor.
"The liquor was extremely rocky,
guess; but that's neither here nor there
The silence of night gathered about the
sleeping encampment, and tired nature
soon yielded to overpowering fatigue.
All was silence along the misty line of
slumbering forms, save the near by
crunching and grinding of provender by
the jaded horses or the distant report as
some faithful picket discharged his duty.
''Then all was silent again.
canon the day breaks, and with it
wild, mellow howl from Company G.,
known as the Sparkling and bright-in-its
lquid-light company: also the tee
totlers. This was calculated to be sar-
castle, because they had painted every
southern state a bright red barring
Texas, and that was too big for their
stock, so they run out of paint.
swell, these fellers were all xt1emely
full, and they went on to state ths t they
We're glad of it. They had been heard
to speak disparagingly of the rebellion
several times, and to say also that if they
were home again they would be almost
willing to let the colored man break his
own fetlocks in such style as he might
deem proper. They said great many
things about the inconvenience of being
chased and shot at for two days running
by an Infatuated foe at $13 per month
and find ones self.
Later on we ascert.ined that the
liquor had been secured by incendiaries,
who had stolen two barrels out of three,
and almost out from under our noses.
This very naturally Infatuated our Off
GERS, who had had only one or two big
drinks out of it so far, preferring TO wait
day or two in order that it would have
more age. tasted of it myself once, so
l was told by friends who held my head
all the day afterward couldn't help
thinking at the time that if this sort of
liquor was general in the south, piracy,
treason and the use of cuspidors in the
sanctuary ought not to be looked upon so
severely as they would where less
malignant style of rum was in general
circulation.
'sWell, to make long story short, Mr..
Census Burro, | was selected to guard
the remaining barrel that night. put
it up on trestle, locked the doors and
laid down alongside the trestle in my
blankets and waited for day. l kept
awake for probably an hour, though it
seemed to me like year. Then the
crickets sounded further and further
away, and that was all, for l was tired.
Oh, sir, / was indeed very tired. i
wasn't doing regular guard duty. recol-
lect, Burro, but sort of volunteer police
duty.
"Along about o'clock, 1 should say,
was woke up by sharp pain in my
person, and with shrek of agony which
was heard distinctly by loyal neighbors
of mine in Montreal. who said that it re-
minded them of the shrek made by Free
dom at the time when Kosciusko fell,
stood in the middle of the floor wrapped
in my own sad thoughts and an army
shirt which did not extend to the close
of the war by any means.
''As darted away from what seemed
to he the sting of an overgrown hornet,
sucn as one might run across while ram
bling through Satan's preserves, saw IL
the uncertain light the retreating bit Of
a two-inch auger. Then l could make
out dinly large collection of auge,
holes distributed around over the floor
evidently in vain search for spirits, and
below | heard the football of escaping
solcliery as they fell over each other il
their efforts to escape.
The whisky was saved, and in one Of
the battles which occurred soon after
ward think it won us the day, for oul
colonel was SO i'll natured because of tn,
head he had upon him on that DIV thai
before any one could pacify him NJ
> rushed in end killed quite lot of the
enemy, thus weakening them and turn.
ing their flank wrong side out, which
we took advantage of, and it gave us the
a victory.
: But have never been the same mar
since was SO horribly bored. | never
,. feel sure of my victuals unless of the
= very coarsest character, and | suffel
|, great pain at times. What / cannot un
+ derstand is that so many people regard
I the whole matter as mirth provoking
q Even quiet, sensible old people who ar,
not at all frivolous give themselves VI
to paroxysms of laughter when tell m,
sad tale. Why should old silver haired
people whose bloom has been rubbed of
for many a year let off a peal of laughte
l because my pancreas is weather beatel
D and the night air whistles through N,
g thoracic ducts?
: 81 have put in all the testimony tina
anybody need to, | think, regarding til
Case. and have swore to everything tina