Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-09-04

Il - f
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS
- ar-sa3
Astonishing Development - Titzy
Tries TO be Funny,-A Fair
Average Cost, Etc, Etc.
HER MOTIVE WAS ARCHITECTURAL.
Mrs. DeFash-Amy, why are You all
the time looking. out of the windowi
Don't you know it's not good forml
Amy-Yes, ma, but you said yourself
the other day that the front Of the house
is too plain and needs some decoration
badly. Munsey's Weekly. Z
LOOKS LIKE THEM ALL. .
Selby-They say that husbands and
wives grow to look like each other as
they grow older ga .ai
Ponsonby-Is that so9 What splen-
did composite photograph old Plentypop
would take, thenl He's been married
nine times.-[ Burlington Free Press.
TuAIldY WAS RIGHT.
{ 'T is-n began Tommy, when the
teacher interrupted him.
''That is wrong; you should say i
am.'" ~. .sEt.fs al, .t "a
"All right, y said Tommy. 81 am the
ninth letter Of thealphabet."
PAPA's JOKE.
Youngest Son--Papa, did you throw
stones at apples when you was boy9
Father-No; / threw stone into a
peach tree once, and what do you thinkg
Son--You broke awindowl
Father-No. I knocked off q peach
and on opening it found the stone.--
Wasp. -
ASTONISHING DEVELOPMENT. IA
Visitor-Tve not seen any of you for
ever so long. How isyour little brother
coming on, Tommy
Tommy--First rate. He can whistle
for himself and wear my ants.--[Texas
Siftings.
. AN OFF YEAR. t7 ts
sWell, Uncle Israel, how did you get
on with your farming this yearp'
Uncle Israeli didn't made nothin',
marster. You see, me an de boss was
worlSin' orn sheers. greed to do de
farmin' for harf de crap, am I didn't
make but harf crap dis year, an SO, in
course, didn't git nothin'.-l lHarper's
Weekly.
EASILY REMEDIED.
"Look here, Davis" exclaimed the
manager of the dime museum, aghast,
''you have made mistake. It wasn't an
Eskimo girl wanted for this department.
| 1t was q Circassian girl.
"That's all right, colonel, /" replied the
| travelling agent. ''Ulga," he said, turn
ing to the dusky beauty, Ego wash your
face and frizz your hair, r,"-[ Chicago
| Times.
FyTzY TRIES TO BE FUNNY.
"Hello, Fitzy, where did you get that
black eye9"
"Oh, it was only lovers quarrel"
"Lovers' quarrell Why, your girl die
not give you that, did shes"
mo, it was her other lover. VI New
York Herald.
CORRECTED.
| "Will you love me when I'm old2'
sang the maiden of uncertain age.
"Will I2'' murmured crusty old
bachelor. 'DoIg' youmean. "-- Wash,
ton Star.
DESIRABLE NEIGHBoRHooD.
Chickcring Some Of the new houses
uptown are so narrow that a piano can
not be put in. 1 @
| Baus (excitedly) )-Y You don't know the
| rent of the houses next door to them, dc
youa'-[Puck. ass e
FAIR AVERAGE COST.
Mrs. Cumso- -tsYou've seen these dol
lar-dinner- bills-of-fare in the household
magazines2
Mrs. Fangle Yes, 7 got one up thu
other day.
''How much did it cost you?"
tThree dollars and half.D
THE BILL WENT wrH THE BIRD.
elbow much. is that canary?"
| "Ten dollars. 49,, s, N, ~,
/ Every we'll III take it. Send thu
| bill. .
ave cannot send the bill without the
rest of the bird. Bazaar.
WEALTHY AFTER ALL.
"Mr. Bondheavy," said the young
man, with much assurance, II have come
again to ask you for the hand of you
daughter" i
i Didn't tell you only last night tina
my daughter should never marry th'
son Of poor peachgrowerg"
| "Yes, said the lover, "but my fathe
is no longer poor. He found two basket
of peaches in his orchard this morning
and-n
/ Take her, my boy, and may you b
happy. - Norristown Herald.
i LEAVES.
| In spring time, when an unseen sprite,
i a. rose wreath in the garden wcaves,
i And all the skies are blue and white,
| The maple leaves.
Before the winters angry blast