Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-10-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A certain class-Know-It-A -Alls.
A good suggestion = "Lct's go to
church. ."-MaH and Express.
Might not misfits be prevented if the
proper measures were taken2
A preferred creditor-One who never
presents his bill.-Teras Sytings.
The ills of life are often easier to bear
than the stock market.-1enas SHtings.
"Im not tall" said the saving little
man, "but Pm never short. "-Boston
Herald.
1t is easier to live within your income
than to live without one. - Boston
Courier.
"Why does Mr.. Lank go so often to
fish," ''He expects to gain flesh.
Boston Courier.
Whoever is head of the ship state, the
farmer fairly represents the tiller.--
PHILADELPHIA Times.
To the mind of the anti-monopolist
there is no such thing as perfect trust.
Detroit Free Press.
"Now, just let me give you point
er." "Thanks, no. I've no use for
."-New York Herald.
A very large percentage of people out
live their usefulness at an early age
Seattle { (IPdstinqton) Journal
Money is ncuter thing,
fact which nature balks.
1t should be classed as feminine,
Because, you know, it talks.
-NeW York SIN.
"She is not pretty. You said she was
as pretty as a picture" "Oh, well, l
meant an amateur photograph. "-NeO
York lSun.
Chow much does that fellow owe
YOU 2" "a cool thousand" "Ah!
Cool but not collected, eha"-Binghana-
ton Leader.
81 can't 90 to JAIL" said a funny va
grant. 81 have no time" "The Court
provides that" said the Judge. 81 give
you ten days"
Proof that man is really near-sight-
ed: When he finds it necessary to look
at an elephant through magnifying
glass. Fliegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Brown-''I wonder who wrote
up this account of the Presidents car
riagel" Mrs. Malaprop-"Some hack
writer, of course "-Harper's Basar.
Waiter very gravelO-'I hope, sir,
you'll remember the waiter" Customer
(coolly)-'I have locket. Give me a
lock of your hair. "-L'Int,ansigeant.
Pupil-"Why does the avoirdupois
system have no scruplesa" Prof. Rod
der-.'Because, my boy, it's used TO
weigh coal and ice. ."-Harper's Basar.
Let us then be up and doing,
With heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Catching fish or cutting bait.
Washington Star.
"Jane, will you go for sail today2"
Mr.. Toodles asked his wife at the sea-
side. "Why, certainly, Timothy.
What is it, an auction or sheriff'sa"-
Philadelphia Times.
Gazzam 81 see that the German
Government thinks of making North-Al-
sace- Lorraine an independent duchy."
Maddox-"Of course if it were Duchy
it wouldn't be so Frenchy. ."-Harper's
Bazaar.
Now let the women do our work,
And let us cook the hash,
For now they wear our laundried shirt,
And we've wear their sash.
Ashland (Wis.l Press.
Mr.. Fogg, having had the misfortune
to fall into the fountain basin of the
hotel at watering place, finds on his
next weeks bill the following entry
'To one cold bath, 81. ."-Fl,egende
Blaetter.
ga half ticket for this boy, please"
"How a half-ticleta Isn't he twelve
years old2" "Oh, no, only eleven"
'sOh, then you want q whole ticket, for
only children under ten go for half. y
Fliegende Biaetter.
He attained the proud title of Mr..
And she pledged to be more than ST,
So they stool at the altar,
And ner did he falter
When he bent DER and solemnly kr. Isl
Buffalo Erprcss.
"Have you boarded long at this
house2" inc, :1.::rcd the new boarder of the
detected man sitting next to hi N.
"About ten years II don't see how
you can stand it. Why haven't you left
long ago?" "No other place to go,'
said the other dsmally s'The landlady's
my wife. p Chicago Tribune,