Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-11-20
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Terrors of Bankruptcy-Hea
Bread-Awfully Lonesome-Habit
He Got Petition, etc, etc.
THE TERRoRs OF BANKRUPTCY.

Bread-Awfully Lonesome-Habit
He Got Petition, etc, etc.
THE TERRoRs OF BANKRUPTCY.
First Merchant-M Snodgrass last
last evening entering Delmonico's. He
was dressed in the height of fashion, and
large and juicy cigar was between his
lips.
Second observation-disclosures Oh,
yes he failed two months ago, and is
trying to settle at ten cents Jewellers
Circular.
HEAVY BREAD.
Mr.. Charley Younghusband-Why,
what's the matter2
Mrs. Youngbusband Gn deep an
guish)-I gave-a-a-tramp-a PIP
piece of my fresh home made bread
and d-and-he gave it to Rover.
Mr.. Charley Younghusband (consoling-
lO-Well, l wouldn't cry about a little
thing like that.
Mrs Younghusband- don't u
u-understand. Pm crying about Rov-
er-he is boo-hoo-hoo Life.
AwFULLY LONESOME.
The man who promptly pays his bills
Is lonesome;
Who never felt the poor mans chiils
Is lonesome;
Who can always meet his debts,
And who never, never bets,
Who flirts not with the girls-the pets,
Is lonesome, awfully lonesome.
i Boston Herald.
Groughter-I want to get some socks
with holes in them.
Salesman-What's the idea2
Groughter-rve been bachelor for
forty years, and they are the only kind
can wear Clothier and Furnisher.
lie GOT A PENSION.
Commissioner-Were you wounded in
the war?
Pension Seeker-Yes, sir.
Where
Pension Seeker-In my vanity.
didn't get promotion l expected.
TRUE BILL.
Joncs-I don't think you ought to go
around saying that Robinson is the big
gest coward alive.
Brown-Why, he shows in every way
he's afraid of me.
Jones-So2 Well, you're justiiiable.
PLAYING AT STORE.
Mamma" asked the next to the
youngest girl, eddie and / are going
to play grocery store. Won't you give
us something to start business with 2"
"Here's my spool of thread and the
button bag and
"Oh, we don't want them," inter
rupted Eddie, "why don't you give us
pie or something so if trade is bad we
can eat up the stock and keep it from
going to wastc!"
TURN ABOUT.
At n Scotch fair u farmer was trying
to engage lad to assist on the farm, but
would not finish the bargain until he
brought character from the last place
so he said "Run and get it and meet me
at the cross at four o'clock" The youth
was up to time, and the farmer said,
"Well, have you got your character with
you2" "Na," replied the youth. "but
I've got yours, and I'm no comin'"
TICKLE PHYLLIS.
She thought it wrong for him to shoot
The birds along the coast,
But, while poor Strephon paid his suit,
She ordered quail on toast.
Mistress What's the matter in there,
Mary?
Nurse Shure the children won't mind
me, mum.
"Well wig should they2 engaged
you to mind the children."- Yonkers
Statesman.
A MUSICAL POINTER.
Mother (whispering)-My dear, our
hostess wishes you to play.
Daughter - Horrors, mother! You
know l never play before strangers. l
become so nervous and excited that my
fingers get all tangled up, and make all
sorts of awful blunders.
Mother-Never mind, dear. Play
something from Wagner, and then the
mistake won't be noticed. New York
Weekly.
AN ALIBI.
Sunday school Superindent-Who led
the children of Israel into Canaan9 Will
one of the smaller boys answer2 Nc
reply.
Superintendent (somewhat sternly)-
Can no one tell2 Little boy on that seal
next to the aisle, who led the children Of
Israel into Canaana
Little Boy BADLY frightened)-I
wasn't me. II just moved yere last
week FIN Missoury. Chicago Tribune
ALEGAL TILT.
Briehess "a young lawyeD-Well, III
be hangedl
Old Practitioner-I wouldn't be sur
prised-that is, if you defend yourself
Epoch.
A GREAT INDICTMENT.
Bobbie-Whcn I get to be a man In
going to be printer.
Papa-Why SOP
Bobbie (smacking his lips)-'Caust
Mr.. Type, the printer up the way, say
they have always lots of "pi."-[St
Paul Globe.
Fasset-What! wearing evening dres:
this time of day! Why, it's only noon
Cholly Cholmondeley-Aw, but it i
six O'clock in London, doncherknow. -
| Jewellers Circular.
GUIDED Alright.
Father am very much afraid on
daughter will elope with that young ras