Los Angeles herald., 1890-08-02
Who Has Plenty of Room for
Her Liver,
Mr.. Ambrose Thinks Is the One
to Love.
Yesterdays Chautauqua Sport and
Lectures at RedOndO.
The Winners of the Contests-Interesting
Lectures-Notes and
Gossip.

The first exercise on the ChautauQua
programme of yesterday was the Bible
readings, and it is to the credit of the
conductors that these readings draw au-
diences remarkably large.
Sham Family.
At II a. m. J. Clement Ambrose gave
his third and last lecture, "The Sham
Family" He prefaced his remarks by
saying that his 'family" was an excep-
ton, the world was not all bad. He
only cared to step on the shams that
hurt most.
''Fine dress is no sin. The silk worm
and Alaska seal get nearest heaven
when on your wife's back, and if you
don't think so, you ought to. The only
objection l have to broadcloth is the
price, which keeps it off my back.
''Dress may or may not beautify. 1t
depends. Who would paint Ma
donna with hold-back, or a
Venus with a waist semi-bisected.
Young man, love the hungry girl; she
laughs more, has more room for her
liver, and let's the spleen take back
seat. l once heard it said by
an old man, There are no shams
outside OF society," Will the oldest
bachelor stand up? He's bashful. Did
God make bachelors? Ask the girls of
bachelor age. Is it in society where
sorghum becomes Vermont maple or the
yardstick walks on three short legs?
"When congress sent committee to
mourn at the funeral of our murdered
president, No. 2, as the train neared
Cleveland a leader remarked: If we
have tears to shed, let us prepare to
shed them now.' The liquid flowed
freely, and that dear congress water cost
the country 1000.
II love the church well enough to pull
weeds in her garden. Mr.. Moody used
to say that one OF the first personages to
creep into the new church was the devil
Possibly that is not SO today, and | be-
leve the crusts of the donation pie no
longer hold close communion"
The speaker gave various accounts of
humbugs in religion, but closed his par
agraph with the remark: Enemies of
Christ see one sham pastor, and con-
denim his class; one hypocrite in his
flock and damn his religion"
He scored the sham doctor, butcher,
journalist and merchant, and thus closed
his remarks: "You see, friends, my
family is very large, and leaving the rest
I'll bid you goodbye" which he did
amid the applause OF his audience.
Athletics.
Yesterday was the first field day of the
assembly. At 2 p. m. large crowd
greeted the opening, on the grounds in
front Of the amphitheater. The track
: was little soft, but otherwise the exer-
cises were a success. The first event
was hundred yard dash, in which were
entered DAME H. Burks, G. L. Logan, E.
E. Washburn, w. G. Yates and P. J.
Ward. On the first start Yates and Ward
stepped over, and were set back one yard.
Yates won; winning time, 10 4-5; P. J.
Ward second.
One-fourth mile bicycle race--En-
tered: D. l.. Burke, VIM. A. Tufts, w. j.
Allen. Allen led for first three-fourths
distance, and was passed by Burke, who
won; time, 3734; Allen second.
Standing broad jump--Contestants
H. Pitblado, w. L. Stewart, E. D. Chap
man, E. E. Washburn. Won by Wash
burn; distance. 9.2 feet.
Bicycle race, one-half mile-Entries
D. L. Burke and w. J. Allen. Won by
Burke; time, l :43 1-5.
Running broad jump-Entries H. Pit
blado, W. L. Stewart, E. D. Chapman,
E. E. Washburn. Won by Chapman;
1868 feet.
$50 yards dash-Entries: H. Pitblado,
w. G. Yates, w. H. Syme, j. D. Burks.
Won by Yates, % 2-5 seconds; second,
H. Plitblado.
Three-legged race, 100 yards-Pitblado
and Stewart, and Washburn and Peter
son. Won by Stewart and Pitblado !;
time, 1874 seconds.
Half-mile foot race-Entries w. H.
Syme, w. E. Taylor, Sam. Peterson,
James Ryan, J. d. Burks. Won by
Burks; time, 218. This was one of the
prettiest races of the day, and called
forth warm applause from the specta-
tors.
At this stage of the proceedings G. E.
Bolton, the lecturer, announced that Tor
a 220-yard race, those entered to be un-
der twelve years of age, he would
give to the winning youngster book,
and the one coming in last should have
doll. Manly Gibson got the book and
Will Sphinx captured the doll.
Throwing baseball-Entries: G. b..