davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
EASY ENOUGH TO EXPLAIN.

a CLERGYMAN was lamenting the fact that
his congregation appeared to be restless
during his sermons, and declared that many of
the members of his flock would get up right at
time when he fancied himself most impress
siye, and would leave the house.
THAT'S bad, answered young preacher,
"but must say that l do not experience any
such annoyance. Not single member of my
congregation gets up aad goes out during
services"
"You don't say sof' the first speaker ex.
claimed. "How do you manage itf''
81 don't manage it at all-seems to manage
ITSELF"
Don't they complain when you preach long
sermon?"
"No, I've never heard word Of complaint. !"
sThat is indeed singular. Your people must
have been exceptionally well brought up"
mo, think not"
"Then you must be one of the most eloquent
Of men. What is the style Of your preaching?"
ION. rather dry, am compelled to admit I
do not possess the faculty of drawing an inter-
esting illustration or Of throwing out bright
idea"
"well, well, have never heard of anything
so wonderful. And you tell me that no one
ever gets up and goes out?'
Eyes. that's what tell you."
"Well, don't understand 1t; that's all"
"Oh, it is easy enough to explain. I am
chaplain at the penitentiary."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
NEW ENGLAND,s ROADS.

We alluded Yesterday to the awakening
in New York State with regard to country
roads, and there are indication that the
question is being brought within the horizon
of practical politics in Massachusetts,. Our
esteemed cotemporary the Boston Herald
ably advocates the radical reformation of
the rosd-making system in vogue in the Old
Bay State. As in Pennsylvania it is the
lack of any regular system of road repair
ing that has made travelling over rural
highways in Massachusetts painfully
difficult. The Herald instances the wonder
full increase in Brookline's population as
result of its good roads, and declares that
wherever towns have spent money freely
upon their highways, and kept them in good
repair, the increase in population has amply
compensated the community for its expen-
ditures.
THE DISPATCH is glad that the good
seed sown in Pennsylvania is likely to bear
fruit in New England as well as at home.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
AnEFuNCT MEASURE.

Although the result of the Senatorial
csucus is not authoritatively announced the
practical agreement of the reports leave
little doubt that the "sickly kitten, as Sen
ator QUAY has termed the Federal elections
bill, is now practically defunct, although
the formal ceremony of burial is yet to be
performed.
In his inception and leadership Of the
movement to abandon this bill, Senator
Quay has shown the political quality which
is rare nowadays, and is all the more desir-
able BY reason of its rsreness, Of perceiving
when his party has got into bad place, and
of gracefully executing q retrograde move
ment regardless of previous party behests.
1t may be regretted that Senator Quay did
not take his stand against the bill because it
was grossly partisan measure, reversing the
practice of century solely for the sake Of
party advantage. 1t could hardly be hoped
that the Republican manager could rise to
the height OF deciding his action simply on
the merits of the proposed legislation. Since
that was impossible for man of his politi-
cal antecedents, it is OF no slight importance
that the Republican leaders of this State
have developed the judgment necessary to
back out of the hole into which they have
been thrust by others.
It is interesting to trace the career of this
attempt to legislate party supremacy. Its
life was q short one. 1t was launched upon
the world of struggle and conflict by
Speaker Reeds speech at the Americus
Culb banquet in this city last spring. Had
the political banqueters who cheered the
Speakers demonstration that the power of
the Republicans in Congress could be indef-
nitely prolonged by the device of doing
our own counting" been able TO foresee that
in 9 few short months that stroke of party
policy would be laid out for burial by the
action of the Pennsylvania Senators, their
applause might not have been so enthusias-
tic. So far as Pennsylvania Republicsnism
is concerned, if the qodfathsring of this
measure is to be kept up by warfare on those
who slaughtered the ailing infant in the
very nursery, as it were, the Americus club
will be reduced to the necessity of excluding
both Quay and Cameron from its favor and
starting new brand of Republicanism all
by ITSELF
Born amid the plaudits of the Americus
banqueters, the elections bill, after brief
and not wholly glorious career, breathes its
last in the privacy Of the Senatorial caucus.
Its chief function has been to develop the
Speakers theory that no Republican who
did not indorse the bill should have a
chance to speak upon it; and to lay the
Republican Senators by the ears, with the
reported deliverance of Senator Hoar that
the tariff bill shall 60 to the bow-wows
rather than that the elections bill shall be
sacrificed. Having accomplished these re-
suits, this precious measure has perished of
its own ponderosity.
The experience cannot be gratifying to
the Republican leaders. But if it teaches
them the lesson of legislating for the Nation
instead of for party, the value of the in
struction may be worth the humilisting e1-
perience.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16

WITH regard to the movement in Mary
land to kill the Chesapeake and Ohio canal, the
New York Press cogently says: 'If this canal,
the Chesapeake and Delaware. and the Della
ware and Raritan and Morris canals were free
Government canals. American coal and iron
ore could be transported to those parts Of New
England which want protective duties taken
of of raw materials so cheaply that that sort
of menace to the protective system would never
be heard again from that quarter" There is
solid truth in this assertion, but before the i'm
portaut result so tersely set forth can be at
tanned, the policy of turning over the canals to
the custody of their natural enemies, the rail-
roads, must be abandoned and reversed. If the
newspapers of the country will unite In de-
manding a system of water transportation free
from railroad control, the great blunder Of the
past generation may be retrieved.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
OPPOSED TO THE FORCE BILL.
Hon. William Vance Returns From the
south and Gives His Reasons.

Hon. william Vance Returns From the
South and Gives His Reasons.
rsrEcrAL TELEGRAM TO THE DISPATCH,
FINDLAx, August 15-Hon, Wilson Vance,
who, two years ago, was the Republican candi-
date for Congress from this district, against
Judge George E. Seney, and one year ago
prominent candidate for the Republican Gu
bernatorial nomination, having the highest
vote in the convention, Foraker alone excepted,
has Just returned from business trip through
the South, and is outspoken in his opposition
to the passage of the Lodge election bill. now
pending In Congress.
Said Colonel Vance to THE DISPATCH cor
respondent this morning: "As you know,
have ever been stalwart Republican. and
have been believer and upholder of the party
methods to secure and retain power, but draw
the line on the so-called force bill. 1t Is the
worst measure that has been Matched by any
Congress since the war period, and Its passage
will do more to retard the material interests OF
the country both North and South, than any
thing that can conceive. 1t will simply undo
the work Of the past 20 years to reconcile the
sections and deal blow to business which a
quarter of century cannot repair. have just
returned from an extended tour of the South,
and know what I am talking about. If the Re-
publican party desires to lose the business in
fiuence of the North and commit political harl-
kari let Congress pass the Lodge or Hoar elec-
tion bills. If this Is done Harrison will be the
last Republican President this country will
ever have
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
TERMS OF THE DISPATCH.
PITTsBURG. SATURDAY. AUG. l6 1890.
THE OsCEoLA HORROR.

It is hard to believe that the accident
10 the Atlantic express at Osceols, on
the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad, on
THURSDAY night, was the work of
human fends eager for plunder or re-
venge. But it is hard to account for the
fatal barrier of ties across the tracks
in any other way. The miscreants had
abundant time to escape, and the de-
tectives have, as far as we know,
absolutely nothing to guide them.
A thorough investigation may shed light
upon the mystery, and in particular we
hope the rumor that q construction train
laden with ties preceded the Atlantic ex-
press will receive the Coroner's attention.
In Justice to the brave engineers and the
nameless tramp who perished, and the hun
dreds of travellers whose lives were i'm
periled, the inquiry into the cause of the
disaster must be made searching and ex'
kaustive.
The accident occurred on Thursday night
an hour or more before midnight, and the
officials of the Baltimore and Ohio in this
citv were informed of it very soon after. Il
was their duty to have reported the acci
dent to the newspapers of Pittsburg at once
They did nothing of tie SORT On the con
trary, they tried to conceal it We CON-
plain of this not for the newspapers sake,
but for the public's. When an accident oi
this sort occurs the public has q right to
know the truth at once. Anxiety
is relieved and fears allayed By
prompt publication of the facts
II crime is connected with the accident
Justice is assisted by publicity. Most rail
roads appreciate these facts, and do theil
best to save the public the agony of sus
peuss. Perhaps the Legislature might d.
we'll to make prompt publication Of RAILROAD
accidents compulsory.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
CAN BEAT THE BELL PUNCH.

A Kansas City Street Car Conductor Has
Solved the Difficult Problem.
From the Chicago Trlbune.l
A Kansas City street car conductor has found
an easy way to beat the bell punch. He goes
off TO some secluded spot at night, notes the
number indicated by the register, pulls the ma
chine till it has counted of the entire 10000
and begun at one again, after which he rings
till the register indicates 100 less than when he
began and stops. ae Is then In position to
ring fares honestly all next day and be % ahead
of the company at night. The only way now to
beat the honest street car conductor is to make
the counting capacity of the register 100000 OF
handcuff him to some other honest man hired
to watch him day and night
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
GRAND OFFICERS ELECTED.
The Select knights Choose New Board for
tka nru,fn. Vanr

The Select Knights Choose New Board for
the Coming Year.
Du BoIs, August l5.-The Select Knights in
session here, have elected lhe following officers
for the ensuing year:
Grand Commander. W. r. Kirker, of Belle
vus Legion No. 81; Grand Vice Commander,
DR.. J. e. Dunn, Liberty Legion No. 20; Grand
Lieutenant Commander, DR.. L D. Balllett, Du
Bois Legion No. Is; Grand Recorder, r. H.
Thompson, Duquesne Legion No. 10; Grand
10; Grand Standard Bearer. U. l. Hannsn.
Spartan Legion No. II; Grand Senior Page,
George NJ. Draher, General Meade Legion No.
IL GranS a '9ni0f nni ng rag d iesGn eSn 5DSI
New Castle Legion No. "; Grand Medical Elk
aminer. DR.. r. v. Brooks, Evans City Legion
No. 80; Grand Trustee, one year, A, W. Doll
niger, Humboldt No II; two years, Henry Bork,
Humbolt No. IL: three years, Z. Il. Bostvick,
Du Bois Legion No. l8
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
ANrI.vAcc1NAr1oN AGITATION.

The agitation of the anti-vaccinationists
is becoming quite active at present In
addition to the special article published in
THE DISPATCH q few days ago. from q
local opponent OF vaccination, extracts from
the London Saturday ReUiew, in this issue,
give a fair idea of book against vaccina-
tion recently published in England by DR..
Crookshank.
The argument of the English physician
takes generally the same line as that of the
local writer. OF the historical claim that
Jenner was anticipated in his discovery,
there is little need to dispute. The fact that
cowpo1 was known before Jenner made it'
use general is not important; although the
reliance upon it as sn argument that Jennei
was an impOstor and his discovery worth
less may not increase our respect for the
logic Of the anti-vaccinationists. The i'm
portant clsim is that vaccination does moi
afford protection against smallpox.
On this point it is necessary to say thai
the ansi-vaccinationist must produce over
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
CURRENT TIMELY TOPICS.

KING KALAKAUA intends making trip to
Europe. Pass the hat please.
A MEMBER of the British House Of Com
mons called fellow member "a low, mean
skunk" and was compelled to apologize, Com
pliments are evidently not appreciated by the
humorists Of the House Of Commons.
MINORS in New ork will be subject to ar
rest after September LIST If they are caught smok-
ing on the streets. The law does not AFFECT the
dude and his little cigarette.
PROHIBITION or dry weather is sraising havoc
among the farmers of Mitchell county. Kan. A
frst-class cow can be bought for alo.
THE angler sits upon the bank,
(For so the fish are cozenedl
And drinks each time he gets bite
And each time when he Doesn't
-Epoeh.
A COMMERCIAL traveller has established an
association for the religious conversion Of that
class. He is destined to die of old age before COM
pletinR his contract.
A NATURALIsT. who is also something Of .
philosopher, says: The time may come when
politicians will mean all that is noble and good;
when a small boy will break an apple in two and
give his little sister the bigger half; when tramp
will work. and stray dog WON'T bite, but the day
will never dawn when fly can tickle drowsy
mans nose without making him jump.
THE census enumerator is again getting in
his work in Minneapolis and st. Paul. Some
cities dislike very much to see idle men in their
midst.
ftt
Mr.. MUDD has been renominated for Con-
gressional honors In Maryland. He will no doubt
think himself appropriately named after the bal
lots are counted In his district In November.
THE Republicans are just now abusing 9 en-
ator Quay as heartily as did the Democrats . few
weeks before. The Silent Senator will be COM
PEELED to go on another fishing trip 10 get away
from his friends.
The average citizen Of Georgia Is either Of
value on his feet Recently man lost his pedal
settled with the magnanimous officials for $500
Georgian.
A REPORT is current that the seductive game
Of draw poker is engaged In to such an extent in
the committee rooms of the House Of Represents
tives that grave statesmen forget themselves, and
spend much Of their time over the fascinati z
game. These statesmen are not to be condemned.
The session has been a long one. and they must
have some relaxation from their busy and fatigu-
ing labors.
THE supply of beans was equal to the de-
mand in Boston, which causes Boston paper to
dramatically cry, "We never get left"
L
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
OUR SHORT STORIES.
AN UNAPpREcIATED PHlLANTHRoPis1

al WILL detain you only moment, ma'am." /"
said a greasy looking tramp TO the lady
who came to the door Of a house in a suburb
the other day, in answer to his ring. sI am the
inventor of process for the deodorization of
boiled cabbage"
IA process for whatf' she inquired.
"For deodorizing the nutritious but not
ambrosal cabbage. The invention, madam,
has cost me much mental labor, and Ihave ex-
pended hundreds Of dollars in perfecting 1t.
am not mistaken, I think" he continued
shifting the air in dispassiouate, judicial kind
Of way, 'in surmising that you are cooking
cabbage in your Kitchen at this moment7"
"You are not"
II am seldom mistaken in the odor of cabbage.
Now, as Twas about to say. although this proc
ess Of mine for the removal, or rather the pre-
vention OF the peculiar fragrance given forth
by the cabbage In the process of cooking has
cost me heavily, yet am not monopolist /
have no wish to deprive mankind Of the benefit
OF the discovery. For mere plateful OF that
cabbage ma'am," he said, wiping his mouth
softly with the back of his hand, II will impart
to you the secret whereby you can boil this
justly celebrated vegetable all day, without
filling your house with the odor."
II think not. don't want your secret"
POSSIBLY. ma'am,n he said, suggestively,
you enjoy the fragrance"
II do"
""Ah-umT he unused, s'some persons do. It
will surprise you, doubtless, to learn that am
passionately fond of 1t myself My expert
ments on deodorization have not been pursued
from a selfish motive" he added with dignity.
''but with the idea Of beDefting others. Per
haps, madam, as it seems impossible for us to
put this matter on the basis of business trans
action, you may see your way clear to permit
ting me to test that cabbage to the extent of
half a plateful anyhow"
II do not"
Then have you any objections to my re-
naming here few moments and enjoying the
smell of that cabbagef'
~ have. If you don't 60 away I'll set the dog
on you.n
The tough-looking caller put his greasy hat
on one side Of his head and strode down the
steps with an air of insulted majesty.
when you see me again, madam" he said,
SIN all probability shall be at the head of q
gigantic cabbage trust"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
A ACoMpLErE ORIGINAL STORY

A COMPLETE ORIGINAL STORY
BY GRANT ALLEN
CHARMING FEATURE OF
To-MoRROW's 2O-PAGE DISPATCH.
OUR CABLE LETTERS
NOW COVER CONTINENTAL EUROPE.
OUR HOME SPECIAL SERVICE
GUARANTEES ALL THE BEST NEWS.
SUMNER RESORTS.
srORFIss SFF srH D2sID; 1RIaA. PAGES g
MUSIC AND SCIENCE,
20 TRAVEL AND ADVENTURE
PAGES. FACT AND FICTION,
KITCHEN AND BouDoIR
FADs AND FASHIONS,
ARE PRESENTED IN THE DISPATOH
BY THE WORLDS ABLEST WhlTEhS.
READ THIS LIST
OF ORIGINAL CONTRIBUTIONS
FOR TO-MORROW'S BIG NUMBER:
BEAUTIES OF CREsSoN,
SAILING THE PACIFIC.
AN ANDERsoNvILLE TRAGEDY,
FRANK G. CARPENTER.
THE wATER-sPRITE's BRIDE,
COLORADO SKETCHES,
JAMES N. BAsKKTr.
NUTS TO CRACK,
GOSSIP OF GOTHAM.
CLARA BELLE.
TRICKS WITH BAD BOOKS,
MY ONE GORILLA Cstory),
GRANT ALLEN.
COOKING APPLES,
STAND FAST, CHARACTERISTICS (storyl,
WILLIAM BLACK.
AGAINST AsCETIolsM, 1z
REV, GEoBGE HODGES
CIR CLIFFORD.
ENGLISH FASHIONS,
SHELLEY DARE.
SOUTH AMERICAN INDIANS.
MISTAKES OF SOCIETY,
THE VOYAGE OF LIFE.
SAOnAh1' ( f'0- T1IMEa WELLINGTON.
ENGLISH COUNTRY HOUSES.
SHIRTS KILL SAVAGE
PARIS ART STUDENTS FUN,
DEwoLF soANLAE.
ONE DAYS OUTING.
LADIES WHO WHISTLE.
LET THE EAGLE SCREAM.
AS OTHERS SEE US.
ALMIGHTY CAVERN,
GEORGE 7. HAReREAvEs.
RACING IN ENGLAND.
IrCHARMs THE home CIRCLE.
IT DELIGHTS THE LADIES.
1t PLEAsEs NEWS DEvoURERS
IT EATERS TO ALL CLASSES.
1t MONSTER MAGAZINE.
IT A REAL NEWSPAPER.
IT KEEPS PITTSBURG PROMINENT.
1T SATISFIES BUSINESS MEN.
IT Is THE PEOPLES FAvoRITE.
IT PROGRESSIVE ALWAYS.
IT LEADS IN ALL DEPARTMENTS.
YOU CAN GET THE DISPATCH
FROM NEWS AGENTS,
FROM NFwSBoYS,
FROM TRAIN BOYS
FROM ALL CARRIERS.
THROUGH THE NAILS.
ON ALL NEWS STANDS.
To-MoRRows BIG ISSUE
WILL GIVE You A WEEKS READING.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
FEW PLEASANT SMILES.

"oh, 1 wish I'd been a man." cried Mrs.
Bionson.
IT wish to heaven you hadl'' retorted Mr.. Bjon-
son.-The Epoch.
"How are YOU, tragedians?"
stFirst rate. just in from Rochester"
,sIndeedg Were you detained by the strike'''
''strike! What, is there strike on the road9''-
Helo York Sun.
9" was introduced to General Greedy
awhile ago, but I'm inclined to think some one
else was personatlng him."
"Why?'
81 asked him If 1t was going to rain, and he said
he didn't know. "-Nsl0 York SU".
Excited Citizen-Oficer! Oficerl A man
has just jumped of that pier.
Policeman (who can't Swim)-Wen- there amt
NO law agin bathin' with clothes on, Is therei-
Lts.
The Jury brought in verdict OF mot
nrIsoner: ,,After this you ought to keep away
from bad company"
I'm hurry. ~ CateGgo Tribune,
Tonobstone Mak.r-Look here, you have
don. very poor Job Of spelling In this sentiment
Won want engraved on your uncle's tombstone.
az know; did IL on purpose. My uncle was
verv illiterate man. "-Epoeh.
"Haye you boarded long &C this house?"
man sitting next to him.
about ten years."
81 don't see how you can stand t. Why
haven't you left long sgol''
emo other place to CO." said the other dis
mally. THE landlady's my wife. ."-chfeaes
Tribune.
"Belong round here, Mister?" asked
blue-coated gray-beard?
ayes, sir. What can do for you?''
''Well, want to ind the way to Bunker Hin
Monument"
The route was described, and then said the vet
ersn; '.Right pleasant town, this"
'sFrom PhiIadelphiag' queried the Boston man.
''Yes, sir, am. But how in thunder did yo1
knowP''-Boston Transcript.
A TWILIGHT EPISODE.
Evenings shade has fallen now,
And at my window stand
There is gloom upon my brow
Clinched Is my angry hand
Imust climb upon q chair
To the whole wide street displayed;
while with hammer And with tsoks
liz up that ALLEN shade, -Psek,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-16
STATE POLITICAL NOTES.

HARRISBURG Patriot: Judge Harry Whites
opposition to the Australian ballot system Is not
likely to do any harm to the system, although 1t
may do harm to White.
PorTsvILLE Miners Journal: A few Of the
shrewder Democratic organs have begun to say
that the tariff is not an issue in Pennsylvania.
The Scranton platform doesn't bear this out.
however.
READING Herald: No one seriously believes
that the politicians mean to give us ballot re-
form. Both parties promise it readily enough,
but party promises are more worthless than
Confederate notes.
MEADvILLE Tribune! OF course the Demo-
Gratis want to kill Quay politically, for with
him at the head of the Republican National
Committee they fully realize that Democratic
success is not possible in 1892
WILLIAhsPoRT Sun: SO Congressman NJ 0.
Cormick will not be a candidate tor reelection
This probably means that ex-Audltor General
Miles, of Tioga county. is the coming man.
Why not elect Democrat next timer
SCRANTON Republican: The FIRST movement
in an attempt to revive Ex-Governor Hoyt as
factor in Luzerne county politics is being made.
Governor Hoyt is being quietly and cautiously
pushed to the front as q candidate for Con,
gress.
CINCINNATI Enquirer: 1t is significant
fact that the Republican newspapers of Penn
sylvania are becoming nervous over Della
matters chances of election, What has be-
come of that $4,000 majorityf Has 1t Joined
the old-time 100000 of Iowaf
BIRMINGHAM Age- Herald: Some good Re-
publicans in Pennsylvania have been applying
the open letter prize to Candidate Delamater.
to induce him TO make some explanation of the
serious charges brought against him, but like
hi ata Onav ho inn aa IN m
act.
ERIE Dtspatoh: 1t Is coincidence that
David Wilson. father of Hugh Wilson, the
present candidate of the Prohibition party In
this district for Congress- was a candidate Of
the same party for the same office in the same
district In 1877, receiving II votes. We trust
the coincidence will not be carried 80 far as to
make the number Of Hugh's votes as low as
that Of his father.