The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-08-14
a FEArHERED PRIEST OF EVIL.
A Calm Recital o. the Woes That One
Parrot Brought Upon a Neighbor
hood
From the Chicago Ne,cs.

Parrot Brought Upon a NeiShbor
hood
From the Chicago Nelcs.
Parrots are priests of evil, if the deduc-
tons of a French student of criminal
statistics are true. He asserts that persons
who own parrots are twenty-five times as
likely to be criminals as those who do not
that is TO say, taking equal numbers Of own
ers and non-owners OF parrots, twenty-five of
the former have criminal records W here only
one of the latter has encountered the penal
code. If the Frenchm had studied the
nature of the crimes committed by the two
classes be probably would have found that
the criminal parrot owners are twenty
five times as vicious as the ordinary crimi-
nal
The Frenchman may be correct in his de-
auctions, but he did not go far enough. lie
ought 10 have gone into the next house-to
all the houses in the block in which parrot
resides-and there collected the criminal
statistics of the neighborhood. The parrots
first knowledge of the language is its pro-
fame vocabulary. He lis wonderful induce
melt to profanity. His choice Of literature
is Zola's works. A Dearborn avenue parrot
never ceased his ratings against the human
race until volume of that wicked author
was chained 90 his perch.
The parrots face is sufficient to guarantee
its picture place in the roguesi gallery. 1t
has the red nose of a hummer the evil eye
of confidence man and the voice of a
grave robber. Music takes the wire ed ge
off the savage instincts, the poet says. If
the parrots song gushes from Its heart, its
sentimental nature must consist of a nail
factory.
The young man VINO owns the Dearborn
avenue parrot tried to teach it to sing. He
experimental with different instruments to
get key that would chord with the par
rot's voice. He succeeded one day when a
troubabour saw filer began solo on his
stringed instrument in the woods led. The
parrot sung in the precise key of the saw
file, and the neighborhood at once flung it.
self against the ten commandments The
first was violated in the rema ks that greeted
the duet in its upper registers From that
the descent was easy to covetousness and
murder-a desire to possess and kill the
parrot.
This young man was paying court to
most exemplary Young woman in the neigh
borhood. He was not two-to-five favor
tie of her father. Ia fact, the old gentleman
had refused to subscribe to either the pre-
ferred or common stock of the trust in
which the young folks had combined their
confidence in each other. One beautiful
moonlight evening, when the stars were
gossip about Jupiter and Venus as they
ODOJ oDuil UUblI EON1el buT6duS UHTOuSu bu6
fate of this loving pair, grutf, cold, pierre
ing. unsympathetic voice screamed:
''Ha, ha, you villaiaw
The young man, who had never heard
Alderman Dixon in the heat of debate in
the city council, was startled. He rolled
down the stone steps on which he had been
sitting and started down the street as if he
were going to win in a cauter. The old
eltleman was aroused and started in hot
Tho tINro ho
result, and were arrested by COrrigaI s
p liceman for betting on the races. From
that moment affairs became worse in the
neighbor God. A worthy gentleman in the
next block was elected alderman, and intro
duced a gas ordinance in the council
Another became a constable and entered on
criminal career.
The young girl eloped with the leader of
the choir. The old man started in pursu
of the erring young woman boarded u
Clark street car, the cable broke when the
train was in the middle of the tunnel, and
the electric lights went out The old gen
tleman, though a deacon, used violent Ian
| guage touching the president of the COM
pany. The minister happened to be in the
grip smoking a Milwaukee avenue per-
| fecto. A church scandal resulted, in which
the girl's father was tried for conduct IN
becoming a deacon, and the minister was
| uufrocked because he had violated the
smoke ordinance.
The upshot of the whole matter was that
the parrot was hanged for witchcraft, and
thus peace was finally restored. The choir
singer became board of trade broker and
made million in a wheat corner. The ex-
deacon became a banker, and is now living
in Canada in luxury. The ex-preacher
dealt in race horses and is winning heavy
pools on the west side
But the parrot is dead