The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1890-08-01
CAN EDISON DO IT?
success Would Insure IL Patent MS Saint o
tho Spinster World.

SUCCESS would fnsdfo Il tHteht Ms saint Of
tho Spinster World.
Mw York Sun.
"Yes, truly. She has q man she
folds up and puts away. lie is lovely
u can't believe it. l see her every
where with such a distinguished chap
holds himself like a soldier and looks
like o lord"
"0f course. He's made OF wood.
That's why he's 80 stiff. Then his ex.
preston never changes. That's why he
looks 80 aIistocratic."
"Where on earth did she get him?o
bought him. She's rich, you know,
and could have bought lots OF live ones,
but you can't get rid Of them when you
wish TO, and seldom have them when
you need them. Nov, when she requires
an escort she whisks this fellow out OF
his box, unfolds and screws him 10.
gether, and, presto! a mani"
"But doesn't she die Of dullness? ?
Who talks to herr"
"He does. II she pulls the string he
converses beautifully. There is n set OF
conversation interchangeable cylinders,
THERE'S one on small talk, one on base
ball, one on religion. They we're talked
into by Ward McAlliste., Johnny Ward
and Talmage. Later on she can get 9th.
ers embracing all subjects; but really she
seldom needs to use any but the small
talk cylinder"
"How jolly! Wh.n she wants to talk,
what then? I"
"Oh! she ehuts him of. There is a
special stop for yes and mo- and he
never angers her by disagreeing, for she
presses the button and has a negative or
affirmative, Just as she wishes. Her
temper is really perfect since she's had
him, for he's her constant companion
and never rutlles her"
Dear me! How I wish / had oue,n
"My dear, you aro only one of many
millions who are sitting that wish, but
patience: they will soon be ready for
sale. ! hear there have been large orders
from hotel keepers all over the United
States, and Massachusetts, and Connect.
cut alone have bid for 80, 900 to start on"
"What a blessing to w%omankind.
Only fancy the poor old maids, the un.
attractive widows, the elderly females
who would be benefited. Think Of the
hosts Of them without father, brother,
husband or beau. They must either
stay mt home, employ messenger boys or
put up with some makeshift Of a fellow
obtained at great trouble and some risk.
A woman can't be housed all the time,
and she dislikes going about like a par
eel, and the makeshift 10 sure to bore
her-that's where the risk comes in. In
this way you car pick out a man,
short OIL long, fat or thin, light
or dark-suit your own complexion
and style, and have him changed
as your fancy dictates. After a time
you forget no is not alive. He
looks 80 nice and is always on hand, yet
so easily disposed OF. At first l did fancy
| should tire Of his conversation, but it
was just like that the real man used,
and | was &c much interested as ever be.
lore. Some women will feel sensitive,
rs having one Is a tacit acknowledgment
you can't get the other kind. Still, they
are Initiating them so cleverly that it Is
difficult to tell which is the patented
man. Blees your heart, don't fancy they
will supplan. the aesh and blood fei.
lows! That's not the idea nc oil, They
are only substitutes for those who can't
get the othera,
There's q pile Of coin in the enter.
prise, and the man who owns tho plant
has u big fortune assured. Tell ali the
women you know about It. It's almost
too good to believe, but it's true. l shall
write out this conversation for some
editor, and if he's not a bigger wooden
head than the subject Of the article, he'll
publish IT,, /