Connecticut western news., 1890-03-05
ALL SORTS.
How the Funny Men Are Earn
 ing Their Money.

How the Funny Men Are Earn
 ing Their Money. 4 woman's bureau drawer will hold halfa ton of clothes,
 A parasol, some bandboxes, and goodness
 only knows
 How many scores of other thing. within 1t And yet there's always lots of room for twice as many more. But give a man that self-same drawer and just one pair of socks, An undershirt, some dirty cuffs, an empty And when he's put them flu, it's capacity he'll And 6ll it up 50 awful full he'll never get it
 shut. Chicago Herald.
 Professional Courtesy. Wickars- "ls Timmins writing poetry yeti"
 Simmonds (another poet - "No, not yet."-Terie Haute Express.
 The Australian ballot system is to be tried on the Quincy postotfice prob lem. Next thing somebody will be recommending it for the ssgrip."
 A little girl, somewhat noted for her quaint and original sayings, said the other day at the breakfast table that s'she had got piece of bread head-first down her cough pipe" The British syndicate met tho cam paign liar on lonely road recently. The two looked at each other a minute, then rushed into each others arms cx- claiming, "My long lost brother!"- Lowell Mail.
 She-Sir, what do you mean by put ting your arm around my waist? He-Do you object3 She-Mr. Arthur Gordon, I'll give you just five hours to remove your l arm.-Bcacon. Mrs. Gossip-stWhat is your hus- band trying for the grippe, the prayer | cure?"
 Mrs. Singcr-"From his remarks, I should think he was trying the swear cure. Howell.
 Laphson-ssl just met Randall, and he said didn't look like myself at all."
 Smiles-"Well, old man, you ought to consider that very delicate compli- ment."-Journal of Education. Asking an Impossibirty At tho | door-sMarie this is the fifth time l I've asked you to come and let me in."
 "Well, heard you. Say it again aud then sing it."
 "Can't, ain't got the key.'-Bing- hamton Republican.
 "Been writing any poetry lately, old manp"
 "No, not for a month or so."
 "What is the matter?"
 sI read in all the newspapers that Browning was unquestioaably one of the greatest poets of this century, and I concluded I would back out. = Lowell Citizen.
 A Gush of Generosi y-One of our clergymen married a raw young fellow from the country, the other sday, and after the ceremony the youth in- quired:
 "Well, mister, how much for tho job?"
 The clergyman laughingly replied, "Oh, it is customary 10 leave that to the bridegroom"
 Gentleman (to young lady from Richmond, on the cars s)-Beg pardon, but I am physician. Your compan- ion is very pale. Is she seriously af- fected?
 Young Lady-Pa;nfully so, I assure you.
 "An aneurism, perhaps"
 "No: think his namc is Arthur Jones. ."-Richmond Recorder.
 Plantation Philosophy-Dar's mighty few promises dat hops good. De peartest boy sometimes turns out ter be de lazie , man.
 De quick man ain't illus the bes' han ter do CT piece CT work. De bes' rain comes from de slow cloud.
 Oar ain't no hope fur dc born fool. De bigger de chances yer gin him to show dat he hab got sense de mo- he will prube dat he is CT fool.
 Eight men outen ten is sorter 'clined ter be hippercrits, not so much 'case da wants ter be, but case da thinks dat ebery body else is am dat da mus keep up wid de times.
 1 doan like the man what passes mo in de road widout speakin'. De dog dat won't neider growl Nur wag his tail ain't no a'rthly CT connt.-Arkan- saw Traveller.
 "I was coming mp from ,he depot," he was explaining to police officer yesterday, "coIning up from the depot with my s50 ovcrcoat on my arm, when feller runs agin me. 1 wasn't to blame, but he called me chump and slouch and a haysecd, and added that he would lick me for . cent. We'll, you know, I didn't want any fuss, but second feller comes up and says to me, You go fur him and shat ter his system. He's an awful coward and is just bluffing.'"
 "I s-e," unused the officer.
 "With that the man took my over- coat to give me free swing, and | hauled of to smash No. 1. He began to back off and apologize, and when let up on him the o;h.r man and my $50 overcoat had disappear ed."
 "Put up job," observed the officer.
 "Wnl ever see my coat again?"
 "Probably not"
 "What's best for me to do-go tear ing around and give it away that was played, or walk around serenely and try and look innoccnt?" "1ts for you to say"
 ..WelI, I'll adopt the latter course, and if you should meet mo anywhere and there is any ono around, d n't say a word about the coat. Just ask mo if we had lots of rain and mud ii our |