The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-07-26
READS RIVAL PASTORS.
REV. HOBBS AND HIS TROUBLE
WITH BROTHER sTRAwFOOT.

1
No one in the far-removedJau rugged
community of Postum Trot was better
known or more highly respected than Old
| Cado Minks. He had never held Office had
never killed any one, had never been direc-
tor general at the hanging of a horse thief,
and had never ATTEMPTED any sort of social
reform, end yet he was placed upon a high
hill of esteem. But there was a reason for
this Old Cado owned distillery. He
made the blazing apple brandy and the
colorless whisky known as the white
mule, aud in that community money may
be respected as a kind of side show, but
whisky is the circus. A wreath Of tender
regard may surround a fast horse but a
chaplet of love is placed upon the brow of
flicker" No wonder, then. that Cd Cado
held so warm place in the hearts of his
countrymen.
One day the neighborhood was profoundly
| stirred upon learning that Cado's wife was
dead. What a positive joy 1t was for the
women that went TO the house to offer their
! assistance; what a pleasure it was to the
men that stood about whit ling The rail
fence and casting anxious glances toward
| the house to see If Cado was coming with
| the jug.
When the time for the funeral came there
| arrived two important characters, Parsons
Hobbs and Strawfoot. They were not of
the conventional cloth. having merely
taken out exhorters' licenses from the
| county court. which granted the privilege
OF "whooping it up" at camp-meetings, but
| also giving them the right, upon pinch, to
preach funeral sermons.
Hobbs was short and fat; Strawfoot was
tall and lean. Hobbs beloved when he
talked; Strawfoot wheezed like a dry
pump.
What did you come here for!" Hobbs
asked, turning to Strawfoot.
Il come here to preach this here funeral"
Strawfoot answered.
wall, now, you may preach all you
want, but you sSan't put in your hooks
until l get through"
We'll see about that. i come here to
preach this here sermon an I'm goin' to do
1t or see mighty plain reason why writ up
on the wall"
20, don't you fret about the reason. 1t
will be writIplain enough"
. That mout be. but you KANT write it,"
Il reckon kin. for | have writ a good
many things in my time. I've writ things
that would make you bat yo' eyes"
Come Parsons" said an old man, leav-
ing of his whiting and addressing the ex-
horters, don't git into a lower here Old
Cado is sore afflicted, an it will tech him
nightly in the quick to see you quarrelin
as to who shall preach his wife's funeral 1t
don't make no difference who breaches it so
it's preached, an l reck n one of you kin
preach it as well as the other Hush, now,
all hands, here comes Cado v it'll the Jug"
The old distiller gave each eager man a
drink, aud then, as he placed the Jug under
a tree remarked:
Il lowed to myself just now that hearn
somebody jowerin'"
YES" Hobbs answered, sit war Straw
FOOT
beg yo' pardon" said Strawfoot: sit
war you. Brother Cado, | come here to
preach yo' wife'S funeral, but this Teller
lows l shan't"
Let him talk as much as he pleases,
Brother Cado," Hobbs rejoined, but let me
tell you that | come here to preach that
thar funeral, an Pm goin' to do it or
feathers will fly around here like snow
flakes in the month of Jinnywerry. | have
had my eye on the dear deceased ever since
she tuck bad cold last fall, an now |
don't propose TO be cheated by no fly I'D the
creek"
What was that you called meF'
u didn't call you nothin', but / stand
here tiat-footed an say that amt goin' to
be beat out of my jest rights by no fly-up-
the-creek. That's what | say. You can't
preach no how"
:. The deuce can't. I'll leave it to the
crowd II can't preach all round you, three
times out Of fo'."
''Shucks, feler, kin preach the socks
often YOU"
"Ah, but you didn't do it down at the
spout spring. | fotch up three mourners
an you didn't git none"
"Oh, yes, YOU got three, but who was
theyf One was yo' son-in-law an the other
two was fellers that are courtin' yo' gals,
al n n hot
iaw-and a wus knockkneed human critter
never seen-a side of bacon to go up"
"HoP on now, Parsons" said Cado, sit
don't make no diffunce who breaches the
funeral. Both of you kin preach well
enough and marry one of you kin preach to
hurt, so what is the use of mowlin' about it.
To tell you both the honest truth, | think
it's Ticker you want, which l am puffeckly
willln' to give, SO that the one that will
agree not to preach may have this here
Jug"
Both men made lunge for the Jug
Hold on there!n exclaimed Hobbs.
"You air goin' to preach the funeral
mo, you air. cried Strawfoot lyon
have been intendin' to do it longer than
have. Gimme this Ticker"
won't do it, for it's mine. l KANT
preach as well as you kin, an you know it. "
80 yes you kin. You kin preach me
bald-headed any day. Turn loose this Jug. y
Hold on now, parsons-leSt wait mint
This amt no way to act on such an occa-
sion. l jest wanted to find out the best
preacher, SO | KIN git him to do the work.
for toe man that do preach the word over
my wife is goin' to git TO- gallons Of the
best ticker I've got"
I'm the best!" yelled Hobbs, turning
loose the jug.
mo he ain'tm howled Strawfoot.
Thar it is again." said the old man. eve
amt no closer TO a settlement than we was
at fust | know it's mighty odd thing to
do at a funeral, but I've got proposition
to make. Now, l like both of YOU about
the same and want to do the far thing. How
air you on the rassle"
What do you mean by that?" Strawfoot
asked.
why, Imean to give this funeral to the
man that kin fling the other one down the
best three outen fve."
But the folks would all declar us
heathens if we was to do SIGH thing. y
Hobbs protested.
IAN right, then. Let Strawfoot do the
preachin'."
mo, | won't agree to that"
wall, then you'll halter rassle."
81 amt no rassler," said Strawfoot. "I
kin run putty peart, but never could rassle
to do no good
"All right. then. You'll halter let Hobbs
do the preachin' an git the Ticker"
mo. [ won't agree to that