Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-09-25
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Neighborly Growl-Making Five
Cents Go a Long Way-It Was
Not Hobby, Etc, Etc.
UNDOUBTEDLY.
Johnny-Did the ancient knights use
to wear shoes made Of iron9
Papa-Yes, my son.
Johnny-Well, suppose it was then
that men first 'felt the iron entering
their soes."
NEIGHBoRLY GRoWL.
Mr.. Gordon Settaire (angrily)- That
dog of yours is barking all night
Mr.. Onderschod-So is yours.
Mr.. Gordon Settaire-Well, I've got
used to mine.-[Puck.
NO wooDPILE IN HIS.
First Wanderer-Why does some kind
hearted people spoil their charities, Bill,
by forgettin' that the poor has feelin'sa
Second Ditto-I dunno, jim; but
many on 'em does it. / was offered the
finest breakfast y'ever seen this mornin',
but wood-pile went with it. l had ter
say no. Bazaar.
INsULTED.
Dicky (entering the club in state of
great agitation)-Oh!
Chorus of clubmen-What's the mat
ter2
Dicky--A wiotous fellow on the street
insulted me.
Chorus-What did he do2
Dicky-He-he looked at me.
Chorus-Call the police. Life.
IN A JEwELRY STORE.
"Huhm exclaimed in disgust the watch
to the hall clock, ''you think because
you are tall and have handsome face
that you can run me down."
'Do not set me going" angrily re-
piled the clock; "you had better wind
up your nonsense, for | am dangerous
when l strike"
And the Jurgensen stopped. Jewel
ers' Circular
AN EXPENSIVE JOKE.
"Mrs. Boggs," said Boggs in hesita-
ting way, while he and his wife were
eating dinner 'If felt sure that you
could keep thing to yourself, and not
breathe it to any living person."
''Oh, don't keep me waiting all day,
now," said Mrs. Boggs. ''What is it9"
II was going to offer you one of these
raw onions" said Boggs, but she was
too mad to take anything less that so.
-[Detroit Free Press.
POOR PEACH TREE.
City Boarder Quitting his host at case
How may peaches did this tree have OIL
this year4
Farmer-Nary one.
City What, not single one
(sportively) what kind of a tree is this
Farmer-Plum.- Munsey.
TWO OF KIND.
Mrs. Welloff- That is splendid charge
you are riding, Mr.. Poorbody.
Mr.. Poorbody (who has spent hi
weeks wages for an airing through tn,
k)-H'm-er-yes. Something lik
the livery man of whom | hired him.
LSmith, Gray & Co.'S Monthly.
MAKING FIVE CENTS GO long WAY.
Philanthropist-Yo asked me for
nickel to get something to eat with.
gave it to you, and here you are drinking
a glass of beer
Tramp-Yes; but wait until you SCI
me get at the lunch counter Chatter.
FORCE OF HABIT.
Harry-Dearest, love you better than
any one on earth. If you will consen
to be mine l will be your humble slave
until death calls me hence. My heart il
wholly yours. love you distractedly
If this does not satisfy you of my devo
ton, what will2
Dearest-Cash
She was a saleslady, and the word
came to her ruby lips by force of habit
But it came like cruel blow, and Harry
with a great gulp of sorrow, turned
away and went out into the silent night
to tell his griefs to the cold, unfeeline
stars in the ebon vault above Boston
Transcript.
BUT OTHERS HAD.
He--You are the only girl 1 eve
loved.
She-And you are the only man eve
gave my heart to.
He-I am not good enough for you.
She-Please don't say that. am tiret
of those words.
He-Why never used them before
She-No-not you.- Yankee Blade
THEY DID NOT WAIT ANY LONGER.
Two lone maids spake: "Let's call our
selves
AS Time and Tide this year.
They wait, tits said, for no man, and
Behold no man is here.n
philadelphia Times.
THE SERVANTS PLACE.
az don't believe in allowing domestics
to get the upper hand. made my serv-
ant keep her place!"
"You are lucky. Ours never does for
more than three weeks. - American
Grocer.
CAREFUL OF HIS TROUSERS.
! Miss Cashley-You have dropped your
handkerchief on the floor, Mr.. Van
Dudekin.
Van Dudekin preparing to get on his
knees)-I did it with a purpose, dear
Miss Cashley-er-Edith, l love you;