The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1890-10-10
NOfes BY the Way.

and commented upon while the persons
good qualities and virtues are unnoticed,
or at most receive faint praise. How
often We hear the remark, Mr.. So and So
would be a really nice man il it were not
for such a thing.
1t seems then that we are always look
ing for and bringing into prominence all
the little defects to overshadow the better
qualities. Let us rather look for and APP
preciate what is good in our associates, and
let the defects pass UNDECIDED by, for none
are perfect and We may not know how con-
%scious, how painfully conscious our friends
may be of these same defects, or how hard
aud persistently they struggle to overcome
these things"
The above was recently given us to read
bg a friend 'as is a friend, and OF course
the first question that presented itself was,
are We thus c~ritical? Believing in honest
confessions, the answer came, we may
be, but how conscious, how painfully
conscious we may be of this same de-
feet" and how hard and persistent may
be the struggle to overcome this thing"
Did we accuse this friend of bringing into
prominence a defect which might oyershad-
ow our better qualities, if they are ours?
No, we can truly say, no, we did not thus
accuse, but rather it seemed to strike us
this friend was interested in our best well
fare; best, because giving us this gentle re-
minder of wherein a prominent fault lies.
And if we can only learn to c~riticise and
accept criticism to sell truthfully and
interestedly, we believe there need be left
no unpleasant Judgement of it in the hu-
man heart, but it rather seems this kindly
criticism only shows that our friends are
really interested IN our behalf. And, un-
less a criticism is kindly and meant for
our best good all we have to do is to throw
it over our shoulder and led it lodge in
'some vast wilderness where it will in a
few days be known no more, for il we are
innocent oil the charge the Judgement does
not remain.
Then, we would ask. Why is it the
slight mistake is noticed inc commented
upon?' Is it not because this same mis-
take is not in keeping with other virtues
which may be ours, virtues which have
drawn dear and true friends to our side?
As we have recently quoted, from 1.-The
Faith that makes Faithful" 'To have a
true friend one must love Truth and Right
better than he loves that friend. To win
a tue friend, you and | must love Truth
and Right better than that friend, however
dear This being so, as We must admit,
is it then true valor to let the defects in
those we love pass unheeded by? would ii
not be more prudent, more friendly, more
outstanding to let our friends know we
are not blind to their defects, and use
our best efforts to help them to overcome
them?
To be sure, there would have to be much
tact used in this respect, and unless we
were on sufficiently friendly terms with
those whom we would benefit by oul
superior (?) wisdom, it were better to let
the defects pass UNDECIDED by, unless we
were given an opportunity of speaking OF
these errors Ill a general way, so that none
might have any just reason to take offence.
From "Friendship IN Calamity" a
recent editorial in the Public Ledger, We
quote the following:
''There are many who would scorn to
forsake a friend because he was in trouble,
who would, indeed. cling closer to him on
that account. yet who, from various causes,
fail TO make their friendship what ii
might become. = y Some kindly ma
tured persons pour out their sympathy in
unstinted measure; they mingle their
tears freely with those of the sufferer, and
share fully in his indignation at the SIP
posed source of his trouble, and confirm
him in whatever view lie takes of it. Now.
while this indiscriminate sympathy may be
sweet and comforting for the moment, its
after effects are not helpful, 1t rather
tends 10 increase than to allay the
pain, and to weaken than to strengthen
the mind. There is nothing wholesome or
tonic in its nature, and, while we prize
the tender feeling, we must condemn the
feebleness of purpose. = = Truesympa-
thy is always humble; it bows in reverence
before sorrow and shrinks from rudely
touching the aching heart. Still there is
something to 10 more than merely TO
Express sympathy. Nearly always some
real help is possible, and to discover what
that is and to extend it, simple and gener-
ously, is the task of every one who wishes
to be a friend in time of trouble"
But, through this long quotation, We
may be accused of having confounded
sympathy with criticism; but, we would
ask, are not these two in some respects
akin? Is not the wholesome sympathy
very nearly related to the kindly criticism?
II this spirit of critical examination
is an inheritance of any of US, as we doubt
not that it Is, We believe it is born through
a too enthusiastic desire, perhaps, ''to lift
the fallen and to save others from falling
or in other words to help to lift all those
with whom we are ''marching onward to
Zion" to a higher plane of living, and in
thus helping, they IN turn may help us,
for we admit we are a believer. in many
respects, in ''reciprocity."