Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-23
HOW TO SAY THINGS.
Emma Y. Sheridan's Hints for Girls
Who Wish to Learn to Talk.
THE TONGUE ONLY DOES A PART.
Thoughts May Flow Out of Silence or
Dance From the Finger Tips.
DISTRACTING TRAITS OF THE MEN

the word is not only symbol of thought
but when it is spoken its sound should con
vey a suggestion of the thought. ga ros'
by any other name," of course-still, sup
pose you say, ''I have tried" The simple
saying conveys the idea of course, yet yor
can do more-you can suggest months or 1
lifetime of patient, hopeless struggle in thu
word "tried" 1t does not suffice to say {
girl is beautiful" unless your word 'beau
tiful" is given value enough to make tn'
listener at once impressed by your belief il
the quality.
Pauses are of more value in conversation
than what you say. Not the dead, fat
hopeless pause that settles down when two
people, who long ago ran out of ideas
finally run out of words; not the distressful
gap in talk, avoided if possible, and wher
taking place ignored as something which
should never have occurred in successful
talking; not the pause that makes the girl
berate herself for failing to entertain and
the man wish himself dead-but an inten.
tional pause. Those unfortunate failures in
dribble of conversation are very different
from the pauses that come to give value to
what has been sailor to what you are
going to say.
WITHOUT AND WITH A PAUSE.
Ifa man asks you a question-"Whyd do
you wear violets?''-it is mere folly to an
swer because like them" A pause while
your eyes rest on the flowers you wear-a
lift of your glance to him, a little smile
then "Because-I-like them" and you
have made a remark that means something.
You may not be very clear about what it
means yourself. One often isn't-but il
certainly conveys suggestion enough to start
a conversation. If your opinion is asked
and you say II think" and then do some
thing or take enough time 10 do so and
finally say what you are supposed to have
thought in the time you took, your opinion
goes ior something.
OF course all these points will not help
you unless you remember always to study
the person with YOU. A woman should be
able to arouse interest by half a dozen SELL
tences; I don't mean sentimental interest,
particularly, but she should suggest per-
sonality, the better knowing of which or the
study of which seems to the person to whom
she speaks matter of interest. She should
be able to flavor an acquaintanceship, a
mpanionship, or q filtration with those
little bits of golden time when nothing is
said, but much felt. This can only be ac-
by learning the value of pause
of q look, of movement with one word or
two whose meaning shall be made clear for
the person to whom it is said, by the tone
that voices it. l am not advising hypocrisy
or affectation. In these times women must
be able to entertain. The days are past
when to be fairly good looking and good
housewife were enough to secure husband,
and when the securing of that prize was the
important thing in life.
BRAINS NECESSARY NOW.
To be fair housewife or an expert one,
even, may be recommendation, and may
in some emergencies prove a graceful
weapon Of attractiyeness; but the average
girl now must depend upon her ballroom
skill and her summer tact. Moreover, the
aim is not so directly husband nowadays
A girl must make successful season, she
must receive the proper amount Of attention,
she must even count respectable number
Of proposals. To accomplish this she needs
brains, and lot of them. She must be
equal to any emergency, mistress of herself
and Of the situation always; she must be
able at will to arouse anyone's interest in
her, and to keep that interest at just the
,om Portable conventional point that she
desires. She must be able to make each
nan feel that he is of special value to her,
md yet not incur the reproach of leading
men on or of insincerity.
To be chatterbox, to laugh great deal,
% convey by jerks and vivaciousness an
Impression of being very young, very
and very full of fun, seems to
,e the average girls method. 1t is very
wearing on her, and after the enthusiasm Of
he beginning of the season is over, it all
,egins to ring false, and the girls manner
,ets strained, her eyes restless and anxious,
md her voice horribly artificial. Avoid
his. Study people always, and turn to
hem that side of your nature which their
aste will approve. Meet them on their own
round first. it will then be easy enough to
cad them, ii you wish, to your ground. The
most dignifed man in the world will dash
lpstairs three steps at a time to get girls
hawl or carry a message for her, If the girl
wishes it and has managed him skilltully.
The need not be misleading him either. She
5 simply securing for herself that outward
nd visible sign of success which homage is
0 society girl.
NO MATTER THE MAN.
1t is no excuse that the man you are try
ng to entertain is a co1comb and half a
oose. Many men are. A little serious
of his ideas, such as they are,
bit of gentle appreciation of his vagaries,
nd he is your slave, or else SO muddled mp
s to what YOU are and what you
1ink of him that, if you are not
are.ul, he will bore you to death by trying
, find out. 1t is no excuse that the man to |
HON you are talking IS a confirmed firt |
nd unable to say two consecutive sentences |
with idiotic compliments. |
axe him either philosoDhically or dead in
irnest and you will startle him into some |
hing like common sense as we'll as a large |
zed regard for yourself, expressed by ''By |
owe! A great girl?'
You begin to see that IS rather science
lis business OF being attractive-especially
women who have no other business. The
rl who is hard at work at something,
hose lille throws her in contact with many
en- and women, who learns a good deal of
fe yet keeps her heart warm and her wits
ady, is by all this equipped as the average
ciety girl cannot be. The society girl
ust think it out and study these other
omen. On the stage is the safest place to
so, for on the stage no movements are
ade that do not mean something, either a
of character, an expression of
dividuality, or an accompaniment of
eech which is as Ineligible as are the
ords. On the stage, no matter how ex-
ting the scene, how genuinely played, the
iined actress is always aided by her train
look graceful. On the stage words get
cir full value, and voice modulation gives
Gaming to speech.
FEW DISTRACTIONS BESIDES MEN.
Un 'ortunately lite offers the average girl
" distractions besides men, who certainly
e distracting. Men can go out in the
'rld, fight in wars, build bridges, find the
orth Pole or make ior themselves king
ms. Women must stay at home, fight in
rlors, build dirtations, find what is harder
find than the North Pole, their own heart.
d take chances on queendoms. Love is
: poorest plaything lie gives to a woman
tn which to amhse herself. As human