Dodge City times., 1890-11-07

Jinks-"Hunsrys Q bear"
Miss De Pfstsy-"Lst's form . ssuss 90
ciety."
Miss De Pink-sTet's. Just like ths Odd
Fellows, and Red Man. Call it the Ancient
Order of-of Kinss' Denghtsrs"
Mss De Dloud-'Or ths Anciat Order
Of Dianas."
Mis- De Yoens-''orths:Andsns Order Of
American"
Miss Oldmaid-''Oh, don't lets call b ths
Ancient Order of anything."
SheA"I could have married either Whip
per or Snapper if I'd wanted to, and both
of those men whom I refused have since got
Ich, while you arc sill - poor - church
mouse"
He: "Of course I've been surDortine you
all these yearA They haysa't"
SOMETIMES writes correspondent
of 3 trade paper, II have had to make
holes in steel that was too hard to cut
easily. Then I make . mixture that
will cut hole Imix ono ounce Of sui
phate of copper, quarter Of an ounce OF
alum. half . tesspoonful Of powdered
salt, gill Of vinegar and twenty drops
Of nitric acid. Thia will make . hole.
Proud Mother-"At last, my dear, your
education is finished, and you have diplomas
from the highest seats oflearning ths world !"
Cultured Daughter (wesrily)-"Yss, and
now I'm too old to marry"
The worlds stock Of diamonds has
increased enormously in the last fifteen
years. In 1876 the output Of the Afri-
can mines was about ]. .6O0. 900 carats,
last year it was over 4, 4,O0O. 900. and the
great trust" which controls al the
principal mines assert that they have
16. OOO,0 carats in sight ct the
present time.
TIE Associated Press has given in
structions to its telegraph operators to
learn the manipulation Of the type
writer, as it is found that the instru-
ment materially increases the speed oi
receiving messages.
What is afOot nowp asked an ac-
quaintance of reporter who was rush
ing to the office. Twelve inches still, y
said the scribe, as he shot out of sight.
BREECHEs of promise-Tronsers got
on credit.
Counsel (badgering a witnee)t@Re-
member, sir, that you are on oath"
Witness" Yes, sir" Counsel-"Now
what-did-you-do-when-as-you--
say-the-prisoner- threw -a-beer-
glass-at-youY Witness" I dod-
gedp
FOUL poisons that accumulate in the
blood and rot the machinery OF the sys-
tenn, are eradicated and expelled by using
PrickIy Ash Bitters, a medicine that VIII
not irritate the stomach or bowels. 1t acts
in gentle manner on these delicate organs
and restores health in every case.
"What is that big iron thing full of
holes?" "a locomotive boiler" said
Tom. Laural oOked thoughtful. At
ter moments sileuce she asked: "Why
do they boil locomotive" Tom looked
amazed. "TO make them tender, he
said, slowly.
HoWsS Thi0i
We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case Of CGtarrh that can not be
cured by taking Halls Catarrh Cure
F.J. CHENEY & Co, Props, Toledo, U.
We, the undersigned, have known +. ].
Cheney for the last fifteen years, and believe
him perfectly honorable in all business
transactions, and financially able to carry
out any obligations made by their firm.
West & Truax, W holesale Druggists, ,TCiedo.
Walding, Kinnan Il Marvin, wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, Ohio.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
acting directly on the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system. Testimonials free
Price, 75c per bottle. Sold by all DruggistA
Little Lucy, running into the parlor
where her mother was entertaining
her daughter Mary,s beau until Miss
Mary could complete her toilet and
come down, cried out: o! mamma.
Johnny is dot Mary's, teef and won't
give 'em to her.
TIE best cough medicine IL Piso's Cure
TOR Consumption. Sold everywhere. 80
Simmer Girl-That Mr.. De Salti
doesn't talk about anything but the sea
and he uses 80 many sailor terms that
[ can't understand half he says. Does
be own a ship? Landsman-No, but
be has q friend who owns cat boat.