The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1890-07-04
THE COMIC MAN GETS A SLAP.

!
death, and buried at an early period of
his career, but upon the stage they put
up with him.
She sits on the table and smokes a
cigarette. A cigarette on the stage is
always the badge Of infamy.. 80
, In real life the cigarette. is usually
the hall-unark of the particularly mild
and harmless individual. 1t is the dis
sipation of the Y. Nj. c. A.; the inno-
cent Joy of the pure-hearted boy, long
ere the demoralizing influence of our
vaunted civilization has dragged him
down to the depths of the short clay.
But behind the cigarette, on the stage,
turks every black-hearted villany and
abandoned womanhood. .ssft
The adventures is generally o. for
e:gn extraction. They do not make bad
women in England, the article is en-
tirely of continental manufacture, and
has to be imported.
All bad characters die quickly on the
stage. Good characters take a long
time over it and have a sofa down in
the drawingroom to do it on, and have
sobbing relatives and good old doctors
fooling around them, and can smile and
forgive every body. Bad stage char
acters have to do the whole job, dying,
speech and all, in about ten seconds,
do it with all their clothes on into the
bargain, which must make it most un-
comfortable. 1t is repentance that
kills off the bad people in plays. They
always repent, and the moment they
repent they die. Repentance on tho
stage seems to be one of the most
dangerous things man can be taken
with. Our advice to stage wicked
people would undoubtedly be, ''Never
repent. If you value your life, don't
repent. 1t always means sudden DEATH"
To give an idea of how the comic
lovers WOO, we, perhaps, can not do bet
ter than subjoin the following brief ex-
ample:
Scene: Main thoroughfare in populous
district of London. Time: Noon. Not
soul to be seen any where.
Enter comic loveress r., walking in
the middle of the road. ArlA
Enter comic lover L., also walking in
the middle of the road. .
They neither see the other one until
they bump against each other in the
center.
He-Why, Jane! Who'd thought o.
meeting you here! ..,,-..
She-You evidently didn't-stoopid.
r He-Helloa! got out of bed the wrong
side again. / say, Jane, if you go on
like that, you'll never, get man to
marry YOU. = A35 Z ttHtN EF&NAI
She-So thought, when 1 engaged
myself to you.
He-Oh, Jane, don't be hard.
She-Well, one of US must be hard.
You're soft enough.
He-Yes, l shouldn't want to marry
you if weren't. Hal he! ha!
She-Oh, you givvering idiot (said
archly).
He-So glad l am. We shall make
a capital match attempts to kiss herr.
She Slipping awayl-Yes, and you'll
find I'm a match that can strike
Cfetches him a violent blow over the
side of the head. 4 % III
He-(holding his jaw-in literal
sense, we mean)-1 can't help feeling
smitten by her.
She-Yes, I'm a bit of a spanker,
amt 1? .... IT S.'.t
He-Spanker! I call you a regular
sumner. You've nearly made me
silly. ..
She Laughing playfully)-No, nat
ure did that for you, Joe, long ago.
He-Ah, we'll, you've made me
smart enough now. You bosseyed old
COW, you! n
She = Cow! am, I2~ Ah,0 suppose
that's what makes me SO fond of calf
You German sausage on legs! You. 81
He-Go along. Your mother brought !
you up on sour milk.
She-Yah! They weaned you on
thistles, didn't they?
And so on, with such like badinage do
they hang about in the middle of that
road, showering derision and contumely
upon each other for full ten minutes,
when, with one eliminating burst of |
mutual abuse, they go off together fight
ing, and the street is left once more de-
serted. E.rT n F3F