Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-09-25

Ieacher-ln what battle was Stonewall
jackson mortally wounded2
Pupil-Dunno-I guess it was the last
one he fought in.-[The Epoch.
AN OBVIOUS CASE.
Police Justice-What's the charge
against this mani
Officer Rafferty, (who made the arresD
-Xagrancy.
Police Justice-But why did you ar
rest man on such a charge when he
carries on business right here in the
block2
Officer Rafferty-I took him at his own
word, your Honor. When l asked him
to buy a ticket to our charity ball game,
he said he hadn'ta cent.-[Puck.
SHE OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN.
go, Mabel, have you seen the latest
thing in spoons?'
mo, Amy; what is it9"
'1ce cream."-[West Shore.
Stern Patterson, l gave you three
hundred dollars month ago, and now it
is gone; how did you spend it9
Son (refecting on his recent jilt by
summer girl-I-I fear it has all been
Miss-spent.-[ Chatter.
A TRIUMPH OF ART.
''There is one very dramatic situation
in my new play. 1t is where the mort
khn al =,
the hero can't pay it off,"
''Does it affect the audience much2"
"Oh, my! Why, last night million
aire in one of the boxes was so affected
that he wrote out check for $40, 900,
and sent it up to pay off the mortgage
and get the hero out of difficulties. y
New York Sun.
THE WAY THE WIND BLEW.
Teacher (after explaining the points of
the compass)-Johnny, step to the win
dow and tell me if smoke is coming from
any of the chimneys.
Johnnie (at the window)-Yes, marin.
Teacher-Now, tell me which way the
wind is blowing.
Johnnie - Perpendicular. - Boston
Herald.
HEAVY WEIGHT ON TOP.
Mrs. Younghusband Quitting the fash
ionable stringless scrap on her head)-
Why, really, don't see what will keep
this bonnet on
Mr.. Younghusband Shopping with
her, glancing at the ticket)-The price,
l think, darling. 81 Harper's Bazaar.
ROOF OVER HIM.
"Johnny, you shouldn't run out in the
rain without your hat on"
Mamma, my head can't get wet; I've
had it shingled."
JUMPERS ARE ATHLETES.
"What makes you think that Miss
Ophelia is an athlete?" added Mr..
Keedick.
"Why, I don't know that I ever said
she was, +" replied Mrs. Keedick.
"Well, you said she'd jump at
chance to get married. ."-[ Chicago Inter-
Ocean.
ANTICIPATING REQUEST.
Borrowby-How are you feeling to-
day, financially?
Cashby-Very poorly. Not able to
stand loan.
HOW THEY GOT RICH.
She-I could have married either
Whipper or Snapper if I'd wanted to, and
both of those men whom refused have
since got rich, whileyou are still as poor
as church mouse.
He-Of course. I've been supporting
you all these years. They haven't.
TO SAY 'No" NOT PROPER.
"Ah, my lady, if were to ask you for
your heart and hand, do you think you
would say 'no'?"
''I'm sure wouldn't, because even as
little girl I was taught that to answer
questions with plain mo- was very un-
mannerly indeed. .n-[ From the German
THE CUSTOM OFFICIALS FIND THEM.
Cholly-It is impossible to smuggle
English clothes.
Chappie-Deah me! How's that?
Cholly-They're so loud fellow cawnt
hide them [Munsey's Weekly.
AMBIGUOUS.
Young Whipper-I would like to have
your daughter for my wife.
Old Snapper-Indeed; and what does
your wife want of her9- Puck.
BAD PLACE TO SHOUT.
Jack-What were you doing in Ken
tucky9
Tom-Hunting moonshiners.
Jack-I didn't see anything in the
papers about you.
Toni should hope not. 4 fellow
must keep quiet on still hunt. Howell
Citizen.
LABOR NOTE.
Walking Delegate fondly)-My dar-
ling, you know lloye you-shall we make
it a tie-up2
Walking Delegates Lady Love (frmly)
Yes, Martin--but if you don't come in
early nights after we are married there
will be lockout. -TWestborough