Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-31
RUNNING A rABLEAu.

The belle of the hotel Through her moth
er as mediator) volunteered to take part.
There were nine of her, and would have
been more If had not stuck up notice in
the Office saying that the entries for that
event were closed The next day was ap-
preached by Mrs. A., mother OF Miss Birdie
Zone of the nine). Mrs. A. tapped me play
ully ON the arm with her fan and inquired
what was going to DO with her Birdie.
came very near saying that didn't see
what anybody could do with her, but by
great self-control 1 limited myself to a mild
inquiry as to what Brides mother wanted
me to do with her. 1t did not take me long
to discover that the old lady wanted her
Birdie to perch higher than any other In the
tableau. I scented danger, and promised
only that would give the subject the con-
sideration it deserved.
81 need not tell a person Of your fine
artistic sense" said Mrs. A., that Birdie
Is the only girl in this hotel who can fill
position OF prominence in a tsbleau. Ionly
wish to inquire whether you had chosen
your subject. And, by the way, UNDER
stand that the expenses are TO be betrayed
by the ladies. Allow me to put whatever
sum you think necessary at your disposal.
But you must promise me about Birdie"
OPENING A GOLD MINE.
"My dear madam" said I, cit has ap-
peared to me necessary from the nature Of
the subject--which must Keep secret for
the present-to give perhaps the most prom
inent position to Miss B.
"Ohl you can't think Of it." cried Mrs.
A., holding up her hands IN horror, ''mY
dear sir, she has been fading steadily for
the last ten seasons. Poor girl; I pity her.
Under these circumstances 1 must withhold
- 81 -
OF course had no idea of losing her sub
scription. I had figured the expenses of
the affair very carefully, and had arranged
to conceal my board bill and a few other
trifies among them when the account was
rendered.
Il don't see how can promise about
Birdie" said I, with hesitation.
"II you only won't let Betty B. have the
best place. I'll subscribe DOUBLE" said
Mrs. a.
Madam" said !, you may have my
word OF honor upon it."
Sc she took my word, and took her sub
scription. Within 10 minutes I was ap-
preached by Mrs. B.
WORKED LIKE A CHARM.
'I need not tell man OF your extraor-
dinary good taste" said she, that my dsugh-
ter Betty"
MADAM" said I, ''all that you would
say has already occurred to me, but the
nature Of the subject points with an unerr-
ing aim to Miss Birdie A."
thought Mrs. B. was going to faint, and,
as she weighed over 200 pounds, the mo-
ment was full Of terrible anticipations. But
she recovered her com mposure, and told me
that ii would keep Birdie out o. first place
she would bear the whole expense Of the
affair herself 1 accepted her proposition.
In the course of the day encountered all
the ladies whose daughters were to appear.
They all complimented me on my exquisite
artistic taste in all matters connected with
tabeaux; and they all ended with bribery.
After these interviews I was somewhat
shocked to reflect that 1 had solemnly
promised to keep every blessed girl in the
list in some subordinate position.
NINE BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.
This was not easy, for in tableau some
person has to shine with especial efulgence.
After mature deliberation decided that
was the person in this particular case, and
constructed a tableau representing the
Nine Muses. at the ieet of Genius 1 fur.
nished the feet. All the lights were turned
full upon me, and the spectacle was proba-
bly, one of the most beautiful ever pre-
sented to an American audience.
The thought that had fulfilled my nine
bargains at once fell upon my conscience as
soothingly as cold cream on a sunburned
nose. However, I had to leave the house
very soon to escape the consequences of too
much lame.
Just before 1 left, asked the Landlord
what he would give me to write up the
hotel.
Write it up?" he asked.
"Yes, /" said I, ''give the facts about it."
"Do you want to kill the place?'' said he,
turning pale. HOWARD FIELDING.