Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1890-09-07
The Arizona Kicker.
rDetrcit Free Presa.l

Wa extract the following from the last
issue OF the arizona Kicker:
TSry Cor Lrrr. Feeling the need of 9
few davs' rest from brain work we he'd
ourself to Jim's Peak last week to remain
about ten days: Soon after supper 2
that The bows were planning a serenade
and that we had better have speech
ready.
In this western country some words
have double meaning. A 'serenade"
NAV mean sweet, soft music by the band,
with a call from lot of Jolly good fellows,
or il NAV mean visit from the gang who
are provided with rope but no music. In
order 10 be on the safe side we took up a
temporary home in thicket. and from
thence discovered that this was TO be
rome serenade. Some of the boys from
Johnson's ranch had determined TO lynch
rs as a great moral warning, but while
they were hunting for us Ground the hotel
we were meandering through the jack
pines and midnight darkness to safer
quarters.
In one sense. we don't blame the boys 80
much. An occasional hanging adds zest
and gusto 10 this western life, and IL IS
very rare that the victims friends can
claim that any mistake was made. In an
other sense the boys are TO be blamed tor
their lack Of taste. We have 1t on good
authority that they meant TO hang us with
an old mule chain. There were thirty OF
them in the crowd. We make no boasts.
but let our readers watch for develop
ments. Well have sheriffs and detectives
here after Mt least thirty-one of them be.
fore the week is out, ana then ne shall
borrow a shotgun and 60 on hunt after
the odd one.
SOLD AGAIN.
Our esteemed contemporary has made
another dismal failure. On Monday he
came out in q double-leaded two-column
article on tho Wharton shooting case and
tried his best to prove that we had an ac-
tive hand IN IL and were responsible for
Judge Johnson's death. At the coroner's
inquest held ON the same afternoon Major
Bliss testified:
~ was sitting at table in the Red-Cross
saloon with the editor OF the Kicker. We
were there to talk over the Mckinley bill
and TO take the initiatory steps toward es-
tablishing another Sunday school. Judge
Johnson came in. He was pretty drunk.
He saw Bob Wharton at table beyond
US and pulled his gun. The editor OF the
Kicker kindly asked him TO put 1T up. and
offered him a years subscription to the
paper to go home and take nap. The
Judge refused and pressed forward TO get
q shot. Next moment Wharton dropped
him."
This was the truth and the whole truth,
and vet our jealous-pated contemporary,
hoping he had q hold on us, tried MS
hardest to make out that but Tor us there
would have been no shooting We used
to refer to him as tootbless. knock kneed,
bow legged, lop- cared, hump backed,
white-livered. cross-eyed, and so on. We
have a mortgage on his whole OUTFIT and
we used TO threaten TO foreclose on 1t. We
used TO meet him on the street ana scare
him into kneelIng down and begging our
pardon. We now let HIM have MS own
way. Some day we will bury him IN our
private gravevard-some day when he has
tired US completely out.
THEY ARE WRONG.
Those of our citizens who are asserting
that our late trouble with the Postmaster
was caused by jealousy of bis place on our
part are doing us grave injustice. True,
we were q candidate for postmaster, and
true. also, we are O mighty sight better
man for the place than the present incum-
bent, but we are not jealous. Wanamaker
refused to appoint us and We refuse 10
wear Wanamaker's clothing. It's al even
thing thus far.
The trouble began as soon as this man
entered the post-ofice. He held back our
mail and made us weary In many other
ways. We pounded him half TO death one
day and for two months ne was model
postmaster. Then he got sassy and shot at
us. and we left bullet in his shoulder.
That lasted him until the other day. He
then got on his ear and tried to prick us
with bowis-knife, and in sheer self
defence we shot OF a part of his left ear
and banged him with tho butt of the re-
yolver. 1t was IN the interest of the whole
public. He'll be on deck in a week. and
for the next three months he'll work like
a steer and be as pleasant as peaches.