Connecticut western news., 1890-03-19
TALK OF THE DAY.

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 It requires an acute ear to hear . cough drop.
 Landlady-"How do you like your eggsp Boarder-"F "Fresh." The peal of banana has a falling infection. -Yonkers Gazette.
 The squirrel seeks warmer climb by going to the sunny side of 8 tree. An engagement is delicate thing. You can't drop one without breaking. The man with a strong mind who Is asked to mind the baby generally doesn't mind it.
 The true humorist never smiles that is, unless somebody else pays for it.
 It Is not we'll for a stranger to go alone to a bank when he wishes to get loan.
 The Washington Star thinks it is ''love and liquor that makes the world go round."
 After the proposal-And do you love him, child? Love him, mammal I've seen his bank book. While the true Amerlcan does not believe in king he will bet his last cent on four of them.
 The less pair of lovers have to say. when sitting up O nights, the lon ger it takes them to say it.
 Two of the wealthiest men in tho west are said to have been messenger boys. It pays to go slow, after all. People who are perpetually preach ing that honesty is the best policy do not always keep their policies paid up.
 "The plot thickens," as Fogg re- marked when he sank ankle deep in the mud on the site of his late kitchen garden. -
 Teacher: "James had sixteen ap- ples and ate ffteen." Small boy in men, tai arithmetic: "How in thunder did he do itp''
 Dignity is good thing; but if you're in the rear of biz crowd. and wish to see the procession, don't stand on it. Get on barrel.-Puck.
 An item on etiquette says: "Do not smack your lips at the dinner table" It might have added that 1t is not dc rlgueur to smack other peoples lips there, either.
 Little Miss Fanny: "I say, Bob, can you tell me what widower isP" Master Bob (aged 8: Don't know, | Fanny, unless it's tho husband of a widow."-Judge.
 Minister Qo choir leader)-"I see you have dispensed with MT. Deep. tone's services" Choir leader-"Yes, sir; thought a change of base desir- able."-Pittsburg Chronicle. Dalkins-I hear you are going to you decided on the policy of itp Ink sum-Yes. It is going to be aItoeeth- CT about men.-Town Topics.
 The imperfect simile-..I am like a tree." he observed, as the clock struck II. II am rooted at your side" "Yes. but you never leave, do youT' said the maiden, sweetly. And then he put forth.'
 "Brother do you not feel concerned for your soulP" asked the deeply sim replied Farmer Fifewheat, ''ef tho gosh blame uppers don't gin out on 1 me-"
 Prisoner at the bar." said North Dakota judge. ''your offense deserves to be punished by the state with term of ten years in prison; but as the state is very hard up at present will give you only five years"
 An American editor incautiously signed his name to a typewriter testl- | writer is 8 splendid companion for @ busy editor." The decree for divorce has not been granted, but 1t Is pending.
 Boss-''This makes the third day now that you haven't shiued my de house, sah." Why didn't l you tell M me beforep" "Bel1ase was afreed you mout buy a box. "--Texas Siftings.
 Mean business man-Seems to mo | you take a good while for lunch. You've been gone an hour and a half, | and yet restaurants are as thick as hops about here. Poorl y-paid clerk-l was hunting for place within my means.-New York Weekly. The peacemaker: '.Dsn't you know it is very wrong to fight, little boyP What does the good book sayP" Tom my (who has just polished of the class bully): dunno. I ain't read it no further than David an Gerlire."- Puck.
 Little sister: "Ma wants you, Sam my. Where have you beenP'' Sammy: ''Fishin'." Little sister: Ibid you catch anythingP" Sammy (sadly): ..Nothin't all" Little sister (reassur- ingly): "Oh, but you will when you get home"
 Landlord-"Sir, to you come, po- tice to give, that you have not me paid. for six months Q penny. or that not word will say, but you are to my wife love-making, and that must im- mediately to an end come next month!" German Wit
 One day Ernest had been seriously lectured by his mother, and finally sent to the yard to find switch with which he was to be punished. He TO- tuned soon and said: "I couldn't find any switch, mamma; but here's stone you may throw at me-"
 Sunday school teacher-"Now tell me what the Epistles arep" First scholar-"I dunno" Second scholar -"I does" Teacher r-"Well, John ny, what are the Epistlesp" Second scholar---"The Epistles are the wives of the Apostles. ."-America
 Anxious Wife-Doctor how Is my husband? Doctor-He will come around all right. What he needs now is quiet have here a couple of opi- ates. When shall I give them to him?" "Give them to him? They are for you. madame. Your husband needs rest"
 A man will trust his friend with his family happiness, his honor, life itself, but when he sits down to game of poker with the same friend he'll watch him-wel!, if you've ever played poker you know all about it; if you haven't it isn't necessary that you should. - Philadelphia Inquirer.
 Minnie: II had such a shock last