The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1890-09-20

feet tall That's the great thing about
him. Hc b the tallest dwarf in tho
world.
Heaven will be full OF surprises, but
none greater than when a man realizes
that all his good intentions have put no
jewel in his crown.
He (newly married. Il wish you
wouldn't call me dear while we're in
company. She-Why. Charlesi He
Because il makes me feel so cheap.
II hear you went to the art photog-
fapher's 10 get your picture taken.
How did il como out?" BADLY. IL
looks 50 much like me everybody says it's
hideous
Harold "a. b.. Harvard. 'SS)-Maude.
I love you. VIII you be my wife?
Maude "a. B.. Harvard Annex. 'SS-No
Harold, rhat can never be; but we shall
always be brothers.
Rather Broad. -Cholly-They say that
excessive coffee drinking induces soften
ing of the brain. Miss Snyder-I sup
pose you regret now that you have been
such a slave To the habit.
The Want Supplied. - Poet have
here some verses would like to submit
They are not perfect admit; perhaps
they want fire. Editor - You are
quito right, sir, fire Is what they want
Up in Maine the husbands who kick
vigorously il their wives ask them TO
carry home a package only three inches
square, will carry home big heavy
-original package" without murmur.
She (rapturously)-O what u more en-
joyable, more productive of ecstatic
bliss, than a walk on a moonlight night?
He (slyly)-I don't know, unless it's
walk on a night when there is no moon.
Husband (solemnly)-I see there is
Grape on the door opposite.
Wife, have been expecting as much.
The doctors carriage has been there
every day for a week.-[Lowell Citi-
zen.
Timely Word. Miss Coonby lat "the
party ')--Why, Mr.. Mokeby, yo's JUS
dressed up to kill. Mr.. Mokeby Feeling
his pocket) -Golly Dat jus reminds
me. Miss Juliet; Use done ler my razzer
TO home.
Too Generous Is your husband a very
generous man 2" Indeed he ia. You
remember those nice cigars gave him
for a birthday present Well. he smoked
only one and gave all the others away To
his friends. '-[Epoch.
First Editor languidly)--I saw an OK,
ccllent thing in your paper yesterday.
Second Editor with animation)-Hal
That so? One OF my editorials First
Editor-No; recipe for making lobster
salad. 1t works like charm.
knowledge is Power. - Uncle 'Rastus.
are you afraid of ghosts'" "Yessir, 1
doan' like chooses. We'll, / merely
wanted to warn you that my chicken
house was haunted (" -Haunted2 No.
sab, faint done been dar fore dis,
honey. Judge.
Mr.. Rich--I won't give anything for
that purpose. His son-in-law-Now,
come, be- generous. l never knew you
TO give anything to the poor yet. you
didn't? Well think made the great
est sacrifice OF my life to the poor when
gave you my daughter.
Mr. Jones' Business is so brisk and
correspondence accumuatos so that
fear ! shall be- Obliged 10 employ an
amanuensis. Mrs Jones-Very well,
my dear. get an amanucnsis il you must:
but l decidedly object To your having a
womanucnsis in the office.
Fenderson-Had awfully hard luck
this evening. Tried with all my might
70 say something agreeable. but couldn't
do il, somehow SO l bid them good
night and went home. Fogg-And so
you did succeed in saying something
agreeable Mt last? l congratulate you,
my boy.
When n scientific lecturer in kentucky
declared that "the amount OF water on
tho surface OF the earth has been steadily
diminishing for many thousands Of years,
n pink nosed individual on the back seat
got up and hiccoughed: We'll. colonel.
you can't (hic) blame it ON our people,
anyhow"
His Lordship-There's no lodging IL,
you know, but one does miss the influ-
ence Of leisure class over here.
She-I5ut we have leisure class.
His Lordship (suspiciously)-I haven't
mot them Who are theyl
She = Our plumbers and messenger
boys Life.
Judge-Are you guilty or not guiltyf
Prisoner-Not guilty. Judge TO wit
noss)-How much was the stolen watch
worth? Witncss-Your honor, IL was
worth $3.50 Prisoner taking tho watch
from his pocket)-That shows that he
cant ia helicvad 10 Won think thar