The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1890-08-03
WHIMS OF INVENTION.
Crazy Offspring of the Human
Brain in Patent Office.
4 CANE FOR USE IN CHURCH.
The Chicken HobbIer aud the Cow Tail
HoIder-Ths Patent Faro Box
and the Dice Spring.

wAsHssaTos CrrY, July 2s.-lCopy-
righted. I'll have spent the last week in
looking up the freaks of the patent Office.
Side by side with the greatest inventions
of the age are classed the craziest on
spring OF the human brain. Today some
mighty Edison patents an idea which
! lights the world and tomorrow some luna
tic offers plan by which all humanity
can lift themselves to Heaven by their
bootstraps. In looking through the patent
Office you are surprised at the wisdom and
the foolishness of mans intellect The
one is a. great as the other, and from the
foolish point Of view it would seem that
when an idea of patent creeps into an
inventors house, common-sense nies out
of his window. Take the department OF
canes and umbrellas. There are thou
sands of canes OF all shapes and sizes
and one of these is q cane and spittoon
combined. It Is patented by Myron l..
Baxter, OF Illinois, and IL states that the to-
bacco-chewer has only to suck the head OF
the cane, when he can sip his saliva into
it to the extent Of half pint, and that his
Iady-iove or the preacher need know MOTH
ing of it. This cane," said he, lis OF
great advantage during the continuance OF
religious services, lecture or other enter
tainments." its top is made in the shape
of adog's head, and the opening for the ex-
pectoration is made in the mouth OF the
dog. Another cane has an eyegiass ar
tached to its head. and third is so ar
ranged that the drinking man may carry
his allowance of whiskey inside OF it and
take his nip on the sly. There are cane
umbrellas, sword-canes and pistol-canes,
and canes which are so jointed that they
can be formed into the legs OF stool OF
such nature that the pedestrian can sit
down and take rest during his walk.
Some OF the greatest fortunes are made
out of patent toys and there are dozen
toy inventors who have made fortunes dur
ing the last twenty years. Among these
are Crandell, who got up the Pigs in Co
yer" puzzle; Piimpton. the man who IN
vented the roller skates: the inventor OF
the returning bali. and others. There are
perhaps 1900 toys In one division OF the
patent Office. and one of the latest and era
Eiest curiosities is doll baby which sucks
the bottle. This doll is patented by Ru-
dolph Steiner, of Germany. and it consists
of doll baby sitting on pan with bottle
filed with genuine milk on little table in
"a
the glass pipe which runs into the bottle,
and. going into the mouth OF the child.
runs down behind and through the doll
into the pan. By means OF syphon which
comes out through the dolls head machin-
cry is set 20 work by which the doll begins
to suck and the milk flows up into its
mouth and out into the pan. No sensible
mother would ever think of buying such q
I'LL t>~< 49, <-4
lest and sloppiest of amusements. Still
this man Steiner thought SO much of it
that he patented il both in Germany and
America, and he evidently expects to get
4 fortune out of it.
Another toy of much the same order Is
fhe toy COW which can be MIXED. This
COW is made of wood or metal and il has a
tank inside of il just where the bag of the
COW usually is. There are four udders
connected with this and these have little
valves in them so that by squeezing them q
certain amount of milk flows out each
time OF course the tank must first be
filed with milk and this is done through
pipe that runs up from the tank to the tail
of the cow. The inventor states tina. the
action of milking is exactly the same as
that of the real cow and he has in addition
an iron wire which connects with the jaws
OF the cow and runs back TO this tank so
that Dolly chews her cud while her teats
are being pulled.
The illuminated cat was granted pat
ent in 1854, and il is q cat Of pasteboard or
tin for the purpose of frightening rats or
mice. This cat is to be made in a sitting
posture, and il is painted over with phos-
phorus. so that it shines IN the dark like
cat of Ere. Its inventor states that it
ought to be perfumed with oil OF pepper
mint, which is obnoxious 10 rats and mice,
and that while il does serve to scare the
rodents away in the dark. it may be made
so as to form a very useful parlor orna-
ment in the DAYTIME. Another cat equally
funny Is the patent sheet-iron cat, which
is worked by clockwork, and which has a
bellows inside of it. which swells up its
tail TO the size of the maddest of felines
Ii properly set it will emit noise equal to
the widest of living midnight Thomases,
and it has in addition, steel claws and teeth.
You wind il up and place it on your roof
and set it to bowling All the cats in the
neighborhood jump for it. and its poison
claws kill every one il strikes.
There are numerous patents containing
the principle of the illuminated cat. Lum-
inous harness has been patented so that q
a horse. driven at night. looks like sheet
of chain lightning, and you think Elijah's
chariot has come TO earth again. There
are luminous match boxes and luminous
ghosts TO scare away grave robbers. The
patents to protect the dead are especially
funny. After every noted grave robbery
metallic collins come in by the scores, and
/ looked at one coffin surrounded by bars
OF wrought iron binding the casket aud ex-
tending out from it at such a distance that
when set in the earth il would be impossi-
bic to move it except by derrick. New
York man has invented a coffin torpedo,
consisting of q canister of powder, balls
and trigger, and he warrants
it to kill any person who attempts
20 open the grave in which 10
Is placed. He does not reflect that in this
day of changing graveyards some of the
move their foretathers, and may. 10 their
great surprise. be given an immediate in
PRODUCTION to them through his torpedo. A
Massachusetts Yankee has patented dy-
Mantle bomb which he places in the tomb.
This would shoot the grave rohber up to
heaven, and il Is equally probable that il
might send both coffin and the corpse
down TO the other place. There are hun.
dreds of patents for different kinds of en-
halming juice. and the embalming Juice in
vento-s fought over General Grants body
at Mount McGregor IN order 10 demon
strate the virtue OF their various fluids.
sAy,a nf fhe<a some Vears as-o SAINT a model