Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-08-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
The ground d-foor-Sawdust.
A good buy-law-Collect on delivery.
A drawing-room-The dentists Office.
A two-foot rule-Stand on your own
pins.
An old Aame-The light of other
days.
Do not think you can cultivate mans
acquaintance by giving him an occa-
sional dig.
Poor Fishing.-First Boy-ssDid YOU
catch anythinga" Second Boy-ssNot
until l got home. San Francisco Wasp.
One thing of Moan must be said
Nor will the truth be strained
Without doubt he knew enough
10 go in when it rained
Hay Press.
Bobby-"How did you manage to get
the bowl of cream?" Tommy-ssTold
ma l saw the cat put her nose in it,
Epoch.
One Of the healthiest professions in the
world is that of signing wills. Expectant
heirs will readily confirm this statement.
Puck.
When you come to consider the drunk
ard, there isn't much difference between
the ideal and the Binghanston
Leader.
Do not try to take off your hat to
woman on rainy day; if she carries an
umbrella she will take it off for you.-
Boston Bulletin.
The men who become suddenly rich
remindus of the whales. They no sooner
get to the top than they commence blow
ing.-Statesnan.
'Now, Johnny, you know what
noun is, do you?" ''Yeth um." "What
is Jerusalem?" "An ejaculation, mum. ("
-Harper's Bazaar.
The young mau Just out of school ad-
vertises for a ''position;" but after six
months of hustling he is mighty glad to
get "job. ."-Puck.
The latest distinguished horse on the
turf is named Semicolon. 1t must be
rather difficult to bring him to full
stop.-Bost0n Herald.
''All that's bright must fade,
The brightest still the feetest"
All we wear is frayed
Just when we would be neatest
Puck.
Hostess Ito young Spriggins, M. D.)-
cdr. Spriggins, will you have soms of
the tongue9" DR.. Spriggins absent
mindedly)-"Oh-er-let me look at it,
please. - Chatter.
1t is nonsense to say that there is
nothing new under the sun. The man
who owns an ordinary fountain pen finds
some new trouble with it every week.
SomeroiUe Journal
Polite Passenger-s.Pardo me, sirl
Can / sit down in this seata" Old Sour
boutwell,, presume you can if you
try hard enough. I didn't have any
trouble. ."-Boston Times.
She (enthusiastically)-ssOh, George!
don't you think the greatest joy in life is
the pursuit of the good, the true and the
beautiful" He-.'You bet that's why
I'm here tonight. "-Burlington Free
Press.
Little Ethel went to church with her
grandmother, and for the first time put
ten cents in the contribution plate.
Leaning over she whispered very audi
bly,, "Thats all right, grandma! l paid
for two. ."-Judge
One morning in a garden bed
The onion and the carrot said
Unto a parsley group:
"Oh, when shall we three meet again.
In thunder, lightning, or in rainy''
"Alasg' exclaimed in tones of pain
The parsley-"In the SOUP"
Philadelphia Press
The baseballist's business is picking
up, the football players is rushing, the
aronaut's is in the air, the dry-goods
sellers is rip-tearing, the hackman's is
driving, the washerwoman manages to
scrub along, and the bunco-man finds
plenty to 'sdo. Puck.
The bucket shop known as sThe
failed yesterday for the
seventeenth time this month. The cause
Of the suspension is stated to have been
that customer was, by an oversight of
a clerk, allowed to win SO. so, and de-
man1pd his vunnar Lf1,,a