Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-07-24
JoKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF TIE PRESS.

Youngsquirt-Say, Oldwed, how can
fellow find out what his faults arel
0ldwed-By getting married.
THE EARTH's NOCTURNAL MOTION.
Tommy-What makes the world go
round, papal
Father (absent-mindedly)- Champagne
generally; sometimes beer Harvard
Lampoon.
THE COMING MAN.
''What do you think Of the coming
man9"
"What do 1 think of him9"
"Yes.n
"Well, guess he will come"
LOOK OUT FOR SNOW.
"General, what do you think of the
weather." asked citizen.
well" replied the Chief Signal Off
Ger, cautiously, 81 think the backbone
of the winter is broken"
THE OLD PROBLEM.
''Were you ever in love before, Edwinr
''Great Cesar" he cried, in anguish,
sam l never to be free from that awful
question:"
Sand what is strange about it9"
'All the girls ever loved have asked
it, and when answer 'em yes, they an
swer they wouldn't have thought it from
the way acted. And now here you are
laying wires to ring in the same old
conundrum. y San Francisco Wasp
VERY PARTICULAR.
Mamma, aren't we going to the sea-
shore this summer2"
Eyes, dear"
''Well, l think we ought to go very
soon, because want tOget some bathing,
and Pm afraid the ocean will have been
used before we get there if we don't
hurry. ~ Argosy-
COMPETENT.
Nurse Girl heard you wanted some
one to take care of your baby.
LADY, do. Where did you work
last2
Nurse Girl-At Wheeling, West Vir-
ginia. Lowell Citizen.
THE IDEAL
Miss Hart-Yes, Henry and are going
to be married next month.
Miss Spleen-So heard. And people
say the most ridiculous things about you.
It almost puts me out of patience to hear
them.
Miss Why, what do they say?
Miss Spleen-They say you must have
hypnotized him. The ideal Boston
Transcript.
HE WANTED NO DIsCuURAGER.
'sI've got good dog I'd like to sell
you," said fancier to Fangle.
'sNot much!'' replied Fangle; "why,
I've got four manageable daughters. y
Epoch.
A CHRONIC COMPLAINT.
Doctor-What is your husbands COM
plant, ma'am2 Is It chronic9
Wife-Yes, SIR. l have never known
him to be satisfied with q meal for the
last thirty-fve years. Burlington Free
Press.
SAMSON DESCRHBED.
t'Johnnie," said his teacher, "who
were the two strongest men of olden
times2"
'Samson and Hercules
''Can you tell anything about themg"
''Oh, yes. Samson was regular Her
cules."
A 49,
Clara-I havesuch horror of growing
old!
Maud (sweetly)-I should think you
would have got over it by this time. -
brakes Magazine.
THE HOT WATER SHOWED.
"Curious that boy is so bad, and yet he
is the cleanest, neatest boy in school"
"Not so curious. He is in hot water
all the time and it shows"
GOOD REASON TO BE MAD.
sDid you hear of the mad zebras at
Barnum's9"
''No. What made them mad2"
"They overheard someone say they
looked like dudes about toplay tennis. ""
Bazaar.
HE DIDN'T CATCH THAT FISH.
Mrs. Brown i had to cook that fish at
once, as was afraid it wouldn't keep.
Brown-Geewhiz! I'll 60 right down
to the market and give that man a piece
of my mind.
Mrs. Brown-Hold on, my dear; it was
the fish you caught yourself this after
noon Bazaar.
WALKING WITH AN OBJECT.
High Priced Doctor-You are now
convalescent, and all you need is exercise.
You should walk ten, twenty, thirty
miles day, sir, but your walking should
have an object.
Patient--All right, doctor. I'll travel
around trying to borrow enough to pay
your bill. -[New York Weekly.
THE DERBY FEVER.
Irritable Major Look here, my girls,
I'm certain I'm right about that. Tibet
my ears on it.,
Sharp Daughter Oh, papa, you
shouldn't carry betting to such extreme
lengths. [ Pick Me- Up.
A USELESS QUESTION.
MI. Moneybags (sternly) $50 you love
my daughter, young man. What are
your prospects, may | ask2