St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-06-08
COURTING A WIDOW.
Limitations of Fascinating, but
Dangerous, When
Bereavement's Charm May Take
Effect.

Limitations of Fascinating, but
Dangerous, Amusement--Wh When
Bereavement's Charm May Take
Effect.
New York Sun.
This letter, from a widow of New Jer-
sey, propoundS very interesting queS-
ton:
l am widow. My husband has been dead
thirteen months. A gentleman of high
standing, independent position and most
honorable reputation. whom | have known
personally for many years, desires TO pay his
addresses with a view to marriage, and has
frankly asked permission to do So Is it
proper for me to consent? Or does he dis
play lack of courtesy and good manners i'll
making such advances so soon after my hus-
bands death?
Under the conventional rule of So
ciety widow may marry again a year
after the death of her husband. That
implies, of course, that she may be
WOoed sooner, and how much sooner de-
ponds on the state of her heart.
1t may happen, and it often does hap
pen, that the very profundity of her
grief and the depth of her attachment
to the lost render her peculiarly sus-
ceptible to new demonstrations of af-
lection. Her wounded spirit Graves
sympathy and consolation, and in her
loneliness and despair she feels the
need of strong arm to lean upon and a
trusting heart upon which to rely.
Her weeds, her downcast eye, her
gentle sorrow, patient suffering and at
titude of dependence make powerful
appeal to every manly breast, especially
if she be young and pretty.
Such widow is always interesting,
oftentimes absolutely irresistible.
Even the loveliest of maidens may
we'll look upon her as dangerous rival,
though she enters into no formal COM
petition with them, and invites tender
regard by reason Of the charm of her
WidoWhoOd only.
How soon after her bereavement these
evidences of her power will bring a
feeling of pleasure to the mourning
heart of a widow depends probably on
circumstances and her temperament.
Some people rebound sooner than
others.
In one case the man capable of restor-
ing elasticity to the unStrung heart may
be close at hand, and in another he may
be long in coming. Mere concern for
Stifle any new affection as soon as it has
birth, while another will tend and cul-
tivate it, hoWSoever great may be her
Self-accusatiOn.
The feeling of the duty of grief for
the dead may be more irrepressible in
one than another, and yet the reality of
the mourning in each may be the same.
Therefore, we say to the inquiring
widow of New Jersey, consult your own
heart in this matter. 1t has evidently
been touched. You would not write to
us otherwise. The affection which you
have awakened brings JOY to your mind
despite its misgivings, and those mis-
givingS come not SO much from the
memory of the dead as from fear that
you will overstep propriety if you do
not entertain them.
As for the man who would WOO you,
who seems already to have Wooed you
to good purpose, we applaud his spirit
and admire his method. so bold, Sc
frank and so straightforward. CD
He has not beaten about the bush
with hints, signs, amorouS glanceS and
timid forebodlngs, but has advanced di-
rectly and courageously to the attack.
marry you, and has told you so in plain
words.
Is that to display lack of courtesy
and manners?' 1t is to show the high
est courtesy and good manners.
If he has come too early, if your heart
is still in the grave, you have only to
tell him so as squarely as he has told
you of his living affection. But maui
testify he has not come too soon, and he
hOnorS you by his proffer.
May the sun shine gloriously in New
Jersey on the wedding day, and may
Joy attend your new venture into matri-
mOny.