davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
The Old Adam.

1t is told of q good old fashioned par.
son i'll one Of tho hill towns of western
Massachusetts that he gave the follow
ing advice to his son, who was about to
come to New York to begin business
career: "My son, Of course it is always
wicked to fight, and as Christian min
lister must warn you against it. But
at the same time if you should ever find
yourself in fght-mind, I say, find
yourself in a fight, with no way out
always see that the right man is
whipped" "But, father" replied the
lad, chow shall know who is the right
mani" "The other man, of course"
said the old gentleman. "In every crisis
of life something must be taken for
granted, and in fight you must always
assume that the other fellow deserves to
be thrashed." This advice, similar in
spirit to that given by Shakespeare, in
dicates that there may be good deal of
unregenerate human nature even in
quiet country parson.-New York Trib-
une.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Half a Century Behind.

It is at least fifty years too late to dis
pute the proposition that newspaper ad-
vertisinS pays. Tho reverse may have
been true when Rip Van Winkle went to
sleep, but Rip has walked up, and even
Schneider" can bark out the truth to
him. Not only does newspaper adver-
tilng pay, but it pays we'll, and on tho
whole better than it ever did before.
A few years ago newspapers were not
what they are now. They were fewer
i'll number, and in all that characterizes
good newspaper management they were
inferior to the newspapers of the present
day. Remembering that our allusion is
chiefly to the papers Of the smaller cities
and country towns, no one who is ia
miliar with the facts of twenty-five years
ago will dispute with us when we say
that, wonderful as has been much of the
progress of the last two or three decades,
the advance in respect to our newspapers
has not been surpassed in any other di-
rection.
In the days of the past advertising
paid. Conspicuous instances of men who
grew rich by early perception of the adj
vantages of newspaper advertising read
lily come to mind, while the truth that
thousands of persons who achieved no
personal celebrity made handsome profits
by the same means can be easily shown.
In this day the newspapers have much
to commend them which they did not
then possess. They are better printed,
for one thing; they are more prosperous
and have better commercial standing,
for another. The papers of the class
specially referred to have at their COM
mand reading matter service which
puts them fully on level, as to matter,
with the most prosperous metropolitan
daily. And SO an advertiser, when pre-
senting his announcement for insertion,
may feel confident that his advertise
ment will be printed in good company,
and, since these are also the times of per
fected printing machinery, in good, legi-
bic form also.
Therefore since newspaper advertising
has always paid, even in tho day when
newspapers were, by comparison, poorly
printed and only moderately edited, the
business man is standing III his own light
and casting the blackest kind Of a shadow
if he is not student and liberal user
of newspaper advertising.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
A Ono Eyed Acronaut in Europe.

1t is possible that some of your readers
have heard of, if they have not seen,
Professor Bartholomew, the aeronaut.
He is quite IL character; gangling, awk-
ward, rural, but fearless as lion and as
sharp as tack, he halls from Burr Oak,
Mich. Bartholomew accompanied the
baseball aggregation on its tour around
the world, and hero and there he gave
balloon ascensions that excited even
more curiosity than did the perform
ances of the eXponents of our national
game. Bartholomew has the misfor-
tune to be one eyed man, but the mis-
fortune does not occasion him much re-
morse; it would be hard to find more
cheerful person than he. In Rome he
came up to Mr.. Lynch, tho manager of
the excursion party, and said; Leigh.
could you lend me 1902"
why, suppose So" said Lynch.
"Well, wish you could" said Bar
tholomew. "Itwould he great accom-
mediation. Glass eyes are so darned
cheap here that it seems as if ought to
stock up on theml''
Bartholomew bought $50 worth of
glass eyes and he carried them around
with him in a baize bag; there were
about peck of them, and they ratified
like so many marbles. They were not
all the same color, but Bartholomew
didn't mind small matter of that kind.
He was too much of humorist to
stickle at detail of that character.
He said that when he wore blue eve
he raSamhled hia fafhar,o c;da ne a.
family; a black evey made him took
more like his mothers folk.
One day Bartholomew was riding in q
hanson cab in London; the horse acted
badly and the driver lashed tho brute
fiercely. Whoever has ridden in han
som cab knows how awkward 1t is to
have the long lash of the drivers whip
dangling in ones eyes. Several times
Bartholomew ordered the driver to be
more careful In the uso of his whip.
Reaching his destination, Bartholomew
quietly took out his glass eye, stepped
out of the cab upon the sidewalk, and
holding out the eye in his open hand he
said sternly to the cabman: II warned
you repeatedly, yet SEQ what you have
done! Wait here now, sir, until have
summoned n policeman"
To the befuddled cabman there was an
awful reality in all this. He did not
wait for any further parley-oh, no, not
he. Lashing his horse into gallop he
made off as fast as ever he could, the
worst scared cabby in all the United
Kingdom! By this quiet ebullition of
humor the pilgrim from Burr Oak evaded
payment of a five shilling fare and
achieved deserved fame for having got
the better of n London cab driver
Eugene Fields Letter in Chicago Times.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Polly and tho n1inister.

Sister Robbins lay upon her sick bed
watching the clock, the slant of the sun.
beams and occasionally talking to her
Polly-a wise looking gray parrot with
glittering eyes and brilliant scarlet tail
1t would be better, perhaps, to say that
she replied to Polly, for the parrot was
by far the most talkative.
There came q rap at the door of the
room. "Whoav said Polly. "Come in, ("
said Sister Robbins.
The visitor entered and proved to be
the Methodist minister. Polly crept up
to Mrs. Robbins and cuddled close up to
the lady's neck, laying her gray pate
close beside her mistress cheek. After
some conversation the minister proposed
to Sister Robbins that they have "a
season of prayer" and accordingly knelt
by her bedside and with closed eyes and
devout voice began to pray.
Polly's eyes glittered moro than ever.
She crept unnoticed from her place of
refuge and with slow lifted claws and
noiseless step over the white counter
pane went close to the unconscious min
lister. She scanned him meditatively,
and then when her head was SO near his
that you would have thought his ear was
in danger of being shipped off, she sud-
denly cried out in the clearest tones:
"What in the world are you doingr
Sister Robbins finds it hard to con-
vince the minister that they have family
prayers He says Polly's evidence is
against her.-Wide Awake.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Ninety-six Feet of Snowfall in Color

Did you ever stop to think and fgur.
up how much loose snow actually falls
in the course of an average mountain
Colorado winter? If you have, didn't
tho amount amaze you? At Kokomo in
l8SE5, by actual daily measurements,
something like ninety-six feet of the
beautiful fell between Nov. and June
l. Of course it kept on settling all the
time, and when spring opened up there
wasn't more than six or seven feet on
the ground. The snowfall at Kokomo is
generally twice or three times what it is
at Dillon, yet the amount that fell here
during the winter of 1sS9-9O sounds like
a big yarn, but the figures given below
are absolutely correct and were care
fully recorded daily by Mr.. Pratt at
Ryan Gulch, just north of town.
Amount of snowfall, gauged at point
one mile north of Dillon, between the
first day of November, 1880, and May 10,
1890: November, 3S inches; December, 81
inches; January, 81 inches; February, Al
inches; March, 10 inches; April, %
inches; May, II understanding a total
of 20 feet 10 inches. About eight-tenths
of this snow fell during the night time.
and nearly one-half of it was very damp.
settling rapidly as it fell. These figures
seem preposterous, yet Dillon is not much
of place for snow either, and gets less
of the beautiful than any other town in
the county.-Dillon Enterprise.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Tho Ideal Suburban Site.

Stating it directly, the best work en-
ables us to approach by drive upon one
side, alight at an entrance porch, enter
by an entrance hall, advance thence into
the hall, and through it out upon the ve-
randa, and so on upon the lawn. This is
the simple result, and the reason is as
simple. The entrance is for access; the
hall, veranda, lawn and the prospect be-
yond belong to the private life of the
house. Tradesmen or visitors, however
welcome, cannot be dropped into the
midst of the family group. Even the well
come guest wishes to cross the threshold
and meet the outstretched hand and cor
dial greeting within. Even Liberty hall
must have its defense.-Bruce Price in
Scribner's.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
MANY A LIFE

LAS been saved by the prompt use of
IL Ayers Pills. Travellers by land or
sea are liable to constipation OF other
arrangements of the stomach and bowels
which, if neglected, lead to serious and
often fatal consequences. The moisture
means of correcting these evils is the use
of Ayers Cathartic Pills. The pru-
dent sailing-master would as soon so to
sea without his chronometer as without
supply of these Pills. Though prompt
and energetic in operation, Ayers Pills
leave no ill effects; they are purely
vegetable and sugar-ccated the safest
medicine for old and young, at home or
abroad.
"For eight years I was afflicted with
constipation, which at last became SO
bad that the doctors could do no more
for me. Then began to take Ayers
Pills, and soon the bowels recovered
their natural and regular action, so that
now am in
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
A Successful American Artist

Hubert Herkomer, the lately elected
Royal Academician, whose picture the
"Last Muster" has made him famous,
was at one time an "Ohio boy" although
born in Bavaria. His parents brought
him to Ohio when he was 2 years old, but
hey were not successful there and re-
turned later to England. There he was
uaturalized and went to Munich. From
Munich he returned again to England,
where he began to make comic cartoons.
He was employed for timo on The
London Graphic. His father was q wood
carver and his mother a music teacher.
New York World.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
A BIT of the Middle Ages

A curious survival of the Middle Ages
was put into practice at Guernsey to
stop the public auction of household
goods which was disapproved of by the
eldest son of the family. The formula
uttered by the son is as follows: "Haro!
Haro! Haro! A raide, mon Prince. On
me fait tort" The sale ceased instantly,
and the matter will now come before the
royal courts in due course.-Notes and
Queries,
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Dangers of Analogy,

An excellent story is related of the
way in which that inflexible disciplin-
arian, the young kaiser, was hoist with
his own petard in the person of one of
his own children. The little prince was
rebuked for eating with his fingers. and
threatened that if he repeated the offense
he would be sent under the table, the
proper place for little boys who emulatcd
the habits of dogs. After brief inter-
val of good behavior the offense was re-
peated and the culprit ordered to get un-
der the table, where lie promptly pro-
ceeded to undress himself, OH the ground
that little dogs did not wear clothes
they only had skin.-London Globe.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
A Conductors Hard Life.

A street car conductor of q calculating
turn Of mind said tho other day that
during ten years of service on the Fourth
avenue line he had been poked with par
asols and umbrellas about $4,000 times.
1t is u wonan's way to poke the conduc-
tor in the ribs with her parasol when
she wants the car stopped. This partic-
ular conductor estimated that he had
averaged about twenty pokes day for
every day of actual service.-New York
Times,
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
comp,acencv in Modern Athens.

A smile as big as barn door adorns
the Boston countenance when it reads of
the social aspirations of somo of the peo-
pie who have gone to London this sea-
son. It appears to the self assured Bos-
tonian that society in that vast town is
nothing if not democratic, and he no
longer wonders at the attraction it pos
sesses when everybody who isn't any
body succeeds without difficulty in get
ting in therc.-Boston Herald.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
TO A GLOVE.
Go, virgin kid, with lambert kiss
Co1,,to n ,,ivrrt,, hopJ,

Go, virgin kid, with lambert kiss
Salute virgin hand:
Go, senseless thing, and reap bliss
Thou dost not understands;
Go, for in thee, methinks, find
CThough It's not half so brighD
An emblem of her bealteous mind
By nature clad In white.
Securely thou may'st touch the fair,
Whom few securely can.
May st touch her breast, her lip, her hair
Or wanton with her fan;
May st coach 1t with her, to and fro,
From masquerade to phys.
All! couldst thou hither come and go
To tell me what she says!
Go, thou, when the morning cold
Shall nip her lily arm,
Do thou Ooh, might be so bold9
With kisses make 1t warm.
But when thy glossy bcauty's DER,
When all thy charms are gone,
Return to me-I'll love thee moro
Than e'cr yet have done.
-Habcrdasher.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
s. A s..
x M v
Xpo FERENs-El Amirante

Why the periods were used ut the sides
of tho SIS and not before and following
tho other letters has been tho subject of
much discussion. The initials in a
straight line arc "S 8. A. S. K. NJ. w."
which Professor Becher, recalling the
fact that it was to Isabella or isabella
that Columbus owed his chances of car
rying out his plans, reads them as: "Serv-
iador Sus Alteza Sacras Jesus Maria
Isabel" Which would be about as fol
lows If translated into good United
States English: "Thc servant of their
sacred highncsses Jesus Mary and Isa-
bel" Tho last line Professor Dewitt
translates as "Christ Bearing (Christo-
pher) tho Admiral. ST. Louis Republic.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06

ROASTING A MINING TYRANT.

How the Men Mt tho Khedive Lode Wer.
Revcnged ut Lightning Speed.
In the mountains the miners frequent.
ly make their descent into tho valleys by
using a piece Of "quaking ash" bark as a
toboggan, but oftener rely on the tenaci-
ty of their heavy canvas overalls.
To some this method of transportation
may seem absurd or impossible, but it is
fact nevertheless; men do go down the
fearful slopes on the soft snow from the
top Of a two mile ridge in that manner
faster than they ever did on a sled when
u boy.
AT the Khedive lode the miners had
long borne a grudgo against the super
intendent, an overbearing ignoramus; SO
they swore they would get even with
him some day.
The Khedive was located just two
miles above tho old government road
leading to Gothic, at Il bend, called "The
Crook" and it required an hours hard
climbing on foot to get up to the mine
from there.
One morning tho superintendent came
as usual to inspect as he termed it.,
but really to curse and rant around be-
cause tho men could not make 800 ore
yield 81 900.
The miners We're just about tired of
his tyranny and several suggested the
propriety of giving him u pounding.
However, Providence, who sometimes
advocates the cause of tho poor miner
as well as that of the rich nabob who
owns the property, came to the mems
assistance at this critical juncturc.
The obnoxious superintendent was ex-
pecting some important instructions
from headquarters, and gave orders that
if IL telegram came to dispatch clerk
on horseback until he reached "The
Crook" and there to discharge his pistol.
While tearing around, cursing the
miners as was his wont, suddenly shot
rang out on the clear air and, looking
down into the valley, all saw a messenger
waving a paper.
The anxious superin tendcnt was in a
fix; he wanted that telegram in Il hurry,
but knew that the steep trail would
demand an hours hard work to reach
there.
AT this moment the wag of the crew
stepped up to him and offered big iron
scoop.shovel. suggesting that if he sat in
that he could go down the hill quickly
and safely.
The superintendent had often seen the
descent made on the snow as stated, but
he did not see the roguish twinkle in the
mans eye as he took the proffered i'm
plement.
His trousers were thin, so grasping the
handle and sitting in the concave part
of the shovel, he shot down the hedeclivity;
faster and faster he went until he fairly
flew.
His seat by the terrible friction grew
warmer and warmer as lie sped recklessly
on, but there was no stopping until the
bottom was reached. He was literally
roasted; but the miners had their re-
venge,-Kansas City Globe.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
1t Is Not Cruel.

A college boy at Adrian undertook to
ride a bucking broncho. The broncho
bucked and kicked and cavortcd and
stood ON both ends by turns, and citi-
zen had the boy arrested for cruelty to
animals. The jury, taking into consid-
Grafton the characteristics of the bron-
cho, found that it was not cruel and ac-
quilted the defendant.-Detroit Free
ProSa
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
A Host,s ThouxhtfnIness.

Brown (of Philadelphia)-Co right
in, old fellow. Your room is ready and
everything necessary to make you feel
completely at home is prepared.
Jones (of Pittsburg)-Hope you haven't
taken any trouble on my account.
Brown (heartily)EVery little, but that
little will count. Have had four dozen
cable car gongs hung under your Win
dow and hired a boy to bang them every
day and all night.
Jones (overjoyed)eBless you, old boy!
Your thoughtfulness is simply delight
ful.-Pittsburg Bulletin.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06

The man who was hurrying into the
hatters recently was on business. He
wanted his old hat. "When did you
leave it here!" II dunno" was the re-
ply. They hunted over u great pyramid
of hats and found it, labeled July 2.
When the man went out the halter said:
"That man bought q new hat here and
when he went out said he would call for
it in half an hour. It has now been four
weeks. We throw away seven or eight
hundred old hats every year, for which
the owners are going to call 'in half an
hour Lewiston Journal.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Artificial VS.. Satural Ice.

The manufacture of artificial ice has
been begun in Reading, Pa, and the en-,
terprise is already pronounced decided
success. The ice is made into cakes of
100 pounds each, and is declared to be
of the finest quality. The retail price is
the same as that of natural ice. Several
of the big brewing companies of Read
ing have decided to manufacture arti-
fetal ice. The Reading Brewing com.
pany is now manufacturing artificial ice
by the ammonia process.-New York
Telegram.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06

Pulp manufacturers are deeply inter-
ested in an electrical method of reducing
the wood in the manufacture of pulp.
By this process it is claimed that the fiber
is manufactured SO cheaply that the en-
tire pulp business will be erevolutionized,
and tho digesters now in use be driven
ont,
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Ravenous Prairie Chickens.

Young prairie chickens are beginning
to roam about here. So ravenous have
they become that nearly every gentle
man who goes outside of the city limits
for walk carries breech loading shot
gun to protect himself, and is frequently
compelled to kill large numbers in self
defense. The bite of prairie chicken
causes an ugly wound.-North Platte
Neb.) Tribune.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06

Metal has for some time been very ad-
vantageously used in the binding Of
books Us a substitute for cardboard. A
special preparation is first necessary, and
the leather may be bent and Strengthened
again without perceptible damage, a
course Of treatment that would destroy
cardboard covers. The metal is covered
with any material that taste may die
tate, and the finished book shows no
difference in appearance excepting in
greater thinness of the cover, which is
always desirable.-New York Telegram.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
When Merchants Have Money,

salesman-I suppose you will allow
me to sell Broke, Upp & Co.?
Principal-Tm somewhat afraid Of
their credit, Mr.. Valisse.
Salesman-But you know they failed
about a year ago and settled at ten
cents.
Principals that SO? They must have
money. Sell them all you can.-Jewel-
ers' Circular.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Struck Six Times by Lightning.

There is an old three story tenement
house in Randolph, Mass, that is known
the country round as tho Lighthouse.
This house has been struck by lightning
six times since 1882, and thrice partly
burned. Yet no one of the numerous
tenants has ever been killed, although
the current has traversed the house a
different way each time.-Boston Globe.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06

Judge james NJ. Shackleford, of Indi-
ana, appointed judge of a court in Okla
homa territory, took his son with him as
clerk Of the court. The son and clerk has
recently distinguished himself by marry
ing n Cherokee.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Horribly Irreyerent,

A very wicked young person. to whom
all admirer of Ibsen showed the drama
lists photograph, said, with a lofty sneer:
''If you wish q real good picture of
Ma11noset monkey why don't you get
one2'--Boston Herald.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Routing the Enemy.

ga friend of mine-a consulnptive-
was set upon by ten cowboys out in
Arizona one day. He fought like a
tiger for ten minutes and then his as
sailants took to flight"
"What did your friend do!'
"Stayed where he was-he had to.
Thev'd killed him." ."-Chatter
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Snort at Duluth,

The people of Duluth We're entertained
on Friday by the captains of three tugs,
who had race ten miles away and re-
turn, with safety valves tied down and
furnaces full to the doors. The pleasure
of the populace was only marred by the
fact that there was no explosion.-De-
troif Froa prasc
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06

Woman Ito drug store clerk)-Have
you an article called two cent postage
stamp OH sale?
Drug Clerk (mechanically)-We some
times keep it, but think we are out of
it just now. There is very little demand
for it. Quite inferior, I assure You.
Now, we make an article of our own
that-oh, it is postage stamp you
want. Certainly; here is one. Have it
charged Siftings.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
A Determined Man,

Johnson--When are you going to paint
that fence for me, Uncle Rastus?
Uncle Rastus-Wsll, sab, I reckon I'll
do it Saturday, if de Lawd's willin; or
if not, I'll do it Monday, anyway, suah
West Shore.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Exchange of courte,ie,.

Thin Old Man (cramped and cross)-
This car ought to charge by weight.
Stout Woman regarding him con-
temptuously)-If they did they'd never
stop to pick you up.-New York Ledger.
The Dickinson press., 1890-09-06
Excellent

health. Mrs. C. E.. Clark, Tewksbury,
Massachusetts.
"I regard Ayers Pills as one of the
most reliable general remedies of our
times. They have been in use i'll my
family for affections requiring a pnrga-
tive, and have given unvarying satisfac-
ton. We have found them an excellent
remedy for colds and light fevcrs."-
w. Il. Woodson, Fort Worth, Texas.
"For several years have relied more
upon Ayers Pills than upon anything
else i'll the medicine chest, 10 regulate
my bowels and those of the ships crew.
These Pills are not severe i'll their ac-
ton, hut do their work thoroughly.
have used them with good effect for
the cure Of rheumatism, kidney ,ror-
bles. and dyspepsia. Capt. Mueller,
Steamship Felicia, New York City.
~ have found Ayers Cathar,ic Pills
to I've n better family medicine for COM
mon Use than any other pills within my
knowledge. They are not only very
effective, but safe and pleasant to take
qualities which must make them
valued by the public. Jules Hauel.
Perfumer, Philadelphia, Pa.
Ayers Pills,
PREPARED EY
Or. J. G. Aver & Co., Lowell, Mass.
Soll by all Dealers in Medicines.