davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
students Blunders.

The blunders of the illiterate often
furnish the occasion of amusement, hut
the following anecdotes seem to indicate
that they are neither the most common
nor egregious. Sometimes the blunders
of those who, while they are only seek
ing to become wise, think themselves
already so, are Of the most laughable
sort.
A student of ancient history, seeing
the statement that certain famous
character in history had died 1890 A.
NJ. (anno mundi, or the year of the
world, remarked to his professor, with
some surprise, "How exceedingly care
full those ancients were about noting
little circumstances.
What do you mean?" the professor
asked.
"Why. they even tell the time of day
that a great man dies, we don't do that
now"
Il think you are mistaken" replied
the teacher.
"No, am not; hereit is: His death
occurred at ten thirty a. M"
A theological student who was &C.
companied by his professor TO a country
place where the former was to preach,
prevailed on the professor to make the
opening prayer Arising to make the
announcement, he amazed the congre-
cation by saying: Professor Smith
will now lead us in a petition of the
faculty of the H Seminary to the
throne of grace of which / have the
honor to be student. After accom-
panying him, your humble servant will
attempt to preach the Word whose
shoes he is not worthy to unloose."
Whether the audience got his state
r4ents in reference to his professor and
his order of service sufficiently separated
to comprehend the situation, is not
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
TIE LADIES CORNER.
MEN ARE NOT EXPECTED TO
READ THIS COLUMN.

A Girls Best Charm-Some Novel Cos
tumes-sad Time in woman's Life
Conquering Amazons A Woman's
Enemy Opinions About Women.
AT recent wedding in Paris one OF
the guests, leader of fashion, wore q
long redingote of lopophore feathers,
the glittering blue-green plumage form
ing the entire garment from head to
foot. The effect was dazzling. The
bonnet was made of bird of paradise,
with small white tulle veil fastened
with pearl pins. The lady carried also
a muff of the lopophore feathers. Sew
eral other guests wore bonnets made
like wreaths of flowers with white wells.
One lady, who appeared in a gown OF
green silk, striped in light and dark,
and trimmed with black lace, wore a
toque Of Parma violets.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
His We'll Runs Gold and silver.

There is wonderful well down near
Del Norte. 1t is an artesian well with
an abundant flow of pure water, suf-
ficient to irrigate a considerable
amount of land. That would be enough
for any one but San Luis man. But
this is mineral water 1t is efferves-
cent, very palatable, and extremely
healthful Nor is this all; the force Of
the water brings up from the depths
an occasional lump of native silver or
gold nugget. The frugal farmer has
placed sack of wire netting over the
mouth of the well to catch the metal
and prevent it from choking the COWS.
Local scientists claim that at a great
depth and under enormous pressure,
the water is washing away a ledge of
rock, whose softer parts go into solu-
ton, and give the water its mineral
qualities, but whose gold and silver,
not being dissolved, are brought to the
surface in a metallic state.-Pike's
Peak Herald.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28


tired to village some distance from
new iork In which his wife owned q
mouse. He discontinued his subscrip-
non to the church and the Y. NJ. @. A.,
put both institutions passed resolutions
Of confidence in his integrity and regrets
And Mr.. Moore.
Visions of future comfort fitted be-
fore his eyes, waking and sleeping. He
connded his success in none of his fell
low craftsmen who so recently had been
loath to recognize him. But he ostenta-
tlously let slip hints of a rich haul that
he had just made, and retired to gloat
over his treasures Thanks to Mr.. FIRE.
mont's care, he had been able to select
his booty with discrimination. None of
the bulky silver plates had been touched.
But a clean sweep had been made
OF all the jewels, set and unset, in the
establishment
1t was, therefore, with no little feel
ing of pride and complacency that he
entered the banking establishment of
well-known lin certain circles) Hebrew,
who turned an honest penny by acting
as fence for gentlemen of Mr.. Moore's
profession. 1t was with no little feeling
of humiliation and disgust that he
learned from that gentleman that the
whole of his supposed haul was worth
less. Every stone was paste, and even
the settings were light in weight.
1t was a sad case of misplaced conf
dence and Mr.. Moore, once more
financially embarrassed, wept tears of
anguish over the deceitiulness of the
world and of jewellers in particular.
He, George Moore, who had served
his apprenticeship in the profession and
his time in the penitentiary, had been
taken in and made cats paw of by a
man of not half his ability.
For the truth was his old time friend,
Mr.. Fremont, had burglarized his own
store first and then arranged to let the
action fall upon his one-time school
mate, Mr.. George Moore, burglar by
profession.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
A PrescrIptlon for Longevity.

One of my prescriptions for longevity
may startle you somewhat. 1t is this
Become the subject of a mortal disease,
Let half a dozen doctors thump you,
and knead you and test you in every
possible way, and render their verdict
that you have an internal complaint
thew don't know exactly what it is, but
it will certainly kill you by and by,
Then bid farewell to the world and
shut yourself up for an invalid. If you
are three-score years old when you be-
gin this mode of life, you may very
probably last twenty years, and there
YOU are-an octogenarian. In the mean
time. your friends outside have been
dropping off, one after another, until
Won find Yourself almost alone, nursing
vour mortal complaint as If it were your
baby. hugging it and kept alive by it
If TO exist Is TO live. Who has not seen
cases like this-a man or a woman shut
ting himself or herself up, visited by a
doctor or a succession of doctors L re-
member that once, in my earlier ex-
perience, l was the twenty-seventh
physician who had been consulted),
always taking medicine, until every
BODY was reminded of that impatient
speech of relative of one of these
invalid vampires who live on the blood
of tired-out attendants, Il do wish she
would get well-or something?' Per
sons who are shut up in that way, con-
fined TO their chambers, sometimes to
their beds, have a very small amount of
vital expenditure and wear out very
little of their living substance. They
are like lamps with half their wicks
wicked down and viii continue to burn
when other lamps have used up all their
iii An insurance Office might make
money ~, bv taking no risks except on
lives Of persons suffering rom mortar =
disease. -0liUer Wendett ho'meS' 'H
atlantic.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28

murders. two hangings, and a suicide.
Then he waltzed straight for the de-
pot, bought through ticket to his old
home in Massachusetts. and took the
first train going east, vowing he would
be mighty thankful if he got out of the
country alive.
Later-He reached Louisville, KY,
just in time to see the Ohio River seven
miles wide and get snatched up by the
late atmospheric jubilee. His body
was so deity wrapped around tele-
graph pole that they had to ship the
two together.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
ne Met ana IYrnnr woman.

A young man, named William Tory,
living on Haddon avenue, Camden, has
for some time past been annoying a
young lady of that city by his frequent
visits and tender missives. He was
told by the maiden that he was not
wanted, but he persisted in annoying
her, and she finally appealed to her
cousin for relief. When a letter was
received requesting a meeting in front
Of the Cooper Hospital for Friday
evening the cousin got friend to dress
up as q woman and meet the masher
Other friends we're lying in wait and
they greeted Tory with q shower Of
-four, sawdust and similar articles.
After pleading in vain for mercy the
fresh young man took to his heels and
escaped amid the laughter Of his in
amorata and her friends, who had wit
messed the whole performance.-Phila-
delphja Record
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
ConauerIng Amazons,


The famous charge Of the six hundred
at Balaklava hardly surpassed in resist
less valor the charge of an army of wo.
men upon the police force at Buda-
Pesth. A free exhibition of the lovely
trousseau of the Princess of Thurn and
Taxis had been announced, and
long before the hour set hundreds OF
fashionable ladies had gathered at the
doors. Not being admitted at once
they impatiently demanded admittance
instanter, and, being refused, charged
on the police with umbrellas, parasols,
fans, finger nails and an outburst of
feminine shrieks that alone were enough
to appall the stoutest heart. The police
gave way before this resistless assault
and the women surged into the build
ing. Meanwhile the mounted police
had been called, and at the noise of its
steeds the conquering amazons, whose
valor suddenly deserted them, rushed
frantically out of the hall and into the
street, killing seven children and two
women in their fight, and entailing a
loss of several carloads of parasols,
false hair, bustles, hats and bonnets.
The incident illustrates the danger of
the smallest interference with the femi-
nine love of fnery. Women every
where will indorse the action of their
sisters in Buda-Pesth and declare that
under the same circumstances they
would have done the same thing.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
Girls Best Charm.

My dear girls, keep yourselves look
ing as sweet and dainty as possible
Never undervalue the charm of an
agreeable appearance. 1t is the most
delightful letter of introduction that
can be given TO stranger, and there is
no reason in the world why every wo-
man should not be pleasant to look
upon. A famous woman once said,
There are no ugly women; there are
only women who do not understand how
TO make themselves beautiful" This
is absolutely true. So the right thing
for you to do is to sit down, think it
over and make yourself the charming
example that points the moral of this
Ladies' Home Journal.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
Higher Priced Than That.

Counsel Ito colored witness How
much are you paid for giving this tes-
timony9
Colored witness Well-er-yo' see,
sah-I jiss vans ter splain, sah--
Counsel-Come-come. Did you
not get one dollar from the prosecutor
on condition that you would swear to
something that was not true?
Colored witness Indignantly No,
sab. Does 1 look like man wot wud
swar to a lie TO one dollar? Dey guy
me two sab.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
Rattlesnaises and Big jaw in Cattle.

Mathematics and Big jaw In Cattle.
A. l.. Mason, who is now O large
ranch-owner and who has for several
years been largely interested in the
cattle business, stated to-day that he
had theory concerning big jaw In
cattle different from those usually adj
vanced. His idea was that big jaw
was caused by rattlesnake bite. He
had noted for years that when he kept
his cattle in place infested by snakes
of this description, there were always
big-jawed cattle in considerable num-
Der.
When they were removed to place
where there were no snakes, new cases
of big jaw did not appear. The posi-
ton of the protuberance or lump as it
is called, on the animals lower jaw
did not appear. The position of the
animals lower jaw, approximately in
the same position in each case, indi-
Gates, he holds, that the animal had
been bitten while eating grass. Med
ical men state that the only thing that
cannot be readily explained is that rat
tlesnake poison, which is a venom Of
the most pronounced character, should
act as virus.-Kdnsds City Star.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
RnMarlI of Merit.

Mr.. Flyer (tremblingly)-George, L
1 see the bottom has dropped out of x.
Y. 2. stock, and it was only yesterday
/ sent you to Catchem & Cheatem's
with an order for 500 shares. am
ruined-ruined-
George confidential clerk)-I start
ed out to order the stock for you, but
got on bowling spree and forgot all
about it.
Mr.. Flyer-Saved, saved George,
my dear boy, l shall double your sal
arY.-Good Nelrs.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
Friends Alter a Fight.

A fine Newfoundland dog and a mas
tiff had fight over bone or some
other trihing matter. They were fight
ing on bridge, and, being blind with
rage. as is often the case, over they
went into the water.
The banks were so high that they
were forced to swim some distance be-
fore they came to landing place. 1t
was very easy for the Newfoundland
dog; he was as much at home in the
water as seal. But not SO with poor
Bruce. He struggled, and tried his
best to swim, but made little head
way.
Old Bravo, the Newfoundland, had
reached the land, and turned to look
at his old enemy. He saw plainly that
his strength was failing and that he
was likely to drown. So what should
he do but plunge in, seize him gently
by the collar, and, keeping his nose
above water, tow him safely into port.
1t was curious to see the dogs look
at each other as they shook their wet
coats. Their glances said, plainly as
words, "We will never quarrel any
more" - North Carolina Presby-
teridn.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28

with the tender carresses Of their baby
hood. Studies, teachers, classmates,
and embryo love affairs fill their lives
so full that the mother almost feels
crowded out.-Harper's Bazaar.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28

Wealthy Widower Ito daughter)-
'My dear. I-ahem-I have concluded
to marry again, and the-the bride
will be Miss DeSweet. To be sure,
there is some difference in our ages,
but-er-as she is so young, she will
be fond of society, you know, and viii
greatly enjoy going out with you"
Daughter (respectfully)-"Well, I'll
chaperon her. "-Nelo York Weekly.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
COULDN'T STAND THE WEST.
BY FIJI DoosER.
N Eastern man wis.

N Eastern man WIZ
h a d gone o ut to
Missouri for the pur-
pose of hunting a
location boarded a
train at an inland
railroad center to
inspect the country
"a few miles further
Pon. He took a seat
by a six -footer, who
said he lived up the
road a short dis
lance. All W en- t
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28

A missionary, just arrived from the
East, met, at the outskirts of q Kansas
settlement, boy with a pole on his
shoulder.
"Ah, my boy" said the good man,
@going fishing, see 1, too, am some
thing of a fisherman-I am a fisher Of
men"
"You won't ketch much in this town.
replied the boy; %thar's seven real
estate agents here now"
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28

MONEY to a man is like water to a
plant. only useful as long as it pro-
notes and facilitates growth-ike the
water in the fountain OF water in the
tank, keep it flowing, and it blesses;
keep it stagnant, and it Injuries.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28

THE prohibition paper in Maine did
not int end to perpetrate joke IN say
ing that everybody's mouth is full Of
the original package Still 1t may be
swallowed as such IN most prohibition
States.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
Opinions About women.

Heipe-Eyery man who marries is
like the doge who weds the Adriatic
Sea; he know not what he may find
therein treasures, pearls, monsters,
unknown storms.
Balzac-Woman is a most charming
creature, who changes her heart as
easily as she does her gloves.
Victor Hugo-Women detest the SER
pent through professional jealousy.
Thackeray-A good woman is the
loveliest flower that blooms under
heaven.
Patilch-The proper study of man
kird is woman.
Socrates-Trust not a woman when
she weeps, for it is her nature to weep
when she wants her will.
Thackeray-A womah's heart is just
like a photographers stone. What is
once written upon it cannot be rubbed
out.
George Sand-Love is the virtue of
women.
Fleming-He who trusts women
draws water with pitchers full of holes.
Shakespeare
She is mine own,
And as rich in having such jewel
As twenty seas, II all their sands were pearl,
The waters nectar, and the rocks pure gold
Franklin-He that takes a wife takes
care.
Gotz-
He who marries once may be
Pardoned his infrmity;
He who marries twice ID mad.
Shakespeare
Ay, as the glasses where they view themselves.
Dryden
As for the women, though scorn and fout
We may live with, but cannot live without
'em.
Voltaire-Ideas are like beards-men
never have any until they grow up and
women none at all.
Dumas Some women advocate pla-
tonic love, but none practice it.
Shakespeare-Frailty, thy name is
woman.
Jeremy Taylor-Woman, the precious
porcelain of human clay.
Chesterfeld-Very ugly or very
beautiful women should be fsttered on
their understanding, and mediocre ones
on their beauty.
Beaconsfeld- The girl of the period
she sets up to be natural and is only
rude, mistakes insolence for innocence,
says everything that comes to her lips,
and thinks she is gay when she is only
giddy.
Proverbs xii, A virtuous woman
is a crown to her husband.
Milton
1t is for that such outward ornament
Was lavishd on their sex, that inward gifts
Wete left for haste unfinished.
S. Leyi-Beware of girls with red
hair.
Goethe-Happy is the man who
a virtuous wife; his life is
doubled.
Victor Hugo-Men are women's play
things; women are the DEVILS.
De Prades-I would not enter heaven
If thought the woman / adored on
earth was not there.
George d. Prentice-lf man is hap
PLY married his RIB" is worth all the
other bones of his body.
Virgil Woman is ever tickle and
creature.
Tennyson-Man dreams Of fame while
woman wakes to love.
Moliere-It is more difficult to rule
wife than q kingdom.
Lord Women are to be
talked to as below men and above
children.
Richter Love lessons woman's deli
cacy and increases mans.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
sad Time in a woman's Life.

There is time in woman's life when
she is too old for the dance and frolic
of the young and too young for the quiet
corner of the old. No class claims her.
She feels often like an alien from the
commonwealth of womanhood. In
charitable work and in social life the in-
visible line is passed. No one invites
her now to preside at the fancy booth
or hasten the sale of flowers with her
gracious smiles. Neither is she asked
to give the dignity of her age and posi-
ton as one of the patronesses of the
fair. She is laughed at if she dresses
in the gay color her soul loves, or
scolded by her family for always wear
ing black.
She has no part in the play, but is
quietly relegated to the position Of stage
setter and prompter. while younger and
older women pose and win applause.
Her beauty is not at its best. She has
neither the fair girlish face which is the
prophecy of what will be, nor the sweet
old face which is the history of what it
has been. White hair does not crown
her with glory, and she has lost the
RUlQGu Cutls VI ncL 9Outns Int bAoa-
som has faded and the fruit does not
yet compensate for its loss.
The trials Of the transition state en-
velop her in the home. She feels that
her husband is almost deserving her for
the young daughter. who is the second
edition of the girl he fell in love with
years ago.
The solving Of the domestic problem
has not made such drafts upon his men,
tai and physical resources as it has upon
hers. He is q comparatively young
man, and no one dreams of asking him
to step aside from any familiar path
At times she wonders if she is not a
childIess woman. She was necessary
to her little children. but her growing
sons and daughters do not seem to need
her; st least they do not cling to her
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-08-28
A Mnmnn,s Enemy.

Now, there is one way in which a man
may incur the undying enmity of wo.
man. Let him aifront her in public,
where every one may see her humilia-
ton, and nothing he can ever do will
restore him to the good graces Of that
woman. He might conquer nations OF
rescue nuns from mobs, only to meet
the naughty glance OF cold indifference.
SO am free TO confess that the man
whom above all men 1 hate most, the
man who is my natural enemy and will
always be such as long as there are
men, women and street cars, is the
driver of a surface car. How often have
/ braved the danger of madly driven
trucks, wagons, and cabs, to stand in
the street and hail passing car
How often have seen that car go
rolling past me, no one on it giving a
sign of acknowledgment that l was in
this world. The sensation of standing
in the street as you beckon to driver,
who looks straight ahead, utterly ignor-
ing you, is beyond describing. And we
are forced to look calm, cool and in
different. We cannot betray our real
feelings, for q woman must always be
a dissembler-look unruffled when her
bosom is torn with distraction, appear
interested when she is bored to death,
and always fit her moods to the moods
of other people. But will confide to
you that my mortal enemy is the driver
of a street car.-NelO York Tribune.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-04-03
NEW TO-DAY.
STOLEN.

From Wilson Ranch, Lander coun-
ty, New, on the 9th day of March,
one Nelson Saddle, round ring check
stamp, with G S w ON the cantle
board. No tapedaroros on it. Also
one half-breed bit, bride silver mount
ed. Split ear head stall silver mount
ed. Buttons into bit with large silver
conchas. One pair of plain steel
spurs. One new lariat about So feet
long.
sac REV ARD
For the arrest and conviction OF the
party, or parties, and recovery Of the
property, 800 more.
Address oil letters to
J.. F. WILSON,
Battle Mountain,
tt :'' Nevada.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-04-03
A Social Dance.

The amusement season will termi-
nate with a dance at Freeman Hail
next Friday evening, April 4th, which
will be the Last of the series OF enter
tainments given there during the past
few months. The music will be first
class, and all who desire to enjoy q
pleasant evening are cordially invited
to attend this pa, ty given as a fare
we'll to Winter and O welcome to
the advent Of Spring.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-04-03

golian in the country a certificate,
which shall be the sole evidence of
his right to remain in the United
States.-[R Reno Journal.
The heathens most probably antici-
pate that if the bill becomes a law
they will have to contribute to the
perquisites of enumerators by paying
a dollar or two each for these certiti-
Gates, which would amount to a con-
siderable sum, especially on the
Pacific Coast.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-04-03
Indurated Fibre Ware.

The attention of the public is di-
rected to my new stock of Tubs,
Buckets, Basins, etc., manufactured
from Indurated Wood Fibre, pressed
out in one pisce, without seams OF
hoops. 1t is light and durable, will
not shrink or swell, will not faint any
kind of liquid and bids fair to super
cede tin and wooden ware. Call and
examine it.
II. CHASE
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-04-03
Undertaking

Having purchased of Brown & Hos
kins their interest in the Undertake
ing business, am now prepared to, at :.
tend to all calls in that line. will
also attend to the repairing and up
holstering Of Furniture, etc. Shop
ON Commercial street, next door t.
Brown & Hoskins' old stand.
&c. " n; f, PEPSRsoS..
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-04-03
Live And Let Live.

Those who desire to purchase the
best quality Of Groceries and Pro-
visions are referred to the above re-
liable house whore fair dealing and
courteous treatment IL the rule.
Glassware, Tinware, Stoneware, Nails
etc. always in stock.
II 10 ..' - =. H.CHASE.