The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-04-26
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


Mr.. Oldbeau-"Ah, nv dear Miss
Southmayd, your face is the very mirror
of TRUTH! Miss Southmayd - Not
when you are looking into it, sir. Bur
lington Free Press.
Mrs. Maginnis - "Johnny grows
more like me every day." Mr.. Magin-
nis-''That's fact. Nurse says he lost
yesterday. "-Philadelphia Inquirer.
Merchant Ito his lerk)-"How can
you take your hat off to that man when
you know how he has cheated me?''
GLOW can l help taking my hat off to
any man who can cheat you?"-Flie-
gende Batter.
Judge (who is bald-headed)-"If
half what the witnesses testify against
you Is true, your conscience must be
as black as your hair" Prisoner-"If
mans conscience is regulated by his
hair, then your Honor hasn't got any
conscience at all"
-"Well," said Mr.. Hitler, angrily, to
his wife, there isn't person in this
world who regrets being married more,
than L do" Don't be too sure of that,
dear, was his better halfs comment,
It'll you hear my opinion on the ques-
tion."-Philadelphia Times.
You see," said the young man who
was applying for position, "the trouble
with so many men is that they lose their
nerve. Now, l never do that" "And
1t strikes me that you must have been
following these unfortunates around
picking up what they lost.-Washington
Post. Sc.
One may have scores of books which
he seldom or never opens from one end
of the year to the other, and yet without
them his power of literary production
would be hampered and impaired. Only
true book users can feel the power that
there is in the mere presence of unused
books.
Gertrude speaking of Beatrice's
''fiance'O - ''What will Jack do now
that he has inherited all this money!"
Beatrice-"O, | shall just make him
give up all business and--and live like
gentleman, you know" Gertrude
uietly)-'It will be great change for
him. boston Budget.
"A leading lawyer of the Androscog-
gin bar, who was thought some time ago
to be i'll beyond probable recovery, says
that among those who congratulated
him on his restoration to health was a
good woman of Auburn, who offered this
tribute: "Well, Mr.. A.. if you had died
you'd have had very stylish funeral"
Lewiston Journal.
One of the able habitues Of the
press gallery at the Capitol has strik-
ing way of putting things. Speaking of
q Senator who is noted alike for wisdom
and g-windedness, he said: "Oh,
Senator knows lots; there's no
doubt of it. The fact is, he knows SO
much it's positively in the way
Washington Post
Enthusiastic roprietor-"What do
you think of the new hotel?" Prospec-
tive Guest (diftidently)-Rather fne."
f. P.-"Fine? Grand, l think! Did
you notice the fresco work in the din
ing-room and the new furniture in the
hall?" 2. G.-"Yes, 1 noticed them"
f. P. (persistently)-"We what do
you think?" p. G. (gloomily)-"O, /
suppose I'll have to pay for them before
I leave"
"A pompous fellow was dining with a
country family, when the lady of the
house desired the servant to take away
the dish containing the fowl, which
word she pronounced fool" as is COM
mon in Scotland. 81 presume, madam,
you mean fowl" said the sprig in re-
proving tone. Very we'll" said the
lady, little nettled "be it so; take
away the fowl and let the fool remain"
Sewing machinea gent-"Good morn
ing, reverend sir. You know something,
do you not, of a society in this place
known as the Tattletown sewing cir
cleo" Reverend-"I do, young man, /
do" Sewing machine agent-'Then you
can tell me, no doubt, what kind Of sew
ing they particularly devote themselves
TOP" Reverend-"I regret to say, my
friend, that they devote themselves
most assiduously to sowing tho seeds Of
scandal.-Richmond Dispatch.