Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1890-04-01
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

What tho American dudes need
most is the massage treatment applied
with a club.-Minneapolis Tribune.
-"Give the boys chance" says q
trade journal. Nonsense; the boys take
too many chances now; that's the
trouble. Brooklyn Eagle.
John, dear" she said, 'if were
to die would you marry again?" al
might, my love-" he replied. "but
should go tribe less recklessly than
! did before. Once Week.
We never wondered at tho ease
with which David killed Goliah with
his little sling. Many better man
than Goliah has since fallen ayictim to
the little sling.
--Husband-"It takes you half an
hour or more to find your pocket,
doesn't itP" Wife (sweetly)-"Yes,
about that, John, dear, but it takes you
longer than that at ii es."-Epoch.
Miss Lovelorn - 1.-The professor
says | have the inventive genius"
Miss Cauitique-"Perhaps you mis-
understand him. No doubt he meant
you were full OF new wrinkles. IN.
Y. Sun.
Some men in this world are self
made, but good many more wouldn't
amount to any thing but for their
wives; and their wives are not dis
posed to let them forget it, either
Somerville Journal.
There is one beautiful thing about
the present fashion Of wearing knee
breeches In the summer, 1t gives the
impecunious young man show to cut
off his expenses and his old trousers
legs at the same time. Puck.
Health journals insist upon repos-
ing on the right side only and claim it
is injurious to lie on both sides, but we
don't know where they will find a
Notwithstanding set OF men than
lawyers. -Salem (Ore.) Statesman.
-Griggs Creating a friend from out
of town)-"This is the finest saloon
(hic) in the city, Brown. They have
an enormous business. do all my
drinking here" Brown-"ls that so,
Griggs? They must have an enormous
business. Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Henpeck Cooking up from
pape0-'I see the question of easy
marriage and divorce is attracting
great attention." Mr.. Henpeck lab
sently)-"Quite right, quite right.
Marriage should be made extremely
difficult, in fact almost impossible. -
Philadelphia Record.
Mr.. Henpecls (meaningly)-"Ella
Wheeler Wilcox says all girls should
be sunny" Mrs. Henpeck-"Huh!
Most girls are sunny. Its after they
become women and begin living with a
husband that all the sunshine goes
out OF their life" Mr.. Henpeck sub
sides. Y. Weekly.
-Freeman-"Don't you think this
doctrine OF infant damnation n horri-
BILE one?" Sours (slowly)--"Well, |
don't know. l used to think that way.
but since the Howler family and their
new baby moved next door to me am
kind of wavering, kind of wavering.-
Lowell Citizen.
--Touche (airily)-"What! Work.
ing, old man? I'm just Off for the dog
show" Bilious (wearily) - what
prize are you trying for?n Touche
(angrily)- We'll, sir. "rm not en-
tered in the puppy list, at any rate"
Bilious promptly -"Thanks, awfully.
That gives my pup a walk-over."-N.
Y. Herald.
Mrs. Jason-"Jehiel, I've had the
awfullest scare. opened the door and
found the worst-looking tramp ever
saw. Why. l couldn't say a word for
ten minutes" Mr. Jason-"Do you
know which way he went? would
like to get his makeup il 1t had that
effect. "-Terre Haute Express.