Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-08-06
TEA TABLE SALAD.

-CNlcugO f'OSt
"WHAT did the professor say when he
heard he was the father of twlns?"
He just said 'gemini p"-Te,re Hdaae
Express.
Oh, Mother Earth, receive thine own;
BY thee first was nursed,
came to greet thee, humble. prone
The hammock strings have burst.
= Washington Post
A PHILADELPHIA man claims that he
will shortly fly without the aid of wings.
1t is conjectured that he will start from
a bank.-Rana's Horn.
SOME of our congressman would be
only too glad to break their records if
they knew where they could hide the
pieces Philodelphia Times.
AMERICAN Hello, John, did you ever
see mill race? %
Chinaman-"No, but me hab ofn seen
milwaukee, ."-Trenton Times.
CUMso-"J aysmith is penurious, isn't
he ?" Fangle-'I should say he was !
He won't even laugh at joke unless it
is at some one else's expense. Epoch.
WIFE-''John, this is nice time to
come home" Husband-"Y but
(hic) it's nuzzin to re nice time ies afore
(hicJ I cum. Epoch.
On, I'm engaged TO Pete and John.
And Abner, James and Earl
And Henry, William, George and Ion,
For I'm summer girl
-Rapa's Ba=ar
tWHY did the men strike up at the
vinegar factory?"
Because the cider was working more
than ten hours a day Youths Com
pdniOn.
HOLD on, said a young man to
Willie Washington, L want to talk to
you about a second"
''Weally Going to fight duel ?''-
Washington Post.
Have you ever seen the
prisoner at the barr" Witness-''Nev-
er, your honor, but I've seen him when
[ strongly suspected he'd been at it,
Bioghampt0n Leader.
ToMDICK-'"The women of the present
day can't make such pies as our moth
ers did,"
McClammy-''No; it's a lost tart. .
Chicago Inter Ocean.
GOT up in de mawnin',
Dew was on de grass;
Saw q big, fat melOn-
Couldn't let it pass.
Carve it, carve it, carve it to de core;
If ever you git one good slice you're bound to
-Aaanta Constitution.
LADY-"I want a girl"
Keeper of an Intelligence Ofice-"I
have fifty, just imported.
Lady-"Yes, but [ wish domestic"
-LoaCeU Citizen.
SHOPPER you take me for tur-
key, Simeral? ?"
SimeralE''No; why
Snooper-"Then stop trying to stuff
me with chestnuts. . West Shore.
AND now the sweet girl graduate
Her ba ok on Sy1logisms turns,
And, sitting on her pas front steps,
She yearns and yearns and yearns and yearns.
Boston Gazette.
"SHp' exclaimed Tommy, listening at
the door. There's company in the
parlor." Glow do you know? in
CURED Willie. Mammals calling papa
my love- % Chicago Tribune
He Ealing on his knees)-"O Mary,
may address you on the subject of
marriage? ?"
She 9'EYou may if you can dress me
after marriage. Boston Courier.
Mrs. CUMso-"You've seen these dol
lar dinner bills-of-fare in the house
hold magazines?" Mrs. Fangle-"Y :;
| got, one up the other day" GLOW
much did it cost you ?'' 'Three dollars
and half '-Puck
l wish some n illionaire would sink
Far out upon the sea,
And leave the price Of one cold drink
legacy to me.
Or, if that can't be done for me,
would that / could fly
To far-off, fowery beds of ease,
And lie, and lie and lie.
Ashland Press.
"PRErTY hard work ditching, isn't it,
Terrence ?" ''Sure, it's not the work l
moind, but what's breaking me heart is
I'm the only American on the job.
The rest is all Eyetalians. ''-Brook1yo
Life.
IF things go on III the base ball world
as they are now doing, we may read,
next July, an advertisement like this:
"Wanted-A man to pitch hay. Must
have all the curves Wages SIS a month
and board ''-DetrCit Free Press.
WROTE a verse to Maud, and sang
Of her sweet face, dotted with dimples,
I've lost her now And I'd like to hang
The printer who printed it 'pimples.
Light.
"A MAID to clerk in grocery store said,
'Saigh,
How much will you charge to give me weighT
The clerk gaZed at the maid SO killing and
gaigh,
With eyes as bright morning in Maigh,
And said: If you re to be given aWeigh,
Rather than see you marry some jaigh,
III take you myself just name the daigh.
Terds Sifti,t5s.
.DID you say your son was studyin'
law" asked Mrs. McGurley of her