Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-03-20
Talk OF THE DAY.

cough drop.
Landlady--"I Iow do you like your
aggsp" Boarder-- "Fresh."
The peal OF banana has falling
infection. -Yonkers Gazette.
The squirrel seeks warmer climb
by going to the sunny side OF tree.
An engagement is a delicate thing.
You can't drop Que without breaking.
The man with strong mind who is
asked to mind the baby generally
doesn't mind it.
The true humorist never smiles
that is, unless somebody else pays for
it,
1t is not we'll for stranger to go
alone to bank when he wishes TO get
loan.
The Washington Star thinks il is
Glove and liquor that makes the world
go round"
After the proposal-And do you love
him, child? Love him, mammal I've
seen his bank book.
While the true American does not
believe in king he will bet his last
cent on four of them.
The less a pair OF lovers have to
say, when sitting up O. nights, the
longer it takes them to say it.
Two of the wealthiest men in the
west are said to have been messenger
boys. 1t pays 10 go slow, after all.
People who are porpetually preach
ing that honesty is the best policy do
not always keep their policies paid up.
THE plot thickens," as Fogg re-
marked when he sank ankle deep in
the mud on the site OF his late kitchen
garden.
Teacher: james had sixteen APP
pies and ate fifteen" Small boy in men.
tai arithmetic: "How in thunder did
he do it?'
Dignity is good thing; but II
you're in the rear OF big crowd, and
wish to see the procession. don't stand
on it, Get on a barrel. Puck.
An item on etiquette says: "Do not
smack your lips at the dinner table"
IL might have added that it is not de
rlgueur to smack other peoples lips
there, either.
Little Miss Fanny: ~ say, Bob.
can you tell me what widower tsp"
Master Bob Gagged 81: Don't know,
Fanny unless it's the husband of
widow. Judge.
Minister Ito choir leader)-"I see
you have dispensed with Mr.. Deep
tones services" Choir leader-"Yes
sir; ! thought change of base desir-
able."--Pittsburg Chronicle.
Dalkins-I hear you are going to
| start paper devoted to women. Have
you decided on the policy of it? Ink
sum-Yes. 1t is going to be altogeth-
er about en.-Town Topics.
The imperfect simile-"i am like a
| tree" he observed, as the clock struck
IL. II am rooted at your side"
Eyes, but you never leave, do you?'
said the maiden, sweetiy. And then
he put forth.
Brother do you not feel concerned
| for your soul?n asked the deeply sim
cere revivnlist My sole's all rigt,"
replied Farme err Fifewheat, .ef the
gosh blame uppers don't gin out on
| me-"
Prisoner at the BAR" said a North
| Dakota judge, ''your offense deserves
to be punished by the state with a
term of ten years in prison; but as the
state is very hard up at present l will
give you only five years"
An American editor incautiously
signed his name to typewriter testl-
monial, in which he says: Your type
writer is a splendid companion for a
busy editor The decree for divorce
has not been granted but it is pending.
Boss-"This makes the third day
now that you haven't shiued my
shoes" Cuffy-''Dar's no blackin' in
de house, sab" '.Why didn't you tell
me before?" "Bekase I was afreed
you mout buy box. Texas Siftings.
Mean business man Seems to me
you take a good while for lunch.
You've been gone an hour and half
and yet restaurants are as thick
as hops about here. Poorly-paid
clerh-I was hunting for a place
within my means. York Weekly.
The peacemaker: Don't you know
it is very wrong to fight, little boy:
What does the good book say?" Tom
my (who has just polished off the class
bully) dunno. | amt read it nc
further than David an Gerlire. "
| Puck.
Little sister: Ma wants you, Sam
my. Where have you been?" Sammy:
''Fishin'." Little sister: .'Did you
catch anything?" Sammy (sadly):
.Nothin't all" Little sister (reassur-
ingly): ooh, but you will when you
get home"
| Landlord -"Sir, | to you come, no.
tice to give, that you have not me paid
for six months penny. OF that not
word will say, but you are to my
vile love-making, and that must i'm.
mediately to an end come next MONTH"
German Wit.
One day Ernest had been seriously
lectured by his mother, and finally
which he was to be punished. He re-
any switch, mamma; but here's stone
you may throw at me-"
Sunday school teacher-"Now tell
me what the Epstles arep" FRS,
scholar a. dunno" Second scholar
81 does" Teacher well, John.
ny, what are the Epistlesp" Second
scholar-"Ihe Epistles are the wives
of the Apostles. America
Anxious Wife Doctor. how is my
husband9 Doctor-He will come
around all right. What he needs now
is quiet, have here couple of OPT
ates. when shall | give them II
himg' Give them to him? They
are for yoG, madame. Your husband
needs rest
A man will trust his friend with hii
family happiness. his honor, life itself.
but when lie sits down TO game OF
poker with the same friend he'll watch
him-wel!, if you've ever played poke,
you know all about it; il you haven't
it isn't necessary that you should. -
Philadelphia Inquirer
Minnie: Il had such shock last
evening. just as | started to go into
the house n great, horrid man jumped
out from behind IA tree and tried to
kiss me. What do you think OF that?"
Mamie: 81 think it is the most cause.
less and uncalled-for thing / ever
heard of.'-Terra Haute Express
Ma, said Willie, who had been ia
the missionary sewing society with his