Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-01-01


baby in the house has a place for ev-
erything-and the baby knows where
it is.-Somerville Journal.
81 think we ought to have the
fuchsia for our national flower"
"Why soi" I'VE have great fuch-
sia before us.-N. Y. Commercial
Advertiser.
Trusts, just now, are being squeez-
ed. This is one reason why, in despite
of pessimistic warnings, the average
young man continues to put his trust
in lovely woman.-Ex.
On pretty girl saying to Rufus
Choate, 81 am very sad, you see," he
replied
"Oh, no; you belong to the other
Jewish sect. You are very fair, l
see" ."-Ex.
Binks-"What pity that Smithers
can't keep sober! / just saw him
down the street." Jinks-"Loaded
for bar, as usual ?" Binks-"Load-
ed from bar, I thought. Lawrence
American.
At Niagara--Old Mr.. Testy (re-
turning to his room after paying the
hotel bill)-"Don't touch mel I'm
not sure about my insulation, and I've
just been so heavily charged that I'm
dangerous" Puck.
Prospective father-in-law-How do
you expect to get along without a sal
airy if you are going to get married?
Young Smiley Basker-That is not
the point-how am to get along if l
don't get married ?-Time.
l hear McGinty, that yez broke yer
leg.
Then yez heard wrong, Lafferty.
Yez must think I'm a fool. 1t was
broke by accident. What would I
want to break me own leg fur $50
ciety.
"Smith, you've been married; now
give me some advice about selecting
my wedding suit"
"Well, if I were you, Jones, I'd
have check or nothing"
"a check ?"
''Yes, papa-in-law check. Chi
cago Herald.
Society: Little chick-"What do
let that ugly little thing come under
your wing for ?" Old hen (who has
inadvertently hatched ducks egg
81 can't help it, my dear. We've
got to put up with the creature be.
cause she belongs to our set, you
know."-New York Weekly.
Deserved it all.-St. Peter-"What
is your claim for recognition and ad.
mittance?" Newly arrived spirit
"In life was never guilty of confess.
ing to any annoyance from woman's
high bonnet in theater." st. Peter
-"Angelic man Here is a check
for front seat. t."-Pittsburg Bulletin.
at was ever so kind of you to bring
me this box of candy" said the young
lady to George. 81 think you are ex-
ceedingly nice."
"That's the way it goes" said
George, as he dropped another bon
bon into her mouth. "Put caramel
into the slot and get some taffy."-
Elk.
"Please tell me where / am to 90.
| was invited to see the transit of Ve-
nus"
81 am extremely sorry, madame,
but you are too late. The transit was
over 10 minutes ago."
"Oh, that's no matter. The super
intendent is friend of mine and
am sure he will have it done again for
mex.
Jimmy Tupborn Ito minister who is
dining with the family]-Didn't you
say in your sermon this morning that
there wasn't anything in this world
perfect?
Minister-Yes, / believe so. Why
do you ask 7
Oh, | heard ma say before church
time that you were perfect bore.
Epoch.
Simpson and his wife were on their
way to church and the lady was put.
ting on her gloves. my DEAR" he
said pettishly, "you should complete
your toilet at home. I'd just as soon
see woman putting on her stockings
on the street as putting on her gloves.
"Most men would" she said promptly;
and the abashed husband didn't say
J another word.-Evansville Argus.