The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-01-25
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

DE Brusshe-"Yes, I'm fairly in love
with my work" Sinnick-"Lucky loverr
You'll never have rival. Exchange.
1t takes a wise man to answer all OF
child's questions; but wise man will
never try to do it.-Somerville Journal
There is great movement on the
part of the anarchists-when the bar
keeper offers to treat to beer.-Troy
Press.
"A perpetual motion machine has not
yet been invented, but the tongue of
seven-year-old boy asking questions
comes pretty near it.-Somerville Jour-
nal.
-"What is the use O. that girl bang
ing away on the piano, Maria?" "Prac-
tice, John, Practice makes perfect"
perfect what-pandemonium?
per's Bazaar.
-Perriwink-"Aw, Mr.. Hardhead, is
it true that cigawettes affect the bwain?'
Mr.. Hardhead-"No. Those who have
brains do not smoke cigarettes"
-Wife--"James, do you know that
you are very small man?" Husband
''How ridiculous 1 am nearly six feet
in height" Wife-"That makes no diff
ference; whenever ask you for money
to go shopping you are always Short
Boston Gazette.
-Bluffins Perfect nonsense The
idea of the Bloaters giving themselves
airs on account of their ancestry" Mug
gins-"Yes. Why, Clara Bloater told
me the other evening that their lineage
could be traced to old CASTLE" Blufins
"Bah! She meant CASTLE soap
America.
Mrs. Rustler Ito her husband)-"I
certainly wish, dear, that you would
keep up appearances more and dress
better. Now look at Mr.. Slasher, who
moves in our set, how stylish he is
Rustler-"You forget. dear, that it was
but recently that Slasher failed."-
Clothier and Furnisher.
ibid it ever strike you that dancing
is sinfnl?" inquired young DR.. Gauche
of an accomplished young society woman.
"Well," she responded, reproachful
look in her eyes, when notice the
way some people dance, it does strike
me good deal that way."-Washingt
Capital.
Extracting amusement from misery:
Mudge-''My brother bill was in to see
me to-day" Phillips-"I never knew
you had brother" Mudge-''I haven't.
l mean the livery bill l incurred the
evening Miss Willets gave me the priv
ilege of being brother to her."-Terre
Haute Express.
Nine. Chaperone-"Is Mr.. -
professional man?" Miss Prue-"I don't
know" Nine. Chaperone-"Is he a
man of brains?" Miss Prue-T don't
know that either" Nine. Chaperone-
'Why, aren't you acquainted with him?''
Miss Prue-"Yes, but I've met him only
in society. boston Post.
Young man," said an old gentle
man to a reporter, ''do you expect to
next world?" 81 hadn't thought of
that, sir. Why do you ask?" "Because
if you do you can write up glowing ac-
counts of things without being far out of
the way."-Merchant Traveller.
AT rough estimation.-First pas
senger standing in car)-''I'm going to
make that man move up and give me half
of his seat" Second passenger-"Go
slow; that's old Specie. Do you know
what that man is worth?" First passen-
ger-'If pork is eight cents a pound,
live weight, should think he ought to-
be worth SIG easy enough. Puck.
"A professor of music demands a.
higher standard of merit in theater Or
chestras. He says: "The theatrical Or
chestra of to-day is regarded by many
managers as sort of device for killing
time between the acts" This may be
true; but some orchestras seem to be
more in the nature of device for kill
ing the audience between the acts
Norristown Herald.