Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1890-02-05
Jerryr says I; that's the first thing to

bills to pay tomorrow for lumber and
bricks, and my third will pay 'em. If l
don't I'll go to pieces. You don't want
to see me break up business, do you?'
Now, jerry, says L, that won't do You
haven't got enough to divide into three
parts. Putty and me agreed to 60 halves
with what we get out of you, and when
| lay out a piece OF business l don't
make no changes. Half of that money
is for me, and half is for Putty So just
hand it out, and don't let's have no
more jabberin'.'
:. Jerry he looked at me pretty hard
and then says he: You're about the
close-fsted and meanest man ever met
with. Here offer you a third part of
my money, and all you've got to do is to
take it and go away peaceable. I'd be
wtlljn' to bet two to one that it's more
than you expected to get, and yet you
are not satisfied; now I'll be hanged If
I'm going to do business for you.' sYou
can be hanged If you like says /, but
you'll do the business all the same NO,
1 WON'T says he, and he turns to Putty
Henderson. Now, Putty says. he,
you've got pile more sense than this
pal of yourn, and I'm goin' to see if
can't do business with you. Now, you
and me together can lick this Tommy
Randall just as easy as not, and II you'll
help me do it I'll not only divide the
money with you, but I'll give you hfty
dollars extra, so that instead of fifteen
hundred and fifty ydollars-that'sa all he'd
gwen you, if he didn't cheat yop--you'l
have sixteen hundred, and IN have If
teen hundred instead of the thousand
and thirty-three dollars which l would
have had left if my first offer had been
took. So, Putty, what do you say to
that" Now, Putty he must have been
a little sore with me on account of the
arguments we'd had about dividin',
and he was mighty glad besides
to get the chance of maxim fifty dollars
extry, and so he said it was all right,
and he'd agree. Then thought it was
about time for me to take in some of
my sail, and says L: Jerry, that's pref
ty good joke, and you can take my hat
as soon as get new one, but of course
/ don't mean to be hard on you, and if
you really have bills to pay tomorrow
FL take third, and Putty'll take an
other, and We'll go away peaceful No
you WON'T sings out Jerry, and with
that he jumps out of bed right at me,
and Putty Henderson he comes at me
from the other side, and, between the
two, they gave me the worst ickin'
ever got in my born days; and then
they dragged me downstairs and
kicked me out of the front door, and
had hardly time to pick myself up be-
fore saw policeman about block off,
and if he hadn't been fat one he'd had
me sure. 1t wouldn't have been pleas
ant, for was good deal wanted about
that time.
$50 you see, ladies and gents, that it's
true what said-things don't always go
right in our line of business no more
than any other one.''
81 think you were served exactly
right" said Aunt Martha; ''and 1 won
der such an experience did not induce
you to reform"
''It did, ma'am, it did," said the burg
lar. 81 made VOW that night that if
ever again had to call in any one to
help me in business of that kind /
wouldn't go pard with him. I'd pay
him SO much for the job, and I'd take
the risks, and I've stuck to it.
But even that don't always work.
Luck sometimes goes agin man, even
when he's working by himself. / re-
member thing of that kind that was
beastly hard on me. A gentleman en-
ployed me to steal his daughter"
'What" exclaimed my wife and Aunt
Martha. ''Steal his own daughter!
What do you mean by tbat?"
That's what it was," said the stout
burglar, mo more nor less. was rec
commended to the gent as q reliable
party for that sort of thing, and I met
MIN to talk it over and then he told me
just how the case stood. He and his
wife were separated, and the daughter,
about eleven years old, had been given
to her by the court, and she put her into
boarding school, and the gent he was
goin' to Europe and he wanted to get the |
little gal and take her with him. He |
tried to get her once and it slipped pp,
and so there wasn't no good In his show |
in hisseH at the school any more, which |
was in the country, and he knowed that
if ne expected to get the gal he'd have
to hire professional to attend to it.
''Now, when heard what he had to |
say, put on the strict pious, and, says
I, That's pretty bad thing you're askin.
me TO do. SIR, to carry away a little gal |
from its lovin' mother, an more AN
that, to take it from a school where it's
gettin' all the benefits of eddication.'
'Eddication,' says he; that's all stun.
What eddication the gal gets at school !
like that isn't worth row of pins, and
when they go away they don't know
nothtn' useful, nor even any thing tip-
top ornamental. All they've learned is
the pianer and higher mathematics. As
for any thin useful, they're nowhere.
There isn't one of them could bound
New Jersey or tell you when Washing
ton crossed the Delaware That NAV
he, sir. says I, but them higher branch
es comes useful. If Washington
really did cross the Delaware,
yourr little gal could ask somebody
when it was, but she couldn't ask ,em
hcw the pianer was played, nor what
the whole multiplication table came to
added up. Them things she'd have to
learn how to do for herself. give you
my word, sir, couldn't take q little
gal from school where She was gettin'
number one eddication, silver forks
and towels extry.' The gent looked
pretty gium, for he was to sail the next
day, and if didn't do the job for him
he didn't know who would, and he said
that be was sorry TO see that was goin'
back on him after the recommend I'd
had, and said that wouldn't go back
on him if it wasn't for my conscience.
was ready to do any common piece of
business, but this stealin' away little
gals from lovin' mothers Eas leetie
to- much for me, Well, says he, there
amt no time to be lost, and how much
more will satify your conscienceg
When / said a hundred dollars Wa
struck the bargain
"Weli. We cut and dried that business
pretty straight. ! took cab and went
mt +r. i