The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-01-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

Circumstances alter caSeS-eSpeclally
financial circumstances in legal cases.
Puck.
One would naturally expect to find
muggy atmosphere in beer saloon
Tarre Hdute Express.
Crying piece when there is no piece
Boy asking for pie when the pantry
is empty.-Boston Herald.
i good many people are first-class
Christians until the contribution box
comes around. Someruiile journal.
WAS Miss Yellowleafs portrait
good likeness?n 1T must have been;
She refused to take it from the artist.
Life.
Talk about dress as you please, but
it is the man employed at the abattoir
who wears the killing costumes
Boston Courier.
1t is strange that the man who is
dead in love with himself should be
hated by every body who knows him.
Boston transcript.
Go where duty calls, but turn in and
help when you get there. Don't stand
around with your hands in your peck
etS.-IeIdS SyttH9S.
Little Freddy Cooking at the type
writer in his fathers office)-What
makes typewriters 60, papa?" Papa
Your mother. Time.
Yes, there is plenty of room at the
top, and there always will be unless
facilities for getting there are improv-
ed.-Bingdnaton Herald.
Bounced-"Ho did you come out
in your interview with Miss Billions
father?" Through the window. >
N. Y. Commercial AdUertiser.
did you have spicy call?" she
asked sarcastically, after his return
from the haunt of the festive Glove be-
tween the acts.-Detroit Free Press.
If your heart is larger than your
head you injure yourself, and if your
head is larger than your heart you in
jure your MISREPRESENTATION Globe.
Tommy Paw, what is the last
word in the dictionary" Mr.. Figg-
Il don't know. Don't bother me. Go
ask your mother. ''-Terre Haute En-
press.
The partner who fixes up the books
to the manifest advantage of his own
department of the ledger may be called
a victim of add-vice- Merchant TrGU-
eler.
There is one point in favor of the
man that laughs at his own jokes. You
are never in doubt as to- whether he
intended to be funny.-Ie1v'e Haute
ETpress.
70 In 70,
apples, Amanda? Just leave them out
where the small boys can get at them.
If they don't evaporate then they never
will.-Iime
Fond Husband My dear, you know
l promised you diamond necklace
this year. Helpful Wife-s'I know
YOU did, but let it go-the water pipes
burst last night. IN. Y. Weekly.
Visitor-''Th portrait is very fine,
but you seem to have devoted more
time 10 the hands than to the face"
Artist = That's So You see the
hands pay over the money. "-zeras
SJtings.
Peter-''On your prospects will de-
pend my acceptance of you as SON
in-law." Would-be on-in-law-''H 'mi
Well, my prospects depend entirely on
your acceptance of me as your son-in-
law."-LVe.
DR.. Killiman-"Good morning, Mr..
Berrywell. How's business?" Mr. Ber-
ryweIl (undertaker) = Very good,
thank your Go get the full force of
this joke bear down very hard on the
word you. )-Lye.
She (suggestively) = Harry, isn't
that a grand picture of the 'Angelus'?
Those poor peasants bowling for min
ute in prayer when they hear the
church bell that tells them it is supper
time. ~. 7. San.
A man who was deeply in debt was
sick unto death. All" he sighed, IF
I could only live until I had paid off
my debts" ''Humph!' sneered the
doctor biuntly, you want to live for
ever, do you?"-Teras sytimgs.
Mr.. Waxear-' Glad to see young
Tocksin up in the choir, Mr.. Chorister
Estimable young man; well read in the
law, too" Chorister-''He may be
read in the law, my friend, but he's
yeller in the choir. - onkers Ga
zefte.
Charles Gin love)-"But YOU should
see her eyes when she is angry. They
flash like lightning" John (been
there)-"Yes, or when she's looking
for new beau. Then she keeps em
peeled like thunder. -Biaghan,ton Re-
publican.
Jones' Hello, Smith; back from
tho Nn-t IL, L i
out there?" Smith Started paper"
Jones-"Aha! What was the name of
it?" Smith-''A subscription paper to
get me back East again "-Buriington
Free Press.
II don't see how Mrs. McGay can
afford to wear so many tips on her hat.
There is a row of them all the way
round the brim." Afford ito l Won
der that she hasn't he whole hat made
of tips. Her husband is hotel waiter,
you now."-Judge.
Attorney-..And now, Mr.. McCarty,
we will hear your opinion, as an ex-
pert, of the building Contractor Me
Carty-It was bad, very bad, sor. 1t
couldn't have been 4 worse job, your
Amer. if it had been paid for in adj
vance. "-1erre Haute Express.
Woman-'Here, take this coat
Tramp know it's going to be
hard winter, but style or nothing is my
motto. Fashion DEGREES that single
breasted ulsters shall be worn, and YOU
will notice, madam, that this coat has
two rows of buttons. l cannot take it,"
Boston Herald.
First Little Boy-"My pops Meth
odist; what's yours?n Second Little
Boy-'Mine is a theosophist." The
osophist? What's that?" II don't
know" why don't you ask your
pop?" Il did, but from the way he
looked | guess he doesn't know either
N. T. Weekly.