The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1890-11-28
THE ARIZONA KICKER.

Ehat Progressive Journal.
NoTIcE.-If tho party yho threw tho
brick at us last Tuesday night as we
stood on the corner of Apache avenue
and Green street will call at QUE office
he will hear Of something to his adj
vantage We can make him realize in
about five minutes that mon of his talent
are wasting their time in this country.
He can also make his choice of 1865
eligible sites in our private bury,ng
ground free OF charge. Como earlyand
avoid the rush.
No BooM.-For two straight wears the
Kicker has persistently opposed the idea
OF boom to attract attention to our
town. We have watched this boom bust
ness in scores of other places, and in
every instance it has resulted disas-
trously. Our course has aroused tho ire
OF certain spectators, but we shall con-
tlnue 1T just the same. We've got 200
acres of cactus pasture which we Should
like to dispose of to some Ohio farmer
who wants to better his condition and
who could be worked up to part with
SO, 600 in cash, but we haven't tho check
We own half mile of side hill, which
won't even grow rattlesnakos, but we
haven't the gall to boom it for a peach
orchard million years hence we may
have six railroads hero, but wo can't
force ourselves to whoop-la! hurrah!
over the prospect. We own about four
teen billion dollars worth of wildcat
mining stock, every mine being in tho
clouds. and but for our honesty we'd
proceed to boom and unload. We arc at
the head of company to turn the Pa
cihc Ocean into the deserts Of tho West
president of an arteSian we'll company
secretary Of the Great Strawberry
Growers Association. otc, etc, but wo
were born honest and we cant look a
tcnder-foot in the eve aud lie to him.
No, gentlemen, this town is what it
is and no more. 1t isn't going to DO a
second Chicago. 1t has no Niagara
Falls There isn't even good fishing
within thirty miles OF u.s. We simply
have the great Arizona Kicker, l4S sa-
looms, sixteen gambling houses, fivo
stores and population of 3SUO souls,
most of which will take 1.-The other road"
when the Judgment day arrives That's
all, and those who don't want to como
IAN stay away.
PERSONAL Judge Embro, who
has been absent at Tucson for tho past
two weeks returned last night, and, as
usual, found the judge so drunk that he
couldn't tell her from Digger Indian
Sho didn't go away for her general
health, but to get over black eye in
ticted by tho judge in one of his sober
moments.
CALLS FOR SYMPATHY Major Nc
Knight, our popular and efficient city
clerk, mot with q sad accident last Sun
DAY. Whilo trying to enjoy drunk, a
hammock, smoke and snoozo at the
same timo. he SGT himself on fire and
was so badly burned that he will not be
out Of his bod for two weeks. The major
has many friends who will sympathize
with him in his misfortunes.
INTHE WRoNG.-''II Handsome Charlie"
the genial and enterprising proprietor
of ''The Black Swan" saloon, has called
at this Office and convinced US that wo
were wrong in stating that ne had
killed seven men and was a dangerous
character. His list includes only four
men, all laid away in self-6efense, and
so far from being dangerous he says
that no has refused to put up fly-screens
this summer out of general pity for the
poor flies. lilo Il so has pictures of three
different angels On the walls of his bed
room.
We cheerfully make the correction,
not because the gentleman subscribed
for five copies of the Kicker to be sent
to his friends and gavo us a $50 'ad,"
which will DO found elsewhere, but TO-
cause we wish to do all mon Justice
FAIR WAENING.-B Stays, tho cat
ing-housc man, has mado public threats
to wiring our nose on the streets. The
trouble dates back to year ago, when
Ben tried to pass some cactus soup on us
for mock turtle.
Ben may attempt to wiring our nasal
organ. He may even figure that he can
succeed. We give him fair warning,
however, that he'll have to be prepared
to dodge six bullets. and il he doesn't
happen to BIO quick enough it won't
l