The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1890-09-04
PATIENT AND FAITHFUL.
A Seven Foot CYclops Who Was
Willing to Consider Her Pros
pective Mistress References.

and kettles, my eye CHANGED to fall
upon a sort of millennial dawn adver-
tisement, which | fastened to answer
in person. "a kind, patient, elderly
grill" kept rolling it over and over
like a sweet morsel as / hied on my
way. How nice it will be, thought l,
to come home, worn and broken with
a hard days toll, and meet the honest
face of a domestic of the good, old
fashioned type. sKindr' All, how
she will run to loosen the buttons of
my damp boots and incase my weary
feet in warm and comfortable slippers.
''Patientm
With what tender touch she will
smooth the cushion for my head when
| drop in strong Mysteries (superin-
duced by mental overstrain) upon the
lounge. sFaithful!" How grandly
she will pose, when the irate trades
man presents his long overdue bill
for payment, and say:-'Only over
my cold and pulseless body, minion,
shall you gain admission to the pres
ence of my harassed mistress" FL
derly!' How | shall bask in the ZEN
cradle aspect of her gray locks and
revel in the sound of her ancient
treble when she me to sup
per. ALI these thoughts fitted like
bees in the buckwheat as l sped along
upon my weary way.
/ wish you could have been with
me half an hour later as | retraced
my steps, and, as the birds seek shell
| ter from the storm, flew back to my
home. The kind, patient, faithful,
elderly girl proved to be seven feet
high and furnished with only one
eye. She was all bones and red calico.
She talked in the tone of an officer in
action who requests his men to
charge upon the foe. She questioned
me SO infinitely as to my life, both
past and present, that | told more
lies in five minutes than aver before
in the course of my life.
1t is embarrassing to yield choice
bits of family history to a stranger. |
said that | was married because she
ought to be. She asked me how
changed his linen. | told her that he
changed daily, but, seeing that it an
noyed her, l fastened to affirm that
he wore white linen only on Sundays,
the rest of the time he got along with
cardigan jackets! She asked me if /
had any children and / committed
myself by saying yes" But seeing
she looked dissatisfied | added
''They live with their grandmother
in Paris, though" Finally, after /
had endangered my immortal soul
with fictitious statements and
was wondering how | could ever es-
cape from her presence and my right
eous doom (she stood between me and
the door, she put an end to the in
terview by saying, haughtily.-
IF Yell give me your reference1W
let yez know within the wake" As |
handed her my card, after writing
upon it the name and address of a po-
tentate who never lived, | decided to
select a less luxuriantly worded adj
vertisement next time.
That night, as the Young Person
and I did up" the supper dishes, |.
asked her:-''Child, wouldn't you
rather do this work yourself than see
in this kitchen a female Cyclops seven
feet high and with q pair of cheek
bones that set you thinking of the
cliffs of Dover?n And the Young Per-
son answered:-"Yea, verify; ven to
all eternity"
Girls, Stand Erect.
Mrs. Jenness Miller says that the
STOPPING habit acquired in early life
by many women is largely responsible
for the ills which they undergo in
later years. No intelligent person
needs to be taught that if, for in
stance, the chest is depressed, all the
organs below are correspondingly
affected, and if lung troubles do not
follow this pernicious habit, other
difficulties equally serious will. 1t is
because, moreover. of this habit that
the forms of so many women become,
ever in early womanhood, ill-shaped
and gross with p~rotruding abdomens
and u~ngraceful outlines. If by care
lessness in the position of the body
the muscles are allowed to become
lax, there is a gradual settling down
of the entire figure, which is a ruin
to grace as it is detrimental to
health.
If women could acquire in early
years the habit of walking, standing
and breathing correctly there would
be little need to resort to art for the
secrets of artificial comeliness. TO
stand so that the organs of the body
shall be held in proper position is the
surest way to keep the form free and
redundant in grace and motion. To
breathe correctly is to keep the blood
free from impurities and to have the
complexion pure and beautiful; it is
not possible, however, to breathe
correctly unless the dress is SO ar
ranged as to allow perfect freedom to
all the organs, hence a study of hy-
gienic dress must not be neglected
in connection with all these other
things.
The Girl and Woman.
No friendship is SO cordial or so de-
licious as that of girl for girl; no
hatred so intense and immovable as
that of woman for In youth
you love one above the others OF your
sex; in ripper age you hate all, more or
less, in proportion to similarity of ac-
complishments and pursuits. -Lan-
dor.
A Useful Sweeping Apron.
] saw a few days since a new idea
for a sweeping or busting apron. 1t
was made of unbleached muslin.
There was a hem down each side to
about eighteen inches from the top,
fastened on the upper edge with a
brier stitch Of yellow silk. Each
lower corner of the apron was