The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1890-07-27

the building They found that beyond
few bricks being knocked from the chimney
no damage had been done, and that the cur
rent had not touched the woodwork any
where. Just where the burning brand came
from is mystery.-Philadelphl Record,
July 10th.
TO LAUGH AT.
Short Amusing Paragraphs Written by
English Humorist.
In the cleaning oh my darling
When cOme.thine eyes TO see,
Tie the dog up, tie him tightly,
Then IN feel it's safe for me.
Householder Ito suspicious character)-
What do you want?
Suspicious Character 0houghtfully)-I
dunno; what yer got?
Irate Father-I wonder what makes my
razor so dull?
Angel Child--Dull, papa? Why, it was
beautiful and sharp when L made my boat
with it yesterday.
'Did the murderer make any confess
sion?" asked the editor of the reporter.
Not word"
"Was he resigned to his fate?''
HE appeared to be at first, but toward
the last he did considerable kicking"
Frank" said Mabel, tenderly, doesn't
it seem ages between Tuesday and Satur-
day night?"
Eyes, indeed" replied Frank, thought
lessly; sometimes it seems as though
payday would never come"
First Miss-What handsome mustache
that gentleman has.
Second Missiles; but think it must be
very disagreeable to have mustache on
your lip.
First Miss-It isn't though.
Second Miss-How do you knOw5
Deceitful Signboard.- of fsh-pond
Ito one who is trespassing)-Don't you see
that sign, mo Fishing Here?
Angler with an injured, air)-Yes, and
1 dispute it. Why, there's good fishing
here; look at this s!ringful. The man
must have been mad who put that board
up.
A gay bachelor has a curious decoration
over his sitting-roOm mantel. a large
frame is filed with photographs of girls
and women, most of them pretty. at the
bottom of each picture is pasted news
paper clipping.
"Why, Mr.. Brown, what do they mean ?"
he was asked recently.
'They are pictures of the only girls l
ever loved" lie replied, land these clippings
are their marriage notices"
Making 1t Easy for Him." Miss Ka-
jones'" began the youth in faltering
He had risen to his feet but lie looked
nerv0usly about the cosy front parlor, sud-
denly paused and sat down again.
With a casual and apparently unconscious
motion of her superb hand and arm the
young woman drew down the blind.
What were you about to say, MIR. Hank
insonp" she inquired.
Algernon-Oh, Arabella. / must have some
thing as a keepsake. Give me a lock of
that beautiful hair?
Arabella-No, sir, 1 will not. I'd have
you to know that my hair costs money.
Dropped through a crack-Brown (visibly
embarrasSed)-B pardon, Mrs. Staryeham,
but lost my pillow last night
Mrs. Staryeham-Well, what do you
want?
Brown-If you don't object. should like
to go out to the hen-house and get another
feather.
Sir" said an apprentice to his master,
when a very clever and a very stupid
person are together in one room, and the
clever one goes away, who is there left?'
why, of course, the stupid one."
Then good-by, sir, said the apprentice.
and bolted.
Stout man Gin Office of Magic Elixir Com
pany)-What's the effect of your medicine
upon a stout person?
Proprietor of Magic Elixir-It's the finest
thing in the world, sir, to reduce superflu-
Gus flesh
Thin Man Gin same Office. ten minutes
later)-How does your preparation act
upon thin man?
Proprletor-oh, it will build you up in
very shoit time. There's absolutely moth
ing like it, sir. to make flesh.
In Breach Of Promise Suit.-Judge-
Did you ever promise to mary this lady?
Defendant-If did | must have been be-
side myself and not accountable
Plaintiff Qnterrupting) you believe
it, Judge he was beside me, and never
appeared so rational in his life. Why, he
asked me II mother was going to live with us.
Judge-IIe did, Ell? Then he was in his
right mind DAMAGES 92O0O
Professor of Mineralogy (at the examina-
tion)-Where are the most diamonds found?
Candidate-At the pawnbroker's.
"a genteel carver" says book on ETH
quette. always sits when lie carves."
Carvers who get on the table and have
wrestling-match with the chicken are known
Mr.. Good (sadly)-My poor friend, how is
it that you sailor men will get on such
sprees when you come ashore?
Jack Tar-Well, Cap'n. l s'pose it's be-
cause we've been kept so long on water.
"Yes. was awfully fond of that girl, and
believed her to be perfect, but | saw some-
thing about her last night that made me
sick"
what Vas that?"
Another fellows arm"
No Stuffing There. First Boarder-Don't
you always have stuffing feeling in this
house?
Second Boarder-Not when we are in the
dining-r0om.-Spa Moments.
Mrs. John A. Logan, accompanied by General
Dstin aud his staff, Will accompany the Iowa
delegation 10 the national encampment Of the G,
A. r. at Boston, in August.
Peace on Earth
Awaits. that countless army martyrs whose ranks
are constantly recruited from the victims of ner-
vousness and nervous diseases. The price of the
boon is a systematic course OF Hostetteris Stomach