Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-11-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

Magaziae.
This umbrella of mine is unique. 1
think" All bought it, did you?"-
N. z San.
We'll, doctor. how do you find our
beefsteak?n Very small for its age"
-Fhegende Batter.
Love is blind, but lovers often make
pair of spectacles of themselves.
Great BGrrjngtOn NeaCS.
You can generally get point on in
sect life by making yourself familiar
with the bee. -Ieras SJtjpgs.
1t is probably called organized la
bor'' because it is disorganized so often
by strikes. N0rriStOWn Herald.
The beauty in amateur theatricals
lies in their realism-there is seldom
any acting in them.-Einaira Gazette.
Maddox" The faith cure has reach
ed Chicago" Gazzam-"Have they
tried it on their hams yet?"-West
Shore.
1t is better to wear out than to rust
out; but men are a good deal like their
coats; when worn out they get rusty.
-Puck.
After ALL the only way to profit by
| the experience of others and avoid
their troubles is to die young.-Atchi-
son Globe.
My nerves are fairly shattered.
'That's good. Now throw away the
pieces and you'll be all right. "-Har-
per's Baaar.
1t is good policy to tell the truth,
because if you don't you can't expect
to be believed when you tell lie.-
Burlington Free Press.
Speak no evil of the absent; that is
cowardly. Likewise, speak no evil of
the present: you might get licked
Indianapolis Journal.
Gagg-'I like Frankleigh for one
thing; when he doesn't know thing
he says So" Waggs-''I should think
he could talk forever. "-Judge.
A youthful reader wastes a two
cent stamp to inform US that the best
kind of paper to makes kites of is fly
paper Bjnghanton Republican.
Teacher-'W why did Caesar hesitate
on the banks of the Ruoicon?" Bad
Boy-"Because he didn't have any
bathing suit. "-Harper's Bazaar.
How is it that Dumley and Fumley,
who used to be such close friends, are
now enemies?" They started to room
together. '-LaWreaace ADVERTISER.
First Tradesman-''Is he a gentle
man?" Second Tradesman-"Well,I
suppose so. He doesn't pay his debts
till you make him do so."-PucG.
Have you a typewriter" Yes"
what kindP" Red haired and
freckled. They do better work than
Recamier blondes. IN. Y. Herald.
An empty pocketbook is mans
most constant friend. Others may
grow cold, but he will find no change
in the purse-Great harrington Neaos.
1T is always best to lie on the right
side" remarked the stump speaker
| when he heard of the election of the
man he had been advocating--Ieras
| Sittjpgs.
Sergeant drilling squad of raw re-
cruits) Nv hat you must never forget,
is that immobillty is the most beauti-
full movement of military exercise. y
| Courier deS Etats Ulais.
Practical Girl from the West)-
How could you say Amen to that
first prayer?" Boston Girl-''O, |
was indorsing the literary form. not
the sentiment."-LJe.
There doesn't seem to be any point
to this joke said the funny mans
wife; why did you print it?" The
managing editor got it off, )" replied the
humorist adly.-BrookLyn Life.
Wickwire-''G Going to hear the lee
ture tonight on The Young Women
of To-day?" Yabsley-''Guess not.
The young woman of tonight is more
interesting to e."-Terre Haute Er-
press.
! Il like this clock" said a customer
to the ieweler, land think I'll take it.
But does it striker" NO. SIR Then
it won't do, for I'm a walking dele
gate. Show me one that will. -
Epoch.
Mr.. Whitney House (pointing to
young Clarence Verisopht and his girD
1.-Two souls with but single
thought" Mr.. Chauncey Lake (cyni-
| callv)-''Which has it?n- Marlborough
Tribune.
MIR Boggles has a fine turnout"
remarked young man to friend who
Boggles. Yes" was the reply; che
has. | experienced it last night
Washington Post.
so the landlord has gone mad. you
say?" 20. yes, they took him to
Bloomingdale to-day" But did he
show it painly?" certainly, he had
lowered the rent of every fla" Cur
rier des Etats- Upis.
Knowitt-"Tm pretty we'll posted,
let me tell you. l really find it a bur-
| den to carry around what [ know"
Bronson-''H'm! It's lucky for you
that you don't have to carry around
what you don't know."-Light
Newport Belle-'O, those naval Of
ficers are too sweet for anything. Did
YOU ever lunch on man-of-war?'
! Narragansett Belle-',No. but saw a
young Lieutenant to-day who looked
! good enough to eat. ~. Y. Weekly.
There has been a great deal of fun
made of Simple Simon because he
went fishing in a pail; and yet some
of the modern sportsmen seem 10 find
a great deal of satisfaction in merely a
rod and line and a jug. Washington
! Post.
Hostess Dear me, the conversa-
ton is tagging. What can we do to
amuse our guests?n Host-..I don't
know, unless we leave the drawing
| room for a few n1iDutpS and Criya thon,