Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-01-04
CHASING A NEW YEAR DINNER.
The Absent-Nfinded Contributors Pur.
suit Of Holiday Feast.

suit Of Holiday Feast.
SOME APPALLING ADVENTURES THAT HE MEETS
WITH ON HIS NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. OF
NOT KNOWING WHO Is YOUR HOSTILE OTIS
THERE FINALLY, FEELING QUITE CHEERFUL
The time that The SrAR's absent-minded
contributor had on New Year day was simply
immense, and he owes II all to his incurable
habit of forgetfulness. By this it is not mean,
to say that he ever really forgets anything Of
the vast store Of valuable facts accumulated
beneath his brain-pan, but merely that in the alb
sorption Of literary effort too much Of his
mental activity is left to the purely mechanical
functions Of the noodle, so to speak, and fire.
quently he fails TO take in things Of . CON-
monplace nature. 1t was on this account tina,
on one occasion he went TO the wrong funeral,
by mistake, and did not discover his error
until the coffin was opened at the grave, dis.
closing not the corpse Of his maiden aunt, bu,
that Of a notably fat gentleman with brown
wig. In like manner it happened that. having
accepted an invitation to dinner for January /,
1880, he forgot entirely who it was that had
extended 1t. For his life he could not re-
member. The situation he felt to be most
awkward. and it was with some relief that he
made up his mind at length that it must have
been his friend Brown-that jovial. hospitable
soul-who proffered the seat at his festive
| board.
AN ADVENTURE AT BROWNS.
so, at exactly 2 p.m.-the hour he
remembered as having been set for the ban
quet-the absent-minded contributor, attired
like McGinty, in his best suit of clothes, rang
the bell OF y handsome house on Massachu-
sets avenue, and. initiating Brutus, paused for
reply. Presently smart maid in a white
a M tn fhn dAD - IL l.
his card. saying simply: Il have come to
dine" Whereupon he was shown into the
parlor and sat down to wait Five minutes
passed, and then he rose to his feet expect
antly, as he heard rustic Of petticoats along
the hallway without; strange lady paused for
moment on the threshold, gazed at him
lntently for a moment, and disappeared.
another hye minutes went by, at the end of
Whlch strange man stepped in, eyed him
briefly but fxedly, and likewise departed
his was embarrassing, and his feelings were
not relieved when five children Of various ages
came to the door SUCCESSFULLY, peeped in, then
trotted away. If these were other guests, he
thought, they were very unsociabIe. The maid
came scurrying down the entry and went out
the front door; but he took no especial notice
OF TINS. because by this time he had set himself
to composing the introduction to an article that
he had in mind. He had just about framed
the first sentence satisfactorily when small
edition OF little Lord Fauntleroy walked in
and, standing at respectful distance, said:
"Papa's sent for policeman"
pray?"
TO take you to the lookup. He'll be here
in a minute"
And the youngster scampered away.
THE BouNcER BROUGHT.
The absent-minded contributor was Just
laughing gently to himself over this infantile
Jest when who should enter the parlor but an
actual policeman, accompanied by the strange
man aforementioned. The strange man APP
preached the literary guest and said:
'Slr, am equally divided between two sur
misses as to the cause Of your coming to nv
mouse and announcing that you intended to
share my New Year dinner. Either you are
insane o. you have read in newspapers that il
Is practice popular in Washington to GO to
entertainments unlimited and you have come
on cheek. My wife was convinced from your
appearance that you were a dangerous lunatic,
anu so. at her earnest request, l procured this
policeman, who will attend to your case if nee
essary."
Good Cad" exclaimed the absent-minded
contributor In establishment. you don't mean
TO say that this is not Mr.. Herbert Browns
house?"
Most assuredly not. There were some peo-
pie named Brown here, believe, two months
or 30 ago, before we moved in"
That settlesit." groaned the unbidden guest.
ana without stopping for further explanations
ne rushed out OF the room, escaping a haIf-me-
chanical clutch from the policeman, plucked
his hat from the rack in the hall and slammed
the front door behind him. An intelligent
small boy on the next corner, who was prac-
uclng with playmate an ingenious game, the
object OF which was to determine whether the
one or the other could endure the harder ticks
with leather strap without crying out gave
information to the effect that Mr. Brown had
m0vAd nd c,,n1o ,hxr q,
block.
browns AT LAST.
So the absent-minded contributor proceeded
in that direction, considering to himself as he
went that the adventure he had Just had
strongly resembled another experience Of his
own some years back, when he had undertaken
to convey friend who was helplessly intoxi-
Gated to his (the friend's) lodgings He knew
where the drunken man lived, because he had
been taken up to his room in the third story of
Washington lodging house for little visit
only ten DAYS before. Accordingly, having
supported him to the street door, which was
unlocked, though it was midnight he got him
in at last and began the serious task of getting
him up two long flights of stairs without arous-
ing anybody. 1t took half an hour of arduous
labor, pushing him up one step and pulling
him up another to achieve the top landing
Then it only remained to drag the inebriate
into his apartment. put him to bed and depart.
And for all this his friend never gave him a
word OF thanks, possibly because, as a matter
OF fact, he had been turned out of that lodging
house week before for not paying for his
room and the landlord, finding him soon after
l O'Clock that fateful night in alcoholic slumber
on his old bed, uncharitably kicked him all the
way down the stairs and left him to sleep out
the night in the gutter.
The absent-minded contributor was Just smil-
ing over his recollection Of this woeful dsnoue-
ment as he found himself at the number where
Mr. Brown really did live OF this he was care
full to make sure by question at the door,
Then he sat down in the darkened drawing
room and communed with himself until por-
there was suddenly thrown aside and Mrs,
Brown, whom he recognized at once. rushed in
and threw herself upon his neck, exclaiming:
''Oh, you dear old precious pet!'
A TRIFLE AWKWARD.
Now, the literary man was a trife surprised
at this, for, although cordial relations had al.
ways existed between Mrs. Brown and himself,
she had never exhibited any special affection
for him before. Certainly she had never called
him pet, precious or otherwise. Her manner
Of welcome was agreeably cordial, contrasted
with the cold reception accorded him at the
other house, and he did not see how he could
meet it with q repulse without positive rude
ness. Nevertheless, he felt nervous lest Mr.
Brown should turn up and, hearing that gen.
tleman's footsteps actually coming along the
hallway, he made an effort to remove the
lady's arms, but, to his alarm, she continued to
cling until her husband actually appeared on
the threshold and remarked, very naturally:
what in blazes does this meau?"