The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-09-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

--Society.
The light that never was on sea or
land must be a skyiight.-Blngtamton
Republican.
'Ill see you and raise you," as the
cyclone said to the house.-LdUre1ace
A7nerlcan.
Unless man has character that
won't show dirt he had better keep
out of politics. Horn
A man who cannot keep his own
knife ten minutes generally can keep
a borrowed blade ten years.-Ashland
Press.
The world is safe for another year
The sweet girl graduates have settled
everything in their says.-Boston
Courier.
What does the doctor say?" HE
says my liver is in bad way, but he
thinks he can save my bacon. ."-NeU
York Sun.
He-'I have about made up my
mind to enter the army She-"But
suppose there should be a war!"-NeU
York San.
so Miss Bullion is married?'
YES" 'Whom did she marry?h
Nobody. She married a title. y
Boston Courier.
Can / get IA. D. T. messenger
here?" Yes. / called one last week
and I'm expecting him here every
minute. The Bostonian.
with all her faults love her still. :"
said the man who paid court to the
widow with large possessions in whisky
interests.-WaShington Post.
1t doesn't do to be too careful. The
man who bit quarter and found that
it was bad left it in such shape that he
couldn't pass it anywhere.-Fuck.
Ella (sptefully)-"Their marriage
was nothing but trade union. :"
Sophie-'A trade union?n Ella-"Yes;
she traded her money for his title. .
Puck.
When a man has the reputation of
being plain spoken it is mild way of
putting it that he never sees anything
good to speak of in others. rs.-Atchison
Globe.
Mr.. Bipps-"That medicine I took
this morning makes me feel like an
other man." Mrs. Bipps-Well, l
hope to goodness you are. 1t is time"
Epoch.
Winkers-'I haven't seen you at the
club for week. You seem to have
become great home body lately.n
Blinkers-''Yes. Wife's away. ."-New
York Weekly.
The King of Bavaria pays no atten.
tion to his government, being engrossed
in the study of musty old musical
scores. He never reigns, but he pores.
-SaUdnnah NcacS.
She-"Isn't it about time, Dick, that
we broke our engagement" He
"Why is it?" She Because every
one has stopped talking about it,
Maasey's Weekly.
Grimage-'Well, there's one thing
sure, no man could make a fool of
me- Hayslitt-''No; that's a fact.
He'd be throwing his time away
Burlington Free Press.
Il would suggest ice cream,n re-
marked Miss Bieecker, ''but I'm dead
broke Il. too. am in mortal frag-
ments," replied Miss Beacon Street of
Boston.-NeoO York. Sun.
Gimme a 2-cent razor" said John
ME as he placed the coins on the coun-
ter. That l will, replied the store
keeper, and he handed him yeast
cake.-American Grocer.
Mr.. Bullion-''You are far too young
to marry my daughter. You are only
49," Tom-"Yes. sir. but Miss Julia
is 81, so the two of us would average
about right. y The Bost0nian.
''It was Il pretty piggish thing in
Eve to eat the apple when she had
everything else she wanted" 20,
well. what could you expect? She was
only sparerib, anyhow. Epoch.
How comes it, mam'selle, that you
are so eager TO accept the attentions OF
the Lieutenant? | thought you were
both engaged" so we are, but not
to each other. ."--F'icgerds B'atter.
"Do you know the kind of figure YOU
cut in that bathing suit, Bcssie?" mo,
but it's No. l, I'm sure" You've hit
it exactly" "How?" Because it's
next to nothing. .''-Paitadeiphia Times.
Eve-"Are you coming up to the
hop tonight. dear?n Bella Gust out
of the water)-..No, love; | have moth
ing new to wear" Eve-'O, that's
all right. Come just as you are. y
Figaro.
''Will you review my next book?"
asked one author of another. with
pleasure, my dear fellow" was the
brother authors reply. ''if you only
won't ask me to read it. "-SomerUile
Journal.
Miss Laura They say wife never
laughs at her husbands jokes. But it
is not true. is it?" Mrs. Potts
almost. You see nearly all the jokes
my husband makes are about me. y
Ierre Haate Express.
Cumso-..Do you know l really
heard one lady praise another lady's
hat to-day" Brown me!n
Cumso-'.Yes. the one who did the
praising was the milliuer who made
the hat. Munseys Weekly.
He-"Why do you call your dog
Zero? l thought that you named him
Tom, after your tiance." She-"1
used to, but Tom fell so many degrees
in my estimation that thought Zero
the better name. ."--NeW York Hcrd'd
Fair Applicant-'And how long dc
you think. sir. it will take to prepare
myself for the stage?" Manager
That depends first on-your ability in
securing a husband ann then on Your
agility in getting divorce. ."-Jaage
Creditor-"When are you going to
pay your debts?n Debtor That's
none of your confounded business. y
Creditor-''But ! need my money"
Debtor-'.That's none of ny con-
founded business. "-FHegen.ie Blatter
Mr.. Freespender-.Can you tell me.
dearest. how those waves closely re-
semble myself?" Dearest-"No.A Arthur,
how do they?n Mr.. Freespender-
well. both the waves and / 20 broke
as soon as We reach the beach. The
Jester.