The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1890-03-23
An ASYLUM TOR Old GHOSTS.
The Strange Story Of MY Uncle's Clock and
It's Queer Appurt0nanC0s
by F. AHsTEY.
COMPETE II 4uls IssUnl

anything peculiar about it in his lifetime,
except that it was always stopped, being
in this respect the exact opposite of that
well known clock of everybody's grands
father, which went on ticking to the exact
moment OF the old gentleman's death.
My uncle's clock stood in his bedroom, on
the inantelpiece, and always wondered
that be, who liked everything about him
to be in order, wound up and working
punctually, should allow this solitary
specimen Of incapacity TO stare him ia the
face night and morning with Il lying &C.
count of the hour Once or twice; when
my i1rcle has been i'll and / have gone to
soc him, | have walked up to that clock
with the intention OF setting it going and
putting it right, but my uncle always
stopped me with the significant remark:
II rather think I'd let that clock alone il
I were you, James
took the hint without asking any
questions. My uncle was not the sort OF
man who could stand catechism very
well; indeed, there were some points CON
corning his personal history, and the man
lner In which he had made his fortune
about which his most intimate friend, II
at all prudent man, would Judge it best
TO make few inquiries. I do not lnean
that my uncle was not an honorable mem
Der Of society, and q very useful one, too;
many owners of valuable estates, many
county families remember him still with
respectful gratitude; but his occupation
was Of very peculiar sort, one which
would not bear much talking about-he
was, in fact, q remover of ghosts
What he did with the ghosts when he
had got them nobody could guess. He did
not travel with much luggage, and could
not have carried them away in his boxes.
They were not in his own home; a quieter,
better ordered establishment than that
never existed; the very rats were not
allowed to make noise there. One thing
only was certain, that when he undertook
TO remove ghost shat ghost never went
buck again; & was heard of no more. His
knowledge of the world of phantoms was
immense; think / may say unique. He
had studied all the existing literature of
the subject, until there was not ghost
anywhere in the three kingdoms with
whose habits, weaknesses and prejudiees
be was not familiar. Not a phantom OF
them all could resist him; he could twist
the whole spectre world Ut IS not / be-
lieve, very intelligent world round his
little finger There was noshing he en-
joyed more tIan facing an obstinate and
self opinionated old ghost-a CHEST OF q
few hundred years. standing, with q con
ceit to match his age-having it out with
that old ghost and reducing him to sub
mission.
My uncle never advertised himself in
any way, and had to be approached call-
fiously BIZ all who desired his services.
he kept his ghost laying within the strict
Traits OF profession, though one not
generally acknowledged or frequently fol
lowed, y and refused wages, though he
z1ls1i3 take fee. His first effort was, I
c, achieved solely to oblige o friend;
Yard whisper of his extraordinary
S went round and every man who
haunted house which he could not
very family pursued by logged
konl which stuck to the ancestral
ence after its natural term was over,
person afflicted by an ATTENDANT
er, applied to my uncle for relief.
cvcr refused it, when it was properly
for. On receiving q summons 70 the
iSe.pf his profession, ne packed up
End went off with his man SER
2metimes it would take him
% remove q ghost; sometimes he
do it in half an hour. The fees he:
kycd for his services varied from
the never would take Iess-rather
chat, he did his work for Moth
81 900. There was one old
IAN who had been very much
dor many years by an irritating
who was always washing his
iis presence and asking him for
pa underlined ghost that, and
any sense of the fitness of
ben this old gentleman was re-
l[is trouble his gratitude was so
mat, besides paying the customary
q he left Ma his will Go, 600 and perpet-
'Gal r.sht Ia the ghost to my uncle and his
heirs forever ! was my unclc's heir, but
u did not know of the whole extent OF his
possessions when stepped into them.
Well, my uncle died. and the secret of
tia ghosts, and what he had done with
tIIcsn, died with him He left everything
10 me. and immediately determined TO
have that clock put to rights. could not
do away with it, because thsrc was a
special clause IL his will that it ,yas to be
lett wherc Il was, in the same room, on
tho same 1dantcl piece, frGing the bed in
which Iintcrtlcd TO sleep. If | sent away
the clock ! forfeited my uncle's fortune;
the estate and tho clock went together.
and were by no means nor ut any time, to
SIS ~ fftA e+%Ait Nif ~ SSt~NA AAS~ f,S
ritl IT this piece Of furniture, I could make
It 80; and this resolved to do.
The first night that slept in thGt par
tleEiar room / had reached home late
after a long journey, and, being very
tired, forgot my resolution. l never had
3 better nights sleep In my life. But the
next morning when l awoke the clock
faced me with its fingers impudently and
lyingly pointing to half past 2 when, as
a matter Of fact knew that it was just
s. sprang out Of bed and attacked that
false witness. It wound up easily and
licked regularly Its internal organize
ton had evidently suffered nothing from
a prolonged holiday. Throughout tine
W 1ole Of that day it licked cheerfnlly and
kept wcll up TO time, and as put my
head on the pillow that night, and heard
it ticking industriousiy in the darkness,
felt that l had begun well my stewardship
of the fortune left TO me; the only thing
which wanted doing in my uncle's house
had promptly done. Then followed the
peace OF well earned sleep.
Rats Could ii be rats making that
Eoises Were there ever such iinpudeiit,
ingesSous, uultifarious, abonlinable and
riotous rats as theseg / don't know how
long / hnd been asleep, but chs noise
which awolze me was something distract
ing. ! sat up IN bed and listened. No,
it co11ld not lie rats. Rats could not groan
,.ofo <s,r,Id mt r5oQff. f0OliehlV-