Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-08-28

icle.
How are you coming on?n inquired
the man of his wet boot Washington
Star.
1t will be a cold Dey for Algiers when
the monarch of that country Dies
BoStonian.
who is that fellow who has been
talking about Withers all the EVENING""
That's Withers. Puck
''Brevity is the soul of w.t. Per
haps. But | assure you there is little
fun in being short."-Puck
''Great are the uses OF adversityn: but
they aren't half so great as the misuses
OF prosperity.-As6iand Press.
If you would get up crusade to in
terest certain able-bodied men, make
it a Santa crusade Yonkers Gazette.
Tight-lacing is possibly entitled tc
consideration as an economic measure.
1t prevents waist Washington Post.
A great many fools would easily pass
for philosophers if it wasn't for their
fatal mouths.-Ashland Press.
Never extend sympathy to a man
with the smallpox. He hates dread
fully to be pitted. -Binghaneton Leader.
The ancients excelled US in many
things. Now, there was Job, a boiler
that never exploded francisco
Aitd.
Put not your trust in riches" but
there's no objection to your putting
your riches in trustS.-YonEerS States
man.
There are SO many people who pray
for Il change of heart who ought to
pray for change of head.-Atch3Son
Globe.
Fashionable ladies are not fond of
hard work, and yet they know what
toilet is to dress for dinner. Texas
SJhngs.
When a girl elopes with her coach
man some other man is saved from
getting a mighty poor wife.-Butato
EGpress.
That's the fellow I'm laying for, -
remarked the hen. as her owner came
out with pan of corn meal.-HarUard
LampO0n.
When a man is hungry he takes a
little aliment for his ailment. Homeo-
pathy gets close call here Bingham
ton Leader.
Don't fret about what your reputa-
ton will be after death. Tombstones
are mighty charitable. Burlington
Free Press.
Widows are like the lights which
no Of hr1r
more easily than others::-A1ti-Adulter-
alton Journal.
will you marry me, Ethelp" said
the youth. ''My family is all that one
could wish for Then why do you
want me?"-Life.
When the bad boy puts bent pin in
the teachers chair he is at least just,
fled in predicting an early SPRING
SonoervjLLe Journal.
80, James. come quickly, Freddy
| has swallowed his mouth organ" rs
that so? Then there's music in the
heir. "-B0st01ia9a.
Eyes, said Fogg, ''as success have
! always been failure. but as a failure [
have been an unqualified success. -
| boston ITUftSCItpG-
What do you find is the first le-
uuisite in business?" Pluck re-
turned the dealer in live goose feathers.
-Horper's Bd@ar.
A mans better half lays down the
rules in the house, but she usually al,
lows her husband to lay down the car
pets. -DaaasU5tte Breeze.
do your boarders loaf around youl
parlor in the evenings?' No; my
daughter is learning to play on the
| piano. "-Bost0n Courier.
She (facetiously)-.'I suppose you
! call your horse Cupid because he's such
a love of Il horse?" ''He-..Not exactly.
You see he's blind. Life.
Editha-'.I wonder why the dudes
wear one eye CLASP" Deborah-'To
prevent seeing more than they are able
to comprehend. ''-JeoUelers' Weekly.
Probably the most harmless man in
the world is the man who talks great
| deal about the number of Urls he
smiles at in the course of the day.
| AtchiSOn Globe.
If you lend a man S. he simply gets
that much in your debt; but if you
| allow him to wheedle you out of a hum
dred you've made him an enemy for
life.-Judge.
Gar of Russia Gust out of bed)---
What has become of my undershirtP"
Valet" Pleasey your Majesty, the black
smiths putting fresh rivets in it,
Boston Herald.
That fellows regular bore" $50
he is. He's all the time claiming de-
scent from the ancient Romans" That
, explains this ancestors were augurs. :"
N. 7. Herald.
The world is full of would-be phil
| osophers; but, like the majority of
physicians, we do not find them taking
their stock prescriptions when occasion
arises.-BOston Budget.
Once in a while a girl falls in love
with a man because he is 80 delight
fully wicked 1t isn't long after the
wedding that the ''delightfully'' is drop
ped.-Ierre Haute Erpress
You love your wife?" Yes"
'And she loves your Yes" Then
where does the incompatibility come
in?" Il can't live on her income, much
less support her. "-Epoch.
Temperance Lecturer-Wheny you see
an Old hat or coat stuffed in broken
window it means whisky! 1t means
interruption from the audience)
Or sham pane.-N y. Tribune.
De Kique (whose opinion isn't worth
much anyhow says that one OF the few