The morning call., 1890-08-19

Wife - What do you suppose baby is
thinking aboutp The Brute-I 'spose he's
thinking what to cry about to-night.-Life I.
Book Agent (retnrning, after having been
fred down one flight, TO irate broker)-But
now, joking aside, won't you take one copy?
Fliegende Batter.
He FALLING on his knees)-Oh, Mary! may
| address you on the subject OF marriage?
She-You can if you can dress me after mar
riage.-Boston Courier.
Young Larry-Ah. Maggie! love yez as
much as our goat loves circus posters.
Maggie-And I'll stick to We. Larry. like
the posters stick to the fence, an bitter
BOstonian.
julep please Barkeeper-With or with
out ice? with, of course" " A dollar
and half, please! Cash in advance"
New York Sun.
Mrs. Upton-Yes, that's my daughters
piano, but she has scarcely touched il since
she has been married. Mrs. Downton-
Jest the same with my darter and 'er type
writer.-N Y. Weekly.
Elderly Female Relative lat the seaside)-
For mercy's sake, 'Mandyl What if any
suit? Lively Niece (savagely)-No such
luck, auntie l-ChioagO Tribune.
Miss Frostique-I always thought Mr..
Slowboy very bashful and retiring, but last
night he actually kissed me.
Miss Caustique - Dear mel How sur
prised you must have felt.-Epoch.
The Retort Churlish.-Mrs. Cumso lat
the breakfast tabe)-GeOrge, l wish you
would remind me Cumso interrupt
ing)-Ah, you begin to realize that your
mind is about gone, do you.-N. Y. Sun.
So.
Mrs. Wickwire-If you go first, you will
walt for me on the other shore, won't you
dear2 Mr.. Wickwire - | suppose So l
never went anywhere yet without having
to wait for you at least half an hOur.-Ex.
THAT doctor is the most dressy physi-
clan ever saw" "You think SOP" Eyes.
Every time he goes out on his visits he
looks as if he had just come out of band
box" 81 see. Dressed to kill."-Boston
Courier.
Mixed Up.-"Don't stand there gaping
like an idiot. Did you never see an elephant
before?" "Oh, I've seen plenty of ele-
plants, but whether it was before or behind
Pm darned if l ever could make out.-Car-
lyle Smith.
Madam x, an indefatgable talker, hav-
ing died, her son-ln-law sent to the friends
of the family an intimation of her demise
in these words: EAT 715 O'clock this morn
ing my mother-in-law ceased to speak,
Max VRell.
Alta Ball.-Gentleman, to lady-Don't you
think Miss Prettygirl over there has q
bright expressionP Lady. spitefully-There
ought to be some brightness about her face,
with thnce hip lantpr 10 yy nE bar Law
ander f. Sweet.
James-Is Mrs. Knowltall graduate of
Vassar?
~ thought she was, heard her ask if
the muzze Of gun WAS to prevent it going
of."-Texas Siftings.
Judge-And so he called you liar?
Prisoner-He did, sor.
Judge-And did you attempt to defend
Prisoner Did Ip You ought to see
Duffy.-Haryard Lampoon.
Maud-"Papa, l thought you said this
morning tnat JACK brewer !. T was no chicken,
Maud - Then what does this mean
(reading) Jack Brewer, stroke Of the Yale
crew. stepped jauntily out of the SHE'LL"
Boston Post
The mistress (enterlng the kitchen sud-
deDly)-Bridget. what on earth are YOU do
ingP The maid-Faith, didn't me young
man sit himself down on the shticky fiy
paper, and amt l thryin' to remove the
same wild the help Nv warrum wather.-
Pittsburg Bulletin.
Caller-I have little bill here
Hardup fnterruptingly)-The cashier Is
out.
Caller-Very well. II call and paw 1t
some other time. Good day.
And Hardup solemnly requested the office
boy to kick him three times.
Kosciusko Murphy-.How do you like
Miss JonesP In my opinion she is not only
handsome, but very intelligent. Gus dc
SMITH agree with you as far as her looks
are concerned, but she Is not intelligent.
I've been counting her for the last six
months and l don't think, from the way
she acts, that she has found it out yet
Texas Siftings.