The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-10-24
WIT AND HUMOR.
Loi the poor Indian. whose uututored mind
the wind

-IHatttf-
OF all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddcst are those She utters when
And she says .sGo practice on ; your sister
What was Noah's wife's namess'
Joan. wasn't ii t?''-N Y. San.
Troubles sometimes come singly.
after all; all children are not twins
Atelison Globe.
How 10 catch fish is study. How
to lie about it comes natural. .-Neac Or
leans Picaya7e.
The number l3 is not so nnlucky if
Washington Post.
How high are The White Moun-
tains? They vary. From 50 to Sl5
a day. ~. T. Herald.
20. / wish I'd been a man" cried
Mrs. Bjonsou. Il wish to Heaven you
hadi' retorted Mr.. Bjonson. = The
Epoch
Atlas carried the world on his back
and not in front of him as it is carried
by great men of the present day. -Dat-
las (7er.) Nescs.
Little Turtle owned Chicago in 1890,
bnt be had SO little snap TO him that
the place did not grow much while he
was proprietor.-C -Courier-JourIaat.
THAT man made money just by
Ais sand. .What?', Yes. He's 4
br;ekmaker"-St Joseph No.) Nescs.
4 man never. seldom ever, knows
how to use his own ideas quite as well
as the ideas he has picked up--Dailas
(Tex) Netrs.
4 woman can disguise her wrinkles.
debts. and deceptions from man, but
she can never hide them from another
woman--A Atehison (Kas.) Globe
The interesting question IN some cir
cles is: How can the depositor retain
his equilibrium when the cashier has
lit out with his balance ?-P PbftIdekp phia
Press.
Don't be hurt at what You think is
lack of sympathy. The spot on your
nose that looks so big to you is hardly
visible to any one else--Terre Hantc
Express.
Editor-..Your poem contains some
sparkling gems" Idyl (proudIy)-
.Indeed.1 Editor-..Yes. you should
have seen them flash when the fame
caught them The Epoch
4 Louisville pie factory is about to
be established in Washington There
will be no nine mouths session of Con-
gress after this factory gets in opera
tion.--Atlanta Constitution
Talking Shop-Mrs. Snodgrass-..I
think Mrs. Laker must be from Chi
cago." Mrs. Snively--Whv? Mrs.
Snodgrass = Because she SAYS o.
lardr so often - Fest Shore.
David Crockett is to have a nlonu-
Ter fFhfz =
reward for laws good fortune and
foresight in not being buried in New
York City Pittsbarg Dispatch.
1t is simple enough to be a great
man; keep your mouth shut. and when
you see a dollar grab it--4tchison
/ Globe. Grab it any way and explain
to your constituency later--Nelc Or
lealts Picayixne.
I'VE sent our young boy to college. .
writes German editor, .'and after
| three years hard study he didn't know
| how 10 hitch a mule to a wagon and
| couldn't run a straight furrow to save
/ his life. What are these colleges good
for anyhow?n
The discovery of America in 1899
was great event. wasn't it pa?" re-
marked Congressman's SON. Yes,
bat il doesn't amount to anything at
| all compared TO what some of these
| politicians are going to discover in
1892. - Washington Post.
The Senate has put sponges on the
i free list. This is like carrying Goals
| TO Newcastle No man ever Yet spent
an evening with sponge who does
not know that these persons are and
always have been on the free list.-N.
7. Commercial .Adrertiser
i Einstein = '.Didt you hear apout
Cohen? Ven Repeeca Sonnesheim
vooldn't marry him. ne vent andt took
kvarter's wort of morphine Vat
fools some men are Minzberger-
Wasn't he. though? Ten cents wort
would haf done der pisness ehust as
veil. .n-Terre Hdute Express.
Bernard Conn. New Hampshire
farmers man. was scared almost into
convulsions while listening to a phono-
graph in Dover. and explained, when
be came to. that he recognized the
voice of man he had stuck in hosS
trade. Conn. science makes towards
of us Philadelphia Ledger.
A recent issue of a weekly paper
published at Colmisneil. Tex. appeared
in rather ragged shape. and the fol
lowing apology appeared in the editor
ial columns: The cause of delin-
euency of this Paper. this ishure. 1:
, that j. R. Hamlin. has been quite i'll
!. for several days, and disable to do Of
fee work. Detroit Free Press.
Tansy. mint, thyme, lavender, sweet
brier. sassafras. sweet fern. swee
! marjoram. and half dozen other de
} lightful aromatic plants once covered
. the square in the garden that is now
devoted to cucumbers, cabbage. ane
squash. Maud does not want to com,
into the garden any more until she i!
fond of vegetables. = Dallas (Teras,,
Nea0S.
! At dinner at which Archbisho,
/ Ryan of Philadelphia was present. a
] Mount Desert, it is narrated Walter
Phelps said in the course of a discus
! sion of the Irish question: But yol
must admit. Bishop Ryan. that many
practices of the Irish in Ireland to-dal
are treason" .Ah, but treason i
4 reason in Ireland on account of the alb
) sent T." retorted the Bishop.
De Montmorenev Smith (hoping. yet
, fearing)-..WelI, Miss Fitz-M Maurice,
! await your answer" Miss Fitz-Maur
/; ice-''I shall have to say no. Mr.
3 Smith. 1t is possible might learn t,
{ love you in time. but as an American
young woman who owes a duty to he
country l cannot consent to become
y member of the Smith family. 1t is to,
0 large already. - Chicago Tribune.
O'Dowd-"But. bedad, the DAYS a
t hand, OaBrien, whin there'll be n
b tinants in ould Ireland O'Brien-
i AN whin's that?n O'Dowd-.W Viii
e the landlords that's there is all abshen
tees. an whin the tinants is all land
2 lords O'Brien-ss sArrah, but there1
a shtill be wan tenant left. O'Doyd.
s O'Dowd-.,An' who'll he be?' O'Brie