Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-09-25

1t is in art as in everything else. A
ham, sugar-cured, is still ham.-Neeo
Orleans Ptcayuae.
The man who wears his heart on his
sleeve does not do it in order to beat |
his way in life. ."-Kearney Enterprise.
Mrs. De Style-"Did your daughter
marry wellP" Mrs. De Riche-"Yes,
indeed-a gas well. ."-Net0 York Week.
W.
Marriage is a partnership for life.
We all know who isn't a silent part
ner, now, don't we?-S0merUtHe Jour-
nal.
One disagreeabe feature about post
age stamps is that they are apt to get
stuck on themselves. - Btnghanaton
Leader.
Some men can get along on their in
dividual merits, but the oarsman must !
always be "a man with a pull."-
Puck.
There is revolution in progress in
Guatemala. AT present it is hard to
tell which side has Guatemalan. n.-Peorta
Transcript.
To the thrifty housewife the whole
veXed color question resolves itself in
to one thing-''Will it wash?"-Bdtti-
more american.
docs that imported clock of yours
keep timepn mot for any practical
purposes. 1t might for one OF Wagner's
operas. ."-Pucb.
/ The orderly mother with Il walking
baby in the house has place for every
thing-and the baby knows where it
/ SOmerUitLe Journal.
/ Edison is reported as saying that the
world will soon be zone vast ear"
Perhaps this is the scientific method of
calling the world an ass.-Puc6.
The law permits man to use his
wife to rob his creditors. Yet in the
face of this it is argued that marriage
is failure -Binghan,ton Herald.
The European Title-"Beg pardon,
but | think Eve met you before. Don't
you belong to our setpn The American
Dollar-''No; your set belongs to me-"
Boston Times.
"Won at last!' he exclaimed trium-
phantly. "Yes, Charlie" said she,
shyly. "but only on the strict condition,
YOU know, that am to be the one. -
SomerUiIle Journal.
Ada-"How is it that Lena is so pop
ular with the young men, FannyP Why,
She's as homely as parrotm Fanny
Yes, Lena is homely; but you see,
Ada she has no little brother. Thine.
When couple of emperors embrace
J each other, and then run home and
! order hundred thousand new rifles,
it is an earnest of peace that is en-
titled to the respect of the public
: Pucb.
Political Speaker Gentlemen, al
low me to say that in politics, as in
every private affair, every man should
: have mind of his own" A Voice
"Are you ed?"-Kearmey Enter
prise.
Teacher-"Can you tell me, chill
dren, who first discovered the Parthe-
non friezep" Small Boy (reminiscent-
ly)-''The kid that has to build the
fires in the mormn'. st. Paul Pioneer
, Press.
,, Angry Man-"See here, confound
you, don't propose to have you dun
me for that bill any more" Angry
Collector-"You don't, ehp How're
r you going to prevent it?" "By paying
up."-Binghamton Herald.
She-'Why do you look so unhappy,
Georgep Don't you know we are one
nowP" He-"Yes, I've heard that be-
fore, but when it comes to paying the
hotel bill the landlord doesn't seem to
think so. "-LOndOn Iid-BitS.
Miss Twelfthseason (speaking of her
fiance) )-'And dear George is such
lover of antiquities!" Miss Feline
"Anyone could see that" And Miss
Feline will not receive an invitation to
the wedding.-Nea0 York San.
Annabel-"Count, dear, l love to
have you pat my cheek in your true
loving way. 1t seems so restful, too
Count (sotto voice. -"Zounds, can re
girl know | vas re barber in my own
countree. ."-Kearney Enterprise.
Wife-'I've just found a receipted
hatter's bill in your pocket. l thought
you said you didn't feel able to buy
yourself new silk hat this fallp" Hus-
band-"No, indeed, that was one l
bought to pay debt with. Time.
Poet-"Can you tell me the cause of
these pains have in the legsp" Doc
tor-''May l ask where you liveP"
Poet-'In an attic room, SIR" Doc
tor-'Then the pains are room attic.
Five dollars, please. ."-Nea0 York Sun.
Cumso-"I see that Punch prints
note stating that Mrs. Guy was not the
author of its Don't advice to those
about to marry" Fangle-"The cor
rection was unnecessary. No woman
ever gave such advice. e."-New Yor6
Sun.
Irate Politican-"Look here, you
published lie about me this morning
an infamous lie. | won't stand it. y"
Serene Editor-"But just think where
you would be if we were to publish
the truth about you."-1erre Ha"te En-
press.
Miss Snapper-"Stop the car! 1
won't ride if 7 can't have q seat!' The
conductor with an air OF gentle re-
proach) ii have to stand up all day,
maam!n "Yes, but you don't have
to pay five cents a trip for it, "-Bosto"
Times.
Mrs. McSwillem-'I should think
you'd have more self-respect than to
drink the way you do Mr.. McSwil-
"Self-r'spect, m dearP Tn sho
full self-r'spect, m dear, that | enter
every shloon by back door."-New
, York Weehty.