Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1890-10-02
THE "ARIZONA KICKER
Some More Choice Reports of Happenings
in Far West Towns


Some More Choice Reports of Happenings
in Far West Towns.
From late issue of the Arizona Kicker
the Detroit Free Press quotes the follow
ing bits:
Notice: If the party who threw the
brick at us last Tuesday night as we ssood
on the corner of Apache avenue and Green
street will call at our office he will hear of
something to his advantage. We can
make him realize in about FIVE minutes
that men of his talent are wasting their
time in this country. He can also make
his choice of l65 eligible sits in oar
private burying grounds free of cost. Come
early and avoid the rush.
No boom: For two strait years the
Kicker has persistently opposed the idea
of boom to attract attention to our town.
We have watched this boom business. In
scores of other places, and In every in
stance it has reached disastr ovsly. Our
course has aroused the ire of certain specu-
lators, but we shall continue it inst the
same We've got 200 acres of cactus
pasture which we would like to dispose of
to some Ohio farmer who wants to better
his condition and who could be worked up
to part with $1,000, in cash, but we
haven't the cheek. We own mile of
side hill, which won't even grow rattle
for p ach orchard A million years
hence We may have six railroads here, but
we can't force ourselves to whoop-Ia! hur-
rah. over the prospect. We own about
fourteen billion dollars worth of wildcat
mining stock, every mine being in the
clouds, but for our honesty we'd proceedto
boom and unload. We are at the head of
a company to turn the Pacific Ocean into
descets of the West-President of an artes-
ian well ompany-Secretary of the Great
Strawberry Growers Association, etc, but
we were born honest and we can't look. a
tender-toot in the eye and lie to him.
No, gentlemen, this town is what it is
and no more. 1t isn't going to be "a sec
ond Chicago 1t has no Niagara Falls.
There isn't even good fishing within
thirty miles of us. We simply have the
great Arizona Kicker, l4S saloons, sixteen
gambling houses, five stores and popula-
ton of 5000 souls, most of which will take
''the oti er road" when the judgment day
arrives That's all, and those who don I
want to come can stay away.
~.
Personal: Mrs. Judge Embro, who,has
been absent at Tucson for the past two
weeks, returned last night, and, as usual
found the Judge so drunk that he cquldn
tell her from Digger lnCian. She dldn I
go away for her general health but to get
over black eye inflicted by the Judge in
one of his sober moments.
Calls for sympathy: Major Mcknight
our popular and efficient City Clerk met
with sad accident last Sunday. While
trying to enjoy drunk, hammock, a
smoke and a snooze at the same time, he
set himself on fire and was so badly burned
that he will not be out of his bed for two
weeks. The Major has many friends who
will sympathize with him. in MS misfor-
tune.
In the wrong: Handsome Charlie,
the genial and enterpriang proprietor Of
The Black Swan" saloon, has called al
this office and convinced us thaG we were
wrong in stating that lie had killed sever
men and was dangerous character. Hi'
hiss includes only foun men, all laid away
| in self-defense, and so far from being
dangerous he says that he has refused tC
put up hy-screens this summer out o
general pity for the poor flies. He, als'
has pictures of three different angels OF
the walls of his bedroom.
We cheerfully make the correction, no
because the gentleman subscribed for nv
copies of The Kicker to be sent to hi
friends and gave us $50 >ad, which vii
be found elsewhere, but because we wis
to do all men justice.
Fair warming: Ben Stays, the eating
house man, has made public threats t
wiring our nose on the streets. The trouhl
dates back to year ago, when Ben trie
to pass some cactus soup on us for moe
turtle.
Ben may attempt to wiring our nasa
organ. He may even figure that he ca
succeed. We give him fair warning, how
ever, that he'll have to be prepared t
dodge six bullets, and if he doesn't happe
to be quick enough it won't make us fet
very bad.
There are now three female deptlsts |
J New York, all Of whom are thorough
qualified to practice the profession. Onl