The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-10-16
HUMOROUS.

-Amy-"What would you do, Mabel,
If somebody should ask you to marry
him? Would you change color?" Mabel
mo; I'd change my name."-Van
Dorn's Magazine.
well, old boy, hear one of your
poems has been accepted. Did you have
an inspiration?" II don't know, really;
but I am certain the editor had one."-
Demorest's Monthly,
An Apt Adjective. AT Ausable
Chasp. .-He-'Grand old gorge. isn't
it?" She coming out. as usual. with
her favorite adjective)-''Gorgeous."
Burlington Free Press.
---Judge-"Six months in the house
of correction" Prisoner-"Thatsa agin'
the constitution. Judge (surprised)-
What constitution Prisoner
mime. boston Herald.
The Plot Thickens. -Lecoq-"I see
Boggs, the butcher, has been arrested.
Another link added to the chain of sus-
picion." Vidocq-"What a sausage
Nnk?"-American Grocer.
Old Gentleman-"Laura, If that
young man persists in staying 50 late,
I'm going to unchain the dog" Laura
He wouldn't mind that; he's a profess
sional dog boston Herald.
Hope has the name of being always
on the spring, but it grows weak in the
legs when it tries to hold up the young
man who has umbled into that gulf OF
gloom known as first stlove.-Ram's Horn.
New Reporter-"Any thing for me
to do to-day?" City Editor New York
daily)-"Nothing special Just walk
up and down Broadway, and write up
the pavement explosions. IN. Y.
Weekly.
-Mistress-"What is little Johnny
crying and yelling for? Give him what
he wants. must write letter, and
wantit quiet" Nurse-"Please, a'am,
he's yelling for his drum an horn
Good News.
Judge Ito Thief-"Why didn't you
take the bag Of coppers together with
the rest Of the money!" Thief-Well,
yer see Jedge, the law don't compel us
to take more'n twenty-five coppers at
one time."-Yankee Blade.
--."Yes," said Mrs. Partington, as the
ladies at the sewing meeting were
counting their resources, 'and then the
young people will give one Of their i'm
mature performances That will help
great deal."-Harper's Bazaar.
Little Edith Gust from the city,
Il don't like this milk" Farmer
"Why, what's the matter with it?"
Little Edirh-''It tastes as though 1t
had been near COW, and just believe
it thas."-Philadelphia Society.
Mrs Grogan-"Arrah! Mrs. Clan.
cey, yez oughter 20 oop to Mrs
Whelan's. Sure, she's goin' fer ter
have . pianner forter' Mrs. Clancy
"A pianner for tay, is it? Begorras
th' appetite av her!'-Munseys Weekly.
Tho woodpe cker presents his bill,
Which makes the doRwood bark;
The stately oak twgs, boughs and leaves,
Exclaiming: 1"What larkP'
The Bostonian.
Little Tommy gave up his seat in
the elevated-rsilway car to young
woman of uncertain age. ut Is very
pretty Of you, my dear" said she,
ITO give up your seat like this to q
lady" Oh" said Tommy, ito old Ia
dies I always do."-Courrier des Etats
Unis. s's .'',;-''. u. 's,''t'
There is one very dramatic situa-
ton in my new play. It is where the
mortgage ON the old farm is foreclosed
and the hero can't pay it off, Does II
affect the audience much?" "Oh, nv!
Why, last nfghta millionaire in one OF
the boxes wrote . check for 500 and
sent it up to pay OF the mortgage and
get the hefo out Of difficulties m, Y.
Sun. '~zs'@' t'.a '.f'''""@s '&f B..
Tho Modern Match. Husband (get
ting ready to light the gas) MY dear,
wish you would remove sllnewspspers
and other combustibls material to the
next room. Then send for several pals
of water and have them handy" Wife
-.Why, what for9" HusbAnd-'T am
going to strike mstch. OF course IL
will break, and thefs fssrever any tell.
ing where the burning sna will land.
-0oed News.