St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-05-12
CAUGHT WITH THE SHEARS.
Bright Things by Funny Men
Everywhere.


Customer Go waiter)-Some cheese,
please?
Waiter-Beg pardon, sir. Very sorry,
sir. Cheese out, sir.
Customer-That so? When do you
expect it back ?-Life.
A bear never knows until he is
muZZled how many people there are in
the world who are not afraid OF BEARS
Atkinson Globe.
There was an old man in wagon;
Twas evident he had big jag on.
He would whip up his nag,
Then take a big ''snag''
From the neck of two gallon f1agon.
-Dansville Breeze.
"These are my household GODS" he
said to her as he entered his bachelor
apartment.
But you lack something" she re-
marked.
"What?'
''A household goddess" -Munsey's
Weekly.
us this fire insurance Officer"
Eyes, sir; can we write you some in
Surance?"
perhaps you can. You see, my en-
plOyer threatens to fire me next Satur-
day, and I'd like some protection
Munsey's Weekly.
Some faces have a very striking ap-i
pearance, and this is particularly true
OF a clOck.-Jeweler's Circular.
McCOgginS calls his room on the tenth
floor princely apartment. Oh account
of it's royal highnesS.-Light. ~,
He thought he saw an Elephant
That practiced on a fife;
He looked again, and found it was II
A letter from his wife. z9r0
cat length 1 realize" he said,
The bitterness of LITER 49,
He thought he saw a Buffalo s d.
Upon the chimney-piece; gii
He looked again, and found it was 5
His Sisters Husbands Niece ~ 3.
"Unless you leave the house, he said, -
'.I'll send for the Polce!''
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake ST
That.questioned him in Greek; -
He looked around, and found ii was ~
The middle of Next Week. -.
"The one thing regret, he said, - -
rs that it cannot speak!' 'ff
He thought he saw Banker Clerk
Descending from the bus;
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
IF this should stay to dine" he said,
There won't be much for usl,
Foreign Exchange.
Young Lady Cat bird storel-Has this
parrot any accomplishments?
ProprietOr-He can speak little, but
he's too old to learn anything new.
INSTRUMENTATION he initiate any
sound he might hear, such as sneeze,
OF cough. or anything of that kind?
"No. The girls we've trying the
other day to teach him to initiate the
sound of kiss, but he wouldn't do it,"
Decidedly)-ill take him.-Chicago
Tribune.
. Luck is good thing to have, but it is
poor thing to wait for.-Atchison
Globe.
Brightwit's Boy-Father. was there
ever any ship which carried more
people than the City of Paris?
Brightwit'S Boys Father-Yes. my
ancestors of American society.-Elmira
Gazette.
Arabella asks: what is the differ
ence between an artists model and
pugllist?" The difference, my dear, is
that the artists model puts himself in
striking attitude, while the pugilist puts
himself in an attitude to strike.-ButfalO
Courier.
Tenant-The windows in your house
shut so badly that my hair blows all
about my head. You must really have
something done to them.
Landlord don't see the necessity
for that. 1t would be much simpler for
you to have your hair cut.-Fliegende
Blaetter.
"Will you marry me, Ethel?" said the
youth. 'My family is all that one could
wish for" "Then why do you want
ew-Prcvidence Journal.
Count Pinchbeck-Your father is
political reformer, Miss Rox?
Miss Rox-Yes. nothing but an hon
est count will suit him.
Count Pinchbeck-Then wish you
very good evening.-Pittsburg Dis
patch.
Railroad Superintendent regret
that you are incapacitated for further
service, but accidents will happen, you
know. Do you know of a good man for
your place?
Railroad Brakeman (who has only his
thumbs lefD-Yes, sir: know one who.
would last you good deal longer than
I did. You'll find him over at the dime
museum. He has sixteen fingers
Ledger. 2it