Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-07-11
A TONGUE PEELER.
How All Ingenious doctor Cured Bilious-
ness down in Tennessee,

any man who maH such a claim in
Tennessee soon wins a large if not re-
spectacle following. This celebrated
man hired a brass band and of course
attracted a large crowd. Gentlemen"
said he, you have doubtless been nan
q time humbugged, but 1 want to show
you that every man is not q fraud. I
say that my medicine will cure bilious
ness. [ don't want you to take my word
for it, but [ want you to watch and see.
Now, if there's a very bad case in the
crowd | want to see it. / don't fool
with chills and slight %fevers, but yearn
for the ailment in its worst form.
That's right, step up on the wagon"
A man climbed up and took seat.
How do you feel?" the doctor asked.
Miserable"
Back ache?"
eyes, sir"
No appetizer"
"None whatever"
Grassy taste in your mouth?"
Eyes. sir"
Cant stand any exertion"
"No, sir"
Let me see your tongue"
The man thrust out his tongue. The
doctor uttered an exclamation of aston
ishment. "Turn around and let the
audience examine your tongue"
The mar turned to the assembly and
thrust out his tongue. It was thickly
coated; in fact, it was what might be
called a bad tongue.
Gentlemen" said the doctor, IT
never saw a worse tongue than this, but
l an going to show you that I car cure
it in a very short time"
He took up a small bottle, shook it,
and handing it to the patient, said:
Take a couple of swallows" The
man obeyed. The doctor continued:
"The first thing to be done is to clear
up that tongue. No man with q tongue
like that can feel we'll. Open your
mouth. All, wait a moment" He in
serted a small instrument, and then, to
the establishment Of every one, peeled;
the thick coating from the mans tongue
and held up the coating to be viewed
by the audience. Nothing slow about
my medicine, gentlemen. Works like
a charm. One or two doses of it taken
in time will prevent a long spell of
fever. How do you feel now ?" address,
ing the patient.
Much BETTER"
Back ache?"
"Not much"
Got any appetite?"
Il believe that 1 can eat something,
SIR"
GRASSY taste in your mouth"
mo, sir, not now"
"Take o bottle of my wonderful med
icine and get down. Anybody else
ali, here comes o man that's as bilious
as a goat. Climb up, sir. Hold out
your tongue. My stars, did anybody
ever see such a tongue? Here, take
about three swallows of this Bile
Bouncer. How do you feel?"
awful"
"Take some more of the medicine.
Now, let me see what 1 can do for you"
He peeled the patients tongue and
held the peeling up to the audience.
"Just as easy, gentlemen, as shocking
an ear of corn. I always carry such
specimens of coating with me. How dc
you feel now, %podner?"
"First-rate."
"Hop down. All, here's another one.
Climb right up, sir. Even a one-eyed
man at half a glance can tell that you
are as bilious as a swamp frog. Ny
gracious, look at this tongue!"
A murmur of astonishment went
through the crowd.
"How long has it been since you ate
a~nything?"
1.-TWO days."
"Do you feel like eating anything?"
"No SIR"
Suppose I order you a beef steak"
II can't eat it,"
well, we'll see about that. Here,
boy, go over to that restaurant and tell
them to send me over a big steak.
Now" turning to the patient, stake
about four swallows of the Bile Boun-
Ger. Now we are getting at it. Hold
out your tongue. All, the ..triple-plated
stuff is about ready" He peeled
the fellows tongue. The
audience gazed and gaped
in establishment. "Here comes the
steak. Do you think you can eat it?"
Eyes, sir"
He devoured it voraciously. The
crowd shouted. "Now, gentlemen"
said the doctor, II thing that I have
given you sufficient cause to believe in
my medicine. 1 sell it for So per bot
tle."
He couldn't hand it out fast enough,
He remained three days and then dis
appeared. Shortly after he had gone u
man called on a resident physician and
| said:
doctor, I am very bilious and won Id
like to get some medicine"
"Are you not one of the men who got
up on the wagon when that patent medi-
cine fellow was here. 2"
eyes SIR"
"Then why don't you take some of
his medicine?"
The man smiled. "Tve got no faith
in molasses and water" he said.
well. but how did it clear up your
tongue?"
"You see it was this way: The fell
low gave me five dollars to let him put
a white India rubber covering on my
tongue. He's got all sizes Of tongue
coats. Very smart fellow. Better let
me have a little blue mass, I reckon
ArkamsaW Iraveler.
nf n niHornnk rbo,,nto.