Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-06-10
DAVE AND COLI

Bill Nye has lately received letter
from Mertie kerSykeS. of Whatcom. who
asks: Does pugilists ever reform? They
are so much brought into ContaX with
course natures that do not see how they
can ever. ever become good lives or be-
come professors of religion. DO you
know if Such is the case to the best of
your knowledge, and answer Soon as con-
vcnient in this paper, which we all read
with Ayidlty. and so no more at Preas-
ant To which the spontaneous Bilious
Contiguous suddenly replies with the fol
lowing graphic story:
Pugilists often reform, especially after
they have been sufficiently punished and
put to sleep. | knew one once who be-
came the teacher of an infant class in
Sabbath school. lie was great success,
and his class the largest and brightest |
ever saw in all my sabbath school eXpe-
rance.
| heard him once tell his little boys the
story of David and Goliah. lie said:
You know Goliah had put mp the dust a
long time il the First Philistine National
Bank, and kept the offer good tO knock
out anybody or fight to a finish, any
terms, with tch-as-catch provis-
ions, for gate receipts; loser Ia get nuttin'
but quiet funeral and low grave under
the daisies. They fit in them day. boys.
and these ornamental hippodrOmr scraps
of our time was no good. A feller settled
up his affairs and staid in the ring till
they rung for the undertaken.
Goliath was blow, but he was the
champion heavyweight. and So they run
it into politics and made it Goliah aud his
gang agin the lsraelites. Ii was queer
case. The paper had standing notice
fer over year Offering most anything.
see, fer a man that 'ud clean out Goliath
and knock the head of him. but il was no
go. The lsraelites did well in trade. but
they was peaceabe. They could sell
goods and kick at hotel. but they
couldn't light for sour apples.
FINALLY. long comes little Dave. His
father was in the sheep business. and
Dave had been In the habit OF catching
lions by the tails aud jerking their heads
Off before breakfast. He also had a
fashion Of running his hand down the
throat Of a royal Bengal tiger once and
awhile and pulling out his or her choicest
alimentary while You could say seat.
Lions killed aud dressed while you wait
was his advertisement
so he come out ON the grounds and
says: Boys. it's abOnt time we play ball.
We've stood about enough of this news
paper talk and inexpensive wind. | am a
little feller aud ! amt ashamed And
now, IL you will aid me by your applause.
you will see one of the best fights you
ever saw
"Wish that Goliath. a big coarse feller,
with whskers like load q hay, sails out
and laughs long, coarse. Norman laugh
that shakes the winders in the court
house and says, %. mamma, Look at his
kidlets! Shall we spank him, gents, and
send him back to the primary school or
feed him TO the coyotes?''
Dave says: Coll. amt no match fer
you in size, but you are Universalist
and I'm putin my belief agin' yourn this
day. III ] put you To sleep. We gather
Ia your camp and pile up the
back charges on our pension roll.
dorsement from foreign powers and have
fun with the Israelites. And now. when
you're ready, say 81, you low, coarse
thing. Put up your docks. seZ he. and
damaged be he that first hollers enough! =
he seq, coatn' from Shakespeare. 'for
Dave was a great reader. and could coat
| from all the poets for hours at time.
whereas Coli was chump. besides bein'
free thinker.
"Well, time was called They blowed
on some sackbuts and such things aud IN
| they sailed. Before Coli could get his
bread hooks on Dave the thing was over
/ Dave jerked a rock at him aud II clayt
his skull. as the bible goes on To state
Several Of his favorItc brains OoZed out
and left him nothing to think with. See.
80 down went Goliath to the bottom
OF the wall, as the poet gets 10 of. and
| Dave takes his pelt home to show that
he's the lalla, you bet YOU. aud he got the
! stakes.
we will sing now, aud then ! wish Z
/ you'd go home quietly aud think over thi'
yarn. and say what you mean aud thef
stick to IL. Goliath was good rink at
traction. but he couldn't always deliver
the goods he advertised. And now 9,
home. boys. DO right. and II any mar
interferes knock him over the ropes and
/ the band will play Annie Laurie.
! School was then dismissed.