The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1890-07-31
hIr. Togg on Matrimony.

My name is Phineas Fogg, and have
been married man for nearly twenty
years. Yes, nearly twenty years of unal.
loyed misery have rolled over my head,
and, for wonder, still live to tell the
tale. To me there is no interest In the
discussion of the question, us Marriage
Failure 2" Marriage may or may not
be failure; but, in any event, it is
more than either. Il is Fate. That's
what it is; nothing more, nothing less.
L don't say that it is inevitable fate, for
there are few lucky dogs that somehow
or other manage to escape it; but to nine
out of every ten it is fate; like death
and taxes, it is the common lot of hu.
manity. I can look back now snd see
Just how it is. [ can also appreciate to
| the fullest exteut just what q sap-headed
chump vas in the days when I was
spooniug around the girls. My old
father, peace to his ashes, used to tell me
how it would be, be begged me to 60
slow, and not be in such bury 10 get
married. "Phin, my boy" be would say.
"gals are nice enough to 80 courtin'
1 with, bit when it comes to marryjn' of
'em, why, my advice is, don't, that's all. y
Like most boys who have just reached
their twenties, T thought that pap was a
fool, so sailed in and got married in less
than week after [ had arrived at my
twenty. first birthday. When I brought
nv wife home, father didn't say much,
but be looked as though he'd about SIS
soon seen me buried.
| When we went to the barn to put up
the horses, he observed: "Well, Phiu, if
you've got burnt, you'll have to sit on
the blister. hope you have not made 8
mistake. If you have, it's thunderln'
sight more serious matter than you
think it is" laughed at the old fellow
and told him vas the proudest and
happiaet man in the world. "Pap," aaid
I, "can't you think back and remember
just how you felt when you we're first
married? Have you forgotten your own
courting days 7"
"Not by blame sight? ?" he answered,
and it is the memory of them, contrasted
with the life I have led since I was mar
ried, that makes me anxious about you"
Well, knew that he and mother had
not always got along just as well aa they
might, but l felt sure that nothing like
that could ever come between me and
Barbara. But I was wofully mistaken.
I had not been married year, either,
before I discovered that my wife was
bent on ruling the roost. Naturally l
kicked, and kicked vigorously, but I
must say that, after all, it was to little
purpose. You see, woman has 80 many
ways of doing thing that you are
never fully prepared to combat her.
Sometimes she tries tongue. .lashing,
then again she will come Che weeping
act, and another time, when you are
wholly unsuspecting that she has any
ulterior designs, she comes around you,
all smiles and good words, and you are
Aoored before you know it.
Isuppose every married man has, at
some time or other, tried to reason with
his wife; in other words, to argue q
question with her but l have yet to
hear of single instance where he ever
accomplished anything. It sometimes,
as in my own case, takes man a long
time to learn these things, but sooner or
later he gets it through his Uranium.
When fellow enters into the married
state he doesn't realizs hat he is surren.
dering forever great many privileges
that as O single man he has always enjoy
ed. For instance, before married Bar
bara, was unaccustomed to being asked
every time I went out of an evening
where 1 was going, what for, when !
would be back, etc. Nor, when I did
return, vas there anyone sitting up in
tears, and in night-govn, waiting for
me, and then to give me blowing up
that lasted till almost daylight. / tell
you, young men, most any woman makes
nice sort of sweetheart, but be very
careful about choosing for q wife. In my
experience + have wished thousand
times that I had never been born,
although being born, like getting mar
ried is, as 1 have already said, a part Of
the lot of humanity but if man can go
through this world and escape matrimo-
nv he is 10 be congratulated. know
only a few old bachelors, but they are
the jolliest fellows ever met. There's
my friend Flanders; he is FIVE years my
senior, but he looks ten years younger.
We we're boys together, and for time
he went with my wife's sister, but she
tilted him and that saved him. Barbara
accepted me, and was glad Of the chance,
I found out afterwards, and here | am
wrinkled, bald headed, weak-eyed and
stoop shouldered, while Flanders is fat
and hearty, contented and prosperous,
not gray hair in his head, and the jol.
liest old dog that ever cracked bottle
OF told story. He has even had the
efrontery to frequently joke me about
my matrimonial venture; and at such
times he always winds up by saying,
"Fogg, old boy, I narrowly missed
becoming brother.in .in.law of yours, but
luck was with me and I escaped"
at such times I am angry enough with
him to wish that he had wife for
awhile just to bring him to his senses,
but, after all, Flanders means we'll; be-
sides, he has good reasons for feeling
Jolly. So who can blame him-Fhineas
Fogg.