The daily critic., 1890-07-18
CLASS Am JOURNALISM.
rt Holds an Interesting Recitation
BEFORE the Professor.

Professor of Journalism-Th ianitor
will please turn loose the A class In
journalism.
TEnte- five section hands from Mis-.
souri,. two Wisconsin piney woods men,
drug clerk, who has sold strychnine
for uuiniue. and an Illinois graduate Of
a veterinary college.
Professor-M POdliver, please give
me the formula for q short dispatch on
election day.
Podliver-The weather is all that
could be desired and the election is
passing of quietly.
Professor Correct Mr. Bnes, what
Is The fitting close for an account of a
suicide?
Biles-No cause is assigned for the
rash act.
professor-ENactly Mr. sweeny.
what form Of hot stuff should you throw
into The body Of your report Of a hang
inp2
sweeny-The drop fell with a-a-
sharp, short swish.
Professor-Tut, tut, Mr. Sweenv.
Try again.
sweeny with some confusion)-Oh,
yes -the-the--drop fell with a dull
thud.
Professor Correct. MIR. Lockiaw,
what is the correct formula for time ex-
pired
Lockiaw-Lo. these many moons.
professor-E Exactly. Mr.. Jellyfsh,
the iiual for punched interviews?
Jellyfish-A consensus Of opinion.
Professor Wrong Mr. Welldigger
Welldigger-Public opinion crystal
lizcd.
Professor Correct. That Is the very
latest Originated In Washington and
has now crossed the Missouri aud
reached Omaha Mr.. Dennis, how
would you describe the obnoxious quail
tiles Of the opposite party?
Dennis-As a hoodlum organization
held together by the cohesive power of
public plumber
Professor-Will Mr. Fungus please
shake of his attack of catalepsy and de-
scribe a confederation?
Fungus-Eh?
Professor-sh Short formula for confa.
gration2
Fungus-Big fire.
Professor-You'r of
Fungus-The red flames leaped
madly upward and their forked tongues
tapped with combustion the dark
cerlilean arch above@the fiery hell be-
low, against which battled the bravest
of the brave. nine stalwart pipemen
and three aXemen from Hook and
Ladder No 'steen.
Professor-Wrong. succinctly, now;
Il must be succinct
Fungus-lIow succinct shall | make
itg
Professor-Qulto MS succinct as pos.
sible
FunCus-It was a holocaust
prufcssOt-Correct Mr. Gibbersnipe,
you may correct this extract from the
Morning Blister. "A large audience
greeted Mr. Silvertongue.
Gibbersnipe-The eloquent orator
| looked down upon a sea of faces.
Professor-All right Now, Mr..
| Podliver, what are the first requisites
| for a good reporter.
Podlivcr-To do as little as possible
and make all he can "on the side,'
/ swipe lead pencils, erasers, inkstands,
umbrellss and cigars from the City
| Hall. strike candidates for drinks. lie
on general principles and borrow money
/ Of his washwoman 20 pay his landladY.
Professor-What should he carefully
avoidg
Podliver.-Doing his duty.
Professor. -Why2
Podllver. because It will brand him
as a rank sucker and excite the jealousy
of others.
Pfofessor.-What becomes Of the an
nual circus tickets.
Podliver.-Gobbled by the business
end.
Professor. What Is the popular I'm
preston among the masses as to who
writes all the scathing editorials!
POdliveT-The advertising solicitor
/ Professionals. Biles, 10 whom do
asinine. fat-Witted individuals. who
wear their brains In q Pschye twist, ap-
ply for an editorial retracti0n2
| Biles-The business manager.
PROFESSIONALLY
/ Biles-OWihg to superabundant nu-
gacity, fatuity, inapdtude, imbecility,
dotishness, hebeude, puerility, anility
and friyolity
ProfessoT-who can give away more
news 10 rival journals than they can get
into their own papersy
Biles-Lady reporters.
Professor-What Is fat takel
Blles- Double. loaded nonpareil.
| PrOfessor-W What Is a lean takel
! Biles-Solid miniOn account OF a
railroad accident written on the top Of a
Saratoga trunk IN a train making forty
i've miles an hour, by reporter with
seven original packages 10 the good.
ProfessoT-Mr. SWeeny, what Is a
fakeY
SweeDy-Pad city's census returns
| PTOfessor-WhO curses in low, gut
tuIal tones at his desk long after mid
nights holy hOuri
| sweeny-The new reporter with 1
fountain pen.
Professor-What is scoop?
| SWeeny-A satisfactory interview on
pay day with the cashier before the
lunch hour.
Professor-What Is a roastl
SWeeny-The truth written in a good
style.
Profeszor-Mr Fungus, 10 what doe
the young. ambitious reporter look for
ward as full Tecompense for the toll
trouble and snubs Of his daily routine
CT assignments
Fungus-Death.
ProfessoT-That will do the janito
will reeonduct the class TO the placI
from whence Il came; give Dir. Fungu
a double stall and bed down the res
with clean timothy hay.
stauisY's Book
FFaa ne London EiitigH Qf tas Nsg F0r
Hfglll
Itwas stated al the banquet given q
Mr Stanley By his publishers that th
paper used % print the various editions
| Continental American and English
l. u q