Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-07-26
Written for THE EVENING STAR
SOME STRANGE EPITAPHS.
Inscriptions to the characteristics OF
Departed Friends.

ments, each distinguished by its peculiar
phases or types. Thought naturally
S> dresses itself with appropriateness for
S the occasion which requires its use.
The rhetorical pomposity Of Fourth of July
Grafton would not be regarded wholly suitable
for the solemn message of consolation addressed
to mourning friends on a funeral occasion; nor
would the concise and barren language Of a
telegraphic message be strictly in harmony
with the spread-eagle efforts of q gushing
sophomore. The eternal fitness of things
manifests itself in all the diversified produc-
tons of the human intellect, and yet there
seems to lurk in the mind the latent convic-
ton that epitaphs frequently contain a vast
deal OF truth, Notwithstanding Byrons ugly
sneer-
'Bclieve q woman, epitaph."
Funeral orations and epItaphs are, a rule,
striking examples of the proneness OF humanity
to be guided by the oft-repeated fallacy,
Nothing concerning the dead but good"
How much better it would be to have the
maxim enlarged and practiced, too, Nothing
concerning either the living or the dead but
truth" We should not then be compelled to
admit the justice of Shakespeare statement
that
THE evil that men do lives after them: the good 10
oft inferred with their bones"
Funeral ceremonies would be less frequently
eulogies on the dead. and those in charge
would initiate the example OF the Roman
orator: II come to bury Cesar, not to praise
him."
To such an extent has the practice of lauda-
ton been carried in the matter Of tombstone
inscriptions that it has been justly dubbed
epitaphy (epi taffy). The exceptions have been
generally the efforts of wags and Just critics
and may be taken a wholesome protest
against the nefarious practice.
Addison was a prince among literary men,
and yet his domestic life was far from being
perfect, if any credence can be placed in the
sentiment said to have been placed upon his
wife's tomb:
Here lies my wife,
Here let her lie
She's at rest
And SO AM /.
ROUGH oS ABRAHAM.
There is probably less of complacency in it
than is found in the inscription upon
the tomb of fair damsel whose friends, while
approaching the blessings of rest on the one
hand, were humorously mindful of some in
conveniences on the other. Here is the in
scription:
Here lies our Mary Ann at rest
Plllowed now on Abraham's breast;
It'svery nice for Mary Ann.
But rather rough ON Abraham.
Upon tombstone in an old Scotch ceme-
terry Is found an inscription which reveals an
unusual degree of post-mortem felicity and
=
use OF appropriate words:
Here at length I repose.
And my spirit at aise Is,
With the tips OF my toes and the end of my nose
Turned up to the roots OF the daisies.
In the Western Reserve of Ohio is tombstone
which expresses flial regard in metrIcal style
thus:
Here lies our father beneath this sod;
His spirit has gone up TO his God.
We never more shall hear his tread
Nor see the wen upon his head.
bas Cd xv;fh
ing delight that masterpiece of English COM
position, "Grays Elegy in a Country Church
Yard" and has had his attention called to the
poets graceful tribute to the humble one whose
lot was cast amid lowiy surroundings:
Here rests his head upon . lap of earth,
A. youth to fortune snd 10 fame unknown:
But Melancholy marked him for her own.
TOMBSTONE PUysTERs.
The services of the wag or professional
rhymester are frequently brought into play in
saying what others only dare to think. The
truth of this is illustrated in the subjoined
stanza:
He heth here
Who lied before;
But since he beth here,
he lies more
Closely related to the foregoing, by the ties
OF consanguinity, was the LAWYER in western
Pennsylvania, concerning whom some evil
genius wrote this epitaph:
Here lies poor sam, and what IL strange
Grim death in him has wrought no change:
He always lied and he always will,
He once lied loud but now he lies still
Some poor soldier in the campaign against
Corinth in 1862 was remembered by comrade
in this quaint couplet:
Here lies Jim Crow
For all know.
Intemperance teaches its victims some i'm
portant lessons which are very often learned
after 1t is too late. 1t is Just as true in the
mental and moral world as il Is in the physical
world that Whatsoever q man soweth, that
shall he also reap"
This accounts for the sentiment which
marked the final resting place OF the inebriate:
q Rec az ne 81 s9n . 2, Thsoao.,as Grim;
Until his bier took him.
1t is refreshing to witness some variation in
the makeup of epitaphs. In the following will
be exhibited q strange combination Of the
spirit OF mammon and parental affection.
Here lies our darling little babe;
She neither cries nor houers;
She lived but one and twenty days
And cost us forty dollars.
When the gold fever broke out in ls49 the
rush to California was very great One of the
adventurers from an eastern state realized
fully the truth Of the declaration. 1T is not
good for man to be alone" In consequence of
his faith he married, in succession, three
courageous women, who dared to 60 to the far
west After they had all died in succession, he
concluded to provide q suitable monument TO
perpetuate their memory and to proclaim ms
good qualities - q husband. Collecting their
remains and placing them in q common re-
ceptacle he erected monument 70 their COM
mon memory. II contained this UNIQUE in
scripn6h:
stranger. pause snd shed tear
T0r Mary Ann lies buried here.
Aixsd n soms lnyster.ous manner
NJ urniua l.1x