The Republican., 1890-07-11
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
It's Editor Continues to Do Business q
the Old Stand.


the last issue of the Arizona Kicker:
A SURPRISED MAN.-Last week we
had friendly criticism on Jim Taylor,
who keeps the whisky ranch at the
other end of the bridge. We stated that
his den was probably the nearest imita.
tion of Hades to be found on earth, and
that the people of this section were not
doing their duty in allowing Jim to con.
sumo so much oxygen and hydrogen.
1t was intended as a pleasant little eau
ton to Jim to set his shanty on fire and
go hence, but he didn't take it thateway.
On Wednesday of this week he came
over to take our scalp. He didn't drop
a hint as to his inten ntions, but when we
caught sight of him block off we knew
by the jerk of ais eyebrows that he
meant US.
If Mr.. Taylor expects to make a sue
cess in life he must carefully observe
two or three things. Don't pull your
gun too quick. Don't shoot before you
get ready. Don't yell when you shoot,
as it only rattles your own nerve. He
opened on rs at distance of 200 feet,
which was $50 feet too much. He was
in too great q hurry to take aim, and his
bullets were wasted. His yells took
away his breath. When he had fired
six bullets at us we closed in, put him
on his back, and made him holler in
about sixty seconds. The look of sur
prise and astonishment on his face as
he found himself licked was laugha-
bic sight. The boys put him in an
empty barrel and rolled him around un-
til he was thoroughly weary, and yester-
day he was chased out of his dive and
departed for the mountains.
IT DIDN'T FAIL.-Last Saturday the
Granite Hill Savings Bank, of this town,
failed to open it's doors, and notice
was posted up to the effect that it would
open in about a week and pay at least
fifty cents on the dollar. The boys got
together about ten o'clock and Mr.. Dug
gan, the president, was invited to ex-
plain matters. He said he hadn't time
just then, but after rope had been
passed over his neck he explained that
the failure had been caused by over
confidence in silver mine investments.
The boys doubted this, and Mr.. Duggan
was taken to the bank and compelled TO
show his books and his cash. After
figuring for about two hours a COM
mittee found that there was money
enough to pay every depositor SLIT on
the dollar, and it was accordingly passed
out and the bank wound up in ship
shape fashion. 1t was no failure. but
simply going out of business. Mr.. Dug
gan had calculated on little scoop, but
the boys got ahead of him. He left
town on foot, carrying q spare paper
collar in his hind pocket, and he will
probably look for some hay-seed town
in which to begin life anew. We have
we permit no bank to fail unless all de-
positors are first paid in full.
FoR OTHER FIELDs-Ex-Judge Jim
Harrison, who has been a ia miliar figure
on our streets for the last year, and
who was supposed to be retired flour
merchant from Minnesota, out here to
cure his asthma, is with us no more. lie
departed yesterday in charge of de-
tective, and will bring up at Joliet as
the end of his journey.
Judge jim objected to the course of the
Kicker. He didn't like US one bit, and
when he SAW us walking TO the front he
felt it personal hit at himself. He
threw out his hints that we were trying
to run the town, but that he would
make us chew cactus bafore he was
done with US. One day two weeks ago
he tried to force us into personal
quarrel, and we learned afterwards that
he had Decringer in his pants pocket
and snapped at US, but it failed to go off.
Believing that we could run the town
better than the Judge, we began hunt
ing up his pedigree, and in the course
of a week discovered that he was an
escaped gentleman" from State prison.
He went away saying that he owed us
one, but as he has seven years yet to
serve we shan't begin to worry for some
time yet.
STILL HAEpING-Our jealous-minded
contemporary is still giving himself
away in every issue of his poor old senile
sheet, and such subscribers as he has,
take it for the sole object of seeing what
he says about US. The hair that broke
the camel's back was our private grave
yard. When we went to an expense of
$50 to remove the soven bodies to nice
little plat OF ground, and to identify
each grave with a nice head board. his
gall bursted. He had no private grave.
yard. He went out to shoot somebody,
but was knocked into the sand and his
gun confscated. He hasn't the nerve
to even throw mud at an Indian.
Poor old man. Poor old contempor-
ary! Your sun went down kerchunk
when the Kicker was established, and
you have been crawling in the moon
light ever since. Blow away if it does
your soul good. 1t doesn't hurt us any,
and but for this escape valve you might
take rat poison or roll into the river
Detroit Free Press.
A Complete Give-Away.
Census Taker Ito an old maid)-When
were you born, Miss?