davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
CRUSTY MARK TWAIN.
Tho Humorist Is Sour, But Worth All
TM Million Dnllnrs.

Tho Humorist Is Sour, But Worth All OF
Tw Million Dollars.
Mark Twain's success in life seems to
have made him crusty and sour, Years
ago, when he was struggling for fame
and fortune on the Pacific coast, those
who know him said he was warm-hearted
and cordial. But he is certainly far
from that now. When he comes to Now
York, as he ofton does, he evades news.
paper reporters, and If by any chance
these Industrious gentlemen manage to
waylay him and seek an interview on
any topic, the great humorist is not only
reticent, but ugly and disagreeable
Perhaps to those he knows he is moro
friendly. At any rate, the reporters
now steer clear Of him. They never
bother him when ho comes to tho city,
and he is left alone in his glory.
saw him on tho street a while ago,
dressed in dark business suit He has
an attractive face, a splendid head, set
upon pair of strong shoulders. His
eyes are clear and his mouth denotes
BredV HTVlHtSS. Ills Hair lS SllNtrlnR
gra aduallS, although there is an abund-
ance of it. His mustache is reddish and
his eyebrows are heavy.
Mr. Clemens lives in style in Hart
ford, CT His home is on Pennington
avenue. 1t is house luxuriously fur
nished and filed with rare pictures and
books. The occupant OF the house ad
Joining is Mrs. Harriet Beccher Stowe,
ard not far away is the home of Charles
Dudley Warner. Mr.. Clemens never
talks about his books except to those
whom he knows intimately. But there
is one topic that he is willing to discuss
at any time, and that is international
copyright, In fact, it may be said that
be is crank on the subject. His books
sell we'll, ''lnnocents Abroad" the
most successful of all his literary ven
lures, has steady sale, and his fortune
is estimated by those who know him to
be considerably over sa,oOO,toO. Some
times fun pays.-N. Y. Mail and Ex-
press.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
Jus, the Position pe,Ired.

Tramp, to farmer-couh you give me
work enough to do to pay my board and
lodging, for few weeks2
"At present there doesn't seem to be
much doing, except to set round at the
store. swap lies-as they say out West,
and smoke"
That's the kind OF job I'd like to
tacklel Say, boss, am ] engagedT'-
nraka's Marazine.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
May and December.

Aged Groom-My dear. have bought
the palace you most desired, the horses
you most liked. and all the jewelry you
took fancy to. Is their nothing else ]
can buy for you?
Young Bride--No. indeed, my l--loye.
don't get any thing more for me. Buy
something fnr yourself. my dear. Buy
q cemetery let.--N. \. Weekly,
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

How little and dried up the cheese
appears to the rat after he Is caught In
the trap. -Atchison Globe.
Abuse is one of the few things
man can get without earning or deserv-
ing Milwaukee Journal.
Calumnators are the asps Of society.
Envy and malice are the herbs upon
which they feed.L. ]. Brown.
Tho man who is perfectly wrapped
up in himself is easily done up by other
people. indianapolis Sentinel.
Joy travels alone and makes short
calls; griof brings along large family
and stops all summer. Ashland Press
Sometimes, to unkindness and injus-
tice, silence may be softer than even
the soft answer which turneth away
wrath.
Some times man takes such high
moral ground that he can't stoop down
to help the needy and distressed Tex
as Siftings.
In our battle of life we should have
something worth fighting for; otherwise
wo can have no creditable victory.
United Presbyterian.
He whose days pass without impart.
ing and enjoying is like the bellows OF a
smith; he breaths. indeed, but he does
not live. Hindu Proverb.
Never look back. You can't help
the mistakes you have made. Don't
think of what you have achieved, but
of what you may accomplish.
What is with tho. treasure must
fare as the treasure; the heart
which haunts the treasure-house where
| the moth and rust corrupt will itself be
rustcd and notification. Many q man,
| many a woman, fair and fiourishing to
see, is going about with rusty, moth.
eaten heart. Macdonald.
Keep to your speciality, to the doing
of the thing that you accomplish with
most OF satisfaction to YOURSELF and
most of benefit to those aboutyon. Keep
to this, whether it be raising turnips or
tunes, painting screens or battle pieces,
studying political economy or domestic
receipts. Frances e. Willard.
Good taste is a true economist II
may be practical on small means, and
sweeten the lot of labor as well as OF
ease. ID is all tho moro enjoyed indeed
when associated with industry and the
performance of duty. Even the lot OF
poverty is elevated by taste. il Exhibits
itself in economies of the household; II
gives brightness and grace to the hum
blest dwelling; II produces refinement
It. cngendors good will, and creates an
atmosphere OF cheerfulncss. Thus good
taste, associated with kindness sympa
thy and intelligence. may elevate and
adorn even the lowest lot.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
A Mild Way to Pnt IL.

"Why, Mister Singer, has dey turned
you off down at de hotel whar you's bin
workin'?'
Ex-Waiter-Not 'zactly 1t comes
bout dis way, You see, dey tole ME dey
didn't hab no furder use fur me after d is
mornin', and | jist got mad an quit
Harper's Bazaar.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
VOLUME vi.
THE OLD FIREPLACE.

You may talk about your furnace fires
That warm your city homes,
And tell me how tho heat aspires,
And through tho building roams;
IT'S handy, I'll admit to push
A little iron wheel
And let the ghost Of summer out
IN 9ut the room to steal.
y nut oh, I'd love to sec once moro
! My fathers big Fireplace,
To hear tho old logs sing and roar,
And watch the dodging sparks outpour
And up the chimney chase
Your modern CRATES nice affairi
When full of anthracite,
IT lends the room n pleasant air
On any winters night.
The glowing Goals flower bed
Lilies and crimson piiks
And 'mong them many an elfln eye
Peeps through and winks and blnks
But oh, 1 long to see once moro
My fathers old flrc.placc;
To watch tho shadows flicker DER
My mothers Whitley sandod noor
And round the ceiling racol
These patent parlor stoves are fine,
And charm away tho chill
With windows whence the light may shine
The room with cheer to I'LL.
Some people lovo to boast about
Our stylish modern ways,
And thank the Lord who cast their lines
In these progressive days.
But oh, that might ho once more
Beside tho old replaced
To see tho floet winged flames upsoar
And watch the flashes ON the floor
Entwino and interlace.
Hearty and jovlnl fires were those
loved so when boy.
They tinted darkness like the rose
And warmed the heart with JOY.
They chuckled In an undcrtono,
They cackled, whistled, laughed,
They burned so bright, tho cares OF life
Flew upward in the draught
And oh, I'd love to bo once more
B eside the old nro-pNace;
To browse upon tho sanded floor
And find my mother bending DER
With lovc-liqht on her facel
George Horton, In Chicago Herald
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
Kept Cool Despite His Eagerness.

Browns wife has eloped, and Smith
meets him tearing along the street.
Smith-What's the matter, old man?
Brown-My wife has eloped and the
pair have lost their money and have
stopped at Trenton.
Smith--For Heavens sake. Brown,
don't do any thing rash, Where are you
going?
Brown-To telegraph them money
N. Y. Tribune.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
-Workinr Up A sensation.-Reportcr

Working Up sensation.-Reporter
~ have great scheme" City Ed
itor (eage:ly)-"What is it2" Reporter
-"Let me have twenty-five dollars and
I'll write up threc-column sensation
on How It Feels TO Have New Suit I"
-Clothier and FuraisheF
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18

Clerical Advice.-A rather plain lady
asks the opinion of her minister: ssIs 1t
a sin to feel a trife of vanity when /
am called handsome by gentleman ?"
"Not sin for you, my child, but ter
rible responsibility hangs upon the
gentleman, ,r-Philsdelphia Times
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18

The money annually spent for cos
metics by the women Of this country
would paint Il, coo houses allowing SIS
for each house.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
But she said 40.

.rwhen was in the Legislature thres
words once would have gained for mt
five thousand dollars"
II can beat that; q single
would have ne,sed me half
"TIalt millioal-
''Just SO. But she spid n
yes, you see. "-Philadelpf
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18

How to Clean Delicate Laces,

A method sometimes used to clean and
whiten very delicate lace is to baste the
lace smoothly on linen cloth, then to
fold the lace inside, and to put the cloth
in bowl and cover it with the best
olive oil, letting it soak for ten hours.
1t should then be boiled for a quarter OF
an hour In water having in solution a
small quantity Of pure fine soap. Rinse
in cold water, put through very thin
starch water, and dry. Do not at any
step Of the process wiring or rub the lace,
but squeeze and press it gently. When
dry, many of the loops and meshes may
be put into shape by passing pins OF
various sizes or bodkin through them.
A firm lace may, after careful basting
upon cloth, be cleaned by a gentle scrub
bing with fine brush dipped in strong
solution of CASTLE soap. To clean thoi
oughly it must be brushed on both sides.
After rinsing in soft water containing a
very little powdered alum, dip soft
cloth in starch water and slightly
moisten the lace on the wrong side, then
lay thin cloth over il and press on the
same side with a moderately hot iron.
Point lace that is very much soiled may
be cleaned in this way.-N. Y. Post.
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18

"A new style of candle has recently
been introduced which is pierced
through its entire length with three
holes. These tiny pipes carry of the
melted wax, thus preventing dripping
on The outside
Lawrence democrat. (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) 1884-1925, 1890-07-18
"A wealthy Georgia man died

"A wealthy Georgia man died recent
ly, and after the last sad rights the
family made search for the will. but
could not find 1t. Finally some one sug-
gested that the body be exhumed. This
was done, and on the inside pocket Of
the grave coat the will was found. The
careful citizen had put 1t there for safe
keeuinr.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17
Fed With Live Rabbits.

A big crowd stood in front of James
Burns animal depot yesterday and gazed
in through the open door, where in the
rear of the store was visible a big glass
box, in which writhed and twisted three
Of the largest boa constructors ever
BROUGHT to this country. They were part
Of consignment of animals recently
shipped to Mr.. Burns.
''lt's almost time for the rabbits to ar
rive from Brooklyn, said James Burns,
the son of the proprietor, land when
they get here I'll show you sight worth
seeing. Those three snakes are big ones,
and measure Il, Is and 2S feet in length,
respectively. The biggest one is over
thirty inches in circumference. The long
sea voyage always makes them hungry,
and they generally take three rabbits
apiece before they are content to 90 into
torpidity. Then they require no more
feeding for several months. These are
genuine African boa constructors, and the
largest one is worth $780,
At this juncture the man from Brook
Ign arrived with a basket. and inside of
it covered three fat rabbits.
"Ah, said Mr. Burns, "now I'll show
you something" He lifted one of the
Dummies out of the wicker cage, and,
raising the top of the glass box, dropped
it inside.
Two of the snakes were quiet, but the
largest one was raising and lowering its
scaly head against the glass and shooting
out its forked tongue, as though it knew
what was coming.
'Brer Rabbit" did not appear at all
frightened, but ran over the serpents'
backs and finally shifted at the small
head of one of the enormous reptiles.
For a moment there was pause, then
came sudden flash and the rabbit was
caught in the powerful jaws and quickly
crushed to death.
For a few woments the boa fondled
the dead rabbit and licked at it as a cat
does kitten, altar which it again seized
its prey by the head and slowly swallowed
it.
The other rabbits were saved for a
later FEAST New York World.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17

stream, coming boldly into sight. But
the next thing noticed was that the In
dams far in front, nearest US, suddenly be-
gan darting behind ridges that secreted
them from the west, and there riding rap
idly around in small circles, their ponies
kicking up dust, their riders displaying
every indication of great excitement. 1
could not imagine what it meant. OF
course / knew that ordinarily it meant
s.enemies in sight, hurry up, hurry up,
hasten to the 'front.' but / felt sure they
could not have seen us, and that If they
had seen that we had eight strong troops
there, they would not have been in any
hurry to have come toward us. In half
an hour, however, the explanation
appeared. Far off to the southeast
long train of wagons appeared, coming
toward the Black Hills. The Indians had
seen them, believed them to be without
guards, and were summoning up their
force to make a sweep and dash upon the
wagons, kill the teamsters and secure the
rich booty that they expected to find.
But they did not get thv wagons that
time.
Later in the campaign, when we were
up close to the Custer battle ground, they
saw for the first time the working of our
signal flag, and the day we started out
on the war-path every one of the Indians
of our Crow and Shoshone allies had
decorated himself with miniature white
flag with a red centre. They had seen
how the white chief, sitting at the door
of his tent, could send messages to the
officers posted with the pickets two miles
away, or to the sergeants in charge OF
the herds, and such was their curiosity
and interest that in short time two or
three hundred gorgeous-looking warriors
had grouped about headquarters, and
seating themselves on the groud, occa-
sionally making whispered comment,
they watched every motion of the signal
man and then the rapid waving of the
tiny dot of white flag far over against
the dark green background of the Cheet-
ish Mountains. One or two could speak
a little English, and their questions were
ceaseless. They had signals by which
they could convey preconcerted MESA
ges, but this was something very differ
ent. "The white mans flag could talk"
and believing it to have some super
natural gift, they began at once making
miniature copies of it, and appeared
next day, every man with his little flag.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17
Toad versus Snake.

heard the latest snake story, yester-
day, and as it was about a Mexican
snake, and SO far away that no one can
verify it, / shall venture to repeat it.
Come to think Of it, the story is a toad
story, although snake was the victim,
so it may be all right. 1t was told by
William Cooper, the onyx miner, in
about this language: ~ have heard and
seen many strange things in the forests
of Mexico, and had heard of toads that
would fight snakes, but never expected to
see one, until one day heard rustling
in the underbrush and saw small snake,
about two feet long, hurrying along as if
in fear Not five PAGES behind it toad
was making furious leaps to keep up with
the snake. stopped to watch them.
The toad gained on the snake, and the
latter suddenly stopped and coiled up,
with its jaws wide open, while it shot out
its tongue and twisted the head back and
forth in an excited manner. Then
noted that 1t had a long head and was
capable of swallowing a pretty good
sized morsel The toad did not seem
worried by the snakes attitude, but kept
right on, and said to myself, as saw it
Jump straight at the reptile, Good by,
toad. The toad's head went right down
the snakes throat, and the snake rolled
out full length and gradually swallowed
the toad. l could see the toad's form in
side the snakes skin as it passed down
into the snakes stomach. Having pulled
out cigar and lit it, had spent nearly
an hour watching this operation when
noticed the snake beginning to writhe,
and on looking closer saw that the toad
must be alive inside, for it was evidently
kicking and distending its legs, and
presently had spread the snakes body
widely. heard q little noise like a pop
gun, and there was Mr.. Toad and a
busted snake. The toad had broken out
of his confinement, and the snake was
dying. Twas told by the Indians that
the sight is not at all an uncommon one"
IN. Y. Press.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17
How to Save Ice.

One of the proprietors of downtown
hay market called me in behind his bar
the other day and pointed out to me two
cakes of ice wrapped in heavy packing.
They were surrounded by bottles of pop
and other drinkables, and he said:
sMany men do not know how to econo-
mize on ice, but want to tell you that I
have discovered an elegant scheme. This
is Tuesday, and | laid in that ice this
morning. By wrapping it up like that |
will make it last until Saturday, while if
l left it exposed it would not go through
Thursday. l tried one chunk exposed
and another wrapped up, and the latter
kept twice as long as the other. | paid
81 for these two pieces. In other seasons
l would have used twice as much and
paid more for it in the end. y Troy On.
W Standard.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17
Durability of cleopatra's Needle.

Some fear as to the possible disintegra-
ton of Cleopatra's needle in London,
England, having lately been expressed,
Mr.. John Dixon, a well-known authority
on obelisks, has carefully examined the
great relic, and reports that he fails to
detect upon the surface a sign of any de-
cay whatever. There is no saying what
time may do, but, on behalf of the
needle, there is this to be said That it
stood for some eighteen centuries before
the Christian era, and has stood for nearly
nineteen since, and during these 3,700
years not one single portion of the heiro-
glyphics has been erased. This is rather
long time, and there is no reason to
suppose that the week after next
change will begin. 1t is not generally
known that, having been erected by the
Pharaoh Rameses ii. at the main gate
way of his temple at On, the Heliopolis
of the Greeks, and having stood there
for eighteen centuries, it was about
twenty three years B. c., removed by
order of Cleopatra to the palace she was
erecting at Alexandria for Julius Caesar.
Il Commercial Advertiser.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17
Relic of Serpent Worship.

A huge serpent mound has been discov-
cred in the Carthage road between
Quincy aud Carthage, ILL.,, by the Rev.
S. D. Poet. A clearly defined rattlesnake
lies coiled along the ground following the
line of the bluff. Its entire length is
1, $50 feet. The ridge has been ploughed
down until it is now only two or three
feet above the surface, out the outlines
are still plainly discernible The mounds
at the coils of the serpent are ten or
twelve feet high. The specific dimen-
sions are six hundred feet from the head
to the coils; the coils occupy a space
three hundred feet in length and are
made up of four distinct mounds 100 feet
apart. From the coils to the rattle of
the snake is $50 feet, and there are three
rattles occupying space of 100 feet. The
serpent lays north and south, a straight
line drawn through it showing a defiec-
ton to the east of fifty feet near the head
and seventy-ive feet near the tail. Mr.
Peet explored one of the mounds. and a
few feet below the surface found the re-
mains of five persons, but he does not
think that these are the remains of the
serpent worshipers, which he thinks are
buried deeper. He will make further
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17
The sensus scheme wouldn,t work.

A tough-looking customer with a
dilapidated valise in his hand stopped
outside the gate in front of a house in
one of the suburbs day or two ago
and called to the woman who was sitting
on the porch: -.
@Madam, you will oblige me with the
information whether or not you keep a
dog?'
sir ?" she responded.
He took a dog-eared notebook from
the valise and made memorandum In
it.
aRefuses to answer" he said. Rails
ing his voice he called out again:
MAN of the house at home"
"Never you mindl" retorted the wo-
man. I'm running this house just now.
Anything you wAnt?' !,
He appeared to be on the point OF
making another entry in his greasy
memorandum book, but thought better
of il aud put it back in the valise
II have asked you these questions,
madam, he said, mot necessarily Tor
publication but as a guarantee OF good
faith If I understand you correctly
Won positively refuse to answer
aYou understand me exactly. IL
won't pan out. The census man mas
already been along here. sir.
II inferred as much, relolned the
tough looking customer, with q shade q
sadness in his voice. Under the CIR
cumstances it would not be worth while
70 ask you, presume, if you have any
eligible cold victuals to give out
1T would not.
Just so, said the iaded tourist, and
be lifted his hat, took careful survey
Of the surrounding dwellings and fol-
lowed his nose little further down the
streat TO a house that seemed to give
fo,tb an odor of fried chicken.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-17
BrLxrNs' POPULARITY.

GUEST understand that Bilkins is one
of the most popular men in your city.
Host-Did Bilkins tell you that!
Guest-Oh, no; have not met Bill
kins for years.
Host-Ah, then you have been talking
with his wife. II New York Weekly.
HIS (x) MARK.
"There's a man who has made hi
mark
''That MANI He's my gardener-can't
even write.p
mo; and that's the reason he makes
his mark. = Lawrence American.
ANOTHER swITcHoFF.
First Chinaman lin the Flowery King
doml-Woo. What's thatG
Second Chinaman dumping about a
yard)-Wool Big shock Wool Guess
these Americans must have put their
wires underground. = New York
Weekly.
A PUZZLE GIVEN UP.
"They say that Sly, the refugee. is
proving puzzle to everybody
He is indeed. He gave himself up
yesterday
EcoNoMIzTNG III POSTAGE STAMPS.
One day last week gentleman sent his
coachman to the neighboring village for
fifty cents worth Of two-cent stamps.
After the usual time had elapsed John
returned from his tramp of two miles.
His face wore self-satisfied look when
he came into his employers presence.
SCOT the stamps, john"
'Yes, sir" the man replied, handing
over bunch of one-cent stamps.
II said two-cent stamps, John, and
you've got ones.n
"Yes, sir, and the smile widened, II
asked for fifty cents worth o. stamps,
and the postmaster says he, 'one cent or
two cents?' an ! bought the one-cent
stamps, sir"
OF course Johns master was charmed
with his thrift Pittsburg Dispatch.
RATHER EMBARR AssING.
'Know that young lady at the piano,
Mr.. Bluntg"
Eyes, l am slightly acquainted with
her.
''Well, wish was.n
''Whyw
'Id cultivate her until | knew her
well enough to tell her she can't sing.
Hervoice reminds me of the cry Of fish
hawker Can't you introduce mel"
"With pleasure. am her father"
INcoNGRUITY.
Mr. Figg-What are you thinking over
so deeply, my dearl
Mrs. Figg-I was Just wondering
whether to cut off Tommy's curls or to
make him stop swearing. -ITerre Haute
Express.
LITTLE LATE.
He-May have the pleasure of your
company at supper, Miss Breezy
She--You're little late, Mr.. Waldo;
I've been down to supper three times al
ready. IL Judge.