Morning journal and courier., 1890-05-10
ALIVE.

The cat has nine lives, which shows that
 nature had pretty fair idea of what the cat
 would have to go through.-Life.
 sI am another man since I was marriedl"
 exclaimed the happy Benedict "And does
 your wife love that other man!"-Puck.
 Ted-"I made Dolly tell me the things she
 loved me for" Ned-"Well!" Ted-"I
 didn't really possess single one of them."- Epoch.
 Shs-"If capital punishment must be I
 certainly favor electricity. He-"Oh! that
 is to say, you prefer currents to raisins. ."- Racket.
 First housekeeper-s'What is your idea of
 the height of sarcasm2" Second housekeeper -"Calling servants help" '"- Somerville Journal.
 The lazy bootblack does not improve each
 shining hour. He should take lessons from Howdoth, the little busy bse.-New Orleans
 Picayune.
 Brilliant Teohnique-Kirby Stone-"Your typewriter seems to work very rapidly" Wilson Deeds-"Well, rather! She was one of Liszt's favorite pupils.-Puck. Dangerous.-"I assure you, doctor, my
 husband has just had a very good idea"
 "And yet expressly warned him against
 over exertion. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
 Customer-"I want to get an unabridged
 dictionary. Clerk-Yessir. Webster or
 Worcester." Customer-"Makes no differ
 ence. It's the only thing will keep my
 trousers from bagging. Clethier and Fur
 nisher.
 She Wasn't Musical.-Mrs Snowflake
 Cant stay long, Mrs. Kink; I jess cum in
 tu see of yo' would join de Mission Band"
 Mrs. Kink-"Fo' de law, honey! doan' cum
 tu me. I can't eben play on a mouf organ" Texas Siftings.
 No Notice Taken of It.-First Tramp-'T don't see why our names don't get into the papers, Bill."-Second Tramp-"Why should theys" First Tramp-"WelI, read to-day New York day or two ago. We get din- ners given to us every day, and nothing is ever said about it. Folks is preiudiced,
 Bill."-Musey's Weekly. Employer-CPatrick,h have you tapped the maple trees in the yard, as told you to, this morning" Patrick (recently arrived from Cork)--'. .Yis, sor, but divil a bit av juice kem from them, bedad!" Employer Strange! This has been beautiful sugar weather. What did you tap them withs" Patrick-"Wid shtick, scr, and begorra oi struck them har'rd, too!"-Burlington Free Press.
 Relics of Antiquity. Visitor at National Museum GA. D. 199W-"What queer-lookipg things are these?" Venerable Custodian
 ''The ono on the right is a specimen of the
 lamps they used in railroad cars in this coun
 try 100 years ago." "And what ig the one on the lefta" ''It is a sample of the lamps
 supposed to have been used in lighting Noah's Ark during the food" (Mystihed)- "Why-they they are exactly alike!"-Chi- cago Tribune.
 Years ago there lived in a town not far
 from Portland man of property, education,
 ability and good habits. He was elected eev- eral times to the legislature and served with credit to himself and to his constituents. In old age misfortune came upon him. He lost all his property and went to live with his younger brother because be had nowhere else to go. But the brothers children would not have the old man in the house and ordered | the selectmen to remove him. He was taken l to the poor farm and there he died. Later 1 on these game children removed their uncle's | remains to the village cemetery and at the l head of the grave set up marble slab and placed upon it this inscription: Farewell. l dear Uncle, until we meet in Better Land." Portland Argus.