Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-01-23
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Real Editorial Happenings, Found Only IN
the West.

Detroit Free Press
We extract the following items from the
Arizona Kicker:
APoLoGETICAL.-We must apologize
to our readers this week for any lack of in
teresting matter in The Kicker. Mon
day morning, as we were busy at the edi-
torial table, the parsonage known as
kansas Joe. entered the office and fired
both barrels of shotgun at us from dis
lance of eighteen feet. One of the shot
raked our scalp, while the rest passed over
our head into the wall In another thirty
seconds Joseph was dead. We pulled on
him with a revolver under smoke and
dropped him with single bullet. Scores
of our leading citizens pronounced it the
finest shot they have ever known.
There was the usual inquest, burial. etc.,
occupying so much of our time that we
could not give the paper the attention it
deserved. Next week, unless we have to
kill Tennessee Bill, The Kicker will again
be fully up to the mark.
SEE HIS AD.-We call attention to the
two-column advertisement of the White
Elephant drug store, which is to be found
ON our third page. This advertisement
was not given The Kicker because we
had ascertained that Mr.. Drew. the drug
gist, was an absconder from New
Jersey, and was here living under false
name aud with a woman not his
wife, but because he is a believer in print
er S ink and the faith that The Kicker will
increase his already large and profitable
retail trade.
HAPPENS THAT WAY.-On Friday af-
ternoon we approached HeLry Smith, of
the dry goods firm of Smith Bros, and
suggt sted that he advertise his business in
The Kicker. He courteously replied that
he would see US in the huckleberry country
whatever that is-before he would do bus
mess with us. One word brought on an
other, and the result was that he knocked
US down, picked up our half unconscious
body and mopped it around until he began
to sweat his collar, and we were then flung
out of the door into the sand.
We can t and don expect to HEX every
body we bump up against in this country.
We have chawed up seven for every time
we have been done up, and everybody says
that is a record to boast of. As for Henry
Smith, while we owe him no grudge. we
deem it our duty to find out where he is
wanted by the police, as we IL bet barrel
of sugar he jumps this town inside of two
weeks.
LET HIM HowL.-Our bow-backed, lop-
shouldered, knee-sprung, green-eyed con-
temporary down the street is half dead
with envy because we were the leading
feature at Mrs. O'Hara's party the other
evening, while he received the cold cut
While we were receiving ahundred compli-
ments on our late editorial in regard to
colonizing Iceland with American In
dians, he was sitting among his paste-pots
with cold glare in his eyes. While we
were leading the first quadrille he was
kicking cockroaches In the semi-darkness,
and while we were declaiming Sheridan s
Ride" in our own inimitable style the fire
of envy was consuming his small. cheap
soul, which was doubtless purchased at
some secondhand store in the east.
Let him howl, however. We can af-
ford to pass him by with good nature.
We are as far above the old vulture as
Pixies Peak is above the deepest spot in
the sea.