The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1890-04-24
The ARIZONA KICKER.
Some of the Sorrows and Joys of Westerz
Editorial Iifes

last issue of the Arizona Kicker, which
was only half sheet, and which seemed
to have been printed on a cheese-press.
ExPLANAToRY.-We. owe our readers
an apology for the shape and appear
ance of the Kicker this week, and shall
proceed to give it. Last Sunday we went
over to Silver Bend to see the boys and
rake in few subscriptions. Our office
was left in charge of chap just from
the East who claimed to be George AL
fred Townsend. AS we had never met
George we did not feel like calling the
stranger liar.
We intended to return Tuesday morn
ing, but in this country man proposes
and mules and other things buck against
him. The internal, lop-eared, stiff
legged, pig-headed, limb-spavined beast
which we rode-a fit counterpart of our
contemporary down the street-threw
us nine times in going thirteen miles,
and we arrived at the Bend badly used
up. We hadn't yet raked in dollar
when Lew Smith, pug-ugly whom we
assisted to run out of our town four
weeks ago, sounded his war-cry and be-
gan to encourage the Benders to hang
us. Most of 'em were on drunk that
day, and the proposition at once found
favor.
Under the pretense that we, as editor,
publisher, proprietor and city editor of
the greatest weekly in the West and
which runs as an annex, but under the
same roof, a grocery, butcher shop, feed
store, shoe store, hardware and cutlery,
had been seeking to break down the
social barriers of the mighty West, they
hunted up rope and selected tree.
We appealed, but it only added to their
desire. We tried to argue, but they
wouldn't have it. Our editorial person
was laid hold of and hustled along to a
rope dangling from limb, and as we
looked over the crowd and failed to
catch sympathetic eye we felt that our
time had come.
The boys were white about one thing.
Drunk as they were, they had sense
enough to realize that q great editor
could not wind up his earthly affairs in
satisfactory manner under fifteen min
utes, and on motion of half-breed, who
once succeeded in borrowing half dol
lar of us, the time was increased to
! twenty. We wanted to argue the case,
but it was no go. We started in on
speech, but they whooped us down. BY
the time that we got down to business
/ five of our twenty minutes had fed
! During our editorial career we have
assisted at several amateur executions.
We had always supposed that if tho
crowd was satisfied the victim was bound
to be. 1t never seemed much of an ef-
fort for him to let go of earthly matters,
and we have sometimes wondered why
more of them didn't come forward and
ask to be pulled up to limb. Our ideas
underwent great change as we sat on
meat-box under dangling rope, while
the minutes hurried away like jackass
rabbit taking the lead of prairie fire
on windy day. Any man who believes
he can do business under such circum.
stances is mistaken. He feels restless
and unsettled, and his mind seems to be
distributed over acres of space.
1t was only after we had lost twelve
minutes of our time fooling around that
we started IN on our last will and testa-
ment, and we hadn't written three lines
of that before we suddenly recollected
that we were without blood relative
on earth. AS to leaving the Kicker and
its annex to any galoot in town was not
to be thought of, and we finally made
Fout bill of sale to that individual
known as William of the Hill, who has
several times appeared in our town and
attempted to run the city government
with broncho and two revolvers. We
didn't expect him to maintain its high
literary standard and great moral excel
lence, but we knew he'd kill the post.
master and make sieve of our contem-
porary the first week of his editorial
career.
When time was up the moose was
placed over our head and tightened un-
der our chin, and it admonished US to
observe the apparent enjoyment of the
crowd. They seemed to feel in as good
spirits as an army horse turned out to
buffalo gaass, and their impatience to
make pendulum of our body was an.
other queer feature of the convention.
We had just been drawn off our feet,
and our editorial ideas were becoming
rapidly mixed, when lot of passing
cow-drivers happened along and broke
up the candy pull on the ground that
they were waiting to hang US the first
time we came up there. We we're saved
to be hung at Phenix-if we ever show
up there.
We are just able to crawl around. We
have chills, sore throat, pains in the
back, headache and a general feeling
that we don't care copper which party
elects the next President. We apologize
for the appearance of things this week,
and promise not to be lynched again if
in our power to avoid it.-Detroit Free
Press.
Doubtless a Slander.
Barber-Your scalp seems to be in
perfect condition, but your hair is get
ting thinner all the time, in spite OF
every thing can do. can't understand
it
RepuIar CustOmer-I sonetiues tell