davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
Bo und to Have His Smoke.

There is a married man living up town
who dearly loves to smoke. Before he
married he promised, of course, as most
men do, that the minute he was married
he would quit smoking. And, of course,
as most men do, within month after the
wedding he was indulging himself on the
way down town. OF course, he had the
odor of tobacco smoke about his clothes
continually, and he tried to make his wife
believe that it came from being where
other men were smoking, but she would
not have it. So he boldly confessed and
began to smoke in the house. This, she
declared, she would nat endure and the
poor gentleman was put to his
trumps to satisfy his craving for the
weed. AS it happens, there is a police
station across the way and he bethought
him that the officers might permit him to
smoke in one of the detention cells. He
applied to the captain and his request was
granted. So every evening now he strolls
over to the police station, goes to a cell,
and smokes his pipe in peace. Buffalo
Courier,
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
Misleading Statistics.

Too implicit trust should not be
placed in extraordinarily low death rates,
says London statistician. 1t is fire.
quently stated that the death rate Of
some particular place is but eight, ten OF
twelve per thousand inhabitants. A
moments consideration will show that
such figures are fallacious, for a death
rate of ten per thousand means either
that every child born reaches the age OF
hundred, or that the average age OF
all who die is hundred. 1t is certain
that there is no community in which
every child that comes into the world
will pass safely through the many dangers
that beset childhood, and therefore Q
death rate of ten per thousand must
mean that every adult who dies is con
siderably over q hundred years of age.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

stories of the lives of other men who
rise to fortune through the force OF in
dustry and their own ability. The
present Postmaster General was born
in Chambersburg, Pa, in 1888. When
q boy he worked in the little brickyard
owned by his father, and left that to
enter book store at $1.25 week.
His next move was to Philadelphia,
and he got there aided only by the
sturdy legs that trudged over every
foot of the way between Chambersburg
and the city of white marble steps. In
Philadelphia he married, and was made
Secretary of the Young Mems Chris
tian Association-two events that hap
pened not very far apart.
In 1861 his father-in-law started him
in store which was the beginning OF
his present immense establishment.
That is the story of his life. And it is
as different from his present existence
as the brickyard of his boyhood is diff
ferent from the Postoffice Department
of the United States.
The present family of the Postmas-
ter General consists of that official
himself, Mrs. Wanamaker, Thomas B.
and L. Rodman Wanamaker, and the
two girls, Misses Minnie and Lilly, the
former debutante of this season and
the latter sprightly young lady of 13.
One of the sons, the elder, is in Phila-
delphia, while l.. r. Wanamaker is in
France representing the firm of Wan
amaker & Co., of Philadelphia. Mrs.
Wanamaker and her two daughters
are in Washington.
The house occupied by the Wana,
makers is not only historical but sur.
rounded by memories of the most
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

crude as to social observances, so Mr..
Wanamaker sent his wife word to make
the caller as much at home as possible.
AS it happened, the caller made his
appearance just as Mrs. Wanamaker
was in the midst of an afternoon tea.
When he saw what was going on a
nervous desire to get out only increased
his embarrassment. Mrs. Wanamaker,
seeing this, tried to calm him with a
cup of tea served in cup belonging
to new and almost priceless set,
handing him the beverage with her own
hand. Of course the first thing the vis-
ltor did was to break the cup, at which
mishap he was rapidly dying of fright
when Mrs. Wanamaker turned to him
and said:
"These cups are so fragile that they
are almost useless" and then turning,
SO as to be seen by all, said: "See how
easily they break, and while speaking
crushed the cup in her own hand into
dozen pieces.
But to return to the Postmaster Gen
eral himself. There is about his office
none OF the exclusiveness that so often
marks the Cabinet officer. Between
Mr.. Wanamaker's desk and the corri-
dor of the department there is but one
door, and that is of lattice work. No
double row of secretaries or aids ask
you what you want or why you want
it. You go in, wait your turn in the
ante-room, and are then privileged
to walk up to the desk of the Postmas-
ter General, make your little speech,
and then give the next man chance.
There is not single employe of the
United States Government that works
harder or more hours day than the
Postmaster General. He rises at 6,
breakfasts at $3.50. reads the morning
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
A Change of Room.

"You will have to give me anothei
room, guess" said Congressman t.
the hotel clerk.
whats the matter? aren't yor
comfortable where you are?"
well, not exactly. That German
musician in the next room and 1 don't
get along we'll. Last night he footed
away on his clarionet so that thought
I never would get to sleep. After
had caught few winks Twas awakened
by a pounding on my door. What's
the matter? asked. OF you blease,
said the German, dot you would
schnore of the same key. You vas &c
from , fiat to G., und it schpoils dei
moosfn ~ Wn 9 Ai9latOn Post.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
MABEL'S GRANDMA.

This is sense, even if it is not Shakes
pearean. Indeed, it is the opening stanza
of an anonymous poem. 1t was the senti-
ment of an old lady to her grandchild
Mabel. And many Mabel has found it
to be true, and she has made her life very
happy one because she has taken care Of
Der Ppd
is not troubled with those wasting diseases,
weaknesses, dragging down" sensations
and functional irregularities that SO many
women endure. 1t is the only medicine for
women, sold by druggists, under positive
guarantee from the manufacturers, that
it will give satisfaction in every case or
money will be refunded. This guarantee
has been printed on the bottle wrappers,
and faithfully carried out for many years
"Favorite Prescription is a legitimate
medicine, not beverage. Contains no
alcohol to inebriate no syrup or sugar to
derange digestion As peculiar in its reme-
dial results as in its composition.
As a powerful, invigorating tonic, it
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

imparts strength to the whole system,
and to the womb and its appendages in
particular. For overworked, !" worn-out,"
run down." debilitated teachers, millin-
| ers, dressmakers, seamstresses, " "shop-girls,m 81
housekeepers, nursing mothers, and feeble
women generally, DR.. Pierce's Favorite
Prescription is the greatest earthly boon
being unequaled as an appetizing cordial
and restorative tonic, or strength -giver.
As a soothing and strengthening nervine,
Favorite Prescription" is unequaled and
is invaluable in allaying and subduing
nervous excitability, irritability exhaus,
tion, prostration, hysteria, spaslns and other
distressing, nervous symptoms, commonly
attendant upon functional and organic dis
ease. 1t induces refreshing sleep and re-
ieves mental anxiety and dependency.
"A Book of 100 pages, on woman and
Her Diseases, their Nature and How to
on receipt of ten cents, in stamps
Address, WORLDS DIsPENsARY MEDICAL
ASSOCIATION, 663 Main St., Buffalo, N. Y.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
WISE AND UNWISE.
HALF fare-a mulatto.

HALF fare-a mulatto.
WHO kills all the dead letterI? Miss
Direction.
EVER and anon turning over o new
leaf-the cigarmaker.
liz the world is stage we suppose
it is the sea that takes the heavy roles.
LUsHER-My dear, think 1 will go
out and get an opera glass. Mrs. L.
Better get pair and not go out after
the next act.
HE-They say it takes three genera
tions to make gentleman. She-In-
deed What a pleasant prospect for
your grandson.
GUILTY conscience: Waiter Cat the
club)-There is lady outside who says
that her husband promised to be home
early tonight. All Gising)-Excuse
me moment.
SMARTY-I wonder how the moon
manages to sustain her social status
among the heavenly bodies when she
gets full so often. Tarty-Oh, the
stars wink at her delinquencies.
TEACHER - Johnny, what do you
think you would like to be when a man ?
Pupil-A school teacher. Teacher
And why? Pupi-'Cos dad says folks
don't need to know much for that.
The outburst of hitherto patient
boarder: "Mrs. Starvem, I can stand
having hash every day in the week, but
when on Sunday you put raisins in it
and call it mince pie, draw the line.
"Now, PATRICK, in regard to wages
I'll give you $50 a month with board
or $50 without board" II don't under
stand, sor; but I'll take $50 a montl
and ate meself, or I'll take $50 and lave
me ate you"
UNDERTAKEN Ito new assistant)-G,
down town and get bier. Tell them t.
charge it to me. New assistant Ito him
self)-Gewhillikens! That's the kin,
of man like to work for. I'll make
two for luck.
JoNEs-Why, Phoebus, you surel,
cannot have whitewashed that bacl
room in SO short time. You were t,
put on two coats of whitewash, yol
remember Phoebus-Yes, sab. l don,
put on bofe togedder.
A DISTINGUISHED guest Hostess
Wall, eldah, dinnah's all ready. Igues!
ef yo' jes hitch yo' chah up to de table
now Host-Neb' min bout movin'
Ike, jes' tex hoP dat en- de table, an
slide it up to de eldah.
DooToR-Well, my fine little fellow
you have got quite well again. was
quite sure that the pills I left for you
would cure you. How did you take
them, in water or in cake? "Oh, l used
them in my gun"
PAPA's credit was bad: Stranger
little man, do you know where 1 can pur
,chase some bed tick? Little man
They amt no place in town. sir. 80
there must be-" "Well, anyway,
heard pa tell ma that he couldn't ge
none"
SELF-ARREsTED prisoner--Fo heaven
sake, your Honor, send me somewhere
where can do some work. Pm dying
from inactivity. The Judge-Who are
you? Prisoner-Pm Chauncey Depew's
cook, sir. He hasn't been home to din
ner for four years.
DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LOADED.
pushed the wavy golden locks
From off her forehead fair,
And where Il frown had lately been
kiss printed there
hold the tresses shining fair
As yellow buttercup
| WAS that good kiss, loye?" said /,
And she replied, "Bang up.
-BI71io1,ian.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
A Human Sandwich.

Fred Roberts, Il workingman of New
York, out of work, invited attention to
himself the other day by walking along
Broadway with this placard on his back
am not Bret Harte, Berry Wall or
George Francis Train; simply a married
man, street railroad employe out of
work, who has used every means to find
employment. / do not wish to say any
thing against the circulation of the New
York press. l am an earnest, hard
worker, willing to do anything. Please
do not stare at me, as am modest.
Yours very truly,
THE SANDWICH.
He was arrested and hauled to the
Tombs, but was discharged on his
promise not to display his sign any more.
james Gordon Benefits hair has turned
white since he was last in America
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

rite over, fur in the fust place WANTED
you to promise to kim over and spend
one hull day mex weak, an in the mex
place wunted to onburden my hart
to sum sympathizin feline, an I didn't
no of emmy buddy thet wus more SO
than you"
"Pm proud O yure conference" ses L,
Q wipin my specks an tellin William
Henery to go put up Begun, es I led the
way into the frunt room. "It's about
Mary Hammer" ses she, arfter she'd
got out her nittin' work, shes thet on
happy, an her man drinks an abuses
her, an to think we made her marry
him" an Mis- Perkins sithed. "Wel1,
it's too bad" ses I, "but what KANT be
cured must be endured, an she tuck
him fur better nor worse, an eff she
finds him sum worse then she expected
why she ort to stick the titer to him. u
Il wunt you to talk to her about it, "
ses she, wipin her eyes on her apron
es she seen Mis- Purdy cummin up
the lane.
/ promised I wood.
"I've made up my mind" ses she,
TO let my other gals marry who thay
plese, an Ellie is q goin to take the
Doctor, an Emmie an the minister is
awful frenzy, but don't mention it, ses
she. An sed L woodn't, an jist then
Mis- Purdy kim in.
"Whare's William Henery ?" ses she,
arfter she'd shuck hans an kissed me.
He jest stepped out with Ben while
ago.
"Well, is it SO? ?" ses she.
What SOP" ses Mis- Perkins an me
to onct.
"Why, thet you folks air goin to
sell out an go to Utah, WHARF he kin
marry Mis- Boggs an be a Morning
alder" ses she.
"Land Lowell" I gasped; "of all
things! Why, we haint never even
thunk sech thing"
"Well, it is quare how sech things
sturt," ses she.
"Tis SO, ses Mis- Perkins. "What
kind o luck you he'd with your turkeys
this year ?"
80, / didn't raise nun. Purdy sed
last year when thay ct all the cabbig
thet thay Student never not another
one cum on to the place, so I didn't set
emmy this year"
"Thay be dretful instructive crit
ter" ses 1.
"Yes, an do you fead your calves
this summer, Mis- Perkins?" ses Mis-
Purdy.
"No, we let 'em have half the milk. "
"Thet is the bes way, think" ses I.
EYES," ses Mis- Purdy, "but he'd you
heerd thet Mis- VanDyke he'd new
bow?"
"No," ses we in breth.
"Well, she hes; he's ole tooth-pullin
man. I don't spose the school marm'
want him.
81 don't no, I'm shore; she likes to
devil the widder," ses 1.
"Yes," ses Mis- Purdy, "Jonathin
Blodgerses air gittin better O. the
hoopin cough, now."
81 glad to hear it," ses T.; an jest
then William Henery cum q sneekin in
an fust Mis- Purdy node he hollered
"boo!" jest es lowd es he Good rite into
her ear.
90! you ole scalawag," ses she, 0
hittin him lick over the back with
her parasol un brakin it rite smack
off'n the han'le.
"Goody good!" ses he, an run off an
her arfter him, an he never quit till he
he'd opsot swill pales an hurt his
corns, then he baiged off.
wus glad they didn't hev no serum
mig. Yourn thankfully,
HESTER ANN SoooPER.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

OBODY likes a good
story or joke better than
John Wanamaker, and
none can laugh with
more heartiness, writes
a Washington cores
'pondent. The story of
his early life is brief,
and very much like the
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

tits very important in this age Of vast mate
rial progress that remedy be pleasing to the
taste and TO the eye easily taken, acceptable
to the stomach and healthy in its nature and
effects. Possessing these qualities, Syrup ot
Figs is the one perfect laxative and most gen.
tie diuretic known.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

The Proprietor of Kemp's Balsam gives
Thousands of Bottles away yearly? This mode
of advertising would prove ruinous If the
Balsam was not perfect cure for Coughs and
all Throat and Lung troubles You will see
the excellent effect after taking the first dose
Don't hesitate! Procure bottle to-day to keel
in your home or room for immediate or future
use. Trial bottle Free at all druggists. Large
Size 50c and 81
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
Now is the + Time

To purify your blood and fortify your system
against the debIiitating effects of spring weather
At no other is the bitter taste in the mouth
more prominent, the breath so offensive, the
drowsy dizziness so frequent, or that extreme tired
feeling so prevalent. Hoods Sarsaparila is just
the medicine to build up the system, purify the
blood cure bIliousness and headache, overcome
that tired feeling and create good appetite. The
peculiar medicinal merit of Hoods sarsaparilla Is
shown by the many remarkable cures It accom-
pishes where Others fail
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
STORY OF A BUSY LIFE.
HON. JOHN wANAMAKER, POSTMAs-
TER GENERAL.

How He Won His Way in the world-His
Public and Home Life-PersonaI Char
acteristics and business Methods-His
Wife n Woman of Tact.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

papers, and is at his desk at 8 o'clock,
an hour before the department is
open for business or the clerks have
arriuad
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

AN edge-tool trust is the latest ad-
dition to that class of combinations.
The projectors should remember that
some tools cut both ways.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

The Oldest editor in Ohio is Oran Follett,
of Sandusky. He is nearly 95 years of age.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

Col. J. A. Wood, the travelling man of the
Concord On H.) Monitor, has been made con-
sui at Sher brooke, Ont.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
The Only Guaranteed Cure

For all blood taints and humors, pimples,
blotches, eruptions and skin diseases of every
name and nature, is Dr. Pierce's Golden Medi-
cal Discovery. A certificate of guarantee from
q responsible business house warrants 1t to
benefit or cure, or money refunded.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
Hoods s
SarsaparilIa

"ior first-cass Spring medicine my wife and
think very highly of Hoods sarsaparllla. We both
took 1t last spring. 1t did us great deal of good
and we felt better through the hot weather than
ever before. 1t cured my wife of sick headache,
from which she has suffered great deal, and re-
lieved me of dizzy, tired feeling. think every
ought to take something to purify the blood be-
fore the hot weather comes on. y. II. PEARcE,
supt. Granite Ry. Co., Concord, N. H.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

H, NJ, Stanley's book, when it appears,
will be publ he'd in French. German, Italian,
Czech, Morse, Spanish and English.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
The Devil Broke Loose.

HlLE working on
a Southern news
paper I was sent
down into a swamp
neighborhood t o
investigate a ru-
NOR to the effect
that the devil had
broken loose. No,
it was not a po-
litical disturbance.
Tt was declared by
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

The ex-Empress Eugene has taken tc
writing poetry, said to be of excellent quality
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

:, Sic Norets Free, sent by Cragin &c Co.. Phil,
"a. to any one IN Y; s, or Canada, post paid
wrappers. See list of novels on circ ulars aronn3
each bar. This soap for sale by all grocers.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

Chronic Nasal Catarrh positively cured b.
DR.. Sage's Remedy. 50 cents, by druggists.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

Oakley Hall is now in charge of the Lon
don bureau Of the New York World
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
STATE OF OHIO, CRY OF TOLEDO, 90

STATE OF ONO, CITY OF TOLEDO, 90
LUCAS COUNTY, l0'
FRANK j. CHENEY makes oath that he is the
senior partner of the firm of f. J. CHENEY &
Co., doing busine7s in the City of Toledo,
County and State aforesaid, and that said firm
will pay tho sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS
for each and every case of Catarrh that cannot
be cured by the use of Hlh.'s CATARRH CURE.
Sworn TO before me and subscribed in my
presence, this 9th day of december, A. D., 1886.
I~l A. w. GLEASON.
1sEAL Notary Public.
t@)
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally and
acts directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces the system. Send for testimonials,
free.
F. J. CHENEY & Co., Toledo, o.
e5B Sold by Druggists, TIC.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
LETTERS FKVM THE UuKNEKs,
NECK OR NoTHIN' HALL,
KH.RENNy CoRNFRa

III. EDITUR: Thay
want nuthin in un-
Eder the sun pur-
" Q n t Q d Sally an
EWillam II e n cry
'frum havin a serum
mig, only Mis- Per-
Ikins frum over on
to Spider Crick q
driven up jest then.
!. II heerd you wus
back, =" ses she, "an
i jest hitched up
old Begun an kim
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

Watch for Murray's Buggy adv. next week.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
Progress.

John Russell Young is on trip with James
Gordon Bennett, yachting
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

Hoods Sarsaparilla Is the best blood purifier be.
fore the public. 1t Grad Gates scrofula and all hu.
mors cures salt rheum, bos, pmples, ETC. The
severest cases of blood poisoning have yielded to its
superior curative power.
'This Is to certify that have used Hoods sarsa.
parllla in my family for time past and ha We
found II to be good blood purifier. 1t has been OF
great benefit recommended and have no hesita.
ton In recommending 1t to all who are In want of
any medicine OF the kind."-RoBERr A. sAIrH JUS
tice OF the Peace, Honesdale, Pa.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
F. ]. CHENEY e Co., Toledo, o.
e2B- Sold by Druggists. TIC.

Rev. G. D. W. Gordon, editor of rel gious
paper at Petersburg, Va, has resigned the
pastorate of a church there because Of polit-
ical sermon. Mr.. Gordon is one of the most
effective preachers IN the South u II
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
AFTER ALL OTHERS FAIL

CONSULT DIR. IOBB, 329 North Fifteenth
Street, Philadelphia. Twenty years experience
in special Diseases cures the worst of Nervous
Complaints, Blood Poisoning, Blotches, Eruptions,
Piles, Caarrh, Ulcers, Sores, Impaired Memory,
Dependency, Diuucss OF Vision, Lung. Liver.
Stomach, Kidney iBrights Disease; confidential
~ Call or write for question list and boob
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
SsuClVnS N. W. Fitzgerald Atty. wash. d. c

ARONEY LOANED. MONEY SAVED. Wanted
~ Agents everywhere TO- represent Tho Capita
Savings and Loan Society. fsovidenf Bldg. Phila
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03
The Spring
M Medicine

81 wish to enroll my name one OF those who
have derived health from the use Of Hoods sarsa.
parilla For many years have taken 1t, especially
in the early spring. when am troubled with dizzl
ness, dullness, unpleasant taste in my mou ia the
morning. It removes this bad taste, relieves my
headache and makes me feel greatly refreshed
The two bottles I have used this spring have beer
worth dollar a dose. John BiSSs ses 4sd Street
Town of Lake, Chicago, Ill.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-04-03

james Gordon Benefits hair has turned
white since he was last in America.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1890-12-12
How the Money Comes In.

The worst money we get" said treas
ury official at Washington recently, comes
from the west and northwest, where
the people have little use for pocket
hooks, but ram their currency into
heir pockets regardless of the conse-
!uences. Our best money-that the least
,amaged - comes from New England
where the people seem to be orderly and
ireful. We get more money for redemp
ion in good times than in bad, and more
en- midwinter and midsummer than in the
spring and fall. These facts are attribu
table to the greater use the people have for
currency in the seasons of the year which
are most active commercially. Forty per
cent. of the money comes in from New
York city banks and 20 or 80 per cent. of it
comes from the banks of the eight sub
treasury cities of Boston, New York, Phila
delphia, Chicago, St Louis, Cincinnati
New ORR % ms and San Francisco. On Mon
days we yet the worst money of the week,
for it is on that day that we chiefly hear
from the remote country banks, which
have habit of holding to their currency
till il is in pretty bad shape"