Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-08-07


"An American gentleman in st.
Petersburg has made a Russian eat his
words. y New York Sun.
WISE LITTLE SISTER.
Little Sister-I know who's going to
call tonight; it's Harry.
Big Sister-How do you know?
Little Sister-You picked ont his pic
ture and put it on the mantel where he
would see it, and took down Mr.. Jones
and laid it away until Sunday night
Boston Herald.
VERY DIFFERENT NATTER.
SIS that love letter2n asked one law
yer of another, who was poring busily
over some closely written sheets.
ooh, no." replied the other confuse 2
ly. 'It's only writ of attachment" y
Somerville Journal.
HINT EvADED.
GLOW warm it isl" said she, after fin
ish the second plate of ice cream.
"Yes," he replied, ''it's half melting
i really don't think it's worth while to
pay any more money for the stuff
[Munsey's Weekly.
GIVING HIS SISTER AWAY.
81 suppose, Tommy, you love your
sister very much" said the gentleman
who was paying his addresses to Tom
my's sister.
Tomm5-I love her when there are
fellers around. She is mighty good to
me then, but she is as cross as the mis-
chief after they are gone. She is like a
fiddle She is no good without beau.
Amt that so, Fan2-[T Texas Siftings.
NOTHING UNDER THE HAT.
Jones quitting ON a new hat)-This
looks like the deuce on me, don't it9
Brownies; but don't be too hard
on the hat. Put something under it,
and give it chance.
PERFECTLY EASY.
"NTary, l love you deeply. viii you
be my wifel"
81 don't know, George. Can you sup
port me?"
II think so. You have little some
thing, haven't you2"
eyes; have 81 800 year."
"Why, then, it's perfectly easy. l am
sure we could live on 1000 year.
FREsHLEIGH's PROPOSITION.
81 like that young Mr.. Freshleigh,
Amanda. He was graduated this year,
was he not"
eyes, pa. lam glad you like him, for
/ think he is real smart"
''He is real smart. He came to me at
my office yesterday, and said that as he
September he wanted to go into bust
ness; and what do you suppose he offered
to do2"
"What, papa"
"Said if I'd make him full partner in
the business he'd marry ,"-[ Bazaar
SATISFIED.
~ don't believe in cremation"
"Why not 2"
"We have enough family jars in the
house now"
DEoEIvING EVER.
Wife-Oh, how could you deceive me
so2 When you told me you owned this
house you didn't say word about the
two mortgages.
Hubbie-And when l used to toy with
those golden tresses you never told me
they weren't indigenous Lippincott's.
HE WASN'T sUPERsTITIoUs.
Teacher Gn grammar schooD-Your
lesson to-day is on nouns. Nouns are
names of things.
Small Boy-Is ghost noun2
Teacher-Yes.
Small Boy-How can it be2 They
amt no such thing as ghost II Bazaar.
CAUSE AND EFFECT.
Little Country Girl pointing to a
tender little dude)-Mamma, what's
that2
Wise Mother That's what comes of
livln' in fats GOOD News.
HURT HIS Feelings.
"What's the matter with papa's boy2"
asked Mr.. Smithers of his little boy.
"Mithter Bwown said l looked like
you" p Harper's Young People.
NOT THE IMPORTED ARTICLE.
LADY, want girl.
Keeper of Intelligence Office-I have
fifty, just imported.
Lady-Yes, but wish domestic
Lowell Citizen.
THE REASON WHY.
Johnson-Why is the moon often
spoken of as the silvery moon9
Jackson-Because we get it in halves
and quarters, suppose.-[Epoch.
THE WAR CONTINUED.
Slimkins and his young wife had just
completed their first quarrel. 81 wish
was dead" she sobbed.
81 wish was, too," he blubbered.
"Then don't wish l was" and the
war continued.-[Snacks.
THROUGH HIS NOSE.
A barrister had hard-swearing wit
ness under examination, who exclaimed,
with well assumed Indignation: "Sir, {
lie never passed these lips"
"Just so, my friend" said the barris
ter; 81 notice that you speak through
your nose. y Illustrated Titbits.
DEFENDED ON THE RESULT.
Passer-by Ito Tommy, who has just
been fighting)-Wouldn't your father
whip you if he knew you had been fight
ing2
Tommy-Well, that depends. If the
other boy whipped me, pop would whip