The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1890-04-10
HUMOROUS.

mercy, quincy! WudG udhcS yOu 1oOf
so serious?' Pm writing some verses
n spring." BLANK verse, or rhyme?"
BLANK, so far. I've only got one line"
-Harpers Bazaar.
-Pater-''On your prospects will de-
pend my acceptance of you as son-in-
law" Would-be Son-inLaw HIM.
Well, my prospects depend entirely on
law. Life.
Well rate l-Father-"Clara, I think
the Count will propose tonight" Clara
(excited) -"What makes you think so,
papa?" Father-'I discovered him in
the hotel to-day looking me up in Brad
streets. "-Kearney Enterprise.
Young ladies-would you guess it?-are like
arrows, don't you know.
They can not pierce single heart until they
get beau;
And like the arrows which without a bow can
nothing do,
Young ladies, till they get beau, are in
Oakland (Cal) Echoes.
-Mother-'Willie, where are the
dried pears that were in the pantry?"
WHITEHALL gone, mamma" Mother
II know that, you naughty child. Did
you eat them?" Willie (boldly)-"How
could when it says on the box 'Evap-
grated Fruit Guess they just 'vap-
Grated fore 1 could get 'em. Pitts
burgh Dispatch.
How did you succeed in farming,
Lost two thousand the first year, and
then abandoned the business and re-
turned to the city" what are you do
ing now?" Editing an agricultural
journal which has for its motto: How
to make money on the farm "-Demo-
rest.
-"Have you seen NJ Millack's famous
painting, The Angleworms,' now on
exhibition" said the boy to the fish.
''Come ashore and we'll have a look at
it. "Naw," said the fish, land I think
it has been over-rated. You mistake my
identity, I'm not sucker. The fitful,
fretful simmer on the waters surface
probably distorts your view of me. Call
again in June" cpl drop you a line,"
said the boy.-Merchant Traveller.
Miss Brainy (of BOSTON, 81 want
to have you send home suit of clothes
for my little brother Willie. He is
eleven years of age" Salesman-"Yes,
madam. Should you say-er, that he
was large or small for his age?' Miss
Bra1ny-"Well, don't know that Willie
has eny superauity of adipose tissue as
compared with other boys of his age,
bit he is usually in the habit of arriving
! at his destination with both pedal ex-
tremities firmly placed on this mundane
sphere"
CONQUERED HIMSELF.
A Valuable Lesson Learned in Five Min
utes or Less.
$50 you wish to learn Christian
science" said teacher of that doc
trine" to lank fellow that had applied
for tuition.
eyes, sir. What are your terms?''
Give dollars for three lessons
Gail right, I'll take the first lesson
right now"
The teacher then began to lay down
the principles of the science" ''You
must first learn" said he, Ito conquer
self"
''All right" the pupil answered.
"You must exterminate every human
! desire; must give yourself up to the
ruling of your spirit instead of yield
i ing to single impulse of the body"
"All right" the student agreed.
SWELL" the teacher one day re-
! marked when the term had been com.
pleted, 81 think that you are now pre-
pared to graduate with honors."
"All right; much obliged"
"But have you not forgotten some
thing?" the teacher asked when the
student had started out.
mo, reckon not"
Eyes, you have forgotten to pay me
the five dollars"
''Oh, you see, had strong desire to
pay you-a very strong desire of the
flesh. as it were, but have succeeded in
conquering all that sort of thing. So
long."-Arkansaw Traveller.
The Ruling Passion.
Doctor-How's your wife this morn.
ing, Mr.. Bagley?
Bagley-Pm afraid she's pretty near