Huntsville gazette., 1890-10-04
HUMOROUS.

Boston Housekeeper-'Is not this
lump of ice rather diminutive?" Polite
Iceman-"You should remember, ma
dam, that cold contracts. s."--Demorest's
Monthly.
-"How did you get along at school
to-day, Tom?" asked father at the sup
per table. Papa, our physiology says
that conversation at meals should be OF
pleasant character"
-':Oh, Johnl" exclaimed the wife, 81
know how To make $50 so easily"
"How?" why, down at Nine. Robes
there's lovely dress marked down
from $50 to $780, Beacon.
Judge Prisoner, have you any
visible means of support?" Prisoner
'Yis, sor, your honor" (To his wife)
Bridget, stand up, so that the Coort
kin see yez. "-Munsey's Weekly.
-"Gracious! that was an awful clap
Of th under; it frighte me terribly"
Poo! thunder can't hurt YOU" Cant
eh? Didn't you ever hear OF person
being hunderstruclz?' Bazar.
-Wife-"An' did ye have an answer
ready for the bliggard?" Husband
eyes, Della, | had q foine answer all
ready for him, but | couldn't find it
when | wanted to use it."-Yankee
Blade.
-Tom-"So you did not propose to
that dear girl last night as you intend
ed to. All, my friend, am afraid you
were not fired by the divine spark OF
love" Dick-''No; was fired by her
father. IN. Y. Weekly.
On the Ocean. Shoddy-"Do
the commercial winds come past us.
captain?" Captain" Commercial? !
don't understand; doyou mean the trade
winds?" Mrs Shoddy-"Yes, but trade
sounds so vulgar. "-Munsey's Weekly.
Natural history in rhyme.
A hornets sting is Il red mot thing,
And gets there without fail;
Itpoints a moral in language oral,
And, besides, adorns a tail
Ashland Press.
-Hobbs-"Y es, l suppose I do look
rathur used up; but the fact is, I've
been working pretty hard lately; con-
suming the midnight OIL you know"
Fogg-'I see; been on spree. You
mean the fusil-oil. "-Baston Transcript.
Bobby ION board the ocean grey
hound )-"Oh, mamma, who is that
great. proud man in uniform?" Mamma
-"Why, that's the captain Of the ship"
Bobby with awe)-"My! He looks
just like the ianitor Of our fiat at
home"
The Pleasure of Being an Editor
"Sir, if in tho next copy of tho novel
you are publishing in your esteemed
paper tho hard hearted aunt does not
die or the noble Kuno Of Felsegg does
not win the great prize in the lottery, I
shall stop my subscription. An old sub
scriber. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
Eastern Mani understand that
ruffianism is disappearing in Texas be-
fore the advancing railroads" West
ern Mani reckon that's so. / Jest
tell you these ere railroad men kin
knock the roughness out of a tough,
bout es quick as any thing know Of,
'cept circus mon. Good News.
"A la Mode Muskegon.- Waitress
Wevehamneggsanbee beefulamnporkanpt-
atersanteaancoffanbi 2"
Waitress - "Well-
wotlverave?" "Gimmesome-
hamneggsanbeefulam mnporkanptatersan
teaancoffanbiskits. Waitress informs
proprietor that drummer insulted her
Figaro -
Nurse Ito Bobby, who has come cry
ing upstairs from the dining )-
"Why, what's the matter, Bobby? Have
you finished your dinner?" Bobby (sob-
bing)-''N-no. Pa sent me away from
the table just because l said that Mr.
Moses, the man who came to dinner
with him, must have sat on the front
seat when noses were passed round."-