The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1890-09-05


While passing the Royal saloon
few evenings since, we noticed the pro-
prietor had placed couple OF new
doors In position. Our duty as news
paper correspondent required that we
should note all improvements, but hav-
ing read so much In the papers about
the character of saloons and their de-
moraiizing effect. we hesitated about
entering the place; hut duty out
weighed all other considerations We
resolved to do that duty or fall by the
wayside. But we were not going on
such dangerous mission unprepared.
If any desperate of the Wild Bill
stripe should attempt to force us To.
drink ut the muzzle ofa pistol, we didn't
propose that he should get the drop on
US. Accordingly we proceeded TO load
our pistol, which. by the way, is an
old-timer of large caIibre. First we
put I'm handful of blasting powder,
on top of which we rammcd a half
sheet of the Fire aud Hammer This
would enable US to get religion enough
into desperate to Timber him up and
make him soft and pliable and more
susceptible to impressions. At this
point we discovered that we were out
of bullets, and for want of something
better, we put in four shirt buttons,
two copper rivets and several small
screws. We were now prepared to
make cowboy think that he had
Cal
So we proceeded on our way to the
saloon. Upon reaching the door we
paused moment, and the terrible
words over Dante's Inferno came fash
ing through our minds (''he who en-
ters here leaves hope behindnD; but
duty urged us on So leaving Hope
behind and the stump Of one of Mox-
ley's Scent. cigars, we examined our
pistol to make sure that the buttons and
screws had not fallen out, we pushed
the door open and boldly entered.
The conversation ceased for mo-
ment, but was Immediately resumed
by Wrestletown Pete, who was telling
Skinney how he traded black dog
and an old saddle to the man on the
hop ranch for sack of plums and an
order on the drug store for a bottle of
liver regulator. Smoke House Mike
was trying 10 convince the June Bug
that the west side of the new bridge
run exactly through the center of 10.
Sawyer's kitchen. Near the door were
two Calapooia miners who had busted
ssKing Solomon scandallzed "Queen
Sheba," had no "Confidencen in the
marrow Gauge or the "Flying
Dutchman" One of them remarked
that If "Paddy Ryan's'' yellow
Jacket" would fit the '.'Fimes,n that
"Jumbo's'i LAST Chance" would
make devilish s.Poor Man" of "Red
Cioud.n The other replied that the
"Golden Eran would come on "Big
Monday and then we could raise the
Royal Standard" and the "Union
Jackp in Brownsville ON The anni-
vcrsary of the battle of Lexington. =
We wish to say that we do not under
stand mines, so the readers must figure
out the above to suit themselves.
Tile dude was sitting behind the
stove arrayed in all the splendor of a
secondhand clothing store, his coun-
tenance denoting that keen intelli-
geneeof the average monkey wrench,
while the seornful curve of his lip
plainly showed his contempt for a
couple of young bloods who were saw
ing or a game of billiards in an oppo-
site corner. Bob Ingersoll was discuss
ing the probabilities of future lite
with noted backslider. and old Ca
laInity was trying to get in word
edgeways.
Mr.. Hansard was seated ia an easy
chair reading a book on the title page
of which was printed in large letters,
stTalmage on Temperance while two
deceitful married men were planning
how to fool their wives when they got
home One of them proposed to go to
bed Immediately and play sick. The
other declared that there would be
row when he got home. He said he
could feel it in his bones
AT this point we looked around far
the desperate, but failed to find him,
and Tor two mortal hourS uiu we SIT
OH hard bench with our index finger
IN that measly pistol, holding these
internal screws and waiting for an op-
portunity to turn cowboy into an
animated screw factory. There didn't
seem pugnacity enough in the whole
gang to lick lame Chinaman, and
here we had been laying Daniel IN
the lions den for two hours. Daniel
was on hand, but nary lion showed
his nose.
In conclusion we would say that we
would like to get someone to fire that
pistol Off We are afraid that when
that 9Fire and Hammer that we used
for wad is coming out it will get cranky
and raise the devil. MEMO.
BROWNSVILLE, Aug. -.