The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-01-08
WIT AND HUMOR.
A skillful cook is the most popular
all interior decorators.-Lite.


When money gets tight it ought to
make mans pocketbook full.-Kear-
neg Enterprise.
The trump of fame often comes to a
man when it is too late in the game to
do him any good.-Puck.
Speaking of hunting, sewing-so-
cieties are great promoters of dears
talking. Pittsburg Chronicle.
Does farming payp o, yes; if you
go at it right it helps to pay the inter-
est on the mortgage. Puck.
''You say that drinking is one OF
your husbands faiingspn '.F ailings?
o, Eo. 1t is one of his successes. %
Life.
It's not the coat that makes the man
its the name of the tailor on the lit
tie tag at the back of the neck.-Ioledo
Blade.
She-What do you suppose supports
the vast arch of the heavensP" He
The moon-beams, guess. ."-Los0eu
Citizen.
The man who said that he would
rather make the songs than the laws OF
a country had his eye on the lay of the
land.-Puck.
Mrs. Tathill-"I saw your wife out
riding with another man this after
noon." Mr.. Tubbs (excitedly)-"You
did! Did they have my horseP"-LJe.
Jackson s'Mrs. Henpeck tells me
she gained six pounds while she was in
the mountains" Henpeck = ''That's
nothing; | gained twelve while she was
away."1LJe.
Teacher-"Anonymous means with
out name; write a sentence showing
you understand how to use the word
Small Girl (writes)-"Our new baby
is anonymous. Life.
Mrs. Watts-''What a sweet child
your Willie is. He's a perfect little
angel, 1 think" Mrs. Potts-s.No,
not quite. He takes after his father in
some ways. ."-1eare Haute Erpress.
Caller-.'Why don't you try Chris
tian science for Fido? You know how
much it did for our baby" Hostess
Yes; but l can't afford to fool with
the life of that dog. Why, he cost
$45."-Judge.
Servant-s'Will madam speak little
lowerp" Mistress-.What is the mat
terp Have any of the children been
taken sickPn Seryant-'No, ma'am:
but this is the hour for Fidos after.
noon nap.n-Judge.
Private Bullion of the '.Elite Guards"
-.sAh, uniform is the thing to catch
the hearts of the dear creatures!n His
Valet-"Right you are, sor. l was on
the pillace foorce meself, wanst. y
IerTe Haute Erpress.
Eight colleges have been built in
Kansas during the last year. This sort
of thing will 60 on until the Sunfower
State will have to import all of its farm
hands and kitchen girls from Missouri.
Kansas City Star.
Mr.. Crankwrestle a tell you /
can't stand this smell of cooking cab
bage in the house." Mrs. CranRwres-
tle-s'It isn't half SO bad as I have to
put up with when you smoke it in the
house. ."-ToaOn Topics.
Johnny What did the minister
mean when he said something about a
place where thieves do not break
through and steal?" Mr.. Dumpsey-
He referred to your mothers dress
pocket. ."-Las0re'ace american.
Biones-'How do you heat your
house, Jsmith?n Jsmith-'sWith' hot
water" 'Bjones = why, 1 didn't
know there were any pipes in the
house." Jsmith-s Well, you knew I
was married, didn't youP" Time.
Many a woman dusts billiard chalk
off her husbands coat with big drops
of tears in her beautiful eyes, as she re-
fleets how hard and how late he has to
work at his desk close to that nasty
whitewashed wall Richmond Recorder.
Mrs. Popinjay-'I see by the paper
that newly married pair in Michigan
are taking their bridal trip in row.
boat" Mr.. Popinjay Huh! I'll bel
before the trip is ended it will be all
oar between them. ."-BurLington Free
Press.
Lady of the House-"No, make it 9
principle never to give away money al
the door" Tramp = Very well
madam, if you have any feeling about
it, am perfectly willing that YOU
should hand it to me out of the win
dow. ."-Yale Record.
Chippie-''Y 'Yaas, Gladstone is gweat
man but I'd wather be Dwight, don.
cherknowr' Chapp1e-'John Bwight
fellah who introduced Dwight disease
The Pwince has taken it up, doncher
owi"-Bostoaa Times.
John, bring me glass of no
punch" Servant (bringing it) = &c
think this is not quite hot enough, sir.
"How do you know thatP You mus
have tasted it.'' Indeed, no sir;
would not do such a thing; 1 tried
with my fingers. .''-Fhegeaade Btaette''
The Rev. o, P. brother Snor
er, don't you think your infuenc'
would be greater if you were to remain
awake during the sermon. Deacon
Snorer-"No, can't says do, Parson
The Good Book says, He giveth Hi
beloved Sleep you know" = Toted
Blade.
''How to invest money safely is tn
question most people find of the great
est interest, says an editor, who evi
IDENTIFY did not mean to pun; but he
wrong. The question that most peo
pie find of the greatest interest is hov
to get money to invest.-SoanerUitl
Journal.
Mr.. Junior Feeling the necessity O
saying something pleasant on the wa
TO the ballroom )-"Er, may / admir-
that gown, Miss Plainfayce?" Mis-
Plainfayce-''Certa you may ad
mire my clothes as much as you like.
Mr.. Junior-"O, of course it could g
no further. Thine.
A gentleman in the city whose wifi
had intimated that he had acted il
certain matter from motives whic
were not wholly sanctified said to her
s'You should not suspect me in thi
way" She replied: 81 do not sus
pect you at all; just see through you.
louisville Recorder.
Inspector -"Are you familiar wit
the requirements of an elector, sirP
Dennis-.Phwats that?" Inspector
'.Are you entitled to vote, sir?" Del
nis-'Faith, an OF am that; it's ii
days olive been in the country, and it
foor tonnes olive registered to-day, a
ready. y.'-Harper's Weekly.
Rogers-"I tell you, sir, when tn
Chickasaw Bank pressed poor old Jone
ci. hic Hoat