The Roanoke times. [volume] (Roanoke, Va.) 1890-1895, 1890-10-07

m arric d to
Mrs. HoOfnackle now twenty-Seven-
years If it wasn't for that l would not
be able to stand 100 degrees in the shade
MS well as do.
Tho coolest place ! have been able to
find in st. Louis is Zweibeer's saloon,
which is quito convenient to my place Of
residence. a few choice spirits hold q
regular session there every day, and oc-
casionaliy we have an extra session.
Among them is Mr.. Smiley, the under
taker, who has a studio on the next
block; Mr.. Yawpcr, an auctioncer, and
several others. All Of them suffer moro
or less from the heat and at times tho
conversation drifts into that channel.
Such original remarks rs ''Is this hot
enough for you?" "What do YOU think?
1t is 1o4 in the shade right now" 81
perspire very much in this weather.
how is it with you?" Then they all say
in chorus, "Fcarfuly! I'm just Gov
cred with prickly heat. look like a
boiled lobster Perhaps another mcm-
Der of tho little coteric comes in and
says: Gentlemen, it is l0i in the
shade. Is this hot enough for you?"
etc.
However, one day we had little
change in the programme. Iwebocr
has had an enormous icc-box or rcfrigcr-
ator built in his back yard. It's almost
as big as 4 freight-car On one side he
keeps his kegs of beer and in the other
all his eatables. And may DO he amt
proud Of that refrigerator. lie does not
talk of much else. ] believe he would
rather lose his wife than that
refrigerator. It is almost impossible
for anybody to come near the saloon
without his compelling them to inspect
that refrigerator and listen to what he
has to say about its many advantages.
We'll, there happened to 10 couple
of clcgantly-dresscd Germans from
Texas i'll Zweibccrs saloon. They were
drinking bottled beer, and somebody
suggested some lunch. Ono of the Tex
ans remarked that he didn't care for
lunch this hot weather. rs meats were
SO liable TO spoil; besides there wcrc so
many flies. This put Il keen edge on
Zweibecr, regarding il a9 reflection on
his ice-boX, so he stretched forth his
hand, like a prophet of old and spoke:
81 viii concedc, schcntlcmcns, dot on
de average ,nebbc you vas right, but in
my case you vas mishtallcn. | have at
great cXsphensc had constructed a palace
icc-box vich vas simply incomprehcnsi-
bic. Every ding vat is put in it remains
choost SO sweet and fresh ash it never
vas peforc. | dclls you schcntlcmcns
ven you Ghost sthicks your nose refrigcr-
ator in you gets You will get al appetite
choost dc Same ash ven you dakcs a
tonic. Kom mitmc, schcntlcmon." and he
was not satisfied until lac dragged thom
out into the yard and pulled open tho
door Of the palace icc-box Then Zwei-
beer started back, for sitting on a chair
in the cool interior of the icc-box was
Undertaken Smiley, taking quiet
snooze. Zweibcer reached in Selling
the startled undertaken by the neck,
jerked him into the yard, and shook him
as u terrier does Il rat, saying:
"Vot you means nit dot shabby trick.
I'll preall every ponc in your body Wv
don't you go into your own ice boxes
init your corpses ven you wants to
Schnooze?"
To exaspcratcG saioc-. keeper and
his former friend Smiley, the under
takcc, were separated by tho gentlemen
from Texas who, for some reason or
other, did not care for any lunch. Tho
insulted undertaken subsequently took
me aside and said
Mr.. Hoofnacklc, isn't it an outrage
the way that animal treated mo this
morning? There is no trace Of gentle
manly instinct, no refinement about the
brute. If didn't know that in short
time no is going TO die from Bright's
disease anyhow, and that he is liable to
drop dead any minute from this heat
and apople%y, Id never put my foot
inside OF his saloon again, but | don't
propose to cut off my nose to spite my
face. Sooner or later, I'll have him in
my ice box, the lew pitiful scoundrcl.
That will DC my satisfaction for his
brutality to me this morning." Your
friend, JACKSON p. IIOoFNACKLE.
Not His Boots.
I Add you hear that tho thief and