Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-12-27
HIS KIND OF ARGUMENT.
The Thin Man Objected to Taking the Abuse
for the Company.

The Thin Man Objected to Taking the Abuse
for the Company.
Brooklyn Eagle
Twas a melancholy looking man who
marshaIed himself and an ominous frown
into the car at Grand avenue on Friday
morning. His right hand was bare and
cIenched and his left was enveloped in a
thick, woolen mitten. He suspended him.
self from strap because no seat was ready
to receive him and his too apparent anxiety,
and as he gently lurched from side to side
he viewed with evident envy the more or
less placid faces bent over the morning
prints. The main object OF his observation
was thin man with mutton-chop whiskers,
who edged this way and that to give leeway
for the unexpected movements OF the new
passenger. The latter opened his right
hand, gazed ruefully into it, pushed the
thin mans paper aside and said:
''1s that counterfeit?
The thin man wasn't pleased. Everybody
in the immediate neighborhood saw that,
but he pushed down his spectacles and re-
piled in self-deensive tone:
"How do L know?"
''Look at itp' commanded the melan-
choly man. SIS there grease on it? Has
the sun melted the edge of? Is the date up
side down, OF" he added, assuming an air
of wakeful and sonorous suspicion, "does it
look as if 1 made it outen an old lead
pipe?'
''It doesn't interest me, sir, said the thin
man, endeavoring to give the impression
that an illustrated furniture advertisement
in his paper had secured his whole atten-
ton. 81 don't care one way or t'other."
'Don't?" cried the other, whose melan-
choly had given way to anger. "Do you
mean 10 say, sir, that a cross-eyed ticket
seller has right to tell me this coin isn't
worth anything when the train is about at
the station? Do you mean to insinuate that
I am running counterfeit factory, where 1
turn out 5-cent pieces with bullet mold
and plaster o. paris cast? Do you mean
to work your cadaverous features into the
expression you haven't courage enough to
give voice to, that that crooked-nosed ticket
seller suspected that 4 was regularly rob-
bing the Government"
The thin man didn't reply; in fact, he
seemed to be the least Interested. A benev-
olent-looking, round-iaced passenger leaned
over the speakers shoulder. and, after look
at a disreputable imitation of 5-eent piece,
sighed. This seemed to lend additional
eloquence to the melancholy person and he
snatched the paper from the thin mans hand,
seized him by the collar and shouted:
ny don't you taIE! why don { you
have courage enough to say that I'm an es-
capped bank thief. a forger, a rag picker, a
dealer in secondhand handorgans? What
do ye twitch yer whiskers for? Why don't
you talk up like man and back up tine
black-muzzled ticket seller? You know
you think that's counterfeit, why don't
you say"
The thin man broke off the speech by dis
turbing the others breakfast. He laid the
melancholy mans form on the mating, and
while his arms flew around like a windmill
on stormy day, he gasped:
"I'm not Constant Reader [whack /; I'm
not 'Veritas, nor [whackl any O. those fel-
lows [whack] ]; but if you want downright
[whack] argument [whack on counterfeits,
here's [whack] one o. my kind for you."
The brakeman escorted the melancholy
man out at the next station and gently told
him where the nearest druggist did business.