Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-10-10
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

| HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Parts unknown-On bald head
7eras Siftings
If the boys do not kiss the misses, then
the girls will miss the kisspr -Biagsam-
| ton Leader.
Americans want d N hot
day they like to ha IN over
them Columbus D.
A Texas debating soc> had
for subject, "Is it prope', and the
in dorg?"-1ecas SDtings.
Tramp-"Say, mum, your dog bit
me-" Lady-"Well, never mind, III
wash his mouth Good Ne,cs.
Greene-"He can lick you, cant he2"
Bryton.-''IIel Why, he couldn't wake
me up in fifteen minutes with club!'--
Chatter.
Mrs. Youngwife-"Did you ever try
any of my biscuits, Judge." Judge
"No, never did but dare say they de-
serve it."
Two periods. s.-Before marriage:
"Why so pensive, dcarest9' After mar
riage-"Why so expensive, Mrs. Jonesl"
Racket.
Debtor-s'I want to pay that little
bill of yours" Creditor-''All right,
my dear boy" Debtor-''But l can't"
Deacon.
"Give every man his dew," remarked
the nocturnal atmosphere as it soaked the
tattered garments of the tramp. WASH
ington Hatchet.
"They say fogs are detrimental to to-
matoes." "They are. had about eight
bushels of them stolen one foggy night
by tramps. "-Bazar.
Mr.. Borrowit-"I wish you would
help me out little to-day" Mr.. Busy
-"With pleasure. III hold open the
door. ."-Ne'o Yora Weekly.
Citizen (agit ,tcdly)-"What, writ
for mea Why, God bless u.s." Consta.
BILE (stolidlyl-"Nop. Wrong again.
Mandamus. "--Americon Grocer.
~ don't mind the pitfalls of life, he
said, as he rubbed his head ruefully and
picked himself up, "but these banana
skin falls II kill me yet."-BazGr.
Whether Miss Willing, of Philadel
phia, is to marry Millionaire John Jacob
Astor or not, there is many another Miss
willing. Cowier-,Jom1nal.
He only shaved clean once week,
| And when he died his widow bought
| A cactus plant and kissed it oft;
Thus was he to her mem'ry brought.
philadelphia Times.
Blobson-''Poor Mrs. Tufstake! Do
| you know how she happened to lose all
her money!" Dumpsey-"Yes; she took
three lawyers in to board. ."-Bulington
| Free Press.
He (at the baseball game)-"Do you
know what 'muff is, sweet2" She
(blushing)-"Why, of course l do. 1t
is something your hands can meet in. y
| Burlington Free Press.
Visitor Ito prisoner)-"What brought
you here9" Misplaced con-
tidence." Visitor-'sHow was that2n
Prisoner-"I thought could run faster
than could. ."-Racket.
"Your circus doesn't seem to be par
ticularly attractive this year," remarked
a visitor. mo, replied the manager,
"But you ought to see my advance ad-
vertising car" ."-Nep York Sun.
Johnny-"Plcase, pa, let me have
quarter to give to a poor lame man." Pa
-"Who is the poor man lame man,
Johnny" Johnny-"Er- we'll, pa, he's
the ticket-seller down at the circus. -
Vest Shore
Stout Old Lady Ito druggists boy
"Boy, dye keep preparation for reduc-
inc weight!" Boy-"Yes'm." Stout Old
Lady-''Well, don't know exactly how
much ought to get" Boy (diaguo-
singly)-"Better take all we've got,
ma a'am.
Beggar-s'Ach, my dear madam, can
you not give me pair of old bootsf"
Lady-"Why, those you have on are
quite new yeti" Beggar Gn whining
voice. --"That's just it, the horrld things
ruin my business. ."-Das Hlmoristiscbe
Deutschland.
lecturer once prefaced his discourse
on the rhinoceros with ~ must beg
you to give me your undivided attention.
sIndeed, it is absolutely impossible that
you can form true idea of the hideons
animal ofwhich we are about to speak
unless yon keep your eyes fixed on me-"
--Ne,o York Ne,cs
Teacher-"Bobby Swapples, what is
quadrupedf" Bobby-"A quadruped is
an animal with four legs" Teacher
Fright; now give me an example of a
quadruped. Bobby-tA horse" Teach
er-"Right; can you give me another
examplea" Bobby-(enlightened after
much thought" Another horse. -