The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-09-17
A CENSUS ENuMERAToR.
How He Perpetrated a Great Joke Upon
His Conjugal Partner.

His Conjugal Partner.
A most peculiar incident is reported
from jefferson county, this state, in
the case of the census enumerator for
the village of Emporium. says the N.
7. Tribune.
The Emporium gatherer of statistics
is named Washington Prudens. Mr..
Prudens has long been a resident of
Emporium. He held the responsible
office of postmaster from 1865 to 1872,
having. previous to the former date,
been road overseer for five years. In
1872. through political treachery, he
lost the office, but appealing to his
friends for vindication he was elected
justice of the peace by an overwhelm-
ing majority. He resigned from the
bench four years ago, and has since
devoted himself to the manufacture of
a superior article of cider vinegar with
marked success, Prudens' Empress
Eugene prime cider vinegar being
known from Rome to Ogdensburg.
But, like many other men who are
successful in public life. Mr.. Prudens
has domestic affiiction. Ungallant
as it may seem to be, truth compels us
to confess that we refer to Mrs.
Prudens. When first married this
lady conceived the idea that she was
the head of the Prudens family, which
same, as we may put it, she has ever
since been free to maintain.
Mr.. Prudens has sometimes question
ed Mrs. Prudens' authority, but never
without regretting it. The lady is
possessed of loud voice, and her
language on occasion is copious. In
short, not to put any paint on it at all,
Mr.. Prudens is sadly henpecked. But
ne is of an easy-going and humorous
nature, aud has always managed to get
along without any serious difficulty,
often obtaining much satisfaction from
keeping still and thinking cutting
things which he might say if he cared
to, or more properly speaking, if he
dared to. Mr.. Prudens met with great
success throughout the village as CEN
sus enumerator, and, strange as it
may seem, has had his only trouble at
home.
One day while Mr.. Prudens was
making his rounds the thought oc-
cured to him, that he had not yet filled
up blanks for his own family. As he
allowed his mind to dwell on the sub
a smile gradually overspread his
features. Soon the smile grew into a
chuckle, and he slapped his leg and sat
down on a salt barrel in front of Cy
Perkins grocery and laughed for five
minutes. He had decided to fill out a
Dlank for his wife after his own notions.
1t was very funny, and he laughed
again, and instantly retired to the
privacy of the Ontario house, kept by
Sam Hollister, and put the plan into
operation. He laughed much while
doing it, and when he finished the
blank he showed it to Sam, and he
laughed. too. Joe Gregory, the stage
driver, dropped in and looked it over,
as also did Hank Pettigrew, the ex-
press agent, John Palmer, the assessor,
and Aid. Starret, who was in town.
from the Shingle Creek neighborhood,
and they all said that it was one of the
best jokes they ever saw. Mr.. Prudens
had another laugh, and, after taking
the record around and showing it to
his friend, Harvey Annis at Annis'
tannery, he went home. put away his
book, and decided not to work any
more that day. But, unfortunately for
Mr.. Prudens, Hank Pittigrew told his
wife, and she told Mrs. Prudens, who
promptly made an investigation while
the unsuspccting Prudens was out in
the back yard repairing tishing-pole.
Mrs. Prhdens read with surprise, and,
horror, and increasing anger that her
relation ship to the head of the family
was that of wife; that she was So years
of age, though, in point of fact, she is
ten years younger; that she was not in
the late war, but that in the opinion of
the enumerator, she would have made
valued member of the heavy artillery;
that her profession was that of CON-
mon scold-that she had never been
unemployed at it; that she spoke En-
glish easily. and altogether too much;
that she was slightly defective in mind.
but not in speech, and that she could
read and write to certain extent, and
would be homeless if her husband out
of compassion, had not provided her
with a home. Mrs. Prudens read it
through. Then she tore it up and
threw it in the fire. Then she went
out into the yard and spoke to Prudens'.
He spent the night at the Ontario
house with his friend Sam Hollister.
He has been at the Ontario ever since.
We can not describe his case more
wildly.
We hope that this note of warning
does not come too late for other
enumerators, who may think to be
facetious at the expense of their wives.
Don't do it. Or, at least, don't do it
till the last thing and you are at the
postofice ready to send your returns.