davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
And She Smiled,

Awoman who looked to weigh 400
pounds, but probably fell a little
short of that figure, was descending
from q Bleecher-street car the other
day, when man who looked to
weigh about seventy pounds, but
might pull down 100, sought to as
cend. They met. They bumped. They
gazed teach other in q cold way.
Neither ouldrctreatfor the moment.
Then the mans natural gallantry
was called in question and he said:
"Ah! am in your way"
"Iaminyours, rather" she replied.
ooh, not at all. Ill wasn't 80 fat
/ could move quicker. l often envy
you people who move about so live
~"
And she looked into his face, saw
that he was serious, and her efforts
to strike girls gait as she moved
to the curb provoked platform
passenger into saying:
THAT didn't cost him a cent and
it did her thousand dollars worth
ofgood."-New York Sun.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
Left His Sermon at Homo,

When q clergyman finds himself in
q dilemma, says the London Tele-
graph, he does we'll to take the con-
gregation into his confidence. The
pastor of o subul ban parish ascended
the pulpit the other evening to preach
his wesk-night sermon, but when he
opened his manuscript covers he
found, to his horror, that the dis
course he had brought with him was
not the one he intended to deliver,
but was what he had preached to
the same congregation on the pre-.
vious Sunday. He did not feel equal
to an ex-tempore Grafton, and, firm
" convinced that honesty is the best
policy, he faced the stern facts of the
situation boldly. Without circum.
locution he told hisexpectant hearers
exactly what was his difficulty,
and then left them to recover
from the effects of their surprise.
A moment later q surpliced fig
ure might have been seen hurrying
to tho vicarage close by, and before
many minutes had elapsed the par-
son, breathless but triumphant,
again assembled the pulpit to enforce
the moral and spiritual lessons en-
bodied in the homily he had accident
ally left at home.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
the schooIMaster Was Dead.


A stranger about twenty-five years
old entered a Woodward avenue drug
store the other day and asked to see
a city directory. He could not find
the name he was after, and finally in
quired if the druggist had ever heard
it.
"Why, bless you, the man has been
dead for two years." was the reply.
els that possible? He was an old
schoolmaster, wasn't he?"
eyes"
Carried his head on one side, didn't
he?"
"He did,"
"Always looking around as if to
catch some boy whispering or cutting
up?"
Yes; often remarked the habit"
"Well, if he is dead that ends it,
suppose" sighed the stranger, us no
closed the book.
"You had business with him?"
II had. l came here from Attica,
N. Y, purpose to lick him. Twenty
years ago he taught school there and
l was one of his pupils. One day
passed a note to the girl l loved and
the old man caught me att. He got
the note and read it aloud to the
school and then ferruled the girl and
busted my jacket. promised her to
live to lick him. was ready to do it
ten years ago, but he came West. 1t
was only the other day that heard
where he was. I come on to find him
dead"
"And would you have licked him?'
"Most assuredly, and then made
him beg my pardon besides. I've
thought over it, and dreamed of it,
and licked him in my minds eye a
thousand times, and now l am too
late! It's hard luck-very hard luck,
might as well start back tonight :"
-[Detroit Free Press.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
AGE of the Species.

Although there is some relation be-
tween size and longevity, the dura-
ton Of the period of growth and
length of life being, speakinggeneral-
ly, longest in the largest animals,
there is no fixed relation between the
two. The largest organisms live the
longest, some trees reaching an age
of 6. 900 years, and some animals, US
whales, several centuries. And after
the maturity is reached, larger an
imals require longer time to secure
the preservation of the species. The
explanation of this, as pointed out
by both I.euckhart and Herbert
Spencer, is that "the absorbing sur
face of an animal only increases as
the square of it's length, while it's size
increases us the cube, and ittherefore
follows that the longer an animal be-
comes the greater will be the difficulty
experienced in nssimilating any
nourishment over and above that
which it requires for its own needs,
and therefore the more slowly will it
produce itself.-Lonrman's
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
Jim Ponce's Gun.

No sketch of St. Augustine would
be complete without some account of
James Ponce, Familiarity called Jim,
the famous guide and hunter, to
whom every trail and lurking place
of deer, bear and other game, for
many miles, are as familiar as his
own domicile.
Indeed, this intimate knowledge of
the country extends overa great part
of easterQ Florida. Mr.. Ponce is
about SO Sears of age. He still uses
q muzzle loaQer, with the old powder
horn and shdr pouch slung over his
shoulder, and there is yetto be found
the sportingf tourist, with his elegant
breech load&, who will bring home
as much gSme us the hunter with the
rusty mug Ele loader, which healways
carries 1ehdy for use on his Mexi-
Gun saddle in front.
His record now shows over 1000
deer, ana of bears nearly 400. Mr..
Ponce can initiate the call OF any
bird or animal so perfectly that he
always gets an answer from the for
est dweller.-Forest and Stream.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
He Won tire Prize.

They were competing for the liars
prize medal.
One-"Well, Iguess have seen some
surgical operations in my time. Ionce
saw man'slegp put on the wrong way
round after a railway accident, and
ever after he couldn't walk except
one pace each way, and then he had
to take to hopping in the direction
he wanted to CO."
Said the other: MY friend L can beat
that. Twas once on the line to Coli
fornia, and there was a collision.
escaped unhurt. But the man op-
posite me was deprived of the whole
of his interior. Fortunately we had a
doctor handy, and he went in a
neighboring field and found u sheep,
cut its throat. extracted it's inside and
put the inside into that man and sewed
it up. And the man is alive and we'll
now. But, unfortunately, the sheep
was eve, and hewas always uncom-
Then lambing time came
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
7ailors and Mems Legs.

So lar rs the legs are concerned,
the tailors declare that very few men
have perfectly formedlegs. Not only
is one leg apt to be longer than the
other, but they are very apt, indeed,
to he bowed. Ii the ease is not n
bad one the tailor can cut the trou-
sers so that the outer seam of the
garment below the knees will hang
perfectly straight and the fullness of
the trousers will come on the inside
OF the leg. Men have been known to
have one log bowed and the other
straight. Knock knpcd men are tho
most difficult to fit.-Philadelphia
Times.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

AT Forty-five Cents a Week,
In Siam you can get good board
for forty-fivc cents IL week, and this
includes washing, the use OF two SER
wants torun crrands, tickets to shows,
>three shavcs, and all the cigars you
can smoke This sounds delightful
until YOU learn that it is almost i'm
possible to earn forty cents n week
in Siam.-New York Tribune.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

and the young lady is indulgent she
may give him n place on the sofa and
accept contributions of sap of the
maple, with which he comes laden to
her fresh from the forest, tor another
three months; but unless somewhere
in that time he asks her to be his own
no must aeek other firesides. She
doesn't weep at the parting or make
any time over it. There are as good
fish in the sea as ever were caught,
she argues, and in that reflection she
finds consolation for the misspent
time. Canadian girls are not only
pretty, but they are oil trained to
mako good housekeepers.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
A Canary Taught to Speak


The landlord OF q public house in
Birmingham is the owner of q re-
markable canary. 1t can speak sew
eral words with fiuency and clear
ness. This is IL very rare faculty for
u canary to possess, although there
has been ut least one other in
stance. The present prodigy is n fine
young cock bird, and attained his
accomplishment under the tuition of
an Indian paroquet, with whom lie
was placed in close and secluded
championship. lie would listen with
head inclined to one side, and with
the ndestattention. Prompt.
ed by q spirit of emulation, he es-
sayed to utter IL few magic words
himself.-Pall Mall Gazette.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
Sensible Advice.

An Albany physician says that the
most curious prescription he ever
gave to patient was one to IL lady.
1t was "Stop walking up and down
stairs" The only way this prescrip-
ton could be taken WINS by changing
her house, as she lived in one of the
three-story and basement houses Pc
culiar to Albany architecture. Her
husband secured q roomy cottage OF
two stories, and within a year thei
valid's health was almost completely
restored.-Albany Journal.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

With pleasure We rall ourreaders attention
to the advertisement Of Rogers & Ordwny,
appears in this issue This firm is one of
st. Paul's most reliable wholesale and retail
dealers in well machinery, tubular artesinn
and prospecting machinery, pumps, pipe and
well supplies, etc. They have been in husi.
ness for years here and need no recommended.
ton from US.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
About Trying on Shoes.

/ find there are not nearly as many
ladies try on shoes in my store as
formerly. They prefer to have them
sent home, where they can dump
themselves down on the floor and try
them on according to their accus-
toned manner of~putting on their
shoes. OF course. in my store. they
have to situpon a chair or sofa, to
try OH their shoes. am thinking
seriously of having boudoir fitted
up, with Turkish rugs or Moquette
carpet, where Indies may retire to
try on their shoes as they please. l
think it would he IL great llit.-lnter-
view in New Yorl; News.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
- be0S0
The Rl,,ao

This is u Synonym for that gloomy, har.
raised condition Of the mind which has its
origin in dyspepsia. All the ugly spirits
that, under the namo of tho blues" ''blue
DEVILS" "megrims" nnd "mulligrubs" tor.
ments the dyspeptic almost ceaseessly, ban
ish when attacked with Hostctter's Stomach
Bittcrs. that, moreover. annihilntes bilious.
ness. constipation. chil!s und fever, kidney
complaints and nervousness
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
Never Saw Die,

Scourgel with ulcers, boils. and letter,
Weak of limb and sore ofcyc,
Hopeless now of growing better.
Surely one must die.
Not Mt all poor, discouraged sufferer from
disordered blood and scrofulous trouble
Take Dr. Pcrcc's Golden Me,lcnl Discovery,
the great blood purifier md life-suver Of
modern days. All those unwholeaome sores
and blood disorders may be cured. and the
victim will look and icr like new man. 1t
is warranted to benefit or cure or money
paid for it promptly returned.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

$50 far. so good" said the hoy after eat.
ing the stolen tart. After reviewing the
thousands and tens Of thousands of colds
md coughs that have boon conquered by Dr.
Bulls Cough Syrup we cnn readily shy, 40
far SO good. Price % cents.
81 have found sure cure for my weak
ankle, she said. "What can it be?" Fancy
n woman never having heard of Salvation
Oil Mt twenty-five cents n bottle.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

For THROAT DISEASES, CouGHs. COLDS. etc.
effectual relief is found in the use of Browns
Bronchial Troches." Price % cts. Sold only
in boxes
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02


For Liver Disease, Bilioums., 1ndiges-
don, Scrofula or any blood faint or die
order, the "Golden Medical Discovery d
the only remedy possessed Of such superior,
curative properties a. to warrant it, manu-
iacturers in selling 1t, through druggists,
under under z positive guarantee that e ssili
money paid for It win b refunded.
It's q legitimate medicine, not bever-
age; contains no alcohol to inebriate, no
syrup or sugar to derange digestion As
wonderful IN its curative results Is in its
peculiar composition. It stands Alone
t,scomparuble! Therefore, don't be fooled
Into accepting something instead, aid to be-
Just as good, !" because the subsfitute payS
the dealer better profit.
The equal of the stG6lden Medical Di,cov.
cry has not been invented; Il It ever is. Il
won't be sold for less price than what fhe
"Discovery" costs, viz: 11.0O, or six bottle
tor $500 It's concentrated vegetable ex.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

The popularity of Dobbins' Electric Soap
is that it acts right OH the dirt and stains in
clothes md makes them pure as snow. Mt the
saIne time it preserves the clothes, and makes
them keep clean longer. Have your grocer
order it.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

To THE EplToR:-plense inform your read.
ers that have u positive remedy for the
above named disease. BY its timely use
thousands OF hopeless eases have been per-
manently cured. lahall be glad to send two
bottles Of my remedy FREE to any OF your
readers who have consumption il they will
send mecxpress ana post-of!ice address. Re-
spectfuliy, I. A. SLocuM. NJ. G., 1sl Pearl
street, New York.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

ALIENS lRoS Toxic BIrTERs sTiRs up the
torpid Liver to action. aud knocks Dyspepsia
higher than Il kite. All genuine bear the sig
nature OF j. +. Allen, Druggist, st. Paul,
MINI.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

The ths:ts of Frederick Kimball, the fugi-
tive teller ofthe Peoples Savings Bank of
Worcester, Mass, amount to $53,392. Kim
ball is thought to be on the Pacific coast.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

Dahomans have advanced and occupied II
position only one kiometr from Porto Novo,
The warship Mesange landed fifty men to re-
iniorce the French troops.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
THE LADIES DELIGHTED

The pleasant effect and the perfect atety
with which Indies may use the liquid fruit
laxative, Syrup of Figs, under all conditions
makeit their fdvorite remedy. 1t is pleasing
to the eye and to the taste, gentle. yet e.
fectual i'll acting on the kidneys, liver and
bowels.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

jeremiah Wilt and John Sipe, miners, aud
Edward and John Brisban contractors, we're
arrested at Stoyestown. Pa, with large
amount of counterfeit coin and molds in their
possession
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

Emin Pnslla has started for the interior of
Africa with 600 portcrs. 5 German officers
and large body of Nubian soldiers
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
Consumption Surely cured.

The secretary of the treasury orders the re.
turn to their nntive country ofnineteen China
men now detained ut Port Townsend, Wash.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

Henry Couch, aged 10, was instantly killed
by falling from wagon near his home ut
Spring Lake Pierce county.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

The Germans have built u fortified saloon
at kenia, Africa. formally anncxing that
district
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

think I would Try DR.. Pierce'e
Goiden Medical Discovery, too.
tract. Dose small and pleasant to tho t..h.
Equally good for adults or children.
~. TO invigorats the liver, sharpen the appe-
nte, improve digestion. and build up 6oth
strength and flesh, when reduced below -
standard Of health, It ranks prssrinsnt,
Has the issTgsst saio e anymedicns IN III
WOO Far ri s,si itnb;n a s. .0l, eacepeion!
tormenting Skin and Scalp diseases. Il II
especially eficacious Salt-rheum, letter.
Psoriasis, Erysipelas, Eczema, and all hu..
mora, from common pimple or eruption Ia
tho worst gcrofula, vanish under tie use Of
this world famed remedy, II continued for
z reasonable length Of time Scrofulous
Sores and Swellings are cured, and the
most tainted systems are, by its somewhat
persistent use, cleaned from the most viru-
lent blood-poisons and completely renovated
and built up anew. WORLDS DmpTNsARY
MEDICAL ASSOCIATION, Proprietors, BuS.
SSeSt >s -
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

Nearly seven hundred square miles of terri
tory along the lower Mississippi are suomcrg.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

Pcrtections attained in Dr. Sagp's Cntarrh
Remedy. 1t cures the worst eases.
4 William L. Pnrly has been convicted ut
Chicago, OF numbering Samuel Reininger last
September and sentenced to he hanged
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

Travelling men smoke "Tansill's Punch. ("
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

Wen, Pat, win try and relieve you. rducea,
.lWith smiie which Pst's sp seh; S ad Ia.
and II you can't" lay" nor Isef" either.
Perhaps you had better Just roosel
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
In the Spring

Nearly everybody needs Il good medicine. The
impurities which have accumulated In the blood
during the cold months must be expelled or when
the mild days come. and the effect OF bracing dir
Is lost. the body IL liable to be oversome by de-
bility or some serious deseasc The remarkable
success achieved by Hoods Sarsaparilla, and the
many words Of praise it has received. make it
worthy your confidence. We ask you to give this
medicine trial. We are sure it wild do you good.
II had been sick for several years. being
troubled chiefly with dyspepsia and malaria
had medical attendance but only grew worse,
until one day In February my wife brought me a
bottle oi-llood's Sarsnparilla. which seems to
have entirely cured me. as have not been
troubled by any ailment since taking 1t. ] con-
slider 1t very valuable medicine" JOIN
ERsKiNE Chillicothe Ohio.
N. Is. II you decide to take Hoods Sarsuparilla
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

When baby was sick, We gave l.sr castoria,
||1i|aap sbs was Child, she cried for castoria.
ltial, ~: slSas soca.tor,..
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02

But. Pat, for tho pain you complain Of.
simply foosting alone might not a..
think would try DR., Pierce'a
Golden Medical Discovery, too.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
kad shed many. many tears, yet
rcadiul to her to see Orville's

dle 20 rather. Dear madam,
mad, Adclnilc, to think of such
hr frenzird proposal does not even
lrious reply: 1Onot nffront me again
ling It," said the lady. agituted be.
Fage and grief
then, what can do for You or him?
know that would die for either"
Isis not q question ofdying. but ofliving
Id|oving-if TINT he not too late. You urc
RIFLES ~ie Give him yonr love"
9Oh. Lady Elizabeth. would do any thing
81 y right, but"
zs.I see; speak no more You will do any
thing but just whit We wisll-nny,hing but
lust what is your duty. Lady Adelaide, i
will believe no more your pro iessions, nor
Will my son plead Agnin, nor will his mother
sue for him. And rising in niger, the lady
threw of the carcssing arms of Adelaide, and
ct the room.
ella it my duty to give him nv love: Oh,
! could think it was, how happy ! should
And perhaps it may be 30. We have
o innocently divided us liz dend. Oh, way
sg hcnrt. cease! inclination sets too
onaly that way to let reason md conscience
70 fair play. must wuit-wait for moro
J" said Adel;,illc, ms she snt deeply ra
essss' Ter own strange position and
That night poor Adelaide spent in prayer
\rather than sleep.
in the morning sl,c met the family Mt
kfast, with the humble. ublued. aud de-
ing mir of one who felt hcrselfthe ca,ise
nronching separation
Qassed almost in silence, Lady
c.staned cheeks. Mr.. Dpville's
Adelnide's pensive face, east
the impending Iarting.
" broke up the sitting
lat to meet the pncket
WAS time he should
X mn nflectionnte
hen advanced to
p raised in silence
ing to :nintncss,
esht cnress: ana
sed her eyes, he
ght. and then,
may He forgive
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-05-02
PATS D1LEMMA.

p jsbbsrsi I'm 81 q . 3 ~ s1es sMfoi'
i hope you will thry to relave n.
For behave me. can't LAY nor seki
The Irish standard., 1890-05-31
SPORTING NOTES

Minneapolis heads the list now on
the base bail score and Morton is con-
fdent they are going to get the pennant.
Sioux City is proving formidable foe,
says the Sporting Life, by putting up 9
class of ball that mono but a rattling
good aggregation could put up. Capt.
Powell is after the pennant, and after it
in manner sufficiently impressive to
command the respect of all concerned
before he gets through.
The Pacific Northwestern league seems
to stir up plenty of enthusiasm and all
the sclubs are drawing we'll. Tacoma
and Spokane are making hard race for
first place, while Seattle is an easv third.
Portland seems to be playing in hard
luck and is rank toll ender. Thirteen
games have been played up to date.
The st. Paul club hopes to make ar
rangements whereby Pickett will finish
this season with the Apostles. Pickett
is willing to play the season out with
his old time fellow players, and Kansas
City seems Go be willing to let him so
TO St Paul. Pickett would bolster up
the. ST. Paul club wonderfully and put
new life into the discouraged players.
. It is reported that the American
The Irish standard., 1890-05-31
Teachers Interested.

Much talk is now being INDUCED in
by the large circle of Professors and
teachers as regards the Convention at
st. Paul in July. How to go, length of
stay. extension Of tickets, side trips, etc.
Information regarding these particu-
lars will be cheerfully furnished by any
agent Of the Minneapolis & st. Louis
Railway, which road Will make rate
of ONE FARE for the round trip for the
occasion.
Rates to the Ohatauqua assembly at
Waseca will also be made on this line
during it's session, July 9Th to 31st.
Finely arranged grounds, with the at
traction the natural advantages Of the
location affords, makes that q very de-
sirable place to spend a few days or
weeks.
Any communication addressed to @.
N Pratt, Act'g g. T. & P. A., at Min
neapolis, regarding above, will receive
prompt attention.
Half the saloons Of Baltimore have
been closed through the enforcing Of
high license law And still the Prohi-
bat'on,sts Of that place are kicking be-
c#,lse they are not All closed. Some
people are 50. constituted that
not do any thing without kicking