The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1890-05-24
MIN HB0uE TOWN.
ISN'T TRUE BUT SHOULD DE.
Officer O'Dade Mccain,
liniA.

ISN'T TRUE BUT SHOULD DE.
Officer O'Dade Mccain,
A man OF dignity,
Had visions Of happy day
When he chief would be
His strut upon the boulevard,
Was the envy OF the gang,
His fiery eye was luminous
Whenever the fire bell rang.
But alas for strut and dignity,
Alas for fiery eye,
Alas for FURNISHED buttons,
Alas for chieftain fly
Otiicer O'Dade Mccain.
Now wears no breastplatc
bright.
He fell asleep upon his beat,
On moonlit summer night.
oLDEN POETS.
They did not burn the midnight
oil,
Nor electric light, nor gas;
But lighted at their weary toll
A tallow dip, alas
-New York Herdld,
Nevertheless, they got there Just
the same. Electric light don't supply
the place of genius, neither does gall
fiji the sphere of brains.
Mr.. Editor Blowhard residence ~
What did you say?
Visitor.-What is your circulation,
| wish to advertise?
Mr.. +. B.-Ycsterday afternoon it
was 1900.
Mr.. f. b. ian hour later)-Sp-s,
tell Billy to put on 400 this afternoon.
D the morning papers anyhow,
There are about half dozen base
ball cranks in Ottawa who don't know
base hit from an error, but who are
continually crjticizing every bad break
made by the Ottawa team, and who
fail TO take any account of the fact
that other teams than Ottawa's have
lost games. Their howl is release
Jackson; release Jones, release Skim
mersOn," every time Ottawa is defeat
ed. Let these wild and woolly kickers
remember that the best clubs in the
world sometimes go to pieces and lose
games by wretched scores. Take, as
an instance, the Bro0klyn-Philadel-
pha game, II to L; the Philadelphia
Brooklyn game, II to 3: and the Chi
cago-Buffalo game, 10 to 3. Beside
these, does Ottawas game with Cedar
Rapids, IS to 8, played in Overcoats,
seem so very monstrOus? Give the
boys chance.
Another lot of men, just as rank in
kicking, are the tin-hOrn sports who
happen to lose penny or two on the
game. They are Of the bOd-eye, swing
ng-head variety, and when the club
loses they cry out that ode club can't
play no ball" They deserve no par
ticular sympathy and are receiving
none. If a man bets and loses, why
not take it like man? Beefng won't
help the case particle
AS this is Sunday morning, sup
pose / am privileged to talk church.
But | am not about to announce a
text; instead, | will write of Tom.
The father Of Tom is a labOrer and not
even of average intelligence. The
Eldest sons name Is Tom, and 1t was
his intention that the second son
should be named William. But, while
standing at the altar rail at baptism,
he became very badly ratified.
The Priest-What is the chi.d's
name?
The Laborer-Call i'm Tom.
His wife in a sharp whisper --Wil-
lie, husband, Willie!
The Priest What's that?
The Laborer-Call'im Tom.
This is why there are two Toms in
the family, and the church people
haven't, as yet, ceased their quiet
chuckling.
| remember another baptism which
amused me not little. This affair was
of Presbyterian extraction, and the
victim was a tiny. sweet faced girl
baby. The young mother was exceed
ingly bashful and swallowed her pal
ate several times while proceeding up
the aisle.
The CleIgyman-What is the name,
please?
The Mother-Lucy, thir, she lisped.
The Clergyman-Lucifer: nonsense.
John Calvin Jones, | baptize thee, etc.
Pretty pickle for girl baby,