davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Then His Honor Rose Up.

Rfom the Omaha World Herald.
August Uthoff is an Elkhorn sa-
1oon-keeper, who was arrested re-
Gently charged with selling liquor n
the Sabbath. He was taken before
a justice at Elkhorn for trial, and
straightway moved for change Of
venue.
What's that?'' the court asked.
'We don't want to be tried by
YOU" Uthoff's attorney responded.
The Judge looked at him in aston
lshment. tn offs attorney expected
fine for contempt OF court, but he
escaped that
'Pd like to know why not?" the
court remarked warmly.
Well, we have an affidavit here to
the effect that we feel that we can
not secure fair and impartial trial.
1ou re a liarr'
You're unfriendly to us"
You're an Internal, no account,
worthless liar You and your client
ought to be in jail
Eve want to go before another
court, anyway
The justice rose up and roared.
You make me tired" he cried.
ssDo you think this court is going to
have you paving all over the eoun-
try like Dogsnees looking for a man
with q lantern to suit your pleasure?
Think the law is a thing to be tried on
like suit of clothes? You sit down
there and give your evidence"
Cthoff's attorney complied and
the result was his client was fined a
500 and was sent to jail. But the
attorney appeared before the dis
trict court, recited the facts, and the
saloon man was released.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
How Supreme Court Justices
STUDY;


Washington letter in The Philadelphia Tele
graph.
From time to time there comes to
the attention OF the Supreme Justices
something relating to every branch
OF human endeavor. The right of
every man which he guards most
carefully are those relating to the
business or occupation by which he
earns his living. Disputes upon these
rights lead to law suits, and out of
them crow the Supreme Court cases;
and in considering them the Justice
must learn something of the trade or
profession, of the mechanical or the
scientific point involved Justice
Lamar said, after making a very
careful study ola patent case the
other day, that ne had learned some
thing he never knew anything about
before; he had learned all about the
gussets and seams and bands of a.
corset. He had learned all about
the stitches used and the number of
steels and where they should go to
support the female form. He had al
most to learn the corset trade in or
der TO deliver a proper opinion in
the case, and he found it quite in
tresting Thus the Justices have to
acquire all sorts OF mechanical and
scientific knowledge in order to un-
derstand all the cases that come be-
fore them.
There are great land lawyers, great
railroad lawyers, lawyers who make
speciality of patents, and some who
know all about the marine law; but
the Jnstice of the Supreme Court
must be all these, and more; his
powers must be universal; he must
deal with all the branches of the law.
and with the laws of all the States.
The Supreme Court does not divide
its labors, one taking patent cases.
one railroad cases, etc; but, though
one Justice is named by the Chief
Justice to write out an opinion on a
case, the case itself must be thorough
" studied by every member of the
court. They consider the case to-
gether, after having studied it care
fully each by himself. and they all
discuss it; and they all vote upon it,.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
"As Others See U.s."
Philadelphia Inquirer

fnlfaoelphla inquirer.
A funny story is told at the ex-
pense of Sir Richard Moon, Chair
man of the Board ofDirectors of the
London and Northwestern Railway
Company. Sir Richard is one of the
most energetic railway magnates
known. and is the terror Of the en-
ployees ofthe company, for they never
know when he is about to pounce
upon them. He makes a point of
visiting every station on the line at
least once q year and has an odd
habit OF overhauling the books and
accounts of sta ton masters at neon
venient times. He knows the price
OF everything and is said to have
rowed an unfortunate freight agent
for giving too much for packet
OF carpet tacks. One day dur
ing the Summer he dropped in at
Crew Station abont five A. NJ. aud
saw a couple of porters hard at work
cleaning up things generally. Sir
Richard was delighted. Il like to
see such painstaking industry begun
SO bright and early in the morning."
Industry be bowed" said the man
addressed tartly. who, of course, did
not know who the fussy old gentle
man was. eve don't commence
work at this unearthly hour, but
we've just heard that old nuisance.
Moon, is on the road somewhere and
we're getting ready in case the old
hunks should drop in on US unexpect-
ed: In justice to Sir Richard be it
said that he took no notice Of the
approbrious remarks, Tut quietly
slipped away and gave the crowd the
go-by that time.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
She was Papa's Girl.

New York Sun: One Of the best
.hildren,s bon mots is told by a we'll
known bookmaker in town. His
little daughter was happy amid a
parlor full of company, when bed
time came and she rebelled against
having to leave. She threw herself
on the floor, face down, and kicked
and screamed. Come" said her
mother, ''be a good little girl, now
and go to bed. Don't you know
what mamma has always told YOU
if you aren't a good little girl you
can't go to heaven?" 81 don't want
to go to heaven, said the child. L
want to go where papa goes
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
1t w las All Right.

Counselor John Griffith of Brook
lyn resigned his seat to a lady going
uptown in a Kings County elevated
train the other day, when, to his as
constituent, a man slipped into the
vacant place and the lady didn' say
O word.
s Here, " said the lawyer, 81 gave
that seat to this lady. What
%, that's all right; she's my wife, Z
and the follower of Black stone had
to leave the train at the next station
to get some air. New York.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Gaze on the gay gray brigade.
The sea ceaseth and it suficeth

Gaze on the gay gray brigade.
The sea ceaseth and it suf6ceth
US.
Say, should such a shapely sash
shabby stitches show?
Strange strategic statistics.
Give Grimes Jim's gilt gig-whip.
Sarah in a shawl shoyeled soft
snow s@stly.
She sells sea-shells.
Smiths spirit flask split Philips
sixth sisters fifth squirrels skull
New York Ledger.
In Hurry.
Foreign Agitator-" My friend, how
many hours a day do you work."
American Mechanie-ssO, some
times six, sometimes eight, sometimes
ten, twelve. or fourteen depends on
how much l can get to do.
Foreign Agitator-" Slave! Slave!
lou are only slave My mission to
this country is toform an organiza-
ton TO-
American Mcdaniel can't stop
to talk now. l must get around
with my deposit before the bank
Closes Puck.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Cattle Killed by EIks.

A ranchman living on the Satsop,
Col, missed three head of cattle. and
noticing a congregation of buzzards
q short distance away proceeded to
make an Investigation and found all
three of the animals lying dead, their
bones all broken. their horns knock
ed off. scarcely any hair left on them,
and the ground around them all
torn up with elk tracks. Apparently
a band of elk had come up and at
tackled them in an opening, hooked
and butted them down, and paved
and stamped them to death.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Partners in Guilt.

Three malignant foes to human happiness
cooperate for evil. Their names are dys-
pepsia. billousness. constipation. Though
they constitute q strong syndicate, they can
be overthrow with Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters. Not iustantaneously, of course, but
by persistence. So can malarial, rheumatic
and kidney ailments aud nery business Ask
your druggist for Hostetter's Almanac and
be advised OF their super ior merit.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Hard to Plea Sc.

A tramp who had been taking in
the fashionable residence streets in
the city, stopped at the fence Of a
Gwinnett County farmer and asked
for something to eat.
He was handed a plate filed with
bacon and greens and topped with a
pone OF corn bread.
-. II won't have it," said the tramp,
Showing the plate from him in deep
Scorn -.-
what do you want, then?" said
the housewife.
'Something betterp' responded the
tramp. as he turned his face TO the
east and stalked proudly down the
road.-Atlanta Journal.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
On a Business Basis.

cit was a brave act. young man."
said the grateful father, with deep
feeling. "Atthe peril otyour life you
rushed into the burning building and
saved my daughter. How can l ever
repay your
Would a couple of dollars be too
much"" suggested the brave rescurer.
New York Mercury.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
In Society.

Daughter-Mamma, what was the
name of the new plant we got from
the florists to-day?"
Mamma-Really, daughter, I don't
know; but l should think you could
find it in the Encyclopedia Botanni-
ca that the bookseller sent up yes
terday.-Washington Star.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
A Foolish Doctor.

Puck: "a Brooklyn physician has
failed in business. From what
cause2'' bad management. He.
cured his only patient
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Misunderstood.

West Shore: Deaf old lady Tin
street-car accident): "Oh, sir, can
you tell me what has happened?''
Pious gentleman: pray calm your
self, madame: remember that a kind
heaven bends over ALL Deaf old
lady Ito female companion): Mar
tina Jane, what's that old fool say
in to me about mems overalls?'
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Anger AppeaSed.

Habitual whistler-O-ool Wha-
would you murder me?
Stranger with piston-Prepare to
die! | have sworn to kill the next
man l heard whistling "Annie Roo
ney," and you are he.
Whistler-One moment. 1t was
not Annie Rooney ] was whist
ling Rock Me to Sleep the air
that annie Rooney was stolen
from.
Straneer-Eh? Do you consider
the author of "Annie Rooney. a
thief
Whistler do.
Stranger-Come, have drink.
New York Weekly.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
WITT y
E1,o 19''
81 NSNN M

was getting shaved i'll a one-chair
barber shop in mountain town in
Kentucky, and there was only one
other man in the shop besides the
barber The process was about half
through When some one was heard
walking on the yeranda which sur
rounded the shop, and pretty soon a
Withholding face peered through the
window.
Say Bill, does he 'un want you?'
asked the barber of the other man.
'sWho all is it?''
Simmons, | reckon"
He 'un can't want me. I never
did nothin' to him.
Stranger, does he 'un want you?"
asked the barber OF me.
Who? Simmons as you call him.
Yes"
"Never heard of him. What is he
anyhow"
oh, he 'un lives back we're a bit
Great hand to shute. Had any
trouble with him?'
NO"
well, I'll go out and explain to
he III. Might shute through the
window if l didn't"
He put down his razor and went
out, and when he returned Simmons
was with him. The shooter stepped
around and took a square look at
me, and then heaved a sigh Of dis
appointment and said to the bar
Der:
faint he'un Sam, but so mighty
clus to it that might hev popped
through the glass
''Never does any hurt to explain
Matters said the barber in a re-
Elective way as Simmons went out
He 'un killed two men in this chair,
and ldon' tlike the muss of it, That's
what | went out to eAplain-if you
was he 'un's meat, he IN was to wait
and drap you outside" - Detroit
Free Press.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

Munsey's Weekly: Lawyer-Young man. il
you want to be acquitted you had better get
me to defend you.
Prisoner (sizing him upl-I guess I'd have O
better chance if you prosecuted me.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
For Agile Tongues.

Here are some sentences which
rival the celebrated Peter Piper's
Peck OF Picked Peppers in testing
the agility of the tongue:
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

For GENERAL SYSTEM R EIUvENAroR and
blood purifier take Allen s Iron T onic Bitters
All genuine bear the signature Off. P. Allen,
Druggist, ST. Paul, MINI.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

Washington Post: don't be shy" said the
paterual crawfish.
81 can t help it, was the reply. at am nat
urally backward"
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

Chicago Mother Ito newly welded daushterl-
And is George tender, dear?
Bride of Month-Almost as tender as papa g
celebrated canned corn beef
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
His Advice,

Du Sappy-Ah, doctat, I am aw-
fully afwaid that |, aw, might get
poisoned some, aw, day. What
should |, aw, do if l accidentally
dwank some wuff on wats7
Doctor-Run out into the yard.
But, aw, Whatf oah, doncherkno?''
$50 as not to die in the house. -
Lawrence American.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

Within the last thirty years the acreage
devoted to corn has increased from 14.OoO.-
600 to IS, 600, 600, and the amount produced
from 500, 600. 900 to 2. 600, 0OO. 600 bushels.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Women bal the. Cass.

He-s'That man yonder was once
the Wealthiest man in the Mormon
Church.
She-ssWhat broke him."
He sudden change in fashions /"
Munsey's Weekly.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

USE Browns BRONCHIAL TRoGHEs fol
tEoughs, Colds and all other Throat Troubles
- - Pre-. eminently the best"-Rev. Henry
Ward Beecher
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
His Angel Wife,

Wife Before we were married you
said I was an angel, but you never
say SO ROW.
Husband (tenderly mo, darling,
but wish you were one.-W Washing
ton Post.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
His Falling.

'sWhy don't you join our athletic
club. The Initiation fee is only S1O0
and the monthly dues only So
II am afraid l could never be an
athlete
"Why not-shortness of breath?n
'Ah, no; merely shortness of funds.
Texas Siftings.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Peculiar ColIateraIS.

Sam Johnsing-Say, niggah, can't
you lend me two dollahs for a few
days?
Uncle Mose-I mout do hit. but
what security am yer gwinter gimme
dat yer don't skedaddle jes as soon
as yer has got de money?
Sam Johnsing-What security! Tie
glib You as security my sacred word
of honor as a gennerman and a pair
OF ledder britehes almos' as good as
new.-Te1as Siftings.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Dumb DIALOGUES,


Come off the roof" as the light
ming said to the shingle.
I'm on to your as the flea re-
marked to the dog.
"There's flies on you!' was the re-
mark the footlights made to the
stage.
YOU'RE off your nutv' laughed the
axle TO the wheel.
"You make me tired!' said the
wheel to the wheelwright.
Get on to the JAY" remarked the
sparrow, to the thrush, as the blue
jay few by.
Its nothing but d bluff" said the
chamois, as he looked over the edge
OF the preeipice.
I'm stuck on you" smiled the fy,
when the sticky paper got in its work.
Boston Traveller.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Something Unprecedented.

Something Unprecedented.
Ethelinda (handing her mamma a
letterl-Robert has proposed at
last.
Mamma latter reading it)-You
are mistaken in your belief Rob
ert is a college graduate.
Chow do you know, mammal"
From the fact that ey cry word in
his letter is correctly spelled. -
Pittsburg Chronicle.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
"A Great Need.

Agent II want to sell you a pair
OF my patent shoe-strings. They tie
themselves
Citizen-.sThey won't do. I want
to get i, pair that will unite them.
selves. Puck.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
Got Off Easy.

The court-Guilty or not guilty?
Prisoner-Guilty.
Court-You fully understand the
nature OF the charge against you, I
presume?
Prisoner-I do.
CORTLAND you still plead guilty
to having struck the blow which re-
suited in the death of Terrence
O'Shaunnessy, together with his
horse and load of hay?
Prisoner-I do.
Court latter a ause}-Well, while
the court would be justified IN pro-
nouncing the full penalty of the law
in.your case, still, as this is your first
ofense, and especially as there ap-
pears to have been some mitigating
circumstances, I am inclined to make
your punishment light The SEN
tence OF the court is that you 60
free, but that your portrait he pub
lished in the ST. Louis daily newspa-
perS.-W hiteside Herald.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

For edisordered liver try Beecham's Pills
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10

A Young Lady Who Was Posted.
First young lady examining di-
rectory in drug store)-I cannot
find the name in this directory Ethel.
Second young lady-No? What
shall we do?
First young lady-Let us go to
Hudnut's drug store and examine
their directory. They keep a better
stock of everything.-New York
Mercury,
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-12-10
A WomanIy Answer.

Sophomore heard one of the
girl undergraduates making a truly
woman1y answer the other day.
Junior-Indeed?
Sopomore-Yes; the professor in
astronomy asked her why the earth
goes round the sun.
Junior-what answer did she make?
Sophomore - Because" - New
York Sun.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1890-05-29

Billy Monroe: / have goa dos1 y
ouiet fun to myself watching where
people put their cigars. OF course your
businessman has his cigar-cass of he
puts his cigars in his vest pocket Bai
there are some" characters. Take the
Irishman who is laborer for instance.
] He sticks his snrplns cigar In his hal
band. have seen policeman buy
three or four cigars and put them on the
inside Of his hat. It isn't often that
GhanaEpaH snakes . cigar l believe I
Is rule that no Chinaman shall smoke
. cigar untilsafter heshas cut his queue.
Before that he smokes the cigarette.
never knew where John kept his Gig.
ars or his cigarettes. You see him walk
ing along the street and, all at once ne
makes 4 motion, Is II he were going 70
dive, and he comes up with his cigar OF
cigarette, as the case may be, and Il
smoking before you know it II is still
question among the best smokers as 70
where is the best place to carry cigar
If you are not smoking it--Chicago
Tribune.
Julia didn't like TO go to school and
complained a great deal OF being IL
Her mother tried torind out what allied
her and asked her great many ques-
tions. There seemed to be no trouble
with her head or stomach. do you
have any pain?- she asked. Il Me- mann
ma. where do you feel the worst,
dear2" said mamma. "In school, said
Ixrlt ID.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1890-05-29
"A study of Fineer-Nails.

Phrenology and chiromancWhave long
ago become established brhnches of
pseudo-science, and booksand pamphlets
on the subject are within the reach of
every body. There is, however, new
branch Of the curious methods of phys
ical research into character which is as
yet very little developed. 1t is the study
Of the fnger-nails, the shape and color
Of which are said to indicate certain
traits of character. Finger-nails, ac-
cording to the experts of the new fad, If
long and slender, denote Imagination
and poetic feelings, love of art and lazi-
ness. If long and fiat they are the signs
Of prudence, good sense and grave mem
tai faculties; II wide and short, they in
dictate high temper, rudeness, desire
for controversy and -obstinacy. A pink
color signifies virtue, liberality and
courage; dry, brittle nails belong to
murderers and other cruel persons !;
curved in shape Of claws as bad or worse
than the last named. Soft nails; indicate
feebleness of both body and mind, and
nails gnawed close to the flesh signify
stiffness and dissipation. st. Louis Re-
public.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1890-05-29
GONE DOWN WITH ALL HANDS.
When we

sends
And yet the number Of Lives os y az sea
which sacrinced on
Statistics show that twenty per cent 81 a teams tins
remedy But there IS Dr alerce 1olae Med
to believing then the thousands o. hn
medical authorities Consumption scoua an
remedy
Golden Medical Hence has
iaeon,e faons remedy
until all lingering the Golden Medical Discovery
abso telv remedy !, u
Blood, Short Breath Conumpye Nghswea
kindred medicines
trial IN all
will promptly
Propre No. 663 Main
Street. Buffalo, n X
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1890-05-29
STRENGTHS 70 BEAR.

A shadow walked beside me,
A shadow weird and sad,
And cast lite chilling darkness
. Upon q life once siad.
: - nloee IL fyf1QEed by me-
Wnereper my Footsteps led
Though moved hurrying onward
Yet close to me II sped. -
Then stili stood; and backward
turned my weary Eyes s
I1i in the gloom behind me,
But higher did u rises
"fii gaze no ,onser backward
On paths pf doubt and fears;
viii unvafl the future.
There's surely balm for tears.g
But from the heights OF coming time,
Az In the wales long past,
J saw the gloomy phantom
Which held me In its gr31y.
no aark=eyeA shadow, leave r2ksl=s-sAa=s=
Hannt not the future, too;
The past and present darkness
rsall that 10 thy due"
Then round turned, moro hopeful
!. Perhaps walked alone!,
But mol twas there beside me,
And slowly we moved on.
And then my heart was heavy,
My footsteps tagging grew;
The futures vail was falling,
The path scarcely knew.
1knelt there by the wayside,
With heavy. burdened heart
"Oh Heaven send defiverance
And bid this shade DEPART"
whilst there bowed In silence,
A voice fef1 on my ear;
"Look up, thou child of tow,
And dry each falling tear.
"Although the shadow lingers,
Still OF thyself part,
Let not thy life be darkencd,
Brutal this to thy heart
Earth's children have their sorrows,
Each one must breast the wave;
Remember, then, thy brother,
And reach thy hand to save.
"Thus living for thy brother,
Thyself thou wilt forget;
And though behind thee often
The shadows lurking yet,
Still be this for thy comfort,
When gloom and doubt appear,
Although they fee not from ee,
Thou shalt have strength to bear"
Then arose, and calmly
MY pathway took again,
NoNdeigned to look Behind me
FoN harbingers Of pain.
gazsd up toward the heavens,
The sun more brightly shone;
walked with firmer footsteps,
With strength not all my own.
So, weary child of sorrow,
Wherever thou art to day,
When weary growth footsteps, z--
And darkened seems the way,
Speak not so harsh OF Heaven,
For 1t has heard thy prayer,
And though the shadows gather,
Thou shalt have strength to bear.
Edith Lyle; In Housekeeper.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1890-05-29

To THE EpIToR:-Please inform your
readers that have positive remedy for
the above named disease By lis timely
use thousands of hopeless cases have been
permanently cured shall be glad TO send
two bottles of my remedy FREE TO any Of
your readers who have consumption II they
will send me their express and postroffice
address, Respectfully, r A. SLocuM, M, G.,
ISL Pearl street. New York