Montgomery County sentinel., 1890-07-18
FOOLS.
[From The WaUerly Progress, by j, l..
LODGE, d. D., Editor,

They are very numerous In fact, they
are in the majority. 1t is genus with al.
most endless species. Fools are of all ages
sexes and degrees of folly. For one par
ticular fool whom one meets constantly or
the streets, the users of slang have invented
a pet name His pants are so tight there
seems little else of his slight anatomy. He
puts much confidence in his eyeglass, and
nourishes his baby moustache with tender
est care. He thinks the world would miss
him sadly, but otherwise he is a harmless
creature. Out of pity we soften the accusa-
ton and spell him dude"
His affinity comes along right now. She
is an interesting thing, made up to order,
and "just out" Heels of her shoes in the
middle of her feet, waist caved in like the
back of a red wasp, neck twisted like an
exploring pelican, eighteen inches of tanned
ambskin reaching to her elbow, something
| like II demolished oyster shell with green
house attachment precariously clinging to
somebody else's back hair, she's the admra-
ton of male fools. Thinks "Mama" good
enough to do kitchen work, while she is
destined for "sussiety." The fathers and
mothers of this generation think Solomon
was fool when he gave instructions how
to bring up children. You know what that
wise old man said: His critics say let the
boy stay on the street till 10 O'Clock at night,
choose his own companions, learn all the
deviltry the rabble can teach him, become
an adept in vice and immortality, and when
an gets old enough to know better, he'll be
nice young man. That is, if he handle pitch
he will not be detiled. Nothing short of
capitals will suffice for this class OF FOOLS.
That was large-size fool who inserted the
following notice in city paper "a gentle
man whose wife is away for the summer
wishes to meet discreet, lively young lady to
accompany him to places OF amusement.
Address, Lonely" He was a bigger fo0l
who mailed copy of the paper to his wife i.
The women who came tearing back from
the springs to make things interesting for
their husbands were the biggest fools OF all.
The man who votes the bread out of his
mouth to enrich wealthy sharpers is a po-
httcdt fool. The man who believes the news
papers when they say that farming pays is
an agricultural tool. The deluded wretch
who strives to pay Oft mortgage debt with
wheat at 80 cents and corn at 40 cents,
when he could get job on the railroad is
very ordinary fool The tattler who pleas
antly ISLANDERS his neighbors without know
ing that his hearer solemnly believes that
he will next traduce him is the anSpedhdble
fool. The weak one who discards tried
friends for untred tiedgelings is the rash fool.
The mayor Of u town, or the president OF Il
literary society, who expects to please every
body is AN exceedingly 0dsn tool The poor
misguided wretch who undertakes to argue
with Il woman, expecting her to hear rea-
son, and gets mad because she aoW answer
"but' and "becauSe," is II most unreasona-
BILE fool.
A good old sister down in Virginia said, ,
she had met many tool in her time, but
according to her best Judgment and expert
enge, "the biggest fool she had ever met
was the fool Tor the lack OF sense" While
| sit here meditating on what fools these
morLals be" my fingers ache to write about
the biggest fool that ever hopped around on
Gods iootstool. In this ianatical epoch he
is constantly obtruding himself. He is the
tobacco fool. Paralysis would ensue should
| attempt to "shift the emphasis" on this
embodiment OF intolerance, conceit and
Pharseeism. Here's short editorial in
"The Crown OF Glory" published at In
dianapolis, Ind. -Four twins-tobacco,
prostitution. profanity and intemperance."
| En- passant, who ever heard of fdur twins
But the stupidity OF the ass usually goes
with the etfrontery ot the fanatic. With.
out having ever seen him, Pm ready to
stake all my worldly possessions on the as
sertion that this editor is "a long, lank speci
men of the human animal, with lantern
Jaws, razor nose, red mouth, has blue stripe
down his spine, squeaks through his nos
trils, and halls from "Bosting" or "vicinity."
The man VINO could pen that editorial para
gragh is no gentleman, much less a Chris
/ tian, but is a coarse and vulgar rowdy. 1t
is an outrageous insult to every decent man,
even il heartily disapproving OF the use OF
| tobacco. The words mean that tobacco
using is equal in wickcdness to the three
| fearful crimes mentioned.
Nothing can be said in defense OF the to-
bacco habit. Most of those addicted to it
deplore what has become physical neces-
| sity. 1t is Injurious to some, really filthy
in others, inconvenlent and useless TO all.
This ia personal opinion, from which not
a few good men dissent, as they certainly
have the right TO do. But TO class it as q
crime is to go entirely too far. There are
many thousands Of ministers in this coun-
try, very large proportion OF whom use
tobacco in some form. These include presi-
dents of colleges. college professors, editors
and pastors, whose talents, culture, piety,
generosity and every virtue that goes to
make noble man, none can for an instant
| doubt. God has most wonderfully blest these
devoted men in all their varied callings and
work-blessed them as He never would bless
the impure, the profane and the drunken,
should they assume the functions OF the
ministerial office. There are many thou
sands more, private members, doctors, law
yers men OF all professions and employments,
who ornament the cause of Christ, and are
powerful factors in its advancement, who
| use tobacco.
The editor referred TO says, in another
scrap, that none Of these foul mouthed shall
ever see the kingdom OF heaven. Think OF
applying that language To the world noted
Meyer, the great Biblical scholar and com
mentatur, who toied on in his piOus work
TIL lie died, past ninety, having smoked to
within six hours of his death This pious
editor cousigns every tobacco using Chris
tan to hell. He Is rs positive about 1t az
the furious ministerial orator IN Brooklyn,
who, in 84 asserted that "Blaine was the
choice of God"--though he afteI ward ad
mitted that God had made " mistake. la a
third scrap this editor says Examine the
pockets Of the poor Dacksider, and see II
you do not find some of the weed"
Such is the ianaticsm and madness ol
the hour 1t knows nothing ni propriety,
respects nobody, has no limits. dentility,
the opinions aud privileges ul others, are
hanltualy violated by this tribe Sometime
since, in the city of Washington, a minister
and an officer Of his church were passing
an estmable minister and his wife, and cor
daily greeted them. a person in their com
pany, calling himself a minister, returned
the civiity by bawing out his opinion of
minister who would use tobacco. 1t re
quires all the grace OF God within born
gentleman, under such provUcation, 10 re-
frain from treating such rutfianism as IL de-
serves.
A woman in Jersey City was fanatic on
cookery as well as on tobacco She used
to declare, with vehemence, that 1t was a
much sin To eat u piece OF pie as TO breat
= ha pdt
would not touch sugar and rice becaus'
they were Southern products, and used t.
sit day by day in white robes expecting
Christ to cpnie Fanaticism has delugeC
continents in blood, because il would no
, permit the use or possession of what it disal
lowed. The furious quill-driVer aforesaid
/, and all like him, should be allowed thu
utmost liberty in splitting forth their venom
. but all respectable people should prompt.
| rebuke the beastly utterances Of such tire
mendous fnnls.