, 1890-02-28

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"Don't you find the room a little dark,
Uncle john" 1 remarked
sits on account of my poor eyes" re-
piled my Uncle John, in the hoarse
whisper that seemed habitual with him,
chats why I'm forced to wear these
green spectacles," he said.
How stupid 1 was to have forgotten
my uncle's weakness of vision.
Then there was a long silence, which
vas broken by my Uncle John.
You amt thinking of marrying, 10
seph, are your said my uncle.
"Why, bless me, no, uncle" l replied.
"Ive only thirty shillings a week, and
there are four of u.s."
"But if she was an heiress, Joseph"
croaked my uncle.
I'm open to an heiress," l replied.
THAT was a likely girl that opened the
door for you, Nephew Joseph" said my
Uncle John. I'm very fond of that
likely girl" he went on, "and she's an
heiress," added my uncle mysteriously,
land she's a sort of a girl as I'D make
any young man happy"
1 didn't quite see how the slatternly
girl was calculated to make any young
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wa my uncle's s~tepdaughter; so 1 re-
marked namely, "She's a spanking young
woman SIR"
"She's all that, nephew" .croaked out
my uncle. 'She's the very image of her
blessed mother, and look how happy
that woman has made me. Don't you
think you'd like to walk out with her,
Nephew Joseph? Don't you think you'd
like to take her to the Crystal Palace?"
said the tempter, my uncle.
Zone can't afford to take girls to the
Crystal Palace. uncle" l replied, ION
thirty shillings a week"
But suppose l was to stand SAM
said my uncle. Joseph" continued my
uncle mysteriously, ''she's a-puttin' OF
her Sunday clothes. You wait till you
see her when she's dressed"
Here was n horrible situation. Ny
uncle was about to propose that l should
take the slatternly girl to the Crystal
Palace in her Sunday clothes, and all the
time 1 was engaged to Sophia; but l
didn't dare to say anything about Sophia
to my Uncle John.
"That likely girl that's a dressin' her
self for you, Nephew Joseph, in the next
room, II have 200 golden sufferings the
day she marries, and I've been saving her
Up for you, Nephew Joseph, ever since
my wedding day. There's a Go note on
the mantel for you, Joseph, and there's
a suffering inside. Take her to the Pal
ace, nephew, and let me hear you've
squared it between you when you bring
her home. Don't you spare expense,
Joseph; treat her to swings and merry
go-rounds, take her on the switchback
railway; and mind you travel fust class,
Joseph, there's nothing fetches a young
girl like travelling fust class. L was
young myself, once, Joseph" added my
uncle, with a sigh. She's a real high
stopper is Polly"
There was nothing else for it; l had to
express my delight, and as l did so the
real high stopper entered the room. l
shouldn't have known her. She was
appallinS-that's the only word for it.
'She's a blessed angel" said my
uncle with enthusiasm, land the very
image of her dear mother. Heaven
bless you, my children! Don't be later
than o, Joseph. Good-by, children" he
said. And then and the real high step
per started for the Crystal Palace.
1 draw a veil over my sufferings at
that place of amusement. Polly chung
to my arm till l felt as if we were STA
mese twins; and she made warm love to
me upon the switchback railroad.
you're the first young man I've ever
walked out WITH" she said to me ingenu-
ously while the fireworks were going on.
1 was no philanderer, and I was desper-
ately in love with Sophie; but l couldn't
afford to quarrel with my uncle, SO l
pretended to make love to Polly. l dis
sembled, and 1 made it as like the real
thing as possible; and when we reached
Araminta terrace l felt like the villain
of a melodrama. Polly opened the door
with a latch key. We went straight up
to my uncle's bedroom, where the old
gentleman was still lying in state. If
possible, his room smelt more strongly
han ever of brandy.
you're very late, Joseph" said my
uncle, reprovingly; "but young people
will be young people. 1 was a young
person once."
My uncle is getting a little mixed, 1
thought.
"How did you enjoy yourself, PollyT'
croaked my uncle.
ut was just heavenly, mother" cried
the girl; and then the cat was out of the
bag. Here was Polly'smother m~asquerad.
ing asmy Uncle John. Horrible thoughts
flashed through my mind. Perhaps they
had murdered him and buried him in
the coal cellar. / seized the poker. /
shouted 'Policer" 1 rushed upon my
supposed Uncle John and seized his long
white beard. 1t, his venerable wig, his
hairy face, his tapped cap and his green
spectacles came away in my hand, and 1
saw a fat, red faced woman, perfectly
bald, and with huge sham eyebrows of
white hair.
"Ain't you ashamed of yourself, you
young ~rapscallion, to treat your great
aunt in this way, and me a lone widow?
Oh, Mr.. Joseph" cried the woman, as
she bounced out of bed and flung herself
upon her knees. "Worleybone's been
dead these three months, and we amt
provided for, and l was doing my best
for Polly, which is my daughter, being
my bounden duty. Oh, Mr.. Joseph,
spare the widow and her orphan childr'
Down on your marrow bones!" cried
the frightened woman to her daughter;
"if it hadn't been for you, you hussy,
he'd never, never have found me out;"
and Miss Polly, the high stopper, drop