Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-11-16
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

The reason why COW wears horns is
because she has got two.
Jane-"Belle, why is it haven't seen
you oftener this season ?" Belle-"Well,
| spend all my time in society, you
know"
Jangle-'I got acquainted with lord
when | was abroad" Fangle (who has
enjoyed a similar honor )-"How much did
he borrow from you ?'
"Can you pay me that 800 you owe me2
If you can't I'll sue" "Ill give you a
pointer. Suppose you lend me another
500, and then sue for both"
Visitor (affably)-"Does your little girl
take after you or after her IA Little
girl (interruptingly)-"Oh, it amt me
that takes after father 1t S ma"
"In what key is that song, Home, Sweet
Home written ?' asked Blykins of his
wife, "The night key, should Judge"
replied that lady with afable emphasis.
Tommy Judkins-"Papa, what do they
mean by a selling race? Is anything
actually sold?" Judkins -"Yes, my son,
and it is usually the public. The Weeks
Sport.
Al thought you said you'd mail me
that S. bill you owe me ?' Be- did
mean to, but when went to the Postoffice
l found this placard on the walls; Post no
bills"
Clara-"Jack intends to have everything
his own way when we are married" Clara's
Mamma-"Then why do you marry him ?"
Clara-"To relieve his mind of a false i'm
preston. Life.
City Swell-''I fain would have thee for
my very own" Country Girl-"Well, you
can just get. You're not the first by sew
eral that's feigned the same thing, and Pm
still doing the housework for ma
Mrs Outline Gretchen, l am told
Hans has given you beautiful engage
"Oh, Hans wear it himselluf He vas
afrait lose him nit anoder feller." r."-JeW-
elers' Weekly.
Mrs Blossom Ito her husband, who has
come home with a black eye)-"That's
what you get for riding bicycle" Mr..
Blossom (mournfully my dear, it's
what get for not being able to ride one"
The Epoch.
Oldboy-"You man, don't try to fly
too high at first. Always begin at the
bottom and work up" Flippant Youth
That's all right if you want to climb
ladder; but what if you want to dig a
we'll plight.
McFingle-"How much is Brownson
worth ?" Misunderstanding" why,
understood he had some very valuable
property" ooh, yes his property is
worth good deal, but Erownson himself
is worthless Boston 1rapeler.
Judge-"How far did the thief carry
your pig?" omplainant-"Fully two
miles from my house Judge Ito prisoner)
-"What have you to say to this charger
Prisoner-"It was only joke, Judge"
Judge-''Six months-because you carried
the joke too far
How do you enjoy the symphony con-
certs this year, Mrs. Threestars !" "Oh,
Mr.. Binks, they are just lovely! So much
nicer than last season. You know, Pm
studying harmony and counterpoint. I've
had three lessons already, and | can I'M
derstand the orchestra ever so much bet
ter."-Boston Herald.
She was q schoolma am, young and fair,
Well educated, culture fine,
And grammar was her strongest hold,
The hardest words she could decline.
But one fine day along there came
A man of handsome, noble carriage,
And she, alas when he proposed
Could not decline that short word marriage"
Jack Harduppe-"So you won't lend me
any money Don't you remember that
when we graduated from college you
promised TO share your last cent with me
if needed it ?n Tom InIuck-"Yes, and
I'll stick to my word" "Then why don't
you let me have S10?" Because | am not
reduced to my last cent yet. Wait until
them
Mother (whispering)-"NIy dear, our
hostess wishes you to play" Daughter
Horrors, mother. You know never play
before strangers. l become so nervous and
excited that my fingers get all tangled up,
and | make all sorts of awful blunders"
Mother-"Neyer mind, dear. Play some
thing from Wagner, and then the mistake
won't be noticed"
The summer girl has passed away.
The autumn girl is here.
And though she wears less fine array,
We hold her just as dear.
What If she dotfs her summer dress
A heavier one to weare
Does that impair her loveliness2
Does she become less faiI
1t matters not what dress she wears,
Or how the seasons hy;
She in November hearts ensnares
The same as in July.