The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1890-11-02
NE1}!i&GEs9le
CONCERNING QUARREIS.
AN INTERESTING DISSECTION OF
THE SUBJECT BY MRS. LESLIE.


tween Man and woman-DiTerence Be
tween His Mode of Quarrelins and Hers.
Copyright by American Press Association.l
Ihave said good deal at one time and
another about friendship, claiming for
it perhaps the highest place in the scale
Of the happiness Of life-not, mind you,
Of the pleasures of life, for the delirium
of love brings rapture which friend
ship never attains. But on the other
hand all love is Of the nature Of Ia
grippe. 1t seizes vivaciously, it clings
tenaciously, it rapidly attains a domi-
nation over the whole being, before
which every other sensation pales, and
then it vanishes. Its rise is position, it
attains its climax, during which some
victims expire, and all fancy they are
going to, and then-then it begins to
disappear, slips from one hold to an
other, and finally leaves the system
worn, torn, shattered, exhausted, but
free-that is, comparatively free, for no
body soon loses all remembrance of the
attack, and in some unlucky cases it re-
turns again and again. Well, such is
love, and such is not friendship.
Mime. Swetchine, the devoted and
immaculate friend of Pere Laondaire,
said, "a friendship is young and fresh
at the end of thirty years, but many a
love dies of old age at the end Of three
months" And never was a truer say
ing.
Today, however, I do not intend to
speak of the charms of friendship, but
rather of its pains and penalties, of the
falling out with ones friends rather
than Of the harmony of mutual satisfac-
lion.
Everybody, that is every woman,
knows, for men do not know much that
can't be expressed by algebraic signs,
but all women know That the person of
whom they are fondest is the person
with whom they are most apt to quarrel,
and this rule governs both love and
friendship.
1t is one of the queer anomalies Of
Woman's nature that what she most val
ues is that with which she finds most
fault, and that which is necessary to her
very existence is precisely what she
most often imperils and pretends TO fling
away. 1t is so in love, for lovers
guarrels" are proverbial, and l have
heard more than one woman complain
of some man that she never could care
very much for him because it was so i'm
possible to vex him.
But the quarrels Of friends are of an
other nature from those of lovers, just
because love is Of another nature from
friendship-the former springing into
existence of its own sweet right, and
bringing with it such utter subversion
Of all previous conditions that for a lit
tie while reason is put out of court,
Justice is blinded more than usual and
nobody expects to either use or listen to
what is called rational argument" in
the matter. But friendship is built upon
a rock foundation of esteem, knowledge,
experience and observation. You like
stranger, you find him or her pleas
ant acquaintance, you become more and
more familiar, and perhaps in the end
you arrive at friendship; but it is al
ways, if worth anything at all, matter
Of growth and time.
The Temple of Love arises from the
bowers at one wave Of the magician S
wand, is ready for haoitation in an hour
and vanishes with the Ike CELEBRITY. If
some terrible quarrel GemolisheS the fair
structure as by hurricane the magi-
clan has but to wave his wand again,
and everything Is renewed just as rosily
as ct first But the shrine of friendship
is a far more elaborate structure, built
up block by block, each one a precious
stone fitted 10 its exact position, growing
by degrees under the hands and eyes of
its builders, meant to endure, fitted for
lifelong occupancy, and yet quite useless
for any other inmates than those who
build il.
If the friends are two women the
chance is that this mutual structure will
be a lifelong employment and happiness
TO both; and although it may be very
quiet and simple little dwelling, it may
prove the best refuge either will ever find
from the storms of life. The chances are
that the woman friends will never quar-
rel seriously; women seldom care deeply
enough for each other to quarrel unless
they are true friends. and then they care
too much-that is, each knows the other
and respects the other too thoroughly,
and feels that too much of her compan-
ions hidden life has been made known to
her to allow her that freedom of express
sion, that jibing and haunting which, IN
more or less courteous fashion, pervades
all Quarrels of the feminine gender.
If two mature and deep hearted WON
en- who are friends do ever come TO an
open quarrel it is almost invariably a
fatal one
But if the friends are of opposite sexes
there is again difference. The friend
ships different, the tendency TO quar-
rels is different. the effect of both quar-
rel and reconciliation is different. In
this case it is almost always the woman
who starts the quarrel, and very proba-
bly, the moving cause is that she is tired
of the serene and ADMINISTRATIVE nat
ure of her friends friendship. She does
not wish him 10 he a lover; she would
be sincerely grieved and disappointed Il
he were to become so, but she wants him
to care" and 10 show that he cares, fol-
her and her friendship; 10 say some
thing to her that ne does not say TO other
people; TO look pleased when she appears
upon the scene; TO give her now and
again that little look across the crowd
which speaks Of sympathy and mutual
comprehension Of what we call rapport.
But a man, although he does all these