davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
1t Is Funny.

DetrOlt free PreSS.
Six or eight men were grouped on
Park street the other day and discuss
ing natural gas. when two of them got
into dispute as to the size of a certain
pipe. They were good-natured enough
at the start, but soon grew bitter, and
one called the other liar. He sprang
up to resent it, but was held back while
an old man said to him:
"Now, then, you said the bore of the
pipe was nine inches, didn't you?'
II did! know 1t is! Tu bet my life
on itn'
"And this man said you lied?"
'IIe did, and I'll mash himn
Swat. Here is tape line. Let us
see. The bore of the pipe is-what?
Six inches. You said it was nine. You
lied. He only told the truth when he
said you lied. Why should you take on
so when you lied? He said you lied,
and we have proved that you iiedP'
But the liar broke loose and seized a
Club and made the crowd flee for their
lives,
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
Betterthan GOVernmentBOndS

The ordinary living expens-
es Of a family offive persons,
living in the customary man
ner Of American people,
amount to not less than ST.
500 per year. 1t would re-
quire nearly $4,000 in gov
eminent bonds to produce
this income. Ten acres Of
land in the Willamette VAL
ley planted to prunes, with
an ordinary crop, at ordi-
nary prices, will net more
than $1,000, after paying for
all labor placed thereon.
You can buy this land Of the
Oregon Land Company, of
Salem, Ore, in tracts Of ten
acres or more, at from sos
to SIS per acre.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
THE YOUNG WOMEN.
They Hold Their Annual Conven-
vention and Elect Officers Like

They Hold Their Annual Conven-
vention and Elect Officers Like
Men.
AT the meeting of the sixth annual
convention of the Young Women's
Christian Association, at the First Con-
gregational church yesterday, the fol-
lowing officers were elected:
President, Miss Frances Gage, st. Paul:
vice president. Miss Jones, Albert Lea: sec
ond vice president Miss Grant. Hamline;
third vice president, Miss Records Mankato;
secretaries, Miss Bolles ST. Cloud; Miss
Cooley, Albert Lea: Miss Sheldon. Carleton
College; state secretary, Miss Pretlow, ST.
Cloud; state treasurer, Miss Mitchell, st.
Cloud.
Miss Flora Harphan, of Carleton col
lege, gave very interesting and help
full address in the afternoon, dwelling
on the duties of the officers of the yari-
Gus associations and showing how es-
sential was devotion to duty. Secretary
Elliott. of the Y. NJ. C. A. of Mlnneapo-
lis. followed in an earnest talk which
was full of practical thoughts.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
COLOR BLIND.
A Characteristic Good Story Told
on Sunset Cox.


Chicago Times.
After the adjournment of congress
next month Hon. Ben Butterworth will
pull up his tent pegs from Ohio and be-
come an honOred resident of the great
est city on earth; that, of course, means
Chicago. ButterwUrth is a man of de-
lightful personality. and possesses a
nearly inexhaustible fund of wit and
anecdote. which has made him greatly
sought for as an entertainer.
In his extensive public career he has
been brought into contact with the
brightest minds in the world of States
manShip, and this association he has
used to good advantage. He is an ar
dent admirer of the late "Sunset' Cox,
and tells number of stories which
illustrate the keen faculties and ready
wit of the dead congressman.
During BntterwOrth's last visit to
Chicago SOme weeks since he was en-
tertained at the Union League club by
a few of his many friends here, and told
this good story on Cox. The scene is.
of course, in the forum of the house,
and the dramatis persona are Congress
men Cox and Lynch, of MiSsiSSippi:
Lynch had the floor" said Butter
worth, "and was making Iong-Winded
talk on the tariff, as only cOlored man
can make. especially if he imagines
that there is a disposition OH the part Of
any one to choke him Off.
Lynch would, by way of emphasis,
repeat his remarks, and each repetition
grew longer and more tiresome than the
previous one, until every member of the
house had assumed an air of iethargy
and made themselves as comfortable as
possible during the long debate.
'COX was impatient to reply TO some
remark Of the Southern orator, and
would rise TO the floor every once in a
while, so as to be ready to take the floor
when Lynch subsidized.
''He waited and waited until patience
seemed no longer virtue, and then
cried in loud voice and gesticulated
wildly, so as to attract attention, 'Mr.
Speaker?''
THE speaker called Cox to order.
saying the gentleman from Mississippi
had the floor.
Cox waited awhile longer, and then
broke out: MIR. Speaker, desire, etc.
and continued his talk while Lynch
was also making his speech. The
speaker again called out: MIR. Cox. you
must remember that Mr.. Lynch, of
Mississippi, has the floor Cox replied:
Excuse me, Mr.. Speaker, but l am
color-blind."
"This evoked long and loud laughter
from every member present, and Lynch
was so provoked that he took@his seat
disgnSted, leaving the floor to the men,
Der from New York"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
THE CIDER WAS OFF.
Soaking Apples Over Night


New York Sum-
AS we sat around the stove the land
lord brought in gallon of cider with
q delicious twang to it. and treated all
hands. | thought it the incest | ever
saw, but the man from Ohio smacked
his lips, shook his head and said:
doesn't taste exactly right to me-"
"W hat!" cried the landlord, "do you
think it adulterated?"
TASTES that way"
cit can't be. 1t was made by old Bill
NayIor, out here about two miles. Bill
is inclined to be tricky, and so l not
only paid him an extra price, but
watched the whole business of making
this barrel. I'll bet SlOO he didn't put
in drop Of wafer"
"Mebbe not. but it's off TASTE"
The landlord was nettled about It,
and he was offering to make almost any
sort of bet when old Bill happened to
come in.
Here, Bill, you are just the man I
want to seeI' exclaimed mine host.
Here's man who says your cider is
off,
HAS he lost his palate?' asked the
old man.
Something wrong with that cider
something wrong" said the Buckeye.
"Bill, didn't pay you extra for this
barrel?"
you did,"
didn't | see all the apples ground?"
"You did,"
didn't see the cheese made?"
"You did"
"Didn't stand by while the cider
run into the barrel, and didn't bung it
my seli?'
"Y GU did,"
"Now then, Bill. here's a IS note. If
you did beat me in any way the note is
yours if you'll tell me, and 1'l agree not
to feel hard about it,"
"Honest Injun?'
"Yes, honest Injun."
swell, then, Tom, l soaked the apples
in water over night" said the old cider
maker. as he reached out Tor the bill.
Thought as much!" chuckled tn e
Buckeye. ''I've been in the cider bust
ness myself for forty years. and l know
we can't be straight to save our necks.
A very fair article, landlord-very fair.
but leetle off In the TASTE"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
NOTE AND COMMENT.

Now that Judge Young has been re-
tired from the bench in Hennepin
county, it is said that he will
enter the race for the city at
torneyship, which Is now held by r. ID.
Russell, another defeated candidate for
judicial honors. In this event there
will be an interesting contest, as Judge
Young will have the backing of host
of Republicans who are not satisfied
unless the judge Is fixed In a good
place.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
IN THE POLICE COURT.

The charge Of forgery preferred
against Charles Sprungman. the fifteen
year-old boy who attempted to pass
forged checks upon S. f. Olson 81 Co,
was dismissed, upon motion of the state,
and the boy was sent to the reform
school for incorrigibility.
John Duce and George Funn were
n d. 81 and s. respectively for doing up
Henry Zoltah. In Zol abs case it was
while he was doing them they were
doing him. Ante-election beer was the
cause of the disturbance.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
The Grand Jury's Report.

The grand jury failed to indict Charles
Hoppenworth, the Plymouth farmer
who burned up his property some time
ago. He was charged with arson by his
peighbors, but the grand jury con-
enough by the bad whisky that he
drank, and which caused him to DESTROY
his property. Some sixteen indictments
have been returned, among them being
bills against Frank La Due, the old
man who would ravish girl; George
Smith, accused of forgery; William
Morton end William ruffer, CT the
boo gang" and numerous other small
Ell offenders. The persons against
whom indictments have been found will
be arraigned tomorrow.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
Forgot His Money,
San Francisco Chronicle.

sui IuuClSCO
On going to bed at the Palace hotel
late Monday night, A. D. Westfield, a
wealthy resident of New York, placed
$4,000 in bills under the mattress of his
bed, and when he arose Tuesday morn
overland train by the Southern route,
he forgot this money in the haste of bis
preparations for leaving in company
with a party OF ecQuaintances
with whom he expected to make
the overland trip. He had Just
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09

crossed the gang-pank of the ferry-boat
with his friends when he suddenly
turned pale and exclaimed: "My God!
forgot something" He rushed back,
jumped into the carriage and ordered
the driver to hurry him to the palace.
When lie reached the hotel he dashed
up to his room. No servant bad as yet
entered il, and all was as when he left.
He quickly turned up the mattress. and
there was his money where he had put
1t. His satisfaction quite overbalanced
his annoyance at missing bis train and
friends, and he did not object hit at
waiting for the evening train, which he
took alone.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
In Haste.
New York Weekly.

New York Weekly.
Wife-Wait moment, my dear. 1
want you to mail letter. I'm most
through.
Husband-Important?
Wife-lndoed 1t Is. I sent telegram
to sister Lucy this morning, and now
I'm writing to the telegraph operator in
our town, telling him to hurry and de-
liver it,
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09

teresting collection of personal recollec-
tons with biographical memoranda
which could be supplied from no other
source. The work fairly bristles with
data, and will be of inestimable value IN
nXing many points of the early history
of Minnesota
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09

Observation-Disclosures, but
four or five times stronger.
Comfortable. A thumb
screw turns it up or down,
a hundredth part of an inch
if you please.
Without suspicion of
smell, like sunshine, and
moonlight.
It burns all night without
touching; and all the care
it requires every day is fill
ing and busting; once a
week the char rubbed off
the top of the week, and
once in six months a new
wick put in.
A common servant, or even
a child, can take care of it.
That is the pittsburgh"
Send for a primer.
Pittsburgh. Pc PITTSBURGH BRASS Co.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
Must Present Them Mt Once.

The Judges and clerks of election
must present their bills to the city clerk
before O'Clock tomorrow afternoon, or
else they must lay over month before
they are paid.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
AN EPITAPH.

Met a iaguar
In tho jungle.
Tried to baguar.
Made q bungie,
RIP,
-Nsw YoIk Sun.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09

~ . results, largest circulation and
NaR = most advantageous rates eIs
AES a given by the GLOBE, the great
hWant' medium.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
Col. Stevens Book,

Col. John FL. Stevens book has been
Issued, and 1t Is certainly highly In
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
Totals. ..l5.O44 1913 LIS
KOrtyaard'S plurality. 2. 0Oi

Totals. l4,473 1850 1857 1886
Armstrong; plurality. 1928.
The following are the results Of the
vote on boards:
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09

Shears Ground
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-09
BATTLEFIELD REFUSE.

McHale's plurality ....... ..........1.3v
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22

o weight, is, an doan wanter be no light
preacher. / wants tor be OF man dat Kin
STAN right dar an maui dem sinners till
da'l be er feered ter wink. I'll take de
heavy book, sah.o
Then he began search for the money.
from the toe of an old sock: then he found
q dollar under brick in the hearth; then
he found few dimes tied up in ban
dana handkerchief, and at last raised the
amount. The agent thankfully accepted
the money and departed. Old Williams
hand. unused: Brain, you better take err
little nap now, fur Use gwine ter pour some
mighty strong juice on you in or mint,
Use Rwlne ter edycate you SO you kin stan
fiat footed an kick er June apple outen de
top o er tree. Er, he, he, he" the old fell
open dar eyes when do sees young Marry
an Sue an Libby er standin' ober me wild
mulberry bushes er shooin' de buffalo gnat
an de sam fly or way frum dis yere coun-
tenance o mine: Come yere, book, I'll take
my fust lesson right now"
and occasionally rubbing his eyes. Night
came on and he lighted a lamp. Sometimes
he would shake his head doubtfuliy, and
then, mumbling as though he would force
himself to read, he would gaze at the
blurred letters. He went to bed late and
arose carly NJ mOIu1llk, AIlO .16lZ0U Vu0
book. Late in the afternoon he came in
from the cotton patch where he had been
irving to work, but he could scarcely see
the young plants. All he saw were lines Of
letters that seemed to kick and tumble over
each other.
Several days afterward. the shrewd agent,
while over in another neighborhood, came
upon an old negro that sat upon a log.
"How far is it to the ferry?" the agent
asked. -
dar on yo' back?"
Books. and, by the way, l might do some
business with you"
4 dunno. fur KANT read,'
"Oh, we can fix that. These books are
self teachers, and all you'd have to do
would be to look at one of them, and it
would teach you how to read"
s'Wall, we're, want one dem books, sho."
The agent put down his books, some
twenty in all, and, with suddenness that
was astonishing in 80 old man. the negro
snatched them up, and, leaping across the
road, removed handful of grizzly whiskers,
revealing the features of Knock Kneed
Williams.
"Hol on. Doan you come cross dis road
for eff you do I'll slice you inter shoe-strings.
You see l larned how ter read 80 much
outen dat book dat wants some mo-.
Been er tryin' ter ketch up wild you fur
some time.''
''Look here, old man,. said the agent,
that was all a joke, and if you will give
me back my books, will return the five
dollars
"Yas, sah vas, sab, reckon you will. but
you see halter have intrust on my money.
Glib me fifteen dollars an you may hab de
books. Doan glib me dat much and you
KANT git 'em. Try ter take 'em an slices
you. Is you comm ter timer"
II must have the books. Look here, am
sorry that treated you that way"
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22
The Monarch NJastodon.
Copyrighted.

Queen Jumbo will be here at Helena on
Wednesday, June %. The announcement
of the coming of McMahon's circus heralds
the advent of the largest animal known to
arenic features destined to create quite q
furore. The arrival of the mammoth ele-
plant in New York was the all absorbing
topic and subject of much newspaper COM
ment. The car arranged to bring her ma
jestic majesty from the Atlantic to the Pa
cific was found to be too low, causing few
days delay to enable the car builders to
raise the roof and lower the floor between
the wheels. It was then doubtful whether
the car could 90 through the tunnels en-
route. The movements of the big one
across the continent being telegraphed from
point to point caused much enthusiasm
crowds gathering at the stations only to be
as the weather was cold and
the mastodon could not be exposed.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22

FOURTH DAY-sATuRDAy, JULY6.
Faces for this day will be made up
during the meeting. In the event Of
any OF the above races, Running or
Trotting, not filling, others will be sub.
stituted.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22
NARCISSUS.

This white-leaved flower with heart Of gole
Delighted Homer long ago:
Yet Nature thinks it not SO old
But that it still with grace may grow.
Why. If the flower may bloom anew:
May not the flowers old legend too!
There was fountain, and around
Flowers and grass made happy ground;
And tall trees kept it cool and clear,
And never leaf or blossom fell
To mar that wonderful bright well :
Here many siumbrous summer day
Nalcissus came, and as he lay
Among the flowers and cool green grass,
He gazed and saw, as In q glass,
A beautiful. ld>clustered head,
bright young face of white and red.
Which, when he smiled, smiled back, and when
he fell a-wseplng wept again.
Often he leaned and sought TO kiss
The sweet mouth lifted up to his;
And oft n tried to clasp and draw
Within his arms the shape he saw.
Here grieving many summer day,
He droopad and slowly pinned away;
ahan CID of 9ys M Si he xa5 dead sd
That pretty face Of his. It's plain.
Brought him but little good or gain!''
Alas. how easily both good
Ard evil are misunderstood.
That which is best in US men blame;
Ihsy praise-and flush our cheeks with shaoA
In that clear spring among the trees
IT'S not himself karcissus sees.
All, no: self-worship meier could show
sueh ecstasv OF joy an i woe.
Who is it. ihsn, he bends above
With tears SO wild. such yearning love?
Whom does he strive To clasp and kiss?
Whose red mouth tEembles up to his.
That darling face. that gold-curled head,
Are not the living but tie dead.
The lads fair image is maid
His sweet twin sitter. who was laid
Last year beneath the lex shade.
The white snow fell. the cold wind blew,
The flowers died and size died too.
From boyhoed they less had been
Like twins than like one aoubiy seen,
They were SO favored and SO fair
That song and echo never were.
Nor morning star and evening star,
Mere ma5icaily similar.
And SO. nnhappily and be,iad
Narcissns pined and drooped and died;
Yet died not wholly-he became
The golden flower that bears his name.
And surrey never flower grew
From heart more tender or more true
Nor blossomed one from human mold,
More like to have heart of gold.
Q world. LET love &c slandered teach
Thy hAhbling t0ng0s more kindly speech,
-NiuiAn Canton in 6lackwoods UaRsiaA
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22
l sELF-READ|NG BOOK.
Knock Kneed williams Discouraged
!. in His Efforts to Be
Preacher,
His Experience with Book Agent
on Two Separate Occa-
eiona,
The SolE-Eduoatine Book as q Forerunner
Of the Idyllic Life Of =
Shepherd

Written for The SUNDAY IHDEPENDENT.]
Knock-kneed Williams, who some time
time ago took the premium for darkness of
complexion at fair held in fun-loving
neighborhood, was sitting in front of his
cabin, leaning back against the gourd vines,
when brisk-walkinR man, carrying load
of something strapped on his back, came up
and putting down his load, said:
"This is Mr.. Williams, l presume"
"You'se or mighty fine guesser ur some
body done tole you," the piece of premium
darkness answered.
"Well, Mr.. Williams, have called on
business that think will result greatly to
your advantage"
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22
What Do You Know

About tho Superb Pullman Dining Carr
which have been recently placed in service
VIA the Union Pacific. "The Overland
RouteT' They run on the fast Vestibule
Express between Council Bluffs and Denver
and on the Limited Fast Mali between
Council Bluffs aud Portland.
u you want 70 get aumptuous meal
while travelling, don't fail TO take the train
on which thess dinsrs run. Nsals, which
cannot q ssrpaned In any Of the frst-class
hotel IN IL county, are served in thsss
can at 76e eaeh.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22

You may have that for the same price,
An do it larn you how ter read. too?''
fOh. yes, just the same"
Lemme see which is the heaviest one. I
|nter git ez much ez kin fur de money.
It er mint till git dem ham scales an
CHS deze books
e went into the cabin and soon returned
IA pair of steelyards.
Now we'll see er bout de merits o. deze
KS. All. hah." he exclaimed. de las one
CHS de mos
Yes" said the agent. with great show
fairness. bat it has no pictures Of lambs
sheep"
oh. KANT hep dat sab. Il has got de
kht, an dats whut Use after. Pss er man
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22

'''0h, doan let dat bo9der you fur I amt
'plainin'. Use mighty we'll suited.'
''All right, I'll give you fifteen dollars
Give me the books. -
Filing me de money!
The agent wadded up fifteen dollars and
threw to him. The old man instead of
giving up the books took to his heels and
the agent has not seen him since.
OPIE p. READ.
Conuriphtod
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22

The Dates for the Circuit ~ Re.Arranged
Are rs Follows:
Mi souls, July 14-19-John L. Sloane
ecretGry.
D odge, July 22-8-Jas B. Nc
Ia. ter, Secretary.
A coda, August l 9-Wm. N. Thorn.
II, Secretary.
B IT,. August 12-20-E. w. Wynne,
retarE.
1.elena, August 23o-Frencis Pops,
Secretary.
The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-22

The Premium List is now in the
hands OF the printer and will DO
issued in few days. Send your
&c dress to the secretary for copy.
Everyone is invited to make an
Exhibit. No Entry F ZEE Required.
-ntries Close with SATURDAY.
the 22d. None will be received
AFTER that date.
EXHIBITS MUST BE in their
places by MONDAY EVENING,
Enrties fer all Trotting and Pac-
ing Races in the Circuit CLOSE
JULY 4.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1890-03-08
The Maryland Agricultural
College,

We commend to the special consid-
Grafton of our Senator and Delegates at
Annapolis, the character and Influence
of the petitioners who are asking of the
Legislature continued State aid as well
as a special appropriation for the bene-
fit of the Maryland Agricultural College
and experiment Station. We believe
there should be but one opinion as to
the practical value of this institution to
the large class of our people whom it is
intended to benefit, and whose interests
under its present management it is so
we'll calculated to promote. So long
as the college afforded Its pupils only
the benefits of classical or English
education, very serious questions might
arise as to the correctness of the policy
of maintaining such an institution at
the public expense, the best sentiment
on this subject being that the State
owes its citizens the Obligation only OF
good general rudimentary education.
But the establishment of an Agricultu-
raj Experiment Station, as an adjunct
to the college, both under the direction
and management of an educated farmer,
capable by study and experience of
applying the tests and experiments of
the college to the practical work of the
farm in the analyses of soils, the appli-
cation of artificial fertilizers, the adoption
of the most approved seeds for planting,
methods of tillage, and the equipment
of the pupil for the multifarious demands
of practical agriculture, commend it to
the intelligence and approval not alone
of our farming classes, but of all classes
of our citizens. As now organized, we
believe the college is IN position to
command the confidence OF the people