News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1890-03-27

Colored Boy-Coal dustI
Sue-Oh, Mamiel Pve big secret
for you. Fred and l are going to
elope.
Mamie-Does your mother know
your route?
Bristles-I have good mind to have
that barber arrested.
Downv-What has he done?
Bristles-Tried to draw my teeth
with his razor.
Grocer-What kind of tea did you
ask for, madam?
Customer-Five-o'c clock tea, please.
| hear that's the most stylish now
Munsey's Weekly.
Prisoner-Yes, your honor, it is true
that 1 was intoxicated last night; but
can explain all if your honor will give
me a little time.
His Honor-Ten days.
If the reflex achievement of the d.
vided skirt shall be to do away with
the ungraceful and vulgar habit OF
crossing the legs, we shall have scored
and unexpected triumph.
First Prob :bitionist-This bar of
President Morton's is a downright
shamei
Second Prohibitionist-I should say
so! The charge for drink Of whiskey
there is 20 cents.
"Halloa, what are you doing now?
practising law"
"Only practising? Why you were
practising 10 years ago. When are
you going to get it worked up into q
regular business.
Plumber have called with my
bill, sir.
Snodgrass (after an inspection)-
Your charge is very moderate, Pm
sure. Can you change a twenty, OIL
shall write check?
Customer-rd like to get about &c
cents worth of these cucumbers, if you
please.
Dealer in fine groceries, tropical
fruits, sc. with whitening scorn)-
Can't you afford to buy whole one.
Cumso-What made Briggs Il Co
fail?
Fangler-They bought too many
bananas and the price dropped on
them.
Cusmo-Bananas are bad things to
slip up on.
Customer Ito clerk in book-store) -
was to order some stationary tubs.
Clerk (surprised) This is the
wrong place, ma'am. We don't keep
them.
"Don't you? l thought this was a
stationery store"
There's good Methodist in Connec-
ticut, according to a religious periodi-
cal, who boxes the compass every time
he writes his full name and address.
He is Crandall j. North, New York
East Conference, 80 West ave., South
Norwalk, Conn.
Self-arrested prisoner s'For nea-
VEINS sake, your honor, send me some
where where can d some work I'm
dying from inactivity" The Judge
"Who are yOu" Prisoner-"Tm
Chauncey Eepew's cook, sir. He
hasn't b, Ell home to dinner for four
years. Judge.
"Perkins, had a dream about you
last night?"
"Pshaw. yol don't believe in
dreams, do you?"
81 don't know. | dreamed that you
would soon be millionaire"
'"That's encouraging. Dreams about
money always come true, l believe"
Miss Della Creme-What part did
you take in the amateur circus, Mr..
Fourun bred?
Mr.. Fourun Dred-I don't know what
you call it-musical adjunct, / suppose,
or something-anyway, the regular per-
former was sick, and | had to take his
place. l held the tin receptacle for the
organ grinder.
A woman who was in theatre in
Ashton, England, one night recently
became so excited by the machinat. ons
of the villain hat she threw her bon
net at him. Everybody in the audi
ence applauded her act, the gentleu an
who sat behind her being particularly
enthusia site in the expression of his
approval of it.
Tommy-"Pa, old Miss Yellowby
has just been here and brought you a
Christmas present-another pair of
slippers. That's the fourth pair you've
gotten. Why do people always give
preachers slippers and nothing else,
PAP" The rector-''Because preachers
sons are said to be worse than those of
anybody else, Tommy."-Life.
Judge-''What's the charge, officer?'
Officer-'Petty larceny, your honor"
Prisoner Gnterrupting)-''I beg your
pardon, judge-the charge is imperson-
ating an officer" .Judge-''How do
you make that out?' PIisoner-'I
took handful of peanuts and an
orange from a poor woman's staLd
without paying for them. Puck.
Diplomacy on the Bobtail. She was
to get her fare into the box
when the car gave lurch and her
money went down the neck of a gen.
tleman in front. The driver, after
for a moment the truggles
of the victim, re marked: eff de gint
don't want ter change his clothes afore
de public, h. can jist drop anldder
nickel in de box. Life.
She-"Oh, Henry, it's very easy to
see why you didn't enjoy the exposi-
ton. You wouldn't enter into what
was going on. You wouldn't leave
your native prejudices and ideas or life
behind you. While you were in Paris
you should have done as the Parisians
did" Henry-''Good heavens, how
could |? A man can't swindle and rob
can he ?"-L'fe.
He was waiting for her to come
down stairs, when the Terror saun-
5ered in. "Hello, my little mani
You're Miss Letitia's little brother.
aren't your Here's something to buy
candy with" "You'll excuse me. but
cannot accept nickel. am a
member of the Childlen's Amalpa-
mated Association for the Preservation
If High Tariff in Donations from
The lowest card-sc in