davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
FUNNY MEMS FANCIEs.
WRITTEN ZOE THE p1sPArcH.l


It is said that Stanley never alludes to
Emin as Emin Pasha, but as ''Emin, PshswP'
Never Tasted.-"Isn't she sweet?"
81 don't know - said Chappie sadly. she Ii
q taste have not been able to acquire"
A National Prejudice.-"Why do the
Germans object to trichinR, anyhow?''
',Because the Germans down on Parasites"
Too Much Water to be Nstural.-"Did
he die a natural death?"
.'What, the Colonel! No indeed. That il, NOT
for him. He died of dropsy."
A Nose for Jobbery.-A stroke of light
ming ran the whole length OF New York's new
acqueduct recently, probably looking for tie
steel there Is said to be in 1t.
She Probably Got it, Too.-Jones-Does
your wife try to be bossyY
smith-Oh, no; she is very moderate in her de-
mands. All that she asks is the last word.-ALe5
E. iStoeet.
An Idiosyncrasy of Language.-"That's
paradox"
t.What?''
.The man who lies to save his friend stands up
for him.
Not a sh-basin.-"There is one thing
I'm willing to wager will never be discovered IN
the Congo BASIN"
"whaE's thatr'
I'Soap. '-ThGd BuckdLsa0.
A Bad Break-''You Americans don't
know how to spell, ~ said Lord de Jinx. zone Of
YOUR most cultivated journals. speaking Of what
I suppose is your Congressional parade, spelled
it 'payraid' -ChotmondeLy HdreoHrT.
Cause and Efect.-"What does the doctor
say you've got9''
81 think he said it was lum oerago."
'sWell, told you to let John split the wood.
You never will do as tell you.
Tn oklahoma.-"Good news, good news"
cried the prisoners counsel. ''You've been In
dicted for murder.
s.You call that good news?''
..CertI They might have indicted you for TAX
inc the horse. and then your goose toouL6 have
been cooked. ''-Asnry II. Hdrkness.
Answering a Correspondent.-Mrs. B.
vvrltss me: 81 am embtoldering, or rather, am
going to embroider. beautiful motto to hang in
our parlor, but have a dispute with my husband
as TO what it shall be. The only point on which
we agree is to leave it to you. What motto DO you
suggest?'
1nswer-'Fight On. ''AIe1 e. Stcest.
Wished He Was a Rabbit.-Johnny
Dumpsey docking up from HIS arithmetic with
sighj-Oh. papa, how wish was a rabbit!
Mr.. Dumpsey-IndeedI And why would you
like TO be a rabbit, my son?''
JOHNNY Dumpsey-BecauseI was reading book
to-day which said that they multiplied with
astonishing rapidity.-PGut Pastnor.
THE UNATrAINABLE,
It is hard 10 make whistle Of a grunting
porker's tail,
Isis hard to make purse out of his ear;
1t Is hard to make successes when the other peo-
pie fail,
It's hard to seem a youth when In the sere.
But all these things are easy is falling OF log
When compared with that employment weird
and wild,
or sitting in the nursery with ones senses all agog
In devising schemes that can anuse child
Carlyle SnstA.7
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
The Philadelphia Inquirer repeats 1t.

The Philadelphia Inquirer repeats its
assertion that Ex-Governor Pattison sis
charged with wasting half q million dollars in
trying to destroy Samuel ]. Randall" No one
with any respect for the facts charges him with
It. The men who wasted the money were the
members of the Legislature who refused to
perform the duty enjoined on them by the
Constitution and which Governor Pattison
called them together to perform. The people
who refused to perform their legislative duties
must be held responsible for the waste Of time
and money; otherwise we would have to charge
the Constitution of the United States with
the cost of the present Congress, including the
conversion of the surplus into deficiency.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

IT is reported of Queen Victoria that she
tried to read Henry Georges Progress and
Poverty" but gave it up after the first two
chapters because Of its exceeding ponderous
ness. Her Majesty's literary tastes are evil
IDENTIFY in favor of something light and airy,
like the Court Chronicle and Life in the
Highlands" But if she finds Henry George
ponderous, it is evident that she could never
succeed in reading the editorials of those faith
full Tory organs the London Times and Stand
<r.rd
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
Crushed In Enrfh.

From the Boston Herald.1
A native Southerner, who is also o strong Re-
publican, writes to the Aduerttser of this city
from Savannah, Ga, that the Republicans of
the South would certainly be crushed to
earth in attempting in that State to defend the
Lodge bill. 1t is now entirely apparent that
this is purely politicians bill and that 1t must
fail altogether Of its professed purpose.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

Mr.. CHAUNCEY M. DEPEw is reported
to have left Homburg, quietly. Whether this
was done to escape the pernicious activity of
correspondents who persisted IN asking
him for his position on the strike; or
whether Chauncey has started home to
make grand coup by settling the strike on his
arrival is not known; but If something of the
latter sort does not develop in few days we
may conclude that the Depew Presidential boom
is indefinitely postponed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

"THE opposition to the use of cottonseed
oil as food will some day in the future rank
with the objection two centuries ago to the use
of the potato" remarks the Philadelphia Press
in connection with the debate on compound
lard in Congress. True enough; but we may
still be permitted to hope that the future will
have honesty enough to retain the objection to
the sale Of cottonseed oil under the fraudulent
pretense that 1t is pure lard or genuine olive OIL
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

LoscH's disposition to talk out in meet
ing il regarded by the Philadelphia Press as
even more obnoxious than Quay's interference
with the House programme. Both, however,
are reprehended by the Press with such vigor
as would indicate that it had never committed
the crime of independence.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
MIR. BOwELns NOVEL TRIP.
A Minister of the Crown Who Will Journey
Over n wild Tract.

OTTAWA, August 2S-Next week the Hon.
Mackenzie Bowel, Minister of Customs. will
leave on what may be considered one of the
most novel trips ever undertaken by Minister
of the crown. Last year he spent several weeks
in travelling along the boundary in Manitoba
and the Territories for the purpose of ascer-
tanning the frontier requirements in the way of
customs ouIposts
Mr.. Bowel now proposes to resume the trip
At the point where it was discontinued last year
through the wilds OF British Columbia to the
Pacific coast. While the route through the
Crows Nest Pass is pretty well known Mr..
Bovell,s party in order to avoid making de-
tour of 100 miles, propose to strike across the
Purcell and Selkirk ranges by q route never
surveyed, and which is practically unknown
It Is believed that large amount of smuggling
is going on both ways between Washington
State and British Columbia, and an effort Is to
be made to check il.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
aLLEcHENY,s NEW DIGNITY.

Allegheny is city of the second class in
everything but official title. The
census returns have been published showing
Allegheny to have population of more
than one hundred thousand. The Governor
Of the State alone. can give the necessary
authority for the proclamation Of the city's
new dignity, and petition has been cir
culated asking Councils to procure Cover
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

THE fact that New York has lost her for:
mer commanding influence in the Senate, is
lamented by the st. Louis Globe Democrat with
the following explanation: ''She lost her grip
when she let Conkling 90 and has never been
able to regain it." But should respect for his
torical accuracy impel the esteemed Globe
Democrat to make the statement that CoDkling
let himself 60, and was then unable to regain
his grip while Tom Platt after the same act
regained his grip on the machine but not on the
Senatorship?
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

SOME far Western producers find it
cheaper to ship by wagon train than by rail
where there is no competing lime. If the roads
there were like Pennsylvania highways, the
producef would be at the mercy OF the corpora
fians
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
TIE announced intention of o. G. Bar.

THE announced intention of o. G. Bar
Der, of the Diamond Match Company, to es-
tablish plant at Charleroi for the manufac-
ture of soda ash, an article SO much needed by
glassmakers, will be hailed with satisfaction
by all interested in the latter industry. The
scarcity of this valuable material in recent
years adds to the value it will be to the owners
Of glass-naking plants to have it right at their
doors, instead of having to purchase it Of the
Rothschilds.>
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

SILVER has eased off little during the
past few days, but the quotation makes the
bullion value of silver dollar now worth Gle,
or I7c more than before silver legislation. So
far the gain from the silver bill is for the
benefit of the silver mine owners. It remains
to be seen whether there will be any general
benefit for the public at large from it.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

THE cholera in London and Japan should
impress our quarantine authorities with the
necessity of keeping close watch at both the
Eastern and Western gateways of this country
to see that it does not get in from either
direction.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

reputed to habItually 20 about the streets Of
civilized community armed with murderous
bowie knife, with the additional reputation Of
having cut two or three men to pieces with 1t.
On one of these occasions there wasn't enough
of his victim left whole to tell where he wasn't
hacked or stabbed. Here on Broadway this
dark and gloomy figure 10 pointed out as
curiosity Of great interest
Casting on the Gloom.
THE visitor who has not been in New York
since last winter will meet with surprise
when he comes again. The old mahogany. the
browns and red-and-golds which rendered dark
and gloomy the main corridors and dining
rooms of the principal hotels have given place
this summer TO old ivory whites and light butf>.
etc.. of newer date and lighter and more
cheerful description.
CHARLES T. MURRAY.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

Voluntary contributors should Keep copies OF
articles. II compensation is desired the price
erpected must be named. The courtesy Of re-
turning rejected manuscripts tOiH be extended
ichen stamps for that purpose are enclosed but
the Editor of THE DISPATCH iDiu under no
circumstances be responsible for the care Of af'-
solicited manuscripts.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
TERMS OF THE DIsPAToa.

THIS issue of THE DISPATCH contains
go pages, made up of THREE PARTS.
Failure on the part of Carriers, Agents,
NewsdeaIers or Newsboys TO supply pa
irons with n Complete Number should be
promptly reported TO this Office.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

EXACTLY how Mr.. Wolfe's vote may be
cast will be uncertain until we hear from that
gentleman the day after election; but he has
managed to give the public some very solid
reasons why other voters should support Pat
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
A Ronst All Around.

From the Chicago Trlbunel
Poor Ksmmler is avenged. The eminent
scientists who roasted him are now roasting
each other.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

WHEN the baseball season ends and Con-
gress adjourns. a Thanksgiving Day proclama-
ton will be in order.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

POSTAGE-AH persons who mail the
Sunday issue of The Dispatch to friends
should bear In mind the fnct thut the post
age thereon is Two C2) Gents. All double
and triple number copies of The Dispatch
require n 2-ceut stamp to insure prompt
delivery.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

The latest news from Washington con-
firms the report that Quay is very much on top
in the Senate.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

THE cool wave of August is almost as
extreme as the hot waves Of July. Our weather
should learn the value of happy medium
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

SEALsKIN bathing suits will have to be
worn If the cold wave fingers on the beaches
few hours longer.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

nor Beavers action in the matter, Prepar-
alton for the next election cannot be made
until this is done. and there should be no
further delay about it.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
A Man With a Bowie.

THE curious figure of GenerallRiber Il never
knew what he was general of), of st. Louis,
was noticed On Broadway the other day. Rider
is a short, sqtarely built, dark complexioned
man with long, stringy, greasy looking black
hair-appareptly a wig-deep set. small eyes,
and always wears black clothes. He would at
tract attention almost anywhere. He certainly
attracts it here. HIS black coat is buttoned
be IN the nlneties. Under that coat Is probably
q 12inch bowie blade. 1t is strange what
fascination for many people there Is In man
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

T HERE is snug room in an old-fashioned
Broadway building that could tell pretty
story Of metropolitan life. It Is the headquar-
ters of well-known dancing master. Now
there are dancing masters and dancing mas
ters. This one is specialist, his line being
professional ladies. On his list during this
season of rehearsals are some of the most
charming and best known soubrettes of the
American stage. Every modern soubrette
must know how to sing and dance, and she
must do both reasonably well. To be sure it
is purely variety business; but what is farce
comedy now adays but the real old-fashioned
variety. This master prepares, polishes, edu-
Gates the heel-and-toe ladies who Just now have
charge of the amusement-going world and the
American drama. Some of his pupils are
young beginners, some are being nodded over
TO suit the public taste, some are rubbing mn
previous knowledge and adding new steps to
their repertoire for the opening of the theatri-
cal season.
The master is a middle-aged gentleman, and
the room is not an imposing one. In fact, it is
scarcely suited to such business, but it goes
The pupils haye to content themselves with
retiring room consisting of small corner and
a curtain. As they have only an hour each and
succeed each o., her closely there is lively work
to prevent the treading upon each others heels.
One pupil is practicing jigs reels. etc., another
negro breakdowns and walkarounds, another
the kicking act, and another more artistic
work. In this they differ from the ballet, and
in this line of instruction the master differs
from the ordinary ballet master.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24

Vol. IS No. 19s.-Enterec at Pittsburg Postomce,
November Il, 1857. as second-clAss matter.
Business Ofhce--Corner Smithfield and
Diamond Streets
News Rooms and Publishing House--fo'
77and 7e Diamond Street
EASTERN ADVERTISING OFFICE Roohn.
TRIBUNE BUILDING, NEW fOhh, wnere
complete files of THE DISPATCH can Always oe
,ound. Foreign advertisers appreciate the con-
renience Home advertisers and friends oil The
DISPATCH, while in New York, are also made
welcome.
THE DISPATCH Is regularly on safe
Brentano's, Uaion Square, NeD York, and
II Ave. de Opera. Parts, France. Uhers any
one spho has been disappointed al q hotet
se1Us stand can obtain IL
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-24
How the Stage Grows.

IF theatrical matters are occasionally touched
upon in this correspondence it is because
that which pertains to the stage is one OF the
most important features of New York life.. At
this moment there is not theater or public
hall of any kind in the city which is not occu-
pied once or twice daily by companies rehears-
ing for the seasons work. The city of Brook
lyn is called upon to furnish additional accom-
modations and some companies have to go over
to Jersey City for rehearsal. There are fully 800
companies here now rehearsing. They en-
brace some 5000 people. 1t is probable that
than ever before. They comprise everything
that is good. bad and Indifferent Many will 90
to pieces the first fortnight some will do good
business, but most of them will drag out the
season with average fair eanings, lacking
only in some leading particular the full meas
ure of success.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1890-08-01
EDITORS MAKE CONGRESSMEN.
New York Sun.

New York Sun.
In nine cases out of ten, If not
in 80 cases out Of 100, the origin of
the political movements which
produce results and count in his
tory is i'll the newspaper Offices OF
the party, and net in the halls Of
committee rooms of Congress or
the private conferences and eau
cuses OF Representatives and Sem
ators. II is the politicians that
watch the newspapers for inspec-
ton and ideas, not The editors the
politicians and this is as true on
one side of the party line as on the
other.
In nine cases out Of ten, if not in
80 cases out of a 100, the first per-
son to perceive The importance Of
political opportunity, the first
person to enunciate a proposition
which the whole country soon will
be discussing, The author Of the ar
gument that will soon be heard IN
various phrase0logy from the floor
of the Senate or The floor of the
House, the man, in short, who sets
the ball a-rolling, is the editor and
not The Congressman. The states
man temporarily in Washington
is himself, 10 a certain extent,
creation Of the newspaper press.
He watches and follows far more
than he is watched and followed.
His voice is the echo rather than
the original vibration. His speech
es in the Congressional Record,
whether he recognizes the fact or
not. are furnished to him ready
made by those who stand closer
than no does 10 public opinion, and
who exert a double influence in
that they make public opinion and
move with il and in il when il is
made. In the commerce Of politics
the American editor is the produc-
er aud the American Congressman
the middle man.
These remarks are so true that
they may seem commonplace TO
those who understand the philOso-
ply of initiative and know where
the handspring Of political action
is situated.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1890-08-01
F.M. .B. COOK ASSASSINATED.
A REPUBLICAN POLITICIAN RIDDLED
WITH BUCKSHOT.
He Makes an Incendlary Speech In Jasper
County, MISS, and Found
Dead Seen After.

MERIDIAN, Miss, July 25.-The
killing OF f. VI. B. Cook, in Jasper
county, has created more interest
than anything that has occurred in
this section in years. The killing,
it is said, was not unexpected,
since Cook for some time past has
made himself offensive 10 the
white people Of the county, in
Guiding even the members Of his
own family and that Of his wife,
all Of whom excepting Cook, are
Democrats. Cook himself was a
Democrat till 1881, when he came
out as an independent candidate
for chancery clerk. Since then he
has affiliated with the Republican
party, though through his extreme
methods he lost The support of lhe
best white Republicans of the
county. This left him the support
only of the negroes who are in the
minority in that county. Since
1881 he haa been a constant candi-
date for oGice. Last year he an
nounced himself 4 candidate foI
congress in opposition to Ander-
son, the present representative oi
the fifth district. He made nc
canvass, but he filed a notice oil
contest but not being backed by
the Republican State executive
committee he did not prosecute
the contest. After the seating Of
several Republican members from
the South, he frequently expressed
regret that he did not prosecute
his claim on the ground that il
was easier TO be counted In than il
was to be elected. AT the time O
his death he was "A candidate fol
The constitutional convention anC
had been making an active can
vass among he negroes, speaking
to them every day and night. Hi
speeches became so inflammation,
in character the white people 70
some time have apprehended tina
trouble might follow. Cooks fam
lily stand well as one oi the bes
known in the county. His wife !
postmistress al Heidelberg, wher'
he was buried to-day quietly ant
without any demonstration.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1890-08-01
SMILE WHENEVER you CAN.

When things don't go to suit you,
And the world seems upside down,
Don't waste your time in fretting,
But drive away that frown;
Since life is oft perplexing,
'ris much the wisest plan
To bear all trials bravcly
Aud smile whene'er you can.
Why should you dread the morrow,
Aud thus despoil to-day 7
For when you borrow trouble
You always have to pay.
1t is a good old maxim,
Which should be ofteu preached
Don't cross the bridge before yon
Until the bridge is reached.
Yon might be spared much sighing
If you would keep in mind
The thought that good and evil
Are always here combined.
There must bc something wanting,
And though you roll in wealth,
You may miss from your caskct
That precious jewel-health.
And tho you're strong and sturdy,
You may have an empty purse
(And earth has many trials
Which consider worse);
But whether joy or sorrow
Fill up your mortal span,
Twill make your pathway brighter
To smile whene'er you can.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1890-08-01
CHANCERY COURT-SECoND DIST.
sYLvANUS EVANS. Chancellor.

In the county Of Eauderdale. on the first Monday
Of Januaiy and July, and continue twelve days.
In the county OF Newton. on the third Monday
ofJanuary and July and continue six DAYS
1.-THE county Of Hancoek, on the first Monday Of
sbruary and August and continue six days.
In the county of Harrison, 0n the second Manday
sfFebruary and August. and continue six days.
In the county of jackson, on the third Monday
Of February and August, and continue six daya .
In tho county of Clarke. 0n the first Monday Of
March and September and continue six days. :
In the county of Jasper, en- the second Monday
Of March and September and continue six days.
In the county Of Perry, on the thir Monday of
March and September, and continue six days.
In the county of Marion. First District, on the
third Monday Of May and November and continue
plH days. In the Second District on the second
Monday of May and November and continue six
DAYS.
In the county of Jones, on the first Monday of
April and October. and continue six days.
In the county of COvinEton. on the second Mon
day In April aud October, and continue ak days.
In the county Of Greene, on the third Monday of
April and October. and continue six days.
In the county of Smith, on the fourth Monday of
April and October, and continue six days.
In the county of Wayne. on the first Monday OF
MAY and November and continue six days