The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-07-08
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Showing That Editorial Machinery
Sometimes Slips a Cog.

We extract the following from the
latest issue Of the Arizona Kicker, which
cam out On a hall sheet:
ExPLANAToRY.-We owe our readers
an apology for the half sheet we were
obliged to issue this week. Monday
morning, as we entered the postoffce after
our mail, which, by the way, is five times
as large as that Of any other establishment
in Arizona, the postmaster came out into
the corridor and demanded a personal
apology for what the Kicker said about
him last week. In our pioneer days,
when we lived on roots and haden't
a second shirt to our back, we used to
get down and crawl whenever requeste".
We felt that we had to. We were a
tenderfoot and lacked sand. A change
came. We haven't Deer doing any creep
ing for the pas5 two years. On the con-
trary, we have had the revolver and the
other man has done the four legged act.
Therefore, when the postmaster de-
manded an apology, and took us by the
ear to enforce obedience, we lit onto him
with the weight Of two tons, and had
him hollering for mercy inside Of two
minutes Before letting him up WE took
his gun away, and in the same manner it
was discharged, and the bullet went
through the palm of our right hand. The
wound will prevent our using the pen
for some weeks, and we must dictate our
copy.
MORE FxPLANAToRY.-The postmaster
has a brother named Jim, who is a
lJafer from way back. We stated
last week that we believed he stole money
letters from the mails, and the statement
seems to have put some "git" into him.
After we had licked his brother ana got
back to the office Jim came sneaking down
the street and fred at US through a win
dow. He had a shot gun, but he fired
so high that no one was touched, and he
was out of sight before we got to the
door.
In a few days we are going on a hunt
for jim. We shall locate him AID walk
in on him and slice off his ear and nail it
on our Office door. Let him accept this
| notice as fair warning of our intentions.
While he diden't hit US with any OF his
buckshot, the idea Of such a chuckaloo
firing at US with intent to kill ratified our
nerves and sent US to bed when we ought
to have been getting out copy.
FURTHER EXPLANATORY.-SOme three
weeks ago a wild eyed guyastutus en-
tered this town by the dirt road and
struck US for a " sit" He gave the name
of J. Melville Graham, and claimed to
have furnished all the brain fodder for
most Of the New York papers for the last
ten years. AS he offered to work for 81
per week and buy his crackers and cheese
from our grocery, we didn't question
him as closely as we otherwise might.
He had worked two days when we got
hurt, and what did the lop cared brother
of a hyena do but go off and get drunk
and lay down just where Col. Ravens
drove Of mules would run over him in
going to water? He was trampled out
of sight into the sand, and on top of our
other troubles we had to hire him dug
out and buried. But for his kick-over
we could have issued a full sheet and got
it out on time. We've had him carted
off to one corner of our private burying
ground, arc shall mark his grave; but we
don't mourn.
THE LATEsT.-If our readers are not
satisfied with the above explanations W
have another to fire at them. Owing {,
our wounded hand we could not do i
stroke of writing. We could dictate,
however, and we hired young Bill Ellis,
son of Old Reprobate Ellis, to act as our
amanuensis. We had dictated about half
a column when he differed with US on
how to spell cordial" He insisted that
it was L" corjul," and rather than see the
English language knocked out we ceased
debating, fred Bill out and gave an old
tramp printer $40 and told him to 60
ahead and run out half a sheet. It's all
we could do under the circumstances,
and we beg the indulgence Of our sub
scribers. Next week we shall be all
right, and we promise an issue of the
Kicker which will make the sand fly in
fifty directions.-DetrOH Free Press.