Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-05-26
The worlds fair-Women.


To remove the widows weeds: say
"Wilt thou?"
tight shoe ON a deaf-mute's foot
causes untold suffering.
There is no politics in morality and lit
tie morality in politics.
How beautiful are the feet of her that
bringeth in a good dinner.
1t ne'er should our surprise inspire
when false notes issue from the Tyre.
Well, Browne, how do you find your
self? Never lose myself. If I did, sup
pose I'd advertise.
Did you collect the bill of that painter?
No; went to his studio. but when got
there he was an unseen painter.
Tom Tucker-Why is kiss like SER
mon? Jack Horner-Because it requires
two heads and an application.
A young man CHANGED to say Il am no
prophet" A spiteful girl added: True;
no profit to yourself or any one else
You see." communed the dog fancier,
as he muzzled the animals previous to
docking them, ''it's heads 1 win, tails you
lose"
A Boston paper thinks that the reason
why so few editors are afflicted with
writer's cramp is that scissors seldom
produce cramp-
She (facetiOuSly)-I suppose you call
your horse Cupid because he's such a love
of horse? He-Not exactly. You see,
he's blind.
Il understand that Little Lord Faun-
tleroy' was taken from life" "Was he?
Well, have no doubt that the poor little
fellow was happy to 60"
Mrs. L. Con deck)-Rufus, have the
children come up yet? Rufus (who liz
having a hard time but they are
the only things of mine that haven't.
Ignorant Maiden-Mr. Marshare must
be a model husband. Why so? Because
he is so attentive to other women, you
know, he must be a perfect slave to his
Wife
Maud-SO you are going to marry your
fathers cashier? Isabella--Yes. Pa says
that if he runs away with the banks
funds, the money will still be in the fam
lily.
Teacher-What's the matter? Boy
Back is sore, ma'am. Teacher-What
made it sore? Boy-Pop pounded his
thumb with a hatchet this mornin' an 1
laughed.
"My frien's' said a colored preacher,
"a mans character is like fence-you
can't strengthen it by whtewash, though
you can cover up the places where it is
wormeaten."
A melting sermon being preached in a
country church, all wept except one man,
who being asked why he did not weep
with the rest: "Oh." said he, s'I belong
10 another church."
Wife, declare, Fred, | am almost
ashamed to go out with this hat on. 1t
isn't at all the style. Fred-Is this Bridg-
cts day outi Wife-No. Fred Then
why don't you borrow hers?
preacher once said that ladies were
very timid. They were afraid to sing
when they were asked; afraid of taking
cold; afraid of snails or spiders-but he
never knew one afraid to get married.
chow came you to fail in your examin-
ation?7 asked the tutor; Il thought
crammed you thoroughly "Well, you
see," replied the student, "the fact was,
you crammed me so tight couldn't get
it out"
''HOw can 1 tell the sort of parasol you
require?' the tradesman was heard re-
marking to Miss Marnford, ''when you
do not give the shade ''Silly man! ex-
pect the parasol to do that" was the re-
ply
(Which side of the street do you live
on, Mrs. Kipple?" asked counsel, cross
examining q witness. SON either side
If you 90 one way it's on the right side /:
and If you go the other way, it's on the
left"
Near-sighted Old Gentleman-Can YOU
tell me what that inscription is on that
board over there? Resident-Sure, Dim
In the same boat, sorl Twas mighty lit
tie SchooIin' OF hod whir OF was II hye
mesilf
Clar Did YOU ever see any one like
old Mrs Bentley. She Il fDrty If she's a
tiav did, anil just look at her with that
light green dress made for girl of six
teen. Maud-That's all right. She's
taking Brown-Sequard's elixir, and it
hasn't begaa to work well yet.