Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-07-20
MIDSUMMER MUSINGS.
The Peculiarities and Methods Of
the Ministerial Tramp.
MISTAKE OF A TEMPERANCE MAN.
A Good Yankee Parsons Overdose Of
Plum Pudding Sauce.
SUICIDE FROM THE LOFTY TOWERS
WRITTEN FOB THE DISPATCH I

| WRITTEN FOR THE DIsPATcH.1
A famous humorous writer, in recent
interview with DISPATCH reporter, made
the assertion that the most difficult part of
his work was to find a new subject to write
upon. and that good suggestion was worth
a round sum of money. Nearly every new
literary aspirant imagines that his mind is
SO prolific that it will be perpetual spring
of elusive ideas. When he gets down to
hard work he finds that somehow or other
his brain does not pan out to the full meas
ure of his expectancy. At this season of
the year when the newspaper reader is apt
to be suffering from inertia it is peculiarly
difficult to find a subject that shall at the
same time be neither ponderous in proper
| tions nor so frivolous as to have no lesson in
it. When the aforesaid difficulty presents
itself is it not well to do as does the econom-
ical housewife, and serve up dish of hash,
made as palatable as possible by pepper and
spices?
No class Of men is so easily gulled as the
country parson. Very often he know ws but
little about the world.and its many shams.
A long face, glistening tear and doleful
voice will generally open his slender pocket
book. This is the season when the minis
terial tramp takes the road, and with list
OF printed recommendations supposed to be
from clergymen of different denominations
manages to exc out living from the soft
hearted, if not soft-headed, rural ministry.
He is glib of tongue, is this tramp; we'll
| versed in the Scriptures, and is sure to have
a leaning toward the denomination to which
you belong, although he himself is not de-
nominational, but evangelistic. He strictly
follows the scriptural injunction in not pos
sesslng second coat. His collar is usually
a secondhand celluloid that looks as if it
had been exhumed from the tomb of old
| Rameses II. He can pray like seraph,
and "brother" and SISTER the country
| folks till they look upon him as an un
washed angel. He generally has some
| physical trouble which keeps him out of ac-
| tive pastoral service. A little collection
from the people, and few square meals
from the minister's larder, and he is gone to
gull some other verdant flock.
Little Ministerial Failing.
The outside world is probably not aware
of the fact that there is vast amount of
jealousy among ministers. DO not mean
ministers of different denominations espe-
cially, but those who are of the same
feather. The inside doings of some minis
terial conferences, if revealed to the general
public, would create astonishment at times.
If the angels are permitted to look down
from their exalted abode in high heaven,
assuredly they must often weep. The city
SD. will snub tine plain country ssRey."
The aged patriarch will look with lofty
mien upon the young minister, and con-
descend to give him the tips of his fingers
to squeeze if the pressure is not too
tight: Ah, they are human, these somber-
robed men. Among company of
clergymen of any size will be found
gusher, who takes everybody in his arms;
the cold iceberg, whose clammy metaphysi-
cal hand is frigidly forbidding; the portly,
fatherly, smiling brother. who kindly pats
the young man-on the shoulder and encour-
ages him. Then there is the self important
dude who pastors the fashionable church,
wears immaculate linen and talks with a
delightful squeaky lisp. As a class these
men are jovial, good-natured and kind, but
nevertheless there ale circumstances when
they become jealous of each other, Just as
the disciples did in the old days.
remember attending an ordination coun-
Gil in Northeastern New York some years
ago, where an incident took place illustra-
tive OF the lack of chemical knowledge on
gathered. The subject of stimulation was
the topic of the hour at the dinner table,
One good brother was wonderfully profuse
in his condemnation of anything of an alco-
holic character. He did not believe that
there could be any circumstance which
would justify a minister in partaking of
alcohol stimulants. He never did and
never would. He did not believe that
sermon preached under the influence,
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would ever be beneficial. He
didn't care about the Bible Injunction:
"Give strong drink to him that is ready to
faint" When asked what he would do
when cold, wet and exhausted, he replied
that he would take q good strong dose of
Jamaica ginger. He frequently 1ndulged
in it, and it gave him new life and warmed
him up for the time being. Considering tine
fact that Jamaica ginger is little else than
plain, crude alcohol, was not this a lament
able display of Ignorance? When told that
the thing he condemned constituted about
nine-tenths of his favorite "tipple," he was
SO nonplused that the subject of total ab-
stinence was reIegated to the rear for the
time being.
A Yankee Parsons Puddine Sauce.
Some years Ego, while visiting England,
heard good story. Our British cousins
are great on plum pudding, a combination
of currants, raisins, -four, suet, candied
peel, and goodness knows what else. Any
how, it makes delicious dish. It is thecus-
tom almost invariably to favor the pudding
with a sauce in which brandy plays large
part 1t was Christmas time. and no Christ
mas is complete in England without plum
pudding. An American clergyman, who
had very strong predictions on the sioe of
temperance, and who was loud and unspar-
ing in his denunciation of those who ini-
bibed. was invited to take dinner in an old
English home on Christmas day. After
the national roast beef aud South
down leg of mutton had been dis |
pensed with, the plum pudding came
steaming hot upon the table. All |
eyes glistened. An Englishman is never so
full that he cannot eat plum pudding. Our
American friend was riding his hobby of |
total abstinence during the meal, to the |
evident annoyance OF some of the guests. |
He was in turn helped to the pudding and |
sauce quite literally. His eyes soon began |
to sparkle. His praise of the dish was very
fattering to the housewife. A second and |
third time he was helped, and eagerly |
partook of the toothsome dish. Finally, |
being asked if he would not take little |
more, he replied: "Well, no, 1 guess not;
not any more pudding. but would not OBJ |
ject to little more of that delicious sauce"
He got 1t, and while not FULLY under
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