Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1890-01-10
A Tony Landlord.

Eighty-siX miles beyond Denver, the
year before the first railroad went through,
four of us San Francisco passengers on the
overland stage, alighted in front of the
Occidental Hotel" Quilt of logs. With
pants resolutely tucked in his boots, and
determinedly fastened to his waist with II
belt in which WAS vehement revolver;
check shirt and slouch hat, POLITICALLY on
one ear, the afiable host came out, kicking
II hound off the step, To receive us. His
size commanded respect.
Gentlemen said he, as he shook hands
with each of ua, "allow me to welcome
you to this hosPtable hostelry. The
bridge is gone at the river below and you
can't get over till il is fixed some time to
morrow You will abide with me and I
with you, aud you bet wen share and share
alike in all we've got if We have to cut II
pnnkin. We are far out, but you sha'n't
find us way of. Step right up this port
cochere (sab platform) and don't stop to
use the scraper; follow me through this
portal (slab door To which the latch string
is never out of fix, unless il happens to be
drawn in; step right up To this ornate
counter (board on two barrels) aud place
your royal names upon this accommodating
register "a medical memorandum book
while | call our caterers attention (Sal
get grub for four ON ditD.
Now, me lords, please atep out into the
layatory (the whole wide world and pro-
cccd To perform your ablution8 in uncon
taminatcd water dipped from the creek i'll
vessels of the purest plated ware (tin
basins), aud there are the lrescoed napkins
(picces of former table cloth) on that rack
(wooden plug) Now please walk in. There
il the mirror (northeast corder of small
looking glass; aud comb (too shy 10 show
ita teeth).
"Sit up here by the register, friends
(stoye clear ont Of doors), for the evening
zcphyrs are chilly, and take the frost out Of
your feet. But first, gents, stroll into the
bar-room (dry goods box and take II
supper inyigorator (mountain avalanche).
What, water1 Gum, it'll take all the taste
out
The gong (spoon raped on crock
sounds your rejection il ready; come over
into the dining room (southeast corner Of
room) aud take chairs (sawed off logs) at
the table de hotc (two slabs on trestles).
Excuse our menu. il is not printed yet, but
you see before the bill of fare Gold bacon,
corn bread, hominy, macEeral and chicory
Coffee, the tcrrapin and oysters haven't
got here to be in season yet. No toasts,
gentlemen, are permitted ut the table; you
must adjourn 10 the bar for them and the
speeches. Gents, don't be aparing with
the napkins (our handkerchicfD, they seem
to be plentiful"
Later on IA we were tired we intimated
a desire t. retire early. Said the landlord,
"Wait till | light the chandelier (tallow
candle in block of wood aa the gas is all
out. Now come up the elevator Oadd,r in
cornorJ; don't stumble and fall up stairs
Select your own rooms, gedtlcmen (beds
all in one room, divided by chalk marks),
aId don't oyerbalance yourselves aud fall
against the partitions or you'll disturb your
neighbor. repair I" your u"why couches
(straw ticks on planks); just manipulate
this electric annunciator on the floor Ga
hickory club or telephone down the shaft
(trap door You want anything, but don't
make miastep aud tumble down with the
message. Good night"
The next morning we found the landlord
was II great reader of high toned. low
priced novels and had got on TO the swing
At o'clock We got of with our lives.
Detroit Free Press.