davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
IN A HUMOROUS WAY.

"And that stout son of yours, what is be
doing?''
',He's hammock tester.r-Esr0 York Sun.
Closefist-Have a cigar, Lavish?
Lavish-No. thanks.
Closehst-You don't think smoking a sin. do
you?
you smoke.-JeSter.
Mr.. Rapid-Did you recognize the lady
who smiled at US as she passed?
Mr. Gayboy-No. 1 do not remember to have
ever seen her before.
Mr. Rapid-I thought not. She is your wife,
Strings.
A Small Wife.-Dumpsey - Blobson's
wife Is very small, isn't she?
PopinJay-Yes; you would hardly believe It but
1 have heard 1t said that she goes through his
pockets every night. burlington Free Press.
Doctor Ito patient)-I do not wish to
fri0hten Won. butif you have objection I'd like
to call In couple of my brother physicians.
IrascibIe Patient-An right If you need any
assistance in numbering me, call in your accom-
plices.-Sgttn0s
"A New Excuse.-"Can't you settle that
account now, sirg''
''Why. mailed you the money long ago."
sIneyer received It.''
'We ell. saw IN the newspapers that letters con-
tanning $35, 900 have gone to the Dead Letter
Ofice in the last II months. Yours must be among
them, See the Governments about t."-Ths
Epoch.
Waiter-Will you gentlemen have your
coffee now. or later onI
Guest-We viii take 1t right now.
Waiter-Iwa just going to say If you wanted it
right away you will have to wait about hall an
hour.-SVtfn9s.
Visitor Ito prisoner)-What brought you
here?
Prisoner-Misplaced confidence.
Visitor-How was that?
Prisoner-I thought 1 could run faster than
could. .-Heto London Bee.
Teacher-Bobby Svapples, what is
quadruped?
B6bby-A quadruped is an animal with four
legs.
Teacher-Right; now give me an example Of
quadruped.
Bobby-A horse.
Teacher-Right: can you give me another sx-
ample?
Bobby enlightened after much thOught-A.1
other horse. Jester.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
A BUSINESS CALL.
He had cloth-bound volume under one arr

lie had cloth-bound volume under one arm
and map rolled up under the other.
Not one Of the three lawyers at their desks,
nor even the office boy reading novel, deigned
more than a glance at him.
"AhemP' he began. Fine morning. Will
you be kind enough to-"
We're very busy, don't you seer snarled one
attorney. ave have no time for missionary
work p
u am not missionary. book agent, a can.
vasser, solicitor, a hawker or peddler; want
to see lawyer on business"
Immediately-the three lawyers sprang for the
stranger, seized and held him, while the off ce
boy grabbed chair and push ed it under him.
"Give me some air, won't ye:" he gasped. "Is
there lawyer named Stuyvesant in this build.
ing? I've got map for him."
"Three doors belowr' screamed the office boy,
as the lawyers skunk back to their desks.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
FIRE AND HORSES
Play Considerable Part In the Dramas at
the Theaters This Week.

Play Considerable Part In the Dramas nc
the Theaters This Week.
zone Of the Bravest," the drama which the
Bijou Theater offers to its patrons this week,
has not been altered since it was here last sea-
son in any important particular. but the COM
pany has been changed considerably, and for
the better. Last night the play pleased large
audience. The result was due in the main to
good work of Mr.. Charles Mccarthy, the fire.
man hero; Mr.. William Cronin as New York
Irish woman, and the extremely dainty and
dashing little soubrette Miss FannleB Bloodgood.
The last named is new acq uisition, and from
her little feet to her merry eyes she is good to
look upon. Miss Maude Kenyon's voice is
another addition of value that has been
made to the piece. The musical end
has been strengthened in other places.
Of course, the fire scene, with the real steam
fire engine and horses, and the extremely
realistic rescue of divers persons from the de-
vouring element, remain the sensational back
bone Of the play. Taking all the factors
together, "One of the Bravest" is entertaining.
The removal of certain broad and vulgar pass
ages to which THE DISPATCH adverted last
season improves the play.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
PAPA GETTING in HIS WORK.

"F THELNDA, daring" murmured the en-.
raptured young man, "this is the happiest
moment of my life. I came here this evening,
hoping yet fearing. I could not put it off any
longer. felt that must know my fate. The
suspense was killing me. But now-I swear it
by this lovely head resting so conndingly on
my shoulder, by the kiss on your sweet lips,
but what was that clicking noise heard
Just them?"
Nothing, Walter. nothing but papa. He's a
lawyer you know but he amuses himself with
all sorts of queer fads.lIHe's practlcing on us
with his Kodak. Go on, Walter, dear. What
were you about to swearr
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
OUR SHORT STORIES.

MAJOR MAITLAND OF THE FOURTH. .
EvERY one who ever heard of the Fourth In.
fantry has heard Of Major Maitland.
Major Maitland was an Englishman who had
the misfortune to be born of American
parents. and in America But all he did was to
the glory Of the Republic. He was very fond
of giving dinners, and never was host so affa-
BILE, so magnificent or so eccentric! Almost
any night of the winter a company OF city folk
coul be found in the bare quarters. with their
feet under the Majors mahogany" He had
cook whom he led a life Of great preplexity,
for he was in the habit of ordering everything
in the market for his dinners. These viands
were prepared with fine art by Hannah, but
the Major was capricious, and would as likely
as not send back half of the dishes.
Hannah" he would say with his English
accent. 1--WE cahn't eat that, you know. What's
the use of trying to kill us, Hannah"
Oneda he was giving characteristic din.
ner. Their were eight at the table, counting
himself-all his warped mahogany accomo-
dated. The usual number of delightful dishes
had been tasted, and rather more than the
usual number sent away. when at last coffee
was served. Hannah having served eight
cups. distributed six spoons, and then took her
position behind her masters chair.
Hannah" said he, in an aside, two
spoons" Hannah had become deaf.
Hannah" the Major repeated two
spoons" Hannah's malady was obstinate.
Hannah" cried the Major, as if he were
giving the order to fire. 1.-TWO spoons"
"Major," whispered Hannah, ''there are no
more spoons"
Hannah" j." he exclaimed reproachfully, do
you mean to tell me 1 have not got eight
spoons? You know I have eight spoons, Han
nah.' Hannah vanished to return after a
time with one spoon. This the major appro-
priated to his own use. Every one. except the
man without the spoon, had quite forgotten
the matter, and conversation was very merry,
indeed, when the company were brought to
their feet by an explosive cry. The Major
made it.
I'm the sugahi In the sugahr'
The company gasped and resumed their
seats. The Major had found his eighth spoon.
Il knew I had eight spoons" he said,
elaborately. offering it to his one spoonless
guest
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
CHURCH DEDICATION,
Magnificent s27. 900 Structure Dedicated

Ma ngnifcent s27, 900 Structure Dedicated
mt Scottdnle.
ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DIsPATcH.I
scoTTDALE. August 18.-The elegant new
United Brethren Church, of this place, was
dedicated yesterday, Bishops Kephart and
Weaver officiating. Large crowds were present
at both the morning and evening service, in
fact the spacious auditorium was crowded, and
many could not secure seats. Visitors were in
attendance from Greensburg, Mt. Pleasant and
other points, special trains being run on the
Southwest branch.
The church is magnificent structure. erected
at a cost of S27 0O0 all of which. with the excep-
tion of 500 has been raised. 1t is the finest
edifice in town, and the members of the church.
with their pastor, are to be congratulated at the
success of the opening. The congregation here
numbers $50, one of the largest in the county.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

SECRETARY WINDOW has reversed the
regulation of his too-fresh Director of the
Mint and all purchases of silver bullion here
after will be at terms that are made public.
The Secretary is wise. The advantages of
secresy are far less important than the avoid
ance of the abuses that would be possible
without publicity.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

AFTER numerous esteemed contemporaries
have gushed over the magnificent scope of that
81, 1000. 600 university to be founded by John D.
Rockefeller, it is rather severe descent to
the hard ground of actual fact TO hear from
Mr. Rockefeller that he has no intention of
putting such a sum into the foundation of an
educational Institution. Mr.. Rockefeller is
not yet prepared to give up ALI the earnings Of
the Standard Oil monopoly to philanthropy.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
cLoTHEs.PIN DECORATION.

HE policeman who patrols Diamond Market
Square in the day time played. uncon-
sciously, humorous part in little farce the
other day. Whether he knows that he walked
about for sometime with patent automatic
clothes-pln clinging to the rear rim of his
helmet is a oonumdrum not to be answered.
Some playful joker attached the clothes.pin to
the officers helmet without the latter's
knowledge, and the Joy of the small boys and
market people generally at the sight was some-
thing remarkable.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

1.-THE Senate spent the greater part Of
last week in vigorously doing nothing" re-
marks the Philadelphia Press, which can be
classified as belonging to the regular Republic
an kickers And the House leaders spent the
same time in bowling at the Senate because it
is not willing to keep on doing nothing for an
indefinite length Of time.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

IT adds to the general and painful uncer-
tainty when the Philadelphia Inquirer (Quay
organ) accuses Senator Edmunds of flibuster-
ing because he objected to the introduction of
Quay's last resolution. With all the Republic
ans turned into kickers, obstructionists and
traitors, the supply Of reliable partisans seems
to be exhausted.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

The most sincere and conclusive tribute
to the good work of the modern press was paid
by lottery lobyist at Washington the day that
the antilottery bill passed the House. 1t con-
sisted of the terse but comprehensive remark:
The newspapers did this. d-n 'em."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
seme,hlns New for nruckeIrat.

A Martha Washington lawn fete will be given
under the auspices of the members of the
Duquesne Mission Sunday school, at the resi-
dence Of Mr.. Philip Beavers, at Muckelrat,
Thursday and Friday evevenings. The ladies
in charge of the affair are making great prepar-
ations In order that the fete, which is the first
one given at the Duquesne mines, shall be a
success both socially and financially The pro-
ceeds are for the benefit of the new United
Brethren Church Of Williamsburg.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
Solid Facts for John Bull.

From the Baltimore Americana
If anything were needed to assure the per-
feet strength and justice of our country's posi-
tion in the Behring Sea matter. it would be the
news that we publish to-day in a short dispatch
from San Francisco. Fifty-iye poaching
vessels and twenty thousand sealskins stolen
emphasize the immediate necessity of an agree
ment that will protect the fisheries from total
destruction. But the English Government
maintains its obstinate stand against COM
nonsense settlement
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
Di.puted at Both Ends of the lime.

From the Philadelphia Ledger.l
As the case stands now the steamship City Of
Paris still has the record for the fastest trans
Atlantic voyage, for the accuracy of the log of
the Teutonic is disputed at both ends Of the
line. The difference between the runs of the
two vessels is not great allowing for the correc-
tions claimed, but the Teutonic cannot be given
first honors with the doubts now thrown upon
her captains report.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
SENATOR EMERY A FIGHTER,
But the Issue Will be Suspended Until He In
Heard From.

From the Philadelphia Times.1
Senator Emery is fighter from away back,
and when he promises the public bunch of
facts "at a time and place not yet determined" !"
all who know him will understand that he won't
tire their patience by any four months or four
weeks delay The people have heard Senator
Emery's accusations against Senator Della
mater; they have also heard Senator Della
matters unqualified denial, and now they have
Senator Emerys assurance of the "bunch of
facts as undeniable as Mr.. Delamater's Cham
bersburg denial was broad and inexplicit," and
the issue will be suspended until Emery is
heard from.
The organs of one side will be satisfied with
anything that Senator Delamater may say, and
the organs OF the other side will be satisfied
with anything that Senator Emery may say, re-
gardless of the force of accusations or denials;
but the organs are not of the least consequence
in the dispute. It Is the judgment of intelli-
gent, fair-minded citizens that is to be satisfied
and that will be guided solely by the weight Of
the evidence.
Move on, gentlemen.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
The Worlds Museum.

Whether 1t was the fame of the big improve
ments at this popular amusement house in
Allegheny or the drawing power Of the only
skeleton dude, Mr.. Coffey. the Worlds Museum
could hardly hold the crowds which focked to
it yesterday. The museum has been greatly
improved, and the list of attractions this week
contains several novelties.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
CONSIDERABLE attention is attracted BY

CONSIDERABLY attention is attracted by
newspaper comment to the fact that Mrs.
Chaska, whose marriage to an Indian was a
sensation short time ago, proved her grit the
other day by putting to flight number of
bucks who tried to steal the allowance of
Government soap to which she is entitled.
Mrs. Chaska's pluck is commendable; but the
fact that the Indian braves would try to steal
soap is an evidence that the previous reports as
to their lack of personal cleanliness must have
been the work of malicious detractors.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
1t is interesting to learn from the New

1t is interesting to learn from the New
York correspondence of an esteemed cotempo-
rary that the trust hydra" as the reporter
terms it. "has opened its jaws and swallowed
the phonograph and graphophone." The fact
that corporation composed largely of Pitts
burg capitalists purchased both the graphic
phone and phonograph patents, and now hold
the limited monopoly, not of a trust, but of the
ownership of the patents, was duly published
in THE DISPATCH when it occurred, some
what more than year ago.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
.Your UncIe Ell ON Hand.

From the Boston Herald.1
If Uncle Eli Salisbury takes 200 or 300 of his
followers along with him on his bolt against
the Democratic nominee for Governor of
their entire State ticket this fall. Uncle Eli is
already responsible for the Republican United
States Senator from that State, and the sore
on his head shows no signs Of healing.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
Pirrsburg's EIectrocuting Machine.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
There is an iron awning post, Liberty and Sixth
streets, that sent a poor teamster into eternity
in second. There was no hullabaloo about
it. Forty-eight hours was all the undertaken
and Coroner wanted to dispose of the matter
and get us ready for something else. Send this
pole tn Auburn and save a vast expense in
printers ink. J.. K.
PITTSBURG, August is.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

The fact that the New York Tribune and
the Philadelphia Press are. both vigorously
pitching into our Matthew Stanley Quay, indi-
Gates a lack of information in those offices as
to whom their editors-WhiteIaw Reid and
Charles Emory smith-are indebted to for the
foreign missions.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
The Mckee, nj Cape nInx.

rsPEcrAL TELEGRAM TO THE DIsPArcH.i
CAPE MAY. August 1a-Mr. and Mrs. ]. R.
Mckee. the Presidents son-in-law and
daughter, returned to Cape May this evening
from Boston. where they have been spending
two weeks. They were met at the station by
Mrs. President Harrison. who accompanied
them to the Cape May Point cottage The
President is expected Wednesday evening.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
He Is Awaiting Conversational Action.

He is Awaiting Conversational Action.
To the Editor of The Dispatch:
Please inform me if the Postmaster General
has forbidden anything connected with the
Louisiana Lottery from going through the
United States mails and settle a bet3
GEORGE RICHTER.
PITTsBURG, August 18
mo. The bill passed the House Saturday,
but it Is not yet law.1
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
A Lover of Mint Juleps,
From the New York Tribune.l

From the New York Trfbune.1
A man with red nose and breath like a
distillery got into street car yesterday. Pretty
soon lady got in and sat next to him, having
in her hand bouquet made up largely of pep
permint After awhile the odor of the pepper
mint aroused the man with the load, and in a
half-sleepy tone he muttered: "All right, Jim,
another mint iulep with YOU"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
Emerx,s .Onnnrtunirx.

From the Philadelphia Press.
Ex-senator Emery declares that he will pro-
duce the proof of his charges against Senator
Delamater. He will either have to do SO or
stand convicted of having taken some extraor-
binary liberties with truth and justice.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
sri,l Living nj s6 Years.

ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DisPATcH.1
MANSFIELD VALLEY. Pa, August 18-Mrs.
Isabella Drake, wife Of George 8. Drake. who
died here few days ago. is q descendant Of
the Bell and Lee families, who were pioneers
here In I76Q The mother Of the late Mrs.
living with the Drake family on Chestnut
sfrear.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
Blood ON the Moon.

From the Washington Post.l
Mr.. Eyarts charges Mr.. Hoar with "objur.
eating" HIM on the floor of the Senate, but the
Massachusetts, Senator says he only accused
him of ''crass Egyptian ignorance" Senator
Quay will please hurry up his motion for ad-
journment There's blood on the moon,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
Same Old Gag.

From the Baltimore Americana
In the eyes Of the Kentucky Colonels no
greater calamity could have visited that State
than the destruction BY fre Of those IS 900 bar
rels of whisky.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

remarkable and pleasing, rendered sheridan's
delightful comedy. "The Rivals" He is q
whole troupe and cast Of characters within
himself.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
TERMS OF THE DISPATCH.

POSTAGE FREE IN THE UNITED STATES.
DAILY DISPATCH, One Year. S 90
DITI,Y DISPATCH Per Quarter 2 90
DAuY DISPATCH One Month, 20
DAILY pIsPArcH. including sunday, year. 10 90
DAILY DISPATCH, including Sunday, Sm' this. $50
DAILY DISPATCH, including Sunday. lmonth 90
SUNDAY DISPATCH, One Year. ear.................- $50
wEKKLY DISPATCH, One Year................ 2S
IKE DAILY DISPATCH Is delivered by carriers at
lscents per week, or including Sunday edition,
Sf2O cents per week.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

Vol. IS No. 1s3.-Fnterec at Pittsburg PostomceN
November Il 1881. second-cIass matter.
Business Ofice--Corner Smithfeld and
Diamond Streets.
News Rooms and Publishing House--7o,
II and 70 Diamond Street.
EASTERN ADVERTISING OFFICE, ROOM n,
TRIBUNE BUILDING, NEW YORK, where
complete files Of THE DISPATCH can always be
found, Foreign advertisers appreciate the con-
venience Home advertisers and friends Of THE
DISPATCH, while in New York. are also made
welcome.
THE DISPATCH Is regularly on sale a
Brentano's. S Union Square, NeO York, and
" Are de POperd Parts, France. tOhere any
one who has been disdppotnted at hotel
sselCs stand can obtain IT,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19
Wages of Female Workers.

is the appendage of some man and partially
supported Woman is not as practically edu-
Gated as man and often will not do her work as
we'll"
Problems of the Nineteenth Century.
THIS morning a distinguished English
scholar, Mr.. A. M. Fairborn, of Oxford, de-
hvered plllosophic and high-strungle lecture on
Leaders of Religious Thought in the Nine
teenth Century, Kent and the Older Rational
ism." sYou have nature" he said "and God
distinct, dwelling in mutual isolation. Men
could not conceive that nature could no more
live without God than the mind without the
body. Mind must be brought into constant re-
lation with God, God in constant relation with
mind" The two problems of the nineteenth
century were: How God and nature were re-
lated, how the spiritual and intellectual were
related.
ssIeu US notice the relation of religious
thought and religious life in our century. The
grand function of this day is the revision OF re-
ligion in intellectual knowledge with view to
its dominance in heart and life. Consider for
moment the advance in science. The exam
pie of heather philosopher becomes the basis
of whole line of Christian doctrine by a great
Christian thinker. If am only bundle of I'M
pressions the impression is but for moment,
man. We have no idea Of time or space, be-
cause they could not come through our senses.
You are man to me, only provided l am
man. The relation In which two things stand
eacQ
make man or does man make nature? Subtract
man and see what you would have. He alone
makes the order of nature. If man makes ma
ture, the inference comes with irresistible force
that man unlocks the key to nature. God
makes nature and man. Inclination is not the
sanction Of moral authority.
Chnutauqua's Africau Annex.
CHAUTAUQUA in South Africa. This may
seem somewhat improbable, but neverthe-
less it is true, and on the Southern continent,
on the Southern coast fourishes a large
number of the Chautauqua Literary and
Scientific Circle, and Chautauqua meetings are
often held by the people In that far-of land.
At this afternoons round table Miss Somphear,
missionary, gave very interesting account
was great factor OF reduction In that newly
developed country.
After the round table, the class OF '94 was
organized. Mr.. John Habberton, the author,
who has recently Joined this class. was made
President of tho class; Rev. A. C. Ellis. of
Rev. Mr.. .Ledgerd, Of ofSteubenyille, Second Vice
President; President class of '94 Framingham
Assembly Third Vice President; Rev. J. F.
Crosby, Benklemon, Neb., Fourth Vice Presi-
dent. Matters of flower, name and motto of
the class were referred to committee for
One of the interesting features now is the
morning devotional hour at 10 o'clock, con-
Quoted by DR.. b. NJ. Adams. q spirited leader.
The Amphitheater is often nearly full of peo-
pie, who come for an hour Of prayer and
song.
This evening Mr.. Leland Powers of Boston,
the versatile dramatic reader, Of Boston, who
changes from one character to another with q ]
rapidiry that is startling. and assumes the new
personality with an easy, natural grace that is
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-19

IF the limit debate goes into effect In the
Senate, will the same rules work In the Senatorial
poker games9
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-05-04
DIR, Hurd.

DIR. Hurd,
The King Bee of Dentists, "a Third
street.