Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-11-23
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

Before marrlage-"WRy so penslve, Gear
est% After .marriage-'Why so expsn-
siye, Mrs. Jones?'
Parent-@Do you think my son has any
particular bentY Teachsr-"Oh, yes;
lots of them-bent pins
Teacher-"What is the plural of man ?"
Smart boy-"Men.7 "And What is the
plural of baby?7 Twins
"Oh, no, he doesn't drink Ike fish,"
''Why, Eve known hi ~ "That's all
right. But fishes, you know, drink by
gills."
Georgie-"What makes the old cat howl
SOP Dickie-'1 guess you'd make noise
too, if you were all full of fddlestrings
inside"
She wouldn't wed the best of men,
She'd only be his sister
And that's the reason why. / ken,
he men have always missed her.
Johnnie-'Pa, what kind of ships re-
quire the most coal ~ Pa with a mean
ing look at his. grown-up daughters
"Courtships."
Western Parent : Say, teacher, do you
reckon ye kin make my boy smart ?"
Teacher-"Wal, l reckon l kin, if this
birch rod of mine holds out"
Jones" Moses, it strikes me that those
trousers are too short" Moses Isaacs-
Nell, mine friend, | give you Goa. that's
just little too long to make up the differ
ence."
Fat women are good-natured, aye,
And talk much less than thin,
A curious fact, for, strange to say,
They've all a double chin.
"Papa,n asked Ethel, timidly, did
Chollie call on you to-day p Gle did"
said the old man, sternly. Did he ex-
press himself" No; he walked-Neto
York Herald.
Binks-"Why do you wear your glasses
so high on your nose, Jinks?" Jinks (who
reads the papers)-"The Slaster says that
the tariff has made eyeglasses go up
Jeuelers Circular.
Old Lady" Where is your husband,
Mrs. De Long?" Mrs. De Long" He
couldn't come He has the rheumatism
all over him." Old Goodness
me And he's over six feet high"
Butcher-aWhat can I send you no to-
day, Mrs. Styles" Mrs Styles-"Send me
a leg of mutton, and be sure it is from a
black sheep" Butcher-"A black Sheep
Mrs. Styles-"Yes; We are in mourning,
you know"
"You brought piece of Limburger
cheese home last night, John" Il did,
dearest" "Why in the world did you do
it?" Il knew l would wake cup hungry in
the night, and | wanted to know where to
find the pantry in the dark"
| Why stands that womsn there tonight
| Meath the moon orb's silver sheen,
With an anxious Light in yet young eyes
And hope in her eager mien?
| Are her thoughts above with the Wlnking stars?
Does the moon fill her heart with awe?
All, no, she's waiting there now for the son
OF her father and motheT-iplaw.
Jamser-"What wonderfully old man
De Tanque is for man who has always
been a drunkard?1 Flamser-"He is
somewhat advanced in years, but the cause
of it is plain" Jamser-'I don't see it"
Flamser-"They'r afraid TO admit him to
the next world for fear he'll swallow all
tie spirits"
Anxious Mother-"I want an order to
send my daughter to an Insane asylum for
treatment. She Is going to marry man
thirty years older than herself" Judge
"Why, madam, girls marry old men every
day, and are not considered insane" Anxi-
GUS AlOlHtr- les Dul Inc olu Lidu IL J
daughter wants to marry is poor"
CoIored preacher redren and sistern,
dis unseemally levity mus stop. Dis yeer
church amt no circus. Stop dat laughin'
in yo corner, Brudder Beeswax. Watts ii
'bout?7 Brudder Beeswax-'I don know
wat dey is LATIN at" Colored preacher
''If dis yeer levity don stop right now, III
do somfn ter make you solemn, you triflin'
niggers. I'll pass de hat again"
Widow Ito her aughter)-"Fanny, is
that artist coming here again tonight p
Fanny-"Yes, ma" "And is that young
doctor going to come, too" "Yes, ma
And both of them want to marry you ~
YES, ma" "You must marry the artist
He is such nice gentleman. He always
treats me SO politely" 81 don't want to
marry the artist. I'd rather marry the
doctor. l can't bear to look at that artist
I'll tell you, ma, how we'll fix it. III
marry the doctor and you marry the art
ist."