Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-12-04

me, my dear. When you asked my
opinion | said: 81 liked him far and
away the best" l do New York
World.
IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
New Minister Ito young lady whom he
saw kissing midde-aged NAM is that
man relative of yours2
Young Lady Gust engaged to the mid
dl@-aged man)-Hc is my ''popper, )" sir
HE WINDY WEATHER.
Windy weather's
Rough on girls
Who wear arti-
Ficial curls;
For when breeZes
Rudely blow,
Imitation
Locks must go.
Il New York Journal.
TAcTFUL HOSTESS.
Shc--Our friend Miss Dawson is un-
well to-day.
Hc-Ycs, she overcxerted herself last
night.
She-How
Hc-She invited six persons Ito din
ncr, and as not one of them was ON speak
ing terms with any of the Others, she had
to entertain each one separately and at
the same time Munsey's Weekly.
OF VITAL IMPORTANCE.
He-It's rather embarrassing, dear,
fnr fn RI
mother is here in the room.
She-Never mind that, love. She is
blind in one eye.
He-Say, are you sure we are on the
right side p Epoch.
MADE HIM SICK.
st. Paul Man ION railway train) 1t
just makes me sick to see the cheap wit
that's gotten off about st. Paul and Min
neapolis, just as if there was deadly
rivalry between them.
Stranger-Well, isn't there any?
st. Paul Man-Bless your heart, no
not particle. Each place is contribu-
tory to the other, and we all recognize
it. No feeling on the subject at all, sir
never was. Couldn't be, of course,
among sensible people, you know. You
are on your way to st. Paul, presume.
Stranger-No, l am going to Minneapo
lis, to settle there.
st. Paul lMan-Minneapolis? What do
you want to bury yourself in that miser-
able little hole fora-[ New..Yo Weekly.
MATTER OF REGRET.
Dashaway-Do you mind tobacco
smoke, Mrs. Bingo2
Mrs. Bingo-Oh, not at all. 1 am not
like some other women. There was old
Mrs. Summit; a Whit of tobacco smoke
would drive her out of the room quick as
u wink.
Dashaway (thoughtfully)-I wish had
known that when | was calling on her
daughter.
BRUTE.
Mr. Ncwed-What kind of pudding is
that!
Mrs. Newed (archly)-Gucss. 1t has
something to do with the place honey
moons are often passed in.
Mr.. N.-Ah, yes; flat pudding. Very
good, indeed. Quite appropriate.
Mrs, N, tearfully}-I m.meant a
c-c-cottagc pudding. II New York Her
aid.
AN UNPLEASANT FEATURE.
Two professional blind beggars.
81 say, Bill, what makes me that dis
gustcd with this biz | could chuck it up
any day is, that bcin' supposed to have
lost the use of our heycs we can't kick
when some blokc goes and drops bo-
gus coin inter the 'at and then prances
off lookin' vartuous, like as if he'd gone
an done hact of charity. y Judge.
NEEDLESS TO STATE.
The picnic-that memory of days that
are gone
How dear were the pleasures it gave u.s.
Though whenever we went we regretted
the fun,
We couldn't help going to save us.
And the youth (that immortaD who sits
in the pie,
The custard so placid and sunny,
He feels like, and knows that he looks
like guy,
He laughs, but he doesn't feel funny.
The ge-peel stricken supinely is laid; ;
One misses the car he's pursuing,
Or he steps on the corn of some fair acrid
maid,
And she angriy asks what he's doing.
He hands to the sexton who passes the
plate
A chip when he meant to give money,
On occasions like this it is needless to
state
He laughs, but he doesn't feel funny.
Washington Post.
HER MISTAKE.
GLOW do you tell when there is any
gold in this funny looking stones" asked
the dear girl who was being shown
around the mint by an official.
"Why, we smelt it," he replied.
Holding it to her pretty little nose,
she remarked very innocently; "Why
smelt it. too, but l don't see anything
about it to-Why, what are you laugh
ing at?"-[Boston Traveller.
THE DOG EXPLAINS.
'rWhy do you bark at the moonF
asked the Tomcat.
''Poor thing" answered the watchdog
as he jingled his chain; "havent yoi
ever heard that the moon exerts an infiu