The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1890-08-23
, THE coLoNEL's FEE.
Hs Earned Under Conditions Peculiar
Even for n LAWYER.

Even for Lawyer.
There lives in one of the finest coun
ties Of Kentucky an aristocratic old gen
tleman, who, though brave at time o
physical trouble, has never succeeded IL
summoning sufficient courage to shove
him into the recklessness of paying 0
debt Like most men that are loose in
money matters, he is of exceedingly
cheerful disposition, and has been known
to invite n bill collector into tho room
which he termed "the holy of holies, y
derived from the fact that the Colonel
kept his liquors there), and regale him
with bourbon that had attained great
age. But he would not pay the bill.
Once the Colonel was in debt to q
grocer that lived in neighboring vii
lage. He must have been newcomer,
Tor none of tho 'old-timers' would trust
the old gentleman. Ono morning, just
after the Colonel had taken his third
iulep and sat down on the gallery to
smoke, the grocer came to the gate and
shouted, ''halloa!.
"Gct down and come right in, suh,"
the Colonel called, getting up and COR
daily advancing to meet the visitor.
II am delighted to see you this bright
morning." said the host when he had
shown the grocer into the house.
"You don't know me, reckon" tho
grocer responded, giving the old man a
peculiar look out of his keen eyes of
trade.
80, most assuredly. You are the
grocer.''
'You bet. Did you get that bill-or,
rather, them twenty bills-I sent you?"
81 presume so, but | can not say posi-
lively who sent them. | get so many
favors of the kind that hardly know
whence they come. Let us go into the
holy of holies.''
mo, reckon not 1 have hearn Of
that Ticker room an about you gittin'
folks drunk that go in thar, but I've
never hearn that man what did go in
thar ever got the money comm to him.
I'm man of business an want my
money without any palarverin.' Do you
understand?"
Perfectly, sub, and ] can not blame
you. Business can not be operated " ith-
out money!"
"But are you goin' to pay me?"
81 can't pay you now"
when caNyou?"
Lets see: this is the tenth of the
month, amt it?"
''That's what it is.
"Ah, ha, and tomorrow will be the
eleventh."
''That's the size of it,"
"Well, you come round between the
eleventh and the first of next month"
"Will you pay me them"
mo, don't think | Shall"
"Then what's the use of my comin?"
''None that / can see. Didn't know
but you might be more willing to 90
into the holy of holies by that time"
mot much. What 1 want is my
money and I'm goin' to have it or know
the reason why"
81 don't mind giving you the reason.
The reason appears to be that you'll not
get the money. Now look here: / have
always made it a point to look with
favor on the methods of life established
by other men. You have your rules
and have mine, but because our rules
differ it is no reason for us to fall out
One of your rules is to collect every
cent due you. All right. One of my
rules is not to pay a cent All right"
mo, it's not all right-you bet your
life it amt. You've simply got to pony
up"
''No, thank you. By the way, how
much do owe you?"
"Ten dollars"
"a beggarly sum-"
"Why don't you pay it, then?"
"Because don't pay beggarly sums"
You'll pay this one"
POSSIBLY. By the way again, let mo
give you piece of advice with regard
to that bill Shall II"
"Yes."
swell, then, sue me-"
"I'll do it; you bet your life on that"
The grocer brought suit. The Colonel
promptly appeared. The case won't to
trial and the grocer got judgment for
seven dollars.
grocer.
"And 1 want mine," the Colonel re-
piled.
"Yours: / don't owe you any thing"
so, yes. You see," the old man
added, "the courts many years ago
granted me license as a lawyer, and I'll
be hanged if yon haven't given me my
first case Hers Is the license"
"Why, haven't given you case"
so, yes; | advised you to sue me and
you did so. My fee is ten dollars"
"Mr. Billings" said the Judge land he
also owed the grocery, "you will have
70 pay the amount"
He did so, closed his store, shot the
Judges COW and ran away.-Arkansaw
Traveller.