The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1890-10-05

to. For six months my right hand was
in the air all the time, it seemed to me.
and my neighbors all have been real
good about swearing to things l have
changed works with some of them that
way, swearing to their things, you see,
where they was old comrades like, and
they swearing to mine in return.
''One man-In never forget his kind
ness to me-awore that he was at the
auger when it struck me. He gave the
date and everything, all the circum-
stances regarding the case, and said that
after midnight they had invested some
two thousand anger holes in the floor
and extended them into the atmosphere
above, when he was called upon to act.
He said he took the anger with heavy
heart, but made a last appeal, hoping to
bore into the barrel and fill a washtub
which was held in place by two sad
eyed boys, who had been whooping of it
up the night before and so pinned now
for something TO moisten their mouths,
which, as they expressed it, had favor
which reminded them of a basket of
pups.
He said he all at once heard a yell,
which turned the hairspring in his
watch perfectly white. He jerked the
auger out, and, according TO his sworn
testimony, on the end it had a frag-
ment of an old army shirt and a birth
mark which he recognized, saying to
those about him, Ny God! we have
bored into the commissary's assistant; let
US begone without delay
"After such testimony as this thought
I would only have to establish my own
identity, and assert on oath that my vi
tails are constantly exposed to the night
air, and my finer feelings are liable at
any moment to fall out and be appropri-
ated by others ! did SO state to the
commissioner Of pensions, who replied
in a fippant way, referring me to the
bureau of vital statistics, and stating
that friend of his had just perfected an
awning to be worn over such arertures
to keep the works of those who had been
bored into in that way from getting
freckles on them.
$50 have mortgaged my place, think
ing it was perfectly safe to do SO, and
that a benefcent government would
listen to my sorrows and pity my great
misfortune. But the surplus has came
and it has went away, and l am left
here on my mortgaged farm, trying to
raise the mortgage with one hand and
hold my pancreas in with the other,
while you people at Washington, full of
fun, good victuals and high purposes,
sit there on the woolsack, as it were,
ready to burst with i'll concealed laugh
ter every time l display my wound.
Dog on such government, say, and
Isayit fearless, too. Who cares a tinker's
mill site for mirth and multiplication
tables and mean temperature and the
mortality among microbes when folks
are suffering ON every hand? You seem
to think you are saving the great ship of
state by asking me to state on oath that
| am in debt, and not only crafty the
idle and venomous curiosity Of your old
senseless burro that hasn't been able
yet to count a single town correct since
| knew it, but then you must also come
and ask me to swear to my shame, and
make oath publicly to my lettering
credit.
''Go to! you old intellectual pus cav
ity! Go home, you old stirling ass, and
put bread-and-milk poultice on your
morbid curiosity. Get out! Avaunt! and
don't waste any time about it. Go home
and tell your folks to bar the door when
they see the fatigued Washington fool
killer coming. Tell them l said sol"
There are others, many others, that
are of interest, but space will not permit
of any further at this time. shall no
doubt, in my work of expurgating, find
- L L