Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1890-06-20
The Arizona Kicker.

We extract the following from the
last issue OF the Arizona Kicker:
"A STRAw.-We have just closed
bargain with Henry Shane, the we'll
known contractor and builder, for
one-story addition TO the rear end OF
our Office, to be II IA in size. This
room will give us, under one and the
same roof, a great weekly paper,
Job and book Office, a grocery, feed
store, a hardware store, butcher
shop. boot and shoe store, signal
station and gun shop. Three years
ago, upon our arrival in this town,
We slept under wagon for the first
three nights, and the money we had
was borrowed dollar.
is il any wonder that our moon
eyed lantern jawed, mule-eared con
temporary down the street gnaws
file all day and has the collie all mighty
ALWAYS AHEAD.-Next Monday
morning an artist and engraver from
Chicago will arrive in town TO accept
a position rendered by the Kicker.
We are the first to introduce real
artist i'm Arizona, as we are the first
to lead the way in all other good
things. Hereafter all matters Of local
Importance, but more especially
street rows attended with loss OF lie,
well illustrated in the highest style OF
the ait, thereby increasing the value
of the Kicker TO subscribers by at
least 100 per cent, while the price OF
subscription will remain at the old
figures. y
THE CALLED JADE.-lt has SO hap
pened, every time we have been
obliged to kill man in this towE in
self-defense, that the coroner and
everybody else was in great hurry,
and that the body was buried In the
most convenient place. Last week
we were struck with the idea OF get
ting them altogether in one common
spot, and we bought an acre OF sand
lot OF Colonel Hawkins for the ground
work. Our green-eyed contemporary
got hint Of what was up, and he
went blowing around town and did
his best to head us off; he failed, how
ever. and during the thaw we had
the five bodies taken up, removed to
what is already known as The Kicker
corral, and each grave designated
with a white headboard with the
name printed neatly thereon. In the
spring. we shall see that each grave
is covered with trailing arbutus-that
is. if arbutus will trail in this country.
The names as they appear on the
headboards, are: Nose, Pete, jim,
Sam and Jack We shall probably
add couple more TO the list before
the ides of May, whatever that is.
THEY DON'T ENTHUsE.-Every
now and then some one who Is dis
satisfied with the course OF the Kicker
bobs up with a proposition TO run Us
out OF the country by establishing a
new weekly, in opposition. He goes
blowing around, gets out a prospectus
ON a broken-b backed typewriter, put
his own name down for 50, and that
the last of il. We've seen twenty
such cases in the last three years,
and they no longer make our hair
stand on end and chills canter up
and down our spinal column.
Two weeks ago we felt 1t our duty
TO caution the mayor OF this town
that he was riding high horse, and
that he must come down TO mule or
we'd take measures to make him. He
carried an old shotgun around foi
two or three days, telling everybody
he had camped on our trail, but II
finally got too heavy for him and ne
sold it for SO and got out the usua
prospectus. We hear that he ha'
thus far succeeded in raising ~ and
dog towards establishing :, a great
newspaper here. BY way OF en-
couragement well add second dog
and we hope the mayor will push hi'
project for all it's worth"
"NoTICE-Parties addressing let
ters TO the Kicker will please add
Limited States of America, Western
Hemisphere to the usual directions
The postmaster in this town Is never
certain what country Arizona Is loca
ted in, and this will greatly facilitate
his labors of distribution. The only
qualification he has got for the Office
is his ignorance Of orthography and
chirography, and his theory as tc
why jackass rabbits were created
bobtailed."
Nor GUILTY-As predicted in Our
last issue, Colonel McClugg was moi
held for the shooting Of Dan Tomp
kins. As we were An eye witness tC
the whole affair, we felt it out duty
to go before the coroner's jury with
our testimony. Our blink-eyed con
temporary down the street says We
did this hoping TO increase the circu
lation OF the Kicker, and he is partl,
correct. We never left slip an op
portunity to increse our subscription
list. and are happy 10 announce tina