Thomas County cat., 1890-07-10

a HIlazr Of fancy the golden
THE only money in chickens Is what
they swallow.
HE man who has hard work to keen
posted-the book-keeper.
WHEN an author wants to write sspir-
1ted' conversations he gets drunk.
MUSTARD out!" as the funny board
er exclaimed when he lifted the cover
and found the dish empty.
WHEN man says he is feeling only
mlddling it is an indication that he is
having pains in his stomach.
PASTOR with sigh We'll, we'vea all
got to go sooner or later. Layman-
Yes, yes, and the later the better.
No MATTER how plain-looking . soda
water clerk may be, in warm weather
his fizz is always attractive to the girls.
3yEs, Miss Frost, I always wear
gloves at night; they make ones hands
soft. aAh! And do you sleep with your
hat on?"
VERY sick: We'll, Misther McP helm,
how'd ye schlape last night?" 3Ah,
b-bad, Denny, b-bad! Unconscious
good dale av the tonne"
Mrs. YouNawIFE-Did you ever try
any Of my biscuits, Judge Power?
Judge Power-No, I never did; but /
dare say they deserve it.
! @YQU are too hard on Mr.. Skinfint.
You should treat him with more Of the
milk of human kindness.n He'd churn
it into butter and sell it if I did"
LITTLE Dot-Mammal Mamma!
Mamma in next room)-What? Lit
tie Dot-My kittie has caught mouse,
and she acts hungry. Please come and
cook it for her.
FIRST clerk-Do you think old Wig
gins will raise may salary if I ask him?
Second clerk-H you ask him to-day he
will. "Why to-day He just got o
divorce from his wife," !,
SWEET seventeen-No. I don't want
to marry the baron; why, he has red
hair! Stern parent-Yes, but he won't
have it long! Haven't you noticed that
it is beginning to drop off? :
she Gust gone into housekeeping)-
How did you like the shirt 1 ironed for
you, Alfred. Didn't lido it beautifully?
He-You do nothing by halves, my
dear. You did it up brown, of course.
Mrs. SpR1GGs-Why do you leave
those horrid blots in your letter to Mr..
Richman, asking for q business inter-
viewg Mr.. Spriggs-I want him to
see that I am business man enough to
use fountain-pen.
MISS ANTIQUE-Doy you consider type
writing q good profession for woman?
Miss De Pretty "a successful type
writer) r)-Um-yes, but type-writing is
very difficult to learn, and to make q
success of it q woman should begin
young.
HE LOVES IT STILL.
She scarce can play single note.
No harmony knows she,
And though on the maiden dote
Her playing crazes me-
Yes, makes my blood run very cold;
Yet play the maiden will,
Piano still"
Mrs. TIpToP-Won't you sing for us
tonight, Miss Higheff? ? Miss Higheff
(modestly) Really, Mrs. Tiptop, am
30 hoarse I could scarcely sing above q
whisper. Mrs. Tiptop (effusively)-
Oh, we sha'n't mind that, my dear.
You must sing.
A LITTLE mistake: Editor-See here,
Mr.. Penne, this won't do. I can't ac-
,ept q verse rhyming walk" with
cork" Poet-Excuse me, but have
made mistake, and handed you the
wrong poem. The one you have there
IS intended for Boston paper.
NEW lodger Indignantly, to land
ady)-Whst did you mean by telling
ne your children were all grown up?
There's nothing but screaming and
Yelling from morning till night! Land
ady (mildly) Axing your parding,
,ir, which my children is all crowd up.
md married, and two of 'em's ivin' in
he 'ouse. You didn't say uothin' about
vro DI ohil1rou