Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-04-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

go llmplnS back TO the starting point
Detroit Tribune.
Before marriage man waits on wo-
man; after marriage woman waits on
man.-Atchison Globe.
Those fellows who dote on their girls
sometimes find matrimony a powerful
antidote. Bamghanaton Letter.
A man can always make an oppor-
tunity when he has something bad to
say ABOUT people. Globe.
The woman who is the least popular
with men in general is most apt to make
one man happy in particular. -AtchtsOn
Globe.
How soon forbearance ceases to be a
virtue when the forbearance is for the
faults of those we dislike!-Atchison
Globe.
There is such thing as being so ag-
gressively good that you make bene-
fciaries uncomfortable - MiIWaukee
Journal.
1t is better to be alone than in bad
company, but some people are in bad
company when they are alone. -SOnaer'-
Uitte JOu27a0t.
No woman ever pestered man that
she did not mention her great love for
him as an eXcuce for her action
Atchis0n Globe.
The widow who wears the longest
mourning veil is generally the one who
cuts across lots to find another hus-
band. -Etmira Star.
Yes, Sophronia, it is called 'the
GROWER" because the man who is in the
habit of using it growls when he can't
work it.-BoSton Courier.
Some people are never so happy as
when they are making other people feel
bad. Such people are generally happy,
too.-SomerU5tteJ Journal.
Mrs Bilkins-'In what part of the
church is the nave?n Bilkins THE
knave is generally to be found in one
of the front pews. "-Yanbee BLade.
In Louisville You'll not retract?"
mo, sab. Did you ever heah, sab, of
Kentucky editor, sab, taking watah,
sah?n No, sahr'-N T. Commercial.
Father-'I don't believe you've an
ounce of brains in your head Son
They are entirely unnecessary, fathah.
| go only in fashionable society,"
Life.
A pretty man is like yellow dog; its
color does not affect its usefulness, but
somehow people naturally expect a
yellow dog to be hless.-AtchisOn
Globe.
Mrs. S.-"Have we everything out Of
the house now?n Mr.. S.-ssEverything
I,,t 4 l..
lord won't allow them in the new
house. "-Lte.
A South Carolina colored man
breaches in his sleep. The general
rule, it will be remembered. among
the clergy is to preach in other folks
sleep.-Boston Transcript
He-"Has your father ever said any
thing to Indicate how he likes meP''
She-''He has. And | think he prefers
you roasted, Judging from his CONVEX
sation. "-7erre Haute Erpress,
Giles-"I hear you have found mar
riage a failure. -Cobwigger-'' Well
rather. Before marriage I had to ask
the girl for her hand. Now she gives
it to me without asking. ''-Dyabe'S
Magazi,ae.
When girl is little and bashful her
mother makes her play with the boys
and she doesn't want to, but when she
is large and wants to play with the boys
her mother doesn't want her to-
AtchiSon Globe.
Were you in the White Mountains
last summer?' Yes. Had good
time" is there any game in the
mountains now?" 20, yes; we played
tennis and bean-bags all the time."-
HdrperS Bazar.
scribed $500 to the new Zion church.
How's that? l thought you were Il foe
TO churchespn Il am; but my $500 is
to help pull down the old church. y
AZ. ]. Commercial.
Stranger-"How much do you get
for the golden ruler" Jeweler (wear-
ily)-"Young man, stop right there.
| recognize you as the desperate who
wants to price a pair of ruby lips."-
Jeaoeler'S Weekly.
A farm journal advises: Save the
incest eggs for incubation" This is
valuable advice. Any old back-num-
Der egg is good enough for the barn
storming ''Hamlet' combination
N0rvist0a0,e Herald
Judge (to policeman) -How could
any one throw stone and break a
window around the corner?"- Police
man-''But, your Honor, please re-
member that the prisoner is woman"
-Drabe'S Magazine.
DR.. Squills-'.There is nothing
serious, sir; your wife has merely bit a
little skin off the end of her tongue
Mr. Henpeck-' End of her tongue,
Great Scott! didn't know there was
any end to it, County Capital.
A Trenton boy who swallowed a
small key, seems to be little incom-
NODDED by it except that his breathing
makes singing effect. Musicians
would call it normal sound because
the key is in minor. Philadelphia
ledger.
Stranger-''Fine monument you've
got there, sir" Citizen-''Yes; that's
in memory of my pet game-cock."
Stranger-''Who's the little stone for?"
Citizen-"'T amt dead sure. but | be-
lieve one of my wives occupies that
locality. "-Judge.
Couldn't yer gimme the
price of drink, boss? I'm chilled
through" PARROT (stiftiy)-"No; not
one cent of my money goes for liquorn'
hummer Credit, Ell! Let's 90 to-
gether, then, to de saloon where yer
have such pull as that!'- Teas Sit
ingS.
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