Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1890-01-25
VARIETIES.

1t is hard TO get at the naked truth
of a bear story.
The laundry man has to receive a
good many cuffs in the world.
A mans hair is a good deal like a
man himself. After certain age it
ceases to come TO the 'front.'
Talk about dress as you please, but
1t Is the man employed at the abattoir
who wears the killing costumes
The mind of youth cannot remain
empty; If you do not put into it that
which is good, it will gather elsewhere
that which is evil.
There is a man in Topeka who is so
afraid of getting influenza that he will
not read the Foreign Correspondence"
in the New York papers.
1t is said if man sets himself 10
work to eat roast beef every day for
three months as would straightway
declare himself a vegetarian.
81 think the turkey has the advan-
tage Of you" said the landlady to the
inexpert boarder who was carving.
Guess it has, mum-in age"
Somebody asked minister if there
had been an awaking in his church.
"No, sirree," was the reply; "there
has been no sleeping in my church"
Boston is called the literary centre
of the United States, but Cincinnati is
the place where the largest number of
men have made fortune through the
pen.
A thrifty Ohio girl sold batch of
old love letters to the ragman last
week. She realized 30 cents, which,
she declared, is good deal more than
they were worth.
A fond father said to his 3-year-old
boy the other day: "Well, Willie,
what are you going to give me at
Christmas q Replied the youngster
promptly: 81 amt Santa Claus"
The two important events in the life
of man are when he examines his up
per lip and sees the hair coming, and
when he examines the top of his head
and sees the hair going.
If all were as willing to be pleasant
and as anxious to please in their own
homes as they are in the company of
their neighbors, they would have the
happiest homes in the world.
Quite Natural.-Mrs. Guzzam-
Young Mrs. Dolley dotes wildly on
our Amy. Mr. Guzzam-Yes, my
dear. He is just at the age when
young men SOW their wild dotes.
1t is impossible to hang bad man.
The negro who dropped into eternity
at the Texas Sui phur Springs on Fri
day said he "felt that the golden gate
of glory was open to receive him.
Three whales were seen off the coast
at Cape May two or three days ago,
and they were blowing water and
steam to such a great height that they
were mistaken by several pilots for
steamers.
A fearful widow at Adrian, Mich,
obtained an order for 81 worth of
groceries from the poor commissioners.
Next day the provisions were spread
as the refreshments at her wedding
banquet.
A man whose face showed the effects
of fight he had with his wife, ex-
planned to the police judge that his
Disagreement was caused by the rise
in iron. "How so asked theI judge.
"Anyhow," said the prisoner, "it was
owing to the advance in nails"
Clark Petit of Salem has a Jersey
red hog which weighed on the 10Th
inst, 945 pounds, having gained 145
pounds in 81 days preceding that day.
parties, to be delivered alive in the
early part of February, for exhibition
purposes.
IT'S sweet to hear the watch dogs
honest bark, It's sweet to hear the hum
of bees and the merry laugh Of child
hood, but there is something about the
sound of man learning to play the
cornet in the room next to yours that
reminds you of an exhausted para
graph trying to snatch a dead joke
out of its cofin.-AndreaCs' Bazaar.
THE bride wore an appropriate and
becoming dress Of gray grow grain silk
and fshoo of white Vallention's lace,
with long veil of white tool, was the
description a rural editor gave of the
brides appearance at a wedding. The
bride herself gave him the description,
and he took it down by the sound,
and as he was his own compositor, it
was published just as he wrote it.
1t seldom happens that any period
of human existence, whether extensive
or contracted, passes by without some
peculiar circumstances occurring calcu-
lated to produce painful sensations.
To those who lie out of the road of
great Affections are assigned various
pretty vexations, which answer all the
purpose of disturbing their serenity.
1t is when prosperity is at the highest
that our prudence should be awake
and vigilant to prevent misfortune.
DoN'T OPEN Your MOUTH lToo
Every one knows that it is
vulgar to yawn in company, but it is
not generally understood that it is
dangerous. An individual in Dublin
we are not told how engaged, but it
is supposed in listening to one of the
HUNDRED Best Books" read aloud TO
him by member Of the Home Read
ing Association-ha been stretching
his jaws to such an extent that he dis
located them. This is not only a lesson