The Forrest City times., 1890-12-27

Our idea of n genius is n bald ,eaded man who knows that hair ill never grow on l,i4 head again.
 As rule it is not wise to tell nll one knows, thougl, it is always high ly expedient to know all one tells.
 The trouble with some theologians is that they think nobody can get into Heaven wlIo doesn't have n latch key.
 Heaven lies about us in our in iancy," says Wordsworth. Yes, and the newspapers lie about us when we get old enough to run for office.
 An Atchison man had such small baby born at his house that he re- fused to acknowledge the cigars, and is passing around cigarettes.
 A writer says that whipping boy may make him stupid. Perhaps that is true, but We think it is more likely to make him smart.
 lrate German (tostrarger who had stepped on his toe)-"Gott in him nell Mine frent. I know mine feet vas meant to pc walked on, but dot briviledge belongs to me-
 "shut up your cupboard and come along 0 me, said the policeman, as he pulled the upper on to the lower. case, and arrested the compositor.- Printing Trades Journal.
 'I understand you have just been down St Louis?" "Yes, spent three days there.' "Did you see any ofthe big bugs of the place?" No, went to brand new hotel. Judge.
 Citizen, to elderly physician: You don't bleed patients as often as you did fifteen or twenty years ago'' Physician, looking over package oi unpaid bills; "No, we don't bleed 'em at all, they bleed us!''
 "Will you please insert this obitu- ary noticef" asked an old gentleman of the editor, ''I mako bold to ask. because the desccased has great many friends about here who'd q ba glad to hear of his death !"
 Editors young wi.e,-"My dear you must pardon ire fur coming down in n wrapper this morning." Editor Don't mention it, my love. Some of the most valuable exchanges come to us in wrappers.
 Good morning Mrs. Hampton, you've changed your place of resi- lcnce." "Yes." "Where are you living now?' T am not living any where, am dying by degrees at tho Hotel Lyndor.
 Johnny, where is tins north poleG ,Johnny.-"l don't know" Teacher-"Don't know where the north pole is?' Johnny "When Dr. Kane and Franklin and Greeley hunted for it and couldn't find it, how am to know where 1t is?'
 Judge (who is bare ed)--Ifhali what the witnesses testify against you is true, your conscience must bt as black as your hair. Prisoner-Ii a mans conscience is regulated by his hair, then your honor hasn't got any conscience at all.-Texas Siitings.
 A traxeler in Wales, noticing the sign "Agorsequerdere" over a door, gratified his curiosity by asking the woman who kept the place. what 1t was that she sold there. She replied that she didn't sell anything; but that that sign was to tell people that agues were cured there."
 "Yes," sobbed the lunatic's widow, my husband got SO deeply involved in the plot of a story he was writing that he could not extricate himself or his characters from it, and he went crazy" "The victim of a vile plotp" calculated the sympathixing keeper Puck.
 Christmas draws near. and the savor of roasted goose and turkey will soon assail the grateful nostril. In "merrie England" they still have the boar's head on the table; but we Americans have made m improve ment on the custom. Instead of a single one on, We often have halt a dozen bores' heads around the table.
 Diner-"You have waited upon me very acceptably and have enjoyed my meal thoroughly. You have be- haved like gentleman, and q gentle man you certainly are, notwithstand- ing your humble occupation. Wait er-'1 hope sir, that am gentle man. l always try to be one. Diner Ut is as l suspected And being n gentleman, shall not insult you by offering you money. Perhaps at some future time may be able to reciprocate your courtesy Till then, farewell. ."-Boston Transcript