The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-02-22
MISCELLANEOUS.


that swells the heart instead of the
head.
Chinese school children sometimes
forget their p's, but never their q's.-
Burlington Free Press.
When you have cold you do not
know how to cure it. All your friends
know how, and they tell you, but that
does not affect the cold.-N. y Plea
yune.
A writer maintains that thir tren is
not an unlucky number because tn rteen
colonies united to form this nation. lie
does not quote King George His opin-
ion on the luckiness OF that sUnp.-
Yenowine's News.
"A Michigan man buried his wife,
put up headstone, reprinted his house,
married "a second wife, and dug five
acres of potatoes within seventeen days,
and yet he says he can't begin to hustle
as his father used to.-Detroit Free
Press.
What a beautiful tribute was that
paid to a departed citizen of Western
town! The editor of local paper wrote
that i was an honest man; he was
truthful man; he was one of the best
trout fishermen in this section. "-Kear-
ney Enterprise.
In reply to correspondent who de-
sired to know the value of an iota,"
the Chicago News gives the following
table:
-Four iots make one iota.
Two iotas makes one whit.
Four whits make one little.
Two TITLES make one smitch.
How reports grow: First Gossip-"I
heard to-day that Miss olympic was in
very poor health" Second Gossip-'tO,
no; she's perfectly well. The story grew
from the fact that old Moneybags pro-
posed to her suddenly last week, and, as
she told friend, shocked her into a de-
cline. -Somerville Journal.
An old man, evidently from the
rural districts, with a humorous counte-
nance and clad in an ancient garb, Gre
ated much amusement at Akron, o., for
the passengers of street car. His at
tention was attracted to the fare indica-
tor at the end of the car. Looking at his
watch for moment he remarked:
'Wall, guess I'm trifle slow" Every
body laughed but the old man.
At Oldtown, Me-, few days ago a
woman was called to the door by her
millincr, who wished to collect bill of
SIS. The good woman was sorry to disap-
point her, but only few days previous
she had invested her ready money in an
organette, and politely uShered ercaller
into the parlor to examine the instru-
ment. The music roll was adjusted. and
as the crank revolved the room was filled
with melodiouS strains of that eX-popu-
lar song, Il have fifteen dollars in my
inside pocket" The incident was 50 com
ical that both sought relief in laughter.
-Balzac, being asked to explain an
abstruse passage in one of his books,
frankly owned it had no meaning at all:
"You see" said he, ''for the average
reader all that is clear seems easy, and,
if did not sometimes gives him a COM
plicated and meaningless sentence, he
would think he knew as much as myself
But, when he comes upon something he
can not comprehend, he re-reads it,,
| puzzles over it, takes his head between
his hands, and glares at it, and, finding
it impossible to make head or tail of it,
says, Great man, Balzac; he knows
more than do!"
Home returneth the good pastor
from an earned vacation. TO him the
elder, far better than the pastor, comes
with fervent greeting, Shaking his
head sadly, he says, with earnestness
that far outstrips his originality: "Ah,
parson, the devil never takes vaca-
ton" "No, indeed" the parson re-
plies with an unexpected outburst Of
genuine heartiness, ''he doesn't need
one; he never works hard enough. If
he should take my contract to draw this
congregation uphill to heaven, instead
of merely amusing himsolf by dancing
with it on the primrose grade, he'd
want vacation every six weeks, and
then he'd break down before the year
was out. Robert 5. Burdette.