Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1890-05-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

get all the mean things he knows about
himself.-Troy Press.
1t is for its own interest that a
mortgage should be allowed TO run
after it is due.-RoDH Sentinel.
~ some poets learn In suffering
what they teach in song" how they
must have sufferedi-Iime
The Government Of the tabled ANA
IONS is supposed to have been an OH
talk-racy. Bushnell (W.) Record.
II is said that a man from the Pine
Tree State can be told by the pitch Of
his voice. -Btnghdmton Republican.
II is said that tenors are so conceited
that they will ever take base ~fiattery
to themselves baltimore american.
THAT qnarrelsome Mrs. Pence is
crazy" No wonder; she was always
giving somebody a piece of her mind"
IN. J. Sun.
II has been judicially decided that
corn is fuel. The juice of il has long
been known rs a great heater.-Baiti-
more american.
II may be all right to wait for dead
mems shoes" but it is folly TO go
stamping around b~arefooted during the
interval. Time.
when a fellow gets mashed on
himself" says a talented Roman, lit
isn't long before he cnts out everybody
else.'-Rome Tribune.
An editorial Is a Boston paper asks:
ssAusf tho tnpaUritar nn9f From ;tc
tone we should Judge it was written by
the editors wife.-Philadetphia Times.
Mrs. Poke-"I wonder why that
chimney doesn't draw?n Mr.. Poke
II suppose, my dear, that it is waiting
for somebody to turn the jack
brakes Magazine.
McCrackle-"That pair of trousers
reminds me Of the condition Of affairs
in Europe" McCorkle-''How SOP"
Melancholy has a worelike aspect"
--Hdrper's Bazaar.
Baritone at the piano sings, kiss
me, darling, In the spring. And the
fair accompanist murmurs softly.
What's the matter with doing it
now?"-Boston Gazette.
Are you making gratifying progress
in your literary work?" 20, yes. I've
got 10 the point now where the editors
will return my MSS. without my send.
ing stamps."-The Epoch.
Somebody estimates that it costs 4
fond father between 81, 600 and S.. 900
TO bring up a giri-but, bless you! she'i
worth it when she has been brought up
right-SomerUilte Journal.
Two Rutgers students have been sus.
pended and one expelled FOR removing
the clapper from the college bell. 1t
couldn't have been the latter that tolled
on Them. -Paiiadelphia Ledger.
Tubbs-'rm going to send my poem
to one of the big magazines" Merritt
That's considerable trouble. Why
don't you put it in an envelope and adj
dress II TO yourself?"--N Y. Sun.
Customer-'I say. uncle, how long
have you had these new-laid eggs in
stockp" Rastus-"I dunno ezacbly,
boss. You sees. Use only been wu'kin'
heah a month. Grocer.
Yeast-"What's Smithers playing in
now?" Crimsonbcak - Hamlet"
docs he enter into the spirit of the
pieceP" 20, yes; he isotaking the part
Of the Ghost. " onsers Statesman.
The reckless clearing away of forests
in New Hampshire is endangering our
water supply. This is very alarming,
in view of the fact that our other sup
ply is cut off by aw."-LotOeU Mail.
Tommy-"Paw, the paper says that
'Gray's Elegy' is a classic. What Is y
classic?' Mr.. Figg-''A classic? Why,
a classic is IA sort of highly respect
able chestnut. "-Terre Haute Express.
Teacher Ito dull boy in the CLASSY
(Which New England State has two
Capitalist" Boy - New Hampshire"
reacher-''Indeed! Name them Buv
Capital n and capital H."--Harper's
Bazaar.
Grope-'I found an empty pocket
book to-day" Tope - Great lucki
Where did you find its" Grope-'In
a beer saloon" Tope-"That's moth
ing; l find one there every night ~
brakes Magazine.
A Russian Nihilist is now serving
as conductor on n dining-car in this
country. A Nihilist, once he gets
started. is bound to have his fill Of
carnage, and he doesn't care whether
he does it with bombshells or biscuits"
Washington Post.
Lawyer drawing will)-"Your es-
tate is much smaller, sir. than is gen.
orally supposed" Sick Man-''Yes;
but keep that quiet until after the
funeral. want a good show of grief
stricken mourners. "-Chdtter.
THE present riding habit for ladies
is more becoming than that for gentle
men," says an exchange. Well, we
would Just say so! The gentlemen'e
riding habit, we believe, is to let the
ladies stand up onkers Statesman.
Mrs. Wickwire-'Of course I have
my faults and failings, but you should
be the last man to find them out"
| Mr.. Wickwire-"Well. I suppose ! am,
| but it is too late for the knowledge to
be of any use to me."-Terre Haate En-
press.
What was that awful yellp" said
Neersight as he walked along the street
with Sharper who stopped to assist q
| fallen man to his feet. 10, that was
only a banana peal" replied Sharper,
who was fond Of his little joke.-Bos-
ton Post.
Wickwire-'I am glad Nudge /.
about TO marry. hope ir will change
him. He has been going down hill fol
some time.n Mr.. N. Puck-"He won'
be any more. 1t will be an uphill
| business after he marries." - Ierr.
Haute Express.
Father" said a Senator's son wht
had Just arrived in Washington. II full
" realize that l have many shortcom'
lngs-r Yes. and l have nc donbI
that this is one of them. You are short
and are coming to tell me about it,
Washington Post.
Student (writing to his father)-"l
beg YOU. dear father, not for a minute
to think that l need this money to pay
debts with. give YOU nv word OF
nonor that L want it only Tor myself,
and that there is no question of debts
-FTiegende Btaetter.
There Is one face that is always be-
fore me- said Clarence as he stroked
the golden locks of his month-old wife,
.And that il -" Aud the timii
creature hung her dainty head, whils
the heartless wretch whispered: My
| oUu W o0kers SALESMAN