Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-06-18


Things that one would rather have
expressed differently. Photographer
Please look little pleasant, miss.
l know it's hard, but it's only for a
moment Punch.
George D" exclaimed Mrs. Fangle.
Don't bother me-" replied Fangle;
"I'm reading an absorbing article"
"What is it about?"
"Sponges. ."-Ex.
An appropriate question. Hoffman
Howes-Rocky. old boy, my heart is
lacerated.
Rockaway Beeche-Yes. And who
is the lass Puck.
Julia" queried her bashful lover,
"why do you wear such large button
on your waist belt :"
"You press the button" said Julia,
who owns Kodak, land I'll do the
rest."-Ex.
A chair between them. Simpson
had mighty close call last night.
Poor Simpson; he's always having
bad luck; what's happened him
He and his sweetheart sat in one
chair all the evening.-Light.
His first night in N. J. Parker"
cried his lordship, to his valet, "there
is man approaching to serenade us.
Can you catch the tune ?"
"You are wrong, me Lud,' return
ed Parker, "that's not band. That
is a mosquito. New York Sun.
Taking the census. Frenzied citi-
zen (to enumerator)-I hope, sir, you
have completed your inquisitorial list
of questions?
Enumerator-There's but one more.
Out with it.
Where did you get that hat PHO
neer Fress.
The confagration was apparent.
"We were talking about you last night
Mr.. Sissy"
81 thought so. NV ears burned"
"Did they, really Why, Ella,
perhaps that's what we thought was a
big fire. You know how the sky was
lit up.-Ex.
A disregard for the expense. Mr..
Boiler (who has been out little too
long)-C-can't we run in n-now?
Skipper-Got ter take another tack,
sir.
Mr.. Boller-Use t.the whole p-pa-
per of 'em if it'll fetch us any quick
er. I'll pay for 'em.-Judge.
Pedestrian-So you want work, do
you Well, you can get it by going
to that factory over there. There is a
placard on the door, saying there is
work for people of both sexes.
Tramp-Sorry, boss, but that don't
help me any. l belong only to one
sex.-N. Y. Tribune.
To suit the occasion. Well, my
dear, are you quite sure that the play
we are going to see tonight is quite
proper?
Entirely so. my darling; but why
do you ask ?
Because if | have to blush much
had better wear my scarlet corsage-
it would make prettier effect LEX
First philosophical tramp-Look al
the uneven distribution of wealth. Mr.
Astor cud give every man in tn coun
try $3.50 and he'd hev $3.50 left for
hisself
Second philosophical tramp-If he
would only do it, what blessing it
would be. You an | cud be bowling
drunk all day to-morrer.-New York
Weekly.
Stranger (to clerk in temperance
hotel)-You don't seem to have any
bar here {?
Clerk-No, sir, but all our room;
are fitted with electric bells. You
can 60 to your room, if you wish, sir
and have Kodak drink.
Stranger-A Kodak drink ! What
is that?
Clerk-You press the button, we dc
the rest.-Lowell Citizen.
If woma an does not like a man
she can chara cterize him as no man
ever could. A certain young man,
Mr.. Smith, was noted for an extraor-
dinary and perennial smile. One Of
his lady schoolmates described meet
ing with him thus: Gas l was going
out of church saw smile down by
the door; when / came nearer / dis.
covered that Mr.. Smith was around
it.---Christian Advocate.
81 tell you, this is great country
for education" said old Mr.. Pedant,
when he read in daily paper an ar
ticle headed "A Great Victory for
Yale !" "Our colleges are the best in
the world, and every young man should
have a college training" But when