The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1890-07-20
REGULATORS AT WORK
Prominent Citizens Who Propose 10
Right Some Wrongs.
An Interesting Meeting at Which
There Was a Feast of Rea-
o and a Flow
Of Soul.

LOT u mttliIK I'd bt Eeiu to-ufEnt - tift
purpose Of organizing a clan OF the I'm
perial Order of Regulators, about 30 well
known citizens met in the hall on the top
floor OF the Avalon soon after 8 O'Clock.
The gathering was i'm some respects a sur
prising one. Mayor Walton and W. j.
Penrose walked i'm linked arm in arm.
while close behind them came John Reed
with one of the Cannon boys fast hold of
either arm. The sensation produced by
these events had not passed away when
Phil Julian entered with a pitcher OF ice
water in his hand.
Just as the clock indicated the time of
8 80 o'clock, Colonel Curtis and Captain
Wyman started at headlong pace for the
chairman's table, which was at the east
end Of the room on a small raised plat
form. The colonel, however. proved
much more nimble than the captain,
reached the seat of honor first and raped
for order.
"Gentlemen,n cried Colonel Curtis, 1--WE
have met here for the purpose Of organ
izing a clan of the Imperial Order Of Reg
ulators. l haven'ta very distinct idea as
to what we are doing this for, but IL We
have any object at all il is to-ah-to reg.
ulate things. Our most important object
Is tn CotTft W oIiiNtIt
Wyman, IL would expedite matters greatly
IL you would nominate iGe for president"
"Your gall is simply Helena-,si." cid
Captain Wyman. general Warren was
just on the point of nominating me for
that office. IL is the unanimous desire of
this a~ssemblage that / be president, and
there will be trouble IL l don't get it,"
"This will never do, brothers." said
Colonel Curtis, frowning severely. ''If
we cannot regulate ourselves, how can We
expect to succeed i'm our mission of regu-
lating our fellow-citizens Of this great
city? To avoid painful rivalry, ! shall
retain the position myself until my sue
cessor is appointed"
James A. Murray, in the real of the
room VA weeping c~opiously.
This beats anything. ! ever heard of
before in Montana politics." he muir
INJURED.
AT the suggestion of the chairman,John
A. Cannon was chosen vice president,
Phil Julian secretary, and Ed. Booth
Now. brother Regulators, We are ready
for business said the chairman. "You
have a remarkably fine and efficient set
of officers"
Here Ed. Booth went out and bought
himself a cigar.
~ don't know how better selections
could have been made" continued the
president. As has already been stated,
our business Is to regulate things i'm this
city. There used to be a band of regula-
tors in Montana, and it did great good.
But that band has passed out
OF existence. and meanwhile many
abuses have grown up in our midst that
need regulating. The cows that meander
through u streets need regulating. The
refuse hat fills our alleys need regulat-
ing. The sidewalks need regulating.
Captain Wyman needs regulating. The
railroads need repulating-"
The free lunches need regulating"
cried Jim Murphy, enthusiastically.
"The saloons need regulating" con-
tinued the chairman as his cold eve gilt
tered banefully on Mr.. Murphy. Mr..
Murphy took refuge under the table.
"The census needs regulating" con-
tinued the chairman. "The republican
party needs regulating. The court needs
regulating. Everything needs regulating.
Our mission Is a glorious one-a sublime
one. If we fall in the fight. there will be
others TO MI our places. Now If anybody
has anything he wishes TO regulate, let
him speak forth"
"Grand Imperial Regulator" began
Colonel Bradshaw, rising majestically.
"The human frame needs regulating. I
notice that at the next meeting |
shall have a bill introduced to have shins
hereafter placed on the rear instead of
the foremost portion of the lower extrem-
itits. Iihs Nould DC u great. n utciueu
Improvement, N which would commend
our noble order to immortal remembrance
by future generations. In from of dozens
of stores in Main street and other streets
of on great city, boxes are left standing
with impunity and sharp edges. My shins
are black and blue with stumbling against
the boxes that infest our streets. If the
shins were conveniently placed out of
harms way. i'm the rear Of the leg,
his difficulty would be avoided,
IL is too much to ask our merchants to re-
the innumerabIe dry goods boxes.If
the Imperial Order of Regulators would
use its mighty influence, however,it could
doubtless succeed in a movement for the
protection of shins by a slight a~lterature
in the human anatomy. i shall present
my views on this subject more fully at the
next meeting. would suggest that this
is a dry meeting"
Phil Julian passed around with the
pitcher of ice water.
''Grand Imperial Regulator" started i'm
Geff Lavelle. 1.-THE Montana Union ROAD
needs regulating. The wagon road which
leads from the race track TO our believes
city is crossed 10y switch tracks of
that road. On days when there
are events OF interest at the race
track, scores of rigs are often kept wait
ing from 10 to Is minutes while switching
is going on over the tracks. This is an
intolerable nuisance to the people who
drive over b road and | kick in the
name Of humanity. III horses we're pro-
yided with wings. we might get past.
But horses have not wings ahd this thing
must be regulated. Besides my lumber
yard Is right down rear there"
James Is. Leahey mex got the floor.
"The board of trade is dead" he ex-
claimed. at is the deadest thing ! know
Of. II should be buried without further
delay. IL the board of trade is not dead.
] var to n o why IL isn't dead. | want
a bill passed for the regulation OF corpses
and to prevent all resurrection of the
dead. I want the board of trade 10 die
and stay dead.m
There was a crash. The remains Of
the gentlemanly regulator were placed in
charge of Undertaken Sherman.
"lf this Imperial Order Of Regulators