The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-02-13
WIT AND HUMOR.
A nickel in the hand is worth two in
tho clot Yrs,,e

A nickel i'm the hand is worth two in
the slot. Time.
Ii aiscourages Young mustache to
be called down. Pittsburg Ctronicle.
The saloon" he solemnly drawled
is the house that Jagg built. ."-Butalo
Courier.
Many youthful scion of wealth is
dependent on papa labor Bia9hdnatOa
Herald.
Lots wife was turned into pillar Of
salt because she was lots too fresh
Somercitle Journal.
1t is with love as with soup-the first
helping is always too hot and the last
too cold.-Judge.
How we admire the man who hap
pens to catch us when we are doing q
good deal on the slv.-AtchiSon GLOBE.
Never kick man when he is down.
It's waste of energy. Go for the
man who is climbing above you.-
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Canvasser-'I have here work that
goes off like hot cakes" Lady OF
the House, Please let me see it 60
of. ."-Munsey's Weekly.
Dentist-''Do you want to take laugh
ing-gas?" Visitor-"Not till after de
toof is out, boss-reckon I'll feel mo-
like laughin' den. Puck.
In the sanctuary all men are equal.
In the contribution box the punched
quarter jingies as loudly as the proud
est coin.-Binghamton Leader.
1t is cold, clammy thing to say, but
those people who treat friendship the
same way as any other selfshness get
most out of it. Atchison Globe.
Pies enough have been made in New
England this fall to supply all the rail-
way cars in the United States with
wheels for twenty years. !Somerrii|e
Journal.
A boost once in a while during life is
worth all the oratorical soft soap that
has been spread over the grave since
Adam turned up his toes. es.-Philddelphia
Inquirer.
He-..I see that another American
heiress is about to marry a Baron"
She-.What kind of a Baron?" He
Barren of Cash, of course. Morris
torn Herald.
Mrs. Van Jones-"George, l think
it is awful, your going out between
acts" Mr.. Van Jones-"Not half so
bad. dear, as coming in between
drinks. Time.
If spectacles could be fitted to men
whose minds are short-sighted there
would be less poverty, and possibly
not so much crime, in the world
Boston Transcript.
Politician Were you ever up for
out West?" Returned
Boomer-'O, yes; / was up twice"
Politician = What for?" Returned
Boomer-''Horse-stealing- and arson"
Life.
A man discovers more virtues i'll his
wife before he is married and after he
is divorced than he ever did in the
interim between these two periods in
his uncertain career.-Philadeiphta IN
Yutrer.
''Lot journeyed wearily ON said the
parson, with the fate of his poor wife
fresh in his memory" ''How could
that be" his little son asked him after
the sermon, when she was salt?'--
Bltrdette.
If it were only as easy for man to
understand IA woman as it is to love
her there wouldn't be any is Mar
riage Failure?' going the uneven
rounds of the public press. s.-Phitadet-
phja Inquirer.
Mrs. Wickwire-'I heard today that
Mrs. Figg called me vinegar-faced old
thing. The idea.' Mr.. Wickwire
(soothinglO-"O, well, she merely
meant that your face had no flies on it. y
Hautc Express.
First Broker-'.No fluctuations in
the dress market. ch, Plunger? Strong
effort to bull Partisan styles yct?'
Second Broker-..YeS and We singular
enough, the bare faction seems to pre-
dominate. -Richmond Dispatch.
Hobbs-'.Yes. suppose I do look
rather used up, but the fact is I've been
working pretty hard lately-consllm-
ing the midnight oil, you know" Fogg
i see. Been on a spree. You mean
the fusel oil."-B0stOn Transcript.
Mrs. Literary-"Do YOU believe with
the poet that reading makes full
man?" Mrs. Practical (sighing)-'I
don't know that reading makes full
man. but l am convinced that a club
does. ."-7eras Sittings.
Briggs-'.Y Young Smithers is friend
of yours,i is he not?n Braggs-''O.y yes"
he ever recite any of
his poetry to you?" Braggs-.:Cer
tainly not. Didn't l just tell YOU he is
a friend of ?n-Ierre Haute Er-
press.
Barber" Shampoo, sirp" Victim
mo. Haven't l suffered enough al
ready?n Barber-.'I never shaved but
one man who didn't have some fault to
find.n Victim-'.W he dumb?" Bar
ber-'.No. sir; he was dead. ."-Phiid-
dolphin Inquirer.
The great question now is. "Should
clergymen use tobaccoon We think
not. The clergy is absolutely over
worked testing and testimonializing
patent medicines. We shouldn't ex-
pect too much even of the clergy
Boston Transcript,
Cholly-"H / wish / was your
little dog!" Miss Flyppe-''That is
very laudable ambition. Mr.. Sophlcigh.
and does you credit, but | am afraid
You will have to be content with the
position nature has assigned you. y
Ierre Haute Express.
(Which cookies YOU rudder haf,
de vwones MT holes in de
needle or de vwones nit citron in de
meedle?' ~''Av it don't mahk ahnv diff
ference to yez, mem, Oi'll talk de ones
wild de citron. Dim fonder av citron
dan ay holes, mem. HGrper's Heel4g
Smith, 'Hello, Jones! Got any
thing to do yet9 If recollect Alright
you were out of employment" Jones
Yes. | got a very good job. | am
material for interiors"
Art decoration?n Jones
NO. I've turned cook. boston
Courier.
One way of convincing your wife that
you are a genius is to get your life in
sured. The larger the policy the