The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-10-10
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
What the farmer wants-the ca

What the farmer wants-the earth.
Will - ''And wouldn't the dealer
trust Buston; such a well known man,
too?" Bill-"Thats the trouble - he's
too we'll known. Yankee Blade.
Dem close OBJ yohn looks putty
new, how dye git emp" ''By de yahd,
same's an one else" "Humph! Sposes
you means de back yahd, doan yer?"-
Washington Post.
1--we made my will, Joseph, and it
is so we'll drawn it can't be broken" 81
rejoice to hear that, uncle" 81 don't
know whether you do or not, Joseph. 1
haven't left you a cent."-Harper's
Bazaar.
Don't you think it extravagant,
Henry, to pay ten guineas for diamond
ring for your wife?" Not at all; you
seem to forget how much l shall save
on her glove bill. Spare Moments.
-Doctor-"This is terrible fracture.
I shall have to cut off the arm close to
the shoulder" Tramp-"Whoopla! Let
her 90. | can't saw any wood then, can
| l, doctor?"-Boston Herald.
| -Teacher-"I hope you don't waste
any of your spare moments, Tommy"
Tommy--"No, ma'am. | don't. During
my spare time this week, l have read
three novels in the Bloody Bill Series"
Yankee Blade.
| When a man wants to believe in
| ghosts, and is ashamed to. he believes
in hypnotism. Many a man who can
not control his own mind talks gravely
of controlling the minds of Others
| Atchison Globe.
In the Janitor's Room. the land
lord has gone mad, you say?" so, yes,
they took him to Bloomingdale to-day"
"But did he show it plainly?" Ger
tainly, he had lowered the rent of every
fiat. Courier DIES Etats-Unis.
| -Grinand Barrett-"I went into the
barber shop just now to get combed, and
they charged me fifty cents. What do
you think of that?" Saysit Anyhowe-
81 think the fool and his money are
parted. Van Dorn's Ma razine.
ut Was Worth Looking At.-"You
dashed this off in an idle moment, sup
pose" remarked the editor as he looked
at the manuscript. mo, sir; / worked
at that for month" "Indeed! I'll
|
Gray e Co. S Monthly.
Country Editor--"Jim, understand
that old stone building at the cross
roads is to be torn down" The Printer
Yep, they begin tomorrow" Coun-
try Editor-"Well, just slip around and
put live toad in the wall. We must
have something to fill up with this
week. IN. Y. Weekly.
II called to see your father this af-
ternoon," remarked Charlie, as he took
a seat in the parlor. Hester fluttered
visibly. Recovering herself with an
apparent effort, she said, simply; did
you?" Eyes" replied Charlie. HE
has been owing our firm little bill for
some time. "-Washington Post.
1t is stated that man in California
has two pairs of ears. A wise provision
of Providence, no doubt to enable him
to get tho worth of high-priced opera.
If this popularity should multiply in
his descendants it may be possible after
awhile for somebody to come out even
with the telephone company. - Rams
| Horn.
-Caller-"Is there any thing more 1
can do for your Comfort Mrs. Muggers?"
Mrs. Muggers very deaf and nearly
blind -'Only one thing. Wouldn't you
introduce me to some of the society
young ladies?" Caller-"With pleasure.
No doubt they will be glad to be of as
sistance." Mrs. Muggers-''Yes, you
see l get tired staying at home and Pm
very sure if they knew how am afflicted
they'd be glad to take me on all their
little excursions, as chaperon." - Good
News.