The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-03-18
BILL NYE ON A ANoE.
He Tries His Hand at Punting and
Goes Overheard.

OAoO la - 0ASS IAAOO AoN
tried the sunlit waters of nearly every
American river before it came to visit this
quiet but rather noted English stream.
Harry Welcome padded and I smoked an
American cigar. l did not paddle, for
the reason that I do not know how. 1
enjoy industry, but there are lines of in
duStry with which 1 am not familiar. This
is one of them. To paddle a birch-bark
canoe so that it will run straight is not an
industry, however. It is an art. Punt
ing seemed to be more in my line. Punt
ing looks more simple. Punting on the
Thames is conducted by means of a long
pole and a fat bottomed gondola.
The puntlSt rams this pole into the bot
tom of the river, and by a dexterous push
lightful gait. l had poled a raft on the
Upper Mississippi, broken a Jam and been
a director on a rope ferry twenty-five
years ago, so L knew enough of aquatics
to punt, [ should say. Mr.. Fisher said
[ might punt awhile, so he yielded his
place to me. l rose to my full height,
and as [ did so, barring my brow to the
soft kiss OF the cloVer-scented afternoon.
l was recognized by other Americans
who were assisting me last summer in
making times easy in Paris and also in
bringing about an era of prosperity in
London. A round of applause greeted
me from along the river bank also, for l
am almost as we'll known abroad as I am
in my w country, and, in fact, all sum
mer long it was nip-and tuck between me
and old Bullion Jay to see which would
get the most press notices.
So I bowed a DelSarte bow and spat
on my hands in a languid way. Another
burst of applause that echoed down past
the lock and out towards Hampton Court
swelled my heart with a ~pardonable pride
as I raised the punt pole high in the air,
and socked it into the brunette bosom of
the historical stream, The swift and
rather slick craft shot away with it's gay
and well-dressed burden, but I did not
Join them. Remained.
The punt pole has a tendency to stick
in the clay bottom of the Thames, but I
did not know this. Clinging to the pole,
of course I missed my connection with
the boat, and a loud PUNK, followed by a
merry peal Of laughter, closed the sad
scene. I did not furnish the laughter. I
supplied the PUNK.
A beautiful but rather impulsive dog
belonging to Mrs. Sheldon plunged in and
saved my life. He dragged me out on
bank by my clothing, as he thought, no
doubt, but my clothing was not so thick
as he had supposed. That is, if a dog
ever supposes. So I will always carry the
marks of that rescue ever to my grave.
Dogs are very intelligent animals, but they
do not know always to a dead moral GER
tainty whether one has his winter or sum-
mer fannels on.
Punting is a very healthful exercise, but
n should have a set of dry clothing at
hand, so that he may change as soon as
he gets his punting done.
But | started out to say that a nong the
faces [ seemed to recognize was n that
was very English, and vet | thought 1
had seen it in America. 1t was the face
of a man of forty odd, I would say. 1t
was the face of a very homely woman on
the shoulders and body of a man. The
features were as plain as those of a hippo
potamus in repose, but when lighted up
with a smile they were as beautiful as
those of a pariah. The hair was abundant
and about the color of a maple caramel
that has been exposed to the elements all
summer. 1t had evidently been worn
long, but had been cut off at the neck by
means of a pinking iron and a set of bur-
glars tools. His complexion was opaque
and his teeth hung in rich clusters on the
outside of his mouth when he smiled. He
wore an Elton cap and lolled back in the
canoe while a talented hired man at three
bob a day and a shandygaff padded the
frail bark along the Thames and exhibited
this gifted curiosity to the wondering
crowd. The gifted curiosity was Oscar
Wilde.
I met him in the Territories twelve or
more of a couture at that time. Since
then he has stuffed a sofa pillow with it.
His hair at that time clustered around a
horses face apparently and he wore a
genuine store sombrero. 1t was too new
to look comfortable, as he had bought it
at Tie Siding. Os. wore a liver -colored
cravat and a look of intense melancholy.
1 gave him a large green and gold card of
mine, print in our new job office by
a bright young artist who had fed two or
three of his most desirable fingers to our
large blue job press while trying to pick
a dodger out from amorg it's back teeth.
Mr.. Wilde said "Ahr' 1 said we have
a beautiful climate here, and then he re-
peated his former statement.
l said: " GU can trust me, oscar. L
will not betray you. What you say will
be as between man and man. If you do
not want it printed and would like to keep
it in the background and finally run for
office and give us a safe, Harrison admin
i~stration, for instance, as free from tur-
MOL as a great god of oatmeal mush in a
weary land, | will respect your wishes"
He again "Ah-edI" and, producing a
large silk handkerchief, the color of the
coating to the stomach of al habituaI
drunkard, he wiped his wide waste of
nose. Then he went in the car and fast
ened the door, to indicate that the inter-
view was at an end.
Since then l have always regarded
Oscar Wilde as a greatly overestimated
man. BILL NYE.
How the Kicker Man Settled His
Tibo1 Noca Ono Of the first libel SuitS