The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1890-05-08
The Courting Of a Widow.


propounds very interesting question:
IT am a widow. My husband has been
dead thirteen months. A gentleman of
high standing, independent position and
most honorable reputation, whom I have
known personally for many years, desires
to pay me his addresses with view to
marriage, and has frankly asked permis-
sion to do so. Is it proper for me to con.
sent?- Or does he display a lack Of
courtesy and good manners in making
such advances so soon after my husbands
death ?''
Under the conventional rule of society
widow may marry again year after the
death of her husband. That implies, of
course, that she may be wooed sooner,
and how much sooner depends on the
state of her heart. 1t may happen, and
it often does happen, that the very pro.
foundity of her grief and the depth of her
attachment to the lost, render her pecu-
liarly susceptible to new demonstrations
of affection. Her wounded spirit Graves
sympathy and consolation, and iu her
loneliness and despair she feels the need
of a strong arm to lean upon and trust
ing heart upon which to rely. Her weeds,
her down cast eyes, her gentle sorrow,
patient suffering, and attitude of depen-
dence make powerful appeal to every
manly breast, especially if she be young
and pretty. Such widow is always in
teresting, oftentimes absolutely irresisti-
ble Even the loveliest of maidens may
we'll look upon her as dangerous rival,
though she enters into no formal corape-
ton with them, and invites tender regard
by reason of the charm of her widowhood
only.
How soon after her bereavement these
evidences of her power will bring reel
ing of pleasure to the mourning heart Of
widow, depends probably on circum-
stances and her temperament. Some
people rebound sooner than others. In
case the man capable of restoring
elasticity to the unstrung heart may be
close at hand, and in another he ma7 be
long in coming. Mere concern for
conventionality may lead one widow to
stife any new affection as soon as it has
birth, while another will tend and
cultivate it, howsoever great may be sell
accusation. The feeling of the duty Of
grief for the dead may be more irrepres-
sible in one than another, and yet the
reality of the mourning in each NAV be
the same.
Therefore we say to the inquiripg
widow of New jersey, consult your own
heart in this matter. 1t has evidently
been touched. You would not write 10 us
otherwise. The affection which you have
awakened brings joy to your mind, despite
its misgivings, and those misgiyiugs
come not so much from the memory Of
the dead as from fear that you will over
step propriety if you don't entertain them.
As for the man who would WOO you,
who seems already to have already wooed
you to good purpose, we applaud his
spirit and admire his method, so bold, SO
frank, aud so straightforward. He haa
not beaten about the bush with hints,
sighs, amorous glances and timid forebo-
dings, but has advanced directly and
courageously to the attack. he is in love
with you, wants to marry you, and he has
told you so in plain words.
Is that to display a lack of courtesy
agd good manners ?" 1t is to show the
highest courtesy and good manners. If he
has come too early, if your heart is still
in the grave, you have only to tell him &c
as squarely as he has told you of his
living affection. But manifestly he ha:
not come too soon, and he honors you BY
| his profIer.
May the sun shine gloriously in New
Jersey on the wedding day, and may JOY
attend yous new venture into matrin1ony
l-Wc,u York Quu