The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1890-12-18

ming Tor SUeallnB from Une UTuB SUOTe vi
Shefman, bottle of Sulphur Bitters
Before the court this morning, upon be-
ing asked why he should steal, he stated
that his mother was troubled with rheu
matism, and it was the only medicine
that helped her, and being out of money
and work was the cause of his stealing
As this was his first offence he was put
on probation.-Ne1drk Neics.
Editor-in- Chief-Is that new man good
for anythingp
Managing Editor-He is evidently ar
old and experienced journalist. His first
editorial begins: 1.-The political pot has
begun to boil"
A Genuine Surprise-Amy: l suppose
Mr.. Funniman, that you get your ideas
from different sources?
Mr.. Funniman, the well-known humor
ist-Oh, yes! You'd be surprised to heal
where some of them come from.
Amy Out of your own head, for in
stance. ....
Pulpit Announcements. - Editors
wife, to husband just returned from
church, You are late. You must have
had longer sermon than usual.
Editor-No; there was about the ordi-
nary amount of news matter and editor
ial, but there was an unusual rush Of
advertisements.
HOW 1T wAsi
At the battle of Gettysburg l was shot
through the left leg and was sent to the
hospital. The army surgeon relieved me
but pronounced my case incurable. II
discharged pieces of bone, and for years
| have suffered from running sore.
tried everything which my limited
means would allow, and experienced nc
relief until l tried Sulphur Bitters. ]
am now almost well and shall continue
their use.-Old Soldier.
The infant reason grows apace and
calls for one more application of that
good friend, Salvation Oil, which never
disappoints but always kills pain.
1t Is neither pleasant nor profitable to
hear people constantly coughing when
they could be easily cured by 25 cent
bottle of DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup.
Tomson, writer-I received ten dol.
one day to write it.
Jackson, subscription paper fiend-
Ten dollars in one day, sixty dollars in a
Come now, Tomson, don't tell me you
can't afford to subscribe ten dollars in
aid of the Home for Aged Horses. Put
your name right here on this line, please.
For Over Fifty Years.
AN OLD AND WELL-TRIED REMEDY Mrs. Wins
lows Soothing Syrup has been used for over
FIFTY YEARS by MI Lions OF MoTHERs for theiI
CHILDREN WHILE TEETHIHG, with PERFECT Sue
CESS. 1t SoOTHEs the CHILD, SoFTEEs the GUNS
ALLAYs all PAIN; CURE. WIND collie, and Is the
best remedy for DIARRHoEA. Sold by Druggists
in ev cry part of the world. Sc sure and ask fol
MRs WrNsLow's SOOTHING SYRUP. and take nc
other kind, Twenty-Five cents bottle. i7yi
The Idiot Reporter-''We'll have to
dispense with your services after to-day
said the editor.
whats the matter now," asked the
idiot reporter.
Aren't you that man who wrote up
the coffin holocaust?'
Eyes"
"Well, we don't want man who saws
in that connection that fortunately none
of the collins were occupied, so no lives
were lost Your place is ON a comic pa
per or in lunatic asylum"
"What becomes of the wicked humor
lists when they dep
"They go into the roasted chestnut
business, / fancy"
II am writer of note" as the Kansas
farmer said when he signed another. in.
terest coupon on his mortgage.
Pleasing Everybody-"The Kdzoo II
doing great and good work in expos.
ing the dives" said the Rev. Jinx. ,1
"And what spicy reading it makes, y
put in Mr.. Footlights.