Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1890-10-17
Bill Snort on the Tariff.

Dill snort, WHO Writes lcNNSIS lOi thV
National Democrat of Washington, has
found a farmer who favors high
protective tariff. His name was
Smithers, and he came all the way
from Indiana 10 see the President.
He said that hewas a highprotectionist
and a farmer. He tried 10 make me
believe that high tariff was beneti-
cial TO the farmer.
Look here, Smithers," said |, you
remind me of some darkies down in
Texas. They were taken in as badly
aS you are
How was that - he asked.
There was white man named
Jackson in Austin, Texas, who was a
pretty sharp fellow, and the way he
used to fool those darkies was simply
scandalous. For instance he perSua-
ded them that fourth of the cotton
crop was bigger than a third and
did business with them on that basis,
but the worst trick he ever played on
those poor darkies was during rise
in the Colorado river. He played it
on those poor niggers very much like
the high-tarifr barons play ii on you
farmers
"In what wayg'
You see the river was high, and II
brought down lots Of drift wood, a
big lot of sawed lumber from a saw
mill perhaps hundred miles up the
river. 1t was what we lawyers call
flotsam and jetsam.'
We'll, what neXtT'
This Major Jackson was standing
on the bank Of the river and saw all
this valuable lumber floating down
the river, so he concocted plan TO
get il. There was a lot OF darkies on
the bank, and he called out TO them,
Come on, boys; I've get job for
you. Wade in now and pull out all
this lumber and I'll give you dram
of whiskey." How those niggers
worked. They rushed into the water
and rsked their lives, but they pulled
out lots of lumber, which Major Jack
son sold for about three hundr ed
dollars. One Of the darkies who had
worked very hard for his dram OF
whiskey met old Uncle Nose and
told him about the transaction.
80 you pulled all dat lumber out
de water, and spilled yer clothes, aud
Majah Jackson got de lumber anc
you got the dram, didn't yerT'
Oats hit, Uncle Nose
"Well, jess tell me-did Majah
Jackson have any noah right ter dat
lumber den you had?'
Don't bleeve he had, now | come
to fink Of hit
Does Majah Jackson own de Col
orado ribber what fetched down de
lumberT
lob course not.
Did he own de land on the bank
of de ribber whar you haulded de
lumber outen de waterf'
mo, recb on not
Den whafTor did you fool niggers
let him hab de lumber forr Dat
lumber berlonged TO youens jess as
much as hit did ter him, but jess be-
kase he tole yer ter do all de work,
while he tuck all de money, yer went
and did hit fer dram oh whiskey."
The visitor from Indiana made out
as if he couldn't see the point, so eX-
planned il to him. said:
The stream of prosperity which
this country enjoys brings down n
great deal OF wealth. You farmers
work day and night, and should have
fair share Of it, but you havn't got
it. The monopoIists and proprietors
of protected industries are rolling in
wealth, which they get without an
effort. They stand on the bank and
tell you to pull the lumber out OF the
river. and you are fools enough to do
it. and you are willing TO keep on do
ing it TO the Of end the chapter.
The old visitor didn't like my talk
at all. 1t leaked out that he was
distant relative Of Mrs. Harrison, and
wanted to see the President about
getting an Office.
Look here, says !, don't you
fool away your time trying to get an
Office. You are the only relative OF
the Harrison's that is not provided
for. You are priceless freak and can
get your own price as such in dime
museum.