davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
How the Joke Was Eyened.

We had new master IN W AGA
deny, New Hampshire, says II. Red
wood, in the New York Mercury, when
[ WAS pupil there not many years
ago, with whom we promised ourselves
some sport, before we got &lrough with
him the first morning he faced us in
the classroom. He was a moderate
sized, rather delicate man, with q
mild, defensive sir that seemed to
appeal to our generosity to make his
life less of burden to him than we
had made that of his predecessor.
He appeared to fear we would carry
him out of the building or spring some
sort of mine under his feet for the
first few days, and he eyed Wilkins
Sharp, our ringleader in all mischief,
with a sort Of carea9s though he felt
completely at his mercy,
Things moved on with half-hearted
uncertainty for about week. The
master held such a lax grasp of the
reins of authority that we expected to
make him step down and out within a
few days at the furthest. His reading
of lengthy chapter from Chronicles
or Deuteronomy every morning before
prayers was a grievance which the more
active spirits determined to redress.
We knew there was fun on hand, of
what nature the majority of us were
ignorant, when we went into the class
room one morning in the second week
A loud bray greeted us, which we an
swered with shouts of laughter. A DON
key stood in the masters place at the
desk before the open Bible, with a
huge pair of ty-rimmed glasses
straddling his nose and ludicrously
solemn expression of countenance, as
if he wished to bear the honors thrust
upon him with becoming dignity.
We We're all in our seats trying to
smother the mirth, when the master
came in. He walked up to the desk as
usual, and seemed to look right
through that animal without seeing
him. Behold thy brother!" staring
at him from the board made no impress
sion on his optic nerve. He stood upon
the right of the desk, looking down
upon us without a word AS we
watched he seemed to rise inches be-
yond his usual height. His eyes fairly
blazed behind his glasses. His mild,
defensive air changed to such mastery
aggressiveness that we fairly quaked
before him.
Presently he brought his glance
round upon Wilkins Sharp and concen-
tratcd it on his face. Those orbs of
fame seemed to scorch him. His face
redeemed, as if he had been pulling
chestnuts out of the fire.
wilkins Sharp, come here!" said the
master.
Wilkins obeyed with look of bra,
vado.
"Ride that donkey out of the room!"
Wilkins did not move to obey with
alacrity.
DO you want a lift?" inquired the
master, and in flash, by some dexter
Gus movement of arm and boot that
fairly dazzled us, Wilkins was boosted"
upon the creatures back and was on
his way to the door amid roar of
laughter.
We looked at the master. He had
relapsed into his usual calm
Nov that we are rid of the donkey
and his brother" he said, as he turned
over the leaves of the Bible leisurely,
"wc will read the third chapter OF
Leviticus."
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

in homespun. She rose as MILFORD
came in, responding to his bow with q
queer little bob of her head, and then
withdrew into the kitchen.
The room in which MILFORD found
himself was large ard trinity kept. A
bedstead stood in one corner, while q
row of rush bottom chairs, table and
a spinning wheel completed the stock
of furnitdrc. On the log walls Of the
cabin were tackled n few unframed
photographs of family relations, while
on the mantel was little mirror in a
plne-cOne frame.
Mrs. Melton returned presently, and
began to spread the table for supper
While bri ging in the last dishes, q
large, bony. and sallow girl ran into
the room, her garments dripping with
rain and clinging close to her stalwart
frame.
"Whoop-ee. but wusn't / skeercd!"
The lightnin' struck tree not -"
She stopped short on seeing Viii
ford. her eyes flashed with anger,
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
Caught Manning.

Stranger-Beg pardon for interrupt
ing, but you probably noticed in the
papers this morning that Lord Nabob
who is on q visit to this county, met
with an accident in the park yester-
day. He is a stranger here, and some
prominent citizen like yourself should
see that he receives proper atten-
ton.
Business Man (much fiattered)-
Really, 1 had not thought much of it,
but
Stranger-You probably noticed in
the paper, too, that six persons We're
injared yesterday in a subway ex.
plosion.
why, yes. Were there any lords
among them?
Possibly. No telling. Two men
We're killed yesterday by electric
wires"
Il noticed that; but"
"And number of persons We're run
over"
"Yes, but the lord"
"Ah, yes. The Lord wills, and we
must bow; but our families should not
he forgotten, sir; and as we are hour
ly exposed to these dangers, thought
possibly you might wish to get in.
sured in the 'Sure-Pop Life and Acct
dent Company of which I am an
agent. "-NeW York Weekly.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
The Conscientious Broker.

/ heard q very clever story on a
prominent broker q few days ago
man whose name j am not at liberty to
discuss, though | may say that he is
we'll known as picture buyer This
broker had some mining stock which
he had long regarded as worthless, and
one day when he found an opportunity
to get rid of it at pretty fair consid-
GRAFTON, he was very happy. That very
night, however, after he went home, he
received q telegram announcing that
this mine, of which he had sold the
stock, had developed lead of extraor-
binary richness. An hour afterward
the purchaser of the stock received
telegram from the broker, who desired
to see him Immediately upon a subject
of great Importance. The buyer called
and was told by the servant that the
broker was very i'll and could not be
seen.
But I must see him I have been
sent for by him not half an hour ago"
The servant went upstairs and
brought back word that the visitor
might go up.
The broker was in bed, moaning with
pain. The lights We're turned low.
When the visitor entered the broker
began:
MY dear Jones, I have had to-day
another of the dreadful attacks 1 am
subject to, and l am afraid this last
one is going to do me up I sent for
you to confess that I have taken ad-
vantage of you in business transact
ion, and | want to make PREPARATION be-
fore L die. That mining stock | sold
you to-day was really worthless, and l.
troubles me that took advantage of
YOU"
"Oh, nonsense; that is all right. 1
didn't pay you much for it and | can
easily sell it to somebody else"
mo, that will not do. I want to
take it back and pay you back your
money. can't rest until | have made
this right"
"Oh, well if you feel that way, of
course L will give you it back"
Every WELL and while l am able to
sign check will prepare one, and, in
the meanwhile, you can bring back the
stock"
The visitor went home, got the stock,
and returning it, received the check
which the now utterly exhausted brok-
er had filled out for him. He went
away musing upon the vicissitudes of
human life and filled with profound
sympathy for the sorrowing family of
the rapidly sinking broker.
And the broker? The moment his
customer was out of the house he leap
ed out of bed and gleefully danced
around the room in manner that
would have aroused the envy of Car
mencita could she have seen it. But
the customer, next day, when he learn
ed of the rise in the value of the stock,
metaphorically kicked himself for his
in being taken in by brok-
er's Conscience. '-Mi1araeapolis Trib
une.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

style of trimming is still popular in grave
yard decorations.
Plain oak is tho most popular style of
furniture at present, and takes the lead in
the sixteen different kinds OF wood now IN
the market G ompleto chamber sets In ASH
Georgia pine. California redwood, maple.
walnut. birch, cherry, mahogany oak, ep-
ony, rosewood, sycamore, white mahogany
satinwood, lutternut. and olive can DO
found at the leading furniture houses in the
city.
I'VE find that plain oak polished has the
preference over all the oth rs, said sales
man III O Wabash avenue house. This IS
the case with the masses, us well as our
more aristoCratic Gust om2rs Fancy carved
work in cham Der suits is no LONGER IN de-
mand, and some even prefer the dull shellac
finish instead of polished goods. In din ng-
room furnishings tho chairs are not so
high backed as formerly, and the round
dining table takes the leaf. though the
square ones are still being used. ! he va
riety Of sideboardS is now so extensive
that tho people are no longer building them
into their houses rs they can buy any style
they want ready-made.
One of the very latest novelties Is the
genteman's Oriental shaving cabinet. 1t IS
called the gentleman to distinguish
1t from the ladies shaving cabinet, when
will be out soon.
The cabinet is OF antique oak. sixteenth
century finish. four feet Ii gh and two feet
wide, fitted with drawers and oakerS Tor
lather, razors, tow IS, ana WnetSloheS.
The top is surmounted by ii small mirror
set iii Il carved frame and hung on swivels.
1t is a handy thing to have in the house,
and is mounted on rollers so that it can be
moved at will. If the gentleman doesn't
want TO shave in a certain room he can
shove the machine into anoth r part OF tho
house. The drawer handles and hinges arc
of oxidized brass, tho hinges which are on
the locker extending half way across the
door.
Another cabinet is combined barber.
shop, wardrobe, dressing case. and
ehtffonier of antique oak, paneled, ii on
trimmings. and carved doors. 1t is con-
silerably larger than the Oriental cabinet
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
" Yo' will. "

"Yo' will"
Il tell You. pop, won't"
"Yo' wuthless wench III 1arn We
who's boss. I'll beat you till the blood
runs down yer legs, so hep me"
Running to distant corner of tho
main room he caught up gnail,d
hickory cane and fastened back to the
kitchen
"Where's Nance?" he demanded of
his wife
"She done put out while yo' WINS
lookin' fer yer stick" WAS the answer.
"The slut! I'll find her an wallop
her like I would dog"
Stay, sir" cried MILFORD, as Melton
opened the door. "Stay, sir! Surely
You wouldn't strike woman?'
Il wouldn't, Ell? I'll whip her like
dog, ] tell yo' Stand back" and
tearing himself loose from the grasp
of hi; guest, he rushed out into the
darkness ard was swallowed up il the
night.
Suddenly wild scream rang high
over the roaring of the wind in the
pines-a scream so pitiful that Wilfo.d
rushed off in the direction from
whence it came.
Help! help! holpl"
1t was won.an's voice-Nance'
voice-and MILFORD hurried forwari
through tho binding rain and dark
ness of the wretched night, till h
stood in front of the towering boulder
that shut in the still.
Damn yo'" he heard Melton pant
"yo'll disgrace yo'self aa' yo' fambl
afore stT, gers agin, will yo'? Vol
jine the Me hodisses, will yo'?" AMI
with that he struck his daughter
fearful blow, cauring her to reel fer
ward at the feet of the young man.
"Dog!" cried MILFORD, devil! TAX
that" and throttling Melton, he dashc.
him against the rocky wall and strucl
him between the eyes.
Melton drew u revolve~, but, befor.
he could use it, Wiifo!d wrested i
from his hand. and knocked him head
long into the shelter of the still.
Hal" cried MILFORD, as vivid hasl
of Lightning revealed the character
his surroundings. "A moonshiner,
see. Though as much" and, takin,
a pair Of handouts from his pocket
he clasped them on the wrists of TIN
PROSTATE man.
you will come with me-" he con
tinned, dragging his prisoner iato tn,
open air. "You will come with me
1 have been looking for this still
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

yours since last December, but J
wouldn't have found it if you hadn'
been the brute that you are"
Stunned, confused, the old mai
staggered to his feet
what is hit, daddy? Why dom
yo' speak?"
1t was the daughter who spoke
was thu bruised and bleeding daughte
who now flung her apron around thu
old man, and kissed his wrinkled face
Hits all up with we'uns, Nance
answered the old man in husky voice
Hits all up with we1O'. This feller''
detective"
Il knowed hit, daddy knowed hit
He's been prov lin round hyar all day
Id a-told yo', but l seed lie hadn't dis
ki7ered the still, an [ didn't want hi,
blood on yo' hands. But" and she
Kissed the words through her SCI
teeth, I'D warned yo' when I wen'
home eff Id knowed hit d come tel
this"
The party went back to the cabin
and at daybreak MILFORD prepared tt
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
STUFF AND NONSENSE.

SET in her ways-a brooding hen.
A swALLow-TAIL-the story of Jonah
Snd the whale.
FIRST mattress-How do you feel?
Second mattress-Full as o tick.
THE monkey goes to the sunny side
of the tree when he wants "a warmer
climb.
PRAYERS may go begging for on
answer but "What'll you have?" never
does.
PUTIN patched dime in the collec-
ton box is like buyin' a scalpers ticket
to heaven.
Sour la Jay Gould-take little
then put in the lamb.
TEACHER = Anonymous means
without a name Give an example,
Miss Griggs." Miss Griggs-"My baby
sister is anonymous.
LoAFER - How are you? just
thought I'd drop in while to kill
time. Busy Maxwell, we don't want
any of our time killed.
BRowN-How time flies. Jenkins
am not aware of its speedy passage.
B.-Then you have not note to pay.
J.-No; L hold yours.
BLooDGooD-Silbya always reminds
| me of a breeze that comes before a
summers rainstorm. Travis-Why?
Because" answered Bloodgood, "he
| is SO fresh.
"THIs is little late for you to be out,
isn't it, Peck? Aren't you afraid your
wife will miss your" Mr.. N. Peck
hope she will. She can fling things
pretty straight, though.
Mrs. HINTON (recently married.
Did you know my husband was very ill?
Miss Carrington-I suppose ne must be,
my dear. Before he married you he
told me 1 had broken his heart.
VIsIToR-to bereaved widow Your
husband, understand, was killed in
factory? Widow-Alas, yes; poor dear
William was reckoned smart man,
but he didn't know much about fly
| wheels.
STATIoN-MAsTER-Come, come, my
good man, you mustn't wal. on the
track. Tramp (disgustedly)-The con.
ductor says / can't ride, and you say
can't walk What's your blamed old
road here for, anyway?
WILLIE wonder why can't make
my kite fly? Elder sister-Perhaps
the caudal appendage is dispropor-
tomato to the superficial area. Willie
I don't think that's it. 1 believe there
isn't weig hit enough on the tail.
Mrs. STATEsMAN-Do you know, sir,
| That ,-o,, oo ma homo Ia ~ Dirht in Jt
| tcrly disgraceful condition? Mr.. States
man Swallowing about quart of wa
| teri Woman, do you know that the
time of year has arrived when the
country"has to be saved again?
Mrs. SK1NNpHL1Nr t Josiah, don't
| YOU think Johnny's hair needs cutting?
MIR. Skinnfint docking up from his
paper)-How long is it till Christmas?
A little over five weeks. (Resuming
his paper)-All right, I'll give him
haircut for Christmas present.
A COMPLICATED FUNERAL.
o bury my arms in dear Mexico.
And bury my henrt in the South.
o bury my legs in the State OF New York,
In Georgia please bury my mouth.
For hrve been married at least four
times,
To spouses who've laid down their lives.
And now that I'm dead l wish to be
| placed
At the side Of my various wives.
BRowN-And so you have got first
rate cook? What paper did you adve:-
tise in? Fogg-Didn't advertise in any.
My wife told Mrs. Gray We wanted a
girl, but made her promise not to tell
anybody. "Well?" well, we had
the door-bell ringing for fortnight
from morning till night. Nc less than
hundred applications for be place"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

A novel cure was effected by the use
OF the dynamo recently at West-gate
on-Sea., England. A Mr.. Brown was
fitting false bottom to a CRATE, and,
while chipping it to make it fit, very
small splinter of iron flew off and
struck him in the eye. An electrical
engineer who met him shortly after,
feeinS his plight, took him to dynamo
that was working near by. Brown
placed his eye as close as possible to
the machine, and the magnetic attrac-
ton was sufficiently intense to with
draw the splinter of iron from the eve.
which was instantly relieved and which
gave no farther trouble.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

ROBBED astheticallv. Regular patrons
are asked to be chary about recc1n-
nending new people, and unless the
would be" is properly presented she
@can't be-" and that ends tho matter.
But the sweet ways a patroness can
be taught! Shade of the gui.eless
Martha Washington There's the Pic
cadilly walk, for Instance, that requires
a free leg from the knee, and rotary
motion at the hip, with a three-quartcr
side ADVANCES the lesson says. Mas
ter the formula and Won save ten dol
lars Then, there's the hollow hack,
which is as hard to master as a table
of logarithms. It will be remembered
that the hustle was dropped like a
flash, and all of sudden the rubbors
we're unbuckled and away went the
offenders, leaving the style fiat, the
gown flatter, and the girl the hattest
thing in clothes. For awhile she was
afraid to sit back in the cars. But
that didn't hurt anybody's eyes. The
tror bic began when she stood up or
walked about with her stomach ont
and her back as hollow as a grace
hoop. Madam puts her patrons in
training for week, ut five dollars an
houi, walking first in her night gown,
and by degrees through and into her
clothes, rounding off With a full even
lag dress.
Another costly lesson is the stage
laugh, warranted to sound we'll, to
ring unsteady, and to prevent wrin
k!cs. 1t has been proven that merli-
ment and hearty laughter is more pro-
ductivc of wrinkles than care or the
cruel touch o. Time. The instructrcss
does not pretend to remove the fur
rows already ploughed about the eyes
of beauty, but she does claim that her
method will keep the face in rcpose,
and while it remains so the creases will
he insignificant. She gives the pupil
q handglass, seats her in mirrorl lined
corner, and commands "a quiet face.
Then she gets funny paper, for
which the very cream Of visibility is
selected, and rs she reads the Ii tcner
is expected to look in the mirror and
laugh, if at all, with the lower part OF
her face. "Move your lips and chin,
and open your mouth if your teeth are
good, but keep the muscles of your
eyelids rigid" The expression FRO
duccd is simply Gendish. and if the
laugh is not a vocal shudder it is OF
the cylindrical sepuicmal sort with
which al thcater-goers are familiar.
In the traiui G it is necessary to bind
the checks and temples with strips Of
court-plaster, and the mockery of it
all would be ridiculous if it wasn't so
serious But there's good even in
humbuggery, and loud laughs are cut
down, harsh voices sweetened, and
gratuitous advice given in making
faces" tinting ears and lips, and dye
ing hair, At the rate of fifteen dol
lars sitting. Madame can afford to be
magnanimous.- York letter
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

and she ran out Of the room rs I'M,
tremendously MS she had come into it.
"Ihet thar's my darter Nance" re
marked old Melton; "an' she's the
smartest gal IN these hyar mountings
She WIS sorter set back when she seed
yo', but she'll come in arter crw lille an
play US chune on the oreanette.
Nance is a powfu hand ut the organ.
cite, Nance is"
"Supper's ready" voachsafed Mrs.
Melton, in high, cracked voice. "Sit
thar, stranger, an reach fer yo'self"
Old Melton bowed his head, snid
grace with all the gravity of n minis
ter, and then plunged headlong into a
discussion Of religion.
II b1ong to the Baptisses, 1 do.
Tilda-thet's my wife thar-s she b'longs
to the Hardshell Baptisses, the no.
'countest church in these hyar noun
tings. Nance thar's been threatnin'
ter iine the Me'hodisses, but if she do
I'll drub her till she CANT holler."
The wife made no reply to the fling
at her faith, but Nance glared at her
father, and then, bringing her fist down
on the table SO tiercely that the dishes
danced, she cried:
"I'll iine-Ill iihe-Tll jine-I'll BE-
damned eff don't jine!" and turning
over her chair she fled the room. bang
ing the door behind her as she went.
Old Melton said nothing, but he
clinched his teeth with an ominous sig
niticance.
Supper over and the table cleared off,
the old man went to the kitchen door
and called for Nance.
What do yo' want?" inquired tho
girl
81 want yo' to come an play lis n
chune on the organette.
81 won't y
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

In 1878 rather Manufacturing
young man was employed in the Sec.
retary's Office of the United States Sen
ate. He was under thirty years of age,
but close study and hard newspaper
work had made him look older. He was
quiet, digni6ed man, and was known
as "Gil" Pierce among his intimate
friends. His duties as assistant Jour-
nal clerk threw him in contact with the
Senators, and he made many friends
amcng them. Later on he joined the
editorial staff of the Chicago Inter
Ocean. President Arthur appointed
him Governor of Dakota Territory.
He is now in Washington again, this
time as the newly elected United
States Senator from the State of North
Dakota.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

Prominent Citizen--Slado of Metro.
politan Hotel has just killed another
feller-tourist from the East som 'eres.
Second Prominent Citizen-What
was the Teller dom to Slade?
"Nuthin' only givin' his orders.
Wanted a fire in his room, weather
strips on the door, soap, towel, hot wa
ter, more quilts, and I fergit what
else. An Slade shot him."
"Oh, l s'pose Slade reckoned it was
a pity that a Teller who wanted
heaven SO bad shouldn't have it,
MunSey'S Weekly.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
Handsome Is as Handsome Does.

Robson--Where are you bound?
Remsen-Up to ask my pretty cou,
sin to marry me.
Robson-Well, good luck to you.
Remsen-Thanks, dear boy.
Robson Gan hour later).Well, did
your pretty cousin say yes?
Remsen-No; the homely thing re.
fused me.-Judge.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
Spoken for i'm Advance.

Miss Auburndale-O course we have
cooking lessons at Lasell this year;
that's no novelty. The most original
feature is that they teach us the value
and practical ase of money.
? Mr.. Dorchester-The value and ESQ
of money, Ell? When do you graduate
Next June"
"Will you marry me in July ?"-
Boston Times.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08
shocks.

LADY FORESTER, of London, is a
practical philanthropist. Each week
she sends to the factory girls of Lon.
don upward of two thousand punches
of flowers gathered by the servants or
her estates,
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

A SCIENTIST says that there is such
. thing rs a hoop-snake, but that it
doesn't roll like a hoop. 1t simply
makes a succession of loops, like the
inch-worm, but so rapidly that it seems
to roll around like hoop.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

OVER half q million "letters that
never came" are reported for last year,
all due to careless and insufficient ad-
dresses and to lack of postage stamps.
This shows that the public is itself
responsible for good deal of the fault
that it finds with the postal service.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

JANE DETHER1DGE, of Kingston,
Jamaica, has refused thirty-seven
offers of marriage. Jane has 1,O0o,
900, and is an orphan. She does not
think she can afford husband who
cares only for her money.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

NOTHING that has happened of late
in Constantinople has excited so much
comment as the action of the Sultan in
driving about in an open carriage will
the German Empress.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1890-02-08

In little town of Schleswig Hol.
stein there is tax exemption for dogs
that sleep with their masters and mis-
tresses aud so preserve them from govt.
rheumatism, and like pains"