The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-01-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A German Count-Eins, zwei, dreil
Going to work with a will-Contest
ing it.
The scientist says an absolute vacuum
cannot exist and yet the dude lives.
Music hath charms-That is when put
together in the proper Proportions
DaHsriUe Breeze.
The easiest way for a good wife to get
along pleasantly is to practice what her
husband preaches.-Atchison Globe.
When cashier goes to Canada his em'
ployer's face and his own accounts are the
long and short of it. Chicago Ne'cs.
In milking COW always sit on the side
furthest from the COW and near soft
spot in the pasture.-Niraukee Blur.
Some mems affairs don't get straight
ened out until about the same time they
do themselves. -Burlington Free Press.
II only charge you a fair price" she
said, as Robinson objected to paying five
dollars for a buttonhole bouquet.-YGn
kee Blade.
One reason why an expert fisherman is
50 silent at his sport is because he Is
waiting for catch with baited breath
Baltimore american.
Parrott-"And so Mrs. Gadabout is
really forty years old9 She doesn't show
her age" Wags-''No; she keeps 1t to
herself. ."-MpSey's Weekly.
Tile man who drives fast horse may
find it an expensive luxury; but he seems
to have no difficulty in ''ralsing the
dust. - YoakerS Statesman.
Whene'er you step into a room
And conversation ceases
You won't be wrong if you presume
You have been picked to pieces.
philadelphia Press
'Don't you get frightfully tired OF
Your workYn asked the monkey of the
hand-organ. ''Well life is good deal
of grind for me, replied the organ
Time.
The picture of the three year old King
of Spain is on all of the new Spanish
postage stamps; so that child is liable to
receive his share of licking after ALL
Time.
"To look at you, Jonson, no one would
take you for a humorist." 'No!' 'No.
And hanged if they'd think you were a
funny man TO read your jokes, either"
-Bagar
Old Genteman-"H Harry, l am dis
gusted with you. 1t seems to me you
have no will of your own" Harry
"Ah, yes, but, eh-con't you make one
for me- "-Rearney Enterprise.
Hotel Clcrk-''You wouldn't imagine
I am nervous; would you2" Guest
"Well, | should hesitate to calculate!
Why, think you've got more nerve than
a book agent. "-Ne,C York Journal
"Collecting silver spoons is new
craze" remarks an exchange. Yes, and
collecting towels, blankets, the soap and
other little trhes, is an old craze with
dishonest people who patronize hotels
Hotel Gasette.
The man who sighs, GLOW soon we
are forgotten" has only to leave the ho-
tel without paying his bill to find out
how sadly mistaken he is.--Bdy0W Sara
LadustlfdL Aetcs. Wrote to you, eh2
---Ne,o orleans PieaylRe.
The Professor of a California State
university has invented what lac calls
''iudcstructiblc leather A pair OF
shoes made of leather that win never
wear out ought to last a tenyear old
school boy AT least six weeks.
Itisnot love that makes him moan,
Nor yet, that he is ali alone,
No grief in his mind is gnawing.
Ii is not poverty's sad dart
'Tis not relnorse tugs at his heart
His porous plaster is drawing.
Chicago Herald.
Henderson (arguing in defence Of hi'
fayorite theory that personal beauty Il
not womau's chief uttraction)-'I con,
tend tina. beauty has nothing TO do with
a young woman's chief chances of getting
a husband. III leave it to any married
woman in the room if it is not so.--B0s'
j0R Transcript.