Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1890-11-15
Is the First: Then Come Some Departs
ncat Sferks-Thc Autograph Fiends
Are Peculiarly yiruient E1ere-Thc
Idle DawdIer and the Tramp.
Written for The EvEsTSG srAa,

~ have q select assortment that are pecu-
Harry our own. Iisre is, for instance, the in
dividual who moves IN the society of foreign
ers-or tries to do so-not because foreigners
are intelligent or interesting, but simply be-
cause they not Americans. The American
girl and the Italian count-that charming,
swarthy macaroni eater. who hasn't penny TO
bless himself with, who hasn't the faintest
vestige of a family in Italy, except possibly
former wife whom he has runaway from, who
takes TO beating the poor, deluded, falsely
ambitious girl who has married him, and
who ends his career. after she has
wrecked her life and has finally been
divorced from him, by going back to
the sweet melodies OF his hand organ and the
cOngenlal company of his monkey-the Amerl-
can girl who marrles the count because he is n
count, or. rather. says he Is, IL nuisance ma
tional In character. and is even found IN the
great and boundless west, where life is sup
posed to be truly American. But that is not
the type of fOrelgn-loylng nuisance that bOthers
US here. Our foreigners men of position in
their own country and are entitled to consider
alton In ours, and adOring them Is not quite
such blind folly with IL Is i'll other places.
where they are so often adventurers about
whom nothing whatsoever is known. Never
theless We have little band of nuisances here
who follow the foreigners about and accord 10
them devotion that Is laughed at by no poo
pie more than bv the foreigners themselves.
THE DEPARTMENT CLERK NUISANCE.
Those other social nuisances that go to the
theater in parties and talk and giggle to the
annoyance of everybody who is near them. or
who sit in box and frt so desperately that
many of the audience find it iIt1ic ult not TO give
attention to the amateur drama In the box
rather than to the professional actors on the
stage. not particularly local IN character
either. but the department. clerk who continu-
ally talks to you of the public business. and
would Impress upon you the fact that he and
he alone ownes the government of the United
States Is flower that We may claim as a native
product of our soil. He doesn't make you
mad. for he Is not really harmful, but You treat
him with a charitable pity. During the heat of
the summer, when everybody takes a vacation,
he tells you that he can't get away" and init
mates pretty strongly that 1t is impossible for
the department he Is IN to get on when
he Is absent from his desk. He has
actually fooled himself into this belief but
he does not succeed i'll deceiving any one else.
Heavens What weight of responsibility he
Carries on his shoulders. Such deep and serious
thoughts surge through his brain that he rarely
smiles He goes to his office on sundays to
see that nothing has befallen the government
since Saturday night, and if by chance he
should take a little leave OF absence, he does
not dare to leave the city, but comes to his desk
every day for little while TO keep his eve 1pon
public affairs. Once in a while he gets i'll from
oyeryOrk and over responsibility he says
When he walks into the department in the
morning he has the preoccupied look of one
who has been cOSltating great problems of
administrative government ali night long. He
performs the work of a cOpyist with the air of
Judge OF the Supreme Court writing a legal
opinion, and he actually seems to get the idea
that he wrote the state paper that has been
given him to copy. He is a terrible bore and a
great nuisance To those who are thrown in con-
tact with him, but he is so supplemented and
SO thoroughly well pleased with himself that
we are apt to put up with him instead of scold-
ing him.
THE AUTOGRAPH HUNTER.
The pestilential nuisances that write for au-
tographs are local, too, inasmuch as they
bother the public men who live in Washing
ton. and they not only insist upon having the
great mans signature. but they often demand
his photograph well. and it must be n de-
clded nuisance for the great man to nav for
the photographs If. indeed, he does so and
they are not present from the photographer:
but the greatest local nuisances OF all are the
people who are eternally boasting of the dis
tinguished people they know. The man who
does this Is not usually an old resident of
Washington, because old residents gradually
get used to constant contact with public char
acters. OF the latter IL cannot be said pre-
cisely that familiarity with them breeds a con-
tempt for them although il is true that as no
man Is a hero TO his yalet-de-chamber so IL IL
unusual to find people who maintain feeling
OF reverence and awe for man they
see constantly, and who is In tho
private relations of life no better than
ordinary people. But old Neutrality-suspicious.
don't boast of their acquaintance in public
life half so much as the new corners do John
Smith of Georgia, let Us say. has recently bcen
appointed TO small government office He
calls upon his member of Congress and the
member, wishing to conciliate the SIN this in
yltes him to dinner at his boarding house
AFTER dlnner Judge - comes in and Smith
lIn haWR 80
and Smith have four minutes Conversation Tho
result of all this is that John Smith becomes a
nuisance to all his acouaintances He talks Of
his member and of the judge and the Senator
IN season ana out OF season. He speaks of my
friend, Judge -, or ''Old Senator
whom know pretty WELL" who said so and 30
II he meets more public men he becomes in
tolerable. "
Or perhaps Mrs jones, coming to Washing
ton TO live. meets a few colonies and generals
and statesmen, and when she begins 10 ert.r
tain them a little inIagines herself a woman
marked for distinction-an American Madame
ue StaeI. as II were. She writes realms of COR
respondence to her friends. describing her
nonors. begins 10 dabbie little IL politics per-
maps. and becomes genuine nuisance to any
one WHO mas the misfortune TO come within ear
shot or letter-shOt of her. She gets worse and
worse as her circle of distinguished accualnt-
huces becomes larger, until size arrives at the
point when, as Spoopendyke used to say, she
only needs some broken bottles on her head 10
make good wall for a lunatic asylum.
THE IDLE DAwDLER AND TIE TRAMP.
We have another social nuisance here tina.
isn't local. but that is increasing in Wash,nr-
ton SO Vis!bly that some notice ought to be
taken OF IL The young man who does nothing
Tor hylAg Is not very numerous vet. but he ia
beginning TO make himself felt lie is ubjoui-
toas' ana az those hours of the day when other
people are busy IN their offices or are ON the
street on business errands IN their york-lav
clothes he saunters laZily along clothed like a
bridegroom. He goes TO his club IN the morn
ing and he loafs there alone for there are few
people there at that hour except the servants.
ne walks the street alone for everybody is
busy; he Is In reality one of the most SOLITARY
and miserable of individuals but ne thinks he
Is fortunate, and many other young men who
don know any better. envy him There ia
another species of do-nothing nujsance-tbe
gentleman of leisure, who enjoys his case unon
park benches, varying this monotonv bv Iaat.
ing about the Police Court and sometimes in
voluntarily participating in the legal proceed.
inSs which lake place there. He lives ON an
income, too-an income derived from
= grateful public that gives him sustenance
sometimes calling il aims and some,
nines shutting him up IN a comfortable hotel.
where he can be nicely fed and clothed o.
casionaily the public being niggariIy he ia
Obliged TO take u little something from il with.
out asking for IL. There is more similar1tv
between these two classes of gentlemen who
neither toll nor spin. than at first sight an
pears. Both could work if they chose. I'M
they do not choose. Unlike the man who has
NsNFf Of