Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1890-11-07
JOHNNY REB JOKES.
Stories From the Other Side OF the Late
EnsangulnAd Chusm.

Once Gen. Har,lee came across n
straggler and asked him "why he did
not travel faster and keep up with his
commando"
The soldier wished to know "what in
the deuce he had to do with itp'
Only that | am Gen. Hardee, the
commander of this department" was
the reply.
"Oh, you wrote book on tactics,
did youP"
Il did," said the General.
Well" said the private, 81 have
been taught according to your rules
how to double column at half distance.
Now wish you would tell me how to
double distance on half rations."
Gen. Hardee stuck spurs to his horse
and travelled on.
Early in the war one of the men in Il
South Carolina brigade was on picket
duty (so-called) near Manassas. There
was not Yankee within twenty miles
of us at that time. The next day there
was to be an inspection, and our hero
had taken his gun all to pieces and was
rubbing it up 50 rs to make shine the
next day when inspected. While so
doing Gen. Barham, who was unknown
to the soldier (who was II new recruO
rode up. What are you doing therep"
said Gen. Is. "Oh, / am kind of
sentinel, who are you anyhow
'Oh, | am only II kind of n Briga-
dier-General," was the answer.
Hold on; wait until l get this
darned old gun together and | will
give you kind of II present." said the
sentinel.
But Gen. Barham did not wait. He
went off and reported the luckless
soldier. who in II short time, found
himself ~ kind" of n prisoner. in "a
kind" ofa guardhouse, and had to do
a number OF extra hours of q duty as
"a kind of sentinel.
On one occasion man from Georgia
had been very persistent in personal
application TO Gen. Lee for furlou9h.
One morning the General asked his
tormentor if he understood the position
of soldier. The latter said he did.
He was ordered to assume it. Gen.
Lee then gave the command. Right
about face; forward march," As he
never gave the command to halt" the
Georgian kept on marching until he
got tired; but this little hint cured him,
and his next application was through
the usual channels.
When Gen. Malone was wounded at
Second Manassas, some one. to COM
fort Mrs Malone. said: oh, don't be
uneasy. It's only flesh wound!"
Mrs. Malone, through her tears. cried
out: "Oh. know that is impossible;
there is not flesh enough on him for
that"
don't know whether this is a joke
on the General or the private. A
day or so after the old First
reached Manassas Junction. in August,
1861. one of the men. who did not
clearly comprehend his position, had
the impudence to ask Gen. Beauregard
where certain big guns that had just
arrived from Richmond would be
placed" The General replied: Young
man. if the coat on my back knew the
secrets of my heart would cut it in
pieces"
On the Peninsula the gallant and
jolly Gen. Bankhead Magruder had
ordered meal for himself and staff.
A hungry rcb-and who ever saw one
who was not hungry?-came up to the
farm house, espied the nicely filed
table, and. without leave or license.
sat down aud began to annihilate
things. Just then the General and
friends walked in. escorted by the host.
All were surprised.
''IIalt!' said fiery Magruder, in
terms mere explicit than polite, do
you know whose table that is you arc
eating atP''
NO sjrp" said John Reb, with his
mouth full. Whose is it?'
Gen. Magruder's. sir, the COM
mander of this department"
''All right. General" with another
big mouthful. These war times
amt particular where l eat or who /
eat with; sit down and make yourself
at home. Chattanooga Times.