Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-09-11

"A Sensitive Ear-A Family Mat
ter, Etc, Etc.
THE BUTCHER woos.
''My heart is yours, +" he did profess;
'rm in an awful stew.
Liver die, / care not less .
You give me promise true.
'T'd steak my very life on you,
And when I'm kept away
I'll send tenderloin or two,
Protesting love for aye.
"What answer you before l goG
Meat your favor well?'
She said, 81 love, you suet so,"
And on his shoulder fell.
Il La Monte Waldron.
EASILY REMEDIED.
s'Look here, Davis" exclaimed the
manager of the dime museum. aghast,
''you have made mistake. 1t wasn't
IN Esquimau girl wanted for this de-
partment. 1t was Circassian girl.n
"That's all right, Colonel" i" replied the
travelling agent. "Ulga," he said, turn
ing to the dusky beauty, ''go wash your
lace and friz your hair."-[ Chicago Tri-
bune.
ORIGINAL PACKAGES.
"What is this original package bust
uess2" she asked.
"What does it mean9 Well, +" he began
explaining, ''we'll say you are 100
pounds of honey in silk and gold and
diamond mounted case"
eyes"
"Well, so long as you are in the orig
lnal wrapper" he continued, wrapping
ais arms about her, ''you-"
II see now," she interrupted, ''but ]
can't understand how you are the orig
lnal wrapper. ."-[Philadelphia Times.
A FAMILY MATTER.
Humorist-I guess I'll have to give up
my position as funny man on your paper.
Editor Why, what's the matterG
Humorist-Well,m my wife won't have
any more jokes about her side of the fam.
ily; my mother-in-law is with us now, SC
I can't mention her; my daughter gets
mad when / write about her beaux and
her little brother, and the hired girl says
she'll strike if drag her into print again
So you see there's nothing left for me tc
write about.
NO ALIASES.
His Honor-H'm, drunk and disorder
ly, eh2 What's your names
''Pat, sorr.n
"Your full nameg"
"Shure and tits Pat whin Oh am full
or whin Oi am sober Just the same"
'Thirty days."-[Puck.
THE POLITE FRENcHMAN.
When General Moreau was in tn,
United States, he was at once the victim
Of rather droll misunderstanding. HI
was present at concert where piec
was sung by the choir, with the refrain
Tomorrow, tomorrow.
Having very imperfect knowledge o
English, he fancied it to be cantat
given in his honor, and thought he dis
tinguished the words:
"To Moreau, to Moreau."
Each time the refrain was repeated b
rose to his feet and gracefully bowed Oh
all sides, to the great astonishment of tn
audience, who did not. know what t,
make of it.-[Le Figaro.
COULDN'T APE.
"Have you boarded long at this house9
inquired the new boarder of the sour, de
jected man sitting next to him.
stAbout ten years."
'sI don't see how you can stand II
Why haven't you left long agoa"
''No other place to go to-" said th
other dismally. ''The landlady's m
wife. " Chicago Tribune.
THEY SHOULD BE SUPPLIED.
"Jones is a pretty good sort of chap,
said McWatty to friend, '1but he'
never amount to much. He never know
when to stop talking"
''That's so, replied McWatty's friend
who is railroad man; 'this conversation
lacks terminal facilities. u New Yorl
World.
AND END THE GAME.
Mr.. Spudaway-What! Has your Uncl
Hiram failed in businessa
Mrs. Spudaway-Broken up entirely
That's what he saysin his letter.
,'How fortunate our little Hi has mid
die namel When you write next t
Uncle Lowe tell him his namesake, II
Lowe Spudaway, is the smartest boy i
his class and as good as he is smart"
sBut what if Uncle Lowe fails, tooa'
Innocent little Hi Lowe (from his col
ner)- Call me Jack and the game, pap,
w Burlington Free Press.
| TOO SUGGESTIVE.
Miss De Pretty-Let's form secrt
society.
| Miss De Pink--Let's. Just like th
Odd Felloss and Red Men. Call
the Ancient Order of-of-King
Daughters.
| Miss De Blonde-Or the Ancient Ordt
of Dianas.
Miss De Young Or the Ancient ord'
of American
Miss Oldmaid- Oh. don't let's call
ancient order Of anything. New Yor
Weekly.
HOW TT HAPPENED.
| "Wonderful thing happened in OF
| neighborhood last evening. A polio,
man killed mad dog at the first fire.. y
| "You don't say soa"
| ttparhans T should exnlain that I'll