davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

When a man is ratified it is evident
that he is in box.--Ex.
Devotion to art. The cat has nine
lives and spends them all in vocal cul'
ture.-Puck.
. Blinks-Been travelling in Europe
Ell? How did you find the hotels?
Jinks-Hired cab.-Ex.
as your brother still pursuing the
law ?" "He was till last spring.
"And now ?" "The law is after him. y
FIX.
Violet-Ma, how do people know il
is man in the moon?
Mother-Because it's always out
nights.-Boston Times.
Mrs. Staggers-We are to have
dear mother for dinner, James.
Mr.. Staggers-All right; see that
she is thoroughly cooked.-Pick-Me-
Up.
Father" said Willie, "did Colum'
bus discover the Atlantic Ocean p
"Why certainly not what makes you
ask such u question:" "My joggerfy
says he came across il" Washington
Post.
Sniggins (angrily)-Do you know
that your chickens come over into my
yard?
Snooks--I supposed that they did
for they never come back again.-N
Y. Herald.
Mrs. Guzzle-You remember that
snake decorated flask l bought of youl
Silversmith-Yes, how did it work.
1t failed utterly. Guzzle just clos
ed his eyes and emptied it at half a
dozen gulps.-Ex.
In the newspaper Office. Fawcet-
Pass me over the mucilage, please
Miss Pansy.
Miss Pansy-With all my heart.
Fawcet-Only the mucilage, please,
American Stationer.
One on Gorger. "Here, waiter %
exclaimed old Gorger. "take this stuff
back. 1t isn't fit for pig to eat
"Zem, sare, you must not eat eet," J"
replied the waiter and Gorger won-
dered why everybody smiled.-Ex.
Judge-Then your husband has i'll
treated you
Witness-No, your worship.
What? Did he not bite off one of
your ears?
No, your worship, did it myself.
La Nedetta.
Little Edith just from the city,
| don't like this milk.
Farmer-Why, what's the matter
with it?
Little Edith-It tastes as though it
had been near cow, and just be-
lieve it has.-Phiadelphia Society.
Sumway-I hope cremation will
never become the recognized mode of
burial.
Tangle-Why not?
Sumway-Because | find it hard
enough to earn living without hav.
ing to urn the dead also.-West
Shore.
He-So. Herbert is a member of
the militia, isn't he?
She-Yes.
How does he rank ?
| don't know exactly, but I'm sure
he ranks well, for l heard papa say
that he was the rankest soldier he ever
saw.-Ex.
A resolute woman. Father-Then
you have made up your mind, young
lady, never to get married !?
She-Yes, sir. I'll die an old maid.
But if some young man were to
propose to you?
All, that would be different thing
altogether.-Ex.
An impossibility. Clara think
it's shame cant entertain a gentle
,,an alona Will NJ. DosLo,o,,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-29
Detroit, Bay CITY & AIpena R.R.

Mail and Accom- Mail and Accom-
Express mediation. Express. mediation.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-29

Sniggins (angrily)-Do you know
that your chickens come over into my
yard?
Snooks-I supposed that they did,
for they never come back again.-N.
Y. Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-29

Sumway-I hope cremation will
never become the recognized mode of
burial.
Tangle-Why not?
Sumway-Because | find it hard
enough to earn living without hav-
ing to urn the dead also.-West
Shore.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-29


Father" said Willie, "did Colum-
bus discover the Atlantic Ocean p
"Why certainly not; what makes you
ask such a question" ?" "My joggerfy
says he came across il" Washington
Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-29

Maude-Papa, thought you said
this morning that Jack Brewer was
no chicken.
Father (grimly)--That's what !
said.
Then what does this mean reading,
Jack Brewer, stroke of the Yale crew
stepped jauntily out of the shell. -
Boston Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-29


The limit. Lover-Tell me, my
angel, what to do to prove my love
Oh, that I might, like some knight ol
old, battle for you, suffer for you, die
for you.
Sweet Girl wish that you would
give up smoking.
Lover--Oh, come now, that's ask.
ing too much. .--.Ex.
a withdraw game. She Cat late
hour)-Do you play checkers, Mr..
Spoon
He-Sometimes ! do. Why?
/ thought so. You remind me of a
cautious checker-player.
In what way2
1t takes you so long to move.
And then he jumped.-Ex.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03

Relating to the new pension law
comrades should bear i'm mind that il is
not dependent law but disability
law-there is no dependence about it,.
If an honorably discharged soldier who
served at least 90 days is now disabled
and the disability is not the result of
vicious habits, and it in any way inca
pacitates him for manual labor, he is
entitled to pension. If n soldier has
a claim pending or is now receiving a
pension for slight wound or other dis
ability, he can make application under
the new law, naming all disabilities
and obtain pension of not less than
six nor more than IL dollars per month.
Comrades, write to me for information
or send me your application. Remem-
ber that | had nearly six years expert
ence in the pension Office as a clerk at
the desk and as a special examiner, also
with the pension board of appeals, and
can give you valuable information and
assistance, and having had more than
400 claims allowed during the past 1s
months, and not single original invalid
claim rejected. The eating of the pud-
ding tests its quality. When in Kala-
mazoo call at my Office and fire your
questions at me, or write from your
home. Respectfully,
G.. +. FoOTE.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
[1S42tfl
Soldiers. Attention.!

The new pension bill under act of
June eth, 1890, has become a law, Civ
ing from SO To S12 per month To every
soldier who has served ninety days and
who is disabled from any cause, no
matter whether he contracted his disa-
bilities in the service or not. Every
soldier who is now prosecuting claim
for pension, or who is now drawing a
small pension less than So, can file un-
der the new law and is sure of getting
from So To Sl2 per month. Widows,
children and parents entitled. File
now as you only draw from date of fill
ing Fees go payable only when your
claim is allowed. Twenty-six years
practice in all the departments at
Washington.
War claims of every description pros
ecuted promptly, and successfully.
Comrades, beware of these mush-
room agencies that are springing up all
over the country offering to do your
business for half or two-thirds of the
legal fees, as many of them are not ad-
mitted To practice before the depart
ments, and will only jeopardize your
claim.
For blanks and instructions call on
or address the old reliable,
44tfl CHAs. +. GALLIGAN,
Ex-Soldier, u. S. Claim Agent and
Pension Attorney. Paw Paw, Mich.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03

Still to the front with the largest
stock of Horse Blankets ever brought
to- Paw Paw Also elegant line of
Plush Robes and complete line of
Trunks and Travelling Bags, Horse
Furnishing Goods and, in fact, every
thing kept in a tirst-class harness estab-
lishment. We invite all the people to
call and see our stock of harnesses and
be convinced that we stand at the head
in the business. Yours, Resp'fly,
50t2 q. w. KooNs.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
New Insurance Agency.

ii. A. Chaplin, Notary Public and
Insurance Agent, represents some
of the best companies doing business
in this state. Among them are the
Commercial Union and Sun Fire, the
Michigan Mutual Life. and Travellers
Accident. These companies have an
enviable record for prompt and equit-
able adjustment of losses.
1S35tf Office in the Court House.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Photography at Lawton.

/ have come to Lawton to stay and
will offer a great inducement to all
who want pictures, as follows: | will
make my best cabinets in certain
styles for 80 90 per dozen and guaran.
tee satisfaction. Place your orders
for holiday pictures early as we are
apt to have good deal of dark
weather at this time of year. Cal
and see my $500 Bromides.
also have constantly on hand com
plete line of Picture Frames.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
+. GILLIs,
99tfl Lawton, Mich.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
City Meat Market.

Try the City market, first door east
of Chappell's, where you will find ev-
erything new, neat and clean. Fresh,
smoked, dried and salt meats; choice
beef, pork, veal, lamb, hams, bacon,
lard, corned beef, sausage, etc. POul-
try, game, fish and oysters in season.
The highest market price paid for fat
cattle, sheep and hogs. Cash for hides
and pelts w. III. WILSON.
17S1tf1
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
spread the Good Word.

Nine out of ten honorably discharged
Soldiers entitled to pensions under the
new law and thousands now getting
less than 12 dollars entitled to increase
TO twelve dollars under the act Of June
eth 1890.
Mother or father of any deceased
soldier is entitled To pension of Sl2
per month if soldier died in service, or
since discharge, of any disability con-
tracted in the service and left no
widow or minor child, provided that
the parent or parents have not, at the
present time, sufficient means for their
support from their own manual labor
or contributions of others not legally
bound to support them. All widows
under this act are entitled TO from IS
to Sl2 per month, minor children to 81
Comrades, | shall make an effort TO do
you good at the least possible cost To
you. ask no advances from claimants
whatever for postage or expenses, no
fee until claim is allowed and then
simply the regular fee. The legal fee
for securing any pension under the act
of June 27th 1890 is $40.
| ask you to sign no fee contract and
will prosecute any claim for original
Invalid claim for $40. Increase claim
on disability for which you are now
drawing will be s. all other pension
work in same proportion.
No charge unless successful.
Write me for further particulars.
Yours in +. G.. & L.,
j. ID. MONROE,
G1S42tfl Paw Paw, Mich.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Teachers Examinations.

The following is the schedule of dates
for examinations during the school
year These dates will not be changed
South Haven, Friday, Sept. 20, 1890.
Decatur, Friday, Oct. 81, 1890.
Bangor, Friday, Nov. %, 1890.
Paw Paw, Thursday, March ), 1891.
Bloomingdale, Friday, April "a, 1891
Paw Paw, Thursday, Aug. 8, 1891.
1S5OlY
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Insurance.

Insure your property against loss by
fire in the reliable companies represent
ed by the undersigned. Losses will be
promptly and equitably adjusted. Life,
Fire and Accident policies issued. Of
flee over Broughton's store.
1S29tf. VIM. KILLEFER.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
For Sale or Rent.

The house and lot formerly occupied
by Jas. A. Leach, on the west side of
the river. Inquire of
93tfl JOHN !. BRECK.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Hay Farm for sale.

A forty-acre clay hay farm, all cleared
and nearly all seeded, yielding at least
two tons to the acre, with 45 to 30 tons
of first-class timothy hay in barracks on
the place, will be sold, all together, for
less money than the naked land is worth
if sold at once. Land lies AZ miles from
Paw Paw, on a fine graveled road. For
particulars inquire at this Office. A.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Free Consultation.

DR.. A. b. Spinney, of Detroit, will be
at the Dyckman House the 9th of each
month. Special attention given to
Catarrh, Eye. Ear, Throat and Lung
Diseases. Also, Rectal, Uterine and
Private Diseases.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Lonp Time Easy Payments.

Seven per cent on sums of over $4,000.
Must be improved farms worth twice
the amount loaned.
1749tf CRANE & BRECK Atty's.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03

Absolutely the best place to purchase
Monuments is of /. A Whitman, in
Paw Paw. You are guaranteed a large
saving on your purchase. No agents
fee. Fifty beautiful Monuments, in
Marble and Granite, to select from.
lS32-ly1
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Horses Wanted.

We will pay good prices for several
half blood Cleveland Bays coming four
years old and upward.
CLEVELAND BAY HORSE Co.
1S1Stf Paw Paw Mich.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Something New.

One hundred Stamp Photos for one
dollar, all ready gunimed on the back
to stick on letter heads, bill heads, watch
dials or cases, books, hats, and etc.
Call and see specimens of bromides,
crayons, etc, etc. Workmanship, first
class. Satisfaction guaranteed. 5000
feet of moulding To select from for
frames.
1900 HENRY SHAFFFR
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
paw Paw savings Bank.

Capital S5O,oOO.OO F. w. SELLIoK, Pres,
Z. A CRANE Vice Pres, JOHN w. FREE,
Cashier. Board of Directors,
j. j. WooDMAN, GEO. l.. BRECK,
JOHN LYLE. WILLIAM LYLE,
JOHN w. FREE, w. II. SELLICK,
+. w. SELLIcK, WILLIAM j. SELLIok,
EDGAR A. CRANE. 1836ly
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
The Willard House Barn,

As IA 10-cent hitch-in and sale stable
Don't leave your teams standing out in
the weather" any more.
1S04tfl SAGE Bros
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
a. w. Hendrick. NJ. ID.

Physician and Surgeon, Paw Paw Mich.
Office in Longwell Block. Special attention
CIV L, diseases of the Lungs, Liver and
Kidneys, Private Diseases. Piles and Female
Oomplaints-to all Chronic Diseases.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
HENRY SHAEFER.
MiIlinery---Mrs II. Ft. Odell.

At the busy millinery store on Kala-
mazoo street, large lot of new and
elegant spring goods of all kinds. Agent
for the famous Corticelli silks
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Bert T.. Bryar.

Agent for some of the oldest Fire In
surance Companies in America.
Office over Avery's store 6tf
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
y VIC. Y.Ferguson. ID. ID. ~.
Dental ParlOrS.

Painless extraction of teeth by the
use of Nitrous Oxide Gas
Single extraction, twenty-five cents.
Special attention given to the preser-
vation of the natural teeth.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
Rooms over Savings Bank, Paw Paw,
Micn. 1S32ly
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03

Is headquarters for Featherbone Whips,
and all other kinds. Call while at the
fair and see his stock. 5Ot2
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03

Go to Shaefer's studio for frames and
easels. 1T
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Two Rooms TO Renf.

Suitable for Students. Inquire of Mrs
NJ. A Hall, south end of Niles St. 1850
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
PAW COUNTY, MICHIGAN SEPTEMBER 1885,
THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF
PAW PAW.
ESTABLISHED 1888.

Capital. ........A. .slO0, 900
Surplus and Undivided Profits. ~ 1000
Additional Liability Of Stock kholders 100000
+. SMITH, +. +. PARKS,
President. Cashier.
A general banking business transacted.
Interest Paid ON Certificates OF be-
pOsff. lS25ly
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
BUSINESS NOTICES.
Heckert a ChandIe
Mills, Osborn n GOss.
uuxNVaFs

Office, Paw Paw; associate office,
Kalamazoo. Mich. Mr.. Goss will he in
his office Monday afternoon and Tues
day of each week A j. Mills,
j. w. OSBORN,
1723-tf o. A. GOss.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
w. R. Hawkins.

Broker. Money loaned and collections
made in all parts of Van Buren, county.
Remittances promptly made. Office
opposite Dyckman House, Paw Paw,
Mich. 13SSly
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03

For Sale, Rent, or Exchange.
An acre of ground with good house
and harm in Paw Paw. For particulars
call at this office. lS35tf
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-09-03
Fine Tailoring

Fine Tailoring.
Go To Miller, the fashionable tailor.
for fine suit of clothes Rooms in
Longwell block, Paw Paw, Mich. 3Stf
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-05-08
JO7s2astO2a's TegetN-
bic NOl0aadS2se, aS2seE-
cezZed Ns o. tonic, HUer
2'egaGZNtOr and blood
2saI2'i71e7'. For sale by
aW druggists. The No
Zttaadi2se Co., Rich
M o ~ a., Va.
Use and Abuse of The Farm Work Shop.

Use and Abuse of The Farm Work Shop.
Absurd things are written about the
farm work shop. The farmer cannot be
proficient in half dozen trades, nor can
his son do even fairly good carpenter or
blacksmith work without practice.
Some people seem to think that nothing
is necessary but to get the tools, and the
needful skill will come with them. The
absurdities written about the farm work
shop would not merit notice were they
not likely to lead us too far in the other
direction. It is not good policy to go to
the blacksmith every time piece of iron
is to be mended, or to the carpenter to
make us bench. The charges of the
carpenter or the blacksmith are of less
importance than the loss of time. Every
farmer who owns a large farm should
have at least one farm blacksmith outfit.
The farmer may not find it profitable to
sharpen the plows, but he should be abls
to weld or rivot together pieces of iron
or steel to mend chains, shanks of forks
or hoes, whiff1etree clips. clevices, etc.
He ought also to be able to make rings,
links, hooks and pins The necessary
tools cost little and the skill necessary to
such simple work is soon gained.
In wood many simple jobs or repair
ing are easily done 1t is by no means
certain that the farmer should not go
farther in wood working. Handles for
axes, forks, rakes, etc., whiff1trees, and
similar articles can probably be bought
more cheaply than the farmer can make
them for: but generally he can mako
better than he can buy, and when he.
counts quality he will doubtless find his
own work better than he can buy. He
can select the choicest timber and season
it properly. It is good practice to save
the toughest, best pieces when splitting
out rails or posts
With an assortment Of copper rivets.
some avis, thread and wax, any strap
about the harness can be Joined. This
much leather working is always profit
able. If the farmer will give the tools
to the boys. the sense of property win
stimulate them to practise using them.
One boy may have the carpenter tools,
another the blacksmith tools, etc. IF the
boys choose to use their tools on rainy
days, when otherwise they might rest,
all right; but don't compel them to.
Making this ezra work of course renders
it distasteful The hint 80 frequently
seen that with tools the boys can make
or mend when they cannot do farm
work, is altogether bad. If made use Of,
it viii defeat your purpose every time
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-05-08
Comm issioner's Sale.

DYVIRTUE OF A DECREE OF THE SUPE-
Drior Court of Wilkes county, made at March
term, 1890, in the case of R. E. Nooe and others
against Joseph p Shields and others, the un-
designed will sell at public cutlery, to the last
and highest bidder, at the courthouse in
Wilkesboro, N. c., Monday, June I'd. 1890,
twenty-one lots on Main street, near the cen
ter of Wilkersboro. A part of these lots are
suited for business houses and part of them
for residences. The terms of sale are six
months time, with note and approved security
Title retained until purchase money is paid.
The undersigned has no hesitation in saying this
is among the most desirable property in the
place, and that no such property will again be
offered to the public in Wilkesboro. This is the
opportunity to buy property in the prosperous
and growing town of Wilkesbero,at head OF R R
from Greensboro and Winston to that place and
the Statewide & Western railroad is heading
fortWilkesboro-the Queen City of the Yadkin
valley. Mineral and timber lands in abun-
dance. Parties wishing to see the plot of the
property can do 50 by calling on me in States
vile, n. c. Any futher information will be
cheerfuliy given, either by letter in person.
L. E. NOOE, Commissioner.
Statesville, N. C. May I 1890. mas
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-05-08
Supreme Court, Monday.

billiard VS.. Dram, argued by E. g.
Smith and Bachelor and Devereux
for plaintiff, and Jones & Shuford for
defendant. Gudger vs.. railroad, ar
gued by D. Schenck and F. H. Bus
bee for the defen liant. Zachary vs..
Virgins, continued. Falls of Neuse
Manufacturing Co. VS.. Brooks, argued
by E. G.. Smith for plaintiff and Jones
& Shutord for defendant.
Opinions were fled in the following
cases: State VS.. Parker, from Cum
berland. No error. State VS.. Gray,
from Watauga, No error. Bryan VS..
Spivey, from Craven. Error. White
hurst VS.. Pettipher, from Pamlico. No
error. State VS.. Rinehardt, from Mad
ison. No error. Lenoir vs.. Valley
River Mining Co, from Cherokee. Err
ror, new trial granted. State VS.. Steel,
from Buncombe. Error, new trial
granted the defendant. Perry VS..
Young, from Nash. Error. State VS..
DowelI from Rowan. No error. APP
plegate vs.. Tillery, from Halifax. Err
ror, new trial. Rose VS.. railroad, from
Cumberland. Error, new trial grant
ed. Young vs.. Telegraph Co., from
Craven Advisari. Leonard VS.. Leon
ard, from Guilford. Advisari.
The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1890-05-08

There is movement on foot to en-
dow a chair of History at the Univer-
sity. Col. w. L. Saunders, chairman
of the committee having the matter in
hand, has called meeting in Chapel
Hill on Wednesday, June 4th.
That such a chair is needed, goes
without question. That it will do
good for the State by preserving and
collating many facts of value to our
State history is without doubt There
fore we hope that not only the alumni,
but every public spirited man in North
Carolina will take a lively interest in
this, subject that is of such great con-
Germ to our commonwealth.
just here il may not be improper to
state that it is a current rumor, US
ually accepted, that if this chair Of
History is established President Battle
will resign the presidency of the Uni
versity to take charge of it aud that
a new president will have to be elected.