Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-07-24
ASLEEP IN A CANNON.
a Traveller WAC Made His Bed in a Sa-
lutte Gun ana Was Fired Out.

Patrolman Adam Reed is man who
doeei't talk much. but he knows the
difference between a brick and the
quarter section of Il lemon pic. and the
AHanias Club felt assured that he would
make last evenings session pleasant
and profitable.
The last trip | made to Europe, said
the patrOlman. | spent great deal of
time in Ireland. and many is the swim
| have taken in the river Shannon. 1t
was on the banks of that river that |
had a most startling adventure. The
month was June, and | had frisked
among the flowers and chased gaudv-
winged butterflies until fatigue over
took me. At the point where | became
real tired was located fort whose
frowning cannon guarded the only
bridge across the river. Just for the
novelty of the thing not because | real
ly had to do anything of the kind, [
craWled into one of those huge can
mons. 1t was large enough to drive Il
horse into, for that matter. and [ was
quite comfortable. | placed my hat
beneath my head for pillow, and was
soon wrapped in slumber [ had slept
several hours, when the sound of voices
outside awakened me. Gentlemen. YOU
can imagine, if possible, my feelings
when | learned from the voices that
the cannon into which | had crawled
was a sunset gun that was fired every
evening, and the daily fire was about
to occur. Iyelled like IA good fellow
and started to the muzzle of the can
non, but [ wasn't quick enough. l
heard sudden roar, Il crash. a phiZ
like 90, 600 bottles of champagne IN
corked at once, gasped for breath and
characterization. When came to my
senses | was sailing through the air at
terrific speed. | must have been in
the air an hour when the momentum
seemed to lessen and | slowly settled
down into an apple tree in a farmers
yard. AS | sat on a limb. | viewed
| myself all over and found | was all
there, except part of my hair, which
had been singed off, and my clothing
was considerably scorched. My rapid
passage through the air had blown
the grim ard dirt from my face, and |
was really as handsome then as | am
now. A few feet distant was a house,
tid III IhS NOOI"d olOou oil dSLOuIonSu
woman.
Patsy. Jimmy, Dinny, Petey. Mary
Ann kim heer an see PLAT has kim
daon from the clouds. Shure phat fun
ny tin@s-"
Excuse me, madam | said Taught
lily, 'please don't spring that oat-
cake gu me. | have suffered enough.
| assure you that | am not here of my
own free will and accord. All | ask
''Phell, ply doan't ye ak it Ioike a
white mon an not set oop there loike a
dom monkey?'
Madam, if you will retire to your
boudoir for five consecutive minutes |
will shin down this tree"
''Phell. Oil do nawthen of the koind.
an doan't you be maken sphort of me
or Oil smash yer jaw"
Excuse me, ma am; [ assure YOU
that | meant no offense. If Won can
stand it | cam" and, wrapping my
coat about me, | softly slid to the
ground. | learned from the woman
that | Was exactly 100 miles from the
spot where the cannon was located, and
by careful computation | figured out
that | had been just ffty-five minutes
on the trip. After an hours rest !
made my way to Dublin, none the
worse for my remarkable voyage. !
really don't suppose there is a man on
earth who ever had such an experience.
-Indt0:aap0tis NeaOs.