Tombstone epitaph., 1890-06-21
It Might Have Been Gore,
 but Was Only Gush.
Two of Our Citizens Express a Desire to Drink Blood, but Quench
 Their Thirst with Beer.
''In days of old,
 When knights were bold, nd harnns held fheir S,ua,r'iI

l
 were born simply to fight. If there
 were no wars in progress, in whict
 they could find vent for their desire
 to whack somebody over the head
 they amused themselves by picking
 personal quarrels and. prodding each
 other with swords and things, and
 being able to skilfully handle the
 broadsword proved of great service to
 a man on many occasions. That this
 spirit still fingers in the breasts of the
 descendants of these ancient royster- CTS and fighters was proven in Tomb
 stone short time ago, and for while our citizens were threatened with a first class sensation in the shape of a duel.
 About ten days or two weeks ago one of the bright and shining society lights of Tombstone walked into a cigar store on Allen street, twirling his cane and softly whistling. "Pm a soldier bold, but not so fond of fight ing" when he met the superintendent Of one of our mines, who also had a cane. A friendly discussion ensued on fencing (barbed wire ruled out). Each one boasted of his skill, the so- ciety light b-agging of his dexterity in handling the broadsword, and ask ing the superintendent to try and touch him with his cane. They had a little bout with their walking sticks, and the mining man prodded the so- cial luminary wherever and whenever he wished to. This display of his awkwardness made the lunlinary hot in the collar, diaphragm, or some other portion of his anatomy, and he commenced to talk about the duels he had fought, whereupon the superin- tendent replied that he had fought six duels, naming his antagonists, among them being the Margrave of Umlauts, Landgraye of Sauerkraut, Burgrave of Bockbeer and Stadtholder of Sheer case, and asked the luminary to name his men, which he could not do, when the superintendent, in whisper that could have been heard half q mile away, called him liar. This reused all the pretzel ire in the luminary's stomach, and in a Weiss-beer voice ne hissed out:
 q shallenge you a duel init me to fghd."
 Supt.-"All righd. fghd init you"
 Luminary-"What you fighd mit?"
 S.-"You say you can dot broad sword handle. I fghd you init broad swords"
 L.-"Nein. I fghd init 45calibre bistol."
 Swell, I fghd you init 45-cali- bre pistol"
 A bystander suggested that to fight | with pistols of that size was very dan gerous. He said that it would be more prudent to fight with 22-calibre pis- tols, as it had been proved that al though person might be shot through i the bowels with p pistol he still had | l chance to live, but when a 45 ball | mpinged on that portion of the hu man frame it was liable to seriously lerange matters and knock all the | 'tuffing clear out through ones back 1One.
 But his efforts to change the deadly were fruitless, and arrange nents were made to go to Sonora to jhed each others blood and encarnar- line the soil of that country. One of )ur prominent physicians was selected IS a second, and he provided himself with half dozen darning needles md ball of yarn to sew up the "gap- ng wounds" that were proposed to be and some tubs in which to ,ring back what blood the soil failed o absorb. An attorney was also to 20 as second, and he procured a 'ot of lampblack, marking brush and ] ream of brown paper with which to write down the last wills and testa- nents; the attorney also procured a butter mold to use as a seal. But after .ll these preparations by the seconds hitch occurred in the programme, he rage of the principals has cooled If, and where only sulphurous fumes Ould heretofore be detected the air is low redolent of patchouli and ylang- lang, and all is as clear and serene as
 mudpuddle.
 Who Is Sick?
 One of the staff of physicians of