davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW

That the word 'idiot' originally meant
only private person, or one who was not
engaged in. public business; then it came to
be applied to an outsider, one who was ill
informed on and Indifferent to State affairs;
and lastly, to the most hopeless of all the
mentally afflicted.
That the word ''villain'' at first meant
simply villager.
That the word "knave" In its origin sig
nified young man, and on the German
court cards is merely the page or knight at
tending the King or Queen.
That the words pagan" and ''heathenn
come from words sgnifying countryman,
because II was In the rural districts that the
worship of the ancient deities was longest
continued.
That the word ''rivslsn once meant
neighbors who lived on the banks OF n
river.
That the word 'simpletonn WAS originally
applied to persons OF honest candor--
straightforward and simple, as opposed to
duplicity Of character.
That Chaucer and Wycliffe used to write
devoutly of 'the silly babe of Bethlehem y
That the word 'brat,n which is now
low word of contempt, was once used In
sacred verse-"Oh, Abraham's brats; oh,
broode of blessed seede''
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
ODDS AND ENDS OF FACT

London curiosity is a ful-grown deer
only foot in length. 1t is of species
known as Stanley's Cbeerotain.
An old oaken table which used to stand
in Shakespeare's house has Just been found
and added to the museum at the immortal
Williams birthplace.
Haworth Church, where the Bronte sis
tiers lie buried, has been so much sim.
proved" that, as L. B. Walford writes,
nearly every vestige of interest or ro
nance has been improved off the face OF
it." About all that is left is a window
bearing the inscription: "In pleasant mem
ory of Charlotte Bronte,n put up by--who?
tan American" it says.
The Vatican has the most artistic corps
of penmeD In the world. 1t is composed of
priests and monks, who spend most of their
leisure in practicing fancy tracings and
new forms of letters No eIasure is ever
permitted on page issued by the Pope.
If an error is made, even In the placing of
comma, the whole must be rewritten.
There is a man in New York who makes
comfortable living by going about with a
whisk broom and bag, gathering up oats
that horses scatter about their noon-eating
places in the streets.
NJ. Fournier, well known leader of the
cldque in Paris, is dead. He left an estate
worth $500, 1000, which he earned by direct
ing the applause at several theaters. He
and few other claquers had monopoly
of the business for years. The leader of the
cldqoe does not do the work himself; he
hands 1t over to head clerk. He treats
directly with the directors of the theatre,
who give him the appointment of leader of
the ctaqne for sum generally amounting
to about $4,000 year. In return the the
atncal manager gives him $1,000 worth of
tickets year with a reduction of fifty per
cent. on the price at the ticket office. He
also buys from the authors the tickets to
which they are entitled.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27

employees of the Government are kept at
their tasks from o o'clock In the morning
until 4 in the afternoon six days in the
week. The institutions described are
opened and closed at the same hours.
Hence the Department clerks and en-
ployes have rare and scant oppor,uui-
ties to enjoy and profit by the stores
with which the National Capital is
crowded.
The employees of private firms and
corporations work longer hours than
those who toll for Uncle Sam, and,
consequently, havey less opportunity
TO visit these places. The Congress-
men and the heads of bureaux and De
par.ments, employers generally, and
the rich and the idle, can choose the
time most convenient to themselves to
make their visits. But to the indus
trious poor, men and women, such
time never comes. II is for them THE
CRTIc pleads.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
MINING 1.-THE CRITLCn

Gentle reader, did you ever name a news
paperP Probably you never did, else you
would not be gentle reader. Naming a
newspaper is a task that can knock more
solid chunks of gentleness out of a mans
system in day than he can accumulate in
whole armful of years. 1t is bothersome
enough to name baby, when gran'mas
and gran'pas, auntf land uncles, open
friends and secret Is come treoping in,
each with an ar hent against the name
you have last setded upon; but naming a
baby is like basking in summer sunshine,
while naming Il newspaper is like being
caught out on the prairie late at night by
Dakota blizzard.
The new publishers of THE CRITIC have
come out of the desperate struggle of nam
ing this paper, but they have come out
with tattered souls and lacerated inner
consciousness. If they could lay their
psychologist parts before you, sweet reader,
you would think you were looking upon
map of desolate island, which had been
transacting business with an enthusiastic
cyclone.
First, the publishers agreed that they
did not like the name Capital for the
evening edition, and, in their iunoceney,
supposed that, having planked up their
money for the institution, they were going
to be able to name it TO please themselves.
That's where the publishers aforesaid had
innocency to spare The wealthy and
aristoeratic printer came in and swooped
down upon the poor but proud publishers,
saying that the Typographical Union in.
tended to have something to say about that
matter, and that what 1t had to say was to
the effect that If the name of the evening
edition was changed the name OF the Sun
dag Capital would also have to be sim
ilarly changed or the publishers would be
cut in two and served up as distinct par
ties of the second part. This ground the
iron into the poor publishers souls, but
they realized that once the printers were
poor themselves and that these greedy
publishers had ground them down, so they
the present publishers-sai in their
hearts that this is the natural result OF all
greed; that poor men ground down un-
reasonably will at last rise and take even
more than justice for themselves. So the
PubllouClo sullltu III u blchiy bOTJ Ol way
and accepted as meekly and humbly as
possible the situation prepared for them by
the grasping publishers who used to grind
the poor printer.
Very well, they said, we will call the
papers the Evening Newsn aud the ''Suu-
day Morning News
"Naw you won't,p shouted the newsboys;
''we amt gwine ter learn no moo names ter
holler.n
So the publishers gave the newsboys a
chance to name the paper, and they did it.
1t is THE CRITIC. 1t may not be as good a
paper as the old critic or 1t may be. better
That rem9ins for the great big world to de-
termine.
BY the way, the publishers desire to add
that if the great big world doesn't like the
name Of THE CRITIC, some chap will prob
ably come along and buy II up and change
II again. But few more changes of name
now and then won't surprise this paper,
II is used TO them.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
CHICAGO'S CLAIHS

What if Chicago is the big city of the
Mississippi Valley and the centre of the
country What if it is ready to expend
millions and build a tower higher than
the Eiffel with pile-driver! If the
Government is TO charter a World s
Fair the seat of Government is the
place for it. If the nation is to partici-
pate in an exhibition Of its own max
ing, its national. and not its geograph-
ical, centre, should contain it. No
other country has quibbled over this
expediency. England did not raise her
Crystal Palace at Manchester; Austria
did not erect her RotUade at Linz;
France never for moment thought of
holding her exhibitions at Dion. Yet
all these cities might have advance
pretenses similar to those of Chicago.
Chicago's magnificent interest in the
Worlds Fair is not patriotic; tits not
national. 1t is speculative, entirely. 1t
is the interest OF business men, of rail
road jobbers, Of real estate brokers' 1t
is not stimulated by pride half so much
as by purse. Money, the pineal gland
of Chicago greatness, is the beginning
and end of her efforts in this, as in all
projects. She is no more entitled TO
the Worlds Fair than she is to the Ma
tional Museum, which, did she possess,
she would charter to Kohl 4 Middleton
for ROYALTY.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
SENSATIONAL LITERATURE.

A writer in the Fortnigitly Rcgicw makes
the following defense Of the cheap sepsa-
tional literature which Is read In England.
He says: No doubt sensational novels are,
as arule, very poor stuff, especially those
which are known in the publishing trade as
SHILLING shockers." But however crude
in style and loose in grammar they may be,
they are generally quite harmless, and they
meet the needs OF large number of people
for whom IL is unquestionably better to
read exciting stories than TO do what they
would be doing II they were not reading. /
find that no fewer than 346.000 copies Of
THE Mystery of Hanson Cabn have been
sold in this country in the course OF the
last eighteen months, and 147, 900 copies of
"Madame Midas another book OF the
same class and by the same author In
twelvemontb; and the company which
publishes them has, in the course OF one
year and quarter, sold nearly 100000
of these and other similar books.
Scarcely less remarkable are the statistics
made public not long since at Bristol, from
which 1t appears that some $780, 900 copies of
"Called Back" have been sJld and that up-
ward of a million shilling volumes OF the
kind have been issued during the last four
or five years. When we reflect that the pop
ulatioD Of the United Kingdom is not much
more than 3S,000,00O, the proportion OF
readers represented by the figures | have
given is suffiaiently astonishing. And, there
fore, because it interests the people, who,
for reasons already discussed, have no taste
for choicer fare, and because IL has at least
some claim to our gratitude in so far as It
has displaced low-class periodicals, am
disposed, so long as / am not required to
read it, to support the "shilling shocker,"
which is certainly to be preferred to the
'ipenny dreadful"
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
EASILLON NOTES

The latest thing in hats is dudes head ON
the morning after he sits up with sick
friend.
Checks are fashionable with young ladies'.
They are preferred when they have papa's
signature on the buy MS.
Ladies jackets are made of green billiard
cloth. The belt worn with these Jackets Is
covered with sharp buckles and is called the
''balk line"
S9ede HopsQdei0lrsS are much worn in the
morning. Swede washerwomen are consid
erably worn in the evening about 6 clock
Green isstill the favorite color with Paris
ian dress makers Blue is the color most
popular with the old gentlemen when the
bills come in.
II is no longer considered eHi6Oapoim to
wear parti-colored patches ON the knees Of
ones trousers The patches should be of
red flannel picked out with old-gold floss
1lyfyJgU
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
A MoMENrnrs EVENT.

EditQF critic: One of the amusing phases
of Department life to those who are familiar
with the subject Is the fuss made over the
appointment of an assistant secretary, chief
Of bureau or other prominent official. To-
read the published announcements concern
ing the appointments on such occasions one
would suppose that rnomentous event had
transpired, As matter of fact. the business
of the Department or bureau would In most
cases go on Just as well without the presence
Of the great men who sign papers without
reading them, and who, in many Instances.
would not comprehend their meaning even
If they did read them This thing is we'll
enough understood among the old political
bosses who billet" their friends la these
places.
There is no danger to the public interests
from this practice, as no important public
measure was ever known TO originate with
the heads of bureaux, which change FREE
quently. II must not be supposed, however,
that these officials do nothing Mostor them
delight In the preparation of rules for the
government OF their clerks and the inaugara-
tion OF system OF rigid discipline G0r mes
sengers and laborers stencil-plate or
rubber stamp would answer as well az the
average chief. OBSERVER
Washington, January "a. q
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
To WASHING T0NI1Ns.

The CRIT believes the people of
Washington 4 without question the
most intelligent, democratic c0mmu-
nifty in the wide world-will support a
journal which labors TO maintain indie
pendent views respecting all matters of
public concern and strives at the same
time to exclude the scandals of private
life from its columns. Such viii be the
earnest effort SO long as the present
management holds the helm. journal
ism has its preachers and doctrines,
like every other presumptuous institu-
ton of life, and the theories as to how
y uccess should be gained and extended
are as various and confoundinG as the
moods of the distinguished O'Rourke
Reagan However, it confers but one
reward upon failure, and that is the
shroud of honest purposes,
There are two kinds of independence
in modern journalism, the decisive and
- doubtful The one pursues the
sight line; the other turns courses
pN.6slym, The one never hesitates to
So. |oI
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
AlLOR rINcLr 0MNLL

~ claim you still, for my own loves sake"
-(Ecelyn H0p0 II. Browsing,
! sometimes think, beloved, had we not met,
You might have had fuller life: and yet
IL is not given to us, dear, to forget.
cannot put away from out my life
lis one sustaining comfort. An, the strife
Is hard and bitter, darling, and the knife
That wounds Us both was forged by my own
hand
Before you, dear one, must ever stand,
Knowing that only death can break the band
And yet, oh. best-beloyed far better so
Than free, 10 pass through life but still to
know
That one stood nearer yoa, All, tina, were
wOel
Such pain is spared me. Though we dwell
apart,
Your 1--we has almost healed the bitter smart;
I'VE stand SO close together, heart o heart
The academy. +, y,
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
PROVING THERfGHrs OF NAN.

FROIING THERlGHTS OF NAN.
He had carried my satchel down to the
depot from thehotel at Birmingham, Ala,
and, still carrying it in his hand, he strolled
about and got in the way of baggage
truck being pushed by another colored
man. The latter came to a stop and indig-
nantly demanded
"Yo' pusson, dar--what yo' doin'?"
"Who's pusson, sah?'
"Yo' is'
'Be leetle keerful, sab. hain't dun
used to bein' dressed in dat sort o. way!"
''Shoo! Do yo' know who is?''
''An' do yo' know who isg"
81 represents de baggage department Of
dis yere railroad, san!'
"Hu! AM | represents de public what
is ricn 'nuff to hey any baggage to travel
wild, sab! Boy, doan' yo' go an make any
misake If ya' do darn be mighty
sReercity o. baggage in yo' baggage de-
partment. n-Neo York SIN.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
TIE .SENDAY LAK

A bill "to prevent persons from being
forced TO labor on Sunday" is before
the House Committee on the District Of
Columbia. 1t appears that eX- Attorney
for the District Riddle made the discov-
cry, alarming 10 some and astonishing to
all, that the Federal District was with.
out Sunday law. The zeal of those
worthy persons who believe that the
morals and habits of great people can
be regulated by statute was aroused,
aud determined effort is being made
to secure the passage of compre-
hensive and far-reaching act designed
10 prevent any secular labor or business
in the District on Sunday, except
works Of necessity or mercy" The
bill provides punishment for both
laboTer or employer with equal impair
tialiy.
A proper and practical Sunday law
Is not Objectionable, but the most effec,
tive Sunday laws are those which pre-
vent the wild license Of a mining camp
on the one hand, and avoid the harsh
and narrow restrictions of the Puritan
on the other.
Thus while the store, the shop, the
saloon and the factory should be closed
on Sunday, the institutions Of lit
eTature, science and art could be left
open, 10 the discontinue of few and the
benefit of all.
There are thousands of men and
women in Washington 10 whom these
: Nh.nuu.s.sS esoteric mysteries The
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
A DEAR OLD STORY.

1t is characteristic of some good-natured
men always to agree with those with whom
they converse. 1t is with them point of
politeness never to differ, which sort of
politeness is certainly very amiable kind
OF tact. We have capital instance Of the
value of this policy in the sensible speech
the man who, during one of the Belfast
riots, was asked by mob what his religion
was. He didn't know whether his interro-
gators were Protestants or Catholics, but
he looked at their weapons, their bludgeons
and their firearms, surveyed all carefully,
nd answered; "Gentlemen, am of the
same opinion as that gentleman there with
the big axe. - Chambers Journal.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
neker,s Grsatest poem.

Writ en- for General Phil. kearneyl
Close his eyes; his work is done
What TO him is friend or foeman,
Rise of moon or set of sun,
Hand of man or kiss Of woman?
Lay him low, lay him low,
In the clover or the snow
What cares he, lie cannot know
Lay him low.
As man may, he fought his fight,
Proved his truth by his endeayor;
Let him sleep III solemn night,
Sleep forever and forever.
Lay him low, lay him low,
In the clover or the snow
What cares he He cannot know;
Lay him low.
Fold him IN his country's stars,
Roll the 'rdm and ire the vOlley
What 10 hilnale all our wars
" hat but death bemocking folly?
Lay hin low, lay him low,
In ile clover or the gnow
What cares hey He cannot know;
Lay him low.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
1 Gypsy WEDDLYG.

The ceremony is as solemn as could be
desired. The parents of both bride and
bridegroom bring the young people before
the chief, who addresses them in bombastic
phrases of traditional wording, reminding
them of the duties of married life; where
upon an earthen vessel is smashed to pieces,
and great libatlon, In which brandy is the
principal beverage, finishes the festival.
After this ceremony the young people, Of
whom the bridegroom is seldom older than
Is and the bride 12, are considered duly
married. Standard.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
MIR. wANAMAkrn rNrEnrrulys.

Editor critic: There is a popular and
not uuwarranted opinion among the
clerks in the Sixth Auditors Office that
MI Window, What with his natural admins
trative ability and past experience, is quite
able to manage the affairs OF his Department
In statesmanlike manner, without any
suggestion from Postmaster 6 eueral Wana-
maker The dry-goods sand-general-Yankee-
notion plan may suit the rosto1ice, bat II is
little officious, TO say the least, in the Post
master-General to attempt to encroaeh on
the domain of The Secretary of the Treasury
There are abundant manifest reasons for
the behind-hand condition of work in the
sixth Auditors Once without sadtlling IL
upon few sick women, or even upon the
"sbirkjng" of q small number of lazy or dis
honest clerks. The present Administration
found the work in a terribly disordered aud
crowded condition. Democratic economy
failed to provide requisite additional clerks.
There has been but small addition to the
force in -four years, while the postoffces have
been increased by tens of thousands. 1t is
probable that the entire time lost by sick
leaves in the office would not amount to the
time of two clerks, while forty clerks would
not be too much TO bring up the work to its
proper condition. 10 is a mean and parsi-
monious economy that would punish the
weak and infrm for the msladministration
of legislators and officials. CLERK.
Washington, January 81
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
QrEER CUSTOMS ~ CHICAGO.

We called attention yesterday to the Chi
cago custom of wearing sache containing
myrrh, carbolic acid and cologne. From
esting Chicago practice, to wit, putting
half teaspoonful of sulphur in each stock
ing every morning. There is trumpet-liKe
note in the Inter Oceaa's brief command:
"Put Sulphur in Your soekspi Chicago is
cvid'ntly getting ready to put herself in
quaI sntine. --Nap York Sun.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
4 BJT or y4CT

Upon the conclusion of a marriage IN a
village church the bridegroom signed his
register with his mark. The pretty young
bride did The same; and then, turning TO a
young lady who had known her as the best
scholar in the school, whispered TO her,
while love and admiration shone In her eyes
"He is dear fellow, miss, but he canuot
write. He is going TO learn from me, and
would pot shame him for the world"
10 able TO say the right thing at the
right oment 10 great art, and only
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27

to be acquired by those who have natural
talent that way, When careless talker,
who was criticising young lady's father
severely, paused moment to say, ~ hope
he is mo- relation Of yours, Miss b." quick
as thought she replied, with the utmost non
chalancc; "ODly connection OF mothers
by marriage. - ChamJcrS JourpdL
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
4 DIRE llISUNDERsTAND1NG.

Tommy Toddler-Mr. Getful, won't you
let me take ride in your wagon9
Mr. Getful-My wagon, Tommy? Why,
don't own wagon. What made you
think dide
Why, pop told marin you had a nswful
big load on yesterday.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
TO-NIGHTS AM UsEMENTS.

Alba0ghs, Fifteenth and streets
Fanny Davenport in "La Tosca."
National, Pennsylvania avenue, near
Fourteenth street--Francis Wilson in "The
Oolah.n
BVou, Ninth street and Louisiana ave
Due--"The Fakir."
kcaan's, Eleventh and c streets--Rentz
ssDiley Burlesque Company.
Globe, Pennsylvania avenue, near Eleventh
stFeet--Variety.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
NAWsPApER ADVERTISING PA Us.

Nobody has tried more different kinds
of advertising than we have" said Mr..
Chambers of the firm of Rogers, Peet &
Co. few days ago, ''or tried the different
kinds more thoroughly, but We have settled
down now to regular newspaper advertis-
ing, and believe that, for permanent bust
ness, that alone pays."-New York Sun.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
TWO KINDS OF MEN.

Count d'Eu-As for myself, am ready
to return to Brazil and take possession of
the throne In the name Of Isabella.
Dom Pedro-No matter whether as EN-
reror, President or private citizen, would
gladly return to die among my people.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
mNY Ia Is A SENA rOR.ELEor

81 operate gold and silver mines in Mon
tana, IDAHO, Utah and Arizona. / operate
copper mines in Montana and lead mines In
Arizona. own a gold mill and a silver
mill at Butte. run bank at Butte and
own newspaper In the same city, ,"-iitcr-
riep Win NJ. Ciark Of Montana.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
now ABOUT rnEsR cIncuLAns2

Editor Critic: Have you ever seen or
taken any particular notice of those hybrid
circulars which every or any clerk in the
Treasury Department is compelled to swear
to before a notary public in case he Oh she
has been absent on account of illness? Be-
fore drawing salary on the following pay day,
he or she Is compelled to swear that said5
absence was mes on account OF the use of in !
toxicatiDg liquors or other improper con
duet" This is relic of the immortal You'd
mans! Shades of the godsl!l That anyt
American young lady should be absolutely
compelled to undergo such humiliation
But such Is the fact.
Now, why cannot the Treasury Department
place as much honor and dependence ON It's
clerks as any of the other DepartmentsA
where such circulars are unknown Hasv
not the Treasury Department got every safe. /
guard imaginable TO prevent such excesses 4
or is the standard OF morality so low therei
that they ore compelled to resort TO this un-
American system!
The heads of the various bureaux in that
Department can remain absent e64 days in
theyear, and yet can draw their full salaries
intact without being required even to furnish
PHYSICIANS certificate. Now, in Govern
ment service why should the line be drawn
between the chief of division and the clerks
Is " because the chief gets all the pay AMI
the clerk does all the WORKS
Warrington, January %. E.F.G.
The Washington critic., 1890-01-27
A FEW INSIDE FACTS

Tom Oehiltree says very few of the smart
things that are credited to him. Most Of
them are laid to him by bright newspaper
writers who conceive them. Tom sincerely
objects to being called liar In print He
says that If anybody should call him one to
HE face he would knock him down. Above
all things else he resents being classed with
Eli Perkins and that ilk.