Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1890-08-29
JOKES OF JOHNNY REBS.
Stories Gathered from the Southern Side
the Civil War.

the Civil War.
Once General Hardee came across a strag,
gler and asked him why he did not travel
faster and keep up with his command.
The soldier wished to know what in the
deuce he had to do with it. ~
"Only that am General Hardee, the
commander of this department, was the re-
ply.
oh, you wrote book on tasctics, did
you?"
Il did" said the General.
''Well, ;" said the private. Il have been
taught according to your rules how to
double column at half distance. Now |
wish you would tell me how to double dis
tance on half 'rations."
General Hardee stuck spurs to his horse
and travelled on.
Early In the war one of the men of a
South Carolina brigade was on picket duty
(so-called) near Manassas. There was not
a Yankee within twenty miles of us at that
time. The next day there was to be an in
spection, and our hero had taken his gun
all to pieces and was rubbing it up so as to
make it shine the next day when inspect
ed. While so doing General Barham
who was unknown to the soldier (who was
a new recruit), rode up. ''What are yoa
doing there said General Barham. oh
| am a kind of sentinel, who are you,
anyhow"
''Oh, am only kind Of Brigadier
General, was the answer
Hold on; wait until get this darned
old gun together and | will give you kind
of present" said the sentinel:
But General Barham did not wait. He
went off and reported the luckless soldier,
who in a short time, found himself "a
kind" of prisoner in "a kind of guard
house and had to do number of extra
hours of duty as "a kind" of sentinel.
On one occasion 4 man from Georgia
had been very persistent in personal APP
plication to General Lee for a furlough.
One morning the General asked his tor
mentor if he understood the position of
soldier. He was ordered to assume it.
General Lee then gave the command
right about face; forward, march" As
he never gave the command to halt the
Georgian kept on marching until he
got tired; but this little hint cured him.
and his next application was through the
usual channels.
When General Malone was wounded at
second Manassas some ONE, to comfort
Mrs. Malone, said: "Oh. don't be uneasy;
IL = Only d IitSu hOuuNl- MIS-. NdHOnt.
through her tears cried out: "Oh, ] know
that is impossible There Is not flesh
enough on him for that
don't know whether this is a joke on
the General or the private A day or so
after the old First reached Manassas
Junction in August, 1861, one of the men,
who did not clearly comprehend his posi-
ton, had the impudence to ask General
Beauregard where certain big guns that
had just arrived from Richmond would be
placed. The General replied: Young
man, if the coat on my back knew the
secrets of my heart would cut it in
pieces.
On the Peninsula the gallant and jolly
General Bankhead Magruder had ordered
a meal for himself and staff. A hungry
reb-and who ever saw one who was not
hungry came up to the farm house. es-
pied the nicely filled table. end without
leave or license, sat down and began to
annihilate things. Just then the General
and friends walked in, escorted by the host
All were surprised.
Halt said fiery Magruder, in terms
more explicit than polite. do you know
whose table that Is you are eating at?
mo. sir. y said John Reb, with his mouth
full. Whose IS it?"
General Magruder' 5. sir, the comman-
der of this department.
''All right, General, with another big
mouthful. These war times | ant par
ticuar where | eat or who | eat with; sit
down and make yourself at home.
The foraging private was unceremoni-
ously fired out but not before he had
nearly gotten outside of a pretty square
meal.