Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1890-10-14
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
brother Gardner Is Taken In Once Mo
by ~ Designing Knave.


Brother Gardner Is Taken In Once More
by n Designing Knave.
At the opening of the meeting Brother
Gardner announced that lecture No. 9 OF
the summer series, announced at the
last meeting, would be delivered by the
Hon. Sidehill Wellington, ID. Us. e..
Al, OF Eufaula, Ala. The gentleman
named was known as "The Demosthencs
OF the South" and ranked as philoso-
phcr OF the first water. His subject was;
"Why Ar Dis Thus?" and Samuel Shin
and Pickles Smith were warned to pre-
serve a proper decorum in the presence
of the stranger or be prepared tor the
consequences. S-S'
The honorable gentleman was .htro-
duced by the visiting committee in one
time and three motions. Like all great
philosophers his shoes were down at
the heol, his elbows frayed, his knees
out of true, his general appearance
proved carelessness on his part as to
whether he got up right end first in the
morning. He was received with enthu-
sIastic applause, during which Deacon
Baker managed to give Elder Toots a
vigorous kick and lay it to accident.
As he bowed his applause two buttons
were heard to strike the wall behind
him and his collar made determined
effort to rise above his ears.
"My frens," began the honorable in
voice rich with anticipation OF the COM
ing watermelon season, 1--WE go to bed
at night II we hev no company we go
to bed long bout half-past nine o'clock.
II we hev soiree on hand 1t may DO two
hours later. II / AK you what you 20 to
bod fur you answer to sleep. What do
you sleep fur? You rcply dat 1t is be :
kase natur' intended You to. Yes, but
why did she? You can't tell. You
tumble into bed an lay dar' on your
backs an snooze an snore an dream OF
de lucky numbers in policy, an when
mawnin' comes you fall out an kick
de dog an Jaw de chill'eu. an wish
you was rich an didn't heve to go to
work. Yells of applause Natur'
meant dat you should lie down In sleep
to give de body rest--to let de mus
cles relax, dc nerves grow quiet do
brain ceas its tremendous efforts fur
awhile. My world-renowned tonic,
which kin be had in de ante-room after
dis meetin' adjourns at two-bits bot
tie, ebery bottle warranted to hold half
a pint, will bring about dis happy re-
suit No cure no pay"
The orator paused here to imbibe
glass OF water and puzzled look crept
into Brother Gardner's face. He was
observed to make signal to Giveadam
Jones, and that individua, nodded as IL
ho understood.
1--WE hev do back-ache," continued the
orator-''de back-ache, dc collie, pains
In dc chist, fits of melancholy, bad
dreams. sudden desiah to jump off do
tower OF dc City Hall. We hcv sich
things an We nebber stop to inquar' dc
reason. We jist go right long suiferin,
layin' our sad condishun to Jay Gould,
Vanderbilt an do Standard Oil Com
pany, an nebber supposin' dar is sartin
an cheap cure right at hand. Sensa-
tion. My frens, has the proud satis-
fackshun TO tell you dat | am dc in
ventor, proprietor an sole agent on dis
globe fur dc "Wellington Cholera Pre-
ventative an Lightnin' Con Remover"
IN arter dis meetin' is oter my remedy
Kin be had by any 81 the gcmlen pres
int at de usual price OF two bits box
warranted purely vegetable or money
refunded" High old applause
As the speaker stopped to take an
,thcr pint OF water there was broad