Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-12-18
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Welded Bliss-Too Thin-Not a
Liar-No Ground the Cause-En-
gaging Ways, Etc, Etc.
Welded BLISS.

Welded BLISS.
Mrs. Mulvaney-An' how do yer hus-
band an yerself get along together, Mrs.
O'Brien! Good, | hope.
Mrs. O'Brien-Oh, yis; very good,
Mrs Mulvaney. Here we've bin married
goin' on six months, an amt had to
call in the police but twice. Life.
TOO THIN.
Young lady-Did you make an excuse
for me, Mary, when Mr.. Jones called?
Hired Girl did, miss
"What did you say?"
81 said you were in bed with tooth
ache
Mercy And he knows every tooth
in my head is false
Landlord Hooks (of the Tanner
House)-Can you refer me to work
from which / can learn how the ancients
constructed those catapults that would
throw stones half mile?
Friend-Don't believe I can. Why
do you want such information?
Hooks-Wcll, you see, I've advertised
that the Tanner House is within a stones
throw of the depot, and now l have got
to rig up some plan for throwing that
stone. | am enterprising, but | am not
a liar Munseys Weekly.
NO GROUND THE CAUSE.
son what ground, Mr.. Cautious, do
you propose to break our engagement"
"There is no ground, Miss Bellows;
that's the trouble. Ihad supposed, when
we became engaged, you owned large
farm Epoch.
A HARD CASE.
A Fort-st. car, which was travelling the
northerly end of its route, was hailed by
a bareheaded and excited housewife who
said to the conductor as the car came to
a stop:
''Oh, sir, you and the driver and all the
passengers come into my house as quick
as ever you can!"
"What's the matter2"
''It's perfectly awful, srl I opened
the stair door and mouse ran into the
sitting room, and he's there yet. That's
my daughter crying in the back yard,
and that's the poor baby yelling in the
kitchen, and bring your revolver and q
club and"
The conductor rang two bells and the
car rolled on Detroit Free Press.
ENGAGING WAYS.
Miss Snipperton-Miss Flippante was
fance to no less than four men at the
same time last summer.
Miss Quipperton-W you know she
has such engaging ways.
HE OBJECTED.
Mrs. Bowers Shall we have q cele-
bration on our tin wedding, my dear2
Mr.. Bowers-Oh, goodness, mol Just
think of the lot of tin horns that the
people might bring for the use of the
youngster. A thousand times mol
lMunsey's Weekly.
FREQUENT STRIKER.
Gazzam-Snodgrass is on q strike
again.
MaddoX-Is he2
Gazzam-Yes; he struck me for $40
this morning.
AMBIGUOUS.
Pilkupson--I tell you, Follower, that
youngest boy of mine is genius in his
way.
Koltover (who knows the PRODIGY
Yes and in everybody else's.
CHANCE FOR ARGUMENT.
Cultured Mother-Did you write to
the tailor about that suit of clothes3
Small Son-Yes, ma; here's the letter
G. M.-Mercy You've spelled suit
SCOT.
S. S.-Isn't that right?
black stuff
S. S.-These clothes are of black
stuff.
G. M.-But SCOT is the black stuff that
gathers in chimney. The word you
should use is suit. 1t comes from the
French, and means set.
S. S.-But these clothes don't set.
That's why we're sending 'em back
-LGood News.
TIE RIGHT MAN FOR THE PLACE.
Will Putough-Cutaway who is that
nice clerical-looking old gentleman that
called around yesterday with statement
of my account?
Cutaway Che tailor)-That is Professor
Mustee, the famous collector of antiqui-
ties. l have just engaged him. Puck.
A FIGHTER.
"Your son has joined the Four Hun
dred and Fourteenth Regiment, l hear"
eyes"
SIS he likely to make good soldier"
"Yes, indeed. John is a fighter Not
afraid of anybody. Why, he knocked
his captain down the other night for
reprimanding him. y Bazaar.
QUICK CHANGE OF TUNE.
Boy of the Neighborhood-Wot's yer
name?
New Boy-Jim Hodge. Wot's yourn?
tom Kadger. Got any big
brothers2'
"No."
"Father and mother b'long to
church2"
'Yes; but don't. know what yer
a-drivin' at. If ye want to fight l kin do
ye up in two minutes"
adapting himself to changed condi-
tion of things.)
"Let's you an me go an lick Bob
Burnham. p Chicago Tribune.
THE POWER OF oRAToRY.