Dodge City times., 1890-05-02
WIT AND HuM0R.


All the worlds a stage, and all the
men and women want to ride on top.
-Teras Sitaings.
An idle of the serf-when an editor
takes day of to ride out q free pass.
-ElnlirG Star.
1t is the man who can't sing that
seems anxious that every one should
know it.-Yonkers Statesman.
Sunday-School Teacher What is
more to be desired than great riches?''
Chorus of Scholars-..Nothin T.
Herald
You say that drinking is one of
your husbands failures?" Failures?
o. no. 1t is one of his successes. ~
Y. Ledger.
The dude is regarded as in some re-
spects the most elegant of the many
patterns of cigarette-holders.-Wash-
ington Post.
Sometimes the Office seeks the man,
but generally the man knows when
the office is on his track.-RocheSter
Post-Erpress.
Artful Dodger-"Quite spell we're
havings" officer Quitting on the hand
cuffs)-"Yes. quite a cold snap
Boston Herald.
Are You still out in the country?"
''Out! l should say l was. am out
just the cost of my farm and two years
taxes. ~ Y Sun
'.Her feet flew," read Ichabod, but
Jonathan spoiled the climax by saying.
Then she must have had soar toes.n
-Binghamton Republican.
Orderly Sergeant TO Recruit (who
has his mouth wide open)-'.Be good
enough to close your reporting ap-
paratus. s."-Fliegende Blatter.
1t generally turns ont that. sooner or
later, every Napoleon of Finance"
bumps up to his sorrow against Well
ingtOn of Justice.-Philddelphia Press.
The real autocrat of the breakfast
table wears big apron, carries tray,
and doesn't bring in the coffee until he
gets good and Washington Post.
There are few things in the world
really worth getting angry about, but
there are lots of things that justify ,
man in getting gmad.-Somerrille Jour.
nal.
They say all good Americans go to
Paris when they die" .'Yes. all ex-
cept the messenger BOYS" Where do
they go?" ITO Philadelphia. Y.
Sun.
Agnes-''I should think those long
tunnels would be very dangerous while
travelling" Mabel-"They are, if you
are not engaged. ."-B1rIington Free
Press.
He-"They say it takes three gener-
ations to make gentleman" She
'Indeed! What pleasant prospect
for your grandson. Clothicr and Fur
nisher.
Briggs-'So you got the cook fired.
did you? How did you work it?"
Braggs-"I pretended to find re-
semblance between her and first wife,"
-1erre Hdute Express.
Cholly am practicing on the
typewriter every day now" Mollie-
Il thought there was a remarkable
improvement in your courting here
lately. y."-Terre Hdute Erpress.
"How would you like to sing in our
church choir?" asked the deacon.
''Thank you." she replied. swcetly.
''but never had any ambition in the
way of light opera. Washington Post.
A man has to have moral courage to
refrain from looking sidewise at the
letter his next neighbor in the horse
car is diligently reading. A woman
can't do it, auyway.-Son,ercille Jour
nal.
What is Old Probabilities?" asked
Willie, who had been listening to the
conversation about the weather. 1T
is glaring misnomer. replied an old
gentleman with a sigh. Washington
Post.
Sukker (who lives on his friends)-
"What's them? Beets? No. thanks.
I never eat beets." Blunt-"Does you
credit, old man. 1t would look a lit
tie like cannibalism, that's fact."-
Boston Transcript.
Helpful Wife-'.Why is it, my dear,
that although you have so often been
nominated for Office you have always
been defeated?" Defeated Candidate
(gloomily)-"I have always run on
taxpayers tickets. ~. Y. Weekly.
"A penny for your thoughtsw ex-
claimed Miss Amy to young Goslin,
20, aw-I don't want to wob you like
that, doncher know" replied Goslin.
and then he couldn't see why every
body laughed SO uproariously-N i.
Sun.
Fenderson-'.What is the reason. I
wonder. that that fellow comes here
every day or two to make a fool of
himself?" Fogg-'1 don't know. un-
less it is he believes in doing in Rome
as the Romans do Boston Tram
script.
Blinks (after long absence)-'.And
how is Jinks getting along? Is he as
madly in love with Miss De Pretty as
ever?" Friend-''O. he's all over that"
You don't say so." "Yes, indeed.
Been married to her q year."-M Y.
Weekly.
Mrs. Gray-"And has the Rev. Mr..
Blacks ministry been a very successful
one among the people here" Mrs.
White-'O. yes. indeed! Why. he's
had his salary raised no less than three
times since he came!'-Boston Tran
script.
Miss Simper-"Do you know, Mr.:
Upperten told me last evening that 1
reminded him, in looks, Of Miss
Daisy" Miss Caustic-'I never no.
ticed any resemblance. my dear; l al
ways thought Miss Daisy pretty
Boston Times.
The Doctor-"Why have l never
married? Why should 1? Cat and
dog life at best" The Admiral-..Not
in my case" The Doctor-"O. pshaw,
now, everybody knows-come then.
how do you manage it!' The Admiral
-"All cat."-N r Tribune.
visitor-I presume it was poverty
that drove you to commit the deed that
brought you here?" Convict NO,
indeed. was coming money" Visitor
What were you engaged at?" Con-
II 6o oosv, ~