The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-03-04
OF Fl DAY.

Misers ought to be large buyers Of chest
protectors.
Wicked sinners are q direct tax on the
truly good-PicGy~he.
Kind words are like bald heads, they
can never dye.-S!t6ngs.
The sick man wants a constitutional
amendment.-AerchGnt Traveller.
If you should happen to want your ears
pierced, just pinch the baby.-1erGs
Sytjngs.
The family stovepipe was never meant
for a pipe of peace.-BimghamtO~ Re
publican.
Married life is moi all thorns. You
strike a nettle once in a while Pha1G-
delphiG Inquirer.
Evergreen trees are the dudes of the
forest. They make the sprucest boughs.
Rome Sentinel
If a young woman's disposition is gun
powder, the sparks should be kept away
from her.-Te Ledger.
"What is a laundry, mother" at is
a place, my child, where your father
sends his shirts to be torn into ribbons"
Boston Gazette.
els it a crime to be a woman 2" said
the pretty agitator. "f it is, it's a very
capital crime, E" rejoined a gallant auditor.
-Mumsey's Weekly.
Jimpson-"Did you ever have suit
brought against your" Jimpson-"No
but I've had many a bill for q suit brought
against me."-LGwrenee american.
Observation-Disclosures did you and
Smith talk about ?" "About fifteen
minutes" 81 mean, what did you talk
over2" The telephone. "-Harper's Bazaar.
A lecturer is out with the subject,
" The Coming Man and What We Owe
Him." The coming man is the collector,
and he is after what people owe him.
Picaywne.
Allow is your grandfather coming
out?" B.-"My grandfather? He las
been dead over a year and a half" A
"Ah, that explains why I see him so
seldom of late."-TsUas Sy!7ings.
In the summer, it is pleasant
Meath the moonlight pale, to stroll;
Now it strikes me i would rather
Stay in doors, and kisses gather,
While we burn her fathers coal.
-KeGTnEy Enterprise.
Young MIS-. Newbride never told but
n of her feminine acquaintance that
she returned the skinner Indignantly to
the store from which it was ordered be-
cause when it came she found that it was
full of holes.-SOmerVGGe Journal.
George-"The ring doesn't seem to fit
very well, Clara. Hadn't I better take it
back and have it made smaller" Clara
-"No, George; an engagement ring is
an engagement ring, w if l have to
wear it around my neck."-JWdge.
Lizzie" remarked Sir Walter Raleigh
to the Queen, wherein do a mans sins
resemble a bill collector" Gin good
truth / know not" replied her Majesty.
"Wherein do they?" I'm their pro-
pensity for finding him out" quoth Sir
W~alter.-Mumsey's Weekly.
"Master Charlie, you are to go home at
once. If you stay put a moment longer
you will be punished" Was it nom
or pop who said I should be punished ?"
"Your mamma" IN be home in an
hour or so. A fellow can take care of
himself, l guess, when he's ten.
deEphia Society.
Gentleman Ito young lady from Rich
mond, on the cars)-"Beg pardon, but I
am a physician. Your companion is very
pale. Is she seriously afected?" Young
Lady-"P Painfully so, I assure you.7
"An aneurism, perhaps? 2" ono; I think
his name is Arthur Jones. "-Richmond
Recorder.
A correspondent writes to ask a con-
undrum. He says: What is the differ
ence between a pair of suspenders and a
bread knife2" We give up the conundrum
and recommend that, if the correspondent
really wishes to learn the difference, he
essay to cut bread with a pair of suspen-
ders and try to keep his trousers up with
a bread knife.-AmerScG.
VALUE OF PERSONAL CHARMS