Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-03-24
Brown-Business brisk? Scissors-grir

Brown-Business brisk? Scissors grind
er-Yes, everything is dull.
To have what we want is riches, but to
be able to do without it is power.
Is the woman who goes to church to
exhibit her seaskin sacque religious?
The man who laid up money for rainy
day just struck it this winter.
Applicant don't know anything about
music. It's the position of drum-maior I
want.
man IN Harlem, N. Y, books his CT
gar expenses under the head of closes
by fire."
woman, He is expected to forgive so
much.
Woman may be conundrum-a puzzle
but the world will never willingly give
her up.
The young lady who has the most beaux
is not always the one who gets tied to the
best husband.
Mistress-There goes another dish brok-
enl Scramble aisy, marin, it was only
one hadn't washed.
''Ma. when was your wooden wedding?"
''It was when married your father, john
ME- she answered, grimly.
Tell a woman that she looks fresh and
how she will smile. But you must choose
your man before telling him the same
thing.
In an intelligence office-Agent (tO fe-
male applicant you married or sim
gle? Applicant (blushing) -Nayth mum,
Dim engaged.
My dear child, what are you crying so
for? Oh, DEAR My father has gone and
lost me, and 1 know my mother will scold
him so when he gets home
Minister-So you saw some boys fish
ing on the Sabbath, my young man. Did
you do anything to discourage them?
Small boy-Yes, sir; stole their bait
That's rather rough-looking police
man you have on this block Eyes, he
is hard-looking fellow, but he has one
mighty good point. He doesn't snore.'
M-m-y d-d-dear love you W-w-wiIl you
be-begun Mr.. NJ. Pediment. That will
do, replied the proud beauty, do not
care to be wOoed on the installment plan.
All, that horse was gallant beast, said
Gen. Vane. You should have seen him at
Antietam-he scented the battle afar off.
You bet he did, said Khul, if you were on
him.
A gentleman presented a lace collar to
the object of his alteration, and, in a Joe
ular way, said: Do not let any one else
rumple it. No, dear, said the lady, L will
take it off.
am quite surprised, Mr.. Meeker, to
account for your wife's knowledge of
parliamentary law. She? Great Caesar /!
Hasn't she been speaker of the House for
the last fifteen years?
Mamma Cooking up from her novel;
Jane, what ais Freddy now! Jane-He's
crying for the moon, mamma Mamma
(absorbed in her reading) %, well, let
the dear have it.
Fashionable doctor (out for a days
shooting)- Never saw such luck. What's
the matter with the birds. 1 can't kill
one of them. Noble host-Write 'em a
prescription, doctor.
Pompous Party = So you are the ex-
change editor, young man. Nautically
speaking, you are clipper? Searnelle-
No. Inasmuch as ply the scissors for
living, 1 am u revenue cutter.
Chief (to fireman throwing water into
burning church, why are you keeping
a stream on after the fires out? Fireman
Its the first time in my life that ever
had a chance to play on the organ.
Sawnter-I had quite an exciting expe-
rience in Texas. Three train robbers
boarded the car. Fangle-Did you and
the other passengers dispense them?
Sawnter-No; they dispersed US.
Station Master-Come, come, my good
mani You mustn't walk on the track.
Tramp (disgustedly) = The conductor
says l can't ride, land you say can't walk.
What's yer blamed old road here for any
way?r
The Country Editor - Stranger -
What occupation has that man who is
swinging in that hammock over there
sOnnyE Boyle haiE't got no occupation
that anybody in this town ever seen. He's
an editor.
''Been writing any poetry. lately, old
man :" Mono for a month So" ''What
Is the matteri" UOh read in all the
newspapers that Browning was unques-
tionably one of the greatest poets of the
century, and concluded I'd back ont.