Morning journal and courier., 1890-05-02
RICH.

No matter how generous hearted man may be, 1t never seems to do him any good to sit down and think how rich his next door neighbor is.-Somerville Journal.
 A smart boy is Johnson's son; quite a little man. B. (who is not friendly to John son)-Yes. He resembles his father, who is about as small @ man as I ever met Texas Siftings.
 Standing Alone.-Uncle Sam-"Think you can stand alone, now, do yous" Chica- go usiastically)-"Yes, indeed; we can stand loan of $10,000, ,00O."-New York
 Weekly.
 Wibble-"What sordid, unsatisfying
 thing it is for man to devote his whole life
 to the mere pursuit of wealth." wabble-
 s'Especially if he doesn't get it."-Terre
 Haute Express.
 A Long Hunt.-Jersey Farmer-"Out
 huntin', be your City Sportsman (wearily) -"Y-e.s, been hunting all day for patch
 of woods without law penalty sign on it." New York Weekly.
 The True Reason.-Miss Beaconhill-"1
 wonder what the philosophical reason is that
 men who mind their own business generally suoceedf" Jack Aatthews-"Perhaps because
 there is so little competition in that line."-
 Harvard Lampoon.
 Ungrammatical mother, at Il p. m., from
 toP oA stalIe GuuaIs 1s MT. 0loW-to-
 go left yeti" Slangy, but grammatical En-
 I have just informed him that can never be anything more than a sister to him" ."-New York Herald.
 "I am going to write poem," said Willie Washington. t'You don't know how."
 "Y-a-a-s; I've just found the secret '
 "Whst is itr' ''F'irst you've got to make folks think that you don't know what you are talking about, and then that maybe you do and they don't" Washington Post. John Vindicated.-"Our John is the great. est fellow to put off you ever saw" "He pro crastinates. ehl' ooh, dear, no; don't think John would do anything 50 bad as that. He ever heard anybody say about him" m."-Texas Siftings.
 Behind the Times.-Miss Chouteau (from St. Louis, examining Cleverton's Ascot)- | ''Did you tie that yourself, Mr. Cleverton. Cleverton-"Certainly." Miss Chouteau-
 "That's just like you slow New Workers. Il you lived in St. Louis you could buy your neckties already made. ."-Olothier and Fur nisher.
 Clerk-'If you please, sir, I shall have to ask you to excuse me for the rest of the day. :! have just heard of-er-an addition to my family" Employer-"Is that so, Penfoldl What is it, boy or girla" Clerk-"Well, sir, the fact is-er(somewhat embarrassed) it's
 two boys." Employer-"Twins, ehs Young man, I'm afraid you're putting on too many heirs. ."-Munsey's Weekly. At the close of a fair in South Boston the other evening the unsold articles were offered at auction, and round lot of cream pies were knocked down to gentleman who seemed particularly anxious to get them. "My wife made these pies," he said, and gave them to the fair; but as she never makes any of this quality except to give away, my only chance is to buy them" And then he sat down and consumed couple in silence. Boston Post.
 While the Hon. Thaddeus Stevens was practicing law at Lancaster, Penn., a boy
 sidled up to his desk. "Take off your hat,
 Mr. Stevens eaid. "I sin't got my hat on, | replied the boy. "What do you mean by
 contrsdioting mel" demanded MT. Stevens. 'I ain't got my hat on," persisted the boy ! "it's my brother Joe's hat" "Oh," MT. Stevens said as he repressed his smile. l "Well, the next time you have an errand l hers bring Joe with you, so that he can take l of his hat."-Harpers Young People.