Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-08-15
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

IL u NUN OE IhE DAl.
Concocting a felony-Mixing drinks
in Kansas.
''Did her father kick2" eyes, but he
missed, thank my stars. life.
There's all the difference in the world
between friend in need and needy
friend. Binghamton Leader.
The employc may not be meddler,
but he is always minding somebody else's
business. - Washington Star.
The saddest words of tongue or pen,
There are too many women and not enough
men.
Washington Post.
She Ito young lawyer)-"What kind
of practice do you have, Mr.. SHARPE"
He-"Oh, l practice economy. Mum
sey's Weekly.
A Chicago man has discovered a cure
for insomnia. He sets his alarm clock to
go off few minutes after he gets into
bcd.-Statesman.
The down of peach is apparent; the
down of a tanana may not be apparent
at first glance, but sooner or later you
tumble to it. Yonkers Gazette.
"Well, Lam engaged to marry Miss
Mabel" "Good! How did you break
the ice?' "There wasn't any ice. 1t
was mild winter. - Chicago Times.
"It's pretty tough luck" complained
the big trunk, s'to find yourself COM
pletely strapped just when you're starting
off on big journey. Shoe Recorder.
The things of earth change to and fro,
They move, they glide, they run, they fit,
But Keeley's motor doesn't go
The leastest tiny little bit.
Chicago Post.
Teacher Cat Sunday schooD -"Betty,
what have we to do first before we can
expect forgiveness for our sins9" Betty
-"We have to sin first. "-Sdn Fran
cisco Wasp.
Landlord = "There are some fine
springs in the neighborhood of this farm
house." City Guest-"Th 1 advise
you to put a few of them in your beds"
Boston Gazette.
At dinner of physicians in Paris, the
presiding officer arose and said: 81
drink to the health" "Never, never;
we protest." came from all parts of the
room.-Boston Journal.
Wife-'sJohn Jones, you're a fool!"
Hnsbaud-"You didn't SEQ to think so
when l was single" Wife-'No, you
never showed what fool you were until
you married me."-Epoch.
The little Thermometer smiled in glee
As the mercury upward drew
To the century mark and silently asked:
"ls it hot enough for your
philadelphia Times.
Astronomy in the Tradc.-Customer-
81 want nice moonstone scarf pin."
Jeweler-"Would you like it set full or
in skeleton2" Customer-"Full9 No,
sir! / want new moonstone. ."-Je,oel-
ers' Weekley.
Charlie-ssWhat an intelligent dog
Wildfire is, Miss De Witt. l actually
believe he knows as much as l do"
Miss De Witty Yes, indeed; wouldn't
wonder if he knew more than that, Mr..
Featherbrane. ~ Bostonian.
''NIr. Lushley," said that gentleman's
wife, in irate tone, edo you know that
it's 3 o'clock in the morninga" "Coursh
/ dush," was the reply. ''Doan you
shposh I'm shober 'nuff know free clock
when I shee it2"- Washington Post.
''Pass me the rolls" said the profess
sor. "Thcy are all gone" said the
landlady. "You were late for breakfast
and they were eaten" "What time do
you call the rolla shall endeavor to be
present hereafter. "-New York Herald.
Simpson--"What are you going about
for grinning like poorhouse idiota
Have you been taking laughing gasa"
De Smith-"No; but I'm promised a
position as a hotel clerk at a seaside re-
sort, and I'm getting the bland smile
we'll in hand"
Fred-I fain would always linger thus, and
taste the sweets of life divine;
Life loses all its petty cares, since. Lucy,
dearest, thou art mine.
Lucy--But dearest Fred, remember this:
We are but human, not divine;
You bread and butter must provide il you
would have me ever thine.
Boston Budget.
Hc-"Weally, am out of bweath.
My man has just logged me out in my
tennis rig, dom We knaw, when l we
ceived message saying that you had
changed your mind about tennis and
were going to the wegatta instead" She
-ssIndeed! wonder who could have
notified you2 didn't know that had
an enemy in the world. - Cloak Reuiee.