Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-12-28
CURRENT NEWSPAPER WIT.

Miss Plessy-"Do you ever have tableaux
vivants at your house?" mo. My wife is
dyspeptic and has to be very careful what
she eats. "-Nea0 York Ne,0s.
Restaurant Proprietor-"Wha has been
your experience as waiter?" Applicant
well. know enough to fold dirty napki in
with the clean side ut."-Neg York Jour
nal
What do you suppose started the i'm.
preston that fish was eficacious as brain
food?'' 1.-The fact that the fish are them.
selves educated" "Eh?" "Well they go
in schools, you Knows. Joseph Meas.
MRS. Ronig-"What did you pay yard
for that, Mrs. Rooney" Mrs. Rooney
Nine cents" why, they charged me
ten cents for the same goods on Wednes-
day" Yes; but Wednesday was bargain
day."
AS he sat in the parlor awaiting her
coming he could not suppress his ecstacy
"In few minutes l will meet her" he
murmured softly. Then in few minutes
/ won't metre" was the sage remark of the
gas pipe, hearing what he said.-Munsey's
Weekly.
McShane Ito Cuddihy, who has Just fal-
len from the roof)-"Arrah Moike, Moike,
are yez kilt" Cuddihy-"Oi thinks not,
JOuif Uut WuiSupeT. cWudt IS IL is
me poipe broken? Oh have it in me hip
pocket
when was the first steel ship built p
sob, hundreds Of years ago." well,
guess not Steel wasn't heard of hundreds
of years ago. Where's your authority for
the statement Didn't Captain Kidd
have steel ship ?''-Boston Traveller.
What number, please?' asked the cour.
teous shoe clerk, as the young lady took
her seat upon the sofa in the store, and the
telephone girl dreamily responded: Now,
don't talk shop like that; l came in here to
get some shoes" SomeruiHe Journal.
Wool-"It's the strangest thing to me
that Bronson don't try to curb himself; he
is going down hill fast" Van Pelt-"Curb
to it last night "What did he do ?" HE
guttered himself. "-NeW York Herald
Whenever you come across a duck that never
cares to take swim;
When apples grow upon vine and pumpkins
grow upon limb;
When pigs wear feathers and the chickens all
array themselves in bristles,
Oh, then is when you'll likely find the boy who
never, never whistles.
Defeated Candidate-"Think how much
it has cost me And what good did it all
do?" Disbursing Agent What good did
1t do Why don't you know, sir, that
every ward politician in the city will have
roast turkey and plum pudding for dinner
next Sunday ?"-B Boston Transcript.
Druggist-"Why do you constantly look
back of you and smile so idiotically?'
New Clerk-'I read the other day that
| Death is always grinning over the shoul-
der of the man behind the prescription
counter and want him to see that I'm
not afraid of him. n-Pharmaceutical Era.
Wife (petulantly)-"Such a lump of
sel6shness The house was full of strange
noises last night, and 1 didn't dare close
my eyes once. and there you were sleeping
like log. Burglars might have carried us
both off and you wouldn't have known it,"
Husband (wearily fret, dear. If
they ever carry you of they'll bring you
back"
Is genius the quality one must possess
To win place of honor in lie?
Or is it hard luck which brings success;
Does luck play any part in the strife?
Such were the questions which puzzled my
hesd,
And to the wise man put them ALL
It's none of these" at once he said
1.-The one thing neediul is plenty of GALL