Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1890-08-23
FANFARE'S SACRIFICE.

had borne that noble title. There was moth
ing very remarkable about Lord Fanfare; he
was an easy going old boy. | don't think
that at any period of his career he would ever
have set the Thames on fire If he had tried;
but am very, very certain that he never did
try. The Fanfares were not a rich family;
they had been courtiers for generations and
don't think they got much out of it Old
Fanfare himself. when he only held the COM
plimentary title of Lord Tootle, had been a
royal page, and had commenced life as a
courtier; then he went into the guards; and
then he did the wisest thing he ever did in his
life, he bolted with the daughter of the late
proprietor of the Methuselah pill, and he
came into a hundred thousand pounds and
the business. Then young Lord Tootle sold
out Of the guards, and settled down at the
age Of So, getting as much fun possible out
of his wife's fortune and the Methuselah pill
Lord Fanfare was not unkind to his wife; at
first he was quite a pattern husband, but
gradually a GOODNESS arose between them, for
poor Lady Fanfare failed to present him with
an heir.
At the end of ten years, however, the little
Lord Tootle was born, and at his birth his
mother died, and from that time forward
Lord Fanfare devoted himself to the rearing
were the traps set for that willy old bird,
Lord Fanfare. Mothers cringed to him,
daughters smiled at him, widows ogled him,
musical girls played at him, vocal girls
squalled at him; but all in vain. Lord Fan
fare wasn't a marrying man, and the ladies
had their labor for their pains. They resent
ed that, the dear creatures-of course they
did; and then they had their revenge 1t was
Lady Kitty Candour who set it going !
mean that it was Lady Kitty who first start
ed the rumor of Lord Fanfareis wickedness
you've only got to look at him. people
said, land you'll see that it's true at glance.
Why, he dyes his hair and he wears a chin
tuft-all very wicked old men dye their hair
and wear chin tufts. He goes to Tattersall's
regularly, he's very thick with theatrical
people, he's a member of the Pandemonium
club, and, to crown his iniquity, he's a direc-
tor of a music hall company"
"Why does he dress as if he were a tailor's
advertisement" said Lady Drumthwackit,
whose penniless daughter Hilda had tried
very hard indeed for the old gentleman and
had miserably failed.
"And he paints, ma, / know he does" cried
the artless Hilda, "or how could he have the
complexion of youth of 13f'
HE has wonderful complexion" replied
1t to all the world"
Now, the fact was that Lord Fanfare kept
his connection with the Methuselah pill very
dark indeed; but he had wonderful COM
plexion, and being fond of joke and liking
to do a stroke of business at the same time
he had allowed the omnibuses to literally
bristle with his portrait, beneath which was
the following ridiculous advertisement:
81 am Is today, and yet, thanks to the Me-
thuselah pill, my complexion is that of boy
of T.-Fanfare
You can't doubt the word of peer of the
realm, you know, and the sale of the Methu
selah pill was vastly increased.
The fact is that Lord Fanfare wore a chin
tuft simply because chin tufts were in fash
ion when he was young bachelor in the
guards; he went to Tattersalls simply be
cause he'd gone TO Tattersall's all his life; he
was director of a music hall company be-
cause he was large shareholder, and because
he liked the little directorial suppers, and be
cause in music hall matters he was a very
knowing old boy indeed.
Lord Fanfare and his friend and co-direct-
or, Mr.. David Psalmanezar, were sitting in
the directors box at the International Pal
ace of Varieties each with Brobdingnagian
opera glass in his hand, and they were star
three talented sisters, Laura, Cora and Dora
Flarer, were going through their well known
entertainment
They're dirt cheap at a hundred a week, :"
remarked Mr.. David Psalmanezar why,
half the chappies in town are over head and
ears In love with them, and they have to
drink unlimited WHISTLES and sodas our
WHISTLES and sodas," he added, with laugh
Ito drown their sorrows; and there amt a
doubt" said Psalmanezar, who was a vulgar
man, with chuckle, that they're summers,
and that Laura's the stunningest of the three;
but / don't think / should care for her as a
daughter-in-law,n continued Mr.. Psalman-
ear.
mo, think l should draw the line there
remarked his lordship
Then why on earth don't you stop itT' re-
piled Mr.. Psalmanezar.
stop It'll" cried his lordship. stop whatr'
you've always been a good pal to me,
Fanfare" remarked Psalmanezar; "it's no
business of mine, but they do say, Fanfare,
my boy, that Spindles is going to marry her.n
Now, Spindles was a nickname that had
been bestowed upon young George Blowhard,
commonly called Lord Tootle, as the newspa-
pers say; his fellow chappies called him
Spindies behind his back aud to his face, be-
Of very thin, long legs.
Don't chaff, said his lordship, angrily.
"rm not chatting, replied his friend and
codirector; that's the talk here, and be-
lieve lisa straight tip, old man."
''pm immensely obleeged to you, I'm sure"
said his lordship. He was an old fashioned
nobleman, and he always said obleeged, for
the same reason that he wore chin tuft-not
because Of his natural wickedness, but be-
cause 1t was the fashion in his young days.
And then Lord Fanfare bounced out of the
international Palace of Varieties as though
he'd been frog jumping out of hot frying
pan.
Next morning he sent for his son.
George" he said, addressing Lord Tootle,
when / die you'll be q rich man"
I'VE won't talk about that, father,n said
Lord Tootle; and he said it sincerely, for the
young man. though a ''chappie," was fond Of
his father
You know what the position is, George
said Lord Fanfare, very seriously. Fan
fare castle is entailed; 1t costs a thousand a
year to keep up. You might, perhaps, let it
for R3OO, and you can't sell it, To a poor
man, George, the castle 10 just white ele-
plant. IL you offend me, Tootle," said his
lordship severely, you'll be pauper Now,
sir" cried Lord Fanfare, in a tremendous
voice, "whats all this hear about Laura
FlarerI"
Father" said Lord Tootle, in a frightened
whisper, "I've asked her to marry me, and
she's hesitating because I've nothing to settle,
and mines only courtesy title"
Then for a full half hour did Lord Fanfare
alternately retreat. bully and argue.
But George Blowhard, commonly called
Lord Tootle, stood to his guns
Then his father lost his temper. "Out of
my presence, sirP' he cried. "I'E lock you
up, III apply for lunacy commission Dam
me, sirP added the old man theatrically.
III save you In spite of yourself, or-or I'll
perish in the attempt"
Next afternoon Lord Fanfare called unon
Miss Iaura Elarar h.u. Li....