davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1890-06-23

spent my first twenty years. said veteran
statesman the other day. in the intervals OF tanning
trying to make people sec the exact point OF every
thing whether they would or not Found out they
wouldn't, so now Pm spending my second twenty IN
trying to keep the dear old donkeys from seeing the
exact point OF anything Just as good exerclse-ahd
more fun
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31

Don't readl Don't think
Don't believe i Now. are you
betterl
You women who think that
patent medicines are a hum
bug, and DR.. Pierce's Favor
tie Prescription the biggest
hurnbug of the whole because
it's best known of all)-does
your lack-offaith cure come !
It's very easy to "don't in
this world. Suspicion always
comes more easily than con-
fidence. But doubt - little
faith = never made a sick
woman we'll l. and the ETA
vorite Prescription has cured
thousands of delicate, weak
women, which makes us think
that our Prescription is
better than your don't believe.
We're both honest. Let us
come together. You try DIR.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription.
If it doesn't do as represented,
you get your money again.
Where proofs so easy, can
you afford to doubt
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
inexperienced kissers.

Said a young friend to me the other
day: II am getting tired of having my
hair upset and my corsage bouquet
torn all to pieces by beginners, and l
believe if the dear boys were only told
how to 60 about it they would not make
such perfect mess OF it.
There is no necessity of grabbing a
girl as though she had stolen a pocket
book and making lurch at her as
though you had accidentally stepped
one foot in coal hole while walking
rapidly along the street. There is no
actual necessity to get clutch on her
dress and try to tear it off or turn her
over inside of it. There is no necessity
Of pulling her head forward with such
intensity that her eyes are endangered
by scarfpins and long pencils protrud-
ing from upper vest pockets. There is
no use firing u kiss promiscucusly Of
her eye or ear or neck. To begin with,
the girl is not trying to get away.
Keep cool; bear in mind that you have
the soulful sympathy of your victim
and your aims are identical-that she
has as much at stake as you have.
Keep perfectly cool and collected; gent
ly insert your right coat sleeve about
her Directoire costume and turn her
gently toward your manly form. Place
your other and rs yet unoccupied arm
in such position as the exigencies of
the occasion seem to demand and give
a gentle and soulful pull. as Amelie
Rives Chanler calls it. BY this time
the rosebud mouth is turned toward
you. Lean over gently and let nature
do her work. That's all. Girls don't
like any other WAY, BOYS.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
The Lawyer Knocked Out.

Representative Mason tells court
yarn" the incidents of which occurred
while he was an attorney In Iowa. Ma.
son appeared as counsel for the de-
PENDANT. While engaged in delivering
his argument an old countryman en-
tered the court and took seat next to
the panel of jurors. Mason naturally
directed his attention frequently to the
furthest man from him, as he thought,
in the jury. This happened to be the
venerable man from the country. CLAIR
ing at him, he said:
Gentlemen OF the jury, want to
know how on earth this man (referring
to the plaintiff in the case, but staring
at the supposed JUROR can have the
assurance to come into court? What
does he want? What is his business
heree What is he seeking2 Again l
demand, gentlemen of the jury. why is
he here?"
These questions were thought by the
countryman to be addressed to him,
but Mason thought the Indignation
written on the features of the country
man was the result of the argument
and therefore highly promising for his
client. He paused to note the effect Of
his words on the jury, when the rustic
jumped up and howled:
You want to know what am here
for YOU cross-eyed fool? What am ]
looking for in this here court? Well,
I'll tell you. you little fat son of guni
For three days have been here wait.
ing for my fees and nary red cent
have ] got yet. What am here for.
you good-for-nothing animalp Pay me
my witness fees, sir. and I'll get out Of
here at once"
The unexpected outburst brought
down" the house; judge. jury, and law.
yers included. AS for Mason, he was
so amazed that the able argument
which he had prepared was never con.
cluded.-N. Y Tribune.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
A Nice Little Boy.

II 6-year-old boy who rode up Fifth
avenue in stage yesterday does not
turn out TO be a genius it will not be
the fault Of his father, says the N. Y.
Evening Sun. The latter looked like a
prosperous banker and was reading his
paper. The boy, who knelt beside
him, was nicely dressed and kept up a
running fire Of questions from Fifty
first street to Madison square. But
the father was 80 interested in the
newspaper that he did not listen to
these questions, and answered them
merely to keep his son from boring
other people. The stage was we'll
filled when they entered, and as the
youngster climbed upon the seat he
said:
Say, papa, what makes that lady's
cheeks so red?"
Yes, my son."
docs she use paintp"
II guess So"
'Just like that of sisters that made
me sick when ate it?n
yes"
'Is that gentleman a sneak-thiei?"
Shouldn't wonder"
Were you ever burglar?"
Yep
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
A Home in a Canoe.

have been leading strange but far
from disagreeable life. I have been
exploring and surveying large dis
trict between Old Calabar and the Cam
eron. To do the water part of the
journey hired at Old Calabar large
native canoe with house in it, an ar
rangement family resembling the house
boat on the Thames.
At one end of it is large box Of
sand. On this my cooking fire is made.
A fire. in fact, is kept burning day
and night, so that with few min
utes' notice l can have cup of tea or
cocoa.
In the house, which has two small
windows and two sliding doors and
tn atched roof, there is just room for
my bed, dressing bag table, chair, and
canteen. The canteen is wicker-work
boy, with knives, forks. plates, etc.
There are also shelves and hooks in
the house, by which lot of things are
slowed away in a surprisingly small
space.
Outside the house. in the forward
part of the canoe, is a clear space with
level floor and small seats around,
sheltered by an extension of the thatch-
ed roof. Here, in daytime, put my
table and sit, either eating my meals
or making my survey, as the canoe
glides along, propelled by eighteen
paddlers. This is really most pleasant,
writes H. H. tombstone, the celebrated
explorer, from Cape Colony. The
motion of the canoe is SO smooth that
l can write or draw mistaken, and when
my table is laid with white cloth, nap
kin and bright silver, it at once pro-
vokes an appetite
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
What Women Like i'm Men.

Women. / think, like manly. not
lady-like men.
They like honesty of purpose and
consideration.
They like men who believe in wo-
men.
They like their opinions to be thought
of some value.
They like man who can be strong
rs lion when troubles comes, and
yet. If one is nervous and tired, can
button up n shoe and do 1t with an
amount of consideration that Is mem
tai and physical bracer-up.
They like man who can take hold
of the baby. convince it of his power
and get it to sleep after they have been
worrying with it, and walking with it.
until their eyes are tired and they feel
as if they had no brains.
They like man who is interested In
their new dresses, who can give an
opinion on the tit, and who is properly
indignant at any article written against
women.
They like a man who knows their
innocent weaknesses and caters to
them; who will bring home box of
candy, the last new magazine, or the
latest puzzle sold on the street, that
will do more than its duty in enter
tanning everybody for the whole even
ing.
They like man who is the master
of the situation-that is, who has brain
enough to help a woman to decide
what is the best thing to do under the
circumstances, and who has wit enough
to realize, when one of the fairer sex
is slightly stubborn, that persuasion is
more powerful than all the arguments
in the world.
They like man who likes them
who doesn't scorn their opinions, who
believes in good taste. who has conf
dence in their truth, and who, best Of
all, knows that the love promised, is
given him.
That's the sort of a man woman likes,
and her every sigh of satisfaction, as
his virtues are mentioned, is little
prayer that says: God bless him.
Ladies Home Journal.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
main Rur.er Button.
q mind on rercrts % the scenes Or my child.

Ny mind oft revcrts 10 the scenes OF my child
In vivid remen,brance-so painfully true
To that tempo OF leaning that stood neal
ito Wildwood
where the wide spreading bccchcs hall
screened It from view.
Iremember distinctly scene there enacted,
Thougl, my guilt was apparent TO hide 1t ]
But the oil durate mast or a confession exacted
When that plain rubber button placed on
Tat meek looking button.
That fateful black button.
That plain rubber button l placed on the
stove.
Twas day in December, and the wind fierce.
whir cd its white binding snow sheets for
nv bodingly near: .,,o.. IT., -
And peace-bearlng tranquilncss quelled
Now the time was full golden, and with no
slipped to accomplish the scheme had
But the wide-awake master OWNED my inten-
As that plain rubber button placed on the
That eyeless coat button,
That somber-hued button.
That plain rubber button placed on the
Like parentless waif !. was led to the master.
Where a well-seasoned beech held the bal
And the way was punished pain and dis
is supremely distasteful to mo to this hour
] felt that a ! art Of my clothes were discarded.
As the pain-laden rod he persistently drove,
guarded
Tho plain rubber button I'd placed on tho
stove.
That pain-bearing button,
That lOud-sCented button.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
Knecling at the Threshold.

I'm kneelins at the threshold. weary, farmland
sore,
Waiting for the dawning. for the opening of
the door
Waiting till the master shall bid mo rise and
come
To this glory of his presence. to the gladness Of
Ills home.
weary path I've travelled, mid darkness.
storm, and strife,
Bearing many burden struggling for my llfei
But now the morn is breaking-my toll Will
soon be DER;
I'm kneeing ut the threshold-my hand Is on
the door.
Methinks hear the voices of the blessed az
Singing In the sunshine of the far-or, sinless
land.
Oh, would that were with them, amid the
shining throng,
Minglng in their worship, Joining In their
song.
The friends that started with me have entered
One by one they left me struggling with the
foe;
Their pilgrimage was shorter, with triumph
sooner won:
How lovingly tray hall me when all my toll
Is donel
With them the blessed angels. that know no
grief or sin.
see Them by the portals, prepared to let me
In.
Lord. I walt thy plcasuro-thy time and way
But I'm wasted: worn, and weary; o father.
w. L. Alexander IN Christian at Work.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31

exact proportions, but so reduced In
size that the whole head is not larger
than good sized orange.
Attached to the top OF the head, and
run through the upper lip, are long
strands of bright-colored hemp, used
in carrying the head at the waist as 0
trophy. after the fashion Of the North
American Indians. Black silken hair,
about eighteen inches long. hangs down
on either side, and the chin Is adorned
with black imperial. Even the eye.
brows aud the short hairs within the
nostrils are preserved.
The curiosity is valued ut 5000. and
will be presented to the Boston Museum
of Fine Arts.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
YANKEE SPIRIT.
An English Mothers Admission ~ TO Her
American horn Son.

Now and then one hears more or less
discussion as to what constitutes ''the
Yankee spirit" say the Youths Com
pdnion but. like many other common
phrases, this one seems to elude the eff
forts of the defner and to be always in
the air. The one thing always agreed
upon is that to be a real Yankee one
must be good at a bargain, and IL this Is
not very definite 1t is at least some
thing.
There is small boy in the nighbor-
hood Of Boston whose mother Is En-
glish, while his father is New En-
glander. The parents have often laugh
ingly debated whether the lad was or
was not genuine Yankee, but it was
only the day after last Christmas that
they were able to agree In the matter.
That day the boy was for some time
missing, and the whole family became
much alarmed about him. The serv.
ants were sent to the neighbors, tho
house was thoroughly searched, the
well looked into. and as last resort
the policemen of the village were
called upon to aid in discovering the
truant.
When matters had gone as far as
this the boy himself was seen coming
across the lawn in a draggled and evil
IDENTIFY exhausted condition, but waiv-
ing his hand with an air OF triumph.
II got 80 cents, mammal" he shouted,
rs his anxious mother came Fastening
out to meet him.
Thirty cents!" she repeated in as
tonishment. ''lIow did you get 80
centspn
why. with my organ, of course"
he answered, and he showed her
strapped upon his back, toy organ
which had been among his Christmas
gifts. 1--WE been playing way down
to the other end of the town"
The English mother looked at the
eager little fellow, divided between
desire to laugh at the droll situation.
the feeling that she should reprove the
runaway. and the relief she felt at see
ing the little fellow safe.
George" she said, turning to her
husband, who had come up in time to
hear his sons words. you are right.
He is a born Yankee"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
The Child OF a Modern "Rocker. ("

Que of the great wants of the age is
the right kind of cradle and the right
kind Of foot to rock it with. We are
opposed to the usurpation of patented
self-rockers. When / hear small
boy calling his grandfather "old
daddy" and see the youngster try 10
slap his mother across the face because
she will not let him have ice-cream and
emonade in the same stomach. and
holding his breath till he gets black in
The face, so that to save the child from
Its, the mother is compelled TO give
him another dumpling. and he after
forwards goes out into the world stub
born, willful. selfish and intractible. !
say that boy was brought up in a
patented self-rocker." The old-time
mother would have put him down in
the old-fashioned cradle, and sung to
him
Hush. my dear, lie still and slumbcr,
Holy angels guard thy beds"
and il that did not take the spunk out
Of him she would have laid him in an
inverted position across her lap. with
his face downward. and with rousina
spank make him more susceptible to
the music.-T De VIZ 1dlmage, in
Ladies' Home Journal,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
TO Keep Peace In the Family.

A LADY living in fashionable neighborhood
In the northern part Of the city secured . new
cook the other day, says the Detroit Free,
Press, but the girl had not been In the house
an hour when she asked for an interview, and
said:
MADAM, think 1t is best for me to with
draw and let you fill my place.
"Whyl IL anything wrongi"
"Yes-your husband.n
"But what of himp
"Itwould be very embarrassing for me to
continue to meet him."
Explain yourselfp'
ave were once engaged to be married. I
found that he was unworthy Of me, and SO /
gave him the skip
'sYou-you did, Now you get your bundle
and gor' exclaimed the Indignant lady.
II simply withdraw, madam-withdraw for
the sake OF peace and harmony. hope your
husband is better man than when gave
him the walk. Au revolr.n
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
Girls aud Pets TO Match.

A tall. 1.-THE. graceful girl walking
down Connecticut avenue at lively,
but still graceful gait, with swing OF
foot that spoke most eloqucntly of line.
ly developed hexors and extensors, fol-
lowed by thin Italian greyhound.
prompted the Camera to q soliloqual
reflection on the fact that one never
sees a fat girl with greyhound. Slen.
der girls galore walk with the thinly
built animals, but stout girls associate
only with pugs and poodles or the
hairy little terriers. Perhaps 1t Is for
aesthetic reasons or TO prevent zach re.
marks us "a streak of fat and streak
OF Lean Washington Critic.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
A New Fish.

The fly fishermen Of the United
States have new pleasure before
them. A fish not hitherto known in
America is to be introduced this year,
and there is every reason to belive that
it will thrive and multiply wonderful-
". The fish is the European sea
trout. salmo trutta, fish well known
and abundant in England. While the
sea trout is salt water fish. it inhab-
its land-locked fresh water and thrives
there. Eggs will soon be put into
Maine streams flowing into the ocean.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
Hn for Rnsfnn

The Chicago, St. Paul u Kansas City Rail.
way diagonal Route) will run special train
of Pullman Vestibuled Sleepers and Dining
Cars from Des Moiues to Boston for the G.. A.
R. and their friends. Leaving Des Moines at
8 p: m, Aug. 9th, stopping at Niagara Fall;
and going via. the Thousand Islands, and re-
turning via. the Hoosac Tunnel line. Stops
will be made en- route at principal points Of
interest Reserve your berths early for this
occasion and write to US for full particulars, as
very low round trip rate will be made. j.
Fl. Green, General Agent, KirKwood House,
Des Moines, Iowa.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
Unique Adyerti.ement.

A Connecticut Granger, under the
Farm for Sale" head. makes the fol.
lowing lively announcement In Water
bury exchange: II would like $50. 900
for my farm at Oakville. but will take
one-half that sum II / can get II. will
sell II for song. but don't try and sing
too near the premises, as there Is cross.
eyed dog on the place who Is no judge
Of music. Go and look for the dog and
you will see the farm. even II You don't
ind the dog. bought IL (the place. mol
the dog) for my wife's relations; II was
q mistake; / should have bought only
the dog. was told when i purchased
the farm that could sell In Waterbury
all that was raised on the premises.
Now, IL could only sell In our blessed
city but one half the mischief that has
been raised there since bought 1t all
the good Republicans In this town would
be leaving Waterbury before night II
you don't want the farm will lend you
the dog should you need him"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
AGruesome CuriositY.

OF all the hideous, uncanny objects.
says the Boston Globe, the one
that hangs in the window of the Hall
Rubber Company is the uncanniest and
most hideous. II is the preserved head
Of South American Indian.
The head is five centuries old and be-
longed to an Indian chief named
Huam brsa who was killed during the
war with the Augaruna Indiaas on the
River Santiago. The head was cut
from the body by its Brazilian captors,
and, with consummate art. all the bopy
matter was removed from the interior.
leaving nothing but the flesh and skin.
Then, by some long lost process, 1t wa,
ombalmed; SO perfect is the work that
al the features are preserved In their
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
A Life Long Practice.

Young Mr.. Softly (the conversation had been
upon the subject of insomnia)-"lt is easy
enough to go to sleep II you set about 1t right.
i have, avian infaillible recipe for it."
Miss Slygirl-"What is that, Mr.. Softyp
Mr.. softy-''When / want--aw--to WOO
Natures sweet restorer, I-aw-banish every
thing like an ideah from my mind, doncher
seeio
Miss slygirl-"You'v been practicing IT all
your life, hayn't your
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
Comprcssing Coal.

An English inventor claims to have
asystem by which coal gas can be COM
pressed into per cent of its natural
bulk. and in that shape carried about
aud turned into an illuminant a; any
time by simply turning a stop-eock and
lighting the evaporation.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
References REQUIRED

Mr.. Hightone-'My dear you must send
that new girl away at once. She is not ft to
have around.n
Mrs. Hightone-T will just as quick as
can write her a reference"
"Referencei DO you mean to say you In
tend to give creature like that a referencel"
"0f course. How can helpiti II / don't
she'll tell everybody about the condition you
came home in the other night, and the-the
way talked to yon.n
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
Saving the Heather

Stranger lin Brooklyn)-"Where are all
those gentlemen goingP'
Resident-"They are going to bid farewell
very successful in teaching the heather the
gospel of love and peace"
" see. And where is this gang Of boys 60
ingp'
"They are going to stone Chinese funer.
al
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
During a Motherly can

Mrs. Beebody-"You look pensiye my dear. -
Her Recently Married Daughter-tf've had
an awful tiff with Tom"
Mrs. Beebody- Didn't caution you to
avoid the first unkind wordr'
Her Daughter-.I tried to, but he declares
that broke the rule when / said yes TO his
proposal six months ago."
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31

Little but active-are DR..
Pierce's Pleasant Pellets.
Best Liver Pills made; gen.
tie, yet thorough. They regu-
late and invigorate the liver,
stomach and bowels.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31

Are you suffering from Liver or Kidney
troubles, and do you want an absolute, posi-
tive curef California Kidney Tea has been
case. II will not fail to give you permanent
cure for any Liver or Kidney trouble. Large
packages are sold for 50 cts Ask your drug
gist for 1t. Sent postpaid on receipt of price
by CALIFORNIA KIDNEY TEA Co., Fairfield,
Iowa
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31
Ita E.oeIlent onaliti..

Commend to public approval the California
liquid fruit remedy Syrup Of Figs. 1t is
pleasing to the eye, and to tbs taste, and by
gently acting on the kidneys, liver and
bowels, IT cleanses the system effectually,
thereby promoting the health and comfort OF
all who use 1t.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31

Love win come in loves own time,n war
bles poet Love reminds us so much Of a
hotel waiter.
LAZY .(searching for burglars)-Here, Bridg-
ct, you let down the folding bed and then I'll
look under IT,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1890-07-31

1t is hard to provide against the ravages
OF time. The dome OF ST Peters at Rome
has been cracking for some time and the
assure is becoming aiarmingly wide.
The Atlantic processes TO discover q
growing reverence for the Constitution In
this country, though the way in which
soma men abuse theirs doesn't show it
The government at Washington has got
to be large concern. II employs go CON-
positors ind ninety pressmen. Printing
the census will be big and almost end
less job.
There is colored man in Galveston who
Is worth over sJ5J,000 lie has fine house
In The most desirable residential portion Of
the city and his wife employs none but
white serv .ntS
Cincinnati has begun to crusade against
the sale OF Louisiana lottery tickets in
that state II thinks the Gulf state has u o
right to carry away from the state SO many
buckeye dollars.