Morning journal and courier., 1890-12-31
teueNc tue WuctL anu Cuh Won't we have Q jolly time
 When VIC get home again I
DEFENDING.

Ninth street officer (to prisoner who pro tested that he was sober as judge when atefaS--That. d-yera-zs-sp-st the iudsss- You were tumblin' drunk, and I'll swear to ."-Philadelphia Record.
 Fred-I didn't mind Taylor's discharging me so much as did the insult he subse- quently offered me. Frank-What was thata Fred-He advertised for a boy to fill my place.-Yankee Blade.
 "Yer look bad, Jim. Been under the weatherp "Sorter. To-day's the first time I've been out-er-doors in three months" "What was the matter with yeri" "Nothin', but the judge wouldn't believe t."-Life.
 A True Philosopher: Mamma-M you eat any more of that pudding, Tommy, you'll see the Bogieman tonight. Tommy (after a moments thought)- well settle my mind about that story right | away.-Puck.
 "That's a handsome mantel. What is that sentiment carved there?"
 "Eat, Drink and be Merry" sAhl curious combination "How soF'
 .'Oak mantel, chestnut sentiment" "- New York Sun.
 Distracted woman (at the police station) Oh, sir, have lost my poor old father! This morning he wandered away and fear for his safety, as he is totally deaf Police sergeant-In that case, madam, we will soon find him. He is walking on the railway track.-Puck.
 | ssAnd how is the pursuit of the thief | who robbed my house getting alongF | asked an anxious-faced gentleman of the detective in charge of headquarters 'IDon't worry, sir," exclaimed the detec | tive gleefully; twelve got there at last You'll see your man in few days.
 "Good! You've got him, thenl" 'No not exactly, but we've got a theory."- Chicago Times.
 They tell wicked story of scion of {
 distinguished Massachusetts family who's
 members are noted for their frigid temper
 ament. The gentleman was en route t
 Europe on a crack Atlantic fiier that jus
 grazed an iceberg, narrowly escaping dis
 astrous collision. He was asleep in hi
 berth at the time, but when awakened b
 the shock said with great deliberation
 "You need not knock again, father; com
 in. n."-Boston Traveller.
 Merchant-Certainly, sir, said woul
 guarantee that fountain pen. What's th matter with ita Doesn't it worka Return
 ed customer-Yes, it works, but
 Descent the ink flow freelyl Yes, I SUI } pose it flows freely enough, but I-I find , can't make any better time with it than
 can with a common pen. Then the faul
 is with you sir. We only guarantee th pen. We can't guarantee flow of idea l, with it. Please close the door as you g
 out.-Chicago Tribune.
 A Buffalo gentleman was travelling France. During his sojourn in Paris I { was taken to one of the clubs. There , was introduced to several Frenchmel i With one of them he had a somewhi laughable conversation. "You come fro : Boofalo, n'est-ce-pasf' asked the Frencl f man. "Yes; Buffalo is my native, place "Zen, you know ze great Boofalo Bill-is D notl" The Buffalonian reflected before al
 swering the question. Not speaking Frene very we'll, and the Frenchman understan' 5 ing English but imperfectly, he decide t the easiest way to answer was, "Yes, @ know Buffalo Bill very well. He belonl
 to one of our first families.n sVell, ma be you know zat ozzer Bill-zat McKinlt Bill. Who is heg'-Buffalo Express.