Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-12-14
"BAcKWOODS' BELLIES. !"
ANOTHER LAKEPoRT LADY ENTERS
THE LITERARY ARENA.
She Is Anxious to Make the Acquaintance
of &c. c."-Native Daughters in
Sheets and Pillow Cases.

Dear Miss &. e.: l read your letter in
the Sacramento UNION with unutterable
and indescribable Joy and delight. told
ma the other day tina. was just on the eve
of conclusion that you had either silently
passed from existence to the realms of the
better world, or that you had retired from
public life, had presented your pen to a
more intellectual and imaginative writer, or
had carefully laid it away in one corner OF
your bureau-drawer.
Pa tskss the Sacramento UNION, and
when he brings it home at night savagely
seize it, trip gaily away to my room. light
my candle, seat myself in split.bottom
chair, preparatory to search for the Backs
woods Bellies" but, alas in vain, for the
last three months it has been in vain do
search. Completely overcome with disap.
pointment, l equip myself for retirement,
and, sucking my lemon juice sadly, cuddle
down IN my virtuous couch, and when at
last have sweetly passed away into Stun.
berland. only to dream some horrible
dream of you. One night dreamed that
you had died and attended the funeral, and
how very sad it was for every body there
seemed to realize Lake county had lost its
most truthful and brilliant writer. But
when l awoke, raised myself up in bed,
rubbed my sleepy eyes, smiled and said,
Twas only dream, only dream"
And when l sgain heard from you fell on
my Bonded knees, and. with up;urned eyes,
thanked the good Lord that you still exist,
and Ii is my solemn and continued prayer
that you will ou:live all tie back woods
bellies.
told ma some time ago that 1 should
like to get acquainted with you and she
said could write a letter of introduction
of myself. Then she went on to say that
she and whole lot of immigrants started
from Southern Iowa in the year of go"
in wagons, to come to the Golden West,
and when they were crossing the plains
there was handsome young fellow who
was driving cattle and camped near them
every night. One day she asked him what
part he was from. and he said he was born
ing and soon got acquainted. And when
they were settled in California she got mar.
lied to that handsome young fellow and
be is pa snd she is ma. And in 1870 ma
presented pa with a bouncing baby girl,
and that Is me. And when she got through
telling me all about it she said it would be
a good way for me to get acquainted with
you, just commence writing.
Do you know what the poor defeated
Superior Judge done when he went to the
ratification dance at Upper Lake, You
know he made terrible mistake and run
the risk of getting talked about. Don't
say anything about it, but you know he
braced right into the dressing room where
to go into the dressing room when 60 to
a 7 ,,,iOht tall cd ahnnt nd
a ladies' dressing.room amt any place for
a man, anyhow. Ma says for me to walk
gracefully into the dressing-room, dispose
of my wraps, gracefully arrange my golden
hair, then gracefully walk out and sit
down in the nearest seat, aud let my part
ner gracefully do the same.
The n. S. G. w. gave grand ball here
on last Friday night 1t was the most
swell affair that has ever occurred here.
Were you there? That was an eventful
night that will ever remain fresh in the
memory of the butcher, the baker and the
candlestick-maker. The plsza p, Ollie. the
defeated Superior Judge and the swell
editor were there, too. Are you Native
Daughter? Ma says she is so thankful to
the good Lord that she got married and
came to California and l was born, for it is
such an honor TO be q fair native. If you
were not there l will condescend to give
you a thorough and complete account of
this brilliant affair.
Well, the back woods bellies all got to-
gether and made it up that they would sur.
prise the Native Sons. So they met on
said Friday night in one of the shingle
shanties, q prominent business house on
Main street The shanty has only got one
window-which is made of wood-a kind
of dooi- window that you can slide back.
Tf hor nod To ha Oran ot nah
to take observations. Well, | wish you
had been there just to see what those bellies
were doing. They all had sheets ana they
pinned them around their necks. and they
put a string around their dainty little
waists and put something that looked like
a rag With two holes in il over their faces,
and all at once made for the door. You
ought to have seen those bellies. about
fifteen of them, crowding and pushing and
jumping and kicking to get out where
people could see them. Well, it reminded
me strongly of band of sheep or swine,
or some wild animals, or somethiDg-I
don't know just what. But ma SAYS l
must never change the subject when l am
telling anything. They at last got out into
the street, up to their knees in dust. You
know our stately and aristoeratic Superior
Judge saws: Wait till we have railroad,
then the people will take up collection
and make a sidewalk and We will have
water works, too"
They thought people were looking at
them as they strutted up the street, all
spraddled. out white things. Slowly, gently,
gracefully and dignifed they marched on
and on till they reached the redwood hall
where the Native Sons hold their meetings.
The dear, handsome sons of Lakeport have
all been born, bred and raised in Lake
county, and they had never before wit
messed such a sight. Their first thought
was: "Some more Middletown despera-
does" So they. poor things, crazed with
fright and excitement made for the door,
crying at every jump, 'Murderl Murderi
Robbers Murderw
The night-watch came up, peeped tim
idly in and discovered that it was only the
backwoods bellies in disguise. They had
realized their great misfortune and had
torn Oft their CHASTITY robes and safely piled
them in one corner.
and trembling, and they got fiddle and
one of the dudes called out Everybody
dance" Well, they all made a break for
| the middle of the floor, and Little Jerusa-
lem" yelled ont something that sounded
like "Honors ALL" and "AlI forward and
back and they all acted just like ma does
when she is trying to drive the geese out of
the garden.
They had an organ, too. Ma says is there
is anything she likes it is to hear me play
and sing. Pa is going to try and get me
elected organist of the choir, SO guess I'll
run next election. Well, was struck on
the organist Friday night. He was hand
some blonde and resent les Bill Nye in APP
pearancs. The only difference between the
two intelligent gentlemen is, one has yell
low moss on his upper lip and the other
has no moss at all.
While pa ma and me were having sup
per, one of the bellies came pushing in and
told ma she would like to borrow a sheet
and pillow-case, and she would like to
have one with lace on it. Ma said she had
only one pair trimmed with lace and she
was afraid it might get torn. Me sold six
dozen eggs to ScuGsmor's store and got
enough unbleached muslin to make some
sheets and pillow-slips, so she Jet her have
a pair of them.
/ cannot refrain from extending my
hearty generalization to you on your taste
in choosing such handsome and intelli-
gent gentleman as Dear Jack as CON-
panion through life. Jack is inclined to De
bow-legged and pa says the boys call him
crooked thighs but Jack is good fellow
and has no bad habits and maybe him and
you can manage to get along. You must
tell me all about the wedding.
hope you will accept my introduction