New-York tribune., 1890-06-01
PRIVATE SIMMONS.
BY RrpYNRp KlrLlNG'

pe,pic ,vbo have seen state that ore 81 ''e
nuainirst spcctaclcs OF human irilN Is 3D." '''
hrcak Of hNsfer!rs iu % girls school " S"''N
,,,fhout v,rninq. generally ou hot afternoon
among tie elder pupils. \ grl elss"> VI" '''
glggle Get, beyond control Ihcn She 'nI'"s uP
nor head and cries " llonk. horN. h"hN' ""'
4, wild goose and tears mN with the "n-h'e'
II the mistress he wise she VIII sly N""'''llA
severe n, This point 20 check mat'ete u Sh' ''
,e,der hearted and send for drink oi water th'
,bance. are largely in favor Of another girl laugh
NJ A. the all cited one and herself c"ll'psinc
Thus tho trouble spreads and may end iu hail
. what answers 70 the Lower sixth Of "a bows
,cbool rocking and whoopua together Givcn
,,eck of warm weather two stately promcnades
p.r diem q heavy mutton and rice meal In the
middle of the day. n certain amount Of naggins
from the teachers and few other things. some
really amazing effects can Dec secured. At least,
this is what folk say who have had experience.
Now the Mother superior of Convent and
the Colonel of u British Infantry Regiment would
he Justly shocked AZ any comparison being made
between their respective charges. But II is
fact that. under certain circumstances. Thomas in
bulk csn be worked mp into ditthernG rpphug
1vstrria. He docs not weep. hut he shows hS
trouble unmistakahly and tho consequences got
into The newspapers. and all Tie good and virtnonS
people who hardly know a Martini from Snidcr
say: Take away fhc hrute's ammunition
Thomas isn't brute and his business. which
il 20 look after the virtuous people. demands that
no shall have his ammunition g. has hand Tie
DOESN'T wear silk stockings and hc really ought
10 be supplied with "a new Adjective 90 help ham
90 express his opinions but for lil TINT. ne Is ID
great man II YOU call him the heroic defender
n tbc national honor" one day. and "a brutal
and hcentoGs soliicN The ueNt. Won naturally
leVildcr him. and he looks upou you with Sis
piciou. There il nobody - speak for Thomas
except people who have theories - work or on
him. and nbody understand, Thomas except
Thomas. and hc does not know what is the mat
ter with himself
That is thc prologue This is The story
Corporal >snc was engaged - hc married o.
Miss Jhansi Mckcuna. whose history 9, wei
known iu the re-lmcnt and elsewhere He had
secured his Cooncls leave. and. beIn. popular
with the mon. eycu arrangement hlJ b'rn mode
o. give the wcodin- what Private Oitucris called
"eckar' II fell u the heart OF tlc bot weather.
and after The wedding Nauc was going up - t.r
Hills with the bride None the less Sltur's
grievance Wa that Tho Attain would hc only
hired carriage welding and hc fci fhat tie
ecklor" of that was mca-rc. Miss " kcuna a.1
NOT care 80 much. Tie Nrrgcauf.s WIFE was help.
iug her 20 make her weddlng-drc,s. ami shc Was
very busy. Shane WIS., just then. the ou.1 mod
'r'cly contcnted mon boz barracks. Al the rest
serc more or less miserable
And they had mlcn 10 make them happy.
.oo' All their work was over ~ iu the morn
iug and for tho rest Of ;hc DAY they could De- ON
their backs and smoke Cantccu plug and swear ~
tie punkah-cooes They enjoyed fnc. fun
e hesh meal in the middle of the day and then
.cl
and slept Till " was cool enough - go out with
their towny," whose vocabulary contained less
than siN hundred words. and tie Adjective. aud
whose views on every conceivable quest ion they
bad heard many months before
There was Tie Cantcen. ~ coursc ana there was
the Temperance Room. with The second hand
papers no II hui man of any profession cannot
read for EIGHT hours day iu q temperature of
96 or o. degrees m the shade running up some
times 20 0J q. lrces ~ midnight Ncr, ics men
even though they get pannIkin a. A.t stale
muddy beer and hide IL under their cots. can con
time drinking for siN hours a day. one man
tired. hnt tc died. and nearly the whole regiment
went go his funeral. because % gave them some
thing 10 do. II too early for tie modified
excitement of fever or cholera. The mcu could
oniy wait and wait and wait, and watch ,he
shadow of The barrac< creeping across rhe binding
white dust That was q gay life,
They loungcd about oantonmerts-it was 700
hot for any sort Of game and almost 600 lot Tor
vicc-and fuddici themselves in the cyer.n-. aud
filled themselves - disicntion with the health,
utroaenous food provided for them, and the more
they stocked. the less exercise they took and the
more explosive they grew. Then tie tcmPcrs hc-
gan - wear away. and men fell a-brooding over
Insult, real or imaginary They had nothing else
a. think Of The tone of the rcpaftces CHANGED,
and instead Of saying l-ht-heartedly " I'll KNOCK
Your silly face IN" men grew laboroIsly pohie
ard hintrd that the ctnfonmcuts Wcrr not big
enough for themselves aud their enemy. and that
there would p, more space for one of the Two in
a Place Which n Is NOT polite 10 mention
II may have been tnc devil who arranged the
thing but the fact Of the case is that Losson bad
for a long time been worrying Simmons m au
aimlcss way. " gave him occupation. Tie two
men had their cots side by side. and would some
times spend long afternoon swearing at each
other, hut Simmons was afraid Of Losson and
dared not challenge him 10 "a fight. He thought
over the words In the hot. still nights. and half
the hate he felt toward Losson he vented On the
wretched punkah-coole.
Loseon bought a parrot in The bazaar, and put
II into a little cage, and lowered the cage into the
cool dnr kness of the we'll and sat ON the well curb
shouting bad language down 10 the parrot l!c
taught II - say SIMMONS, Ne s0-ooT. which
means swine and several other thlIgs entirely
unfit Tor publication. He WAS "A big, gross man,
and he shook like Ielly when the parrot caught
the sentence correctly simmons. however, shook
with rage, Tor all the room was laughing at hun
The parrot was such disTcpuiablc pun Of green
feathers and looked 50 human when IT chatiercd.
Losson used 20 sit. swinging his fat legs, on the
SIDE Of tie cot and ask the parrot what It thought
oi Simmons. The parrot would answer. sim
mons. ye so-oor.' Good Doy. Losson used -
fay. scratching tie parrots head We ear that,
sim" And Simmons used ~ turn over on his
itomach and make answer. q" ear Take 'ccd
rou don't ear something one Of these days
IN the restless nights after hc had been asleep
al t,,. Cts of blind r.c ,,,, n,,, simmons a nd