Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-09-10
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

She raised her head,
The vest was red
Her cheek-no matter.
Smith Gray d: Co.'S Monthly.
AN old maid asks: eff whatever is is
right, how does it happen that mi eft?"
-Binghdmptoo Leader.
DEATH never has holiday here. He
occasionally takes Dey off in Algiers.
philadelphia Times.
IT is said that Stanley never alludes to
Emin as Emin Pasha, but as "Emin,
Pshaw PiHsbtrg Dispatch.
MADDOX faith cure has reached
Chicago" Gazzam-"Have they tried
it on their hams yet Pr Vest Shore.
CHEEKY-''I see you are wearing your
hair long" Stony-''I hope to ear it
as long as l live - Boston Herald.
TELLING hair-raising story to bald
man is deplorable instance of mis-
directed energy.-S. Joseph Nears.
NEVER make love in corn-tield Re-
member that corn has ears and is easily
shocked. "-Kuaderhook Rough Notes
oil hang my clothes on a hickory
limb" said the man with wooden leg,
as he put on his trousers Washington
Post
A DETROIT firm is importing lager beer
made in Glasgow The next news will
be that Bismarck is living on haggis.-
Detroit Free Press
"WHY doyou wear a monocle ?"
"PwOmised M wife I'd nevah take
more than one glawss at time. "-NeeU
York Herald.
Poor EFFIE (who has been stung1-
First it walked about all over my
hand and it was so nice; but oh when
it sat down p'-Pupch.
YESTERDAYS proceedings in the House
should be recorded under the head of
Scraps of Congressional History -
-PiHsburg Chronicle.
THERE is a man in Atchison we dislike
50 much that when he dies we intend
to spell his name wrong in mentioning
the funeral. -Atchison Globe
DoCToR-'Have you taken any rem
edy for this trouble ?" Patient-"No,
Doctor, I have not; but I have taken a
power of medicine. Brooklyn Life.
MIsTREss-"Didn't | say that |
wouldn't have soldiers in my kitchen?'
New Cook-"If you please IN, dind't
know as marine was a soldier. Pick
Ne Up.
HoUsEKEEPER-"Have you any red
raspberries? 20
New Clerk-'N-o, mum, but we have
some rather red blackberries. Good
NelUs.
"BUT, John, why do you make such a
stupid face ~ Excuse me, sir. | did
not know you were in the room. [
will make another one Immediately -
F2iege1ade Blatter.
POET, who is reading his verses to
friend-"Ah! my words seem to touch
you. You are shedding tears 'No,
only wiping off the Precipitation. File
ge,ade BEatter.
''THAT was bad scare Mrs. Darlington
had the other day. &c? ?'' She
went to a pantomime, and thought she
haG suddenly lost her hearing ''-NeaU
York San.
SPEAKING of telegraphers' errors, the
word .pusillanimous' came over the
wires the other day ''pure and unani-
NOUS" This is funny, but it is also a
PiHsburg Chronicle.
VOICE from inside the safe)-'sDon't
use powder, boys, ] might get hurt. y
Gloozey, the Nipper-'IWho are you ?"
Voice-"The assistant cashier The
door snapped to on me about ten min
utes ago. "-PucE.
GONE down out of that apple tree
What are you up there for, anyway ?"
II only got up because when | was
underneath the apples kept falling on
my head. u liecerade Blatter
A., TO his room mate-F'Do you think
that l am thief that you put your
pocketbook under your pillow"
80, no; but / like my head little
higher. Fleigende Bbutter.
HIS Busy DAY.-Constant Reader
"What did the editor say when you gave
him my card, sonney?" Office boy
Cant tell, sir; we amt allowed to
swear. "-New Hampshire Republican.
KAISER There is but one
man who can run this empire proper
w." Caprivi-"Sire, you fatter me-
K. Won, | don't mean you I
mean the average American editor"
Boston Transcript.
MAMMA-"Why, Susie, you've offered
your candy to everybody but little
brother. Why didn't you hand it to
him ?" Susie with innocent candor)-
ways takes it. "-Horper's Bazaar.
LAWYER BLACK-"Yo' honah, I rise to
obieck to de legal bubbles dat der pros
ercution am bringin'np." Judge Cole
"Mistah Black, yo' sit right down. Eff
and de cou't allows 'em "-Harper's Ba-
gar.
"NOw," said the maternal oyster,
''you cuddle down and keep out of the
way when these dredgers 90 to work
There's dreadful penalty awaiting you
if YOU don't" "What is it?V SOLITARY
confinement in a Stew Washington
Post.
A MEAN WAsTE.-Mr. Jones-'I'll tell
you what YOU ought to do if YOU suffer
from sea-sickness; drink half bottle of