davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
ATrick of Gamblers.

A trick once attempted to beplay-
ed here-not in the citizens Poker
club. however-wus neatly deteated.
1t was the old trick of sticking two
cards together, giving a player to be
fleeced the winning hand containing
the double card. On the SHOW
down" the next highest hand claims
the stakes on the ground of a mis-
deal to the winner. The big hand in
this deal was given to a Denverman.
The betting was long and heavy, and
the stakes ran up into the thou.
sands. The Denver man discovered
the thin card gently stuck to one of
his aces, crumpled it in his. hand,
called for q glass of beer, slipped the
card into his mouth and swallowed
it with n gulp of lager. He never
WINGED rs the card scraped his throat,
nor balled an eye as he reached over
the table and pulled in an nrmful of
chips. Nobody made any kick about
the trick, eitler.-Hot Springs Cor.
Chicago News.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Valuable Points BY a Plumber.

"Ifyou want point or two about clean.
ing waste pipes without sending for n
plumber" said retired member OF the fra.
scrmity to New York Telegram reporter.
who was complaining OF the trials of house
ownership, '.just listen to me. III were
still in the business would not give away
what am going to tell now. but as am
out Off do not see why may not help
friend. One of the most frequent and tfy.
ing annoyanccs," he continued, lis the OBJ.
struction to the free. quick outlet Of the
waste water of the wash BASIN the bath tub
and kitchen sink. This is caused BY u
gradual accumulation of small bits of re-
fuse material, paper, rags, meat. bones or
grease, which check and finally entirely
stop The outflow of the waste, and then the
puihbbcr is called to remove the stoppage
with his force pump. Sometimes this is &C
complished. but often the pipe has to be-
cut, and there Is great Inconvenience and
expense. Just before retiring at night pour
into the cloggcl pipe enough liquid soda
lye to fill the trap. as it is called. or the
the bent part of pipe just below the outlet.
BE sure that no water runs into 1t till next
morning. During the night the lye will
convert all the otfal into soft soap, and
the first current OF water in tile morning
will wash it away and leave the pipe as
clean. as new. See? This is practical
chemistry, yet few chemists would ever
think OF il"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
lL,lttle R]kapf'o;,bi

Nine Juvenile prisoners, whose uges
do not aggregate 100 years, were in
q Chicago court the other day charg-
ed with raising q riot. Six of them
were girls. A large woman, with O
big lunch basket on her arm, was the
accuscr. She owns q vacant cot
tage which was invaded by a dozen
children who proceeded to "play
house." She drove the crowd out
with n "shoe," and refused to give
them their playthings. She over
turned her basket on the courts
desk and out rolled alarge collection
ofpebbles, decayed lemons and old
shoes, which slle snid had been flung
at her cottngc. She could not point
out the exact infant who did the
throwing, however, and so the court
discharged them. They trooped out
Of the dock with suppressed giggles.
Philadelphia Times.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
What aIofforNanna

b makes q road broad, turns the car to
bear, and Tom into tomb.
Z makes limb climb, hanged changed, a
lever clever, and transports lover to
clover.
ID turns bear to beard, crow to u
crowd.
+ turns lower regions to flower regions.
II changes eight to height.
\ makes now know.
I. transforms pear into pearl.
turns q line into linen, crow to
crown, and makes one none.
metamorphoscs lumber into plumber,
Z of itself has no significance.
) turns even to seven, makes hove shove.
o word sword, tear a spear, makes
slaughter oflauglter, and curiously changes
having hoe to shaving shoe.
L makes bough bought, turns here to
there. alters one TO Tone and transforms
the phrase, "allow his own" to s'tallow this
town"
W does we'll, c. e., hose are whose. are
becomes ware, on won, omen women, so
SOW, vie view; 1t makes arm warm, and
turns hat into-what?
turns fur into fury, man to many, to
toy, q bub to buby, ours to yours, and
q lad to lady.
What is the difference between u tenant
and man who has lost his father?
One has to pay rent and the other has not
two parents.
Teacher Ito asmall boy in grammar class;
Let me hear you compare ride. Small Boy:
Ride, rode, ridden. Teacher ito another
small boy): Glide, to move gently. Other
small: Glide glode glidden. And the
teacher giode right up to him and reached
Tor his car, but the youth had gliddcn from
ms place and left the door open u he went
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Go aaved fhe aathine auIt.

10 0evoo the BAthln9 suit.
Few tnen there be who haven't
heard Of the perils ofJerseylightning
and Jersey justice, but in reality the
Jersey coast beats them oil. One
day Harry McElroy, one Of the best
amateur swimmers of the New York
Athletic, wasdisporting in the water,
exhibiting his superb physique to n
group of admirers OH the bench,
when the cry was heard: "a man
drowning!"' Harry struck out for
him with pair ofarms that had
carried joy to many o fair waltzer-
white as ivory and us strong as steel
and before the guard was anywhere
near Harry tumbled the fellow
through the turf, tossed him on the
sand and was back into the water
again, flashing his fine limbs in the
mir like Glaucus in search of n nereitl.
At dinner the following colloquy
took place:
''Say, Harry, in heavens name,
what did you want to risk your life
saving that worthless fellow for?
His family feel quite offended about
1t. He's no good. He's determined
to die drunk"
"May be-" drawled Harry rs he
raised u stalk of asparagus to his
mouth, "but the bathing suit was
worth three dollars. didn't know
who was in it,"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

hinssll 10 loosen she hide stsads ~ ~.
3ethsf BY The furious Aasefv o3the MI.
zane. Patisntly and quietly, vitA no M
u temper, he applied himself 10 the vofr
md with nothing but . sharp.pointed epike
ioaid bis hands, he began 70 unnyel. hi
~ bit, the laced knots and bunohss Of nv.
hlde-without ever cutting strand until.
IS the moon sank elimmerinR down. he
tangled mass lay In clear coils beside him.
though In several pieces. where Il had been
severed BY the teeth Of that little mouse
purring behind The altar-and the task vss
done. Then raising the trestle, he bore IL
within the altar; and with the new unrsvel.
led coil Of hide, and the softer silk ropo for
pillow, he again stretched himself upon
what had once been his bed Of torture.
For what possible object all this labor
had been undertaken, or for what future
purrose-vague they must have been-no
one but the persevering man who did IL can
tell; and there he lay-no sound coming
from his compressed lips-the day dawned,
Then he arose; and kneeling over tho sleep.
ing child, he again solemnly repeated the
oath he had before taken In his hut
Sleeping or waking. on land or sea, I
devote the remainder Of my wrctched life
to returning this lost child to its mother.
So help me God!"
The little boy stirred as If the angels and
the Savior were whispering their protecting
power over him. and, with smile dawning
upon his rosy, dimpled cheeks, he raised
the lids from his bright hazel eyes, and put
his fat round arms around the doctors neck.
II two great drops fell upon that upturned
innocent little face from the dark full eyes
bending over him, they were not tears Of
tho L.
and trustfulness falling from the soul OF q
repentant sinner relying upon IN all wise
Providence.
Come, my Henri" say your little prayer
OF the morning, and We will go!" The man
had taught the child that little prayer which
he himself had learned at his mothers knee.
Up again to tho crag and down to the
shelly margin Of the shore; and long
look the man gave ut the ruin Of shed and den
us he gently placed the child on a sand-bag
in the stern sheet Of tho ark. Then he
cast off the rope which held the vessel to
the hated strand, hoisted the sail, and, as
she dubbed along the inlet with the first
sigh of the land wind, he stood nj the helm
with his bare head lighted up by the beams
OF the rising sun, and his lips moved in
prayer.
On, noiselessly, through the Tigers Trap
sailed the little pinnace, till she bowed her
rugged cut-water in the yielding waves, and
with her squire lug-sa swelling gently to
the freshening breeze, she held her course
to sea!
Iquestion much il the stanch brigantine,
once tho Pirate Schooner, which had pre-.
coded her through this Tigers gorge, with
all tho ruffianly crew that manned her and
their yillanous captain on her quarter. deck,
stood half the chance Of prosperous voy-
followed, with her noble brave commander
and his weak and boyish mate! Who can
tell2
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Sweet Content.

A children's party, and the twins not in.
tied! Tint was hard to bear, not because
they expected TO be invited, but from the
bitter fact that they lived near enough to
the great house to see the gayety though,
they were not in It,
Their own house was u tiny cottage to
which they had just moved and rea lily the
only reason why they were not at the party
was that nobody had had time TO realize
that there were some new children in tho
ncighborhood.
All the afternoon they stood by the fence.
peering across the meadow and watching
the little forms of happy guests Hitting
about the lawn. Evening came, and they
were silent with delight over the Chinese
lanterns in the sllrubbery.
"Oh!" cried Lulu in an ecstaev, as their
mother came out to look with them, such
lovely, lovely lights! If We could only be
there and see them close TOT
but We must he contented," said man.
ma checrfully. ''If we're not invited We
must find happiness ut home"
81 do not think | can he happy till the
party is over" said Lulu in sad decision
.'See how light and bright it is there and
how dark We are
Little Agnes had been looking up to the
clear summer heaven and then down at the
meadow where fircilcs were swarming.
Don't you mind Lulu" she said in her
little soft voice. we've got the stars and
the iirefiies anyway"-[Youth's Gompan-
ion.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Remarkable Similarity.

There are two young artisans of
Bristol, Eng, named Johnson, who
are twins, and between whom the
similarity is far more remarkable
than in Shakespeare's two Dromios
even. Not only are they of thesamc
height and weight, having the same
colored hair, eyes and complexion,
identicalphysical measurements, and
feeding, walking, running, laughing,
crying, singing and speaking alike,
but they follow the same occupation,
hold the same position, and have
the same religious persuasion and
likes and dislikes. More singular
still they have espoused very similar
wives, and they have the same num-
Der ofchildren, who are of the same
sexes, three girls and three boys
each,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
For Women Who Lace

1flace you must. use three sets Of laccs In
your corsets, one starting at the top and
ending two or three holes above the waist
line of the corsets. to tic there. the SECOND
starting at the lower edge Of the corscts.
extending npt to two or three holes below
the waist line Of the corsets. TO tic there;
the third lacing the space lett between and
tying Just ut the waist line. Then, rc,luc.
ing the size OF your waist. that is, pulling
the middle eori-isn't going to dra. you
into: u straight line above and below the
waist. Also. you will wear your corscts,
even though tight, with more comfort.
There is n placc--isn't there, dear doctors?
Just about ut the waist line, that think
God must have left, knowing that women
would lace kill or no kill, where pressure
can come without tying necessary and in.
disneiisable yisceEa into hard knots. Dy
the suggested arrangement Of cords one can
reduce the size of the waist with less violent
offense to heart and lungs, and also without
sacrificing entirely harmony of outline"
Oakland (Cal) Echo.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Unexpected Guests,

Unexpected guests will come at times,
usually at inopportune times it seems.
When they do come make the best OF it;
welcome them with all possible cordially,
and do all in your power to make their
stay pleasant. One who cntertains at all
is usually able to make such additions to
meals as ure required by increased mum bers.
common Sense. "or some other tried cook
book, will suggest sundry addenda for 4
young housekeeper il, such emergencies. 4
good housckeeper will not bc oyerw helmed
by an unexpected visitor. u
You may regret the lack of time to give
little touches to the house and table, but
what IS nice enough for husband and chill
drcn-your. nearest and dearest-you surely
need not hesitate 70 set before a chance
conner.
When you do give an invitation let it be
as cordial as possible, and specify the date
and length of time for which it Is given.
That is one sensible English custom. Quests
are invited for definite time, be it two
days or a month, often even the hours arc
named for the arrival and departure"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
A Split Ear.

The curious case is mentioned by q
German doctor of a man who expert
enced unpleasant cracking noises in
tha left ear during a period OF u year
and q half. These occurred every
few seconds, and could lie heard by
amy person at II distance of q foot.
There was no deafness or inflamma-
ton, but the drum WIS found to
have u split in it through which air
was forced by the act of swallowing.
Arkansaw Traveller. {.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
A pertinent Question ,.

For the third time little Tommy Figs
had asked his father what was the cause 81
the Desert of Sahara. Finally the old gen.
tleman laid down Ills paper and answered:
II reckon it was FORMED when Tie Israel.
ties lost their sand. And IL you don't auit
asking me SO many questions I'll see that
your mother puts you to bed. before get
home hereafter" "But. pa, how can yo,,
sec her put me to bed If she puts me to bed
before you get liomel" And that question
was Tommy's last for that cvoning.-Occi-
danf
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

He Knew Himself He Thought.
1t takes more than q knowledge of
arithmetic sometime to do q "sum
in subtraction.
do you know anything about
figures, Uncle Ratsus?' said a mer-
chant to an applicant for work.
eyes, sab u
"Well, if were to lend you five
dollnrs and you promised to pay me
one dollara month. how much would
you owe me ut the expiration OF
three months?'
Five dollars. sah."
"I'm afraid YOU don't know much
about figures"
"No, sab; but l specs l knows all
about Uncle 'Rastus."
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

and saad q ~ % ths ioSks which hal
tumbled deWn1by the coneuasion o. de
fisst explosioa, and then the Wa.sr, packing
oil together us u no habitation had ever
existed there. The doctor walked slowly
around until be came to the angle where
the Kitchen once was. and there. three.
fourths hidden beneath mass Of blackened
stones and chasfsd timber, peered forth
the white skeleton Of q human being The
flesh bad besn sered and burned from the
face and skull BY the instantaneous fash
OF the powder. and there laid the remains
OF Babette. Whitley bleached, as IL abe had
been thrown . lifeless corpse on the sea-
beach. A few yards below this frightful
spectacle lay number Of shattered boxes
and trunks, now a confused bundle of
clothes, anda candy saturated collection Of
kitchen utensils aud crockery. Yes, the
poor dumb woman, the creature and witness
OF many a cruel scene, ignorant or uncer.
tain Of tho warning given her by the master
she loved, had fallen, and thus added an
other to his long list Of victims.
The doctor only waited long enough to
select n few necessary articles from the
heterogeneous heap before him. and then,
with the child still clinging coutentedly to
his shoulder, he returned to the chapel.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

This rough simile describes the kidneys
pretty accurately, or rather indicates their
which is to separate from the vital
iinld, which passes through them hurtful i'm.
nurities. II their activity ceases, they are
to diseases which provefatni Hostel
tors Stomach Bitters gives their action the
requisite impulse without irritating them.
They also benefit hy it's invigorating effects
upon the System al largs Mularinl and nerv-
Gus complaints. rheumatism and biliousncss
ore sub.ugateil by the Bit tiers.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Honesty Rewarded.

Detroit Free Press: I'D like to cit
trusted fur about - worth of stuff" said o
colorcd man to grocer OH Bcaubien street
the other day.
"You! Why, ! don't know you," was
the reply.
but my name is Thompson"
YES. but being named Thompson is not
enough"
."IIu! Den I'll fotch yc obcr fo'tcen pco-
pie To prove dat Use gwne to move
away TO Saginaw next week."
The grocer gave him a pound of codfisl,
for his honesty.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

Whether on pleasure bent or business,
sllould take OIL every trip hottie OF Syrup
of Figs, ny it nets most pleasantly and effect.
ually on the Kidneys liver md bowels, pre-.
venting levers, headaches and other forms o
sickness. For sale in soc and 81 90 bottles
by NIL leading druggists.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

n. A. Mcdonald, Of Meade county, IN 40
alteration with his sOn.in.iaw shot lin
through the abdomen. innicting dangerous
wound. The suffercris now lying quite low.
Mcdonald hns been bound over In tho sum o
$500 to await the result oi the injuries.
A little 7-year old son Of D. n. Kinka de,
Of CastaIia, met with n painful accident re.
cently. Tho little fellow was carrying his
smaller brother on his back, and while run
ming with him FELL brcuking the thigh bone
OF his right ley.
1t is reported that Fort Sidney is to be
abandoned next month. Sidney Is one O.
the oldest government posts in the west. but
the frontier lins retired SO many hundred
miles north and west that there is no further
use ior it's ex istcnce rs garrison for military
operation.
Some miscreant cut the harness of the team
OF Misses Taylor and I,ollinger, who drovct to
church at Hermillion the other evening. AZ
they left for home after services tho carriage
was overturned throwing the young ladies
out. Miss Bollingcr sustained severe inju.
RIGS.
II. c. Preston ot Mitchell, has raised IN
acre and quarter of German sugar bects
The beet weigh from two to four pounds each,
which is about the regulation size to which
they are allowed to grow in sugar making
countries. The crop is to he shipped to the
refinery ut Grand Island, Ncb., to be tested
rs to the yield ind grade of sugar produced
therefrom
The Madison aitesian well has reached u
depth of so feet, and the prospect OF OBJ.
tanning gushcr is ut this time considered
very doubtful by the contractors, but the
work is to be continued so long as the drill
will work. Should a gus!ler not hr Obtained
the well will be worth all il will cost the city.
stand pipe can DO erected, pumping works
provided and pure water, which the fine sand
bottom Of the well will produce, can be dis.
tribnte'l throughout the city and used 70,
domestic purposes.
Sheriff Souer, of Stur gis, was awakened
by His wife, who informed him that some one
was in the room. On looking he saw II mau
crawling Oh Ills hands and knees, and on
asking him what the "old Harry" he wanted,
I he mum replied by grabbing Souters pants
and making for the door. Soutrr jumped
out of bed and gave chase without waiting
tn dress. The man led off over the hill,
through l,riar, and brambIc. but was over.
hauled and returned to the house. While
the sllcriifdrssed, his vile held up tho would
be burglar with II shotgun. He was juilcd
md Souter returned home to dress the
scratches he received while running through
the brush Ell disllabi!le. lie got his pants.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
A Wise Precaution.

Chicago Times: Dobbs-Ger many is to
connect Hcligoland with the empire by two
new cables.
DuInyley-That's right. Them English.
men never knew how to be honest. but
they'll have hard work stealing back He'll.
goland now. guess. Germany is long
headed.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

No soap in the world lins over been initiated
as much as Dobbins' Electric Sonp. The
market is full OF limitations. BE care i'll that
You nre not deceived. u. b. Dobbns, Phil.
,n'!e'phia aud New York, is stamped on every
bar.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
SOUTH DAKOTA

CIV Sioux Falls has raised the necessary
G:.ss per iount OF money to secure tile linen fac.
Svafs aMd ~.
''"' 's;iut.-Gov. Fletcher contemplates leav.
esAH West B,9th Dakota to take up his residence
/.rado. where be 10 largely interest ed
u. IL mines.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Could Make HerHannx.

COUtu MqKe HeF Happy.
Washington Post; mabel, dearest, do
you think could make you l,appy?"
II should think so Mrs. Jcnkins' hus-
balld did her."
"How?"
III, rs insured his Lie for $4,000 and then
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

For NEURALGIA TAKE ALIENS Iron Tonic
Htters. All genuine bear the signature of
J. r. Allen, druggist, st. Paul MINI.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

A red scent can frequently lie found in an
Indian wigwum.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
sleeves That Filter the Blood.

An cat COMPILING nt-What good up
petite yon have!
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

That amateur weather prophets have be
come n nuisance
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
Apparent Size of the Sun and
Moon.

Moon,
What is the apparent size of the
disk OF the sun ormoon seen with tho
naked eye? Most people estimate it
Mt from about thrcs inches in dame
ter to the size of Il soup plate. An
investigation says that at n distance
often feet silver quarter dollar
would conceal the disk of the sun or
moon, as would a buckshot about a
quarter ofnn inch in diameter ut
arms length,-Exchange
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19
TOURISTS.

Old nse is wise for itscls. but not wise for
the community.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

The house adopted the conference report
on the river and harbor Till. Mr. Holman OF
lnlinna was The only one to speak against
it. He criticized those portions OF the bill o.
agreed upon in conference which makes mp
preparations for the purchase of tho Portage
Lake canal md for the Improvement of tho
Hay Lake channel.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-09-19

The consideration of the tariff bill has
closed. except as to the sugar section, reci-
procity and some reserved paragraphs,
which will come up later, when speeches are
TO he limited to thirty minutes in length no
senator 10 spenk more than once on the
same subject. The voting is to begin the
next day; and after the stage of the third
r"nding OF the bill in reached, three hours is
Id be allowed to each side for general dis.
cussiun.