The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1890-11-08
.PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Elder Sister-"Why don't you inn
prove your mind, Belle, instead of con-
tinually Gawdling about the houseP"
Belle-'What's tho use? Pm engaged"
-Ethel-"'Poor Clare. She is growing
Old" Maud at must seem sad to you,
seeing you have known her since she
was an infant in arms."-N. Y. Herald.
-"One of the papers gives a list OF
gems for the months" 81 saw that. 1t
wasn't accurate. 1t didn't mention coal
Harpor's liazar.
A Canadian doctor has just been tes-
tifying that a murdered mans hear
stopped right in the middle of a beat"
That's nothing; policemen often do the
same thing. -Utica Herald.
You ave parted from Miss Win
gis %forevcr?" Eyes. | was always
afraid her brother would cause our sop
a%ration, and he did" 81 didn't know
she had a brother" But she has. I'm
her brother" philadelphia Press.
A mother always feels compli-
mented when you tell her how much h
looks like her daughter, but the man
who thinks to please the daughter by
telling her how much she looks like her
mother is Il fool. -SomervilleJ Journal.
Willing to Learn: George Ito deb
utante sister, - "I'm almost sorry to
see you go into society, Edith; you are
like a rosebud Sc pure, SO innocent"
Edith-"Never mind, George, | can
learn. PUCK.
An Autumn Incident: DIR. A. to DR..
B.-"Nice trick You have played me
during my vacation. Here ] turned over
to you a lot of patients | have had for
years, and. you have cured them all up
in 4Rmonth. Courier dos Etats- Unis.
"A man will abuse the loafers him
self, but when he has an idle day and a
busy friend, did anyone ever know him
to respect the time of his busy friend so
much that no did not go around to his
place and loaf with him?-Atchison
Globe.
Caution: Little Boy lin crowded
street car, to pretty little girl-"Tll
give you my Q if you'll take it," Lit
tie Girl (whispering)-"rm ever so
much obliged, but you shouldn't offer
your seat until you are ready to get off.
cause people will think you're from the
country."-Good News.
lie tabOtt To take 10 his d~opartur9)
-"Where did / leave my hat? Why
your pug is playing with it in the cor
ner. What-no-yes-he's torn the lin
ing out?" Shoe, isn't he cunning?
Stay u little while longer and well
watch him play with it. Isn't he anus
ing?"
II should think, Mr.. Owelots, that
you would be afraid to marry me. am
so old and have so much mone that
people might misiudge your motive"
MY sweet Angelina, | love you SO, that
/ would willingly marry you though you
were three times rs old and had twice
as much money Boston Times.
Mate ton ocean steamer, rushing
into cabin Captain, n vessel has been
sighted of to the southeast displaying
signals of distress. Shall we change our
course to help them?" why, man, are
you crazyp Certainly not. Have you
forgotten that we stand a chance of
beating the record on this trip?"-Bos-
ton Herald,
No Help Wanted. -Visitor-"I say,
old boy, you are the most absurdly in
fatuated husband ! ever saw in my life,
considering how long you've been mar,
ried. You praise every dish your wife
makes and yet her cooking is sbomina-
ble." Host-"Sh! Don't speak so loud.
| know her cooking is bad; but II I say
a word she gets discouraged and sends
for her mothor."-N Y. Weekly,