The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-07-25
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

He who fights and runs away, may
get shot in the back.-Texas Siftings.
We saw bald-headed man in the
very last row, but it was at church, not
the opera.
Spontaneous combustion is some
times caused by an accumulation of
oiled rags and sometimes by collection
of insurance policies. "-Elmira Gazette.
Miss Plaingirl-I sometimes fear
that he doesn't love me: yet he kissed
me last night" Miss Prettypert-''Then
you may rest assured that he loves you"
N. Y. Sun.
Mother (of spoiled child)-"I am
greatly obliged to you for bringing my
little boy back" Organ Grinder-"I
fraida he teacha munka bada tricks
N. Y. Weekly.
-Snooper-"It's no wonder they are,
always finding microbes, bacteria and
such things III France" Simeral -
"Why?" Snooper-"B Because France is
just the place for Parasites"
The Young Veteran -" Smithers?
Smithers is retired artist" Retired
artist, Ell? Why, he is only twenty
eight years old" THAT may be; but
you don't have to be very old to retire
from art.-Puck.
The scene is Roman studio: "How
do you know that old fellow is an Amer
ican?" Because he asked the price of
of that Madonna. Any other but an
American would have asked who painted
it."-Society.
Judge of my horror, madame, as I
yesterday caught my little Otto, aged
three, in the act of tearing my newly
written poems into fragments" Lady
"What! Can the little fellow read?"-
journal Amusant.
1t is not impossible to say many
more original things about original
sin, and the fashionable preacher would
do we'll to pound some of the fashiona-
BILE sins of fashionable sinners of the
present time.-N o. Picayune. ed
-A.-"A more deserving medical man
than our friend Richard does not exist
He very frequently accepts no fees from
his patients!" B.-''You don't say sop
A.-"For he generally settles with the
heirs. "-Fliegende Batter.
The academy committee have
grudge againstyou, haven't they?" asked
one disciple of the brush of brother in
art. 'Why, no. They accepted my ma
rine." $50 l saw If they were we'll
disposed they would have it sent back"
Detective Ito country grocer who
had been robbed) -"What kind of goods
did the burglars take?" Storekeeper-
mo goods; only money. Didn't even
touch my cigars" Detective-"Ah,
there's clew. Must have been some
body who knows the place. IN. Y.
Tribune.
ibid you ever see any thing like
this name?" said a clerk in railroad Of
fee. Its Russian, isn't it?' 81 don't
know what it is; but it looks as if two
sections of the alphabet had run into
each other and got telescoped. Wash
ington Post.
Miss Goodley-'I do not think Sc
much of Jack Reunion as did," Miss
Galee-"Why not?" II went to church
with him last night and he volunteered
to find the text" "Well what has that
to do with it?" So nothing, except
that 1 can't say that l have much re-
spect for man who hunts for the Epis,
tie to the Romans in the Old Tesla
month. Y. Sun.
What must do to awaken true
appreciation of my work?" asked poet,
speaking to a publisher that has Just
brought out an edition of Ibsen. "You
must write dramas without beginning
and without an end-dramas from which
the principal characters disappear, with,
out warning, never to be heard OF
again" Il have done that" said the
poet, land yet no howl is raised over
my work. What else must do?'' "You
must sit down and wait until you are
sixty years old" 'But suppose l should
not be recognized even after have at.
tanned that age?" ''Well, if you are not,
you will then know that you are fail
ure. "-Arkansaw Traveller.