The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1890-11-20
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Tin far Western store)-
'Got any neckties9' Proprietor (mysti-
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. sort-silk, calico
or hrmp?" Good News
We know what the girl who never
thinks talks about. Now we would like
to find out what the girl who never talks
thinks about -Atchison Globe.
-Flora-''Who is that fat, awkward
woman who doesn't seem to know what
to do with her hands and feet?" Nora
20, that's MIRA Hustler. the eminent
teacher Of 'Delsarte. '"-America.
~ haven't had an outing for two
years." complained Mrs. Jaysmith.
''That's too bad!" replied her husband.
alphabetically. 'Ill look 1T the ad.
vertisements and see it there isn't .
free excursion to q sale Of lots you can
60 to to-day" Bazaar. r..
The velocity Of light has been meas
ured and recorded. but the rapidity with
which woman can scatter bad news
over neighborhood is still = matter OF
guesswork.-Ram's Horn. z 7.
. Lady Guest-'I leave this house in
an hour" Clerk-"Is there any thing
wrong, madam" Lady Guest Wrong!
Well, should say SO. Why, the next
room and mine are connected by door,
and you have actually stopped up the
keyhole. IN. Y. Sun.
"A Laudable ire.-Wife-"Dear,
dear! What can YOU be dropping oil on
your best coat for?" Husband-"I
bought bottle of stuff to-day to take
out grease stains with, and I wanted to
see If it was any good."-Clothier and
Fnrnisher.
-"1sn't Jones Christian Scientist
believer in the faith cure?" He is"
us it true that he wouldn't have . doc
tor for his wife the other day when she
was sick?" 1T is quite true" well,
l saw doctor go into his house just
now" Oh! that's all right He's sick
now himself. Cod Item.
An cratic old gentleman in New
York recently went hence and left =
large fortune to be expended in teach
ing people to eat with their forks Had
he left one-half the sum to provide
something for them to practice on, his
memory as benefactor would have
lasted longer. Rams Horn.
Cousin Tom Ito Lizzie, who, with
the rest Of the family, has just returned
from the country)-"Aren't you glad to
get back to the city? should think
you would be all Lonesome in that sleepy
town." Lizzie-:'O. no. We got &C.
quainted rapidly. and l had several
lovers, to boot" Cousin Toni should
think your father would have attended
to that. Boston Herald.
-Travers-"say, old man, great
scheme! Am going to London. You
order what clothes you want. Same
height, same breadth. buy them.
Bring 'em back. Good fit. Cheap. Eh?"
Dashaway-''Splendid. I'll make out
my order at once. When you get back,
I'll pay YOU" Travers-"You will, Ell?
Well. Id like to know how you expect
me to get over there?"-Clothier and
Furnisher.
MIR. Mushroom-''I wish you would
send one o those invites to old Skee-
sicks and his wife" Mrs. Mushroom
What! Them vulgar Skeesicks? I
won't do it." Mr.. Mushroom--"Of
course, they amt so blamed cultured;
but they Can study up q little" Mrs.
heavens sake, Jere.
miah! You'll be wanting me to ask our
fathers and mothers here next"
Dol lie Smuggling quite close to his
watch chain)-"What have you in that
locket?" Chollie-'A postage stamp"
Dollie-''Goosie! What postage stamp?"
Chollie-''The one on your last love-let-
ter. detached it carefully. 1t touched
your moist rcd lips 1t often touches
mine" Dollie-"You dreadful fellow!
Pm so sorry" Chollie-''Sorry! Why!"
Dollie-''Because moistened that
stamp by pressing it or Fido's dear,
damp nose" Pittsburgh Bulletin.