Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1890-10-28
BACH CLUB GOSSIP.

Our Co3oael II . nan viii hs0 conste-
s;ons AID il be really deciies Stgsrsinx
nsr,ou. thss .lseisioa 10 fixed. for ticss and !
- rnisy.- % The Cunmsdore sxrressss /
h. Nav most Of us are fSsd OF Bill Nysss
proiucs;ous and many = hearty laugh has
n~en erjoyed, all save the Coiooel tasine
pxrt therein. ..America has pfodue. but
me humofiss he slsays sass1 and assamee
10 see no merit in another The Cosons
had made the seaaainsAEes OF A-trma.
Ward when the lAiter SIS 1t uhe beisst ot
h, fame aad tram that day 70 this A. Ward
vas the oaiy hrmorist America ever pro
duced. We alwsys f<l; that the fact OF the
Colope.'s hasins met Ward had much 20 do
with his opinion. IL mast have been. you
know, . great satssfacsioa 10 sav, TAX
about your hamorsss. Artemas Ward Vas
rser Of them ali. How veil remember
The time had . long chat with him etc
rhsre are mary people jast Ike the Col
onel.
No wonder then that he, having just read
an anecdo;e Of Artemus Ward sh su.d insist
on readi q Is TO Us and - many no doubt
have ne ser h. ard hi, patti ,ular one Of the
ins \ h tn.tioie stose Of anecdotes n gsrdins
that famous indivi .ual II shall be repeated
here The story y ss toll by Nathan Church
the former landlord Of Church's tAvsra IN
N4piss Me-. a. follows:
.,.You see, Arts mus had been visi,iag his
m ahsr and DO, hood frields in Waterford.
aad was on his way to Portland By private
team over the old stage road. Il was
toward night, and it being 4 lorg way to
portl and, he put up with me for the gat
For a wonder, the great humcrist was
about NY only guest that nisht-at least,
the only transient guest. Arsemus made
himself entirely at hume. The season was
cool, and the hanes ia the big fireplace
lesped and cracked, sending rudy glow
upon the thin face of the sober visagad
traveller, as, leaning back in the oli-!ash
toned. highbsek rocking chsi.. he Razed
penavely oa the slowing heap. Occasion
ally he turned and addressed word to me.
Presently bright eyed little girl, about
years of age, who was staying tempora-
rily At the house. entered the room, and
seated herself near the fife al a respectable
dista nee from the stranger.
She had been there only fe~ minutes
when Artemus suddenly turned to her, and
with q solemn countenAnee, slowly in
CURED;
Excuse me. my little dear, but please
tell me how you spell the word cat
Cat, was her prompt response.
'Ah how sad, how very ssd,' remarked
the great chow man. in doleful toaes. aid
with deprecatory shake Of the head, that
so intelligent young lady rs you appear
TO he. should have had your early educa-
ton 20 diesdfuily neglected. Ny dear ST.
ow me t. set you right. The correct ana
only true way TO spell cat is kat. No~,
,ol won't forget it, wild you:'
Bat. l tell yoa, my way is risht,' she
pe,tis and earne 't!y rat rted. My DO k
Gays its Cat, and my teach r says ITS
cat
'All wropg-radically, terribly wrong,
moaned the almost weeping bumo'i
Let me conviIcs you Ut your fearful
error
And thereupon h, proceeded to weave
about the oung msidens plastic innucent
mind the most ingenious, sub lie, plausible
network of toph s'ries that eyen q Patrick
Henry, a Rufus Choate, FIR Ben Blu Ter
could have invented His student listened,
ENHANCED; doubled, wavered, and at the
end Of the lprg argument, believed. And
when he retired for the night his face wore
triu nphant look, as though the last
good nigh,' ut.erance of his gulleless com.
pani0n was mentally piefaced with kat,
k-A I. kat.
an ine has along with other valuable
predictions given birth TO several humorists
Of world wide fame" remarked the Com
modore. "Bill Nye while he may now
'hiok that had he known forty years ago
how many great men we're to be sent forth
from the Pine Tree State to enlghten the
ord he would have selected some ether
birthplace, the fact rcma'ns. hasn't dis
hot ored it. A true humorist i, born not
made. AS anyone with half q sense of humor
ran Judge. How much there is foisted on
the public 10 the guise of bumor that is
machine made. | don't presume any of
the famous humorists wrote without an
{ fl RI, but they at least hal and have the
genius to make their readers bell We that
their wit Dubbed forth from a PERENNIAL
fourt. By the way did you ever Writ the
pot where the retnsias Of Artemus Ward
were laid at rest? No? Not lorg since l
vii ed the Browne fsmiiy 10. 1t Elm Yale
&c metery, near South Waterford village.
Passing in through The unpreten-
tiou, wooden gateway, 3 few st-p,
to the right brought me to q
nea' monument of polished granite,
surmounted by an urn. on the east eide of
which is simply the word Browne in large
| letters. Running west Of il is the Levi
| Browne lot, neatly grad AID enclOst Il
with granite curbina, along which stand five
white marble hesdst,nes, al OF uniform
size and shape. between which and five cor
responding foot.t )nes is buried the entire
| family.
A graceful elm of medium size stands at
one corner of the lot and back Of the mon
ume mt, and looking past thck!y set grave
It mes one sees a picture of rcstful beauty,
of which Bear mountsin and the placid,
gre ,n-fIinged lake at it, foot are near and
salien. features. TIL, great bumorist. lyirg
on his death bed in strange but friendly
land. dictated to the lawyers Who drew up
his will: My BODY to he buried IN the
cemetery at South Waterford, Loser Vii
lage,' and most faithfully and tenderly
was his last wish fulnIted'
| ~ done believe that all the sense of
humor in Oxford county WIS confined to
| the Browne family" added the Doctor.
Il remember one fall when was teaching
/ school up in that section sni was boarding
at a farmhouse the good mat ION of which
was endowed with an unfaiiing s URGE OF
d'y wit. One summer evening her worthy
spouse sat smoking on the door step when
a tramp approached and said.
| Il have been walking a long distance,
Mister, AMI if you will permit me I'll sit
| few minutes on your doorstep
| An right, was the answer.
! The two men fell into conversation. which,
my window being open | could dis incty
hear, and IS the farmer discovered his
guest 10 be an Intelligent man their talk
was continued until q late hour.
Would you miad giving me a mug Of
cider: asked the tramp, at length.
Not at all said the farmer; i will do it
with pleasure
The elder WAS procured and disposed of
in summary fashion, AMI then came the
next request;
4 We Travelled a good distance today, and
should like very much TO ioige with YOU
if you've no objection
Al, right said the farmer, Il can accom-.
mo ale you
Mes,~hile his wife. who had long
before re ifed. and vas listening to the
conversation from her bedroom, called
out:
No, yon wont; won't have him here
Come. husband, lis time for YOU TO come
in and lock up
Madam sail the tramp, seriously, t1rn-
ing in the direction of tn. voice. You
stoull rot speak so abruptly to q stranger.
You might be eateItaioiGg al angel
unawaras.'
Il ant N te afrsii. returned the old
LADY. ca.mf, ANGELS d,r'( come Yound