The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-12-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

an idle one wanting to borrow money
OF hin.-AtchiSon Globe.
How good a man is to his wife the
first day after she has caught him do
ing something wrong. -NeddUtite 1ri-
bHlc.
1t was magnificent mine, but they
ruined it," ''II0w?" The poor idiots
took all the gold ont OF it."-Harper'S
Bgzar.
You do not always get returns from
your wisdom. but you always get big
returns from your follies. -AtctiSOn
q ODE.
She CATER lovers quarreD-"You
may return my letters" He (editor)
Did you inciosc stamps? "-Ha7per'
Bd.w IT,.
Ethel (ambitious) - What would
YOU do if you had voice like miner"
Maud (spilefuD-''I Try TO put up
with it, ~ J. Herald.
Il see the dclhroncd Emperor OF
Brazil has become Il great student"
Yes; now that lie cannot reign he
pores! Boston TraCeiter.
Actor to Promotor-''Wh hen does the
cue Gomez Directly; don't yon hear
the audience are already beginning TO
hiss?n- FIiegends BLdttr.
We have no words except praise for
the dead. This is natural. as we usual
" exhaust our whole stock of blame on
them while aiive.-Pucd.
Cunlso-"You can lead horse to
water, but You can't make him drink"
Banks-'Just the same with Colonel.
isn't it!'-Brooaiya Life.
When YOU see Il boy with beautiful.
long. yellow curls there is very little
doubt as to % is the head of the fam
ily.-Ipdianap0ljS journal.
CumSo-' Brown is an ideal money
maker Banks Yes. Wax to re-
ceive and marble to retain, as the
adage says."-N. y. HeTuld.
Porous plaSters are cool for a
weak back" That's all right, bat |
want plaster Tat will be good for a
week hence. '-Hnpsr'S Baz IT,.
Teach yo.lr boys how to earn money,
and. To make the reform in the next
generation complete, teach your girls
how to spend it.-AtchtSon Globe.
A man who has been swindled in a
bucket-shop transaction may not exact
" want to die, but he feels good deal
like kicking the bucket.-St. Joseph
NeUS.
Think that young doctor under
stands his business pretty well?' ii
think not. | heard several of the old
er physicians praising him yesterday
Indianapolis Journal.
Send this car to the repair shop"
ordered the inspector. Yes, sir.
What is wrong?n II notice that two
of the windows open easily. Have
them attended ton. y Sun.
SalvationiSt stopping Jack on the
roaO-"1oung man. are you ready to
die? Jack-''Look here, my friend
I'm entirely unarmed and haven't a
cent about me."-Broo&iyn Life.
well, your goose is cookedr' ex-
claimed Snodgrass, as he entered his
parlor. who has been roasting YOU
this time. love?" asked Mrs. Snod-
grass, anxiously. Munsey's Weekly.
Il couldn't help getting mad. Now
| appeal to YOU if you were I,wouldn't
YOU be angry?" II don't know rs
would be angry; but, if | were YOU. |
should be ineXpress bly, sad. "-BoStOn
Transcript.
A-"Bullion thinks good deal of
his home and grounds, and is fond of
showing them off" b Gin love with
Billions daughter sadly)-"Yes. he
showed me off the grounds last even
ing.'-Yaie Record.
Teacher-''Tommy, you may explain
the difference between wages and
salary" Tommy The man that
draws a salary has 10 spend most Of it
for good clothes or lose his job. "-I1-
dtdnapOliS Journal.
Have you any securing
sand?' Grocer-"No; were entirely
out of it." Customer-'.W We'll. give me
half-pound of your sugar; my tins
have to be secured to-day no matter
what it costs. "-Lye.
Young Author-"You have no idea
how f1uently | write when | am de-
scribing some object like-something
| fairly dote on" Mis- What's
the matter with writing your biogra-
phy?"-1eras Sittings
Travers-..You have actually sent
bill with my clothes. What insult!
What infamyr' Talor-'It was all
our new bookkeeper's fault, sir He
got you mixed up with those who pay"
-Ctoth,er and FurniShcr
i've lost my position" said the man
who had made application for assist
ance. wv hat were You engaged at?"
Il was director of the mint" .In-
deedn' Yes, sir; | used to mix
juleps. "-IVaShington Post.
story at hand, describing n love
scene between the hero aud heroine,
says: He wooed her with a will"
That's good way, especially if the
wooer is old and the will is in her ia
yor. -BinghdnatOn Ledder.
Give the average man three DAYS
work to be done in three DAYS and he
will boast the first day, loaf the Sec
ond, and show the amount of work he
has to do to prove that he is worked to
death on the third. --4tchison Globe.
Did you enjoy it off in the country,
Jimmie?" Did,? Had bully time.
| used to get up before anybody in the
hotel and change all the boots and ring
the tire-alarm, and broke nine panes
of glass in one weck.-Harpers Bazar.
Colonel Greytop-''M Miss Uptown.
would like to introduce an old friend
of mine-a soldier-one of The Balak-
lava Six Hundred. Miss Uptown
lone of the Six Hundred, o, Colonel,
hadn't l better see mamma first?n
Life.
What, my child! You danced last
night with the Colonel? And he goes
to balls while he yet wears mourning?
What light man he must be,'' 20
but, mamma, really you should have
seen how beautifully sadly he dancedm
-FUege,sde Bldtter.
Mr.. Ticks-'.Adam was certainly in
great luck Miss Wiekles = How
was that?" Mr.. Ticks-..Whv. when
be got wife lie bad only 10 give mp a
rib; aud now il takes all the h,rk homo