davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
HUMOROUS.

-Larkin--"Hero's the biggest En-
glish syndicate yet" Gazzam-"What
does it propose to buy?" Larkin-"The
Niagara hackmen. "-Harper's Bazar.
She" Indeed, it's not an easy
ching for girl to get husband" He
"Why, pretty girl can make her
choice of four out of every five men she
meets" She--"But its the fifth that
she wants. Life.
The Same Old Beefsteak. whats
the matter with the beefsteak?" asked
the landlady. 81 don't know" replied
the new boarder; "but have horrible
suspicion that the COW was afflicted with
general ossiication. Washington Cap
ital.
l--Coniugal Dispute. - Very well,
then," she exclaimed, to make a con.
cession, Il can not deny that l have my
faults" Husband (hastily)-"No doubt
of that" Wife (more hastily stilD-T
should like to know what they are!"--
LIE Figaro.
Miss Minnie-"Mr. Figg, You really
must buy ticket for our ball. It's for
the benefit of poor, starving dress
maker" Figg-'But is she really de-
serving, do you think?" Miss Minnie
81 know she is She has done lots of
work for the girls of our set and always
lets us set our own price. "-Terre Haute
Express
observation-disclosures Til never growl
at IA two-doilaf poll.tax again. Here's
iviry Frinchman In France has to pay
twinty-five dollars a year. How's that
for tax?" Rounder-''Ain't you mis-
taken, Mac? It's only foreigners that
are to be taxed that way" McMullen
(scornfully)-"Well, if a Frinchman
isn't furriner, what is he?"-Lawrence
American.
-Sleepingscar Porter-''Had a pleas
ant trip, sah?" Passenger getting into
his overcoat) -"Delightfulw Porter
"Nothin' happen to mar your pleasure,
sah?" Passenger-'Nothin whatever.
Came through safe and sound" Por-
ter Observation-Disclosures GEM
men like to give small fee, sab, to-"
Passenger--''Good idea. I'll hand
something to the engineer."-N. Y.
Weekly.
He Understood-"Mis Lanra," said
the young man softly, ''you have never
yet called me by my first name, 1t
would seem so much more-more friend
ly if you would sometimes call me
William, "You have middle name,
have you not?" inquired the beautiful
girl. ''Yes, but never use it." he re-
piled. 81 always write my name Will
lam d. Shackelford. "Ah, yes," she
murmured. ''The D. dare say, stands
for Dennis" Mr.. Shackelford did not
stay long after that Chicago Tribune.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
THE WELSHMANS WRESTLE.
Tie Tries to Learn English, and Ends by
Numbering His Teacher. r

Tie Tries to Learn English, and Ends by
Numbering His Teacher. r
Rev. DR.. Frederick Evans told story
at the banquet of the Welshmen to H.
lustrate the difficulties Welshman has
in studying the English language. The
Welshman undertook as his first lesson
from an English teacher this primer
story very simple to an Englishman:
That ploughman has rough field to
plow, and whom he is through let him
shoulder his gun as though no was not
tirtd, and while he is roughing it his
wife is busy with the dough, for which
he should feel thankful, and she has
two children sick with the hiccoughs."
The Welshman was taught first to
pronounce 'ploughmau," and on that
cough" sound he read off the story thus:
THAT ploughman has a row field to
plough and when he is throu let him
shoulder his gun as thou he was not
tired and while he is rowing it his wife
is busy with the dow, for which he
should be thankful, and she has two
children sick with the hiccows"
OF course the Welshman's teacher
told him that trough" was always
ruff" and thereupon the Welshman
corrected his story, as he thought:
THAT Pullman has rough field tc
pluff and when he is thruff let him
shoulder his gun as thuff he was not
tired, and while he is ruffing it his wife
is busy with the duff, for which he
should feel thankful, and she had two
children sick with the hiccuffs."
/ But through" was not thruff, and
after much coaching on that word the
Welshman innocently produced another
remarkable use of the ''ough:"
THAT plooman has rue field to ploC
and when he is through let him shoul
der his gun as thoo he was not tired
and while he is rueing it lis wife i:
busy with the do, for which he should
be thankful, and she has two children
sick with hiccoos."
Then the Welshman was taught how
to pronounce dough" and keeping tina
in his head made his story more mon
strous:
THAT ploman has row field to pl'
and when he is throw let him shoulde
his gun as though he was not tired ant
while he is rowing il his wife is bus,
with the dough for which he should fee
thankful, and she has two children sicl
with the hiccoes.n
Then when the Welshman could mas
ter ''hiccoughs" he capped the climax:
THAT plupman has rupp field t
plupp and when he is thrupp let hin
shoulder his gen as thupp he was no
tired and while be is ruppingit his wifi
is busy with the dupp for which b.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
TIME FOR ACTION.
The Grievous Humiliation of Disfranchised
Woman.

In view of the many vital questions
now up for consideration in which wom-
en- are especially interested, it seems to
me, says Elizabeth Cady Stanton, that
the time has come for more aggressive
measures, more self-assertion on our
part than was ever manifested before
Those of us who feel it most keenly
have never been able to portray the
monstrous crime of woman's disfran-
chisement, nor the grievous humiliation
we feel in view of our degraded posi-
tion as native-born American citizens
under foreign yoke, increasing in
height with every ship-load landing on
our shores, until it is indeed grievous to
be borne.
1t is an arrogant assumption of power,
by those administering the government,
to hold us another day in such bondage.
Our title to voice in this Government
is as clear as that of the man by ouv
side. We were accounted as people
and voters in the constitution of thir-
teen original colonies. We find nc
! utntlOH VI ptiNileStu OiooS VI
white male citizens" in those early
documents; we hear only of ''peo
pie. 'persons," Inhabitants, and
taxpayers. Accordingly, women yot
ed in some of the colonies until, a:
States, their constitutions were Sc
framed as to unite the suffrage with
qualifications of property, education
color and sex, in violation of every
principle in our government. 1t is {
patent and oft-repeated fact that in the
State of New Jersey women voted at al
elections from 1776 to 1907 upon terms o
equality with men. They helped t,
elect the delegates from that State t
the constitutional convention The,
voted to ratify the instrument whel
submitted. They voted at the first fiv'
Presidential elections-Swice for Wash
/ inrton. twice for jefferson and once 70
John Adams. Their descendants ar
only claiming the exercise of right .
old as the constitution itself. The cor
test in the year lseo was bitter beyon
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
WOMAN SUFFRAGE NOTES.

ROBERT BROWNING and Mrs. Brown.
ing were among the early advocates of
equal rights for women in England
THE fair lately held in horticultural
Hall by the Independent Women Voters
of Boston was very successful, financial
ly and otherwise.
THE school council of the common
schools of Christiania, Norway, elected
by the teachers themselves, consists of
fifteen male and forty-five female teach
ers. n
MRS. w. d. HOUSE, who has charge Of
the schools at Waco, is said to be the
only woman in Texas acting as school
uperintendent. Teachers hold her in
high esteem.
The Belgian Parliament has decided
that women may be admitted to the full
practice of medicine and pharmacy. 1t
has voted, on the other hand, to shut
the profession of law against them.
II is reported from India that two
women commissioners are to be appointed
by the Nizams' Government to take the
testimony of the residents of Zenanas,
who are suffered by usage to appear in
court to testify.
MARIA MITCHELL being asked once
for her opinion on woman suffrage, an.
swered, ''Of course am a suffragist.
have so long believed it was right for
| women to have a share in the govern
ment that it seems to me like the first
axiom learned in geometry-'A straight
| line is the shortest distance between any
two points, !"
IT is believed that our city school
| board has been much benefited by the
| action OF the few women who have been
elected to serve in it, and that the num-
Der might be increased with advantage.
| Women have more time than men to
visit schools, and they are more used to
taking pains, and where girls predomi-
nate, or in exclusively girls schools,
they are in a peculiar sense the natural
heads of administration. boston Her
aid.
| SIxTY-FoUR women, residents of New
York City, Brooklyn, Philadelphia, and
neighboring towns, have organized the
| Woman's Branch of the American Lep-
rosy Society Its object is to assist the
lepers of Molokai, according to the
directions OF Miss Amy c. Fowler isis
ter Rose Gertrude.) Articles of use to
the lepers will be sent to Molokai two
or three times year. Meetings of the
society will be held every two months.
At these meetings reports of work
among the lepers from Miss Fowler will
be read, illustrated by photographs
taken by herself.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
Murdered by a statue.

The death of Kenith, the half myth
cal King of Scotland, was one of the
most curious and remarkable in history,
il it may be called an historical fact Ii
seems that ZENITH had slain Cruthlin-
tus. a son, and Malcom Duffus, the King
and brother OF Fennella; she, to be re-
venred, caused Wiltus, the most ingen-
ious artist of the time, to fashion stat
ue filed with automatic springs and
levers. Finished and set up this brazen
image was an admirable work of art. In
its right hand Wiltus placed ever and
in the left an apple of pure gold, finely
set with diamonds and other precious
stones. To touch this apple was to court
death. 1t was so arranged that anyone
guilty of such vandalism would be inn
mediately riddled by arrows shot from
the loop-holes in the statues body.
Kenith was invited to see the wonder,
and kinglike land Just as Fennella
hoped), tried 70 pluck t;hifs precious I'M.
tation fruit. De was instantly riddled
with poisoned arrows. dying where be
fel.-~St Louis Republic.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
JOYS OF WEODED Lire.
Some of the Delightful Incidents in IL,
Existence of a Benedict.

The joys of welded life have never
all been written out, One of the most
delightful Incidents in the life of a
Benedict occurs at midnight, when he
is routed from his slumbers by his wife,
who strikes two or three well-directed
blows upon his breast with her elbow.
"Wife, what is the matter?'
The lady has drawn her delicate head
underneath the blanket and is shaking
like disturbed jar of calf-foot jelly.
She says, in smothered, tremulous
voice:
''Oh, Thomas Tor John, or james,, l
hear noise in the hall, and there is
certainly somebody in the house"
Nonsense; you are mistaken"
''There-there ID is again. You can
hear them Walking in the parlor
They're robbing the house. told you
the new servant was a suspicious per-
son."
Thehusband has, by the time the last
speech is delivered, raised himself bolt
upright in the bed, pulled off his night
cap, and pricked his ears to catchsthe
slightest, sound. After he has shivered
five minutes or so, the wife again says:
"There, now. 4 heard a glass break
Oh, we shall be murdered, Do get your
pistols, Thomas"
| The husband is now really alarmed,
and gets out of bed. He gropes around
carefully; but, Notwithstanding his eau
tion, falls over chair, pitches into a
washstand, and alights among thetfrag-
ments of the water-basin. The lady
shrieks, and asks her husband if the
robbers are in the room. Getting no an
swer, she dashcs to the window and
cries: Murder" The husband endeav-
ors to stop her, but the steam is too
high for the safety-valve. The neigh
borhood is alarmed, and disturbed faces
are numerous. The policeman hears
Murder" cried, and at the terrible
shrieks of the lady breaks the lock OF
the front door and rushes in. Several
of the neighbors follow him with lights,
and of a sudden the whole picture is il
Illuminated. The poor husband had cut
himself upon the basin, and the floos is
covered with blood. The wife explains
Che cause of their alarm and dilemma,
and, of course, the policeman goes off.
The official never thinks any more Of
the matter, but the neighbors never for
get it The poor husband gets the name
of blackguard and a vile brute, and a
story goes about that he was caught
beating his wife in dark room at mid
night, with chairs and wash-basin, she
being too kind to tell the truth.-N. Y,
Ledger.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
Eating a Birds Nest.

To an American the idea of eating a
birds nest, which, of necessity, can not
be otherwise than filthy, is repulsive;
when it is known that the nest to be
eaten is composed of the birds saliva,
the thoughts of using such thing for
dessert causes nausea. The bird
building this edible nest is aspecies OF
swift, not unlike the American chimney
swallow, nesting in the caves and under
shelving rocks along the coast of China
and Japan. In some cases the nest is
composed of groundwork Of twigs or
seaweed, but the best and cleanest (P)
nests. which, OF course, bring the high
est price, are composed entirely of pure
mucus from the salivary glands. The
material in its hardened state is brittle,
fibrous, white and transparent very
like pure gum arabic, or even
glass. With the Chinese the edible
birds nest is most appetizing
aelicacy, and they will eat it when
o-thirds of the entire structure is
posed of framework OF hair,
hers anu straw.-SS Louis Re
lie
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
One Dollar Per Year.

all precedent, and we are told that all
the women of the State who were en-
titled to vote did so. One of these
voters, the late Mrs. Cumback, mother
of Hon. VIM. Il. Cumback, of Indiana.
Idied only few years ago.
This right in the colonies was but fol-
lowing the precedent established far
back in English history, showing that
women voted and held office throughout
that kingdom at an early day. 1t is
clear, then, that women have been cruel.
ly robbed of rights they once possessed
and exercised. For fifty years we have
been plaintiffs at the bar Of justice, and
three generations of statesmen, judges
and reformers have exhausted their able
arguments and eloquent appeals in the
courts and before the people. But as
the bench, the bar and the jury are all
men, we are nonsuited every time.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
Both Sides.

The woman's suffrage question Is one
which refuses to be banished. Think
ing men and women, says the Skandi.
nav, Norwegian paper of Duluth,
Mimi, have for years taken an interest
in this question, and it is but proper
that we listen to the results of their
efforts Should the matter prove to be
humbug, it will be easy to reject it;
but if there should happen to be some
thing in it, we should not permit an in
herited prejudice to stand between us
and the light of truth. Let us hear, not
only what is said against woman's
suffrage-that we hear every day-but
let us also hear what is said in its favor,
unless we are set Of towards, afraid OF
our own shadows.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
.4PERSoNAL AND. LITERARY.

Ivan Panin, the Russian lecturer,
regards the three kings of literature as
Tolstoi, Carlyle and Emerson, ranking
them In the order named. ,t h.t
Rev. Edward Abbott, who has been
olectedaas missionary bishop to japan
is said to be the original "Rollo" Of the
"Rollo books" written by his father,
Jacob Abbott. . lSPpl 7'
One of Dumas latest maxims runs
as follows. Oft is not wickedness which
does the mostharm; it, is stupidity. |
prefer the wicked to the imbeciles be-
cause they sometimes rest. +"
Max O'Rell in his 'Jonathan and
His Continent says that american
women are charming in that they have
sprightly manner in telling things
and know so much to tellP
-Ernests Renan. the French philos-
opher, sindnlges ina hobby of not riding
in vehicles of any kind, preferring to
walk, although his health is feeble and
a stout cane is necessaryto support him.
Henry NJ. Stanley is now forty-nine
and is unmarried. His new book, to be
published in this country by the Scrib-
ners will be entitled "In Darkest Africa,
and the Quest, Rescue and Retreat of
Emin, the Governor of Equatoria.
Governor Albeit, of New Jersey, is
great reader. He has always kept up
with the current literature and is well
informed regarding the tendency Of Gc-
tion in these latter days. He admires
Rider Haggard's works, because they
take the reader out Of his usual groove.
The English press issued 1904 new
books last year, against 4,960 in 1888.
In the latter year, also, there were 1851
new editions, but only 1878 in 1889.
Juvenile books, novels, year books,
serial stories and technical works on
medicine and surgery are the only ones
which were more numerous last year
than the year before.
At a recent sale thirty-fve dollars
was paid for note in which Tennyson
excused himself from attending din
ner to which he had been invited, and a
letter of Shelly's, referring entirely to
personal matters, brought one hundred
dollars. A letter of Lambs, in which
he said: II am recovering, God be praised
for it, healthiness of mind something
like calmness, but want more religion, -
brought ninety-fve dollars.
The London Methodist Times says:
zone of the favorite writers of Wales
is Methodist lady whose poetic contri-
buttons appear in various religious
papers nearly every week, to the in.
tense delight of thousands of readers.
Like Mrs. Stoves Uncle Toms Cabin,
some of the most charming poems are
written in the scanty moments which q
busy mother can seize from the cares ot
household and the claims of little
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
Cheating Uncle Sam on Paintings.

A new device has latterly been adopt
ed for cheating the custom-house out of
the thirty per cent. duty on paintings
imported from Europe. The American
purchaser of a foreign picture of value
sends it to painter in Paris-one gen.
orally who is under some pecmiary OBJ
legation to him and can not refuse the
service-and has him cover it upwith
''size." He then has him paint upon
this new sized surface more or less in
different picture. This is then brought
in at very low valuation as copy. 1t
is almost impossible to detect picture
'done up" in this way There is nothing
about it to attract suspicion. If the
custom-house authorities undertook to
apply tests and should ruin some honest
picture By mistake it might be very
serious matter for them. IN. Y. Herald
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
M,swAr ECONOMIES.
An Experiment which Was Not Altogether
"A SucCess,

success.
II never could see," briskly observed
Mr.. McSwat, as he leaned new pane
of glass 2sx36 carefully against the
wall, laid the sash containing the
broken pane on the dining-room table,
removed his coat and otherwise cleared
the decks for action, why any man
SHOULD pay glazier 81 bill for a job
u this kind when he can do 1T himself
at cost of less than half that figure.
Hand me thatcase-knife, Lobelia."
Mrs McSwat complied with his re-
quest and he began to dig out the hard
putty and bits of broken glass still re-
manning in the sash.
'These GLACIERS" hecontinued, "ain't
satisfied with a moderate profit. They
want to hog the whole thing. This
pane of glass cost me rs cents and these
three-cornered tin jiggers and this lump
of putty were thrown in A glazier
could have bought the outfit for so
eents and then he'd have made S150
for about twenty minutes work. Catch
me paying any such price! Lobelia,
take this putty and work it into ouchv'
Mr.. McSwat's casc-lGife had slipped
and his hand had collided violently with
piece of broken glass.
"Billiger you have cut yourself!"
exclaimed his wife.
"It's nothing, Lobelia," /" he said, "A
man may expect little scratch or two
4. L. - rIr ~ fli, 1rind TIKI 10
dinged putty comes out awful hard.
Gol-lee for gosh all snakes! There's an
other cash. Get me rag, quick! Don't
stand there with your fingers in your
mouth Do you want me to bleed to
death right here?"
"Don't work at it any more, Bill
GER" pleaded Mrs. McSwat. You'll cut
your hands all to pieces"
"Who's doing this job?" roared Bill
ger, as he wrapped his thumb in the
handkerchief his wife had given him.
"Stand out of my way!"
For the next half hour he pranced
about the table, digging out hardened
putty, prying out splinters of glass, and
varying the monotony of the exercise by
occasional remarks of paroxysmal and
incendiary nature.
At last, however, he had the sash
ready for the reception Of the glass.
"Lobelia," he called out, ''is the putty
ready?'
''Of course it is" she replied. 81
worked it till it was nice and soft and
put it on the table where you could get i
when you-O, Billiger! You've knocked
it down and trampled it all over my nice
rugw 60
"It'1l wash out, Lobelia," said Mr.
McSwat, reassuringly. And he gathered
up the putty and rolled 1t into luml
again. "Now I'll put the glass in. Any
body that can't put in pane of common
window glass" he went on, as he lifted
the pane and laid it down on the sash
mo matter how big it is, ought to be-
Crack!
'It's only corner, Lobelia 1t won
show. can fix all that SO it will"
Crack!
"Blame the everlasting dad-squiz
zled-"
Crash!
Smash!
Jingle!
BLANK the whole billy-be-dash
blanked business!"
Mr.. McSwat tumbled the remains o
his 2Sx36 pane of glass on the floor
jumped up and Gown on them ant
howled, while Mrs. McSwat retired t.
an upper room, locked the door, crawle,
under the bed and wept.
Mr.. Billiger McSwat the next da
paid five-dollar bill to glazier 70
doing the job, and told him in voice @
thunder to keep the change and b
hanged to him!-Chicago Tribune.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01
sbr, ID feel thankful, and she has two

ch, h,iren sick with hiccoughs.'
1t is left to be understood that the
Welshman then caught his teacher on
dark night and slew him with the jaw
bone of an ass and went back to Wales
to the unmolested enjoyment of his own
phonetic language, in which only one
letter, ''y," has more than one sound
philadelphia Times.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01

Some of the members of the Ameri-
can Dialect Society of Harvard College
are hunting up words that were in use
in various American localities in the
eighteenth century. In list of words
peculiar to New Jersey they include
sag explaining that its meaning
strictly is "a small load.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-05-01

Young Callow-"I say, fellow, I'm
great hurry. Give me two pounds
biscuitr' Clarkson formerly in
furnishing goodsl-''Yes, sir; ts'
elf, sir?--American Grocer.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1890-01-01
The Tariff and the Flood.

In fact, Mr.. Cleveland's published
letters all bear more or less directly,
and always admirably, upon his
tariff position, which isn't as much
importance as it once was-kansas
City Journal.
You think the tariff question not
very important, eh'
Do you happen to recall the iaci-
dent in which a stupid fellow re-
marked. at the time of the flood,
Get away with your old ark, this
isn't going to be much of a shower"
Great Scott, How it did rain after
that.-N. Y. Herald.