The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1890-01-18
euRperrs ON TIE aoAp.
sosae OF the Humorlsts erperisoeo. =. ,
Iaotur~~

Probably there Ia no occupation in the
world that gives q man such an easy
life and large profits as leoturing. I
don't suppose that six horses, bafnessed
abreast, could draw me from the plat
form. II is just like lolling around In =
June meadow, picking up gold doilaEs
instead OF buttercups. Now, last Tues
day night lectured in Granville, n. X.
didn't leave q dollar in the town. Next
morning l got up at &;4S O'Clock, eot
into q buggy, piled q vsiise weighing zoo
pounds--no, sir, won't take on one
ounce-on my feet, and drove eleven
miles through = pelting. driving rain
storm, over muddy roads 10 . station on
the d. and H. O., that has train five
times = year. At Granville thoy have
one every spring,
Do you know, some weeks, have eat
still In tho cars. one day after another,
from q. m. to 4, S,6oTT Tp. m, with
out moving, save ct meal timeP How 90
you suppose an active man, fond q walk
ing, enjoys that sort Of thingf It'S enough
70 drive = craven image mad with neF.
vousneas
pleasant conversation WithS--
Oh, can II Do you remember residing
about the remains Of . well dressed man
found in the Genesee river, who was SIP
posed to have fallen from en- Erie train
while passing Portage Falls3 Well, the
last time that man was seen aiive no had
lifted my 40 ton--"said 200 pounds 4
little while agon--I said tons both tines;
you can look back and ses--hs had lifted
my 500 ton valiss from my sat aud
crowded himaslf in ON me for wfat ha
called sc little chat" IentDy comTWEa-
tion, but not in boiler factogy. II you
were having = quiet conversation in
your parlor would you Ike tbs children
to come In and make As much RoiSo - .
railway train! trow not. Wei, I
dont like II either. The man who wastes
time trying 10 draw me into = ccnveEsA-
tion on q roaring, crashing, buKEing
railway train win get much bsttOr TO
suits, and quite ae pleasant ones - hiun-
self, II he will hold his naked eye ont Of
the window and look for cinders,
"But why don't l travel at night and
take the sleeperP' Because, iTnbecilo,
night is my time for work, and lecture
only in towns where the ulespeRS either
60 through in the afternoon on eho.ex-
pres trains don't stop. You might as
we'll ask the patriots to have thCir TORCH
Light processions in the morning. And
as for sleeping in = sleeper, could you
sleep In POUR bed at home II Il vas shout
a. Wide as q cofan and 2 fcet tFUn tIls
door and % incheo from Tho cotlina. with
pillows 25 inches square and q blAnkst II
3 inch felt, and somebody shook and
swung the bed all night and a tntEvals
freight train, blowing . whistle and
ringing bell, ran through the hall and
jumped down stairs, and once o. twice
in the night they pulled your h0use out
Of the lot and jammed II up agninst AN
other house, and just as y0u got eaimed
. truck inspector shoaald come under your
window and yell, "TEy your AMI" and
then some men should crawl under She
house and hammer and pound and
wrench at the joIsas for twenty minuacs,
and then the engineer should "try his
air" again, and the ruen under The hOuse
should yell "Whoopi" and thS man uIl-
der your window should yell, "WhooPl
Whoopeel Shut her on, BfifP And
then your house should groan and grunt
and bump. and then 90 roaring and
whiriing of down stroet S5 or 90 miles
an hour Could you sleept Wen, that's
sleeping car sluuOber 10 me. And, y0u
don't like TO occupy , room WITH any
ono else, do yout don't, too, Well.
now, suppose you had 8 hng, narrow
room, with 81 beds in, and 80 OF IS pec-
pie sleeping in them; 50 or % Pairs Of
boots and shoes-All sorts Of bcotS and
shoes, too-standing around tho room;
NOT less than twenty Enogers IN the or
cheStraf Well. that's sloeptnG car St1ns-
heF.-Robert J, Burdetts in BVOoklgn
Eagle.