Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-08-17
SAID IN FUN.

SAID IN FUN.
did he stand for office ?n sNo, be-
lieve he had to lie to get it.'-New YORK.
Herald.
Have you ever noticed in playing cards
that good deal depends on good deal?
Berkshire Ners
Misfortune and poverty bring ont the
good points of manufacturing his
elbows.-Burlington Free Press.
The criminal is open TO conviction, but
it doesn't take the law great while to
shut him up.-Elmira Aduertiser
Dolley-"Does your new watch keep
time, Goslin ?" Goslin-'I think it must,
for it never gives any away. | can't make
it run"
Emperor William is very fond of sar-
dimes. Queen Victoria dotes upon Wales.
Strange how tastes difier.-NerO York Com
mercial Advertiser.
A crusty old bachelor, when told that
"women made the best cashiers" replied
Eyes, and they make capital tellers, also"
|-CEicago Inter- Ocean.
"That was an appropriate flower Lord
Impecune wore when he was married to
Virginia Boodel" 81 had not heard of it.
What was to" IA marigold. "-HWpers
Bazar.
"a new female pursuit in the larger
cities is collecting bills" This is encour-
aging. The old female pursuit in the
larger cities was to run 'em up.-Norris-
topn Herald
Groom-"A ring around the moon is a
sign of rain" Bride (sweetly)-"And a
ring around woman's finger is the sign
OFF" Groom sadly )-"Reign." -Neg
York Racket.
A young woman at Madison, Ind, be-
ing frightened, screamed loudly and dis
located her jaw. And now all the mar
ried men in Madison are trying to brighten
their wives Omaha Bee.
"Give me a toboggan," he said to the
barman. "What do you ~ "Why,
whisky, of course. There's nothing like
it when mans going down hill to make
the descent lively" Philadelphia Times.
Mrs. Cumso- s'You've seen these dollar
dinner bills-of-fare in the household mag
azines?" Mrs. Fangle-"Yes, l got one
up tHc OluSi QdN. 1lOM ulu IL
cost" ''Three dollars and half
Puck.
Mistress (recently elevated -"Oh,
Mariew Maid-"Yes, ma'am" Mistress
-"Don't forget to order in some pink
afternoon tea from the grocers. / hear
it's all the rage in high ety."-Ame1i-
can Grocer.
He-"Man is the only animal that
laughs, but it isn't necessary for you to
laugh all the time." She-'Man is also
the only animal that smiles, but it isn't
necessary forge to smile as often as you
do."-Bostonian.
aid you say your son was studyin'
law ?" asked Mrs. McGurley of her cousin.
Eyes; why did you ask ?' "Why, | no.
ticed quite number of his books entitled
digests and l thought maybe it was medi-
cine he was takin' too."- Washington Post
as this the fast train % inquired pas
senger in the spacious depot of the Bust
rayle and Jerkwater Railroad. "You bet
it is" replied the conductor cts a
mighty fast train till it runs off the track,
and then it will be fast in the ditch."-
Light
Husband newly married )-"Don't you
think, love, if were to smoke it would spoil
the curtains ?" Wife-"Ahl you are really
the most unselish and thoughtful husband
to be found anywhere; certainly it would"
Husband-"Then take the curtains down."
Chatter.
Wife Ia heavy weight)-"I think
might win prize as well as that hateful
Mrs. Defthand if l tried" Husband "a
brute )-"Pm sure you would in the proper
place." Wife eagerly )-"What place %
Husband (icily)- cattle show."-New
York Press
New York Herald: cit wouldn't be
fashionable, don't you know ?" said the
sweet summer girl; "out of season." GLOW?
1t is always fashionable to elope," said the
respondent lover. 'Oh, no. This is the
season of the cantelope" And the lover
frightened and thanked his stars.
Ex-turfman-"Pm done with the race
track" Clergyman-"What, my friend,
have you at last seen the sinfulness of the
business Ex-turfman-"I have" Cler-
gyman-"What has brought about the
changer Ex-turfman-'I have lost the
knack of picking the winner."-New York
Press.
Anxious mother-"I want an order to
send my daughter to an insane asylum for
treatment. She is going to marry man
thirty years older than herself" Judge
"Why, madam, girls marry old men every
day, and are not considered insane" Anx-
ious mother-"Yes, but the old man my
daughter wants to marry is poor."-New
York Weekly.
1t is strange that the English language
has different significance at sea from
that which it has on land" observed
Snaggs. ''Oh, it hasn't" replied Mrs.
Snaggs, very positively. "No? Then
when a Captain of vessel ships a crew
what does ne do?" Engages sailors for
voyage" Exactly. And when you ship
your cook, do you engage her ?'-Phtsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
MIDSUMMER MEDLEY.
with sickle gather in the waiting grain"
And kiss the maids while comm thro' the
rye;
1.-THE patient oxen draw the freighted VAIN
But often wait until the clouds rall Bye
where shadows lie far from the sultry air"
Breathes forth the wall ssOver tho uordoy,