The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1890-12-30
THE PHARISEES,
Who Thanked God They Were Not
As Other Men.
An expose by the Nevada Democrat.

They were a peculiar people, and
their name signifies divisions or sep
arstion. They were not successful
town boomers, but they took the cake
and what cold pie there was in the Gel
lar, as fault finders.
They weIe very straight backed and
tight laced in their religious trsdit-
tions, in fact they took more stock in
formal Phariseeism than they did in
Gods word and we're severely rebuked
often times by the lowly Nazarene
for their shallow breasted and stiff
necked orthodoxy
They were very proud. When a
Phsrisee was elected to congress, none
of his constituents could see him with
without first sending up their card.
There were no Sockless Simpsons a
mong them. They wore their stock
ings two inches higher than their rnb-
Der boots aud always fastened them
up with a crupper.
They were very cove.ous. They
used 10 walk over the mountains from
Jerusalem to Jericho, 10 miles to
save railroad fare. Tbs vas several
years before the Nevada and FL Dor
ado Springs road was built.
There were very superstitions in
their beliefs. The y used to fish and
serve on the city council with the
Sadducees, but they would have no
truck with the latter sect when it
came to religion. The Sadducess be-
lieved a man died like a horse and
that was the end of him, while the
PLarisees believed in some kind of a
future although they were temporarily
ratified as to what that future might
DO. Some believed in d haven of
rest for The soul of the good, while
others believed in kind of tran smig-
ration of the soul of one good man TO
that Of onother. They thought the
souls of the wicked were forever con-
demned to prisons of darkness.
They were base hypocrites and
talked to much. They often went
without their dinners for several days
and their prayers were longer than
Josh LaDue's tariff speech.
While they used TO help a tramp
occasionally, their self love stuck out
like rose wart on a COW, and their
aims were rather accounted against
them than for them.
The Phsrisees were stuck on them
selves. The Saviour compared them
unto white sepulchers which appeared
beautiful on the outside, but within
were full of dead mems bones and
uncleanliness.
They were all New England high
protectionists, for they used to worship
the gold more than the temple and
the gift more than the sltar.
They were fastidious cusses. They
were very fond of brandy, sugar aud
pounded ice with little mint julep
on the side.
They would gag and strain at a
gnat and swallow a street csr niue
quicker than tramp printer could eat
a cold pie.
While they looked slick and toggy
on the outside, they never changed
their underclothes until they had to
get a new salt.
There was more general cussedness
to the square inch in the Pharisees'
make up than any other class that
ever lived. They used to even rob
their own parents. They would get
the old man to deed them the land,
then kick HIM out, not with vicious
kick like you would give a COW. a
tramp or book agent, but kind of
supercilious, sanctimonious, hypocrit-
ical swing of the leg, and SIS their toe
would strike the part of the old gen.
tleman that touches the sofa first, they
would say PA, l would like to
help you, aud am feeling for you,
but this is dedicated to God, and you
had just as well messy over the hill
to the poor house"
What despicable, hypOcriIical, relig
ious cranks they were, ard how the
used to scorn the serpents
and vipers and ask them how they ex-
pecled TO escape the damnation of
hell.
They were fearful kickers. They |
wouldn't have given 81. so for a new
railroad to Jerusalem If they owned |
four books of business houses and !
the building of the road would have !
increased the rent on each room $50 |
a month. They were a short sighted
set and used TO gossip about the Saw
ior because he healed sick man on
Sunday.
The Jerusalem Pharisees would |
borrow the band wagon occasionally |
and 90 over to Jerico and give a con-
cert for the benefit of the yellow fever !,