Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1890-03-07
BISMARCK WEEKLY TRIBUNE: FRIpAY. MARCH ! 1890

BIS
held in your pocket another piece of pape,
called a ".pass" which cost you not a cent.
stituents a fortune?
Have you made a "moral record" at the
expense of your candOr and the loss
of 100000 per year to the people?
Have you been sincere? Are you obey
ing the wishes of a majority of your con-
s~tituents or the dictates of fear and doubt,
twin breeders of dishonesty?
Oh, playful and uncertain statesman, the
"moral" music which has swelled forth
from the orchestra Of the righteous" and
which you have mistaken for the dulcet
echo of the paradisean Tyre is but the
seductive harmony Of the earthly band.
Go study, the musicians who have
played that familiar old tune Of warning,
"lmmorality," and you will find that the
"~trombone" has his hand in the cornet-
lists pocket; the cornetist is winking at the
blonde in the choir; the "tuba" is wonder
ing if he a get a 3.per-cent,a q, month
mortgage Oh the home of the farmer who
is listening to the music, and the drum
And while you are in the sanctlty of
your honest meditation, dear solon, re-
member that he who commits no crime
against the good of society or the honor
OF man, who deprives not his fellowman of
what is r~ightfully his, is not immoral and
you are true to your social and spiritual
obligations, you will have a clear con-
science, and with a light heart within your
breast and q lottery ticket in. your pocket
you may glide serenely down the stream
Of time.
Lotteries are mentioned in this brief
Sunday sermon as we have been taught to
speak respectfully Of the dead.
AT LAST.
After months OF struggling with ordi.
nary measures and laws of little moment
to the state, the senate has at last risen to
the Importance of the great crisis that has
been threatening obstruction to the state.
and passed a bill providing for a board of
examiners to examine piano tuners. What
could be more pleasing to the progressive
world? How our modern civilization will
applaud the grand young state and how the
great minds of the continent will crowd to
the lore to endorse the piano tuning bill.
Now if the legislature will pass a law max
ing 1t a criminal otfense for the amateur
vlollnist to tune his fiddle" within a mile
OF any habitatiOn, and provide for the
tuning of certain choirs and home talent
opera companies, we will feel that Justice
is beginning to show signs of life.
DUE
Acknowledgement Goodwin, the gay and
ocular law officer of the state, has finally
recognized the request OF the senate for an
opinion as to the proper procedure to COM
pei the appearance of witnesses before
the investigating committee. He sent q
communication to the senate yesterday in
forming that body that the best way to
compel the presence of witnesses is to pro-
coed by due process Of law. This is
probably n of the most brilliant
attorney general to the people Of a state
through their chosen representatives.
There has been much speculation as to
how the talented Goodwin won so high
and conspicuous a place at the bar Of the
state, but it is all explained now. He is a
man OF few words; He scorns long
the lasting admiration OF his clients
by the promptness with which in rendering
an opinion he comes to the point. When a
man employs him and pays him his re-
tainer as has the state, he retires to his
office where in a quiet, dignlfied manner he
awaits developments. When, after days of
waiting, the man goes to him for advice as
to procedure the learned Inc imperious
Goodwin assumes his most ma.
jestic attitude and in deep sepul-
chral tones informs the trembling client
that in all probability the wisest thing for
him to do, as to proceed by due process of
law Then the man goes out, and while
he kicks himself through an alley, ex-
claims: what a derned fool 1 am. l
might nave known that without exposing
my lgnorancew In all probability the
man will return and give the able coun-
sellor an extra fee for having so ~inexcus-
ably intruded upon his time,
IT the legislature does not take off its hat
TO Acknowledgement Goodwin, beg his par
don for having annoyed him with ques-
tons OF legal procedure and proceed at
once "by due process of law" to increase
hls salary, it is a most unappreciative body
When a man is so obviously elected as
an ornament to the personnel Of the state
ticket tor dress parade purposes, the legis-
lature should recognize the fact and not
expose its ignorance by requesting him to
work.
Bravo, Goodwin! Hit ZEN again.
ON TIL SIDE.
The l75th round between the legislature
and Acknowledgement Goodwin yester-
day, was one of the most interesting since
"Time" was first called. When they are
next called from their corners" it is ex-
pected that some close in-fighting will be
seen.
Representative McCormick's election as
treasurer of w. H. Barretts Forestry
Meteorological Astronomical %Phrenologi-
cal-Hifalutinal society is a distinct victory
for the statesman from Devils Lake. 1t is
rumored that if other means is not pro-
vided, Mr.. Mccormick will furnish money
from the society's treasury to provide seed
wheat for the farmers and pay the per
diem Of the members and officers of the
legislature.
Congratulations on the passage of the
piano tuning bill are pouring in on the
state senate from all parts Of the country.
Some are of the opinion that the provis-
ions Of the bill requiring the examina-
ton OF piano tuners should be added to the
constitution of the United States, so that
all doubts as to the safety of the country
may be banished.
The woman suffrage question will be
discussed in the house on Tuesday and
those who have observed the symptoms
among the orators of that body are taking
to the woods.
BENTLEY'S ALARM.
Mayor Bentley and O. P. M. Jamison,
two of Bismarck's most valiant warriors,