The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-08-15
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


-He-"Is not that FREELY over yon-
der tree?" She (wearied) ''No; it's
the morning star, l should imagine. -
Harper's Bazaar. f.
Even misfortune is not always I'M
fortunate. A man with bad breath
never has to elbow his way through a
crowd.-Ram's Horn.
The young man just out Of school
advertises for position" but after six
months of hustling he is mighty glad to
get LOB. Puck.
Mr.. Bipps - THAT medicine took
this morning makes me feel like another
man." Mrs. Bipps - ''Well, hope to
goodness you are. It is time. Epoch.
is getting caught unhealthy, Nam
ma? asked the little fish. Not always,
my son. I've known several of our
tribe who increased fifty per cent in
weight after they had been caught
Jury.
She - Isn't it a nuisance? I can't
see anybody on the stage. I'm so short
sighted" He-'Why don't you use the
opera-glasses?" She-"How can I? l
forgot to put on my diamond bracelet"
jury.
Mr.. REHABILITATION pretty Miss
Beauti looks tonight" Rival Belle
Eyes. How miserably poor the electric
lights have become lately. They are
DINNER than gas."-N. Y. Weekly.
How" said Mrs. Newrich, ''can we
make the invitations to our balls par
ticularlY stylish?" iii tell you," an
swered her husband. 'instead of putting
two-cent stamps on them We'll put ten
centers, eh?"-Philadelphia Times.
1t is said to be hard sometimes to
distinguish between the effects of
dyspepsia and religion; sometimes it is
equally hard to tell whether young
man is suffering from indigestion or
from disappointment in love. -Somer-
vile Journal.
As curious item of information to
those athirst for knowledge it may
be mentioned that man is the only
animal that eats cloves and lemon peel.
He does not like either, but in that
spirit of sacrifice peculiar to him he
does it for his wife's sake.-Philadel-
phia Times.
-Wife-"You do not speak to me as
affectionately as you used, to George. l
think you have ceased to love me-"
Husband There you are again!
Ceased to love you! Why, love you
better than my life. Now shut up and
let me read my paper. boston Cour-
Ter.
Mrs. Michigan Avenue (of Chicago)
Il would like you 10 engrave MY coat
of arms on the seal of this ring"
Jeweler-''Yes, madam. What does it
consist of?' Mrs Michigan Avenue
"Ah! | leave the selection entirely to
you; only put lot of lions in it and
charming dragon or two. "-Jeweler's
Circular
-Dignified Citizen-''No, sir. can't
understand this taste for circuses. Look
at the crowds that have gathered this
morning to see the tawdry parade"
Observation-Disclosures, and you know it
isn't coming down this street. The line
of march has been changed" Dignified
Citizen-''You don't say, and here I've
been standing an hour. 1t is an outrage!
Which street is it coming down? Thanks!
I'll Just get there in time. America.
"A good deal of energy is fooled away
in getting up statistics that never do
anybody any good. AS, for example,
think of the amount of figuring neces-
sary to make known the fact that there
is one lawn-mower in this country for
each thirty-seven persons, when you
found it out long ago without putting
pencil to paper, if you have machine
of your own and live in a neighborhood
where grass abounds. RAMS Horn.