The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-01-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

The more YOU tip a waiter the better
he preserves correct.perpendicula
Rome Sentinel.
The scientist says an absolute vacuum
can not exist, and yet the dude lives
Teras Sytings.
Ginger is now an explosive article,
and yet everybody is familiar with the
ginger snap.-Boston Post.
1t is said that smacking the lips is a
vulgar habit. Much depends on whose
lips you smack.-BostoE Weekly.
The less woman believes in a man
the greater the respect he is apt to feel
toward 1IitUa4kee Journal.
1t is paradoxical, to say the least,
| that the higher classes are the lore
classes, and the lower hire.-Lawrence
| american.
When married woman goes out to
| look after her rights her husband Is
usually left at home with his wrongs
| Boston Courier.
No" said the Doodle Alderman, II
shall not lend my vote to such thiey-
ing scheme" And he didn't lend it.
He sold it.-T6 Speubinder.
Some people who pride themselves
upon their frankness seem to think
that frankness consists in freely say
ing unkind things. S0merciLle Jour
nal
Some one writes, ''Who is Browning,
the poet?" We don't know who is
browning the poet, but the critic is
frequently roasting him.-Ieras Syt-
ings.
Editor and Persistent Writer-'.Now,
if you'll promise me on your honor
never to send me anything more of
yours, I'll print this poem. "-Ftiegersde
Biatter.
She (between the acts -"Where are
you going?" He-''Out to see a man
for moment" Shells he going to
buy it, or are you?"-Phtladetphia In
quirer.
Jaggs-'Does Rags owe you any
money!" Baggs-No, why?" Jaggs
u thought maybe he did. He seems
to dislike you so much. Philadelphia
Inquirer.
They are going to have smokeless
powder in the navy. That's all very
well, but the crying need of the hour
is a smokeless cigarette. -PhttadeiDhia
Inquirer.
To husbands who think of remar-
rying too hastily after the demise of
their first: Ring the bell softly,
there's Grape on the door. "-Bo.ston
Transcript.
Gracious exclaimed Mrs Mala-
prop. Il read in the papers of Con
gresham at large | do hope they'll
capture him before he does any harm. y
N. 7. Sun.
A fortunate stock broker when asked
if be owed his success to being long or
short of the market replied: 1T was
neither; | think it was because | was
square. ''-BoSton Bulletin
Tell me candidly, old fellow, why
you don't marry" IF you must know,
because | don't want to lose the hope
of finding a perfectly delightful little
wife. n-FIiege1ade Blatter.
20, how l envy the man to whom
you are waving your handkerchief. :"
Just take the next train, Mr.. Jones,
and | will do the same to you with
pleasure. n-F2iege,sde Batter.
A company has been organized in
the South to pay jeff Davis debts 1t
might extend its operations 50 as to
include other people without making
them enemies for e.-R0c1eSte1' Post
ETpreSS.
Il never object to my wife going to
my pockets, - said Jaggs. Whereupon
Baggs laughed q hollow, hooking
laugh as full Of significance as small
boys pocket is of old junk. Pbjladct-
phia Inquirer.
Mr.. Newlytied-''I can see that baby
will be great society leader when he
grows up" Mrs. Newlytied delight
edo, do you? Why?" Mr.. New
ly tied-''He gives bawl every night
Toledo Blade
How provoking it is when you want
to give vent to your temper by slam
ming a mans office door behind YOU,
to have one of those air arrange
ments close it for you never so gently.
berkshire NeUs
I'D have you to know" said Cholly
Van Antwerp, that my reputation is
as dear to mo as any ones can be to
him." Il should Judge that it cost
good deal to get a reputation like
yours. ~. Y. San.
Have you any paper collars?n he
asked, as he sidled into the store on
tiptoe. Certainly, SIR replied the
affable clerk. Will one be enough?
How is everything in East St. LOUISE"
-Clottier and f'arnisber.
Tailor calling doctor)-'.Here is
this bill of So that | have called on YOU
half a dozen times about, and this is
my last visit STRIP Doctor-.That's
right, sir. l charge dollar visit
and we'll now call it square. y Cl0thie7
and FUrniSher.
A farm journal asks: "Why do the
young rush TO the towns and cities?''
The answer is easy enough. 1t is be-
cause they are anxious to get there
And the fact that there are no farms in
the city may have something to do with
it,-N Y. Ledger,
Mrs. Sowders Mrs. Jones told me
this afternoon that burglars broke into
the church last night and took every
thing they could lay their hands upon
Rev. Snowden somewhat absent
minded Did they take a collection?n
kearney Enterprise.
well, my dear, we should be COM
Portable enough here. Stationary tubs.
stationary washstands, hot and cold
water, and all modern improvements.
es (dejectedly), John, that's all very
nice, but where is the stationary DOM
estic?"-Scri6ner's Monthly.
Missionary ITO eonvartad oanpihan
You remember Dr. Marrowfat. |
presume. He was a good man. !
never learned what became of him."
Cannibal-''1es; DIR. Marrowfat was a
good man-rich and juicy, but just a
leetle stringy. ~. Z. San.
Papa" said boy much given to
reading, Il have often seen the phrase,
all right-thinking people, in the pa
pers. What kind of people are right
thinking people?" They are the sort