Los Angeles herald., 1890-11-10

in view of the time have lost here, you
would loan me quarter until next pay
day, shall repair forthwith to the Chi
nese restaurant / see at no great dis
tance and satisfy the cravings of stom-
ach as empty as my purse
The major laughed very good natur-
edly and loaned me half until next
pay day"
yet to see him a general when am Sir
John Buck"
A collection was taken up for the fu-
ture grandee of the Sandwich islands,
which footed up 1923 and three coat
buttons. Somebody accused the under
takers assistant of having taken quar-
ter out of the hat while he put in q
nickel, but the matter was compromised
by the boss hunting up pair of pants
that had belonged to a late lamented
party. They fitted Sir John finely, and
he discarded his military breeches. He
then sang 'Grandfather's Clock" to
prove his gratitude, and left to take a
bath, which he said he was in the habit
OF taking twice year, whether he
needed it or not.
The undertaken who had been work
ing the growler a couple of times, now
felt that he had right to the floor for
a while.
"Boys," says he, "undertakers, as a
class. Is the most honestest people un-
der the sun. l callate that black
sheep is the most rarest thing you ever
did saw in that perfeshing of ourn. But
VIZ un, n hn1 la -. l,I
'un. had man here onct, no better
one for all the technique of the busi-
ness-shavin', embalmin', dressin'
lookin' mournful like; you'd a. thought
it was his own mother he was agoin' to
plant. First class mug for a funeral.
Nothin' to complain as far as business
was consarned. but if he could rob a
dead man he'd do it. By gosh, he would
that.
II disremember how long ago it was.
He had gone to pick up a sud-
dint death near the daypo. Two
or three fellers was along of him.
When they reaches Cape Horn saloon
one on 'em says, says he, Bill, aint yer
goin' for to set 'em up?' Bill says as
how he didn't have no money, but, says
he, We'll stop the kerridge and if the
stiff has any stuff We'll booze. So Bill
coolly takes off the tarpauiin, feels all
through the diseased's pockets and
finds half. They ties up the horses
and Bill sets 'em up. Yere is nerve for
you!
''Nuther time, he goes for little ole
man, as had died in cheap lodging
house with all his clothes on. Bill he
thinks that there feller is poor, has no
friends and, says he Guess this yere'll
be county job Somehowerother the
ole feller had friend. He comes in and
says: Give my old pard ten dollar
shroud, fifteen dollar box, one kerridge,
and yere is 500 fer to pay the damage.
bill takes off the old gents working
clothes, fixes him up beautiful in his
shroud, combs his hair and
makes him look like gentle
man, which l cal'late he never
did in his lifetime. The old clothes is
thrown in box in the yard, and Bill
never so much as looks through them to
find valuables. In course, nobody ex-
pected to find anythin' but muck,
matches or tobacco in them clothes.
"a couple of days arteI this, in walks
little ole oman with a sunbonnet on
her head. Didn't you bury man here
two days ago by the name of Jake Ma
ple?' says she. In course we did, SAYS
I. I'D like to have look at them old
clothes of his'n; / am his widder.'
Bill tells my assistant, get them
clothes outen the yard for this yere old
'oman.'
''Bill he growled, but he gets them all
the same. The ole 'oman picks up the
overalls, pulls out a pin that closed the
fob pocket, and outen that very pocket
comes $130 in greenbacks. I'd like
to hev died, lookin' at Billie
face. The ole woman gives us
a kind goodbye, but that there Bill was
ondisposed for MORN a week. All!
All! Ah!"
Everybody laughed so heartily at the
old mans yarn that the tin bucket made
another trip to the beer hall.
"We had fine lark here sometime
ago." he continued after everyone had
buried his nose in the bucket, with one
of you ie,,,er reporters. You all knows
him, and maybe some Of you was called
to the inkwidge we held on hila. He
was what cher may call 'bilin'. Purity
ooOu liz SOSc W SiSSp. Mc anu Dill anu
the other boys, we picks him up and
puts him in the back room, on a
stretcher, and covers him with white
cloth. We crossed his hands on his
breast, puts little rags over his eyes, as
natchal as if he'd been dead. No
snorin', no nothin'. Then we telephoned
to all the noospapers to say as how we
had reporter here as had died suddint-
like. Oh! but they came af1ockin' in
like crows at barbecue, when there's
nothin' but bones left. We took
the boys into the back room and showed
them the beautiful corpse. Onfortun-
ately the burned cuss started in to
sneeze, and that gave the job away,
but
At this moment one of the reporters,
who had shown signs of uneasiness
since the beginning of the last story, got
up with disgusted look on his face,
and whistling to his yellow dog, walked
out, muttering several words, the most
prominent of which was "Damn!"
RIMETAII JCM