The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1890-05-07
WIT AND HUMOR.


Is it not odd that our fondest rrcoi'
lections should be about wasted "np't.
tunities?-AShland Press.
How little and dried up the chc">':
appears to the rat after he is caught IN
the trap.-Atchisoa Globe.
The strength of women lies IN ti'e't
accurate knowledge of the weaknesses
of men.-Sonnerville Journal.
Wickwire-"By the way, what party
do you belong to?" N. PecA-My
wife" ."-Terrs Hauts E1press.
It is as easy to tell the truth to Your
wife as to tell lie, but it is not aiw"ys
80 expedient.-Bostor' Courier.
She-"What makes you have sic" "a
poor opinion of the medical fraternity:
He-.t'm a doctor myself. .''-E."o'".
The man who depends upon WAGES
will get rich sooner than the man "h"
depends upon wagers-Bosto" A>'f'''.
Dress shirts for Iowa and N"rth
Dakota wear will this season be made
with hip pockets, half-pint size.
land Press.
MIR. Gould's Adirondack lake Is to be
atocked with trout. The suckersarc 10
be slowly but surely pulled OUT. 4.
Commercial.
Pallette-"Has young Dauoer any
artistic ability?" Mahlstlck-"ell,
I've seen him draw cork with great
success. ."-Lye.
4 genuine bibliophile is a rich man
who cares a great deal more for books
than be does for what is in them
So7nerviIle Journal.
The Temple of Isis was not az ice
cream saloon, as some have supposeo.
Il was sort of creme de la creme
saloon of worship.-N. \. Commercial.
Angeline-"Do you believe that love
flies out of the window when poverty
comes in at the door?" Howard-"H
it does it goes out for divorce.
Time.
When the poet wrote of the break
inc waves he undoubtedly had In
mind the seaside resort and the grasp
inc summer hotelkeeper.-hear''ey
Enterprise.
Jos;e-"Can Mr.. Hugg drive with
one hand, Ethcl?" Ethel-"No." Josie
Mot much fun driving with HIM
then" Ethel-''O, yes there IS l
drive. Epoch.
Couvict-..I started out in life to
walk the narrow way" The Rev.
.Well?" Convict The
world switched me off on siding. =
BRAKES Magazine.
Women are proverbially curious, but
the Girl who gets love letter with one
of the new stamps on the envelope
never stop to look at the stamp
Some7vtlle Journal.
You are here for safe burglary, l
believe?" remarked the prison VISITOR
to an inmate. Nav" replied the
latter. II thought it was safe, but 1t
wasn't."-N Y. Sun.
A woman begins to find beauty IN a
man as soon as he shows that ne likes
her. but a man never discovers that a
woman has freckles until he has mar
ried her.-Atehisoas Globe.
Belle (suddenly)-''pm afraid all
| this talk about students is rather frlyo-
lous for Sunday" May (easily)-'O'
but they're all theological students, you
know."-Rarper'S Bazar.
..Fido ate the canary yesterday.
..Ate the canary! What did you do te
him?" I'VE gave him some pepsln
moor thing! You know he isn't used te
such strong diet. "-PucS.
Ted-..Was it hard to tell Miss Prin
YOU loved her?" Ned-''Not very
The hard part came in a month later
when | had to tell her l had made
mistake. ."-Harpsr's Da-Ar.
Father Cat foot OF stairs)-"Bill
didn't YOU hear me call you two hou1'
ago?" Bill-"Yes, but | can't sct
YOU, father" Father--'Well, then
| IN come up aud raise you. ."--Ioledt
Blade.
MlnnIe-..I was just gong to tell yo,
something heard Jennie Watts sayin!
about YOU, but l can't recollect it.
Mamie-"O, well, it was nothing bad
or you never would have forgotten it.
| -4cT7e t1%%tS CL"eoS'
How beautifully soft it is, he mur
INJURED, laying his hand on her gloriou:
white arm. How less beautiful, but
Oh so much softer" she tenderly re-
piled, laying her jeweled hand on the
top of his venerable head. Washington
Star.
This is where we cast our cannon, :"
said the polite attendant. How inter.
estingr said the sweet girl. And
where do you blow your great guns?
I've heard yachting friend of mine
speak of that so often. .''-Harpe''s
Bazar.
Lawyer-'.Did you ever notice any
signs Of insanity in the defendant?'
Witness-''Only on one occasion. a
passenger picked up dollar in horse
car one day and he was the only man
on board who said he hadn't lost it,
Epoch.
Mrs. Hayseed-..What's all that
hooting and yelling ou the road this
time Of night? Mrs. Pitchfork-'The
Prohibition Committee had thei1
monthly meeting tonight at Farmer
Apples, and guess he set up the hard
cider."-E Y. Weekly.
Clara Van Strickland what did
papa say?" Alfred Sellers (sighiug)- -
He said: What! You? Why, III
boot you downstairs before III let YOU
marry my daughter!" Clara Van
Streek {prscticaD-"And of course
you let him-and now l am yoM4
AlfyE'--N. !. Sun. ~YS
Friend-'How are you coming I'd ~
Author-'.Good. rye:got the material
on hand for hrst-class novel" You
are lucky man" That's not all;
I've got the material for a splendid
comedy besides" You are fortunate. y
"Yes, all l need now is the material fol
a new pair of pants. "-Ieras Sytings.
1t way wideawake Buffalo boy