The Forrest City times., 1890-09-13

of getting oil joke or q strcet-car.-- 1cyre Hau,e Express.
 The queen of all bees is the husking bee. You can distinguish her by her red ear. .-LotceH Citizen.
 The difference between a liar and q hypocrite is that the liar is not always incurablc. - Washington Star.
 There are some men to whom loss of their rcputations would mean mighty good luck. -- Washington Post.
 Sometimes tho lover who is fired with passion for the daughter is put out by the father. Patsbarg DiSpatch.
 The easiest money to spend and the have not yet carned.--N. r Ledger.
 Bessie--"Did you miss your first husband very much?n Lulu Mot until after married my second. - Tho Epoch.
 You may not have noticed It. but you will find that the man who shakes hands thc hardest Is the hardest to shakc.-- RichmoHf Recorder.
 Briggs -"I did not see you at church last Sunday" Braggs gs--"No; didn't get in until you had gone to sleep. "-- 4erre Hauts Express.
 It is settled fact tha, few people can practice what they prcaeh--a and most men don't darc preach what they practice. -~Ash!dnd Press.
 Odd. isn't it. that among tho German and colorcd harbers there are no Clan ua-t,acl men, though they are all head scentersP-M Merchant IraceIer.
 Tho mouse that gets caught in trap ran never be so young that it's friends will not say il was old enough to have known be-er. - Afchisoa Globe.
 A Bare Snppositiou: Mrs. Egg What State k the Cherokee Strip in. dear?n Mir. figg-''A state of nature. l suppose. "-- 7erre Haate Express.
 Reversing the Process. Widow with six children tto suitor) --'You love me. George, and ask mo to hc your wifes We'll then, ask my children. "-N I. Iribaac
 The good are said 10 be happy; but it is probably not because they spend their time thinking how much better they are than the rest of humanity Boston Transcript
 And you say you would die for me pr "narling. 1 would with delight. Y Then give me that test of your alice. ton and will never wed another" "-- P,ttsbarg DaspafcA.
 These cigars only cost a cents. ' said Wifey. "so! Why there are least a hundred different scents to each cigar" returned Hubby, and N fey wept.-N |. Commercial
 A Miss Tariy of Boston has sued ' Dr. Early of the same city for breach oi promise of marriage. A Tardy mis: can never expect to catch the Early worm. Psorta Transcript.
 "Yes. we two boys were thrown to gether good deal when We went te school in the country." 'In the sam' class. eh?" No; we rode the sam, mule. "" Det-oa Freq Press.
 Minnie How did you enjoy tn, playP' Mamie Not bit. IL turnes out to be q pantomime, and all the talk ing VIC could do didn't annoy any bod d bit. "- Ierre Hautc Express.
 Il seem very popular with you fathers dog, said Herbert to Mabel 'lndeed?n Yes. the last time trics to take my leave he did his best |, detain me. "- Washington Post.
 Mcfingle-"I am going to fit up card-room. What sort of tables woul, you advise me 10 getsn MeFangle- w hats the matter with plain. square deal ones "-- Ldmrenee Anacrieaa.
 Benevolent Lady-''I have been try ing to find tho Old Ladies Home. hi is it. isn't it?n Doortender-- No madam. This is the stage door of tn, Spectacular Theatcr. N I. Weekiu
 Erratic Genius--'I never use a note book to jot down my ideas. I find i handler to make notes on my cuffs. ' His Friend (after glance at the cuffs What with? Chalk". 7crve Haat Express.
 Pessmistic Auditor Cat q concerD- Seems to me that is mighty shor program, considering the price the' charge" Optimistic Auditor-.'O. W, can easily get the worth of our money Just encore everything. ."--N. l. Week iy.
 The Rev. Mir. Slim--.'You must re member. my young friend. that tn soul is the body's guest " Rowe Bus Hooking him oyer)--s'Well. it mus sometimes make very impolite reflee tons on the accommodations. n-7 7ogy Iaftis.
 There are grave fears of au iusurrec ton in Spain owing to the King havin. reached the age at which his saving strike his mother as worthy of repeti ton. The strain upon the loyal sub leets is said to be too great for them ,s bear. --Lye.
 She e--'I dreamed last night that l was the most beautiful woman in tn, world, Mir. Noodly." He (stupidl, thoughtless) That's just the way, Miss Fwanees don't YOU know. Dweams always go by contwawies. n- Wdshingtoa Star.
 He had come home little late and she delivered the usual feminine ora. tion. He turned on his pillow and as he drowsed of: Matches made in Heaven seem to me to have just as much birthstone on 'cm as the other kind. "- Merchant 7rareisr.
 He las brcakfastl -"I shall never ask yon again what you do with your pin my desrn She-.'Why not. llenryw He-'I have found ont. | stepped on about six hundred of the tarncd things when I got home last night "--Lascrsnee American.
 Impassioned Orator = And today we stand in proud preemineuce, whiic he world looks on amazed at the thrill ling spectacle of a government of the people. by the people. and for the peo- pie Who are the peoplep" Grand .horus by the Practical Politicians-- We arc. "--zsrvs Hasts Ezprsss.