The Republican., 1890-05-10
THEY STAYED AT HOME.
Why Mr.. and Mrs. McSwat Were Not at
Church One Sunday Morning.

Why Mr.. and Mrs. McSwat Were Not at
Church One Sunday Morning.
eff you don't hurry up, Lobelia,"
urged Mr.. McSwat, as he tidgeted about
in front of the mirror, trying to find a
necktie that would harmonic with his
mustache, well be late to church. l
never could understand" he protested,
accidentally stepping on the cat and
causing a howl that raised the nap on
his spring (of 1SSS) overcoat; 81 never
could understand-scat, you yowling
beast!-why it takes a woman so long to
dress. Lobelia, what have you done
with my cuff-buttons? Where the Sam
Hill are those cuff-buttons?"
81 think, Billiger, they are"
''Lobelia don't try to talk with your
mouth full of hair-pins. Where are the
cuff-buttons? If you want me to go to
church with you this morning you'll
have to turn up those blooming, idiotic
cuff-buttons."
"Iave you looked in the soiled cuffs
you took off last night, Billiger?" in
quired Mrs. McSwat, calmly adjusting
her frizzes.
Billiger had not. He hunted up the
! cuffs and found the buttons.
''If you knew they were there why
| didn't you say so?" he demanded, in an
injured tone, as he sat down hard on q
chair and proceeded to put in the but
tons, telescope the cuffs on his shirt
Sleeves and slide them back and forth
till the focus seemed to be about right.
81 shall be ready for church, Mrs. Nc
Swat" he continued, majestically, sin
about two minutes. How long do you
intend to keep me waiting?'
81 have nothing to do, Billiger," an
swered Mrs. McSwat, giving few fin
| ishing dabs to her front hair, except to
put on my bonnet and gloves"
"Well, where's the bonnet" vocifer-
ated her husband, as he jumped up,
| ierked on his coat, smoothed his silk
hat, secured his cane, gloves and over
coat, and sat down again. ''Trot out the
miraculous bonnet, Lobelia. haven't
seen it yet. Where is it?"
81 brought it down a few minutes
ago replied Mrs. McSwat, who was
| looking about with evident anxiety,
i ''and laid it down here, but l don't see
it. thought put it on chair"
"On-on a chair, Lobelia?" echoed
Mr.. McSwat, feebly, dreadful sus-
picion crossing his mind. ,e .-,..
"Yes. Can it be-why, Billiger, you
surely wouldn't-O, o, O!'she screamed.
''See what you have done"
For Billiger had risen to his feet and
was looking in silence at the chair on
which he had been sitting.
Tharo on tho cant u-nra tho Shnd
| remains of once glorious bonnet. 1t
was fattened, shapeless mass, even
more hideous in it's ruin than it had
been in its original grandeur.
''Lobelia," said Mr.. McSwat in adeep,
melo-dramatic voice, sit is fallen. We
may now pause before this splendid
prodigy"
GLOW could you, o, how could you do
it, Billiger?' she walled, sinking hope
1essly on another chair.
II didn't recognize it as the bonnet,
| Lobelia," he replied penitently. 81 saw
it, but supposed it to be a bunch of col
ored tissue paper, or crumpled tidy, or
a flesh towel, or something of that kind.
Can't you fix it up again somehow" he
inquired anxiously. Cant it beer
inflated again or mashed together the
other way SO you can make it do?"
Mrs. McSwat looked witheringly at
her crest-fallen husband, stalked out of
the room without a word, and nobody
from the McSwat household went to
| service anywhere on that Sabbath
Chicago Tribune. ....