The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1890-02-01
A PRACTICABLE SUPPER.
Instruc.ing the Amateurs and Striking q

III confluence 10 IL lTleuu, anu luckily
struck chance to act in a company
with some amateurs for charity benefit.
They wanted two professionals and we
caught on. We lived along for week
before the performance was given on
free lunches, nearly starved to death,
because We couldn't get a cent from the
charity folks till We had rendered ser
vice. In one of our scenes Ned and /
we had lOW-cOmedy roles-were to
sneak into house where table was
set for supper, and were TO take advan-
tage of the opportunity and eat every
thing in sight. The afternoon of the
evening on which We were to act we
had the last rehearsal and an idea struck
ne. told them to get up the real thing
in The way OF a supper-that this thing
of having nothing but plates and knives
and forks and glassware on table for
supper wasn't art. and if they wanted
the performance to he anything Of sue
cess they must 90 IN for attention to de-
tail, like Irving.
The women of the movement agreed
to get up the proper kind of supper
and have everything there IN slap-up
fashion, and let 1t go at that. Ii you
want things done YOU mustn't overdo
the urging-s specially IN amateur dr4-
matte atialrs-'cause II you DO they will
conclude that you have an Interior mo-
tive at once.
Tine best Ned and | could get for
supper was slim bite of crackers and
cheese in a place where We had hung
up the barkeep', and lnasmuch as We
hadn't had Il square IN weeks We We're
mighty neal Vanished. so when the
play came to the second act, and We
sneaked onto the scene, we nearly col
lapsed at sight OF that table. The good,
gulleless women OF the charity had set
out a spread there that would do
hungry actor good just to look at.
There was hot tried chicken with cream
gravy, nice roast beef, and the finest
fried fish you ever saw. And the
vegetables Just every kind, and pre-
serves, and cakes, and lots OF things
we hadn't seen since We quit living at
hotels.
Ned and ] were couple of hungry
tramps III the play, and it was our
business to manifest the EXTREMIST de-
light, and then with the greatest nerve
in the world sit down and 90 for the
supper, which, IN the play, was waiting
tor somebody else who was expected
every minute. We had only fe y lines
to speak and, at certain cue, the
owner of the supper was TO say some
thing out in the wings to q servant and
at the table and eur hunger held us.
We spoke a line or two, and then Ned
said, IN his character:
"'The Wills in little iron box under
the old cove's bed aside: 'Sutterin'
Cyrus, Jack, We never can leave this
good feed -
And said:
"'Wonder if We can find his room
without humping against anybodyY
Aside, Leave this? Well. hardly
Wen stay here TIL we can't eat another
blasted bite
They say the old 'un keeps heap
O money in that box, too, said Ned.
Aside: How the devil will We man
age it? The cue comes IN my next
speech
$50 much the better. Well get the
will and the money, too. The money III
be ours, an We can make the young 'un
come down handsome for the will
Aside: Gag It, Don't give the cue.
Tell stories-anythIng.
Fright here We broke away from the
lines of the piece and Ned said
"'l GU remember when We was a-Vlsit-
in the Prince of Wales at Sandrngham
and what Il spread he gave u.s.
"'Ilke as If twas yesterday, says !,
eating away like ali possessed, same as
Ned was doing, only Il WASH Sandrlng
ham; 1t WAS at Marlborough House.
Your re wrong said Ned, chewing
away on thigh of chicken, 1t was
Sandringham. | remember it especial,
cause the Prince said to me, says he:
'Where'd you get the sparks III the cuff
buttons -"
Nothing of the sort, says |, helping
myself to a lot of Jelly and roast beef.
1t was at Marlborough House, cause
after dinner we played billiards on
billiard room, and l beat the Prince
scandalous.
'''WelI, whether it was Sandringham
or Marlborough, it was great spread.
Never had a better
Except one, says |.
"'W hen?' says Ned.
I'VE were filling up mighty rapid, ]
can tell you, and were spelling the
looks of the table shameful. We made
one speech last us on an average of
about bite to each word or two.
"'When We dined with the Ahkoond
of Swat says |. Ned nearly choked.
The Ahkoond was a new one on
him. But he d dn't let on. He just
said:
"'Oh, yes; at Chaosvilie.'
"'Corre Ct | SAID, in Mona nsland.
What man the Ahkooni was
Then | went on to tell funny little
characteristics of the Ahkoond OF Swat
how he had queer matrimonial sys-
tenn, and selected his wives by lottery
from among all the women OF his realm,
and how it didn't make any difference
whether he Grew some other mans
vie or not-he always took her. | ella
borated on this, and Ned followed with
a renlnlsCence OF t. e Ahkoond us a
humorist. Told how be grabbed some
man at random IN crowd every month,
and cut off his head Just for Joke, the
fun being II keeping his subjects guess
inc as to who would be next.
-'All this time the amateurs were
standing in the entrances looking at
us with speechless establishment, and
wondering what on earth We meant.
Finally We finished, and Ned said:
"'Ah fine old party. the Ahkoond.
Then, returning 10 the lines of the play,
he gave the speech with the cue in it,
without even pause between. How
much do you 'SpOSe he will give for that
will e"
The man in the wing spoke up here,
and We fell over ourselves in getting
away. The audience never knew what
the Prince of Wales and the Ahkoond
OF Swat had to do with the play, and
the actors dldn t get the nice lunch after
the show they had reckOned or. But
you can bet there never was such a
natural eating scene on the stage be-
fore or since. That meal lasted us three
DAYS"
Relics of Better Days.
From the N.w York Tribune
A Lusignan descendant OF the Kings
of Jerusalem died miserably lately in
a hospital in Milan. \ Marquis de-
scendant from the Doges is selling
matches in the streets Of Venice; in the