The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-07-10
WIT AND HUMOR.


terance who never knows when he's
loaded Boston Post.
Every body else gets tired In this
world before the man who makes you
,ired.-AtchiS0H Gtobe.
How locomotive engineer can make
his own headlight-by drinking too
much.-IerdS SUtings.
Man is often fonder of his dogs than
ne is of his kin; but. then, a dog can
never contest wiil.-Iuch.
Few men sow their wild oats with
out getting more or less rye mixed
in with decentralization Globe.
a correspondent desires to make it
known that the compensation for fiction
is Il storied earn Washington Post.
You collect coins. don't you?"
Yes" What are the rarest cents"
Common sense. ~. Y. Commercial.
The cat has nine lives, which shows
that Nature has a pretty fair idea of
what the cat would have to 60 through.
life.
Teacher(to class -''What is veloci-
ty?n Bright Youth-'.Velocity is what
A man puts a hot plate down with.
n. !. Heraid.
Boston ladies attend baseball games
in large mum 5ers. They are on the
lookout for Il good catch.-New Or
lcatS Picdyunc.
Just as soon as a mans head gets
above the level of mediocrity a crowd
Of high-kickers begin reaching for it,
ashland Press.
Don't you think young
De Jones is sweet?' Maude-'Suitee
Why, of course-a perfect flat!-Anaer-
lean Grocer.
You can always tell rising young
man. in Il crowded car. He is the one
vino lets some one else do the rising
IORkerS Statesman.
She-"What do baseball players do
all winter long?' He-''O, they prac-
tice their profession by goingo on a bat"
Harrington Free Press.
Shelf capital punishment must
be, | certainly favor electricity" He
%. that is 10 say, you prefer cur
rents to raIsin's. n-Rachet.
First Housckeeper-'W What is your
idea of the height of sarcasm?" Sec
ond Housekeeper Calling servants
help. S0nierrjiye Journal.
''When l was small boy" said De
Binks, every body said / had a great
future before me-" And now?n I've
got it vet. y Washington Post.
What are you doing now?" asked
one youth of another. Il write for
living" What do YOU write?" Let
tiers to father. "-lFaShington Post.
Customer-'Is it customary to fee
the waiter here?n Waiter-.'Y SIR
Customer-"Then hand over your fee,
I've waited for you nearly an hour. -
Racket.
She CATER conjugal tifD-'I won
per ii there are any men in Heaven?'
He-''It is sad to think, dear. that this
will be a matter of conjecture with
you. Phitadeiphia Press.
Girlhater-"Tve noticed that wo-
men have peculiar fondness for using
the word amen" Punsby-'' Moth
ing strange, for it's always the last
word. - arUard Lampo0n.
Look here said Charley Cashgo to
his tailor, these trousers YOU made foI
me are getting shorter all the time"
We'll" replied the tailor laconically.
$50 am L. Washington Post.
Customer-.'What have you got that
is appropriate to the season?' Sales
man Gacetiously)-'A bad cold" Just
then the customer got in draft and
he took one. Phiiadeiphia Press.
Judse-'Do you know what thor
oughly depraved man you are?" No.
your honor How could l know ita
Nobody else but you ever had the
courage to tell me so."-FHegende Blat-
ter.
Il never liked Wagners until last
nlSht. How We're you brought
over Il heard some 'Siegfried' Sc
iections played on piano that hasn't
2een tuned for twenty years. IN Y.
Commercial
Frank" said Mabel, tenderly,
doesn't it seem ages between Tuesday
and Saturday night?' Yes, indeed
replied Frank, thoughtlessly. Some
times it seems rs though payday would
never come. "-Harper's Bdzar.
Miss Sharpe-"O, how do YOU do,
Mr.. Sissy? You are not looking very
we'll" Mr.. Sissy-''No, Miss Shawpe;
I've a cold or something in me head"
Miss Sharpe Calmly i think it
must be cold. "-NunSey's Weekly.
The health journals and the doctors
all agree that the best and most whole
some part of the ordinary New England
country doughnut is the hole. The
larger the hole, they say, the better
the doughnut.-OurD Dumb animals.
''Bibleurre, why don't YOU stop
drinking?' II have often tried to, but
it seems l can't. 20. pshaw! All it
requires is strong will power" We'll,
1t requires strong water power. too,
and that J haven't got."-N Y. Her.
aid
well, George, in this firm we are
about to FORM" remarked Arabella to
her tiance, Il suppose of course you
will expect to be the senior partner?"
Yes" replied George. land l hope
you will be the silent partner. Man
sey'S Weekly.
Il wish to elevate the stage" said
the young society woman to the mana
ger. Here are some of my new
gowns They are very fine" re-
piled the manager, but YOU must
bring your divorce decree before can
decide.-T. n. Sun.
do you know anything new for
birthday present for my husband?"
20. yes; tell him to-day that your
dressmaker's bill is $500 and then on
his birthday tell him that it was only
$50. You have no idea how he will
enjoy it. "-Fliegende Blatter.
Lady de Primrose-''What do YOU
think of the new Duchess?n Mrs.
Normanby-"O she's perfect phono-
graph Lady de Primrose don't
understand What do you mean?"
Mrs. Normanby-''Well. you see, she
speaks without thinking. "-Judy.
Customer-..Well, Shears, what did
YOU think of the Bishops sermon Sum
uayo saw Won in church - Parha,.