The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-07-09

Rev. Hector's Funny Story That Adorned
sTale and Pointed q Moral
As Well.
Especial Correspondence of The INDEPENDENT
New York, July 8.-Chicago, dear! Paste
this in the sole of your pretty boot. Not
the whole column, for yon might not be
able to accommodate more than ten inches
or 80. but Just this inch. You are going to
begin to try to make ready to prepare the
plans for big exhibition some day, and
you want ideas, notions, intellectual help,
not to mention pecuniary. Well, now, Just
come along to New York and I will take
YOU where you will imbibe (ocularly only
the splendidest idea for leading feature.
But first. let me ask you whether school
day wish of mine ever affected you the same
way. Did you ever long to see ship in
street? All our talk about the big ocean
greyhound being $50 feet long and6O wide,
and able to sleep 1900 bodies with more or
less soul left in them-what does it amount
to? We can't form any sensible idea OF
their immensity, not even We who sail in
them and see them every day. But if, say,
the City of New York, could be hauled up
Broadway on wheels! All! only think of it!
Guess we should lick creation in the novel
ty department of the great moral show bus
mess.
Well, come along with me on my explor-
alton constitutional and you shall walk I'M
if you like. We bid goodby to our every
day Gotham as we leave it for the IN
known land that lies alongside the East
river from the sky-high bridge up to the
Grand street elbow. A motley world. IN
deed, do we enter here. For the hrst
hustling wharves on our right, boats poking
their noses right into the street car win
dows. and big ships and little ships strug-
Cling which shall be first to- leap
clean out onto the so-called dry land that
is filled with mud.puddles and thirst pro-
hats Knocked off, and. looking up, 10 and
behold We are under the 6ne-edged PROV of
a copper plated three-master. Seen from
the warehouses across the street this ship
has all the delicacy and beauty of outline
of swan. One Of these vessels. for there
are two close together, has the KEYNOTE OF
stability, the other of swiftness, and mere
landlubbers like myself find a keen pleasure
in surveying veritable monarchs af the sea
much as one looks up at balloon.
For thirty years the streets of Paris have
been of asphalt. For twenty years the
streets of London have been paved vari-
ously-wood. pitch, macadam, asphalt
but ALWAYS as smooth as table.
Ten years ago New York experimented
with asphalt, and with fair success, to judge
by the city hall front, Central park paths
and the patches in Madison avenue and
elsewhere. Now we seem to be living in the
asphalt millennium. The long Lexington
suit from top to toe, beginning at the toe.
By the way, quite cluster of corporation
notables live down at the Gramercy end of
iEex-Mayor Hewitt, down to q shoal Of po-
lioemen as you 20 up. Has this anything
slack and you feel like having some fun,
just take your seat on the sub-treasury
steps-sacred ground, mind you!-and
watch the horses sink up to their heels in
the pitch and the cartwheels make four
inch ruts, and the 90o-pounder bankers and
heels out of the holes they have stamped
into the new paving" Oh, yes; it's mighty
funnv-for you-if you have sand enough
to laugh on a sweltering day.
They chartered a lot around and around
.'the negro question: the other day at the
Mohawk convention without getting partic-
ularly near to it. Perhaps is was warm
weather, and the atmosphere of the subject
got strongish. Anyway, there is no question
the negro can vote when he wants to. 1t was
quite another convention I happened into
in New York church few evenings ago.
A negro bishop was down on the programme
for speech, but he did not turn up. There
ofG tEook1r1 Hocfnrf5 cot mn nd
when the chairman said he would let Hec-
tor loose on the meeting there was a cheer
of satisfaction that BODIED treat to
come. But Hector turned out to be a
remarkably black gentleman. which
explains why the white clerics spun
rs to crowd Hector into s'just ten minutes"
as everybody was hurrying out. But every
body hurried to sit down again when he be-
gan. Racy, eloquent, comic, singing, dra-
matte by turns the Rev. H. Hector proved
far and away the best orator of the even
than printers ink can render it. He is an
out and out prohibitionist, and to ridicule
the moderate folk who wish to regulate the
traffic by stringent legislation, he told how
an old auptie of Georgia was shown the
water system of a city house for the first
time. She was amazed that the turning of
little tap or spigot could bring such a
rush of water right where she wanted it,
for she was going to get pailful to scrub
the floor. Her pail was soon filled and over
filled. but the old girl didn't know how to
stop it. Seeing the danger of second
deluge she philosophically decided to
deal with it on the instal!ment
plan, and keep it under by wise considera-
tion. Hector is of gigantic build and this
is how he played "old auntie." Filling his
imaginary bucket as he stopped, he rose to
his full tip-toe height, swaying his body
forwards and emptying the water on the
audience. Bubbetv bubbety-swish bub-
betv bubbety-swish Kant git the hang
O. the thing nohow.'' Bubbety bubbety-
swish! 20 Lor'! O Lor'! What's gwine ter
become on us2''-bubbety bubbety-swish!
"Well, we'll, Dinah! what on earth are YOU
doing that for p It was her mistress,
shookea at the dreadful sight everywhere
around. "What Use doin' of :? WHY pse
a regilatin' the supply!'-bubbety bubbety-
swish! "Cl'ar right out of yo' don't want
ter be drownded."
Great Reduction in Passenger Rates via the
Northern Pacific.
The Northern Pacific railroad desiring to
benefit the people of Montana, and give
them the lowest possible rates, will, COM
mencing August l, make the following ma
terial reGluctions. The one Way first class