The Mason County journal. [volume] (Shelton, W.T.) 1886-1927, 1890-05-09

He Flashes q Brilliant Scheme Through the
Speaking Tube.

Speaking Tube.
1t is wonderful the attraction the
speaking-tube in our fat houses has for
tramps, and the number of brilliant
schemes they attempt to work through
this medium upon unsuspecting house
wives. The distance between the mouth
piece of the tube in the vestibule and
the fifth or sixth floor seems to inspire
them with confidence and courage.
A lady living on the top floor of tall
uptown house was called to the speak
ing-tube by violent ringing of the
front door bell, and on calling down
through the tube to find out what was
wanted she was surprised to hear a few
bars of well-known song waited up to
her. After listening in amazement for
awhile to song the tender refrain of
which was
go to sleep, my ba- ably, my ba- by"
the woman called down:
"What in the name of all that's fell
and Internal have we here now?"
'It'sme, maam-Scabby McValentine.
You remember l was at the tube the
other day to pay my respects and ask
! the favor of a few cold victuals, which
you didn't happen to have, / regret to
say. You are doubtless surprised at the
melody which I am waiting up to you
this morning, but l have just read in a
scientific journal that singing is good
for lung diseases"
go way from there, you miserable
idiot" yelled the woman, but Scabbv
didn'tgo. He warbled some more verses
/ through the pipe, setting forth in tremolo
! that
| "He must be very wet,
For they haven't found him vet
"Have you gone stark, staring, roar
ing mad?" screamed the poor woman,
when she got a chance at the tube.
by no MEANS" replied Scabby, in his
t coolest manner. 81 am simply follow
ing the suggestion of learned medical
authority and doing little singing for
my lung trouble, of which l have long
been an unhappy victim. Of course X
is understood that am not doing this
altogether for my health. I am also
throwing off this melody as part COM
pensation for any cold pie or old trous-
ers that you happen to have for me-
You will please accept my songs as a
guarantee of good faith, that am in
deed a victim of the dread disease,
poor man doing all he can to cure him
self and at the same time earn an hon.
est living. If you will kindly drop the
pie out of the window"
sect away from there, you sublimated
loafer, or I'll call the police this min
ute!' shouted the exaspSated woman.
Every WE'LL" said Scabby, sadly. 81
go, but when the gibbering ghost of
hollow-chestedc Onsum ptive fits through
! your troubled dreams remember Scabby
MacValentine and the fatal day upon
which you refused to listen to his siren
song" and Scabby was gone.
SHE GOT AT FACTS.
Why Harry Was Not Awakened and Re-
preached BY His Better Half.
The sewing girl was very pretty,
there was no doubt about that, but there
was no reason the wife thought, why
Harry should look at the sewing girl so
often and so intently. Indeed, why
should he look at the sewing girl at all?
She had promised to join box party at
| the theater with Smiths, and Harry said
he believed he wouldn't 60 he'd rather
stay In the sitting room and smoke and
read, and the Smiths could bring her
home. The sewing girl was at work in
the sitting room and would be engaged
until nearly nine o'clock. 1t was a
doubtful situation, but wives are adroit
and alert. This one bethought her of
the perfected photograph that Harry
had brought home. She would take it
into the sitting room. It worked auto
matically with conversation anywhere
near it, and registered with perfect &C
'uracy, emitting again on occasion all it
had heard. She carried out the idea and
Joined the theater party.
When the wife returned Harry was in
bed sleeping the sleep of the just-or
the hardened. She closed the doors
| tightly to cut off all sound, and turned
the phonograph crank with fear and
trembling. At the first revolution she
almost tainted. There issued the voices
Of Harry and the sewing girl He had
been in the room!
She recovered after time and turned
the crank. Here is the conversation she
heard:
Hello. Have you seen meerschaum
pipe around here?"
mo, SIR"
Guess l must have left it down town.
Say, are you the girl that made my last
lot of shirts?'
"Yes, sir''
well, when you make another lot
want you to sew every button on so it
will stick till there's frost in hades.
See? Mrs. IS good girl, but she's
20 Internally busy watching me she for
gets about buttons. See?"
eyes, sir.''
"All right Much obliged. What red
ears you've got. Hello! I'll be BANKED
If there isn't the pipe on the mantel
now! You'd better never get married;
you haven't got the eye. See?"
That was all there was in the phono-
graph. Harry was not awakened and
reproached. The woman was too much
shocked with the bald reality of life.
Besides she didn't know what to saw
PITH AND POINT.
Poverty Is in want of much, but
avarice demands the earth.-Texas
Siftings.
The man who knows every thing
may be satisfactory to himself, but he
is nuisance to other people.
Poor people with too many naughty
boys in their families should send some
of them to nautical school.-N. o.
Picayune.
1t is curious fact in the run OF
things that it is easier to be thoroughly
orthodox than to be thoroughly good
Elmira Telegram.