New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1890-03-16
THE TALK OF TIE DAY.

dinnerl-Ah, that's the stuff. 1t IS funny, but
never feel an appetite for dinner unless take drink
aftcrward.
Long Measurc"It strikes me you have got the
longest miles in the world said a pedestrian as he
wiped The pc~piation from his brow ~
NO. answered the intelligent native. taking his
mi as they were making the road they ran short OF
milestoneS. they only put one down for every
two miles. "-(Roman Bibllothek
Judge-Can Won give any reasons why you can't
pay your debts
Delinquent Debtor-I have nine reasons your
Honor. a wife, a mothern-law. six children and an
empty pocketbook.
Two oh-time residents at Fayete Ms-Squirs
Underwood and Deacon CraIg-one sunday ATTENDED
a meeting at the school house when the minister DID
not appear and there was no to lead the service
Deacon Craig. you open the meeting and Ili close
tho meeting and it'll close ITSELF was the quick re-
tort.-(Lewiston Journal.
Reversing the Process.-widow with six children
Ito suitor-You love me. George, and ask me TO be
your wifel Well, then, ask my children.
Throwing Away Time.-It the rear platform
OF A street crowd was going homo from the
theatre.
Let's sce,' unused man who was jammed on the
Gnled to the one on his ie nave We been intro
II think not. My name IS Taylor"
AM And mine is Porter. Mr.. Taylor. you ara
a me s a and fe Mon bns You
detroit Free Press
the following proclamation: No spiruous vinous
or fermented liquors intoxicating drinks whatevet
shall be sold given offered TO bought barteref
by any native samoan or Pacific Islander resident
in samoa to be taken as beverage. Any
one who will be found guilty Of the violation Of
this provision shall be punished by fine not exceeding
800, or by Imprisonment not exceeding six months.
by both fine and imprisonment, and the liquor moi
yet consumed shall be coniscated'
The sugar men have no sand, declares a con.
temporary. Well what do they want sand fol-
anyway
WHAT THE STAIR CLOCK SAW
Up on the landing the stair clock stood
The prim Old clock,
And licked away a. hard as it could;
"Tick-tock textbook,
IT'S late, 90 lock-"
Down in the doorway a lover wooed-
\ signing swain,
Each heart with love IN a melting mood;
TO part was pain.
Twas PLAIN quite PLAIN
The signing swain took a final kiss
rOusng smack
A bold attack
The dying note Of their soulful bnssi
Alas alack!
parting crack.
The old clock saw. and hid its face;
shocking sight
80 late at night
1t woke ne echoes ,nS,; about II: places
Young man. take Hight
1t looked again and beheld a sight
An old man mad
The yonng girls dad
fleeing form IN the cold, dark night,
\ maiden sad.
Hall sad, half glad.
frank d. welch in The Jeweller.
SAYS an eminent physician: show me profess
>onal athlete forty years old. and will show you
man old beyond his time. with bones ont of shape,
mi, anti sfiN nd
promise him five years Of life. outside of move.
ments to expand the lungs gymnastics positive In
jury 1t is apparently abou as difficult to get at the
truth in regard to athletics as it is in regard I'd
theology.
Charles Lamb Kenney. the popular journalist. din;
INK at the house Of friend Glanced 70 swallow smaii
piece of cork with his wine. The result beng severe
III OF coughing.
Take care, my, friend said his next neIshbor,
with rather feeble attempt at humor, "thats not
no. gaspcd the irreprcssibe sufferer, it's the
way to kill Kenney ."-lLondon Truth
Krank Sitting up in bed. watch in hand)-Here
IL i i O'Clock. and nobody comes TO wake ME up
[ shall be sure to mis-, the train.
4 Fastdiols Appctite.-Farmer-Yo kin feed them
COWS some corn in the tonight.
New Hand-G tried that Yesterday. sir. but tiey
pearcd 10 like 1t better IN the mou'h-tAnerican
Grocer.
II is said that wooden boy has been constructed
should think that wooden boy would do Just
that sort Of thing.
The stranger i'm Toledo is driven nearly frantic over
the fact that both and railroad tlnle are IN Use
here The complexities OF the problem thus pre-
.onted for the unfortunate man prove 100 mlon iof
him lie misses appointments, probable customers.
his meals hi, legitimate amount Oh Slcep, ana =.
length ne leaves the city, singing. in dolorous tone
The sun time l. vcNaton
The railroad l. A. bad.
Tile li,r of both doth puzzle me-
And fairly drives me- mad.
Toledo Commercial
Mr. Ecllamv who has made snug sum ny
.Iookfn. Backward" says that the hardest workers
| and chi. fest producers the poorest paid and the
worst treated whcrcupon The Boston Advertiser
asks: Who chiefly produced Looking Backward
and worked hardest upon IT. author printer and
whom do the wcldcscrved royalties cnrichl'
somewhat Of a Drop.-Gucst-IIave you any quail
on toast
Waiter No. sir.
.Gnc>-Any brolcd snOwbirds
Waiter No. sir.
Guest-Mcll. how about Stcwcd errapinf
Waitcr-Wc haven't any. sir.
Guc~t-rhcn give cOrned beef sandwich
Lawrence American