davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
A Fable of the Dark Continent

Emin Pasha tells this fable of the
African negroes: Rubanga Unkette,
the Great Spirit. called together all
grass-eating animals and explained to
them that he was about to give them a
king. The elephant and rhinoceroS
would not do because they had too big
bellies and ate grass themselves. He
would, therefore, appoint the lion king,
and forbid him to eat his subjects. So
it was done. In few days the lion
became hungry and asked the hyena for
advice as to the best way of shilling his
hunger. The hTena said: You may
not eat your subjects. but you may eat
their children" \ few minutes later
the child of higaly-respectedb boar that
was i'll in bed came to the lion to ask
after his health. The lion petted the
child, killed it ans ate it. The boar be-
came worried by the long absence of the
first child. and so sent another one to
find ii. This one. too, was killed and
eaten by the lion When the boar
learned al this he called an assembly of
all grass-eating animals and induced
them to forsake the lion. who to this
day has remained their most hated
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
WITTY WILLS,
Jokes Perpetrated by Humorous Testa.
tors.

Jokes Perpetrated by Humorous Testa.
tors.
One might suppose that will-makine
was any thing but merry occupation,
and yet the drollery of the wills that
some eccentric old fellows have left be-
hind them could hardly be surpassed.
Dean Swift could not have concocted a
more bitter joke than that of the tesla
tor who, after reciting the obligations
he was under to particular friend, be-
queathed to him, at the bottom Of the
first page of his will, 10, O00-dollars, Of
course, thought the delighted legatee;
but on turning the leaf, the bequest
was discovered to be 10000 thanks
What wet blanket for great expecta-
tions!"
just as odd was the codicil of the
death-stricken humorist who left to GER
tain of his dear relatives "as many acres
of land as shall be found equal to the
area inclosed by the track of the center
of the oscillation of the earth in a revo-
luton round the sun, supposing the
mean distance of the sun to be 81, 600
semi-diameters Of the earth from it"
This was century ago; and as the
problem could not be satisfactorily
worked out, the legatees were kept at
mean distance from the property all
their lives
A very neat reproach was conveyed
in the will of an nncle who bequeathed
eleven silver spoons to his nephew,
with the remark: IF / have not left
him the dozen he knows the reason;"
the young scapegrace having stolen the
twelfth spoon some time before. Min.
neapolis Tribune.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
bright sifncer-elves.

" Go into the homes of the happy,
Where pleasure stands page at the door;
Watch well how they live and report what
they give
To the hordes of Gods hungering poor.
Keep track of each cent and each moment
Yea, tell me each word, too, they use
To silver-lne clouds for earths suffering
crowds;
And tell me, too. when they refuse"
So into our homes few the fairies
Though never a soul of US knew
And with pencil and book they sat By US and
took
Each action, if false or If true.
White marks for the deeds done for Others
Black marks for the deeds done for self,
And nobody hid what he said or he did,
For no one, of course, sees an elf.
Well, Christmas came all in its season,
And Santa Claus so I am told,
With a psry light pack Of small gifts on hi,
back
And his reindeer all left in the fold,
Set out on a leisurely journey
And finished ere midnight, they say
And there never had been such surprise and
chagrin
Before on the breaking of day
As there was on that bright Christmas morn
ing,
When stockings and cupboards and shelves
Were ransacked and sought in for gifts that
were not in;
But wasn't 1t fun for the elvess
And what did get? You confuse me;
loot not one thing, and that's true;
But had suspected my actions detected
Iwould have had gifts. Wouldn't you.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, in Judge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

"HE TALK A HEAP O MR.. ROMAN
sun, and bounded up to meet them.
The children ran ioyfully up the walk,
and at the sight of the rooms, when
they entered, cried gleetully: "Why,
mamma, may be dere wasn't no nauo
tion.'
Mrs. Blake gave herself no time tc
think, but FASTENED from one room to
another. seeking the lawyers, until she
came to her own room.
How pretty and homelike it still
looked! There was her husbands big
armchair, still drawn up to the table,
just as she had left it: the family Bible
still lay on its seat, but on it lay some
thing she had not left there, and as she
picked it up she read her own name on
the big envelope. With fingers trem-
bling so she could hardly use them, she
tore it open and read:
my DEAR MRS. BLAKE: When you read the
inclosed letter, written twelve years ago. by
my friend and your usband, think you will
not deny it is my right to give you the inclosed
deeds, etc, securing to you your home. He
gave me mine.
I find Mr.. Brown hurried this sale to secure
the land adjacent to his coalmine. It is very
valuable, and in a few years will make you
rich.
And now. my dear friend, to morrow can not
be to you a Merry Christmas, but with
brave chez rfulness hope you will make it ia
your children not an unhappy one. am
Very sincerely your friend, as I was your
husbands friend,
John ROMAN"
"a father to the fatherless, a husband
to the widow Once again the words
fell from the lips Of the weeping woman,
who for the second time that day knelt
by the old armchair.
Then clasping her children in her
arms, she cried:
THANK God with me, my darlings
we have home once more"
"And is de nauction clear gone away,
mamma?" Roman asked, anxiously.
"All gone, my treasure; every bit
gone, thank God!'
Then" said little Roman, carefully
pulling out Susanna Louise from under
his apron, ''set down. Pickle, and rum
on, folkses. an les have Chrismusr'-
Anna Pierpont Siviter, in Santa Claus.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

The camera that does the work for the
rogues' gallery in New York City. says
the Photographic Times, is concealed
The prisoner hangs his head and refuses
to look up when asked to do so, or shuts
his eyes and distorts his face. The
photographer makes feint with the
camera in sight. takes out the plate and
exclaims: ''Oh, pshaw. that is spoiled"
or words to that effect, and walks hur-
riedly out of the room. The prisoner
raises his head and looks pleasant
He has outwitted the photographer.
Then the concealed camera gets in its
fine work and the rogue is still more
surprised and pleased at being .old that
he can go.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
WHAT WAS UP.

The Rapid Rise of Water I'm Goods Coun
try
Where the outlet leaves Lake Quin.
ault, in the State of Washington, the
orifce is not large enough, in case of a
sudden freshet, to carry off the water;
and, at times, during the spring rains,
the water rises rapidly. One instance,
where it is said to have risen sixteen
feet in three hours, furnished rather
an amusing incident A man whom
neighbor had furnished with a grub
stake" wrote to his benefactor the day
before this freshet: Il have erected a
cabin on the bank of the lake and am
now clearing off spot for garden. I
have found Gods country at last, and
expect to end my days right here. Send
more -four and bacon
The surprise of the benefactor can be
better imagined than told. when, the
next day after receiving the letter. he
met his man, armed cap-a-pie with his
skillet frying.pan, coffee-pot and camp
equipage, ''hoofing it" down the beach.
well, said he, whats up?" why.
the cursed lakes up, and don't pro.
pose to stay in country where the
water rises so fast chat you can't climb
tree ahead OF it" And he never went
back.-West Shore.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
EFFECTS OF POlSONS.
Scientific Examination Can Always De-
tect Their Presence.

teCt Their Presence.
According to DR.. William Fl. Greene,
of the University of Pennsylvania, the
most painless poison is probab bly, NOR
phia or some similar narcotic. Second,
hydrOcyanic or prussic acid is the most
rapidly fatal of all poisons in Its ac-
ton. Third, chemical and physiolog-
zeal tests may now be applied with such
certainty to detect poison in food and
drink, and in the human body after
death, that if scientific examinatio and
judicial inquest be possible, the admin
istration of almost any poison is at
tended with the risk of possibl detec-
ton.
The poisons which would be most
likely to escape detection would be
those most closely resem bling the
ptomaines of poisonous fungi. l do not
believe, however, that there exists a
poison, or that one can exist that could
not be positively identified after death
either by the LESSONS produced in the
organs affected, or by the extraction
from the corpse of the victim of the
poison itself, ami by the study of its
properties.
Il do not think that the pc ople of any
other age could have taught US any
thing in this matter. The crimes of
the Borgias were vel known at the
time of their preparation, and the
Borgians were we'll known to be poison
ers, but their power protected them.
Except under conditions that would
now be of very rare-almost impossible
occurrence, such murders by poison
could not be perpetrated. A Borgia
would most inevitably be detected, ex-
posed and punished at the present day"
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

instan thy outbid, and so secured the
whole.
As soon as the auctioneer announced
the close of the sale. Mr.. Roman asked
the astonished and disappointed crowd
to please yacate The premises as soon as
possible as he had bought every thing
for a lady who would take possession OF
her property that night.
The people filed slowly out, and Mr..
Roman was at last left alone with a
lawyer he had brought, the auctioneer
and the holder of Mr.. Blake's unfortu-
nate obligation. All the claims againss
the property were very soon met, and
then, after seeing the gentlemen depart
Mr.. Roman fastened to the little
kitchen.
go for your mistress, auntie." he
said, land ask her to please bring the
children and come back at once. There
is paper she must read"
When Aunt Nancy delivered this mes
sage, a few minutes later, to Mrs
Blake, she was greatly surprised; but
with the patience born of deep suffer
ing, she at once called the children to
accompany her, and went home. won
dering, as she walked along, how she
was to endure the agony of seeing her
home despoiled of its treasures.
She had dreaded the sight of wagons
and people moving her goods, ana, as
She entered the gate, was astonished to
see no one. Only Rollo, the old dog, lay
basking in the last rays of the setting
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

I begun to wish it wuz over an gone fer another
year;
An I see that pa wuz bothered, he'd sech an
Uneasy way,
An he alwus changed the subtle If the subtle
wuz Chris mus day;
Fer Joe KEEP a-tellin' constant what the other
boys I'D git,
An il made me feel so awful mean hain't got
over it yit;
Till at last couldn't stand it, an the day afore
the day
slipped aout awful quiet, an TUX the keers
away
CLAIR daown to the great big city, jist packed
an gorged with folks.
The hull bilin OF UNI happy an laughin' an
maxim jokes.
come to a noble buidin' with popcorn strung
N strings,
An big tin horns an gccarts an keers an
drums an things.
The Teller wuznt haughty-proud, but 'ud hunt
an sort an pull;
An laid out thirty shillin' an my arms wuz
bllin' full.
When 1 got back hum in the evenIn' the
haouse wuz dark an still,
But the moon wuz a-risin' noble over to old Tug
hill.
peeked up soft to Joes room an slid the latch
on the door
When 1 give jump an my packin's went flynn
to the floor;
Fer there wuz pa a-standin' in front Of a painted
sled,
An we heerd hoot an there wuz Joe asQuat-
tin up in bed.
He give jump an landed, an thought my
bones 'ud brock,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

1 reached the mi ct C1e nall anu
passed OF: on 10 the ceiling of the stairs.
| worked myself down 10 the wall of tao
staircase, looking mp every now and
then at the pattern of the carpets. /
crossed the hall, stumbling against the
chandelier. Several of the CT stats
were detached and fell to the pavement
with loud crash.
Pierre, the butler. who always sleeps
in the little room to the right of the
hall, woke up and came out, candle in
hand, rubbing his eyes sleepiy. [
trembled with fear, and dared hardly
move while he went through the rooms
with his pistol looking for robbers. At
length he satisfied himself and returned
to his chamber.
became seized with an indefnable
desire TO escape from the house Tic
hall door was entirely beyond my reach;
but again / could have resort to the
transom. If l could only reach the
ratings outside ! might work my way
along them until l met some one. 1
felt an ineXtinguiShable longing to be
with you. the only man to whom l could
explain my strange case, and of whose
sympathy l could be certain.
With much effort l forced the tram
som, and creeping through, l hung for a
moment by my hands. l dared not look
down into the fathomless abyss. A
single glance would have destroyed me.
Wisely | forbore, and commenced to
climb up in the direction of the street
railing. The inequalities in the wood
work and my light weight favored me.
-, nd
iron. | drew myself up until my head
touched the stone coping, and planting
my feet upon the ornamented finish of
the fence, l worked my way along the
street.
1t was now nearly two in the morn
ing. and l am satisfied that l should
have reached your door in safety if had
not, in turning the corner, had the mis-
fortune to be espied by policeman.
This man, as you know, seeing me
standing on my head, thought me ma
mac. He called up another policeman,
and despite my entreaties | was carried
off to the station. Being turned around
what they thou rht was the right way,
despite my attempts at explanation, in
the hands of these igncramuses, narrow
" escaped suffocation. Conducted to the
police station, they threw me into cell,
where | fell with such force against the
ceiling that l lost my senses. When
restored to consciousness two hours
later l found myself sitting up on the
floor. The influence of Perigo had
passed. l was again subordinate to the
law of terrestrial gravity,
This, my dear Mons. Barbierre, is a
brief outline Of my adventures. To you,
who know my family history and the
vindictiveness of my wife's relatives, |
make this confession. As a man who
revereS the truth and knows the incre-
dulity of the public. you will see the
futility of stating the exact facts in the
case. l should never be believed.
Worse. should l publish what l have
here written, / should undou btedly be
adjudged insane.
l beg of you to exert therefore, your
inexhaustible ingenuity in rescuing
your brother scientist from his present
predicament without betraying his
secret Do this and forever deserve
the gratitude of your devoted friend,
JULES BARTRAUD.
Austyn Granville, in Chicago Journal.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
FOR A SILVER WEDDING.

mere Is surely a vein for the Silver"
Out from the Earth'S deep heart
Zoe pulse of its white-hot fountains
Rending the rocks apart.
And what so fair as the Silver
Tried by the furnace test
when the dross no more disguises
AND II lies like soul at rest:
And what so bright as the Silver
Aloft on the lighthouse height
When ii gathers the rays in its bosom.
And sends them far through the nights
And what so mighty as Silver,
Linking the nations fast,
Bearing the image of Caesar
To conquer the world at laste
And what SO fine as the Silver
The feStai board to grace
With luxury, cheer and beauty,
And mirror each smiling face
Oh, Friendship is finer than silver,
And the faces round the boar
Find our hearts better miro:
Than all OF its shining hoard.
And Love is more mighty than silver
That bindeth the nations fast;
For Love holds hearts together
And its empire still shall last.
And Home is brighter than silver,
For il gathers Loves own light
AND the focus OF its hearth-Stone
Is set on beacon height.
And Faith is fairer than silver;
Tried as silver is tried,
In the furnace of time and trouble
Pure shall its peace abide.
And deeper than the Earth's heart
Stronger, and richer veined,
Is the heart of married lovers
Whose love has long remained.
We bring you Offering of silver,
o friends tried and true:
But the Friendship and sle Hearth's light,
These are our gifts from you.
We bring our offering of silver
To this Silver Wedding hour,
But the Faith and the Love and the joiae
hearts
Brought first its richest dover.
The moon without is waning
Unseen meath the oce ans rim;
But here Loves light is shining.
Its honeymoon glow not dim.
AS the CLEAN of its first fair quarter
Touches your heads to night,
II turns our graduation
To prayers fer its future light
May it line each cloud with blessing,
And bring you gifts untold,
Till the alchemist Time Sal gently
TranSmute the Silver TO Gold!
Helen W. Ludlow. in Harper's Weekly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

Ez felt two tight arms givin' a bear-hug
'raound my neck.
Sech time eZ we had-sech hollerin'l you
could hear US far an near
I'll never have a better-if live till HUNDRED
year.
Oh, neighbors! don't be stingy when it comes
to Chris mus day;
Be clus the hull year thro', but then put savin'
thoughts away
Let's have one hearty laughin' time an let the
troubles go
Fergit your pocket-books an give your hearts a
chance to grow!
Florence E. Pratt, in Judge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

frightened little CULVER about them now,
as their owners locked up timidly at
the stern, handsome man who was so
earnestly regarding them
Come to your what?" repeated Mr..
Roman.
ITO our nauction," the boy explained
''Papa's gone to Heaven, and we's goin'
to have a nauction; it's to Diet money,
you see; ives goin' to sell all our sings.
Mamma says We more We folkes como, ye
more we'll det money; and if dere's
enough, ives no. goin' to sell my wockin'
horse. Use dot Pickle. dis here chick.e,
sare-me and Rosy take turns hold'n'
her--but we tan't hole ye horse. dess
we'll do now
ibid your mamma send your" ask ed
Mr.. Roman
oh. mol she's crTin, an ne aus
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
A CURIOUS STORY.
. HEARD S uch .

- - ~ -
curious story
OF Santa Claus.
Once, SO they
say,
He set out to find
what people
were kind
Before he took
presents their
way.
" This year I will
give but to
giUers-
To those who
make presents
themselves,
With a nod of his
head, old Santa
Claus said
To his band OF
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

balmy as spring! Exquisite, II one had
some one to enjoy it with: but I'm lone
some. Poor Tom! How hoped to see
you again, to tell you that the faultwas
mine in that quarrel; and you are dead
buried only last week, they tell me
and I am back in Old Virginia, with
never a child or chick to bid me well
come"
''Dood-mornin', Mister Man; will you
please tum to We nauction?"
As these words fell on his ear, Mr..
Roman turned and saw two little chill
dren standing on the steps, chicken
held tightly under the arm of one of
them.
They were pretty children, too-a boy
and girl, exactly the same size. Blonde
curls crowned each shining head; brown
tyes, with long, curling lashes, looked
frankly out from under straight, clear
cut eyebrows, and two little pug noses
turned up merrily from the little rosy
mouths that were always smiling be-
Meath. No, not always; for there was a
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
A Christmas Recipe.

Take about eight quarts of unseinsh.
ness and unadulterated charity; mix
briskly with liberal supply of generos.
ity, kindliness and forbearing love-
Simmer gently over slow fire of for.
giveness, goodwill and goodfellewship
Put in dash of cheerfulness and plen-
teous sprinkling of smiles, and serve
piping hot with your Christmas dinner.
Judge
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25

ONEY wuz skerce
tn at Christmas /:
we hadn't a cent
to spare
E II fooIis b and
wasteful presents
that wasn't to eat
nor wear.
Pa he carkilated an
gu e 5 5 ed it wuz
better so,
But we on'y thought
o. tn Shillin's an
not once o. little
Jce.
On'y ez time KEEP
C e e p i n a n d
Christmas wuZ al
mos here,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
ROMANS LEGACY.
His Christmas Present to Mrs.
Blake and Her Children.

My two days
until Chris as.
How different
this will be from
the one / looked
forward to this
year!" thought
Mr.. Roman as
b e restlessly
paced the wide
porch of his
q q n q S o m e
home.
"How pleasant
the air is-as
W a r m a n d
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-12-25
A HEARTY LAUGHiN' TIME.

How We Tried Not to Keep Christmas,
and How We Failed
Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1890-01-30
A BRIEF PAusE

At least momentary relief Is afforded
in this busy, hustling life by q contem-
plation Of the following self-evident
truths from the Iowa Falls Citizen:
Life is very critical. Any word may
be our last. Any farewell, even among
glee and merriment, may be forever. II
this truth were but burned into our
consciousness and il II ruled as q deep
covicition, and real power in our lives,
would It not give new meaning to all
make us more tender than we sometimes
are? Would 1t not oftentimes put q rein
on our rash and impetuous speechf
Would we carry in our hearts the miserable
suspicious and jsalousies that now so
often embitter the fountain of our lovesf
Would We be so impatient Of the faults of
others? Would We allow trivial mlsun-
derstandings to build up strong walls
between us and those who ought to stand
very close to us2 Would we keep alive
petty quarrels. year after year, which a
manly word any day would compose?
Would We pass old neighbors or friends
on the street without recognition, because
Of real or fancied slight. some ancient
grudge2 Or would we be so chary OF
some OF our kind words. our sympathy.
when weary hearts all about us are break
ing for just such expressions Of interest OF
appreciation as We have in our power to
give?"
Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1890-01-30
ONE YEARS RESULT.

The Inter Ocean says: President
Hsrrsion's administration has only fairly
begun, but in ten months it has accom-
plished that which can well be compared
with all that was completed during the
previous four years. The old Samoan
trouble has been adjusted; the Canadian
fishery question in the way tor adiudica-
ton; Oklahoma has been opened and
settled; millions Of fertile acres have been
received by treaty from the Sioux Indians
and soon will be ready for settlement;
the Pan.American Congress, crowned with
possibilities and probabilities for Nation.
al commerce, and then the Introduction
Of four new states into the sisterhood of
states may be marked as the browning work
Of President Harrison's first wear.