Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1890-08-14
WANTED TO MANAGE ONE.
An Enterprising Spectator with Ego
yainiy Peeled for u SuiG ide.


yainly Peeled for Suit ide.
There was n passive, far away look in
mis- watery eye as he sat on the pile of
lumber and looked toward the lower
bay. When man came down the pier
and stood there gazing into the water
the mournful stranger slowly got up
and YEARLY dragged himself over to the
place where the man was. He looked at
the man a long time, while the other
kept his eyes moodily turned away.
Stranger" he said at last with long
drawl, lyon are going to commit sui
eide"
The other looked at him in contempt
uous silence.
Il can see it in your face, my friend.
You are going to commit suicide"
He waited for an answer, but none
came.
Yes" he went on, not in the least
discouraged, Il see it very plainly"
The would-be suicide impatiently
turned his back.
'Oh. don't think that | want to dis
courage you | have often thought of
doing the same thing myself, and
honor you for your resolve. No doubt |
shall some day follow your admirable
example,
''You know too much" said the other
gruffly, speaking for the first time.
Mind your own business and I'll mind
NINE
No. my friend, that isn't the way TO
look at it. lam your friend. Now I'll
tell you what | want to do. am by
nature and training Il manager. want
20 see if | can't conduct Il first class sui
eide. don't mind telling you, since
you are soon to leave this world-oh,
don't shake your head. You need not be
afraid to be honest with me. don't
mind telling you, say, that | have not
been a very successful manager. | had
poor luck with three walking matches,
and sneering people have said that my
athletic games. picnics and other schemes
We're almost failures. But You see sui
eide is such very simple affair. r.
Il wish You would stop your idiotic
talk" interposed the man addressed.
simplest thing in the world. tell
your
'.Simple!" was the answer with a
groan.
''Of course it doesn't seem easy to You,
for you aren't an experienced manager.
But to me it is the simplest matter in
the world. understand how to 10 these
things. You know. You'll have no trou-
BILE or care ut all. will attend to all
the arrangements and look after every
thing All that you will have to do will
be TO commit suicide, and that will be
mere child's play. will take care of
the rest"
will YOU" sarcastically.
Il would advise you to put on new
collar and tie. You needn't black Your
boots, for the water will ruin the shine
anyway"
His listener shivered.
Il take a card" the manager of sui
cides continued complacently land
write on it where you We're born, your
| age and where you would like 70 have
your body sent (another shiverl. Then
| add some pretty sentiment like Life
is of mingled web etc. | sign your
namely the way. what is your name:
can fix the card while we are talking
over the plan
The deuce you cam
This affair, guarantee, viii be sat
isfactory in every way. Ii it isnt-but
of course you will be dead and Z could
not give you satisfaction. However.
| promise You on my word as a
gentleman that it will be satisfacto-
ny" He did not notice the look Of hor-
ror that was called forth by his cold
blooded proposal.
when everything is ready, with no
trouble to you. rs | said before -
HIM
-"No trouble to you. take it all.
When we have arranged everything we
| come down to the pier again You take
! off your hat and bow to the city in
mock respect"
mo, | won't"
"Well, we can dispense with the bow
That's only minor detail: Having
| placed you in position near the edge of
the pier | ask You if you are ready, and
| you say that you are"
"Do II defiantly,
Certainly. We must have this sui
eide properly conducted. / am as par
| ticular in small affairs as in large ones.
| Then | say, 'One-two-threer and you
| jump. After make sure that We have
| been successful | go to the police station
and report your case. If you prefer |
will also look after the body. l. that
satisfactory
See here, you cold blooded animal, "
said the other fiercely, wheeling and
looking him in the eye, 81 did come
down here to drown myself"
| "Of course answered the manager
| calmly Il knew that"
But I'll be hanged before drown
| myself now" the other went ON savage
| ~, not needing the interruption "Do
you think | am going to allow myself to
| be chucked out of the world with q stop
| watch held over me? Do you think
starting for the other world is like be-
| ginning a female bicycle race? When
commit snicide now it will be because
all the fools like you have left the world.
I have great mind to throw you into
the river yourself, you frozen vened
| packed in ice, CONCEALED floor of u re-
| frigerator.
What" gasped the manager. "DC
| you mean to say that You amt going tc
commit suicide after all? And | off er tc
| take all the trouble. You amt going tC
drown Yourself" he walled pathetically
mo, | amt, nor hang myself, MOI
| shoot myself, nor cut my throat, YET
chopped off block of an iceberg"
And the manager turned sorrowfully
and walking back to his lumber pile sal
down and pondered on the ingrati Jude
| of man.-New York Tribune.
just the Other Way.
First Tramp saw Bill jackson last
week: I've tramped good deal with
| him.
Second Tramp-IIow is Bill getting