The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1890-12-27
sUNFLoWER SIMMER.

DR.. Koch's lymph is not Is SLOW as
whisky. but it is just as sure.
At McKinley's home they used STEP
ladders to hang the stockings up with.
The Mount Carmel aerial machine
scheme seems to have vanished into thin
air.
Jerry Simpson sleeps fourteen hours
every day, but he should be excused he
used to be policeman.
An eastern paper made the fatal typo
graphical error Of calling our new congress
men: Jerry Symposium.
The furnishing stores in southern Kan
sas haven't taken their display OF straw
hats out of the windows, yet.
Senator Farwell said he wanted "a new
and bigger president of the United States, ]"
and he had his eyes ''sot" right on Senator
Plumb.
Judge, the comic paper, takes oil Sen
ator Plumb this week in cartoon. 1t
doesn't look like Plumb. He IS not "a
good looking.
When all the members of the Rice fam
lily of Fort Scott are together and want to
be congenial one of them commences to
cuss Eugene Ware.
If Senator ingalls, is reelected, he will be
the only man in the United States with
natural repugnance to putting his hands
in his pants pockets, that could have done
it.
Thirty years ago Stanley slept out in
Kansas atmosphere under blankets for
nothing, and now he wants s., 900 night
for sleeping OF the latest improved spring
bed.
Some of Congressman Peters admiring
constituents presented him with hand
some parlor set the other day. Mr.. Peters
is now rustling around trying to raise a
parlor
A year ago ingalls, could have nipped
the fight against him in the bud by the
ri t of three offices-one to Father Esk-
ridge, one to Luther Challis, and one to
Gen. Rice.
Most of the supposed Dan Anthony arti-
cles in the Leavenworth Times are written
by an assistant editor. His instructions
are: Fight everything unless otherwise
ordered"
Succi. the faster's effort of going forty
five days without food, has lost a great
amount of its interest to the public since
it has been announced that his mother
used to run boarding house.
The Alliance is going to try to change
the constitution of the United States on
the inelegibibility to the presidency of
persons born in other lands. Jerry Simp-
son was born in New Brunswick.
There is beautiful little artificial lake
at the Soldiers home at Leavenworth,
which covers about five acres. 1t is full Of
black bass and croppie, which are so tame
that they will eat out of a mans hand.
"Pa," said Jerry Simpsons little boy
the other day as he picked up letter
directed to his father, what does that
Hon mean before your name?' and the
sockless sage replied: '''Honest,' my son."
Senator Rush thinks it would be no
trouble to elect Republican to the
United States senate if ingalls, was out of
the way. Rush doesn't like Senator In
gals and he is always throwing paper
wads at him.
There is some danger that the Kansas
militia may be ordered at any time to the
Behring Sea. The war department seems
to take great pleasure in putting our
militia in a position where they cannot
warm up to cause.
When a Kansas man comes out from a
consultation with Senator ingalls,, the dis
lance between what he has really found
out and what he gives the reporter to
understand he could tell if he were at
liberty, is simply awful
''If Mrs. Lease had directed the same
efforts toward religion that she has i'll
politics, she would be in the Salvation
Army" an exchange remarks This is
not so. Mrs. Lease formerly belonged to
the Catholic church, but she fell out with
it, and went over to the Christian church
Senator Edmunds: 81 can not but be-
lieve that when the mists of the late cleo
ton have cleared away, that the calm
judgment of the people will be able to
recognize in him a man who has never
deserted his post, and one who has been
faithful to both state and party. What
ever his constituents, be they farmers,
or of whatever trade or pro-
fession and possessed of proper pride.
Senator ingalls, will be returned. He is
the most brilliant and acute man in the
senate, and l trust that Kansas will con-
tinue to honor him as he has honored her"
The guessers on what Jerry Jerry Simp-
son got in his stocking for Christmas are
similar TO the state of affairs
the minister who was catechizing a young
ster, arrived at. The boy doubted the
statement that God is everywhere" rs
He in this room?" Yes "''Is He in the next
room?" YES" rs He upstairs" Yes"
us He in the Kitchen" Yes" WELL"
said the undiscouraged youth. ''I've got
you now, is He in my pocket" Yes"
replied the minister again. II thought
had you that time" said the boy. He
amt in there, cause l amt got any
nncketr'