Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-09-18

was crooked"
"Well, is it 2"
"Why, no; it runs in straight line
from Broadway to the river."-[ Mum
sey's Weekly.
MAKING HIMSELF SOLID.
Miss-I used to play chess when was
little girl, but I've forgotten all about
the game now.
He (gallantly)-What! Forgotten SO
soon?
MISSING DATA.
Though history much that's ancient
brings,
1t nowhere gives the date of birth
OF two most widely mentioned things
Old Father Time and Mother Earth.
Il Chicago Herald.
A GRACEFUL COMPLIMENT.
Miss Robinson-How do you think
this dress suits me g.?
Miss Tangle-First rate. You look
charming in it. Why, 1 hardly knew
you.-[Wes shore.
misunderstood.
She Gas he places his arm around her
waist)-Stop right where you are, sir
He daking firmer hold)-Willingly,
my dear.-[Epoch.
AND THE MEN.
She Indignantly don't think you
give the girls credit for thinking of any
thing else but dress.
He (suavely)-Oh, you wrong me! l
do give you credit for thinking of more
than dress.
She-Of what else2
He-Bonnets.-[Ep Epoch.
POINT WHERE ALL AGREE.
A man may be protectionist,
And although he may earnestly insist
He'd tax every article on the list
And brag and blow and harp, it
Is safe to say as he walks at night
With baby that's bowling with all its
might
And steps on point that is keen and
bright,
He's opposed to the tacks on the car
pet. -[Chicago Post.
HIS TRUTHFULNESS DlSCREDITED.
Lawyer-Well, sir, we won the case,
but it was pretty narrow victory.
Client-Yes, thought the other side
had us until you showed that their prin-
cipal witness was tisherman.- Munsey's
Weekly.
STILL IN THE RING.
$50 you were soldier2 Did you go
clear through the rebellion2"
'No. I married during the war and
have not got through the rebellion yet"
Il Detroit Free Press.
HE WAS NOT LATE.
Snagsley has some reputation as wit.
The other evening he attended private
theatrical, to which he felt obliged to go,
although he knew he would be dreadfully
bored. As he entered the vestibule the
hostess said to him reproachfully:
ooh, Mr.. Snagsly, how late you are p
''Has Mile. Schreechirini sung yeti"
''No, but she is just about to-"
'"Then am not late," said Snagsley,
~ am premature"
IN THE UMBRELLA SHOP.
~ suppose you have bigger trade
when it rains than when it doesn't rain, >
he said to the dealer in umbrellas.
"No, don't notice any difference"
said the umbrella dealer.
''But you get better prices when ii
rains, don't YOU"
"Why should II"
"Why, umbrellas go up then, don't
they"
He just got out of the store in time to
escape being poked in the eye by new
! style ladies' sunshade. Il Boston Courier
BRILLIANT SCHEME.
Hostess-Dear me, the conversation is
tagging. What can we do to amuse our
guestsa
Host-I don't know, unless we leave
the drawing room for few minutes and
give them chance to talk about u.s.
New York Sun.
MAKING HERSELF AGREEABLE.
Little May-Little girls ought to try to
make themselves agreeable to gentlemen,
oughtn't they, Uncle George2
Uncle George-Of course, my dear.
Little May-Especially when they are
very rich and very old, like you-at least
that's what mamma told me- Munsey's
Weekly.
AN EXCELLENT REASON WHY.
Miss Rose-How dreadfully stuck up
that Miss Paistie is.
Jack Rounder-Well, she ought to be.
Her father owns one of the largest glue
factories in the country.
NOT so STUPID AS HE LOOKS.
Jane-You seem to be unhappy,
Emma.
Emma-Yes, have been deceived in
my husband. When married him |
supposed that it was not my money, but
myself that he loved.
"And now you have found out that it
was not you at all, but only your money
he was after"
"Alas! that is what know now to a
certainty"
"Well, there is one consolation for
you, and that is that your husband is not
as stupid as he looks. "-[Texas Siftings.
BALLED UP.
Seedy Individual have, sir, q Joke
on the word ball You see there are
snow balls, base balls, fancy dress balls,
and baby bawls, and-you don't want
it2
Editor-No! !
"All rightl Then I must appeal to
| ~.