Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-05-18
SAID IN FUN.

Mrs. Gilroy-"Here's patent-medicine
man who offers dictionary with every
bottle of medicine" Gilroy - THAT'S
right. The dictionary is good for bad
spells"
Able Editor-'T notice that you never
write anything about men getting drunk
and having the tremens." Humorist-
'No, sir" "Why not?" 81 have had
em myself"
Cumso-"My dear, do you think that
our occupations in the next world will be
the same as in this?" Mrs Cumso-
"Well, l should be sorry to think you
would smoke as much there as here"
The Persian's heaven is easily msde,
IT'S but black eyes and lemonade"
Sang Moore without abiding to
The more consistent home made brew,
The Celtic version of the skies,
Requires but whisky and black eyes,
Teacher-"What's the matter? You
look all pulled up" Pupil-"I began
studying the Welsh language last night
and accidentally swallowed the word
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS That's
ALL"
Enamored Swain-"For you, darling, Il
wad lay me doom and dec" Practical
maiden-"That sort of thing is quite out
of date, Willie. What girl wants now
adays is man who is willing to get up
and hustle for her."
'What do you mean," said an irate guest
at Kansas hotel, "by sending me to room
with no curtains on the windows facing
the streets" "Dot vas all right" replied
the landlord, 'der glass vas SO dirdy dot no
curtains ware needed"
Mamma" said little girl as they
draggled along in the rain without an UNI
brella, show old is General Greedy ?" "Old
enough to know BETTER" snapped the
mother as she thought of the fair weather
predictions in the morning papers.
"Ma," exclaimed Cedric as he rushed
into the house, 81 'spect pa is about killed"
''Why, what do you mean? Who told
you ?" 81 heard number of men talking,
an one of 'em said that he and pa threw
bosses. and both of 'em were on pa"
mamma, l know the gentleman's name
that called to see Aunt Ellie last night and
nobody told me, either" "Well, then,
what is it, Bobbie ?" "Why, George Don't.
l heard her say George don't in the parlor
four or five times hand running. That's
what his name is"
A boy was asked which was the greater
evil, hurting another's feeling or his finger.
"The feelings" he said. "Right, my dear
child" said the gratifed questioner. "But
why is it worse to hurt the feelings ?" "Be-
cause you can't tie rag round Them"
answered the child.
"Wait minute, DEAR" she called coax
ingly, as she was leisurely putting
on her gloves. "Time and tide wait for
no man." he responded impatiently, at the
foot of the stairs "And | am no man."
she said, with hooking little laugh that
he felt like throwing hundred dollar vase
at.
81 do not see what you do with all your
pocket money" said his wife. "Why, /
have to get lunch down town each day."
he replied. "But that should not cost you
SO week. am sure that l could get a
very nice lunch for quarter" "But you
see, try to be economical and patronize
the free lunch places"
Judson-"Come and have game of
billiards, Robbins" Robbins-"Can't to-
night, Gus" Judson-"What's to pre-
vent" Robbins-"Well, my wife pad
locked the pedometer on me when left
the house, and she knows Just how much
it registers from the house to the office and
back again"
The first fly of spring to the air spread his
wing,
For warmer was growing the weather;
While roaming about, another thawed out,
He met, and they flew off together.
To playho they went, on forage intent
And the people there present did scan,
And one to the other said, laughingly.
Brother,
Get on to the bald headed man.
"Great Scottp shrieked an old maid
during the recent cold snap, "isn't it
frightfully cold?" "Indeed it is" replied |
another maiden about two years her junior |
81 am sure we never have had such
weather as this before" ~ think you are
right; at least that seems to be the general |
opinion of all the oldest inhabitants"
smiled the junior with significance.
A lady was singing at a concert, and her
voice was, to say the least, very thin in
places "Ah," said her husband, who, after !
the manner of husbands who have musical
wives, thought her vocal powers very great,
"what fine voice she has" Every fine"
replied strange man at his side. |
"What timber % continued the husband. |
considerable timber" responded the |
stranger again, "but too many cracks in
it for Notwithstanding, and not enough for
a paling fence" The husband remained |
silent during the concluding portions of
the entertainment