The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1890-03-07
TALK OF THE pA,

TALK OF THE DAY.
The glazier's occupation is pane
full one.
1t is natural for cattle king to try
to impoaa. .1he yoke. .,->..
The accordion skirt has gone out of
style. 1t was too loud.
The proprietor Of gaming-houso
should never abuse his betters.
The human race is run on the course
OF true love. as q general thing.
When young men idolize young ladies'
they are apt to tell great many idle
| lies.
All those who pass through the door
to success will find it labeled .'push."
Oil City Blizzard.
The reason why hen lays an egg is
because she can't stand it on cnd.-
Binghampton Lender.
Your scheme won't work on Wall
street." "Why not?'' 1T won't hold
water. er."-Munsey's Weekly.
Since young Jones began visiting
Miss Brown. the parlor lamp in tho
Brown domicile is the latest thing out.
"Is the cashier in?" asked the caller
ut the bank. ..Ycs. SIR" was the re-
ply: ''He's in jaiL"-Washington
Post.
He-"Miss Wayting. you arc puz-
zle TO me. I never knew how 10 take
you" She (shyly)-"You never
tried"
A writer stated in a recent obitu.r;
notice that 1.-The deceased was born in
his native town, where he has ever
since residcd.''
Cobwigger-"I have the prettiest
typewriter In town." Browa-"Can
she spell well?" Cobwiggcr-"Didn't
tell you she was pre,ty!"
A Maine man who has invented q
flying machine has hired another man
to try the thing, This inventor may
not ba such u fool after all.
No need to: Charles-..I have Just
come back from sail" Robert-..Did
you hug the shoreo" Charles-"No; 1
had Miss Mildred with me. Epoch.
Hitherto patient boartier: ..Mrs.
Staryem, l can stand having hash every
day in tho week. but, when on Sunday.
you put raisins in it and call it mince
pie. draw the line.''
An Ohio girl suel Il man for breach
OF: promise. and proved him such q
mean scoupdrcl that the jury decided
that sho ought TO pay him something
for not marrying her.
"Here's a Connecticut man lust died.
Papa says he smoked more herrines
In year than any ten other men in
New England" "Preferred herriuos
to Connecticut cigars, l suppose"
''Very we'll. then" she exclaimed.
to make u concession. II cannot denv
that l have my faults" Husband.
hastily: No doubt of that. Wife.
more hastily still: shall like to know
what they are.
A Connecticut girl listened to Ions.
declaration OF love pathetic and pro.
posing from young man, and then
knocked all the poetry out of him bv
saying; "Now let U, talk about YOUR
business affairs"
AGentle Hiut-Book agent-.Here
Is that book, ma'aln, How to Play the
flano' Lady of the house-..What
Dook! didn't order any book.'
NO m, but the neighbors did. and
they told me TO bring it to you"
Etymology---"How do you do. my
little NAN? I'm your neXt-door neigh-
Dor: you Know" whats neigh
borP" We'll, neigh means nigh;
that is. near unu-" "Oh, thank
you. know what bore melns!'
Ills Precedent Peacemaker;
"Don't you know it is very wrong to
fight little boy?What does the good book
sayp' Tommy (who has just polished
OH the GLASS bullyl: dunno. l amt
read it further than David and Ger
lire.
''Yes, gentlemen of'the jury" urged
the prisoners counsel, .'not only ought
my client to be acquitted, but he should
be paid the sum OF five hundred dollars
offered by the shoemaker to anyone
able 10 force open one of his strong
boxes. ."-.Judgc.
II this country crusade keeps I'D it
will soon be SO that u man will not he
allowed to wear u white shirt ON the
Sabbath day on account of the work
he will necessarily have to do in get
tingn large eollar-button through a
small hutton-holc
Newly accepted suitor-''Well, Bob
by. you will have IL new uncle soon: I
am your Aunt Mury's choice for a hus-
band" Bobby (surprised) - "Well,
that's strange. heard her tell mann
ina only yesterday that you were Hob
sons choice. Life.
MRS. Seeker-"I have two daughters
in society this winter. and Pm on the
TO all the tina, You: daughter isn't
going Cut much, ! believer Mrs.
f0und-"Oh, no. You see she got en-
gagged last October and She doesn't
have to. o.'-Washlngton Star.
wei! my dear madam and how are
yoa to-day" 20, doctor, l have ter
rible pains over my whole body and it
seems impossible to breathe! OF
course. can't sleep at all; and have
ut u particle OF appetizer ..But other.
wise you feel all right, don't you?" -
she-"Are you fond OF music, Mr.
Snell?' He-'Well. l don't know
tell you the truth, we've had u piano
IN the house so long that really don't
remember: but think-that is to say.
! have a faint tmpression--I was fond
81 1t great many years ago. Boston
Transcript.
1t Is ono OF tho wonders OF the
world that IL young lady can sit
around the house all day with u piece
OF red flannel raped around hor
throat. nursing her influenza, and in
the evening dress up to see her beau.
the healthiest woman in cxistence.-
Texas Siftings,
While passing farm in Virginia the
figure OF an elderly man. whose attire
was noticeable for the utter absence of
An decorative efforts, was seen leaning
against the fence. .How arc you get
ting along down heree" .Jes' cittin'
long; no mo'h." "Good farm?" "Fa,h."
'Can you raise anything on it?" "Con-
sid'ble. jes raised seventy-Gv dol
lahs on 1t; fohth mortgage. too".
Washington Post.