Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-01-15

it won't, for long walks to church through the
snow are too delightful"
So we seem to be having more than our
share of abnormal weather.
&=H
TWo-FACED JANUARY.
Month OF Janus. rightly named
For the two-taced Roman god,
II you are not now ashamed
OF your conduct 1t is odd.
God of peace and god Of war,
Facing either way at will
Open wide thy temple door!
Or close 1t tightly on the sill.
January, smile and thawl
Summer give us now for goodl
Or let winter wild and raw,
Settle in this neighborhood! II. J.
#.#
TTiS amusing to hear livery stable keeper
make remarks about the weather. Amem-
ber of this honorable guild said to me the other
day: II have not let a sleigh for three winters
now. In the loft have about score of sleighs,
cutters, bobsIeds Russian sleighs, all sorts, just
moldering away"
In the winter of 1887 fair Alleghenian ex-
pressed a desire for a sleigh ride. Her best
young man was present at the time, ana he then
and there promised not only to give her what
she asked for, but to give her the first ride in
new sleigh. That day he wrote to New York
and ordered of a celebrated firm the best cut
ter they made. He received a very handsome
cutter a week later, and with it an equally
handsome BILL
He has had the felicity of paying that bill but
neither he nor his inamorita has pressed the
cushions of the cutter yet.
#xk
F UNICE VANCE, the pert little English girl,
made terrific effort to localize one OF her
songs on Monday night at the Bijou.
1t was in the second verse where she had to
describe "Little Tottie Coughdrop's" peram-
bulations in London, that she made the heroic
effort. The song, I suppose, originally made
Tottle stroll down Regent street or Oxford
street-anyway, the end of the second line had
to rhyme with the word ''meet." Miss Vance
changed the locality to Fifth avenue" but
that hardly gave satisfactory rhyme to
meet"
RY the way. the other song Miss Vance sings
about the Quaker she met on Peckham
Rye puzzled one Pittsburger dreadfully. He
did not know that Peckham Rye is one of the
popular breathing places of Southeast London;
a scrubby common free to all comers, where
good deal of cricket and football is played at
the appropriate seasons, and some picnicking
and much sparkling. His only conception of
Rye was that which a bottle or a Ean can ac-
commodate. Therefore the mixture of tea and
shrimps and Peckham Rye "a popular brand of
whisky, he supposedly which occurs in the song,
gave him fearful idea of British morals. 1t
was positive pleasure to undeceive him.
TO LAST NIGHTS BRIDEGROOM!
So you, mon ami, come at last
To take back ev'ry gibe you've cast
At marriage and before the mast
Are humbly serving:
Where You were wont to rule the ship
skipper's come to make you skip
hope she will not spare the whip
You are deserving.
All, scOferl mind you how you sworc-
Fair tickle Julia was the score
You meier would IIbation pour
At Hymen's sltarg
You even wrote rhyme or two,
To tell us you soon would WOO
The hangman's rope, as take on you
husbands halter.
All, hereticI Escape you shan'tI
Mount! mount the pulpit and recant
Your wicked errorsI and descant
On Hymen's virtuel
And then-though still we burn you may,
The flames ofyour auto de fe-
That was the Inquisition's way
Shall never hurt you.
You cry for mercy? IT'S notI
Can grant the boon, the powers lie
With her, whose smile and simple sigh
Have served to snare you.
In this equation you are K;
She represents her glorious sex
My verdict would be fat Lerl
But she will spare you.
HEPBURN JoHNs