The Mason County journal. [volume] (Shelton, W.T.) 1886-1927, 1890-06-20
THEY STAYED AT HOME.
Why Mr.. and Mrs. McSwat Were Not at
Church One Sunday Morning.

Church One Sunday Morning.
eff you don't hurry up, Lobelia, -
urged Mr.. McSwat, as he fidgeted about
in front of the mirror, trying to find a
necktie that would harmonic with his
mustache, well be late to church.
never could understand" he protested,
accidentally stepping on the cat and
causing howl that raised the nap on
his spring (of 1889 overcoat; 81 never
could understand you yowling
beast!-why it takes woman so long to
dress. Lobelia, what have you done
with my cuff-buttons Where the Sam
Hill are those cuff-buttons?"
81 think, Billiger, they are"
"Lobelia, don't try to talk with your
mouth full of hair-pins. Where are the
suff-buttons? If you want me to go to
church with you this morning you'll
have to turn up those blooming, idiotic
,uff-buttons!'
''Have you looked in the soiled cuffs
you took off last night, Billiger?" in
Iuired Mrs. McSwat, calmly adjusting
her frizzes.
Billiger had not. He hunted up the
:uffs and found the buttons.
"1f you knew they were there why
lidn't you say SOP" he demanded, in an
Injured tone, as he sat down hard on
'hair and proceeded to put in the but
tons, telescope the cuffs on his shirt
Ileeves, and slide them back and forth
till the focus seemed to be about right.
II shall be ready for church, Mrs. Nc
Swat, he continued, majestically, Gin
about two minutes. How long do you
intend to keep me waiting?"
81 have nothing to do, Billiger," an
'wered Mrs. McSwat, giving a few fin
shing dabs to her front hair, except to
put on my bonnet and gloves"
"Well, where's the bonnet!" vocifer-
tied her husband, as he jumped up,
erked on his coat, smoothed his silk
hat. secured his cane, gloves and over
,oat, and sat down again. "Trot out the
miraculous bonnet, Lobelia. haven't
seen it yet. Where is it?''
II brought it down few minutes
AGO." replied Mrs. McSwat, who was
cooking about with evident anxiety,
and laid it down here, but 1 don't see
It. thought put it on chair
"On-on chair, Lobelia?" echoed
Mr.. McSwat, feebly, a dreadful sus-
picion crossing his mind.
"Yes Can it be-why, Billiger, you
surely wouldn't-O, o, Or she screamed.
See what you have done!'
For Billiger had risen to his feet and
vas looking in silence at the chair on
which he had been sitting.
There, on the seat, were the crushed
emains of once glorious bonnet. 1t
vas fattened, shapeless mass, even
more hideous in its ruin than it had
'een in its original grandeur
"Lobelia," said Mr. McSwat, in adeep.
nelo-dramatic voice, sit is fallen. We
nay now pause before this splendid
PRODIGY"
"How could you, o, how could you do
t, Billiger?' she walled, sinking hope
essly on another chair.
81 didn't recognize it as the bonnet.
Lobelia," he replied penitently. 'Is saw
t, but supposed it to be bunch of col
red tissue paper, or crumpled tidy, or
flesh towel, or something of that kind.
amt you fix it up again somehow" he
inquired anxiously. "Can't it beer
Inflated again or mashed together the
'ther way so you can make it do?'
Mrs. McSwat looked witheringly at
Ter crest-fallen husband, stalked out of
he room without a word, and nobody
rom the McSwat household went to
ervice anywhere on that Sabbath
hicago Tribune.
what is the trouble between you
and your husba1d?" HE makes me
jealous of certain ladies'" I'm what
way?" HE mentions having met them
when wasn't with him." Pooh! they
are not the ones to be afraid Of 'sWho.
then?" '"Those whom he hasn't men
toned. Chicago Times.
Miss Slyppe-"Mr. Penfeather is so
easily embarrassed, don't you think? /
asked him yesterday to tell me lust
what he really thought of me and he
was SO taken by surprise that he couldn't
say word Mss Flyppe-'sTha was
not embarrassment, it was merely no.
Itteness "-Tsrre Haute Express.