The Mason County journal. [volume] (Shelton, W.T.) 1886-1927, 1890-09-26
PHILOSOPHER DuNpER.
some OF His Wise Sayings Worked Ov

|
Some of His Wise Sayings Worked Owe,
Into German.
1t vhas no fun to kick man whovhas
too meek to resent it, und it vhas no use
to argue NIT man who vhas too deaf
to hear you.
Eaten If we haf bird in our handt
we vhas always looking for some more
In der bushes. Human nature yhas
nefer quite satisfied.
When l comes home at midnight und
my wife says notings, den / know dat
she vhas camped on my trail und Will
make me tired. When she jaws und
blows und cries, den knows she yhas
soon oafer it und doan care.
While l detest selfish people, I hab
discovered dat what pleases me der most
Is also very satisfactory to the major.
ity of the pooblic.
My nabur on the left hand believes
dot shildren should be brought oop by
moral suasion. Der one on my right be-
llefs dot one licking vhas better ash five
suaslons. Each vhas sooch firm be-
lever dot it lets my boy oudtaltogether
und he has his own vhay.
1t Wasn't der man in der grocery so
mooch as der people who trade nit him
DOT vhas responsible. All of us know
What he will say to us when we ask him
II dot box holds quart of strawberries.
1t vhas purity good advice dot you
doan' bet on somebody else's game, but
1t vhas better advice dot you doan' bet
at all.
L doan' know how oldt dis worldt vhas.
nor how long it took to make it, but I
belief my health vhas better dan as if I
SIT oop nights to wonder about her.
sometimes | meet man who argues
NIT me dot der Democratic candidate
vhas der best. Sometimes l meet man
who offers to bet me feefty dollar dot
der Republican vhas der best. 1t vhas
dot vhay in politics-you vhas either
out-argued or bluffed
Women must be averaged up der same
as man. Nature made her to weep over
her husbands grave one spring, und
take on second by der next mitout any
weeping. Dot vhas all right When a
man vhas dead he vhas no good to any
body.
1t seems to me, if should set oudt to
educate boy for State prison und der
gallows, der first shtep I should take
would be to ridicule the Bible und laugh
at der idea of God.
can keep hens und feel all right to-
wards my neighbors, but it is strange
dot When my neighbors keep hensI vhas
mad at 'em all der time!-Detroit Free
procc
JUSTICE NEVER SLEEPS.
An Ohio Solomon Proves the Fact to an
Obstinate Prisoner.
While at the post-office in an Ohio
village heard the report that muir
derer had been captured, and so l fol-
lowed the crowd to the lookup to learn
more about it. There found a prison
er whose every appearance proved the
professional tramp. He was about forty
years of age, very cool, and he greeted
the charge of murder with laugh. In
short time he was taken before a JUS
tice of the peace for examination, and /
found seat in the crowd. One look at
the justice satisfied me that he realized
the awful gravity of the situation and
felt the foundation stone of the
United States resting on his broad
back.
prisoner" he began, ''don't trife
with this court, for it won't be al
lowed"
"Who's going to trifle?" was the ans
wer.
Don't you do it, sir-don't you do
1t! Now. then, do you want to con-
fess?"
ITO what?"
"Cold- blooded murder!"
"Where?"
SIN Cleveland"
"When?"
'Last night at eight o'clock"
''Humph! How far is it to Cleveland,
Squirrel"
NINETY miles,
'And I slept all night in barn back
here three miles?''
'9That's SO, Judge" said farmer in
the crowd. HE came along at nine
o'clock last night and let him in there"
"You are sure?'
"Positive."
"And you won't confess?" he asked of
the prisoner.
''How can I-being as Ihave done moth
ing?"
"Very well; such obstinacy deserves
punishment, and sentence you to the
county Jail for ninety days"
''What for?''
'"To prove to you that Justice never
sleeps, sir-never. You may think she
do, but she don't-she don't, sir. You
have been overtaken at last, sir-at last,
sir; and the constable will take charge
of the prisoner, and court is adjourned"
IN. Y, Sum-