davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
HUMOROUS.

--"You don't catch me ever getting
drunk again" "Why not?" Because
while on my last spree paid all my
debts. "-Fliegende Blatter.
"A close observation is likely tolead
to the conclusion that what the human
mind most Graves is some slight pre-
text for going crazy. Washington Post
"A Boston child, becoming impatient
at its mothers delay in hearing its
evening prayers, exclaimed: Come,
mamma, Dod's a-waitin'. Lowell Mail.
-Teacher-"Now, can any OF the
pupils tell me what is meant by the
nave of the church," Bright Boy
"The man who takes up the collec-
tion. America.
1t is claimed that an able-bodied
whale can spout all day without getting
tired. An able-bodied lawyer can do
the same thing, but it makes the jury
very weary. Rams Horn.
--"Woll, must go now," said Chollie.
"Whats your hurry?" asked Ethel. "Its
Ave minutes Of twelve, and my motto in
life is: Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do to-day '"-Lynn Press.
--"Did you make much OH your last
stock deal?" mo; lost seven hundred
dollars" but thought that MacDol.
lars gave you pointer" He did; but
it proved to be disappointer. r."-The
Bostonian.
CHARITY, my dear breddern, kivers
multitude of sins, but of 20 glib one
cent to an organ grinders monkey ii
doan entitle 20 to go around wild er
smile on yo face as If yo wuz ez inner
cent oh sin ez two-days-old baby
Rev. Pink PUNK.
Tho Beauties of Venice. we
went all over Europe, but papa really
only enjoyed himself in venicer' "Ah,
yes, no wonder! The gondolas. st.
Marks, the Rialto, the" 'Oh, il
wasn't that. But he could sit in the
hotel, you know, and fish out Of the
windows. s."-Philadelphia Times.
The Rival Lawyers. First Lawyer
MY client is charged with grave Of
fense and should be granted an imme.
diate hearing" Second Lawyer-"My
clients case should be first heard, your
Honor. lie is accused OF stealing an
etcher's kit, and insist that his is Q
graver offense. Jewellers Weekly
An Englishman claims to have pro-
duced phone" which magnifies the
human voice until an ordinary whisper
can be heard half mile away. With
such phone" woman ought to be
able to make her twelve-year-old son,
who is playing marbles in the street,
hear her when she calls him to perform
an errand-but it wouldn't be safe TO bet
on it-No-ristown Herald.
Where knowledge Fails. --Knowl.
edge is power; knowledge Is food,
drink and raiment 10 him VINO hath an
abundant supply. It has built the
mighty city where once the forest stood,
it has put girdle around the earth,
and built peanut roaster that runs by
clock work. 1t plows the sea, walks on
tho oceans bed, and makes the planets
come down and talk OF things no,
dreamed Of in the philosophy Of other
days; but 1t can not, and never will. be
able to keep country school.teachel
fat while he has TO board rounl and
take bis chances With lea's and famine
-Ran's Horn.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
ANECDOTES OF RINGS.
In Queen Mary'p Time They We're EN-
plOyed on Errands of Mercy.


ployed on Errands of Mercy.
The value of ring as messenger OF
grace was exempliiied in tho stormy
days of Queen Mary of Scotland, says
the London Matchmaker, Jeweler and
Silversmith. Two burgesses had been
condemned to death, but were reprieved
at the foot of the gallows by Her Majes-
ty. The messenger was sent in great
haste by the Earl OF Boutwell, and pro-
sented the Queens ring TO the pro-
vost's inspection for the safety OF the
mems lives. This was considered
sufficient ntindicatio of the royal clemen-
cy, and the revival of an ancient custom
practlced by Scottish monarchs before
the date of the earliest sign manual on
record, when every thing in church and
state was represented in types and
symbols.
Swearing by the ring was practice
in early times. In the Chronicle OF
Florence of Worcester we read "a. ID.
S76): 'And in this same year the army
of the Danes in England swore oaths to
King Alfred upon the holy ring, which
before they would not do to any nation,
and they delivered to the King hostages
from the most distinguished men in the
army that they would speedily depart
from, the kingdom" Among the early
Scandinavian nations it was customary
to give additional sanctity to an oath
by taking it upon ring or bracelet
smeared with the blood OF sacrifice.
A singular "memento" ring was worn
by Carl Hoffman, for many years chief
editor of the Wiener Tageblatt, who
died some time ago at Vienna, Austria.
Down to his last hour he wore upon the
fore finger of his right hand an iron
ring which, about three decades before,
he had made ont of link of the chains
he had borne as a political prisoner
during two long and weary years of in
generation varied by hard labor.
Rings as we know, were given as prizes
at tournaments athletic sports, such as
wrestling, horse and foot races and
shooting with the bow in former times.
One of the most singular rewards of this
kind was for 'grinning" matches.
In connection with wedding rings
may be mentioned tho following Curl
Gus notice in one of the marriage regis
ters of the Church of st. James, Bury
St Edmunds: 1882, November 5, Chris
topher Newsam-Charity Morrell; Char
ity Morrell being entirely without arms,
the ring was placed upon the fourth toe
Of the left foot, and she wrote her name
in this register with her right foot"
At the marriage of Napoleon !. with
the Austrian Archduchess, upon receiv-
ing the benediction ring, he asked:
"Why did not the Empress Josephine
give me ring?" The reply was: ''Be-
cause, sire, it is tho custom in France
that only the bridegroom gives the
ring. "Ah," said Napoleon, that is
goodw and whispered in M. Pradts ear:
But do you know why the women re-
ceive the ring? 1t is custom founded
on the Roman law which ordained that
all slaves should wear rings and, as
the women are our slaves, they ought tc
wear this badge of servitude."
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
HAPPENS EVERY DAY.
why the Indignant Citizen Thirsted fol-
the Conductor's Discharge,

why the Indignant Citizen Thirsted for
the Conductors Discharge.
81 wish to make a complaint" said a
man who entered the City railway office
the other day.
"Very we'll, SIR" was the reply.
ut is against a conductor"
YES"
81 was going up on Gratiot avenue
car, and"
"What was tho number of the carp"
II dunno. / was going up on the car,
and the conductor he"
"Do you know his name?"
mo, sir whistled at him and he
never paid the least attention"
"Why did you whistler"
II wanted the car"
But you said you we're going up on
the car.
II meant that | wanted to go up
And you whistled?"
II Ibid"
And the car didn't stop?"
at didn't"
"And what did you do then?"
Took the next one"
"Ahl yesl We will of course have
the conductor discharged. Good-dayw
Detroit Free Press.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
One Dollar Per Year.
PERSONAL. AND LITERARY.

Nearly IS, 900 copies of Stanlevt
and about 25, 600 in London.
Herr Strauss accidentally burned
the third act OF new opera while de-
stroying lot of waste paper.
In Greenville, Tenn, still stands
the old building in which Andrew
johnson once piled the tailors needle.
John Morley attends high mass at
the Brompton Oratory in London with
great regularity on Sunday when Par
lament is in session. lie has great
liking for sacred music, and also enjoys
hearing the preaching OF tho Catholic
priests.
Among the Oldest officers in the
German army, in point of service, is
Theodor Won Fries, of Munich, General
of infantry, chief of the Bavarian Engi.
neor Corps and inspector of fortifica-
tions He recently began the fiftieth
year of his military service.
Mrs. Joseph Douette, pure-blood
Puyallup widow, is worth $3.50, 900. Her
ranch of 100 acres on Browns Point is
the most valuable property on the
reservation. There are scores OF In
dians on the Puyallup Reservation that
are worth from $50, 900 to S75, 900 each.
"A strange story has just been pub
lished in Germany on the strength of a
letter from an eyewitness, now dead,
to the effect that General Abel Douay.
who fell at the battle OF Worth, was
really shot by an officer in Turco regi-
ment, who was furious at Douay's order
TO retreat
Prof Schellbach, teacher to the late
Emperor Frederick while he was
young Prince, mentions, in published
"reminiscences of his pupil, that the
Empress Augusta always superintended
FredericlS's education personally and
would occupy herself with nocdlework
or the like during the lessons.
Prince Meshtshersky, editor and
proprietor of Grashdanin, the official
| journal of Russia, makes a serious pro-
posal to his government to forbid the
publication of all newspapers in Russia
excepting his own. He would spare
his own for the reason that it is the off,
cial organ, and, therefore, necessary
evil. The Gar is considering the mat
ter, and, being the Gar, journalists in
Russia need lot be surprised If he fol-
lows the suggestion of Meshtshersky.
There are not few accomplished
writers among the business men of New
York;" said an up town merchant as he
sat in his library. THAT large volume
on the table is the work of New York
grocer whose firm is known all over the
city. Here is scientific treatise writ
ten by one OF our heavy importers.
This is book of poetry from the brain
of broker in Wall street. / can show
you several tones from the pen of a cap.
italist whose iron furnaces were blazing
when he wrote them Look at the
work done for L.agazines and papers by
business leaders / tell you we have
plenty of such men in New York who
know how to think. IN. Y. Sun.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
DARNlNo SOCKS.

] like to watcn her sitting there,
The lamplight on her jetty hair,
Her eyes down bent upon the socks
While she so slowly. slowly rocks
The wooden chair seems quite throne,
And she upon II all my own;
All. Dear May, you look so sweet.
In plain home dress that's always neat.
Her slippers peep out Just below.
On feet that sure forgot 10 grow;
Her hands are dimplcd, warm and white,
And always busy still at night
I like TO watch her darning socks,
while slow the old armchair rocks,
For she's 4 picture sitting there,
The lamplight On her jetty hair
Harvey N. Bloomer, in Jury
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

A total OF thirty-fve days, six hours!
But these calculations include slow
stages of travel. Forty miles an hour
on the two great NJ roads
will reduce the time by more than five
days; and such time will certainly be
made in answer to commercial necessi-
ties. Already steamers swift as the
great Atlantic vessels are being con-
structed for the great Pacific run.
Thus, BY mechanical suppression Of
time, the planet is ever being made
smaller for us
Perhaps, when it shall have begun to
seem too small, man will turn more
readily to the study of that vaster world
within himself-whose deeps are vet
unsounded and untraveled. whose only
horizon is the infpite. Hearn,
in Harper's Magazine.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
r Z S

Broken Constitution,
Debility of Old Age,
Indigestion and Dyspepsia,
Heartburn and Sour Stomach,
Weight and Tenderness in Stomach.
Loss Of Appetite,
Frightful Dreams,
Dizziness and Ringing in the Ears,
Weakness of Extremities and
Painting,
Impure and Impoverished Blood,
Boils and Carbuncles,
Scrofula,
Scrofulous Swelling and Ulcers,
Consumption of the Lungs,
Catarrh of the Lungs,
Bronchitis and Chronic Cough,
Liver Complaint,
Chronic Diarrhea,
Delicate and Scrofulous Children,
Summer Complaint of Infants.
e,,rod hv th;s xyondarfi,l Neruine Tonic
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

AS for every Nervous Diseases remedy has been abo
compare with the Nervne Tonic which pleasant and harmless
the child the Oldest and most delicate nvd
ua Nnees all the ailments which the human family heir
dependent exhaustion and impaired digestion When there
supply of food in the Blood general state of debility Of
the spinal and is the result Starved like
muscles strong when the kind Of food supplied and
disappear the As tho
system must supply all the power by which the vital forces the
Ordinary food does sufficient quantity the Kind of nutment
repair the present mode Of living and labor imposes
For this becomes that food be
supplied production of American Continent has been
found by the essential elements out of which tissue
formed This for its magic power all forms of nervous
Ioronuap
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

Speaking of names, Miss Van Caster
linberry," observed the young man,
lingering his hat nervously, Il should
think yo1 would get tired, sometimes,
OF having to spell and pronounce your
own for strangers whoare introduced to
you. 1t is so long, you know"
20, no." said the young woman, II
don't mind it L like the name better
than any other know Of"
And Mr.. Short coughed vaguely and
changed the subject ct-Chicago Tribune.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

Nervousness and
Nervous Prostration,
Nervous Headache and
Sick Headache,
Female Weakness,
All Diseases of Women,
Nervous Chills,
Paralysis,
Nervous Paroxysms and
Nervous Choking
hot Flashes,
Palpitation of the Heart,
Mental Dependency,
Sleeplessness,
st. Vitus's Dance,
Nervousness of Females,
Nervousness Of Old Age,
Neuralgia,
Pains in the Heart,
Pains in the Back.
Failing Health.
All these and many other c,
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
Ercrssire All Round.

Jack Mallet-May | ask. Hoffy, how
much you paid Tor that suit of clothesf
Hoffman How es-Twelve pund; had
it made in England, ye know.
Jack Mallet-If you'd paid ten pounds.
ny boy. and 20, little less eloti, you'd
have had . better at-Pgck.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

Mrs. Westeud (who has tried to
economic by slipping into cheap seat
at the opera)-"Desr mel | didn't ex-
pect to see you here, Bridget" bridget
Mrs. Westend's sservant)-"0rm great
opery-goer, mum. Generally 0i sits in
the parksy. but seein' you comm up
stairs, oi followed on { kape ye CON.
pany."-N. Y. Weekly.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
AROUND THE WORLD.
Within q Few Years tho Trip Can Be
Made In Thirty Days.

Within q Few Years tho Trip Can To
Made In Thirty Days.
1t is nearly eight thousand miles from
hero to Japan, by the shortest OF all
Western routes to the Orient; and with
fair weather, shall see Yokohama in
about three weeks. Most OF us can re-
member time-not so very long ago
when such q journey would have been
journey Of many weary months. Never
theless what we now think rapid travel
ing will certainly within few years
seem very slow. Faster steamers and
swifter trains will make the circuit of
the world in thirty days a possible feat
In the present generation. Only the
completion of the Russian trans-Asiatic
road to Vladivostock is needed to create
the possibility. Taking London, the
worlds commercial capital, for start
ing-point, the following rates Of time
predicted will be found easily realiza-
BILE:
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

CnAwFoRDsvIILE, IND, Aug. 20, 'S6.
To the Great South American Medicine Co.:
DEAR GENTs:-I desire to say to you that /
have suffered for many years with very seri-
Gus disease OF the stomach and nerves. tried
every medicine | could hear of but nothing
done me any appreciablo good until ! was adj
vised TO try your Great South American Nervine
Tonic and Stomach and Liver Cure. and since
using several bottles of 1t must say that am
surprised at its wonderful powers to cure tho
stomach and general nervous system. II every
one knew the value of this remedy as do, you
would not be able to supply the demand.
J. A. HARDEE,
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

Mr.. Solomon Bond, d member OF the Society
Of Friends, OF Darlington, Ind, says: u have
used twelve bottles OF The Great South Ameri-
can Nervine Tonic ard Stomach and Liver Cure
and consider that every bottle did for me ono
hundred dollars worth OF good, because have
not had good nights sleep for twenty years
on account OF irritation, pain, horrible dreams,
and general nervous prostration, when mas
pepsia OF the stomach and by @ broken down
condition OF my nervous system. But now can
lie down and sleep all night as sweetly as baby,
and feel like a sound man. i do not think
there has ever been medicine introduced into
this Neryine Tonic as a cure for the stomach"
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
A SWORN CURE FOR ST. v

CsAwFoRDsvuLE, IND, May 10, 1886.
Nv daughter, twelve years old, had been az
flicted for several months with Chorea or st.
Vitus's Dance. She was reduced to a skeleton,
could not walk, could not talk, could not swal-
low ANYTHING but milk. l had to handle her
like an infant. Doctor and neighbors gave her
up. commenced giving her the South Ameri-
can Nervine Tonic; the effects were very sur
prising. In three days she was rid OF the ner-
vousness, and rapidly improved. Four bottles
cured her completely. l think the South
American Nervine the grandest remedy ever
discovered, and would recommend it to every
one. mrs. W. .. ENshiSShh'
Sala Mogtdo@ery Ss doaaagut County, }ss'
Subscribed and sworn to before mo this May
~. 1857, CHAs. NJ. TRAVIS, Notary Public.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

This wonderful Nervne Tonic has only recently been introduced
this country by the Great South American Medicine Company and yet
great curative has long been known by na
n Of South america & who rely almost wholly its great medicinal
This new and Valuable South TnIn @ uos Mowers and
qualities hitherto unknown the medical profession This medicine has
completely solved the problem the Indigestion Dyspepsia Liver
Complaints and diseases of the general Nervous 1t also all
forms Of falling health from whatever performs this by the Great
Nevne Tonic qualities which possesses and by its great curative powers
upon the digestive the stomach the liver the bowels remedy
compares with this wonderfully valuable Nne Tonic builder and
xenhener OF the life forces of the human body and of
broken down constitution also of real permanent value the
treatment and of diseases of the Lungs than consumption
females of all Ladies approaching the critical period known
as change in life should not fail this Nervne Tonic almost
constantly for the of two three 1t will them safely
the danger This great engthen and curative Of nesmabe
value e aged and n because its great enegng properties will
give them hold life will add ten fifteen years the lives of
many those who will half remedy each year.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
'S'S DANCE OR CHOREA.

CRAwroRDsvrLLE, IND, June %, 1887.
Ny daughter. eleven years old, was severely
afflicted with st. Vitus's Dance or Chorea. We
gave her three and one-half bottles Of South
American Nervine and she Is completely re-
stored. / believe it will cure every case of St
vitus's Dance. / have kept y in my family for
two years, and am sure 1t is the greatest REM
edy In the world for Indigestion and Dyspep-
sia, all forms OF Nervous Disorders and Failing
Health from whatever cause.
JOHN 7. MIsH.
State Of Indiana, 80.
Montgomery County, 90
Subscribed and sworn to before me this June
Q, 1887. CHAs. W: WRIGHT,
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

Mrs. Ella A. Bratton, of New Ross, Ind,
saws: 81 can not express how much owe
to the Nervine Tonic. My system was COM
coughing and splitting up blood; am sure
was in the first stages of consumption, an
Inheritance handed down through several
generations. i began taking. tho Nerv.ne
Tonic and continued its use for about SIX
months, and am entirely cured. IL IS the
grandest remedy for nerves, stomach anu
lungs have ever seem"
Ed J. Brown, Druggist, OF Edna, MO-,
writes: aMy health had been very poor for
wears. was coughing severely. i weighed
only il0 pounds when 1 eommeneed using
south American Nervine. have used two
hotties and now weigh l0 pounds, ana am
much stronger and better than nave peen
Tor i've wears. Am sure l would not nave
iived through the winter had not secured
This remedy. NY customers see what u mas
done for me and boy it eagerly. III gives
great satisfaction"
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

St0n1achfLiVer Cure
The Most Astonishing Medical Discovery OF
the Last One Hundred Years.

Il Is Pleasant to the Taste as the Sweetest Nectar
u is Safe and Harmless as the Purest Milk.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
NERVOUS DISEASES.

amy other complaints cured by this wonderful
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04

Mrs. NJ Russell, Sugar Greek Valley, Ind,
writes: 81 have used several bottles OF The
south American Nervine Tonic, aud will say
= consider it the best medicine In the world
/ believe it saved the lives of two OF my
children. They were down and nothing APP
peared to do them any good until l procured
this remedy. II was very surprising how
rapidly they both improved on its uss ]
recommend the medicine to all my NJ igh-
bors"
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1890-12-04
INDIGESTION AND DYSPEPSIl
The Great South American Nervine Tonic

absolutely unfIling remedy ever discov.
and the vast train of symptoms
disease and debility of the human stom-
by this jewel of incalculable value who Is
because the experience and testimony of
The ONE and ONLY ONE great cure in the
There is no case of unmalignant disease
wonderful curative powers Of the South
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1890-06-27
SIC pAssIM.

stood today in a schoolhouse old,
Where my young steps were light and free,
Through summers heat and winters cold,
And all my life was yet to be.
There were bashful girls and beardless youth,
And dog cared books all scattered about;
And the masters likeness, drawn with truth,
On a slate with the corners broken out
stood, and all those careless days
Ger my worn heart came drifting back;
The songful ease, the lghtsome ways
Which in all after years we lack.
Oh, the early loves and the laughing girls,
The innocent dyls without alloy!
Oh, the angel in pantalets and curls,
Beloved by me-and that other boyl
All, the way she balanced between us twain
Comes back with narrowing force to mel
For the true proportions of bliss, 'tis plain,
Are never wrought out by the "rule of threer'
Well, we know Of nuts by the empty shell;
And never the bed Of brook so dry
But the smoothness of its stones will tell
OF the stream that used to go rushing by.
-t' -. ss-S<
I take my place among those that were,
Content to feel have had my hour;
The buds are rosy and sweet and fair,
But the fruit comes only after the flower,
Romance aid history aye repeat,
And love and youth sustain no loss;
For another girl sits in that angels seat,
And two other boys throw billets acrossl
Clara Marcelle Greene in Journal Of Education