New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1890-03-19
WIT AND HUMOR.


Eternal vigilance is the price of an
oyster at q church social. - Zsras SitI-
sasgs.
Silence is golden; when the gold is
coined however, money talks. 1eras
Syti,ags.
ho Inc game game cock e is always pretty well
trip. Jamestowas News.
A woman can find her pocket quick
enough when there is money in it to
pay for new hat. Epoch.
The formation Of trusts cannot be
considered a healthy business syndica-
ton. ~ 1srye Haute Express.
A man drinks to drown his sorrow,
but the sorrow always comes out on
top. Philadelphia Inquirer.
She (shyly)- ID do love champagne. -
He-"WhyP" She Because the cork
pops SO. Burlington Free Press.
Responsibility is contagious, but,like
other contagious, you can't always
catch it when you want it.-Puck.
&'How distinguished looking she is!
Is she lady of notep" .Yaw; she
Unlike the majority of things in this
queer world fogs are always mist until
they are gone. Baltimore american.
The cooper's business is not always
lively, though he is generally hoop
ing things -Bingaanntoaa Republic
can.
s'Misfortunes come in pairs especi-
+ oil ry1,a ha ~
they come in doubles. Philadelphia
Press.
Blivens-'.What role does your star
actor take the most interest in?" Man
ager (energetically) 1.-The pay roll.n
Time.
Up to date there have been no flies
on this winter, at least no one in this
vicinity has seen the snow dy.-Phila-
.5elphi0 Press.
Miss X.'' That Italian Count seems
to lead rather monotonous life.'
Mrs. Y Eyes; notice he never has
any change. Life.
There is no scorn like that which is
uttered in silence. The shears give the
most effective cut when they shut up.
--Biaagl,an1toaa Leader.
Miss Walnut-'I don't feel at all
like myself today. Miss Chestnut
stAllow me to congratulate you, dear"
Philadelphia Inquirer.
If everybody believed everything that
he heard about everybody else how
much better every man would think
himself than every one Of his neighbors!
Puck
If we could know all the bad things
that our neighbors say about us we
should probably talk about them even
worse than we do now Sonae7'vazle
Journal.
''They tell me, doctor, that your
consumptive patient thought great
deal OF you-that he was grateful to
the last" Eyes. He declined with
thanks. ''-Puck.
"Mrs. Robbins has no piano?" ..No.
she's little sensitive about anything
of that kind. You know she was Mr..
Robbins typewriter before they were
married. IN z. San.
When woman fancies to herself the
husband she would like to have, he is
generally different in important re-
spects from the husband that she has
already. Somervizle Journal.
Miss Pert-''What splendid book!
How long has it been in the family?"
Miss Antique ssThe family Bible?
Why it was purchased at my BIRTH
sIndeedP How well preserved it is i
for such an old bookr''-M Y. Sun.
tNo use," exclaimed an impecunious
debtor to an inlportunate creditor,
rst -
know that, y responded the creditor,
<'but unless | get that money I'll have
gore from a beat. philadelphia Press.
First Tramp This is getting be-
.yond me, Jack. Do you know the lay
.of the land here-abouts?" Second
Tramp (broken-down tenor) 'It's
the Star Spangled Banner, pard, but
cant sing it like I used to once.''-
Boston Herald.
Pater-''You children turn up your
noses at everything on the table,
When ! was a boy | was glad to get
enough dry bread to eat Tommy
Say, pa, you're having much better
vtime Of it, now you are living with us,
saint youp"- Grip.
i s.And what's all this hear, Barbara,
esOoeso J oSaA w 1LoAhSo w 1IA1d oOlaO OCCu-a
pationP" well, you see, it's so dull
at home, uncle. I've no brothers or
sisters and papa's paralyzed and
mammals going blind-so / want to be
a hospital nurse. - Punch.
Teacher Cat the mission Sunday
sschooD Dyes, children, Daniel was
cast into a den of lions, but not one Of
them dared touch him. How strange
-" Pupil (scornfully .Aw, OATS
nuthin'; seen duck do that act in
the cirkis last year. - Boston Beacon.
Mr.. Uncertain gu keep private
yacht, don't you, Dubiouspn Mr..
Dubious yes" Mr.. Uncertain
t'Well, next to money, what is the
most important adjunct necessary to
the maintenance of craft of that
kindP" Mr.. Dubious Credit. p ~
Epoch. .
Young Mr., Sissy Ito his pretty