The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-06-12
SINGLE AND MARRIED MEN.

Kate Thorn Tells OF the Difference Be-
tween Thorn.
It seems like very little thing to stand
up for ten minutes before q clergyman, and
say over after him II will'' few times. and
after that to be kissed and congratulated
by score of people you have hardly seen
before that time, and who will ever after
remain in your memory collectively as her
relations, says Kate Thorn in the New York
Weekly.
Marriage, we are told, is civil contract,
like great many other kinds of contracts;
but it will work more changes in man
than three conversions, two vaccinations, a
run OF la grippe, railway accident and
two bankruptcies.
The married man can never again become
the single man. His wife may die or get
divorced, or elope with another man, but
her husband can never 90 back to the virgin
state of single blessedness, and he knows it,
though he tries his best to compass it.
married man always carries his condi-
tions with him, like trademark. Anybody
of average discernment can detect him at
glance.
boots. He does not scent himself with vlo-
let's. He never parts his hair in the middle
He keeps his seat in the horse car when the
pretty girl, laden with bundles, comes in;
he knows that his wife wouldn't approve of
his rising He does not get up hirtations
with the good blocking saleswomen where he
buys his gloves; he remembers that little
birds are flying all around telling tales, and
| he has horror of curtain-lectures; some
how, married men never seem to arrive at
that state of beautitude where they do ap-
preciate the kind of literary performance
| 1Y~o ~kcs~ 1opk
The married man has come to that stage
when he is convinced that the way hisneck-
tie hangs may not be any more important
than his souls salvation. He knows to a
certainty that true happiness does not de-
pend on the amount Of starch IN his shirt
bosom, but he will have to have been at
least three times welded before he will be
able to be reconciled to collar band two
sizes small or one size large. The man who
can smile at fate when it swoops down upon
him in the shape of an ill-fitting collar
band band is nearly ready for canonization.
He is placid when somebody's baby cries at
the play. He carries bundles with meek
ness. He knows the prices of sugar and
round steak. He knows that bustles are 60
ing out Of fashion. He can distinguish be-
tween false ''crimps'' and those which grow
on the head. He knows that women put
their hair in papers. Powder is no longer a
mystery to HIM. He can detect it on the
faces of his female friends, and he looks
out that it does not get on his coat, because
his wife can detect it, too.
He is not distracted il she smile on other
men, as he once was. He can read the
paper whole evening, and never thinks OF
squeezing her hand. He is sleepy by
clock. Before they were married he could
sit up with her till day-dawn and never
dream of such thing as sleep. He nc
longer loves her cat and dog. He frequently
says that he wishes cats had been left on,
of the scheme of creation. He has beer
known to kick the unoffending animal. HI
has little sympathy for wifely headaches
Once he was on the verge of lunacy ovel
any of her little ailments; now he is q great
deal more concerned as to what he is likely
to have for dinner. He doesn't spend any
! money on flowers. He lays it out in cigar
instead.
He is no longer acting with purpose
in view-he has married her, and he is him.
self once more. just q married man. and
not an ideal, romantic, sonnet-writinG
| lover.
And what about the single man?
just imagine him everything that tht
married man il not, and great deal more
and you will not come far short of thu
mark.