The Greenville times. [volume] (Greenville, Miss.) 1868-1917, 1890-01-11
WHY ABE RESIGNED.
Political HOnors Are \ MOckeFV and 9
DeluslOn.

al bear th't Abe Fendle has resigne,
ez constable o. the Lost Grow Barrel
deestrict', Squire remarked the Oh
Settler, with show of unusual inter
est in the subject.
ale has, haygs said the SQUIRE
@Wall, faint noways likely th't the
ship o State is gointer be shuck W
much or be slammed and banged agin
the rocks to any alarmin' degree, is it
cause Abraham hain't gointer consta.
BILE no more! Is TIL any danger
o. the Constitution bein' splintered,
Major? Is the commonwealth shakin'
from center to circumference ~
"Well, mebbe not" replied the Old
Settler. "The ship o. State an the
Constitution proberly is sailin' plumb
an holdin' stiddy, but FIN all th't
hear Lost Crow Barren is in the agi.
tatinest state o. mind over Abe's quit
tin ez constable th't any deestric' ever
were. Nobody didn't hey no idee
th't Abe were gointer quit, an it Drop
ped down on the deestric' like ton O.
lead They don't talk bout nothin'
else. The dominIe's approschin' dona-
tion, an sign O. bar, even, has had
to take back seat. Do ye know
'zek'el Glazer O. Lost Crow Barren,
Squire ~
"l've heerd th't he were a man ez
had made his mark over thar said
the Squire.
80 he has, b'gosh p exclaimed the
Old Settler. "IIe's made his mark
over thar, and it's mostly made on
notes an due billsl Wull, 'Zek'el is
mixed up in this constable business
him and Gabe Owens an brindlo
COW. III were Abe Fendle I'd hev II
out o. somebody's hide fore | got
through with it, or Pd know tho rea-
son fer why. Abe were runnin' fer
constable ten or fifteen year fore he
got elected. Every town meetin' he
put hisself in the hans of his friends,
Jest ez regular or town meetin' kim
round, but the hans Of his friends
didn't never seem to git a clutch on
Abram strong enough to lift him up
an set him in the splint bottom cheer
at the constable's Office. So las spiing
Abe he stuck himself In the hans of
his friends some more, an top 'em
bgoshtlmighty, th't If thoy didn't
snatch mm an tumble him inter bein'
constable that time, he'd jlst quit an
lay down, an' mebby pass down in
sorrer to an ontimely an dissyp'inted
grave. He top 'em th't he 'spected
'em to rally like one man, an show
the tother side th't some things KID
be did or Others, If not more so. Wull,
they rallied, an that night wen Mrs.
Abram Fendle went to bed she were
a coustable's wife an no mistake, fer
Abram were lccted. Some folks
said he wouldn't ha' been elected If
the man th't were runnin' agin him
hadn't up an died with appleplexy
fore the lection were over, so th't th'
want 10 one to vote fer but Abram
but mebbo that were a campain lie.
Abram were lifted clean up an chuck
cd into bein' constable o. Lost Crow
Barren, an' | s'pose he an his family
growed more'n foot apiece. Him
an his rallyin' friends had rcj'icin,'
an Billy Crunly made a speech an tol'
Abe, b'gosh, to go ahead, to be Just
an fear not, pledged but TO truth, to
liberty--an' law. No favor sways ye,
says Billy, an no fear can awe, an
hew to line. says be, let the chips fall
where they may. Abram said he
would, or else he wouldn't deserve to
hev the right to run his feller-citizens
to the county Jail, an to levy on their
goods an chattels whenever The stat
utes in setch case made an pervided
called him to his duty, b'gosh, an he
hoped they wouldn't ferget It. Abram
were quite stumper, an he made
speech thet folks said d mebbe land
him in the sheriff's office, or mebbe In
the Legislature. An now he's knock
cd over the hull business an quit con.
stablin', an th amt no tellin' wat the
eend I'll be, fer Abram Is cut up wuss'n
hog at a KILN.
ezekiel Glazor got mixed up in this
constable business sumpin' ez follers
He had a neighbor, an this here
neighbor were achin' to build q smoke
house, but wen he looked the matter
over he found th't he didn't hev no
lumber. lie had q brindle cow, but
no lumber, an or he couldn't think o.
no way th't he KID work his brindle
COW up into the shape o. a smoke
house, he done the mex best thing an
give up the idee o. buildin' one, ez
money were lecttle tight jist then in
the deestric', anyhow. Long bout
that time 'Zek'el's wife were negotiat-
in fer blue mereener dress th't she'd
got her eyes on at Jugson's store at
the Barren. All th't she he'd to do to
get the dress were to pervide Jugson
with butter till the dress were settled
fer. Th' WANT but one thing in the
way o her doin' that, an that were
the trifling obstacle O. havin' no COW.
If she'd ha' had q COW right then an
thar, tn hain't no doubt but Abe Fen
del ID be constable O Lost Crow Bar
rem yit, an the c'munity thar an thar
abouts wouldn't be all broke up. But
she didn't hev nothin' higher to COW
tim few hundred feet O. hemlock
boards th't Zek'el had got hold on
dicker o. some kind, an
Mrs. Zek'el want fur enough up in
butter maxim to churn butter out o.
that board pile, no more thin the
neighbor KID throw smoke house to-
gether with no more material than his
brindle cow. But 'Zek'el know'd how
to do both on 'cm. lie went to the
"'Sce here says he, you want a
smoke house, an we want butter' says
he. 'Consekently,' says he, how'll ye
swop GOV for hemlock ?
"The ncighbor were willin' fer a
dicker of course, but the hemlock
want worth more'n five dollars, an
the COW were held stiff at fifteen dol
lars, an SO he said he wanted ten dol
lars to boot. That want nothing in
the way o. closin' tho dickcr, fer
twouldn't ha' made no difference to
Zek'el how much boot were asted, ez
he paid It with his note, an he want