The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-07-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

too.
"After you, sir, as the sheriff said to
the defaulter. "-Puck.
"Well, you have nerve!" as the man
said to his aching tooth.-Racbet.
The bright side of the convict question
Tho "outside. Prison Mirror.
Goes without saying-The young man
too bashful to pop the question.-7erds
SittiHgs.
Briggs-"Say, old man, what are you
doing for that coldl' Griggs-"Cough-
ing. "-LJe.
When man goes to live in the top of
a six-story fiat it is all up with him.
Biaqdamtoa Republican.
Giles-"What did Terwilliger say
about the twins}n Merritt-"Said it
was one too many for him. Life.
"Why does she sing with her mouth
closedp "She has falsetto voice, and
is afraid it will drop out. - Chatter.
"Who would not be boy2" demands
the poet. Well, the girl with new en-
gagement ring wouldn't, for oue.-LDe.
Edith-"It's the little things that tell
in this life" Alice-"Well, you'd think
so, if you had two small brothers, as
have"
He-"This horse puts me in mind of
Lord Nelson She-''Why2" Gle
"Because he would rather die than run"
-Ydle Record.
"Speech was given man to conceal his
thoughts What he needs most, how
ever, Is some expcdient for concealing
lack of thoughts MuRsey's.
Mother-"Now, Johnnie, you must
cut the apple in halves, and give the
larger half to your little sister" John
nie-'Let her tut it. - Chatter.
"Well soon take the starch out of
you," said the warden to the refractory
prisoner" "You will, will you2" 'Yes;
we'll iron you. "-BostoH Courier.
"Oh, dearv" cried Miss Passee. "Here
they've gone and cut the day down to
eight hours. Why, I'll be a hundred be-
fore I'm forty y Times Democrat.
Miss Beacon-'This waltz is divinel
Do you ever dance the lanciers, doctorl"
DIR. Boylston-"No, but | sometimes
lance the dancers. "-B1sto Bulget.
There is really no tangible objection
to violently plaid trousers except that
they keep one constantly wondering
whose move it is Washington Post.
Man wants but little here below.
For years we've heard the poets sing;
But from plain prose of life we know
he wants little of everything.
--Puck.
"I've changed my mind since saw
you last" said Galley. ~ hope the
new one is better than the last, ~ put in
Cynicus, and Galley got mad.-M0
York Herald.
Mr. McAllister-''Would you believe
itl have had that idea in my head for
six months" Mrs. Berry-''What dull
time it must have had there all by it
self,"- Chatter.
A popular clergyman in Philadel-
phia delivered lecture on "Fools." The
ticket TO it read: Lecture on Fools-ad-
nit one" There was very large at
tendance. .-Net0 York Herald
Drug Clerk-"This hair dressing is
made of pure bear grease Brown
"How can it be pure when it's sceutedp
lJluG Altlh-- II is-Cl maui AAbiAl AAAN
cinnamon bear. ."-NeO York Sun.
''Ice is too expensive, Mary. You
must get along without it. "But how
am / to keep the beef fresh and the
butter and milk cool!" "You have u
fan, haven't youl'-Nelo York san.
"Let me never hear of your disobeying
me again, said his father as he laid the
1. l. II = 1.
Tommy, 'If l can help it. I-I-didn't
t.tell you t-this time. ."-Harper's Basar.
One of the funniest things about
children is the way when they have hurt
themselves, they start and run all over
the house until they find somebody to
hear them cry.-BuyliHgtoa Free Press.
my true love hath my heart and have
his
So sahg Sir Philip in the old time verse;
But in these days the pleasant version is:
My true love hath my heart; l have
her purse
-Muaseys
LET me see Was it not Emerson who
said, Hitch your wagon to a starr "
"Yes, / believe so" ''What beautiful
thought" eyes, and how much cheaper
it would be than keeping a horse"-
LOiceU citizen.
ProfessOr-'Mr Chumpy, l am
ANXIOUS for your fathers sake to break
the long list Of demerit marks you have
won here. Do you think you will ever
learn anything ''No sir "MarS
Mr. Chumpy rs having correctly answered
all the questions put to him this lesson"
-Philadelphia Times.
~ will be sister to you, she SAID
"No," he replied sadly; Give got one
sister who wears my neckies, borrows
car-fare, loses my hair brush, puts Tides
all over the furniture in my room' aud
expects me 10 take her TO the theatre
twice a week. | think TIL go out into
the world and forget YOU. 49, Washington
Post.
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