The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-04-20

Is mere 10 GO DuSlDe Win yOus'
and he tore the screw out and viciouslY
hammered q big nail partly into the hole,
There now, we're prepared to put you on
croSs-examlnattOn, you uleasiy scamp, and
sec what sort of critter you are. Now youth
have pretty fair opportunity to preserve
the sanctity of the Sabbath and to make
good the alluring advertisement wherewith
you scooped Spoopendyke out of ten good,
big, round dollars, consarn yep
Once more the paper was put in and once
more the press kicked out Certificate to its
own unwOrthlness. the small boy gathered
himself for an enjoyable giggle but look
from Mr.. Spoopendyke frozs il 60 an IN
| meaning grin.
"Ohl YOU won't print, won't ye," snorted
I the parent. ''You define 20 immortalizs
the subtle fancies that go fitting through
Spoopendyke's busy brain, ca. You don't
propose TO crystaize these dOdgasted ema-
nations of inimitable genius, don't We! You
base-born slave Of old perversity himself!
You object to transmitting SDooDendyke's
thrilling eloquence to generations yet uu-
born; you don't intend TO enroll yourself as
part and parcel OF the art preservative OF
arts, hey. Well, we'll sea," and he gave
the table yank out to tho middle of the
floor. "Oh! you won't print, won't you!
| you dodgasted mule-eared idiot? Well, if
you won't print, maybe you'll sing" and he
grabbed the handle and shook the press till
il ratified all over.
Then he gave it another trial, but the
result was as bad as before.
81 think, dear" said Mrs.. Spoopenkyke,
who, as usual, had followed that she might
assist at critical periods-"I think you have
too much ink on the plate"
"You Ghink" sneered Mr.. Spoopankyke:
"Ol you think, do yous Well, with YOU to
thi1k and this thing to print, all need is a
couple of reporters and congressional
ca 'didate to get out great morn
ing journal With a mind like yours
behind me, what's to hinder
my starting out in opposition to the Lon
don Thunderer? Spoopendyke's Mascot
that's what I'll call it. With q thinking
like yours what's to prevent you from
thinking the type into line, and thinking
this dodgasted press into shape where it'll
mako marks that'll stand forth like that in
tellect OF yours. Gimme that rag, l say"
aud Mr.. Spaopendyke snatched the cloth
with which his wife was about to wipe
off the ink, and fired it against the cell
ing.
''Stuck full of ink, is it?' bawled Mr..
Spookendyke, glazing at his wife, "Where
is there any ink? don't see any type full
of ink. just lend me your clairvoyant
vision a minute till | spy out these ghosts
Of departed ink bottles. Bring on your
angel band and clear this too fieshy vision
of mine. Pour me out a dose of your dod-
gasted theosophy that I may catch onto the
aforementioned aud herein before descr ibed
ink with the delicately sensitive spiritual
eye."
'B1t you are looking at me, papa"
pleaded Mrs. SpoopendYke.
''Gh, am, am Il" he exclaimed. 81 am
really looking at you, Ell. Didn't you s'LJse
l knew was looking at yous Did you i'm
agine | supposed was looking at the seven
wise men of the east? What if [ am look
ing at yous Amt you gratified to know
that you've charmed me like snake till
can't see the measly ink on the dodgasted
type? A fine sample of female you are that
gets mad because her husband is lured from
a lop-sided, crooked backed old printing
machine to contemplate the dazzling brill
fancy and enhancing volnptuousness of her
angelic charms
well, Mrs. S.. Pm going 60 continue
| this unwelcome gaze until you take YOUR
| forepaws otf'n this guillotine and Chamber
downstairs. You've missed. your cue. You
don't come in on this scene. Spoopendy Ike
| has the stage all TO himself at this thrilling
| juncture. Spoopendyke is the hero of this
tragedy IN high life. tie Spoopendyke. and
| Spoopendyke all alone, without any other
members of the family, who is stage mana
ager, star performer, Ro nan army and
bowling populace all at once. You're not
in it, Mrs. s., and your absence at this i'm {.
| SDoopendyke," and the highly excited gen.
tleman hit the press a whack with the
hammer.
''Therew he yelled triumphantly, as the
inky plate flew against the wall, this is
where the lover finds he's been betrayed, -
and he wrenched the roller from its sockets.
"And here's where he re solves beneath high
heaven to be avenged Now watch him
lure the lovely maiden to the far-away, i'm
penetrable mountain fastnesses,n and he
flung the chase into the farthest corner of
the & arret.
"Dye want to see the repentant villain
brought in In chains" he continued as he
jerked the rest of the Machine off on the
floor and hammered it with his heel. "Now,
Mrs. Spoopendyke, the curtains going to
ring down on the happy denouement.
This is where the dodgasted audience
that don't know the difference between
printers link and the emancipation proclana-
tion calls the star performer before the cur
tain and fires bouquets at him with the bills
inside" and Mr.. Spoopendyke with one
last, mighty effort kicked the table over
and strewed the garrett with type, nails, ink,
rags, and implements until the place looked
like junk shop struck by lightning
MY son." said Mrs. Spoopendyke, as she
gathered her boy in front of her a ID hur-
ried him into her own room, your pa is
not feeling well to-day. Let US not annoy
him with the press any more"
preferred the rough draft of the sketch
to more highly polished one which Mrs.
Huntley wished to make. 1t was just as
she had hastily penned and scratched and
interlined the only Spoopendyke story
written since the death of the genius who
made himself famous by carlcaturing him
self. WILLIS B. HAWKINS.