davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

has only q jerky nod for his Old-time
chums, and no further use for those who
knew him in his pOtatO-skin days. There
is g large supply Of this Goldfish RristOc-
racy at this seaside resort. Fricked out
with jewels, fine linen and purple, it
seems to imagine that it can in some
ChRmeleOn-like fashion catch the tone
and tint Of the local social color.
The unsuccessful man. as he grows
old, turns pietist or atheist; his prosper
ous brother desires only to be respecta-
bic, and therefore he comes to Newport.
Thank heaven, there are some things
money can't buy; intelligence is one, re-
dnement is another. There are two
kinds Of pOlish-One you may put on
with brush, the other can only be &C
quired by yeGrs-nay, centuries-Of con-
tact with polished people. If I couldn't
go to Long Branch or Saratoga, I'd be
willing to come here.
Some people are such agreeable bOres
that their Conversation rests you; by
parity Of reasoning, this place may be
called q very agreeable summer resort
No millionaire can ever be elected Presi-
dent Of these United States. That's fat,
but he WreRks his vengeance on the un-
washed by having a $500, 600 cottage at
Newport and driving a fOur-in-hand on
Bellevue avenue, while his milliOn-dOllar
yacht lies of Ochre Point, ready to steam
up at an hours notice and bear him
away to the land Of the midnight sun.
In this fair city Of the sea hOrsefesh
counts for more than the human article.
mean by that that here a man is judged
by the size of his stable and the elegance
of his turn-Outs, just as in ante-bellum
days we used to size up a Southern plan
ter by the number of negroes he owned.
II you want to get a correct idea Of
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

one, the strings are so far out in front Of
her that it reminds you Of Sir John
Falstaff trying to button his Waistcoat.
It's very funny, but you mustn't laugh.
The most distinguished arrival this
season is Senior Arturo IIdefOnsO, 8 hand
some young Spaniard, who has been
specially imported at great expense to
teach the fair cottagers how to play the
mandolin. You meet IldefOnsO every
where, and nothing is too good for him.
He seems to think it his duty to eat all
the ices and drink all the champagne
that the fair creatures press upon him,
and it has happened once or twice that
Professor Arturo IIdefOnsO's fervid Span
ish blood led him to whisper tender words
Of love in very bad English in the ears Of
some very respectable ladies, whereupOn
It was explained to him that while such
a thing might do over at the Pier it
could not be tolerated by the first people
of the land.
But few days ago Professor udefonso
committed another gaucherie-but a very
eXcugable one. You must know that the
one thing dear to a Spaniard's palate is
garlic. Professor IldefOnsO having been
seized with violent fit Of homesickness
rushed of to a cheap restaurant and
gorged himself with garlic. The next
day when he made his appearance at one
Of the swell cottages to give lesson to
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

our republican simplicity" go 1or a
drive on Bellevue avenue almost any fine
afternoon during the season. never
saws such display in either Regents
Park or the Bots. It would delight the
heart Of G. W., the father Of his coun-
try, for he was g good judge Of horse
flesh, and a great lover Of a coach-and-
four, and even drove to church with
COaChman and fOOtman In livery, gold
and silver mounted harness on his Vir-
ginia thOrOughbreds, whose hoofs were
vanished till they shOne Ike ebony.
Drags, landaus, T carts, dog carts, Wiz
lage carts, buggies, tandems, fOurs-in-
hand, ETC., ETC., move in stately process
sion along this beautiful avenue. The
thinking man, as he gaZes upon this
magnificent show Of empty display and
vain pomp, asks himself, "Is it worth
what they pay for it?"
There is one thing you may depend
upon an American aFistOcrat (plutoorat)
doing almost invariably, and that Is mar
rying the handsomest woman the coun-
try affords. In this matter he shows q
very level head, for a few generations Of
such marriages will invariably produce
handsome children, and great wealth
and great physical beauty combined will
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18


a E2eminiscsncs OF the Telephone In ITS
Early Days.
Il remember" said one of the down
town OlG-timers st q luncheon, when
we first had the telephone. it was
much more Of curiosity then than
the phOnOgraph is now. I used to
wait for the bell to ring so as to have
an excuse to howl in the thing. One
day the thing went off and I was on
hand promptly. discovered that the
talker at the other end of the line was
one Of the most prominent society Ia
dies of the South Side. I also discov-
cred that she thought our Office was s
butcher shop. She wanted to know If
Mr.. , the butcher. was In, and I
said that she had the honor of talking
to him then.
What do you mean, she asked,
by sending me such roast Of beef as
that Of yesterday?
81 asked her what was the matter
with it, and she replied that it wasn't
fit for a dog to eat. spanked up at
this, and told her that / had had more
trouble about her trade than all of the
balance of my customers combined. I
told her that she not only did not know
a good piece of roast beef when she
sew il, but that she did not know how
TO eat it after it was prepared. Of
course, she rung me off, and went
over to my desk and rolled over and
laughed. In a few days I had occasion
to 60 into the butcher shop milady had
been talking about, and while waiting
for my order I said to the butcher !:
Does Mr.. -- trade here now? men
tioning the name Of the husband Of the
lady who had talked to me over the
wires.
No sir the butcher replied. He
came in here and said that I had in
suited his wife over the telephone. I
tried to explain, but he wouldn't have
it. So I have ordered the COMPOUNDED
thing to be taken out of here. I was
afraid of it in the first place, and told
the fellow that it wouldn't work. 1t
was a humbug.'
81 looked up at his telephone, and saw
that he had a chunk of beef lard stuck
in the transmibter and a kidney tied
under the bell. He said he had had
the thing stopped up until it could be
taken out. I suppose Z ought to have
told him the truth, but I couldn't sum
mon the nerve. Besides, I enjoyed the
tongue lashing which gave the lady
on the South Side, but I always feel
guilty when I meet her. Chicago
Herald.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18
Better Empty than Filled.

At dinner IN London lately, Mr..
Henry M. Stanley, the African ex-
plorer, related some experiences Of his
latest Journey, one of which was de-
cjdedIy interesting. Several men of
the expedition, he said, received upon
starting out bottle of brandy each.
The liquor was French, and the bot
ties were ornamental.
The first two months of the long Jour
ney were the easiest of all, and did not
tax severely the endurance of the men,
: who nevertheless found it convenient,
having the brandy at hand, to consume
it little by little. so at the end Of those
two months their supply Of the stimu-
liant was exhausted.
After that the hard work OF the
journey began. The men were none
the worse for the lack of brandy. MIR.
Stanley, after his many African jour
neys, knew this perfectly well. On a
long and hard march in any country
stimulants, except in extreme cases of
Illness OF exhaustion, are worse than
useless. In an African journey, where
everything depends upon a cool head,
a steady viii power which is subject to
no fluctuations and d state Of bodily en-
durRnce without reactions, alcohol is
particularly injurious.
But Mr.. Stanley had cautioned his
men, after they had exhausted their
brandy, to keep the bottles. They did
so, and by and by they found some
natives who were highly DESTROYS Of
possessing those articles. Being in
need of provisions, Stanley exchanged
the empty bottles for supplies to the
value Of twenty-five pounds sterling,
which sum was very much more than
the brandy was. ever worth at the high
est valuation.
This experience seems to suggest
that while it may be wise to take bot
ties into Central Africa, it is rather
better, on the whole, to take them
empty than filed. Youths COnpG9B-
jO9I
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18
The United States Lead in Physicians.

The United States Lead in Physicians
There is certainly no more curious
social phenomenon than that of the ex-
traordinary popularity of the medical
calling in this country as a means of
securing livelihood.
The subject is one that is often
dwelt upon, but we doubt if many yet
realize the grotesque incorporation
which medicine in the United States
holds to other bread-winning Occupa-
tions. Here are some Of the naked
facts in the matter:
France has SO, OOO,00O of popuIa-
ton, II, 1896 doctors, while it gradu-
ates 624 medical students in one year.
Germany has $4,000, 600 Of popuIa-
ton, about 80, 900 doctors, and gradu-
ates 935 students in one year.
The United States has about sixty
millions Of population, nearly one
hundred thousand doctors, Is, 091 med
zeal students, and graduates 3,74O
students in one year.
Germany, which has relatively less
than half as many doctors as America,
is already grOaning over its surplus.
When one compares France with this
country, the excess of medical men
here seems most astonishing. A com
parison of the United States with
European countries, in whatever way
1t is made, leads one to think that
there is something almost morbid in
our medical fecundity.-M Medical
Record.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18
What Makes One Proud of American
Women.


Women.
Tradition keeps informing US how
good-loOhng princesses are, but no
body can ever accuse the Guelph fam
lily Of SHINING in the way of possessing
q professional beauty in its ranks. The
Princess of Wales has a charmingly
sweet face, but take away from her
that glOrifcatiOn which is about royalty
and you would never give her second
look. She wears the Wiggiest of wigs,
and horror upon horrors, Is dOWdy-
looking. Loyal subjects refer to her
as the best dressed woman in the world.
This is absolute nonsense. If I were
King of England I should make an
effort to get in a little outside blood
and have the chance of showing some
gOOd-lOoking women in the family.
Personally not given to the waving
Of the star-spangled banner, I never
feel so proud of the American women
as when I see their English sisters.
The passe beauty is to the fOre-a
something easily understood when the
court age is considered. Without eX-
ception she uses paint in the most
lavish manner, puts daub under each
eve, one on her chin and one on each
ear, and then OyerIays this with a
thick coating Of powder and believes
she has beau tilted herself Her incli-
nation is to q rather frOwzy head, and,
though we rave over London tailor
made clothes, there Is no doubt about
1t that English tailOrs fit women better
after they have had a short stay IN New
York. ab," i3J TeTTe HGCJte Err
Foco
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18
Cause and Effect.

chist is your twin brother? Myl Ny!
How did you two come to be so differ
ent? You are one Of the most indus
trious, conservative, law abiding citi-
zens in the community.
Good Citizen-We11, you see, my
brother was brought up by our grand
mother. who let him do as he pleased F;
but I lived at home and had to behave.
GOOD Ne1es.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

1T is said that Turkish tobacco con
tains prussic acid, and that Havana
tobacco has another alkaIoid called col
lidine, of which one-twentieth of drop
will kill frog with symptoms of paral-
ysis. The half-liquid matter that &C
cumulates in the bowl of a pipe will
kill small animal in three drop doses.
A few drops of nicotine inserted under
the conjunctiva of an animal will kill at
once. Eight drops will kill a horse
with frightfuI general convusions. It
has been observed that the living sys-
TENS quickly become tolerant Of to-
bacco poison-"an animal that is
thrown into commissions by half a drop
one day will require twice as much the
next day, and so in four or five days
four or five times as much"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

DAN CoUGHLN, who is serving his
life sentence in Joliet Prison, Joliet,
Ill, for his part in the Cronin murder,
is almost physical wreck. His cheeks
are pale and sunken and he looks as If
he would be sleeping under the flowers
before long. He receives many visits
from his wife and child, and no doubt
their welfare worries him. His expec-
tation Of a new trial is what keeps him
up. If this hope is blasted it is thought
he will tell all he knows about the
murder.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18
NEWPORT, r. L, A


He most ungratefuI
who inhab-
its the sbank and
shoal Of time" is the
rich upstart, tn g
nOuveau richie, as
the French call him.
The very moment he
has made his fortune
he turns his back
upon the world from
which he drew it,
gives the cold Shout
der to the erbOys, "
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

his class Of young ladies, he was quite
surprised to ind that in a few moments
they were all seized with violent colds in
their heads, calling for the constant use
Of smelling salts, and that the more soul
ne put into his singing and playing the
worse their colds beCame,-LSdd Lee. IN
Chicago Ledger.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

diverted. We should lay out our plans
for recreation as we'll as for work.
There never was truer saying than
that call work and no play makes Jack
a dull boy"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

EDWARD ATKINSON has discovered
that the long process and hard work of
kneading bread are unnecessary. he
mixes his material with big spoon,
and says with a slow oven, or a bread
raiser, time will do all that can be &C
complished by the kneading method.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18
How He KneH Him.

At police headquarters in New York
not long ago a message was received,
calling for a policeman to come instant
" to the Office of a physician who is
prominent for his success in the treat
ment Of diseases of the throat. When
the officer arrived, the physician point
ed out man in his waiting-rOOm, and
told him to arrest him, adding:
This IS T, the forger."
"That Tt" returned the police
man. Impossible! I know T. as
well as 1 know myself, and that is not
the man."
"He is well disguised" the doctor
answered, "but I will vouch for his be-
ing the man"
The policeman was still increduIous,
but the T in question was a
criminal too notorious for him to be
willing to run any risks, and he ac-
cordingly took the man prisoner. The
captive did indeed prove to be T,
but he had taken the pains to disguise
himself, and it was a mystery to the
officers how the physician had con
trived to recognize him.
Well, the truth is, the doctor an
swered, shat it was a simple case of
automatic memory, only that from my
profession I remember threats as ycu
remember faces. I did not in the
least know the mans face, but the
moment L looked at his throat I re-
membered it in an instant. had him
under my care four years ago, and I
never forget a patients throat, al
though L do not remember one face in
hundred. Youths Comp a915o71.
LABOR Is life; successful labor is life
and gladness; and successful labor with
high aims and inst objects hrinss the
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

INv4LADs, aged people, nursing mothers,
OverWOrked, weaEied out fathers, viii find
DE, SheTmGn's Prickly Ash BitteTs. Where
the liver or kidneys are affected, prompt
action is necessary to change the tide toward
health, ere the disease becomes chronic
possibly incurRble, and there is nothing bet
teE to be found IN the whole range of HlGtsrjG'
ntslicG. Sold everYwhere.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

THERE is a large farm in Mississippi
in which there is only one old whip,
and that is not used. The owner will
not permit the whip to be used on any
of the stock, and the farm does well
and the animals work with viii with
out feeling the lash.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18
AFFAIR CITY OF THE SEA.
WHERE MEET THE REFINED AND
THE UPSTART.

Newport, Little EhOdy's AristOCrati6 Re-
sort, and Some OF the Odd Characters
Encountered There - Large supply Of
Goldfish ArIstOoFaGy 11ingIss There with
the simon-purs Article.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

A REMARKABLE invention has been
made in Austria. Glass tubes project
before the train and if they are broken
by an obstacle an electric movement is
applied to the brakes, bringing the
train Immediately to q standstiu.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

THIS is the way the great beast Of
Africa goes to his extinction. An ordi-
nary elephant produces 12O pounds Of
ivory, worth $500. England consumes
$50 tons, for which it is necessary to
kill IL, 600 elephants a year.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

MISS ELIZA PINsoN, who died at her
home near Atlanta, Ga, the other day,
had a black beard fifteen inches long,
but steadily refused all offers to place
herself on exhibition. Poulticing her
face for toothache when a young girl is
believed to have been the cause of the
abnormal growth of beard. There's a
valuable hint in this for the hairless
American dude.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

MANY parents are apt to consider
their daughters worth their weight in
gold, but Scotch gentleman estimated
his two daughters value at even a
higher rate than this, bequeathing to
each her weight in 91 notes. The elder
seems to have been simmer than her
sister, for she got only 951, 200, while
the younger received e57, 844.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

A RECOUNT of the drowned at the
JOhnstown. disaster fixes the number at
$500. The city is larger now than it
was before the unfortunate food.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

The drummer is numerous in the
land. The census will show that there
are about 400, 900 of them.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

The man who objects to forty-four
stars on the flag, because the blue field
will be overerowded, and wants to go
back to thirteen, is not likely to find
his motion seconded. Thirteen stripes
are all right, but every State is entitled
TO its star aud will have it, even if the
number ultimately rises to ffty-Or
know the reason.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

When Baby vsls sick We gave her Castoria,
When she was Child she cried for Castoris,
When she became Miss she chung to Castoris,
Whan she had children sne gave them Castoril.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

TINS little story is from a New Or
leans journal: little Floribel Deitch,
seven years old, died suddenly at Nor
gan City and her pet pigeon few into
the room where the corpse lay surround
ed by weeping relatives and friends.
The deep grief Of the mourners SO i'm
pressed the bird that it dropped it's
head and died. It was placed in the
coffin and buried the next day with its
little MISTRESS
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

TAXING a day off now and again
doesn't tend to shorten the working
mans lie.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

When a man gets to taking quinine he has
followed the medicine habit to its bitter end.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

The new. coffee syndicate may get a roast
ing after eli,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

The basis Of the seal controversy is Behriug
fruit.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

Energy and boy digging 6sh-baib both
mean the same thing
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

Benjamin +, Butler is a great kicker. Ha
IS also IL. the bunting business.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

Visitor TO native TEXANS Why do you
let the but OF your revolver prelude out of
your hip pocket?
Texan; Because there's a law a'gin carry
ing conceal ed weapons, stranger.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

81 came and saw a saw, - said the facetious
tramp ''but didn't saw
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

THE new bridge to be built over the
Hudson River between New York and
Jersey City viii eclipse the monster
Brooklyn structure. The great central
span will be $500 feet long, nearly
twice the length of the span over East
River. There are to be five towers ris-
ing to height of 500 feet above the
water. It is one of the most daring
feats of engineering undertaken in this
or any other country.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

LABOR Is life; successful labor is life
and gladness; and successful labor with
high aims and just objects brings the
fullest, truest and happiest life that can
be lived upon the earth.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

A serious Question-Victim of railroad
accident; Doctor, do you think I viii re-
cover?
Doctor certainly.
Victim eagerly: How much?
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

It is only natural that man who is short
should find no one to look up to him.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

Miss Gotham; What kind of scent do you.
prefer?
Miss Bullion; Cent per cent.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

A BinghamptOn car driver says his work is
like an organ; it, full of stops.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

ONIR ENJOYS
Both the method and results when
Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreghingto the taste, and acts
gentlyyet promptly on the Kidneys.
Liver and Bowels, cIeanses the sys-
tenn efectually, dispels colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habituaI
constipation. Syrup of Figs is the
only remedy Of its kind ever pro-
duced, pleasing to the taste and ac-
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial In its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances,
It's many excellent qualities CONS
mend it to all and have made It
the most popular remedy known.
Syrup of Figs is for sale In 5Oc
and 81 bottles by all leading drug
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro-
cure it promptly for any one who
wishes to try it. Do not accept
any substitute.
CALIFORNIA FIe syrup C6.
SAN FRANCISCO, CAL
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-09-18

A SCIENTIFIC writer advises that OF
the various patterns of filters in use
very few Of them are of any use what
ever. They act not only as strainer
to remove the coarser impurities, but
have no effect upon the microscopic
bacteria, or matters held in solution,
which are the most dangerous. A
flannel bag Is exactly as good a filter
as those expensive devices, and pos
sesses the additional advantages Of
being easily cleaned or renewed. The
most effective filters are those in which
a disk Of porous stone or eathenware
forms the fltering material, but it is
best to make sure Of the original sup
ply Of water, rather than to purify it
by any such uncertain methods.