The Washington critic., 1890-01-30
II fUNV]r NAN.


body who looked az it could tell whether it
was yesterday or the day before, a wardrobe
in which were two summer ulstcrs and
white plug hat Of ancient vintago---a room
containing over four hundred newspapers,
twelve patent Office reports and constant
scarcity of chairs. II was an editorial room.
al like an editorial room," the religious
editor had just said, because you never
have to look for cuspidore in IT. There
was no carpet on The floor.
A yeung gentleman entered. lie wore a
black coat, which was capable Of rejecting
the beams of the sun, and pair Of butternut
trowsers His cont tails were discreetly
long and pinned together. His cheeks were
smooth, his moustache slight, his eyes pale
blue and his fingers we're long and dis
colored with ink, which every reporter
knew in an Instant was of The finest literary
quality.
ais the editor ain inquired the young
man.
81 am the editor said a modest PERSONS
voice, rising above pile Of papers
"Ah," said the young man, N called TO
see If you desired TO employ any further
assistance"
"whot would you like to dos'' asked the
courteous editor.
"Ilumor," replied the young man blandly.
"Iom a humorist."
"Yesv said the editor. ''I am afraid the
humorous staff is fun
"That is way of bumorists," observed
the young man. "Ha-ha. However, |
never drink myselfn
The a1iinr eu,iIad ,olitalv tlNVhnr, hovo
you been in the habit of producing your
humorY" he inquired.
'In Mississippi" replied the young man,
"at first. Lately have produced II every
WHERE more or less"
"Well," said the editor, 'you might send
us few specimens of your work.
"I had anticipated that request" said the
young man. 81 have number of Jokes
here which hope may be found available.
did not say a-fail-able. You understandg'
Every good,' commended the editor,
every good, indeed. "If your written hu-
NOR is as funny as your spoken humor, you
ought to secure national reputation"
"Oh,' responded the humorist, 81 have
wasted considerable time-in the waste
basket, you know--but have hopeful
humor." The humorist smiled indulgently
at himself and said good day.
In the roll of manuscript subsequently,
examined there was found, first, postal
card, ON which was printed the following
deliberate business advertisement:
Managing Edit0r --.
DEAR SIR: herewith enclose few MSS.
Please examine them, and, if available, pub
| lish at your usual rates.
If unsuited to The needs of your journal,
| kindly return IL c articles, using the enclosed
portage. Respectfully, -.
Next was letter In the authors trde
vein addressed to the editor:
Ed. -: hereunder ioclude five or eight
yards of MSS. hope you will see proper to
dig your readers in the short ribs with few
CT them.
If you find they are not hafa goo as clip
pings from newspapers however, plcts toss
them back with the statement that they are
very good al ticles, but that you are not'prnt-
ing anything of the kind just at the present
writing.
Please manipulate the articles quite extcn-
sively before returning them. If possible, re-
turn them in such shape that they will look
like they had been shot out of Gatling gun.
Also, kindly stick few pins in the margin,
wipe the editorial inkstand on them, mark an >
other IN. g) and run them all through
some sort of a mill
would especially call your attention to
the poem entitled 'The Maid of Swampoodlen
and also to my masterpiece entitled "Does
Cutting Off Pug Dogs Tail Create Corre-
spending Change in the Shape of His Soul:"
Respectfully, - -.
Finally there were over fifty jokes and
jokelets, gibes and gibelets, from which
the following were extracted hap-hazard:
II tell you, SIR said the old gentleman,
that Sniffles is vagabond, q liar-an igno-
minions asst Wouldn't associate with him.
Why sir, even tn slaughter-house dogs will
not be caught in his company
Well" said the other, slowly, after a
painful pause, 81 guess you are right. If you
and thedogs won't associate with him, he
must indeed be hard case"
Willie: Papa, what does the Devil punish
people for:
Papa He Furnishes little boys for playing
truant.
Willie thinking he is caught: You will
let me off this time, won't you, papa:
'He parts his hare in the middle said the
hunter, as his companion shot rabbit in
two.
First Bellgerent 0uriously brandishng a
dagger: Does yer see dis here knife:
Second Belligerent advancing rapidly:
Yes, sees 1t; what yer gwine ter do widity
First Belligerent thurriedlyl: | wuz iis'
gwine ter say dat 1t won't be much perteck
shun eff de police Gums.
Husband: TIE Signal Service predicts
warmer, fair weather.
wife: That reminds me, the coal is about
exhausted.
There is diyinity that shapes our ends
rough shoe them as we will said Blatch
ford, as he proceeded TO file dosn a few
corns,
Customer What's the price of these re
volyersy
Proprietor; Dem beestles vas yey goot
reference; foten tolla eff hid toandt xii
zadesfaxyun, ten yeh prinks id bag undt W
pace yeh faftolla yer "a; ten yeh pice yur
mo; yeh no kit zwintledt ven yeh drates mi
It's one.
Democratic Ofilce Hoder Good morning
gentlemen. ! call you gentlemen FOR
last time.
The Tramp's Soliloquy; Footsore aud pen
niless have trudged yet i've leagues more
during six long hours have sought CASTRO
noinical relief through the generosity o
man, and have received naught save hunl
of aged beefsteak; verify, that is pretty
tough wages.
Clerk of Bookstore to proprietor: What
the price of this book?
Propretor That Bible? Forty cents.
Clerk: II is not a Bible; it is an infde
! work.
r Proprietor: Oh, see. Four dollars.