Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-11-27
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Artful Jack-Not Recommendation
An Honest Confessional Wor-
thy Example-A Revised Version,
ETC., etc., etc.
ARTFUL JACK.

ARTFUL JACK.
"Why didn't you write oftener in
answer to my Letters, Jack?" she asked,
tearfully.
because, dearest, he remarked, "yours
were so long and interesting that spent
all the time reading them. ~ Bazaar.
NOT A RECOMMENDATION.
Stranger-Say, mister, did the real
estate man tell you that there's running
water in that house he wants you to buys
Brownies, he said so.
Stranger-Well so there is--only it
runs through the roof every time it
rains.
AN HONEST CONFESSION.
Jenkins-Look here, Tyler. Ny
friends are all guying me about this suit
of clothes. thought you said you never
kept clothes out of style.
Tyler-I don't keep 'em-I sell 'em.
Il America.
A WORTHY EXAMPLE.
Mrs. Trotter-Jane, didn't hear you
say sin the soup" just nowa
Jane-Yes, ma.
Mrs. Trotter-Well, you don't want to
say it again. It's vile slang. Pattern
after me in your language if you want to
be up to snuff Inter Ocean.
REVISED VERSION.
Mr.. Bingo-Well, Tommy, what did
you learn at Sunday school to-day2
TOMMY learned how to say grace.
Mr.. Bingo-Let's hear it.
Tommy (meekly)-It only goes with
two pieces of cake New York Herald.
WOULD LOSE ONE SUIT.
Teacher-If you had suit of clothes
and some one should give you another,
how many would you haves
Willie Slimson-One.
Teacher-Now, Willie, how do you
make that out2
Willie-My little brother Bobbie would
have the other.
DIDN'T WANT LEAD.
Wife (nudging husband at midnight
There's Il burglar down stairs, and he'll
get our silver if you don't go down and
drive him away.
Husband philosophically)-Yes, and
if | do go I'll get his lead think ri
stay where l am, my dear.-[Epoch.
HUMBLED THE PoMPoUs CASHIER.
There is pompous cashier in certain
San Francisco bank who lost all his pride
the other day.
"You must be identified" he said to
tall, hook-nosed woman in green, rec
and blue, who brought in check at (
time his window was crowded.
"Well, I-I-why--I- it cayn't
be! Yes, it is, too. Amt you Henr.
Smith2"
''That's my name, madam" he replied
coldly.
can you don't know me, Hen? In
changed some, an so air you; but jis
knowed I'd seen we. You've got tina
same old cast in your left eye, your nos
crooks little to the left, and you're
Smith all over. An you don't me
Don't know Salindy Spratt that yo
useter coax to become Salindy Smith
Member how We useter haul ME to schoo
on your sled an kiss me in the lane ar
call me your little true love? 'Membe
how ye cut up cause gave ye the nit
bVN. iAtiti, liSll, L IOulNl hOlS al
day talkin' over them old times Yo
!, kin identify me now, can't you, HEMP
"Hen" did so, but in a mood that al
most produced apoplexy.-[San Fran
cisco Wasp.
TOO MUCH OF AN EXERTIoN.
Paticnt-I'm all run down, Doc, sn'
want something to brace me up.
A., r.,
Featherly, you have good constitution
You must have over-taxed your strength
Patient haven't been doing any
thing for month, Doc, except to hop
that our bowling club would win ,
game.
A LIFE-sAvER.
"a great many people owe their lives
to that DOCTOR" said Kicklington.
Is he an able physician3"
''lt isn't exactly that that l referred to
He is never in his office when you wan
him. W Washington Post.
TOO BAD.
''You must write regret, John.
can't 90 to the Bronson's dinner"
"Why not? Didn't your dress Gomez
"Yes-but the dentist hasn't sent M
teeth. ~ Epoch.
TIME is PRECIOUS.
Jack Hustle-Will you marry me
Rita Rustle-This is so sudden-give
me time.
Jack Hustle-You can't afford to waste
any more time. You must be 20 now.
Say yes, Rita.
MISLEADING.
Freddy Fangle-Papa, couldn't the
old patriarchs afford to buy their
clothes2
Fangle- Certainly. Why2
Freddy Fangle-Because the Bible
says, "They rent their garments
Judge.