Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-11-03

1 must know there is money enough and to spare
To save me this horrible housekeeping care"
-
The streets, after night, are vile schools
for the young.
.'Who is your favorite poet, Cynicus?"
"Swinburne; he writes so much prose"
Why do they publish so many dialect
stories in the magazines?" Because it
saves the proof-reader the trouble of cor
recting the spelling"
$50 to work, you azy.thing..' "'Tain't
no use. Work won't do nothin for me
since 1 struck him."
s'Prince Albert Victor wears 611a hat"
perhaps that is where our dudes get the
styles for small heads
ssThere is one thing about a dumb man
public. Sneerwell-Ah! So the public
has speck in its eye, has it?''
1--WE point with pride" continues to be
platform utterance, but ''we view with
alarm" has become back number.
Giles-what does Brown do with all
the money he makes in that scheme?
Merritt-Loses it in another scheme.
The difference between a fiddle and
violin disappears when the fiddle gets
into the hands of man who knows how
to play.
Susie-Papa, isn't it murder to kill a
hog? Papa-Not exactly. Murder is as
saulting with intent to kill. The other is
kflIino with infant IN caI+
Ale is en-vi-ous," read Willie. NO.
said the teacher, who was thinking of
something else. THAT can't be right. 1t
must be he does envy u.s.
''How much is that canary?" "Ten dol |
lars" Very well. I'll take it, Send
me the BILL" 1--WE can not send the bill |
without the rest of the Bird
George am almost sorry to see you
go into society, Edith; you are like
rosebnd-so pure, so innocent Edith
Never mind, George, l can learn.
''The mob is at the door, and my am
is exhausted. They will be upon
Us in moment. Oh! what shall do?"
Heap Goals of fire on their heads
'Snails aren't always slow ''Djever
see fast one?" Eyes. 1 dropped one
from the Eiffel Tower one day last sum-
ner, and he got down before could"
II have noticed one peculiar thing
about letters" said Galley 'sWhat is
hiatt" why, the tales that are too fanci-
al to be swallowed are most eagerly de-
toured
''Does she talk much?7 Talk? Well, l
'uess she does. Why, that womans
ongue would reach down to the bottom
# the bottomless pit and halfway up
gain" 1
Grocer-Didn't yon give that man rath-
r small measure?" Clerk-Yes, sir. But I
les a coal dealer, and would never think
# weighing anything he bought on his ,
'wn scales -
1--WE made my will, Joseph, and it is
o well drawn that it can't be broken"
i rejoice to hear that, uncle. ~ don't
now whether you do or not, Joseph. i
aven't left you cent 9
Eyes, he proposed in the romantic g
lyle. He began, ION my Bonded knees r
It me swear and so on" "Does he ever
ak that way now?" mo. He just swears
Without asking permission"
Mamma hope my little boy while
lining with friends remembered what | Q
Did him about not taking cake the second a
me? Little Boy-Yes, mamma, L remem- /
cred, and took two pieces the first time.
Nurse-Why, what's the matter, Bobby? !
lave you finished your dinner? Bobby !,
sobbing)- Moo. PA sent me away from
he table just because 1 said that Mr..
loses, the man who came to dinner with q
i'm, must have sat on the front seat when b
oses were passed round o
Colored pastor, Diminishing congrega- t
on: "De membahs what am peryided .
lid umbrellahs will please wait It'll 1 take
look at 'em. Since de mysterious dis
ppearance of my own umbrella Sunday.
ar am a cloud of suspicion fioatin' over 9
is yer church which hab got to be dis Ii
elled." r
1--WE have decided to take trip North t.
rites Georgia editor, land during our 8
1sence the paper will be in the charge OF =
ar wife As some of our delinquent SUBJ
;ribers may not know her as well as we :,
., we advise them In advance 10 settle
Ieir accounts In full II she should call u
pom them g