The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-04-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

IL ID 1OI It's OWu Iut0IcSI ludb q
mortgage should be allowed to run
after it is due.-Ronae Sentinel.
If some poets "learn in suffering
what they teach in song," how they
must have suffered!-Tfnae.
The Government of the fabled ANA
IONS is supposed to have been an Oh!-
talk-racy. Bushnell (I1.) Record.
1t is said that man from the Pine
Tree State can be told by the pitch of
his voice. Binghamton Republican.
1t is said that tenors are so conceited
that they will even take base fiattery
to themselves Baltimore american.
That qnarrelsome Mrs. Pence is
crazy" mo wonder; she was always
giving somebody piece of her mind. :"
N. 7. Sun.
1t has been judicially decided that
corn is fuel. The juice of it has long
been known as great heater.-BGltt-
more american.
1t may be all right to wait for ''dead
mems Shoes" but it is folly to 90
stamping around barefooted during the
interval Time.
when fellow gets mashed on
himself" says talented Roman, ''it
isn't long before he cuts out everybody
else. Rome Tribune.
An editorial is Boston paper asks:
'Must the typewriter go?" From its
tone we should judge it was written by
the editors wife. philadelphia Times.
Mrs. Poke-.I wonder why that
chimney doesn't drawph Mr. Poke
81 suppose, my dear, that it is waiting
for somebody to turn the jack. y
brakes Magazine.
McCrackle-"That pair of trousers
reminds me of the condition of affairs
in Europe" McCorkle-s'How SOP"
McCrackle-"lth has worelike aspect"
-Harper's BGzar.
Baritone at the piano sings, kiss
me, darling, in the spring!" And the
fair accompanist murmurs softly.
Whats the matter with doing it
nowP"-Boston Gazette.
'.Are you making gratifying progress
in your literary work?" 20, yes. I've
got to the point now where the editors
will return my MSS. without nv send
ing stamps. ."-Ihe Epoch.
Somebody estimates that it costs a
fond father between 81, 900 and S., 900
to bring up girl-but, bless you! she's
worth it when she has been brought up
right-Sonaercitle Journal
Two Rutgers students have been sus-
pended and one expelled for removing
the clapper from the college bell. It
couldn't have been the latter that tolled
on Observation-Disclosures Ledger.
Tubbs-' ''Tm going to send my poem
to one of the big magazines" Merritt
That's considerable trouble. Why
don't you put it in an envelope and adj
dress it to yourself?"-M. Y. San.
Customer say, uncle, how long
have you had these new-laid eggs in
stock?" Rastus-'1 dunno ezacBly,
boss. You sees, rse only been wu'kin'
heah a month. ."-Aaae7'ica2 Grocer.
Yeast-''What's Smithers playing in
nowP" Crimsonbeak "'Hamlet. ~
s.Does he enter into the spirit of the
piece?" 30, yes; he is taking.the part
of the Ghost. y Yoaakers Statesman.
The reckless clearing away of forests
in New Hampshire is endangering our
water supply. This is very alarming,
in view of the fact that our other sup
ply is cut off by law."-LoceU Matt.
Tommy-"Paw, the paper says that
'Gray's Elegy' is classic. What is
slassic?" Mr.. Figg-'.A classic? Why,
classic is "a sort of highly respect
able chestnut. ."-Terre Haute Egpress.
Teacher (to dull boy in the class s)-
(Which New England State has two
-GapitalsP" Boy : New Hampshire"
Teacher Indeed! Name them" Bow
Capital N and capital H."-Harper's
BGzdr
Grope-''I found an empty pocket
book to-day" Tope = Great luck!
Where did you find it," Grope-.In
beer saloon" Tope-" That's moth
ing; I find one there every night. y
brakes Magazine.
A Russian Nihilist is now serving
country. A Nihilist, once he gets
started, is bound to have his fill of
carnage, and he doesn't care whether
he does it with bombshells or biscuits"
Washington Post.
1.-The present riding habit for ladies
is more becoming than that for gentle
men," says an exchange. Well, we
would just say SO! The gentlemen's
riding habit, we believe, is to let the
ladies stand up Yo'akers Statesman.
Mrs. Wickwire-"Of course have
my faults and failings, but you should
be the last man to find them out"
Mr.. Wickwire-'Well,I 1 suppose l am,
but it is too late for the knowledge to
be of any use to me. '-Ierre Haatte Ea-
press
What was that awful yell?" said
Neersight as he walked along the street
with Sharper who stopped to assist
fallen man to his feet. 20. that was
only banana peal" replied Sharper,
who was fond of his little joke.-Bos-
ton Post.
Wickwire-'I am glad Nudge is
about to marry. hope it will change
him. He has been going down hill for
some time" Mr.. N. Puck-''He won't
be any more. 1t will be an uphill
business after he marries." = Te7re
Haute Erpress.
Father" said a Senator's son who
had just arrived in Washington, II full
ly realize that have many shortcom-
ings--'' Eyes, and | have no doubt
that this is one of them. You are short
and are coming to tell me about it.
Washington Post.
Student (writing to his father)-.I
beg you, dear father, not for minute
to think that need this money to pay
debts with. l give you my word of
honor that l want it only for myself,
and that there is no question of debts
-Ftiege'ade Blaetter.
There is one face that is always be-
fore me-" said Clarence as he stroked
the golden locks of his month-old wife.
''And that is -' And the timid
creature hung her dainty head, while
the heartless wretch whispered: my
own."- Yo1a6eTs Statesman.
Barkeeper-"It may not seem prob
able, but l used to be one of the finest
tenor singers in the country. And
here am now, tending bar" Bragg
20, there is nothing strange in that
Music and the drammer always were
in close association "-Ierre Houte Er-
press.
He was man noted for his Chester
tieldian address and had been very ill.
"You were at deaths door, remarked