Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-06-25
SALAD.

THE woman who gives another a piece
of her tongue can very we'll spare it
Dallas (Ier.) NeWs.
LOOK the farmer loads
His wood to take to town;
This is the kind that's at the top;
And this is lower down:
-paeysourg Segs.
FAIREsT Emma, tell me truly,
You must tell me ere we wed,
If from making tennis records,
You can stop to make some bread.
-Kedrney Enterprise.
THOMAS, what is ophthalmia % asked
Speaker Reeds wife.
81 don't know" replied the Speaker;
"but the eyes have it."-LJe.
YES, Dolly" you may decline, polite
ly, OF course, to answer should the
enumerators ask, "Where did you get
that hat ?"-F0rt Worth Gazette.
WHERE'S Hezekiah ?"
"NVipin' his shoes off on the mat"
"Well, tell him to put 'em on again be-
fore he comes into the parlor."-NeW
York Herald.
"WHAr is this spontaneous combus-
ton, anyhow "it's a fire that lights
ITSELF "By George! that's just the
thing. I'll lay in a stock of EN- for the
furnace next winter. '-Puck.
"AH, love, | would like to listen to
you all night" said Clarence, as he rose
to go.
Six months; after they were married
he CHANGED to stop out fifteen minutes
after his hour, and he had his desire
gratified.-Y onkers Statesman.
TANGLE-"Here's a package of mack
erel just come, Mary, that | ordered
from the city"
Mrs. Tangfe-'Why, no, it isn't mack
nro1 n n ~ iftC God CAN'T Won COO i+'C
marked C. 0. d. How stupid Of them
to send the wrong kind of fish.'-Light.
MARY had a little lamb,
His name is Navarro;
And every where that Mary went
His nibs was sure to go.
He followed her to London town
And set the swells agog,
And waited patiently about
Till Mary got her tOg.
And now that Mary and her lamb
Are by the parson blessed,
The iioneSs and lamb are one
And you know all the rest.
-Oshkosb Northeastern.
GREAT EDIToR-"I see it stated that
the new electrical chair will not kill.
Detail a reporter to try it. If he es-
capes it will make the biggest kind of a
sensation" City Editor-"But what
shall | do if it does kill?" Great Ed
itor-'Get a new reporter. '-NeU York
Weekly.
ANGRY CITIZEN-'How much will you
take and leave the neighberhood at
once?" Leader of Little German Band
Fifty cents" Angry Citizen-'You
ask too much" Leader of Little Ger
man Band-"Ish dot so? Veil, [ blays
II more tune, und den you see if dots
too mooch. Puck.
QUEENIE MCGovERN Mr.. Bitter,
-n,,r nrnconco hos hnoOnon OHInT1S fn
me. Leave me, oh, leave me.
Notta Bitzer-Just make that plural
number, madam; murmur firmly but
distinctly that my presents have be-
come odious to you-then trOt 'em all
out, and I'll leave you, oh, I'll leave
you.-Light.
A YOUNG mother, travelling with her
infant child, wrote the following letter
to her husband at home: 1--WE are all
doing frst-rate, and enjoying ourselves
very much. We are in excellent
health. The baby can crawl about on
all tours and drinks from a bottle all
day long. Hoping that the same can be
said of you, | remain" etc.-1nesterdGDa-
mer.
JoHNNIE-"Pop, are you going 10 send
our chickens away with u.s."
Father Not that | know Of.
Why %
Johnnie-'Cause [ heard you say the
other night that as soon as the old hen
got away you were going to make things
hum around this COOP"
everybody staid at home Epoch.
DESCRIBING HIMsELF-London Hotel
Clerk-tYou are an American, I be-
Geve?"
Mr.. Gotham (of New York)-"No; Pm
a cosmopolitan. | get my morning cock
tail from an Irishman, my launderer is
a Chinaman, my cook a Frenchman, my
tailor an Englshman, my wife a Hol-
lander, and my landlord an Austrian
Jew. Shake well before using
Puck.
True Story of Lady GOdiva.