Sullivan republican. [volume] (Laporte, Pa.) 1883-1896, 1890-08-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Never mlnd-Bad children.
In summer weather the felt hat is felt
hot.
Moses came early; but he didn't avoid
the rushes.
"Oh, you darling old papaw ''Y-e-e-s
dress or bonnet?"- ?"-Astland Press.
An empty larder ought to be enough
to keep the wolf from the door. Texus
.SJtings
The sailor never goes ''around. the
Horn" when he is ashore. He goes
straight for it.-Puck.
Ice is expensive everywhere this season.
Even the icebergs in the Atlantic are re-
ported unusually high. Boston Herald.
Lady Searching for burglars)-"Here
Bridget, you let down the folding bed
and then I'll look under it. -Chautau-
q,tdn.
''Now, then," inquiries a Canadian
paper, ''what is a crankW Why, the
other fellow, of course. So. Paul Pioneer
Press.
she is too lazy to go sleep" "Oh,
the idea" "Fact, nevertheless. He
just simply falls asleep. 7erre Haute
Express.
The schoolma'am seeks vacations joys.
Her labor being done,
And she who tame the little boys
Is now tanned by the sun
Boston Courier.
Exchanging Condolences Clara-"I
have such a horror of growing old"
Maud (sweetly)-sI should think you
would have got over it by this time. y.
brakes Magazine.
Parting is such sweet sorrowl" she
quoted. The young man blushed
nervously. "You're right" he replied,
"Ill go to the BARRIERS next time ~
american Grocer.
Mr.. Carpenter-"Thatw was a nice slip
of the tongue you made introducing me
to those young ladies as Mr. Carter" Mr..
Tom Bigbee--"Well, / should call it a
slip of the pen. Pluck"
Judge-"What sort of man, now,
was it whom you saw commit the as
sault" Constable-"Shure, yer honor,
he was small, Insignificant craythur-
about yer own size. - Chatter.
Madame Hautry-"You the singing.
master But we do not want singing
MASTER" Herr Pumpernickel-- Bardon;
de laty next door toldt me you wanted
one badly-she sent me !"-Judge.
you've been riding bicycle, hear"
said one department clerk to another.
"Just for exercise, you know" "It has
reduced your weight some, l think"
"Yes, have fallen off great deal."--
Washington Post.
A-'sA more deserving medical man
than our friend Richard does not exist.
He very frequently accepts no fees from
his patientsw B-"You don't say so2"
A-"For he GENERALLY settles with the
heirs. > Flisgende Blaetter.,
s'Are you aware, sir, said the man in
the rear tiercely, ''that your umbrella is
poking me in the eye?" ''It isn't my
umbrella" replied the man just in front
with equal fierceness. Its borrowed
one, sirp'-C Chicago Tribune.
Young Husband--eW Whata You are
twenty-five years old to-daya Why, you
told me year ago, just before the we'd
ding, that you were only twenty" Young
Wife (wearily)-..Ah, yes, l have aged
rapidly since married. ."-La Galois.
A.-"Did you hear that the thief and
desperate, Buckshot Jack, had been
killedp B.--'sNo. Died with his boots
on, l suppose" A.-"No, indeed. He
died with another mans boots on.
Robbed a shoe store. ."-Teras Siftinqs.
In describing the murder of man
Jorkins, a reporter, thus commented on
the event: "The murderer was evidently
in quest of money, but luckily Mr.. Jor-
kins deposited all his funds in the bank
the day before, SO that he lost nothing
but his life. ."-Birmingham Post
Wife (delightedD "What! home
through the summer shower2 But where
did you get that lovely piece of ice?"
Husband (exultantly) hailstone
which just fell in our front yard, and we
can pay off our mortgage with it,
Chicago Times,