The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-09-24
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

A title will often sell book and al
ways buy an American girl.
The hen is not cheerful fowl. She
broods a great deal. .-B3ston Bulletin.
Henderson always speaks of his sons
allowance as the fresh heir fund. -B0St0B
Post.
That man is lucky who can partake of
meals that his cook also relshes.-
Puck.
People who say sharp things often get
the reputation of being blunt Balti-
more american.
Ice is very high in Switzerland. Some
of it on Mount Blanc is over 16, 600 feet
above the sea level.
"Look out" cried the pebble to the
clam shell; "there's a cold wave COM
ing. "-Harper's Bazar.
"Did your father leave a wiIl2" ''No,
no will; nothing but plain every day
bills. - Washington Post.
The dressmaker does her work with
mathematical accuracy. She is great on
figures. - Washington Post.
Misfortune and poverty bring out the
good points of man including his ell
bows.-BurtiagtoR Free Press.
The man that can't sing and won't sing
deserves the sincere thanks of a mu ;icql
community -Somer0tAe Journal
Travelling Agent-"Are you the head
of the house, sir2" Mr.. Cowed-"Hem
-Ah!-I represent her. ."-Puck.
Man proposes and - then goes homo
wondering how he managed to make
such fool of himself over it.-Pucb.
If glass was not discovered, so to speak.
Until the world lad reached a quite old
date.
What did the fishermen before that time
Use instead of it to hold their bait?
philadelphia Times.
There never was a woman who didn't
long to tell some other woman just how
she ought to do up her hair -S3mTgWs
Journal
In large families it has been found that
the olive branch of peace is not equal to
the wellmatured hickory yearling.-
Dallas Mews.
"Papa," said Willie, "what is rara
avis2" "a rara avis, my son, Is a dude
with brains. You hardly ever see one"
-NeO York Sun.
Beggar-"Please, sir, give me a few
pennies. My wife is dead" Mr.. Hen
peck-''Man alive! What more do you
2"-B9ston AdUertiSer.
Uncle Sam is frequently depicted as a
slim, cadaverous looking man, but he
has mighty strong constitution just the
same Commercial Adoertiser.
1t is not true that the rain falls alike
upon the just and the unjust nowadays.
1t falls more upon the just, because the
other fellow has stolen his umbrella.
She was only summer girl tits true,
But when he made her his wife
In memory for those times she made
1t hot for him all his life.
Philadelphia Times,
Speaking Of maternal instinct, a
marine exchange has an article on "De-
voted Mother Whales So does the
devoted father, only he lays it on harder.
-PhiIadelphja Press.
CoNsrANCY.
II you offer your hand TO some fair maid
As TO wedding, perhaps she'll scof,
But If you offer It TO buzz saw
The affairs likely to come Off,
Philadelphia Times.
Judge-"This gentleman can identify
the watch, because his initials ar,
scratched on the inside of the case.'
Prisoner-"No, he can't; scratched
them of. - CiOthiers' and FuInisberS
Gdzetts.
Yeast-"Here's an account in the pa
pcrs of man holding his breath for
one hour. Do you believe thatl"
Crimsonbeak 49, Certainly. Why, Me.
thuselah held his breath for over nine
hundred years. - Statesman.
Wee Wife-"Loye youl OF course
do. You dear, blessed old peach crop
Big Husband Qoviug, but luckless)-
"Great Scott! Why this new title"
w. W.-"Because you are such perpe
tual failure "-MilUaukee Aers.
APPEARANCES DECEIVE.
swell may seek TO cut a dash
With flannel suit, silk shirt and cane;
But frequently the finest sash
Win hide the most distressing pain.
-NeiO York Journal
"What is necessary when you wish to
beat a retreatl" as Sed an old military mar
at Fort Washington. 81 suppose you'd
have to retreat faster than the other fell
lows was the reply that came after
some elaboration Washington Post.
Hand TO Mouth. - Snaggs - "llello,
Baggsl Haven't seen you for years.
How are you living nOwF Bags
rHand 70 mouth" Snaggs - You
don't say so. BY Jove, / wouldn't have
thought it." Baggs-''Why nof Cant
a man be a dentist and be respectabletN e.
Darlington F'rss Press,