Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-12-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

nANA may % uCIl41S Dut Inc Su1kAc-
stamp, but stamps" count for consider
able nowadays.
SUNDAY School teacher - Now,
Johnny, tell me who was Adams wifeP
Scholar-Mrs. Adam, miss
"CoAAGUTER tells me he has named all
his hens Macduff." @How asinine
But why?" "In hopes that they'll lay
on"
IT WONDER if George Washington
liked to go fishing ?" Guess he never
never told lie, you know"
CoNrRIBUToR-I have an article here
concerning the benefits of advertising,
which T. Editor eagerly Yes, sir,
well examine it with pleasure.
EDITH Twelve years old Nellie,
dear. how can a girl find out young
Oh, at any commercial agency.
CARRIE-Do you believe it is more
blessed to give than to receive? Harry
Quickly kissing her)-I don't know. I
should like. to try both before I make
up my mind.
SWEET girI-H it's just the same,
Mr.. Mashuer, you needn't trouble your
self to call any more. Mashuer lear
nestly6Oh, thanks; it's no trouble at
ALL like to call.
EXCITED citizen-Oficerl oficerl A
man has just jumped off of that pier.
Policeman (who can't swim)-WeIl,
there amt no law agin bathin' with
clothes on. is there?
OLD MilIion-My dear Miss Young
thing, if you'd only marry me could
die happy. Miss Youngthing-W Why,
Mr.. Million, if you were dying I'd mar
~ you In q minute.
Well, how did your bet
with Miss Southmayd come out Travis
1t resulted in tie. BIoodgood-
Why, how could that be? A silk tie
for me, don'tcher know =
JUDaE-And you say the prisoner
came up and assaulted you with malice
aforethought? Witness-No, sab; he
didn't use no sech implement as dat.
He jes' hit me wild er club, sab.
LADY Ito tramp)-Poor man; I sup
pose that in your hard life you meet
with great many stumbling blocks
Tramp-Yes, madam, but the chop
ping blocks are what I most dread.
O.. AT the seashore; Maddox = Look
here, Simeral, don't you know it is
dangerous to go into the water after q
hearty meal SimeraI- not going
THE difference between the "beehive"
in the city and the beehive in the far
mer's back orchard is that in the for
mer they sell almost everything, while
in the latter they cell nothing but
honey. /
DEACON SMITH trust that you be-
Eeve in eternity? Bass Cwho is having
some repairs done at his house)-Oh,
certainly! There must be, else how
could that plumber ever get his work
finished ?"
YOUNG man-Do you buy duplicate
wedding presents? Dealer-Yes, sir,
that's my business. Young maxwell,
Pve got couple of sixty-day notes
made by my wife's father that I'd like
to dispose of.
"Do YOU realize, young man" said
the parson to an unconverted sinner,
when you retire to rest at, night that
you may be called before dawn ?" Why,
of course do" responded the sinner.
"Pm the father of three-weeks-old
baby"
BL1NKs Cat the ferry)-He11o, Jinks,
where you been? Jinks-Been spend
ing couple of weeks in the country.
Got board on farm for eight dollars
q week. Binks-You don't say so.
LIZ" az JOU AOoA' VAh1AS AA0ASAJ az
bear.
The little rascal got spanked for
hanging his cap up on the floor.
"There," said the mother, "now do you
know where to put your cap?" II
know where wish had put it.
answered the hopeful, as he rubbed
himself.
SHE-I could have married either
Whipper or Snapper if I'd wanted to,
and both of those men have since got
rich, while you are still as poor as a
church mouse. He-Of course. I've
been supporting you all these years.
| They haven't.
VIsrroR-Didn't that motto read
"Never Say Die when you got it ?" Mrs.
Barowski-Yes, but when IYanoYitch
joined the Anarchists he insisted upon
my substituting the word work" for
"die." I never liked the word "die." It
has a horrid sound.
"IT's pretty damp for person with
! the rheuma tism to be proving around,
Uncle Josh" "Mebbe, boss, but it's
der doctors advice "Do you mean to
tell me the doctor advised you to be
out nights ?" ~Not 'xactIy dat way
but he said must have chicken brof.
Mrs. NEwBR1DE-My husband and
I are going for cruise in the Rokoyles'
yacht. Mrs, Tangle-How NIGEL Mrs.
Newbride = Yes. Henry is very fond
of yachting, and he is getting into
training already. He told me last night
that he had been splicing the main
brace.