The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1890-01-02
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

A slow match-four years of court
ship.
Frosts are generally dew before they
come.
Good housekeepers prefer ]. c. Davis
Old Soap. 1t saves labor and clothes.
A credit able affair-The dinner that
is not paid for.
For a disordered liver try Beecham's
Pills.
A signal failure-A futile attempt to
stop a streeI-car.
Strange to say, the color that runs is
not fast color.
The downward path-The one with a
piece of orange peel ON it.
Pears Soap secures a beautiful com
plexion.
Why il the centre of tree like o
dogs tail? 1t is farthest from the bark
Catarrh originates in scrofulous faint.
Hoods Sarsaparilla purifies the blood
and thus permanently cures catarrh.
Kissing matches don't come by the
box,
Usher (at reception, pompously, as
Mr.. Foot and dauk hters enter): MIR.
Foot and Misses Feet ~
Mr.. Brown congratulations, old
fel ! Boy or girl ?" Gray, dejectedly {:
''Bolh. Two of 'eu."
The great trouble with the pug as a
! professional beauty is that his ekin il
made to fl shorter dog.
When may a man be said to belong t.
the vegetable kingdom? When expert
ence has made him sage.
"Why, Alice, you've put your shoes
on the wrong feet" "Whst'll / do,
mamma? They all the feet I've got. :"
"If were my own enemy" said q
Brooklyn politician, IL could tell you
.Ome awiully tough stories about ne
self"
One swallow doesn't make summer,
but 1t may have occurred to you thai
one grssshopper makes a great many
springs.
I'D rather he wild turkey and live
on the prairie" said the small boy, ethan
ne tame turkey and lie killed every
year"
A woman who favors equal suffrage
wants to ask if it is a crime TO be wO-
man. No, but it is not manly. We Will
say no more.
Let observation with extended view
survey good things from China to
Peru" and he will not find anything OF
-uch astonis hing merit in killing all tht
pains that flesh ia heir to, as he will
know is in Salvation OIL, when he hat
given it fair trial.
Old man. from floor above lis tina
young man still IN the parlor, Cora p
Young man, nervously : Yes, sir, but
he is trying TO get away"
"Well, l see old SmIthers is dead al
last" Eyes, it was sad blow to me. "
~ did Mt know you were friend OF his. y"
mo, was his physician.
Grandma Il wonder if that slip
set cut three weeks ago has rooted"
Little Tot mo. grandma, it hasn't got
root. I've pulled it up every day 10
see."
Salesman : "CaD it be possible Mis-
Coupon. whom had the pleasure Of
meeting at Bar Harbor last summer
How long" Miss Coupon (: Ten
yards, please"
Insurance agent Now that you are
married l suppose you will take out b
policy" Young Bggs "Ob, no,
don't think she is going to be danger
ous."
"John, your little sister is crying be.
cause you do not share your peach with
her." But that isn't 80, mamma.
gave her the stone, and if she plants it
she can have whole tree"
Lady why, you are the same man
to whom / gave loaf of my homemade
bread the other day." Tramp Yes
mum, and merely came around to show
you that am still alive"
IT is FOOLISH
To send for the doctor every time you
don't feel just right. My doctors bill
for years was over hundred dollars 9
year. which made pretty big hole in
my wages. For the past two years
only spent ten dollars. with which go'
a dozen bottles of Sulphur Bittsrs, ano
health has been in my family since using
them.-Robert johnson, Machinist.
Mai. Henderson THAT is bad news
hear about Col. Carter" Capt. Dawson
whats up now p Il understand thu
colonel has quit drinking" you don't
say so ! When is the funeral 2"
John this is very bad report you
bring me rom school," II know, faith
err, but you said if l would bring you 8
first class report you would give me two
dollars. and | wanted to save you thai
expense"
An advertisement in the Media Penn.
Record announce, the location OF piec,
Of property up for sale as l a inches
from the town of Wawa.
A young woman of Crescent City
Col, picked up pebble on the beach
and sent it to a lapidary in San Fran
cisco. He pronounced 1t true emer
aid, worth $4,000,
Prince Leon Galiizen, who was one o.
the judges of the wine exhibits at thu
Paris exhibition, has been compelled t.
taste 80 900 varieties of wine within thu
last three months.
One of the latest notions issilver muz
zles for fashionable dogs By those WHIT
do not wish to hurt the feelings Of thei
dog the usual thing is to say, "come and
have your hat put on"
Some Wheeling, Penn, boys put up {
, job on user OF the weed, concealing :
piece of soap in the plug. The tobacco
chewer masticated some Of the COM
pound, I'd was sick for two days.
With the view of testing new tooth
pulling machine which he was about tC
purchase, WiliamspOrt dentist allow
ed himself to be operated upon and thu
lower M of his face was nearly tori
] away.
"What are The chief requisites fol
success in the literary world, Mrs. Nib
l.. son ?" inquired softly There are TIVE
that may MENTION" replied The oracle
l"One of them is plenty of patience
/ I"What is the other?' Plenty OF post
age-stamps."
A Toledo gentleman found the follow
ing on his doorstep Mr.. d Old Boy
Please get up early in the morning anc
pound nails. Make as much noise a.
possible. We think the neighbors car
stand it one more morning, but II yor
10 it again we will kill you. White
Tana