The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-11-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A race On the Thames-The English.
Life.
The kernel commanding in Kansas
Corn.-PttSJ,ug Telegraph.
"shot down." The fellow who killed
a young duck.-DdnsUiHe Bresze.
Never cast pearls before swine, Pearls
are not fattening. Boston Transcript.
"I believe in taking things quietly"
remarked the philosophical sneak thief.
Life.
"Capital punishment" as the boy said
when the schoolmistress seated him with
the girls.
Never knew what struck him-The
humorist who could not remember yes
terday's idea.
1t is no sign because man is au sold
SALT" that he wasn't fresh when he was
a boy.-LJe.
A man of Eighty disposition should
never be made the cashier of bank
PittsJury Dispatch.
A woman who makes practice of bor-
rowing q quart of milk generally makes
pint of returningit.
'Do you keep horseW 81 tried to
once, but the officers tracked me and 1
had to give it up"
Fame is glorious thing to achieve,
but small salary is more negotiable
BinghamtOn Leader.
Husband-"Atwhat age did you COM
init the most foolish act of your life"
Wife-"At my marriage"
"This boat smells dreadfully of on
ions" ''Yes, madam" said the captain,
''she is a very leeky craft.
Ted-'I'm going to run him race
for Dolly's hand" Ned-"Then it will
be a sack race for one of you"
1t is a peculiar fact that "the more a
man gets the more he wants, and the
more he wants the less he gets -Epoch.
The newly made bride may be witty,
Or stupid, tits small matter which,
The maiden inquiries If she pretty,
The youth wants to know il she's rich.
Boston Courier.
Emma-'Does my dress hang all right,
dearl" Lucile-'It certainly deserves
to. The style is positively criminal
Ne,O York Herald.
Johnny, you shouldn't run out in the
rain without your hat on "Mamma,
my head can't get wet, I've had it
shingled. "-Neo Y0rb Herald.
Mrs. Staggers-''We are to have dear
mother for dinner, Jamesw Mr., Stag
gers-"All right; see that she is thor
oughly cooked. ."-Piek- Ne Up.
Teacher-"Can you tell me what
Iecret ISL" little Giri-'Yes'm. 1t is
something somebody tells everybody
Slse in a whisper. - Chicago Post.
She'll set aside the tennis cap
To comfort her poor mother;
But let appear some handsome chap,
How quick she'll set the other.
-BOStoR Transcript.
81 never realized what was meant by
fingers of scorn, said ayoung Washing
ton man, "until | proposed to deaf
mute and was rejected. - Washington
Post.
Crawford--"Why did you get up and
go out so suddenly in the middle Of the
concert last night2' McDowd-"Be-
cause couldn't face the music" -
Light.
"Aud so Jimpson read his poem to
you yesterday How did you endure
it2' al Just fixed my glass eye on him,
and went to sleep with the otherl"-
IO0a Crier.
Growler, when asked what he cousid-
cred the saddest thing iu life, said lac was
always miserable when he had a big APP
petite and nothing 10 eat, aud suffered
terribly when he had plenty TO eat and
no appetite. Eimira Ga.ctjs.
The conversation had turned on gos-
siping servants. ''As for me, remarked
Jones, who was present, "niy dream is
to have only two, one of whom should
be deaf and the other dumb The deaf
rascal wouldn't be able to hear anything,
and the dumb one couldn't repeat what
he happened TO hear. '-Judgs.
The notorious Albanian baudit, Hadn
Pillman, before he was led 10 execution,
expressed a last wish 20 make a meal of
cuTied mutton. But as the Turkish cook
did not understand how to prepare the
dish, the culprit pushed back his plate,
saying: "if l ate any Of that stuff
should have the dyspepsia for week at
the very least - Rgslor Nactriehtca.