davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

The paving block that caErot swim has
no business upon any Of the streets OF Detroit
Detroit Free Press.
snapper-Who is that idiot that Just went
out leaving the door open?
Cynic-He's the fellow who swore so because
someone else left 1t open.-BOston Herald.
Husband-I see that woman is about to
apply for a seat in the New York Stock Exchange
Wife-Why don't some Of the men get up and
give her u seat?-L LoloeH Citizen.
Ore cannot understand the true delights
of 4 still hunt until he goes out on one with an ex-
else officer in Kentucky. 1t is then that one en-
ctdL Advertiser.
Devotion.-"John, the doctor says must
up wine. but think must nave one moro bottle,
even though it kills me-
"AlI right, your honor, will cheerfully die
with you. ''-Elieqsnde BLGtter.
Waddle-Why are you so cross?
FoddIe-Confound :he luck, had some salts.
faction thinking that 1 had got out of the ice
mans clutches when he quit delivering.
waddle-Didn't you?
PoddIe-No. He went right into the coal bust
ness.-Dstr0tt Free Press.
The man who promptly pays his bills
Who never felt the poor mans chIIls,
Is lonesome:
Who can always meet his debts,
And who never. never bets,
Who iirts not with the glrls-the pets,
Is lonesome, awfully lonesome
boston Herald.
Charles Dudley Warner says the WASH
ington Star. called one day upon his neighbor,
Mark Twain, and asked him to go walking. The
humorist resisting. Warner advanced scriptural
authority in support OF his desire IS follows:
Matthew v: xii, .'And whoever shall compel thee
to 70 mile, go with him, Twain" And Twain
went.
where are you going, nv pretty maid?"
'Tn cunning for fools! Look out!'' she said.
boston TrdrsILsr.
Father-Why don't you work?
son-Why, am as busy as Q bee.
Father-You do nothing but eat.
son-WeIl that is all the bees are doing just
now.-Neto YORK Herald.
Haven't you forgotten something, sir?"
asked the head porter Of guest who had paid his
bill and was leaving the hotel.
''Oh, no. - replied the non-tipper 'if have
you can keepit.''
much Obliged! notice you left your pocket
book lying on the desk. '-Heto York Sun.
Mrs. Gszzam Ito Sadie Bloobumper)-
Where's your mamma. Sadie?
Sadie-She went over to Mrs. Gargoyle's two
hours ago TO stay i've minutes.-Tso York Svss
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
FINAL WORDS To VOTERS.

The final appeal Of the Lincoln Independ-
ent Republicans to the voters of this State,
which we print elsewhere, is candid and
OF its spirit and the dignity of its Ian
guage makes this concluding arraign-
ment of Mr.. Delamater the more con-
yincing and destructive. Beside such
a judicial summing up of the Republican
candidates delinquencies such pItiful roor-
backs as the South Penn fabrications and
other eleventh-hour expedients of Mr..
Andrews manufacture betray in the plain
est manner the weakness of Mr.. Delamater's
case. If there be any still honestly in
doubt as to the issues at stake in the ap-
preaching election they should read the final
appeal of the Lincoln Republicans.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
Won MOLTKE AT NINETY.

PHILADELPHIA Pre- Won Moltke needed
but one thing to round out his splendid birthday
celebration and that was a message of con-
graduation from that other brave general
Boulanger, but the latter was doubtless pre-
occupied with his own affairs
TIE Washington Post: 1t is probable that
never before has successful General lived to
an age when he could SO fully witness the mag
nifcent results of his success. and when he
could SO unreservedly enjoy the rapturous
plaudits of a united and grateful nation.
The Philadelphia Ledger: Field Marshal
Won Moltke is soldier entirely worthy of the
high honors paid to him by his Emperor and
the people. 1t is doubtful, however, whether
Won MoItke himself enjoyed the occasion, or.
if he did it is because old age has tempered his
feelings.
THE New York Commercial Advertiser: All
the world sympathIzes with Germany IN her
festival in Count Won Moltke's honor. And the
worlds sympathy is all the warmer, remember
ing that this great man of war is also a gentle
kindly man of peace, around whom children
flock whenever he appears on the street.
THE Philadelphia Times: Not only is Won
Noltks the oldest as well as the greatest of
field marshals, but he is the last of type that
cannot survive him. The great military estab.
l1sbments of which he was SO supremely repre-
sentative must disappear in the near future by
disarmament or they will 60 down in the fall
and crash Of empires. :
NEW YORK Tribune: Count Won Moltke's
laure]s do not suffer Prince Bismarck to sleep.
The young Emperor, in showering honors upon
the conaueror of Koeniggraetz and Sedan, has
neglected the restless sage of Varzln, whose
pen was mightier even than the victorious
sword in shaping the destinies of Germany
Excuses are rendered for the Princes absence
from the banquet and military fetes in Berlin;
but suspicion is aroused that he was deliber-
ately sighted by the Court.
THE Boston Herald: He is unquestionably
the most popular old soldier in Europe, and,
like the late Captain of our own armies, he is
noted for his taciturnity. And yet he is fitted
to shine in any circle. He could fill the chair
of languages in any university in the world.
He speaks and writes with facility and precis-
ion German and Danish. French and Italian,
Snanish. Romaic. Turkish. Arabic. Russian and
English There is no better draughtsman in
the German military service than he, and his
water-color paintings possess high artistic
merit. He Is a thorough musician, a good
chess player, an accomplished horseman and
fencer and the greatest strategist in the world.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
ANIMALS USING FIRE.

This Destroys Distinction Heretofore Made
Between Man and Beast.
From Cham bers' Journal.l
A knowledge of the use of fire and artificial
lights has always been regarded as distinctly
human. and as marking definite separation
line between man and the lower animals. It
would appear from a paragraph in Stanley's
new book. ''In Darkest Africa" that this dis
tinction can no longer be claimed.
On page 42S of the first volume of that work
the author says that among other natura! his
tory notes which he cleaned from Emin Pasha
was the following: THE forest of Msongwa is
infested with large tribe of chimpanzees. In
summer time, at night, they frequently visit
the plantations of Mswa station to steal the
fruit. But what is remarkable about this is the
fact that they use torches to light the way!
Had l not witnessed this extraordinary spec
tacle personally should never have credited
that any of the Simians understood the ART of
making fire."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
A NOVEL PEN-WIPKR.

The Juicy Potato is Said to Remove the Ink
and Delay Corrosion.
From the Pail Mall Budget1
One of the chief woes of the ready writer be
he clerk or what not, consists in the fact
that he no sooner gets pen in good working
order, than it, like the dear gazelle." comes
to an untimely end from the corrosion caused
by the ink. Life is not long enough to use and
mend quills, nor to apply with delicate fitness
the pen-wiper to a steel one. But some genius
has now hit on solution of the difficulty
which has the merit of the most extreme Sim
plicity.
In many Offices we are informed, potato is
used instead of q pen-wiper. The juicy tuber
holds the pen steady. removes at once all ink
from the nib. and prevents, or at least very
greatly delays. the corrosion, and spares many
a well-loyed pen to a ripe old age.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
FEATHERED WARRIORS.

A Brief Description of How the English
Partridge Fights and Runs.
From Longman's Magazine.]
When two partridges meet on the war-trail,
they rush wildly up to within foot of each
other, and then commence to leap up and down
as though they formed the extremities of an
invisible see-saw. Presently one becomes tired.
and, turning runs as for his very life across the
plain, followed by other IN fierce pursuit
When No. has had enough running. he turns
and the see-saw process recommences, to be
followed generally by the retreat Of No. 2 and
SO on ad infnitum.
Occasionally one of the warriors loses an eye;
but this may be regarded as an accidental oc-
currencc probably equally deplored by ag-
gressor and aggrieved.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
CLEVELAND WILL BE THERE.

The Ex-President Booked to Speak at the
Thurman Banquet
SPECIAL TELEGRAM TO TEE DISPATCH,
COLUMBUS, October 2S.-Among those who
have accepted invitations to respond to toasts
at the banquet in honor of the nth anniversary
of Judge Thurman's birthday. November l3,
are ex-President Cleveland, IAN American
Citizenship" General Thomas Ewing. New
York; Don NJ. Dickinson, Detroit; Senator Car
Isle and Governor Buckner, of Kentucky.
Senator Calvin s. Brice arrived from New
York this evening. He is on the Banquet 1nvi-
tatiou Committee. and in connection with the
Thurman anniversary will devote several days
to the Ohio campaign, and especially to the
State Ryan, Republican candidate for re-elec-
tion. has cancelled all engagements on account
of serious i'll health.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
SAD EVENTS RECALLED
BY the Funeral of a Young Lady at Green's
burg Yesterday,

BY the Funeral of Young Lady at Green's
burg Yesterday.
The funeral of Aunie Zita Ryan at st. Jo-
seph's Academy. Greensburg. yesterday, re-
called a terrible time in that institution Miss
Annie, with her sister Katie, had been pupils at
st. Joseph's when the news was brought that
their father. Sheriff Ryan. their mother. and
several of their brothers and sisters, had per-
ished in the Johnstown flood. Twenty-Five
members of the family we're drowned on that
awful night. Since then Annie and Katie had
made their permanent home at ST. Joseph's.
Annie was stricken with consumption last
August, having before that enjoyed robust
health. Since the disease made its appearance,
however, she sank rapidly. being confined to her
bed for several weeks before her death. She
was very lovable girl. full of life and spirit
until she became sick. and was a tavorite of all
her schoolmates as well as the Sisters. She was
only Is years of age. The remains we're taken
to Johnstown for interment. Sheriff Ryan was
very well known in Pittsblrg,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
OUR MAIL POUCH.
One of the Campaign Yarns.
To the Editor of The Dispatch:

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
The writer, an Independent Republican, was
informed by one of Delamater's admirers that
ex-Governor's Pattison's father was 4 rebel
and fought in the Confederate army, and that
the Ex-Governor was entirely IN sympathy with
the Southern cause. While the writer has
always considered Ex-Governor PattIson a true
citizen and no traitor, and intends to vote for
him provided his Southern pedigree is not so
abnormally developed as stated. Any informa-
ton on this subject will be of great service to
independent voters
INDEPENDENT REPUBLICAN,
ALLEGHENY, October q, 1890
lit is stated that Ex-Governor Pattison had
the misfortune to be born a few miles across
the Pennsylvania line in Maryland His father
did not serve in the Confederate army. and the
Ex-Governor himself was of about the right
age to be going to school at the time.l
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
THE FIRST sOIREE MUSICALE
Of the Pittsburg Female College Proves a

of the Pittsburg Female College Proves a
Complete Success.
The college chapel was filed last evening at
the Pittsburg Female College in honor of the
first soiree musicale of the series to be given
this winter. Mr.. Theodore Salmon was con-
ductor of the occasion, and deserves great
credit for the smooth manner in which the
programme was rendered, as well as for secur-
ing such well-known and acknowledged artists.
The pianist was Mr.. Carl Retter; the tenor, Mr..
Harry Brocketr; the elocutionist. Miss Mary
Kier-all justly appreciated by Pittsburgers
The yiolinist was Miss Lucille Eldridge of
Cleveland, hitherto a stranger to our public
but after one performance recognized as an ar
tist of considerable ability. The lady is MEM
ber OF the college faculty.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

The silver wedding of the Emperor and
Empress Of Russia is to be celebrated in st.
Petersburg shortly with great pomp and mag.
nifcence. Doubtless the Nihiists will see the
propriety of reminding the Car of their love
on this occasion with some delicate little tes-
timonial of an elevating nature.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
THE KINGS DAUGHTERS.

Willing Workers of st. Peters Church Hold
aBook Reception.
The second annual book reception of the
Willing Workers Circle Of the Kings Daugh-
ters. of st. Peters Episcopal Church, was given
last evening in the Sunday school room of the
church on Diamond street. An excellent pro-
gramme was presented. Among the perform
ers were Miss Camille Will, the Misses Mattern.
James Bennett, Edward S. McClelland, James
Matthews, W. w. Logan, Edward V. Clark and
others.
The admission was free, but each attendant
was expected to donate book for the Library
of the Young Wonen's Boarding House, ALE.
gheny, and quite a collection of new and old
books was secured.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

THE New York importers who met yes
terday and resolved formally that the McKin-
ley law is not a law at all would be far more
profitably employed looking after their bust.
ness under the law. There is not the smallest
probability Of clerical error, which can have
no effect until January next anyhow, being
deemed sufficient reason by the courts for max
lug the whole law null and void.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

1t is pointed ont that Mr.. Blaine in going
from Washington to speak in MeKinley's be-
half at Canton travelled six times as far as he
would have had to had he gone from Augusta
to Portland last September to advocate
Speaker Reeds election. The longest way
round is sometimes the shortest way home.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
Insurance Methods.

From the New York journal of Finance.l
An investigation into the methods of life in.
surance is quite sure to result in remarkable
disclosures. Here is company with $780, 900
capital doing business of $3.50, 100000. Many
others appear with no stock and little surplus,
and then another presents itself, claiming the
consideration Of the public. with policies ex-
piring by lapse almost equal in number to those
issued and with annual expenditures far ex.
ceeding the amounts paid for death claims.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

THE Philadelphia Press tells "those who
have any thought that Pennsylvania intends to
fall behind her achievements of former years."
that they will be greatly surprised when con-
fronted by the figures of the election. The
Press is right. Pennsylvania intends to equal,
if not surpass, her record in 1852, when she
elected Robert E. Pattison Governor.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
An Entertainment in Coraopolis.

An entertainment will be given in Coraopolis
tomorrow evening by the Lawn Tennis Club.
consisting of musical and elocutionary selec-
tions. Miss Graham, of Allegheny, and Miss
Jolly, or Phillipsburg, will take part, and home
talent will furnish a miscellaneous menu. Mr..
Alexander Stephens will deliver lecture,
subject: The Future of Coraopolis, the Gem
OF the Ohio Valley and the Home Of the
Cracesu
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
VIII Face a Large Audience.

Robert ]. Burdette, with his amusing lecture
on 1.-THE Rise and Fall of the Mustache," will
be the attraction at the second entertainment
of the winter series under the auspices of the
Y. NJ. G. A. at Williamsburg Friday, Novem-
ber Il The concert last week was such re-
markable success that there is no doubt that
the genial Bob will face a large audience.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
DEATHS OF A DAY.
Lyman L. Lamb,

ERIE, october q. Lyman l.. Lamb. one OF
Erie's most distinguished citizens. died to-day
the age Of four score Deceased was one of the
owners OF the famous Noble thousand-barrel oil
WELL in the early days OF Titusvile. He after
ward became President of the Erie Dime Bank,
which position he held for many wears. he was
also an ofncer OF the Keystone National Bank at
the time OF his death. Deceased leaves family In
this city. who inherit large fortune.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

The Democrats have been reproved for
asserting that the tariff is a tax, but they may
say with proprIety that it is q tax upon popular
credulisy to assert that the tariff is at stake in
this campaign.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

SPEAKER REED lost his pocketbook at
Waterloo, la, one day last week and had to
borrow the price of his sleeping car berth. But
borrowing dollar or two from his friends was
comparativelyeasy to the statesman who OBJ
tanned quorum in the House from his oppo-
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
GREAT TIME TODAY.

Catholics to Celebrate an Archbishop's
25th Anniversary.
CHICAGO, October &-The Catholics of CHI
cago and of the West will begin tomorrow a
celebration in honor of Archbishop Feehan,
who. on November ]. will have completed his
twenty-fifth year in the priesthood.
1t bids fair to be the creates: religious
pageant ever seen in the West. Ponrffcial
high mass will be celebrated tomorrow morn
ing at 10 o'clock at the Cathedral of the Holy
Name.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
A Success in Every Respect.

The musical and literary entertainment last
evening in the Williamsburg Academy was a
perfect success. 1t was given under the auspices
of class No. 10, Of the Sunday school Of the M.
E. Church. and comprised long and varied
programme. Every number was loudly ap-
piauded. The proceeds will be applied to the
fund for the new Methodist Church building
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

CHAIRMAN BRICE, of the Democratic
National Committee, processes to think that
President Harrison is the strongest candidate
the Republican party has. With his eyes on
1892 doubtless Mr.. Brice wishes that the Repub-
lican party would think so, too.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
OF English statesmen much that he does nc
know of the art Of keeping young.

The most laughable of all the attacks
made upon Mr.. Pattison by the Delamarer or
gans is the charge that he showed undue haste
and decision in refuting vile libel by prose-
cutting the leaders in court
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
He Can Vote Next Tuesday.

To the Editor OF The Dispatch:
A is q years of age to-day. Can he vote at the
election on November 4? says he cannot
A SUBSCRIBER.
PITTsBURG. October q, 1890
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

IT is altogether pleasant duty to call at
tention to the Slavonic ball which took place in
Allegheny last night. A celebration by Slays
which wound up with nothing more violent
than the national dapce-the cardas-is nov
city of the first class.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
The Chelsea,s Reception.

The Chelsea Club, composed OF many Of the
best.known people of the Sixth ward. held
their fourth reception at new Turner Hall last
evening The large audience was composed of
highly cultivated people and all enjoyed them
selveS ir,amensely.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29

The rulers of the French navy are pro-
viding the sailors with bicyclea The wheels
are not to be used at sea, but for reconoissances
on land. and mounted. though not horse. mar
ines are no longer mythical.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
Arrangements for an Orange Social.

The Ladies' Aid Society of the Asbury NJ. e.
Church. Fifth avenue, has arrangements
almost completed for an orange social, to take
place tomorrow evening. The social is in the
hands of energetic people. and is sure to be a
success. Numerous booths, attended by aids
attired in the conventional orange, will be
some of the attractions.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
Judge II. i. Johnston.

SPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DIsPATcHl
EBESsBURG, october 2s.-Judge K. L.Johnston,
who was elected President Judge of this county In
1874, died very suddenly this evening from stroke
Of apoplexy. When quite a young man he was
He afterward studied law and was admitted to the
bar. and has since practiced law in this county.
He was 70 years Of age At the time Of his death.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
A Legislative Candidates Statement.

0o5I5IrtHEC > JtdV5lItuts
To the Editor OF The Dispatch:
In the Pittsburg papers a series of inter-
rogatories were recently propounJed by the
Patrons of Husbandry. or Grangers, of Moon,
Findley. Robinson and North Fayette town
ships to the candidates for Congress and the
State Legislature. 1 wish to say that the ques-
tions put to the candidates for the State Leris-
lature are answered emphatically by me in the
Affirmative. WILLIAM c. MCFARLAND,
Sixth Legislative District
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
DR.. Emerson.

JoHNsTowN, October 2s.-Dr. Emerson, one OF
the Oldest physicians OF the county, died to-day,
his life being shortened on account OF injuries
ceiyed In the food
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
The Wagner-Murphy Wedding.

ATS o'clock last evening Miss Bessie Murphy,
q former teacher in the Lincoln School. was
welded to Mr. George Wagner, confidential
clerk for the Adams Express Company. East
Liberty. Only the families and intimate friends
of the bride and groom were present at the
ceremony, which took place at the Murphy
residence on Meadow street.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-10-29
GOING TO RUIN.

The Chicago Custom House Liable to Tum-
BILE Down Very Soon.
CHICAGO. October 2S.-To-day during the in.
vestigation it was discovered that the east wall
had surged westward in the center to the ex.
tent of 81 inches.
"If this wall keeps its course" said an
architect in Superintendent Bells office, ito
the extent OF few more inches it is bound to
tumble. 1t will never stand another bulge of
az inchesn