Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-12-22
Small comfort-a baby.


The man who prays loudest and long
est usually has something on his con-
science.
1 dreamed of you last night, Miss Ros-
alind. o, did you? And what dress did 1
have on?
1t is pretty difficult thing for the man
who hasn't anything to say to know just
how to say it,.
Attendant Gin railroad waiting ROOM
Say, mister, no going to sleep here. This
amt no church.
A cross-eyed man is a good arbitrator;
he can be depended upon to look at
thing from both sides.
1t was bloodthirsty country editor
who announced that "a number of deaths
are uDavoidably postponed
Congressman Wiley says congress is
no place for poor man, and still some
very poor men get into congress.
Now, can any one of the pupils tell me
what is meant by the nave OF the church?
The man who takes up the collection.
The man who tries to drown his sor-
rows in drink. should recollect that alco-
hol is just as liable to preserve as to
drown.
There is one objection to the new tariff
bill that 1 haven't seen mentioned. What
is that? 1t doesn't remove the tacks from
carpets.
The difference between a man who digs
in the ground and one who digs III books
is that the former digs for hire and the
latter for lore.
Watts-Do you believe everything your
wife tells you? Potts-Everything except
when she tells me I am an idiot, l can't
just go that, you know.
New Yorker-You don't see any grass
in our streets, anyway! She (from Phila-
delphia)-No. Must be the climate. The
soil is certainly rich enough.
Do you think that literature is on the
decline? asked one aspirant of another.
1 must say it appears so to me. Every
thing l write seems to get declined.
When men are as good as their obitua-
ries and women are as good as the men
think they are, the recording angel in
heaven can take his long needed vacation.
They are building a railroad in the Holy
land, and in the future when a man goes
down from Jerusalem to Jericho he will
fall among Pullman palace car porters.
Rastus, you are charged with stealing
Mr.. Browns lawn mower. Have you
lawyer? No, sab. I didn't realize huff on
de sale OBJ dat mower, jedge, to hiah
counsel.
The following written definition of the
bachelor was handed in by fifth-grade
school boy bachelor is man who has
no wife, nor wants no wife, nor can't get
no wife.
You ought to have a weather-vane on
your barn. Why so? So that you can
tell which way the wind blows. Oh, that
is Unnecessary. Silas wears straw hat
the hull year round.
Cora-It's too bad that the winters are
never severely cold like they used to be.
Dora-What is there to lament about
that? Oh, young men don't freeze to a
girl like they used to years ago.
A plumber fell from a ladder the other
day, a distance of % feet, but picked him
self up and went to work again as though
nothing had happened. There's some
thing very durable about a plumber.
Now, children, who was the strongest
man? asked the Sunday school superin-
tendent. John L. Samson, yelled little
fellow whose knowledge of sacred and
profane history was somewhat mixed.
Another suspicious circumstance is that
you are travelling under an assumed name,
said the judge. Well. your honor, amt
we all sovereigns in this country? And
amt it fashionable for sovereigns to trav-
ell incog?
Ethel am so anxious about my new
dressl l shall insist on having my dress
maker 1t me. 1t will then be sure to
look well. Maud-Yesi but wouldn't it
look better IL you insisted on having the
dress.maker make you fit 1t insteadY
Small Boy lin Texas carbohydrates
n, G. bitched onter them dates In Greek
history meant The Teacher (confused)-
Well, Sanmle, you see them old Greeks
we've oueer kind of creeters, so whin they
didn't know a date for sartln, they put
n. c., 'bout correct artrr the number