The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-08-01
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Some young men live so fast that
watches left to them by their parents
lose couple of hours day.
When girl elopes with her COACH
man, some other man is saved from
getting a mighty poor wife.-Bufralo
Express.
THE rich Count Won Altburg is to
be married" ITO an American girl?"
what foolish question? Didn't say
the rich count?"-Society.
The best cure for obesity is TO board
for the summer at farm house where
you will be treated like one of the
family.-Boston Gazette.
Spiritual Indigestion.-Dar
II wonder what can have made our
friend Anderson such pessimist?"
Runk-"He's had too much of the good
things Of life. Puck.
First Senator-''I have a scheme to
which l wish to give the widest pub
licity. What do you suggest as the best
method?" Second Senator-'Discuss it
in secret session, of course. Racket.
Probably the iceman has never
noticed the dainty little tin tongs that
are furnished with boxes of confection-
cry. They are neat, inexpensive, and
would be quite useful in his business
Washington Post.
-Ilelen(7 D. m.) - "Jack will get his
walking ticket when he calls tonight
I'll tell him l don't care any thing for
him." Helen @ p. n.y. - Oh dear! Isn't
he coming tonight? I hope he didn't
talya that 1ittlo nuarra1 ~ INaJnaodau
seriously. boston Herald.
There is a man." said De Kique, in
the hotel corridor, "who has done more
toward the publication of American poll
itics than anybody else l know Of"
"How?" Gle retired to private life."-
Washington Post.
Thompson - "You look pale and
thin, Johnson. Why will you persist in
killing yourself working night and day
such weather as this?" johnson IL
am trying to earn money enough to pay
the expenses of weeks rest in the
country Y. Weekly.
"A st. Petersburg doctor is stopped
late at night by policeman, who asks
why he is out so late. ITO attend Mr..
Popoff, who was taken suddenly ILL.,"
'Did he have a permit to be taken sud-
denly ill?" ''No." "Then you will
have to go to prison." Detroit Free
Press.
-Cholly 81 cawn't imagine what
you are going out in the country for,
Miss Dashing. You are such favorite
with the men I should think you would
like to be where we are" Miss Dashing
THAT'S the very reason I'm going to
the country-to see if l can't find real
man somewhere. "-Munsey's Weekly.
Fortune is as blind as any bat;
Your own affairs give proof of that
And sometimes needs adjusting.
"If things were right you sadly sing,
I'D be president, king,
millionaire or some such thing"
You're right-it is disgusting
N. Y. Press.
1.-THE vile. abominable literature
that is polluting the minds of our boys
and girls" wrote tho editor, lis pub
lie disgrace andy the way, Judkin-
son." said he, stopping short in his able
editorial and turning to the local editor,
''be sure you have the full particulars
of that divorce scandal in East Bicycles
ton; the Evening Whangdoodle mustn't
get the balge on us this time. Let me
see; where was l? o, yes-public dis
grace and should be suppressed by the
strong arm of the law. Many youth
owes his downfall to the-be sure you
interview both parties hutchinson, and
make it spicy you know. "-National
Publisher and Printer.