Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-11-17

The trouble with the mllKman Is InaI
he is not willing to let well enough alone.
Consistency is jewel. Author
Yes; but I'm too poor to have jewels.
There is nothing about a woman that
takes a mans eye as quick as her umbrel-
Ia.
He (before marriage)-I could die for
you. He CATER marriage)-Yon will be
the death of me.
She CATER lovers quarreD-You may
return my letters. He (editor)-Did you
enclose stamps?
"How did you come to know that you
were in love with me, dearie?" Il felt that
was an awful fool"
''It was a magnificent mine, but they
ruined it." "How?" The poor idiots
took all the gold out of it,.
ssI1l never take anything to that paper
again. The editor made fun of my jokes.
"He did? He must be genius"
"POrous plasters are good for a weak
back" THAT'S all right, but want a
plaster that will be good week hence
'.It's striking picture of my wife; but
isn't there little too much paint on the
cheeks?,' mo, sir. Just like your wife's.
One is beautiful but poor, the other is
cross-eyed but rich. I'll MARY the cross
eyed one to show that am self-sacriic-
ing.
where's the proprietor?" asked man
as he entered a downtown restaurant
Hes gone home to dinner, sir, replied
a waiter.
sWas Elizabeth an amiable queen?'
Eyes, think So" sin all the pictures
ever saw of her she appeared to be some
what ruftied.'
''There are no flies on me-" remarked
the antelope in his museum. There may
be few on me, +" replied the rhionoceros
s.but don't mind them
Mamma-Sit down, Willie. Do yol
hear me? Give minutes elapse.) evil
lie Jones, if you don't it up, you ma!
leave the tablet
1t isn't agreeable to hand one of you
Jokes to the foreman of the composing
room, and have him ask: How man!
times is this to go in?
cat what age were you married?" sh
asked inquisitively. But the other lady
was equal to the emergency, and quietl.
responded, sat the parsonage
''You ought to take more exercise
Play tennis" II can't play tennis. ''Tha
don't make any difference. You can ge
just as much exercise trying to play
Bellows-Do you suppose our ances
tors were such inveterate gossips as w
are? Fellows-Yes; if Darwin's theor
is correct, they were all tale bearers.
Old Lady-I'd like to buy some plasters
young fellow. Drug Clerk-Yes, ma am
porous? Old Lady-Do you s'pose l wan
to catch my death o. cold? Let's see We
winter styles.
Country Resident Ito peddler) -Ge
away out of here, now, or if you don't i
whistle ror my dog. Peddler-All RICH
sir, but first won't you let me sell you
good whistle?
Farmer-Get down out of that Whf
you dom up there? Youthful Plunderer-
Oh, only climbed up to get out of til
way of the apples that were fallin' dow
on my head.
Papa" said Mrs. Bunkum, there
Of
and-well, I'm afraid it's usefulness
over" "Oh, no, my dear; can use
for a pen-wiper."
''You should feel complimented at NJ
Starboarder's appetite, Miss Twoaweek
EITHER complimented of bankrupted
returned the lady, with stony glance
the hungry guest.
She-We have been discussing the COLI
of Miss Bentley's eyes, Mr.. Digby. Dor
you think they are like the Mediterranean
He-well, they do look rather watery.
must say.
/ think, said the editor, in a worrit
tone, that / will drop journalism and tai
to astronomy. Why? Well, astronome
always seem to have more space than tn
know what to do with.
De Kique remarks, aprosos of live
fares, that he can't see the justice
having to buy a mans horse and yehic
aud then give it back to him as soon
you have used it a little.
Dude-Remember that am weary p;
ticular about my trousers, you know
want them to lit neatly over the calf, dc
cherno? Tailor with malicious intent)
IL they don't fit the calf you needn't Ia
them.
Watchmaker-The first time clean
YOUR watch 1t was In gold case, the NJ
time it was In a gold-filled case, and n
It's In q silver case II. a. r. ID. lpp'
Yes, sir; circumstances alter cases, ,
kppWr