The Helena independent. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1890-08-27
HUMORS OF THE WAR.
Comical Things Done and Said by Grim
Soldiers at tho Front

Comical Things Done and Said by Grim
Soldiers at tho Front.
On the march Of the GoldsborO expedl.
ton in December, 1862, when the forces
under Gen. John II. Foster cut the Will
mington & Delaware railroad, burning the
bridge over the Upper Neuse river, some
curious and characteristic incidents oc-
CURED, as they did on all marches. A
straggler from his regiment is supposed to
be man who falls behind it in the march;
but there were many who slipped out OF
the line and forged ahead to forage. These
were at times called bummers. Among the
latter was tall. raw-boned Pennsylvania.
He had secured turkey, and was
seated in the angle of the fence,
leisurely stripping off the feathers, when
Maj. Jones frankie, of the Massachu-
sets 18th regiment, who was was provost
marshal of the line, spied him out, ana
refining up his horse near him. called out:
"What are you doing dere, hey?" The
soldier looked up, surveyed his questioner
for moment, and replied; "Why, any J
turkey-hay!'' what for you do not keep
up with your regiment?" asked the irate Of
fcer, who was of Prussian birth and I, q
strict disciplinarian. what for? Don't
YOU know, old boy? Well, I'll tell you.
What for my regiment don't keep. up with
me? That's what's, the matter" What Rnea t
Pennsylvania, begosh." "Where is your
regimentY' about 20 miles back. But
don't be uneasy, old man: Befo it comes
up I'll have this bird all fixed up for the
kurnel-don't you seer" The major
couldn't see. Then the soldier. asked d;
where's your regiment!" "My regiments,a
in the face with indignation. II am re
provost marshal of this expedition. and
order YOU to move on and join your regi-
ment;' "All right, Mr.. Of1icer-when get
through and the regiment comes up II! DO
it. By-byr' All tho time he was talking
from the turkey with the regularity OF
movement of an oarsman out of practice,
but when he d dismissed the dumbfounded
officer with his "by-by' he raised his hand
and saluted him. It was too much for the
officer. He could not do Justice to the occa:
sion or the audacity Of the stranger, and
so, putting spurs to his horse, he turned
and rode away. Inc soldier smut one eye
and looked after him.
In this connection the following anecdot<
of what may be called soldiers bright idet
may be appropriate: One day, soon aftel
Pope's defeat at second Bull Run and Chan
tiliy, private soldier belonging to an Ohis
tain, and announced that he had plan TO
military campaign, which must certainly
result in crushing out the rebellion. Thu
officer very naturally inquired for particu-
lars, but the soldier refused to reveal them
and asked for chance to lay his plans be-
fore Pope himself. After some delay ne wa
given pass to headquarters. He did no
get to see Pope, but after the chief of stat
had coaxed and promised and threatened TO
a quarter of an hour, the Buckeye stood VI
and replied:
"Well, sir, my plan is for John Pope ant
Bob Lee to swap commands, and, II VI
don't lick the south inside of sixty days
you may. shoot me for patent hayforl
swindler."
When he returned to the camp he wa
naturally asked what success he met with
He ruefully replied:
Nell MEL, they i had =, plan of their own"
"Why, they took me out and booted M
for about mile and half"
Gen. Nelson was of an imperious name
and choleric, but he appears to have me
his match on at least one occasion near tn
field of Shiloh. He was given to superin
tending personally the crossing of rivers
and on one occasion he made eight mel
jump into the water and drag out a hal
kind he came upon wagon train stuck II
the mud. Maj. Igo, quartermaster of tn
35th Indiana regiment, was working as har'
as man could work to get the wagons out
and had his men in position for lift whel
Nelson rode up. Pushing his way close u
to the major. Nelson roared out:
"Blank you, sir, what's the matter wit
that wagon?"
Raising his hot face the major roare
back: you get out of this, blank you: Tn
wagons stuck in the mud. Any blank foe
can see that"
sDo you know who am, sir? Do 20
know who am, STRIP shouted Nelson in
fury.
Certainly do,'' responded the majol
"You are the quartermaster of that OH
regiment in front, and you can't boss m
can do that"
After receiving this reply, Nelson indulge
in a hearty chuckle and rode away.