Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-01-02
MARK TWAIN'S REMAINS.
An Old Printer Tells a New Story of the
Humorist.

j. Ell. Stebbins, an old printer, gives
the New York World this unpublished
"Reminiscences of Mark Twain:
cit was when he was known only as
Sam Clemens. He was local reporter
on the Virginia City Enterprise, and I
was printer on the same paper.
Clemens was writing humorous
sketches, but his fame as a humorist
was young yet. He was an inyeterate
smoker, and smoked the foulest-smell-
ing pipe in Virginia City, by all odds.
Clemens's Office was just off the COM
posing-room and. although printers as
q rule, are not squeamish about pipes
and things, this pipe was breeding
8 revolution. 1t smelled so Internally
bad that we always spoke of it as The
Remains There were numerous plots
suggested to put The Remains out of
the way, but we hesitated about put
ting them into execution when we
learned that it was a pipe of consider
able value, and one that he cherished
on account of its associations or some
thing. 1t was clear, however, that
something had to be done, and we
finally concluded to present Clemens
with a new pipe. We had suffered so
much from the old pipe of a thousand
smells that we felt justified in making
him the victim of a joke, if we could,
and SO we secured the town and bought
the cheapest pipe we could find that
would pass after night for a good one.
I think it cost us 80 cents. One night,
after we had the paper up, we all filed
solemnly out into the local room and
presented Clemen S with the pipe. We
threw as much ceremony into the pre-
sentation as possible. One of the boys
made an address that was really affect
ing. He talked about the toilers in the
profession of journalism, their long
nights of labor when all the rest of the
world was wrapped in peaceful SUM
Der. Then he worked in some of the
poetry about tobacco and solace it
afforded the tired brain. He spoke of
the warm friendship that existed be-
tween the local department and the
composing-room and hoped that moth
ing would ever occur to sever these
silken ties. Then he handed him the
25-cent fraud, wiped his fingers through
his eyes and sat down
Clemens was knocked completely
out of time, but he pulled himself to-
gether, and returned his thanks in a
very feeling manner He said the
pretty gift from his co-workers on the
paper touched him deeply, and he
would retain it long as a souvenir of
pleasant days. The old pipe had long
been a friend and a comforter in lonely
hours; but this handsome gift from
friends he loved made the parting easy,
and, as a climax to his remarks, he
threw the ill-smelling old-timer out of
the window. We accepted his invita-
ton to go downstairs with him, and
knowing the miserable swindle we had
psrpetrated, every dollar he spent gave
US a pang.
THE very next night, while Clemens
was smoking his new pipe, the bowl of
the cussed thing split from stem to
stern. We heard him growing to HIM
self, and looking out of a hole in the
wall through which he showed copy, we
saw him brushing the ashes off his desk
and clothes, and swearing softly in a
very picturesque manner, He didn't
say a word to us about the pipe OF its
fate, and you bet we said nothing to
him. 1t was evident, however hat he
had done some thinking, for he ap-
peared at the Office next night COM
placently smoking The Remains He
had gone down into the backyard and
hunted it up"