St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1890-11-30
GLOBE TR0TTERS.


while ago." said Mr.. Coughdrop; ibid he let
you i'll on the ground fioor?"
did hey" replied Mr.. Drawblank; "well, l
should say he did. And had not been i'll
long while before found myself down eel
lar"
How was thatY'
"In hole"
"Have you," said gentleman stepping In
to Wabasha street drug store, ''any postage
stamps!"
"N-n-no, sir; we are just out of Postage's
but we have some OF our own preparation
which is just as good-er-oh stamps? All
yes. Here you are. You probably wish to
look at the city directory, too before you go
out. That's it chained up there on the
sponge case"
II think you charged me too much for that
last lot of qulnine / bought of you." said
young Harold Skimpole to the druggist.
why SOY" inquired the latter. do you
think you could have purchased it cheaper
elsewhere?
Il certainly ought to, for you know your
self that quinine just now is a drug in the
market
''Have you voted yet?' inquired an Eighth
day.
No, sir, have not and do not intend to-"
Indeed! l can't see why you should neg
lect your duty as an American citizen; the
elective franchise is a great privilege, don't
you known
III tell you why. Last year went I'D and
voted straight ticket, and u man right be-
side me put in a vote for which l saw him
with my own eyes receive So. He got paid
for voting, while was expected to do it for
nothing. There isn't anything fair about
that kind of elective franchise, is there? No,
sir, when the time comes that they will pay
everybody for voting or nobody, then I'll
commence voting again, and not till then"
s%
81 am greatly disappointed with the condi-
ton of things as 1 find them out West said
the man in a sealskin overcoat, addressing
stage coach companion. 81 am sorry to find
so much imitation of Eastern culture East
ern refinement Eastern dress aid Eastern
modern improvements. l expected to find
some of that wild, Western flavor of which
have read so much, some
just then the stage came to q sudden halt,
and the round, cold nose of a big navy re-
yolver was thrust under another nose belong
ing TO the Eastern tourist, and q bass voice
ordered every one to come out on the per
rayree." All the passengers complied with
the request, and after they had been relieved
of all their valuables, including the sealskin
oVercoat, the coach was ordered on its way.
well, said the man who hau been enter
tanned by the Eastern tourists free criticism
Of matters in general, "how's that for wild,
western flavor? Can you, at such a short
notice, get up anything with wider flavor
down on the Atlantic seaboard? Guess not
When we get into town I'll show you hotel
where, on my recommendation, they'll keep
you until you can receive remlttances from
The East
'Are you the superintendent of the census
i mean the lecture bureau?''
The speaker was a small-sized youth of I'M
certain age yet possessed of quite certain
and we'll defined freckles. worn couchant on
flat. blonde face, the features of which be-
trayed signs or incipient thought. Heap
peared trayel-stained and dusty; one of his
shoes was united. and his collar and necktie
showed symptoms of disorderly conduct
Il am the acting manager was the reply
Thanks. Are you still hiring lecturers?''
1--WE are making some contracts and book
ing dates for this winter
''Oh, am SO glad to know 1 am in time
What are you paying now?''
For lecturersg'
4Co, ny lle Udy, week or mOntn.
what is your line?''
II don't catch you''
II say. what is your speciality"
"Oh, me? I'm versatilst''
FLOWS that:n
I'm an all-round speaker. scientific liter
airy, ethical, non-ethieal humorous anti
humorous, socialistic, veterinary, historical,
medical, Delsartean, monologuistic, mes
meric, hypnotic and polygamous l am now
carrying some big drives in scientific topics.
One of them, "A Cataclysm of Cataleptic
Cats, has evoked encomiums. 1 evoke encom-
iums from the press, the pulpit and the BAR
Would you like to glance over a few of my
press encomiums:"
''Um-no-I guess that is hardly necessary
You have other live topics, you say?''
'Oh, yes indeed, sir My humorous lect-
ure on Yellow Jack in the South evoked
encomiums in large number of towns and
held brilliant audiences spellbound, east
bound and hide-bound I have also, scien-
tific lecture on The Pure Pulp of Pugilis,n;
which invariably evokes enthusiastic encom-
iums.''
What have you in purely literary vein?'
well, think The Scrofula of Tolstoism
and its Vermifuge' one of my best. How
ever, perhaps less cultured audience would
prefer The Patter Of the Brain Upon the
some education upon the vicious Commu-
mites in which 1 cannot evoke encomiums
with these efforts indicate low moral barom-
eter. great depression in real estate and stag
nation of probity.''
You spoke of something veterinary in
your list.
Yes, have How to Pick Winner and
"A Horse On Me- both excellent in their way
and both high grade encomium evokers''
Excuse me, but er-do you carry anything
slightly er-built in kind of erotic STYLE?
You know the spirit of the age-what
mean:''
Il have nothing of my own composition
rank enough to please the popular taste
promised dying mother who was blown I'D
by a gasoline stove, just before she com
menced filling the feeder with oil, that I
would never write one line that wonId wish
to blot. So, whenever fnd there is a de-
mand for that kind of stuff in town. recite
a selection.
what is it:''
''LoDgfellow's Building of the Ship It's
a kind of ''Ostler joe piece, and the encomi-
ums it evokes just fairly hum along the
front row of bald heads. 1t carries the testi-
mony of Brooklyn, N. Y. savants, as the
greatest erotic piece extant and Is excluded
from the school books''
You may call in tomorrow at iOa m.
and will draw up the contract and route
Jor YOU
Thanks
AT A DOLL SHOW.