The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1890-08-09
SOME STRANGE RPITAPHS.
Inscriptions to the Characterization of
Departed Friends
From the Pittsb1srg Dispatch.

Departed Friends.
From the Pittsb1srg Dispatch.
Literature has numerous departments,
each distinguished by its peculiar phases or
type. Thought naturally dresses itself with
appropriateness for the occasion which re-
quires its use. The rhetorical pomposity
of a Fourth of July Grafton would not be
regarded wholly suitable for tho solemn
message of consolation addressed to mourn
ing friends on funeral occasion nor would
the concise and barren language of
telegraptic message be strictly in harmony
with the spread-eagle efforts of gushing
sophomore. The eternal fitness of things
manifests itself in all the diversified pro-
auctions of the human intellect, and yet
there seems to Turk in the mind the latent
conviction that epitaphs frequently contain
vast deal of truth, notwithstanding
Byron's ugly sheer:
Believe woman, or an epitaph.
Funeral oratiops and epitaphs are, as a
rule, striking examples of the proneness of
humanity to be guided by the oft-repeated
fallacy, Nothing concerning the dead but
good" How much better it would be to
have the maxim enlarged and poacticed,
too. Nothing concerning either the living
or the dead but ruth" We should not
then be compelled to admit the justice of
Oudh0speu SLaLeIueIlb ludC-
The evil that men do lives after them;
In the good is oft inferred with their bones.
Funeral ceremonies would be less fire.
quently the occasions for purchased and
fulsome eulogles on the dead, and those in
charge would initiate the example of the
Roman orator: Il come to bury Caesar,
not to praise him."
To such an extent has the practice of
laudation been carried in the matter of
tombstone Inscriptions that it has been
justly dubbed epitaphy (epi taffy) The
exceptions have been generally the efforts
of wags and just critics, and may be taken
as wholesome protest against the nefarious
practice.
Addison was a prince among literary
men, and yet his domestic life was far from
being perfect, if any credence can be placed
in the sentiment said to have been placed
upon his wife's tomb:
Here lies my wife,
Here let her lie;
She's now at rest
And so am L
ROUGH ON ABRAHAM.
There is probably less Of complacency in
it than is found in the inscription upon the
tomb of fair dafnsel whose friends, while
approaching the blessings Of rest on the
one hand, were humorously mindful of some
Inconvenience on the other Here is the
inscription:
Here lies our Mary Ann at rest
Pilowed now on Abraham's breast;
It's very nice for Mary Ann,
But rather rough on Abraham.
Upon tombstone in an old Scotch GENE
terry is found an inscription which reveals
an unusual degree of post-mortem felicity
and restfulness, as well as a consummate
skill in the use of appropriate words:
Here at length repose,
And my spirit at aise is,
With the tips of my toes and the end of my
Turned up to the roots of the daisies.
In the Western Reserve OF Ohio is tomb
stone which expressed filial regard in
metrical style thus;
Here lies our father beneath this sod;
His spirit has gone up to his God.
We never more shall hear his tread.
Nor see the wen upon his head.
Every intelligent person has read with
growing delight that masterpiece of En-
glish composition. "Gray's Elegy in q
Country Church Yard" and has had his
attention called to the poets graceful
tribute to the humble one whose lot was
cast amid lowly surroundings:
Here rests his head upon a.lap of earth,
A youth TO fortune and to fame unknown;
Fair science frowned not at his humble birth,
But melancholy marked him for her own.
The services of the wag or professional
rhymesters are frequently brought into
play in saying what Others only dare to
think. The truth Of this is illustra ted in the
subjoined stanza:
He leth here
Who lied before;
But since he lieth here,
He lies no more.
Closely related to the foregoing, by the
ties Of consanguinlty, was the lawyer in
Western Pennsylvania, concerning whom
some evil genius wrote the epitaph:
Here lies poor Sam, and what is strange
Grim death in him has wrought no change;
he always lied, and he always will,
He once lied loud but now he lies still.
Some poor soldier in the campaign
against Corinth in 1862 was remembered by
a comrade In this quaint couplet:
Here lies jim Crow
For all l know.
1ntemperance teaches it's victims some
important lessons which are very often
learned after it is too late. 1t is Just as true
In the mental and moral world as it is in
the physical world that "W hatsoever a man
soweth, that shall he also reap"
This accounts for the sentiment which
marked the final resting place Of the
inebrate:
Beneath these stones
Rest the bones OF Theodosius Grim:
He took his beer from year
Until his bier took MIN.
1t is refreshing TO witness some variations
In the makeup of epitaphs. In the follow
ing VIII be exhibited a strange combination
OK the spirit OF mammon and parental
affection:
Here lies our darling little babe;
She neither cries nor hollers:
ohe lived but one and twenty days
And cost us forto dollars.
When the gold fever broke ont in ls49
the rush to California was very great. One
OF the adventures from an eastern state
realized iully the truth Of the declaration,
1t Is not good for man 70 be alone" In
consequence OF bis faith he married, Ia