The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1890-03-27
SIMPSONS BILL ARP.
The Tricky POlitician--The Office
After the Man--The AbdOmi-
nal CONSERVATION of Raw
POtatOe--The Twin Broth
crs, Tax Collector and
Merchant.

-hCIChdhts
Especial Correspondence 10 The CAUCAsIAN.l
| understand Plow, you are after
office, and you are getting to be
mighty circumspect about what go
say about your neighbors. You are
going around to all the big meet
ings making Sunday school speeches,
kissed so many babies until you
have blistered your lips, rode them
on your knee until you have worn
all the ftlze off of your britches,
praised all the girls until your
tongue has got as slick as an Ox's
that has been worked with Il bride
bit. And you got to be as tricky
as "a bdrbed wire fence, or farmer
Smith wheel barrow at the back
door. Just step out of dark night,
touch the handles of that wheel
barrow, and she will rare up strike
you three or fOu, times before you
can get away from it, knock you in
the wash pot hang you on the clothes
line, pinned on with exclamation
points to wait the morning breezes
to dry and cool Off. Look out Plow,
somebody is going to steal you be-
fore day and you wont be able to
tell what has become Of yourself,
you wont talk to mans wife unless
he is present and then you speak
about what fine looking man he
was when he was first married. You
want to revive first love when he
was kind to his wife, and she
thought he was piece of perfection,
and he was certain an angel had
taken up her abode with him and
come to stay. But you don't say
nary word about them cold morn
ing when the fire had to be butt,
and she punched him in the short
ribs as gentle reminder and he got
mad, turned over and pretended
like he was asleep. She gets up and
builds the fire, and when the room
gets warm he crawls out eats his
breakfast gets off and don't give her
even smile or kiss. She thinks
about it all day, 81 wonder if he
loves me now" Yes Pillow, YOU are
learning you want to make people
pleased with themselves and then
you think they will like you. Well
the first Alligator Is IA b Of potash
the second Alligator is box eli
potash. And all the other AlligatOrs
are boxes of potash, what you make
soap with. l am not after no office.
every office in the country is after
me and surely the millennium is
coming when the office seeks the
man.
The custom house office is after
me in the form Of tariff. The In
ternal revenue office is after me
with direct tax, and every time | !
take chew Of tobacco to make me
ENJOY my miseries, or a drink of
mean cor. whiskey when 1 am
week and feeble to goad me to stir
the soil to make the bread to FEED
my pratting babe, | pay tribute to
this eternal god-Tax. Yes I under
stand the sheritf's office is after me,
l am due that Office oixteen cents
worth Of taxes and l have been
studying mighty hard how I am
going to pay it. You see there Is
twice brothers in my township. One
OF them is merchant, the other
the constable, when ever [ see one
of them, cant tell who he is,
whether he is himself or his brother.
| owe one store account and the
other the taxes. Whenever l meet
one of them he himself or his
brother, says how about that little.n
L think taxes, SO [ shell out what
little have, and he pays me Off
with his personal receipt on store
account and nary word said about |
taxes. And when meet his brother
he hauls the Textbook on me. / get
scared and want to run away to
Kansas. But l know the taxes are
due and they will stop me. fl
can get them taxes paid l am an
independent community. But (
can't do it. They are due with a
Vengeance every year. Its like Bill
Smith says, you cant do it no more |
than catch but headed bull by thy
horns. Well the boys took a later
hill the other day, they had not
kept mighty good, its been so warm
here lately. They had softer set in
dry rot. l was helping to bed
them and see it was done right. I
But the next time they go to take
up taters l am going to leave home
for a week, and wait till the storm
is over. 1 would come to a nice
yam SO l thought how sweet it was,
must bite it. And noticed Jim
and John and Joe would blight 'em
to. Not thinking for one minute
what the result was going to be that
night. Way long about midnight,
l had very urgent need for the
camphor, humph oh! me. ga pain
had struck me across my Eesery,n
Oh! me, drank about two table
spoonful of camphor, no ease in
that; 1 waded myself up in ball
and hung over the foot beard of the
bed, no ease in that; l lay before
the fire, no rest there; Idrank about
quart of ginger and pepper tea,
no rest in that. Then | heard one
of the boys in the back room whine
out "Oh! Ma. got the BELLE ache"
no rest in that. By that time /
had baeonp reooneilad IN INV no;n,