Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1890-10-09
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Wrath Turned Away-An Intellect
GUS Quotation-What was the Mat
ter, etc., etc., etc.


GUS Quotation-What was the Mat
ter, etc., ETC., etc.
WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
He-Do you think there is anything
effeminate about me? Miss Willets told
me last evening that my mannerisms put
her in mind of herself.
She-Miss Willets is fool.-[Epoch.
THE COFFEE SUPPLY.
Customer-Give me a pound of Java
coffee.
New Boy diving with scoop into a
coffee bin)-Yessir.
Customer-Wait, I've changed my
mind. I'll take Mocha instead.
New Boy diving into the same bin)-
Yessir.
Customer-Sec here, you started to
get the Java out of that bin.
New Boy-Yessir. No difference in
tn coffee, sir, only difference is in th'
price Good News.
SHUT THAT DooR!!
The time is fast approaching when the
visitor to the sanctum will step in smil-
ing and confident, and just as he is about
to say:
'I1ere is a little thing have just
dashed off," he will be paralyzed by a
voice exclaiming in tones of thunder:
"Go back and shut the door p-[ Bos-
ton Courier.
WRATH TURNED AWAY.
Merchant (angrily, as clerk enters three
hours late)-Where in the name
Clerk offers him twenty-five cent
cigar.
Merchant Continuing of sense do
you buy such good cigars?-[Epoch.
WOULD STAY BALD.
Agent-You are bald, I see; now here
is a preparation that will force out a
luxuri-
Jimpson (glancing toward his wife)-
l don't want it, sir, have more hair now
than want.
RECIPROCITY EXPLAINED.
Maud-What do they mean by recip-
rocity?
Claude--Now, if 1 were to kiss you and
you should kiss me in return, that would
be reciprocity.
Maud-Why, it's nice, isn't it2 l
thought it was something bad.
AVOIDING MISUNDERSTANDING.
McCorkle-Did I tell you about fish
swallowing a snake that | saw while
away on my vacation?
McCrackle-No, but before you begin
want to ask you one question.
"All right"
Is this snake story or fish storya'
- Brooklyn Life.
SHOULD BE ABLE TO MANAGE 1T.
She-He seems a very methodica'
man. suppose he understands his bust
ness thoroughly.
He-Yes.
She-By the way, what is his business
He-He has .-[Epoch.
HATEFUL PEOPLE.
First Pedestrian There's q man l hat
worse than the plague.
Second Pedestrian-Why2
First Pedestrian-He always pro
nounces my name wrong Street 4
Smiths Good News.
A RESPONSIVE CHORD.
The Chicago Post has struck chor,
to which all men, without regard to race
color or previous condition of servitude
will quickly respond. 1t runs thus:
But of life's sweet surprises there is on
that outdoes all the rest,
And that's to find quarter in the pocke
of a last years vest.
DESERVED A LIFE SENTENCE.
"Prisoner, stand. How many time
have you been convicted of crime2"
"About 'leven times, Jedge."
"IIave you no fear of the law?" stern
ly demanded the Judge.
''No, y'r Honor" answered the pris
oner, in broken voice. 'Tve got tht
courage of my convictions, / reckon. y
[Chicago Tribune.
A CONTRAST.
He Cbefore marriage),-- could die fo
you.
He (after marriage You will be tn,
death of me.
SIZE WAS A SUMMER GIRL.
Jack-Why are you so cold and in
different to me, Amy? and only few
weeks ago you told me that was the
sunshine of your life!
Amy-But remember, Jack, that this
is the season when the sunshine loses its
power. - Munsey.
A MISREPRESENTATION.
Hisnibs-What did that auburn haired
girl snub you for just now2
Hisjags-I can't imagine. I waited
for her at the cloak room door, and
when she appeared l offered her my arm
and said, "Ready2" and she went off a
though I'd insulted her.
NEWLY RELATED.
Miss Bleeks-Who was that man VIII
bowed as he passed by9
Miss Klceks-It was my brother.
Miss Bleeks Why, didn't know yo,
| had q brother
Miss Kleeks-He only proposed to M
last week. Minneapolis Journal.
HISTORY FAILED TO RECORD THIS.
"Good Morning, Mr.. President" sal
Thomas Jefferson to George Washing
ton one day in the summer of 17S9
"Good morning, Mr. Jefferson" re
| piled the Father of his Country. eft is