The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1890-07-08
MR.. AND MRS. BoWsER.
BY MRS. BOWSER.

n he intended to do with it.
Its for screen doors for the front
doors" he replied.
Carpenter coming up to make them?'
Haven't engaged any"
Mr. BowSer, you are not going to try
and make them yourself 2"
"There won't be any trying about it.
l shall proceed to make and hang them"
"Pm afraid you can't do it. It's a nice
piece Of joiner work to make a screen
door, especially one for the front of the
house"
II am we'll aware of that" he said, as
he stroked his chin in a complacent way.
" Haven't [ got about $50 worth OF tools!
Don't I know how to handle them?"
IL wish you had given your order
at the shop, as other folks do"
"TI be hanged if 1 pay any S. for a
pair of doors when l can make EN- Tor
So! You are always dead set against
anything I unde take!"
"Mr. Bowser, you can't make a screen
door. You can't hang one. Don't blame
me when the failure comes"
"Blame you! Are you getting crazy?
If those doors are not a success you
won't hear a word of fault from me-n t
a peep. l was thinking of ordering them,
but being you have stuck your nose up so
high, I'll make 'em now just to show you
that I can do it,"
And next morning he put on an old
suit and went out to the barn and before
9 o'clock he had measured four different
times for those doors. At last he got e
dimensions to suit, and I heard him saw
ing off the strips. About II o'clock I
went out ard found the stuff all cut to
lengths, and Mr.. Bowser was making
half-mortises at the ends.
"Aren't our front doors higher than
this l asked, as l picked up n Of the
side pieces.
"Haven't you any homework to see
to ?" he brusquely replied.
"You've got EN- afoot too short
ooh, l have, Ell? Some folks eyes
are better than a carpenter rule!"
1 went back into the house, but it
wasn't long before I saw him sneaking
around to the front with one Of the pieces.
l watched him as he tried it, and it was
all Of twelve inches short. Mr.. Bowser
scratched, his ear grOwled like a bear,
and looked as foolish as a boy caught in
a harvest apple tree. Ten minutes later
he was at the telephone ordering more
stuff.
Were they too short ?" 1 asked, as he
hug up the trumpet.
"N-0o, but I thought I'd get heavier
stuff he mumbled, as he shot outdoors.
The stuff came up after dinner, and it
was about 5 o'clock in the afternoon
when he put one Of the frames together
and stood it up in the door. I went out,
and as he began to smile with satisfaction
I said:
"Mr. Bowser, that door is squeegawed?"
"Squeegawed? Sq1eegawed? What
does that stand for in the back counties? ?"
Your door is wider at the bottom
than at the top"
al can't BEL
"But your own eyes will convince
you. There's an inch difference! ~
Never! I'll bet you a million dollars
there isn't a hairs breadth !"
I ran for my tape-line and soon proved
that the difference was over an inch.
ooh, well, I can fix that in a moment"
he said, but it was 9 o'clock that evening
before it came in. Then he ha pounded
one of his fingers with the hammer, run
a tack into his thumb, got a bad hurtfrom
a brad-awl, and half a dozen times during
the night he groaned out in his sleep
about mortises, lemons, hinges, springs,
ETC., and once l heard him exclaim:
Eft! Why, if they don't fit I'll knock
the internal old house DOWN.
1t was 10 o'clock next forenoon when
I went out to the barn. He had the door
covered with the wjre-cloth, and proudly
called my attention to it.
(Which is the outside Of the door p l
asked.
"Why, the side this way, Of course"
"Then you've tackled the cloth on the
insider'
That's where it belongs"
"You never saw it there, Mr.. Bowser
never! And look at the way you have
tackled the stuff on. It's bumped up in a
dozen different places, because you pulled
it askew."
"There isn't one hump-not the sign
of a hump! I'll give any man a billion
dollars to make a better job of it! All
that door needs now is painting"
but don't they paint the frames be-
fore they tack the cloth on? How are
going to paint the inside of the frame p
Don't you worry yourself about this
job, Mrs. Bowser. [ wasn't born along
side of a huckleberry marsh!"
But after I had gone away he tore off
the wire and painted the frame, and next
morning he covered the other. That
night Mr.. Bowser kicked around in his
sleep in the most awful manner, and at
about 2 o'clock in the morning he sud-
denly sat up in bed and exclaimed:
"Squeegawed! I'll bet you four hun
dred thousand billion dollars against a
cent that they are as plump as a rule"
Mr.. Bowser had been at work an hour
next morning before [ went out. He had
the doors at the front, and he seemed to
have some trouble about hanging them.
"You see what you've done, don't
you?" I asked, after a survey of the
scene.
81 dou't believe I'm either near sighted
or color blind" he replied.
."Well, you've got one door wrong
side up, to begin with"
HH-hOu 9J