Telegram-herald., 1890-07-28
WANTED TO MANAGE one
A Enter2ralsag sEeectatar with Rxs
yalusy Ses.ed Sor safcfs~

TlseEo Wa pSs-lYes l2r away look Ia
his watery ere IS he sat oa the rile Il
huraber and l0okea toward the lower
bay. When nan came down ne pier
ani stood there gazing into tle water
TIE moaraful stranger slowly got I'D
ana wearily dragged himself over 10 the
plaoe where the man wzs. He looked AZ
the man = long time, while the other
kept his eyes moodily turned away.
stranger, he sad az last with a long
draw, ''y0a are going 10 commit sui
eide"
The other looked at him in contempt
uous silence.
y can see il in your face, my friend
You are going 10 commit suicide"
He waited for an answer. bat none
came
"Yes," he went ON, not in the least
discouraged, Il see II very plainly
The would-be suicide impaiiently
turned his back.
..Oh, don't think that want 70 dis
courage you. / have often thought Of
doing the same thing myself. and l
honor you for your resolve. No doubt
shall some day follow your admirable
example"
you know too much" said the other
erufily. speaking for the first time.
Mind your own business and III mind
mine"
NO. my friend, that isn't the way TO
look az il. am Your friend. Now I'll
tel YOU what want 10 do. / am by
| nature and training a manager. / want
10 see if can't conduct first class sui
eide. / don't mind telling you, since
YOU are soon TO leave tins wogld-oh.
don't shake your head. You need not he
afraid 10 be honest with me. don't
mind telling you, gay. that l have not
been a very successful manager. | had
poor luck with three walking matches,
and sneering people have said that ny
athletic games, picnics and other schemes
were almost failures But you see a spi-
eide is such very simple affair. r
81 wish you would stop your idiotic
talk" interposed the man addressed.
Simplest thing IL the world, tell
you
Simpler was the answer with a
groan.
"Of course it doesn't seem easy to you,
for you aren't an experienced manager.
But to me it is the simplest matter in
the world. understand how to do these
things, you know. You'll have no trou-
bic or care at all. viii attend to all
the ARRANGEMENTS and look after every
thing. All that you will have TO do will
be to commit suicide, and that will be
mere child's play. Twill take care of
the rest"
o. "Will you" sarcastically.
! II would advise you to put on a new
collar and tie. You needn't black your
boots, for the water will ruin the shine
anyway"
His listener shivered.
81 take q card" the manager of sui
cides continued complacently, "and
write on it where you were born, your
age and where you would like to have
your body sent" (another shiver). Then
/ add some pretty sentiment like Life
is of a mingled web etc l sign your
name-by the way, what is your name:
/ can fix the card while we are talking
over the plan"
1.-The deuce you cant"
"This affair, l guarantee, will be sat
isfactory in every way. If it isn't-but
of course you will be dead and / could
not give You satisfaction. However,
/ promise you on my word as a
gentleman that it will be satisfacto-
ry." He did not notice the look of hor-
ror that was called forth by his cold
blooded proposal.
"When everything is ready, with no
trouble to you, rs said before
HIM.
'No trouble to you. 1 take it all.
When we have arranged everything we
come down to the pier again. You take
off your hat and bow to the city in
mock respect"
'No, / won't"
"Well, we can dispense with the bow.
That's only minor detail. Having
placed you in position near the edge Of
the pier ask you if you are ready, and
you say that you are"
''Do I:' defiantly,
Certainly. We must have this sui
eide properly conducted. 1 am as par
ticular in small affairs as in large ones
Then / say, One-two-threer and yor
Jump After 1 make sure that we hav,
been successful go to the police station
and report your case. If you prefer
will also look after the body. Is tina
satisfactory
See here, you cold blooded animal,
said the other fercely, wheeling and
looking him in the eye, 81 did come
down here to drown myself"
"Of course" answered the manager
calmly Il knew that"
"But I'll be hanged before / drown
myself now" the other went on savage
~, not needing the interruption. ID
you think am going to allow myself t.
be chucked out Of the world with a stol
watch held over me? Do YOU thinl
starting for the other world is like be
ginning female bicycle race? When
commit suicide now it VIII be becsus
all the fools like you have left the world
I have n great mind 10 throw you int
the river Yourself, you frozen veined
packed in ice, CONCEALED floor Of re
frigerator"
What gasped the manager. ID
vou moan TO say that you amt going 4
commit suicide after all2 And offer {.
take al the trouble. You amt going q
drown YOURSELF be walled pafhcticallv
''No. I amt, nor hang myself, no
shoot myself. nor out my throat, yol
chopped of block Of an iceberg.
And the manager turned souowfullv
and walking back 70 his lumber pile ss