Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-09-25

al heard some one say that Wall street
was crooked"
"Well, is it"
"Why, no; it runs in straight line
from Broadway to the rivor."-[Mun-
sey's Weekly.
MAKING HIMSELF SOLID.
Miss-I used to plaJ chess when l was
a little girl, but I've forgotten all about
the game now.
He (galIantly)-What! Forgotten so
soonG
MISSING DATA.
Though history much that's ancient
brings,
1t nowhere gives the date of birth
Of two most widely mentioned things
Old Father Time and Mother Earth.
i Chicago Herald.
A GRACEFUL COMPLIMENT.
Miss Robinson-How do you think
this dress suits me 2
Miss Tangle-First rate. You look
charming in it. Why, l hardly knew
you.-[West shore.
MISUNDERSTOOD.
She Gas he places his arm around her
waist)-Stop right where you are, sir!
He (taking firmer hold)-Willingly,
my dear.-[Epoch.
AND THE MEN.
She Indignantly don't think you
give the girls credit for thinking of any
thing else but dress.
He (suavely)-Oh, you wrong me! I
do give you credit for thinking of more
than dress.
She-Of what else9
He-Bonnets.-[Epoc
POINT WHERE ALL AGREE.
A man may be protectionist,
And although he may earnestly insist
He'd tax every article on the list
And brag and blow and harp, it
Is safe to say as he walks at night
With baby that's bowling with all its
might
And steps on point that is keen and
bright,
He's opposed to the tacks en- the car
pet. -[Chicago Post.
HIS TRUTHFULNEss DIsCREDITED.
Lawyer-Well, sir, we won the case,
but it was a pretty narrow victory.
Client-Yes, thought the other side
had us until you showed that their prin-
cipal witness was a fisherman Munsey's
Weekly.
STILL IN THE RING.
$50 you were soldier9 Did you go
clear through the rebellion?"
"No. l married during the war and
have not got through the rebellion yet. !"
Il Detroit Free Press.
HE WAS NOT LATE.
Snagsley has some reputation as wit.
The other evening he attended private
theatrical, to which he felt obliged to go,
although he knew he would be dreadfully
bored. As he entered the vestibule the
hostess said to him reproachfully:
"Oh, Mr.. Snagsly, how late you are!'
''Has Mile. Schreechirini sung yet2"
"No, but she is Just about to-"
"Then l am not late," said Snagsley,
II am premature"
IN THE UMBRELLA SHOP.
81 suppose you have a bigger trade
when it rains than when it doesn't rain" 7"
he said to the dealer in umbrellas.
"No, I don't notice any difference" I"
said the umbrella dealer.
"But you get better prices when it
rains, don't you."
"Why should II"
"Why, umbrellas go up then, don't
they2"
He Just got out of the store in time to
escape being poked in the eye by new
style ladies' sunshade. i Boston Courier.
A BRILLIANT SCHEME.
Hostess-Dear me, the conversation is
tagging. What can we do to amuse our
guests9
Host-I don't know, unless we leave
the drawing room for o few minutes and
give them chance to talk about u.s.
New York Sun.
MAKING HERSELF AGREEABLE.
Little May-Little girls oughtto try to
make themselves agreeable to gentlemen,
oughtn't they, Uncle George2
Uncle George-Of course, my dear.
Little May-Especially when they are
very rich and very old, like you-at least
that's what mamma told me- Munsey's
Weekly.
AN EXCELLENT REASON WHY.
Miss Rose-How dreadfully stuck uE
that Miss Paistie is.
Jack Rounder-Well, she ought to be-.
Her father owns one of the largest glue
factories in the country.
NOT so STUPID AS HE LOOKS.
Jane-You seem to be unhappy,
| Emma.
Emma-Yes, I have been deceived in
my husband. When / married him
supposed that it was not my money, but
myself that he loved.
"And now you have found out that il
was not you at all, but only your money
ha xuoe aftor -