The Ottawa free trader., 1890-01-04
MIN HB0uE E0WN.

Down went McGinty TO the bottom
Of the sea.
Who put him in?
Little JOnnie Binn,
Who pulled him out?
He amt out-hope he never will get
out
~
CHICAGO STN LIE.
The worlds fair-Chicago:
Well, not yet.
: We have the worlds
Fair-est maids-you bet,
POOR HEAD.
The head that was swelled on Amas
viii lust about get into shape
When the faSt-ilOWing DOWl OF New
Years
viii bulge it with sparkling grape.
~
"Say." said Capt. Wallen, "Christ-
mas and New Years only come once Il
wear. | was down in Yazoo City last
New Years, and you bet the town
was red-hOt. One OF the fellows got
very tired, and went to sleep on a
chair in the hotel Office toward morn
ing, and we decided to play a joke on
him, Just 10y way Of diversion. One
of the boys got sheet and wrapped it
around him. Then he took IA stand
before the victim. When all was
ready, another of the gang fired re-
volver. Did he run? Did he get up
and git? Well, he never stopped run
ming until daylight, for he thought II
was the ghost of a man he had killed
in Natchez two years before
~
Speaking of ghosts continued tn.
Captain, Il saw ghost one night
"Ah?"
go way"
"Well, boys, | did. 1t was over il
Iowa. just after the prohibition planE
was added to the platform OF the
state constitution. An old hummer
who made his headquarters in ant
around Iowa City. Before the saloons
were closed he was boated with beer
and must have weighed two hundred
pounds. After the closing of the wet
goods resorts, | was walking past tn,
graveyard on a moonlight night and
figure silently arose from beside th'
fence and held out it's hand to me. |
was a slim, bony figure, 1t looked a
though the moonlight would Ger
tainly shine through it if given ial
show. And most hOrrible-it had th
face of the ancient bum who was ono
50 bloated.
500 away horrible shadow. Unrea
mockery, avaunt, and quit my sight
Thy bones are marroWless, thy bloo
is cold" fairly shriekcd.
"'Don't, boss, said the. tigur
meekly. i amt no ghost. I'm onl
watts left of Mike Murphy, der bun
an boss. can't yer give me dime te
get "A drink
"You bet it raised a load off m
mind. and Mike got Il quarter, instea
of dime, an accession Of wealth tina
nearly drove him wild with delight
~
"Anything new. 'Doc?'" asked tn
Man About Town of Il prominen
dentist the other evening.
"New? Not that | know Of"
"Why, don't your lady customer
have anything to communicate?
should think that you would be fairl
bubblng over with news
"No, thank heaven, the dear crei
lures don't communicate. | suppoS
they would if they could, bu
they can't. You see, a dentist is pre-
tected from the prattle of the dca
creatures by his method of work. ii
places a sheet of thin rubber over tn
mouth, and then works outside tina
upon the tooth, over which the rul
Der is pressed. Yes, it's a cold da
when a dentist is hOred-he does IA
the boring himself with his littl
drill. A dentist never grows haggar
and weary. He is the least bothere
of ali professional men. You can
expect news from meat least not t
day"
| had walked toward the door an
was about to move onward when tn
dentist stopped me with:
Say; | had a funny experience SON
time ago You see, fellow frOl
Grand Ridge came into the Office wit
his jaw Swelled up the size of a hi
apple. 1t was hot in the latter pal
of July of this year. He got into I'll
chair, and when | graSped the fOrcept
he sat up.
Say" he said, ''now I'm a despe
ate man. If you hurt me, I'll whallo
you. sure"
Did hurt him? Well, don't kno
WldI NOu NbulNl udNt Ndll't II.
showed the forceptS nearly up to TN
roots of that tooth, and placing III
left hand on his forehead, | gave on
awful yank and nearly pulled tn
whole top Of his head off, but the tOot
came. He never said word, bu
paid and meekly went away"
~
Il saw an amusing incident on shil
board" said gentleman who hj
crossed the big pond.
The Man raised his eyebrows ei
quiringly.
'Ges. On board the vessel was
floppish EngliShman who claimed
be a lord. He was very important.
was young New York tough VIII
was returning from Paris. The Shi
rolled considerably, and the swell az
cidentally pitched forward full upO
the lap of the tough, who was seate
in a steamer chair.
"'What yer doin'?' demanded tn
tDuoh with a fprcp pNnrpSsi m