Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-09-14
Funnfest Trees Then Eper Sa,c.

Funniest Trees They Euer Sa,O.
Bruin studying art? or was she mentally
debating whether to 90 in and smash Mile.
Catamount or go and get drink first? With
process OF human reasoning almost touch
ing she decided to hunt up a drink.
She softly left the greenroom and entered
the wings and upon the stage. Nothing but
an array Of empty seats. There was forest
scene ON, and for a moment Mile. Bruin
was thrilled with joy. Not because of the
rocks and trees and flowers and vines that
suggested her native wilds of Texas-not at
all. On the paint bridge far up against the
rear wall were sundry cans of paint.
TERRIBLE FALL.
To the poor petite ingenue they appeared
to be growlers representing so much beer
Every nerve and muscle was now alive. She
forgot her headache. Her thirst increased.
With the keen instinct born of the necessi-
ties of the moment she quickly discovered
the ladder. The paint bridge gained, she
made for the supposed growlers, grasping
the nearest in her strong young arms with a
smile of satisfaction. In another instant a
copious shower of white paint covered the
surrounding scenery.
Another and poor petite ingenue snorted
and growled and knocked half dozen paint
cans right and left, and shower OF brushes,
red. white, green, blue, yellow and every
other kind Of paint went splashing and rat
Ting down to the stage below. She gave a
spring for the nearest tree, and if ever there
was bear surprised it was Mile. Bruin, for
the branches were a delusion and snare,
and the great trunk that rose SO grandly,
about which she threw her limbs, shrank
into skeleton of lath and canvass and
nails.
A NEW KIND OF TREE.
Ripl snort! splitl swish split! yell!
Mile. Bruin had never struck tree like
that before. She landed on the stage with a
lacerated carcass and combination of con-
fdential expressions which could they have
been translated into Harlem English would
have made the hair of dead saint curl.
There wasn't enough of that stage tree left
to make court plaster. At least not enough
court plaster to cover the scars of Mile.
Bruin.
Now it so happened that this was matinee
day. The combination of blondes had the
legal right to the theater. Any perform
ance of Mile. Bruin or others was, therefore,
in the shape of an extra or unprofessional
matinee not advertised. It was getting on
toward o'clock and two or three of the real
ladies of the combination had taken posses
sion of their dressing rooms. The boss lady
herself. a feshy beauty of several tender
summers unaccounted for, was there, and
of course the knowledge that the bear was
loose caused panic. As soon as Mile.
Bruin recovered her breath from the haz-
ardous descent from the paint bridge she
was mad all over. She was scratched and
bruised and dry and vered with paint and
dirt If w nnt nuIrl-a hr1pnap
for her to at once attribute her misfortunes
to Mile. Catamount, her nearest enemy.
A BEAUTY TREED.
Having arrived logically at this con-
clusiou Mile. Bruin recovered her equ,lib-
rum and Immediately started for the dress-
ing rooms in search of her tormentor. She
reached the first door where she heard a
noise just as one of the girls was climbing
upon her table with a yell. The dressing
room door latch is little more than fiction
and it gave way to Mile. Bruins weight
with scarcely protest. But Mile. Bruin
was not hungry just nov-she was after
other game. For she Immediately retreated
to the next door.
Y-e-a-o-u-g-h!
All! now she knew where Mile. Cata-
mount wasl In another instant down went
the door. Smash Yeoughi Sniff Bangi
Growli went the Texas ladies, tooth and
nail. Mile. Bruin broke that cage into
smithereens. Both Mile. Catamount and
Mile. Bruin rolled out into the greenroom
floor and over and over each other in a
rough and tumble fight that lasted about a
minute. The fur and hair few around in a
cloud. Then Mile. Bruin got in good one
with her right that sent Mile. Catamount
sprawling out on the stage. Here Mile.
Catamount saw the forest. She didn't recog-
nlze it at first, but suddenly darted for one
Of the trees and essayed TO reach the nearest
BRUINS SWEET REVENGE.
She came down, Sitting great strips of
canvass with her sharp claws. When she
reached the stage with thump there was
Mile. Bruin to send her spinning. Up she
went up another property tree, making
holes at every step-and down she came to
get another and another whack from Mile.
Bruin, who, now covered with paint and
gore, was a sight to behold. Mile Bruin
knew those trees. She made no attempt to
follow her hated rival. All she had to do
was to wait and whack-and this she did
until about seven of the traditional nine
lives Of Mile. Catamount were exhausted.
The other two would have gone the same
way but for an inspiration Of the stage car
penter, who arrived on the scene with a
yrowler of beer.
Mile. Bruin turned once more to the paths
Of peace and pleasantness. Here was that
drink. She embraced the opportunity and
The growler, and under the soothing pota-
lion offered no objections to being rubbed
DOWN, reclaimed and lei back to her corner.
Mile. Catamount was also secured. The
next day she was sent to Central Park,
present to the city Of New York. Mile.
Bruin is still leading quiet but steady lite |
,f dissipation at the variety. She hasn't as
much hair but has more sense. It Is the
way with all Of us--as we grow older.
CHARLES T. MURRAY,