Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-06-19
MAKING THINGS EVEN.

pOdCO'
81 see. And where is this gang of
boys goingw
'"They are going to stone Chinese
funeral." New York Weekly.
BUT THE TooTH's IN THE OTHER JAW.
Aunt Mary-Poor Bulge! Does your
tooth ache yet 2 If 'twere mine, dear, I'd
have it out at once.
Budget 'twere yours Well, auntie,
so would Ii [Harper's Young People.
wHIRL1GIG OF TINE.
His first love was full twenty-five;
He eighteen when he sought her.
When he at forty did arrive
He asked her for her daughter.
= Puck.
MODERN CHIvALRY.
Awkward Miss with an UMBRELLA
Beg pardon!
Polite Gentleman-Don'tm mention it.
I have another eye left New York
Weekly.
WHY SHE GIVES NOTICE.
Mistress Mary, what have you
to complain about2
New Parlor Maid-Really, ma'am, it is
too much. l can't stand the everlasting
fault finding of the coachman. He says
now | have worse temper even than
you Yenowine's News.
She told him she'd be his sister,
"Oh, that's all right" said he,
"But then, of course, you understand
My sisters live with me-"
Il -TPhliadelphia Times.
TENDER HEART.
Hell have three thousand a year.
You could certainly live on that.
She--Yes; but I should hate to see you
starve.-[Life.
BLESSINGS OF A DIVIDE.
First Philosophical Tramp-Look at
tn uneven distribution of wealth. Mister
Astor cud give every man in tn country
SO. So and he'd have $2 left fer his
SELF
Second Philosophical Tramp-If he'd
only do it, what blessin' it 'ud be. You
and l cud be howlin' drunk all day to-
morrer.- New York Weekly.
TO SUMMER.
Oh, summer, you're lovely time,
Your faults are very few,
The greatest-and it is no crime
Is that you've flies on you.
STRIKING AN AVERAGE.
Restaurant Guest-Everything you
have brought me is stone cold.
Polite Waiter-Here is the mustard an
pepper, sab.
FULFILLING A LARGE CONTRACT.
"Do you always practice what you
preach?" asked the tired deacon of the
long -winded minister.
81 do, my brother" said the long
winded minister solemnly.
" Well," said the tired deacon, with
| sigh, "I don't wonder then that you
don't seem to get any time to make any
pastoral calls. "-[ [Somerville Journal.
TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY.
After the service. Widow Weeds
Whom was Mr.. Prooftext referring to
when he spoke of "this woman stricken
with grief?"
"Why didn't you know he was refer
ring to you9"
Widow Weeds-Was he9 But, then,
he didn't know John. Boston Trans
cript.
| A PROCESS OF MENDING.
Travis-Oh dear! Early summer always
breaks me up. l feel as if | was going
all to pieces.
Bloodgood-rll tell you what you want
to do, then.
| What's that2
| Bloodgood- a run right after
dinner and get stitch in your side.-
Burlington Free Press.
CHILDREN WELCOME.
Weary Searcher Cooking for board =
I hope, madam, you do not object to
children9
Boarding House Mistress -Oh, not in
the least. Thave nine myself.
| Weary Searcher (backing of)-Um--
er-if decide to take the rooms, will
send you postal. Good day New
York Weekly.
NOT A DEvoTEE.
| Miss Inswim-Do you admire Brown
ing, Mr.. Doughenhead
| Young Doughenhead Well, the fact
is, Miss Inswim, at the risk of being con.
/ o;dorad irrnnronf r p,,1ct nnnfocc that
don't appreciate him at ALL
| Miss Inswim- E-m-m-m, do you con
slider the risk very great, Mr.. Doughen-
head
PRODIGY THIS.
i Johnny, how many seasons are
Il there ~
sThree !: pepper, salt and Dc baseball
season 7