Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1890-10-02
MORE OF Less AMusINo.

WEATHER report-a thunder clap.
MANY fine dinners are served In q
course way.
An after-dinner speech: Waiter,
bring me the tooth-picks.
IsN'T it rather rough to call grocer
who simply sands his sugar an adul-
terer?
: ''TM having a 'gallus' time" said the
old bachelor, as he mended one of his
suspenders.
: CHAwLIE-I thought you took an in
terest In my welfare. MadgezNo, sir;
only in your farewell.
: CHICAGO girls object to rubbers,
they draw the feet so. !" IL must be az
awful load. even fer India-rubber.
MISS WIsEMAN-Isn't your husband
a little bald? Mrs Hendricks Gndig-
.nantly) There isn't a bald hair in his
head.
F: CHAUNcEY DEPEw needn't brag about
seeing the Queen. We knew a man
once who saw" four queens and it cost
him about $4,000.
MorHER-And what did you say to
the gentleman, Ethel, when he gave
you the apple? Ethel told him
that / liked oranges better.
BARBER (executing an artistic swipe
down his customers cheek)-Does it
pull? Customer with his teeth firmly
set)-No. it don't pull-It ex cavates.
MRS MCCARTHY Ito pedlar)-Is thin
'cabbages nice, Mr.. O'Leary? O'Leary
(gallantly) they're as fresh
and green as yourself, Mrs. Mccarthy.
AVERAGE wife-AIy dear, aren't you
going to church with me this Sunday?
Average husband-Good lands Why,
I went to church with you last Sun
day.
IRATE better half Jeremiah. you're
a-goin' ter hev a piece of my mind now
Henpecked husband (feebly)-I ruther
hev a peace of mine, wife, burned eff I
hedn't.
Mrs. UProN-Yes, that is my daugh-
ter's piano; but she has scarcely
touched it since she has been married.
Mrs. Downton-Jest the same with
my darter an FER typewriter.
'cDo YOU believe that spirits can re-
turn, Doctor!" ''Oh, my friend, how
can you ask such question:? If I be-
lieved that would not be able to prac-
tice my profession any longerp
BENEVOLENT; well, Fritz, you got
whipped at school to-day ?" eyes, but
IT did not hurt" "But YOU certainly
have been crying?" "O6. wanted to
let the teacher have a little pleasure
out of it"
FIRST resorter- That mosquito just
came up and presented his bill as cool
as could be. Ineyer had anything sting
me so. Second resorter-That's moth
ing. Wait till the landlord does the
same thing.
BENEVOLENT party-My man, don't
you think fishing is a cruel sport?
Fishernan-Cruel Well, 1 should
say So have sat here six hours, have
not had a bite and am nearly eaten up
by mosquitoes.
! SLEEKER- sir, always kept a
diary. And there never was an entry
in that diary which would have been
| ashamed that my mother or my sister
should see. Ruffen-Same here. put
down "sundries" for turntables.
II FEEL" said the young man to her
| father, "that existence without your
daughter would be only dreary task,
| whose completion could not come too
soon." very well" said the old gen
t1eman; take her, and presently you'll
feel the same way, only more So"
PAPA" said the young mother, 81
have decided on name for the baby;
! we Will GILL u0I 1ulOSCA. L dpd WIS
lost in thought for a few minutes he
did not like the name, but If he opposed
it his wife would have her own way.
."That's NICE" said he, presently. "My
first sweetheart was. named Imogen,
and she will take it as a compliment"
eve will call her Mary, after my
mother" was the stern reply.
THE BRIsKY SUMMER GIRL.
| When the grass widow loves to repose
In the shade,
| And the bank clerk afecteth to doZe
In the glade,
| The frisky young lass
Tumbles round in the grass,
Nor of strangers who pass
Is AFRAID.
Nought cares she for curl or skirt,
Not she;
| She rompishly loVeth to 1irt
With some he.
| He may be granger he may
| Be a drummer who stops for day;
| Men are scarce, and young maidens are gay
| Full Of glee.
| San Francisco RelOs Letter.
] Large