The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1890-09-25
PLAIN DRALRR.
EVERYTHING IN TIE LINE o.
JOB WORK,
Bill Heads, Cards, Pos
ters, Circulars.
MISCELLANEOUS.
s,iIaaelloo b neailess, pTe1Dt1ess l01
pdee esaTlatoel.


-'Good morning, Mr.. Solomon"
''Goot morning, sir. Vat can | sell
your" ''Nothing. l didn't come to
buy" 'Goot day. sir."-Yankee Blade.
of the one hundred and eight new
roses produced during the year just
passed. seventy-three are credited TO-
France, and but five to the United
Etatos.
-Celetine-"Why didn't you take that
seat the gentleman offered you?" Earn
estine-"Isecause / would have had 70
0it next to that woman whose dress
doesn't harmonic in color with mine"
Domestic servants are 50 scarce in
Montreal that women in want OF help
are said to visit the Jail with the view
Of engaging young women TO work for
prisonment.
Jockey Cant ride to-day. Mr..
Petit" Pettit-.What's the matter?
Are you sicky' Jockey mo, I'm not
sick; but I've got silver in my finger
and I'm afraid they'd make it out that
] was oyerweight"-Judge.
-Lady-"I would like to get serv-
ant-girl. The family consists Of my
husband, myself and Ave children."
Employment Agent "very sorry.
madam. but you will have to kill Oh
some OF the children"
Vaudeville Virgins, Of New
Brighton, Staten Island, suggests drown
ing IS . humane form Of capital punish
ment. He says he came near being
drowned not long ago himself He went
<0p HhnH he
that method would be painless.
Old gentleman lat his daughters
wedding)-.My dear, don't see how
am to get along without you" Bride
"Never mind, pa. Since the ceremony
was performed, my husband has con-
fessed that he hasn't enough saved to
20 to housekeeping, 50 you may not lose
me after all.'-N. Y. Weekly.
Eighteen words have come into tho
language - probably temporarily, most
Of them ~ to denote the act or state Of
electric killing. They are as follows:
Electromort, thanelectrize. thanatelec-
trize. thanatelectrisis. electrophon. elec-
tricise, electrotony, electrophony. olec-
troctony, electroctasy, electricide, elcc-
trop9nize, electrothenese. electroed.
ClCCIEOCutiOus IulHOus VOlt0CuSS ouV
ectrostrike.-Garratt.
Don't clean your nails In public"
said critic to Detroit Free Press re-
porter. ut is unspeakably valgar. The
toilet should be made in the privacy Of
ones chamber, or, 1T any rate. out Of
the public gaze. II there Is anything
in the world that disgusts . person it Is
TO SEQ fellow pull out q jackknife in :
street car and begin pairing away at his
hands Don't do it, for it is vulgar to
the highest.
"A gentleman who wrote concerning
the price of board in country town il
said to have received this telegram In
reply: Board, $50 week, including
washing up the carriage and piano
agent Robinson He wrote in an
swer that though both piano agent and
carriage needed cleaning. he was not
accustomed to such charges in . Loard
bill, and soon after learned that the
original copy had run thus: Hoard.
so . week, including washing. use OF
carriage and piano. Agnes Robinson"
Tho annual product of roofing slate
- given by Superintendent Of the Cen
sus Porter Is S28, 900 squares, OF value
Of S2, 775,2 ,271. of which Pennsylvania's
share is 474.6O2 squares and 81. .636, ,94a.
OF slate for other purposes the value is
given at 1868, $50. Pennsylvania part
being S374. S3l; total value OF all slate
produced, $s,4ai.s.,s; Pennsylvania. 81
Ol1,77d. - Pittsburgh Chronicle Tele-
graph.
Tho man who was hurrying into tho
hatter's was on business. lie wanted
his old hat "When did you leave /,
here?" Il dunno" was the reply. They
hunted over great pyramid Of hats and
found 1t, labeled July ?. When he wen
out the halter said: ''That man bought
| new hat here and when he went out
said that he would call for it in half an
hour. 1t has now been four weeks. We
| throw away seven or eight hundred old
hats every year for which the owners
are going to call in half an hour. -
Lewiston Journal.
| The London Hospital tells OF .
seamstress, who. like Hoods pathetic
heroine In the "Song Of the Shirt"
| worked till the stars shone on the roof.
Her eyesight failed, and the story goes
on: ''She saw at the Same time four
hands, four needles and four seams.
She at drst treated them as an illusion.
but at tho end Of some days, in con-
sequence OF weakness and prolonged
mental anxiety, she imagined that she
WAS really sewing four seams at once,
and that God. touched by her misfor-
tune, had worked . miracle in her
/ favor"
/ According to calculation made by
the Economists Beige, the cost OF firing
llO-pound gun Is, in round numbers,
4S32. divided as follows: 900 pounds Of
powder. $3.50; 1850 pounds projectile,
SASS; silk for cartridge. ST.; total SS32.
But this is not all. The llO-pound gun.
1t appears, can be fired but IS times,
and after that becomes incapable Of be-
Ing used, ana requires repairs. Now,
the cost Of the piece being ss., 400, it is
necessary to estimate the cost Of wear
the cost Of each charge to 81, 700.
They struck town Tuesday, pictures
Of rural health and nnsophisticated hap
piness. says t . Sidney IN. W Record.
Down our main street they wandered.
side by s!de. hand in hand. They saw
not tho light Of heaven; naught but the
light Of the gentle fame Of love illum-
mated their path and enabled them to
see their way to Justice Pierce's, where
their sching, throbbing hearts were
soldered into one. blissful and indi-
visible forever and evermore. Venus
and Adonis in this case was represented
by Lester d. Newton, Of Norwich, and
Miss May Hubert, Of Walton. After
the nuptial knot was knotted the happy
pair went to Hotaling's grocery and in
vested in two slices OF watermelon.
The Only One In America.
James H. Drake possesses very
unique scarfpin. 1t is nothing moro or
less than knight Of the Garter pin, Of
which there are none in this country
with this exception, and but thirty-two
in AL England. The pattern is garter
Of blue enamel, on which there are the
well-known words in gilt lettering, sur
mounted by cross whose points ara Sc,
L -