The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-01-15
Things a Woman Can Do Best.


Oh, yes, undoubtedly there arc
things that woman can do bette
than q man.
They may be small matters, but they
exist, and woman can readily beat
man doing them, and she should have
the credit of it.
In the first place. she can wear a
petticoat, and not take it up on her
heels when she walks, and we doubt
if the wisest man living can accom-
plish this little feat even after a good
many times trying.
She can look sweet as sugar when
she feels Cross enough to behead some
body.
She can be such excellent friends
with rival, and help do up her back
hair, whom she hates her so that she
would be glad if she caught the small
pox and got her face carved into the
semblance of Chinese cabinet.
She can scold better than any man
living. She can think of more aggra-
waiting things to say in one hour, than
man, no matter how many colleges
he has graduated from, and how many
u,
of in six months.
She can cry, wherf she cannot gain
her point any other way, and it is
pretty tough work for the average man
TO cry, and not make a mess of it.
She can spank baby better than a
man. She feels that it is her right to
do it, and man always goes about as
if he was ashamed of it, and as If he
didn't exactly know where to begin, or
where TO leave Off
She can drive hens out of the garden
in half the time it will take man to
do 1t. 1t is no use to swear at hens.
They do not understand profanity, but
the swish of skirt, and the flourish of
a sun-bonnet, are arguments they can
not withstand
a woman can find something TO talk
about when man would be dead broke
for a topic.
She can manage to keep you waiting
while she gets ready to go somewhere
longer than five men could, unless they
were youths In the clutches of first
love, and had to struggle with refract-
DRY neckties,
\ woman can get more bundles to-
gether In half days shopping than a
man can carry, and she can buy goods
ten per cent. cheaper than he can, be-
asks everybody what they paid for
everything, and is thoroughly posted
on prices: and, in the second place, she
has the infinite patience TO stand and
talk to the clerks, and wheedle. and
coax. and bargain, until, in the sheer
desperation of utter soul-weariness.
they take off two cents a yard, and
think themselves lucky to escape so
well.
a woman can be patient when the
fire doesn't burn. She can look serene
when the coffee won't settle. She can
refrain from mentioning the Evil One
when the bread is heavy. She can
control herself and not go into spasms,
if her collar Is not ironed to suit her.
She doesn't go TO Europe, or take TO
drink, when Tom "goes back" on her.
She does a more sensible thing. She
accepts Dick, and shows Tom that she
didn't care fig for him.
Women are the best part of crea-
ton. We all know that The other
sex may ridicule them all they please,
but they wouldn't have women abolish
ed for the world There would be no.
body to sew on buttons. Nobody to
find fault with. Nobody to raise mus
taches for. Nobody to feel an interest
in your cold and to put catnip poul-
tees on.you when you had the tooth
ache. Nobody to buy ice-creams for.
Nobody to love. Nobody to hug. No
body to kiss, for it is a spectacle to
make angels weep to see one man kiss
another.
And so, in spite of the fact that wo-
men are the weaker sex, let us have
women right along, because there are
things they can do better than men,
Kate Thorn, IN Nelo York Weekly.