St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1890-04-05
WIT AND HUMOR.
A WEIRD TALE,

And when somebody said
Il don't believe he is daid"
The corpse quickly shouted u achm"
And since then they say that his ghost
Each night walks around his bed phost
And it scares all the folks
Who arn't used to such jolks,
Clear out Of their senses almhost
Chicago Herald.
butcher knows how to make both ends
meat. Yes, if you give him the proper
steer.-Boston Post.
care you fond of sweet potatoes, Mr..
Bliven p asked Mrs. Hashem at the din
Ter table. 81 yam" replied Billy.
Davidson, the banker, is very sick.
However, he no doubt for years has kept
the end in view" ''The end?" Eyes, the
dividend"
(Which would you rather be, a knave
or fool?" asked Idioticus. II don't
know, replied Cynicus. ''What has been
your experience?
"You girls want the EARTH" said a
father, when his daughter asked for new
jacket. "No, papa" said she, mot the
earth-only new jersey"
A newly appointed country postmaster
in Texas did not send off any mail for some
time, and when written to by an official
replied that he was waiting for the mail
sack to get full before sending it to the
train.
Brakeman-"Put your head in there.
D. yer wanter get it knocked off yer?
Infrequent Traveler-"I can't haul it in
an live. They's a Teller in here smokin
a paper cigar filled with skunk cabbage"
-Judge.
A dry goods house advertising seal
saeques the other day added to it's adver-
tisement, "Circulars Free" lady, after
reading the advertisement. sent note to
the house asking for a circular-a fur
lined one.
"You are now one," said the minister to
the happy pair he had just tied together
with q knot that they never could undo
(Which one?" asked the BRIDE "You
will have to settle that for yourselves"
said the clergyman.
"Well, Johnny, shall forgive you this
time and it's very pretty of you to write
a letter to say you're sorry" Eyes, ma
but don't tear it up, please" "Why,
Johnny" Because it will do for next
time "-Christina Nation.
Jones propounded the following conun-
drum at his club: eff stand on my head
the blood rushes to my head; why, then.
when | stand on my feet does the blood
not rush to my feet7' Some one answered,
Because your feet are not so empty"
Snaggs-''So you have been living in
Kansas since saw you last. How did you
like it out there3" Boggs-sI didn't like
it at all. had no sooner taken up my
residence there than cyclone did like
wise" ST. aggs-"Did wbat?' Boggs-
'Took up my residence-and carried it
into the next county.-AmerGcG.
A suspicious subscriber, who found
spider in his paper, wants to know if it is
considered bad omen. Nothing of the
kind. The spider was merely looking over
the columns of the paper to see what mer-
chant was not advertising, so that it could
spin It's web across his store door and be
free from disturbance. Exchange.
ApplicanU-"Cant yer help an old SOL
fellow, here's dollar for you Were you
wounded?" Applicant (pocketing the bilp
-"No, mum but wuz 'mong the missin'
twice." Benevolent Lady-"How terrible
When was it?' Applicant-"Jest afore tn
battles of Antietam an tn Wilderness,
mum. "-Judge.
stEvery good song soothes and uplifts.
1t is just possible that at times song Is
as good as prayer. Indeed song of the
pure kind recognized in Scripture, is akin
to petition, which it is also, In the spirit
of thanksgiving. The sweet singer of
Israel welded his sincerest prayers to mel
ody, and waited them upward on the night
air from his throbbing heart"
jamin. how many times
must tell you not to snap your fingers.
Now put down your hand and keep still.
lssshall hear what you have to say pres
emily" Five minutes later. "Now, then,
Benjamin, what is it that you wanted to
sayf' enjamip-"There was a tramp in
the hall while ago, and | saw him 60 off
with your gold-headed parasol." - eao
York Sun.
A young lady of Walker received
present from New York friend of an
elaborate silken, lace-trimmed robe, girdled
with ribbons, IN which she soon made her
debut at an evening party and received
many compliments upon her attire. She
tainted upon hearing from her New York
friend that the exquisite costume was
nightgown.-Omah0 Republican,.
When man sits down on pavement
and waits for procession of lamp posts to
go by, he is drunk; when he takes off his
boots, lies down in the gutter, and tries to
blow out the moon, under the impression
that it is the bedroom candle: is more
drunk but when he goes to the police
station and tries to bully the inspector into
sending for doctor to certify that he is
sober, he is most drunk.-Appzeton Post
When medicine is given child, par
ents like to feel it is a safe ard proper one
Such a remedy is DR. Bn1Ps Worm Da