The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-01-08
SPARKS OF WIT.

PLANE sailing In prairie SCHOONER.
A WIRE pullT-the telegraph line
man.
JAGGs - Pawnbrokers arc ornery
cusses. Baggs-Yes; but you have to
put up with them.
WHILE the English drum-beat Is
heard around the world, the American
dead beat isn't far behind.
JoNEs-"Say, Browne. why do you
call your eldest boy Telephone"
Brown-"Becaase he never works"
A scHooLBoY, being asked in an ex-
animation TO state the Significance OF
Id. wrote: LID. stands for lung
and liver doctor.
A SPORTING character hearing of a
horse eating meat said he had seen
many nags running for stakes, and he
cnn chuck-le over that.
"GRAcIoUs, exclaimed Mrs. Mala-
prop, II read in the papers of Con
gresham az large / do hope they'll
capture him before he does any harm.
By quick shot he had just rescued
her from the clutches of a lear. What
were Your thougias when bruin COM
menced TO squeeze?" was his inquiry.
aOh, Charlie, 1 thought of you'll"
WHEN the old lady had fallen into
the well, and was rescued with some
difficulty, she declared that "had it not
been for Providence and another man."
she never would have been got out
alive.
@UPoN my SOUL" exclaimed Mrs.
Flyaround, II never saw such an old
gadder in all my life as that Mrs.
Neverhome isl Actually, / called
seven times at her home and couldn't
get in once"
ISN'T it lonely here, George? Did
you ever know anything so still ?" "Oh,
yes. Once" when was that?" II
hired plumber once to do a days work
for me, and he never moved from morn
ing to night"
IRATE PoLITICIAN-Look here, you
published lie about me this morning
an infamous lie l won't stand it.
Serene editor-But just think where
you would be if we were to publish the
truth about you"
STRANGER-Excuse me, sir, but did
NV .NOi DObllt VI lihll
in that barber shop? Binks-Yes; why?
Stranger-Oh, nothing; only l wish to
inform you that / am the most artistic
wigmaker on the street.
JoNsMITH -Debrown has changed
wonderfully since he went to work on
that religious paper He leads blame
fess life now. Jonjones-Yes, he does
nothing wrong now except to lie about
the circulation of his paper.
FOOLISH MAIDEN.
Off the foolish fashions
That foolish women wear.
There's nothing more outlandish
Than banging of the hair
1t is a dangerous habit. too
And all girls should beware,
Lest after they are married
They still should bang their heir.
"SHALL L Wind the clock, vadder ?"
asked young Jacob Isaacstein, as they
were about to close the store NO"
said the old gentleman with n sigh.
- iZness vas too pad. Choost let it
nlone, Jacob, und We will save the wear
and tear of the veels.
MEssRs. GIBBoN and Redman (call-
ingl-Is Miss Flirtette in? Bridget
Faith, 1 don't know She said eff fit wuz
that rid -hidded, freckled dude, she
wasn't in: but if it was that handsome
Mr.. Gibbon. she wus. But, begorry,
you're both here together.
MISS PRITTIE-Grandma Mr.. Pat
tots Is going to give me an elegant ring
set with q carbuncle. Grandma thor-
riiied)-You mustn't take it, child
Don't touch it For your grandpapa's
Uncle Joe had one o. them carbuncles,
and died with it inside o. three weeks
time !"
THERE is benevolent gentleman in
Boston who gives twenty-five cents for
religious purposes every time when he
swears. He has already ID new
steeple on the Presbyterian church,
and is now engaged in "cursing up"
donation to the Home Missionary So
ciety.
A COOK who had burned mp a piece
of veal weighing four pounds threw it
away, and afterward explained to her
mistress that the cat had eaten the
meat. very we'll, said the lady, I'VE
will see that directly" So saying, she
took the cat, put it on the scales, and
found that it weighed exactly four
pounds. There. Fredericba, she said,
"are the four pounds of meat-but
where is the cat z"
No Angels for Them.