Arizona weekly enterprise., 1890-10-04
THE "ARIzONA KICKER"
Westward the Star of Empire and So
 Forth.

Among the many good things in the last issue of the Arizona Kicker we ex- tract the following, says the Detroit Free l Press: -
 OUR GATN.-Monday afternoon an Ital- ian with dancing bear struck the town, and half an hour later Colonel Sideriai Thompson, Assistant Register of Daede. awoke from a snooze he had been enjoy ing in an armchair iii the Mighty West Billiard Parlors When tie Colonel saw the bear dance he made up his boozy mlnd to have a waltz with him. His friends called him of, but he was pig headed and obstinate and refused to stay off. He suddenly jumped in on the bear with yell and whoop, and being new to our ways the beast probably supposed himself attacked. At any rate he set to work with teeth and claws. and so used the Colonel up in about three minutes that he died that night The general verdict of the public Is that his loss is our gain. He had no enterprise as a citizen and as a man some of Us would have had to plant him within a few weeks anyhow
 SETTLED AT LAsT.-As will be noticed elsewhere in the regular court proceed lngs, the legal trouble between the editor of the Kicker and Professor Mccall has al Itts,l DtSll 5titl1EI diIu ci1 anlICdDie Iln- derstandmg arrived at The Professor came here about two years ago, and be- ing In hard luck borrowed our only Sun day shirt and fifty cents in cash, and later on refused to either return the same or recognize our claim We posted him as a deadbeat and he sued Us for $50000 We proved him bigamist and he fired two shots at us in front of the postofiica We advised lynching, and he was laid up for month ID the attempt to hOrseWhip us. The Professor instituted no less than five suits against us, and on several differ eHt occasions planned our assassination.
 Day before yesterday, while the Pro lessor was laying for us with a shotgun at the pOstoffice. he was run over ill stampede of mules. We weIe the first to reach him and render aid He was car red to the Kicker office in an uncon- sclOus condition, and 1t was half an hour before he came to. Mutual friends seiz- ed upon the occasion to settle the trouble and their efforts were successful We now desire to announce ill italics that the Professor Is an honest, worthy gentle man, possessed of fine voice and well qualified to teach the divine art of music On the other hand he subscribes fer the Kicker, paying in advance, of course, and advertises to the extent of S24 per year.
 APPLY TO THE CORONER as our outside pages were going to press Judge Knight called at the Kicker office and invited Us to ride out to Lone Tree with him in his horse and buggy. and half an hour later we were there. The boys had preceded us. and we found them in a circle around "Dr B. B. Belinger. late of the Royal College of London-the only discCverer of a sure cure for eonsump- tion." The doctor has been with Us about month, claiming to cure almost everything on earth, but after his reme- dies had knocked over half a dozen citi- zens the boys concluded that 1t was time for him to drop out. He refused to drop. Hence a committee called and asked him to take a walk. He had taken the walk and stood on iarrel when we caught sight of hlm. There was Q connection between the doctors neck and stout limb and he was making a speech.
 The doctor recognized us at once and besought us to explain to the crowd that he was in hurry to leave the country. He couldn't fly, but he would do the next best thing Although he had not advertised with us, and he had given all his io5roTlz # cur contemporary, we could not refuse his request. As a per sonal favor to us the boys, after letting him hang long enough to insure . good case of gore throat, cut him down, gave him a nip of whisky and advised him to go East He went, The last we saw of him he was making such time as no jack rabbit in this country can ever hope to equal, Any one having any legal claim on 105 bottles of consumption cure, to- gether with a machine for making pills, two packs of cards and office furniture valued at S3.25. will please apply to our worthy Coroner. While Dr. Relinger still lives to the world at large there is no doubt that he Is dead to this commun- l itv