Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1890-12-27
BILL NYE REJOICES.
How He Came Near Unto Being Victim
lied by the Prolific Duvali.
Nsp York World.

How can l thank you enough for your
exposure in this mornings issue?
had just prepared touching letter and
was going to send $40 and bolt OF
shrinkless red flannel to little William
Nye Duvall, when | picked up the pa.
per which contained an eXposay of the
low, coarse cuss.
What are we coming TO as Il Nation,
when the tireless brains and generous
hearts of our ablest statesmen, jurists
and litterateurs are to be rudely shock
ed and jostled by the unfeelng hand of
the felon?
"A dear little one, with glad smile
and cheruoic form, has been given us
by God" says Mr.. VIM. Duvall, the YER
satile parent, in his letter to me- ale
already shows some little signs OF re-
sembling the wonderful man for whom
we have taken the liberty of naming
him. assure you that you need never
regret that your honored name has been
given to this darling child or your check
in aid OF the Upward Squirt Hose Com
pany, of our place, tickets for whose
Ball incloSe.
Little William will be baptized on
Sunday next, and we would be glad to
know that we have not hurt your feel
Ings or wounded your pride by naming
the child for one whose name has ever
been on our lips, whose every Senti-
ment is most heartily indorsed both by
my wife and myself"
Oh, how glad | am that ! take the
mo hat e. 81
namesakes all over the land will not be
called Dennis. VIII you please see
that my subscription is renewed as soon
as it expires?
/ have not been mascot, or at least
my name has not been TO those who
have used it, and have done everything
| could to discourage its indiScriminate
use.
A beautiful ashes of roses bull, with
pleasing contralto voice and cute little
pedigree covering two pages in the
American Stud Book, was chrstened
after me in Illinois two years ago, and
in less than two weeks his tail had been
crushed in the barn door and rudely
torn out by the roots.
A wabbly Percheron colt in Iowa, of
bright and cheerful disposition, but
socially quite dc trOp, was named Will
liam Nye, and the following day was
found in culvert OF the Milwaukee
and st. Panl Railroad with his witherS
freshly wrung and his mechanism Ooz-
ing through large aperture in his low
er register.
A cigar named for me two years ago
blew up and blew off the nose OF man
who had never had his nose blown be-
fore by scientific means.
| have, in the past two weeks,
bought tickets for the concert of the
Soiled Nosed Children's Aid Society,
the Hook Bill Old Ladies' Patchwork
Quilt Association, the You Know Re-
formatory Distribution for Elderly
Girls, the Little Toughs' Christian En-
deavor Society, the Reformed Choir
Singers Vocal Society, the Disabled
and Ruptured Parents Of Foreign Mis-
sionaries. the Society for the Proven
tion OF Healthful Enjoyment, the Get
There Eli Messenger Boys Relief ASso-
citation, the Pastors Gift Exchange, the
Little Pee Wee Do Good Society, and
WAS just -Olig W DuN eIV WI vi VI tIth-
cts for the Upward Squirt Hose Com
pany and hand over my effulgent name
to Mr.. Duvall when read your valua
bic newspaper this morning.
God bless you, sir, for the good you
are doing. | will agree TO be one Of "A
fearless gang of go men to go and pull
Mr.. Duvall out OF bed and, with the aid
and concurrence of the Senate of the
United States, kick him immoderately
all over his native State.
hope you will go on in your good
work, exposing ShamS and such things
which come under your eye. Your
newspaper should be in every house.
Mr.. Duvall wrote us that he had broken
his leg running for the doctor on the
night that little Bill. Nye Duvall was
born. l believed it. | believe every
thing. Now it turns out that Duvall
never broke his leg or had son.
A plague upon such people, / say.
Darn them,
There. BILL NYE.
Tompkinsyille, 5. l., Dec. "a.