Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1890-04-19
TWO PARROTS.
Af1ecti0nase Johnny Hardy and Unco,
scionable Polly Jordan.

on one side of Mrs. Jordan's house.
Each of the ladies has a parrot. Mrs.
Jordan's parrot is named Polly Jordan
and the other is called Johnny Hardy.
Polly Jordan is the best talker, but
Johnny Hardy has the best disposition.
Johnny viii sit for hours on the shout
der of his mistress, petting her in his
own little way, rubbing her cheek and
neck with his bill, and now and then
touching her softly with his black ton
que. Mrs. Hardy likes to have her
hair fused with, and so he has learned
to pull her hairpins out and push them
back again, only at last to LET her hair
all down. He is great company, for he
talks softly most of the time he is doing
these things. The talk goes as fol-
lows:
Mothers pretty Johnny, mothers
bird. Come kiss me-t-h-s-t-h-s-
come. Shake hands, sweet bird.
Pretty, pretty, pretty. How do you do !?
How doc you doc, Johnny Hardy !?
Mother, scratch my head. Ma-a-a,
scratch my head"
His way of putting sentences together
is sometimes almost startling, for he
will say to stranger:
Hello! How do you do? Got any
thing to eat this morning? Johnny
wants cracker"
Once when the maid. had given him a
piece of bacon, which he liked i'm
mensely, Mrs. Hardy said, why, you
mustn't give him anything so greasy as
that" Johnny cooked his head to one
side, but said nothing till extmorning.
Then when the maid appeared he
shouted:
Hello! Got anything greasy this
morning?"
Mrs. Jordan's bird is not affectionate,
but it is very smart It learns all sorts
of speeches, good and bad, and es-
pecially bad. The reason is that Mrs.
Jordan has a son of about Is who
teaches every bit of slang he picks up
on the street to Polly. So it is very
amusing to hear Polly talk, and some
times rather shocking. One day a
maiden lady called on Mrs. Jordan and
in little mincing way said to Polly:
Pretty Polly. Why, Polly, Polly
want a."
ooh, for Gods sake, don't say Polly
want a cracker" broke in the bird.
That ended the conversation. Polly
was shut up in dark closet, as she al
ways is when she is naughty. But it
didn't seem to do any good, for, just as
the closet door was shut, she said, as
the boy had taught her to do under
such circumstances:
"Ha-ha-ha-ha. Don't you think you're
smart? Oh, my-y-yp
In a minute more his muffied voice
was heard from within saying:
Come off! oh, come off" and then,
in a perfect scream, Come o-o-o-off!"
They took him out of the closet, and
he said:
Pretty POllyl Loves his mother
loves his mother-oh-h-h-hi"
Johnny Hardy and Polly Jordan used
in warm weather to be set out on win
dow sill a number of years ago and then
the neighbors had fun. A dialogue was
kept up by the birds somewhat in this
style:
Hello, Johnny Hardy"
"Good morning"
Had a bath this morning?"
SCOT anything to eat?"
johnny wants cracker"
"Oh, my"
Shut up"
Shake hands"
don't you think you're smart, Johnny
Hardy?"
Scratch my head"
$50 long"
Mothers pretty bird"
"Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-
hal
It always put the whole neighbor-
hood in roar. But one day naughty
Polly Jordan put an end to this sort of
fun. The minister of the church that
stood next door was a man of strict
Calvinistic views, of loud voice, of forci-
BILE manner, and was withal thoroughly
in earnest in his faith. On a certain
Sunday morning, which the neighbors
will not forget, Mrs. Jordan hung
Polly out and went away to her own
church, further down town. Polly be-
haved very well until the text was
given out in the church. 1t was warm
day and the windows were all open, so
the emphatic voice of the minister was
plainly heard as he said:
"My text, this morning, is as follows:
There is lake that burneth with fire
and birthstone, and all liars shall have
their part therein
"Get on to that, Johnny Hardyp
shouted the parrot at that instant.
A sermon of the most rigorous char
acter followed, any Polly, with what
seemed to be almost devilish instinct,
kept up run of comment:
go for 'em! Give 'em fits! You're
a dandy Hit 'em agin! Ha-ha-ha-a-al
Knock the stufin' out'n 'em! Ra-a-ts
Whoopl What's the matter with Han
nah? T-i-imel Still in the ringI Go
soak your headI"
What with the cries of the children
who gathered from the shanties that
were then to be found not far away, the
voice of the speaker and the pounding
on the pulpit, Polly got into frenzy of
excitement It ended only when the
sermon was done and the preacher said
Let us pray"
Mrs. Jordan's maid was coming ND
the steps. She had been to church,
and was fairly gasping with horror at
the tumult in the street. She reached
for the cage. but Polly, as she heard
the words It ,ok M nTavO scraamod 90 a