The Irish standard., 1890-01-04
WIVES n b BAC H EI OBS.
How a Washington Matrimonial
Bureau Is Conducted.

A Lovers Agency That Supplies Needed
" Assistance to Cupid and Puts Unmar-
ried Men in Danger--The System
Fully Explained.
81 presume, sir, that your intentions
are perfectly honorable said the red
nosed man behind the big desk. ''This 3:
bureau regards it as a part OF Its.
business to protect its innocent and
trustful female customers from falling
prey to the wiles of constituencies de-
ceivers, whose pretensions to real man
hood are exclusively expressed by pair
Of pantaloons apiece"
The red-nosed man scowled virtuous-
ly as he uttered these words, and the
Washington Star reporter noticed that
the same formula precisely was repro
duced at the bottom Of the printed Cir
cular that had just been handed to him.
81 am tired of being bachelor" he
replied, simply, 'sand I have understood
from your advertisement that your low
ers' agency is prepared to furnish wives
to order.''
"You are talking business. We have
many very beautiful and accomplished
young ladies at present on our books
short and tall, plump and thin, blonde
and brunette-all blessings waiting to
be appropriated by the lucky fellows"
''And you will introduce me to some
of them?"
emo, sir. That is not our way. The
first thing necessary for you to do is to
become a member of the Order of the
Golden Circlet,' of which I am president
and treasurer. The entrance fee, pay
able in advance, is five dollars. BY the
paymentof thatsum you are admitted to
the order without initiation or further
formality. At the same time, however,
you are required to fill out one Of these
blanks, giving q, full description of
yourself, including age, height, weight,
color of hair, eyes and complexion, ma
tionality, education, disposition, habits
as to liquor and tobacco, and financial
standing. You give me a photograph
and give you number, for corre-
spondence between male and female
members of the order is effected entire
ly through the medium of numbers, and
this is the general post-office.'
land presume you will let me see
some Of the young women's photo
graphs?'' .
ssBy no means. We take as few
chances as possible of revealing their
identity, for their negotiations with us
are conducted in the strictest conf
dence."
sis the young bachelor expected to go
it blind, then, and select his bride after
the oriental fashion, without seeing her
beforehand"
sCertainly not; and if you will give
me an opportunity will make it clear
to you. When you have had your name
entered in my private membership
books, which are open to no one but
myself, l will show you a number, of
blanks filled in with the descriptions
full of as many young ladies. Here is
one for an example: r
Miss -, No. 26.
Age. ~.
Height. feet inches.
C W@lgae Eli pden With blue eyes,
Education. ........ High school.
Disposition ....... .Auiable.
N B.-Plump and saucy, clear kin and good
figure; says she knows how to cook and keep
house; father wholesale grocery clerk.
s'The N. B. is added by myself" ex-
planned the red-nosed man. cot course,
the name and address of the young lady
are inscribed in my secret books, OPP
posite the number 26, SO that alone
know who she is. 1 may show you
twenty such descriptive blanks, each
representing a female member Of the
order, and, if you select from among
them No. 26, say, as the one appearing
to satisfy your notions Of loneliness
best, place you in communication with
her at once. You write a pretty little
note to the fair unknown and leave it
with me; I place it in pigeonhole No.
26, and when she comes in she gets it.
A reply penned by her goes into your
box, and SO the correspondence pro-
crosses until photographs are exchanged
and, very likely, an appointment made
for meeting somewhere"
$50 you don't have them meet here?'
Scarcely. I can not turn my office
into trysting-place for lovers, and
then. too, it would mako things less
private. The counting must be done
outside. 1t is not likely that the first
young woman you are made acquainted
with will prove to be tbs one sought;
but sooner or later you are certain to
discover your affinity lady who du-
plicates your mental, moral and physical
charaoteristics-ln short, the wife you
have been looking for. Perhaps should
mention now that upon marriage you
are expected to pay $1b additional into
the treasury of the order.
stIt is rather hard to tell much about
girls character and disposition on Or
binary acquaintance, sighed the re-
porter, low-spiritedly.
'sNot at all" said the red-nosed man.
ssStudy her from the point of view Of
the physiognomist and the problem is
readily solved. Remember that the
forehead is the seat Of intellect, the
mouth is the index of the affections,
the eyes are the mirrors of the soul, the
nose is the measure of activity and
ability. love is expressed in the chin