Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-03-31

A girl who has golden hair need not
have it plated.
Times are getting better. Even snow
banks do not come as high as they used
to.
Among the curiosities of collection in
Europe is a lot of old boots and shoes
''once worn by crowned heads"
John Root of Connecticut has just paid
an outlawed debt of 40 years standing. A
square Root and no mistake.
Small boy (across his mothers knee,
to whom she is applying her slipper
Hold on, mother; Don't strike-let's ar
Mrs. Cannon, wife of the Illinois con-
gresham, is an expert seamstress. A
sort of needle gun as it were, is Mrs Can
non.
Miss Hysee-I was encored three times
wasn't /? Madam Logee-Yes, the COM
pany seemed to recognize that you need
ed practice.
In America every man has a right to
his own opinion, but nobody who has an
opinion seems to recognize that right ex-
cept hemself
People are always agitated, remarks
the Baltimore American, at the approach
of cyclone, and yet it is a sort of trouble
that soon blows over.
Mrs. Younger-I can't understand how
women marry the second time. Miss
Arabella Winters-I can't understand how
they marry the first time.
Customer is vegetable soup,I Or
dered chicken. Waiter examining the
soup.) OATS so, SIR; my mistake, 1
taught dem celery tops was feathers.
Bridget-Enjoy Shape, is it? How could
1? The mint lay down I'm aslape, an
the mint I'm awake have to get up.
Where's the time for enjoying it?
Wife-Why were you so long at the
front door last night, John? Why didn't
you sing out? Husband-That was just
the trouble. L couldn't strike the key
The chief industry out West at present
seems to be that of gathering on the bor- |
ders of an Indian reservation and waiting
for the word ''go" from the president.
If a woman would believe less of what
a man tells her before marriage, and more
of what he tells her afterward, the we'd
ded state would be a much more harmoni-
Gus affair.
Mrs. Wickwire-Of course have my
faults and failings, but you should be the
last man to find them out. Mr. Wickwire
We'll, 1 suppose 1 am; but it is too late
for the knowledge to be of any use to
me.
Smith-You show great deal of boy
ish enthusiasm over your coming trip to
Europe. Why, you've crossed several
times before, haven't you? Robinson
Yes, but this is my first trip without my
wife.
Doctor We'll, my fine little fellow you
have got quite we'll again! / was sure
that the pills left for you would cure
you. How did you take them, in water
or in cake? "0h, l used them in my ]
blow-gun."
In IA Breach of Promise Case. The
court "What is your age, madam" The
You must" The plaintiff: ''Why, Judge,
| thought people didn't have to testify {
against themselves =
LADY, want to sit for a picture. Ar l
.ist-I shall be very glad to paint you if +
TOu will wait a week, until l finish the
1ne am ut work on now. Lady-Oh, my!
couldn't wait that long. Why, prom q
sed to be home at five O'Clock. S
Miss kennelworth-He's a very pretty a
,oIlie, but don't see why he wags his I
all up and down instead of sidewise- {
Mrs Morris Parke-The poor thing has l.
always lived with US in our Harlem fiat, :
Ind that's the only way he could wag it.
II wish to say to the congregation
aid the minister, ''that the pulpit is not
for the error of the printer on p
he tickets for the concert in the Sunday p
chool room. The concert is for the ben u
INT of the Arch Fund.- not the Arch f
1iend.'"