Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1890-06-18
JOHN ALIENS VICTORY.
A Bat Cose Made Good by PrOfoun'
On Mon from the Classics.

A Bal Cose Made Good by Profound
OPP Mon frou, the Classics.
"Private John Allen" of Mississippi,
who became the wit of the House of
Representative with the death of Sun
set Cox. tells good story on himself Of
how he came to be a profound lawyer.
A party Of members were telling yarns
in the cloak room of the House. and
when Aliens turn came he told this one:
II want to tell you of the greatest
legal victory of my life," said Allen, as
he lighted a cigar and propped his feet
against the wall in true Southern style.
at was down in Tupelo, during the try
ing period just after the war. / was at
that time practicing lawyer-that is, |
practiced whenever I had any cases to
practice with. One day old Uncle
Pompev. one of the old negroes of the
settlement, came into my office and said:
"'Mars John. / wants you to clar me.
Use gwine to be rested for stealth Of
two hams out'en de cross road store. :"
"'Well, Pompey,' l asked, did you
steal the hams?'"
"'Mars John, just took 'em.'
"tDid any one see you?' | asked.
"'Yar, Boss, said the old negro, dis
consolately, two old white buckra's.'
"'Well, Pompey, replied, 4 can't
do any thing for you under the circum-
stances.
CHOW, Mars John, said old Pompey,
here's ten dollars. l jist want you to
try
well, | consented to try" said Allen.
"The case was to be heard before an old
I magistrate named Johnson. He was
totally uneducated, and was moreover a
perfect dictator, and no negro never
came before him who was not fined the
maximum penalty and sent to his field
to expiate the crime in the sweat of his
brow.
1.-The magistrate heard the case.
Every possible proof was brought to
show that Pompey stole the hams
; There could be no doubt of it from the
testimony. l did not put single ques-
ton to any of the witnesses, but when
the testimony was all in 1 arose, and in
my most dignified manner addressed the
magistrate:
"'May it please 20 ur Honor, it would
be useless for me to argue the position
adorn the Superior if not the Supreme
| Court bench of this grand old Common
wealth. And l may say that those who
know you best say that you would grace
even the Supreme Court of the United
| States, the highest tribunal in the land.
| 1t will be useless to dwell upon the ties.
timony. You have heard it, and know
the case as we'll as / do. However, it
| may not be out of order for me to call
| your Honor's attention to a short pas
sage in the old English law, which
clearly decides this case, and whNn, :of
the moment, your Honor may have for
| gotten
| ''Then 1 fshed down into my pocket
and drew forth, with great flourish, an
| old copy of Julius Cesar 1 opened it
with great dignity to the first page and
read the line which is familiar to every
! school boy: 'Omnia GoHia IN parties tres
daoisa est That decides the case, said
l. throwing the book upon the table.
That clearly acquits the defendant
with great dignity and solemnity
then took my seat. The old magistrate
was completely nonplussed. He looked
at me moment quizzically and
scratched his head. Then turning to
Pompey, he raised himself to his full
height ard said:
"'Pompey. I know you stole them
hams, but by the ingenuity of your law
yer Eve got to let you go. Git out,
said he. as he planted his No. 9 in the
! seat of Pompey's pants, and if you ever
come here again, lawyer or no lawyer,
you git six months. ATLANTA Consti
+,t