Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1890-07-10

Mamma-Good by, dearie; what shall
buy for my little girll
Helcn-Some bunions, please, so can
tell when the weather is goin' to change.
Il Harper's Young People.
STOLEN SWEETS.
Cobwigger-Your son doesn't smoke
rs much as he used to.
Brown-Not since l told him l would
allow him to smoke Epoch.
REPARTEE.
"Ah, Rose, in Squeezing thee
A pin my hand hath torn
'You might have known said she,
"All roses have their thorn"
ANOTHER BOY CAUGHT.
George, dear, are you a member OF
the Union2n asked Hortense, as they sat
side by side upon the long suffering
sofa.
George was plumber, and conse
quently could not tell lie. ''No, dar
ling, am not, " he said.
swell, you ought to make application
for membership at once. !" said Hortense,
with meaning look. And George took
the hint, and now Hortense goes around
wearing only ons glove, the better to
display the beauty of the stone New
York Herald.
CALIFORNIA MARvELs.
Easterner-I see it stated that Tulare
Lake, in California, has increased miles
in width and length this year.
Californian Shouldn't wonder. Cali
fornia is growing right along. Il New
York Weekly.
NOTHING TO BRAG OF.
First Little Girl (proudly)-We are
goin' to Europe this summer.
Second Little Girl (contemptuously)-
Poohl We shust game from dere. Il New
York Weekly.
MARRIAGE MADE HER FEEL OLD.
Young Husband WHAT You are
twenty five years old today Why, you
told me a'year ago, just before the we'd
ding, that you were only twenty.
Young Wife (wearily)-Ah, yes, have
aged rapidly since / married.
THE ENTERPRIsTNo OFFICE BOY.
Irate Citizen Ito Office boy)-I want to
see the editor.
Office Boy What do you want with
him9
Irate Citizen-I want to thump the
clothes off of him.
Office Boy-Oh, do you9 All right
give me your name, age, ETC., and 90
cents.
Irate Citizen What's that forl
Office Boy-That's the price of death
notices; half the regular rates, you know.
Il Boston Traveller.
HER FUTURE PLANS.
Bride (after the ceremony)-How stu
pidly our escorts acted
Bridegroom-Yes; the groomsmen and
bridesmaids were all very awkward.
Bride (decidedly)-I shall never invite
one Of them to a wedding of mine again.
-IChicago Times.
BEATING THE MACHINE.
'sThat boy who Just dropped a bad
nickel in the slot reminds me Of the Arab
who folded his tent"
Chow was thatl"
''He silently stole weigh. - Mum
sey's.
BURGLARS ARE NOT NOISY.
Mrs. Nerfus-rm sure | heard noise
downstairs. There must be burglars in
the housed
Mr.. Nerfus-Nonsense Why should
burglars wish TO make noisei
HE KNEW HIMSELF.
81 don't think you give yourself credit
for the merits you really possess, said a
young woman to Willie Washington. u
have been told that you are quite hard
thinker
"Ya-a-s,n said Willie, " it has stwuck
me that | think with a gweat deal of
difficulty. VI Washington Post.
DISCRETION.
nc has fought the grizzly bear
Rraved the lion in his lair
His heroic reputation every land and ma
IlO0 kuOHos
But sooner, he declares,
Would he walk around six squares
Than try to pass woman when she's
sprinkling with hose.
Binghamton Republican.
TIRED OF WALKING.
Railroad Superintendent forbid
dingly)--Well, sir, what do you wantl
Tramp-Pardon my Intrusion, but !
s'pose you observed that 'cordin' to the |
Supreme Court a man who
is injured while ridin' on apass can't col |
lect damages.
Superintendent much interested)-I
noticed that.
Tramp-Yes, sir. Well, there OFT ter
be the same here; an ef You'll jist give
me an annual pass, I'll ride back an forth
until I git hurt, an then well make a
test case Of it'll New York Weekly.
FINE MANNERS.
Teacher-what is the most polite
thing You know OF, Johnniel
r,b.r;c should saw hrook trout /