The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-03-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Misers ought to be large buyers of chest
protectors.
Wicked sinners are direct tax on the
truly good.-Picayune.
Kind words are like bald heads, they
can never dye.-Sytings.
The sick man wants a constitutional
amendment Merchant Trareler.
If you should happen to want your ears
pierced, just pinch tse baby.-7eras
Sytings.
The family stovepipe was never meant
for pipe Of peace.-Binqhamton Re-
publican.
Married life is not all thorns. You
strike nettle once in a whilc.-Phila-
delphia Inquirer.
Evergreen trees are the dudes of the
forest. They make the sprucest boughs.
Rome Sentinel.
"What is a laundry, motherl" at is
a place, my child, where your father
sends his shirts to be torn into ribbons"
Boston Gazette.
''Is it a crime to be woman?" said
the pretty agitator "If it is, it's very
capital crime, rejoined gallant audi
tor.-Nunsey's Weekly.
Jimpson-"Did you ever have suit
brought against youa" Jampson-"No;
but I've had many bill for suit brought
against me. ."-Laprence American.
Incorrigible.- did you and
Smith talk about?" "About fifteen
minutes" az mean, what did you talk
overl" "The telephone" = Ha1per's
Bazdr.
A lecturer is out with the subject,
"The Coming Man and What We Owe
Him." The coming man is the collector,
and he is after what people owe him.
Picayune.
Allow is your grandfather COM
ing out1" B.-''My grandfather He
has been dead over year and half"
A.-"Ah, that explains why see him
SO seldom of late. ."-Terds SJtings.
! In the summer, it is pleasant
Meath the moonlight pale, to stroll;
Now it strikes me would rather
Stay in doors, and kisses gather
While eve burn her fathers coal
-KeGrneu Enterprise.
Young Mrs. Newbride never told but
one of her feminine acquaintance that
she returned the skinner Indignantly to
the store from which it was ordered be-
cause when it came she found that it was
full of holes.-Somerpill Journal.
George-"The ring doesn't seem to
fit very well, Clara. Hadn't l better
take it back and have it made smaller"
Clara-"No, George; an engagement
ring is an engagement ring, even if
have to wear it around my neck. -
Judge.
'Lizzie, " remarked Sir Walter Raleigh
to the Queen, "wherein do a mans sins
resemble a bill collector9" SIN good
truth know not" replied her Majesty.
"Wherein do theyl" SIN their pro-
pensity for finding him out" quoth Sir
Walter. -Aunsey'S Weekly.
"Master Charlie, you are to go home at
once. If you stay out a moment longer
you will be punished" 'Was it nom
or pop who said l should be punished"
"Your mamma" ''I'n be home in an
hour or so. A fellow can take care Of
himself, guess, when he's ten. ."--Phila-
delphia Society.
Gentleman (to young lady from Rich
mond, on the cars)-"Beg pardon, but
am physician. Your companion is
very pale. Is she seriously alieeted3"
Young Lady-"Painfully so, assure
you" "Ananeurism, perhapsl" "No;
l think his name is Arthur Jones. -
Richmond Recorder.
A correspondent writes to ask
conundrum. He says "What is the
difference between pair of suspenders
and a bread knife9" We give up the
conundrum and recommend that, if the
correspondent really wishes to learn the
difference, he essay to cut bread with a
pair of suspenders and try to keep his
trousers up with bread knife.-Amsriea.