, 1890-09-18
liabilities of a Democratic
Victory in Idaho.
BEAUTIES OF THE PLATFORM
Zion to the Rescue of the Inter
rifed-The Old Pilgrim
Rejoices.

dimycratic triumph! The birds of
Joy air slnin' in my hart, and halle
lujas air on my lips! The gods air
propishus, and / think dimycracy
will gain victory in Idaho!
Hev you seen our platform of
principles? II Is the finest specimen
of artful dodgin' ever put on paper
by mortal man! In its beautiful
windln' way and resoundin' periods,
which mean nothin' in partickular
but air aimed to ketch the rabble
vote, 1t covers neerly everythin'
from the creashun down. Like the
lovly bird they call the kameleon,
1t changes its hues in every burnin'
line, and adaps itself to the various
tastes and iancies of the voter.
Emmy man, no matter what bis
politickal kreed, kin find fightin'
ground to stand on In our Protcan
platform. 1T Is marvel of ingen-
BUSINESS! Fur the gold-bug In Idaho
it hez a claus favorin' the Mills bill,
which as everybody knows is averso
to silver and favurs free led. This
deliteful plank about the Mills bill
will ketch sum of the 1nglish people
here who believe In free trade.
Then we denounced the Nc
Kinley bill which, hez in 1t a clause
putin up the duty on led rs the
dimycratic party with CRATE unani-
nifty put down to years ago, and to
ketch the minin' vote we are par
tickeler to put In plank sayin' we
favur the proteckshun of led!
We may safely challenge tho
reckords OF by-gone ages to beet this
fur cleer-cut unadulterated gall! As
the two planks air at quite a dis
tance apart In the grand foundashun
of Idaho dimocracy and menny Of
the people OF Idaho can't reed very
well, their educashun. like mine,
heving bin sumwhat neglected,
they air not likely to see this ap-
parent Inconsistency and Will vote
Ter straight any way! We count no
little on the general stupidity OF
voters.
We thank the nashuual dimy-
Idaho into the union of states. !.
Crate Scott! but that IL a hard pill
fur the dimycrats, even, to swaller.
Thee dimocracy air pritty tuff and
hcv swallered menny nasty doses In
THAR day, but this at furst seemed n
little too strong! Howsunlever,
now that they afr Citing mite
used to 1t, our speakers find that
they take it with u grim relish. We
exp!ane, of course, that when Vance,
leadin' dimycrat i'll congress,
called Idaho n "rotten burrow,'
and sed it wuz filed up with des.
peradoes, ignorant miners and brutal
cowboys, he wuz jokin'. 1t wuz his
peculyar way of sayin' that Idaho
wuz bully gud kentry. And that
when every dimycrat in congress
refused to vote Tor ldaho's ad-
mlshun, it wuz dun meerly for po.
litickal effect They all wanted her
in. Thairfore, we shud be thank
ful to the nushunal dimocracy fur
the boon of statehood.
But our cute skeem on the Nor
mon racket takes the dilapidated
linen from the shubbery. 1t wuz
arranged in order to give color to
the statement that dimocracy and
Mormuuism wuz at the outs, that
Bear Lake county shud send up
two sets of delegates, Mormun and
anti-Mormun, aud that the Nor
nuns shud be promptly kicked out.
This brite move wuz Matched up by
that old and tride veteran Ainslle,
Jim Hawley, Steve Pliable and my
self, aided no littel by gud NOR.
nun bishop who shell he nameless,
Accordingly, Jones and Rich wuH
selected to be scapegoats. On their
beds the democracy of Idaho wuz
to lay hands throush THAR priests of
the new dimycratic dispensashun,
such men as keid and sum others OF
the new lites, coniessin, THAR sins in
fellowshippin' with the polygs and
pledgin the party not to polyg emmy
more. Then these goats wuz to De
turned loose into the politckal wilder
ness, not to starve and die, but ~ be
follered, comforted and stayed, by
dimycratic tlagons of gud whiskey
and uther refreshments. All this
wud make dimycrats solid with the
enemies of Zion, while Zion herself,
In sly way, wud he solid with
dimycracy, and wud vote as menny
of her sons as she cud without ex-
ctin suspishun fur the dimycrat
ticket. This wuz move OH the
politickal chess board worthy of a
Tallerand. But ii cum ueer mis-
carrying through the impenetrable
stupidity of the members of the con-
venshun and the intolerable bull
heddishness of the goats! When
the goats cum into the convenshun,
led by SIGH mcn as Wawley and
Ainslie, the old mossbacks among
the party who did MT seem to ketch
on to the hoodwlnkin, skeem lifted
up THAR voices to welcom the
wanderers. Sum even fell on the
necks of the goats and wept teers OF
10y, and sum even went so fur rs to
propose sacrificln' the entire dimy'
cratic calf to make feest in honor
of the occashun! And the stupid
goats, when they seed the universe.
rejoicin' in the diinycratic camp
over their arrival, forgot the deeT
laid skeem and insisted on being
taken into the fold! Itell you, Mistul
E,ditur, II wuz a critickal period
The situashun wuz most elnburrass
In. The goats bucked and refused
to be kicked out accordin' to the
program, and the foolish committed
on credenshals insisted on keepin
them in out of the wilderness. II
tuck our whole force neerly two
days to beet emmy kind of sense into
the thick skulls of the credensha
committee. But at last by dint o
sheer force, we got the priests TO lay
hands on the goats and turned then
| out hut IL cum peer proyin, disas