Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1890-01-30
BAD DREAMS DRIVEN AWAY.
The Remedy is simple Cross Your Legs on
Going to Bed.


Going to Bed,
what with mosquitoes and bad
dreams, ! get no peace Of nights,
sighed the heavy-eyed, dyspeptic-look-
ing clubman to group OF congenlal
spirits, as they tairied over a MD
night repast few evenings ago ut
doesn't make a particle Of difference
what have tossed off before seeking
my couch, Whether it be devile1 crab
or buttered toast, whisky cocktail or
Schuylkill bacteria, night Of unrest
Is sure to follow My eyes no sooner
close than horde of tiresome spirits
begin to dance through my brain, the
old-time villain still pursues me, and
everybody ] ever knew, together with
myriads that | never want to know, be-
gin to chatter a foolish jargon that has
no cessation till the morning breaks
and the rising bell rings. I'd give
mint of money TO the doctor who would
give me the prescription for night OF
solid dreamless smmber
"Why don't you try Mother Mahila-
bells soothing syrup suggested
sympathetic friend
cor dose of arsenicP" murmured a
facetious one.
Gross yourself thrice before retiring,
turn Yourself about on your left heel
IN front of the mirror seven times and
step into bed backward came from "A
man who never sat thirteen at a table
nor looked at the moon over his right
shoulder, land I'll warrant you'll never
see sight nor hear a sound the live
long night.
"lf you recline on your back or your
stomach Of course YOU will see all the
terrors Of the inferno vouchsafed a
young medical student; "Lie on your
side, with your head upon a low, hard
pillow. and you will sleep dreamessly
till doomsday breakfast time.
There was "A little pause, broken only
by a sigh from the man Of dreams. He
evidently had no faith in any of these
specifics. But another voice now spoke
up. cold man, be SO good rs to try
my method and promise you'll never
want TO try another. No quuckery or
mummery about it, no potion or lotion
either; no explanation, for that matter,
yet it's a sure cure every time. ! used
TO be feartully harrassed with visions.
My nights were made hidc0us, but
there came a sudden change, | awOke
one morning supremacy happy in the
thought that for the first time in years
! had slept for eight hours in perfect
peace aud forgetfuness, with not a
dream nor nightmare TO mar my
delight wondered what was the
cause and at length discovered that |
had been sleeping cross legged,
tried it again the next night, and again
aud again, and viii YOU believe it, my
friend from that day to this, save once
only, hive never had anything worse
than day dreams. The reason is that |
never close my eyes without previously
adjusting my legs at right angles, aud
keeping them poised in this tailor fash
ion the night through. One night,
however, | was SO tired that ! forgot
the usual arrangement, The horrible
creatures that pcopled my mind that
night will live with me TO my dying
day
The dream-bound banqueler looked
inGrcduluusly, and heavrd another
sigh. He asked question or two rs to
the angle of the leg crossing and its
tendency to lumbago and then re-
lapscd into silence.
Yesterday, however, he met his
friend aud advisor on Chestnut street
and greeted him uproariously. "Nota
dream nor vision he cried; mot a
sprite nor gnome, not friend nor Il
foe, but Il night of perfect sweet OBJ
liyion. tied my legs in u double bow
knot and every blasted dream took
hight Now, tell me how to Danish
mosquitoes, too, aud, 10y George, tho
world is yours. W. Philadephia Record.