The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1890-03-20
CULTURE OUT WEST.
A Landlord Who Was an Authority o
High-Toned Terms.


High-TOned Terms
Eighty-six miles beyond Denver, the
year before the first railroad went
through, four of us San Francisco pas.
sengers on the overland stage alighted
in front of the Occidental Hotel' fbuilt
OF logs). With pants resolutely tucked
in his boots, and determinedly fastened
to his waist with a belt in which was a
vehement revolver; check sairt and
slouch hat, POLITICALLY on one ear, the
affable host came out, kicking a hound
off the step to receive us. His size COM
manded respect.
Gentlemen" said he, as ne snook
hands with each of US, 'allow me to
welcome you to this hospitable hostelry.
The bridge is gone at the river below
and you can't get over till it is fixed
some time tomorrow. You will abide
with me and with you, and you bet well
share and share alike in all we've got if
we have to cut punkin. We are far
out but you shan't find us way off. Step
right up this port cochere (slab plat
form) and don't stop to use the scraper;
follow me through this portal (slab
door, to which the latch-string is never
out of fix, unless it happens to be drawn
in; step right up to this ornate counter
(board on two barrels) and place your
royal names upon this accommodating
register Ia medical memorandum book
while call our caterers attention (Sal
get grub for four on ditD
''Now, me lords, please step out into
the lavatory (the whole wide world) and
proceed to perform your ablutions in
uncontaminated water dipped from the
creek in vessels of the purest plated
ware tin basins), and there are the
frescoed napkins (pieces of former table,
cloth) on the rack wooden plug). Now
please walk in. There is the mirror
northeast corner of small looking-glass)
and comb (too shy to show it's teeth).
''Sit up here by the register, friends
(stove clear out OF doors), for the even
ing zephyrs are chilly, and take the
frost out of your feet. But first, gents,
stroll into the bar-room (dry goods box)
and take a supper invigorator (mountain
avalanche). What, water? Gum, it IL
take all the taste out!
''The gong (spoon raped on crock)
sounds; your rejection is ready; come
over into the dining-room southeast
corner of room) and take chairs Sawed
off logs) at the table de hote 1.-TWO slabs
on trestles). Excuse our menu, it is not
printed yet, but you see before you the
bill of fare told bacon, corn bread, hom.
my, mackerel and chicory coffee), the
terrapin and oysters haven't got here to
be in season yet No toasts, gentlemen,
are permitted at the table; you must
adjourn to the bar for them and the
speeches. Gents, don't be sparing with
the napkins (our handkerchiefs), they
seem to be plentiful
Later on as we were tired we intima.
ted desire to retire early. Said the
landlord: ''Wait till light the chande-
lier (tallow candle in block of wood). |
as the gas is all out. Now come up the |
elevator Qadder in the corner:) don't |
stumble and fall up stairs. Select your |
own rooms, gentlemen, (beds all in one
room, divided by chalk marks,l and
don't overbalanee yourselves and fall |
against the partitions or you'll disturb
your neighbor. Repair to your downy
couches (straw ticks on planks;) Just
manipulate this electric annunciator on
the floor "a hickary club or telephone
down the shaft trap door) if you want
any thing, but don't make misstep and
tumble down with the message. Good
night"
The next morning We found the land
lord was a great reader of high-toned,
low-priced novels and had got on to the
swing.
At eight o'clock we got off with our
lives.-Detroit Free Press.