Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1890-04-12
PLEASANTRIES.

MANY an old fame has caused run
away match.
IT takes pretty sharp remark to cut
a slow man to the quick.
LANDLORDS dislike to rent their houses
to chess players; it takes them so long
to move.
&HE collapse of real estate boom
only means that the wind has been taken
out of the sales.
every drop bran'y 1 drank paid
duty, midear." well, what of it?"
"Then, midear, amt a (hic) duty-full
husband?'
SOMEBODY says True happiness is
found in pursuing something, not in
catching it." The man who pursues the
last car at night knows better.
DIVES Education is necessary, Jack,
if you ever expect to shine in the world.
Dives, Jr. (stolidly)-I don't want to
shine, father. I'd rather sell papers.
My dear Lucy, whatever has made a
pudgy person like you take to tight
lacing?" I'm just engaged to Frank,
you know. and he has the shortest arms
you ever saw"
TEACHER Ito dull boy of the class
Which New England State has two
capitals? Boy - New Hampshire.
Teacher--Indeed! Name them? Boy
Capital n and capital H.
A MOTHER (to her bad boy MASTER
Tom, stand in the corner. Master Tom
-Wot fur? His Mother - Because
you're bad boy. Master Tom-Can't
| be bad boy standin' here just as
we'll?
Mrs. JAGGs (suspiciously) Your
eyes are watery and terribly infamed
Mr.. Jaggs with an injured air)-Well,
next time you give me a Bible for a
birthday present, don't select one with
such fine print.
AN attorney, on being called to &C
count for having acted unprofessionaly,
in taking less than the usual fees from
his client, pleaded that he had taken
all the man had. He was thereupon
honorably acquitted.
GHOST (at seance)-Do you recog-
nize me? Mrs. Topper (confdentially)
Yes; you are my late husband, John
Topper. Ghost (surprised)-How do
you know me? Mrs. Topper (irmly)--
I smelt your breath, John.
The sphere of woman is certainly ex-
tending" said Mrs Washington to her
husband. Every once in a while some
woman goes into the lecture field.
"Yes," said her husband, YEARLY,
every married man knows that"
ANOTHER HOT INCIDENT,
The sermon was drsadfully fat,
And the people much angered thereat.
When a man of detection
Essayed Il collection.
They mobbed the sad msn with the hat
st. Paul Nelts.
KITCHEN BRooM-Hair Brush, will
you allow me to present my friend,
Stove Pipe? Hair Brush No, thanks
he doesn't carry himself straight enough
to suit me. Stove Pipe (scornfully)-
For thing that wears bristles, you are
very fastidious.
HE-Does your father look favorably
IN my suit, my darling? She (practi-
cally) - No, AIgernon, he does not
(Algernon starts up Stay Algernon,
stay He is a gross and grovelling
tailor, and he says your suit fits you
like a horse collar fits terrier pup.
Miss MINNIE-Mr. Figg, you really
must buy ticket for OR ball. 1t is fol
the benefit of q poor, starving dress
maker. Figg-But is she really desery'
Ing, do you thing? Miss Minnie
know she is. She has done lots of work
for the girls of our set, and always lei
US set our own price.
"WoMAN, we are taught" said the
preacher, "was, in the beginning
formed from rib Of man" Eyes,
musingly assented Hisnobbs, who sat'ir
one of tine rear pews, "and metaphoric
ally speaking, she has been more or les
bone of contention among men eve
since"
DocToR-My good fellow, ] SHOULD
strongly urge you to have your children
properly vaccinated. Shoemaker -
Vaccination be blowed See ere, doc
tor, my brother Cornelius 'ad all hi
children waccinated in hearty youth
Wots the result? One of ems hidiot
an anuther fell last week from a apple