Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1890-12-10

at it because it is said TO be his only pho
tograph in uniform. But few are awed |
by it. Many hundred go away appar-
emily pleased about something. II ]
were Gen. Harrison would buy it at an |
early date and conceal it. ! would not
mind the price.
8. @. g., Dallas, Tex, writes: 81 see
that you are advertised to lecture in sew
eral Texas cities this season. Is it true
that you are to be here this season.
No, it is not true; at least, / think not
After the reunion and camp fire of the
men who think they are managing me
Of course can tell better. One man es-
pecially is quite obnoxious to me in this
way He makes engagements for me
and then consults me about it afterward.
He made triumphal tour for me again
this year before saying anything to me
about it, and when refused to go he
wrote the committees that was danger
ously i'll. The letters are now coming
in on every mail inquiring about it.
This party has every year asked me if he
might join the joyful multitude of men
who manage me, but have annually re-
quested him to let my affairs alone. He
does not seem to be able to control him.
self, however: so this year he planned
preliminary farewell tour and contracted
with quite number of cities.
Then he came blithely to me and asked
me to throw up my other engagements
and go. hate TO have these misunder-
standings, and would rather follow my
manager to his grave" than see him act
that way.
Mastodon, South Brooklyn, asks: .'Can
You not say a word against the dark
closets and clothes presses which infest
this country? They make me very hot
sometimes. Oh! will you not throw
light on the darkcloset cannot think
of anything more poignant than of
nervous man in dark closet trying to
find the key to the wine cellar in his
wife's other dress, when he fears every
moment that she will return and dis
cover him."
Yes, the unlighted and i'll ventilated
clothes closet Is a most disagreeable
feature of our modern civilization, and
feel ike rising as one man to protest
against it. 1t is not healthful 1t is not
convenient 1t is not nice
A friend of mine the other day was
called hurriedly west His wife packed
his grip for him, and hastily throwing
his overcoat over his arm he jumped into
a close carriage and Lit ont. As the train
sailed out of the depot friend on board
said:
"Going to Chicago"
YES"
Expect to go out good deal there, /
presumed"
s'Oh, no. Going on business"
"Ah! thought you would probably
mingle in the giddy whirl good deal
whilst there"
"why?'
"Wen. l see you have your dress suit
on your arm"
Sure enough, he had thought he had
his satin lined overcoat over his arm,
and was on his way to Chicago with a
dress suit instead. 1t was v case of dark
| closet. | dislike this ms ieation. and
hope the day is not far distan. when air
and light will be admitted to the clothes
closets of this country, so that poor,
weak man will not find himself in church
at evening service wearing his wife's
crocheted petticoat around his neck,
because it is annoying to those who are
sensitive to ridicule.
Eltingville, Staten Island, asks who
was the author of the popular poem
entitled my Dads Undershirt.n
The poem was written by Willis B.
Hawkins, then on The Chicago News.
The Chicago News has so many beauti-
full and brainy things from Gene Fields
! pen that everything funny and bright
that is unsigned is apt to be credited to
Mr.. Field; but this poem was written by
hawkins. 1t was, in brief, funny de-
scrlptlon of how the flannel lingerie of
the old gentleman gradually Npszk to
meet the demands of the elder son, then
the second, and so on till the baby closed
| the deal
| 1t was credited to Mr.. Field, and a big
flannel manufacturer, who had the honor
OF shrinking his goods before they left
the factory. sent him bolt of bright
| red flannel, not for its intrinsic value,
but as a recognition of genuine genius
and worth
I Whenever Gene desired to make Haw-
k1ns hot he would pull up his sleeve and
show him the nice warm wristband of
his unshrinkable fannels.
Aunty Scorbutic, Plainfeld, n. j..
asks: What do think was the cause of
the great political change last election
Was 1t because people did not under
stand the Mckinley bill?"
No, think not. l am a Republican
with tariff reform tendencies, and am
quite sure it was not because the people
failed to understand the bill. That is
charging the American nation with a
degree OF ignorance which s., 600 900 peo-
pie could hardly possess, it seems to me.
When j lived in Wyoming / ran for
the legislature. / was defeated. On
counting the votes, it occurred to me
that the people of Wyoming had polit-
ical or personal repugnance for me and
did not desire to have me legislate for
them.
1t was not because they misunderstood
the bill.
A charming little brochure is just out
containing gems of oratory from Inger-
SOIL, Blaine, Daniel Dougherty and
Chauncey NJ. Depew. They are the ma
ture thoughts of these great men, and
are entirely new, never having been pub
llshed before or even publicly delivered.
The book contains about 800 pages,
well printed and carefully and neatly
bound. 1t is compiled by an old stenog-
rapher who was for ten years an after
dinner cabman, and thus was enabled
to hear and take down some of the ora
torical gems which these eminent gen
tlemen afterward wished that they, had
expressed at the dinner. The author
asks me to kindly withhold his name.
X D.