Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-07-10

The weight of an argument doesn't
depend upon the size of the man.
Kearney Enterprise.
Very few women understand the art
of getting off joke or street-car.
Ierre Haute Express.
He that is slow to anger regretteth
not the idiocy incident to a swollen
head.-OiI city Blizzard.
We often repent of what we have
said, but never of that which we have
not said, -DenUer Road.
The queen of all bees is the husking
bee. You can distinguish her by her
red ear.-LoaOeU Citizen.
The difference between a liar and a
hypocrite is that the liar is not always
incurable. Washington Star.
There are some men to whom a loss
of their regulations would mean mighty
good luck Washington Post.
Sometimes the lover who is fired
with passion for the daughter is put out
by the father.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The easiest money to spend and the
hardest money to save is that which we
have not yet earned.-N 7. Ledger.
Bessie-"Did you miss your first
husband very much?n Lulu-''Not
until after married my second.-Ihe
Epoch.
Life insurance is a great consolation
to the truly good, but fire insurance
availeth the wicked nothing. N. Y.
CO21211erci0i.
You may not have noticed it, but you
will find that the man who shakes hands
the hardest is the hardest to shake
Rjchnao11d Rec0rder.
Briggs-'I did not see you at church
last Sunday" Braggs-''No; l didn't
get in until you had gone to Sleep
I'erre Haute ErpreSS.
1t is a settled fact that few people
can practice what they preach-and
most men don't dare preach what they
practice. Press.
Odd, isn't it, that among the German
and coIored BARRIERS there are no Clan
na-Gael men, though they are all head
ters?-MeTchant 1raUeJer.
The mouse that gets caught in trap
can never be so young that its friends
will not say it was old enough to have
known DECENTRALIZATION Globe.
A Bare Supposition: Mrs. Figg-
"Whet State is the Cherokee Strip in,
dear?" Mr.. Figg-''A state of nature,
| suppose. "-Iegre Haute Express.
Reversing the Process: Widow with
six children (to suitor) You love me,
George, and ask me to be your wife?
Well, then, ask my children. ~. Y.
Tribune.
The Rev Dr. Primrose when you
were stealing the cake, myLyoung friend,
what thought did you have?" Little
Johnnie i thought nobody was look
ing."-The Epoch.
The good are said to be happy; but
it is probably not because they spend
their time thinking how much better
they are than the rest of humanity
Boston Transcript.
"And you say you would die forme?"
Darling, | would with delight, "
"Then give me that test of your atfec-
ton and | will never wed another. y
Pjttsbafy Dispatch.
Papa" said the little one, "will
there be newspapers in Heaven?n
perhaps, my child, but there will be
new set of editors aud reporters" p
n'evero fttoyr"pH.
''These cigars only cost IS cents, 81
said WHEY. 80! Why there are least
Il hundred different scents to each
cigar" returned Hubby, and WHEY
wept.-N. Y. Commercials
A Miss Tardy of Boston has sued "a
DR.. Early of the same city for breach
of promise of marriage. A Tardv miss
can never expect to catch the Early
worm. -Peori0 Transcript.
Yes, we two BOYS were thrown to-
gether a good deal when we went to
school In the country" "In the same
class ehp" No; we rode the same
mule. "-DetroU Free Press.
Minnie-"How did you enjoy the
play?" Mamie OF bit. 1t turned
out to be pantomime, and all the talk
ing we could do didn't annoy anybody
bit. "-Ierre Haute Express.
Il seem very popular with your
fathers dog" said Herbert to Mabel
'1ndeed?" Yes; the last time l tried
to take my leave he did his best to
detain me. "-WaShjngt0n Post.
McFingle-'I am going to fit up a
card-room. What sort of tables would
you advise me to get?" McFangle-
what's the matter with plain, square,
deal ones. "-LaaUrence american.
Benevolent LADY, have been try
ING to find the Old Ladies' Home. This
is it, isn't it?" Doortender-s.Nc,
madam. This is the stage door of the
Spectacular Theater ~. Y. Week1v.
Erratic Genius-'I never use note
book to jot down my ideas. l find it
handler to make notes on my cuffs
His Friend CATER a glance at the cuffs)
What withp Chalkp"- -Terre Haute
Erpress.
Il love this old horse,n said the
Colonel. Il feel that he saved nv life
at Gettysburg" "How?" ''He kicked
me in the stomach before the battle so
that couldn't 90 on the field, and my
substitute got shot in the neck. "-Chat-
ter.
Pessimistic Auditor Cat concert)-
Seems to me that is a mighty short
program, considering the price they
charge" Optimistic Auditor 20. we
can easily get the worth of our money
just encore everything. IN. Y. Week
ly.
The Rev. Mr.. Slim-''You must re-
member, my young friend, that the
soul is the body's guest Rowe Bust
Cooking him over)-''Well, it must