davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
A FORTY DOLLAR JOKE.
How a Physician Gets Even with a rrae-
teal Joker.

[ Borr a Physician Gets Even with a pra1-
tio>I Jsksr.
IL e prominent physician over in the north
Ees1 has1 { got even with one practical joksr
tnen it doesn't hs IN the telling. Th, rhy.i-
clan lives ia very modern cstablishrneat
Not only Is there a special night bell. but a
speaking tube CONNECTS tbs doorzats With
the head Of his bel The practical Joker haa
had fun with thE lie mas been coming
along aboot bali pest / a ia and standing
on toe opposite corner AID lasghllz anti lis
sides ached thinking how funny be wa aad
what a good time hs VIA having. Then be
would cross over and rag the night heii ard
howl up the speakiBz tobe a. n . whole rel
nnsuE CT notaers-in-la- on tbs next block
had t~u minute cholera and ~-r. dying tY
tho wagon load And toe poor. tired sacfor
would rouso out Of his frs. szsst sl.sp aad
hello" down the tub4 Thsn he funny rn&a
would cay:
Does Dr.. J. live hersF
"Yezn
"HAvs yo8 lived here Iozzr
''For ezS>Esty ysar2 E'ho srs youf Ehat
ths bass DO yoa rsntr
"J~s. want 70 know Why yoa dnnr move.
Tcats al TAitas
H&f8 Iara ttsS Ai&sf4y fz<zo LCg1>ff~ $cwn INTO
ths s.xsss and sDoot< hsna, ~n>rs he Aacxas
fax bali az Eoar straight
lie didn't laugh haa 20 razrh IT, osA-r
nigns The docs~r VS. aos6-d sor hi1E. Il.
knew tA@S la5agt md TIA: ys.l. and ses.sck
q fuHnss IN Ia take add p.ozred ia txo1.rnr..
Of aTsssccT<is. Sa&fford's isSsssse tax. ksuI1
lTs and sg~ eassznseal -hi1s u torzs-rt IL
gafgi"d ard gurxses4 for Go soos1 AID tsss
- l. -
his mouth fo~ esoesser howl II CATS vita /.
ia.Ar'y foot faA and . Ten pozsd przszzr. -
To- sI7sys inch
As SNa4so~od Pin. be<or, b. co-zd r-s
rs usoG.h Assnt, and ne s=Iyse<nys1 k1s.
pared away al over his ssns and slE hxt,
zIsa A'1ir- frorlt, and dress al. /: vz- ROC
rAas-r. and cz2risd him Ike ooekroAcA On 9
tot shovel
Il VII co~t tie docfor 90 sor plzu1Axnx.
pay lie Eriras every Elss 10 tsizks Of L.
!" saS4LDgsD1 Pos.-
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

1t is again reported, and the report is
not denied, that there has been consider
able snow fall in western Kansas within
the past three days. This report is ac-
companied by the statement that the
farmers were generally well prepared for
it. AT the risk of the statement being
denounced and the EAGLE declared an
enemy to that part of the state by Ger
tain self-appolnted champions thereof,
we say that the said snow fall was a
most fortuitous event. 1t would have
been a god send if a foot of snow could
have covered every foot of the states
surface. We hope such an occurrence
may yet be the states good fortune while
the winter season is on. 1t would be
worth millions to the agricultural inter
ests of the state, and consequently to the
whole state.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
THE NATIONAL w. c. T. o. DOOMED

The late National w. c. I. q. conven-
ton set down on Mrs. Foster because
she held that the organization must be
non-partisan and they set down on her
hard, insulting her in various ways. She
gave them fair warning that if tnev
would not permit her to speak she would
make it warm for the organization. Tt
turns out that the great body of the or
ganization believes with Mrs. Foster and
are against the politicians who run the
late convention. A national convention
has been called which will reorganlze
the order on a non-pprtisan and non.
sectarian platform. The st. John Pre-
hibltion party will be completely wiped
out and the w. C.. T. Z. will again be-
come great moral force rather than
the mere tool of politicians of the John
z. st. John stripe.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

1t IS at least reasonable to suppose that
the Kansas City papers that have been
so unrelentingly pursuing Senator Vest
VIII now call off the dogs and quit the
drive, since the senator has championed
that city's cause in their navigation
scheme. Let the good senator but fol-
low up the good work so courageouslv
begun and after pulling the myriads of
menacing snags from the Missouri. pro-
coed to create channel, and then sup
ply it with an adequate volume of
water, and all his past sins against the
Snl Hill quarter will be forgiven.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Neoo Wilder will find out before he gets
through with his funny work in con6ec9
ton with his pet Insurance companies that
even nigh and mighty officials ike himself
must respect the peoples rights.-AbiIene
Reflector.
Mr.. Wilder is fully capable of speak
ing IN his own behalf in this matter. and
we think we only anticipate him bv re-
marking that the concluding observa-
ton IN the paragraph quoted covers his
official actions, in the case in point at
least, to dot. But however this is and
may be, what have the other fellows
whose names are conspicuously mixed
up in this funny work found out:
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
EXCHANGE SHOTS.
Her Preference.

asked her what paper size preferred,
And kissed her lips 81 pink:
Then pressed her for frank reply
''Oh. say. you witchinE minki'
She yielded to my fond embrace
And then made answer regal:
The one of all that suits me best
Is the matchless DAILY EAGLE
Wichita EAGLE
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
LAS the maid / had bewitched.

Alas! the maid had bewitched,
She knew not what she said.
Ny words were by my charms enriched
You see, my hair is red.
The Bird" came ont for resurnission.
The maid, with freshness vsrnal.
Said: II attend your adrnoniri0n-
III choose the Lawrence journal"
Lawrence Journal
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The present Commissioner of the insur-
ance departing MT of this state is about as
able to I'LL the place as a boy in his first
year at school would be fit to teach alge-
bra. He is honest but ignorant, and this
is 50 pronounced that it affects his temper.
Kansas Financier.
However true or false the foregoing
estimate of the insurance commissioners
capabllity for his position may be, the
admission that his is honest-which i'm
pies that he is incorruptable-is a big
one in his favor. We have no sort of
doubt that the unanimous expression of
taxpayers would be if called for that an
honest igporamus is preferable to
smart thief, in any position.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
Watch Your Colds.

From the New Havea News
Don't neglect cold. That IS. perhaps
the best advice that can be given on ap-
proach of the bothersorne Influenza In
its symptoms, at least. the influenza is
an aggravated cold. and the only danger
attached To 1t is that by its weakening
effect on the system 1t may invite other
and more distressing malsdies. So. in
the first place, avoid catching cold. bur
If You do catch one, then stay st home
and take care OF it. Mean time don't
yQT1Y about il.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

If congress cannot protect Kansas sugar
1t can give sugar growers II bounty. Why
not give cent per pound for all the sugar
produced in Kansas for the next two
years; this would help the industry better
than protection.-Leavenwor Sun.
Perhaps: but MIR. Peters has pro-
nounced for protection, and that settles
1t, as far as action by the government is
concerned. The industry will have to
depend upon the state for whatever en-
enlargement it may receive in the way
OF bounty. Still, there is nothing in
this to show that the industry has fallen
''stiil-born."
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The executive committee of the "Resuh.
mission and Constitutional Convention
clubs of the state" will meet at Wichita
on the 18th instant, and that evening there
will be a resubmission meeting at the
Crawford opera house. A. L. Allen. of
Topeka, and Lucien Baker, of Leayen-
worth, will be among the speakers.-To-
peka State Journal
The Journal in thus lending itself to
the whisky interest and bolstering, by
inference, the opposition to the church
and religion, shocks US inexpressably.
VIII the Emporia Republican please adj
minister proper and BETTING rebuke
before McLennan openly declares for
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The Gazette in common with all no,,-s
papers perpetrates dood deal Of norsense
IN the course OF year, but we warn the
Wichita EAGLE not to credit other papers
nonsense TO the Gazette.-Kansas Ci1y
Gazette.
The nonsense referred to was perpe-
trated by the Kansas City Star. and
should have been so credited. But the
correction is immaterial as everybody
knows that no Kansas editor would
make such fool blunder as we were
called upon 10 sQuelch.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Topeka gains thirty men by the change
OF the headquarters of the Santa Fe from
Chicago. Topeka is using all its resources
IN an attempt to stand by Congressman
kelly's 90, O00-Wichits Eagle
Three hundred comes nearer it than
thirty. But we can excuse the EAGLE.
1t must have its little quip.-Topeka
Journal.
Since you are SO quick to correct our
figures IN the foregoing, tell US, Will you.
how many you loose by the transfer OF
the Santa Fe's headquarters save the
auditors office to Chicago, a decision
announced subsequent to the statement
first above quoted:
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The attention of Professor Wiley and
the editor of the Atchison Champion,
particularly the latter, who would fortify
his untenable position with the opinion
of the former, is respectfully directed to
the statement of the operations of the
Medicine Lodge sugar mill the past sea-
ton. A net profit of over 10 per cent in
less than three months active operation.
and for the first season and under dis
training circumstances, would appear to
be most gratifying augury of success.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

On political morality in Indiana the
Democrats and Republicans score six for
one and half dozen for the other. The
public discussion of the affair would be
more amusing if it were less disgraceful.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
Must be Taxed.

trom the Topeka Democrat
Attorney General Kellogg has given
1t as his official opinion that 10 portion
of the capital stock OF a national bank is
exempt from taxatian because it is in
vested in United States bonds. The only
portion of the capital stock of a bank
which can be deducted from the original
assessment of the paid UP capital stock
of the bank is such portion of it as nar
be invested in real estate, of which the
bank holds the title in fee simple. and in
such cases the real estate is assessed and
taxed As other lands or lots IN the county
II which the bank IS situated
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
ONLY A COMMON MARTYR.

Colonel Marsh Murdoch is too good a
hansan to make much of resubmission-
| lst. When he takes up his pen to bemean
| the state, the ink flows out over the paper
IN sentences of graduation and praise.
Inis is no doubt aggravating to the
colonel, but 1t IS pleasing to his friends
Emporia Republican.
John Brown was hung for advocating
resubmission of the slavery question.
lie was a Kansan, but his neck was
stretched at Charlestown, Va. He
thought he was right: thought so SO hard
that he was willing to take the conse-
quences. He would have been safe with
his thoughts at home in Kansas, but he
ventured with them down among his
enemies. Being not lost to his example.
or unmindful of his sad fate, we shall
hardly trust ourselves with our resub-
mission ideas in Emporia or Topeka. In
hanging us EmporIa or Topeka would
no doubt act cOnscientiously, as did the
fellows at Charlesrown, but it would
hurt all the same. In Wichita our ink
flows on uninterrupuedly with the
shadow of no fanatical gallows obscur-
ing our pathway, and the boom of your
opposition guns is lost in the intervening
freedom that like breezes eternallv |
sweep the untrammeled soil that marks |
the distance between Wichita and EN-
porla. Kansas was free, Virginia was |
not. John Brown is dead, but SO is
slavery. Wichita is free and so will be
tmporia, and when her freedom comes.
whether Murdoch be politically alive or
lead, we hope Emporia will use her free
JON, whether it be of flowing ink or
other bottled fluid, in wisdom and
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The base ball folk, if they are rs smart
as they are accredited, will stop their
wrangling. patch up truce, flop to-
gether and proceed with the utmost
promptitude to make good ready for an
early and vigorous campaign, else the
new and lusty rival of that game, i. e.
football, will get the scinch on it.
The amusement loving public are re-
garding the new game quite patron
izingly.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Judge Foster ordered that the legal
publications of his court be made here
after through the columns of the Repub-
lcan, the new resubmission organ at
Topeka. The Capital thereupon gives
his honor a personal scoring. Judge
Foster replies through the Capital in
language and facts so startling severe
that Major Hudson III coming back at
him uses cuss words Oh no, there is
no rebellion in Kansas.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
Fresh y. Salt Water.

Fr1saa tie "a Ezoad 5aa
4 number Of eminent Kansas editors.
headed BY Colonel Iurdoek, Of the
EAGLE. passed through the ctr the
other day en- route TO Galveston 70 look
into the deep water harbo. prospect.
Singular these Kansas editors should 20
50 far 20 get what they have IN abssn-
dance Ct at home.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Congressman Lansing, of New York,
who mentioned to the ways and means
committee the desirability of giving ag-
riculture the same degree of protection
given manufacturers, must have an in
fiuential friend or two who are members
of the Farmers alliance.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Frzn Vo<' halssos, ~so $50 acted s<~ pv<
nory, one day MT hss rsEo~nes4 Dz. LA-A
NAM &C ne pro<D~Gazss EAxzxfy s.alazx
saT~S u iss oyf<s-tEasty ttscs kRa<sl-s Il
gs<;-ng = Lilo s<lFsne gratis, Sc errlAsras..
-Hs~ f0rtznais ass r. Easssi1, yos, n.y
s-sar saoSTi hsvs fsst 50 ysry ~.@< Il
izse, and every sE1s - -. at. o.uruos1s.
~ fAxssus Ray. wat soa1d pa r1ssr.s.
EseEd Eze - tAksF
A cAo, SHh-1<<s. E=z fas dos-.ors ..s.zoau
rrs's1s "a se b1rSe-a n as hs>As szd psl.si
AsxS e. . ErsI< S<Ace--- l4uzssx-e.a
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Prince Bismarck has a superstitious
concern for the year 1890. He fears that
he may not live beyond it. The civilized
world will accompany Bismarck ia the
watch for the results of his premonitlon,
probably less cheerfully than the first
German himself.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Speaker Reed will probably see to it
that the committee on foreign offalrs,
that imposed upon itself the duty of de-
Gliding the Worlds Fair site, will listen
to all arguments with unbiased mind
and in case they do not, will transfer
that function to a select committee that
will
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The railway arrangements of the state
might as well be getting out their old
coaches and go to greasing up the wheels
preparatory to pulling in couple hun
dred thousand of extra people into Kan
sas the coming season.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Portugal will reprimand its general
and thus satisfy the British lion, which
was unusually rampant, that his flags
should be torn down. If Portugal We're
republic there would be no angry lion,
no reprimand and no consequent servil-
ity of the Portuguese.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

A New York man pays $4,000 year
for the privilege of picking over the
city's refuse at the dump, and his profit
which amounts to over a hundred dollars
day is not consumed in buying tickets
for McAllister's balls. Such man could
hardly be deemed respectable by the four
hundred
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The fact that the pope's "Peter's
pence" shows up $50, 900 On the wrong
side of the Catholic clearing house re-
port for 1889, is an illustration of the
magnitude of the Catholic church, made
up, as it is, of little contributions Of
small coins
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The Doodle councilmen of st. Louis
are becoming uneasy and some of them
are being watched as it is feared they
will attempt to leave the city. A day of
reckoning comes to every boodler.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
Kansas offers Asylum

From ths Atchison Patriot.
Mrs. j. A. l.. Smith ia very anxious 70
practice law in Virginia, and her hus-
band, also lawyer, Is anxious that she
should do SO. But the state Of Viryinsa
VIII not grant her a license. Mrs
Smith, with the prOverbiai firmness OF
her sex, says she is going to be LAWYER
II she has To leave the state. THIS will
never be free country till sane. full
grown persons are allowed 70 adopt any
honorable vocation they choose.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The EAGLES emigration tow-line, like
ali her other lines, has a strong and far
reaching pull. The state immigration
convention which meets in this city next
Monday will be one of the greatest con-
ventions ever convened in the state. 1t
will differ from the average gathering of
that character in that there will be no
buncombe foolishness, only downright
earnest work
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Noble Prentis, IN the Kansas City Star,
pays a splendid and deserved tribute to
Secretary Adams daughter, who has
charge of the Kansas state historical
rooms at the capital. She is a Kansas
girl. slight of figure, a happy face of
bright intelligence, and gentle voice
that never wearies in answering ques-
tons which nobody else in the world
save her father could answer.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
Ms.sour1,s Jurr Law.

FrcE - g. Ja~@ga Baxsst1.
A Missouri judge has made the eas-
coyery that n order 10 be legzi luYorz in
ih2s state. Il - n0s necessary that III.
party summoned should bs Il years ~
age, n fact thai boy. possessing tie re-
ou1ed amour. u intelligence. n ellZitgs
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

The busiest man in Montana at present
is the sergeant-at-arms of the house of
representatives, who spends most Of his
time trying to collar the willful alb
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
To The Editor o, 80 Eezis.

EDxoSD, /. T.. Jan. 9, 1870.
Answer 10 your today mathematical
nut for school boFs 10 crack from Wei
lington Press: Two thousand four hun
dred and enc eggs in basket. Come
again with something hard 70 crack.
Il <
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Sam Peters acknowledgment before
the house committee that there is re-
bellion in Kansas, has made lot of the
old ring roosters awful mad.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

VIII the Republican please tell US wherein Ne
braska as a state has any naturally superior ad-
vantages Kansas, in either climate, soil or To-
catiOn?-Wichta EAGLE.
1t will not. Nebraska has no such SUI
perior advantages, nor any other sort, oyer
Kansas.-Emporia Republican.
Then what is the matter with Kansas:
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

Now come the cattlemen in conven-
ton assembled at Topeka with resolu-
ton endorsing the EAGLES estimate of
the Kansas legislature.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
Brer Coon and Brer Hog.


When Brer Coon see Brer Harrison.
Brer Coon say: 'Brer Hog, come
down" And Rrer Hog he KIM down.
and Brer Harrison he pull out his pocket
book and pay Brer Wooten for Brer Hog.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
n Hint 70 Farmers.

EIuIIt ~" aL.hlsou TtODf
In the fall Of 1850, Il. F. Harpster, Of
Severance. purchased about 81. 600 BUSH
els of corn, the bulk of which no paid
but Is cents for. He held II over until
the following year when he sold II for =,
cents, making over $500 clear money
on ms corn. His entire profits for that
year, including his banking business.
was $23 900.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
Don't Mention Il

From The Oklahoma CITY Times.
Oklahoma owes to the Wichita EAGLE
a vote Of thanks for the frequent favora-
bic mention made of the country and har
wonderful advantages III soil, clirnats
and enterprislng people.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

May 1t not be after all. as argus-eyed
Ben Butler intimates, that the advocates
of the Australian ballot system for this
country are presuming rather too much
upon the general intelligence of the peo-
pie: For people of sufficient education
TO use that system intelligently it Is per-
haps ali right, though that class are the
persons that do not require it; while for
the iiiterate. the ignorant, it readily te-
comes a powerful engine for doing the
very thing 1T would prevent. II would
be well that the thing he looked into
carefully before it Is universally adopted.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

There are lodges many, and dodgers
Rrtful, but the most unique of the first
and complacent of the second we remem-
Der TO have seen was exhibited in the
AtchiSon Champion when it attempted
&c parry the force of Coy. Warmouth's
statements touching the sugar tariff. be-
fore the ways and means committee of
congress day or two ago, by character
izing him as a Democrat. If the ex-rov-
ernor has changed his politics it has been
since the last state election: at which
time, if our memory serves us, he stood
for the Republican as its candidate for
governor. The mistake was perhaps
only an inadvertance on the part of the
Champion. but it was rather odd, never
thelesS.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10

to jury duty and can be compelled 10
serve. Here Is chance for the bows
and also To improve the average jury.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1890-01-10
INTEREST SPREADING.
To the Editor of the Eagle.

10 the Editor of the Eagle.
am in receipt of letters covering
nearly every part of Kansas ratifying
the steps so far taken in the immigra-
tlon movement, and assuring the bureau
that, as one editor puts it, ''Kansas is
now sounding the key note to the great
EST land boom on earth, from the fact
that her lands are the richest and cheap
est IN the world"
FROM the head of state down to the
least hamlet comes letters Of approba-
tlon and lists of delegates and recon-
mendatlons for the movement at this
tifne and under the suspicious surround
lngs. to such numbers that space pre-
Guides their publication, but all of them
concur in the declaration of the EAGLE
that anything less than a state move
ment Will bear upon its title page the
marks of impotency, while the policy
now being pursued to start out with a
solid front with the interests of every
county in the state enlisted in the ranks,
VIII not only carry with it the convic-
tion that we are honest in what we say
about Kansas, but that we know what
we are talking about. From the lists of
ueiegates already sent IN, embracing
as they do all parts of Kansas about
it would appear that we have
reached the point where there is no reason
to fear that the organization will be en-
oarrassed by any sectional element in it,
and thus, after the convention on the
18th, immediate operations can COM
mence and the products of this move
ment be felt in the early spring.
Great interest is being manifested all
over the state, and in many localities
mass meetings and great enthusiasm
nave marked the occasion.
Delegates will bear in mind that it is
necessary for them to procure receipt
rom railroad agent from whom they
tickets in order to secure the
educed rate returning.
HALE CowLEY, Sec'y.