davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
Americas Weak Beverages.

not the equal of cricket in that or any other
way But there's new sort of cove I met
| the other day at the race-course. l asked
him what he thought of that horse Clothes
rack, and he told me was perfectly safe to
copper him. bet 5 guineas on the brute,
We know, and beggar me if he didn't come
| in last OF all. 1 was looking all over for the
scoundrel who told me it was safe to put me
| coppers on the beast"
"You ought to make whole chapter out
of that for your Impressions of America, !"
observed one of the company after the
laughter had subsided.
"And so 1 have" exclaimed his Lord
ship, land hope it will save some of my
countrymen from being swindled when they
come to this country"
Then his Lordship went upstairs to his
room, and made the following entries in his
journal:
some Americans and they all laughed at me.
The Yankees think it a fine joke to see an
Englishman cheated. Have been to all the
for my chapter on 1.-THE Fashionable Society of
the Metropolis" Several gentlemen have COM
plimented me on my extensive knowledge Of
man who knows it ALL" Americans can be po-
lite sometimes if they want to be. l am told
there are other cities in the interior. such as
Philadelphia, Chicago and Boston, but shall
not visit them, as have already learned great
deal about them from my friends in New York.
Savages abound am told. in the regions in
which these cities are situated. IN. B.-The
last sentence, properly italicized, will do for
joke. Must send it to Pu1ch.)
INVESTIGATING AMERICAN BEVERAGES.
Having finished this work, Lord Blaw-
stital put on the largest and most brilliant
of his assortment of red cravats and went
out for stroll on Broadway. He wandered
into an art gallery. with bar at one end Of
it, and there met one of his American
friends.
"welI, how do you like New York So
ciety?" asked the American, as they seated
themselves at small table and called for
refreShments.
"There's no such thing here, me boy"
responded his Lordship with exquisite tact.
''1've been in a lot of places like this, and
it's not at all the sort of thing I'm accus-
toned to. Very different from club in
Lunnon.
'But what you call sport here is nothing
like what we have on the other side. Now,
football, for example, is played here by the
lads in the public schools, like Harvard
and Princeton. You ought to see the way
it's played at Cambridge. It's real sport
there. and dangerous, too, 1 can tell you.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
A RATTLER AROUND HIS LEG.

Awful Experience of n Pair of Hunters
Who Camped Out Over Night.
Mddleburg Post.1
DR.. Sampsel and j. K. Snyder, both Of
Centerville, had an experience at Swift
Run on Friday night of last week that they
will never forget. They scraped a lot of
leaves together for bed, provided pile of
wood to keep up fire during the night and
lay down to pleasant dreams. Along
toward 1 o'clock Mr.. Snyder was
awakened by a cold object which
Without moving he lay awake, waiting for
developments. The next moment he felt an
indescribable sensation come over him
body. Realizing that there was something
extraordinary the matter, he called to the
doctor to hurry and get up, as something
was crawling up the right leg of his panta-
looms and he believed it was snake.
The words went through the doctor like
an electric shock, and, raking a brand out
OF the fire, he approached Mr.. Snyder, who
was lying as if paralyzed, with the cold
sweat standing In big beads on his forehead.
Half blinded by the Pickering flame of tbe
brand, he noticed what at first looked like a
broad black strap hanging out of Mr.. Sny-
der's trouser leg. but the next moment ex-
claimed: my God, Muckel, lie still; it's
rattlesnake."
The reptile had been attracted to the fire
and sought warmth on the person of Mr..
SNYDER. Every moment she disappeared
further up the leg. Grasping the snake by
the tail, the doctor pulled with all his
might. His hold slipped, and the rattles.
IA in number, came off and remained in his
hand. The reptile had wrapped itself
around the bare skin on the mans leg. and
violently shook its derattled tail, indicating
its anger at such harsh. treatment. This
performance almost threw Mr. Snyder into
convulsions.
Recovering himself, the doctor bethought
himself OF his knife, and, quickly opening a
blade keen as razor, he cut the pantaloons
up to the body. This released the snake,
and she quickly unwoun nd and threw herself
into coil, ready for effective work, but, be-
fore she could strike, the doctor struck her a
blow with club that cut her in two.'
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25

cab, raving leebly about the watery quail
ties of American beverages. A brisk drive
through the park served to untangle his
legs. and then he was taken back to his
hotel and tenderly deposited in bed. He
awoke the next morning with a splitting
headache, but he remembered his engage
ment at the football grounds, and immedi-
atelv after his "bawth" told his man to lay
out his fannels and other accoutrements for
athletic sports.
Lord Blawstital made his appearance just
promptly enrolled as "rusher'' in Difference
to his great experience and skill.
HIS IMPRESSION ON AMERICAN SOIL.
For few moments the ball was kicked
hither and thither, and then suddenly it
was ''passed" to the Englishman, and he
started with it for the goal. He met the
.orces of the enemy before he had gone a
dozen PAGES. There was a crash, a chorus
of yells in his ears, and a constellation
which looked like the entire solar system
before his eyes. Down he went to mother
earth. and the ball was wrested from his
grasp.
Both sides stood on his PROSTATE form and
struggled for the ball. His whiskers were
trampled into the mud and his shoulder
put out of joint. Then the charge swept on,
and, relieved of the weight OF 81 men, Lord
Blawstital slowly picked himself up and
gazed rueiuIly at his torn and soiled raj
ment.
Somebody helped him to scrape the mud
out of his eyes and ears.
What's that, deah boy?" inquired the
Briton, pointing to a cavity in the earth
IRON which he had just been extricated.
"That," replied the other, sis an English
mans impression on American soil.''
j. L. FORD.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
MILFORD IN AMERICA.
How Blawstital Came to Get I'm.
pressions and Lett One.
TEACHING THE LADS FOOTBALL,
He Was Afraid he Would Hurt Somebody
and Was Promptly Upset.
INVESTIGATING SOCIETY AND DRINKS
WRITTEN FOR THE DISPATCH.

"But 1 tell you, me deah boy, We don't sec
this sort Of thing on the other side. don't
cher know"
The speaker was Lord Traviss Blawstital
of Windy Gable, Bloodyshire, England
who was spending a fortnight at the Hoff
man House for the purpose of gathering in.
formation for volume of Impressions Of
America" to be published on his return to
London. His Lordship brought letters Of
introduction to several American gentlemen
who at first expressed surprise that he should
consider two weeks sufficient time to devote
to such work. But, after they had spent
two or three evenings In his company, they
were equally astonished that he should have
taken the trouble to come at all, because he
had received so many Impressions Of
America" during his residence in England
that nothing he saw In this country was
likely to alter them.
What sort OF thing is sport in this
country, I'd like to know?" continued Lord
Blawstital, his nose and accent rising at the
same time. "Now, me boy, went to see
what you call your great national game OF
baseball the other day, and 'pon me honah!
couldn't make head nor tail of it. It's
nothing at all like cricket
mo, it's not," remarked one of his
American friends, drvly. 'It isn't equal
to cricket as soporifc, that's one sure
thing"
COULDN'T CATCH THE JOKE.
"Quite right, me boy" continued his
lordship, with true British density, "it's
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
THE ORIGINAL AsT0R,
His Forcible Expression on Real Estate and
His Love of Literary Society.

His Forcible Expression on Real Estate and
His Love of Literary Society.
J.W. Watson in Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly. !
Well do remember, when a boy, hear
ing John Jacob Astor, the original of the
name, say to my father by way of advice:
"Buy dirt; it won't run away" On this
principle, which he instilled into his chill
dren, he bought real estate, but never sold
heard him once say: "I will never give a
lease, for, if it is good one. thew
will sell it; if bad. they will run
away and leave it." think he hardly
knew how rich he was, or, if he did, had a
full appreciation OF it. 1 once heard him
to say to Philip Hone, who was Mayor of
the city of New York, and supposedly a
very rich man: Phillip, how much are you
worth?" The answer was: "Oh, about
$3.50, 900, Astor. The then 80 millionaire
responded: II don't know but that's as
good as if you were rich man."
Irving, Paulding and Halleck, the latter
being Tor many years his secretary, and who
often related to me that he told his employer
that he did not want to be rich, but that if
he had a steady income of 5000 year he
would be satisfied. The old man, as grim
joke, left the poet exactly that sum per
annum in his will, which it is pretty
we'll known that his son Will
lam B. increased to a comfortable sum as
long as Fitz-Greene lived. Astor had
great liking Tor old Billy Reynolds chop
house, in Thames street, back OF Trinity
Church, and would 60 there almost daily to
enjoy his chop, or steak, and his pewter Of
ale, in company with Fitz-Greene Halleck,
Irving, or some literary man, sometimes
Poe-though he did not like Poe, and de-
nounced him as quarrelsome, which he was.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25

forgot myself for moment, it was passing
attack of madness; 1 did not know what I
was saying or doing"
jana trembled, and in the look with
which she answered the officer there was so
much contempt that he instinctively cast
down his eyes.
Countess" he continued, nevertheless,
in a very submissive tone, "I know how
much I deserve your scorn and your con-
pent what 1 did. 1t must have been the bad
brandy. Do not treat me with contempt,
and listen to me to the end.''
"You must know, Madam, that we are q
sort of Free Masons, we officers of the Gov
ernment The Inspector obeyed me, al
though we spoke of a crime. must again
shut nv eyes with superiors of mine. Be
cautious with the Governor. He will be
ready at any time to sacrifice you to Schelm,
who is, in secret, his superior in the minis
try of the interior. To convince you of
nv sincerity and of my repentance for
what has happened, will accompany you
myself to the Governor and support your Pc
tition. But follow my advice. Do not
speak OF your husbands innocence. nor of
the petition which I have promised to for
ward stol Count Orlotf himself We shall
probably, both of us, take lodgings in Ir-
kutsk. I'm all probability 1 shall not be
permitted to see you, but you may count
upon my devotion. The day may yet come
when you will be gracious enough to par
don me for the sake of the services I. shall
have rendered you"
The Colonel's voice became more and
more submissive and convincing. Jana
knew but too we'll how much she needed his
help to prove Vladimir's indocence. She
had. however, been too deeply wounded to
yield at once.
"Let it be So" she said sternly. "We
shall see. Now am forced to accept your
favors. But beg you will not speak to
me; you have insulted me too grossly; 1
cannot so easily forgive.
"Still,' she continued, when he bowed
and simply proffered to obey her in all she
might order, 81 shall never forget how
much we owe you"
The sleigh reached the walls of Irkutsk.
"I wish to give you ole more piece of ad-
vice, Countess" said Palkin. GAS soon as
you have had your audience, lose not a
minute not a moment, but return instantly
to your husband. 1 shall send gendarme
In advance to the colony; nevertheless, re-
peat, do not lose an instant to meet your
husband"
"Such was my intention"
Five minutes later the coach stopped be-
fore the palace OF the Governor of East
Siberia.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
CHAPTER XVIII.

As soon as Vladimir reached the colony
he showed Inspector Palkin's permit for
his longer absence. The officer received
him civilly but coolly, and ordered him to
go home. There he found Dr. Haas fast
asleep on pile of skins. Vladimir also
felt overburdened with fatigue, and was
soon fast asleep.
Itwas dark already y when suddenly great
disturbance aroused him. He opened his
eyes and saw the room full of Cossacks.
At tine foot of the couch stood DR.. Haas
with an ak in his hand.
Gas long as am alive not hair of his
head shall be harmed" cried the DOCTOR
''Seize him." cried the Inspectors wife;
"bind MIN at once and give him 300 blows
And as to that rebel there, pointing at Dr.
Haas, Kill him instantly, because he
openly resiststhe authority of the Gar"
The Cossacks were pressing forward, when
suddenly the door was opened violently and
the Inspector rushed in, pale and out of
breath.
"Stop!" he cried. "This moment an order
has come for Colonist Vladimir to 60 at
once to Irkutsk."
The Cossacks were accustomed to obey
Caroline rather than her husband, and hesi-
tdteu, therefore, Ior q moment. one was
now entirely beside herself
No! mol" she cried, as If she were pos
sessed. "Give him 500 blowsp'
Her husband, however, seized her by the
arm.
"Are you mad?" he exclaimed argrily.
IA gendarme has just brought the order to
suirenderathe colonist to his wife, who will
arrive here directly, with the Governors s
permit. Do you want to ruin us?"
He then bowed low to Vladimir and the
doctor, saying:
Pardon her, gentlemen; pardon my wife;
she is liable to attacks of dement's"
And so are you'll" cried Caroline.
For GODS sake, keep quietP' whispered
the Inspector into his wiie's ear. 81 swear
to you you shall have an opportunity to
avenge yourself later on; only ne still nowi
Mr.. Vladimir" he continued aloud, 'gather
up your things. and go where the Governor
permits you TO reside hereafter
(To be continued neat Sunddu.)
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
HYPN0TIZING BY PH0N0GRApH.

The Phenomenou Not Due TO Animal Magnet.
Ism but 10 tho Influence of Words.
st. Louis Republic.1
By the way, did you ever hear OF hypnot-
izing by means Of the phonograph? Well,
it is said it can be done. and that's another
of the phenomena that have been discovered
in relation to the mysterious art At the
American Medical College here it was dis
cussed not long ago, and there will proba-
bly, be some experiments very soon in this
direction. ..r
The theory of those who maintain that
such thing can be done does not admit
that hypnotism is the result of animal mag
netism entirely, consequently it is claimed
that it the operator speak the words usually
employed in the process into phonograph
in the same tone of voice ordinarily used in
hypnotism, and then leave the subject in the
room alone with the photograph, instruct
ing him to obey every order of the instru-
ment, he will sink into the hypnotic state
before the phonograph has ceased speaking.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
RAN AGAINST THE WRONG MAN.

Confidence Man Tries n Gnme ON the
Chief Justice Of New Jersey.
Philadelphia Inquirer.l
Chief Justice Beasley, of New Jersey, who
prIdes himself on the rural character of his
dress and appearance, while on recent
visit to New York City, was one afternoon
standing on the steps OF prominent hotel
VIXEN he was accosted by perfect stranger,
whom he at once sized up as a confidence
operator.
SIT has been long time since we met, E"
said the newcomer in an affable manner
YES" said the Chief Justice, muslngly,
quite long time"
"Are you enjoying yourself as usual?"
asked the man, evidently feeling for an OPP
portunity to run ip.his little game.
eyes, as usual, answered the Chief JUS
tice, with q sunny smile.
"Still in the same old business, eh?"
"Yes; still in the same old business"
"What business is it? It's been so long
since I've seen you that I declare I've quite
forgotten"
The Chief Justices eyes sparkled merrily,
as he replied, with an assumption Of inno-
cence which would have done no discredit
to a first class actor:
Sending rogues to jaili'
The confidence man stared at him and
then suddenly shot off down the street.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
Blawstital poured each one down his throat.

BIawstital poured each one down his throat,
he observed:
"All very well. deah boy, but you should
taste drop of true British spirits at the
Junior Carleton. Two or three glasses would
be enough for one evening""
sUcCUMBED IN DUE SEASON.
At last his speech began to grow thick
and his vision hazy. He thought he would
try light one this time "to top of with"
IA stone fence is what you want, said
his American friend, and forthwith one was
placed before him. Lord Blawstital tasted
it and pronounced it pleasant, mild decoc-
ton. He finished the drink and said that
he thought the fresh air would do him good.
"But," he added, as he tried to rise from his
chair, chang me if me legs haven't got tied
in hard knott How does this happen|
"Well, (" replied his friend, these Amer
lean drinks have way of settling In your
feet''
With some difficulty Lord Blawstital was
conveyed through side door and placed In
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.,

Tyrants ruled in times of old
With despotic sway;
They could take their subjects gold,
Life and all away.
Written 'Tis on history's page,
How their power fell;
When the peasant and the sage
Did their wronglngs tell.
Tyrants' days have passed away
Never to return;
Liberty is holding sway;
How our hearts now burn.
Freedom says, in mighty first,
Right shall e'er make m1ght;"
When such sentiment is nuTsed,
Day must follow night.
May we never from this last
May we onward march
Till we, yicIory-crowned, have passed
Meath the conqueror's arch;
Loved America, TO thee,
IT'S to thee we sing;
Blessed land of liberty,
Where each mans king.
H. G. BURGER.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
1059-ANAGRAM.

Some scientists make it their aim
To give to every plant name
OF learned length and laundering sound,
I'VE wonder where such names they found)
And show how smallest germs produce
A growth luxuriant and profuse.
Still others follow the pursuit
OF finding insects SO minute
That nothing but microscope
Can bring them IN the VISIONS scope.
Some 60 to fishes, some to birds,
And give them names in such long words
As quite confuse us: thus they show
How wise they are, how much they know.
But Others like the one name,
"TO REPTILES co. to find their gama
And search out all the strange aDodes
of frightful lizards, snakes and toads-
They tell us what they have diScerned
In language so intensely learned
That we're astounded and confounded,
And with their reptiles so surrounded,
And see so many crawling snakes
AS makes US think we have the shakes,
And that we'd rather be in billiards
Than amongst their toads and lizards.
NELSoHIAN.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
A NEW SERIAL.

The Dispatch has secured n capital Dctec.
rive Story by DIR. Philip Wsolf. author of
"Who is Guiltys" entitled GIN THE DARK"
This new novel deals with mysterious mur-
der, and during its course develops a phnse
of Detective Life that hitherto has NOT re-
ceived the attention of novelists. The plot of
the story is unhackneyed and extremely ex.
citing, one episode possessing rare psycho-
logical intere-t. The story is drawn close to
nature, Is brilliantly written, nud for force
and style 10 unsurpassed. The opening
chapters of this Powerful Serial will appear
in THE DISPATCH of SUNDAY, june 1,
nexf. Lovers of bright fiction should NOT
miss the opening chapters.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
1055-ENIGMA.

A pair that has been much abroad,
But never their own travels write,
Are aged now and doomed to plod,
And often quite Withdrawn from sight
This poor old couple, well know,
Have made it their sole end and aim
To smooth the paths in which they 60
Though bright or blackened be their fame,
For them my rhymes shall sing their best,
And tell how much they bear abuse
How much down-rrodden and hard pressed
By those who most their service use.
What if they are dark-skined racer
What boots the color of the skin7
That sure can never bring disgrace
II pure the life it holds within.
Foot-sore in paths of duty led,
l often seek this humble pair,
And in their restfUl quarters tread,
Relieved while from pains bear.
In honor would liken them
To some that men with praise invest,
Like WINE and friends most valued when
Old age insures their very best.
CLAMoR.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25

The figures in the above monument read
across. form a numerical enigma, with the fol-
lowing definitions:
j. A letter on the musical scale.
z A vessel used chiefly for ornamental pur.
poses.
g. The "Uncle' for whom our hero fought.
4 A small number.
s. To drink.
6. An inclosure.
2. To put in position.
g. The schoolboy's companion.
g. One of the United States (Abbr.l
10. The hlndermost of our hero's forces.
IL A medley.
II. A part of speech
The whole is the name of the soldier to whose
memory the monument is erected
The material OF the obelisk is shown by the
centralS
The material Of the plate below the obelisk
reads across.
The base is double acrostic, and the primals
and finals each name its material.
E. W. HARRIS.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25

I've played many a game there, and I'd
like nothing better than q chance to show
you Yankees how it ought to be played"
"Why, you're just the man we're looking
forP' exclaimed the American. "There's to
be big match tomorrow, and we need an
other man on our side. How would you
like to play?"
AFRAID OF HURTING THE LADS.
'I'll play with pleasure, deah boy" re-
Piled Lord Blawstital, "but 1 hope they
won't find me too rough. You know 1 was
never accustomed to playing with boys as
you do here, and when get excited you'll
find me the deuce of chap. But, suppose
we try another drink. Do you know the
liquor in this country has no strength what
ever. You should try the spirits they give
you at the Bull and Warming Pan in Dun
dee. Genuine Irish, me boy, with the taste
of the smoke and the heather. 1 used to
hear a lot about the American drinks before
came here, but bless me if find them
equal to our own.
''Take a whisky cocktail" said the
American. "and see If that's strong enough
to suit you."
Lord Blawstital slipped the cocktail and
remarked that it was we'll enough in its way.
but too weak. Then his friend ordered a
couple of rum sours, which his Lordship de-
clared an improvement on the other. Then
they had variety of drinks. and, al Lord
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
The Brown Stone Must Go.

Brown stone isn't having so much of 9
monopoly Of the business of veneering the
fronts Of residences as formerly. That 1t is
being supplanted by brick is decidedly In
the nature of reform. The pleasing curves
and ornamentation produced by the manu-
facture of the brick and the beautiful lines
In the architecture are out of reach with the
soft and unendurable brown stone.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
1058--BFHFADMENT,

A young man frequently is all;
Some sweet and witching girlish face
He meets, and deep in love will fall
With her, who seems to him all grace.
Mayhap his passion is returned.
Then jOyously the hours tiy past;
But if his tender love is spurned,
How very bitter IS the last.
CHAS. I. HOUSTON,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-05-25
1062-sYNCoPATIoN.
-N.N.-

"WhoLe. you are a greedy glutton,
And then-it seems so very droll-
You end your meal by eating whole"
These words Southern planter said
Unto the negro he had fed.
Whole answered thus: 20 don't be cross;
i tell you was hungry, Doss;
Rnt nor enough my greed TO quiet.
That brown loaf just filled up the void.
And now Pm feeling overjoyed."
Iyhoie eat the tCii0Le besides the meat
And thought he'd had dainty treat.
NELsoNIAR