The morning call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1878-1895, 1890-09-28
MR.. AND MRS. B0WSER.
She Gives Him a Practical Lesson
in Spontaneous Combustion.

@<OON after supper the other evening,
A9 Mr.. Bowser slipped upstairs, and
SMgE as his action looked very mysterious
to me followed him. ! found him over
hauling the clothes basket.
''Mrs. Bowser," he began by way OF ex-
PLANTATION. ''do you know that we have had
close Gala dozen close calls-from being
burned alive in our beds?
LANDS no! What do you mean?"
81 mean that there hasn't been an hour in
the tWenty-fonr since we moved into this
house that it was not liable to take fire. In
other words, we have been slumbering on
the edge of volcano.
''Why, Mr.. Bowser"
Nothing but the hand of providence has
prevented great disaster" he continued as
he dumped the last OF the clothes out OF the
hamper.
"But what has that hamper to do with
| it?"
Everything Mrs. Bowser. did you ever
hear of spontaneous combustion?"
''Of course"
"Well, there hasn't been day that all the
1 elements necessary to spontaneous combus-
! ton haven't been present in this hamper.
| Also, in various other places in this house.
I | shudder over our narrow escape"
| "You-yon haven't gone and got another
| fire-escape, have yoa?"
| There you go! Always ready to throw
| up something! ! suppose you call this
| notion of mine?'
what has spontaneous combustion got to
| do with our clOthes-hamper?
| Everything. Here are the elements right
| here to start fire. Here are cotton, wool
and silk crowded together in temperature
of at least 800. Nothing could be more fay-
| orabe."
What What" shouted Mr. Bowser,
| holding up FELLOWSHIP in one hand and
| one of baby's stockings in the other. .'Yon
| don't believe in spontaneous combuStlon!
Under certain conditions yes, but those
| conditions cannot be found here. Some one
| has been working on your Imagination"
he softly whispered. when every scien-
| list and sCient tie publication believes in
| spontaneous combuStion-when it is prac-
| tically demonstrated every day in the year
! when it is a fact as well known as that a
! horse has teeth you stand there and tell me
| that have been played on! Mrs Bowser,
will you have the kindness to 20 down
! stairs?"
| | went down and he took every article
1 from the hamper ana spread them out on
| the floor. Then he went through every
| clothes-cioSet and bureau-drawer, and 1t was
| fully two hours before he came down and
| heayed great sigh of relief and said:
! There! We shall not be burned alive
not to-night!'
There was no DANGER" replied.
''There wasn't Ell? Mrs. Bowser, L
| Il"
His emotion overcame him and got OPP
| portunity to say:
why don't other peoples houses buru
up through spontaneous combustion?'
| No answer.
| Il haven't seen anything in the papers
about clothes-hamper explosion"
Mr.. Bowser gritted his teeth.
. Ii it has got to that pass that the sheets
| off the spare bed can't come in contact with
| the baby's stockings without striking fire,
we'd better fill the cellar with tin boxes"
MIR. Bowser kicked at the cat, but missed
! her by about two feet
.itBut therell be fire, of course. You
have overlooked an old vest somewhere, and
| it will get down off its hook and walk over
| to one of your old shoes and arrange for
! bonfire. shan't sleep wink tonight
| Mr.. Bowser eircled around the room three
4 times with great dignity, and then went off
| to bed. When he was out OF the way,
went out and had talk with the cook. The
| result was that we brought an iron kettle
! into the front hall, got out some cotton-bat-
ting, and, as l went upstairs, she whispered
| to me:
81 understand. ma am. In exactly half an
| hour Pm 10 touch it of"
| Mr.. Bowser was in bed. and though spoke
1 about the cool wave, baby's cold and other
| things, he had nothing to say. | wasn't
| hurt, however. / got into bed and waited.
| 1t wasn't over ten minutes until the odor of
| burning cotton was plain enough in the
room, and | sat up ana gave Mr.. Bowser
dig and asked:
Don't you smell smoker"
smoke he shouted after a sniff or two.
| Il smell fret"
Perhaps the cook lighted the gas with
paper"
perhaps the COMPOUNDED house is etire!
! (he jumps out of bed) of course it is (he
goes to the door. She's all ablaze down
| stairs Fire! Firep'
THE babyT l shouted as ne danced
around, but he was gone, carrying his pam
falcons and one shoe under his arm. He
ran down the hall shoating .'fire!" at the
top Of his voice. came back and grabbed his
necktie and shouted again, and the next l
| heard of him he was In front of the house
| yelling like an Indian. Half dozen men
| were going by on their way home from
| some sort of convention, and they rushed
into the house and soon located the fire. /
| heard Mr.. BOwser telling them that he had
| long expected it, and that he had the most
careless wife In the world, and that he had
not slept sound for three months, and then
| there was pause. They had found the
kettle with the smoking cotton.
l did not hear Mr.. Bowser laughing with
the rest Perhaps he tried TO and it was a
failure. 1t took all the rest of the beer in
| the case to get the men out, and they also
| ate mp all the cheese and crackers, but when
| they had gone Mr. Bowser came upstairs.
He struck every step with the tread of
Roman emperor. Baby aud | were in bed
and apparently sound asleep. He came in,
walked twice around the room with his
hands under his coat-tails, and then doomed
| up over the bed and said
Mrs Bowser, l have come to kiss my
child goodbye before | GO.
| didn't say anything.
Mrs Bowser, shall take the child with
me-"
didn't answer
Mrs. Bowser!'
AT that moment the cook came down the
hall and asked who was there.
"It's l." answered Mr. Bowser
'And what are you doing?"
"N-nothing."
"Then you'd better be in bed ard let the
| poor mi,sus and baby and me get few
| winks of sleep! Such house! Such carry
ings on! Such spontaneous. combustuous
kick-up-a- fustabus! ! give you notice, sir,
| that quit me place before the dishes are
washed in the morning.
She went off to bed, and Mr.. Bowser made
| two more circles of the room, kicked the
| footstool under the bed, and then crept into
| his accustomed place and was snoring away
in the usual manner in less than fifteen
| tninutas -DetrOit Free Pracs