davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
NOT TO DATE.

s:You must see a good deal Of human
nature on the caro- he queried Of the
conductor.
''No, SIR
"You don't! Why, it seems to be just
the place for it.
s'But it isn't
"Why, you surprise me; you must see
many phases Of it,"
''But l don't, sir. I'm working for
fourteen shillings per day and looking
out for women with baby cabs, and if
there is any human nature around it has
to take care of itself. "-Detroit Free
Press.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
AN ORIGINAL BELLE.

Mr.. Lightfoot-"NIiss sumnerileld,
you must pardon me, but really cannot
longer forbear to tell You how much |
love you-oh, Julia, say that you will &C
cept me-"
Miss Summerfcld * Oh--a-- Mr.. Light
foot. This-is-:-so sudden! 1ou-
a--must give me time--'
Mr. Lightfoot-''But do you not know
your own heart! DO not trillc with me.
Speak Suspense would be cruel.
Miss Summeriield-"I f-a-you-must
Tho truth is a-You ;t-Well,
really, Mr.. Lightfoot, 1-a-must say
that-I don't know how to decline
you
Mr. Lightfoot (about to embrace herr
--"My darling, l knew that you loved
me--'
Miss Summerfeld-'Oh, no, you mis-
understand Imean to say that this tell
ing man one will be his sister is such
an awful chestnut that must have time
to think up something else. -Lre.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
on THE VERGE OF A PANIC.

Jackson (whose financial credit is gone)
81 tel! YOU, Witherbee, we are on the
verge of financial panic
Witherbee- ''Pshaw! What makes
YOU think that?'
(Confdentially)--'.Well, sir, Bagley
and Roberts used to lend me small sums
a year ago, but when I 60 to them nova
days for five or a ten, they tell me
frankly that they haven't got it. Bagley
and Roberts are two of our best business
men, too. tell you, sir, we're going to
have a panic. Thine.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
HER OFFER REJECTED.

'Farewell, dearest she sighed, as
she lay against the lapel of his double
breasted coat, ''and, George, you may
kiss me once, on my forehead, ere you
GO
.'Thanks. Angelina thoughtfully
murmured the young man, 'but the last
time l kissed girl on the forehead got
bang in the mouth
A moment later he left the house look
ing as if he had been eating marshmal-
lows. ---H1rr0r1 L0mp00n.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
SIZE FOREsAM TEMPTATION.

'By George" said man last week,
to his wife '.this is delicious weather."
eyes, it is.''
"Almost like summer # Is keeps Ike
this think | will go fishing
''1'hen l viii pray with all my might
for cold wave 1t isn't month since
you joined the church. '-Herehaqt Trar-
riey.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
ROUGH TALK TO A BISHOP.

A venerable and dignified bishop re-
Gently was having his portrait painted
by an eminent artist. After sitting
steadily for about an hour in silence, his
lordship thought he would like to break
the monotony with remark. Accord
ingly he said to the artist: SHOW are
you getting on.'
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
LATE AT THE OBSERVATORY.

Visitor-''Please tell me where I am
to 90. | was invited to see the transit Of
Venus"
Attendant-.:I am extremely sorry,
madam, but you are too late. The tran
sit was over fifteen minutes ago.
"Oh, that's no matter. The Superin
tendent is a friend Of mine, and | am
sure he will have it douc again for me. -"
--Fliegends Blaetter.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08

To the establishment Of his sitter, the
knight Of the palette, absorbed in his
work, thus replied: "Move your head
a little that way, and SHUT your mouth"
Not being accustomed to be spoken 10
in this fashion, the bishop said: "May |
ask you why you address me in this mau-
ner!'
Artist (still absorbed)''1 want 10 take
off a little of your check
Collapse Of the bishop. -lenbS@ BIlde
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
III ALWAYS HAPPENS so.

Toni guess tou know what side
your bread is buttered on, don't yoaI'
Dick-'.I guess | do. It's buttered
on the side that strikes the floor every
time | happen to drop piece Of bread. "
I9nIec Biade.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08

Tramp-s.It's the taxes, mum, that
keep us SO ragged an thin,
Kind Lady spreading him alunch7-
GLOW so2 Do taxes fall heavily on
you!"
mot directly, mum, but they fall 50
heavily on the friends we visit that we
get but few luxuries, and very poer
clothin - Time.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
A CONSIDERABLE DEBTOR.

Collector--"When are you going to
pay this BID? l can't be coming hear
every day in the week"
Debtor-"W Well, what day could you
call on, conveniently:'
II could call on Saturday"
''All right; from now on | shall ex
peet you every Saturday. "-7eras S.tt-
ltgS.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
80 pLEASLEE IN IT.

First Boy-.'No, my mother never
whips me, It don't Do her. any good.
Second Boy-''IloW tlat:'
sWhv, she's deaf, YOU know, and She
cant hear me yell. ''-.NttC Ior4 Sun.
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
VALENTINE.
I only I might sing

II only I might sing
Like birds in spring
Robin, or thrush, or wren,
In grove or glen.
IF only I might suit
To harp or Lutte.
TO chime in tender time
Some touching rhyme
Then I'd not hope in vain
Thine ear to gain,
But now-I halt quail
All! must [ fail?
So small my skill to plead
Ny earnest need,
Love-love is all the plea
bring to thee.
Clinton ScoAard, in tie Ce0taJH
The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1890-03-08
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
The Patriot--NO Pleasure in It
II Always Happens So-Indirect
TaxatiOn-A Considerable
Debtor, Etc. Etc.

Down with a tyrant foe" said lie,
That seeks this happy land:
All the energy that | possess
Ny country may command.
mo arduous labor would | shirli,
No task would | ,listiain,
TO check invasions hateful way
And liberty maintain"
And when he finished his aldfe S
And moved each hearers soul,
His wife had built the kltchea fire
Aud carried i'll the coal.
--Hprchuni Iroreitr
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

WILLIAM BANJAMIN ROWLAND, a
cartman, recently died of phthisis at a
London hospital, and when the doc
tors made post mortem they found a
steel knife blade run into his skull for
an inch and broken off there. It had
been there SO long that the bone had
healed over the spot where it had en-
tered. The blade had passed between
the convolutions of the brain, which
was uninjured. The nearest incident
that could account for the presence of
the blade in the mans brain had oc-
Cured nine months before, when he
was thrown from a wagon and had his
head severely hurt.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

AN idle man had nothing else to do
the other day than to lounge in the
postoffce and see how fair woman mails
letter. The results were very satis-
factory to himself. Out Of thirty young
women who went to cast their epistles
in the slot, twenty-five, by exact cal
culation, withdrew the letter before
quite letting go of it to scan both sides
of the note to be very" sure the letter
was securely sealed, properly adj
dressed, stamped, and to be certain no
one could look through the envelope to
read its contents. Out Of these twenty
two three had forgotten to put stamps
on their letters, and two had to add
something to the address on the en-
velope, while another carried off with
her the letter she had intended to mail.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

The Poughkeepsie, N. Y, girls have
formed sort of organization and have
pledged themselves that not one of
them will ever marry a man who is not
intelligent, honest, industrious, good
natured, cleanly in person and apparel,
healthy, sober, church member, and
abstainer from liquor, tobacco and pro-
family. We are afraid that these
Poughkeepsie maidens are certain to
live and die old maids. Such men as
they are looking ior are to be found
only in, well, in climate far differ
ent from that of the Empire State.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

AN old widow named Catharine
Reed, who lived with her son at Sea-
combe, near Liverpool, passed Christ
mas Eve in public house drinking,
and, leaving at late hour to go home,
did not reach there. The next day her
son identified as hers body that was
washed up on the shore near the town.
The Coroner's jury rendered verdict
that the old woman had fallen into the
water while on her way home intoxica-
ted, and her son collected without
trouble policy he had upon her life.
A week or two ago he received q letter
from woman in the Liverpool work
house, claiming to be his mother and
asking him to deny the arumor" that
she was dead. He thought it was from
an impostor, and paid no attention to
it. A few days later the old woman
herself walked in and insisted that he
should account TO her for that insur-
ance money. The identity Of the wom.
ans double who was found drowned is
as yet unknown.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

EMPEROR WILLIAM has not prohib-
tied dueling in the German army, but
no duel is in future to take place until
there has been thorough inquiry into
all the circumstances by two colonels,
who sre to allow an encounter only If
the provocation was public assault.
to which an apology has been refused,
or when an insult has been offered to
a lady who is relation of the betrothed
Of the challenger. Under no circum-
stances, however, is duel to be per-
mitted when the quarrel has arisen out
of a brawl in a club room, coffee-house,
of any similar place where one of the
parties has already been ''out" three
times or where one of the parties is a
married man with children.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01
ssPrivate, Aliens Story.

In the lobby of the House the other
day "Private" Allen, as the member
from Tupelo. Miss, delights to call
himself, told this thrilling story to q
few interested friends:
Il was driving home across country
one day when, as came in sight Of a
railroad crossing, l saw man violently
waving his hand and struggling to free
himself from what seemed to be some
sort of imprisonment. In an instant
the truth flashed upon me that the man
had caught his foot in frog and could
not get it out. You may judge how
Mortified I was when / saw train COM
ing Just around the curve. I lashed my
horse and fastened to the mans assist
ance, but the train was tearing along
at tremendous rate, and my heart was
sick as I saw I should be too late to
help the poor unfortunate. Heavier
and heavier / laid the lash, but ii was
useless, save to bring me near enough
to hear the doomed mans awful cries.
I could now see the steaming engine
hurling itself down the track and hear
it's frightful kissing as it charged like o
thing Of demoniac life upon the inn
prisoned man. Nearer and nearer it
came, and then the man seemed to give
up the struggle. 1t was too late for
human aid to reach him, too late for the
engineer to stop his train. reined in
my horse and sat paralyzed. just as
the engine was about to strike the poor
man down I closed my eyes. could
not bear to look upon such scene.'
When Mr.. Allen had reached this
point Of the story he put his hands over
his eyes as if to shut out the recollec-
ton Of the awful scene.
WAS the poor fellow killed?' asked
an interested member.
"No," said Mr.. Allen, wasn't hurt a
bit. The train was on the other track. y
- Washington cor. Ne,c York Trd-
baL7le.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01
A Dangerous ssFountipg. =

The more prominent citizens OF q
small Western town had come together
one evening for the purpose Of getting
the sentiment of the community regard
ing the purchase of fountain for the
park in the center of the village.
Several men had expressed them
selves as heartily in favor Of the meas
ure, when penurious elderly resident,
famous for always opposing tina major
ity, rose and said in his squeaking, irri-
table voice:
"Well, gentlemen, / amt in favor of
this founting business, no sir, I amt.
You've went and got park laid out that
the town didn't need, and now you want
to spend more money on useless old
founting. Well, now, s'posing you git
yoar founting, and some day when
there's big crowd around looking at
that founting it blows up and kills four
or five people, and they come on the
town for damidges; then whore will
You be with your founting? Then
you'll wish you'd never had any fount-
ing.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

A DENTIST at Rockville, Me-, has
successfully replanted four teeth in a
boys mouth. The boy was taken to
the dentist about eight hours after an
accident, when the hemorrhage had
ceased. The latter replaced the tract
ured labial portion of the process,
syringed the sockets with solution of
phenal sodique and replaced the teeth
in their natural position. He then
braided them all together with heavy
linen thread. Three weeks after he
removed the support and found the
teeth as firmly implanted as if they
had never been knocked out.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

IT is reported that sixty persons in
France are excited over report that a
a relative Of theirs died in the United
States twenty years ago leaving them
heirs to $4o,0O0,OO0. 1t may be true
that such fortune was left to them,
but if they knew the power of absorp-
tion Of American lawyers they would
be placid in the assurance that at this
late date there is not enough left for a
passage across the briny deep.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01
poison, and then pulled the string, and
was buried beneath tons Of dirt.

A YEAR ago last January the United
States Fish Commission sent to Judge
James G. Swan, of Portland, Ore, 200
Holsters from Woods Holl, Massachu-
setts Bay, to be planted in Puget
Sound. These were carefully planted
by Judge Swan at three points-Scow
Bay, Point Hudson and Point Wilson.
There were also planted $4,000 live
lobster eggs. Of late many of these
Holsters have been seen on their feed
ing grounds, and there is every reason
to believe that they are thriving and
doing well.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

A FATHER and mother in an English
town recently brought an infant to the
rector of the church to be baptized
with the name of "Meekan Lowley." Z"
And another couple, who had evident
ly been reading some article on archi-
lecture, wanted to have their son and
heir called "Gargoyle."
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01
Rural Notes and News.

Air the cellar on mild days.
Mixed farming is the safest.
Use good seed-plant carefully.
Is your wood-house well-flled?
Fat vegetables require fat land
Girls, have fine show Of flowers.
Farm for both profit and pleasure.
Make all tramps work or move on.
Remedy for worry-earnest work.
Be gentle with the colts and calves.
Carefully guard against foreign fires.
Raise plenty of carrots for the horses
'Plow deep while sluggards Sleep"
Keep the poultry house and yard dry.
Confne the fowls on cold, windy days.
Make good seed-bed before planting.
All foods for plants must be soluble to
be available.
Do not remove the mulch from trees
and plants too early.
Ground bone Is good fertilizer to put
around trees in setting them.
Docking and castrating may be done
when the lamb is week old.
Give your fruit trees good soil. They
can not feed and thrive, on nothing.
If you want to feed milk to q lamb use
a tin can with a long spout like an oil
can.
management" This one word has
more meaning on the farm than Is gem
orally suspected.
How many tradesmen and men in
other lines of business are bankrnpted
to one on the farm?
The farm may not yield big profits,
but Is there any other calling so sure to
give.a man his living2
A wash OF fresh buttermillk is said to
kill lice on hogs. The milk needs to be
we'll rubbed into the bristles.
Give the eve clover hay If you have
1t, bran, and crushed oats, and she will
provide the lamb with plenty OF milk.
The worlds available supply OF wheat
on March / was 12,z50, 900 quarters,
against t4,000,00o quarters year ago.
A well-managed creamery In d cons
munity will give the community q prosr
perity that it has never before known.
Prepare your ground we'll before
planting, cultivate we'll and, barring
accident, the harvest will not disapp0int
you.
Plant the garden so that YOU can
have regular succession OF vegetables.
Plant small fruit with the same end in
view.
The scrub animal has pedigree.
which BY adverse circumstances has a
downward instead Of an upward ten
dency.
Every man should try to furnish him
self with all necessary tools and not rely
too much on the good nature Of his
neighbors
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

ONE Of the most remarkable suicides
recorded in the annals Of self-destruc-
ton occurred near Chiquet, N. b., re-
Gently. Before committing the rash
act, the self-murderer, w. r. T. Jones,
dug his grave and placed rough cof.
FIN Of his own make at the bottom.
The dirt from the grave was kept from
rolling back into the excavation BY
boards held IN place BY trigger, tc
which string was attached. Every.
thing in readiness, the deliberate Mr..
Jones, % subsequent developments re-
yealed, got in the coffin, took : dose q
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

PRINCE HATzFELDT is heavily in
debt, and Mr.. Huntington, the prin-
cess father, has offered to do his share
toward satisfying the creditors, if
Hatzfeldt's mother, who is enormously
wealthy, will meet him half way. She
refuses, and she is right. What did
her son, scion Of the Furstenburgs,
marry the daughter of a vulgar Ameri-
can millionaire for, snyway?
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

A FEMALE of the African persuasion
has lately died in Kentucky, at the
age of 1876 years, probably from the ex-
cessive use of tobscco. She commenced
it about 100 years ago, and never in
termitted until death snatched her
away with the pipe still lighted.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

BIsRoP POTTER, speaking of the
rush Of our modern life, says: @Well
nigh everybody in great city is driv-
ing an engine. He is running himself
on a schedule, and the demand upon
him all the while is to crowd just q
little more work, or sport, or excite
ment into the day than his nervous
machinery will stand"
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

TOBACCO smoke quickly contaminates
delicate fruit of all kinds. A few
whiffs blown upon a box of raspberries
will entirely destroy the delicate flavor
of the fruit and render it unpalatable.
The same may in a degree be said of
strawberries.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

A MAN who wants to be Register and
Recorder Of Warren County, Pennsyl
vania, announces himself thus: "A
true patriot should be willing to serve
his country at all times. I, having
served three years when war was in
the land and patriots needed, now de-
sire to serve three years when peace
and goodwill prevail"
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

AT Huntington, W. Va, a young
man who had escorted young lady to
the theater fell sad victim to the per-
nicious habit of going out between the
acts. About the second time he went
out to see o man his fair companion
arose, invited friend to accompany
her home and gracefully retired.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

To AN interviewer who visited him
recently, Mr.. Gladstone made the as
tonishing statement that if the first
line of any page in Homer was given to
him as cue he could repeat the en-
tire page, word for word, in the
original Greek.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01
Lack Of Servant Girls.

Peopls who employ servants in the
cities Of Montana have cause to COM
plain Of the scarcity of women. Hun
dreds Of girls come to Hell
ena and Butte each month
looking for work, which they secure
without difficulty at wages ranging from
twenty to forty dollars month. After
spending month in the city, they learn
that they can get better wages and have
much better chance Of securing hus-
band and home of their own by going
out to some one of the numerous mining
camps, which they immediately pfo-
ceed to do, and the housewife is forced
again, perhaps for the thousandth time,
to initiate another pilgrim domestic.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

A CLERGYMAN of New Bedford, who
has been preaching long time, adver-
tises 700 sermons for sale. They cover
every subject, and will suit any local
ity. He wants 81 apiece for the lot il
taken in lump.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

IT is estimated that from $50, 1000 to
800, 900 worth of nitrate of silver and
gold is used every year by the photog-
raphers Of the United States in max
ing the millions of photographs. If
this waste could be saved it would
bring down the cost of the pictures i'm
mensely.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

THE table upon which Oliver Crom-
well signed the death warrant OF
Charles L was sold recently to Lon
don antiquary for $40.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

LOVE is blind, and when the old
bachelor boarder in the room over the
parlor is kept awake till midnight by
the intermittent grumble of q deep bass
voice in the room below, he cannot help
wishing that it was deaf and dumb as
well.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01
TOPICS OF THE TIMES
& Choice Selection of Inter.
esting Items.

THE number of floods in China last
year was remarkable. Scarcely a
province escaped, and the distress was
widespread.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

ScoToHMEN banqueting in London
are now entertained with music Of real
Northern bagpipes, played into q
phonograph and sent down to London
bv express.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-05-01

The new two-cent stamp Is smaller
than the old one and easier to lick.
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1890-09-18
THE JEWISH NEW YEAR.
Peculiarities OF the Hebrew Calendar
Day Of Atonement.

Peculiarities OF the Hebrew Calendar
Day Of Atonement-
The Rash-ha-shoo-noO or Jewish New
Year, which has just passed, was so largely
observed in Seattle by the Hebrews that
the greater feast to come next week-that
OF Yom-kip-poor. or the day of atonement
will doubtless be more generally observed
than any Hebrew festival ever held in
the city.
The new Jewish year which has just CON-
menced has 353 (defective). 354 (regular),
or 355 (complete) days. This is the COM
mon year. The addition Of one day to the
regular so as to make the year complete. or
the omission of one day SO as to make it
defective, is due to certain considerations
to avoid that certain holidays should fall
on certain days of the week. The leap
year has thirteen months. or 1888 (de-
fective), 3s4 (regular), 3s5 (full) days, the
addition or omission being made for thu
same reason. The Jewish year is q lunar
year, but not movable; that is to say. il is
bound to the solar year, as in the appoint
ment of the festivals the seasons of the
year have 10 be considered. In order to
avoid the holidays falling in seasons other
than those ordered in the Bible. seven
leap years of thirteen months, the month
before the Easter season being intercalate
occur in q cycle of nineteen solar years,
the third, sixth. eighth. eleventh, four
tenth. seventeenth and nineteenth years
of the cycle being intercalary years
Yom-kip-poor services by the Ohaveth
Sholum congregation commence on Tues
day evening next and last until the next
evening.