Arizona weekly citizen., 1890-04-26
SWOPPEo TROUSERS.
How Captain Collier and Sheriff Wallace
 Got Into the Wrong Pants.


 Got Into the Wrong Pants.
 Captain Collier, a well-known river man and coal merchant of Cincinnati, related a thrilling incident in his ca- reer. He and ex-Sheriff Wallace were neighbors one summer, when ths weather and the dscrees of fashion forced every body, even a coal merchant and sheriff, to wear white duck pants.
 Captain Collier and MT. Wallace were opposites in the matter of physical pro- portions, the captain being large man and MT. Wallace considerably under sized.
 They had the same washerwoman, and one Sunday morning she delivered the captains large and commodious duck pants to Sheriff Wallace and Sheriff Wallace's meager duck pants to Captain Collier.
 ''I was always kicking about some thing when I had to get ready for church." said Captain Collier, land my wife had got so she paid little attention to me. She had the children to look af ter, anyhow, and naturally thought could look after myself. But those cuss- ed pants, they stuck so internally that it is no wonder Igrowled at the laundry woman for shrinking them, and offered to bet that if I ever succeed cd in getting into the things l would never get out again. My wife did not sympathize with me, bus continued to busy herself with the chis- dren, only admonishing me now and then not to be the biggest baby of all, but to stir my stumps and get ready for church. l tugged and sweat and sweat and tugged. At last got into the con- founded trousers, which were so tight at every point that they actually choked me. We were late, of course, and of we hustled for church, my wife looking sf. ter the children and leaving me to taBs care of myself. We got to church ffn. ally, but think if we had had another block to walk would have dropped dead with heart-failure or something like that.
 Not until was walking down the aisle ahead of her did Mrs. Collier take notice of my style, and then, as she said afterwards, she thought she would sink through the floor with shame and morti- flcation, and all on account of those ab- normally tight brooches of mine, the like of which she believed had never been seen outside of a circus. She got me into our pew and concealed me from observation as best she could. She leaned over and asked me, in pity's name, where had got those pants. had nothing to conceal in the matter, and told her that had got them out of the bundle that Mrs. Rubadub had brought home.
 Presently Sheriff Wallace and his family came in. The sheriff had on a pair of white duck pants that simply hung on him, and that was all. He had | them turned up at the bottom and | trussed up at the top, besides being | reefed in around the waist. But if the | sheriff had had an eye for the eternal | unftness of things, and particularly | trousers, he must have seen that he was | wearing garments that were never made | fer him. Mr. wal1sce-s pew was on the | opposite side of the aisle from mine. | After they had been seated few mo- ments l was considerably embarrassed | to see Mrs. Wallace looking at my duck | pants and then at her husbands. Then saw my wife looking at MT. Wallace's duck pants and then at mine. The two women looked at each other and laugh ed. The awful situation had dawned | upon them, and finally it dawned upon Wallace and me. The sermon? We'll, I think the minister preached powerful sermon on eternal punishment, but l was not sure of it, and neither was the sheriff.
 "When the sermon was finished I for Wallace to come over into ny pew, as I wished to confer with him, put he shook his head. He beckoned ne to come into his pew, but I would nave suffered martyrdom before I would nave stirred before all those people. We sent our families out with the rest 'f the congregation, and when the ,hurch was empty we called the minis CT up to us and made frank statement 'f the case to him. The preacher was man and good Christian, nd through his loving kindness we were permitted to glide into his private oom and exchange our trousers. "-N. [. World.