, 1890-07-02
THE ElFFgL TOWER TO BE ouTooNE.
american Patriots Decide to Build
Great wall.

n ElFFEG TOWER TO BE OUTCOME
american Patriots Decide to Build n
Great Wall.
The Nineteenth century is the greatest
Of centuries for high building. The
Washington monument at the national
capital is sos feet high, and is the high
est monument in the world. After it
was finished the city of Philadelphia de-
termined not to be outdone, and so it
was decided that the tower OF the new
city hall should be five feet higher than
the Washington monument, but it is not
yet finished
These were, Of course, efforts to beat
Europe, bat last year the French built
their Eiffel tower at Paris, which is about
1000 feet high. This naturally aroused
the spirit of American enterprise, for we
all know that we can build higher than
the effete nations of the Old World when
we try.
Congress has taken the matter up and
has determined that we shall hold the
first place as high builders. Two com
mittees were appointed upon the as
sembling of congress in December to de-
wise ways and means for satisfying this
laudable desire of American patriots.
These committees have been working
diligently ever since their appointment,
and many specialists have been in con-
sultation with them. The specialists
were almost unanimous in their patriotic
support Of the ideas of the committees.
1t may seem singular that two COM
mittees were appointed for this purpose;
but, in fact, it has been found that this
was the best thing that could have been
done-the committees rival each other
in their praiseworthy endeavor. neither
one wishing to be outdone by the other.
1t is also very gratifying to note that the
less prominent committee has beer will
ing to make its plans with reference to
those OF the other committee.
Every American will be glad to learn
that the two committees have at last
worked out plans that will lay the Eifel
tower in the shade. The chief of these
committees reached the conclusion that
it would be much more striking to the
world and much more in keeping with
the greatness of America to let our struct-
ure take some other form than that of a
tower. A tower is at best in one place
only, and it can be seen from a very linn
tied distance. In order to obviate this
difficulty and to give all our people and
the who'll world besides an opportunity
to see u high structure most conven-
iently, 1t was decided to build a great
wall along the sea coast and along our
Canadian and Mexican borders.
At the seaports a kind of trap door,
like a flood gate, is to be built in the wall,
which will be SO constructed as to let
all ships pass through which are going
outward with our grain and other prod
ucts; but these doors are so cunningly
devised that ships attempting to come in
with the goods of other countries are
turned aside and dashed in pieces against
the wall.
This wall is to be much higher thar
the Eiffel tower, and it will, doubtless,
become the wonder of future ages. It
will not only be remarkable for its great
height and solidity of construction, but
also for its remarkable effects upon the
wealth Of the people.
As the trap doors at the seaports can
only open outward, our ships can go
freely to foreign lands with our goods
and that will make us rich. Moreover,
as the ships of other lands cannot come
in through these gates at all, we shall
escape the calamity of cheap, pauper
made foreign wares, and. therefore, we
shall grow still richer.
Now the other committee has devised
a plan of equal wisdom. 1t has observed
that we have few ships upon seas
and that when swift winged maidens
encircle the globe they return very sor-
sowful of spirits because they do not see
the stars and stripes at all on distant
waters. The committee has therefore
determined in its wisdom that this dis
grace shall no longer sadden the hearts
of swift winged maidens: and it now
proposes to take vast sums of money
from the treasure houses at Washington
and pay men to build great ships and
go forth upon the seas to plant the
American fag-this being very easy. as
the trap doors in the Mckinley wall, for
so it is called by some of wicked mind
will permit the ships to pass through and
bear the flag forth upon the vast and bill
Lowry deep.
And thus it appears that the labor OF
our two committees will produce the de-
sired result. We shall have the highest
wall in the world and our empty ships
shall float their flags more proudly than
all the heavily freighted vessels of less
fortunate nations.