The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-11-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

to live by jumping his board. Einsira
Gazette.
You are bound to hate. the man who
knows YOU are liar.-Neo Orleans
Picayune.
A great barcarole-That the dog
PLAYS when baving the moon at night.
boston Herald.
Some men buy umbrellas. some men
achieve them. and some get wet and
swear.-7eras Sytings.
Deaf aud dumb people are generally
musical; it is rare to find one that can
not play the symbols. BinghanatoS
Republican.
Poet-"I sent you some verses this
morning. Editor-..All right. I'll
see that you get them back right away"
N. Y. World.
There are few men who can live
without an income. and perhaps fewer
still that can live within one.-Bing-
hanst0n Lender.
A lover differs from some medical
prescriptions in that he cannot very
well be shaken before he is taken
BiaghG1nt0n Leader.
Miss De Muir-"Papa always gives
me Il book US Il birthday gift" Miss
De Meanor-'.What IA fine library YOU
must have!"-LJe.
She-''What's poacher. JackP"
He-''A fellow who steals the game"
She-"Why. you told me tina, was an
umpire. The Jester.
1t is generally supposed that it was
due TO the fact that Absalom wore his
hair In Fauntleroy that he died so
young.-N T. Commercial
Philanthropist-''I suppose this lazi-
ness is bred in You fellows Tramp
Not by durn sight. I'm as empty
as vacuum. IN T. Herald
He-"What do you call that dress?"
She Tin aesthetic gown This? o,
this is liberty" Howell. if that's
liberty, give me death. "-Harper's b.
gar.
Youngly-"I How did You come to
know that YOU were in love with me.
dearie?n Debutante (blushingly)-'I
felt that was an awful fool."-N Y.
Sun.
That fellow. with his predictions.
reminds me of a Roman augur." He
hits the facts so often?" mo, he's
such a terrible bore" y Philadelphia
Times.
Clergyman-''Your sins will find you
out" Reprobate-'I wish they would.
The trouble just now is that they find
me in when they call on me. IN y
Herald.
when were You born. Prof. Great
head?" The 18th day of May, 1882
or '33-I am not sure; but you will
find it in the encyclopaedia. File
gende Btaetter.
Humorist-''M output of Jokes is
now hundred a week" Friend
ninety" "Dollars?" No; jokes
Harper's Bazar.
why is she so cool toward you?"
''Well. you see she was my summer
girl. She couldn't change to an au-
tumn girl without cooling off little. :"
N. Y. Herald.
'Iime is money. my boy. Remem-
Der that" Il think there must be
some mistake about that, father. It's
SO hard to pass in some localities. -
Ha1per's Bazdr.
The time passed very pleasantly in
the parlor. and it was not till the clock
and the neighboring bells struck one
that the lateness of the hour struck
two.-Boston Beacon.
A scandalmonger is person who
talks to our neighbors about us. An
entertaining talker is a person who
tells us mean stories about our neigh
ors.-Munsey's Weekly.
He-"How would you like to spend
the honeymoon in Lapland?" She-'I
wouldn't like to. That's where we
passed the most of courtship, you
know. "-Boston Herald.
Your account has been standing a
long time. Mr.. Dukey." Then give
it a seat, my dear Shears" VERY
glad to. sir; shall we make it a re-
ceipt?" Ctothier and Furnisher.
$50 you want to leave me, Greteh-
emp am very sorry; but, of course,
if you think YOU can do better"
That's not so at all. marin; I'm going
to be married. Fliegende 3taetter.
Miss Anglo Children in America
do not appear to pay the proper
amount of respect to age" Miss
Gotham-''And suppose that annoys
you very much. "-Boston Transcript.
Surgeon CATER the railroad accident
| to wounded Where are
you hurt, sir?" Passenger-"IIow do
you expect me to know? I'm one of
officers of the company."-N. Y. Sun.
There is something crooked about
| the law of retribution. 1t isn't the
woman just in front with the big hat
who gets her foot stepped on when the
man goes in pursuit of cloves. Wash
ington Post.
Boggs-''That was very restful
sermon this morning" Trotter -
.'Restful? Why, was nearly tired to
death. 1t was fully an hour long"
Boggs-"That just it. slept through
it all."-N. y. Herald.
Lawyer Hubble-'The Fifth National
has failed and have been victimized!"
| Old Fobbs-"Really! The news must
have quite upset YOU" Lawyer Hub
| ble-'.No. l was not upset. but lost
my balanca.-Racket.
| Let me illustrate the difference be-
tween capital and labor" said the rich
uncle to the impeunious nephew. Sup
pose | gave you 500. and" That's
capitals" replied the nephew. extend
ing his hand for the money.-Boston-
| ian.
Prof. Strabismus-'.Now. young gen
tlemen, you have heard a brief account
of the condition of trade in this coun-
| try. What is our most pressing need?
| Mr.. Bloxem. you may answer" Mr..
Bloxem-"A really good five-cent CT
gar. Epoch.
Miss Rosebud Cat her first race)-
land who did you say that gentleman
| ia the sack suit WASP" Mr.. Styaightip
| 20 that is S, the bookmaker."
Miss Rosebud (enthusIastically)-"Do
| bring him up and introduce him. You
| know l dotc upon authors. Brooklyn
Life