New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1890-07-05
AN EXPERIENCED MANAGER.
HE WANTED TO CONDUCT A SUICIDE.
so HE WOULD TAKE ALL THE TROUBLE HIM
SELF IF HE COULD GET A MAN 70
DROWN HIMSELF.


DROWN HIMSELF.
He was one OF the sad-eyed strangers. indeed MS
whole appearance was mournful. His clothes had ier
the hands Of the tailor, II tailor ever had anything
do with them a long time ago. HIS race haa ths
r,eved EXPRESSION of q man whose ambitions had been
60 often stranged and who had suffered so many crush
ing dsappointments that he felt that life was not wnas
II was popularity supposed to be- There was passive
faraway light in his watcry eye as ne sat on the po
of lumber and looked toward the lower bay. wheh
man came down the pier and stood there gazing INTO
49, rotnr the mournful stranger slowly got up and
raacI,v dragged himself to the place where 'hs
man was He looked at the man a long ume' wniis
the other kept his eyes moodily Turned away
stranger, he said at last with long drawi' you
are going TO commit SUICIDE
The other looked at him in contemptuous silence
IL can see 1t in your face, my Ir1enu' i'u OIL"
going TO commit suicide
He waited for an answer, but none came.
aYes.n he went on, not In the least discouraged
AZ 1T very plainly
The would be suicide impatieptly turned MS oacA'
~Ob. don't think that want TO discourage you.
have often thought Of doing the same thing mysen ana
| honor you for your resolve NO douot sh"l ''"'
day follow your admirable example,
aYou know too much" said the other grrfiy, speak
inc for the first time "Mnd your own business and
I'll mind mine.'
aNo. my friend that isn't the way to look at It,
T am vour friend Now I'll tell you what want TO DO
I am by nature and training manager. want 70
sec If I can't conduct frstclass suicide. oon'
mind telling you since you are soon TO leave this
word-oh. don't shake your head you need not be
afraid to be honest with me- don't mind telling
YOU, I say, that have not been very successful
manager. had poor luck with three walking matches
and sneerng people have said that my athletic games,
picnics and other schemes were almost failures bus
YOU see suicide Is such very simple affair. I
81 wish you would stop your idiouc 'aiA' HUT
posed the man addressed
"simplest thing in the world, tell you
"simple n was the answer with groan.
@Of course 1t doesn't seem easy TO you, for you
aren't an experienced manager But TO me u IS inc
simplest matter in the world. understand how to 90
these things, you know You'll have no trouble or
care at ALL will attend TO all the arrangements ana
look after everything All that you will have to DO
will be to commit suicide. and that viii be mere chlcs
play will take care OF the rest
"win your sarcastically.
81 would advise you to put a new collar and tie.
You needn't black your boots. for the water viii ruin
the shine anyway"
His listener shivcred.
al take q card,s the manager OF suicides continued
complacently and write 1t where you were born'
your age and where you would like to have your
body taken another shiver). Then add some pretty
sentiment like Life Is Of mingled web,' etc. sign
your namely the way, what is your name' can
fix the card while we are talking over the plan"
"The deuce you cant"
This affair guarantee will be satisfactory in every
way II it isnt-but Of course you VIII be dead ana
l could not give you satisfaction. However !
be satisfactory" He did not notice the look Of hor
ror that was called forth by his coldblooded pro-
posal. 49,;
as said before
no trouble to you. take it all. When We have
arranged everything we come down TO the pier again.
You take off your hat and bow to the city in mock
respect ,ror,ts
Well we can dispense with the bow. That's only
a minor detail. Having placed you in position near
the edge OF the pier ask you If you are ready and
you say that you are"
Certainly. We must have this suicide properly
conducted am as particular In small affairs as
in large ones: Then ! say: 'One-two-threeP and
successful go tie police station and report your
case If you prefer Will also look after the body.
See here you cold blooded ANIMAL said the other
hercely, wheeling and looking him in the eye, 81 did
come down here TO drown myself"
"of COURSE" answered the manager calmly. Il
"But I'll be hanged before I drown myself now"
the other went on savagely, not needing the inter
be cAuceg oS II he @ a o NTH to a% tsS
held over mel Do you think starting for the other
world is like beginning female bicycle racel When
like you have left the world. have great mind to
throw YOU into the river yourself you frozen- veined,
packed-in-ice CONCEALED floor Of refrigerator
sax that you Amt going to commit suicide after all
And offer TO take all the trouble. You amt going to
drown yourself'' He waited pathetcany.
nor cut my throat, you chopped-oa block of an Ice
berg
back to his lumber pile sat down and pondered on
the ingrattude Of man.