Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-08-31
THE TOPICAL TALkER,

n SuperstfttOu Vnnt Bars DeuonenoH-Iue
Ominous Yellow Clnrionet--How Grip.
man Missed Forfune-Bottles Not Bar.
reIs-A Newsboy's Knowledge of Hu.
man Nature.
"WAIra minute, young man." said Colonel
Sam Dawson to forid youth with Law
ender colored trousers and a silk hat, swat a
minutel You've got pass and it's all right, but
you can't be the first man to enter this house
tonight"
Colonel Dawson was standing at the parquet
door of the Bijou Theater when he said this.
and it was in his little Office under the stairs
that he explained himself thus: "You see
that gay youth had pass and when he pre-
sented it not a soul was in the theater. He
would have been the first to enterit IL / had not
stayed his footsteps. And then the Bijou would
have been hoodooed for the rest Of its exist
ence, sure as eggs. I'm not ,superstitious
man, but as long as Pm running theater I'll
never let a deadhead be the first man In the
house at any performances. It's the worst KIND
of luck; never knew it to fail. Standing order
at the Bijou is that the first man In the house
every night or at the matinees must pay bis
way Every theatrical man knows this. I've
had to keep deadheads waiting often for this
reason. Pm not superstitious barring yellow
clarionets, though when 1 slept in No. lS at
mazoo-but can't stand a deadhead inside the
house till some cash customers are there ahead
of him."
oA ND are yellow clarionets evil omensT
"Evil?" repeated Colonel Dawson, ''well.
L should smile. You can bet that if Mr.. Gard
ner were to come down to the footlights now
and see yellow clarionet in the orchestra he'd
have the curtain rung down before you could
say 'Gesundheitp
And an actor who was standing by took up
the topic with: II shall never forget the run Of
bad luck that followed our show after we
played at a small town In Michigan three
years ago and a fat man in the orchestra
played solo between the. acts on yellow
clarionet. He'd been beating the base drum
all through the first act--it was light opera.
very light. with lots of drum to exc 1t out.
None of us suspected him of any evil inten-
tions, and we didn't catch sight Of the yellow
clarionet till the curtain went up on the
second act 1t was too late then. We
we're only playing one night stands.
The next night the Treasurer skipped
with the receipts; and the night after
that the comedian filed up on rye till he
couldn't see a friend in his mother. and he
shot the tenor through the feshy part of his
right calf-and of course he couldn't sing after
that Aweek later the company was stranded.
Don't let me See yellow ciarionetr'
oTT was true bill the story THE DISPATCH
had the other day about the stuffed
pocketbook," said a Fifth avenue cable grip
man yesterday, 'and something Of the
same sort happened to me not long ago.
wasn't taken In. but it was aggravating all the
same. 1t was as we were coming along by the
convent at Oakland that I saw on the track q
wallet, leather wallet. 1t was fat wallet,
with prosperous look about it, I'd have
stopped the car, 1 was SO dead sure that wal
let held Doodle, If The Colonel had not been
sitting behind me. didn't feel like gambling
with my bread and butter, you know.
car, and l told him to drop Of
and get the pocketbook-Tn pick
you mp as I come back says I, and you can
tell me what the wallets worth The boy got
of-but on the return trip he wasn't to be seen,
and I've never laid eyes on him since. Guess
he's retired on that wallet"
THE day they struck oil on his place he
couldn't resist the temptation to cele-
brate. You'd have thought he'd struck whisky
instead of oil if you'd met him when night fell.
He was "boiling full" as the wicked say. Some
one who did not thoroughly comprehend his
condition asked him for particulars about the
well.
How many barrels is 1t. old man p
Barrels Y' said the oil-and-whisky-stricken
man somewhat thickly. Barrels, dye sayf
dom know-wha's the difference how many
barrels-whar I wan ter knows how many
bottles it's good for-that's the stuff, |" and he
waved a whisky bottle wildly in the air.
~A Ii about the robbereer' sang small
newsboy on Fifth avenue yesterday. till
an elder and more experienced vendsr said to
him: what yer saying robbery fer. yer
chump3 Why don't yer say murder; robbery's
chestnutp
And the corrected cry resounded
HEPBURN JOHNS.