The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1890-02-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


First Butcher-"How's business9"
Second Butcher-"Tough."
The man who turns over a new leaf too
often will soon use up his ledger.
The natives of Alaska are a cold and
distant people. Philadelphia Inquirer.
The weigh of the transgressor is any
thing less than sixteen ounces to the
pound.
There is a wide difference between the
clock on the mantel and the "Watch on
the Rhine"
Don't allow yourself to be carried
away by enthusiasm-you may have to
walk back.--PhiIadelphia Press.
Customer-"W What's that bird on the
clock for2" Dealer-"That's to help
time fly. -Binghamton Republican.
"No mans work is undone." "NIine
is-always" "What is your business4"
"Im collector. n-Nunsey's Weekly.
In the spring the young sprig's fancy
lightly turns to thoughts of love. The
trees become sappy about the same time.
Time.
Rich Patient-"H you better
bleed me, doctorl" Physician-'Well,
not until the end of the quarter. ."-Mun-
sey's Weekly.
The Western Mayor who refused to
"let the dead past bury its dead, " with
out permit, wilted when informed that
it had poetic license. Time.
The glut.on differs greatly from 4
The tramp who hungers in the street;
The former always eats too long,
The latter always longs to eat.
Chicago Herald.
People who engage in turkey shooting
matches must expect to be cheated.
How can there be anything fair about
such fowl ontest?-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
He-'I suppose you are very busy
nowadays preparing your poem for COM
mencement" She-"Oh, yes, indeed.
I've tried the waist on twice already
Judge.
''Shes nothing but thief, but when
l engaged her was told she had been
ten years in her last place" $50 she
vas. The place was Sing Sing."-
Huasey'S Weekly.
An Illinois woman broke her wrist
trying to raise car window. There's
pluck for you. Most women would
have crippled every man in the car first.
-BuliHgton Free Press.
Suitor-'I love your youngest daugh-
te, sir" Pater-''Umph! l suppose
you've heard that have settled dowry
on my eldest daughter2" Suitor-"In
that case, sir, love her. ."-EFoch.
Their First and Only Chance.-First
Man (excitedlO-"Ourb boarding house is
on fire" Second Man (calmly)-"Come,
then, hurry up and perhaps we may be
able to get something hot. Jury.
A Young Married Couple.-"Why,
Charles, if didn't actually see you yawn
Just now" "'Well, dearest, you know
that we are now one, and never can
keep awake when I'm alone. Judge.
"What do you think of my collection
of chronological specimensl" asked an
enthusiastic bug collector Of Cumso.
"Well," replied Cumso, ''you can see
for yourself that there are flies on it,
Time.
Little Freddy-"God made every
thing, didn't He2" Mr.. Stickney--
eyes, Freddy, and He made everything
for some purpose" Little Freddy
(musingly)-''I wonder what He made
you for. "-EPoeh
Cid Maid (who wants portrait of her
dog)-'Do you take instantaneous photo
graphs here" Photographers Boy
''Yes, ma'am; run right in, and he'll
take you afore you're minute older. -
NeiO York Weekly.
An old beggar is seated in a doorway
with placard hung about his neck in
scribcd: "Blind from birth" Another
mendicant passing by reads the inscrip-
tiou and comments thus. "My eyel
didn't he begin the biz youugG"--
Jadge.