davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
INDIAN HUMOR.
He IL Quick at Discovering His Adversary's
Weak Points.

He il Quick at Discovering His Adversary's
Weak Points.
North American Revlew.1
The Indian has a keen appreciation of
humor, and is like child in his mirthful-
ness. No orator can see the weak points in
his adversary's armor or silence foolish
speaker more quickly. Old Shah-bah-skong,
the head chief of Mile Lac, brought all his
warriors to defend Fort Ripley in 1862. The
Secretary of the Interior, and the Governor
and Legislature Of Minnesota, promised
these Indians that for this act of bravery they
should have the special care of the Govern
later, q special agent was sent from Washing
ton to ask the Ojibways to cede their lands
and remove to country north of Leech
Lake. The agent asked my help. said:
II know that country. I have camped on
it. 1t is the most worthless strip of land in
Minnesota. The Indians are not fools.
Don't attempt this folly. You will surely
come to grief" He called the Indians in
council, and said: "My red brothers, your
great father has heard how you have been
wronged. He said, 4 will send them an
honest man. He looked to the North, the
South, the East and the West. When he
saw me he said, This is the honest man
whom I will send to my red children
Brothers, look at mel The winds of 81 years
have blown over my head and silvered it
over with gray, and in all that time have
never done wrong to any man. As your
friend, I ask you to sign this treaty."
Old Shah-bah-skong sprang to his feet
and said: "My friend, look at mel The
winds of more than 30 winters have blown
over my head and silvered il over with
gray; but they have not blown my brains
away"
That council was ended.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30

| the sign, "Drugs and Real Estate
presume it meant medicine and small
residence lot in the cemetery.
In early days in Denver, Henry @. Brown,
then in the full flush and vigor of manhood,
had some talk with the agent of the Atchi-
as he was heart broken and homesick. He
had quarter section Of land, with a heavy
growth of prairie dogs on it, and he had al
most persuaded the agent to swap him q
stage ticket for this sage brush conserva-
tory, when he gently backed out of the
trade. Mr.. Brown then sat him down on
the sidewalk and cried bitterly.
Just tell this TO show how easily some
men weep. Atchison is at present SO dead
that good cowboy, with an able mule, could
tie to its tail and. putting his spurs to the
mule, jerk loose the entire pelt at any time,
while Browns addition to Denver is worth
anywhere from 81, 100000 to $1,000 900.
When Mr. Brown weeps now it is because
his victuals are too rich and give him the
gout. he sold prairie dogs enough to fence
the land in so that 1t could not blow into
Cherry Creek vale, and then he set to work
earnestly to wait for the property to ad-
vance. Finding that he could not sell the
property at any price, he, with great fore
sight, concluded to retain it. Some men,
with no special ability in other directions,
nave the BreateSb genius iOr oOlng sucn
things, while others, with greater genius in
other ways, do not make money in this way.
A report got around some time ago that
had made a misguess on some property.
This is partly true, only it was my wife who
speculated. She had never speculated much
before, though she had tried other open air
amusements. So she snapped cottage and
lots in Hudson. Wis, for city lots in Mime
apolIs, employing a man named Flinton
Pansley to do the trading, look into the title
and do the square thing for her. He was
real good man, with heavenly aspirations
and real sorrow in his heart for the pre-
vslence of sin. Still his sorrow did not
break in on his business. Well, the busi-
ness was done BY correspondence
and Mr.. Pansley only charged a rea-
sonable amount, she giving him her
new carriage to remunerate him for
his brain fag. What the other man
paid him for disposing of the lots do not
know. was away at the time, and having
no insect powder with which to take his
life, spared him to his Bible class.
I did send man over the lots, however,
when returned. They were not really in
the city of Minneapolis; that, is, they were
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
CORN KILLERS,
Six Different Recipes That Are Warranted
TO kiiI or Cure.

Six Different Recipes That Are Warranted
TO Kill or Cure.
By cutting a notch ON green elder stick
for every wart person may have, rubbing
the stick on every wart, and then burying it
in the barnyard until it rots, the warts may,
it is said, be cured.
One way to get rid of warts is for the per-
son to see funeral pass Unexpectedly, ,wher-
ever it may be, and as it passes rub the
warts quickly and repeat the words: "Warts
and corpses pass away and never more re-
turn"
Warts may be cured by taking a black
snail, rubbing it on all the warts at night,
and impaling the snail on thorn bush, re-
peating the process nine consecutive nights,
by which time both the warts and the snail
will be shriveled up.
Select as many pebbles as you have warts,
sewing them up in small bag, take them
to where four roads cross and throw the bag
over the left shoulder. If. by chance, any
other person should find the bag and open it
the warts will appear on his hand.
If a person with warts on his hands will
write down the number of them on the band
of a tramp's hat without the tramp knowing
it, he will carry the warts away with him
that is, they gradually disappear from the
persons hands and appear on those of the
tramp.
Green peas may be used to advantage in
taking off warts. Let the afflicted person
take as many peas as he has warts and
touch each wart with different pea. He
must then wrap each pea in a separate piece
of paper and bury them secretly in the
shade of an ash tree or under hazel lush.
Chicago Herald.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30

re ocean, where he keepa re Lighthouse. He
learn to himself how to manage re light
house one seasong; then he try by himself
to star"
Now, if she would do some of those things
on the stage. it would pay her first rate.
Last week visited Wyoming good deal
and met many old friends, all of whom
shook me warmly by the hand as soon as
they saw me. I visited the Capitol, and
both houses adjourned for an hour out of
respect to my memory. I will never say
anything mean of member of the Legis-
lature again. A speech of welcome was
made by the gentleman from Crook county,
MIR. Kellogg, the Demosthenes OF the COM
ing State. He made statements about me
that day which in the paper read almost as
good and truthful as an epitaph.
Going over the hill, at Crow creek, whose
perfumed waters kiss the livery stables and
abattoirs at Camp Carlin, three slender
Sarah Bernhardt coyotes came toward the
train, looking wistfully at me as who should
say: why, partner, how you have feshed
up" Answering them from the platform of
the car, said: "Go east, young men. and
flesh up with the country" Honestly and
seriously, do think that If the coyote
would change of and try the soft shell crab
for awhile, he would pick right up.
leu SOt W LaTaWle Clty Lue welcome
was so warm thar it almost wiped out the
memory of my shabby welcome in New
York harbor last summer on my return from
Europe. when even my band went back on
me and got drunk at Coney Island on the
very money had given them to use in well
coming me home again.
The Pacific roads have greatly improved
in recent years. and though they do not
dazzle one with their speed they are much
more comfortable to pass a few weeks on
than they were when the eating houses, or
many of them, were in the hands of people
who could not cook very we'll, but who made
great deal of money. Now you can eat
from good buffet car at your leisure or a
first class dining car, or you can stop off
and get good meal, or you can carry few
hens and eat hard boiled eggs all over your
neighbors.
do not think people on the cars ought to
keep hens. 1t disturbs the other passengers
and is anything but agreeable to the hens.
Close confinement is never good for hen
that is advanced in years, and the cigar
smoke from the rear of the car hurts her
voice, think. BILL NYE.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
ANTIQUES IN CLOTHING.
Felix Morris Has n Collection That He
Values Highly.

Felix Morris Has n Collection That He
Values Highly.
Clothier and Furnisher.1
Why should there not be curios and an
tiques in male clothing, now that tailoring
has become such an art? There might be
some interesting collections made, compris-
ing the costumes of the past few centuries,
for doubtless examples could be found in a
fair state Of preservation. Indeed, some of
our actors have many rslics of costumic in
terest of bygone days treasured up for refer
ence, and because of their association with
the great departed lights of the stage.
Felix Morris, of the Vokes Company, a
most careful actor, is somewhat of an anti
quarian in this field. He has, among other
rarities, short-waisted, peculiarly fash
ioned coat that he wears in 'The Old Musi-
cian," that is over 100 years old. 1t was
purchased in Montreal, and belonged to a
French emigre. The stiff, high velvet col
lar is made with neatness that no modern
tailor could match in handiwork, and all
the stitchery is OF the exquisite fneness that
one does not see nowadays in this age OF
sewing machines, except upon rare occa-
sions, representing the artistry of some
specially instructed and highly priced seam
stress. The article is regarded by the player
as one of his most highly priced properties
one that aids him inestimably, he says, in
the success of the.chsracterization.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30

NIT to do with it. He's acourting of her,
he is; he's as hard after her as dogfsh
after stray herring, and why she can't just
say yes and marry him I'm sure I don't
know"
"Perhaps she doesn't like him." said
Godfrey, coldly.
"Mav he, sir; NAV be. Maids all have
their fancies in whatsoever walk of life ii
has pleased God to stick 'em; but it's a won-
derful pity, it is. He amt no great shakes,
he amt, but he's a sound man-no girl can
want sounder-lived quiet all his days,
you see, sir, and, what's more, he's got the
money, and moneys tight up at the vicar
age, si:. Gals must give up their fancies
sometimes, sir. Lord! brace OF brats and
she'd forget all about 'em. I'm 20 years old
and I've seen their WAYS, sir, though in q
humble calling. You should say a word to
her, sir; she'd thank you kindly five years
after. You'd do her good turn, sir. you
would, and not bad 'un, as the saying goes,
and give it the lie-no, beg your pardon,
that is the other way round-she's bound to
do you the bad turn, having saved your life,
though i don't see how she could do that un-
less, begging your pardon, she made you fall
in love with her. being married, which,
though strange, wouldn't be wunnerful,
seeing what she is and seeing how has
been in love with her myself since she was z,
old missus and all, who died eight years
gone and well rid of the rheumatics.
Beatrice was one of the few subjects that
could unlock old Edwards breast and Geof-
frey retired before his confusing but sug-
gestive eloquence. Hurriedly bidding the
old man good night, he returned to the
house, and leaning on the gate watched the
twilight dying on the bosom of the west.
Suddenly, bunch of wild roses in her
girdle, Beatrice emerged from the gathering
gloom and stood before him face to face.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
THE DRESS SUIT In ENGLAND.
The Evening Dress Must be Worn TO Gain
Admittance to a Theater.

The Evening Dress Must be Worn to Gain
Admittance to a Theater.
Cothier and Furnisher.1
An experience recently told me of q visit
to the London Lvceum Theater IL months
since verifes the statement as to the positive
rule of some of the English plsyhouses not
to admit ladies or gentlemen to the stalls
unless they are in evening dress. The
American had busy day of 1t, and found
that it was too late to put himself into his
dress suit, as was his custom when going to
the theater, and hurried off in his ordinary
morning suit with his wife to witness the
performance Of Henry Irving in 1.-THE Dead
Heart" At the box Office he rendered his
money for a couple Of stalls. The official
looked the applicant over for a moment,
apparently arrived at the conclusion he was
q gentleman and forthwith asked If he
would not accept box-a much preferable
and more expensive situation-for his lady
and himself.
ST make this suggestion" continued the
courteous and diplomatic representative,
'because should you appear in the stalls not
in full dress you would attract an embar-
RAISING amount of notice as the only persons
that had been prevented, for some cause or
other. from observing the usual formality.
feel sure that under the circumstances you
will find this box more agreeable"
Meat way of putting it, wasn't it?" said
the narrator chipperly, 'and so English,
you knowP'
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30

box office receipts for one evening. 1 see it
stated in the papers at $4,000. Anyway I
will let that go. That is near enough. When
I see anything in the papers ask no more
questions. I do not think it is right. Patti
and have both made it a rule this winter to
put in at least one evening as an investment
where we happen to be. We are almost sure
to do we'll out of it, and we also get better
notices in the paper.
Patti is not looking so well this season as
she did when my father took me to see her
in the prime of her life. Though getting
quite plain, it costs as much to see her as it
ever did. Her voice has a metallic, or rather
bi-metallic, ring to it nowadays, and she
misses it by not working in more topical
songs and bright Italian gags.
I asked her about an old singer who used
to be with her. She said, "He was remova to
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30

spring has come in the rich valley of the
Jordan and the glossy blackbird, with wing
of flame, scoots gayly from bough to bough,
deftly declaring his affections right and left
and acquiring more wives than he can sup
port, then clearing his record by claiming
to have had revelation which made it all
right.
One cannot shut his eyes to the fact that
there is great real estate activity this
spring in the West. It has taken the place
OF mining and stock, I judge, and every
where you hear and see men with their
heads together, plotting against the poor
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
HE WAS SMART.
A Country Squire Whose Ignorance Was
Simply Astonishing.

Fayetteville Dispatch.l
A good story is told of certain locality
in Tennessee where no newspapers are taken
and the people "hears all they wants to
know" A former citizen Of this locality,
living in Texas, wrote to some of his friends
at his old home, and among other items Of
news stated that the immigrants were COM
ing in so fast that they were eat
ing all the corn up. The person to
whom this epistle was addressed did not
comprehend the meaning of the term ''im-
migrants" and inquired of all those he met
ii they knew what it was, but none could
give him the desired information. It was
finally determined to send it to certain
Squire in the neighborhood who presumed
to know everything. The letter was read to
him and he was asked: "What are immi-
grants?"
The Squire looked wise, crossed his legs,
scratched his head and replied:
It's little animal between Q 'possum
and q COON
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
THE IMMIGRANTS LANDING PLACE.
Ellis Island n Spot Cordially Detested By
Naval Oicers.

New York SUM-
Ellis Island, which may be the site TO.
the new immigrant station, is cordially de-
tested by naval officers, because, according
to long-established custom, vessels of the
navy going into the Brooklyn Navy Yard,
for any considerable stay, usually 60 down
to Ellis Island to unload powder. Vessels
going out to sea also stop at Ellis Island to
take in ammunition. Either process often
detains vessel several days at the island,
and 1t is difficult, particularly in the case Of
out going vessels, for officers to get leave.
1t Is peculiarly tantalizing thing to the
average naval officer to find himself within
sight OF New York, yet unable to get into
the city; for, while no naval officer courts a
billet at the navy yard because of the politi-
callcomplications SO liable to riselduring tbs
service there. all are fond of New York
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
How This Would Help Us Out

Girls are not always what they seem,
OF this there is no doubt;
To be like men is their one dream,
They buy neckties and drive a team;
II they would only buy the cream
How this would help us out.
They cut of short their pretty hair,
They laugh like men and shout;
They draw three aces to pair,
Play ball and travel everywhere.
II they would only pay the fare
How this would keep us out
They're getting SO they wear our clothes
And put us men to rout;
On platforms how they love to pose,
And when they speak, you bet it goes.
II we could get them to propose
How this would help us out.
-7bsn Mason in Clothfer and hirnisher,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
His Only Encare.

Colonel Knox's Yarns.1
"You know Delaney. He claims to be q
born actor"
"Oh, he is no good. He never got an en-
core but once In his life."
"Yes?"
Eyes. just once, and that was when he was
born. He was twin"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30

THE past week
has been oneof great
personal interest, al
though it has had
little effect on pub
lie affairs. I have
been visiting my old
haunts in Colorado
and Wyoming, after
about seven years of
absence. I have also
been in Utah, where
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1890-03-30
JAUNTS TN THE WEST.
Bill Nye Visits the Scenes Of His
Journalistic Childhood.
IN REAL ESTATE.
One Man Got Rich Because He Couldn't
Trade His Land for Ticket.
LIVING ON THE PACIFIC RAILWAYS.

WRITTEN FOR THE DrsPATcH.1
AT SALT LAKE, IN THE TERRITORY
OF UTAH, AND so ON, WHENEVER
AN OPPORTUNITY OCCURRED.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1890-10-16
Letter from Front Royal.

Correspondence of the ALEXANDRIA GAzETTE1
FRONT ROYAL, Oct. 18th, 1890 90-Thinkipg
perhaps the readers OF tre GAZETTE will be
glad to hear of Front Royal in her progress
sive steps, mention one item that has
ecllpsed ell others. An academy similar
to the "Randolph-Macon Academy" at
Bedford, Va, has been located at Front
Royal The cost of the building will be
S77, 900. The site is estimated at S25 900.
The whole amount has boen subsoribed, and
work will soon bs under contract for ons ofthe
most imposing, ornamental and oommodious
buildisqs ever erected In the Valley Of VIZ
ginia. L. will accommodate $50 students.
II will be heated by two 24-horse power
engines with hot and cold Eater at pleasure.
Il will haye hotel arrangement with 1t. Il
ia for boys only. Dr.. W. W. Smith will be
its presden;, @hich Is an advertisement IT.
sell. The academy at Bedford he's made at
least half million for the people at that
place. FRONT ROYAL.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1890-10-16

CITY OF THE UNKNOWN. fire.
queut visits have made to Mexico" said 9
mioiog engineer of this city last night, u
have come in contact with many Of the In
diaus resident there, and have heard some
very singular stories. One, which all the
Indians uoite in telling is that far in the H.
terror exists an enormous city never yet Wis.,
tied by white men, 1t is described as peo-
pied By race similar 10 the ancient Az!ecs,
who are sun worshipers and offer human
sacrifices to their deity.
The race is said 10 be In high state oi
civilization, aud the Iadians cay that the city
is full of huge structures which sFe miracles
of quaint, but beautiful architecture, and are
situated on broad, paved streets far surpa;s-
ing those of the CityIof Mexico.
One Iudiap, recoIiect. assured me- that
he had sarr the city and i,s inh9 bitaute
with bis own eyee, hut had been afraid OF
beiog captured ard had fed. Of course
did not believe him, but ell the same, it is
not little strange that the accounts of the
Mexican Indians relative to the mysterious
and Gcent interior city agree perfect.
philadelphia Mruirer.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1890-10-16
a Wealthy Fool

Mrs Jane Mcdowell a wee!thy lady, has
lived in ;hia village rumber Of years, hsv-
ing come from beautiful! farm few miles
east OF this place. Hsr husband died several
years ago, leaving her this farm and large
amount of money. No one imsgined that
she was of matrimonial turp, as che was ~
years of age aud peculiar.
a short time ago q tramp by the name of
Moore wslked ioto the town. he was toe
proud poesessor of 81 cents when he landed,
but he managed to subsist until he met the
widow. They sooD got acquainted and
sudden marriage was celebrated.
The old lady was completely lntatuaeeo
All her life she had been be sou. OF parel-
moniousuess. She counted ard kept every
neppy. but when she married this crooked
syed tramp be was at once the master, and
he told her how he could doub!e her incoms
By business investments. In all his life he
had never possessed 1.-THE OF the wealth
which was his by biz lucky marriage. he
took q notion that he wanted grocery, aud,
walking into ore of the village groceries,
asked "EoR much will you take for this
place." =.
A goodly figure was asked. 1T is mine"
he replied. Fe bought everything he de-
sired, and the taVings OF tne !ase Natnan
Mcdowell few fast.
After the grocery was purchased Jew
grocery drummer found him and unloaded
upon him big stock of goods at a higher
figure than be could retail the same at.
A gentleman owed the blushiDg ti.de
pots and he oa,led to llquidate it. "Go and
pay ii 10 my husband" che said.
Il don't know your husband. end l did
net borrow 1t OF him and WON'T pay it to
bim," replied the maa.
lyon don't know my husbandl" she ask
ed. We'll, the first fine looking man ycu
meet up the street is my husbsnd; pay 1t to
him.
"Medame, you are fool" and the dis
austed debtor moved away promptly. The
town is still laughing at the silly widow,
| who, With all her wealth. may yet die
| auper.-Columbas Dispatch.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1890-10-16
CHINAWARE, &c.

A CARD-We are aware that number of Alex
II andrians go to Washington for their CHINA
and GLASSWARE, and we believe that with the
proper effort and attention all or nearly all OF
these people can be induced to by goods in these
lines at home. We intend therefore to do all in
our power to further this end and for this pur-
pose we have selected our stock for fall with
more than ususl care and foresight. Our retail
department. besides we put under the especial
care of our salesman, and it will be his duty to
see that the stock is always full, and to attend to
the wants of our Alexandria customers. We only
keep "frsts" Goods selected by the manufacturer
IS perfect, and we buy only from the manufsc-
the best goods, but at the very lowest prices. In
fins French china, We will order any of Hsvi-
lands patterns at very reasonable price. Hep
ing that our efforts may be rewarded, aud thank.
ing you for past kindoss, We very truly yours,
sep27 EJ. MILLER & SON.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1890-10-16
BOOTS AND SHOES.
BUOIS AND SdOEN.
GREAT ATTRACTIONS
AT
e. PAFF & SONS,
4es KING STREET.

We have placed on our CHEAP COUNTER a
largo lot of MEMS, LADIEs'. MISSES and
CHILDREN'S FINE SHOES to be sold BELOW
COST These are not inferior goods, but of the
best makes, which have become little shop-worn
and must be sold to make room for our incoming
stock We would call tho fpecial attention Of
misses and children with narrow feet They can
find special bargains in this lot. Tcs lot OF goods
will be sold regardless of cost and must be closed
at once Our fall and winter goods. which are ar
irving every day. of the best styles, and prices
are put down very low.
Give US call. oct9 I'm