Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-08-15
STUFF AND NONSENSE.
An early settler-A cocktail.


AN early settler-A cocktail.
FREE of Charge-An empty shot
gun.
LOVE Laughsat Locksmiths !"-Yes;
not at wedlock though.
The expenses of an electric company
may be summed up as current ex-
penses.
us YOUR sweetheart a tailor-made
girl?" mo, she's quite domestic; in
short, home maid.
"A BLASTED life," as the laborer re-
marked when he struck the dynamite
cartridge in mistake.
THERE are some things woman can
do as we'll us man, but scratching o
match isn't one of them.
WHAT vast difference it makes with
the average man whether he picks up
carpet tack with his fingers or his
heel
HARRY with his arm around her
waist )-What dear, kind girl you are.
Maud-A fellow feeling makes us won
drous kind.
Miss WILLING of New York denies
that she is going to marry young John
Jacob Aston. She may be Willing, but
the inference is that he never Aston.
HOTEL Guest-Now you are sure this
bed is quite clean? Bell Boy-Yes sir.
the sheets were only washed this morn
ing. Just feel 'em; they amt dry yet.
JUDGE-As you have been convicted
OF the crime with which you were
charged, 1 now proceed to pass SEN
tence. Criminal-Cut it short Judge,
if you please.
$50 JONES took water in his address
last night!n 'Aha! thought he'd back
down." eyes, the papers state that
large portions of his speech were
drowned in cheers"
LITTLE Girl During a thunderstorm
Mamma, do they have music in
Heaven? Eyes, my dear" Little
Girl-Well, guess Wagner must be
leading the orchestra.
"PA, what is accident insurance?
Accident insurance? A technical term,
my son, signifying that when you meet
with mishap it will be an accident if
you get any insurance.
| DE SM1TH-Don't you think Miss
Jinks has very bright expression on
her face? Jones-I can't say that her
face is very bright, but there is no doubt
about her being lantern jawed.
ANXIOUS Mother-Dont you know
that George Washington never, never
told lie? Sinful Boy-Maybe his
mamma didn't care how much cakes
and jam he took, and he wasn't 'fraid to-
tell her.
A LITTLE boy carrying some eggs
home from the shop dropped them.
Did you break any?" asked his.
mother, when he told her of it. NO"
said the little fellow; "but guess the
shells came off some of EN-"
LADY DE PRIMROSE. What do you
think of the new duchess? Mrs. Nor
andy-Oh, she's aperfect photograph {!
Lady de Primrose don't understand.
What do you mean? Mrs. Normandy
Well, you see, she speaks without
thinking.
Il WONDER if Mr.. Goodkatch will
come this EVENING" said Susie to her
father. Il hope not" replied he,
father. why, father, what can you
mean? II am not prepared to return
that money borrowed of him yet I
want few days more"
MISS DEP you hear of my
maid Mary's fall? Van Dump-In
love? Miss DePuyser-No; she fell
down stairs and broke the chandelier in
the fall, pot of flowers and-the hor-
rid thing!- handle of my new
parasol. Van Dump-Anything else?
Miss De Puyser-Let me see-Oh, YES.
her neck.
Mr. JoHNs1NG-Pse feeling mighty
bad. reckon you had better make me
some sassyfrass tea" Mrs. Johnsing-
If YOU feels so bad maybe had better
run quick for de doctor. Mr.. Johnsing
What yer want ter run for de doctor
for? What yer want ter hurry me inter
me grade datter way for? KANT yer
let me die slow?
Sir Edwin Arnold and q Christian Epic.
Letters from Toxic give some inter-
esting facts about Sir Edwin Arnold's
new poem, upon which he has been
working for six months. He lives in
the Japanese quarter and has adopted
the native customs in many respects.
When he comes in from a walk he
leaves dis SuOeS at Cne door ana onCerS
the apartments in his stockings. He
has also become expert in writing
japanese in the native style, and by the
aid Of two pretty Japanese girls be has
mastered the language, which he speaks
fuently and writes with ease. It was
only by the polite fiction of serving as
an English tutor to these two young
women that he was permitted to live in
the native quarter.
Sir Edwin has written comparative =
little for his newspaper while in Japan.
All his leisure has been spent on h 9
new epic of Christianity, which he h. 8
been turning over in his mind for t'ns
last twelve years. He conceived it H. -
fore he wrote THE Light of Asia" ana
subsequently he travelled through the
Holy Land, visiting all the places mem
orable in sacred story. He has seen all
the places which he describes in his
poem. This poem consists of 10000
lines. It is written in blank verse and
is relieved by excellent little lyrics.
His study of Mary Magdalen is said
to be q fine piece of work. The poem