Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-04-27

SAID IN FUN.

| the question. 1t sounds so much like IL
ask her"
1t is almost time for Congress to &C
journ. The other circuses are gettin
ready to start out.
'1s she not passing fair ?" remarked on
| humorous editor in the street car as th
girl on his left handed him five cents t
put in the box.
Briggs-"I did not see you at churcl
last Sunday"
Braggs-"No; didn't get in till yo
had gone to Sleep"
| Kate Field doesn't seem to understan
why ''some of our Congressman sit on thei
spines." They are thus given an oppor
tunity to 'sget their backs up"
WIbble-"What sordid, unsatisfyin
thing it is for man to devote his Who'll
life to the mere pursuit of Wealth. Wab
ble-"Especially if he doesn't get it."
| When night is stepping from the scene
'Tis then that nature, viewing
| Her daily task with thoughtful mein,
Says, "Pll be up and dewing."
Neighbor-"Why do you wish your hus
band to join lodge or club ?" Wife
"1t will make me happier" an wha
way?" "By giving me something to com
plain Of"
In the next world there will be plent,
| it happens that the world which we hay,
left manages to get along so comfortably
| without us.
"See the capitalists riding along in theil
fine carriages~ yelled socialist speaker
"Where, l ask you, are our carriages p
"Sloonkeepr's drivin' mine," responded q
red-nosed reformer of society.
A Western cyclone seems capable of de.
stroying everything about building save
the mortgage thereon. II it could only
lift the latter as easily as it does roof, il
would possess one redeeming feature to the
Westerner.
81 wonder if people will know each
other in the next world" asked Cadbury.
81 question it very much," answered
Ratbone, ''for l have noticed that after
people get up little they are not too fond
of recognizing you here"
Servant (at sweet girls boudoir) )-'Mr
Nicefellow is in the parlor, miss"
Sweet girl Throwing down novel;
Horrors! And my hair is all down. Tell
him he'll have to wait a little as Pm in
the kitchen helping mother"
Merchant, angrily to lady who insists
on beating him down in price-"Why,
madame, l am really making you a pres
ent of the goods" Lady-"All right,
then, / will take it; but be sure you send
it to the house before two o'clock"
THAT is spirited battle-scene of yours.
What do you call it ?"
"The Charge"
"You ought to paint companion piece
showing all those fellows dead on the field
and mark it 'sPaid"
Emperor Wilhelm-"iSay, Bismarck,
what was the longest tennis game on rec
ord? Do you know ?"
Bismarck-"Give it up, Willie"
Wilhelm-"Go and read your Bible,
man, and you will find that Jacob served
seven years for Rachel"
Bismarck resigned next day.
Father-'I hope you are doing well in
the financial world, my SON."
Son-"Yes, father. l made $4,000 last
year, but if have good luck this year /
shall make cool $4,000"
Father-"You have great business abil-
ity, Jack. Is it legitimate speculation ?''
Son-"Oh, yes; Miss Hendricks is going
to answer me tonight"
How often in the crowed car
You've risen to your feet
To give woman who comes in
The comfort of a seat.
"Oh, no; i thak you" she protests,
I'D really feel to blame;
don't at all mind standing'-but
She takes it just the same.
The friend you ask to take drink
Says alcohoPs curse:
1t never does men any good,
And always makes them worse
Men never know just when to quit;
'Tfs really shame.
He greatly disarproves it-but
He takes it just the same.
Gripp-"Well, doctor, did you succeed in
breaking up Cables fever??"
Young Doctor-'T would have done so
in another week had l been given half a
chance"
Gripp-"They didn't call in another
doctor, did they?"
Young Doctor-"No; but this morning,
just as / was noticing an Improvement in
Cable, he died"
"My friends" said Rev. Letus Hit
temup, "the extent to which gambling is
carried on in our town is alarming
For from my study l can look into a
club-room across the street, and last
night ! saw sight that made nv
blood run cold. There at a table sat
four young men playing poker-for money!
Yes, for money; / do not wonder that you
shudder, brethren Large stacks of money
were before them, and, would you believe
it? | actually saw one young man who
ought to have known better, bet ten blue
chips on pair of kingsp'
When the sunbeams break in sprays among the
huttering twigs and leaves;
When the merry birds lift up their heads to
sing;
When there isn't any place on earth to hold a
man who grieves;
When forgotten is each folly that bewitches
and deceives-
Then it's spring.
When the dandelions blossom and the grass be-
gins to thrive,
And you greet the kissss that the zephyr.
fling;
When forgotten on the rainbow ends for which
we vainly strive;
When IT'S satisfying just to sit and know thai
you're alive
Then it's spring.
Wonderful Gun.
Paul Clifford, the original inventor O
the Paris pneumatic post system, has made
pneumatic rifle, which is said to be 6
wonder. 1t is described this way: The
weapon is much lighter than any of the
army rifles now in use. 1t resembles the
magazine gun in that steel cartridge
about span and half long and as thick
as mans thumb is attached to the bar