Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-12-29

There's nothing so touching as mans
hands when he sees the sign'F Fresh Paint
WilIie-What do you put holes in the
middle of the cookies for? Cook-To
make them wholesome.
The critic who declares that the Amer
lean belle is inclined to be idle andlistless
never saw her chew gum.
Johnny, you shouldn't run in the rain
without your hat on. Mamma, my head
can't get wet, I've had it shingled.
Yes, I'd like to meet some one who has
a good opinion of Striper. Would you?
Then I'll introduce you to Striper.
1t is a good idea to suffer with the
toothache occasionally. 1t proves to
your friends that your teeth are real.
Job got his certificate for patience be-
fore he was obliged to go out and buy
Christmas presents for all of his relatives.
If man could live a thousand years,
he would probably spend the last fifty
fretting over what he might have done in
the previous wasted time.
At Bar Harbor-How cold and distant
the top of Green Mountain seems from
here. That's natural; it's always piqued,
you know.
Eyer broth OF boy" said Maggie.
And Pat replied, as he slyly put his arm
round her waist, cord be better broth if
had little mate"
Old Mau-John, what did you do with
those rules 1 laid down to govern you
while you were in college? John-Oh, L
laid them down, too, father.
.'He pressed her to his breast and sigh
ed" read the elocutionist; and the boy
in the rear gallery brought down the
house by yelling, (which side?"
Little Freddy know why you wear
such a long coat Minister-Why, Freddy?
Little Freddy-To cover up the patches
on the seat of your trousers.
He-Do you think there is anything Of
fensive about me? Miss Willetts told me
last evening that my mannerisms put her
in mind of herself. She-Miss Willetts
is u fool.
She-We have been discussing the col
or of Miss Bentley's eyes, Mr.. Digoy.
Don't you think they are like the Medit-
erranean? He-Well, they do look rather
watery, L must say.
1t must be awfully aggravating to you
to have some thought you can't express.
Stammering Simsley Il n-n-never eX-
pressed a thought in Mummy life. The
b-best 1 can do is to s-s-slow freight.
Emaciated invalid Gust arrived at the
springs is it true that drinking these
waters produces fat?" Native (weight
25O) Produces fat? Why, stranger
when 1 came here 1 only weighed eigh
pounds, and look at me now.'
Friend of the Family am afraid you
little fellows don't always agree. You
fight sometimes, don't your" Twins
Yeth, thir, thomtimth. Friend of the
Family-Ah, L thought So Well, who
whips? Twins-Mamma whipth.
He sat and looked at the busy editor
for about fifteen minutes steadily. Final
" he yawned sleepily and remarked
There are some things in this worlC
that go without saying" Il know it,
snapped the editor, ''but there are toe
many things that say good deal without
going"
i4May 1 kiss you?" 1t was in the or
chard. She answered him not. Picking
a leaf from pear tree near by, she hand
ed it to him. He thought he read the an
swer Leave" Turning, he went hi
way. She gazed at him with astonish
ment, for she meant her answer to be
ssYou have leaf" Alas And so it ended
e.Bredderen and sisteren," said the pas
tor. ..yo' hab been tole dat de McKinle
bill done gwine ter raise eberything; bu,
whatcher want ter recomember am di
we're: Needer prayer nor de McKinle
bill am gwine ter raise de mortgage wha
de butcher an de grocery-man done hol
on your pastor. De collection will nov
be collected"
In an Episcopal church near Boston tn
other Sunday a lady in passing up tn
aisle caught her dress on a corner Of th
pew and tore it. As the process of tear
ing was very audible to the congregation
the feelings of the lady may be imagined
when at that moment the clergyman b.
gan the service by reading the sentenc'
''Rend your heart and not your ga
ments."