davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30

by's Office, and he says you sold forty
seven dollars worth Of tickets to the
clerks.
Mrs. Bigsby Qoftily)-Thcrc must DO
some mistake.
Mrs. Babblcton-That's what ! said
when heard that She was young and
stylish-looking and gave her name as
Mrs. Bigsby. Do you know Of any
other Mrs. Bigsby answering to that de-
scription?
Mrs. Bigsby gasps, darts look Of
flame at her husband and says, in o
hoarso whisper: Como home, you
wretch
RESULTS OF DAvENPoRT's STRATEGY.
Mr.. Davenport himself is advertising
for new position. lie is no longer with
Bigsby
After much mutual REORGANIZATION. the
engagement between Miss IIuntly and
Mr.. Davenport has been cancelled.
A stormy interview between Mr.. and
Mrs. Bigsby resulted in the latter going
homo to her mother. Having engaged
the services Of detective Mrs. Bigsby
discovers that her husband has really
been leading dual life with hereto
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30

OF husband and children; but these arc
not vouchsafed to all, and those who are
denied them must still live. Ii they
choose to be self-helpful and helpful to
others it seems pitiable thing that any
one should stand in their way. Assur-
eddy they are entitled to the praise and
encouragement of every just and gcner.
nnc
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30
DIDN'T PASS.
A Youth Who Had Aspirations to He I'M
Editor.
ALEX. SWEET.


Editor.
When a verdant youth called at the
Office of the Texas Plumbago and APP
piled for position tho other day. the
editor, who wasn't very busy just then.
put him through an examination to de.
termine his fitness:
"Who discovered America"
"Klumbus. Pshaw; ask me harder
question"
"Who was the first man?"
"Adam. Why, Mister, I know all"
"What was his other name?"
"His other name? Why, he didn't
have none"
"Yes, he did. His other name was
Ebenezer-Ebenezer Adam, ESQ.,, late Of
Paradise Center. How many bones are
thcre in tho human body?"
"Well, | forget just now, but did
know wunst."
what! don't you know that? Every
school-boy knows there are 7,4S2. 654,94
bones in an ordinary man, when he isn't
eating mackerel. A man who snores
has one more bone than other people,"
"What bone is that?"
1.-THE trombone, Of course. It is stu
ated somewhere in the nose. You won't
forget that, will you?"
He said no wouldn't.
"How long would 1t take mud turtle
to cross the desert Of Sahara with q
small orphan boy to touch him up be-
hind with red-hot poker?"
"Well, look here, Mr.. Editor, i'll had
q slate and pencil. could figure that
out; but dog my skin IL l am much on
mental 'rithmetic."
"Slate and pencil! Did you ever see
q slate and pencil about sanctum?
Nonsense. Well, we'll let that ques.
ton slip. Have you got good consti.
tuition"
pretty tol'ble."
q "How long do you suppose you could
live on raw corn and faith and do tho
work Of . domesticated elephant"
Lord! l don't believe could 1.-Two
more'n week."
"Well, that's about as long as you
would want to live II you got posi-.
ton on tho Plumbago. shall now ask
you one moro question, and II you provo
equal to it you can peel of your coat
and sail in"
Lets have 'er, squire. You'll find
me on deck with both feet and cane"
"Well. sir. il two diametrical circles
with octagonal peripheries should col.
Tide with centrifugal idiosyncracy-or
to put it plainly"
''Put it plain as you can, boss"
"Well, say it collides with an asphyx.
lated desuetude-what effect would the,
catastrophe exert on the crystallized
goldfish suspended by the tail from the
homogeneous rafters Of the empyrean?"
The verdant young man waited to
, hear no more, but, grabbing his hat, he
mado q wild dash for the street and dis
appeared. Texas Siftings.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30
THE King of Samoa. whom the famous

THE King of Samoa. whom the famous
Samoan conference held in Berlin year
ago restored to his power. has issued
this decree: mo spirituous. vinous or
fermented liquors or intoxicating drinks
whatever shall be sold. given or offered
to or bought or bartered by any native
Somoan or Pacific Islander resident IN
Samoa to DO taken as leve-aSe'
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30
Tic Way She Surprised Him.

His wagon was heavily loaded and II
stuck in the mud. He pulled, he twisted.
he beat tho horses, he roundly swore.
He did every thing no could think
of, but most of all, he beat tho horses.
He was aware that two women were
watching him, and presently one Of
them came wading out through the mud
straight toward him.
"Now hyur comes one O them pre-
vention O cruelty t. animals flends," he
reflected, IAN + don't give 'er tn big
gest piece O. my mind she ever saw, then
my namo hain't McGintry! It's high
time these ere females was setdown on,
an I'm a-goin' ter show ye how to do it,"
Ho stuck the rail, with which he had
been inviting the horses to proceed, into
the mud, folded his arms and faced tho
enemy.
"Now. look-co ere, miss he began.
overwhelmingly, ~ don't want none o.
yer preachin'. Thot wagon s struck n
thct mud, n this fence rail S goin' to
lam them horses till they pull t out. 4
1t takes till shutdown, n all the preach
in you err any other female en- do hains
a-goin' to prevent it!'
Tho lady smiled. II was going to
suggest" she said, producing stout
hickory, that should whip tho horses
with this while you pried the wheel
with tho rail. 1t will not hurt the
wheel 30 much as 1t does the horses,
and will do moro good"
"Y'u cud a-knocked me down 18th a
feather" he said, when he was telling
it to Tho boys" ''W'y, she was a whole
s'ciety fer tn prevention o. cruelty to
animals, herself. West Shore.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30

WHAT'S TIE MATTER WITH YOU, FAM
cially, but have a scheme which might
result in your selling quito number OF
tickets.
Fanny. (eagerly)-What is it?
Franklin our Office down town there
are at least twenty-five clerks. Not one
of them has ever seen Mrs. Bigsby or
you. None Of them will DO at tho fair
even If they do buy tickets. I'll throw
out a hint that Mrs. Bigsby is coming to
the Office to sell tickets, and that it will
be to the interest of the clerks to buy
tickets from Mrs. Bigsby if they ever
want their salaries raised. Rather than
run the risk of offending their employer
they will each take couple of tickets.
You must como early, about nine
o'clock, before Bigsby gets down.
Fanny-I'll do it. Why, it's splen-
did scheme. I'll show that May Carleton
that /, too, have some friends among
the business of New York.
SCENE II.
Counting room of Bigsby Manufacturing Com.
, pany. Present, a number OF clerks, including
davenport
Davenport-I say, boys, there is going
to be fair at tho church of the Holy
lnnocents, and lady is going to come
hero and sell you each couple Of
| tickets.
Clerks Tin chorus) -She is not going
to get o red cent out of me.
Davenport-Ye she is, for she is Mrs.
Bigsby, and the man who refuses to
''como down" will be apt to regret it.
Clerks lin chorus -Ah! is that so?
Enter Miss Fanny Huntly, who pro-
ceeds to sell without any difficulty
whatever forty-seven dollars worth Of
tickets.
Davenport (solus)-By Jovo! Great
scheme!
SCENE III.
| AT THE FAIR.
Mrs. Babbleton Ito Mrs. Bigsby)-How
we'll you arc looking this evening.
hear you mot with great success in sell
ing tickets-that tho success Of the fair
is duo principally to you.
Mrs. Bigsby Ccily)-I am not aware
Of selling any tickets.
Mrs. Babbleton-You surprise me, my
dear Mrs. Bigsby, for my son knows a
young man who is clerk in Mr.. Bigs-
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30

fore totally unsupported party living In
Brooklyn. Divorce proceedings have
been instituted, with prospect OF So
oial earthquake Of unusual dimensions.
MQral-Don't be strategist, II you
can possibly avoid it.
ALEX. SWEET.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30
From the Advance Sheets of "Damon and
Pythias."

"Ive seen plenty of cowboys in my
life," said the Major, rising from his
chair and lighting a fresh cigar; but
thore is one thing | never saw and never
expect to see."
What is that, Major?" asked the
Colonel, filling his glass and twirling
his mustachc gracefully.
"A boy-cow," replied tho Major.
This was the beginning Of the end.
A year later these two men met in tho
twilight of summer evening. No look
of recognition, no glad words OF welcome
passed between them. They were as
Strangers.-Puck.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1890-04-30
Only Her Toe IL Mentioned.

Mrs. Snaggs troadingl = lIarric,
1leecher Stowe has been much better in
health this winter than last
Snaggs-IIcw is the rest OF aor foot?-
pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1890-04-01
NATIONAL DEMOCRAT.
Every Democrat Should
Read it. Every Seeker
After Political Truth
Should Read 1t.
CLUB RATES.

We will send the National Demo
crat and WEEKLY INDEPENDENT to
any address within the United States
for So ayear. All paid up subscribers
to the WEEKLY INDEPENDENT are en-
titled to the benefits of this offer.
The regular subscription price of
the National Democrat is 81 so per
year, and it is we'll worth it. It is
published weekly in the city of Wash
ington, and each issue contains eight
seven-column pages of reading mat
ter. Send to this Office for sample
copies.
1t has the endorsement of leading
Democrats; it contains all the Wash
ington and National news; it's record
of Congressional proceedings will be
full and complete, and it is in every
way a worthy exponent of sound
Democratic Doctrine. Subscribe now
and secure this staunch organ of the
party OF the people.
The WEEKLY INDEPENDENT and
National Democrat for SIS per year in
advance.
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29
SENSATIONAL NEWS.
why II Does Not Pay Newspapers to Pub
Iish Questionable Matter.

1t IS not that am going to object to
the newspapers printing sensational
news, but Go object, and / believe the
great public is with me, TO the heart
less, flippant way in which matter of
that kind IS usually written, writes Ed.
K. Pritchard in the Arkansaw Traveller.
The editor doesn't care that there arc
those whose hearts are wrung by the
publication Of q scandal concerning one
dear 10 them; and no home circle Is so
sacred that he will not invade its pre-
cincts and hound its inmates for the
fullest details that can have even the re-
hottest bearing on the case. When a
man high in official place and with a
host OF social connections goes wrong, il
is certainly enough for the newspaper 10
print that fact without sending report
ers to interview all his relatives, includ-
ing his sorrowluI and heart-broken wife,
10 get lot OF details about his private
life and other matters liz which the pub
lie has no interest, or, at any rate, has
no business 20 know. As Q newspaper
man, | an free TO admit that have gone
on errands OF this nature. on an assign.
uent from the city editor. where, il
had been bodily thrown cut Of
the house for an unwarraated
intrusion into matters OF no public con-
Germ, / certainly would not have re-
scented IT. but Acknowledged tho Justice
Of the act. | believe IL is a mistaken
idea among enterprising editors that tho
public is crazy for sensational reading
Do respectable parents want such stuff
paraded daily before their families? Do
they want their children 70 pose daily
over the shocking and disgusting details
Of a s1lacious divorce case? I think
not Tie fact is. brother editors, the pub
lie takes thisstgf because YOU give II to
them. but they do not want il in tho
way in which il il now served You
doubt it2 Well. pluck up your courage
and try giving TO your patrons . clean
daily paper. void Of sensational features.
and see II the patrons that stay with
you. both in character and numbers. arc
not we'll worth the having. Ire reader
who buys your paper when you have
big sensational article will not buy 10
when you haven't He Is your transient
customer, but the man 81 family. who
has u delivered regularly al bis house.
IS che man who is worth most 20 vou az
a patron And that man. even If he be
not paragon Of virtue himself. Is apt
20 be a littie bis particular as 20 The
kind o. reading matter h places before
bis children. Il it nos high time for a
chs--rc IN newspaper methodist
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29
INVITATIONS TO DINNER.


~ a. kzKszI.
Inyitauess ~ forn-al dinners should
b tss4ed 81 least ywo wees m a4Fauoes
On very important occasions t1ree
weeks norcs j. sgll hesler. 41-s
obslztes me necessity q refusal on
account of previous en srageAents. writes
George IS. ChL3s - Gaod Aelsekeep-
ing The Invitations are engraved, tie
slze % the card bearing relation % me
magnitude q The social function. " here
gaests are invited - meet q als.
tingQished person OF visitor from :
distance, &c should be 50 stated on the
card Of invitation TIE person 50 hon
ored having already nXea the dates Al
his own convenience, he is again al.
dressed by note regarding the oaF and
boar OF the dinner AID with the note 5
inclosed card en evidence 81 the in
yitations issued. On al occasions the
guests OF the evening should be pre-
scented 10 every one present
Ia order 70 enable all present u en-
gage ia general conversation IL is well
10 have only a small party, 70 that ten
or twelve covers are more desirable
than q larger number. II our own
dining-room We often entertain twenty
guests, though ST times NC dine tNeaty-
six.
There are evident reasons why invita-
tions 70 a dinner party should be 40
cepted or declined, il possible, on the
very day they are received, as this VIII
enable the host 10 invite Others IN the
place OF those who may decline; Yet
even al the last hour. for some unfore-
seen and sufficient reason, one or more
guests may be forced 10 send regrets
after having accepted. In that case, 20
preserve the symmetry OF the table, or
10 forestall the fatal number 49, which
few persons have the hardihOOd 20 en-
counter-it may be necessary TO call
upon acquaintances who might be styled
emergency friends Among ones list
there are always some who can
be depended upon 20 good-naturedly
step into the breach, even at the
eleventh hour, and no other person need
be the wiser concerning the change.
Guests should make 1t point of honor
to be punctual. II, as usual, tue hour
is set for seven o'clock. all the guests
are certain 70 be assembled with their
host upon the stroke of the hour No
dilatory person should be waited for
more than ten or fifteen minutes. IN
New York and also in Washington, on
account OF the pressure Of business,
there is often delay, 50 that, in these
two cities at least, seven or eight o'clock
means quarter past.
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29
WYoMING,s ADMISSION.
THE Measure Adopted ~ the House on
T7sursdsY Presented IN the senate a Few
INMATES ater.

The Measure Adopted ~ the House on
Thursdsy Presented IN the senate Few
INMATES Later.
WAsHrvcroS. March % --The House
on Thursday 81 a vote % $50 % t2s
passed Pho bin providing fo- the admis-
sion ot che Territory ~ wyoming into
che Union
WAsHveroV March 2s-Ia The Sen
ate on THURSDAY a Few minutes after ia
passage % tbe touse. vas presented ne
measure 90 admt Wyominz as STATE
The Senate thea proceeded 20 the
consideration of the senate bin grant
ing pensions to ex-sol3iers and sailors
who are incapacirated for the perform
ancc ~ manual iabor and providing for
pensions - dependent relatives Of de-
ceased sold fers and sailors.
Senator Plumb Kan made Al srZu-
mem. I'm support 81 the Amendments
offered By bin on the SSH II February
declaring snitled 20 a pension - sla
month al who served three months
o- more. and Who are suffering from
mental ~ physical disability which IN
rarrc .stes chem Pr the performance
OF manual labor 10 the incspacity IL
totsI. rae pensions Pc 10 graded for less
-hsr total stability. bus an pension 20
he less thsn six dollars month. Re
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29

DSsa ChiekAS&ws SszteEsa 20 D2Aos A11
F-4y B-1 - Me21Gsrt

r-AF Bal ~ Mse2E Srt-
TIE Calek2sass have . s1psrst-t1on
tAss "a uooEllght nighus during the
nicnLg1 t t1elr oe21 - 4rrlors AID noted
b4ll-p players Meet sd dance TIE H.
yoch-ah-e1ees wAlch 5 dance g de-
G4nce. and play haI SAYS 4 writer "a
lhs Aew York Times. Should > hYlng
person cous within the spirit circle
death soon ossrlAkes him- ia lo43 the
writer Vas commlsszry ~ subsistence
for the ChickaszWs AID had three de-
pots Tor issuing ratioRs. TIE principal
one Nss a. Fort Coffee on TIE Arkansas
river there was enc on the Canadian,
As miles west OF Coffee, and another al
Pieksns, 50 miles south OF Coffee. About
I've miles from the fort was the Choc-
taw agency and superintendency or the
West Between there and Cheaole s,
the depot on the Canadian. there was
only one settlement Greek Bully
named after Greek Indian who had
ChlckssAw wife Half OF the distance
Was prairie. During the day IN mid
summer the dies on the prairie were 50
troublesome that 10 was almost impos-
sible 70 ride. consequently travel Vas
mostly AT night
ON moonlight night IN August, In
company with TWO beef contractors the
writer left Fort Coffee and made the
ride u the Canadian, issued rations and
rested for q day. on the evening fol-
lowing he left there alone on the re-
turn trip. II was q very dry season.
kad nd "a u
elers usually stopped there 10 water
their horses. It must have been near
midnight when the writer reached
there. refreshed his horse and himself
With cooling drink, and left. In a
vast wilderness, in the stiffness Of the
night, ones senses of sight and hear
ing become extremely acute.
About half an hour after leaving
Billy's / heard the sound of a horses
hoofs and soon discovered an Indian on
horseback coming at full speed toward
me. lie recognized me and drew up.
Fear was depicted on his face. II may
well be said that the hair Of his head
stood on end. lie said go back. 20
back 10 Billy's! | hear the spirits hi
yoch-ah-chee in that little prairie
(which had TO pass through and they
will kill you if you 60 on" He was =
little under the influence of liquor. ]
asked him for his bottle, which ne
handed TO me, and l took good drink
from 1t and rode on.
A short distance from where left him
heard some wolves howl. IN his heated
Imagination that was the hi-yoch-ah-
chez he had heard. | had passed the
prairie he mentioned and was some dis
lance from it, riding into sandy-bot-
tom creek, which was perfectly dry,
when my horse took sudden fright and
jumped | turned my head and thought
l saw just behind my horse what looked
like an Indian, covered from head to
foot with blanket, as the Indians
wrap their dead. Fortunately, presence
of mind induced mo to rein up my horse
and take a second look. 1t was only
pillar of sand which, in his Jump, my
horse with his hind feet had thrown up.
Had | not taken second look might
have believed during all my life that |
had seen something supernatural.
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29
THE CENSUS CATECAlSM.
A Foretsste of What All Men and Women
VIII Have-t to Pass Through.

- EOrct3Stc OF W nat All fIeI ana " omen
VIII Have TO Pass Through.
In June Of the current year the Census
Bureau viii have thrown into the field
an army of IS, 600 men, who viii sweep
the United States clean Of information
on pretty nearly every imaginable sub
ject that kas statistical bearing. The
story told by the reports of the agents
of the bureau will follow the least i'm
portant individual in this vastiand from
the cradle TO the grave-nay more; from
them you can estimate your chances in
one hundred before you were born Of
being twins or tripletS, and can calcu-
late the probabilities that were in favor
of your turning out boy or girl. They
will show that you had only two chances
in three Of surviving your first year Of
life, and from that time on they VIII
figure upon your lease Of this sublunary
existence, until at length the ghoulish
compiler OF the gathered figures with
out bowels of remOrse, joyfully tabulates
you in his exhibit OF causes Of death.
Not content wiki discovering the day
and place of your birth, says the Wash
ingtOn correspondent OF the Hartford
Times, the census win insist upon know
ing from what race you sprung, what
your sex is and where your father and
mother were born. Also il viii require
information as 70 whether you are mar
ried, single or divorced; how high above
the sea level you live, in what great
drainage-basiR you dwell, what the low
est degree OF cold may be from which
you suffer in the winter, how hot You
find il in the sumner when the Their
mometer touches its TOP notch and how
many other people live with YOU IN your
house. As for the house. YOU viii toe
compelled, under penalty of fine OF
one hundred dollars, TO say whether you
own il or not-if you do own 10 whether
or not there is mortgage on j.. and
supposing that there is one. the reason
Why you borrowed the money on the
property. The census is much interest
cd in your private affairs. you see. and
IL you have a farm around the house You
viii have to toll similar facts about that
even to the value Of The COWS and the
tools in the barn. All this Is merely
the beginning ho3eve-. and all this
mass of information viii eventually be
condensed into about twenty-five vol
tunes. which win De entitled the "Elcv-
enth Census OF the United States"
Millions Of Dollars Iavolred.
SEATTLE. Wash. March 2s. - Secretary
Mobiles decision that Valentine scrip
can not % fled on side land was r.
ceived with mingled Joy and sor-ow.
About $40. 600. 900 worth Of property is
involved in this city alone and much
more in the other cities on Pugut Sound
That extreme erred feeling and all az
fccfous caused or promoted by impure
blood and lows state - the system arc
cured bv Hood ~afs r8T.ia. Give q
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29
Nemnrknhle Ilrscnr-

Mrs. Michael Curtain, pla.n6eld. lll.,
makes the statement that She caught
cold, which settled IA her lungs; She
was treated for month bl her family
physician, but grew worse. lie told
her that she was hopeless victim OF
consumption and that go med.c.no
could cure her. Her druggist suggest
ed Dr. Kings New Discovery for con-
sumption; She bought "a bottle and 10
her delight fourd herself benefited
from first dose, She continued lis use
and after taking ten bottles, found her
self sound and we'll, now does her own
homework and is a wei as She ever
was l0c trial bottle Of THIS Great Dis
covery at Peek Bros. drug store; large
bottles soc and Sl.00.
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29
Happy Hoosiers.

VIM. 1mmols, postmaster II Ida
vile, Ind, writes. Electric Bitiers has
done more Tor lne than all other mcd.-
Clncs combined. for taaI bad feeling
arising from X ducy and Liver trou-
bic" John Leslie, funer and stock
man of same place savs. "FInd Electric
BltteIs 10 be the best Kidney ard Liver
medicine. made zoe feel Ike new
man. j. W. Gardner, hardware mer-
chant same town SAYS: Electric Bit
ters is just the thing for man WHO r
all run down and don care whether
he lives or dies" lie found uew
strength, good appetite. and felt just
ike he had new lease on lfe. only
SOC "a bottle, AT Peck Bros. drug store.
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29

4 musical gas machine is an English
Invention. and ib ia called the p7ro-
phone. It's compass - three octsves.
VIE keT board, and it will be PLAYED
n t1e same manner as Al organ. IL has
thir-y- seven glass tubes. in Thich = ike
nauihe 81 gas jets burn These 5ets
3 s-ed In q circle contract and expand.
When the snail burners separate the
sound i pr0daced. when theY close to-
zethsr che sound ceases AL the notes
II che musical scale Tlag 90 produced
IA za~a-.s .,.+s--~
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29
BuckIen's Arnlca sal.e

The best salve IN the world Tor cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rncum, fever
sores, letter, chapped hands, ch.ibialns,
corns and all SKIN erupt.Ons, and posi-
lively cures piles, or no pay required.
Ii l. guaranteed 10 give perfect satisiac-
ton or money refunded. Price 25ccnts
per box. For sale by Peck Bros, drug
gists, corner Monroe and D.vsion-sts.
Telegram-herald., 1890-03-29

wksHTxsr7S Mares - Represeu "a
ere Bland No ara J. p Wuta-s
On colnsgs, Feizhts ana measures. az b.
uisse5 - tae House minority rspc-s
81 supostsou so the 81 .ndor 81 lrer Bib
They sag She bfN e very iaa~srons
sxueri-usuE fo- IL 81 'afls ~ restore -
rarit7 -f the tvs r,etsls-sad fail 4.
u-usr he7ont snr ssate~ ~ a 3ou b.
silver VI - il a verse , sat taaa
rew.