The daily state chronicle. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 188?-1891, 1890-11-27
ii AkRlSUN'S THANKSGIVING.
COME TO THINK OF 1T: WHAT
If AS Ill K TO BETHANKFUL FORe
II Took Much Persuasion from Colonel
bill snort to Get Him to Write His
hankegiying Proclamation.

(Col. Bill Snort Writing from the White |
House to Friend in TeXas
The President hasn't got over the bad |
election news yet, and he didn't want to
write his Thanksgiving proclamation at
all. We White House inmates are sick.
We are al entire hospital, with morgue
and cemetery IN the back yard, and an
undertaker's establishment on the front
floor. Harrison did not take it as easy
as be took that cottage by the sea. He
took it, the election news, hard. When
| he and "Wanny" meet it reminds ne of
the meeting between decrept colored
couple down in Texas:
Aunt Sukey-"How is you comm on,
Uncle Nose? You don't look as peart
as you did while ago."
| Uncle Mose-''I aint as peart as
was, Aunt Sukey, but still sorter holds
together in spots. How is yerself? You
looks sorter feeble"
Aunt Sukey-"Oh, Use a kckin',
Uncle Mose, but l amt kickin' high -
That's about the fix of all the Repub-
lican leaders, who, only short time
ago, used to walk in the middle of the
street with their hats hanging on their
left ears like the man who owned a coal
yard. When | think of the cheek and
gall Of the Republican party leaders it
fills me with awe, the idea of their call
| ing themselves refOrmers, and having
to stop every fifteen minutes to explain
some crOOkedness in their own records
the presumption of the blind men, men
toned in the New Testament, who at
tempted to lead the blind, is modesty
itself compared with that of the blind
who insist on leading those who can
see. The Republican leaders have not
only sold themselves for a mess Of pot
tage to the monopOlists, but the. II ve
had the luck to have some one kick over
the pottage.
l had a great deal Of trouble getting
him to write out his Thanksgiving proc
lamation, and even after it was written
he had a great mind-that is, as great a
mind as Harrison can have-to tear it
up. He said he didn't have anything to
be thankful for, and that those who did
the eating could say grace; but gave
him a spoonful of quinine and iron,
which helped him some.
"What, Mr.. President" says I, "aoth-
, ing to be grateful for, when the Presi-
! Dental aspirations of Reed and McKin
: ley have failed so badly that the credi.
+ tors will be unable to realize ten cents
on the dollara Haven't you got Rus
P and 'Lige' and the cottage by the sea
e and two years and more with all the soft
i snaps, plck-ups and other Presidential
: perquisites. know that the salary il
:. not such tremendous amount, bu
u those perquisites, they are not to be
r sneezed at AS a rural member OF tn,
O Texas Legislature once remarked: The
g per drums, gentlemen, don't mor'
;, than pay for my whisky, but the peri
q quees, the periquees, gentlemen, ar
r h IL Just so, Mr.. President, the per
n iquees' are still on top for the nexttw
years, and we should be thankful fo
10 them. See gospel according to st. OH
as Wanamaker; XIX chapter, 23d verse, 0
g. read the epistles of st. James, the Evan
il gelist, otherwise known as the Mulliga
:, let RS. We have got lots to be thank
- full for"
10 II wish," said President Harrison
sadly, "that, like yourself, Colonel Snor
O. could look at the bright side of things
= but l see nothing to give thanks TO
- The unhealthiness of the White Hous
ne will be the death of us ALL" l though
~ to myself that if he managed to hol
n out to the end of his term he would fe
- somewhat relieved. However, reptile,
'Once more, Mr.. President, let me r
nd mind you that Reed, so far from being
ew rival lion in the Presidential jungle, b
in lust got about vitality enough left
draw his salary, and that's all. The
is at least two dollars worth of thank
Oh giving in that, and seventy-fve cent
- worth more in the fact that McKinl
has been retired permanently from G
culation."
eyes. there is some little comfort
thai" said Harrison, after he had tax
Be- some more tonic at my request to intin
for date the miasmatic vapors of the Pot
mac flats.
"Besides, Mr.. President" continue
zone should be thankful on genel
'of principles. When certain boy v
on, grinning at the breakfast table,
em- father, who had put up money on Qut
- asked angrily "what are you grimm
n.y. at, you baldfaced monkey?' 10 VIII
1er- the youth responded-"because, d'
Itch father, | am tickled. The tatl
; BE- scowlingly asked-tickled, are y
What ii kles you so infernally?' To wh
a the boy responded-please, sir;
ao- tickled because | am alive Just
lion Mr.. President, l think We inmates
Al the White House should be tlckled
lere cause we are alive, and eau keep I'll
lcan on drawing our salaries
lons Once more Harrison shook his heac
mas a dismal manner. and said someth
rdiy about the White House needing repa
ing as the health of the Presidential fan
ders had become impaired. The inmate:
re- the White House just now do not
hlch mind one so much of a fac simile as t.
the do of sick family.
net. "Mr. President, we should initiate
wise and philosophical boy, to who
have just alluded Let us accept the
nav. vent of Thanksglvings for what il
LAY worth, and never look gift Thanks
J. m. ing in the mouth. Stuff the turl
,e at chop the salad aud kill the fatted go
spice the oysters, stir the batter
thump the loud bassoon. Awaken
,obooo NTH tho buoao and tha mel