Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1890-07-25
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Backward Spring, but Business Is Good

1lAA
A Backward Spring, but Business Is Good
We extract the following items from
the last issue of the Arizona Kicker:
A SURPRISED MAN.-Last week we
had q friendly criticism on jim Taylor,
who keeps the whisky ranch at the other
end of the bridge. We stated that his
den was probably the nearest imitation
of Hades to be found on earth. and that
| the people of this section were not do.
ing their duty in allowing Jim to con
s11me so much oxygen and hydrogen. II
was intended as a pleasant little caution
to Jim to set his shanty on fire and 60
hence. but he didn't take it that way.
On Wednesday of this week he came
over to take our scalp. He didn't drop
a hint as to his intentions, but when
we caught sight of him o block off we
knew by the jerk of his eyebrows that
he meant us.
II Mr.. Taylor expects to make a sue
cess in life he must carefully observe
two or three things. Don't pull your
gun too quick. Don't shoot before you
get ready. Don't yell when YOU shoot,
it only rattles your own nerve. He
opened on us at a distance of 200 feet,
which was $50 feet too much. He was
in too great a hurry to take aim, and
his bullets were wasted. His vells took
away his breath, When he had fired
six bullets at us we closed in, put him
on his back, and made him boiler in
about sixty seconds. The look OF sur
prise and establishment on his face as
he found himself licked was q laughable
sight. The boys put him in an empty
barrel and rolled him around until he
vas thoroughly weary, and yesterday
he was chased out of. his dive and de-
parted for the mountains.
IT DIDN'T FAn.-Last Saturday the
Granite Hill Savings Bank, of this
town, failed to open its doors, and a no.
tice was posted upto the effect that it
would open in about q week and pay at
least fifty cents on the dollar. The
boys got together about 10 o'clock and
Mr.. Duggan, the president, was invited
to explain matters. He said lie hadn't
time just then, but after q rope had
been passed over his neck he explained
that the failure had been caused by over-
confidence in silver mine investments.
The boys doubted this, and Mr.. Duggan
was taken to the bank and compelled
to show his books and his casl. After
figuring for about two hours commit
tee found that there was money enough
to pay $1.47 on the dollar, aid it was
accordingly passed out and the bank
wound up in ship-shape fashion. It
was no failure, but simply going out of
business. Mr.. Duggan had calculated
on q little scoop, but the boys got
ahead of him. He left town IN TO OF,
carrying a spare paper collar in his hind
pocket, and he will probably look for
some hay-seed town in which % begin
life anew. We have a failure here in
trade now and then, but we permit no
bank to fail unless all depositors are
paid in full.
For OTHER F1ELDs.-Ex-Judge Jim
Harrison, who has been a familiar fig.
ure on III streets for the last year, and
who was supposed to be a retired -four
merchant from Minnesota, out here tc
cure his asthma, is with us no more. He
departed yesterday III cnurge' OF o de-
t%ective, and will bring up at Joliet as
the end of his journey.
Judge Jim objected to the course of
the kicker. He didn't like us one bit,
and when he saw us walking to the
front he felt it a personal hit at him
self. He threw out his hints that we
were trying to run the town, but that
he would make us chew cactus before
he was done with us. One day two
weeks ago he tried to force US into q
personal quarrel, and we learned after.
wards that he had o Derringer in his
pants pocket and snapped it al US, but
it failed to go off.
Believing that we could run the town
better than the Judge, we began hunt.
ing up his pedigree. and in tile course
of a week discovered that he wps an es.
capped gentleman from state| prison.
He went away saying that He owed
us one, but as he has seven yels yet to
serve we shan't begin to worry for some
time yet.
STILL HARpING.-Our Jealous minded
contemporary down the street is still
giving himself away in every issue Of
his old senile sheet, and such subscrib.
ers as he has, take it for the sJle object
of seeing what he says about us. The
hair that broke the camel's back was
u private graveyard. When we went
to ali expense iof $50 to remove the
seven bodies to o nice little plat o.
ground, and to identify each grave will
a nice headboard, his gall busted. He
had no private graveyard. He Went
out to shoot somebody, but was knocked
into the sand and his gun contiscated.
He hasn't the nerve to even throw muc
at an Indian. L
Poor old man! Poor old contempo
rary! Your sun went down lerchucA
when the kicker was established, an6
you have been crawling in the moon.
light ever since. Blow away if it does
your soul good. 1t doesn't huri us any,
and but for thisssescape valve you might
take rat poison or roll into the river
Detroit Free Press.
Shy John w. Muckay.