Sacramento daily record-union., 1890-04-15
LOST HIS WRISKERS.
THE SAD FATE THAT BEFELL A sLUM-
BERER.
A Villain Uses the Scissors With Startling
Efect-Consultation of Legal
Talent.
i've lost me Hhiskers p


boasts of no particular occupation, who
spoke.
There was no absolute need of his having
told about it-anybody with half an eye
could see that he had lost his whiskers, or
at least the major portion of them, and the
effect upon his countenance was indeed
startling. He took seat beside City At
torney Hart in the latter's Office, and pro-
duced soiled piece of paper from his
pocket. Mr.. Hart unfolded the paper and
ran his eye along the lines written thereon.
They were penciled by the hand of Justice
of the Peace Henry, and informed the City
Attorney of Mr.. McDaniels misfortune in
such sympathetic terms that they gave
every evidence that Judge Henry-who
wears whiskers himself-felt that some
thing should be done for the protection of
boards, not only from the hands of April
zephyrs, but from the hands of the goddess.
Help this poor man in his distress and
heaven will reward you," was the Judges
concluding appeal to the city's prosecutor.
We'll. this is distressing indeed" said
Mr.. Hart, folding up the note and turning
to McDaniels. so you have lost your
whiskers?"
"Yes, sir; and l." but fuIl.grown sob
welled up in his throat and smothered what
else he would have said had not that sob
welled so well.
TOO bad; too bad" And Mr.. Hart felt
truly sad. How did it happen-were they
loose?"
Loose! No. They were all right; but
they were cut off while l was asleep
"'Oh, see, | see, And you want the ras-
cal arrested?"
That's it." McDaniels then proceeded
to relate tearfuIly how it happened On
Sunday evening his funds became exhausted
and he had no place to sleep. He tried the
freight cars, but they were all locked He
then wandered about town in the vain
search for coy nook, and finally dropped
into the City Hotel saloon. A chair in the
corner looked so inviting that he concluded
to rest upon it and ease his aching limbs.
He did not intend to go to sleep; but nature
asserted her right, and Morpheus intox1-
eating breath famed the fatigued ones
cheek, and he was soon in the land of
oblivion.
The orchestra discoursed some chills- and
fever music, and the villain stalked upon
the scene.
A fiendish and diabolical grin distorted
his unhandsome countenance as he con-
templated what the sleeper valued as his
llfe-hls whiskers. This villain was one
Frank Murphy by name, and by occupation
in the vernacular of the slang-slinger-a
bum" He borrowed the saloon shears.
and, growing with devilish delight, seized
the victims luxuriant growth in his crime
tainted fingers and hacked away fully two
thirds.
Stop! stop! L can bear no more" cried
Mr.. Hart, holding up his hands to McDan-
iels. This is too horrible"
But you will see that the villain is pun
ished?" pleaded McDaniels.
That | will, and vengeance shall be
swift Leave me to myself for awhile and
l will draw up the complaint"
McDaniels left the room and the City
Attorney busted himself with his statutes
and codes.
Let me see, now," unused Mr.. Hart,
what charge shall make against this viii
lain? Malicious mischief, should thiuk.
No, the whiskers were taken from the man,
so 1t must have been petty larceny, or per-
haps-hang it, don't know what would
be the proper charge. l guess I'll consult
with some others of the profession"
Several attorneys were sent for and were
soon seated in Mr. Harris room. He ex-
planned the situation and then asked what
law the offense would come under.
Why" said ore of the barristers, 81
should consider it an assault with deadly
weapon"
"Or battery" put in another.
Whats the matter with MAYHEM ?"
"Trespass, l should say.;'
Robbery"
Malicious mischief"
Assault"
Thank you, thank you, gentlemen"
said Mr.. Hart. But 1 was thinking petit
larceny would hit it."
THAT would depend on the value the
loser places on the whiskers," suggested
Judge Davis
Mr.. Hart called McDaniels in and asked
him if he thought the whiskers were worth
$50.
Fifty ~ he exclaimed. "Why, wouldn't
have parted with them for a thousandr
We'll, then, it would be grand larceny"
said Judge Davis.
Mr.. Hart looked over the statute again
and came to the conclusion that larceny
would hardly be q proper charge. All
hands discussed the matter at considerable
length, and finally agreed that disturbing
the peace would cover the offense, as the
law on this subject devotes special atten-
ton to acts which it terms offensive cor
duct"
So the complaint was made out and
warrant issued for the arrest of the de-
spoiler of McDaniels whiskers. Murphy
will be given a chance to plain the mat
ter in the Police Court todav