The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1890-10-02
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS,

newspapers are peculiar things
Sou found one this year and next year
it can't be found. West Shore =:
Cheeky - II see you are wearing
your hair long" Stony - II hope to
wear it as long as l live" - Boston
Herald. :: =.
Farmer slack-''What do you keep
such wretched plow for?" Farmer
Smart-'Jest for the accommodation of
chronic borrowers. What do you wish
the loan of to-day%'-Yankee Blade
Hello, Mudd" cried acountryman,
saluting q former. neighbor. ''Hush,
don't speak SO loudr' said the other.
''Since coming to town have changed
my name to Myer, in Difference to my
wife's feelings. Y. World. ;: =.
= -Architect-"Have you any sugges-
lions for the study, Mr.. Quickrich?'''
Quickrich - ''Only that it must be
brown. Great thinkers, l understand,
are generally found in a brown study"
IN. Y. Sun.
- Morgan -"What brand of cigars
does Maxwell smoke?" :They
call them: the Riot Act. - Morgan
"Why?': .Dorgan7ss BECAUSE they. never
fail, to scatter a crowd.y-Cincinnati
Conamerctal-Gazette. ' sr.',.r;,. - :,
=. "A man may have wealth, honor and
fair health. children that look like him,
and beautiful wife, and still not know
the full meaning of seraphic bliss till he
sees his name in print.--Ram's Horn.
: AT Nahante: Maude-"How many
to-day, Jeanne?" Jeanne .(counting)-
LET me see;. there's Tom, Sam, Dick,
Jack, Harry" Maude -'What in the
world are you saying? I asked how
many igamesyo,r have played" Jeanne
-:'Oh!'' Bostonian. H. .....,- !. -,
Nice BeJ-.'Give me that copy Of
Silent Snot the Slayer" Clerk
Here you are. Ten cents, sonny"
Nice oy-;'.Father made me promise
that would never read dime novels,
but if you'll make it eleven cents ri
take t."-America. 900 '>t&r'~ . IS 4sai{t9
? Mrs. aGrinm--''M r. Travelle, who
has spent three years in Ashantee, says
that there the more wives man has
the greater is his social Importance.
Isn't that stranger" Mr. Grimm AZ
presume the people of that country ad.
mine bFaverys"-N Y. Weekly - ~
*..--Forgot. himself: Miss, Portland
how much is that, Mr.. Rihbons?" Char
ley Ribbons (who is posing as million.
ARE, Observation-Disclosures and
. half cents Cash! o, er, excuse me.
That is forty, love. Ameri-
can. Q -. 't:3EJ 1"'~-MgE = 81. a.; $40 :.
-Mether-''Well, did you get tina.
situation as Office boy?' Little Son
Nope: What, was the. matter?''
Don't know; The gent ID lawyer,
and he asked me If I was q good
whistler, and I told him I was the hest
whistler on our street, and he said j
wouldn't do Guess he muat want reg.
lar PROFESSIONAL Good Naws., - tg.;
y Jack Pott with malice .forethought)
81 congratulate your partner on hel
figure, old man. But why does she
choose such an iunbecomfnR mask? -
Emory Hugh (innocently) --.'She hasn't
any mask on Jack Pott s(raising his
glass again}--...What!s is that her face2'
Dry Goods Chronicle a.. -. 49,, ..s..s..
"A new use has been thought out TO,
the photograph which will save the *.
1pense; Of . burglar alarm: "A fierce bull.
dog is made to bark into It. It is then
attached to the inside Of. the door Of the
house to be protected and but little
machinery is needed to produce the
most fearful alarm, rs soon Is the doc,
IL meddled With.-FlieQende Rlattar.