The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1890-09-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

WHY uOes MIS- HcI icpuldtfou III
such a foolish squabble? -Butalo Ell
press
There are two sides to every question
the wrong side and our side.-Terre
Haute Express.
The general run of women--when
mouse comes in the room. : Terri
Ha,tte Express.
Dubbs-''Tm tired of Life" Snuggs
We'll, why don't you stop your sub
scription. "-Jester.
How can | get rid of superfuous
hair Mr.. Druggist" Get married,
sir. Boston Courier.
A man never becomes so homely that
he is not handsome to the woman he lie
good to.-.itchtSOn GL0be.
A mans closest creditor wouldn't
recognize him in the average hired
bathing suit.-Shoe Recorder.
1t is well to make the best of this
world, for you'll never get out of il
alive.-Great harrington NetCS.
There are times when 4 young mar
can make himself most interesting by
keeping still.-New Orleans Picayune.
The first week that a man has 6
telephone in his office he is apt to have
the yeller fever badly.-Boston Bulletin.
Truth lies at the bottom of an ink.
well. This explains why the post.
scripts contain all the facts. american
Grocer.
Stranger Gin Tombstone, Ariz. ID
hear your bank has suspended" Res.
ident-''Yes; SO is the President. y
Racket.
Bangle-'Isn't Fangle a rattle-head.
ed fellow?" Cumso- No, sir; there
isn't anything in Fangles head to rat
tie. life.
The rhetoric of convicts is abomin-
able; at all events they have great
aversion to finishing their sentences
Phiiadeiphia Press.
What will it Costa Rica vengeance
on San Salvador?n II don't know. but
we've Guatemala. no matter what il
costs. "-1shldnd Press.
Some men credit themselves with the
good that is in them and blame the
weakness of humanity for their short
comings. -Atchis0n Globe.
Mrs. Fellows Jimpson's wife has
only one dress to her back" Mr. Eel
lows-''Ah. and she left that at home
this evening. IN Y. Herald
Citizen (agitatedly)-s'What a writ
for me? Why, God bless usr' Consta-
bic (stolidlD-"Nop. Wrong again.
Mandamus. "-4merican Grocer.
Lovers are slow about proposing this
summer. Owing to the high price Of
the commodity they hesitate about
breaking the ice.-Teras sytings,
First Hate-"Well, sir, things are
going smoothly now, sir" Captain
Yes. that is because several of the
sailors have been ironed. Toronto
Globe.
Cumso = "Jaysmith is penurious
isn't hep" Fangle-'.I should say he
was! He won't even laugh at a joke
unless it is at some one else's expense"
Epoch.
1t has been discovered that the cash
boys were very lazy in the days of Job,
for he says, "All the day of my appoint
ed time will | wait till my change
comes. "-Figaro.
Groom-'.A ring around the moon is
the sign of rain Bride (sweetly)-
And a ring around woman's finger
is the sign of-?" Groom (sadly)-
Reign. "-Racket
Give me toboggan," he said to
the barman. What do YOU mean?"
why, whisky, of course. There's moth
ing like it when a mans going down
hill to make the descent lively" Phil
adeiphia Times.
1t is dreary waste of sand. isn't
it?' said the grocer's wife as she and
her husband were walking along the
sea beach. Yes, it is; dreadful waste;
with sugar at eight cents a pound.
Washington Post.
He Man is the only animal that
laughs. but it isn't necessary for you to
laugh all the time She-''Man is
also the only animal that smiles, but it
isn't necessary for you to smile as often
as You do. "-BOSt0nian.
Mrs. Sweet (who has her neighbor s
children in to spend the day)-''And
so your mother is all alone! Dear me,
how she must he enjoying the quiet
(Aside)-I will send my children over
there tomorrow!'-MunSey's Weekly.
Photographer Ito lady before the
camerO = Look pleasant. please. y
Brute of a Husband-''O, come, now;
art is all right in its place: why not
have likeness look natural, if it's 60
ing to be likeness?" -BoSton Tran.
script.
II see by the newspapers, remarked
Mrs. Bunting, that petrified jaw
two feet long has been found in Cali
fornia." why, you never told me
that your ancestors came from that
part of the country" replied her hus'
band.-Figaro.
Get up"' exclaimed Miss Bunker
Hills cousin. But the horse did moi
move. The animal does not seem tC
comprehend" said Miss Hill. LET
me try" "All right Proceed
Bucephalus" And the animal proceed
ed.-Harper's Bazar.
Housekeeper - You needn't stoI
here. We've got nothin' fer We. Break
fast was over IN hour ago. Clear out
now" Tramp didn't expect nc
breakfas' this time day, num- | onl,
hoped mebby I'd be in time for famiI,
prayers. food NeicS.
Bank President Ito cashier in jaiD-
Why didn't you 90 to Canada?'
Cashier (haughtily)-"Because ",
got some pride about me and l didn'
want to 90 up there with only SO. 00t
and live on back street in strang,
city. - Washington Star.
Pater-'Well, Adolph, whom die
your college men elect to represen
them at the convention" Adolph-
'Twirler. sir" Pater - "Twirler
Can he pr things forcibly?" '.Yo,
bet! He can pitch ball through
wire netting every time. "-Burlingto,
Free Press.
Miss Gadder-'Whv is it that Mis-
Longout is always geing to the chiro
podist's?" Miss Gossip don't know
but she has been in society for tel
seasons now and I SISpact that tbas