Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1890-06-22
LAWS OF ETIQUETTE.
THEY ARE THE OUTCOME OF KINDNESS
AND WISDOM.

No society Without Them-A Bundle o
Unwritten Laws-Etiquette Not
All Nonsense.
What is etiquette? Some one has de
! fined it as common sense set to rule
Webster says it is observance of the pro
prieties of rank and occasion; conyen
tional decorum." This is, probably, a.
good definition as any that can be given
but etiquette may also be called a bundl.
| of unwritten laws for the advancement O
the happiness of every one in general an6
in particular. They are the kindest anG
best of all laws, and they often have more
power to restrain men and women from 8
display of temper and rudeness than any
moral law.
The foolish young girl who starts out in
life with the idea that etiquette is "all
nonsense" and says she means to have q
good time" in her own way, does not re.
aIize that without etiquette she cannot
have the good time" that she wishes
The laws of etiquette are good many
years cider than she is, and they have
been made and revised by hundreds OF
kind and wise people. Etiquette is, truly,
the outgrowth of kindness, wisdom and
good sense.
1t would not be etiquette for young
girl to send out invitations in her own
name for party that she desires to give;
they are sent in her mothers name, prov.
ing that she has mother who is her
chaperone and protector. And etiquette
demands that these notes of invitation be
answered without delay; and that the
guests who accept should appear at the
house within the hours prescribed, in suit
able costumes, and do their best to make
the affair success. After this, etiquette
insists that all the invited guests shall
make call upon the hostess, and tell her
of the pleasure that she has given them.
But this must not be done until several
days have passed, and the house has re-
sumed its normal condition, and the men,
bers of the household have recovered from
any fatigue consequent upon the entertain
ment.
Again, you are having luncheon party
and you have invited an even number of
intimate friends. 1t would be inconven-
lent to be called from the dining-room to
see other visitors; it would be breach of
etiquette to leave your invited guests, and
the table, being arranged for certain
number, will not seat any more. You
send word that you are mot at home"
and although the visitors may hear voices,
and among them your own, it is etiquette
for them to leave card and 60 away.
There is no reason why they should feel
insulted; "not at home" is conventional
phrase, merely meaning that one is not at
home to visitors. If you have any con-
scientious scruples about instructing your
servants to say mot at home" tell them
to repeat the whole sentence.
lfyou set apart a certainday of the week
for receiving your friends. etiquette de-
mands that they shall call upon you on
that day and no other; thus you are not
interrupted in your occupations or pleas
ures, whatever they may be.
Perhaps you are in mourning. Some
relative or friend who was very dear to
you has suddenly died, and you are pros
trate with the shock and with grief. You
feel that any visitors, even those who may
be dear to you, and who come with the
best intentions, would only be intruders,
and you feel that it is impossible to see
anyone. Perhaps people will call to
whom you do not wish to be rude; on the
contrary, they are persons to whom you
would wish to be particularly polite in all
circumstances. But, just now, their SYM
pathy is something you do not want; in
your present state of mind it would be
unbearable. And etiquette says that be.
cause you are in mourning you shall no,
see visitors; you are at liberty to deny
yourself to every one.
Or some relative has committed an act
that throws disgrace on all those who bear
the same name and you feel that you can
never face the world again. You wonder
what people will think and say of you and
to you. You dread to meet your friend,
and acquaintance, fearing that they NAV
refer to the shadow that has fallen across
your name. But when you have gathered
courage enough to face them, you find that
they ignore the subject entirely, and treat
you with as much consideration as for
merly. Heartless? Far from it. 1t is
etiquette to ignore the disagreeable and to
| refrain from referring to any subject that
may give pain to those present. So your
friends visit you quite as often, and you
receive as many invitations as you have
been accustomed to, without being show.
cred with unkind words or looks of com.
miseration.
You invite people to dine with you at a
certain hour; your dinner is prepared for
that hour, and food that is allowed to be.
come cold and then is reheated, or that is
kept hot after being thoroughly cooked, is
spoiled. If your guests are late, you fret
about the dinner, the cook becomes angry
| and the food tastes badly. Etiquette, tc
obviate all this, demands that all persons
invited to a meal should be on hand a
few minutes before the hour mentioned in
the invitation.
Etiquette demands that all notes of in.
vitation should be answered without de.
lay, whether they are to be accepted OF
declined. And all letters making requests
of whatever kind, or asking for informa.
tion, should be answered with courtesy
No matter whether you like these people
or not who write to you to borrow money
| books, music, gloves or anything else, eti
quette says they must be treated politely
Calls, too, must be returned, especially
| first calls. 1t makes no difference if the
people are undesirable as acquaintance
if they are uncultured, unattractive, stupid
or vulgar, in your "set" or out of it, the
! first call must be returned in person, i
possible. There are many persons who
throw etiquette aside in such instances
and will not even send card; but they
| make mistake in so doing.
And little about card etiquette.
1t is not so absurd as some people would
have us think. If you leave card in per
son it is proof that you have taken the
trouble to call. You have had so mucl
regard for your friend or acquaintanc.
that you have taken the time to call a
her house. if you send it by mail on tn,
occasion of "tea," as an expression o
congratulation or coincidence, it shows tha
IN joy or sorrow you have the courtesy t,
remember your friends. In the hurry ans
rush Of modern city life, no woman car
call everywhere; there are some calls mus
be made by card only. If she finds tim,
to call upon her old and intimate friends
no more should be expected of her.
Etiquette is the oil that makes tn,
wheels OF society run easily. Without i
the machinery would not work rs il should