Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1890-06-26
The lIMEkIlN CLUB
-"cfAioy johnson Delivers a Lectur
on Weighty Subject

O@oos
Troh' McAf"y johnson Delivers a Lecture
on a Weighty Subject.
"hen the meeting had been dulv
opened Brother Gardner announced that
fro1. McAfoy johnson, of Florida. was
IN Tue ante-room and waiting to deliver
MS celebrated address on: ssWhar Was
we? Whar Is We? and Whar Shall
we be? or What's de Use of All Dis
Fussin'?"
DE professor arroye heah two davs
ago. explained the president, IAN ate
mo purvishuns at one meal dan me an,
ue ole woman could eat in week l
has had to lend him white shirt. a nair
OF socks, two paper collahs an fo'ty
cents in money, an I won't conceal de
lack from you dat l hope he will leave
town right away arter dis Iecktur In
Ease ne shows disposition to linger
l trust that Giveadam Jones will
take 1t upon hisself to see dat he moves
along While l doan' wish TO discour-
age talent an ambishun among our
race, can't afford to foot all de ex-
pense out of my own pocket. AS fur
oe essay, doan' know what it is. We
Will give him far show, an when he
retires Brudder Jones will retire wild
him an drop broad hint dat it is only
half mile across de water to Canada. :"
Inc professor was then escorted in.
lie was tall, cadaverous man, with a
hollow voice and sunken eyes. and the
first impression made was that he could
eat meat and potatoes all day long with
out filling up. He was received with
much applause, which compliment he
acknowledged by bowling to the right
and left, and with every bow his pants
pulled up on his boot-legs a full six
inches.
Having arrived at the platform. the
professor put down two goblets of water,
slipped troche into his mouth, and
after removing his neck-tie and collar
he led off with:
My conidin' friends whar' was we?
Jump backwards wild me to the Garden
of Eden, an you find a man wanderin'
up an down among the pansies an de
hollyhocks. 1t was de beautifulest
place you cher saw. Outside of de
flowers an shrubs, dar was water
melyons an peaches an grapes an per-
simmons till you couldn't rest All
Adam had to do was to eat wild one
hand an 60 fshin' wild de odder.
He could sleep all night AM half of de
next day. He didn't hev muffin to
buy, no taxes to pay, an chick
ems roasted SO low down dat he didn't
hev to use no ladder. You hev proba-
bly, bin told dat Adam was a white man.
but doan let any body fool you. L hev
looked into de subjick as close as pus-
son kin, an all de Jacks go to show dat
he was of our color. [Great applause.
l hev bin told dat he probably resem-
bled de pusson who now stands befo'
you. Faint applause.l AS to dat, it
makes no difference, an l am not de
man to try an build myself up at any
one else's expenses. OATS whar' we
was, my confidin friends-right in the
Garden of Eden, gettin' fat cherry day
an hevin' de tallest kind of a time. We
reckoned we had struck aiob dat would
last foreber, an we was pulled up ac-
cordin'. We felt dat we owned de
airth. an nobody could tech US wild
ten-foot pole. [Applause.l
My next subject" said the speaker,
after swallowing a large quantity of
water, lis. 'Whar' Is We?" While we
was walllin' on our high heels about dat
garden, fcelin' ourselves de aristocracy
of de airth, long cum de bounce an we
was lifted out widout cent in our
pockets or shirt 10 our backs. We has
clumb to de top of de persimmon tree to
fall kerchunk. Agitation. FIom en-
joyin' free board an lodgin's, wild nuf-
fin 10 do but hunt rabbits an go fishin',
we was bounced out to live on grass an
made our beds in the bull-rushes. More
agitation. We got it bad, an we has bin
down on our luck eber since. OATS WHY
we doan' push ahead faster. OATS why
we am at de bottom an de white
man at de top. He didn't git no SIGH
soft snap to begin wild, an so he didn't
hev muffin to lose nor feel bad about
Whar' is we? We am de under dog.
We am down. We has got to take de
peelin's an let de white man hev de
'taters Groans and signs.
My next subject disquaiifes de i'm
putashun of .Whar' Shall We Be?'
While l realized the percolashun dat
we has gained upon it, de fucher has
an imputashus disinclinashun. some
times feel like givin' up de struggle fur
impenetra bility an subsistin' my en-
devors to prolOng de asservashun.
Wells. Five centuries hence de sus-
ceptibiliJy may professionally espouse
de righteousness, but whar will we be
den? In consonance wild previous
expostulashuns, L feel dat we
orter to relinquish de assiduity of de
hemisphere an seek to .evaporate de
hallucination which combats our solari-
ty. Gentle wild desc few remarks, an
thankin' you from de bottom of my
heart for de Indifference wild which you
hev eliminated de frig1dity of my salu-
tashun, | hey de honor to bid you good
night, an to add dat fur de mex TO-
weeks l shall make my headquarters at
de cabin of Brudder Gardner, whar L
shall be prepared TO remove cons an
bunions i de rate of twenty-five cents
remove.
a great storm of applause greeted the
sneaker as he retired. So did Giveadam
Jones Brother Jones returned in about
ten minutes, with his toes showing
through his right boot and loose sole
fopping as he walked. The professor
was seen no more. Something evident
" induced a change of heart and he
probably left town that same night
Detroit Free Press.
a VICIOUS LOCOMOTIVE.
a Murierous Engine That Has Killed
Twenty-Seven Men.
There is particularly vicious engine