River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1890-06-26

Even the plumber becomes sad-eyed
and care-worn after very mild winter.
He fails utterly TO realize that the
storms of adversely are wholesome.
Though. like snow-storms, their drift is
not always seen, let us shed a sympa-
thetic tear; for this has been fearfully
severe winter on plumbers. just at this
crisis he can see less fun in these jokes
about plumbers than ever before.
Another class that can mingle its tears
with those of the poor plumber is
composed of coal barons. Thanks to
the warm winter. There are mill
ions and millions of dollars which
they did not succeed in obtaining from
shivery humanity. 1t is a very remark
able fact, nevertheless. that a dimin-
ished demand for coal has no effect on
the market. 1t is also somewhat pecu-
liar that the discovery of new and rich
coal mines is never allowed to interfere
with the price of coal. The coal baron,
however, generally manages TO hold
more than his own. 1t never occurs to
him to let go that part which does not
belong to him.
scientific paper SAYS that two inches
of ice. or rather ice two inches thick,
will support man. In summer u sup
ports not only him Bat his entire family.
If we are to rely on the predictions of
those who are supposed TO be posted.
the price of ice will be so high during
the coming summer that one-eighth of
an inch of ice will support the ice-man,
his family and all his relatives.
Speaking of ice brings up the ques-
tion-how about TIE young man of linn
tied means and his lady friend with the
unlimited yearning for the delicacy? III
the price of ice cream is to be increased,
1t is not bit too soon for him TO quit
the country or get married.
What an impetus the increased price
of ice will give to the ice cream jokei
Very likely we will read of young la
dies fainting in front of ice cream sa-
looms. and being awful mad when car
ried nearly a block away to drug
store. We must also be prepared to
read that while whistling makes girls
mouths small, ice cream has tendency
to enlarge the mouth.
In fact, the situation is appalling.
The newspaper editor who is anxious
TO earn the eve. lasting gratitude of that
influential element, the unmarried men,
will begin right now 10 publish horrible
cases of poisoning by eating ice cream.
He, the journalist. might intimate edi-
torialIv that such cases of poisoning
are becoming so frequent that the young
man who offers ice cream to young
lady is much more to be suspected than
the one who doesn't.
The Jokes about the diminutive lump
of ice will have meaning and force
this summer in New York that they
never had before.
1t will not be long now before Bridget
will say to the ice man; ''Av We place,
sir, me missus says will yez put the ice
in Their saucer here livery marning, and
cover il wild the tay-cup, so we can have
some of it lift if we don't get there the
mint We lave it"
There is one young lady in New York
who is supposed by the papers to live
In Harlem who viii be numerously pop
Mar. She becomes deathly sick If she
eats ice cream.
But in all seriousness, it is an unmis-
taxable fact that epidcmics of typhoid
fever have been traced TO ice cut from
stagnant ponds. People do not hesitate
10 cut ice from streams or ponds that
they would consider too impure 10 fur
nish drinking water. because they think
that freezing purifies. The freezing
does not kill the bacillus of typhoid, nor
does il free the water from dead organic
matter. Ice cream manufactured from
euch ice must he dangerous.
ALEX E. SWEET.