Connecticut western news., 1890-05-21
THE ARIZONA KICKER.


Showing That Editorial Machinery Some
 times Slips a Cog.
 We extract the following from the latest issue of The Arizona Kicker, which came out on a half sheet:
 EXPLANAToRY.-Weo owe our readers an apology for the half sheet we were obliged to issue this week. Monday morning, as we entered the postoffice after our mail, which, by the way, is five times as large as that of any other establishment in Arizona, the postmaster came out into the corridor and demanded 8 personal apology for what The Kicker said about him last week. In our pioneer days, when we lived on roots and hadn't second shirt to our back, we used to get down and crawl whenever re- quested- We felt that we had to. We were a tenderfoot and lacked sand. A change came. We haven't been doing any creeping for the past two years. On the contrary, we have had the revolver and the other man has done the four legged act.
 Therefore, when the postmaster demand ed an apology, and took us by the ear to enforce obedience, we lit onto him with the weight of two tons, and had him hol- lering for mercy inside of two minutes. Before letting him up we took his gun away, and in some manner it was discharg- ed, and the bullet went through the palm of our right hand The wound will pre- vent our using the pen for some weeks, and we must dictate our copy.
 MORE EXPLANATORY.-The postmaster has a brother named Jim, who is loafer and cur from way back. We stated last week that we believed he stole money let ters from the mails, and the statement seems to have put some "git" into him. After we had licked his brother and got back to the office Jim came sneaking down the street and fired at us through win dow. He had shotgun, but he fired so high that no one was touched, and he was out of sight before we got to the door.
 In a few days we are going on a hunt for Jim We shall locate him and walk in on him and slice off his ear and nail it on our office door. Let him accept this notice as fair warning of our intentions. While he didn't hit us with any of his buckshot, the idea of such a chuckaloo firing at us with intent to kill rattled our nerves and sent us to bed when we ought to have been get ting out copy.
 FURTHER ExPLANAToRY.-Some three weeks ago wild eyed guyasticutus en- tered this town by the dirt road and struck us for ''sit." He gave the name of J. Melville GIaham, and claimed to have fur nished all the brain fodder for most of the New York papers for the last ten years. As he offered to work for $4 per week and buy his crackers and cheese from our gro cery, we didn't question him as closely as we otherwise might. He had worked two days when we got hurt, and what did the lop cared brother of a hyena do but go of and get drunk and lay down just where Col Haven's drove of mules would run over him in going to waterl He was trampled out of sight into the sand, and on top of our other troubles we had to hire him dug out and buried. But for his hck-over we could have issued full sheet and got 1t out on time. We've had him carted off to one corner of our private burying ground, and shall mark his grave; but we don't mourn.
 THE LATEsT.-H our readers are not satisfied with the above explanations we have another to fire at them. Ow- ing to our wounded hand we could not do . stroke of writing. We could dictate, however, and we hired young Bill Ellis, son of Old Reprobate Ellis, to act as our amanuensis. We had dictated about half a column when he differed with US on how to spell Cordial" He insisted that it was ''corjul,n and rather than see the Eng ish language knocked out we ceased die tating, fired Bill out and gave an old tramp printer $10 and told him to go ahead and run out half a sheet. It's all we could do under the circumstances, and we beg the indulgence of our subscribers. Next week we shall be all right, and we promise an issue of The Kicker which will make the sand fly in fifty directions.-Detroit Free Presa