Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1890-10-15

seems to be all locked up.
She-I'm not surprised, for hear'
it had been very tight recently.-Jes
ter.
A proper reason. "Why is she 81
cool towards your" swell, you SCI
she was my summer girl. She coulc
not change to an autumn girl withou
cooling off little.-New York Her
aid.
A division of responsibility. Faith
er-What, you want to marry m,
daughter? Why, sir, you cant sup
port her. l can hardly do it myself.
Suitor (blankly)-C.c-can't we chiI
in toge ther Puck.
Miss Wantling-Mr. Lessee, th'
papers says that some gents are al
ways intimately associated with rocks
Mr.. Lessee-That's so, Emma, yol
would have an engagement ring if
had the rocks.-Ex.
Love-light's high candle power
Kitty" said the lover, as they sat in
the dark corner of the piazza, "clost
your eyes," "Why so, GEORGE ."I
you don't everybody will be able tc
see s."-Harper's Bazaar.
"Rastus," said the judge, "that is 9
serious charge you bring against Mr.
Smithers. Will you swear to it? p
"Sw'ar to it? Sutt'nly, judge.
would sw'ar to anything to oblige ye
judge. e."-Harper's Bazaar.
Landlady-Mr. McGinnis, may
ask what you are trying to find in thai
cream pitcher?
Boarder-I am trying, Mrs. Irons
to rescue an unfortunate fly from 9
watery grave.-Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. Softly Young beg you, Miss
Mangler, at least not to say that you
will be sister to me.
Miss Mangler--No, Mr.. Young, ]
promise you l will not. What you
need most is mother.-Boston Times
Mr.. Handsome-Oh, you know
mother, women can't keep a secret.
His Mother-Yes they can, my SON.
You have been industriously courting
that Miss Higbness for year, and
you don't know her real age yet
Good News.
An economical duke. jolly friar
The duke never gave aims What
Was he so miserly?
Facetious yoeman-Yes; may satan
take his stingy highness. Verify, he
was too mean to laugh at his own ex-
pense. Light.
"This bell" said a well-meaning
sexton, when showing the belfry of an
interesting village church to party
of visitors, sis only rung in case of a
visit from the Lord Bishop of the dio-
cese, a fire, a food, or any other such
calamities. London Figaro.
Mrs. Glow good of you to come,
doctor didn't expect you this morn
ing.
Doctor-No, but l was called to
your opposite neighbor, poor Mrs.
Brown, and thought l might as well
kill two birds with one stone.-Punch.
A choice of texts. Parson jackson
-Ephraim, it says in de good book,
"Thou shalt not steal"
Ephraim Johnson know dat, sir,
but I've bin so lucky / thought I'd
glib you one.
The Lawd lubs a cheerful giver.-
Ex.
Young Husband-What are you
crying for, dear
Young Wife-Fido, the naughty
dog, ate up cake | made, and-boo,
ooh.
Husband-Well, no matter, darling
we can easily replace Fido.-Yankee
Blade.
A love letter written by some great
man 400 years ago was recently sold
in England for $3.50. A love letter
recently read in court in a divorce
case was worth $5,000-to the "fair
plaintiff" And its writer is still liv.
ing, and comparatively unknown, too.
Norristown Herald.
"A sure sign. Fond mother Cat sum-
mer resort)-Clara, my dear, you
needn't be surprised if Mr.. Dizzy pro.
poses at any time now.
Clara-But, mother, he pays me
scarcely any attention.
Fond mother-True, but look how
he is flirting with me.-Life.
~ should think, Mr.. Owelots, that
you would be afraid to marry me. /
am so old and have so much money
that people might misjudge your mo-
tive" my sweet Angelina, l love
you so, that / would willingly marry
you though you we're three times as
old and had twice as much money"
Boston Times.