The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1890-03-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

swells the heart instead of the head
Boston Courier.
A saloon is like harbor-most of
the wrecks are to be found outside the
bar.-Ierre Hdute Express.
Resolutions are like messenger boys.
They are the easiest thing imaginable
to pass.-Boston Transcript.
-"How much ought 1 to
get for that poem?" Editor-''You
ought to get about fifteen years. y
Puck.
when drink much 1 can't work,
and SO l let it alone" THE drink
ingp" mo, the working" Fziegerade
Btaetter.
Mrs. Fangle-t'T This Russian infiuen-
"a is very contagious, is it notP" Fan
gle = Yes. even a detective could
catch it."-LIte.
The lawyers in the case are like a
pair of shears. They never cut them
selves, but whatis between.-LasCrence
american.
Brown-"Does your wife keep her
temper very wellP" Jones-''Um-er
some; but 1 get the most of it,
Boston Gazette.
The reason why it hurts to have
tooth pulled is supposed to be that you
can't bite your lips at the time
Fltege1sde BtGetter.
When we see young father wheel
ing his first baby in the street we OBJ
tain realizing sense of the joys of a
carriage and pere.-P1ck.
Irate Housewife = You're always
breaking something" Servant Sure
but amt tried it on your record for
fault finding. Rome Sentinel.
Bronson-''See here, Galley, did
you tell Smithers I was the meanest
white man that ever livedP" Galley
No, didn't draw the color line. -
NJ =. San.
The poet says that '"Tis love which
makes the world go round" 1t also
makes the young man ''go around"
quite frequently Sunday nights.-To-
ledo Commercial.
What is your idea of a gentleman,
Yellowly?" "a true gentleman al
ways laughs at the joke of a story and
never says that he heard it before. y
Boston Courier.
He-"What did your father say
when you told him that we were en-
gaged?" She-'Oh, Augustus,you must
not ask me to repeat such language!"
Boston Budget.
A clever man has invented a system
of reading music for the blind. How
delightful Now they can feel the elo-
quence of Wagner's music without
having to hear it.-Life.
Wickwire = What is the reason
Nudge does not speak to you any
more? Have you offended him in any
way?" Yabsley -. '.Yes. I claimed
that he had nothing but common
cold. ."-TeTre Haute Erpress.
Jones-'I never saw anything go
like the sugar in this house. Four
pounds in six weeks! It's awful! How
do you account for itp" Mrs. Jones
81 don't know unless the grocer puts
quicksand in ii. -Bipghanaton Leader.
Severe Adorer (about to enter the
ministry trust you find a great
deal of comfort in thinking of Script
ure verses" Interesting Invalid -
"Yes, indeed! That text, Grin and
bear it, does me heap of good."-
Life.
''By thunder, old fellow, what has
happened to you that you smile SO all
the time? What is it so good?" 30,
nothing at all, but you see one never
knows nowadays but somebody may
be photographing him." = Fliege'ade
BtGetter.
II observe with regret, George" said
Georges father, ''that you are still at
the foot of your class. Is there no pros
pect of your doing better?" 80, yes,
father; | expect to be second or third
in the next class below next term. y
~ Y. San.
you know what a fashion Miss
Gnawledge has of quoting proverbs at
all times?" Yes" "Well. last night
as 1 remarked about midnight that I
must go, she looked at the clock and
murmured, Better late than never"
N. Y. Herald.
Primus- 'sHow did Fergus do at the
speaking?" Secundus = swell, sir,
when Fergus time came there was
round after round OF. applause" Pri-
mus Good! l must congratulate him
on his success" Secundus = '.And
when he finished you could have heard
pin drop" ."-Rarper's Bazar.
Young Wife (who has just caught
sight of her husbands face in the mir
ror)-.'Why, dear, what's the matter?"
Husband (savagely)-'I can't get the
combination of this blanked four-in-
hand tie" Wife (sweetly) ''Well, be
careful not to look round this way,
dear; I'm feeding the baby its milk
After the railroad accident. Hus-
band (extricating himself from the
wreck Emily. thank God you are
Wife-..Dreadfni. SHear the the poor mip peo-
pie groan! DearestP" Husband -
'What is it, loxepn Wife-.Is my
hat on straight ?"-- Darlington Free
Press.
Smith-"That was very Interesting
lecture of yours on the Catacombs. Did
you write it(while you were in Rome,
or after you returned home? Spouter
20, no. a wrote it before l went.
Wanted to get it off my mind, you
know, SO that when l got abroad I'd
have nothing to do but enjoy myself" :"
Boston Transcript.
Mr.. Penn-'It amuses me to see you
W 1IOuAo IiiC OAO
would think you were going to we'd
ling" Mrs. Penn-'1 didn't spend
much time dressing when l went to
your wedding" Mr.. Penn-':No, you
weren't taking any chances. You
knew that delays were dangerous" y
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Mrs. Grubb's Cook-"Law. but the
missus do hate to have boarder come
from your house to ours" Mrs. Hash
croft's Cook-'I 'spects they do grum-
BILE good deal. IT'S so different to
what they have been used to-" Mrs.
Grubb's Cook-"Bless your soul, that
isn't it. What she kicks on is their
bein' so awful hungry Ierre Haute
Express.
Mrs. Montmorency-Smythe - "No,
Mrs. Raggles, we never have any fam
ily jars in our house. Whenever diff
ficulty occurs between my husband
and me Mr.. Smythe always takes his
hat and goes out" Mrs. DeBaresford-
Raggles.''Ah, yes, I've often Won
dered why it was that Mr.. Smythe
snent so much of his time on the