The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1890-10-31
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


1T seems to be easier to be IA.
poleon of Finance thans to pay 100 cents
on q dollar.-Lewiston Journal.
(Which side did the old maid take
in the marriage discussion?" THAT mar
riage is Lot failure. Yankee Blade.
The man who runs his boots down
at the heel has hard time keeping his
toes square with the world.-Ram's
Horn.
-Clara-"I think Fred is one of the
most weakened fellows ever met"
Nellie (Fred's best girD-"I don't think
so. He holds me we'll enough. Boston
Herald
The Modern Great Man.-''When
were you born, Prof. Greathead." 1.-The
nth day of May, 1882 or SO i am not
sure; but you will find it in the encyclo-
pgedia. "-Fliegende Batter.
-Alice-"Why, Edith, is that you?"
What a pretty bonnet you have on!'
Edith-"Do you think l look we'll in
it?" Alice-"Yes, indeed-I hardly
knew you. "-Munsey's Weekly.
Physician Ito country EDITOR -
"Your pulse is decidedly better. How
about your circulation?' Country Edi-
tor (absent mindedly) Circulation?
About two thousand. Subscription
price, S1.5O per year. "-Harper's Bazaar.
You don't know what phenome-
non is? Why, COW is no phenomenon
and an apple tree is not phenomenon
either, but il the COW should climb the
apple-tree, that would be a phenome-
non. "-Fliegende Batter.
REPRESENTATIVE you bought a
ticket to the church fair?" Bjones-
Not yet; but speaking of church fairs,
what an awful highway robbery that
was in Arizona, yesterday. Lawrence
American.
-Reader-"Yes, I liked your new
novel very we'll; but l observe tho
critics do not find your characters nat
ural." Novelist-"I made those char
acters up out of my own head" Reader
--"Ah! l see the critics think they are
rather wooden. America.
Practical Dame - GLOW much are
these fish," Marketman - "SiXteen
cents pound, ma am" Practical Dame
THAT seems very high, but then, I
know fishing is very hard on the consti-
tuition. Every time my husband goes
he has an awful headache the next
morning. Good News.
Employment Agent-"Th' top O. TIL
mornin' t We, Biddy Maloney. Dive
found place fur We. Go to the strate
an number We foind on this card"
Domestic-''Sure, it's a noice neighbor-
hood, Oil 60" Agent-Wait minute,
Biddy. Take off that French cap. It's
not French maid, but an American
CURL they wants. IN. Y. Weekly.
Awful, indeed!-Mrs. Kawler--'I'm
sorry that your husband was caught and
sent to prison for his embezzlement of
the banks funds" Mrs. Ab-Sconder -
"Yes, and the worst of 1t was that in
court they put him right into the same
pen with all the cheap, petty thieves.
So degrading to man who stole $780,
600. "-Lawronce American.
The Importance of thinking before
you speak recently received an amusing
illustration at a meeting held in we'll
known town not hundred miles from
the banks of the Hudson. One of the
persons who occupied the stage was an
enthusiastic deacon, who frequently in
terrupted the speakers by yelling:
THANK goodness for that" One gen.
tleman was called upon who arose and
said: Ladies and gentlemen, 1 am
heart and soul in this cause, and feel
that it would be great benefit to the
people of this place" Thank goodness
for that" yelled the deacon. But,
ladies and gentlemen" he continued,
81 am going to say that it will be impos-
CT f> ol1 = Sc
-" ''Thank good mess for that" broke
in the absont-minded deacon, amidst
general laughter.-N. Y. Ledger