West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1890-07-17
The boarders who at breakfast time
Around the table throng

The boarders who at breakfast time
Around the table throng
Can always tell when cofIee's weak
And butter strongl
Miss Twenty-clght (coyly)-"I had a
strange dream the other night, Mr.. DE
Peystcr. dreamcd-only think!-that
you and were married and oh our we'd
ding tour. You don't know how real IL
seemed. Did you dream the same thing,
too2"
He (firmly)-"No, Miss Twenty-elght,
did not. In fact haven't had the night
mare now for good many years"
Tommy-Paw, what does tho word
native meani"
Mr. Figg-"Why, It means what you
are born to or In, so to speak"
Tommy-"Thon when the teacher said
that Mr.. Chun Gee was TO deliver an ad-
dress I'm his native costume, did she mean
that he WAS to speak In tho costume that
be was born ini"
Mr.. Fisg-"I guess It Is about time
you went to bed"
She Csentimentally)-"I often think
that the world Is full OF unsung songs"
He practically" What's tho use Of
them II we never hear thcml"
She-"Ahi we can feel them. There Is
a song In the flower, In the flying cloud,
the"
He-"Well, the world may be full OF
unsung songs, but / am going to take
care thatit is not full OF unkissed kisses"
Let the curtain be drawn.
"Wait n moment outside; Maria. I've
got to step in here"
you ought to have moro regard for
appearances, John, than to stop at drug
store on the way to church."
(Fiercely)-"It isn't question OF ap-
pearances, Maria, It's question OF econ
omy. I've got to buy cigar or two and
get some small change on else throw this
twenty-five cent piece In the contribution
box. Do you think I'm Jay GouldI"
A friend OF ours relatos the following,
and states that the scene occurred at a
hotel in Bridgeport, Conn. The land
lord said TO a boarder:
Sec here, Mr., tho chambermaid
found hairpin in your bed this morning
and 1t will not answer. | cannot have
such things going on in my house"
well" replied the boardor, al found
n hair In the butter this morning, but it
does not prove you had woman in It,"
The two men looked at each other for
about ten seconds, when each smiled and
went his way, no doubt bordering on the
pecullarlties OF circumstantial evidence.
A Portland boy committed some mis-
demeanor for which he was about to TO-
ceir1 punishment at the hands OF his
mother. The boy begged to be allowed
to go to his room. Permission was
granted and the child went up stairs TO
his own room and closed the door behind
him. The mother followed and listened
outside, after telling him he must hurry
and come down again and receive his pun.
ishmcnt. The boy went to the side of
the bed. knelt down and this was his
prayer:
Dear Lord, II you love little BOYS and
want to help me out, now Is the time"
|
A tramp applied to crusty merchant
for a small loan.
Its against my principles" he said.
Ito give money to such fellows as you"
81 hope, sir" said the tramp, that
you w;ll change your mind In my case,
want so little, you know"
How much will satisfy your"
"You may determine that, sir"
"Wen, here's nickel; now don't spend
1t for whiskey."
you might do that, SIR" said the
tramp, taking the money, but won't"
II mighti" queried the surprised mer-
chant What do you mean7"
well, l mean that you look like a
man that would drink flve-cent whis-
key and know I'm not that kind. Good
day" and he disappeared hurriedly. 4,
Mrs. Hayseed, lat big city hoteD.-
They Is awfully attentive at this tavern.
amt they?" Mr Hayseeds-"Yes, stree.
they're bound to give US the worth OF our
money, guess. Them errand bows has
been In dozen times In the Last half
hour to see II wanted anything. What
are you working at there, Marier2" eve
| been tryin' for the last half hour ter SEQ
what this ere button In the wall is for.n
Hired Glrl:-"Two gentlemen at the
door, sir, want TO see you. They didn't
come together, but happened along az
the same time" Citizen:-"How do
they act1" Zone Of them is very polite.
and begs the honor Of few n nutes' con.
versation." 81 don't want TO see him
he's book agent" "The other isn't no.
lite at all. He says 4 want to sec him.
"Thats dun. Tell 'em both I'm not nt
home"
wife, ! wish you could make piea
that would taste as well as my mothers
used to-"
well, my dear, you run out and bring
a pail Of water, hod OF coal and an arm
ful OF wood just as you used TO for your
mothcr, and then you will like my pies
Just as we'll"
He concluded that the pies would do
just as they were
He What aort - a. .-tt ID,