New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1890-06-23
CHANCES HERE AND THERE.


"Spcnt my first twenty years. said veteran
statesman the other day, in the intervals OF fanhs
trying to make people sec the exact point OF every
thing whether they would or not. Found out they
wouldn't, I'm spending my second twenty IN
trying keep the dear old donkeys from seeing the
exact point OF anything Just as good exercse-ahd
more fun"
Dear donlScys sometimes see the point Of things
though: else what becomes Of the BaJaam incident
But even II you to fail them around with naming
swords you couldn't make one OF them see through
the widc-open popular allacy that the moonshner IS
tho natural enemy Of the excise and the smuggier
the sworn foeman Of all revenue on imports. But,
dear dear how should your moonshiner 1--we II all
stills we're free your smugger In the bsSful realms
Of Free Trade, such never was on land or sea- ny
the wayl
And once again, By the way did it ever occur to
Won that there is but one Eden OF Absolute Free Trade
this fallen earth Namely. the rock-bound Isle OF
Hong Kong, the home Of the Chinese smugglerf IL
is wise serpent that lnoweth Its own applc-tree.
IIearlSen to the woes Of Of the 1,4OO OF North
port 40 m. f. y. f. from Bkln lsee small gazctleers
and suggest If you can some save or solvent. being
more and more convinced of your uncommon sense IN
particular andr-hm-ah, yes, here 1t is-thus she
continues, "wth most fearful sympathy followed
Mrs Helen Campbell's Prisoners Of Poverty and
she'd | might release some Every little while we
are stirred to- pity for homeless orphan GIRL Dt
recently, to my establishment. when set TO WORK III
earnest to find one have no success. have apple"
to the House Of Refuge on Randas Island ana 10
house Of reception for friendless ones want gir
anywhere from ten to fourteen years Of age, to run
errands. wash Dishes and such light work. The family
wash is done out of the house all the cookng Is doG
by the cook, so you perceive it Is not nara placc
search the advertisements In vain. DO not refer M
10 them But if you can, help me as kindly as You
did the good woman searching for comey oi.,or
Arkansas scythe or sickle-whlch was IL y .'eltHer'
dear lady. only a sharpener-of knives, not Wits
Would it had been wits, for then how simple TO
have fitted want to want. in thls empty, overcoming
world ~ ours 70 have conducted the homeless orphan
OF one column to yeaning home OF the nn"dShed
dishes only inch away on Its right haho' 10 hA'0
Joined the laundress to the unlauhdered u nave
filed the freseggless bachelor with fresh eggs LOT
instance Here fresh egg steadily failing III price
as the moments n.y. and the cachng Of its mother
fades DER the backyard there a cub-bound ioes'
egg,poon in hand, emphatic, Inverted, sternly eX
claiming call that fresh. sir Bring me pencn
and paper and III write TO the committee BAD
distribution ma'am. that's all. We're newspapers a,
G@G as eggs H and-and oTphansyou would
see your Tribune never or else you o ann your
morning coffee which OF you should have the hrs'
d" read Of last months paper.
Enough, enough Bacllli have been found IN
hallstones A something at " the Johns Hopkins
" therefore, the" o Johns ~ has been ana gone
and anayzed the things (blowpipeD. and projected
them on screens and monographed EN- and all ule
rest Well all right, "cheer up, tits no use 10 be
glum boys" for what's the odds and whats inc use
Of botherng about anything when any sudden nv to
summer backness in the sky may lay Gown an VIZ
bearded diseases Of Manitoba or Laprddor DIT so"i
very wndowsill. on ice
There were no bootblacks in Master W. Shake
snearcs dav else would he not have committed himself
hot.
other way conscience doth make towards of us all.
save Wonder booblack. lie must have added, or words
70 that effect observing that nowhere got he so fair
measure Of tho called conscience a from ths
shining son Of italy. And even Shakespeare never
had a train g. catch and one shoe done. and Hurry
up aid IN vain the sinner In the ltallc lexicon
Of youth patent applied for there's no such word a.
Irirv Thrice he shines. once. twice he fingers
finally he whsks, and then not before; the sun sun
burned slave Of conscience lets you go Missed your
trainl We'll, his conscience Is clear
The summer will be long and hot. II YOU don't
believe II the Stiffness already. and three weeks
vet n the silly season. fine contribution comes
by post: 81 want TO meet in mass convention III the
mountains. by the sea IN the woods by some n''u
lcnr lake don't care where. lot of the old fellows
tia, learned 10 read ont Of McGuGeys Third Reader
.amc as did. address, McGuncy. care OF me
.omcthnc other than McGufey this enthusiast ma
omitted to sign it-not necessarily a. " guarantee
The Oh Purscr has been writing 70 Inc Irlp'"e
again 10 say that there is after all. worse tplhe
than a lanitor even though his friend the scan
dinavian phiologcr. does derive the word from the
ancient Fnmarkish dialect "Ja,' yes. certainly :
init" or Met no, not nothing; ." or with queer
ness over or through the 81, less or worse tiai
Total certainly worse than nothing Ihat worse
T. no ianitor at all the engineer al the doorbell ana
freeze out served % the credulons tenant, VIZ
foolishly imagined their year included july Nusu>'
H S,,en,Ser as i'm the lease and bills II does
WSv o, ali men, IS the landlord so subject 10
myopla
Sccnc a rcstorawT not far away rom inc
ccntrc of bilhons-First Restorer-" They TX up HI
Al article Of corn beef in this place tell you
second Restorer-" They get up Their corn-beet Ill
good shape. and don't you forget it. Ana ih"a'uN
promising 10 bear this in mind. the listener qiit'cu
mo ,bode Of corn beef" and English uhuch!cu'
ua. anv one an approximate idea OF what ne means
when no SAYS in good shape "in bad shape
cny times a day in perhaps twenty various Se"sos
II so. has any one else