Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-06-02

In Texas they say that whoever steals
a horse mustang.
An Albany paper advertises a rattle for
a COW. 1t will be milk shake.
Arthur-Don't marry Ella. She is as
silent as post. Fred-Then she is just
the girl to hitch to.
Whom do you suppose fell in with
at Venice?" II didn't know you fell in.
Was it cold?"
You were not at poor Maurices funeral?
No, was not. Was that kind? Bah! he
won't come to mine, so we are quits.
''Humph!" said the Snowman, that's a
pretty rocky dromedary." think SO, too.
1 really thought it was lapidary, it is so
rocky.
John said the dying man, twill you
be one of my pall-bearers?" II shall be
only too glad to, old fellow" replied
John, sympathetically.
How do you spell beehive, mammal
asked Johnny Cumso. ''B, double e, h, i,
V, e. ''Oh, L thought there were more
bees than that in beehive!"
s'Is that cement any good?" asked a
prospective purchaser of peddler. ANY
good!" was the reply. why, you could
mend the break of day with that cement. "
Curious habit that some miners have
strapped round the waist" Daniel Web
ster used TO wear his stock around his
neck"
'.Oh, Mr.. Wong Choo, please tell me
what the doves are saying to each other. p"
ME don't understand" Don't you?
thought all Cinnamon understood pigeon
English"
''Well,' said he, as she finished her
first plate of ice cream and called for an
other, ''all's fair in love and war, and as
you've won the battle, suppose 1 must
retreat"
You make a great mistake in speaking
of that as a baby joke" ''Why, isn't it?"
mot exactly. 1t is joke about baby !;
but it is too old and gray-haired to be a
baby joke"
..Cholly had an idea yesterday" ''What
did he do with it?" ''Lost it. He had his
cane in his mouth at the time it occurred
to him, and before he could get it out he
had lost the idea"
my benefit is coming off next week
Friday. Can't you assist, Miss Vladimir"
Il can't possibly be there, but you may
announce me, and l will send doctors
certificate to satisfy the audience.
Maud-What do you call your beau for
a pet name? Alice-I used to call him
'Ducky,' but now L think I'll call him
april Showers what for?'' t'Cause
he brings me May flowers"
Il see that coffee has goneup remark
ed the boarding house keeper. The star
boarder shifted at his cup suspiciously.
''That won't make any difference to you,"
he remarked, with a grim smile.
Pauline-Don't go, Reginald. Reginald
Il must, love; it is after ten. Pauline
Indeed it isn't; it's only half after. And
Reginald upon consulting his watch, OBJ
served that it said just 10 80.
at seems like spring-tinle, said Chollie,
lingering on the steps. 1T is spring
Chollie sudden and unexpected impetus
which prevented his lingering longer.
The brave old song that says, sin the
battlefront we stand" was oddly sung
by child, who evidently appreciated the
music more than the situation, as he al
ways sang, ''In the battle front we sit"
.'Mussy me, what barbarous things the
brokers isp' quoth Mrs. Spriggins.
whats the matter now?" cit says that
they was pluckin' the lambs for all they
was worth yesterday. Lord knows it's
bad enough to shear the pore things!''
A mother started to tell the story of
miser to her children, and, upon asking
if they knew what a miser was, her sew
en-year-old replied, oh, yes, know, econ
omiser, somebody who always saves,
and never spends a cent.
Clerk would like a small increase in
my salary, sir. Merchant don't see
my way clear to that. but L can do the
same thing in another way. You know
that time is money? Clerk Yes, sir.
Merchant-Well, hereafter you can woIk
until six, Instead OF quitting at five.
Young man, il you don't want to hustle,
20 10 Samoa. You eau get hundred
acres of good land Tor Sl.37, and the tax
as on the same will be only 80 cents a
year. You can easily live on what grows
wild on your land, so that you can spend
all your time lying down and thinking
what soft snap you are having.