Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1890-09-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

sweIls the heart instead of the head
Boston Courier.
A saloon is like a harbor-most OF
the wrecks are to be found outside the
bar.-Terre Hdute Express.
Resolutions are like messenger boys.
They are the easiest thing imaginable
to pass.-Boston Transer.eI
Contributor-.How much ought to
get for that poem?" Editor-''You
,ught to get about fifteen years.
Puck.
when drink much / can't work,
and so / let il alone" The drink
ing3" No. the working. ng."-Fliegende
Biaetter.
Mrs Fangle-.'This Russian inhuen-
"a is very contagious. is it not2" Fam
gle Yes, even a detective could
catch it."-Life.
The lawyers in the case are like n
pair of shears. They never cut them
selves. but what is sbetween--LGUreEcs
american.
Ihe reason why il hurts to have a
tooth pulled is supposed to be that you
can't bite your lips at the time
Fiiegerlde BLdetter-
When we see Young father wheel
ing his first baby in the street we OBJ
tain realizing sense of the joys of a
carriage and pere--PueS.
Irate Housewife You're ALWAYS
breaking something" Servant-"Sure
bnt amt tried it on your record for
fault finding. g."-RoDle Sentinel.
Brenson-"See here. Cadley, did
you tell Smithers l was the meanest
MI hot
NO, / didn't draw the color line. -
N. y. San.
The poet saws that Ills love which
makes the world go round" 1t also
makes the young man go around"
quite frequently Sunday nights.-Io-
Iedo Commercial
What is your idea of a gentleman.
Yellowly?" "A true gentleman al
ways laughs at the joke of a story and
never says that he heard it before. -
Boston Courier
He-..What did your father say
when You told him that We were en-
gaged?" She-'Oh. Augustus. YOU must
not ask me to repeat such languageI"
Boston Budget
A clever man has invented system
of reading music for the blind How
delightful Now they can feel the elo-
quence of Wagner's music without
having 10 hear it.-Lite.
wickwire - What is the reason
Nudge does not speak to you any
more? Have You offended him in any
way?" Yabsley Yes. l claimed
that he bad nothing but a common
cold. d."-Terrs HaUte Express.
Jones-.'I never saw anything 90
like the sugar in this house -Four
pounds in six weeksl Its awful How
do YOU account for it?" Mrs. Jones
Il don't know unless the grocer puts
quicksand in t."-BinghaDlfon Leader.
Severe Adorer (about to enter the
ministry)-''I trust you find a great
deal of comfort in thinking of Script
ure verses" Interesting Invalid -
Yes, indeedl That text, Grin and
bear it, does me a heap of good
Lye.
BY thunder. old fellow, what has
happened to YOU that you smile so all
the time? What is it so good?n 20,
rothing at all, but you see one never
knows nowadays but somebody may
be photographing him" - FiisJel.ds
BlGstter.
Il observe with regret, George" said
Georges father. that you are still at
the foot OF your class Is there no pros
pect of your doing better?" 20, yes,
father | expect to be second or third
in the next class below next term
N. !. Sun.
You know what . fashion Miss
Gnawledge has of quoting proverbs at
all times?" Yes" We'll. last night
as remarked about midnight that
must go. she looked at the clock and
murmured, Better late than never"
~ T. Herald.
Primus-'How did Fergus do at the
speaking?" Secundus - We'll, sir,
when Fergus time came there was
round after round of applause" Pri-
mus-''Goodl 1 must congratulate him
on hi, success" Secundus - And
when he finished you could have heard
pin droP."-HarPsr's Bdzar.
Young Wife (who has just caught
sight of her husbands face in the mir
rorJ-''Why, dear, what's the matter?"
Husband (savagely)-''I can't get the
hand tie" Wife (sweetly)-"Well, be
careful not to look round this way,
DEAR I'm feeding the baby its milk"
After the railroad accident. Hus-
band (extricating himself from the
wreck)-''Emily. thank God you are
safei HeavensI isn't this awful?"
Wife-"Dreadfuli Hear the poor peo-
pie groanl Dearest?7 Husband -
What is il, love?" Wife-.Is nv
hat on straight?n- BHriillgto. Free
Press.
Smith-"Ihat was a very Interesting
lecture of yours on the Catacombs. Did
you write it while you were in Rome,
or after you returned homer Spouter
%, no, wrote it before / went
Wanted to get it off my mind. you
know. SO that when l got abroad Id
have nothing to do but enjoy myself"
Boston Transcript.
Mr.. Penn-''It amuses me to see vou
dressing to go around the corner One
would think you were going to a we'd
ding" Mrs. PENN didu't spend
much time dressing when / went to
your wedding" Mr.. Penn-"No, Won
weren't taking any chances. You
knew that delays were dangerous."-
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Mrs. Grubb's Cook-'Law, but the
missus do hate TO have a boarder come
from your house to ours" Mrs. Hash
croft's Cook 'spects they do grum-
ble good deal It's so different to
what they have been used to-" Mrs.
Grubb's Cook-''Bless your soul, that
isn't it What she kicks on is their
bein' so awful hungry-"-Terre Hauts
Express.
''Ye have me sympathy Mrs Sulli-
ivin-" '.Phwat fur, Mr.. O'Brien?r
Your Bereavement It's in marnin'
costume We air, | see" Sure an it's
In sivenin costoom Dim in. It's me