Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-07-21
A buy word-How much?

Like misery, there is nothing a girl
likes so much as company.
'And are all these gentlemen editors?"
eyes" (Which of them is 'We?'"
$50 to the ant, thou sluggard;" or go
to the picnic, and he will came to you.
She-I wonder what makes it rain?
He-I suppose the pours of the sky are
opened.
The young man in the habit of drink
ing so much that he sees double should al
ways remain single.
Edith-It's little things that tell in this
life. Alice-Well, you'd think so if you
had two small brothers, as have.
''Now, Johnny, you know what noun
is, do yon?' ''Yethum." "What is Je-
rusalem?" IAN ejaculation, num-"
The identity of the person who struck
Billy Patterson is still unsettled, but it
was Thomas B. Reed who struck the sill
yer bill.
"Ihave never read Shakspeare's works."
said pretentious woman, s'but always
entertained the highest opinion of him as
q man."
A little girl asked to define dove said:
"A dove is an insect with white foliage
This was real attempt to put her ideas
into words.
The man best qualified to enjoy the
honeymoon is the one who had all the ro-
nance kicked out of him before he reach
ed that period.
Spontaneous combustion is sometimes
caused by an accumulation of oiled rags
and sometimes by collection of insur-
ance policies.
England need not despair of settle
ment of the African problem. The COM
mencement orator will dispose of it be-
fore the month is out.
Husband (reading)-This paper says
jenkins will lead Miss Cuttlefish to the
altar shortly. Wife = Humph. He'll
never lead her any farther.
Holworthy (entering late)-How long
has DIR. Vox been preaching? Sexton
Twenty-Five years, sir. Holworthy-
guess l won't go in, sir.
What a nice portmanteau you have,
Henry. Yes, my wife gave it to me on
my birthday OH Was there anything
in it? Why, yes, the bill for the port
manteau.
He Cat midnight) Funny custom the
Chinese have. The hostess is expected
to notify the caller when it is time to go.
She with a sigh)-Butwe are in America
you know.
Somewhat on the principle Of the max
imum thermometer is a recent invention
that records for mans benefit the occa- |
sion on which he made the biggest fool |
of himself.
Minister-Well, Bobby, do you think
you will be a better boy this year than
you were last? Bobby (hopefully) /
think so, sir, began taking cod liver oil
last week.
A Voice from Africa, Mumbo Jumb of
Ujji Greeting missionary)-Glad to meet
you, sab, but rs powerful tender bout my
orthodoxy, an L don't want to heah no
talk bout revisin' de creed!
Miss BIeacher-That was beautiful
catch you made yesterday, Mr.. Infield.
Inield-Yes, twas yesterday first met
you. Then there was a short stop in the
conversation pending bushes.
A mans capacity for endurance in some
respects changes after marriage. The
lover that never grumbled at holding a
40 pound girl for hours, grumbles if he
has to hold ten-pound baby two minutes.
Mrs. DeSmith-My dear, have little
conundrum for you. Why does woman
change her mind oftener than a man?
Mr.. DeSmith- (still reading)-Because
a woman's mind needs changing oftener
than a mans.
Percy, who had just come out of skirts
was one day strutting around in his first
suit of jacket and trousers, when lady
remarked, ''Hello! 1 guess some one has
some new clothes With crushing force
came the reply, Them amt clothes
them's pants"
We read in a New Hampshire paper:
OOhn w CoAOy 10 hiN SAONh-
cry ware for the boarding-h he will
run this summer. He will have a shoot
ing gallery and a variety show under can
vas in connection with his house." How
are the mighty fallen!
Sweet little Mary was greatly elated
because her long curls lay on the BARRIERS
floor and were not to trouble her through
the hot summer. my hair is cutter of
than it was she proudly informed Wis
Itor But something in the laughter
which followed caused her to think she
had made n mistake, SO to another she
sid, my hair Is cut offer than IL Was,V