Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1890-12-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

" a. y Iu Cin0 AS
Gazette.
You are bound to hate the man who
knows YOU are q liar.-Ne1D Orleans
Pcayu1e.
A great barcarole-That the dog
PLAYS when baving the moon at night.
Boston Herald.
Some men buy umbrellas. some men
achieve them, and some get wet and
swear.-Ie1as SJtir1gs.
Deaf and dumb people are generally
musical; it is rare to find one that cam
not play the symbols. Binghan'tona
Republican.
Poet-"I sent you some verses this
morning." Editor-"All right. I'll
see that you get them back right away"
N. Y. World.
There are few men who can live
without an income, and perhaps fewer
still that can live within one.-Bing-
hanatoss Leader.
A lover differs from some medical
prescriptions in that he cannot very
well be shaken before he is taken
Binghannton Leader.
Miss De Muir-.'Papa always gives
me book as birthday gift" Miss
De Meanor-'What fine library you
must have!'-LJe.
She-"What's poacher, Jackp"
He-''A fellow who steals the game. :"
She-"Why you told me that was an
umpire. '-Yhe Jester.
1t is generally supposed that it was
due TO the fact that Absalom wore his
hair la Fauntleroy that he died SO
young.-M. Y. Commercial.
Philanthropist-'I suppose this lazi-
ness is bred in YOU fellows" Tramp
Not by durn sight. I'm as empty
as a vacuum. IN. Y Herald.
He-"What do you call that dress?"
She Gin aesthetic gown This? O.
this is a liberty" He-''Well. if that's
liberty, give me death. "-Harper's b.
gar.
Youngly-"How did you come to
know that you were in love with me.
dearie?" Debutante (blushingly)-"I
felt that was an awful fool. IN Y.
Sun.
That fellow, with his predictions,
reminds me of a Roman au gur.n He
hits the facts so often?" No. he's
such a terrible bore. - Philadelphia
Times.
Clergyman-"Your sins will find you
out" Reprobate-"I wish they would
The trouble just now is that they fine
me in when they call on me. IN Y
Herald.
when were you born Prof. Great
head?n THE 18th day of May, 1873:
or '33-I am not sure; but you vii
find it in the encyclopedia. File
gende BE0etter.
Humorist-"My output of jokes i:
now hundred a week" Friend
.And what of the roturns?" '.Abou
ninety" "Dolars?" No; jokes."-
Hdrper's Bdzar.
why is she so cool toward you?'
well, you see she was my summer
girl. She couldn't change to an au
tumn girl without cooling off a little.
N. Y Herald.
''Iime is money, my boy. Remem
Der that" Il think there must b.
some mistake about that, father. It.!
SO hard to pass in some localities. y
H0rper's Bdzar.
The time passed very pleasantly in
the parlor, and it was not till the clocl
and the neighboring bells struck on,
that the lateness of the hour strucl
two.-B0Ston Beacon.
A scandalmonger is a person wht
talks TO our neighbors about us. Al
entertaining talker is person wht
tells us mean stories about our neigh
bors.-Nunsey's Weekly.
He-"How would you like to spent
the honeymoon in Lapland?" She
passed the most of courtship, YOU
know. "-BostOn Herald.
Your account has been standing a
long time, Mr.. Dukey." Then give
it seat, my dear Shears" Very
glad to. sir; shall we make it re.
ceipt?" Clotbjer and Furnisber.
$50 You want to leave me. Greteh.
en-? [ am very sorry; but, of course,
if you think you can do better
That's not so at all, marin; I'm going
to be married. "-Ftiegende Btoettcr.
Miss Anglo-"Children in Americ a
do not appear to pay the proper
amount of respect to age" Miss
Gotham-"And | suppose that annoys
you very much. "-Boston Transcript.
Surgeon CATER the railroad accident
to wounded passenger)-''Wh are
you hurt, sirP" Passenger-"How dc
you expect me to knowP I'm one of
officers of the mpany."-N. Y. San,
There is something crooked about
the law of retribution. 1t isn't the
woman just in front with the big hat
who gets her foot stepped on when the
man goes in pursuit of cloves. Wash
| i7agtoH Post
Boggs-"That was very restful
sermon this morning" Trotter -
''Restfulp Why, / was nearly tired to
death. 1t was fully an hour long"
Boggs-''That just it. slept through
it all."-N. y. Herald.
Lawyer Hubble The Fifth National
has failed and have been victimi2ed!
Old Fobbs-'Really! The news must
have quite upset YOU" Lawyer Hub,
ble-'.No, l was not upset, but lost
my balance. Racket.
Let me illustrate the difference be.
tween capital and labor" said the rich
uncle to the impeunious nephew. Sup
pose / gave YOU 800. and" That's
capital!' replied the nephew, extend.
ing his hand for the money.-Bosto1a.
sa11.
Prof. Strabismus-'' Now. young gen
tlemen. You have heard brief account
of the condition of trade in this coun-
FRI INI,, nool