The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1890-04-12


now ef he decides agin me IN whup MIN
till the folks viii think he has been
chawed up and spit up by threshin'
machine"
"And as fur me, said Job, "I'm mon
delighted with the idee, but lest let me
say that eff he decides agin me I'll WALTON
him till you'd have to get him together
with a hay rake"
"Gentlemen," the parson remarked,
"I shall render no decision. am very
well satisfied with my position in life.
my circuit is comparatively smooth, and
have pretty good horse; my salary is
tagging, but the sisters have given me
ninety-eight linsey shirts, and calico
handkerchief enough to cover the Rock
Of Ages; so, taking it all into consldera-
ton, do not care to be food for dys-
peptic thrashing machine, or TO clog the
teeth Of hay rake"
"Ah, Lawd," sighed the old man, "the
end amt no nearer in sight than it was
at fust. Judy, fetch out the Jug" he
added, as the preacher said something
In an undertone. "Now, boys" he con-
tinued, when the jug had been brought,
"he'p yo'selves."
The boys being mighty partial toward
liquor, began to help themselves. The
old man took few pulls and the parson
dampened his pucker, but the boys drank
recklessly, and after a while they were
generously intoxicated.
Job said Mark, 'q'm the best friend
yon ever had. You may have Judy"
''Mark," Job responded, "you amt no
better friend to me than l am to you, so
you take her."
Wont do IL; you've got to take her. "
ono; you've got to-"
"Now, we can call on the parson to
decide" the old man delightfully."- ex-
claimed.
"That's what we can, said Mark. ''Par-
son, you pick out one of us to be the hus-
band of Judy, here, an 1 want to say
right here that Jobs my friend, an that
If you decide agin' him I'll larrup you till
you'd run through a SITTER"
'Parson, Pm in favor of your maxim a
decision" Job declared; ''and am will
lin to leave it to your Judgment; but let
me tell you right now, parson, if you de-
eide agin' Mark I'll whale you till all that
is left of you would ooze through a tow
sack"
Gentlemen" said the preacher, "as
just now remarked, 1 am not at all dis
pleased with my circuit l am attached
to my ninety-eight linsey shirts, and have
become smitten with my calico handker-
chiefs l shall make no decision.
Mark and Job began to stretch them
selves on the floor. "Let them Sleep"
said the old man. "Ho, me-" he sighed.
81 don't see no way outen this trouble"
~ do" the preacher answered; "step
outdoors with me"
When they returned the old man said:
"Judy, a decision has been made. You
must marry the preacher. Hold on, now
don't fly off. He'd do better by you than
any one of the boys. Why, jest think,
he's got calico handkerchiefs enough to
make more bedquilts than you could
stuff into hired mans appetite, and
every woman in the community would
be-
"Petrified with envy" the parson sug-
gested.
An expression of delighted resignation
shone on the girls face.
81 win make out the license and dc
the marryin' myself" said the old man,
80 don't be skeered now; I'll fix the
boys all right"
Mark awoke, and getting up, aroused
Job. Squire" said Mark, "we got q
little too much of your Ticker. Where
did you get it?'
"That preacher that was here sent il
to me the other day"
"Wall, he knows what strong lickel
is; don't he, Job?'
"That's whut he do, Mark, Job added
81 don't know how we air goin' to fix W
this love business"
"Neither dol. Where's JudyT'
"Its well you may ask whar she is,
when you driv' her off in that way" an.
swered the old man.
'fWho driv' her Off" Job exclaimed.
"Why, you and Mark thar, when beg
ged you not to drink SO much, but yoU
didn't pay no attention to me. You sworC
both of you-that ef didn't stand up
here and marry Judy to the preacher
you'd kill all of us, and / jest had to dc
it, and then you driy' the bride and groom
away, and you ought to be ashamed o.
yo'selves."
Mark and job remained silent, sitting
over the fire for an hour at least, anC
then Mark, looking up, said:
"Job, don't believe there's but one
bigger fool than am"
"Who's that, Mark"
"Both of US together"
"You are right, Mark. Spozen WI
saunter on down ysnder an fall Offer