Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1890-08-13
HUMOROUS,

HUMOkODS,
UEIsIN DoUBr-"I don't know"
said Willie Washington, ''whethah Pm
popuIah with the young lady on whom
/ called lavst night Oh not"
"Why?" inquired the friend to whom
he was speaking.
'I had been there an ouah, when she
said: We'll, Mr.. Washington, We have
had a delightful evening, haven't
we?"
That was encouraging"
"Ya-a-s, but it happened that had
| the toothache, you know, and hadn't
said fouah wohds the whole evening.
don't you Know"
Too THIN-Miss Gummit-I didn't
| get wink of sleep last night.
| Visitor-Ab, indeed What was the
matter?
Miss Gummit-I had jumping TOOTH
ache. I am afraid the nerve in one OF
nv front teeth is exposed. / guess the
nerve will have 10 be removed.
Visitor Casidel-I should think It
would be easier TO remove the whole
/ SET
EXCUSED THIS TuAE-Schooimarm
twith ominous look in her eyel-W hat
made you so late, Robert Reedf
Robert-Been fightin'.
Schoolmarm advancing furiouslyl-
/ You have, eh?
Robert-Yes, Ms'am. A hoy sed yer
wuz ugly as homemade sin, an jest
give 1t TO him.
SchOolmarm-Well,B Bobby dear, III
/ have TO pardon you this time; but con-
troll your temper the best you can
HER ExCUsE-When viii parents
learn not to expect too much Of their
/ children?
ETHEL. get up, my dear. Don't YOU
know It's naughty to play like thatrMr.
| Smiths daughter never would do so.
She's a good little girl."
"Well, mamma, Bessie Smith ought
TO be better girl than l am. Her papa's
a minister, and NV papa's only dea-
con-"
ASKING TOO MUCH-Lady-I can't
stand this any more. You have a
| different soldier here in the kitchen
/ every week.
Servant-That's not my fault. In
house where the table is as poor as il
is IN this. you can't expect the same
soldier to stand 1t more than
week.
Too EXTENSIVE - Widower Ito
undertakerl-Whatl You say the
funeral costs two hundred dollars 1
wish had known that before.
Undertaker-You said you wanted
your late wife buried In stylish man.
ner.
Widower-Yes, certainly; but two
hundred dollars! Why, l would rather
have had no funeral at all than 10 have
to pay that amount.
AN ACCOMPLISHED GIRL - Mrs.
Smith-So your daughter has gradual
ed with hOnors.
Mrs. Jones-Yes, she understands
painting, and astronomy, and piano
playing, and Lord knows what all.
You ought TO be very proud.
i suppose so. l expect she will be
very happy in her married life If she
finds husband who knows how 70
cook, sew on buttons and dress child
rem
ACQUIRING INFORMATION SEX
cuse me, sir, " he said as he stepped into
the office, but do you carry any life in
surancepn
I'D like to answer that question by
asking another" said the merchant.
DO you carry any fire insuranee?'
"Why, no, l.
"well, if you go out quietly you
won't be fired. that's all"
AsTRoNoMICAL-Ja jove!
Who is that high stepperg
Hogg-O, he's a travelling theatrica al
star.
Jawkins-Why not call him a'planet'
then, as he's travelling starr
Hogg-Cm! May be that would he
better; he feels about as big IA 2
| planet!
"Hello! what have you been doing
all wInter?r
''Oh, I've been Inspector OF light
houses"
$50? l didn't hear of your appoint
ment-"
''WeH, it wasn't announced. l
backed the BarndoTe Opera Company
| on its Western tour"
"'No, l never know where my hus-
band is nights" s" remarked Mrs Cab
ley to lady to whom she had Just been
introduced. "Do you know wkers
yours Is, Mrs. Tompkins?''
''Oh, yes" quietly replied Mrs.
Tompkins. IL buried Mr.. Tompkins
in Greenwood last spring.
ONE RESOURCE - Old Richfellow
desperately If you refuse me, what
il there left for me TO doY
Sweet oirl-Well, l read the other
day about rich man who made his
will in favor of the woman who refused
him and then went out and hung him.
self.
Too BAD-I was penninga poem my
enthusiasm was at the highest pitch,
and then, oh, then
What thenT
My landlady came in to dun me for
my board bill.
ANXIOUS ToSUIT-FaKir-Nec
suspenders-
Baboony Chaughtily)-Do look like
a man who'd wear q twenty-cent neck
tiel
Fakir-Ven, 1 haf some for ten
cents, Mister.
We've named our daughter Ber-
ettA"
Curious name thati it is the name of