The morning call., 1890-08-31
ENGLISH WIT.
Paragraphs Written to Make the People
of England Laugh.


Seeing her son coming In with his fshing-rod,
said Mrs. Smithers: "Been fishing again. you
wicked boy; how many times have told you not
10 20 hshing on SundayW
"Bui, mother" saic The boy, 81 didn't catch
anything"
That's just III" exclalmed:Mrs. s.; ''and 1t is
almost Gluner-time, and not 4 Thing III the House
10 eat but bread and butter"
Iucy-So you refused him? What did the poor
fellow say?
Mabel-He said lie knew girl who would
marry him. and be glad TO-
q" wonder WHO lie meant?"
" wondered, TOO, so / asked him."
VINO was ii?"
yourself"
"What is a man Of war?r said a teacher to his
class.
"A cruiser" vas the prompt reply.
" What makes 1t g0"'
I" It's screw, sir"
WHO goes with it?"
"lts crew, sir"
Tomnly-hre you going to take the cat with
yon when you 60 10 see grandma next week. m
ask such foolish quesIions9
Cause heard pa tell Mr.. Braggs that the
mice would have high old time while the cat
was away next week, that's all.
Daughter, aged thirty-tbree dacetlously)-
Papa, found dozen gray hairs in my head ln's
morning and pulled them out. Don't you give
me away, though.
Father tsghing heavily)-GIve you away, En-
ly? I've abandoned all nope OF IL.
man, on being told by generous farmer that
he would give him barrel Of cider, asked the
farmer II lie would bring 1t to mis- house. Ger
talnly replied the farmer with pleasure"
Wel'," SAID the grateful man, "wlat Will you
allow Tor the barrel when the cider Is gone?'
man having announced that he was once in
community where they all minded their own
q tpn
called upon 10 tell where 1t was. " IL was on
board ship at sea-" lie said, land the passen-
gers were all 100 sick TO NEEDLE with one anolh-
er's affairs"
She Dining for pleasant words)-Oh, George,
j cannot understand IL. Why do you Lavish this
girls more beautiful and more worthy Than l :?
Helm bowed If know
Little Boy-I say mister, do you know why
You are like wafer?
Fat Man-No, my little boy, do not.
Because neither of you can run up hi l.''
fiuitless chase OF small boy By fat MANI
Brown-Look here, you have been calling on
the family OF Colonel s. for several years;
how Is IL you don't marry one OF his seven
daughters?
Robinson-Er-you see, should not Ike to
disappoint the others.
Gracious J" said the youth as he mOpped bis
prov, lPs TOO warm TO work." Then lie threw
down his pen. went out and played few games
OF tennis, pitched ball for While and IN the
evening rowed about four miles up the river.
Artlst-ion seem TO be very humble in the
presence OF that man. You acted as If you were
afraid OF him. You are not usually SO deferen-
tial.
Journalist-Hush he might hear you. That's
the cOmposltof who sets up my copy.
Mrs. Fangle-Im sorry for our Queen for one
thing.
Mr.. Fangle- What Is that?
Everybody knows her age, you see."
wise woman will not light the fire with kero'
sene but will invite the servant girl, 10 whom
she owes three months wages, TO do That same
She Is used 10 being blown up.
Mr.. Crlscross-Pass me the butter, please.
Miss Feather bnne-With all my heart.
No, only the butter, please"
Al from Spare Moineats'
Several accidents to coaching parties In
Scotland have lately been reported,