Fairhaven herald. [volume] (Fairhaven, Wash.) 1890-????, 1890-03-18
KUMLATELY'S KINKS.

81 see" said Mr.. Kumlately, that Joel
Chandler Harris, the Georgia humorist,
is quoted as one of the richest men in lit
erature and he made large share of his
fortune by the publication of his 'Brer
Rabbit and 'Brer Fox negro dialect
stories as told by Uncle Remus' to the
little boy. am glad that Mr.. Harris has
done this, and at the same time whenever
think about that book, feel like going
out and kicking myself down long hill
and over ploughed field for not having
edited those stories and published them
myself. My black nanny told me those
stories, over and often long before Joel
Chandler Harris was born, and forty
years ago they were as familiar among
the folk lore of the southern negros as
were Daniel Tucker and Old Zip Coon +"
"Some people think" continued Mr.. X,
shat this nose (pointing to his lurid
nasal protuberance) must have cost me
anywhere from fifty thousand to a hun
dred thousand dollars, but all my friends
know that | am not a drinking man.
That nose, however, is continually get
ting me invitations to imbibe. A man
may acquire red nose through dyspep-
STA or liver complaint, and he frequently
sees things in his fellow citizens that
make him blush sufficiently to turn red
the nose of marble bust. One time
was delivering a temperance lecture in a
Southern California town. There was a
local committee Of temperance people on
the stage and the house was packed to the
sidewalks. The lecture was free and the
Temperance people had told me that II ]
house would not hold the people next
night, when | was to lecture on another
subject for my own benefit.
(They were right. The house didn't
hold any of them the next night, SO far as
could see.
when was up to my neck on temper
ance, the first night, and was painting in
startling and eloquent language, the evils
Of intemperance, man in the back part
Of the house, referring my Illuminated
probocls, cried out, take in your sign
remarked to the committee IL IL had
engaged any one to do the frightful
example for the evening 1t had gone fur
Their than | had desired, and that hoped
II would try and induce the young man
subside.
Leaving the theatre after the lecture
had started To my hotel, and was just
about To cross the plaza when a man who
stood at the turn-stile addressed me. ii,
was Elegantly clad. and had the courtly
air of an old school gentleman, about
him, but he was sadly in his cups. Said
he, Would you. sab, (hic) be so kind as to
see mes far as the hotel?' | told him to
take my arm, which he did, and piloted
him to the front of the hotel. Then he
released himself and In the most impress
sive manner thanked me. Il am (hic)
deeply 'bliged for your courtesy he said
This is one of my landmarks, and | car
now thic) find my way home. | repeat
sab. l am deeply 'bliged. and (hic) shall
take pleasure, sab, some time ia recipro.
eating the favor. Good evening sah. and
he mositd away. The two circumstances
led me into train Of thought from which
arrived at the conclusion that temper
ance lecturing was not in my line
Whatll you take? -
-.
ssSomebody asked me yesterday II Twas
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS my name is Kun
lately, probably. | am not, however, fol
the reason that | go almost everywher,
when the notion takes me. | saw ten
derfoot from Missouri up in the Blacl
Hills once, and somebody told him befor,
he left home that he ought to take alons
weapon with which to defend himself
So Missouri took big rasp which he ha,
and Showed that down his back, leavin,
the handle sticking out at his neck. On
day he got into an alteration with ba,
man who drew navy on him. Forth
with Missouri hauled out his rasp an,
gave the bad man swipe across the face
which laid him out and made streal
across his face like the moons path OIL
the waters. Missouri then stuck his rasl
hack where he had taken il from. Whel
the bad man came 10 his senses Missouri
was about to get away but the b. m
called him back and asked him TO take
drink, saying: Il haint got nothin agii
yo. mister, but I've got a favor to AK ye
~ It's far question, what kind Of
weepin is that you pack?' -
-
"Frank Ross-know him? He's one O
the best fellows in Tacoma and he owns
dog that cost him slsO.4O laid down at hi
olIlce, but the dog hasn't laid down sine,
Ross has fancy for bric-ab rac old Chin
and porcelain, pictures on glass and a.
that sort of thing. He hadn't more tina
got acquainted with this new dog befor
the animal took to investigating thing
In the Office with much interest. ii
Jumped upon table and broke the glas
cover of bunch of wax flowers, whic
had been sent by Franks best girl, chew
ed the tassels of portierre next, wagge
his tail at a kind word and smashed 81!
vase, then seeing another, and
stray dog at that, on the street wen
through hundred dollar plate glas
in order to investigate the other dog an
then came back as a gentleman opene
the door and running between the visitor
legs threw him over ON the floor breakin
his collar-bone and watch crystal. TIL
next day Frank took the dog out hunting
got lost in tide swamp lands and rooste
In the rain all night within twenty rod
OF friends cabin, but didn't know IL o
account Of the dark. The dog on the mex
following day got into fight with tn
Globes big st. Bernard and since tina
has been impatiently lying up 70
repairs. Frank thinks something G
shooting the dog as soon as he gets we
enough 10 die easy, Ross is mighty tend
er-hcarted that way. He wouldn't hun
that dog.while it was sick for three NOR
dogs Of the same kind"