Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1890-02-20

KxrRESKLY POLITE.
He was man noted for his Chester
fieidian address, and had been very i'll.
'sYou were at deaths door, remark
ed the doctor, as his patient began to
mend.
Really, Doctorl" replied the man of
the world. ssDo--do you know whether
L-ah left my cardF-[ Bazaar.
HOPE.
First Auditor (at the tank drama)--
Never saw such miserable acting in my
hfe. Let's go.
Second Auditor-Let's wait till the
next act. There's flood scene with real /.
water in that, and maybe some of 'em
will get drowned--[N. Y. Weekly.
WILLING TO DO a FAVOR.
Ruthie and Florence, two little six
year olds, had eaten all their s'playn
luncheon except one doughnut, which
belonged to Florence Ruthie looked
longingly at it, and saids
Florence, if you'll do me favor I'll
oyou one"
''What is it, Ruthie, y asked Florence.
'"'You give me your doughnut and Ill
eat it for you.
DIsGUsTED CAT.
In some manner cat found its way
into cyclorama building several days
ago. The man in charge attempted to.
chase the trespassing feline through the
door,, but the cat evidently thought there
was better way of escaping the rising
temper of the irate man. 1t looked eau
tiously about, as if to avoid stepping on
the PROSTATE forms of heroes slain in the
battle. Finally his eyes caught sight of
a tree. A projecting limb hung very
low, and here the cat thought to find a
place of safety. 1t gave one leap; and,
no doubt, was the most disgusted cat in
Portland when it learned by sad expert
ence that the tree was ON the canvas. 1t
picked itself up and slowly skunk through
the. door, down the stairs and out of the
building Portland Oregonian.
Al PECUIIAR PREDICAMENT..
Said man to- his bosom friend who,
was about to get married 81 suppose /
ought towish you both much happiness;
but, as | don't know the bride, cannot
congratulate you. On the other hand, as
l know you only too we'll, L cannot CON
gratulate the BRIDE"
THE WAY TO BEAT HIM..
Blotterwiok:- Ponsonby lisa remarkable
pedestrian. The other day he walked
forty miles, in six hours, over an ordinary
country road.
Pompano-Psliaw that's nothing.
'tDo, You think you could outwall1
him 9''
Perhaps, not: butt know L can. out
lie. him. "-tT Times.
EASILY LoCATED.
Police Sergeant What is. the. matter
with that Youngster q
Patrolmen-He is lost, and can't; re-
member.his name.
Sergeant-Can't remember his name
Hum Take him around to the Russian
quarter. New York Weekly.
NbA nAAtHLl TU COME UE:.
'tNIrs.. HasHleigh, y said. Jones tile iin-
pecunf0us boarder, will you kindly put
up a, few OF your hoine-made biscuits for
me, as al ilneh / will not be here to
dinner to-day
81 thought Mr.. Jones, said the. land
lady sarcastically, sthat yen said my bis
euits.were too heavy for a cameIto digest 7
"Well," said Jones, ..you see I'm
going on a yacht to-day for the first time,
and want something to. eat that gam
rely upon. Times.
BRIGHT oUTL00H.
Husband (recovering from spree3A 3A-Tm
going to turn. over new leaf
Wife Maybe / won't have to turn over
my old dresses so often. Il Washington
Star.
LIFE IN THE WEST.
First Cowboy Qost on. the prainia9
Great Injuns! viii we naver find our
way out of this2 Where.do, yon s'pose
we are, anyhow2"
Second Cowboy (despondently) <I'm
afraid we're still miles away from any
human habitation. see stake here,
and sign Lots for Sale - (New York
Weekly.
AN oBEDIENH BOW.
Employer Ito new office boy If any
one calls, James, be sure and remember
that I am notin. (Half an hour later.)
Didn't you hear me CALL, you young ras-
cal q
James yes sir, but / fought yer wasn't
in.
JoHNNIE's REASON.
Little johnnie Doesn't that pipe
make you sick, dad
Brown-No, my young shaver. What
makes you ask such d foolish questions
Little Johnnie Cause it made me sick.
--1 Ennah 8a E1lfa