The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1890-06-04

one Of the First Lessons To Bs Learned Ii
Mutual Confidence.

one Of the First Lessons tn he Learned IL
Mutual Confidence.
The only possible secrets between two
married people should be those which are
4onfided to either one of them by others
While some people. who call themselves
worldly wise, will laugh at the idea of
such perfect confidence as this implies,
others still, especially the newly married,
Who have had small worldly experience,
will be shocked that l should suggest the
Keeping of any kind of secret by either
wife or husband from the other l am
not prepared to say that these last are not
the wiser of the two. Only, in that case,
when any confidence is protfered to either
hush md or wife, the recipient of itshould
make his or her position clearly under
stood, says a writer in the Domestic
Monthly. No personal secret en- ftly
belong to one only of the two people of
whom love and law have made one flesh.
The very ideal Of marriage had been re-
allied by that old judge who had knelt
Tor so manv years to say last prayer at
aight beside his wife. that when at last
she had left him his lips were dumb, and
without her he could not even open b S
heart to God.
One frequent cause of trouble in mar
sled life is a want of openness in business
matters. A husband marries pretty
Shoughtless girl, who has been used TO
eaking no more thought as to how she
should be clothed tn N the lilies of the
aeld. He begins by not liking to refuse
any of her requests. He will not hint,
90 long as he can help it, ut care in trifiing
sIpenses-he does not like TO associate
himself in her mind with disappointments
and self denials. And she, who would
Nave been willing enough, in the sweet
sagerness to please of her girlish love, to
give up any whims or fancies of her own
whatever. falls into habits of careless
extravaganza, and feels herself injured
when at last, remonstrance comes.
How much wiser would have been pc feet
spenness in the beginning
There are thousands of little courtesies
also that should not be lost sight of in
the cruel candor of marriage. The secret
Of great social success is to wound no
ones self-love. The same secret will 60
Ear toward making marriage happy.
Many a woman who would consider it an
objectionable rudeness not to listen with
an air of interest to what mere acquaint-
ance is saying, will have no least scruple
In showing her husband that his talk
wearies her. OF course the best thing is
when talk does not weary-when two
people are so unified in taste that what
ever interests the one is of equal interest
80 the Otner, out THIS cannot always Dc
the case, even in happy marriage; and
IL it not better worth while to take the
small trouble of paying courteous atten-
tion TO the one who depends on you for
his daily happiness than even to bestow
this courtesy on the acquaintances whom
Il is a transient pleasure to please?
Ideally is a good house mate. That
love lasts longer, as well as reaches
higher, which idealizes its object-yet
there is one dangerous direction which
ideality may take. If il deceive us into
abe belief that we are wedding perfection.
then the revelation of human infrmities,
which is an inevitable consequence of all
marriage, comes upon us with a shock
which is sometimes perious to content
nent. The best antidote for this rude
shock would be a little wholesome self
examination. The vainest of us can
scarcely cherish a secret belief in our own
perfection. We realize in ourselves.
when we look within, the very faults of
which we are most intolerant in others.
Above all things, let those who would
find in earthly marriage heavenly delight
and lifelong sweetness, learn that to love
which includes all good things-in-
eludes forgiyness of sins and gentleness
of Judgment.