Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1890-06-23
A last farewell-a shoemaker giving up


business.
To remove the widows weeds; say
''Wilt thou?"
A tight shoe on a deaf mute's foot
causes untold suffering.
There is no politics in morality and lit
tie morality in politics.
Smithers-Ever taste terrapin? Bron-
son-Yes. Smithers-What kind of
taste is it? Bronson-Expensive.
Census-Taker- How old are you, mad
ann" 81 count twenty-five springs" CT
And how many do you not count?
man never realizes what perfect idi-
OTIS women are until he hears his best girl
laughing at some other fellows jokes.
ROdd-HellO, old boy! going out for a
little pleasure trip, Ell? Hooker-No; I'm
going out fishing with my wife.
Mamma" said little Kate, 81 don't
mind going down to the hotel with you
but don't want to go up in the alligator
He-The outlet is cold again, darling.
Now what would you do if scolded just
a little? She-Make it hot for you, dear
est.
She (facetiously)-I suppose you call
your horse Cupid because he's such love
of horse? He-Not exactly. You see,
he's blind.
Corporal Ito raw recruit)-Why ought
soldier never to lose his head? Private
Barthel-Because he couldn't put his he'll
met on without it,
Customer-Some cheese, please? Waiter
Beg pardon, sir; very sorry, sir; cheese
out, sir. Customer That so? When do
you expect it back?
But tell me, what was there so hard
to bear in the penitentiary? Discharged
prisoner-The piano practice of the su-
perintendent's wife.
Lady How nice to have a brother as
you have, Flossie! L suppose he always
takes your part, doesn't he? Flossie-
Yes'm, when the pie is passed.
Little Fred came down to breakfast
with bad cold in his head. ''Bofe of
my eyes is leaking" he told his mother,
land one of my noses don't co.
In the state of Maine they have model
husbands, who never complain because
they have to carry home bundles and par
GELS, so long as they are original pack
ages.
A popular soprano is said to have
voice of fine timbre,a willowy figure, cher
~ lips, chestnut hair and hazel eyes. She
must have been raised in the lumber re-
gion.
First poet Il am going to get even
with the editor of the Nogood Magazine.
Second poet-How? First poet-Ive sent
him poem, and I've poisoned the muci-
lage on the return envelope.
Visitor-And what branches are you
studying at school, my little man? Hal
(whO is full of mischief) - Apple tree
mostly, but sometimes willow; according
to what the teacher has in stock.
"Now, children, who was the strongest
MANI" asked the Sunday school superin-
tendent- ''John L. Samson yelled lit
tie fellow whose knowledge of sacred and
profane history was somewhat mixed.
A preacher once said that ladies were
very timid. They were afraid to sing
when they were asked; afraid of taking
cold; afraid of snails and spiders-but
he never knew one afraid to get married.
Mr.. Phileas Fogg Gin the West)-Isup-
pose you meet with a good many hard
ships out there on the pIains?" Lariat
-Hardships? 1 should say SOL Why,
Pard, I've sometimes been obliged to chew
smokin' terbacker!
Miss Jones = Prof. Griddle, do you
dare to look me in the face and then say
1 originally sprang from monkey? Prof.
Griddle Ca little taken aback, but equal to
the occasion)-Well, really, it must have
been very charming monkey.
Said very old lady, in penitential
mood, induced by illness, Eve been a
great sinner for more than eighty years,
and didn't know it," ''De land?" exclaim-
ed the old colored woman who lived with
her. 81 knowed it all de time!''
This is about the time of year." said
Mrs. Watts to her neighbor. ''that the
fishing fever strikes my husband. If he
can get out on the banks of some creek,
and catch two or three little mud-cats 10
the course of an afternoon, he is perfect
ly happy" Indeed? So he is very fond
of fishing, theDf" Fond of fishing? Why,
that man Is perfect anglomaniac,"