Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-05-23
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Fish are not weighed in their own,
scales.
A stock Milking the cows.
Merchant TraUeLer.
Speaking of book binding, dictionaries
ought to be spell-bound.
The blacksmith ought to be able to-
give shoer tip on horses.
The polecat has only one life, but the
other eight are not missed.
Charged with electricity-The sub
scribers to the Bell telephone.
Wisps of straw by the hay scales are
bits that have fallen by the weigh side. :.
It takes q good many strikes to make
a baseball match go off well.-Sytings.
The fidelity of adversely is exemplifed
by the manner in which poverty sticks to-
the poet.
The young idea may sometimes be best
taught to shoot by putting it through a
course of sprouts.
An ''octave" dinner is the latest fash
ionable craze. The guests arrive after
everything is ate up.
Down on the Rio Grande horse thief
stole q runaway mule that nobody else,
could catch.-Sytings.
Little drops of water,
Little humps of chalk,
Take their occupation
From the bovine stock.
Merchant TrdreLer.
Some people are called weak-minded
because it takes them at least seven days.
to make up their minds.-Somerrils Jour
nal.
Ordinarily the ministers create the
Benedicts, but at the White House the
Ben-edicts create the ministers. .-HOtel
Mail
When young man proposes and is ac-
cepted he rings the girls hand. If he is,
refused he wrings his own hands,
Statesman.
Berlin is bad place to choose for an.
important conference, for it is notorious
fact that its inhabitants are always on the
Spree. .--BdltimOre american.
1no uOClOE SlbS LII OluCS
A paradox, strange to see,
For though he is patient in waiting call,
Yet, out of patients is he.
-Goodalrs Sun.
Jings-"Chops is all broke up. The
sheriff has just seized his meat market"
Jangs-"Is that so9 l saw him this
morning, and I thought he looked as if
he'd lost flesh. ."-LosceU Citizen.
A ship and baker are much alike;
Would you know the reason why?
The first you see has pilot on board,
And the last has lot of pie.
-Goodalps Sun.
Sir Rotten Rowe-'1 thought you.
didn't have bishops sitting in the Ameri-
can Senate2" Mr.. Madison Squeer-
"We don't" Sir Rotten Rowe-"Thent
who does the confrmations the papers
speak of?"-Puck.
HOW SHE DROVE THE NAIL.
She hit the nail fearful whack-
mean to say, she tried;
She bathed her thumb with arnica
And then sat down and cried
The Epoch.
She (at party)-"Did that rich.
bachelor, Captain Rudder, get his title in,
the armyq" He-'tGuess not. A few
moments ago saw him duck his head.
when the servant announced Mr.. Low
bridge. ."-Philadelphia Record.
Angling for Pie.-Mrs. Salstonstall.
(of Boston)-''Tommy, will you have a,
piece of mince pie?" Tommy Beacon
street (who is taking dinner OUT
"Yes'm, and trust that your apportion-
ment will be commensurate with my
esteem for yourself. Huntington Free.
Press.
Young Mr.. Brokaw (who believes in.
doing everything in business like wayl.
Miss Southmayd, am matrimonially
inclined. You are my choice above all
women. I desire to marry you. Is it o.
goa" Miss Southmayd (freezingly)-@
''Yes, sir There is the door, "-BurlinS--
ton Free Press.
~ think that armchair is beauty, ~
said the old man, who was in the parlor
with his daughter and her young man
sit looks almost large enough to hold
two" 30, yes, sir, spoke up the young
man, sit is plenty large enough" And
then he relapsed into a state of innocu-
GUS desuetude, while his blushes turned
the ice water on the table into bright
cochineal red. d.-Lawrence american.