The Opelousas courier., 1889-07-20
mi UNFORTUNATE WIT.
How O HOLSTERS Little Came Was Spoiled
by O Fellow from Missouri.

DY u FO1kO" EAASSOuAA
Jim Frank Bell, an Indiana village
wit, while in Chicago the other d0y,
found much amusement at the Eden
Musee. He cared nothing for the
groups of historical personages, nor
for the music, but was greatly taken
with the n%aturalness of the a figure
of a tramp that stands in the front
corridor. A humorous idea occurred
to Jim Frank Bell. II WILL" he
unused, 'shavesome fun right here. |
will play a trick that will tickle Alb
Tucker and lobe Walker an the other
fellers mighty nigh to death 99en l
git back home an tell 'em about it. |
will pass myself off for one of these
here a folks"
While no one was looking he took a
leaning position against the wall, and
stood with downcast eyes. Two young
women came in.
That's quite a natural figure" said
one of them, pointing at Bell.
A 81 don't know" the other one re-
flied. His mustache looks as if the
hairs might have been put in with a
pegI1ng-awl."
Eyes, that's 50: and in order to
make him look Ike a drunkard, they
have put too much red paint on his
nose"
They passed in. Two men came into
the corridor. "Halloa," said one,
"they have put up another bum since
we were here the other day."
Yes, and he doesn't reflect any
credit on his profession"
"a glazing caricature, at best"
"No, at worst, for there is nothing
best about him."
They passed on, and shortly after
ward there came out of the musee a
half-drunken fellow from Missouri.
He had, On account of misbehavior,
been ordered out of the housc~ and,
smarting with anger, he stopped in
the corridor. He carried a hickory
cane.
"Come shown me around like a
dog!!'' he muttered. wish / had my
crowd. I'd break up every thing in
the house. There you are docking at
Jim Frank Belly! Like to have you
down in Missoury. I'd make a skeer-
crow outen you"
He looked all around and then took
a large quid of long-green tobacco out
of his mouth.
"a crow wouldn't come in a hun
red miles NV SIGH a thing ez you air
eff he had hearn tell NV that nose.n
A devilish expression crossed his
face. He looked around again, and
then with a terrific ''spat," he drove
the quid of masticated tobacco into
Bells eye. The village wit, with a
yell, leaped high in the air, and the
Missourian, frightened at so uneS'
pected a performance, whacked Bell
over the head with his hickory stick
and quickly wheeling about took to
his heels. When a number of people,
attracted by the frightful yell, rushed
to the spot, they found Jim Frank Bell
lying on the floor. He was uncon-
scio,'a and a lump, abb ut the size of
a goose-egg, had e hered on his
head. He was takei& to a hospital,
and, after several days treatment,
was able to go home and regale Alb
Tucker and TdDe Walker with his
joke.
As the Missourian was in Chicago,
no attempt was made to detect and
arrest him. although the newspapers
spoke of the incident as San attempt
to commit murder in broad daylight
at a popular place of amusement"
The Missourian sent the following
letter to a friend:
my DEAR FEB: This here is the
blamedest town / ever saw. A man
~ain't safe here even when he amt in
danger. It takes so much hus'ling ter
git along here that even the wax fig
gers in the shows air alive. I thought
I'd have a little fun with one Nv them
an | hit him in the eye with a chaw
terbacker an dinged eff he didn't jump
ten feet high. This skeered me, / tell
you. Why, down in u country, when
a things wax, it's wax; but when a
things wax up here, you don't know
WI 4ther it is or not. Wall, sir, when
that thing jumped I didn't know whut
it mout do next, so / upsewith my stick
an give him a crack that laid him out.
have been robbed twice sense l come
here, but as | have stole Is putty good
lookin' pistol an a pair Nv saddle-bags,
I reckon | am putty nigh even."-Ar-
kansaw Traveller.