davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
HUMOROUS,

Hair may be plated and yet bo
golden.
A cat with its fur rufllod doesn't feel
fur-straight.
Song of the drygoods clerk: "Swing
ing in delaino. "
Fall fashions can never be popular
with an aeronaut.
The hotel clerks training consists
largely of inn tuition.
Harry-I always pay as | go. Larry
Yes, but You don'C go.
The men who make the most on tips
are the feather manufacturers.
There is one article the hardware
dealer always has 'on hand'-Nails.
Why is it anger fills our hoart52
Why are we like to bust
With rage? Because the watering carts
Don't lay the dust
Carl-So the duel did not come offi
Fritz-No; the principals both apollo.
gized to each other, aud shrashed their
seconds
| The soprano gently laid her head on
the basso's shoulder aud went to sleep
and was Immediately put out for nap
ping on second bass.
Bradley 'Hullo, Biggafs! Hard at
work, see. Say Biggars heard
good joke on you awhile ago. 1t was
about you and Biegars-"Ssh}
NV wife is in the back Office"
"Wcll, that's funny" remarked
Young Munkee. "What was fuany2"
.sWhy, that remafk of Miss Jolinsoh's.
Iasl<el if l might sec her home, and she
said: Certainly, on clear day. and
then she walked off with that jay, Blod-
l1ins.
Spectator Ito cndanO-" Well, /
guess the jury will find for YOU Tho
Judges charge was certainly very much
in your favor Don't you THINK soa"
Defendant (moodiI0 - "oh, | knew
all along that the judges charge would
be all right. It's the lawyers charge
that's worryin' me-
At a village school, not many miles
fropo t,.erbury, a precocious boy being
asked to parse the sentence, "Mary
milk the cow" went on accurately till
he came to the last word, when he 8aidj
"Cow is a pronoun, feminine gcndf
third person singular, and stands fol
Mary" "Stands for Nary2" asks the
master in astonishment. "Yos SIR"
responded the urchin with a grin, "fd
if the COW didn't stand for Mary, hos
could Mary milk the cowS"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
The DeatIIless Song.

Ahc Deathless song.
A singer sang hi, little song
From all the world apart;
He cared not for listening throng,
But sang because his heart
Was full Of music as birds
And oftentimes ran DER
His lips in sweet and simple words
That none had heard before.
A weary traveller passed that way,
And heard the CHEEKY strain.
1t followed him through all the day,
And fingered in his b. ain.
And some;im ON his way he sang
The song that cheered i'm so,
Till far aud wide the echoes rang
Across the valos below.
And others, listening to the song,
Caught up its glad refrain,
And scattered, as they went along,
The blitheness Of its strain.
And many learned the song of cheer.
And sang it for their own,
Till all the world grew glad to hear
The song before unknown.
All little dreamed the man who sang
This little song that day,
That he was sinying to tha world
What proves a deathless lay.
His grave is green upon the hill;
lie li9s's..,.' d'oI aaka0,Sig-
But all tie world is singing still
The song the ages own.
-Ebea q. Reetord 6e Youths Componioi
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14

MarigOld.

If ! We're a rose or a lily
Or even modest pink,
I'd SO fear to he sold"
Said the maiigold;
81 seould never slccp wink"
"Yoa're safe enough " laughe the lily;
IL d. Il she is" chimod the rose:
$50 + ST quite at our ease,
Just sleep all you p.ease,
Wen save you from passing foes"
Then pansies and pinks and roses
lnlulged in a gent'e snecze,N
And 10 keep from laughing,
w lie Lily was chatting,
Bowed low to a gentle breeze.
Then UP came the head of violet,
Down from her eyes rolled a tear,
Tho She spoke ovcrtold,
"Cheor up marigold,
Your fears are but idle, my doar,'
The morigold looked at the lily,
The pansy looked at the rose
As the Old gardener gray
Came 70 put thom away
On a basket of moss TO .cpose
1--WE arc going away sighed the lilyi
Said tho pink, "a wond + where?
ID You think it win be
The great Wiorid 70 See;
Oh, Shall we be happy thereY
Where each one went in her beauty
I'm sure coull never tell,
But our plain marigold
Although She was sold,
Charmed all IN a wedding bsll.
Mrs 1iice Webster il Free Press
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
Queen Victoria is GsfesYa sf' /

For the first time in 80 years Queen
Victoria has appeared in public without
the everlasting black bonnet which has
been her headgear ever since the Prince
Consort departed this life. During a
recent visit to the Prince of Wales at
Sandringham her Majesty so far forgot
her somewhat time-worn bereavement as
to appear in public with hat adorned
with feathers and bright colored rib,
bons. This momentous fact has been
dispatched post haste to all parts Of her
Alajcsty's dominions, and now expccta-
ton is on the qni vive as to what other
form Of dissipation will make itself ap-
parent 1t is hoped that the Queen is
at last to emerge from her conventional
retirement of thirty-odd years, since
even the greatest sticxler must conccde
that full honor has been done to the
memory of tho dead Prince.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
Ayers Sarsaparilla.

Since then hfr. LELAND has recommended
AYERS SARsAPARILLA in many similar
cases, and he has never yet heard of,its fail.
ure to effect radical cure.
Some years ago one of MIR. LELAND's fariA
laborers bruised his leg. Owing to the bad
state of his blood, an ugly scrofuIous swelling
or lump appeared on the injured limb. Hor-
rible itching of the skin, with burning and
darting paiss through the lump, made life
almost intolerable. The leg became enor-
mously enlarged, and running ulcers formed,
dseharging great quantities of extremely
offensive matter. No treatment was of any
avail until the man, by Mr.. LELAND's direc-
tion, was supplied with AYERS SARsAPA-
RILLA, which allayed the pain and irritation,
healed the sores, removed the swelling, and
completely restored the limb to use.
Mr.. LELAND has personally used
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
lie Knew Her.

Mrs. Hendricks: BERTHE, your mother
is calling you.
Bcrtie Teascr: Tes'm, know it.
But guess she don't want me very bad.
Mrs. Hendricks: She's called you
seven times already.
Berde Teaser: Yes, know; but she
hasn't Yelled ALBERT, " yet Time.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14

A memberof the board of education
of Milwaukee Wis, is trying to intro
duce shower hths into the curriculum
of the public schools of that city. lie
has high respect for clear lake water
as an educational factor. lie thinks
that a pupil 'hould be supplied with
clean cuiicle before any attempt is made
to rub up his intellect, While he would
not make the shower baths compulsory
he would try to make them popular with
The ambitious youth of Milwaukee. He
believes that they would do much to
transform That city of well-scrubbed
school chlldra into flowery field Of
intellectual pomise.
This able apostle of cleanliness draws
his conclusioa mainly from the success
ora = .ent made in washing the
pupilsof theschools in the German city
OF Goettlngen There the educational
shower bath has proved great success,
ban shng CRIME and replacing indo.cnc(
in many small and untidy bodies with ;
generous supply of vim. Consequently
he is desiroas Of inoculating the systems
of small Milwaukeeans with the potent
shower bath.
If the Chicago board of education
docs not take kindly to this Goettingcn-
milwaukee idea it will be about the
first matter Of the sort which that board
has not snapped up hungrily. Music
and gymnastics and clay modelling and
German and what not are already on
the list Why not add show or baths. =
CAtcaQ Neus.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
Economy of "Oid Hutch" :"

II isaid that the day cold Hutch"
Of Chicago made 81, COO, 600 on wheat
he entered Chicago barber shop and
asked for shave. This was few
hours before he made the 81, 600 600.
Before the barber administered the
lathor Hutch" asked what the tax
was to be. The barber replied that the
price was Is cents. Clutch" said IS
cents ras too much, but that he would
glvy TO- The barber refused to be
knocked down, SO "Hatch" went across
the street and got shaved for dime.
Thus encouraged, he went abroad in
the marketplacc and shaved wheat
uatiI be made ST. o0o, 600. lie is the
king Of financial razors. -Bostoa Globe.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
Tho n Printed in 900 Tongues

The 9tish and Foreign Bible So
cieiy reports that tho sac-ed Scriptures
were last year translated into six fresh
languages. The number Of tongues in
..s ~. ..
Bibles IS thus increased to 800. Fifty
years ago it was published in $50
tongues. The society distributed four
million two hundred and six thousand
volumes during the year. Public 0pia-
am.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
The EifeI Tower as an Obsc, yot0rv

The Elnsi WI as an Obsel vatOry.
Among the varied scientific uses n
which the magnificent E lrel Tower at
Paris my By Tut is the observation Of
The directions and force Of the great
upper an eu ais Hitherto such oh.
scrvation ha been merely infercntial.
The mOven Of the upper currents
have been FED from the movements
Of the upt luds.
But Obj pms Of upper eIouls viii
never Sd ince they always fail
Just whe st necded-during a
storms Al the upper clouds be-
ing then len by the lower The
only obsci ls worth the name will
be those n with small captive
balloons scmc mechanical de-
vice sent 0ovo the lower clouds
into strata from five to seven
thousand feet high, and registering
approximately the directions and veloci-
ties Of the uppq currents. These lofty
mrial streams at times travel more than
hundred mila an hour, and no doubt
the strain upon any anemomctrical in
sIrument iioatiag III them would be very
great. Nevertheless, French scientists
can no doubt invent an inexpensive ap-
paratus which will serve the purpose of
high level experiments conducted from
the summit Of the tower.
This unique structure, one thousand
feet high, J a been called ''thc future
observatory Of civilization" As the
Hcrald recently suggested editoriallg il
can be used for no scientific purpose Of
moro importance than to clear up the
question Of tie origin and translation o.
cyclones raised by NJ. Faye.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
WARREN LELAND,
whom everybody knows as the successfg.
manager of the
Largest Hotel Enterprises

Of America, says that while a passenger from
New York on board a ship going around Cape
Horn, in the early days Of emigration to Cal
ifornia, he learned that one of the officers Of
the vessel had cured himself, during tho voy.
sgs, of an obstinate disease by the use of
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
Ayers Sarsaparilla

after careful observation, declares that, in
his belief, there is no medicine in the world
equal TO it for the cure of Liver Disorders
Gout, the effects of high living, SaA
Rheum, Sores, Eruptions. and all the
various forms of blood diseases.
We have Mr.. LELAND's permission to invite
all who may desire further evidence in regard
to the extraordinary curative powers of
AYERs SARsAPARILLA to see him person.
ally either at bis mammoth Ocean Hotel,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14

Gracious me y said Bcuiah. whats
this9"
perhaps it belongs to one Of the
lodgers," said l.
''They don't any of 'em begin with
c." reasoned Beulah. 81 mean, their
names don't.
"It's mistake then, I" said /. s'Some
one will be sending for it directly"
But day after day overlapped one an.
other, and no one sent for the trunk.
"The truckman ought to know, = said
Beulah.
1--WE haven't got the truckman S
address,, said |.
'tNo, to-be-surc, sighed BeuIah.
~ wonder what is in it, anyway, !"
said ]. s'Do you know Beulah2 ]
almost think that one Of that bunch Of
rusty keys we found in the bassza
pantry would fit il"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
Nothing Further 10 be Said.

Algarnon; Il love you, Miss Ethel !"
Ethd: "AIl right; this is a free
country
exit Algernon.)
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
The Mysterious Trunk.
BY HELEN FORREST GRAVES.

The first night in the new house
how incifably dreary it was!
The day had dawned with blue sky
and winds full of treacherous balminess,
but long before noon it had clcuded
over, and, with the dusk, fine, needle
pricking sort of rain had set in, which,
without making much outward show,
had yet contrived to drench us girls
through and through, as we made our
way along the streets with the parrots
cage, the music box and the best duplex
lamp with the jewcled glass shade, the
three household treasures which for the
life of US we dared not trust TO the ten
der merces Of the truclzman, in spite Of
his manifold vows and declarations that
he had moved ''the very best families in
New York, and some of 'cm every May
day for tin years"
The reader must not for a moment
think that we were rich people bacau Q
we CHANGED to own these three treasures !,
on-the contrary, we were poor enough
to be blood relations to Jobs turkey OF
poyerty-striclSen memory -
Tho parrot we had possesscd-pd !,
Chicol-ever since we could remember.
He was profane parrot and an i'll
tempered parrot, and parrot with a
voracious appetite; but still he was our
Chico, and we never sought to break the
bonds Of slavery to his standard.
The music box had been given us By
an OLD aunt, who left all the rest of her
money to Home for INDECENT Widows,
and the lamp was all the rent we hal
been able 10 collect from defaulting
lodger who had occupied our best room
for year and half.
For we cked out our painfully-insuf-
fcient income, Beulah and |, by letting
lodgings, and we did not always have
luck in the business.
To speak paradoxically, the enew house
was an old house, and not in the best Of
repair. The yard gate was off its
hinges; one window blind banged dis
tractingly against the north side when
ever the wind took lurch in that di-
rection, and as Beulah endeavorod 10
warm can of cold tea above our flick
ering gas jet, we could distinctly hear
the rain leaking through on the floor
above our heads with drop-drop''
like the ticking of clock
As for me, had cut my fingers try
ing TO open box of sardines, and was
dolorously endeavoring to stanch the
blood with far from immaculate pock-
et-handkcrchiof, when the last load
came.
The truckman and his assistant were
tired and cross, and little the worse
for beer; the old horse was played out;
the rain drove harder and harder, and
the wind blew out the shadeless GAS in
the ball just as the little old assistant
dropped the basket that contained the
best orockery with a crash. And we
were glad enough when at length the
last bundle of disorganized stovepipes
was flung into the basement hail and
the truckman vanished like an ugly
dream into the mist and darkness.
1t was not until the next day that we
discovered the trunk.
There it stood up against the wall,
just exactly as if it belonged there-a
snug, square box, neatly covered with
canvas, and bearing innumerabIe hotel
labels, foreign aud domestic, pasted on
i whils shs orc .r s.sS - g. -.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-06-14
A Successful Struggle.

"C1arlie stayed pretty late last night,
didnfhe LIP asked Sister Kate the
next merning.
"Ye, ,p-~aid Lii, slcepily, 1--WE were
trying pigs in clover puzzle till
nearly pn o'clock"
"And q you get the pigs in the
pen Ii asked Kate eagerly.
,'Noi didn t; but l got my finger
in this hire diamond ring. "-Soo,sr-
oaIe Jo
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24

A can OF Ardenter mustard will please you
Your grocer has it
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24
The E8teSr gRrtt.

A daily through car service has been estab-
lished by the Chicago. Union Pacific and North.
western line between San Francisco, Portland
and Chicago via Council Bluffs, thus Offering
to the public facilities not given by any other
line. "The Limited Fast Mail" which runs
daily between the above points, carries the
Overland Fast Mail, limited number of first
class passengers without extra charge, and is
composed of Pullman vestibuled sleepers, San
Francisco to Chicago via Council Bluffs, Pull
cars, Portland to Chicago via Council Bluffs
This is another indication that the Union Pa
cifc is desirous of meeting the requirements OF
the people. For information In regard to this
Kirkland, General Agent, No. l Montgomery
street, San Francisco; E. l.. Lomax, General
Passenger Agent, Omaha. Neb. E. p. Wilson
General Passenger Agent Chicago and North.
western, or John CLARK, 81 North Spring street.
Los Angeles.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24
zoo. The Complainant alleges thai

500. The complainant alleges that
Berg came to his room at No. 1867 South
Spring street on Friday night, while the
occupant was in bed. Finding the
door locked, he opened the window and
reaching ever with his arm turned the
key and entered the room, and going
over to where Hollingsworth lay asleep,
shook him roughly. When the latter
awoke Berg, who was slightly inebri-
ated, demanded the sum of So. so which
he alleged was due from Hollingsworth,
and threatened to kill him and drink his
blood if the money was not forthcoming
inetanter. Hollingsworth, who was in
fear of his life, begged for mercy and
told Berg that he did not have the
money, when his unwelcome visitor
turned on his heel, and picking up the
had discarded on going to bed, he car
ried them off, saving, as he left the
room, that Hollingsworth could redeem
them at his leisure.
| Berg, on the other hand, claims that
Hollingsworth came to him about weeb
ago, and reminding Him that they for
merly worked together, asked for pecun
iary assistance, as he was in need o
food. Berg refused to give him any
money, but took Berg to the Opera Res
tsurant, on Main street, and told the
proprietor that he would be responsible
for anything that Hollingsworth ate
there. On Friday last Berg was calleG
upon to pay $3.50 for his friends board
and, as he had heard that Hollingswortl
had obtained work since he had las
seen him, he determined to make hin
refund the money. Accordingly, he
called upon his friend, who was in bed
and asked him for the money; wher
Hollip gsworth told him to take the sui
in lieu of the money.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24
OUR
CLOTHING
DEPARTMENT.
BOYS DEPARTMENT.
200 Boys all-wool Jersey
Suits, $3.50. Former price,
$500.
800 Boys Knee Pan s, 25c.
Boys Fine Clothing.

We are closing out a line of
Boys very fine clothing, man
ufactured by Dayton & Close,
of New York. This firm bears
a worldwide reputation as
makers of the most corsci-
entious qualities of Boys
Clothing in the market. We
are authorized to warrant every
suit, and can cheerfully recon-
mend them. We are closing
out these suits in sizes S to
ID years, in all-wool goods, at
81, $3.50, $5, $3.50 and Sc.
Our former prices were 5000,
$3.50, $500, $3.50 and $500.
A SO per cent. reduction.
$50 Boys Black or Blue
Corkscrew Suits, made up
in elegant style, at $3.50.
Former price, ST $50.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24

Children Cry for Pitchers castoria.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24
A BOARD BILL.

Clothes.
Yesterday afternoon Officer Manning
arrested William Berg upon warrant
charging him with disturbing the peace
of F. Hollingsworth. He was taken
before Police Judge Stanton for arraign.
ment, when he was served with another
warrant charging him with petit larceny.
he was ordered to appear for trial on both
charges at 10 o'clock on Monday morn
ing, until which time he was remanded
to jail in default Of bonds in the sum Of
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24

San Diego for q short visit. Mr.. s. b.
Hynes, of the Santa Fe, accompanied
the party a short distance down the
road.
Five Sunset specials passed through
the city yesterday en- their way to New
Orleans with freight OF California pro-
ducts.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24
OUR
PHILADELPHIA
HOUSE!

Has been rushed and crowded
all week. This week we will
do still better in the way Of
Bargains.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24
To Good Lfvers,


The first lambs of the season can be found
s. Maier's, No. 40 North Spring street.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24

Now is the time for bargains. II you
want Millinery cheaper than any mil.
liner can buy it, give us call.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24

Beechsm's Pills act Like magic on a veal
stomach.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1889-11-24
AN AWFUL SORE LIMB
skin entirely gone. Flesh a mass
of disease. Leg dtmin1shed One-
third tn size. Condition hope
less. Cured by the Cuticura
Remedies fM two months.
CURED BY CUTlCURA.

CURED BY CUTlOURA.
For three years was almost crippled with an
awful sore leg from my knee down to my
ankle the skin " was entirely and the flesh
pronounced it incurable. 1t had diminished
about one-third the size of he other, and was
of remedies and spending hundreds Of dollars,
from which got no relief whatever was per-
suaded to try your CUTICuRA REMEDIES and the
result was as follows: After three days no.
ticed decided change for the better, and at
the end OF two months was completely
cured: Ny flesh was purified. and the bone
(Which had been exposed for over year(got
sound. The. flesh began to grow, and today,
and for nearly two years past, my leg is as well
as ever it was. sound in every respect, and not
a sign of the disease to be seen. b. g. AHERN,
Dubois, Dodge Co., Ga.
Cutfeura Rexolvcnt.
The new Blood Purifier and purest and bes:
of Humor Remedies, inter nally, and CUTIcURA,
the great skin cure, and CUTIeURA SOAR, an ex.
cure for every disease and humor OF the skin,
scalp, and blood, with loss of hair, from
pimples to scrofuls-
Sold everywhere. Price, CureuR., Soc;
SOAP, 25c REsOLvENT, 81. Prepared BY the
POTTER DRUG AND CHEMICAL COMPANY, Bos-
ton.
E~- Send for How to Cure Skin Diseases, -
GA pages, 90 illustrations, and 100 testimonials.
skim Disease II Years.
have been troubled with skin and scalp
disease for seventeen years. My head at times
was one running sore, and my body was GOV
cred with them aslarge as half dollar. 1 tried
a great many remedies without effect until
| used the CUTICURA REMEDIES, and am thank
full to state that after two months of their use
| am entirely cured. ] feel it my duty to you and
the public to state the shove case. L. r. Nc.
DOWELL, Jamesburg, M j.
Another Marvellous Cure.
The CUTICURA, CUTICURA REsoLvENT, and
CUrIeURA SOAP have brought about a marvel
lous cure in the case of a skin disease on my
little son, eight years old. Ihav0 tried almost
| all remedies. and also the most eminent doc
| tors, all alike failing. except the wond erful
CUTIcURA REMEDIES. ED. N. BROWN, 720 N
10th street, Omaha, Neb.
Nevada County picayune., 1889-07-17

It makes us both sad and tired to see the Republican and opposition papers quote from the Arkansas Democrat, to prove that the Demo- cratic party is guilty of intimidation and fraud at the ballot-boX. Still Bro. Mitchell keeps upholding the Federal Court in its unjust findings sticks to his text like the man who asserted the horse was twenty hands hi0h.
Nevada County picayune., 1889-07-17
A New Discovery.

You have heard your friends and neighbors talking about it. You may yourself be one of the nanny who know from personal experience just how good thing it is. If you have ever tried it, you are one of it's staunch friends, because the wonder full thing about it is, that when once given trial, Dr. Kings New Dis covery ever after holds place in the house. If you have never used it and should be afflicted with q cough, cold CT any Throat, Lung or Chest trouble, secure a bottle at once and give it a fair trial It is guaranteed everytime, or money refunded. Trial bottles free at Hugh Moncriefs drug store.