The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1889-06-19

seanee held the night before. 1t was as fol-
lows;
Is the spirit of Artemas Ward present?
That depens.
On what?
On who calls. Who ar yer, any wa?
am one of the Oxford Bears.
At HON, then, every time. What's yure
will?
Win you give our assoclatiation a speech
Of welcome tomorrow?
That depens agin.
On what?
Whether my friend Lincoln will part com
pany with me for da
win you inquire?
Yea-he's close by. ut may not be gener-
ally known that President Lincoln prefaced
cipatiop proclamation by reading from Ar
temas Wards account of ''high handed
outrage at Utica)."
after shf TT pause)-Hullo! Bearl
Well.
C.Lincoln SEE nay but SEE he, yer can dix
tate speech to be red
VIII you do that?
That agin depens. Ar yu he-male or She
male? If a she male of the wmmins rites
cind can't du it. We observe the Postle
Paups writins in these parts. He don't allow
wimmin to talk in meetin, yer knoo.
All right Pm he-male.
Very well-then here goes.
Respected brethern, and you, beloved
sisterln, especially of the shemale-sect.
Welcum agin to yure nativ hith. Yu cum
not as pursenal indevidooals, but in an asso-
shiatin kapassety, mootual admirashun Sc
siaty, as it war, the beat of which can't be
found-outside of Boston. Yu do well to
cum HON agin. Yure mater demans it Fer
grace has had hard tussle with yu senee WI
left yure native hith to jine the Flllistins.
The gloriz CT Old Oxford hav oft bin sed
ana sung needn't rehurce EN- all agin in
this. presents. But havin bin in the sho
Dizziness when in the flesh, l foresee yu will
be disapinted il l don't allood to sum uf EN-.
fure own vurtoos, truth compels me to sa,
have BEGUN somewhat dim, like the silver
spoons the Rebs accoosed us of stealth when
we fit for libberty and the Union, and which
we keep shet up in our forenoon closits The
as IT war, TO save kongress from the trubble
OF legislashun. Thar was nothin mean about
our boys in blue. But | must reso0m the
thred of my diskourse.
In the professhuns, Old Oxford STAINS at
the he'd Who of the riyrind clargy better
achieved immortalitee than one Elder Hoop
er, who told his guest when feestin him on
mush and milk, if he was Christian twas
good enuff for him, if not, twas too good.
Troo, he believed in total depraYite-
that was agin him. But | reckon if he was
to read the mornin papers of our da, filled
with murders. runnin ava with other mems
wives, earthquakes, floods, and all kinds of
devllsh rantankerz, he would say as he often
did say, 1T will du TO preach total deprayi-
tie little longer"
straiter than Seth Samson, former chefe JUS
tbs OF Turner, and all round these ere parts?
Why, once We know, he completely silenced
a loryer, now judg on the bench. by tellin
him, when .axed if he'd ever been admitted
to the bar, never, yure honor, never sunk
so low as that"
Would We measure our doctors? Walk
over our hills and thru our valliz,-you can't
ride-and visit our semmeterriz, and then, as
SEES the pot,
Would We proof of skill now see?
On these mounds surcumspecte.
statesman? Visit Chace's Mills close by.
AginFto kill two birds with one stone, a
thing we Oxford fellows like to du) if you
would see the finest specimen of live stock
mall eereashun, only to look at them
Shall [ speak of journalists? Pardon me
my modesty forbids. OF authors? Agin
mOdesty Seels my lips.
Artists? See with what iligence is paint
ed on our fences and lodges the vartoos of
Saint Jacobs lie, and the wonderful healin
qualltiz of Hoods Sassyparilly. Who can
beat us at paintin, unless except the unriv-
aledgeDius who painted the pictor of the
catar man found in your city papers. Him
with the snakes crawlin all over his face.
Mechanics.I pint with pride to our Ok
man family with EN-, and that too at 'only
cents box"
Natur too has dun wunders for old Ok
ford. Would yu hav yure buzzums palpor-
tate in sympathy for those heethen, who in
torrid zone today are sling for a co0ln seph-
er to keep the body and soul from dssolving
partnership? Come up Hebrun Nights on
Streeked Mountain, in Ginnery. But fust
take out a life policy in yure M0otual I'm
Ion.
Is thar sportsman in yure company seekin
for the finest spessimen of nator's fnny
tribe? Take him to the classlck shore of
Crotch Pond. and larn him how how to haul
out the simmitrikal hornpout that delvs in
glory In it muddy bottum.
is any Seekin fur a prize in boss flesh?
Mount him on one of our raw-boned nags,
bare back. Then let yure President deposit
thistle under that are bosses tail, and say,
''gelang." Be asshured. he'll seek no further
bet yure life on that
But the best of all our produX is our stol-
vert men and bootlful wimmin. OF these,
yure assoshiashun takes the cake, so to
speak, and lltral so. DoZ emmy doubt? Rize,
then, ye noble suns of Oxford-Stand unkiv-
cred till can cum and count ye, and yu, We
fair ones, look We doun into the translucent
waters of the AnasaguntercOOk. Let them
reflect to mortal vishun the queens of buty,
but when yu du il, kiver yure cheeks with
the palms of both yure dainty hands.
Bretherin and Sisterin, I'm dun-Adoo,
adoo,-cum agin-ef yu can stan it. / can"
The applause. that followed ''waked the
ochos," and those removed from the scene
wondered what it could all be ABOUT