St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-10-02
BOWSER SLAVES HIMSELF.
Success, However, Fails to Attend us
T0nsorial Efforts.
HE CUTS GASHES IN HIS CHIN
And Will Hereafter Blow in Fifteen
: Cents Week Around the
Corner.

per week in getting shaved?" queried
Mr.. Bowser, as he entered the house
the other evening with parcel under
his arm.
81 do not"
"Well. figure it an hour and half,
to say nothing of the expense. One
also runs many risks 10y shaving in
public place.
YES"
And [ shall hereafter shave myself.
can do it in seven or eight minutes,
at a cost of less than 2 cents. and run
no risk of BARRIERS itch or having my
throat cut by some tunatic."
"Well, l hope you'll make a success
of it. but -"
There you go. Did l ever attempt
anything you didn't discourage
but you know you tried it twice and
gave it up aud threw your outfits away
in disgust"
And why? Because some one used
my razOrs to cut kindling wood"
Mr.. BOwser!'
AT least it appeared that way to me.
And | got lame arm, and we went off
on a visit, and there were several other
reasons. From this time forward L
shall shave myself. and l shall begin
after supper"
. After supper he prepared himself
with three towels and quart OF hot
water and went up stairs to begin Oper
atiOns. l crept softly up and took seat
on the landing just as Mr.. BOWser had
removed coat and vest and collar and
was mixing the lather. While he was
6Oaping his face heard him growl sew
eral times, and afterward aScertained
that it was caused by his jabbing the
brush into his eyes and mouth by mis-
take. About one-half of the lather was
deposited on his shit front before he
got through. He was Just seventeen
minutes getting ready for the razor,
and when he took it up l heard him
mutter:
1T COMES AWKWARD.
'ThiS thing handles mighty awkward.
If that fellow has gone and sold me a
left-handed razor FL prosecute him TO
the last ditch,''
He held 1t in various positions to get
1.-THE hang,7 and when he finally got it
he made a careful motion along his
right cheek. TO his great surprise and
delight he didn't cut his head of. On
the contrary, he shaved off whole
spoonful of lather, and | heard him
chuckling:
'Egad! But I'm getting there with
both feet! No barber could beat that!''
Mr.. BowSer wears mustache and is
very proud of it. At the third or fourth
scrape along his cheek one end of the
mustache got in the way OF the razor
and share of it was carried overheard
So to speak.
"By thunder" gasped Mr.. B0Wser as
he regarded the damage, and he care
fully washed all the lather off that side
10 oil hn
cation proved that the damage was not
beyond repair. and he renewed the
lather and went ahead.
In the course of the next fifteen mill
uteS Mr.. BowSeT must have removed as
many as two hairs from his face. and he
uttered fully 100 signs and gruntS. He
tried the razor in his right hand and in
his left, and in every conceivable posi-
ton, and he brushed OF the lather until
hoe would scarcely have scraped it
off.
You see," heard him saying to
himself "A fellow has to fool around
awhile to get confidence in himself.
expected it would take me half an hour
this time. but inside of a week Eli make
clean shave inside of five minutes.
There, that's good job"
AN ASTONISHING RESULT.
He wet towel and wiped the lather
off his face and took a look in the glass.
The result astonished him. So far as
he could see he had not removed one
single beard. He had scraped off the
lather, but the beard was still there.
He grOwled away for while then he
mixed fresh lot of lather and brushed
it on. and after satisfying himself that
the raZor's edge was all right by cutting
hair pulled from his head. he laid it
against his chin. He gradually turned
it up and began to scrape, and l heard
him softly saying:
Now, then, lve got the real hang of
1t. was carrying it too fiat. There's
a trick
Two things suddenly happened. He
cut the left corner of his mustache off
and gaShed his chin at the same stroke,
and the next instant he bounded out in
the hall and shouted for me.
"Well, what is it?'' | asked as | rose
up.
Look here! I'm fatally wOunded.''
he cried, as he danced around the room.
LET me see. Why. it's nothing but
slight cut. Let me wash the lather
off,
1t was lively cut. and it bled freely
for quarter of an hour, during which
time Mr.. Bowser did a great deal of
signing and grOaning, and forgot about
up the cut he returned to the glass. dis
covered that his mustache was lopsided,
and wheeled on me TO eXclaim:
'Look at it, Look at that, Mrs. Bow
ser!"
Yes. you haggled your mustache.
I'll get the shears and trim it off"
ACCUSATIONS.
Never! Keep right away from me!
Mrs. BoWser, your plot has been discnv
ered!r
don't be so foolish. Mr.. Bowser. L
told you [ didn't believe you could
shave yourself"
at is all as plain as day nowr he
continued, as he upset the lather cup
and walked through its contents; ''you
probably figured that I'd cut my throat.
You we're sitting at the head of the
stairs to catch my death rattle!"
did tell you to bring home that
razor? Didn't try to discourage you
from shaving?"
He turned from me without reply,
and l went do n stairs. He came down
after about half an hour. He had been
obliged to sacrifice third of his mus
tache to get it in proper shape again.
and the lather, which had gotten into
his eyes, gave him the appearance of
having wept for week.
Its too bad" l said, breaking q long
and embarrassing silence.
"Oh, it is, is it?'' he sneered in reply.
''TOO bad that I'm not lying headless'
corpse up stairs, and you figuring on
my life insurance."
"Well. it's no use to talk to you, Mr..
BowSer."
Not bit, Mrs. Bowser. You had a
plan. l checkmated it. You stand re-
vealed in your true light as wouid-be
POrgia or worse. This is the last straw,
Mrs. Bowser, the very last. In the
morning We will talk business"
But when morning came he didn't
have word to say. found his shay
Ing outfit in the side yard, where he
had thrown ii from the window, and
the girl is now using the razor to peel
potatoes.
An Austrian Giantess.
The most famouS child in the German