Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-11-11

Nine tailors make one man, but one
nine men.
Our compositors have named their cat
circumstances. Why? Because cir
cumstances sometimes alter cases.
new comic opera is called Zone thou
sand Ems" A lightning composition would
be handy man to set the piece on the
stage.
Mrs. Smithers-Oh. Mr.. Tipkin, you
are always so kind in comm" to see me
off, Little Tipkin--Not at all; it is al
ways pleasure.
''In what light, asked the teacher, ''did
the Emperor Nero regard the Christians
at Rome?" and the smart bad boy thought
it was torchlight.
'What did the editor offer you for your
poem? 1.-TWO dollars" THAT was an in
suit. What did yOn say to him?" "'Noth-
ing. L simply pocketed the insult"
Old Lady-My dear, do you really think
that you are tit to become ministers
wife? Eyes, indeed. l don't mind being
talked about
yes, said the literary man, with a
sigh. style is fine thing for writer to
have; but, when his wifes got it too, il
takes al the profit away"
Pubiisher-Dont you think those pa
tent medicines kill many people? Dealer
Perhaps they do but look at all the
newspapers they keep alive?
1t isn't the man with the biggest libra
ry who is the best informed. Generally
he has to yield gracefully to the man who
has only dozen books, and reads em.
writer in an Irish newspaper, after
mentioning the wreck of a vessel near
Skerries, rejoices that all the crew was
saved, except four hogsheads of molasses.
believe that pugilist would make an
excellent speaker of the House of Repre-
sentatives. Why? Because he could rap
a noisy member to order at short notice.
The only men in Chicago who know
nothing about the Cronin murder are APP
parently the men under arrest, and there
are not quite enough of them to form a
jury.
Magistrate the man whom
you saw assaulting the complainant. Po-
liceman-He was little, insignificant
looking fellow, about your size, your
worship.
Facetous Uncle I hear you are great
historical scholar, Willie. Now, can you
tell me what weapons were used in the
Wars of the Roses? Willie-Pistils, OF
course.
Emile lola received 100000 from his
pen last year. There is hog raiser in
Kansas who got twice that much from his
pen. He is beating lola on his own
ground.
''That's it % exclaimed Mrs. Bascom al
the concert,as the singers came out agar
in response to an encore. "Make 'em &c
right"
"Who was the first man, Tommy
asked the Sunday-school teacher, after
explaining that our first parents were
made from the dust of the earth. ''Henry
Clay, ma'am."
Tommy-Mamma, give me some pears
Mother-Why, Tommy, you have eater
five or six already. Tommy-Well, then
amt the ones l want. It's them in the
! basket I'm after.
81 thought you said that Mr. Wisely
ed him on what date Columbus discover
ed America, and he answered, Il dom
know" Just so. That's his answer tC
everything"
Cumso-Is it true that GaZley's wifi,
has eloped? Fangle-Yes, it is true. Does
Galley know about it? Noty yet. We have
not decided who shall break the news Il
him. Let Briggs do it. He's the very
man. He shutters, you know.
rich but ignorant man recently wrote
to an acquaintance as follows, "Will you
please find private tooter for my son as
soon as possible?" He shortly after re
ceived this answer, ''Our best corne
PLAYERS are Levy and Walter Emerson
1--WE are all worms, exclaimed the
preacher in his sermon. And little Bob
by, who was following the discourse at
tentively whispered to his mother, 'Ther
that's the reason why the great fish swal
lowed Jonah, isn't it, mother?"
There is no fruitful source of disease than
+ vitiated blood. 1t involves every organ and func
ton of the body, and if Immediately corrected