davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-03-08
THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS.

Here's the nath our feet shall press
To the land Of happiness;
There are guide posts by the way
That we may not go astray;
Spots there are where we may rest
OF King Happiness the guest,
Basking in the sunshine's glow,
While the joyous pilgrims 90
Ever on toward the gates
Where the Queen of JOY awaits
Those recruits her king shall gain
On the way 10 his domain.
Such a joyous army this!
Banners leaping for "A kiss
From the winds that sweep along.
Bearing songs that well belong
To road whose glory lies
Always under the smiling skies.
BY this road no toll-gate stands
With its overlapping hands,
Yet Of every passing soul
There Is asked a certain toll.
1t Is this-that we shall share,
AS we tread the thoroughfare,
All we have with those who lose
What they gain, or who refuse
TO accept what is bestowed
BY the master Of the road.
What a simple engineer
Marked this PATH 1t is so clear,
That to miss n Is To turn
And its cooling shadows spurn.
Any road our feet must press
Is road to happiness,
And that land is anywhere
That we turn away from care
TO the army Of king
Who is ever iourneying
To the city by whose gates.
HIS fair Queen of Joy awaits.
Meredith Nicholson, Boston Transcript
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-03-08

A Thief who had been Arrested for
Stealing an Overcoat had hardly been
Locked up when a Defauter in the
Amount of 200 was brought in.
"Ah! bat we are in Sad Luck" salu-
ted the Thief. ALLOW me to say that I
Feel for you" "Sir! | want none O.
your Sympathy" replied the Defaulter.
/ don't even want your Acquaintance"
but we are both Thieves"
"Are we7 ! beg to Differ You run
of with another mans property and
was Pursued by u Patrolman. | Dor
rowed money from the Banks funds to
Speculate in Wheat and was Unfortu-
nate enough to lose every dollar. A
Detective kindly asked me to ride over
in his carriage"
But we both Appropriated what be-
ionged to another without his Consent p"
persisted the thief.
while that is True, il makes Diff
ference whether we wanted To buy
Wheat or Whisky. Please keep your
Distance"
The Thief went up and the Defaul-
ter's friends settled the case by Refun-
ding forty cents on the dollar. Detroit
Free Press.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-03-08

All being satisfactorily arranged, the
mayor said: ~ now desir, briefly 10
pronounce you man and wife, and
what have joined together as mayor
of New York il will bother plain citi
zen to put asunder. ] cannot refrain
at this time from making few re-
marks which have thought up while
standing here 1t is these; The duties
of duke and those of duchess are
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-03-08
The Frog and tho Lamb.

A Lamb Who lay down beside
Pond for Rest and Sleep, found il inn
possible to close his Eyes on account
of the Croaking OF Frog. Out OF
Patience at last with the Interruption,
he sprang up and demanded:
'ln Heavens name, why do you keep
that Noise going?"
Its the only Noise can make, was
the Humble Reply.
YES. But why do you make it at
all?n
If kept Quiet, Who Would know
that / was on earthp"
MORAL:
Men OF Blab are excused on the same
grounds.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-03-08
Mr.. AND MRS. MARLBOROUGH
BILL NYE AND THE EMINENT BUT
IMMORTAL DUKE.
How the Much Advertised Englishmar
Maried-The Sad Awakening Of the
American Duchess-Swapping q
Broken Heart for Ducal Cor
onet-Sad Thoughts and
q Still Ssdder Poem.

AM panied to re-
ceive later intel
Ii ence from
dear old Blen-
i'm W h | C h
leaves m @ n o
chance to doubt
t h at q cloud
about the size Of
a joint school
district has OBJ
secured [ h G
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-03-08

Eight years have passed away; 10 the
commercial world 1t brought the panic
OF 1867. Dismay was painted upon ev-
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
Runaway Matches.

just how far parents influence
should extend over the matrimonial al
liances of their children is matter OF
opinion, writes Texas lady TO the Gal
weston News, but when we see some Of
the matches which our lax customs on
this subject permit, we might be excused
If we favored quite an extension OF par
entail authority. That IA young person
of either sex is qualified at sixteen
years of age TO decide so monentous u
question would be unanimously denied
if it were not so customary to allow
girls at that age TO contract obligations
which involve their whole future. The
idea that they should assume these obli-
cations contrary to the wishes Of their
parents is, indeed, monstrous.
1t seems, no doubt, grand frolic
sometimes TO outwit the old folks, TO
marry without their consent. but the
frolic generally proves to be very seri-
Gus, solemn business, and in a few
years time there is nothing SO sweet as
the care and help which these same old
folks are called upon to bestow.
There is no love so unseliish as that
OF a parent, and n girl may well be
cautious about trusting her future
to a man who would persuade
her to grieve and disappoint their
faithful hearts. On the other hand.
it is safe to assert that an
undutiful, ungrateful daughter is not
likely 20 make the most loving, patient,
and sclf-5acrifcing Of wives and
mothers.
Besides these considerations, con-
scious worth should inspire a young
man with certain self-respect which
would demand q welcome from the
parents of the woman he would make
his wife. There are unreasonable, eX-
acting parents, just as there are foolish,
giddy young people, but their age, eX-
perience and the tender love they bear
their children cntitle their wishes to
consideration from even the most in
fatuated couple.
We would hear OF very few runaway
matches if the proper sympathy and
confidence were maintained between
girls and their mothers. The light
fancy, the pleasant attraction which Il
girl feels toward any nice, agreeable
gentleman, should be recognized and
respected by the mother. She, too,
has been along that enchanted path
way. That feeling, however, should
not be mistaken for the love founded
on esteem, which alone can weather
the gales of married life without
making shipwrecks of all our dearest
homes
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
Munchausen OutdOne.

A Harrisburg prevaricator has evolv-
ed from his brain story that rivals
Munchausen's greatest effort, say sthe
Chicago Inter-Occan. He says that q
couple of cells, which had long eluded
the seductive arts of all other anglers,
were caught in Stony crock the other
day by farmer named jeremiah
Hogentogler. One eel was within tive
inches of four feet in length, and the
other was trife over three feet. He
skinned his prizes at once, and, to pre-
vent the hides from shrinking, stuffed
each with green walnuts and tufts of
dried grass. When Mr.. Hogentogler
had finished his days work in the
woods, he drove his mule home with q
well-loadcd wagon. About twenty
yards from his barn, just as darkness
had begun TO settle in the valley, the
wagon stuck in a mud hole. Mr.. Ho-
gentogler whipped his mule vigorously.
The animal strained and tugged in an
effort to move the wagon, and, TO make
the situation still more eXasperating,
both of the traces broke. In this
emergency Mr.. Hogentogler bethought
him of the eel skins. They we're tough,
and he substituted them for the traces.
When they had been emptied OF their
contents, fastened to the single-tree,
and tied across the breast OF the mule,
the whip was put TO the animal again,
and he moved without difficulty. He
had gone but a few PAGES. however.
before Mr.. Hogentogler discovered that
the wagon was standing still. The skins
were not yet dry, and were stretching.
N-len the mule reached the barn, tho
wagon still remained in the mud hole,
and it was quite dark. Hogentogler
slipped the end of the traces over a
post and went to bed. In the morning
his load of wood stood in his own yard,
the eel skins having shrunk enough to
draw it there.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
NOTES ON WINE.
Dry Champagne Should Not Re
ICed-HoW to Serve Claret.

Dry Champagne Should Not Re
ICed-HoW to Serve Claret.
Among Mr. Webbers miscellaneous re-
marks, says the London Saturday Review,
he inveighs, as do most authorities nova
days, against the once universal practice OF
icing champagne. This condemnation,
though just in the main, ought TO be made
with a distinguo. To ice dry champagne,
such as has long been fashionable, is bar
barous enough; but it is by no means so
certain that to ice sweet champagne is such
an i'll thing. On the contrary the ICING
takes off the sweetness TO a certain extent
and reveals instead of obscuring the flavor
DRY champagne cool; sweet champagne
cold" is perhaps the best rule.
On another point-the possibility OF wine
being affected by the bottle there is a long
quotation from NJ. Peligot which is worth
reading Everybody recognizes "corkcd"
wine but It seems not at all improbable
that "bottlcd" wine may bear double sense
likewise. Certainly there is no known
product which differs so extraordinarily
from itself as wine, nor any which is so
sensitive 10 reagents OF all sorts. Mr.. Web
ber's method of serving out clarct-not de-
canting the wine at all, but letting 1t stay
forty eight hours upright in an even tenn
glasses in a row, and filling them all without
raising the bottle from the horizontal 10 the
upright staie-is, no doubt, excellent, if YOU
have sufficient number Of compotators.
But il is rather clumsy IN appearance, and
necessitatcs the sacrifice OF that pushing
about the BOTTLE which is a cheerful and
agreeable ceremony. Besides, a good Jug
full of good claret is very pretty thing,
yet we fully grant that no method of pre-
venting the admiXture of sediment with any
large quantity of wine can be hit upon so
certain as this Of, so 10 speak, decanting it
straight into glasses. And we further agree
with MIR. Wcbbcr that THE finer the wine
the more acrd the Deposit 1t is quite sur
prisiug 10 any one who tries il for the first
time how positively nasty the dregs of a
good bolt G of clarCt are, while the drcgs of
port, though unpeasng to the eye, and dis.
agreeable from the mixture Of solid and
liquid often suffer little in flavor. We feel
considerably more doubt about Mr.. Web
ber's statement that pure wine, if dropped
on the tablecoth, will not stain it in the
least" If it be so, we can only say that
there must be uncommonly little pure wine
in the world.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
Ihe Last of the Moherans.

The death OF Samson Brushnell is report
ed in New London Conn, from the Lantern
Hill country. Brushnell was the last known
descendant in a direct line of Uncas, the
chief Of the Mohegan Indians, who occupied
that country when il was first settled by the
whites. His body will be inferred in the
royal cemetery Of these Indians upon the
Mohegan reservation, which lies on the
western bank of the Warner river, about
seven miles from New London. In that
reservation the remnants of the Mohegdns
have found home for over 200 years, ever
since the brave, far-seeng lucas obtained
it for them as recompcnse for his services
10 the whites of Connecticut in leading their
soldiery 10 the massacre Of the Pequots in
GrUtOn in 1857. Brushnell was about 80
years old, deformed and dissipated man;
but as lac was the only Mohegan Indian Of
royal blood, as well as Of pure blood, living
in Connecticut, he was regarded with inter
est. For years he had been feature at the
county fairs, where he exhibited some re-
markable abilities of his ancestry by whist
ling two tunes at one time, and by feats Of
GeXterity such as knocking coins out of
split sticks with arrows from a long dis
lance. He was especially dexterous in plat
ing reeds, and had Travelled in every town Of
Importance TO sell his work.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
President Cleveland's Domosticity.

1t is probable that President Cleveland
has never crossed the threshold of more
than two Washington homes outside the
cabinet circle. In other words, he has not
seen the interior of ten residences in Wash
ington He has never seen congress at
work. and am assured that in four years
he has not once entered department build
ing. The treasury, state, navy, war, and
attorney generals departments are all with
in a stones throw of the white house. but
Mr.. Cleveland never opened their doors.
Mr.. Cleveland never walked upon Pennsyl-
vania avenue as Grant was in the habit of
doing, and surely he never took drink
across Washington bar as Buchanan did
more than once He rarely goes TO the
theater, not caring much for the plays.
Probably there has now and then been an
entire week he has not once put on his hat
and gone out of doors. All he knows about
Washington and ITS ways he has heard
Washington Letter TO Boston Globe.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

coal. Thus a steamer can take either two
or three times less fuel and utilize the
bunker space for cargo purposes, or II can
go two or three times as far without stop
ping TO coal But there is an additional
economy even beyond this. A ton of oil
refuse takes up very little more than half
the space OF ton of coal. IN this manner,
in the more economical liquid fuel furnaces,
1000 tons Of oil refuse not only goes as far
as 1900 tons of coal, but takes up only the
bunker space of 500 or 900 tons of coal, and
allows the balance of !, 800 tons TO be applied
10 passenger or cargo purposes IhO
development of the petrolem industry al
BalSu is thus calculated to solve most i'm
portant questions of sea and rail transport,
and to react favorably on the working Of tho
Burmah and other deposits now in the
course Of exploration.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
Tools and Machines.

is common complaint among me-
chsnics that their tools do not serve
them as we'll some days as others.
A correspondent of the Iron Industry
Gazette says: Tools, like men, grow
tired. | have seen "a frst-class chisel
get tired and act as though it was pos
sessed of the king of sheol. 1t would
not keep its edge, and the more l
sharpened it the sooner it would lose
its edge.
/ called the attention of n shop-mate,
a grizzled old veteran, TO the curious
behavior Of the chisel. He looked it
over and handed il back 20 me saying:
1.-The teol is all right, only a little tired.
Lay it away and let it rest. 1t will
come out all right again, just like u
man who is tired.n / did not believe
the old fellow, and really thought he
was crazy TO talk of a tool getting
tired" but as there was no help for
it, the tool was laid away. | do not
remember how long it was left TO rest,
but when il was again sharpened and
used it appeared To hold its keenest
edge as we'll as it did before it got
tired. BARRIERS tell me their razors in
constant use get tired in the same way,
and wood-choppers say their axes
sometimes seem to get soft all at once.
Possibly constant and hard usage may
cause changes in disqualification that
would account satisfactorily for the
popularity alluded to. Locomotive
engineers often observe peculiar mis-
behavior in their machines, which may
possibly be the result of continued
heating, friction and pounding. When
a tool gets ''tired" or machine
"balky," give each q rest.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
He Explained 1t.

Children never believe that father
can by any possibility be wrong, and
often construct the most ingenious ex-
cuses for him:
Freddy is little one Of only seven
years growth, the son of q minister,
who, with his wife, had arrived at a
new field of labor. Hearing his moth
err say TO his father that she had been
deceived by his saying that the house
was a three-story building, when, in
fact, it was only two, he said:
MA
"Well, Freddyp"
"Pa is right"
"How is that, Freddyp"
"The kitchen is one"
Eyes"
"This floor is two, and that story
that pa told is three. Yankee Blade.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
The Agnostic's Greed.

From whence come or whittier so,
My creed is this, do not know;
Into this creed all others flow.
am Pickering spark Of mind,
Vast darkness is before, behind
Darkness TO me, for | am blind.
10, in a blade Of grass there dwell
Dread mysteries ! cannot spell,
Higher than heaven, deeper than hell.
Things were and are and al c to be;
peer not into mystery,
And cry, made bold through fear, 81 seel''
Things were and arc, and 90 their way,
Whether they govern or obey;
With them 20 and cannot stray.
81 do not know" all thought sublime,
All prcphesies Of former time,
But hide this pearl in seas of slime.
And l, who neither fear nor trust,
Holding this creed because | must
Shall not be Knocked, alive or dust.
George Horton, Chicago Herald.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

few small garnets and rubies. A very
fine patch of asbestos was also discov-
cred. In one of the rocky defiles n
rich vein of copper and another of gold
bearing quartz was unearthed. These,
! am afraid, will never be workable.
The ever recurring avalanches being Il
dangerous drawback. Two immense
land-slides came down the mountain
sides while we were working by the
falls, and the noise and shaking Of the
earth did not make us feel very COM
Portable.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
AXwOrthy.

Axworthy, the Cleveland defaulter, attri-
butcs his downfall to politics. "Why, three
elections" he said, ''cost me many thousands
of dollars each time, and | was led to make
large contributions to aid in the election of
other candidates My livery bills on cleo
ton and registration days were enormous,
as had the bulk Of the expense 70 pay for
the whole ticket. This was especially true
of the last time [ ran. If l had my life to
live over again / would not touch politics.
/ was well-to-do before l entered politics.
/ lent money to other politicians, and it has
not been repaid" This is not a solitary ex-
perience, but it goes 10 show what moneyed
politics will do. Axworthy, before his
troubles, was the most popular man in Cleve-
land, and was considered solid financially.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
A Irving Experience.

"What is the worst experience you ever
underwent, colonelP'
"The worst! Well, it occurred years ago,
when was young man. / was a sailor
then, and the vessel on which / was work
ing was wrecked. A barrel half full of
whisky was floating about and l chung TO it,
drifting in the icy water for day and a
night"
"That was horrible"
"Horriblel No name for il. l couldn't
keep the darned barrel in one position long
enough TO open il. "-Lincoln journal.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
There is a world-touching pathos in

There is woodworking pathos in
the Geographic dispatch stating that
Mrs. Cleveland watched from a win
dow the departure from the white
house for the capitol of her husband
and the president-elect. Who can
fathom the thoughts and regrets that
filled her mind and heart at that mo-
mentP Coming to the white house
radiant with youth, beauty and bridal
robes, she endeared herself to the
American people by numberless graces,
womanly tact and unassuming lowell
ness. She was truly queen crowned
with the admiration and regard of a
free people. Few women OF her age
and experience could be taken from
the seclusion of the seminary into the
glare of public life, to become the first
lady of the land, and successfully gain
and hold to the end the respect and
love of all classes. In retiring to pri-
vate life she will carry with her the
well wishes of friends and partisans
alike,
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
The Cornse Resented a Joke.

A coterie of doctors were conducting
a post mortem on a man who had been
shot. For over an hour they sought
the bullet in vain.
Another case of led astray," re-
marked one at last. And the corpse
awol1e with a shudder and fled in dis
may.-San Francisco Examiner.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
millions in IT,

A woman in Franklin, Pa, says she died
and went TO heaven. She describes her visit
in glowing words and says she is sorry she
came TO life again. There is a fortune awact
ing that woman IL she goes on the lecture
platform and gives "An Evening with the
Angels. "--Baltimore American.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

The prospects of a large display of
American products, manufactures and
fine arts at the coming Paris eXposi-
ton are most promising. According
to latest advices the one hundred
thousand square feet of space set apart
for the exhibits of the United States
are nearly all taken up. Not the least
of the display will be the showing of
the progress made in electrical appli
ances during the past ten years. At
the Vienna exposition of 1873 America
surprised all Europe with her exhibit
of machinery and mechanical inven-
tions. 1t is safe to predict that at the
exposition of 1889 the fame of our
country will be fully sustained for its
great advance over the rest of the
world by wonderful display of cleo
trical appliances. 1t will be a treat
TO the people of Europe and it will
send thrill of pride through every
American at Paris to witness the pro-
ducts of the inventive genius OF his
country.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28
Frightfully Deep.

Some years ago, when l was in Washing.
ton. the wife of distinguished politician,
and herself no SLOUGH in letters and
diplomacy, and TO me with charming fresh
ness: ut is positively unpleasant for me "a
mix in society, because i see so frightfully
deep into people New York Press.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

Railway superintendent TO car inspector
--"Any of the cars out of orderl" Eyes;
No. 412 is unfit for service "Well, use IL
only for excursions after this.-Lincoln
Journal.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

AS General Harrison was riding
down Pennsylvania avenue he espied
among other inaugural decorations a
banner bearing an uncomplimentary
allusion to the outgoing president.
He sent a polite request to the owner
of the bsnnor asking its removs'. Tue
request was granted.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

The women of Denmark have sent q
petition TO the president of the rikadig,
signed by 10000 OF their number, de-
manding universal suffrage. Fourteen
thousand Of the signatures are those of
married women. a "social and politi-
cal' school for women has recently
been opened at Copenhagen, where
contemporary history, constitutional
and moral law and physiology are
taught.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

Three Presidents, Grant, Hayes and
Harrison were members OF the Mill.
tary Order of the Loyal Legion. Gar
field and Arthur were active members,
and three members of General Harri-
sons cabinet-Noble, Tracy and Rusk
also belong. The society was organ
lied while johnson was president, and
all the presidents since that time, ex-
cept Cleveland, have been Loyal Lee
ion men. 1t is all the more singular,
as political discussion is strictly pro-
hibited at the meetings OF the order.
General Hancock was at the head of
the order at the timeof his death, proof
sufficient that it is not partisan.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-03-28

Bishop Foley of the Detroit diocese
signed the petition asking that greater
authority be conferred on women in
he administration of school affairs, and
when asked for his reasons, said II
did so because school affairs properly
have no connection with politics and
should be taken entirely out of the
hands of the politicians. The partici-
patton of women in the management
OF public schools would be a benefit.
believe in the public school system
and in its maintenance on non-sec-
tartan basis. 7 most decidedly, how
ever, do not believe in giving women
the general right of suffrage. Women
have no place in politics. They should
stay at home and take care Of their
children"