Nevada County picayune., 1889-06-12
The Lime Kiln Club.

The Lime Kiln Club.
 The honorable didn't waste much time in getting down to business. He investigated the contents of the pitcher of buttermilIl placed before him with sigh of satisfaction, wiped off his mouth from north to south and back again, and in voice reso- nant of cow-bells and liberty, he said:
 My frens, what is health? l doan' 'spose one single pusson in dis hall has eber giben de least thought to dat queshun. Dar' ar two sorts of health-good an bad. Agitation. Some of us hev one sort an some de odder. As q rule, man ar bon in good health. Natur' starts him out all right, an if anything happens to gin him de billyous oolick it's his own fault. Suppressed groans. Oar ar sartin laws to govern society, sich as not stealth anybody's chick ens--keepin' away from odder peo- ple's wood-piles-gwine right by a smoked ham which de butcher has keerlessly left hangin' out doahs ober night. Sensation on the back seats. If you obey dose laws you needn't be skeert an jump under de bed when q policeman knocks on de doah. If you doan' obey 'em you must suffer de quensekenses.
 My frens," continued the orator alter looking into the pitcher again, "dar' am sartin laws regardin' health. Dey is Natur's laws. She holds us jist as accountable as de police. Fur instance, if Pickles Smith invites Samuel Shinober to his house to dinner what does Samuel do? He doan' eat muffin fur two days befo' hand, and when he sots down to dat table, groanin' wid all luxuries which wealth kin purchase, he cakcrlates on filling right up to de hrim He eats till dey hev to draw him away from de table. He has transgressed a law of natur' |. Natur' says we mus not obercrowd our stomachs. Agitation. Along about midnight Samuel is tooken wid awful pains, an three doctors hev hard work to save his life. Faint cheers.
 "Natur' says we need bout eight hours sleep. Giveadam Jones goes ober to see Elder Toots, an dey sot an play checkers till , O clock in de mawnin'. Mex day boaf am limpin' around an growln' bout de weather an cussin' de rich. Agitation. Dey transgressed law of natur' an ar now payin' de penalty; but in deir ignerence dey lay it to anythin' else. Shindig Watkins hires out fur a private watchman at a saw-mill. Seven o'clock comes an he lays his self away on pile of lumber an sleeps till half-past de nex' mornin. Den he gifts up an growls about dis bein' q billyus kentry, an labor bein' crushed hy capital, an goes home to tell de ole woman dat liberty am a sham an delusion. He trans gress law of natur'-slept too long. TGasps of astonishment.
 My dear frens,' continued the orator as he gulpcd down the last of buttermilk, "dar' am sartin pussons who regard de human stomach as a sort O carpet-bag furnished free gratis by natur'. In de cos of 3 day dey will throw in whisky, beer, ginger ale, soda water, coffee, ice water, meat, 'taters, sugar, vinegar apples berries, vegetables an whateber else comes handy, De stomach kicks, or Qrter an de owner is greatly surprised about it. fCheors. 1t is only de las five vars dat de cull'e people of dis ken try hev come to realize dat dey had noes an lungs. Sensation. Col Huckleberry Jackson used to wonder why de smell of burnin' feathers choked him up, but he sot it down as q monopoly of some sort. He le his tree dogs sleep under his bed an went around guessin' dat rat had died under de house. Laughter. - Detroit Free Press.