Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

woman "Mrs." The
English writers did 1t as Mistress Margery"
in the old plays, etc.
"Florence Faille' writes: 81 would like TO
be informed If upon receiving cards, one which
says, Mrs. John Smith, at home December 70
from 4 to T. another inclosed saying, Mrs.
John Smith, TUESDAYS in January If it is
necessary after attending reception to also call
upon one of the Tuesdays in January. Also,
in sending cards to mother and daugnter
must there be card addressed to each one
separately. or can it be Mrs. Smith and family
or Mrs Smith and daughters"
Address your card "Mrs. Smith, the Misses
Smith" and send on her day. 1t is not inoum-
bent on you to call on Tuesdays after the re-
ception; they are merely added on to the invi-
tatiOn to give those an opporiuni OF calling
who could not get to the reception. -,
Violet" asks "if it is proper to use tea
gown in the evening"" No; it is not. In En-
gland ladies sometimes wear very smart tea
gown when dining alone with their husbands,
but they would not wear one to receive evening
company.
A reader asks "tho latest thing in evening
dress" This is an almost impossible question
to answer, Young ladies wear light materials,
with no sleeves and neck cut V shape. Mar
ried ladies wear brocades and satins, with per-
haps some drapery about the neck and arms,
but the stylesare endless to a fashionable dress
maker.
MRS c." would like to know whether q
widow should continue to use her husbands
initials or her own Christian name. This Is
mooted point in our country. Ii she has son
who hears his fathers name she should use her
own Christian name to distinguish herself from
her sons wife, In England she would be
"Dowager Lady Ety." or "Mrs. Margaret Ely"
People differ in their opinion on this point. II
wonld be impossible to decide it.
BOYS FULL DRESS.
fNovice" asks: WHAT is full dress for boy
of 1872" A round Jacket and collar and high
hat at Eton, Prince Albert frock coat and
derby hat in America. 1t should depend on
his size and looks. Keep to the round jacket
and collar as long as you can; 1t Is SO very
pretty.
"Inquirer" asks: what is the custom or
etiquette when an expectant bride receives
many presents? The wedding has been several
poned. Snail the presents be returned to the
donorsf' Yes; ii an engagement is broken the
wedding presents are all returned.
'Ignoramus" asks If a full dress suit is proper
for New Years day or afternoon calls.
Never, in this country. In Paris it would be
proper for New Years calls.
A READER-No one saws "Yes, ma'am, no,
ma'am" any longer except to the Queen OF
England. Every one answers her with that
old fashioned formula.
Say simply yes OF no. You can make 1t re.
spectful by the infection of your voice.
Elmo asks if, after her marriage-her we'd
ding having been strictly private-it would be
proper to send cards to young gentlemen whom
she has known before her marriage.
Of course, if she desires to continue the ac-
quainiance.
The question is also asked when should new
corners in Washington call on the official la
dies. 1t is etiquette in Washington for the
newcomer to call first, or it is proper to call on
the days noticed in the newspapers.
Q. W. d. asks: IF lady presides at public
meeting how should she be addressed, ETC.,
..Mrs. President" OF Miss Chairmau?'
Neither; she should be addressed by her
name.
VIDETTE.-Lead your cards.
"Mrs. Mackenzie writes: "How shall my
guests go into dinner; do go irst?'
No; the host goes first with the lady to whom
the dinner is given. The hostess always last,
with the principal gentleman guest. All the
guests should have their places marked by
card. and in the hall Or anteroom each gentle
man should find the card indicating which lady
he is TO take to dinner.
AS TO DINNERS.
Mrs. Mackenzie" also asks: SHOW long
should dinner be?''
1t is not kind to keep guests over two hours
at dinner. Tne French dinner rarely lasts more
than one hour. 1t is better to rise after the
dessert an6 serve coffee in the drawing room,
In some houses smoking is allowed in the
dining room, in others smoking room is apart
from the rest of the house. The practice Of
the ladies retiring first IS an English one-the
is. however. the custom in the best houses Of
New York and Boston and Washington and it
is question if the ladies do not like it as well
as the gentlemen. They enjoy little chat by
themselves.
So many questions refer to the same subject
that we may as well group them. At least half
the questions refer to the great topic: How
shall we get into society?' 1t is curious
phase of the present. condition of American
etiquette that certain peUple seem to imagine
that society is a room with door, which is
closed with Chubb lock, and If they can only
get the combinations of that lock they can get
into society. 1t is more like a fort defended
with great guns One needs tact, good manners
and often much assistance to get into society.
Still, as fortress is no stronger than its weak.
est point, so there are many weak points IN 9.
society where skillful strategist can strike q .
blow. Those get in who often might better
have been kept out. We are on sliding scale
in America. No one knows with thorough
exactitude where he stands. Socially, where
he is to-day he may not be tomorrow. The
social aspect of New York changes every ten
years. If person have a sumption, arrogance,
pretense. he may assume to be great person,
and may by his manner hurt the feelings Of
some modest person. We call such . person q
''snob," and he deserves the odlous name, yet
he may be a social expert and prove very
great hindrance to any modest PERSONS en-.
trance in society," -
HOW TO TELL A LADY. &c..
The lady who is fully satisfied as to her birth
and breeding, who has had respectable ances-
tors and who has always lived in the best so.
ciety, is never afraid to bow first, to call first,
and to treat everyone with kindness. She knows
that courtesy is the most beautiful of virtues,
that politeness is one of the most Christian Of
graces. She never insults anybody. But her
next door neighbor. who may, although rich,
have very poor blood in her veins, and who may
not be at all sure in her own mind that she de-
serves to he in society-she will affect to not
know those whom she had once known; she
1I,. se =
cult for the modest newcomer to succeed;she is
a vulgar snob, no matter where she happens to
stand in the ranks of fashion.
ITO get on in society,"" involves much that
aannot be written down, that it is impossible to
formulate in rules. 1t is quite safe to say, how
ever much you may wish to succeed. do not
push, 10 not do anything which betrays lack
of self-respect Do your part toward getting
well introduced, and then do all you can toward
the pleasures of your set and leave the rest to
fate. Some people are always laughed at. Some
are wrongfuly put down. Some are mysteri-
Dusly successful. No one can tell why, but GER
tam it is that no one loses anything by mod
Pst, serene courtesy, civility which never
flags and good temper. willingness to put
the best construction and Interpretation upon
the attitude of society. For many OF the So
called 'slIghts which patient merit or the un-
worthy takes comes from an overcrowded So
cial life. A popular person. social leader, coon
becomes a person of many engagements, and
with much more to do than she can do prop.
srly We would say TO the nsophyte in society,
forgive such a person long time Ior any
incivility; remember that she cannot
always have time to attend to you. Nor is she
always able to remember new face. Therefore
be not AFRAID to impress yourself ON such per-;
son bv your excellent manners, your readiness
% forgive, and by acts of civility that are so
offered that they cannot De called.
pushing.
These acts will never be mistaken for snob-
berry if neither of you are snobs.
The same gentlemen. with a proper modesty,;
assume that it is not their place TO bow to q
ady unless they have been introduced and un-
ess she has bowed to them, but here they are
wrong. The mistake may arise from too great
respect, but it IS a mistake; lady is never
offended if gentleman raises his hat to her.
She is offended. and properly so, If she Is re-
.elving at any public place-we will say the
W hite House-aDd he passes her without bow
ing. which he ought to do. 1t has the sanction
Of Sir Walter Raleigh.