Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-08-28

" hiio \iahhiy = l. GO III idthS
done it.-Ex.
AS it were, fire light-"In whs
light" asked the teacher, "did tn
Emperor Nero regard the Christian
at Rome ?" And the smart bad bo
thought it was torchlight.-Burdett,
A terrible burden. Clara-Wha
a terrible noise that wagon makes ?"
George-Yes, it's dreadful, isn't il
What makes it groan so, George
Why, it is filled with green apples
-Ex.
He Con the piazza at ht)-Ther
is cool wave coming.
She (anxiously)-Oh, dear | hop
it won't come between us. And h
drew nearer so it couldn't.-Chicag
Globe.
something new In bric-a-brac.-
Ethel-Oh, l saw such a sweet mattel
safe this afternoon.
George-What shape was it in
1t was in the shape of marriag,
certifcate.-Time.
A tell tale sign. Ted-Why arr
you so sure Miss Lonely hasn't (
beau?
Ned-I called on her the othel
evening, and there wasn't an arm chair
in the parlor.
Slightly personal. Magistrate-De
scribe the man whom you saw assault
ing complainant.
Policeman-He was little insig
nifcant looking crature, about your
size, your honor.-Grip.
"And want to say, TO my hus-
band in an appropriate place." said
the widow in conclusion to Slab, the
gravestone man. "Yessum," said
Slab. And the inscription went on
"To my husband, in an appropriate
place. Chicago Liar.
Would be purchaser-These cigars
are much smaller than usual.
Tobacconist-Yes; you see, the ci-
gar manufacturer noticed that the last
two inches of the cigar are always
thrown away, so he makes them now
that much shorter.-Ex.
Reason dethroned. Judge--Did
you ever notice any signs Of insanity
in the deceased?
Witness a member Of the Legisla-
ture We'll, once, when he was
of the Legislature, he intro
duced bill that wasn't particle of
interest to anybody--except taxpay-
ers.-Ex.
Pathological. Nolan (fresh from
the old od)-Oi wonder phwat makes
thin Dootchmen spake such quare
lingo, Teddy. Sure Oh can't under
stand thin at all, at all.
Dolan-Faix, it must be the beer,
Barney. Oh can't even understand
neself very well after drinking cou.
pie av cans.-Puck.
Seasonable. Wife-Can you give
ne some money, John, dear?
Husband-What do you want il
or?
Wife, want to buy new switch
1t the hair store.
Husband-I see, you want me to
make contribution to the fresh hair
und.- Boston Courier.
Johnny's uncle-Now, Johnny, you
know that cannibals are people who
i've off each other.
Johnny-You're a cannbal, aint
,ou, uncle?
Uncle-Why, no, Johnny, why do
'ou ask
Johnny-Well, pa said to me last
tight, that you'd been living off your
citations for years.-Life.
"Its hard to be left here alone"
aid Simpson, whose wife had gone
way for the summer, Every hard"
"Seems kind of lonesome, does il ?'
"Yes, intensely lonesome. Every
hing around me seems to wear an air
melancholy"
"Yes, notice it.. Even that bottle
N the mantle piece seems low.spirit.
ID. d."-Arkansaw Traveller.
Clara Ito bashful suitor]-Charlie,
understand that you are thoroughly
onversant with your business.
Charlie-Well, yes as manuiac-
urer of non-alcoholic drinks ! don't
axe a back seat for any one,
Clara-I'm awfully interested in
hat business. How do you make pop
,harlieG [He explained. l-Kearney
enterprise.
Fair hostess--Now, Major, let me
resent you to Miss Birmingham.
Major-Not Laura Brantingham
BY Jove, so it is But how ridicu-
ously young you are looking
Laara-Well. I'm only 80, Major
Major-How things changer Why.