Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-05-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

Boston Balleti1.
The theatrical manager is known by
the company he keeps.-Lye.
An intermittent ache is like serial
story-continued next tweak.-Boston
CourieT.
When a man is victorious he crows
When he loses he must eat the crow
Neao Orleans Picayat,ae.
A great many girls say mo" at first;
but. like the photographer, they know
how to retouch their negatives. -Puck.
Lie on the left side says a health
journal. If it had been law journal
it would have said 'Lie on both sides"
Boston Courier.
Only the first baby is favored with
visits from the angels in its sleep. A
little peppermint is what the others
get.-Ierre Haute Express.
1t is said that a prominent Italian
Count Will shortly set the fad of simply
wearing plain yellow pawnticket at
the end of the watch chain.-JeUeters'
Weekly.
A man hasn't much of an opinion of
himself after nights folly, and yet,
strange to say. that's the time when he
has a case of "big head. "-Bostons
Courier.
Now that we are going to have new
navy, it might be good idea to have
a new army, too. The officers must be
tired of hunting for the old one with a
telescope.-Puck.
Uncle George-Do you like to have
such long hair? Charley-No, I'd
rather have it short myself, but man.
ma wants me to look like one of those
id cherubs.-Ltfe.
A language in which forged checks
and counterfeit money are uttered" is
of peculiar grammatical construction
so much so that it cannot be passed.
Baltimore american.
Long ez yo' got a pantry full dar's
no trouble abo't fn'in' huff toe eat dim
nah wild yo'; but hit er laikly dat wen
yo' er in hah'd luck yo' won't meet a
one dat knows yo' in a days walk
Judge.
The philosophers wife = Lionel,
which do you consider the greatest inn
portance of the final questions of life,
the shave been" or the might have
beenP" The philosopher (sadly)-
The coal bin.-Life.
Minister dining with the family
Bobby, suppose when you grow up
to be man you will want to be an
earnest Christian, won't you? Eyes,
sir, if it doesn't interfere with being a
drum-majo r. Thine.
Mike the Slugger { admiring a
strangely There's Teller wot could
make heap O. money if he'd take to
prize-fightin'." Sam the Sport-"No,
he couldn't. | know him; he's tongue
tied" Philadelphia Record.
"Do you think my editorials on the
sin of chewing tobacco have any eff
fectP" asked a reformer of a gentle
man whom he had in the corner
Eyes. know they do. They always
remind me that want chew Wash
ingtoaa Post.
Mrs. Society-"Have you invited
all of your and your husbands gentle
men friends?" Mrs. De Fashion-"All
of mine, but none of my husbands. If
/ should invite his he would miss them
at the club and feel lonely, poor dear.
PHILADELPHIA Record.
The young ladies of Kansas town
have formed an association and will
send their beauX home promptly at 10
o'clock. The only reasonable solution
of this lies in the probability that the
boys have been in the habit of leaving
about 9.-PeorjG Transcript.
Little Peter Fray edback-Say, bossi
that's my mother over there buying
slipners. Shoe-dealer-Yes? Little
Peter-You tell her that ones made of
worsted with padded soles is tn most
stylish, an you gets free ticket to
our next Injun show.-Judge,
Theatrical dressmaker = d" What!
This dress too low in the neck? Why,
1t isn't half as low as the dresses of
ladies who occupy the boxes" Great
actress-"True, but an actress must
pay some regard to the proprieties,
you know. "-Philadelphta Record.
Boracks-How is your novel selling,
Wagstaff? Wagstaff Pretty well. [
got out second edition, you know,
with all the Objectionable passages
suppressed. Boracks-And did that
help the sale anyP Wagstaff-Of the
first edition, yes.-Ierre Haute E1-
press.
Gilhooly-It seems to me that there
are fewer marriages than ever before.
| wonder what is the cause ofitP Gus
de Smith-If young ladies would learn
to stick pin in their apron strings so
that it wouldn't scratch a fellows
wrist there would be more marriages.
Teas SytingS.
Hostess do take some more of the
pudding, Mr.. Snibbins." Snibbins-
My dear Mrs. Bunderby,I couldn't eat
another mouthful. I've eaten so much
already that l can hardly speak"
Hostess-''Do try little more-just a
little more; if only to please me, Mr..
Snibbins. boston Transcript.
Young wife Tin clearinghouse to
husband See, George, have washed
out a couple of handkerchiefs this
morning and saved 10 cents laundry.
George (enthusiastically)-You are a
little treasure. | am going right out
now and buy an extra cigar. Economy
is wealth.-St. Paul Pioneer Press.
eff you don't want me to know
where you've been, Harry, when you
come home this way" said wife to
her late and somewhat demorallzed
husband, "you had better run upstairs
when you are coming to bed" why
sho, m dear?' Because by running
upstairs you will lose your breath. y
Boston Courier.
Western lady-'tAnd so your daugh-
ter is going to marry a Western mani
L. 4 Co ~, y