Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1889-04-10
nOnUs, KERRY MOMENTS.

nOnUs' MERRY MOMEN14s
THE bakers hymn need thee ever,
hour.
A FASHIONABLE plate-The card 10
ceiver.
The latest thing out-The gus Ia the
front hall.
THE saddest words OF tongue OF pen
Are these-your rent Ii due again.
You never know how sure-f0oted q
dog is until you attempt TO put him On
his back in q tub Of water. He is then
all feet and eyes.
WrE-Mrs. Smith told me--think oil
the audacity of that woman-that she
loved youi Husband-She must b<
crazy. Wife-Well, / should think 80.
BELINDA-Haye you read MIR. Pen,
mans last poem on "Growing Old? It's
really charming. Mabel--No; but /
will do so. I'm sure you ought to be a
good judge.
EDIroR-What kind Of . looking man
is it who wants to see me? Office Boy
II can't tell whether he's q politician
or q prize-fghter. Both sorts are
harmless. Admit him."
The st. Louis papers say there is q
man in that city who seizes girls on the
street aud forcibly kisses them. In st.
Louis? Poor fellow; crazy no doubt.
How he must suffer. -Bnrdeftc.
MRs. HAsHcRoFT~-That new boarder
need not try to make me think he il .
bachelor. He is either married or q
widower. Billings-How can You tell?
"He always turns his back to me when
he opens his pocketbook TO settle"
"AH! Madeline, Madeline!" he sighed,
II wish that You and ! were in yon dis.
tant twinkling planet where true hove
becomes immortal" II wish you were
she replied, and, looking Mt her watch,
said: "The nights are awful short
"WHAr the deuce does Mrs. wea,
so many putfs and things for?" asked q
lady OF the Won Schroeder ball ms.
week. why" was the reply, "she ha,
INDUCED so much in fashionable dissi.
patton that she has the delirium trim.
mings."
Miss BEAuTy-Do you remember
that French count who followed me
from place to place and declared he was
dying OF love for me? Well, his family
have put him in a lunatic asylum.
Rival Belief am not surprised. al
ways did think he was crazy.
Nor impossible-"Speak French?
Well, I guess / do. Do you suppose l
lived in Paris five years for nothing?"
II didn't know. Judging from the way
you live with your wife's father here. /
didn't know but what you did live in
Paris five years for nothing
ANXIOUS Mother-Why. my dear, in
tears! What has happened?" Married
Daughter--I-I got angry at Arthur
this morning and said a lot of-of mean
things and her he said q lot Of meaner
ones, and-and I couldn't think of any
thing mean enough to say back, I
couldnt!
FIRST Messenger Boy (excitedly)-
Say, Gully, come into this toy store and
see the nigger dance on o box an turn
summersets wjdout losin' step. Second
Messenger Boy (solemnly)-Tye got a
message for o doctor-case of life and
death can't stop more'n q half
hour or 40.
FIRST Stranger Tin street-car)--I see
you in the cars quite regularly, but sell
dom at this hour. Second Stranger
No, this is On extra trip. My wife
wished me to 60 to q store and match
some trimmings for her. "Ah! Glad
met you. Here's my card. / am a di-
vorce lawyer."-NeW York Weekly.
II SEE Miss Smith has eloped with
the professor Of mathematics up at the
college. $50? That's what comes Of
being stuck on warm weather" "Eh?"
@The summer-she likes the summer"
sob, yes! / was at q ball last night
and found a rose. That was the last
rose Of some her, too."-Chicag0
Ledger.
HE-I know I'm not bwilliant, Miss
Matte, but it's hahdly faiah to call me
the missing link, rs Miss Mentwell did,
do you think? Miss Mattie-Of course
not, Mr.. Empte, for you are not missing
and haven't been all evening, have You!
He (relieved)--No, I haven't and I'll
just 90 ovah and tell her so, don't you
know Washington Critic.
JlaaERs-Darn an ignoramus any.
how. Wiggers-What's the matter now +!
Jiggers-I was calling on little Miss
Pertly last night aud she asked what
the phrase "indulging in osculatory ex.
ercises" meant. Said she found it in O
novel. Wiggers-Wel did you tell
her? Jiggers-I didn't know what il
meant until I looked through the die
tionary this morning.
@AH, see yon ~pale-faced moon, Miss
Clara. What Q charm it gives the
night. How sweet to sit beneath its soft
translucent light with one whose heart
beats responsive to your own, and
That's all pretty, Mr.. Flirtabit, but
what do you propose to do? Here We
are six nights out and you haven't said
snything definite yet. It's about time
to get down to business if you mean te
this TRIP. Ocean.
HUSBAND (kindly)-My dear, yor
have nothing decent to wear, have you
Wife with alacrity)-"No, indeed, ]
haven't. I'd be ashamed to be seer
anywhere. My newest party dress has
been worn three times already" "Yes
that's Just what I told Blifkins when he
offered me two IS tickets for the operi
tonight for 80. / knew il I took then
they'd only be wasted. SO I just goI
one. Well, / must hurry"
THE WAY TO MAKE MONEY.
A moment of leisure had come his way.
And rather than idlenass choosing
The coal dealers Office boy sat one day,
A book with attention pernsfng.
Then asked his employer what Is the book
That you take such an interest in. sonnyp
The boy at the title page gave Q look
And answered, "The Way to Make Money"
OF plans to make money there isn't a one
Beats mine, l am confident, sonny;
Give eighteen hundred pounds to the ton,
And you'll mud that's the weigh to max
money.
-DOstom Courier.
The Cause OF Dizziness.
Darwin explains the origin Of dizzi
ness in persons while looking down from
1 - H. k1l--u-