The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-07-09
MR.. AND R BowsER.
BY MRS. BowsER.

usual time, l was naturally astonlsneo,
and as he looked so stern and digni6ed, L
was fearful that some misfortune had oc-
CURED.
Anything wrong, Mr.. Bowser?" I
managed to ask.
He halted, folded his hands under his
coat-tails, and, balancing himself on his
heels and toes alternately, he replied:
"Mrs. Bowser, this is the last straw
the very lastI"
"Why, what have [ done?"
"I had an invitation to attend q ban-
quet of the B. N. G. Club, and was down
to deliver an address. / came home to
get ready, and, lol what do | find"
"Robbers in the house 2"
"Not muchI No robber with any
sense in his head would come to this
house! It would take him a week to
find anythingl / go up stairs to get a
clean shirt, collar, etc, but nothing OF tn"
sort can be found. I come down aud
ask the cook to see if my Sunday clothes
are in the -four barrel, but she looks in
vain. / go to the telephone and ask the
coal man if he saw them in the basement
when he put in that last ton, but he can't
remember. You, of course, have no
knowledge of them. You can't say
whether they are in the oat bin in the
barn, or packed away in the garnet for a
rats nest"
"Mr. Bowser, have you been drink
ing?" 49,,
"Have I been Drinking That's just
like a womanl When she gets cornered
she throw VS. out just such insults to hide
her own short comings. LIS wonder l
haven't been drinking. It's q wonder /
don't come home drunk and wipe out this
family. Mrs. Bowser, / demand to know
what you have done with my clothes"
"They are up stairs, unless you have
sold or given them away"
"No more insults, please. Come up
stairs and show me, for instance, where
my shirts are"
every well. We shall find then in
the second drawer of your bureau, where
they have been kept for the last two
"I1l bet you a million dollars to a
"Come on"
We went up stair to the bureau and I
out the drawer and there lay five
clean shirts, just where I had placed them
as they came from the laundry two days
before.
"But they were not there an hour ago."
protested Mr.. Bowser.
"But they were. How could they be
anywhere else? In this other drawer
are your socks, neckties, cuffs and collars.
See 2"
az see, but that drawer was empty
half an hour ago."
"And in this closet is your Sunday
suit. See? Coat, vest and pants. Are
you growing blind, Mr.. Bowser7"
"Thereis some dark mystery connected
with all this, Mrs. Bowser, and / will not
rest until I unravel it. I spent a good
half hour looking for my things, but not
one single article could I find"
Because you rushed up stairs and
went into the spare room, just like lots of
other husbands. Of course you did!
See? Every drawer in the spare room
bureau has been pulled out, and the
clothes press door is wide opsn!"
"Mrs. Bowser, don't try to get out of
it in this way! My eyesight is still good,
and when l see ar empty drawer I know
it is not full of shirts. I have lost an
hour looking for my things, and now 1
cannot go to the banquet"
He went down stairs and called up
some one by telephone and said:
81 can't be there this evening. NY
shirts, collars and clothes had been mis-
laid by my wife, and I only found them a
moment ago. Very sorry, but give my
regrets to the boys and tell them how it
was. Some wives are like that and can't
help it, you know. Good bye"
The next evening Mr.. Bowser brought
a friend up with him-the same one he
had telephoned to. After a bit he took
him up stairs for a smoke, and, as they
reached the head of the stairs they found
the following notice on the bedroom
door:
INSIDE THIS ROOM
Will be found
Mr. BowsER's SHIRTS, COLLARS, CUFFS AND
SUNDAY SUIT.
Don't make the mistake of looking in the
alley.
On the bureau 1 had tackled the second
sign, reading:
"First drawer-Your hair dye, etc.
"Second drawer-Collars, cuffs and
neckties."
IL Jul SulIlSs
On the door of the clothes closet I had
a third sign, reading:
"Your Sunday suit is IN this closet
first hook to the left as you enter"
On each garment was marked the name,
%"coat," "vest," and "pants,' and on the
wall a set of instructions, reading:
Il. Fling your hat under the bed.
90. Kick your pants over behind the
lounge.
"3. Throw your vest behind the wash
stand and your coat on the floor.
"a. In removing the buttons from your
shirt, jerk and twist from left to right and
back again. This will enlarge the button
holes.
"5. If you drop one of the buttons,
jump up and down and cuss and declare
that you have been one button short all
the week.
Sc. If the button holes in your collar
are too large, kick over a chair and de-
clare your desire to murder some ne. If
too small, kick over two chairs and hy it
To me-