Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-11-15
PITH AND POINT.
A string of lies-Iarn.

s'IilS Vi HIS 1dlll.
Downheartcd- pillow.
81 am cutting a swell, rs the surgeon
remarked while lancing IL boil.
~ dog is good sailor, yet he abar.
dons his bark when lie goes under the
water.
A cool million will goa long way to,
ward making anybody happy in warm
weather.
A Niagara guide is called "Pridc." he
cause he gocth before fall.-Drake's
.Mgaaiac.
If some men were half as big rs they
think they arc the world would have to
We enlarged.
The prudent farmer husbands his corn,
which is unkind, rs corn is very apt to be
hen-pccked.
A baitlhcadcd man says his hair re
minds him of fool and his moncy-it is
EASILY parted.
What a glorious world this would be il
the people lived UP to the epitaphs on
their tombstoncs.
A man in Southhrid@c, Mass, has n
five legged mule. Ii is treated with more
than ordinary respect.
A little girl sent out to find eggs re.
turned without success, complaining that
lots OF hens were standing about doing
nothing.
A story is told of Il young man who was
going 10 open IL jcwciry shop. When
asked what capital he had he replied. "a
crowbar."
Baldwin, the balloonist, has made
so, 900 by his parachute dcscents in
England. That's what may be called
dropping into Il fortune.
Short Ciap-''Do you think that
man can live too long?" Tall Fellow
"lndeed | do. I'm six feet six, and am
always smashing my high hat"
Judgc-''Dcscribe the man whom You
saw assaultin.; the complainant" Police
man-''lIc was - little, insignificant
A looking creature, about your size, your
Honor"
"Hcalthy in our town? should thin;
so! We have only had one funeral for
ten years, and that was the doctor, who
literally starved 10 death. ''-Fi,egendc
Btaettcr.
Mrs. Winks-"Well, I declare. Tho
weather forecasts are right for once ut
last" Mr.. W;nks OooHing over her
sioulder)-"Hun'ph! That paper is a
week old"
Teachcr-"!f you had three oranges
and ate two, how many would be icft!"
Scholar (positiyeiy) -"Nonc" Teacher
Eyes. One would be left" Scholar
(dodgedIy) it wouldn't. Id eat
hat, too. p"
The latest medical pronunciamcnto
says the pit;sDurg Dispatch, is that sinok-
ing after meals is injurious. Since it is
already established that smoking before
meals is injurious, the ONLY refuge is to
stop eating oil CITY BissalI.
"Sec here, Mr.. Grocer" said house,
wife, "if YOU are going TO bring me any
more goods | want them 10 ne the very
best "Wc keep none but the best ="
~ presume so; you must sell the worst
in order TO keep the best. "-LMrltoyd
Post.
"Bccn on your vacation2" mo.
Why?' al saw you riding home i'll IL
hack the other day, and thought likely
you had just returned" ''Do you sup
pose | could have afforded to ride home
in n hack if / had been on my vacation?'
-LomeH Citizen.
A thief who broke into London
house some mornings ago was forced to
hide in the music room, and for four
hours compelled to hear the various men,
bers of the family take piano lessons
Then lie came from his conccalmcnt and
begged to be taken to 81 police station.
Invention l.as made it possible, accord
ing to az exchange, to walk as we'll with
artificial legs as with rea! ones. All, what
an imncnsiiy of rheumatism is thus taken
ont of Il suffering world And when in
vention shall supply the wooden in place
OF the genuine head what agony of neu-
"algia will be swept away!-Judgc.
Charley stayed pretty late last night.
didn't he, Lil?" asked sister Kate the
next morning. EYES," said Lii, slecpily;
''we were trying the pigs in the Glove.
puzzle till nearly II O'Clock" ".ind
did you get the pigs in the pen, Liz"
asked Kate, eagerly. "No, we didn't:
but got my finger in this solitaire dia
mond ring. "-Loadoa Rare Bits.
"That's the way with the world lie
growled. "You do something the pco-
pie don'tlikc and they turn on you quicker
than you can say Jack Robinson Ethel
can go home to her mother if she wants
to. AS long as | have the house and
something to cat L won't care. But great
heavens!" he exclaimed, as he looked
about the pantry, ''I'll be hanged if the
milk hasn't turned, too"