The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1889-09-28
Dol SPLICES FOR LIFE.
THE RECORD OF Il QUEER OLD
TRENTON JUSTICE.

UNA OAuD III AOAtOA
"Well, there, now i've married POI
couples in less than twenty years, and
I've tied the knot for every nation
ality except the Chinese, and in that
direction I've made several steps in
advance of many of my brother-knot-
tiers, for l did have a Celestial to call
on me preparatory to his being
doubled up. But when the time
came for the final act to be done his
fiancee backed out entirely. So 1
lost the one link that would complete
my chain of nationality modifying.
The above somewhat mystifying
speech was delivered to q Times re-
porter by that old veteran squire,
Thomas Abbott, of No. $50 Clinton
street, Yesterday. As the reporter
entered the Squire's cigar store he
saw a being that resembied a Chinese,
BY his side was a rather nicely
dressed and rosy checked Hungarian
woman who looked to be about
twenty-seven years of age. That
couple have just been married" said
Tile OHulre, o66lIlS Olldtt tHo SCiAOC was
unable to understand the nature of
the.excitement.
What is it?'' asked the reporter.
"His name is-is-i-i-i-is, wait, I've got
it down in here,n and the Squire
shambled off returning with a stub
book of marriage records" He con-
tinued:-''His nalne is YarYaya 3Kay-
ti@a, and he's a japanese. The
brides name is MARTINEZ UmpkZi, she
is a Hungarian, and they live out here
on Brunswick avenue.n
Squire, how many couples have
you married?" asked the Times man,
gazing at the thick stub book he held
i'll his hands.
II said when you came in the door
that that pair made 201 couples that
I've tied the matrimonial knot for
within twenty years. I've also mar
ried all nationalities except the
Chinese, and in that case one came
here and made arrangements to be
married. but the girl backed out when
the time came.
II guess you remember that wash
tub stopper :" continued the Squire.
His name was Ching something. He
was going to marry a half dozen
Mclean gals but he didn't. Finally
he ran off with one and when her
folks brought her back, he or she, l
don't remember which, cut their
throat. He had a laundry on North
Greene street."
"Do you remember the first couple
you ever married, Squire?' put in a
bystander.
"Do I? Well, | should think I did.
If you had been there and saw the
fist 1 made of it you would never have
forgotten it either"
Nov, you'll all please remember"
began Mr.. Abbott, that l was some
what younger than | am now, twenty
years ago"
Nearly all the listeners believed
this, but there were three or four old
Eighth Warders present who refused
to believe anything the Squire said,
because they said The might be lay
ing some trap fer u.s." and added
you know it's near election time
now"
But the Squire continued with
out noticing the sayings of his old
cronies.
II had just been elected a Justice
of the Peace when in walked my old
friend Henry G. Baines and told me
he was about to join the b%enedicts,
and now that | had the power, what
would be nicer than have me do the
splicing. Well, I've never had such a
sensation since that wedding as | had
at that time.
"a large crowd attended, and when
everything was in readiness for the
ceremony | became terribly nervous.
| had been studying the little piece 1
would be called oil to repeat to make
them man and wife, all day, and
when they stood up before me ! be-
gan with the usual preliIninaries
about age, etc. I held a book in my
hand, and started off with the cere-
mony, but / had scarcely uttered ten
words when | found l was wrong and
had forgotten what came next
Il looked in the book and | made
the discovery that l was holding it
upside down. | stopped. Turning
the book | again began reading, bur
| was so much excited that / did not
notice that | was reading the eject
ment law for non-payment of rent
until Henry called my attention to it.
Then | made another discovery. |
had the wrong book in my hand.
Well, | postponed the ceremony for
one hour and went home for the
proper book. On returning / took a
dose of nerve medicine, and with the
help of several old people present the
wedding proceeded and Henry was
spliced. Now you bet | never got
nervous after that. | don't see that it
is my place to get rvo It's the
fellow that's running the chances on
his side partner that does the shaking
when Im marrying a couple now"
There are few Justices or Notaries
in the State of New Jersey, or even
ministers Camden excepted that have
launched 402 people on the road to-
well, say happiness.
Last week Squire Abbott married
four couples, the week before that he
married six couples. "And you can
tell all your young friends hat | am
ready to &c on marrying them until I
have one thousand names on this stub
book, and then it will be full, said
the Squire as the scribe was leaving
his store. Trenton Times.
Fresh Air for Dyspepsia.
When a person is given to dyspep-
STA, as many people are by inherited
constitution, and many more from
acquired habit, q great variety of
circumstances may lead to recurrent
attacks. With some people an inn
pure atmosphere, OIL hot, sunny and
eXhAustin0 weather. or extremely