Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1889-01-10
BTfL HEADS

neasay cxccuseu anu ~ 1ityskAUfes-
There's many clip 'twiX the cup
and the lip. which may secoant for
the popularity of the straw-euck.
The sidewalks in Salt Lake City
are twenty feet wide. 30 that Nor
mon can go.'walking with hwNives at
his eide-Puck. ~
Old lady Gin shore store)--Have
ron felt slippers !? Small box clerk
(solsmnly l-Yes. ma am. many &line.
Terra Haute Express.
old-timsr---Saw you with your
lady last evening. Young sprout---
Yes: my cousin. you know. Old
timsr-0. certainly. ] know; shs was
mine oncs-Town Topics.
Husband Ito wife with pet dopJL
You should have married Fido instead
Of me. Wife (regretfully)-But poor
Fido hadn't any money, don't you
know-Wsshington Post.
Mistress-Bridget, I wish you would
not 60 cut this afternoon; am not
feeling well. Bridget-Faith, but
that's quare raysoni Tn we'll enough
meself, amt I?-Life.
Judgs--Prisoner, the evidence shows
that you brutaily assaulted the plain
tiff. Have You anything to offer in
extenuation /? Prisoner-No, sir; my
lawyer took all the money I had
Time.
Il is said that counterfeit American
bills are circulating in Canada. We
don't know about the Bills, but the
American Dicks. Toms. and Harrys
circulating there are not counterfeit.
Washington Post.
There are two kinds of successful
actresses nowadays-those who de-
pend simply on their costumes to win
them fame and shekels, and those who
depend simply on the lack of them
Somerville Journal.
The Empress Of Japan has certain
days Of the week upon which Japanese
is forbidden language. But they
are not the days on which she wants
to speak her mind freely to the old
man.-Washington Post.
George-You look glum. Is your
lady.love tickle ? Augustus-N-o; o;
but her father 10 unkind. / called last
night and he showed me- Eh He
showed you the door2 No; her mil.
linery bills.-Philadelphia Record.
Clothier--Yes, we want few wo.
men to sew in the pants department.
Have you ever had any experience in
basting pants? Applicant-Well, I
should remark. / taught in a prima-
~ school for four years.-Terre Haute
Express.
Mistress-Well. / can give You q
commendation as to honesty, but
cant speak Of you as a good worker.
Girl (about departingl-Shure, Oi
doan want you t spake Of me as a
good worker. It isn't work Dim af.
ter at all. It's noice. respectable
phlace.-Time.
Tenderfoot-Are there many ad-
mirsrs Of music in your town !? Da.
kota citizen-Pardner, we not only
admire music here, but we respect il.
There have beer FIVE organ grinders
lynched in our city since last spring.
Terre Hsute Express.
I'm sorry you are 80 busy now, said
Bjor co, because / wanted to take you
to see my latest charmer. Bot an
other time will do, so just tell me
when you will be your own master.
Never, sighed Cobbwigger. Im mar.
risd now-New York Sun.
Mrs. Hendricks-I read an account
in the morning paper Of such a sad
occurrence. An eagle snatched
baby from its nurses arms and car
ried it of. Mr.. OIdboy (who 10 rot
fond of bsbies)-It might have been
sa0dcts w uab u INC cAklc 1au tn5ltu
to get away with the baby Epoch.
Amanthy, said the old lady from
the head of the stairs, what does that
young feller mean by stayin' so late ?
Excuse me one moment, Mr.. Herring,
said -Amanthy, and she closed the par.
lor door softly and whispered boarse-
ly up the stairs / think he means
business, ma; you 60 to bed.-Epoch.
With a rashnes which he never
realized until too late he had kissed
the Boston girl right on the mouth.
Never do that again, sir she said.
M-M-Miss Waldo, said he. il the Lord
lets me thaw out this time, / never
will attempt the like again; at least
without an overcoat.-Terre Hante
Express.
Come home with me, and We have
q little game Of draw, said Cobwigger
TO his friend. Ny wife will DO away.
How do you know she will ? inquired
Merritt. Because, was the convincing
reply, her new bonnet came from the
milliners last night. and she's sure TO
be out all day.-New York Sun.