St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-08-25
THE GOSSIPER.

The OO6Slt EAA.
The De Wilkins family live on the
hill. The De Wilkins are rich, lire in
an elegant bar0nial mansion on Summit
avenue, have their carriage and four and
colored servants to wash dishes. DE
Wilkins pere made his money years ago
by getting the best end of contracts for
sewers. He is proud of his wealth, yet
not arrogant, and spends his dollars
with a royal flush hand. But if the
truth must be told he is getting old and
a little shaky-aS a sad rake was De
Wilkins in his youth. BE was reading
in the papers recently about the Won
derful rejuvenating powers of the new
" discovered elixir of life and he
conceived the idea of taking trip TO
Paris and consulting with the famous
Psychologist, Dr.. BroWn-Sequard. He
preached the subject to his family one
day, but his wife, who is a plain, good
natured lady, sat down on the project,
as it were, firmly. mo, sir, john" said
she, ''you are getting too old to 90 gala
wanting around Paree. You'll stay
right at home" So De Wilkins re-
NAMED at home, but he still cherished
the idea that if he could only be treated
to some Of that elixir, he would be able
old boys, Who had been a little more
moderate in their youth than he. So
unbeknown to his wife or the rest of the
family, he cabled to Paris for French
physician, and added. postscript to
have the doctor bring along lamb OF
French extraction. Because" rea-
soned he to himself" the elixir is
French invention, so l must have every
thing French and then I'm sure of it.
Besides, these American lambs amt
what they might be-"
In due time the doctor came, bringing
with him his valet and French lamb.
OF course he had to be brought to the
house, so De Wilkins took the whole
outfit up and introduced them to the
family. That night De Wilkins re-
ceived curtain lecture from his better
half, which wound up with: YOU'RE
bigger fool'n you were when | married
you, john But then he didn't care
for that, as he was to be experimental
upon the next day with the elixir OF
life.
The next day he and the French doc
tor, French valet and what was once
the vital part of the French lamb, re-
manned eIoseted together in room in
the house the greater part of the fore
noon. First the doctor and his valet
came out, and the former, addressing
himself TO the anxious Mrs. De Wilkins,
said:
Your husban' will see you in
mineet, madame. l go me now to re
Reong, but viii return tomorrow"
A few moments after he had gone out
came De Wilkins looking and walking
colt. He waltzed up to his astOnished
wife, and planting kiss on the tip OF
her nose, said:
"Aha, ma belle Honore. you do not
know your husban'; he is so much
change: so much bettare."
John De Wilkins" answered his
now dumbfounded spouse, you must
be gettin' crazy talking about Honorey.
Children,come here quick; your fathers
gone craZier IN a LOOM"
The children-grown up all Of them
came into the room and discovered
their aged and formerly dignified
father prancing about Oh one foot aud
Sinking like barber.
''Tra-la-la shildrain, soup de bouillon
je t. ADORE" ehifruped he.
"Oh, merciful heaYensp' mOaned his
frightened wife, ats that elixir from
the French lamb that's making him act
this way" Then she had fit of hyS-
tericS and was carried off to bed, while
her Frenchified and rejuyenated lord
went out and ordered the carriage, and
was driven down to the city. He jab-
bered French all the way to the coach
man, and insisted on smoking several
cigarettes. performance that he had
not accomplished before for many a
long year.
Then he went and ordered six dozen
of frogs legs, and had them sent to the
house. The upshot of his little jaunt
was that he got bowling drunk on alb
Sinthe, got his nose bloodied for ogling
women on the street, paid for ten SupperS
at 80 plate at Magee's, chased down
street like mad after man carrying a
sleeps pelt on his back, and raised the
dickens generally. To wind up with he
fell asleep in a hack, and remained
there all night in front of his own resi-
dence.
The coachman had fallen asleep, too,
as be had been imbibing wine all night
at De wilkins expense, but when the
sun came out in the morning he aWoke
and aroused the servants, who carried
their inanimate master into the house.
When he aWoke about noon the elixir
had all spent itself, and he found him
self the same old De Wilkins, minus the
French and feeling two years older. His
barrel, and he was so stiff and sore that
he never left his bed for eight days. In
the meantime the French doctor and his
valet had been4Shipped out of the
city, and eadmenistled never to call at
the De Wilkins, mansion again.
This all happened two weeks ago, but
De Wilkins never mentions ..eliXir"
any more, and is preparing to die when
his time comes, like decent man..
~
For the past, week there has been a
couple of full-tiedged Mormons in the
city, looking around for worlds to con-
quer. tits understood that they were
''saints, 'nand were here to do a, little
and brothers of the various churches,
but not finding any encouragement left
for Des Moines, To-, where they hoped to
find people of more susceptible nat
ure. The two elders who were in the
city came from Wheeling, W. Va.
where whole congregation has been
established. A gentleman from Richie
county, of that state, is in the city, at
present, and tells some queer stories
about the work of the Mormons in West
Virginia. Hundreds of converts
have been made there, especial
ly in the counties of Richie,
NdluOuIl, NIdnJ dilu ~ Ituu6llOL,
Many young girls had been induced to
leave their homes and go to Utah, and
wives have deserted husbands and hus-
bands wives, to go to the beautiful ''city
of saints" Although in public these
Mormon elders vehemently deny that
they are connected with the polyga-
nous branch of the Mormon church,
theyIpreach polygamy in secret and advo-
Ocate the most horrible Of practices. The
gentleman above referred to said that
there would probably be an outbreak in
West Virginia, as public sentiment
against the lecherous Mormon wretches
was intense. They ought to all be
killed and never buried" said he.
Chow slow people are in taking up
the style" said young lady yesterday,
who was dressed in an ALA Greek cos
tune. that displayed the contour of her
form to perfection and had no ''hump"
in the back. 1.-The 'improver' has been
out of StNln for some time hnt great