The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-03-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Doing light work Cleaning the
lamps.
The shirtmaker's favorite exclamation
"A hem.
A clever slight of hand performer
The coquette.
The locomotive lever most always
travels ''incog."
1t is the telegraph operator that has
his work at his fingers ends.
Advice to the dressmaker: "Be sure
you're right then go ahead"
A BARRIERS shears shut up when at
work and so should the barber.
The man with the most accomplish
ments often mplishes-nothing.
There are sand flies when there is calm
and sand flies when the wind blows.
The most unhappy feature about being
a jail bird is said to be its inability to
fly. .
A doctor may kill man with the best
of intentions. A murderer kills with tho
worst.
When an Indian catches cold on the
warpath he has the whoppiIg
cough.
"Waiter, this beefsteak is so tough |
can't cut it." "a sharper knife for the
gen tleman."
Patient -"Do you extract teeth with
out painp Dcntist-"Yes;a ;a-iit-is no
pain 10 me"
The moths have strange tastes. They
frequently appear in overcoats in sum-
mer weather. -Pica, Wae.
India rubber is being tried as street
pavement in Germany. 1t ought to give
every pedestrian an elastic step.
Doctor-"I see little Win has fully
recovered" Mother-"Oh, yes, doctor,
little Bill was cured by your big BILL"
First Boy-"Is your father fond of
ishl" Second Boy-"Yes, guess so.
He has C.. o. d. printed on his business
cards."
Some persons complain of Sudden
changes in the weather." but we notice
that It gets both warmer and colder by
degrees.
The nuisance of the hotel was in the
parlor warbling "Oh, would l were q
bird" "Well, here's beginning for
you, said the landlord. And he handed
him his bill.-Argosy.
The little girl who wrote on her ex-
animation paper "The interior of Afr. ca,
is principally used for purposes OF OK
ploration" was wiser than she thought.
Baltimore AmerieaR.
"Don't you know, Emily, that it is
not proper for you TO turn around and
look after n genteman" "But, mamma,
/ was only looking to see il he was look
ing to see if was looking. "-Stfthgs.
Mr.. Youngman after long thought
"Is there any way to find out what
woman thinks of you, without Iropos-
ing" Mr.. renedict (absentlyl-
make her mad. ."-Neio YoTk Weekly.
There was once a Young man, a poor debtor,
Who wrote TO his tallors lebtor;
They ans Wered at once
Aud called him donce,
And then the poor fellow felt bebtor.
Washington Critic.
II is said that Minneapolis man who
attempted 10 commit suicide the other
day by taking poison was saved by the
active and indefatigable exertions of
four dictionary canyassers. - Chica0j
Iribim'.
Miss De Pert (unfeelingly)-"This is,
parhaps, the first refusal you have re-
ceived, Mr. De TomW Mr.. Ee Tom
(sarcastically) )-'And perhaps the first
you have ever given, Miss Mauve. -
1o,oa IoPies.
Little Bobby-"Don't you want to
take me up TO the toboggan slide with
you some day. Mr.. Jinksm Mr.. Jinks-
81 never 90 to any toboggan slide.
Bobby; never even saw a toboggan."
Bobby "a tribe nonplused)- d)-"That's
funny | heard pa say something about
your going down hill at furious rate. "
LADY 1LARE's GREAT HEAD.
He does not love me for my birth, nor for my
lands SO broad and fair,
He does not eel me / am worth more 20 him
than earth and air.
| lie does not take me on his knee and kiss my
eyes aud nose and hair,
His sister have said I'd be, and that Is we'll
said Lady Clare