The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-04-11

promised to take her out riding. She
met him at the door, and he exclaimed
Hello Ready ?" She misunderstood
him, and they don't speak now.
Remarkably candid, perhaps uninten-
tionally so, was doctor in Scranton,
Pa, the other day, who, in filling out a
certificate of death, wrote his name in
the blank space reserved for cause of
death"
wife, did you order that homeless
liver as asked you to do this morningP'
Yes, | did, What did the butcher
say Pr You're a mean good for nothing
old fool. Don't speak to me again for a
month";
"A feol can ask questions but it takes
wise man to answer them" said the
small boy sententiously to the teacher
who had given him a geographical pos
er. But he never made sententious re
mark like that in that school again.
Love and wine, so much sung about
in poetry" observed the philosopher
ARE two very different kinds of intoXi-
cants." "In what way Pr asked the
listener. "Thei.one." was the reply,
swells the heart and the other the head. y
Chicago Globe.
We have a speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh. Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
and Headache, in SHlLOHS CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price SO cents. Sold
by j. I. Shurtleff.
Ayers Hair Nigor is most excel
lent preparation for the hair. | speak
of it from experience. Its use promotes
the growth of new hair, and makes il
glossy and soft. The VigOr is a sure
cnre for dandruff."-J. w. Bowen, Ed
itor Enquirer, Macarthur, Ohio.
poor Jenny ! 1t must be an awful
shock to YOU sympa' hized her friend
"And to think that you trusted him al
these years, while he was embezzling
such enormous sums ~ Yes, " she
sobbed, Il knew my millinery acne
came to more than his salary, but | new
err suspected him.
shiIoh,s Catarrh Remedy.
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, a marvel
Gus cure for catarrh, diphtheria, cankel
mouth, and headache. With each bot.
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment o.
these complaints without extra charge
Price 90 cents Sold by j. 7. Shurtleff
Bennington.
Husband pettishIy)-"Why, Nellie
do you spend so much time at the look
ing glass 2" Wife-"To make myself
look al attractive as possible" H.
"Pshaw You are too vain. And VIVA
does it all amount to! don't admire
you any more" WI know il, dear
hut you are not the only man in thu
world" H.-Puts on his thinking cap
Boston Courier.
VIM. Roberts. NJ. D.. Physician to thl
Manchester, Eng, Infirmary and Luna
tic Hospital Professor Of Medicine il
Ovens College, says "TLe attention o
the patient Is awakened some months, o.
il may be- years, after advanced kidney
disease exists" If you think it UNIV Isl
to take further chances use Warner
Safe Cure bt fore the malady becomes
any further advanced.
TT is USELESS
for young ladies' who are troubled will
freckles. pimpes, moth and tan and I
bad kin generally TO use liquid paint
or dry powders, for they only make tn,
skin lock well for the time being. Tt
have a gcol complexion you must have
pure blood. Use Sulphur B!tters anC
your skin will he fair and complexion
rosy Young Ldiics MUyuzimc.
An eastern potentate once asked {
group ofhis courtiers which they though
the greatest man, himself or his father
At first. he could elicit no reply to Sc
dangerous question. At last wiley
old cOurtier said /: Your father, sire
for, though you are equal to your father
in all her respects. in this he is super.
ior to you-that he had a greater SOL
than any you have" lie was promoted
on the spot.
Interested People.
Advertising a patent medicine in the
peculiar way in which the proprietor oil
Kemp's Balsam, for Coughs and Colds,
does 1t is indeed wonderful. lie author
ICES all druggists to give those who call
for il sample bottle free, that they may
try IL before purchasing. The large bot
ties are SOC and Sl.OO. We certainly
would advise trial. 1t may save you
from consumption. For sale by all
Druggists.
And so you think that you deserve
an increase in your salary, Mr.. Book
keeper" said old Whitgoods, as the cler K
food before him, pale with the courage
If desperation. Yes. sir" he replied.
land have waited until the new year
before speaking" I'm glad you did, ~
returned the merchant, ''for il gives me
an opportunity TO meet your wishes.
days work this year as you got for 1855
days in 1888. Good morning. Puck.
PLEASE, num-" said Bridget, eve
come 10 give yer notice" Mrs Beacon
hill--"Why. Bridget what do you
mean! Haven't you more privileges than
most domest;cs p Bridget-"Pi'aps
have, mum but liver since I've been
here, I've noticed that all The magi zines
go into the parlor, an it's not Until every
body in the house has rid EN- that we
aces one OF EN- in the kitchen. All ine
frf'nds be talkin' of the Essays an the
stories and the paaperp, an feel like
fool M 4 TO be able TO talk intilligently
wild me company !'-BOStOn Transcript.
For 30 years have been troubled with
catarrh-have tried number OF RENE
dies without relief. A druggi here
recommended Ely's Cream Balm. ]
have used only one bottle and can say
feel like a new man. My catarrh was
chronic aud very bad. ] make this vol
untaTy statement that others may know
of the Balm.-J. w. MaibewsoD, law
YER, Pawtu 'ket. r |.
Two bottles Of Ely = Cream Balm cured
the wife Of a well know u U. s. A, Gen
eral, and also two army officers in Arr
IONA NJ catarrh. Price fifty cents.
Plea ant 10 nee