Evening capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1888-1893, 1889-08-24
rALMAGEs "BIG BLUNDERs."
Last Nights Funny Lecture to an Ap
preciaoive Audience.

at lut opeId uOuSt ldSJ uIBDl Wnen
Mr.. Talmage came forward and
took his seat upon the stage. The
building was comfortably filled and
when Rev. Rollins arose to intro
duce the noted divine silence reigned
supreme.
Amid the clapping Of hands Mr..
Talmage bowed recognition and
brought from his coat-tail pocket a
bundle of "Big Blunders," which
he placed upon the speakers stand.
After depositing his manuscript he
commenced by saying; Ladies
and gentlemen: If we leave the
Evolutionists to guess how we
came here, and to the Iheologists to
/ prophecy where we will go from
here, there is still left the interest
ing fact that we are here" He ev-
idently knew, from experience, how
this little gem Of richest ray serene
would be appreciated, and accord
ingly refrained from speaking for a
few seconds, to give the'audience
chance to realize the beauty of the
clause and smile, whereupon the
lecturer proceeded to announce that
he was an optimist; that now was
the acme of history-the present de-
cade being the best decade, the pres
cut year the best year, the present
month the best month, the present
week the best week, the present day
he best day and the present even
| ing the best evening.
He said he did not believe in pro-
found lectures, for two reasons: one,
that the audience did not know what
he was talking about, and the other
| that he himself did not know what
lie was trying to say. The people
wanted something that would make
them laugh. He referred, az most
terrible example, TO the most solemn
man he had ever known-a minis
ter. who assured him that he had
not laughed for ten years, and who
borrowed S25 of him, and, out of
pure delicacy of feeling, never re-
ferred to it again. Next followed
the old story of brethren in a
Methodist class meeting, who were
telling how they were going to
heaven aboard the good gospel ship,
each making faster time than the
other, whereupon good sister arose
and said she had been hobbling
along trying to got to heaven afoot,
years and was expecting to have to
walk the rest of the way, and closed
by telling her brethren who were
hurring to heaven by steam that
they better look out or they would
bust their boilers.
The lecturer announced the sub
ject of his effort and said that while
it might not be profound, it was his
own. In illustration of this point
(although his anecdotes were worm
eaten) he told the story of the slight
ly intoxicated but well-read person
in the church of young preacher
who built his sermons by judiciously
culling sections from other men, and
who, as the preacher closed one
branch of his sermon, called out the
name of the author, much to the an
noyance of the preacher, who, in
vexation, shouted, "Shut up, you old
fool, your TO which, instead of the
answer, "Original by -" rs
given after the stolen extracts, the
lecturer affirmed that the intoxicated
person, replied: "That's your
own"
The lecturer then turned his bat
teries on "Big Rlunders," which
were divided into four heads: null
tiplicity of occupation, excessive
amusement, the formation of incon-
genial domestic ties, and general
blunders. Under the fourth head
ing the speaker corraled all OF the
blunders that had escaped from the
three, but through II all he would
have his hearers look always upon
the bright side, while the advice
occasionally given when he thrusted
out his hand suddenly toward some
position of his audience with a start
ling Young man, beware or Etc,
filled In the time while he wanderd
from his text 10 say helpful things
or tell old stories.
Much wisdom was found under
these classified teachings, and he
dwelt long and feellngly upon that
sweet word "Home" and even that
story of old times about the woman
who threw the fiat iron at her hus
bands head, which missing the mark
demomliIed that beautiful motto,
"God Bless Our Happy Home, "came
up smiling as Of yore and was greet
cd by his delighted hearers just rs
IL the verse was new 10 them, and
"A hon tina tiuAa traxx nioh fnr tina