St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1889-08-31
Hiz Fust Attempt at Cortship.

SAM JENKINS.
Hiz Fust Attempt at Cortship.
For the benefit ov sum ov yure reeders
and the publick in gineral, l will give mi
ersperience, witch haz bin quite extensiv'
in mi line, and may be with sumthin' tn
The yung foxes in peltickler.
The fust insident can think ov with
relatin' liz mi fust attempt at cortship. 1t
liz awl az fresh and cleer tn me az iph it
had occurred only yestidy. / never can
eradicate holi from mi memory the insl-
dents witch happened on that forenoon 1t
wus most extra butiful ordinary day in
the muniffucent munth ov June, 1o-,
when the idee cum intu mi he'd tn go tn
sea Sally An Dodger.
Now it happend that yung citi Teller
wus bordin' tn our house, and he wus
sed tn be reglar ''foppin' dood" Il b'leve
that's what thay cauled him). Anyway,
whilst he wus out that forenoon got intu
his sstoilet," az he cauled it, and toiled
about hat 'our tryin' tn git mi legs
intu @ pare ov hiz tite legged ''trowsers.
hove and yanked at the things until at
asst thay yielded tn the universal law ov
natur', witch liz, viz: "Whur thair's viii
thair's a way" l next turned mi wurried
attenshuns tn the proper riggin' ov mi
pedal teguments. / stretched my feet intu
the citi feller's dancin' sleepers and
yanked on hiz hi-heeled stan-up collar,
wich awlmost reecled mi ears, and DOTTED
hiz hi plugg hat latter partin' mi hair in
the middle].
/ at wunce purceeded tn Squire Dodgers
tn sea Miss Sally An. Az mi jurney
reeched it's end the Squire's house cum
intu view. Mi hart was goin' awl ov a
bumpity bump and mi fsice wus az red az
white rose. | cum candy up tn the house
and the Squire at fust thot l wus the citi
Teller, for hiz i-site il failin' ov him
awful ov late, but upon putin on hiz spex
he reconized me and sed, "Howdy. sam.
Cum rite in and take cheer" Well, L
went in, az it wus natral fur eny yung
man tn du on SIGH occashuns, I suppoze,
and az thay wur nobody but the ole
Squire on the porchuco, started to go on
intu the house and hunt up Sally An, but
lest then recomembered ov heerin' sum-
boldly sa' it wus capertil idee tn cort the
ole foxes leetle, so tuck the proffered
cheer and staid long enuff tn exchaing a
flu wurds about the claps, and az started
intu the house manejed tn git off that ole
gag about the wether bein' hot, and
perceeded tn the kichin, for whur wud l
be more likely tn find Sally An than in
the kichin2
Bi this time mi stan'-up collar had riz a
flu inches, and mi hat (Which was most tn
big for me) wus maxim close proximity
! tn each luther. Howsumever, l maneged
sumhow tn git tn the kichin, an THAR wus
Sally An needin' doe for dinner.
| bowed jest az I had sean the citi Teller du,
an RACED mi hat az perlite az | cud, but
cudn't speek wurd, for mi hart jest
Jumped rite up intu mi mouth, and thaire
| / stud with that 1nfurnel collar jobbin
mi aural appendagiz, az it wur, and Sally
An offered me cheer, but mi trowsers
wus so tite wus Altered to set doun, so
| told her Jpn she wud exqueeze me wuo
stan up. q had hearn the city Teller sa
soamthin' O. that sort) Wei. l venturc
q flu remark about the wetE1r, for hac
eves-drapped and hearn yung cupples
talkin' about the wether. Bi and 81 go
off ioak on the citi Teller about farmin'
and az Sally An smiled at me mi har
bulged out at mi ize. Il felt like sas- ta'
tee sweetened with 1asses wus runn1n
| awls thru mi bones" Mi sole wus in
SWEET, as it wur. Az Josh Billings says
ssThair are times in life when man brake
luse from hisself, when he sees sperrets
when he can awlmost tuch the mune, ant
feel as tho he cud fill both hands with tn
stars ov hevin and awlmost sware he WI
bank president" Well, think tina
must bin what wus the matter with me
i. but the korse ov true luv never did rul
7 smooth. (This is Shakespeare's opinyun
tu.) Jest az wus duin mi best that cit
i Teller cum pokin' hiz long nozs intu tn
the Squire's house, and when he behelle
me in mi outfit he commenced larhn.
4 Wei, ], cudn't faice the musick, so
started off full tilt, a forgettin' awl abou
mi tite brfchez and hi-up collar, but sun
realized them fax, for az jumped on tn
porchuco mai trowsers busted wide open
and Towser that's the Squires old dog
he grabbed holt ov mi under clothin OPP
| perzit the sect of mi briches. witch had s
suddenly dislocated, an he pulled, gerke
and yanked at it till l run sum ~ or a
yards, in witch time that gol darned in
furnel collar had shaved mi ears clus o
tn my he'd, and az jumped the guardu
gate the upper rite hand corner ov ths
collar reeched aroun' and jammed mi noz
back intu the archaeological cavity ov n
nostrum, witch presses excavated Grim
zun culered flewid ca1led "blud, at th
site of wich ole Towser 'sheed the wrat
tn cum" / run to saif distunce an
, turned mi faice tn the East and behelle
the ruin that wus maid. Mrs. Dodger
ingurn bed wus seen of riot and devasts
shun. Mi hat wus hangin' on Il
+ guardun palms; the ground wus kivel
with domestick and dri goods. wei
! hoam a wizer and more conservative NAL
determined tn be successful next time
: bust.-iSans Jenkins, IN The american.
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