The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1889-03-16

PuN0ENT PARAchAV
Florida alligator hunters say snas'
the saurians will be looked upon
curiosities ten years hence. "A,
MAN seldom amounts TO mucn ury.-
ha oets married. And very often nis
usefulness fails to materialize tnen
Baltimore American. Il
--.Jaryis-"How true the proVerp =
that a man is what his wiie maA ).
him. Jervis-"And how true - ' ~
too. that a man does what hrs VINO
makes him. "-7srre Haute Express.
Husband (severely)-"What! moro
money! Suppose was deao-yo =.
would have to beg for your cash.
Wife (calmly)-''It wouldn't % -
though had never had any prac'l'0''
sir. ~ Chicago Globe.
Freshly (rising to go)-im SOL s"...
to break up your hand at WHIST MISS
Rosalie. but really I can't stay any
LATER Miss Rosalie-''O, never "ino'
Mr.. Freshly; I'm sure we shall ge' Oh
with dummy just as well. -A0'''''
Post. .,uh.a
AT a public dinner distinauisneo
statesman was placed between Mada1no
de- Stael and Madame Recamier. isow
lucky am" said he; "here am 4
seated between wit and beauty" lana
without possessing either one or mo
other" observed Madame de Staei.
Slavery times were recalled IN
Wilmington, N. c., the other day, wnen
two darkies got into loud dispute ana
almost came To blows, quarrelhng IN
regard to the social standing ana per.
sonal accomplishments OF the men bna'
owned them before the war.
Nothing better reveals the unsei-
fishness of clairvoyants than the fact'
that for paltry dollar they VIII re-
veal to others the lottery ticket that
will draw the capital prize instead OF
keeping the valuable information 10
themselves and protiting by it-Ds-
lroit Free Press.
why do you call the photograph
sshep'" asked the horse editor OF she
snake editor. who had used the lem
mine pronoun in speaking OF that In
vention. ssFor two reasons. First, it.
talks back; second, it always has the
last word. "-Patsburgb Chronicle.
wife CRITICALLY ilD-"What does
the doctor say, GeorgeP" Husband
THAT you are very, very i'll, dear.
Wife CATER short pause Ill should
not get we'll, George, give my stsalskin
sacque to your sister. III just lat her
see it's real. She has more than cnce
insinuated that it's only plush" -
Epoch.
He was determined to go out at
the end of every act. Three acts had
been played, and three times had he
scraped by and trodden on the feet OF
his neighbors. At the end of the fourth
act, as he went crashing through the
narrow space, a lady in the aisle seat
said. in her most dulcet tones: Sir
trust do not incommode you by sit
ting here!'-N. Y. Nescs.
The newest thing in wedding tours
IS called the "Secret Honeymoon"
neither bride nor groom having any
idea where they are going. The idea
is not new. For years many young
people have married without having
any idea where they were going or
how they were going to get there when
they did know. They didn't have
enough money to go to housekeeping
-Norristoun Herald.
Some of the s'chain' or progress
ive'' schemes for raising money would
have curious results II carried out
For instance, one Of them calls upon
mo. 1" to send ten cents. and send
the appeal to ten other persons, each
Of whom is to do likewise. the process
being repeated fifteen times. Now If
this ''chain" should not be broken it
would reach I'LL, Ill, Ill. Ill, 10 peo-
pie. an impossibility of course, and
would net the author of the scheme
Sill. III, Ill, HIN =. Tribune.
-Judge--.'Why did you attempt to
throttle your friend, herep" Prisoner
HE called me q liar" Judge
''What caused him to address that OBJ
probrious epithet to youg" Prisoner
III was telling him that my grand
father is still living at the age of 1O7.
and" Judge" That certainly
offered him no excuse" Prisoner-..T
was telling him that my grandfather
Is still living at the age Of 1O7. and
10y Judge-"That certainly offered
him no excuse" Prisoner-.'I went
on to say that my aged relative doesn't
retain his hearing, can't read without
the aid Of glasses and is not in the
habit OF walking ten miles or saving
three cords Of wood before breakfast. +"