The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1889-07-10
JUDGE BURNS SPEECH.
BY cECu.E GoHL.

Bother the speech wish to good
ness the Fourth Of July was over" Mr..
Jeffrey groaned as if all the sins of Chica-
go were loaded on his conscience. Pres
emily he remarked in calm voice to his
pretty young wife behind the tea kettle /:
Mrs. Jeffrey, these biscuits are a sue
cess" And when Mr.. Jeffrey had said
so, the last half of the seventh hot biscuit
with its thick coat of butter, reached the
place where the groan had come from.
But while stirring his fifth cup Of tea, he
said, with another groan
That speech will make me lose my
appetite You don't know how a fellow
! can be worried about his maiden speech,
Molliel You need not fret about such
things That's comfort, anyway
You need not worry either, jeff Ask
to be excused, if it bothers you. They
will invite somebody else to take your
place"
Won't do, Mollie! / was rather pleas
ed when the committee asked me, and so
I promised right away. 1t would look
bad to back out now"
Look here, VIII, suppose write that
speech for you, and you deliver it"
Oh, Moll, would not think of such a
thingl7
"Why not Why can't we help each
other in this, as in everything else ? The
one ofus that finds thing easier ought
to do it,"
It's great deal harder than you may
think"
L remember the time when l was
Mollie Ross. l thought it great deal
easier then TO dash of an Grafton than
to bake decent loaf of bread Well, shall
l write it for you ?"
No, thank you, Moll, It would new
er do, l am afraid. 4 fellow ought to
stand on his own ground. am bound
to do it all by myself" He looked the
picture of proud independence.
"All right, VIII. Do Just as you think
best" She seemed little humiliated.
"Never mind, Molly believe in
your biscuits and coffee and butter, and
lots of other things. You are about as
nice and good little wife as any fellow
could wish for but l would not have
you dabble in political speeches. st.
Paul don't approve of it either he add
cd, jocularly.
Il don't think St. Paul would object if
he could come back. So broad-minded
a man as he would be sure TO alter some
of his opinions for the use Of our times.
Besides, offered TO write in order to re-
lieve you, sir. A woman can write, and
still hold her tongue, and Keep below the
rostrum."
"Al right but you see, Molly, there
is another hitch. You can't argue that
away, if you tried ever so hard. ! don't
believe a woman can say all she has to
say in flee miuaes No speaker will be
allowed more than five minutes at the
celebration. Now a woman never knows
when to stop. She can't do it TO save
her life. Her tongue. will wag about
things in general for half an hour, and
by that time she generally is SO excited
you could not stop her any more than
you could stop watch that's wound up
for the day You would have to bust it
or throw it in the water; nothing less
violent could stop it"
"Do stop, JEFF, you horrid man. there
that's nice And /, who thought | had
tlained you well to think highly of me
and the rest of us women You will
have to be put through new and spec
ial course of training, sir. And as for
that speech, you may sigh about it as
much as you please, for all | care.
would not write that speech for you now
if you went down on your knees TO ask
me for it-no, sir you will have to write
it by your own proud SELF hubby"
The big bearded young hubby evil
IDENTIFY thought her mock anger good
joke.
"No, won't waste drop of ink on
it," he said We are just going to think
it over on the stoop, my pipe and |. l
guess | can see through it before to-mor-
row morning
When the roosters awoke Mr.. Jeffrey
next morning before sunrise he said :
Molly, you ought to have heard my
speech 1t went off like a rocket; the
people clapped like fury, and the fellows
yelled themselves hoarse. dreamed it
was Fourth of July, and my speech came
off first rate in four minutes fifty-fve
seconds. / do wish it had not been a
dream -