Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-07-22
A thoroughbred gentleman-The bak,

A thoroughbred gentleman-The baker.
The more lawn man has the mower he
wants.
No trouble about having hot debate
| in August.
The man in a peck of trouble is in II
measure to be pitied.
Every claim has been taken up in Okla
homa. That settles it.
The man who has never been wounded
by Cupid has had narrow escape.
Generally speaking, the less head man
has the more frequently he loses it.
If it's fair question, We would like to
know what it costs to board a train.
She-What kind of a typewriter do you
prefer? He think prefer blonde.
In Chill the street-car conductors are
all women. 1t is the fair that take the
fare.
1t is a remarkable fact that printers
ink makes everybody rich except printers
themselves.
Virgins says the ocean is drying up.
Glad to learn that something is drying up
this season.
The eleventh commandment, according
to General Tecumseh Sherman, lis to mind
your own business.
When a man undertakes the charge of
his wife's trunk, he generally finds that
he has a whole elephant on his hands.
{: =.
his statement, the town of Findlay, Ohio,
has an oily future before it as we'll as I'M
der it.
The man was disappointed who expect
ed to read something sensational in an
agricultural paper under the head of
narrowing"
Singerly-Jawkins, did you ever hear
me sing "Within a Mile o. Edinboro
Toon?" Jawkins-No, nor within a mile
of any other tune.
A Philadelphia man boasts that his
wife is mistress of five tongues The av-
erage man doesn't ask that his wife be
mistress of more than one.
Custom prohibits gray hair in Persia;
but it gets there just the same. Persia
must be paradise for the manufacture
ers of hair dyes.
Punctilious Traveler-Now,w what ought
little boys to say when Il gentleman gives
them a nickel for carrying his satchel?
Small boy-Taint enough.
In answer to the current question, How
long does mosquito live?' it may be
said that it all depends on the character
of the individual upon whom he lights.
The latest agricultural news. Jack Eek
citedly)-Mamma, you know that lemon
pit planted last year that came up pea
vine? Well, its got string beans on it.
Angry subscriber to edtor-I'm mad
all the way through, and L want my paper
stopped. Yes, sir; do you want to pay
what you owe? No; L amt mad enough
for that.
Whose face is printed on the ten dollar
greenbacks? asked Quigley of Bagley.
Blessed if l know, said Bagley. | never
look at the face as much as do the fig
ure.
Wife, said the old farmer, these ere
billed pertaters taste amazin' good; that
is, they're good if they amt the ones you
got of old Jones. His pertaters amt fit to
eat.
Old lady-My dear, do you really think
you are fit to become a minister's wife?
Engaged niece, from the West-Yes, in
deed. / don't mind being talked about
at all.
a man at Newton, Kansas, advertises
as follows: Wanted-A good six or eight |
room house by a family without children,
grandchildren, motber-in-law, grandpar-
ent, or hired girl with lover.
wealthy man ruined by new wheat,
read Mrs. Talkene. This is sad, she |
commented, but thousands of wealthy |
men are ruined by Old Rye, and the pa
pers don't say anything about it.