davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1889-04-13

Most of us are able to supply a rep
artee If we are given time 70 think it
over, but n repartee half an hour after
the occasion for it has passed Is like n
blank cartridge. II is the readiness of
the retort that makes it effective. The
great Russian soldier, Marshal Suvor-
off, was in the habit of asking his men
difficult questions, sometimes foolish
ones, and bestowing favors on those
who showed presence of mind in an
swering them.
On one occasion a general ofdivision
sent him n sergeant with dispatches,
at the same time recommending the
bearer to SuvorotTs notice. The mar
shall, rs usual, proceeded TO test him by
n series of whimsical questions.
"How far is it to the moon2"
1.-Two of your c~Xcellency's forced
marches" tho soldier promptly re
piled.
IF your men began to give way in
n battle, what would you dos"
I'D tell them that Just behind the
enemy's line there was n wagon load
of good things to eat"
How many fish arc there in the
seat"
Just as many as have not been
caught"
And so the examination went on,
till S%uvoroff, finding his new acquaint-
ance armed ut all points, at length
asked him, as n final poser, "What is
tho difference between your colonel
and myself"
THE difference is this" replied the
soldier, coolly. MY colonel cannot
make me a captain, but your excel
lency can"
Suvoroif, struck by his shrewdness,
kept his eye upon the man, and soon
afterward gave him the promotion for
which he had asked. Youths Com
panion.
, 1889-04-13
Live and Die on the Water.

l took a ride on the river this after
noon. Canton has about 800, 900 peo-
pie who live on the water, and there
Is no busier city in the world than this
city of boats. Crafts of all kinds, from
the small steamer, the great Chinese
junk and the river cargo boats to the
sampans and the little tubs rowed by
spoon like paddles, move here and
there, or dart in and out through for
ests of masts. Whole families live on
boats about twenty feet long and no
wider than the ordinary city vestibule.
Here children are born, grow up and
die.
q msTissos t~ao Piaoo aud the whole
business and actions of life 90 on.
Little children swarm over them, and
tots two years old with cues hanging
down their backs play about upon
their decks. The boys have little
round barrels or drums about n foot
long and six inches in diameter tied
by strings to their backs, and many
girls of the same size have nothing. II
the girl falls overheard it would be
good fortune to the poor family to get
rid of the expense of raising her, but
the boy must have his life preserver.-
Frank G. Carpenter.
, 1889-04-13
Hnrd on Our Funny Men.

A writer in The London Globe has
discovered "a trait peculiar TO Amer
lean humorists." He says: "When
the writer wishes to brighten the hui
NOR by a foil, he introduces us to the
little American child; and when we
find the little American child we know
that we are going to be treated to
specimens of quasi-naive profanity, or
insanity, which arc the moro objec-
tionable because they are invented by
adults, who are perfectly aware that,
unless they attribute them to innocent
children, all chance of tickling the
ribs of their readers is gone. Jokes
are undoubtedly made in the States as
they are in other countries. Humor
there certainly is among that great
and free people-mostly bad humor.
The H%aliburtons, Lowells and Hol-
meses are few and far between. Arte-
nus Ward, Bret Harte, Mark Twain,
Max Adelar, Stockton, the authors of
'Helen's Babies and "A Bad Boys
Diary aim lower, but give us gen
uine amusement of an honest kind.
But when these have been mentioned,
what names remain to be added2 Who
have they got to pit against the au-
thors of Vanity Fair, 'Pickwick,'
tain Lectures Alice in Wonder
Happy Thoughts The Jumbles'-
works Of great English humorists of
late yearsi And If Europe IS to be in
cluded, what of Murger, About, Sa-
phir and the -est2 Americas claim
cannot be allowed for q moment. In
the 'humor' of the paragraphists she
is rich. This 'humor' Is manufact-
ured by wretched men often with
wretched spelling out of wretched ma
~terinls n1Cnrrent Iitarntnro
, 1889-04-13
A FADING FAD.
Rapid Decline of the Rage After the Gro
tesque in Decorative Art

tesque in Decorative Art
Within the past few years, the rage
for the horrible and grotesque in dec
orative art has declined. It is n fad
ing fad, q rage that was consumed by
its own zeal. While it lasted, the
sanctuary of home took on the attri-
butes of q heather temple and the ugli-
est objects produced by pagan carvers
in wood and workers in metal were
given tho most honored places. People
of the most refined tastes did not hesi-
tate to thus transform their parlors, Ii
brary, reception hall and dining room
into so many museums in which veri-
table freaks were the most treasured
objects. The rage extended to car
wings, furniture, etc. Griffins in costly
woods, and hideousness generally was
depicted in prominent places of the in
terror, until the apartments, in many
instances, were nothing less than a
solidifled nightmare.
Tho extreme ugliness of these OBJ
jects dominated the beauty of the APP
pointments, and tho refined taste ex-
hibited in statuary, draperies of deli
cate hue and texture, paintings and
engravings were lost sight of in the
presence of some ~deformity in armor,
or some japanese warrior, life size, in
solid wood, and as homely as the late
Mr.. Crowley of Central park. The
motive at the bottom of this perverted
taste vas probably that phase of hui
man nature which makes one covet,
not his neighbours goods, but some
thing which his ncighbor has not, nor
is likely to have. This motive existed
for n short time only. When ugli-
ness vas procurable by the buyer of
average resources; when importers
and manufacturers could provide hid
eousness Mt reasonable figures, the
charm of ugliness was gone and the
fancy of the favored few took u differ
ent turn-a turn in n better direction.
There is but n slow market for outre
objects destined for tho adornment of
the home. Instead, there is moro re-
finement manifested in tho require
ments of buyers. The carvings that
adorn n costly mantel or beaufet
must possess grace, and If n caryatid
or a gargoyle or n griffin is TO form
part of tho permanent decorations,
1t is not ~insolent in its uglincss or ag-
gressive in the prominence of its po-
sition amid artistic surroundings. A
little ugliness nets Ms n foil for beauty,
but n wealth of grotesquerie has been
found oppressive and in poor taste.
The change is a gratifying one to all
lovers of the beautiful, and the end of
the reign of dcformities and freaks
will be mourned by none save those
that ransacked tho shops of China and
Japan for something hideous enough
TO crafty tho victims of tho fad which
Is fading away.-Pittsburg Bulletin.
, 1889-04-13
AMUslN
Anecdotes of Three Men Whose Wit Was
rs Amusing ms Their Cheek.

Anecdotes Of Three Men Whose Wit Was
rs Amusing rs Their Check
Nowadays acuteness Is deemed es-
sential to ucces in any direction, and
q certain amount of it does materially
aid in the accomplishment of a pur-
pose. But of a person reputed cute"
1t is advisable to beware, else one may
find himself unexpectedly involved in
difficulties of some kind.
While, for the greatest part, human
acuteness is tinctured with base ele-
ments, it may be exercised without in
jury TO the agent or object, merely to
exemplify a good nafured, though
keen wit.
A young man under examination
for admission to the University of Ed
inburgh, was asked if he studied logic,
and replied affirmatively.
You understand the difference be-
tween cause and c~ffecti" inquired the
professor.
lido"
Ibid you over know an instance
where the effect was in advance Of the
cause7"
Eyes, sir"
Mention it." said the professor, in
great amazement.
well, when a man pushes a wheel
barrow ahead of him"
On a certain occasion Rabelais de-
Bired TO visit Paris, but was destitute
Of the ear for so doing. He made
up three packages and marked them
POISON for the king" poison for
the dauphin," Poison for Mon
sieur-."
His landlord saw them, reported the
case TO the authorities, and he was ar
rested and taken to Paris. The con-
tents of the packages were analysed,
found to be brick dust and harmless.
Then Rabelais explained matters, and
the king was highly amused by the
ruse
In days gone by few southern law
yers were more distinguished than
Luther Martin. He was one day rid
ing to Annapolis in "a stage coach,
when his only companion-a young
man who had just been admitted to
the bar-addressing him, said:
Mr.. Martin, you have been won
derfully successful in your profess
sion Are you willing to acquaint me
with the secret of your SUGGEST"
IF you will pay my expenses dur
ing the few days that I shall remain
in Annapolis"
1 Will, was inc earnest
ut is in this advice: Deny every
thing and insist upon proof"
AT Annapolis, Mr.. Martin enjoyed
all the luxuries that a fine hotel could
furnish, regardless of expense, and,
when the time for his departure ar
rived passed the 'bill"-of enormous
proportions-to the young lawyer
who was standing near. The latter
merely glanced at it, and then re-
turned it to Mr.. Martin.
Aren't you going to pay itf" Mr..
Martin asked.
PAY what2"
This bill. Didn't you promise to
defray my expenses while 1 was in
Annapolis2"
MY dear sir" was the quiet reply,
81 deny everything and insist upon
proof"
The eminent lawyer paid his bill,
and laughingly said to the young man:
you need nc further counsel from
me."-Golden Days.
, 1889-04-13
A Question with Two Sides.

Mr.. Sheppard, the president of the
Philadelphia board of education, says:
lit is, in my estimation, q mistake to
put a woman in charge of q school. Not
that 1 would cast any reflection upon
those who now hold such positions, for
their duties are performed as we'll as they
can be by a woman; but in the very ma
ture of things O man would be better
qualified to hold the position, and to
bring up the pupils In the way they
should go, not only from an educational
point of view, but from q moral one as
well A man can reaso with q boy
about matters that some female teachers
would not care TO talk about" But, on
the other hand, a woman can reason
with a girl about some matters that a
male teacher would not care to talk
abouL-True Flag.
, 1889-04-13
He Pnid for the Err Dron.

a young lady employed at hotel
II Dixmont, HE, n day carelessly
left her ear drop in the sauce dish. 4
young man who dined there swal-
lowed one Of the "a drops with bis
sauce. 1t so happened that this win
ter the aforesaid young man pressed
young woman. When they settled
the young man was handed an en-
velope containing his pay. In the en-
yelope was a bill for s3 for the ear
drop he had swallowed, and money
accounted to make the account govd.
Chicago Tribune.
, 1889-04-13

Some interesting data respecting the
frequency of triplets in the human
race are being collected and elaborated
by DIR. B. Ornstien, late surgeon gen
eral of the Greek army. While on an
inspection tour through western
freece he discovered the fact that
triplets are more frequently found
there than in any other portion of that
Kingdom. Great difficulty is expert
enced, however, respecting informal
ton a to the ago reached by either or
all of the children.-New Orleans
Picayune.
, 1889-04-13
An on Friday.

Four gentlemen engaged in COM
merce in an eastern seaport city were
heated unbelievers in the common su-
RF SeF1 Sa1, r%eEfn5Ba aR Sot FFidfy Is "a an show nG,
their contempt Tor and explode the
silly notion. So they began to build
q ship on Friday, finished her on Fri
day, launched her on Friday, named
her Friday, hired q captain on Fri
day and sen her off to sea on Friday.
The ship was never heard from.-St-
Louis Republic.
, 1889-04-13

Ink stains are removed by the imme-
diate application of dry salt before the
ink has dried. When the salt becomes
discolored by absorbing the ink, brush it
off and apply more; wet slightly. Con-
tinue this till the ink is all removed.
, 1889-04-13
Buckiens ArnIca saIve.

The best salve in the world tor cuts,
bruises. sores, ulcers, salt rheum. fever
sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains,
eorns and all skin eruptions, and positively
cures piles or no pay required. Ii is
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction or
money refunded Price IS cents per box.
For sale by DR.. w. n. Hunt.
, 1889-04-13
What SCOTS Emulsion Has Done!
Over 25 Pounds Gain In Ten Weeks.
Experience OF Prominent Citizen
THE CALFoRsIA SoonErY o THKl
SUPPREssIor OF VICE,
san LnlY It'll 1884


THE CALHoRsIA SoorKrY FoR rHEl
SUPPRESSION OF VICE,
6As FRANCISCO. July It'll. 1881
/ took a severe cold upon
my chest and lungs and did
not give it proper attention
it developed into bronchitis,
and in the fall of the same
year / was threatened with
consumption. Physicians Or
dered me to a more congenf-
al climate, and 1 came to San
Fran cisco. Soon after my
arrival / commenced taking
Scott's Emulsion of Cod Liver
Oil with HypophosphiteS reg
ularly three times a day. In
ten weeks my avoirdupoiS
went from 155 to $50 pounds
and over; the cough mean
time ceased. c. r. BENNETT.
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
, 1889-04-13

Wien a person tells you they never had
such a cold in their lie take their word for
it and advise them to use Chamberlain's
Cough Rene y and cure it. For coughs,
colds q hoarseness it has no equal.
Sold by b. B. David, druggist.
, 1889-04-13

Mr.. Henry Valerius of Harper, Keokuk
county, Ia, has found what he regards as
a sure cure for rheumatism. He says:
I'm regard to Chamberlain Pain Balm,
| am pleased to say that l can recommend
it with confidence, and that it has done
more for me than any other medicine for
rheumatism. Of which | have been a great
sufferer" Sold by b. B. David. drug
gist.
, 1889-04-13
Why Is 1t

that people linger along always complain
ing about that continual tired feeling?
One bottle of Beggs' Blood Purifier and
Blood Maker will entirely remove this
feeling, give them a good appetite and
regulate digestion. Sold by w. N. Hunt,
druggist
, 1889-04-13

Iae largest stock of fine brandies, old
whiskies, choice Gqueurs and superfne
cigars at George Masten's well known
house, corner Sixteenth and Ferguson
streets.
, 1889-04-13

Wedding and visiting cards in grea
variety at the Leader Office.
, 1889-04-13

New goods arriving daily at f. S.
Johnston Il Bro.
, 1889-04-13

Boys Knee Pants from
Soc ssplcards at M..MarkS',
Eddy and 18th streets.
, 1889-04-13

Courtesy of Hyo. Archives & Histon
, 1889-04-13
Dr.. Vagler&Co.
sFHCIALIsTs


We offer no apology for devoting so much time
and attention to this much neglected class OF
diseases, believing that no condition OF human
ity is too wretched to merit the sympathy and
best services of the profession to which we be-
long, as many are innocent sufferers, and that
the physician who devotes himself
them from Worse than death, Is no less 3
philanthrophist and n benefactor to his race
plication excels IN any other b anch OF his pro-
fession. And, fortunately fol humanity the day
is dawning, when the false philanthrophy that
condemned the victims of folly or crime, like
the lepers under the Jewish law, to die uncared
for, has passed away.
YOUNG M E;N
Who may besuffering from the effects OF youth
ful follies or indiscretions, will do well to avail
at the alter of suffering humanity. DIR. WAC
NER will guarantee to forfeit five hundred dol
vate disease of any kind or character which he
undertakes and falls to cure
MIUDLE-AG
There are many men OF the age of 30 to 60 who
are troubled with too frequent excavations of
the bladder often accompanied by a Slight
smarting or burning sensation and a weaken
ing OF the system in "A manner the patient cam
not account for. On examining the urinary de
posits a ropy sediment will often be found, and
sometimes small particles of albumen will an
pear, or the color Will be of akin or milkish
hue, again changing to n dark and turbid ap-
pearance. There are many men who die of
tllS ullllCulty lBnOIhnl vi lHt Cattset Whlcn ~
the second stage of seminal weakness. DIR.
Wagner will guarantee a cure in all such
cases and n healthy restoration OF the genito
urinary organ. Consultation free. Thorough
examination and advice. $500.
See the Doctors additional advertisement in
the Daily Denver News and Tribune-Republi-
can.
All communication should be addressed
DIR. WAGNER & co.
l4l4 Larimere street. Address, Box 27Sa Den.
yer, Colorado.
Cut this out and take along
, 1889-04-13
LAND IN THE WEST.
UNCLE SANS BIG FARM, WHERE THE
PLOW HAS NOT YET BEEN.

How to Get n Homo Out of It-Methods
Of Obtaining n Title Under the Various
Land Acts-It Is Comparatively Easy to
Get $50 Acres
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1889-09-05
Minneapolis and Saint Paul
ExCURSIoNl

The Manitoba announces q series ri
cheap excursions to Minneapolis and St.
am our1ng the months OF August and
oep'elnoer account of Minneapolis expo
si1lon and Minnesota state fair The
a.e 'or the round trip will be one fair
with value of admission coupon added.
Inc attractions in connection with the
ABOVE events are more numerous than
any previous season. For the Minneap-
ohsexposltion, August Fl st to Sept. 2sth,
the famous 18th regiment band, of New
York city has been secured. Captain
raul boynton, the celebrated swimmer
ana Worldwide traveles, will give daily
'&molt'ons OF his life saving apparatus
ana educated seals; a genuine Japanese
village will be in full working order; lady
CADETS from the university will drill: all
nations will be represented in a magni6-
cent congress, and an imposing array OF
industrial and agricultural wealth will
Nil the commod1ous halls of the exposi-
ton building. For the Minnesota state
1a1r at Hamline, September 9th to 18th,
there will be seven days of Tracing, run
nlng and trotting; eight days of Texas
Vaqueros; national guard and grand
army, Sept. 10TH, military band with AZ
pieces, and many other attractions. Call
upon your nearest ticket agent for further
particulars.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1889-09-05
Order for Hearing Proof of Will.

CTATE OF MINNESOTA. COUNTY OF
y SrEARNS, SIS. In Probate Court,
special term August l7th, 1882
in the matter of the estate of Charles L.
Merry deceased.
WHEREAS, An instrument in writing,
purpOrting to he the last Will and Tesla
ment OF Charles l.. Merry, deceased, late
OF said county, has been delivered TO this
court.
AND WHEREAS, A. Barto of Stearns
CO., Mimi has filed Herewith his petition
representing among other things that said
Charles l.. Merry died at Langdon Dakota
on the 9th day of August 1889 test ate. bul
left property in Stearns Co. Mimi, and thai
said Petitioner is the sole executor
named III said Last Will and Testament and
praying that tie said instrument lie admit
ted to pl Obate and that letters teslameutary
be TO ;,iIn issued thereon.
1T is ORDERED, That the proofs of said
instrument and the said petition, be heard
before this court, at the Probate OF ce in
ID. 1889 al 9 "'clOck in the forenoon when all
concerned may appear and contest the pro-
bate of said instrument
AND If Is FURTHER ORDERED, that
publ lie notice of the time and place of SAID
hearing be given 10 all persons interested,
by publication of these orders for three
weeks successfully previous Id said day Of
hearing, In the Sank Centre HERALD week.
ly newspaper printed and published at the
city of Sank Centre, in said county.
Dated at ST. Cloud, Mimi, the 18th day of
August, A. d. 1889.
L. s.. BY the Court,
NJ. HOGAN, THEo BRUENER
Attorney. Judge OF Probate.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1889-09-05
OUR WASHINGTON LETTER,

WASHINGTON, D. c., Aug. 80, 1889.
Editor Herald:
Senator Ingalls,, who is now here, is
puzzling his friends He is working in a
rather secret and mysterious manner at
some sort of a project; some think he is
gathering material for series of power
tul speeches in the senate this winter,
while othere believe he is doing some i'm
portant work. 1 think the latter are
more likely to be right, because, aside
from the senator's we'll known literary
bent, he is probably not ayerse to earn
ing some money by his pen. He is not a
rich man, and the burning of his Kansas
residence last year YVES heavy financial
blow to him. Fortunately the senator's
literary ability is such that anything he
writes is eagerly sought by the leading
publishers.
Senator Manders On s letter to Commits
sioner Tanner declining to accept the in
| crease in his pension to which it was re-
Gently decided by the pension office he
was entitled, until he had been re-exam-
ined by a board Of surgeons and his
right to it fully demonstrated, is just the
sort of manly document that those who
know him might have expected under
the circumstances. Charlie Henderson
is not the sort of man to take anything
that he is not clearly entitled to, and his
letter must have made those fellows who
have been dropping insinuations about
official influence having been used in his
case feel rather cheap.
Assistant Secretary of the Treasury
Batcheller laughed when he was show II
the story of a Wall street combine to
force the treasury to pay more for bonds
and if it declined to do so to bring ON a
financial panic. "You can say" said the
secretary, Gin the most positivelanguage,
that there will be no financial panic I'M
der the present administration, and that
at present it is getting about all the
bonds it wants at the regular price and
does not propose at present to pay
more"
The extra session talk has taken fresh
start here. Every other man YOU meet
is now certain that an extra session will
be called to meet the latter part of Octo-
Der. This would enable those members
who wish to take part in the November
elections to do so notwithstanding bus
mess, as after the election OF speaker
nothing can be done by the House until
the committees are announced, and to
select and arrange them will take the
speaker at least two or three weeks.
Representatives Row ell of Illinois, and
Peters of Kansas, have gone to Louisiana
to take part in the campaign now going
on IN the third district of that state to
elect successor to the late Representa-
tive Gay. They will remain until the
election takes place, and will doubtless
obtain some information that will be
useful to them when some of the southern
contested election cases are under con-
sideration by the house.
The census bureau will occupy it's new
building about September Is, and until
after that time Superintendent Porter
las given notice that he will see neither
applicants for positions nor their friends
The local republican organizations are
naki-g lively kick against being left
tut In the cold by the new district COM
nissioners.