Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1889-04-01
TWO SMALL TABLES. /,
Tho Old Joke and tho BumoFiat, and the
Story and tho Newspaper Man.

An Old Joke once hobbled into the
padded room infested by the Profess
sional Funnyman of Newspaper.
while writing his daily grist Of original
selections from the ancient humorists.
This Compiler of the Pleasantries Of
the Past was busy Revamping joke
which the late Joseph Miller, Esquire,
introduced on the last page of his
justly celebrated work merely to ''fll
up" but he glanced up cheerfully IS
the Old Joke dragged himself in.
Sir" said the Old Joke. in feeble
accents, 81 am cast out and deserted
by all; did not even get into the
Boston almanacs this year; take me in
and use me in to-morrow's issue, or I
diel"
':And that burst not do" replied
the Humorous Pay. Though am
man of Ancient Humor and ac-
quainted with aged wit, still can not
use you; 'twould cost me my job; even
now they say the proprietor turns from
my column to the obituaries for relief.
You know you were old when the
foundation Of Rome was laid"
81 was contemporaneous with our
first parents in the Graden of Eden"
answered the Old Joke. proudly. am
the Wandering Jew among jokes. Still
it Is hard to be left without q place to
lay my head at this late day"
1T is," admitted the Jester, putting
his mucilage brush in the inkstand.
six months ago." unused the Old
Joke. half speaking to himself. 81 had
hope of getting another engagement
with the London Punch. But it can
not be; am cast out from my natural
home"
at is sad, returned the Jocularity
Gentleman, "but will tell you what
you can do. Go to one of our popular
after-dinner speakers, Congressman
orretired army officer preferred. get on
his staff and you will be all right. He
will tell you on all occasions, and
newspapers that scorn you now will
print you as new, on the strength Of
your patrons Endorsement"
A moment later the Old Jokes
crutch was heard sounding along the
passagewny which led to the elevator.
At another time, a Newspaper Man,
who had ceased being q journalist
nearly forty years before. was busy at
his desk. He had that night
edited page of Stuff, written
two columns of Good Matter. and
reviled his pipe twenty times
because it would not draw. He
was abusing the tobacco, saying that
it was inferior to that procurable be.
fore the war. when certain Story
entered.
Good evening" said the Story.
Hello" said the Sharper of Public
Opinion.
II am story" said the caller, "be-
longing to Mr.. Jags Giblets. the cele-
brated parlor and platform humorist.
My chief does not write his stories
for publication. but thinks up good
things like me, and nightly tells
them to large audiences. I am
the leading story in his collec.
tion, and l may say, and say it modest
ly. that I have brought him much rep.
utation and large barrel Of scads.
Thousands have roared over me and
pronounced my owner the funniest
man on earth. Honestly, now, am ]
not Il good storyP"
II can truly say that 1 think you
are" replied the manipulation of the
lever that moves the world, as he put
u dispatch about a man who voted for
General Harrison's grandfather in the
waSte basket; ives, you are most
excellent story, the best, ] believe,
that ever heard. Indeed, were but
an ungrateful father should say
! otherwise, forI wrote you myself over
thirty years ago. OF course you are
good; l never write any thing that
isn't good"
! Two hours later, when the Man with
the Throbbing Brain first looked up,
he noticed the marked absence Of a
! certain Story Y. Tribune.
. e>-------
His System Needed Change.