The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-01-04
STRAY SUNBEAMS.
Gathered as They Sparkle From the
Pen of HumOr.

Pen of Humor.
The man who sleeps in church has q
nod idea of his immortal soul.
When Mrs. Mackey gives dinner to
the Prince, she has nine different kinds
of pie.
There is one place where busybodies
seldom stick their nose in," and that
is hornets nest.
The woman you can call a poem is
not the woman you can call early in
the morning to get breakfast.
One thing can be said in favor of the
ice man. If he has any left over he
doesn't warm il up for breakfast.
A woman's beauty is most perfect
when 1t is backed up by intelligence.
A newspaper hustle is just the thing.
In race for the prize of being called
belle of the ball, it is frequently neck
and-neck finish with society beauties.
"Your morse has tremendous long
bit" said a friend to a noted wag.
"Yes," he responded, it is . bit too
long,"
Stranger-Does Mr.. Jones live on
this floor? Musical young lady-No,
sir his room is an octave higher, in the
next fiat.
Ruth was not a designing woman,
and yet she managed to get as good
Boaz any of the other girls who both
sewed and reaped.
1t must be exasperating to the city
beau to read about counting by the
gate, when he has nothing to lean
against but the scraper.
Hotel Proprietor 1--WE don't allow
any games of chance here" Gambler
I" This isn't a game of chance. My
friend here has no chance"
A glass bottle factory is to be estab-
liShed in Atlanta, Ga. There is a large
local demand in the South which this
enterprise expects to supply.
If people who mean to begin to read
should read all the advice to readers
about reading, they wouldn't have time
to read anything else.
A convict with ball and chain
attachment, gave as an excuse for not
taking a summer vacation, that he WAS
too closely tied to business.
"That is genuine butter" remarked
the oleomargarine man, as he gathered
himself up off the ground after the
goat had got through with him.
The chronological Journal says: {" In
choosing a wife, he governed by her
CHM A man is apt to. be governed
by the same thing after he gets a wife.
Even pious souls are sometimes
tempted to lapse into the wantonspirit
of the little maiden who prayed:
:" Please, Mr.. God, I'm tired O. bein'
made good-won't you kill PAP"
How long has Brown been married,
Charley "Didn't know he was mar
ried at ALL / don't believe he is either"
Yes, he is; | NOTICED him turn pale
when the clock struck eleven"
Belle" Ma, do you know what cafe
au lait is?" Mrs. Mushroom" No, 1
don't know exactly, darling; but sup
pose cafe au lay is coffee with an egg
in it,"
Mrs. Gubbins says she never allows
her boy, Jim, to eat jam, for her hus-
band died of the jim-jams, and she
don't propose to run any chances with
the boy.
There is one advantage about the
big, short-measure silver dollar
Thieves do not take them in large
quantities where the transportation is
limited.
The meanest man so far ON record
lives in New Haven. His wife asked
him to give her pet, some animal
that would stick to her, and the next
evening he brought home leech.
A little three-year old undiscovered
neighbours hen scratching in the gar
den, and running into the house she
said to her mother in a most indignant
tone: Ma. that hen next door is
wiping her feet on our grass!"
Judge" Have you anything to say
before the court passes sentence upon
you?" Prisoner :" Well, all l got to
say u.s. hope yer honor II consider the
extreme youth and greenness of my
lawyer, an let me off easy
Adirondack Murray the eccentric
preacher, is married again. His boosted
knowledge of How to Cook a Beef
steak" will now serve him agood turn,
but the chances are that he will expect
his wife to furnish the steak.