Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-08-21
SOMEWHAT AMUSING.

AN editors pistol being stolen, oe adver- tised tbat If the thief would return 1t he would give him the contents and no ques tions asked.
 A CHEERFUL employment IS indicated by the advertisement in a London paper:- Lady wanted to draw at home orlglnal de signs for coffin furniture"
 A LITTLE seven year-old boy who had been with his mother to an evening sociable told his nurse when he arrived home that "the whole place was lemonaded with kalsomine lights"
 ACCORDING to a correspondent of the New York Times, Buncombe County, N. C., has new postmaster who can not read. When asked for letters he produces the bundle and tells the interrogator to take those ad- dressed to him.
 A FOND parent in Massachusetts wishing to assist his little son to make up purse agreed to pay hlm one cent for every potato buS he would capture. At the close of the first day the child had six hundred and forty bugs The father paid the six ollars and forty cents, but the contract did not con- tinue.
 THERE is story going through the papers | that some children had discussion concern | ing church services. One youngster who had reached the mature age of seven said: : "I'd just like to know what preaching is fort" "Oh, don't you know," inquired his tive-year-old sister; 'it's to give the singers | Q rest, of course"
 A BUTCHER's boy went to deliver some meat at house In New Castle where a | fierce dog was kept. The lad entered the back yard, and, as the dog saw him, he pinned him against the wall. In 0 short time the mistress of the house ran out and drove the animal away. 'Has he bitten yous" she asked. ''Noa" said the lad {; ''aa kept him off by giving him your suet, and ye just cam in time to save the beefv'
 AN Irish counsellor, having lost @ case which had been tried by three judges, one of whom was esteemed 0 very able lawyer, and the other two but indifferent, some of the other counsellors were merry on the occasion. Well, now,'' said he, land who could help it, when there were 8 hundred judges on tho bench!" "A hun dred," said bystander; "there were but thrce." ''By St. Patrick" replied he, "there was figure of one, and two ciphers'
 A DREssY young man went to secluded portion of the Rutter Grove shore at Scran ton, Pa., the other night for Q moon light bath in the river. His ecstatic splash ings caught the attention of tramp, who softly divested himself of his seedy attire, robed himself in the swimmers garments, which chanced to fit him admirably, and then vanished from the moonlit scene. When the swimmer came out he was speeches. for a minute, and, having no other resource, he put on the tatters and stole homeward through cornfelds and across barb-wlre fences.
 A YOUNG lady was once present at Q musical party where the lion of the even- ing was a celebrated flute player. After he had. performed this young lady was pres ented tO him and there was n general silence in the room, which added to her natural embarrassment. She felt that she must say something pleasant, SO, with a happy smile, she exclaimed: ''Oh, how de lightful you playf Do you ever accompany yourself on the piano!" The artist looked at his flute, then at his fingers, shrugged his shoulders, bow low and said .Never." After moment she saw why every body laughed.