Homer guardian. (Homer, La.) 1888-1890, 1889-03-08
II Ola az L.
Friday = Mar s, 1889.
Not Married.

He has an experience widely
dissimilar.
The first business of his life
must be to learn how to sew on
buttons, and how to manage his
clearinghouse mistress.
He must also learn that a hot
soap stone is necessity On cold
nights, and that when he is mad
he will have to swear at himself
and be satisfied.
He feels 30 interest in the best
way to build a house. He does
not stop in the biting cold of
Christmas week to look into the
shop windows TO see what he
thinks his wife would like for a
Christmas present. lie does not
go home at nights with his peck
cts stuffed full of toys and bon.
bons for the children.
His whlskers are never stickey
with molasses from tile fingers of
the demonstrative young rascals
who climb on his knees to kiss
him with q wad of molasses can
dy in one hand, and tease him for
new tops and "a sled like Jim
Johnson's."
He can stay out at night as late
SO he pleases; there is nobody to |
care or question why.
lie does not know the aspect of
q mllliner's bill. He is never ask
ell to take up a carpet, or set up
stove.
He does not have to 60 down to
the pump in the still hours Of The
night to get some water for one of
the children.
He has the whole bed to him.
self, and can sleep in the middle
OF it, and turn over fifty times if
he wishes and has no one com
planning that he has pulled allthe
bedclothing onto the floor.
He can snore. He can talk in his
sleep.
He can lie abed until 10 o'clock.
and no fault found;' that is, If he
pays his board promptly and
don't grumble at the hash.
He can smoke all he wants to.
and drink champagne without the
risk Of an inquisitive nose scent
ing breath, and a plaintiye voice
wanting to know "what he can be
thinking of drinking that expen-
siye wine, and those poor children
suffering for shoes and under. fan.
nels!r
He never had a mothcrinlav.
He is never called on to help his
wife's poor relatives. He is never
jealous. Handsome men have 10
.errors for him. lie does not have
to get his life insured for the ben. {
eft ofhis wife, that che may start
out in good style with her second {
husband. He can eat onions. He
can leave his old boots on the bu,
reau. lie can run for congress
without fear that the opposition
party will accuse him of beating :
his wife. He has no ungratcful c
sons to call him the ''old man" 7
and the governor. He has no
\
pretty daughters to elope with the
coachman. There are no pug dogs, y
nor poodlcs, nor ladies' maids to
board in his establishment.
There is nobody to put his things /
out of place; all his belongings
will be handy-just hung up on
the floor. He needn't have to hunt
Tor them, because he knows just ;,
where they are. Nobody has pick.
ed them up orcarried them of into =
the attic, under the miserable pre-
text OF tidylng the room.
Oh, the unmarried man has q "
great many compensations; and
We hope he appreciates them; and
le ought to be happy in his mo
nents by the reflection that his q
wife cannot show disrespect to his q
memory by filing his place six tx
months after his burial with
lew husband.-Ec.
hat is an orphan?" asked :,
he teacher of the class in detini. =
ions. Nobody seemed to know.
Well, I'm an orphan said the
eaeher, seeking an illustration :,