Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-02-23
LIES BRIGHTENERS.

HARD to beat-The egg of roo.
THE prettiest thing in veils-Fa
SOMETHING you can't see through
A glass eye.
IT must have been a corn doctor who
sat at the feet of Gamaliel.
You can never judge mans SORROW
by the signs of his hat band.
IT was long, dark day when Adam
got left-the day in which he saw no
Eve.
MATCHES are made in heaven. It's
the ups and downs of this life that ig-
nights them.
DANCING is poetry of motion, and no
poetical young man can see pretty
girl dancing without wishing to second
the motion.
ARTIFICIAL eggs are manufactured in
Pennsylvania town. The inventor
probably wanted to help the hens to
bear their yolk.
"THERE is nothing 50 aggravating as
! jealous husband" said married
woman; "but there's nothing so humili-
ating as husband who is not So"
A LITTLE girl in the Warren street
school the other day, being asked, in
the grammar class, to give the plural
of Child" promptly replied twins"
MISS DAsH-O, by the way, Mrs.
Highmind, have you heard the latest
slang expressions? Mrs. Highmind-
I suppose so, dear. You have been here
almost an hour.
A sEA-sERpENT sixty-three feet long,
with the head of catfish covered with
scales and barnacles, has been caught
in. the tropics. This is another triumph
of hook and lynn.
HUNGRY guest-How this? I Or
dered steak and poached egg, 1
see the egg, but where is the steak?
Table attendant--Dats all right, sab;
de steak am under de egg.
"ENGAGED to Nellie, eh?" eyes.
Shrewd GIRL" "How 500" made
her father present of a motto yes
terday." "What was the sentiment?"
$50 ia, and no father. "-Chicago
Ledger.
MIsTREss-Do you like your steak
rare, Mr. Buster? Buster-Well, I
suppose I ought to by this time, for
since I have boarded with you it's ap-
pearance on the table has been rare, at
any rate.
A POET is born not made. This is
lucky for the poet. If the populace
caught him in the act of making him
self there would be an injunction served
on him so quick that it would make
his head swim.
"Why, 'Lijah." said the farmer, dis
covering the old man in his hen house,
II never expected this of you. al
ways thought you were as honest as the
day is long" Deed I is, sah," re-
piled the old reprobate. "Yo' mus re-
member dat de days am gettin' short. F"
"THE reason why the Dying Gladi-
ator is so much admired, Ethelred, is
because he keeps his mouth shut.
He is very different from our modern
gladiators, who go all over the country
blowing about what they are going to
do as soon as they get into condition.
"WELL, my boy" he asked cheer
fully at the breakfast table the morn
ing after Cholly had taken the i'm
po.tant leap, chow did things go last
evening? Did she smile on your pro-
posal:" No." said CholIy family,
pushing away breakfast roll. "She
smiled at it.
CHARLIE-Blanche,d dear, wish you
wouldn't wear that terribly low cut
dress again that you wore at the ball
last night. Blanche-Why, Charlie?
You always said before we were mar
ried that I looked lovely in it. Charlie
Yes, dear; but it's different now. I'll
causes remarks. Young Thornton said
to me last night: IL see your wife's
back from Brookline.
APPLICANT for place-Well, I don't |
know, mum. You have a very large
family, and I'm afraid I couldn't do the |
work. 1 suppose you have great trouble
keeping girls, don't you? Sharp |
Housekeeper-Yes indeed. There is q |
big factory full of handsome young
men near here, and every one of my
servant girls goes off and gets married. !
ooh! Well, I'll try it."
THE sEALSKIN sACQUE.
You may talk OF your sweet pretty faces,
OF your beadwork, your velvet and gold
OF your loveliest lovely of laces,
And the power of wealth untold.
But what are they all put together,
To crowd on Q fair creatures back?
Why, nothing. Though warm be the weather,
Men worship the sealskin sacque.
'Tis the garb Of the fair goddess Venus,
In the omnibus, car, or the shops,
To get the fair object between us
Every man Of us CALAMITY hops,
No matter If age be beneath it,
Or witless young maid with her clack,
We worship the form If you wreathe it
In tho folds of sealskin sacque.
THOSE LOCUSTS.
II