Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1889-11-30
WORK OF THE WITS
A MILK shake chasing a COW.

A MILK shake chasing cow.
In small business-The dwarf.
THE bootblack is a shining member
of society.
The way of the transgressor is to
shin over into Canada.
The police and tramps fraternize boz
cause both are on the beat.
WHEN man has cataract, it is
cruel to dam his eyes any further.
"DID you ever fall in love?" yes,
but | got out-with the assistance Of
her father"
A HEARTLEss punster reports that
London society is a good deal cut up
by Jack the Ripper.
| DoCToR-Your child, madam, has an
unusually large head. Mrs. Soak-Ies.
He inherits it from his father.
DRUGGIsT-Have any calls last
night? Night Clerk (absentIy
and lost six dollars on pathush.
The Toronto GIoJe tells of man
who has cooked his own beefsteak for
fifteen years. He must like it very
well done.
"PA, what is n blanket mortgage p
asked Johnny Cumso. 1T is one which
keeps a man warm working to pay it,"
replied Cumso.
LYMAN doesn't seem to be succeed
ing with the Blowcr of late" mo;
his circulation has fallen off since he
joined the church
TRAMP-I have scarcely a rag to my
back, mum; can't you help me outP
Lady Certainly, sir; here's the rag
bag, help yourself
is THERE anything man cannot
do?" asks an exchange. We have
never yet found man who could
scold the children with his mouth full
of pins.
Lawyer-And You assert that tho
prisoner worked on farm since he was
born. Witness-les, sir Lawyer
What did he do the first year? Wit
ness-He MIXED.
LET me rule France, " says its Presi-
dent, "ard Carnot who make its laws"
n. Bills name is pronounced Carno,
but we won't let little thing like that
interfere with pun.
YoUNG Wifo-Ach! how fortunate I
am in possessing husband who always
stays at home in the evening! Bosom
Fliend-Yes: YOUR husband never was
much addicted to pleasure.
SAID the flaxen haired maiden to tho
dapper young man behind the counter:
Have YOU any nice, soft muslin that
will suit my complexion and hair?"
Clerk" Bleached or unbleached ?"
"Ir's always a relief to me when it
comes time to pay off Bridget" said
Mrs. Howoskeep. "Why?" inquired
her husband. because that is the only
time when l feel positive that she does
not employ me-
AT foreign railway station: "Guard,
can ! smoke in this carriage?' NO; it
is against the rules. Then, where do
all these cigar ends on the floor come
from?" From smokers who have not
asked permission"
Il SAY, Tommy! Tommy where arc
you?" "Hcre, mamma i'll the garden
Great heavens, Tommy Whatever
are YOU doing there, up to your knees in
mud 2" why, mamma, I've just plant
ed myself, and you'll soon see me
grow"
Now, REMEMBER, Belinda" said
Mrs Sharply to her daughter, just
married, evidence in anything is most
uuladylikc. OF course, you will some
times disagree with your husband but
always hit him with the soft end of tho
broom"
LOVELY Daughter-Why do you so
object to Mr.. De Poor? Is it not better
to live in a cottage with one You love
than TO dwell in a palace with ono
YOU hate? Practical Father-1es, my
dear, very much better; but he hasn't
the cottage,
, SIGNING FOR HOME.
Home" was the word that he Whispered low,
As over his form ihoy Bonded;
Dim his eyes once brilliant glow,
His journey was surely oudcd.
Home" lie Whispered and raiscl his head
| From the nrm where ii vas reclining,
And with wistiUl longing he word lie said
That was iUll Ct unspokcn pninG
Home" he whispered; but useless quite
Was his ri II the police grew harder;
| In the station thcy locked him up nil night
And charged linn with drunk and disorder
--ncTcIsoHt Irdu,ttr.