Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1889-11-13
If lie were a Woman.
WHAT BOB BURDETTB WOULD Do IF He
WERE OF THE GENTLER SEX,

WHAT BOB BURDETTR WOULD Do IF He
WERE OF THE GENTLER SEX
What would do if were a woman
Wouldn't try to be man. Cut that out
and peste it on your looking glass, daugh-
ter, it will be an ornament of grace I'M
to thg head and chains about thy neck
many lines day.
Iwouldn'r shudder and groan every time
the name of the Monster was mentioned,
but would studiously avoid acquiring the
lightest of his many accomplishments and
the best of his manifold ways.
would never learn to lay fire, IN range
or fireplace. Every time touched fire
summer or winter, would put it dead out
Then I'd never be expected to make one.
The first loaf of bread baked l would
let drop on the dog and kill him. Then I'd
never be asked to bake bread again. I'd
get a new dog.
When / descended into the laundry l
would manage to bring out all the fancy
hanDels white as ghosts, and all the white
shirts as blue as the skies of June. Then
I'd never be asked to assist at the washtub
again.
I would pinch every baby that was given
me to hold black and blue in half dozen
places before it could catch its breath
enough to shrek, and / would brighten the
life or tease the temper out of anybody's
children whom I was asked to amuse.
Then I'd never be troubled with other peo-
ple's young ones, and nobody would ever
ask me to teach the infant class while the
tired teacher took vacation.
If had to sit on the front seat when ask
ed to drive l would carry large sun UNI.
brella and gouge the drivers eyes out and
run the team into fence corner the first
mile out. Then I'd get the back seat on
the shady side every time ever afterward.
would always sit sideways on q street
car. Then I would have plenty of room.
I would wear carriage dress in the
street car if I had no other place in which
to show it off.
would smash something choice and ex.
pensive every time I swept room OF
busted parlor. Then I'd hever be asked
to do such work.
In church would never rise during the
singing and never kneel during prayers.
Then people would notice me and say,
"Who is that pretty girl with such lovely
eyes2"
at the theatre I would wear the biggest
hat obtainable.
At cricket and lawn tennis matches !
would sit in the,front row and raise my
parasol.
/ would cultivate such charming help
lessness, such hopeless innocence, such
pretty. childish ignorance, such fascinating
dependence, such dainty baby ways that
people would say, "Oa, we must take care
of her; she doesn't understand these
things.'' Then, all my life long would be
petted, and coddled, and fonded, and car
ed for in Thousand ways, where more in.
dependent women have to ''hustle for them
selves"
That is, daughter, if other women would
care for such sweet lit le bit of helpless
ness. May be they would. You know
better than 60 how women regard thai
sort of woman.
But, you can gamble your peace of mind,
your love of ease, md all your enjoymenti
of life, that the M nster Man would It tor
ment the solitude If such a woma with
his presence To- ger than day or two, an6
ste would thus be spared one of the gre t
est annoyances to which womankind is sub
jected.