The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-09-12

| reason"
This is true story and the reader can
draw the moral from it,. L, Harbour
IN The Yoitth's Companion. ..,..
BowsER sHAvEs HIMSELF.
"Mrs. Bowser, do you know how much
time the average man consumes per
week in getting shaved p queried Mr..
Bowser, as he entered the house the 9th
er evening with parcel under his arm.
II do not" ....... ....
"Well, figure it an hour and half,
to say nothing of the expense: One also
runs many risks by shaving In public
place."
"Yes." f..
"And shall hereafter shave myself.
l can do 1t in seven or eight minutes, at
cost of less than two cents, and run
no risk of barber's itch or having my
throat cut by some lunatic"
"Well, hope you'll make success of
it, but" ....
"There you go. Did l ever attempt
anything you didn't discourage
"But you know you tried it twice and
gave 1t up and threw your outfits away
in disgust"
"And why Because some one Us ed
my razors to cut kindling wood !"
"Mr. Bowser y
cat least it appeared that way to me.
And l got lame arm, and we went off
on visit, and there were several other
reasons. From this time forwald d shall
shave myself, and l shall begin after
supper"
After supper he prepared himself with
three towels and quart of hot water
and went up stairs to begin operations.
l crept softly up and took seat on the
landing just as Mr.. Bowser had removed
coat and vest aud collar and was mixing
the lather. While he was soaping his
face heard him growl several times,
and afterward ascertained that it was
caused by his jibbing the brush into his
eyes and mouth by mistake. About one
half of the lather was deposited on his
shirt front before he got through. He
was just seventeen minutes getting ready
for the razor, and when he took it up
heard him mutter /:
"Ths thing handles mighty awkward |!
If that fellow has gone aud sold me a
left-handed razor I'll prosecute him to
the last ditch y
He held it in various positions to get
"the hang" and when he finally got it
he made careful motion along his right
cheek. To his great surprise and delight
he didn't cut his head off. On the con-
trary, he shaved off whole spoonful of
lather, and heard him chuckling:
"Egad ! But I'm getting there with
both feet No barber could beat that ~
Mr.. Bowser wears mustache and is
very proud of it, At the third or fourth
scrape along his cheek one end of the
mustache got in the way of the razor
and share of it was carried overheard,
so to speak.
"By thunder" gasped Mr.. Bowser as
he regarded the damage, and he careful
ly washed all the lather off that side to
closer inspect the calamity. Investiga
tion proved that the damage was not be-
yond repair, and he renewed the lather
and went ahead. ...-. ...
In the course of the next fifteen miu-
utes Mr.. Bowser must have removed as
many as two hairs from his face, and he
uttered fully 100 sighs and grunts. He
tried the razor in his right hand and in
his left, and in every conceivable posi-
tion, and he brushed on the lather until
hoe would scarcely have scraped it off.
you see," heard him saying to him
self, "a fellow has to fool around awhile
to get confidence 10 himself. Iexpected
it would take me about half an hour this
time, but inside Of week I'll make a
clean shave inside of five minutes. There
that's good job"
He wet towel and wiped the Iather
off his face and took look in the glass.
Go 70 ba
could see he had not removed one single
beard. He had scraped off the lather,
but the beard was still there. He
growled away for a while and then
mixed fresh lot of lather and brushed
it on, and after satisfying himself that
the rszor's edge was all right by cutting
a hair pulled from his head, he laid it
against his chin. He gradually turned
it up and began to scrape, and l heard
him softly saying
Nov, then, I've got the real hang of
1t. l was carrying it too fiat, There's a
trick" .-
Two things suddenly happened. He
cut the left corner of his mustache
off and gashed his chin at the
same stroke, and the next instant he
bounded out into the hall and shouted
for me. 't..
"Well, what is it ?" asked as rose
up.
"Look here I'm fatally wounded I"
he cried, as he danced around the room
"Let me see. Why, it's nothing but a
slight out. Let me wash the lather off. ("
1t was lively cut. and it bed freely
for a quarter of an hour, during which
time Mr.. Bowser did great deal of sigh
ing and grOaning, and forgot about his
mustaobe. When l had plastered up
the cut he returned to the glass, discov-
cred that his mustacke was lop-sided,
and wheeled on me to exclaim
Look at it Look at that, Mrs. Bow
ser ~ ...... ., ....
eyes, you haggled your mustache. I'll
get the shears and trim it off," ..-.
Never ! Keep right away from me |
Mrs. Bowser, your plot has been discov.
cred ~
Don't be so foolish, Mr.. Bowser. l
told you didn't believe you could shave
yourself" .. -r.i -. .
at is all as plain as day, now |" he
coniinued, as he upset the lather cup and
walked through its conte nts, "you proba-
bly, figured that I'd cut my throat You
were sitting at the head of the stairs to
catch my death rattle |" sra.
"Did tell you to bring home that ra.
zor Didn't try to discourage you from
shaving ?" '..',.....'.
He turned from me without a reply,
and | went down stairs. He came down
after about half an hour. He had been
obliged to sacrifice third of his mus
tache to get 1t in proper shape again, and
the lather, which had gotten into his
eyes, gave him the appearance of having
wept for week, r..
TITS too bad" said, breaking long
and embarrassing silence.
"Oh, 1t is, is ii 2" he sneered in reply.
TOO bad that I'm not lying a headless
corpse up stairs, and you figuring on my
life insurance !" ... ... .I
"Well, it's no use to talk to you, Mr..
Bowser."
"Not bit, Mrs. Bowser. You had a
plan. checkmated it. You stand re-
vealed in your true light as would be
BorSia or worse. This is the last straw,
Mrs. Bowser--the very last. In the
morning we will talk business"
But when morning came he didn't
have a word to say. l found his shaving
outfit in the side yard, where he had
thrown it from the window, and the girl
is now using the razor to peel potatoes
Detroit Free Press.