The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1889-02-07

When she was a Child. shs cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss. she chung 10 Castoris.
When she had Children. she gave them castorA
Dolly--Have you heard how Fannie is getting
along?
Letty-s She's better. She's taking seven differ
| ent patent medicine.
Dolly-Mercy on us And are they all doing
III Lest GN only one.
Doliy-Then why doesn't she leave off all the
Leity-Because she is afraid to. She doesn'
know which one it is that is helping her, don'tt
you see?
A mans wife should always be the
same, especially to her husband, but II she Is
weak and nervous, and uses Carter's Iron Pills,
she cannot be, for they make her feel like a
differeDt person., so they all say, and their hus-
bands say so tool
Lawyer-Aud so you really think, do you,
George, that you will become lawyer when you
grow up?
Georgie-Yes, sir; my Uncle James thinks
ought to be a lawyer.
Lawyer-Does he, indeed! And why does he
think so-becanse YOU are so very bright and
smart?
Georgie-No, sir; because ask so many fool
questions.
Perhaps no local disease has puzzled and
baffied the medical profession more than nasal
catarrh. While not Immediately fatal it is among
the most distressing nauseous land disgusting ills
the flesh is heir to, and the records show very few
or no cases of radical cures of chronic cstarrh by
any OF the multitude of modes OF treatment until
the introduction of Ely's Cream Balm few years
ago. The success of this preparation has been
most gratifying and surprising.
Every teacher is liable to use words which his
sholars are supposed TO understand, but which
they do not. Incidents In illustration Of this truth
multiply. During the teaching Of the recent les
son on "a Sabbath in the Life of Jesus" a teacher
asked boy OF his class
what does it mean when it says: They were
astonished at His doctrine?'"
The boy promptly replied:
They wondered that de could cure the PEG
That boy had COMPOUNDED doctoring with doc
trine.
The Chamber of Torture
Is the apartment to which the unhappy sufferer
from IL fiammatory rheumatism is confined. If,
ere the crisis of pain is reached, that fine proven
tive Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, is used by per-
sons of a rheumatic tendency, much unnecessary
suffering is avoided. Neryines, anodynes and
sedatIves, while having none but specific effect,
are yet very desirable at times. Yet they pro-
duce no lasting effect upon rheumatism, because
they have no power to eliminate from the blood
the rheumatic virus Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
does this, and checks at the outset disease
which, If allowed to gain Roadway, il Is next to
impossible to disodge TO do more than relieve.
rheumatism, 1t should be remembered, Is a dis
ease with a fatal tendency from its proneness to
attack the heart. resort TO the Bitters should
| be prompt. Dyspepsia, kidney complaint, mala-
| ria and nervousness are relieved by it.
Little Mabel, five years old, is not 80 young but
| that she las picked up some knowledge OF the
ways Of the world. She said to her mother the
| other day:
"Say, mamma, who was papa before he mar
| ried us, anyway?"
"Who was papa9 Why. he was the same man
| that he is now"
"Yes; but what was he TO your Was he just
man that you had mashed?"