Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-06-06
WIT AND HUMOR.
4 stand for the write-The inkstand
-IeTre Hd1tte ErDress


A good way of putting an extinguish.
er on man is to cover him with re-
Baltimore american.
A round of dissipation is another
round of drinks not needed when the
boys are going home.-New Orleans
Picdyu7ae.
Stranger Ito man with big diamond)
Hotel clerk, ehp Bejeweled indi-
vidual-No, sir; Iowa druggist.-St.
Paul Pioneer-Press.
She enthusiastically = All, how
nice it must be to be famous! How /
wish had namei He (bashfully)-
Aw-er-what would you say to minep
Once Week.
The Emperor of China is said to en-
ploy ten men to carry his umbrella.
1t is quite evident that this youthful
potentate is prepared for hard reign.
-Rdrper's Bazaar.
The alleged maple sugar which
comes so early in the spring resembles
the sweet girl who makes you think
she admires you. It is sugar fraud
Boston Transcript.
81 owe frightful lot OF money, L
don't see how on earth / can ever pay"
''Why don't you borrow enough to set
tie with your creditors and then start
clear" -Harper's Bazaar.
Sunday-school teacher-We are told
here that the prophet rent his clothes.
Why did he do thatP Tommy Squil-
dig-P'raps he couldn't afford to buy
'em.-Ptttsburg Chronicle.
Miss Reeder-'You should read DR..
Weir G. Mitchells last story-the scene
is laid in the lumber regions" DR..
Schmers-'.Ah, I see-in the small-of-
the-back-woods, you mean. Puck.
"Can you tell me where I can find
'Rienzi's Address'p" asked a young
lady of clerk in Brooklyn book
store. "Have you looked in the di-
rectoryp' he replied. Bazaar.
Some scientific men declare that it is
impossible for man to think without
words. That may be, but we all know
that it is possible for man to use words
without thinking. - SomaerUille Journal.
Social philosopher-"F Fifty years ago
our statesmen and orators doomed up
among the first in the world Where
are they nowP" Able editor-s'In
newspaper offices. "-New York Week
ly.
There is only one bigger bore than
the man who is always talking about
the DAYS when he was rich, and that is
the man who continually brags about
how poor he used to be.-Ierre Haa1te
EIpreSs.
Beggar-Please give me dime. Do
not judge me by present appearance,
but remember l once did business with
Jay Gould. Citizen-I believe you,
my man, believe you. Here's dol
lar.-Epoch.
Bella-Don't I look like a perfect
fright in my new sacque, though?
Clara (absent mindedIy)-Yes. Bella
You mean thing! I'll never speak
to you again as long as lve.-Bur-
Ziasgton Free Press.
Wickwire-My belief is that we will
all follow the same occupation in the
next world that we do here. Yabsley
Sop What use will there be for
plumbers where there is no waterP-
Terre Haute Express.
The oil of black birch is a product
almost as precious as the altar of roses,
and is worth about $50 per gallon. AS
well, we all remember what it used
to bring. City Blizzard.
Philadelphia art dealer = s.Live in
New York, eh?" New Yorker (proud-
ly)-'I am an Alderman in that CITY,
SIR" 80! James, show the gentle
man our new stock of barroom pic
lures. "-PhitadeIplsia Record.
Goldsmith-'M Smart, why are
you like large calibre cannon when
you leave my storep" SMART don't
know. 1 give it up" Goldsmith
Because you always go off with
heavy charge" -Jewezers' Weekly.
20, for the golden age of letters!'
tains all, the present nothing, the fu-
ture no promise" ''Ah!" replied Cyni-
Gus; "and that is why you print only
sixteen century jests, l presume?'-
Rarper's Bazar.
Managing editor-Did you prepare
that article on 'The Intellectual At
tainment of the Four HundredP" Re-
porter-Yes, sir. Managing editor
About how much space Wilt occupyP
Reporter-About six lines.-Burling-
ton Free Press.
DR.. Physick-Your blood appears to
be little out of order, madam, 1 will
1end you something which will purify
it. Mrs. Murray Hill Indignantly
Purify my blood, slrp Are you not
aware that am one of the Four Hun
dredP-Toa0as Topics.
The young man in Montana who
shot himself because his sweetheart
rejected him missed one of the keenest
pleasures of life. He should have
married her neighbor and bought for
his wife the prettiest spring bonnet
that came to his town.-Fort Worth
Gazette.
Wife-Seems to me you're home late
to-night! What's the reason, dear?
Husband-I met two old friends, and
they have been entertaining me for the
last two hours. Wife-How nice for
you. Who were they, pray? Hus-
band-Tom and Jerry. : Nea0 York
Graphic.
"For shame, William, to come home
to your wife so late. Last night it was
II, and now it is actually O. clock in
the morning." "Well, well, my dar-
ling, don't be angry. Surprising had
come home early it would have been
2 o'clock now just the same. Serum
ton Truth.
A discussion arose between the con-
ductor and the driver in a Boston
horse-ear. 1t grew exciting, but at