Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1889-07-22
WRETCHED.

"But, old fellow, how can you smoke such
a wretohed cigar. You can't get any pleas.
ure out of it," Yes can, teo-when STOP"
-Fliegende Blatter.
Gleanings from Sunday school.-Teacher
--"You may tell me, Michael, what made
Joseph good ruler" Mickey with burst
Of enthusiasm) -"Beoause he was so straight,
mum."-Time.
wife-"1'l take the $40 you gave me and
want what's left to get your hat" Husband
-"All right, dearest. I'll go down at once
and order 60-cent hat for myself "--New
York Sun.
Anxious wooer-aThen, sir, have your
consent to pay my addresses to your daugh-
tera All, if only thought I could win her
affectionsl" Eager father-"Why not, my
dear sir, why nots Plenty of others have
succeeded. London It'd Bits.
On the Right Road.-Boggs "a Now York
reporter sent to write up the Inebristes
Home, gets Intoxicated on the way)-"I (hic)
shay, stra'ger am on r-road to 'nebr'ate
h-shylum!"-Stranger-"I should judge
from your appearance that you were. ."-Texss
Siftings.
There are Quarts and Quarts.-Elder Ber-
ry-"How much are these blaekcaps quart,
Deacon!" Deacon Sanders (the grooer)-
"Twelve cents" Elder Berry-"All right,
Deacon; here. I've brought quart measure
along to. get 'em in" Deacon Sanders
"Wall, Elder, I'll have to charge thirty-six
| cents for that full. ."-Puok.
A Clincher.-Outraged Erin: "Gintlsmin,
I wud loike to asht thin Amerikins wan
thing; Who doog the canals Nv the coontry
but furriners? Who worruks the mines Nv
| the cooutry but furriners! Who does the
| votin' fur the coontry but furriners? AND
| who the divil dishcoovered the coontry but
/ furriners7-L Life.
/ Teachsr-fB Ben jamin, how many time
| must I tell you not to snap your fingers
Now put down your hand and keep still.
shall hear what you have to say presently.
Give minutes later.) ''Now, then, Benja
jamin-"There was tramp in the hall
while ago and saw him go off with you
gold-headed parasol. Sun.
Count Speghatti (daintily touching Mis-
Pursestrings' heir-''Ah, 1t IL like ze fnisl
on ze rose. 1t reminds me of ze hair of Z
man used to shave long ago." Miss Purse
string-"Shave, count2 Why, what can yo'
mean?" The count collecting himself)-
eyes, mam'-zelle. In our country it is z,
custome for re noblemen's sons to shave esel
other for pleasure" (Aside). II will kiol
myself for month for zat."-Phiiadelphi,
/ Inquirer.
The editor of religious weekly-tht
Christian Union-says that "getting a bur
off piece of woolen cloth is a simple mat
ter compared with getting stupid or incom
petent professhr out of college chair" Ha
our religious contemporary ever tried plac
ing bent pin on the stupid professor
chair, In removing any kind of live pro
fessor from chair the bent pin Is warrant
ed to Ego right to the spot. t."-Norristown
Herald.
Boys Will be Boys.-Country Magistrat
(genially, to complainant)-"Oh.b boys will
be boys. wouldn't prosecute 'em, If wa
you. That cut over y'r eye will soon heal
and ye krow they wouldn't "a stoned ye
Jest remember ye was boy once y'self, an
=" Magistrates wife rushing in)-
"Silas! Silasl Them boys is in our orchar
ag'n!" Magistrate (darting up)-"Consarl
'em! Where's my shotgun. ."-Puck.
In the bookstore.-clsrk-''I did not quit
catch the title you asked for. madam. Mrs
Boominoil with asperity)-"I asked, sir, fo
copy of The Aristocrst at the Breakfas
Table, OF course don't need a book of tina
nature from which to CLEAN rules regardin
the correct etiquette of the wealthy at the
meals, but like to glance through such pull
lications for my own amusement" Cler
(half.heartedly and with trace of bewilde
ment) )-''Was the authors name Holme
madama" Mrs. Boominoil-"Yes, sir;
think 1t was."-Puck.