Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1889-01-02
Newspaper IIunor.

blacksmith or y shoemaker?
To make long story short
send II To the editor ofa newspaper
Why is there nothing like leath.
err Because it is tho sole OF man
Patient--"Wha, is the best posi-.
ticn in which TO slcepi"
Doctor usually lie down"
a Burlington boy, who go, into
the preserve closet Saturday. Is
very sick. lie couldn't stand the
jar.
To secure contcnted spirit
measure your desires by your for.
tunes, not your fortunes by your de
sircs.
IL is the person who talks the
most during the performance that
always applands loudest Mt the
wrong time.
Johnny had heard ofa man who
hung fire, and wanted to know
how he managed to- do IL without
burning the rope.
Young lIobbs-"Mamma, what
animal is king OF beasts"
Mrs. Hobbs with signifiean,
look at her husband)-"Man."
John l.. Sullivan is going TO edit
newspaper. Very few people
viii climb the stairs 10 ask who "rit
that thar piece ."-Arcola record.
il was pretty mean man who.
when asked to umpire base ball
game between two colored mines.
immediately called the game on ac.
count Of darkness.
Mrs. Foster speaks, ''says a big
headline,in a western paper. But
why the big fypcf Being a woman
II would be much more remarkable
If Mrs. Foster didn't.
Tom--''Got toothachel Why
don't YOU have it outi''
Bob-"Wcll, don't mind having
a leg of, but tooth, IT.
Tom--"Wcll, baye a leg off then:
1T VIII take your mind off the tooth"
Fifty cents, please" said the no.
tel clerk 10 the lady who had been
using the telephone. ~ thought
the charge was only ten" she re.
piled. Yes" he returned. "out
that is tho rate for men. you know"
Teaeher-"Definc the word ex,
cavate."
Pupil--"To hollow out.''
"Constructa sentence IN which
the word Is properly used"
"Ihe baby excavaies when IL gets
hurt"
Teaeher-@ Johnny, please name
Janasiry, Febuairy, Marchuniry,
Apnlc Foo-p f.If7.
"Sit dawn therel March is rath.
er airy, but not to that extent
Next"
Little GIrl-"Mamma, I want you
to do me favor"
Mother-"What is IL, Fannyf"
II want you to make me a pres.
ent Of nice new baby brother, but
papa isn't to know anything about
IL until he sees it,"
Minister--"You don't look at ali
well this morning, Uncle Rastus."
Uncle Ras,us-"No, sab. I'se
feelin' de want Oh sleep; ives
gwine ter hab chicken TO dsy fer
dinner, twas nigh on 10 two o'clock
dat dem chickens was delibered."
Lucky for Dumley-'T saw
Bromley" said Dumley, "do YOU
believe there is such person as the
fool-killerY"
"I.et me see. DumIoy,n replied
Bromley. about how old arc
your
"Im gettin' on toward hny."
mo" replied Bromley. II don't
believe there is."
Which is the aching ,ooth;g in.
quifed the dentist.
This one" said the sufferer. a,
be pointed out the offender.
WHAT"
"Bicuspid."
"Ih buy anything, doctor. II
you'll only jerk the tooth ont. though
81 looks little mean 20 take advan.
tage Of 2 man IN this fix. What
are your cuspids WORTH"
"What luck did you have ~ the
farm housei' asked one tramp Of
anolhcr
"None at al. The woman was
too pis,r1stfnl.p
How was that"
when asked for some,h;po
TO eat she asked me II / could sa,s
wood. ! told her couldp
'Yes; what them"
why, III be doggoncd II she
dido A ~. t.f 80. -. .........