The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-03-20
Selefteo Storm.
A Drummer's Joke.

he sat comfortably astrlde q grocery
barrel.
"We!l, yes, they came up in the
spring" The fat, well dressed drum
mer twisted his sleek moustache, with
smile; he meant that the vines came
up, not the price of peanuts.
"Think thay'll keep on rising?"
Perkins had no possible object in ask
ing except Yankee love of question
ing.
Well, yes, probably keep on rising
through harvest (peanut harvesO.
Want to invest?"
" Dunno but might if / could get
three or four sacks pretty cheap. I'm
always in for a spec, you know"
Now, the drummer knew perfectly
well that Perkins IS getting in one of
his absurd dry jokes, and would no
more think of ordering peanuts in
quantity than he would carload of
monkeys, but he was man who thrived
on a Joke better than most people do
on milk and honey, so he pulled out
his notebook with flourish and wrote,
in his large hand, Nat Perkins, four
sacks of peanuts" and returned the
book to his pocket.
" Putting it down in black and white
are your"
"Of course" laughed the drummer
'you don't suppose I'd lose such
good customer by neglecting to take
his order?"
Both laughed heartily at what was
supposed to be good Joke, and soon
politics absorbed the attention of the
parties, and the subject of peanuts
sank into desuetude while the rival
merits of Blaine and Cleveland were
discussed.
About two weeks later, while Per-
kins and his wife were lettering over a
late breakfast, there came tremendous
ring at the bell, and Mrs. Perkins went
to the door. A tall, gaunt porter stood
there, and dray loaded with four i'm
mense sacks stood before the house.
Where'll you have 'em, ma amp"
he asked, smiling from ear to ear. He
was fecetious man by nature, but the
idea of delivering such cargo at
private house, where there were no
children, seemed to strike his risibili-
ties in tender spot
Have what?" asked Mrs. Perkins,
somewhat sternly. She thought the
man was drunk and had mistaken the
AOuoC, anu SnC lldI III pdtlCACC Will
drunken men. You must have made
a mistake" freezinglv.
"No mistake at all, ma'am. They're
directed to Nat Perkins, ma'am, and
I've knowed him ever since he was
knee-high to a grasshopper, ma'am."
Mrs. Perkins was but recently married,
and had not made the acquaintance of
her husbands entire circle of friends.
"What on earth is it? Baled hay or
feathers" She had an idea that her
husband was surprising her with an out
fit of feather beds.
Peanuts, ma'am," replied the man,
laconically.
- Peanuts!" Mrs. Perkins afterward
declared that she could have been
knocked down with feather. my
land o. Goshen"
Here Perkins came sauntering into
the hall leisurely, picking his teeth with
a splinter.
. What's the racket, Ginevra?"
She turned upon him severely. "What
On earth have you been buying load
of peanuts for? You know | hate
them"
Peanuts!" 1t was his turn to be as
tonished, and his very hair stood up
with establishment.
" Where'll l unload 'em, Nat?" The
porter was getting impatient. Late as
it was, he hadn't had his breakfast,
and had another delivery to make.
" Unload your grandmother! | don't
want any of your COMPOUNDED peanuts"
and Perkins glared at the innocent por-
ter as if he suspected him of playing
some sort of practical joke upon him.
Now look a here, Nat Perkins,
none o. your foolin'. Them air pea
nuts came to you all marked an billed
regular, an | was told to oliver 'em,
and I'm going to eff have to pitch 'em
out on the sidewalk here" and he clam
bered into his dray, preparatory to car
rying out his threat.
"Consarn it all! l hain't bought any
pean-," Perkins commenced to say,
but the memory of his conversation
with the drummer flashed across his
mind, and he fairly turned white in his
wrath.
"D-r-a-t that drummer!" he muttered,
under his breath. eff had him here
I'd shake him as a Gyp shakes a rat"
quite forgetting that the drummer out
weighed him by near hundred pounds.
iOu Nhh Juop POahuNo
an pile them up in the backyard"
with a sulky smile. You didn't know
that had gone into the wholesale pea
nut business, did your" trying to con-
vince the porter that the proceeding
was satisfactory and legitimate one.
THAT drummer sent me few more
than l expected, that's all" Perkins
did detest being laughed at, and he
knew he would be if he allowed the
story to leak out.
The porter did as he was hidden, and
the sacks seemed to grow bigger in
Perkins eyes as he saw them stacked
up in his backyard, and if the drum
mer had been there it is doubtful if
even his superior avoirdupois would
have saved him from getting hurt, for
Perkins was actually dangerous in his
evaporation.
The drummer struck the town in his
route every four weeks, and Perkins
laid low for him with schemes in
Vulnerable the next time he appeared,
offering him loaded cigars and the like /;