The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1889-03-01
THG DOMESTIC COW.
A smart Young Man Investigates Her
lnamiahle Traits.

Engnshl. lia mas done SO without
having taken the trouble TO investi-
gate those uuamiable traits in her
character which IL Is the object OF
this article 10 criticisc. He (the poe)
seems only To have seen her in her
sunday clothes, as ii were, grazing in
the fragrant meadows or standing at
ease in the shadows OF the babb.ing
brooklct.
NY hired man recently attended "A
tlrcmen's picnic, not wisely, but too
well; and, after repeated drinks, he
very imprudcntly locked horns with IA
larger man on the question OF tariff re-
form. Need say more? Only this;
That he was assisted home 10y friends.
suffering from severe iudisposition
and with his features sadly ont of rc-
pair; SO that, on the following morn
ing, from n sense OF duty, arose be-
times TO milk the domestic ca (SaN-
on), just rs the first pale streaks OF
dawn appeared in the eastern sky.
Girding on some old clothes, !
started forth To seek the koe (Dutch).
She had unlocked the gate OF the
pasture with her horns, and was then
in the act OF inspecting the flower
garden. She had evidently been there
for somc time during which she had
not been idle, and her manner was en-
tirely free from excitement
Approaching with n smile which
has seldom failed TO win female re-
gard, said, in soothing tones; "Soh,
bossy! soh, bossyl' but. after cycling
mo comprchcnsively for few mo-
ments. she backed leisurcly over
valuable ihododendron bush. and
then started through the shrubbcry at
a swinging gait.
1t would be painful to recount the
incidents OF that exciting chase. !
got her in the barn at last, and sue
cccdcd in Delaying her head TO the
mangcr, after which | said; "Stand
over, in distinct tone Of voice. She
knew that wanted her 90 move TO the
left so that ! could get room TO milk
her; but wilfully appearing to misun-
stand the order, she "stood over %
the right side, nattening mo against
the stall.
Did | swear? No, gentle reader, !
did not Why did not swoarp Be
cause the weight OF tho Ga (Saxon)
prevented respiration. Gathering
myself together as one man, | hurled
her across the stall by supreme ef-
fort, and standing the hnyfork whore
she could see IL. prepared TO milk.
Any one who has watched the opera
lion OF milking "A COW will maintain
that it is n very simple thing 20 do. ]
used to think so myself, but IL Is
great mistake. am ready 90 explain
TO any one who will listcn.1o me for
few hours, that IT Is difficult. very dif-
hcut TO milk koe Dutch), unless
there is n mutual understanding
friendly feeling between the parties;
which, i'm my case, there was not.
Having seated myself under the star
board quarter, | grasped the pail
firmly between my knees, as had
seen the hircling do, and commenced
10 milk. No milk came for five
minutes, during which time worked
on in silence, while the Ga jcrkod
angry mouthfus Of hay out Of the
mangcr, ever and anon lHshing her
tail agninst my hat, and looking
around with "A sarcastic smile: which,
however, ! pretended not 90 notice;
but at last snowy jet shot straight
into my left eye, and, in n short time,
another imUartcd AN unnatural
warmth 20 my lap. | had succeeded
i'm bringing forth the milk; all that re-
maincd was 90 di rect it into the pail.
This was not 90 bc 20 easily done as
you would suppose.
In fifteen minutes | had brought
forth twcnty-six squirts. distributed as
follows: Three In the left eye, one in
the right eleven on my trousers, two
on Koe's tail, FIVE on the barn floor,
und the balance in the kettle.
just then the hand-maidcn appeared
and asked II ! had finished milking.
She said that the family were waiting
for breakfast, and there was no milk
for the coffee ] told her ~ walt "A few
minutes that had not quite finished.
Leaning one dimp.cd arm on an ad-
) jaccnt hay cutter sho watched my
efforts with increased amazcmcnt, and
atlcngth said, eagerly. Lord, Misthcr
Adam, Jet me milk the COW, Why
didn't yc AK me bcfoarep Shurc used
a., mill tbrao cog.4 down home bpfOaro
! wint out 10 -aryirr'
Recalling tho incident oi Robert
Bruce and the historic spider, / felt
strongly disposed to hold ON and con-
quer the dinicutic- oi milking II IL
took all day; but breakfast would have
% be indefinitely postponed, and the
feelings of the family were entitled %
consideration; therefore rose up and
allowed Gwcndo.inc Mulcahcy 10 take
the helm. This -hc did with alacrity.
and. A. tho milk new into the tin pail
In thick, yigOrOG- streams, the recep-
tacle responded vith n Joyous 'whing
whong. whiug nhong. that seemed 80
say: Go n. GwcudoIine; you arc tho
popular candidate. and you understand
your biz" The Cu (Saxou) also gave
vent 90 a chuckio ~ iil-cOncealed tri-
umph a. ! started for the house. -
Adam Smith. in Texas Siftings.
-" The Pilgrims Progress has
been translated into the language
spoken in zanzibar. tongue called