The Irish standard., 1889-11-02


To spend our lavs and nights
BIZ In wrestling with the furnace.
If you should wear tall silk hat,
And it has battered been;
Remember that a stovepipe hat
Was made to be stove in.
Now autumn summer puts to rout
And chilly winds to blow begin;
The ice cream joke is going out
The stove-pipe joke is coming in.
Frosts are generally due before they
come.
It is hard to make the ice man see the
error of his weigh.
Before tailor can collect his bills he
has to sew for them.
When men get on tights they can
barely keep their legs.
The man who blew it out instead Of
turning it off looked gassed,
Like many young man, nature be-
gins her fall by painting things red
The waiter girl is different from a
poet. She is not born; she. is made to
order.
T A man is not necessarily mean because
he will jump on featherbed when it IS
down.
When girl falls IN love she stops say
ing her prayers, but after she is married
she begins them again.
The Cat, after making it's protest,
frequently rises to give some additional
claws to it's argument.
The boy who was bent on eating a
green watermelon was in the same con-
dition after he had eaten it.
Since the abolition of the rod IN public
schools the licking seems to be done at
the stamp windows of the postofices,
A girl has been hngged to death at
Salem, Ohio. It may be an easy death
to die, but it looks like a waist of raw
material.
The swallow-tail coat may be proper
for the bridegroom at fashionable
wedding, but for an elopement there is
nothing like cut-away.
Mother -.sYou have drawn that dom
key very nicely, Johnny, but you have
forgotten one thing. Where is the tail?'
Johnny-"Oh, that donkey dosn't need
any tail. There are no flies on him."
A gentleman remarked to Judge
Chllds that there was but a single lily
in the floral decorations of newly de-
dicated church. "Well." said the Judge,
you must remember that there was only
one rose at the resurrection.
Mr.. Brown Ito stranger, who has
saved him from drowning)-My dear,
good friend, I'll never forget you as long
as I live! Come up to my store and get
some nice, clean, dry clothes; Eli let you
have them as cheap as anybody.
The Balaton Journal thinks that ''if
matches are made in heaven there ought
to be more than th1rty-fve in box
labeled 1O0" The Journal should con-
slider that while matches are made in
heaven they are 'tput up" on earth. !
EDO you know who her grandfather
was? Have you ascertalned ANYTHING in
regard to her pedigree? Those are
things you ought to know about the
woman you are to make your wife"
"Oh, hang her grandfather" "My
boy, that's just what they did,
. Here are General Master Workman
Powderly's views as to Sunday labor:
II believe IN Sunday rest. So do the
Knights of Labor. l believe the time
will come when enough can be done in
five days to give the laboring man two
days in che week -one for God and one
for humanity" III
1 A little boy Of three years, whose
mother played the organ in church, and
who was Obliged to be left to the care Of
= l- = 81 ~
others, was asked one Sunday morning
what his kitten was crying 90 piteously
for. 81 don't know, : said he, in fearful
tones, .'but I 'spect the old cat has gone
to church - s
Austin.
special alCorrespondence Of the irish Standard.
John Kelly had his fingers badly
bruised il coupling cars last weak.