Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-19
TOLL BRIDGE DODGES.
Rich Men Who Won't Pay Their
Penny If They Can Get Out of 1t.
ONE MISERLY OLD FARMERS PLAN
He and His Boy Pay for Their Little
Whistle After ALI.
TRACTS IN PLACE OF VEHICLE TICKETS

If student of human nature wished to
depict it in either burning poetry or staid
prose he could probably do no better than
to get position as toll collector on bridge.
He would strike all the phases of humanity
ever depicted by Dickens, and great many
others that even the fertile mind of that ge-
MUS never conceived. He would come
in contact with men who would
risk limb and sometimes life to
save their paper from going to protest, but
who would think nothing of losing time
worth dime in the concoction of a scheme
to beat hard-worked toll collector out of a
cent. Mr.. Gheinor, who takes toll at the
north end of the Smithfeld street bridge,
can tell some queer experiences, and doubt
less any observant man who has filled like
position for six months could tell something
similar.
The writer recollects the time when the
toll on the bridge was 2 cents, and the
temptation to evade it, in consequence, 100
per cent greater than it is now. One day
an ancient and wealthy granger with
patriarchal beard of the North-of-England
cut, such as the Kernells affect on the
stage, was heard remarking as follows to
his son, lad of 10 years, as they stood
opposite the Monongahela House:
WHERE HE WAS WRONG.
sThe man that takes the money will be
busy for some time, and 1 think we can
sneak over without paying" The dutiful
| boy saw no harm in anything legalized
by his progenitor. They proceeded to
sneak, going on the opposite side of the
bridge from the collector. They had
miscalculated, however He caught
| them in one corner OF his
was so badly frightened that he scooted
across and threw down cents and could
not be induced to wait to hear the collectors
explanation that only 2 cents were wanted.
| and that 10-year-old boys were not chargea-
BILE. The next day was Sunday, and the
old agriculturist found it necessary to again
cross the bridge with the boy in order to at
tend church. He didn't try to sneak
this time, but again threw down
cents. The collector had a con-
science, and called after the old man that
toll was not wanted; but the ancient pill
grim was too much frightened to hear, and
SO was out cents in his effort to beat the
corporation out of 2. Conscience made q
coward OF him. This man was an elder in
country church, and his word was as good as
his bond; but he held that Opposition to
tyrants is obedience to God, and all cor
porations were tyrannical, in his moral
horizon. There was and is still also a
streak of meanness running all through his
moral makeup.
COLLECTING LITTLE TRACTS.
These bridge corporations issue vehicle
tickets, and when a toll-taker is very busy
he frequently finds that in his hurry he has
taken up instead of bridge ticket one of q
similar color bearing such inscriptions as
''Pray without ceasing," or some other
pious admonition, issued by Sunday
schools.
The United Kingdom sends great many
citizens to this country who for many years
persistently object to paying toll, demand
ing to know of the collector how Columbia
can be a free country when people must pay
toll to pass from one part OF a city to an
other.
One of the inducements held out by polit-
ical annexationists to the Southsiders to get
them to vote for consolidation was that the
bridges would be free when consolidation
was secured; and'it got many votes, as "a
year saved was supposed to compensate
thousands for necessarily increased taxa
tion. One bibulous citizen who lived on
Mt. Washington had row with David
Barker, almost nightly for years after con-
solidation, on this subject, and never yielded
save when it became either question of
compliance or trip to the lookup.
Dudes who take their girls out for
| promenade are a source of much trouble to
the collector. They walk on the opposite
| side OF the bridge from him, and when called
to book, assert that they didn't know it was
| a toll bridge. If the collector happens to
be in a hurry they frequently succeed in
escaping him, as he cannot follow them.
AN INTERROGATION POINTER.
Some people regard the toll collector as a
guide board, and ask him innumerable
questions about the time trains leave
and about many other things.
If the collector understands his
business he answers all questions
not positively insulting, amiably, but this
suavitv only comes of experience, and is
only learned in the school OF philosophy
| and Standardization. Some are very OBJ
| tuse, and it is difficult to make them under
| stand that the collector really wants the pal
try halfpenny demanded Some are ab-
sorbed in a reverie. and forget, while con-
templating the new Baltimore and Ohio
Railroad station, the existence of toll
taker. Then there is the dignifed drunk
ard, who goes to sleep while searching his
pockets for a cent.
On oatuIuay ulSuIs people WuO nave Deen
"setting 'em up again." to the extent of
probably several dollars, grow very poor be-
fore they 60 home, and will stand from II
until z o'clock within square of bridge,
awaiting the striking of the town bell which
announces the first day of the week, and
enables them to cross without paying cent.
On Sunday night, when they have tarried
long with their best girls, they forget that
the striking of the bell announces Monday,
and persist that they won't pay toll on Sum
day,
There are on the Smithfeld street bridge
some 900 renters, and sometimes the collec-
tors forget some of their faces, and frequently
their demand to see commutation ticket is
the prelude to a row.
If you haven't the patience of Job and
the philosophy of Stole don't apply for
the position as toll collector on a bridge,
for, unless so gifted, you will not live out
half your days, and those you do have will
be robbed of all sweetness and light.
Entitled to the Best.
All are entitled to the best that their money
will buy SO every family should have, at once,
bottle OF the best family remedy, Syrup of
M 49,