Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-04-03
The xrlzona kicker.

Tne AflZOmh hfckeFs
+ We take the following extracts from
3 late issue Of the As'igona Weekly
Kicker:
APoLoGETIcAL.
We are compelled TO apologize to our
subscribers for the typographical APP
pearance of the present issue. Owing
to the snow blockade, key of ink
which we ordered weeks ago failed to
reach us, and rather than miss an issue
we compounded q substitute. We don't
seem to have hit the right proportions,
or else molasses and lampblack are not
the proper substitutes
AS it will be impossible for sub
scribers to make out any Of the read
ing matter, we will solace them with
the statement that there is little or
nothing worth reading. We hadn't
much time to give to the paper last
week, and it is just as well that we
hadn't. 1t would have been time
thrown away.
THE USUAL REWARD.
We understand that Arizona Joe.
Col. Hilton, Dick Fenshaw, and other
ingrates are going about with the state
the Widow Burnham one day last week.
When we refer to these hyenas as liv-
ing liars we do so in all gentleness.
We can't afford to get mad and kick
such freaks of nature. Arizona Joe is
wearing collar we lent him from our
slim stock, and If any one will rip the
Colonels coat down the back he will
find one of our undershirts surrounding
the ingrate's body. When Dick Fen
shaw struck this town he hadn't eaten
anything but pig-weed for three days.
and he was trying to make a pack of
cards cover his nakedness. We filed
his stomach, gave him coat and lifted
him out of the slough. This is our re-
ward. Sick transit! Sick gratitude!'
Sick hyena!
WELCOME BACK.
Professor Whitewater entered the
Kicker Office day before yesterday with
beaming smile and extended hand after
an absence of about ten months spent
in the penitentiary. He was unfortu-
nate enough it will be remembered, to
hurt someone in little dispute at the
Red Front Saloon, and the court
thought it best for him to take little.
vacation.
The Professor returns home looking
in good health and filled with enthusi-
asm over the progress the town has
made during his absence. We well
come him. A little State Prison ex-
perience hasn't hurt him, nor won't
h1rt any of our townsmen.
CAN BE OVERLOOKED.
} A few of our citizens seem inclined
70 censyre Maj. Whitbeck, our Chief
of Police, for being drunk ON the
streets yesterday. We don't believe
that giving a man an office should de-
prive him Of the rights and privileges
of citizen. If business is slack and
the MAJOR feels like going on spree
the break can be overlooked in COM
munity where half the eminent citizens
sleep on their front doorsteps five
nights out of seven. Those who criti-
else seem to be actuated by spirit Of
jealousy.
A FALSE ALARM.
When the stage drove up the other
evening the report got abroad that one
of the passengers was Chicago de-
tective, and some forty OF fifty of our
leading citizens broke for the country
on canter. Most of them laid out
all night, with the thermometer stand
ing at degrees below. The follow
ing casualties are reported:
Capt Johnson-Right foot frozen SO
badly that amputation is talked of. !:
Judge Pelham--Both ears frost bit
ten and nose badly used up.
Prof. Sweeny-Broken leg, caused,
by fall while running.
Maj. Adams-Ears, nose, and sew
en- toes frost bitten, and his spine bad
ly wrenched.
Esquire Davis-Several frost bites,
a sprained ankle and the probable loss
of a portion of his beautiful Roman
nose.-Detroit Free Press.
A Plea sor Compulsory Instruction.
The American girl is unhealthy.
Physical conditions governing her
prenatal life gave her an unfair start.
She inherited physical imperfections
in consequence of her parents COM
moner transgressions against natures
laws combined with those pre-eminently
her mothers, the American woman's,
affecting her relations as wife and
mother; which it is not our purpose to
detail.
By indigestible food, tea and coffee,
rapid and irregular eating, drinking
during meals; school confinement,
avoidance of masculine" ca outdoor
work and play, and breathing impure,
air her stomach and lungs are disqual-,
flied for their natural functions.
Dispreportionate activity of brain,
injudicious reading and bathing, lack
of properexercise, irregular attention!
to natures calls, too tight clothing sup.
ported by her hips-all these produce
headaches, nervousness, premature in
dication of physical womanhood, and
many disordered sexual functions.
Late hours with the opposite sex, to
which she is early placed in wrong re-
lations, have evil physical effect.
She appears and feels healthier than
she is.
Assumption of marriage and mother
hood will prove the undevelopement of
internal organs, and she will become,
like her mother, Americas physical
apology for womanhood.
The physical condition of the Ameri-