South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1889-07-05

Have You Browning2' che asked at
the village store. No. replied the
clerk, we have backing and whiting,
but no browning
Stern parent 10 young applicant
Tor his daughters hand -Young
man. can you support . famiIyf
1onng man (meekly)-I only wanted
Sarah.
When isa plant like hoge When
~ begins to root. When is Il like q
soldicrp When it begins 10 shoot
And when 10 II like an editorp When
it begins 10 blow.
II the gentleman who keeps the
shoe shop with red head will return
the umbrella Of . young lady with an
ivory handle be will hear Of some
thing to bis advantage.
Mary, said Mrs. P, liz Lu.
cy awaken
NO. mama, sc amt dot her syes
undone yet answered Mary.
Teacher-'Inanimate objects be-
long to the neuter gender. What
gender Is an eggf'
Tommy-'Qan's tell ill it's hatch.
cd OUT
Did you divide the bonbons with
your little brother, MollyP>
Yes, mama ate the candy and
gave him the notices. You know that
he's awful fond Of reading
Old Gentleman: you are quite
o genius, my lad.'
Sharp Youth: Well, dunno.
praps 50. My brother Was genius,
an mabbe It's ketchin'. l used ter
sleep with him.
Mr.. De Groot-Everything I've
got in the world is yours, Alice, If
You vii! only say the word!
Little Tommy (from outside
They's one thing you won't get IN
less your young man hurrias. His
hose just run awayl
Mrs. Upton Flatts-You little
scampi What are you eating all
those doughnuts forf
Claude-Why, mother, this is q
test case. Nellie said couldn't eat
them without being sick, and I'm
just going 10 see if she is right.
Say. dye know the la,estr
'NAwr
They ain't goin' to make sky.
rockets any longer
'Wha-a-at? Why nots'
Cause they're long enougbr
Johnny had been refulIy raised
anybody could see that. One day he
sat upon his fathers knee in q crowd.
ed street car. A lady entered.
Madame he said. as he rose 10
Ills feet, take my seat
One day Ray and Ernest were
playing together, and as they occas-
ionally quarrelled. their mother said {:
Ifyou are naughty again, 1 shall
separate YOU In a little while
Ernest called: Mamma, please
come and separate Ray: he's
naughty
A man was driving rapidly down
the street when he accidentally ran
over negro. Unable to stop his
horse. the driver, true to his nature.
called out, Hi, there get out of tho
wayP
AT that moment the dazef negro.
not much hurt, picked himself I'D
and shouted in reply go the lands
sake, boss, yo' Amt comm back agin,
be YEP
She had done something naughty
and her mother had sent her off to |
bed little earlier than usual, and
told her she would punish her for it
in the morning. The child knelt
down to say her prayers and she put
in this Interpolation: please, God,
won't you take mamma up to Heaven
not for altogether, but just for to.
morrow
Sunday School Teacher (to new
pupiD-'We are taught by the Bible
that whom some one smites US on the
cheek we should turn the other TO
him. lent that O beautiful senti-
mentP'
eyes, ma'am.'
NOW, if an enemy were to smite
yuo on one cheek what would you
dor
I'D pound der top of his head off,
A good story is told OF Gov. Tom
Bennett, who presided over the des.
TIMES of Idaho more than decade
ego. A member Of the Legislature
who had been annoyed by his neigh.
bor's hog, introduced bill compell-
ing the owner of the prescribed ami
NAL TO keep him within the limits of
a pen. The bill passed and went up
TO Gov. Bennett for bis approval.
TO the surprise Of the members and
the chagrin Of It's sponsor, it was re-
turned with his veto. When asked
for reason he exclaimed: L don't
believe in the bill in the frst place,
and II 1 did, 1 wouldn't sign q bill
that spelled hog with big II and
Governor with little g.
A coal black negress OF advanced
age with the good nature beaming out
of her dark eyes, stood on the corner
4