The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1889-01-02
ROCKFORD.
Suggs Gives Vent to His Pent up Pow
ers and Expresses His Surpriie
in Humorous Terms


RoCKPoRT, KY, Dec. "a, 1888.
My distressful feeling incident to
Cleveland's defeat. and to the closing
of an old year is somewhat mitigated by
a momentous event in journalism. The
thrilling intelligence has reached me
that the delectable Kentucky Progress
has actually made another spasmodic eff
fort to progress some more-poor thing,
it has reached the crisis known rs the
petering period-and that the notorious
political contortionist and theological
double-somersaultist, who once dream
ed of county clerkship, and, during
the delusion, had to offer IA chrome and
pair of gold-mounted sleeve buttons to
the voter who would stand one of his
campaign speeches twenty minutes, is
now the absolute obfusticator, as it
were of the whole thing. Good Godr
said the wood-cock, and away it flew. )"
What frantic, irresistible progress
rushing at the folks in a head-long
charge that must end in utter rout-of
the folks or the paper heaven only
knows which. Progress, and that too,
in such high-handed manner. Real
ly, it would seem this century only IA
cilitatesand shortens the proverbial step
from the sublime to the ridiculous. At
least in this case, they had but TO sub
stitute little unoffending prefix ''pro"
for retro, which deserved better treat
ment Mt their hands, and lash it on to
"gress" and trot ont word which in
its connection and varied points of
blooming absurdity is uproariously RI
diculous and funny.
But, withal, it is 10 be devoutly hoped
that the ambitious gentleman with the
Tor gar-a-mighty whang to his lip, will
be able to distinguish the faint line be-
tween the management of Progress in |
Hartford, and the superintendent of
the whole earth, for, however inmate
rial the difference may seem TO him, to
draw the line would commend his mod
esty and discernment, and probably |
avert the catastrophe of having his head |
mistaken for a soap gourd. OF all the
absurd excuses, the little brief author
ity" may lead him into, that of pnncing
up and down the ''yearth' in the role of
Atlas staggering under the weight of
the world, would soonest exhaust the pub
lie patience, if it did not impair his ro-
bust constitution and drive him out of
politics altogether.
Speaking of gourds and things, one
thing have observed, which may be of
interest to NJ. ID. S and NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.,
it is this, whenever the Republican
party in this county find a member
whose head is about to cave in, they at
once appoint him either editor of, or
contributor to their paper. 1t at once
excites reaction, and the tendency to
cave is overcome by an opposite
"bust" and dinged if the fellow don't
live to vote for years-vote alasl where
''vOtes are counted, not weighed"
Why, that office has some testimonials,
which would throw patent medicine
man into fits of envy. But, of course,
there are exceptions chronic cases,
neglected too long 1t is not "cure
Ill" Several cases in which the caving
process was allowed to run ON too far,
have received little or no benefit. For
Instance, cast your eye on the "Yal-
er Blossom of Bull Run, if you want
% see an utterly hopeless case. To
lang him out as sign for latter TAX
n.y." would be to strike terror to the
and have them flee the remedy
Is pestilence.
True, its marvellous properties got up [
IN immense amount of the bust tenden-
lies, but, somehow, it failed to arrest
he disease, and failing, presents you a
,itiable case-a case so remarkable, it
hould be preserved TO medical jurispru-
lence. Its singularity is no doubt due {
osome abnormal condition entirely mis-
understood by all theories of mentality
my way, the patient is now cutting a (
orry figure in the affairs of men. 1t is s
cared he can't long survive the con-
lict between the remedy and disease, {
nd when he goes out in utter disregard {
f his mental debility to rant on the t
ostrum with damp feet, his distressed t
arty expect him brought back ghast-
y corpse, but in serious doubt wheth- $
T the epitaph dangling to his name will I
cad collapsed" or ''busted." 1t is with l
ceilings mixed of doubt, anxiety and sor- G
ow, they thus await the untimely end c
t their hero of "Bull Run show"
here the Yaller Blossoms petals c
hirsted for metaphoric gore, and got a
hover of red-hot shot from Western y
ooth-puller. SUGGs.
Eatarrh tian't hn Curad