The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-08-08

Mrs. Brown(at Mrs. Smiths tea)-"Oh,
dear ! that dreadful Miss Smith Is eing-
ing again. | wonder what started her p
Tom Brown (aged Seventh dropped a
nickle down her back when she wasn't
looking. "-MunseyS Weekly.
Mrs. O'Flaherty-"Have yez any tin
quart pals, Misther Doogan ?" Mr.. Doc
gan-"No, Mrs. O'Flaherty, but Oi have
plinty av tin wan quart pals" Mrs.
OFl4herty-"An' that's what Oh axed
yez for, Mr.. Doogan. Judge.
"My wife is bound to set up house
keeping, and has started me out house
hunting. don't know whether to buy
or rent-either is bad enough" "Well,
Of two evils one should always choose
the leased. "-Hdrper's Bazaar.
Much injury is done by the use Of irri-
tating, gripping compounds taken as pur-
gatives. In Ayers Pills, the patient has
a mild but effective cathartic, that can
be confidently recommended alike for
the most delicate patients as well as the
most robust.
The only way to solve the problem "Ie
marriage failure 2" is to try it. 1t re-
minds US of the story anent the toadstoo
and the MUSHROOM. How can you tell
mushroom from atoadstool ? BY eating
it. II it is toadstool you die ; if it is
mushroom you don't.
Col. Clark,
U. s. Army, writes For the last two
years my health has been excellent; this
think, IS due to my using Sulphur Bit.
ters, as formerly my health was misera'
BILE, owing to the frequent changes Of
climate, etc., go incident to a soldiers
life. 1919
Miss Kenwood-"Don'ty you like to &c
down to the seashore in summer and
listen to what the wild waves are say
ing ?" Miss Lake View Cranky -"l
cant say that do, but like to go down
to the seashore in summer and listen tC
what the young man is saying. "-Chicd'
90 Journal
Mrs. Muckles-"Ha l do think you
might use your manners when we are
alone as we'll as when there IS company
here. What would you think If were
to SIT around with my feet cooked up on
the table, like you do ?" Mr.. Muckles-
II think the chances are the table would
break down."
please. ma'am, will you give me an
old suit of your husbands clothes? lam
one of the Johnslown food sufferers. y
"Poor man OF course will. Come
right In. So you were in that dreadful
flood, were you p mo, ma'am, but my
wife sent all nv clothes to the people
who were. Washington Post.
"Well, sonny, what is it ?" asked the
drug clerk, peering over the counter at
the three foot mite OF humanity. NAM
ma sent me to get a piece OF soap-cast
iron, think she said.' 1--WE don't keep
any GUNNER hotel soap here" returned
metal. Wasn't it CASTLE 2"-Life.
ShIIoh's Uatarrh Remedy.
Shiloh's CataIrh Remedy, marvellous
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, canker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment Of
these complaints without extra charge.
Price so cents. Sold by ]. 7. Shurtleff
"Qu'ah thing bout dissher law bust
ness :" said Uncle Jonas. Whats the
matter, uncle Have they been mixing
you up Oats jess what doa un'-
stan it," "What don't you understand 2"
why, l pays de lawyer ten dollars ter
git me out er trubble, and de Judge he
goes ahead anyhow an does jes ez he
pleases erbout it,"
Bobby grew impatient at the table.
eat spariDRly, and to say "thank you"
when anything was passed to him. The
older ones demanded so much attention
that Bobby got very little. MA" he
Whispered, after time, "how can eat
sparingly and say thank you II l don't
get anything ?"--Binghdmton Republi-
can.
Dyspepsia aud Liver Complaint.
Is it not worth the small price of rs
cents to FREQ yourself of every symptom
of these distressing complaints, If you
think so call at our store and get bot
tie of Shiloh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
has printed guarantee on 1t, use ac-
cordingly, and If it does you no good II
will cost you nothing. Sold by John 7.
Shurtleff, druggist,
Mrs, Richie lin fur store to salesman)-
81 want to look at pair Of furusllas.
Salesman (doubtfully) -"I don't think l
know what you mean, madam" Mrs.
Riche-"One of my friends has bought o
pair Of horses and sleigh, and she said
she got the paraphernalias to go with it,
and / want pair, too" Salesman (red.
dening)-"We arp all out of them to-
day. madam."-Journdl Of Fabrics.
He made mistake. He-"My dear
Miss Angel, will you not partake Of just
a little pale, pink cream and one bonbon,
which l fear will not be 80 exquisite as
you are accustomed to in Boston !" She
-"What break ! am not from Bos
ton. live in Kansas City," "Well, l
am a fish Here, waiter, tring us a
double order of pork chops and some tur-
nips with the peeling on."-OmdhG
World.
A Family Gathering.
Have you father Have you a moth.
er5 Have you son or daughter, sister
or brother who has not yet taken Kemp's
Balsam for the Throat and Lungs, the
remedy for the cure Of
Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Group and all
Throat and Lung troubles 2 II so, why,
when a sample bottle is gladly given to
you free by any druggist, and the large
size costs only SOC and $l.00p
bay Fever,
have been hay fever sufferer for
.hree years have often hoard Ely's
Cream Balm spoken OF in the highest
.erms did not take much stock in it be-
,ause Of the many quack medicines. A
friend persuaded me to try the Balm,
md did so with wonderful success
I. S. Geer, Syracuse, N. Y.
can recommend Ely's Cream Balm
o al Ray fever sufferers. II is. IN my
'ni1ion, a sure cure. l was afflicted for
. years, and never before found perma-
tent relief.-W. II, Haskins, Marshfield,
IT, 2St2