Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-03-24

be spared to those who are so poorly pre-
pared to get along without him.
When he is colicky and fretful it is not
that he cares a cent about it personally, but
because he is all the time afraid to die and
leave the universe in the hands of the Gre
ator. He has been accustomed for so long
to go around with a long-nosed oil can
searching for hot journal in the solar sys-
tenn that he actually believes himself to be
largely responsible for atmospheric con-
ditions and astronomical phenomena.
In direct contrast with the firm and self
reliant Cook. let me briefly mention the
name of the shy and reticent DR.. Mary
Walker, of Washington, D. G. Shrinking
at all times from the gaze of the world, lift
ing at times her sunny little head like a
dewy daffodil with a pen-wiper overcoat,
and then again shutting up like jackknife,
she is seen no more for quite while.
A NEW WRINKLE IN PANTS.
DR.. Mary Walker dresses plainly at all
times, and at eventide irons out her own
trousers so that the crease down the leg or
limb is the envy and admiration of all the
other men in Washington. She says, how
ever, that in case you are not where you can
obtain hot hat-iron, you may fold the trous-
ers straight down from the first suspender
button in front, bringing these two buttons
together, and with fold down the center of
the back you have them in good shape to
again fold directly across the knee. Then
by putting them under the mattress, you
will find in the morning very desirable
crease down the front of each leg or limb of
the pants, or trousers. -
DR.. Mary Walker is a self-made man,
weighing, in health, little over SO pounds
She wears a Derby hat, "Lord Chumley''
oYercoat, trousers of elephant 's-breath
cheviot, held in place by means of broad
knit blue yarn suspenders with red morocco
ends. Formerly she wore a more frail but
more attractive suspender, but experience
has taught Doc that we should not allow
our love for the beautiful to overcome our
reverence for the imperishahle.
Her practice prevents her in great de-
gree from mixing up in society, even if it
were not for her shrinking nature. When
she does go out, however, the matter of
decollette dress does not worry her. She
never wore low cut dress in her life, and
yet people may be found everywhere who
will tell you that she has done very little
for the good of society. She wears swal-
low-tail coat on dress occasions, and, in
winter, to prevent taking cold, wears the
| vest of her business suit next to her in order
to protect the chest. She steps blithelv
along the street, trying to be perfect gen.
tleman, but meeting with insurmountable
obstacles at every step.
DR.. Mary Walker may be seen frequently
at the various departments in Washington,
modestly asking to be appointed to some
thing, or later on escaping from the door OF
the department hurriedly, in response to an
appeal by the doorkeeper.
A CHEERFUL CHAPPIE.
On a muddy day she may be seen fire.
| quently standing on one foot, and, with the
other resting on drygoods box, cheerily
rolling up the leg of her trousers, so as to
/ look like chappie. Sheisa good physician,
but an indifferent surgeon, 1 am told. She
hates to cut peoples legs of, but makes a
speciality of diseases of horses and children.
I do not know this. I just give it as a
rumor. She would accept portfolio if il
| were thrust upon her, but she would rather
! die than ask for it. If she could be an.
| pointed minister to some place, and the ap-
| pointment came in a way that she could moi
honorablv refuse it, she would accept it.
She could turn her patient over to some one
else, or knock him in the head and go at any
time.
In her old home at Oswego, n. z, one
time, DR.. Walker, in passing by boy on
the street who was moodily squirting with q
garden hose, said something to the boy
which be could not brook. So be turned
loose on DR.. Walker by means Of the hose
until she was sight to behold. Looking
like the pioneer wife of venerable polyga-
mist on the way home, through the rain, in