The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-04-11
CONCERNING cRANka
A Cart-Load OF Truth Presented for 6
EdlAnaflon oR nnSlAa and Ofl,ars .

% : = -
A Cart-Load Of Truth Presented for tn.
EdiAoation Of Dudes and Others.
The crank Is the medium through
which motion is impaired to all ma,
chinery, and the crank in society is t]x
medium through which all Original
ideas are forced through tho thick
skulls OF mankind in general The
crank rises above the teeming inillions
because he is different from them, anc
that difference, which consists in the
possession of a small but carefully-se.
lected stock of brains, makes him con
spicuous The crank does not attract
attention by acting as hostler and sta
ble-man to q pair of Siberian blood
hounds or St. Bernard dog which was
bred in Hester street and whose an.
cestors smelt saltwater only when fish.
brine was put on them to kill fleas
The crank does not wear button-hole
bouquet because every ass on his stree
does: The crank goes four blocks out
of his way to return a borrowed UNI
brella: He does not try to talk Eng
lish and dress Cockney when his fea
lures reveal the fact that for fourteen
generations his nose has been used in
New England to split pumpkins on.
and his cheek bones shine like red mo.
rocco pads on coach harness. He does
not change his suits as many times ir
day as the trump does in a euchre
deck, just to be in fashion. The crank
does not borrow five dollars of every
man who smokes cigar with him; anc
he will pay debt moro readily than
compliment The crank is prompt,
sharp and savory, and so is salt, but
both are pretty necessary in the WORLD
and in well-regulated food.
Young men, you may have heard O.
Columbus, not in Ohio, but Genoa
Italy. He was crank. He told the
whole world, go west, yoiing man, ge
west" and it went west, and the Goul6
system of railroads and the new aque
duct, not to speak of the Rocheste,
knockings and the more persistent an6
effectual knockings of John l. Sullivan,
has grown out of that advice.
When Columbus refused to buy hi.
wife pug dog. and continued to wea,
tight pants after the fashion changed,
the populace of Genoa called him 3
crank; but he got there all the same.
and had a cannon named after him, the
Columbiad, which sounded and kicked.
both like thunder.
Calico was crank. He asserted in
one of his advertisements of clock he
had patented: 1.-The world moves, great
reduction in clocks" and they snatchec
him up and told him to recant RE.
can't" said he, Il really can't" and
went on and perfected his inventions,
which resulted in the Waterbury
watch.
Washington was a crank. In III;
you could find million people in Eng
land who said he was a crank They
told him in '76 that it was all right for
the colonies to submit, and remarked
of the stamp act, Its English, don't
chew know" and Wash carefully plac.
ed his thum on his nose and worked his
fingers like a fan as he remarked:
''That's what's the matter" And the
English wished to get his remains to
hold a post mortem on, but Washing
ton put himself in the hands OF his
friends and they elected him father OF
his country, which position he will
probably hold a good while.
Oh, what crank Lincoln was! How
his clothes wouldn't fit him, and he had
bunions on his big feet. and his trous-
ers bagged at the knee, and my, my,
what great homely mouth he had; and
stories-well, boys, i'll catch any of you
telling Lincoln's stories will pull you
bald:headed. Well, I say no more.
There never was a great man yet who
did not begin business as crank ]
would rather be a speckled bean in 8
two-bushel bag of nice white ones thar
to lose my identity as one of the two
millions
want to find the young man YOU
called a crank. He can take my fine
boots and gold watch when he goes tc
party, and can 60 fishing with me ir
June. l want to be on the right side
Of that youth. He will be able to give me
| a post-office if he lives twenty years.
All of you who have brains enough
may go now and digest this cart-load OF
truth.-Judge.