The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-05-22
MY FIRST INTERVIEW.


week / should occupy desk in
dingy law-ofiice, and enter upon a
profession in which i was expected to
make great figure.
My grandmother Briggs, in writing
to the family, declared that albert
knew enough and had left colleges"
and secretly conceded in her opinion.
have spent many years since that
day in discovering that knew nothing
to speak of. But the college graduate
recently launched upon the world al
ways believes that it holds very. little
more for him to learn.
My ''education," in fact constantly
boiled over; and / was continually in
structing people who probably knew
more than did on tho subject under
discussion.
In this frame of mind, with new
wardrobe, and plenty of money in my
pocket, l,left home. | was to board
with an old friend of my mothers,
who received me as favor into
strictly private family; and | confess
that when ! heard That it numbered
upon its list several young ladies,
pictured myself as making conquests;
for had no more doubt of my powers
of fascination than | had of my erudi
ton.
As | took my seat in tho train, fek
n contemptuous pity for the poor,
ignorant souls about me-for tho fat
man with tho luncheon in a greasy
newspaper; for the dandy with asinglc
eyeglass, and the plain, blunt-featured
mechanic with his tools in his bag.
versing with friend concerning
stocks filled mo with emotions of con-
tempt; for he was troubled by an oc-
casional desire to murder the Queens
English. And should have liked to
have posed the Methodist clergyman,
who was travelling with his wife and
large family-all twins-witil
Greek quotation or two. In fact, /
fancied that every one ought to know
that he was in the presence of Homer
y. jerks, B.A., agraduate of - Col
lege, and young man who, in the
opinion of his grandaunt Briggs,
"knew enough"
Possessed by the idea of my superb
ority to common mortals, l reversed
the. seat before me, placed my baggage
upon it, put up my feet. opened vol
ume, the cover Of which proclaimed
thatit was no light novel, and fell to
reading. However, the day was warm
the book sedative, and l shortly
closed my eyes "to rest them" Natur-
ally, the next thing to do. was to fall
asleep. did it; and only awakened
when thcTrain came to pause, and q
dozen passengers hustled in.
/ knnW that Qnmo nf thnn ofnnnaH
and looked ut the three seats which
had appropriated 20 myselfin connec-
ton with my own. But what were all
these common folk to Homer p jerks,
B.A., etc. | kept my feet up. | did
not move my parcels and pormanteau
from the cushion. In fact, | took no
notice of them whatever
Suddenly avoice uttered these words:
"Please move your feet; Il want to sit
down.
Tho tone WAS autocratie. | had
good mind to say MOI but somehow
courage failed me. Therefore, slowly
put down one foot after another, folded
my arms, and stared at nothing with
an air of supreme contempt, while the
lady squeezed herself in, pushed my
bag to one side, placed her own where
it had stood, and made herself gener-
ally comfortable-at tho same time
making room for an old gentleman of
very modest aspect, who was more po-
lite than she, and said, with your
kind permission" as he took his seat
As for the female-~I called her
female mentally-shew wore a long cloth
cloak that covered her from head to
foot, and thick blue veil over her
face. In her arms she carried pug
dog, with that hideous and derisive
black wrinkle across tho nose which
makes one fancy that demoniac spirit
dwells within tho swollen little body
of the queer creature. Pugs are my
detestation. IAN ugly old maidp' l
said to myself. "A very intrusive old
person" And as, at this moment. the
mild old gentleman looked amiably
towards me, it occurred to me to use
him as a vehicle for the expression of
my opinion as to persons of her age
and sex. Consequently nodded, and
said, .'Warmp'
He said, Eyes, for the season. And
thereupon began an Grafton. An old
maid, fancied, would have strong
minded Tendencies. Thereupon, to
infuriate her, l commented upon those
women who desired the suffrage with
extreme rancor.
Having finished this subject i began
upon woman's vanity. declared that
it lasted as long as life did-that no
woman was too old or plain to believe
that she made conquests. Then, hav-.
ing expressed my opinion on females
who carried dogs about in public, and
lavished upon them the affection they
should have reserved for their infants,
launched into little lecture on
Woman" and denounced her as an
inferior animal.
All this time the mild old gentleman
listened as 10 one who speaks with au-
thority, and merely replied with nod
or smile, o yes or no. He evidently
appreciated my conversation, but the
intrusive female whom desired to an
initiate simply giggled, and that very
derisively.
This irritated me SO much, that by
way of revenge | opened the window
and stuck my elbow out. 1t was very
windy and extremely cold, but bore
the discomfort bravely until the female
in the seat before me, after giving
several coughs, shivering and wrapping
a shawl about her person, turned the
blue veil toward me, and delivered
herself of these words:
"Shut that Window
1t was not request; 1t was de-
mand.
l felt under no obligation to reply
politely.
"If you feel draught, madam" l
said CURLY, "youcan change your seat.
There are others vacant in the car
rage"
There is one over there that would,
should say, be more comfortable"
said the old gentleman.
Tho woman instantly arose, carrying
her poodle with her, but leaving her
bags and parcels where they were.
"Ah,. these women" said to the old
gentleman. He shook his head. There
upon considering him my partisan and
being willing to confer favor upon
him, began to instruct him in the ele-
ments of several of the sciences, Civ
inc him such inflammation "a the good