Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1889-08-31
: FULL OF FUN.

--ADOuI year ago the DakoId ldru-
ers began to import cats to destroy the
mice in the wheat fields Now they
have got all the cats they want, and
are bowling for boot-jacks. -Burling-
ton Free Press.
Easily Cured. Western Doctor
''How's your wife, to-day?N Husband
-"She's convalescent, l think" W.
D.-"She is! Well. by grab, can
knock that out in short order. ~
brakes Magazine.
In verse he used to tell his love
And wrote he many sonnets,
But now, instead, he writes her checks
To pay for new spring bonnets.
Merchant Traveller.
MIR. Van Stine-"Your friend who
has just left us seems quite pessimist,
Miss Jones'" Miss Jones-"Oh, no.
Mr.. Wabash is an oculist, and they do
say one of the finest in the city,
Harper's Bazaar.
old Mrs. Wintergreen - what
bizness is the young man in tibet you're
engaged to?" Miss Wintergreen Gust
from boarding schooD -"He is a phar-
macist." Mrs. Wintergreen-'Is tibet
so, nowP Why heard he KEEP drug
store. America
"A negro who was giving evidence
in Georgia court was reminded by
the judge that he must tell the whole
truth. "Well, yer see, boss" said the
dusky witness, Use skeered to tell the
whole truth, for fear l might tell lie. "
lis your father speculatorP"
queried the first boy, as the two backed
up against the gate. 81 guess he is"
was the answer. Don't you knowP'
"Well, we have got out of paying rent
for the last six months, and l guess
father is sort Of speculator. detroit
Free Press
-PupiI-"Teacher, kin me and Bill
go an git pail O. waterP' Arkansas
Observation-Disclosures you go again.
How many times have ! got to tell you
that 1t amt good grammar to say nae
an Bill?" Pupil-"What ort l to sayp
Teacher-"Bill and me. Can't / never
learn you nothing~-Harpers Bazaar.
-Faher-"You girls should fix your
minds on something higher than dress.
One of the Girls-"That is what we
have, pa. We have got our minds fixed
on couple of lovely high hats down al
Mrs. Feathers millinery rooms. y
London Tid-Bits.
mo, Ihave nothing for you," the
; housewife said to tramp. You wer,
here last summer and | wanted you Il
beat the carpet" AN didn't l bea
; it, mum?n You know very we'll yol
didn't" ut seems to me l beat some
thing" "Yes, you did. You beat M
out of a dinner. "-Philadelphia In
quirer.
Mr.. Spouter,' said the spokes
man of the committee, 1--WE have called
to ask you, as the 'silver-tongued ora
tor of Biggsville,' to make a presenta
+ ton speech for us tomorrow evening
1t will be Gagstarter'S tenth weddin
anniversary, and we are going to Civ
. him little surprise" Gentlemen,
) replied Mr. Spouter, with some Sc
q verify, "can you expect u silver
tongued orator to speak at tin wed
'. ding"-Chicago Tribune.
"A gentleman who had lost his nos
'' was invited out to tea. my dear,
:, said the kind-hearted lady of tn
!" house to her little daughter, 81 wan
you to be very careful to make no re
mark about Mr.. Jenkins nose. Gath
cred around the table every thing wa
q going well. The child peeped abou
looked rather puzzled for long timI
v and at last startled the table witt
[. ma, why did you tell me to say notl
t. ing about Mr.. Jenkins nose? II
hasn't got any."-Golden days.
IL