Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-20
ALSO.

But figures will lie. Twice two is four, and twice one is, too.-Munsey's Weekly.
 The average small boy has many good points, no doubt, but they are mostly interro- gation points. Washington Capital.
 "Ah," said Reeder, ''it is little wonder that as people grow wealthy they begin to inquire into their ancestry. The shabby old first edition is worth more than the most gor- geously gilded reprint. ."-Puck.
 Lady of the house (to tramp)-"You eat as if you had never seen meal of victuals be- forel' Tramp-"Madam, you must excuse me. s'pose I do eat awkward, but the fact is I hain't had much practice lately. Life.
 Drug clerk (briskly)-"Insect powder3 Yes, ma'am. Here's some Swedish insect powder that's highly recommended" Gus answer. Mine are plain American insects. !" Drake's Magazine.
 At the barber's-Enter shock-headed coun- tryman, with almost bare chin. "Do you want shave or hair cuttings Thirty cents for the shave, fifty cents to cut your hair" "Well, then, you may shave ne, guess."- Fliegende Blatter.
 Housemaid-Thers is gentleman down stairs, ma'am, who is almost pulling the bell out, and says he wants the key to the fire alarm box Mistress Crushing to the mirror)- Ask him to send up his card, and tell him l will be down In few minutes.-Burlington ! Free Press.
 Mrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett is credited | with saying that if she had known the penal | ties of fame she wonld never have written a | line. And many little boy, weary of life, that goes about tricked out in Little Lord | Fauntleroy costume, wishes from the bottom of his aching heart that somebody had told Mrs. Burnett all about those penalties at the right time.-Chicago Tribune.
 Attorney-"Have you formed or expressed any opinion as to the guilt or innocence of the accused in this casea" Man drawn as 8 juror-''No, sir. Bat I have sometimes thought" Attorney (rising indignantly i-"Your Honor, this man acknowledges thai he sometimes thinks. It is hardly necessary to say that we shall challenge him ss jurol in this case" Chicago Tribune.
 citizen who owns several fancy farml was sitting in his office yesterday when trampish- looking fellow with his righ thumb wound up in rag climbed the stair and asked for quarter. "Why should turist. "Beoause I can't work" "Whe1 did you work lasta" "All last week." "What were you doing?' ''Husking corn; that'
 what made my thumb sore." 'Oh, that's it husking corn, chs We'll, here's your quar. ter." The man had been gone half an hou, before sudden thought came to the farmer Then he leaped up with the exclamation "By gosh! but believe he liedl Of course he didl We haven't even cut our corn yetl' l-Detroit Free Press.
 Daniel Come to Judgment.-"Yousa say, asked the justice, ''that the defendan
 knocked your hat over your eyes and kicked you off the stoop when you presented thu
 billf' "Yes. sir" replied the prosecuting
 witness "It was gas bill" "Yes, you honor, and it was right; took the figures of
 the meter myself" "And you swear it wal
 correcta" ''Yes, your honor." "Six month
 for perjury; if you say another word, wit
 ness, I'll fine you thousand dollars for con
 tempt. Take him away" And remarkinl ! to the clerk that he burned some gas him
 self, his honor calmly proceeded to send al
 Anarchist to jail for stealing box of soap
 half dozen Turkish towels, and tooth | hrush -Rrooklyn Eagle