The National tribune., 1889-02-21
A SOUTHERN WIT.

Hon. John NJ. Allen, of Mississippi, has the
largest fund of humor of any of the Repre-
sentatives of the Solid South. AS rule these
gentlemen are "grand, gloomy and peculiar"
They affect unbending dignity as they do black
frock coats and fve-syllabled words. But Al
len is a jolly fellow, and always has q quip or
a jest for every occasion. Shortly after the
election some of his fellow Democrats went to
him with the remark that the later news was
more encouraging-that the thing was not so
bad as at first reported.
"Yes," said Allen, "that reminds me of an
occurrence down in our country. One of our
prominent citizens met with an accident while
away from home, and his friends telegraphed
his widow: Your husband met with an acct
dent this afternoon. His leg, his arm and his
neck are broken A little later she received
another telegram, which read: The accident
is not so bad as at first reported. Only his
neck and his arm are broken. His leg is all
right"
At the last meeting of the Six O'clock Club
MIR. Allen gave an amusing account of his ex-
perence at the battle of Stone River, in which
he took part as a member of Mississippi regi
ment He was put out on the skirmish-line,
and with another man was stationed behind
pile of rails.
Directly his partner remarked, in most lugu-
brious tones:
"John, you have no family depending upon
you; put up your head and see if the Yankees
are coming"
Allen did as requested, and reported that
there were lots of Yankees in sight, but as yet
they were not advancing.
90, Lord" groaned the unhappy Mississip-
| plan, if this amt the awfuIIest place to put a
man with family. That man Bragg isn't ft
| to command any body, to expose men this way
to the risk of being killed. He haint any sense
at all. l wonder what Davis was thinking
| about when he put him in command of the
army. shall write to Mr.. Davis. if ever get
out of this, and give him my opinion of this
man Bragg"
Just then he caught sight of a bird sitting
| contentedly on limb above him.
| 40, bird" said he, IF I had your wings I'd
be in Mississippi before night"
A New YORK teacher of ethics defines preiu-
dice to be a pre-determination based upon
twisted and distorted facts" So glad to know
it. We had supposed it was mainly lack OF
| sense.
THE election seems to have given the Cleve-
land luck" general black eye. The Presi-
dents brother-the Rev. W. n. CleYeland-fail-
ed to receive the election to the pastorate OF
the Southampton, L. l., Presbyterian Church
by vote of so to 80. 1t was alleged against
him that he made Secession speech during
the war. 1t was also shown that in an address
on Memorial Day at Forestport, N. Y, eight
years ago, he spoke very disparagingly of sol
diers generally.
A SAND BAR stops steamers progress, but q
lack of sand is a great bar to a mans progress
THE fall of History building in Chicago
will tend to curb the propensity of people o.
that city to eeouomize in real estate by extend.
ing their houses toward the moon. As the
State of Illinois has $1,000 square miles O.
mighty good building lots, it would seem as i
there should be room enough to build without
occupying more space in the air than ON the
earth Then there is usually trouble abOu
towers Remember the one at Babel.
Rev. Dr. Heber Newton thinks the worli
needs new religion. What it needs a grea
deal worse is to have its people make better u.s.
of the religions it already has.
Jay Gould may leave no footprints on tn,
sands of time" but his tracks reach clear acrOs
the Continent.
The fellow who said "Tm saddest when
sing " must have lost all his good chants. Ola
gram furnished with this.)
ENGLAND sends more letters aud postal card
to this country than any other. Last year sh
sent 9,672, 100 here, a large proportion of which
was probably duns from London tailors to thei
dude customers in New York appeals from
! English manufacturers to their Mugwuml
friends TO do all they could for the success o
Free Trade in the campaign, and urgent en-
treaties from bankrupt Lords to their friend
to find them rich American wives.
THE ruthless iconoclast is after another s2cret