davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Not Ready for Suicide.

A young man about % years CT age, dressed
like farmer, had his feet on the car seat in
front Of him and was reading q novel, when
one of the boys went over to him and OBJ
served:
I've just made a bet of S5 on you"
"On me! What is it,"
I've bet IS that you will suicide within q
week. I've been watching you very closely
for the last half hour, and all signs indi-
cate melancholy and dependency Have you
selected any particular line of killing yourself
poison, the rope. drowning or hangingf'
did you actually bet $5m anxiously asked
the young man
Il did"
PAY if you losei"
I'm have to-"
That's too bad. wish could have seen
you last week"
why last week.
Because I then had the ager every day
right along COWS were sick on my hands
my girl had gone dead back on me, and
expected wind mill man was going to beat
me out of S40O Ibid kinder think Of suicide. i"
'But nowl"
'All is changed. Cows got well-ager all
gone-gal has set the day for next Wednes-
day, and the wind mill man is straighter than
board. Durn my hide if hain't going to
try and live five thousand yearsr'-New York
Sun.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
A Spoiled Child.
Life.
You Have Seen Him.

Oh. there S an individual who everywhere atounds;
through cars and shops and Offices he makes his
busy rounds,
And in and out forever he is going DER and DER.
To keep somebody after him attending to the door
In su!try summer. when to catch a cooling breeze
we've tried.
And carefully have opened every door and win
dow wide,
Tis then you may be certain. as he vanishes from,
sight,
Hen die but that he'll close the door. and close it
very tight.
But W hen the winds Of winter come with cold and
biting breath,
oh, then is when the awful wretch is tickled most
to death.
Ills sense of pleasure reaches 70 a point that is
sublime:
lie never fails TO leave the door wide open every
time
Chicago Herald.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Robbinr the Corpse of Its Sex.

Good natured Dr. - in his later years
has grown very deaf. One day he was asked
to make the address at a funeral, and in his
forid manner began the introduction. Then
he continued: 'My dear friends, noble
man has departed" The sexton tugged him
by his gown and whispered: "A woman!"
"A noble man has gone from earth" "A
woman, woman!" was again whispered.
"A noble man has passed to life eternal" :"
"a woman.' was finally shouted in his ear.
and all went well afterward. but the solemn
ity was gone from, that funeral.-Jewish
Messenger.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
1t Was Il Feeling.

colored man who was evidently in poor
circumstances called at Gratiot avenue
hardware store the other day and asked for a
door lock, and while he was looking at line
of them the merchant said:
You can't be afraid of burglars"
But l ar" was the reply.
Have you got anything to be stolen"
mo, san. Haint got geo worth of stuff in
de house."
"Then why do you fear burglarss'
''It haia't cause 'spect dey would stea!
anything. but because doan' want to be
woke up in the night and see a burglar at de
foot of de- bed an hear him say: Now, Reu
ben, you hand over dat bag Of gold or I'll put
six bullets into yer"
But yon have no gold"
Oats jist it. He'd think was lynn an
shute me."-DetrOit Free Press.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

Wantono-What's the matter, Blankleyl
You're all bunged up, as though you had
been in fight, and vet you look beaming
and smiling over it all.
Blankiey-The fact SIS, l have all along
thought my boy Harold sort Of fiat chesi-
ed chump, and the other day undertook to
give him some boxing lessons. This is the
result of the first one. Oh, I'm proud Of that
boy-West Shore
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

A sudden Disappearance.
A pedestrian coming down Woodward ave
nue. yesterday met a pedestrian going up, a!
will sometimes happen, and the upward
bound asked the downward bound, or a,
least tried to ask him:
"W-w-which w-a-a-way do go to find
B-B-B-B"---
ITO find what"
''B-B-B-B"-
'Do you want to find streetr
"Y-y-yes. sir"
What street is it,"
"It is B-B-B"--
"You seem to be afflicted" said the down
bound man. as the other choked off.
''Yy-yes, SIR"
IF | were You I'd hold peach stone in my
mouth
"Eh?"
''Or I'd carry pencil and paper and write
down my wants
"Y-y-you would. chr
"Yes. sir. / have no time to waste on q
man who stut-tut-tut-ters as bad as you do
Ask that man on the bench
''S-s-sayr called the other
'.Wellr
''It's-it's all gone now. and you are liar
and a horse thief, and can lick you ali t.
smash in just two minutes. I'll give you just
half a second to apologies, and if you don't
do it, PIP
But the other ran out and boarded cal
and got away.-Detroit Free Press.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Carries Nin;l,cma.icA.

Carrie came home from school the other
day rather depressed about her examination
"How did you set ca VAIN your questions.
asked mamma
"Tm not sure Of but just ,!1-stion. but
I know got that right"
"What was itr'
"A man was born i'll 1871 and died in 1883:
how old was het'
And what was your crsIv2r2"
"Oh, added 1871 and 1855 together. 1t
made an awful old man. goess it must have
been nethuseIah. ah."-Harper's Young People.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

A Punls.

Mother Ito Kittie, who is not too modest 10
be vain,-Did you have pleasant evening
At Auntie Bells, dears
kittie-Delightful. mamma. Everything
was 50 pleasant, and Mr. Postlethwaite told
me was as pretty as a picture
Mother-You must not listen to fiatterers,
Kittie.
Kittie tvery thoughtfully)-I know it isn't
sensible but, mamma dear, how shall know
they flatter, unless listen to them s.Har-
per's Young People
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Never.

The Young Man (oitterlyJ-Ii that is your
final answer, Miss Cabiff, be it so. There is
one refuge for the desperate soul-one last
resting place for the broken heart! Fare
well!
The Young Woman tslarmedl-In mercys
I fname, Mr.. kedjoe, what are you about to dol
81 am going to offer myself to Victoria
Polhernus.r
with scream, "What, Throw yourself
away on that vinegar faced oii-stay.
Charles. II Chicago Tribune.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

NnccUote Ot tie Conductor and the 10y.
Boy jumps on street car to steal ride. OBJ
served by watclIful conductor. Soliloquy by
conductor: AHA, my lad, I'm onto you.
Appears suddenly in front Of boy. "Pay your
fare or get OFF," Boy gives conductor dime
and gets change. Conductor rings bell punch.
Discovers presently dime has been plugged.
Soliioquy: Cant play that game on me. you
young rascalr" Goes to boy. Here, boy!
This dime won't do. It's no good. Pay your
fare or get OFF, Boy: well, here's your
nickel back. Give me the dime. Thanks"
Gets off. Conductor ponders q moment.
Looks at bell punch. Retires to rear platform
and kicks shimself.-Chicago Tribune.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
4 LusuS NaturT.

And who mousht that be-" asked the new
cook. who IVES being shown through the
rooms by the chamber maid while the family
were at dinner. as they stopped before a por-
trait OF the owners father taken when he
was between * and So
"Why, that's masters father"
"Lawh's a :nassy! Wei, never did 'ear
ct father hein' younger than his SON.
judge
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
ApproNiate,

"Ws want good name for our town"
"Yes. Something ike 'Yonkers ON Hud
som or Manchester by the Sea- ehs"
"Yes. How would sBoomtown on Paper.
doY-Nwasey' Weekly.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
A Dnbiaus Compliment

He-How beautiful those flowers are They
remind me Of you.
She-But they are artificial flowers. There
is nothing real about them.
He-Yes. I know that as soon as I looked
at them-Texas Siftings
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
A Ready Compromise.

mamma, where is my hatr yelled
Tommy.
Just where you left it," replied mamma
Tommy rubbed the end of his nose for q
moment, and then said:
Mamma, ii you won't tell me where it is
won't you please tell me where left itf'-
Harpers Young People
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Definite.

Mr.. Stayathome-What are you going to
do with the shears, John!
John Gust from Engiand,-Hi'm goin' to
trim tine hedge Of the edge. sir.-New Yurk
Sun.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
the CHICAGO, ROCK ISLAND { PACIFIC HALLWAY,


Ry ,Sn T6s 1Fss & fHts t. and Sq 5cs
ToPska
lsf Fof. ssno II the % m csoroao
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
In a DeptIst's Odace.

''Say. look ct these teeth' You warrant
ed them for a year and two Of them. are
broken already"
''What is your business"
II am an end man in a minstrel company
THAT accounts for it, You have been
cracking old chestuuts. Lowell Citizen.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Merely An Oversicht.

Scrgeant-There You so again-shootiIg
200 high! What's the matter with you?
Raw MarLs;nan-Merely an oversight Oh.
my part, sir.-Lawrerce American.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Cyclopean Exercise.

Sophomore-DiL you ever notice what sre-
mendous muscles Cutler has!
New Tresl,nan-Yes: | su-.:ose he got
them rowing on the Crew, ,.i,.us b.!
Sophonore-Naw; carve, at the hash
house. Burlington Free Press
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
fifty Cents a Dozen.

She ito suitor who is in the egg lsIsinessl-
OF all the feathered songstsrs whose notes do
you prefera
He trefectively,-To tell the truth, the lay
of the Zen suits me pretty well--Boston
Herald
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

Sarcastic individual tpointsdly,-wsli ~
1po6 aren't al dead yet
h Other Nan-WhatS ths mats9-hnrr
No tel wealiLTlnA
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
WhT He Ate IL.

"Why do you want pastry for breakfast,
John!r asked Mrs McCork.c
Because believe in early pie-x:y," re-
piled iJohn.-Ycnovne's News
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Shy In Her Left Eye.

4 Indy with n >9.ln; ID her eye called on
Johnnie's nlo:,iel'. liter she bad gone, he
looked up and sail
''lirs. D's nice lady. isn't shef'
sVae aa,r ~
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
Fnct. v.r.us Sentiment.

During courtship.
He-What name shall l invent for thee.
dearest! What appellation that in q single
word can express all my souls desire. all my
heart, all my passion, all
She exceedingly unromantic,-We,l, Mr..
Highflown, what's the matter with calling
me Anna .c-ia Jane. As name s allus
been good enough for me, and I'm thinkin'
it'll have to be good enough for you.-Judse
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

Very Fat Gentleman Sonny, can you tell
NE the quickest way can get to the stationi
Very Naughty Boy tafter looking him over
carefully)-I sh'd say you'd better lay down
n roll over bout twice-Munsey's Weekly.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

''Only shes awfully say in her i,ft eve.
commented Johnnie.-Harp.r's Young Pc,.
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12

Sieepers
between chicago Coorado Denver
s s daily a. ws Smocs oF % s
Peef Msnou Gods
Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
The Pace That Kills.
A Match for tho Old Man,

A single argument in favor of the wires.-
Time
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-03-26
IMPORTANT
WANTED.

WILL the farmers of your county
w increase or diminish the acre
age of cotton or tobacco? Will they
increase or diminish the use of COM
mercial fertilizers ? Has the acreage
of wheat and oats been increased or
diminished What is the condition
or prospect of these crops?
Are your farmers increasing the
acreage of grass and clover? Are
they economizing and trying to get
out of debt, and how :? Are they
making as many mortgages as usual ?
What are the evidences that they
are trying to make their farms self
sustaining?
What is the general condition Of
the Alliance in your county ? What
Alliance enterprises are started or are
in contemplation in your county :?
What proportion of the farmers of
your county belongs to the Alliance =?
Every member of the Alliance in
your county should possess the infor-
nation sought by these questions.
Every Alliance member in the State
should have it. How can they get it
Take this paper to your county meet
ing and read these questions in open
Alliance and discuss them and decide
on the answer to each one. Select
some brother who has the art of con-
denSing and instruct him to communi-
cate your answers to The PROGRESSIVE
FARMER. Thus we will have a birds
eye view of the condition of the farm
ers and of the Alliance throughout the
whole State. It will be not only in
teresting but exceedingly valuable to
our farmers. 1t is just the informa-
ton that all of us want and need. We
trust every County Alliance will see
to it that as accurate and full informa-
ton on these points be furnished us as
is possible. The brethren will find
that the discussion of these subjects
will be instructive, interesting and
profitable to all.
The PROGRESSIVE FARMER desires to
be, at all times and in every way, as
useful as possible to the farmers of the
State, and it feels that it can render a
very valuable service by devoting the
necessary space to this object. Do
not fail to let US have it.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-03-26

stood by us-some of 'em-and how
some of the farmers deserted us, I am
ashamed of the name almost. But
there is a "sweet bye-and- bye" in
politics, and don't You forget it The
great big majority that passed the
bill in the House is entitled to the
thanks of the people, but what do
you suppose $4,000 Alliance men
and so, 900 men who don't belong to
the Alliance, who wanted that bill to
pass, is going to do about it ? The
Senate just said to the capitalist !:
"Come down here to North Carolina,
and build a. many roads as you
please, where you please and how you
please and run them a. you please
and charge what you please and make
as much out Of our people as you
please and do as you please and pay
what tax you please and "none shall
dare to modest or make you afraid"
That's what the Senate says. What
do the people say? You will hear
later. VIZ know how these men were
elected and who elected them. When
[ was a little shaver [ was in the shop
n rainy day where my father was
making a pair of plow-handlss, and
talking about a neighbor who cheated
him in swapping pigs, he said: MY
boy, if a nan betrays you one time it
is his fault, but if he does it the Sec
ond time it is yow fault There are
several counties in this State where
every voter ought to paste that vote
inside his clock and write that SEN
tence in big letters right under it.
SHORT GRABS.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-03-26

and multiplies the little. comforts
which go to make a~home of pleasure
and happiness and finds at the end OF
the year that his property has doubled
in value, he has done we'll, although
during that time he has not had at
any n time as much as one hundred
dollars in actual cash. He has time
to SOW grass and clover, wheat, oaUS
and rye. He has time to look after
his cattle, hogs and sheep. He has
time to make manure and to improve
his lands. He has time to keep his
buildings, shelters, &c, in repair and
to add to them. He has time to look
after his orchard and other fruits.
His wife, dear, devoted woman, IN
stealing of wearing out her life IN
cooking for a lot of negroes to work
cotton, has time to look after the
adornment and beautifying OF her
home, to attend to her milk and but
ter, eggs, garden, bees, chickens and
other poultry, and with all this they
have a little time to spare socially with
their neighbors and to go to church.
Such a man is a. freeman. He is an
honor to his calling. His life and
methods elevate and dignity the voca-
ton. He has demonstrated to his
boys that farming is not necessarily a
life of drudgery and slavery. He
thus educates his girls that the
bronzed cheek of the farmer boy
sweetheart is not a badge of dishonor.
Here is a picture of two classes OF
farmers. To which, dear reader, do
you belong?
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-03-26

only reference made to Commissioner
Robinson in our article was in these
words Given Commissioner Robinson
worked day and night against it. "
For which the urbane Commissioner
says: al ammuch obliged to Col. Polk
for having given me SO much credit
in the matter" mot at all y "Don't
mention it !r' "You are heartily well
come !!!!"- But we beg to call his
special attention to our words. We
said: " Worked day and night against
it." but we did not say what influence
his work had or how much was &C
complished by it. This, perhaps, will
appear later.
He published to the world that
"Polk, Leazer and Primrose" we're
the authors Of the bill. land with
some people it would be considered a
fairly good committee, Mr.. Com
missioner. But it perhaps would
do no harm to tell the truth
about it and say that these gentlemen
were all amvated to a meeting Of farm
ers of the Legislature in which>forty-
five of them were present, and were
selected and appointed on a committee
of five (the other two. being Senators
Lucas and CampbelI to draft the bill
and hat the bill was drawn in perfect
accordance wah the vlea0s Of that meeting.
The Commissioner in his exceedingly
communicative mood even went so
far as to publish what Madame Rumor
had to say of certain gentlemen and
made that venerable old Dame impute
by implication, to certain of these
gentlemen, sinister motives. The old
lady had told him that Polk was to be
Secretary, Mr.. Mcdonald his assistant
and Mr.. Leazer to be President of the
college,. This is certainly mee0s to US
for we had never before heard it in
timated and for the comfort of the
Commissioners we desire to inform him
that we are in no sense to be consid-
cred as an aspirant or a candidate for
his position. We are entirely satisfied
with the important. duty of wortsng
and a0atchtng for the farmers in u
present capacity, and could and would
not accept any place in the gift of any
Board, or official, of the State. We
must stay where we a watch and
expose the schemes for deceiving the
farmers. No, Mr.. Commissioner old
Mrs. Rumor misled you've do not
want your place. We hope you will
rest easy and sleep well, on that score.
When we come to discuss the bill
which he boasts of having killed, we
shall show that he was about as correct
in stating it's features as he was in the
matters referred to and we may show
why the party that attempted to do
something great for agriculture "
should have been guilty of the I'M
pardonable crime of not comforting
or consulting the Commissioner
Agriculture"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-03-26
THE BUREAU OF LABOR STA
TISTICS.

NOVERNOR Fowle removed Mr..
" w. N. Jones as Commissioner
and appointed Hon. &c. Scarborough
in his stead. This Bureau has been
sustained by a fund from our Agricul-
tural Department. The law provided
for the sum of three thousand dollars
to be expended on it last year, but
that only two thousand dollars should
be applied this year. There was a
strong inclination in the Legislature
to abolish the Bureau, but it was not
done and the law was not amended.
The salary of MIR. Jones was $500,
and of his Clerk, Mr.. Broughton,
$1,000, leaving $500 to pay for Office
expenses, stationery, printing, &c.
But it leaves Mr.. Scarborough in an
awkward and we fear helpless con
dition. He has only $4,000 from
which the salary of himself and of his
Clerk, Mr.. W. S. Harris, is to be
drawn and the expenses of running
his Office, which of course is imprac,
ticable. The Bureau either should
have been furnished with necessary
funds to run it, or it should have been
abolished.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-03-26
TWO FARMERS
Their Methods for Making None,

Their Methods for Making Money.
THE first selects his best land for
Il cotton. Depends on commercial
fertilizers. Buys his meat, bread, hay,
fertilizers and everything on a credit
mt ruinous profits. Is driven from the
krst of January to the last day of the
rear by his cotton crop, to the neglect
Of the improvement of his land, the
Improvement of his stock, houses,
fences &c. He is in debt, interest is
8ecumulating and he feels that he
Mast be able to count 80 many dollars
m g~reenbacks. as the proceed of his
crop. His idea of good and success
fnl farming is to see at the end of the
year a certain amount of money IN
RctuaL cash as the result of his labor.
He does not calculate the ruinous cost
Mt which this money is made. He
does not see that for every dollar he
thus receives, he has paid one hundred
and fifty cents. But he sits down at
the end of the year in a cherries
home, wearied and dispirited and sur
sounded by ignorant children. and
complains to his faithful. and over
worked wife that the merchants have
ruined him, that the seasons have been
against him and that he is living in
she poorest State in the Union. He
has worked hard, his family has
worked hard and they have lived hard,
but his money is all gone and he
still is unable to lift the all-devouring
mortgage. That man and his family
are slaves.
The second starts out by fixing in
his mind the determination to keep
out of debt and to raise his W sup
plies. He does not believe that a
farmer can get rich in one, or five, or
Ten years. He does believe that he
tan gain and improve every year.
He knows that mankind must have
something besides cotton. He believes
that if his land and stock and houses,
orchards and other comforts of home
are improved every year, that he is
accumulating wealth in its most solo
and useful form, whether he ever pro
duces a single bale of cotton or not
liz he makes his own fertilizers, raises
his own meat, bread, hay and stool
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-03-26
ANO Their ALLIANCE WARE
HOUSE.

XXTE admire and applaud the con-
w servatism which characterizes
che Alliance in our State in the mat
ter of inaugurating new enterprises.
In the main such action is guarded by
caution and prudence, as it should and
rs it must be, if these enterprises sue
eee6. The Alliance warehouses which
have been established at Henderson,
R~eidsville, Oxford and Durham are
m reported as doing well and their
success has been satisfactory. They
are prudently and economically man
aged. To-day we add another to the list
which we have no doubt with it's en-
eouraging surroundings and with the
excellent directory that is to control it,
will be a success. The stockholders
of the Capitol Alliance Warehouse
Company met in this city and organ
lied. The counties Of Wake, Chat
ham, Nash, Vance and Franklin were
represented. They elected as Directors
VI B. Upchurch of Wake, j.. M.
Green of Vance, Thos. J. York of
Nash, G. r. Scott of Chatham, G.. L.
Aycock of Franklin, and w. G.
Stronach of Wake.
S. Ohio Wilson was elected Manager,
". B. McGhee Secretary and Treas
arer, and z. T. Broughton Auctioneer.
The Company has secured the splen-
did Stronach Warehouse and will
open for business on Monday, the 18th
INST, and the grand special sale will
lake place on the Sd of April.