The morning news., 1889-04-25
BRIGHT BITS.

JOSEPHINE BEDURD, the faster, claims that she
has lived on electricity seven years. But so has
Edison, and supported his family, too-Albqny
Journal.
WHAT is dude, anyway? He is the graceless
| son Of Egotisn and Stupidity; his sisters are
| Vanity and Heartlessness, There is only one
thing to praise about him, and that is he lives
IN harmony with the rest of the famlly.-Teras
| SUtings.
Mrs. MANHATTAE-But what a hopelessly
vulgar lot those JOueseS arel Why, hear that
| MIR. Jones pays all of his bills cash, aud Mrs
| Jones, to my personal knowledge, will go shop
| ping for pair of gloves and carry them home
herself Life.
LANGUoR OF THOSE WHO LrNGER. Anything
| else sir?n
Belated Traveller to Bermuda-Aw, yes
a-another BOTTLE Snodkins and ah you might
scweam or-a-something. I-a-beleve some
body fell into the a-water, just now.-Iine.
Rev. HEBER NEWTON thinks the world needs
new religion. II he refers to brand of theology
that will permit a young man to attend a
church fair without being seduced into paying
% for lVcent pin cushion he will find many
persons to agree with him in his belief.-NorriS-
toton Herald.
| CoNsIDERATE-Mos Hey, Schwartz
hund, we're you go away so gvfck alretty before
dot subber?
Schwartzhund-Sc -Schnelgelt, de vatchmaker.
yust cum up stairs init his bants bust ia haaf.
sell EN- to him yesterday, a bargain. Maybe
he feel bad und don't want to seem me alretty,
amt it?-Life.
GAsToN- That rascal z. asked me just now to
lend him 100 francs.
Gustave-Did you lend it?
GSston-Certainly not; he already owes me
that amount.
Gustave-Perhaps he wished to pay you.
Gaston-Thats so. | never thought of that.
What fooi l was!-ABlericd.
A RECEPTION TO NoBIL1TY.-British Tourist lin
Park Row restalrant)-Waitah, you may bring
me Oystah-cwabs dppedin oil, terwapin wagout,
Swiss bwead and pint of Yellow LABEL
Tne Waiter with an excess of veneration)-
Say, Jimmy, tell der Speeters ter strike up
God Save d Queen. D. Prince f Wales is
camel-Puck.
THOUGHT He SAW DIFFERENCE Maria, do
you remember that fine dinner you got np all by
yourself on the day asked you to be miner
Yes, indeed, George"
Everything was splendid"
II am sure iJ was "
"Ah. wish yonr mother was living with US
now, Maria. Puck.
Too ooD.-Customer-Say, this rife you sold
me yesterday is no good.
Dealer-What Is the matter with it?
CuStOmer-It shoots too accurately.
DeaLer-Why, isnt that just what you want?
Customer-I guess not. I'm the proprietor of
shooting gallery, and l give prizes to those
who score the highest number of points,
Yankee Blade.
PRoF, BoRUs-I am SO sorry you weren't here
this afternoon, Miss Gladys, to hear my paper
on ASSyF1an DaS relletS. Ine deep attention
with which it was listened to for over two hours
was quite remarkable.
Miss Qaays-Ah. sir. it was an allLwise and
merciful providence that kept me away Other
wise, assure you, should have been here
Buffalo Courier.
WIFE uime. midnigntl-Pretty time of night
for you to come homeland in such scondtion.
too
Husband-M dear, its (hic) only fright L
stepped in at zee michrospic s'iety rooms and
mi dear, looked at sh0me water in michros-
chope, midear-zhe water drink, mi dear;
and, sure ri live. mi'dear, l show it full of
snakes. Mershy on mel Zhe EN- yet.-NeU
York WeekIu.