The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1889-11-16
ELECTION DAY AND NIGHT.
RY MRS. JOGGLES.

Know Joggles? He's nv invalid hus-
band. Doesn't know enough to come in
when it rains. If he did he'd stay out
and get soaking wet to oblige his polit
ical party.
Joggles is passably domestic and in
telligent except at election time. About
a week before election he begins to act
up. He saddles the party on his back
and begins to grow thin and pale and
nervous. His mind is filled with major
tiles, straights, splits, slips, canards and
candidates.
I give him Hail CoIumbia-I have even
kept him awake all night talking to him
but it does little or no good. The old
crank is figuring out net gain of % in
the second ward all the time I'm talking,
and when forced by exhaustion to stop
for a moment, he looks at me with glist-
ening eyes, reaches out his paw and
yells:
"Whoop! shake! I tell you, we've got
'emr'
The closer it gets to election day the
more of an idiot he comes. Strange men
come to the house, and he takes them out
on the porch for whispered converse
ton, during which they nod and gesture
and chuckle and shake paws. He is
called out of bed to stand on the front
gers who may be midnight assassins for
all I know. l wish they were. wish
they'd hit him with sand bag and rem
der him unconscious until after election.
He slips out nights and without asking
my advice or consent, and along towards
midnight, after have got the whole po-
lice force looking for him, he comes
sneaking in and confidentially whispers:
Say, Hammer, it's all fixed to run Bilker
in the rty-eleventh ward, and his cleo
ton assures US grand victory all along
the liner'
"You old Idiot! but what do l care
about Bilker or your grand victory" |
yell at him.
Ssh! Don't talk so1oud or the opposi-
ton will get on to our racket"
And the way he and the rest of 'em
write communications to the papers
signed "Pro Bono Publico," "Veritas,"
"Workingman" and Taxpayer" is per-
fectly awful. I've known Joggles to sit
down and write whole yard of stuff,
claiming to : know exactly what
allied the country, and furnishing polit-
ical panacea for it, sign it Truth" and
send it off to appear next morning in
print and scare half the country to
death. Joggles know what ails the
country! Why, he doesn't know wart
from SGOQ0-DrulSe.
1t is on election day that his vivid
foolishness glares like an electric light.
He gets up half an hour earlier, gulps
down hasty breakfast, and rushes off
to peddle tickets and challenge votes
and see to bringing out the full vote.
He doesn't 60 though before l have said
to him:
goggles, you are a fiat-footed IDIOT!
You turn with q crank You ought to be
turned out with kangaroos! You"
"We'l make the majority 100 all
around and bury the opposition out of
sightr he e1claims, looking at me in
such dreadful way that I feel shivers
race up and down my spine.
AT noon / hear that he has bet our
house and lot on his favorite candidate.
At 3 o'clock that he has been pounded
all to jelly.
At 6 that he has also bet the baby and
the cook-stove on majorities.
At 8 that he has offered to bet me
against $15 overcoat.
At 10 that he has gone to political
headquarters to stay a week, and that
when some one asked after my health he
replied: :,
"Furs' rate-tuff's. ole rhinosceros an
twice's ugly! 'Rah! fur our sider'
At midnight l kick his Sunday plug
hat across the floor, fling his slippers
out doors and smash his pipe and go to
bed. I'll settle with Mr.. Jogglesswhen
he comes home, and if blood is
split the law must hold me blameless.
At noon next day he comes home in a
hack, hat smashed, pockets inside out,
coat-tails torn off and $50 suit of
clothes completely gone. His hat is on
the back of his head, his eyes bloodshot,
and beer stains all over his vest. i arm
myself to slaughter him, but he begins to
cry and protest:
"Shay, Hammer, go light on 'er fellerl
Hull ticket got cleaned out by 100 ma
iority, an I've come home FER dier'