Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-11-03
SHE WAS DECEIVED.
HUM1LIATING CONFESSIONS OF A
YOUNG BENEDICT.
The Bride Discovers After Marriage
That he was Not All He
Seemed to Be.
From the Chicago Herald

scribed in detail time and time again. Ac-
counts humorous and pathetic have been
written on the last collar button, the sus-
penders fastended with pin or a nail, the
bed that has not been made up for a week,
the necktie that has fallen down behind
the bureau, etc. was bachelor once
and have consequently been through all
this.
The woes of married life have been de-
scribed in poetry and prose. Due atten-
ton has been paid to the literary wife who
runs off Immediately after breakfast and re-
mains away all day, to the society wife who
lies abed until noon and drags her tired
husband out nights, to the disagreeably
cleanly housewife who makes her lord
and master take off his boots in the
vestibue lest he soil the hall carpet,
and many other varieties of wife. But
there is one species of worry and trouble
that comes with marriage that l have
never heard mentioned. Until man gets
used to it it is enough to make him wish
he could drop into some convenient hole /;
it makes him realize what a worthless
wretch he is.
1 am married ard l know whereof
speak. l am very much married, two
clergymen having done their utmost to tie
the knot as hard and fast as possible. My
wife has none of the failing married men
are wont to rail about, but she made me
miserable at first. At times l have walked
along the Lake Shore drive and debated
the ACCESSIBILITY of throwing myself over
the seawall to escape the torture. Pll tell
you how it was, and see if other young
married men have not experienced similar
woes.
You see, was acquainted with my wife
before | married her. This is not a partic-
ularly startling or sensational statement,
but the fact has a bearing on the story. |
used to call on her quite frequently in
those days, and | always made due prepara-
ton. | used to browse around in the top
drawer of my bureau until l found my
prettiest necktie, skirmish under the bed
until my shiniest pair of patent leather
shoes was brought to light, pull down the
clothes in my closet until l had secured
my last and most stylish suit. When
finally arrayed came about as near being
a dude as | ever have. A microscope
would have failed to locate speck of dust.
All this had its effect, and my wife that
was to be, as afterward learned, frequently
told her sister that one thing she particu-
larly liked about George was that he was
so neat and tidy in everything. Fortu-
nately, during this time she never saw my
room Just after had completed my toilet.
Well, we we're married, and l said to
myself: "Old fellow, now you've got to
brace up" | had been telling myself for
some time that the Lohengrin wedding
march would mark the beginning of new
era, and / meant it. / meant it just as
much as the man does who determines he
will stop smoking the first of next month.
The bridal tour may be dismissed with few
words. Everything was lovely on that.
But when we returned tie Chicago and set
tied down in the little house we had Sc
cured-then the ordeal began.
'Now, George" she said, 1--WE settle down
to the realities of life. | know how much
depends on little things in the home and
will do my best to make yours pleasant"
| had no fault to find with this and told
her she could make it just as pleasant as
she wished.
That was the beginning.
The next morning, when | got up to
dress, | was feeling in excellent humor.
We were in ~our own home, where we
could do as we pleased. l whistled
few strains of the wedding march, and
went to the closet to find my slippers.
| ran nay foot along a row of shoes that
stood in the far corner, but did not feel
what 1 wanted. The wedding march
grew faint as l stopped down and began
to pull the shoes into the middle Of the
closet, and it died out entirely as |
emerged and got down on my hands and
knees to look under the bed.
"There's the blamedest, meanest pair
of slippers that ever were built" | sug-
gested with some force. Those slippers
can beat anything l ever saw at playing
hide-and seek. | never could find them
under half an hour"
Then | looked up. Minnie seemed
trihe hurt.
"Why, put your slippers right at the
foot of the bed for you," she said.
| Gained down, kissed her, and said of
course l ought to have known, but | wasn't
"But, George" she said, "you haven't
been in the habit of leaving your slippers
under the bed, have you? always thought
you were so neat and tidy"
"Of course not, my DEAR" l replied. II
must have been crazy to look there. l
always put them away in the closet"
"But that isn't the place for them,
George" she protested. "There's slip
per case right on the door,"
She looked as if she had been sadly dis
appointed in me, and l felt that | was
deceitful wretch, but | excused myself on
the plea that we had been travelling
so much that / had forgotten Just where
everything did belong. Then l contin-
ued my dressing, and got along swim
mingly until it came to the question of
clean shirt. l yanked one out of the bu-
reau drawer with scant ceremony and took
a hasty glance around the room. Then |
took more careful survey. l looked be-
hind the bureau, between the bed and the
wall and explored the closet floor again.
well, by crackyp l said, 81 believe
We got tue pOOIcob hlSuiOll man was ONSA
blessed with. | never can remember
where l ever put anything"
"What are you looking for?' asked
Minnie, and there was touch of reproach
in her tone.
"The shirts with my studs in it," | re-
Piled 81 can't think where | put it."
Il put your studs in clean Shirt" she
said sadly, and 1t is lying on the foot Of
the bed"
Meek and crestfallen came out of the
closet.
"Do you generally throw your shirts on
the closet floor ?' she asked in a calm,
chilly tone.
I didn't answer. couldn't; l couldn't
do anything else except feel small enough
to crawl between the Stats of the blinds.
Well, that is the way things went on.
pulled down all the clothes in the closet to
find suit that she had carefully laid out
on chair for me; eternally ruined the
tidy appearance of a drawer in an en-
deayor to find necktie that laid beside
my collar on the dressing case; when I
came home at night l searched every nook
and Granny of the house to find my slippers,
which were carefully placed beside my
Everything was in the most
place, but never looked there.
Minnie became somewhat sarcastic in her
remarks about my previous habits of life,
and | felt myself growing smaller and
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