davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
EARIOUS SOURCES
Sfaid-Hoist With
Retard-Got 1t
he Same
Etc.

Il ss 1.sssA the ''ads" of all the
for the drapers,"
In the situations vacant through which l
duly wade,
There's none that takes my fancy like the
vegetable maid.
Lettuce try to picture Recommending at
the top:
OF course her head Cof celery is surmounted
Of fern ~ called ieG maiden-har so delicate and
Which needs the use of monkeys-cap to keep
it nice and clean
Descend little lower and her ears tOf wheat
descry,
Perchance they may be barley, or oats, or
With cheeks a little radish, and turnip nose
Ito SMELL,
Her mouth a stalk of tuIips-which are
cherry red as well.
We must not ia ] to mention, though it cause
you some surprise
That she beots an old potato in possessing
great black eyes
But, unlike that poor old tuber's, hers can
both blink and FASH
And certainly are not cut out when going
for '.mashn
Nodoubt the marrow her bones is vege
table, too.
L. palms are cased in foxgloves of bright
= = -Isisfseftsr- k1e;-~
While round her neck, the choicest furze she
wears with London pride;
Though an old man with his sage advice is
often at her side.
She drinks from out a buttercup this Canter-
bury bell lel
Her name is Rose or Violet, but which she
viii not tell.
Some thyme perhaps in fuchsia the secret
viii leek out,
But that it is floral name, can anybody
-Yarl,ee Blade.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
coNcEALMENr.

II thy dear, searching eyes could to my heart
Find but the subtle way, its truth to see,
Thou wouldst not then in silence grieve apart
That thy great love should unrequited te;
For It's but seeming, dear, that am cold
And irresponsive to thy yearnng still
1 need must seal my lips, lest they, o'erbold,
Should open wide the barred gates OF the
viii,
And all that deep and restless prisoned tide
Which hidden lies, in its imprisoned sway,
Burst forth so swift and strong that else be-
side
Might strive and strive in vain, its force To
stay.
Does thou not know with what persistent
hold
The smoldering fire burns its steadfast way,
That of its might no warning tale is told
The careless eye which seeks alone the ray,
The light, to say if fire be orno.
Until by chance some wandering breath of
air
Wakes with its touch to fiery crimson glow
The unseen thing which all the while was
there.
30, hidden love snOldeEiii5 Ia D"i 10
Nor gives from out the breast tell-tale
CLEAN,
Till some magnetic current swiftly turns
Its unseen light to wondrous glowing beam.
Nay, then, dear love, think not that thou
canst read
My heart and soul by looking in my face;
Or weigh their worth by every careless deed.
That thou canst thus all depth of feeling
trace.
Nay It's too sacred far for common eye,
This love 1 held for thy dear self alone;
Alone for thee shall my heart open lie,
To none but thee its tenderness be known;
So if thou wait some outward sign to see,
All, then, need must wait because thou
hast
So willed, till fate-or chance-which'er be
Shall kindly bring US heart TO heart at last.
-Annie McQueeH. in american Magazine
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
Axes of Noted Trees.

A writer in the Christian at W0fe,
gives the ages of some noted trees. Tho
trees remarkable for their longevity he
says, are the Wallace oak, at Elierslie,
Scotland, 200 years; oak on estate of
james Wadsworth, Geneseo, N. Y, 500
years; yew trees at Fountain Abbey,
England, 1900 years, and in Scotland,
said to be $500 years; elnis in Swltzer-
land, 1856 years; cedars, on Lebanon, 500
years; olives in the Garden of Olives,
500 years, and the huge trees of Cali
fornia, some of which are 400 feet high
and more than 100 feet in circumference,
whose period of growth is calculated b.
some to be several thousands of years.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
IN MEMORY.
In Memory

IN memory
OF all the noble deeds we meant to do,
While our young life throtbed Ikea triumph
song;
When in that long lost childhood, pure and
We knew no wrongi
In Memory
OF sweet, pale buds that never came to
flower,
Of Wild flowers trodden down by careless
OF starry blooms that withered ere the
shower
Fell cool and sweet
OF all things beautiful our eyes have missed;
Moonlight on summer seas, the sunsets glow,
Tho first pink gu h when Dawn the noun
tains kissed
And gilt tine snow.
OF Love that left an ever present pain,
OF dear dead folded hands, and sweet closed
eyes
Renembering Love viii give them back
again
In Paradisel
-lfOlet IL King, IN Murrdps Magazine
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
HOUSEHOLD MATTERS.
Pal less Poultry K1line.

Mr.. E. laden Benger, the President
of the British Pharmaceutical Confer
ence, adopts and recommends the fol-
lowing plan for the ''happy dispatch"
of poultry. A large wide-moutted stop
pered bottle is kept charged with an
ounce of chOloroform. When a chicken
has received sentence of death, it is held
firmly under the left arm and its head
slipped into the mouth of the bottle.
A few deep inspirations follow, and the
bird without struggle becomes IN
conscious. Then, holding it by the
legs, its neck is dislocated by a quick
stretch The plan is so simple that it
might be generally adopted.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

A newly organized political party in
japan has for its programme: The reduo-
ton Of the land tax, the abolition of
Capitalization IN the administration, the
introduction of the volunteer system
into the army, and the revision of the
existing treaties, with the view of put
ting Japan on equal footing with other
powers in international intercourse.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

Mrs. CT understand that you have
had trouble with your servant girl. "
Mrs. H.-"Not at all"
Mrs. Cob! then 1 was misin-
formed"
Mrs. H.-'Tt was nothing. l was
going to have reception, but she had
arranged for one herself tnat night.
Mrs. G.-s'And she gave hers up"
Mrs. H.-''No, I gave up mine, so we
are still the best of friends. "-Bost0n
Courier,
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

The last summer was the wettest that
England has experienced since 1879 and
me coolest since 1860. In most parts of
the country the sun did not shine more
than an average Of four to four and a
half hours a day. IN Scotland the daily
average was about five hours.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18


What makes Holland, whose old King
as dying. particular object Of envy to
the ncighboring nations, declares the
Times Democrat, is thcenormous develop
ment within the last tea years of the
tebacco-growing facilities of Sumatra.
Tho importations of Amsterdam
amounted last year 70 nearly SIS, 900, OGO
worth Of this product, of which more
than one third found Its way to the
United States. The dividends of some
of the companies have been almost in
credible, and as more acreage is being
put under cultivation every year, the
value of this staple to Holland in the
near future eau only be conjectured.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
could Afrord to Wear Any Kind.

1.-THE young man who accompanied
YOU to church last evening, Laura, " said
Miss Clearinghouse, ''has fine, intel
lectual face, but it seemed to me that his
pardon me--his trousers were some
what baggy at the knees"
''Quite, likely, Irene" replied Miss
Kaiones, with some hauteur ''Mr.
Parkinson is, if 1 mistake not, one of
the heaviest stockholders of the Bag
oiuc Trust. - Chicago Tribune.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

rs the matter, Darringer? You
le~Rdispirited."
'1'm troubled with too much mother
in-law."
"That is bad, old boy. How often
does she visit you"
Twice year"
''That isn't often, Darringer."
''No, it isn't-only that she stays six
months at a time. "-Iime.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

allow about the defaulting cashier
you were defendingl" inquired Ter
williger ola lawyer. 'Did you succeed
in getting a stay of proceedings"
mo. didn't" returned the lawyer.
''but the cashier got stay of ten years
in the States prison. "-Aea0 York Sun.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

Until thres years ago it is said that
Mexico was free from mosquitoes. II
this is true, says the Allan Ia Constitution
It IS very interesting fact. Mosquitoes
are common in much colder countries
than Mexico. Where do they come from,
and what are the conditions that breed
iheu2
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

-s<--~c tlfJLllE IN
half million dollars year IS a
princeiy sum to spend on the advertising
Of single srticle, says Printers fak,
but that is the figure named as the an
aual expenditure, for several years past,
on bringing ana keeping before the
public the merits Of & certain English
make Of soap, with resultsse satisfactory
to the maker and vender that there is
no thought Of doing else than charging
the expenditure as fast as it can judi
ciousiy be done. We have in mind an
American make of soap that has been
advertised from nothing to an enormous
sale within very few years. The fact
that both Of these brands of soap are OF
exceeding goodness may account to
some extent, for such great success in
placing an article over which there is
slpost as much competitor as in the case
Of baking powders.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

Sergeant Kendall, of the British Army.
can exhibit forty eight different wounds
received ia the line of duty. A bursting
shell inflicted twelve of the wounds at
one time and one bullet left three scars.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

According to the statistics published
by the Minister Of the Interior the total
number of cases Of cholera during the
last epidemic in the Gillian republic
were 20. SIS, of which 10. 3ss died. The
government expended the sum OF sss7,
563.so for combating the disease.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

Two warrants called on = kind lady in
tie suburbs Of New York.
"To which Of you two shallI give this
nickell'' she asked
First Tramp-"Give it to him. madame.
Hehas purchased the route from me, and
am iust taking him around to introduce
him to the customers. "-SJtiags.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

The success of the great Worlds Fair
at Melbourne Australia, has melted San
Francisco 10 undertake AGreat Pacific
Slope aud International Exposition in
that city in a year or two.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
The PorenknI Rnxmond.

That Chronological valuable little ever
green tree, theExwood, whose wood IS
essentiaito tengraver's art, the ebony
Of the tem1Rate zone and tie iavorite
Of eaDiashakers, is a tree that AriLo-
macs olht to plant 1t makes at the
utmoM tree OF not more than thirty
ieet height, and its growth IS pro
vs5 :lIly slow. Still, there is profit IN
wood. Circassia and Georgia in Asia
fSe the home of the box, and as the
Zee was carried over Europe all objects
that we're first made of lockwood took
their names from the tree, and so We can
trace its wauderipgs through philology.
The box is propagated by seeds, cut
tings and layers.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

The Berlin Borssa zeitang vouches for
this statement: in 1878 the Crown
Prince Frederick William caused twelve
copies to be taken by a copper-plato
process of the diary which he kept dur
ing the Frsnco-Geman war. OF these
copies he presented one each to persons
who particularly enjoyed his confidence,
the plate being afterward destroyed.
The recipients were requested to take
special care thai the diary was not pub
Ished until fifty years after the death Of
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

It's estimated that $50, GOO, 600 year
is spent by people in the vicinity of New
York in railroad fares, admission to
races and bets on horses, the latter being
by far The largest.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
Giving Her Away.

Snobberly- "Have you ever crossed
the ocean, Miss Flirty."
Miss Flirty-''No, Mr.. Snobberly, 1
have adreaG of the water. 1 don't think
1 ever could be induced to embark in a
ship of any kind"
''How about courtship, sisP' asked
Miss Flirty's younger brother.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
Hoist with His Own Petard.

Nervous Old fWhat on
earth is that burning, CharlesP'
Charles ''Eh?n
Nervous Old Gentleman-'Isay, what
makes that terrible odorl"
Charles-"Why, father, am smoking
one of your cigars. "-Bazar
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
Clearing Jelly or Scum.

To clear jelly or soup an experienced
cook advises the following process:
When the soup or jelly is made and the
fat all removed, put it into very clean
saucepan, with the whites dignity
whipped to froth) and shells of two or
three eggs for an ordinary quantity of
soup, jelly, etc. two whites and shells
for the first quart and a half and one
for each succeeding quart is fair aver
age, and bring it well to the boil,
whisking it all the time to prevent its
burning; then pour it through napkin
Of for soup or a Jelly bag for jelly
previously wrung out of scalding water.
If not sufficiently clear, rinse the napkin
or bag and run the soup or Jelly
ttnroG9h Il again iiii-''' Pie bag should be
absolutely mot relatively, as it often Isl
clean, and should be hot from having
boiling water run through it. or from be-
ing wrung out of scaIding water, and
last, but not least, neither soup ner jelly
should be handled while being run
through the lag, as any pressure viii
~ - al - IL
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
No Use For a Foot Rule.

s, A laborer in shipyard was one day
, ,iyen a two foot rule to measure a piece
-. plate. Not being accustomed to
of the rule he returned 1t, after
a good deal of time.
Ell, Nike asked his superiCA
sat is the size of tie plate?'
y swell, replied Mike, with the smile
which accompanies duty performed, tits
the length of your rule and two thumbs
over, with this piece of brick and thu
breadth of my hand and arm, from herr
to there, bar a fuger. n YOUTHS Com
pasi0n.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
IL Would Seem sn.

"Why do doctors always write their
prescriptions in Latino" asked little
Johnny.
"Ny son, +" replied old Brown, ''they
do that in order to give the druggist
chance TO add a dollar on the prescrip-
ton for translating it.n
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
Medical Changes.

Citizen Ito elderly physician)-''You
dea't bleed patients as often as you did
t5nRrg twenty years ago2'
~ fcian docking over package OF
un. y bills)-''No, we don't bleed 'em
at Vi; they bleed usr-Lye.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
AHnshnnd,s srmnnthr-

'My wife always 10 me with
her troubles, said Brown.
,i-ss11uite right" replied the minister.
"a wife shonId always look to her hus-
band for sympathy. And how do you
console herr
why. replied old Brown, sIiangh
1t hsr.i'-sSlsn.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

''Come right in the kitchen, Johnny"
said Mrs. Brown, ''and get your supper.
Don't make the least noise, and as soon
as you are through you must get right
upstairs to bed"
whats the matter, ma, cried little
Johnny, putting his finger in his eye.
FLUSH, dear" she replied, ''your
father has been putting up the stoves
A.. 1850 = n; 77yE-4al-1zsseI--e--l-
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

an effort viii be made in the Vermont
Legislature at the present session to
adopt E more ciTectual and satisfactory
eommon-school system.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
nncsn.t consIaer MarrIage FaIIure.

Doesn't Consider Marriage Failure.
Justice Screws, Of Montgomery, Ala,
married Lawrence Storrs to Fannie Hen
derson, after giving the following pre-
Iminary advice: Marriage IS AZ once
the most sublime, exultant and soul
enwrapping CT all the heavenly com
mands. The realization Of loves yonng
dream is the most biissful Of all earthly
Joys. or at any rate the poet attunes his
ly-c so 10 say. Yet marriage sometimes
comes to very unromantic phases
hosse rent, wash tubs, collards, occa-
gional domestic broils, and, il you follow
the divine in JUNCTION aud help people the
earth. you will be afflicted with many
lusty squalls. These parties propose to
enter into this state. If there be objec-
iton. let it be known"
The average vineyard is exposed to
twenty-five different perils each season.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
The Clerks Diplomacy.

Shoe Dealer Ito clerkl-"W civilian,
why did you insist upon selling to that
old gentleman pair of small, soft shoes,
when he called for large cowhide
bootsg'
''Well-er-n
81 insist upon knowing"
"The fact is / call on his daughter
quite frequently in the evenings. "-L:H-
coin Journal.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

The corn crop of the present season is
the FIRST in nine years that is proportion
ate to tie increase of population in this
counfrv
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

I woman with : patent button fastener
has been doing the towns in Eastern
Washington Territory during the past
two weeks, says the Seattle Post-IatsE-
liqeaeer. Walking quickly up to a staid
old gent on the street she will dexter
ously clip button from his coat before
he lets loose Of the idea that she is going
te hug him, and when he expostulates
she produces her button fastener aud in
stantlY replaces the button, tight and
solid OF course he buys q box OF the
fasteners, and the lady seeks another
victim 10 practice her arts upon.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18


Dried Beef Relish. Take the small
hard ends of dried beef, CRATE, and to
every cuplnl allow four tablespoonfuls
of cream, four eggs we'll beaten and a
little pepper. Put the meat and cream
in a stew-pan; when hot add the eggs;
STIR until the mixture becomes thick.
Dish up, and serve on squares of but
tered toast.
,T4-l9,~ Ctoo-o Wool, rornd and q
-fTaTiau -17fcesc.1 'sfsIl- u lJ0v-z =
half of beef liver, cover with bollIhS
water and let stand for five Minutes;
take from the water and wipe dry; chop
with a pound of veal and pound and
half of ham: season with two table
spoonfuls Of chopped parsley, small
onion grated, half teaspoontul of pow
dered sage, half a teasDoonful of black
pepper, little cayenne pepper and
teaspOonful of salt; mix all together;
grease mold with butter, press the
meat into it, cover tightly and steam two
or three hours. When done, the mold
will be a third filed with the juice of
the meat, which drain Off and put over
the fire IN saucepan; add to 1t fourth
of a box of gelatine, dissolved IN cold
water: season with salt and pepper; pour
over the cheese and stand in a cold place;
when cold turn out of the mold, slice
thin and garnish with sliced lemon.
Chaud roid of Chicken. Take acold
roast chicken, strip the skin carefully
from it and cut the meat into pieces an
inch long and wide. Put tablespoon
full of butter into a frying pan to melt,
thicken with tablespoonful of flour,
mix until smooth, add half pint of
cream with salt and pepper, and let boil.
Into this sauce dip each piece of chicken
and lay on dish. Stand away until
very cold. When cold, arrange the pieces
on the dish, sprinkle them with little
chopped parsley, garnish them with aspic
Jelly and parsley and serve.
Cold Meat for Tea.-Take the remains
of cold mutton, beef or lamb, chop fine,
with hard boiled eggs, head OF lettuce,
a bit of onion, and sprig Of thyme
season with pepper and salt, mix well,
and squeeze over it lemon juice 70
moisten.
Chicken Sandwich.-spread Some
thin slices of bread with butter, and
a little dressing made by mixing yinega
and salad oil. Put layer Of NIX
chopped celery and slices Of cold chic
cover with another slice Of bug ed
bread. - Courier -Journal.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

More than half the population Of Paris
apply for grasuitous medical attendance,
and half the burials are at the public
expense
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

I'm very sorry, marin, replied the
boy, "but III have to charge YOU dol
lar a measure for 'em."
"Huhl that's too much" and she
turned to go.
"Can I do anything for you, MADAME
inquired the proprietor, approaching.
Il was askin' the price O. them crab
apples" she said.
well, Pm very glad to inform you.
madam, that, seeing you're an old Gus
toner, can make them crab apples to
you at only one dollar measure.
"All right. guess you kin send me
two measures.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
Two WAYS of selling Goods

.sWhat do you git fer them crab
applesgn asked an. old lady OF the
grocer's boy
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18
oouldnlt Afrord to be Chented.

NOuiuhC AHoru to be Cheated.
a Poland man once had occasion to
borrow horse of Ex-Governor David
Dunn, the famous Poland lawyer, having
TO ride several miles to see several peo-
pie. He made the trip, returned, drove
TO the Governors house, found no one at
home, put the horse in the stable and
then went to the store, where he found
the Governor talking with some friends.
Il put the horse in your stable and
''All right"
''Now, what's the bill7n
''Where did you gop'
81 went first to deacon Smiths"
'How far do you call thatl''
'"Fhree miles,
81 know better. It's three and half. :"
''Well, call it so. Then l went over
to my brothers,
'HOw many miles does that mal1el"
"Seven.n
TITS all of eight"
This examination continued until the
entire route had been covered, when the
man who borrowed the horse said:
Now, Governor, what Is the billl Tell
me, and if I've got money enough Pll-
pay it now"
'The bill?" said the Governor. 81
don't want anything. When you want
the horse take him. I didn't care how
far you went, but when you undertook
to tell me l couldn't afford tc be cheated
in the miles. "-LeDiston (Ae.) Journal
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

DEB sullivan. Of China en- 4 y
been 81 q visit to his 8
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

The Berlin Borssa- Courier states that
5 geometer of Laibach, Austria, has
-a'eSuself to Pastear as subject on
airs siment with cholera inocu-
I'd be martyr to science
s. Cooke, has relf, wife and
ONE at Galveston. Of months
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-01-18

Nice lot Of Fancy CanAsole sr.
Enron & Han case