Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-08-14
THE STUB-TAILED COW.
One Of Lincoln's Stories, and One on
Hamlin.

Washington Correspondence New York Tribune.
Stories of President Lincoln's keen humor
are seemingly inexhaustible. One, which
think has never appeared In print, comes from
man who held prominent Office under Lin
coin, and who knew the great statesman WELL
At an official ball some thieves made off with
many of the hats and overcoats of the guests,
so that when the presidential party was ready
to take leave Vice President Hamin's head
covering was not to be found.
'Tll tell you what, Hamlin," said friend,
"early in the evening saw IA man, possessed
Of keen foresight, hide his hat upstairs. am
sure he would be willing to donate it to the
administration and will 60 and get it for
You"
When the hat was produced 1t was discovered
to be very much after the style affected by
Hamlin, but it bore a badge OF mourning,
which emblem the vice president ripped of
with his penknife. The party stood chatting
merrily as they waited for the carriages to be
driven up, when o man stopped directly in
front OF Mr.. Hamlin and stood staring at
the "tile" with which his head was covered.
What are you looking at, sir?" asked Hamlin
sharply.
Your hat" answered the man mildly. ''If
II had a weed on it should say it was mine"
well, it hasn't got weed on it, has it?"
asked the Vice President.
mo, sir" said the hatless man, sit hasn't"
"Then 1t isn't your hat, is it," said the proud
possessor of 1t.
mo, guess not" said the man as he turned
to walk away. When this little scene was ex-
planned to President Lincoln he laughed heart
ity and said:
THAT reminds me, Hamlin OF a long time
ago when was pioneering and soldering in
Illinois and we put up joke on some officers
of the United States army. Ny party and l
were long way off from the comforts of civil
lied life and our only neighbors were the gar
rison OF a United States fort. We did pretty
well for rations, had plenty of salt meat and
flour, but milk was not to be had for love or
money, and we all longed for the delicacy
we thought it pretty mean that the officers o:
the fort, who had two cows-a stubbed-tailed
one and black-and-white one-offered us no
milk, though we threw out many and strong
hints that II would be acceptable. At last, after
much consultation, we decided to teach them a
lesson and borrow or steal one of those cows
just as you choose to put it. But how it could
be done without the COW being at once iden-
titled and recovered was the question.
At last we hit on plan. One of
our party was dispatched days ride to
the nearest slaughter house, where he procured
long red cows tail to match the color of the
stub-tailed COW, after possessing ourselves of
which animal we neatly tied our purchase to
the poor stub, and with appetites whetted by
long abstinence We drank and relished the
sweet milk which our cow gave. A few days
afterward we were honored by call from the
commander OF the fort Say, boys said he,
we have lost one of our cows OF course we
felt sorry and expressed our regret accordingly.
But continued the commander, Il came over
to say if that COW of yours had q stub tail, /
should say it was ours
. But she hasn't a stub tail, has she?' asked
we, sure of our point.
No said the officer she certainly has not
o stub tall
"'Weil, she isn't your COW then and our
argument was unanswerable as was Hamlin's "