Morning journal and courier., 1889-12-11
GAS.

No Use Trying.-Firss Robber-''Goin' te rob Bronson's house to-night." Second Robber = "Naw." First Robber = esWhy notW Second Robber-"Ain't nothin there. Bronson paid his gas bill yesterday. Life.
 Mrs. Scrimp-I do wish, John, that you would get me new winter wrap; my old one is sight to behold. Mir. Scrimp--H'ml Can't you wait little while longer, so it can pass for Christmas pressnts'-Texas Sift- inRs.
 Repartee in high life.-Angelina (to Tweezer, who has just proposed )-"Oh, I don't want to marry you; you ain't got but one eye." Tweezer-"1 know 1t, If I'd "a had two I'd a looked further. ."-Harvard Lampoon.
 Who will catch the fish to fill the tanks that load the cars that the fish commission CTS will send to the Boston maritime exhibi- tion.-Martha's Vineyard Herald. The New York committees will do it for you.-New Orleans Picayune.
 First politician-"T They say that you never would have been elected if you hadn't given Second ditto--"Well, what of thatf Noth- ing partisan about me. I'm inn-dependent." Boston Transcript.
 Peroration of Lawyer.-"And now, gentle men of the jury, I beg you to observe that my client committed this crime while entire ly sober; from which fact you cannot help perceiving that he ii perfectly temperate man."-Fiiegende Blattsr.
 1T ain't neber g'wine ter hab muffin mo- bran new Sunday suit out de windo' t other day" tsIt didn't hurt your suit much, did ita" ''No, sah; but it hurt me. happened to be in it at de time. ."-Time.
 Ten at night; maidservant in druggist's shop asks for . two cent stamp. Apothecary -"Serry can't give you one, but if you are in @ hurry, take this five cent one." "Ahi that won't carry it too fari"-Fliegends Blat- ter.
 Perfectly simple: Little Allen heard his mamma ask papa to go to the cellar and turn on the heat. "Ill go," cried Allen. "Why, you don't know how," said papa. ''Yes, I do," declared Allen. "You shut every place that's open, and open every place that's shut."-Harper's Young people. The report that MT. Cleveland got up and gave his seat in a crowded elevated railroad car to shop girl the other day need excite man. One dsy last spring he got up and gave his seat tat Washington to an elderly gentleman from Indiana.-Chicago News. A bald d-headed eagle attacked an Indiana farmer with great feroeity the other day. Just what sort of grudge the national bird has against Indiana men would be difficult to say. If that preposterous fowl is not sat- 1 isfied with the number of able Hoosiers now | serving their country in public office at liy- | ing wages, its stupid neck ought to be wrung l for it.-Chicago News.
 Of Course He Wouldn't. -Manhattanite-
 ssThe idea of holding the Worlds fair in Chicago Is perfectly absurd. The celebra- tion is to commemorate the discovery of America by Columbus, and he never discov- 1 cred Chicago" St. Louis man-'sNo, you
 bet he didn't. If he had he'd been so ashamed that he'd never owned up to i,
 when he got back to Spain. Life.
 Mrs. A.-s'Just think, Mrs. B., my little
 Nollie lost dollar on her way to the gro
 oery." Mrs. B. (proudly)-"That couldn't
 happen to my little Fanny. She is too smari
 for that; ain't you, Fannyp Fanny-"Guesi
 I couldn't lose my dollar bill when you never
 send any money to the grocer's. He always
 writes it down in book, and when he wantl any money from us he has to come five or si1 times. s."-Tcxas Siftings.