Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1889-07-27
Mr.. AND MRS. BoWsER.
How the Head Of the House Was Taught
to Find His Clothes.

70 Finu LIS CAOtnes.
When got home from mothers the other
afternoon Mr.. Bowser was walking up and
down the sitting room like a Gagged lion. As
he was an hour ahead of his Usual time, was
naturally astonished, and as he looked SO
stern and dignifed, was fearful that some
misfortune had occurred
Anything wrong, Mr. BowserY' man.
! aged to ask
| He halted. folded his hands under his coat
tails, and, balancing himself on bis heels and
toes alternately, he replied:
Mrs Bowser. this IS the last straw-the
very lnst!"
"Why, what have donean
II bed an invitation to attend banquet
of the D. N. G. club, and was down to do
| liver ON address. l came home to get ready,
and, lol what do findl"
Robbers in the house?n
4 Not muchl No robber with any sense In
his head would come to this housed It would
take him week to find anythingi / 60 up
stairs to get a clean shirt, collar, ETC., bur
nothing Of the sort can be found. ! come
down and ask the cook to see if my Sunday
! clothes are in the flour barrel, but she looks
in vain. / go to the telephone and ask the
coal man If he saw t1em in the basement
| when he put in that last ton, but he can't re-
member You, of course, have no knowledge
of them. You can't say whether they are in
the cat bin in the barn, or packed away in
| the garnet for rats nestn
''They are up stairs. unless you have sold or
| given them away"
mo more insults, please. Come up stairs
and show me, for instance, where my shirts
| aren
"Very well. We shall find them In the sec
ond drawer Of your bureau, where they have
been kept for the last two years"
"I'll bet you million dollars to cent?"
| Come on"
| We went up stairs to the bureau and !
| pulled out the drawer and there lay five
clean shirts. just where had placed them as
they came from the laundry two days before.
'But they were not there an hour ago.
protested Mr.. Bowser
'But they were. How could they be any
where elsef In this other drawer are your
socks, neckties, cuffs and collars. Seer
II see but that drawer was empty half an
hour ago.
| "And in this closet is your Sunday suit.
Sect Coat vest and pants. Are you grow
ing blind, Mr.. Bowserf'
"There is some dark mystery connected
with all this Mrs. Bowser, and will not rest
until unravel it. spent a good half hour
looking for my things, but not one single arti-
Gle could find"
Because you rushed up stairs and went
into the spare room, just like lots of other
husbands OF course you didi See? Every
drawer in the spare room bureau has been
pulled out. and the clothes press door is wide
openl"
Mrs Bowser don't try to get out of it in
this wayl My eyesight Is still good, and
when / SEQ an empty drawer know it is not
full of shirts. have lost an hour looking
for my things, and now cannot go to the
banquet"
He went down stairs and called up some
one by telephone and said:
II can't be there this evening" My shirts,
| collars and clothes have been mislaid by my
wife, and l only found them moment ago.
Very sorry, but give my regrets to the boys
and tell them how it was Some wives are
like that and can't help it, you know Good
by"
The next evening Mr.. Bowser brought
friend up with him-the same one he had tele-
phoned to. After bit he took him up stairs
for smoke, and as they reached the head Of
the stairs they found the following notice on
tho bedroom door:
INSIDE THIS ROOM
VIII be found
Mr.. BowsER's SHIRTS, COLLARS, CUFFS AND
SUNDAY SUIT.
Don't clake the mistake of looking in the
alley.
On the bureau had tackled a second sign,
reading:
'FTst drawer-Your hair dye, etc.
''Second drawer-Co Collars, cuffs and neck
ties.
Third drawer-Your shirtsn
On the door of the clothes closet had a
third sign, reading:
Your Sunday suit is in this closet-frst
hook to the left as you entern
On each garment was marked the name
'coat, west, and pants, F" and on the wall
set of instructions, reading:
81. Fling your hat under the bed.
"2. Kick your pants over behind the
lounge.
''3. Throw your vest behind the washstand
and your coat on the floor.
n In removing the buttons from your
shirt, jerk and twist from left to right and
back again. This will enlarge the button
holes.
IS. If you drop one of the buttons, jump
up and down and cuss and declare that you
have been one button short all tho week.
sc. If the button holes in your collar are
too large, kick over chair and declare your
desire to murder some one. If too small,
kick over two chairs and lay it to me.
-. In changing your clothes, get your sus-
penders twisted, leave your shirt punched up
at the shoulders, and snap off as many but
tons as possible"
l had intended those signs for Mr.. Bowser's
eyes alone, and | fully expected national
calamity when he came down and bade his
friend good night. | was disappointed, how
ever. He looked at me benignly, walked up
and down for awhile and then observed:
"Mrs. Bowser, before we were married
had long talk with your mother"
yes"
"She told me that you had never been called
upon to exercise judgment or responsibility,
and that would find you a very great bur-
dem"
Thanks, Mr.. Bowser."
But agreed to bear with you and be pa
tient, and so shall Twenty years hence you
may know something about housekeeping and
wife's duty toward her husbands wardrobe
It's long time to wait, but will be patient.
Perhaps this is my mission on earth, and Is
what the Lord wills me to do Go ahead,
Mrs. Bowser, and be just as mean as you can,
and do everything to hurt my feelings /
shall do my duty and never let the world