Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-11-24
SENSE AND NONSENSE.


thou sluggardl" In Florida the ant saves
the sluggard the journey.
Even the girl who does not want to be
cremated after death is perfectly willing
to be ice-cremated during life.
A good thing for young spectators to
remember is that as rule there is some
thing crooked about straight tip.
Madaline's governess-"Can you ex-
press in the menutime' in different words2"
Madeline es, nia am, Between meals"
People who like to see the smaller COM
batant win the battle always take pleasure
in mill between a bull dog and hornet.
The poet sits up near the sun
And weayes fall verses by the hour.
If you should ask him how tbs done
He'll say: "By autumn-attic power"
No one realizes what alone, Sweet
Home" is until he hears it sung for
the fourteenth time in clearinghouse
parlor.
Hardpush-"Got a new conundrum,
Dollerby. If / ask for ten cents, what
time is it," Dollerby-"Its dime for me
to say no."
Secretary Window thinks the supply of
money is equal to all demands. 1t is easy
10 see LudL Iut DCCICtdig ShOtS VI az
quaintance is limited.
All things are equalized in cheap restau-
rants. If the coffee is weak the butter is
strong. If the rolls are cold the water
will be warm enough.
Woman Ito tramp)-"You seem to have
a good appetite" Tramp-"Yes, madam,
that is all l have left in the world which 1
can rightly call my own"
Stranger Ito bicycle-rider)-"Are you
acquainted with the roads around here, my
friend ?' Bicycle-rider (pointing to the
scars on his face)-'Yes, have met them
quite often"
Tommy-'Pop, what's a philanthro-
pist? Mr. Gill-"A philanthropist, my
son, is a man who would rather supply
dozen men with a collar apiece than give
one man a shirt"
Mother and the girls (ecstatically)-"M
isn't it high" Pepper Tin gloom that
reaches to the base Of the tower)-"Well,
what of it? Have you seen anything in
Paris this summer that wasn't high ?"
Temperance woman-"My friend, if you
don't want whisky to get the best of you,
you must get the best of whisky" Prom
ising subject-'I do, mum, when l can;
but when feller's only got nickel"
Conductor of horse-car Ito man with
dog)-"You can't take that dog on board
the car" Man with dog-"Why not?"
"It's against the rules. None but lap-dogs
! allowed to ride with their owners" @Well,
amt this lap-dog? How do yer s'pose
he drinks water if he don't lap it up?"
Masked man (dashing into parlor-car
on Western railroad) Hold up yer
handsr Passenger-"Don shoot, please
Take all I've got and welcome" Masked
man-"This is big pile o money, so I'll
give ye $40 of it back. l may be a train
robber, but amt no parlor-car porter"
Book agent-'The Bible is good book,
ma'am, and every one should have one in
the house." Woman-"Yes, that's what
my daughter Jennie said to-day" Book
agent-"Your daughter, ma'am, knows the
real value of a good Bible" Woman
"Yes, indeed, she does. She presses more
autumn leaves than any girl in the neigh
borhood"
Some Boston men, learning Of an adult
man skeleton In Australia who weighed
but thirty-fo,u pounds, combined in
speculation to bring him TO this country
for exhibition. They gave him $500
bonus and third interest in the receipts,
and put him on shipboard for England.
Sea air, changing of food, etc, began to
fatten him, and when he arrived in Lon
don he weighed 134 pounds.
Visitor-"Whats the matter, doctor !?
you appear to be excited" Doctor-"I
am excited, and have good reason to be-
/ gave the local editor little notice to
put in the paper, notifying my patients
, that l had returned from my vacation
and resumed my practice" "And he
forgot all about it?" "No, he didn't.
wish he had" "Why SOP Because
the intelligent compositor left the of the
word patients, and the complimentary no
tice now reads that desire to notify my
patient of nay return etc. The way 1t
reads creates the impression that / have
: one lone solitary patient