Daily Republican., 1889-08-24
THE STUB-TAILED COW

Stories of President LIncoln,s kee
humor are seemingly inexhaustible. Ono
which / think has never appeared i
print, comes from q man who held
prominent Office under Lincoln. and VIII
knew the great Statesman well. AT Al
oficial ball some thieves made of witt
many OF the hats and overcoats of tn,
guests, so that when the presidentln
party was ready to take leave Vice Presi
dent Haulin's head covering could no
| be found.
| IN tell you what, Hamlin," said 4
friend; "early in the evening saw I
man, possessed of keen foresight, hid {
his hat upstairs. am sure he would be
wiling to donate it To the administra.
ton, and ! will 60 and get It for you"
When the hat was produced it was
found to be very much after the etyle
affected by Hamlin, but It wore a badge
oil mourning, which emblem the Vice.
President ripped OF with his penknife.
The party stood chatting merrily as thew
walt for the carriages to be driven mn.
when man stepped directly In front OF
M: llamlin and stood staring at the
title" with which his head was covered.
what are you looking at, siri" asked
Hamlin sharply.
Your hat" answered the man mildly.
II IL had weed on 1t l should say it
was mine,"
well, it hasn't got a weed on 1t, has
IT,, asked the Vice President.
NO, sir" said the hatless man, at
Then it isn't your hat. is III" said the
prouc possessor OF 10.
mo, guess not" said the man as he
turned to walk away. When this little
scene was explained to President Lincoln
he laughed heartily and said:
THAT reminds me, Hamlin, of A lonp
time ago when was pioneering and ar
diering in Illinois, and we mt IN A ioke
on some officers OF the United states
army. My party and were q long way
oil from the com forts of civilized life. and
our only neighbors were the garrison of a
United States fort. We did pretty well
Tor rations, had plenty of salt meat and
Hour, but milk was not to be had for love
or money, and as we all longed for the
delicaey, we thought 1t pretty mean that
the oitcers OF the fort, who had two COWS
a stubbed-tailed one and black and
White one-ofered us no milk, though
we threw out many aud strong hints that
IL would be acceptable. At last. after
much consultation, we decided to teach
them lesson and borrow or steal one
OF these cows, just as you choose to put
IL.
"But how it could be done without the
COW being at once identified and recover
ed was the question. At last we hit on a
plan. One OF our party was dispatched q
Jays ride to the nearest slaughter house,
where he procured long red cows tail
10 match the color OF the stub-tailed COW,
liter possessing ourselves of which ami.
nal we neatly tied our purchase to the
poor stub, and with appetites whetted by |
ong abstinence we drank and relIshed |
he sweet milk which our cow gave, A |
ew days atterward we were honored by
call from the commander of the fort.
"'Ssy, boys said he, we have lost
me OF our cows
"Oi course we felt very sorry and ex-
'rested our regrets accordingly.
But, continued the commander. Il
anne over to say that If that cow of
ours had stub tail, should say 1t was
urs.'
But she hasn't stub tail, has shel,
sked we, sure of our point.
NO, said the officer, she certainly
as not a stub TAIL
Well, she isn't your COW, then, and
ur argument was unanswerable as was
iamlin's."