The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1889-05-19
THE FUNNIEST THING.
A FROG IS TWICE AS FUNNY AS he
LOOKS, IF YOU ONLY KNEW IT.

no evidence that the man VINO maze II
really knew how funny frog actually
is The probabilities are that he had
been impressed with the frogs comical
pre-eminence simply by observation OF
his external architecture as he posed IN
adult picturesqueness on log. tie
noticed. Of course, that frog is so built
that all the neck he has is the top of his
head. lie couldn't have failed 10 oh
serve that the frogs mouth begins where
his shoulders leave of. Ii the observer
didn't note that the frog has TO watch
out when he sits down or he may poke
his eve out with his big toe, he failed to
enjoy one Of his favorite's best low com
edy hits.
And when il dawned upon him, AS it
il must have dawned. that the drum OF
the frogs ear is worn on the outside OF
his head. being attached to the gable end
Of his upper jaw. he was Of course salts
fed that no further evidence was neces-
sarv. and he was ready TO take the world
into his confidence and utter that famous
declaration about the frogs incontest-
able claim 10 be placed on record as the
funniest thing that is. Yet even the
halo Of drolIery that surrounds the frog
at this ripe period OF its existence Is as
funeral gloom compared to the humor
of his Younger days.
us EARLY DISCUSSES.
This observer. whose sententious com
mentary has passed into a proverb
shouldn't have been content with the
humor Of which the mere physical con
tour Of the completed frog is capable
Ne should have gone back to the time
when the frog was but a prOtoplastic
atom. involuntarly cruising along the
border of some marshy pond, where the
muskrat burrows among the logs and
the wild flag waves its lances to the pass
inc breeze. and whose presence is worth
al least $3.50 a day to the adjacent dis
pensor Of quinine.
He should have sought out that gluti-
nous molecule He never would have
suspected it a frog. He never would
have believed that one day that inert
globule would be bumped up on bog
snappine at flies and voicing basso pro
undo serenades to the Silly night. Tie
would as soon have looked for the evo-
luton Of a thoroughbred racer from
wooden saw horse But that is just
what that globule is there for. and if thi;
insufficient observer had only gone back
and watched it grow up with the coun
, trv he would have seen how doubly for
tilted against cavil he would have beer
i'm declaring that a frogs place is at the
head of all embodiment of humor, am
mate or inanimate. conscious or uncon
,ciOus.
The frogs embryo &c idea Of fun is t'
do "A number OF interesting Lightning
changes. His masterpiece as molecular
comedian. and his last act in that line o
business. is to transform himself into the
living likeness and granular structure o
"a mulberry. 1t is while making this hor
ticultural display of himself that thu
whimsical creature is preparing for ont
of his most droll surprises, and he mex
anpears in the lively and grotesque char
acter of "A fish that has mouth and row
of teeth like shepherds, two othe
mouths like a suckers. the tail Of an eel
nostrils three times as big as It's mouth
a pair of eills that branch from its hea'
like the anilers of a deer. and the diges
tive apparatus Of a grasshOpperl Al
three Of its mouths are in a row on tn
under side Of its chin, the one with tn
r. teeth being in the middle.
2. A HOwuNG SUCCESS
Is This screaming presentation Is know
Il TO the small boy as the polliwog and
p science as the tadpole 1t is the frog
S. first ambitious attempt at being reall
u funny. 1t is an instantaneous and cN
: clonic success. But it is followed
GOOD time by other changes in the bil
/. First. the frog, in his character Of pol
= WOO. calls i'm his antler like gills an
n slows them away inside Of his hea
IT somewhere. Then he springs pair
ot legs on YOU They sprout out on eac
lie side Of his body just aft OF the sp'
A. where his gills soaked in, and the col
=. vulsed observer says:
" Hello! There's his fore legs"
&c That is evidently just what the frog
b. his ludicrous character wants the o
10 server 10 think. for it adds 10 the hume
s. nus surprise that he has in store for I'M
N when he suddenly sprouts another pa
ar If logs. and the observer finds that. a
> though the first ones had their roo
close behind the polliwogs ears the
were. nevertheless. its hind legs, az
that the new legs pop out ahead OF thei
% and. Of course. are the fore legs Iher
Z .elves. This Joke OF the frog Is so go
10 that he adds still another change TO i
make ND. so that he can ENJOY II himse
lie Gets rid of the little sheepshe;
ITO mouth and the two sucker mouths, an
~ takes on a new mouth that reaches Gle
across his face. and he looks up al
smiles an expansive smile
H. During all the time that the frog ma
a ouerades as a pOlliwog he gorges h'ms'
ON a strictly vegetable diet. and II he hi
been scooped ont of the water and ke
l.o nut Il few minutes death would Ia
Il, claimed him for its own. But when
has got through with ms les show
trades off his gills for pair OF lunl
CHANGES his fish heart for the heart OF
AT reptile. discards his grasshopper mites
nal arrangement for a regular set Of al
mai dieesters. and hauls himself out
la the water on To a bog, OF upon the sh.
among the rushes, and cocks MS oulsl
eve up at YOU in rollicking way. plan
~ informing YOU that he would he pleas
I'D know what you think of INN as a 4
~, blown lizard He hasn't got TIN
~ with him that he started IN win as
- polliwog except his cells tail lie has
~, been long a land lubber before he beg
a q" To hump himself on the back, and to
~. yelop the mouth that is to become
''0 Great attraction of his features when
~. - E..-l..d fr.1.., - y