davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
LAST NIGHT IN THE SENATE.

Relaxation of the Customary Dignity of
That Honorable Body.
The first night session held by the Sen
ate this season drew crowded galleries.
The ladies seemed almost to outnumber
the men in the galleries, consequently
there was much stroking of boards and
pulling down of vests, and adjusting of
neckties among the Senators on the floor.
Senator Butler, the handsome, appeared
in full.dress suit, and there was tlut-
tering of fans and whispering among the
ladies when he took his seat.
Senator Frye wore bright rcd rose in
his lapel, and with hand in the breast
of his coat, look ri every inch Senator
as he strobe abo,A the Chamber.
The debate on the wool clause was not
stirring, but several little episodes kept
the onlookers interested.
About $3.50 o'clock Senator Butler re-
tired TO cloak room, followed by Sen
ator Vance. After a reasonable length of
time the latter returned, wiping his lips.
Senator Butler came to the door of the
cloak room and beckoned across the
chamber to Don Cameron. With q
happy expectant South -Carolina-moun-
tain -dew-ish look upon his face Senator
Cameron tripped across the chamber,
and the two disappeared. A couple of
other Senators who had witnessed the
scene quickly followed suit. Others
listened intently to catch the pleasant
gurgle which emanates from the mouth
of a jug in full action. c.t.
About 10 o'clock Senator Blair, who is
not accustomed to late hours, fell asleep
in his chair. Just few feet.sway from
him was Senator Call, with head thrown
back and mouth open, fast asleep. A
gentle sound, as of distant fog-horn
sounding DER the lovely sea, emanated
from Mr.. Calls nasal organ. 1t awoke
both gentlemen. They looked at each
other guiltily. "That's one on me,
said Mr.. Call and retired to the water
cooler.
A shudder of amazement went through
the Senate when Mr.. ingalls, came out of
the hair and ensconcing himself in an
arm chair in the cloak room door, in full
view, cooked up his legs and smoked o
cigar. The coup of the evening, how
ever, was made by Mr.. Vance when he
arose in his seat and read the following
parody:
A GIRL WITH ONE sToCKISG-A PROTECTIVE
PASTORAL.
| composed and arranged for the old spin
ming wheel; and respectfully dedicated to tha
devoted friend of protected machinery ant
high taxes, the Senator from Rhode lsland.l
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

From all our Post Office troubles free u.s.
In Society:
Small Boy Ito society young man, calling):
You must have cat good deal yesterday
evening, didn't you, Mr.. Brickybrack
Mr.. b.: On the contrary, Tommie didn't
cat anything. was doing the receptions.
Small Boy: Well, that's funny. Sister said
she saw you, and you was so blamed full you
couldn't hardly walk.
Old song And Spring would bo but gloomy
weather il we had nothing else but Spring.
TO TIVE LADY suFrRAaIsTs.
Pretty as a picture,
SILK and sunny locks,
Lovely eyes all looking
For the ballot box
Warmful as the sunshine,
Voices like tire note
OF divincst music,
Singing for vote.
Eyes as bright as starlight,
Merrfly they dance
In the hope OF wearing
Gentlemanly pants.
Hands as white MS lilies,
Softer than the snow
Hands TO yank voter
Where he ought to go.
Hearts so gently tender,
Ever fond and true,
Anxious TO be doing
What the men should do.
Oh, ladies, ladies, ladies,
The sweetest and the best
OF all the Lords creation
Please give yourselves rest.
When retail dealers organize "Trust" it
is never for the benefit Of their customers.
John l.. Sullivan has never yet backed up
against loose electric light wire.
Meteorologlcally speaking, Zero is an un-
known quantity this winter.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
Our Mary had a little lamb,
And her heart wag most infer

Our Mary had little lamb,
And her heart was most intent
To make its wool, beyond its worth,
Bring fifty-six per cent.
But pauper girl across the sea,
Had small lamb also,
Whose wool for less than half that sum
She'd willingly let go.
Another girl, who had no sheep,
Nor Stockings, wool, or fax,
But money Just enough to buy
A pair without the tax,
Went to the pauper girl to get
Some wool TO shield her feet,
And make her stockings not Of tax,
But both OF wool complete.
When Mary saw the girls design,
She straight began to swear
She'd make her buy both wool and tax,
Or let one leg 90 bare.
So she cried out ''protect" me from
That pauper's sheep wool free,
IL made TO keep both her legs warm
What will "Cncouragen meS
So it WAS done and people said
Wherc'er that poor girl went
One leg was warmed with wool aud one
With flfty-six per cent.
Now praise to Mary and her lamb
Who did this scheme invent
To clotho one-half girl i'll vol
Aud one-half in per cent.
All honor, too, to Mary's friend,
Aud all projections acts;
Who cheaply clothe the rich in wool,
And wrap the poor in taxi
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
MEDICAL CERTIFICATES.
From the President of the Board Of
Health for the State of Maryland.

TowsoN, May 90, 1887.
o. 7. MAoGiIL, ESQ. Dear Sir:-It gives me
great pleasure to state that was entirely re.
lieved OF Muscular Rheumatism of sir months
standing by the free use of your Strontia Water.
1 suffered much pain and inability to use my
arms. / tried a number of remedies without
effect. Noticing the excellent results In DR.
Chancellor's case, und having always high
opinion of the water. used II, with the above
result, and have had no return of the Rhcuma
tism. Sincerely yours.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
TIE CITY posToFFIcE.

The House yesterday, under the sus-
pension OF rules, by vote of 100 to 10S
refused to pass the bill for the purchase
of the Sixth and ID streets site for the
City Postofiice, and from the opposition
developed it is very clear that no bill
selecting particular site can be passed
this Congress. The only solution of the
City Postofice question, as admitted by
at least two-thirds OF the Members,
is the adoption of the Richard
son bill. which leaves the selection
of site to committee of three,
consisting Of the Postmaster General,
the Secretary of the Interior and the
Architect of the Treasury, their selec-
ton to be approved by the President.
But Mr.. Dibblc, chairman of the Com
mittee on Public Buildings and Grounds.
for some unknown reason, is opposed to
the Richardson bill, and unless the bill
is reintroduced and referred to some
some other committee the prospects are
that no other City Postoilice bill will be
passed this session.
The Senate has put on an amendme mt
to an appropriation bill looking to the
purchase of the lie Droit Square site,
and Notwithstanding the strong lobby
which is said to be behind the scheme,
twill be knocked out in the House. II
Congress desires to giveWashington a
postofiice in keeping with the other pub
lie buildings, and Members and Senators
express themselves in favor of so doing,
let them pass the Richardson bill and
the question will be at once settled.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

Nix, JoHN II, ALLEN has written very
concise and comprehensive volume on
"The Tariff and Its Evils" We have
examined the work carefully and dis
cover that it has totally overlooked the
leading evil of the tariff, to wit; the
amount OF continuous, nevcr-euding, in.
oerminable, everlasting talk about it, If
Mr.. Allen will add a supplement which
will contain prescription to cure this
evil be will be the leading political econo-
mist of the age. In other respects, Mr.
Aliens book is one Of great value and
should be in every library,
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

Lord SALISBURY has ordered an Eng,
lish feet TO Samoa. AS soon as we get
ours built wen send it over there. too.
and blow thunder out of the whole busi-
ness. We are undoubtedly the greatest
Nation On earth
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
FOR RENT-HOUSES.

NOR RENT-221O, 2212 and 2214 TwBLFrH
II street northwest, mod. imp, $3.50; 1905
9th ST. n. W., o room brick, $40. Thos. g. Hen
sey & Co., 1900 st n. w.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
FOR sALE--M,sCELLANEOUs.
loR sALE-IMPoRTANT

Il - -. -.
A number OF Slightly Used ORGANS AND
PIANOS in perfect order, at your own price.
Sold on SO payments Call and secure bargain.
Il. q. SMITH, 1925 Penna. ave.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

Hon. GEoRGE CHRIST Of Arizona has
been visiting Mr.. Harrison, The name
is familiar, but we were not aware that
it had ever been recognized in Arizona.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

MIR. CLAREsoN will weep very many
bitter tears if General Harrison insists
upon him going into his Cabinet.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

ENGLAND and the United States in a
combination against Germany is quite in
the nature Of the unexl ected, and sa
moa must be possessed OF mysterious
power to effect it.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

No MAN or woman can afford to be without
WolfT's Acme Backing.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
JACKSON PIPER, NJ. d.
From the Secretary of the Board Of
Health for the State of Maryland.


BALTIMORE, May IL. 1887.
Cor. o. p. MAcaILI.
Dear Sir. Your Strontia Water has certainly
done me a great deal of good. For several years
] suffered painful attacks OF Rheumatic Gout,
for the cure Of which was induced to visit the
principal springs aud water cures of Europe as
well us many in this country, but without any
positive relief. fhdge receiged more benefit J,om
drinking Strontid Water than from all other
sources, and must regard u as a geiy 0dtud6Le
remedial agent AS a table water and food sol
vent II Is unsurpassed, and especially valuable
In many forms of Dyspepsia.
Very truly yours
G. W. CHANCELLOR, M. d.
We could add hundreds Of others TO the above,
but space will not permit.
Manner In Which the Water Is Put Up
and Sold.
: Strontia Water is scld In effervescent cond
ton, in pint quart and half gallon glass bottles
Each bottle bears upon its face yellow label
having red centre and red side squares, the
centre bearing fac smile of the Strontia spring
house. which con0titutes our Trademark, and
a yellow neck label having upon II the word
''Strontia." The water Is also delivered in
effervescent condition, In siphons and founts.
In the state in which It Is taken from the
spring, IL Is sold In pint, quart and half-gallon
glass bottles labeled as above
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..

yxTANTED - CoLoNIsTs. - MONEY AD-
w vanced for railroad fare and expenses of
trip from any point east Of the Rocky Mountains,
TO visit The Great WILDER Colony Property, Sac
ramento Valley, CAL now being developed by
the California and Southern Land Company.
City Lots and California Fruit Tracts free. Send
loo postage for maps plats etc, 70 CALIFOR-
NIA'AND SOUTHERN LAND COMPANY. City
of Red Bluff, California.
lXTANTED-DY A RESPECTABLE WHITE
w woman, a situation as cook; can assist IN
washing and ironing; good city references; call
at 2oi0 l. street, between goth and 2lst streets,
northwest.
yXTANTED-AN oYBRSEER, OR CHIEF AD-
w vertiser. and two to five assistant lac-
cordng to size of county and popuiation) $50
month salary and expenses to overseers, and
$40 to assistants; no peddling, no soliciting;
duties confined to making collections, distrlbut
ing printed matter putting up advertisements,
etc, for the two greatest Fortune-makers In
Amerioa-the Farmers $40 Fire Proof Combina
tion.Lock Safe (sod on monthly installments),
and the wonderful Electric Fuel, for warming
sleighs carriages, etc, which burns without
flame. smoke or odor and will heat any vehicle
81 hours for 10 cents; expenses advancedi saiar-
les paid each month; inclose 1Oc postage ior
full specimen line of advertising matter 10 tne
y. l.. STEPHENS CO.. Lebanon, Ohio.
NAJ ANTED-oLD GOLD AND SILVER
w bought for cash by WIN. FRIEDERlCH,
the manufacturing jewecr. COS 7th ST. opp rat
ent Office.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

The Columbia Harmonial CeEIetery
should change its name TO the Columbia
Discordial Cemetery.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
PERSONAL.

IUsTH's OLD STAND rs THE ONLY PLACE
81 where first-class second hand clothing can
be sold at respectable prices, Address or call
at 6l9 street northwest. -
CtIvli SERVICE EXAMINATION QUESTIONS
~ and answers. Send loo to
s. W. FLYNN, A. M, Ivy Institute,
Sw corner Sth and X sts n W.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

POLITICALLY SPEAKING, the State Of
West Virginia and the state of confu
worse-confounded are synonymous.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

JUST NOW TUE Cabinet Makers Union
is the largest body of citizens in the
country.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
FOR SALE AND RENT. % 4

DEAL ESTATE BULLETIN
lD OF
THOS. e. WAGGAMAN, 917 F Street.
Changes made Wednesdays and Saturdays.
TWO.STORY BRICK AND FRAME HOUSES
ENR SALE.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
SPENCER|AN BUSINESS COLLEGE.

RspaSc e Baidns Corner W. and pS sts oi
Day and evening sessions. Young men and
women practically trained for seltsupport, and
useful lives Five courses The Practical Busl
ness Course Stenography, Type-Writing and
Graphophone, Ptman Shorthand, Practical
English Branches Delsarte school of Express
sion. Scholastic year begins Monday, Septem.
tember 8. College opens for arrangements on
and after Monoay August 81. Sendfor new H.
lustrated announcement,
HENRY @. SPENCER LII. b., Principal.
MRS. SARA A, SPENCER. Vice'Prinoipal.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

Yr0users . Oraer.sl.ao ana s.. Els0man,s. 7&G.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

vhp1-,o,M MR.. VICTOR G. FISCHER,
bSS2s Art Dealer and Stationer,
NO. 500 18TH STREET NoRTHWEST,
Having made an assignment to me of his entire
stock OF Stationery, Foreign Books, Etchngs,
Engravings, Photographs, ETC., will sell the
same for the next few days at No. $40 18th
street northwest at greatly reduced prices, with
the view OF closing up his busines.
DOUGLASS S. MACKALa,
Assignee
d16 9th street northwest.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
CRITICULAR.

oh, wad some power the glftie gle us
From all our Post Office troubles free us.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22
A Murder in Fairfax County, va.

Stephen Gross, mulatto living near Bar
ber's Cross Roads, seven miles from this city,
has been arrested aud carried to Fairfax.
Court House. charged with tho murder of
Nancy Mills, an old colored woman, whose
house. He resisted arrest aud fired upon the
officers aud their posse, who returned the
shots, hut they overpowered aud ironed him.
The coroner's jury decided that Cross had
killed her, and subsequently he confessed He
will be tried at the March term. II is stated
that the corpse was discovered by John
Williams, a coiored man, who claimed that
he SAW In a dream the dead body of Nancy,
where IL was afterward found.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

yrr.s,-, THE STOCKHOLDERS oFTHE WASH
bsSasa i1gton Gas Light Company are hereby
notified that their annual meeting for the cleo
tion Of Directors for the ensuing year will be
held at the Office Of the company In this city, on
MONDAY, February 4, 1850.
Polls open from 12 O'Clock m to y. m.
CHAS. b. BAILEY,
Secretary.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

Meteorologlcally speaking, Zero is an u
known quantity this winter.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

When retail dealers organize "Trust" 1t
is never for the benefit Of their customers.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22

John L. Sullivan has never yet backed up
apninsi loose electric lipht wire.
The Washington critic., 1889-01-22


News from Samoa causes commotion IN
the foreign office at Berlin, and is beginning
to attact the attention of the British Govern
meut. There is an apparent contradiction be-
tween the reports received via San Francisco
and those via Auckland, the former having 1t
that three American houses were burned by
the Germans, and the latter that the German
Consul's residence and two German houses
adjoining were destroyed presumably by
Mataafa's people. England is quite as much
interested as the United States In the affair,
now that British property aud subjects are
imperiled. In the absence of official or au-
thentlc advices from the scene of the dis
turbance the British Government has not fol-
lowed that of the United States In taking de-
cided action. But II is reported that Lord
Salisbury has assured Mr.. Phelps, the Amer
lean Minister, that England will cordially CO.
operate with the United States In putting
u stop to German aggression in Samoa, II in
ternational law aud treaty stipulations have
been violated. 1t is quite evident that the
prompt action of the American Government
In ordering men-of-war TO Samoa has per-
picked the German as much as 1t has pleased
the British authorities.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-12-12
No Penal Colony Wanted.

The project of establishing penal col
ony for this country in Alaska, says the
Philadelphia Telegram, seems to have
been revived and it is said will be
brought to the attention of congress this
winter. The attempt was made several
years ago to untilize Alaska in this way
by bill introduced by Senator John R.
MCPHERSON, and it is this measure which
is to be rehabitilitated and put on its
passage.
1t is rather early to oppose a measure
not yet presented to congress; but it is
not too soon to warm everyone of the
grave objections to the poisoning of any
colony or any territory subject to this
nation by the plan of populating it with
the criminal classes. The example of
Australia should certainly defer any
government from following similar
course. That vast continent by reason
of its almost entirely unsettled condition
at the time and its great distance from
England, utterly precluding any posi-
bility of return except by consent or
collusion of the authorities, offered an
indeal opportunity for penal establish
ment; yet its use in that way greatly
checked the growth of this great colony
and became such serious matter to the
reputable colonists and settlers that they
refused, almost by force of arms, to
permit any more convict ships to land
and compelled the home government to
send them elsewhere. This is the way
the business impressed the early settlers
in Australia, a locality which was almost
anideal spot for convict station. What,
is it to be imagined, will be said of
Alaska, a territory which must in time in
vite miners, prospectors and business
men to take advantage of its great natural
resources? To poison the life of this ter
ritory in its inception would certainly be
a mistake, to put it mildly as possible.
Certainly those who desire territorial
soil and opportunities for legitimate pur-
poses ought to have first show at Alaska.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-12-12

plantations, and as they retired one OF
them remarked:
'1t's a good thing for you, old bow
legs, that you have got a guardian"
When they had gone and we were
left to ourselves Mr.. Bowser looked
important and observed:
"Well, l made mighty short work of
that blaze"
you! What did you dop" l asked.
"What did l dop Mrs. Bowser, do
you intend to claim any credit for ex-
tinguishing that blazep'
81 do. But for me the house would
have gone. Mr.. Bowser, you were SO
ratified that you acted like crazy
man."
"What! You put out the fire! 1
ratified! Mrs. Bowser, this is too
much. l see through the conspiracy.
On several occasions you have driven
me to the limit. This is beyond the
limit. l shall see my lawyer in the
morning"
But when morning came he forgot
all about it. He was too busy bring
ing the neighbors in to show what a
narrow escape he had had. and how
his presence of mind saved the house.
Free Press.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-12-12
Omitted States of Canada"

The desire for independence is grow
ing on the Canadian border. Sol White,
the great exponent of annexation, indie
pendence or any other move that would
enable Canada to cut loose from the
mother country, announces himself as a
candidate for the mayoralty on a strictly
dissolution" platform and a strong
party is rallying to his support.
In the window of a prominent store
in Windsor, Ontarior, is a flag that is
causing comment. 1t is of dark blue
with red square in the upper left-hand
corner. On this red square is white
beaver, while the blue field is dotted
with seven stars, to represent the seven
states of the Omitted States of Canada"
Ontario, Quebec, Manitoba, Nova Sco-
tia, British Columbia, New Brunswick
and Prince Edward Island. The beaver
represents the Northwest territories.
Some say the flag is reasonable. Such
a flag would have caused riot ten years
ago, and its liberation now shows the
growth of popular feeling.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-12-12
"All's Well That Ends Well"

Last week the TRIBUNE opened the
way to return to the starting point of
the controversy with the Progress The
latter's response, though still of the
lodging and perverting order, was far
more civil than any of its previous
answers, proving that a little plain talk
ing had its desired effect. But passing
from the manner to the substance of the
article we find it contains absolutely
nothing worthy of note outside few
snarling personalities, which are beneath
us to give them any further considera-
ton. This, we presume, will end what
our contemporary has termed "a little
newspaper nonsense" and we trust that
when the next occasion requires criti-
cism of any of its articles, it will be able
to distinguish such comment as it is
given, and not be deluded into graspine
everything as a personal attack. The
friendly advice given by the Hazletor
journals intimates as much, and that oul
neighbor will profit by their counsel il
our earnest wish.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-12-12

If the good right arms of the Pension
Commissioner and his lusty aids shall
hold out, the treasury surplus will very
soon cease to be a burning question.
During November last 4,189 pension
certificates were issued, which beats the
record of official activity in this direc-
ton. In the corresponding month of
last year 10, ,5S7 certificates were issued;
in November, 1887, S052, and in Noyem-
Der, 1886, 1888. Within three years the
monthly rate of issuance of pension GER
tifcates has been doubled and the
swarm of invading pensioners has hard
ly begun as yet to settle down upon the
public treasury. There is no halting in
the liberalty Of our statesmen; no lack
of industry in the active disbursing
agents of the immense pension fund,
which already amounts to about one
third of the entire expenses of the
National Government, The measure of
pension largesse, it appears, is the capa'
city of the treasury to meet the multi
tudinous and steadily increasing drafts
made upon it in the name of patriotism
for the purpose of plunder. 1t is scarce
ly TO be wondered at that the govern
ment should be ready to rush into any