Morning journal and courier., 1889-08-31
oil well: then he will be a hole sold fellow. -Vonkar,a Gazatta

oil we'll: then he will be hole sold fellow" -Yonker's Gazette.
 Two sweet young things were discussing recent execution the other day in railway carriage on the Brighton line. "Fanoy being hanged!" exclaimed one, 'Imagine the dis grace!" "Oh, horriblei" coincided the other. "I am sure should never survive it."-Lon- don Fun.
 Not to be put Down.-"See, my son, how we'll this trained dog can calculate; and yet you bring me very bad report as to your arithmetic. Arne't you ashamed," "All very we'll, father, but you just ask him one question in geography and see what he knows."-Fliegende Blatter.
 Castomer-"You sell cracked eggs at half price, do you nota" Clerk-"Yes'm. We always make 50 per cent. reduction on cracked goods. Anything else to-day" Customer-"Yes. You may give me dol- lars worth of cracked wheat, and here's your fifty cents. ."-Exohange.
 Mrs. Grubbs-Mornin', MT. Jenks. want a gallon of oil.
 MT. Jenks the grocer)-"Yes'm; white oil, suppose, as usual"
 "No, guess I'll hev some midnight oil eff you've got enny. My boys home from col lege, and he said he'd have to burn some."- Texas Siftings.
 A Valuable salesman.-Juvenile customer (doubtfully)-'I'm afraid you haven't any ribbon of the kind I want. Mamma said must be sure to ask for mouse color" Sales- man (equal to the emergency, producing a bolt of fiery red ribbone"Thats what this is-crushed mouse. How many yardsa"- Chicago Tribune.
 Mir. Winkers.-"I hear you have had two very bad thunderstorms lately in your town" Old Friend-"Yes, the first one struck a church but no one was hurt. You see. the weather looked 6 little threatening that Sun- day and there wasn't anybody there. But the second storm blew over circus tent and killed 18 deacons and 4 presohers."-New York Weekly.
 A couple of good natured Frenohmen got into quarrel and challenged each other ts fight. On the morning of the duel they and their seconds tramped through the woods to the fatal spot, when one of the duelists, the challenging party, tripped and fell. His second helped him to his feet. sI hope you ara not hurt" said the other duelist. "Pm not much hurt; only bumped my nose on the ground" ssDoes it bleeda" "Yes, lit- tle.'' Heaven be praised! Blood flows and my honor is vindicated. Give me youl hand, old boy."-London Tid Bits. A clergyman of this city likes to tell g story of his experience in suburban church some years since. He was to preach an ex- change. and ss was little anxious to have things go smoothly. The pastor had left e written order of service for him, but il contained no reference to an organ response after the "long prayer" So he called the aged sexton to the pulpit and asked him what followed the prayer. The sexton couldn't remember. Doesn't the organ have anything to dos" asked the preacher. "Oh, says the sexton, 'I believe the organ doel give few notes, just to take off the effec of the prayer" Another Boston clergyman ! was once surprised, on preaching an ex. ! change, to find Ca strain on the organ" upor
 the order as following the prayer. When he l heard the wheezy, asthmatic tones of the In
 strument he concluded 1t was indeed { I s'strain. ."-Boston Record.