Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-04-25
MRS. CUFFINS' HUSBAND.
A Humorous Sketch.

stood on to cut out the first Mrs. Cuff
fms last new gray merino. But such is
fate.
used to say I'd never marry a
widower, or ahomcly middle-aged man,
and I'd done both, and didn't repent it.
But l had manty-maked fer ten years,
and got over my romantic ideas, and
valued the more substantial qualities in
man, such as keeping plenty of kim
dlings split, and never letting the -four
barrel get low, and putting patent
pump in the kitchen.
You can't manty-make without get
ting to know the character OF the folks
of these neighborhoods whereunto you
air called by Providence; and I'd heard
of Obadiah Guffins.
The fust Mrs. Gufiins never had to
turn her black silks nor to wear last
winters bonnit. Raisins was in her
store closet by the box, and all that
heart could wish WIZ hern, except that
she enjoyed poor health, which carried
her off at last to reside amongst the
cherubims and seraphims, where there's
no more sick headaches.
Obadiah missed the first Mrs. Guflins
very much indeed. Why, would never
hev he'd anybody that didn't lament
their late deceased partner should
expect to be treated SO myself when the
time came.
I never objected to him recruiting to
his tender rememberies when he was
calm on me. He called Sunday even
ings, and where / boarded the young
folks was all married, SO they let US hev
the parlor eff I'd buy the kerosene for
the best lamp. Our counting was short
and sweet. He called four times. The
first time we sat on two chairs each side
the CRATE, and told each other about the
weather and SIGH. The second time he
brought his chair around to mine, and
said he felt kinder lonesome over there
by himself. The third time he put his
arm about my waist and said:
How good your frocks fit"
And the fourth time he said:
Martha Maria Packenham, you've
seen my house, and you know jest about
what I'm worth. I'm good provider,
eff do say it myself. Don't you think
it would be more to your interest fur tn
change the wild and wandering life of a
manty-maker for the more sedentary one
OF Missus Guffins? Eff so, let us set the
day and get married before planting
time comes on, so We can go of some
where on tower"
was going to ask a week to think
about it, for don't believe in letting a
man think you are jumping at him; but
I reflected that the Widder Bush wanted
hin, and her place was next to his, and
there was no use of giving her chance,
so said:
Il don't know but what you're right,
Mr. Guffins," and calculated how long
it would take me to get pearl-gray silk
made up, and set the day according.
And that is how 1 came to be Mrs.
Guffins the second, and Obadiah talking
to me about a turkey dinner.
"Marthy Maria" said he Friday is
my birthday and I'd like to hev IA tur-
key dinner. Roast turkey stuffed, cram
berry sarse, pertaters, onions, turnips,
and mince pie"
And says I:
Obadiah, you shall have good one.
Not so good as the first Mrs. Guffins hev
cooked, but as good as kin do it.
Eff there was anything of that sort to
be said, meant to say it myself and hev
the credit of it. 1t is the safest plan. l
concluded to put little brandy in the
mince meat. The brandy was down the
cellar, and had the keys in my pocket.
When 1 first came had noticed that
Obadiah went down to take look at
the cellar kinder often, and when fol-
lowed him found ont why. The dim
myjohns was down there. Now, good
provider must hev some dimmyjohns in
case of sickness and fur cooking, but
they don't need to be called on to ask
how they be very often, so I locked up
the cellar and put the keys on my ring.
and if Obadiah had cramps or anything,
all he had to do was to tell me, and l
tended to it. But, as said, / decided
to put some brandy in the mince meat,
and went down to get it. The key
wouldn't turn, I remembered, until l
took it off the ring. The others sort of
weighed it down.
Well, got sufficiency, and fixed
nv pies and baked 'em, SOS to warm up
when needed. And on the birthday
morning Obadiah went out to see to
picking the peaches, promising to come
in at IL and dress, for I'd asked COM
pany. A TURKEY dinner is too much for
two, and it takes company to keep up
any day much.
The dinner was most cooked and the
best set on, and II had come, and still Oba
diah wasn't in. He had orter of shaved,
too. I felt fidgety. A sort of PRESENT.
ment took me like stitch in the side.
But went up to change my dress, and
when I put the keys into the other
pocket found I'd left the cellar key in
the door.
Run down and lock up, and bring it
to me-" said to Charity Pigott, my
help.
She did it, and came back shivering.
Whats the matter?' SEE l.
well, if you must know, Mrs. CUT
fins" SEE she, that cellar skeers me. 1
always expect to see spooks down
there"
You're a born idiot, said L
Obadiah hadn't come in yet, and it
seemed as if he would be prompt, if he
could, when he had wanted turkey din
ner so bad and folks was coming.
tried to think that nothing could
happen picking peaches. You didn't
climb up like. you did into cherry trees.
and you couldn't be throwed ike Won
might riding the mower, and they didn't
keep the bulls in the peach orchard;
still, things do happen; and as the
folks got there-Deacon Tilbury and
his wife. and Cousin Miranda and her
dazter. and Moses Bobins. that keeps