The morning news., 1889-03-15
BRIGHT BITS.

LIE on the left side, says a health journal. II
u had been law journal it would have said
Lie on both sides. Boston Courier.
IT IS SAID that prominent Italian count will
shortly set the fad of simply wearing plain
yellow pawn ticket at the end of the watch
chaln.-JetOelers' Weekly.
MrKE-What did yez git for yez birthday,
Dennis?
Dennis s-Me discharge What did yez git?
Mike-A batin' from Tom Nolan.-Jltdge.
How ARE those hour glasses? Do they work
easilyg''
'Oh my, yes This one is particularly good.
IL ran through in less than fifty minutes yes
terday. '-Hdrper's Bazdr.
MoTHER-Yes, Bobby. God made YOU I'm
surprised that you should have forgotten that,
Bobby-Well, it happened good while ago,
ma. Seven years is long time for a boy to re-
member anything. Epoch.
Mrs. soCIETy-Have you invited all of your
ana your husbands gentlemen friends?
Mrs. De Fashon-All of mine, but none Of my
husbands. If l should invite his he would miss
PhitddetDhfd Record
BARBER lin high-toned establishment)-Bett
try bottle of our patent superfluous hair re-
mover, sir
Dude Customer-Gud gwacious, man! Why?
Barber-Hayen't you heard. sir. how that the
prince is growing balder every day?-Neto York
sun.
HARD FOR SOME, IMPOSSIBLE PoR OTHERS
Miss Simperthy-I see by the papers that old
Mr.. Bullion has just lost 100000 1t must be
very hard to lose that much money.
Upson DowneS-Hardy / shoud say 50 why
1t would be impossible for me to lose that much
money.-Puck.
Is CoURTsHIP FALURE?-Miss Firstseason--
Oh you sweet creature, I'm so glad to see you!
And you're engaged: do tell me all about
him.
Miss Twoyearsout-There's nothing to tell
He's like all the others before him There's no
dlnerence among them.-IiHle.
YOU'VE LADY TO turnkey)-Can take these
flowers in to the prisoner?
Turnkey-YeS, mem; the thieves and pick
pockets II be glad to get en-. They dotes on
flowers But there amt no murderers in now,
mem. The last one was pardoned out yester-
yesterday.
Yong Lady-Oh. l am so sorry.-Epoch
mo thoroughly occupied man, " says Landon.
was ever yet very miserable. If Landon had
ever removed a tight boot in church. he would
have felt about as miserable as they make EN-
Whle he was thoroughly occupied, about ten
minutes before benediction wondering how he
was ever going to get that boot on again with
out Sitting it from preface to finis-NorriStolcn
Herald
FIRST TRAMP-Aristocracy They don't know
what aristocracy is in this country. Who ever
heard of a ristoerat workn' in England?
Second Tramp-That's 50, Bill and that s why
I'm opposed ter workin'. | don't want them
doods, ike the Prince of Wales and de Rooshon
Ming, dSneefln at ulS country ana aSayln we
amt got no real, simon-pure gentlemen. No,
sir; not while Ilive.--Jtdge.
EASTERN LADY lin Colorado)-It makes me
sick to hear some of your western names. The
idea of calling pretty town like this Wagon
wheel
Resident-It isn't nice name and if we ever
change it promise to les you know at once.
II wish you would
Where shall / address your
'Horseheads, n. Y.'-PhitddeIphid Record
On DECK-"Ah. see yon pale-faced moon
Miss Clara What a charm it gives the night
How sweet to sit beneath its soft translucent
light with one whose heart beats responsive to
your own, and"
That's all pretty, Mr.. Flirtabit, but what do
you propose to do? Here we arr six nights out
and you haven't said anything definite yet It's
about time to get down to business if you mean
to this trip.'-OceGn.
A SERIOUS AFFAIR--Clara-Oh, mother we
had such fun at the party! Young Smith pro-
posed that he and should go through a mock
marriage ceremonY-just in fun, you know; and
it was too funny for anything After
ward, some of the older people who heard of
it said we were really married. but we're not,
are we?
Doting Mother-Of course not. Besides.
young Smith couldn't support a wife if he had
one.
"Oh, it wasn't that Smith. It was the other
Smith, from Gold City, the one who owns a
bonanza mine you know?n
"Eh' That Smith My dear marriage like
that before witnesses is binding. "-NeV York
Weekly.