Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-04-08

We struggled and we were human,
We shed not tear and we spoke not our woe,
But we left him alone with his woman.
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A patch on boys trousers is some
thing new under the son.
Be kind to the little one. You can't de-
velop children as you do cOrns-with
boot
Some people make dollars worth of
trouble in accomplishing five cents worth
good.
The man who can say, give me the
baby, dear, and / will try to put it to
sleep, is greater than he who can mash a
village belle.
IF any one calls for me, wrote the es-
capped convict to the warder of the Jail,
''tell him l am out and you don't know
when I'll be back
An ounce of prevention is better nor a
pound of cure, said Mrs. Brattle, as she
took a cup of ginger tea before eating
sliced cucumbers.
At what age were you married, she ask
ed inquisitively. But the other lady was
equal to the emergency, and quietly re-
sponded. At the parsonage.
Why, asked pretty Miss Downbirds, do
men pay so much to hear woman whis-
tie? Because, said old Gruffanglum; when
she is whistling she can't sing.
An exchange says that the reason there
are so many mutton heads in existence is
to be found is the fact that such num-
Der of children are ''perfect little lambs.
Lawyer (to witness) Ibid you say
that an incompetent man could keep a no
tel just as good as anybody" Witness
mo, L said tn at an inexperienced man
could"
So you were at Mrs. Marbles dinner
Yesterday What sort of menu did they
give you? l really can't tell you, for L
didn't take any. It's thing L seldom
touch.
oWhat makes the girl wink so funny?"
INQUIRED DeSmythe OF Browne. lis she
intoxicated?'' 'Oh, no; she is not intox-
icated," responded Browne. "Its only
her shoes that are tight"
Mrs. Muggins (reading)-Every man
gets the wife heaven intended for him.
Mr.. Muggins (musingly)-It must be
true, then, that men are punished in this
world for their sins.
Ethel-Are you going to the seashore
this summer? Laura-That depends.
Papa says 1 may go if he fails, but if he
is obliged to continue in business shall
have to stay at home and economize.
The Congregationalist reports the
small boy as saying don't like my Sun
day school teacher. Why not? inquired
the head of the household. Because he
is so ALFRED pious.
Have you anything to say why sentence
of death should be passed upon you? Yes,
your honor. What is it. have always
been and still am, stren1ously opposed to
capital punishment.
Ticket agent Cat railroad station)-I
wish some way could be invented to keep
men away from the ladies' window. By
stander-Easy enough, put the sign For
Ladies Only on the door
minnie has been in to see me to-day"
said little five-year-old, and she behaved
like lady" ':And l hope you did, too"
said her mother. Eyes, indeed, did. |
turned somersets for her on the bed"
Mamma-Why are you sticking a pin
into your German book, Elsie? Elsie
Why, the dinner bell has rung, mamma,
and want to remember where 1 left off
hunting for the verb in that sentence.
Pshaw, said Sixteenth street lady to
her husband, who had been criticising her
attire, what does man know about wo-
prices, my dear, he replied, gently, and
she retired.
Pawnbroker-This is a very fine alarm
clock, sir; and l am sorry to say can
not advance you tenth of its value.
Citizen-Never mind. 1t will be of no
further use TO me. There are twins in
the house.
Landlady-That new boarder needn't
try to make me believe he is bachelor.
He's either married or a widower. How
can you tell? Landlday-He always turns
his back to me when he opens his pocket
book to pay his board.
Son-Papa, how do they catch lunatics!
Cynical father-With large straw hats
and feathers and white dresses, jewelry,
and neat gloves, my boy. Mamma (mus-
ingly)-Yes, | remember that's how
dressed before we were married.