The morning news., 1889-04-13
BRIGHT BITS.

NATURAL SELEcrIos-Dude-Mis Lu, if you'll
bounce that pet poodle Of yours I'll marry you
I've $40, coo q year
Lu-sIuch obliged. I'll make my own choice
of puppies.
TEAcHER-What was there remarkable about
the battle or Lookout.
Little Dick lat the foot of the class)-It caused
bangs on the brow of a mountain.-Btn0hdnl-
ton Republican,.
"ELI," asked Mrs Potts, what is it that
every woman wants and no man ever owns -
Instead Of dutifuliy giving it up and giving her
. chance to say "a husband the wretch merely
answered, 'ehe earth. "-TeTre Hdate Express.
A Possible DAKeER-First Philadephia Dame
Yes, I'm waiting most anxiously for letter
Fhlcn ought 20 have been here two weeks ago.
Second Pniiadslphis Dsme-Dear me- l hope
Wanamaker hasn't been Introducing his pneu-
matte cash tubes into the postoffice department.
-Phi!adetph.sd Record.
Mr. SLoAPAY-I haven't eaten any meat since
the beginning Of Lent.
Mr.. Wilberry-I didn't know you were an OBJ
server OF Lent. Or was it by order of your
physiciany
Mr.. Sloapay-Neither 1t is by order of nv
butcher.-Terre Hdute Express.
LULU-Sir Herbert proposed and said he could
put million at my feet. | like him. but like
American Jack better, and as he offered mil
Elsie-ldiot. Sir Herbert meant a million
pounds, five of our millions!
Lulu-Oi did he boo ohoo-.-Ep0ch.
INSURANCE OFFICER-I understand that Mr..
Richman hasn't cent of insurance on his life.
Why dol't you 60 for him?
Agent-Won't DO He was born lucky and
makes money out of everything ne touches If
we should insure Richman to-day ten chances
to one he'd die tomorrow. Philadelphia
Record.
He SOMETIMES READ THAT sroRY-"How did
you ever happen to tnd that lottery ticket
mamma took away from you the other day
Willie? inquired Johnny.
She told me she had hid it in the Bible"
Yes, but she didn't notice where she put it,
II was right in the David and Collar story
Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. SPENpTHRIFT-I am beginning to be-
stingy. l am afraid that in time will be a
miser.
'Friend--Haye you laid up much money?
We'll, I've not precisely laid up any money,
but the aggregate amount OF debts that have
acquired during the last year is $15OO less than
the year before.-Terds SLfti1gs.
CONCLUSIVE EPRooF.--Carboy-M Pipes, l be.
lieye that there is gas escaping in mY-house.
What shall do to prove ity
Pipes Che plumber)-why don't you taEa
match and test the joints. EE 1m
Carboy Gin alarm it might explode, and
blow me up! EH
Pipes (coolly)-Well, you wouldn't want ahy
better proof than that would youg--Drdheis
Mdyaztne.
BoTH OF THEM CoNFUsED.=They were passing
under the elevated railroad, and the din over.
head was almost deafening.
This hustle makes my head ACHE" she said
Probably" observed he, If you were to
wear a smaller one"
Sir" she indignantly cried, 81 mean the
noise confuses me. p"
II beg your pardon" stammered he. Il am
confused too Time.
JOKER Ito new boy in his favorite grocery
store)--I see you have maple syrup in. Where
is IL manufactured?
New Boy-ln the maple groves of Vermont:
the sap from the trees is run into kettles an
then boiled on
See here, boy, thought you just came to
this grocery store"
Yes, sir, but l worked in another grocery
store before "-P Philadelphia Record.