davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
A Surprised Joker.

A laughable but rather embarrassing
case of mistaken identity occurred the
other day in one of Boston's largest
retail stores. A gentleman who is a
little too fond of joking entered the
store for the purpose of meeting his
wife at a certain counter. Sure
enough, there stood a lady dressed,
to his eye at least, just like the woman
he was after.
Her back was turned and no one
was near her; SO he quietly ap-
preached, took her by the arm, and
said, in a voice of simulated severity
well, here you are, spending my
money as usual, ehg'
The face turned quickly toward him
was not his wifes; it was that of an
acrid, angry, keen eyed woman of
about so years, who attracted the atten-
ton of everybody in that part of the
store by saying, in loud, shrill voice:
mo, | amt spending your money
nor no other mans money, and Tll'-
II beg your pardon, madam" cried
the confused gentleman, Il supposed
you were wife, and"-
well, just amt your wife, nor
no other mans wife, thank fortune, to
be jawed at every time | buy yard
of ribbonl pity your wife if you go
round shaking her like you did me. If
1 was her, I'd
The chagrimed joker waited to hear
no more, but made his way out of the
shop amid the filters and sly chuckles
of those who had witnessed his con-
fusion. Youths Companion.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
Tho Best Chocolate.

If you have large and rather elab-
crate dessert chocolate may be served
with, say, the third course, as an ac-
compartment to the remaining part of
the meal; or, if the dessert be light,
chocolate may be served the last thing
with whipped cream and a sweet
wafer. A senator's wife who is said to
make the best chocolate in Washing
ton gave the following recipe to Miss
Edith ingalls,: Three-quarters Of a
cake of chocolate, one quart of cold
water, one quart of sweet, rich milk,
sugar to taste. Crate or scrape the
chocolate and mix with the water
thoroughly and smoothly; then sweet
en- and allow to boil until it is quite a
thick paste. Boil the milk separately
and stir it into the chocC,i,t mixture
and cook few minutes longer. New
York Telegram.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
Tearing History to Tatters.

The Magazine of American History
presents historic and incontrovertible
reasons for believing that the Declara-
ton of independence was not signed
by any one on the Fourth of July,
l776, except by John Hancock as pres
ident, and by Charles Thompson as
secretary; that the engrossed copy
which had been made on the Fourth
of July was, by happy afterthought,
signed generally Aug. 2; that the APP
proving vote was not unanimous on
July A, but was approved by several !;
that one Of those who was present
July and approved is not among the
signers enrolled; that at least one
eighth of the signers were not even
members of congress on July A, 1776.
So history gets pulled to pieces and
facts displace some very pleasant and
romantic fictons.-St. Louis Globe
Democrat.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
Boiler Explosions of the Year.

The Safety Valve gives this record
of boiler explosions during 1888; Total
number of boilers exploded 263; es-
timated loss to property, 81, 100 COOS
estimated loss by stoppage Of business,
81, $50, 900; number Of employees
thrown temporarily out of work, 49,
900; number of lives lost, 926; num-
Der of persons injured, 49l. OF boilers
in saw mills and other wood working
establishments there We're 60 eNplo-
sions; locomotives, 2l; steamships,
tugs, and other steam vessels, 10; port
able boilers, holsters, and agricultural
engines, q; mines, oil wells, GOLFERS,
IS; paper mills, bleacheries, digesters,
ETC., IS; rolling mills and iron works,
25; distilleries, breweries, dye works,
sugar houses, and rendering works,
81; flour mills and grain elevators,
10; textile manufactures, l6; miscel-
laneous, 81.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09

Those who are anxious to remain
in the flesh beyond the ordinary dura-
ton of this mortal life will be inter-
ested in the habits of the old Turk who
has recently died at Haddahta, aged
100 years. Old Hadji Soliman
Saba had seven wives, all of whom
died before him; he was the father of
sixty sons and nine daughters, who
have also gone the way of all flesh,
and the year before his death he was
thinking of marrying again. but could
not obtain the necessary funds to buy
a bride. Saba was farmer unto his
life's end; his diet consisted mainly of
barley bread, beans (vegetarians, take
noteD and water, and only twice a
year, on high festivals, did he eat
meat. His clothes were even more
simple than his diet, consisting of a
shirt only, and when he travelled a
pair of trousers. His bed was a mat
tress and a straw mat, and it had
never been a bed of sickness" till
three days before his death. Pail Mall
Gazette
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
Comfortable if Not Pretty.

"a Chinaman is not pretty to look
at, and his clothes do not fit like the
traditional paper on the wall. but I
think his attire the most comfortable
in the world said a gentleman the
other day. To begin with" he re-
sumed, the Chinaman wears a soft,
low crowned, broad brim felt hat,
which is easier on the head than a
stiff derby or silk hat and a greater
protection to the eyes. Then his neck
is dressed more comfortably than
ours, too. He wears but a single band
around the neck, or two at the most.
Have you ever counted up what we
wear9 No! Well, just figure it out
now. The undershirt band is one, o
possible chest protector is two, a shirt
band is three, a collar is four, a neck
tie is five, vest collar is six, coat
is seven, an overcoat collar is eight,
and neck scarf sometimes makes the
total nine-nine bands around the
neck. What chance for perspirationl
Yes, the Chinaman's rig is more COM
Portable, Chicago Herald
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
IN VAIN

The rustling Of the wings thou nearest near
Are not great loves wide pinious fruged with
fire,
Nor that soft air that stirs thy soul with fear
Aught but the tingling breath of vague desire;
The wings Of him who stands betwixt us twain
Mock with their wanness loves bright hues in
vain
Thou canst not take loves name in vain, or lay
Aught but thine undivided burning heart
Upon his shrine, lest even the air should stay
Thy hand, and into warning whispers start;
Mar not this moments aye remembered grace
To set a stain of earth upon its face
Alas how heavenly fair this spot would be
If we but loved this overhanging cave
LIES long sought haven, while the murmuring
Reflects a smile of God in every wave;
Yet we, wrapped in night shadows, still do stay
Hopeless upon the outskirts of the day
Lilly Haynes in The Academy
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
NIOdieska ADOlOgiZed.

Think Nine. Modjeska is the most
genuinely religious woman l ever
met. She is the truest kind of a Chris
tan. A woman of singularly gentle
disposition, she never has a word of
harsh comment or criticism for any
body l was in her rooms one Sunday
evening and we were waiting for Mr..
Henley. Mr.. Henley was late.
That is just like him." Nine. Mod
jeska said; 'he promised to be here at
a quarter to o'clock, and now it is
o'clock"
Then she paused a moment, and
added;
There, have been abusing him,
and I've just come from listening to a
sermon on charity, too. must apol-
ogize to him when he comes"
And she did. San Francisco Call.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
Split His Sides.

Two Irishmen were engaged in
splitting rails in Australia when their
employer overheard the following
ready application of metaphor:
"Hah, my jokerr' exclaimed Paddy
Burn, as he drove a wedge home with
peculiar effect into a large block of the
tree.
Are you making him laugh,
Paddya" asked Jack Galway.
Laugh is ita" rejoined Paddy,
"troth, I'm making him split his sides
laughing. youths Companion.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09
Curious Parasites.

The greenish color of certain cloths
was found some years ago to be due to
a parasitic growth of alge upon the
hair s t Two genera .a and, and three spee les
green, and the other, with its two spe-
cies, violet-have since been described
by Mime. Weber Won Bose. A single
hair may have upon it from $50, 900 to
200, 600 individuals.-New York Tele-
gram.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09

In the lexicon of youth, which fate
reserves for bright manhood, there
u no such word as-fail !-Bulwer
Lytton.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-08-09

The great sheep raiser, Mr.. Mitchell,
of Elko, New, will have a wool clip
of 30, 900 pounds this season.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
1T TELLS YOUR AGE.


The latest drop-a-nickel-in-the-
slot" machine to make its public APP
pearance is device calculated to make
the unenlightened observer believe
that the evil one is behind it oil. Iii Is
a neat little nickel-plated instrument,
set up on Il polished wooden pedestalt
and will tell any mans age-and any
woman's too-with an invariable ac-
curacy that is startling. The instru-
ment itself is about twelve inches high,
and in its face are set six verified rows
of figures, running in ar uneven, jerky
way, from five to eighty. Over each
column is a sort OF little piston rod,
with Il fiat metal top.
The printed directions tell you to
drop your nickel in the slot, then
press your foot hard down on a little
pedal that projects from the base OF
the pedestal. This done you are in
structed by a little printed slip which
pops out just beneath the figures to
pItoo NibI Nou hhScio tlS DiopOu iou
over each of the columns which con-
tains two figures of your age. Thus,
if you are twenty-six years old, say,
you find that number in one of the
columns and press down the rod. I'm
mediately there pops into view the
figure 8. You look for another column
with 26 in it, press the rod and the
figure 10 comes quickly out. Then
you find another rs in another column.
press the rod and another 8 is the re.
suit. Add 8, 10 and s together and
you discover that you are twenty-siX
years old. 1t is very simple, and il
you are honest with it the machine
never fails.
The arrangement of the figures sc
that the age of a guesser may be dis
covered is a very old scheme, but il
has never before been mechanically
deyeloped.-N. Y. Times.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
PRINCESS AND PAUPER.


Strange Yicissitudes of the Widow of u
Roumanian Prime Minister.
A Princess and the widow Of n ccle-
brated Prime Minister has Just ex-
pircd at Gratz, as an inmate of the
city ~almshouse. Twenty years ago
the fame of Princess Marie Ghyka's
beauty extended from the shores of the
Danube to the banks of the Seine.
Napoleon III. was one of her most
fervcnt admirers, and there are doubt
less many of those who took part in
the festivities at the Tuileries and at
st. Cloud during the closing years of
the Empire who will recall to mind the
grace and loneliness Of the wife of the
Roumanian Premier.
A Tyrolese by birth, and OF humble
parentage, she had first attracted the
Princes attention while acting as
governess to the children of a wealthy
nobleman at Bucharest. Finding that
as in the case of the Empress Eugene,
1.-THE only road to her heart led through
the chapel" he married her, much to
the indignation Of his relatives, The
latter obtained their revenge in
1872, when the Prince died very
suddenly and Unexpectedly, leav-
ing his affairs in the most terrible
confusion. BY dint of an immense
amount of bribery and of political in
huence the unfortunate widow was de-
prived of any participation or benefit
in her husbands estate. Finding her.
self pennilcss, she in u moment OF
recklessness and despair forgot what
was due to her rank and station, and
gave way to the temptation which her
beauty caused to be held out to her
from every side. She lived in turn
with several Of the best known men,
bers of the Austrian "%jeunesse dorce."
Dissipation and increasing years
caused her charms to fade, and Il
couple of years ago she vas found
starving in u tenement house of the
suburbs here. A small sum of money
was collected in her behalf and room
secured for her in the almshousc at
Graft, where she has just expired.
Among those who lavished their
wealth on her, and who ruined them
selves for her sake-while her beauty
still lasted-was an Italian named
Morelli, who was stated at the time
here to have acquired in New York the
fortune which he spent on her.
Vienna Letter.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28

Some of her long, green feathers
were lying about the room, and she
limped as she walked across the floor
toward me from a corner of the room.
First she would laugh and then cry,
saying incoherently:
"a 'front.'! Poor Biddy! Biddy wants
her breakfast! Ha, ha! Siddy's a
worm! Ha, Ia! I'm the mayors lady,
Get om! Ra-a-a-gs! Ra-a-ags
to buy! Nice, fresh 6dndR', ten cent a
doz! Ha, ha! Fine day, sir! He, hee,
hne! Poor Biddy!'
She was quite beside herself with
excitement and with citation over her
victory, for it was evident that she
had put to rout some midnight ma
rauder.
A window of the room leading to a
small piazza was open wide, and there
were bloody f~inger-marks On the white
paint of the window sill.
The three chairs in the room were
overturned, Biddy's cage was on the
floor, and there was an old SLOUGH hat
in the center OF the room; and, most
convincing of all, there vas a tuft Of
reddish-brown hair in Biddy's beak,
and in a corner the wig from which it
had come as she pulled it from the in
vader's head.
There was no doubt that the room
had been entered by Il burglar and
Biddy had gallantly shown fight, In
his efforts to seize and silence her in
the darkness, the invader had evident
ly been severely punished, and had
finally fled the field as her screams
continued and the danger of detection
became greater.
Jane came down stairs, and we went
back to mothers room, taking Biddy
with us, and sat up the remainder of
the night listening to Biddy's ram
blings, for she talked and laughed al
ternately until daybreak, and, having
heard me say them, her pet words for
many days were
'Biddy whipped the burglar! Biddy
whipped the burglar! HHrrah for Bid
dy!'-Ienas Dane, in Golden Days.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
A BRIDGE.


The Novel Proposal Made By u Well
Known swedish Engineer.
A proposal recently brought for
ward by Herr Rudolf Lilljeqvist, Il
Swedish engineer, for effecting perma-
nent railway communication between
Sweden and Copenhagen, merits some
notice, as introducing a new mode
never as yet, however, put to the test
of actual eXpcrience-of carrying a
line beneath the sea.
The distance between Elsinore and
Helsingborg is about two and II hall
miles; and the passage is frequently
blocked in winter by ice, preventing
navigation. The cost Of an ordinary
bridge, which would OF necessity have
TO be carried sufficiently high above
sea-level to offer no impeachment tc
vessels, would be prohibitive in 4
country but sparsely populated and OF
limited financial resources; whilst the
additional strength requisite in the
DltIS W NllilNltlu utliitSO w AhN
structure from the floating blocks OF
ice would add very materially to the
estimates.
The proposal put forward is to con.
struct an ordinary girder bridge of one
hundred feet spans, and sink it to such
a depth that ample DON is left for YES.
sells of the greatest draught to sail
over it; the bridge being encased in
cylindrical tubes, which exclude
the water; the outer skin o
the tube being of iron, that
inside of steel, the space between
being filled with concrete. The tubes
inclosing the bridge are to be carried
on ordinary caisson piers filed with
concrete and spaced one hundred feet
apart, pontoons similar to those 81
successfully employed in the construc'
ton OF the Tay bridge being adopted
for founding.
The bridge, which is to carly &;
single line of railway, with foundation
and encasing tubes, but exclusive o
the land approaches, is estimated IL
cost about three-quarters of Il million
sterling.
The scheme may be described as al
ingenious compromise between an or
binary bridge and a tunnel; and it i
claimed that it combines the advan
tages of each, whilst avoiding the at
tendant drawbacks of construction
and heavy outlay involved in the ex
ecution of either in this particula
case.
The general idea, it may be added
is not altogether novel, and has pre-
viously been mooted; indeed, SOM
years back a similar method of passin,
under the Thames was proposed an,
commenced, some lengths Of the en-
casing tube being actually put in hand
The project, however, was abandoned
owing, it is understood. to fnancia
difficulties. and has never been resus
citated. Chambers journal.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
COLTS AND CALVES.



For growing stock grass is recog-
nized as one of the cheapest and best
OF feeds. Not that it is in all cases a
complete food, but during the growing
season it can be used to good advan-
tage as a principal food. And in the
management of the farm stock it is
quite an item to get the largest
amount Of benefit from the grass,
either by p~asturing or soiling.
Calves and colts, in the first few
months of their existence, must de-
pend almost, if not wholly, upon milk.
It matters little during this time
to them, at least, whether their dams
are pastured upon grass or fed hay
and grain in the stable, provided the
quantity and quality are such as to
enable them to furnish a full supply
of milk. But when they are ready to
veal then it becomes u question OF
considerable interest, as they will
grow and develop. usually, in proper
ton to the quality and quantity of the
food supplied.
One of the principal advantages in
having the colts and calves come in
the fall rather than in the spring is
that, by the time they are ready to
wean in the spring, the grass will have
made a sufficient growth to furnish
considerable food, and they will be
able to make their first six months
growth, after weaving, upon grass
rather than upon dry hay or fodder
and grain. In counting the cost
Of preparing an animal for
market, the period of weaving
is usually considered the proper time
for beginning the account, and in a
majority Of cases it will lessen the
cost considerably if grass can be made
the principal food for the first six
months With the cows another item
can be added. Whether marketed as
milk or made into butter the milk is
Of more value during the winter than
in the summer; and, after calving, the
cows will give the largest quantity OF
milk, at least for five to six months,
and this can be secured with little, il
my more expense, during the winter
than in the summer.
So far as possible all the stock or
the farm should be kept in a good
thrifty condition, and il this is done
the cost of feeding is but little, If any,
more during tho winter, whether a
large or a small quantity of milk is
supplied,
With the brood mares it is usually
expected that enough work can be
done by them TO pay at least for their
keep. and yet it is an item to get this
work at u time when it can be used &c
the best advantage. On most farms
this will be found to be in the spring
when the work of seeding and plant
ing, as well as Of c%ultivating is gen
orally most pressing. And by having
the colts come in the fall more work
With less risk, can be secured than |
they come in the spring, and in add
ton there is better food for theil
growth and development after wean
Ing, -st Louis Republic,
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
OLD SAWS IN RHYME.

Let sleeping dogs lie; barking dogs never bite.
Give a dog a bad name and then hang him out
right,
A whipped cur breads the lash; a burnt child
breads the fire,
Though speaking the truth, no one believes a
liar.
Penny wise and pound foolish; easy come, easy
60;
AS light as q feather; as black as a crow.
Save at the spirot and lose at tn hung;
~ man won't be drowned who is born TO be
hung.
Too big for his buttons; hail fe low well met;
Eyes bigger than his belly; forgive and forget.
a place for each thing and each thing in its
place.
Hes got a screw loose; rest is rust; of his base.
Fine feathers fine birds make; two wrongs
make no right;
Say nothing but saw wood hindsight beats
foresight.
Fishing for a compliment; never say die;
God ne'cr lets the trees grow up into the Sky.
Make or break; small potatoes and few to the
hill;
IT'S the quiet pig always gets most of the swill.
Faint heart never won lady fair; nip and tuck;
Blessings brighten when taking their fight:
fools for luck,
fool and his money soon parts; fast and loose;
What's sauce for the gander is sauce for the
goose.
Little ship near the shore ought to keep; hit or
IT'S folly to wise be when Ignorance is bliss.
Any port in a storm; a bee in his bonnet;
n lea in his ear; II the cap fits put omit.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28

II IA pretty severe test ot any doctors
M, ~ svSop the payment Of his foe Is made
S SSnl upon his curing his patient. Yet st
NV, of marvellous cures effected In
Inou u Mood nnd lung diseases, by Dr.
pPn'orre's Golden Medical Discovery, us
manufacturers feel warranted In selling u,
as h are now doing, through al urugII
gists, the world over, under O Gsro,n 6sue AZ
pOS $40 IN every case Of disease for which
M, ~ commend it, If taken in time and
ny ivor y fair trial, or money paid for it will
ia promptly refunded. Torpid liver, or
UUI6ninnsness. impure blood, skin eruptions'
.croS"ions sores and swellings, consump,
Zion (which is s%croiula Of the lgngsl, all
Weld to this wonderful medicine, It IS both
ionic or trength.restoring and Alternative
or blood-cleanslng.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
Mere Bundles of Nerves.

Some pceyish, querulous people seem mere
bundles of nerves. The least sound agltate
their seusOriums and ruilies their tempers.
No doubt they are born so. But may not
their nervousness be amellorated, II not en-
tirely reljeyedi Unquestionably and WIN
IIostettcr's Stomach Bitters. BY cultivat-
ing their digestion, and i|nsuring more com
plcte assimilation of the food with this ad-
mirable corrective, they will experience a
speedy and very p~erceptible gain in nerve
qnietude. Dyspepsia, |biliousuess, constipa-
ton and rheumatism yield to the Bitters.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28

We have often been asked why We
did not establish a Daily Kicker, and
many individuals have promised us
their hearty support. In the first
place, we are now running under one
roof a great weekly newspaper, a har-
ness shop. a grocery, a feed store and
a great boot and shoe house, and we
haven't much spare time, and in the
second place, when we have any
money to throw away we'll do 1t by
establishing a school of philosophy for
lndinns, We've got u good thing us il
is, und We don't sigh for the whole
earth. Arizona Kicker
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
Excelsior Sprinps. Mo

Uneqnaled as ahealth and pleasure resort.
Finest Watering Place Hotel in the West.
The waters will positively cure all Kidney
and Liver Diseases, Dyspepsia, Diabetes,
Female Complaints, Skin and Blood Dis.
eases, etc.
For handsomely Illustrated descriptive
pamphlet, apply to T, CHANDLER. G. p. a. T.
A., "Wabash Line,n ST. Louis, Mo.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28
A Very Popular Presumption,

Bingly (visiting at the Hub)-I sup
pose, Gerald, you will be glad when
you are old enough to wear suspend
crsp
Gerald (four year old)-Although
outwardly have never displayed any
aversion to appearing in the role OF
enfant terrible, yet | presume tina,
eventually the article of wearing APP
parel you refer to will be welcomed by
me in much the same manner in which
it is received by most youthful minds
-Clothier and Furnisher.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1889-09-28

1t would sometimes surprise a
young man to see how ardently the
girl who snubs him whenever he calla
to soc her defends him against criti'
cism when he is not by.--Somervills
! JouroaL