The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1889-04-19
FUNNY FAKES,

Hits n fair question, what does 1t cost
to board q train Troy Press.
The tenderest drum solos are those
that have never been played,-Ptcayune.
This weather sets the sap to running
in the maple trees and the spring poets,
-BtWalO Express.
The fashionable article in metal the
coming season will probably be ham
mered copper,-BOSlon Herald,
When young man proposes and Is
accepted he rings the girls hand. II ho
is rejected he wrings his own hands,
YonkerS Stalesman,
Bessie-"Elow dreadfully ill.atting all
Miss Dowdy's things are" Jennie
eyes. She'd need to have apoplexy Ia
get a llt."-NeW York Erening Sun.
Mrs. Brown-''Aro you sure, dear,
this is the book Mrs. Cobwigger lent
usW Brown-"Quite sure. It's the one
l split the bottle OF ink over."-Hdrper'
Bdldr.
The Emperor Of China is said to en-
ploy ten men to carry his umbrella. II
/ Is quite evident that this useful poten'
tate is prepared for a high reigu.-Har'
pers BdEar.
"What's the reason you don't start the
raft? Are you waiting for more water"
asked a native Of the ancient citizen
Eyes, that's what we rafter," said the
latter Warren Mirror.
Poplnjay-"How Is Montana for throat
trouble, Dumpsey2" Dumpsey-"Bad
very bad. While was there saw
as many as ten fellows who had died Of
strangulation. "-BrlingtOn Free Press.
Mrs. Caution, who has been travelling
out West, says her train had narrow
escape OF terrible accident, but the on
gineer caught sight oil, one OF those soph
ignores Just in time to stop.-Pittsbrrg'
Chronicle.
II we were to choose, the most appro
pirate symbol OF the ileeting, tho evan
esCent, the perishable, the deCaying, thu
herc.tO-day- and. gone tomorrow, per
baps 1t would be pair OF boys boots
Springleli Union.
He-"To.morrow will DO the fifteenth
anniversary Of our marriage" She
eyes, dear, and | must have $40, yor
know. Our wedding ring las never vel
been left in pawn over our anniversary
I-Ictrc'crS Weekly.
Halloran-"G thought yez had a job az
waitin' on the table, McCarty." Nc
Carty.-"I had but quit EN-. The NOR
does not walk upon two fate that cor
make Mike MCCarty worruk indurin
the noon hour."-7ere HGate Express.
Passenger-"IIow many times q day
do yon stop for refreshments on the
road?" ConduCtor-"Six tines "Why
that's good many, isn't it2" "Per
haps 80; but you see q number Of the
directors Of the road are interested in z
company that manufacture a patent med
iCine for dyspepsia. p Workers SatcCmdn
Farmer Bascom-"I sec by the Agrl
cultural Department reports that the
falling off in sheep In New Hamshire last
year was about 1900" Mrs. Bascom-
II don't wonder a mite, Ebenczer. II
doesn't seem TO me that anything but
fy or n mountain goat could stick to
those hillsides. "-Blylingion Free Press
"This is the seventh time within two
weeks that you have asked me when the
train left for Lansing" replied the police
man at the Third street depot toa young
man with a satChel. us It against the
llaw?" "No, but II is rather annoying 70
me-" "Well, II IL annoys you, how do
YOU think ! must feel about itP The
iare is 50 GO, and I've got to think OF
some way to get there on 81 Co.
Detroit Free Pres.