The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-03-28
NOT A SALAMANDER.
4 Painful Episode in tho History Of tho NKos

4 Painful Episode in the History Of tho Mo,
Swat Family. 3
''Billiger. the room is growing cold. I"
Absorbed in his task of reading a
story by the celebrated novelist Wo.
wells, in order to win q bet of fifty dol
lars he had made with Swackhammer
that he could do it in two consecutive
sittings and como out alive, Mr.. Nc
Swat paid no attention to the remark.
''Billiger," repeated Mrs. McSwat,,
presently, ''and the room is growing
cold"
II had not observed it, Lobelia," he
replied, as he hastily sketched a large
6st on the margin of the page, to en-.
able him to find the place again, and
looked up. Is it any colder than it has
been all afternoon.
"Of course it u.s." retorted his wife.
''You don't feel it because you put on
your overcoat when you began to read
that story
What do you want me to dc9'' he
inquired.
You know as we'll as I do. The
furnace needs more COAL"
Billiger laid aside his book, rose to
his feet and yawned-a large, frank,
unreserved and expansive yawn.
"I'll attend to it, Lobelia," he said,
and went down into the basement.
by George, I'll make it warm
enough for her!' he muttered, as he
threw shovelful after shovelful of coal
into the furnace. "Tll give her heat
enough to crack the wall paper if She
wants it," he continued, and he sho,-
eled in some more mo trouble ta
show goods. If you don't see all tn.
coal you want ask for it. 1guess that's
about enough, though"
And he closed the furnace door anc
stood a few moments watching it.
1T doesn't seem to blaze up just ex-
actly as it ought" he said. ''l'll stir it
up little"
He opened the furnace door,
There was sudden bursting into
flame, a fierce puff, a binding glare en-
veloped him, and with yell Of terror,
he started up the stairway.
'.Billiger McSwat!" exclaimed his
wife, as he came tearing into the sit
ting-room, ''what in the world have you
been doing to YOURSELF"
Billiger stepped in front of mirror
and looked long and sorrowfully at the
reflection that met his gaze.
His eyebrows and eyelashes were
gone. his front hair was shriveled, his
mustache had disappeared, and sorry
looking crisp on each side Of his face
was all that remained of a once glori-
Gus pair of side-whiskers.
What in the world have you been
doing to YOURSELF" repeated his anx-
ious wife.
'Lobelia," he replied, in the voice OF
a man who has waded through the
quicksand of doubt and uncertainty,
but has reached the solid ground OF
truth at last, Il have been making an
Internal idiot of myself!"
1T will all grow out again, Billig-
or" said Mrs. McSwat, soothingly,
Some hours later; and she leaned over
the lounge on which he lay, and with
her soft hand she daubed his scorched
| face with vaseline and cold cream.
''Lobelia," he groaned, as he sur.
veyed himself mournfully in hand
| glass, I'm a ruin-a hideous ruin. Il
you had known what a CHASTITY specta
Gle a puff of flame would mako of me
"Lobelia," he continued, in a falterine
voice, "would-would you have mar
ried me?"
''Billiger,' she replied, as she put {
fresh dab of salve on his face, Il would
You need somebody to take care O
| you. "-Chicago Tribune.