News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-07-25

! The tramrlet did remark,
As he requested bread and meat
| Just after dark,
| We'll, sing a seng," the cook replied,
And you shall have your till
Give us symphony inQ
Or cen q triIl."
Not so, quoth he. "My voice is not
The kind you like, fear.
It's useful on election days
To howl and cheer
Bazaar.
JUVENILE JOY.
The urchn now released from school sits OF
! the wharf all day,
And with a bended pin and worm brings ou
the finny prey
He catches ''nippies" by the score, enjoys tht
summer air,
And catches something from his pa when
home he doth repair
Alas how often in the life of every little boy
The bitter lesson he must learn that sorrow
waits on joyl
Boston Courier
ANOo1 -CLI4NNs
To settle the question, 'Is marriage fail
ure?"
Which flate is so banded about,
There are lots of young folks going into that
state
For the purpose of finding it out.
Light.
HAIR TO SUIT.
Madame-Do up my hair, Felice,
while / am down to breakfast,
Fclice Yes, madame; which color?
Madame-The black, please--I am
going to funeral. i Binghampton Re
publican.
AT THE RESTAURANT.
Guest torestaurant table girD-What
have you got for dinner3
Table Girl tbeei1ricasseedchicl-
enstewedlambhashba potato
Observation-Disclosures.
Guest-Give me the third, fourth,
fifth, sixth, eighteenth and nineteenth
syllables. Lawrence American.
AFooL's ADVICE.
A gentleman was once lamenting to q
friend the conduct of his son.
"You should speak to him with firm
ness, and remind him of his duties, -
said the other.
He pays no attention to what / say.
He listens only to the advice of fools. 4"
Then, with n sudden thought. II wish
CISCO WASH s''""lS T." hin" '''--ISp'' F'nn-
NOT TOO MAD.
Angry Subscriber Ito editor) - I'm
mad ali the way through, an / want my
paper stopped.
"Yes, sir; do you want to pay what
you owe!"
q No; l amt mad enough for that. y
-IPhpnix Herald.
FISHING QUIETLY.
Owner of fsh-pond Ito man who Is
catching fish)-Don't you see that sign
mo Fishing Allowed 2"
Angler Well, L wasn't making any
noise, was /
WHY TIE WAGON GRoANED.
CIara-What a terrible noise tina
wagon makes
George Yes, its dreadful, isn't it?
"What makes it groau so, George 2
"Why, it is filled with green apples.
i Yonkers Statesman.
BOBBY'S COMPLAINT.
Bobby grew impatient Mt the table
He had been cautioned by his mother t.
eat sparingly, and to say ''thank you
when anything was passed to him. Ih'
older ones demanded so much attention
that Bobby got very little. "Ma, h
whispered after time, chow can | Ell
sparingly and say thank you if / don
get anything r. Binghamton Repuh
lican.
A IAUDABLE OBJECT.
Miss Honeycomb Oh, Mr.. Macinus
won't you please send me couple
your photographs
Mr.. Macinus (highly Aattered)-Why
certainly; with pleasure. But won't on
be sufficientl
Miss Honeycomb-Well, should Ink
to have as many as possible. l belon
to the 600 Forward Band, and we al
sending out lot of pictures to anus
the little Indians The Argosy.
WHAT SHE LIKED.
"What do you like best?" said M
Diny Dent to his girl, as they stood tc
gether at the soda counter.
"Oh, ! like ginger aleP' she al
swered; "and champagne. Any thin
that-that that"
She didn't finish, but she blusheC
and Diffy popped that night.
A DAMPENER.
Mr.. Bertie-Do you like the engag
ment ring, dearest
Miss Gertie-Yes, it is just splendi'
and so different from what the ethe
have given me- Epoch.
MIsAPPREHENsIoN.
Mrs. Michigan-Ho kind your hu
band must be to give you such love
O bonnet.
Mrs. Prairie My dear, he paid Il
bill under the impression that it was
fiower-garden. II Chicago Journal.
SUBJECTS EXHAUSTED.
Little Alice oh, dear, Tn afraid
Mrs. Bank don't go pretty soon '
won't get our ride with mamma. Ali
her call most over!
Little Dick-I guesso. Mamma
talking about the second girl now, a
there is only the nurse an the janlt
left New York Weekly.
HE sILENCED THE BARBER.
Kutemoff- man in your line doy
/ in our town got up an ingenious thin
said the stranger, as he leaned back
r the barber's chair at the hotel to ha
5 his face scraped, after having his hf
t cut. 1t WAS machine to blow the loo
! hairs off customers neck. 1t work
Q like charm, and did the work of hi
o dozen men.
: Barber-Yes, and turned half doz
/, men out of work.
8 Kutemoff Yes, that's why the barbt
Q had him boycotted.
Barber--And made him lay up
Q machine.
r Automobiles. That is to say,
g awhile. But he got ahead of 'em in
!. end. He Just put little onion Juice
/ the machine, and rs it stood behind h
: the customer never knew the dlfteren'
4 you know.
r Barber grunts " HIM" finishes
{ silence, slaps off the towel viclOusly, a
4 calls out '' Next in the voice of II II
) who has killed his grandmother and
@ now yearning for the blood of the l
of the family Boston Transcript,