The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1889-08-23
WIT AND HUMOR.

Wll AMI uUMUh.
The English noblemen in the beef
Business MAY be called brew sirs, too.
-HNsburg Chronicle.
Agood resolution is a fine starting
point, but as a terminus it has no
yalue.-Scranton Truth.
Oddly enough, it is the man Of loose
habits who is the most likely to get
tight.-Sone7viHe Journal.
The next day after you have caught
him ut it the best man in town seems
as bad as any one. -Atchtson Globe.
VIVA. a glorious world this would
be II people lived up to the epitaplis
on their tombslones!-- Hutchinson (Kas.)
Ne,Us.
Those who wish most earnestly for
friends are the least disposed to pay
the price true friendship costs.-1ucson
Star.
you applied for a stay. didn't
your" "Yes; got it, too" How
longp" Twenty years at hard labor"
-Ha,per's Bazar.
An exchange has an article ION
Getting Ahead" Almost anybody can
do that. The difficulty is with lne hat.
darlington Free Press.
When everything appears unusually
fresh we say the season is forward,
and when a person is unusually for
ward we say he is too fresh.-Boston
Transcript.
When a man has his life insured for
II million dollars he should not calcu-
late on having a great deal of unmiti-
gated grief wasted around his bier
Martha's Vineyard Herald.
About the only difference between
q boodlcr and a thief is that one holds
IL public trust and the other is too de-
cent and consistent to push himself in
politics. Detroit Free Press.
Kindness may be the "goldcn chain
by which society is bound together"
as Scott says, but there is always some
fellow trying to borrow your particular
link to pawn.-Ie1as SJtings.
No man aver 'gets cven'' with au-
other by doing n mean thing in retail
alton for q faucied wrong. Ho only
succeeds in making himself 4 mean
man.-New Orleans Pcaymme.
Miss Hardheart-"No, Mr.. Winks. l
will neither marry you nor be your
sister" Winks - "Thanks, awfully,
S'posc you lend me ten, then, and Well
call it square.-MAadelphia Inquirer.
.'How's your friend BeggsP" "Hc
isn't my friend any longer" "Why!
how is that?" "He did me a deadly
injury, aud l don't suppose he'll ever
| consent to forgive me for it.".-Chicago
Ledger.
Frank-How charming it is out
here, with the flowers in bloom and
the birds singing. Mabcl-Yes, isn't it
lovelyp But just wait till you sec me
with my new summer wrap on!-Bos-
ton Beacon.
Enter Seedy, with manuscript-Good
morning, sir. Want any jokes? My
forte is the absurd and ridiculous. Got
a place for anything like that? Editor
Certainly. Take q scat.-PAIadcl-
phia Press.
First little boy-Papa was readin'
somfn' about Mind Reader Bishop be-
IN killed, but l couldn't make out
how it was. Second little boy (sol-
emnly)-He had two doctors .-New
York Weekly.
"Mary," said her mother severely,
'if l am not mistaken. l saw your
head on Georges shoulder. What
sort of an attitude is that for n young
lndy?" Mary ccstatically, ''Beati-
tudcn'-P Philadelphia Press.
1T is said that the hogs of.this coun-
try are double the value of the sheep.
Is that the reason why the railway
hog monopolizes two seats in n car
while some sileep-faccd man is com.
PEELED TO stand.-IeGas Sitiings.
Mrs. De Graw-They saw Mr.. Sad
face never goes where he comes in
contact with women. Wonder what's
the matter. Mr.. De Graw (signiti.
cantly)-Hc was II Mormon before lie
came East-Hiladeiphia Inquirer.
Agent-Youm like the organ ma'am.
Just let me put it in your parlor for a
fewdays, Housewife don't wantit.
Agent = 1t has ten stops, and
HOUSEWIFE don't care il it has fifty.
1t can't stop here.-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Jason This novel speaks
about a man looking like an unuttcr-
able fool. What Kind of a fool is
thatP Mr.. Jason-It means that the
qualifying adjective is not fit to utter
in polite society," 1erre Hautc En-.
press.
Disguise in Boston: Mrs. South
Church Whispering to her husband)-
l wonder why Miss Beacon is in dis
guise tonight? Mr.. South Church
In disguisep Mrs. South Church
Yes; she has no spectacles on.-NeW
York San.
Smith-Jones is out in a new suit. |
see. wonder wherohc got it. Black
(slowlv)-l'm not quite sure, but |
have a horrible suspicion that | have
an interest in it myself. He struck
me for fifty yesterday.-Ihaadelphi
Inquirer.
you say that cognac is the best
remedy for collie? But 1 iind it jus,
tho other way. My husband used to
be troubled seldom, but since l have
kept cognac in the house he complains
of collie almost every day."-FIiegeude
Btaeter.
Friend-Arc you going to take n va.
cation this summer, H%ardwarcP Mer
chant-Well, l may step ovcr to Poor.
mans Beach for a few days if my
clerks get back from Europe in time.
They are spending their vacation there.
-NeW York SIN.
An AriarOcratfc Tom.
6When people search for cats in tn,
dead Of night beneath the splutterint
electric lights Of the thoroughfares it ii