Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-06
The Merry Congressman.


am told Of funny scene that happened on
the avenue the other day. Two new Congress-
men had made descent on the capital to look
around and familiarize themselves with things
so they would know all about them when they
came to swear to support the Constit ution and
laws and maintain the dignity of the House.
They took look at hotels and swell boarding
houses, and engaged rooms for the session.
They went to the capital and talked about the
place they would like to sit, SO they would be
certain to catch the Speakers eye, you know.
Every new Congressman wants TO get where he
can catch the Speakers eye, but he never does
1t. That wandering orb is more capricious
than comet. No one can tell where it is going
to alight. But anyone can tell where it isn't
going to allght, and that is on the new member
when he wants to make a speech At all other
times it will beam on him with infinite tender
ness, but never when the new member begins
to fdget in his seat, get up sit down, look wise
and foolish in the same moment, raise his
finger toward the man IN the chair and indulge
in other gymnastics that are sure indications
of a speech that Is ready to explode. Well, In
the course of their walks and drives the two
new ones stopped frequently at doors with
screens inside OF them. At noon they were
the hotel that they could not get dinner till
after o'clock P. M, they swore at the barbar-
GUS fashion of Washington. end went to
swell restaurant where they ordered the whole
high noon, and they were not going to change
for anybody. They had bottle or two Of
champagne before soup, and bottle or two
between each course. as they had been told
that was the proper thing. At the end Of about
ten courses they had to be helped from the
room by the walters, Their hotel was only .
short distance away, and they concluded to try
to get there. They braced well against each
other, but one being much the heavier they
could not balance that way, and they both
an idea. 1t would be good thing to feel their
way along the wall. That was about the only
thing that seemed stationary. This would
have worked admirably, no doubt had not
shop with sundry empty tubs and baskets been
in the way. The larger man stumbled against
a tub, toppled for moment, and then sat
plump down In it as gracefully as could be ex-
pected, his arms and legs sticking up and wav-
ing and swinging in the air like the fans Of a
windmill. The smaller man, in attempting to
assist his companion, sat down in an immense
basket and was literally buried in 1t. His
struggles started the basket rolling and it
careered over the pavement and out into the
street at q great rate. while the other fellow |
sat helpless in the tub, his arms and legs gy- |
rating Tremendously. The crowd that col |
lected could not help shouting at the ludicrous |
sight, which might not happen with q merry |
Congressman once in lifetime, and 1t was |
quite little while before the most serious OF |
them could get over their paroxysm and assist |
the two poor fellows to their hotel. Only one |
or two persons knev them and it is not likely |
the little episode will ever become known In |
connection with them.
A Smart Texan.
Ihave Just heard another little story about |
q new Congressman, who like the stalwart |
Texan who blew out the gas when he came on |
to begin the first session of the last Congress,
halls from the Southwest. He knew all about /
gas and, when joked about the experience of |
hia Ilaao fhat ho yUaa M
and could not be caught with any of the new
tangled contrivances of the hotels. On the eve
of his arrival he did as much of the town as
could well be done in one evening and came
into his hotel very late. He had carried his
key in his pocket, and thought he would slip up
to bed as he had been in the habit OF doing at
home when out after the usual hour. be got
into his room all right after trying his Key in
several wrong doors, reached up TO the chan
delier after many experiments ana turned on
the gas. Then he struck match and stuck It
up to the burner, but there was no response.
He got chair and put his nose 10 the
burner. but could not detect the faint
est odor OF gas. Feeling around Ior
another branch OF the chandelier he turned
another stop cock, when presto! brilliant
light flashed in his eyes before he could scratch
q match. He dropped OF the chair and stared
aghast at the illumination 'Great Heavens"
he exclaimed, "have got 'em at last. Never
shaw cash afore 'shwould light shelf. Bet
hundred zeres no light zere. I'll toush match
to it'n see." II
After several attempts he got on chair and
put the head OF a match to the light Appar-
emily he touched the flame, but the match
would not burn. He tried another and another
with similar results Re tried to blow the
fame but there was no flicker. 1t was
steady, strange glow, the like Of which he had
never seen before. Cursing the quality OF
1ntil he found his cane Balancing himself
ne aimed as straight as possible at the impish
light and struck tremendous blow. There |
vas gone He silent late the next morning and
lad something brought to his room before he
vas out of bed AS the waiter served him That
pye smash that electric Iight7" As the new
tells this on himself It must De
rue. u. W.A