Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-09-08
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
The Story of n Strange Contributor and a
Monkey Who Ate Firemen's Hats.

1
| Monkey Who Ate Firemen's Hats.
A VERY strange story was told me by the
editor of weekly paper published in New
York, not long ago, concerning a contributor.
| The editor said: zone of my most valuable
contributors for the last three or four years
| has been gentleman, whom the public know
| pretty well by this time. He writes over his
own name-a striking name. So regularly has
this person written for my paper that came
to regard him as a member of the staff 1t
was only after two years of acquaintance
through the mails that he actually put in an
appearance at our office. The first time he
came in thought he was book agent or a bill
collector until he mentioned his name. Then,
of course, gave him a chair and all the other
courtesies at my disposal. He only stayed
minute or two, and seemed very nervous all
the while he was sitting opposite to me. He
lacked that splendid assurance most writers
possess. His appearance belied his work, which
was vigorous and sparkling in style, for a
meeker, meaner sort Of man never saw.
1.-THE next time he paid me vislt-he was
writing novel for us and came.with an INSTALL
ment of it, happened to be reading the proof
of the chapters to be published in the issue of
the next day. At once it occurred to me to ask
the author to explain passage which had
puzzled the proofreaders and me. So handed
the proof sheet to the author, and pointing to
the passage in question, asked him if that was
exactly what he had intended to say"
So
"To.m my SURPRISE" continued the editor, 'the
novelist grew very red in the face, his hand in
which was the proofsheet trembled, and for a
minute he said nothing 1 had no idea what
embarrassed him. but thought 1 had very
rare bird, modest author in my cage. To
encourage him l said: I've no doubt it's nv
stupidity and no fault of yours that 1 cannot
catch the meaning of that passage
HE seemed to be going to speak once or
twice, but his lips only moved. Meanwhile his
face remained flushed and other eloquent
signs of disturbance were not wanting. His
silence was making the situation very painful,
and suddenly bethinking myself that might
have wounded a sensitive spirit began In a
clumsy way to apologize to him for calling his
attention to the unfortunate paragraph, but he
stopped me with motion Of his hand, and in a
low voice began: The fact is, sir, 1 have de-
ceived you-this story is none of my writing. I
never wrote line in my life-haven't got the
ability, ought
"Do you mean to say said hotly, that I've
been dealing with an imposter all these yearsP
"a literary thief, precious
Not quite SO bad as that, sir he replied
more calmly although I've put my name to a
great many manuscripts which you have been
good enough TO buy, and which now own were
not written by me, yet believe you Will not be
so indignant when you learn who did write
them
May have the pleasure of knowing who
the author isr said with all the irony could
summon.
'Certainly-My wife, he replied quietly. I |
never was in favor of the use of my name, but |
she insisted that the reviewers and newspaper |
nh had cho fha;r
keep down the rising crop of feminine writer's, |
and that she could write more boldly over my |
name than over her own and with less criticism |
of a certain so-called moral Sort
well, to cut a long story short in the last |
Volume-the facts were exactly as my fmposter' |
stated them, and 1 very soon after made the |
acquaintance of the fair author. She still used |
her husbands name, but he is no longer so |
meek and nervous when he visits my den. A
great burden is off his mind"
-.
WHEN you come to think of it. monkey is |
not exactly the kind of animal physician
wants about his Office. Not exactly python
would be more dangerous as a pet, but no more
So when it happened early in this year that
traveller from South America presented a
small but agile monkey to a well-known ply
oiCloA AZ AheSneuyi Ine lhtter was very Rraue-
full of course, but little embarrassed. After
a few days experience with his new office COM
panloL. the doctor decided that what the
monkey most needed was a change of air and
scene. To secure these, he presented his
to neighboring fire engine COM
pany. There his advent was hailed with glee
and the monkey was given a regular official
place in the company. Alleghenans have seen
his monkey calmly proceeding to fires on the
engine or hose cart like veteran.
But alasl the monkey could not rise above
lis natural instincts. He let loose his mis-
,hievous nature, and yesterday he was re-
urned to the doctor by the firemen. They
liked him, they SAID. but he had eaten all their
lats and threatened to go further with his
IwfuI appetite
nice home in the country is wanted for a
'oung monkey with healthy appetite, and no
dyspepsia to speak of. HEPBURN JOHNS.