Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1889-07-24
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER,
HOW THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE WAS TAUGHT
TO FIND HIS CLOTHES.

HOW THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE WAS TAUGHT
TO FIND nIs CLOTHES.
When l got home from rolher's the
other afternoon Mr.. Bowser was walking
up and down the sitting room like Gagged
| lion. As he was an hour ahead of his usual
time, I was naturally astonished, and as he
looked so stern and dignified, was fearful
that some misfortune had occurred.
"Anything wrong, Mr.. Bowsei?" man
aged to ask.
He halted, folded his hands under his
coattails, and, balancing himself on his
heels and toes alternately, he replied:
"Mrs. Bowser, this is the last straW-the
very last"
"Why, what have done?"
81 had an invitation to attend banquet
of the B. N. G.. club, and was down to de
liver an address. I came home to get
ready, and 10! what do fud?"
siRobbers in the house?"
s.Not muchl No robher with any sense
/ in his head would come to this housel 1t
would take him q week to find anything!
90 up stairs to get clean shirt collar, &c.,
but nothing of the sort can be found. l
come down and ash the cook to see if my
Sunday clothes are in the flour barrel, but
she looks in vain. 1 go to the telephone
and ask the coal man if he saw them in the
basement when he put in that last ton, but
he can't remember. You, of course, have
no knowledge of them. You can't say
whether they are in the oat bin in the barn,
or packed away in the garret for rats
nest"
"They are up stairs, unless you have
sold or given them away"
'No more insults, please. Come up
| ~ta.r hn1 inc sph W
shirts are.'
every we'll. We shall find them in the
second drawer of your bureau, where they
have been kept for the last two years"
s1'll bet you million dollars to centp'
"Come op."
We went up stairs to the bureau and l
pulled out the drawer and there lay five
clean shirts, Just where had placed them
as they came from the laundry two days
before.
"But they were not there an hour ago"
protested Mr.. Bowser.
"But they were. How could they be
anywhere else? In this other drawer are
your socks, neckties, cuffs and collars
SeeP"
81 see, but that drawer was empty half
an hour ago."
"A1d in this closet Is your Sunday suit.
| seer Goat, N6Sb anu pduls. Aro yOu
growing blind, Mr.. Bowser?"
"There is some dark mystery connected
with all this, Mrs. Bowser, and l will not
rest until unravel it. spent good half
hour looking for my things, but not one
single article could l find."
because you rushed up stairs and went
into the spare room, just like lots of other
husbands. OF course you did! See? Every
drawer in the spare room bureau has been
pulled out, and the clothes press door is
wide open!''
Mrs. Bowser don't try to get out of it in
this way! My eyesight is still good, and
when see an empty drawer l know it is
not full of shirts. l have lost an hour
looking for my things, aud now cannot
go to the banquet"
He went down stairs and called up some
one by telephone and said:
81 can't be there this evening. My
shirts, collars and clothes have been mis-
laid by my wife, and l only found them a
moment ago. Very sorry, but give my
regrets to the boys and tell them how ii
was. Some wives are like that and can't
help it, you know. Good-by."
The next evening Mr.. Bowser brought a
friend up with bim-the same one he had
telephoned to- After q bit he took him up
stairs for a smoke, and as they reached the
head of the stairs they found the following
notice on the bedroom door:
INSIDE THIS ROOM
} Will be found
MR.. BOwSER's SHIRTS, CoLoRs, CUFFS AND
SUNDAY SUIT.
, Don make the mistake of looking in the
alley.
On the bureau l had tackled second
sign. reading:
"Second drawer-Collars, cuffs ano
neckties.
"Third drawer-You shirts"
} On the door of the clothes closet 1 had G
third sign, reading:
"Your Sunday suit is in this closet-hrs
, hook to the left as you enter"
On each garment was marked the name
, 'coat,n "yest," and ''pants," and on tht
wall a set of instructions, reading:
81. Fling your hat under the bed.
80. Kick your pants ever behind th'
) lounge.
, 49, Throw your vest behind the wash
r stand and your coat on the floor.
"4. In removing the buttons from you
shirt, Jerk and twist from left to right ant
3 back again. This will enlarge the buttol
, holes
| '5. If you drop one Of the buttons, juml
I'D and down and cuss and declare that yol
have been one button short all the week.
&c. If the button holes in your cola
are too large, kick over chair and declar
your desire to Eurder some one. If to
small kick over two chairs and lay it t
, me.
! "7. In changing your clothes, get you
! suspenders twisted, leave your shirt bunch
ed up at the shoulders, and snap off a
f many buttons as possible"
: had intended those signs for MIR. Bow
= ser's eyes alone, and l fully expected
: national calamits when he came down an
:. bade his friend good night. I was disaI
!, pointed, however. He looked at me be
f nignly, walked up and down for awhile
i and then observed.
q Mrs. Bowser, before we were married
! had a long talk with your mother"
! eyes"
"She told me that you had never bee
: called upon to exercise judgment or re
+ sponsibility, and that would find you
f very great burden"
. ''Thanks, Mr.. Bowser."
= "But I agreed to bear with you and b
patient, and so I shall. Twenty year
. hence you may know something abou
:. housekeeping and a wife's duty toward he
:, husbands wardrobe. It's long time t
!. wait, but will be patient. Perhaps thi
|, is my mission on earth, and is what tn
I Lord wills me to do. Go ahead, Mrs. Bow
! ser, and be justas mean as you can, and d
! everything to hurt my feelings. l shall d
:. my duty and never let the world know hoN
. I suffer. ."-Detroit Free Press.
The Browns.
= Brown has home tnll of girls and boys,
9 Rosy and healthy and full of noise.