The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-06-06
NEWSPAPER HUMOR.

Written with Six Dollar Pair of Shears.
Charge of the four hundred-$6 a
cork.-Judge.
% A terrible fete-the afternoon tea
Boston Commercial Bulletin
"Whom the gods love die young, :"
The gods do not love the ballet glrls.-
NeU York Truth,
Which, De Garry-I hear old Lordly
is being sued for divorce. Bjones Act
ress ortypewriter ?-Judge.
Smith-Jones, were you enlisted dur
ing the war! Jones-No; but my SYM
pathy were.-BurlingtOn Free Press.
"Who is that little monster 2" That's
my daughter, madam" All ah the
sweet creature. .-Etoilge Beige.
Ordinarily the ministers create the
benedicts but at the White House the
Ben edicts create the ministers.
Mail.
Teacher-What made you make face
at me? Little Johnnie-Please ma'am
l didn't think you were looking Epoch,
"Fine dog that of mine, doc."-"Ye.
es, but isn't he consumptIve 2" Com
It6-nt epllL DlOOuY OOu
know. ."-HOtel Mail
Henrietta Qecturing her wayward
cousin) Some young men never can say
"No," Jack (unabashed)-And some
girls never can say Eyes. Time.
Tubbled-Wheres your mother.in
law? Bubbley-I don't know yet. |
gave her ticket to see a bull show and
she had her scarlet dolman on,-TOlCn
Topics.
City Editor to New Reporter-Do l un.
derstand that this interview ia verbatim!
New Reporter-Yes sir. wrote it my
self; the man was out oil town!-Terds
Sftings,
Mr.. Ctanker-I should like to get your
opinion, Mr.. De Ttnque, as the best
method of treating dipsomaniacs, De
Tanque-Ask them what they'll have
TOtDn Topics.
Scene-A lonely spot on dark night
"Would the gentleman be so kind as tC
assist poor man? Beside this revol-
yer. have nothing in this wide world. '
Boston Saturday Gazette.
Mrs. Crabber's Boy Ito the star board
er)-We're you going to have that chick
en- salad today. Star Border-How dc
you know: Mrs. C's Boy-I saw oul
cook chopping up some veal.-Today.
Van Trop-I say, dear boy, jack
given up eating meat and takes nothing
but vegetables now. De Strop-Paw
haps that accounts foah his cawotty hail
and turnup nose.-TOlCn Topics.
Gladys-I do wish Evander had more
| 10 haN NJ
my Clarence. | don't think he fear
anything. He even told me once he hat
been bucking the tiger.-BoSlon Herald
Mr.. bbs-Thunderation Hungry
as bear, and no signs of dinner. What {
the matter? Little Benny-It's the girPI
day out and ma hasn't got back from
cooking school. Chicago Herald.
Little three year. old Arthur was pul.
ling the cats tail, when gentleman Wis
iting them said "You mustn't do that
she will bite" To this he replied Cati
don't bite at this end. ."-Je,Cish MeSsen-
ger.
Plushley-Maris, me dear, you seem
to ate nothing, What's the matter
Maria-Faix, Plushley, it's Friday, an
l can't make up me mind if tarrypir
stew's fish whin it's made of veal.-Hdr
per'S Bazdr.
Augustus-Why, how sweet you look
this evening I'd be almost tempted &c
kiss you, if it wasn't for disarranglng
your bang. Small brother from behind
the sofa Take it off sis. brakes Mdgd
zine.
Sir Rotten Rowe-I thought you didn't
have bishops sitting in the American
Senate. Mr.. Madison Squeer-We don't
Sir Rotten Rowe-Then who does the
combinations the papers speak Of
Puck.
Uncle Tom-Got anything to do to-
morrow, Jatk? Jack-Yes I've got to
go down town to try case. Uncle Tom
Then you've got client at last JACK
oh, this case isn't in court, it's at
wine merchant's.-LVe.
Speeler-l see by dose ysshion notes dat
dose ladies' no longer pipe and flute theil
gowns Dot silknervies a degline in
musical taste-aint it? Dealer-No,
only change. ACCORDION are now the
style. Speeler-Vell!-Puck,