Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-11-08
FLASHES OF FUN

IL
1 got oUt-with the assistance of her
father"
A MAN may not be afraid Of danger,
but he looks down in the mouth when
he prepares to descend into mine.
A DISPATCH says whisky is going
np in New York" The New Workers..
are probably sucking it through straws.
aIr's no more than right
So say al the misses,
That the boys should bring gumdrops
When We furnish kisses"
No, COLONEL, you cannot lay a rail
road with hen tracks any more than
you can get mosquito bill through
Congress.
An exchange speaks of "a new to-
baccO center" An old tobacco scenter
Is the man who smokes a vile cigar in
the parlor.
A KANSAS minister says 81 have
been a far more useful man since the
Lord revealed to me that I was never
to be a great man."
ANOTHER hunting accident" That
seems to be the principal occupation of
hunters hunting accidents. And they
find them frequently.
TMPERTINENcE: Cabby-Where are
you going, sir? Bjackson-None of
| your business. Just drive there, and
stop asking impertinent questions.
THERE is no use camping out for the
sake of keeping cool. At the New
York militia encampment the heat was
in tents, just the same as elsewhere.
THE regular recipe: Miss Twinkle
Why, Mr.. Wrinkle, what a cold you
| have. Are you. taking anything for it?
Mr.. Winkle-Yes, ma am; four pocket
handkerchiefs a day.
"I CAN'T understand all this fuss
about using electricity for executions,
remarked Judge Lynch, Of Kansas, re-
! tiectively. "Out in our section we have
used the telegraph pole for years.
In the Sullivan case in Mississippi a
/ deputy sheriff couldn't swear that the
ring was In Marion county. Marion is
the only county in the United States,
! then, that hasn't a ring-cOurt house
| ring.
A CoUNTRYMAN had consulted a for
! tune-teIler as to his future: you'll be
! poor, kind sir, until you're 80" was the
! prediction of the PythOness. "And
then?" "Oh after that you'll get used
to it.
A BEDRIDDEN patient in a Kansas
! hospital who was experimental on with
! the elixir of life, was able to leave his
! bed the next day. He had to- in fact,
/ IN order to fill place prepared for him
in the cemetery.
A PASSENGER on an ocean steamer
complaining Of the untidiness Of the
| table service, said it didn't look as
/ though it was ever washed on board.
Waiting for it to be washed ashore,
probably" said companion.
well. my dear, how would Farmer
Brown suit you for a husband? He
seems uncommon sweet on you lately"
! Perhaps so, father; but his hair is so
red that" "True, true, my child;
! but you should recoIlect that he has
very little Of it.
BRAKEMAN Nashville! Rushvi1lel
! Train stops here ten minutes for
! lunch Deacon BlOssum-Seems to
/ me that's d mighty queer rule, Miriam
! 3y. Well, let's git out that basket O.
sandwiches quick if we've got to eat
'em in ten minutes.
MISS SLYPPE-Mr. Penfeather is so
! easily embarrassed, don't you think [
asked him yesterday to tell me Just
what he really thought of me, and he
was so taken by surprise that he could
/ not say word. Miss FIyppe-That
was not embarrassment it. was merely
! poIiteness.
"Do YOU belong to the salvation
army ?" he asked of stern isaged
woman who stood at his side. "No, sir;
I do not. But in this generation Of tired
/ men," she added, with a whitening
! glance at the row of sitting males, 81
/ seem to belong to the standing army"
/ She got a seat
BLNKs-What has become of De
/ Fashion? Jinks-He and his family
are In Europe. They wanted to go, and
I paid their expenses. "Eh VIVA
( you paid their expenses q" "WelI, it
amounts to the same thing I saw
their summer cottage advertised for
rent and I rented it.
WELL, Mr.. Isaacstein, how ish bliss
/ ness 2" Bissness vOs pOody good,
aber nOding eggstra." Il hat been hat
ing a poOdy hard time myselluf My
poy laid der fly paper on der chair and
I sat down on it" "VheH, how does
dot affect your bissness ?" Il got shtuck
on fy-paper, don't it ?"
"SAY. Uncle Jake, won't be a all
or !" "Why not, Fred ?" "'Cause this
book Pm readin' says a ship has a span
ker." But 1t isn't the sort of spanker
you're thinkin' Of Fred, What's the
difference, Uncle Jake ?" "On board
a ship you hoist the spanker, but
ashore the spanker HOSTS you.
oa TWO EVILS.
&Ah, false. tickle woman" he sayageIy said.
Il hoped once that you d be my wife
And now find out that you are going to wed
An old brute that eats pie vitIia. kf3ffs
Il think it is all for the best Willie dear
land she let Just one tear slowly fall
For If 1 married you, my poor boy, fear