Morning journal and courier., 1889-06-20
TRUEi

Truth at Last.-"Waiter, bring me bot- tie of Laftte." s'Sorry, sir, but the labels are all out" ."-FIegende Blatter.
 It takes only two to make bargain, but the small brother under the sofa sometimes turns out to be useful witness.-Somerville Journal.
 = Apollo struck the Tyre, we all know, but why didn't some old heather author tell us whether or not the liar struck him back Somerville Journal.
 In the restaurant. Gus-"Is that West phalia ham you are eatingf'' Fitz-"No, 1t came from Maine; it is an east failure. "- Pittsburg Bulletin.
 "I want to write letter to the Secretary of the Navy. Shall 1 address him as Your ExcellencyP" "Oh, no, use the term Your Warship. .'"-Life.
 Rejoice, o young man, in the days of thy youth, but remember that, big as he is, the the top.-Terre Haute Express. Fersistance-ssI am sorry, but the editor cannot talk to anyone to-day" Author "Oh, that's no matter. will do all the talk~ ing myself. f."-Fliegende Blatter.
 Miss Platinum -"That horrid Mrs. Bute &C., tually had her photographs for sale in the stationers' shops. I couldn't do such thing under any consideration" Her bitterest friend-''You haven't the face to, have you,
  He has declared his passion and was fever- ishly awaiting her reply. "Mr. Samson,' she said, and her voice sounded like a knell, athe letter which you 50 kindly offered to post for me two weeks ago tonight has never reached it's destination. Farewell. ."-Har- psr's Bazar.
 Artless innocence: Mother (gazing at her daughters dressing-c g-cushion)-"Why, where did you get 80 many gentlemen's scarf pinsg' Daughter-'I don't know myself. I find one in my hair almost every night after Gus calls, and to save me I can't imagine how they get there. "-Ths Epoch.
 visikor-'Who's your wife's doctor, un- clea" Uncle Silas-"Oh, she allus has one O these 'ere blamed prohibitionists. ," Visitor ssWhy, what do you meana thought she was homeopathist." Young Silas -sttWall, t amounts ter the same thing; they don't either on lem b'lieve in takin' nuthin'. D. Judge.
 Donovan-"Ah. there, Began, 'tis rollin' high yez are now wid thot foine shteppin' harse. Did Dinny get his license, afther alls'' Regan-'No, bad luck to it. Sure 'tis Katie, the crather, that's providin' for her father in his ould age, playin' Little Short PantIe. roy at the dime museum. ."-Boston Conner cial Bulletin.
 In 8 law suit in Kentucky the other day about horse, it was proved thst an animal
  had run away five times was warranted "per- fectly gentle and safe for any lady to drive. '' Now and then there is horse trader who is absent minded in his statements.-Detroit Free Press.
 Smith-"I've just taken some of Dr. Quaok's medicine; thought I'd try new doc tor. Do you know much about hima' Jores-"Yes, little. A friend of mine took some of his medicine onoe." Smith ''Did, eh? Was it quick to act." Jones' ooh, yes: there was crape on the door nex I morning. ."-ExchanRe. There is a mean dentist in Lawrence. Tn, other day his son had the ague so badly tha | his teeth ohattered together like 8 telephone ! call and this druggist made him come dowr l to the store to help him. Every time GUS. toner called for a milk shake he would make his son take the glass in his hand and hold ii ! when it would be beautifully shaken. Ii anyone can beat this, come on.-Lswrence American.