Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-03-02
THE TOPICAL TALKER.

She Enjoyed the Funeral-IdIeness Defined
Escaping the Blizzard-Bad for n
Bore-A Great Issue.
WOMEN are not SO given to saying things
they afterward wish unsaid as men are. Now
and then, however, even woman trips!ove
her tongue.
Some weeks ago very large and fashionable
throng gathered at funeral in this city The
services were held at the house, and were very
long, owing mainly to the desire Of the minis
ter in attendance to make telling sermon out
of the obituary address. AT the end of the
service the visitors slowly dispersed, and one of
them, young lady very handsomely attired in
mourning, approached the lady OF the house,
who as the one most bereaved was naturally
dangerously near the tear line, and said;
Goodbye, dear Mrs. Blank, have had de-
hghtful time; never enjoyed myself SO much, ="
and murmuring more words to this enect, she
ambled away, leaving the woman she had ad-
dressed in a state of awful astonishment.
-
"WHAT would you like to be when you grow
up, my son2" Pitts5urg man asked his 9-year-
old boy, who has already shown remarkable
promise of escaping death from overwork.
"Well, papa" replied the youngster, ~
should like to be something where I'll have
nothing to do all the time, and I think when
I'm man I'll join the Pittsburg Club"
That boy evidently has a clear idea of VIII at
he wants and where geti it.
#x#
THEY were telling nice old Philadelphian
about the way they had fought the recent cold
snap, when the gas supply fell with the mercury
to zero, and one of the ladies said: There was
no other way open to us-we all went to bed"
do you mean to sayyou undressed and went
to bed?" said the Philadelphian, raising his
eyebrows till they ornamented the edge of his
polished Uranium.
"Oh no, Uncle George-we put on all the
clothes we had before we retired" responded
another lady.
And If you keep an eye on the Philadelphia
papers you will surely find in the near future
an interesting disquisition upon the barbaric
customs of Pittsburg society.
So
A LAWYER, who is noted for his eloquence
and the sharpness of his tongue, was talking to
an old friend at the corner of Grant and Dia-
mond streets the other day, when noted Bore
came up and interrupted the conversation, or
rather tried to, for the lawyer quietly went on
talking
But the Bore was used to such repulses, and
he addressed the lawyer again and again by
name asking how his health was, compliment
ing him on the beauty of the bouquet in his
lapel, and suggesting topic after topic. Still
the lawyer igno-ed the Bore's presence. AT
last the Bore grew desperate and took hold of
the lawyers arm, seeking to draw him away
from the man to whom he was talking. Then
the lawyer wheeled round, and examining the
Bore coolly and completely from head to toe,
asked slowly: "Who are you anyway"
The Bore gave his name.
"Well," continued the lawyer deliberately,
II do not know you, Mr.. heterogeneous
is. and do not want to. 1 have studied the
ology, sir, philology, toxicology, the botanical
branch of biology and some other ologies, but
have not studied zoology, and I'll be hanged
if can place you'll"
SIT is a great issue that lies before us" said
the Prohibition evangelist to the managing
editor.
Eyes, indeed" replied the editor cheerfully.
''were whooping her up lively now; to-morrow's
Issue will be read by a quarter of million
people! Now's the time to advertiser