The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-05-02
Mr.. BowsER CLEANS HOUSE.


BoWser household brought the lord and
master out in new and interesting
light, thus versciously chronicled in the
Detroit Free Press by the sympathetic
partner Of his joys and sorrows:
"What did those two colored women
want p inquired Mr.. Bowser as he came
in the other evening Just as the irdivid-
uals referred to were passing out.
They called to see when / would be
ready for them"
"How ready I"
at is spring, you know"
"Well, what has spring. you know,
Got to do with two colored women ?"
al have got to wash few windows
and take up carpet or two"
blouse cleaning ?"
mo, not exactly, but then"
"See here, Mrs. Bowser, this thing has
got to stop right here and now. Because
some 20U years ago come old cranky
houSekeeper in New England felt obliged
TO rip and tear and upset the house for
two or three weeks in April, all you wo-
men Of today feel obliged to keep up the
custom"
but everybody cleans house more or
iesR."
Ohu y n6lp budLs III uOI BOihB W
have everything topsy turvey around
here for the next three weeks. That
will be the result if you put two women
at work. They will spin the job out as
long Is possible"
1T won't take over a week"
A week ! 1t shouldn't take one day.
/ can 20 at it and do all the cleaning
necessary in one hour"
didn't say anything further until af-
ter supper. Unfortunately for me one
Of the women returned to ask about a
matter she had forgotten, and Mr.. Bow
ser saw her and said (;
care you one of the women who are
going to houseclean here r'
"Yes, sah."
EXCUSE me, but l don't believe it I!
II there's any cleaning to be done I'll do
II myself. You needn't put in an ap-
pearance here tomorrow nor any other
day"
"An' you's gwine to clean house I" she
asked in surprise.
81 am. know it does not belong to
mans state, but have young and in
experienced wife who is easily imposed
on, and am going to prove to her that
this housekeeping business is all
fraud" =,
"Mr. Bowser," said, as he returned
to the sitting room, didn't you have an
experience last spring 2"
Eyes, ma'am, experienced this house
from top to bottom in just two hours,
and it still remains the cleanest house in
Detroit. have nothing particular to
do tomorrow, and shall take hold"
IL can't help you any"
"When / want your valuable assist
ance, will ask for it, Mrs, Bowser. AS
am feeling in good spirits this evening,
might as we'll begin on that coal stove.
I'll wrestle it out into the back hall,
ready to 20 to the barn in the morning"
went up stairs just as he pulled off
his coat and spit on his hands. l knew
Just what muss he'd make and didn't
want to be there to see. In few min
utes / heard the clatter of the stOyepipe,
as four or five lengths bounced around
on the floor, and three minutes later
there was wild yell for help. l ran
down Just as the girl got in from the
kitchen. Mr.. Bowser was lying on his
back on the floor and the stove was ly-
ing on Mr.. Bowser. He was almost
black in the face as he gasped
Take him off-take the blamed thing
off of me-"
The girl and / succeeded in lifting it
high enough for him to roll out, and he
sat up and groaned and swore and
threatened dire things,
al was afraid it would be too much
for you" said as offered him a wet
towel.
"Oh, you were ! How kind of you
l;aaHrAipfa1 haponpa tho in for
nal thing didn't knock the life out of
me ~
went up stairs and he rested awhile
Then heard him moving the furniture
about, and by and by he came up to say:
II want some salt to put on the carpet
before sweep"
"But that carpet must come up, Mr..
Bowser. It's been down two years"
That's all nonsense Mother never
lifted carpet until 1t was worn out.
Where's the salt p
"But the curtains must come down,
the woodwork be rubbed with a damp
cloth, the windows washed, and"
"And the roof of the house raised ten
feet, of course. One would think we'd
had smallpox in the house, I'll get the
stepladder and take the curtains down.
Perhaps I'll take the carpet up tomor-
row, but it's waste Of time"
He went down and got the ladder, and
heard him whistling as he worked at
one Of the curtains. His whistling pres
emily cut short off, and there was a
crash and yell, and | flew down to find
Mr.. Bowser lying across that end OF the
lounge which still remained in the room.
His eyes were closed and thought him
dead from his fall. got the camphor
and the girl flung water in his face, and
by and by he gssped and opened his eyes
and family asked
SIS this heaven 2"
"No, Mr.. Bowser," l gently replied,
"this is only spring housekeeping"
"Whst has happened ?" he continued,
as he rose up.
"You had fall"
"And while was unconscious you
took advantage of my condition to take
q five dollar bill from my wallet y
II never thought Of such thing"
"Well, l can tell later on. hGd a
sensation as Of some one feeling in my
pockets. I'll have the curtain down If
It takes leg"
won't you please give up your
Quixotic idea, Mr.. Bowser No man
can clean -"
Cant, eh Well, I'll show you to
the contrary. Qulxotic idea I'll show
you an old Quix, too, that can do more
house cleaning in An hour tn IN you can
in week. Get out Of the way while"
He was in his slippers, and he picked
up big tack, and that ended him. He
was half scared to death for fear of lock
jaw, and he insisted on going to bed and
sending for a doctor. The good man
heard what had to say and then OBJ
served
"Mr. Bowser, don't you leave your
bedroom for at least week to come.
That foot must have perfect rest"
And next day sent for my colored
women and began work. We are not
through yet. Neither is Mr.. Bowser out
Of his room. He sits with his foot on a
chair, and we have left his room undis-
turbed. When l enter with head tied
up, big apron on and my fingers red
and bleeding from tack wounds and
bruises, he consoles me with
"Such fuss over nothing Why,
had four-fifths OF the work done when
this unfortunate accident made me a
cripple for life. You can see what this
house would come to II l should be taken
away by DEATH"