Arizona weekly enterprise., 1889-02-16
Jim Joins the I. O. G. T.

Mrs. Simple was making an after noon call on Mrs. Lucky. The latter person had just remarked that her daughter was going to join the Good Templars' lodge that evening.
 "Why Mrs. Lucky" exclaimed the other in horror, don't you let her do it-Jess wait till you hear MY exper- fence:
 "It was one day back in August that them Templars got up d lodge. here, an my boy Jim, he wants to join them to wonst. So gin him two dollars and he goes an gifts inishy-yated.
 "Talk about sick boys! Why, the next morning he came out of his room a limping, an his eye blackened, an his nose skinned, an he all broke up.
 "Jim,' sez I in kind of majestic tone of voice, sez I, What on airth is the matter with your
 oh, nothin, sez he; ridin the goat, that's all
 "Well, seein as I was his mother, of course I made him tell me the whole inishy-yayshun: How they took his two dollars, an then put him in big barrel, which they rolled round an round the room, an of course when they let him out he was so dizzy he couldn't hold onto himself. Then they told him as how he was drunk an they was savin of his soul.
 "Then they puts him in a dark room with seven black goats who butt half the life out him, an tramp all over him an every other mean trick. So they tell him he's been drunk an in a big fight, an how they all love the poor drunkard, and are willing to help him, no matter how low he has sunk.
 "Then all the women looks sorryfiy at him an sez together, High Worthy Templar, behold a poor drunkard sunk low in the scale of human de- gredition, who appeals to us for aid ; an then they reads out of their books about how good they all are, an how mean critter he was.
 "The Chief Templar makes him swear to pay his dues regularly every meetin, not to ever drink anything during meetins, an to keep mum about how they in-ishy-yate feller.
 After they gifts through maxim i'm swear, they each one comes up an kicks him, an the Chief tells him that learns him to bear atfiiction. Then every last one in the room hans i'm a cup O water, an makes i'm drink, and when he comes near explodin, they dips him in big tub an sez as how they cleanse both the outer an inner being. Then they run him through a big clothes wringer, an after that, stand him on hot stove to dry where he had to dance jig for half an hour to keep from roastin his feet of; and after numerous other tortures, dress !. him up in a potato sack to teach him to be humble.
 "Then they all kissed him, an ex- plained how the union of lips signified the union of hearts, and that if he was ever caught drinkin again to look out fer himself.
 "But that isn't all. Jim has to go every night of the week to lodge, an pay his dues every time, $1. 50 night If he is absent only one night they fine him two dollars he tried it wonst an had to give him $350 to take l, along the next night
 ''He is Worthy Marshal now an haf , a terrible time. Sometimes he has SC much trouble handling an inishy-yat- ing drunkards that he gets all scratch ed up, an his clothes smell of tobacco an whiskey. I know you wouldn't let , your darter go to sich terrible place Mrs. Lucky. It's horrible Horri. ble !W-Florence Fact and Fancy.