News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-04-18

Travis-O Oldmanson. is one of You
closest friends, isn't he
4sDeSmith-Yes;f l never could get
red cent out of him. .--BurIingt9D Fire
Press.
SHE MAY FIND IT.
She had called upon real estate maj
to see if he had house to suit her, an6
had gone over the list and found faul
with everything. A little out patience
he finally asked:
''What kind of house do you want,
anyhow"
''It isn't the house so much as the
neighborhood, she replied. 81 want q
location where the neighbors will be
neighborly. If [ want to give n party
and want to borrow piano, sofa, a few
chairs, three or four pictures and some
s.atuary, I want to feel that my neigh
bors will lend me with cheerfulness. -
Detroit Free Press.
THE AGE OF THE FAIR.
"All have to say, Fraulein Emile,
is that if YOU go on getting younger
every year, shall not be surprised to
see your name again some day among
the notices of births !''-FEiegeade Bat
ter.
SHE RECONSTRUCTED.
Saysit Anyhowe-Mabel, will you
marry me?
Mabel Cin sisterly tone of voice.
Oh, Mr.. Anyhowe, don't ask me 1t
pains me so to refuse you.
Saysit Anyhowe There, there, my
dear, don't let it cause you any distress.
1 only did it on bet.
Mable Gn staccato accents)-Yes l
will Thine.
NOSE FOR MUSIC.
Mrs. A.-Does your husband snore?
Mrs. B.-Yes, delightfully."-.
Mrs. Alphabetically
Mrs. B.-Yes. You see, he is an
Italian baritone, and always snores
selections from the operas "Trovatore"
and "Lucia. "-EpocH.
ARIsToCRATIc BAIT.
Biddy-I want five cents, Mum, to
buy cheese to bait the rat-trap.
Lady-Here are ten cents. Buy some
macaroni, too, and cook it with the
cheese, al grdtjn. This house was Oc-
cupied by Signor Benaventura for three
years, and the rats may have Italian
tendencies
ANGLING FOR PIE.
Mrs. Salstonstau (of Boston) -
Tommy, viii you have a piece of mince
= pief
Tommy Beaconstreet (who is taking
dinner out)-Yes'm, and 1 trust that
your apportionment will be commensur-
ate with my esteem for yourself. Bur
Nngton Free Press.
A STORY WITH A MORAL.
A Boy who had caught Rat in a
Trap was about to Dispatch it by Drown
ing when the Rodent began Bewailing
his sad Fate and pathetically inquired;
Have I ever Injured you that you
seek my Life?
"Never, was the reply.
"Would you be the Loser by restor
ing me to Liberty y"
"Not at all. -
"Then why not turn me loose? You
seem to Feel for me.
"That's exactly the Trouble replied
the Boy. Father has been scattering
Poison all over the cellar, and I'm
afraid you'll get some of it and Die
Lingering Death. I'm doing the Mercy
Act by Drowning you"
Moral. When Citizen who "hasn't
done nothing at all is run in by the
Police it saves him from committing
Burglary or Murder.-DetrOit Free Press.
THE VALUE OF A REPUTATION.
"Why do you look so sad, Miss
Ethel?"
"Sister Helen is going to marry Tom
Barry"
"The worthless young reprobate No
wonder you are sad.
"Oh, it is not that. | wanted to
marry him myself. Life.
A VERY INTRICATE PLOT, INDEED.
Aspiring Author.-I have the MS of
play which [ would like to submit.
Manager it good plot.
A. A.SGood plot I should say so
Why (waxing confdentiaD the plot is
so intricate that the audience who sees
il once will have to come every night
for week to find out exactly how things
turn out.-EpOch.
EARLIER INFORMATION.
"Why, Georgie," said girl to her
little brother, "I've just heard that you
were whipped at school last week. [ had
no idea of it till ma told me few min
utes ago"
"Hadn't you?" responded Georgie.
And then he added with an air of pride,
''Why, I knew it at the time. -
ANYTHING BETTER THAN SUSPENSE.
Winifred- so Emily TenseasoDs
is going to be married l hope she may
be happy.
Maud-Well, at any rate, she'll have
a chance to see whether she can be hap
py or not.
INFORMATION VERIFIED.
Henpecked Husband (reading the
paper and rocking the cradle)-Ahem!
the hustle is going out, / see.
Vixenish Wife (who had just finished
bet it is, and / am going
with it. You take care of that baby till
[ get back.-B0stOn Courier.
HERO.
We know a man, brave, true hero
Who, when the mercury drops to zero,
Will hold the babe. as few men could,
So that his wife can split the wood.
TEXAS SiftingS.
A "HARD" FACE.
Mrs. What do you think
Of our statue of Venus
Miss Waldo-I must confess that the
lace seems to me rather hard.
Mrs. Parvenu-Perhaps you forget
hat it is done in marble.
HIS IDEA OF A DRAFT.
Papa Chat is to be)-You make draft
IF your plans after marriage, George,
md submit it to me.
George thought I'd leave that to
your generosity, sir. About fifty thou
and will do, though. I'll draw when
We get to Paris. Chicago Journal.
HIS LITERARY WORK.
Miss Sinseer-You say you are at
work on book2
Mr.. Careful-Yes.
Miss Sinseer-How delightful literary
work must be. What is the name of the
book?
Mr.. Careful-''The City Directory"
Chicago journal,