St. Paul daily globe., 1889-06-17
THE BASE BALL CRANK.
Traits Of the Genuine National Game
Enthusiast.
HE ABUSES THE UMPIRE
He Rattles the Players, Gets Ratified
Himself, and Talks Like q
Windmill.

more, as hard place to umpire ball
game in. 1t is hard to believe that Flour
City audiences are less courteous than
those in other cities, but the gentlemen
who take their lives In their hands
and rule books in their heads,
albeit some of them seem to have
forgotten the latter, and 60 fearlessly
upon the dia mOnd to shout .Play ball."
ball four" "Srriker out, "That costs
you ten," and other similar remarks to
eighteen hired men and several hun
dredS of excited On-lookers, ought to
know: and they say 1t is true.
The genuine base ball crank may be
gentleman at horse race or even in
railway lunch room. but in the grand
stand he is something else by about 200
runs. He plants himself in a seat near
the chicken netting that protects him
from foul tips, and is usually
there about twenty minutes be-
fore the game commences. He
buys score card and commences Oper-
ations OH 1T by tearing it square in two
if the first Miller to bat fans the air.
He never makes marks on score card,
but throws pieces of it on the floor and
grinds them with his heel if the
home team makes bad play,
or dances joyfully over them
when Dannie Minnehan or Papa
West swipes the horsehide over the
fence. The true crank always goes
alone, and is best pleased if hehas no
acquaintances in adjacent seats. When
one of the home players attempts.tO ad-
vance sack on a doubtful chance,
disregarding dis aasiS ''e all Of Of the A' laws avs
of gravitation, leans far out beyond his
toes growing in suppressed shouting
whisper, "Slide, slide;;" then if the run
ner goes out he settles back with his
teeth shut together and Kisses ooh
His monologue is not always in such
a suppressed tone either, and he howls
like demon at times. This wouldn't
matter so much if there was only one of
him, but the 600 or more who attend
nearly all the games can make a
very rOOf-raiSing racket when they
start out for it, and the shouting
often goes a long way toward rattling a
PLAYER. Dozens of strike-Outs on the
part of the home players are undenlably
due to the over-enthusiasm of the
"Paste it, .Kill it." ''Never mind the
cover" etc., to heavy hitter when he
comes to bat, or hiss some poor
in-fielder who has let hot one go
through him or thrown badly to base.
But let the effect on the players be as
mean as it may, the real meanness of
any mans nature is never shown
in all it's hideous depravity until
he becomes ball crank, and begins to
consider it his duty to roast the umpire.
No ''crank" ever seems to realize that
an umpire has any human .sensibilitieS
whatever, or that he ever thinks of any
thing better than some way to ''give
the home team the worst of
it, An umpire, to him, is
a thing to be abhorred and
it is the duty of every man to Jump on
him and walk on his frame. Unless an
umpire Is manifestly unjust to the visi-
tors the crank is sure that he has en-
tered into conspiracy to give Milwau-
kee the pennant. After close decision
a man strikes out and the crank howls
in tone of deepest sarcasm "Safe."
A wild pitch sends the ball over near
the dressing room door, and he hOwls
''Strike two" One more close one. and
then he shouts s'Kill the UMPIRE" 'Get
a wooden man." ''Ain't he rotten,"
''Let a Saint Paul man umpire"
and other cruel filings and
jibes, which if printed in
full will fill a volume with exclamation
points and dashes, and if needed by the
umpire would drive him into the jaws
of death at Rochester, Mimi. Most
umpires are human beings, and as
such are liable to errors of judgment;
but very large majority of them are
marvels of clear-headed impartiality.
The work of umpiring professional
ball game is trying enough under any
circumstances. and the howls of the
audience when he is doing his best are
unjust and ungentlemanly to an almost
barbaric degree.
The crank can never realize that there
are properly registered voters in every
ward who do not understand all the fine
points of the game. and he is the worst
failure imaginable as gazetteer of base
ball information if questioned during
the game, but as soon as it is over one
has only to say ball to him in order to
be talked deaf, dumb, blind and bald
headed and be filled so full of statistics,
records and averages that he can't take
a drink for a week without running
over.