The national leader., 1889-04-06

going TO IND out how Oid Nero was
when he died. and II anybody sasses me
l shall be right on deck. Pm IS years
old. but I'll swan TO goshen If take
sass!''
How TO AVOID IT.-Jones-It beats
the world how everything is adnlter-
ated. l bought some sugar last night,
and l find that it is one third sand.
Smlth--Well, that may be, but every
thing isn't adulterated. I bought
barrel of sand this morning, and I'll be
hanged II it had a particle of sugar In
1t. II you wish to avoid adulterations.
buy sand, Mr.. Jones; buy sand.
CRUSHED reshlelgh-DOn't you
feel rather chilly. Miss Beaconhillp
Miss BeaconhIll-Y Yes, l am rather
cold, Mr.. Freshleigh.
Freshleigh, meaningly - Feel as
though you'd like to have little some
thing around you?
Miss Beaconhill, crushingly-Not
little something. Mr.. Freshleigh.
A Low VOICE.-"Why do you speak
in such a low voice?'' said a member
of certain church to the pastor.
"Well. - he replied, ''when FIRST be-
gan to preach they called me a shOuter,
because I spoke so loud. One Sunday
morning, just after finished the pray
or, and while the solemn hush was still
upon the congregation, little fellow
broke the silence with the question:
60 hau
shouted since"
A BAD BREAK.-Phlladelp
You are very fond of society, see.
Do you belong to the exclusive 4001
New Yorker - No, unfortunately
there is dark stain on my social rec
ord.
Indeed l''
Eyes, it's too true. / once walked
two squares on Fifth avenue with
very dear friend of mine, an eminent
scientist, who had on suit of ready
made clothing"
RELIEVING HIM. LULU" he said
(he was young man who had great
confidence in himself). and he bent to-
ward her tenderly, ''I have loved you
long and tenderly. Will you name the
dayP"
''Oh, the day is already named. Mr..
Harris" answered the girl, blHshing.
George was so pertinaclous finally
told him the Sd of next month. The
cards will be out in day or two"
AN EXPLANATION. - There was
company at dinner and Bobby's mother
was somewhat surprised when Bobby
refused pie.
"Why, Bobby" remarked one OF the
guests, ''aren't you fond of pie?"
Eyes, ma'am, Pm as fond Of 1t a
any little boy, but my sister made that
pie"
GREAT CAPACITY.-Mrs. Hobscn-
Your husband is very fond Of fox hunt
ing, is he not, Mrs. Vancouver?
Mrs. Vancouver-YeS,in indeed; very.
"How many bars can he take?"
81 don't know exactly, but have
heard it said that his capacity at bars
is very great"
DENTIsT-What can do for you,
MADAME
Mrs. O'Rahilly, suddenly rlch-I
want yeZ to be afther pryln' the ANAL
gum film out O. me back tooth an
putin in gould. Since Dinnis got the
contract on their new aquedook tits
not the expense we be mindin' in any
ways.
No Coon. D.-Impecunious Southerner
Say, Mister, your sign says that you
advance money on titles.
New York land agent-Certainly sir;
where is your land situated?
"Land be blowed My title Is Cen
eral Euford st. Clair. How much do
you loan on that sort of title?"
Miss CLARA-Is that new ring you
have on, Ethelf 1t strikes me / have
seen it before.
Miss Ethel, blushing-Yes. Clara;
young Mr.. Paperwate presented it to
me last hight. l have accepted him.
"Oh, indeed I'm so glad. Accept
my best wishes. 1 thought that ring
looked strangely familiar"
NEIGHBOR-What made your little
brother squeel so loud this morniDgp
Boy-Pa made him squeal that way
80 the neighbors would believe we had
killed a pig.
AT SUNRIsE.-Fast student-There
is nothing more lovely in nature than
sunrise.
Young lady-Go away! You never
see the sun rise. At that hour You are
fast asleep.
''Fast asleep at sunrise! Why. my
dear Miss, when do you suppose go
homer"