Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-04-09
HOUSEHOLD RECIPES.
How to Convert "A GrumbllDg Husban
INTO n Reliable individual

How to Convert Grumbilpg HUSBAND
| INTO n Reliable Individual
| VIII ile showing The Ioor but an
bilious housewives OF the country how
TO exercise their marvellous fnesse OF
boxes and barrels, on salt mackere
and beets, on bright, cheap pictures
and calico hangings in such fashion
as to render their homes the envy o.
the rich but unnsthetic, we have by
no means forgotten that one OF tho
greatest comforts and one OF the crown
ing evidences OF housewifely skill is a
reliable and respectful husband; and
we now take pleasure in showing how
cheaply and still with what taste
full effect this destderdtUm may be
achieved.
Take common rail OFF the fence. II
need not be heavy, but should be tri-
angular in section. To one end tie a
ribbon in graceful knot; bunch of
forget-me-nots at the other end will
have a neat and appropriate appear
ance, Now call in some OF your neigh
bors to assist you. DO not fear re-
fusal; there is much more neighborly
kindness in these emergencies than
may be supposed. Rely on your neigh
bors. Invite them in. Ask some of
the gentlemen to step forward, and
place number OF them at each end of
the rail. Direct them TO lift on the
rail. giving it ii graceful wave motion.
As u marx of respect, appoint your
husband master of ceremonies, and
give him seat on the rail. The pro-
cession will then move of, and all join
in the triumph. The local talent may
be lattered BY asking them 10 recite
the lines:
Aloft in awful state the god.like victor safe.
Guests, and especially those carrying
the rail, should be instructed to pay
no heed to the polite, but merely for
NAL invitations of the host to take a
rest A coat OF tar and feathers will
prevent your partner from taking cold
by his rapid movement through the
air.
A second form OF the rail method is
said TO be fully as good as the first.
Follow the directions below, and you
will find that you have genuine home
luxury, and at a trliing expense.
Secure your rail, a heavy one. At
tach to one end large chain. and at
tach the chain to the leg of the hus-
band. This should be done while he
is asleep. When he awakes, retire to
a little distance until his struggles are
somewhat moderated. 1t is one OF the
possibilities OF this plan that the hus-
band may be reduced in flesh and spir-
it, making him more ethereal. II this
effect is observed, approach him at
once, with kind words, and tighten the
chain.
The chain and rail combined will
keep him from visiting the dram shop;
and as he will then be always at home
around the evening fireside, the loose
end of tho rail may be utilized to tuck
into the fire. There is always Il re-
deeming grace about the worst men;
and bad as you may think your hus-
band. and as much worse as he really |
is, you may trust him not 10 let the
rail burn too far. Watching the rate
OF progress will keep his mind en-
ployed, and will furnish him profit
able and inexpensive advertisement for
the long winter evenings.
A little attention to these rules will |
result in turning what is usually an
Objectionable feature Of the country
hous ehold into something which is
almost presentable; and we do not
hesitate to say that after woman has
learned to make the transmutation,
she can easily secure position as
alchemist in the Arabian Nights
Fish, in Puck.