The morning news., 1889-05-30
BRIGHT BITS.


EosAH-An' has your mistress good taste?
Bridget-Good taste. is ltY Faith, her dresses
look better on me than do me own. Y0nkers
Statesman.
THE nuisance Of the hotel was in the parlor
warohng, "Oh, would l were bird - We'll,
And hs handed him his biIl.-Fort PLAIN Free
Press.
Wall doctor, how did you enjoy your AZ
rican journey? How did you like the savages2"
30, they are kind d-hearre1 people; they
wanted to keep me there for dinner. - Fltegende
6Iaetter.
THIS putting young girls into society in low
necked dresses is simply bid TO secure them
advantageous marriages, think"
"Ah, Yes. Exposed for sale. SO to speak
Boston Herald.
Pslsos MlssIosARY-what are you in for,
canvict ebitterly)-Just for missing train.
- . nonsens-. sir missed a train for Mon
treal. l.-Terds Siftln0s.
"WHAr is an orphan'" asked the teacher
Non Of the children seemed 20 know.
well, m an orphan" SAID the teacher, as
not too plain cle%, a hand popped up AMI
the cwner exclaimed:
',An orphan is a woman that wants to get
married and can't"
''LIoE." called out the President
Yes your Exec lency"
Il wish you would run down to Jera Rusk's
and tell him to send mo up large package OF
cdrdamou seed. ex Dect 70 recev We delega-
tion OF kentuckians This afternoon, you know, -"
be aided, BY way Of explanat lOn,- Mtnned polls
TrfbuHe.z
Mrs. PHEsrrvE-I thought I understood send
ing my guests in to dinner; but am not sure
whether 1 should take the arm of Prince Teare-
moffski or let Mr.. Filli0eg take me in.
Mr. P'-l guess CUES, you're crazy, Maria. Who on
Mrs. P.-Don't YOU know. George? He's the
champion pitcher TOlg1 TOPICS
Miss LANGKAM Creading an American paper
What strange country yours is, to be sure,
Mr.. de 4ank of Boston-I don't think it much
stranger than yours. But why?
We'll, this paper gives an account of a game
OF base ball Il think they call it, and it says
that 'Chumpy saw a red-hot ball coming for
him in center field, bat he promptly frOze to it,
Laurence american.
Mr. BANKs-Come into this drug store. Har-
riet, and let's have a glass of soda water
Mrs. B. II will if youli promise not to wink
know what that means, you Know
All right, promise "
Mrs Banks (after leaving the drug store)-
va W IS that splritus frumenti that you had
George?
'op.nJus frumenti? That S the Latin for rasp.
berry and cream "-Chicago Herald.
AN OLD BACHELOR, who was quite a wit. lived
alone in very uncomfortable looking place
- his apartments were always in great dis
order.
''nny don't you get married?" said friend
one day. Then you would have some one to
fix up things here, and make it look homelike n
The fact is, we never thought OF it. said
he, but it does look reasonable that a better
half would make better quarters. '-Canners
and Grocers Gazette.
The DISTINCTION BETWEEN TIE Two -Shai-
bolt, have you seen Signor Stretchgell, the
lndia-rtbber man at the museum He's a
wonderful freak"
Hes more than a freak, Dingiss; he's a
miracle
well. what's the difference between a freak
and miracls?"
"A great deal. Suppose you owe me SD. It's
much more than that, but well suppose it s
only $40 II you should take notion to pay it
hat would be a wonderful freak. If you should
actually pay it, Dingiss that would be a
miracle -ChicQQ0 lribune.