The Progress., 1889-03-09
Full 81 FUN.

Full Or FUN.
Passenger ION street car. alarmed)
Madame, do you feel fit coming
mp Madame (haughtily) No, sir;
I'm trying to find my pocket IN +
SSk,a
They tell of ayoung Lincoln man
that he Is 80 able contortionist that
no can see without difficulty the bald
spot on the back Of his head. Ne
5raska State Journal.
When q woman Is first married
she desires to be called MADAME. =
Some years lnters she feels trememdn aus
" con,plimented BY being called
E.:Miss. - Asrchant Traveller.
Il Silencing Bore: Hs.I fears j
am wearying you with my prs,sy con-
versatfnn. You lock little tired. y
She oh, no. indeed; l was only
thinking how very tired you must
be. Judge.
flanagan .'Thim's the thinnest
pair OF gents ever seen, barrin' wan. y
Lannigan-'.An' how thin was he.
might I askp Flanngan-.'B .'BcgorrA
he was rs Thin as the two o. thin put
together. = London Fun
"A boarling-scllool was burned up
at the hamlet of Werchobistritzkioi, in
Russia It is supposed people ran for
help to the nearest town, but that tn.
other place burned up before its name
could be pronounced. IN r Graphic.
Brown Ito Robinson, who is reading
. telegram with look Of anguish on
his tace) Whats tho mattsr. old fel-
lowP Somebody deadp.' Robinson
(crnshing telegram with both hanls)
NO; melody alive, b'tllnnder
Iwins!' Chicago Tribune.
She Studied Volapnk:
charming young student Of Gruk
Once tried to acquire volapuk;
But II sounded so bad
That her friends called her mad,
And she quit It In less than y wuk.
- litl,UuatEee SsNtinel.
Grocer Ito new boyl-"What did
that lady want. Jamesa' New Boy
Salt mackerel. told her we hadn'1
any" Grocer-..Great Scott! Jnmes,
] told you we had dozen kits come in
fresh this morning!' New boy es,
sir; but she didn't want EN- fresh; she
wanted 'em salt - Golden Days.
Uncle Enoch-.'Say, boz, who,
this Ell. that writes so many little
pieces in the paperP' Nephew from
city-.'The editor Of the paper, sup.
pose. . Uncle Enoch - ..Wal, why
don't the critter sign his whole namel
lis durn foolish fer grown-up mar
ter call himself Ell. Boston Beacon.
Young Wife (at dinner table,
sobbing)-"1 think you-you-aro
just as mean as-as-you can be.
made that-that apple-dumpling as q
pleasant surprise for you, and--and
now-you-want mo to bring hand
saw to cut it in two with Young
Husband-'Eood heavens, Maria! Is
that dumplingp ] took it for q CO.
coannt with desperate firmness.
I'll eat it, now, Maria, If it kills ME, .
Mary" said Mrs. Bank, anothe,
time, to her maid, ''you can tell
Bridget that she exceled herself In the
pies we had to-day for dinner . A
little later Mr.. Blank went down tt
the kitchen and found Bridget very
sad and solemn. why, what is the
matterp' asked the lady. very much
surprised. "Shurc. num- came ,he
answer, didn't you tell Mary could
go sell myself with them pies3" Har.
per's BazGS.
The porter busted the last coat
and found the last missing package
a. the train slowed In at the terminn
station. m l q, he glanced alony his
car he said. .Twice day am
glad Of my great big family; Tn
glad when I get 'em all put to bed.
and Tn glad when I got 'em all ur
and dressed again. Reckon if / kept
putin en- to bel and Scttin' 'enn up
again al day. I'd be gl.pl MI tl,,
time. : And with gladsome smil,
he went back 10 count mp the salary
which my Lord P,llman-gotM L RI,
deliver ns--pcrmits his passengers t
pay his employees. L,t''elette.
Sgsl