The Iola register., 1889-05-31
A TRAVELLERS TIPS.
He Olives His IDEAS and Impressions
About Chicago.

He Olives His Ideas and Impression,
About Chicago.
1t is the French who say nothing can be
interesting unless it is at least a little
wicked.
Shecawgo Is q very interesting city. II
was laid out crooked by the Pottawattomies
who later We're laid out straight-sent to
pot, as it were. Thus early did the town
discover its magnificent terminal facili.
tiesw And its crooked pathsl Why, they
have since been made perfectly straight
| on the map!
1t is evident there was to be considerable
go to Shecawgo. Once it was about gone,
out it started up again as fresh as burnt
! out circus-and what new elephants it had
Business men who fail to make go Of it
elsewhere go to Shecawgo, intending to
succeed from the word go-or bust.
The busts keep ten blonde mercantile
| agency typewriters on the go; and when
New York gets its copy of crooked assets i,
says: "Here's another pretty go in 6he-
| cawgor'
Stil, tic-c ere those Who, by strict atteu-
ton to their owp and ST. Louis business,
manage to thrive!
The city fathers predict million inhablt-
ants in two years; in five they expect to
| take in Joliet as an additional ward
Aud what about Jolietl
Why, Joliet has an additional ward for
| Shecawgos Doodle fathers and has taken in
IN installment on the ten n-yeartp!an,
Shecawgo always dresses we'll It's calves
and hogs are known to be the best dressed
| III the country. Ask Mr.. Armour.
Every body in Shecawgo belongs to some
! club. The one having the largest member
| ship is the famous Ananias.
Strangers desiring to see a match or a
match declared of take Mr.. Yerles' cable
| 10 the baseball or divorce grounds. But
| many have their own grounds for divorce
Shecawgo builds on the rapid transit plan.
The proposed new street is first outlined
by elevated plank sidewalks six feet above
prairie level.
The houses are then run up, the front
doors being on q level with the planking,
the digging of cellars being obviated.
When the people have lived on the block
long enough to get the street filed in with
ashes and old shoes they have it finely
paved, arc lights placed and 4 mounted po-
liceman detailed.
Behold the new boulevardl
There may be occasionally a complaint
about the paving, but as a general thing
StecawgO is paved with good intentions.
Shecawgo has famous river by the
same famous name. 1t is short, bullets
hurry-by any other name its offense would
be as rank.
There was once a storekeeper whose cat
died on his hands. Having no burial-piace,
and bethiuking himself of a competitor
whom he hated (and would like to have
killed were it not for the Bible and the po-
lice), he resolved to express to him the re-
mains of poor puss.
Shecawgo, with too vast an accumulation
of dead cat in its river. is to-day legisating
a gigantic drainage scheme to provide for
the enlargement to ship size of the connect
ing canal by the Illinois river As the
Shecawgo river will by this means be
flushed into the Illinois, which in its turn
flows into the Mississippi just above St.
Louis, 1t looks as if st. Louis were the par
ty destined to get the dead cat in underlined,
unlimited Quantity.-N. Y. World.