The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-27
HOW DO YOU REGISTER?
THE WAY THE HOTEL CLERK SAYS
HE CAN READ CHARACTER.

hes as sure TO Il liQ lt Gut as II on
Were One of the Sky Parlor Fraternity.
The hotel clerk had just concluded an
extended consultation with the proprie-
tor They had definitely determined
that the new addition to the hotel for the
accommodation of the Worlds fair Wis
itors should contain $500 rooms For
some reason this made the clerk cheer
fully loquacious. He actually beamed
on a newly arrived and just registering
| guest, he felt so happy.
"Frontl Show this gentleman to room
| 591. Yes, sir, there's bath.
Now, had noticed that the clerk as
signed the guest to room 591 (Which had
bathroom attached before the afore-
said guest had said a word as to the
desirability of that very excellent addi-
ton to the guest chamber. l presumed
that the newcomer was known to the
clerk, who possibly was familiar with
the guests predisposition to personal
cleanliness, and asked him if that was
the case.
NO." replied the clerk affably; hotel
clerks are always affable. II never saw
the man before, but ! knew from the
manner in which he registered that he
wanted all the conveniences the hotel
affords.
"Knew from the way he registered" /
repeated in surprise.
Eyes, very seldom fail to size a man
One half hotel clerk value consists of
his memory for faces and the names that
go with them The other half is his
ability to read the desires of stranger
guest from outward indications as he
spreads his signature over the register.
OF course. sometimes | get left, but not
often"
WALKING EXPoSTULATIoN.
Wont you put ME on" This from
me, anxious for information regarding a
new feature of character reading.
why, certainly; it 10 secret Take,
for instance, the newly married young
husband as the easiest example. His
lunch is the simplest. | can always To-
cate him from the nervous way in which
he adds And wife to his name, even if
his bushes didn't disclose his newpess in
let him know you are dead onto him.
Oh, no! Instead of that lead him to
believe that am laboring under delu-
sion that he's the father of large and
constantly increasing family. That style
of treatment just tickles him nearly to
death. And I don't say 4 word about
the bridal chamber, but he gets it just
the same.
Zone of the oldest characters we have
to deal with is the choleric old gentle
man who won't register until he knows
just where his room is, how it fronts and
where the fire escape is; how much we're
going to charge him per diem, and if the
bed has been aired. A kicker? Why,
he's walking expostulation. Yet that
type of man usually ends by taking the
very best in the house and paying his
bill without a murmur. There are lots
worse than he if you only work him
right.
.'There is the man, too, who, before he
registers, looks all over the names and
addresses on the register for week
hack, and yet never seems TO know
soul in the house. generally assign
him a cheap room, and If he gets ava!
without paying it's not our fault. As
for the travelling man and the theatrical
advance agent. its no trick 70 pipe them
off. The l2-year-old bell boys can do
that before they get into the door. But
there are different species Of those classes,
and it requires an expert TO decide in adj
vance just what they want. Generally
l gauge them by the size Of their sigma
lures. on the basis that the larger the
signature the smaller the room.
SOME QUEER CHARACTERS.
las rule the man with the megath-
erian autograph is generous only with
writing ink Again, fnd that the
more airs a man puts on before the hotel
register the more apt he is to be satisfied
with roof parlor and one towel.
"Once in while we have queerer
character even than usual to deal with.
Only yesterday fine looking man, whom
afterward found to be a distinguished
scientist, couldn't for the life of him
think of his own name when he came to
sign it on the register. The general run
Of queer customers comes from the agri-
cultural districts. A big city hotel is a
revelation and a terror to him. Every
thing in and about a first class caravan
sary surprises and scares him-eyery-
thing except the dining room-there he
is very much, too much, at home. Even
the first act of singing the register is a
serious, an awful thing to him. To him
the signing of his name, besides being an
act of mental and physical difficulty, is,
in his mind, ever connected with judg-
ment notes, mortgages, lawsuits and
foreclosures.
1.-The meekest and easiest to satisfy of
all whom a hotel clerk meets is the
typical western cowboy. The tougher
he is on the plains the meeker he is here.
The muzzle of a loaded Colt placed against
his temple wouldn't make him turn half
so pale as the sight of pen and ink thrust
toward him He is out of his element
then and he appreciates it without the
slightest effort at disguise. Charles
| Lederer in Chicago Herald.
Pernicious Coca.
(-ooa ic tho Il iod loo e of n South NOR