The Wahpeton times., 1889-08-29
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Funny nsa's 1aasis |'| 81 N
Perspiration never rsigns butpeess:s
The tombstone 10 shout tlls only
thing that can stand upright aad
lie on its face at the same time. u
The Chicago Limited. Ga.samr ..y
$50 young Briggs has taken q pare
ner tor life, has he?' "No, not-noti
exactly for life. He married g Chic
ago girl.-Time. Nh
Minnie-Itis no longer fashionabIs
to have the ears pierced. Minnie
So I suppose you won't be called
upon any more to sing, will
you, dear?-Terre Haute Express.
Accepted suitor-"won't you find
it awkward when You meet your
other two husbands In heaven?''
Interesting Widow-eI do not ex-
pect to meet either Of them there"
Life.
First Omahan-'tOne must look
out for hpdrophobia this hot wealth.
er. Do you know how to tell a mad
dogW Second Omahan-''H had
anything to tell a mad dog I should
do it by telephone. ."-Omaha World.
A foolish fellow was haunting a
neigbor on the length of his ears.
cts true" !" replied the latter, ''that
my ears are rather long for q man;
but how uncommon short yours
are for donkey!"
Flossie (after the feast of the mel
ons)-"Mamma," she said, pressing
her hands wearily upon herstomach,
..smy sash is just like a window-sash,
isn't it?" I'm what way, dear?" ask.
ed the mother, smilingly. Because
it's around the pains, 70 she replied,
demureIy.-Binghamton Republican.
Doctor-'I see just what's the
matter with you. You need some-
thing strengthening. Eat plate Of
oatmeal boiled, every morning for
breakfast" Patient-ssI do doctor.''
Doctor(equal to the occasion)-
Then leave it off"
My little daughter caused quite q
laugh the other day. Her grandpa
was joking her about sending her
away, when she unexpectedly said:
"Grandpa, what will ma and pa do
for some one to eat what is left at
meals if you send me away?"
Mean Contractor Ito workman
who fell from a three-story wall that
he was tearing down)-"I'll have to.
dock you for lost time." Workman
(unhurt) )-"I thought I was saving
time coming down that way. Next
time I'll take the ladder."-N. Y.
Sun.
Mrs. Prooftext (who remained at
home, sick)-Did you take up q col
lection. this morning, my dear? Rev.
Mr.. Prooftext-''That's theologic-
al point which puzzles me, my love-
whether a collection where you don't
get anything can properly be called
a collection?"
Young Coachman Ito keeper ofliv-
cry stable)-Pd like to get kicked by
a mule if you've got one. Stable
keeper-What for? "I'm going to
ask the boss if I can marry his
daughter, and l want to see if I am
in condition to receive his reply.
Glow is your friend Schmidt.
the milkman, coming on? Die
has gone to watering place to re-
cuperate his health. That's what I
call gall. He is indebted to the wat
er for all his wealth, and now he re-
lies on the water to restoreh his health.
Texas Siftings.
An exchange remarks that "moth-
ers have trained our Presidents and
statesmen" True. They were fortu-
nate in having mothers. The only
man who ever made q success in life
without the training influence of the
mother was Adam. and he felt the
need of one before his career closed.
A Poets Dream.-Miss Gushley-
"Iso often see some one spoken ofas
being beautiful as a poets dream.
Do you poets have more beautiful
dreams than we common mortals?'
Mr.. A. Tennyson Fizzle-"I hardly
know. Igenerally dream Of porter.
house steaks. fried chickens and that
sort of thing"
The quaint sayings of children are.
always more or less refreshing. A
little girl who accompanied by her.
mother into town one day was very
much interested in the speed with
which she was travelling toward the
city, and on leaving the train at the
station and passing by the great
putting locomotive the little one
turned to the mother and said: "See.
mamma, it's all out of breath.
Dressy Young Man and the Tramp.
Philadelphia Press.
A dressy young man went to,a se-