The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-08-29
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Pills. ..... - - =
A Chicago quarrel. Lawyer bubble
You a doclor Why, you couldn't
cure a ham p DR.. Sawbones-''Andy you,
sir, you couldn't try case of lard.
Puck. -r-
Happy father-"Joe, old boy, give me
suitable names for my twin babies. {"
Joe-"Are they boys or girls 2" "Girls. 4"
How will Kate and Duplicate do ?"-
Exchange. ." .-
Husband (on wedding tour)-"1 want
rooms for myself and wife" Hotel Clerk
Suite 2" Husband-"Of course she
does-perfectly lovely. The sweetest
girl in the world" 50
First Omahan-"How do you account
for your hair being so very much grayer
than your whiskers ?" Second Omahan
MY hair is about thirty years the ell
der. "-Omdhd World. %
Street Robber-"Your money or your
life ~ Pedestrian-"I'm just returning
from church fair" Street Rohber-
beg pardon. Here's five cents for car
fare. "-Omdhu World
1t has long been said that alcoholic
beverages were liquid fire, but here is a
decidedly new version of the origin of
one 1eacher-"Whst is a volcano ?"
Boy-"A mountain that throws out lag
err Exchange. ora ''..
Mr.. Lytewaite-"Miss Higbtone, how
do you like my painting, columbus Dis
covering New York Bay'p" MISS High
tone-"Oh, the painting is lovely but
didn't you forget TO paint in the Statue
of Liberty ?"-7Ime, . ..... I'D.
An old dictionary gives the definition
of vacation" as "a rest from regular
labor-rare.' The author of that ortho.
graphical collection ought to return and
edit the personal columns on some live
suburban paper for a Wakefield
Citizen. 81
A Pathfinder. Travis--t'What, going
into the Adirondack without guide p
DeSmith-"Of course. Do you suppose
a man who has trotted around Boston for
five years is going to lose his way in the
Adirondacks Net much. Huntington
Free Press. .... ..... ..,0.
We have a speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
and Headache, in SHILOH'S CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price so DENTS! Sold
by j. L. Shurtleff. 81 > -
Wife-"The twentieth. of February vi
shall celebrate onrsilyer wedding, D jn't
you think we ought to kilt thedat pig
and have feastY' Husband-"Kiil the
pig don't see how the unfortunate ne
imal is .,tos blsme for, what happened
twaptv.H Q q vpnra op.J = q 9"-' & . q
Jack 0yerstfoke (who IS 'unwillipgiy
giving Miss Olecrop aswimmrnR lesson
Now don't be afraid. JUST trust
yourself to me, and let me support you.'
Miss OLE crop-"lt's rather ausunfair ad.
vantage to take in the water !; but--you
may ask PIP pspa."-Puck.
The after supper dance. "a Mr., Clay
BEG pardin', but wish yo' wouldnl
breave SO hard, Miss Hask ms. " " Miss
Haskins-" it 'noy yoY" Mr.. Clay
"Ya-as. Yo' donereat so much ice cream
at d. table dat rs Rottin' a cold in d.
scrutf OBJ my neck. r--Judge, X & (
Some years ago Ayers. Cherry Pee
toral cured me OF asthma after the best
medical skill had failed togive me relief,
A few weeks since, being again troubled
with the disease, l was promptly relieved
by the same remedy. 1F. S. Hassler,
Editor Argus, Table Rock, Nebraska. :
shiIoh's Catarrh Remedy, ~,
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, marvel
GUS cure for eatarrh, diphtheria, canker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment of
these complaints without extra charge,
Price so cents, Sold by j. T. Shurtleff,
Bennington. ..j...ts. III ri.
An Eminent
Temperance lecturer in New England,
Mrs. John Barton, says was subject
to those deathly sick headaches and also
dyspepsia. Sulphur. Bitters cured me
when all other remedies failed. Mrs.
Barton is the wife # John Barton. Super
intendent Of Repairs, Pacific Mills, Law
renee, Mass. s g a. ~! n .'0a'I s.4t'
"Whst was it," asked the Sunday
school teacher, "that fret caused the
downfall of man 2" The forbidden fruit"
replied the class, in concert. That's
right. And now what kind of fruit was
it p. There was a silent pause and then
the offspring of a newspaper funny man
spoke up. ~ don't know what it was
then, but it's chestnut now. Merchant
Traveller. .. .... -...- .r ... -.
A young doctor, wishing to make a
good impression upon German farmer,
mentioned tie fact that he mad received
double education, as it were. He had
studied homeopathy, and was also a
graduate of Irregular" medical school.
30 dot vas noding," said the farmer ;
II had yonce calf vot sucked two COWS,
and he made uoding but common
schteer, after ALL"
Interested People. ...
Advertising patent medicine in the
peculiar way in which the proprietor Of
Kemp's Balsam for Coughs and Colds
dees is indeed wonderful. He authorizes
all druggists to give those who call for it
a sample bottle Free, that they may try
it before purchasing. The Large Bottles
are SOC and $l.0Q We certainly would
advise a trial. 1t may save you from
consumption. H.-. ..
have been a great sufferer from hay
fever for Is years. read of the many
wondrous cures of Ely's Cream Balm and
thought would try it. In fifteen min
utes after one application was wonder
fully helped Two weeks ago l CON-
meDced using it and now feel entirely
cured 1t is the greatest medical discov..
cry ever known or heard of.-Duhamel
Clark, Lee, Mass. 1919
Mrs. F.tz had company to tea. Little
Filz had been told just how to behave,
and good big bride was promised him
ifhe acted GU his part of the programme.
he did very well until he saw the com
pany tegiuning to eat some of the jam
that was served in small dishes. Then
fixing his round eyes on majestic old
lady opposite TO him, he bawled in the
sweet tones OF childhood "Sav, did yer
IN nof.osf Ii,oo Il.,aa