Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1889-05-03
Mr.. jerks BEAR

the Aqua Axui, in western New Mexico
We means Hank and i-particulariy
Hank | was simply an accident there. but
Hank, fixture Harvard man Of rest
less Tendencies, be bad drifred pretty well
over the glohe since graduation. and mad at
last worked himself up to the proud position
Of cowboy on the l. c ranch, place in
which be seemed perfectly ut home, Us, In
deed. he did everywhere Hank had changed
considerably since | saw him IN Cambridge
His face was darker and his eye cies-er than
even in the days when he was stroke OF the
senior crew He still retained remnants Of
the semi-classic college slang and around II
had accreted a wonderful conglomeration OF
the breezy itiioin Of the frontier His speech
was like Joeeph's garment. Of many colors,
but not without a charm Of force, and fire.
queutly Of elegance
Riding down through Zuni canyon the day
before. from trip To photograph inscription
Rock, had run up against Hank, and my
hand-albeit not a tender one-was still sore
from the shaking it had received then and
there We had been together ever since, talk
ing over old times and new ones. and CONVEX
satlonal material was running little short
after two days Of steady talking
Wonder what Van BRAY and some of
out here. HANK | remarked, in an interval
between yawns-which were excusable after
a fifty mile ride and the extrication Of four
steers from the marsh in which they had
begged down"
Faint, reckon" answered Hank. I'D
like TO have EN- out here for a while. We'd
buffalo them as bad as we did a dude here last
.all And be chuckled a little at some obyi-
ousiy pleasant recollection.
Well, wake up and tell me about it,"
said l.
Hank pulled out piece OF corn husk,
dropped pinch Of graduated tobacco upon
it, and directly evolved n cigarette, which be
lighted with coal
About that dudei Well, it was a circus
Sc seen plenty Of fun with fool tenderfeet,
but he was the bird OF all The name Of the
Young gentleman was jerks. | don't know
that the rarity Of his nomenclature had any
thing to do with the rarity Of his mental at
mnsphere but the latter WAS certainly Pixies
peakian The newly appointed manager Of
an eastern cattle company-why in the name
of the pestiferous pop do these eastern CAPT
taisis always send dudes To manage their
affairs out herei-he blew in among us one
day, clothed upon with pigeon wing coat,
trrl4.rs If cuticular immeiiatene-s. fair
leather shoes, yellow kid gloves, and q som
brero 80 broad brnned that the youn ,est
cowpuncher in the outfit would have been
ashamed to be found dead with 1t on. Mr.
jerks had to keep three or four newspapers
folded under the sweat band to save the
measv thing from blowing away alone, thus
relieving us Of the fear that we might have
to lend him less picturesque hat, and sub
shutting the pleasanter anticipation OF seeing
that sombrero gently waited down upon one
of our New Mexican zephyrs, with Mr. jerks
dangling airily in its wake, Unfortunately,
however, those blonde shoes always succeeded
in holding him down.
He was surprised and panied to find no
horse cars running from the railroad to the
ranch. but having covered that forty miles
sitting on = sack OF corn in the bottom Of u
Studebaker wagon, he was glad enough to
get there alive, and was too thoroughly ex
hausted to kick at the two roomfulness OF
our mud hut till next day After that
though his tongue caught the combination
again. and kept working it till it made our
tired heads ache 'Aw, things ah SO difwent
in the east, don't chew know'-that's the why
he talked-'why, theah we wouldn't put a
hog in such mise wable hut as this. One of
the Mexican punchers remarked, soto voce,
that we wouldn't, either, If we could help it,
We couldn't perceive anything in the way Of
blue bottles perched on that dobe house of
ours, but Mr. jerks seemed to find it fairly
hy blown ! cant begin to chronicle all his
injurious remarks. for they were more nu-
merous than pitching bronco. and quite as
gratuitous The only good thing he found
among us was our leather twousehs,
as he called our chaparrejos, which
were so beaStly womantic. ye know.
And even these, he thought should
be equipped with seats The bay window Of
blue overall in the rear dspleased his ;es thetic
eye and it ras his exuberance Of criticism
on this tender point which finally inspired
the Kid to insert a small memento Of buck
norm cactus in the most prominent portion Of
Mr. jerks own stern necessities, and a live
rattlesnake in Mr. jerks high laced shoe, one
fine night-a wittcism which caused the vic
tim to embark for the railroad next day
But anticipate
Mr. Jen!:s shared our frijoles and chile
con carne with SOHO internal misgivinsys and
many audible groans, The latter dish he at
first took to be stewed tomatoes, and hal en-
quilted holy dose before he discovered it to
be pure red pepper OF the most venomous
disposition 1t took two hours to conv lncc
him that 1t was not n masked battery OF
Rough on Rats. Starvation finally reconciled
him however, to chile, as did fatigue to our
pine hunks But nothing could induce him
to divorce. or even temporary separation.
from those yellow kid gloves. He walked in
them. ate in them, slept In them"
Come now. Hank" interrupted, go a
little slow on that | was educated on a
newspaper and hate fabricator. That kid
glove business Is little too much"
Dead sober truth" replied Hank III il
| isn't hope to never see the back OF my neck
He Sid it was to keep his hands from getting
sunburnt. and the boys advised him to wear
cos on his teeth, too-for which friendly sug-
Cestion he took CORY vengeance by publish
| ing all our names in his country paper back
ecst. and calling us a lot Of snvages. We
didn't learn Of this, however till too late to
be Of practical benefit
Mr. jerks arrived among US seizsd Of a
wild and woody desire to become n Ba-ad
Man (limited). His hard earned Bwittshness,
Of course, he could not give up, but nice,
New Mexico cowboy frill upon his English
suit would make him a marked man among
the dudes at home He aspired, therefore. to
sling the sassy lariat, beard the uata,ned
bronco in its lair, and rival Billy Martin
with the pistol His first attempt to rope a
highly pacific tying post only ensl,ared his
own head and nearly ruined the architecture
,f that cherished hat A 3O-y,AI. old hors-.
ambitionless as mummy, landed him on mis-
| skull in a somewhat odorous pool which quite
finished the hat, and came very near finish
ing Mr. jerks. With these setbacks, the two
first named ambitions COED out Of him, but
craftsmanship vas more persstently ~ooed
1t is Of record that at the end Of the second
week he had achieved three holes in tomato
can set on a rock ten feet from the door, and
had crippled hut one horse-which We all
thought encouraging
Knowing this to be a desperate region
Mr.. jerks had come fully heeled He had
procured his tailor to erect two hip pockets
on the dome Of those English Trousers, and in
each Of these he carried a beautifully nickel
plated, pearl handled pistolette Of y denom-
nation The muzzles Of these very danger
Gus weapons slipped into the chambers Of one
OF our guns asslick rs cartridges Mr. Jenks
however. was proud Of his armament, and
got his nose fearfully out Of joint when Cuate
one OF the Mexican punchers-tried to buy
them to give to his girl for earringa As
Cuate has territorial reputation. however
and shoots the heads or Of chickens a. he
gallops past, Mr. jerks wisely held his horses,
and let the insult ranke exclusively in his
own breast-h such thing ex sted in the two
inches between bis shirt front and the back
Of his coat
BY = coincidence Mr. jerks struck the
territory in the time Of the fall shearing.
Our round up was over and as we had moth
ing particular To do we went to see Amado