Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1889-07-12
The Lightning-Rod Man.

his stamping ground
Because people want them, he replied.
1T is rare that you can sell one in town
or city nowadays but nine farmers out Of
ten want them"
DO they believe in them'
They do-after 1 have got through
talking II is the man who is not posted
who brings reproach on the lightning-rod
business. To be a successful business man
you must be loaded.
"Howi'
"Well, l call upon a farmer who has just
built fine barn. He has been told that
rods are n G. HI receives me very cold
". and promptly announces his belief that
| am a humbug laugh and pretend to
feel very jolly. and presently bring out
weapon number one
"What is thatl'
THE losses sustained on barns by fire
insurance companies doing business in the
State l show him that in one year 2,140
barns were struck hy lightning and con
sumed OF this number only four had rods.
| They were. of course the rods made by a
rival company. 0ur rods would have saved
them. Then comes weapon number two.
l show him list of 900 barns on which
we have rods, and not one of them has
ever been damaged.
"And he is convinced
"Oh, no | have a whole battery in re
serve. l get the position Of his barn by
/ f;,I Oh
sons why it is unusually exposed to light
ming. | advise him to cut down certain
| trees in case he won't have rod, and Of
fer to bet him 800 to $40 that his barn
| will be struck inside of a year. l explain
how thunder storms originate, what at
| tracts lightning, which corner of his barn
\ is the most liable to be struck, and why
our rods beats all"
Where do you get all your stitistics''
| Make them for myself, sir. l may be
| little over or q little under, but it makes no
! difference to the. l have the number of
barns burned in the United States last
| year. l made my own figures. He can
| accept them or not. l don't press him to
| buy rod, but am bound to give statis-
| tics He invites me to stay to dinner, and
after dinner | demonstrate the virtues of
| our rod
How"
''By an electric battery. l have only to
show him the sparks and flashes ON the
point to make him believe. Then | talk
about circuits, grounded wires, Undue
ton, attraction, and so on, and he gets in
such hurry for rod that we have 10 work
far into the evening
''Does your conscience ever trouble
your"
Never Everybody should have Il
lightning rod-one of our own make. They
are ornamental. They give jaunty air to
roofs and chimneyS. There is no delicate
machinery to get out of order 1t is no ex-
pense to run one after it is up. While you
are off huckleberrying in the daytime or
asleep at night the lightning rod is attend
ing right to business and not charging n
cent. No, sir, my conscience is as clear aS
a bell, and my sales this year will be one
third larger than last. I've got statistics
to show that ever barn in the State equip
ped with rods escaped hurricanes and cy
clones as well as thunderbotS last year
New York sam.
ALI affections of the kidneys and liver
are cured by Hoods Sarsaparlla. Try |
it.
Flies work from sun to sun, but the
mosquitoes work is never done.
-Carriage manufacturers are predicting
that in the not distant future W OGDEN wheels
will be done away with and steel wheels
substituted on account of the increasing
scarcity of lumber for wheels
Editors are being recognized officially
The president is pious man who doesn't
propose to see the writeous forsaken.
We see lengthy article going the
rounds of the papers headed How to man
age a.wiie." We didn't read it; no use
"A thoroughbred gcntleman-The baker
-Anniemation suspended in a
hammock
speaking of detectivcsf isn't the sun
great shadowerg
Have we read 'lIow she managed
himT Moo no use Don't we know how
twas done.
Nobody was ever as much attached to
the old farm as the mortgage
Those who use our goods are very
much attached to them" is what porous
plaster company advertses.
Street Loaier-Hello, boy! what's new
in the paper todayi Smart Newsboy-The
date.
Canada would be wiser to establish
three mile limit for American defautars
rather than for American fishermen.
-Nampy-I hear. Pampy, that you pos
sess u very estimable wife. Pampy (sadly)
No, she possesses me.
Can't something be done to cvil-eyes
the tribe of young savages who start at all
the pretty young ladies on our streetsf
Miss Lovclorn-Did you mean that as
a smile ut me. Oldbcau-No, my dear; it
was n twinge of the rheumatism.
No man appreciates more the rrssisti-
bic power of the press than the unlucky
wretch who has just got his fingers caught
N the machinery.
Jack (excitedly) Mamma. you know /
hat lemon pit | planted last year that
;alne up pea vine! Well, its got string
beans on it,
Mrs. Cums-What made Mr. Dapyrook
'un away. Mrs. Fangle-Wcll, | heard
ne had an excrescence in his accounts.
Mr. Younghusband-Dar YOU have
been weeping. What is it, my sweetest
ove' Mrs. Younghusband-Hor
We read u great deal at present about
% first hn ha- |