The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1889-05-14
THE COSMOS BANQUET.
What We Know, What We
Don't Know and What
We Want to Know.
THESE WERE THE QUESTIONS
They We're Answered Wittily and
Wisely by Eloquent Speakers.

The whole effort of the after dinner en-
tertainment at the banquet of the Cosmos
in Taylor's Hotel last night was to find
what they did know, what they'd like to
know and what they should know. The
conclusions they arrived at were that they
do know-nothing that they'd like to
know everything; and that they should
know a good deal more than they do
know.
Counselor James Fleming, in a full dress
suit that set "comf'bly" on his rounded
form, presided at the feast which Manager
De Revere had spread to put them in good
humor for the intellectual feast that fol-
lowed it. Among the fifty or SO gentle
men that sat at the tables were the
Rev. G. H. Brett, James B.
Vredenbergh, Collector Thomas
H. Kelly, Rev. Father Corrigan, of Hobo
ken; Edward A. Dngan, f. o. Cole, Cor
poration Counsel Minturn, Joseph A.
Dear, Mr.. Hague, c. c. Stimets, of Has
brouck Institute; E. w. Harrison, John
w. Herbert, John A. Walker, George J.
Medole, George A. Heaney. Andrew Bar
ricklo, Robert Elliott, of the gas company;
School Superintendent Poland, ex-Mayor
Collins, Major q. K. Pangborn, NJ d. Til
den and George L. Record.
The Rev. Mr.. Brett made the feast ortho-
dox by asking blessing, and then the
descent on the menu began.
THE FEAST OF REASON.
1t was chat and eat. The scurrying of
waters and the changing of plates. and
the battle of knives and forks till ten
O'Clock, and Mr.. Fleming asked for order,
while he observed that the Cosmos Club
is discordant harmony of clashing views,
but notwithstanding the discords, it had
survived long enough to cut its eye teeth
Which gave Mr. Knudson, club guest
from New York, an opportunity to ex-
press the conviction that the Cosmos has no
eye teeth; while the rapid disappearance of
the feast was ample proof to the mind
that its stomach's teeth were in good
order
The Rev. Father Corrigan made pile
of fun in telling what we know" He
knew SO little, in fact, that he was afraid
if he talked very long he would interfere
with the orator who was to follow him.
He became so serious after time that, in
talking of politics and temperance, he an
nounced that the prohibition policy of the
Republican party had pleased him so that
he thinks OF voting the republican ticket
hereafter.
Frank o. Cole talked about what we
don't know, and it was the unanimous
opinion of his hearers that he gave him
self clean away. Incidentally, he told of
q rascally tramp who had gone to John
NJ. Jones Sip avenue mansion to say that
Mr.. Jones had sent him after his over
coat.
s'Mr. Jones' overcoat," replied the as
tonished mistress of the house, why,
Jones has been dead ten years, and linen
duster would probably answer all his
present purposes.
That tramp evidently didn't know
something he should have known. Mr..
Cole was quite as badly informed as the
tramp on the subject of why the pretty
girls in the central Office take so long to
answer telephone calls. The only thing
he did know indeed was that Major Pang-
born's stories as to the circulation Of his
allowance.
ToAsTs TO OTHER CLUBS.
George Holmes responded pleasantly to
the health of the Jersey City Athletic
Club. Charles Lee Myers responded to
another to the Cartaret, In which
wondrous sobriety Of its mem
bers by announcing that its buffet profits
last year had been only 800 and its entire
buffet receipts last month a trifie of $3S.
The response to the Palma Club was
made by George Heaney, who excused the
COuleSScu Nhp1uAcSS VI Ills SliCcCll Will Llo
story of a man who testified in court
that another man had killed somebody.
"Was the gun loaded?n asked the coun-
sci.
81 don't know" was the startling re-
sponse.
"How can he have killed the man if his
gun were not loaded?" pursued the as
tonished lawyer.
"Well, l don't know" returned the
witness, unless the gun was like a law
yer's mouth-it went off whether there
was any thing in it or not"
Mr.. Heaney could appreciate the full
point of this joke. Mr.. Heaney is law
yer himself-that is, a sign on his office
door says so.
WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW.
Prof. William j. Eckof picked out his
words, as he spoke to the toast, What
We Want to Know" as daintily as
damsel with her spring dress would pick
her way over pavement OF eggs, till he
got down to talking of the public schools.
The main thing he wanted to know was
why the Jersey City school teaahers can't
get dinner oftener than they do.
Teacher he said, ''is q courteous
name for pauper in this city,"
AS he went on he gave 1t to School
Trustee Eddy Dugan ''in the neck, as
the boys say, by his description of the
pull among the corrupt politicians a
teacher needs for his advancement 1t
was amusing to see the School Trustees
bosom heave with Indignation as he
listened.
Other addresses were made by the Rev.
c. Brett and Major Pangborn.