The Red Cloud chief., 1889-11-15
N e CARL punpER.


CARL OUNOEH.
he Old Fellow Il CatehinxO o, to Amer.
/; lean Ways ut Last.
"Hello. Mr.. Dunder.- saluted Sergeant
Bendall as that individual entered the
Central station, with . broad. satisfied
smile on his c~ountenance,
Hello. Sergeant. Was eaferythings
all right init you?-
II guess SO. You look happy
Sergeant. I Was shust like sweet Gil.
No more troubles for me. vhas catch
ing on to do shust like Americans"
Il am glad Of that You used to be
terribly green"
; l vhas. Three months ago Idosn
know some beans in . bag. Ha. ha!
Der cows come along und take me for
some grass. If it rains / shtandt RICH:
ont doors und get wet Ha! ha. 1t
makes me laugh when l see how green I
vhas!'
Anything happened lately?- queried
the sergeant, in a careless way.
"Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try
to beat me, but dey doan' make oudt. l
vhas o sharp Cor 'em. One TELLER comes
along NIT six pairs Of sheep-shears in a
bundle. He doan' want to sell dose
shears. but he likes to borrow three dol
lars for one dag und leaf EN- for secur-
ity. If he doan' come pack in one day
dose shears vhas NINE"
Il see.-
HE doan' come pack. Maybe he
break his leg or something. but dot vhas
nothing to me. / keep dose shears. If
somepody beats me. sergeant, he shall
hat to get oop VERY early in der morn
ing"
Il presume Sc. Have you the shears
there?!-
Il hat. belief you like to see EN-
They are worth two shillings a pair"
said the sergeant, after an inspection.
''You are out Of pocket fourteen shill-
ings. and what do you expect to do with
sh~eepshears?!-
"Heafens. I doan' think Of dot"
gasped Mr.. Dunder as he grew white in
tie face.
ANY thing else?"
"Vhell. 1 get my life insured. Idoan'
belief l vhas sheated by dot. A Teller
comes along und says vhas 1 Carl Dun
der? l vhas. Well. der President of
der United States says he likes me to
call on you and insure -FOUR life. Dis
vhas a new company und a new idea. 1
let you in by der ground floor. l like
your name to influence odder people.
"'How vhas dot new idea?'
"You pay only two dollars eafery
twenty years, and if you die your wife
gets $4,000. 1t vhas der biggest thing
out. Shildrens cry for it. Vanderbilt.
Shay Gould, Russell Sage und all der
big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you
vhas-who vhas your grandmother-how
many teeth have you lost oudt-vhas
you eafer bit by some dogs-did you eafer
own a white horSe-how often you fall
down stairs-do you ride on some bicy-
cles. und dis vhas der truth. der whole
truth, und nothing but der truth
And he wanted the two dollars in ed
vance," queried the sergeant.
'-Of course. Dot was to pay for
~shwearing me-
well. you are beaten again. Mr.. Dun
der. Insurance men don't do business
that way. Good day.
How you mean?-
'You had better go home. Have you
got a tub in your house?"
.'Of course"
ANY bran at the ba1n?"
"Yes.-
well. make the tub about half full
Of mash and then put your head I o soak
for about ~forty-eight hours. When
through buy some No. 4 sand-paper and
polish it down TO the bone.-
Sergeant. vhas / some greenhorns?:'
"You are"
"Vhill l eafer learn something's
Never
Then. goodbye! I shan't try no
1t vhas a queer country, und
nothing vhas der same two times alike.
When my body was brought in here
doan make fun of it. Shust use it shent-
" und say dot l did SO we'll ash l could"
Detroit Free Press.