, 1889-06-01
A. Few Points of Etiouette.

Rochester Union. In the mad whiri of
the cotillion. if you wear ready made
clothing bought from an irresponsible
dealer, and hear a BIZ 1t that don't har-
monte with the L string on the bass fd-
die. il is entirely correct and proper to
not forward and back" according to the
commands Of the figure caller, but TO
back straight ahead without baking until
you reach the wall, when a pin neatly
utilized may cover your embarrassment
and retreat. People who smoker under
such circumstances should be put outside
the pale of good society.
When invited out to dinner and you in
advertently get a huge mourhful OF mince
pie hat is hot enough to melt the solder
off a gas pipe, tangled up in your epiglot-
tbs, do not act as if you had the whooping
cough, but arise culmly with a slight
of and movement. toss the offending
morsel behind the majolica dog in the
corner, meantime patting bis head as
though you thought him alive. This
graceful act never fails to win the heart
Of your hostess, who thinks you intend
her faithful friend to partake of the festiv-
tiles.
Some writer on etiquette, a good many
years ago, said hat it was perfectly proper
to eat fried chicken with the fingers, [
have often noticed people seize on a wing
and rip it open like they would tear a
yard Of clothing material off a bolt of
calico and so the cracking of the crazy
bone was audible all over the dining room.
1t is true that some fried chickens re-
quire heroic treatment, but when an APP
prentice in etiquette tries to jerk the
goose flesh off the second Joint of a Louis
XIV, hen and squirts a streak of gravy
into the eyes of his neighbor it does seem
that a new code regarding the best man
ner Of SCATTERING the remains of a hard
boiled foul should be introduced.
When the sheriff of a county serves a
subpoena on you, it is considered in good
taste to attend his reception without fur
Their invitation OIL his part Some stick
lers on politencss. however, who find that
it will prevent their witnessing a ball
game, go to the extreme of sending
around a physicians certificate to the ef,
feet that they are indisposed from the in
fuence of the sportive elements.
Don't use snuff if your false teeth are
not adhesive. l once heard of a case in
which this rule was not observed, when
the traDsgressor, in a thoughtless moment,
nearly knocked the eye out OF a S25 King
Charles spaniel.
No one but n boor will snore in the Vol
apuk language in a church where a SER
mon is being delivered in English. OBJ
servance of the harmonies is one of the
greatest traits of the true Euglishman.
People who have enlarged Romanesque
nasal chords will be interested in an in
%vention which a friend OF mine is getting
up, which he calls the Sure Shore Kill
err" 1t is a phonetic arrangement con-
nected with a pillow-sham holder, and
when the air vibrations are four lines be-
low the clef, to use a musical term, the
holder drops and hits the sleeper across
the bridge of the nose. Four caveats and
a number of legal retainers have already
been filed.
Don't play practical Jokes on a spitz
dog whose tail is done up like the letter
O..
When you order meat from your butcher
don't ever use the term limb of NUT
ton. He will think that you never in
tend paying for it.
In all cases of doubt about the minor
points of etiquette,a strong bluff on a weak
hand will almost always win.