Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-11-01
Mr.. Bowser Tries to Shave Himself.

the other evening with a parcel under
his arm.
Il do not"
well, figure it at an hour and
half, TO say nothing of the expense.
One also runs many risks by shaving
in public place"
Yes
And l shall hereafter shave myself.
/ can do it in seven or eight minutes,
at a cost Of less than two cents, and l
run no risk of having my throat cut
by some lunatic.n
We'll, l hope you'll make a success
of it, but -"
There you go! Did | ever attempt
anything you didn't discouraged"
But you know you tried it twice
and gave it up and threw your outfits
away in disgust
And why2 Because some one used
my razors to cut kindling woodr'
Mr.. Bowser!"
AT least it appeared that way 10
me. And l got lame arm, and we
went off on visit, and there were
several other reasons. From this
time forward | shall shave myself,
and shall begin after supper"
After supper he prepared himself
with three towels and quart OF hot
water, and went up stairs 10 begin
operations. l crept softly up and
took a seat on the landing just as Mr..
Bowser had removed coat, vest and
collar and was mixing the lather.
While he was soaping his face | heard
him growl several times, and after
ward ascertained that il was caused
by his jabbing the brush into his
mouth and eyes by mistake. About
one-third Of the lather was deposited
on his shirt-front before he got
through. He was just seventeen
minutes getting ready for the razor,
and when he took it up l heard him
mutter:
This thing handles mighty dwk
ward If that fellow has gone and
sold me left-handed razor I'll prose-
cute him to the last ditchr'
He held it in various positions to
get "the hang" and when he finally
got ii he made a careful motion along
his right check. To his great delight
he didn't cut his head of. On the
contrary, he shaved of whole spoon
full of lather, and heard him chuck
ling:
"Egadl But I'm getting there with
both feet No barber could beat
thatw
Mr.. Bowser wears mustache, and
is very proud OF it. At the third or
fourth scrape along his cheek one
Of the ends Of the moustache got in
the way of the razor, and a share OF
it was carried overheard, so to speak.
by thunder" gasped Mr.. Bowser,
as he regarded the damage, and he
carefully washed all the lather of that
side to closer inspect the calamity.
Investigation proved that the damage
was not beyond repair, and he re-
newed the lather and went ahead.
In the course of the next fifteen
minutes Mr.. Bowser must have re-
moved as many as two hairs from his
face, and he uttered fully one hun
dred sighs and grunts. He tried the
razor in his right hand and in his left,
and in every conceivable position,
and he brushed on the lather until a
hoe would scarcely have scraped it
off.
You see,n heard him saying TO
himself, "a fellow has to fool around
awhile to get confidence in himself.
expected it would take me about
half an hour this time, but inside OF
week I'll make clean shave inside
OF five minutes. There-thst's good
job
He wet "a towel and wiped the
lather of his face and took look in
the glass The result astonished him.
So far as he could see he had not re-
moved one single beard. He had
scraped off the lather, but the beard
was still there. He growled away for
awhile and then mixed fresh lot Of
lather and brushed it on, and, after
satisfying himself that the razor's
edge was all right by cutting a hair
pulled from his head, he laid it against
his chin. He gradually turned il up
and began to scrape, and heard him
softly saying:
Now, then, I've got the real hang
oft. was carrying il too fat. There's
a trick"
Two things suddenly happened.
He cut the left corner OF his mustache
of and gashed his chin at the same
stroke, and the next instant he
bounded into the hall and shouted for
lie.
well, what is itf'' / asked as rose
up.
Look hereI I'm fatally woundedw
he cried, as he danced around the
hall.
Let Inc see. Why, it's nothing but
a slight cut. Let me wash the lather
Of"
1t was a lively cut, and it bled
freely for quarter Of an hour, dur
ing which time Mr.. Bowser did a
great deal of signing and groaning
and forgot about his mustache. When
/ had plastered up the cut he ereturned
to the glass, discovered that his mus.
tache was lop-sided, and wheeled on
me to eXclaim:
81 -. -