Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1889-11-14
HONEST cABl punoER.

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The Old Fellow h Catching On to Anner-
lean Ways at LAST.
! Hello! Mr.. Dunder!r saluted Sergeant
Bendall as that individual entered the
Central station, with a broad, satisfied
smile on his countenance,
Hello! Sergeant. Was eaferythings
all right NIT your
ST guess so. You look happy"
Sergeant, vhas shust like sweet oil.
No more troubles for me. I vhas catch
ing on to do shust like Americans"
81 am glad of that. You used to be
terribly green"
$50 vhas. Three months ago doan
! know some beans in bag Ha! ha!
Der cows come along und take me for
some grass. If it rains / shtandt right
out doors und get wet. Ha! ha! 1t
makes me laugh when see how green I
vhas!''
Anything happened lately?" quer;ed
the sergeant, in a careless way.
'sVhell, not meoch. Some fellers try
to beat me, but dey doan' make oudt. I
vhas too sharp for 'em. One feller comes
along NIT six pairs of sheep-shears in a
bundle. He doan' want to sell dose
shears, but he likes to borrow three dol
lars for one day und leaf 'em for secur-
ity. If he doan' come pack in one day
dose shears vhas mine."
ST see."
''He doan' come pack. Maybe he
break his leg or something, but dot vhas
nothing to me. keep dose shears. If
somepody beats me, sergeant, he shall
hat to get oop VERY early in der morn
ing"
81 presume So Have you the shears
there?"
ST hat belief you like to see 'em.'
''They are worth two shillings pair, "
said the sergeant, after an inspection.
ssYou are out of pocket fourteen shi1l-
ings, and what do you expect to do with
sheep-shears?'
ssHeafens! I doan' think of dotl'
gasped Mr.. Dunder as he grew white in
the face.
''Any thing else?"
''Vhell, get my life insured. Idoan'
belief I vhas sheated by dot. A Teller
comes along und says vhas Carl Dur
der? vhas. Vhell, der President of
der United States says he likes me to
call on you and insure your life. Dis
vhas a new company und a new idea.
let you in by der ground floor. I like
your name to influence odder people.
6 How vhas dot new idea?'
ssYou pay only two dollars eafery
twenty years, and if you die your wife
gets $75, 900. It vhas der biggest thing
out. Shildrens cry for it. Vanderbilt,
Shay Gould, Russell Sage und all der
big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you
vhas-who vhas your GRANDMOTHER
many teeth have you lost oudt-vhas
you eafer bit by some dogs-did you eater
own. a white horse-how often you fall
down stairs-do you ride on some bicy-
cles, und dis vhas der truth, der whole
truth. und nothing but der TRUTH
'sAnd he wanted the two dollars in adj
vsnce?" queried the sergeant.
.sOf course. Dot was to pay for
shwearing me-"
"Well, you are beaten again, Mr.. Dun
der. Insurance men don't do business
that way. Good day!''
Glow you mean?"
"You had better go home. Have yor
got tub in your house?"
'sOf course
'sAny bran at the barn?''
eyes"
ssWell, make the tub about half full
of mash and then put your head to soak
for about forty-eight hours. When
through buy some No. 4 sand-paper and
polish it down to the bone.''
Sergeant, vhas 1 some greenhouses
tsYou are.'
'sVhill eater learn something's"
'sNever.''
''Then, goodbye! I shan't try no
more. It vhas queer country, und
nothing vhas der same two times alike.
When my body was brought in here
doan' make fun OF it. Shust use it shent-
iy und say dot / did so well ash could. -
Detroit Free Press