Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1889-04-26

! THE coming Qlrl Val walk i've miles
day, says the Household. II the editor VIII
name the starting time and distance per
haps the fellow she is coming after can get
out Of the way, says the Minneapolis Trib
| rnc.
"HAvx you ever sat upon an inouest!''
asked the coroner of cowboy "Betcher
life l hev, stranger" was the ready
answer "And what kind of verdict did
you bring in?' GA charge of murder
against the Doctor"
FIRST WARD DUDE lat recent social al
fair)-"Miss NJ. have started mutual
admiration society" Miss Nah! When
do you initiate the other memberl" Then
deep, solemn stiffness brooded DER the
gathering.-Elmira Gazette.
! A BRAKE has been invented which will
stop locomotive going at the rate of forty
miles an hour within space of fifty feet.
The engineer and fireman are expected to
! keep On for about mile and half, but
| they are Of little conseauence.-DetroaF Free
| Press.
| A YOUNG man who held loaded pistol to
his head and threatened to blow his brains
/ out unless the girl who had refused him
would consent to have him, was coolly told
/ by the young lady he would have to blow
some brains into his head first. He didn'
blow
/ SWELL No. pretending to mistake for
an usher a rival whom he sees standing in
! evening dress at the cloak room of the
theater)-"Ah! have you programmed
| Swell No. equal to the occasion)-
Thanks, my man; got one from the other
fellow"
"MY DEAR" he whispered softly, as they
seated themselves on the toboggan, ''if on
the way down l should ask you to be my
wife, what would you say?" ''What would
you do if l should refuses" she whispered
back. II should have to let you slide" he
simply said.
KINDLY OLD LADY-"What's the matter,
little boy!'' Little Boy (crying BITTERLY
II lost f. cents" Kind Old Lady giving
him nickeD-''Well, here is five cents
more for you, don't cry. How did you lose
its' Little Boy feeling better)-'s1 lost it
pitchin' pennies
A LOUISVILLE lover, while kissing his
sweetheart goodbye felt choking sensa-
ton in his throat and finally died from suf-
location. The doctors could not tell what
allied him, but evidently, says an exchange
his heart had come up into his throat and
choked him to death.
CLARA" They say Charley is a great
catch, and all the girls are running after
him; but for my part don't see what they
find in him to ADMIRE Susan-"Perhaps
you do not know that his mother has the
reputation Of being wretched cook ("
Clara-'Is that so? He'll make a splendid
husband for somebody"
LEARNING A TRADE.-Blacksmith to
- Won b{rly
necessary qualifications for blacksmith 90
Young man" Yes, sir. l was a member
of the foor-ball team at college" Black
smith (dubiously)-"Yo may be strong
enough, young man, but this business de-
mands brains as we'll as strength
TIE New Orleans Picayune says: sin
improving heavy guns the tendency is to
throw projectiles longer distances. The
gunners like to be as far away from danger
as possible. This works well until the 9th
er fellows get the same guns, and then
they might as well go back to the first
principles IN war and fight with clubs'
LAwYER-"Y You say the prisoner accl-
dentally shot himself in the legs" Witness
81 did" Lawyer-"Was the gun load
eda" Witness" don't know" Lawyer
"Now, then, will you please state to the
jury how he shot himselfs" Witness
well, l suppose that the blamed old gun
was like a lawyers mouth went off wheth-
er there was any thing in it or not. w Y.
Sun.
GoTHAMITE-"Living in Golden City, eh 81
Western Man-"Yes, and l find the West
ern climate delightful" Glow do you like
the peoples" ''Well, the fact is, l have
only been there two years, and have not
been able to get into the best society vet;
there is so much of the old family caste
there, you known "There is:" 20, yes,
some of the people have been there six
years. It'd Bits
WARS the speed of that horse." was
asked of an old colored man who was lead
ing sad-looking equine into blacksmith
shop. (Which wayl" "Why; 1 don't see
that it should make any difference which
way he's headed" "Dat's kase you doan'
own him, sab. His speed when he's gwine
home jist keeps a stOp-watch bobbin all
over, but when he's comm away FUN de
BAN you kin cotch his time by terbacker
box''
THE true philosophy of life was exempli-
fed the other day by a young woman who
was planning her spring wardrobe Now"
she said to her appreciative seamstress, Il
want tailOr-made suit the worst way, but
as can't afford that, l want you to help
me get up a dress that will look as if
hated tailor-niade suits and thought them
very unfeminlne and unattractive-we'u
do the esthetio and poetic racket as we
can't come tina ofhar ~ G,,,nbsr