Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-01
LIES BRIGHTENERs.

E1OALELnlCNE you Ca4- See I-AA@
A glass eye.
IT must have been a corn doctor who
sat at the feet of GamalieI.
You can never judge a mans sorrow
by the signs of his hat band.
IT was a long, dark day when Adam
got Ieft-the day in which ne saw no
Eve.
MATCHES are made in heaven. It's
the ups and downs Of this life that ig-
nights them.
DANCING is poetry of motion, and no
pOetieal young man can see a pretty
girl dancing without wishing TO second
the motion.
ARTIFICIAL eggs are manufactured in
a Pennsylvania town The inventor
probably wanted to help the hens to
bear their yolk.
"THERE is nothing so aggravating as
Jealous husband, p" said a married
woman; "but there's nothing SO humili-
ating as a husband who Is not So"
A LITTLE girl in the Warren street
school the other day, being asked, in
the grammar class, to give the plural
of "child," promptly replied Twins, :"
Miss DAsH-O, by the way, Mrs.
Highmind, have you heard the latest
slang expressions? Mrs. Highmind-
I suppose so, dear. You have been here
almost an hour.
A sEA-sERPENT sixty-three feet long,
with the head Of a catfish covered with
scales and barnacles, has been caught
in the tropics This is another triumph
of hook and lynn.
HUNGRY guest-How this? I or
T Oh n ho1 I
see the egg, but where is the steak
Table a5tendant-Dat's all right, sab;
| de steak am under de egg.
engaged to Nellie. eh?" eyes.
| Shrewd girl! p "How SOP" "AIade
her father a present of motto yes
| terday" "What was the sentiment ?"
$50 ia, and no father. - Chicago
| Ledger.
| MIsTREss-DO you like your steak
rare. Mr.. Buster? Buster-Well, I
suppose L ought to by this time, for
since I have boarded with you its ap-
| pearance on the table has been rare, at
any rate.
| A POET is born not made This is
lucky for the poet. If the popuIace
caught him in the act OF making him
| self there would be an injunction served
on him so quick that it would make
/ his head swim.
"Why, 'Liiah. said the farmer, dis
! covering the old man in his hen house,
| "I never expected this of you. al
/ ways thought you were as honest as the
| day is long Deed I is, sab, " re-
piled the old raprobate "Yo' mus re-
member dat de days am gettin' short. "
THE reason why the Dying Gladi-
atOr is so much admired, Ethelred, is
! because he keeps his mouth shut.
! He is very different from our modern
| gIadiators, who go all over the country
blowing about what they are going to
do as soon as they get into condition. "
"WELL, my boy" he asked cheer
| fully at the breakfast table the morn
| ing after ChOlly had taken the i'm
POI tant leap, chow did things go last
evening? Did she smile on your pro-
pOsal:" "No," said ChoiIy family,
| pushing away a breakfast roll. "She
smiled at it.
CHARLIE-Blanche dear, L wish you
wouldn't wear that terribly low cut
/ dress again that you wore at the ball
last night. Blanche Why, Charlie 4?
You always said before we were mar
| ried that I looked lovely in it. Charlie
Yes, dear but it's different now It
CAUSES I0luhIASs 1OuuS 4uOIulOu SdlO
to me last night: "I see your wife's
back from BrookIine."
APPLICANT for place Well, I don't
know, mum. You have very large
family, and I'm afraid couldn't do the
work. I suppose you have great trouble
keeping girls, don't you? Sharp
Housekeeper- indeed. There is a
big factory full of handsome young
men near here, and every one of my
! servant girls goes off and gets married.
ooh! Well, III try it,
THE SEALSKIN SACOUE.
You may talk OF your sweet. pretty faces,
OF your beadWOrk, your velvet and gold,
OF your lOVeliest lovely Of laces,
And the power Of wealth untold
But what are they ali put together.
To crowd on a fair creatures back?
/ Why, nothing Though warm be the weather,
Men worship the sealskin sacque.
Ills the garb of the fair goddess Venus,
In the omnibus, car, the shops,
To get the fair object between US
Every man OF US gaIIantly hops,
| No matter if age be beneath it,
| Or a witless young maid, with h0r ctacks
| We worship the form If you Wreathe it
| In the folds of a sealskin sacque.
THOSE LOCUsTs.
Kansas teacher-Wher does all oul