Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-01-18
THINK-TANK RELIEF.

You cannot lie and be an upright
man at the same time. ~
IF you want. to pry up, the rock of
success, use enterprise.
RELATIONS between milkman and q
millionaire are naturally strained.
Your. laundress appears to be very
old" Eyes; she belongs to the iron
age"
"DoN'T give up the ship!" If you must
give up anything in the nautical line
give up the schooner.s ,",s
Il SEE that glasses improve your
rye-sight, said a barkeeper to o TOPPER.
".Well, should smile. {"
WHY will a street-car conductor stop
man from. smoking and the next min
ute help a woman to alight.
THERE is no law to prevent q man
making a fool of himself;if there was.
some men wouldn't know how to while
away the time.
"WAs it the girls father who broke
off the engagement 2" inquired Jenkins.
No" replied the Tilted lover, 1T was
her little brother" -
"PoTATo socials" are the current rage
in rural Kansas. They are probably so
called because the Kansas youth goes
to them to make mash.
A MAN may successfully dodge We
hicles on Broadway all day long and
then go home at night and smash his
nose against the edge of door.
AT the restaurant: Waiter, I-see here
you have wine at so cents bottle and
some at 81. What is the difference be-
tween them? Waiter-5O cents.
They have banks down in the prov.
inces that no one fears will ever be-
broken into or cleaned out by dishona
est cashiers. They are fog banks.
CHARLIE got a raise in his salary
said Mamie. did he tell you?" "No."
"tIhen how do you know?" Because
he now calls the head clerk Jack"
WHO would want to buy q pair Of
colored stockings of a color that
wouldn't run? It might be found very
inconvenient if the possessor was in =
hurry.
EVERY mansion in which family Of
girls are growing up should have q
courtyard. Young couples would
spoon less on front steps and in beau
windows. -" -:
TELEGRAMs are always regarded BY
the transmitting companies as conf
Dental. The telegrapher, therefore,
becomes a confidence operator, whether
he wants to or not.
A CHICAGO railway passenger agent
was bounced the other day for tellinei
the truth. He says he is going into the
newspaper business, where strict vei
racity is no serious objection.
THE man who mourns over the wan
ton destruction Of our forests does not
hesitate to fill his pockets with gratui-
tous toothpicks at the restaurant after
eating plate of 15-cent soup.
"MR. CHAMBERLAIN had been court
ing the daughter of our Secretary of
War for some time, hadn't he?" asked
Mrs. Squildig. "Yes," replied her
husband, "but in the Endicott her."
| AMER1cAN-You Frenchmen are so
mercurial that / should think insanity
would be common in your country2
Frenchman-O1ti,o 2ti, it ees, it ees,
hear vaira often Of Frenchmans marry
ing for love.
BoBDT-Pa, what's the difference be-
tween campaign fund and cor
ruption fund? Father There's
mighty big difference. A campaign
fund is what our party spends and q
corruption fund is what the other party
uses. =.
ED1roE-That little item of yours
yesterday reminded me strongly of
some of Shakspeare's work. Funny
man (blushing)-Ah, thank you. 1t is
kind Of you to say so. In what respect,
may I inquire? Editor (coldly)-In
age, principally.
"ALLow me to congratulate you ON
your engagement. Tell me how it cam9
about. thought you intended remain.
ing single" ".Yes, certainly, but met
the other day at q ball young and
pretty girl with whom I got into con-
versation, and, only think, she con-
fessed that she too had decided to re-
main single. Impossible to imagine
greater harmony of disposition
SO we got engaged. "-Deattsche YES
pen. =.
LYRIC.
II anyone can tell you
How my song ia wrought
And my melodies are caught
will give not sell you,
~ Tho secret, II there be ono
For could never SEQ one).
How my songs are wrought.
Like the blowing of tho wind,
Or the flowing Of the stream.
Is the music In my mind,
And the voice in my dream
Where many things appear,
The dimple, the tear,
And the pageant of theyesr.
But nothing that IL clear
And even and morn
Where sadness IL RladuaRa