The morning news., 1889-04-24
BRIGHT BITS.


HUsBAND-Dress. dress. always dress don't
believe You have an idea above $50 dress.
Wife-O, yes, have. l have ideas Of goo
dresses.-Time.
MISS GUsHINeToN-You ought 10 have been
at the Dateriarchs ball last evening. l had a
| lovely Irritation with your brother.
Miss Snspshop-O, he'd firt with anything,
| dear.-LJe
HrsBASD-A word to the wise is sufficient, my
dear.
Wife--I know it, darling. That's why have
| 70 be continually and everlastingly talking to
| you.-WdshiHgton Critic.
ONE would think after consideration of the
| prices that are to be charged for various priv
| lleges in New York next week, that George
| washington was first in the pockets Of his
| countFymen.- Utica Observer.
STERN FATHER-What were you doing with
your head on old Smiths shoulder last nights
| Davghter-You're not angry, hope, father?
| No; but don't ike to see young heads on
old shoulders, that's all - Y0nkers Statesman.
| Mrs YoUSewIFE dn temperl-And did you
marry me because you wanted housekeepers
| Her Husband (milUy)-NO, my dear If I'd
wanted housekeeper l should have married
| some one who knew how to keep house.-PhIld-
| ephtd Record.
rs LOVE FAILUREr' How on earth any
man who has ever strained the object of his
affections to his heart and printe q kiss on the
end Of her nose can ask that question is e stun
ner. One might as well ask if eating was a
fallure.-Detrou Free Press.
TEyEHsoN may b. right in his assertion that
lis only noble TO be good, - but we would be
willing to wager a small amount and give odds
| that, looking at the nice Office Of Secretary of
the Interior, a good many people recognize the
| fact it Is also good TO be NOb,e.-Puct.
Mas. MUeGNs- What's the matter with my
husband, doctor2
Doctor-Looks like bad case of water on the
brain
"Dearie me. shouldn't wonder. shouldn't
wonder. He's been city milk inspector for
years. ~ Time.
FIRST TRAMP-Why didn't you nod to that
feller what nodded u YOU?
Second Tramp-|Ie don't belong TO our set
He works for a living
No he don't. That shows all you know He
don't work any more n we do He's an office
holder. '-PAtiddelDhiG Record
HEARD AT THE .THEArER-"Who is the author
of this play:'
Worth, believe"
But here.how's that? the programme says
Shakespeare
Yes. / believe Shakespeare did have some
thing to do with it; but Worth has put it in
presenttabie shape. " Boston Transcript
CUSTOMER tretugnjng)-D | give you
IS gold piece just now by mistake for a scent
piece?
Merchant tpositively)-No. sir I'd
Customer turning to go)-It isn't of any par.
ticular consequence. / had a counterfeit SIS
gold piece that | carried simply as a curiosity
| must have lost il some .s.. .--
Merchant (hastly)-Wait moment. I'll look
agaia.-Chicngo Tribune.
DEAR JOIN" wrote the wife, II am sorry to
say Willie fell out of q swing yesterday and dis
abled himself He will not be able to use his
arms for a month-so the doctor says. He is
getting along all right, but it makes him rest
less to stay indoors. When you return from the
| city please bring him something he can amuse
himself wttn.'
Willie, said the father, kindly, as he patted
| the little boy consoingly on the head the next
| day, Il have brought you that drum prom
ised you year or two ago you should have
| some time. Chicago Tribune