Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-07-08

gives strength to the whole system.
Never ask a stereopticon to give you
his views.
1t is about time now to turn the hoes
on the cornfield.
The man in a peck of trouble is in n
measure to be pitied.
Every claim has been taken up in Okla
homa That settles it.
The only way to get hen out of the
garden is to go slow but shoo'er.
Bill Tells boy is remembered in histo-
ry because he had an arrow escape.
Prohibition did not meet its Waterloo
but it's Whskeyloo in Pennsylvania last
week.
OF course our new minister to England
was pOILUSIJ A~~~., - st4~ 49,. --.-=t
neerS.
Plenty of sleep is conducive to beauty.
Even garment looks worn when it loses
its nap.
He-What are the wild waves saying?"
She-Oh, they are probably making some
current remark.
We do not know the complexion of the
cave-dweller, but judge him to have been
a sort of terra-cotter.
Wifc-How funny! A Mr.. Rose and
Mr.. Flower fought duel in Georgia.
Husband-With pistils?"'
1t is astonishing how pretty the home
ly girl can look when she is talking to
you through the telephone.
Il am sorry, but the editor cannot talk
to any one to-day" Author-Oh, that's
no matter l will do all the talking my
self.
Cholmondy (sighing)-I wish were
rumor. Wherefore? asked Reginald.
That might gain currency, replied the
wretch.
Since the erection of Elifiel tower, the
Tower of Pisa is no longer the most ia
nous in the world, but it still has a lean
ing that way.
1 want to write a letter to the Secretary
of the Navy. Shall 1 address him as
"Your Excellency?" ooh, no; use the
term s'Your Warship."
We believe that it was member of the
Chicago literary aggregation who, on be-
ing asked if he could read Greek, modest
ly replied 81 don't know. never tried"
A raving maniac recently escaped from
Pennsylvania mad-house and wandered
over into New Jersey. He was nominat-
ed for congress before he could be re-
captured.
A New Jersey woman has broken her
husbands head with pitcher. DR..
Hammond's statements with regard to
the mischievous ice pitcher are now vindi-
Gated.
The dentists daughter (who hears her
father approaching)- dear Edward,
here comes my father You will either
have to ask for my hand or-let him pull
out Il tooth for you.
The Pater-Well, DR.. Raptail, | like
your school very much, and Think III
put my boy here. But tell me what sort
of boys do you turn out?" The Doctor
The bad ones.
Shelf must have been an awful storm
to blow away the lighthouse. ChollY-
Terrible, my dear; but it could have only
been through carelessness that there was
lighthouse in such an exposed place.
Wife-Tom, 1 must have some money
to pay what / owe at the hair store. L
owe for a skeleton-bang, and switch,
and a Husband-Clara, spare me the
hair owing details.
Omaha Youth-I've called for my new
spring suit. Average tailor-Sorry, but it
is not finished. Omaha Youth-Why,
you said you would have it done if you
worked all night. Tailor-Yes, but L
didn't work all night.
Miss Ritta-Aren.t you fond of dialect
poetry, Mr.. Drestbeeph? Mr.. Drestbeeph |
(of the Chicago Browning Society," |
Well, James Whitcomb Riley and Eugene |
Field do very we'll; but l came across
some poems by a fellow named Chaacer |
the other day, and he carries it too far. :"