The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-10-31

The man who tries to crafty a
champagne appetite with a beer in
come will never make home happy-as
long as he ives.-Detrot Tribune.
-''Who do you think is our
greatest American playwright?n Ever
dier-''The greatest American play
rightp Why, going out between acts"
Time.
They talk about the inferiority of the
sex, but we notice it is the bone of the
goose that is credited with wisdom and
not the bone of the gander.-Atchison
Globe.
The good man does is buried with
him. but it is unpleasantly suggested
that no allowance is made for this fact
in measuring the grave.-Battlnaore
american.
Cantwaite-''S Say, do you remember
that S. bill | loaned you?n Owen Long
=" Remember it, sir; | never forget a
favor like that. You haven't got an
other about you, have you?"-Epoch.
DO YOU remember how ten years
ago in this very place you offered your
self to me?n 20, yes; and you re-
fused me-" Il have been reconsidering
the matter 80 have I.n-FlegcnGe
BIatter.
PA, what's the difference tween a
cutter and a filter the signs tell about?"
Same thing. my son. My BARRIERS is
such a beastly cutter that he's filter to
adorn a slaughter house. "-DetroH Free
Press.
First Dame = ''Do you ever 60
through your husbands pockets in the
morning?' Second Dame - Huh!
Catch me waiting until morning. l
90 through them before he goes out in
the evening.-N. I. Weekly.
A timepiece once submerged in wa
ter is generally irreparably injured by
its bath. This accounts for the fact
that most people who soak their watches
live fast or are slow in meeting their
engagements Weekly.
Visitor-''Y don't mean to say that
you do sewing Sunday? How can you
do such a thing?" Lady of the house
20! but, you know, | always sit at
the back window" Visitor-''O, we'll
that's different thing, of course
Boston Transcript.
Old Moneybags Con whose daughter
Sprigs is sweeD-''You young rascal,
what did you mean by telling people
that | was an old pirate?" Sprigs (who
ought to know)-'I-I didn't sir. !
only said that YOU were a freebooter,
and can prove that. ~. 7. SIN.
Pompous English Author-''My am
bition, sir, is to be buried in Westmin-
ster abbey, beside the great men OF
England's past American Person
Indeed, Mine is to remain alive and
kicking among the ordinary men of
Americas present. "-L03CeU Citizen.
Mrs. Wickwire-"If woman were
given the credit she deserves | don't
think man would be quite so promi-
nent i'll the worlds history" Mr.
Wickwire-'I guess You are right. If
she could get all the credit she wanted
he'd be in the poorhouse." = T61re
Haute ETpreSs.
Byron Tyck-'.Well. Mr.. Fulton,
guess I'll let you send me some coal
again this season. The last was very
satisfactory, especially in the matter of
weight" Fulton = HIM. yes: how
will c. o. d, suit you? The wait was
MT very satisfactory to me the last
time. Time.
did it ever strike YOU that dancing
is sinful?" inquired young DR.. Gauche
of an accomplished young society wo-
man. Well" she responded, re-
proachful look in her eyes, '.when | no.
tlce the way that some people dance, it
does strike me good deal that wav.n
-Hdsbington Copital
Matron-'I suppose you find Your
husband as selfish as most men,
Brlde-'.No, indeed. | often heard
that man gobbled up all the nice
things on the table, but | must say that
my husband leaves nearly all the pies
make for me to eat myself. He's dread
full kind to me. "-Epoch
Judge-'Why don't YOU work. pris-
oner? Have you no trade?" Vaga-
bond-"I have profession, your hon
or, but there is very little for me to do
Just now. | am spring poet Judge
All right. A six months sentence
will let you ont at just about the right
time. "-Ierre Haute cypress.
The Woman's Cycle is the title of
a new publication. Nobody has sue
ceeded in ascertaining precisely how
long a cycle is supposed to be. but it is
the first time the ungallant suspicion
has arisen that there are women in the
United States old enough to discourse
advisedly on the subject. = Washington
Capital
Edith-'I wish Iwere small orange
dealer" Alphonse-"Why should a
lovely orange blossom desire to become
a mere plebeian trader?" Edith-"Be-
cause hear of trust which is to be
formed with the avowed intention of
squeezing the small dealersm AL
phonse constituted himself a trust
". Y. Herald
New 1 ork' 5 sacred concerts, Strang-
er-'.Whats going on here this eve
ming? Praper meeting?n Doorkeeper
is a sacred concert Stranger
sort of show?n Doorkeeper
finest sacred snap in town.
lou better come in. Snagg Brothers.
the great speciality team, are Just be-
ginning their breakneck song and
dance. '-4merica.
Sweet Girl-''O, this is so sudden.
You must give me time to reflect-a
week at least Fond Lover-"Cer-
tainly. Even if You should accept to-
night it would take about a week to
get an engagement ring made Sweet
Girl 'Um-perhaps you had better
take the measure OF my finger now.
George. n-N. T. Weekly.
Bessie" Madge was out watkins
with Charlie and they had quarrel.
Charlie gave her shove and she fell
into the lake. Everybody saws she
wonld have been drowned if George
hadn't been there and saved her. She
is going to be married next week"
j ennie-''To George" Bessie-"No.
to Charlie. "-Earper's Ba.ar.