The Helena independent., 1889-06-02
A FEW POINTS OF ETIQUETTE.
Advice Easy to Remember aud Practice in
An Emerrency.

Advice Easy to Remember aud Practice in
an Emergency.
Rochester Union: In the mad whirl of
the cotillOn, if you wear ready-made elotk
ing bought from an irresponsible dealer,
and hear a b-z-z-t that don't harmonic
with the f string of the bass fiddle, il is
entirely correct and proper to not forward
and back" according to the comm mands of
the tgure-caller, but TO back straight
ahead without baking until you reach the
wall, when a pin neatly utilized may
cover your embarrassment and retreat
People who snicker under such circum-
stances should be put outside the pale of
good society.
When invited out to dinner and you in
advertently get huge mouthful of mince
pie that Is hot enough to melt the solder on
q gas pipe, tangled up in your epiylottis,
do not act as If you had the whOoping
cough, but arise camly and with a sleight-
of-hand movement toss the offending NOR
sci behind the majolica dog in the corner,
meantime patting his head as though you
thought him alive. This graceful act never
fails TO win the heart of your hostess, who
thinks you intend her faithful friend to
partake of the festivities.
Some writer on etiquette, a good many
years ago, said that IL was perfectly pro-
per TO eat fried chicken with the fingers.
have often noticed people seize on a wing
and rip it open like they would tear a yard
of clothing material OF bolt OF calico aud
so the cracking of the crazy bone was
audible all over the dining room. Ii is true
that some fried chickens require heroic
treatment, but when an apprentice in eti-
quette tries 70 jerk the goose flesh off the
second Joint of a Louis XIV. hen and
squirts a streak of gravy into the eye of his
neighbor il does seem that a new code re-
garding the best manner OF ehattering the
remains of a hard-boiled fowl should be in
trOduced.
When the sheriff of the county serves a
subpoena on you, IL is considered in good
taste to attend his reception without fur
ther invitation on his part Some sticklers
on pOliteness, however, who find that il
will prevent their witnessing bail game,
go to the extreme of sending around ply
sician's certificate to the effect that they
are indisposed from the influence of the
sportive elements.
Don't use snuff If your false teeth are not
strictly adhesive L once heard of case in
which this rule was not observed, when the
transgressor. in a thOughtless moment
nearly knocked the eye out of a twenty
five-dollar King Charles spaniel.
No one but Ooor Will snore in the VIOLA
puk language in a church where n sermon
is being delivered in English. Observance
of the harmon1es Is one OF the greatest
traits of the true gentleman. People who
have enlarged, ROmanesque nasal chords
will be interested in an invention which a
friend of mine is getting up, which he
calls the 'tSure Snore Killer" lt is pho
netic arrangement connected with pillow
sham holder, and when the air vibrations
are four lines below the clef, to use mus
ical term, the holder drops and hits the
sleeper across the bridge of the nose. -Four
caveats and a number Of legal retainers
have already been filed.
Don't play practical jokes on a spitZ dog
whose tail is done up like the letter q.
When you order meat from your butcher
don't use the term "limb of mutton" He
will think that you never intend paying for
il.
In all cases Of doubt about the minor
points of etiquette a strong bluff on weak
hand Will almost always win.