The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1889-05-22
WHY DOESHE WANT THEM?
TILE STRANGE NOTICE PUBLISHED
BY "YENTURE', EVERY DAT.
He Advertises for One-Legged and One
Armed Men, and No One Knows What

He Advertises for One-Legged and One
Armed Men, and No One Knows What
for.
/ have been looking for several years for
some kind of employment where it will
be possible, without previous experience
in the business, where it will not be neces-
sary to be quick and accurate at figures,
and where need not reside with my par
ents or furnish the best of city references,
to earn enough money to keep me in
cigarettes without borrowing from my
best girl
In this quest / have carefully read the
advertising columns of the several great
newspapers, but never found anything
that looked really inviting until discov-
cred the following advertisement in THE
JERSEY CRY NEWS, under the head of
Help Wanted. Male":-
VTANTED-AcTIvE HEALTHY, ONE ARMED
w orone legged young men, for novel remunef.
ative occupation. address, giving particulars Of
missing member, VENTURE, Jersey City News
| hastened to write to Venture, who
keeps his notice in every day, but have, rs
yet, received no reply. 1t maybe that
Venture thought it would do him-or her
no good to open negotiations with any
body in my condition, for / plainly said in
my letter that had complete pair of
legs, remarkably long legs at that, and an
unbroken set of arms don't know what
his reason was, but do know that can
do anything that any man with less than
the ordinary complement of arms and legs
can do, and some things besides.
WHAT THE ONE LEGGED CLUB THINKS.
Ibelong to club of One-legged men. It
is called 1.-THE Society of Dot and Go One, "
and we are wonderfully interested in the
question of what Venture can possibly
want to do with any man who cannot
wear pair of trousers. | suggested at
last evenings meeting of the club that it
is barely possible that Venture has dis
covered some wonderful medicine that
will cause long lost members to grow
again, like Holsters claws, but this was
not deemed reasonable.
My excuse for belonging to this club,
by the by, is that have policy in the
Accident Insurance Company, and If
lose leg or an arm l Shall win 25oO.
Now, / don't want to lose an arm, SO can
see no easier way Of attaining an uncom-
Portable competence than to lose leg,
and | want to know what shall do when
/ am dismembered. so | have associated
myself with these men who have grown
so accustomed to going about with one leg
that another would be serious encum-
brance.
One of these fortunate men-fortunate
in having only one set of toes to freeze in
winter, or to grow corns on in summer
said that he belived that Venture" was
probably base ball crank, and that he
would himself like to join club of one
legged ball tossers to play against one
armed men.
Another theory advanced, and that
seems to me to be quite within the bounds
of reason, was that Venture is anxious to
buy the amputated legs and arms of those
who have no further use for them. 1t is
quite plain to the stupidest understand
ing that such a collection would be in
fnitely more interesting than so many
pictures taken from so many boxes of
cigarettes, or even than so many postage
stamps This would be especially true If
each relic were ticketed with label giving
all the particulars of how it came to leave
its former associate. Such collection of
handsomely polished tibi@, ,fibulB, ulr@ and
radie, perhaps mounted in gold or silver,
would be an ornament to any mans house.
The only objection would be that it would
take up great deal of room.
HE MAY WANT TO SELL FALSE LEGS.
In the course of last nights meeting
there came letter from the Armless As
sociation, asking whether our society had
communicated with Venture, and sug-
gesting that very possibly the advertiser
wanted to introduce some new kind of
artificial arms and legs, and merely asked
those who have been shorn of their super
fiuous limbs to write to him in order to
gain access to their private ears.
| Immediately telegraphed to the
Patents Office, in Washington, asking for
information, and found that no new Kind
of fake legs or arms had been patented
for some time. This spoiled that last
theory, and we were all at sea again.
AS it is, 1 have not heard from Venture,
atxottjnn with the rtf
anxiety the accident which will at the
same time net me $500 and disclose to
me the secret buried beneath that adver-
tisement.