The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-03-28
WIT AND HUMOR.
A domestic drammer-the growler.
-IeFre HIatte ErDreSS

n uOIuCSllC urdu1IU0r--bu6 SEOWloHs
-Terre Hdute EGpress.
Our relations with Bismarck just
now seem to be cussin' German.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
A musical journal says that America
needs a National air. Does, ehP What's
the matter with the blizzard?-The
Wasp.
Mr.. S.-Shall we call on the Wether-
bees tonight, my dear? Mrs. S.-No;
/ have nothing to wear. Mr.. SO,
then we'll go to the opera.-Lye.
The cook is apt to admire and fire.
quently weds the handsome policeman
on her beat The peeler is of great
use to the cook in apple and potato
times.-Net0 York San.
Mother = Bobby, you shouldn't
speak so Grossly to yonr father. You
never hear him speak GROSSLY to me.
Bobby-He dassent, ma; he's just like
me, he dassent.-Epoch.
Young Mrs. Bynthere-Let's go in
here for coffee and oysters. Young
MIR. Bynthere-But it's half-past 4, and
you said we had cards. Mrs. Bynthere
Yes, for 5 o'clock tea.-Isnre.
Sixteen young ladies in Lowell have
formed whist club and meet weekly
for practice. 1t is said that the neigh
bors can hear them play whist three
blocks away.--SOnaerCtlte Journal.
Wife-s'Wherc are you going, John?
It's getting late" Husband (who has
been reading a patent-medicine al
manac)-"rm going to see doctor if
live to find one."-Harper's BazGr.
ssThe saddest words are often the
sweetest" murmured De Boor. s'The
lovers goodnight, for instance"
..Ycs," sighed Miss Weary, 81 always
like to hear you say it."-Harper's b.
gar.
You cannot always tell the size of a
mans pocketbook by the style his
wife gets herself up in. A woman
with low-cut dress may have hus-
band with low-cut salary.-Tonkers
Statesman.
Lady (o applicant for coachmam-
ssAre you an Englishman?n sAppli-
cant-ssNo, mum. was born in Ire
land. but I've lived SO long in Ameriky
that s,pose do seem quite English,
YOU know. y Hdrpcr'S Bazdr.
Mrs. Postlewait = Did you notice
whether the Hastingses had much bric-
a-brac in their new house? Mrs. All
leys-Tney haven't much--but wait
minute--yes, l did see a snow shovel
in their ccllarway.-Judgc.
Wife--Isn't this strange? The paper
says North Penn locomotive engineer
left his house 10 be shaved "a month
ago and has not been seen since. Hus-
band (absently)-Um! waiting for his
turn, probably Philadelphia Record
New bride (who does the cooking,
starts up in bed at Il. m. Wake up,
Charley. What is the matterP Why
do you groan so terribly in your sleepP
Charley (half awake)-I was dream
ing, darling, of to-morrow's breakfast!
Lies.
Mrs. Browns new ball dress has
come home. Mr.. Brown-It is pretty
dress, dear, but l shouldn't think it
was so heavy that you would need sus-
penders to hold the skirt up. Mrs. B.
-Suspenders, love! Why, that is the
waist!-Lies.
MIR. Splurge-If you will let me
have that diamond crescent on memo
randum this evening | think may eff
feet a sale. Jeweler (asitse to clerk)-
\ SCC HIS WiAC 10 SuiHS W luC Lieu6rS-
wing ball tonight. Tell him it is sold.
-Jea0elers' Weekly.
Miss Uppercrust (out shopping)-
What a beautiful woman! Mrs. Up
percrust-Yes, but she doesn't amount
to anything-moves in some vulgar set
or other. | just heard her ask the
price of bonnet before trying it on.
Philadelphia Record.
st. Peter--''You were good little
boy on earth, and now you enter to
your reward" Boy Spirit-"Can l
have tin horn and drum and a
horse fiddler" 80, no, but you can
have harp and a crown. al wish
I'd been bad. ."-NeoO York Weekly.
''My DEAR" said fashionable young
wife from the head of the stairs. '.have
you seen anything of my white kid |
slippers? l have searched everywhere
for them." did you look in the bedp
You came in late last night and l
think you forgot to take them off,
Epoch.
Mrs. Winks-The paper says cold |
wave has developed in Montana and |
IS expected here within week. Mr..
Winks-Well, send word to the plumb
er that our pipes have burst, and then
he and the cold wave will get here
about the same time. - NesO York
Weekly.
Smith Ito his companion) Love
(hic)ly weather we're havin', OF fell
(hic). Brown-Fine as silk; but (hic)
i see the storm signal is up. Smith
Storm (hic) signal; where? Brown
Right up (hic) there; that light in m
wife's bedroom. Lecture sure Walt
ham Revietc.
In Boston: Mrs. Berkeley-Have
you seen those new prayer rugs at
Pherr'sp Mrs. Claundose-Yes Aren't
they IovelyP But do you know that
since the Concord school has made the
occult so popular Pm getting to pre-
fer my tiger mat for supplicative pur-
poses?-Ttne.
A poet in the Home Journal sings
thus: "What are you to me, my darl-
ing? A shelter from the rain" When
poesy renders a man unable to tell the
difference between a girl and an UNI
brella, it is time that poets were re-
luired to take out a high-priced license.
Bulletin.
''What wonderful painter Rubens
was!' remarked Merritt at the art gal
cry. YES" asserted Cora, sit is
said of him that he could change a
laughing face into a sad one by
single stroke" Why" spoke up little
Johnnie IN disgust, "my school teacher
,an do that. ."-Harper;s Bazur.
Friend Ito Kentucky ColoneD-I !
lear, Colonel, that you and Major
were taken down with 1
he jim-jams together, sir, the other
light. Colonel Noftily) = No, sir,
here was not enough liquor between
IS for that. ] had the jims and he had
he jams, but, sir, we couldn't COM
Wife (to her husband, a physician)
Ibid you stop at the Vancouver bali
o-night, WilliamP" Physician-"For
! few minutes, my dear" Wife
Did it seem to be successful affairp"
,hysician-"O, yes. While 1 was
here young lady fell in fainting
- T l.