Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-11

THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BIZ THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Song of the Mosquito-The Tramp's
TroubIe-An Unreasonable Lover
The Juvenile Match-Breaker, Etc.
Some go to the mountains,
And some to the sea,
And some stay at home
Meath their own fig tree!
And Pm mosquito,
So happy and free,
With nothing to do.
But to do them all three
And you bet
/ win.
Washington Critic.
THE TRAMP's TROUBLE.
Crimple Ito tramp)-''My friend, you
look as if you were in the soup"
Tramp-''That amt what worries me,
guv'nor; the trouble is how ter git some
soup inter me. Time.
AN UNREASONABLE LOVER.
81 could sit here by the hour to hear
what the wild waves are saying"
miranda, it would be plagued sight
more encouraging to me if you listened
to what I'm saying. ."-Bpoch.
THE JUVENILE MATCH-BREAKER.
Daisy-'Mr. Poseyboy, do you live
next to farm4"
Mr.. Poseyboy-"No, little one, I live
here in the city. Why do you ask2" .
Daisy-''Because mamma said you
were next door to calf. Burlington
Free Press.
THE HEADsHAKE OF IGNORANCE.
"What ails your husband, Mrs.
Bailey ?"
Nothing, much, l guess"
"What makes you think that 2"
"Well, young DR.. Squeers called
yesterday, saw Mr.. Bailey, shook his head,
and left"
BLOOD WILL TELL.
Phyllis (sotto voce)-"Why don't you
acknowledge his courtly salutation, Do
rothy9 Is it because his father was in
:soap9'
Dorothy Gn whispered warmth) )-"Yes,
my family traditions are against cultivat-
ing such an acquaintance.
Phyllis (soothingly)-''Pardon me,
dearest, did not mean to wound you.
But were all your ancestors tramps!'-
Munseys Weekly.
BOUND TO KILL THEM SOMEHOW.
"Mary," said the sick man feebly,
'those yowling cats annoy me terribly,
can't they be reached by shot gun or
something of that kind ~
"No," replied his wife; "they are on
the fiat roof of the adjoining house."
''Mary," exclaimed the invalid again,
after pause, and his face grew hard and
pitiless-"'throw some Of those medicines
up on the roof!'-Ch Chicago Tribune.
KNEW THE SYMPTOMS.
Wife-''Cyrus, I am sure young
.Spoonamore is becoming serious in his at
tentions to our Susie.
Husband-tNo What makes
you think so2"
''He wears new necktie every time
he comes"
''Do you think Susie cares anything
for him?" ...
'Tknow she does. She hasn't eaten an
onion this year"
NOT ALL HER FAULT.
sMaria," demanded Mr.. Billus, with
much severity, "do you mean to tell me
you paid so cents for that lot of worth
less auction trumpery9 Are you ever
going to learn the value of money!"
elbow can you expect me to learn
anything about it, John, when I have
only S1.50 a week to practise on?" re.
piled Mrs. Billus, sweetly, and John stole
softly out into the woodshed and kicked
himself - Chicago Tribune.
HUMANITY TRIUMPHANT.
III would like to rent the large room
Ion the second floor of your livery stable
for the purpose of instructing brass
band just organizing"
."As the proprietor of the stable ]
should be glad to let you have the room,
sir, but as member of the Society fol-
the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals it is
my duty to tell you that if you don't
get out of here in just ten seconds by
the watch 1 will have you kicked out
you heartless wretch !"- Chicago Tribune.
SPEAKING LITERALLY.
Miss Breezy Ito Prof. X, of the Natu
raj History Muzeum) m)-tDo you not think
Prof. x, that Miss Smith, at the piano
there, is beautiful girl?"
Prof. X-"Er-yes, indeed, Miss
Breezy, she is exceedingly lovely"
Miss Breezy-"I have always contend