Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1889-10-26
n ADVANCE
VARIETIES.
Good limbs never gambol.

Az "Oulu-oo iOSueS-heep 10
the right
That the man who never marries is
to be pitied.
The language Of the suspender is
supposed to be: Brace up p'
The sympathy of sorrow is stronger
than the sympathy Of prosperity.
If all fools wore white caps mankind
would appear like flock of geese.
A rural-inventor has patented pad
ded gate-top to facilitate courtship.
VIM. Penn also remarked that it was
Just as easy to love rich girl as a poor
one.
The beam Of the benevolent eve
giveth value to the bounty which the
hand disperses.
A grocer advertises in the following
terse manner; "Hams and cigars;
smoked and unsmoked."
A new song is entitled Between
the Green Corn and Gold" 1t should
be sung in husky voice
William Tell once asked a pretty
Swiss maiden for a kiss. She replied
"Yes, kiss, but never tell.'
Brass is more priced in Africa than
gold, A Chicago drummer would
bring $3.50 by dead weight.
We often think ourselves to be full
Of philosophy when we are simply hap
ply over our food and drink.
The compositor who made it read,
ON the midst Of life we are in debt"
wasn't 50 much out of the way.
The young man who has any pru-
dence about him will write his love-
letters in cypher and forget the key.
John Walnut, of Troy, fell a dis
lance Of fifty-three feet and got up and
walked home. They were always hara
nuts to crack.
1t may be right occasionally to take
a bull by the horns, but it is always
we'll to bear in mind that the horns
belong to the bull.
We never knew but one man who
had absolute faith in humanity and he
advertised for a lost umbrella in his
local paper last week.
81 have come to the conclusion" said
Brown, chat the less a man knows
the happier he is "Allow me to con-
graduate, Brown said Fogg.
A bridge over stream in Illinois
bears the legend Drive over as fast
as you want to and be burned p
Everybody therefore drives at walk,
The late William Penn once observ-
ed Excess in apparel is a costly fol-
ly." And yet William wore hat
with an excess of brim that was a sheer
waste Of material
When humble bee accidentally
lodges between your shirt collar and
your person don't agitate him. Let
him pursue his observations undis-
turbed. Its much the best plan.
An old bachelor who particularly
hated literary women asked an author
ess if she could throw any light on
kissing. Il COULD" she said, looking
up archly at him, 81 think it's better
in the dark.
We are told that man, in walking a
mile, lifts weight equal to from
thirteen to fifteen tons" And now it
is in order for mean St. Louis para
grapher to add that Chicago girl has
only to make two steps to lift an equal
weight
A negro woman living in Meridian,
Miss, has given birth in thirteen years
to fourteen children, six pair of them
being twins The father of these
children, who is sixty-four years of age,
is the father of thirty-seven living
children.
A school teacher asked "What bird
is large enough to carry off man ?"
Nobody knew; but one little girl sug-
gested "a lark" And then she ex-
claimed, Mamma said papa wouldn't
be home until Monday, because he
had gone off on lark"
A young wife demonstrated with her
husband. a dissipated spendthrift, for
his conduct. Love-" said he, 81 am
like the prodigal son Z; I shall reform
by and by" 81 will be like the prodi-
gal son, too" she replied, ''for I will
arise and go to my father"
A nurse was telling about a man
who had become so terrible worn out
by dissipation that he could not keep
any food on his stomach, when one of
her listeners asked "What does he
live on them "On his relations,
ma am" answered the nurse.
An agent who had sold a Dutchman
a bill of goods was to deliver them at
his residence The German gave him
the following directions You shoost
goes behint de schurch den you turns
up 1Or a we I'LL you come 10 Won
house NIT big hog in de yard Dots
me- You forstein."
A young man who is great talker,
was struggling terribly to raise a mus
tache. His girl said to him one even
ing "J--do you know why you
cannot raise a mustache?" "No," he
said. Because you don't give your
mouth enough rest" And now they
don't speak TO each other.
A teacher in the public school at
Centralia confscated a small metal box
which a pupil was playing with in
school hours and, thinking it contain
ed chewing gum, tried to break it open
with hammer 1t was a dynamite