The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1889-08-19
.WOMAN'S FUNNY WORK.
Three Women in His Family Made Some
Trifing Alterations in the Garment
with Remarkable Results-Feminine


Fancies.
The st. Louis Republic tells a story
which admirably illustrates the power
OF m to achieve deplorable alb
surdities in the goodness of her heart.
The story concerns Bill M. a
printer well known in st. Louis. A
man of ponderous girth, but OF
medium height, he finds it rather diff
cult to procure trousers Of the right
dimensions when not made to order.
This fact has given rise to no little
annoyance in his life, and it has often
caused him days of hesitation before
venturing forth in quest of a new pair
to replace the old ones. Recently, how
ever, his trousers, which had seen long
and constant use, began to display the
effects of the relentless tooth of time,
and his good wife chided him upon
his appearance. Stung by her re-
marks Bill sought a store devoted to
the sale of clothing and purchased for
himself a pair of trousers.
After assiduous search a pair was
found of sufficient expanse of waist
band to accommodate his vast
rotundity, but, unfortunately, the
length was a good six inches greater
than desired. 1t was the best that he
could do, however, and, thinking to
have his wife remedy the defect, as
only a woman can, he bore them
proudly home. The wrapper was re-
moved and the purchased displayed
Bill explaining the trouble and asking
his wife to alter them in time for him
to veal them on the following day.
To this proposition the wife for
some reason demurred and fatty re-
fused to comply with his request.
Sore at heart, Bill went quietly to
bed, leaving the trousers hanging by
the head of his bed.
He fell to sleep and dreamed of the
ridiculous figure he would present
when arrayed in a pair of pantatoons
of such extravaganza length, but in the
midst of his slumbers his mother-in-
lava generous, kindly soul-took
compassion upon him, and slipping
into the room, removed the garment.
In a few moments, with the aid of a
pair of scissors and a needle and
thread, the surplus cloth had been re-
moved. Quietly she restored them to
their place, thinking Ito surprise him
when he awoke. Scarcely had she
gone when her sister-in-law, who had
heard the wife's refusal, and who
knew nothing of her mother
in-law's action, went quietly to
the room, secured the trousers,
and removed the requisite six
inches. Bills wife, on going to bed.
noticed the trousers hanging in the
room, and feeling that she had per-
haps been a little arbitrary, took them
quietly down, and in another moment
another six inches had been taken
from their length. The work accom-
plished she restored them to the hook
and went to bed.
Bill awoke betimes and donned his
new trousers. He arose, glanced at
his neither limbs, and a look of horror
and despair crept over his face. In
stead of being too long, as he had an
ticipated, they scarcely fell below his
knee. Excitedly he called his wife
and called her attention to the strange
transformation. Inquiries were insti-
tuted in the household, and mutual
explanations followed.
Why He Did Not Marry.
A well known citizen of Lincoln,
Neb., who, although approaching the
sere and yellow leaf, is a bachelor, and
who promises to remain in the same
uncomfortable ~predicament until his
poor, lisping, ~stammering tongue is
silent in the grave, gave a brief ex-
PLANTATION Of his celibaey to a small
but select audience recently.
81 have always had the most intense
admiration for women,n he said; al
admiration that age could not wither
nor custom stale, and that is why |
am going it alone. | am afraid that
if / were to marry | wonld follow the
track trodden by SO many admirers of
women and eventually be known
as a household tyrant, and perhaps
worse. AS 1t is | have the most
infinite contempt for a man who does
not love and cherish his wife until the
cows come home, but if | were to lead
a blushing bride to the altar how do |
know that | wouldn't be sued for
divorce in a year or two for cruelty
and neglect, Human nature is as weak
as water and no man knows himself. |
have seen bridegrooms manifesting
an affection for their young wives
that was simply seraphic and a few
months later | have seen the wives
splitting wood in the back yard while
the husbands sat on the porch play
ing high five with the neighbors.
My adherence for those husbands
vas beyond expression, and ! would
not be hated by others so intensely
for a ducal coronet. So rather than
trust myself as a star husband | will
continue to admire women from a dis
lance, and make preparations for a
rather lonely career in the sunset of
life. Better to be somewhat blue
yourself now and then, than to make
the life of another a long stretch of
misery There are some strange
philosophers in the world.-Ne6rdskG
State Journal.
Summering OF Key West.
Miss Eleanor Shepard, niece of
Elliott Shepard, who is staying at the
Avon Inn, is one of the favorites here
and a pretty young woman. She has
many beautiful toilettes with her.
Marshall p, Wilder gave an enter
tainment here during the week.
Mrs Happv RaSta is ono of tha