Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-09-20
HUM0R.
HuERs of Wood-Hous,. +,

hohSs OF "ood-Hoase painter,
A DARK Secret-a kiss in tho
HE fayorite string instruuan+ le'
Discriminating beans. N' "
IT is not the face of a check wis.,,
admire so much as its figures 'u We
The scissors-grinder is the OWL
who invariably finds things dull naa
WHEN the Father Of his conn.
married was Martha warrant, got
Wash? ''eo TO
PAr1ES7-Doctor, how do Won 49,
nounce apoplexy? Doctor-Wsu pro-
ally fatal. 0so'
FALSE won't" cried the youn, -,
who bet that his girls teeth Won '1aa
own and lost. nef
JoHS-You look down in the mont,
old fellow; what's the matters Jos,
Down in the pocket.
WHEN pa gets to burning natural ~,
in the parlor, she will have to ho vs o.
icautious with her flame.
IKE near-sighted hen that swallow,
a bee was not long in CONCLUDING tbs.
hers was a peck of trouble. '
How is it you have so few deotbs
your hands, doctor?" "Tbaps ~.
enough. When I find I have q w.,
case 1 order the patient to take tr;s
abroad.
A sEw1SG-MAcH1NE agent falling Il,
was told by his physician that he mns.
prepare to pay the debt of nature .on
the installment plan?" WHISPERED ~,
agent feebly.
HUBBY-What kind of stuff do 70,
call this? Wife-Why, my dear, that
is angel cake. Hubby-Umph! | sur.
pose it must lie. / know it was new,
meant for mortal.
PosEYBoY (sneeringly)-So you bava
gone and got engaged to that old Dollar.
grab? [ suppose he Is worth milioD9
Miss de Smith (contemptuously)-Ye
of such as you are.
THERE are 100000 models in tbe
United States Patent Office, ILLUSTRATIVE
almost every conceivable phase Of hp.
man ingenuity, but the model husband
yet remains to be invented.
"BUFFALo! Buffalc!" shouted TN.
brakeman looking in the car door as the
train reached that city. "Hy, by Jovs'
exclaimed the excited tourist, "NIy gun
is in the luggage-room, you know!
AT the Club-Old Muggins (wlo has
married a young beauty, and has not
yet tired of boasting about it)-Diduu
ever see my wife, Buggins? Young
Buggins-Lord, yes! I'm engaged 10
her-when you die.
Rev. PR1MRosE-You're a good boz
my little fellow. I saw you take the Ay
out of the basin of water. Such LITTLE
acts of humanity never escape my at
tention. Little johnnie did it 81
that 1 could pull his legs out.
INoUIHING Youth-What are those
waterproof gloves for, Mr.. O'Pattck'
Mr.. O'Patrick-Why, me jewel, sure
and they're for the convenience of thin
folks as wants to wash their hands with
out wetting their skin at all, at all!
SUNDAY-School Teacler-Are there
any questions that the class would like
to ask? Little Tommy Tuttle-Wla:
kind of lights did they have in the ark
at night? Little Johnny Sawhorse-l
know, teacher. They was arc-lights.
ALIVE YANKEE" being awakenell!
the captain of Mississippi River steam
boat with the announcement that ha
mustn't occupy his berth with lis boots
on" replied: ooh! the bugs Won
hurt 'em much, I guess; they areaa Old
palr."
The Rev. Primrose dear sir, ,yo1
should give up publishing your paps
on Sunday. A man shouldn't ALLOW
himself to be hired by the devil in tia
way. Editor-Tut, tut, sir; you don
know what you are talking about ln
the man who hires the devil.
A GENTLEMAN who had lost his nos
was invited out to tea. "My dear, sail
the kind-hearted lady of the houses
her little daughter, Il want you toO
very careful to make no remark abou
Mr.. Jenkins nose" Gathered aroan9
the table, everything was going wen
The child peeped about, looked rafns
puzzled for long time, and at IA,
startled the table with: Ma, why a1
you tell me to say nothing about W
Jenkins nose? He hasn't got any.
THEY YE4RN FOR EACH OTHER
How easily the experienced eye
the hotel clerk detects the secret OF
bridal couple. Generally the unf0'u
mates are spotted" by their actions
is the expression of the faces as 'Ns
walk side by side, OF are whirled s"'
on railroad train, that gives 'lf'
away. She smiles sweetly on heF ~