Omaha daily bee., 1889-06-16
lRVINC'S TRIPE AND ONIONS.
A Bit of Realism Not Seen on the
Stage.
DIR. rALMAeE AND HIS BANJO
How tho Great Preacher Entertained
aReportcr who Called on Him
Greeley aud the Farmer
Goodness In Danger.
Current Anecdotes.

| Current Anecdotes,
| Congressman Houk, OF Tennessee, is
wearing new suit Of clothes, says n
| Washington correspondent of the New
York Tribune. The more statement Of
this fact will not, probably, strike the
people who have not the pleasure Of
Judge Houk's acquaintance as one of
much importance or significance. But
Houk's everyday friends know better,
! and unless they have seen him lately
they will hardly credit the-news. The
truth is that he is q man so careless in
: his attire and so Indifferent to his per-
sonal appearance that u single new OUT
ward garment is an event in Houk's life;
/ the donning of an entire new suit at
once marks an epoch. 1t came about in
this wise: The judge was walking in
Pennsylvania avenue recently with a
| couple of western friends. when he was
accosted by tramp whose raiment
might have been fashionable and new
on the day CT Jackson's first inaugural
tion.
"'Scuse me, may interrupt you for a
moment? Will you give me the price of
| q mealy"
Houk promptly repled: III am sorry,
boss, but can't help you. I've just
been trying to get the price of meal
from these gentlem en-. haven had a
mouthful of victuals to-day"
well, i say, pard, you look it," re-
| sponded the tramp, as he sidled up to
| the congressman and looked him over.
Here's a quarter; you are worse Off
than / am"
Judge Houk declined the protfered
charity. but he suddenly decided that if
his appearance was such AS to- excite
the commiseration and benevolence of
| a Washington tramp it was time for
| him to visit a tailor, and he lost no time
In doing so. don't vouch for this story,
but '.they say" that Houk tells it on
himself, and if so it's true, for the
| sturdy East Tennesseean is as truthful
as he is both wise and witty.
| An old duchess on one occasion re-
| quested DR.. Abern ethy to pay n profess
| sional visit to her house. The doctor
| went as requested and was introduced
| into the drawingroom, where the
| duchess, with tears in her eyes, showed
him an ugly little monkey, apparently
III great agony, lying on elegant cush-
| ions and almost buried in lovely laces.
| The doctor felt thoroughly disgusted at
| being called upon to act as a monkeys
doctor. He felt the monkeys pulse in
silence, examined it with attention and
| soon recognized the nature of it's ill
ness; then, perceiving the lady's grand
| son in corner of the drawing room
rolling abouton the carpet, he advanced
| toward the child, examined him also,
! felt his pulse, and, returning to the
| duchess, said to her in u grave manner:
| Madam, your two sons are suffering
from Indigestion, BY drinking tea and
living on plain diet they will soon re-
cover" And, bowing profoundly to the
stupetied duchess, the doctor retired,
avenged.
| "A descendant of General Artemas
Ward of revolutionary fame says:
"Many people thought the genial hu-
morist,. Artemns Ward, was a member
| OF our family. He was not. AS the as
sumption of the name OF the old general
annoyed us we spoke to the humorist
about it and he said: When took the
name / did not know the general and
| then, when told that he was one of the
revolutionary generals, he said: We'll,
| that's the first knew of it; youthful
education sadly neglected; but see here,
I'll do the best thing ! can for the old
hero. can't very well change my
| name now, but I'll put in in the
name Arte;nas and drop the a.
On the birthday of Napoleon Charles,
| son of Louis Napoleon and Charles, and
| n child whom the Emperor Napoleon
| meant to make his heir, he and his
| mother we're seated at q window in the
palace which opened upon tho grand
| avenue. A heavy shower had fallen,
and the nypnna was full pf nnnls of
water. A group of barefooted children
were out there in the water and playing
with little chip boats. The young
| prince, richly dressed, in splendid
| hall, and surrounded by his elegant and
| costly birthday presents, turned care
lessly away from his toys and watched
the children with eager interest.
$50 then, my son. said his mother,
''you are not grateful for your
presents
''Oh, yes" replied the young prince,
Shut am so used to toys. Look at those
little boys, mamma"
''Do you wish for money to give
| themY"
"Papa gave me enough this morn
ing
"Well, what ails you, my child? What
do you wantW
"Oh," said the young prince, hesitat-
lHBlyt huoW you WON V ioI Hic, Dub IL
could go out and play in those beauti-
full puddles, 1T would amuse me hun
dred times more than all my elegant
toys. oh, please let me go."
So the real enjoyments are not always
the most costly, and poor children en-
JOY liberties unknown to some rich
ones.
A desire to see more closely the man
who has given us such pleasure in ma
tural and excusable. So much may be
urged in excuse for the numbers that
often besiege the stage door OF the Ly-
ceum. says w. p. Firth in his autobi-
ography, their object being nearer
sight and peahaps word with the hero
or heroine OF the evening"
''Oh, Miss Terry, it is SO kindof you
to speak to us! We do admire you SO!
We have been waiting SO longl When
/ do you think Mr.. Irving is likely to
leave the theater?"
THAT is more than can say. don't
think he has begun his supper yet"
"Oh, do tell us what he has for sup
oas1 hill -