The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1889-11-07

W.
The only thing that beats good
wife is bad husband.
The cannibal is known by the COM
pany he eats.
Food which tramps don't relish
Cold shoulder.
Things are about even; ifyou are
boy, it is the wood-box, and if you
are a girl it is the dishes.
Better to pay the organ-grinder
two cents for music, ifyoumust have
it, than to owe for a grand piano.
No one realizes what Home, Sweet
Home" is until he hears it sung for
the fourteenth time in a boarding
house
"The government has announced
its intention of protecting whaIers.
The old~fashiOned school master can
come to the front again.
The dignity oflabor is all right,
but it is the dig night and day of Ia
Dor that many people complain of
Texas siftings.
Among the new Fall shades is the
"Antelope." 1t ought to be a fast
color, but Ananias himself would
hesitate to warrant it not to run.
Mrs Firebrand-George, | should
think you would have more SELF
respect than to call yourself such
names before your wife and children.
"Mrs. Willowly-"Have you order
ed your new dress yet??' Mrs. Gush-
ilgton-"Not vet. l am waiting to
see what Bridget is going to wear"
Dry Goods Reporter.
The young man who makes a ia
vorable impression upon a fair maid
en- is in an anomalous position.
That is to say, he has made hit
with a miss.
Mrs. Pancake to tramp: "Well,
what doyou want?"-Tramp: "Here,
mum, is der pie l stold' offyer winder
yesterday. May be two or three
tAe5h stickin' in it, but otherwise
faint hurt any,
In sending 5000 to the Treasury, a
Chicagoan wrote that it was to be
placed to "Uncle Sans kredit," a
queer message from a man whose
conscience was having good spell.
Brown-I know you wish q long
life. Now, how long would you like
to live? Jenkins-Well, l think |
would like to live until New York
raises the necessary funds for a
Worlds Fair, Thus, Iwould be sure
of a century at least.
Somebody claims to have discover
ed a substance that is three hundred
times as sweet as sugar 1t is not
known what that substance is, but
it is supposed to be about eighteen
years old and to have q fondness for
iCe-Cream.
"Well, WE'LL" mnsed the lovelorn
youth, "I'm in a fix. If | marry
Mabel, people will say that married
her for her money, and if | suddenly
give her up from conscientious mo-
tives, people will say she Tilted me
because am poor. l guess I'll brave
opinion and propose at once"
Tramp-Sir, won't you please help
a poor fellow who hasn't eaten any
thing for a week? Dysyeptic( wno
has dined unwiseiy. and is suffering
the consequence Help you? You
are better off than | am, for | don t
believe III want to eat anything for
the next month.
Mr.. Firebrand stumbling over q
footstool while trying to light the
gas)-Ow-woo! Gee whiz! Thunder
and dernation! Mrs. Firebrand-
What's the matter, dear? Mr.. Fire
brand forgetting he placed the
f0Otstool there himself-Some in
fernal imbecile and idiotic dolt put
the tootrest in the middle of the
room, right under the chandelier,
and l almost shattered my ankle,
bone against it.
A man VINO had taken some offens
at a neighbor who was a member oil
a Friends Meeting, began a series OF
annoyances and, encouraged by his
meek, NONRESIDENT course, finally
struck hard blow upon his cheek
and said: Now, carry out your
principles and turn the other
cheek He did so, and received a
a like blow upon that. He quietly
pulled off his coat and in the same
cool manner remarked: Friend, |
have now fulfilled the whole law, and
l am going to give thee an almighty
licking" and he did.