The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-11-13
HOW TODDLES PROPOSED.


bachelor.
"Time is flying he said. youth has
gone. have nothing to look forward
to but a miserable single life at board
ing house. Why have I never married.
1t is too late now
"Toddles! you in9" cried voice at the
door. 81 want to consult you"
"Come income in" replied Toddles,
and the door opened to admit tall gen
tleman, with head like the popular
portraits Of Shakespeare and beard
which he trimmed in the way best cal
culated to impress the likeness on all be-
holders.
He wore very snowy little smoking
jacket and cap to match, and carried
in his hand roll of manuscript and a
photographic pen. He looked what he
was--a literary man. His serials, which
were of the most romantic sort, were
read with avidity by all the young la
dies who subscribed for The Weekly
Gusher or who bought it at the stands or
stationers' stores or borrowed it of their
neighbors. His heroes were never more
than two and twenty; resembled, ac-
cording to description, the wax figures
with which hair dressers decorate their
windows; smoked constantly; rolled up
their eyes continually; and all possessed
silk night gowns and slept on silken pill
lows, and put rare perfumes on their
handkerchiefs and decorated their but
tonholes with hot house plants, and had
only to double their fists and shake them
at any other man in order to make him
fall as fiat as the walls of Jericho. In
fact, they were even mixtures Of the
Apollo Belvedere and the dandy of the
time of The Spectator, with some of the
stuff that goes to the making of the hero
of the modern prize ring. However,
the girls liked them, and many mar
ried dame sighed over the romances and
wished that her prosaic John was more
of that pattern.
"Good morning, Toddles, old fellowI'
said Mr.. Sparkle, genially. "Here !
am, coming for advice againl When
ever want genuine advice come to
you. You have literary taste. It's a
COMPOUNDED pity that you are rich, Tod
dles-eyou'h- have made your mark with
your pen else. Well, you'll advise meSp
81 shall be delighted, I'm sure" said
Toddles-"delightedl But you flatter
me-"
mot at all, responded Mr.. Sparkle.
breakfast is not ready yet; I'll just
read this to you, if you don't mind. I've
taken new departure in this sentative
introduced an old fellow"
"How old?" asked Toddles.
"Thirty," responded Sparkle almost
thirty"
SNOW, / call that young" said Toddles.
"Of course it is, in real life" said
Sparkle. "Forty is young, to all intents
and purposes. But literary age is very
different. 1t would blast an authors
reputation to make heroine out of her
teens or a hero out of his twenties. This
30-year-older is an old bachelor who has
long adored certain lady, and remains
unmarried for her sake. She is going
down into the vnle Of years-five-and-
twenty of 'em-a spinster for love of
him. Neither guesses the love of the
other-good point, eha''
very, bulQ 1OOuiebs
"Now, the question is" said Sparkle,
whether to unite them or to have her
confess her love for him beside his death
bed"
'The latteri'' cried Toddles, enthusi-
astically. "But have him recover after
all, and then marry EN-"
Sparkle started up and grasped Tod
dies hand.
"Magnifcentr' he said. "You always
have original IDEAS"
He sat down at Toddles' desk and be-
gan to lance his stylographic pen into
the air in furious manner highly sug-
gestive of delirium tremens. However,
Toddles was not alarmed; he knew that
he was only getting his pen into,work-
ing order.
"Ahp' he said, as drop of ink APP
peared at the point of the instrument,
"here we are at last~ He jotted down
a memorandum, and then wheeled
about. LET me read you this" he said;
II think you will like it. My hero is
MISUNDERSTANDING that he Is de-
claring his love-ahemlo and Mr.. Sparkle
pushed his smoking cap to the back of
his head, smoothed his Shakespearean
beard with his hand and began:
"Beloved one Nay, start not; long
have called thee SO In my SOUL
SIS he Quaker" inquired Mr.. Tod
dies.
"No, no; always use thee and thou
for strong love passages, replied Sparkle.
fSee?"
"Oh, yes," replied Toddles. "How
stupid of mel''
''Not at ALL" said Sparkle. "Let me
see: Beloved one Nay, start not; long
have called thee so in secret. Have not
my eyes revealed to thee the tale my
tongue refused to utter? Hast thou not
guessed that my heart lay at thy feet2
Nay, cruel one, thou turnest from me.
Should I ask thee to be mine scorn
would be my portion. And yet, how
IAN live without thee? Alasi alas!
alasr
"What do you think Of 1T"
cts very touching" said Toddles.
DO you know, / should like to confide in
you."
do 1t, do 1t, my dear, dear FRIEND,
aid Mr.. Sparkle.
Sparkle, has It ever come into your
mind that l have secret woe" said
roddles.
"well, 1t has" replied Sparkle. 1--WE
heard you groan."
"The woe" said Toddles, "is connected
with a lady"
81 thought So" said Sparkle. SIS she
"No, no." said Toddles, "no; but there
Is GOODNESS in her manner that has pre-
vented me FROM speaking. Ihave known
her twenty-five years-she Is about my
age-butI have never dared address her,
never SHALL"
"couragel' said Sparkle.