Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-14
FROM BONDAGE.
BY
E. B. CARPENTER.

! not 'My boys" he said, very quietly
''Marcus and Archer. Dead? both dead
! Marcus would have been IS years DID,"
He spoke calmly, musingly, and layinj
back the books, closed the drawer with
reverent touch, as one smoothes the sods o
grave.
oh, Justin" implored his wife, "wh,
could | not die? Why did not God let M
die? God knows thought never to hav,
been here again. If you had not married
me, Justinl was so weak and light-minded
L could not bear temptation; and was worI
down to hysterical weakness with the car
OF three little children. 1t was killing me
and my nature cried out for relief and es
cape. Sometimes tell myself cannot b
judged for what did in such helplessness
l was so unworthy; had lost all heart tc
struggle against our poverty. ] think you
did not know how selfish was, Justin; you
did not watch over me; you thought I wa'
happy with the children in my safe, shell
tered life. You did not know how selfish
woman could be. You never hao
eyes to see how wearied of it all. Wewert
so poor, Justinl 1t was such hard strug'
gle, and the people were harsh and sordid
and 1 was in bitterness toward them, fol
they did not respect me; and my life was
ohob up AZ pIlbOu Walls. Ou, IL hde bOIbuiS
was meant for something different You
did not know how hated the religious rou-
tine, and all the thankless work among those
people, TILL loathed my life. You married
me so young, Justin! 1 had never had any
thing l wanted. I had never known any
thing of life. had never been admired;
never had a brilliant hour There was moth
ing to do in that place but to be good. No
bodyt to appreciate me, to feel my value, and
to understand me-my sole society was
made up of Doors and crones.
You could go out and work among the
children and the sick people, and the poor,
because you had me to come home to, and
you loved me, and found in me all the
brightness that you craved in your life.
Your father gave you a soldiers training,
and duty was always your word. 1 was
heartless; duty did not satisfy me. needed
so much to make me happyl 1 wanted
gayety and emotion in my life."
She hurried her words, raising her head
and feverishly pushing back her hair.
NO, you are generous to tell me to spare
myself; but l will go on to the end. will
confess all. When he came to us as the
friend of your old army days, 1 was even
then estranged from you, and as his infu-
enee grew 1 began to chafe against my lot
because you had not chosen the life of a
man of the world. 1 was out of sympathy
with your way of life. Nothing in me re-
sponded to you. In strong natures, per-
haps, il is long way from discomfort to sin,
but was weak and ready to be wicked 1
knew not what did. 1 was in prison, and
1 rushed out at the first open door. wanted
to live my own life, for myself. and he
tempted me with such brilliant life, all
filled with pleasure and triumph. should
be admired, and my days would be full of
the joys of stimulus and interest. We
would live like gods, instead Of crawling
through a miserable existence to dreary
end. Luxury and travel and society and
new experiences and emotions for every day
they had been nv dreams, and he prom
ised them all to me. Oh, my depraved soull
But did love him; 1 loved him better than
1 could love you because it pleased me best
to be loved by one like him.
TIT is not the loving, alone; it is knowing
how to love that wins a woman. The devo-
tion he showed me, his understanding of me,
his quickness to see my cravings, were more
to me than all your love. You could have
satisfied better woman, but you never un-
derstood me, and you maddened me with
your blind faith and love. could be nv
self with man who understood me, and did
not idealize me. God pity mel 1 lived for
pleasure, and was dead while 1 lived. The
curse has fallen on me. But 1 was not all
evil. did love him. / would have endured
any hardship, made any sacrifice, for him.
How can l say this to you? Whv am not
dumb before the horror of such life as mine
had been? What can 1 say that will not
break your heart? 1 know that nothing can
wipe out my sin against you. Oh, why
did 1 come here? False wife, unnatural
mother; the sea would not drown me, fever
would not kill me, the open grave has not
closed before me, but judgment waits for
me-"
Marian" repeated her husband. "God
is faithful and just to forgive us our sins
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
'Those words, those wordsI'' she cried;
they have been ringing in my ears as
have heard them from you. Would to God
they might be truel The same words that
Helen Eastman repeated to me when she
was dying. She found me in my distress.
and when was forssken she took me up.
md had pity on me as long as she lived.
She sent me to take charge of one of her
houses, and Marcus and lived there. When
ne died and she was dying, she knew there
would be no refuge for me after her, for her
daughters had never shown me any pitv.
Then she told me to go to you. and you
would take care of me. Your husband is a
igheous man. she said; he will not cast
'ou off; he will find way to care for you.
could almost have thought she knew you,
Justin, when she talked of YOU"
"I did know her well, and loved her
nce."
The words fell from him as coldly az
motionless breathings pass the lips of the
lying, but they wrought upon the woman
rho heard them.
"Then it was for your sake that she saved
mel and 1 never had any friend but youI
Alone in the world when you married me
nd now with no one to turn to-oh, Justin.
ny life begins and ends in you. Oh, if / |
ad not dishonored itf'
She wept in terrible abandon ment: but |
er husband did not swerve from his rigid |
"Justin, "-she clasped her wasted hands |
never meant to see Won
gain. But 1 could not stay there after her. |
nd when L came secretly to our old home. |
nd found you had come SO far away to this |
lace, wandered out here. But / dared |
OF see you; only thought to look at Agnes
nee, as any stranger might, and go away. |
md when had seen her pass by once,
vice, said: Il will CO. But could not |
nat consumed me, day and night, like a
ever. And then 1 fell sick, and she came
, me like healing spirit, and could not
End her away. Every day she came to nv
ok room-my death chamber, as they ali
elieved it was-and cared for me, they said,
/ the house, like daughter Justin, she
egged me to see her father; he would do me
, much good. And she loves me, and does
OF know that she loves a lost soul"
Her voice rose wildly. ''Oh, Justin, have
ity; am not strong enough to 60 away
ON her now. 1 am her mother, Justi y,
be is my flesh and blood. God knows 1