The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1889-10-18
The Combine of the Kern
Body SnatcherS and the
Republican County
Emba1merS.
PICKING OUT THE CORPSES.
The Stockholders Of the Republican
County Embalmers Make a
Big Kick Against the PART
nesship, but Meekly
Select the Victims.

balming Committee has for years. as
everybody knows, held an almost unin-
terrupted and undisputed monopoly OF
the political embalming business in this
section of the State. 1t has laid aside
so many of it's adherents in the grave
vaults OF political ambition, however.
that its supply of bodies has become
limited now.
The political embalming season is at
hand again, and a fresh supply of corpses
is needful to enable the association to
keep up decent show Of business. Four
yawning vaults in it's cemetery-marked
respectively State Senator, Director-at-
Large, County Clerk and County Regis
ter-demand Immediate victims. The
Republican Embalming Committee were
unable to see more than two in sight,
and they were about to give up in
despair, when they learned that COM
pany of body snatchers had been formed
under the firm name and style OF Kern,
NVanken g. Rub, and that the company
had proven it's readiness for business by
hiring Cranes morgue in Hoboken for a
headquarters.
A KICK AGAINST THE DEAL.
Some of the chief stockholders in the
Republican Embalming Machine Com
pany put themselves at once in COM
Inunication with the political ghouls, and
found them ready to supply not only two
of the four bodies needed for the ap-
preaching embalming ceremony, but, il
the Republican Embalmers would give
them places in their vaults, all four.
When they proposed going into the
business of body snatching as an adjunct
80 their Embalmtng Bureau, the Repub-
lican machine managers found the idea
revolving to many of their stockholders;
and, in the hope of inducing or bulldozing
them into acquiescence, they called upon
them to meet in Odd Fellows Hall, in
Hoboken, yesterday afternoon, to con-
slider the matter.
scRUPLEs OVERCOME.
The stockholders were in mighty re-
bellious humor before the meeting, but
Funeral Director L. E. DATE, S. D. Dick
Seymour and M. Z. Newbold argued the
matter with them SO plausibly that be-
fore the meeting had grown an hour old
there was marked change of sentiment
among them. At the meeting Funeral
Director Seymour was the first to let his
tongue loose in urging the partnership,
but no perceptible impression was made
ubf5nst the nninef efssof the obdurate majority
till Funeral Director Newbold rose to his
feet and made fiery speech in the same
direction.
He held out promises that the morgue
combination might even Snatch the body
of Leon Albeit, and those of the fonr
Democratic candidates for county Off
GERS for seclusion in the empty vaults if
the combine was made.
Funeral Directors Vanderzee and Ram
sey were down on the whole scheme.
They wanted the business of political
embalming to be done with as reputable
IA n kfNtE fJe,
fled that q combination with the norgue
pirates could but bring the ancient and
honorable calling of political embalming
into disrepute.
Their arguments were fruitless how
ever. Funeral Director Newbold had the
convention of stockholders by the ears,
and at his solicitation committee was
appointed to visit the morgue for the pur-
pose of learning on what terms partner
ship could be made.
The body snatchers were holding high
revel at the morgue when Funeral Direc-
tor Newbold and his fellow committee
men walked in upon them. They were
astonished to see their incantations in
vaded by so dignified and respectable a
body of citizens. AT first they feared
that they had come to call the police on
them; but when they learned that their
visitors were not SO good as they looked,
but had come to talk business, their
dSpOuiblIClb tihA AooA SehsO way W 0C-
light
THE DEAL.
Without going into the details of the
talk, the Body Snatching firm of Kern,
Wankin & Rub readily agreed to pro-
vide two bodies for the embalniing pro-
cess, il the Republican Embalming Con-
vention would find the other two. The
Republican Embalming Committee
agreed to the divide, but preferred that
their two should be embalmed for the
vaults labeled State Senator and Director
at-Large. They were the more honorable
places of interment, and they did not
care to fill them with the bodies of any
political tramps the morgue ghouls would
provide tor them. They had less regard
Tor the County Clerk and County Register
vaults, and were less particular as to the
sweetness of the corpses that were TO be
thrust into them.
The Body Snatchers felt that this was
an affront to the honorable character of
their calling, and they refused to form
the partnership unless they could provide
the Senatorial and Directorial corpses
Funeral Director Newbold was afraid
that the Embalming Machine would not
be supplied with the necessary compile
ment of victims if he held out against
this demand, and he agreed to the terms
proposed.
No one would have suspected, from the
hoWls that went up from the stockholders
when he returned to tell them the result
of his negotiations, that there had ever
been any differences among them as to
the wisdom and propriety of the copart-
nership; and they set themselves to work
at once to tlnd the two victims they were,
according to the terms Of the partner
ship, to provide.
PICKING OUT CANDIDATES..
Whom should they emba'm for the
County Clerkship tomb? This was the
first proposition From one clique of
stockholders after another came the sug-
restion of the name of Mr.. Simeon III.
Smith: and Mr.. Smith was the victim
aoreeI upon till Funeral Director Potts
arose to say that Mr.. Smith might not
Droye q willing sacrifice.
Terry Mcdonald, who was by some mis-
arranGement Of things allotted to seal
smong the stockholders instead OF among
The Morgue Ghouls, sputtered like pack
If not-oyer-good tirecrackers for recog-
nition. Funeral Director Datz, who pre-
sided at the meeting, snubbed him, till he
shot q mack of cannon firecrackers out OF
his mouth, and made such a racket that
II was no longer possible TO ignore nim-
A TELEPHONE PROBLEM.
When he had been recognized ne rose
% COW that Mr.. Smith had telephoned MS
,v;lIinoness to be embalmed, TO meinper
If the State Committee. =.
81 was present. retorted funeral u
rector POTTS, vwhen that message was re-