davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Convicted BY a Clock.

A lady from Ithaca, the birthplace
of ex-Gov. Cornell and his wife, told
me yesterday a good story appropos
of the perils of welded life, which the
Governor told at his own expense. 1t
seems that when in office at Albany he
would sometimes return home late at
night, and after his wife had retired,
and when she asked him what time it
was would answer, About 12,' or "A
little after midnight" One evening,
instead of making the inquiry, she
SAID: ''Alonzo, | wish you would stop
that clock; | cannot sleep for its
noise" All unsuspicious, he stopped
the pendulum. In the morning. while
dressing, Mrs. Cornell inquired art
lessly: 80, by the way, what time did
you get homer" About midnight"
replied the Governor. "Alonzo, look
at that clock" The hands of the
pointed to half-past 2. The Governor
was crushed. -Philadctphia Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Hat FlirUatiOns.

Wearing the hat squarely on the
head love you madly.
Tipping it over the right ear-My
little brother has the measles.
Pulling it over the eyes-You must
not recognize me.
Wearing it over the back of the head
Ia, ia; awfully awful.
Taking it off and brushing it the
wrong way-My heart is busted.
Holding it out in the right hand
Lend me quarter.
Leaving it with your uncle-Have
been to church fair.
Throwing it to policeman love
your sister.
Using it as fan-Come and see my
aunt.
Carrying brick in it-Yaur cruelty
is killing me.
Kicking it up-stairs-Is the old man
around?
Kicking it own-stairs-Where is
your motherP
Kicking it across the street, am
engaged.
Hanging it on the right elbow-Will
call tonight.
Hanging it on the left elbow-Am
badly left.
Putting it on the ground and sitting
on it-Farewell forever.-Boston Globe.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Making Up for the Dentists Chair.

'tIt's mystery to me- said dentist
of large practice recently, "that a
woman will make up her face to come
to dentists chair. Yet many of
them do. Hardly day passes that l
don't have some woman in here rouged,
powdered and penciled to the last de-
gree. You would think they would
hardly care to face the strong, cruel
light which | employ in my work, or
my own close. if involuntary, scrutiny,
but they don't seem to mind either
Only yesterday l worked for three
hours over a woman whose lips were
so besmudged with some vermilion
paste that it came off generously with
every use of the syringe to wash out
her mouth. The powder on her face
busted my coat sleeve with every
motion almost, and discovered before
was through with her that even the
blue veins on her temples owed their
delicate blue look to some outside in
auence. "-NeW York Sun.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Capturing a Tune.

It is probable that there is not a
man, woman, or child in Georgia who
never heard the song "Good-by, My
Lover. Good-by." 1t is jolly planta-
ton ballad, used by serenading parties
in the rural districts until it has be-
come the midnight reverie of the sleep
ing citizens in many places. During
a recent revival in the Methodist
church at Milledgeville its tune was
introduced to that sublime hymn.
There is a Fountain Filled with
Blood with refrain, '.By and By
Wen See the King" Night after
night this new Interpretation rang out
from the hundreds of throats that at
tended the services, causing a smile to
those who saw its comical side, until
its novelty wore off, and it was estab-
lished as fixture in the song service
of the church. 1t is one of the most
popular songs of the church now, and
a tune that would have been regarded
as Dissertation of the Sabbath few
weeks ago is now whistled on Sundays
in good taste.-IMacon Telegraph.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Why Not?

About ten miles beyond st. Thomas
the locomotive whistled an alarm,
slackening a bit, and then put on full
steam and we felt bump clear back
in the last coach, says the Detroit Free
Press. As soon as the train could be
checked and backed up to the highway
crossing we all piled out to ascertain
the trouble. A woman about 40 years
old, hat off and hair flying, was pick
ing some parcels out of the grass, and
a man of about the same age sat on
the ground staring about him in won
der. In his left hand he held pipe
and in his right paper of tobacco.
He had been crossing the road with his
team. One horse lay dead in the ditch,
and the other was limping off down the
road, while the wagon was smashed to
kindlings. The woman gathered up
five or six parcels and started off after
the limping horse. never speaking a
word, and by and by the husband
slowly filled his pipe, hunted around
for a match and lighted it, and as he
got to his feet to follow the wife the
conductor queried:
Didn't you see the train comingP"
''Of course" was the quiet reply.
''Then, why didn't you hold up?"
Didn't you see me coming? Oh
course you did. Then, why in thunder
didn't you hold upP"
And he logged off down the road
without another word.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24

non-aIcoholic drinks 1 don't take
back seat for any one." Clara-"Pm
awfully interested in that business.
How-how do you make pop. Charlie?"
He explained.-Kearney Enterprise.
20, George" she murmured, al
know you are strong and will protect
me, yet even now, as we recline in
this swinging hammock. I am sur
rounded by fearP" Fear, MY dar-
lingm said George De Romelvy, 'what
fear can surround you?" "Atmos-
phere." she chuckled, and the ham,
mock broke down to punish her
Laurence american.
"And, doctor, can you make this
bloom again?n asked Father Time,
pointing to specimen of the vintage
of 1910. Il was once a footlight IA
vorite and men showered me with
pearls and diamonds. o, can l be
young again?" she exclaimed with a
fervor of a maid of sixty-two summers,
''You shall be queen of the May" re-
sponded DIR. Brown-Sequard as he pro-
ceeded to his laboratory and slaught-
cred fresh guinea pig.-Phiiadetphia
Record,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
The Yellow Garter.

The yellow garter is not a novelty,
though many novel stories are told of
it. For years only actresses were
known to have the craze to wear one
or the absurdity to believe IN the super
stition that by so doing luck must fol-
low, but now society has taken it up
and gorgeous clasps are ordered, for
which large sums are paid, and jabots
of costly silk are set upon them. The
wife of one of the 400 was heard to
whisper that she had worn one for
year and that for longer period her
husband had worn a cable of twisted
yellow cigar brands, which nothing
could induce him to take off. 1t fol-
lows him by night and by day. to and
through his bath.-New York World.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
An UntimeIy Call.

81 was painfully reminded the other
night" said good young man, "that
you can't touch pitch without being
detiled. l agreed with young fellow
that | would GO to the theatre with
him. told him l would go to prayer
meeting for little while first. and if
he would come round to the church
shortly after s o'clock and whistle for
me softly, l would join him. The
minister was in the middle of his ex-
hortation when all at once the profane
air of 'Razzle-Dazzle,' whistled in the
vestibule, flooded the lecture-room. I
Immediately recognized the voice of
my friend and blushed for him. You
can imagine, perhaps, how humiliating
it was to rise and go out in response
to such sacrilegious music, but | did
it. and it seemed as though the eyes
of the entire congregation must be fixed
on me in indignant rebuke. boston
Courier.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Two Daring Souls.

81 say, old chappie," remarked the
exquisise creature in burst of conf
dence, Il want to tell you of an awful
scrape got into to-day. Tom was in
it. too. We were going out to lunch.
you know, and we couldn't find our
gloves. A fellah couldn't think of
going out to lunch, you know, without
his gloves to carwy in his hands, you
know, and by gwacious, we were half
afwaid we'd starve to death. 1t was
awful, don't you know; but just as we'd
about resigned ourselves to our terri
BILE fate, Fwank came along. Fwank
is fellah of illimitable wesource,
don't you know, and he loaned us his
gloves. We each took one, and car
ried them in our hands, for all the
world as if we'd had a pair apiece.
1t was al awful narrow escape from
starvation. 1t makes me twemble
when think of it."-Boston Tram
scTi7t
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
No Fight, No Prayer.

Agroup of naval officers were indulg-
ing the other day in "reminiscences of
the war, when one of them told the
following yarn:
Early on the morning of December
"a, 1864" he said, admiral Porter
signalled to the fleet before Fort Fish
er, Get under way and follow me-
The ship to which | belonged was as
signed, in the programme, to posi-
ton between two ironclads close under
the fort. We anticipated hot and ter
rible work. The flagship led the way
and was approaching within range,
when Lieutenant Commander B.
of my ship, ordered all hands called to
muster. The brawny tars gathered
aft on the quarterback, with the off,
GERS in their usual places, and our
commander began to read from the
Prayer Before Battle 1t was a SOL
emn moment. None knew who or
how many among us might suddenly
be ushered into the presence of the
God of battles. Our commander read
as though he felt it; the whole ships
company were awed and hushed, and
the throbbing of the engines and wash
of waters along the side seemed pre-
ternaturally loud. When about half
through a signal was reported from the
flagstaff.
Come to anchor in your positions. ,
''When it was read to our command
er sudden revulsion of feeling came
over him. Throwing down the prayer
book upon the hatch, he exclaimed:
"'Well, I'll be hanged if Pm going
to pray if we amt going to fight! Pipe
DOWN.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
LAMB LEE.
How the World Looks to the Little Fellows
Their Entrance Into 1t.

About five minutes after the lamb is
born he is on his feet. The unsteady
earth under him now heaves to the
right; surges up and then down, and
it whirls and it twirls with him while
he staggers and struggles, and twists
one leg around the other like a vine
around a tree; or else he spreads those
members all out until they look like
the forks under weather vane, says
the Montana Wool GrOUer. He tum-
bles down for the fiftieth time, and for
| the fiftieth time renews the fight to
secure that footing in the great world
! from which only can he reach the life
giving milk. His neutrality-suspicious.
ly if it is her first-in her crazy ankle
ty to help, knocks him down, steps on
! him, and does without leaving out
possible eption-everythin she
should not do, while she leaves nearly
everything undone that might help the
! little fellow to get the desired nourish-
ment.
''Oh, the poor, dear little thing; isn't
it too bad" says the sympathetic
stranger. ''The COMPOUNDED pair of
idiots!'' frets the impatient shepherd,
who does not care to drive them until
the lamb finds milk and "gets filled
up"
In half an hour his milk can is full;
his sides bulge out with a surfeit of
the pure article warranted to stand the
most rigid tests for admixture of water.
And as the shepherd slowly urges the
old eve toward home, the lamb goes
reeling and rolling along like an old
tar just ashore from a years voyage.
About the first error the lamb makes
in life is to mistake the shepherd or
his dog for its mother, and many are
the maneuvers that must be gone
through with to make the new arrival
follow the right party. His next error
is likely to be an attempt to walk on
air when he comes to place where he
should 90 down hill. HIS ten minutes
experience in life has made him believe
that all the earth is level plain, and
in broad daylight he steps off the top
of hill just as serenely as man steps
off the top landing of the stairs in
total darkness when he is certain that
the stairs are yet twenty feet away.
The result is a great surprise to man
and lamb in each instance.
The lamb picks himself up, and con-
tinues down the hill; he soon comes to
the conclusion that everything is down
hill in this life, and not on a dead
level. Upon getting to the foot of the
hill he still tries to continue down.
ward, and as a result runs his nose
into the ground and looks surprised
again. He now comes to place to
get up hill, and goes up just as our
man starts to 60 upstairs in total dark
ness when he thinks the stairs are still
twenty feet away.
Our lamb is now getting very suspi-
cious. He was pushed over and
growled at for following the dog when
be thought it was his mother; the
shepherd kicked and abused him for
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Dan Warmers Erudite Saurian.

In this paper few weeks ago men,
ton was made of an alligator about
four feet long that had been captured
by Dan Warner on the sidewalk in the
most thickly settled portion of our
city. Dan felt when he saw the young
saurian that it possessed unusual in
telligence, and set about to teach him.
1t is perfectly wonderful the progress
"John''-he has been christened John
has made. The bake shop is to him
a revelation. He will, after the bread
is taken from the pans, take the uten-
sis and pile them in the corner as
neatly as boy could do it.
The first trick he learned was to
stand on his tail and hind feet. 1t is
pathetic to see him as he assumes
the position and crosses his fore feet
over his breast, awaiting the loaf which
is to be given him as a reward for his
skill.
He is fond of cider, and Schmidt &
Warner have found it necessary to
place the barrel beyond his reach, as
he has half a dozen times turned the
faucet.
The boys do not mind single glass,
but he does not seem to have learned
the art of cutting it off, and he was not
discovered until galloa or more had
been wasted.
The music by the band pleases him
hugely, and he will lie in front of the
band-room every practice night until
the last note is heard.
His harness will not be done for an
other week, but Dan is confident he
will drive well.
Dan has given him huge palmleaf
fan, and he handles this with the ut
most grace in keeping off the flies,
which annoy him excessively.-Eustis
Lake Region.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Woman's Career.

She was fair girl graduate, enrobed in spot
less white,
And on her youthful features shone look of
holy light.
She bent with grace her dainty head to re-
ceive the ribbon blue,
Whence hung the silver medal. adjudged to
be her due.
i watched her face with rapture as she raised
to heaven her eyes,
And moved her lips in prayer as her fingers
casped the prize,
For knew to education she bad pledged her
coming days,
To unclasp poor woman's letters and free her
from mans ways.
Time passed. Our pathways parted, but ever
and anon
Ny thoughts would stray toward her. and I'd
speculate upon
What my graduate was doing, if athwart the
scroll of fame,
Among unselfsh workers, had been written
high her name.
At last l CHANGED to meet her, but her books
were pushed aside,
While around dainty garment she sewed the
lace with pride,
And at her feet her baby, dimpled, happy,
Growing youth,
Upon that silver medal was cutting his first
tooth.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Museum of Meteorites.

The following is list of meteorites
which were actually seen to fall, and
fragments of them are to-day to be
found in the museums of London,
Paris and Vienna in Europe, and in
those of Harvard, Yale, Amherst and
other colleges in this country:
l. A large stone of 260 pounds, at
Ensisheim, Germany, 1491, November
z: fragments in British Museum and
in Jardin DIES Planets, Paris.
2. About 1920 stones, one of which
weighed 100 pounds, at Padua, Italy,
1910
3. A mass of iron at Jablndu, Pun
jab, India, in 1920 The Emperor of
Jehangir had sword forged from it.
4. A stone, SO pounds, at Mont
Vasier, Province, France, 1927, No
vember 27. Witnessed by Astronomer
Gassendi.
5. A mass of iron at Agram, Bohe-
mia, 1851.
6. A shower of stones at Plaun, Bo-
hemia, 1853, July 3.
z. Two stones GO pounds) at Lipo-
nos, France, 1853, September.
S. Two stones, 200 and 300 pounds,
at Verona, Italy, 1862.
9. A stone of sc pounds at Valid
Cottage, Yorkshire, England. 1895,
December Is.
10. A stone go pounds) near Sales,
Vile, France, 1898, March r.
II. A shower of stones at BeDares,
India, 1898, March II.
y. Several stones (84 pounds, ac-
cOrding to the astronomer Arago) near
IAigle, Normandy, France, 1903,
April Is.
Is. A shower of stones at Weston,
CT. 1907, December IA.
IA. A mass of iron in Dickson county,
Tenn, 1885.
Is. A mass of iron at Braunau, b.
hernia. 1647
16. Several large stones at Dhurmsa-
la, India, in 1860. Coated with ice
when dug out.
II. A shower of stones at Orgueil,
France, 1864, May Is.
IS. A mass of iron at Nejed, Arabia,
in 1863
10. A tremendous fall of stones
over 600 pounds at Knyahin-
va, Hungary, in 1866, July 9.
20. A mass of iron at Nedagoliah,
India, in 1880.
u. A mass of iron near Maysville,
CAL. in 1873.
%. A mass of iron eight pounds)
at Rowton, Eng, in 1876. This was
red-hot when dug up.
% Several small fragments of me-
ORIG iron in Emmett county, Iowa, in
1879.
"a. A piece of meteoric iron at Ma
sapil, Mexico, 1885, November 27.
80. The shower of meteorites in
Johnson county, Ark, in 1883. To
his list may also be added those which
Tell at Bishopville, S. c., 1913; at Ca
,arrus, n. c., 1849; New Concord,
ohio, 1860, and Amana, Iowa, 1876.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24

hall door.
ELLA, forgive me-" he whispered.
81 was mad. | don't know what pos
sessed me, but evil thoughts had been
put into my head, and the idea of los
ing your confidence and affection was
unbearab le."
"And was it all about money!" she
said, twas it because | never account
ed for how [ had spent the last
checks?"
81 am afraid it was" he answered.
ryat.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
The Terrible Small Boy.

The family clerg lyman was paying
social visit to the no usehold, and lit
tie boy about years old was brought
out, as is customary on such occasions.
During his portion of the program he
showed the clergyman how nicely he
could turn handspring. He then
asked the minister if he could do that.
The minister said he guessed he could
not now, but he could when he was
little boy. Then you amt as smart
as my MOTHER returned young Amer
lea, ''for she can do it just as well as |
can. y Bridgeport NeUs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Two Desperate Men.
"Get out of nv wayi"

''Get out OF my way!"
.Step off in the mud yourself. The
walk is as much mine as it is yoursi
The first of the two speakers was
the possessor of an incipient boil on
the back of the neck. The second had
just got letter from home announc-
ing that he was the father of pair
of lusty twins. The fight that took
place on that narrow sidewalk was the
most desperate ever known in the his
tory of the town.-Chicaq0 Tribune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
Oysters in England.

The summer consumption of oysters
IN England is estimated to be 40O, 000.-
600, of which a large portion come
from aiong the French coast-New
York San.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24

Lord Ronald Cover recently bought
a Boucher screen for s.. so and resold
it for 81, 600.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24

"Man know myself" says the poet:
but this advice will never be regarded
as long as there is a neighbor to oh.
serve.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24
But One in a Hundred.

Only per cent of the population of
the German empire is unable to read
and write.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-24

A fool always finds a greater fool
that admires him.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1889-06-19

IUC WIN CWNd VI 0CEUIU1W CUTtVe
We have BEEN selling your CurIcURA REMEDIES
for years, and have the fret complaint yet to re.
celve from purchaser. one Of the worst cases Of
Scrofula ever saw was cured by the use of Ave
bottles of CUTIcuRA REsoLvENT. CurIcURA, and
CUTlCURA SOAP.
TAYLOR / TAYLOR, Druggists,
Fran kfOrt kanaas.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1889-06-19

plkPLEs. black heads. red. rough, chapped. and
etW oily skin prevented by CuTIcURA soar.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1889-06-19
A DELAY IN LEES RETURN.

II Is Caused By BlRnder on the Part Of
the Territorial Secretary.
Sheriff Kinney was expected back
yesterday, with his prisoner. Lee, the
man who is believed to have muir.
dered two squaws in the Lost River
region.
Lee is in Jail in Reno, New, and
our Sheriff can get him. There is nc
trouble about that. But he must
have a requisition properly made out;
and the Sheriff has been compelled to
send for . second one.
1--WE obeyed Governor Shoup':
instructions" said Deputy District
Attorney Bierbower to a TIMES re-
porter yesterday; shut we were
compelled to get another. So there
we are under expense, the Sheriff il
Nevada and we here-and all through
the laundering of Territorial Sscre
tary Curtis"
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1889-06-19
LOCAL JOTTINHS.

Three carloads of wagons reached
here to-day.
Over 80 passengers left the north.
bound train ut this station to-day.
am selling percale and calico
shirts 1t cost. GEORGE kRIEG:
&c. Fox sells ladies', misses and
children's shoes 1T Eastern prices.
One carload of ore from the old
Nay Aug mine WAS shipped out TO-
day.
Come and examine the Woodbury.
Frui, Jar, and you will use no other.
GEORGE kRIEa.
12O bars Of railroad iron have been
received tor the Triumph Mining
Company.
M. Kessler, Of Salt Lake City, and
Mrs. Waters and daughter and Mr.
Dupee of Chicago, arrived to-day
and drove out to the HALEY Hot
Springs.
Mrs. Sarah Roach will keep fol
sale, to families and others, ali kinds
of fine pastry, bread, etc. Her estab-
lishment is at Rupert's corner.
Now is a good time to order your
Dress Suits for the HALEY Springs
Hotel opening. II you delay, yot
may be too late. Il. ANDERSON,
J. The Tailor.
Go to w. S. Mack's to have YOU
house, sign and carriage painting
; paper. hanging, calcimining, etc., done
and carpets taken up aud relsid.
want to close out my entire stocl
Of summer goods, and am therefore
giving great bargains in that line.
ELoF ANDERSON.
Fifty.one votes we're cast at th'
Republican primaries in this city yes
terdsy. At the general election las
fall g votes were cast for Lennon
in this city. 2S7 for Waters, aud 26;
for Dubois.
DR.. H. d. Jones, the surgeon den
tis., has removed to DR.. Burkhart'
old Office, where he is prepared to d.
oil sorts of dental work at ressouabl
rates. j-lO,6
Mrs Robert Strahorn, her danghte
Mrs. Baker and her granddaughter
are at Pocatello, on their way her,
They are detained there by the i'll
less Of Mrs. Bakers daughter, VII
is Mrs. Strahorn's granddaughter; bu
will probably leave there on tn
special train, q, 9 o'clock this evening
II you wan. your stomach free, you
mind clear and energetic, take SANAE
IrAN NERvINE.
The finest alternative and ant
bilious medicine on EARTH is SAMAI
lrAN NKRvINE 81 so.
SAMARITAN NERvINE cured 4 vel
sev-re Ease Of Epilep.y 'c"-me.
Dn. y. MUxsEY. Lsaonia, N. Il.