Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-05-23

THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Enterprise-weu Fitted-Won the
Fathers Admiration-A Pleasing
Paradox, Etc, Etc.
sSThe public's needs" the dentist said,
I'VE must anticipateF
And thereupon hung out sign
Marked: Teeth pulled while you wait"
Puck
WELL FITTED.
t'What is your son to do after he leaves
college, Mr.. Henrix2".
s'I don't know. think he'd make a
good critic, he is so fond of cutting up"
-Raper's Monthly.
WON THE FATHERS ADMIRATION.
Louise-"Does your father approve of
your engagement"
Lily-"0, yes; papa thinks George
real smart. In fact, he pinched papa in
a wheat deal last week. - Chicago Sdtur-
dag Herald. !
A PLEASING PARADOX.
Professor-''Wha is q paradox2"
Experienced Student-''An Annex girl
telling fellow-student that really he
mustn't stay another minute and all the
time holding him so fast with both arms
that he couldn't get away if he should
try."-ISmerriHs Journal.
FOLLOWING HIS INSTRUCTIONS.
t'What are you doing, PatrickG"
''Wakin' up your husband, MAN,
''But whyG"
"Becase it's tin o'clock, nam, when l
was to give him the dhrops to make him
shlape. ."-Epoch.
n rOnClDlE MEcAlNos
Casual Acquaintance-''Hary, so you
are impressed with the Broadstows."
Harry-Very forcibly."
''Tell me, old boy, what struck you
most"
"The old mans boot. Time.
TtTr AcUE coTJAR-BTTToE
''What is that collar-button of yours
made of, joint" asked Mrs. Crimson
beak of her husband the other morning.
"Rolled gold," calculated John, as he
climbed under the bed in search of the
pesky thing.-Stdtesmsan.
STRIKING WHILE THE IRON WAS HOT.
''What are you doing now, BROWNE"
"I'm silver chaser at present, Quimby." ="
'That's a new business for you, isn't
it,"
''No; I'm merely looking for man
with quarter to lend. Do you happen
to have 2"-Draks's Magazine.
ENGLlSh AS SdE 10 SIOhEs
tIs Mr.. Smith left?" asked the devil
as he bounced into the editorial rooms
with visitors card in his hand.
''No," hissed the snake editor, ''but
Mr.. Smith is gone, and the man who
wants to see him is left. ."-New York
Herald.
NOVEL PREDICTION.
"Oh, of course she marries him." said
the young lady, opening new novel.
"Whats make you think so?" queried
the young man.
"NNy, right on the top of the first
page il ays: Chap. Won. '"-Norristoren
Herald!\A
E-AUsE FOR ANXIETY.
Car-wheel Manufacturer passenger in
fast express train which is making long
stop)-"What are you striking those
wheels for9'
Man With Hammer-"To see if they
are sound yet"
Car-whell Manufacturer (nervously)-
swell, please don't hit 'em quite so hard. "
--NeU York Weekly.
JUSTLY PUNISHED.
''Rochefoucauld says" remarked Bore
~, after the ladies had withdrawn, s'that
there is something in the misfortunes of
our friends which is not altogether dis
pleasing to us, and"
The grim smile which went around as
he stuck the wrong end of his cigar in
his mouth, showed him how much truth
there was in the soul wearying chestnut.
Puck.
TALE OF DOG.
Mr.. SGmpurse-''Ahl Good-evenlng,
Dick. Is your sister inl''
Little -'sGuesso."
81 say, Dick, here's nickel to get
some candy. noticed that big dog of
your fathers is united. He's pretty cross,
isn't he9"
'Awful. Pa always ties him Up when
Mr.. Fatpurse is in town; but Mr.. Fat
purse is away now, and the dog is loose