Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-29
CHAIRMEN I'VE HAD.
Max O'Rell Talks About the Troubles
Of a Lecturer.
A MAN WHO HAD BEEN TO FRANCE
And Who Proposed to Let the Audience
Know That Fact.
WITTY HITS or 1 CLEVER HUHORISE

lore recurring ID any toWn, unoer tne
auspices Of q literary society or mechanics
institute, the lecturer generally receives
from the secretary letter running some
what as follows: @Dear Sir, have much
pleasure in informing you that our Mr..
Blank. well known resident here, viii
take the chair &C your lecture" Translated
into plain English this reads: my poor
fellow, am much grieyed to inform you
that chairman will be inflicted upon you
on such and such aday"
In my few years leeturing experience I
have come across all sorts and conditions Of
chairmen. and can recollect very few that
shave helped me.Y Now what is the Office,
the duty, Of chairman on such occasions?
He is supposed 70 introduce the lecturer to
the audience. For this be needs to be able to
make neat speech. Sometimes be is ner-
vous; he hens and haws, cannot find the
words he wants, and only succeeds in fdget-
ing the audience You don't like 1t. Some
times. on the other hand, he is wit. There
is eanger again. You don't like that. was
once introduced to New York audience by
General Horace Porter There was danger
certainly in that. you will agree with me,
and will not be surprised when tell you
that after his delightfully."- witty and grace
full little speech, I felt as if the best part Of
the show was over.
Sometimes the chair has to be offered 10
magnate of the neighborhood, though he
may be noted for his long prosy orations
Neither the lecturer nor the public like
that At others, it is very popular man
who is put IN the chair, and he gets all the
applause. One doesn't like that.
.sBrevity is the soul of witt should be the
motto of chairmen, and sympathize with q
friend Of mine who says that chairmen, like
little girls and boys, should be seen and
not heard.
DRoLL SCOTCH CHAIRMEN.
OF those chairmeu who can and do speak.
the Scotch ones are generally good. They
have knack Of starting the evening with
droll Scotch anecdote, and putting the audi
ence in good humor. Occasionally thev
will also make apropos and equally drolI
little speeches at the close. One evening,
in talking of America, l had mentioned the
fact that American dinners were very
lively and that thought the fact of Ameri-
cans being able to keep up such flow of
wit for so many hours was due to their
drinking Apollinaris water instead of
stronger things after dessert At the end of
C
he had greatly enjoyed it, but that he must
take exception to one statement had made.
for he thought it 'tvery deefeult to be witty
on Apollinaris waiter"
Another kind Of chairman is the one who
kills your finish and stops all the possible
ity OF your being called back for applause,
by coming forward, as soon as the last words
are out of your mouth, to inform the audi
ence that the next lecture will be by Mr..
So-and-So, or by making financial state
ment of the society's position and appealing
to the members to induce their friends to
JOIN.
Then there is the chairman who thinks it
his duty to give the public kind of sum-
mary OF the lecture before it begins. But
he is nothing to the one who when it is
over, will persist in summing it up and
explaining the jokes, especially the ones he
has not quite seen through very painful
operation. rA
Some modest ehairmen apologize for
standing between the lecturer and audience.
and declare they cannot speak, but do.
Others think they can speak, which is apt
to be q worse case STILL
As rule the most Objectionable chair
men are local men holding civic honors.
Accustomed to deliver themselves of q
speech whenever and wherever they get q
mGm-
bers Of local boards, never miss an opportu-
nifty Of getting upon platform to address a
good crowd. Not long ago, was intro
duced to an audience in a large English
town by candidate Tor civic honors. The
election to the Town Council was to take
place fortnight altefward, and this gentle
man profted by the occasion to air all his
grievances against the sitting Council. and
to assure the citizens that ifthey would only
elect him, there were bright days in store
for them and their city. This was the g1st
of the matter; the speech lasted quarter Of
an hour.
HE HAD BEEN TO FRANCE
More than once, when announced to de-
liver lecture on France, have been intro
duced by chairman who, having spent his
holidays in that country once or twice,
opened the evenings proceedings by him
self delivering alecture on France I have
felt very tempted to say to the audience in
such cases: Ladies and gentlemen, as one
lecture onfFfsnce is enough for an evening.
perhaps you would rather spoke about
something else.
Sometimes get little amusement, how
ever Gas in the country town of K. }, out of
the usual proceedings Of the society before
whose members I am engaged to appear.
the time up, was told to go on the plat
form alone and, being there to Immediately
sit down. went on, and sat down. Some
one in the room then rose and proposed that
Mr.. M should take the chair. Mr.. NJ,
it appeared had been to Boulogne and was
particularly fitted to introduce a French
man. In a speech of five minutes duration
all Mr.. Ms qualifications for the post Of
chairman we're duly set forth. Then some
one else rose and seconded the proposition,
recommending most of these qualifications.
Mr.. NJ then marched upthe hall, uscended
the platform and proceeded to return thanks |
for the kind manner inewhich he had been |
proposed TOR the chair and for the enthusiasm
with which the audience had sanctioned the |
choice. He said it was true that be had
been in France and he greatly admired the
country and the people, etc. These |
preliminaries over gave my lecture, after |
which Mr.. NJ called upon member of the |
audience to propose vote Of thanks to me |
.'for the most interesting discourse" etc.
Now q paid lecturer wants has cheque 1
when his work is over, and although q vote |
OF thanks, when it is spontaneous, ID a COM
pIiment which he appreciates, he is more 4
likely to feel aWkwardness than pleasure at |
1t when it is mere red tape iormality. !
The vote Of thanks on this particular oeca-
sion was proposed in due form. Then it |
was seconded BY someone who repeated two
or three of my Jokes. By this time, began
to enter into the iun of tbs, thing, and after
having returned thanks ior the vote OF
thanks and sat down, stepped forward
again, filed with a mild resolve to have the
last word. Ladies and gentlemen, . said,
81 have now much pleasure in proposing
that hearty vote OF thanks be given to Mr..
M for the able manner in which be has
filed the chair. went again through the
1iat of M Ms qualifications not ~