Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-08-01


BEFORE AND AFTER.
Dudovici Marony-W Why don't you
turn.a your face this away?
II. Il. Storer-I will on tn next trial.
Tn working "bofore.and after" racket
for hair renewcr Advertisement just
take the head as it is this time Puck.
GONE TO CANADA.
Kooponn-By the way, Bonds, what
caused the decline in your bank shares
o,day-dividond off.
Bonds Qaconically)-No, cashier
Life.
PEssIMIsTIC.
"Papa, asked johnny Cumso, "whai
is pcssimist
"Mr. Briggs is pcssimist, Johnny,
replied papa. "He always bets against
the home club"
THE NEW ARITHMETIC.
Goodfcllow old chappie, lend
me half u dollar, will You?
Rockaway Beach-Here's dollar. !
haven't any change.
Goodfellow taking it)-All right, old
boy, I'll owe you half then.
hard to fathom the true inwnrdness of
the transaction. New York Sun.
FLY FAKER.
Mrs. Harpy-How did you manage to
acquire such fortune from that little
pamphlet, How to Make Dynamite"
Mrs. SHARPLY used to offer the book,
then pull out a foot section of two-inch
gaspipe, loaded with paper and piece
of rope in one end for n fuse, and tell
them that was how bomb looked when
finished Everybody Thought it was
genuine and subscribed to get rid OF me.
The Epoch.
WHY HE LOOKED TROUBLED.
Tuckor-Why do l look so troubled?
Well, last night / dreamed / died and
was buried, Parker, and l saw the
tombstone at the head OF my grave.
Parker-Saw your tombstone, eh?
And what of it2
"Why, I'm trying to live up to the
epitaph | saw on it. = New York Sun,
GOOD FOR HIM SHE WASN'T.
"Johnny is an awful boy" said Mrs.
Brown. "He hasn't sat still moment
this whole blessed day."
"If was his mother" returned Mrs.
Slipper, "he wouldn't sit still for a
whole month. - Judge.
ONE FOR HARRY.
Harry "a beardless cynic of sevcntcen)
I quite agree with You, Edith, that
Mrs. Bromley's gray hair enhances the
effect of her fresh and youthful COM
plexion, but it dcceives nobody. / sup
pose her locks were red before she
bleached them.
Edith-Come now, Harry, don't be
so hard on her. Such gray hair is nat
ural to many people, ! shouldn't in
the least wonder, Harry, if your NOUS
tache would be gray when it comes out.
CUT OFF.
Frank-The deuce he did And what
did the General say!
Kate-Papa said that il I married
young Ellaby he'd cut me off with a
shilling.
Frank-Bravo Go it, Ellaby! And
did you mention me?
Kate-Yes, Frank, dear, did. Pap
said that if l married yOu he'd cut me
,oithout one l-LTime.
CHOICE IN PETS.
Shyleigh you fond of animals7
Miss Mature Very.
Shyleigh-Which one do you like
| best!
Miss Muture with a far away look)
Man. - Time.
/
"Weigh me, please ," said Briggs, as
he stepped on the groccr's scales.
| The man who manipulated the weights
looked at him in astonishment. Briggs
looked as though he ought to weigh
about 100 pounds, but the beam bal
anced at 202.
"You must have something heavy
about your clothes," said the grocer.
"Oh, that's it," rejoined Briggs; 81
have my summers ice bill in my pock-
et."-[ New York Sun.
ADMIRATION.
care you unfriendly with this man 2"
asked the Judge.
81 am not, sir; used to be, but
amt now"
"What has caused this sudden change
in your feelings 7"
"Well, Judge, 1 never know before
how hard he could hit. He certainly is
a daisy. y Merchant Traveller.
LOST HIS BALANCE.
Mrs. Jaggs Il am. Where have you
been, Johnl
Mr. Jaggs 'shing IN books.
Mrs. Jaggs-Well, if you've found
any balance tonight, John, You GER
tainly have not brought it home with
you.-I Puck.
The ragman dreamed
garment seemed
This statement to have made.---
ooh, when I'm new
don't dread you,
But when I'm old I'm frayed"
Philadelphia Press.
IN DEMAND.
Jack-I'm going back to business to.
morrow. Are you sorTy2
His Enslaver (carncstly)--More than
] can tell you.
jack mot contented with fair com.
pliment)-Why9
His Enslaver we are to have
n picnic to morrow, and I did SO want
you to make our calves head sand
, wiches. Brother Tom has spoken of you
so feelingly in connection with the sub
joct, you KNOW Judge.