Daily Republican., 1889-10-12
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

seeiy customers at fower-show-l
Nurserymen.
+ She: "what kind Of q typewriter do
you preferi" He: ~ think 1 prefer
blonde"
PoetIcal aspirant: "How shall / be-
gin TO punctuate this poemp Editor:
"Begin with full stop and end there"
Bright Boy Ito visiting pastor): Snow
try 1t on me. Mother saya you can put
any one to sleep in five minutes"
Dick: "What an angular girl the
elder Miss Diehard isp' Jack: eyes,
quite an angler. Been after me for ten
years."
School teacher: What is a phenome-
noui Little girl (from Chicago: A
gen'man out walking with his own
wife.
Yes, said Mrs. Porcine, l am mighty
afraid of ghosts, but then keep them
away from me by wearing an omelet
round my neck.
Blobson: Most women have Q strange
habit OF talking to themsel ves. Does
your wife do ~ Dumpseyi Not when
Pm about.
| NoraI AM has your mistress good
taste? Bridget: Good taste, is 1t? Faith,
her dresses look better on me than do
INC own.
SpIggs: Was It not disgraceiul, the
way smiggs snored In church to-day?
stiggs: Ishould think 1t was. Why, he
woke us all up.
Doctor; Aud now, as to the swelllngs
on the back OF your bead, there is moth
ing serious about II at present, but you
must keep your eye on II.
Mrs. Smith (who Is reading humor-
GUS paper); don't see any fun in these
jokes about big bills for the ladies' hats.
Mr.. Smith: ] don't, either.
Thiuskyn: "Whata rare endowment
10 originality / wish could do some
thing out Of the ordinary" Friend
"You might pay your board bill"
Sad faced tramp: "Madam, am O
homeless man." Patient housewife
well, IT you are hons less than my
husband lie, pity your poor WIFE,"
: Husband Ito wife with pet dog). You
should have married Fido instead OF me
Wife (regretfully) But poor Fido hadu'
/ any money. don't you know"
josh Billings divides the human rae
, into three classes: "Those who think |
| 10 30, tuLst hHO ~ 40 NV cpB 1ht
/ those who do not care whether II is SO OF
not"
Is 1t possible, Bridget. that you ar
looking though my trunki Yis, mum
said Bridget, calmly; aud didn't catcl
you looking through mine the othe
dayl
: Even the greatest men on earth ar
made of dust, the same rs the rest OF u
| hat "a ha n
they are able to I'LL the public eye" 6
completely.
Old Mr.. Skinner is a very charitabl
man, isn't he? Oh, yes, of course. BIT
II lie ever casts his bread upon the watei
/. be sure he expects 1t to come back mel
a sandwich.
e My dearest Ida, how is II that you, IL
9 liveliest girl in our set. are going to mari
!. and settle down? Nothing is simpler, IN
n dear. The summer bonnets for matroi
y are so becomingp'
Z Detective: 81 say. you called me
+ lynx-eyed detective IN your paper :
lie day." Reporter: eyes, / did," ID
tective: swell, l want you to CORE
1t. Pm no more lynx.eyed than "
l. arel"
Mr.. Youngcouple: "What is this cal
you have made, darllngP' Mrs. fouu
couple: "a pound cake, sweetest.
Mr.. Youngcouple: u think there mu
be something the matter with t
scales"
$50 you would not take me to
twenty" said young lady to ler pa
ner, whilst they were were looking ov
some music together one evening. WI
would you take me for, thenf' IF
better, for worse" replied he, and he W
accepted.
"Poor Johnnie was kind and II
bearing husband" sobbed Johns wido
"a on her return from the funeral. Eyes
10 said asympsthizing neigbbor; but 1t
all for the best. You must try
comfort yourself, my dear, with
in thought that your husband Ia at peace
I LAST
- $50, YOU are studying for the sta
- my dear2' ''0h, yes. l have been wo
- ing for several months" al suppose u
~ very hard work." 'Indeed It Is. Y
have no idea how tiresome 1t becon
to sit at a dressmaker's all day lo
having one new costume fitted on OIL
another."S
,lgMotbar doesn't think che will go
. ~ the theatre with us tonight, Alber
ma ISIS that sol I've got three tickets. w
Is shall we do with the third onep sc
IN. 1. to the man that you always 90 out
In see between the acts. He can sit "
10, us, and you won't have to 60 out aud
iem him."
mes First doctor: "You have been spre
ing the report that have poisoned sc
aar raj people in this town. / want you
take 1t back" Second doctor: "
taiuIy, don't hesitate to say that til
~ are several people IN this town whom
~ have not yet poisoned. Hope you
satisfied now"
or His First.-Bjenklus: BY tho W
OK Biones, how old is that baby of yo'
Aso Biones (promptly): One year,
months and eight days. His sixth-B.
kins: By the way, Bjones. how old is
y uugest bal y OF yours nowi o. BIS