The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-10-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Red hot-A boiled lobster.
The lovers fayorite actor--AIari-us.
"The board of arbitration"-A single.
Riparion diseases-The cataracts of the
Nile.
The pretty houscmoid is the lily of the
valet
The original "salt union"-Neptune
and Amphitrite.
Smartness is knowing how 10 "catch
on;' wisdom, how to let go.
A poor widow-Onc who can't remain
unmarried any length of time.
An electric spark-Making love by
telegraph. - Washington Capital
A drill is bore-especially to the Of
ficer in charge of the awkward squad
Life.
A John Mary Ann is the latest name for
man that pushes his baby about in
perambulator.
A good resolution is a fine starting
point, but as a terminus it has no value.
Scranton Truth.
What a quiet, economical world we
would live in, if it were not for the move
ments of the under jaw!
'Does the wind always blow this way,
my good man!n ''No, it don't. Some
times it blows the other way"
One of the interesting experiments in
popular chemistry is when youth feeds
h;s NTH T5,4,a
"NYhat are you digging, dear3" "I'm
going to plant mashed potatoes. / like
'em better than the other sort. Life.
There is always room at the top-and
when small man gets there, he only
serves to set off the surrounding vacancy.
-Judge.
The most unfair thing that happens to
women is that engagements are so short
and marriages so long BiHghamton Re-
publican.
Remorsc is a good deal like a wooden
leg. 1t may help you on your way, but
you always think how much happier you
would be without it.
IT'S the church-bell in the steeple
That to worship calls the people;
lis the church-bele IN the cnOn
Calls the young men to admire.
Judge
The auctioneer is no more liable to in
sanity than anybody else, notwithstand-
| ing the fact that he is almost continually
in a more-b bid mental condition. - WASH
HgtOH capital.
A shoemaker hung ont new sign, and
then wondered what passers-by found so
amusing. His sign ran rs follows:
"Don't go elsewhere to be cheated.
Walk in here. '--Ne,o York Tribune.
Prospective Tourist 81 am going
! West because | have reason to believe
hat it's a good place to settle in" Re
turned Tourist-''I am not so sure of
that. lived there ten years myself, and
never paid bill while was there. -
Philadelphia Inquirer.
There was little boy
Whose name was Quick"
He knocked off some apples
With a stick.
! The apples We're so good
That he ate "a,
And now Gf he was good enough
He's in heaven
-DansriHe Breeze.
Simpson-'Well, my boy is through
college now, and / guess | will start him
in one of the professions. sampson
II think he will make a good physician. "
simpson" Why!' Sampson-'In the
next two years that boy is going to have
as fine a set of side whiskers as you ever
saw. ."-Terre Haute Express.
John Loss Consulting a claiyoyanD-
MY watch has been stolen, and want
information that will lead TO its recoy.
! cry.n Clairvoyant - "Cross my palm
with silver dollar. Qt is done and the
clairvoyant falls into trauceD Your
/ watch is in the pocket of a bad man. Find
him; cause his arrest, and the timepiece
will again be yours. '-Jeuclers Weekly,
Weeping Widow-''You are sure, Mr..
Boneplanter, that you will conduct every
hing in a satisfactory manner.' Emil
aent Undertaker-''Have no fear on that
score, | beg of you, Mrs. Billhope OF
all the people have buried in my long
and successful career am proud to say
that not one ever raised the slightest OBJ
lection to my work Tore Hauts E5-
press.
Brother Flacktery, who is 10 occupy
this pulpit next Sunday in my absence
remarked the Kansas City pastor to his
congregation, "is young clergyman re-
siding in St. Louis trust you will re-
ceive him with kindness and cordiality
that may etfectually remove the feeling
of embarrassment he will naturally eX-
perieuce ON his first appearance before a
metropolitan audience. - Chicago Trj-
/ bURs.