The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-07-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

Consider the lilies. They toll not,
but they are xpensive--Bosto1s Her.
ald
The whole truth is so seldom told
that when told it seems like ie.-
Neoo Orleans Picayune.
Affection goes into bankruptcy when
it marrIes for money and fails to get
it.-NeaO Orleans PicGyStaae.
t'Virtue is its own reward" The
principal and interest must amount to
a good deal by this time--Puc6.
A man without character IS always
making fuss about having it vindi-
cated--Nee0 Orleans Ptcdynne.
A man who does not think as you do
is bound to lie rascal unless you are
one yourself. Orleans Pscayslase.
If man can only make his story
somebody to believe it.-Sonler0iLLe
journal.
George Washington was grand ia
ther for country. In his case the Of
flee sought the man.-NetO Orleans
Picayuae.
Now that bustles are going out of
fashion, it is to be hoped that the In
dians will leave off their war whoops.
Puck
st. Peter-Hello, therei Why don't
you come in? Sanity Shade (running
away = Not much. l just caught
sight of my wife in there.
Topics.
Pay your bill twice rather than go
to law. There are as many lawyers
clamoring for the wrong as there are
lawyers clamoring for the right
Atchason Globe
Mr.. Brown-Nonsense, child; there
is no such thing as ghost. Miss
Brown (emphatically)-I tell you, pa,
I've seen one. Mr. B. Gncredulously)
-WhereP Miss BIN the play of
s.Hamlet. .''-Boston Courier.
Boarder Cracking an egg)-Well
declare! Waiter (excitedly)-What is
it? Boarder-Why. this egg has q
double yolk. Waiter = Pooh! that's
nothin'- gen'lnan's yistiddy had q
chicking.-Detteit Ea,ee Press
Yabsley-I saw a cute thing in the
paper this morning. 1t said the easiest
way to get rid of a bore was to lend
him a quarter. Wackwire-Tm aw-
fully sorry, Yabby, but l haven't
cent on me.-Ie're Haote Express.
Nervous old gentleman-Don't you
think it's dangerous for SO many peo-
pie to get in the ferry boat at one timer
Observation-Disclosures, sirp Nota bit
on it. Why, they all paid their money
afore they started.-F'unny FOLKS.
She-''I believe you know my neigh
bors, the Chesterfield Brownsp"- He
s'Haw-well-a-I go to the house.
don 'tcherknow, and dine with 'em Oc-
casionally, and all that; but I'm not
on speaking terms with 'emm-Pu''ch.
Mrs. N. Peck-Soyou thought was
an angel once, did you? Mr.. N. Peek
Yep. Mrs. N. Peck-And you don't
think SO now, Ell? Mr.. N. Peck
Nope. 1 still live in hopes that you
may be, though.-1erre Haute E1press.
A man in California has played 49,
1872 games of whist during the last
tifty-one years, and he thinks it Is .
wanton waste Of time for women to
paint long-legged storks and water-
lilies on brass plaques.-NoTrtstoao's
Herald.
She-Do you love musicP 1 am pas
sionately fond of it. He Gust intro.
duced)- )-I knew you were. watched
you the other nj ght at the opera. and
the way your jaws kept time to the
music was "a She = Sir?-Ierrs
Hdute Express.
The young married boarder-1 real
ly believe that Mrs. Smith thinks more
of that dog of hers than she does OF
her poor little baby. The old bache-
lor boarder-Well, Idon't blame her
bit. He's nice, quiet kind of dog.
-1eyTe Haute EGpress.
Chumler-'.I say, Barker, thought
you said this watch was waterproof.
Here the works are ruined the first
time I got wet" Barker-''My dear
boy, had that watch in soak for six
months before | sold it to you and 1t
didn't hurt it bit. boston Post.
Heard at the theatre-''Who is the
author of this play?" Worth. l be-
lieve" But here, how's thatP The
programme says Shakespeare" Eyes,
/ believe Shakespeare did have some
thing to do with it; but Worth has put
it in presentable shape" - Boston
transcript.
Young wife-I put pan of cake
had lust made on the back porch to
cool off, and a tramp came along and
stole it. Dyspeptic husband-Are you
sure it was a tramp who stole itp'
"Yes; why?" 80, / thought it might
have been an escaped lunatic. "-YaSs-
Zee Blade.
Wibble-"Did you ever know any
ones hair to turn gray from -sorrow?"
Wobble-'.Can't say that l did. l
have often seen an old widower's hair
turn from gray to black about seven
or eight months after burying the
partner of his joys and troubles. -
Terre Haute EGpreSS.
Spectator (to defendant)-Well, ]
guess the Jury will find for you. The
Judges charge was certainly much IN
! your favor. Don't you think so? De-
fendant (moodilv)-O, 1 knew all
! along that the Judges charge would
be ali right It's the lawyers charge
that's worryin' me-DetroH Free Press.
Theatrical manager (despondently)
i am undoneL Wife-Mercy! Has
the theatre burned down? Worse.
That new play on which l spent SO
much money contains such fine moral
lesson that the preacehrs are advising
people to see it. Now it won't draw
enough to pay the ushers. ."-Nea0 York
Weekly.
1t is the subject for an old joke that
the father walks the floor nights with
the cross baby, but almost any woman
will tell you that there is no truth in
it. 1t is safe to assert that not one
man in ten ever did such thing in
his life, and that not two in ten evel
wake up when the baby cries.-Atcha
son Globe.
Plucky, but not hopeful: Pupil
Won please, Mr.. Whackem, I'd like 1
holiday tomorrow. Mr.. W.-Why
Johnny, what do you want holiday
forP Pupil-To git well. Pm goinl
to have a fight with Bully Bob thi
afternoon, and he whales me almost t.
death every time we meet.-Ph'Eadet
phiG Inquirer.
..You are late this afternoon" sait
the music teacher to his banged ant
powdered young lady pupil Yes,
said the damsel, swishing down on tn