Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-10-07
The greyhound is headlong animal.

The greyhound is headlong animal.
Some men are like thirsty cattle-they
are easily led to drink
Can electricians explain why decided
negative is always so positive?
When bad news comes too late to be
servlceable to your neighbor, keep it to
yourself. ...... ..
Never ask a crust of crusty man. Ask
him for meat and he will give you cold
shoulder with pleasure.
An exchange says "Never go into the
water after heavy meal" We don't go
to the restaurant after it.
De taller de tree, de mo- its shuck by
| de wind, so its nachral dat de higher we
| git in dis life de mo- trouble we has.
''You know" she said as clincher,
'woman is the salt of the earth" Yes
too
"Mr. Arson, who is your favoritc au-
thor?" asked a baseballst OF the Chicago
captain. Fielding was the prompt re-
ply.
What's all this talk about "Wild Cat
Insurance Companies?" For nercy's sake
who in the world wants to insure wild
cat?
A dealer advertises a hustle that was
never worn before. What novelty is there
in that? Did any one ever see one that
was?
''Rufus, dar wuZ five pears on this tree
an now L only count four. How's that?"
81 don't know, granny, Mess you count
one twice"
II hear that Harry has left his wife.
What was the matter, | wonder? Couldn't
he support her?H' No; she was insup-
portable"
Given if there were no profit in labor"
remarks Uncle Eek, of the Century, at
is worthy of all acceptance for the pleas
ure it affords"
A carnal reason suggested for the fail
ure of the lions to eat Daniel is that she
was two-thirds backbone and the rest
pure grit
A Michigan man boasts that he was
able to make and sell fifty-two gallons of
maple syrup without buying an ounce of
New Orleans sugar.
He-What were you saying about the
barometer, dear? She--Only that it would
not tick, so changed it away at the door
for a buttea-dish.''
''There," said the new lady of the cas-
tie, "are the graves of the former owners
ancestors. My ancestors" she added
proudly, care all living"
1 have got an account of a landslide,
said the new reporter. What head shall
put it under? Put it under Real Estate
Transfers. said the snake editor.
Mrs. Selby-Doctah, de chile dun gone
swaller pint OBJ ink. Docter-Hab yo'
dun ennyding fo' de relief OBJ i'm? Mrs.
Selby-Ps dun made i'm eat free sheets
OBJ blottin' paper, doctah. Was dat rite?"
An American editor was once writing
to Connecticut brother, ''Send full par
ticulars of the food" meaning an inunda-
ton that had lately taken place there.
<sYou will find them in Genesis" was the
answer.
Ministerial Friend Con visit): Il
wonder what makes your mamma so hap
Ply to-day. She is singing around all over
the house, Little Nell: Il dess she's
thought of somefn' to scold papa about
when he comes home"
''Didn't you tell me you could hold the
plough?" said farmer to an Irishman he
had taken on trial. "Be aisy now" says
Pat. Chow could L hould it, an two
horses pullin' it away? just stop the cray
turs, an I'll hould it for ye."
Mrs Hendricks to Widow jenkins, who
had just dropped in: ''There is nothing
in the market, and L am so bothered to |
know what to get for" Bobby, interrupt
ing-"Why, ma, you said this morning
Mrs. Jenkins was in the market"
Mrs Cummins-So that brute of hus-
band of yours actually struck you with
his horrid fist What did my little dar-
ling daughter do then? Married Daugh- |
teri split his head open with a rolling |
pin. He's in the hospital now, mamma.
Two Paris loafers are reading a notice
Lost black poodle. One hundred |
francs reward" One of them says to the |
other: s'You must take the one you stole
yesterday ''But it is white" "You
must say that it turned white with grief"
Lady-Where's the lobster? Biddy-
Sure, mum, / put him in the pot, and
when went out somebody changed him
for another. Mine was green, and the
one l found red. 1 thought yeZ
moight be pizened. so chucked him in the
strate.'
How nice Miss Bell Is looking, Addie. Yes,