The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1889-07-05
VARIETIES.

-Customer-"Say, waiter, this shad tastes
very tisby." Waiter-"Yes, sab; shads Ia
fish, sab"
In California they make alcohol out of
beets. In this climate we make "beets" out
of alcohol.
Now that bustles are going out of fashion,
IL is to be hoped that the Indians will
leave of their war whoops.
Every man ought to have a wife. fla
man is happily married, that one rib is worth
all the other bones in his body.
Amateur Hubert-"Me lud, five moons
were seen tonight, four fixed and the other
did whir." Muttied voice from the audience
did jever-hic-try bromide?"
Our dear sister," said the Nebraska
pastor, "has gone to better land-that is, If
there be any better land than can be found
right here in the Missouri bottoms"
-Customer-"Say Rothstein, who's that
man doing all that yelling and screaming and
swearing at the clerks in the rear Of the
storeY" Rothstein-"O, dot vos Rosenberg,
der silent pardner,"
"A patriotic son of Erin was declaiming
against England's injustice and Ireland's
sutterings. while Ireland remains SILENT"
he exclaimed, England will be deaf to her
heart-rending cries.
If we can take to duty kindly, and make
of her lifelong friend, she will reassure the
heart which feels that 1t is breaking, and
give it foretaste of happiness perhaps when
it shall really break at last.
-Obe they called him, because his name
was Obediah. They were getting up tableaux,
and when Obe's girl was asked what charac-
ter she would prefer to take, she replied,
naively; ANY part, SO that can be Niobe."
An old author quantity remarks: avoid
arguments with ladies. In spinning yarns
among silks and satins, man is sure to be
worsted and twisted and when man is
worsted ard twisted he may consider himself
wound up"
My little two year old had added some
thing new to the story of Joseph and his
brethren. / told him the Bible version of
the story, and he seemed much interested in
Josephs coat of many colors. When / had
finished he said Papa, tell me about his
pants"
Two gray.haired grangers met in the cir
Gus yesterday afternoon. AS the eyes of each
looked recognition at the other their hands
joined in friendly grasp, and one of them
said: "Well, knew all the boys would be
here to-day" And there were many such
gray -haired and ray-bearded boys among
the spectators.
Goodness in Danger.
holu w hildul benuOAp III LIS ncCOLcC>
tions," tells story of GOODNESS of the Duke of
Wellington. The French, with fresh force,
double that of the duke, were closing in
upon his jaded troops, one stormy night in
Spain. Wellington completed his prepara-
lions and then turning to q scout, said:
"How long will it be before they can reach
us?"
Half an hour" was the reply.
"Then | can go to sleep" he said, and,
wrapping his cloak about him, he dropped
where he stood In the muddy trench and in
an instant was asleep. He woke when the
bugles of the enemy sounded in his ears.
Napoleon, his soldiers were accustomed to
declare, not only slept soundly when under
fire, but even when riding on horseback.
Gen. Grant also had the same faculty of
falling instantly asleep even in the face of
danger.
This singular physical trait is not more a
proof Of courage than cause of it; the brain
in these brief moments of sleep, finds new
vitality, and wakens ready for the conflict
again.
A story is told of famous English ad-
miral, Sir Sidney Smith, whose ship, the An
telope, in terrible storm in the North sea
was driven among the rocks. Sir Sydney sum-
moned his officers to the cabin.
Gentlemen, you know our condition. We
hlC W tuc DlCdhtis. dChuOWlcuBS
l can do nothing more. If any of you can
make suggestion, now is the time"
There was an unbroken silence.
Then there is nothing to be done but to
await our fate" He touched the BELL
pierre, bring up the coffee"
A story came from Switzerland year ago,
of mountain guide whose name was not
preserved. He, with two others, was lead
ing party over one OF the most precipitous
passes Of the higher Alps. The men, as is
usual, were tied to each other by long rope.
As they scaled the wall of ice they slipped
on the edge ola frightful chasem. This man
was at the end of the rope. Without his
weight there was a chance for the others to
regain their footing; with it, there was none.
He cast glance down at the dark abyss,
filled with fathomless SHOWS. then drew his
knife from his belt, saying quietly to the man
next to him:
"Tell mother how ii was joe"
He cut the rope and fell, never to be seen
of mortal man again.