davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
England.

England.
In the case of almost every mill and
factory destroyed by fire ''the most
complete system of fire protection"
was put in at the building to avoid
just such calamity. There is al
ways some reason why this protection
seldom protects-pumps out of order
steam down-engineer gone, or some
other excuse.
The Vieomtess de Courval. an Amer
lean, is regarded as so like a goddess
in the world of Partisan fashion that
gossip declares that were she to fall
from the top of the Eiffei tower count
less fair ParisienneS would be driven
to commit suic de in the same way in
the mere and vain hope that they could
initiate her 81 sceful descent.
Before the ISthmus of Suez was
pierced by the canal there was almost
no sharks in the Mediterranean, the
passage through the Straits of Gibral-
ter not being to their liking. Now,
however, they come in by way of the
canal and in such numbers that in
more than one watering place, and es-
pecially on the Adriatic, the sign has
gone up, Beware of Sharks"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Fair Card-PIaying.

1t is usually presumed that when a
person sits down to play game of cards
he knows something about It. But
sometimes he doesn't and doesn't know
that he doesn't. I was playing at a
whist club the other night, said Louis
vile gentleman "and had for my part
ner young lady at once handsome and
dignifed. / had a good hand of trumps
and a strong suit, but couldn't get the
lead. so I signaled for trumps. No at.
tention was paid to the signal, and !
never got an entry. The result was that
we lost two points where we should have
made three, When the hand was over j
said:
i You did not notice my trump signal,
! presume?
My partner looked a little discon.
certed at first, and then raising her love-
ly brow, looked me squarely in the eye
and said, with very marked emphasis on
the personal pronoun:
g I play cards fairly always; l never
make signs.
I nearly fell under the table but
made no further comment upon my part
ner's play.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
The Old Broken Bucket.

How sad to my heart are the memories Of
childhood,
When passing reflections present them tc
view,
The cane of rattan that when I had been
Wild would
Descend on my back in a lively tattoo.
Inc m sta Wood-p1le, the axe that
The torture these caused me no language
can tell:
And, oh, how pale as in fancy spy it,
49, The bucket on wash day I bore to the well
The ,paint-covered bucket the bale-rope
bound bucket,
The old broken bucket I bore to the well.
The bony old horse and the wreck it dragged
The quaint village school house that stood
near the hin,
The church where our features, distorted
We could not suppress, can picture them
still.
The motley attendance of overgrown child
Who rallied at school to the sound of the
bell
But, o6 the deep cup of my anguish was
The bucket on wash day bore to the well.
The wire-handed bucket, the lop-sided bucket
The old broken bucket bore TO the well.
The fussy schoolmaster, who frowned on all
Is gone and his voice viii no longer be
heard;
The wel-deserved slipper and woes without
number,
All deepest resentment within me have
stirred,
But one recollection with terror still fills me
And casts Ger my childhood sad, painful
No other event with such feelings instills
As the bucket on wash day bore to the
The old, leaky bucket, the weather-warped
bucket,
The old broken bucket bore to the well.
Alex. Won Adelung.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
His Bald Head Won Him a Wife.

In the book of Mrs. Laulii Willis,
the Samoan woman whose husband, a
contractor, left Alameda several days
ago and has since been missing, oc-
ours the following quaint story of how
she fell in love with her husband:
''The first thing | saw when we
went alongside the ship was a white
man with bald head. That looked
very funny to ne, as had never seen
bald-heaaed man before. He was
real fat and nice looking, but he did
not have any hair on his head; and |
got my brother, who could talk En-
glish, to ask him, just as soon as we
got aboard, where was all the hair
that belonged on his head. And the
white man told him that he lived in
California, and they did not have any
cold weather there, but had what they
called "a glorious climate and the
climate had taken all the hair off his
head. We got very well acquainted,
and l liked him. because when another
white man kept talking to me this one
with the bald head quarrelled with
him and knocked him down so he
should not bother me. Oakland TIT
b2L1le
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Capturing a Tune.

1t is probable that there is not s.
man, woman, or child in Georgia who
never heard the song ''Good-by, My
Lover. Good-by." 1t is a jolly planta-
ton ballad, used by serenading parties
in the rural districts until it has be-
come the midnightreverie of the sleep
ing citizens in many places. During
a recent revival in the Methodist
church at Milledgeville its tune was
introduced to that sublime hymn.
There is Fountain Filled with
Blood" with a refrain, by and By
Well See the King" Night after
night this new Interpretation rang out
from the hundreds of throats that at
tended the services, causing a smile to
those who saw its comical side, until
its novelty wore off, and it was estab-
lished as a fixture in the song service
of the church. 1t is one of the most
popular songs of the church now, and
a tune that would have been regarded
as dissertation of the Sabbath few
weeks ago is now whistled on Sundays
in good taste.-Mac0n Telegraph.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08

I heard story lately of the expe-
riences of minister which are some
times pathetic and sometimes amusing.
An old parson was in need of horse,
and the sisters of the flock determined
to raise the money to buy the desired
animal. After much eXertion they
raised an amount considerable below
the estimated price, and the beast ac-
quired was proportionately deficient
in the qualities which make Bucepha-
lus superior to Rosinante. One day
when the horse was tied in front of the
parsonage a sporting man drove by,
and. seeing the outfit, stopped and re-
marked to the parson: ''Wen, dom
inie, that isn't much of an animal the
sisters gave you. is it?" Don't say a
word against the horse, said the par
son Indignantly; that's better beast
than my Savior rode into Jerusalem. :"
The sport Igravely descended from
his carriage, examined the horses legs,
gazed into his blinded eyes, and looked
at his teeth. As he closed the horses
mouth and turned away he laconically
remarked.
Same beast, parson, same beast. -
st. Paul Pioneer Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Hindoo Superstitions.

The HindOos are early risers, says
Science. In the warm seasOn-extend-
ing from April to October-they sleep
either upon the housetop or in the
courtyard or in the veranda if rain
should be threatening, and are usually
up at 5 o'clock or earlier in the morn
ing. In the cold weather. when they
sleep within doors, they rise later, but
they are out before z. Rising in the
morning while but half awake, the
HindoO repeats the name of Rama sew
eral times. Happening to yawn, he
Immediately fllips his thumb and
middle finger, though he does not know
why.
He prepares for his morning toilet.
He plucks twig from the bitter Neem
tree, breaks of span length of it,
brushes one end between his teeth,
and extemporizes toothbrush. He
next draws up water from the well in
the yard with an iron bucket and pre-
pares to wash his hands and face.
This is quickly done. He then throws
on an extra garment, the thickness and
texture depending on the season and
weather, lights his hooka, takes few
pulls with his euphonious hubble-bub-
Bile, and is ready to go out. With
passing .Rama, Rama" to friend or
acquaintance, and neighborly gossip
by the way, he repairs to his place of
business.
While going he will sedulously avoid
those signs and sounds which may
augur i'll for the day. Should one
sneeze or should he hear the cawing
of crow or the cry of kite or should
he meet an Gilman or one blind or
lame or see a cat cross his path he
would be greatly distressed as to the
day before hi m. On the other hand ii
fox crosses his path, if he hears
gong or shell summoning him to wor-
ship, or if he meets a Brahman With
his head uncovered, he will rejoice.
hailing it as suspicious. Some are SO
superstitious that if any evil portent
occurs on the way they would return
home, have smoke or chew betels
leaf, and proceed afresh.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
4 GRAvEDIGGER.
JUS play on words is found in

A ludicrous play on words is found in
the following:
! r. tles two brothers by water confounded;
@ ,itcd of dropsy, the other was drownded,
It is recorded that on the occasion of
I demise of certain Anderson, who
was Mayor of Dundee, in Scotland, tour
Aldermen of that city were deputed to
exert their literary powers in composing
l. rrtlph, each being limited to the
composition of single line. The first
had "a easiest part of the task, for he
tonk Jctuge in the square assertion:
U les Anderson, Mayor of Dundee.
l.g ext who cudgeled his brains could
o. 4 to add:
Here lies him, here lies he.
rd had still the gantlet to run, and
/ asudden pull-up. in the words of
/ r Weller. and inscribed VIII at
.o j finale in:
Hanelujah, hallelujee.
wind-up put the fourth literary
who had to mount the
in despair, and all the addition
make was:
A.B.C. D.EF.G.
corner of the Green Isle the fol-
lit may be seen on tomb:
lies Jack and by him Mary,
k by jowl and never vary:
onder they so well agree,
wants no grog and Mol no tea,
same country an epitaph on a
ids as follows:
who with his shears,
these many years,
ny yard of fringe;
oadcoath too, both black and blue,
ard 1T cost pound.
ag well none could excel
Itch was neer yet found.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Two Daring Souls.

81 say, old chappie," remarked the
exquisise creature in burst of conf
dence, Il want to tell you of an awful
scrape l got into to-day. Tom was in
It. too. We were going out to lunch,
you know, and we couldn't find our
gloves. A fellah couldn't think of
going out to lunch. you know, without
his gloves to carwy in his hands, you
know, and by gwacious, we were half
afwaid we'd starye 10 death. 1t was
awful, don't you know; but just as we'd
about resigned ourselves to our terri
Bile fate, Fwank came along. Fwank
is felIah of illimitable wesource,
don't you know, and he loaned US his
gloves. We each took one. and car
ried them in our hands. for all the
world as if we'd had a pair apiece.
1t was an awful narrow escape from
starvation 1t makes me twemble
when / think Of it.'i-Bostora Tran.
script.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
WHY sELLAMY WROTE HIS BOOK.
How He Came to Form the Ideas to
Looking Backward.

accept more readily che invitation
to tell in the Nationalist how | came
to write Looking Backward" writes
Edward Bellamy, for the reason that it
will afford an opportunity to clear up
certain points on which inquiries have
been frequently addressed to me. 1
never had. previous to the publication
of the work, any utilization with any
class or sect of industrial, or social re-
formers, nor to make my confession
complete, any particular sympathy
with undertakings of the sort.
In undertaking to write Looking
Backward" | had, at the outset, no
idea of attempting serious contribu-
ton to the movement of social reform.
The idea was of mere literary fantso
sy. a fairy tale of social felicity.
In order to secure plenty of elbow
room for the fancy and prevent awk-
ward collisions between the ideaA
real world [ fixed the date of the story
in the year A. d. 5000.
Emboldened by the impunity my isola<
ted position secured me / was satisfied
with nothing less than the whole earth
for my social palace. In its present
form the story is a romance of 40
ideal nation. but in its first form it
was romance of an ideal world.
ahe idea of committing the duty of
maintaining the community to an in
dustrial army precisely as the duty of
protecting it is intrusted to military
army was directly suggested to me by
the grand object lesson of the organi-
cation of an entire people for national
purposes presented by the military
system of universal service for fixed
and equal terms, which has been prac-
tically adopted by the nations of Eu-
rope and theoretically adopted every
where else as the only just and only
effectual plan of public defense on q
great scale.
Something in this way it was that,
no thanks to myself, | stumbled over
the destined cornerstone of the new
social order. 1t scarcely needs TO be
said that having once apprehended it
for what it was, it became a matter of
pressing importance to me to show it
in the same light to other people. This
led to a complete recasting, both in
form and purpose, of the book | was
engaged upon. Instead of a mere
fairy tale of social perfection, it be-
came the vehicle of definite scheme
of Industrial reorganization. The
form of romance was retained, al
though with some Impotence, in the
hope of inducing the more to give it
at least reading.
Instead of the year A. d. 5000,
that of A. D. 1000 was fixed upon as
the date of the story. Ten centuries
had at first seemed to me none too
mucn to allow for the evolution of
anything like an ideal society, but
with my new belief as to the part
which the national organization of
industry is to play in bringing in
the good time coming, it appeared TO
me reasonable to suppose that by the
year 1000 the order of things which
we looked forward to will already
have become an exceedingly old story.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Copper-Skinned STATISTICS.

The Indian agencies are sixty-one
in number.
Number of houses occupied by In
dams. u, 232.
Estimated number of Indians in
Alaska, $4,000.
Number of Indians living on and
cultivating lands is 9,612.
The total Indian population of the
United States is 247, 751.
Number of Indian church members
in the United States is 1903.
Number Of Indians in the United
States who can read English is but
Is, 495.
There are ten Indian training schools
located in different parts of the union.
Number Of Indians in the United
States who wear citizens dress is ST.
621.
Number of Indians in the United
States who can read the Indian lam
guage is ,027.-Aibany journal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08

There is a host of men in these parts
who are leading quiet. respectable
lives who did not use to be so respect
able and quiet, says the New York
Tribune. They came to the west when
it was the fashion to shoot a man If
you didn't like the cut of his coat or
thought his grammar too good. Being
at Rome they did as the Romans did.
But as custom changed they have con-
siderably changed with it. Their
blood still runs briskly, however, and
You don't want to swear at them I'M
necessarily. Though they rarely talk
about it, they are quite proud of their
earlier career and like to have it I'M
derstood that once upon time they
were ba-ad men. One day last week a
big, rough-looking fellow entered a
Pullman car and began to smoke and
sing vulgar songs. The colored por-
ter begged him to desist, but he shout
ed back that he would smoke where
he pleased and sing what he pleased
and no blamed niger could stop him.
An elderly gentleman sitting near
called the porter aside and asked him
if he knew the express agent in the
forward car.
eyes. sah," answered the porter,
"I does, sab; name O. Marshall, sab. :"
''Well, give him this card, and tell
him to come here immediately
The porter went off, and presently
a robust, heavy, thick-set fellow en-
tered, glanced about the car, perceiv-
cd the elderly man, and came for
ward.
''Do you remember me?" said the
elderly man.
81 guess so,'' was the rather hesitat-
ing answer.
"Aren't you sure?"
Yes"
''Do you see that fellow yonder.
yelling and smoking?"
Yes"
Can you get away with him?"
81 ant fearful to try"
Put him in the smoking-car."
The robust fellow promptly went
over to where the rough was sitting
and said Partner, you've got to git
out of here. I'm told to put you out.
Fightin's right in my line, if YOU say
fight | don't want no trouble, but
it all lays with you. Come, now, gitr'
For moment there were signs of
battle, but in another moment the
rough thought better of it and meekly
allowed himself to be led away. The
robust fellow returned and reported
that it was all right.
you've lost none of your nerve
since l saw you last" remarked the
elderly man.
Marshall smiled all over. 81 guess
I'm some account yet, SIR he replied.
Il hope your KNOWN me ant going
to lose me my job?"
ooh, no. Take care of yourself;
that's all"
Marshall retired. Another traveller.
speaking to the elderly man, observed
that the express agent looked like
good fighter.
Good! 1 should say so.. I knew
him in the Black Hills years ago when
was sheriff there. He was punching
cows. He has killed his man several
times. Didn't it tickle him when |
told him he hadn't l-st his nerve?"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Perfume for Ladies' Boots.

1t is becoming quite the thing now
adays among the fashionable shoe
makers to sift either orris-root powder
or some lasting cnetpowder between
the leather and the lining of ladies'
boots. They also have in stock dainty
little shakers filled with the powder
mixed with soapstone, which may be
used at will. The shakers are about
twice the size of an ordinary pepper
shaker. and can be found in china up
on which are pretty designs, cut glass
with silver tops, carved sandalwood
and silver, either engraved or ham,
mered.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
This is found at Long Island on the

grave of carpenter:
No wonder he sawed short life's span,
For long he was IN ailing man.
The following appeared on the grave
of glaZier not far from Boston, Mass.
Precarious dealer; death. alas!
Has Snapt in two LIES brittle glass.
Keen was the q 'mond or the pane,
And well the putty stopped the rain;
But all the arts were weak thro' life,
Death cut more certain with his scythe,
And thou. safe from 2 rainy day.
Are putty'd up in mother clay.
The closing stanza of an epitaph to the
memory of Little Jerry" reads thus:
No doubt twas weaving injured little Jerry
The bottle seemed TO damp his stomach :
tone.
But with the angels he gets plump and merry,
For there's no nursing bottle where he :
gone.
The composer of the following in
scription on tombstone in Virginia
seems to have taken the same view of
marital felicity as the author of Ten
Little Niggers":
Here lies the body of John Curtis. who died
--. aged y years, aud yet lived but
seven, being the time of his keeping bach
elors house at Arlington, on the eastern
shore of Virginia.
This interesting and instructive efu-
sion is found on grave in st. Mary s
Churchyard, Burlington, n. j.:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Worth More Than Its Weight in Gold.

The most valuable book in the world
is said TO be a Hebrew Bible at the
Vatican in Rome. In 1912 Pope
Julius, then in great financial straits,
refused to sell it TO a syndicate of rich
Venetian Jews for its weight in gold.
The Bible weighs more than 325
pounds, and is never carried by less
than three men. The price refused by
Pope Julius was therefore about S125,-
900, and that, too. when gold was
worth at least thrice what it is now
worth.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
A Deserved Fate.

Editor: I'm sorry, Squaggs, but
you'll have to CO." Foremen: ''Pd like
to know what I've done Editor:
We'll, I wrote about that gallant old
war-horse, Col. Bllinger, and you set it
up that gallous old saw-horse It's your
place or my life, and I waLt to live
Hdrper's Bazar.
Everybody in Terre Haute, Ind, is
getting up company to bore for oil.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
Nitrate Fields of Chilli.

The great nitrate fields are about
thirty miles INLAND from Iqinui, and
that city experts 16. 100000 quintals of
this substance. The export of nitrate
brings in the handsome sum of $780,
900 per month to the custom-nouse.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-08
TOMBSTONE OBITUARIES.
THE WORK OF MoRTUARY MUSES..
Stray Bits of Gravestone Humor from
Both Sides of the Atlantic.

N3SNi bl1O DIII1Su 15IdulS one
- NY naturally finds him
III ), u self occasionally ex-
NaihI ~ " ploring a rural burial
~~-s..~' ground; not without
difficulty can many of
the inscriptions be rescued from oblivion,
for the neglected condition in which
most of such places are found shows
them to be used as a place to bury the
dead out of sight, and nothing more; in
no place can the rank luxuriance of the
tangled mass of weeds be seen so ram
pant. The majority of graves are
marked by headstone, sculptured;
many are ordinary stone extracted from
a farm or quarry, with nothing to de-
note the name or quality of the one who
has found there resting-place. In
some cases where parents who are poor
desire to keep alive the memory of a child
they have lost, a small wooden, painted
memorial may be seen. There is gen
orally one tomb that surpasses all others,
in closed in high iron ratings inserted
in granite, the enclosed space containing
trees and plants, and a handsome stone
or stones bearing the names of the fam
lily Of the principal landed proprietor of
the district, perhaps the lord of the
manor.
Those who will take the pains to pene-
trate the mass of surrounding heritage
or clear away the lichens and decayed
vegetable matter obliterating inscrip-
tions will find much to interest and a
great deal provocative of mirth. If
FROM the sublime to the ridiculous is but
step, from a gush of pathetic senti-
mentality to the same goal on tomb
stone is a still shorter one. Some of the
departed are given credit for every virtue
they did not possess-relations perhaps,
having prosecuted them to DEATH then
canonized them in obsequies. When
man and wife are known to have led a
Cat and dog existence, which ever sur
wives puts plaster on the tombstone to
the effect that they walked together in
perfect harmony all the years of their
marital felicity. The sole use of words
being to conceal the truth is most OBJ
aeryable in numerous cases.