Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-07-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

but they are expensive.-Bostoa Her
! aid.
The whole truth is so seldom told
| that when told it seems like a lie.-
! Neao Orleans Picayat'ae.
Affection goes into bankruptcy when
it marrles for money and fails to get
it.-Neac Orleans Picaynne.
Virtue is its own reward" The
principal and interest must amount to
good deal by this time.-Pasck.
A man without character is always
making a fuss about having it vindi-
cated.-Neao Orleans Picayxae.
A man who does not think as you do
is bound to be rascal unless you are
one yourself.-Nea0 Orleans Picdg4ue.
If man can only make his story
! improbable enough he can always find
somebody to believe Someruille
Journal.
George Washington was a grand IA
| Their for country. in his case the Of
flee sought the man.-Ne10 Orleans
Picayune.
Now that bustles are going out of
| fashion, it is to be hoped that the In
dians will leave off their war whoops.
Puck.
st. Peter-Hello, therei Why don't
you come IMP SANITY Shade drumming
| away = Not much. / just caught
sight of my wife in there.-Tolon
Topics.
Pay your bill twice rather than go
| to law. There are as many lawyers
| clamoring for the wrong as there are
lawyers clamoring for the right
AtchaS0n Globe.
Russian fashion note: The Gar
has returned to st. Petersburg and
| changed his winter suit of boiler iron
for light spring suit of cast STEEL
| Washington Post.
Friend-I suppose you write when
the spirit movesP Poet-Well, yes,
that's about the way with me. l write
| when the spectre moves. 1.-The spec
| tire of want. y Yankee Blade
"Why do you put that vile liquor
| down your throat?" asked the philan-
| thropist of the topper. 4 am seeking
| for-get-full-ness," said the topper to the
philanthropist.-Terre Haaste Express.
At the opera: Wilkinsby's wife
Why do they call the prima donna the
diva, George? Wilkinsby i don't
know, unless it is because she isn't
afraid to jump into the high C.-Matn-
sey's Weekly.
Mr.. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, child there
is no such thing as a ghost. Miss
Brown (emphatically)-1 tell you, pa,
I've seen one. Mr.. B. Gncredulously)
-WhereP Miss Bin the play of
| "Hamlet. Boston Courier.
Boarder Cracking an egg)-Well 1
declare! Waiter (excitedly)-What is
it? Boarder-Why, this egg has a
double yolk. Waiter = Pooh that's
nothin'- genlman's yistiddy had a
CHECKING. Detroit Free Press.
Yabsley-I saw cute thing in the
! paper this morning. 1t said the easiest
way to get rid of bore was to lend
him a quarter. Wackwire-r I'm aw-
fully sorry, Yabby, but l haven't a
cent on me.-Terre Haate Express.
Nervous old gentleman-Don't you
think it's dangerous for so many peo-
pie to get in the ferry boat at one time?
| ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. sirP Nota bit
on it. Why, they all paid their money
afore they started.-F'unmy Folks.
She-'I believe you know my neigh
bors, the Chesterfield Browns?" He
t'Haw-well-a-I go to the house,
| don 'tcherknow, and dine with 'em oc-
casionally. and all that; but I'm not
on speaking terms with 'em!"-Punch.
Mrs. n. Peck-Soyou thought | was
an angel once, did you? Mr.. n. Peck
Yep. Mrs. n. Peck-And you don't
| think so now, Ell? Mr.. n. Peck
! Nope. [ still live in hopes that you
may be, though. -Ierre Houte EGpress.
A man in California has played 49,
1872 games of whist during the last
tifty-one years. and he thinks it is
wanton waste of time for women to
paint long-legged storks and water
lilies on brass plaques. -Norristoa0a
Herald.
She-Do you love musicP l am pas
sionately fond of it. He Gust intro
duced)-I knew you were. / watched
you the other night at the opera. and
the way your jaws kept time to the
music was a She = Sir?-Ierre
A1~teoO L'DPf Oo"'
The young married boarder-I real
| ly believe that Mrs. Smith thinks more
Of that dog of hers than she does of
her poor little baby. The old bache-
lor boarder-Well, don't blame her
bit. He's nice, quiet kind of dog.
-TeTre Haute Express.
Chumler-'I say, Barker, thought
you said this watch was waterproof.
Here the works are ruined the first
time l got wet" Barker-'My dear
boy, had that watch in soak for six
months before l sold it to you and it
didn't hurt it bit. Boston Post.
Heard at the theatre-"Who is the
author of this play?" Worth, be-
lieve." "But here, how's thatp The
programme says Shakespeare" eyes,
/ believe Shakespeare did have some
thing to do with it; but Worth has put
it in presentable shape" - Boston
! Transcript.
Young wife-I put pan of cake l
had just made on the back porch to
cool off, and tramp came along and
stole it. Dyspeptic husband-Are you
sure it was tramp who stole itP''
Eyes; why?" 80, | thought it might
have been an escaped lunatic. "-Tan-
lee Blade.
Wibble-"Did you ever know any
ones hair to turn gray from sorrow?"
Wobble-"Can't say that | did. l
| have often seen an old widower's hair
turn from gray to black about seven
/ III off a