The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-10-31
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Few Sharp Remarks from an Honored
Contemporary.

A Few Sharp Remarks from an Honored
Contemporary.
DON'T BLAME HIM-Last Tuesday night
the city treasurer of this town jumped out
with all the public moneys he could lay hands
on. The aggregate sum was only S65, but no
one should blame him for skipping out witt
that small sum. 1t was all he could get, and
he had become so disguised at having to as
sociate with the members Of the common
council that he would probably have gone
with S25
Fun AHEAD.-Alderman O'Grady didn't
take our remarks of last week in the right
spirit We called him thief, liar and drunk
ard, and instead of admitting the charges
like gentleman he INDUCES in threats Of
personal violence Come on, Mr.. O'Grady !
Wen try and make it lively for you
And, By the way, while on this subject, we
feel to observe that Of all the corrupt, dis
honest, knavish, drunken public bodies ever
convened in a room together our town coun-
Gil caps the climax. Next week we shall be-
gin a war of determination on these vipers,
and if the fur don't fly it won't De our fault
IT CAN'T BE DONE Now.-For year or
more after we siNicls this town We could be
kicked and cuffed with perfect IMMUNITY,
even by a low down Indian. We were
knocked down, booted up and down the
street, and had our nose pulled out Of shape
two or three times per week, and we never
thought of resisting. We were tenderfoot
of the tenderfootedest sort, ami it was a
question whether we should pull through or
not.
Let some one attempt to tweak our nose
todayl The offer of u hundred dollars in
cash wouldn't tempt man in town to try it
on. We are no longer a tenderfoot. The
man who sets ont TO lift" US now has got to
beat chain lightning. Every chap who has
piled into us for the last ten months has had
to be carried off on a shutter, and two Of
them, as the town records show, sleep peace
fully among the daisies.
Ir MELTED Us.-It is well known all over
town we have held mortgage for the last
three months on the entire outfit Of our con-
temporary. 1t covers everything but his
own worthless carcass, and can be foreclosed
any minute. This being the case, we are Of
ten asked why we don't take possession when
that blotch on journalism refers to US in such
endearing terms as "jackass, "iar," "bypo-
critic" and so forth.
We did go over one day last week calculat-
ing to turn him out on the sand hills, but he
fell to weeping and melted US While it seems
hard for man to be abused by his own prop
erty, we haven't the heart to kick away the
barrel And, besides, he runs such an abject
apology for weekly newspaper that The
Kicker receives hosts of compliments by COM
parison. We are not going to be mean with
him-not unless he quits abusing us and tries
to publish good paper.
A NEW DEPARTMENT.-As will be noticed
by all our subscribers we add new depart
ment to The Kicker this week-that of fore
casting the weather We have arranged
signal office on the roof of our own building
and shall take observations hourly. We
have also purchased a map of the United
States and have arranged Il programme by
which We expect nine-tenths of our predic-
lions to be verified This has been a long
felt want in this locality and the enterprise
of The Kicker will no doubt be duly appreci-
ated.
We shall start out at a slow pace and do
no rushing until the harness fits well Our
first northumberland; warmer; cloudy;
COOL may rain and may not"-is a sort of a
feeler, and we do not advise any of our
readers to give up fishing excursion or a
Sunday school picnic ON account of it. We
hope in time to get used to the hang of the
thing, and after we have we guarantee to
beat the government out of sight or wear
one shirt all winter.-Deh'oit Free Press.