davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
An Army of 1lumorists.


The woods arc full OF humorists. As
Josh Billings oneo remarked about
philosophers, There are so many Of them
It's a wonder anybody's LEFT 10 hoe corn"
few of the humorists write for the
papers, but the great majority are "guilt-
less OF their country's blood y as far as
writing goes. They don't write, but they
know how easy il would be for them to do
80. and how quickly they could find favor
with the public II they only wanted to-
They read Bill Nyc's best productions and
scorpfully say, THAT feller amt no
humorist; could beat him and not half
try" but for some reason they never try.
The would-bc, or rather could-be, humor-
ist usually earns about $50 year saving
wood or hopping counter, while Nye
struggles along Oh an income OF sl5,O0o a
year from his writings. One would think
that ont OF the scores and hosts that can
write so much better than Nye one or two
of them would work at II permanently.
One style of humorist IL ethical. His
articles are meant to he funny In mild
way, but they must firsi be strictly accord
ing TO form. The ethical humorist hates
articles usually begin: We Siuntered
into a barber shop recently, and as the
barber was oiling our hair he asked us IL
our baby had finished cutting its teeth. F"
The pronoun may be cgotistical, but in
such cases II looks better than the idotic
eve +"
Every country village Is lam full of hu-
morists There IL always an old Uncle
somebody-or-other who is perfect para
gon OF wit. The fame yet lives Of the
wonderful hit he made when a public
speaker in making an address asked
What shall do ?' by loosely bcllowing
out, " Set up tho drinks " When he goes
into the village store and asks the price of
a spool Of thread, he humorously tells the
storekeeper that he thinks all his ilk are
thieves and liars. which il so irrcsistibly
funny to the crowd of loafers that they
nearly split their sides laughing. Almost
every village also has a quotation hui
morist, who always prefacos his remarks
with As the feller says. "
The first baby in "A family is always a
great humorist and says the funniest
things ] do declare. bordic's mommy
asked Dordie IL he owed her, and the ii ,ty-
witty fng said "Goo."
Academy students and country school
teachers are opposed To humOrists. The
articles their souls rejoice in are the kind
headed, Whittier is our Progress Trend
ingY" " The Baneful Influence af Ami
mnlculm in Tea Leaves" etc.
\ country school teacher once told me
(usl that he could see no sense in tho adj
rnration people professcd for Dickens; in
his opinion there was no plot worth speak
ing of in his novels, and he spoiled what
little there was by trying TO be funny. Ii
this critical pedagogue had over heard OF
Shakespeare he would have known another
case Of misplaced public admiration, for
hs often fell into the fault of trying to bo
funny"
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
Ihi- Years Elections.

From the Albany Argus.
The current year is notably an con year"
in general politics. only eleven states
elect state officers this year. Kentucky will
hold general election for state treasurer
Oh Aug, 3. Elections in ten other states
viii take place on Nov. 5. On that day:
Iowa will elect governor and lieutenant
governor.
Maryland viii elect comptroller and at
torneY general
Massachusetts will elect governor and
state officers
Mississippi will elect governor and state
officers.
Nebraska will elect q supreme court
judge and two regents.
New Jersey will elect governor and state
officers.
New York will elect state officers. except
governor and lieutenant governor
Ohio viii elect governor and state ON
GERS.
Pennsylvania will elect state treasurer.
Virginia will elect governor and state
officers.
Political interest this year accordingly Is
centred in the elections of the newly ad-
mitted states, North Dakota, South Dakota,
Washington and Montana, which are now
framing their constitutions aud will elect
full state governments and legislatures,
which VIII choose eight new United States
senator's Each new state will also elect n
representative In Congress except South
Dakota, which will elect two.
The terms of no United States senators
expire next year, so the election of mem
bers of the Legislature this year Is OF
interest rs bearing on national politics only
In cases where members of the Legislature
chosen this year hold Office for two years.
The Senate elected In New York state will
vote for "a United States senator in 1891 to
succeed the Hon. William NJ. Evarts.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
nItI,SNNAI-.


DIR. c. G. MASON, grand commander Of
the Knights Templar of California, died in
Chico, California, on Monday night, after II
long Illness.
CHRISTINE NILSSON may never sing in
public again. During u recent illness in
Paris she was troubled with deafness and
loss oi memory, from which she has not
Yet recovered. The furniture of her house
in London has been moved Ia Paris, where
she and her husband will in future make
their residence.
PoPE LEO VII, has sent an autograph
letter 10 tho authorities of Laval Iniver-
sity thanking them and the citizens of
Quebec for the resolutions adopted by them
at the demonstration on April 2S last in
favor of the restoration of the temporal
power of the pope. His holiness congrutu-
lates them not only upon their prudence,
but upon the sagacity OF their action, and
says it is evident that they well under
stood how the impunity enjoyed by the
enemies of the church is the source of i'm
proprioties III human society and of trou-
bile 10 the state.
RIGHr REV. MoNsiGNoR JAMES A. Con-
CoRAS, u. D., $. r. D., died yesterday ut
the seminary OF ~. Charles BurromeO.
ONcrbroOk, aged about 81 years. He was
editor of the tUMOhc Quarterly Rcriclr, IA
professor in the college at Overlook, and
~ graduate of the University of the Prnpa-
~
OF Syriay, Hebrew and Oriental languages.
II" Was born III Charleston, =. C., aud lived
| in the South until the close Of the war when
he came North to take n leading part in tho
I plcnary council of Baltimore. lie was As
noted for bcuevulcnce rs for his love of
learning.
BREWSTER CAMEEoN, of Tucson, Arizona,
! is visiting in Philadelphia. The Phihdcl-
! phia Laqutrcr says Mr., Cameron Is q
nephew ofthe late General Simon Cameron.
/ though il is not certain that hc was
| mentioned IN the will of his millionaire
! uncle. The young man has had quite an
! experience in public and private life. and
/ IS one of the brightest members of the
| lllustrious family. lie served in the wal
! with distinction, subsequently was an OH
. Ger in the regular army, later took header
| in the diplomatic service and fOr the past
/ hall dozen years has been managing an OK,
/ tensiNe cattle rancho In Arizona and doing
/ nrst ratCl lie comes East 10 soc his friends
/ ana relatives about once a year, and his
/ present visit is for that purpose.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
aua,,an,aI,rr's.

PHILADELPHIA. Wednesday, July IL. 1850.
Cellu1oid Toilet Sets, a good
brush and comb and hand mir
ror in plain pasteboard box, at
$3.50, which is a 40 per cent
reduction.
Main Aisle centre.
Linen Damask Towels, with
knotted fringe and colored bor-
ders - choice Of hve--2ox4s 3
inches, at ~ cents. Just open
ed, and the sale will be quick.
Poorer goods at more money
have been real recent Bargains.
Omntnm eafhernm. 40 doz-
ems Linen Bureau and Buffet
Scarfs at 80 cents each. Re-
duced yesterday from various
higher prices.
Yves, OF Main Aisle, north Of Trsnsept.
40 cents will buy a Tourists S
Friend, which is a strong camp
stool with canvas case, to be
carried by a band across the
shoulder. Weight 20 ounces.
Basement, north end.
Concerning Sashes. Two
stocks. You will find them in
Ribbons and Dress Trimmings,
where you may have them
fringed and knotted to order.
This work is done in the store
by skilled hands that are
prompt, neat, deft.
Bargains in Sashes.
Northeast Of centre and In the Trsnscpt
Muslin Underwear. Remem-
Der the news Of Monday and
Tuesday then add excellent
Muslin Gowns, plated and
ruffled, at 55 cents, and others
of cambria, with inserting and
rufling, at 81, and you have
the story of to-day.
Second floor. hrs, gallery Juniper street side.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
The Accounts Arc Muddled.
lm the ph Times.


Governor Beaver is unable to furnish a
detailed statement of tho expenditures for
the relief of the flood sufferers in the
Conemaugh valley, and the abatement of
nuisancos in that locality out Of the funds
received by him. The Office of the reliet
commission in Harrisburg Is just as un-
prepared to furnish this much-desired in
formation. The trouble arises from the
fact that the drafts made on the governor
by General Hastings failed to state in
nearly all Instances To what purpose the
money was to be appliod-whcther to the
relief of sufferers, by supplying them with
money or articles in kind OF To the abale-
ment of nulsanCes.
This Is an unfortunate state of affairs as
the contributions intrustCd TO the governor
for distribution were not intended to be
used by the governor for anything but re-
lief. This fund reaches nearly 81 ,l5O. .OOO
and TX made up of contributions from every
state IN the Union except Delaware, from
| all the territories and from England
Germany and other foreign countries
The fund tor the enforcement of sanitary
regulations is known rs the state fund, and
is not made up from contributions. Ii !,
supposed Ia have been loaned To the gov,
ornor and is intended To be applied only
TO the abatement of nuisanoes caused by
the Hood Tho mixing of two accounts has
been great annoyance 10 the governor.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
semdIng a kInn OF rIrturc nr rnlonrn,.n-

sending hlp on Picture by Telegraph.
The fac suuiic telegraph, by " hich manu-
script, imtu7, or pictures may he trans
mlttcd, ~ species ul the automatic method
already described, in which the receiver is
aCtuutcd spontaneously with its trmsmit-
ter. BY Lenoir's method picture or map
Is outlined with insulating ink upon the
cylindrical surface Of rotating drum,
which revolNos under point having slow
movement along the axis of the cVlindrr,
and thus the conducting point goes over the
cylindrical surface in spiral path. The
electrical circuit viii be broken by every
ink mark ON the cylinder which Is i'm this
path, and thereby corresponding marks are
made ia a spiral line by an ink marker
upon drum at the receiving end. TO pro-
duce these outlines il is only necessary that
the two drums hc rotated in unison. This
system II of little utility, there being no ap-
parent demand tor fac similC trans mission
particularly at 50 great an expense of
speed, for IL Will be seen that instead of
making character of the alphabet bv a
lew separate pulses, ls il done by Morse
me number must be greatly Increased
Many dots become necessary 10 show the
outlines of the more complex characters
| 1he-pantelegraph is an interesting type of
the fac smile method. In this form the
movements Of "a pen in the writer's hand
produce corresponding movements of a
pen al the distant station, and thereby a
fac simile record.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17

4 DISPATCH from Cheyenne gives an ac-
count of what is probably tho last buffalo
hunt that will ever be held In this country.
Four men went out to capture small herd
of bison on the Rcd desert near Rawlina,
Wyoming, where thousands had roamod a
score of years ago. They had powerful
horses and the chase lasted three days.
The hunters say there are between 40 and
so full full-grown bison and few calves
in the herd. They havo been offered $500
each for their prizes, which they refused
They captured three bulls and -four cows
and report that the animals struggled fear
fully, but each was finally paired with a
heavy work OK. One of the captives,
mastodon male, in bncking fell and broke
his neck. ono of the men had narrow
escape the second day out A mad bull
gorod his horse, lifting rider, saddle and
animal high In tho air. One of tho cow
boys sent ride ball into the infirated
brnte's shoulder,
When buflaloes are so very rare, this
wasteiul style of capture cannot be tolera-
ted, and it Is hoped that prompt action will
be taken TO preserve the remainder of this
stray herd
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
The Base Ball scores

The League games OF yesterday were
philadelphia 4, Cleveland ?; Chicago l3,
New York 10; indianapolis 6, Boston 1 (;
Washington 10, Pittsburg q st. Louis /,
Kansas city ? Cincinnati /. brooklyn , /;
Columbus ., Louisville : Wilkosharre II,
New Haven I Lowell ., Jersey City I /:
Newark /, Worcester Gurham IT, York
1 Harrisburg lG, Norwalk 9; Cuban Giants
), lia2lctou u.
The new llazlcton club made good
showing against the strong Cuban Giants
yesterday
The Cleveland club is not doing the kind
of work they should. Philadelphia is
going right ahead.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17

TnE French explorer Cailland has ritten
TO the Paris Geographical society announc-
ing the discovery by Count Teiki of a
Christian trbo in the very heart OF Africa,
about three hundred miles southwest of
Ahyssinia. No white man or native mis-
sionnry has ever been among them SO
Ear as known, but they may have had
relations with the Christian Abyssinians.
Their religion is very debased form of
Christianity, but considerable Now Testa-
ment history has been handed down to
them In traditions, and they have n priest
hood, the cross and other embcms.
II is strange that even n dcbased form of
Christianity should exist so long without
spreading, or nj least without affecting the
fctichism of neighburing African tribes
that are now taking readily to Islamism.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17

GENERAL GRENrELL is Watching the
dervishcs with his little army drawn M in
n line of battle two miles long and seems 10
expect some favorable result from u sum
mons to surrender which was sent to the
Chief Mad-ol-Jami. jami will hardly meet
his pectations,as renforcements were on
the way to Join him and his followers do
not appear to hc of the kind that surrender.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17

lS a speech on Tuesday evening Lord
Salisbury said that IL was appalling to
think that years hence their sons and
grandsons might still bc discussing the
Irish problem with nothing new TO say on
the subject
My Lord Is n brave man; he has 20 look
ahead two generations TO find an appalling
Thought while the average foreign cores
pondent OF American papers is IN chronic
state of appallmcnt over the woes of Great
Britain and all Europe.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
HOOD'S SARSAPARILLA.
That Tired Feeling

l. experienced by alnost everybody at this sCa-
son, and many people resort TO Hoods Sarsapn-
rilla to drive away the lausuor and exhaustion.
The blood, laden with impurities which have
been Hccumuluting FOR months, moves slug.
gishly through the veins, the mind tails 10
think quickly and the body Is sim slower to
respond. Hoods Sarsaparilla Is iust what Is
needed. IL pugiies. YitaligCs and Cnriche, tho
blood, makes the head clear, creates an anne
titc, OvercomcS that tired feeling tones tie
nervous system and lmpaTtS health and vigor
to the whole body.
HOODS SARSAPARILIA
My appetite was poor. could not sleep,
hHd houdachC great deal, paius IN my back
my bowels did not move regularly. Hood y
Sarsapnrlla In short time did me SO much
good that tvCl like a new man. My palms and
aches are relieved, my appetite improved. /
say 10 Others who need IA good medicine. try
Hoods SHrsaparilla ana Sec" GEoRGE T.
JACksoN, RoNbury Station, Conn.
MAKES THE WEAK STRONG
For years I was sick every spring hut last
year took Hoods Ssrsaparilla and have not
seen sick day since q. W. SLOAN, Milton
Mass.
" | take Hoods SaTsaparilla.as spring tonic
and recommend II to all who have thai mis-
cradle tired feeling" &. PAKMFIIF Bridge
Street, BruoSlyn y. Y.
HOODS SARSAPARILLA
sold by all druggists. Il six for s., Prepared
only by c. l. HOOD a CO., Lowell. Mass.
100 DOSES ONE DOLLAR a.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
STOCK FARM,
STORM KING (2161.)

RECORD go.
standard by Breeding ana Performance.
sired by HAPPY MEDIUM, record 2:52% and
sire Of AZ trotters and PAGERS with records
rom &l3h to 2,O, aud over 100 with records
better than 30.
Dam 10y AlcNuudor'S Norman, sire OF Lulu
2li14, May Queen, 2:2O, sc.
second dam by Howard Sir Charles, thorough
bred.
Third dam by Smiths Messenger son of Dilrs
Messenger.
STORM kING Is n bay, stands Is hands and
weighs about 100 lbs. Has always taken first
premium AZ state aud county fairs His colts
are large and hpnds1me, and five that have been
sold averaged $4,000 at an average age of one
and u half years. lie was taken right out of the
stud aud with very little preparation reduced
his record nom 23l4 10 $50, trotting three
heats IN 2.io 2.%l and -;'O. lie went quarter
In one of the miles I'm Sj sccOuds--a 2:2O gait
which shows he capacity IL l could spare him
long enough in the stud to hc prepared for very
fast work.
IERNS.-SIn.O0 for fOal until his present
book Is full, after which he viii stand at $500
jy5-ttd. DANL. G. ENGLE. Marietta, Pa.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
I he White House,

The superintendent Of public build
Ing recommends AN addition TO the
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17

N0t DeI1r 0nWNg.
Another great bargain in
Muslin Underwear at &C.
Corset Covers, Night Gowns,
Skirts, Infants Dresses, long
and short Infants Flannel
Shawls and Skirts.
Another lot at SI.4e.
Night Gowns and Skirts,
some Of these have been sold
as high as $2.75.
One lot of Infants and Chill
dren's Fine White Dresses,
Embroidered Flannel Shawls
and Skirts, at $I.4o.
The balance Of our stock for
merly sold as high as $3.50
apiece.
One lot of Blouses, Jerseys,
and Boys Flannel Waists, at
6ec; some of them have been
SI.5O apiece.
Another lot of Ladies and
Children's Fine Jersey Skirts,
Children's and Misses Coats,
Children's Refers and Coats,
at o9c formerly So to s..
One lot Of fine quality of
Jersey Goats, in navy and black,
formerly S.; reduced to $3.50.
One lot Of Cloth Jackets, in
garnet, black, oxblood, myrtle
and navy, at 81. so apiece form
erly s..
SASH RIBBONS.
One lot down to 25c a yard ;
another lot at soc a yard ; sold
at about half their regular
price.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17

TuE "Angelus" is ours. Now let us buy
a large quantity of the French popular ap.
probation of art
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-07-17
Q5rprrrica.

Brand of Lobster, Salmon and Pot
Meats. Full Assortment of Cheese, Etc,
Smyrna times., 1889-02-06
a Dark Case.

" WhOpping" was stirred to its
depths on Sunday night and the trouble
has not yet entirely subsided, by a diff
ficulty that amounted almost to riot.
The trite remark 50 common in social
difficulties of " a woman in the case" is
varied in this by there being two
women, or it might be more properly
stated as n man in the case" as the
central element of disturbance. David
Clayton is the innocent cause, so far as
we know, of this feminine high links.
Ifhe wasn't in fault, he had the mis-
fortune to be a heart smasher. Wheth-
er too devoted or not. he had won the
affections of Mary Anderson, and she
would seem to be very ardent in her
temperament. Later, another belle
Eliza COntee, came along, who is en-
dOrsed in the family where she is at
service as a good girl. Whether David
Is very susceptible or not we do not
know, but he seems to have been cap
tivated by Miss COntee's charms. The
wrathful Mary, wanted to know of him
on Sunday, it is stated, if he was going
to church that night with the other
girl. Receiving an affirmative answer,
she replied that If he did she would
cut her head with brick or tear the
clothes off of her"
When David and Eliza got there
Mary was conveniently on hand, and
pumped herself down between them
When they started to 90 out at the
conclusion of the services, Mary struck
or pushed Eliza, and the latter in the
! nWnIfnOnnnf Df thn l.
| Then scene ensued. Mary Ander,
sons friends were on hand in numbers
and uproariOus. The other, a compar
ative stranger, had no such surround
ing. She had, however, an escort tC
the house of one of the Potts followed
by crowd of hOOting, cursing follow
ers, threatening violence, that when i
| got to East street numbered two OF
three hundred persons. After awhile
the crowd dispersed and she was taker
by her protector to her home.
The next morning she appeared be
fore Esquire Colt and had Mary Ander
son, Hem. Jones, Minty Jones, Mag
Richardson and Raymond Anderson
bound over to keep the peace. Their
are several others who threatened per
sOnal violence that the Squire woul,
like to make an example of.
The Trustees of Bethel church, wher
the scene occurred, felt outraged a
such conduct in the church, laid thei
complaint before Alderman Budd, VIII
had the principals arrested and fine,
them both for disorderly conduct il
church.
Brick bats and love are not yer
compatible, and it remains to be see
where the gallant David will yet an
chOr his affections.
Smyrna times., 1889-02-06
Personal.

Joseph Smithers and L. NJ. Price left
on Friday for Denver, Colorado. They
will be gone about two weeks.
Mrs. DR.. f. Dawson, of Frederica, is
visiting her daughter, Mrs. VIM. D.
Hudson, near town.
superintendent Handy accompanied
the Legislative party on their visit to
the Insane Asylum at Farnhurst Sta
tion on Friday.
Mr.. and Mrs. John p Hudson re-
turned on Monday from a visit of sew
eral days in Milford and Milton.
Miss Annie Matthews, Of Camden, is
visiting Mrs. John II. Hoilecker.
Miss Lou. Chase, of Philadelphia, is
the guest Of the Misses Savin.
Howard Spruance, of Philadelphia
who is recovering from long spell OF
typhoid fever, has gone to Denver, Col
Orado, for his health, and was accom-
panied as far as indianapolis by hi;
mother, Mrs. Jas. w. Spruance.
Smyrna times., 1889-02-06
Sale of Real Estate.

Z. H. Beck, real estate agent has
made the following sales the past
week:
The farm of Henry S. Anthony on
the KentOn road p miles from Smyrna
1O4 acres, to Joseph E. Carter of this
town for the sum of $4,000. The farm,
which is largely devoted to fruit, will
be run by John Wood, a beginner, who
in connection with Mr.. Carter will also
continue the winter raising of chick
ems by the incubator process, so sue
cessfully carried on by Mr. Anthony
who by the way will remain in posses
sion of the dwelling and hatchery un-
til his present seasons work of market
ing his chickens is completed, the frs
part of summer.
The other sale is that Of the " Tul
lidge" farm just this side of Clayton, 2
acres, to Hon. Thos. +. Bayard at th'
price Silas l.. Weller bargained for i
last summer-$3, ,000 This land join
mp to Mr.. Bayard's other Clayton prop
erty, and is purchased by him to ex
tend She present streets or open ul
new ones, and lay off building lots
Mr.. Bayard will soon be released from
his busy life at Washington, and hav
more time to develop his valuabl
Clayton property.