St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-08-14
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Fresh Chapter of the Joys and
Sorrows of Western Editor.


Sorrows of Western Editor.
Detroit Free Press.
We extract the following from the
last issue of the Arizona Kicker:
Many Thanks. TUESDAY last we were
seized with an attack of Apache collie,
and within ten minutes from the time
the grip first took hold we were tied in
seven kinds of hard knots and wanted
mule team to hold us. 1t should be
explained that this collie is next door to
Asiatic cholera, and when it takes hold
it means business at wholesale rates.
We were seriously ill for two days and
nights, during which time we had scores
of callers, and our friends were anxious
to extend every aid. During the ten
hours in which it was thought we must
turn up our toes business was mostly
suspended in town. and our condition
was bulletined every fifteen minutes.
Our warmest thanks are due to our
friends and acquaintance and the pub
lie generally. We are now about we'll
again, and shall be more careful in the
future. This town can't afford to lose
us just now, and we realize more than
ever that our death would be serious
setback to the entire state.
the Kicker made the statement that
Charley Johnson, proprietor of the Iron
Roof whisky hole on Apache avenue,
was driven out of Tucson for his general
bad character, and we threw out Sug-
gestiOn that our vigilance committee
might hit the nail on the head by attend
ing to his case. Mr.. johnson has called
at the Kicker Office and shown us letters
which satisfy us that we made a mis-
take. Instead of being bad man, he
is a humble and contrite individual, per-
fectly willing to be kicked and cuffed
about, and he left Tucson because the
people objected to his breath, which is
not exactly identical with new-mown
hay. His breath is all right here, and
he proposes to take right hold and be-
come one of us, and aid in the work OF
making this town second chicago.
We Defy Them-At the last session of
the common council Aid. Jim Jackson
got his bow legs under him and stood
up to remark that he was in favor of
taking the city printing away from the
Kicker because of our abuse of that Off
cial body. The city printing! Ye gods!
All our bill amounts to for the last quar-
ter is 70 cents. Yes, we have talked
pretty plainly to the aldermen. There
isn't an honest one in the whole gang.
There isn't a man of them who isn't
soaked In whisky two-thirds of the time,
and who wouldn't lie, cheat, steal, rob,
or embeZzle on the slightest prOvoca
ton. AS a gang, they ought to be sent
to state prison on general principles,
and the sooner the better. If the coun-
ell imagines the Kicker will keep still
on them for Is cents week 1t is making
great mistake.
Not Yet-We are not yet authorized
( TO write Up. NJ" after our name, but we
are working hard and Will nave the
misunderstanding of this Office or lose
LEG. The present incumbent is bloke
of the first water and has got to let go.
We have written Mr.. Wanamaker sew
eral confidential letters and have for
Warded him several communications re-
| flectlng public opinion, and although
he seems inclined to hang off on US it is
only question of time when he must
give in. We know that we are the only
man in town fitted to be postmaster.
and it will either come to US or MIR.
| Wanamaker will not last six months.
ALWAYS at Home-Coroner Tom Black
man, when summoned to hold an inquest
on the dead body of "Red-Headed Per-
kins," the gambler who committed sui
eide two weeks ago, was so befuddled
With poor WHISKY tndt he ScSou my
fool. We had to step in and do the bus
mess for him; and. because the Kicker
gave him some good advice in its next
issue, he is now blowing around that ne
has camped on our trail and means to
have our life.
Rats! If Tom Blackman wants our
scalp let him come for it. We are al
WAYS at home the whole twenty-four
h ours through, and we believe that we
can take good care of ourself. He can
come with shotgun or tomahawk-day
or night-alone OF in company. We
shall do our best to drop him before he
does us, and in case we are asked to
hold the inquest on him it shan't cost
the county cent. Well do even better
we'll give him as fine an obituary no
tice as would cost him 500 in Chicago.