The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1889-11-01

y WEN41
In base ball, as in cookery. the best
batter takes the cake.-Puck.
Though some of our colleges are
very old, they are still in possession
of their faculties.
Man is the lord of creation, but he
rarely presumes on the fact when he
occupies the same lot with q bull.
An onion trust has been organized
in New York. There is nothing too
strong for a trust to tackle.
He-'Darling, will you love me
when I'm gomez" She-"Yes, if you
are not too far gone,"
A Detroit widow wants SIS 900 for a
kiss given her by her employer. What,
1000 for one kiss? Go togo to.
Give us two for five.
The faithful lover doesn't care
where the Worlds exposition is held
while he is holding the worlds fair in
his arms.
Doctor Ito dying patient)-"Death
does not end all, my dear friend"
Dying Man-"Right, doctor! You
and the undertaken send in your bills
after that"
The female organist of a Utica
church has eloped and married a
fourteen-year-old boy who pumped
the organ. TIE affair has taken the
wind out of the choir.
"What are your children quarrel
ing about SO continually" "Why,
you see, they are so OF one heart and
mind. Whatever one wants, the
other always wants, too"
Ted-"I suppose the best way to
find out whether she loves me is to
go right up and ask her. Ned-"Not
at all my boy. Ask one of her girl
friends. "-Harpers Bazaar.
"John, dear, doest't it make you
sad to see the leaves fall?" "Weil,
not now; but it used to when was
a small boy, for then l had to sweep
them up
Tired Child-''Mamma. how much
did you put in the collection?" Moth
era quarter, my dear. Why?"
Tired Child (gasping)-"Well, this
preacher gives an awful lot for the
money"
When the boilers of the steamer
Corona exploded, destroying forty
lives, nothing was saved except the
certificate of the United States boiler
Inspector, to the effect that the boil
ers were all right.
Gather, what time is it," "Just
2 o'clock, my son." "Well" throw
ing down the hoe). ''just p years
ago to-day at 2 o'clock 1 was born;
you can do your hoeing yourself
now"
If the smokeless and noiseless pow
der comes into general use salutes
will become thing of the past. and
the sun will go down without waiting
for the evening gun to fire, as now
required by army regulations.
Moneybags--"A advertising, my dear
boy, always pays" Youngblood-
cit hasn't paid me-" what do you
mean?" "Nothing, except that IA
Their adv ertised me in the papers a
while ago and I Ravens been able to
get tick anywhere since.'
Papa-Which of your suitors do
you think you will accept, Maria,
Jones or Smith? Maria-Which do
you favor, papa? Well, Smith has a
fine vein of humor. But Jones has
fine vein of anthracite coal upon his
farm. l think I'll take him. Sensible
girl Siftings,
A man at Monticello, Florida,
claims to have a tree which bears
ounces, pears and apples. But that's
nothing remarkable. A man in this
town has tree which bears apples,
sweet potatoes, pears, onions and
pumpkins. 1t is an axle-tree.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
Don't you think" said a youth,
after working his vocal chords with
intense vigour beside the hotel piano,
''thatI ought to 20 on the stage?"
eyes" replied Miss Pepperton, who
doesn't like him very well, anyhow.
II certainly do. There is one that
leaves for the station just an hour
and a half from now"
Talk about the weather as fertile