The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1889-01-17
HUMOROUS.

S9E
not be beaten.-PSttSbNrgh Chronicle.
Jones must have been pretty sea-
sick going to Europe when he threw
up his engagement with his girl
Lowell Citizen.
Said an Alabama mother: ''Never
would call boy of mine Alias, if I
had hundred to name. Men by that
name is allus cuttin' up capers.
Papa, what is a luxury? Father
1t is something, my son, that we can
do without. Logical boy-What lux
ury mosquito must be. - Golden Days.
From the prompt and safe way in
which horse-thieves are hung out West,
it looks as if that portion of our be-
loved country was under the rule of
hemp-era.-N Y. Ledger.
"A French shopkeeper of Paris end
ed his will by this: 81 desire my body
to be placed in the hands of men of
science, and that it may be carefully
dissected, for am determined to know
the cause of my death"
why didn't you come when l
rangP" said Texas lady to a domes-
tic. Because I didn't heah the bell"
Hereafter when you don't hear the
bell you must come and tell me So"
Eyes, mum. "-TeGaS SGfIjsgS.
speaking of oleomargarine," re-
marked McSWilligen this morning, cit
has occurred to me that there is one
kind of butter which will always defy
counterfeiting. "Ah! what kind of
butter is that?" asked Squildig. THE
goat. "-Rttsb@rgh Chronicle.
To show how shamefully particu-
lar some people are, it is related of
fashionable woman of Murray Hill that
she refused to accept an invitation to
dinner from lady acquaintance, be-
cause she spelled pleasure" with
capital "P IN. Y Mail.
Angry Father-Now, confound it.
why don't you go to practicingP just
see that girl across the street how de-
voted she is to her music! Unappreci-
alive Offspring - Stop right there,
father. The girl may be studious and
all that, but that's a typewriter she's
playing On.-Puck.
"A Lowell small boy who attended
the Old Ladies fair had to be told a
great deal about the chance he would
have to ''grab." This became the CEN
trail thought in his mind, and he had mt
been long in the hall when he began to
ask: Mamma, when can | begin to-
steal something?"-LOsOeU Courier.
Henderson, who recently pur-
chased an alarm clock, says the thing
is a COMPOUNDED humbug. 81 set the
alarm" be explained, Sc before going
to bed. after taking the precaution to
stop the clock, so that its ticking
shouldn't keep me awake And
would you believe it, I oversight next
morning whole hour later than
usualr'-B0StO1s Transcript
-Chatty Passenger To show yer
what cheats they are, sir, friend o.
mine-lots o. money and fust-rate
taste, give the horder to one of 'em to
decorate his new 'ouse in regular slap,
up style, spare no expense, with all.
the finest chromios that could be 'ad.
You know what lovely things they are,
sir! Well, sir, would you believe it,.
After they was sent, they turned out
not to be chromios at all, but done by
,and" with whitening contempt)-|
"done by and, sir!'-HaTper'S Bazaar.
There is no occasion fora man win
a cold in his head to be idle He's up 10
his sneeze in business Chicago fele-
gram.
The ehorister who was tossed over
the fence by bull was willing to con-
cede that he for once got the wrong
pitch. Konkers Gazette
Halls Journal of Health saws: en-
tense thirst is satiated by wading in
water" Another good way to satiate
thirst is to drink water.-Dfube's TraU-
eler'S Magazine.
Mamma, what's blank IDIOT"
"It's what I was when got married.
used to have four new hats year,
but I'm awful lucky to get one now"
-DGnsvilEe Breeze.
-"Can you tell of what race Ma
poleon came?" said the Civil-Service
examiner. ''Why, of CorSican," said
the candidate. A first-class clerkship
was drawn.-M o. P5cayune.
"A prominent public office has this
notice: posted up: Don't open this
uooLl uiIueF winch some Wag wrote
the query ''Why?" and another re-
sponded: Because you can't; it's
locked. IN Y, Telegram.
-"What beautiful lampr' exclaim-
ed Mrs. Parvenu's visitor; ''where did
you get it; medieval isn't itP'' eve
got it in Paris" said the good lady of
the house, ''but it isn't mediaval; it is
bronze. IN Y. Mail.
-'Do you allow drunken people on
the trainP" asked an old gentleman at
the city hall elevated station. "Some-
times-but not when they are too
drunk, " replied the brakeman. Just
take a seat near the middle of the car
and keep quiet, and you'll be all right"
N z. Sun.
Man in a carriage Ito farmer in
the field. THAT corn doesn't look as
though you'd get more half a crop. -
Farmer in the field Ito man in car
rage). Don't expect to-I'm work
it on shares" 81 mean YOU won't get
much to the acre. Don't expecf to
only got half an acre. "-Harper'g
Bazaar.
-The plumbers song
The iceman smiles as he counts his gaing
derived from the trade of summer,
AND as he walks the streets disdains