The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-05-22

freely give 10 Intt,
And some day may the good Lord show
Some quarter unto me.
Washington Critic.
THE festive flies begin to flap
Their little wings and stare,
With winkless eye, to find the chap
Whose head is minus hair
And when they find their luckless prey
They'll light upon his head,
And skate across his crown all day
Until he goes to bed.
-New York journal.
PUNCH is so Intoxicating that even punch
in the nose may make man reel.-Bing-
hamton Republican.
If we smart people never made any mis-
takes there would be pretty clean picking
for the fools.-PUck.
GENERAL BUTLER, Admiral Porter and
Vesuvius are all in state of eruption
Minneapolis Tribune.
WHEN an Indian dies his relatives pay
his debts, and yet some people think In
dams can be civilized.-LUe.
THE coal and salt trusts are bad for the
buyers but they will both operate to tighten
the burden Of the cellar. Puck.
THE first impulse of boy with a new
watch is to assure himself that none OF its
10 parts are missing. -JeWeler's Weekly.
EXPLORER STANLEY is like lady's
pocket We all know that he is somewhere,
but no one can find him. YonkerS States
man.
NOT a bubble ripples the fair surface of
political waters to show where Public
Printer Benedict went down.-.St. PdM
Pioneer Press.
CRANMER BERRY of Windham, Conn.
wants the legislature to change his name
because most folks call him "Cranberry"
for short.-EIchdnge.
PHYsIoLoGIsTs estimate that the human
heart does 100000 pounds of work each
day. This explains why the Chicago anar-
chists are heartless.- PHtsbUrq Chronicle
A PHOTOGRAPHER has succeeded in taking
a composite picture of the state senate. 1t
will be utilized by religious contemporary
as a portrait of Lucifer.-Ne1c York Herald.
COLONEL CALVIN S. BRIcE seems to have
the pole for the craftsmanship of the demo-
cratic national committee. He is good
man and worth several millions.-B
Herdld.
HANNAH BATTERsBY, the fat woman who
died the other day, weighed eight hundred
pounds. Think of woman of that enor-
nous magnitude climbing the golden
stairs.-Chjcdgo Herald.
The nuisance of the hotel was in the par
lor warbling, " Oh, would 1 were bird"
Well, here's beginning for you" said
the landlord, and he handed him his
bill.-Fort Plain Free Press.
My son, this country of ours reused itself
from a condition of lassitude, freed itself
from a CALLING servitude, and now our star
spangled banner bears testimony to our
heroic forty-twod- BUrdette.
" BLUsHING Miss STRAWBERRY is now
down to thirty cents quart, observes an
exchange. And the propriety of presenting
her to Mr.. Shortcake is under considera-
tion.-Binghdm Republican.
XOI-Sc Mr. Robel1as tied a hunk of iron
to his leg and committed suicide by Jump
ing into the Harlem. He must have real
lied that his head was light and wanted to
make sure of sinking.-Ne,C York Herald.
A jamestown minister has discovered
that the Bible is not authentic and was not
written by those to whom it has been so
long ascribed. Possibly the jamestown
minister is not authentic. Buffalo Times.
A PHYSICIAN says: "Girls in feeble health
should take tramp through the woods or
fields every day" But suppose a tramp
should object to being taken through the
woods or fields every day by girls in feeble
health?-Bnghdmto Republican.
THE farmers in the Massachusetts, legis-
lature are reminded that the season is two
or three weeks ahead of time this year, and
that adjournment will have to be hurried
up if they want to get their scythes ground
before moving .-Sprinqield Union.
"SEND me-" wrote the Mississippi hard
ware merchant, Zone Argument Against
Negro Suffrage, 16mo., with 100 tracts on
the same subject" And the jobber filed
the order by sending him a Winchester rifle
and 100 rounds of ammunition.-Chic
Tribune
GOVERNOR DmLINGHAM of Vermont has
thanked the state militia in quarter of
column for its gallant appearance on parade.
Now let the soldier boys tell the state in
public how magnticently the governor
| looked on horseback. Turn about is fair
/ play.-BOStOn Record
WE noticed young man pass through
town the other day, at a rate that meant
danger to the many foot passengers on our
thoroughfares, and one of Ruby's bellies
| seated by his side. We noticed the old
man and woman after them in a wagon, but
whether they overlook them or not we did
not learn.-Sewdrd Democrat.
WHEN some marching members of Tam
many made a spectacle OF themselves the
other day by ignoring President Harrison
and Extensively cheering eX-Presldent Cleve-
land in the formers presence, they forcibly
illustrated the lofty privilege of the Ameri-
can vulgarian to be as asinne as his very
moderate talents will permit. - Chicago
Nelcs.
SOME people think that Bishop Potter
with his new " cathedral" with its " coro y
in the Spanish style, and its central space
where gorgeous ritual can be celebrated,
is in more danger of letting his Protestant
ism drift into prelatism than President Har-
rson and Vice-president Morton are of al
lowing plain politics to be submerged by
plutocracy.- Boston Herald
PROFESSOR FREsENIUs of Wiesbaden de-
clares that an egg contains as much nourish-
ment as a pound and a quarter of grapes, a
pound and a half of russell apples, two
pounds of gooseberries and four pounds of
pears. When a transforming Hamlet is
hit with an egg he never stops to think of
this, and it is not good time to remind him
of the fact ether.-Norristocn Herald.
A cAUsrIc and bilious Englishman, who
has been observing men and things in this
country, is reported as saying that many of
the cergymen who are in the habit Of de-
nouncng all Sunday amusements are them
selves very amusing This explains their
opposition. Not being protected against
the importation of competing diversions,
they seek to form public opinion to suit
their own ends.-BoStoR Transcript.
JUSTIN S. MORRILL,, senator from Yer
mont, is one Of the most striking figures in
the United States senate. His great height
is scarcely diminished by slight stoop OF
his shoulders, bowed by the weight OF
seventy nine years, and his luxuriant. wavy
l. 4 -, nj U