The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-08-01
PuNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

- 0uN0eNS SVAUA<9UAVSuSSs
Farmers gather what they COW,
but semptresses sew what they gather.
He-.'O Opportunity makes the man.
sh. Laurap She-''O, not always. Is
he is much Of a man he will make an
opportunity for himself" #
-"Great wit to madness nearly IL
allied;" but II you would see perfect
union, just observe the madness Of the
small wit as he reads, '.Declined with
thanks. Puck.
Male Washers" and sticky ny
paper are very much alike. Only silly
and giddy things are ever ''stuck" on
either. and no, sooner arc they en-
tangled than they wish they'd had
more sense.
-He-'"Where did you get that suit
of armorp" She-''That belonged to
my great great grandfather. He
(who knows the family history)-''O.
yes; to keep the flies of while he was
plowing?"-Life. -,
Dude to doctor-''Any thing seri-
ons wrong with me. doctor?" Doctor.
slowly-"loul condition is serious.
but not necessarily fatal. Ihave dis
covered ev dences of a growth OF
brains. "-Philade]phia Ledger.
"A new French deputy. for long
time doctor, felt that he was not
treated we'll. 'You do not know" he
said to friend, show many men owe
to me their positions" Horizontal, ]
presume you mean," said the friend.
Take wing" said a presumptu-
Gus fop to O sensible young lady, at the
close of a prayer meeting, at the same
time extending his bent arm towards
her. mot of a gander," she quietly
replied, and walked home with her
mother.
Classification say you did not
know that you were violating the law.
All! but my dear sir, ignorance of the
law is no excuse to any man." Prisoner
That's kind O. rough on both of us.
amt it. Judge?" Crier-"Order in the
court. boston Transcript.
-Judge-''You we're arrested for
walking on the grass in the park. and
that, too, right near a notice warning
you to keep off," Accused-'Yes. I'm
pearsighted, you know, and l couldn't
make out what the sign was. so went
out on the grass tc read it and was ar
rested. "-Omaha WorlG.
"A lawyer in cross-examinic9 wit
ness, asked him, among other questions.
where he was on a particular day. to
which he replied: lin company with
two friends" ':Friends.' exclaimed
the lawyer; 1.-TWO thieves, l suppose
you mean.:' ''They may be so," replied
the witness, ''for they are both law
yers. IN. Y. Ledger.
"A personal item says that Miss
Mary Louise Eve is a ''rising poetess of
Augusta, Ga.;" but it doesn't name the
hour she rises. 1t is hoped that she rises
early enough to help her mother wash
the breakfast dishes and pare the pota-
toes for dinner. That's the kind of
''rising" poetesses this country needs.
Norristown Herald.
MIR. Here's a little bit of
advice in the paper you ought to hear,
Maria: The woman that remembers
that her husband is only a human
being, and not a demi-god, will find her
path through life much smoother for
doing so.'" Mrs. Jason-"I do try to
think you are human, Jehiel, but it is
pretty hard for me to believe it some-
times from the way you carry on."-
Terre Haute Express.
-'Charley, dear,' said a meek
looking little woman, to her husband.
II want to ask you favor" what
is it?' Il wish you would let me learn
to talk politics. chew tobacco and
swear" Great Scott, woman! Have
you lost your mind?" mo, Charley,
dear. I just thought would like to
make my society more agreeable to
you, so that you would stay at home
evenings ore"-Merchant Traveller.