Morning journal and courier., 1889-01-10
OLD.

The old year closed at one and three-eights. Chicago Tribune. A vocation that is a calling-The tele- phone girls occupation.-New York Jour- nal.
 An easy way of rushing the growler" is te tie tin pail to dogs tail.-Boston Bul- letin.
 From the fruit preserver we get our jams and from our distiller our jim-jams.-Boston Courier.
 woman can keep 8 secret, but she genes rally thinks it isn't worth while.- Journal.
 Discoveries of gold are conceded to be mat ters of miner importance.-Glenn Falls Res publican.
 An old toper referred to 8 temperance gathering as spiritless affair.-Yonkers Statesman.
 "Close the front door so as to keep out drafts," said the bothered banker to his cash- ier.-Time.
 The first person mentioned in history who turned over a new leaf was Eve.-Warren (Penn.) Mirror. The man who is invited out to dinner ] every night may save something on board, but the doctor and the apothecary get the | final bene6t.-Somerville Journal St. Paul has her ice palace, Sioux City her corn palace New Orleans her cotton | palace. It's about time some city came to | the front with gin palace.-St. Paul Pioneer Press.
 l Little Boston girl Gas the hairbrush is | reached fer)-"Mamms, the conseeutiveness and the prevalency of these interminable castigations are slowly sapping my very l life "-Time. Reporter-''Wnat is your name, my good 1 man?" Hogan (who has been hurt)-"G'long l out O that, nowl Amt it bad enough fer a man to be dishIyocated without tryin' t
 play bunco on hims'-Judge.
 The boy who made contract with the parsimonious citizen to keep the sidewalk I clear of snow this winter is smiling smile l just now that the darkey with watermelon couldn't beat.-Somerville Journal
 Bobby" cautioned his mother they were guests at dinner) ssis it possible you are eat ing with your knife?" "Yes, ma" respond | ed Bobby, with look of intense chagrin, 1 "but forgot was visitin. '"-Harper's Ba-
 zar.
 Mr. J. Hatchet-sIs this the way to the
 editorial roomsF' Elevator boy-"Yes; who do you want to seea' Mir. J. H.-"I have
 some jokes here to show the comic editor. ' Boy-"Then you will have to take the
 freight elevator, two doors to the left. "- Scribnars.
 'The ideal country is that where there are
 no classes," sighed young Ar. Honeymoon
 tsBut there are no classes in this country
 Alfred" said his fair young bride, stirring
 the batter for the cakes. "Yes, there are There are cooking classes" rejoined Alfred
 and again he sighed deeply.-Harper's Ba
 gar.
 Mrs. Pinks (at a new Italian opera
 "Wasn't she graceful thena" Husband (eye on libretto)-"Didn't notice. Pm following
 the plot Did the action seem to fit the sit
 uation and musics' Mrs. Pinks-"Ae
 mel How can tells I am not following th'
 plot; I'm watching the stage. ."-New Yorl
 Weekly.
 l terrible dilemma: First Russian subject
 ''In a recent railroad accident the Czsr's dol
 was killed, but the Czar escaped. Shall VI
 look glad or sorry Ia the publica" Secone
 subject-s'If we look glad the police will sa,
 it is because the Czsr's favorite dog was kill
 ed; if we look sorry they will say it Is be-
 cause it was the dog and not the Czar tha
 was killed. Either way we are lost. See yol
 later in Siberia. a."-Philadelphia Record.