Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-04-15
Is hustle stern necessity?

Implicit trust III Lne ulIlIldle Integrity
of human nature is all very well in pray
err meeting, but it won't work for a cent
in an ordinary grocery store.
There are neighbors so jealous of each
other that they ridicule and belittle the
| funerals of those members of the family
who are lucky enough to die.
Mrs. Sad about Mrs. W.; she died
this morning while trying on new dress.
Mrs. Findout-NO, you don't say so /;
what was it trimmed with?
boy at an English school was asked,
sWho discovered America Il wish l
may die" said a British editor, 'if he
didn't answer-Yankee Doodle"
A fellow seven feet tall, passed through
this city on his way West, and being ask
ed why he left home, replied that they
did hot want him any longer in Maine.
Mother-Yes, Bobby God made you.
I'm surprised that you should have for
gotten that. Bobby-Well, it happened
a long time ago for a boy to remember
anything.
ing on his desk: Never address your
conversation to a person adding a column
of figures. There is nothing so deaf as
an adder"
Johnnie-Tommy. let's put our pennies
together and buy ma a nice Christmas
present. Tommy-All right. What shall
it be? 1 guess we had better buy her
padded slipper.
Mrs. Popinjay never uses slang, but
she came very near it the other day when
she found her chambermaid sitting at
ease in the parlor, and exclaimed, ''Now
you get up and Dust"
Don't you know, Emily, that it is not
proper for you to turn around and look
after gentlemen? But, mamma, was only
looking to see if he was looking to see if
l was looking.
The husband of the Michigan lady who
attempted to fill a kerosene lamp while it
was lighted, was obliged to accept the Of
fer of friends house in which TO hold
his wife's funeral.
Father" said little boy the other
day, ''what is pauper" "A pauper,"
cried out his little sister, in hurry, don't
you know what pauper is? Why, it is
thing to cook popcorn in"
''This thing is getting ntagious," said
a boy who had several times been told to
go to bed. "What do you mean?" asked
his father II mean that 1 shall catch it
if l don't move on"
Tenaweek-Sir, l wish to marry your
daughter. -Gruff father-My daughter,
young man, will continue under the pa
rental roof. Tenaweek-No objections
will be raised to that, sir.
The hot-water cure is highly spoken of.
A young man of our acquaintance was
completely cured of an attachment for
young lady by one kettleful, which the
old man let him have.
The ancients believed that the whole
earth was square, but up to the hour of
going to press we have not heard that
they expressed a similar belief in regard
to the inhabitants thereof.
Governess Ito little Ethel, who is max
ing famous progress in mythology)-Now
Ethel, what do you know of Minerva?
Ethel-Minerva was the Goddess of Wis
dom; she never married.
She-I must show you my new clock
before you go. He (facetiously)-So |
of my friends tell me L am homely enough |
to stop a clock. She-Oh, that won't |
matter! 1t can be started again.
My dear, remarked fond mother to |
belle of several seasons, what did you |
mean by taking young Mr.. Red
cheeks hand last night? Nothing, man.
ma, only l always like to encourage anna
teurs.
man in Western Dakota saw bliz-
card born. 1t started on the top of a
large hill and was a ball of white fog no
larger than his hat when he first saw it.
He should have carried it home and lock-
ed it up, but he did not think of it until
too late.
Caller Ito fond mother) Isn't it some
what remarkable and wonderful, Mrs.
Hobson, that your little boy Frank, tho
eight years old, can neither read nor
write? Fond mother-Oh, yes, think So
The dear little fellow always was re-
markable and wonderful child.