Los Angeles daily herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1884-1890, 1889-10-27
SIDE-WHISKERS.
Are They an Indication OF
BasenesS?
THE GOOD MEN WHO WEAR THEM
A Spiteful SANDER Silenced by a
Sensitive and Sore Suf-
ferer.

Some empirical fellow on the Globe
Democrat of St. Louis is responsible for
the following screed:
"Did you ever see a man with
side whiskers who wasn't cold blooded
and selfish? If that is new idea
just run over list of your &C.
quaintances who wear side-whiskers,
and tell me if any of them are warm
hearted, or noble or eelf-sacrifcing."
1 walk between hirsute appendages
myself and very naturally resent being
called cold-blooded, base and selfish. 1
will bet dollar to a doughnut that the
fellow who wrote the item above has
face as smooth as the hide of Mexican
dog and that if he should shave until his
jowls were as red and sore as the neither
portions of whipped school. boy, or I'M
til he was an octogenarian, he would not
be able to sprout dozen hairs. Or else
he is one OF those loDg-haired chaps with
| beard the whole length of his jaw, like
| q hedgerow, who is too lazy to shave and
| too mean to pay a barber, and has no
dimples on his chin for the girls to kiss.
| am inclined to think, however, that
he sports lone mustache; one of those
mouth-coverers through which he Strains
his soup and coffee, and that he devotes
half of his time to the training of it. It
has been said of this kind of shrimp that
he is very giddy and that his urbanity
and vanity are measured by the size and
curl of the appendage he 80 constantly
caressess. The straining qualities of
the mustacbe reminds me of De Tan
! que's reply when he was asked if he
liked that hi1sute adornment:
Seer My" 'said De Tanque, "cer'n'ly,
l b'leeve n m'stach. Sits yo' liquor,
outer cocktail; Sits lem'n peel, n Sits
ice. Oh, mos cer'n'ly, l b'leeve N
m 'stach. Can take home favor we las
drink, an sift flavor early n mornin'.
Gran idea, m'stach. Gram SITTER"
| Perhaps q woman wrote the item
in question! If so, the bet stands that
she has lately been fooling around some
handsome fellow with side-whiskers and
got left.
1 am used to having small boys and
| street gamins yell as pass by: "Whis-
kers on thu moon" and "The wind blew
through his whiskers," but when ,ull-
grown person, who knows how to write
good English, traduces my character be-
cause l choose to shave my chin, my
blood boils. If the obnoxious para.
graph had been confined to the small
and select circulation of the Globe. Demo-
crat, it would not have been so bad but
it has gone the rounds of the press un-
til nearly every funny cuss meet
shoves it under my nose with horse
laugh, or reads it aloud to someone
when am in hearing of his voice. Just
think of the audacity of writer who
declares that the fashion in which a
man wears his beard is an index to his
character. Some fool will be saying
next that the man who wears side-whis
kers is thief and scoundrel.
| If the sweeping assertion that all men
who wear side-whiskers are cold-blooded,
base and lelfsh, were true, the antithesis
wonld be true also, and the men who
wear their beard in different fashion
must be set down as noble, unselfish
and warm-hearted. Now have known
of scores OF ignoble men who wore full
boards and mustaches-most of them
mustaches-and | am cure, as l said be-
fore, that the st. Louis itemizer wears
mustache and stands in with the gang.
OF the Chicago Anarchists, six of whom
we're hanged, Spies, Parsons, Fischer,
Engel and Ling wore mustaches; Niche,
a mustache and goatee, and Fielden and
Schwab, full boards. There were no
side whiskers there. But will follow
out the ill-conceived plan of the Globe
Democrat man.
have az certained the manner in which
more than five hundred prominent and
representative men in the United States
let the hair on their faces grow. This
number is large enough to base general
average of the prevailing modes of hir-
suite adornment for the nation at large.
The list stands as follows:
With mustache Alone. .......................2l
With full beard Observation-Disclosures. 1854
WITH clean-snaVen races ..................,.. "
With mustache and goatee. .................. 30
with e-Wh1skers. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 5Z
with chln-Whiskers. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. IL
An analysis of the above figures will
show that 81. 8 per cent. Of the men in the
United States wear mustsches alone, 20 2
per cent. full boards, 11.2 per cent. clean
shaven, 9,4 per cent. mustaches and
goatees, 9.3 per cent. side-whiskers, and
8 per cent. chin whiskers or goatee. The