davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

Congressman Ryan Of Kansas is looking
out for a position In foreign parts and his
rivals are keeping watch on the Ryan.
Mr.. b.: "My dear, did you hear that Mrs.
Links had died suddenly this morningS'
Mrs. B.: "No. What was the matterf''
Mr.. B.; ~ don't know. The doctor said
she had dropped dead while trying on a
new bonnet"
Mrs. B. confidently; 81 know what
killed her, 1t was nervous shock. The
poor woman hasn't had new bonnet
since--'
Mr.. B. (tenderly): My dear, here's $25,
and Easter will be here shortly"
Was 1t because Colonel Fred GRANTS
father was great admirer OF equines that
his son was sent to Hoss-trias
THE TWO sHAyERs.
The barber shaves his patrons chil
And makes him feel in clover;
The broker beats the barber's time
And shaves his man all over.
TRUTH IN POETRY.
IT'S well to put an editor
In Office anywhere;
For habit will compel the man
To do the write thing there.
Bow Bells may now ring out the old and
ring in the New.
ANOTHER OFFICE SEEKER.
q There was dark man from Virginia,
Who asked Of the powers, ''Say, kin you
Do sumpin fuh meY'
They said, ''We will sec;
But your color is somewhat agin' you"
-
Anxious Inquirer; No, Justice Gray has
not eloped
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
EDITORS AND OFFICE.

Our contemporary, the Post, quotes
for the benefit of Mr.. Whitelaw Reid
his u,terance in an address on Schools
of Journalism, delivered in 1872. This
utterancc was as follows:
when we come to esteem the direction of
great newspaper that has seen dozen Ad-
ministrations rise and fall and may outlive
many dozen yet, as far higher than any four
years Office any administration can bestow
when we vigorously require that the man
who wants to hold Office shall quit trying to
be an editor and devote himself TO his voca.
tion, and when there shall be no relations
whatever between the Government and the
press, save honest publicity on the one hand
and candid criticism on the other, our jour.
nalisp will at last have planted itself ON its
true plane
This speech was made when Mr.. Reid
was younger than he is now, and he
should have the benefit Of that consid-
Grafton. The Post very properly gives
him credit for possible change of
opinion.
AS matter of fact the relation of an
editor to Office is not different from that
of any other man. lie may as reason
ably appear as candidate for place as
a lawyer, doctor or merchant. Most
great places go to lawyers chiefly because
lawyers are trained to express them
selves in speeches, and because the man
who makes speeches becomes promi-
nent. The editor does not make
speeches, as rule--the man who sits
at a desk loses the art of expressing
himself on his legs-but he is nccessa-
rily student of what is going on. If a
man of intelligence, he should be fitted
for the administration of public affairs.
He has necessarily developed an execu-
tive ability; he has at least learned
what should be done; the chow
may be in him Or it may not.
The lofty idea that, because q man
conducts one branch of the business OF
printing Information on white paper
and selling it to the public, he should
not rank in allrespects as other citizens
has been abandoned. He has the sam,
hopes, the same ambitions and the sam,
rights that would be his were he banker
or q shoemaker.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
Two HeIpless Little Rnts.

lChicago News.
Those that think being a prince is a
pretty easy job are requested to turn their
attention to the present Crown Prince of
Germany, aged 6 years, and his under
study, Eitel Frederick, aged 8 years.
These two helpless little rats have just one
hour and half day In which to play. They
get up al o O'Clock in the morning. go to
their studies at o'clock, and are drilled
all day long, learning the trade OF king
and also how to kill people in the speediest
possible manner. These poor children can
not jump off and on street cars nor "peg"
snowballs at windows, running away from
the policemen aud hiding under sidewalks,
to be dragged out by the hind leg. They
cannot play ''hookey" from school and go
swimming. No. They have to sit around
quietly and be careful Of their clothes.
The indications are very strong that they
will either have fits or whiskers by the time
they are 12 years old.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21


Samoa Germany and England were
advancing hand in hand" The
British Prime Minister said that the
views of the two countries were identi-
cal as far as the future Government of
Samoa was concerned, but not other
wise. The substance of 1t all is that
England has stood implicitly ready to
aid the United States, and that IN the
event of serious complications the
British would have been with us as
opposed to Germany.
The revelations of this blue book
are satisfactory in every way, If any.
thing is TO be regretted 1t Is that the
American policy was not little more
sharply defined from Washington. The
occasion existed for establishing a
precedent of great value.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
CANADIAN BuNcoMpE.

Tuesday was doll day in the Can.
adian Parliament. The Conservative
orators were eloquent in their denuncia-
tion Of any project for commercial
union with the United States, and as.
serted that commercial meant only po-
litical union in the end. Furthermore,
they declared that they would never,
never be false to the original programme,
and that Canada must work out her
own destiny. Like the farmer, who
does not believe In a rotation of crops,
the Canadian Conservative is to go on
attempting to raise only turnips until
he starves. Turnips he considers
destiny" and no new-fangled idea ,
are going to catch him.
Of course, all this is but politica
programme of the dominant party.
is to the credit of Canadians, as OF
Englishmcn everywhere, that they are
so enthusiastically loyal, but it is
doubtful If the loyal cry will long
avail in, Canada. Commercial union
with the United States does not imply
any lack of regard for the mother
country, and all sensible Canadians
know this. Flamboyant expressions of
alleged sentiment will not count as
against logic and common sense, and
for Canadian Conservatives to claim
that they are more patriotic than the
Liberals is an absurd thing on Its face.
That the former have fallen back on
the loyalty cry as the only argument
against commercial union but indicates
The weakness of their position.
Time will settle the question in Can
ada. People who are burdened with
oppressive taxation are prone to reason.
This excessively loyal" local Govern
ment has placed upon the Canadians a
burden which is hard to bear. The
Liberals are gaining strength; they have
The vantage, and by and by such bosh
as was talked by the hunkers at Ottawa
Tuesday will not be counted argument.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
WASHINGTON. MARCH 81, 1880.
PRESIDENTIAL RECEPTIONS.

The Cabinet meets on Tuesdays and
Fridays at 1890 p. m,
Senators and Representatives In Congress
will be received by the President every day,
except Mondays, from 10 until l2.
Persons not members Of Congress having
business with the President will be received
from l2 until ! on Wednesdays, Thursdays
and Saturdays.
Those who have no business, but call
merely to pay their respects, will be re-
ceiyed by the President In the East Room
at p. m. on Mondays, Wednesdays and
SATURDAYS.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

General Stevenson, late First Assistant
Postmaster-General,l left for his old home
in Bloomington last night. Before the
departure, Postmaster-General Wanamaker
took General Stevenson In his carriage to
the White House. am told that this was
in accordance with the wish OF the Post
master-General, who has complimented
General Stevenson for his management of
affairs in the Postoilice Department. This
was made known to the President, who
added his compliment to that OF the Post
master-General by saying that politics
sometimes removes the meritorious.-
Washington cor. Chicago Herald.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
LAST WEEK
Uffner's Royal Midgets
Aamtssion, rs Cents.

III ~ - = AMERICAN ART IS
Under the Direction Of tho
LADY MANAGERS
n va 80 u tfi OF the 4 = i'-d t.t.ii+
GARFIELD MEMORIAL HOSPITAL,
to be held at the
Residence OF HON. LEVI p NORTON,
1900 Rhode Island Avenue Scott Circle,
Commencing
THURSDAY EVENING, MARCH z, 1880.
Tickets to be obtainable as below:
Mrs. TullOck, 12l b ii. y. o.
( Mrs. Staples, Willard's Hotel.
Mrs. Burrows, 1408 II st. .7rl -i.ef
Mrs. Bell, 1896 10Th st.
Mrs, Hubbard, 1923 Conn. ave
Mrs Metzerott, The Wooimont.
Mrs. Hawley, e080 / st.
Mrs. Tucker, Calumet Place.
Mrs Ford Thompson, S0f 18th St.
Mrs Billings, 305 N st.
Mrs. Rutherford, 1911 Corcoran vt.
Mrs. Dolph, 8 Lafayette Square.
Mrs Moore, 1905 X at.
Miss Dawes, 1414 X 1T.
Mrs. Cockrell, 1913 II st.
Mrs. Burnett, 1770 Mass. ave.
{ Mrs. Audenreid, 10sg Vt. ave.
Tickets for the reception, admitting two
and including supper. So; season tickets, ad-
mitting two at any time during the exhibls'
Single ticket for reception, supper and ono
season ticket, S3; single entrance tickets,
zoe, q. lafter the reception evening" or two days
Only limited number of reception tickets
will be issued
Afternoon teas-eyery afternoon from TO
assistants.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
A BLUE BooK,s REVELATIONS.

The English blue book on Samoan
affairs is something of surprise and
conveys most satisfactory information,
England from the beginning seems to
have been in perfect accord with the
United States, II appearing that she de-
clined TO accede to Germany's request
for assistance and cooperation in the
restoring Of order in Samoa until she
had learned the American Govern
ment's views on the subject. 1t ap-
pears, furthermore, that. not long ago.
Lort Salisbury complained to Count
Won Hatzfeldt, German Ambassador at
London, concerning Prince Bismarck's
statement In the Reichstag that in
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
MARRIED.


PIERCE = DALTON. = On Wednesday,
March CO. 1883, at O'clock p. M, by Rev Q.
@ Meador, Frank II. Pierce and Lenora NJ.
Dalton, both of this city.
DIED.
DE VOTE; Teresa De Vote, aged years
and II months.
Funeral from her late residence, 40 l.
street southeast, Friday afternoon, March
~, 1880
WEBER. I'm Tucson, Arizona Territory,
March II, 1880, Charles Hickling Webber,
formerly OF Massachusetts, aged 81 years.
RoBINS0N.--o March 10, 1880, at ST.
Mary's Convent, Notre Dame, Indiana, Sister
Mary Marietta Robinson, daughter of Mich
olas and Annie Robinson, In her 28th year
May she rest In peace,
Interment at the convent In Indiana.
MULLER. Frederick j Muller, March 20,
1889, at $50 y. IN, of scarlet fever,
ISt Louis, Mo-, and Vickspurg, Miss, papers
please copy.l
MARAUGHI. AT ga. m, on "wednesday,
March 90, 1880 chiara, beloved wife OF H.
Maraughl.
Funeral will take place from. her husbands
residence, i0f u street southeast Friday,
March ~, at $50 y. m.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
SENATOR PALMER'S TRAMP.

All was hustle about the elegant resi-
dence Of ex-senator Palmer when re-
porter of THE CRITIC called there yester-
day. Two or three express wagons stood
in front Of the door and men were busy
loading them with boxes and bundles OF
household goods. The family are living in
a couple of rooms on the upper floor, and
the newly-appointed minister to the Court
Of the Cid q. c. kid) had been driven by the
packers to his Office in the basement.
He sat at his desk talking to friend aud
stroking big Persian cat down the back,
when the reporter asked him to talk about
the pedestrian tour he once made through
the country to which he VIII soon go as
Minister.
"Oh, that was forty years ago" said he.
~ was boy then, and in my third year at
Ann Arbor. There were six OF US, great
chums we were, and all rs poor as church
MICE We were great tramps anu we got
up the trip among ourselves, talked OF IL
night and day, and saved our money ike
misers to carry 1t through. Our first idea
was to 60 to Brazil, for we had been read
ing Denison's charming book on that coun-
try. We got to New York In December OF
1s4s, and while 1ounging about the wharves
looking for cheap passage to Rio, we
ran across the captain OF o ship plying be-
tween this country and Spain. We told
him our plans, and struck bargain with
him for passage to Cadiz. can remem-
her as well as IL It were yesterday the
Christmas morning that first put foot on
Spanish soil. You know IL is the great
holiday Of all Southern countries, and the
bells were ringing, professions OF gaily-
dressed people thronged the streets, and
the quaint old houses were profusely deco
rated with bunting flags and bright-colorcd
flowers. .
I. 1--WE spent a merry week there, and l
long to see 1t again. look forward to
spending next Christmas week where did
forty years ago, and shall ride down there
and visit the same old scenes that did
then. hardly think they will be much
changed. Spain and America are very diff
ferent, and in many Of the old towns Of the
former country there is hardly a new house
erected for over q year. They will, no
doubt, looked changed to me, however; the
glamour of youth is all over; | am an old
man and look through different spectacles
than did forty years ago The enthusiasms
Of youth will never come back again. Well,
we left Cadiz at the beginning OF the new
year and started on our tramp across coun-
try.
"Did you walk all the way"
"well, we didn't pay anything to ride"
answered the millionaire 1--WE couldn't
afford It, and had to think Of every penny
before we spent It. The muleteers were
very kind, and many ride did we have
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
More Trains to New York.

The b. & o, r. II. Co. has again in
creased the facilities for travel to aud from
Washington by establishing complete
service Of Fast Express Trains between this
city and New York, and by additions to its
Philadelphia schedule. All the trains are
equipped with Pullman Parlor and Sleep
ing Cars, and the high reputation for
to Philadelphia viii be fully maintained in
its New York service.
BEEcrAm's PILLS act like magic on weak
stomach.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

Doctor--You seem TO need exercise
What do you do for q living
PstientrI am u cannon-ball tosser In
shows.
~ see. Tell the manufacturer TO put q
little more paper inside.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

X Communications on any matter of current
interest will be- ,oheerfully printed in THE
CuTIc under this head. Letters should in oil
cases be as brief as possible.l
President Harrison and tho Commits
"i sioners.
WAsHINoToN, March 20.--Editor Critic:
There is one sensible and practical way for
President Harrison to relieve himself Of the
annoyance resulting from the fastional con-
tests for District Commissioners, and that is
by renominating both Mr.. Webb and Mr..
Wheatley. These gentlemen have made
most excellent Commissioners and represent
both political parties so far us there is any
party differences in our community They
have the advantage of three years. expe-
rience in administering District affairs and
are therefore much better qualified than
any new selections would be for some time,
During their term they have secured
larger appropriations from Congress for
the District than any of their predecessors,
and they have the entire confidence of the
committee having charge OF the District
appropriations, which is o very important
consideration for the interests of our COM
mnnity. II the President desires to INFORM
himself of the standing which Messrs.
Webb and Wheatley as Commissioners
have with the Appropriation Committees
of Congress, let him ask Senator Allison
and Colonel d. b. Henderson and Louis e.
McComas, Members OF the House. They
will inform him that our present Board of
Commissioners have the entire confidence
and rpspect of the Appropriation Commit
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
QUEER coLLEGE NOTES.

Yale has won ll6 out of 1862 baseball
games.
There are 275 fraternity men at the Uni
yersity Of Michigan.
Bismarck fought twenty eightduels while.
attending college. iii--.
Cornell has now ,2ll students, a gain Of
200 over last years. registry.
Michigan university pays .Sl4S, 900 yearly
to its professors and employees.
Boston spent something like $4,000 for
the ventilation of school-houses last year.
There are 600 American students in the
University Of Berlin and at Leipzig.
The president Of Columbia receives a
larger salary than any other college presi-
dent In the country.
Italy has opened its universities to women
and Switzerland, Norway, Sweden and Den
mark have done likewise.
A professionally Of physical culture with
an endowment Of $1,000 is established at
Amherst in memory of the late Henry Ward
Beecber.
The starkvllle (Miss,) college hasn't a
woman around the Premises, The boys are
instructed in all details Of life, even to
cooking their food and washing their
clothes.
There are twenty persons whose gifts to
colleges in this country aggregate over
s23, 3,000,000 Three of these men-Stephen
Girard, Johns Hopkins and Asa Packer
gave over sl4,000,000.
II is said to be an actual fact that So
ciety of well-to-do young women has been
formed in New York for the systematic
study of the Constitution of the United
States and of the time and condition that
led to its adoption,
Jonas G.. Clark, who made his millions In
lucky California Investments (Spring Val
ley Water stock and Alameda land), has
associated with himself eight well-known
citizens of Worcester, and charter has
been obtained to establish university In
Worcester, Mass. Mr.. Clark says that he
had the project In mind many years, and
visited European universities for ideas.
He intends that the new university shall In
time fairly rival Harvard in scope and ma
tional reputation, aud he has ample funds
to carry out his ideas.
Fathers buy It, Mothers prize Il, and the
children take DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup,
"Your only safety isin acting promptly p
II yousuifer pain buy Salvation OIL quick.
HEuMcH's bottled Maezern beer. Tele-
"A ~
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
A suit for 100000.

Tho suit of Sanford Lewis against the
Washington and Georgetown Railroad
Company for $4,000 damages was placed
on trial before Chief Justice Bingham to-
day. He claims that he was very seriously
hurt by being thrown from summer car
because of Its sudden starting. Messrs.
VIM. A. Cook and G. M, Smith appear for
the plaintiff and Messrs. Enoch Totten and
w. d. Dayidge appear for the railroad com
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
walker Blaine.
Chicago Herald.)
DaVlegi

Al Parson Davies.
"Parson, who is this Walker Blaine that
has just got fat place under HarrisonSn
Parson-~I give II up. | thought | knew
every walker in the country, but / never
heard of him. He amt in the Clipper
Almanac, either ] don't know who he is.
"If Harrison wants to put pedestrians
into the Offices why doesen't he take men
with record that somebody knowssn
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

WmSdbp NpWSD
A few more good offices are still at large.
Illinois men are after all of them, but they
have been chased so persistently OF late
that they are as timid as prairie antelope.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
That Gold Badge Again.

WAsuISGToN, March 20.--Editor Critic;
"Wig-Wag,n IN yesterdays paper is, to
put II mildly, mistaken, Mr. Wolf did his
duty and only that, stole no march on any
one, presented gold badges to the President
and Vice President accompanied by Messrs.
McCammon and Ruth of the Executive
Committee, Colonel Britton having de-
clined, In the name OF the Executive Com
mittee. Having been spoiled In the die
they were taken back and replaced by per
feet ones. The two imperfect ones the de-
signer had nhand. Mr.. Wolf purchased one
as asasouvenir and the other Hon. MIR. Coleman
bought for like reason. am never afraid
TO sign the name Of SIMON WOLF.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

TkS prize coRugdrunl contest IN TnE CaIrIo
qciif iA<t until ths 1st OF April. ire tern,s are
paper. " engage ~ he contest s0M arord an
nfersstinh occupation.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

The tiller OF ship does not plough the
CRIrIo.
No, they take steer to do that.-[Hotel
Mail.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
TIE ENGLISH MISSION.

The English Mission is a white ele-
phant. What shall be done with it2
All sorts of tales are afloat. New York
has the French Mission and the repre-
sentative to Great Britain can, per-
haps, hardly be taken from that State,
though what Minister to England
Chauncey Depew would make
As said above, all sorts Of stories are
afoat. II is said, for instance, that the
President has conferred with the Sen
ators from Illinois and from some other
States, suggesting that they name a
man for his consideration, This may
or may not be so, but the English Mis-
sion remains still white elephant.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

Kis not expected that all conuRarums con-
tributed In The CRITIo's contest tDiU be Of th6'
FIRST order, but 10 make them ,CiN afford recrea-
lion, 10 any group gathered Of an eueninq, and,
those any iody ,porthy aDiH be printed. Look at
fhe column on he second page headed, "A Prize
C0aundruDl Contest"
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

ferrous orange trees of Florida and re-
joices that he is not Mr. Harrison, who
basks beneath the odiousness of dlsgruntled
ofiice-seekers.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
A MaIapropos Inquiry.

A sharp ring at the doorbell. 1t is 2
o'clock In the morning. One Of the pbysi-
cian's proudest privileges is that his work
ing day never ends. SO Dr. B. slips rom
the warm bed to the cold floor, gathers
enough clothing to make himself barely
presentable, and goes down stairs The
door is opened, letting in fine sample Of a
March wind In his night-clothes, and a
rather confused young man on the doorstep
says; "Can you tell me where DR.. G--'s
Office isS'
DR.. c. is a practitioner of the homeopa-
thic school, while DR.. B. is an allopath.
Yet Dr. B. gives the desired information,
and shuts the door, one might say, with a
slam. AS he goes up stairs few words of
profane tendency escape him.
Was DR.. B. justified in swearingS-
[Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
UNDERT4RERs.

UNDERTIKERS
>~~~0~-~<--o-~-~0~~0~ ~0~~0~-00-0(N~~'~-9Se~~--
I WILLIAM LEE
Successor TO Henry Lees sons.
= U N u ID n II "A * ID r =
332 PENN, AVENUE N. W.,
South Side.
Branch ofiice, 49s Maryland ave. sw.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

THE HARMONY among Republican leaders
in Ohio is strikingly heterogeneous, and
getting no better fast.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
CRITICULAR.

WHAT is the word which best describes
execution by electricity?
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

WHAT IS Known as "knihhg' seems 70
to be the rule In New York politics OF late.
One leader does something that does not
please another and there is trouble imme-
diately. They are tolerably good Christians,
these New York politicians--we refer, OF
course, to the Kepublicans--bu they are
not literal enough In the scriptural inter-
pretations. They are TOO much IKE the
new sunday-schooi pupil described In some
OF our esteemed contemporaries;
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21

Fathers buy 1t, Mothers prize Il, and the
children take DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup,
"Your only safety sin acting promptly
IT yousuifer pain buy Salvation on quick.
HEuRroH's bottled Maezern beer Tele-
phone call, 694-3.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-21
TnE PEOPLES coLuMN..

r Communication on any matter of current
interest will be ;oheerfully printed in THn
CMrIc under this head, Letters should in oil
cases be as brief as .possible.l