Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-06-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

Speaking of detectives, isn't the sun
great shadower ?-BoSton Courier.
The electrician is a good soldier. He
knows how to charge battery CeUeldmd
| Sun.
| People who are fond of eggs take more
interest in the hens than the poets lay
Boston Courier.
Virgins says the seas are drying up.
They set him good example. Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
The crib of the first baby is a cradle of
liberty, but the mother doesn't get much
freedom from it.-Nel9 York Journal.
There may have been times when Job
was "out of humor," but there is no en-
phatic record of lt-GLeHS Falls Republican.
Cambridge profanity: Miss Brattle-
streeter-"There. Pve made a blot Oh,
dear I'd say Shoot it, if only dared"
Harcard Lampoon
Discounting future punishmeat-The
small boy who persaades his father % buy
mamma a pair of worsted slippers with
| padded soles. ~ Y. Journal
A correspondent wants to know how to
remove paint. The best way is to sit
down on it and then get up and walk
away.-Rochester Post Express.
The smart young man said he had not
| been in the drug store very long, but he
| had been at the soda fountain long enough
to be a fzzician.- Washington Critic
He" Talking about names, 1 wish 1
could get mine changed. L think it is too
ugly for anything" She enthusiastically
7 ~ -, 81,
Burlington Free Press.
Miss Dolly (who has hopes herself)-
Now, Mr.. Monies, | want you to invent
new joke right away" Mr. Monies
Pm going to marry your sister," That's
no joke" Isn't it%-Tinle.
Poor man, how were you injured so
Railroad accident? ?' "No'm." "Ex-
plosion?' "No'm," Something fall on
you?" "Yes'm the wrath of the base
ball team. | was an umpire, 'm."-Har-
per's Weekly.
Judge" Prisoner at the bar, what is
your name w Prisoner (accused of indel-
icacies of the season y" Please, your honor,
if it is quite immaterial to you, l think l
should prefer to preserve my incognito."-
Paris Figaro.
''There is but one vacant bed left, sir"
said the hotel clerk, "and that is N room
occupied by gentleman from Kentucky"
"All right" was the eager response; "put
me in with the Kentucky gentleman. I'm
just down from ne."-LJe
He" Women make much greater ado
over choosing a husband than men do in
| choosing a wife" She -" Yes; our
chances for securing worthless partners are
much greater than men, and we must be
more discriminating" g."-On1aha World.
Ella-'How do you like Mr.. Mash? 1
hear he called the other night" Ethel
81 think he's fearfully horrid. He asked
me if | could play on the piano. and l
told him that couldn't play much"
"And what then ?' "That was all."-N
| 7. Sun.
Miss DeHubb-"Do you think that any
of the lost arts will ever be recovered, Mr..
| Porker?" Mr.. Porker-N'There is one
which 1 hope will be found" "What is
that?' "The secret of dressing at the rate
of $4,000 year on $40 week-Lau-
renee American.
! Morris Parke-" There is Franklin de
Belleville. Let's turn down this street"
| Madison Squeer-"I thought you and he
were great friends" Morris Parke-" So
we are; but he moved into the suburbs
lately, and | don't want to hear ANYTHING
about his garden. Puck.
Mr. Jonathan Trump; You are charm
ing tonight" Miss Penelope Peachblow-
Indeed? What nice things you men
say Mr. Brown Just told me the same
thing" Mr.. Jonathan Trump anxious to
deprecate his rival )-"Of course you don't
believe he meant it p'-Judge
Tramp Ito pedestrian -" Would you be
kind enough to give me 10 cents? |
want to buy clean collar and have my
boots BACKED" Pedestrian What is
your profession" I'm on the railroad"
/" Brakeman ?' "Weller-kind of a brake
man; I'm nearly always Puck.
Little Howard had been told he must
be punished, but that he could choose be-
tween a whipping or being shut up in
dark closet. After moments serious
thought he said: "Wen, papa, if man.
mall do it, | dess I'll be whipped but if
oo's doin' to whip me, dess III be shut up"
Policeman g a. M.)-"Come, sir, you
must move on. You've been standing
here an hour" Pompano with dignity
-"Know it-waitin' for carzh." Police
man-"No night ears on this line, sir"
Pompano with increasing dignity -
"Waitin' for day carzh; timesh nozzin to
me."-Lye.
Baseball Maiden" Yes, Mr.. Joblots,
all is over between us. Here is the ring.'
Mr.. Joblets-"I am to understand then,
Mabel, that our engagement is at an end"
Baseball Maiden" Exactly. | give you
your release, and expect to sign a new
man the latter part of the week. Good
byw-Minaedpolis Tribune.
Mr.. Birch (who has told his scholars
the story of Sir Walter Raleigh's using
his cloak to enable Queen Elizabeth to
pass over puddle dry-shod, and who
wishes the class to understand that Raleigh
was thorough gentleman )-"Now chill
dren, that you have heard this pretty
story, what do you think of Sir Walter
Raleigh" Tommy Twiggs-"Was he
lookin' fer an office ?'-Ppck
Uncle Clearwater (noted temperance
apostle, on visit to his nephew, looking
out of parlor window -" What fine
building that is across the way" Nephew
=" Yes; but the owner built it out of the
blood, the aches and groans of his fellow
men, out of the grief of crying children
and the woe of wailing women Uncle
Clearwater-"Ah! A rum-seller, of course.
Yes, yesw Nephew-"Oh, no; he's a
! dentist n-TorOntO Grin