St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-11-24
The HAPPY HYENAS
Who Daily Perform the Body
-Snatehing Act on the
Street.
Jovial Ticket Agents in Their
Mimic War Over TraV-
elePS.
Cory Scenes Which Exist in
the Imagination Of Their
Victims.
A Jovial Pack of Wolves Who
Wink at Each Other
in War.

"Ilcket office here! Tickets for all
| points East, South and WeSt?' Here
you are. gents. tickets 10 all points in
America!" Such are the cries that re-
sound from one end of the Third street
| railroad district to the other. No less
than eight hoarse-vmced men strive
with one another trying hard to see
| which can shout the lHudest. When
some white haired Scandinavian comes
| along, gazing in mute wonder at the
| gorgeous signs that tlaunt their gaudy
! decorations on the windows and doors
| of the ticket Office, rush is made for
| him. One man SeiZeS him by the right
arm, anotheESby the left. his coat tails
| are grabbed by third, a fourth catches
| him Ivy the nose. fifth and sixth by
each ear, seventh by the back of the
neck. while the eighth Skirmishes around
tine outside of the circle Watching with
eagle eye q chance to catch hold of his
blonde beard or any other salient point
of his person that becomes exposed.
They all yell at once, asking him where
he wants to go, each assuring him that
ne has the shortest route to anywhere
from New York to Kalamazoo, from
Alpha to 0melial' One of the Octette
| of friends gains slight advantage, an
other seeks to retrieve lost ground by
tripping the 'hObo' up. The only
chance for the unfortunate is scrap
between the body SnatcherS." Event
| ually he says he does not want to go
anywhere and then his aSSailantS
GIVE EACH OTHERS NICKELs
to kick them. Before they are able to
perform this mnch-needed operation
they scent other prey. and make pell-
nell rush for some man with haySeed in
the grizzly hairs that pIOtrude from the
caVernOuS OriticeS which do duty as his
nOstrilS. This man wants to go to Ia
coma. but. with genuine rural instinct.
dare not say So, and before he knows
what is happening he is rushed into the
Office of the Chicago. St. Paul K Kansas
City, where Clarence RObb takes him in
hand and subjects him to crOSS-eXam-
inatiOn which scares him. "Are you
voter?' "Yes." do you live in the
Second ward?'' No" do you know
any one who does live IN the Second
ward?'' YES" "Well-have cigar
ask your friend" to vote foi Robb for
alderman, there's good fellow" The
| hayseed gazes at the wOuld-be city
father in a daZed sort of way, and asks
the price of ticket to Tacoma. RObb
that Tacoma is no sort of a place
TO go. You don't want to go to
Tacoma" says he, ''yOu think you do,
but you don't. You want TO go to ST.
Joe, Mo. | can sell you a ticket to st.
Joe for -" During this cOllOquy
Robb's rustler stands guard over tile
door to see that the victim does not e5-
cape. the other seven wait with their
noses fiattened against the window. like
pack of wolves Scenting their prey.
The wOuld-be traveller protests that he
aces not want to go to st. Joe, but wants
to 20 to Tacoma. RObb tells him that a
ticket to Tacoma will cost him S15, but
he can go TO st. Joe for $50. There is
some difference in the two figures and
this strikes the man as an inducement.
If he is green he frequently buys a
ticket % St. Joe before he knows what
has struck him. What he does with it
nobody knows and nobody cares. Sean
dinavianS come along In drove and
hold a consultation outside every
Office before they deputiZe one of
their number t, enter the portals.
Before he buys ticket, whether ii is to
Los Angeles or to Merriam Park. the
whole gang go to every ticket office in
town and price them all. When they
find there is no difference in the rate
they 20 homa and ponder upon these
things, coming to the conclusion that
all the agents are in a conspiracy to
swindle them. The next day they come
around again, and standing on the south
side of the street gaze at the red, blue
and gold fronts opposite, wonder at the
brilliance of the scene. the fantastic
cOlOring of which resembles fight be-
tween a California sunset and an aurora
borealiS, With
A RAINBOW AS REFEREE.
Then THE wolves attack them and hus-
tie them across into Jack Whelan'S,
where they perhaps buy a ticket to
Hong Kong when they want to go to
Bergen, or to Egypt when their destina-
ton is Finland. Sometimes man does
not know where he wants TO go to, but
one of the sharks soon cOnvinceS him.
A man comes in. saying he wants to 20
to some place. he fOrgets the name, but
it is about half way between New YORK
and New Orleans. Ed. Whitaker hunts
over two or three maps and eventually
informs the man that st. Louis is the
place. If he does not think that is cor
rect little argument soon cOnvinceS
him, and he buys ticket for that place.
Frequently two Of the vultures swo0p
down upon an unOffending lamb and
quarrel over the spells. Then the Kan
says City slugS the Northern Pacific, or
the Northern Pacific smashes the AL
bert Lea in the nose, or the Manitoba
kicks the Omaha in the eye, or the Wis
cOnsin Central kills one of the free
lances Nho represent every road in gen
eral and no road in particular. Black
eyes. blood and hair beStrew the side
walk; the windows are splashed with
gore. chips of flesh fly in CHASTITY
shower. while Shreds of clothing are
scattered before the wind. But these
vultures are generally good friends.
They do not hate each other in reality,
but when they have grabbed body they
sometimes quarrel over Its dissection.
Third street is great place, and there