Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1889-08-04
AN ALPINE ADVENTURE.
David Ker Tells How He Was Supposed
to Have Killed Himself.

David Her Tells How He Was Supposed
to Have Killed Himself.
special Correspondence
New YORK, July 22-The renowned Irish
man who vowed 10 hang himself or perish
in the attempt was undoubtedly an artist in
suicide; and so, too. was the Russian tele-
graph clerk who being ordered TO copy ex-
actly any signal made by his right hand or
left hand neighbour saw the latter hang him
self on one of the posts, and promptly hung
himself in like manner, supposing this 70 be a
signal.
High in the same list stands the young
French officer who. intending TO make his
suicide worlds wonder" went with q
cord, pistol, a match box and phial Of
poison down TO the sea shore, where he
climbed convenient pole, hitched his rope
70 it and put the moose round his neck, swal-
lowed the poison. set his clothes ablaZe with
a match. fired the pistol at his head, and
threw himself from the post, meaning 10 be
poisoned, burned, slrot and hanged all at
once Unluckily the bullet missed him and
cut the rope, and down he fell into the sea,
which put out the fire, while the brine that
he swallowed made him throw up the poison,
and then the tide washed him ashore unhurt,
TO his no small chagrin.
But although all these were certainly dra
matte suicides, | myself was once, while
wandering in the Higher Alps, the hero of an
unpremeditated felo-de-se quite as impressive
as any of them, and this was how IL hap
pened:
had been tranping over the mountains,
up hill and down dale, ever since sunrise on
a summer morning almost hot enough for my
old haunts in North Africa, and seeming TO
become what I once heard British tourist
call more hotterer" every minute.
But /, fortified by breakfast consisting Of
a lump of sticky brown bread and piece OF
cheese 50 hard that at every bite: 1 expected
to see my front teeth left sticking in it, made
UP my mind 10 reach that day mountain
village forty miles distant, and posted on
ward like the negro who kept on running
three days and three nights cause he wur too
lazy % stop"
The usual history of such amateur forced
marches" according to~my experience, is
somewhat as follows; You start with jaun-
" step and general air of being able To
walk round the world before breakfast, and
only condescending TO this little forty mile
stroll il default of anything better. BY the
middle of the third hour the jauntiness Of
your step is not quite so evident, and you be-
gin TO feel such an absorbing interest in the
surrounding scenery as TO be constantly halt
ing to look at 1t.
Presently you find yourself trying 10 make
the way appear shorter by keeping your eve
fixed upon some landmark ahead Of YOU,
which instantly seems to remove itself 10
double the former distance, and containers
in that sitivationH till you come right up 70 it,
when it suddenly appears as if you had gone
no distance at all. Then YOU begin 10 wax
irritable, showing q sad want of self control
at every collision Of your foot with stone,
and being goaded to absolute frenzy by the
persistent attempts Of an inquiring fly 10
make geological survey of the interior of
your left ear
Should man come up and pass you on the
road-or. worse still, keep pace with you
you are Instantly filed with deep and
heartfelt yearning TO see him fall down and
break his leg; and when he does not, he at
once becomes the object of n bitter and I'M
dying hatred on your part, which gradually
extends itself TO the country, the people, the
mountains, your knapsack, yourself and the
whole scheme of creation.
Through all these various stages dbl pass
till at length. toward the end of nay thirty
second mile, sighted tiny mountain ham
let, and trampcd into 1T in quest OF food.
The bread that / got was like the Irish sail
or's biscuit 80 hard that II "a man were to
eat il, il would break horses tooth but
/ found to my great delight few lingering
bottles Of effervescing lemonade, with which
l imprudently filed my pocket flask to the
brin
But as / passed on through the village
soon became aware that my presence was ex-
citing a great and by no. means fattering
sensation. In this quiet little village, quite
off the usual tourist track, the apparition Of
a man in foreign dress, pale, dusty, ragged
and plentfully spatterei with blood for
had cut my hand and foot rather severely by
a fall among the rocks might well seem sas-
picious, and the remarks that1 heard in pass
ing told me that public opinion was divided
as to whether was drunk, or mad, or "a muir
derer.
quickened my pace-for, tired as | was,
had no wish to take my ret inside the local
prison-but hardly had done 80 when there
came loud expIosion-an6 blow against nv
chest, and, what with the shock and the sur
prise, went staggering back against a tree,
wondering whether one OF ny TIiS had
snapped, OF whether / had burst like an over
blown air bladder.
Ia a moment / was girdled with ring Of
startled faces, and clamor Of mingled shouts
broke forth:
''Suicidei7
Help! Call the doctor!n
"Tell the bailiGrf
''See how the poor fellow ble.is." cried the
stalwGrt German who supported me- pointing
70 dark stream that was ooz1ng through the
breast Of my coat; she must have shot him
self right through the heart. F"
Not esactly, couIrade, said !, taking a
handful Of broken glass out Of my breast
pocket; did you ever hear Of a man with q
heart made Of gla=F
The roar Of Laughter tina; followed and the
shouts OF Die FlAsche-ach. die FlaScbs" i
IT'D. fask. Ohio! the TASK shook the very air.
for ell guessed al onos that nay pocket fask
had BEEN burst BY the expanding power u
the liquor. and that the suppossd ''blooe'
which Eickled through M clothes was moth
ing worze than lemonade. The honest 5 WIS. I
stln laughing unrestTsSneSlT. sscGrted me CT
Of tbs village IN triumph, and tbs C-g man
v DO bad psckst me up kindly offered me Al
other ''hseche" slnrss- "a large ~ the hastc
end Of q raTskyt. % put Il ny pocket Instead
uFE.ssF. Ia lg.@