The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-07-26
advice Easy 70 RememD.- and to Practice
In AN Emergency

AuttTe Easy 10 Rtfnomuss anu 70 FfhCNH98
in an Emergency.
In the mad whirl OF the cotillon, II
you wear ready-made clothing bought
from al irresponsible dealer, and hear
b-z-z-t that don't harmonic with the
I string on the bass fiddle, 1t is entire
ly correct and proper TO not forward
and back according to the commands
OF the figure-caller. but to back straight
ahead without baking until you reach
the wall, when pin neatly utilized
may cover your embarrassment and re-
treat People who snicker under such
circumstances should be put outside the
pale OF good society.
When invited out to dinner and you
inadvertently get huge mouthful OF
mince pie that is hot enough to melt
the solder of gas-pipe. tangled up in
your epiglottis, do not act as II you had
the whooping cough, but rise calmly
and with slight-of-hand movement
toss the offending morsel behind the
majolica dog in the corner, meantime
patting his head as though you thought
him alive. This graceful act never
fails to win the heart of your hostess.
who thinks you intend her faithful
friend TO partake OF the festivities.
Some writer on etiquette. good
many years ago, said that it was per-
fectly proper to eat fried chicken with
the fingers. have often noticed peo-
pie seize on wing and rip it open like
they would tear a yard VI clothing ma
terial of bolt of calico and so the
cracking of the crazy bone was audible
all over the dining-room. 1t is true
that some fried chickens require heroic
treatment but when an apprentice in
etiquette tries to jerk the goose-hesh of
the second joint of Louis XIV. hen
and squirts streak OF gravy into the
eye OF his neighbor it does seem that
new code regarding the best manner of
shattering the remains Of hard boiled
fowl should be introduced.
When the sheriff OF the county serves
subpoena on you. it is considered In
good taste to attend his reception with
out further invitation on his part
Some sticklers on politeness, however.
who find that 1t will prevent their wit
Messing ball game. go to the extreme OF
sending around physicians certificate
TO the effect that they are indisposed |
from the influence of the sportive ele-
ments.
Don't use snuff II your false teeth are
not strictly adhesive. once heard OF |
a case in which this rule was not OBJ
served, when the transgressor, in a
tnoughtless moment. nearly knocked |
the eye out OF a twenty-tive-dollar King
Charles spaniel.
No one but boor will sn0re in the |
Volapuk language in church where q
sermon is being delivered in English.
Observance Of the harmonies is one OF
the greatest traits OF the true gentle
man. People who have enlarged. Ro-
AAAdbCoIhO u0odi NlOEdo WILL DC AubCE~
ested in an invention which friend of
mine is getting up, which he calls the
Sure Snore-Killer II Is a phonetic
connected with pillow
sham holder, and when the air vibra-
tons are four lines below the clef, to
use musical term, the holder drops
and hits the sleeper across the bridge
of the nose. Four caveats and num-
Der OF legal retainers have already
been filed.
Don't play practical jokes on a spita
log whose tail is done up like the let
er O.
When you order meat from your
butcher don't ever use the term limb
u mutton" He will think that you
lever intend paying for It.
In all cases OF doubt about the minor
'oints OF etiquette. a strong bluff on
weak hand will almost always win. -
Rochester Union.
SHOE-STORE TRAGEDY.