davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
WHAT WOMAN can 30.

Shc can say "no" III such low
Ncicc that il means 'ycs.n
She can do more in i minute than
aman can do IN IN hour, and DO il
better
She can throw 4 stone with u curve
that would be i fortune to d baseball
pitcher,
six oI them can talk at one time
and get along tirst-ratc, and no two
men can do that
She can sharpen q lead pencil ii
vuu give her plenty of time and plon-
tyofpencils.
she can safely stick fifty pins in her
lgrss while he is getting one under
iis thumb nail.
she can appreciate q kiss from her
husband sevonty-iive years after the
ceremony is performed
She can come to a conclusion with
cur the slightest trouble OF reasoning
on II, and no sane man can do that,
She can dance all night in pair OF
shoes two sizes too small fer her, and
enjoy every minute Of the time.
She can walk half the night with a
colicky baby in her arms without
once expressing the desire Of murder
ing she infant
She is cool as o cucumber in half q
dozen tight dresses and skirts, while a
man VIII sweat and fumo and growl in
one loose shirt.
She can talk as sweet as peaches
and cream to the women she hates,
while two men would be punching
each others heads before they had
exchanged ten words.
shs can 80 to church and aiterward
tell YOU what every woman in the
congregation had on, and in some
rare instance can give you some faint
idea Of what the text was.
She can drive man crazy for twen-
ty-iour hours, and then bring him to
paradise BY tickling him under the
chm, and there does not live that
mortal son Of Adams misery who can
do it.-Ex.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
CLOTHING.

Montague is opening up the
largest and best selected stock
of Mems, Boys and Chill
dren's Clothing ever opened
at this place. We can fit any
one both in size and price.
Montague carries Oregon City
Clothing, California Cassi-
mere Clothing, Eastern
Worsteds, as we'll rs a great
variety Of seryiceable, low
priced goods.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
-4-| 7IV t77T-T z
THE MAcRiNE AGENT.


The machine agent is one Of the
luxuries of the 18Th century. He i'm
habits civilized countries in large
numbers and belongs to the human
race. He commonly drives about in
il buggy drawn Il horse thatis lame on
three legs and can't walk on the
other.
He sells haryestors, sewing ma
chimes, tanning mills and other mis-.
cellaneous contriyances, He drives
up to o farmer, kicks q fan mill out Of
the wagon and il less than four sec
onds goes to tanning wheat and talk
ing All the time. His jaw makes 81
consecutive muscular movements TO
oae revolution Of the mill, and he
never fails 10 talk the arm off an able
bodied man in two minutes, and has
been known to do il in less time than
that.
He is as full cf business rs the
chairman Of w6men's rights conven-
ton, and has tongue that il loose ut
both ends with ball and socket joint
in the middle, consequently he can
make it "talk."
The machine agent sometimes has
a stay in his proceedings, particularly
when the bosom Of his pants becomes
entanglel in the teeth Of somebody's
dog.
A scientist has made the calculation
that if machine agent had lungs as
large in proportion as q grasshopper,
he could sell farmer a machine at a
distance OF three emiles-Aheml
He also calculated that ii a farmer
could kick as hard in proportion as a
grasshopper, he could kick that ma-
chine agent into "kingnom come"
When ne sells sewing machines, he
will bet his last suspender button he
can sew anything Except winter
rye.
His tongne operates as fast as the
double-duplex, back action treadle Of
his sewing machine.
: While he talks he stops occasional
Is to get a breath Of fresh air and tell
the truth,
We once knew n sewing machine
agent who wanted to sell his machine
so bad that he sold II for nothing; We
also heard Of one who sold one much
cheaper.
The machine agent is matter of des-
tiny. The march ofthe machine agent
is ns sure as the march oftime.
=. S.-Let him nIarch!-Ex.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

Our stock of Henrietta
cloths, cashmeres, tricots,
camel hair goods, waterproofs,
and advance styles Of every
thing wearable is simply inn
mense. The ladies are invit-
ed to call and take a look
through the goods. They were
bought at very low prices and
will be sold correspondingly
low.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
NOTICE FOR PUBLICATION.
Land ofIIec q oFogon cIly. oregon.

Land Office at Oregon city, Oregon.
October ), lS30.
nJoliee Is hereby given that the efolloWinR-nnmcd
settler ias Ned notice Ofhisintonlion tOmake
fiHal proof in support Of biz claim, and thai said
proof viii BE made before the county Judge or IN
has absence before tic county clerk Of Linn couIl.
~, ~, albany, Oregon on 1ue,day Eoy. -, 1850
viz. j j. Michael, homestead ertfy NO e:22 ior
Ire nl< 0flhs nwi-ikei-i 0f nWl.i and ncf-i Of sg
IL of rec ., tp l2sOfrIp W
1lenames the following witnesses to prove his
continuous gcsidenee lipOn and cultivation of sald
land. viz W Cats " II savage. a savage and Il
Osborn, all Of Lebanon. Linn comfy. oregon
J. 4. APPERsON, Register
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

II you want to adorn your home,
make your wife happy and feel real
good yourself just 20 TO Fortmiiler Il
Irving, Of Albany, and make selcc-
ton from their immense stock osfurni-
ture. All cassen, styles snd variety Of
suites, or separate pieces. No trouble
to ss0w goods--cOmo and see.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

We call the attention Of the farmers
to The fact that we are running our
chopper on Thursday, Friday and Sat
urasy Of each week. Our prices are
reasonable and work guaranteed.
CRoss u HYDE.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
DRESS GOODS.

Our all wool Aldine suit
ings, q full yard wide, which
we are selling at 80 cents per
yard, is without doubt the
best value for the money ever
offered to the ladies of Lcba-
non.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

The One Price Cash Store
will continue to deliver Gro
ceries and General Merchan-
disc to the citizens Of this
place and vicinity at a mere
nominal advance over the
original cost.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

Our stock Of boots and
shoes was made expressly for
us and every pair we sell is
fully warranted. When you
wantanything in the foot wear
line look over Alontague's
stock and Get bis prices. #
you want to get good goods at
living prices you viii uecesaa-
rily buy your boots and shoes
of Montague.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

The Adyentists in several states are
apIit ZIP on The date Of the judgment
day, some having predictedsit for this
month and some for next. II they
can come to an agreement en- it the
world viii be apt to run on.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
NOTICE FOR PUBLICATION.
Land Office at Oregon cry, oregon,

land Uiilce at oregon CITY, Oregon,
October ,, 1852
Notice Is hereby given that tthcf0llowing.namod
; s<tor has filed notice VI Intention TO make
linal pfoR In support Df his chin, and that Aad
proof will se made before the county Judge Or In
bis ahsenee before TIL. county clask OF Linn eonn.
y ~ AlbnnY, Oregon, on N0laay NGY. Il, 1859 VIZ
james 7. Downing, homestead entry No 5ys5 for
ts ~ Of nHl-i and nj 0f Of Nv ~ 0f rec q, 10 II
Ofr1A
lie names tho following wnesSos 10 prOys hiy
conLintous residence upon and cultivation OF aid
iand Yk Il have, Of sclo, Linn county; A, fitz-
matu. ClCafk nnd W. Smith, 0f Lebanon Linn
county, Oregon.
1T. APPEnsoS, Register
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
FoTIcE FOR PUBLICATION.
Land Office at Oregon City, Or, |
OctOl or I. 1890. I

~ rotice IL hereby given that the fol-
~ lowing named settler has filed
notice Of bis intention to make final
proof IN support Of his claim, and that
said proof will be made befoFe the
county Judge OF In his absence before
the cDuaty clerk Of Linn county, at
Albany, Oregon, on Tuesday. NoV. 10,
1859, viz: William J. Cats, homestead
entry No. G56l for the nj Of the mel Of
rec 3, tp 12s0frl W.
H names the following witnesses to
prove his continuous residence upon
and cultivation of sald land, viz: j E
Michael, w X Savage, A Savage and L
Osborn all Of Lebanon, Linn county,
Oregon. j. II. APPERsoN Register
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

The cutlery business is pushed to
that extent in Germany that fair
pocket knife can be manufactured for
eleven cents. This is cutting it down
to a thin edge.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

The greater aman isin power above
o.heTf fhemorcbe ought toexcel thom
III Yirtse. None ought to govern who
are nc. Letter than the governed.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11

Montagues stock Of fancy
work materials, as zephyrs,
woods and yarns, embroidery
silks, in fact everything that
goes to make up q complete
line ofmaterial for fancy work
can be found at Montague's.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
NONTAGUE'S COLUMN.

Montague's fall stock IS
now coMplete iii every de-
partment. The Mammoth
store is filled with as choice
goods, adapted to this mar
ket, as money will buy.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-10-11
NOTICE AS TO MONEY!

NOTICE AS TO MONEY!
Persons who owe Inc MUST
PAY UP NOW.
| do not propose to waste
much time in dunning. In
fact there are some whoimag-
inc they should not be dunn
cd at all, but it takes money
to do business. DO not be
surprised if you find the note
or account you may happen
to owe me in the hands of an
officer Tor VIZ -:S-P Pros@ Pf ; I
euasuuuuzssannusszauaaaAaAnuazssM
Telegram-herald., 1889-04-21

woman Asiug GA tie nf.h sfory q .
wrrsned tenement hive As New Nctk
The aut physician Wa detained with =
critical case 90 ths "a est sl1s and va
ts.rpaaHed g. 40 lny best aIJii she cousa
arrive The message had not been dis
patched IA season. aad - far a. ne earlier
part ol mF dnyes were concerned the heed
had paspea ieI toe ae.ag. Ia miserable
rooUl &iiaost uatarHisnra and with oraken
uacseA nooring. too women lAy On tee
dirty heaps ~ TaEs snc L. each 81
shens-if doesn't SQUAD probable la
tie telling. but iAe nssEnbor whs
waited on them both had coileutse
heT patients between tour walls 80
sI'eak-to each 81 them within a. hoar
cnl.c had been born There wAs 10 M
alld neither wemeN had removed lie
clothes The piace wAs ioul Rotten Wal
paper hung in strips snd the only hgb
caioe through q door ~lltA olened lDts
another nolsome apartment which had
coh~ ehhs window opening on halt~
lighted AIT shaft The su4tll ~ ths room
was frightfui Both women were suffer-
iuss aud the sloVen.s creature who attended
them hAc iosi - l.i ieN ~ifs sbe ever poe
sessea through fright At aavlae exchanged
~ ~
- - -, '',''. ~ 80" 'n'l'
-
'''',' 80. 80" '-- 40
was nervous aud Aad begnn to moan for
-. 80
How ] dld wish IAc out physician
would come 1 pokti down Tie rItketv
- '0,''. - i...'I
-
-
'e-' re" =" 49,
-, - - i' - -
80 a. ''.-s '"'" '.'~Aa
.''',' 80 .''"' P,''' .'-''' 800 -
-. -.
..'..'s .'.'- -
- ...'' a'. ''''" - n's
- ""'
''','' ..n
-. oDs '' :" "'.'' p" cue" guar
"a '''''' '''' '""' =
.'.'' - - '''',' So ga ~
''' 80 '-'- - -"
"N@''-s' '"e f"H' D'~"th '"o
u.0' "", .e" is 40
s. - -.aN - s"h@
- 'u'-' o'.' -" '''' '"-n' '"'' "v~'l
N"'"' '' pee" Qua a.
'lo'N -, '"e ''.oi ','"s W." "' '>'"i' ".s
@,"" 80 err -. -
s's o.- re ~ ''' ''''e'
i'os's !" N"' 80 80 ~ H'' ,i''' w.
"s'"1 - i'''e"' ''"-'s
go ."' "''" 90 va ''"' ''H' ""'''
VIC "'i'0s' -" '''' ''"''' - i"'n IN
f"he" az ei'Sc Sei.s''i''''+o" 40 F''eAs
""' .Du
memo Ne' one OF 'neni sn~it'o Al osi
"hht se sn""p'h io"na yefe ieff
hoi1 yer l'" nov i''pfien the puuy
hii'e al my s'"e. .is ere the lacy doc
TOT an ye re 10 t"on Al Ne ~ never VIII
Telegram-herald., 1889-04-21

a CALCULATING LOVER.
How Man of Statistical Turn Of Mind
Lost His Best Girl.

: was OF n statistical
turn of mind. In fact
he was what might
be called a statistical
crank. He can tell
you precisely how
long ii would take q
man To walk from the
earth tothe moon IL he
walked twenty miles
n day. He can tell 10
IN inch the number
q miles the average
woman VIII walk
while looking Tor her
scissors during au
ord nary lifetime. Ho
Telegram-herald., 1889-04-21
EASTER FESTIVAL
The Origin and History Of the Day
We Celebrate.
EASTERCCSI01S ANDSlPERSIlll0SS
Ths ParpstaAfian of the J~sish Passover
Tbs name Easter = survival ef Ieu-
Ioaic Mythology fhs tss
~ Flowers.

Z
Vesy feN people. even among devOut
Christians. can esge any accurate ac-
count OF The orga 1T the Easter fes-
tqal. or can tell why i occurs on a dif-
ferent day each year. ard now that
day IS determined. IT, name, Ike
ths-e II the days II the week. is SUR
visal of the old Ieut0nic mythology.
To the Germans i was known as Os-
tern. and 70 To the Anglo-Saxons as
Ea.tre. Or Eo.tre. name derived from
Eastre, or Oetara. the Anglo-Sax0u
Goddess Of Snrng. 70 uhon the fourth
month answerne to our Anril. thence
called Eostur -m0nath. was dedicated.
Tie name of tlis goddess comes from
the saxon o.ter Il rise, Iathc French
Fa.tsr s. x,,,,, D.. peo.es - the
'''''' !" 'i''
os ftscu1. All ~ winch are derived
from the Latin i't,.ha and the Greek
p,r.s ef..h 49,. rIsl4.. or .-,,.
"- ''' "'fN
r.'"
which WAS meant the passiug over ol
90. l....... ~ th. ch,l5r.r 80 T.r,al .,,
Fsl4, ly-uie 'e-'foyin anger "heh
be- snlote the Egyptians, cOmmemOrtted
b. tae great annual feast So often
.,,... "a. -. .t... ..-..,,.,.... 80, ~, -.
% ''ie passover.
Easter, which from rs earliest day
dav has boon .fviet the "Oueen of
t.....t. ....'.,.,.. -
-
tHis least ~ tAe htst 'hfistans,
WHO, from their close connection
with the Iae-,sb Church ratnranv
,l
0'-'.'-''''N ." ''"'9''
tNtls. mus the Passover, ennOnied
bv the thought Of Christ, the
-. p....i...t ..;..,,lr..,h .., srs+
,,..+. .~,.. - III -, tbe
C.-....',. E,.,@r p,t thsre c',,i,l-l,,
sr.-,,.e. ,,,, l....,,-e..., Ci,,..t,ans III tl,e
J.o--7 e1d ccn.,Ie de.,e,'t a ione-con.
t,,,.J rn5 RITZ 't.C.,es,- a. :, tbo
49,, 49,. 60. ~ ,,,...,-a-,,,a - ,b,s
t..,,ef rt- S,.-,,,,- .,,,,.+.d 10,
T.,t -borfI ,..,..,-,,e+s at 49,. .sroe
So -, - 80 IS 81 -.
to,,b-.L T., -, 49,, -, 60,
,ee,,sh 't,,. =. So ,,l,.,,, s,5 ~.
E..sc~ .o..ft ,.,..,''l,-.'f,- seii,,'.
,,-.,l.... .f g.. -. .-t.
GO. - ~.
,,,...,..... = $50 - - -
- -, - -. = -.
-. .,.............. - -.
-. -. t..fi -. ~ -,
-. - III ,r,,... So, ,,;,bc,.. -
Telegram-herald., 1889-04-21
DoINos or WOMEN FolKs.
New York FsshioB Critics Tind FsuIt
with Mrs.. ClcveIsnd's Drssse,

With Mrs. Cleveland Dresser
How Is u that having w0rsh.ppcd Fran
ces Folsom Cleveland On a pedestal for
two years and over we now begin 20 find
fault with her dresses The answer j.
simple enough. There De- little wrinkle
IN gOwning beressouts act observed ia
Washington. When q mother and dauoh-
ter sre abroad Supplying themselves with
armcT for the society ca1npa gn. the
mother studies The dress question not only
with 80 eye o. The Qirls style o. beauty.
bat also with a very definite recollection
81 The furnishing ~ the dear -Four Hub-
dred's drawing rooms The Van Bruah
Jiviugsfons thc says. ''cf course will in-
Fite you and their pafiors are in pale blue
and gold pompadoDr colorugs Tn eat
r0u Marie Autoinefte gown ~ paie mink
ard gold for your evening there Then
the Rutherford Courtlands st- rlsnrlnv
- entertain you. and you ID waui deii.
cate ser green crepe with SILVER helf aud
pink an1 silver hfocade trimmings 70 set
ycu % against their foss-cclored Empire
upholsteribEs With wardruhet ordered
after tuis fashion people if sutflv iHta
tneif snrroundugs and no amount -
money expended on q di1osnf principle
cal produce effects ~ compare
roO1 many people. they say. have
beer hufrTinF % 20 Europe. because they
were not naked 20 Distinguish themselves
81 TIE Centennial aail Marhe and vet.
psrhsps tie cary opening If tb. Frenek
Exposition ~ responsible far the exodus
a ary rate tie 2 sbf n giving Sudden
impetus - rew summer business for
women. the cbfrernriuF - travelling par
fies ri Qirls. tnp,lrn So know four ~ I've
Telegram-herald., 1889-04-21

co1rssr bulIdins L East fosr1esnth street
n thzg city.
Eureka weekly sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1887-1902, 1889-07-27
TWAS ONLY A JUG OF MO.
LAsSEs.
The sweets Got Mad and Acted
Like an Artesian Well.


The most disgusted man seen in
this section for long time was seen
on Washington street yesterday. He
was from the country and had q bare
foot boy with him riding in a go-cart.
He had a jug of molasses on the
seat between him and the boy, and
the heat and shaking OF the cart had
worked the molasses into q passion
and it began to boil over. The boy
first felt that something was wrong
and found that he was soaked with
molasses, and, on calling the mans
attention to the matter, he found him
self we'll sweetened and daubed also.
He seized the bung" and forced it
into the jug, but he might as well have
tried to cork up Vesuvius when in a
state OF eruption.
The enraged molasses squirted out
in Jets around the cork as long as the
man held down the cork, and as soon
as he let go, out few the cork and the
molasses went on boiling over. The
man looked at that jug as pint after
pint of molasses came out, much as
the fisherman must have looked at the
Jug he fished up containing a genii.
After several pints had poured out
he made an attempt to save the re-
mainder, but the cook could not be
kept in, and he finally wrapped q
gunny sack around the jug, placed il
on the Stats at his feet and drove off,
molassess pouring in torrents from
the vehicle and attracting flies and
small BOYS by the thousand. BY the
time he reached home there was prob
ably not drop in the jug, and if i
was not turned inside out the maj
was in luck.-Portland Oregonian.
Eureka weekly sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1887-1902, 1889-07-27
SOME GALL.
How = Couple Of Chicago sports
Raised the Wind.

" Pat Sheedy wasn't always the
comfortably fixed party he now is,"
said sport at the Washington Park
races. "No, sir, he continued, ave
known Sheedy when they were com
ing pretty short for him. 1t was back
in Boston years ago. Pat wasn't
barred out of all the faro games in the
country then, as he is now, on account
of his preternatural luck, though even
then he was one OF the best bank
players l ever saw. He was travelling
around town at that time with Dan
Murphy, better known among the
boys as Handsome Dan,' or Lord
Dashington.' They were aiterward
together with the Sullivan athletic
combination, but at this particular
time both Pat and Murphy were dead
broke; didn't have a cent, in fact.
"0f course, the boys were looking
for any chance to turn q card, and it
was dead sure case that they wouldn't
be broke long. They were a great
combination-Sheedy, good-natured
and skilled card player, and Murphy,
possessed OF the hardest gall in Bos-
ton. Murphy's gall was proyerbial,
but one little thing he did then
eclipsed all his passed exploits. The
games were running wide open in Bos-
ton at that time, and it was good times
for the sports. There was q fellow
named Fitzgibbon in town then who
had lots OF stuff and was regular
bank player. One night Sheedy and
Lord Dashington dropped into club
room where Fitz was playing. II was
pretty stiff game and the boys were
dying for crack at it. But they .didn'l
have a cent. They schemed and
thought, but couldn't raise the wind
Suddenly an idea struck Murphy. Ht
saw hanging behind Fitz handsome
beaver overcoat. To think with Muir
ply was to act. Telling Sheedy t
wait, he walked coolly over, put OF
the overcoat and walked out. Sheedl
waited, and presently Handsome Dan
returned with two $40 notes. Id
slipped one 10 Sheedy and said, Pla!
her; I'm in on il, remember Yes yol
are, said Pat: hand over the rest o
Won aren't in for anything Murph.
did, and Pat took seat and bough
some checks.
"Well, the game ran on for al
hour, and when Sheedy left the tabl
the partners were $3.50 ahead. Pa
handed Murphy his share and h
slipped out, took Fitz's coat out G
pawn, came back and coolly hung
on the hook again. Fitz never kne'
the coat was gone and Pat and Da
had a comfortable stake. - Chicag
Mail.
Eureka weekly sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1887-1902, 1889-07-27
Dress Reform.

An Indingant woman thus invites
men who talk about dress reform to
mind their own business: " Now,
why should man bother about the
health OF petticoats? lie doesn't have
to wear them. The Lord didn't build
him so that he was to have them
hung around his hips, and when he
made woman he did. Those marvels
OF lace and silk were thought of, and
1t was known that their appearance
would be entirely spoiled if they were
slung from her shoulders by pair oi
braces. Take any wild country where
civilized dress is unknown, where the
natural woman is found, and you will
discover that she carries her baby on
her hips and pitcher of water on hei
head, but that she slings nothing over
her shoulders. l think it is only
necessary for mankind to trouble
themselves about the way we wear oui
petticoats when We raise an objection
10 the adjustment of his trousers"
Eureka weekly sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1887-1902, 1889-07-27
SEND LITTLE ONES HAPPY
TO BED.

Send the little ones happy 10 bed.
When closes the troublesome day;
Let no harsh invective be said,
To ruffie their minds while they pray.
Sore trials aud troubles full soon
The sweet sleep Of childhood will ban;
Then let them lie joyously down,
And cherish brigh, dreams while they
can.
Send little ones happy 10 bed.
Though they may be mischievous and
wild
Nature seldom bestows q wise head
On a rosy. checked. lightbaired child.
Then let her glad spirits have play,
And brighter and stronger they'll grow,
Like q stream that runs free on its way,
And suffers no check In its flow.
Send little ones happy to bed,
You know not what Ill may be near;
Ere the morning your pets may be dead,
Then vain the regrets or the tear.
So let them lie down with delight,
And fail not TO give and TO take
A kiss when they prattle " Good night"
And kiss in the morn when they wake.
Eureka weekly sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1887-1902, 1889-07-27
TWAS A TERRIBLE DOSE.
what Befeil Young Man VINO
Was Fond OF Liquids.

"Great heavens! l shall die"
The young man was the son OF a
downtown undertaken, just home
from college, says the Philadelphia
North American. He entered the
home, and after greeting his mother
and sister, his fell upon a tempting
looking demijohn sitting in the corner
of his fathers office. "I'll take a
nip" he overheard himself say,
when they are gone"
Pretty soon he picked up the demi-
John and removed the cork. % That's
the stuff" said he to himself as he
took a smell. In an instant he had
the demiiohn to his lips and took a
good big "swig."
"My gracious! What are you do,
ing" cried his sister, as she observed
him absorbing the contents of the
demijohn. +" Do you know what thai
isP"
"No. Tell me quick"
"Why, that's saltpeter and alcoho
that your father uses to bathe dead
bodies with"
"Great heavenl l shall die" cried
the Young man. "Give me some
thing to make me vomit quick.
know | shall die !"
He drank about pint of cold coffee
out still the saltpeter and alcoho
never budged. Then they gave hin
a cupful of warm water, but the decoc
ton stayed there. A quart Of salt anC
water was poured into him, but 1t hat
no effect on his stomach. A physician
was called in, and after being informed
as to the matter said the young maj
would be around all right after awhile
And he was: but hereafter he'll lie
all MISUNDERSTANDING bottles in al
undertaker's establishment severely
| aiona