The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-01-30
HUM0R OF THE DAY.
We, the people-U. 5.

a Drlual party ne morse.
A dwarf pear-A couple under size.
A romance of the middle ages-An old
maids love affair.
Lost in the outskirts-A woman, when
she can't find her pocket.
Corners in the stock market may be
sharp, but they are never square.
"?ride goes before a FALL" and the
"Winter OF discomfort" comes after.
Shades OF the departed Those left
hanging when the last tenant moved
out.
How to b. happy, though married -
Let your wife do all the talking-BostOn
Courier.
To keep jellies from molding, place
them on q low shelf where they can be
reached by the children.
To write good story for the public
man must have a good upper story of
lis own.-Ae,0 York. Nstos.
Why will a street car c. nductor stopa
man from smoking and the next minute
help a woman to alight!-Nlo York
NeWG
"NIrs. Smith holds her age remarkably
we'll" "Shc holds her tongue about it,
if that's what you mean "- Boston Tran
ScrDt.
The man who grated an apple twig
into pine tree reports to the Gawktown
AgricULturist that he led to raise pine
apples.
"All men are born free and equal"
but unfortunately some are born equal
to two or three of their fellows. -NetO
York Tribune.
"Time and tide wait for no man.
but when a woman is in the case, zen
time and tide must wait or go on without
her. -Ne,O York Tribune.
Stranger -"NTay ask what your oc-
cupation is, sir!" Tally -ho driver Gn
college town)-"Oh, l coach the stu
dents. ."-Bmlingtoa Free Press.
Easily Explained. old Lady Ito gro
GERS boy -"What makes the-price on
them potatoes so stiG, boy" Greear5
Boy-"Its because there's so much~
starch in 'em, mum. .n-LDe.
Fl FIenchman-"Yes Miss Bostonia, in
the Mediterranean | sailed through
schools of sardines, Miss Bostonia-
"Nonsensel How could they swim in
those heavy tin boxes "-1ime.
Mrs. Scrumptous -"Do not go near
that old mill, my daughter" Daughter
"Why not, mamma" Mrs. s. "I,on't
you know that the Scriptures say that
the sound of the grinding is low. -
Chicago Gi0le.
Wife Ito unhappy husband-'I
wouldn't worry, John; it doesn't do any
good to borrow trouble. Husband
"Borrow troubled Great Caesar, my
dear, amt borrowing trouble Pye
got it to loan.'
"oust care from the West, chl Well,
how's business out there" Crush
ing. Thirty new towns were started in
Kansas, last week, and three of them
have already got few inhabitants. -
Ne,O Yors lPorH.
Bessic-"In the history class TO day
the teacher spoke about the tri.coloT
What is the tri-color, mammal1 Mann
mat think the teacher must have re.
ferred to yellow, my dear 1t is a very
tying color. ."-BUiiagtoR Free Pres.
Business ways. Clerk "Why doyou
want these apple barrels marked open
this endl What difference does il make
which end is opened" Fruit dealer
"We can't afford to pack large apples at
both ends of the barrel. "-DriEe's Aiga.
cine.
George dear, what a beautiful dia.
mond butterfly 1t looks ready to fly."
81 don't see why it wants to ly," growlcd
{ gorge. Goodness knows it's high
enough now. The roll plate counter is
at the other end Of the store. Come
on. '-JeWe flrS' Weeis.
Well, William ~ said Mr.. Hardheld TO
his new confidential clerk, 'you are In
first class position now at good salary.
| shall expect you to be faithful aud
fact, 10 make all my in
torests your own. II won't be necessary,
however for you TO make love to the
typewriter III attend to her myself"
HaUte EtlTess.
THE WAY or THE WORLD.
She stood upon the platform scale
Her lover by her side;
Her dimpled cheeks were rosy red
He murmured: b. my BRIDE
With downcast eyes and ALTERING hauI
Loves summons TO obey,
She placed a nickel IN the slot
And gave herself a weigh
The Glass of Fashion: "Ah," said Mr..
Soourplate grimly, as he adjusted his
necktie, I'VE ave TO put hup with the
airs OF these society people hall day but
when evenink comes, me boy, they show
wet the truly genteel is by putIink on
the dress that we wear all day !" "That's
20, replied Mr.. Crumbcloth, with
grave nod. "You ave great cad,
We walters be the real leaders
Of fashion. LIFE,