The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-11-14
WISE AND OTHERWISE.
Plane men-Joiners.
A hard ease-The turtles.

Plane men-Joiners.
A hard case-The turtles.
Getting the news-Stealing paper.
THE fan always moves in the best So
ciety,
| Ofwhat ought kite to be made POT
fly paper.
Beecham's Pills act like magic on a
weak stomach.
An engagement ring-A lot of match
making mammas.
A laying of plans usually precedes a
Matching of schemes.
A lawyer depends on words the real
estate man on deeds.
Love levels all things, with the posi-.
BILE exception of the head.
1t is little singular that a blunt re-
mark is often very cutting.
Dry weather-That part of the day
when a man is most thirsty.
Calling names-A mother shouting for
her son over the back fence.
The police should keep an eye on the
man who is dressed to kill"
To cut your poor relations dead, y
don't mention them in your will.
A bootless attempt-to get uD stairs
without being heard by your wife.
Truth is mighty and will prevail but
it is long time between elections.
A summer resort phenomenon-The
longer man stays the shorter he gets.
Considering how little the bell knows,
it is wonderful how much it has tolled.
j. q. Davis Old Soap is compounded
from the best material. All grocers sci
It.
All women of strong mind wish they
had been born men, and all men wish so,
too.
Don't disturb me, remarked the ed
itorial scissors, Il am right in the mid
die of an article"
Smith-Were you ever disappointed in
love Jones-No but I've been disap-
pointed in marriage.
PASSIONS paling -Wife-And do
you love me still, dearie Husband
Yes, darling still.
who are the lights of the Mormon
church nowP" asked Mrs. Cumso. 1.-The
Proselytes, replied Cumso.
A man may be very great and very
good and then not attract half the aiten-
ton that captured horse thief does.
Not every one is happy who dances, )"
says Spanish proverb. This is at least
true of the man who has just stepped on
a tack.
Highland inebriate, undergoing a
search in the police office-Och, hoch-
tat should be robbed in ia ferry POLISH
/ Office He weeps.
Ifyour mind is not upon your work
you cannot expect to accomplish it with
any degree of satisfaction to others or
credit to yourself.
Lawyers clerk-Will you take chair.
miss Boston girl-No, thank you
wouldn't know what to do with it. But
I'll sit down, if may.
Auntie-Charlie, your father is calling
you. Charlie-Yes, hear him. But
he is calling Charlie" / don't have to
go till he yells "Charles !!
The Chinaman's desire to have a fine
funeral has the approval of the Pacific
coast people, but they always want the
funeral to begin right away.
A license is necessary both in marriage
and in Sc ling liquors. This is because
they are at first Intoxicating and after
ward likely TO result in fight.
The nights are getting longer, but the
young man who occupies half of par.
lor cha with his girl every evening
doesn't realize it, Yonkers Statesman
Old fireplaces are coming into fashion,
but it seems likely the style adopted by
Lucifer, somewhat previous to Adam
will have as little said in its favor as
ever.
First physician did old Coupons
case yield to your treatment p Second
physician-"It did | treated him six
months and it yielded something like
$1,000. Thine.
Dressmaker-"And how will you have
the costume trimmed. Mrs. Parvenu p
Mrs. Parvenu-'I guess you may put on
Delirium trimmlns. hear they're all
the rage now"
Miss Penelope Peachblow-"You dc
not really believe that marriage is fail.
ure p Mr.. Jonathan Trump-"I do, il
you have preferred creditor, and SHE
returns your love-"
Dry sermons are bad enough, but fol
the minister to preach them through hi:
nose is ineXcusable. DR.. Bulls Cougi
Syrup will save both minister and ser
mon if taken in tima.
Charming widow-"And what are you
doing nowadays P" He-"Oh, amusing
myself looking out for number one
, And you ?" Charming widow Look
ing out for number twO."-LDe.
She-"Oh, see that scarecrow on
there in the field !" He-"That isn't I
scarecrow." She-'It must be Sc,
! how motionless it is" He-"That's tn,
hired man at work, "-Ydnkee Blade.
A floating newspaper paragraph say
that Halifax lady, aged 80, has just be
gun taking piano lessons. Even the OLE
and feeble can get square with thei
neighbors when they go about it right
Doctor Ito fair patient)-"Can you en-
dure pain bravely, Miss ?" Fair Patien
Can ? Well, I've worn tight shoe
| for tan vaarc and haven't dro wn q f,l