The Brookhaven leader., 1889-10-03
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
What the Society Has Accomplished Sine,
Its Foundation In 1917.

what the Society Has Accomplished since
Its Foundation In 1917.
When the meeting had been called
TO order and several OF the windows
lowered from tho top to let out the
odor OF burning wooden, caused by
Elder Toots getting his back too near
the hot stove, Brother Gardner arose
and said:
I'VE hev begun dc twelfth var OBJ do
existence Of dis club, an it ar an APP
propriate time for tiggerin' up what
we hev accomplished as an organiza-
ton. | hcv made lcctlc collaboration,
which | will purcced to read:
1--WE have improved the moral
status OF dc Guild race in America SO
per cent.
I'VE hev reformed upwards of (esti-
matcd) 5000 pussons, who war ad-
dicted to de use OF intoxicatin' drinks.
1--WE hev converted upwards OF (es-
timated) 100000 pussons to de sci
ence of hygienne an sanitary regula-
shuns.
Twelve vars ago 100000 dogs
owned by Guild pussons war allowed
to sleep under the bed. To-day the
number is estimated at less than 100.
"When dis club was first organized
de loss of chickens in de United States
by midnight evaporashun was calker-
lated at 10000 per night fur cherry
night in dc var. At dis date it will
not average fifty.
Twelve Vars ago no Guild pussoa
in diss hull kentry felt any moral OBJ
ligashun when IN dc presence of a wa
ter mellyon. At de present time de
said mellyon has got to be de biggest
an de ripest sort, an to hold out
actual Encouragement to be tooken in,
befo' a Guild man kin be tempted
I'm seventeen different States dis
club has taken precedence of the reg
ular legislachures, an its purceed-
ings ar read an honorcd wild fur mo
interest.
''In many localities de Limekiln
Club is considered de superior of Con-
gress, an our reports on agriculture,
fshin', possum-huntin' an astronomy
ar accepted as standard by large ma
jority.
1--WE hev indicted the specrit OF
economy an thrift into (estimateD
100000 bosoms, adding to de capital
of de kentry at least $75, 900, 900 per
var.
Twelve Vars ago de best educated
Guild man in dis kentry couldn't tell
a siX-shillin' chrome from a $4,000
paintin'. AT the present date de same
kin be told six miles Off
"Eben up'to seben vars ago no GUILD
pusson in dis kentry had any idea OF
gravitashun, astronomy or medical
science. To-day 5000. 900 of our race
know why grindstun falls to de
ground when you point it up in the air.
Amos ebry man. woman an child
keeps track OBJ de moons phases an
knows de suns distance from de airth.
De cause an effect of chillblains is
now common knowledge an dc Guild
man who gifts a whack in de eye knows
all about de virch 9ws Of fresh beef as
Il remedy.
ITO sum up, we hcv made q record
of which cherry member of de club may
justly feel proud, an we hev honestly
ARMED de right to inscribo on our BAN
ner: Sic Sempcr Trcm0r."
Rev. Penstock, who has been very
quiet for few weeks past, now arose
to inquire:
docs de char fully comprehend de
meanin' of de Latin term just used?"
de char does!" was the emphatic
response.
Exactly, but I-I-what did de
char mean to infer?"
"Brudder Penstocl1," replied the
president, with a whole cold storage
company in his tones. ''dis char hasn't
passed frew college an bin loaded
down wild certificates an diplomas,
but nevertheless he reckons on know
in what he is talkin about. De mean.
in of dat Latin Isl We Hev Got To
De Top"
But I-I.-m
"Brudder Penstock, sot down, You
is disturbin' de moetin' an layin' your
self liable to fine of half a millyon
dOllars!'
Penstock fell backwards in a heap.
and the president then announced the
local officers and committees. Detroit
Free Press.