Dodge City times., 1889-07-18
RITH AND FONT.
Over the garden wall-Moss.

the man who monkeys with 1t.
DID you ever hear of an incorrigible
chin? Why, certainly. an urchin.
WHEN is q poor client in danger of
being devoured? When he's feed.
THE man who made himself q new
tile out of fur is fur-tile in resources.
TEAcHER-Now, Tommy, what is the
plural of child? Tommy (promptly)-
Twins.
ALIMoNY may be balm, but there is
no disinfectant for some styles of di-
vorce.
SOME girls are like loaf sugar. They
have no special taste, but they are very
sweet.
WHO is that little monster? That's
my daughter, madam. "Ah! ali! the
sweet creature"
ORDINARILY the ministers create the
Benedicts, but at the White House the
Ben-edicts create the Ministers.
The militia of different States, while
they may be efficient in some respects,
are generally set down as n. G.
ACTORS are often failures. but when q
pugilist appears before the public in an
exhibition he always makes q hit.
DowN at Washington they are not
bothering with the puzzle to get "the
pigs in clover" but to get them out.
As LONG as a man can assign the
property of his creditors over to his
wife marriage is not wholly failure.
WHEN subscriber goes into coun-
try newspaper office to renew his sub
scription, the editor puts on a sanctum-
money-us look.
FIRST GENTLEMAN made an in
fernal idiot of myself yesterday. Sec
ond Gentleman-Too bad! What did
you do? First Gentleman-I loaned
my umbrella to you.
EVERY bicyclist should use his per-
sonal influence to secure good roads, but
his duty does not require him to get of
his wheel over the handles and smooth
the highway down with the back of his
neck.
HUSBAND What is the reason,
madam, 1 cannot find any socks in my
drawer? Wife without raising her
eyes from her book Pooh! That's
easy enough. Because there are none
there.
SAUGBoNEs-Yous seem to be fairly
fascinated with that skeleton in the cor.
ner. What makes you look at it so in
tensely? Patient startled 20, moth
ing-I was wondering if it was one OF
your patients.
LADY-These berries look very large
and ripe. Little Boy (who is selling
berries for the first time)-Yes, mum,
the green ones are are all underneath.
That's the way the bosses fix 'em up
every morning.
Mr.. B.-My dear Mrs. Cresus, may
put your name down for tickets to
Prof. Pundits course of lectures on
Buddhism? Mrs. CO, by all means
You know how passionately fond 1 am OF
flowers. Weekly.
REAssURED. Miss Middleton
do you start so, George? George-Did
1 understand you to say that your fa-
theri is failing? Miss Middieton-Phys.
ically, l mean. George-( settling
back oh! 1 was afraid it was some.
thing serious.
PoLICEMAN-Why did YOU knock
that gentleman down and jump on him
Janitor (brownstone flat palace)-Just
as he inquired the price of flats caught
sight of q baby rattle sticking out of his
pocket, that's why. Janitors can't
stand everything.
CUsToMER-A friend of mind has
big diamond which he wants to sell.
tiamonts cost moneys. ]
puy Won last week, und bay dree tou-
sand tollars. Is your frient bank
president, eh? mo; he's hotel clerk.
What will you give?" "Haluf toller.
-Ne,U York Weekly.
'tDo YOU know what is the difference
between you and myself?" This CO.
nundrum was hurled at Pittsburgh |
broker by his better half, who had be en- |
sitting up for him, when he arrived |
home about o'clock in the morning.
Cant say, my DEAR" he replied. |
"What is it?" ''You speculate all day
and I spec you late at night"
TRA-LA.
Unto a little negro,
A-swimming in the Nile,
Appeared, quite unexpectedly,
hungry crocodile,
Who, with the chill politeness
That makes the warm blood freeze,
Remarked: -ill take some dark meat,
Without dressing, if you pease!'