Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-05-18
Written for THE EVENING STAR.
ETIQUETTE AND MANNERS.
What to Do and What Not to Do in
Society.

What to Do and What Not to Do in
Society.
| SOME SENSIBLE ADVICE 70 CORRESPONDENTS WHO
WISH TO IMPROVE THEIR MASNERs-soME Puz-
zLrNG QUESTIONS ANswERED-usE OF KNIFE
AND FoRk-wHAr NOT TO DO AT THE TABLE.
The following questions have been selected
for answer this week:
viii you tell me through the columns of Etiquette
and tbs s9nn sd out or does her
she answers the bell herself should she stand side
step ahead and lead tie way herse OF
lady under such circumstances would ma
turaly lead the way to the parlor, although
when at the parlor door she might give way for
her guest to precede her. Which should be
done would depend upon whom the guest is.
II a gentleman, precedence should not be ex-
tended to him; IL an elderly lady it should.
az. II we properly address firm composed of men as
women AZ we sot ADDRESS ds mTm FOL OF
RFesrri,n,s the French word Mesaanes to English
Firms composed of ladies is SO new a thing
that no well-established usage in the matter
| OF addressing them has obtained. 1t is always
better to use English words than foreign words,
| ana hence ladies Is preferable to ines
| DANES"
| invitation to reception or party. &c.
The usual form is as follows: ''Mr. John
Beach accepts with pleasure the invitation of
Mrs. John Smith for reception May 90"
| A COUSINS PRIVILEGE.
l. am young lady sixteen years old: some ople
| say am pretty. There is q young man who has the
| same name myself, and thinks perhaps he might
be cousin. and have q cousins PRIVILEGES How long
@ i be for me to insist on being coaxed be-
| ought to be indignant?
1. What do you mean by cousins privil-
| To ro,,I
This is a privilege that young woman should
| be cautious about giving to any one. good
rule for her to adopt is never to let any one kiss
| her that exhibits particular desire to do so.
z. What would you expect of young man
whom you dared to kiss you? What sort of a
young man would it be who under such circum-
| stances didn't "up and kiss you?" AS to your
indignation, we rather suspect that you would
not be indignant at the youth that accepted
your challenge, but at the one that exhibited so
much Indifference as not to do so.
recently called on a friend at his rooms On being
shown IN found that my friend had stepped out mo.
known to me by name, but to whom had never been
% @ In such situation it not the most
Certainly. Persons meeting at friends
house do not require an introduction.
Should letters Of Introduction be sealed. and how
A letter of introduction should not be sealed.
IL In any way connected with business present it
| In person, but If solely a social introduction
send 1t by post enclosed with your card and
| address.
KNIFE AND FORK.
In sending my plate at table for a second portion
should leave my knife and fork upon itg
There is difference of opinion on this point.
Many persons stoutly uphold the practice of
| leaving the knife and fork on the plate and
probably the greater number of people do so.
But the knife and fork on the plate are embar-
RAISING to the carver OF whoever serves the dish
desired, and awkward for the servant 1t may
| be inconvenient for one to retain his knife and
fork, but in doing SO he incommodes himself
rather than other people, and this is an elemen-
| tary principle of politeness.
If accompany young lady to party and one of
and leaves his lady in my charge and When tse
are requested to sea the ladies' to the dim
partner and also tine lady left in my care, and we
me without e9cng Herself n and y t Se
table with another gentleman, how should regard
toward her in the futures
The lady's conduct in such a case would GER
tainly be very unceremonious, not to say grossly
| impolite. Your conduct toward such person
should be not less polite than it always had
been, but your revenge would be not to offer
yourself as her escort another time.
| MANNERS AT TABLE.
The habits of people at table who consider them.
selves respectable seem to often very bad. They
handle the fork and the spoon awkwardly; they make
|
! their backs to persons next to them they commit
many other ofenses against good taste Is there no
| in eating and drinking.
Many efforts have been made to extend the
| knowledge of table manners, but without much
| effect The fork is now used where the knife
was formerly, and this is about all. Here are a
| few rules that everybody is supposed to know,
/ but which, simple as they are, are often disre-
garded. Spread the napkin over the knee and
not over the chest. Take soup from the side of
the spoon; DO not tip the soup plate; eat soup
without making gurglng noises.
Hold the fork when in the left hand with
handle in the hollow of the hand when in the
| right hand, using it with prongs upward, hold
it between the forefinger and thumb. Take up
on the fork only 80 much as it can easily carry
and do not lead it with the knife.
In drinking wipe the lips before doing 80. so
| as not to soil the glass, Chaucer told US FIVE
hundred years ago, in his Canterbury Tales, of
the young lady who never dropped portions of
food and always wiped her mouth on her nap
| kin before drinking. This young lady's man
| ners are good example even to-day
Avoid bending over your plate or dropping
your head too low, or thrusting your elbows
| out or sitting with your back turned to your
neighbor.
Take care not to eat too heartily or to take
too large mouthfuls. An elegant manner at
| table is impossible unless one eats slowly and
| quietly, with small mouthfuls. In short, ele-
giant manners at table consist mainly in doing
| nothing that attracts attention.
SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION.
What suitable subjects for conversation at din.
ner table, or at a social gathering?
1t is the rule in all circles to avoid those sub
jects in conversation that are likely to wound
ones feelings or trench upon his convictions.
For this reasons politics and religion are for
hidden. And yet these themes more deeply
concern US than any others. Literature, art
| science, invention, all afford themes for
conversation; SO does travel, exploration,
great achievements in any direction. We
| have the doings of the world before us, and
| these ought to give us ample materials and yet
| with this large field to choose from how COM
| monty do we find conversation drifting into
| social gossip into the trivial incidents Of our
| own set? Literature, if il is not confined to
the last sensational novel, is an excellent theme
for the table the parlor circle; so is art il it
| chances that anybody present Knows anything
about it. The difficulty after all is not the
theme, but the skill Of presenting themes in an
easy and attractive manner, of having some
| thing to say and a small measure Of gumption
| in saying it.
gentleman Of my acquaintance is accustomed to
speak OF women as females Is this in good taste?
1t Is not merely in bad taste; it is vulgar
| and q low taste. The COW, the mare, the SOW,
each II female, and assuredly we should have
| some other word for our women. A woman
who hears the word female applied to her sex
Is justified always in resenting it.
The AUTHOR OF "DoN'T."
SOnnets.