davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
Chicago SID. ;,

Scene in front of a coal Office: Sh
-DOst thou remember, oh, my Billy
crates, when the leaves that now form
this mass Of coal were vibrating to the
wind in the far-Off days of our early
love?
B1Iycrates- Yes; let me seel It was
over ten thousand years ago, when the
mastOdOns in the Smithsonian Museum
were alive and kicking.
She-Yes, the very year your illus
triOus father received the deputatiOn
from the lost Atlantis that Ignatius
DOnnelly writes about.
Billycrates-O give us q rest on that
crank or we'll have another food, sure.
Shelby the tusks of the holy mas
tOdOn, thou dOst affront me, Billy
crates!
Billycrates- love; thou wrong
est mel Pardon theimpetuous remark; ;
but when you ring Ig. DOnnelly in as
a YeraciOus historian it's tempting the
gods to duck the world under water
again, and we are not amphibious, my
love.
She-Let it pass. Those were the
romantic days when Susan B. Anthony
took you on her knee and told you
fairy tales Of grampuses and mug
wumps.
Billycrates- What, she alive yeti
Let US go and interview her on the
early Pharaohs and find out if they
built the pyramids for tOmbs or grain
elevators.
She-Oh, do let US go, and We'll sell
the interview to the newspapers and
you will buy me a seal skin jacket
trimmed with the feathers of the dOdO
and other extinct birds
BiIIycrates- when I get them +;
she may tell US something about the
way Noah built and navigated the ark
The Secretary of the Navy will pay
well for a few pointers on the way to
get up a vessel into which all creation
could get in out of the wet and float
around for forty days.
She-The Chicago newspapers viii
pay we'll for this information.
Billycrates-Bet you a new bonnet
they won't touch it. They deal in live
news. Boston and New York daiIies
trade in the antique, but Chicago liter
airy slaughterhouses butcher the news
fresh every day, and the people amt
got time to chew historical chestnuts
for dessert.
She-No, they want nothing old but
old Bourbon. and if you want to make a
ten-strike and get all Chicago and
Kentucky at our feet, go and find a
cask of the wine Noah got drunk on.
Billycrates Sublime idea! With
such a cask, like Monte Cristo, we
could exclaim: "The world is oursl"
She-Lead on; I follow
Commercial ITaUeleT.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

m0mentd they had left Payiesus alone.
and i would have shown them what
Erypbena Higgins can do when she is
the honored guest. George was so
speL-bOUnd over the lady that he
stayed at the door until the entertain
ment was out, for he was bound to see
her safe home; so when she came ont
ne followed her, and he stepped on her
trail to get 8 chance to apologize and
so get acquainted. Well, he went
home with her, and he didn't get back
TIL broad daylight, and he Slept all
the next day. He says she talks some
of boarding with us. and so don't for
get to look out for that butter and
flour.
am so happy over Georges pros
poets that I can almost forgive the
men for putting PhyIetus ont, and
especially those who received bloody
noses and black eyes. I tell you,
Sophia Jane and I could quench a one
horse riot.
Now, don't let homely Kate see this,
or she viii be making fuss again; but
write soon to your triumphant sister,
IRYPHENA HIGGINS.
Chicago Ledger.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
a Fine Taste hi Ten.

Mr.. Guy Maine, the Chinese lecturer,
related the following instance in re-
gard to Chinese tea drinking. He
said that when he was a boy about II
years old he lived with his father, who
was a little near-sighted, in cottage
in the southern part of China. One
day he was cleaning out his fathers
tea kettle and could not get all the
tea leaves out, so he put his hand in
the kettle. About half hour after
ward his father called for his tea,
which Guy took to him and returned
to work. Shortly the old gentleman
called him again and asked him if he
did not tell him never to put his hand
in the tea kettle.
"WelI, said Guy, 81 did not know
whether my father was peeking through
the keyhOle watching me or not. So I
let three weeks pass when 1 knew my
father was out on business, and again
put my hand in the tea kettle. That
evening was called to answer the
question which was asked me several
weeks before, But you may rest as
sured from that time to this I have
never put my hand in any tea kettle. "
-NelU York EUelbi9lQ SlL7L
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
IF SHE WE'RE Al Nan.
Oh, would / were q man,
Bow happy would be
I'd be the envy OF TIA men
The girls would worship me.

tLLSCtLl0 -)loEitLtCft.
TIE inebriate has his ups and downs
-hiccups and fall-dOwns.
THE best way to preserve apples is
to keep them from exposure to the heir.
"WAs the play bad ?" well, guess it
was. Why even the gas went out at
the close Of the second act.
"HELLo! another bank cashier gone
off" WAS he loaded ?" "If he was
he made no report pc Chicago Ledger
A MAN can marry comfortably on $500
a year if he has saved his last years
salary, but he viii require the next
years in advance.
MAN is awfuIIy clever in some things,
but nobody has ever discovered one
that could jam a hat pin clean through
his head and make it come out at the
other side as the women do.
WELLER suppose, Nigsby, if you
were worth q million dollars you would
absolutely do nothing. Nigsby (yawn-
ing)-Yes, by thunder; and I'd even
hire a man to do that for me.
"AND now, little Girls, said a Sunday
school teacher, "you may tell me about
the Epistles." A little girl held up
her hand. "The Epistles," said the
little girl-"the Epistles are the wives
Of the Apostles.
FIRST Boston girl (referring to a
gayly attired miss who had Just passed.
Did you ever see such taste? She
must be color blind Second Boston
-ExecrabIe! Her dress is as mar
tistic as a rainbow.
81 UNDERSTAND you've made a rich
find on your farm, Brown ?" Eyes,
/, 4. 6
uraI blue clay in America" "GOing
to start brickyard?" "BIess you, mol
I'm going into the French candy bust
ness. Chicago Ledger
"YoU women don't know when you
are we'll off, sneered old Brown.
Here you are complaining just because
you have to do the homework. Why,
in ancient times wives used to be
slaves" eyes. my dear" returned his
better half, but that was before the in
ventiOn of broOms."
HE-You have considered, darling,
the seriousness of the step you have con
sented to take? Married life, you know,
is not all roses. Do you think you can
bear to suffer as we'll as to rejoice? She
Indeed I can, Charles! Haven't I
worn shoes two sizes too small ever
since I was IA years old?
ANGELINA-LOok, Edwin Mr. and Mrs
Dedleigh Boreham. I'm quite ashamed
to meet them! They're always asking
US to dinner, and we've never even
asked them inside our housed We
really must make some return I" Edwin
Some return? Why, cOnfound It'll!
once we actually did dine with them
What more can they expect?
$50 YOU want a sinecure in Journal
ISM" said the owner Of a big daily
newspaper to his son. ga place with
a good salary and nothing to 10. 4"
chats about it, sir, the young man
respectfully replied. well" said the
father, thOughtfuIly, there's only one
such job that I know of on the paper.
I'll discharge the religious editor to,
morrow, and you may have his job"
WAS LOOKING FOR TAsCOTT.
GUEsT-What does that fool mean
by cropping around in that manner?
Hotel clerk-He is looking for his hat.
Guest Why, there it is right before
him. but he don't seem to see it. Hotel
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
The Lady Rememhered.

In town not far from Detroit the
ladies have organized a Literary
Club" There are eight members in
the society, and by way Of diversity
they give a "high tea" to eight favored
gentlemen once a fortnight.
The other night Robert Elsmere"
was brought up for discussion. No one
had read the book, but each individual
had seen fragmentary reviews and all
felt armed for the discussion.
"Let me see," ventured Miss Wise.
"WhO is the author Of Robert Els.
mere? Inever can think"
"Nor L ="
''I have forgotten"
$50 have T."
II never can remember a new authors
name two minutes"
"Nor l.
"Here comes Mrs. AImons; she viii
know
Mrs. A1mons was the President-one
of those self-suficient people who know
how to pOise the head and look wise
eyes, Mrs. Almons is a walking cy-
clOpedia, offered young Mr.. Billings.
"Pray, tell us, Madame President, do,
who wrote Robert Elsmere q"
"Why, Margaret Deland. Of course,
said the walking cyclOpedia, with
prompt decision.
go, yes"
90, yes.
90, yes
"Of course" echoes a fourth voice.
"There have been three of these reIig-
ious novels within a year, John Ward.
Preacher, written by"
Mrs. Humphrey Ward 4"
They say she named John after her
father, prompted Mn. Billings.
90. how romantic.
$50 English. "
Decidedly" continued Miss Wise:
4and Love and Theology Who wrote
that, Mrs. Almons? I never can re-
member"
Mrs. Cardinal Woolaey," answered
the President.
Then all famed themselves and took
a sip of tea, while Mr.. Billings assured
Miss Wise that he never knew q woman
equal TO Mrs. AlmOns to remember
names Detroit Free Press
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

and she grew happy Ia consequence.
Her laugh grew merry and her step
light.
But Moses proved a sorry rascal. He
would tip over Aunt Peggv's work
1 basket and wind all the thread around
I The chairs and tables. He had a trick
I of opening the clock, taking of the
! pendulum and rolling it under the
| stove or some remote corner. There
was not a closet door in the house but
| he could open, and many choice nor
/ sci did he deTOur in the night.
Yet the worse Moses grew, the mora
Alice loved him.
at is his bringing up, auntie, she
would say; I'll cure him of all his evil
ways in time"
So, though Aunt Peggy fumed and
Aunt Tabby fretted, neither had the
heart to take him away from the child.
He learned them lesson, too, for they
began to understand that Alice had
been lonelier than they knew, so they
grew slowly into the habit of kissing
her goodnight. They We're very timid
about it at first, but 1t soon grew easier,
Alice was such a loving little creature,
and so readily responded to all their
caresses.
So time went on till at length
Thanksgiving Day came. The two stiff
old ladies tried to make it pleasant for
Alice, and actually allowed her to have
Moses at the dinner-table with her. He
sat beside his little mistress in a high
chair, as grave as a Judge
At nine o'clock that evening they
all retired, Alice with her beloved cat
in her arms Nobody Thought of the
kitchen fire or the towels that were
airing near it. But just as the clock
struck twelve Aunt Peggy was aroused
by a loud meow meow! and the
kitchen door which she had left closed
flew open.
She arose, saying to herself wrath
fully: Cpl put that cat outdoors an
other night! See if I don't, in spite of
Alicei won't be walked up like this I"
By this time she had reached the
sitting-rOOm. Here she stopped, and
her heart almost stopped, too, for the
kitchen beyond was IN q glare of light.
She rushed through the smoke to
Ahce's room, which joined the kitchen,
shrieking for Tom and Tabby as she
went. Alice lay mOtiOnless mid the
thick smoke. Aunt Peggy lifted her
from the bed and carried her back to
the sitting-roOm, while Tom set to
work to put out the fire.
There were blue rings about AIice's
mouth and nostrils, for the smoke had
nearly done its cruel work. After a
while she revived, and by this time
the fire was out. The fire had got so
under way that had it been found out
a few minutes later the house would
have been burned
After this Moses was a hero, you
may be sure, and had every attention
shown him And when Alice was
grown to womanhood, and had little
children of her own, long after the
two old aunts were sleeping their last
sleep in the old churchyard, Moses, a
blind old cat, died in Alice's lap.
Loving little hands buried him and
loving little hearts mourned for him.
"FOr you know" sobbed Neddie,
"NIoses saved mammals life when she
was a little girl So we Just wouldn't
have had any mamma at all if it
hadn't been for Moses. Dora A717liS
Chase.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

Subject to polI-evn- men.
Off the T-raiI-A ditched MOdOc.
Fancy stocks-A dudes neckties.
A dwarf pear-A couple under size.
Amateur frescoes -BuniOns in plas-
ter.
MYSTERIOUS sounds - The fog-horn
signals.
A romance of the middle ages-An
old maids love affair.
The pilgrim takes a painful interest
in his buniOn's. progress.
Lost in the outskirts - A woman,
when she can't find her pocket
Shades of the departed left
hanging when the last tenant moved
out
When a fellow has the rheumatic, he
knows what It's himself, without rheu-
minating over it.
Can lost writing be restored?" Not
after it has found its way into the waste
basket Of the editOr--DetrOit Free
Press.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

father in the White House. Mrs. Nc
Kee is IN her 28th year, and has lived
with her husband under the parental
roof ever since her marriage. She has
two children, a son and daughter, aged,
respectively, 2 years and months. She
Is a vivacious, interesting woman,
finely educated, and a fine musician.
Her husband, Mr.. J. R. Mckee, is a
wholesale boot and shoe dealer in
INDIANAPOLIS.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

A LITTLE girl IN De KaIb County,
GA, rejoices IN the name of Susan
Julia Melinda Maria Savannah Sophia
Elizabeth Lady-Bug Towers.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

TIE Rev DR.. Hawks received a call,
but declined, as the salary was too
small. The Chairman wrote back:
we VIII do we'll by you. The Scrip
lures say, Even the ravens are cared
for. Yes, replied the minister,
"but the Scriptures say nothing about
caring for Hawks
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
Bankruptcies,

In France and Germany a bankrupt
is liable to be punished by imprisOn-
ment if it is found that his personal
expenses have been excessive. If he has
lost large sums of money by gambling
or stock exchange operations, If he has
put accommodation notes IN circulation
to stave off failure, or if he has failed
to keep correct and proper books. 1t
is needless to say that rigorous methods
Of this kind have not been adopted In
the United States, where they would
go far toward adding to the number Of
those in our various penal institutions;
and thus far even in England they have
not been looked upon as necessary.
But the tendency Of the times is so
clearly toward an understandable use
of the credit system that it would not
be surprising if some check of this
kind were applied in England, and,
should It succeed there, be adopted
after a while In this country. -Ea,-
change.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
Mrs. M'Kee, Daughter Of President
Elect Harrison

We present herewith an excellent
picture of Mrs. Mary Mckee, the only
married daughter Of General Ben Har-
risOn. As the picture shows, she is a
woman of more than ordinary beauty,
and viii unquestionabIy become a
great favorite in Washington society,
where she viii go to reside with her
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

Perhaps our rashness we depIore;
Indulge in wishing, may be,
We had remained a bachelor
While singing sleep, my baby.
We wonder why we took a wife.
While wrath within Us nursed Is,
And think OF all the ills Of life
A squeLling babe the worst is.
But when grim death is lowering nigh
Gar distant may that day be :!
@Take oil we own o Lord, we cry
But spare 70 US the baby"
- TfgqF0yt Courier
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

VERMONT factories turn out 6O0.OO0
snOw-shOvels per year. and New Hamp-
sh re aud Maine send the figures up to
00lo.0.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
OUR YOUNG FOLKS.
The Little Ones.

The little ones are pests, we sigh,
And lots Of trouble make as;
Ere golden morning opeB her eye
They from our slunnbers wake Us.
Nay, oft ere half the night is Ger,
They start us from our dreaming
And we must rise and walk the door,
Until they cease their screaming.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

clerk-We always let him alone. It
sometimes takes him an hour to find
his hat. Guest-Who is he anyhow (?
Hotel clerk-Him? Why, don't you
know him. He's a Chicago detective
In search of Tascott. ArcOLd Record.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

4 NAN in Nation, New, tipped
couple of barrels Of whisky into
natural spring which flowed on his
premises and invited all the ranchmen
for miles around to come and see it.
The next day he sold the spring for
5000 In gold-dust and fed the
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15
THE BIGWIG PAPERS.
Eryphsna Attends an EnterIaIa1nont. and
Is the Center OF Attraction
BY S. F. FIEsTER.
BIaWIa. D.. = 1e88.

i o uE ep1SGI6 IS
received 7 told
you to give me a
little consOIing
balm IN your next,
but I fail to see any
IN your letter. You
say if I wouldn't
try to put on style
and practice de-
ceptiOn I would
get along better.
and not make such
a fool of myself.
have q 6icHODaT.v
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

A NORWEGIAN savant estimates the
age Of the world at 1000, 900 years.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-02-15

I expect / should have added q line
q two on the inspiration gf
Luxemburger gazette. [volume] (Dubuque, Iowa) 1871-1918, 1889-10-22
iu9e Dir Cine aus ben GD9tern Der braps

iu9e Dir Cine aus ben Go1tern Der bran.
fen Samilien - uub brinse fe beim i'd
MIL fe fesnsn. I'm Der settle elmer treu'
en-, lisbsnbsn @attin wirS Dir bas title
Stiib9sn gum 5eiIistbume werben; 81
wtri ni4t msbr auspirts Seine 6reubt
iudsn. Beideibsn unb thug ioa Define
Satin i'm 5auie i1 bsussen. Sd, aIs
Muttsr, MIL ibrsm sutsn @iusn bic @r'
fubruns beibrinseu. Bruber 9arrp abe,
MID Dir nit GreaSen oils Rne4t bienen.
Sarnap erbob ii9 pom 9assr. Ssius
Watti9teit uar pIOeIi5 peri9uunben. Oas
unsrpartsts Gnsr5istsn Der Wuttsr bate
ibn aIio eri5ittert, baB er ipra9IOs gu IT,
rem Siben iant, unb ihre Rniss umfaBte.
%, i'd bab' gu9 geiosn pebe setban
risf er eubIid, unb Der aufridtiaite S3mer;
prsBte i'm, Gbtduen aus. - Q6sr 9ewiB
i'd MID meinen JebIer pieber gut MAIDEN
G5, uer5si5' mir nur, Wutter, psr5sib
mir!
Wit 5reuesn, msin Barnap, iaste biz
Rutter, unb bob i'm an ibre Sruit, psnu
Du mir nnr re9t emit uno fsierli4 uer:
ipribf, bag On nit Oeiner 9attin i'm
@e5sts 5u Soft in grfiquns Dsinsr 8Ili9.
ten fill uno bdusli9 balm lsbsn ptait,
mics Did Setn Batter selsbrt unb Du ss
bon Deiner Wuttsr seisben bcit.
ga,nap usriprad ss uuf's Rsue. - Do
trat 2arrp beretn, Der brauBen nit Sreuber
.ussbor9t bate, unb fisl ieiusu 8rubsr In
bic offsnsn 4rms.
Nur eiuise Wodsn parsn poribersssan:
zen - unb Barnap fibrte elm bsi9eibsnes
~fttiames Ndo9en gum lrauaItare. Sc
mar SueItne, bic stnStge Eo9ter elmer ar:
men, aber ircmmen Wittpe aus einem ber
benn56artsu Gbdler. sic wu,be pom ibrs,
Wfuttsr BON Der Biese auf 81 allem 9utsu
angebalten, unb sins an por,igIi1sn 81:
gsnidaftsn allen anSsrn Wdb9en Dor.
Die aIte Woorep iesHete guelinsn, uni
iaSte 81 ibr, oils fe in bic Wirtbi9aft elm:
trat: Soft gebs, baR Dsin filler, rubise,
Stnn IS usrm6se, meiuen Sobu iunerbalt
Der iiBen gren3en Der Siusli6tsit feit3u'
balten. @as Suibri fetu iouf, reins God:
ter brau4' i'd Dir ni6t erif gu iassu. Oeiu
tartes @emitb unb bic 2isbe unb A1tune
bic On sesen i'm besff, sebsn mir bic Ser:
fi4sruns, er peroe an Dir cine 9attiu ia:
ben, ME lie ism raein Meuitsrbsr, auf bag
5artIi6ite seuini4t.
go ipra9 lie seribtt. llnb aIs garnar
berbeifom, isste fc nod binsu, inbsm II
ibre arue a5er bsibs ausbrsitete: Got
Der aumddtise aebs Sud feline Triebsn,
nnb iesne gaer 6aususisn.
Luxemburger gazette. [volume] (Dubuque, Iowa) 1871-1918, 1889-10-22
Drittes Rapitet.
Der ntiittcrIi1e GutiMtaS,

Die Belt bate ben S6mers iber ben
Serlult pes @atter uub Siters semiloert.
WobI warsn bic raubeftsn Gage bss &tn:
tiers, wdsrenb oerer man, in baS Sunsrs
ber 9itte eiuseidIONsu, am UaImeu "a:
mine iid aufbaltsn muBte, unter tr~aurtssn
@eiprd9eu nur Iansiam psrItwunben.
aber bic neu iduiisnbe S~ribltnsSlonUe uub
Der Anblit Der blibsnbsn Wislen unb Eel.
Der trotnetsn bic Sbranen oer Samilie.
Wuttsr Woouep bsweste Ii5 in ibrer
sissnen, unb IN bss psritorbsren Wannes
@isenftaft einli3tsucu iul uobl3eorenstsn
SauSpsisn bsrum. 3ar,p, Der Qisblins
Der Wuttsr, war ibr INNER anI naditsn.
81 bebaute, ME uorbin, DaS 6slo uno bic
Bieien. unb usriab bic quite nit ben notb'
wenbisitsn @srdtbidaftsn. Oas tSorns
uisb sebieb unter ieiner pfless, un6 Der;
mebrte ii6 baIb ~ elmer tleinen Sssrbe,
bic an it6nsn Eassu Ianss bss lfetS Dir
isIbf ibr Suttsr f3 boIte. Den Sse bate
er gan, Der 9fese ietnss dItern Srubsrs
~iberseben. Oenn ct foaute felt benz
Abenoe Der Erausrbotl6aft ben unbsimli:
den S9aubsr nibt ertragsn, Der i'm ii6ers
fel, psnn sr sin 8afsrbu9n aus ssm llfers
i9tlf auftau5en iab.
Sarndp absr beiOr8te init ieinsr alien
Sruft uno 8ssisrce ben Ti5tenpalb anb
bic 8iloia9b, uno ibsrnosm ssrne fir ii9
alsin nod ben ersiebisen Sii4fans.
go nal elm Sabr unter ireusr 8srribs
tans Der sesenieitts aussetbsiltsn Behold
~tisunsen poribsrsssanseu. Wsun II
aud Der idbrIi9s grtras feblte, ben Der
Batter i'm 9srblte nab 6aufe bra9ts, 10
eruarb fd bic 6amiIie benno9 10 uiel, baB
fs ni4t barben ourfts. 81, is tonats ios
gar cine tleine Summe. bic fe aus benz