Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1889-08-01

oil their war whoops.
'Teu me, is your wife euriOuss' "She ?
really think she came into the world only
out of pure curiosity"
Every man ought to have wife. liza
man is happily married, that one RIB Is
worth all the other bones in bis body.
Miss Flyte, do you think Miss Giggle Is
laughing at me?7 Il can't say, Mr.. Soft
leigh. She often laughs at almost nothing -
Dasher-'I hope you don't object to my
smoking" Rev. Mr.. Mylde-"N--not in
the least, if-you don't object to my being
sick"
There is nothing that viii help a Kausan
through q Observation-Disclosures day
as comfortably as the reflection that it is
good corn weather
Snooper-"You call that picked choir,
do you?" Chorister-"Yes; why do you
ask" "Snooper-"It strikes me that 1t
was picked too soon
Senator Hiscock took a shy at Bishop
Potter in his Woodstock speech What a
lot Of hit politicians are auttering since the
Bishop preached that sermon.
"Our dear sister" said the Nebraska pas
tor, "has gone to a better land-that is, if
there be any better land than can be found
right here in the Missouri bottoms"
Amateur Hubert-"Me lud, FIVE moons
were seen to-nigbt-four fixed and the other
did whirl." Mualed voice from the audi
ence-"Did jeyer-hic-try bromide?
Flossie-Mamma can give one Of my
dolls 20 Cicely Waties Mother-Cer,ainiy
not, Flossie. Why DO YOU want toy Flossie
II find that twins are too great a charge.
Mrs. Figg-Johu, there's a long red hair
on your shoulder. And your sleeve is rip
ped, too Mr.. Figg-Yes, Iput the hair on
there myself so you'd notice the ripped
place.
Mrs. Kawler-Does your husband ever
ooudescend to hold the baby Mrs. stay at
home-Ob, yes, Every Wednesday and
Saturday evening, while run the lawn
mower
The latest medical prOnuuciamento Is
that smoking after meals is Injurious
Since it is already established that smoking
before meals is injurious. the only refuge is
to stop eating.
a clone fisherman was encountered on
the bank Of the Oconee one day last week
and asked, Chow is il with you?' He re-
piled, using pointed, popular phrase. All
quiet along the line
After Bobby's father had repeated tie
usual prayer the other day Bobby asked: 81
say, pa, what makes you pray for daily bread
all the time?" "Eh?" "Aiu't it about tin e
to pray for some early vegetables 3"
A dry goods house advertising seal sac
ques the other day, added to its advertise
ment, Circulars free" A lady, after read
ing the advertisement sent a note 20 the
house asking for a circular fur-liued one.
Lady TO little girI)-And what does your
father do? Little girl--Oh, papa is doctor.
Lady-Indeed l suppose he practices
great deal, does he not2 Little girl-Oh no
He doesn't practice any more he knows
how
On Sunday morning Miss Travis An,
Johnny, have caught you with a fish pole
over your shoulder I shall 90 right and
tell your father. Where is he Johnny
Dumpsey-Down at the foot of the garden
diggin' the bait
Mrs. Jason-Did you get very lonely
while was away, DEAR Mr.. Jason-Rath-
er. First two nights didn't sleep at ALL
Then got a couple Of frogs and put them
in the bed, down at the foot After that l
slept pretty well.
MA, said Bobby, lis it wrong for little
boys to tie tin kettles TO dogs tails o. de
cidedly wrong, Bobby; hope you'll never
do such thing as that "No, indeed,
ma, replied Bobby, emphatically, "all I do
is to hold the dog.
Chloe-"Good mawning, Aunt Dinah.-
How's uncle Rastus dis mawniug Aunt
Dinah-"Very bad; fac he got 'lignant
ulster on his back" Dreadful 20
Aunt Dinah-"Ya-as, Is 'fraid Rastus is
going to be '6rmed infdel."
Philadelphia Editor-"I understand YOU
have bought a newspaper i'm the West. Is
tia well-equipped o16ce?' ola Friend from
the Vest" I should smile There are
seventeen Winchesters in the composing
room and TWO Calling guns at the head o..
the stairs
The negro is often a real philosopher
An aged colored man had just paid the last
dollar ne owned on a mule, when the ami
nal suddenly died, leaving It's owner bank
rupt On being sympathized with, be said,
calmly Well, his time come ter go, sab,
an / RAIDER him dan me-
A Dragon, slightly drunk, was vaiuly
trying 10 mount his horse calling loudly on
the saints: st John, help me Saint
Peter, assist me Saint Paul, come to my
aid" by a mighty effort he jumps clear
over his horse, then. turning around Gent.