Connecticut western news., 1889-09-04
FUN.

cIo yOu Ut Iuo party AoSe AA6Ac, "No; my wife went. I staid at home and took care of the baby" "Well, what kind of time did you haver "Rockyp American Commercial Traveller.
 Said the flaxen-haired maiden to the dapper young man behind the counter: "Have you any nice, soft muslin that will suit my complexion and hair2" Clerk-"Bleached or unbleached 2"- CTroy Press.
 It is pity that people do not know who invented the hand-organ. Many modern sufferers would like to erect high monument over that mans grave, so as to be sure to keep him down Bonneville Journal.
 Little Boy Cooking up from the paper)-"Papa, George Francis Train eats nothing but fruit" Papa.-'In- deedl We'll, well, who would have thought itp My son, avoid fruit."- [New York Weekly.
 Henry-sSo you asked old Growler for his daughter last night, did you, Fred2 And how did you come out3" Fred-ssIt was out a window, I be- ieve, Henry. That was the best l could do, though."-[New York Sun.
 A coach dog is so called because he needs so much coaching to make him good for anything useful. AS fight CT, however, the coach dog is game all over. You can kill him, but you can't knock the spots out of him.-[Boston Journal.
 Drug clerks ought to have good sal aries. The man who hurts his con- science 1000 times a day by saying: "We do not keep it; but we have a preparation put up by ourselves that is better," should be we'll paid.-[New Orleans Picayune.
 Mrs. Cobwigger-s'I never like to take my little girl to church; she asks me such queer questions on the way home." Mrs. Brown-ssThat isn't half as bad as my little girl; she asks the questions right out loud in church. ."-[ Harper's Bazaar.
 It is said that Jay Gould was witty young man. But, of course, so sharp financier could not long be as short as the brevity of wit reqnires, or fail to discover that there is not much seri- ous gain to be made out of laughing stocks.-[Baltimore American.
 Lady caller-"I'm very sorry to hear that your husband has failed, Mrs. Takeiteasy. It must be-" Mrs. Takeiteasy (sobbing)-"Yes, it is dreadful, but," brightening visibly, ssmy new bonnet came home just the day before the crash. ."-CP Philadelphia Inquirer.
 Roped in Jack Overstroke (who is unwillingly giving Miss Olecrop swimming lesson)-"Now don't be afraid. Just trust yourself to me, and let me support you" Miss Olecrop -"It's rather an unfair advantage to take in the water; but-you may ask p-p-papa. ."-[ Pluck.
 Mrs. Menage Oaying down morning paper in disgust-"This catering to servants is going too far" MT. M.- "What now?" Mrs. MAI the papers full of advertisements of Cooks excursions. It's ridiculous putting such ideas in their heads at 8 time when they can least be spared. Life.
 A secret worth knowing-"Young man," said the long-haired passenger to the occupant of the seat ahead, 'do you know that Pve never spent dol lar for liquor in my whole lifew "Really?" responded the young man, turning half way round with look of great interest on his face. "How do you work it?"-[Life.
 Two very charming young ladies were chatting in street car recently. "So you've been down to the camp2" asked one. "Yes; and it's perfectly splendid down there." ''Did the sol diers take their arms with them?" "Of course they did. You don't sup pose they would leave them at home, do you?" "I shouldn't like to be there when they were shooting" ''I hate shooting" "Why, silly, they don't shoot" ''Don't they? What do they do with their arms, thenP" "Why, they put 'em around you, of course; and it's ever so nice."