Wichita eagle., 1889-06-20
BURDETTE'S PHILOSOPHY.

| WE CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING WE SEE.
| eyes, madam" said Trampoliue, as be
gratefully took from the outstretched hand
Of the woman a large, moist slab of pie
notified like Mexican onyx, and embossed
with heavy incrustations Of lava, ''yes,
have seen better days but just as l have seer
better clothes; other people had EN-" He
paused for her reply. but she bowed her head
silently, and he, engulfng the pie with a con
vulsive movement of the throttle, lifted hi:
hands to heaven with an agonizing gesture
and passing on, was never again seen no more
THE PATIENCE OF LAzINEss
A man ought to have some regard for the
fitness Of things, even when he quotes G
| proverb. But he hasn't. That's why il
makes a householder so bowling mad wher
paperhanger, who has been ten days paper
ing three sides Of hall bedroom, answers
his reproof by saying that Rome wasn1
built In day." It wasn't built by hired
man, either. The fact that it ever was built
proves that
MEN HAD TO WALK THE PLANK FOR THIS.
Young Foremost, who hadn't been aboard
ship three days before he committed some
act Of INSTRUMENTATION, Cor which the cap
tain gave him an awful dose Of the ropes
end, said the old mans blight was worse thar
his barque.
HARD ON THE NERVES
A dog down in Pennsylvania swallowed the
baby's rattle the other day. It hasn't at.
fected the dog seriously, but it's awful wear
ing on the people Of the house. Every time
the dog moves it sounds as though rattle
snake was after you, and the result is that
about two-thirds Of the time everybody in
the house is either climbing up on a chair or
jumping down from one.
OUT ON FLY.
"George, called to see you this morning
and the maid said you were out" Eyes,
uncle, am sorry that I was" ''But you
were not, for saw you sitting at the window
as came away" 'Yes, that's Just it; the
maid did not specify; she only knew was
out. Sometimes am staying out, some
times walking out and sometimes looking out.
She was stupid not to say which"
DEPRAvITY IN HIGH PLACES.
Queen Marguerite Of Italy plays the violon-
cello. BY the most desperate expedients and
constant vigilance on the part of the royal
family the matter has been kept secret for q
long time, but it has leaked out at last On
account Of the respectability Of the queens
connections we suppress her last name
LoUTRANCE.
II see," said the man with the newspaper,
"that French journalist has been killed in
duel" "At lastf' exclaimed the man read
ing the time card Eyes; died of old age
waiting for the other fellow to come" "Well,
the French are terrible fighters when they
make business of it."
ExPATRIATED.
Particular Boarder-This fish waiter
Truthful Waiter tpromptly)-Was killed this
morning. Particular Boarder (approvingly)
You did right to kin it. Truthful Waiter
Qnquiringly,-Yes, sir. Particular Boarder
nrmly1-Because 1t had been ashore SO long
it had forgot how to swim, and would have
drowned If ever 1t went to sea again
THAT'S ALL THAT SAVES THE POEMS.
The 'elocutionist" has bid bis light under a
bushel as long as he can. He is now deter
mined to let bis light shine, to lift up his
voice and spare not and to magnify his Office
for all it L. worth and toot his horn IL he
doesn't sell a clam. A Chicago elocutionist,
discussing the elements Of O successful recita-
ton, speaks of "other pieces like Mother and
Poet The Raven and like productions of
no great literary merit that produce marvel
Gus effects when well rendered" Often
wondered what kept those mediocre jingles
alive 80 long, when some Of my own finest
efforts, worthy to go ringing down the echo
ing ais,es Of the copy dummy, stranded;on the
shingly beach of the cold and sullen W. B.
It's the ''reading" that has rescued Mrs
Browning and Poe from the insatiate NAV Of
that relentless monster, o. B. Iivion, ST.
Robert ]. Burdette in Brooklyn Eagle.