Sacramento daily record-union., 1889-06-16

| a little humor now and then
is relished by the best of men. to rest EN-.
The successful farmer has to be sharp as
a raiser.
The engraving on a ten-dollar bill is
Y cellent.
"What is the stuff that dreams are made
OFF" passionately inquiries poet. Pies, sir
The maid expects Because the air
Ber beau tonight, Is raw and damp,
And nils the stove But quite forgets
With anthracite, To fill the lamp
Mrs. Smilk-" Are you going to your
friend Mrs Blanks funeral tomorrow ?''
Mrs. Nubbs-" Certainly not. She owed
me CALI
We have sent reporter to inquire how
| Theodore Roosevelt when he was ap-
pointed Civil Service Commissioner
Washington Critic.
"Are you fond of sweet potatoes, Mr..
Bliven ?" asked Mrs. Hashem, at the din
ner table. {" l yam," replied Billy, and he
now pays 81 week more for his board.
Mr.. Grubbs-" Thunderation Hungry
as bear, and no signs of dinner. What's
the matter?" Little Benny" It's the
girls day out, and ma hasn't got back
from cooking school,"
AZ have met this man" said lawyer
| with extreme severity, in a great many
places where l would be ashamed to be
seen myself" and then he paused and
looked with astonishment at the smiling
Court and jury.
Poseyboy-" tell you, Miss Skittish is
the smartest and prettiest girl in this city
There are no flies on her" Ponsonby-
"No, but should think there would be-"
Poseyboy-" Why" Ponsonby-" Because
she is so sweet"
Have you ever stopped to consider
what is the chief end of our existence on
this mundane sphere ?" asked the solemn
old gentleman with the shining garb
Dividend" replied the oil speculator
Ierre Hdute Express.
Hotel clerk-"This guest has been here
over two weeks. Nothing was said about
rates. Shall we charge him by the week
or by the day?" Proprietor" What's in
that package he left in the safe?" Bonds"
''Charge him by the day"
Adorer (nervously)- Isn't that your
fathers step on the stairs ?" Sweet girl
"Yes, but don't mind that; its only a
scare. He won't come down. He always
stamps around that way when l sit up
with young men after IL o'clock"
Prosperous Peanut Vender-"I wantta
coatta of arms" Heraldry Dealer-"Yes.
sir-yes, sir. When did your family come
to this country?" Prosperous Peanut
Vender-" Milo family comma over with
Christopher Columbo." ."-Ne,c York Weekly.
Miss Britely-"D Do you like pork chops
for breakfast, Mr.. Nevergo ~ Mr.. Never
go" Pork chops? o, ah, yes, much in
deed" "Miss Britely-"If II you'll excuse
me moment Pll tell mamma to get some.
! think hear her starting for the mar
ket."
Jinks-"I called at your boarding
house to-day and saw the table nearly set
for dinner, and | must say things looked
very neat. l never saw a whittier table
cloth in my life" Blinks-'No, she
doesn't make her tea, coffee, or soups
strong enough to stain"
"How about this Court ?" said late
arrest to one of the bailifs. "Got a good
| Judge?" "First rate" els he a non
committal man?' "Why, 1 guess so /;
whyY Because want to be tried by a
non-committal Judge this time. The last
two committed me to Jail for six months
EACH"
But Herbert" she said, "think of the
future. You cannot surround me with the
luxuries to which l have been aecus-
toned" "But your father" 'sHe would
do nothing for US" "Does he play poker?"
"No." 'Then l will teach him. Trust in
me darling, and have no fear for the
future"
Nothing more true than Longfellow's
poetry" said the song and dance man to
the advance agent. II guess some of it is
pretty true" was the diplomatic reply.
| "There's one line that strikes me as par
ticularly applicable to my line of business" {"
"What is that?" "Life is real, life is
! earnest"