davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27
A MISSOURI ORATORS DESCENT.

He Comes Down TO Thrash a Rough, Then
Calmly Resumes His Speech.
New York Sum-
Down in Southwest Missouri four or five
years ago town had all arrangements made
to whoop 'er up on the glorious Fourth. The
citizens had contributed in a liberal
spirit, the day was fine, and the
crowd large and enthusiastic. The
orator OF the day was slim, cadaverous-
looking man from st. Joe. To stand
off and look him over, you'd have bet your
last dollar that an old gander could have
run him all around a ten-aere field. There
were some lofty spirits in town that day,
and one of them was Jim Bucks, a mix
ture of patriotism, whisky, high jump, and
rough and tumble. Jim sized the
orator up, determined to have some
fun with him, and took seat directly in
front of him as he stood on the platform to
speak. The orator hadn't spoken 100 words
before Jim interrupted him. He did this
twice more and was warned to go slow. He
didn't go much on dreams or warnings, how
ever. and watched for another opportunity.
Pretty soon the orator said:
"And SO this little band Of pilgrim
fathers set out with stout hearts and un-
wavering faith in search Of"
eIn search of skunksp' interrupted Jim.
The orator made long jump, lighted
down on Jim Bucks, and inside of two
minutes he had him licked so
thoroughly that Mrs. Bucks would
have passed him by for a splatter of
pumpkin jelly, which had dropped from a
dinner basket. When satisfied that this
work was thoroughly done, the orator re-
turned to the platform, and continued in the
same calm and unruffled tones:
Liberty of speech and freedom of con-
science, and they found them at Plymouth
Rock"
He went on and delivered really elo-
quent speech, lasting nearly an hour, and
he was just concluding when Jim Buck
crawled out from under a wagon half mile
away, where he had been laid, and queried
of those around him:
"Say! is that feller still speakin' or
fghtin'? Durn me, but didn't 'spose ora
tory included iumpin' Jim Bucks liver
out of his bodyl''
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27
THEY CURLED HIS HAIR,
Girl Jokers' Fun That Doesn't Please the
Young Men a Bit.

Girl Jokers' Fun That Doesn't Please the
Young Men a Bit.
Chicago Mail.2
I met friend who always looks rather
chipper the other day and asked him why
he wore his hat tilted down on his nose.
"Well," he said, ''tit's just like this: In
the first place there were two of us, and my
friend said he'd like to have me take him
down to see some girls I knew on Oakwood
avenue. Of course 1 agreed, and we went.
Now, by the way, did you, on the dead
square, ever see a girl with sense-I mean
good, sound mans sense? OF course you
didn't. / thought / did when met these
people. Finest girls I ever saw, and got
to be right at home in the house. Well, I
wasn't feeling any too we'll when we got
there, and after awhile went out in the
back parlor and laid down on the sofa
Then one of the girls came out, and when 1
told her L was sick she said she was real sorry,
and the good, kind creature drew up a chair
and sat down beside me and commenced to
rub nv forehead. Now, I know 1 amt
built like fool, but hanged if didn't go
to sleep. Couldn't help it for the life of
me.
81 don't know how long slept, but 1
dreamed 1 was boy again, and 'hitching
on the back of bus, and that the driver
had swiped me across the forehead with his
whip. Did 1 wake up? Well, 1 should
say so | And what do you suppose it was
A red-hot, sizzling curling-iron that
those female jokers had been curling
my hair with while was asleep. turned
my head and they didn't know any better
than to let 60 of the thing and il hung onto
my forelock and baked me. I've got sense
enough to cover up the wound with my hat,
so folks won't think I'm branded criminal,
that's ALL"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27
A BREACH OF FAITH.
l NoRsE-AMERICAN ROMANCE.
WRITTEN FOR THE P1rrsBURG DISPATCH
HJALMAR HJORTH BOYESEN.

plead ignorance. for have forewarned
you in the name Of the Lord. And beware
lest, though you yourselves remain faithful.
your children go astray. Siren voices Of
temptation besiege their hearts from all
sides. Remember, you will be called TO ac-
count for them on the last day. The pros
pect of wealth, political Office and influence,
and high seat in the synagogues may lure
them away from the simple faith and simple
virtues Of their fathers But tell you, ye
have to choose between the kingdom of God
and the kingdom Of Mammon. What will
it profit You on the last day to have been
American legislators or Sheriffs or County
Cierks--or to have learned the English
language, of which some are 70 foolishly
proud-what will it profit you. ask, in the
sight of Him who demandeth not foreign
languages, but truth in the inmost parts?"
The pastor continued for another half
hour In this strain, warning his hearers in
the most impressive language that they
could not learn the English language or
hold intercourse with Americans, without
running q grave risk of eternal woe. He
elaborated his theme with great ingenuity
and ended with an appeal for the eudow-
ment of a parochial school under the direct
supervision and control of the Norwegian
Lutheran Synod. He finished this appeal
with long and fervid prayer, in which he
besought God to save his people from the
abominations Of desolation, from the un-
hallowed and soul-destroying dance around
the Golden Cali, which was, forsooth, the
god of the heretical, mammon-worshiping
nation wherewith it had pleased him to sur
round them.
The meeting was then at an end and the
pastor devoted himself for another hour to
private solicitation, button-holing one by
one the well-to-do members Of the church,
and refusing to let them 20, until they had
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

weed" Outside of the most squalid of Ko-
resn mud huts you seldom fail to find big
hated man, dressed in long dazzling
gown of delicate blue or red, smoking
pipe as long as a walking cane In the vii
lages you will see groups Of such men, or of
boys like them, squatted on their heels in a
ring, each with pipe showing out under
his big hat. The bowls of these pipes are
about as big as a small chestnut, and they
rest on the ground, while the other end of
the pipe is between a pair of Korean lips, or
in case the owner is talking, is resting lazily
against his lower teeth. The higher the rank
OF the Korean the longer his pipe stem. A
Vaughan, or noble, considers q long pipe q
badge of aristocracy, as it requires slave
at hand to light it Tor him. The Korean
smokes these long pipes as he walks along
the street, and every man and boy carries his
tobacco pouch tied to his waist. His other
personal belongings he carries in big sleeve
in his gown, but his tobacco pouch is work
of art. II is of leather or cloth, beautifully
embroidered, and it hangs down from his
belt lust over his belly Babies wear these
pouches. but ] understand the children
do not
SMOKE BEFORE THEY CAN WALK.
Both the Emperor and his son are cigar
cite smokers, aud the women of Korea
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

pledged themselves in writing for an
amount which he thought fair. IF any one,
knowing that his turn would come next,
tried to steal away unobserved, the jealous
clergyman dexterously intercepted him, and
shamed him with appeals to his pride and
his fear, until he had contributed his quota.
It was true that Gunnar's father had
killed man in Norway, and that
had been the prime cause Of his emil
grating to the United States. He had
scarcely been to blame, however, for
the homicide, for Osmund Gait had
attacked him first, and he had to kill
him in selEdefense. So the judge declared,
though he was by no means favorably dis
posed toward the defendant, and Hans Mat
son was acquitted. It was, as usual, girl
that was at the bottom of the trouble, for
Hans and Osmund had been aspirants for
the hand of Martha Vik, and she had pre-
ierred Hans.
After his acquittal Hans bought ticket
for New York; and the story was told
(though some pretended to doubt it) that
Martha followed him to Christisnia, and
met him on board the steamer when land
was out Of sight. She was desperately in
love with him, people said. However that
may be, sure it was that they were married
by a Lutheran missionary in New York,
and. during the same spring. took home
stead land in Minnesota. But, some
how, Hans did not turn out as good farmer
as his wife had expected. He worked by
fits and starts: but was more interested in
learning English than in burning stumps.
Nearly every cent he had brought with him
went for live stock and agricultural imple-
ments, and when, after miserable summer
in dug-out, simple log house was COM
pleted, and sheds were built for the cattle,
they had to mortgage the farm in order to
meet expenses. Then Gunnar was born,
and things went straight for awhile. Hans
took hold Of the farm work in good earnest,
and met the first payment on the mortgage,
but then he lapsed into meditation again
and his old restlessness got the upper hand.
He had an idea that, if he could break away
from his countrymen and all Morse associa-
tions, he had fair chance of winning fame
and fortuneamong Americans. He broached
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

They were yet in the midst of the fierce
struggle and both heroically determined
not to give up when suddenly tall matron-
ly woman was seen pushing her way
through the crowd. Without undignifed
excitement, but with a stern. set face which
was much more awful, she swooped down
upon the unsuspecting Gunnar, grabbed
him by the collar of his coat, shook him as
if he had been bag Of straw and carried
hearted way to exhibit hilarity which be
was far from feeling; and the forced grin
of mock joll1ty which ne turned toward the
disappointed spectators was rather pathetic
than cheerful. 1t did not occur to him to
make any resistance, however. He allowed
himself to be dragged meekly as lamb
through the crowd in the hall into the stuffy
sitting room, where the foul air soon
sobered his combative zeal.
'tNow," whispered his mother, giving him
q little admonitory shake, listen to the
word of God, and repent of your wicked
ness"
The boy tried hard to listen and still
harder to repent, but, strive as he might his
gretted bitterly that it had been interrupted
before he had tr1umphed over his enemy.
He saw plainly now where he had neglected
an opportunity to trip Thorsten up, and he
wished he could have had the chance over
again.
The parson, in the meanwhile, was thun-
dering away, threatening his parishiolers
with eternal woe if they departed from the
pure Lutheran faith or sent their children
to the goddess" American schools. He was
a young man of somewhat. squatty figure,
inclined to stoutness. with fat, flushed face
and short, stubly hands, covered on the
backs with coarse brown hair. His head,
too, had dense growth Of the same adorn-
ment, parted on the left side; but a few tufts
of rebellious hair stood straight up on the
shaved in the morning, the brown beard
root was more than visible on his chin. His
nose and mouth, too, had a touch of coarse
ness, and his whole appearance made the
impression of man in whom the Old Adam
was strong, though probably kept in proper
discipline.
mo doctrine has destroyed more souls,
my brethren"-thus ran his impassioned
discourse-'sthan that seductive saying, in
vented by the devil himself, that every man
is saved by his own faith-that is, that any
faith, whether false or true, has the power to
save. Why then have ye called ministers
of the true faith-the pure and undiluted
Lutheran faith-to instruct you here in your
Babylonic exile, if Methodist or Baptist or
Unitarian doctrines, perhaps, might do just
as well? declare unto you, brethren in
the Lord, you are little faithful band Of
the elect in the midst of this land of Egyp-
tian darkness and unless you hold together,
stand by each other and the pure Lutheran
faith--and hold aloof from all intercourse
with the pestiferous sectories who infest the
region round about us. We will imperil your
souls. salvation. Ye can NO longer
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

open windows eager listeners were standing,
straining their ears to catch the words that
fell from the preachers lips. A current OF
foul, moist air, poured out into the
hallway, where men and women stood
packed together like herring in barrel.
Outside in the farmyard some small boys.
now and then forgetting the solemnity OF
the occasion, fell to punching and teasing
each other, and were sternly rebuked by
their elders as soon as their alterations be-
came audible. Half dozen young girls in
calico gowns and colored kerchiefs on
their heads made a feint of listening to the
fervid discourse, of which q phrase now and
then reached them; but watched furtively
the unregenerate behavior of the boys and
snickered whenever one got the better OF
the other.
''Oh We generation of vipers," shouted
fthe preacher in terrific voice OF warning
and menace, "who shall teach you to fiee
rom the wrath to Gomez"
The boys, supposing the admonition was
addressed to them, grew quite alarmed, and,
seating themselves on q log in front OF the
wood shed, in various awkward attitudes.
glanced at eacn Obuer Win y nhAA-So"cN oAo
shame-faced bravado. But they presently
forgot their scare; and then commenced anew
the same punching and pinching and
challenging brag, which led to fresh quar-
rels.
ST know where there is a skunk" said
Thorsten Stletten. q tow-headed, freckled
and chunky lad of 1S.
'I saw drunk man yesterday" observed
Gunnar Matson, promptly accepting the
challenge.
He was tall, handsome youth Of IA,
whose coat sleeves and trousers we're much
too short for him. :.
"My father has q cousin who is in Jail, ;"
retorted Thorsten, determined not to be
beaten.
"But my father killed man in Norway, !"
cried Gunnar, triumphantly.
"That's lie in your throat"
"It is no such thing"
In fash they had both tumbled down
from the log. grappled, and, swaying to and
fro, fought like tigers. The other boys,
wholly oblivious Of the prayer meeting,
yelled with delight, and shouted encourage
ment to the combatants, while the girls on
the steps faced about quickly and strove no
more to disguise their interest Even the
devout people about the windows began to
gravitate slowly toward the scene of the
conflict, and vague sense OF the dlsturD-
ance communicated itself within the sitting
room, where the penitents began to look
back over their shoulders and ceased to fol-
low the discourse.
This Aattering attention spurred the boys
to do their best They pulled each others
hair and ears, planted blow upon blow in
each others. .foreheads, tried to ''hook" each
others legs, and resorted to all the lodges
recognized in the art of selt-defense. But
they were pretty evenly matched; Thorsten
making up in Drawn what he lacked in size.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

before the visitor with a cup of delicious tea
at the beginning of his call Seated on his
bare feet, cross-legged on the floor, he picks
up coal with a pair of iron chopsticks and
drops it into his little pipe, and smokes dur
ing his sips while he chats. His pipe has a
metal bowl, less thai the size of thimble,
and its bamboo stem is about a foot long.
He carries his tobacco in a pouch at his
waist, and you note that it is cut fine. like
the tobacco of Egypt He rolls pinch of
ii up into ball before he puts it into his
pipe, and the pipe is so,small that two whifs
will exhaust its contents.
he SWALLOWS THE SMOKE
and expels it through his nostrils, and then
cleans out the pipe by knocking it against
the brass bowl of the hibachi. He takes
from 10 to 80 such smokes every day, and as
he goes from place to place he carries his
pipe stuck in at the belt of his gown. Some
of the most beautiful art works of Japan
are pipe-holders, and balls of ivory made in
the shape of figures, which hang at one end
of the draw-string OF the tobacco pouch,
These last are known as netsukes, and they
hang over the top of the belt, thus fastening
the pouch of tobacco to it,
Since the revolution cigarette smoking has
become very common in Japan, and 1 had
the pleasure of smoking cigarettes with the
Supreme Court and the various officers of
the Government Tea and tobacco was
offered me at the entrance of every depart
ment, and did not make single call in
the whole country where did not find to-
bacco on the floor.
The Koreans are the LATEST smokers
have ever seen, and they have the right to
call tobacco by one of its Japanese names.
which is 1.-THE FOOLS herb, or the poverty
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

tempting prospect which bade him take
heart and not give up the battle. If this
proved delusive, he would acknowledge
himself failure, return to the Morse settle
ment and hide his head In the chimney
corner.
It was now II years since the last letter
was recelved, and Martha took itfor granted
that her husband was dead. She had tried
to institute inquiries, advertised for him in
the Scandinavian paper, ETC., but with no
result Several settlers had proposed for
her hand during this time, but, though she
regarded herself as a widow, she had re-
fused all offers. A large settlement had
grown up about her, and in a circuit Of 20
or 30 miles the country was largely In pos
session Of Norwegians. They did all in
their power TO keep out other nationalities
from their immediate neighborhood; and
vented particularly their hostility on the
Irish, If . representative Of that race dug a
hole in the ground and staked out home
stead on land which they had reserved for
the occupation Of their brethren in the faith.
German Protestants they tolerated (though
they were far from liking them); but the
community Of religion restrained them from
active hostilities. And, moreover, the Ger
mans were no less clannish than the Morse
men themselves, congregsting in commune
ties Of their own, and rarely from choice en-
croaching upon Scandinavian precincts.
In the meanwhile q church had been
built--a simple frame structure and about
as ugly as could have been devised-and q
clergyman had been called over from Nor
way. An archaeological student named
Salveson, formerly addicted to drink, bat
now ostensibly reformed, roamed about the
country, giving instruction, Of an antiquated
sort, in reading. writing, arithmetic and
Bible history. Widow Matson, who was
anxious to have her son profit BY Salveson's
accomplishments, induced him to stay for
months at time at her farm, and kindly
overlooked his demoralized aspect. It was
enough for her, that the pastor indorsed
Salveson; who in spite Of his unhappy pro-
clivities was perfectly orthodox, and truly
and purely Lutheran. Gunnar, on tbs
other hand, was inclined to take critical
view of him, but found his instruction, on
the whole, amusing. Salveson always
smoked long pipe. when he taught; and his
rubicBad nose cleaned through the smoke
while he spoke OF Norway's past glory and
the great deeds Of the Viking. Often he
grew quite excited, scratched his tousled
head and wiped away the tears that trickled
down his cheeks.
THANK God on your knees that you were
born Eorseman, boy" he would say, ''for
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

and within a few generations the WhoIe
world was using 1t. You will hardly find
place on this big round earth where the peo-
pie do not now smoke. and the Orient has
become the home of tobacco. The almond
eyed Japanese swallow more smoke than
they do rice; the pig-tailed Chinaman
glories in his cheap plg-tail plug, and some
of the biggest and best cigars in the world
are made by the women of Burmah. The
queen of benighted Korea smokes American
cigarettes bv the thousand, and the harem
of the Sultan is filled with fair ladies who
delight in the hookah.
In Japan men, women and children are
fond of smoking, and one of the most neces-
sary articles of household furniture is the
little tobacco hibachi; or box, about eight
inches square, which, containing bowl of
charcoal and a round bamboo tube, is placed
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

They have tobacco much like the American
pigtail twist, which they cut up for smok-
ing, and they are largely addicted to snuff.
You will find snuff stores in the larger cities,
and the article used is coarser than the
Scotch snuff The women smoke, and not a
few of the men and boys are addicted to the
use of cigarettes. The average Chinese
cigarette is the poorest and cheapest in the
world. You can get three of them for one
tenth of cent, and they are dear at that.
BABY SMOKERS.
The baby smokers Of the world are found
in Siam and Burmah. I saw little tots of A,
as naked as on the day they were born, trot-
ting about Bangkok with cigarettes in their
mouths, and the babies of Rangoon and
MandaIay are taught to chew the betel nut,
mixed with tobacco, as soon as they
are weaned. The Siamese children, like
their fathers, use their ears as cigarette
and cigar holders, and the lack of cloth
ing or pockets on the part of the little ones
necessitates their carrying these articles
over their ears, as the American clerk car
Iies his pencil or pen.-.I saw one noble
Siamese boy with a shaved head and a
string about his waist, who had a cigarette
over each ear and another in his mouth.
His father, who was with him, was also
smoking, and his mother had cigarette
between her lips. When the party went
away the mother took up the naked smok-
ing boy. and balancing him on her hip,
walked of, both smoking as they went.
The thousand odd women who make up the
barem of the Siamese King all smoke and
chew, and it takes good part of his Ma
iesty's $4,000, 900 year to pay his tobacco
bill. Each lady has to have her betel spit
toon, which is of decorated china, the size
of coffee cup, and, ifshe is favorite, she
has also a silver box in which to carry her
tobacco and betel nut: S
The women of Burmah, like the smokert
of Siam, use their ears as cigar-holders, bu
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

he might just as we'll have made you mis-
erzble Deutschman or Englishman or Amer
lean. We are the proudest nation on earth.
or we ought to be, if we would read our
history Alright. There Easn't anybody could
lick those old Vikings. They conquered
Normandy-a mere handful of them-and
when the King Of France wanted Duke
Rollo to kiss his confounded toe-think Of
it ne, Norseman. kiss Frenchman's toe
-Rollo simply took him BY the foot, and
quietly turned him upside down. Served
gobbled up France, those very same fellows
--or I think it was their grandchildren-
sailed over and put England In their
pockets. Hoi Hol That was . neat fob,
wasn't it?"
And thus the poor drunken sot would st
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-27

the idea cautiously to his wife, who was so
terrified at 1t that he repented having
spoken. She tried to make him promise
never to entertain such preposterous plan.
That he refused to do, however, but he grew
moody and silent, tinkered at model for
an improved threshing machine which he
had invented, and lost all interest in
the farm. When this had gone On
for couple Of years, Martha
concluded that his case was hopeless; and
she changed her tactics and began to urge
him to 60. IF that was the only way to se-
cure his happiness, she would no longer
stand in his way. And 30, one day, he
took the model to pieces and packed II with
some clean shirts and socks, which Martha
had made for him, into his knapsack and
started off for the nearest railway station,
which was 40 miles distant. That was the
last Martins or her son had seen OF him:
Half o dozen letters arrived to be sure, at
long intervals, during the first year Of his
absence, but they told only Of mishaps, dis
appointments and privationA Martha
wrote urging him to return, but there was
always something new to try, always some