The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1889-08-02
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some OF the Ups and Downs ~ Editorial
Life Ia the West.

| uc lhSL Issue OF luc AfIIOnd hlckcF.
The LAST STRAW. For the last six
months Maior Davis. OF this burgh,
las lost no opportunity Of abusing US
and boasting OF what he would do II
we did not step softly. The reason for
this conduct lies In the fact that tho
Kicker not only called him "A horse
thief, but proved him bigamist be-
sides. Last Saturday the Major. who
has no more right To that title than IA
mule has 10 that Of ''profcssor," bor-
rowcd IA shotgun and gave out that he
had campcd on our trail and meant to
riddle our system with buckshOt on
sight Word was brought 20 rs, aud
although we were very busy nj the
time experimenting our combined
weekly newspaper, harness shop, gro
Gerry. bnzar aud gun store Gall under
one roof, and the largest retail cstab-
lishmcnt in Arizoua), we laid aside
our work and went over 10 Snydcr's
saloon I'm search Of the Major. We
found him, aud we gave him such u
whipping rs no man in this town ever
EOi D'iOi's IlI ll'1 ~ blNN'u flh
stranded wreck on the shores Of time,
so 10 speak, ana the doctor says II will
be six weeks before hc will find any
more trails or do any moro camping.
SLIPPED COG. In company with
the elite Of this ncighborhood we were
invited TO the abode OF Judge Graham
last Thursday evening 10 witness the
marriage Of County Clerk Dan Scott to
the beautiful Arabclln johnson, only
daughter OF the aristOcratic widow
Johnson Of Bay Horse IIights. The
widow had made u spread worthy OF
the days OF Cleopatra, and Dan had on
new suit sent by express from Omaha
for tho occasion. Every thing passed
of pleasantly until eight o'clock. at
which hour the bride was discovered
70 bo missing, and investigation soon
brought out the fact that she had gone
dead back on Dan and skipped the ira
la, whatever that il, with bold cow
boy named French Jim. She left "A
message TO the effect that she could
never, never love man with n cnta-
rnct In his left eye, and that meant
Dan. There was feast, but no we'd
ding and Daniel will have TO try again.
EXPLANATORY. As several versions
OF tho incident that occurred In our
office Saturday night are Aying around
town and have probably boon telo-
graphed all over the world, wo deem
IL but right To give the particulars as
they occurred We were seated In the
editorial chair, writing n loader on tho
European situation, when rough
character known around town M
Mike the Slayer called In. As we
had never had word with the man,
we suspected no evil. AS matter Of
Tact we reached for our subscription
book, supposing, Of course, that he
wanted the best weekly in America
Tor year. The Slayer thon announced
that he had come TO slay us. not be-
cause we had ever done him harm, but
because the influence OF the press was
driving out the good old times and
customs. We retreatod towards tho
door Of our harness department ITo
pursued us with n drawn knife. We
then folt IL our duty TO draw our gun
and let six strcaks II daylight through
his bcdy, and as he went down we
stepped TO the door and sent boy for
the coroner. II was Il clear case OF
solf-dcfcnso. and tho inquest was IL
mere formality. We lament the sad
occurrence, but no one can blame us.
We paid his burial expenses. and in
another column will be found his obitu-
airy. written in our best vein and with
out regard TO space. No other Arizona
editor has ever done half rs much.
No HARM DONE. The boys got after
stranger the other evening who was
pointed out rs a horso-thief, and ran
him all over town with the object Of
pulling him up 20 limb. In some
manner he gave them the slip, and In
their zeal they got hold OF Judge Dow
ney and held him up to limb for over
u minute before the error was discov-
cred. Tho Judge is gu-guing around
with sore throat and stifT neck and
threatens % bring about fifty damage
suits Take friends advice, Judge,
and hush up. You got of powerful
easy, considering your general charac-
ter. While IL was mistake, the boys
were not so far wrong after all. We
wish such mistakes would occur oftoner.
WE BIDE OUR TINE. While selling
Mrs. Colonel Prescott four pounds ct
prunos for half "A dollar the other day
Constable Button entered and asked us
to step across the street to tho office OF
Esquire Williams. We obcycd the re-
quest, and were at once served with
warrant charging us with keeping
bales OF hay on the sidewalk in front
Of the Kicker Office to the dctrimont OF
pedestrians. As is well known, wo
run n grocery, feed store. harness shop.
ba2ar aud music house i'm connection
with the Kicker, aud the hay was out
for sign. We were tried, convicted
and fined nine dollars grossost
outrage ever pcrpatrutcd In the name
Of law. We shall b;dc our time. That
is, we shall begin next week and show
Squire Williams up rs n drunkard.
dead-beat, abscondcr, cmbezzler and
perjurer. and II we can't drive him out
Of the country in six weeks we will
forfeit a lung. The man who made the
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