davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
To Induce Sleep.

Among the many recipes that have
been given for overcoming wakefulness
is one devised by a Mr.. Gardner, and
formerly celebrated in England, but now
almost forgotten. 1t il to lie on the right
side, with the head so placed on the pill
low that the neck shall bestraight; keep
ing the lips closed tightly, a rather full
inspiration is to be taken through the
nostrils, and the lungs then left to their
own action. The person now imagines
that he secs the breath streaming in and
out of his nostrils, and confines his atten-
ton to this idea. If properly carried out
this method is said TO be infallible
Counting and repeating poetry are other
means that have been recommended
Combing the hair, brushing the forehead
with q soft shaving brush, or tanning,
are all good sleep indueers, and might
well be tried on sleepless children.-Once
A Week
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
The English Language.

English men of letters are perpetually
scolding and nagging at one another for
speaking and writing bad English, OF for
pronouncing it enormously, and the fault
finders make, as a rule. as many mis-
takes as do the writers and speakers
whom they profess to correct. And then
step in, forsooth, the Americans, clad
from top to toe in the shining armor of
self confidence, and they airily tell US
that we know not how to speak or pro-
nounce our own language, and that to
mend our ways we should take lessons
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
An Immense Globe,

The immense globe for the Paris exhi-
bition represents the earth on the scale
Of one milIionth, and is nearly one hun
bred feet in diameter. Details are given
true proportions, Paris occupying about
a third of an inch. All the great lines
of communication by land and sea are
shown in detail. The earth's daily rota
ton may be precisely initiated by clock
work, a point on the globes equator
moving an eightieth OF an inch per sec
ond.-New York Home Journal
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

The attention of the passengers in q
southern smoking car was riveted on q
strangely behaved negro. He rocked
himself from side to side without ceas-
ing.
whats the matter with your asked
traveller who was in the car.
docs you know Dan McGary;' in.
quired the negro.
Eyes.
We'll, sab. lie sold Inc silver watch
for 800 added the negro, still swayine
from side to side, can ef stops noyin.
dis here way de watch don't so nc
noah. New Orleans Picayune.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
Artificial IInmey.

Artificial honey, which is more COM
mon in the market than consumers
know, is made of potato starch and oil
Of vitriol Some rash optimists think
that they are sure of getting the genu-
inc product of bees and flowers by pur-
chasing honey in the comb. They do
not know that the exquisite white comb
that pleases them is often made of par
ATTN wax.-Herald of Health.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

Principal to bookkeeper)-During the
last few weeks you have made so many
miscalculations that / must ask you tc
be more careful in the future
Bookkceper-I hope you will try and
overlook my miscalculations, as I am SC
deeply in love with your daughter that
half the time l don't know what Tn
doing. May hope"
There, you see, you make another
miscalculation while I'm talking to you. .
German Fun.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
The population of woodstoN

is about 1900, and we would say at least
one half are troubled with some afiliction
of the throat and lungs, as those complaints
are, according to the statistics, more numer-
Gus than others. We would advise all our
readers not TO neglect the opportunity to
aal ON their duggist and get bottle f
Kemp's Balsam for the throat and lungs
Trial size free. Large bottle Soc and 81
Sold By Eli druggists.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
Miss Minnie Apolis, Opinion.

THE subject Of a national flower is
being discussed great deal now, Miss
Minnie remarked visitor at Mime
apolis to a maiden of that city. "What
do you think about it,"
''Well," replied Miss Minnie, Il think
papa's Fancy Winter Wheat Flour rather
takes the biscuit. New York Sun
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

Frozen milk, it is asserted, may be
kept in fresh state indefinitely, and
many steamers sailing ON distant voyages
are now provided with steam refriger-
ators, in which milk and other foods
may readily be preserved for any length
of time
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

Mrs. Bloodgood-I understand that
Mrs. Chataway, who has just moved into
our block, has an impeachment in her
speech What is it? DO you know?
Mrs. Parvenu-Her teeth drop out
while she is talking. Burlington Free
Press.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
The Significance.

How is business" was the cheerful
inquiry made by one travelling man of
another
First rate How is it with you:"
"Oh, don't find fault"
THAT sounds well anyhow. 1t means, l
suppose, that you are doing well"
''No, it means, simply, that am good
natured. New York News.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

OF Bostonltes or the Duucn-lrlsn-Eng-
lish and altogether cosmopolitan people
of New York We may needs vince a
little under these structures, for our
withers are not by any means unwrung,
and to the ear of foreigner who has
made only literary study of English it
is certain that our pronunciation, or
rather our many and discordant methods
of pronunciation, must appear very il
logical and very ludicrous.
1t is not alone clergymen who drawl
the church service and humble their
sermons; it is not alone school children
who are taught to read in monotonous
sing-song: it is not alone young ladies
who. through affectation, lisp or mince
their words, but it is the great body of
English people-aye, of educated Eng
fish people-who habitually stammer be-
fore they can find the right word, who
rarely pronounce their final consonants,
who slur and shuttle their syllables into
one another, who almost invariably put
the wrong emphasis on the chief men,
bers of phrase. and who, if they do not
absolutely chew and swallow the ends of
their yocables, as the modern Greeks do,
utter them in such disiointed and slip
shod fashion as to make them more than
half unintelligible to the foreign ear.
This is why it may be quite feasible for
a Frenchman to live seventeen years in
England without being able to under
stand English. Telegraph.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
The sparrow and the Allirator,

An alligator and an English sparrow
were seen to engage in a battle near
Darien, Fla, the other day. The gator
provoked the fight by swapping at the
bird, which in turn flew furiously at its
ugly antagonist, aiming with precision
at the saurian's eyes. The gator finally
gave up the contest and sought safety
from the sparrow's attacks by hiding it
self under wato..-Detroit Free Press.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

He (sentimentally)-How shall l ever
leave thee, love? She Gpractieally)-Well.
if you go now you may get out of the
door. But hear father coming and If
you don't go now you may go out at tho
window. American.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

RENT-store next to MONITOR Office. " III
he rented for restaurant, provision or any sim
llar business. Apply 10 L. b. HI MPHREYs,
" oodstown, n. j.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

Grapes were first cultivated about 1916,
and previously to the reign of Edward
VI were brought in large quantities from
Flanders TO England. The vine was in
trodUced into England in 1859
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

Yon can get 3 H. box of best Satir
Gloss starch for Is cts, or 6 ID. box fel
30 cts. at Humphreys store.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

II yon have any need for dishes see our
immense stock before you bny. We have
nearly all kinds, f. b. Humphreys & Co.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

Pillows and Bolsters made Of good tick
ing and filed with IA lbs of new feathers,
at So. 80 for the entire set at L. u. Hum
phreys 4 Co.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06
TON BLINKER'S BABY.
THE STORY or A FALL AND REF
ORMATION IN REAL LIFE.

The Life Of IL e-Eear-Old Darling the
Price of "a Mans Redemption-Tle Little
Mound of Earth on Crown Hill-The
Neat Cottage of the Old Time Tom.
Tom BInker was one Of the "boys, >
and there are many in this city who
would know him should his right name
be given He made good wages, spent
his money freely and was hale fellow
well met with every one.
When he and Mary stood before the
altar in the little church and linked their
lives together many were the compli-
ments they received, for indeed they
were a fine couple. Their friends con-
graduated them and the future looked
bright And when the first little pratt
tier came the acme Of their happiness
seemed to have been reached.
But Toms old habits clung to him,
and ere many years had gone he began
to neglect his homo. Often he would
come home late at night under the influ-
ence of liquor The money he earned
passed over the bar of the saloon, and the
roses faded from Mary's checks. The
stars left her eyes: her face became
pinchcd, and deep lines of sorrow chased
away the dirnples. Still she did not COM
plain, and Tom did not see what great
changes were going on in his home.
From one house to another they moved
The little home on which Tom on his
wedding day had made the first payment
was gone, and at last his midnight reel
carried him to q miserable howell in which
a heart broken woman and children ex-
listed
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-09-06

one hundred new linen salt sacks for
farmers towels, 30 cents. at L. L. Hum
phreys q Co.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-12-26
LESLIE.

Ever that-always the same!'' he
unused. ''Oh, it is ~maddening! She
clings to that memory through pain, neg
lect, poverty. A thought of him IS
more to her than all the gold and Jewels |
can lay at her feet. How ! hate him! Ny
love for Claire Denslow is consuming me,
and she is cold as ice, disdainful, smiling
contemptuously ON my gold while hunger
is gnawing at her bonny heart. will see
her-I will see her! Tonight, this very
hour, now, for the last time, | will offer
her love, luxury, content, Or-revenge!"
Gurdon Aylmer, money lender, and rich
est man in the district, walked straight
up to the mansion, assembled the ~portico,
and reached the front door.
Through the half-curtained window he
could see within the sparsely furnished
sitting-room.
1t held four occupants-Claire, placing a
homely repast before her sad-faced mother,
her little sister, and decrepit, childish old
Grandfather Denslow.
Its my time, it's my time, surely!"
breathed Aylmer, feverishly. They have
sold off everything, even to ordinary artic-
les of comfort. They have lost every dol
lar they put into that old imbecile's child
ISL suit at law in the city. The girl may
refuse my love and aid for herself. but for
the sake of her mother, for the sake of her
starving ones, she will accept me when |
tell her that unless she does, /, owner as
mortgage of The Cedars. will send them
adrift, homeless, with the dawn of Christ
mas Day"
Tap-tap-tap!
A reluctant voice babe the unwelcome
visitor of Christmas Eve to enter.
4 am sorry to intrude." spoke the hypo-
critical Aylmer, ''but have a few words
to say to you"
Claire placed the lamp on a table in the
dreary parlor. She stood, a shudder ira
versing her veins, awaiting the money
lenders words.
They came in a OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
pleading, persuasive, menacing. By right
of law he held The Cedars and its inmates
at his mercy.
Byright of gold he offered her it back
wealth, luxury the price of a word of
love.
She vas not angry; she did not even be-
tray her loathing of the man who had plot
ted and waited for three years.
She was calm, her face the face of an
angel, as she said, simply:
Tomorrow, then, Mr.. Aylmer, we
leave your house. As to the rest, | prom
ised Leslie Fenton when he went away
three years since to be true to my love for
him living or dying. in poverty, suffering,
homelessness. That is my answer now
and always"
Into the face ofthe rising storm. awaken
ing from its transient sleep. the bafied
Aylmer flung his mad and bitter rawlings,
once free from the mansion.
He dashed ON over the snowy lodges
like a being demented, spurned by the
woman whose lightest smile he craved
even more than the glow of all his boarded
! gold.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-12-26
WHAT MAS Q
BY ALICE BRADSHAW.
HAPTE 1.

L.
| 1t was Christmas Eve. and snow-snoy
everywhere.
It had come with the early morning on
the wings of a mighty storm, and hao
ceased just as the cherries day began tc
die. The trees were laden with it, the
ground represented an unbroken field Of
white; and only the paths and the many.
! gabled house looked down at the nesting
village disturbed a serenity and sameness
hat was monotonous.
They called it The Cedars. In its state
ly wealth of portico, embrasure, and or
namented roof the mansion still retained a
certain dignity and grandeur that spoke
of old-time cheer and comfort. The sway
ing cedars had welcomed many a gay party
of merry visitors, the quaint windows had
quivered and blazed with thrilling light
and warmth, and the broad fireplace had
seen more than one Yule log, more than
one bright romance, sparkle and glow to
the sound of happy voices and the beat
ing of happy hearts.
That was a dim-remembere story in the
old-time, entomed now, however. For
three years The Cedars had seen Christmas
pass by with no welcome from the weird,
sealed portals of the grand old manse.
Down the road leading from the village,
just as the dusk began to fall, two figures
appeared on the landscape.
The first was that of a girl singularly
graceful, singularly beautiful, but in pose,
man, and countenance there was subdued
sadness.
She paused as she reached the path,
that led to The Cedars, and half leaned on
the faded umbrella she carried, and cast a
dreamy, longing glance at the old mansion,
beyond it, all across the dreary expanse
that environe lit.
Her lips quivered, her eyes grew fearful,
a vivid emotion pulsdted the fair cheeks.
She sighed as might one standing amid
the wraiths of SUMMER days. Then, bend
ing her head, with the point of the UNI
brella she traced in the white, pure snow
at the side of the path a name.
Then, as If a shock of memory presented
the snowy wall as a block of marble, the
name written as that of one dead, her
poor heart sobbing, she FASTENED toward
the manse and disappeared within its por-
tails.
At that moment the second figure on the
bleak landscape, that of a man, fastened
his steps directly in the course the girl had
gone.
He, too, was laboring under some deep
emotion, but it was sinister, passionate,
evil-minded. Avarice and craft lined his
sallow face, eagerness and scheming lay in
his shifting glance. As he reached the
spot where the girl had paused, he, too,
halted.
He glanced down and his face grew
livid. His eyes danced like a basilisk rage,
his features contracted, his hands clenched,
for he read the simple name traced
in the pure white snow plainly:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-12-26

THERE are a very few southern people
whose feelings are hurt because the flag
was not hung at half-mast over the war
Office when Jeff Davis died. There are a
great many people at the north whose
feelings would have been hurt if it had
been so hung. 1t was of small moment,
any way. But inasmuch as Mr.. Davis,
during his later life refused to lower him
self to the flag, lived under it in naughty
and %scornful aIienage while receiving its
Ienity and its protection, there was no
special reason or special fitness in lowering
the flag for him.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-12-26
DANCING OPPOSED IN GERMANY
Emperor William Issues Imperial DeCcee
Against the Giddy Whir1.

BERLIN.-No move by the German
monarchy in politics could interest German
society more, either here In Berlin or among
scattered Germans the world over, than the
edict to put down dancing among the
youthful subjects of the ruler, who Is him
self a few years past boyhood, with the
view of raising the standard of morality
of both sexes and of stimulating the fervor
of their religious belief" Up to this time
there has been in the fatherland little, if
any, interference with popular pleasures
and pastimes. A slong as the people faith
fully fulfilled their duty to the state they
were permitted to anus themselves as
they saw fit. Theaters, concert-rooms,
museums, and picture-galleries are open
Sunday. There are observation-disclosures
which are not obliged to close at a certain
hour whether those who are at supper have
swallowed their last mouthful or not. In
the face of such liberties of the subject, it
has astounded the people to be suddenly
circumscribed In whatthey regard as harm
less and healthful amusements. Dancing
is a perfect passion with the Germans, and
perhaps for that reason the government
has resolved to subdue, If not to eXtinguish,
it In the young. The new relations which
are to be strictly observed by those COM
mun6S IN WHICH on Une emperor S DlfUnQdy
and all national holidays public dances are
arranged for the special amusement of
children are as follows: Dancing is not to
begin until after noon, isnot to be kept up
after s in the evening, and no one but
school children are to be allowed to join in
the giddy round or the solemn square.
Young people who are being prepared for
confirmation are absolutely forbidden to
appear at dances or to dance; and all par
ents and guardians of the young are called
upon to use every means in their power to
keep their children, or pupils from dane
ing and they are advised to substitute
games for the popular form of recreation.
1t is said that Bismarck opposed the ukase
and said to tie emperor: THAT policy
will be sure to make the young people dance
all the harder. Who knows but it may
come to pass that dances will be held in
secret, ike political agitatory exercises,
and that the devotees of Terpsichore will
have their heads turned with seditious
politics as with the comparatively harmless
dizziness of the waltz?'|
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-12-26
JOSH BILLINGS PHILOSOPHY,
New York Weekly.

Vote early and vote often, " IL the pol
itishun's golden rule.
Debt IL a trap which a man sets and
bats himself, and deliberately gifts into.
Men seem tew me. nowadays, to be
divided into slow Christians and wide
awake sinners.
A lie IL like nitro-glycerine; the best ov
judges kan tell when it IL going tew bust
and skater confushun.
Most people, when they cum tew yu for
advice. cum tew hay their W %opinyuns
strengthened, not correkted.
One good way | kno ov to find happiness
IL not by boreing a hole to fit the plugg.
but by making a plugg to fit the hole.
There IL lots ov folks who are like a
pump-not ov emmy use tew themselves,
but simply a handle and suckshun for
others.
A kicking cow never lets drive until jest
az the pail IL full, and seldum misses the
mark; it IL jist so with sum mems blund-
erS.
About one-haf the pity In this world
IL not the result on sorrow, but satisfaction
that it amt our boss that haz had hiz leg
broke.
Disseaze and pills, when they enter a
mans boldly. are like two lawyers when
they undertake few settle hiz affairs; they
compromise the matter by lying out the
patient.
Az the flint kontains the spark unknown
few itself which the steel kan wake into
life; so adversely often reveals tew us hid
den gems which prosperity or Incidence
would forever have hid.
never knew but one infdel in mi life.
and he had no more courage that a half.
drowned kitten jist pulled out ov a swill
barrel, and was az afraid few die az the
devil would be if he waz allowed tew visit
this eaath for a sholt season to recruit
himself.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-12-26
Old Jones Philosophy.

When | was a doy we had a yaller dog
that hadn't as much sense as a sheep or as
much pluck as a chipmunk. That dog
wouldn't have fought a canary bird. We
knew it and he knew 1t, but he kept up
an awful sight of buster an blow just the
same as if we didn't all know just what it
was worth. Every day a big black cur, as
cowardly as ourn, used to go by with a
butchers cart and them dogs would run
up an down on different sides O. the fence
barkin' fit ter kill an just as they would
tear each other up if it wasn't for the
fence.
One day the two got after each other
an it happened some one had left the
gate open, so all a sudden they came OPP
posite each other with nothing between.
Well, sir, those two dogs just stopped an
looked at each other for a minute, then
they put their tails between their legs an
cut sticht in different directions as if the
Old Nick was after EN-. There's piles an
piles O. men that's aheap more anxious for
a fight when there's a fence between 'em
than when they re on clear ground.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-12-26
CHRISTMAS ALWAYS COMING.
BIZ EVELYN

Only a leaguei. pants the pretty brook.
Through leaves that rustic and CULVER:
.1Only a milet" sings the broader stream.
It'll we mingle and meet the riyert'i
ssOnly a ~furlongi" the river chants,
$40 the ocean grand and sounding
Then the goal is reached, and the Joyous four
In green, cool pillows are bounding.
,'Only a week. pratted pretty May
'.Seven days. and, softly knocking.
Santa will creep to the cottage door,
To fill nv hung-up stocking,
Only a week! Oh how can l waltz
l get up early and go TO bed late
Oh, DEAR Ill be all worn out, at this rate
Only a week TO Christmas!
''Only a day! Just think of it, Onei
Twentyfour hours and its coming:
Christmas will be here: the very thought
Sets every nerve a humming!
Stockings all mended. tree in the shed,
Popcorn all ready. white ears and red;
Just one more jump in and ont of the bed
Only a day to Christmas!
''Only an houri won't go to sleepi
Who can't wait sixty short minutes2
| hear papa working behind the closed doors.
With packages rustling like linnets.
If I stay awake just an hour, I'll see
Santa Claus come down the broad chimney.
OH I'm so sleepy, so slee-slee-sleepyi
Only an hour to Christmas!
sits come and its been. and it's stayed and it
gOnei
Christmas is 'merried' and over.
Wish ii would stay through the snow and the
ice,
And the buds. and the blossoms. and cloverl
But then, l forgot; l can still watch and wait:
Twill sure come again, although pretty late.
III count up the months and the weeks on my
slate
Oh, dear! One great long year to Christmas 1!