The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-08-31
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Acting the part of the blackguard
often secures brief distinction for $50
ciety men,"
Love is blind, which probably ac-
counts for the spectacles some young
lovers make of themselves. Washing
ton Critic.
Jones 0o barber) "Why don't you
initiate your shears??" Barber-''How's
that?" Jones-"They shut up to do
efficient work"
When a man wants to find fault he
will do so even if he has to stay up all
night looking for it. -Richmond Re-
corder.
There is a good deal of difference
between the scum and the upper crust,
though both are at the top.-Boston
Courier.
If there is any thing which will
make a young man query whether
evolution is not failure it is to see a
pretty girl kiss a pug dog.-Burling-
ton Free Press.
A wife is never so happy as when
she is a successful humorist. The
more she humors her husband, the
more, usually, she has her own way
Somerville journal.
-Manager-"How many characters
did you say there are in your play?'
Author-'I didn't say there were any.
This is a French society drama. -
Puck.
After the amateur fisherman has
ceased telling his story one has grave
doubts that there are still as good fish
in the sea as ever was caught. -Boston
Courier
If this world were made to suit
every critic wishes what defOrmed,
bullying. lopsided, depressed, irregular.
dime museum affair it would be!-Bal-
timore American.
well. Mr.. Assessor. what are you
going to make out Of your boyP" Il
think he will do for policemen, be-
cause | can never find him when l want
him. "-Fliegende Batter.
-Wife-''i hate this horrid dust that
is blowing; it makes me keep my
mouth closed" Husband-'Can' t you
take some of it home with you?"-
Omaha World.
Mrs. Hashcroft-"Did you ever
see any of this lcatherette, Mr.. Bill
ings, the latest substitute for leather?"
Billings-"I have often seen leather ct
as substitute for piecrust Mrs. Hash
croft. "-Terre Haute Express.
Mr.. Brief our uncle has direct
ed in his will that you shall have one
cent" Mr.. Standardization. kind
uncle!' Tin sudden alarm) Are you
sure, Mr.. Brief, it isn't a counterfeit?"
-Harper's Bazaar.
Sir, always aim to tell the truth"
! remarked a politician whose veracity
had been impugned. That may be
true, was the quick retort, "but justice
compels the observation that you are
a mighty bad shot. IN. Y. Ledger.
Ethel (musingly)--"I wonder why
Jack Forrest paid me so much atten-
ton at the hop last night" Laura
Perhaps out of pity. You know he
has most absurd ideas about doing his
duty. Chicago journal.
Brown Ito Black, who is preparing
for European trip)-"How do you
get on with your languages, old fell
low?" Black-"Capitally.- I've
got so now L can think in French.
Brown-''Well, that's blessing, for
it's more than you could ever do in En-
glish. Time.
"A French paper reports a case in
which tuberculosis was transmitted by
the earrings of a girl who died of con-
sumption to another girl. Shortly after
the second girl commenced to wear the
earrings, an ulcer containing tubercle
bacilli formed on the left ear, and she
subsequently developed pulmonary con-
sumption.
-Larwin-''Do you believe in evolu-
tom" Jarmin (whois man modist)
mo; I've seen too much of fashion,"
Larwin-"What has that to do with
it?" Jarmin-'Well, fashion makes
fools Of some, towards of many and
monkeys of all. IT'S the last that shat
ters my belief in evolution. "-Cincin-
natl Commercial.