Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1889-05-10
WIT AND lIUMOR.

probably Il turn-over.-LoweH Courier.
Lots of people are inconsistent
enough to expect mule to have horse
sense.-Detron Free Press.
In all probability the brightest of
vegetables is the onion. 1t at any rate
has the most scents.
When artists submit competitive
designs the contest is likely TO resultin
L draw.-IItsdurg Chronicle.
Doland. OAK, has a lawyer nameG
korns. Is he a descendant OF John
Bunyan?-St. Fhml IioneerPress.
1t is not by skimming the newspaper
that Il man can get the cream of its
contents -Bins httn.ton Republican.
Learn the brickmason's trade if you
wish an occupation in which you can
lay up somclhing.-IerreH Haute En-
press.
The trouble with dancing clubs is
that they have too many round dances
aud too few square meals.-NtW Or
leans Picaumne.
Burne-Jones, the artist, is having Il
piano made that will be worth $35. 900.
1t ought to be Il high-toned affair."
Rochester Post.
''Dnmrstic economy consists in do
ing without things" 1t was first
practiccd by Adam and Eve.-Maythd's
Ttmy rd He'u,d.
When Il married woman goes out to
look after her rights her husband is
usually left ut home with his wrongs.
- Boston Courier.
Miss De Plain-Doctor. what is the
secret of beauty? Family physician
(contidenliallv)- BE- born pretty
New York Weekly.
When member of the bar has no
practice. and knows he is no lawyer,
to paw license on his business seems .
hardship. Orleans Picayune.
Lady-"Biddy, have you seen the
little stuffed bird had in my bonnet?"
Biddy-"Yis, mum; put it in the
soup TO make it 4 little richer" -
Epoch.
Ladv-And your name Would be
.Help"-Smiti. ma'am. Lady -
can't engage you. fear you have en-
tirelv too many relatives.-Ierre Hdxte
Express.
Housckeeper, l regret to say, sir.
that your son and the cook have elop-
ed Rich old party-Thunderation!
Theu we shan't have any dinner
LoWeU Citizen.
Old LADY, hope, my boy, you don't
sell papers on Sunday? Small news
boy (sadly)-No. mum; l amt big
enough to carry Sunday edition yet.
-Ha,per's Bazdr.
First theatcr goer-Is that new CONF
edy farce ut the Fashion Theater worth
seeing? Second theater goer-It's q
grand success = absolutely idiotic.-
Ihi atteiphfu r. cord.
There are IL 200 remedies for disease
known TO medical srieHee, aud man
generally has most of them suggested
to him whenever he has Il boil.-Jour-
nal of Educ ttion.
Stranger Ito cashier in restaurant)
is the proprietor in? Cashier-No.
sir; he has just gone out to get some
thing to eat. Back in = few minutes,
sir.-NeW York Sun.
The last words Of great men are all
recorded in books, but the last words
of women, great and small, have al
WAYS been too much for the historians.
-Jourmat of Education.
Miss Spook Chacer-Do YOU believe
in second sight, Mr.. Peck? Mr.. N.
Peck-You just bet do. My mar
riage was result of love at first
sight. Haute Express.
She-Why. Mr.. Hit, didn't know
t.I
He-Yes, l am, but only slightly. l
promised to be brother to her last
leap year.--Dctron Free Press.
Skriblcr- Have YOU read my new
novel. "A Story Without Hero?"
Carper-Yes. think it is misnamed.
however. Any man who reads it clear
through proves himself hero.-Terre
Haute Express.
Family Hotel housekeeping-Wife-
I've found exactly the girl I've been
looking for-but fortunately l can't
Jngage her. Husband Why not?
Wife-Shc's too large for the servants
bedroom.-Boston Beacon.
The lawyer at home-Amclia. be
sure and put away at once everything
that is of any value, because the thief
VINO has just been acquitted on my
eloquent defense is coming to-day to
thank me.-F9iegende Blatter.
snore?" Mrs. B.-..Yes; delightfully."-"
Mrs. A Delightfully?" Mrs. B.
''Yes. You see, he is an Italian BARI
tone, and always snores selections
from 'Trovatore' and Lucia. '"-Eposh.
Angelina-Will you always love me
as much as you do now? Elwin-Al-
ways. my darling. Why, what are you
crying for? Angeina-Either you are
not telling t.e truth or you never in
tend to marry me.-Ierre Haute E1-
press.
Two contemporary items from Kan
sas City will strike the card-player as
something like cause and effect. One
reports the playing of 4 heavy game Of
poker; the other relates that two peo-
pie met death by falling over bluff.
boston Post.
Hattcr-I've got no use for young
Snobberly. Friend-What has he been
doing? Hatter-I met him the other
day and he didn't take off his hat to
me. didn't mind that so much if he
hadn't been owing me for that identi-
Cal hat.-1e1as Sittings.
Henpecked husband (reading paper
and rocking the cradle)-Ahem! the
hustle is going out. see. Vixenish
wife (who has just finished dressing)
-You bet it is. and Pm going out with
it. You take care of the baby till
get back. Boston Courier.
She-No, sir, it is impossible. am
sorry, indeed. but can never marry
you. Hc-And yet the encourage
ment you gave me last night in the
waltz She--O, that mustn't be
counted, what said under pressure,
50 to speak. Haute ETpress.
Cause Enough.