davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25

y
wick, an dat would be AKIN too much
of anybody. detroit Free Press.
NO CAPACITY.
A tradesman, who had amassed a
fortune, anxious that his son should
enjoy the advantages which had been
denied himself, placed him under the
tuition of minister of considerable
attainments. Going to the clergyman,
after the boy had been for some months
under his care, the father was disap-
pointed to find that he had made little
progress, and inquired what the trouble
was.
"Why, the trouble is simply this, J."
replied the minister, '.your son wants
capacity"
"Wants capacity" exclaimed the
father, "Why on earth didn't you tell
me about it soonerl / would have got
him one if it cost thousand dollars
brakes Magazine.
AN ACCEPTABLE CONTRIBUTION.
Author-Youreturn everything offer.
What can send you that will be &C
ceptable9
Editor-A years subscription.
MASTER FRED's VERDICT.
Freddie, you have a new baby at
the house, haven't youi"
"Yeth UNI"
"What does little sister think about
him9"
"She says he's too sweet for any
thingl"
"And what do you think about himl"
az think he's a big nuisance. -
Epoch.
WHERE IT WAS.
Brown-What's all this about your
throwing pepper at your sister,
Little Johnny-Why, dad, that's all
in her eye brakes Magazine.
A GOOD BUSINESS MAN.
"Here. Brown, let's see how much
Won weigh. Drop a nickel in the slot.
"No. I'll not do that; but you drop
nickel in my hand, and I'll tell you how
much l weigh, my age, and the size OF
my hat. -
TO INSURE QUICK DELIVERY.
"But, Johnny, how could it take you
so long to post the letter for uncle in
the Post Officer"
ssOh, 1 did not go to the Post Office
at all, mamma, but to the letter box just
in front of his house, so that he would
get it sooner"
MIGHT MAKE DIFFERENCE.
visitor-It seems to me that your
mother doesn't talk as pure English as
before she went West.
Daughter to tell you the truth,
she doesn't.
has made the differencel
DauQhter-We don't XII ow; unless it
is the new set of teeth ma gotin Detroit
"You look weawy and tiahd, Cholly."
"Yaas, nv deah boy / overwahked
myself this mahnin.
"Overworked yourself, Cholly2"
:sYaas, my deah fellah; l tied my
own duavat this mahnin. - Light.
his BIRTHDAY TOO.
Augustus (no longer the Young)-l
Well. there's one comfort; they say at |
forty man is either fool or physi-
clan.
Angelina NEARLY swallowing a yawn)
And are You a physician thenl
Augustus-No.
Angelina-Ohl
OK ACCOUNT OF HIS FAMILY.
First Juryman-It looks like pretty
clear case against the teller, that's a
fact, but / think we had better let him
ro-on account of his family.
Second Juryman-Why, the family is
Just about as no-account as he is. l
sant see where your argument comes in.
First Juryman-What mean is that
We will have to keep EN- all winter if
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25
S. aims Baby King.

The young King of Spain is growing
into fairly strong and healthy boy,
and he is enjoying his holiday sty at
Aranjuez with his mother immensely.
He is especially delighted with the
drives which he is taken by the Queen
Regent, who drives out every day in a
pony phaeton with a pair of bays, which
she manages with consummate skill.
Her royal son sits up proudly at her
side and kisses his hand to the delighted
country people with the most engaging
frankness. His Maiesty's playthings
nearly filled large luggage van when
the royal baggage was brought from
Madrid, and additions are made to the
assortment at frequent intervals.
One of his latest toys, in which he is
beginning to take great interest, was
presented to His Majesty by the officers
of the regiment Of Guards of which he
became the Colonel by right of birth.
This specially designed toy consists of
a reproduction ON 9 liliputian scale of
the 500 officers and men OF the regiment,
each diminutive soldier being an accur-
ate copy in uniform and accouhements
of the original. 1t is accompanied by a
finished model OF the barracks in which
the regiment is quartered, and there
are the bandsmen, too, each with his
own special instrument, and series of
transport wagons, ambulance carriers,
ammunition carts, etc. At present His
Majesty is only allowed TO play with his
model regiment under the direct per-
sonal supervision of Sonora de Tacon,
who is superintendent of the little
Kings household, and held the same
post when his father, Alphonso NIL,
was child Those who see most of the
young King are much struck with the
striking resemblance he bears to his
ancestor, Charles X London Figaro.
A South GEORGIA farmer says he pre-
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25
HE COULDN'T USE IT.

A stall-keeper on the central market
who had been ''stuck" with number of
green melons, plugged one yesterday,
poured pint of kerosene into the hole,
and after waiting a quarter of an hour
gave it to a colored man. The latter sat
down on box to eat it, but after re
moving the plug and taking a smell he
arose and returned the melon to the
stand.
"What's the natter" asked the donor.
Size much obleeged, but | couldn't use
it onless you frow in q chimbly an q
wick, an dat would be akin too much
of anybody. 81 Detroit Free Press.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25

THE recent death of General w. S.
Harvey leaves Hannibal Day at the heal
of the longevity list of the army. Day
but in years he followed considerably
behind General Harvey, being now in
his eighty-ffth year.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25
ROMANCE AND PROVISIONS.


As the last page of the epic lay before
him, Pieiro Flanders drew long breath
and sailed in with renewed vigor. Line
after line was reeled off until, late in
the afternoon the final stanza alone re-
manned to be written. Girding himself
for supreme effort he penned:
And at last with the jewels OF ophia
can toy; and take rest on my sofa.
Just then the landlady's voice came
rasping up the stairs.
"Mr. Flandersl Oh Mr.. Flanders.
Eggs is eggs, an money is money. If
you've got Is cents in cash, dinners
ready"
Mr.. Flanders didn't dine that night.
Thine.
WALL OF THE STANDING COLLAR.
Alas for humidity,
Lack of rightly
Under the sun.
Oh. it was pitiful,
Near whole cityful,
Not a starched onel
-[Clothier and Furnisher.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25
THE JoKERS BUDGET.
JESTs AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
The Prodigal's Return - Romance
and Provisions-No Capacity.
THE PRop1aAL's RETURN.

THE PRoDIGAL's RETURN.
Old Mr.. Stetson-You sent your little
boy over to borrow my engraving of
'aThe Prodigal SOM"
Old Mr.. Harcom-Yes, / am going to
have little celebration at the house to-
night.
"Would it be impertinent in me to
inquire what the little celebration is to
be like"
mot at all. Ny son Jim is coming
back from Oklahoma. - Time.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25

A South GEORGIA farmer says he pre-
vents his COWS from jumping a fence by
cutting off their lower eyelashes. This
makes the fence appear tobe about three
times higher than it is.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
OKLAHOMA OUTLINES.

The Methodists will build a church at
Guthrie.
The typos on the Guthrie Capital are
out on a strike
The proper abbreviation for Oklahoma
City-O. b. City.
The thermometer stood los in the shade
Sunday at Guthrie.
Wichitas William Greiffenstein is 1T
present in Oklahoma City as complaining
witness in case OF cattle stealing.
According to the News, q North Guthrie
statesman is as graceful in his move
ments as an OK team in turning 4 sharp
corner.
X. c. News: The little boys must stop
bathing in the hole near the railroad TRACK
in Guthrie when the Kansas City express
comes in, for Kansas City ladies are some
what sensitive.
Topeka Journal: Oklahoma has been
cut I'D into twelve small counties One
has been named Cleveland and Other Har-
rison. Il is 10 be hoped that no future
foolish legislature may take II into Its head
70 change the name OF Cleveland county
From a reliable source il comes TO Us
that the Frisco railway company IS max
inc every preparation 10 begin the con-
struction OF zoo miles OF roed from Scpu pa
10 Albuquerque, in the near fuiure--oA-
lahona City Journal
Guthrie Capital: Messrs. f r Tallnaa
and J. ". Reuler brought the Capital yes
teriay a stalk OF corn grown about eIzat
miles east Of Guthrie, which measured
fourteen feet and three inches IN height
AJAX carries three fine ears The corn was
oIaEred Oh the 18th dax Of MAI
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

Guthrie News: The decision of Messrs.
Ollie and Barnes was the talk of the town
yesterday. The news of tie decision spread
with increditable rapidity all over Oklaho-
ma and to say that it caused great stir is
stating it mildly. The greatest stir, how
ever, has been in the ranks Of the soon
ers" and every train and wagon brought
them into the cities in crowds. The law
yers never had more buster day with
prospective clients During the day TWEEN
ty-six contests were filed at the land Office,
the majority of which were the outcome of
the decision. 1t is expected that a great
many more viii be filed today.
One marked thing growing out of the
decision was the furry caused by the fact
that if the decision is affirmed by the
secretary of the interior, the quarter sec
ton in question is vacant. Four applica-
tons were made for filing on the land, but
they were, of course, all rejected.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

= messenger boy last week broke the
record and ran mile and half i'm eight
cen minutes. He was coached during
the entire distance, however. There was
a dog fight ut the close of the first quar-
ter, street band ut the end OF the half.
q fire engine at tho third quarter and a
circus procession at the finish, while a
woman who had n letter she wanted him
way. You can get az awful burst Of
speed out Of these fellows If you know
low to work it.-Burdetto in Brooklyn
Tagle.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
The Bible and Astronomy.

VIM. Jordan in Pasadena Union.
\ few calculations in astronomy will
prove the account given in the Bible of
the creation of the world; at least the
beginning Of time. 1t appears 1923
years previous to the year 1900, the Ion
gitude of the Apehelion was nothing. and
consequently the line of the Apsides then
conceded with the line of the eGuinoxes.
Ii appears that about that period time
began-at least as we measure it. By
the present formula we measure time by
the movement of our earth and other
bodies IN our solar ystem III their orbits
III space around the sun. l will here
also state that 1t can be proved by phy8-
zeal astronomy that our present oceans
and seas at an early period formed ring
around our earth at distance of about
L 600 miles from the earth's center.
and, perhaps, extended 70 the moons
OF BIT around the earth This fluid ring
has fallen on the earth, and at the pres
ent time forms our oceans. seas and
rivers Genesis states: And God said.
let there be 3 armament in the midst of
the waters: and let il divide the waters
from the waters. Now Jupiter's belts
and Saturn's ring are precisely similar
10 the ring formed by the waters around
our earth IN far back period. Then
here are two cases where astronomy
tends TO prove the records given in the
Bible as regards the creation Of the
world. Can those that disbeileve the
Bible prove anything 10 the contrary TO
this statement.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

\ desire 10 see more closely the man
who has given us such pleasure Is natural
and excusable. So much may be urged
in excuse for the numbers that often be
siege the stage door Of the Lyceum. their
object being a nearer sight and perhaps
q word from tho hero or heroine Of the
evening.
"Ob, Miss Terry, it is 50 kind Of you to
speak to US. We do admire you 50. We
have been waiting so long. When do
you think that Mr Irving Il likely 10
leave the theatre
THAT is more than can say. don't
think he has begun his supper yet.
"Oh. DO tell us what he has for sup
PERI said shriu voice.
well" said naughty Miss Terry, very
gravely, "let me see. To-night-well,
tonight, think It Is tripo and onions"
Tripe and onions! Charles ]. after his
pathetic parting with his childrcn-wheri
tears courscd each other down his face
eating tripe and onions.-Frith's Remi-
niscence5.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
A Few Mornents of Bed.

It is often necessary TO remain in the
kitchen all the while tho meal is being
cooked, even after everything has been
prepared. While the meat Is roasting
and the vegetables arc boiling. If q few
magazines or fresh newspapers are kept
In convenient place, and a comfortable
rocking chair ia placed By pleasant
window, the housekeeper can enjoy &
few moments CT reading and rest while
she attends TO the various things which
are cooking.-Eerald Of Health
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
A SHORT SERMON ON LIQUOR.

4 Wichita jury is sometimes remark
! ably candid. The body of Charles Bieler
| was found IN a slaughter house in that city
! yesterday morning and the jury found that
! he ''came to his death from heart failure
produced by excessive use of bad whisky. F"
State Journal.
! A candid statement of fact, when a
! statement is given for fact, is one Of the
most marked characteristics of the aver
age Wichitan. Speaking of whisky, did
you ever think what a peculiar COM
modify it is, or rather the peculiarly of
its different effects on different persons?
Doctors sometimes prescribe it to acceler-
ate the action of the sheart and, they
claim with satisfactory results. Whether
poor Bieler took the potion that sue
ceeded too well as a prescribed remedy
will probably never be known. Then
we see men drink it in hot weather to
cool them off-upon the counter irritant
or stimuiant theory, it is supposed. Like
wise, or rather per contra, men drink it
in cold weather to keep them warm, and
from the quantity some take for this al
legged one would conclude that the vic
tim was born in the tropics Or else i'm
agined himself in the arctic regions.
Then, again, men of means Though
such cases are rare, very rare eXcep-
tions) drink it as an agreeable method of
keeping up the volume of currency in
circulation, and with the patriotic de-
sire to aid the government to liquid-ate
its debt as expeditiously as possible,
thro' the internal revenue bureau. Still
others quaff 1t al libitum to assuage the
anguish produced by business reverses,
or to soothe domestic troubles, or nerve
them to meet an enemy IN a dignified
and manly way to obtain redress for an
injury done, real or imaginary, more fire.
quently the latter.
Oh, its prolific theme to descant up
on and sometime when twill not belnec-
essary to follow the example of the first
character named in order to pursue it
further we may take up the end of the
tangled thread and unwind some more.
Until then, here's to you.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
THE NEW FREIGHT ROUTE EAST.
Lake Sabine, Texas, is coming to til

Lake Sabine, Texas, is coming to the
fore quite rapidly and with substantial
showing as a deep water harbor. On
the 10Th of July, the Levanter, 900 tons.
Captain Parry, from New York, loaded
with rock, was laying out at the end Of
the east jetty, down the pass connecting
the lake with the gulf, drawing seven
teen feet, yet the lead line drew only
twelve feet Of water, proving beyond
doubt that the bottom of the bar is soft
mud, and consequently easily removed.
The soundings reported on the Goth were
taken without any specific course as to
channel or deep water, at low mean tide.
The tide averages from eighteen to thirty
inches rise.
1t is claimed that the flow is sufficient
to keep the channel of the pass
secured and clear Of sediment, once the
necessary depth is secured, which viii
be done very readily with the system of
jetties now going in there, aided by an
inconsiderable amount of dredging.
The outlook for ample harbor facilities
on the western gulf coast to accommo-
date the demands of commerce in the
west are very fattering, which is particu-
larly gratifying to Kansas. 1t is not i'm
probable that the success attending the
efforts to establish new line of traffic to
the east by the gulf route has had some
thing to with bringing about the propos-
ed railroad trust or combine just now
being talked about between the trunk
lines east of the Mississippi river. How
ever this may be there is no question
about the immense saving in freights to
the west the deep harbor enterprises on
the Texas gulf coast will effect. What
pity it is that this could not have been
accomplished this season.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
NEW HEALTH AND PLEASURE RE.
SORT.

\ new health and pleasure resort has
been added to the list Of such places in
this state and will be formally opened to
the public by the completion of the
Marion Belt railroad on the goth inst.
Chingawasa Springs, five miles from
Marien. have had local celebrity for sew
eral years, but not until recently has
any attempt been made TO bring them
into public note as a pleasure resort.
Besides the wonderful curative prom
critics Of the mineral waters Of
the springs. which are recommend
ed for many human ailments.
the grounds surrounding have been laid
out and improved and beautified as a
public park, which for attractiveness in
its appointments and surroundings is
claimed to be equal TO the most noted of
the west. The completion of the new
Belt line renders the springs easy of &C
cess, and the proprietors have arranged
a series of excursions thereto for the
summer over the various roads with
winch immediate connections ara made.
Tie date fixed for the excursion from
Wichita, VIA the Santa Re. Is August Is.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

The story of the massacre of American
missionaries in Cora by the heather ma
tives seemed 20 be from areliable source,
though the absence of any such informa-
ton by the government from its repre-
sentative in the vicinity of the alleged
outrage gives room to hope that there is
some mistake about the reported incl
dent. 1t surely cannot be that these
wears of missionary effort that has been
crowned with no little success has. been
so much labor and sacrifice expended
for naught. Still it is an admitted fact
that notwithstanding the progress made
in that quarter, the work of evangeliza-
ton has met with more persistent de
termined opposition there than any
where else in the field OF missionary
effort.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
EXCHANGE SHOTS
An American Weakness.

&C hisca Cnan7,cz-
The adJutant general Of Kansas has
the military rank, as the law specifically
states. Of colonel. SEINE Of cur er-
changes. in referring 20 Colonel A. y.
Campbell. give him the title Of general.
He was. as the law creating the otfife
says, ''sdiutant-generai with the rank q
colonel. And. hv the way, tbs Ta..us-
papers are generally guilty o: q solecisua
when they give the title Of genera" 70
civil officers filing TIE position CT AZ
toTusy suryeyor-geEegal- etc.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

First Deacon-Have you ever hearu
the Rev. Mr.. Goodman, who exchanges
pulpits with our pastor today1
Second Deacon-Eo.
First Deacon--Well, / have. / think.
Brother Passbasket. we'd better vary our
regular custom this morning and take
up the collection before the Sermon
Chicago Tribune.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

Senator Ingalls, is credited with say
ing that L. j. Perry, recently appointed
to position in connection with the pub
cation of the official records of the rebel
lion should not be described as of Kan
sas. He left the state and returned to
Wisconsin several years ago. where he
has been engaged in mining in the iron
region unsuccessfully. ..He is a citizen of
Wisconsin, should be credited to that
state and owes his place to Senators
Sawyer and Spooner. The EAGLE noted
the incident with some misgivings as to
the location Of the fortunate in question,
for the reason that bespoke an unexpect-
ed change in the policy of the powers
that be in regard to Kansas claims c,
thereupon. In view of these facts the
EAGLE gives our senior senator the bene-
fit of the foregoing correction with pleas
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

Whatever may be said in defence Of
tase ball as an innocent Sunday amuse-
ment for those who are debarred from
all sport during the working days by
reason of the exactions of circumstances
ami necessity, fatal quarrels between
the players, such as is reported to have
occurred at Greensboro, KY, last Sun
day, will not serve to weaken the attacks
of Sabbatarians upon all dissertations of
the Lords daY.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

Massachusetts has borrowed 81, 800, 900
at rates of interest averaging 1862 1-2 per
cent. Quite an advantageous rate to be
sure, but the transaction naturally sug-
gests the query of what is an old and
wealthy community like Massachusetts
doing that she needs to borrow any sum
of money? In the absence of any extern
sive public enterprise on hand such an
extraordinary financial condition sounds
queer at this distance.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

The late Attorney General Bradford,
Web Wilder, w. w Guthrie and other
gentlemen who have occupied such
civil offices as those mentioned above,
are no more entitled to be called gen
eral' than is man who acts as judge of
an agricultural horse trot TO the title of
fudge"
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

Since Boulanger is under the ban OF
the French government and an exile
therefrom, it would seem, from an
American standpoint, that the line of
policy pursued 10y that government to-
wards the doughty exile cannot but have
the contrary effect upon the people to
that intended and desired; that is, in
stead of destroying his influence it Will
but augment it. Ii partakes of the
nature of persecution, and that never
fails TO react in favor of the prosecuted.
The pending elections. while the result
may not be of any immediate political
benefit to Boulanger, Will no doubt con-
tain some valuable pointers for the
future, for the government rs well as
for that chief and his adherents.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
historical

Mr.. Gould says he don't want any
more railroads at present, and his word
may be relied on. But then Mr.. Gould
IS in the railroad business exclusively, he
says, and it is not expected that he would
let snap go untaken. 1t wouldn't be
business, and that is the sort Of a man
Mr.. Gould is.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

The Wilkins-Tourlot case at Kansas
City, Kan, that has just been appealed
to the United States supreme court,
promises to rival in interest and contin-
uity the Maxwell, Gaines, Breckenridge
and other land cases that have become
historical
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

From its uniform success in its suits
with rivals it seems that the Bell Tele-
phone company has a pretty effectual
cinch on patents covering that important
Invention. Corporations are but aggre-
cations Of individuals and the outcrop-
pings of human nature are no more sur
prising in one case than the other-self
interest is the first and strongest prompt
ing to action with all. However, it
stands the big Bell monopoly in hand to
make the most it can out of its franchise
during the few remaining years over
which it extends. Its letters will not be
renewed
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

Speaking OF the weather, that ever
present and inexhaustible theme of dis
cussion, the variety we have had in this
section the past week has been remark
able. From the hottest of the season
Sunday and Monday the weather, in
Guiding all its conditions, suddenly made
a leap backwards, so to speak, and
dropped us where we were three months
ago. As to temperature the change is a
most pleasant surcease from that of the
two days named, only little more sun
shine would inspire more a cheerful
spirit than has pervaded the common
veal for two or three days past.
But it has been making filling for the
granaries and siloS by the ton.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26

The big railroad trust frequently men
toned in the dispatches the past few
days. don't seem to materialize with the
eclat that was at first claimed it would
by its champions. The perturbed condi-
tian of railroad interests in the west was
relied upon in no small degree to further
the scheme, but in this the schemers
made a miss cue. There seems to be an
uncomfortable tendency in the opposite
direction among the roads Of the west.
Wichita eagle., 1889-07-26
Great Bargains in Hosiery.

regular S Oc and 45c viii
children
slaughtered
n world for Scents
fancyb