Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-07-04
A BAD Hal F-DOLLAR,
The Story of Its Wanderings During an
Existence of Three Years.

/ my own existence | was in a wooden
| box with number of other pieces, all
| OF the same denomination as myself
! Our number was constantly increasing
| as the cover of the box raised at short
! intervals and a grimy-faced man,
wearing a linen apron, threw in a
score or so of similar illegal tenders,
! but | had no idea that | was spurious
and was quite unaware that my
| mother was a soft leaden pipe and nv
| father hard tin-kettle. | knew that
! l was very bright, but so were the
| other coins that were poured in hot
! upon me, but | believed that | was
worth half dollar, as my face repre-
scented, and | am sure that my COM
| panions were as guileless as l was.
| Generally we were lifted from the
| box in patches and carried away for
| distribution, but | was taken out alone
/ one night because the man with the
| grimy face and linen apron wanted a
! Yarmouth bloater and a pint of beer
for his supper. He bought the bloater
| first, | suppose because the old woman
| who owned the huckster's shop was
more easily deceived in the matter of
! bad coins than the bartender. He had
no trouble in passing me, for the old
woman was half blind and wholly
! stupid. She gave him the change and
! dropped me into the drawer.
[ laughed as l fell. for, like all
! bright young things, l was pleased
with my change of quarters. The
ring of my laughter evidently startled
the other coins around me. They drew
away from me and whispered together.
! | could hear the subdued tones of their
voices, and it struck me at the time as
little strange that they were not in
the least like my tones. Still | had
no suspicion that was a counterfeit.
was so very glossy and brilliant that
| fancied the glory of my appearance
! had embarrassed my new companions,
all of whom were of comparatively
| ancient date and some very much
worn.
II will show them," thought, s'that
| am a democratic coin," and I rubbed
in friendly way against a dull old
quarter with hole in its breast and
its milling by long handling rubbed
nearly smooth. But the mutilated
! coin did not meet my advance in
kindly spirit. 1t recoiled from me
! and, addressing me in severe but sill
very accents from the opposite side of
the drawer, said: Excuse me, sir.
| There can be no bond of sympathy be-
tween you and me. | am worth nv
weight in the mint at all events, but
you are not worth the trouble of
weighing" and then | learned for the
first time that [ was composed of a
/ hac VT nf N
laughed again.
The next morning when the old wo-
man tried to pay the milkman with me
she found that she had taken a bad
coin She was very much distressed,
! but though poor she was pious, and
she asked the parsOn what she ought
| to do with me.
mail 1t to your counter" said the
! minister, with uncompromising hon
esty, and | shuddered as | heard him.
A counterfeit 50-cent piece with hole
through it is a worthless coin indeed.
The old woman could not persuade her.
self to take the clergyman's advice at
once. She left me lie in her pocket
for couple of days and slowly arriv-
ed at the conclusion that | was not SO
bad as looked, and in this belief she
dropped me into the poor plate on
/ Sunday after listening to an impress
sive charity sermon from the eloquent
minister who had told her to nail me
to the counter.
The deacons discovered MY worth
less character at once. They were all
just and kindly men. They had no
wish to give me to those in need of
charitable assistance, but they did not
| think there would be any harm in
paying the pastors salary with me
and | was soon in the ministerial
purse.
/ My new owner was greatly surpris-
! ed and little ashamed, too, when the
| young man in the drug store handed
me back to him after he had offered
me in payment for glass of soda
water. The effervescing beverage
was gone. and he had no more money
! in his pockets, for he was not a we'll
| paid preacher. The situation was en-
! barrasSng, but the young tradesman
! obligingly said that any time would do
! for a settlement. As soon as he was
on the road that led to the parsonage,
which was a short distance from the
~
me into dry ditch, and | supposed
| my current career was over. | was
! mistaken, however. The good man
soon returned, searched for me, and
! picked me up.
perhaps the drug clerk was mis-
TAKEN" was his muttered comment as
, he wiped me with his handkerchief
and put me into his pocket. 1.-The coin
| may be good. after all. 1t looks bright
enough" which / certainly did-far
| too bright to be genuine. The preacher
carried me about with him for some
days. He had known very we'll what
the old woman's duty was, but he was
not quite so sure about his own.
Sometimes when he looked at me he
| said TO himself, "Oh, it's all right"
and on other occasions he modify ex-
amined me and muttered, Its surely
, a counterfeit, and poor one, too"
Whenever he ratified me on the table
! he knew | was bad, and then | feared
that he would nail me up somewhere
or throw me away, but he didn't. He
gradually gave up rafting me, and
once, when he had decided that was
good, he went to bible store, walk
ing hastily lest his mind should change,
and bought tracts with me. He must
have speedily repented his action, for
dull but genuine dime that lay in
the booksellers drawer, with whom,
strangely enough. afterward came
into contact for the second time, told
me that half an hour later he returned
and tried to get me back, but l had
been given as change to an old lady