Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-07-25
SCIENCE ALWAYS READY.

SCIENCE ALWAYS READY.
Caller-Doctor, Mr.. Divine, themusclt
reader, fell into sort of trance little
while ago and we cannot arouse him.
Is it catalepsy or deaths
Doctor "a great scientist)-Bring me
his head and I'll soon tell you New
York Weekly.
CORRECTLY NAMED.
Ida-Mamma, why do they call those
things dog carts
Mamma-Because, dear, so many pup
pies ride in them. = Time.
SAFE FROM EXPOSURE.
81 am from st. Louis, said young
man, as he registered at Chicago hotel
"Oh, we'll, replied the clerk, compass
sionately, put your address down as
New York. Your awful secret will be
safe with me. 81 Bazaar.
STRANGE SOUNDS IN THE ACKNOWLEDGES.
Miss Boston-Papa, I find our Pro
lessor of Pathology very interesting.
Mr.. Boston Our what?
Miss Boston-Our Professor OF Path
ology our guide, you know
SHE WAS INEXPERIENCED.
Young Wife, don't see why / can't
get plain cook. I've advertised for
one for a week.
Experienced Matron--Supposey you adj
vertise for good-looking one.-L Bazaar.
uNwFIcoMF.
Peddler-Beg pardon, ma'am, but 1
am agent for Doctor Feeders Spice Root
Bitters, and I'm sure if the members Of
your family would try them they would
soon have the finest appetites
Lady at Door (severely)-This, sir, is
boarding-house.-[New York Weekly.
PERTINENT QUERY.
Parent-What would you charge me
TO put my boy through your college2
Professor 81, 900.
Parent-Do you charge anything extra
for teaching reading and writing, more
than you do where they just take boat
ing and BASEBALL Omaha World.
RATIFIED.
Bloodgood-Peasley seems to me ex-
cessiyely polite don't you think soG
Poseyboy-I hadn't noticed it,
Bloodgood-Why, yesterday / had the
misfortune to knock his hat off, and he
said, "Excuse me Burlington Free
Press.
BAD soRAPE.
Customer Ito barber) Have you heard
of the bad scrape young Brown got into
yesterday
Barber Why, no, sir, Who shaved
him p Mobile (Ala) Register.
IT WAS ALL THERE.
"That was a fine speech Of yours,
Fangle, but there was one quotation
that mystifies me-"
(Which was that, Cumso2"
"You said: In the words OF Webster,
etc. Where did you get that 1t is not
in my edition of his works"
"I got those words, out of the Un-
abridged Dictionary, my friend"
NO ONE LIVED THERE.
. Book Agent-Can you tell me, sir,
who lives in this house,
Buggins (who is standing outside his
boarding house door)-No one lives in
the house, my friend; but number of
poor creatures, including myself, drag
out miserable existence within its
walls.
A HARD PLACE.
Cowboy (Arizona)-I'm going TO New
York next month, and hear it is hard
town. Had | better fetch my gun along
fur self-pertecksunl
''No. But You might bring some
wire fence, TO circumscribe yourself
withal, lest the street urchins make a
circus parade OF you.-- brakes
NO DANGER OF INTERFERENCE.
First Burglar (whispering)-Histl /
hear step on the sidewalk in front,
Bill. Is the coast clearl
Second Burglar listening a moment)
Its too brisk a step for a policeman,
Jake. Up with that window.-[C Chicago
Tribune.
HIS UNLUCKY DAY.
FRIDAY may be an unlucky day for
some people, but Thursday is mine.
That's the day on which / proposed"
80, yes; and the girl rejected you.
see."
"No; she accepted me-.