Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-12-25
HUMOROUS BITS.

HUMOROUS BITS.
A wA1F is astray. and astray is a waif
from home.-Plcayune.
The natives of Alaska are a cold and
distant people.-Philadetph Inquirer.
IT isn't the ''ifs" ofllfe that worry the
cutters searching gamin. It's the butts.
Merchant Traveller.
MANY man has cast a shadow on his
life by standing in his own light.-Phll-
adelphia Inquirer.
JAY GoULD's book will be full of quo
tations, gilt-edged, wide margin, and
full bound in lamb.-Life.
THE dressed beef magnates refuse to
tell the Senate committee the secret Of
their business.-L0aUeU Courier.
THE railroad engineer may not have
much style about him. but wealth and
fashion follow in his train. PUCK.
Now that there are forty two stars on
the American flag the Union ought to 90
ahead at a 2:40 gait.-Ioronto Globe.
IT is odd how often brave man will
face a thing alter he has refused to
countenance it?-Bahimore American.
THE ball season is here again and sad
to say many man who goes to ball
gets on bat before it is over.
Mr.. S1LCoTr is not sailor. but he is
the skipper OF the House just the
same Washington Capital.
A sH oRT acquaintance-the man who
is always wanting to borrow money
Burlington Free Press.
WIFE-''The nights are getting longer
now % Husband-"Yes (hlc), tha'sh
what made me SO late. "-Munsey's
Weekly.
"SAND is a great thing in business. !"
CHATS so. But house founded on the
sand doesn't stay up long" -Harper's
Bazaar.
W1FE-"I believe you only married
me for my money" Husband-"Ev-
erybody else thinks the same thing. y
Epoch.
The man who doesn't know where his
next dollar is to come from always
sends it where his last went-Philddel-
pllia Times.
FIRST MoTH-"Are you there, neigh
Dor ?" Second Moth-"Yes; how do l
look in this new dress suit ?''- Yonkers
Statesman.
.FANGLE-"I feel sleepy" Mrs. Fan.
gle-."4ou nearly always do" Fangle-
Eyes; | have quite napetite. - eno-
WbTLC 5 1SCtCS.
OUTWARD sIeNs.-"I'll wager that man
Is liquor dealer" "What makes you
think so p "He has a perfect gin
phiz. "-Judge.
Poor people with too many naughty
boys in their families should send some
OF them to a nautical school.-New Or
leans Picayune.
THE editor of the Philadelphia In
quirer must be very wealthy. He asks
his subscribers advice on "Shall we
buy Cuba ?"-Pihsburg Chronicle.
SOME one writes, "Who is Browning,
the poet ?" We don't know who is
browning the poet, but the critic is fire.
quently roasting him. -Teras Syt.ngs.
ARTISTS of late, with judgment narrow,
Arm Cupid with bow and arrow.
When it would be great deal cutter
To load him with q seyen-shooter.
THE way to keep husband home
evenings is to give him the baby to
hOldlust for minute, then skip out and
go over to mothers and spend the even
ing.
MASTER onfound it, sir, do YOU
think Pm tool?" New Butler
''Beggin' your pardon, sir, amt been
here long enough to find out p
1id-BIs.
"GoT long letter from your girl, I
see." emo; only half sheet" "Why,
it looks like dozen at least. What are
all those sheets in your hand ?'' "Post-
script" -Ltfe.
THE urchin who sees the legend
Paint
Can never pass it by
Without putting out his fingers
To see II the paint is dry.
IfNIIRETY STOpY-(1azzor- roc q
very improbable story from Philadel-
phia." Larkin-"What is it ?" Gaz-
zam-'That man is running for office
there. Life.
Il DON'T see how Jones has ever made
such success" said one of his friends
to another. "He never says anything"
"Maybe that's the reason" was the re-
ply.-SonaerUiile Journal.
ADVOCATING THE THRoNE.-Mrs. Upton
Flatte-"Why do you cry, cook pr
Bridget (about to be rried)-"It's
mesilf that'll soon be no betther off
than the rest of yez." -Puck.
''YEs, dear. the captain of vessel
sometimes stands on tack, but he
doesn't tear around and say naughty
words and do war dance that would
make Choctaw blush. Philadelphia
Inquirer.
NECESSITY is the mother of invention.
These patent, self-applying buttons
would have never been invented If
women would have remained content to
stay at home and do the sewing.-Terre
Haaae Express.
GREEN currants are pronounced in
furious to health, but they are not half
as dangerous as electric currents. The
former give the victim time to say his
prayers and send for doctor.-Norrts-
tom Herald.
Joking With Sea-Gulls
Sea birds are always interesting OBJ