News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-06-27

TOnl is late UO-nlBEt.
Mr.. Manabouttown (envious guest)--
Perhaps his monkey is sick. New York
Weekly.
THE ONLY CURE.
Glove is tender thing,
Thus all the poets sing;
So when YOU feel you re hit
Go straight and tender it.
-[Somerville Journal.
NATIONAL PBIDE RAMPANT.
Frenchman (prclly)-You have not
in re German E,ssNsv anything so tall
as re great Eiffel Tower.
German (indignantly)-No, und you
don't got holdings Sc. sthoud like Linn
burger cheese!-l Jewellers Weekly.
THE PROPER SHADE.
Blind Man Ito tailorl--I am looking
for something for q suit.
Tailor-Yes, sir. What color would
you prefer?
"Well, L should say blind-man' s
buff would be as appropriate as any
thing. ~ Boston Herald.
HAD ALL HE WANTED.
StOp ulO-
ment. That's fearful cold you have
Are you taking anything for it ?
(Hurrying on) Not in the shape of
advice, Killordan.- Chicago Tribune.
THE MILLER's wooINe.
Love me little, love me bng,"
Sang the dusty miller
TO his wheat art, and his song
Did maize and thrill her
IBID me barley hope; oh give
Me one grain of comfort
would oat on thee andlive.
Holding on to some fort.
ain you ryes now love-boks shine,
There lies cereal pleasure.
Oh homny Joys are mine,
Filling up my measure.
Came the maiden's co,n-ful laugh
At the miller's fawnng
'You can't winnow girl with chaf-
"Sir! to you, good morning"
A DOUBLE BLOW.
''I will ask you to state" said the
lawyer, 'swhetler yd have any other
children than this young man now on
trial for steahng?"
"Your Honor" exclaimed the wit
ness, appealing 10 the Judge, ''do 1
have to answer that question !"
81 see no reason why you should
not, answered the Judge. ''You may
answer it. "
81 have one other child, but had
hoped it would notbe necessary to speak
of her. She turned out badly" faltcred
the witness. ''Shc married an English
nobleman. y Chicago Tribune.
NOT THE LIGHTNING CALCULATOR.
Jones, who was an everlasting tnlser.
was recently invcigled into betting two
dollars that he could not keep ms tongue
still two hours.
Forty minutes Ind scarcely elapsed
when Jones shouted out in great glec,
"Three cheers The times half up"
AN ATTEMPT AT RESCUE.
He (soon to sail)-I shall have COM
Portable nights anyway. l am to be III
the aft saloon.
She (who has been reading "The In
fuence of the Saloon in Politics )-Oh,
John! Remember, for my sake, this Is
a business trip.-[Life.
MY SHIP.
She fell in love with the barbor bnoy;
She couldn't have loved him more
Yet one day jealousy spoilt their JOY
He caught her hugging the shore!
They fixed it mp in the good old way,
As you can determine with ease,
For her captain wrote me the other day:
she's enjoying a smacking breeze
-[Brunonian.
HARD HEART soFTENED.
Young Lady-Father, this is scandal
Gus The idea Of O man of your stand
ing coming home in this condition
Old Gentleman Couldn't (hicl help
it, m dear. Met zee young feller |
wouldn't let you marry, an (hic) had
some drinks wiz him, and hos such
good feller 1 said he (hic) could marry
you right off, M dear.
Mercy Where is hel'
Dunno. M dear. P'liceman took
i'm off (hic) in wheelbarrow. New
York Weekly.
TO PARIS FOR TIE HONEYMOON.
Angelina-At last we are together
my Edwin. Do get my feather rug
from the stateroom. You dearl you
think of everything.
Edwln-Wbat would not 90 tor you'
Angelina, my sweet wife
Angelina Nothing shall como De-
tween us now, Edwin.
Edwin-My cup is flowing oVer'
darling.
Angelina-So, dear. is-Oh. Edwin!
fetch me basin right away.-Iown
Topics.