The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-12-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

4 5OIt5O.
Woman was made after man, but
man has been after woman ever since
Boston Transcript.
In the national flower discussion the
marry-gold and the toddy blossom have
been grossly neglected--Itme.
Charity begins at tome said the
poor-house keeper. as he headed the
first page in a new account book
LIE.
As rule it is not wise to tell all one
knows, though it is always highly ex-
pedient to know all one tells.-Ir0y
Times.
Virtue wants more admirers, wisdom
more supplicants, truth more real
friends, and honesty more practitlon-
ers.-Rochester Budget.
1t is not enough to be ready to go
where duty calls. A man should stay
around where he can hear the CALL
Neeo Orleans Picayune.
The course of true love is too rough
to run smooth when it comes to muddy
coffee and heavy biscuit-there's a
damn at that point Ocean.
The human race is a great one, :"
said he Yes" said the widow to
whom he was engaged; Il am now on
the second lap. Y. Sun.
When electricity is employed to exc
cute condemned criminals we shall
doubtless see headline like this: He
Voted into Eternity. y Teras Sytings.
A woman who favors equal suffrage
wants to know if it is crime to be q
woman. No, but it is not manly. We
will say no more.-B0StOn Transcript.
Briggs What would you consider
an ideal marriage?" Mr.. n. Peck
"One where the wife is dumb and the
husband blind. "-1erre Haute Express.
Fashionmakers are the only ones
who are not afraid of the signs of APP
preaching age. They are always try
ing to get up some new wrinkle
Teas Sytings.
Tramp-"Could you give me little
to eat, MADAME Madam-''O, how
lucky! The cooking club has just gone,
and you can eat all" But the tramp
had 1ied.-N. Y. San.
Customer (finishing his hash) =
"Check, waiter Waiter (who forgot
what the order was)-"What did you
have, sir? ''Customer-'I haven't the
slightest idea. N Y San.
Irate German (to stranger who had
stepped on his toe)-'Gott in himmel!
Mine trent, | know mine feet vas ment
to pc walked on, but dot briviledge Pc
longs to me. "-Iate Record
Il see it stated" remarked Gazzam,
that divorces and elopements are I'M
known in China" 'IndeedI' replied
Fangle. Then where does China get
its stage-elevating actresses?"- Time.
1t is not generally the girl with the
most beauX who gets married first. 1t
is the little, grave, demure girl who
sits in the corner with one young man
and hangs on to him. !S0DlerUitie Jour-.
nal.
Salesman-''That piece of goods will
work up in serviceable dress if YOU
don't think the pattern is too loud"
Purchaser-''O, not at all. The lady
I'm buying it for is Il deaf mute. -
Binghanaton Leoder.
Stingy Employer = What! Want
more pay? John Jacob Astor began
work on a salary of s. week and he
died worth $40, 900, OO0n Store Boy
Eyes, sir. There's big difference ia
bosses. IN. Y. Weekly.
Jennie, my dear, how is it
you always ride home? 1t is a bad
habit to get into Jennie-''Why.
father, | see in the Fashion RecieU that
the riding habit is quite the thing this
season!'-Bosto@ Herald.
Quevido-" Shakespeare must have
suffered from cigarettes Curtis
why, what do you mcan?' Quevido
Don't you remember where he
says, the otfense is rank and smells to
heaven? "-PhiiGde{phia Inquirer.
He-'You've got the paper, haven't
you? Look at the account of the foot
ball match and see if there was any
thing remarkable about the game
She CATER an intervaD- well, yes.
Nobody was killed. "-Boston Times.
Carrie Yonne-''Unless she fears
that he's after her money / can't under
stand why Miss Oldsome treats our
Jack so coollyn Jessie Bell-"Her
age explains it. Thirty-two is the
freezing point, you know" -Boston
Times.
In the back parlor, before supper:
Carries coming-out is sue
cess, james, Father (disgustedly)-
Yes. indeed! There she stands. Look
at her! Could any one ask for any
more OF her to come t?"-B0StoR
Times
Squibs you often afflicted with
writer's cramp?" Penn Ga poeD Yes.
L have it constantly" Squibs-.'I
makes your hand ache, doesn't it?n
Penn-''It never takes me in the hand !;
it's always in the pocketbook. "-La,0-
renee american.
jake tell you what, Bob, Stevens
must be getting rich. Bob-.'You
don't say. What business is he imp
Jake-''He's in the trunk business But
he has ten sons, and they're all. bag
gage men on the Crescent railroad. ~
Harper's Bdzdr.
The Barbed Wire Fence Trust is to
put up the price of wire with the
fences. No trust was ever invented
for the benefit of the farmer; not even
VIZ u uot nc ID given 1T INC Village
store, where the bad liquor is sold.-
Aeao Orleans Picdyuae.
Artist Won Brush (rapturouslv)-
''W hat picture is yonder town, suf-
fused in the lurid light of the setting
sun! All, the sun is a great painter y
Jagley-''No, morn | am. I've paint
ed that town (hic) red hun'r'd times
myself!'-Ieras Sytings.
Summer Beile-'.That Mr. Spry ont
there in that rowboat is one of the
most learned men | ever met, | won
der what college he graduated from. y
COLLEGE Graduate (contemptuously)-
Huh. He's no college man. Look at
his stroke. ~ ]. HesiLy.
Miss Antique (displeased with her
photographs -''This, sir, is the fourth
sitting I've give you, and the picture is
even worse than the first" Photo
grapher-"Ye miss. The last sitting
was month after the first and YOU
were a month older, you know.n-N
I. IFeek{y.