davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-06-13
PlTli AND POINT.


When we have gold we are III
fear. when we have none we are IN
danger.
-Flattery Is sort Of bad money To
which our vanity gives currency
Locke
Give work rather than aims to thu
poor. The former drives out indo-
lence. the latter industry. Burke.
The three essentials to human
happiness are something to do. some
thing to love and something to hope
for.
A man is judged by his success in
life, and his success is often measured
by the amount of money he has -
Texas Siftings
The church belle in the choir
often brings more people to church
than the bell in the steeple. Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Fools with bookish knowledge are
children with edged weapons; they
hurt themselves, and put others in
pain. The half-learned is more dan
gerous than the simpleton.-Zimmer-
man.
"A boy who won't take as big bite
as he can from another boys apple is
Disgusting his real feeling and should
be narrowly watched, lest he might
make a sudden grab and run of with
the whole. Hebrew.
Whatever mitigates the woes or
increases the happiness Of others is n
SEQ ~f - 1pNex
should not quarrel without a reason
sufficient to vindicate one through all
the courts of morality.
However good you may be, You
have faults; however dull you may be,
you can find out what some of them
are; and. however slight they may be.
you had better make some-not too.
painful. but patient-efforts to get quit
of them.-John Ruskin.
Thou mayst be sure that he that
will in private tell thee of thy faults is
thy friend, for he adventures thy dis
like, and doth hazard thy hatred; for
there are few men that can endure it,
every man for the most part delighting
in self-praise, which is one of the most
universal follies that bewitcheth man
kind.-Sir w. Raleigh.
There is nothing which more exc
| asperates an opposer of good man.
than that silence which grows out of a
recognition of the fact that it is use
less to discuss with one who does not
| want to be fair. He who is unjust in
his words and ways feels the sting of
sef-possessed silence on the part of
him whom he is ill-treating. IS. s.
Times.
To marry for money, and for any
object whatever save and except i'm
mortal and all-powerful love, is to per-
jure and debase the human heart; but
to marry without some provision for
the future, such as money or moneys
worth in a well-furnished mind and
capacity for skilled labor, is to defy
common sense and invoke the evil
fates.-Once a Week.
We are most inclined to love when
| we have nothing to fear. and he that
encourages us to please ourselves, will
not be log without preference in our
| affection to those whose learning holds
us at the distance Of pupils. or whose
wit calls all attention from US and
leaves us without Importance and with
| out regard,-Dr johnson.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-06-13

Several Caro- (Mich.) gentlemen
recently saw large rat carry hens
egg on its back. They say that i
twisted its tail around the egg and
carried it safely until it was hit with .
stone.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-06-13
IN TROUBLE AGAIN.

Carl Dunder Tells Some Good Jokes on
Several People.
whats the matter with you r.
asked Sergeant Bendall yesterday as
Carl Dunder entered the Woodbridge
Street station with grin on his face.
MAY pc vhas green like some
grass, eh?1 chuckeled the old man In
reply.
II have often said So"
..Und doan' come in der house when
he rains. may PEP"
We'll, what is it?"
81 beat a schwindler py his own
game-ha! ha! har'
sit isn't possible"
Yes. she vhas, Sergeant You vhaa
always down on me. You pellet I
vhas an idiot, you speak dot 1 ought
to hat some guardians oafer me. und
you make me feel bad. However, 1
show you dot vhas no childrens. I
goes down Ply der Third Street depot
yesterday. to wait for dot Toledo train,
und pooty soon stranger comes opp
to me und says:
'''Hello! Smith, how you vhas?'
81 i vhas all right.
'''How vhas farming this year?'
"'Werry good
''Vhas your wheat and hogs and
turnips all right?'
'''She vhas.'
How vhas all der folks in Po-
dunke'
"sAll WE'LL
"'Dot vhas good. Say, Smith, I like
to use $40 right AWAY. Here vhas a
$40 check on der bank oop town. Git
me der $40 and take der check, und
/ meet you at der bank in an hour"
'And you gave him the money!"
eyes"
t'And took the check?"
"Of course"
s.And I'll bet ten to one the check
is worthless"
''Vhell, dots What der CASH er said. -"
''Well, you are an idiot!'
Say, Sergeant. dom you see some
SMOKES in dot?"
''No, don't!~
''Vhell, you must be IDIOTS, too Dot
man dakes me for farmer named
Smith, und vhas Carl Dunder all der
while-ha! ha! ha! Now you see der
point
Eyes. but you are $40 out"
$50 l vhas-so / vhas. doan' see
dot pefore."
'tAny one else take you for Smithp''
''Vhell, not exactly, but vhas oop
to some snuff NIT a plackleg who
WANTS to beat me-"
'.I'll bet he got the best of YOU"
. II bet you SO, 900 he doan'! He
comes in my place to get S. bill
shanged. l vhas on to him shust so
queek ash dot. I know he likes to
fim-fam me, and 1 keeps my eyes
open"
"'Can you shange me S., Mr.. Dun.
ker?'
"'Mit pleasure
81 count him out So in bills and So
in silver und 81 vhas counterteit-ha!
ha! HAP
.'Well?"
: "Vhell, he likes two hats for one,
und I gif one hat NIT hole in him
ha! ha! hal"
81 vhas pooty much obliged, Mr..
Dundep. He vhas hot day?'
IS so he vhas. So long,
.'Und he goes AWAY shust like a
lamb. Doan' beat him?'
"Got the bill with you?"
Eyes, bring him along to ask you
something's. Who puts that mans
name on him?"
.'Where-there? That's no name?r
81 read him dot he vhas e. O. Un-
terfeit. l guess he vhas Sherman
THAT reads, Counterfeit
'.She does?'
"Of course it does, and you are beat
en-, just as expected. Mr.. Dunder, il
Sergeant, it vhas all right-right.
Doan' speak py me one word. To.
morrow 1 goes py der lunatic asylum
and knocks on der door,
".Who vhas dot?' :.
"'Carl Dunder.'
Was you want?'
"'I likes to come In and shtop two
hoonered years.
I" All right-you vhae in
"Good-pye. Sergeant. Shust keep
quiet und doan' shpeak. vhas go ing
Il vhas goner' Free Press.
The morning news., 1889-04-27
A Cheeky Fellow.
From the Brooklyn Citizen

l witnessed a comedy enacted in front of a
theater a few evenings ago which, for a display
of genuine cheek, is worthy to be placed on
record. gentleman came out after the first
act aud started to go up street, when a hand
som4ly dressed young fellow accosted him.
Il beg your pardon. sir. he said. ''out have
lost my door check and if you are 0t going to
return, would you permit me to use yours?'
me gentleman was going to return, and so
Informed the Individual who thanked him lust
as ferveutly as if he had received the check
The next gentleman that came along was SINH
larry accosted, and he gave the fellow his
check
Have you seat coupon also?" asked the in
diYidual.
This was almost too much
Yes, and here's a cigarette to smoke between
the acS;."
the coupons and cigarettes were hand ed over
and fol owed the fellow inside to observe how
he succeeded, He passed the door and the
usher seated him. | could not resist the temp
tatlOn of informing the manager of the event
That beats anything / have heard Of" he
said. If you know where the fellow is sitting
l II send him that bouquet, pointing to bunch
of flowers resting on hls desk.
The fellow was located and an usher carried
down the flowers. The man was not the slight
est bit put out. He looked at the flowers then
at the usher. Deliberately taking a white rose
tro II the bunch he paced it in the buttonhole
OF his coat, and instructed the usher to return
tie flowers, as he was not fond of them.
There is an old saying to the effect that a
cheeky man generally succeeds. If this rule
holds, that fellow should some day fill the exec
utlve cnalr at " ashington.
The morning news., 1889-04-27
The President,s Policy.


| Tie only policy the Presidents known to
/ have is that Of keeping his own counsel. A
/ good many Of the leaders of his party who
/ have tried nd failed to get bis views upon
various questions compare him to clam
/ He listens, but does not respond.
One of the complaints against Mr. Cleve-
land " hen he was President was that be
/ didn't seek be advice Of the leaders of his
party. The complaint was well founded,
particularly in so far as it related to the
first two years Of bis term. During the last
two years, however his conferences with
bis party's leaders occurred quite frequently.
1t seems that the complaint that was
made against Mr.. Cleveland is now being
made against President Harrison, who
seems disposed to rely upon his own judg-
ment IN most matters which affect his ad-
mini tration. Doubtless he consuts with
members of his cabinet about the things
which relate to their respective depart
ments, but if be has asked them about those
which affect the whole country, and con-
corning which the administration is ex-
Pected to have clearly defined policy, the
fact has not leaked out
An impression IS ReCung abroad that he
is planning for a second term, and that his
reticence with respect TO his purposes, and
the careful way in which be is selecting
men for the important Offices, indicate that
the second term bee is troubling him not
little.
None OF the leading republican members
of congress know what the Presidents
views are, relative to any of the matters
that will come before congress, from any
thing they have heard from him since he
became President They do not even know
whether he is guided by any purpose which
is not apparent in making appointments.
Many Of them seem to think, however, that
he seeks men who will be Harrison men in
1892, and who will be able to send delegates
to the next national convention favorable
to him. He has given no inlmation as yet
as to what the guiding principles of his ad-
mihistra ion are to be, and it begins to look
as if be woul not, except in so far as 1t is
TO his personal interest to do so.
The morning news., 1889-04-27
Canada Closed to Boodlers.

Canada has closed her doors TO boodlers,
embezzlers, and other criminals not pro
vided for in the existing extradition
treaties between this country and Great
Britain. The Weldon act, about which
there has been so much talk for the last
month or two, has PASSED the Canadian
parliament, and Canada is ready to turn
over to this country on demand the thieves
who run off with other peoples money.
It is to be regretted that tie retroactive
feature Of the Weldon bill was stricken out.
There are a good many American crmi-
mails in Canada that richly deserve punish
ment. The Ca adian parliament, however,
thought il would hardly be Just to make the
actIeach backward and grab the thieves
who are enjoying their ill-gotten gains IN
der ber protection.
The Weldon act gives this country all that
it asked for in the extradItion treaty which
Mr.. Phelps, when minister to England re-
goti lated, and which the Senate refused to
ratify. In fact. it is more comprehensive
than the treaty was. because it includes
several offenses that were not mentioned in
the treaty.
ne up' uIeTs ana eUlOHLZieTS OF bDlS COuu-
try will have to hunt up another place of
refuge They might 90 TO Mexico, but
they wouldn't ind living there particularly
pleasant. ard, besides, those VIII 0 unlawfully
take public funds cannot find security in
that country from arrest and punishment.
Mexico is a good friend TO this country,
and doubtless would readily agree to enter
into treaty to give UP the clas Of offend
ers who have been seeking slfety in can
ada.
1t begins to look as if there would have to
be a great decrease ia the number of "emi-
nently respectable. " criminals or a great
increase in the number OF criminals Of this
kind in the penitantiaries. With no way to
escape the penalty Of the law except by
suicide, there will be, no doubt, fewer casei
of embezzlemeut, bribery and breaches of
trust. Fl retofore, those who have proved
faithless to the trust reposed in them
have felt that even if their crimes
were discovered they could reach
Canada before they could be ar
rested, and that they could live there
and pleasantly. That refuge
being closed, a great many who would be
if it were easy to escape punish
ment will be guided in their conduct by a
wholesome fear Of the law.
The morning news., 1889-04-27
His Last Attempt to Smoke.
From the Le,oiston Journal.


That learned aud entertained Greek. tire Rev
DR.. George Constantine of Athens told me-
while he was 10 Lewiston, the story of how ne
happened 10 leave off smoking.
i was most persistent smoker" said the
doctor g perfect save to the taoit. As soon
as finished ne cigar woul1 go and light an
other. Sci ON was l without one in my mouth.
lady whom l esteemed much. upbraided me
one day and secured ON me a promise tuat
W uld stop smoking. But | didn't. l smoked
as much as ever, only in secret
"One day went into the woods with eight or
ten cigars in my pocket and sat down to have a
smoke. had six matches aud lighted them
all one by one, trying to start my cigar Every
match went out as so n as ] struck it, and |
found myself unable to geta light.
y thought this was providential hint to me
The incident really made great impression on
me and set me to thinking. I seemed to see
myself as third person--breaking his promise
and stealing out there in the woods to smoke in
secret was diSgusted witn this person that
| walked home with my head hung down! Oh,
you don't know how disguised I was l was so
much diSgusted that I held my hands out as
mucl as foot and wouldn't let them touch my
body as walked along And l never have
smoked since" D."
The morning news., 1889-04-27
Wakin' the Young Uns.

THE old man from the foot of the STARS a. M
Bee-ulll Bee-ull! O. Bee-ull my gracious
Air you still sleepin'?
tn bour hand's creepn
Nearder five,
wal burned eff this ere amt vexatious0
Don't ye hyar them cattle calm?
An tn ole red steer a a-bawlin'?
Come, look alive!
Git up Git upl
Mar'annl Mar'aun Jist byar her snorin'D
Mar'annl It's behoovin
That you be a-movin'!
Brisk, say!
Hyar the kitcnen stove a-roarin'?
The kittle's a spiln'
Ter git hissef 0ilin'.
It's comm day.
CIT up Git upi
julie o. julie Now what is ailin?
You want ter rest9
Wal I'll he blestl
SpOse them cows
Ii give down milk 'ithout you palio'?
You mus be goin' crazy:
Fr, more like, gittin lazy.
Come, nov. rouse.
Git up Git upi
Jake, you lazy varminti Jake Hey. Jako!
What you lyn' theer fur
You know the stocks ter keer fur7
So. hop out
(Thet boy is wuSter a rock ter wakeD
Don STOP to Shlver,
But list unkiveT.
An pop out'
Git up Git up,
Young uns Bee-ull' Jake! Mar ann! julie.
(WaN durn my OrR'ry sknl
They've gone ter sleep agin,
Fur all my teliin'n
See hyar, 7 haint no time ter fools
it's the las warniu'
I'll give this mornin'
I'm dOue yellnl
Git up Git up
The morning news., 1889-04-27
He PersOnated a King.
From the Kansas City Journal

The late Congressm an Burnes," " said a well
known politician 10 a journal reporter, was a
whole SOuled gentleman. and no one enjoyed a
joke better than he. One instance of tins was
you VIII remember, King kaiakaua of the Sand
vch Islands made y tour uf t8is country. lie
came down from OMAHA to Kansas CITY and at
st Joseph the party was Joined by Congressman
Burues. Tor ~ BON the foreign monarch at once
conceived a strong admiration. both on account
of his size and lovial qualities. AT Kansas City
King kalakaua was booked for a speech. and a
very brief but excellent one had been DreDs red
An unforeseen obstacle to compliance With this
programme arose however. As every one
knows, the dark-skmned pOtentate is addict I'd
ebriates. and the result 90 this occasion was
that when the time arrived TO prepare tor the
kansas city speech, bis highness as oblivions
to all Wuu4ane affairs, and lay in his bunk as
drunk as the proverhial specimen Of nobility
What was to be doueF 1t wouldn' u do not to
make tue speech, and the royal party we're at
their wits end. But at tins jlncture Congress-
man Burnes came To w lescue.
''Leave lt TO NE, sai1 VI and III fix it only
do Just as ] tell YOU.
There as no Iime to be lost, so by Col
Burnes' Instructions Kalaksua was quickly di.
vested of his royal costume. which was promptly
douned by the Dlg Missouri representative. Col
Burnes Is OF dark mp'eKion-quite so-aud he
didn't make a balt bad Sandwich islander when
he stood arr yed IA all the regal paraphernala
Just as the toilet was completed the train rolled
into the Union depot at Kansas city. IL was
quite ulfk. nut LntFt WAS an immense crowd Of
people who had assembled 20 see the island
monarch. When Col Burnes stepped with
stately tread upon the rear platform OF the
Pullman the crowd outsid chgerrd Justify.
The colonel cast a fierce look at the multitude
and then commenced TO utter the most remark
able string Of Jargon ever heard. lRughy Wa
ell laughed untll we were almost dead but Cot
BurneS remained as solemn as owl. The
suesch took immensely, and when with n digui-
fled wave of the hand tie colone ceased his
audience cheered HIM to the echo aud eazrd
with admiration at the manly proportions Of
the supposed king.
In majestic silence Col. Burnes stood. until
moment Or Two later the train pulled out aud
supposs there are people here 10 this day who
believe they heard King hai5kaus talk ia hit
own language. III never forget. continued
the gentleman. Col Burnrss appearance on
that occasion. and | can See him now. when
after re- entering the car and sitting in solemn
silence for moment. be turned 60 nix laughing
ffienis and said: Boys, doub you think after
that lm entitled to a dnuky"
The morning news., 1889-04-27
NDEI TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS

MEETrNes-B Battalion Savannah Volunteer
Guards
SPECIAL NoTTcEs-As TO Early Closing by
Grocers: To Close Out Remaining Stock OF
Candies at Heidt's; Given Away Free at Heidt's.
GRAND FAMILY EXCURSION TO BEAUFORT, S. c.
Steamer St. Nicholas.
AUCTION sALE-Large Lot and Two Houses,
by LaR2che & Mclaughlin.
CELEBRATION OF THE CENTENNIAL--Washing-
ton Inauguration at New York.
STEAMSHIP ScHEDULE-Ocean Steamship Com
pauy.
CIRCULARS Nos. 142, 143 and IA Railroad Com
mission of Georgia.
TINE TABLE-Savannah and Tybee Railroad.
NEW SoUTH STovE-COrnwell &, Chipman.
CHEAP COLUMN ADVERTISEMENTS - Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale; Personal; Lost; Miscellaneous.
The morning news., 1889-04-27

The MORNING NEWS is on file at the following
places, where Advertising Rates and other in
formation regarding the paper can 10 OBTAINED;
NEW YORK CITY
H. BATES. IS Park Row.
G. P. RowEIL & Co., 10 Spruce street.
W. W SHARP & Co., q Park Row.
Franz KIERNAN & Co., 1872 Broadway.
DAucHy & Co. 27 Park Pisce.
J. W THOMPSON. 80 Park Row.
JoHN F. PHLLrPs & Co. % Park Row.
AMERICAN NEWSPAPER PUBLISHERS ASSOCIATION
1o4 Temple Court.
PHILADELPHIA
Wv AVER & Son. Times Building.
BOSTON
FIR NuEs, 256 Washington street
PE7TFNG1Lr Co, 10 State street.
CHICAGO
LoRn & THOMAS, Is Randolph street.
CINCINNATI
Epw1x ALDEN COMPANY. &c West Fourth street
NEW HAVEN
TIE II. P HUBBARD COMPANY 25 Elm street.
ST. LOUIS
NELSON CHEsMAN & Co., 1197 Pine street.
ATLANTA
MoRNNo News BUREAU, 81 whitehall street.
MACON
DAILY TELEGRAPH OFFICE, 5g7 Mulberry street,
JACKSONVILLE
MORNING News BUREAU, Hubbard's Block.
The morning news., 1889-04-27
Not in Good Trim FOR Work.

Traveler-w Where are you going. my friend, in
such hasteg
Possum Ridge Citizen-Goin' down ter town
TO ther show.
''GoinE to walk all the ways"
'SlrInly. Why
Its twenty miles. why don't you rider"
"Hain't got no hoss ter spare lest got one,
an ther ole 'omans workin him in ther new
groun corn"
Your wife?'
''Yas. O cO'se."
why don't you stay at home and do the
plowing yourselfs'
''lIain't able.
You don't can to ssy that you are going TO
the show and leave your wife at home TO plow
the CROP
''Yas wbut o that; Dye think I'm er goin'
ter work when I'm eruDtln'e Why, hain'C
hoed none in tber crap this Yer. lest felt aw-
ful bal, an couldn't do nothin but hunt an
fish. Thought I'd go TO ther show ter day.
Reckon it'll be mouty nice. an l don't keer fer
ther little walk o. twenty miles
The morning news., 1889-04-27

Senator Matthew Qlay seems to have
been hasty and unjust in denouncing Sena-
tor Sherman on the charge of preventing
the appointment of one whom the former
had recommended for office TIE Ohio re-
publican congressman say that Senator
Sherman was not responsible for the failure
of Senator Quay's man to get the appoint
ment, and now the President has said that
Quay made a mistake. The uotoriety
which Quay gained by his ma aagement of
the recent republican national campaign
appears t. have turned his head, and 10
have caused him to think he could do and
say what he pleased. II he isn't careful,
he will make some powerful enemies in his
party.
The morning news., 1889-04-27

The letter Of Col Dudley, published in
yesterdays MORNING NEWS, makes it GER
tain that the colonel has been sat upon by
President Harrison. In refusing to have
anything TO DO with Col Dudley. however,
tue President taci ly admits one Of two
not take stock Ia the cl argos against Col
Dudley but that he Is afraid 10 sta d by his
convictions, or that he believes the charges
to be true. II he is afraid to stand by his
convictions, he Is not It srrong man; If he
believes that the charges against Col. bud
ley are trus, he must believe that he carried
Indiana by fraud.
The morning news., 1889-04-27

Ex-Gov. Bullock could not 90 outside of
porlers seem to know when tue ex-governor
Is around, and as be talks without being
pumped, they like to tackle him. He has
been in Washington lately, and has given
his opinions upon political matters. He
likes the Presidents supposed southern
policy OF appointing protec lonist demo
Gratis to Office, aud he thinks the south has
taken kindly TO the President. HIS chief
object ia going 70 Washington was To in
vite the President aud his cabinet to visit
Atlanta next October, when the quarter
centennial If the destruction of Atlanta
will be Gel ebrated.
The morning news., 1889-04-27

Mr.. Blaine Is troubled with rheumatism
aud has been confined at home a few days.
aud the gossips have again started the state
ment that he Is IN very poor health. 1t Is
40 doubt true that Mr. Blalue's health will
be in state Of robustness when he RECEIVERS
from his rheumatic attack. We have the
word Of Congressman Holman for 1t at
Mr.. Blaine Is In better health than for some
years. lie will probably be able 60 worry
President Harrison good deal as 1892 ap-
proaches
The morning news., 1889-04-27
Reofsfe, ed at ne Postnffcs


The MoRx1Ne News is published every day .!
the year, and is s rved To subscribers ~ the c'3
st 25 cents a week. 81 10 a month, s. 90 for SIX
months and $40 90 for one year,
The MoRNiNe NEWS. by mail, one moth,
81 90; three months, g 80; SIX months, 8 %;
one year. $40 co.
The MoRKrSG NEWS by mail, six times week
without Suuiay issue, three months, " %;
six months. 81 co; one year s. 90.
TIE MoRNlNG News. TrWeekly, Mondays
wedneSiavs and Fridays, or Tuesdays, THurs-
days and Saturdays, three months, 81 >5; six
months s. 50; ne year, s. 90
The WEEKLY News. By mail one year, 81 p.
Subscriptions payabe IN advance. Remit by
postal order. check or registered letter. Cur
rency sent bY mail AT risk Of seuders
Letters and kilograms Shouli be addressed
"MoRNtNG NEWS " Savannah, Ga
Advertising rates made known on application.