The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1889-07-11
WORK OF THE WITS.

certain root-that of the tooth.
Executing murderers by electricity
will be a grim illustration of the we'll
known saw that lightning does not
strike twice in the same spot.
A Washington paper appropriate
ly remarked during the recent heavy
rains: "The secretary of the navy
has plenty of water right at his door.
Where's his navy?"
Some slanderers assert that paper
makers are the greatest magicians
of the age, inasmuch as they trans
form beggars' rags into sheets for
the editors to lie on.
Here's the way an old Scotch
preacher ended prayer, and hit the
nail on the head: "And bless the
poor, and bless the rich, who after
their funerals will be poor"
He had declared his passion and
was feverishly awaiting her reply.
"Mr Samson" she said, and her
voice sounded like knell, "the let
ter which you 80 kindly offered to
post for me two weeks ago has never
reached it's destination. Farewell. "
1t is generally, observed that per-
sons OF about forty years, especially
young ladies of that age, are forget
tul ofthose with whom they were &C
quainted in childhood This remark
able dimness of memory has been
very appropriately styled "the dark
ness of the middle ages.
A little fellow, in turning over the
leaves of a scrap-book came across
the well-known picture of some chick
ems just out OF the shells. He exam
ined the picture carefully, and then,
with a grave, sagacious look, slowly
remarked: "They came out COS
they was afraid of being boiled"
"Papa," said the fair girl, with IL
touch of sadness in her tones, Il
have received d note from William
saying you kicked him as he left the
house last night" eyes," replied
papa. II have always paid your ex-
penses, and l footed this Bill merely
to be consistent. "-Drake's Maya
zine.
Not long ago at apublic examina-
ton. an eXcentric examiner demand
ed: "What views would King Alfred
take of universal suffrage, the con-
scription, and printed books, if he
were living now?" The ingenious
pupil wrote in answer, eff King AL
fred were still alive he would be too
old to take any interest in anything. "
Henry (married six months)-I fear
my wife's love is growing cold. She
used to come to the office two or
three times day, but she never
comes now. What shall do? Frank
Have you q typewriter? "No, but
| can get one cheap" "Do 50. Then
get a pretty girl to operate it, and
your office will be full of your wife. y
New York Sun.
Mrs. Skinnphlint lin great alarm
Send somebody for the doctor,
quick! The baby gothold ofmy purse
just now and swallowed q S.. gold
Mr.. Skinnphlint picking up the
pocketbook and looking through it,
YOU'RE mistaken, Alvira. The five
dollar gold piece is here all right. 1t
was that old copper cent the baby
swallowed 1t won't pay to call in
the doctor just for that.
"Boy, you have been fighting -
said a pedestrian to a lad on Crog.
han-st., who had q bloody
nose. eyes" you shouldn't fight
Brute strength does not settle a
principle" at don't Ell! Well, you
lust bet it did in this case. There
was a Teller who said my mother was
rs homely as a monkey, and l licked
him until he owned up that she was
twice as handsome as Mrs. Langtry
Don't it settle that my mother is
ahead?"
Comparisons are odious, as every
one must have heard, again and
again, but thoughtless people viii
persits in making them. A young
doctor, wishing to make n good i'm
preston upon a German farmer, men
toned the fact that he had received
a double education, as it were. He
had studied homeopathy, and was al
so q graduate of a Irregular" medica
school, 'oh, dot vas noding," sale
the farmer; 81 had vonce calf vOt
sucked two cows, and he made nod
ing, but a common schteer, after all. ,
Medical Journal.