The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1889-10-03
FLASHES OF FUN.
CALLED to order-The waiter.

"DID you ever fall in love?" "Yes, but
got out-with the assistance of her
father"
A MAN may not be afraid of danger,
but he looks down in the mouth when
he prepares to descend into a mine.
A DISPATCH says whisky is going
up in New York" The Newly Workers..
are probably sucking it through straws-
"IT's no more than right
So say all the misses,
THAT the boys should bring gumGrops
When we furnish kisses"
No, COLONEL, you cannot lay RAID
road with hen tracks any more than
you can get 6, mosquito bill through
Congress.
AN exchange speaks of 81 new to-
bacco center" An old tobac( o scenter
is the man who smokes vile cigar In
the parlor.
A KANSAS minister says: II have
been far more useful man since tho
Lord revealed to me that I was never
to be great man."
"ANoTHER hunting accident" That
seems to be the principal occupation OF
Understanding accidents. And they
find them frequently.
IMPERTINENcE: Where aro
you going, sir? Bjackson-None of
your business. Just drive there, and
stop asking impertinent questions.
THERE is no use camping out for the
sake of keeping cool. AT the New
York militia encampment the heat was
in tents, just the same as elsewhere
The regular recipe: Miss Twinkle
Why, Mr.. Wrinkle, what cold you
have Are you taking anything for it ?
Mr.. Winkle-Yes, ma'am four pocket
handkerchiefs day.
II CAN'T understand all this fuss
about using electricity for executions, "
remarked Judge Lynch, of Kansas, re-
fectively. "Out in our section we have
used the telegraph pole for years.
In the Sullivan case in Mississippi
deputy sheriff couldn't swear that the
ring was in Marion county. Marion rs
the only county in the United States,
then, that hasn't a ring-court house
ring.
& coUNTRYMAN had consulted for
tune-teller as to his future: You'll be
poor, kind sir, until you're 80" was the
DTSuICULOu Ol Un0 Ul1OuGSSs 111Ata
then ?" ooh! after that you'll get used
to it."
A BEDRIDDEN patient In a Kansas
hospital who was experimental on with
the elixir of life, was able to leave his
bed the next day. He had to, in fact,
in order to fill a place prepared for hina
in the cemetery.
A PASSENGER on an ocean steamer
complaining of the untidiness of the
table service, said it didn't look as
though it was ever washed ON board
"Waiting for it to be washed ashore,
probably" said companion.
"WELL, my dear, how would Farmer
Brown suit you for husband? He
seems uncommon sweet on you lately"
"Perhaps so, father; but his hair is So
but you should recollect that he has.
very little Of it"
BRAKEMAN Rushville! RushvilleE
Train stops here ten minutes for
lunch! Deacon Blossum-Seems to
me that's a mighty queer rule, Miriam
9y. Well, let's git out that basket o
sandwiches quick if we've got to eae
'em in ten minutes.
Miss SLYPPE-Mr. Penfeather is so
easily embarrassed, don't you think l.
asked him yesterday to tell me just,
what he really thought of me, and he
was so taken by surprise that he could
not say a word Miss Flyppe That
was not embarrassment, it was merely,
politeness. .
"Do YOU belong to the salvation
army?" he asked of a stern-visage3
woman who stood at his side. "No, SIR
do not. But in this generation of tired
men," she added, with a whitening
glance at the row of sitting males, Il
seem to belong to the standing army"
She got a seat
BLINKs-What has become of De
Fashion? Jinks-He and his family
are in Europe. They wanted to go, and
I paid their expenses. "Eh? Wha-
you paid their expenses? 2" well, Is
amounts to the same thing. I saw
their summer cottage advertised foE
rent and rented it"
"VELL, Mr.. Isaacstein, how ish bliss,
ness" "Bissness vos poody good,
aber noding eggstra" II hat been haf-
ing poody hard time myselluf. NY
poy laid der fly paper on der chair and
I sat down on it. "Vhell, how does
dot affect your bissness ?" II got shtuck
on fy-paper, don't it ?"
"SAY, Uncle Jake, I won't be sail
orF' "Why not, Fred?" "'Cause this
book I'm readin' says ship has span
ker." "But it isn't the sort of spanker
you're thinkin' of Fred" whats the
difference, Uncle jake" "On board
a ship you hoist the spanker, bnk
ashore the spanker hoists you"
OF TWO EVILS.
"Ah, false, tickle woman" he savageIy said,
Il hoped once that you'd be my wife
And now find out that you are going to wed
An old brute that eats pie with a knife
Il think it is all for the best Willie dear"
(And she let just one tear slowly fall,