The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-12-16
BRIGHT BITS.

liceman.
She-Dat's muffin I've got r brother nangel
Life.
IT Is Too BAD.-A Minnesota schoolma am,
reported devoured by wolves, comes up smiling
a week after her bones were picked and ex-
plains that she simply took weeks vacation
TO get married in.-Detrott Free Press.
WANTED NO SUCH R1sK-Agent- Suppose you
let me write policy on this building.
Owner-Why. it's fireproof.
Agent (retreating)-I didn't know that. Par
don me. wouldn't take it.-Nelo YorI; Sun.
A CALIFORNIA JUDGE fined himself $50 for
getting drunk, and turned over the money to a
bailif, with Instructions that it be recorded in
tn usual way. This is rather heavy fine for
drunk, but perhaps it was not the judges first
offense.-ChtcdQO Herald
JIPsoE.-Yon remember Jimsou, Jobson?
JobSon-l do. | remember him as being an
out and out bad one, constantly beating his wife
and children and making his home miserable.
Jlp.-Well, he is making his home happy now.
JoD.-YeS. he is dead.-BOStOn Courier.
LIVING ON THE OLD MAN.-McFingle-How are
you. Smith? | haven't you for a long
while. HOws your son Jack! Where's he been
keeping himself for the last year?
Smith (dolefully)-He hasn't been keeping
himself! I've been Keeping him.-Ne,0 York
Sun
FATHER-Maria, has that young man gone
away yet?
lIaria--No, pa, he is just proposing
Father-O, all right.
Maria-Proposing TO go,
Father-Well, you tell him to git.-The
Epoch.
MINNIE.-7Did you attend the surprise party
given on Jennie Fig?
NAMED, yes, aud we had splendid time
we danced until nearly o'clock 1t would have
been perfect If it hadn't been for one thing
Jennie was so sick that she couldn't come down
stairs-Ierre Hdute Express.
PHYSICIAN demonstrating the case)-You
say you feel an inordnate desire to lie in bed
mornings and to OVERSIGHT? Sir, you are a sick
man. Your liver is badly affected and you
must.
Patient-Say, I'll give you $50 if you II tell my
wife that! Soc declares it's nothing but lazi-
ness.-Nelc York san.
CUSTOMER here! I've only worn these
pants one day, and they already bag at the
knees.
Dealer-Yah, dat vas recht Dose is our
patent knee stretching pants vat makes every
customer of ours look like a literary men. See?
You wear dose parts, 'mein frient and folks
dake you yer Charles Dickens or Shakspere-
NelU York Weekly.
FIRST OLD CAMPAIGNER-Did you go to the
lord mayor show this year, colonel
Second Ditto--Well no, not exactly, dear
boy; but have very pleasant recoilections of
1t. Fact is, was in my bankers when it passed
down the strand. and, in the excitement of the
boy, without referring to my account. That's
what call luck, dear boy.-Judy.
MRS YoUNGBRiDE-How does your breakfast
suit you this morning. darling?
Mr.. Youngbride-Just right; tell you Annie,
1t may be plebeian, but l awfully fond of
calf S liver
Mrs. Youngbride- am l. Don't you think
George, it would be real nice and economical to
Keep calf, then we can have calf'S liver for
breakfast every morning.-AmericG.
SERVED HIM RIGHT,-Mr. Layman-See here,
doctor, you said there wasn't any such disease
as hydropho9a.
DIR. Schmerz (emphatically) sir there is
not.
Mr. Layman-But old Grubbs got it all the
same and last night he died.
DIR. Schmerz meditatively)-Well,a man who
goes and catches diseases that don't exist
ought to die.-Patck.
PRoFEssoR--Well, Roberts, have you selected
your subject for sophomore ex. yet?
Sophomore-Yes, sir.
Professor-That's good. Now let me give you
a piece of advice Whatever your subject is,
let it become for the next two months part of
you. Saturate yourself with it.
Sophomore-Ye sir. Thank you, sir
Professor By the way, may ask what your
subject is?
ophomore-Alcohol and Insanity. sir-Bur-
tington Free Press.