Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-07-26

~ y pearance. He was
8 In high spirits; the
spirits pervading
his being could be
: ~ Olfa I'll ely dis
I -, cerned at distance of ten
l&NFeE feet. There was more grease
~ on his coat than In his flesh.
After a fOurishing and all
comprehensive bow he handed in a
dOg-eared card, well marked by fre-
quent eleanings with bread-crumbs,
and on it "T. Wellington Hustler,
P. P. P"
PRINT me introduce meseIf; have
the honor. Take a seat? Cert! One
cheer for Hustler! Hal How's that ?"
And he pulled up the only vacant
chair IN the place andplanted it before
the Observation-Disclosures managing
editor.
"Huss9er's my name; yes, that's it,
Z. WeUjngtoH H2tsSIer, P. P. p that's
Patent Poetry PaLfer. Idea of my
own Big thing Starting new cen
fury, time for new ideas-I'm the man
for the time. Coin t'show you now
how t'revOlutiOnize journalism. Make
the Ledger greatest paper on earth.
Sure thing LOCKER here! just give
you er idea, rough notes.
Now, the old dried and hayseed
methods played -'tirely played out.
Know that, don'tcher? What makes
er paper pay, Ell? Why, 'tizing, ads,
them's what does the biz, amt so {?
Well, locker here! See these notes {?
just dashed off on spur moment, you
know, but'u give you the idea.
run all your ads in pOetry-sharp,
snappy, fictitious. I'll write 'em,
twenty-five cents line. It'll take like
gin bitters. Childrenu cry for 'em.
Boom Ledger. Run up circulation to
toto anywhere, nowhere, every
where! See. Look here" And he
! slapped down slip after slip of soiled
| paper, with his dirty fingers pointing
/ out the words as he read them to the
! still Observation-Disclosures editor.
See here, one for your tailor. Run
| any name in. Listen:
Ben Shippers coats are all complete;
His vests are of all Yestnents neat;
His trousers all have double seat;
In overcOats he can't be beat
With fashions new he'll fashion you
Into blooming hOOp-de-duds-en-dOO.
CLOVIS that? Sure to catch on, an
ad. of that style. Tailor socks up for
a year, sure pop. See!
"Then, look here again. Mother
! line of biz:
! Planter the gentlemanIy undertaken,
/ General repairer and cabinet-maker,
Has his new shop cran1ned, from ground to
roof,
With furniture, cheap or costly, and fine,
! And every article in his line.
/ In his patent caskets-they'r freproof-
! Hen bury q sinner, or bury a saint
and his hearse-wheeIs shine IN new red paint.
/ If you want in his line anything at all,
/ Be sure and give friend Planter call.
"There's genius for you-neat and
comprehensive, amt it? Why, if
! your undertaker's got a cents worth of
snap in him, it's good for double
column at double rates
"NOw here's how you can make q
/ steak out Of your butcher. No charge
for that joke. [ throw 'em in often
/ that'r way" And he pIunked down
another shabby bit of paper, reading
! off:
/ Butcher Bones he keeps the shop
! Where you get the red, ripe muttOn-chOp;
! And you never eat such head-cheese as he
For all good things in the way OF meat,
! Old Bones, the butcher, can't be beat.
"Or Just take this layout to get your
wife's bOnnets at first cost and an ad.
for the Ledger:
| Miss ArabeIIa Celestine De Long
! Makes her bOnnets up a Ter bong tong;
! In Notwithstanding she's just jeuns ssee,
] And her Is entirely le june Paree.
! Straw goods bleached and pressed in latest
To cali On ArabelIa is quite worth your while
And here's Oneu get your dentist,
sure:
! @Jerkem, the Dentist, he's the boy
/ To ease your pain and give you Joy;
| If pour teeth want either pulling or plugging,
/ Jerken s the chap to do the Singing.
/ He yanked four for Us, last week, quite slick,
/ And We never gave a grUnt or kick.
| Only qua ter apiece he charged US, too;
| He'll do the same, good sir, for you.
"Those two last are neat, if I do
say il. myself. Maybe I'm a little loose
in my French on the Arabella squib,
| but then, what's your compositors and
proof-readers for if it amt to correct
such slips of the teeming brain OF
| genius ?"
The managing editor still said moth
ing, but there was deadly glare in his
cold, blue eye.
Here's a soft plum for your baker,
now" continued the P. P. P, produe-
ing it:
For wheat or rye, the white or brown,
! Friend Crusty's the best bread man in town;
/ Upon his pies there are no flies
! To that, my son, you can bet your eyes.
/ He's got EN-, dried-apple, cUstard and mince,
| Fit for the Presidents wife or a prince.
Five cents for one-hsIf Of a tyyO-inch thick mia
/ Nobody can call that figure high;
/ Occasionally one does our table grace,
And fills a IOng-felt want in our vacant space.
"No baker in Chicago could growI at
P. ?. p. and ad. combined, like that,
Ell? And here's dodge to work your
/ 1unch-rOute:
! SAT Dobbins' Railroad Hotel CafFes
/ You can your steaming DENNY tassee;
/ His dfteen-cent dinners axe most researehee,
/ And his hsh-cakes biggest ever you see.
/ Finest drinks he has, your heart to cheer,
/ Five cents buys a pint and a half schooner OF
beer;
/ Hard boiled eggs also, at two for five
/ Dobbin is the man that's all alive.
snow that's just a rough sort Of a
layout Of the SCENE, and [ can take
right hold now and"
But the managing editor had @taken