The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1889-04-11
HoNEsr CARL pUNpER.

00mo OF the Things That Bother the Big
Hearted Teuton.
II she vhas a cold day somepody
wants to know II he vhas cold enough
for me. Can ! have it shust SO cold or
warmp vhas l to be der shudgep
II he vhas hot day somepody wants
to know II she vhas hot enough for
me. Suppose he was or wasn'tp Can
I haf dot weather like want himp
II ship down on our sidewalk.
more ash ten peoples come around und
say: "Eh, Dunder, did you fall DOWN"
II doan fall down. how vhas / derep
l lend a man some money und he
pays her back und it vhas all right
lend him some more und he shumps
oudt und eaferpody says: "Vhas q
fool you vhas! you ought to have
known better!''
Last summer like to hire man for
ten shilling day to work around my
house. l can't find nopody. AS soon as
winter comes und nopody can work
more ash feefty fellers strike me for a
quarter und say der poor vhas growing
poorer eafery day.
II II vhas 80 warm in der winter dot
nopody can cut ice der newspapers
vhas saying dot der peoples vhill be
robbed next summer by der ice man.
II IL vhas 80 cold dot der ice vhas two
feet thick der newspapers vhas saying
dot der coal man vhas squeezing der
llfe-blood out Of der country.
When der days vhas short der gas
man says my bill vhas high because
der eafnings vhas so long. When der
days was long he says l must expect
big bills because hat so much com.
pany.
II l make some shange for q Gus.
toner und gif him ten cents too much
he puts 1t in his pocket and says hon
esty vhas der best policy. If do
shange vhas ten cents short. he makes
great row and says dere vhas no in
ducement in dis world for a man to be
honest.
When milkman comes in my place
for glass OF beer, he says he cam
taste some hops in dot brew. When
sip his milk and ask him where he GO
dot water, he vhas so made he wants
to fight me.
A man comes in my place eafery day
for weeks und says it vhas strange del
peoples doan' make me Gofernor.
lend him two dollars und l doan' SEE
him again fer three months. Den ]
meet him und ask Why he doan' pay
und he says she vhas strange der peo
pies doan' ride me on rail.
Eafery body comes to me und says
vhas good feller, und dot means
must help eafery body. II l 60 to som,
one und call him good fellow h,
winks out of his eye at me und says
"Do you pellet Ivhas some greenhorns
ehP"
Fife hoonered poys 60 by my hous,
on a sleigh-ride, und sooch a yelling
und footing you nefer heard. My po.
Shake goes out purity soon und whistles
for his dog, und policemans comes
along und says: "Shtop dot noise
you young Dutchman! Doan' you know
you vhas making eafery body seek!"
If goes py some clothing shtore TO
coat, und der price vhas too high
der man says to me: ''Dunder, l lik'
to assure her dot doan' make feeft.
cents on dot coat at feefteen dollar.
haf only ten left" buys him, un(
two days later see big sign in DEL
papers: "Big drive! ono million o
dose same coats at eight dollars, unt
doan' you forget him."
One day man meets me und say
liberty vhas dead und der Republi
gone oop. Der next Soonday der polio
doan' catch his saloon open und h
slaps me on der back und says: lib
erty vhas all right, und der Republi
vhas der best in der wOrld!'
can't make him oudt. Maybe /
vhas better doan' come to America