The Springdale news., 1889-03-15
THE AMERICAN Hot.
His Relation to Astronomy Discussed
 by the Hon. Phinetus PhuIman.

ed !, at PasSaIe, \. j ., the Hon. Phi netus isbHlmau responding to the toast, The Great American Hog, arose and said.
 Ii wud be intertstin to reflect upon de works of Providence in gen eraI durin' de las century, and putickicrly speshly on de hoss fly X Jersey skeeter physically intellect ooly and adhesiveIy. But a weight fer suhjec asks me to Tiff up my voice.
 All ob dis club heb a slice of first and watcred stoak in dis yer subjee, which am dear to dc lubber of Washington pie, fric d cakes ob tripe and pigs feet So dis talk will be de Great Amerikan Hog
 Aotwithstandin de atfecshuns of de hog am such he am eontinynlv layin down h5s life for de good ob de human race, he was never know n to WalknP de gangway plank of q steamboat ob his own sweet will No, nebber.
 Nid de slnEIe exeepshun of de Ark. For de spechle pains Noah tuk nil ard de arguments he ad- vaneeq to de hog at dat time he am entitle even at thIs iate day to q vote of thanks by tue Chicago Board of Trade.
 Noah's hog am de 1 father-de nuclns, so to sreak-of all hogs, biped or qualruped, but de ditfyent species am now counted by thous- aads, each one ben spechIe kine. but. thin skin or thick, de nature shine through, showing de common instinct to gobhle and swallow and git away vidal dey kin. Begrcat porker sits de table to- day for de hull earth. Trooly de Amerikan hog dun am makin big spread.
 Now de main plnt.
 Will modern skiearc bear out de assershun dat de biped hog am akin 10 de quadruPed hog
 Does de faek ob etenshual unity in one prove do hull hog, and dat after all de biped nm de great and only one?
 Depork hog erunts fust in his pen.
 De man hog grunts last yid his pen. But really dey are in 4epaek- in business together eventooaly, and ot q certainty one is eaten up by his partner, literally, and in de profits of de business entirely.
 De biped of yesterday am suil heah, but de quadruped am absent from view.
 An de dividend belonging to him am abSorbed.
 Melted, so to speak.
 Gone 10 soap
 No hide no har of him left
 But there am another phase To desc lnterestin' retlecshms l have stored in de larder of my thoughts, As it is de fashuH to raise monu- ment to de great uns ob de earth what shall be de endurin' monument to de h. e2
 Ithot las night quite deeply on dis we're queshun IS l sot wid my toots in hot water gazIn' out ob de wnder at the butlfuI stars of de univers.
 1 thot ob what de ancient strono- mer had dun fur man in his day. He made de bulls and de bears, de goat, de lamb, de lion, de crab and twins as signs in de hcbbins.
 De bulls and de great bears are feedin' quietly among de stars in peace and harmony.
 But-"here am de hog? Dat question am ebef comin' up.
 What hez bekum ob de hog?
 An de suhiec' will he on de tapis as long as de poker will be hoodwin- ked into de pork pac@iu' business wia dem Chicago and Gincinhatter monopolists. De trouble wid de great American hog am he will not let de little pig smell in de trough. Bat in de long run de hog allus goes contrary to his own interests, and though he trabble on two legs or four he am always easier led by de snoot than druv.
 An now, bretheren, in drawin' these remarks to conclusion, in tho interest due one brudder to another, but principally in de interests ob dc hog, who nebber had any principle himself, l lay before you de skeme .,b ,,,t7 Iifa