Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-09-05
TIME FOR REVENGE.

TIME FOR REVENGE.
Husband (alarmed) = Emily, there
seems to be smoke coming up through
the floor. Run and tell the lady on the
fiat below. Something's attire in her
part of the building. Quick Quick
Wife (cold and stately)-Cyrus, I'll
never do it in the world. We've lived
three months in this fiat and she never
called on me- Punch.
NOT so UNLUcKY.
Clara-1 hear that Maggie Mugginson
is engaged again. How often does that
make this season
Laura-Thirteen times.
Clara-Poor Maggie. She always was
unlucky
JOKE WELL DONE.
Buggins Mrs. Grubber, this steak is
rare.
Landlady-Well I don't understand
how it could be SO, Mr.. Buggins, it WAS
sufficient time on the fire.
''That may be, Mrs. Grnbber, but
strange to say, it is quite tender steak,
you know, and very rare in this house. :"
BY AN OLD MASTER.
Elderly but Coquettish Widow-And
this, Baron, is portrait of me when /
was girl.
Baron-Oh, indeed And by one Of
the old masters, presume.
KNOWLEDGE COSTS MONEY.
Hate Patron-See here, sir; ! dropped
a nickel into this machine and nothing
came out.
Agent-If nothing came out that
shows it's empty.
''But. sir, what do 1 get for my
nickel2"
Information.
His pants we're light, the pie was soft,
They met beneath the trees;
He thought to rest his weary frame,
So Strengthened out at ease.
Not one OF all the picnic crowd
Who saw him rise again
But thought IA murder had been done
On the spot whore he had lain.
-LPittsburgh Dispatch.
RETRIBUTIos.
Mrs. Sternwife-Yes, indeed, Miss
Firstsummer, know how exasperating
it is to have ones affections trihed with.
A young man attempted to trihe with
my heart, but l tell you got even with
him.
Miss Firstsummer-You Tilted him
when he finally proposed, ! presumed
Mrs. Sternwife-No, married him.
II Omaha World.
NIGHT WORK GENERALLY.
Mr.. Suburb-Uncle 'Rastus, wish
you'd go over to my place and clean out
my henhouse.
Uncle 'Rastus with grin)-Whatl
In broad day light, sab
AN INTERESTED DECISION.
Rev. Primrose-You have very kind
father, little boy. / heard him say it
was a shame to punish children.
Little Johnnie-He only says that
when ma does the licking. - The Epoch.
THERMoMETRIc.
He ION the piazza at night)-There's
a cool wave coming.
She (anxiously) dear, / hope
it won't come between us.
And he drew nearer SO it couldn' t.
| Chicago Globe.
HEREDITARY.
'Father," said Willie, who had just
been corrected. ''that strap is hereditary,
isn't it9"
81 don't know that it is.
'But it descends from father to son,
doesn't itl"
TERRIBLE DRAIN.
Mrs. Cobwigger-You surprise me
about that young couple. used to see
them quite often year or so ago, and
then they were getting along quite
nicely.
Mrs. Brown that was before
they began buying things on the install
ment plan.
OUT OF THEIR ELEMENT.
Mrs. McGinnis TO landlord Does
yez think Dim goin' to pay rint fur
place loike this Jist look at the wather
in that cellar, an see me poor chickuns
ez is dhrounded.
Landlord-Tut, tut, my good woman.
Why don't you keep geesel
ADVANTAGE OF FRENCH.
Brown TO Black, who is preparing |
Tor European trip)-How do you get |
On with your languages, old fellow
Black-Capitally. Why, I've got so
now can think in French.
Brown-Well, that's a blessing, for |
It's more than you could ever do in
Enolish