The morning news., 1889-04-26
BRIGHT BITS.

SOME people are called eak-minded because
IL taxes them at least seven days to make up
their minds. .S0meruHle Journal
UNCLE JERRY Russ wants to know what
breeds OF horses grow the best kind Of horse.
raulSh, and Wa have 10 hesitation in telling him
the fiery bTeeds-Richa.ond Dispatch.
PRooF POSITIVE --Tom-I'm quite certain
Mr Smythe is foregu nobeman in Disguise
Jack-iiow do you know
Iotn-He has slch dignihed way of asking
you to loan him Sl0.-ChIcdgo Journal
EVERY BtCYcLlsP should use his personal in.
huence to secure good roads, but his duty does
not require him 70 get OFF his wheel over the
handles and smooth the highway doSn with the
back of his neck. -So@erc,He Journal!
MISS GUsHERLY 4young and stylish. rising
IRON her seat in horse car)-Won't you take my
seat:
Miss Prudely telderly aud plain)-But why
should deprive you OF it;
Miss Gusherly-Oh, III have a seat given me
when you wouldn't, you know-Harper's
Bd2ar
TIE ONLY WAY To SOLVE THE PRoBLEM-'I
am devoted TO chronology. and love the study
and pursuit of literature, and am puzzled as to
which should make my life work" said the
student.
My dear boy. returned the professor. "whv
don't you toss cent and decide the matter
that way? Heads, phrenoloGy; tales, letters ="
--HdrDer'S Bdzdr.
THE dearest and sweetest object in all the
world, said the young husband fondly, Il hold
in these arms
Isn't he little darling? p sssented the young
wife. with CLEAN Of pride in her eyes
And to think they wanted US TO put him in a
kennel at Battery for the mob to look att
Please don't embrace us 30 hard. Alfred Fido
doesn't like TO be treated roughly. - -Ckicug0
Tribune.
OLD Dir. HAYsEzD to his son Johnny aged
le, who has Just returned from a visit to his
Uncle people in New Iork)-I hope, Johnny,
you did not neglect attending tn. sanctuary
regularly while you we're in New York:
Johnny You bet didn't. | went to a sacred
concert every Sunday evening
OLD HaySeed-I'm IN glad to near johnny. that
you didn't forget the religious training I've
gwen you at home. IcrG3 Stftu.ps.
JoNEs-So you ere from Salt Lake City. Mr.
Brigham: Could yon tell me what became
OF young Jays that moved out there awhile
agos
Mr. B-Wby, that young feIler was lynched
Just aIore left FOR blgamy.
"Bigamy' l don't understand. I thought
WAL ye see, he wudn't take morn two
wives SO the ayengin' angels nabhed i'm Nice
young chap. too 4 OtHitJiG Spectator
A GENUINE SukP8isE PARTY Snith-Won't
you give me little aid here, Joness
Jones-With what
81 am TO be surprised tonight bv nv
friends with present-an easy chair--ano |
am trying TO write out speech of thanks
Now, how shall begin.
begin Ladies' and gentlemen | am so
overwhelmed with surprise and gratitude for
this generous, this undeserved, this wholly un-
expected gift that / cannot find suitable
language in which to thank you" How does
that dor
S.-That's inst the thing; I'm much obliged
to you
lit is to be surprise party
S.-Nes. genuine surprise party; our
friends are gong to surprise US with visit.
Yes, see. Aud the carpets have been
taken and COMMA of u1Ogpians hfFads
Slow did you know?
And an ample collation. has been pre-
pared
S.-Exactly How did you find it out?
J.-How did find 1t out9 Why, I've been
surprised" myself in my time Boston
Courier.