The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-07-04
THEEXAWININGB0ARD
Trials of a Candidate for @ Teachers
Certificate.
BY KATE wARTHEN, KENDALL, KAN.

| caller s lace restored my Detter nature INSTANT
| ~. The sight of one moro depressed than ones
self enkindles friendly feeling.
al have something to say. Are you too
busy 20 hear me2"
had been talking three hours to very ret
| icent person, so / assured him / should be
heartily glad to listen.
There are some evils in this County that l
thought you might bring before the public and
have corrected. i am q farmers son. / can't
make living and horse feed out here farming,
so l concluded to try teaching.
" read in our paper that the next public
examination of teachers would be held at the
Countyseat on tho Both. So early yesterday
morning l saddled my old mule buckley and
ambled for the Countyseat. As went along l
amused and instructed myself by counting up
how long a term it would take at $40 a month
to buy such another mule rs old Huck.
"Well, i reached the outskirts, and tying
old Huck among them to prevent his alarming
the town, proceeded afoot up tho center of the
street. so as to command an unobstructed view
of the signs over the doors aud awnings l
wasn't going to display my ignorance of any
thing by asking questions Teachers are ex-
pected to know everything in advance.
my iourneyings had about marked out n
fox and geese board on the TOWNSHIP when my
eyes encountered the sign they sought-Ex-
aiming Board, etc. Without stopping to spell
out the etc, dashed in and told the girl be-
hind the counter that ! had come to be ex-
amined. She said, All right; first door up
stairs
ION entering at that door found three
amiable-looking gentlemen arranged comforta-
bly, about the room on sofa-cnshions and rock
ing chair tides. They appeared to be very
busily engaged. One of 'em was cutting the
margin of of paper called THE NATIONAL
TRIBUNE aud stniling it under the lining of
his hat band TO make it small enough. Before
Ia.ra L., -
afraid to tell you) that he might have put
some of it on the inside of his head without
crowding his brains much
"They paused long enough to ask me what
had come forand how long l was going to stay.
told them had come TO be examined and was
going 10 stay till l got through being exam
ined.
The man who was smoking cigar took IL
out Of his mouth and rubbed the hot ashes off
on his coat-sleeve, and looked inquirngly at the
man who was smoking pipe. The man with
the pipe emptied its contents out on his knee
with few nervous taps, and looked signih-
cantly at tho man who was cutting tho paper
and chewing, which man hurriedly removed the
quid from his mouth into his vest pocket.
Seemingly satisfied with their inspection OF each
other, they turned their attention once more 10
me.
a. How old are you q asked the quid man.
"'Twenty-two. SIR
1.-The cigar man appeared highly pleased
with this answer.
Haven't seen much active service, then p
he said.
g. None SIR meant TO be honest.
After few more preliminary questions
they beckoned each other simultaneously into
a corner. aud proceeded TO hold an apparent
consultation, after which they informed me the
examination would be oral. aud the questions
In history would be submitted first.
And, madam, Of all the impossible ques-
tions in this world those questions were
the greatest impostions As soon as
came 10 my senses at home / wrote down
some of the worst to show you. Don't you
think those men could be handled by the State
Superintendent for asking such questionsf +"
And he Indignantly handed me the list. which
copied for future reference:
Who killed Stoncwall Jackson7
Did Admiral Porter rum
Who laid the pontoons at Fredericksburg?
Who was the youngest soldier1
Which side licked
What would Lee have done with Lincoln IL
Grant had surrendered?
Did BaelPs army save the day at shlloh7
Who was FIRST in Fayetteville, N. CT
Who marked the terrapin7
Who reeaptured DcGresss battery2
Was there really Providential Spring at
AndersonvilleP
Dla INC lSLn lnu. nave HaDerAf
Were bales Of cotton used in the breastworks
at KnoxVille2
Who planted the first flag on Fort Harrison
Who killed Gen. POlk7
Who was the hero Of Gsttysburg3
What can you toll about Marye's flights 7
Give some incidents of shermans march
How much of battle can soldier see from
the ranksp
Tell all you know about Port Hudson, Pied.
Tn0uf Franklin and Pa FEa rfs (frazarnada
Who was first in Atlanta?
Who stole ComEade Kisselis boots9
What corps saved Round Top3
Is history correct In regard 10 Missionary
| RidRe2
Who was the last man to leave the works?
"Those questions certainly are not down In
the textbooks" ! remarked 10 the perplexed
young man.
81 should reckon mott Why, sIr-er-ma'am,
know the chronological events Of history M
we'll as / know the time for planting aud har-
vesting crops; but how In thunder II beg your
| pard0B) ID a man To-
And listen here 10 what fool things they
| gave in arithmetic: How many pensions did
| Cleveland ycto?' Why sir what is that 10 me
| How was / expected 10 known wasn't Cleve-
| lands Private Secretary, and my father wasn't
a soldierl Isn't there law against introdnc.
| ing politics in education? How was expected
| 20 know which old soldier has the biggest
| famiyf and who killed the most men2 and
| how much was plug o. tobacco worth 10 the
| JohDnesf and how much whisk y did Pat have
| left after swapping two.thirds of all he had and
% per cent. Of what was left for the cornmeal
that remained in the sack when the Sergeant's
| mess got through with ltf"
| VERY surprising, indeed |" managed ia
reply, almost laughing in spite Of his really
clouded face
Nor WAS that ALL They wrenched my arms
nearly off, gouged my eyes half out, and then
pulled en- full of tobacco smoke. They thump-
/ ed me In the chest, they pounded mo in the
| back, they kicked me on the shns, they stepped
on my toes, they blew in my cars they looked
down my throat, they pulled my hair aud one
Of my teeth and subjected me 10 many other
indignities under the head Of Physiology and
| Hygiene
And about the time was ready 10 inform
them that that examination had progressed fai
enough, they produced a greasy looking deck
and then got mad on the plea of morality be
cause i beat 'em at seVen-up and California
Jack
Nov want TO know If can't appeal tc
somebody aud compel those fellows TO give ma
teachers certificate"
reflected, shook my head solemnly, and be
gan 10 give the requested opinion.
"Whatl" he exclaimed, before i had quit
concluded, "Whatf Pension B0Grdf Exam
A great, deep flush overspread his face "Yor
don't mcan-how could well! | see now
You bet-wager-Pll light out of this COUNTY
quickern Lit in It'll BY Joe No, thank yoI
in bury" and AS he slid out at the doc
a T. - ~