New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-02-06
THE TALK or THE DAP:

Thcre is good thing about the reported appoint
ment Of Sir Julian Pauncefote as British Minister TO the
United States 1t will throw new and bizarre name
into the arena for the American funny man to worry
and work up into sidesplittng Jokes.
Mamma, mamma Look auicki What is that white
stun on the ground excitedy cried little Nellie yesteT-
That, my child, is-er-um-that is-er you know.
Dear dear, can't think That is-er-sonething be-
ginning with So
.Wen, what, mammal
There, there be patient and let mamma think. IT
iser-oh, have Il That is snow-s-n-o-w, my child
Now run away 10 nurse, mamma wants to look at its
minneapolis Tribune.
The people in a Western town arc complaining be-
cause local undertaken displays his collins on the side
walk outside his Office with prices attached, Just like
tho furniture dealers.
A writer says that the ancient Romans had no word
for yes.' But we would be willing 10 wager a fos
SLICED cooky that when ciaudius somebody asked
Apulus somebody else II he would like to mesnder
with a back room attachment, there was some avail
able expression I'm the language equivalent 70 Don't
care II do.'-(Burllngton Free Press
In some parts Of Ohio thcy talk of organizing an
order Of Night Caps for the purpose Of breaking up the
White Caps
What's a man-ofwarr said q teacher to his class.
so s wTs SnG s TsO 70 with i" AHsi It's
crew, sir.1-(ocean.
very Old Joke one day hobbled into the waiting
OF railroad station fast his extreme age
would allow.
III, there, young man !" cried the Aged Pleasantly,
shrilly pounding the floor with his Stah as he adj
dressed the tcketseller man over sixty years Of age
h. there, boy, gimme ticket that viii take me out
Of this country
"where 10 y asked the ticket man.
@Anywbere--no matter-anywhere to get away from
horo am discouraged and lonesome Hurry up fore
the train comes and the Ancient One clung 20 the
window ledge and trcmbled violently.
He was the extremely Old Joke that didn't get into
Max o'Relps book
The Way 1t Is Done.-Amateur actor whose finances
are getting lowl-Mr Hghup, number Of my friends
Of some kind assisted by the best talent IN town, and
az their suggestion have drawn up, or rather copied
date at which viii appear in some standard comedy,
and have brought = 70 you first as one OF the Leading
Mr. Hghup (greaty pieased)-Certainiy. (ssns
Amateur actor Ia few hours laterlMr: Lowdown,
here is a document that Mr.. Highup and number
Il other friends have insisted on my circulating.
You SEQ there 9 long string Of names here, but no
i nftc They have ali said: Have you seen Mr..
Lowdown yeti" and have been looking for you all
Mr. Lowdown ChighIy hattered)-why, certainly,
Can In 4%eeidy Piio-Dnver' the day following
from amateur aetOr-IO Messrs. Hghup, I.owdOwn
communication of yesterday have the honor to say
that, after mature deliberltlOn, have decided TO
accept tho invitation for benefit performance which
you have extended 10 me In such generous and
complimentary terms, and / have tho pleasure %
naming next Thursday evenings ETC., etc.-~tChicago
ssIlIt-~~.'
Council Bluffs eoroner's jury the other day
brought in the following verdict: ave ind that tho
deceased came to his death by being crushed under
a falling sand bank, and therefore recommend
that an Inspector of sand banks DO appointed
"No, Mr. Sampson she says sweetiy. "I can never
be your wife. We would not be happy. You are too
extravagant in your habits" Extravaganza he TO
9eated. "You have been msinformed. Miss Lulu,
am AZ economical as a brooklyn deacon. Why, have
10 be.p Then can never be your wife, Mr. Samp-
SOM Because Pm ecOnomlcalfD "Eo; because
you have to DO economical P-tColllors Once Week
Count Arco Valley should remind Prince Bismarck
that our surplus is still available.
A woman who applied for place as cook with a
family in this city subjected TO very searOhing
animation 10 her abilities and habits by the lady
OF the house. AT last the latter asked the woman
DO you drinklp
The woman replied with quiet dignity: "No,
ma'am but judging by what I've seen IN service |
might ask you that question:
Asked 10 explain herself the woman continued:
"In both my last places my employers drank 10 OK.
cess and led dogs life IN consequence l do not
mean TO enter house where the mistress touches
drop Of lquor.7
burg Dispatch.