Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-03-03

William and the Bass chambermsatd.
had better 90 through life as nearly as pos
sible by separate routes, and that needed
rest really more than I did society, but I
did not dare to get out of bed for fear the
door would open, and I was wise, for it did
now burst open as I had feared, and a tall
girl in the prime of life, with flashing eye
and distended nostril, came into the room.
A TERRIBLE MOMENT.
With wild shrek, covered my head
with the bed clothes, shuddering till my
teeth, which were in a tumbler of water near
by, chartered together.
"Go away, you hateful thing" said,
"and never, never come back again any
more"
"But want to change them Sheets" she
said.
"Go away" I said, again. "Even your
voice is hateful in my sight. Take my beau
tiful Seth Thomas silver watch, if you will,
but, OIL go away, and heaven will reward
you even better than that.
She then slunk from the room, but it was
a long time before could go to sleep. Even
then my dreams were troubled and my mind
filled with apprehension. I thought was
being pursued by red-eyed unicorn with q
navy blue stomach and Chinese lantern
L. L III.
but could not. He led me down into the
internal regions, and insisted on showing
me the iron bridge and the high school, and
spoke of the great progress of the place, and
said that they were likely to get new and
competing road in there this summer; and
he showed me the library and walked me
out to the fair grounds and down OF the lake
shore, so that could take sulphur bath.
and spoke of the desirability of the climate
for people with bronchial affections, and
wanted me to speak of it in my letters to
the press, and said he would pay me well
for it.
Just then heard knock on my door. I
was SO glad to have anybody knock, instead
of picking the lock, that asked, who's
there ?" A rich, manly voice replied,
'Me."
was glad to hear the welcome voice of one
of my own sex, and so undid the door for
the gentleman with great alacrity. Just as
was bounding lightly back toward my
couch with a merry laugh, the party strolled
into the middle of the room bearing a small
but rare collection of clammy, mucilagin-
Gus towels. She was heavY-set chamber
maid, with terror cotter hair and a bass
voice.
UNCoMPLAINING WILLIE.
do not complain. 1 do not murmur. I
do not repine. But I say that a chamber
maid ought not to do that way. A cham
bernaid who has bass voice ought to seek
out some other calling.
Mayor Weston, now of Grand Rapids, be-
fore he became wealthy, was newspaper
man in Denver, and used to stop at the old
Planters Hotel. He had mining deal to
write up for the paper, and connected with
the deal was Georgetown superintendent
whom we will address as Julius H. Cavvyo.
Mr.. Cavvyo was to furnish the particulars
to Mr.. Weston, but early in the day he be-
gan to meet old acquaintance and to cement
their friendship by means of powerful So
luton known as embalming fluid.
So, at II o'clock, Mr.. Weston put Julius
II. Cavvyo to rest on his'own little bed at
the Planters and went out to prosecute his
researches in relation to the Hold-up Min
ing and Improvement Company. The old
Planters Hotel was not exactly like the
Hoffman House or the Gilsey House. You
could tell the difference almost as soon as
you sat down at the table. If you spoke to
the waiter about the tenacity of the steak or
the longevity of the butter, he would give
you tart reply and you would have to get
along with that for dessert. One man mur-
INJURED about the steak and said it was too
tough, so therefore he would not eat it.
"You won't eat it?" calmly replied the
loose-jointed waiter. "You say you won.
eat it?"
81 say so because can't cut it. No man
can cut that steak. You can't cut it with
acids. So won't eat it,
"Well, you will eat il" said the waiter,
reaching around as if in the act of adjusting
his bustle ''You will eat it or I'll wear It
out on your
He ate it.
CREATING A NEWS ITEM.
But, among other things, there was a big
alarm bell in the tower Of the Planters,
which was wont to ring for fires, funerals
and other entertainments. The rope hung
in the hall, and when the help of the popu-
lace was required in order to suppress fire
or riot, the first man to the bellrope saluted
the snowy SUBMITS of the Rocky Mountains
with this wild alarm.
While Mr.. Weston was getting his infor-
nation on the streets, the great bell awoke
the echoes in tie Businesses OF the canons 20
miles away, and the excited populace
swarmed to the Planters to learn what
great calamity had befallen the new city.
Mr.. Weston got there at last, and, out of
breath, rushed up to his room. In the
hall he found Julius 81. Cavvyo ringing the
bell. His suspenders were draped and
soapsuds were dripping from his chin and
the tip of his Venetian red nose.
''What has happened?" painted Weston.
"What are you ringing the bell for, Ju-
lius?'
"Well, what do you s'pose I'm ringing
the bell for? am ringing for clean
towel or funeral. If get the towel there
will be no funeral, but II I fail, you Just
wait here a minute and I'll give you the
first view Of the corpse for your bright and
racy paper" BILL NyE.