The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-17
MR.AND MRS. BOWSER
They Find Country Life and Its
Pleasures q Sham.
MR.. BOwsER TRIES MILKING.
Why Bill Didn't Go Up in His BalIOOn-HOw
Appearances Deceive Had the
Qualifications.

swell, what do you thfnk7" exclaimed Mr..
BpWser, as he came hurrying home from the
Ipfice the other afternoon.
"Have you gone and got some more hens or
Bought another horseG"
''AIrs Bowser, the event Of our lifeisabout
to happen"
'rWhat is it,"
'You know Gregg. Well, Gregg owns
little farm out here about twelve miles.
There's good house on it, and he says we
can occupy it for the summer. We will have
n COW and a horse, pigs, poultry and other
stock, and we'll 60 out there and tan up and
get fat, and have the best time in the world"
81 don't think much of the idea, Mr.. Bow
SER"
"You don'tl Yuu don't want cool breezes
fresh eggs-fresh beRries-rich milk-songs
of birds-lowing of the kline and rest from
carep
"You will IL disappointed if you expect
any such thin-."
81 WILL ehl PsESaps don't know what
the country is. You are always ready to
throw cold water on any of my plans.
shall go, anyhow"
That was the beginning, and at the end of
three days l yielded, woman like. l knew
we should be back in four or five days, how
ingly. One Monday morning we took the
train and started, having engaged farmers
daughter to take charge of the kitchen, and
at the nearest railroad station we were met
by farmer and his lumber wagon. The sun
poured down its hottest, the dust had covered
grass and bushes, and as we logged and jolt
ed along the farmer queried of Mr.. Bowser:
"Come out for your health, supposeT
1--WE did. Ali this country air has already
refreshed men
HAS, eh1 Well, there's heaps of it, and
I'm thinking you'll get all you want in about
week. think city chap is blamed fool
to come out here.n
''Do you? Why, the doctors recommended
it. That boy ought to gain pound day,
andI am sure my wife will brace right up
with those pastoral scenes before her eyes"
1.-THE doctors and pastoral scenes be
durned" growled the farmer as he turned to
his horses, and those were the last words he
uttered until he landed us at the gate.
1t was a comfortable frame house, and !
did not observe the surroundings until after
dinner. 1t struck me that Mr. Bowser had
suddenly lost his enthusiasm, but didn't
know why until got out doors. The barn
had partly fallen in, giving it weird and
lonely look; most of the fencing was down, a
gust of wind had laid the smoke house on its
back, and nearly every tree and bush about
the house was dead or dying.
SIS this one of the pastoral scenes you re-
ferred tor asked of Mr.. Bowser.
''There you goln he snapped. "You can't
expect things to look as nice out here as in
Central park. We come for the balmy breezes
and the rest"
Didn't you say we should hear the notes
Of quails and whippoorwillsg'
Eyes, but don't rush business. They will
come around in due time"
For dinner we had some salt pork, pota-
toes bread and butter and coffee When
Mr.. Bowser limited about fresh eggs the girl
replied that the only hens which ever con-
tributed eggs were now engaged in the incu-
bator business When he asked for cream for
his coffee she replied that the cow hadn't
come up that morning. As for fresh vege-
tables, the season had been SO dry that none
had matured.
The COW came sTuntering UP about 5
O'Clock, covered with flies and mosquitoes,
and the girl limited to MIR. Bowser that he
was expected to milk
sob, certainly" he replied. 81 wouldn't
give cent for farm life unless could milk
q cow or two. used to sing ballad while
was milking"
The girl and watched him as he took the
pail and stool and approached the COW. The
COW also watched him. Folks generally sit
- tho T'~H+ hord si1a ct a COW to milk.
MI Mr. B OF, took tie other side We saw the
cow turn her head and regard hun Nlfn
amazement and contempt, and this vas al
creased as he worked away for four or five
minutes without bringing drop of milk.
''What are you trying to do2" called to
him from the gate.
"Mrs. Bowser, when want to learn any
thing about cow III ask you for the infor-
nation. l think know my business"
So did the cow She had been fooled with
long enough, and she suddenly planted hoof
against Mr. Bowser with such vigor that he
tumbled over in confused heap Between
us we got him into the house and the girl fin
ished the milking. Mr.. Bowser recovered
from the shock after awhile, and felt it my
duty to inquire:
Mr.. Bowser, don't you think a week of
these pastoral scenes will be enough for us?"
'No, nor six weeksI" he growled. "Noth-
ing would do but you must get into the coun-
try, and now III give you enough of It'll"
"Why, Mr.. BowserW
"You needn't why Mr.. Bowser mel You
gave me no peace until agreed to come, and
now III remain here five straight yearsW
When the summer sun went down and the
stars came out we were not as happy as we
might have been. Mr.. Bowser still held his
hand on his stomach, the baby cried because
the milk tasted of wild onions, and the girl
lost the old oaken bucket in the thirty foot
well while getting pail of fresh water l
asked Mr. Bowser when the kline would begin
to low and the whippoorwils to sing, and he
was so mad he wouldn't speak. However, If
the kline didn't low, the pinch bugs and mos
uuitoes did. There wasn't screen at door or
window and soon after shutdown we were
besieged.
That night seemed never ending. Along
about midnight l asked Mr.. Bowser how
many pounds he thought he had gained, but
he called me an idiot and would say no more
When we got up in the morning the girl
didn't know us. We were blotched and
bitten until one would have suspected US Of
suffering with smallpox. Mr. Bowser knew
himself, however, and before noon we were
back in the city. He scarcely spoke to me all
the way home, but once in the house he burst
out with;
snow, old lady, prepare for a settlement.
You've nosed me around all you ever will.
This has broken the camelis back. Which of
Us applies for a divorceY"-Detroit Free
Press
Catastrophe in Two Scenes.