Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1889-12-05


She was inlormed Foodlebhoy-
mot at home Why, / told her I'd
eall this afternoon Footman-"Yes,
sir; so she told me when she gave me
he message" .r.-.g. r. r .
show intense are the fires OF love p'
| calculated the poet. "Yes," answered
! The father OF six marriageable daugh-
!ers; but they do take an awful sight
, COAL
Hans, you got punished to-day;
what forg" ..Because, papa, Edward
Lang had been fighting" .'And with
whom had Edward been fighting ?"
With me, papa
Superfluous. S. Teacher - "Egelbert.
S it proper TO say it rains water"
Egelbert-'May be proper, but faint
necessary; it never rains millS-shakes
d. anything like that"
Poverty is no disgrace, said links.
''In many cases it is something to be
proud Of" Yes" replied Jones. "Irs
4 constant struggle for me to keep my
pride down. nssrs !.
Philanthropist Ito small boy)-"And
so you'vesgot o little sister at home
nave you, sonny? What do you do
when you get together?" Small boy
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS"
Doctor Take these powders as di-
'ected and your cold will be gone in
Two or three days" Patient -"You
seem quite hoarse, doctor" Doctor
Yes, I've had bud cold for four
weeks"
His motto-"Is marriage a failure?n
"Well," answered the Chicago man,
everything in this world is a failure,
out if at first you don't succeed try, try
again that's my motto"
Theater The love scene in
Tour play isn't half so natural as ii
Used to be. The same people do it,
co." Yes; but the lovers
we're married during their last vaca-
ion"
Dear little soul: Mr.. Honeymoon
did you sew that button on my coat,
iarling?' Mrs. No,
sweetheart | couldn't find the but
;on-but | sewed up the buttonhole
md it's all right
Unequalled attraction Bigsley-
Going TO get married, | hear Sup
pose you got a wealthy grip Freddie
NO" Bigsley-'"Then what in the
thunder is the attraction" Freddie
shes an orphan"
Mr.. SIN rt Gas the church-goers
oass) surprised that Miss Sweet
| permits BOdworth to accompany her
| He's about the freshest young fellow
know" Mrs. Smart Perhaps that's
;he reason why she let him carry her
Psalter.' rs#.. ..r Ia
Woman is an enigma. She will face
frowning world and cling to the man
| she loves through the most bitter
season of trial and adversely, but she
wouldn't wear a hat three weeks be-
lind the style to save the government.
Lumly-..Ah, Chum. what are you
loing nowadayS?n Chumley - ''Oh,
I'm writing for living" Lumly-
Are you indeed? Do you write for
, newspapers or magazines" Chumley
Neither, I write to the old man for
remttances.n
Business Before Pleasure. The
Minister-'.What n pleasure to be
rood. Are you good, Tommy" Tom.
NY o, not very, but Pm going to
urn oven q new leaf soon as lick that
Thompson kid-busiress before pleas
are that s my motto"
Miss. Beacon OF Boston.-..Do you
aver feel an insatiate craving for the
lnattainable "a consuming desire to
| transcend the limitations which hedge
mortality, and common soul to soul,
with the spirits of the infnits?" Omaha
nan--"Ye-es, kinder"
Ind istinct but reliable. Borrow.
lin Chinese laundry -"Why do you
say Fli-day, John. when you mesn Fri.
| lay" Chinamau-'I say Friday
cause mean Friday; not like Melicar
nan, vino STAY Friday ard come to pay
me week after next" >
NO, s,r." said the old tramp, sadly,
II can't getsno work at my trade. I've
.ried hard. but it no use" Philanthro.
pist-'.Y Your trade. Why, have you a
;rade?n Tramp (tearfuIly)-"Yes sir.
tmsa winter waiter at q summer re.
sort hotel"
| The cheerful countenances worn by
,oal dealers and electric light stock
holders, during the past few weeks, is
now explained. They have read the
assertion recently made by scientist,
that in l2,000,000 years the sun will
entirely cease to give forth light and
heat. .e .-s...
| Fond mamma 'Oh, uncle, you
should see our darling baby when |
play the piano! He just listens by the
hour, and when / cease playing the
| aurse has to take him away, he cries
! so awfully." Cynical uncle-"Perhaps
-aw-my dear, he-aw-weeps for
aw-joy?"
Dearer and not cheaper--Mrs. Gush-
| ington-'I am going to the dressmak-
~, Tom, and ! owe her $50. viii you
be angry with me il ask you for n lit
lie money!" Mr.. Gushington-''How
could be angry with you when you
ire growing dearer and dearer 10 me
every day?"
Could not catch up--Lecturcr Zoe
'ore the Sniggiechunk Browning Club
But gentlemen, | fear | have de-
Iaincd you too long-I will no further
pursue the subjebt." Critic-"No
ion't. You'll never catch up to it, for
you've been getting further away from
II all the time"
What a crowd in Boston means
Stranger 'sWhat is the meaning o
.his vast crowd; something unusual
lappening?" Boston man - IL dom
| know, sir, have just arrived on thu
ground myself. 1t may DO that sym
ohony concert is Just over, or it MAY