davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04
The Kings Little Ioke.

A Swedish statesman recently in
weighed most eIoquentIy in Parliament
against Oleomargarine. Next evening
he was invited to dine with the King,
who loves a joke. There was only
Oieomargarine on the royal table, and
the statesman literally partook there
Of At the close Of the meal the King
asked him: well, sir, how do you
like our butter?@ at is excellent, 3"
replied the statesman the contrast
between it and artificial butter is very
marked" But, said the King, shat
is artificial butte" The other guests
roared with laughter, but the "Old par
iamentary hand" returned quick as a
flash: Your Majesty, if one can be
deceived so easily, there Is ali the
more need of strict laws against bogus
goods"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

.HE reception at the
residence Of tn g
American Minister
was about the tall
est thing 7 have
been at for some
time, says Bill Nye
in one OF his letters
to tn q Chicago
Herald. The home
Of Mr. Reid is Just
off the Chon g
Eliza a nd is a
palace in every
sense. The White
House actually be-
1900 a wsf ~4vr-aEl1 ~
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

did not find it until to-day. I happened
to see it to-day because it was a very
clear day, and I had a powerful glass
with me. The truth is sometimes disa-
greeeble, but what like about it is that
when mashed to earth it will invariably
rear up again upon its hind feet and as
sert isself. The United States are poorly,
cheaply, meanly, and meagerly repre-
sented with a few exceptions,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

The county of Custer in Montana is
the largest county in the United States.
It contains ID, 500, 92O acres, and is $50
miles long and 125 miles wide It is a
place of historic interest, containing,
as it does, the site of the great battle
of the Little Big Horn, where Custer
and his force were massacred.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

In looking through the papers in his
safe, the other day, Russell Sage dis
covered that he was the proprietor of
a railroad out in Iowa that he had for
gotten about. An active business man
can hardly be expected to keep track
of every little milliOn-dollar purchase
he makes
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Two COMPANIES have been formed
at Kansas City for the purpose of re-
claiming 600 acres of submerged lands
in the Missouri River, near that city
The value Of the lands when reclaimed
is estimated at $22, 500, 900.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Druggin: ''YOu are positive, Clark, that
you have not put any poison into the medic
cines you have compounded to-daVP'
Prescription Clerk: 'tYe s, sir, I'm sure
haven't made any mistake, today
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A WOODEN doll, with jointed arms
and legs, was found in a sarcophagus,
containing the skeleton Of a young girl,
lately unearthed in Rome.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

When Baby was sick, We gave her Casboria,
When she was Child, she cried for oastoria,
When she became Hiss, she olung to Castoria,
When she had Children. she gave them Castorii..z
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

ED REED, son of the notorious Belle
Starr, who was killed some time since
in Indian Territory, has arrived at the
Ohio Penitentiary to serve seven
years sentence for horse-steaIing.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Mumley: "The proprietor of this ready
made clothing store is a law breaker"
Dumley. Glow do you make that Oub?'l
Mumley; 'Isn'b he a counter dt6er?'
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Mr.. FREDERICK ". yYEAFRERLY SAYS
that he has written something between
five hundred and one thousand songs.
of which Nancy Lee" and The Three
Old Maids Of Lee" are the most pop.
uIar. He wrote Nancy Lee" at Ok
ford, within an bouT, while waiting fo7
an unpunctuaI pupil.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A PITTSBURGH miss, now in London,
is said to have written to the Princess
Louise, Duchess of Fife, offering to
buy one of the numerous sets of brace
lets presented to her on her recent
marriage.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

American ladies are finding fault
with the Queen for her parsimony to-
ward the recently married Louise. She
gave her only an annuity of $4,000
per annum, outside of paying $37, 600
for her trousseau.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

THE prediction is made that, BY
1885. the Nicaragua canal VIII be open
for business.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

TIE Rev. DR.. Edward Everett Hale
says that when he was a college stu
dent he and his chum took the first
daguerreotype picture ever made in
Boston.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

'fNo, George" she mutJered, as the pas
s1Ona5e youth knelt IN passionate frenzy at
her feet, 81 can never be yours" ''We1s
Clara" he answered bitterly as he rose
quickly, HyCU might at least have told me
50 before ana saved me from bagging these.
trousers -
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

THE chasub1e worn by Thomas Ewing
Sherman in celebrating his first mass
was made of the wedding Of his
sister.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

The most forgetful young man in
Snyder County, Pa, recently went to
town with his best girl, and, when the
time came for his return, actually left
without her, and proceeded several
miles before he happened to think he
had forgotten something.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

While man supposed to be loaded is be-
ing examined, he cannot be discharged, but
the moment the charge Is Withdrawn he iIn~
uaadiately goes of.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

HENRY WnEs, Of Charleston, W.
Va, turned over his pillow the other
morning on arising and found a rattle
snake coiled up under it and quietly
sleeping.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A WOMAN at Trenton, Kansas, seized
and held four of her neighbours chill
DIRE. for debt.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A PLUEBAGO mine has been discov-
cred in somerville, twelve miles west
% Augusta, Ne. Specimens have been
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

THAR, hOW's the waiting managed hers2"
Binthair with a sigh; ooh, the guests
do all that3
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04
ON THE CB0NG ELIZA.
BILL ETE AhEONG THE ELITE OF
THE FRENCH CAPITAL.

Dimes ia BEr. EiReI's Tan Tovver-yFh
law Fefd's Bald Head and superb Resi-
dene-Ehe Latter Comes high but he
Had TO Have IT.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

The dude is like an engine, in that he
carries a head light
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

An exchange states that one of the uses of
the Eiffel Tower will be to weigh the moon.
Gigantic scales! The tower viii be the
standard and the moon VIII furnish the
beam.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Algy: We cannot decide whether it is
good form for you to wear moustache
with knee breaches, as. we have never seen q
mOustache dressed IN that manner.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

The man who shoots his girl to make her
love him and the girl who throws vi6ri0i into,
her lovers face for the same purpose should.
get married and have it out with one an
other.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A NEW paper was started in Bolivar
County, Mississippi, July q. Five
days later the editor was obliged to
kill his only rival The latter had been
advertising the newcomer gin a way
calculated to arouse his blood"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

We notice that fail goods are slightly on
the rise.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A comfortable summer resort-thin
clothes.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A man with a pinch-back watch called il
Faith, because it was without works, and,
therefore dead.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Coz. A. E. JONES, of Cincinnati,
who was murdered by his negro coach
man, was an uncle of Robert J. Bur
dette, the humorist. He was a brother
of Mr.. Burdette's mother, and when
the famous funny man was named, in
the early days of long ago, it was Rob
ert Jones-the middle name in honor
of his uncle.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

J. B. WATSON, the Australian quartz
reef king, died recently at Sydney at
the age of "a. He was a native of Pals
ley, Scotland, and emigrated with his
family to Sydney. and afterward to
California and Sandhurst, and finally
to the Bendigo gold mine, where he
made a fortune estimated at forty
million sterling, 5000, 100000.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

SAMUEL J. TuDEN had a marvellous
memory. A friend who was with him
at the time says that while sitting at
the side Of the casket In which the
body Of Horace Greeley reposed Mr..
TiIden recounted the deathbed scene,
with date, and place, and minute cir
cumstance, of every President and Vice
President of the United States All
the facts he related were afterward
verified without exception.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

The latest development of the auto
matte machine is DR. CurealI, in
Holland 1t is a wooden figure of a
man, with compartments all over it,
labeled with the names of various all
ments. If you have a pain, find its
corresponding location on the figure,
drop a coin into the slot, and the prop
or pill or powder Will come out.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Castor Beans Wanted.
Address The MARSH On Co1IPAEY,
Kansas City, Missouri.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

The sheriff knows good thing when he
seiZes 1t.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

At the Obelisk.-BrOwn: 'sThese hero
glyphics remind me of New York alder
men
Robinson: GIN what way?"
Brown: ''They are doubtful characters
brought here from abroad"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

uaI."
Mrs Madison Streete: e'But, dear can
not find the waist to my new dress"
Mr.. Madison Streete: probably slipped
down a crack somewhere. Wear my silk
suspenders. They'll do"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

TIE French have a custom Of visit.
ing the graveyards wherein their reIa-
tiVes are buried on the. LIST Of NoYeme
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Mr.. Madison Streete: ''Well, hurry up,
hurry up, Wen be late at the dinner, as US
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

SONG Of the dry-goeds Swing
ing IA delaine.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Brown-Why, is DR. SquiIls dead?
DR.. Smith (of different school fror
SquilIs)-Yes.
Brown-What was his aiIment?
Smith-Committed suicide.
Brown-Why, how?
.Smith-Preseribed for himself.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Fashion asserts that dresses this fan VIII
be decOueIe. Ample assurances are given
however, that the bills viii not be eut low.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

A SUIT for damages-the suit Kiirai1
wore In the ring.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

Healthy in our town? Well should
think sol We have had but one funeral in
ten years, and that was the doctor. BE Its
eTally starved to death. -
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-04

DRAwEas Of Marine artists
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

On the contrary they will be exceptions to
their race if they do not steadily decrease
We suggest that 1900 acres are rather toe
much for every Indian, especially when q
white man finds 100 acres sufficient fol-
himself and large family.
The proposition is to cut off the western
end of the reservation, taking perhaps
1000 square miles. This would provide
homes for good many people, and would
add materially to the wealth of the terri
tory, as the strip in question is known tc
contain valuable mineral wealth which
can be of no possible value to the Indians
The reservation would still be out of al
proportion to the number of Indians occu
plying it.
1t is believed that if a petition setting
forth the facts and representing the stu
alton as it exists, were presented to Con
gress that body could be induced to do ar
act out of justice, even to Utah which has
had so few favors from the national legis-
lature
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20
CUT DOWN THE RESERVATION.

The movement looking to the cutting
down of the Uintah Indian reservation has
been revived, and another effort will be
put forth next winter to induce Congress
to be reasonable in the matter. The people
of Utah bear no relationship to the porcine
family. Nor do they want the earth
Furthermore, they are the best friends on
this continent to the Indians. They de-
light to feed and teach and instruct and
civilize the red man. They are eternally
insisting that the aborigines have been
robbed and maltreated in a most inhunan
and un-Christianlike manner Whenever
the surrounding states and territories
weary of the Indians and propose
TO dump them into Utah, no
frantic protest goes up from here. The
masses say that as nobody else has con-
sideration for the abused original inhabit-
ants the people of Utah will be their
friends, though it is frequently inconveni-
emit and annoying to do this. After all they
have done and are doing for the Indians,
they ought not to be regarded as unreason-
able and grasping when they request that
the reservation mentioned be cut down
somewhat, and the land thrown open to
settlement and reclamation. 1t is notgen-
orally known that the Uintah reservation
is larger than some of the American
states. 1t contains about nine thousand
square miles, and comprises nearly one
ninth of the entire area of Utah. 1t in
cludes some of the richest and best
watered valleys of the territory, and stock
ranges which have no superior on the con-
tinent. 1t is delightful country in many
respects. We hold that it is none too good
for the Indians, who are entitled to the
best, if there is such thing as justice in
this world and if there is anything in the
legal claim of ownership by right Of origi-
nal occupancy. But our protest is that
there is too much country for the number
of Indians. The Indians occupying this
empire Of territory number between two
thousand five hundred and three thousand,
and it Is not among the probabilities
that they are going to increase very fast.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

COMMENTING on dispatch to the effect
that religionists believed to be members of
the Mormon church were being maltreated
in Illinois, the Washington Star, in its issue
of the 18th, says:
The people in Illinois and elsewhere who are
prosecuting Mormon missionaries for no better
reason than that degenerate arm Of the Nor
mon church practices polygamy, would do well
10 restrain their ardor. 1t was the Nauvoo
struggle that sent the Mormons on their march
across the plains and raised them from an in
significant handful OF poor men and women to a
rich and powerful church with an elaborate
political system behind it, Outside the practice
OF polygamy, which is contrary to the laws Of
the United States, the Mormons are on an equal
footing Of responsibility with the rest of man
kind. A creed, however unsound, with such
history as theirs has behind it thrives on perse-
cution. 1t can be successfully fought only by
reason and fair treatment its opponents over
coming bad ideas with good ones. Even the
illegal practices Of the Mormons will be best
punished and abolished through legal means,
and certainly no belief is ever crushed by law
less violence.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20
SCANDALS IN THE PENSION BUREAU.

Corporal TANNER commissioner of pen
sions, is playing in hard luck. Only few
days ago the country was treated to a
scandal in the administration of the pen
sion bureau, the like of which was not de-
veloped during previous administrations
since there was any pretence of honesty in
the executive departments. When TANNER
was made commissioner he selected as
his secretary his close friend, GEORGE
B. SQUIREs, who seems to be some
thing of a professional G. A. R.
man. Like TANNER, SQUIREs was a
great talzer, having "chinned" himself
| into prominence. He had not been an Of
fce-holder, and the sequel warrants the as
sertion that it is well for the country
that his abilities had been exercised in an
other direction. The commissioner was
taking credit for rushing the business of
his office through on double-quick, every
| few days a dispatch coming over the wires
| to tell US how expeditiously the work was
being performed. Pensioners whose pend
| ing claims were not allowed wondered
why it was that if the corporal were doing
so much they could not hear from their ap-
plications, but the explanation came along
the other day when it was developed that
Secretary SQUIREs had been railroading
special cases through the bureau, dividing
the fees in 5000 cases with the attor-
ney who was his partner in the
little scheme. 1t has not trans
pired how much SQUIREs pocketed
through the industry Cor which the com
10 -crh
| is said that the secretary will not
| be under the necessity of drawing a
salary from the government for some
years if he shall wisely invest the income
of his few weeks in Office. AS a matter Of
course SQUIREs was removed when the eX
posure came, for although his record as a
Grand Army agitator is great, it would
hardly do to keep him in the place. Be
sides. it would involve the building
of cell in the bureau in
order to keep the fellow honest. 1t has
been published that within an hour Of his
removal from the secretaryship SQUIREs
was put into another fat position, that of
timber inspector, but this statement lacks
verifcation.
Now comes the news, HERALD special
bringing it, that another of TANNERS
friends is even dirtier than SQUIREs. This
time it is VAN BRUNT, the pension agent at
Brooklyn, who was unceremoniously
bounced by the secretary of the treasury
few days ago. 1t seems that VAN
BRUYT was bad out of Office as
well as in. One of his offenses
was the desertion of his wife
and the taking up with another
woman, whose money he appropriated and
whose sealskin sacque he pawned.
1t is to be hoped that the returns are all
in, and that the pension bureau will con-
tribute no more to the lists of scandals and
sconndrels in government service. 1t is
also to be hoped that Corporal TANNER will
in time learn that the fact that man once
wore the blue is not always certificate Of
honesty, integrity, morality and capability.
1t may be humiliating to make the confess
sion but it must be admitted that there are
instances of ex-soldiers falling little be-
low the standard of perfection.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

ONR-FoURTH the entire population of
Idaho are Mormons. These people are not
only denied the privilege of participation
in the work Of framing a constitution for
the proposed state, but are to be denied the
right of voting or holding Office in the COM
monwealth. They cannot be driven out,
but they live there only as serfs. These
facts being known, is it likely that an
American Congress will let the territory
into the union as an American state! The
politicians who are manipulating the state
hood scheme are overwhelming themselves,
as they will discover when all their plans
come to naught.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

MoCCAsIN MAC and General P. EDWARD
are said to be the only members of the
Utah contingent of Office seekers left in
1t has been limited, but The
HERALD does not believe it, that there is a
among their friends to keep
them tire; that is to say, that the afore-
said friends decline to send money for rail
way fares and hotel bills.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

IT Is reported that Congressman MILLS,
of tariff -reduction-bill fame, is to retire
from the House of Representatives.. He has
started the ball rolling and doubtless thinks
that it will get along without his assist
onoa
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

VIcE-PREsIDENT MOTION has been try
ing to find out what vice-president is
good for any how, when the President is
healthy Having failed of the desired in
formation, Mr.. MORTON has left Washing
ton, and says he will not return until
Congress assemblies.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA, editor of the
London Telegraph, has refused knighthood
which was rendered him by the Queen. He
is not the only journalist who doesn't take
kindly to the suggestion of being knight
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20
LOng-Standing

Blood Diseases are cured By
the persevering use Of Ayers
Sarsaparilla.
This medicine is an Alternative, and
causes radical change in the system.
The process, in some cases, may not be
quite so rapid as in others but, with
persistence, the result is certain.
Read these testimonials -
"For two years I suffered from Sc
we're pain in my right side, and had
other troubles caused by torpid liver
and dyspepsia. After giving several
medicines fair trial without cure, 1
began to take Ayers Sarsaparilla.
was greatly benefited by the first bottle,
and after taking five bottles was COM
pletely cured. John w. Benson, 70
Lawrence ST., Lowell, Mass.
Last May large carbuncle broke out
on my arm. The usual remedies had no
effect and 1 was confined to my bed for
eight weeks. A friend induced me to try
Ayers Sarsaparilla. Less than three
bottles healed the sore. In all my expe-
rience with medicine, / never saw moro
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

TEE NEW British minister, Mr.. JULIAN
PAUNcEFoTE, is an inveterate cigarette
smoker, consuming dozen or two every
day. Sir JULIAN has probably never heard
how dangerous it is to smoke cigarettes.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20
June 90, 1885

THE DAILY HERALD is published every morn
ing, Mondays excepted, at THE HERALD Block,
corner West Temple and First South streets,
Salt Lake City, by THE HERALD COMPANY.
Subscription price, in advance, 5000 per an
mum, post paid.
CITY DELIVERY tJ.W Kyle, Circulator)-By the
month 500; by the week, 25c.; by the year,
$40, INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
THE SEMI WEEKLY HERALD is published every
Wednesday and Saturday morning. Price, IN
advance, $3.50 per year; six months, Sl.75, post
paid.
THE SUNDAY HERALD is published every Sunday
morning. Price, in advance, $3.50 per annum,
post paid.
SUBSCRIBERS will confer favor by forwarding
information 10 this Office when their papers are
not promptly received. This will aid US to de-
ternine where the fault lies.
ALL communications should be addressed to
THE HERALD,
Salt Lake City, Utah.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-06-20

THE president brewed such a storm by
his appointment of a Judge for Utah that
he seems to be afraid to try again.