Rock Island daily Argus., 1889-09-21
THE OYSTER.
He Fared BADLY an the Recent ssorms
ON the AtIantsc---His Piace In So
ciety---How He Gets There.

He Fared BADLY an the Recent storms
ON the AtIantsc---His Piace In So
ciety---How He Gets There.
The gentle oyster has been great suf-
ferer from the recent terrible commotion
Of wind and wave, and hundreds of small
oyster planters in the vicinity of New
York City have been ruined. Large
planters and dealers have also suffered
heavy losses. II is estimated that To
supply the oyster market of New York
City at least one thousand oyster boats
are scattered along the Sound, the bay,
and all the creeks and inlets on Long
Island shore. and they were naturally un-
able 10 do anything last week. The dams
age at Jamaica Bay, Rocksway. and in the
Sound will. according to sn exchange be
1000. 900.
The oyster is creature in whose well
fare all the world takes unbounded inter-
est; especially at this season when he be-
gins his reign supreme. The oyster has
been called the hardest person in the
universe. He is of peculiar disposi-
tion. Though often seen at sociables. he
is not sociable. He is reserved, gloomy
and peculiar. He may have giant in,
tellect; but nobody is the wiser for It,
He is neither human nor divine He Ii
not a fish, for he has no fms. tail, gills ol
disposition to steal the bait of hook
He is not a bird. for he has neither
feathers, wings, or song. He is not q
quadruped, for be has not the essential
qualifications of legs or lungs. There ar,
sgreat many things that the oyster j.
not
Kiner OF the Geneseo Neos once gave
expression TO his views on this always
interesting subject in the following man.
ner:
There are many things for which the
oyster is remarkable; but he is remarka.
BILE above all other things for his scarcity
in church festival oyster soup. Nothing
can exceed the look OF astonishment that
mantles the face of man when he finds
an oyster in a dish Of church soup. He
can't account for IL. Sometimes they get
into the soup by mistake. Nobody ought
TO blame them for this.
When there Is church oyster supper.
the local papers come out next week and
say that the ladies took in $50 and
cleared S47 rs. That's the reason oysters
don't have much to do with the affair.
The oyster does not confine his re-
ligiOus belief 10 any particular dogma.
Tie Joins In with the Methodists, Presby-
terians. Congregptionalists and all the
rest. with desire to do good, unbliuded
by prejudice. He is most probably a
hardshell Baptist. His aquatic habits
90 TO prove this.
Many poor society. after exhaustiug
its funds and almost deciding to ruin the
minister and clean him out of house and
home by giving him donation party has
suddenly bethought itself of the oyster
so they got one and chased him around
in barrel OF hot water until he gets sick
and dies. Then they sell the water for
twenty five cents pint.
One Of the best points about the oyster
il his faculty of keeping his mouth shut
Through all his wrongs and reverses of
fortune. he never complains He leaves
his revenge for the future. II is no fool
OF job for him to keep his mouth shut.
He is built in a circle, and there is a
mouth oil around the edge of him. When
he opens his mouth he has to split him,
self in two. II has often been asked,
Who first invented or discovered the
oysterf" This would remain a mystery
II II were not for us. We are the only
human being that knows.
Once. something less than a hundred
thousand years ago. little brother of
Susan B. Anthony's was roaming about
on the shore OF the sea, thinking OF bis
sins and one thing and another, when he
happened to recollect that he had quart
OF hickory nuts in his coat tail pocket.
He yearned to transfer the succulent kerr
nels of those nuts from their brittle shells
to bis stomach. and he cast about him for a
stone. He found large fiat one TO serve
as an anvil. and little messy one TO
serve as hammer. He was astounded
beyond measure to witness the little green
stone cape upon the very first clip he
fetched the nut. He was yet more sur
prised to notice that the mysterious stone
grappled hold of his finger, and pinched
II numerically. He hauled his finger
out Of chancery. and proceeded to suck
it, as is the manner Of mankind when
they get their fingers pinched. All his
previous succession Of surprises were as
nothing compared with mis- amazement at
hnding how deliciously his finger tasted.
lie fell to and cracked the stone (or oys.
Vet ma W proved To be.) instead of the
hickory nut, and devOured It's con,.o,a
Then he threw away his hickory nuts and
hunted up more oysters. and fell to and
devoured them. Then he went home
and told Ben Butler and Mrs. jerks and
his other neighbors, and they all wen
down to the shore and hunted for oys-
ters. Ben injured his eyes by peerine
under the rocks, and he has ever since
been known as "Old Cockeye."
Susan's brother continued to eat oys.
tiers till he got so fat he couldn't see his
own legs. He finally died full OF years
and honors and oysters. and they buried
him in an oyster pit, and paved his grave
with oyster shells.
The above is all we know about oys-
ters-and more, too.