The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-06-13


cyclones make 'em grow;
They grow to giants vile they light the light
J. min an tho snow.
IT, W. Foss, in Yankee Blade.
A DREADFUL BLUNDER
Caused by Brilliant Idea and q
Butchers Boy.
''Reginald, !" said my uncle Jupp-a name
that always set my teeth On edge-'.you are
fool; good looking one, it is true, but an
arrant fool. You have a perfectly unequaled
facility for making: mess of every thing
You arc set to do, and therefore you must
lake the only course which, 50 far as 1 can
see, will enable you to exist as good look
ing TOOL, and marry girl with money"
Mr.. Jupp made this flattering speech in
ms city counting house, when his clerks had
Ill disappeared for what they considered
worth calling dinner, and the eminent tai
low merchant was alone with his nephew.
Cecle Jupp had a shrewish wife and a
couple OF children, portentiously ugly
PAIR, who, Of course, would inherit his
money. he was not bad sort of man.
though his brutal rudeness in addressing
me was invariable. His checks, however,
somewhat sOftened IL. But he was of an
irritable temper, and of city notions /, on
tne contrary, was essentially Only happv on
the sweet shady side of Pail Mall, having
west End tastes aud proclivities which
would have been f1ttingly mated with nv
unCle's cash
you've tried Sandhurst; and were igno-
mlhlously plucked you never had brains
Tor the bar; you tried civil engineering, and
pretty premium paid Orbit & Wheeler,
till at length they Cancelled your articles as
You were demoralizing the ofice by YOUR
'dleness; you tried this Office, and made
nothing Of the books but blots; YOU couldn't
even keep the secretaryship of the Picked
onions Supply Associations nice little
thing which any duffer who could write a
formal letter could have held. Why, old
Mango, the Chairman, my old chum, said
even for me they couldn't any longer keep
congcnial idiot in the BERTH Nobody
knows the bother you've been to me; YOU do
nothing but get into debt-except play bill
liards-and even then you're always making
q hash Of it,''
MY uncle kept on grumbling to himself as
he looked over his letters, and at last, turn
ing round ON his stool, he eyed me for mo-
ment froWningly. Then he began again.
and with IN evident relish for his task.
You'll have to live on that s1OO d wear
your pr'cr mother left yOu," q shuddered)
unle>s you can increase it. Icau't go on al
lowing you an income to fritter away I've
many calls ON my means'' (the ordinary
formula of all extensively rich people), land
I've paid great deal Of money for YOU,
Master Reginald. You're lazy and extrava-
giant, naturally, and by long practice mag
niticent hlunderer. Indeed, if it he possible
to make null of any thing you're the man
to do it."
"Yes, - said my uncle, as if he really liked
the taste of the words, ''you're lazy, stupid,
spendthrlft, nincompoop and a blunder-
or, ana you certainly act, SO far as have
seen, up 70 each of those characters most
consistently. But there is no doubt you are
good looking. Your father didn't give you
talent; he hadn't any cleverness, nor had
my Oorsister, on she'd never have married
him, but he gave you fine name'' (Lcster-
ley certainly sounds better than Jupp, when
You haven't a banking account, that is),
and he was a handsome man, and you're.
rs said, handsome fool. Now that's
where your chance is. There are plenty of
plain girls with money who don't want
husband with brains-a BARRIERS dummy
that could simper as you do offensive old
brute, even the prospect of loan hardly
u
land, therefore. I'll once more do something
for you. But this is really the last time I'll
lend you moley enough to cut good figure
ut Cowcs. where there are some moncyed
spinsters l know, for my old friend Plum
has house there now he's retired. He'll
put You up. to some good things. Never
mind age or loOks-cash is the thing. Then
you'll be provided for. You require wife
tO keep you; you never could keep wife,
and you ain Worth your salt at any sort of
occupation, unlessit were as a shopwalker,
and then you'd send the ladies to the wrong
departments. So do as tell yos go down
tomorrow, I'll give you the check for e1-
penses now" 20, delightful wordsD II
shall call at your lodgings tomorrow and
pay your rent, tell your landlady, and any
make hit now you needn't expect any
II shan't, uncle, - murmured, gratefully.
swell, whether you do or don't, you won't
get it," said he - he took out his check
book and proceeded to fill up a leaf "If you
can't get your nest feathered now, you can
60 featherless'
With these touching words my uncle
handed me the second check, and nodding
in sign of farewell, immersed himself in his
correspondence Ifelt much relief as left
the associations of tallow behind me, but
not myself until a swift hansom had deposit
ed me at a wcll-known restaurant in the
strand, after-eashing the check on the way.
You arc not to take all my savage uncle's
rudenesses as correct. There were some
things which, could do-and better than
most men. I could waltz exquisitely, and
had q Spanish facility for rolling cigar
cites.
Idincd as gentleman should, and over q
really indispensable bottle of Burgundy re-
Elected on my sCowes expedition. It seemed
great pity that a man with my personal
gifts should be the victim of matrimony;
but even that resource was better than ex-
isting-if men can exist in the proper sense
of the word-on 91OO year. And was in
debt. It's all very well, but you can't ex
pect man of society to look at these things
y like q grubby man of business. l had
expensive tastes, and ought to have had Mr..
Jupp's* money! He had none, except for
vulgarly snowy furniture and old port But
l had various ones, and, in fact, l was not
going to stint myself in the cultivation OF
my refined tastes on account of mere sordid
figures 10, o. the whole, / fancied my
unclo's vulgar Suggestions were worth con-
siderings No ubS such a man 40 IcOuld
easily marry money, but it must be q good
round sum- And I must have a proper
amSunt eottled ON myseif,;and unrestrained
liberty 81 action And after such o mar
riagc, as there would be no need to cultivate
him aIy Hggre;s1 should most decidedly drop
the acauaintsnce Of Mr.. Jupp and his fasaiiy.
Well tho programme fixed for the next
day w6xearfied out completely. arrived
At Cowes, and an obese, short man, in q
dreadful ssdit Of tweeds, asked me If I was
Juppss nephew the moment set foot on the
pier, aadin9, with . ehuclkle, that he knew
me by my description whether this was
complimentary or not did not care to de-
s.so YOURS here for wife.o he began. II
never beae4aout the bush, and Tom Jupp
and Ikn0w III other I've got one looked
outfcr you Il No time like the present. I'll