St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-05-22
IT'S THE WAY OF THE MEN,
The Troubles of the BOwser Fam
lily as Related by the junior

| larry. lie Is simply the average Nus
| band. The average husband knows IL
all without being egotistical. And If
any one has formed the idea that MIR.
| BOwser is obstinate wish to disabnse
| his mind OIL that point. Mr.. BOwser
| never comedies to me. but that isn't
obstinacy. That is simply the way
| OF all husbands.
The other morning / asked Mr.. Bow
| ser il he wouldn't send up carpenter
| to hang the screen door to the kitchen,
| and after moments thought he re-
| piled:
.Im in no hurry this morning and
I'll hang it myself"
''But it's got to have spring on, you
know"
"Well. what of it?''
"Can yOu-yOu-?"
'If can't want to be knocked on
head for an idiot! Tve put on more
door and gate. springs than you've got
| hairs in your head"
| He got the door down from the loft.
| and, after running up and down and
| backwards and forwards for half an
| hour, his assortment Of tools consisted
| of two saws, an augur. brace and a
| bit, plane. a screwdriver and screws,
| square, compass, q miter-bOX and a
tape-line.
''Does it require all these tools to
hang a screen door?' 1 queried.
II may and it may not he replied.
"Can | assist you in any way""
'Can you assist me! Mrs. Bowser,
| you talk as if you didn't regard me as
| half-baked! When [ want your valua-
bic assistance Pll send you word On
postal card!'
| l retired in good order and remained
| out Of sight twenty minutes. When [
| returned he had the door on and seemed
| well satisfied.
you'll have to make slight change
in that. Mr.. Bowser."
"Row?'
"You've hung it top to bottom"
81 have, eh? I'll bet you $40, COG. COG
| to cent haven't"
swell, look at the knob and the catch
| and holdings on the panels"
He was fairly beaten, and he realized
| it, but instead Of acknowledging the
corn he looked at it a moment and then
| quietly said:
Il slipned 1t on that way to see if you
! would notice it, but you'd have let it
| pass if hadn't called your attention to
| it!'
In the course OF half an hour he made
| the change and was putting on the
| spring when l came back. He had
| never put spring On a door in his life.
and it would not have detracted from
| his dignity to ask My advice, but he
| would have died first. He measured for
| it and began to bore hole for the
screw. After he had worked for two
| or three minutes. | asked:
mir. BOwser, which way are you
turning that gimlet?"
"What do you mean?" he demanded
as he stopped work.
'You have been turning to the left"
s'Of course have! Who ever heard
of turning boring tool any other
| way?"
have. You may work all day that
| way and not accomplish anything. That
| gim!et and all other gimiets turn to the
right"
"They do, ELI? What a smart wife T
| have. You had better deliver series
| of lectures OIL mechaniciSm."
evil you turn to the right?''
"NO, na'amw
He bored and bored, determined not
to give in, and at length pushed him
aside and turned the gimlet to the right,
and had it into the wood in no time.
''Didn't tell you so, Mr.. BOwser?"
"Well, the man who made that glmlet
deserves states prison! It's the first
one ever saw that turned to the right,
and had seen millions of them before
you were bOrn."
"Can you put the spring on alone?"
s'Mrs. Bowser," he answered, after
glazing at me in a clilled-steel way for
half minute, ''perhaps | ought to DE
in the idiot asylum, and perhaps | do
not know enough to come in when it
rains. You will Oblige me much by
going into the house and knocking that
sQualllng young 'un on the head"
1t was half an hour before dared
make an excuse to get out again. By
but the door stood open instead of shut.
He was standing in deep study.
IL know what ais it, Mr.. Bowser."
''HOw Shrewd!'
"When you frightened the spring up
you turned it to the right. That throws
the door open. If you'll tighten to the
left the door will spring shut"
He sat down or the steps and looked
at me with twelve different shades of
irony and sarcasm in his expression, and
finally deigned to reply:
s'Will you fix that spring as l tell
you?"
mo. ma'am, l won't! I've been
looking it over, and know where the
trouble ls.- It's spring for left-hand
door. l should have seen it at the out
set if you had't been bothering
II can make that spring work on this
door,"
Mrs. Bowser, wouldn't have your
conceit for no money. No wonder you
haven't single friend in this neighbor-
hood"
II have all l want, and can fix that
spring in two minutes"
Never! You simply wait an OppOr-
tunity to break it. You'd tear the
whole kitchen down for the sake of
carrying your point. Go in and maui
that bowling baby some MORE"
l grabbed the wrench from his hands,
lO0sened the spring and then turned it
the other way, and 10. the door shut
and was held stiff in its place, as was
designed.
''There, Mr.. BOwserr'
s'There what
1.-The spring shuts the door,"
81 don't see it."
'But look: Did you ever see door
work nicer:''
ut doesn't work at ALL"
"But See''
81 see ruined door, Just as ex-
pected to see, and now must get an
entire new screen! Mrs. BrOwser, I
have borne from you until the limit is
about reached. Don't provoke me to des-
peratiOn. Husbands rendered deSper-
ate by persistent and malicious nagging
have been known to arise at midnight
and wipe out the whole family!"