The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-07-10
Bric-A-Brac.

To remove the weeds marry the widow.
WHEN you can get horse at bargain,
drive your bargain. -EIchdnge.
STRANGE to say, the only way to kill
law is not to execute it.-Puc6.
GREATER than he who taketh a city-the
small boy who spent his only five cents for
torpedoes.
STANLEY, the explorer, is like a ladys
pocket. We all know that he is some
where, but no one can find him. Tonkers
Statesman.
A VOICE from the crowd: cone day of in
dependence; three hundred sixty-four of
dependence"
SHE: "All extremely bright men are con-
ceited, any way" He: "Oh, don't know;
/ am ot."-Harydrd Ldmpoon
FoRTY-NINE maids became bachelors at
Vassar commencement. This seems alb
surd, to degree.-Lo1ceU Courier.
al WANT to write letter to the secretary
of the navy. Shall address him as Your
Your Warship'"
The strangost kind of table is the
onion" said Noodle. +" The onion isn't
table," retorted Squibbs. eyes, it is, too.
It's a vegetable. "-Munsey's Weekly.
BAsHFUL young man: "Ahem, Sally"
Sally Well George?" Bashful young
man I" Sally, do you s'pose your ma would
bC w w my
LAWYER QUIBBLE, in a Chicago quarrel:
" You. doctor? Why, you couldn't cure
a haml" Dr. Sawbones: 81" And you sir,
you couldn't try case of lardP'-Puck.
YOUNG MR.. BIBBER, when asked by his
musical lady companion why he went out
between the acts of the Meistersinger, T"
frankly replied, To get an opera-glass."
"HAvE you cigar about you?" " No; 1
don't buy any now" What! and why,
them" Because | want to break you of
the habit of smoking. ''-F2iegende Bldtter.
A MAN in strange village reads the sign:
Ask your druggist for it," He reflects a
moment and says, with grin; " All, see.
This is prohibition town. Texas SUings.
How can you tell poor, cigar without
picture on the box my friend. If the pic
ture is pretty, the cigar is bad "-BoSton
Courier.
Tom: $50 you've been married year!
Now, say, Gus, honest Injun, does your wife
greet you as warmly as she did at first?"
Gus: Warmly? She fires up every time
/ open my mouth"
hair on your shoulder. And your sleeve is
ripped, too" Mr.. Figg: Yes; l put the
hair on there myself, so you'd notice the
ripped place "-Terre Hdute Express.
VERSION of the hymn, 81 was a wan
dering sheep" was translated into English
as to its title by native for traveller, who
heard some children singing it at Constant-
nope thus " | was misled mutton"
AND OH Uncle Silas, had such lovely
time last summer. Four other Vassar girls
and myself took a tramp through the Cat
skills" "Um-m-m; but do you believe,
Elizabeth, that the tramp enjoyed it? -
Time.
HENRY: Yes, Carrie; I love you with
all my heart" Carrie: 1t seems strange,
Henry that you should think so much of
me-" Henry al don't know about
that. There's no accounting for tastes,
you know. "-BoSton Transcript.
Miss ADMIRE: "What frightful expe-
rience Mr.. Dare must have had at Johns
town. Was he frightened or did he keep
cool?" Mr.. Fearless (who was with HIM
"Cool? Why, he was so cool his teeth
chartered. "-Cincinndt Commercial.
IT is told of a pious, well-meaning man
that upon one occasion in Sunday-school he
prayed &C. And bless the superintendent OF
this school, who has led such long, tedious
Christian life." Even the superintendent
could not suppress a smile.-KingSton Free
man.
JUDGE: You were arrested for walking
on the grass in the park-and that, too
right near notice warning you to keer
off" Accused: Eyes. I'm near-sghted
you know, and couldn't make out what
the sign was; so ! went over on the grass &c
read it and was arrested"
Mandy (at a party. to young poeD
"Come, Musey, read us one of your poems.
Musey: You are taking something fol
granted, are you not?" What is that"
" That l am a poet" "We'll go even
further than that; We'll take it for granted
that what you read to us is poetry"
COWBOY (who got the drop on an Okla
homa boomer): "Mosy off this claim, III
give you just half minute to git?'
What'll you do if | don't?'' "Tll blow
your brains out" elbow away. | would
never have been down in this God-forsaker
wilderness if I'd had any. '-Chicdgo Herald
AT fancy dress ball, held recently in
Paris, lady appeared with miniature
Eiffel tower on her head, a yard high. Mex
thing some enemy of man will introduce al
Eitfel tower bonnet for the opera and thea
ter, and then the male amusement-goer vii
tower with rage higher than old Eitfel ever
dreamed of.-NOrriStOWn Herdld.
AN amusing incident occurred in one OF
our down-east churches few months ago
The clergyman gave out the hymn:
:" love to steal awhile away
From every numbering care,
And spend the hour of setting day
In humble grateful prayer"
The regular chorister being absent, tn,
duty developed upon good old Deacon
M, who commenced, 81 love to steal" anC
then broke down. Raising his voice it'll
higher, he then sung, 60 love to steal.
AS before, he concluded he had got thu
wrong pitch and deploring that he had no
his pitch-tuner," he determined to sue
coed if he died in the attempt. By thi
time all the old ladies were tittering benin,
their fans, whilst the faces of the "youn
ones" were all in a broad grin. At length
after desperate cough he made a tina
demonstration, and roared out: {" love t
steal" This effort was too much. Ever
one but the eccentric parson was laughing
He arose, and with the utmost coolnes
said: " Seeing our brothers. prOpenSities
let us pray" 1t is needless to say that bu
few of the congregation heard the prayer
4 Parsons Notebook.