The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
Petty Witticisms.


another form to Hopeful Take dat
an get to yo' book. Fuss thing yo'
know at de zamination yo' woan
know yo' A BIC from yo' alfybet.-
Harper's Bazaar.
what has become of your novel,
Smith," "Well, Pvetried eight pub
fishers with it and they all say it's
a remarkably clever thing, but they
can't accept it," CHATS bad.
What are you going to do with it?''
"Oh, publish it myself and pocket
the profts.-New York World.
Husband-Why do you bother
over Amelia so, my dear? Sheneyer
goes out, nor goes anywhere without
you hover over her as if the girl were
made of glass. Wife-My dear hus-
band, don't you know that she is our
last chance and she is naturally very
delicate.-Epoch.
"What's the matter Smithers-
don't your books balance?" ''No.
The expense side, thanks to my wife's
dressmaker's bills, completely out
weighs the income side. l tell you,
Jones, marriage isn't exactly fail
ure, but it comes mighty near bank
ruptcy. "-Harper's Bazaar.
There was company at dinner and
Bobby's mother was somewhat sur
prised when Bobby refused pie.
"Why, Bobby, remarked one of the
guests, "aren't you fond of pie?"
"Yes, marin. I'm as fond of it as
any little boy but my sister made
that pie. IN. Y. Sun.
Agent-I desire, miss, to leave this
circular with you. 1t refers to a
typewriting school which has just
been started, and in which the art is
taught at the low price Of Pretty
Girl am not interested in type
writing, sir. have resolved never
to marry.-Philadelphia Record.
Miss Romance Cat the theater)-
Note the precision with which that
handsome actor steps across the
stage. Every stride is exactly the
same length. Mr.. Bohemian Ia little
Jealous Yes, that habit of measur-
ing the steps comes from walking on
railroad ties.-PhIadelphia Record.
A San Francisco gentleman owns a
dog on whose collar he has attached
the following legend: ri will not be
responsible for the damage done to
people who persist in discussing
Robert Elsmere' in this dogs hear
ing. He can't stand everything."-
San Francisco Argument.
els there anything SO hard to find
as a needle in haystack?" he said,
with a sudden fash OF meteoric
brilliance. eyes," she responded
softly, sit is quite as hard to find a
naystack in q needle. Did you ever
fnd a haystack in a needle, Mr..
Bradly?"-Washington Post.
"That cider is as sour as vinegar!"
be said, as he stood back from the
bar with disgust on his face. YES"
replied the barkeeper. Doesn't that
sign read Sweet Cider?'" "It does"
"Well then?" "That sign was put
up two years ago. You don't sup
pose you can keep cider sweet for two
years, do you?"-Detroit Free Press.
Guest lat Cincinnati society we'd
ding)-What in the world is the
matter, Mrs. Elite? Why doesn't
the ceremony begin? Hostess-Ohl
Don't ask. It's perfectly awtully.
Our family name will be disgraced.
Mercy! Has your daughter eloped
withsome one else, or has the groom
deserted her at the altar" "Worse.
The beer hasn't come" -Philadel-
phia Record.
Prisoner" said the police magis-
trate, "you are charged with being
found drunk and disorderly on the
street at a late hour. Have you any
thing to say?" Nothing, your hon
or, replied the prisoner. "I'm guilty.
carved my first turkey before a din
ing room full of guests" "My poor
fellow" exclaimed the magistrate,
compassionately, 81 know just how
you felt. Officer. release this man"
Chicago Tribune.
Nominal Mistress-I would like to
a few guests in the parlor
tonight, Bridget. Do you think the
gentleman who calls on you would
mind sitting in the kitchen for once?
Bridget-Indade he would, muml
But Oin tell yes what Oh will do. Oi'li
'chrub the kitchen windys and black
The sthove, and yez can take thin in
here, if yez loikes. It's not the
oikes of a lady like me that I'D be
1isobliging to a woman loike yerself,