Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-09-06
J0KER'S BUDGET.

JOKES On the sun are too far-fetched.
Coon treatment-A plate of ice
cream.
A MAN IN a peck Of trouble is In q
measure to be pitied.
DRINKING rye won't help a man to
attain 3 rye pole age.
THE old reliable permanent head
quarters: the shoulders.
A PATCH is often the sign of poverty,
but not when it is a strawberry patch.
The man who registers at a hotel at
night can be said to be on the retired
list"
WHEN the banks of the canal break
the water Immediately rushes out to
find a receiver.
TOM-Do you like mince pie? Dick
Yes, when it isn't according to cook
ing school receipts.
WHAT straits are most periIous ?"
asked the teacher, and a little boy
cried out Whisky straightsl"
S1uTH-Tones, what did you get for
pumping the water out of Green's cell
lar? JOnes-The rheumatism.
WHEN a domestic hen goes into the
brush to make her nest it is because
" seu
She feels like laying off.
Mrs. GADD-Does your boy take
after you or his father? Mrs. Gabb-
He takes after his father. You never
can believe a word he says.
HE-I wonder which of those two
young ladies is his sister? She-Why,
the brunette, of course. Didn't you
notice that she had to put on her wrap
herself?
SARAH ANN-Oh, this awful railroad
junction Here we are for five hours
with absolutely nothing to read. Mary
Jane (sottO yOce)-Say! why couldn't
we read your hustle?
"YoURs is an agricultural country,
isn't it ?" asked man on the limit of
his new acquaintance from Dakota.
eyes, pardner." what do you raise
mostly?" Jack pots"
TOM-Have you seen Dick recently?
HaTry-Yes, 1 saw him yesterday going
after a doctor. He was in hurry, /
suppose" mo; he was getting a doc
tor for his mother-in-Iaw."
WIFE-This is the third time you
have come home drunk this week.
Hubby-D-dOn't be so p-pessimistic,
my dear. You should think of the four
nights I came home sober.
ToM-Have you proposed to Miss
Bell, yet? Dick-NO; there's a rumor
in circulation to the effect that her
father has lost all his money, and I'm
just waiting to learn the truth.
YEARS ago Lydia Thompson publicly
hOrswhipped Mr.. Story, editor of the
! Chicago Times. When she was In that
! breezy city a spell ago she passed the
Times building one day and softly
murmured, "The old, old Story"
ma, said Bobby, els it wrong for lit
tie boys to tie tin kettles to dogs tail 2"
Decidedly wrong, Bobby; hope you
! never do such thing as that. "NO,
ind eed, ma" replied Bobby emphati-
cally; "all [ do is to hold the dog"
SHE-O, George, I think ma is too
mean for anything. She said last night
| if I ever married she would give the
! piano to, my little sister Heidi she
! By the way, dear, I'm ready to marry
! you at any time now. The Last obstacle
! has been removed.
A FEW days ago q fond mother
/ noticed that her little six-year-old son
! visited a particular corner in the gar
| den quite often, and watched his move
ments. Going to where he was
stopping one day, she saw him examin-
ing a feather he had pulled out of the
| ground, to see if it had sprOuted. His
mother inquired his object in planting
the quill, when the yOungster re-
piled: Hum! I guess I am going to
raise chickens as well as anybody"