Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-10-17
UNCLE SILkS VISITS TOWN.a
An Elevated Railroad Brakeman Tackled
Him, but is Quickly Squelched.

HIM. put IS Quickly Squelehed.
Uncle Silas Bowerson came in from
Scrub Grass to visit US last week, saws
the New York World, and it afforded a
reporter much pleasure to show him
around the town.
"Them yaller shoes said Silas,
thoughtfully, s'are the dangdest things
out" and he turned around to watch
party of young men in the latest cut
of tans. 1--WE hain't got none of them
down at Scrub Grass yet, but when I
go home blamed if I don't paint but
tons on my bare feet and introduce the
style"
Uncle Silas furnished considerable
diversion to the crowd when we got on
the elevated to 60 uptown. He lin
gered moment to read a sign, and
the brakeman said, as usual:
"Step lively, old Beeswax, step live
ly."
"Who are you calling old Bees
waxP" exclaimed Uncle Silas, as he
stopped with one foot on the platform
to discuss.
"Get inside so the sun won't fade
your whiskers," exclaimed the guard,
81 paid for the paint on these whis-
kers, an I'll get inside when I'm good
and ready retorted Uncle. s.I've
dropped my nickel in the SLOT an |
don't want any song from you or over
you CO." and he made gesture with
his arms as if he would drop him over
into the street. ''They can't build
their elevated roads too elevated that I
won't throw a sassy body-snatcher
clear over the trussle if take the no.
ton, an I'm darned notionate when
I'm in town."
Uncle had got inside the car, the gate
was closed and the train was under
way. He had INSTRUCTED the passage
of dozen people, and yet it was evil
dent he had the sympathy of the
crowd.
"This hain't the first time these fell
lers has hit me with an AK" he went
on, in very loud tone, San I'm liable
to hurt some more of 'em before | get
out of town."
"Give it to 'em, old man. came an
encouraging voice from the seats.
"Bet yer life the old man I'll give it
to 'em. The other day asked one of
the jumpin'-jacks how many blocks it
was to city hall, an he said 'plock
head Well, | done him up right
there, an see by the newspaper next
mornin' that he was in the museum
exhibitin' how it was possible for
man to live with broken neck. I
don't want to lick a man every time I
take scent ride, but I'm in town fer
fun an I'm not crawlin' under the bed
to get away from it. If man insults
me he's got the best of it till git back
at him." and he made a feint at the
discouraged guard, who retreated
across the platform. Uncle was very
red in the face and very earnest, and
seemed to be getting more so. He
held both clinched fists above his
head, as if to better fill his lungs, and,
still glowering at the guard, exclaim-
ed:
"Jes' stop yer wagon at the next
martin-box, an step out on the stoop,
or stoop out on the step, and I'll do
the Sullivan act fer yer till yer cocoa
nut will swim like bladder in a whirl-
pool!'
The guard retreated to the next car,
Uncle retired to a seat master of the
situation and the passengers applaud
ed. Uncle acknowledged the compile
ment by remarking:
''I'm in town fer a week TO see the
sights, an any of these supers can find
me if they want to. If the notion don't
seize EN- till I'm out of town my adj
dress is Scrub Grass, Scrub Grass town.
ship, an they won't have to inclose a
stamp to git a reply"
From the way Uncle Silas was en-
cored it appears that the elevated guard
is not popular person, and the man
who resents his impertinence is liable
to exalt himself in the estimation of the
pnOnla