New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-07-10
WORK OF THE W MS.

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ways be cured by holding in The hand
a certain root that Of the tooth.
Executing murd erers by electricity
will be a grim illustration Of the we'll
known saw that lightning does not
strike twice in the same spot.
a Washington paper appropriate
~ remarked during the. recent heavy
rains: sThe secretary Of the navy
has plenty ofWater right at his door.
Where's his navy?''
Some slanderers assert that paper
makers are the greatest magicians
Of the age, inasmuch as they trans
form beggars' rags into sheets for
the editors to lie on.
Here's the way an old Scotch
preacher ended a prayer, and hit the
nail on the head: '.And bless the
poor, and bless the rich, who after
their funerals will be poor
He had declared his passion and
was feverishly awaiting her reply.
MIR. Samson" she said, and her
voice sounded like a ]1nell, Etthe let
ter which you SO kindly offered to
post for me two weeks ago has never
reached it's destination. Farewell
1t is generally observed that per-
sons OF about forty years, especially
young ladies of that age, are forget
tul ofthose with whom they were ac-
quainted in childhood This remark
able dimness of memory has been
very appropriately styled "the dark
ness OF the middle ages. y
A little fellow, in turning over the
leaves of scrap-book came across
the well-known picture of some chick
ems just out Of the shells. He exam
med the picture carefully, and then,
with a grave, sagacious look, slowly
remarked: .They came out eos
they was afraid Of being boiled
:Papa,' said the fair. girl, with a
touch OF sadness in her tones, Il
have received a note from William
saying you kicked him as he left the
house last night 'sYes,'' replied
papa. II have always paid your ex-
penses, and | footed this Bill merely
to be consistent. brakes Maya
zine.
Not long ago at a public examina-
ton, an eccentric examiner demand
ed: ''What views would King Alfred
take of universal suffrage, the con
scription, and printed books, if he
were living now?" The ingenious
pupil wrote in answer, eff King Al
fred were still alive he would be too
old to take any interestin any thing"
Henry (married six m months ~ fear
my wife's love is growing cold. She
used to come to the office two or
three times day, but she never
comes now. What shall I do? Frank
you a typewriter? ''No, but
| can get one Cheap 'sDo so. Then
get a pretty girl to operate it, and
your office will be full of your wife"
New York Sun.
The papers have had their
fun over the Chicago girls feet, and
their low water mark dresses; but
the laugh is now on the Chicago
lawyer who in examining witness,
asked him the size Of the hoof prints
left by a horse in sandy soil, and
said: "Were they as large as
my hand!" holdingitup. Witness,
ooh, no, it was just an ordinary
hoof"
Mrs. Skinnphlint lin great alarm)
Send somebody for the doctor,
quick! The baby goshold ofmy purse
just now and swallowed a SIS. gold
Mr.. skinnphlint (picking up the
pocketbook and looking through it)
You're mistaken, Alvira. The five
dollar gold piece is here all right. It
was that old copper cent the baby
swallowed. 1t won't pay to call in
the doctor just for that.
'Boy, you have been fighting
said a pedestrian to a lad on Crog-.
han-st., who had bloody
nose. "Yes.o you shouldn't fight.
Brute strength does not settle a
principle. cit dom eh! Well, you
just bet it did in this case. There.
was a Teller who said my mother was
as homely as a monkey, and licked
him until he owned up that she was,
twice as handsome as Mrs. Langtry.
Don't it settle that my mother is
ahead?''
Comparisons are odious, as every
one must have heard, again and
again, but thoughtless people will
persits in making them. A young
doctor, wishing to make a good i'm
preston upon a German farmer, mem
toned the fact that he had received