Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-10-30
OUR SOCIETY GIRLS.
How Their Behavior Is Apt tc
 Strike Well-Bred Foreigners.

One Of the chief things that strikes an European who visits this country for the first time, writes Clara Lanza in the Louis vile Cour'icr-Jou,mal, is the manners-or shall say the want of them?-displayed by Young America in society, and particularly by our girls, who are supposed to have re- ceived liberal educations. The foreigner has been accustomed to sec the young lady Of his own nation carefully reared beneath the benign glow of her mothers influence, until matrimony sets her free. And even when the daughter is permitted to take the relnS Of government into her own hands and be complete mistress of her own con- duct, it may be doubted whether he has ever witnessed, among persons of supposed refinement, the conspicuous, sans-facon
 manners that characterize the New York belle.
 | Abroad politeness, dignity and graceful demeanor are taught to child when it Just begins to toddle about the nursery, and later quiet graciousness and courtesy arc as much portion of the daily list of studies to be required as are history, geography and languages. Manners are considered most important element in the bearing of a truly refined man or woman. Here, on the con- trary, girls head is crammed with ab- struce learning of all kinds she is sent to dancing-school and her taste in dress care fully and richly cultivated; yet despite the 1act that her parents may be, and usually are, persons of culture, but scant attention 1 IS paid to good manners. It appears to be 1 taken for granted that Emily or Edith, who | have before them the shining example of the whole world, past and present, will have sense enough to observe and discover for themselves what is proper and what is not. l If they fail to do SO, it makes little differ ence, because every body knows their l grandfather was Won Dinkelspiel, and l that consequently the finest quality of blue 1 blood flows in their veins therefore, trifling l solecisms on the part of the girls ought to
 pass unrebuked. Unhappily for our social
 customs, the stately old adage of ''noblesse
 oblige" has not yet obtained in this repub- 1 acan land. We are justly proud of our de- | mocracy, but the most loyal of us will see l no reason to be puffed up with satisfaction l regarding our manners.
 It IS hardly desirable to ask our girls to 1 pattern their behavior upon the maxims laid down by Lord Chesterfield, who in his | unbounded zeal to make fine gentleman of | his son would, had the latter implicitly acted upon his fathers advice, have turned | him into an intolerable prig, whose good | manners were utterly buried under an l avalanche of selfishness and vanity. But 1 some of this nobleman's methods will bear prolonged attention. By manners," he observes on one occasion, 'sI do not mean bare common civility: every body must have that who would not be kicked out of company; but mean engaging, insinuating, shining manners; a distinguished polite ness and almost irresistible address, a superior gracefulness ill all you say and do. l It is this alone that can give to all your | other talents their full luster and value." This advice is as significant to-day as it | was 125 years ago The society girl of the | present would do well to study it. During the past season she has been carefully | studied, and found in many cases to be loud in conversation, slangy and opinionated She is ready to argue with gray haired phil | osophers, and to relate Rabelaisian anec- dote. She loads her conversation with French phrases as she decks her person with French clothes; she is noisy, rest l less, and fond of horse-play. Her greeting to an acquaintance consists
 of condescending smirk, an ex- pressionless stare and a peculiar twist of
 the head, which does duty for more gra- | clous salutatlon. She comes into the room | with flop and leaves it with rush. At | numerous fashionable dinners this winter | Miss Debutante has been seen with both elbows on the table nursing her chin. Why
 nots She has been used to sitting that way
 ever since wee child she wore a bib and
 ate pap at the nurses table, and the habit has never been checked. Naturally, the Wtll-UICu 1Iltlu UT WOlQdu LOOKS on ag0aSC. But Miss Debutante is blissfully uncon-
 scious that any thing is wrong. She is firmly convinced of her own importance, and she fancies her bump of propriety is very marked. Of course, her mother is to
 blame for this lamentable ignorance. We all know that American parents are the most lenient in the world, that their affection, though often mistaken and misplaced, is so whole-souled and sincere as to render them IC1,1 Oft fa<, bat fho;,, human beings and not angels. There are no children in any civilized country on the face of the globe that are so spoiled and petted as the Americans. There are others that
 are allowed, as it were, to live their own
 lives, independently of the continual guid-
 ance of father or mother. In other lands
 than ours the children of ladies and gentle
 men grow up to be ladies and gentleman
 also. And the effect of this superior culture
 is not lost upon the less fortunate classes. I
 have seen a French washerwoman enter a
 room with polite salutation, a graceful
 gesture and softly-spoken ''Bon jour- ma
 dame," that would not be out of place in our
 code of etiquette, and which makes me re-
 gret that the curtseys of our grandmothers
 have been rendered obsolete by our so-called
 progress There is no form of salu-
 tation more digniied and charming
 than a curtsey, not the mincing or bob
 ping reverences taught by dancing masters,
 but the graceful inclination that we asso-
 ciate with "ladies of the old schools
 In country that boasts of an established
 aristocracy name is an indication of social
 standing, but in America Mrs. Montgomery
 Jones may be a lady or she may not No body perhaps knows positively whether she
 ever had grandfather, and therefore her
 position, education and breeding are to be
 judged by her manners and by nothing else.
 Our American women do not sufficiently
 consider this point, when they allow their
 daughters to behave in way that would