The Bossier banner., 1889-08-22
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
a Number of Valuable Suggestions and
Reflections.

Number of Valuable Suggestions and
Reflections.
We extract the following from the
last issue of the Arizona Kicker:
A REMEDY.-We would suggest to
the Postmaster General that he drop a
line to the postmaster of this town
reading: ''Major Bill Perl5ins-Sir:
Either attend to biz or git, and I'd a
little rather you'd git. So would the
people of your town. Yours truly, and
don't be over week making up your
mind what course to take.
Too PREvIoUs.-Ever since Harri-
sons election Colonel Hank Taylor, of
this town, has been sweating the color
out of his blue suspenders in running
after Office. The office he wanted was
boss of the Custom House, and he has
been figuring that if he got it he would
raise asparagus in his front yard,
horse-radish in the back, and put on
all the style they do in Chicago. 1t
was only yesterday that he suddenly
became aware of the fact that we have
no custom house here for him to boss.
What he had always supposed was a
government institution of the kind,
turned out to be Desnoyer's storage
house for bones. Colonel Hank has
our sympathy in this his hour OF deep
est trial, but that's the best we can do.
We are in no situation to either lend
him shirt or trust him for groceries.
1t MAKES Us SAD.-Mrs. Judge
Shiver passed the Kicker Office at
eleven o'clock Tuesday night in a state
of happy inebriation, being on her way
home from high lager beer given by
Mrs. Prof. Westenhouse at her elegant
mansion on Bronco Place. Mrs. Judge
was dragging her new bonnet along
the ground by the starboard tie and
softly singing about pansy blossoms.
We were sitting on the front steps in
the gentle moonlight, thinking of the
past and gone, and the event saddened
US more than we can express. We had
mother once. She was not beautiful,
and splitting wood while our dear
father talked politics at the grocery
made her lop-shouldered, but she was
good and temperate. Suppose she had
been in the habit of getting slewed?
Where would we have been to-day?
Instead of being at the head of great
weekly paper like the Kicker, which
also runs harness shop, grocery, feed
store and bazar in connection, all un-
der one economical management and
the same roof, we should doubtless
have inhabited convict garb in some
State prison. Veni, vidi, curanter,
which. if we remember correctly,
means: "The mother makes the man
what he is.
A SUGGEsTIoN.-We have nothing
in particular against the Government,
neither do we wish Indian Agent Bab-
cock any harm. 1t seems to be our
duty, however, to call the agents at
tention to the fact that he is making an
ass of himself and that he can resign
any time within the next three weeks.
If we were running this Government
we'd run him head first into the soil
about the first thing we took hold OF
after breakfast Monday morning.
THANKS. Judge Burrows entered the
Kicker Office the other day in his usual
quiet and dignifed manner and laid
three cucumbers on our table and with
drew. They are of his own raising,
and of superior breed and finish. We
thank the Judge from the bottom of our
heart. Such things prove to the editor
that he is not forgotten. We shall pub
lish two-column sketch of the judge
next week.
UNKNOWN FRIENDS. time dur
ing Monday night some kind-hearied
but unknown friend left piece of rope
about fifteen feet long, beautifully
noosed, on our steps as a present foR
our faithful work in this community.
We took it in and shall treasure il
highly. The editors of the World,
Herald, Times and other New York
sheets toll from sun to sun and are
hardly known, by name. Scarcely
day passes that we do not receive dead.
head tickets and beautiful little me-
mentoes to prove that the busy world
is not too busy to remember us. Catrn
SOILS. Which means, tbs weH.-Detroif
Free Press.