Morning journal and courier., 1889-10-02
milk ELY.

Not Unlikely: Lawyer-"Do you swear
positively, sir, that you know more than half
this Jury I" Witness-t'Yes, sir; and now
that 1 have taken a good look at 'en,, I'll
swear that know more than all of 'em-put
together. Puck.
Her Own Fault.-Sympathetic friend
Chow are you and Miss Fanny coming on?"
Conceited dude-''She gave me the grand
bounce. She said she did not like me. Silly
creaturei When girl don't like me she has
got nobody but herself to blame for it."-
Texas Siftings.
A thief who broke into London house
some mornings ago was forced to hide in the
music room, and for four hours compelled to
hear the various members of the family take
piano lessons. Then he came from his CON-
cealment and begged to be taken to a police
station.-New York Sun.
First Burglar-"Whas do you mean by
showing yourself on the street in this ways
Don't you know that the police are after
afraid of being recognized" First B.-"Why
not9' Second B.-"Because fifteen news
papers have published outs of mo-"
He-"This is nice state of things, and
we are only four months married. Pm al
most crazy at seeing you gadding about with
my old rival. You recollect what you
promised at the altarl" She-'Indeed
don't dear. was SO nervous then that
don't remember the least thing."-Life.
Mountaineer (watching crowd examine
the pavement in Maiden Lane during his
first visit to New York)-"Let me hev a
squint at her trail" Polieeman-'tStand
hack. There's diamond lost, and you oan-
not pass" Mountaineer-"Humphl Beg
yer pardon. thought they was trackin' a
boss ef."-Jewelers' Weekly.
Good for the Health.-Jenks (who has
taken to horseback riding, and bounces
about ten inches at every step)-"Ahl
Howdy-do Binks. I think horseback rid
ing is good for the health, don't youi"
Blinks-"Yes, indeed. All who see you
will be benefited. Laugh and grow fat,
you know."-New York Weekly.
"Did you ever notice." remarked Mrs.
Minde, chow prone men are who have ao-
quired the habits of swearing, drinking and
erationi" eyes," replied Fogg, "it is edd; 1
don't understand 1t, bat ii is probably for
the same reason that girl babies are taught
to laugh by their mammas. Tran
script.
Mr.. Jason-"Why amt supper ready, I
want to knowf Mrs. Jason-tT was down
town and got caught in the rain without an
umbrella. had to wait in a store until the
storm was over" Mr.. Jason-"So you did
have sense enough to 60 in out of the rain,
eha Well, you are not an entire fool" Mrs.
Jason-"No, only the better half Of one."-
Terre Haute Express.
Too much: Kind lady-"Here is an old
dress coat of my husbands that you might
wear" Tramp-"What, before sundowna No,
madam; appreciate the kindly motive which
has prompted you to offer me this small to-
ken, but-a dress coat before sundown! Has
| it indeed come to this." and gathering the
remnants of flannel shirt around him, he
| strobe majestically away and was soon los,
| to view.-Clothier and Furnisher.
It is only in the comic newspaper that the
small boy gets doubled up by eating greer
apples and gives the undertaken job. The
small boy in real life will start out nutting IL
the morning, and before he returns home in
the evening he will have put himself outside
| of half peck of green apples, q dozen big
turnips, quart of ehestnuts and three pintf
of spring water, AID attack his supper with
the appetite of a hslf-starved bear. Mex
morning he feels well enough to repeat hi
| tramp and feast.-Norristown Herald.