Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-07

bubbles percolating from time to time, This
gas had slight odor resembling the tomb of
the Capulets. The doctor placed large in
verted sheet iron funnel over the cistern and
to the apex he attached pipe leading to his
kitchen stove. By changing the CRATE a
little, he was enabled to utilize this gas for
cooking and heating purposes for many
years before any great notice was taken of
il. Being of an inventive turn of mind, he
arranged a scheme by which he was enabled
to light the fire in the morning without get
ting out of bed.
stead of calling out the band, they take him
to the biggest gas well and touch it off ior
him. So far it has worked very well,
except in the case of the Honorable
Daniel W. Voorhus, who was think
ing over the late war at the time
the well was blown up, and he
was so startled that he ran all the
way to indianapolis, it is said, surrendering
to every one he met on the way. He was
heard to say as he poulticed his immortal
soul with hagon of Matt Henning's Cele-
brated Anodyne for Man and Beast, that he
would rather fill a drunkard's grave any
day than to be scared to death in foreign
strand.
AN OPEN LETTER TO NEW.
Referring to politics in Indiana, have
taken the precaution to furnish the follow
ing letter of introduction to Colonel John
c. New, so that he will hardly have q
chance to feel lonely while in London:
"KoKoMUs, IND, March 20, 1889.
''Mr. A. E. Guelph, Room IS Marlborough
House;
'DEAR PRINCE-This will introduce to
your notice my friend, Colonel John C.
New, who goes among you in kindly
spirit, representing our Government in q
commercial way. Show him the town and
introduce him to your mother. Should the
Queen ever play old sledge at eventide she
will find Colonel New an excellent partner,
yet always keeniy alive to the importance
of turning jack at the proper time.
Colonel New is a scholarly man. vet with
al, simple and unassuming in his manners.
He is the most democratic Republican /
ever knew. would like to impress on YOU
also the importance of cultivating friendly
diplomatic relations with him. He is the
editor of the indianapolis Journal, a paper
whose friendship means a great deal to a
rising young prince. Do not offend Colonel
New, for he can injure you very much if he
should take notion, especially in Indiana.
Some day you are liable to be king, in
stead of the red-faced nine spot that you are
at this time. When that day comes, Bert,
you don't want the indianapolis Journal
down on you. As King of Great Britain
and Mortgage of Ireland you should have
the press on your side ere you begin to
reign. IT / were in your place / would, on
presentation of this letter at the hands of
Colonel New, Immediately open up friendly
Diplomatic relstions with America by SUBJ
scribing for the Journal for year, includ-
ing the Sunday edition. This will do Won
no harm, but, on the other hand, it will
show that you take an interest in us. If 1
could see you for few hours could give
YOU some points on the policy for you to
pursue on assuming the portfolio of king.
which would make your reign perfectly
solid with the people and give you steady
lob as long as you live.
PAT IN POKER AND POLITICS.
"Colonel New can tell you good many
things about it and how to work your home
conventions and primaries in the interest of
harmony. He is the greatest man for har-
mony you ever saw. Ii he cannot be har-
monious he asks to be excused from the
game. MANY years ago he played a very
good conservative game of poker, but when
he became a newspaper man, he came out
and took higher ground. You might pos
sibly again awaken his interest in the game.
could not promise.
Colonel New was the gentleman who,
many years ago, when the country was also
new and infested with bears, and rattle
snakes were so plentiful that a sober man
took his life in his hand, as you might say,
sat up quite late in the evening playing
draw poker with two of his friends and a
stranger who was short one eye. The party
played pretty stiff game up to II O'Clock,
II is stated, and the gentleman with one eye
had all the stakes. At this moment Colonel
New arose, and, putting a little machine
oil on the mechanism of q large, eight
pound revolver which he had in his over