The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-02-02
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The confectioner is supposed tc
make his candy over bon-bon fire.
Puck.
What zone is Ireland in?" asked
the teacher, and the class unanimously
replied: ''The Ozone. IN. Y. Sun.
-Wife-'This light is veEy poor
The gas seems to be lower with every
week" Husband-"So it does; but
the bill is all right. 1t gets higher
every time. Quaker.
Highway robberies grow more
common as winter comes on" says a
newspaper. The loss of the summer
hotel will not be felt so keenly after
all.-Merchant Traveller.
Miss DePert (unfeelingly)-'"This
is, perhaps, the first refusal you have
received. Mr.. DeTon?" Mr.. De T.
(sarcastically)-"And perhaps the first
you have ever given, Miss Mauve.
Town Topics.
While we are talking about COM
pulsory education, wouldn't it be q
good idea il the teachers, as q rule,
were compelled to know just little
more than their pupils Chicago
Times.
There are good many editors
giving learned opinions about hog
cholera, who do not know enough about
the disease to tell the difference be-
tween a cholera germ and sugar
cured ham.-Iowa State Register.
In Connecticut they find use for
almost every thing. An old lady in
that State is collecting all the political
papers she can lay her hands on to
make soap of. She says they are
"desput sight better than ashes; they
are almost as good as pure lie."
THE reason why the Dying Glad
iator is SO much admired is-because
he keeps his mouth shut. He is very
different from our modern gladiators,
who go all over the country blowing
about what they are going to do as
soon as they get into condition.
Puck.
The writer of book ON dancing
estimates that eighteen waltzes are
equal to about fourteen miles of straight
work. The fatigued girl, too languid
to help her mother about the house,
can do eighteen waltzes in an evening
when she wishes to be particularly
agreeable.-N. o. Picayune.
Tough Luck.-First Stage Robber
What did you git, yesterday. Jer-
ry?" Second Robber-"Nothin'. There
wasn't nobody in the stage 'ceptin' a
lawyer. two plumbers and a prima
donna, an professional courtesy
wouldn't allow me to touch 'em, of
course.-Terra Haute Express.
Il declare" exclaimed Miss Fogg.
rs she vainly endeavored to dissect the
turkey, ''if you are not the poorest
man to do marketing. This turkeys
as old as Methuselah." Possibly"
replied Fogg, unabashed; ''but, my
dear. it is female bird, and courtesy
to the sex prevented me from inquiring
about her age boston Transcript.
-"When a man dies suddenly, with
out having been attended by DOCTOR"
says u popular guide to the law, ''the
coroner has to be called in and an in
quest held to ascertain the cause OF
death. But" adds the writer, ''when
he dies after having been attended by
a doctor, everybody knows why he
died, and an inquest is not necessary"
N. Y. Ledger.
The GLORIOUS uncertainty Of the
law" is proverbial; but it is little
singular, whom one comes to think Of
it, that this uncertainty never inures
by accident, or otherwise, to the bene-
fit of the honest man or the public. 1t
is always the criminal who profits by
the uncertainty. The courts do not
discover fly specks in indictments or
commitments which enable the public
to get firmer and more lasting hold
on the law breakers. And those acct
dents with the indebted is and I'M
crossed is are unearthed in the inter
est OF rascals and rascality. Detroit
Free Press