Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-11-22
BILL SNORT IN THE WHITE
hoosf e4(T
How Harrison Received The News
From virsinia-He Visits Mayor
Grant and Talks About The
RAY Worlds Fair-+A Visit to re-
Grants Tomb. ~ IA
ny ALEX. E swEEr1s TEXAS sIprIsos.

Grants Iomb. ~ n a
BY,ALEx. swEErM TEXAS sIPTISas
- \ WAsIINGroN, Nov. IL.
My DEAR JoHNNY;-On election
night, Harrison and'myself sat up to
receive The returns. Nothing quite
so sad has eyer occurred In Wash
lngton since the deatL oi Sir John
Moore.
4 L was detailed to receive the dis.
patches, figure out the Republican
gains, and announce the, glad tidings
10 Harrison. Pretty soon 1t began 10
dawn on me that it- dssolved on mo
| Bill Snort 70 gently break the news
oi,ihe accident 70 tho nhsuspecting
survivor. = 49, > . ~ 3 A.
"Another Democratic funeral, 1
lsuppose,p said Harrison, rubbing his
Hands gieefully. ---a''- @'-'-' ''ss'F -
"Thero Is no doubt about its being
a funeral, butit ID notprecisely asat-
isfactory sort of funeral TO us Har-
rison Rcpublicans."
"Eh 70 exclaimed the President. aa-.
"Man born Of woman goeth forth
In the morning, warbling like lark,
aud whou. the returns are counted at
aventide the ubdeftaker hath already
got him, IN his ice box. III other
words, Mr.. President, on election day
the Republican candidate arrsyeth
mlnsclf in his'winterf psuts for the
time, but, 10, andE behold, ,the DEM
ocratic wasp hath made hur nest
therein, aud she proldeth him With
a sting as long as u barber pole, aud
lsugheih him to tcorn,n said |, break
ing It as gently as possible. is
"Col Snort, will you, please drop
metaphors, and let me know II Ma.
bone is gaining ground"
"Not dium was heard, nor . funeral note
A L,s eorss DER the rsmparta we hurried"
Col. Snort, is-Mahone-gaining
--grouud2"-f - = "A
"Yes, Malone is gaining ground-sI
downward. lie has aspired. con-
spired.an now he has expired" Then
| read out the long list Of tho killed
and wounded and few Of the sick |
ening details, whereupon, to use the |
language OF Scripture, "king Bel
shszzAr's counienance was changed,
aud his thoughts troubled him. so
that tue joints 0f his loins were loosed
and his knees smote one against the
other. and he remembered the words |
OF Snort the Prophet. Jeremiah |
XIV, 2ith verse. iis.a,
might have prodded Harrison
about how he had neglected to follow
the Prophets advice, but l didn't
have the heart to do II, he made such
a poor mouth. Bill Snort Is not the
msu to throw red pepper In the eye
Of potato, particularly when the
potato Is as small one as Harrison
Il. ~'rrs'' -. ---- ~ sFe Il
write these lines from New York
city, where | am visiting my friend,
May Grant. On entering his Office
| noticed that he looked sad.
"Well, lIughey, old boy, for
man you don't look as
hsppy as you ought" said |. /
Col Snort, did you ever get up
Worlds Fairs for New York citylp
II never have made . practice Of
it.n
"Then don't talk, Snort" i
"Am to understand that the rich |
people OF New York refuse TO ANTE
upy"rs .
Yes, avsrice pinches ur their souls
until they rest In their bodies like
the pith in goose-quill. Stipgy?l /
Why. some OF them would carry a
mosquito to dentist and ask him |
how much he would give for its
teeth. Col. Snort, there are some
rich men In New York who are 90
ronfoundedly stingy. that II their
were to give them coat
Of tar and festhers they would try to
pawn 1t. Like one Of these pointer
logs, when they get on scent they
never let 70 Of IL. When one of these
rich New Workers whangs q copper
cent into tho contribution box he
leans back with a twenty dollar air
Df benev olence. The subscriptions to
the S5,OO0,000 fund are pouring into
Ihe treasury at the rate ofla dollar
and half q week. expected 1t 10
pour in much faster, but. between
what we want and what we get there
Is fearful chasm. The Alpine gla-
sier that travels at the rate Of two
inches a year is q toboggan slide |,
with the gait Of
the rich New Yorker on
like this. Con1dentially,
Snort, 1t gals me to represent such a
,uide lot of milllonaires. They are
Is immovable as man painting
house by the day, They couldn't
get out Of the way Of lame horse
still. Now I feel better" II
just at this crisis, an excited man
rushed into our presence waving
letter over his head and shouting,
sVictoryl Victoryp be was the
chairman of the Worlds Fair finance
and somewhat Of au
Il,
"Has another gentleman subscribed
|. dollarp asked Grant, who was
evidently poking fun at the chair
man. ,Tl t-I.lgg5
"Charlie Knickerbocker has plank
ID down TWO dollarsw shrieked the
excited man. 1,
"This is really great news, Very