Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-28
TALE OF A SENATOR'S WIFE'S PUP.
knowledge of Family History an Aid to
Office Seekers.
LIJR HALFORD THE COMING HUMORIsT
ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE D1spArcH.I

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quit comes from that State, you know, and
he can give your man Wanamaker points
in the game and lay him out cold. Well,
maybe you've met Bill Brown, who wanted
postofice down in Georgia. He can beat
all creation praying when he once gets
started, and has something particular to
gain by it, There were two or three other
fellows after the place, and they had as
good or better backing than he had, and it
looked as though Bill would be knockedout.
One day at the White House ne happened
to catch the President when he wasn't
pushed by the gang for few minutes, and
he cleyerly turned the subject from Office
seeking to church matters. 1t cropped out
in moment that he belonged to the same
denomination as Harrison, and the Presi-
dent was interested at once and began to
ply him with questions in regard to the con-
dition of the church in the South. Just as
Bill was getting warmed up the game was
interrupted by the entrance of a new player;
but the President was so anxious to hear the
end of Bills yarn that he actually asked
him to call that evening and have long
talk about church affairs in the South.
AN OFFICE SEEKERS SCHEME.
"You can bet Bill was on hand. and he
entertained Mr.. Harrison in great style for
an hour or two. When he thought it was
about time to go he suddenly broke out
with immense religious fervency: Brother
Harrison, am told you have family pray
ers morning and evening, and nothing
would give me so much satisfaction as to
join you before co. OF course Harrison
could not object and the game was started.
The whole family was there, except the ba-
bies, who had been put to bed, and Bill
was asked TO lead. He made a grand bluff
at first jump. and played some passage in
the Biole that contained the words, What
soever ye ask in my name it shall be given
you, and then he chose the hymn most ex-
pressiye of his feelings, Plunged in gulf
of dark despair and then they all got
down on their knees, and from what Bill
tells me he made the greatest effort of his
life. Of course he wouldn't be so profane
as to repeat his prayer, but 1t must've been
a corker, for from that moment he had a
sinch on the postofice, and few days after
got the appointment
THE SENATOR'S PUP.
'I know one which is pretty near as good
as that" said another office seeker, who had
listened to the Arkansaw Travellers story.
"You know Senator Blank; we'll, friend
of mine had to have his backing for place,
but the Senator had another man. NY
friend went there time after time to per-
suade the Senator that it would be to his in
terest to espouse his cause, but the Senator
couldn't see il, and my friend was in despair.
Every time he went there high bred little
dog, the pet of the Senator's wife; would
come into the reception room and jump up
in his lap. He hated dogs, but he didn't
dare to Kick the phist out of the room, be-
cause, you know, an Office seekers got to
take anything, even from dog. One day
he heard the Senator's wife give instruc-
tions to the boy in the hall to be careful not
to allow the dog to escape from the house,
as she would rather her husband would lose
the Senatorship than that she should lose
that pup.
A HAPPY THOUGHT.
"a bright idea struck my friend. The
dog was one of these little things, no bigger
than minute, and as my friend went out
he stuck the phist in his overcoat pocket,
and carried it off to his room. The next
morning he saw in the papers an advertise
ment Offering a large reward for the recov-
cry of the animal. When he called that
day he found the Senator's house in mourn
ing. Buttons had been discharged from
tending door, detectives had been employed,
and the city was being secured for the dog.
He said nothing. The following day he
called with the pup, inquired for the Sena-
tors wife, told a romantic story of how he
had in his anxiety about his appointment
wandered down into the dismal region of
Murder Bay, and had there recognized her
dog in possession of an evil looking negro,
and by paying literally had got it back.
Mrs, Blank was SO oyerjoyed that she wept,
and, what was more interesting, protested
that anything my friend wanted in the way
of an Office he should have, or else she would
apply for divorce from her husband; and
you can bet my friend used the situation for
all it was worth. He got the office he
wanted and the other fellow had to take an
other place.
HE KNEW HIS MAN.
SWELL" said another bystander, riff your
friend had known all about the Senator's
family history he might have played an
other game. There's young Elton, who lives
in the Senator'S district, and wanted a law
clerkship in the departments He called
on the Senator and sent in his card.
"1f am not mistaken, you are a son of
my fathers old friend, Judge Elton, said
the Senator when they met.
Yes, s9ld young Elton.
"'I am very glad to meet you,' said the
Senator. What can do to make your stay
pleasant?
"'Well, Senator, the fact is, am after
an Office, and l want your assistance. re-
member great service my father rendered
to yours once, and thought you might be
able to reciprocate.'
"The Senator flushed, hesitated moment
and said: i will do ANYTHING Won ask and
young Elton got the Office within a few
days, for. you know, Senator Blank can get
anything he wants from the President.
Young Elton'ss father had defended the
Senator's father in q case of depositors
against bank of which he was President,
and which had failed under peculiar cir
cumstances, and had actually prevented,
through the laws delays, the imprisonment
of the old man for illegal use of the banks
deposits. It's a nice thing to know your
man."
THE REToRT COURTEOUS.
On ''the row" there is one of the widest
Bohemians of the press it has ever been
my lot to meet he stops at nothing. He
will greet President or a Prince as famil-
iarly as he would fellow of the quill. If
snubbed, he accepts with such good humor,
and often gives such direct cut in return,
that no one can feel offended with him for
very long. The other evening he called at
the residence of one of the new officials of
the administration, high official withal
and a vain one wlthal, and one whose orig
inally swelled head had assumed an i'm
measureably additional expansion the mo-
ment he received his appointment. The
sprlg of Bohemia uneonsciously eutered the
parlor with cigar in his mouth. The en-