San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-11-26
THE EPIST0LARY CRANK.
FUNNY THINGS FOUND IN THE
MAIL OF TWO PUBLIC MEN.
Letters Received by the Manager of the
St. Louis Exposition-The Mayor of That
City Gets His Share of the Same Kind
Specimens from Each Batch.


"The heads of public institutions are tar
gets for all the cranks and queers of the
| country to shoot their pellets at" said Man
agar George Mills, of the st. Louis expos
ton, after examining a bushel or more OF
| letters. "Some of these should be preserved
| in alcohol-here's one, for instance" and he
handed the following to a reporter:
WANTS A MILLION FOR IT.
ALLEN, ALLEGANY COUNTY, n. Y
| ST. Louis Exposition Director:
DEAR SIR-l learn you have got big show in
your city that handles everything. have a nat
ural curiosity that would draw big. have offered
| it to number of museums, but they would not
pay what want for it, | heard you folks give
more for attractions than anybody else and !
want to know what you can give I'd bet my
franchise there amt another one like it, nor half
as good. What is it? III like some to tell me
| but I'll tell you what it's like.
Last spring felled hollow butted beech tree
| and splitting the butt rail cut found the center
| filed, from about two feet above the ground, with
something that looked like flesh, and which
parted from the inside of the hollow with some
difficulty as it seemed to be sort of grown to the
wood. The thing was somewhat longer than a
man, but it had no form-just straight piece az
flesh that fitted the irregularities Of the trees in
/ terror But looking closer, found what seemed
| like kind of face, and then traced out what
| manned Of nose, ears arms and legs. There was
/ a little orifce where the mouth ought to be that
| the thing was breathing out Of just little
The flesh was very white and tender. and shrunk
away If touched. put it on the bob sled, took it
| home, and the school teacher whqHas boarding
| there and me concluded it was theSfeminiscence
| of slave who had run away in war time, and,
| being almost caught had squeezed up into the
tree; that the hole had been stopped up, and the
negro not being able to get out the growing wood
had pinched him and the sap of the tree had sup
piled him with life until found him. AS he could
| not grow sideways he was forced to grow some
way, and when he had been compressed out of all
shape to accommodate the space inside the extern
sion began The big bunch Of woolly hair indicated
| his Africanness and mistake. The peculiar
| food and darkness bleached him thought the
creature was going to starve to death once, but
made beech nut soup and poured it into what
| used to be his mouth will take 81, 100000 for
| him. FRANCIS DENT
| FREE SHOW AND A FREE PASS.
| you'll invest, Of course, in this oddityr
| queried the reporter.
| at would be a star" replied the manager,
eff it existed except in the writer's brain.
| But the demand for 81 600, 900 betrays him
| for an insane man, even had we not received
similar letters from him before. He was a
school teacher, but has been confi'@d four
years. Every time he escapes we get one of
those epistles."
"Here's one from museum manager" Mr..
| Mills continued, (which inquiries if | think
| the girl who receives the beauty premium
can be induced to travel for moderate salary
with a sort of side show, and if | will act as
his agent in the matter. By way of post
script he says that while she would be a
drawing card for him, it would advertise the
st. Louis exposition immensely"
! What will you reply3"
| "Reply9 Why, if I had the fellow here I'd
-rd-rd"-
| And the manager revolved everything
mean he could imagine in his mind, but con-
| tempt curtailed the assignment until he finally
CALCULATED:
"rd tie him in "a Chinese laundry to fatten
| on rats?"
Another oddity was the letter of Chicago
| mechanic, who expressed in stultifled phrase
| ology the highest admiration for "the show"
| and summed up with a request that Mr.. Mills
use his influence to get half fare rates for the
writer, wife and baby to visit the exposition;
| or, he admitted he would be glad of passes,
and, as an inducement, offered "if any plaster
| ing wants patchin'" to do it.
Requests for passes to the hall are numer-
Gus. One man writes from Ottawa, Kan,
asking season ticket for his family on the
ground that he boosted" Verestchagin while
the latter got his sketch for "a Hanging in
Russia" Half hundred offer their services
gratis as watchmen if their friends will be
passed in. An inventor offers for $1,000 to
set up machine at each entrance that will
take, automatically, the picture of every one
entering the building, without regard to
how fast they come. This is both as an ex-
hibit, the author explains, and to help the
police in picking up pickpockets.
RURAL ARIA CHICKEN BARON.
Farther on in the pile was letter from a
farmer, who evidently could not appreciate
the Russian painters talent. II went thar"
he scrawls 'gist to see them paintens hearn
so much about My girl James only H. N she
kin paint better blamed sight with skim
milk n huckleberry juice. But unique MSS.
are not confined to the exposition. Two days
after assuming the assistant mayorship, Act
ing Secretary Simon S. Bass had stock of
odd applications filed away for mementoes
Among these is one from thoroughbred
Yankee, who asks:
''Mr. Mayor: What chance is there in ST.
Louis for an official incubator, that is, one
that is first class Matching machine which
Icould get your Endorsement for as mayor for
about 5000? Besides, would give you a
couple of spring chickens every day while l
run and got good business. Or, could do
better and make it worth your while to make
license or something, so could put in a lot
and control the Matching business of your
town. Please answer quick, because havea
lot of eggs waiting