The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-12-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

When real estate gets boom sail is
naturally suggested.
The man who resolves to quit drinking
must be in sober earnest. .-Picay'me.
Carpets are bought by the yard and
soled by the foot. .-RichmoRd Recorder.
The grub makes the butter fly; the
blacksmith makes the fire Yo6kers
Gazette
The profession of rat-catching has not
yet been invaded by women -BWlinqton
Frte Press.
Would the capture of sealcrs in the
Behring Sea involve the United States in
furrin' war; Gripsdck.
A man who is henpecked is well off in
one respect; his wife will not allow any
other woman to peck him.
The real, true national plant, the sole
one that no native American will deny, is
the mint Baltimore AmeriedH.
Glove levels all things" Perhaps so;
but it has been noticed that its tendency
is not to make the head level. Boston
Courier.
The Toronto Globe tells of man who
has cooked his own beefsteak for fifteen
years. lie must like it very well done
Detroit Free Press.
do deteSt q man that's close,
And furthermore, day;
But if pretty girl is close
feel the other way. Grip.
Ignorant NIaiden-'Mr Marshare
must be Il model husband" "Why, so"
"He is so attentive to other women, you
know, he must be Il perfect slave to his
wife. "-BostoR Transcript.
~ must beg thecongregation to forego
the usual donation party this year, an
nounced the minister. II have nothing
to give. The last crowd cleaned me out
of eatables for six months. "-Bdsar.
1t is not generally the girl with the
most beauX who gets married first. tits
the little, grave, demure girl who sits in
the corner with one young man and
hangs on to him.-SomerCWe Journal
We oft hear mentioned, as we pass through
life,
The model husband and the model wife;
But sad to say, we very seldom see
The two residing in one family.
sis that an oil paintingl" asked the
visitor, looking at picture on the wall.
"An oil painting!' echoed Mrs. New
money, in an injured tone. "No, in
deed. That's genuhe chrome.
There's not drop of oil in it."-Ihe
Ledger.
II would advise you to buy better
watch; | cannot guarantee this one"
"Oh, it is plenty good enough. am
! buying it for my nephew to remember me
by, and the worse it goes the more he
will have to think of me. "-Ftegende
Bidetter.
Jobkins and his wife are pouting after
4 domestic "scene," when their son Bob
-ufiles the treacherous calm. Mamma,
which is the king of the beasts" The
poor abused wife casts a withering glance
at her spouse and replies: Man, my
dear. "-Judge.
Clarissa Ton the feryboaD
Charles has fallen overboard" Maud
''He can swim, and the land lis close by"
Clarissa-s'Yes, but think He has
piece of wedding cake which he brought
from the reception in his pocket. '-La'o-
renee american.
Three burglars worked all night on a
safe in an office, and when they finally
got it open they found six post cards and
five postage stamps to reward them.
The only revenge they could take was to
stick the stamps on the wall and write ON
one of the cards: "A feller who keeps
big safe without anything in it is a
fraud
''NIy hands are awfully cold, " said the
pretty girl, suggestiveIy, on the last quar-
ter OF a starlit sleigh-ride. ''Why didn't
you bring a muif with you9" asked the
practical young man prosaically. 81
didn she snapped, but she wouldn't e%-
plain where the mutf had gone to, and he
has been wondering ever since ju-t what