Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1889-11-07

demonstrated TO him the fact that had
he got under it, he would have been
mashed, though he had been cor
structed OF steel.
"Are you sure 1t was Niagara" be
asked, anxiously. Wasn't it some
other fall?"
One day member died, and the
club did the usual thing by him. A
committee was appointed to draft reso-
lutions expressing the bereavement of
the members, and. as ill-luck would
have it, Upandownjohn was put upon
the committee.
They met, and, as is usually the
case, two of the members really had
no time to attend TO It. One had an
engagement at the theater, the other
was to take his sister-or some one
else's-to the opera.
'Upandownjohn," said the first,
'you have nothing to do, and are
handy with thu pen. There is no
earthly necessity for keeping us here.
You just write out the usual resolu-
tions, and send them down to the
Screamer, the Soarer and the Spouter
in time for tomorrow morning"
"How sha Il treat the deceased"
asked Upandownjohn.
30, in the usual way. Speak of his
qualities as man, the feelings o. the
club at his untimely taking-otf, the
sources of consolation we have, his
| qualities as an actor; hurl in some
thing to alleviate the pangs OF his
family; speak of his general standing,
and put in strong dose of general
comfort, and so on. Itll be all right
You'll attend to it now, won't you?"
at is a disaereeable duty" re-
piled Upandownjohn. "but I'll do it "
And they left him to his work.
Now, Mr.. Upandownjohn had had no
experience in work OF this kind, and,
consequently, he wasn't clear as to its
form. So he sent for the scrap-took.
in which such utterances of the club
had been pasted from the beginning.
He was shocked. There were great
many sets of resolutions on deceased
members (the liquors were bad at
the Lsviathan) and they were pre-
cisely alike. They ran as follows:
WHEREAS, 1t has pleased Almighty God, the
ruler of the universe, to remove from oul
midst our esteem ed brother, John James So
and-So; and,
WHEREAS, 1t is ct that We his afflicted sur
vivors OF the Leviathan club should publicl,
express our sore grief 1t this great bereavc
ment; therefore, be it
Resolued, That in the death Of John james
So-and-So, tn Club has lost a worthy mem
Der, society an ornament his family an affec
tomato father and husband, the State pilla
and defender and the world at large one /
could lily spare.
Resolpsd That while we mourn with sorrow
that seems to have no alienation under TIL
great affection that has fallen upon us, we cal
not but bow in humility to this inscrutable dc
cree.
Resolu,d That we tender our heartfelt sym
/ pathy to the family and relatives OF the dc
ceased.
Reso!ued, That the clubhouse be draped i
mourning for thirty days in memory OF tn
deceased.
As he finished, Mr.. Upandownjohl
brought his fist down upon the tabl
till the glasses jingled.
"What stuff this isv' he said, iudig
, nantly. II knew So-and-So. He wa
a dishonest and untruthful man
tyrant in his family, a trader in pol
itics, disagreeable man in society
and curse to humanity generally
; And they mourn him, do thoyP An
l suppose they want me to mour
Ranter, who is to be embalmed tc
night Ha! Ha! / will astonish thes
people. will write one set Of homes
resolutions. knew Ranter, who ha
just gone hence, and justice shall b
done him, sure. l will be as mild a
. / can be, and do him justice, but wi
: be honest with his memory"
So Mr.. Upandownjohn called 70
> fresh pens and ink and paper, an
= wrote and having made fair copies {
: what he wrote, took them himself t
the Office OF the Screamer, the Spoute
: and the Soarer, and went home an
L slept as only he can sleep who r.
y joices over duty done and we'll don,
: The next morning the members {
u the Leviathan were astonished ,
reading in the journals the following
o WHEREAS, By u long course OF most outr
l. geous dissipation, of late nights, late suppe
i OF the grossest food, of perpetual beverages
the most villainous kind-those that give Il
l. stomach 60 show whatever-by unchecked al
d unreguated indulgence in the worst possib
a sensuality in brief, by a long-continued series
the vlest outrages upon the physical, ment
and moral man, our late member, Arth
v Simpson Ranter, has been taken to tn
n bourne from which we earnestly hope he ,m
never return, and
wHEREAS When a member OF the Leviath
d Club expires, it is customary to commemora
= him. TO give him a send-of, as IL we're; thel
fore be 1t
A. ResoiUed, That when we remember the '
Dr. famous habit he had OF revoking at whist a
:. also his adroit way of sliding out of paying I
~ score whenever he lost the rubber cur gr
l. at his departure is severely mitigated, il n
le entirely subdued.
:, Resolusd, That the promptness OF our late
~ sociate in accepting invitations to Stake
OF thirst, and his intolerabe hardness in recipl
n, heart
AZ Rssofred, That his habtual untruthfulne
Id his utter disregard for his word, and his BIZ
I tering and overbearng manner, were the bt
"a points in him, as they served as warning
III The younger members Of the club. For this
IL demise is TO be lamented.
ar Psso,red That his habit of getting booty
:. fore eleven a. m, and staying in that condit
10 as long as there was good-natured man in
"a club. gives us, his survivors, good reason
g. pause and ask no more that conundrum Wv
was death introduced into the worldg'
'S Resolred That when we remember the s.
cess with which our late brother borrow
o. money. and his utter forgetfulness OF su
:. transactions, our hearts are softened tows
IN Adam and Eve Through whose sin death "
Dy made a part OF the economy OF naturel, and
al publiciy thank that lady and gentleman
their investigating turn of mind and hurl bs
w Indignantly the charge that they did not
lis the best thing possible for posterity.
no Pesolpsd, That in the death OF our L
: brother. who was vile as an actor as he '
had as a man, the long-surering, theater-
at ing public have boon. the sweetness