The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-08-15
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

WISE AND OTHERWISE.
Pears is the purest and best soap made
Beecham's Pills cure bilious and ner-
vous ihs.E .-ls...t So .r-if rri.li
Domestic skeletons are usually formed
of the bones of contention. Boston
Courier. -- .. .r
Plenty Of sleep is conducive TO beauty.
Even garment looks worn when it loses
its NAP. -Binghdmton Republican. ''.
This lie the season of the year when a
man expects his wife to cook him great,
big, hot dinners without getting the stove
hot Atchison Globe.
Softieigh-"Miss Flyte, do you think
Miss Giggle is laughing at me 2" Miss
Flyte--'1 can't say, Mr.. Softleigh. She
often laughs at almost nothing"
The Duke-"And here, madam, is
where my forefathers lie buried" Mrs.
Noovorich-"Massy Mr.. Dock, was your
poor mother married four times2"
Tramp Ito lady of the house)-"I am
starving to death ! Can die out in the
barnyard ?" Lady of the house Gracious
ly)-"Yes ifyou won't crawl under the
barn."
Bashful young Sally
ahem." Sally (encouragingly)-"Well,
George ?" "Sally, do you suppose your
ma would be willing to be my mother-in-
law r-Boston Gazette, b..
Two Scotch worthless were lately criti-
cising the new minister. Said John. the
discontinued "Well, We see, frae Mon
day till Saturday he's inveesible, and on
Sabbath he's incomprs hensible."
| "What is fool.killer, ma? ?" asked lit
tie Johnny, go and ask your father
my dear he knows everybody" "a
fool-killer, my boy, returned Mr.. Brown,
sis little thing called cigarette"
Bobby" cautioned his mother (they
we're guests at dinner), sis it possible
you are eating with your knife ?" "Yes,
ma" responded Bobby, with look of
intense chagrin but 1 forgot was
visitin'."
We have a speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
and Headache, in SHIL0H'S CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price SO cents. Sold
by j. I. Shurtleff. ......
Ayers Sarsaparilla, by purifying and
enriching the blood, improves the appe-
tite, aids the assimilatlve process,
strengthens the nerves, and invigor ates
the system. 1t is, therefore, the best and
most thoroughly reliable Alternative that
can be found for old and young.
st is no use telling you to look pleas
ant, said the photographer to the pretty
young lady as he prepared to unmask his
camera, "for you cannot look anything
else than pleasant" And this observa-
ton go pleased her that she smiled all
over, and the picture was a great success.
Citizen lat forist's)-"Have you any
plants with bugs on them ?" Florist
mo, indeed don't keep such things.
Citizen (disappointedly)-"I was in hopes
you did. My wife never let's me smoke
in the house except when there are bugs
on the plants. Huntington Free Press
Col. Clark,
U. S. Army, writes For the last two
years my health has been excellent; this
| think, IS due to my using Sulphur Bit
ters, as formerly my health was msera'
BILE, owing to the frequent changes Of
climate, etc., 80 incident to soldiers
life. 1919
Job Comfort-"If you're in such hard
luck, Jack, why don't you go 10 your
Uncle Nathaniel and tell him the whole
story He's rich enough to help you.
Jack N, Aighps (gloomily )-"It would bt
no use, Job. He's one of those chaps
who say The Sabbath when they NEAR
Sunday. Puck.
Literary. Miss Ritts-"Aren't yor
fond of dialect poetry, Mr.. Drestbeeph ?
Mr.. Drestbeeph (of the Chicago Brown
ing Society)-"Well, James Whitcomt
Riley and Eugene Field do very well
but l came across some poems by fel
low named Chaucer the other day, anC
he carries it too far. life.
{ McCorkle-"There was a terrible shocl
! which threw every passenger into thu
aisle. When we recovered ourselves
and went forward, we found that ou
; train and another had-had"- Nc
: Crackle (helping him to word)-"Tel
J escoped.' McCorkle-"No collide
o COPIED. "-Drake'S Magazine.
shiIoh's Catarrh Remedy,
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, a marvel.
GUS cure for catarrh, diphtheria, cankel
: mouth, and headache. With each bot
: tie there is an ingenious nasal injecto
: for the more successful treatment o
these complaints without extra charge
Price 80 cents, Sold by j. T. Shurtleff
Bennington.
Farmer Fallow-"Hear you been hav
in sickness over at your place." Farme
Wallow-"Yes, best heifer on tn farm
been mopin' 'ronud all summer. Wifi,
was taken down Yesterday" Farme
, Fallow-"Any improvement ?" Farme
Wallow-"Well, she's a leetle better
but she'll never be the animal she wa
afore. Tile Epoch.
An absent-minded German professor
was one day observed walk ng down tn,
street with one foot continually in thu
gutter, the other on the pavement. A
pupil meeting him saluted him with
Good evening, Herr Professor how
are you ?" II was very well, thought,
answered the professor, "but now l dom
know what's the matter with me fol
the last half hour l have been limping.
Interested People.
Advertising patent medicine in The
peculiar way in which the proprietor oil
, Kemps Basam for Coughs and Colds
dees is indeed wonderful. He authorizes
all druggists to give those who call for il
a sample bottle Free that they may try
it before purchasing The Large Bottles
are SOC and $l.00. We certainly would
advise a trial. 1t may save you from
consumption.
Hay Fever.
, have been a periodical sufferer from
hay fever since the summer of 1879, anC
until used Ey's Cream Balm was new
er able TO find relief. l can truthfully
say that Cream Balm cured me. / re
gard it as of great value and would no
be without it during the hay fever sea
son.-L NJ. Georgia, Binghamton, N. Y
can cheerfully recommend Ely
Cream Balm to the suffering public fol
hay fever and stoppage of the nasal pas
sages. have tried it and find it give
immediate relief-J. E. Rector, Little
Rock, Ark. 3Ot2