Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-11-22
The Stub allied Cow.

The Stub-Tailed Cow.
Stories of President Lincoln's keen
humor are seemingly inexhaustible.
One, which | think has never ap
peared in print, comes from a man
who held a prominent office under
Lincoln, and knew the great states
man we'll. AT an official ball some
thieves made off with many Of the
hats and overcoats of the guests, SC
that when the presidential party was
ready to take leave President
Hamlin's head covering was not TO be
found.
III tell you what, Hamlin, said a
friend; early in the evening | saw "A
man, possessed of keen foresight, hide
his hat upstairs. l am sure lie would
be willing TO donate it to the admins
tration, and | will go and get it for
you.n
When the hat was produced it was
found to be very much after the style
affected by Hamlin, but it wore a
badge of mourning, which emblem
the Vice. President ripped off with his
penknife. The party stood chatting
merrily as they waited for the car
riages to be driven up, when a man
stepped directly in front of Mr.. Ham
lin and stood staring at the tile"
with which his head was covered.
What are you looking at, siry'
asked Hamlin sharply.
Your hat" answered the man
mildly. IF it had weed on it |
should say it was mine" "Well, it
hasn't got weed on it, has ity' asked
the Vice President.
mo sir, said the hatless man, lit
hasn't
Then it isn't your hat, is it?" said
the proud possessor of it.
mo, guess not" said the man as
he turned to walk away. When this
little scene was explained to Presi-
Lincoln he laughed heartily and said:
That reminds NE, Hamlin, of a
long time ago when was pioneering
and soldering in Illinois, and we put
up u Joke on some officers Of the
United States army! My party and |
were long way off from the com
forts of civilized life :and our only
neighbors were the garrison Of q
United States fort. We did pretty
well for rations, had plenty OF salt
meat and flour, but milk was not to be
had for love or money, and as We all
longed for the delicacy we thought it
pretty mean that the officers Of the
fort, who had two eows-a stubbed-
tailed one and black and white one
offered us no milk, though we threw
out many and strong hints that it
would be acceptable. AT last after
much consultation we decided to
teach them a lesson and borrow or
steal one Of those cows, just as you
choose to put it. But how it could
be done without the COW being at
once identified and recovered was the
question. At last we hit on plan.
One of our party was dispatched a
days ride to the nearest slaughter
house, where he procured long red
cows tail to match the color Of the
stub-tailed cow, after possessing our
selves of which animal we neatly tied
our purchase to the poor stub, and
with appetites whetted by long absti-
nence we drank and relished the
sweet milk which our cow gave. A
few days afterward we were honored
by call from the commander of the
fort. Say, boys said he, we have
lost one of our COWS OF course we
felt very sorry and expressed our
regret accordingly. But, said he, i
came over to say that If that cow OF
yours had stub tail, should say it
was ours
But she hssn't stub tail, has
sheT asked we, sure Of our point.
mo said the officer, she GER
tainly has not stub tail
"'Well, she isn't your COW them
and our argument was unanswerable
as WAS Hamlin's y