River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1889-07-11
POINTS OF ETluuETrE
ADVICE Easy to Remember aud to Praetbct
in An Err,arrancr

th an Emergency.
In the mad whirl of the cotilion, If
you wear ready-mads clothing bought
from an irresponsible dealer. and hear
b-z-z-t that don't harmonic with tbs
+ string on the bass fiddle, it is entire
ly correct and proper to not forward
and back according to the commands
OF the fgure-caller. but to back straight
ahead without baking until you reach
the wall, when pin neatly utilized
may cover your embarrassment and re-
treat People who smoker under such
circumstances should be put outside the
pale OF good society.
When invited out to dinner and you
inadvertently get a huge mouthful Of
mince pie that is hot enough 10 melt
the solder off gas-pipe. tangled up in
your epiglottis, do not act as if you had
the whooping cough, but risS calmly
and with a slight-of-hand movement
toss the offending morsel behind the
maiolica dog in the corner, meantime
patting his head as though you thought
him alive. This graceful act never
fails to win the heart OF your hostess,
who thinks you intend her faithful
friend to partake OF the festivities.
Some writer on etiquette, good
many years ago. said that it was per-
fectly proper to eat fried chicken with
the fingers. have often noticed peo-
pie seize on wing and rip it open like
they would tear yard of clothing ma
terial of a bolt of calico and so the
cracking of the crazy bone was audible
all over the dining-room. 1t is true
that some fried chickens require heroic
treatment, but when an apprentice in
etiquette tries to jerk the goose-fesh of
the second joint of Louis XIV. hen
and squirts n streak of gravy into the
eye of his neighbor it does seem that
new code regarding the best manner OF
SCATTERING the remains of hard-boiled
fowl should be introduced.
When the sheriff Of the county serves
subpoena on you, it is considered in
good taste to attend his reception with
out further invitation on his part.
Some sticklers on politeness, however,
who find that it will prevent their wit
Messing a ball game. gotO the extreme OF
sending around physicians certificate
10 the effect that they are indisposed
from the influence Of the sportive ele-
mcnts.
Don't use snuff if your false teeth are
not strictly adhesive | once heard OF
served, when the transgressor, in a
thoughtless moment. nearly knocked
the eye out OF twenty -fve-dollar King
Charles spaniel.
No one but a boor will snore in the
yolapuk language in church where a
sermon is being delivered in English
Observance Of the harmonies is one OF
tho greatest traits of the true gentle
man. People who have enlarged. Ro-
manesque nasal chords viii be inter-
ested in an invention which a friend of
mine is getting up, which he calls the
Sure Snore-Killer" 1t is phonetic
arrangement connected with a pillow
cham holder. and when the air vibra-
lions are four lines below the clef. to
use q musical term, the holder drops
aad hits the sleeper across the bridge
Of the nose. Four caveats and a num-
Der of legal retainers have already
been filed.
Don't play practical jokes on a spitz
dog whose tail Is done up like the let
ter Q.
When you order meat from your
butcher don't ever use the term climb
never intend paying for it.
In ali cases Of doubt about the minor
points of etiquette, a strong bluff on a
weak hand will almost always win. -
r. chester Union