River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1889-10-10
THE LlmEKILN CLus.
What the Society Has Accomplished sgRns
Its Foundation In 1877.


Its Foundation In 1877.
When the meeting had been called
to order and several of the windows
lowered from the top TO let out tho
odor of burning wooden. caused by
Elder Toots getting his back too near
the hot stove, Brother Gardner arose
and said:
I'VE hev begun de twelfth var OBJ de
existence Of dis club, an it ar an an
propriate time for figgerin' up what
we hev accomplished AS an organiza-
ton. hev made a leetle calkerlation.
which | wiz purceed to read:
"We have improved the moral
status of de Guild race in America so
per cent.
we hes reformed upwards OF (esti-
mated) $4,000 pussons, who war adj
dieted to de use OF intoxicatin' drinks.
1--WE hev converted upwards of les
timated) 10000 pussons TO de Sci
ence of hygienne an sanitary regula-
shuns
Twelve Vars ago 100000 dogs
owned by Guild pussons war allowed
to sleep under the bed. To-day the
number is estimated at less than 100
when dis club was first organized
de loss of chickens in de United States
by midnight evaporashun was calker-
lated at 10000 per night fur cherry
night in de var. At dis date it will
not average fifty.
Twelve Vars ago no Guild pusson
In diss huh kentry felt any moral OBJ
ligashun when in dc presence OF wa
ter mellyon. At de present time de
said mellyon has got TO be de biggest
an de ripest sort, an to hold out
actual Encouragement TO be token in,
befo' Guild man kin he tempted.
'In seventeen different States dis
club has taken precedence o. the reg
ular legislaehures. an its purceed-
ings ar read an honOred wild fur mo-
1 interest.
''In many localities de Limekiln
Club is considered de superior of Con-
| gress, an our reports on agriculture.
fishin', possum-huntin' an astronomy
ar accepted as standard by large ma
jority.
I'VE hev indicted the speerit Of
economy an thrift into (estimated)
1000, 900 bosoms, adding TO de capital
of de kentry at least $40, 900, 900 per
var.
Twelve Vars ago de best educated
Guild man in dis kentry couldn't tell
six-shillin' chrome from 81, OOO
paintin'. At the present date de same
kin be told six miles of.
"Eben up to seben Vars ago no Guild
| pusson in dis kentry had any idea Of
gravitashun, astronomy or medical
science. To-day 5000. 900 of our race
know why a grindstun falls to de
ground when you point it up in the air.
| Almos ebry man, woman an child
/ keeps track oh de moons phases an
knows de suns distance from de airth.
De cause an effect OF chillblains is
now common knowledge. an de Guild
man who gifts a whack in de eye knows
all about de virchews of fresh beef as
a remedy.
ITO sum up, we hev made a record
of which cherry member Of de club NAV
justly feel proud. an we hev honestly
ARMED de right TO inscribe on our ban
ner: Sic Semper Tremor."
Rev. Penstock, who has been very
quiet for few weeks past, now arose
TO inquire:
does de char fully comprehend dc
meanin' of de Latin term just usedP"
''De char doesm was the emphatic
response.
Exactly, but I-I-what did dc
char mean to infer?'
"Brudder Penstock," replied the
president, with a whole cold storage
company in his tones. ''dis char hasn't
! passed frew college an bin loaded
down wild certificates an diplomas
but nevertheless he reckons on know,
in what he is talkin' about. De mean
in of dat Latin is: We Hev Got IL
DE Top"
But ~
''Brudder Penstock, sot down! You
| is disturbin' de meetin' an layin' your
self liable to fine OF half a millyor
dollars!'
Penstock fell backwards in heap
and the president then announced the
local officers and committees. -Detroi
! Free Press.