The St. Johns herald., 1889-07-25
THE DOMESTIC COW.
A Smart Youag Man Investigates Her
 Unazniable Traits.

on). Roe (Dutch), or Cow (Modern English). He has done so without having taken the trouble to investi- gate those unamiable traits in her character which it is the object of this article to criticise. He (the poeD seems only to have seen her in her Sunday clothes, as it were, grazing in the fragrant meadows or standing at ease in the shadows of the babb' ing brooklet.
 My hired man recently attended firemen's picnic, not wisely, but too well; and. after repeatel drinks, he very imprudcntly locked horns with a larger man on the question of tariff re- form. Need I say more? Only this: That he was assisted home by friends, suffering from severe indisposition and with his features sadly cut of re- pair; So that, on the following morn ing, from a sense of duty, arose be- times to milk the domestic Gu Sax on), just as the first pale streaks of dawn appeared in the eastern sky.
 Girding on some cd clothes, l started forth to seek the Koe (Dutch). She had unlocked the gate of the pasture with her horns. and was then in the act of inspecting the fOwer- garden. She had evidently been there for some time, during which she had not been idle, and her manner was en- firelv freq from excitement.
 Approaching with a smile which has seldom failed to win female re- gard, said, in soothing tones: ''Soh, bossyi soh, bossy!' but, after eyeing me comprehensively for a few mo- ments, she backed leisurely over a valuable rhododendron bush, and then started through the shrubbery at a swinging gait.
 It would be painful to recount the incidents of that exciting chase. l got her in the barn at last, and suc- ceeded in belaying her head to the manager, after which 1 said: Stand over" in a distinct tone of voice. She knew that 1 wanted her to move to the left so that could get room to milk her; but wilfully appearing to misun- stand the order, she ''stood over" to the right side, fiattening me against the stall. ~N7~-
 Did I swear? No. gentle reader, l did not Why did I not swear? Be cause the weight Of the Gu (Saxon) prevented respiration. Gathering myself together as one man, l hurlel her across the stall by a supreme ef- fort, and standing the hay-fork where she could see it, prepared to milk.
 Any one who has watched the opera tion of milking a COW will maintain that it is very simple thing to do. l used to think so myself, but it is 8 great mistake. am ready to explain to any one who will listen to me for a few hours, that it ij difficult, very diff ficult to milk Koe Ou:ch), unless there is Q mutual understanding 8 friendly feeling between the parties; which, in my case, there was not.
 Having seated myself under the starr board quarter, l grasped the pail firmly between my knees, ps 1 had seen the hircliEg do, and commenced to milk. No milk came for five minutes, during which time I worked on in silence, while the Gu jorked angry mouthfuls of hay out of the manager, ever and anon flashing her tail against my lat, and looking around with sarcastic smile; which, however, l pretended not to notice; but at last snowy jet shot straight into my left eye, and, in a short time, another inparted an unnatural warmth to my lap. had succeeded in bringing forth the milk; all that re- mained was to direct it into the pail, This was not to be so easily done as you would suppose.
 In fifteen minutes I had brought forth twenty-six squirts. distributed as follows: Three in the left eye, one in the right. e'even on my trousers, two on Koe's tall, five on the barn floor, and the balance in the kettle.
 Just then the hand-maiden appeared and asked if I had finished milking. She said that the family wero waiting for breakfast. and there was no milk for the coffee. 1 told her to wait a few minutes -that 1 hal not quite finished. Leaning one dimp.ed arm on an ad- jacent hay cutter she watched my efforts with increased amazement, and atlength said, eagerly: Lord, Misther Adam, let me milk the COW! Why didn't ye ax mo bof0are? Shure I used to milk three cows down homo bafoare wint out to sarvice!h
 Recalling the incident of Robert Bruce and tho historic spider, felt strongly disposed to hold on and con- quer the difficulties of milking if it took al day; but breakfast would have to be indefinitely postponed, and the feelings of the family were entitled to consideration; therefore I rose up and allowed Gwendoiine Mulcahey to take the helm, This shc did with alacrity,