Morning journal and courier., 1889-04-04
EASHIONABLE.

The dude who is always looking for new styles gets along after fashion.-New Or leans Picayune.
 A Galena man has named his new elevator
 'Ruth" because Ruth was 8 gleaner, you know.--Pittsburg Chronicle.
 A correspondent writes: ssHow can I cure reaches in my housei'' We can't tell, unless
 we know what is the matter with them.- New York Journal.
 his congregation that the old idea of future
 punishment is necessity. It is inferred
 that the Rev. MT. Hanson's salary is at least
 six months in arrears.-Norristown Herald. Widow Johnsing-Doan' yo' t'ink, deakin', dat Professah Yawper straitched de trufe in his disco'se dis ebenin': Dea. Fowlah-Straitch am muffin, Mrs. Johnsing; wha, wouldn' bsliebe dem lies of tole em mahsef!-Puck. Little Alice-aAnd did Solomon know more than anybody who was ever in the world, pepss" Papa 0houghtfully) guess hs knew more than anybody I ever met except, perhaps, your sixteen year old brother Jack. Howell Citizen. Married Rich-Gus-s'I hear George has married an heirees. He's in clover now, suppose." Dick-''No, he's working like 8 week hotel. Her father pays hers and she won't live anywhere else. York Weekly.
 In that Case the Truth Will Do.-Mra. Brief (who has been reading an article on sleep in 8 health paper) )-"John, is it best to ! lie on the right side or the lefta" John Ca | lawyer)-"If you are on the right side, it usually isn't necessary to lie at all."-Har- per's Bazar.
 Angry wife (after quarreD-Ssems to me ! we've been married about ahundred years. l I can't remember when or where we first l met.
 Husbant (emphatically)-I can. was at | a dinner party, and there were thirteen at ! table.-New York Weekly. Bridgst-Shure, now, yez don't mane ter | say yer livin' in family phere there ain't no l cata Who kin ye blame things ons Ann-The childer'. ooh, it's foolin' ye are." "They aren't her own childer', they're the masters. ."-New York Weekly. At the Opticians. 's.-Customer-''I can't
 see with these glasses, number twos." Op' ticiau-"Ah! you are very near-sighted; l try these, number ones. Customer Crying me, what will I do when I can no longer see with thesef' Optician-"Alas, my deal l sir, you will have to buy 8 poodle. ."-The Epoch.
 Raymond is five years old, and 8 strong 1 Democrat. "Raymond, you must behave | better," said his mother, good Democrats don't act in that way" "Do Republicansa' inquired Raymond s'No," said his mother, 1 good ones do not" 70 Raymond" cried
 little Laura, t'do be good, or no one will have l anything to do with you, unless," she added
 'it is somebody like me, who hasn't any pol I ities. ."-Christian Register. "What have you to say to the charge that | you have no visible means of supportl' asked
 the justice.
 l Pat drew from the pocket of his torn coat $
 loaf of bread, the half of dried cod6sh and
 several cold potatoes. These he spread upon the stand before him, and coolly | asked:
 "What do you think of thim, yer honor; shore, an isn't thin visible names of SUD- portr-Youth's Companion.
 The Best of Credentials.- mer
 chant (to applicant for position)-s'What ref
 erences have you, sirs' Applicant-"The
 surgeons at Bellevue hospital" Merchant
 "What do they kuow of your qualifications
 for my line of tradea" Applicant-"They
 amputated my legs and supervised the con
 struction of new ones, which can be un
 buckled and locked in the safe during busi-
 ness hours." Merchant-"Remove youl
 limbs and enter upon your duties. ."-Jewel- | era Weekly.