Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-30
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
Two New Domestics--A Tip to Boarding
House Keepers-Odd Nores About Men
and Things.

ana Things.
SHE was new cook, brand new. and last
Sunday was her first day The lady Of the
house wished to 60 to church, but was rather
afraid to leave the new cook to prepare the
dinner. The cook protested, however. that she
was perfectly competent to prepare the dinner.
So, her mistress dressed for church, but before
starting went into the kitchen and gave the
cook some directions about preparing the
vegetables.
"You know she said. show to prepare
asparagusr'
The cook replied, "yes."
Before leaving the kitchen the lady said, 'be
| sure not to forget the radishes" Then she
went to church with her mind easy as to the
| dinner.
When the lady returned from church she
went into the kitchen to see how the dinner
was getting along. The presiding genius Of
| the room seemed to be trihe confused; her
face was red, her hair was touzzled, and the
| dishes were scattered about on the table in
| great confusion. Things had not gone alto
| gether right, it was evident She took the lid
of one pot and saw something stewing in it
that she did not recognize. Whats thisf'
she asked "The asparagus, num-" the cook
replied. why, Jane, it looks more like aspar-
agus stalks" the lady said. "Oh, l cut off
them green tops" the cook replied.
Then began a terrible investigation. In one
pot the lady found the radishes stewed to
pulpy condition. the meat had been thoroughly
| dried to crisp in the oven and in fact there
was not a vegetable or anything for dinner that
could possibly be eaten, and the master OF the
house said that he thought it would be better
for his wife to stay at home from church and
superintend the cooking in future until the
cook knew something about her business
ANEW nurse girl is likely to be more embar-
RAISING than new cook.
The new girl had brought the baby down for
its mother to take it for walk, but had for
gotten to put on a wrap which the cold wealth
er seemed to render necessary
Bridget" said the lady to the servant, "go
upstairs and put the sacque on the baby"
The nurse girl started MP to the nursery with
the child in her arms and stayed up there for
such long time that the lady became some
what alarmed, and followed her to the nursery,
where she found the very green girl trying to
tie burlap coffee bag around the child.
What are you doing, Bridgetf" said the
lady.
'sure, Pm trying to put the sack on the
child" the girl replied
THAT isn't the sacque I meant" said the
lady.
well, it is the only one could find, ma'am."
And sure enough it took quite long while
for that lady to explain to the very geen girl
that coffee sack is hardly the proper thing in
which to wrap tender, well-bred youngster Of
year old.
A CERTAIN lady who keeps rather fash
ionable boarding house in this city, is troubled
with ten boarders-no less than ten, who
possess enormous appetites Everybody that
knows boarding house can realize that ten
boarders with large appetites are very hard
upon the profit of the concern. She tried.
like thorough business woman, all sorts of
methods to check these ungodly appetites, but
with no avail.
One day she happened to tell her family doc
tor of these ten hungry men and how they wor-
ried her; and he said Immediately: "Why, I
can give you an easy remedy for that"
She told him that she would be very much
obliged to him for any help that he could give
her on the subject and moreover said that it
would be worth great deal of money to her.
.'WeI," said he, next week bake a lot of
lemon pies and see that those ten boarders get
their share of pie"
"Is that all your prescription doctor ~ said
the lady.
"Yes, ma'am," he replied; ''and you will find
it is quite enough"
So the next week she baked q number of
lemon pies, and she saw to it that the ten
boarders were helped twice to pie on the first
their appetites fell away. and at the end of that
week there was an unmstakable diminution In
the bill for provisions required for that board
ing house. Esz
The lemon pie diet was continued until the
boarding house became as profitable as it had
previously been improbable. 1t is not within
my power to say exactly how the lemon pie
acts upon the average boarder; but it is cer-
tainly fact that in this case the lemon pies
produced what no other system of dieting
could accomplish. This recipe may be Of use
to some of the down-trodden boarding house
mistresses in this city.
WHAT was said recently in this column about
gentleman who keeps railroad restaurant
at Charlotte, N. c., seems to have been amply
deserved. Yesterday gentleman stopped me
to say that he thoroughly indorsed all that was
said concerning the good qualities of this ex-
traordinary restaurant Feeper. He said that
when he stopped there some time ago he was
treated with most wonderful liberality; the
landlord pressed him to eat more, and filed his
pockets with fruit when he left the table. He
said that if ever he were again within 100 miles
of Charlotte he certainly would try to get a
dinner at the railroad restaurant there.
-.
IT is becoming the fashion in PIttsburg for
ladies to wear combs when they have their hair
dressed nlgn. Inc combs are, in some cases.
made of gold studded with diamonds and other
precious stones, but in all cases the combs are
of some use, for they hold up the hair, am
told, and serve very much as relief to the
head when the amount of hair is great. A few
days ago saw one of these combs which must
certainly have cost $500 or $500. The diamonds
in it were very large and brilliant 1t seems to
me that this comb was very liable to be stolen
very easily by smart thief. but perhaps there
was some fastening under the hair which held
the comb in place. As it appeared there
seemed to be nothing to prevent an expert
thief's taking the comb out of the hair without
the wearer's knowledge
=s=
1T struck me the other day as being very Gu
rious that none of the celebrated artists of the
pictorial journals Of New York have been able
to catch at all properly the peculiar
face of the junior Senator from
this State. In neither Puck nor
Judge have l seen a portrait Of Quay that
could be possibly recognized 1t is fact, no
doubt, that Senator Quay has peculiar face
but it ought not to be impossible for the artists
of such prominent journals to get something
like fair idea of its outline. At present their
efforts are worthless even as carieatures in
that they do not bear the slightest resemblance
| to the subject.
A WEALTHY gentleman Of New York, who is
obliged by the poor state of his health to spend
great deal Of his time in hotels has origin
ated rather clever scheme for Frightening up
his room wherever he stays. He particularly
detests the bare appearance of the walls in the
average hotel bedroom. and SO he has fallen