Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1889-10-02
STUFF AND NONSENSE

A sraIKM0 tals-the whales.
A PLACE Tor lawyers-ths Sioux
Reservation.
GRAyx diggers are said TO do work
that 10 beneath them.
TIE tailor hopes to succeed by
Clothes attention 10 business.
To LovEas: Never put OF till TO-
morrow what You can woo to-day.
THE coal dealer sometimes, by mis-
tAke, gives the cart driver . weigh.
a BooTLEss attempt-To get mp
stairs without being heard by your
wife.
TEE man with . boil on his neck
never borrows trouble. He has enough
Of il.
DIcK-Going on any fshing trips
this summerf Jack-No;I swore of.
Nck-Fishing? Jack-D Drinking.
The well-bred woman says @please"
70 her servants, and sometimes to her
husband il there's anybody around.
MRS. SoURTAcE-I hear Mrs. De
Sweets husband is just devoted to
her. Mrs. Sharptongue-He is? Well,
we'll! There amt many such men.
@FATHER.s said Willie, who had inst
been corrected, shat strap il heredi-
tary, isn't it?r II don't know that it
Is" But it descends from father to
son, doesn't it," Z.
TOMMY (who has been forgotten until
nearly eleven o'clock)--Paw, what is q
jiffy? Fsther-It's Just about the
length OF time you've got to get to bed
without . licking.
IT il seriously stated that it takes .
dy . tw0-billionth part Of . second to
link. If . mans wink was a. sudden
IS . ay's he would never get anything
but plain soda at the fountain in q
drugstore.
A PERTINENT question: II would
like to ask you q question:" said a gen.
tleman to = fellow who was spreading
himself over four seats in q crowded
railway car. @What is it," "What
brand Of nerve food do you use? /"
TRAMP-Will your ladyship help a
poor man who is afflicted with a terri
BILE disease which prevents him from
working? Lady-Poor man, here's .
quarter. What is your disease? Tramp
(pocketing the money)-Laziness mum,
laziness.
MRS. NEwMARRIED-Which one of
your friends has had triplets born to
him? Mr.. Newmarried-None of them,
my dear. Why? Mrs. Newmarket
Nothing, only l heard you say in your
sleep, 4Got three of a kind, have you?
Well, that beats me-"
D.-THAT's a very funny old cane
You have got there. I'd like to buy it
from you. Cant sell it. It is an
old family heirloom. / wouldn't sell
it for anything in the world. My
great-grandfather used to maui my
great-grandmother with it.
FIRST New orker-So you saw the
Paris Exposition. I suppose you are
glad you saw it? Second New-Yorker
Yes, indeed. I was bled very much
and had TO put up with many imposi-
tions. In fact I am 70 happy to get
home that I am glad l went.
Cousin Jane-And doesn't Peter
stay at home any night of the week?
Why, he followed You we half the
continent before you gave your con.
sent. Young wife-I know it, my dear.
Haven't You heard before Of q woman
marrying q mai to get rid of him?
The average man: Wife - You
missed the baby greatly while we were
away, didn't you? Husband-Yes;
couldn't sleep at all for q while, till /
put . sawhorse and wheelbarrow in the
bed and hired q man to play the &C.
Gordon in the room nights. Memphis
AUalanche.
NEW rITLE roR THE COCKTAIL.
Tho man who was -out pretty late with the
boys
The advice OF his better -hslf scorning,
Whom turbulent stomache and headsch al.
noys,
Goeth forth for his horn in the morning.
But It IL not q cocktail he calls for to-day:
Addressing the sl~ive-sayerr mixer
He says: Il feel thirsty; 30 hurry, I pray,
And give me my morning elixir"