The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-07-11
PuNaENT PARAGRAPHS.

PuNaENT PARAGRAPHS.
The matchmaker knows as much
about spring cleaning as his wife does.
Oregon Statesman.
IL you charge = woman with pow
der and paint she is likely to go on
mad. Terre Haute Express.
Pastoral innocence is not all Il e
painted. The gentle shepherds have.
crooks among them. Picayune.
Whom the gods love die young.
And the more one sees of the survivors
the more one appreciates the taste Of
the gods.
When a married woman goes out
to look after her rights her husband is
usually left at homo with his wrongs.
Boston Courier.
s. -I.ove-letters may be all very we'll
In their way. but they ought never to
be written in any kind of ink that Is
meant to last over night. -Somerville
journal.
-Tubbs-'I flatter myself that hons.
esty is printed on my face" Grubbs.
''Well--er-yes, perhaps-witb some al
lowance for typographical errors. -
Burlington Free Press.
MIR. Blobs2a- What idiots there
are on the newspapers nowadays!
Mrs. Blobson-''Yes, yon have been
sitting on that copy of the News for
the past half-hour."
"A Kansas man paid ten dollars to
the fund to buy old John Browns rifle
for the State Historical Association,
and then mortgaged his team to raise
money to pay his taxes.-Kansas City
Star.
81 always look out for No. 1, rc-
marked a selfish fellow, who had just
married a widow. Nv ell, you needn't
worry yourself about it any longer.
she replied significantly. mo. l will
look out for you hereafter "-Washing-
ton Critic.
Small boy - ''fapa, what does
'n,onotonous' mean?" Father (wearily)
WYATT till your mother begins to talk
dress with your grandmother. my boy.
Then you'll realize the full meaning of
the word. IN. Y. Journal.
English Count want wife
with diamond eyes. golden hair. ruby
lips and a silvery voice." American
girl--"And 1 suppose her friends will
find her in pawnshop before thu,
end of the honeymoon" -Jeweler' :
Weekly.
Seaside hotel proprietor (anxious
ly)-"Hasn't the sea serpent oeen re-
ported to-day yet?" Office boy-'.Nc,
sir; no one hez seen it, '.Look!
There comes a sailing party in now.
Rush down to the beach ard ask then,
if they saw mo use, sir: that ,
a temperance crowd" -Philadelphia
Record.
IL can't understand. Bobby" said
his father. why you should quarrel 50
much with Tommy White. Your
mother tells me you quarrel with hin,
most Of the time" Il can't help it,
pa" replied Bobby. thoughfully. Il
guess l must get my disposition from
you and ma"
Particular boarder This fish,
waiter" Truthful waiter ,promptly>
WAS killed this morning." Particular
boarder (approvingly)-"You did right
to kill it." Truthful waitec Gnquir-
ingly)-''Yes, sir?' Particular boarder
(irmly)-''Because it had be.,u ashore
so long that it had forgot how to swim
and would have drowned il ever it
went to sea AGAR" -Burdette.
Deacon Skinaint-"This IL an age
of irreverence. I read tonight about
some fellow who has engraved the
Lords Prayer on a ten-dollar gold
piece and wears it on his watch chain
for a curiosity. This is all wrong, very
wrong. There are some things too
sacred to be triAed WITH Carper-
ITO which do you refer, Deacon. the
prayer or the gold piece?''- Tcrre
Haute Express.
-Husband--'Wife, I read a great
many accounts of women being robbed
by pickpockets on the street. DO you
know how to carry your purse so as to
Illustrate them?' Wife-''Yes; Just as
1 always have since married you. Ii
any pickpocket can be satisfied with /,
recipe for making spiced pickles and a
faded proof of the baby's picture
grandma paid for last fall, he's welcome
to it. am always prepared for pick
pockets"