The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-09-10
Mr.. AND MRs BowsER.
BIZ B BowsRR.

"Mrs. Bowser, do you know how
much time the average man consumes pei
week in getting shaved" queried Mr.
| Bowser, as he entered the house the othel
evening with a parcel under his arm.
at do not"
We'll, I figure it at an hour and a half
to say nothing of the expense. One also
runs many risks by shaving in a public
place"
eyes"
"And 1 shall hereafter shave myself.
can do it in seven or eight minutes, at
cost of less than two cents, and | run nc
risk of BARRIERS itch or having my throat
cut by some lunatic."
Well, I hope you'll make a success O
ii, bit
"There you gol Did I ever attempt
anything you didn't discourage
"But you know you tried it twice and
gave it up and threw your outfits away
In disgust"
"And why? Because some n used
my razors to cut kindling wood?"
"Mr. Bowser!"
"At least it appeared that way to me.
And [ got a lame arm, and we went of
on a visit, and there were several other
reasons. From this time forward / shall
shave myself, and I shall be in after sup
per-"
After supper he prepared himself with
three towels and a quart of hot water and
went up stairs to begin operations. l
crept softly up and took a seat on the
landing Just as Mr.. Bowser had removed
coat and vest and collar and was mixing
the lather. While he was soaping his
face l heard him groWl Sc veral times, and
afterwards ascerta ned that it was caused
by his jabbing the brush into his eyes and
mouth by mistake. About one-haf of
the lather was deposited on his shirt
front before he got through. He was
just seventeen minutes getting ready for
the razor, and when he took it up I heard
him mutter:
"This thing handles mighty awkward
If that fellow has gone and sold me a
left-handed razor I'll prosecute him to the
last ditch |"
He held it in various positions to get
the hang" and when he finally got it,
he made a careful motion along his right
cheek. To his great surprise aud delight
he didn't cut his head off. On the con-
trary, he shaved off a whole spoonful of
lather, and I heard him chuckling:
"Egadl But I'm getting there with
both feet. No barber could beat that ~
Mr.. Bowser wears a mustache, and is
very proud of it. At the third or fourth
scrape along his cheek one end of the
mustache got in the way of the razor
and a share of it was carried overheard,
so to speak.
HPu fbundor - nacDaJ NJ Rozz,a, a,
he regarded the damage, and>he carefully
washed all the lather off that side to closer
inspect the calamity. Investigation proved
that the damage was not beyond repair,
and he renewed the lather and went
ahead.
In the course of the next fifteen min
utes Mr.. Bowser must nave removed as
many as two hairs from his face, and he
uttered fully 100 signs and grunts. He
tried the razor in his right hand and in
his left, and in every conceivable position,
and he bru-hed on the lather until a hoe
would scarcely have scraped it off.
"You see," I heard him saying to him.
self, ga fellow has to fool around awhile
to get confidence in himself. I expected it
would take me about half an hour this
time, but inside of a week I'll make a
clean shave inside of five minutes. There
that's a good job"
He wet a towel and wiped the lather
off his fSce and took a look in the glass.
The result astonished him. So far as he
could see he had not removed one single
beard. He had scraped off the lather, but
the beard was still there. He growled
away for awhile, and then mixed q fresh
LOT Af 1of6nr cd h~,,oI1I - eG1-.
satifying himself that the razor's edge
was all right by cutting a hair pulled from
his head, he laid it against his chin. He
gradually turned it up and began to
scrape, and I heard him softly saying:
"Now, then, I've got the real hang of
it. | was carrying it too fat. There's a
trick"
Two things suddenly happened. He
cut the left corner of his mustache off
and gashed his chin at the same stroke,
and the next instant he bounded out into
the hall and shouted for me.
We'll, what is it?" 1 asked as I rose
up:
"Look here I'm fatally wounded!"
he cried, as he danced around the hall.
"Let me see. Why, it's nothing but
- oASAO "a ~ liz , Lie 1dtlGT OIL.
1t was a lively cut, and it bled freely
for a quarter of an hour, during which
time Mr.. Bowser did a great deal of sigh
ing and grooming, and forgot about his
mustache. When / had plastered up the
cut he returned to the glass, discovered
that his mustache was lop-sided, and
wheeled OF me to exclaim:
Look at It'll Look at that, Mrs.
BowserP'
Yes, you haggled your mustache.
I'll get the shears and trim it off,"
"Neverl Keep right away from me!
Mrs. Bowser, your plot has been discov
eredT"
Don't be so foolish, Mr.. Bowser. /
told you | didn't believe you could shave
yourself"
ut is all as plain as day nowI |" he con-
hnued, as he upset the lather cup and
walked through Its contents, "you prob.
QhIU fInrlTwnI @hm4 To q