Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1889-04-26

class OF voters fairly doued on me. There
never was candidate with such pull"
'sThen why did you drop out Of the racer'
"Because this twin brother of mine did
| me up. He is cur if ever there was one. "
sHowp'
'I'n tell you. One Sunday happened to
| be out of town. When got back noticed
that the members Of my church gave me
the cold shoulder. Some of them glanced at
me reproachfully, and finally my pastor
came to me with real tears in his eyes and,
after urging on me the necessity Of lolning
a temperance society, gave me book en-
titled The Fallacies of Infdelity.'"
'Why did he do thatr'
81 investigated and discovered that on the
previous Sunday while l was out of town,
just as the congregation was emerging from
the sacred edifce, appeared on the side
| walk in a beastly state of intoxication and
hurrahed for Bob Ingersoll."
Didn't you suspect who the guilty party
was!"
az knew right off that Tom was the guilty
party, but when l explained about my twin
brother my friends smiled incredulously,
and some said 1 talked like liar who had
been practising a thousand years"
Ibid you see your brother Tom about it!''
81 did. | went over to Jersey City, and
asked what he meant by it, and he said that
was nothing at all to what he was going to
do if did not divide the S30, 900 Inheritance
with him"
ibid you give him the money!''
"No, indeed
"Well, what next2"
about week afterwards l met one of
my warmest and most influential German
supporters, Fritz Schimmelpfenig. How
goes it, Fritzy! Let's have zwei glass beer,
says l. cordially. Fritz drew himself up
with immense dignity and replied: Herr
Sykes, of you would blease oggscuse me-
May pc you would not like dose aromas of
sauerkraut aud hmburger," and he passed
on with his head and tail feathers up, SO to
speak. Other prominent Germans cast in
dignant glances at me, and said harsh things
about me in German.
al suppose your twin brother had been
getting in some more of his work on you!"
Right you are. Learned that at polit-
ical meeting at which I was not present at
all, had denounced the Germans as mere
reservoirs of sauerkraut, that l had rIu,-
cuied Bismarck, and gave utterance to such
pronounced know nothing sentiment that
was jeered out of the meeting. Yes, knew
brother Tommy was helping me out. pub,
hshed card and denounced my twin broth
er, but that only made matters worse. /
was even compared with Eli Perkins. Il
created much amusement that should have
convenient twin brother at election times.
1t was regarded as an entirely new cam
paign dodge"
"Your twin brother seems to have gotten
even with you pretty effectuany."
''Well, that's what thought when big,
rawboned Irishman hoped on me, and left
me dismal wreck. l suppose Tom had
been around disappearing the Irish or
praisiug the English. Even the Israelites,
among whom had influential supporters,
refused to speak TO me; that is all except
old Absalom Rubenstein, who il very in
fuential. All he said was: so, Misther
Sykes, you want all us Hebrews to go
back to Jerusalem where we coomed from
/ knew then that Tommy had been tamper
ing with my Hebrew vote. There were
some negroes IN my district that were 60
ing to vote for me, but they said that l had
compared them unfavorably. with the
chimpanzee in Central Park, and that they
had changed their minds. l was in bed
three weeks after the indignant Irishman
got through with me, but the public did not
believe it, for Tommy was disgracing me
every day in the neighborhood while l was
Frustrated on my couch of pain. At last he
got arrested for being drunk and dis
orderly"
80 vengeance overlook the william at
last?n
mot a bit OF it. He was brought up be-
fore police justice who was a friend of
mine, and he, supposing that it was myself,
turned Tommy loose without even a repri-
mand. / withdrew from the canvass, but
even that has not appeased my twin
brother"
Il think I'd appease him with an axe
helve"
80, I'll do worse than that. He has de-
stroyed my domestic happiness"
lyon don't say so2'
Yes, somebody told my wife that l had
been seen riding in Central Park with two
variety actresses. Ny social standing went
long ago. am regarded as social outcast,
and now he even goes around IN my neigh
borhood with hand organ. He wants my
neighbors TO lynch me, suppose"
'What are you going to doc"
81 don't know myself. I'm not going to
give him any Of that $4,000. / can move
away to some other town and get new
social status with all that money; that is, il
can keep control of myself, but some day
you may see the name of Sykes and Cain in
the headlines ofthe daily papers, and then
you will know that the worm has turned at
last. Let's 60"
AS Sykes made no effort to settle with
the bar keeper / remarked:
This is your treat, amt II, Sykesl You
invited me in here"
Not much do 1 pay for this little spree. I've
won the bet. You said you would bet that il
was me playing on tie organ, and I've won.
That's why I've been telling you all about it.
So you want to rob me, do yout Why, yov
are as bad as that twin brother Of mine
Good morningr' and Sykes hoped out into
the street and onto a passing car. paid
for the bottle of VINE and waved my hand
at Sykes, and called out loud, so he could
hear me: Three cheers for your twin
brotherw ALEX E. SWEET
FACTS AND FANCIES.
SATLoR-"Did you ever see vessels en-
gagged in a fight" Civilian-''No, but I
have seen ship SPAR
A DOG iumped off the Rrookfvu bird 90 a