Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-10-17
FUN.

feet right to water its stock.-hoches-
ter Post-Express.
The profession of rat-catching has
not vet been invaded by women.-Bur-
lington Free Press.
When young man gets married II
is the greatest mistake of his lie. -
Lawrence American.
It is comparatively quiet when SO
still you can hear the dew drop
Binghampton Republican.
Sheet music, as matter of course,
should be sung by the quire.-fltts-
burgh Chronicle Telegraph.
VIII the capture of sealers in the
Behrine sea involve the United States
il fuITin' war:-Gripsack.
After a man has been married few
years he never lodges when his wiie
throws anything at him. = Tx.
All the amateur violinist wants is
word of encouragement and plenty OF
elbow-room.-Harper's Bazaar.
Occasionally You see very rich man
who is so economical that he would en-
Joy being poor.-Atchison Globe.
A river is one of the queerest things
Quits head isn't near as big az its
mouth. kentucky State Journal.
When man wants to learn to play
the cornet it is only natural that he
should engage a tutor Somervllle
Journal.
While the tiger may be confined in
an ordinary cage, it is often necessary
to put the lynx in chains.-Terre
IIaule Express.
1t may sound funny, but it is fact
that many of the penmen at the Chi
cago stock-yards cannot write.-1on-
kers Statesman.
The man who has lost his ''pile" in
Wall street looks upon that locality
as the dearest spot on earth to him.
Yonkers Statesman.
We suppose it would be perfectly
proper to designate the London long
shoremen as shortshoremen now
Yonkers Statesman.
As Adam remarked to Eve as they
sat outside the garden gate, " We've
had an unusually early fall, have we
mop" = st. Joseph News.
A German professor is of the
opinion that girls very frequently
study too much at the piano. There
are many who concur in the belief
Washington Capital.
A man whose wife is not blessed
with an especially mild temper says
that he goes through his meals to the
tune of Marching through Jawed-
YER" - Washington Capital.
1t often happens that when a young
man is disappointed in love he COM
mits suicide. When he is disappointed
in marriage he either i" grins and bears
it" or gets divorce. -Noristown
Herald.
In sending 5000 to the secretary of
the treasury, a Chicagoan wrote that
it was to be placed to Uncle Sans
kredit,n a queer message from a man
whose conscience was having a good
SPELL - Philadelphia Ledger.
In South Carolina Prison.-First
Convicted Murderer-"Lot us fire the
Jail and escaped"
Second Convicted Murdercr-"No,
sir; don't want to run my head into
the moose. Arson is capital crime
down here"
Paticnt-"Great heavens, young
man, that's pretty strong medicinew
Young doctor-s'Yes; it'svery pow
erful. Sometimes it cures and some
times it kills"
Paiient-.'Well-I say-herc, young
man. is there any danger in my case?v
Young doctor-ssl can't tell for an
hour yet, Mr. Moneybags. Now calm
yourself"
"Did You know that Miss Inkskip
was dead? Suicide, they say"
"Miss Inkskip? Impossiblel Why, |
she had everything to make her con-
tented"
eyes; but she was the most curious
woman alive. She is reported as hav-
ing said that she couldn't live happily |
till she had solved the mystery of |
death and found out what came next"
Minister (to choir-master)-"The
music went splendidly this morning"
Choir-Master-"Yes; | flatter N.Y.
self it did"
Minister-''I am glad to see the sing
ers give their whole energy to the inn
portant religious work. There is no
deception in such singing as that"
Choir-Master-"Well, no; | should /
say not You see, Mr.. Thumper, |
told the choir last night that an oper-
ATTIC manager would tend church to-day
for the purpose of finding some good
voices"
''Goshl but it's hot, = he said, as he
backed into doorway on Woodward