The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-07-10
WIT AND HUM0R.

A rash intruder Measles. London
Fun.
We grow wise as we grow older
but IT Is by forgetting what we though
we knew.-Lye
Some men have blossomed out il
new spring suits, while others still re-
main seedy. Pack.
Why should the spirlt OF mortal be
proudp No reason we can see unless
he owns an ice-pond. Puck.
Somebody asks, why don't our
young men come to the frontP" Be.
cause the baldheaded men get the seats
first. Life.
1t Is fly time with the dishonest
cashier when he thinks his populations
are on the eve of being discovered. -
Boston Courier.
The young King of Spain's nurses
probably have little trouble in keeping
him clean since he is himself the
CASTLES hope. -Hotei Mail.
Fuller-Somehow | feel lost this
morning. Muller-Well, go around
TO the different saloons. You'll find
yourself there IL anywhere. Epoch.
The Pilgrim Fathers who landed on
plymouth Rock were naturally tenn
perate. They were not we'll supplied.
and had more rock than rye.-Nes0
Orleans Picayune.
The man who whistles is a happy
man. Not absolutely, but relatively
80. He Is far happier than the peo-
pie who have to listen to him. 1erre
Haate cypress.
Brightly-Do you know why people
are never stuck up in autumn Dull.
ard-Can't say that do. Brightly
Because pride always goes before q
fall. -LotoeH Citizen.
She--Do you love me, Harry He
More than all the world. She--Then
why don't you marry mep He--be-
cause want to love you, darling, for.
ever. - Washington Critic.
First student-Biggs tells me that he
writes regularly for the Century. Sec
ond student-Sc he does. He writes
home to the old man for 800 every
month. -Terre Hdute Express.
Miss Houler-And pray tell me tru-
~. professor, what do you think of
my voicep Professor Exeusez moi.
mademeiselle. positiveelee could
not be 80 incourteous. Time.
''The young lawyer graduate is no.
where beside the sweet girl graduate,
says piece OF comparative anatomy.
But he will be beside her when he
graduates. -NeW Orleans Rcayune.
Mrs. Shaw is said to have made Sl5,-
600 by her whistling tho last season.
Thousands of women who want $l5,-
GOO have to whistle for it"-and then
they don't get NorristoSoa Herald
McCorkle--Hello! Briggs, you eat
ing at this restaurant How is thatP
Briggs have bad cold, McCorkle;
I've seen the starvation cure highly
recommended. and I'm trying it,
Epoch.
Our Minister to England receives
only $l7, 500 a year. and must find
himself. - Ministers TO Mexico have
before now been appointed who could
not find themselves. = Neao Orleans
Hcdyune.
He--Wen't you come canoeing with
me. Miss BeaeonP She--O, 1 don't
1nto W. 80 w n.y. tts Ill EiSHt III
you sit perfectly still. She--I know
Il; but where's the funp- Harvard
LanposA
my dear young friend.r exclaimed
the good man, solemnly, do you at
tend church regularity" "Yes. sir;
but didn't 60 to-day. She's visiting
friends out Of town, you know. n-Afi,l-
ssedpoiis Tribune.
Housewife Your impudence amazes
me. Infer. by your nose, that.
TrampAh, madam, you do me
great wrong. ! do not drink. My
nose Is simply blush absorber. De-
troit Free Hsss.
The Armenian authorities deny that
. band Of Kurds broke up a wedding
at Mouch lately by boiling the bride.