River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1889-11-21
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Sa.ARRN ON EIAIS
Apartment House STYLE % Living Nd
Popular with Tramps.

Popular with Tramps.
A lady living on the fifth floor OF an
uptown flat-house was called TO the
speaking tube by violent ringing of
the door bell.
what Is ftp" she called down
through the speaking tube.
Its Scabby McGoogan. came back
the reply. 1--we called to sec il you
have any cold vituals this mornin' for
poor man.
Go 'wayr' screamed the lady
through the tube; "go way. / smell
your awful breath clear to the fifth
floor"
Scabby McGoogan. Esq. was not so
easily disposed OF at long range.
"Its hardly fair to hold me respou-
sible for the condition of my breath.
ma'am.n he replied. ''Gettin'. as best
! may, odds and ends from hundred
kitchens to keep soul and body to-
gether, ia IL any wonder that am UNI
able this morning 10 watt up to you
through this pesky tube the odor OF
new-mown hay. Notwithstanding slept
In manger last nights"
"Will you 90 away. OF will ! be
obliged TO call the dog?"
Il am not alarmed on the dog ques-
tion, ma'a That racket works toler-
ably well where the folks live ON the
commons. but | have yet to have my
first encounter with dog that comes
down from the fifth floor. have no
ticed that in coming down from the
fifth floor dog has time TO take his
second, sober thought, and, by the
time he reaches the street; 1t occurs to
him that In the likely event that he be
wounded id the fray. he would have
difficulty in dragging himself back up
the stairs. or up the back stairs"
you impudeut scoundrel. will you
go?" screamed the lady, until the tube
ratified in every joint.
II am in mood this morning TO
discuss" came Scabby's voice. with
exasperating calmuess, land while
have the hang OF this speakin' trum-
pet, | may as we'll set forth an idea or
two that have not, as yet, been able
to get into the newspapers or maya
zines. desire to say that, as the rep
resentative of large and growing
class, am Numerically opposed to this
fat and apartment-house system
of livin'. You see the disadvan-
tage it places us under. Now,
were permitted TO present my claims
to you face to face. instead of by this
ere hollow mockery, ] dare say that
you would see the dreadful necessity
of the case and cheerfully comply"
The speaking-tube vibrated again
with the indignant message:
"Confound you. won't you ever go?"
Il can tell by the sound OF youI
voice" continued Scabby, that you
have tender heart and hand ready
to aid the deserving poor Oil had |
the wings OF dove, ! might perch
myself upon your kitchen windcw-sill
aud partake Of pie from your lily
white hand; but, alas, am compelled
to communicate my wants in this en-
barrdsin' and unsatisfactory way. Bills
tered be the tongue OF the man who
first invented flats Aside from the
single advantage that people who live
in flats can't keep dogs, defy you or
any one else to point to one redeenin'
feature OF the internal iat system. "
I'm pour scalding water down this
tube if you don't go" yelled the land
lady.
Just one word, said Scabby. "and
1 have done / wish to reiterate my
imprecation against the inventor and
designer OF flats. May his tongue
cleave to the roof Of the highest house
In this town, while he is obliged to
trudge in the middle OF the road and
get his pie and cold potatoes through
a speakin' tube, Good-day. ma'am -
n. T. World