Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-03-07
MILES OF BOSTON PIES.
PECULIAR PIES, MYSTERIOUS PIES,
FAMOUS PIES, AND PIES.

Athens in One Year-A Sure Sign by
Which to Know u Man from the Hub
Names of n Few of the Favorites.
Several newspaper writers assert that Bos-
ton Is the home of the real pie They have
been al over the habirable globe and are
therefore competent to give opinions Other
facts lead me to declare that we ought to take
sort OF local pride in the pie; for not only is
1t associated with much Of our early history,
but is at present one of the distinguishing
marks whereby to test ii e genuine Bostonian.
A stomach that will stand the demands made
for gastric juice by the miscellaneous ingre-
dients that so to form any one of our typical
pies must surely have something in common
with the moral and menta forces that have
given our institutions their undoubted pre-
eminence. And that pie eating population
s likely to arrive at the highest stage OF
human development is attested by the sum-
mits we have reached in intellectual and
physical fields. Not only have we produced
poets and philosophers, but also pugilists and
wrestlers.
A DAY FOR 40 PIES
What n mighty achiev ement this is will be-
come evident 10 the most superficial observer
when he learns that physician of a studious
turn Of mind has calculated that every pie
taken into the human stomach abbreviates
the life OF the posseSsor Of that stomach by al
least one minute. That is to say, when you
have eaten l ,440 pies, you have subtracte1
one day from the whole number of days
which the Creator was willing you might live
Perhaps you will laugh now, and say that you
Will not eat ], ,44O pies N n lifetime Very
we'll Granted that you would not How dc
you know that you will not have Just finished
your ,440th pie when a minute that might
have been saved by refusing that ,440th
would have prolonged your heart beats for a
space sufficient to give you almost a fresh
startf Again, the stuoious physician says
that, after you have es ten your fiftieth pie
the destructibility incre lses, and thencefortt
two minutes are 'docl;edn from your time
for every pie devoured, and so on in propor.
ton until by and by pc takes an hour from
the proper period of your existence There
fore, consider well theso facts before YOU in.
sist on obtaining culture by means of the pie
and at the expense of green old age
l-was eating in a New York restaurant
once when a man whom had scarcely no
ticed said to me:
"How's Sullivan"
'Sullivan!" replied; what Sullivanf"
why, John L.; you come from Boston,
don't your
Yes; Icame from Be ston, replied; but
how did you know that
oh" said he, with grin, Il heard you
call for pie"
1t Is almost unnecessary to state that the
names Of the ideal Boston pies are apple
mince, squash, pumpkin, custard, lemon
Washington, peach, PUN, cherry, berry,
cream, cranberry, rhubarb, cocoanut and
strawberry shortcake. The latter, believe
Is not called pie, because in pie the upper
and lower crusts are afectionately stuck on
each other, which Is not strictly the case in
strawberry shortcake ANY maker or seller
OF pies will tell you that the sales of apple
pies exceed those of any other.
Apple pies, when made of the season:
apple, are tride less destructive chan any
other species.
Mlnce pies, when ma ie of mince, are less
harmful than those mince pies not made OF
mince; but mince or no mince, they do more
thinking for man than any other kind OF
pie, and arc therefore the intellectual pie paI
excellence.
Squash and mince pies are very inoffensive
when eaten without crust. The same thing
tic traits OF tho eggs m ade in making thess
pies may modify this statement somewhat
The lemon pie is the favorite with young
housekeepers. Newly married men are
specially warned against this pie
Washington pie, when not made too high
can be taken in by the ordinary mouth
Otherwise it must be well jammed. A friend
OF mine says that this pie was named aftel
the great George, beca asa he was very FOND
OF It. This conflicts with the popular theory
which assigns cherry pie the first place ir
Georges menu.
Peach pie, if fairly free from stones can bt
eaten as easily as any pie
Plum pie is, next to bona fide minoe, the
rarest pie in the marke5.
Berry pie Is one of the handiest pies afioat
have known boarding houses to tide over a
very dull summer on IL Is interesting product
Cream pie, cranberry pie and rhubarb pie
have never done anything to warrant special
mention.
FROM BOSTON TO PATAGONIA.
How many pies are eaten in Boston dur.
ing one yearg' l asked well known baker
the other day
II have made a verv interesting calcula-
ton, 3" was the reply, ''end know that it will
make you smile. ! calculate that there are
5,OOOOCO pies eaten III this city during one
year. Supposing those pies to be sold for ten
cents each, which is a low estimate and you
have 81, 100000 Making another calculation,
find that there are over 1851 miles Of pies
made In Boston in one year. In other words,
II the pies made In Boston during the year
1888 were placed one after another they
would reach from Boston to St Georges bay,
Patagonia; or in a noT1 hwesterly direction to
the west coast of Alaska, near Behring's
strait; or changing the direction again, to
Constantinople, or again, to Loango, in AZ
rica, or to the Baltic sea, or to west Egypt,
or the Gulf of Gufnei, and add those pies
made III Chelsea for the same period and the
line would reach to Babylon, or TO the
Society islands, in the Pacific. There are
some horses who will refuse to go even when
bundle Of hay is moved at q distance from
them. But you hold a quarter of pie before
q well developed boy and he will run his
shoes of. have heard Of boy who brought
home a good from school every day for a
year, receiving a section of pie for each
good The boy did not live to attend
school another year "
The nIagpie is not a Boston pie
1t is prevalent mistake TO suppose that
George Washington WIS found guilty of cut
ting down cherry tree. am assured that
it was cherry pie George cut with his httl.
hatchet.
Printers pie is very irreligious pie, bein
frequently made by the devil and provoke
more swearing than any other kind OF pie
E. F. Burns i'll Boston Globe.
Natura!ness of New York Ladies'.