The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-08-01
NUMBER %.
THE REGULAR SUNDAY MORNING
PROGRAMME AT HOME,

THE REGULAR SUNDAY MORNING
PROGRAMME AT HOME.
] suppose the regular Sundsy morning
programme at our house is the same as
at all others, and / presume Mr.. Bowser's
conduct is the same as that of the
average husband. He is snoring away
at . O'Clock, when | give HIM dig and
remark
Come, Mr., Bowser, we are going to
church this morning."
After about a dozen digs get him out
OF bed and in due time we have break.
fast. After that the performance begins.
AS the curtain goes up Mr.. Bowser is
heard saying
I'D like to know what particular
benefit we get from sitting in church for
an hour and half and listening to a dry
old sermon !"
"Well, we must go for example,"
Example! Who knows whether we
go to church or stay at homer"
Everybody knows, Mr.. Bowser. We
are in a nelghborhood of church goers,
and we shall be set down as heathens If
we don't go.n
81 might listen to 40, 900 such sermons
as we hear and not be an iota better, but
suppose | must be dragged off. have
got clean shirt ?"
"Of course / have-five or six of them,
Go right up and dress Yourself"
He proceeds very slowly upstairs,
muttering as he goes, and in about a
minute calls over the banister
'lf there's Anybody in Detroit who
can find my shirts I'll give him a $50
BILL"
"They are in the lower drawer of your
bureau"
"Oh They are ! What did you tell
me to look in the closet for ?"
From the interval of silence that en-
sues it is fair to presume that Mr.. Bow
ser makes a discovery. There are five
shirts in the drawer ,all alike as to clean.
illness, but he lays the five out on the
floor and makes selection. When he
has done this he calls out
Have you given my shirt buttons
away"
81 never gave any of your shirt but
tons away"
Then where are they ?"
SIN the shirt you have on, of course.
You never had but one set."
ooh, didn't. Some men have a set
for every day in the year, I suppose ~
There is another interval of silence,
during which he is supposed to get into
the shirt, but it is presently broken by 4:
Where's my Sunday pantaloons p
Hanging up in the clothes press"
"They are not there I've looked the
blamed thing over forty times !"
"On the first hook at the right of the
door,"
"What did you go and move them off
the first hoot to the left of the door for ?
Hereafter l want you to let my clothes
alone !"
have about three minutes of rest and
then Mr.. Bowser inquiries
SIS there such a thing as a collar In
this house, or have all of mine been taken
for dish cloths and mop rags ?"
"Your collars are in with your shirts.
1t is strange how helpless some men
are."
There is silence for about five minutes
this time. Then Mr.. Bowser comes
down stairs with one end of his collar
buttoned, his hair standing up and his
eyes having dangerous look.
Mrs. Bowser, do you pretend this is
one of my collars?" he hastily demands.
Certainly it is. Anything wrong?"
Wrong Why the internal thing
won't go half around my neck I'll be
hanged if this isn't the worst run house
in Michigan !"
l buttoned his collar. 1t buttons very
easily, and he goes back upstairs to put
on his necktie and vest and calls out
How much did that second hand
T,,nF, niva xyO,, for ,,,y ooaf
II haven't sold any coat ~
"You must have 1 can't find my
Sunday coat anywhere up here, 1t Ism t
down in the basement, is it p
l go up, and his coat is lying across a
chair, right where he flung it.
ut will be the last time go to church
for year, and you chalk that down -
he growls, as l descend to finish my
dressing,
By ten o'clock Mr.. Bowser is dressed
and down stairs. Then he discovers
that his shoes want shine, and his hat
and oveTcoat must be brushed, and after
pulling the right shoe on the left foot he
mildly observes
"Church ! church Don't you ever
say church to me again !"
By and by he discovers that he is
minus handkerchief and gloves, and
after going up stairs and hunting around
he calls out
did the yOung'uns swallow all the
handkerchiefs in the house ?"
"No, dear, you will find clean one in
your hip pocket"
Why didn't you say so at first"
You didn't ask"
"Well, my gloves are gone"
They are in your coat-tail pocket"
sob, they are You saw me come
upstairs and never said word, sup.
pose now I'll have to wait half an hour
for you"
mo, dear; I'm all ready. l had TO
stop to tell the cook about those ducks
and to feed the baby and to fix button
on my shoe, but Pm all ready"
"It's the last time fool around like
this. There my burned old watch has
stopped"
"Never mind the watch. Let's be 20.
ing"
"And l believe I've busted my sus-
penders ~
get him started however. He growls
all the way to church, scowls at the
minister throughout the sermon, and it's
only after the service is out that he says
to me as we walk homeward
MRS. Bowser, wish you would re-
form in one matter. Look at the num-
ber of people out to-day, and then think
how they would estimate us if we stayed
at home. l hope to see you a little more
enthusiastic about getting out to ser
vice."
~ II. 4 Il.