The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-03-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Plucky men-Poulterers
Aids to cdection-NIirrors.
Fashions surplus The hustle.
A designing man-The architect.
Fpitaph for boatman-Life is oar.
Steak ,hUlders-Rcstauran walters.
Time out of mind--.A forgotten date.
A ''cow- catcher"--Pleuro-p pneumonia.
loom for argument-1he courtroom.
A hand. hand affair-Courting in
the dark.
The oldest verse in existence-Thc
universe.
Beef was high when the COW jumped
over the moon.
A sad case Of absence of mind in one
so young-The juvenile 81 won't"
A hotel advertises among its attrac-
tions ''parlor for ladies thirty-tive feet
wide. "-DarOit Free Press.
"Where would you advise me to go
to, doctor2 / suffer so from insomnia
YOU'D better go to sleep"
No man is big enough to safely ignore
the influence that put him where he Is.
Unless he happens to be in Jail.
You cannot expect man to tell
which way the wind is, simply because
he is a little vain. .-B0st0R Bulletin.
The butcher who had his whole stock
attached complained that there was too
much lien on his meat. Hotel Nal.
Mrs. Westward of Chicago, said her
husband tried almost everything, but
never made money until he tried lard.
The photographer is about the 70zs'ssS
man who is not afraid to tell lady To-
shut her mouth and try to look pleasant.
The burning of the malt-house the
other day went against the grain and
caused considerable ferment -NsD IOr5
Aeio'.
There is something paradoXical
about counterseiting. it is money
making business which does not pay
NsO York NeiO'.
"Nlary, how is it that the chairs arc
all covered with dust" "Why, ma'ael,
no one has been sitting on them so far
to-day. - Goot Housckse2iag.
"Hear9 my last jolSe' 1t is great
positively Shakespearian. "Ges, l
| heard it, thought it was earlier than
| Shakespeare, though. "-Blsdr.
1t must seem strange, wbene'er it SHOWS,
To the man who motion lacks;
1t matters not how slow he goes,
He cannot help make tracks.
Judge.
"The wealth of the Vanderbilt family
! is now computed at S2I4. 600, 900. "
There is one family that will be able TO
! buy ice this summer. Richmond DIS
| patch.
Clara-"5a k, eau you return my
! lovel" Jack lwho has an "uuderstand-
/ ing" with Clara's sister -"Clara, | can
not, but Will always be a brother'in-
! law to YOU
| He said in derision, "Oh give us a rest
/ To the copper whose eye he had caught.
The policeman with promptness did grant
the re luest,
And gave him arrest on the spot
-Hertha5it lr0reier.
ooh, ostman, o-morrow morning
have something very important TO say to
my husband. Couldn't you be Just a
little slow, so as not to deliver his news
papers till oonn-F Flieyeh ie Biastsr.
The infinite variety
OF winter weather
Breeds discomfort safety,
And Rgue altogether,
lscourages sObrety,
And also strict propriety
I'm polish ON shoe leather
-ChicTgO NeiCS.
The craze for whistling among girls is
seriously troubling the humorous editor
of the Boston Transcript. He says it is
almost impossible to tell whether a girl
is soliciting a kiss, or is only preparing
10 pucker. He ought to give the girl
the benefit of the doubt. - lOuEy tyra
Herald.
"Aud this is silver ore is it, said
Mrs. Snaggs, as she examined piece OF
curious looking mineral in a Denver
smelter. "les, my dear" said her hus-
band "And how do they get the silver
outin "Thcy smelt it," "Well, that's
queer" after applying her nose to the
ore. IL smelt it, too, but didn't get
any silver. ~ omaha Be-.
4. T. 4 Hs... e. Ia.