The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-09
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

It used to be said that there Is no
fool like an old fool, but that was be-
fore there were so many young ones.
"A Russian novelist was recently
arrested on suspicion of being impli-
Gated in plot They read his works.
He was discharged.-Puck.
why do you not punctu
ate your compositions" Pupil-"Be-
cause you told us the other day it was
vulgar to point. boston Gazette.
Utah can not come into the Union
because of too much marrying. Some
States ought to go out because OF too
much divorcing. -Cincinnati Enquirer.
First Critic-"They say that when
Hamfat plays Macbeth he is not salts
fed with killing Duncan" Second
Critic-"No; he murders Shakespeare.
America.
-Dalbey-"I am proud to say never
had an enemy that l didn't get square
with" Wagfall-'If you would only
pursue the same plan with your friends,
Dalbey, several of the boys would be
sporting new spring overcoats. "-Terre
Haute Express.
-''Darling," he said, Il can not
show my great love for you by rich
diamonds and jewels, but you know the
strong, manly heart is a gem of no in
ksignifcant WORTH eyes, I now
that" She said, "but you wear on
your sleeve. Life.
-"My dear" said the good Wi, as
she looked over to where her husband
was counting up his losses on the cleo
ton. "who is the fool killer the papers
are always talking about?" "How do
1 knowP' he queried, savagely; II
never met him." mo, James," she
responded, softly, Il didn't suppose
you had"
Miss Blight met Jennie Cash
croft to-day. She told me, by the way,
that she never allowed Cashcroft to
kiss her until after they were married"
Miss Spite-"So he married her out of
curiosity, l suppose. If you had only
tried that plan last summer, perhaps
you might have been Mrs. Cashcroft
yourself, dear" -Terre Haute Express.
Catching a Tartar. - Physician
(arousing tramp one morning from a
nap on his doorstep) Here, what is
the matter with you? Can't you move
more lively?" Tramp-''rm feeling
pretty bad, boss, and can't be expected
to move in a hurry" P.-"What's
the NATTER" Tive been at deaths
door all night. Boston Budget.
Most Wallpapers nowadays con-
tain arsenic, some of them in such
quantities as to justify the sensational
headline, Death on Parlor Wallis"
but you might set that line in letters
sixteen inches long and explain. the
danger in column after column of
double-leaded BREWER, and yet you can
not brighten the young men away be-
fore the half-hour clock had struck one
understandable Journal.
You look tired, Miss Brown; too
much dancingp" 80, dear, no; but we
gave what is called an engaged din
ner,' last week, where eight betrothed
couples were invited, and afterwards
they each retired to eight different
corners of the two rooms and whispered
all the evening, and it reminded papa
and mamma so much of their courtship
that they went out and sat on the stairs.
and left me alone. Do you wonder
still look tired" -Time.
"A public dinner. Brown is seated
next to Smith, whose shirt-front is dec
GRATED with three magnificent diamond
(?) studs. Brown-''Excuse me, Smith,
but can't help admiring those studs
of yours" Smith-''Yes; l think they
are pretty good" Brown-''Don't you
think you run great risk with them?
suppose you have them insured?"
Smith-'Insured? No, should be glad
to do so, but there isn't company in
existence that will take risk of that
sort" Brown--"My dear fellow, l beg
your pardon--there are several plate
glass insurance offices in New York"
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