davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
ALLEGED HUMOR.

"Plenty of Time WAITS River,
VT, would be frst-rate place for a
junction, wouldn't it p Burlington
Free Press.
Give Him a Pension-Smith-
Jones, were you enlisted during the
war;" Jones-"No, but my SYM
pathies were. = Burlington Free
Press.
John Wanamaker began life with
out a dollar in his pocket. Unless
John is a marsupial, like the kanga-
roo, he began life without a pocket
Il Chicago Times.
Heavy Journalism-Ol lady-"I
hope, my boy, you don't sell papers
on Sunday" Smallnewsboy (sadly)
mo, mum; | amt big enough ter
carry a Sunday edition et"- Har-
per's Bazaar.
No Flies on the Elephant.-'I de-
clare, said Noah, as he wiped the
perspiration from his brow, were
going to be cramped for room
don't know where we're going to put
all these animals" Boss" suggest
ed the elephant and the mastodon,
both of whom were switching their
tails viciously, why not leave out
the flies and mosquitoes? They take
up more room than we do. = Har-
per's Monthly for April.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04

will be bigger than anything we now
have afoat Then there are to be
a very fast ram for harbor defense, a
cruiser of the Vesuvius class, also
very fast; two small cruisers of 1900
tons, and last, but not least, sub
merging armed steel cruising moni-
tor of 5000 tons.
The speech made by Secretary Ira
cy at the Hamilton club recently is
sufficient evidence, if any were need
ed, that the department, while he IS
its head, will devote its energies to
the completion of these plans and
the creation of navy which may
enable us to make ourselves respect
ed in all quarters of the world. He
has magnificent opportunity, and
no one who knows him can doubt
than he will use it magnificently. At
the end of four years he may be able
to say that he found our navy wood
en- and left it steel New York Mail
and EXDreSS
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
Application for License.

NANCY GlLFIlI-AN'S ESTATE
STATE OF VERMONT. Caledonia District S.
In Probate Court, holden at the Probate
Office in st. Johnsbury, the 9th day of
March, n. ID. 1889.
Hiram X. Robbie, administrator with will
annexed upon the Estate of Nancy GiIfllan,
late of Barnet in said district, deceased,
makes application to said Court for license
to sell the whole of the real estate of said
deceased, consisting of one hundred and fif-
teen acres of land, more less, with dwell
ing house and outbuildngS thereon, situate
in Barnet aforesaid representing to said
Court that it would he beneficial to the heirs
legatccs, dcviSeeS and all persons interested
in the estate of said deceased to sell the whole
of the real estate of said deceased as afore-
said, and convert the same into money; and
also brings there with into court the consent
and appreciation in writing to the granting
of such license of all the heirs, legatecs and
deViSeeS to said estate residing in this state
Whereupon, it is ordered by said Court
that said application come under considera-
ton and be heard on the 9th day of April
A D. 1889, at the Probate Office in st.
Johnsbury; and, it is further ordered, that
all persons interested he notified hereof bv
publication of notice of this application and
order thereon, three weeks successfully in the
Caledonian printed at St. JohnSbury, before
said time of hearing, that they may appear
at said time and place, and if they see cause,
object thereto.
BY the Court, Attest,
95-97 WALTER p SMITH, Judge.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
Harvard University, March IS.
HIGH LICENSE SUITS THE LIQUOR
SELLERS.

Peter Her, president of the liquor
dealers association, says, after six
years trial of the $1OOO-license law
in his state: High license has not
hurt our business, but, on the con-
trary, has been great benefit to it.
l do not think that it lessons the
quantity of liquor used, but places it
in fewer hands. | have an extensive
acquaintance through this state, and
l believe if it were put to a vote of
the liquor dealers and saloon men
whetherit should be high license, low
license, or no license, they would al
most unanimously be for high Ii
cense." Mr.. Her is probably the
largest whisky distiller in America.
His distilleries are at Omaha. Surely
he is a competent judge of the effect
of high license on the liquor trade.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
Presentation of Account.

HORACE E ANDRUS'S ESTATE
STATE OF VERMONT, Caledonia District S.
In Probate Court, held at the Probate Office
in st. Johnsbury, in said District on the 81 st
day of March, A u. $50.
Nina E. Andrus Administrative upon the
estate of Horace f. AndruS late of Hardwick,
in said District, deceased, presents his admin
lStrat1on account for examination and allow
ance, and makes application for decree of dis
tr1but1on and partition of the estate of said
deceased. Whereupon, it is ordered by said
Court, that said account and said application
be referred to 4 session thereof, to be held at
the Probate Office in st. Iohnsbury. on the
18th day of April, A ID 1889, for hearing
and decision thereon: And it is further order
ed that notice hereof be given to all persons
interested, by publication of the same three
weeks successfully in the Caledonian, Il news
paper published at St JohnsbuTy previous to
said time appointed for hearing, that they
may appear at said time and place and show
cause if any they may have why said account
should not be allowed and such decree made
BY the Court. Attest:
96-9S WALTER Z. SMITH, Judge.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
"REMINISCENCES OF PROF. WOOD.

l regret to learn that Professor
John G. Wood, the English writer and
lecturer on natural history who died
lately, left his family wholly unpro-
vided for. People who heard his lee
lures orlistened to his interesting con-
versation will recall the absorption
in his work to which he no doubt
sacrificed his life, and if small pro-
portion of the readers of his popular
books give something to aid his fam
lily they will be placed beyond the
reach of want. No one probably has
done more to popularize natural his
tory than he; and his readiness and
skill in illustration added much to his
popularity as lecturer
l recall a familiar talk which he
gave at the ST. Botolph club on the
habits and conformation of the cock
roach, which invested that unpopu-
lar insect with aesthetic interest, and
his pictures of its anatomy with diff
ferent colored chalks on blackboard
gave the audience a new idea of its
adoption to its uses as a Scavenger
and sanitarian On this occasion
Professor Wood told an anecdote
which put the subtlety of the cock
roach in novel light, and showed
also that it was not above yielding
to temptations which beset human
beings. A neighbor of his, Mr.. Sims
Reeves, the singer, having found that
the champagne bottles in his cellar
were half empty, and that the corks
had apparently not been tempered
10 for
explanation of the mystery. On eX-
aiming the bottles he laid the re-
sponsibility for the disappearance of
the wine upon the cockrOaches, and
showed his friend how they were able
to insert their feelers under the cOrks
and suck out the sparkling liquid.
A watch set in the cellar proved the
SurmiSe to be correct. Late at night
the cOckrOacheS were detected at
their nefariOus work; some of them
were seen crawling off in fuddled
condition, and others were in the last
stages of intoxication.
remember Professor Wood saving
that he found the dime museums a
school for the study of natural his
tory; he discovered in one of them a
missing link between the horse and
his prehistoric predecessor. He was
a believer in the existence of the sea
serpent, identifyingit, as Agassiz did,
with the antediluvian saurians
These "reminiscences of the genial nat
uralist deepen my sense of the loss
which has been sustained by his death
and make me the more eager to urge
upon his friends and the public the
duty of relieving the necessities of his
family .-[Taverner in the Boston
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
Commissioners Notice.

WILLIAM w lila Nj 10 L y i T.
The subscribers. having been appointed by
the Honorable Probate Court for the District
of Caledonia. Commissioners to receive. eN-
anime, and adjust all claims and demands OF
all persons against the estate of William
Williams. late of Peacham in said District
deceased, and the term of six months from
the 2Sth day of March, SS9. being allowed
by said Court to the Creditors of said de
ceased, to exhibit and prove their respective
claims before us Give notice that will
attend TO the -uties of our appointment at
the house of Mrs. William Williams in Peach
am in said district the 22d day of April
and the 3Oth day Of Sept next. at O'Clock
in the afternoon. on each Of said days.
PLYNN BOLTON
NJ. :. HIDDEN.
o6-9S Commissioners
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
THE NEW Ma Wy.

There are now in the service of the
United States four or, perhaps, five
ships that can be called modern in
material and design. None of them
are line-of-battle ships, and none of
them are meant for stand-up fight
with such a ship; but they could, in
a pinch, make things unpleasant for
any but the strongest class of foreign
vessels, and in cruising, the service
for which they were intended, they
would no doubt prove highly effec-
tive
Before the present secretary of the
navy retires from office it may be
reasonably expected that our fleet
will contain about thirty more war
vessels, a majority of them rather
small, but of great efficiency in the
service for which they are intended.
The new gunboat Yorktown has al
ready had her trial trip, and seems
to have proven herself a success.
The Charleston, at San Francisco,
is practically complete, and will be
ready for sea in a short time. The
Baltimore is also nearly ready. The
reconstructed old monitors, Milan
tonomoh, Puritan, Terror, Monad-
mock and Amphitrite, are respected to
be ready for service within the year.
The new battle-ship Maine has re-
Gently been begun at the Brooklyn
yard. The Texas, the ship which is
to be built on English designs fur
nished by the Barrow ship-building
company, Is begun. The cruisers
San Francisco, Bennington, Concord
and Philadelphia are in course of
construction
In addition to these vessels, pro-
vision has been made by the last two
Congresses for twelve additional
ships. Two of these are to be steel
cruisers of 5000 tons displacement;
one a steel cruiser of $500 tons; one
of 1900 tons, and three gunboats of
1000 tons each. One of these will be
a big ship, and the 53OO-ton vessel
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
DEATH OF JOHN BRIGHT.

Three names of Englishmen are or
ought to be inscribed in the pages of
later American history in the same
colors and held in the same reverence
as those of Chatham and Burke in our
earlier annals These are Golden,
Bright, and Mill All have now
passed from the stage, Mr. Bright
having died on Wednesday in his
seventy-eighth year. The illness from
which he suffered took SO severe a
hold upon him last November that
his life was then despaired of, but he
rallied and seemed for a time to have
shaken it off but the resisting pow
ers of one who has passed the age of
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
PLA YFUL, PUzzLING PIGS.

What is that, target
No, Horatio, it is a means of pleas
ant relaxation.
How do you relax yourself with it!
You try to so shift, shake, tip, tilt,
unsettle, move, dispose, twist, turn,
spin, jump, joggle, juggle, jounce, rat
tie, rustic, hustle or kick that parti-
toned box around as to induce, in
cite, entice, persuade, urge, coax,
wheedle, allure, drive, solicit, force,
draw, lead, punch, prod, tempt or
beguile those four marbles into the
little box i'll the innermost sanctuary.
This feat is called putting the pigs in
the pen, and its accomplishment is
at present the haunting dream of all
men, from banana peddlers to mem
bers of the cabinet-from aldermen
to archbishops from bootblacks to
statesmen.
Is it so hard 1t looks easy
That is just what many brave,
good men have said President H ar
rison thought it was easy until he
tried-so did Mr.. Gladstone and
General Boulanger. But there is no
record that President Harrison ever
got the pigs safely penned. The
mind that has thought out a practi-
cal scheme of home rule for Ireland
and chased the uneasy Robert Els
mere from his airy posings on the
clouds of German metaphysics to his
final refuge in practical Unitarianism
the mind of the Grand Old Man
has not yet perfectly planned the inn
prisonment of the pigs. And as for
General Boulanger, that glittering
Gaul is said to have labored with the
accursed toy for three days and three
nights, and finally to have cast it
from him with the despairing cry
Sacred name of little blue ribbon !
Is it, then, that the American pig
threatens the destinies of France?"
Why, it must be lots of fun
must try it for myself.
Beware, Horatio, how you NEEDLE
with those fatal pigs. The fifteen
puzzle has slain its thousands, and
the rhyme of the pink trip slip for the
three cent fare its tens of thousands;
but the pig puzzle is nightier than
these. Go, go, boy; you are young,
careless and happy; look not upon
the pigs while they are loose in the
box; play poker, policy, faro, hearts,
loo; drink, smoke opium or forget the
girl you love and the flag you revere !;
but refrain your hand from the pig
puzzle lest worse things come upon
you New York Press.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
THE IDEA.
Photographs Taken at Night

Instantaneously, right in your home
by your own fireside and with your sur
rounding, with little no inconvenience and
absolute safety Family groups, portraits of
invalids and people unable to- visit studio
speciality
Parties, weddings, social gatherings, and
many other occasions where picture could
be obtained in other way. Even ma
chinery in motion can be taken
Appointments and correspondence solicited.
Our studio will be open Tuesday and Sat
urday eveningsf for making portraits with our
and improved apparatus
DICKERMAN & COOPER,
9OtfJ Photographers. Opp. AthenRum.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
New Publications.

The Story of the Puritans, by Wal
lace Peck, is a spicy little volume
bound in handsome covers bearing
an elaborate original design by KEN
BILE, the famous artist The book is
a humorous history of our fore
fathers, made the more racy by APP
propriate illustrations in colors- If
the Puritans could have read it they
would certainly have laughed at the
satire of the writer and canonized
him as their saint of wit and humor
Published at so cents by Charles 7.
Walter, st .Johnsbury.
The Century for April is valuable
historical number as it is a centenni-
al number devoted to Washington $
Inauguration, concerning which there
are FIVE articles. George KEENAN,
writes of the Russian police, the Lin
coin history bringsus to the drafting
period and George H. Bates writes
on the Samoan question
Cen Sba--,ar'c only CON ThnmaS
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
Commissioners Notice.
WATERMAN w. wRIGHT'S ESTATE

WAL EKMAN w W RIG ID = ESTATE
The subscribers, having been appointed by
the Honorable Probate Court for the District
of Caledonia, Commissioners to receive. ex-
anime, and adjust all claims and demands of
all persons against the estate of Waterman
w. Wright, late of Boston, Mass, in said
District, deceased, and the term of six months
from the 18th day of March, 1889, being
allowed by said Court to the creditors of said
deceased, to exhibit and prove their respective
claims before us: Give notice that we will
attend to the duties of our appointment at
the house of the deceased. in Ryegate in said
district, on the 18th day of April and the
10th day of September next, at ten O'Clock in
the forenoon, each of said DAYS.
NJ. X. GRAY,
DAVID BUCHANAN,
Q6-qS Commissioners
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
LAWYERS and Justices.
NEW BLANKS.

Warrant of Commitment to House of Cor
rection and Justice Executions. New and
approved forms For sale at Californian
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04
UPHOLST STEERING.

The subscriber is prepared to do all kinds
of Upholstcring Work. Furniture Repairing,
laying carpets, hanging window Shades,
picking over hair Mattresses and general
Furniture Repairs. n. r. SWITSER.
Opposite Presbyterian church, Eastern Ave
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04

Gen. SherInan's only son, Thomas
Ewing Sherman, will be ordained
Jesuit in July.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04

President William B. Strong of the
Atchison, Topeka and Santa Feroad,
was born in Bloomington, in 1887.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-04-04

l shall vote against the constitu
tional amendment concerning prohi
bition. First, because | think that
the constitution ought not to deal
with such matters; and, secondly,
because for promoting temperance l
prefer the combination of local option
and high license to prohibition.
CHARLES w ELIOT.
Harvard University, March 49,
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04
An Apache "John Daisy"

A"John Daisy"-the nearest approach
that can be made to a correct pronuncia-
tiOn of the Apache term for mule-is inher-
emily bad. He becomes worse "a he ex.
pands into official life as a public animal,
for the general deviltry of a government
mule is proverbial and W hen he is promoted
to the dignity of the pack, and drafted into
the train OF an Indian scouting company,
with the personal equine-asinine equation
of distinct mulish individuality. he assimi-
lates at once with his new associates and
surroundings, and there is no scurvy trick
under heaven of which he does not become
at once possessed. He is so dangerously
skillful with his heels that the Indians in
~stinctively fear him, and will seldom lend a
hand in packing. Once in the pack the
Spanish Mexican jonghdasy is a daisy in all
kinds of rascality.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04
Temesvar's Great Lottery Prize.

The Hungarian who, with five tickets,
won half million tlorins. the amount of
the five prizes in lottery at Temesvar,
gave his name as Melchiof Farkas, and said
that he was landed proprietor. 1t had.
from the first. been supposed that it was
impossible to win much. and now it is
reported from Temesvar that the orphan
boy who was sent from the orphanase as
usual to draw the five numbers from the
wheel had been dismissed before doing SO.
and that another boy selected by the
municipal officials actually drew the num-
beers, The first boy had received his usual
fee of two forms In the meantime Farkas
Buda Pesth il 10 announced that no landed
proprietor of that name exists The case is
one of all-absorbing interest to the Vienna
public; If the affair turns out to have been
merely piece of good luck. it will increass
the popular passion Tor gamonn& In small
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04

Two Santa Cruz Cal. fishermen recently
caught q basking shark between thirty and
thiriyye feet Ons in qrt their Ts net Fight,
net The fishermen let him alone until he
drovned himself. and with the assistance
of seven boats, pm He'd him into the bay.
The basKing sharks a. re not man eaters, and
about two tons The liver of this species
il about one-thiId of the whole fish. and
the amount of oil fried ont of it's liver was
between 100 and 15o galAonV.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04

The Pennsylvania railroad has taken off
the embargo on baby carriages, and now
considers them personal baggage. The con-
sequence is large arrivals in this city on the
Pennsylvania's connecting lines OF the per-
ambulators accompanying the trunks of the
visitors from the Keystone and other States
To our sea shore and mountain resorts.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04
Written for the Sunday Journal.

Written for the Sunday Journal.
Jap Miller.
Jap Miller down at Martinsville's the blamdest
When he starts in a-talkin' other folks is apt to
Pears lie that mouth o. his'n wuzn't made fer
nothin' else
But jes' to argify 'em down and gether in their
pelts.
He'll talk You down on tariff; er he'll talk you
down on tax.
And prove the pore man pays 'em all-and them's
about the facts.
Religen, law, er politics. prize-nghin' er base
ball
Jes' fetch Jap up little and he'll post you bout
And the comicalest Teller ever tilted back cheer
And tuck chaw tobacker kindo like he didn't
keer
There's where the feller's stren'th lays-he's so
They haint no dude about old Jap. you bet you,
nary grain
They 1ec,ed him to Council and it never turned
And didn't make no difference what anybody
said
He didn't dress no finer. ner rag out in fancy
But his voice in Council-meetin's is a turrer to
his foes.
He's fer the pore man ever time. and in the
He stumped old Morgan county, through the
sunshine and the rain,
And helt the banner upards from a-trailin' in
the dust,
And cut loose on monopolies and cuss'd and
cussd and cuss'd!
He'd teu some funny story ever now and then,
you know,
Tel, blame it. it wuz better'n jack-o'lantern
show.
And I'd go furder yit, to-day, to hear old Jap
nOrate
Than any heightened crater at ever stumped the
State.
Wy, that-air blame Jap Miller, with his keen,
sarcastic fun
Has got more friends than any candidate at ever
run.
Don't matter what his views is, when he states
the same To you
They allns coincide with your'n the same as two
and two
You can't take issue with him-er at least they
haint no sense
In startin' in to down him, so you better not
commence
The best ways es' to listen. like yer humble SER
want does,
And les cOncede Jap Miller is the best man ever
james Whitcomb Riley.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04
victoria.s Gifts to Her Grandchild.

No mention is found among the presents
given to Princess Louise of a gift from the
Queen, and this has been much commented
on. The inevitable Indian shawl. in this
case arranged as a cloak, has been be-
slowed but hear of nothing else. | be-
lieve that the Queen has given her pres
She contributed largely to the expense of
the Princesss trousseau, which cost her
usarlv 81 (0O
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04
Make ne Punishment Fit the Crime.

The New York Tribune believes that the
man who c:Srries his umbrella under his
arm ought 10 be shot on sight. The Tribune
ia tribe severe. The fellow who carries
some other fed lows umbrella under his arm
deserves shoe ting; a kicking is sufficient
punishment for the first-named offense. :
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04

lotteries; whereas, if it is proved that foul
means have been employed in the drawing
of the pl lies it might at once put a stop to
the lnSfil wilton.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04
"TOO Late"

TOO Late"
There was nothing In the story"
Thus the people said;
But they load her name with glory,
Now that she is dead.
"Were the verses worth the readfngl"
Hush. she wrote for bread.
Every line seems full OF pleading,
Now that she is dead!
Weary fingers, temples throbbing,
Heart that weighed as lead,
Eyelids used to slumber-rObbing,
All. and now she's dead!
Oye people, how your scorning
Filled her soul with dread.
"Let me Sleep she mOaned: and morning
Came, and found her dead!
Kindly judge. then. those who, living.
In her footsteps tread.
Praises. too late in the giving,
Come but to the dead.
-Chambers's Journal.