The Bolivar bulletin. (Bolivar, Tenn.) 1888-1946, 1889-06-14

y
purpose under heaven" That certain
ly includes human plans; and there is
no way of adjusting ones life to this
fact of Providence except by method. -
William NJ. Thayer, in Yankee Blade.
FIGHTING THE COOK.
How a Fierce Battle for Dishes Was
Fought In Kitchen.
Mark Lemon. editor of London
Punch, told the following story of a
dinner obtained under difficulties:
you all know little Blank-gives
capital dinners Well. the soup was all
right, and the fish followed-cool1ed as
usual to perfection-the remains were
removed; then came an uncommonly
long pause. Blank looked at Mrs. Blank
and Mrs Blank looked at Mr. Blank,
and matters became very embarrassing.
Presently the butler appeared and
whispered to his mistress-the lady
changed color and said:
Good gracious! How horrible!"
whats the matter?' said Blank.
Where is the rest of the dinner?'
Its in the kitchen, sir, replied the
butler, and cook says there isn't one of
the dishes that satisfies her, and she
won't allow them to come up
d" She won't allow! We will soon see
about that What on earth can the
woman mean? exclaimed the master of
the house as he arose from his chair.
:" L beg your pardon, sir, interpOsed
the butler, 1 think you had best not go
So - =
intention, for cook. am sorry to say,
has been drinking hard and she
threatens to marder the first person
that touches one of the dishes.
4" Murder! I'll murder herr said the
host, as he turned to leave the room.
g" My dear, cried Mrs. Blank, pray
be careful You know the woman 3
violent temper when she is sober. and
what it must be whom she is-Oh, Mr..
Lemon. do go with my husbandn
" BY all means said !, as followed
Blank into the kitchen.
The maid and a most cowardly foot
man we're standing in the dresser, shiv-
ering with fear In the center of the
floor stood the cOok-a tremendous fe-
male, six feet high, and stout in proper
! tiOn-armed with the spit, with which
| she declared she would run the frs
! person through who ventured to touch
one of the dishes, which were arranged
around her in a circle on the floor
4" How dare you to act in this way,
woman?' said Blank.
d" Woman indeed! Who are you
| calling woman, l should like to know:
| BE so good as not to call me names,
/ Mr.. Blank. My name is Mrs. Green
as you we'll know, and l have a charac
/ ter to lose, and / am not a-gOing to lose
/ it through that drafted kitchen maid
which would be dear at no wages anC
find herself It's all through her as
the dinner is spoilt 1t amt fit to pu
before --. No, you don't with ;
huge lunge with the split at the butler
who had tried to snatch one of the
dishes.
BLANK and l started back, for the
drunken woman was really dangerous
We held a whispered consultation.
just make feint in front of the
fury said Blank. Take care of the
spit. She is uncertain on her legs.
will get behind and pinion her. ~
Rather bold. this wasn't it, of {
little fellow like Blank? Well, tried
to turn the female warriors attention
re the kitchen-maid, whom 1 effected
to scold for spelling the dinner, ant
at the same time made a dash a
one of the dishes. This confused tn,
woman, and Blank threw his arm
about her. but, bless you! they wouldn'
meet, and she upset him in a moment
You just try that again. mister,
said the lady, and I'll spoil that dres
shirt of yours
Mrs. Green, said ], now do listel
to reason. There are several ladies an
gentlemen upstairs who are hungry
Do let them have their dinners. Neve
mind if it's not quite up to your usua
high mark of excellence
~ don't know you, mister said tn
cook, and l don't allow no strangers t.
interfere with me Get along wit
you
Here a bright idea occurred to me
/ had noticed a bowl of some kind O
sauce standing on the kitchen dresser
1 seized it and threw the contents full
in the cooks face. This staggered her
for IL was rather warm. Down fell tn
spit with clang upon the floor; tn
butler and footman rushed upon tn
fury, piuioned her and carried her in
screeching fit Of Mysteries into her bed
room"
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