Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-04-29

When the pantry doors unlocked, the
small boy gets his deserts.
A Cape Cod fisherman calls his boat
''The Kiss" because it is nothing but a
smack.
A Western boy ran for congress when
he was only fourteen years old. He was
page in the House.
A hawk may get the rooster after break
fast, but before breakfast the rooster al
ways takes a crow.
A young man in town says the best kind
of metre to save gas is ''meet her by
moonlight alone"
Why not abbreviate Alaska to L. S.,
which would sufficiently identify it as
the place of the seal.
Il move"-began a member of con-
gress, when voice in the gallery called,
mot until you pay your rent"
Il never saw my hands so dirty as
yours" said mother to little girl. 81
guess grandma has, was the quick reply.
Mrs. Westend-Did you see the artist,
Whistler, while in England? Mr.. Lake
side (of ChicagO) Yes indeed-heard
her whistle.
SPORT saw a dog in full dress to-day.
Clayton-For goodness sake. When is
dog in full dress? Sport-When he has
on his collar and pants.
Yes, a young woman possessed of a
million certainly. has a good figure, and
the young man who lives on Washington
square has a pleasing address.
She-You were not so dissipated be-
fore we were married. He-Indeed L
was, my dear; but when anybody told
you so then, you wouldn't believe it.
A fortune hunter, while wedding an
heiress, in repeating the marriage service,
unwittingly, but most aptly, said, with
all my goodly words l thee endow."
When hen goes into executive session
she keeps very still until the business is
transacted and then she gives it all away.
The hen should be a United States Sena-
tor.
A little girl who was enjoying broiled
partridge for breakfast remarked that she
did not think it at all strange that Esau
sold his birthright for mess of part
ridge, it was certainly delicious
Hobbs-I understand that Dobson's
wife is German, and that he mastered
the German language to win her. Jones
Well, he must have expended all his
Al, 10 tban hos
never mastered her.
A child in public school in city not
many thousand miles from Portland was
requested by the teacher to name six ami
mails living in the torrid zone. The child
readily responded, 1.-TWO flies, three mos
quitoes and a crocodile"
sWill the hair grow after death?" is
a question that is being agitated by scien-
on whose hair it is. We have known a
mans hair to grow right along, after his
wife was laid in the silent tomb.
At Adrian (Mich.) u lady saw an en-
CINE house with a steeple, and lpnocently
asked a gentleman attendant, "What
church is that?" The gentleman, after
reading the sign ''Deluge No. 3D." replied
II guess it must be the Third Baptist.
Passenger (to street car conductor)-
Do you ever go to church, young man
Conductor-No, sir; but 1 always get
load of people coming from church every
Sunday morning, so 1 know all about the
sermon. good many poor sermons
preached now a-days, sir"
Irate father-Young manu. am amazed
astoqnded, sir, that you should seek 70
marry my daughter on so short an ac-
auaintance. You are almost stranger
to her. Young maxwell, she don't take
any more chances than | do. She's al
most a stranger to me, too.
stWhat did Noah live on when the flood
had subsidized and his provisions in the
ark were exhausted?" asked a Washing
ton Sunday school teacher of her class
last Sunday. Il know" squeaked little
girl, after all the others had given 1t up.
"Well, what?" inquired the teacher
ssDry land"