davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
DON'T TALK TO THE MAN AT THE
WHEEL.


Thisis an outrage. To whom should we apply
for reliable information as to the shoals and
rapids, the State lines and steam pressure, the
beauties Of the landscape and the operation Of
the electric light at the bow, If not to the man
at the wheelf He is in the right spot, both to
see all these first and crate upon them from his
pleasant little rostrum on the forward deck.
and it is an outrage upon the dissemination Of
useful information to enforce such gag law.
He can better explain the slings and arrows Of
outrageous fortune which ply from the bows Of
an Ohio or Mississippi steamer than any man
on earth. and yet. as valuable reference. =
wooden Indian might as well occupy the posi-
ton.
want to talk to the man at the wheel, and
he must be a stern wheeler indeed who would
refuse to listen to me or to satisfy the acquired
and burning desire for universal knowledge.
Let the spokes Of the wheel itself protest against
such unwarranted silence.
But this is not the only line in which efforts
are made to head of conversation. There are
others beside packet lines for example:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
STANLEY'S RECORDS IMPROVING.
The Copyright of His Book Said to Have
Reen Sold for e4O. 900.

The Copyright of His Book Said to Have
Been Sold for 100000.
rBY CABLE TO THE DIsPATcH.I
LONDON, November 80.-Stanley's records
grow better as they proceed. There has been
much dull reading in the letters, SO far as the
adventure-loving public is concerned, but some
of the latter letters, including those last notes
of poor Lupton Bey, who was done to death
and wanted his friends to know that he died
game, form touching chapter in the latest
history of African exploration. The call of Omar
Sales to Emin to embrace Mohammedanism
is another interesting incident "Only believe"
says he, 'in effect, and you will be saved. Re-
fuse to believe and you will be hacked to
pieces in this world and damned in the next"
1t is said that Stanley sold the copyright of
his forthcoming work on the Emin Relief Ad-
ventures for 100000, but this is probably an ex-
aggeration. The present desire of the publish
ers is to call the book: How Relieved Emin."
There is almost as great desire to get hold of
Emin's adventures as there is Of Stanley's, but
his records will probably be published by
German house. The German newspapers are
complaining that too much importance is at
tached to Stanley's participation in the relief
of Emin Bey, andthat the doctor gets too little
credit for his devotion and heroism.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
THE CUT ON LIVER PILLS.

The leading features Of combinations, and
the cutthroat rivalries which they produce
when their existence is jeopardized, have
broken out in a new trade. All the country
knows that a combination among druggists
generally maintains the prices of patent
medicines at three or four times their first
cost; but as the calm consideration of the
matter induces the reflection that the man
who buys patent medicines deserves to be
mulcted. no one has ever dreamed it worth
while to make fuss about it.
But the combination of druggists in At
lanta. Ca, is fractured and the consequence
is the usual rate war. One druggist asserted
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
A Bit of southside RemInIscence-TheV Valor
of CoOuey scharn-A smile-TwO Tooth
Pulls and n BaIlade on a Brace Of

n
of Cooney schnrff-A smile-TwO Tooth
Pulls and n Ballade ON n Brace Of
Proverbs.
Iri pity that some local Thackeray has
not sketched for us q half-dozen characters
who fourished in this burg during the war
times and for dozen years later. lmade their
acquaintance the other day at secondhand
through a well-known Pittsburger, who has
that delightful faculty of mimicry which Is
an endowment to rdconteur. If the pictures
of little coterie which used to meet on the
southsIde at the time speak of, which my in
formant drew for me, could be transferred to
type, they would be appreciated no doubt. An
idea of one of the figures is all that shall at
tempt to give.
THERE must be good many people on the
Southside who remember Cooney Scharh, and
more who will identify him as the father OF
Billy Scharff, the oarsman. Cooney served In
the Union army during the war, and ne was
very fond after his return from the held OF
talking about his military exploits. The fact
that he drove wagon in the commlssarlat de-
partment did not prevent him from claiming
big share in the glory that crowned the Union
armies. When he had had q glass or two OF
beer, and set of agreeable cronies had gath
cred about him, nothing pleased him better
than to launch into harangue after tnls
fashion: "When dot war was going on where
was II To der front, of course. was always
to der front. When dot great General Banks
was retreating up der valley OF Virginny,
where was den? Twas to der front, gentle
men. And yit when come home saw in der
noosepapers and everywhere stories and pic
lures about Banks and dem oder fellers, and
not word about Cooneyl Dat was der way Of
it always"
Then some one would pop in with query
about the battle of Antietam and Cooney would
say: "Was at Antietam? Well, should say
was. was at dot battle, and when come back
saw dot HaTpeT'S Weekly. And dere was der
battle Just like it was-and the soldiers fghtin',
and right in front of der picture was man
standin' on the roof Of the house behind a
chimney And say to mine boy: Billy, come
here, see dose battles your Ifarder was in.' And
dot boy he climb on his farder's knee and
show him the picture of AntietaIn, and say to
him: Billy, snow me your farder.' And Billy
he point to theman behind the chimney-and
say: Billy, you know your farder yitP
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
WHAT THE WINS ARK SAYING.


Gweudolin-Did young Jack Handsome
press his suit warmly last night7 GuineTsrs-Noi
he pressed mine.-Toisdo Blade.
When Pope his harp attunsd to lofty flight,
And sung these wordss ''Whatever is u right, -
He ne'er bad smellsd duds'S vile cigarette.
You bet. -chfoa0o Tribuaa
ATTENTION
The country, citizens. bespeaks
Your prayerful fntercesslon,
For Monday next begin The weeks
When Congress Is In session.
-B0st0n Rspubts.
Tommy-Paw, what is the differences BE-
tween . politician and . statesman7 Mr. FogE-
A heap. While mans alive and In other peo-
pleis way he Is politician. After he has been
dead for 30 or 20 years he becomes asntesman.-
--Tsrre Hauts Express.
Retort Courteous.-s'I'd have you to
know. ,, said Cholly Van Antwerp, that NJ
reputation Is dear to me a. any oEe's can Be %
him.
reputation ike yours. ',-AslC York 6un.
A Partial Victor. Boy-Oh. got
away with mother to-day. She tried 70 make ne
come in the house 20 she could whip ne. ana
wouldn't doih
second Boy-Bully for youl What dId he dol
saOh, she whipped me. but she had % come oul
In the yard 70 DO Il. ii--Nsl0 1ore Sun.
The new powers that be in Brazil appea1
70 be sparine no effort to make things pleasant lot
Dom Pedro when he arrives In Europe The ox@
potentate may appropriately remark to his nr1z|ls
nm well-wishersi
ssPerhaps Il vas right TO dissemble youf lore.
But-Why did you kick me down stairll"
--Bosfon Asrul1
Foeg-BroWn must think . great deal 81
that young lady he Is waiting on. He actually
wenE 70 church with her on sunday.
The Rev. Mr.. Textual-Iea Il was ny church
saw him there. But then be came alone % hear
me preach the sunday before
Foee-You don't mean itl Then he l1l1f1a
good deal more Of her than ! had any idla cl--
Boston zranscripf.
Sewing Machine Agent--Good morning.
reverend sir. You know something. 10 goa n1I
OF = society IN this place known a1 the H4It1Icrn
Sewing Circle. keVefend-l do young man 1o.
Sewing Machine Arent-Then you can Il|I ne 20
doubt what kind or Swing ihcI particularly It.
4oia Ih1m1-Ir1t Tor H1Fsrtnd-I regret I1 ~.
ny 0I.nf |11I |1o1 devote |fen1.|I.1 u1.I b.
I1noa.|I 81 soH|u< ne seelt q. scandal. = 7|...
r>1Z p'|F1I.&
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
IvERsAT1oE WITH TEE
Is PRoHrB1TED.


So, you are to sit mum, chance and let him
carry you six squares beyond your street with
out telling him you know where to stop
You are to remain under mistaken impress
sion as to the name Of the last boy he killed
without getting him as the best authority to
set you right You are to stay In hopeless
ignorance as to wheter he is q ''tripper." or Of
what pay he gets without word on the sub
iect. and all because bloated corporation puts
up job of printing, enjoining you TO keep
silence. This is intolerable. want to know
which Is the grip and which the brake lever
and which Is the most liable to break. want
to know the speed Of the different cable divi-
sions and what the effect Of sudden stop
would be. Iwant to know Why the air line has
smoking compartments and the others nave
not and I'll find these things out If the grip
man is alive for want all these various In
truders upon my rights Of conversation to show
that the Western adage is equally applicable 20
the tongue as to the mill: "Don't monkey with
the buzz saw when in moshun." MONTE.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
PLEASE DO NOT CONVERSE WITH
THE CLERKS WHILE CON-
FOUNDING PRESCRIPTIONS.

Oh, yes. keep quite mum. not knowing
whether the above clerk Is substituting arsenic
for EPSON salts in your prescription. View in
silent complaeency his placid style Of rolling up
a nickel's worth of drugs. 2 cents worth Of
paper, l cents worth Of twine and 81 worth
of your time, for all Of which he charges 70
cents and keep quiet during the operation.
Human nature eouldn't stand IT. and won't
stand it without at least demanding why in
thunder he doesn't hurry up, or making some
cheerful remark about the number Of drug
clerks in State prison for making rash expert
ments ON the human system. Just to make him
feel comfortable. Have sick patients no
rightsf Why. even the doctors force rs TO
show our tongues. and don't propose that an
ordinary drug clerk shall put on any airs over
q regularly ordained doctor If can help r.
The only redeeming feature about this notice
is the prefix please
On land, as on vater. the same tyranny 70
passengers is exercised No sooner had the
grip car got its grip upon the streets Of our city
than in the most rude type imaginable. which
would even stare lady out Of countenance,
the notice appeared:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
CarIe.ou,s Lecture.

WIN Carleton, author Of the celebrated
poems "Betsey and I Are Out" "over the Hills
to the Poor House." etc, who Is to lecture at
Old City Hall Tuesday evening next, Is one Of
the most brilliant orators now on the platform
He Is in his prime, and brings with him the ex-
perience Of l5 years in public speaking. He
has made home and home affections sweeter to
hundreds Of thousands "Gone with .
Han'somer Man" is the poem that Wilson Bar
reputation that of q brilliant after-uinner re-
citer He gives IL the supreme actors compli-
ment when he says, There Is material enough
In that short poem for aplay."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
DON'T SPEAK TO THE ACCOUNTANT
WHILE ADDING A COLUMN OF FIGURES.


Now this Is pretty state Of affairs. I must
stand in mute admiration while some arithmeti-
cal crank without any more bowels than gas
pipe Is debiting me with five-pound chunk Of
oleomargarine, which I never received. No,
sir; in such case silence would mean consent,
and propose to enter vigorous protest both
then and there. His columns, indeed They
don't support the State ike the columns Of .
newspaper, and propose TO have an interview
with the cashier or accountant as often as pre-
scribed by the city editor, even If the aforesaid
experts show sorry figures afterward. Beside.
If you want mathematical question answered
when is there q better time for having
it solved than while the ngurer IL In
full practice? And what 10 an Accountants for
If not to give an account Of himself, any delay
in doing which leaves him open to suspicion.
Oh, yes. the accountant who refuses to speak
even while adding column Of figures would
not answer.
Here is another, an attack upon the very
vitality of the people:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
NEW YORK NEWS NOTES.
Arrested for Passing Bogus Checks.
NEW YORK BUREAU sPEcIALs.I

INEH 1Ohk BUBEAU ShEClALSsl
NEW YORK, November S0-The Rev. Stephen
Merritt, undertaken, related in q police court
to-day how Leonard E. St. Clair had passed a
worthless check for $50 ON him two days ago.
Mr.. st. Clair introduced himself to the under
taker as philanthropist who wished to pay the
bill against the widow of a poor laborer-
recently buried by the Rev. Merritt. The bill
was for s32 st. Clair handed the Rev. Merritt
the $50 check on the Second National Bank.
Just then a tramp entered the shop. st. Clair
delivered little homily on the beauties Of
charity, and had the Rev. Merritt give the
tramp 81 out Of the face value of the check.
Then he pocketed his SIT change and left Two
hours later the check was dishonored. and the
Rev. Merritt put the police on st. Clair's track.
The cashier of the Second National Bank testi-
fed that St. Clair had been passing bogus
checks on that bank for the last three months.
Often two or three had been presented in one
day by small tradesmen whom he had induced
to advance money on them. St. Clair was re-
manded.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

THE movement in Massachusetts,, to send
men who get drunk to the workhouse for six
months, is disapproved by the New York
Herald as "a narrow-minded movement" 1t
will doubtless appear so to the gentry who re-
quire broad-gauge roadway to navigate in;
but the sober part of the public may conclude:
that change in the policy of prosecuting peo-
pie who sell liquors, and treating those who
buy it, as innocent lambs, will not be without
its salutary effects
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

IF the Allegheny Traction road causes
new and improved bridge over the Allegheny at
Sixth street, it will be recognized as an addi-
tional advantage. The present bridge was
noted improvement in its day; but it has been
left far in the rear by the advance in the art of
bridge architecture.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

IT is asserted that the beavers have Joined
the ranks of the cold-winter pro phets and are
building their structure a story and half
deeper than usual The opinion of the beavers
is worthy of all respect but in this case they
discredit themselves by joining the side of
Hicks, Of St. Louis. A st. Louis weather
prophet is enough to ruin the business reputa-
tion Of any prophetic beaver.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

The fact that steel rails are reported to be
selling at the same price in London as in Pitts
burg is more of an indication Of the boom in
England than of the low price of rails here.
Nevertheless. our free trade brethren keep on
telling of the way in which the price Of rails
is increased by the tariff.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

AN Eastern cotemporary remarks that sit
is quite natural that the movement for the
ameliorarion of the condition of political pris-
oners in Siberia should be received with indif-
ference and doubt by the many" explaining it
by the fact that new reforms are received in
that way Perhaps more cogent explanation
Of the doubt might be proffered by the inquiry
how a movement in the United States is ex-
pected to ameliorate the condition of the pris-
Oners in Siberia. Is the United States Govern
ment to send its new navy up the Lena delta?
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

THE doubt as to what flag the vessel is
sailing under that carries Dom Pedro to Portu-
gal must be confusing to the rest of the world
ana painfully suggestive to the distinguished
passenger, of the period when it was doubtful
what Government ruled Brazil.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

THE outflow of oratcry for the prosecution
in the Cronin trial leaves the defendants ap-
parently in a bad condition; but it remains to
be seen what the attorneys for the defense can
do in the line of Oratory, apart from raising OBJ
jections.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

Dom PEDRO delared when last in Portu-
gal that he was an american and Republican.
Under those circumstances it seems rather
unjust that he should not have been allowed to
stay in the new Republ lie and grow up with the
Government
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

THE statement of the firm of Long & Co.
is good deal more prompt in making its ap-
pearance than the statement Of the Lawrence
Bank. If the latter can make affairs look more
hopeful for creditors however, the delay in its
appearance may be forgiven.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
A SMILE.

A novel nowadays is naught
Unless Its motive be
With deep didactic matter fraught
And flavor ''Elsmerey.''
But set such volumes on the shelf;
I'll never touch the pile.
Let Howells preach-but for myself,
Well, prefer to smile.
The ribbon blue is to the fore,
And with solemn pledge
Good people swear to drink no more
potent beverage.
But when the wind blows bitter cold,
like in modest style,
With friends and wine-both good and old
Well, just to take q smile.
Some croakers tell us every day
We're goingto the dogs;
But, happily, for all they say,
Along the country jogs,
With fortunes favors on her breast,
Her heart all free from guile,
The friend of peoples still oppressed
Columbia may smilel
A toast to you, o. loving wifeI
drink IL with will
Who lighteneth the road ofMfe,
AS doth a laughing rill,
That ripples tinkllng by the way
For many weary mileg-
Who turneth sorrows night to day
With but gentle smile.
E.E
WHEN one is in affiiction it Is . rare pleasure
to turn it to some use.
Between the acts In the dentists chair the
other day the gentle operator with the forceps
In his hand said to me: did you ever heal
what smart student told professor in den
tistry about mans endowment with teethi
The professor who was examining the class
said: How many sets Of teeth does mar get
in his lifetime, and how are they distinguished
""rhree SETS replied the student, temporary,
and artifcialp"
80
THOSE whiskers are enough to make any
one's face ache" remarked a sympathetic
young woman to an unfortunate man who was
from a new beard and toOthache at
the same time.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

Mr.. HARRISON the day before Thanks
giving stated: There are many personal rea-
sons why should feel thankful" Yes; and
prominent among them might stand the fact
that the Presidential election did not fall in
1890
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

ALASKA is asking for a territorial Gov
ernment. 1t might be pleasant for the settlers
and the native Alaskans to have Legislature
Of their own; but it remains to be seen whether
the Alaska Seal Company will permit them to
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
BIG SALE OF AUTOGRAPHS.
Some Interesting Lots to be Brought Across
the Atlantic by Americans.

the Atlantic by Americans.
rBY CABLE TO THE DIsPATcH.l
LONDON November 30.-There has been q
big sale Of autographs in London this week,
and there were large number of American
commissions for the more important lots. The
Americans, however, underestimate the prob
able prices, and their agents in nearly every
instance had to stop short long before the fall
of the auctioneer's hammer
Some interesting lots will, however, cross the
Atlantic, including a collection of letters from
BENJAMIN Franklin, Thomas jefferson and
other American celebrities and letter from
Shelley TO his father-in-law, complaining that
he had not been treated fairly by his family.
Mr.. Sabin gave 42O for the poets letter.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
DEATHS OF A DAY.
Janes Taylor.

James Taylor, father OF Mr.. Charles Taylor, OF
the Presb11erfdn Banner, and Robert Taylor, OF
the firm OF HIlliard Sterrett Co., died yesterday
aftern oon at his home on Conservatory Hill, Allie
rheDv He was IN the 10th year of his age, and
was ona of the oldest and most respected citizens
Of AlIerheny Funeral from Christ Episcopal
Church, Union avenue, Allegheny, Tomorrow
afternoon at 80 O'Clock.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01

The talk of protecting German interests
in Brazil probably grows out of a hope that Ger
man interests may be most efficiently protected
by gobbling slice of the new Republics i'm
mense domains.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
Certain Cure.

From the Detroit Free Press.l
A French physician recommends as sure
cure for dyspepsia that patients hold their
breath as long as possible several time per
day. This may help, but sure cure would be
to hold your breath all day long.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
Edrnr saIru. serIou.Iz m.
tBr CABLE TO THE DISPATCH.

LbL IAoLH 10 TIE DI1I AI11Is1
LONDON, November 30.-Edgar saltus is
dangerously i'll at the Cavendish Hotel. He
has been in London about week, having spent
q month previously in Paris. He Is suffering
with terrible facial neuralgia, and morphine
affords him the only relief from pain.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
A TALKRR WITH 4 GRIEVANCE.
He Wants to Know whvso Many stopper.
Are Placed Upon CouversarIon-A VIsor-
ous Protest Against Several GlariBg
Examples.
fwKTTEN ToR THE DIsPATcH.i

rwKrrEN FOE THE D1sPArcH.i
Are we to become a nation of quietists, and
this grand aggregation Of States to merge into
nothing better than q gid lntic speak-easy
through the opposition Of some people to con-
versationf Dear Beaver. don't talk" iS but
the local application Of general effort TO de-
prive the average citizen Of one of his fnalien-
able rights-that Of asking questions. Dickens
has very beautifully shown up this trait in our
national character, in his capacity as q carica-
turist, and probably the resentment provoked
by this produced the effect to secure national
reticence. Silence may be golden, but I an
talker from Talkville, and prefer the volumi-
nous and pleasant currency of conversation,
which IS prohibited in whatever direction turn.
Here. for example. is one Of the impediments
to speech. in fact, brake on conversation
which is particularly Objectionable:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
It's Chestnut.

From the Philadelphia Press,
1t is announced with something like official
authority that Mr.. Cleveland really wants the
Democratic nomination for President in 1892
This. however, is hardly in the nature of news.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
A BA1LADE OF TWO PROVERBS.

A BALLADE OF TWO PROVERBS.
When the books are open for all Iife's bills,
The record Of all you may buy and sell,
You must see that this truth front seat fills:
That the money you save will serve you well.
There's another truth yet the wise men tell.
And it's tied to the first with golden strings,
And to treasure it, too, is just aswell:
That next years. money no interest brings.
When your hopes are many, and high as hills,
Fair Truth, from the depths Of her crystal well,
No pIeasanter essence for man dstils
Than 1.-The money you save will serve you
we'll"
But never confde to the Turing spell.
Too often a syren sweetly sings
OF to-morrow's earnings-'tis labor's knelll
For next years money no interest brings
When the days are rainy and winter shrills,
When creditors come in rush pell nell.
You needn't be scared or white at the gllls,
For the money you've saved will serve you well.
But the same blow crushes the hlmsy she'll
And the Sheriff loud at the door bell rings,
And the spendthrift finds in his prison cell
That next years. money no interest brings.