Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-04-13
BUDGEr Oh f0.

Dopu.l ~ : 01
ON time rocks -zockine ths eraile.
Tn last rose Of summer-The cab
bage rows.
A cH1Ar way to lay IN coal Sleep =
the coal bin.
A PLuM-PuDDlNG on the table =
worth Two IN the stomach.
WEAK men are never over-bold, but
thcy are often bovled over.
WE cannot al be = wise . Solomon.
put We can al stop pretending that We
are.
A BORE i like the traditional hoop.
make-usually has long tale Of him
self in his mouth.
The philosophy Of everyday LIE
proves that many tailor-made girl can
take the conceit out Of seh.made
man.
An exchange speaks of . woman a
being the only one left of her family.
But how can woman be the only cir.
vivor.
JUDGE-H I got rs intoxicated "a
you do I'd shoot myself. Prisoner-H
you was 3 tossicated as I am you could
not hit barn door.
SNAGGs-I see an Elmira minister
preached last Sunday on what can I
do to be saved?" Jaggs-Seems to me
one of the first moves would be to get
out of Elmira.
WOMAN is rarely able to sharpen .
lead pencil or drive nail in the proper
way, but she generally knows how 10
manage husband and that's good
deal tougher job.
EMPLoYER-You say that your habits
are all correct. Applicant-Yes, sir.
Employer latter q moments pause)-
Do you drink? Applicant (absent-
minded)-Thanks. Don't care If do.
For the. sake of long-suffering hui
manity it is earnestly hoped that Mr..
Edison will never invent any sort Of
machine which will enable people to
hear what is said about them behind
their backs.
WIFE (reading morning paper)-
Why, the Mormans actually still claim
the right of having two, three, and
sometimes four wives at once. Husband
Why, at that rate, how can man
ever hope to be widower.
FATHER (who has given his. CONSENT
Il hope, young man, that you know the
value of the prize you will get in my
daughter? Young man-Wen-er-
sir; don't know the exact value; but
as near as I can find out, it's in the
neighborhood of $4,000.
I HAVE received the following COM
plant: I'm the poem which sent yog
the proof-reader made me say hunger
ing regret, whereas, wrote lingering
regret That's all right. The proof
reader understands that a poet is good
deal more apt to hunger than he is to
linger.
FoGG (arguing with Brown)-I tell
you prohibition will never prohibit. II
they pass the constitutional amend
ment we shall have free rum. Mrs. F.
Suddenly interested)-O, that1l be .
great saving to you, won't it, David?
You'll be able to buy me the sea.skin
sack next winter.
BINKs' Coachman (colored) II
thought you sayed yoah folks was so
dog gone rich. Jinks' Coachman Celtic
SO they are, ye black devil. Binks'
Coachman-Huh! I guess not. looked
in de winder las night an seen two
oh de young ladies playin' on de same
pianny. Guess you all has ter econo-
mize.
"AH." she said, with Q tremulous vi
bratory little sigh, "true happiness Is
something that is rarely experienced,
isn't it," "Yes," he replied, rarely,
and yet have known it. "When?"
"This evening"" with me?" "Yes;
about five minutes ago, when you told
me that your father was laid up with
rheumatism in his right Leg"
A MAIDEN's PRAYER.
maiden Of uncertain age
To catch Q husband did engage;
And having passed the prime Of Life
In striving to become q wife,
Beneath an oak this ancient maid
Knelt down, and fervently she prayed:
Send send husband, Lord, sbs cried,
while yet may become bride.
Else Ill die without an early love
And none to meet me in Heaven above
Just then an owl, perched up tho tree.
In deep, bass tones cried. -Whooi ali whee?'
And dost Thou ask me, good Lord, who?
why, any man, dear Lord, will dol"
Washington Critic.
FIRST department official Cat Wash
ington)-I had strange experience
to-day-strange. Second department.
oficial-You look as if you'd seen .
ghost. Come, tell me the story; any.
thing to relieve the monotony. 1T Is
not ghost story. It's all flesh and
blood" "We1l, well! Out with it.
"A man came to me to-day to ask about
q matter which I couldn refer to any
other department, and I actually had to
attend to it myself"
BRIpGEr=Tha nurse Saws. mnm. that