davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26

Georgs-Ehr You got engaged lat
night? Gus, my old, my dear friend
tell me how you did IL.
Gus Really hardly know myself
Couldn't help IT, Just like falling
down stairs was on the edge of n
proposal. she gave me a push. aud
there ] was-eDgaged.
We'll, haven't had any such en-
perience Every time ! try to start
my knees knock together, and my
teeth chatter, and my tongue cleayes
to the roof Of my mouth I've tried "a
dozen times to pop the question 10
Miss DE Pink, and slunped every
time.
And did she let you slnmp9''
"ies."
You are conrting the wrong girl.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26

DRUSHES.-JustI I, ceiyed a supply of Paint
ID Brushes and busters, ,WhitewasI Brushes.
Scrubbing Brushes. Kalsomine Brushes shoe
Brushes, all very cheap, at
McMCRRAN'S DRUG STORE
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26

Every man ought to have wife.
IL man is happily married, that one
rib il worth all the other bones In his
body.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26

Vow that bustIes are going cot OF
fashion 1t is 70 pe hoped that the In
dians will leave on their war whoops.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26

Every man Is hunting for . girl
until he Is married. Then he takes =
rest and his wife begins.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26

Heavily charged with electricity-
The subscribers to the Bell Telephone.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26
CLOVER SEED

hAVE for sale 10 or Is bushels of nice and
eiean cloverseed. j. ). MELVIN.
OuIhelds. March ., 1889.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26

is something nice and large; so much so that
every man can have plenty of styles TO make
a selection from. Remember, he carries
large line OF SHIRTS. dress and overshlrts'
also WORKING SHIRTS of all descriptions.
HOSIERY and UNDERWEAR. Remember,
we can save you money on all OF these things.
TRUNKS and VALISES. He has large line
OF them COLLARS and CUFFS. all the lat
est shapes and styles, and in fact' everything
that man needs in [ iothing and Furnishing
Goods. he can find at the Boss Clothing House
of Jacob Wntermoyer. Now all ask Oh my
friends and Gust omers is to come and see these
you can do better in buying your goods al
home than elsewhere. | wish to return my
thanks to all of my friends and customers Tor
their past kindness and hope continuance
OF the same in the future. | shall try my best
TO please you. Remember the old stand, Col
lege Square. - -,,.
The Boss Clothing Man.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26
!. J. S. FLEMING, Notary Public.

WILL take acknowledgements of Deeds
w Power of Attorney, Affidavits, Deposi
tions, and attend to all business connected
with the office.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26
EGGS and SWINE.

DIS from pure-bred Light Brahmas, Ply
mouth Rocks, Wyandottes and Wnlte
frsn9ihs. Also pure-bred Berkshire swine
%I sale, CD. WISONG.
u' H. lSSS-6m Shepherdstown, w. va.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1889-07-26
COAL! COAL! COAL!

IL and l have been especially careful in
purchasing only the very best quality, entire
ly free from slate. Don't fail TO examine my
stock and prices before purchasing.
CT. HODGES.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
A Diminutiye Marriage Fee.

A story is told about Kingston minis
ter's fee that causes amusement among the
clergy. lie was paid one dollar for marry
ing a couple. After they departed he was
about to hand the money to his wife when
the door bell rung. The. newly-marricd
wife said she wanted certificate. No mar
riage was good without one. 1t cost
twenty-five cents for blank that would suit
her. The reverend gentleman filed out the
blank IN the usual form, and she went away
seemingly satisfied. A few days later abe
again appeared at the door. Mister
said the woman in an aggreyed tone, ~
looked through the papers and can't find
a notice OF our wedding. You ought not
to treat us different from other folks" I"
So the dominic went to newspaper office
and paid fifty cents TO have notice in
serted. When he reached home he handed
the remaining twenty-five cents to his wife
with the remark; ''IIere, my dear, hurry
up and take this before that woman makes
another ll.p--[Kingston IN, W Free
man,
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
wAsHINeToN NOTES,

II is the general opinion that General
Harrison selected good, stout timber for
his Cabinet. There is great deal OF pine,
however. left among the politicians
A new Administration pudding, adver-
tised by an enterprising caterer, was found
to be full Of plums. t.ss,At4 s.
President Harrison is giving many people
the shake just at present-particularly the
ofiice-seekers. s..,.. .,l
Anxious inquirer; No, the Marine Band
is not a sea-faring organization. 1t only
indulges in waves Of melody to enliyen the
ship Of State.
The Republican Senators do not feel It
incumbent upon them to smoke Connecti-
cut cigars In order to encourage home In
dustry.
"Bil" Window was the frat bill passed
under the new regime
A dentist in Washington is showing the
strength OF the false teeth that he makes by
biting OIL pieces of the Monument and SELL
ing them as mementoes.
Only three new Congressman have been
taken In by bunco steerers as yet
To correspondent: You are mistaken in
thinking that the mutilated casts in the
Corcoran Art Gallery are due TO the vandal-
ism of visitors. The ravages are only those
of time.
The Hall of Representatives will not be
supplied with cut-glass reilectors this
season. The Congressman object to have
any reflection whatsoever cast upon them,
New York Evening Sun.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
An Uncle Of tho prs.ident.

tMlnnehpOils 1ripuneD
State Librarian VIII. Fl. Taylor is an
uncle Of President Harrison, to whom he
hears great resemblance. Colonel Taylor
is one Of the most popular State officials,
and WAS the first to receive an appointment
from Governor Merriam. He recently
passed his 75th birthday, and on that oc-
casion was recipient of handsome gold
watch from the lawyers of st. Paul, as well
as Of fine set Of Dickens works from the
young ladies' employed in the library,
Until quite recently he smoked great
many cigars, but ON the advice Of his
physician he gave up smoking almost en-
tirely. Colonel Taylor is a most genial
man, loving good story and possessing a
wonderful fund Of "reminiscences. He
knows his work thoroughly, and carries
he whole library catalogue in his head.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
HAD SAND IN HIS oRAw.

Thirteen years ago yesterday llallet
Kilbourn was incarcerated In the District
jail, by order Of the House OF Representa-
tives, for an alleged contempt of that hon
orable body, in refusing to disclose the
private business affairs OF his patrons, with
which Congress had no concern, to an in
quisitorial Congressional Investigating
Committee.
The sequel of this outrage upon the
rights Of a citizen was the unanimous de-
cision of the Supreme Court of the United
States defining the powers Of the House of
Representatives In such cases, and sustain
ing Mr.. Kilbourn's right of redress for false
Imprisonment against the Sergeant-at-
Arms of the House His suit for damages
resulted In judgment on the first trial for
100000 which amount, under Govern
ment pressure, was reduced, after two
trials, to 500 200, and this sum was paid by
an appropriation of Congress. Since then
the rights OF citizens against the usurpa-
tions of Congressional investigating com
mlttees have been protected, owing TO Mr.
Kilboun's plucky fight, and the Kilbourn
case has become historical In the jurispru-
dence of the country.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
WASHINGTON, MARCH Is. 1889.
COLLEGE MEN IN THE CABINET.

a number of newspapers have made
The assertion that college graduates do
not enter very largely into the new
Cabinet" As II matter of fact this
statement is not justified by the facts.
President Harrison and Secretary Blaine
are both college graduates. John w
Noble, Secretary of the Interior was n
schoolmate of President Harrison at
Miami, and afterward graduated from
Yale with class of 81 Attorney General
Miller isa graduate of Hamilton Uni
vcrsity, class of 81. Secretary of War
Proctor graduated from Dartmouth in
81 and Benjamin +. Tracy, Secretary
of the Navy, isa graduate of the Oswego
Academy, These, with Blaine, give
five out of the eight positions TO college
men. Furthermore, Secretary of
Treasury Window is college man,
though not q graduate.
The above facts may be Of interest to
those who hold that college course
does not increase young man 8 chances
Of success in life AS commented by
Mr.. G. S. Graves of Illinois, in recent
article on this subject, when we reflect
that only about one person in every 200
in the United States secures n college
education, then remember that fifteen
out of twenty-three Presidents. fourteen
out Of twenty-four Presidents,
nineteen out of twenty-nine Secretaries
Of State, sixteen out of twenty.six
Speakers of the House, thirty out of
forty lone Judges of the Supreme Court,
and five out of the six Chief Justices
have been college graduates, it will be
readily seen that they need no excuse.
The only wonder is that they have Sc
cured.so many positions of honor and
trust.
In proportion TO numbers, college
men, in politics AZ least, get the larger
share Of the prizes. The fact exists.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
General Harrison Wasn't Notified,
philadelphia Press.

A gentleman of an inquiring turn Of
mind, having had his curiosity aroused by
attendance upon his first inaugural sought
Senator Edmunds for information.
"Who notified General Harrison that he
had been elected President of the United
StatesY' he asked.
"Nobody. The law makes no provision
for such notification. The Presldent-elect
takes cognizance of the fact by general re-
port, the same as the Supreme Court JUS
tices, and,n continued the Vermont SEN
ator, with a merry twinkle in his eye, sin
100 years there has never been n case of
failure on the part OF the right. man to learn
Of his election in time to represent on In
auguration day.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
A SWEET MONOPOLY.


On festive nights when the ballroom
CLEANED with splendor,
Yet not 80 bright as shone my lady's
face,
My eyes were first to catch her dazzling
beauty,
Andreyel in the rhythm of her grace,
These eyes of mine were likewise last to
see her,
As waning stars in paling beauty shone,
And as the dancers To their couches hur-
lied,
quafied the music of her voice alone.
My arms around her slender waist have
fingered,
And pressed the shapely, yielding form
divine,
While in my heart sclashly exulted,
To know this privilege was solely mine
Within the meshes of her tangled tresses
My hands in sweet monopoly have played
Could lover be more blest, more fondly
favored
think not--for am my lady's maid,
is-LN New York Evening SUI.
Let Him Wait.
(Cbicago Herald.) etIr
II Bismarck must have a fght, let him
wait until John Sullivan sobers up.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
PRIzE (ONUNDRUM CONTEST.

Some of the contestants for THE CRrrro's
prize OF So for the best lot of original
conundrums with their answers, to be sent
in to this office before April !, have al
a few 81 ccimens being given below. The
conundrums may be sent II at any time -
the sooner the tetter--and will be pub
lished from time to time during the month,
AS already stated, the award will be made
by Mr.. w. j. hampton of THE CRITIC
editorial staff. The prize offered IS insiguif-
cant, but the contest will be at least curious,
and 1t is hoped The Carries readers will
enter into II heartily for the amusement 1t
viii afford Here are the first lott
a Paralyzer.
Why is the wind blind? Because the
wind is zephyr; zephyr is yarn; yarn is a
tale; a tail is an attachment; an attachment
is love, and love is blind. l.. IrBE.
Key and All.
What familiar Latin phrase aptly repre-
sents the present status of the Republican
party2 "Sine Qua(y)non,"
SWill this do for q conundrum9 guess
so; It is very qua-re II IL won't.
tluAJIsr.
Washington, March IA, 1850.
Oh, Dear!
!. Why is Bismarck like Oliver Twisty
lie wants Samoa.
Not Much Difference.
g. What is the difference between an adj
wiser and a bore One is mentor and the
other tormentor.
Dreadful.
3. What special fitness for the position
has one Of the candidates for the District
judgeship' lie would always administer
justice tempered with Mussey. :.
still on the Secretary.
4. WHY'S the Perraphaelite School like
the CabinetS Each has its Rusk IN.
BY the Aid of Hans.
B. Yawcob, who vas dot biggest man NIT
dose new Cabinetsg Wy, dot answer vos
Balm. .
The Authors View.
g. Why are the above five conundrums
like Lazarusa They are very poor. t
Washington, March 10. o. o. q.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

To Washington theatre-goers the face
and figure of Chang Yen Hoon, the Chinese
Minister, have become familiar. The rep
resentative of the old Empire doats on the
theatre,i and rarely misses play OF any
note presented here. He comes into HIS
box, takes front seat, leans one arm on
the railing and proceeds to enjoy himself,
turning occasionally to ask something from
the members Of his legation who, may be
with him. He has an eye for anything
feminine on the stage and for anything of
the.samc sort in the audience. Very ap-
preciatiye Of a thing rtwo is the Chinese
Minister .a- -srai.+- .,.t-.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
A Yankee with Forty-six trades.

Mr.. @. II. King of this city is natural
genius. When boy Of 0 or 10 he COM
peted miniature saw-mill, an exact coun-
terpart of the mill owned by his uncle, for
whom he worked. This was placed nnder
the mill, where II was run by a water wheel.
Long red potatoes were cut into ''planks"
and "boards," the machinery running with
the precision of the larger machines. AS
he grew older his genius developed until he
could turn his hand at anything He
worked at many trades, and was the master
of each after a short apprenticeship Mr..
King Is now GO years OF age, and In making
a list Of the various trades he has followed
be finds the total to be forty-six, Il Hart
ford Times.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
In Favor Of MT. webb.

WAsHIscToN, d. c., March l5.-Editor
Critic: ] Iindorse most heartily what "Prac-
tical Results' said In yesterdays CRITIC
about the superior fitness of Mr.. Webb for
District Commissioner, and sincerely hope
President Harrison will take the same view
Of the matter and send Mr.. Webb's name
to the Senate. He certainly can do more
to advance the material interests and gen
cral prosperity OF the District than any new
man. A. Il.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
Tyne-MritIng Noyels.

Noah Brooks and William ID. Howells are
among the few well-known writer's who
have learned to manipulate the type-writ-
ing machine. Mr.. Brooks, who has been
used 70 debating his literary productions
to.a stenographer now sits down 10 his
typewriter and playson the keys as he
q great deal Of time.-[C Chicago Inter Ocean
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

The most elaborate and magnificent exhi-
bition of fireworks ever known in this coun-
try was given at Washington the other
night, II cost $5,000.-[N Y. Herald.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

u.OWell tOuflert
Miss Amelia b. Edwards Is reckonod by
some the most learned wonap in the
world, There Is one thing she doesn't
know, however, which many OF her sex
do-and that is how much nicer 1t is to be
married than to be an old maid.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
welcoming n Visitor,


II the lady who is now wearing the $4,000
diamond earrings which We're bought and
paid for witha part of the money appro-
priated for putting In new ceiling for the
Assembly Chamber at Albany will promptly
restore the same, she will save herself fur
ther annoyance. The latest tldings from
Albany says she is visiting here in Boston.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

The Washington lamp-posts are so worn
that they VIII have to be replaced. twas
very costly inauguration Bonneville
Courier journal.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
CLoBE THEATRE,
NJ Pennsylvania avenue, near 18th street,
Matinees Tues, We'd Fri. and sat.
FIRSTrCLASS VARIETIES
Afternoon at g. Every Night at O'Clock.
Admission 10. 20 and 80 cents.


II AMERICAN ART
Under the Direction of the
LADY MANAGERS
of the
GARFIELD MEMORIAL HOSPITAL,
to be held at the
Residence of HON LEVI 4. MORTON,
1900 Rhode Island Avenue, Scott Circle,
Commencing
. THURSDAY EVENING, MARCH Z, 1880.
Tickets to be obtainable as below:
Mrs Tullock, l21 j st y. Q,
Mrs Staples, Willard's Hotel
Mrs Burrows, 1903 ii st.
Mrs Bell 1896 10Th st.
Mrs. Hubbard, 1923 Conn. ave.
Mrs. Metzerott, The Woodmont,
Mrs. Hawley, 203O I 81.
Mrs. Tucker, Calumet Place.
Mrs Ford Thompson, S0f I7th ST.
Mrs. Billings, 3027 N st.
Mrs. Rutherford, 1871 Corcoran ST.
Mrs. Dolph, . Lafayette Square.
Mrs Moore, 1906 X st.
Miss Dawes, ti1I ST.
Mrs Cockrell, 1918 Rst
Mrs. Burnett, 1170 Mass. ave
Mrs Audenreid, 1927 Vt. ave.
Tickets for the reception, admitting two
and including supper, 81; season tickets, adj
mitting two at any time during the exhibl-
tion, IS.
Single ticket for reception, supper and one
season ticket, S3 single entrance tickets,
SOC, (after the reception evening" or two days
In the week, 25c.
Only limited number OF reception tickets
will be issued.
Afternoon teas-every afternoon from to
0-seryed by lady managers and young lady
assistants.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

The L. S. SHIPS Yorktown and Vesuyius
are not yet out OF the woods, aud the OPP
position intimates that Secretary Tracy
will ''Roach" the Cramps.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

TliE B1owINo UP of the Nipsic having
been proved TO be a silly canard, let an in
yestigation be made as to who started IL,
Was II a stock-lobberg
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

No ONO MAN has yet been appointed to
an Office worth Buckeye; and strange to
say no Ohio men are after any high places.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

,,,an.u,
'''''
A., i,spronoo man dronnod ,h,s ,,to ,ho
slot this nornipo.
ruIiy txsuprn
Alas, how easilv th,ngs on wro,g.
match half burnt and q blaze too long.
Apd a burped mn buila,ng Ia M small iokc
Teocber, Tho N,tnro, u,storv o,oss wu,
what Is tho hest spec,men NJ tho domcs,,c
animaIy
Johnnie BROWN fstu,ddIv). 1u,po
Tommie Jones fbrigbtlyi. know
Tommie J.. Mother is. Iheard ma soy az.
Noior S,ofob. 7 sav. Hawkins ,vbat do
Won think of that cioar oav, vouy
Hawkins (weaklv1, I don,t think of n M
all Pm trvipg Ia forpet a..
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

IT BEGISsto look as II we might secure
fhstclass diplomatic material from the
American baseball mines now converting
European countries to Nineteenthcentury-
iefn
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

MIR, W. W. PHELPS as Samoan Commits
sioner to Berlin will not be good timber for
the French Mission if Bismarck finds It out.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

OPPicEsREKER, who was beaten by the
other fellows; "Tbe problem now is not
how to get Office, but how to get homc.n
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

BARRED from the table under the new
state Department regime; Chill sauce.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

PRESIDENT HARRISON had all the diplo.
mats at his house yesterday and had fun
with ihem.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

A coon many prominent Republicans are
wondering at present what they are Re
publicans for.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

EDITOR MARSHALL ofthe American Press
Association, New York, should apply for
membership in the '.spell Binders This
Is the style Of language he uses in q simple
description of one page of his combination:
From the bleak country ruled by the ice
king of the North To the balmy orange groves
OF Florida, and from the pine-clad hills of
Maine 10 the golden sands OF the Pacific, the
echoes of the praises OF this page are eter.
nally reverberating through the corridors of
time.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

COMMENT ny THE disappointed Hoosier;
Some fellow told me TO beware the idees
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

WEST VIRGINIA is becoming the Samoa
Df American politics.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

Major Stofah: say, Hawkins, what do
you think Of that cigar gave youy
Hawkins weakly; don't think Of 1t at
all. Pm trying to forget It.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
A.NArIoNAL ARR GALLERy.

Why should there not be at the Ma,
tional Capital an art gallery in which
weAmericans would feel pride and
which would be public educator?
Why should there not be in that gallery
all that is great in art in the world?
The idea is not impracticablc. A fab
nlous sum need not be expended in car.
rying ii out.
A good copy of painting is practi-
cally the painting itself So with a
good reproduction of piece of statu-
ary. Copies of paintings and duplica7
iions of pieces of statuary are not ex,
pensive. A national art gallery might
be-proyided with duplicates of all the
masterpieces of all the galleries of
Europe in return for an expenditure
which would not be felt by the United
States. Such a gallery would afford
Americans opportunity to view works
the mass of themwould otherwise never
see; il would be a place ofresort forthe
multitude who visit the Capital; il
would aid in the cultivation of q
higher standard of taste, and would be
good thing in every way. Itwould
be.a gallery the equal of which could
moi be found upon the face of the
globe.
The exact copies of paintings might
be made by American artists employed
by the Government, or could be secured
in such other way as seemed wisest by
sensible commission appointed for the
purpose The same plan could be
adopted in the, reproduction of statuary,
The whole affair would be a mere mat
ter OF business.
Americans are always ready to ex-
pend the public money for educational
purposes. Where could wiser ex'
penditure be made than in the direction
indicated? Why should not such q ma,
iional art gallery be provided for the
benefit of the American peopley
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15
CEITICULAE.

VIII the two-cent stamp stay greeuG
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

Teacher The Natural History class will
please stand up. Now, Johnnie Brown,
what is the best specimen OF the domestic
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

Alas how easily things go wrong;
A match half burnt and blaze too long,
And there comcth a smell of fire and smoke
And burned up building is no small Joke
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

Johnnie Brown (siupidly); dunno.
Tommie Jones brightly: know
Teacher: Well, what is it
Tommic j.: Mother is. heard pa say so
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

An observation IS credited to Mr.. Frank
Brooks of Chicago, which does infinite
credid to that geDtleman's perceptive
faculties. Mr.. Brooks was watching the
Glow and stately progress of the Corean
secretary down the street. After studying
the peculiar set and hang Of his fluttering,
wind-swayed garments for some little time
in silence, Mr.. Brooks smiled meditative
smile and remarked. "There la q great OUT
ward similarity between the C6rean gentle
man and the Indiana delegation; their
clothes ft just about alike. ! suspect,
though, his must have cost the most"
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

NEXT MINNIE PALMER In MY Brothers
WEEK Sister" and my Sweetheart"
Seats now on sale.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-15

An Insurance man dropped this into the
slot this morning: