Morning journal and courier., 1889-03-11
R EST.

Servant-The countess, sir, eloped with
 the coachman this morning. Count-Too bad! Best driver ever had. Town Topics.
 A Guinea Pig-The colonel, ''Dyou know 1 anything of the Spanish Castles companya'' Noble Lord, M. P. etc.-"Nothing-ex that Pm director. r."-Fun. l 1T don't know what has got into the papers
 lately; they haven't any news" "Ah, yes, ! but you know no news is good news. The papers are bracing up."-Hsrper's Bazar. Michsel-s"The pig-sty should not stand | so near the house. l. is unwho1eseme. "Oh, no, doctor, you are wrong. My pig has not | been sick an hour yet."-Fliegende Blatter. Quite mpossible.-He-s'So you think the 1 is impossible" He-"Why impossibleF" ! She-"Because when found it will not be I the missing link. ."-Time. "The poor know nothing of the trials of | the rich" Perhaps not; but if the poor read the newspapers they know that great many | of the rich escape protracted and painful tri- als by going to Canada.-Norristown Herald. William Merle Smith, formerly pitcher of the Princeton university base bali team, de- livered his first sermon as a New York pastor on Sunday last His delivery is said to be swift, but not puzzling Detroit Free Press.
 Mother (to eeven-year-old daughter)- "Carris, what makes you look so sada" Car rle-eTm thinking what bother that little
 brother of mine will be about ten years from now, when l enter society and have beau" Texas Siftings.
 Mrs. Goodheart-"Why don't you give that poor woman dime?" Mrs Tiptop-sMercy me! I can't afford to spare cent. As it is,I don't see how we are ever going to pay for that $500 dress I had to order for the charity ball. New York Weekly.
 s'Now, John," said Mrs. Dumley to her husband, who was recovering from 8 severe cold, 'tyou should wear an overcoat in the future" Maria,' said the head of the house, 'sam so low that you are already talking about the future?"-Time.
 Young waiter Cat medical dinner(- s'Them doctors use lot of wine, but s'pose they kin stand it." Old waiter-"Dunno about that. I'm thinkin' they're gettin' pEet- ty tight already" "They don't look so."
 'No; but they're beginnin' to agree. ."-Phil- adelphia Record.
 came of the libel suit of the sheriff against your sona" ''He had to pay five hundred marks fne." "You think that & great dealH' "You should have heard what he said about himi It was worth the money'- Fliegende Blattel.
 The old lady went to the theatre for the first time. The play was "Julius Cesar"
 w dal, sne SdlO 2IlerWarQ, rye Qearn tell that the theayter were bad, but I think it's wuss than bad. It's nothin' but crime to kill all them fellers just to amuse the aujience, an 1t oughter be put stop to.'-Harper's Bazar.
 Woebegone woman Ca worthy object of charity)-Please, sir, will you help mel have nothing in the house to eat, and my children are starving.
 "Nol Get along! I have nothing for you Get along with you, say, or I'll call an officer"
 Woman despairingly) y)-What hard hearted man! He must be one of the officers of the Relief and Aid society. Chicago Her aid.
 Last week." explains the editor of New Mexico paper, "we spoke of Colonel Allgore | as an ignorant old scoundrel who deserved to
 be in the penitentiary. The colonel, we are l informed, says this language is actlonsble, and he intends to sue for slsnder. In l order, therefore, to show that we are not ac- | tuated by malice, and are willing to meet the
 colonel half way in settling this matter ami l cably, we voluntarily retract the word 'igno- 1 rant. ."-Chicago Tribune.