davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
FULL or FUN.

"A Michigan man who had lost his
wife kept his store closed till after the
funeral and then docked his clerks for
lost time.
"A woman can drive pair Of dash
ing ponies, . bargain. an argument. or
. hen; but when it comes to little
Aat-headed tack-O my!-BurliSgeon
Free Press.
"A Dakota paper tells Of . man at
. political meeting who was ''hred
with indignation" We suppose this
is only another way Of saying he was
put out-Drakcs' Magazine.
Just try to frighten me. will
your" said B. to M "What
for?' II have got the hiccough. and
II you frighten me it will make it 60
away at oncc." ..Well then; here goes
(shouting at the top Of his voice):
Lend mo 500 francs!'' ''Ah! thanks; It
is gone!'-FIgaro.
Prisoner Ito his Lawyer)-"Do
you think will have justice shown
me?' Lawyer-'.rm afraid you won't
You see I've managed to get two men
or the jury who are opposed to capital
punishment life.
The diamonds in that bracelet,
madam" said the jeweler. ''wero
taken from an old aigrette." ''Well.
then. You needn't show 'em to me. l
don't want any thing that was ever
worn by one OF them horrid actresses. J"
-Jtweier's Weekly.
Here's de soot'ing sirup.
Leah" Ipstein's Baby (feebly)-'vot
Is it selling at, vater?" Ipstein-
..Twenty-five cents for q small pottle. :"
Ipstein's Baby-''You better try dc
wholesale blace, water; you can safe
forty ber shent, und vas going to
have q long spell init der collie. "
.dmcricd.
so you and Herbert are going to
be married?" said one young woman
to another" "Yes, pretty soon" !"
..You didn't threaten him with .
breach of promise suit. did yOu?"
mo. merely showed him the photo
graph that I always keep concealed
under the sofa. ."-Merchant Traveller.
Mamma" said Johnnie. still
smarting from shingle application.
sis the roof OF any thing on top OF
it," .'Of course it is." she said.
shortly. "And don't shingles always
60 on the roOf?" Certainly they do. "
Then Johnnie was silent for quite q
while. Finally he said. in QuaverinR
voice: "liamma, amt my roof upside
DOWN. Washington Critic.
-"Do yoa think" said Mrs. KILN.
of San Francisco. THAT my daughter Ia
sufficiently intelligent to enter your
seminary" II am sorry to say. mad
am" replied the Boston teacher. that
your daughter doesn't even know the
difference between q common and q
proper noun" ''She don't! Well.
have her taught straight of! l don't
want any thing common about her.
She must use only proper nouns in he'
cueSch "-Tinlr
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
A PERSISTENT PeDoLeR.

But He Failed to Dispose Of the Article
He Had for Sale.
Il should like to sell you q gimlct." ;"
said q care-worn-looking man. rs he
walked into an Office the other day.
I'VE have no use for one" replied
the cashier.
but you should always look into the
misty future" went on the friend. de-
murely. Next winter you will want
TO make holes in your boOt-heels so you
can get your skates on"
IL use club skates-no straps requir-
ed"
"You may want to screw some boards
together some time. The Old-fashion-
ed method Of driving screws in with a
hammer is perniciOus. as 1t deterior-
a:es the tenacity Of the fangs Of the
screws, rs it WERE"
Nothing to-day. SIR"
Tho gimlet also acts as q cork
screw-"
II don't want it."
1T may be used as a tack-hammer. a
cigar-holder and also As tooth brush. !"
IL don't want it."
ut has an eraser. q pen, an ink
stand. a table for computing compound
interest and y lunch-bOx attach
ment"
II can't help it; don't want it,"
II know you don't You're one OF
those mean men that won't buy gim-
let unless it has q restaurant, a trip to
Europe and IN Italian opera company
attached. You're the kind Of n man
who would live near an electric light to
save a gas bill"
And the pcddler walked out with his
mental plunge on the perpendicular
Texas Siftings.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

What is really best for US lies al
ways within our reach, though often
overlooked.
We can NOT conquer necessity. but
We can yield to it in such . way as tobe
greater than If We could.
1t is generally the idle who COM
plain they can not find time to do that
which they fancy they wish.
Abuse may not b criticism. but
sometimes the latter sounds very much
like the former.-San Francisco Jew.
ish Progress.
1t Is worth realizing. says the
Christian Union. that there is no such
thing rs commonplace life or uninter-
esting circumstances They are 50 only
because We do not see into them-do
not know them.
Morals differ from custom. in 20 far
as the former are certainly the science
Of human happiness, while the latter Ii
the result OF habit and example. often
formed. We know not how. and a. often
unwhOlcsOmc as wholesome
Superstition itself records no vainer
reliance than the trust in intellectual
culture a. an adequate antagonist or
controller to the passions and impulses.
which are the dynamios Of our nature.
and in their adjustment constitute char
actee. Martineam.
Common politeness IL very simple.
very easy, very cheap. Itcosts nothing
in effort; it il no tax upon either tho
physical or mental powers; It 10 always
gratefully received by polite people.
and it gratifies giver rs we'll as receiver.
Il makes all within the range Of It's in
iuence happier and better. and 1t
smooths many Of the rougher paths Of
life.
For their little the poor seem to Be
more grateful than are the rich for
their much. II one has felt precious
jewels dropping from him. or has felt
them torn ruthlessly from his breast
still he ought 10 be grateful for the
blessings that remain. Death. loss Of
property. are zero compared with the
loss OF truth, honor and purity.-The
Advance.
What a wretchedness 10 this, 70
thrust all our riches outward, and be
beggars within; TO contemplate nothing
but the little, vile and sordid things Of
the world; not the great. noble and
precious! We serve our avarice, and
not content with the good OF the earth
that is offered US, We search for the
evil that ID hidden.
Tho gravest complaints about In
civility often come against those who
assume to b exemplars Of society and
good manners, and they arc only toe
often just. So common Is IL for lady
70 refuse the acknowledgement Of the
courtesy extended when . gentleman
gives his seat TO lady In q street cal
that many gentlemen have abandoned
that particular act Of civility. except il
cases where they know the lady. and
they certainly have great proyccation.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
Not Reduced to Want.

II desire to insert this small adverA
tisement in your paper tomorrow
morning." she said.
This" said the advertising clerk.
looking it over. Twill 60 among the
wants"
Have you no wish columnr"
mo, mum"
.'Then. sir" said the young lady
from Boston. haughtily. 'you need not
insert it. Isimply wish q situation As
goyerness. That IL all. II is not .
case OF want. is there any newspaper
printed in English il this plscea'~-
Chicago ISibGDs.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16

-Ho who reforms himself has done
something toward reformation Of ths
crowd.
Don't depend on borrowed ideas.
any more than you would be content
with secondhand clothes
Tho Evelipa do Rothschild School
for Girls at Jerusalem has been opened
under tho direction Of Mile. Fortunee
Behar. It has moro than four hundred
pupils
The faculty Of Princeton College
have decided to publish . new quarter
" magazine. It is to be called the now
Princeton College Bulletin President
Patten will be the editor.
ALI the wonders OF Greek civiliza-
ton heaped together arc less wonder
full than is this simple book Of Psalms
the history Of the human soul in rela-
ton to its Maker.-Gladstone.
Prof. Blackie says: ''Never whip
your brain. All high pressure is dan
gerous. Study 70 think - easily and A.
quietly as you breathe Never force
yourself to learn what you have no tai
ent for"
1T is not q sign Of health In tho
Christian that he is constantly keeping
his spiritual ear near his heart to hear
it, beating. Tho best Christian life.
like the best physical. does not think
much about ITSELF Herein lies very
strong objection TO the whole race Of
faith cures and its allies.
Out OF Chinese population Of 500.
in Denver, COL. us are in school. and
100 Of them under decided religious in
fiuence In San Francisco there are
248 members connected with tho Chi
nese and japanese Church. 50 having
been added during the pass year
Christian Advocate, Nashville.
Tho training Of child does not
alter his nature. but It does control the
manner Of giving expression TO such
nature. The training Of child does
not give him q new and distinct char.
acter, but IL does 80 direct and control
that character as to repress and even
subdue evil thoughts and passions so
that there will be given to that char
acter q new aspect and accomplish
moro in its establishment for good than
Ill the teaching Of the schools
The late Samuel Miller, Of Lynch
burg. bequeathed to the university OF
Virginia 800. 900. the income from
which is to be expended for the ad-
vancement OF agriculture a. a science
and - . practical art BY the instruction
therein. and the sciences connected
Herewith. OF the youth Of the country"
A part Of the income is to be used TO
maintain the work In agricultural
chemistry already carried on at the
university; 5utths larger portion OF the
income will be spent in promoting in
struction and research in biology. A
biological laboratory IL being fitted up,
and the equipment has besn ordered
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
LAST OF HIS RACE.

How q Swedish Prince Put Down . Purse.
Proud old Nobleaaa.
A good story is told OF purse
proud old nObleman who was travel.
ing through the rural districts Of Swe
den. Over in that country the people
do not have quite rs much respect for
the titled aristOcracy rs in some other
localities on the continent. One day
this nobleman came rolling up to .
country tavern. and as he stopped his
carriage he called out in an imperi0us
tone:
Horses. landlord; horses here at
once"
Il am very much panied to inform
you that you will have 70 wait over m
hour before fresh horses can be brought
in," replied the landlord.
How" violently exclaimed the no
bleman, ''this to me. My man. ! de-
mand horses at once"
Then observing the fire sh and sleek
looking horses which were being led
up to another carriage, he said:
For whom are those hOrses?"
"They were ordered for this gentle
man." answered the landlord. point
ing to a tall. slim individual a few
PAGES distant
II say. my man." called out the no
bleman to the slim gent. Twill you let
me have those horses il pay you a
liberal bonus therefor?"
Not much," answered the slim
gent, II intend to use them myself"
This to me!' exclaimed the noble.
man.
That's what l said." replied the
slim m,n.
Perhaps you are not aware who !
amp" roared the now thOro ughly agi-
tated and irate nobleman. II am. sir.
Field Marshal Baron George Spare
the last and only one Of my race"
Il am very glad to hear that" said
the slim man, stepping into his car
riage. 1T would be a terrible thing to
think that there might be more Of you
coming. am inclined to think thai
YOUR race will be foot race"
The slim man was brother Of the
King of Sweden. Sitlin0s.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
THE FATAL BARRIER
NV Mlss 0aspsekls Oavs tAs A1ttea -
Lsve-s,ek BaraslpA Knjerasa.
'.1liss Garpickle. you are triding with

NV lalss 0aspaekls Oave tAs A1tteo -
Lsvs-ssek BaraslpA Kiueraa..
':lliss Garpickle. you are triaing with
mel"
Bardolph Kiljordan stood before her.
- erect imperious and gloomy ~ tho
star actor of q broken and dismembered
dramatic combination standing on one
side Of the track half way between
stations and watching . handcar pro-
PEELED by section men sweeping rapidly
past and disappearing in the hazy dis
tance.
Mr.. Kiljordan burned with the in
dignatiOn OF an abused. insulted man.
For months and months" he said.
'.you have encouraged me. You have
smiled upon me. You have accepted
my attentions You have listened to
me with apparent approval when have
ventured TO hint at feeling stronger
than friendship"
'.Mr. Kiljordan." interposcd the
young lady, Il will not deny that your
attentions have been agreeable to me"
Then why, Winnie. he exclaimed.
imploringly. ''why do you tell me it
can never be? Why do you look at me
coldly and say we were not meant for
each otherr
Il would have saved you this pain il
! could. Mr.. KiljOrtlan. have waited
and waited. hoping that the barrier be-
tween us might disappear-that yor
would-would see what it is that inter
poses so fatally"
'.Vinnie." he exclaimed. tremulously
and excitedly. perhaps it is not too
hate. even yet! Perhaps / may be able
To-"
1T 10 impossible, Mr.. kiljOrlan. ="
replied the young lady. firmly yet
kindly. II shall always entertain the
highest esteem for you rs man. a citi-
zen, . friend and an excellent Judge
here her voice faltered-''Of pOst-thea-
trical refreshments. but any closer re-
lationship. l am now convinced, car
never be thought Of"
winnie Garpickler' he exclaimed.
with bitterness. 80 be it! ! shall moi
60 down on my knees. 1t would do nc
good. The carpet, besides-"and the
young man looked at it dejectedly-''il
you will excuse me for saying SO. Miss
Garpickles, isis not in that condition
of-ah-of tidiness that-er-"
perhaps. Mr.. Kiljordan." suggested
the young lady. freezingly. you will
put an end to this painful scene by"
'Going? Certainly. Miss Garpickle,
certainly. But think l have the right
to ask you. since this will probably be
the last time ! shall ever have the Op
pOrtunity, what the nature OF the bar
rier is that separates us Have l nOt?'
"You have. sir"
Then Why have you refused to bs
my wife?"
because. Mr.. Kiljortlan." she re
piled, with ineffable sadness, Il car
never link my destiny with that OF ,
young man who wears reversible cuffs.
| -ChicaQO Tribune,
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16

Little Ethel-Oh. papa! / saw one
Of the cars on fire down at the depot
just now.
Papa-A car on fire. EN-? Did you
find out what caused it,
Little Ethel-The funniest cause
ever heard OF; the statiOn-master said
1t was made by q hot newspaper.
Papa-A hot newspaper? You mean
. hot journal. don't you?
Little Ethel-Well. didn't you say
the other day that a journal was a news
paper?-General Manager.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
HINTS ON ADVERTISING.

The Importance Of Having Announce
ments Written Up In Good style.
The preparation OF the copy for an
advertisement is q matter OF import
ance. and subject for study. Tho time
now is when the bare, tame and stereo.
typed advertisement is considered by
the wide-awake advertiser as OF little
real value. Chestnuts are rs little ap-
prcciated by the reader rs by the ad-
vertiser. The advertisement Of to-day
must be unique. 1t must not only at.
tract attention, but it must also inter.
est, SO as to hold the attention until it
is carefully read. In aword it must be
newsy, or very novel. The average
country merchant can not write such an
advertisement None are better aware
OF this fact than himself, and he hates
to attempt the task.
The newspaper man who has tact sees
this point and very often secures q gen.
erous order and perhaps longtime
customer by preparing in advance q
well-written advertisement and one
adapted to the whims or hobby OF the
merchant The order secured and the
advertisement running regularly. it Is
we'll. according to my experience. not
to forget the new patron. but on the
contrary. cultivate his acquaintance;
hold up the points Of display or posi-
ton, and see 70 it that the advertise
ment is kept fresh and seasOnable. This
plan followed up, ten to one the pub
Usher has secured permanent Gus
toner.
AS an example OF the importance OF
q properly written advertisement. 1t
has come to my knowledge that BOs-
tor man has lately surrendered a iucra-
tive position In order to make q busi-
ness OF writing advertisements. His
terms are moderate-Only so an hour
and his time is so fully engaged that he
can not fill his orders. Many large
firms understand this matter so well
that they are satisfied to pay salaries OF
from 8, 600 to $1,000 . year % experts
who do this work exclusively. The
gentleman referred to goes so far as to
say that the value OF the medium n
which an ad advertisement is 10 appear Is
of secondary importance; it is the man.
ner in which an advertisement is writ.
ten and worded which governs its value
or worthlessness. s.-NatiOnal Editorial
Journalist
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
RIGHTS OF STUDENTS.

An Interesting Case Decided BY the Mis-
souri, Court Of Appeals.
A matter OF interest all over the
United States has been decided by the
court of appeals in Missouri. A lady
student of the State Normal School at
tended a party without the consent OF
the faculty and was expelled from the
institution because of her insub0rdina-
tion. The father OF the young lady
took the matter into the courts. and As
a result the faculty has been ordered TO
restore the name Of the young lady to
the rolls.
The point at issue in the Missouri
case seems to be as to whether or not
the management of State institution
OF learning has the power to regulate
the details of the private life Of students
outside Of hours OF school labor. The
court decides that in this matter the
parents are the only arbiters and that
they alone have the right to say how
their sons and daughters shall conduct
themselves-of cOurse-within the linn
its of propriety and right. The deci-
sion is just one.
College faculties sometimes Over-es-
timate the degree of their responsibility.
They seek to regulate the existence ol
students at all hours. and are guilty OF q
grand error in so doing. College stu
dents are ordinarily OF an age when an
attempted complete suppression OF all
animal spirits and all instincts results
in some impulsive outbreak which may
be dangerous. 1t has been demon
strated that in those institutions ol
learning where advice is substituted
for strictly enforced rules the demeanor
OF the students is such as to compare
favorably with that Of the students in
more vigorously conducted colleges.
Faculties, however, have their owr
ideas, and they are not always OF the
practical. c0mmOn-sense world.
In the University Of Michigan. In
Cornell. in Heidelberg. and in othe'
great universities which might be men
toned, the students are scarcely under
control save during recitation hours
and the result is not immortality mol
even recklessness. Self-respect takes
tho placeo of insubordination. The Mis-
souri, court has shown good sense
Chicago Mail.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
Saws the Los Angeles Tribul

Says the Los Angeles Tribune:
Most women. old or young. beautiful
or homely. fashionable or dowdy. whom
one sees daily upon the streets. keeps
I'M an incessant mastication Of gum.
and even some young women that one
does not commonly see upon the streets.
do. it is feared, secretly indulge them
selves in the seductive and pern!oions
vice" 90
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16
His First Experience.

What is the matter, my SOM" in
Quired the benevolent gentleman.
And the pale. trembling boy. who
was lying across barrel on his stom-
ach In an alley back Of = cigar store
and making exclamations in a sort Of
broken English ut convulsive intervals.
said he guessed he was one OF the vic
tins Of the smoke nuisance. Chicago
Tribune.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-03-16

There are 5,OS3 Indians in the State
Of New York.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-01-06
= HOME NEWS

PROMINENT ARRIVALS AT THE HOTELS
aRUNSwrCK-General Green B. Raum. OF Illinois
ana erConsr~ss,nsn James w wadsworth. OF 0enesee
Il. T. FIFTH AvENUE-Congressmsn John W. eecwsl'
o. Vermont and Judge John NJ Thurston. OF NeoIssAs
er nrNIS-The Rev. DR.. Lander. Of OTTAWA Cansos'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-01-06

ANOTHER PRISONER SUPPOSED TO BE TAsCOTT
Leo, Ind, Jan. ga man is in custody here who
10 supposed to be Tascott, the alleged murderer OF A.
J. Smell, OF Chicago. The prisoner arrested on
suspicion of being implicated in the robbng Of the
Leo post ONCE few days ago. and whom examined II
was found that he tailed closely with the description
of tho alleged murderer Of Smell Chicago officials
Aavc been Informed Of the arrest.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-01-06
OUTGOING STEAMERS.
SHIPPING NEWS.

Port OF NEw.YoRK. SATURDAY. JAN. 8, 1889
ARRIVED.
Steamer Richmond Hill OBJ, Perry London 81 with
6Se and II passengers Henderson Bros Arrived at the
Bar at o M
Steamer Egyptian Monarch Orr Brisiox London Dec 90
with mdse and passengers 10 Sanderson d Son.
steamer Adraiic (Dr) Cameron Liverpool Dec 49, Queens
A. with mdse and 6l passengers 10 Bruce Ismay AT
S1ved ss the Bar 81 lO.40am.
Steamer Elmneh r) Cling, Hamburg Dec 8. Portland a.
with order vessel 70 Peter Wright Sons Arrived
the Bar 1t l24o
steamer Fuda t0er) Rnsk, Bremen Dec rs Southampton
~ with mdse $40 passengers Oochs Arrived
- The BIZ At 72o
oSssnsr Thsmss 6x Dale Psvas Dec l. Cstaoo O. Rist T.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-01-06
Alaska SeaIskin
Sacques, Jackets, Wraps,
NeWmaksts and RAGLAN.

Needing every foot Of room occupied BY our Fur
Department for the proper display Of Spring mpor
tations Of Ladies' outside garments and Costumes -,
have marked entire stock Of sealskn Garments n,
great reduction. from carly prices III.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-01-06
Announcements

CORNELLs BENZOIS COSMETIC SOAP.
Exquisite for the toilet perfect for the bath suro
for chappcd hands Sold Ny all drggis;s. IS cents.