New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-01-02
Current Wit.

= . = 0h2 ~ ~ y - oAA.
Does not go to waist the material
now used in making party dresses
Somebody says that ssthe man
who borrows money borroWs
trouble. It was not supposed that
trouble was SO hard to borrow
Been on a strike, eh?'' es. .
11What did you make by it??.'
Struck for eight hours, and now ]
don thaYe to work at all!
A woman can drive pair Of dash
ing ponies, a bargain, an argument.
or a hen; but when it comes to lit
tie fat-headed tack Oh my!
Civilization is making gratifying
progress in the Congo country. A
few years ago the inhabitants ate
white persons raw; now they roast
them.
There is nothing so aggravating
as a. jealous husband, said mar
ried woman; abut there's nothing
so humiliating as a husband who is
not SO.
Inspector Of schools Can anyone
tell me who Solomon Was?' Small
Boy Solomon was very wise and
good man, who kept three hundred
porcupines.'
PA, on which footis the presidents
+. - 4 4 j + /. =
veto that the papers talk so much
about?'' "On his right foot when he
kicks out fraudulent and improper
bills, my son."
A Vassar girl sat on her best fell.
lows hat as they basked in the.
N oonlight with classical chat; but
she put in her thumb and pulled out
her gum and made it all up with
thrilling; yum, yum.
Mr.. Frederick Wolseley, a brother
Of Lord Wolseley, has invented a
machine by the use of which an ac-
tive man can shear twelve dozen
sheep in a day. The news has caused
tremendous excitementin Wall street.
st. ter-Enter. Why do you
hesitate? New. Spirit don't see.
any usher. eve have no ushers here.
Sit where you please" s'Dear me!
How different Heaven is from a
church. Philadelphia Record.
Many a husband is lost in wonder
as he reflects that the glowing hand
which spaDks his children and serves
up his cabbage is the very same to
which he used to write sonnets, and
W hlch he never kissed without sense
OF reverence amounting to rapture.
Il believe in protection for Ameri-
can industry" said the tramp.
Therefore, being foreign descent, I
have concluded not to compete with
the protected laborers Of this land.
Give me a dime, mister, and / will
agree to refrain from work another
week. chicago News.
Send me ten dozen assorted pima
tores, wrote the country merchant
to the Chicago purchasing agent.
When he received ten dozen assorted
pianofortes by freight a few days
later he concluded that somebody
had made a mistake. Chicago News.
Stranger Tin Toronto hoteD-
1Want the restroom you have in the
house and M q n + =, ~, coils e,orx,oJ =,
it. Send up wine list, ALSO" eyes, sir;
where are you from?' From North
vile, Maine Well, well; know the
president of the bank there very well;
has he anything left?'
A young man worth $1,OO0,OOO5
advertised for wife Gust for fun
He received several hundred replies
the writer's signing their front names
Sadie, Hattie, Maggie, Matte, Minnie,
Mollie, Mamie, Jennie, and other
specimens of nomenclature ending
with 'sie.'' There was one exception,
however. One Of his correspondents
simply signed SARAH, /" and he con
Guided that she must be so much more
sensible than the others that he ans
Wered her letter, and and SO they
were married. The moral is obvi-
Gus. orriston Herald.
11such an awkward thing hap
pened," said Mrs. Brown, is describ-
ing a wedding. when Fred was
dressing for the ceremony he couldn't
find the lovely new white satin tie he
had purchased for the occasion.
After he had turned his room upside
down in looking for it he finally had
to wear a common linen one" 81
should think a man would feel silly
to be married in a linen tie," some
one remarked. aOh," said Mrs.
Brown" it wasn't Fred who was
married. TWAS his sisters wedding
-he was only the bridegroom.
Mrs Brown was NOT, Tho fret