The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1889-06-06

Bradley ullo. Biggars! Hard at
work. | see. Say, Biggars, heard
about you and Biggars0S-sh. My
wifes in the back Office erre Hauts
Express.
''Do you know" said new arrival
in the State of Kansas, II wish Noah
were alive "Why?" Because ]
think he might have enjoyed himself
in this State" For what reason?"
He got so well acquainted with wa
ter during the flood. ''-MerchGnt T'raU.
eler.
Lady customer-Give me a dozen
lemons, please. Grocer am sorry,
ma M, but we are all out of lemons
to-day. Lady customer-Then give
me dozen of the, same kind of or
anges got here yesterday. They
will answer the purp ose.-Burttngton
Free Press.
Benevolent individual-"Ycs, sir;
hold that when a man makes a little
extra money his first duty is to make
his wife present of a handsome
dress" Ordinary individual You
are a social philosopher. l presumed"
''No, l am a dry-geod dealer. "-NesC
York Weekly.
whats the matter. Bromley?"
''I've recovered my valise. -" ~ don't
see why you should swear in that way
about it. 20. you don't Ell? The
darned thing isn't worth s. and it had
to turn up just as the company was
about to allow me $50 for it. It's just
my luck. "-Ep0ch.
Mrs. De BiIlete-I really must travel
this summer for my health. 1t is such
a worry. though TO make up ones
mind what route to take. Aunt Han.
in bad at this time o. year, the best
root you can get is yaller dock, to my
notion.-Ierre HGute Express.
Stern parent-Youug man, l am
astounded at your impudence. You
ask to marry my daughter. knowing
her to be wealthy in her own right,
sessed youth-That's all right. What's
the need of my having money when
she has plentyP-BOstOss Courier.
A Polish writer of stories recent
ly received an envelope containing
$4,000 from an admiring read
er." If some of our heshly school OF
female writer's want to receive such
substantial tokens Ofappreciation from
admiring readers, they must put more
Polish in their novels NorTist0scI1
Herald
Polite doctor Cautiously = Your
husband is suffering from overwork
or excessive indulgence in alcoholic
stimulants-it is. ahem, q little diff
ficult to tell which. Anxious wife
o, it's overwork. Why, he can't even
go to the theatre without rushing out
half dozen times to see his business
| partners.-NeaO York Weekly.
Foreigner-This may be free coun-
| try. but I don't see that the freedom
has any effect on the people. Such
q patient, meek, subdued lot of hui
| manity never saw in my life. Ishould
| think . free-born American would aci
| as If he were monarch of all he sur.
veyed. Native-Wait until you see q
passenger-car brakeman who expects
soon to be conductor.-NetO YorA
Weekly.
A well-known physician and arch
tsct were busy on Washington =
Thursday morning measuring lOt Of
land when an old resident of the street
happened to come along. "Who is
that doing the measuring thereF''
asked the citizen. THE architect,
replied the doctor. Ills that soa" re-
Piled the resident dryly; ST thought
the undertaken did ali Of your meas
gri-NorsOick Bulletin.
He entered saloon on Monroe ave-
nue. with bis hat on his ear and coal
on his arm, and, hinging the garment
ON . table, ne shouted: ''Is the mar
here who said he could pulVerize me
in two nninutes?' He IS" replied an
individual who was wiping of hii
| chin. '.And are you the man~ 81
am" s.And you said it?" 81 did.
s.Aud Won won't take it back?" mo
sir.'' .4WeIi, let's have some more
beer. The boys said you were an ole
man, with one arm. and l didn't pro
pose to take sass from any such per
son. Drink hearty, my friend. de
! sroH Free Press.