Wichita eagle., 1889-01-16


Seating himself in Sedan He Hoisted
His Heels on the Dashboard of our Desk and
surveyed us with the air of an interrogation
mark We surveyed him in turn.
''Rum, Rock, and Rye and Rebellion"
seemed to have Saturated every Seam in the
Features of his Fisognomy, and after few
Seconds Suspense, we inquired if he were
newspaper man.
swell, something like" he replied. "Tm
Journeyman Journalist"
Indeed; and what might be his special linel
Photographic Tops" he Said Sententiously.
''To be more explicit, / am an analyst and
synthesist-an examiner Of the component
Topics of the kilograms as They Tumble on
To my Table from the Thumbs of the Too
often Tardy Tads, and the combination Of
the separate elements of news into a whole,
duly grouped, classified, headed and sub
headed Then my special forte Commences
the Captions must be Created-and they
did say roundabouts where last off1ciated on
The Bungtown Bugle Blast that in the Lay
ing out of the Lucrative Literatoor was a
Loo-Loo"
He was then alliterative headline writer.
We knew it from the first.
Crime" in all its Cruelty, seemed Cooked
Carelessly on one Auricular Appendage,
while Calamity" Cachinated on the other.
Athwart his Cory Gloster Cob, in Grewsome
Glee, ''Vice and Vicissitude" Played Peek-a-
boo. "Bad Luck and Badness Percolated
from every Pore of his Pusillanimous Per-
sonality, and Foreign Fragments
Bologna and Bad Butter-Hung in Hungry
Hunks from his Hibernal Harness. ''Sin
and Sadness" Seemed to have been
twin Sisters to him, in Joint Jux-
Imposition. ''The Tragic Track" had
been doubtless well acquainted with his
Battered Boots, and Furious Flames seemed
ready to Burst from his Bottle Blazoned
Bugle 'Tottering Thrones" had no Terrofs
for his Temerity, and BALD Knobber Billet
Doux" raised not Hair on His Hirsute
Head. With 1.-THE Monster Monopoly he
had no doubt much less to do than ''Globe
Grabbing Could" and Plethoric Portemon-
naies had Possessed much of a Paucity to
him as a Peripatetic Preacher.
With due regard to his feelings, we in
formed him that that style Of headline had
become blase-in fact, that the capillary
covering thereon had become SO dense that
even zeroic zephyr found it impervious to
assault. Besides, we were already happily
provided with an excellent analyst and syn
thesist." Probably something in the line of
reporting might suit hint
Yes, he had had experience thereat, and his
ease in the singing of sententious sentences
might irnpart an epigrammatic air to his
items For instance, in writing up fire, he
would go at it thus:
I'VE are this morning compelled to chron-
icle a costly confagration that came close to
consuming corn crib in conjunction with a
cow inclosure"-
ioJ. hot will
do You must drop that all pervading allit-
Grafton You would ruin every font of type
in the Office. That's well enough for Blather-
skite Bob at tho Burial of a Beloved Brother,
but will not do for a Local Lingo Try
again"
''Well, if the lower case is scarce will
switch the letter occasionally" and he con-
tinued:
''Fiercely the flames thrust forth their tor
rid tongues, threatening to take, with tooth
some taste'-
"No, mol" we again interrupted; that sort
Of thought throwing might do were city
burning up, but for such an unimportant in
cident as you are describing ordinary Kaw
river dialect viii do. Go on again, but /
give you fair warning am losing my temper,
and though am not splenetic or rash, l may
do something desperate"
well, here goes" he rejoined. "Hope III
suit you this time" And he proceeded
"a too tedious telephone transmitted the
fact of the fire to the fire fellows
Human nature could stand no more. His
hour had come.
Selling Snickersnee Suspended on the Side
of the Sedan, we made one Desperate Drive
ct the alliterative idea evoluter, Round and
Round our Rookery the Ragged Rascal Ran,
but we kept pace with his caperings. We
Diluted the Dictionary with the Dastard's
Death Dye, and we Drained the Believing
Braggart and Bathed in his Blood
We conquered, but BozarTis fell,
Bleeding at every vein.
-Eaosas Citv Tiu,ac