Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1889-10-10
Talk oFrHE DAY.

Inc man VINO 0el1ov6S IN nothing ie
as big fool as he who believes in
everything
II is the skirt OF a ladys ball dress
that costs; the corsage doesn't come
high.
When you hear young man say
that u girl has no heart you may be
pretty sure that she has his.
$50 you had young Beaumash all the
evening. Did you notice his lovely
eyes?" "No, dear. was too busy
listening TO his clothes"
Tramp-"I have scarcely rag to
my back. mum; can't you help mo out?"
Lady Certainly, sir; here's the rag
bag, help yourself"
Lady thought told you wanted
curried potatoes for dinner" Bridget
The hostler was busy, mum, and
I'm no groom"
"Say, ma, mouse has fallen into
the milk" His mother-"Did you
take it out?" Boy--.'No, l have
thrown the cat it."
New York boy Mamma, isn't that
a funny little beltp" NJ ,mma-"H flush.
child! TIL is the waist to your sisters
new ball dress"
1t costs less to go to see a doctor
than it does to have him come to see
you. but the apothecary man gets there,
just the same.
Editor Ito tipsy reporter)-"What
are you writing about?" Reporter
Whisky" Editor well, l see
you're full OF your subject"
Briggs "Hello, Braggs! I've just
Braggs I'm very sorry, my boy. but
l haven't got a cent"
Too Personal-Old Blodgett-" No,
boys, there is not ne n so much drunk
enness in the club as there was when |
was in it." The boys-'That's SOL"
This is the most unkindest cut OF
all" said Jenkins, as he observed the
very small piece OF meat that the land
lady placed on his plate at breakfast.
Art and Nature-"So you have been
way to Greece, have you?" "Yes;
saw everything worth seeing. 'Mong
other things saw Apollo with the bev-
eled ear"
Medical authorities insist that slim
ulants weaken the voice, and doubtless
they do. II must be admitted, how
ever, that they strengthen the breath.
Little Dick -"Do you go to circuses?
Circuses is wicked" Little. jack
Eyes; the big shows is wicked, but the
ten cent shows amt. Pop always
takes us to them"
Critical parlance. What like
about Barkins' work is that it is so
full" "Yes, BarlSins put a great deal
of himself in his books. He's that
way himself half the time"
Ethel entering the parlor-"Oh,
Aggie, SO glad to see you. (They
kiss.) Why, you are engaged to be
married. .Aggie-"How do you
know" II can tell by the way you
kiss
"Is there wheelright in the dele
gation?" asked one OF the committee.
"Why?" asked another. Because he
would be the proper man to act as
spokesman"
Transferred Discipline: Mr.. Walker
Flohr (on his return from service with
his regiment at Peekskill-''Number
three, down therem Mr.. Dollarfive-
"Yessir.n Mr.. Walker Flohr-
"Police that ribbon counterr'
Tommy-"Say, Mr.. Dryleigh, you
can try it on me if you like" Rev.
Mr.. D.-'I don't understand you my
child. Try what?" why ma says you
can put anybody to sleep in five
minutes" Crableau.)
Nephew Crying to make good i'm.
pression)-"Uncle, this port is excel
lent" Uncle well, 1 should think
so; it is fifty years old" Nephew
"By Jove, you don't say So What
superb wine it must have been once!"
Judge Ito police officer) Are you
sure. sir, that the prisoner was drunkph
Officcr-"Is it drunk, yer homer?
Shure af he nd sphoke through the
tiliphoue the BIRTH Nv i'm I'D av made
the poles shtagger."
Labor saving -"Well.
Johnny, shall forgive you this time;
and it's very pretty OF you to write a
ma; don't tear 1t up, please" "Why,
johnny" Because it will do for
next time"
Mrs. Winks Cat dinner in great no.
tell WHO are those men at that
table in the corner?" Mr.. Winks-
Don't know" What are they talk.
ing about?9" Base ball, horse races,
prize fights and so on" "Oh, they
are probably city officials"
City man (on a summer jaunt) "Are
you going to have an agricultural ex.
hnp 40
ly)-"No-o, I'm 'fraid not. Most OF
the old ladies what makes quilts is died
off, and there int II decent race boss
in the county,
Haven't you got some ice that isn't
quite so cOld?" asked the lady of the
house when the usual lump was left in
the morning. DIR. Hammond saws
that ice water is more injurious to
heath than Goals OF fire. Hereafter
! lie we Us the warmest ice you raise"
Assistant editor Here's an account
OF a minister assaulted by disappoint-
ed lover, while in the act OF perform
ing the marriage ceremony. Chief
"Put it in the railway news" Assist
ant (astonished) "Why?"
Chief-"He was hurt while making
a coupling"
Inez Ceiling OF her yachting trip
"And from there all the way home we
just Rugged the shore" Young Sap
head-''Aw, do you know, l would
have been VERY glad to have
been the shore" Inez Thanks, but
the shore had lots of rocks; quite an
attraction nowadays as you are
aware"
Omaha papa-''So you are going to
marry, are you, my son? | presume
| the young lady you are about to wed
knows all about homework and look
ing after the wants af a family?"
Omaha youth ell you just bet she
does. l wish you could see cotton
batting dog she made last week, and
some butterflies she painted on velvet"
A young lady at Athens, Ga, has in.
vented IA lamp that will cease to burn
exactly at 10 o'clock. The average
Georgia lover has no fault to find with
the lamp; in fact he would be better
satisfied If it would go out as soon as
he came in. II the young lady wants
to make real ten-strike she should
invent father who will go to bed a,
0 o'clock.