The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-01-03
WIT AND HUMOR.


some other country. = NeU Orleans
Picayune.
1t is a powerful hard thing for
woman to wear six-button kids when
her husband wears Il seven-button
pocketbook.-Bprdettc.
'.Sir." said the Surgeon General.
''there's cholera in the port."s ''Well,
SIR" reared the Viceroy, ''serve sherry,
then. ."-Rrper's Bazaar.
The latest theory from a scientist is
that 4 man has two brains. This. how
ever, cannot possibly refer to the
cigarette dudes. Baltimore american.
yoNr wife is. Brown-Ought To see
her without her diamonds. They
spoil her conversation. Detroit Free
Press
He (who has just left the piano)--
How do you like my voice. Miss Racee
Miss Race (CineinnatD-Yonr voice?
o! it's certainly a bowling success, MIR.
Keys Isras 'SiffiHgs.
Mrs. Westend (at party)-"How
brilliant Mrs. Tiptop is tonight" Mr..
Tiptop (dryly) y)-s'Y she's an awful
ly Jolly woman when away from home. !"
Philadelphia Record.
Whatever may be the scarcity of
fractional currency. we have never
heard vet that the circulation of the
contribution-b was interfered with
through lack of pennies,
The phonograph shows that mans
voice has not the same sound to HIM
self that it has to others, thus finally
explaining why some people persist in
singing. -1efrs Hate Express.
Wealthy but economical father =
s.Do you know, my son, what strict
economy would do for you?' Robert
Il know what it has done for me,
father. and RESPECT you forit. Life,
An eminent theologian, who ought
to know if anybody does, says the
angels never laugh. Then the angels
never saw woman trying to saw a
stick of cordw wood, that's all -BatTdette.
In Europe it is customary to leave
visiting cards on the graves OF poets.
This seems strange, when it is known
that the occupants of the graves are
always at home.-Neao Orleans Pica-
yuhe.
She-I don't think can give you an
answer all at once, Arthur. lle--O.
never mind, Lii; don't hurry. | can
wait year-two-three, eyen-(mat-
tiers hastily arranged in less than no
time) Fin.
Eudekin (who had just put on a new
suit of clothes i'm the shop)-Wait a
minute, I'll go over to the bank and
get checkScashed. Tailor (going out
with him)-Well, I'll follow suit
Washington Post.
Citizen (o elderly physician) -:You
don't bleed patients as often as you
did fifteen or twenty years agoP'
Physician 0ooking over package OF
unpaid bills)-.sNo, we don't bleed
'em at all; they bleed us."-Lite.
When asked why women never have
showing on their throats what is called
the Adams apple, sour-apple old
bachelor said: 20. the first woman
swallowed her apple: Adams stuck
in his throat?' ?''-Nep Orleans Picayune.
Said Brown-"Thc day I was mar
ried quit chewing tobacco, and | tell
you it was pretty hard ON me that day.
but in twenty-four hours | was all
right" '.Ah, how's thatP" s'Weil, the
next day commenced chewing again. Is
--Ieeas Sifii,sgs.
Bride of a month-We must not for
get the Goodharts, Alfred. If it had
not been for their house party this
time last year we should never have
met and married. Bridegroom of ditto
Nonsense, my dear! they didn't mean
any harm. m.-Ftn.
First dame-s'What shall we do to-
day? Let's go TO the matinee"
Second dame-"Can't; we haven't any
money. 1t takes money to go to the
theatre $50 it does. l did not think
of that. Well, let's go shopping. y
Philadelphia Record.
':John, dear.n said Il loving wife, ..if
j We're to die what would YOU do?"
but you're in no danger OF dyingr'
81 know I'm not: I'm only supposing
the case. If should die what would
you doe" My dear, YOU might better
ask me what wouldn't l do?"-Epoch
Husband .(who has. married for
money my dear. wish you would
give me little money this moruiug.
really haven't change enough in my
pocket to get downtown and back. !"
Wife-"Why, certainly, my love; but
do you. think 10 cents will be enough?"
Epoch.
Blifers-.'Yes, don't care if i do.
Fact is, I.quarreled with my wife this
evening, and am drinking to drown
my sorrows. You have had similar
experience, sqppose?" Blinks' =
-'Yes, but tonight we made up again,
and 1 am out celebrating it."-Psila-
deLphia Record.
Tom-The papers are full of discus
%ions just now on the question: 'Is
marriage failure?n What do you
think of it? Jeny-Well, l can't
speak for others, but as far as I'm con-
cerned it's failure. Tom-Rats!
You amt married. Jerry-That's just
1t. I've been trying to be for ten
years past and fail7eyery time Wash
6ngtoaa Critic.
Elderly lady Ito boy in hardware
store)-"Hev We got any o. them hand
bellows fer buiIdin' fires?" Boy =
.'Yes'm; there's something nice-25
cents each" Elderly lady-''Is that
1he cheapest We can sell 'em?" Boy
Eyes m; but I'll tell you what Til do;
as you don't look to be a verv siren
thy old Teddy. Pll fill it with wind fer
ou.n-LJe.
Mrs. Ethereal Brown Qanguidly)-
/ begin the rest-cure treatment next
week, you know, my dear. Mr.. Ethe-
real Brownies, + remember Won
were saying something about it. Mrs.
Ethereal Brown-And none too soon,
as Dr.. Aristarchus says. Why, the
mere exertion today OF being lifted for
the ten tea-growns | shall need has
completely exhausted me.-Epoch.
He-How did you like the play, Car
rie? Shelf was just lovely | don't
know when have passed so delight
full an evening. Ibid you ever see
such fine scenery?" "Yes-no-the
fact is | didn't notice. Icouldn't keep
my eyes off that lovely bonnet that
lady in the second row wore. You
saw it, of course ''N0; was inter-
ested in the play '.Do YOU know.
don't think men are observant."-
Boston transcript.
New tenant Gin a towering rage)-
-'See here, sir, before renting that
house for year asked you if any of
the neighbors were musicians and you