Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-09-25
BROTHER BURDETTE,
From the Brooklyn Eagle.

"WHAT position does the Independ-
ent party occupy in this great contest of
American politics ?" inquired the par
son. And the deacon who votes as
straight as string, replied, "Mugwump-
ire, of course" (P. S.-That's just what
the Mugs say themselves.)
A TEACHER of cooking school out in
Pittsburg made an unsuccessful attempt
to commit suicide last Thursday. All,
dear, the stings and lashing of an awak-
ened conscience. goading mind bur-
dened with the guilt of human suffering,
must be something terrible.
FIRST MARRIED Mankind of lone
some around the house since your three
girls married and went away. isn't it,
George ?" Second Married Man
"N-no. girls are gone, of course; but I
can't say its lonesome, particularly.
company, and ] don't believe I'll get
through paying bills this year."
AN honest Indian, who had been
among the white men long enough to
learn how to shave his fellow-men,
within the pale of the law, opened a
barber shop out in Cheyenne Some
body, probably not a clergyman, hung
sign up over his door the first night,
which read, "Superhuous hair removed
while you wait" And all next day the
patient barber wondered why nobody
came near his shop except bald head
ed policeman who loitered behind tree
box over the way.
THERE is great deal of complaint"
said the eminent congressman, "about
the inaccuracy of the predictions in this
bureau of yours. People say they can
place no reliance whatever in the pre-
dlctions Of the signal service" $50 [
have heard" replied the sergeant, set
ting the storm signal, land they say the
same thing about the prophecies in this
house. | heard the lieutenant say yes
terday that he won $3.50 off Of you on
the last presidential election. Some
times we hit it better than" But
the eminent congressman said it looked
a little squally and be would have to run
back for his umbrella.
A GEORGIA paper SAYS: "No Southern
army ever swept through the North like
a herd OF Huns and Vandals, leaving in
their trail swath of blood and flame,
as Sherman's barbarians trailed through
the South" That's true, brother; they
didn't. Nobody "deniges of it." We
can testify that you all behaved like
gentlemen when you swept through the
North. You stayed right on the "cov-
cred cars" till you got to Camp Doug
lass, and then you all went into camp
and stayed there. When history is
written nobody can say that the soldiers
of the South didn't treat we 'uns with
the most courteous and Christian for
bearance, as rule, when they came
North. Maybe Sherman is to blame for
that, too.
A NAUGHTY leader of city choir, on
his way to church, met an Irreverent
Ass, who was practicing the fish scales
as he made his way toward the thistly
lanes of the country side. "Peace ]"
exclaimed the musician "save your
strength for your weekly burdens, and
do not attempt to invade the sacred
province of music" "Hence with your
puny pitch pipe," said the Ass, ''lest I
climb into the gallery and kick your
whole choir over the rail-" Heaven
assoilzie thee, an ever thou tryest it,"
returned the leader; "thou talk about
kicking. Come in some Sunday and see
our soprano when | give the alto solo,
of crutches. for very shame" So say
ing. he smote the Ass in both ears with
high G., and left him for dead. Moral:
This fable teaches us that there is no
slug but hath his slugger
A WISE MAN SAYs-"A young man
used hardly and roughly will be though
er man in the end. He will go into the
fire iron and come out STEEL" That de-
ponds q great deal on whether he does
or not. And, that again. depends large
ly on what the young man is when he
goes in. If he is simply Eastwood. and
the very best quality of Eastwood at
that, when he goes in he goes in for
good. He doesn't come out anything.
[ don't know where he goes, but he
doesn't come out again. It won't do to
put all young men into the fire. Unless
the tempering process be considered
good way to get rid of them. And then
when you put the young man of iron
into the fire you don't want to keep him
there too long, or you'll spoil him. Iron
will burn as well as Eastwood, if you
keep it in the fire long enough. "How
long shall you keep him in then?' Oh.
bless you; how do I know. Ask the
Wise Man. he began it.