Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-01-26
Written for The EVENING STAR.
ETIQUETTE AND MANNERS.
What to Do and What Not to Do in
Polite Society.

What to Do and What Not to Do in
Polite Society.
MRS. sHERwooD's CORRESPONDENCE COLUMN
HOW TO ACT IN THE PRESENCE OF COMPANY
INFORMATION ABOUT SENDING AND RETURNING
CARDs-PoLITENEss AND GOOD MANNERS.
The following are the questions and answers
that have been selected for publication this
week as being of the most general interest:
x. II. writes: A gentleman takes a lady to
the theater. During the intermission young
friend comes up and engages the gentleman in
conversation. The gentleman who accom-
panies the lady almos. turns his back on the
lady, nor does he introduce his friend. saying
1t is not etiquette to introduce in public places.
1t seemed to argue a lack of respect to the
LADY,"
Indeed it was, but if young lady goes alone
| to the theater with q young man without a
chaperone she lays herself open to just such
treatment. She should not do it again.
G. W. asks the proper way to present letter
Call with the letter. leave your card and adj
dress and wait to be sent for.
May" asks: Whose place is it to procure
the cards Tor fashionable wedding?'
Always the family of the bride. In England
the groom il not allowed to pay for anything
| except the clergyman fee and for the carriage
with which he drives the bride away
"Reader" asks: who should select the min
lister to perform the ceremony-bride or
groomY"
Always the bride. She is all powerful on the
occasion of her wedding.
Lex Loci" writes: Il returned a young
iady's bow, not recollecting who she was. NV
manner betrayed my forgetfulness, as a third
| party afterward informed me. l sent a note to
no 1ndy
Should she not have answered the note, accept
| ing or declining my Apology"
In the first place. the young lady was I'M
necessarily observant. She should not have
noticed the absence of recognition if you bowed.
Secondly, she should have answered your note
and have said that so drifting matter did not
require an apology"
VULGAR REPErrTIoNs
You ask if we object to the terms ''lady
| friend" and gentleman friend.''
Decidedly. They are vulgar and repetitions.
II. r. S. asks if it is proper for a widow to
have her husbands or her own name on her
! visiting card.
1t is usual in this country for her still to bear
her husbands name, but it is not strictly legal,
especially if she has a daughter-in-law who
| bears the same name
I. b. G. asks: IF four men make call on a
lady with her three daughters. who have three
ladies visiting them, making seven in all,
|
making eight cards in all"
This sounds like:
"A man was going to st. Ives
| He met seven wifes,
| Each wife had seven sacks" etc.
| As he has so much arithmetic he could prob
| able solve this by the Rule of Three.
| Ambitious writes thus: after nv mar
| rage, which was but a few months ago, sent
| out cards for informal afternoon receptions
| a cd day nfa
Most OF my callers are strangers to me. friends
OF my husband. l instructed my servant to
answer the bell with card receiver in hand.
| Was that correct?'
| Yes; entirely So
when return these cards should send up
| my name and leave card in the hall?n
| II Is peter TO send up card servants
| make great mistakes as to names. At a large
tea you would leave your card and servant
| would announce your name as YOU enter AL
ways have your address on your card. 1t helps
the lady the next time she wishes to invite you.
ACTS OF PoLIrENEss
! Another question: when a gentleman who
| had been entertaining with music in the
drawing-room arose to make his departure
was very much embarrassed to find myself the
only woman to stand up. A friend told me it
was not the custom for woman to stand when
| man took his departure. Again l was blamed
| when making a call on a husband and wife that
did not rise when the husband came in.
| afterward arose when his father came in by
way of atonement. Does age make difference
| In this respect in ones treatment of men? On
| another occasion l kept my seat when a gentle
| man who had dined with us came to bid me
good evening. Please tell me when to rise and
| stand In the presence of gentlemen"
There is no law about it. but we should saw
| you were right when you rose to bid good by
| to the gentleman who had been entertaining
you with music. II you were the hostess you
certainly were right and, again, it was proper
| Tor you to retain your seat when your friends
husband came in. Again, you were right in
rising when his father came in, as age does
| entltle man to these observances You could
not be expected to rise to bid your friend good
night when he had been dining with you. but
1t might be better to do so. These acts of
politeness are entirely gratuitous on a woman's
| part, except toward high officials and old gen.
| tlemen. In Europe you would stand while the
Prince OF Wales or the Due dAumale was
speaking to you. president, a governor, a
| member OF the diplomatic corps, in cities where
official position is recognized, would expect a
| lady to rise when he left the ROOM
| Saturday" writes: Il was talking to a lady
the other day, and put my hand on her arm
to emphasize what was saying. She appeared
| 1t is not in good taste to touch lady's arm
| when talking to her. Abroad it is considered
| the greatest insult to nudge the elbow slap
man on the back, or in any way to touch the
person except to shake hands.
SENDING CARDS.
"Mrs. Cornelia" writes: II have sent cards
! to Mrs. Iddesleigh for my Wednesdays for
three years. She always comes to see me on
Fridays. Ought to stop sending her cards?"
| Yes. decidedly. The persistent ignoring of
your day would seem like an insult. Although
card sent by mail is one recognized as an at
| tention, the distances, the engagements and
| the carriage hire not permitting some ladies to
make all their calls in a great city, all rules be-
come imperative. No lady can fulfill all her
| duties in person. If cards are left on your day
| you must consider it call
Young Lochinvar" asks: "If leave a card
for young lady must leave one for her
| mother?'
You must leave one for her mother, and not
one for the young lady, until you have been
asked to the house.
Mrs. Carleton" writes 81 was admitted to
| ladys house the other day, and then the SER
want came back saying it was inconvenient for
the lady to receive. Should be offended?"
No. 1t was probably a message stupidity
| given and badly translated by the servant. Ser
wants make half the trouble in this world by
not knowing what to say at the door.
| BAD MANNERS.
| "E. c. de c." writes: 81 have lately come tn
New York to live, and had occasion to employ
new people, and sent lately for a typewriter.
She came to me. but as descended to INV par
| lor to greet her she did not RISE but sitting in
| my best chair, allowed me to enter and sneak
| Al z- -.-..~< O