Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-05-10
BUDGET OF FUN.


I BUDGET OF FUN.
Es4ss'- ----- ---r---- s.s 49, I'D
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES
My Namo-bfisinterpre the Lingo
Not Good as Coilaterai-Bobby
Was Surprfscd-A Doctors
| Vengeance. Etc. Etc.
Pierre Montmorenci was too iue,
John Thomas ordinary; $500
Toward Clarence they did not incline,
Of Antony wore chary;s- sIr
Fitzjames Augustus WAS too much
To give to wcakling babies;
And 30 tbSy dropped all thoughts of SUCH
y ss-e@ .-Harper's Bazaar.
nIisintcrprctcd the, Lingo.
In Bowery restaurant: vociferous
Waiter-"Two pies an puddin'-two |
coffees % ,e,.3 ....-.s.,,s, ~,
Affrighted Tcutonic. Patron-sP'ison
for two, poodt in two coffinsl Himmel |
[ gets me oudt"-Neo York Herald.
Not Good as Collateral
Impecunious Foreigner-'Say, mis-
ter, your sign says that you advance
money on titles"
New York Land Agent Certainly,
sir; where is your land situated2n
Gland be bowed Ny title is Cen
cral Buford st. Clair. How much do |
you loan on that sort of n title :n-sSift-
lRqs.
Bobby Was Surnr;sa1
Bobby-"Say, Mr.. Updyke, what do
you suppose Clara said about you Just
before you came in2"
MIR. Updyke-''I haven't On idea in
the world, Robert"
Bobby (amazed)-'sWhe You've
guessed it. That's just what she said"
Time.
Doctors Vengeance.
Doctors Wifc-"My dear Mrs. High
Tongue, next door, says her two oldest
boys are sick"
Doctor-'Thc ones that are ALWAYS
hooting and yelling and fighting in front
of the house2"
Eyes, and she wants you to come in
at once and attend them"
Certainly, certainly. Let me sec.
What did l do with that bottle of
arsenic2"
Not Negotiable.
1mpecunious ':Jemima, did
you ask Mrs. Maggles whether she would
take my l. o. U. for this quarters rent,
rs Pm rather-n
Maid of All Work-"Yes, sir; and she
says she won't, sir, not if you was to
hoiier 'er the ole halphabit !"-Punch
Confederation.
Said Paddleford to his wife on the
way back from the museum: al nm
firmly convinced that women have an
innate, natural, constitutional love OF the
horrible"
"Good thing for you" she retorted,
''or you might have been a bachelor to
your dying day. LITE.
\ Corner in Grain.
Wifc-'T see that our neighbor, Bonds,
is down again"
Husband-"What is it this time,
Wheat, supposed"
Wife-"No, think from his appear
nnce it was rye that has tloored him now.
And don't want you to dabble with it
any more either. "-LoaoeU Citi,en.
n gentle Reminder.
ii was about II o'clock and the head
was where it should be at that bcwitch-
ing hour.
Tell me, Lulu" he said softly in her
car, '.how much you love me-"
oh, George, darling | couldn't do
all that tonight. It's getting too late II
The Epoch.
Too Cheap for Her.
MIR. Bookus = sHere's dress pattern
| brought home for YOU"
Mrs. Bookus-"Oh, and it's just lovely,
too: what did it cost2"
MIR. Bookus-''Only twenty five cents
yard"
Mrs. Take the horrid old
cheap stuff back. - Ierre Udute E1lyess
a Horny Handed Toiicr.
Spa, are you a bloated capitalism
"Why."
'lia says you will be unless you drink
less beer"
mo; Pm horny handed toiler
drawing young hopeful across his knee,
and I'll toll little now. - hicago
Herald.
n Distressing Possibility
MI Guarterrest-"Well, doctor, how
did you find my wife to.day2n
Doctor" Improving. l think her
system will soon recover its tone"
Mr.. tsuarterrest (anxiously)-'sYou
don't mean to say you think she will get
her singing voice back again, do YOU,
Observation-Disclosures Fres Press.
Keepin@ 1t Warm
Dude entering Delmonico's, to waiter;
the dude carries a heavy stick with an
enormous horses head)-"Hat, waiter!" |
Waiter-"Yes, sir"
Dude-"Coat, waiter:
Waiter-"Yes, SIR"
Dude-''Cane. waiter"