The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A survivor of the famous Light
Brigade" is now plumber in Indiana
polls. He still knows how to charge;
Terre Haute Express.
'Harkins is a man who
always holds fast to the truth" Clever
ly-"Yes; l notice he never lets it es-
cape him. "-Drake's Magazine.
Doctor (who has large idea ofhis
own skilD 'Indeed, / have mover heard
a complaint from one of my patients"
Hostess-''I don't doubt it, doctor.
The errors of physicians arc generally
buried with their patients"
-Spelter-"What a woman you are
to run on when you get started! l
can't get in a word edgewise." Mrs.
Notwithstanding that your Ian
guage is so exceedingly thin. 1t is
funny; that's a fact. Boston Tran
script.
In a machine which has come into
use in France for testing steel railway
tires, a succession of blows similar to
those delivered by means of a sledge
hammer are given to the tires in place
on their wheel centers and revolved ON
rollers.
Twill the coming woman run for
political Officer" asks an exchange.
She may, she may, but she ought to
know how to run for horse car first.
When she has mastered that art. she
might stand some show of running for
an office and getting there. ss4-.A
well, mother" said the prince.
kissing the queens hand affectionately.
show is Kate?" ''Katep" queried Vic
toria, what Kate" "Abdicate," re-
torted the prince, with a roar Of laugh
ter that loosened the rollers on the
throne. And her majesty wcpt.-N.
Y. Ledger.
-Bauble (severely) Miss Sharp
son, understand you say that my at
tempts at wit are simply laughable."
Miss Sharpson with much humility
my dear Mr.. Bauble, l withdraw
my words. To call your jokes laugha-
BILE is to grossly misrepresent them, l
assure you. Accident News.
Two New York swells quarreled,
and one expressed himself thus:
''Why, do you mean to call nae liar?'
mo, sir" said the other, 81 should
not like to call you liar, or any gen.
tleman liar. At the same time, if L
met you walking with Ananias and
Sapphira, should say you were in the
bosom of your family"
-Winks-"Must leave early to-day.
I met a lady who was an old school:
mate Of mine, and she was so anxious
to see my family that l invited her to
accompany me home to tea" Minks--.
"My gracious! Your wife will raise the.
roof" 80, no! My wife is quite pretty.
and this lady is exceedingly plain,
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Sneer-''No. I can never tell
when my husband has INDUCED too
much at the club" Mrs. Queer-"I
can" Mrs. Sneer-"Howp Mrs. Queer
when he is tight he asks for a kiss,
and I never knew him TO do so if he
was sober" Mrs. Sneer-"Perhaps he
drinks to screw up his courage for the
caress." (There is now war between
both their houses. )-Town Topics.
when q man dies suddenly, with
out having been attended by DOCTOR"
| says popular guide to the law, "the
coroner has to be called in and an in
quest held to ascertain the cause Of
death. But" adds the writer, when
he dies after having been attended by
a doctor, everybody knows why he
died. and an inquest is not necessary"
N. Y. Ledger.
The End OF the Honeymoon
| Young Wife-''How the world moves!
There's Bessie Gray. an old chum of
mine, a graduate of the normal school.
has just entered q medical college.
She will soon be able to write M. d.
after her name. Women are coming
to the front, 1 tell you. Formerly
girls were taught nothing but house,
keeping" Young husband "Yes,
and now they're taught every thing but
| housekeeping. "-Boston Courier.