The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1889-12-07
THE LIME KILN CLUBS WORK.
From the Detroit Free Press

when the meeting had been called
TO order and several of the windows
lowered from the tor. 10 let out the
od9r of burning wooden, &C .sed by
Elder Toots getting his back too near
the hot stove, Brother Gsrdaer arose
and said:
We nev begun de twelfth var of de
exlstepce of dis club, and it ar an ap-
propriate time for figgerin' up what we
hev accomplished as an organization.
hev madeira Ieetle calkerlation which
l will purceed to read:
1--WE hev improved de moral stains
OF de Guild race in America so per
cent.
'We hev reformed up ards of
mated) $4,000 pussons who wal au-
dicted 10 the use of intoxicatin' drinks.
"We hey converted upwards of les
timateO 100000 pussons to de sci
ence of HYGIENE am sanitary reeuIa-
shans.
Twelve Vars ago 100000 dogs
owned by cull'd pussons war allowed
10 sleep under de bed. To-day de
number IS estimated at less dan 100.
"When dis club was first organized
de loss of chickens in de United States
by midnight evaporashun was caiker-
lated at 10000 per night for cherry
night in de var. AT dis date e. will
not average fifty. :
Twelve years ago mo Gull, pusson
in dis hull kentry fell any moral obli-
gashuh wlie77 III sIe presc{Ice III water.
mellyon: Al slb PRESENT time de said
mellyon has got 10 be de biggest an de
rIpestsert, ,andsto bold out actual incourI
agement to be tooken in befo' Guild
man kin be tempted.
SIN seventeen different states dis
club has taken precedence of the regu-
lar legislachures, an its proceedings
ar read an honored wild fur mo- inter-
est.
I'm many localities de Lime Kiln
Club is considered de superior of con-
gress, an our reports on agriculture,
fishin', possum huntiR', on astronomy
ar accepted as standard by large
majority.
1--WE hev inducted de speerit of econ
omy an thrift into (estimated) 4,OO0,-
600 bosoms, adding to de capital of de
kenlry at least $75, ,000,0 900 per var.
"Twelve years ago de best educated
Guild man in dis kentry couldn't tell
six-shillin' chrome from $1,000
painin', AT de present date de same
kin be told six miles off.
"Eben up to seben Vars ago no cull'd
pusson in dis kentry had any idea of
gravitashun, astronomy or medical
science. o-day 100000 of our race
know why grindstun falls to de
ground when you pint it up in de air.
Almos' ebery man, woman an child
keeps track of de moons phases am
knows de SUMS distance from be airth.
De cause an effect OBJ chillblains is
ROW common knowledge, an de GUILD
man who gifts whack in de eye knows
all about de virchews of fresh beeisteak
as remedy.
"To sum up, we hev made a record
of which ebery member of de club may
justly feel proud, an we hev honestly
armed de right to inscribe OH our ban
ner: Sic SenapeT Iremor."
The Rev. Penstock, who has been
very quiet for few weeks past. now
arose to inquire:
"Does de Char fully comprehend de
meanin' OF de Latin term just used?'
'De Char doesl" was the emphatic
response.
EXACTLY, but I-I-what did de
Char mean to inferr
"Brudder Penslock,n replied the
president with whole cold storage
company in his tones, "dis Char hasn t
passed trew college AM been loaded
down wild certificates an' a aplomas, but
nevertheless he reckons on knowin'
what he is talkin' about. De meanin'
OF dat Latin is: I'VE Have Got To De
Top"
"But LIP
"Brudder Penstock, sot downl You
is disturbin' de meetin' an layin' YOUR
self liable to fine OF halt millyon
dOllars'"