Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-05-30
ADULTERATION OF FOOD.

There is an ancient legend that once
upon time there were three flies. Two
of the flies were foolish and liable to
be deceived, but the third fly read the
papers regularly and was consequently
difficult insect TO deluGe. The first
fly, observing the beautiful color and
the delicious fragrance of some genu-
inc golden syrup, tried little of it on
his batter-cakes, so to speak. 1t tasted
very nice indeed, but it had been adul-
terated with prussic acid, and the con-
sequence was the fly soon began to
complain of general debility, accom-
panied by sensation of nausea. a
learned physician was called in, and
he very soon discovered that the I'M
happy insect was suffering from an in
famed condition of the mucous men,
brane; also that the coats of the sJom-
ach were very much frayed at the
edges and needed a new lining. The
careful physician prescribed a mild Sc
dative and expectorant in the shape of
a volatile tincture of guiacum mixed
with alkaline extract of jalap, calcined
magnesia and muriatic acid, mixed
well, and to be taken three times
day. Under ordinary circumstances
this ought to have effected a complete
cure, or, at least, greatly modified the
nervous indigestion and incipient
chlorosis from which the fly was suf-
fering, but. unfortunately, as the gold
en- syrup had been adulteratcd by the
grocer, just so the ingredients of the
the druggist. The result was that. in
stead of producing the desired effect,
the prescription threw the unhappy
fly into epileptic fits, accompanied by
the most alarming symptoms, which
finally degenerated into whooping
cough and cancer, causing the patient
to collapse suddenly of rheumatic
govt. The druggists bill was SO large
that the family was left as poor as an
amateur performance on the violin.
Thus persisted one of the foolish flies.
The second one was healthy female
fly who was engaged to a young male
fly who was in every way worthy of
her. She happened to buzz into the
room of an invalid who was slipping
some brandy toddy which the doctor
had prescribed as tonic to build up
his system and give him an appetite.
AS the brandy had cost four dollars
bottle and was labeled Genuine
French Cognac," the inexperienced
young fly thought she might with safe
ty revel in drop or so of it. Unfor-
tunately, the brandy had been adulter-
ated also. 1t was made of cheap whisky
and prussic acid and a few other
simple remedies for all the ills the
flesh is heir to. The consequence was
that the fly was thrown on bed of
sickness. Fortunately, the disease
was taken in time, and the doctors
prescribed a mild preparation of pre-
pared tincture of quassia, calcined
magnesia, emulsion of myrrh and a
few other simple remedies, to act as a
mild aperient, but all these things
were adulterated. Peritonitis set in
Immediately, accompanied by fatu-
lence, measles and violent Mysteries,
which reduced the doomed fly TO a
skeleton. After a severe attack of
lowness of spirits, accompanied by
skin eruption, the fly did not linger
much longer. The adulterated drugs
smoOthed her pathway to the tomb.
of which she soon became a silent in
mate.
The third fly was smart. He knew
what he was about. When he was
asked at the breakfast table if he did
not want some fresh country butter he
replied that he did not wish to en-
courage the incipient tape-worm germs
found in oleomargarine, and he was
otherwise very circumspect in his diet.
Having noticed that all the healthy
articles of food had been poisoned, he
concluded that the rule worked both
ways. so he deliberately fed on the fly
poison that was set out for his benefit,
and, sure enough, it, too. had been
adulterated and was harmless. The
wise fly grew fat on it. and was men,
toned favorably in the papers for
ngress.-Aler Sveet, in New York
Mercury.