The Irish standard., 1889-03-02
Mr.. GooDMAN's TRIALS.

Th. Indifferent Success Will, Which Ha
Played Lady's Maid.
Mr.. Goodman, in the sudden absence OF
his wife's maid, attempts to help her on
with her new winter dress, says the Boston
Saturday Eue,.ino Gazette
He--You just see if can't help you just
as well as that blamed English mad. Con-
found it, after I've helped you once you'll
be wanting me to all the time, see if you
don't.
she-Well, put it on carefully now over
my head. Look out for my hair; don't see
what possessed ne to do it up before put
this thing on, though couldn't have raised
my arms, suppose, afterward. Look
out, there's hook caught In my halr-pin.
For heavens sake, Charles, get it one way
or the other, I'm sitting, and my hair will
all be down. There, now that top steel is
too high and the cushion interferes with
it. Suppose you could get the cushion outa
Rip 1T, pull it, any thingl Don't you see it's
eight o. clock! Got it out? Can't you Go it?
Pun it, l tell youl All right. Now see if
it looks too fat Well, hook it, then. Yes,
you can, too, it's only a patent hook. Snap
it! There, now, hold it so can get my
arms into the sleeves-not way up there
do you take me for a contortionist? Oh, l
never can get those sleeves grab hold OF
the arm hole with both hands, Charles, and
give 1T good pull up onto my shoulder
tell me if it begins to burst--does it? The
veins in my hands will burst, l believe
open that window, will you9-there now
give me the ends Of that belt, will you3-
don't tell me, Charles, that you've twisted
the waist and I've got to take it OF again /!
Why, how could you have been so stupid !!
Where were your eyes? No, you can't pull
it Off that way-pull it of just as you do q
glove-there, now, do exert yourself to get it
right this time. Open that window little
wider, will you1 What is the matter;
caught something's Well, never mind. Un
hook your watch and let the chain hang on
the dress-it won't be likely to fall of, and
you mustn't tear that lace-weil, Ill get
you another one If you lose lido get those
sleeves on again-there, now. pass me the
belt Oh, that fool of a dress-maker, she's
got this so tight, when / told her wanted
to be comfortable. Open that door, will
you, so there will be a draught Now see if
you can hook this waist up No; begin at
the bottom. Why, don't you see, the hooks
and eyes alternate on each side, so as to
make it holdl Can't you get it together!
why, pull i cau Stduu IL. ACiu yOuL Au-
ger nails QUIT Well, for Heavens sake,
Charley, don't notice it now. I've got some
thing I'll put on it after we get home. Can
you hook that last hook, up on my left
shoulder; and then that one down on my
right hip! Now, get good firm hold of the
bottom Of my skirt, and give it a pull down
all round. Now, do get out Of the way and
let me- look in the mirror Heavensl
look like perfect dump. Tip the mirror
up little more, will you? No. not that
way-the other way-and go get me your
hand-glass, won't you9 Turn the gas up q
little higher, and do keep out of my way; I
can't see square inch Of my dress. Well,
it looks little better than I thought it did
at first. Just give that drapery behind a
smooth, will youa and pull that ruching up
in my neck There, now, put both your
hands around my waist, and give it a good
hard smooth down. There, guess that
will do now. / look very we'll But for
goodness sake don't ever ask me to let you
help me again?:'