The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-05-30

tie tired. She-O, no, indeed ; was
only thinking how very tired you must
be.
Mrs. Topcrust-I would have you
know, that my family moved in the up
per circles OF society. Mrs. Blunt-rve
often hearn tell that scum allus rises to
the top.
She (enthusiasticallyE"Ah, how nice
it must be to be famous How wish |
had name" He (bashfully) Jaw
er-what would you say to mine ?"-
Once a Week.
"You are now one said the minister
to the happy pair he had ustt tied to-
gether. (which one P" asked the bride.
The dominic replied, That you must
settle for yourself"
'Disjointed quotations won't do, said
one of the counsel in trial before a
justice, "for read in book that Judas
hanged himself, aud in another place,
go thou and do likewise"
Joseph. "-(Scene-Sabbath school
speaking of Joseph and Mary, asks
WHO was Joseph ?" Little girl prompt
ly-"Please, Mary's man"
Sykes-The worst has happened, and
| can't pay ten cents on the dollar.
Spikes-You are lucky man. When ]
failed | had so much property that | had
to pay fifty cents on the dollar.
A handkerchief should never be as an
ornament, nor should the corner be al
lowed to stick out of the pocket. 1t is a
concession to nature that should be kept
out of sight as much as possible.
Even kings must die, and milliOnaires
have their troubles. The man who sits
on the throne, or even one possessed OF
ten million dollars cannot prevent his
trousers from bagging at the knees.
Minister (from the pulpiD-''As the
air in the church seems chilly, would
ask the sexton if he will kindly close the
front doors and windows of the build
ing; The collection will now he taken
up
Why does the letter r hold an envia-
BILE position Because it is never found
in sin, but always in temperance, indus
try, virtue and prosperity. 1t IS the be-
ginning of religion and the end of war.
Exchange.
Since the introduction of female post
masters, girl goes up to the window
and says =: us there letter for Miss
Rebecca Robinson ?n Yes" says the
female postmaster, here is one from
John McJohns."
AS they say their last goodbye clock
strikes 10 IL 10 George-"How the
hours fly when you are at my side, dear"
Daisy-"Yes, George but that's pa in
the dining room setting the clock. -
Je,ceiers' Weekly.
Miss Sinseer-"You say you are at
work on book ?n Mr.. Careful-"Yes. {"
Miss Sinseer-"How delightful literary
work must be. What is the name of the
book ?" Mr.. Careful-"The City Direc-
tory. "-ChicdgO Journal.
A Missouri girl dressed up as a boy
and went out as farm hand, and they
never found her out until she carelessly
let them see that she could thread a
needle without pricking every finger,
and swearing like deputy sheriff.
| As a rule, mans fool
| When it, hot he wants 1t cool,
When it's cool he wants II hot
Always wanting what is not,
| Always hating what he's got.
| l repeat,
As rule, mans a fool
The late DR.. bio Lewis, over his own
signature, in speaking of Warmers Safe
Cure said II am satisfied the medicine
is not injurious, and will frankly add
that il found myself victim of serious
kidney trou' lie, | would use the prepar-
alton"
A Dutch saloonist, on being asked
why beer-mug was hung in front of
his place, replied Don't dot constitu-
ton Of dose United States say, hang
your banner on dose outsive vail p So
puts mine flag on de front vail of mine
sthtOre."
The wedding ceremony was being SOL
emnized in the crowded church, and the
bride, young damsel, had been great
| tlirt. When the usual question came,
WHO gives this woman away ?" young
man in back seat replied, 81 can, but
| won't"
A farmers advice to his sons Boys,
don't you ever speculate, or wait for
something to turn up. You might Just
as we'll go and sit on stone in the mid
die of a medder, with pail twiXt your
legs, and wait for COW to back up to
you to be MIXED.
Savages expect to imbibe bravery by
drinking the blood of their brave enc
mics. A more enlightened method Of
vitalizing the blood is by taking Ayers
Sarsaparilla. 1t braces up the nerves
and gives strength and fortitude to en-
dure the trials of life.
Z. Leaves is the name of a western
grocer. He isn't afraid of being boiled
for half an hour, but it makes him
wrathy to have the little boys shout in
at his door, st. Leaves, forty cents
pound" The boys should leave him
alone, and tease him.
II Your Skin
is rough and pimply, or covered with
blotches and sore, and you want
clean, smooth skin and fair complexion.
use Sulphur Bitters. The best medicine !
in such cases | ever sold-C. +. SCHEF-
FLER Il Co, Druggists, Lawrence, Mass.
II can't understand, Bobby" said his
father, "why you should quarrel so
much with Tommy White. Your moth
err tells me you quarrel with him mos
Of the time" Il can't help it. pa" re-
piled Bobby, thoughtfully Il guess |
must get my disposition from you and
ma, "-Hdrper Bdzur.
Miss Marie Devoe Cat the cooking
SCHOOL, DO you mean to say, chef,
IndJ we must put our pare nanuS lntO
the dough ?" Professor TartOpommcs
'Sairtainly, M'm'sell Miss Marie
Deyoe-'P Perhaps this is why failed
with my bread the last time. My gloves
seemed rather in the way."-PucE.
Say, Padhr.ck," whispered jacobson
to his Hiberuian friend, Il vondher vot
sort Of a man dot is at de Older end Of
de loonch counter "Begob, T, turned
Pat, cycling The stranger, The must be
wan av thin new tangled ducks cal ed
Eggnostics. A man that will ate bacon
on "A Friday is nsyther jew nor a
Christian g''SE8a1 a --- GRH1s
EShIIOh'H!Uatarrh Re medy.
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