Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-12-26
THE JoKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
No One Else-Duly Appreciated
Served Him Right-He Waited
Too Long, Etc, Etc.

No One Else-Duly Appreciated
Served Him Right-He Waited
Too Long, ETC., Etc.
A SPORTING PROPOSITION.
sIooky here, mister" said tramp,
ragged, unkempt and dirty, as he
walked up to couple of travelling men.
'sLooky here; is either of YOU two fell
lers anything much in the sportin'
hne9" and he grasped his garments over
his stomach as he made the inquiry.
"What do you want with sporting
man =
"Well, is either of you sports3 That's
what wants to know first.
'My friend, here, sometimes takes
he', if he can get good enc. But
what do you want 2"
81 want somebody to get rich bettin'
that 1 can't eat thirty quail in thirty
days. And it won't cost him cent SO
far as / am concerned nothin' but the
birds > Merchant Tiaye.er.
DULY APPRECIATED.
els this the post-office p he queried,
as he stepped inside the storm doors
with letter in his hand.
at u.s." replied the man addressed.
"Could l mail letter herel"
''Yes, sir"
"And it'll go right out, will it9"
s'No doubt Of it.
Thanks ! | like this town. Things
are business here. 1t is evident that
you people like to see man get along,
and you won't lose anything by 1t, Ill
speak good word for your post-otfice
wherever go, and if can help it anyI
shall be only too glad to do so."-LDe-
troit Free Press.
NO ONE ELSE.
Managing editor enters humorist's
room. Humorist, showing back his
chair, says: 81 was just thinking what
a great difference there is between
humorists.
Eyes" the managing editor replies,
"quits difference"
ssNow," the humorist continues,
"Artemus Ward used to chuckle, yes,
even laugh, over his own Jokes. l am
of different temperament. l never
laugh at my Jokes"
'Neither does any one else" says the
managing editor. Arkansas Traveller.
CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES.
Jones was hunting one day, When
he found himself confronted by bears
cub.
81 conf bat did not want to fire.
he said h. - end in relating the cir
cumsf4s ,soi nat if had been inll-
grown oS 4 adowopld have b, been q a life
md -.Ioat ss< ft4ie between us.
$50 y6s fook pity ON him 7"
mo; put spurs to my horse and got
out of the neighborhood as soon as pos
sible, for / knew the little lascal's pa
and ma could not be far off. - Judge.
RISKY.
Irate Father-Young mani am en-
ragged, sir, that you should seek to
marry my daughter on so short an ac-
quaintlnce. You are almost stranger
to her.
Stubs (firmly)-Well, she doesn't
take any more chances than do. She's
almost a stranger to me, o.-[Columbia
Spectator.
SEhf Ed HIN hA1hAs
Mr.. Layman- here, doctor, you
said there wasn't any such disease AS
hydrophobia.
DIR. schmerz COMPATIBILITY mo, sir,
there is not.
Mr.. Layman-But old Grubbs got it
all the same, and last night he died.
DIR. Schmerz (meditatively)-Well, a /
man who goes and catches diseases that
don't exist ought to die Puck.
HE WAITED TOO LONG.
Paterfamilias Qrom the head of the /
stairs ut II. m.)-Fanny, will you ask |
that young man to step into the hall
Young Man (timidly)-W-well, sir
Paterfamilias just wanted to ask
you where you wanted your trunk put
when it comes Lawrence American.
BURNING QUESTIONS.
"Going t. have somethingl" said
the oil can to the kerosene lamp.
"Not this morning, was the answer
' I'm pretty full now.
=" Oh, see" said the can been out
al night, ehg Well, will YOU smoke "
"Thanks ; I'll smoke after supper"
aid the lamp.-,puck.