The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-01
BRIGHT BITS.

THE FAVORED BRUTE-Feeding time at the
Zoo, The cagekeeper gives the lion twenty
pounds Of raw beef
Drunken Tramp-Great guns! wish 1 were a
wild beast
A New vINTAeE-Old Soaker lat the club,
dreamily)-I say, waiter. That's the best wine
I've had for ages. Bring another bottle
Waiter-You have had no wine, sir. What
you drank was the Worcestershire sauce.
AN OPTICAL ILLUSION Fibbster lat the
optlcian's-I want a pair Of strong glasses.
Optician-For yourself, sir?
Fibbster (sarcastically)-No, of course not.
For my cat. The beast is SO near sighted it
can't catch mouse.
ONE REASON why the waltz has usurped the
place of the square dance is that the mental
effort requisite to keep the run of the figures is
too much for the dudes They can waltz, how
ever. without thinking of anything in particular.
Springfield Union.
''lN what condition was the Patriarch Job at
the end Of his life?H asked Camden Sunday
school teacher of quiet looking boy at the
foot of the class
Dead" calmly replied the quiet looking boy.
Philadelphia ITEM,
FAMILY MEATMAN-T understand, Mr. Smith
that your eldest daughter married yester
day Permit me to tender my congratulations.
Smith-Thanks; If you would do the same by
your meat, however it would be more crafty
ing. Huntington free Press.
JOHNNY DUMPsEY-Say, Willie didn't you ever
think you'd like to be pirate when you grew
up?
Willie Popiniay (contemptuousy) - Mo-
Pirates are played out. want TO be member
OF some big trust, or Doodle alderman, or some
thing of that sOrt.-BWritngtoa Free Press.
MRS KENTUCK TO husband packing trunk
Did you put in any toilet articles, Harry?
Mr. K.-O, yes; l wouldn't forget them.
Mrs. K.-What have you got?
Mr. K.-Two bottles of whisky and a cork
screw. | reckon that's plenty, amt itH- Wash
iflgtOn Critic.
BoBBY-Say Mr. Updyke, what do you sup
pose Clara said about you just before you came
in?
Mr. Updyke-I haven't an idea in the world
Robert.
Bobby (amazed) -Whew! You've guessed it,
That's just what sue said.-Ttnle.
"ARE you the superintendent of this railway"
'Y, s, SIR Why"
Il want a pass"
Are you employed by this road?'
SIN what capacity?'
I'm member of the Nebraska legislature. "
Lincoln CGH
Young WAITER (at a medical dinnar)-Them
doctors use a lot of wine, but s'pose they kin
stand it,
Cd Water-Dunno about that. I'm thinkin'
they're gettin' pretty tight already.
''They don't look So"
mo, but they 70 beginning to agree h-Fhild-
delphid Record.
lie DIdSbf-N AlttI LudhcS you bO uONu III Juc
mouth, Rgley?
Rigley with long drawn sigh)-Additon to
| fathers family last night.
De Bigsby-Then why the deuce are you so
| gum? Was it boy or girl?
Rigley-Neither. Miss Recusant became my
| sister-BuFdI0 Courier.
Miss BIRDIE MCGINNIs of Austin, Tex at
| tended social gathering at the Col. Percy Yer
| ger mansion. When Birdie came home she told
| all her folks what a nice time she had had, and
how much she enjoyed herself in the society of
| Socrates Murphy, to whom she talked most of
| the evening. The day following she met on
| Austin avenue Kosciusko Murphy, younger
brother of Socrates. How did you enjoy your
| self II Mrs. Yergers last night?n asked Kos
| ciusko
20, spendidly; don't think l ever passed
such q pleasant evening"
is that so? Well I'm glad to meet somebody
| who had pleasant time OF it. My brother
| Socrates was there, and he says he never came
so near being bored to death in his life. He
| says he will never 90 to another sociable il he
! lives TO be 1000 years old.'-TerrS Strings.