Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-01-25
LITTLE BITS OF WITS.

IEpoRrANr to invalids-Te get we'll
The man who lends bis influence
rarely gets it back.
ADVICE to Dressmaker-Be sure
you're right, then go ahead.
In every boarding house there is
terrible struggle for supremacy.
The bareback act is equally popular
at circuses and at swell receptions.
The force of example-When your
shoes are tight, your toes get @corned."
IT'S smitten at first and it's mitten
later on; yet there is heap of differ.
ence.
LoNaFELLow must have been obsery.
ing q number of Harvard students ona
tight when he wrote: tell me not in
mor'nful numbers. "-Teras Siftings.
MISTRESS Bridget, everything in the
house is covered with. dust. can't
stand this dust any longer. Bridget
Do as I do, mum-don't pay any atten.
ton to it.
"WHY, John where did you learn to
carve so nicely?" asked lady, whose
footman had carved turkey. II used
to be chiropodist in Chicago, ma'am,'
replied John proudly.
CoNTR1BuToR-Here is manuscript
wish to submit. Editor (waving his
hand)-I'm sorry. We are all full Just
now. Contributor (blandly)-Very, well;
will call again when some Of you are
sober.
"SEEMs to me-" said the colored phil.
osopher, "dem patriarchs done gonelost
all der memory. Abraham he forget
Isaac, Isaac he forget Jacob, Jacob he
forget lot mo-. Pears like nobody
remember nobody"
"THEY say fortune knocks once at every
mans door," said an old pauper, who
died at the almshouse the other day;
shut if ever it came to mine I didn't
hear it." "Why not?" II guess must
have been in the saloon around the
corner"
II SAY, pa, what is monopoly" in
quired young hopeful. "a monopoly,
my son, is sort of a scheme whereby
man has all there is and nobody
else has any," "Then you are the big.
gest monopolist in these parts. You
took the last piece of pie there was on
the table,"
Mrs. JAsoN-Jehiel, I've had the
awfulest scare. Iopened the door and
found the worst-looking tramp I ever
saw. Why, I couldn't say word for
ten minutes. Mr.. Jason-Do you know
which way he went? I would like to
get his makeup if it had that effect
Terre Haatte Express.
II CAN only be sister to you George;
nothing more" "I'm afraid that won't
do, Miss Clara. I have five grown sis
ters already, and, to tell you the truth,
they are not favorably disposed toward
you; they think a match with you would
be the mistake of my ife" SIN that
case George" said the girl, drawing
herself up with naughty grace, "you
may name the day" -New York Sun.
RoDNsoN-Did you ever notice,
Brown, the habit Dumley has of saying
whats that?" to every remark made to
him? Brownie; think you're mis-.
taken, Robinson. Robinson-Tll bet
you SIS that you can't make remarkb
him that he won't say "What's that
Brown quits up the money and accosts
Dumley)-Will you have something to
drink, Dumley? Dumley-Dontcare'
fdo.-Ne1u York Sun.
ARE you going to strike, MAJ" asked
the little boy as he tremblingly gazed
upon the uplifted single "Thats just
what I'm going to do" "Cant We
arbitrate, ma, before you striker" Il
am just going to arbitrate," she said as
the single descended and raised a cloud
of dust from the seat of a pair of panta'
looms. II am just going to arbitrate,
my son, and this single is the board Of
arbitration. "-BOStO1l Courier.
ANTI-CLIMAX
Breathless the audience sat-
Dozens Of women were crying;
The cruel Moor had done his worst,
! And Desdemona was dying
How beautifully she died!
One last fond look at her lover
Then the blue eyes closed on his swathy faes
AS he wrathfully stood above her.
A silence that could be felt
Followed-it really was freezingl
Them ripple of laughter stirred the house,
For Desdemona was sneezing
The Moor was in earnest now;
| His face made a darkness round it:
But no one but Desdemona heard
His low, intense "Confound it'll"
Margaret Tandeg,ift.
PHOAISMS FROM THEyasTUDY.
Some one should preach sermon on
the bad taste of pursuing good taste too
exclusively.
The philosophers trouble is that while
| he can give fifty Years to everlasting lite