Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1889-02-08
HIS VERY LAST CIGAR.
FICkLE BY'S DIZZY EVENING AT
FIVE DOLLAR BANQUET.

in Its Wicked Work.
sit was my last cigar" said Nr.
Fickleby, and, carried away by the food
of sad memories, he leaned his head upon
his hand and wept. "You see" said he,
'the fellows in our set determined to
have banquet, and we've been saving
up since the last Fourth of July. 1t was
to be a five dollar affair, and for week
beforehand l lived on husks and abjured
pie l was determined to eat, drink and
be merry, and forced myself into vast
capacity.
'EThe night came. It took me two
hours to dress, but 1t was worth while,
and when | looked on myself at o'clock
l beheld glass of fashion and mold OF
form. There must have been fifty OF
sixty of the fellows at the banquet. Be
sides our set there were large number
Of invited guests It was about 10 o'clock
Ehen we sat down, and | was SO ema-
ciated from continued and rigorous fast
ing that I could hardly hold myself
straight.
THAT FIvER sPUTRED HIM ON.
II rarely touch wine, but when pay
s. for single meal, when at my board.
ing house l can get twenty-one for the
came money, / stop at nothing. 30 l
permitted the mental to replenish my
sherry glass as often as l e1nptied it,
while oysters, bouillon, salmon, sweet
breads and lamb chops vanished behind
my waistcoat. Nor did | permit the
claret to flow past me, but slipped it
while / discussed a tender bit Of beef
with asparagus I have heard much Of
@bo o,,I ir,A Of
punch, but | must say that the punch
we fellows had at the banquet seemed to
me more like lemon ice cream soda
water than the fiery untamed spirit OF
the alcoholic flask.
Cigarettes came with the punch, l
may as well confess that am not an in
veterate smoker In fact, two or three
cigarettes year generally is sufficient to
allay any cravings have for the noxious
weed. But on an occasion Like a five
dollar banquet am possessed to indulge
in the most reckless dissipation, and after
the punch / made away with two cigar
cites. Partridge and sip or two Of
claret followed. l dealt literally, as is
my wont, with the ice cream and the
cakes, the coffee and the fruits, and when
the toasting began, and the champagne
was poured out, began to feel glorious.
1.-THE speeches were capital. Some Of
the most learned and witty men l ever
heard answered to the several toasts
Every man around me was smoking.
summoned a waiter and babe him bring
me cigar. 1t was just glorious. Through
the blue wreaths of smoke | could just
see the orator finging out his arms over
the china and silver. | slipped the spark
ling wine. Everything was happy. l
sat and laughed and let my head roll
where it would.
THE cigar finished I sat back finger
ing my wine glass as | listened to the
speakers about me. Suddenly ! felt
something like dark, damp green mold
creeping over me. l broke out in pro-
fuse perspiration. A vague feeling that
I was full Of protoplasms possessed me.
A strange power seemed trying to raise
my lungs into my throat. Thespeech lost
its brilliancy. shaded my eyes with my
hand and gazed earnestly at the table
cloth The plates bega, to move about
strangely. Through thu cloud of smoke
about my head came the sound Of clap
neither knew nor cared. There was a
W III, III tulIllO ltCll4lG VI III tliS
region OF my diaphragm.
HES UNDER THE TABLE"
Somebody rose and began TO speak.
dared not raise my eyes to see him.
The plates swan round and round. How
the damp perspiration gathered on my
forehead! | could endure the suspense
no longer. l felt that something was
about to happen. Without a moments
hesitation / slipped under the grooming
board and began myself to groan in
unison with it. 1t may be said that the
cause OF our groaning was identical-a
heavy load, if tobacco smoke can be
called a load. languidly raised my
eyelids and looked around. | saw q
forest of legs belonging to the leading
preachers, doctors and lawyers in town,
a vast forest of legs. | heard more hand
clapping. The legs began to dance, the
table rocked, chasm opened some
where. Somebody cried, He's under
the tablet Then there was laughter
"All at once l went to pieces. / re-
member nothing save confused ap-
pearance of black faces, and wondered
if J. was with Stanley. They hauled me
along. | tried TO think whether ! was
2nin Bey OF Gerard Fickleby. If l was
the former knew Stanley would rescue
me. If l was the latter | knew that |
was not feeling well. Iasked the colored
person who was supporting me, and
whom believed TO be the king of Sene-
gambia, If we were anywhere near the
Congo river. He said something about
GeneSee, and believe argued the point
with him, though l am not sure. know
l looked at the floor Just a second, and
when | raised my eyes the stars were
shining over my head and the Their
mometer was below zero.
lit seemed to me that the common re-
ports Of African torridness were all
wrong. l looked about for q chair, but
could ind none, and was forced to sit
down on the sidewalk. A policeman, l
believe it WAS, came along and tried to
carry on a social conversation with me.
He was an ignorant man, however, aud
failed to follow my train of thought, and
/ told him what thought of him. re-
member nothing more until found my
self in bed with a large wet cloth on my
head. No, an firmly resolved never to
smoke another cigar. Buffalo Courier.
The Mississippi Doctors Error.
Two agents for a new kind of churn came
to the house of Or. l., of Pamela county,
Miss, in the evening. and were invited to
spend the night While one was caring for
the horses the doctor, conveTsing with the
other, found the men were from place where
he had practiced medicine in his youth. In
quiring about different persons, he at length
asked: And the Misses Brown, where are
theyf They were without doubt the most
ugly women | ever saw
Yes" said the agent
'W hat became of themr
Zone is my wife"
There was silence
Tho lr,4Sf,-~ l. f.,rk 49, -,