Daily Republican., 1889-09-02
MR.. AND MRS. BowsfR.
BY MRS. BOW SER.

I
with parcel under his arm.
~ do not"
"Well, figure II at an hour and o
half, to say nothing OF the expense. One
also runs many risks by shaving In apuD-
lie place"
"Yes."
"And shall hereafter shave myself.
can do It in seven or eight minutes, at q |
cost of less than two cents, aud run no |
risk of BARRIERS itch or having my throat
cut by some lunatic."
=, well e, hope you'll mako a'ucce''
"Ihere you gol Did I ever attempt
anything you didn't discouraged"
"But you know you tried it twice and
gave 1t up and threw your outfits away
In disgust"
"And why? Because come one used
my razors to cut kindling woodP
'Mr. BowserP'
"At least 1T appeared that way to me.
And got lame arm, and we went oil
on visit, and there were several Other
reasons. From this time forward l
shave myself, and l shall begin after
supper"
Alter supper he prepared himself with
three towels and quart of hot water and
went up stairs to begin operations.
crept softly up and took seat on the
landing Just as Mr.. Bowser had removed
coat and vest and collar and was mixing
the lather. While he was soapiug his
face / heard him Rrowl several times,
and afterwards asCertaingd that 1t WAS
caused by his jabbing the brush into bis
eyes and mouth by mistake. About one
half Of the lather was deposited on his
shirt front before he got through. He
was Just seventeen miDutes getting
| ready for the razor, and when no took 1t
up heard him mutter:
"ThiN thing handles mighty awkward!
| II that fellow has gone and sold me Il
eit.hauded razor Pll prosecute him to
| the last ditch"
lie held 1t in various positions to get
"the hang" aud when he hbally got 1t,
he made careful motion along his right
cheek. To his great surprise and de-
| light he didn't cut his head of. On the
contrary, he shaved oil a whole epoonful
| of lAther, and heard him chuckliug:
"Egadl But Pm eottiug tLoro with
both ieetl No barber could beat thatl'
MIR. Bowser wears q mustache, and is
| very proud OF it. At the third or fourth
scrape along his cheek one end OF the
mustache got in the way of the razor and
a share of 1t was carried overheard, 80 TO
speak.
"By thunder" gasped Mr.. Bowser as
he regarded the damage, and be carefully
washed all the lather off that side to
closer Inspect the damage. Investigation
proved that the damage WAS not beyond
repair, and he renewed the iather and
went ahead.
| In the course OF the next fifteen min
utts Mr.. Bowser must have removed as
/ Sat. l.... a H..
uttered fully 100 81 he and frunts. He
tried the razor in his right hand aud in
his left, and in every conceivable POSI-
ton, and he brushed on the l4ther until d
hos could scarcely have scrap 1t of.
"You see," / heard him say ing to him
self, "a fellow has 10 fool arouud awhile
TO get confidence in himself. / expected
It would take ME about half au hour this
time, but inside Ct week I'll make q
clean shave inside of five minutes. There
that's a good Job"
He vet towel and wiped the lathol
oil his face and took Il look In the glass
The result astonished hin. SO far as ht
could see he had rot removed one Hiugl,
beard. He had scraped oil the lhther
but the board was still there. He growlef
away Tor awhile, and then mixed a iresi
lot OF laiher and brushed 1t on. aud aftel
satisfying biDlselt that the razor tdg'
was all right by cutting a hair pulled
from his head, he laid It against his ehIa
He gradually turned IL up and began Il
scrapc, and heard hiun softly saying:
snow, then, I've got the real hang o
1t. was carrying IL too fiat There's &
tr'ck'
Two things suddenly happ.ned. III
cut the Il corner OF his mut taele ell snt
gashei his chin at the same stroke. and
the .!ext IL slant he bounded out into the
hall and shouted for me.
well, what Is III" l asked, rs rost
"Looll herei Pm fatally woundtdr'
he cried, as he danced around the ha |.
LET me see. Why, It's sothng but 0
sliR bit cut. Let me wash the latter off,
1t was Lively cut, and II bled freely
for quarter OF an hour, during which
time Mr.. Bowser did gr at deal OF sigll-
ing and grooming, and forgot about his
mustache. When had pllsterod up the
cut he returned to the glass, discovered
that his muEtache was lopslded, and
wheeled on me to exclaim:
"Look at 1t Lo k at that, Mrs. Bow
serNp
ayes, you haggled your mustRche
I'll get the thears and trim it OIL"
"Never! Keep right awsy from me
Mrs. Bowser, your plot has besn dis
coyerein
"Don't be so foolish, Mr.. Bowser.
told you didn't believe you could shave
yourself'
ait is all as plan as day nowW he con-
t!nued, as he upset the lstheT cup and
walked through It's contents, "you prob
ably figured that I'd cut my throat. YOU
were sitting at the head OF the stairs tt
catch my death rattleW
"Did tell you to bring home tina
razor? Didn't / try to discourage you
from rhsying?'
Tile turned from me without q reply
and went down stairs. He came down
after about half an hour. He had beer
obliged to sacrifice third Of his mus
taehe to get it In proper shape again, AMI
{ the lather which had gotten into his eye
gave him the appearance OF having wep
for week.
tits too bad, said, breaking q lsns
and embarrassing silence.
''Oh, it is, is ~" he bneered In reply
'Too bad that Pm net lying q headles
eorpee up stairs, aud you figuring on N,
lie insuranceW
"Well, it's no use to talk to you, Mr.
BOwser."
mot BIT, Mrs. Bowser. You had {
plan. l checkmated ii. You stand re
veaied in your true li-ht as would b,
Borsia or worse. This is the last straw
Mrs. Bowser-the verg last In the morn
ing we will talk business.
But when morning came he didn't hayl
a word to say. found his shaving cut
. lit in the side yard, where be had thrown
1t from the window, and the girl is nov
using the razor TO eel potatoes.