Connecticut western news., 1889-11-27
FUN.
Brat! Chicago Herald.

Soothing syrup manufacturers are paid considerable hush money.--Hotel Gazette.
 With many of the performers bal let is a mere matter of forin.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
 It is the wife of the late husband who is most interested in the coming man.-Boston Courier. \ Poker is our national game, and that is why the chips are rcd, white and blue.-Wsshington Capital.
 First letter-You look pale. What's the matter? Second letter. have just been indicted.-New York Sun.
 First Cheese-'sAre you improving in health?" Second Cheese Greatly; I am getting stronger every day."- Judge.
 "What is your salary,r. D Siggins?" "My salary" said the clergyman slow ly, 'sis $3,000. But my pay is about $1, 200. Life.
 Not Her Fault.-"What an enigma you are, Nell" "Why?" ''I never know how to take you." "You've never tried."-Life.
 crewdriver-"Well, what do you think of mel" Screw-s.I must say you have completely turned my head" Lawrence American.
 Edison is reported as saying that the world will soon be cone vast ear.' Perhaps this is the scientific method of calling the world an ass.-Puck.
 Miss Gotham-'sOh, Miss Boston, I am making 8 crazy quilt" Miss Bos- ton-"Indeed! never made but one imbecile coverlet. ."-New York Sun.
 A French laundryman says you can whiten linen with potatoes. Yes, and you can color it with tomatoes. We've been lecturer "ourself. ."-Brooklyn Eagle.
 In the French class-''Johnny, what is the meaning of je ne sais pas3" "I don't know" "Then go back to your desk and study till you do know."- Harper's Bazar.
 Hypothetic benevolence. Miss Winter-"Caroline, what would you do if you were man?" Miss Latein- thefall-"Propose to you, out of pity" Burlington Free Press.
 Papa-"Come here, children, and give this lady kiss. This is the new mamma promised to bring you" Der Kleine Karl-HBut, papa, she isn't ."-Fleigende Blaetter.
 Perfectly Natural.-Mrs. Brown "What prompted that bold young man to kiss you at the door last nightf" Cora-s.Why, ma, I don't think he needed any prompting. ."-New York l Sun.
 The "Sliding Scale. ."-Early Custo- mer-"What's the price of coal?" Related clerk-"Don't know yet, Haven't had time this morning to look at the. thermometer. ."-New York Weekly.
 Didn't see them-sI understand you have just been down to St. Louisio "Yes; spent three days there." "Did you see any of the big-bugs of the place?" "No; went to brand-new hotel. Judge.
 "Oh, you are slippery customer" said the lemon to the banana skin, which replied, sI don't care to hear any of your sour remarks" The peach stood near and preserved stony silence.-Doston Post.
 Lady of the house-''Why, you arc the same man to whom l gave loaf of my homemade bread the other day" Tramp-ssYes mum; and I merely came around to show you that l was still ve."-Life. | Mother-"Now you have broken my
 
 cup. You deserve whipping; come 1 here." Fritz-"No; won't come." Mother-'sCome, Fritz, till whip you, and then you shall have slice of cake" -Fliegende Blactter. l Diner-"You have waited upon me very acceptably and have enjoyed my meal thoroughly. You have behaved like gentleman, and gentleman you certainly are, notwithstanding your humble occupation" Waitcr--"I hope, sir, that am gentleman. always try to be one." Diner-ssIt is as suspected. And being gentle man, shall not insult you by offering you money. Perhaps at some time I may be able to rcciprocate your court esy. Till then, farewell. ."-Boston