Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-22
Satan's Juice.

ing near, overheard him.
whats the matter, Simmons r.
? the white man asked. The negro
: halted, shook his head and replied
"Good deal de matter, sab. I'm
gwine up yander to whup ole Toney."
"What has he done Z"
"Nebber mine, | know whut he's
done. Neber see de like in my life.
You know dat niger ?"
eyes"
"Knows dat he's bout de biggest
drunkard in de 'munity, doan you 2"
eyes, l know he drinks"
"Yes, sab [; reckon you does. Now
I'm gwine ter put my plant right be-
fo' you. Some time ergo 1 stopped
drinkin' Ticker. swore dat | would
stick ter water de rest O my life. Dat
worked all right till Yesterday"
"What occurred then ?"
"W'y, sab, de freshet washed my
house erway."
"Well, what did old Tony have to
do with it?
"Wait till l tell you. De water
coulder washed erway his house jest
ez easy ez it did mine, but no, sab, it
whipped round an kotch me. Yere
Use been er tempunce man fur five
year, and dat trifin' scounul has been
drunk putty nigh every day, but de
water had ter skip him and wash my
house erway, an dey tell me dat wen
he foun' out de fack he took his pipe
outen his mouf, tuck er drink er lick
er outen er black bottle, an says, he
did, 'po' feller, he oughter built his
house somewhar up on er mountain.
Dang'us putin it down so close to de
water. Pity, too, Gaze he's sicher
good tempunce pusson.' OATS whut
de scounel said. His house standing
dar all right, mine dun washed away.
He drinking Ticker all de time me
drinking water. Me trying to preach
de gospel an de word an de saints an
de garden O de 'Seminy he fighting
chickens an shootin' craps an hand
ling de paste-boa'ds. Wen / thought
erbout all dis / says to merself: Sim
mons, you amt been treated right in
dis matter. Eff you doan go up yam
der and whup dat niger, you amt
got no true 'ligion in your soul an no
nerve in your body So rs ON my
way up dar now ter gin dat niger
de wuss wollerin' er scounel eber got
in dis yere world. Doan talk ter me,
sab doan try ter 'suade me ergin
takin dis yere step O justice, but eff
you wants ter yare suthin' dat'll SCUM
like er houn' dog dat's got shet up in
er smoke-house wild er man dat's got
er hickory sprout, jest hold yo' year
in dis direckshun."
He walked on, m ttering as he
went. The inofending negro lived
but short distance away, and the
white man soon heard noises that
sounded as if some one were beating
out wheat with fail, and not long
afterward old Simmons came running
down the road. His hat was gone and
his coat hung in shreds.
"Have you killed him ?" the white
man asked.
Simmons stopped, looked back,
shook his head, and replied
"Dar's suthin' wraung in de range
ments O. dis yere life. Went up dar
ter whuy dat nigger-went wild jestice
on my side, but now look at me! amt
fit for er skeer-crow. Amt fit fur
nothin' but kyarpet rags and soap
grease. / foun' de scounul standing
out at de fence, smokin', and wen
tole him whut | cum after he put his
pipe on de gatepost. Den l yered
somethin' hit de groun'. 1t wuz me.
'Hol on We amt got dis thing
opened up right Ker whop! he
tuck me. | tried to grab him in de
eyes. Look yere. Got dis thumb in
his mouf. Checked me down and got
my years full O. sand. How is er
man gwine to preach de gospul wild
his years full o. sand, I'd like ter
know"
"Why didn't you hit him p
GLOW | gwine to hit him when de
scounul wouldn't gin me er chance ?
De greedy rascal jest grabbed every
chance he seed. How | gwine ter hit
him when he had bofe my hans groun
down under me? How | gwine hit
him wen he wuz er settin' er-straddle
o me pourin' san in my year like it
wuz nuthin' but er blame funnel !?
You talk like or man dat got no jedg-
ment. Come akin me why didn't
hit him You muster been raised
way off yander whar de cows would
git lost"
"What are you going to do about
iti Are you going to law? ?"
"No, sab, I'm gwine right down
yander ter dat Ticker shop an git er
drink, dat's whut I'm gwine ter do.