River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1889-11-14
A TYPICAL WITNESS.
What Mrs. Knapp Knew About an A
sauIt and Battery Case.

What Mrs. Knapp Knew About an As
sauIt and Battery Case.
There is no witness so diff r to
handle as the one who insists on en-
tightening justice by giving a recital
OF some purely personal matter utterly
irrelevant to the case on trial. This
style of witness is usually female.
and the exasperated lawyers feel ten
years younger when she steps down
from the witness stand.
A lady of this turn of mind was late
ly a witness in an assault aud battery
case which was tried before Justice
Duffy in New York She lived on the
same floor with the Pattersons. who
had INDUCED in a cOnnubial fracas. II
was thought that Mrs. knapp's testi-
mOny would throw a food of light on
the somewhat conflicting statements of
the other witnesses. Mrs. Knapp.
whose jaw was tied up; curtsied to the
court, smiled at the jurors. and having
been sworn. assumed au affidavit eX-
preston of countenanee, and waited
for something to turn up II may be
mentioned incidentally that the wit
ness husband was in court, ana seated
by the side OF the lawyer Of Mr. Pat
terson, who was being prosecuted by
Mrs. Patterson.
Mrs. Knapp, what do you know
about this case?" asked the lawyer.
Il woke up of and on during the
night. and my jaw ached so that
Lawyer-"Never mind your jaw.
Please condne yourself to the assault "
Salt is no good. I've tried bags OF
hot salt until the skin was biistered. -
Please tell what you know about
this difficulty"
just so. Well as ! was saying.
when got up | knew was in for a
bad day. so says 20 my husband"
Madam said the little justice.
blandly. 1--WE would like to get at tho
root of this matter.
That's just what l was doing when
you spoke. / felt sure there was an
abscess at the root Of"
Madam. will you please tell what
you know about Patterson striking his
wife?"
In minute. your honor. was
sitting in the kitchen holding my jaw.
and
Mr.. Knapp Ito lawyerl-"That's q
lie. Nothing-not even the toOthache
can make her hold her jaw"
Justice Duffy Keep right on,
madam. ana tell what yon know about
the row."
Mrs Patterson came into the
kitchen. and she says"
Every body now became interested
and leaned forward to hear what was
coming
Yes, she came into my kitchen, and
she says just what your Honor said
put salt on it.
Justice Duffy-"Madam. said moth
ing of the kind. Your tongue seems
to be like one of the planets. Nothing
short of the power that started it can
stop it,"
Mr.. Duffy has got her
down fine. Size is like an old hen.
When she starts to caclsiing she don't
need any help"
Mrs. Knapp with a scornful look a,
Knappl-'I walked the floor for hours
and hours. Mrs. Patterson says T.
Justice Duffy-"Well. nobody ex-
pected you TO walk the ceiling for
hours, viii you answer the lawyers
question:"
.Ot course. Amt that what I've
been doing? Ny husband, who is al
ways full of fun when he isn't full Of
beer, told me | had better come and
see you"
Justice Duffy-"See mel"
Mrs. Knapp-"Yes. he said | ought
to see somebody with a pull, and you
had the biggest pull in the ward"
Lawye Madam. YOU can steT
down"
Mrs. Kuapp-''You don't want to
hear my testimony
Justice Duffy mo. madam, you are
not required any longer.
Mrs. Knapp-''Well. this Is pretty
how-de-do. Here | leave the clothes
in the tub. and the breakfast dishe.
not washed. 10 come here aud toll you
what / know, and I'm snubbed this
way. It's just outrageous
Justice Duffy-"Call the the Bext
witness"
Exit Mrs. Knapp Indignantly