St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-01-06
The New Conundrum, "Why Is
Grover Like a Maple
Tree?"
Pats Explanation of the Mean
ing of Raw Materials on
the Tariff List.
The Member Who Was Not a
Raeonteup, but an Irish
man.


The suns give out light OF their own.
1t penetrates to every nook and Granny
of the house and makes them welcome
in every cloak and committee room.
The planets reflect the lighto OF the suns,
and tone it down when too garlsh. The
celestial bodies in the world of remlnls-
cence are equally divided between the
Republicans and Democrats. John Al
len, of Mississippi, and Timothy E.
Tarsney, of Michigan, are repre-
sentative Loco Foco narrators, and
William E. Mason, of Illinois. and
William G. Laidlow, of New York, Ill
the bill on the Republican side. The
most brilliant of the suns is the MISS
issippan. The light of his humor is as
clear and sparkling as the hight or an
old mine diamond. His stories bear the
stamp of genuine originality. They are
drawn from the pages Oh his personal eX-
perience, and are unmatched in congress.
Taidlowis fully as quaiut and entertain
ing when combining himself to his recol-
lections of ChautauQua county. Outside
Of that boundary, however. his stories
are usually reset gems. The setting
is always more brilliant than the jewel.
Mason'S tales remind you of Florida
beans swinging from watch chain.
Unknown persons gather them from
the sands of time, and the Chicago con-
gresham polisheS them. Tarsney's
"reminiscences have Celtic flavor.
They recall scenes from Harrlgan's
plays. You can almost hear the tiddles
in Dave Braham'S orchestra while he
recites them. The planets are of all
magnitudes, from ponderous Jupiter
down to the asteroids.
The best Of stories are usually gen.
Grated in the heat of election contests.
The late presidential fight was undOubt-
edly as fruitful as ever, but little OF the
fruit has been brought back to the
house. Much of that little is bruised
and specked. The remainder, however,
is sound and OF an excellent flavor.
When the house debates are long and
uninteresting, and when there are
TEDIOUS ROLL CALLS,
the story teller is in his element. He
either finds a sofa in the rear of the
hall, or he occupies chair near glow
ing crate in cloak room. His audi
ence is proportional to his meIloWness.
If right mellow, the "reminiscences are
rare and racy. The laughter Of the by
ISLANDERS frequently interest the gal
leries. At times the speaker is an
noyed. A sharp rap OF the gavel may
scatter the crowd. If not, word of
warning is heard.
At the opening of the present session
fhe Republicans were exceedingly jubi-
liant. Their presidential success had
been capped by a reported majority in
the next congress. Each member told
how it was done. Many claimed that
the speeches of the "rebel brigadierS
had increased their pluralities. James
S. Sherman, of Oneida county, n. Y,
said that John Allen had secured him
thousand votes. John had turned up in
Utica aboard of an Erie canal boat, and
everybody had turned out to hear the
Confederate brigadier. When ques-
toned concerning Sherman'Ss story, John
replied: 81 reckon not. The boys were
with me. | captured them at once. |
told them, of course. that | had served
through the war, but not as Confeder-
ate brigadier. was only little mite
and said |, if you Yankees really
knew how very little harm did to the
Union army | am sure there is not one
among you who would not gladly for
give me- This brought down the
house, and stopped the brigadier cry in
Utica'
Laidlaw's favorite seat is in a corner
of the Republican cloak room. He sits
there surrounded by Charles S. Baker,
John Kean, Jr., James j. Belden, Ste
phen T. Hopkins and others. All smoke
Belden'S cigars and are good listeners.
LaidlaW frequently trenches on the do
main of the negro minstrel. The other
day his listeners were in Quandary.
He had put this question: "Why is
Grover like maple tree?"
Even Kean gave it up.
Because he leaves in the spring"
George Thatcher would say that this
conundrum is based upon the survival
of the fittest," Baker remarked.
Two weeks ago bushy-headed William
E. Mason came back from Chicago. A
Democratic member met him in the
speakers lobby. "Well, Billy" said
he, you've had an easy time in con-
greSS under Democratic administra-
ton. When
HARRISON's INAUGURATED,
and you have to trot around the depart
ments looking for patronage under the
civil service law, twon't be so easy"
"I've had foretaste of what was
men after one postoffice! Pm like the
son whose father died and left him all
the property, disinheriting the rest of
the family. The lawyers broke in and
began to eat up the estate. After two
years or more friend asked the son
when the litigation would end. Il don't
know" he replied. 1T has given me a
world of trouble, and between you and
me, John, | sometimes almost wish that
the old man hadn't Nv died."
Timothy E. TarSney is a Democratic
congressman knocked out at the late
election. He represents salt and lum-
Der district in Michigan. Both articles
were scheduled on the free list in the
Mills bill. When asked the cause of
his defeat Timothy replied: sit was the
tariff. My constituents applied Bill
Morrison's principles to me. Four
years ago l was elected by 1,6O0 ma
jOrity. | came down here and voted for
the Morrison horizontal reduction tariff
bill and went back home. They APP
piled the horizontal reduction system to
he. Two years ago they returned me
with 800 majority. / came down here
and voted for the Mills bill. This year
my constituents landed me On the free
list"
Robert J. Vance is a planet in the
armament of congressional humor. He
brings from New Britain, Conn.,, al
fund of good election stories. The best
Is an account of conversation which
he says he overheard between two
1rishmen. They were discussing the
Mills bill.
pat" said one of them, "sure can't
oondersthand fwhat they name by raw
material, so | can't"
"Sure that's aisy enough, Jenny, SO
1t is," Pat replied. "Do ye moind the
Bpuds beyant?" pointing to a basket of
potatoes near the door Of grocery.
81 do, them" was the answer.
"Whin you dig thin from the ground,
sure they're raw material; but whin
you boil thin wild their skins OF, sure
they're manufactured articles"
The answer upset Jimmy. He pulled
bis pipe in silence for a full minute.