davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18


ia tho boss inr inquired loan visagei
man with bristllng hair and business like
aspect, as he walked into the dental Office OF
Chicago suburb the other day.
II presume am the person" said the dent
ist, politely. Can serve you In any wayf'
II don't know but you can," tho visitor
replied, sitting down In chair and fitting 10
back, ''if we can agree on the forms ltS
Just this way, I've come to this town to SO
into business, and I've opened shop about n
block and half up tho street. Now, I'm
willing TO let you do all my work In this line
il you can take 1t out in trade. Where two
men are doing business close together In
place like this it looks more sociable and
friendly II they can trade with each other.
And business men have got to pull together
and kind o rcciprocate il they want to get
along"
~ don't know" said tho dentist, musingly.
what kind Of business aro you ongagcl In,
may askf'
"I'm in the marble business. make tomb
stones, monuments
"But don't need any work OF that kind,
exclaimed tho other, aghast. IT hive no 90
casion 10 buy any tombstones or monumental"
"And don't need any work In your line
retorted the tombstone man sharply, 'so far
as know-not a cents worth Never Ind
tho toothacbe in my life. but ther.s no
telling when
at Is hardly worth while to discuss tho
subject said the dentist. III don't think We
can make any arrangements OF tho kind you
propose"
"Just 80, sirl You don't caro- about heing
neighborly and sociable and meeting bu{-
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
Two strings % Hls Do,s.

mo. William" she said coldly, with q siie-
long glanco to note tho effect Of her words.
"a cannot DO your wife. You smoke and you
sometimes drink. | havo registered vow
not to marry man who has either Of these
vices"
"All right, Maria" wns tho humble reply.
sand now will you please ask your younger
sister Lulu to como down stairs a momentl
She said. when she kissed mo good-by last
night, that she would gladly have mo IL you
refused n-Philadclphia inquirer.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

"Why do you looh 20 sod, Miss EthelP
-sister Helen is going 10 marry Tom Bar
ry.-
''The worthless young Reproduced No Won
der you arc sad"
"0h, 1t Is not that wanted to marry
| him myself.n-Iifo
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
Fair Ago when all men have dollar To spare.
a W To4uz tr Yankrr Hirde

Wben tho Johpsons came TO tho dinner
tohlo the other day 10 was quito apparent
that little Maud had anticipated tho feast aud
helped herself to some OF tho good things, but
no reprimand was given until her older sls
tor, Alice, aged 3, wns asked to say gracs--a
pleasant duty with which sho was sometimes
intrustod. Her obsorvant eyes had detected
tho younger onos delinquency, and tho OPP
portunity was not to DO neglected. Alice
solemnly said grace as follows. "Por what
we arc about TO reoelye-and for what Maud
has had already-o Lord, mako us duly
thankful. r-Treasuro TIovc.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
THE MARKETS.

Corrected Weekly by Charles Mckee 4 Co.
The Grocera, Hopkinsville, ny.
PROVISIONS.
Butter-2o to $50.
Eggs-l0c.
Poultry-f2 90; chickens, 81 20 10 aes.
liacon-Sides, Ice.
Hams-Counsry, ~ to la,so; sugar cured. Il
10 l5c.
Shoulders-sc.
Jowls-
Lard-Refned. 100; extra choice leaf, lie.
Cheese-ll 10 zoe.
flour-Patent, So ~; standard, 81 rs.
Meal--70o per buehcl.
Dried Boef-Ily piece, lie; Clipped, zoe.
oRocERIEs.
Sugars Granulated, lie; N. o., loo; dark
brown, Toe.
Teas-Black, Coo to 81 90; Green, SOC to 800.
Cofces-Groen Rio. % to SOC; Golden Rio,
SOC; o, G. Java, 10 to s5o; roasted, % to SOC;
ground, 20 to SIC.
Baking Powders to 5Oi.
MolasAes-N. o., an to $50; heavy, 40 to 800.
CANNED GOODS.
Tomatoes-afh cans, 81 90 por doz; sib cans,
81 rs per doz.
Corn-9b cans. 81 00to 20 per dog.
oysten-lfb cans, 81 90 toll 90; an cans, 81 os
to 30.
Peas-aio cans, 81 so to 90; French. 81 90
per doz.
BeanH-string, an cans, 81 per doz; string
ess, 81 rs per dok; gold wax. Alb cane, - 90 per
loz.
lilackberriea--2fb cans, 81 IS per 'ioz.
Strawborrics-slh cans. 50 Gotta 3 90 per do q
Raspherrics (Bl-2fb cans, 81 20 nor doz.
sar,iines-American, T5o per dog; French,
1873 To zoe per can; annexed, $50 per can
VEGETABLES AND FRUITS.
Apples-sl 50 tn 90 per bu: dried, Q to Sc per
BOUND; cvaporated, 1870 por pound.
OranRes-25 TO 500 erdoz.
Pntatots -Irish, 500 for choice sound goods;
weet. ISc for choiea sound goods.
Onlona--Sl Is per bu.
tabbage-
Turnips-
BnSns--w hite navy, zoe per gal,
Peas-split, 100 per gal; green English, 100
YER gall black eyed, 4oc per gal.
NIsCRLLLNRous.
Coal oil-20c por gal.
Starch-5 Tn Toe per pound.
soAp-ss 30 TO 3 % per box.
Nails-s2 rs.
Glover Set.ti--
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
LOUISVILLE MARKET


f1tNSs ZEAL AM MfiirINFI.
fLouR-liouni lots sell as follows: Choice
patents. IS sot9s.7s; plain patents, t5eS.sS. 60.
choice; IS. 5O(gb.fb; plain fancy, $500; No. I,
s42htdi. s0;extra family ,sS7bc9l. oo; buckwheat.
SO 2s15 80 for Eastern: S. sot5.75 for We stern
CoRsMEAL-Bolted, 20 q 100 n; kiln dried
MILL FErD-we quote on arrival; Bran, sls. 90
shorts, SIS. 80; shipstutfs. si.
GRAIN AND HAY.
wHRLT-we quote No. wheAito arrive; 50
Coss-No. smIxed, to arrive. sGs; white,
0Ars-No. now oats, 1910;
RYk-No. : rye, SO
HAY-Fancytimothy, ,is.Ocss shoice. ,is.so
srRAw-se.oOts ton.
PROVISIONS.
BACON Clear rib sides, Tc.clear aides,
71Sc: shoulders, Sc.
BULK MKlTs-Clear rib sides, Glia:
su6AR-CuhEp MEArs-iiams, llsi2c for
large to small average; shoulders T.so; break
fast bacon 10.
LARD-choioe leaf. ss4; in kess and buekots,
| loo.
GROCERIES.
CoFrKE-Rio, ordinary. l70elsc; prime, 100
| choice, 1o1sc; faccy, 9olfc; peaberry, els;
golden Rio, lOc; Java, el6t2Gc; Mocha, 96(c9sc
Laguayra, 10; Arbuckle's African, erlc.
$50 New Orleans mSlnses: 80 sSsa s sSp ''
RIcE-SG5l scforgoOdtOpriine.
udtR-GranulAted. o.: confectionery
New Orleans sugars, 7i.c.
oAnpLEs-star, Nos. TO 8, sfSiOc y N.
| STARCH 3iSo "a ID.
soIP-Gcrman, 81 80 = box Of 90 rs for oom-
mon, $3.50 for best; ivory, siQ16.Ib for Is d
boxes.
COUNTRY rRoDrox.
BUsTKR-Choioe country, l2(af5c y N; low
grades, 1914; dairy, 2se; Elgin creamery,
Sac: oleomArgarine. lA97c.
CuEKsE-FAncy full cream cheddar, lf1<H
isc; twins, lac: Young Americas. 10
prime Ohio factory. ilSl2hc; skim cheese,
PouLraY-Hens, IS Is y dozen: ducks, live.
tf.s0g4 p dozen; young spring chickens, $500
dozen
Eoos-we quote at loo y dozen.
TALLOw-lc "a 10.
BEEswkx-20c 4 m.
BROOM -CoRS-seD3o for common 70 good.
GIHsHHG-Choice large, $255
APPLKs-S2 50C1ss. 90 per barrel.
ONIoEs-ti 400 81. 20 per barrel,
BEAHs-H. 2. Michigan 800 per bushel.
DRIED APPLrs-2lzc per ID.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

0eorgo-Ehi You got engaged last uight'
Gus, my Old, my dear friend, toll mo bow
yuu did It
Gus = Really. hardly know mysclt.
Couldn't help II. Just ltko falling down
stalrs was On the edge OF o proposal, she
gave me push. and there ! was-ongaged.
"WeiL haven't had any such experience.
Every time try DO start, my kncoa knock
together, and my teeth chatter. and my
tongue cieaves 10 tho roof Of my mouth.
I've tried dozen times 10 pop the question
to Miss Do Pink, and slumped every timo'
"And did she let you slumpf'
"Yes.n
"You arc counting the wrong girL"-Ne~
York Weekly
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
For Time Tables, Map Folders, and Pro
Tiako Addroaa

~ Passengers should purchase Tickets ~
this Line, II Ia emphatically the Most Attrno'-
i've Route In the South to-day.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
You MAY bins Of lhe heanty q splIngllme

You may sing OF the beauty OF rpfingtlme
That CLOVIS on the cheek ofthe youth,
But sing Of n beauty that's rarer
Than any Of which you have sung.
The beauty that's seen In the faces
Uf women whose summer 10 DER,
Tho zutumn-like beauty that charms us
Far more than the beauty OF yore.
But this beauty is seen too rarely.
The faces of most women lose the
beauty of youth too soon. Female
disorders are like frosts which come
TO nip The flowers which betoken
good health, without which there
can he no real beauty. If our
American women would fortify
themselves against tho approach OF
the terrible disorders 80 prevalent
among them by using DIR. Pierce's
Favorile Prescription, their good
looks would be retained to Sweet
old age" This remedy Is a gudran-
teed cure for all the distressing
weaknesses and arrangements pecu-
liar 10 women.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

There was dust on his back and CRIME Of
two weeks standing behind his ears, ind as
ho stood on q corner yesterday, no was heard
to remark that no was from Lansing.
what Ia tho fare from Lansing to Do
troitr' queried dudish looking bystander,
looking waggishly at an acquaintance.
~ Dunno was the reply.
Don't known echoed his questioner. In
credulously.
"Young man." returned the tramp. i'm
prcssively, when want to co to place by
rail get quietly on tho train. and when Il
gets theru step of again without ever ask
ing any bloomin' fool questions Detroit
FREQ Prcas.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

84s to 7-Gettin' up
Ito 7;S0-Bath and gettin' rcddy for breh-
fuR
7:30 to s-Brelfua
8 TO 8:20-Praira
$40 to s:30-Hard study.
8:30-Start for skool.
0-Get there 10 Teller must have some fun
In life.
Otto l0:S0-Study and resite.
1890 to l0:45-Reses tout to be longer1.
1o,45 to i2-study and resita
Pm.
70 to t9:l5-Goin' fer lunch
1918 to l9:30-Eatin' It,
1880 TO 1-Sloos OF thinER Playin' ball
mosly.
Ito 3-skool agen Tufrest part Of the
day.
3-Skool over. Fun begins
o to 6-Baseball Bisickle ridiR'. Com to
walk tsumtimcs with CRIB. Slidin' and
skntin' in winter FLYNN kito Botherin' the
dog. Peanuts Coin to ride with pa Shop
pin with ma twon don't kno 1t beforehand.
Randy. In bad weather readin. Sloos OF
other thingR
0to 7-Dinner grnte time fer mel.
Ito 7:30-Nothin' much. Don't feel like IT.
1880 TO Spa gots dun with paper. an reads
sunthin' alowd.
8-Sez must begin to study.
8 to ,l5-Kickin against it
s:l5 ', 9;l5-Study.
0:l5-Gwup to bed.
0;l5 to 0:35-Windin' Waterbury watch.
0;35 to 9A5-Undressln' and gettin' into
bed.
0A5 till rnornin'-Grate big times with
dreems, but fellor can't stop to enjoy them
much. Wonder wy dreems can't hang on
more like reel thingsi
T. S.-Waro do thos' too extry ours cum
meteorological Journal
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Tc,idlcr-My dear sir, do you know how
much timo you lose dipping pen into tho
mkt Ten dips n minute means six hundred
dips nn hour, or six thousand dips In toe
hours, and each dip consumes-
business Man-Yes, know; have figured
II all out
Peddlcr-And yet find you still writing
in tho old way.
Business Mnn-Yes, lam using the fountain
pen you sold me about month ACCUSING it
In tho old way because It won't writo any
other way.
Pcddler-Deg pardon; I'm in tho wrong
office. Good day.-Now York Weekly.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
Are You Going to Kansas
Missouri, Colorado. Cali
fornia or Any Of The
Western StatesI

If you should avail yourself Of the
advantages tina. are now offered by
che Kansas City Route, the only d.
rect route FROM the South to the
West and Northwest. This line runs
its entire trains, with Pullman BAlace
Sleeping Cars and free Reclining
Chair Cars, rrorl Memphis to Kan
sas City, saving many hours time
over any other route. Ifyou are GO
ing you will save money by purchas-
ing your ticekts via Memphis and the
Kansas City Route. Send for large
map Of this Snort Route mailed free
Address,
J.E. LOCKWOOD,
Kansas City, Mo.
ii. ID. ELLIS, Ticket Agent,
81 Madison Street Memphis, Tenn
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
FREDDYS TIME TABLE

Results Of His Endeavor to Save Two Hours
Day by System.
My little nephew ran across, somewhere. a
paragraph which said that anybody could
save at least two hours OF waste time a day
by running on a time tabla Freddy brought
tho chapter TO inc and asked whit Ii meant
! told him. advised him to make out o
timo table for himself and try running on it
for few days Hesaid heguessed he would.
In day or two he submitted the following
to me;
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

MAGNIFICENT PULLMAN BUFFkT
eLEEPINH CARS Run BETWEEN
LOUISVILLE AND NEW ORLEANS
VIA MEMPHIS WITHOUT
CHANGE.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
o. v. TIME TABLE.
raios earc, sunday, May u. 1850.

trains leave horglNhold far lniontosn at
$50 y ~ t.xa y IA, I1:OS M.
Trains leave Unontiwn for Morgannsld at
';ls N, G;0i y IN. II: o.
DAILY FRsiGHrTRAiNs.
f0-Trains Ncs. ! nndt run daily, ali olhcr
" Aiss daily sAc"pt sunday.
Train No. leaving Evansville al 1870 . m
amt Henderson ~ ll;1S M, arrives at pslus,,-
ton att US y m, wheru passenger. male cLy.s
connections with train No. ont. q. a \. w.
81 aats y ~. striving 81 padncAh At d. n N
An' Memphis IT II :ta y M. Pas.eneofs siso
rhks eonsenit'ns with q. -. IS. W. ira N No
Al ti3 y m, arriving AZ Louisville Al ilsls
m.
Passengers leaving Memphis on L. o. A 4.
W train No. Tat $50 IN, Arriyisg AZ pndu-
s 80. A. 1:As M aud Prlnceiaa Al I;l5 d m
Where connection "a made ~ s:tc y m wi,n ~,
trniu No. Z, arriving 10 henderson, al 1881
~, and tr.nsyillc n $50 y M.
me aiovc trains aiiIfd the travelling truiAie
We ieritet aud beat route hstwecn Eynnsyilie
Iicndsrann. fsdunth and Momphia and III in
terinediate points "
JAs. MosraoaIRY Feunlbrn
ncn eupt. CT. ar. A.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

The assistant came upon tho stage and
whispered something to tho lecturer.
Ladies and gentlemen" said the professor.
81 have just learned that one case OF the ORR
entail cui-iosities with which usually illus
trate this lecture has failed to arrive, owing
to the mistake OF n baggage man. regret
to say. therefore, that | cannot exhibit tho
well preserved Egyptian mummy hadhoped
to show you. 10 may DO possible, however,
that l can find substitute. Is there any
gentleman from Philadelphia in the audi
encer'-Chicago Tribune.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
Som 9thing ApproprInte-

Miss Agncs-Won't you ask your friend to
sing something for usi
"Sho can't, Mr. PberseyI tho poor girl Is
dumb.n
"Well, what's the matter with one Of Men
delssohns songs without wordsf'-Pittsburg
Dispatch.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Miss Olive is evidently fitting herself to
become a funny man on a newspaper, for
looking out Of the window at some children
playing In the street she observed pensively;
"Prsy, mamma, why arc those children like
my now sboesI' Again her mother gave It
up. They are both American kids, dear.
Pretty good for a small girl scarcely years
old but then, this Is a rapid age-Boston
Herald
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Mira Hyde Parkins tcloelng tho recital Of o
domestic difiiculty)-And then, of course,
had TO advertise at once for new cook. l
got forty answers, and tho only ono who
seemed any good forgot DO put hcr address
lArchly, Irish, Of COURSE
Capt O'Paddy with a view to defending
the honor OF his ''counthry'1-Ah thOn, why
didn't ye write and ask her For iti-Judy.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

SAID Uncle Sam: al will be wise,
And thus the Indian civilize:
Instead of guns that kill a mile.
Tobacco, lead and liquor vile,
Instead of serving out a meal.
Or sending Agents out to steal.
I'll give, domestic arts to teach.
A cake of IVORY SOAP to each.
Before it flies the guilty stain.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Learned astronomers tell US that the num-
Dor OF meteorites observed indicates that
there are every twenty-four hours about
400 900, 600 collisions in this universe Of ourE
Hal that affords strong presumptive evidence
TINT me Atlantic steamship companies have
something to do with the movements OF the
planets We thought the earth was hardly
big enough for these fellows, and now we
know it.-Burdette in Brooklyn Eagle.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

The grease and dirt no more remain /;
Twill change their nature day by day.
And wash their darkest blots away.
They'll turn their bows to fishing-rods,
And bury hatchets under sods.
In wisdom and in worth increase.
And ever smoke the pipe of peace;
For ignorance can never cope
With such a foe as IVORY SOAR.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
uo nna wntehed mls rarenk

Bobby (whoso father Is a grocer)-Looh.
pa, what got for my birthdny-a regular
little grocery store.
His Father dndulgently)-oh, yes; thats
very nica
Bobby--Ain't 1t, thought Little places for
coffee, and sugar, and spice, and ! say.
though, pa, there amt no sand drawer
Unrper's Bazar
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

When my grandson was years old al
ways sat by his bed until he slept. One night,
as was about to leave him, no opened his
eyes and said, most earnestly; Grandma,
am 80 glad you are not a dressmaker." |
asked him why. He said: because there
are no dressmakers in heaven asked him
his reason for thinking so and no replied.
because the little angels never havo any
dresses New York World.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Professor roused by violent ringing In
decd OF nightl-Well, what Is itf What's
tho mntteri
6tudent-One OF your Windows Is open
Professor-Which onet
Student-Tbo ono you arc looking out Of.
-pick Nc Up.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Mrs Youngkupple with q hgh)-Jaci
doesn't call me sweetheart any more; It's q
monograph now.
Miss Chumley-Why does he coll you
monograph
Mrs, Y.-IIe says I'm always talking back
at him Now York Sun.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

BETWEEN Memphs and vickaburg the line
DpasseB through come Of the finest Cotton
tho most fertile agricultural soctionof country
on earth.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

THE Rice and Sugar Plantations and great
i massive sugar Houses and Kennerlcs south
OF Baton Rouge ere especially interesting, and
mover fail 10 please tho obScryant passenger.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
Smart

"Pcg, dom yo' set down on dat dress Oh
mine on do cheer, doah."
"Missus, seed yo' sottin' on 1t yistidy.'
"Wheah, 20 sassbox yo'P
"Whon yo' had IL onr'-Hnrper's Bazaar.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

~Don+ you know that It's very impolito to
puff and blow that waym said a real estate
man to gentleman who had Just walked up
eight flights Of stairs TO his Office
"Cans help II, SIR" replied tho viaitov be-
tween puffs; ''its tho way was brought up"
-Yonkers Statesman
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
TOURIST TICKETS.

At Reduced Round Trip Rates are on sale at
Ticket O1lceB Of connecting iincB to Baton
Rongc, New Orleans and principal
points In Florida, Southern
Toxas and California.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Tho grass 1t "a grecner, the snow It u whittier.
Tho world Ia sorener and life Ii ls brighter;
The rose has a hue Of deeper carnatlon.
A lovelior halo envelops creation,
And the goddess Of fortune IN smiling aud fair
When your wallet is fat. with a dollar 10 spare.
foo 10 despair and death TO al carr
IL that sum OF all blessings, dollar TO spared
o tho piethoric pocket the big. bulging wallet
However you mock IT, whatever you call II,
IB filed with balm undiscovered In Giead-
Fit theme for hard like tho author Of Iliadi
o tho whole world Is bathed with a rose scented
mir
When your wallet Is fat. with a dollar to spare;
Strong to do and TO dare, and hard man to
scare,
Is the man who Is blest with o dollar TO sparei
O Age bright and SUNNY o era propitiousi
When the poor win have monef. unless they aro
vicious
Como on OF a pecs that Is brisker and quicker, 1
Don't stray. Ike nos who Is loaded with liquor; I!
o list to tho won OF . poor fellows prayer, I:
And mako all wallets fat With dollar TO spared
Come Ago bright and rare have a seat, take
chair
Fair Ago when all men have dollar 10 spare
a W r'r.nz tr TAnkr,. Hirdo
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Henry-l understand you met your girls
father at tho house last night.
Thomns-Well, no, not exactly; but no was
there while was
Henry-Did he show you tho doori
Thomas confidently no; found IL
myself. Washington Critic.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Mr.. Stiff IA popular undertaken. 30 ono ot
his employesl-You've got too cheerful q
oountenance for a successful undertaken, Joet
you look too pleasant.
Joel can't help it It's tho WY I'm built,
"Woll, I'll get you some Of tho New York
funny papers Chicago Herald.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Young Father-l am surprised that you
should ask your grandma for a second piece
Of pie, Dick. You ore allowed but one piece
at home, and you always appear satisfied.
Little Dick-Grandma's pies Is better than
mammah
Young Father with emotionl-Herc, Dick,
help yourself. Philadelphia Record
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18
His Hour Of Triumph

A Daturalised citizen OF English birth tells
this story; "The day before tho Fourth Of July
last year tie teacher to whom my boy goes
to school explained to her clas why the day
was celebrated, giving full particulars Tbs
next morning the boy, who was born In this
country, said to me: Dad, this Is tho day VIZ
licked you.' --syracuse Herald
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Mira voix-My husband has magnificent
voioo, and It supports our whole family.
Mira Caller-A tenor singer, presume
Mira Voix-No, bo calls out carriage num-
bers at IN uptown theatre-Now York Bun.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Friond--I suppose you write whom tho
spirit moveei
roct-Well, yes, that's about the way with
me. write whom the spector movss.
''Tbe spectorr
"Yna: tho sDectcr OF want r-Yankeo Bladn
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Stage Manager-Mr. De Howler, did you
over sec or hear of IN Italian count talking
and acting tho way you dot
Young Actor tproudly)-I should say not,
sir. pride myself upon tho fact that tho
manner in which perform this part is an
original creation, sir-an original creation
Detroit Free Press.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

VISITOR Ito butler who Is showing him
through tho picture gallery of tho old man
sion)-That's flno portrait Is 1t an old
masteri
Butler-No. That's tho old mIssus.-Dos-
ton Courier
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Mnddern-Aro you tho fellow that stole my
umbrellai
Snngit-Ycs, whyi Do you want iti
Maddorn taghastl-N-no, keep 1t, and I'll
send over tho cover today.-The Epoch.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-06-18

Great Doodle lawyer dn New Yorkl-Tbe
trial Of o<R hoooEubIe cissns Win begin to-
MORROW.
Assistant (astounded) Couldn't you
get the case postponed any longeri
mo need to have 1t further postponed AL
the important witnesses are dead. h-Philadel
phia Record