Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-08-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The air of the desert-"The Camels
are Coming"
An aching void-a dudes headache.
Detroit Free Press.
No one can blame whipped cream for
turning sour.-Picayune.
The American white man is the pale Of
civilization. Traceler.
The blacksmith YIELDS iron with seal.
ing whacks.- Washington Capitol.
The shoe dealer will do work which is
beneath other people.-Statesm'Gn.
The best pane annihilator-The street
boy with base ball.-Ne0 York Meas.
The note of the prima donna is negotia,
BILE only when indorsed by the public
Life.
An ossifed man is being exhibited.
He is the Bonypart of the museum.-Neu
York Neps.
The rising young lawyer-The one who
interrupts the court with exceptions
Neso York MecS.
The affection which an aunt lavishes
upon niece or nephew is kind of anti.
dote.-Detroit Free Press.
Worth makes the man, says the poet.
1t depends good deal however, on how
much he Is worth.-BOston Courier.
In spite of their proverbial slowness,
telegraph messengers go about with 8
good deal of dispatch.-Boston Post.
All things come to those who wait is
consoling adage to those who would
rather wait than work.-GaJCeston Neocs
"What a distinguished air that little
man has! He's almost dwarf, too"
eyes, he has a compressed air. Time.
First Suspender Button-"I'm tired Of
holding up these trowsers." Second Sus
pender Button-''Come off!'-C2othSe,
and Fu1nisher.
When man affirms that ''there's lots
of money in leather, don't dispute him
purses are made Of leather.-ShOe and
Leather Reporter.
Father Ito his sonl-''I don't say that
you are an idiot, but if anybody else
should say so 1 would not contradict
him. ."-New York Telegram.
What a complication! When the
schoolmaster whips one of the girls he
hits miss. When the girl dodges she
misses hit philadelphia Press.
Man is not the only victim of the COM
bination craze. Even ducks as soon as
they hatch their sggs start at once to
pool their issues Baltimore american.
A pocketbook made of rattlesnake
hide, which is so repulsive to ladies that
they won't touch it, is having quite sale
among married men. Pittsburg Dispatch.
They used to say he was crank.
/ thought it merely scandal;
Although he seems-rI must be frank
A little off the handle.
-Neto York; Sum-
Baseball Enthusiast-''What's the
score to-day7" Plain Citizen-"T "Twenty,
suppse, just as it has always been. ]
haven't heard of any change. ."-Roches.
ter Post-Erpress.
"Where's you pa, sonny2" "He's out. )"
'sBfa in2" ''No; she's out" ''Brothel
ing" "No; he's out" "Then you're
the only one in?" ''Naw; I amt in;
three out, side out; I'm just left on
bases "-Burdette.
Wife-'I'll take the 500 you gave me
and buy my bonnet this morning, dear,
as you want what's left to get your hat. "
Husband right, dearest. I'll go
down at once and order sixty cent hat
for myself. ."-New York Sun.
A young lady named Key offered lock
of her hair to gentleman whose offer OF
marriage she had declined. He replied,
with great bitterness, that the lock would
be useless to him without the Key
Detroit Free Press.
The stealing of an umbrella on clear
day is held to be theft by an Omaha
Judge; but the stealing of the same art1-
Gle on rainy day is held to be justifiable
on the ground of self-defense. We pre-
sumo this decision was rendered in order
to protect the court.-Bgfalo Express.