Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-06-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
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Open for an engagement-Portholes.
A tennis player is the boy for a
racket.
An inferior grade'of carpeting may be
hard to beat.
Would it be inappropriate to wish a
''king of horsemen" long rein!
When your fathers sister visits you,
lodge her in the aunty chamber.-LJe.
The groom is likely to be more stable
character than his r.-Detrott Free
Press.
If you are travelling in Pullman car
you want to give fat man wide berth.
-Picayune.
The fastest pair on record-The City
of Paris on land and the City OF Paris on
water.-Mercury.
Street Loafer-"H "Hello, boy! what's
new in the paper to-day?" Smart News
boy-"The date"
Lightning never strikes twice in the
same place. 1t doesn't have to-once is
generally sufficient.
"The only way to prevint what's past,
said Mrs. Muldoon, lis to put stop to
it before it happens"
King Charles identity was making
knight of it when he dubbed that famous
piece of beef Sir Loin.
A glass eye has one compensation
everybody else can see through the de-
vice, if the wearer can't.
Mother-s'W what do you think OF
MIR. Smith?" Daughter-''H ''He was charm
ing last night; he didn't say word"
s'I cannot look back over the path l
have trodden without giving me pain,
the man said who had two boils on his
neck.
1t requires but little faith for man to
believe he is made OF dust after nc has
asked for credit and found that his name
is mud -NeW Yorh Neps.
Teacher Ito class in geography)--"H
should dig hole through the earth where
would l come out?" Small Boy--"out
of the hole "-Nev York World.
Wall street shears are sharpening
And Bull censpires with Bear;
While lambs now skip and hurry,
To leave their feeces there.
-Ne,c York. Commercial Advertiser.
A young man in the Treasury Depart
ment calls his best girl ''benzoic sui
phinide,n because benzoic sulphinide is
three hundred times sweeter than sugar
= Washington Critic.
He-s'You evidently knew that song.
| I noticed that your mouth kept moving
as though you were repeating the words. )"
She-eNo, George, that was gum =
minneapolis Tribune.
1t is said that in some parts of Africa
there are birds with bills yard in length.
If the theory of transmigration OF souls is
correct one, these birds must be the
spirits of departed lawyers.
Swiley--''I'm going to succeed this
time. I've got my business founded on
a rock" Hawley-'I hope it isn't the
same rock you split upon when you
were in business before. "-Bartsngton
Free Press.
Visitor at Kindergarten School
"Children, your teacher has asked me
to say few words to you. How shall |
begin2' Pupil on the Back Seat Gust as
they all do)-''When l was boy. "-
Boston. transcript.
Mrs. Passe Ito her maid )-"How is the
weather to-day, Marie?" Maid-''Fresh
and windy, madame" Mrs. Passe-
every well; you will please put a healthy
flush on my cheeks this morning; am
going out. Life.
He scarce knows the names of the principal
streets,
Nor the faces of people he constantly meets;
Be ever SO plain he won't know what you
mean,
And he's no recollection of things he has seen;
hes short in his memory, his sight is defec-
Can't you guess what he is-a Chicago detec-
tive. Chicago Times.
| A. young man of Nantucket, becoming
engaged recently, was desirous Of pre-
senting his intended with ring appro-
priately inscribed, but, being at loss
what to have engraved upon it, he called
upon his father for advice. swell, !"
said the old man, ''put on: when this
YOU see, remember me-" The young
lady was much surprised few days after
at receiving beautiful ring with this in
scription: ''When thisyo see, remember
Sather."