Daily Republican., 1889-07-13
MIIsTn AND MERRiagENT.

one bias not yet got, are always the most
perfect Of their kind.
A woman recently drank wineglass-
'ul Of laudanum to cure the toOthache.
She tucceeded.
Teacher: SIN which Of his battles was
Gustavus Adolphu killed. Pupil CATER
rttlecting): II think it WAS the last
one"
The chief Of an Australian tribe gave a
temp erance lecture In one line: some
drink is too much; two IRE not enough"
Resale Cat the piano.: "Take Back
the Heart Which Thou Gavcsl.'"
Gladsby: "Would you mind, darling
II / made 1t a diamond" 1t was an en-
gag-ment.
The little girl who wrote on her ex-
animation papers: "The Interior of
Africa is principally used tor purposes of
exploration" was wiser than she
thought.
John, you are o, listening to word
! am sayingP Why, my dear Auge-
IRA, ana all earsr' al know you are:
aud ,hat makes it all the more provok-
ing"
Bumptious Youth; ~ tell you what,
grandmother, III never marry girl
" ho is not my inferior GRANDMOTHER
(savercly): do you want TO marry ali
IDIOT"
Mr.. Youugman (after long thought;
as thero any way to fad out what u
woman thinks of you without Props s.
iEgF Mr.. Ben DICT (absently): eyes;
make her angry"
An Iowa editor Gays: owe have re-
ceiyed u basket OF fine grapes from our
friend W., for which he will please &C.
cspt our compliments, some o, which are
nearly TWO inches in diamcNr."
A gentleman from the country says
that be has no objection to decent cot
tage, but that lie has strong antipSthy
TO houses viii II are Qu,en Anne in
front and Mary Anne at the back"
Mrs. ITohsou,y Ito caller): ut is quite
two years now since your husbands
death, Is It not, Mrs Hendrcks2" Mrs.
Hendricks; 1.-TWO years! Why, so It lie.
Poor Johni How time liiesr'
"Ah, Miss Ada" said Staylate, sadly,
you'll be forgetting me when Pm gone"
''l'vl been for getting you ever since I've
known you, Nh. Etaylate," said she shyly.
Aud she got him.
~ know my defects" said jenkins,
pompOusly, and as the bystandere looked
Mt him adluir,nEly, one OF them whispered
to another softly: "What au awful lot
that man must kuowP'
Niles Uppercrust (shopping): "What Il
beautiful womanq" Mrs. Uppcrerust:
ayes, but she evidently tDovrs IN some
vulgar set or other. Just heard her a-k
the price of a bonnet before tryitg It on.
Husband (whose wife has ben reprov-
ing him for smoking In her pres nec) {:
you often used To say be ore We were
married: oh, George, l do 40 love the
odor OF Il good cigar. Vile: Yes,
that sort oil thing is part OF young lady's
capital"
1t was BllRrau's wedding day, and he
was testing his boy brOther-in-lgw "Wtll,
johnny" he said, pm going TO take
your sister away oil AMI have her all to
myself, where you won't see her any
more" "No! Really, are yout taid tho
boy, curlously. "Yes, am. What d.
you think OF ils' Nothing. can stand
it if you eau"
Sweet girl: "Plelse look at this ring,
and tell me whether the diamonds are
paste or noti' Jewcer: "Those are
genuine diamonds" "nealys' eyes,
llu'Nut lIll1t5 hilAA ~ ilVr- hf Ittt u
great deal of money" 'Oh, dear! Aud
wouldn't promise to be Anything hut
sister to lin and Aow-boo, hoJ--he's
gone"
ballard: .'Can man get DAMAGE
when he Is kicked out OF housed"
Brightly: eyes, did" Dullard: "how
much did 1t amount to-" Brightly; "Well,
had a busted pair OF pants, battered
hat l.. ,l,,tnrtr Ia 4 4.
other trites / don't recall. Oh, you can
get damages enough II you are only
kicked enough"
Mistress: THAT young man who
called to see you last night, Jane,
stayed very late" Jaue: at was me
brother, mum" "But. Jane. | have
noticed thirty-seYen m1a ia your com
pany within the past two years, and each
one you said was your brother" Eyes,
mum. Poor folks allus have large iami-
lies, num-"
Mr. De Style: "Why, my dear, Pm
glad to see you so composed. When |
left this morning you Were weeping aud
wa ling and tearing your hair because
Fido was Sick" Mrs. De Style: swell,
you sec, just after you left, Mrs. Tiptop
came In and to i me that dogs of Fldo's
uIttu hSTc ing Oub pl luSu Oh. 81
dried my tears and kicked him out"
~ say" said Berkey, to his wife yes
terday at dinner, you didn't say any
thing to any one about what was telling
you the night before last, did your
That's q secret!' "A secret why didn't
know 1t was So rreti' she replied, re-
gretfully. "Well, did you tell it? 1
want to know" "Why, no. l never
thought Of 1t since. didn't know that
it was a secret"
Harry (horrtied at seeing Kste putting
at a cigarette "MercYl Do you smoke,
Katef", Kate. "Not because l enjoy 1t,
Harry. / want 10 fill the room with
smoke, so that, should burglar break
in, he'll think there's a man In the
house." Harry: "Well, you're only
losing time and solling yourlips. A man
never smokes Observation-Disclosures no
man that burglar need be afraid Of"
A woman in the waiting room the
other day had great deal of trouble
with one of her two children-a boy OF
seven or eight-and man who sat near
her stood it as long as possible, und then
observed. madam, that boy Of yours
needs the strong hand of father" "Yes,
know it." she replied, "but he can't
have 1t. His father died when he was
six years of age, and Ive done my best
to get another man and failed. He can It
l.. .f.FaN \ o.