The Democrat. (Scotland Neck, Halifax Co., N.C.) 1884-1896, 1889-03-07
Flaw Picker'' Gives Il,c Editor
Some Advice.
Shelby Aelr Lra.)


Picker will stand by you. lie weighs
not lees than one hundred and sixty
pounds, is all wool and yard wide
and warranted to rip and tear as
much as he pleases but never to take
to his heels, Ia sign my name and
take all the cussin, but | haven't got
time to whip every man in town. If
| could live without work, like some
of these Internal deadbeats, Id just
open up a shop and ask the old sore
heads to come right in and have the
flies minded off Of them. I wouldn't
mind dOin up a couple old cranks
anyway, but before | get through.
I'll have twice forty men in fight
ing humor and cant take the CON
tract without pay. l can't fool away
my valuable time punching the
heads OF all the old molly-coddlers
and watery-5rained sponges l tackle
in this corner.
Clarency, do feel q little bit
sorry for you. 1t seems I am giving
you an unsavOrY notOriety. I'd hate
deucedly bad to be the cause Of send
ing you to Jail. / am afeard cross
bars wouldn't suit your complexion
and penitentiary stripes amt cut
enough in the latest agony to be-
come such an alfred promising dude
as you are. But don't get skeered
Clarcncy. Remember you belong to
the old established firm Of Keep, Cool
&, CO and let them bow their backs
and bristle their tails. They will
simmer down soon. This rattling Of
dry bones is bound to DO good, and
if you do have to go down you'll be
martyr to glorious cause. But
you are not goin down-at least
not afore Flaw Picker gifts the whole
hog skinned aud makes little more
sausage meat and chitlln5 out of
some of the dod~cotted Old OraAg
outangs Of this community.
C!arency, you are young and fresh
and mighty alfred green. You
don't know how to run a real, live,
booming newspaper. You'd do pretty
well to go round and ask the old
loafcrs and chronic gas bags if they
have got any news; but when it
comes to the scientific management
OF paying village sheet, CIarency,
yCu amt there. You need advice
Bring your old oyster shell ear down
close and I'll tell you tale that
Will lift yOu out Of the kinks. If the
"traincd journalist" wont stay at
home and show you how to run 8
frst>class newspaper, I'll do it for
him. I've got the dots down fine
I'll hold up thls week on the old
Egyptian mummies, the ganderfcd
mOssback fossils the howling hyena
cussing fend, the riDg~streaked
striped court house sinecures, tho
antideluyiaa mOTtar~pestlers and
pill givers, the strutiicd brass-but
toned pcacocks, the measly prohibit
tion cranks, the red>eyed whisk}
gooz!ers, the big legged pantaloonet
dudes, the mucilaginous button> >hol
ing bores, the corceited pharisaica
Observation-Disclosures, the hreech load
ing, dOuble-barreled setter-puppcC
antiQuariea, the Pecksniflian, mil
dewed oil y-tongucd insurance agents
the bandy-shankcd, "Eefore Tax
ing" J. Gould and the pusillanimOus
tlc-brsined smarter than any
body else wseacres in general, aE(
III put you on the hot trail of sue
cess in the newspaper art. Thcs,
bright and shining lights can wait
In due season and in nine own gool
me I'll reach out and demolsl
them,
i
And lastly Clarcncy, It's goo(
iIoa rO ru0 q oau-cnypor in n +Cu,