Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-01-24
BILL AND THE WIDOW.

as he sat stirring his conee Win one
hand, holding piece OF plum cake IN
the other and looking across the table in
to the bright eyes of his neat little wife,
"wouldn't it be good joke to get bach
elor Blu Smiley to take the Widow Wat
son to the show, next week?"
'You can't do it, Ed; he won't ask her,
he's so awfully shy. Why, he came by
here, the other morning, when l was
hanging out some clothes, and looked
over the fence and spoke, but when [
shook out night gown he blushed like
girl, ana went away"
81 think l can imagine it" said Ed, but
rlI have to lie just a little. But then, it
wouldn't be much harm, under the cir
cumstances, for / know she likes him and
he doesn't dislike her; but as you say he's
so shy. I'll just go over to his place to
borrow some bags of him, and if | don't
bag him before I come back, don't kiss
me for a week, Nellie"
So saying Ed started, and while he is
crossing the field We will take glance at
Billy Smiley. He was a rather cookbook
ing fellow, though his hair and whisk ers
showed some gray. He wore set of ar
tificial teeth. Everybody said he was a
good soul, and so he vas. He had as good
hundred acre farm as any in Norwich,
with new house and everything com
Portable, anu if he wanted a wife many a
girl would have jumped at the chance.
But Bill was SO bashful-always was
and when Susan Berrybottle, whom he
was so sweet on, though he never said
"bOO" to her, got married to old Watson
he just drew in his head like a mud -tur ole
into his shell, and there was no getting
him out again, though it had been
. hoI
widow he had paid more attention to his
ole 5hes and been very regular in his at
tendance ut the church the fair widow at
tended.
But here comes Ed. WILDER.
"Good morning, Mr.. Smiley"
"Good morning, Mr.. WILDER; what's the
Aews your way?"
''Oh, nothing particular that know
of said Ed, ''Only the show that every
body is talking aoout and everybody and
his girl is going to. l was over to old
Sackrider's last night, and I see his son
Gus has got new buggy and was scrub
bling up mis- horses, and he's got that
white-feced colt of his as slick as seal.
/ understand he thinks of taking Widow
Watson to the show. He's been hanging
around there q good deal of late, but I'd
Just like to cut him out, | would. Susan
Is nice little woman and deserves a
better man than that young pup of fell
low though l would not blame her much,
either, for she must be dreadful lone =
some; and then she has to let her farm
out on shares, and 1t isn't half worked,
and no one else seems to have the spunk
to speak up to her. By jingo! if 1 we're
single man I'd show trick or two"
So saying, Ed. borrowed some bags and
started around the corner of the barn,
where he had left Bill sweeping and put
his ear to a knot hole and listened, know
ing the bachelor had habit of talking to
himself when anything worried him.
"Confound that young Sackrider," said
Bill, what business has he there, I'd like
to knowH Got a new buggy, has he?
Well, so have |, and new harness, too!
and his horse can't get in sight of mine !;
and l declare I've half a mind to-yes,
I'll go this very night and ask her to go
to the show with me. I'll show Ed. WjI
Der that amt such calf as he thinks
am, if l did let old Watson get the best
of me in the first place."
Ed could hardly help laughing out
right, but hastily hitched the bags on his
shoulder, and with low chuckle at his
success, started home to tell the news to
they saw Bill go by with his horse and
buggy on his way to the widows. He
logged along quietly thinking of the old
singing-school DAYS, and what pretty
girl Susan was then, and wondering in
wardly if he would have moral courage
now to talk TO her, until at about a dis
tance of abunt a mile from her house he
came to q bridge-over creek-and 1t
SO happened that just as he reached the
middle he gave tremendous sneeze and
blew his teeth clear out of his mouth and
over the dashboard, and striking on the
planks, they rolled over the side of the
bridge and dropped into four feet of
water.
Words eanrot do justice to poor Bill
or paint the expression of his face as ne
sat there, completely dumfounded at this
piece of i'll luck. After while he step
ped cut of his buggy and getting down
on his hands and knees looked into the
water. Yes, there they were a5 the bot
tom with crowd of little fishes rubbing
their noses against them, and Bill Coix
wished TO goodness that his nose was as
close for one second. His beautiful teeth
that cost HIM so much, and the show com.
Ing on and not time to get another set
anC the widow ana young Sackrider.
Well, he must try and get them somehow,
AID no time to lose, for some one mig ht
come along and ask him what he was
foolipg around there for. He had 10
notion of spelling his good clothes by
wac ag in with them on, and besides, if
he did he could not GO to The widows
that night; so he took look up and down
the road to see that no one was in sight
and then quickly undressed himself, lay
ing his clothes in the buggy TO keep them
clean. Then he ran around the bar and
waded IN the almost icy-cold water, but
his teeth did not chatter in mis- head-he
only wished they could.
Quietly ne wsded along so SIS not to
stir up the mud, and when he got to the
right spot he dropped under the water
and came up with his teeth In his hand
and placed them in his mouth. But
bark! shst noise is that! A wagon and a
little deg barking with all his might. and
his horse is starting. "Whot! whoal
Stop! Sop! You trute! stolr' But stop
he would not, but went off at spank ing
pace With the unfortunate bachelor after
him. Bull was certainly in capital ruu-
ming costume. but, though be strained
every nerve, he could nor touch the bug
gy nor reach the lines that were drag
ging on the ground.
After H time hrs plug hat shook of the
seat and the hird wheel went over il,
making it as fist as nanrake. Bill
snatched il as he rap, and after tanning
his fist into it, stuck IT all duty and
crumbied on his head. And now he saw
the widows house on the hill, and what,
oh, what would he do? Then has coat