Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-02-01
HUMOI. OF THE DAY.

n bridal party The horse.
A dwarf pcar-A couple under size.
A romance of the middle ages-An old
maids love affair.
Lost in the outskirts-A woman, when
she can't find her pocket
Corners In the stock market may be
sharp, but they arc never square.
''Pride goes before a FALL" and the
"Wintcr OF discomfort" comes after.
Shades of the dcpartcd-Thosc left
hanging when the last tenant moved
out.
How to b. happy, though married -
Let your wife do all the taiking-Boston
Courier.
To keep icllics from moldng, place
them on low shelf where they eau be
reached by the children.
To write good story for the public
man must have good upper story of
his own. -Nc@ York Mc,os.
Why will street car CO conductor stop a
man from smoking and the next minute
help woman to alight?-New York
Nc,os.
"Mrs. Smith holds her age remarkably
we'll" "She holds her tongue about it,
If that's whit you mean." Boston Tran
script.
The man who grated an apple twie
into pine tree reports to the Gawktown
Agricutturist that he failed TO raise pine
apples.
"All men are born free and cqunl, ;"
but unfortunately some arc born equal
To fn-0 of RI
York Tribune.
"Time and tide wait for no man.
but when woman is in the case, even
time and tide must wait or go on without
her.-Ne,o York Tribune.
Stranger-"NIa Il ask what your &C.
cupation is, siri" Tally-ho driver lin a
college town)-"Oh, coach the stu
dents. Darlington free Press.
Easily Explained. -Old Lady Ito gro.
GERS boy -"What makes the price on
them potatoes so still. boyt" Grocor's
Boy-"It's because there's so much
starch i'll 'em, mum. Wife.
Ficnchman--"Yes, Miss Bostonia. in
the Mediterranean [ sailed through
schools of sardines, Miss Bostonia-
''Nonscnsc2 How could they swim in
those heavy tin boxcs:"- Time.
Guest (who has ordered cold roast
duck and is out of patience) Waiter.
how long must | wait2" Waiter-"If
you will kindly have patience, the duck
is not yet quite cold" Fhgcnde Batter
Mrs. Scrumptous-"Do not 90 near
that old mill, my daughter" Daughter
why not, mammal" Mrs. s. "Don't
you know that tho Scriptures say that
the sound of the grinding is low ~
Chicago Globe.
Wife Ito unhappy hnsband-'1
wouldn't worry, John; it doesn't do any
good to borrow trouble. Husband
BORROW trouble? Great Caesar, my
dear, l amt borrowing trouble, Pve
got it to loan"
Gust came from the West. CHI Well,
how's business out thcrct" Crush
ing. Thirty new towns were started in
Kansas, last week, and three of them
have already got few inhabitants. y
Ne,o Yors World.
Bessic-"In the history class to. day
the teacher spoke about the tri.color
What is the tri-color, mammal" Man,
maj think the teacher must have re-
ferred to yellow, my dear. 1t is very
trying color. "-BWiington Free Press.
Business ways. Clcrk-"Why do you
want these apple barrels marked open
this endl' What difference Goes it make
which end is opened." Fruit dealer
1--WE can't afford to pack large apples at
both ends Of the barrel. "-Drdke's Mana.
zine.
Well, William" said Mr.. Hardhead to
his new confidential clerk, .you are in a
first class position now at good salary.
| shall expect you to be faithful and
diligcnt-in fact TO make all my in
tcrests your own. 1t won't be necessary,
however, for you to make love to the
typewriter. I'll attend to her myself. u
-1c're Haute Express.
THE WAY OF THE WORLD.
She stood upon the platform scale,
Her lover by her side;
Her dimpled cheeks were ROSY red:
He murmured: "Be my bride"
With downcast eyes and faltering hand,
Loves summons to obey,
She placed n nickel in the slot
And gave herself u weigh.
The Glass of Fashion "Ah,n said Mr..
Scourplatc grimly, as he adjusted his
necktie, "We ave to put hup with the
airs OF these society people hall day; but
when evening" comes, me boy, they show
wot the truly genteel is by puttink on
the dress that we wear all day" 'sThat's
So" replied Mr.. Crumbcloth, with n
grave nod. "You ave great 'cad.
Tummis; we WATERS be the real leaders
OF fashion. Life.