The morning news., 1889-04-23
BRIGHT BITS.

A DESPERATE EXTREMITY. What the deuce
makes Oldbore continually talk TO himself?''
Cant get any one else to listen TO him,
suppose"
FEELING HIS WAY.-Hennepekke twho has
rung the bell of his own houseJ-Is my mother
in-law in or out, Bridget?
Brldget-Out, sir.
Tie enters.
AT THE B-Bylk-Funny what queer
dreams a fellow has, isn't it?
Sukker-Why, have you dreamt that you paid
me what you owed me?
Bylk-No, dreamt you lent me more
THE SECRET OUT.-"It always did puzzle me
to see how these astronomers can foratell
eclipses so long before they happen"
Sure, that's aisy enough. All they have to
do is to borry somebody's almanac. '-ChicG0o
Tribune.
No SHAMNING THERE.-Bagley-I understand
your wife is sick
Bailey-Yes, she hasn't spoken a word for
three days.
Bagley-By graciousl She must be pretty
sick woman.-1he Epoch.
TINE BRINGs WIsDoM.-Jack Borrowit (furi-
ously)-TO think of it! There's Twitchel. my
friend Of five years refused me paltry $40 loan
this morning.
Lamhrequin- Maybe that's because he's
knownyou for five years.-LUe.
IT WAS TINE TO PAY HIS BILLS Goldsmith
Mr.. Shart, why you like large caliber can
non when you leave my store?
smart QOD I know. give II up.
GOldSmith-BeCause you always 20 off with
heavy charge-JeWelers' Weekly.
A CASE IN PoINT-Uncle Tom-Got anything
to do tomorrow Jack?
Jack-Yes; I've got to go downtown to try a
case.
Uncle Tom-Then you've got client at last /?
Jack-Oh. this caS5 isn't in court; g at a
wine merchant's.-LJe.
JUST before his death, man in New Haven
ordered sum OF money to be laid out in beer
for the mourners at his funeral, thus departing
from life and the usual order of things at the
same time. Generally the bier is laid out for
the corpse, but in this case the corpse was laid
out for the beer.-Bdltimore AnlericGn.
AN ESCAPED LUNATIC.-A Kentucky gentle
man awoke one night to find masked burglar
with loaded pistol standing at his bedside Il
want money or your hfe'' .'@ea-
Idiot DO you suppose I'd be here if had
money! Don't you know I'd be at the Gently
Dreaming saloon enjoying myself if 1 had
money? Go back to the asylum !'-TeTdS Sift-
iH0S.
HusBAND-My dear, these trousers are frayed
at the bottom.
wife-They are the best you've got, John,
except your dress trousers.
Husband-Well give them to me. l have an
important interview on hand to-day in which l
expect to be at different times proud, naughty,
Indifferent, digniied, and perhaps a tritie
disdainful. man can't be all that successfully
with fringe on the bottoms of his trousers -
HdrperS BdzGr.
THERE is a disposition on the part of few
few mudsills to magnify the little incident
which occurred at the postofice last Tuesday
evening. Last week we referred to Col.
Crocker as a thief. We were wrong. He was
arrested in Illinois for arson and jumped his
bail. He met us in the postoffice aud knocked
us down. While down, we explained that we
were in error, and he apologized and helped
brush the dirt off our clothes. That's all there
was to it-one of the trifiing incidents of
every day life-and that class who are seeking
70 fa fha xa ht
it. When we call an incendiary a thief-a
robber, an absconder-a bigamist an embez-
zler, we shall apologize every time. There is
no reason why editor shouldn't also be a
gentleman.-ArizonG Kicker.