davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
a. London Cabby's English,

Ono does not expect to speak his
mother tongue in the highways and by
ways Of Paris, Berlin or Vienna, but in
London hopes at least to be UNDER
stood, as is often not the case. A Wash
%ingtonian doing the sights of this Eng
lish capital ordered his cabman to drive
to the Alhambra. "Whero is it, sir::"
asked the cabby. "Well, my man, that's
what l don't know and what you ought
to know, if you pretend to know your
business" Poor cabby was nonplused
and asserted with evident modification
that though he had made his living as a
London cabman since boyhood he had
new heard of such a place as the AL
hambra. why" said the much dis
gustcd American, cts q place where
they lave music and dancing and plenty
to drink" ooh! it's the Helumbria you
mean, sir" and with a sarcastic smile on
his face at the pronunciation of his
American cousin nc drove to the place
in NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Museums of Household Products.

The connections of the oldest tradi-
lions are afforded first by language and
legends, for the study of which no mu-
scum are required. Next to these in
value are material objects, particularly
useful ones. with which are associated
antique designs and mythic-sometimes
Notwithstanding, and which also
in their forms, decorations and applica-
tons give very definite views of. their
age. 1t is the purpose of the projected
museum of costumes and household
goods to collect these objects-not tho
only purpose, for there are many stages
in the historical development Of peoples
which have left their traces in dress and
furnishings, but the principal one. A
museum of costumes and household
goods will, therefore, close the gaps be-.
tween chronological and prehistoric mu-
seums on the one side and between eth
biological and historical museums on the
other. 1t will do for our own people
what chronological museums have done
i'll relation to foreign peoples, partic-
ularly to savages; it will seek out OBJ
jects of the present as historical museums
have recovered them from the tombs
and dwelling places Of primitive times,
and will give for the ommon life and
conduct of the peoples what historical
museums have furnished as to their &C.
clesiastical and courtly life.-Rudolpl
Virchow in Popular Science Monthly.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
JOKING IN EARNEST.

Franks Which Often Proceed fron Serious
or Malicious Purpose.
The various professions have their own
records of practical jokes, which too
often proceed from some serious or mali
cious purpose. One such prank, under
taken with vengeful design, was that of
the Belgian painter Writ, who, year
after year, sent pictures to the Salon,
only TO have them returned, as the
judges, whose duty it vas to pass upon
the pictures submitted, would have
nothing to do with him.
Finally he became possessed of a
genuine Rubens, which he sent off to the
Salon bearing his own name. 1t was at
once sent back to him, and then, as the
phrase goes, he had tho judges on the
hip, and could taunt them with not
knowing the work of a master when
they saw it.
Another such practical joke was play
ed upon the late Nine. Rudersdorff bv
Sir Michael Costa, the conductor. At
rehearsal IL day the lady declared that
she could not sing her song as it was
written, but must have it transposed
half a tote lower.
"But, madam" said Costa, "consider
the Inconvenience, especially to the wind
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Fruit as Medicine,

Grapes come first, especially black
grapes, which are most nutritious, and
ut the same time purifying to the blood.
Grape cures are quite the fashion in
some parts of the continent, and are
said to work miracles at times. Peaches
also are most hvgienic to tile human sys.
tenn, rs well as being one of the most OK
quisite fruits in nature. Nothing indeed
is more palatable, wholesome and mcdi.
cinal than a good ripe peach. Peaches,
however, should not be eaten ovcrripa.
They may be eaten at meals or between
meals; they arc particularly hygicnic
when eaten at breakfast. An orange
eaten before breakfast will, it is said
cure dyspepsia sooner than anything
else. Apples are also very %hygienic, es
p%ccially when baked or stewed. They
are excellent in many cases of illness
and arc far better than salts, oils ant
pills. The juice of oranges, as of lemons
is most valuable to make drinks in cast
of fever. Tomatoes arc also excellent
remedies in some liver and gastric com
plants, and are certainly more pleasant
than medicines. Figs, raspberries, straw,
berries, currants and cherries are al
cooling and purifying to the system
while being nutritious at the same time.
Once a Week.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Ito Wanted e Joker,

Most men. especially in the newspaper
profession, have high enough apprecia-
ton of their value and ability. There is
@ %Scotchman, however, who is conscious
that lie does not possess in a marked de-
gree all the essentials for perfect jour
nalism. His name is John Saunders and
he publishes n paper down in the coun-
try for the especial cdification of a colo
ny of his OWL countrymcn. He came to
the city not long ago and at nee went
to one of the newspaper offices to see
the editor. In broad Scotch dialect he
said:
Yell sec by ma card tibet l am, like
yoursel, a newspaper mon. l la come
to the salty on one special mcssion. liza
noticed in the papers that it la come to
be the fashion to write jockey articles,
and | wad like to ken if | ma hire n mon
to do tibet for mcscl."
The Scotchman was told he could hire
some one for that class of work, but that
such men came high. a good man, he
was told, for that class of work was
worth $40 or $50 per week.
"Oh, dear, dear, so muckle as tibet?
Well, must la n for a'the price. Can
ye tell whaur I'll be finding sic a mon:"
"Yes, / think can find you onc,"said
the city a ''bnt why don't you write
it YOURSELF"
We'll, I'll tell yc. Ye see, l can do
well enou on items o news OF CONNER
cial articles, but | nun say tibet l joke
wi difficulty Chicago Herald.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Buck,np Against I.uc,e.

Mr.. Illuck-Say, Mariah, now that
your uncle has left you a little money,
you just go and buy all tho property you
can get hold ofin Frogtown. The people
there are selling out for almost nothing,
and moving back to the city.
Mrs. Illuck-What are they selling out
for?
"'Cause they're nearly eaten up every
summer with flies. The flies there is
perfectly awful-no standin' 'em at all;
they just depopulate the town."
"Huh! Then why do you want me to
buy there, I'd like to know"
"Iu tell you, Mariah. You know I'm
the unluckiest Teller that ever lived, don't
youY"
II should say SO. If you'd dig for
water you wouldn't find anything but
dry rock till ye struck fire, er came out
on some Chinese desert. do believe If
you'd buy stocks that was bound to rise
in q month, the world nd come to an
end before the month was out"
"Jesso; that's me. Well, you go buy
property in Frogtown. You'll be buyin'
it; I won't. See%
"But the fies?"
"1ll go there an settle down as an
agent for fly paper, an there won't be q
fly there this summer."-New York
Weekly,
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
superb and yacuous oricnta,,,m,

l have seen certain dancing girls who
balanced themselves with the regularity
of a palm tree. Their eyes, of a pro-
found depth, express calm only-nothing
but the calm, the emptiness Of the desert.
1t is the same with the men. What adj
mirable headsl heads which seem to be
turning over within them the grandest
thoughts in the world. But tap on them!
and there will be only the empty beer
glass, the deserted sepulcher. Whence,
then, the majesty Of their external form?
of what does it really hold? OF the alb
sence, l should reply, of all passion.
They have the beauty of the Illuminating
OK, of the greyhound in its race, tho
floating eagle-that sentiment of fatal
ity which is fulfilled in these. Aconvic-
ton of the nothingness of man gives to
all they do, their looks, their attitudes, a
resigned but grandiose character. Their
loose and easy raiment, lending itself
freely to every movement Of the body,
is always i'll closest accord with the
wearer and his functions; with the sky,
too. by its color; and then the sum!
There is an immense ennui there in the
sun, which consumes everything.-Cor.
NJ. Gustave Flaubert.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Defect in Educational System.

Perhaps the most serious defect of the
system of liberal education 10y preva-
lent in the United States is its lack Of a
truly progressive character. 1t is full of
fits and starts 1t is too disjointed and
f%ragmentary. This is partly because
there are no settled principles of pro-
ccdure, fixing the order and amounts of
the studies; and partly because there is
no power which a sccure teachers that
know precisely what they are expected,
fitted and permitted to teach. The con
sequence is that the different years of
school life too much resemble the differ
ent successive sessions of our legisla-
lures. Milton somewhere describes the
process of legislation as "%hatching a lie
with the heat of jurisdiction" Forum
atcly, the process also consists in killing
the brood of lies already Matched by pre-
vious legislation. Now the process of
education in this country is by no means
SO bad in this regard as the process of
legislation; but in certain respects the
former too much resembles the latter
Professor George Trumbull Ladd, of
Yale college, in Scribner.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Cracking Cuba.

The startling discovery has been made
that Cuba is cracking. Numerous tis-
sures have suddenly appeared in the
earth near Matanzas. Some of them are
600 feet long, twcnty-four feet wide and
twenty feet deep. These disturbances
are no doubt a continuation of those not
long ago felt Oh the south Atlantic coast.
Scientists find that the earth's crust
thickens from the sea inland, and that
therefore the inland pressure is towards
the nearest coast line. The crust there
and in the ocean beyond being thinner,
is more sensitive to central disturbances
than are other portions of the earth's
surface. The cracking of tho earth i'll
Cuba, therefore, may be no more than a
continuation of that sliding of the inner
crust seward which manifested itself
30 forcibly at Charleston several years
ago.-Boston Budget.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Stenlfnst Love.

Thomas Blackbull fell over head and
cars in love wi bonnie Jenny Wilson,
the kindest and the bravest lass in a the
parish. They were in the habit O. walk.
ing O nights in the plantation by the
banks o the Dye-a burn that winds its
way through the hills O. Lammcrmoor.
One evening, Will Slncaton, a tailor by
occupation, was in the plantation and
he overheard the following converse.
ton:
80, Jenny" quo Tam, ~ do lo'e yc
stradfast, there's nae power on earth
could knock your image out O. ma heart.
1t is rooted there in storm and sunshine.
in wind and in rain"
%"IIout," cried Jenny, "Im no sac sure
o that; the love O man is as changeable
a. the wind-it is even like the butter
fly that fits frao ae flower to the ither.
l wadna believe some men as far as l
could fling them"
"What!' cried Tam, "for goodness
sake, Jenny, dinna misdoot NE. Ill
lp'e ye, Jenny, my ain dear, rs lang as
there's fur on the back GA rabbit or
hair on the back O horse.'-Exchange.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
just a. Glad to SEQ an Actor.

SNos So Osse ~ eoo 80 ~
Gen. Custer, Lawrence Barrett and
Stuart Robson went over to Brooklyn
years ago to hear Mr.. Beecher preach.
After the sermon the three went around
to the house of a friend where Mr..
Beecher was to come Immediately after
church. They were seated in the parlor
chatting as the great preacher came in.
The names had been given to him in the
hall. AS soon as he reached the TIRES
hold of the parlor door he said, "Mr
Robsonr The actor went ove and ex-
tended his hand.
81 am delighted to sec you, delighted
to see you. But you are much younger
looking man than ! expected to find"
ooh, l am 45 years at least, Mr.. Beech.
en-" replied Robson.
81 shouldn't think it, sir; l shouldn't
think it. You are a very young mar tc
be secretary of the navy"
81 am not Mr.. Robson. the secretary
of the navy, but Mr.. Robson, the actor
"Oh, it makes no difference" said Mr..
Bcecher, 81 am glad to see you notwith'
standing my mistake"
But he lost no time in turning from
him to pay court to Gen. Custer. AS lie
had made a mistake on the political end
he made up for it by paying court to the
military hero until the discussion became
general.-New York Star.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
In the Caucasus.

Riding out one day, Mr.. Wardrop
passed a wine shop where three or four
Georgians were making merry. They
pressed him at nee to join them; he de-
clined; but as he returned from his N
cursion they camo out, hat in hand, and
presented him with a goblet, which he
could not refuse. "Whcn q Georgian is
merry" he says, Everybody else must
share his jollity or he is unhappy" He
adds, by way Of further illustration: 81
have seen u squire unnecessarily leave a
scene of revelrv for Il minute or two in
order to heap up food in his horses
manager, so that the faithful beast might
share tho universal joy" Wine drink
ing, idleness, and what they call muniii-
cence have not been ~salutary, and per-
hars the Mobiles bank. the literature and
the journals may help to modify these
excuses of virtue. In any case a little
more attention is paid to crops, and it
seems to be not impossible that, in time,
Georgian wine and tobacco may furnish
paying exports.-London Spectator.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02

Instruments, and particularly as all my
men cannot be counted upon to transpose
at sight"
But madame was obdurate, and Costa,
Struggling his shoulders, bowed in acqui.
escence.
Every well, gentlemen" said he, turn
ing to the bcwildered orchestra, and
closing his score. "To-morrow you will
play it Il note lower"
The next day, however, just before
Nine. Rudcrsdorf came on to sing, Costa
whispered to the orchestra: 'In the orig
inal key! No change" And SO it was
sung.
At the close of thcair the singer turned
to Costa and thanked him warmly.
II am charmcd!." she said.
"Madamc," replied Costa, with a touch
of pleasant irony, eve are also charmed.
You sang it in the original key"
Had Nine. Pudcrsdortf's car been rs
unerringly correct as that of certain phc-
nomcnal musicians the joke could never
have been successfully carried out, but
the conductor, of course. knew with
whom he had to deal.-Youth's Com
DauiOn.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
TennysOn.

A poet should never grow old-or he
should not let it be known. There might
be a secret league among the kinsfolk of
poets to prevent the discovery of the
date of their birth. Aged philosophers
seem in the natural order of things, but
tho man that writes of youth, love and
the fair face of nature, or tho passions
which rarely exist beyond middle age,
should never grow old. Lord Tennyson
at 80 does not seem as if lie could be the
poet, Alfred Tennyson, but the fact that
he was born OH Aug. G. 1909, is being
proclaimed by all the papers. The New
York Times says: "In combined length
and distinction there is in English litera-
turc no contemporary or recent parallel
to %Tcnnyson's career. "-Pittsburg Bull
lctin.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
t.apOpsy,

This is what you ought TO have, in
fact, you must have it, to fully enjoy
life. Thousands are searching for it
daily, and mourning because they tindit
not. Thousands upon thousands of dol
lars aie spent annually by our people in
the hope that they may obtain this boon.
And yet it may be had by all. We
guarantee that Electric Bitters, if used
according to directions and the use per-
sisted i'll, will bring you Good Digestion
and GUST the dens=a Dyspepsia and install
instead Eupepsy. We recommend Elec-
trio Bitters for Dyspepsia and all dis
eases Of Liver, Stomach and Kidneys
Sold at soc and $l.W per bo:de by ]. J.
Freeman, Druggist
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
He Didn,t Pronounce 1t That way.

An old fellow from the country, who
has plenty of money invested, some of it
in an uptown hotel of the family sort,
was approached on the first day of open.
ing it by a natty young mar with a de-
bonair smile.
"Have you any rooms en- srite?" he
asked.
"Any what?" inquired the new land
lord.
"Rooms en- suite"
"See here. young man, how many of
them are your" asked the granger.
"Just me and Mamie-I mean my
wife. We've haven't been married
long. She sent me around to see if you
had any suites"
"Well, you go home and tell her to
come right along. We've got plenty of
rooms, and when you and she are in
them they'll be too sweet for anything.
If we haven't got rooms in sweets we'll
have sweets in rooms. Come again.
young feller."-New York News.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
An Interesting Family,

Old Mrs. Baron Mure told me that Lord
Byron's mother was a fool and his father
was q rascal. He poisoned his first wife,
Lady Caermarthen, who was divorced
from him because her father, Lord Hold.
ernesse, left his money to her Legitimate
children, and he had nothing moro to
expect. Miss Gordon, though she was
told of this, and had a fortune of le3, 600
a year, married him. He spent all her
estate. saving about $50 year, on which
she lived with her son in a garnet at Aber-
deem, supported in a great measure by
her friends, who, when they killed a COW
or sheep, would send her part. She was
always fat. When Mrs. Siddons appeared
first in Edinburgh Miss Gordon took a
hysteric fitin the playhouse, chung round
Mrs. Mure's neck, kicked off her shoes,
and was carried out by Mr.. Dundas, now
chief baron, and put into Lord Napicr's
carriage, which conveyed her, screaming
all the way, to Georges square, where
she then resided with Baron Clark's
mother. Charles X. Sharpe.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Lucky Lslunders

Tho much maligned compositor and
proof reader have saved one newspaper
from serious loss. The Gazette de France
is the lucky sheet. Accused with sew
eral other papers of printing without au-
thority tho act Of accusation against
General %Boulanger, The Gazette escaped
or showing that owing to serious mis-
takes in composition and proof reading
the document it published was not a
true copy Of the act and that the offcnsc
contemplated by law had not becn com
mitted. The other papers whose com
p%ositors and proof readers were above re-
proach were convicted and fincd.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
A Scrap of Paper Saves Her life

1t was just an ordinary scrap of wrap
ping paper, but it saved her life. She
was in the last stages of consumption,
told by physicians that she was incura-
BILE and could live only a short time; she
weighed less than seventy pounds. On
9 piece of wrapping paper she read of
DR.. Kings New Discovery. and got a
sample bottle; it helped her, she bought
a large bottle, it helped her more, bought
another, and grew better fast, continued
its use, and is now strong, healthy, rosy,
plump, weighing 140pounds. For fuller
particulars send stamp to w. H. Cole,
Druggist, Fort Smith. Trial bottles of
this wonderful Discovery Free at j. j.
Fteeman's Drug Store.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
ONLY FOR AWHILE!

Dearie, draw your chair beside ME,
For | love to have you near,
And l have some words to tell you,
That you soon or late must heart
Closer, dearie, for the darkness
Seems to me to come apaco.
And, altho' the daylight fingers,
can scarcely see your face
Dearie, we have one together
Liv'd, and been for fifty years;
Fac'd the world, aud fought its battleA
Thro' its hopes and thro' its fears;
Now for one the fight is ending.
am first ordain'd to fall,
Leaving you alone, my dearie.
You. who are my all in all
Dcarie; stay those tears, | pray you.
Hard it is stout heart to keep
But to me It's. in this moment,
Harder still to see you weep
We ara only parting, dearie.
For awhile; there! take my hand
Kiss mt, for my soul is plumins
For the bright Eternal Land
Edward Oxenford in Young I.niy's Journal
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Reason Dethroned.

Judge-Did you ever notice any signs
of insanity in the deceased?
Witness "a member of the legislature)
WELL. once, when he was a member Of
the legislature, he introduced a bill that
wasn't a particle of interest to anybody
except taxpayers.-New York Weekly.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
The addressed"

The postofice department has recently
coined a word which will probably find
its way into the dictionaries. 1t is lad
drcssee" and signifies the person to whom
a letter is addressed. We presume it
will be equally applicable to the charm
ing young lady who is receiving the adj
dresses of a lover. It would work some.
thing in this way in such O case:
"Jones is paying his addresses to Miss
Smith,"
Indeed, is the addressee rich and
Observation-Disclosures Courier.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
Tells on Itself.

II wish l knew how to tell a good
egg from a bad one," writes a young
hounekceper; "thcy all look alike to
ME-" Look at 'em with your nose,
Clara, look at 'em with your nose. You
must be blind if you couldn't hear the
difference then.-Burdette in Brooklyn
Eagle.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
1t Is So If 1t Isn't So,

Father-My son, you must not dispute
with your mother in that way.
Boy-But she's in the wrong.
FatEer-That makes no difference; and
you might as well learn, my child, once
for all, tires When a lady says q thing is
40. it is so, even if it isn't so.-Pick-Me-
Up.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
CONSUMPTION SURELY CURED,

To THE EDIroR-Please inform your readers
that have a positive remedy for the above
named disease. by Its timely use thousands Of
shall be glad to send two bottles of my remedy
FREE to any Of your readers who have consump.
ton il they will send ne their express and
CUM. NJ. c. Isl Pearl st., New York.
sep. % lily.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02

Sir Edwin Arnold, the author of "The
Light of ASIA" has been made COM
manderof the Imperial Order of the Lion
and the Sun by the shah of Persia.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02
MANHOOD

How Lost, How Restored!
DIR. Culvcrwcll's Celebrated Essay on the rudi-
cal cure of Seminal Weakness, Involuntary Semi
nal Losses, Impotency. induced by cxccsscs, car
this admirable essay, clearly demonstrates from a
thirty years successful practice, that the alarming
consequences of sclf-nbuse may be radically cur
certain and c%ffcctual, by means of which every
sufferer, no matter what his condition may be,
may cure himself chcaply, privately and radical
man Send under seal in II plain cnvclop, post
paid. on receipt of two postage stamps 4c). Adj
dress
The Culycrwell Medicine Co.,
Al Ann St. New YORK, n. Y. Post Office Box $50,
Dec.S.1y. Established 1850.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02

80 lbs. of Baggage Checked Free. Fare always
as low as the lowest. For Time Tables. Through
Tickets, ETC., call upon the nea rest Ticket Agent,
or write 10 C.H. OLDR1DGE
Gen'l Tiki. s. Pass. Agt. Minneapolis, MINI.
The Dickinson press., 1889-11-02

Close connections madci in Union Depot with all
trains of the ST. Paul. Minneapolis & Manitoba;
Northern Pacific; ST. Paul & Duluth: Minneapo-
lis. st. Paul & Sault Ste. Marie Railways from
and to all points North and Northwest.