The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-05-25
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A new substance called kelgum
has been invented as a substitute for
rubber
-Alfonse-"Your cheek. Miss Daisy,
reminds me of the rose-it is so red"
Miss Daisy-"And yours reminds me
of the candlestick-it is so brazen.
Good evening""
Man about town-"That Miss
Eyer seems to be stuck on young
Jones'" Miss Eger's rival-"How can
she help it when she is covered with
paste diamonds? "-Jeweler's Weekly.
-''Why don't you listen to reason?"
growled out old Brown, in a per-
feet rage. "How do you expect me to
do that when you are speaking?" re-
turned his better half.-N. y. Sun.
"A domineering man said to his
wife: Remember, my dear, that you
are the weaker vessel" THAT may
be so," she retorted: "but I'll take
good care that you shan't forget that
the weaker vessel may have the stronger
spirit in it."
-Snaggs-'"I see an English physi-
clan has new cure which consists in
covering the patient with warm, fresh
soil" Jaggs-'I s'pose the beauty of
the treatment is that ne never has to
disiuter a subject. brakes Maya
zine.
1T is a fact worthy of note that all
the women elected to municipal offices
in Kansas this spring wear "Mrs." in
front of their names. 1t seems to re-
quire a matrimonial experience to de-
velop the governing instinct in women.
Kansas City Star.
In the parlor at 1890 a. m.-"Ex-
cuse me, Harry, papa is calling"
Certainly, Eveline." Eveline Con re-
turning to the parlor)-'Tm sorry,
Harry, but you'd better go. Papa says
he hasn't got a license for running an
all-night place. Chicago Herald.
Mr.. Grumpy-'I don't see why
you advertised for "a plain cook you
know l like little fancy dishes and
entrees" Mrs. Grumpy (meaningly)
Because I'll never have another good
looking cook in this house, my dear.
I'll attend to your fancy dishes and
entrees myself. Epoch.
AT the Mansion House ball. Mr..
Griggs (who has retired from the pro-
vision trade, and is ever so exclusively
IA very fine swarry, General, but a
little mixed, tyou think?" General
Tufts (who is also exclusive)-"Hang
it all, sir, you can't expect them all to
be cheese mongers. Pick Me Up.
Say. policeman" he said, excited
ly. why don't you arrest those two men
They have been talking loudly and
threaten to hammer each other into a
jelly for the last half hour" 80, don't
you worry about Them said the Off
Ger, they won't do any thing but talk.
They are professional prize fighters"
~ never play at another mans
game" said the president of tinan-
cially uncertain insurance company to
q travelling man on the train. That
is natural" What makes you think
SOP" Because it would take time from
year business of inducing other men to
play at your game. Merchant Tray
eler.
On a street car the other day the
passengers included two young ladies.
one of whom had returned within a few
days from a trip abroad, and did not
propose to have the fact unknown.
Proud Of the distinction of having Wis
tied foreign scenes, she RECALLED her
companion with her experiences. The
friend remarking the returned travel
er's hoarseness. said: You have Sc
we're cold, haven't you?" 20, yes"
responded the other, with the con-
seriousness Of enjoying superior dis
tinction, unlike the plebeian New En-
gland affliction, II imported that from
Germany. boston Budget.
NOVEL TIES IN JEWElRY.