The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1889-01-02
The ARIZONA KICKER.


The last issue of the Arizona Kicker
contains the following:
NEARING THE LIMIr-We have been re-
peatedly asked why we did lot open on
the G. d S. railroad for its slow time,
miserable old cars, rough road, high rates
and generally incompetent service. 1t is
because we have been expecting an an
nual pass from the road. We applied for
IT three months ago, but have heard
nothing as yet. We are nearing the
limit. If that pass is not here inside q
fortnight we shall sound our bugle in a
manner to make the officials of the road
wish they had never been born.
Nor Our NIGHT.-Major Rathbone
made made q personal assault on US last
Tuesday as We were about to enter the
Big Elephant saloon to interview the
prosecuting attorney in regard to the
Keller affair. We presume it was because
The Kicker of last week referred to the
major as liar and an abScOnder. We
presume it was, although he made no eX-
planation. A minute before he seized us
We felt like fighting. A minute after
wards we were on the run. There are
times when we can fight to the death,
and other times when we can outrun any
coyote in the glorious west. The major
happened to get US on our off night. or
he would otherwise have been reduced to
pulp. There is a good deal of winking
and chuckling around town, bat we don't
see anything toI laugh at. If we didn't
have our off spells we'd be q veritable
terror to the whole district. t'slucky for
Arizona that we were born that way.
ONLY Our WAY.-We understand that
Colonel Colfax feels aggrieved because
we referred to him last week as dead
beat bum who ought to be given dose
of White Cap medicine. The colonel
should not be so thin-skinned. It's only
our way of keeping track of the leaders
of society.
A FALSE ALARM.-A Chicago cores
pondent dropped in on us the other day
for a brief visit, and after showing him
our Washington hand-press, six varieties
of job type and two whole bundles of
print paper, we took him out for a survey
of the town. The news had gone abroad
that he was O Chicago detective, and it
was laughable to note the effect upon our
leading citizens. A dozen or more broke
for the saGe-brush, without stopping for
clean shirts, and so many others cut of
their whiskers or donned false ones that
we walked the whole length of Apache
avenue without meeting man we could
recognize at first glance.
While there is nothing mean about us
this is feature we are going to work
about twice a month on this town. II
will keep the boys unsettled and anxious
and may be the means of converting
some of them from the error of theiI
ways. It's an awful good feeling to fee
that you are the only man in town oi
5000 people whose liver don't kick the
breath out of him every time stranger
comes along and takes q second look al
the bridge of your nose.
WE CONE DowN.-We stated our belief
last week that our contemporary, which
is eternally Dragging about its increase
of circulation, did not print 80 copies
weekly. We were honest in what we sad
The old bristie-backed hyena who claims
to be editor and publisher sent for Us
yesterday to examine his books and figure
up his circulation. We made the as
founding discovery that he has bona
fide circulation of 163 copies. When W.
are right we stick to the limbs at al
hazards. When We are wronswe let g
and come down. We were wrong in thii
case. We come down. The HOlCIinl
Coyote and Weekly WtSh-WGsh vii
please accept our humble apology.