River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1889-07-04
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Fashionable life is as hollow and
as artificial as crystal optic in 4
mummy.-Boston Globe.
During hard winter the plumber
and the coal dealer usually have a soft
thing. Boston Gazette.
Ono curious thing about the sea-
serpent is that it is always some other
man that sees it.-Harpcr's Bazaar.
-Claim-jumpers are so unpopular
in Oklahoma that man who has a
jumping tOothache is regarded with
uspicioa.-Chicago News.
The girl with plenty of money may
be hOmely. but unless some one of her
Cir friends tells her she will never
know it-Journal of Education.
-Eccentricity is not a virtue. bet if
some men would only be eccentric
enough not To cross their legs in a
horse car, the world would forgive
them some of their other vices. -SOmere
vile journal.
Mr. , -''Waiter. take this stuff
away; I'd Just as lief eat so much gar
bage" Waiter (who has heard him
before) -''Yessah. But dar's no count
in for tastes, sab. Life
Miss Travis-"Don't you think my
new dress is too sweet for any thing?''
Miss De Smith-''O, lovely, exquisite.
l do believe your dressmaker coul[
make a bean pole look graceful"
There was something more than
bad orthogrey.y in Josh Billings
writings. after all Some fifty or sixty
ambitious writer's have cndeavored to
fill his shoes. but they only rattle round
without attracting any particular al
teutiOu Texas Siftings.
1t is stated that the touch of a
lovers hand restored a girl from a
twenty-fOur hoUr4' ,.Stack of hysteria- y"
Il is possible. 1t frequently happens
that the touch of lovers ha9d "a few
years after marriage throws woman
into hysteria- and it's a poor rule that
won't work both WAYS.
Deacon Godfrey What beauti-
full dispensation of Providence it is
that the mind Of man has been so con-
stituted that the memory Of pain and
trouble becomes fainter and fainter as
time goes on" DR. Bowless It's
pretty tough on Us doctors though.
when we come TO collect our bills. -
Terre Haute Express.
Mrs Malaise-"Doctor, | beg you
viii not deceive me about nv case.
Believe me, am prepared to hear the
worst DR. Bismuth well, then,
madame. frankly-thcre is nothing the
matter with you whatever You should
really try some other scheme besides
ill-bealth to excite sympathy"
A close observer has remarked that
when a man marries a good womaa she
devil turns his back on him, because he
has easier work elsewhere, and when a
man marries scolding woman the
devil turns his back on him also. be
cause he knows there is only one road
for him TO travel.-St. Louis Magazine.
-Foreigner-..Th may be a free
country, but | don't see that the free
dom has any effect on the people. Such
a patient, meek. subdued lot Of human
ity I never saw in my life. | should
think free-b0rn American would act
as if he were a monarch Of all he sur
veyed." Nativc-"Wait until you see
a passenger car brakeman who expects
soon to be a conductor " Weekly
A young lady broke of her engage
ment with a sutton when a Weather
lover appeared upon the scene. She
wrote to her old lover requesting him
to return her photograph. Iere was a
chance for revenge, which he took by
sending her the following note. Il
would gladly comply with your re-
quest. but ifI 10 it will spoil my euchre
deck l have a collection OF photo
graphs which / use for playing cards.
and do not want to break il By giving
away the queen OF diamonds. '-Waver-
lev Marazine