davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
The Classical Test.

Wonder if the young man Anderson
who has Just married Lawrence Bar
rett's daughter was able to 60 through
the required cateehism without trip
ping' An ambitious young man is
said to have once lost his souls delight,
the fair Miss B., as sequel to 3 dia-
logue which ran about as follows:
Mr.. Barrett-"Young man, are your
designs on my daughter honorables"
Young man-"Perfectly."
"You want to marry herr"
"Witt all my heart"
"Can you tell me, sir, can you tell
me who was Cato's father-in-lawf"
Didn't even know that Cato was
married. /
THAT settles it, sir. No man so ig-
norant as not to know whose daughter
Cato married can ever claim my daugh-
ter a. his WIFE,"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
Conversation.

1t was Sidney Smith who said:
''Talk as many half minutes as you
can get, but never talk more than 8
half minute without pausing and CIV
ing Others an opportunity to join. "
If the most brilliant talker of lis
age could thus advise, it is good for
commonplace people to follow. The
pedantie Macaulay, who was duly
second to his witty friend, showed
less tact than he. The monologues
of the great historian were apt to be
so tedious and continued that Sid
ney Smith spoke of a great improve
ment when brilliant flashes of ST.
lence made his conversation perfect
ly delightful"
To talk well presupposes alert in
telligence upon the subject under dis
cussion. Can you emit sparks?"
said the cat to the ugly duckling in
Anderson's fairy tale. The latter
was forced to confess his inability on
that point. But throw the cat into
the native element of the duck and
which then would be at home?
That minnie bah of wit that hits
the heart of the subject attacked is e.
gift of few; the least effort and the
shot misses. The wise will never
strive to force what must be sped un-
heralded if at all. 1t is special dis
pensation. For instance, that bu-
collie prebendary of St. Paups who
loved his jest as he he did his dinner,
one day saw Mrs. Grote enter the
drawing-room wearing a turhan of
bright, red velvet, 81 never knew the
meaning of the word 'grotesque' be-
FORE" he exclaimed to a friend by his
aids. Only the good humor of the
speaker kept the saying from harsh
ness which is the temptation of the
witty conversationalist.
On another occasion when 8 friend
complained of the temperature of the
cathedral, Sidney Smith replied, ''It
is so cold that the sentences are fro
zen as they come out of my mouth
and are thawed in the course of the
summer, making strange i'll noises
and unexpected assertions in various
parts of the church."
Yet there are those who may be
said to make conversation a profess
sion. The imparting of what mind
and heart have stored becomes g ne
cessity. Who would notgo far and
and fare simply, in order to listen to
the Corinne- like eloquence of Madame
de Staal in her Paris saloon? Or, to
hear the subtle, incisive, stimulating
monologues of Margaret Fuller, who,
with half-shut eyes and rapt face
poured forth the treasures of her
heart in order to bring out those in
Others?
There is a tingling, electric fire in
the impassioned human voice which
affects us like nothing else. Its I'M
dulations starting from one soul
without circumlocution reach anoth-
er. The tongue may utter false
hoods, the voice can not. 1t paints
pictures throbbing with life
and love srch as the artists brush
can never make. Instinct with keen
est melody or jangling inharmony it
brings us into vital relation with the
speaker. If we have will and strong
powers, we are persuaded
against our wish.-Good Housekeer-
ing.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

The reader may be led to doubt the
authenticity of this manuscript owing
to the elegance of its diction, which is
scarcely consistent with the fact tnat
MIR. Inkosikaasi, nee McGinnis, was
born far in the interior of the Fourth
Ward, but in reality he has received
an almost classical education through
daily conversation with myself. l fur
nish similar instruction by mail. MIR.
Inkosikaasi's manuscript is in the form
of diary. The last date is September
/. 1t is interesting to know that Mt
that time Mr.. Stanley had not suffered
any Of The numerous deaths which had
been melted out to him by the news
papers, but, as my correspondent OBJ
serves, "a man can die very suddenly
in the center of Africa, SO that the fact
of q mans being alive one minute
noed not prevent his relatives from
contesting his will the next"
pass over those passages in the
manuscript which describes the writer's
impression of the ocean because they
are too beautiful. pass at once to an
interview between Mr.. Stanley and my
correspondent, which occurred in the
wilds of the interior. It contains
bran new explanation OF the real pur-
pose of the expedition.
Aug. /. This is the first real oppor-
tunity / have had to interview Mr..
Stanley, but I've got him now where
he can't get away. A hippopotamus
has Just driven us both up q tree;
there is only one limb strong enough
to hold us, so we are necessarily quite
intimate.
STANLEY, said I, "now that we have
a few moments to ourselves, would
you mind telling me just what the
dickens we came out here fore"
Political considerations, my boy"
said he.
It beat anything I ever heard. I
know we used to meet emigrants at
Quarantine and get them up to the
polls in the old Fourth Ward before
they knew the difference between
Trinity church and Billy McGlory's,
but the idea of going clear to Africa to
influence the colored votel 1t busts
me. Twas on the point of asking him
on the quiet whether he was working
in the interests of the Republicans or
the Democrats, but at that moment
the hippopotamus knocked the tree
down, and in the confusion that en-
sued lost my opportunity.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
NOT ACCORDING TO oUEBNsBURY RULES

NOT ACCORDING TO QUEENsBURY RULES
Aug, Q. When joined Mr.. Stanley's
troop I suppose that we should have
our railroad fares paid out of the gate
receipts, but it appears that we've got
to walk. We've played to very poor
business lately, anyhow. Only seen
one niger in the last four days and he
was dead.
Aug. 4. Reached the native town OF
Jimmyneddy to-day. 1t is no good.
There is not a decent saloon In the
place. There is very little good chew
ing tobacco in this region and ! begin
to long for the gilded civilization OF
the Bowery.
Aug. z. For some days we have been
hearing of missionary who had set
tied Just ahead of us. He brought q
Bible and medicine chest with him.
Both his drugs and his theology were
of the rigid, old school type. Former,
ly when native was sick he went off
and sat down somewhere and swore
till he got well. They found that i
they accepted the missionary's Bible
they couldn't swear, and if they took
his medicines they couldn't get well,
so they had big dinner in the native
style. When we arrived the mission
ary was done to a turn and on the
table. We did not try him. but the
natives said he was good. They
wanted me for desert, butt declined.
Aug. Is. We have reached q better
country. The natives are friendly,
but their ignorance pains me. Many
of them have never even heard OF
Sullivan. I tried to oivilize them up q
bit. Yesterday I was explaining the
Oueensberry rules to the chief of the
tribe. and had just shown him how
John L. gets in his knockout blow,
when the Old fellow got mad at httle
tap on his bugle, and grabbing spear
about as long as q telegraph pole, he
chased me over the borders Of his
realm. This disgusts me with mis-
sionary work. .,
Aug. IA. I try to talk with the
principal people out here in order that
/ NAV get on to their way OF living.
Yesterday had an interesting inter
view with tiger. He appeared very
glad to see me. shall miss the por.
lions of my anatomy which he re.
moved but, never mind, if l ever get
back to the Bowery shall be worth a
blamed sight more salary as curio
than could ever have drawn with all
my arms and legs on.
ssMac," said Stanley, to-day, "one
New York paper says that we are
dead"
"Well, they aren't far enough out Of
he way TO make am kick about 1t,
eaid !.
From this point the entries In the
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

nading the principal street of the city
where he was singing, he thought he
would do little encoring himself and
see how 1t would work. He stepped
into hat store, found the proprietor,
whom he recognized as q patron OF the
opera, and asked him the price OF
silk hat.
"Seven dollars" was the reply.
The tenor selected one and paid for
it, and then ne shouted, "encore"
"What do you meanp asked the pro-
prietor, in amaZement.
Repeat the hat" said the tenor.
Certainly, sir" said the proprietor,
handing down another, an exact dupli.
cate.
The man with q voice picked them
both up and started for the door.
"Hold on, therel" cried the halter,
''you haven't paid for that other hat
II got it on an encore" explained
the tenor.
can encore?"
eyes, it's an encore hat. paid for
one and then I called for an encore
and got it. That's all right"
"But we dontdo business that way"
"You oblige us to, though"
Explain"
"Tres volontiers. You were ct the
opera last night, were you notH"
Eyes, l was there; but don't see
what that has to do with you getting
q hat for nothing"
'Listen. You paid to hear the
opera sung"
Certainly did. I'm no deadhead.
S'pose we call the two hats"
''Don't call them yet. You didn't
pay to hear that opera sung twice, did
you"
"How absurd! Certainly not. What
do you to twelve dollars for the
two"
"Say nothing until I get through. I
am the tenor of that opera troupe.
Nearly every arie that ! sang l was re-
CURED to repeat, and If l am not mis-
taken you yelled encore louder than
any one else. Metaphorieally speak.
ing, you were getting two hats-and
this caps the climax-for the price Of
one; sect"
The halter did see, and he wanted to
make the singer present OF hat to
set the matter even, but he declined 1t,
bowed and pursued the even tenor OF
his way.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

The latest acquisition to the Diplo-
matic Corps at Berlin is NJ. Cristies,
the new Servian Minister Plenipoten-
tiary, who, besides acting for many
years the private secretary of King
Milan, 10 further known throughout the
length and breadth Of Europe as the
complacent husband of the beautiful
Levantine who is the publicly acknowl-
edged mistress of the Servian poten-
tate. It is strange that Kaiser Will
helm, whose piety is such that it has
led him to prohibit horse racing on
Sunday in Germany, should have con-
sented to receive man of such motor
ious character at court.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

: N. KATE GENTRY filed at Washington
an application for a patent on a ''rem
edial cosmetic" She failed to Obtain
her patent because she parted her name
in the middle. The examiners held
that the signature was defective, as she
had failed to write her Christian name
in full. On appeal the commissioner
sustained this opinion. The law recog'
nizes but one name-the first one-and
unless that is given in full the sigma
ture becomes worthless from q legal
standpoint.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

HENRY M. STANLEY's real name is
John Howlands. He was born in
Wales, near the little town of Denbigh,
and his parents were so poor that he
was sent at the age of three to the
poorhouse of St. Asaph. When he was
thirteen he was turned loose to take
care of himself. He was well informed,
and taught school for while. He
shipped from Liverpool as q cabin boy
when he was fourteen, and reached
New Orleans. He was there adopted
by merchant named Stanley. who
gave him his name. Young Stanley
fought In the Confederate army. He is
now, II alive, forty-eight years of age.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

Mrs. LIPPINCorT, better known tt
the world as Grace Greenwood, says
she never was out and out woman
suffragist, because she was afraid of be.
ing called upon to make off-hand
speeches. Then again." she said the
other day, II had always so many irons
in the fire I burned my fingers with
many Of them; but kept on tending
them. I had enough to do. Still, ]
have always accepted and advocated.
BUT in my own way, the main princi.
pies Of the suffragists."
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

81 have used castor beans and poi
soned carrots to exterminate gophers
without success" writes a CORE
spondent to Dallas, Oregon. A rag
filled with sulphur and set well afirs
and then showed into hole, will gen.
orally smother gophers and prairie
dogs, or small potato may be cut
in two and dose of Paris green in
serted, and then strewn in the bur-
rows. Bisulphide of carbon, poured
on a rag and quickly poked down
the burrows, which are to be at once
stopped up, is usually effective. 1t
vaporizes quickly and difuses itself
through the burrows, being fatal to
life.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

to adjourn o camp meeting. She Is .
literary woman and female suffragist
from Boston, Mass, and Haggard as
sumed that she was 1000 years old from
her photograph and the amount that
she thought she knew. He received
these particulars from matrimonial
agency, and not desiring to accept the
chance himself, he wrote the novel as
. kind Of . complimentary reading no.
tics for . lone woman. asked the
chief de cuisine of the village where
She lives, why they kept her so long
when times were so hard, and he re-
piled that she was too thin to roast but
he hoped that in year or two they
could fat her up enough to make fair
SOUP" HOWARD FIELDING.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

ALEXANDRA DUMAS Is one OF the few
wealthy authors in the world. He has
a magnificent house in Paris filed with
art treasures. Near Dieppe he owns
a beautiful chalet covered with ivy and
decorated on the inside with handsome
furniture and rare paintings. Dumas
is sixty-four years Of age but strong
and vigorous. He wears short, scrub.
by mustache which gives him q
military appearance. His eyes are
bright and twinkle with sarcastic wit.
His figure is erect and robust and he
has nothing in his appearance that sug.
gests the man OF letters.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

A FIRE at Wayne, near Philadelphia,
last week destroyed the house OF Mr..
Robert McWade, city editor of the
Public Ledger. Mr.. McWade had
worked for years to secure his home,
which was swept away In a few mo-
ments, together with his library, etc.
Mr.. George w. Childs, the proprietor
Of the Public Ledger, with his charac.
teristic generosity, sent for Mr.. Nc
Wade and informed him that his house
would be rebuilt at once, that all ex-
penses would be betrayed and that he
need have no worry about his loss.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

DIR. w. J. HOFFMAN, Of the Burea,
OF Ethnology, has been authorized by
the senate to accept decorations of the
Order of St. James from the King o.
Portugal and of the Order Of the Bust
of the Liberator from the Venezuelan
government. 1t is to be hoped thai
the latter Order won't injure him.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

Ex-MAYoR CoURTENAY, Of Charleston
s. c., the earthquake mayor, argues il
his paper, the Charleston World, that
Florida's yellow fever was imported il
swift mail steamers from Cuba, anc
calls on the government to stop thi
steam communication during the sum
mer months.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

AMONG other petty insults to which
the widowed Empress Frederick has
been subjected by her eldest son is the
order recently published in the Of1icia
Gazette dcpriving her of the use of the
Imperial crown of her coat-of-arms, and
decreeing that in future she must con
tent herself with the attributes of q
mere queen of Prussia.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
All smutty corn or husks shoul'

All smutty corn or husks should
be burned. 1t is better to take pre-
canton for next year than to at
tempt to prevent smut by some
remedy. It would have been best to
destroy the affected stalks when
growing, but even now no traces OF
smut should be allowed to exist.
Seed should never be selected from q
field containing smutty ears OF corn.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
Little Three Year-Old's Story With Q
"MoraI."

A little girl, aged three, Informed
mother that she knew a beautiful story
about q giant Would you like to
hear 1t, mammal"
"Well, then" she continued, "once
there was a great big ugly giant, and
he was very fond of eating little girls.
One day as he was walking along
through the woods, he met two little
girls-one very good little girl, and one
very naughty one.
First he took bite out Of the good
little girl, and he made up horrid
face, and said she tasted awful nasty;
then he took taste of the bad little
girl, and he smacked his lips and said
she tasted dreadful nice, cause you
see, mamma, she had eaten nuts and
raisins and candy when her mother
told her not to, and that made her taste
sweet. Then the old giant said, III
FEVER again eat good little girl. III
always eat the bad ones.'"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

THE song of "Only a Pansy Bios.
son." was offered to a music publisher
for IS, but he refused 1t. Another Gag
erly snapped 1t up and sold 500, 00t
worth Of the song. Always offer your
songs for IS apiece if you want them te
become popular.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

was crafty
ing to him but
encores grew
tiresome after
a time and he
began to con-
slider it unfair
that should
be compelled
to perform
double W ork
every nigh t
that he sang.
He t b o u ht
these things
over until he
waxed wroth.
One day
IN
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
Both In Luck.

Uncle-Tem, you are incorrigible.
You do nothing but spend money. I
am glad you are the only nephew I've
got.
Nephew-That's what I say. ! am
very glad I'm your only nephew; other
wise there would not be enough money
to 70 around. We are both in luck.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

THE Shah of Persia is looking for.
ward to a great time in Europe. 1t il
to be hoped that he will do nothing
Shaking.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

Mrs. OTIs M. DOWNING, of Malta,
poisett, Mass, asserts that she made
1919 pies last year. As this is over two
a day Mrs. Downings pie-ty is not to DO
questioned
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

PIERRE LoRILLARD has gone south tc
hunt deer and fish for tarpon. He il
accompanied by his right bower, T.
Burnett Baldwin, the manager Of
TuYadO
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

OsGooDBY, now claimed to be the
"original" Murchison, is said to be a
plain farmer. He evidently views life
from different plane than most PEG.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

PRINCE HENRI D'ORLEANs, who is
now ''doing'' this country, registers
from Paris not withstanding the fac
that he and his relatives have been ex.
PEELED from France.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

PRINCE HENRY of Battenberg has
been appointed governor Of the Isle Of
Wight He has long been a very inter.
esting wight himself.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
A Reasonable Request.

Emily-Dear Charles, saw a dia-
mond ring yesterday. 1t is perfectly
heavenly. Can't you buy it for mef
Enthusiastically. heavenly, is IL:
Say Emily, why don't you wish for
something earthly
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
Every Evidence Of L.

Miss Guiless gazing fondly at her
father through the dining-room door,
Dear mel How sad pa looksi To
look at him, Mr.. Rounder, you would
never suspect him to be full of spirits,
would your"
Mr.. Rounder (critioally)-"Wsll, no,
not exactly full yet, but he will be very
shortly"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

JOHN L. SULLIVAN will elevate the
theatrical profession. He will bring
with him to the stage two famous dukes.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

DEcAMr is the unplcasantly suggest
i've name Of the president of the Gin.
cinnati Underwriters association.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

LAWRENCE BARRETT recently re-
marked facetiously that the core Of the
universe to the actor is the encore.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16

diary merely refer to the fact that it is
hot, and that walking is bad, up to
September /, when we lind the follow.
ING entry: ave have just discovered
the original of Rider Haggard's She
That story about her good looks -
apokher fake. She is homely enough
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-02-16
THE TENOR SINGERS REVENGE.

He was q tenor singer noted for tho
sweetness of his voice, and conse-
Quently favorite with the public. This
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1889-11-14
ASpERs = cHIEF srsT.cs.
Jadge Heyt Wins ssaa Sexen-Xear Ter
-0rgansEatten sf Ccnrt-

Jadge Heyt Wins sha Sexen-Xear Term
-0rgansEataen sf CenFt.
u1rxRIA. Nsv. l2-Tse h4szcs s0s long a1d
shcEE terms Of Ia&ees of sEpzesna soass sssnk
place totaT st the ofzee al Prooase 1isege Resox
JsAaee Jorn p. H5yt. of King ecnusy, won me
stnRae ieFGnryear term gndEe Iheaaoee L.
elaaess af Pierre ecunty, Ead SnSxe kslFsA o.
Dunhsr. OF kilekiIat. VISA the Hee-yiAr terms.
Judge Eizaon Sc0ss. Of Garfield, zEd gu1Ee
Ihosnes ]. AnaeEk. cf waila Nasia wea tAe
fhyee-ye2r terms either s<ogf oS Anaesz belag
eligible te seieesson a chIs4 justice Ehe sngxner
re9aessea thai The Tofe he east Tor Aiteers. who
hszn9 nis senior Is better aease1 Is ID fhe enslr.
Accordingly A1a0EFs vas 40 elected
sol sIalfn. Df kIiekfs2t was eIeese3 clerk ct
tie eoEEz- Organization wss vsnpakteA BY TIE
adoption q the rules os procedure 81 sle taxTf-
torsAl eours. Rk far IS they are sppsiesisss, and
eEs3eck 20 change ~ anY time. The uoa-z vii
Ineef on toe hfss Mon<isy IN 5anuzxT. ise0
ne DHzzneF 0f casting lots hy the live sHdges
Vas - fellows. Prunase Judge Raot wrote thA
seasE on fse slips q paper On nse -seFsa
years, ca twu TAo ycags, ard on two sliFs
tnree years. and rsace3 each nusshSr IL =
separate eaFciope- IneH. going ons nF the room.
be put them IN bat and shack taeEa ssicr.
euEhiy. He retained and pzsse1 the has 20
stiles the fiSxt - araw. followed ~ Sesff. AM
defS D.snhar and HGyf ID sssreexsics. TIE Lass
- draWs hort vas fae firs. - open his envelope
and announced thai he had drawn the long
term stiles. opening his. remarked thai Eve
Fears tezzn had been The eheice. AL seerzed
kxzlSs3ee
Allen Weir. secretary of state. fron Port
7oFasena, eeiag present. qualified asEoEs Judge
Root.