Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1889-05-03
Memory.

lDe StarllSnt OF the soul Is
memory. Bright pleasures, dark
regrets, and smiles and tears are
mingled in its misty pageantry.
1t is a benediction to the heart
that trembles true to duty's con-
slant pole. 1t is the raven of the
guilty soul, and croaks deep
incessant "nevermore." 1t is
sort of mystic chain between the
havens of the two eternities. 1t is
no wonder that SO important and
indispensable an attribute Of the
mind has at last claimed thera-
peutical recognition. There is
certain Professor down east who
proposes to put the most debili-
tated memory on it's feet in q few
days, no matter what manner OF
quackery has been previously
tried and found deleterious. He
guarantees to restore its old-time
appetite for words and incidents,
now too rich for its blood, in short
order. l do not Understand his
method exactly, however. Indeed
l have never seen sample copy
of his panacea. / can'tsay whether
it is II lotion, plaster or a tenie.
My strength does not lie in analyt-
ical chemistry, and | don't sup
pose [ could recognize ali tne in
gradients if they were under a
microscope. L know barely enough
about botany and chemical posi-
bilities to tell slippery elm from
belladonna or Crank's solution of
Mesmer. My memory is not what
it used to be. 1t don't get about
among the blossoms and briers of
the past with its old elastic tread,
and it seems as if it soon would
need spectacles. Lately it has
become much like scolding wife
always bringing up my faults and
frailties. [ have a large assort-
ment of shelf and heavy ,recollec-
tions. Some [ would be only too
glad to relinquish, some [ could
hardly give up, A few are like
the second edition of a picnic; but
no clothes-ringer this side of All
Whang Washee's establishment
could get the tears out of some OF
the rest. The very ones | fain
would discard are the ones that
prove the most tenacious. When
Cup the stream of Time l turn my
SAIL" those ve2atious barnacles
are ever present. But sweet and
precious remembrances-such as
are favored by June-time kisses
or Christmas champagne bottles
somehow soon get beyond the
limits of retrospect1on. Feeling
that it was my duty to look to
what little property L happen to
have in this world, I lately wrote
to the gifted Professor somewhat
as follows:
My Dear Doctor-EEaving seen
your advertisement in a number
of the papers, l have the kindness
to borrow from my friends, it is
with perfect faith and confidence
| address you. My memory is
puny, and rather off OF its base.
No acute malady, but just a
gradual loosing of its grip. Can't
rest well at night, and is anything
but like q young colt in the day
time. Never had an inclination
to go forward but seems more
backward than ever. 1t morbidly
yearns for something tartish;
nothing sweet will stay on its
stomach. | find it impossible to
reeollect before tomorrow what
| am going to do tonight. [ CAM t
tell you just what ails my memory.
but rather think ii is new tangled
sort of dyspepsia. To tell you the
truth, l am afraid it is not located
just where it should be. Most men
carr their memories somewhere
about the head, but mine seems to
lie near my spinal column. Proba-
bly, it causes the dorsal protuber-
ance which my friends consider q
fault, and are never willing to look
over. In boyhood, and energetic
CAD with voice like a saw-tooth
under file, could make me
recollect orders and instructions
which perhaps nothing else could
ever have recalled. This was not
mnemonics-it was, backmonics.
| realize too late that a good,
he-lthy memory IS useful as well
as ornamental, and [ might have
had one if | had never forgotten
anything. l would like to try
Your treatment, Doctor, and will
request you to come out and see
my memory. l can't think for a
m oment of risking 1t by mail in
these days, when train robbers
and great detectives are playing
hide and seek SO much; and as to
bringing it to you, tnat would be
out of the question, as | might
forget my destination after start
ing. Ii you will come and cure it
for me, | Will pay you next fall
oftar callinr NV, ,oto4oo, @b,{ -.