Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-11-29

Charlie Thorne. Everything about th 3
place brings back to Rob" the memory OF
his old friend, especially the welcome that
Ihorne always had Tor him when he got
home. ThOrne was always there first, con-
cealed behind a big tree near the door.
When the proper moment came he would
spring forth like culinary Roman, with a
breastplate made of tin pie plates, a helmet
consisting of a tin milk pail with the bail
under his chin, armed with a rolling pin,
and, shielding himself from attack by
means OF a bright tin dishpan, he would
burst forth, and alter a ShakSpearean howl
of welcome, he would suddenly cast away
his armor and execute a breakdown on the
At one time Robson was playing the
Gravedigger and Mr.. Forrest Hamlet
When they came to the burial he noticed
that the priest spoke rather thIckIy and his
feet were balanced doubtfully on the edge
of the grave. He seemed to be q little
mixed as to whether it was Ophella's grave
or a drunkard's grave. II it were the lat
ter he seemed to have serious notions OF
filling it himself.
Mr.. Forrest noticed it. AS well as I can
recall the words they were about as follows:
Priest-Her Obshkies have been sho far
n'large ez we have Warrantish-
Forrest On q low grOW) Most id in
toxicated and Improbable ass! Speaking
piOus words in the most impressive scene
ever written or portrayed, you, sir, balance
yourself upon the verge Of a property grave
and with the helIish OdOr OF rum about
your garb. with eyes like the dead. yet elO-
quent Goldfish you sirrah, essay to pro-
nOQnce the Obsequtes Of the fair Ophelia'
PAIL
Priest-Her death was doubtful and but
tn great command O'ershWayd tn order.
she should in ground Unshanctified here
lodge till astrump ish played.
Forrest Gn a suppressed rumble like dis
tant stage thunder) oh, YiIlainOUs and
most pesti' erOus priestl Gould I but get a
hack at thine own Obsequies, how iOyfully
would pronounce them. And thou, churl-
ish priest seeking to support the noble
Forrest. when, beshreW me, thou canst not
support the giant Jag thou hast concealed
about thee. Out upon thee, thou maudlin
shoemaker, thou deeP-VOiced ass, with
naught to recommend thee but that cursed
dignity which is, and ever was, the DEVILS
disinfectant for q mOss-grOWn mind.
Priest-FOr SharitabIe prayers, shardss
fints and pebbles should be thrown at her.
yet here she's allowed her virgin Grants.
her maiden streWments and the bringing
home Of bell n burial.
Laertes-husJ there no more be done?
Priest-N' more be done. You bet. We
should prOfane shervice of dead to shing
requium and shuch sings to her you know,
as to preach parted shOles (hfc).
Forrest (sOttO YOce, also aside oh,
most successful and profound inebriate,
thy work is done. The fair Ophelia can be
the recipient of no deeper indignity. Bogus
and most rocky priest, hell could not spare
thee If it knew thy worth. Oh, full Orbed
ass with tallOWy pate. odds pettikins that
ments DER the mammoth jag and then
come here to hic and bray above the grave
OF fair Ophelia. BegOne, dull knave, I bid
thee tarry not, for at the pOstern thou wilt
find thy quittance and thy salary. In ripper
years when thou dOst almost have a