The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-07-11

| ''SiiCiOuos -DOOtOH ITuHSCIIDIs
| Jones, who is an everlasting talker.
was recently inveigled into betting 81
that he could keep his tongue still two
hours. Forty minutes had scarcely
elapsed when Jones shouted out in great
glee, Three cheers The times half up"
DIR, George B. LoriDg, our minister to
Portugal, has been commissioned by the
New England agricultural society 10 try
the txpe riment of grating barbed wire
on the cork tree with view of produc.
ing cOrk-scTewa at reduced rates,-NeU
York Sun.
Gold, cough, coffin Is what philoso-
piers term "a logical 8, quence. One it
very liable to follow the other but by
curing the cold with a dose of Ayer's
Cherry Pectoral, the cough will bt
stopped and the coffin not needed-just
at present.
"Oh, papa" SAID a vivacious East Lib
erty girl, 1--WE want good name for ouI
young ladies' club. Can you think OF
me at once significant and appropriate p
"Well, don't know" replied the old
man, chow would 'Giddy 'uns' Band do?''
-PittSburgh Chronicle.
| A Boston woman asked if the late lu-
mar eclipse was partial or impartial
That is something on a par with the
young New Orleans lawyer who was tax.
ing testimony and asked a witness i
certain articles in question were valuable
or invaluable Hustler.
Tried and True
Friends are scarce, but if you are suffer
ing with that horrible disease scrofula
you will find Sulphur Bitters will cure
you as it did me, after suffering eighI
years, and paying out hundreds of dol
lars to doctors and druggists.
Hanscom. Troy, N. Y.
Visitor-"W Who's your wifes doctor
uncle ?" Uncle Silas-"Oh, she allus hat
one o. these ere blamed prohibilionists. y
Visitor-"Why, what do you mean ]
thought she was homeopathic. Uncle
S las-"Wall, I amounts ter the SAINT
hing, they don't neither on em b'lievt
n takln' hin.'-Judge.
Wit John, am sure young Spoon.
more is becoming serious in his atten
tions t. our Susie" Husband-"Non.
sense What makes you think 80 ?" H,
". ars new necktie everytime he comes.
| Do you think Susie cares anything foI
him p II know she does. She hasn',
eaten an onion this spring, Tile Beacon.
Flossie is six years old. Mamma, y
she a,kcd one day, "if get married will
| have husband like pa ?" Yes" re
Dlied The mother with an amused smile.
And if don't get married will | have
to be an old maid like Aunt Kate ?
Yes" "Mamma"-after pause-''its
n tough world for us women, amt il ?"-
The Beacon.
ShilOh's Uatarrh Remedy.
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, a marvellous
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, cankeI
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment Of
these complaints without extra charge
Price so cents. Sold by ]. T. Shurtleff
Bennington.
Ted was invited out to tea with his
mother one day, and among other daip-
lies Il saucer of orange gelatine was SET
before him, 1t was a new dish to the
little fellow and he eyed it disparaging-
y minute, then said, very politely, "Ii
YOU please 'um, thank you. rather
guess you can have it tsck-it keeps
wagging so r'-Detroit Tribune.
Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint.
Is it not worth the small price of rs
cents to free yourself of every symptom
Of these distressing complaints, if you
think so call at our store and get a bot
tie of Shi'oh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
has printed guarantee on it, use &C
coriirgly, and if it does you no good il
will cost you nothing. Sold by John T
Shur left, druggist,
Prrfrc city satisfactory Have YOU any
work n punctuation p she asked at thu
look4tore. Sorry to say we are ius
out well, perhaps you could tell me
what want to know. What does 6
mark under word signify 2" That i,
o emphasize the word" "Oh-I see
Thank you" And as she passed out {
clerk heard her whisper to herself "AnC
James put five marks under the wore
Dear -
One Hundred Ladies' Wanted,
AMI 100 men to call on any druggist fol
free trial package of Lanes Family
Medicine, the great root and herb rem
edy, discovered by DR.. Silas Lane while
in the Rocky Mountains. For diseases
Of the blood, liver and kidneys it is 8
positive cure. For constipation and
clearing up the complexion it does won.
ders. Children like it, Every one prais.
ps It, Large size package, so cents. Al
Ill dru ggists.
The modern child is an analyst. The
small kid was playing with the scissors,
and his kindly old grandmother chided
him You mustn't play with the scis-
soIs, dear. knew little boy just like
you who was playing with pair of scis.
sOrs just like that pair, and he put them
in his eye, and he put his eye out, and
he never could see anything ever after.
The child listened patiently and said,
when she got through "What was the
matter with his other eye p
where did you buy your new dress,
Bridget ?" asked a lady in suburban
Rnxbury, the other day, of her newly
imported Irish Domestic. "At Push &
Pulls store on Washington street il was.
ma'sm," replied the girl. "'Push &
Pulls p queried the mistress. 81 really
do not recall any such firm in Boston.
Are you are not mistaken as to the name ?"
81 think not, ma am" said Bridget, con-
fidently "at any rate, that's phwat it
said on the door. Boston Herald.
Hay Fever and Rose Cold
Are attended by an infamed condl-
ton of the lining membrane of the nos
trils, tear-ducts and threat, affecting the
lungs. An acrid mucus is secretion, the
discharge is accompani ed with a burn
ing sensation. There are severe spasms
OF sneezing, frequent attacks of head
ache, watery and iufamed eyes. Ely's
Cream Balm is a remedy that can be de-
pended upon. Fifty cents at druggists
by mail, registered, go cents. Ely Broth
ers, Druggists, So Warren Street, New
York. q