The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-12-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

"Do you believe IN this VIII poWer!
Nothing is SO powerful; you just try
to break one that an insane old aunt
has made. Detroit Free Press.
It is said that Mataafa does not
blame Germany for not recognizing
him, for he hardly knows himself with
trousers on.-Sa'a Francisco Alta.
A writer says: 'Laziness grows on |
people" This information will sur
prise those persons who suppose that it |
grew on trees.-Norristos1 Herald.
Early Customer-"What's the price
of coaIp" Belated Clerk-''Don't know
yet Haven't had time this morning to
look at the thermometer. - NJ 7.
Weekly.
A correspondent asks us about husk-
ing bees; but we'd rather let some one
else talk-we never had any luck try
ing to husk them ourselves. Detroit
Free Press.
Araminty - you put your arm
around my waist so gracefully, George
George-"I have had lots of practice.
Twas a street-car conductor five years.
Epoch.
A fireproof pocketbook is one of the
latest inventions. 1t is probably in
tended to prevent money from burning
holes in the pockets of the owners
Boston Herald.
Dorothea-'.After all, what's in
namep" Polly (stitching industriously
on her wedding trousseau) About
fifteen thousand year, my dear. y
Munseys Weekly.
Teacher-"Wha is that letterpn Pu-
III "a 81 hat
is it that makes honeyp" Small Boy
(son of a neutrality-suspicious."
M Y. Weekly.
Lucy-"Did you know that our new
young rector is quite an artistP"
Sneerewell-'Ah, indeed! 1t is truly
refreshing to find preacher that can
draw Rtts6mrg Chronicle.
Temperance Orator-'.Last year this
city spent $9S.642.65 for alcoholic
drinks" Mr.. Spunjum-'Great snakes,
what lot of chances / must have
dir-Terre Ramte Express.
'.Did you hear of the snake up at the
museum that was trying to get inside
of itselfp" "Yes. They cali him the
dude anaconda, because he's such a
swalfow-tail. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Mabel-"What are you going to cali
your dog, JessieP" Jessie-'O, real
pretty name! I saw it in the window
of bookstore the other day-'Monte
sWho was the first man, TommyP'
asked the Sunday school teacher, after
explaining that our first parents were
made from the dust of the earth.
Henry Clay, ma'am. m."-Advaaace.
Criticus-..I don't think Badgeley's
flesh tints are good" Witticus-"No.
He should have got Mrs. Badgeley to
touch up those cheeks; she'd had expe-
rience with her own. ."-Harper's Bd-
ear.
Poor Apprentice Qoquitur)-"O, last
night had such a beautiful dreami
though that my masters wife had cut
her hand so badly that she had to lei
me butter my own breadr'-Ftiege'sdt
Blatter.
Robert Browning has written new
volume of poems. This is discouraging9
news for the Browning societies, which
have not yet unraveled half of the
mysteries in the old ones.-Paitadelphst
Inquirer.
Wickwire-"What are you looking
s.Somebody stole Yabsley's umbrella.
Wickwire...Butw why should that wor
nv youp" Mudge-'They stole it from
me."-Terre Hdute Erpress.
Miss Elderly-'I have just beer
gathering autumn leaves, Mr.. Oldboy.
Oldboy"-So I perceive, Miss Elder
ly. You have gathered them SO man
years suppose you do it autumn-at
ically. as it were. e."-1eras SJtinys.
Wiggings-ssThat girl singing no'
is dreadfully made up-false hair, falls
complexion, false teeth, and false notes.
Higgings- -.'She's the kind of whol
we would say that with all her fault
we love her still. ."-Hdrper' BGzdr.
julius Sniff (recovering from tt
collision)--'.Wat's de number OBJ d;
hackP" Sympathetic Bystander :
Want to sue the driverP" "Sue nu
fin! wants ter play policy! De hae
done killed my wife amt itp"-Bost6
Times.
A gambler was buried in Montana
week ago, and next morning an ancho
formed of playing cards, was found c
the grave. Somebody seems to ha'
thought the most appropriate way
deck his grave was to euchre deck
Philadelphia Ledger.
Bilks-"Come up and hear our ne
minister to-day" Nobbs-''No, thank
heard him once and have always I
gretted it." Bilks-.'Why, guess y
are mistaken" Nobbs-''Not bit
it; he is the minister who married us
-KeGrney Enterprise.
o,,s r.r,c boc 1of FOR thrpQ mi
utes without saying WORD. MI
Jones-''What are you thinking abol
Mr.. SquiggsP" Mr.. S. (rallying-,''
Miss J.e..Do you often think of yo'
elfP'-Detroit Free Press.
II thought the Longstaffes We
friends of yours" 30, no! My mott
rented house from them once a
couldn't pay her rent. They allow
her to stay in it a year free, and ths
how / came to know them. They
no friends of mine. e."-Soctety.
Mr.. De Brain-''Is the piano out
timer" Mrs. De Brain-''No. VIII.
Mr.. De Brain = "Elvira has
touched it for week" Mrs. De Br
with a troubled air)-t1 have mott
that. / wonder if she has deceived
and got married on the sly. ~.
Weekly.
Emma-"I guess you are little f
of Mr.. Boutwell,, aren't youP" Ne
IL don't know, what made you tn
so?n Emma-'1 noticed at the W
party last night that whenever he
q heart you always trumped, and
it."-Kearney Enterprise.
Impassioned Youth - -'tArabell;
love you! Will you be miner"
of To-day-'Come, come, now;
marry you, if you like, but I'm
going to be yours; you've got to
mine, and do as say, or you can
divorce for incompatibility. De
Advertiser.
Don't sleep with your mouth op
said Fred to his younger brother. s.
should breathe through your nc
..But don't know when my mou
open. What do you do when you '
up and find your mouth openp" ''V
T craf ond ShI1t