The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-03-31
SUNDAY SALAD.

There is good story going the rounds OF
the commercial drummer corps" and is
being told on Jim s. who. though of q
rather good-natured temperament, which is
| common among his class, yet is known as a
chronic grumbler. Nothing on this mum
dane sphere exactly suits him. The hotel
fare is too poor; the dessert too rich; his
steak is underdone, or too tough; or his
baggage generally turns up at the wrong
station or is delayed; or something else in
his affairs goes wrong. At recent con
vivial gathering at which jim was doing
out his reverses of the day. drummer
friend told dream. He said he thought he
had died and was in Paradise, and while
walking down Sapphire avenue, he met their
old friend jim, and this colloquy followed
Friend-Why, jim, old fellow, are you
here too! When did you arrive, and how
do you feel.
JIM only came up yesterday; and
don't feel first rate. In crossing the Dark
river l wet my feet, and climbing the golden
stairs l broke one of my wings, andnow you
see, Dick, after 1 get here safe my halo is
four sizes too large.
There are no flies on the governor; it is
too early for them.
= =
a picture of resignation Marshal Dyer.
Very few of the patriots lingering at
Washington will make strike; but they
will make home run just the same
Ogden is to have new daily morning
paper, the first number to appear early next
month. A building has been secured, the
machinery is being put in place, and every
thing needed is now ready-excepting edi-
tors. This is a refreshing innovation. As
a general thing, it is the trifiing considera-
ton of subscribers which is lacking; but
am glad that our Ogden contemporary
is not troubled with little thing like that
l have only one piece of advice 70 offer
this new bark upon the troubled waters of
journalism: that is, in your opening saluta-
ton don't feel called upon to say: eve
have come to stay" As far as memory
serves, this has been the glad opening cry
of every newspaper venture that has gone
under in Utah for the past twenty years;
don't use it; the public has come to eye it
askance, and it leaves no room to hedge.
In figuring up the next House of Repre-
sentatiyes, shortly after the November cleo
tion Republican paper had the name of
one man from West Virginia after which, in
were0the words rep, doubt
full" BY this time it is conceded to be
Dem. doubtful"
Ogden comes to the fore with one man
who would never listen to gossip concern
ing his neighbors, or give ear to the petty
scandals with which some communities are
beset, and he was never known to say an
unkind thing or utter an unjust criticism of
any living being. He is deaf and dumb.
Mrs. Parsons, the unterrified and unsub-
jugated anarchist, recently said in a speech
in Chicago that ''there must be revolu-
ton, peaceful or bloody, it matters not
which, The effect of revolutions is to
make widows, and it would seem that Mrs.
P, had about got her share
a female telegraph operator in an Indi-
ana town was sued for a milliner's bill re
Gently. Could she not properly be called a
dash-ing dOtter-in-law.
The Tribune says Judge Zane's heart is as
gentle as a woman's. Yes, it is as gentle
as some women's-Lpcrezia Borgia's, for
One Of the best and bravest Judges of
them all resigned his place here because he |
could get no protection from his country
for his court and went and took his place
among his country's defenders in the trou-
Bile before Vicksburg.- Let's see,
which one of the judges was it who did this
There was a Utah judge, remember, who
eft the bench for some reason or another
and went and took his place in some trench |
d. another, or was it gutter: 1t strikes |
ne it was gutter; and didn't he die there.
may have reference to the wrong Judge, |
out if SO, it all comes through the failure of |
-he Tribune to give the name of its Judge |
His name, Tribby, his name
Teacher TO a member of the class in |
what would you say OF |
lower with two pistils:
Bright pupil (eagerly)-I should say,
nam, that it was well heeled.
Some time ago twas reported that one of |
he whipper- snappers of the Tribune had |
aid the Tribune had given up booming the
erritory and had let that job out to THE
HERALD. At the time two facts were APP
,arent to all who heard the remark, first,
hat the Tribune admitted the superb
rity of this paper as an adver- /
ising medium; second, that the Tri-
unc was Matching some deviltry
hat would retard the progress of the ter
itory. But while these facts were fully
it remained for subsequent
developments to define the full significance
f the expression. This is what it meant:
The Tribune has in its feeble way advo-
ated for some time past here the inter
lent of hostiiities FOR the general good. In
to maintain this position we
ave been everlastingly scOoped by THE
IERALD. to whom we now gracefully yield
he palm. We have also incurred the dis
leasure of all of our old friends, and now
re are going to make it right with them so
ar as lies in our power. Henceforth we
re against prosperity, against progress,