Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-05-23

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DIDN'T KNOW THEY WE'RE LOADED.
Jack Tar Gas a salute comes from Fort
Wadsworth)-Say, young fellers, look
in your guns afore you fire, will yer
Some of them picnic parties has been
usin' tn muzzles fer refrigerators.
Puck.
HAD AN IDEA.
Father (who has given his CONSENT
hope young man that you know the
value of the prize you will get in my
daughter
Young an-Well-er-no, sir; 1
don't know the exact value, but as near
Us l can find out it's in tho neighborhood
of five thousand pounds.-LOndon It'd
Bit.
NOT THE RIGHT GHOST.
81 attended a spiritual seancc last
night, Bob"
"Did you9 And suppose you had
talk with ghostsl"
81 tried to have talk with the spirit
of Quirlby, but don't think l got the
right phantom"
"Why notf"
cit didn't strike me for a quarter. -
Nebraska State Journal.
THE COOKS FAULT.
Hungry Guest-Whose fault is it that
I am kept waiting so long for my order2
Waiter-The cooks, sab. The cook
don't like me this mo'ning.
''He don't ehi"
"No, sab. You see, didn't hab no
quarter to CUB him. Thanks, sab. I'll
go win his affections, sab. "-NelO York
Weekly.
WHY SHE wEPr.
"Charlotte, my dear, how is it find
you weeping Have you bad news from
your husbandf'
"Oh worse than that My Arthur
writes me from Karlsbad, that he would
die with ardent longing for me, We're 1t
not that he could gaze affectionately at
my picture and cover it with thousand
kisses every day.
''That is really very nice of him; and
pray is it that you are crying fort L
would give anything to have such a
poetic and tcntlerly loving husband as
you have !"
ssAh. yes, my Arthur is very poetical;
but let me tell you that, Just to try him,
slipped my mothers photo into his
travelling bag instead of my own, before
no started l"-Fliegende Blatter.
ROMANCE CONDENSED.
The room was dark, the maiden roso
To fetch mulch, she said;
But he persuaded her to stay
And make match instead.
DoEsN'r ALWAYS WORK.
"Tell me the company you keep, and
I'll You what you are"
"Wcll, keep the company OF poets,
most Of tho time"
"Thcn suppose you're Literary
man yourself"
.sNopl I'm a waiter at the Parnassus
Club. Life.
ENGAGEMENT ANNOUNCED.
"Clara. f" he whispered, ardently, edo
vou thini Won could bring yourself to
marry nc!"
"No. George" she answered with
sad smile. 81 couldn't very well BRING
myself: I'm so timid You might bring
me. though, George. "-Hdrper's BGsar.
POSSIBLE FATE.
Mrs. BIZ you had only listened to
Mr.. I'D have been talked to death
long ago.-JUdgs.
A PAIR WARNING.
Mr.. Twopease Injecting his double)-.
We'll. declare rubbing his eyes)' Is
that Won and is this met
The Other Fellow-Now, see mere, |
oretty soon You'll accuse me OF pelhs
Won. and then I'll lick you.
ATA NEW YORK CLUB.
Downey-You look tired, awl
Townev-Yes; been working eleht
hours. bwain work
Dowuey-What was It, Gear -.
Towuey-Inventlng ne" o"A'"'
twist, awl-Ep0ch.
HOW IT VAS USED.
A green chap and wife in a room IN a
0i' Z a Inner what is all this heap OF rope
r;la5 m hero by this winder
p'l ssb1neT-Ih hats one q these ire escape
'''. aSow Abner, do you know how 10
- = .;,s bonse ketches ire
"a sh Y = course 10. You Jest ne
-. ao m ~ # 70 a leg Of the bed and
. ~ .,l-e holt of the other end and Jump
l.sn ~, h ,Z.rinier.-7'enss SytlHgs.