Daily Republican., 1889-04-01
A NEW HAT STORY.

Probably the meanest trick that WAS
ever played on white man was played
last week IL this city, aud the fact that
there Is no vigilance committee here is the
only reason that the perpetrators OF the
trick are alive. A business man had pur-
chased n new sta hat, and be went into
ealoon with half dozen friends to ft the
hat To his head. They all took beer, aud
passed the hat around go that all could
see II. One of the mGanest men that ever
held o county Office went to the bar.ten-
der and had q thin slice of Limburger
cheese cut OIL, aud when the party were
looking at tue iresc0ed ceiling through
The heer glasses The wlckedest person
slipped tho cheese urder tho sweat
leather OF the hat, and the man put it on
and walked out. The man who owned
the hat Is one of your nervous people,
who is always complaining of being sick
and who feels as though some dreadful
disease was going to take possession OF
him aud carry him OIL. lie went back to
his place OF business, took OIL his hat,
laid II on the table aud proceeded to
answer some letters.
he thought he detected a emel, and
when his partner asked him II he didn't
feel sick he said he believed he did. A
clerk said 1t was evident tina: somebody's
feet needed washing. The man turned
pale and said be guesSed he would go
home. He met man on the sidewalk
who said the air was full of III issma, and
IN the street-cAr man who sat next to
him moved away to the end of the car
and asked him If he had lust come from
Chicago, The man with the hat said he
had not, when The stranger said they
were having great deal of small pox
there, aud he pJi,ed the bell and jumped
off. The cold Precipitation broke out on
the forehesd CT the man with the new
hat, and he took II off to wipe hts fore
head, when the whole piece OF cheese
seemed TO roll over aud breathe, and the
man got the full benefit OF 1t and he
came near fainting away. He got home,
aRd his wife met and asked him what
was the matter. He said he believed
modification had set in, and she took
one whiti, rs he took off his hat, and
said should think It had ''Where did
you get into III" said she. "Get into
itP' said the man; az have not got into
anything, but some deadly disease has
got bold of me, and shall not live"
She told him that II any disease that
emelt like that had got hold OF him, and
was to be chronic, she felt as though he
would be burden To himself II he lived
loug. She got his clothes OIL, soaked his
feet 10 mustard wAtsr aud he plept. The
hat was lying on the centre table, and
the children would come In aud get q
smell OF Il and look at each other with
reprOaohiul glances, and go out and
play. The man slept and dreamed that 9
smallpox flag was hung In front Of hii
house, and that he was riding in s
butcher wagon 10 the pesthouse. The
woman sent for doctor, and when the
man of pills arrived she told him all
about the case. The doctor picked VI
the patients new hat, tried II on and gol
sniff He said the hat WAS picked be
fore IL was ripe. The doctor and the
wife held y post norton examination OF
the hat, and found a slice of Limburger.
"Few and short were the prayers they
said" They woke the patient, and Ia
prepare bic mind for the revelation that
was about 10 be made, the doctor asked
him If his worldly affairs were arranged
In o satisfactory condition. He gasped
and said they were.
The doctor asked him II he felt "a
though be was prepared to shuttle Off
The man said that no had always tried to
lead different lie, and had tried to be
done by the came as he would do II him
self, but that he might have INSIDE a
mistake some way, and that he would
like to have q miuister sent for to take
an account of stock.
Then the doctor brought TO tho bed
side the hat, opened up the sweat leather
and showed the dying man what 1t was
that smelled 30 and told him he was as
well as any man in the city. Tie patient
pinched himself 10 see If he WAS alive,
and jumped out OF bed and called for his
revolver, and the doctor couldn't keep
up with him on his way down town. The
last he saw of the odoriferous citi-
zen he was trying TO brlbe the bartender
to tell him which one Of those pelicans II
was that put that slice Of cheese In bis
hat lining.