The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-07-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

NeW Orleans Hcayune.
Affection goes into bankruptcy when
it marrles for money and fails to get
it.-Ncso Orleans Pcayune.
Virtue is its own reward" The
principal and interest must amount to
a good deal by this time.-fucb.
A man without character is always
making fuss about having it vindi-
cated.-New Orleans Picayaaas.
A man who does not think as you do
is bound to be a rascal unless you are
one yourself. .-New Orleans Picayune.
If man can only make his story
improbable enough lie can always find
somebody to believe Someruilte
| Journal.
Geerge Washington was a grand ia
ther for country. In his case the of
flee sought the man.-Ncao Orleans
Pcayune.
Now that bustles are going out of
fashion, it is to be hoped that the In
dians will leave off their war whoops.
Puck.
St. Peter-Hello, there! Why don't
you come in? SANITY Shade (running
away : Not much. l just caught
sight of my wife in there.-Town
Topics.
Pay your bill twice rather than go
to law. There are as many lawyers
clamoring for the wrong as there are
lawyers clamoring for the right
Atch,son Globe.
| Russian fashion note: The Gar
has returned to St. Petersburg and
changed his winter suit of boiler iron
for light spring suit of cast STEEL
Washington Post.
Friend-I suppose you write when
the spirit movesp Poet-Well, yes,
that's about the way with ME, write
when the spectre moves. "The spec
tre of want. Yankee Blade.
"Why do you put that vile liquor
down your throat?" asked the philan-
thropist of the topper. Il am seeking
for-get-full-ness," said the topper to the
philanthropist.-1erre Haute E1preSs.
At the opera: Wilkinsby's wife
Why do they call the prima donna the
diva, George? Wilkinsby Il don't
know, unless it is because she isn't
afraid to jump into the high C.-Mun-
Sey's Weekly.
Mr.. Brown-Nonsense, child; there
is no such thing as ghost. Miss
Brown (emphatically)-I tell you, pa,
I've seen one. Mr.. B. Gncrcdulously)
Where? Miss Bin the play Of
"Hamlet. ."-Bost0n Courier.
Boarder Cracking an egg)-Well l
declare! Waiter (excitedly)-What is
it? Boarder-Why, this egg has a
double yolk. Waiter - Pooh! that's
nothin'-gen'lman's yistiddy had q
chicking.-DetroI Free Press.
Yabsley-I saw cute thing in the
paper this morning. 1t said the easiest
way to get rid of bore was to lend
him quarter. Wackwire-rm aw-
fully sorry. Yabby, but l haven't a
cent on me.-Ierre Haute Express.
Nervous old gentleman-Don't you
think it's dangerous for SO many peo-
pie to get in the ferry yboat at one timer
| Waterman-Dangerous. sir? Nota bit
on 1t. Why, they all paid their money
afore they started.-Funny Folks,
She-"I believe you know my neigh
bors, the Chesterfield BrownsP" He
"Haw~-well-a-I go to the house,
don tcherknow, and dine with 'em oc-
casionally. and all that; but I'm not
on speaking terms with 'em!"-Punch.
Mrs n. Peck-So you thought / was
an angel once, did you? MIR. N. Peck
Yep. Mrs. N. Peek-And you don't
think so now, ehp MIR. N. Peck
Nope. l still live in hopes that you
may be, though. -1erre Hau. Express.
A man in California has played 49,
1872 games of whist during the last
| tfty-one years, aud he thinks it is q
Wanton waste OF time for women to
paint long-legged storks and water
lilies on brass plaques. .-Norristown
Herald.
She-Do you love music? l am pas
sionately fond of it. He Gust intro
duced)-I knew you were. l watched
you the other night at the opera. and
the way your jaws kept time to the
music was a She - Sir?-Terre
Haute Express.
The young married boarder-I real
ly believe that Mrs. Smith thinks more
of that dog of hers than she does of
her poor little baby. The old bache-
lor boarder-Well, Idon't blame her a
bit He's nice, quiet kind of dog.
-Ie're Haute Express.
Chumler-'I say, Barker, thought
yosl said this watch was waterproof.
Here the works are ruined the first
time | got wet" Barker-"My dear
boy, l had that watch in soak for six
mouths before l sold it to you and il
didn't hurt it a bit. ."-BoSton Post.
Heard at the theatre-"Who is the
author of this play?" "Worth. l be-
lieve." "But here, how's thatP The
programme says Shakespeare" Eyes,
believe Shakespeare did have some
thing to do with it; but Worth has put
it in presentable shape" - Boston
Transcript
Young wife-I put a pan of cake ]
had just made on the back porch to
cool off, and a tramp came along and
stole it Dyspeptic husband-Are you
sure it was a tramp who stole it?''
"Yes; why?" 80, thought it might
have been an escaped lunatic. Ian
Eee Blade.
Wibble-"DId you ever know any
ones hair to turn gray from sorrowP''
Wobble-"Can't say that l did.
have often seen an old widower's hair
turn from gray to black about seven
OF eight months after burying the
partner of his joys and troubles. y
1erre Haute Express.
Spectator Ito defendant)-Well,
guess the jury will find for you. The
Judges charge was certainly much in
/ your favor. Don't you think so? De-
fendant (moodily)-O, l knew all
along that the Judges charge would
be all right. It's the lawyers charge
that's worryin' me.-Detroh Free Press.
Theatrical manager (despondently)
Il am undone! Wife-Mercy! Has
the theatre burned down? Worse.
That new play on which l spent so
much money contains such fine moral
lesson that the preacehrs are advising
people to see it. Now it won't draw
enough to pay the ushers. ."-Neo York
Weekly.