davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
Her Patron Saint Was Uncle Sam

From the New York Sun.
Mrs. George Muller, who recently
returned from Munich, related the fol-
loving story of her experience with
the police while there:
II, like other tourists, were mott
fed to appear before the officials to
state my business in the city, how
long / intended to remain, and
many other, as l thought, imperti-
nent questions. When l told them
that my given name was Donizetti
they stormed and took on dread
fully. They would not believe that
my father had named his daughter
after the celebrated Italian must
clan.
'The next question which as
founded me was, "Who is your pa
iron saint?"
=" we are not accustomed to hav-
ing patron saints in America, said I :,
which statement | could not per-
suade them to believe. Their per-
sistency was SO annoying that Icon
Guided to have a patron saint for the
occasion, SO / finally said:
I" My patron saint is Uncle Sam.
"This was quite satisfactory, and
it was solemnly recorded opposite
my name.
"a few days alterward, some one
well versed in American affairs, was
looking over these records, and he
laughed so immoderately at my pa
tron saint that it upset the officials,
who demanded an explanation,
which was finally given.
"My most singular saint and my
peculiar name were too much for
the Germans, who sent for me and
ordered me out of the city. Fearing
similar fate elsewhere in their empire
I returned to New York as soon as
possible"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
Mean but Business

The champion mean man has been
found in Vermont. A young lady
went into a dentists Office a few days
ago. and had her teeth examined,
the doctor reporting them badly de-
cayed, but by quite an outlay of
money he could put them in good
shape. The young lady departed,
saying she would report to her hus-
band and call again in a few days.
She did so, and on her second call
she was accompanied by her father,
the latter telling the dentist to go
ahead with the job and hewouldpay
the bill. Thinking the dentist might
wonder why he was paying the bill
the father explained that the hus-
band had said his wife's teeth de-
cayed before he married her, and he
was not going to pay for fixing
them up; Der father ought to do it,
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
SAthern,S Joke.

"Were you acquainted with Soth-
ern?" was asked of John Toole, the
aged English comedian.
"Dundreary? All, yes! He was the
most amusing creature on earth.
You remember that absurd trick of
his, when he asked eighty people to
supper, and wrote private note to
each man beforehand to ask him to
be so good as to say grace, as the
chairman was unavoidably prevent
ed from attending the dinner. The
faces of those eighty men when they
rose in one body, at the tap on the
table, which Sothern had severally
informed them was to be the signal
for grace, must have been sight
indeedr'-San Francisco Chronicle.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
He Had Seen 1t.

1t is difficult to dwell in love and
amity with the man who inevitably
caps your best story with the re-
mark, Eyes, I've heard that before"
and who invariably has seen in the
paper whatever opinion you have to
offer upon any of the momentous
questions of the day.
Upstir was one of this kidney. He
had exasperated Fogg repeatedly,
until forebearance had ceased to be
virtue; but Fogg was pretty hard
on Upstir when he did strike back
though, to tell the truth, Upstir
hadn't sense enough to know what
a rough handling he was getting.
But we anticipate.
Fogg-1t is remarkable fact that
cattle, when exposed to the weather,
invariably face the wind, which if
they turned their backs to it would
blow under their hair and chill them.
Upstir-Yes, l saw that in the
paper last evening.
After an interval Fogg has some
thing to say about the tariff.
''Say what you will, no system Of
impost duties can be permanent
which does not recognize the rights
of the masses"
Upstir-That's just what Blenkin-
sop says in his treatise on CONNER
cial Equities"
Fogg with evil in his hearD-
When George Washington arrived on
the field of Waterloo the First Michi-
gan cavalry, which was nearly deci-
mated, reformed spontaneously at
the sight of their beloved chief, and
in an incredibly short time they had
driven the Paynim host into dire
confusion aud took several thousand
prisoners, including the renowned
cavalier Kosciusko.
Upstir-Yes, that is word for word
what Bancroft says in his history.
Fogg-And speaking of cavalry
reminds me that it is the custom on
the plains for the men to ride with
their faces to the horses tails, in or
der that the enemy may not adj
vance too closely to their rear.
Upstir-I saw that in the paper
the other day.
Fogg-It is q very interesting fact
that on the plains the men frequent
ly become lost in the thick forests
which everywhere abound; o squad
ron of horse has been known to wan
der for years, without food or water,
vainly endeavoring to extricate
themselves. The trees on the plains,
you must know, grow to an immense
height and are so close together that
it is impossible for a snake to pass
between them. 1t will therefore be
seen that the men, as they wandered
through these impossible giant
growths, must suffer untold agony
from the sun, which beats down up
on them numerically.
Upstir-What a memory you have
Mr.. Fogg! You quote from Park
hams Great West" almost verba-
tim.
Fogg had his revenge and the rest
of the company were scarlet with
merriment; but Upstir was quite un-
conscious of the fool he was making
of himself. On the contrary, hegrew
prouder of himself every moment.
What is the use of trying to stab q
rhinoceros to death with a tooth
pick?-BostOn Transcript.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
The Best Short Poem.

We knew it would come to this ut
last. Somebody in the Rochester
Post Express has been speaking of
Father Prout's "Bells of Shandon"
as the first short poem in the English
language. 1t isn't English, it isn't
good, and it isn't short. Kit North
himself, might have ratified it off.
Why dosen't somebody, with the
"Noctes Ambrosian9" in his mind,
suggest: Come, draw me six mag
NUNS of claret," and then, when all
is done, turn to thesonnets of Shake
spere? In the Sonnets of SHAKESPEARE
will be found the best short poems
in the English language.-New York
Commercial Advertiser,
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

began to arrive at the office of pub
lication asking such faithful ques-
tions as these: "What became o!
the lovers? Did they dry up and
blow away? Did the buzzards feed
upon the form of the lovely Angel
ina? Did some one let rope down
from the top of the cliff and pull 'em
up? For heavens sake what became
of them?"
"These letters accumulated SO fast
in the office that the publishers ask
ed my friend for another installment
of the story, which he gladly wrote.
the concluding sentences of the last
chapter being as follows:
"The long night passed slowly
away with leaden tread. The east
crn sky began to flush with the first
beams of morning light. Outlined
against the feecy clouds Angelina
could see n faint speck about as big
as u door knob. The speck gradu-
ally grew larger as the two lovers
gazed hungerily upon it. 1t was
their long-lost balloon. A favoring
gale from heaven directed the ball
Don to the cliff, and it was waited
against the face of the cliff. AS it
came nearer and nearer to their rest
ing place Algernon said, in u husky
whisper.
"Now Lena, my hearts love, jump
when l iump!'
They jumped and chung like spid-
ers TO the netting until Algernon had
descended to the car. Then, like the
hero he was, Algernon rescued his
darling one from her perilous post
ion, and laid her upon the floor OF
the car.
"Higher and higher the balloon
rose until a band of Indians who
were watching it saw it gradually
dwindle down to the size of an apple,
then faded away until only a speck
like the head of a pin remained, and
then was lost in the shadowy realms
ofspace.'
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
English.Speaking Nations to the Front

English.Speaking Nations to the Front
1t takes a young nation to flash out
new ideas. New Zealand. and Aus
tralia are even in advance of the
United States in this respect. The
Premier of New Zealand at a public
banquet, speaking on the Samoan
question, predicts league of all
English-speaking nations for united
action in carrying forward those
ideas that characterize our civiliza-
ton. He bluntly tells England that
she must show herself capable of
leading such a league OF the English
colonies of the world will circulate
about the United States rs centre.
This is plain talk; but it is in the
spirit ofthe age and of Anglo-Saxons.
The leadership of England is an inn
possibility with her average living
statesmen. Apart from Gladstone
her statesmen of the eighteen CEN
tury-Pitt, and Fox, and Burke, and
Sheridan, as well as Canning, Bright
and Brougham-were in advance of
the present rulers.-St. Louis Globe.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
times exposed by your thoughtless-
ness and disobediencel
Ttu<~ ,,.sn,,kr S ~ ssaI

uiuioo cApOSou ny yOuh ehOu5As
ness and disobediencel
Two minutes passed.
More than one lady in the crowd
tainted, and brave men who faced
death on battlefields turned away
their heads and burst not watch for
the temperance of the heroic boy.
Aloud shout proclaimed that he had
reappeared in safety. Once morc
there was rush to his assistance,
ard as he emerged bearing, alasl the
corpse of his school fellow, it was
seen that this time he was almost as
helpless. He shivered from head to
foot, his teeth chartered, his face
was deathly pale, his lips blue, his
eyes closed. Scarcely had he reached
the bank than he dropped lifeless at
his mothers feet.
All, my readers! unless you KIN ow
what's the affection of o mother
who loves but her son, cannot de-
scribe to you the anguish of this
woman.
She found her voice now, and in
her turn cried out, piteously: "My
son! My sonp'
She threw herself upon him, rub
bling his body, breathing into his
lungs, calling on him to open his
eyes, to speak to her-but one word!
1t was not in vain. The seal that
death seemed to have set on his eye
relaxed; they opened, he feebl y press
ed her hand, he murmured "Moth-
erl"
That one word was enough. She
heard it and swooned away. Her
boy had returned to life at the sound
of that beloved voice beseeching him
to live.
By this time all that could be donefor
the recovery of these boys was ready.
Hot Blankets were provided, doc
tor had been found, the patients were
carried into the nearest house, and
there was no lack of hands willing.
nay eager to assist. But no effort
could recall life into the body which
had laid longest under the water.
and one mother left that house with
an anguished heart. To the other
it was given to thank God that her
Hyppolite. her only child, had risked
his life like hero and had been pre-
served to her.
The story of Hippolyte's courage
spread fast. He was admired, prais-
ed, visited. All France heard of the
noble and unselfish conduct of this
boy who had been called a coward,
and as the medal usually given to
those who have saved lives from
drowning seemed an insufficient re-
ward in this case, he was presented
with a cross of the Legion of
Honor, that distinction so eagerly
coveted by every FreDchman, which,
perhaps, was never before bestowed
upon a school boy not yet in his
teens.
There were many who envied Hip
po9yte Lefort the glory ofthis brave
action; but, perhaps, they did not
know that itcost him suffering which
lasted ali his life. He, who had been
SO strong, became subject to pains
and weakness, anG sometimes his
limbs lost all power and were be-
numbed like those of q veteran who
had survived the fearful trials of the
Russian campaign. But no one
could ever again reproach him with
fear, him who bore the traces ofsuch
wounds. Noble and blessed wounds
are these which are gained in saving
the lives of ones fellow-creatures-
nobler and more blessed than those
suffered in destroying them.
In such battles, as these sacred per-
lis, God gives us oil strength to be
brave.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
The Dreadful and Ridiculous Thing.

Il 70
The following is an extract from
an editorial published In 1895 in the
John Bull, a London newspaper,
when railways were just coming in
to existence:
'Does anybody mean to say, that
decent people, passengers who would
use their own carriages, and are ac-
customed to their own comforts,
would consent to be hurried along
through the air upon railroad
from which, if a lazy school boy left
a marble, or q wicked one a stone,
they would be pitched off their peril
Gus track into the valley beneath; or
is it to be imagined that women who
may like the run Of being whirled
away on party OF pleasure for an
hour to see sight, would endure
the fatigue and misery and danger,
not only to themselves, but their
children and families, Of being
dragged through the air at the rate
of twenty miles an hour, all their
lives being at the mercy of tin
pipe, or a copper boiler, or the
accidental dropping of a pebble on
the line of the way? We, however,
go farther, and denounce the manil
as destructive to the country in a
thousand particulars-the whole
face of the kingdom is to be tatooed
with these odious deformities; huge
mounds are to intersect our beauti-
full valleys; the noise and stencil of
locomotive steam engines are to dis
turb the quietude of the peasant,
the farmer, the gentleman; the roar
ing OF the bullocks, the beating of
sheep, and the granting OF pigs, are
to keep up one continual uproar
through the night, along the line
of those most dangerous and dis
figuring denominations. The loss
of life upon this favorite toy from
Liverpool to Manchester, continues
this gentleman, has already been
terrific. Mr.. Huskisson was the first
martyr to this favorite absurd.ty;
and the last splendid exhibition took
place only on last Thursday,
upon the new tom-foolery to
Greenwich. when in the outset by
some accident, one of the carriages,
in which party OF noodles ventured
themselves, was thrown off the rail,
but although it ran a vast many
yards, no serious accident occurred.
How lucky! Nobody killed the first
day of the trial. Nothing to us can
be much more ridiculous than
Greenwich railroad The distance
from London to Greenwich is about
four or five miles. Get into a Green
witch coach at Charing Cross, and in
about three-guarters of an hour you
are landed. Go by the railroad,
which is to begin at the foot of Lon
don Bridge. on the Surrey Side, it
will take indefinitely More time to
walk from Charing Cross, to mount
the ridge in the Borough, and be
steamed along at the hazard ofyour
life to get to the ship, than it would
to have gone by the regular stage
from the Salopan, and have half-eat-
en- your whitebait. Cui bono the
railroad?"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
Indefinite Stories.
New York Evening Sun.

New York Evening Sun.
Speaking of flash literature re-
minds me of a deceased friend of
mine," said Bryan McSwyny yester-
day. "The person was engaged in
writing a serial story for well-known
weekly paper. The story had run SO
long that the publishers wrote to
my friend to bring it to an end in the
next installment. He did SO in the
following unique manner:
"The balloon rose slowly from the
foot of the cliff, humping along the
face of the rock as it did so. An
gelina, frightened at the prospect o
the perilous journey ahead when the
balloon was 1000 feet from the
ground, jumped recklessly out upon
The shelf OF rock which projected
from the face of the cliff. Frenzied
with fear, Algernon followed his love,
and the balloon sailed away. Alger-
non clasped the lovely maiden to his
heaving bosom in O passionate en-
brace. The shadows deepened, and
night fell like black pail upon the
scene.
"Will you always love-me, Alger--
non?" said Angelina.
''Till death, darling" was the re-
THE END.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
An IcicIe 1000 Feet Long,

A volume of water unusually large
for this season ofthe year is falling
over the perpendicular wall at the
head of this canyon, about an even
thousand feet in height. The falls
are encased in a great tube of ice,
which, when the sun strikes it, looks
like a gigantic column of crystal,
standing upright against the preci-
pice. Within, the torrent fumes and
boils with q deafening roar akin to
thunder. Homer Index.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

The boys in Atlanta gave Gov. Cor
don severe snow-halling rs he was
going to the capital few days ago.
The governor begged hard to be let off.
but the boys said no. One boy said to
him: 1--WE can't let you of, governor.
As you haven't done any running since
"a you'll have to hustle. And the
general hustled, while dozens of balls
took him in the back of the neck.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

Miss WNIFRED HowELLs, daughter
Of w. ID. Howels, whose death was an
nounced few days ago, was born in
Venice when her father occupied tho
position Of United States consul there.
1t is said that her early training was
wholly italian and that when she re-
turned to this country she could not
speak English.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
thEsEST AND FUTURE.

took her lily hand in r;rs
(She Is nv hFstir That in to BIZ
And slshpesi Upon that hand divine
A G3l,ien circlet fair to see.
Oh, sweetest time of love and youth!
Oh. eyss that no dark future scani
Oh. lovers VOWS ard lovers truth
Owe shekels to the .ieweier mani
She viewed the rebies blushinS red
With gr"eious g'a noes sweet to see,
u fear no future, dear, she said,
"The present is enough for me-"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

HERE is Oscar Wildes latest. He
CHANGED to call on a lady who had just
purchased number of Japanese
screens, which were standing in arts
tic disorder in her drawing-room. "You
have come just in time, Mr.. Wilde, "
she said, "and can arrange my screens
for me-" But Oscar replied: "Oh,
don't arrange them; let them occur"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

Mrs. POLK, now IS years old, wears
black silk kid gloves all day and walks
with gold-headed cane. She never
leaves Nashville nor goes anywhere in
that town, except to church on Sunday.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

GENERAL BoULANGER lacks discre-
ton. The other evening at house in
fashionable Paris he actually had the
unwisdom-or was it audacity?-to ask
the beautiful Mime. de Fredern to sing
the music-hally, "En Revenent de Ia
Revue" OF course she was MORALLY
wounded. Imagine Adelina PATHS in
dignation if she were asked to sing
Champagne Charlie"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

GLADSTONE was invited by a western
editor TO contribute an article on
Washington" The English states
man declined in the following words
written on postal card: 81 am much
honored by your letter. But cannot
act upon it. Washington is noble
subject. l studied him forty years ago
with love and admiration. But it is
not in my power now to renew the
study, & / should not like to profane
the theme by thin & slovenly work"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

IT is a curious fact that among all
the vast throng of prominent men who
occupied the floor of the United States
senate chamber on the Inauguration
morning the only one-eyed man in tho
crowd was the only one who whiled
away the hour before the ceremony by
reading. Senator Vance, with a black
patch over his eyeless socket, devoted
his attention to the pages of a maya
zina,
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

The keynote of Indian industry is
struck in General Miles's report where
he says: "And have seen their wo-
men go out long distances, cut grass
with knives and pack it on their backs
to the post for small sums OF money"
The Indian himself is capable of
''hcroic struggles in this manner of
manual labor, reminding one Of the
patriotism of the famous humorist who
willingly would sacrifice upon the
altar Of his country all his wife's dear
relations"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

SENATOR MARsToN, of New Hamp-
shire, who succeeds Senator Chandler
is, next to Senator Morrill,, the Oldest
member of the senate, being 70 years
of age. Senator Morrill, is 70.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

DIR. MARY WALKER, it is stated, 20
seeking a place under the new order
of things. A clerkship in one of the
departments is the particular thing
she pants for.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

THE duke OF Newcastle built new
church at Clumber at a cost of over
$500, 900, and his grateful tenants have
put fine memorial window in as a
wedding present to him.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

QUEEN VICTORIA, who travelled to
France as Countess of Balmoral, took
her own bed and bedding with her, "
custom which her majesty never breaks,
even if invited to stay in a royal
nalaee
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

CHIEF-JUsTICE FULLER's home seems
TO be the center of attraction for WASH
ingtonians, young and old. The
daughters of the house are described as
just running over with fun and cordial
III
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18
THE END.

"Well, what did the publishers say
this time?"
"Oh,' replied Bryan, with a smile,
"they simply discharged my friend,
that's ALL"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

Mrs. CLEVELAND has told an inter-
viewer that she isn't writing a novel,
translating one, or even writing mag
azine article, and never thought of do
ing either of these things.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

AMONG the jubilee presents received
by the violinists Joachim were a gold
medal and 100, 900 marks in cash.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

Miss LoTTIE A. CAMPBELL, presi-
dent of Caldwell College, and Miss A.
M. Hicks, president of Clinton College,
are among the most successful college
presidents in Kentucky.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

Mr.. FRoCDE is reported to be writ
ing novel describing the wild country
life In Ireland century ago.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

NINE. TUssAUD's museum, in London,
has just been sold to joint stock COM
pany for 1865, 900. Four hundred
thousand people visited it last year.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

SENATOR STANFORD paid $500 for
windows from which to review the in
augural parade, Senator Hearst $500
and Ira Davenport $3.50.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

SUSAN COOLIDGE" by which name
one of the most charming of the writers
of children's literature is known, is
Miss WoolseY, OF Boston.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

BEFORE departure from Washington
Mrs. Cleveland received handsome
basket of flowers from Mrs. Harrison.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-05-18

COUNT HERBERT BISMARCK talks OF
making tour of America by way of q
summer vacation.