The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-08-04
NEEDLES AND PINS.

An interesting supplement to the essay
of one of our modern authors on the
"Total Depravity of Inanimate Things"
might be made out of the queer doings
of the needles and pins of this country.
Scarcely a day passes that the newspa-
pers, in the discharge of their high and
solemn duty to the American people, do
not have to chronicle the singular and
mysterious performances of these small
and apparently innocent implements
of housewifery. We are credibly in
formed that some enterprising journals
maintain, at large expense, the space of
column OF more which is exclusively
devoted to the daily exploits of the
hayward needle and the eccentric pin.
Space is given them that once was
occupied by 0phidian or archaeological
legends of an imaginative sort, which,
being much less wonderful in their de-
tails, have had to surrender their long
established precedence in the annals of
sensationalism. Many persons are
in state of great bewilder-
ment as to what will be their
next freak, and some of these per-
sons are in not little anxiety lest they
become the victims of their acupunctural
FRANKS.
A man becomes thin and cadaverOus
and is conscious of declining health.
His physician runs thermometer under
his tongue and applies stethoscOpe to
his lungs; gazes hOpelessly into his
mouth, and vainly thumps him in front
and rear, but is unable to discover any
cause for his debilitated condition.
Finally the invalid is invited by an
itching in his big toe, for instance, to
make an examination of that part of his
anatomy, and, upon doing so, finds the
point OF pin prOtruding from it. The
pin is extracted, and the man speedily
regains his normal state of health. No
one knows where the pin came from or
how it got there, but it is supposed to
have been via the esOphagus or per-
foratiOn of the epidermis at some time in
the remote past.
Such an explanation is not, however,
altogether satisfactory to those who are
intimately acquainted with the depraved
nature of pins. One who has unexpect-
eddy encountered them in the seats of
chairs on the most inOppOrtune occasions,
or about the waists of seductive maid
ems in critical moments, is thoroughly
convinced of their pure diabolism. Read
ers of history may find this evil opinion
of them corroborated in the accounts of
Salem witchcraft and the good old DAYS
of Cotton Mather, of pious memory. 1t
was a common occurrence for the sor-
cerers and witches of those days to
vomit pins, which were often bent and
def0rmed, as result, it was generally
supposed, of their crooked practices.
These vomitions were universally re-
gardcd as the most conclusive evidence
of league with the prince OF darkness,
for no other imaginable reason than
that pins were looked upon as pecul-
iarly diabolical implements. Nausea
of that sort was promptly diagnosed
as a case of demOniacal possession,
and it must be admitted that the treat
ment of it was somewhat heroic. II
consisted, in short, in burning the af-
licted person at the stake. Its effective
ness for the cure of any particular case
is undeniable, as it was thorough, rad
ical and complete, and really left moth
ing to be desired. Nevertheless, we are
not prepared to recommend it as a rem
| edy for the disease which seems to af.