The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-11-23
BRIGHT BITS.

ExAMINER-Can You give me n instance OF a
person melting another to perjury
Candidate-Yes; when the court asks fe-
m ale witness how old she is.-Ie1ds SJttngs.
''WELL, Tom, do you ever write to your fan
ceeY''
80, yes, three times week. / only see her
on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday
NeIo York sun.
ADmRING FRIEND ito struggling artist)-That
drawing Is grand Is there anything you can't
draw!
Struggling Artist-Yes; my check and prize
in the lottery.-Epoch.
AND MINNIE has made a fortune out Of her
piano playing How did she do 1t so quickly?'
she practiced on the p ano so much that
her uncle committed suicide, and she was his
heir, you knowg'-EpOct.
A KIND HEARTED GIRL.-Dude to shop girl
Lovely creature, l adore you. Do you give
me your love in return?
Shop Girl-Of course | do. Anything else
this afternoon?-Terds SUtmgs.
A WISE INFANT.-"By-omyb aby-by-o-my-"
Look here, mother, said the baby, don't
sing to me. That keeps me awake. Read the
editorial page of the M1ii and Express to me If
you really want me to 60 to sleep. PUCK
He WOULD PROFIT BY EXPERIENCE Lady-My
poor man. if you had in your possession again
all the money you have spent for bad whisky, l
have no doubt you would spend it differently.
Tramp-O, yes mum; I'd buy good whisky
WIFI lU.-NeU YORK Sun.
BIGIs What a COMPOUNDED fool Shaw was to
hang around that young woman all evening!
Hicks-O, get out! You'd do the same thing
under the same circumstances.
Blggs-Yes, and that's what. makes me so
plagueymad with Shaw.-Boston Transcript.
AFTER ALL, >" remarked the student of Scrip
ture, Sampson was the greatest dramatic
acIor who ever lived
How do you make that out?" queried the
listener.
''Why, no man." explained the speaker, lever
brought down the house as he did. Chicago
Globe
RURAL MINIsTER-None Of the brothers whose
duty it is to pass the plate are here to-day.
Would you object to taking up the collection?
Modest Worshiper-I never passed the plate
in church in my life, and I'm afraid I'd be rather
awkward.
"Oh, never mind about that II won't be
noticed. Most of my cOngre cation become alb
sorbed In their hymn book about the time the
plate goes round. n-Aet0 York Weekly.
BL1NKs-Whatl Can't keep your engagement
with me?
Jnhs (sadly)-No, l can't. was drawn on
jury this week, and couldn't get out of it.
did you tryg"
Indeed did. did my best to make myself
out to be hopeless ignoramus, but they
wouldn't let me go
Great Scott, man. The way to escape jury
duty is to act as if YOU knew something. '-Nel0
York Weekly
81 HEAR said Clement Sellers of Harlem,
that your daughters marriage with the
Count Gehaben Gehapt Haben has been post
poned."
st is off, " replied Auction Sales, for it was
he, Its off entirely. He wanted six chairs and
a cigar counter, and knew mighty well there
wasn't q corner in Harlem where such a shop
would pay offered to fit him up a four-chair
shop with bathroom, and he could take that
or nothing. SO it's off. "-Burdette.
CAN you put a poor starving man in the
way of getting bite of bread?' inquired a
hungry tramp, as he presented himself at the
door where lived the humorist of the local
paper.
why, certainly, my poor man." said the
kind hearted wife Of the humorist here is a
cake of yeast that you are welcome to-
But can't eat yeast, ma am"
mo; but perhaps you can raise some bread
with it; we do"
treated in the shadow of smile that was sub
lime.-BOStOn Courier.