Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-12-28

/ eTdl were s6Hl 10 lHe IIOlcClOI On that OC-
casicn, but no was pleased with none of
them. At length poor cobbler sent him
the following, which was approved, and he
received the premium:
Blessed be the Sabbath day,
And eurs'd be warlike pelf
Tuesday must now begin the week,
For Mondays hanged himself.
A person who, upon reading these lines,
perceived that the cobbler supposed Mon
day to be the first day of the week wrote
the following:
What country cam the cobbler frae,
That Monday gan the week. wha wo.?
Nor Jew nor Christian could he be,
Forsooth he was Hotteptot
The Rev. William Clarke, Chancellor of
Chichester, hundred years ago produced
an impromptu which il would be hard to
excel. On the tomb OF the Duke of Rich
mon, in Chichester Cathedral, was an in
scription ending with these words:
Hoec est domus ultima.
On reading this inscription, Mr.. Clarke
wrote the following impromptu:
Did he who thus inscribed this wall
Not read or not believe Saint Paul.
Who says there is, whereer it stands
Another house not made with hands?
Or may We gather from these words
That house is not House of Lords?
Horace Walpole, the implacable enemy
of Archbishop Seeker, wrote an impromptu
on his archiepiscopal signature, which pro-
duced permanent change. The present
Primate of all England signs himself ed
ward Cantuar;" but hundred years ago
Cant" was the customary Authorization.
After a quarrel with the Archbishop,
Wair1Ola wrote tho follor-i-O.
The Bench has oft posed US and set US a-scofing.
By signing VIII. London, John Sarum, John
Rotten;
But this head of the church 70 expounder will
want,
For his Grace signs his own proper name, Thomas
Cant.
Seeker got nicknamed "Tom Cant"
throughout his diocese in consequence;
and hence it happened that his successors
took to "Cautuar."
DIR. Burney, who wrote the celebrated
anagram on Lord Nelson after the victory
of the Nile-"Honor est a Milo" (Horatio
Nelson)-wa shortly afterwards on a visit
to his lordship. He omitted to provide
himself with a nightcap and borrowed one
from his host. As his custom was, he sat
down to read before retiring to rest, and
was shortly afterwards alarmed by the
nightcap catching fire from his candle.
He collected the remains and returned
them to Lord Nelson with the following
lines:
Take your nightcap again, my good lord, de-
I would not detain it a minute;
What belongs to Nelson, wherever there's fire,
Is sure 10 be instantly in it,
When the fair utilitarian and political
economist, Harriet Martineau, published
her book against marriage it was sent to DIR.
Maginn to review. His crtique ran thus:
book against wedlock, OH oh!
And written by Miss Martineaul
But this | will know,
she will not say NO
To handsome young beau,
Just six feet or So
Fie, fie, Harriet MaTtineau!
When Lord Palmerston, the Premier,
was lying i'll with govt, very smart i'm
promptu was composed by member of his
Government, referring 10 himself and Lord
Derby, both being laid up with the same
malady;
The Premier in, the Premier out,
Are both laid up with pedal govt
And no place can they go to;
Hence it ensues that, though of old
Their differences were manifold,
They now agree in toto
a doctor sent the following with a couple
of ducks to patient;
I've dispatched, my dear madam, this scrap Of
letter
A regular doctor no longer she lacks,
So, therefore, I've sent her couple of quacks
The following lines were sent with a
goose:
When this you see
Remember me,
Was long phrase in use;
And so send,
To you. dear friend,
Ny proxy. What? \ goose
A country editor prepared the following
impromptu uUOn the marriage of Mr.. Hus-
band to the lady of his choice:
The case is the strangest We have known in our
life,
a husbands husband, and so is his wife.
The late poet and humorist, John Godfrey
SAKE, composed the following, on being
given a candle, when the gas went out at a
drawing-room entertainment, by beauti-
ful young lady:
You gave me a candle, I give you my thanks,
And add as a compliment justly your due
There IS not a girl in these feminine ranks
Who could, if she would, hold candle to you.
Let Us hope that the young lady in
question will not inquire too closely into
the very classical origin of the phrase
''holding a candle"
The following verse was sent to a Mr.
Wildwood, who exaggerated his state
ments;
You double each story you tell,
You double each sight that you see;
Your name IS WE double L
W double Cd.