Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-08-23

Preacher: .'How did you like my sermon
to-day, Mrs. Smith"
Mrs. Smith; Charming. o, tell me,
who was that OdiOls looking woman in the
first pew, with the Plum-colOred hat?''
John L. Sullivan is still able to lie on the
ground without falling off.
You can never get into the good graces of
young woman by watching her get out Of
hammock.
Tom: 81 tel you men may pirate as they
please of the extravaganza of woman, but
she can dress on a sum that would keep
81 believe you there, my boy. The sum
my wife dresses on keeps me shabby
enough"
Mrs. Young Husband: ''This girl is too
young, for nurse: She is hardly taller
than the baby itself"
Nine. O'Rourke (of the Continental En-
ploYment Agency: 'Sure, then madame,
II she drops the baby, it won't have so far to
fall"
His Little Scheme.-Mr. Jason: Chow
did your wife come to buy such cheap hat
Wickwire?'
Wickwire: st told her it was too young
for her face"
Herr Vogneer: 'sAIein Gott, but I vas all
proke up! Watched NIT a corpse last
night.
GilIigqn: "Wuz it a wake?'
Herr VOgneer: ''Nein, you Irish slump,
id vas dealt
''Christianity and sOap 90 hand in hand'
says a m manufacturer of the cleansing ar
ticle. Just present friend with a cake of
soap and see whether they do or not.
This is the age of wonders, and the aver
age American citizen Is no longer surprised
al
that sensation, however, just write to B. Z.
johnson d Co 1909 Main St., Richmond,
va, and hear what they nave goU TO say on
the success of some OF their agents They
have got the goods that sell, and anyone out
of employment viii consult their own wishes
by applying to them.
It is no wonder the hotel clerk laughs a
lows satisfactory laugh as he waite es the
young man fill his match safe with tooth
picks.
Los Angeles has a modest girl who learns
the church songs from her sister and not
from the book, because it IS hymn book
A towering passion often leads to monu-
mental woe.
Al who use DObbins' Electric Soap praise
it as the best, cheapest and most economical
family soap made; but If you will try 1t once
it will tell a still stronger tale of its merits
itself. Please try 1t. Your grocer viii sup
ply you.
The navigation of the English Channel is
now rendered very hazardous by the ire
menduous adiectjvef which BouiangeF IS
hurting into France from his safe retreat IN
London.
An exchange says: Chicago viii not al
low Philadelphia to cover more territory
than sine does. She has put her foot down
upon any such assumption Put her foot
war rIaII
to tradition that covers the ground
BackIot: 'Bascom, what is your boy
studying at cO1egeP
BascOm: ''OptiOuals, mostly"
Backlot: "Geewhitakerl That must te
hard"
Mother: 'cNow girls, as you've finished
your daily quarrel suppose you 60 ana eat
ArabeIIa (sarcasticauy): ooh, I suppose
you want US to swallow our feud.
Humorist. ssir, have some paragraphs
to submit
Editor (gIancing them over: "You have
made mis5ake-the tombstone dealer lives
next dO0r-Ne don't buy epitaphs here
He: seWhat made you start sop
She; 81 didn't hear you coming, 1 was
so wrapped up IN thought"
He: well, that Ought TO make q pretty
comfortable costume these hot days"
Dude to DOCTOR: Anything serious
the matter with me doctorf''
Doctor Slowly; 'FYour condition is Sc
rious, but not necessarily fatal have dis
covered evidences OF a growth of brains
When the fiz tree putteth forth her green
fgs Editor ShepaTd's race tips are most IN
demand
The salt trust is doomed. Tt is culinary
law that salt must get into the SOUP
HALLS CATARRH CURE is a liquid
and Is taken internally. Sold by drug
gistss 75c-