The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-04-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A serious blow-A blizzard.
A paper dealer-The note broker.
An old, chronic growler-The lion.
Sign of longevity--"O "Old Mems Home"
Rent in twain-The double dwelling
house.
The newest thing in the dog line
Puppies.
Will not necessarily fall-The girl
in slippers.
The flower of the family is often the
latest tc rise.
Settling money on a son frequently
unsettles the son.
The grocer doesn't often show grit.
He conceals it in the sugar.
A horse knows more than some men,
for it knows when to say neigh.
''I am only little shaver" said the
small boy who worked in carpenter
shop.
Att is reported that you have in
herited a landed estate" B-"My dear
sir, it is groundless.
"Your laundress appears to be very
old" "Yes; she belongs to the iron
age. - DOsCJN UtEotte.
This is pretty pass" remarked the
editor when the railroad company re-
newed his transportation.
They stand for office in England and
run for it in America. Characteristic,
isn't it2--Phitadetphia Cal.
Curiously enough, the big guns Of the
human race are seldom in the condition
to be fired. - Darlington Free Press.
Many q girl thinks she shall Miss If
she isn't married, and many wife Mrs.
it by not being single. Chicago Journal.
When the doctors give you up there is
only one way to get we'll; and that is to
give the doctors up.-Fiigende Blastter.
Without consulting the market reports,
one would naturally expect ''refned"
sugar to be "quiet and steady. PITTS
burg ChJ0nicle.
There would be no objection raised
against any absconding fnancier settling
in Canada if he Gould first settle in this
country. Binghamptoa Republican.
Tom-"A new coat, eh2 What color
do you call it seal brownl" Dick
(thinking of his unpaid tailor -''No;
dun brown, guess. y Yankee Blade
"Nice girl ycu have, that Clara, +" re.
marked Giles. "a little absent minded,
hear" ga trife," replied Briggs.
"The last letter she sent me was sealed
with her chewing gum. "-New York Sun.
Mrs. Winks-"Well, declared The
weather indications are right for once"
Mr.. Winks docking over her shoulder)
-"Humphl That paper that you have
got is a week old. ."-Phitads.phia Record.
Captain Anson coaching his players
in game of bali at the base OF the .grsat.
Egyptian pyramid)-''Forty cenfnf<<2S
are looking down on you, Williamson
Bang the s;utiing out of 'er w- Chicag0
Tribune.
Said a disgusted tramp to his New
York associates on his return from a
Western tour: "They said would find
wonderful advance in the West, but
didn't find man who would advance
me a ent."-Sytings.
~ used to think" said Uncle Ezra,
''thet this thing Of gals kissing pug dogs
was purity rough, but sence | come to
town an see some of the dudes well,
maybe the gals amt SO much to blame
arter all. - Ne,o York Mercury.
'Gentlemen.of the jury" said counsel
in an agricultural case, ''there were 80
hogs in that lot-36. / want you to re-
member that number 80 hogs-just
three times the number that there are in
the jury box. " Albany Lao Journal.
First Eminent Physician-"But Herr
Windygrat: has gout-his lungs are as
sound as possible. Why did you tell
him not to play the trombone for six
months" Second Eminent Physician
"Because, my dear, Herr Windygratz
occupies the chamber next to mine.'-
Funny Fo'ks.
A spring whose water is perfect writ
ing fluid has been discovered in Michi.
gan. Now all that is needed is the dis
covery of lake of writing paper, mine
of postage stamps and quarry of steel
pens, in the same vicinity, to make that
portion of Michigan ''literary centre"
-NeD Ior5 Mercury.
"Will you have piece Of this nice
mince pie, Tommy" said Tommy s aunt,
with whom he was taking his dinner.
"Please, ma'am," replied the little
fellow, holding his plate, "but you
might put two pieces on now; mamma
has taught me never to pass my plate
hack for fha epcoud f,iaea -