The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-07-04
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-fdSnlOnaDlo lie IS as hollow ana
as artificial as crystal optic in a
mummy.-Boston Globe.
During hard winter the plumber
and the coal dealer usually have soft
thing. Boston Gazette.
One curious thing about the sea-
serpent is that it is always some other
man that sees it. -Harper's Bazaar.
-Claim-jumpers are so unpopular
in Oklahoma that a man who has a
jumping toothache is regarded with
suspicion.-Chicago News.
-Fccentricity is not virtue. but il
some men would only be eccentric
enough not to cross their legs in a
horse car, the world would forgive
them some of their other vices.-Somer-
Vile journal.
Mr.. S. -"Waiter, take this stuff
away; I'D just as lief eat SO much gar
bage!' Waiter (who has heard him
before)-''Yessah. But dar' no count
in for tastes, sab. Life.
Miss Travis-''Don't you think nv
new dress is too sweet for any thing?''
Miss De Smith-'O, lovely, exquisite!
l do believe your dressmaker could
make bean pole look graceful
There was something more than
bad photography in Josh Billings
writings. after all. Some fifty or sixty
ambitious writer's have endeavored to
fill his shoes, but they only rattle round
without attracting any particular at
tention. Siftings.
1t is stated that the touch of a
lovers hand "restored girl from a
twenty-four hours attack of hysteria.
1t is possible. 1t frequently happens
that the touch of a lovers hand few
years after marriage throws a woman
into hysteria-and it's a poor rule that
won't work both WAYS.
Deacon Godfrey-''What a beauti-
full dispensation of Providence it is
that the mind of man has been so con-
stituted that the memory of pain and
trouble becomes fainter and fainter az
time goes on" DIR. Bowless-'.Its
pretty tough on us doctors, though,
when we come to collect our bills. -
Ierre Haute Express.
Mrs. Malaise-''Doctor, l beg you
will not deceive me about my case.
Believe me, I am prepared to hear the
wolSt.' DR.. Bismuth-''Well, then,
madame, frankly-there is nothing the
matter with you whatever. You should
really try some other scheme besides
ill-bealth to excite sympathy"
"A close observer has remarked that
when a man marries good woman the
devil turns his back on him, because he
has easier work elsewhere, and when q
man marries a scolding woman the
devil turns his back on him also, be-
cause he knows there is only one road
for him to travel.-St. Louis Magazine.
-Foreigner-''This may be a free
country, but don't see that the free
dom has any effect on the people. Such
patient, meek, subdued lot of human
ity l never saw in my life. l should
think free-born American would act
as ii he were a monarch of all he sur
veyed.' Native-''Wait until YOU sec
a passenger car 'eakeman who expects
soon to be conductor. Y. Weekly.
"A young lady broke off her engage.
ment with sutton when q weather.
lover appeared upon the scene. She
wrote to her old lover requesting him
to return her photograph. Here was
chance for revenge, which he took by
sending her the following note: Il
would gladly comply with your re-
guest, but If do it will spoil my euchre
deck. have collection of photo
graphs which l use for playing cards,
and I DO not want to break it by giving
away the queen Of diamonds. ''aaWsvert
lsy laeasins