davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

Tie elevators which are entered through
one side and left through the other are
often confusing. There is one man In town
at least who will subscribe to this. He
rode up to the top Of tall, downtown
building in one of them the other day, and
when he started to go down again he thought
he was to leave 1t on the first floor through
the same side he entered on the top floor.
SO he stepped in and leaned against the
wall of the elevator shaft, Just opposite the
door. 1t was one OF those sudden elevators
and the boy in charge likes to drop 1t
rapidly In order that he may smile at the
little shrieks Of alarm uttered by his lady
passengers. He dropped the car on this oc-
casion. The wall OF the shaft shot up the
back Of the confused young man with a
rasping sound, and before he could accept
the warning and step away from the wall
the car had reached the first floor. The
scraping had carried his coat and vest up
around his neck; his hat had been tipped
forward on his face. AS he left the car he
was obliged to 'walk Spanish, and he had
to undress himself before he could get his
apparel In place again. Hereafter he will
take good care that he leans only against
stationary walls.--[C Chicago Herald.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
SOCIAL AND personal.

.,,- -, n.-,-- = ,-,.. So. H..
,.s VIE mn, %a,'''e o"iNe's Is V'S'''"s '''o"'' :"
oe,ses N'g ~. r.
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,ol ,,"'ope "euneeu"y on '"o N''S VI W."
'o.n' I'm . ,, =,
no ensase"ons ~ ,,, VI ",ss use, nSno' ~.
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na,r ,,,,,o o~ana,ann,,,or ,aro o,,, a,,,,,ro
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caasm.v " p.,oh - ns.s,,s ,a a., =,
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qu,' sro" ~ Se noo, VI, y, '"o Vsnay " oe"
"' ''"'' :" -''" 'o'" y" '"'""'' '''"'
'"s.
I'm 10 a,,., 80 nv " IN .,.s,,' ~
Is W. w ~ y,
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
CRITICULAR.

A young man subscribing the large sum
OF quarter to church erection fund over
on Capitol Hill accompanied the cash with
the following effort:
Should every one his quarter give,
This church, which now is small,
WIN such capacious quarters have
AS will provide for all.
So herewith find the quarter, which
! freely give to thee,
And some day may the good Lord show
Some quarter unto me.
You may think 1t is Centennial you are
going to New York to see, but you will find
It Dollar-tennial or Ten-dollarial, Just as
you prefer, before you get home again.
The printer at the case stands up for the
editor's writes. Thus do we see the true
harmony of labor and capital.
The egotist doesn't go to an oculist for
his troubles.
The sun is no respector of grammar. II
rises early and makes light Of It's rays.
A correspondent calls attention to the
fact that the President signs his name
BENZ. HARRISON and asks how the first
name should be pronounced. AS "Wil-
helmj" is pronounced Wilhelmy, We pre-
sumo Benz. is pronounced Benny. II not,
why not?
The wheels Of watch 60 round in cog.
The ofiice-seeker has been weighed in the
balance aud found wanting he
can get.
What some people say is "utter'' non
sense.
Some tailors grow bill-igerant after a
years waiting.
All coin possesses metallic odor, par
ticularly the copper cent.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
WASHINGTON, APRIL 90, 1889.
PRESIDENTIAL RECEPTIONS.

The Cabinet meets on Tuesdays and
Fridays at 1880 p. IN.
Senators and Representatives in Congress
will be received by the President every day,
except Mondays from 10 until ~.
Persons not members of Congress having
business with the President will be received
from IL until on Wednesdays, Thursdays
and Saturdays
Those who have no business, but call
merely TO pay their respects, will be re-
ceived by the President In the East Room
at p. ri. on Mondays, Wednesdays and
Saturdays.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
platform figures who could be named
must be otherwise.

"TuE DEVELOPMENTS in the Lydecker
court-martal Of frauds in the Aqueduct
tunnel and the scathing denunciation by
the Congressional Investigating Committee
Of the whole system OF constructions is a
severe blow to the engineer corps Of the
army" said an army officer to-day. "When
the tunnel project was put in operation
there was some scrambliug IN the engineer
corps for the credit Of originating
the plan. Since there has been
such perfect exposition Of the folly of
the idea, however, 10 one has been clamor-
ing for the credit and there has been a
general effort to unselhshly allow the
others to take the credit For while
at least, Hoxie, one official, made himself
very conspicuous in connection with the
tunnel plans, but not chirp has been
heard from him since the system was shown
to he so defective"
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
A. aoY,s LOGIC.
It Knocked out the Deacon and Made
the Audience Laugh


The Up River, Me-, Ncios gives the fol
lowing reminisccnce Of an incident In an
0ldtown lyceum forty years ago, to which
all the doctors, lawyers and ministers OF
the town belonged. One evening capital
punishment was the question being dis
cussed, and called out the best forces on
both sides. During the evening young
boy who had been "A constant member, re-
Piled to Deacon Rigby upon this question.
The deacon was for hanging The boy OPP
posed. Said the deacon, quoting from the
Mosaic law: "Whoso sheddeth mans blood
by man his blood shall be shedn Thinking
this to be bombshell to his opponents, he
dwelt upon II till his time expired, when the
boy sprang to his feet and said:
"Supposng we take the law which the
gentleman has quoted, and which, in n
philosophical sense has been abrogated as
null and void since the birth OF our Savior,
and see what the logical deduction would
come to-. For example, one man kills an
other, another man kills him and so on un-
til we come to the last man on earth.
Who's going to kill himp He dare not sui
eide, for that same law forbids 1t. Now,
deacon said the boy, "what are you going
to do with the last MANI"
The boys logic called out rounds OF ap-
plause and vanquished the deacon. The
boy Ia now Chief Justice Of the Supreme
Court Of the United States, Melville w.
Fuller
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

ANOTHER SOUTHERN newspaper man has
given up the press and entered the pulpit.
This time II ia Mr.. Henry d. Howren of the
Charleston Neps and Courier, who has re-
formed. He preached to 1900 people last
night. The greatest feature about this
business is that when man gets so boozy
that he is no good on the newspaper he
sweors of and enters the ministry. 1t
would look better II the newspaper man
changed his calling without having to go
through u reformatory process.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
AN EDUCATIONAL FAILURE.


The oldfashioned spelling school is
still popular in Kentucky. and very
good thing ii is Many strong men and
clever women have developed their first
ambitions in spelling school, and the
effect of these gatherings is always
profitable, or nearly always so. An ex.
cepiional case was possibly that which
occurred at the Mount Welcome school
house last week, in the southeastern
part of the State named. The school is
taught by Miss Jarvis, and the spell
ing match was most exciting one, the
sides being about evenly matched
II was while the spelling contest was
in full progress that boy opened a
window to drive away supposed dog,
which was prowling about the house.
The 10y opened the window but did
not stay there. AS the sash was lifted
q bear began 10 Chamber in and school
was dismissed and out of the front door
and down the road in three seconds by
the clock The Lear did not pursue.
He merely took possession of the school
house and proceeded to make himself
as comfortable as circumstances would
permit. The suddenly adjourned school
went down the road until farm house
was reached and then the farmer, with
his rifle and the farmers big son, with
shotgun, went after the beer attend
ant at school.
They found the bear bravely engaged
In the absorption of knowledge in bulk.
He was eating spelling-books and arith-
metics, when they looked cautiously in
through the door, and seemed to be en-,
joying the Diet He was net bear of
more than ordinary intelligence, appar.
emily, but he had in half an hour taken
in more photography and mathematics
han had the brightest pupil in the
school in three months. The farmer
shot him through the heart and he
rolled over and died with his mouth
full Of wisdom. His last words were
never uttered, but they were all there.
Admirable as was the conduct of the
bear in the case above related, II seems
tolcrabiy clear that the system of teach
ing bears and children in the same
school is not and never will be sue
cess, and the Kentucky authorities
should recognize the fact The two
races do got set along well together.
Their ways are different, and il Ken
tueky bears are to be taught at all il
will not be on the co,educational plan.
The experiment has been tried and
proved failure. 1t was nobody fault
in particular, but it was failure.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
Their Kind or.Brown.

II is with deep grief that we notice the
Chicago No,Os referring to the Hon. II.
Todd Lincoln as the possessor of whiskers
which are ''fercely black aud umbra-
geous." outrageous, We grant you, but not
black. The Hon. Todd's whiskers are a
beautiful brown-about the color your
mouth tastes next morning.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
VISITORS TO THE DEPARTMENTS

Secretaries Blaine, Proctor and Tracy
have issued the following order for the re-
ception Of visitors;
Reception of Senators and Representa-
tives in Congress, from 10 to l2 o'clock.
Reception of all persons not connected
with the Departments, at l2 o'clock, except
Tuesdays and Fridays, which are Cabinet
days; and Thursdays in the Department OF
State, when the members of the Diplomatic
Corps are exclusively received.
Persons will not be admitted TO the build
ing after O'Clock each day, unless by card
which win be sent by the captain OF the
watch TO the chief clerk or to the head oi
the bureau for which the visit is intended
This rule will not apply to Senators, Repre-
scntatives or heads of Executive Depart
nepts.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
Dakota's Gophers.

G0phers are SO numerous In Dakota that
they are a great nuisance to farmers. Ere
quently the little animals get in field and
spoil days labor OF the husbandman by
diging up the corn which he has just
planted. A South Dakota man has hit upon
the expedient Of smoking his seed corn, and
he says the gopeers won't touchit. Heputs
1t in sack, hangs the sack in the upper
part of barrel, then builds a smudge in
the barrel and smokes it just as he would a
ha,
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
No More Trouble with Canada.


Judging by newspaper cuts, British Min
lister Pauncefote bears something of re-
semblance to Mr.. Armour, the eminent
packer II he knows half as much about
fish as the latter knows about hogs we may
expect an early and satisfactory settlement
Of the fish question.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

SEVERAL DOZEN persons have written to
the New York papers to say they own the
knee buckles Washington wore at his first
Inauguration. George must have been an
omniverous old buckleberry unless some
body is doing what George could not do.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

DEATH is not pleasant thing to con
template, and yet not many persons are
feeling badly to-day, because one hundred
years from now they will be too dead to go
over TO New York to the second Washing
ton Centennial.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
Noah All Right.
IS. r. News Letter.)

Vs. r. news letter.
''Dr Tanner was not the first man who
lived ON water for forty days. said
Smudge.
"NoYn queried Fudge
"Of course mott
"Who elseT'
"Well, what's the matter with NoahY''
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

Chicago Herald.)
A Missouri preacher while hunting wild
turkeys the other day concealed himself In
a clump OF brush and initiated the cry of
that fowl so perfectly that his companion
shot and wounded him. The incident was
a handsome testimonial to his powers of
imitation, but 1t hardly compensates him
for the loss of several teeth and fragment
of hia law
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

DIED.
DENo.-Sunday morning, April 2s, after a
lingering illness, of consumption, Maud A.,
beloved wife Of George G. Demo, and sister of
Mrs. Addie Rynex, and the late Andrew j..
Reddick.
Funeral from the residence of her husband,
G2s street northeast, Tuesday, April 30, at
ii a. m.
Words are inadequate to express the loss
OF this devoted wife and mother II may
truly he said she sacrificed herself In the
interest of her family May God In His
mercy sustain and comfort them In their hour
of sorrow.
KENZIG.-Louise, widow of the late
Adolph Kenzig, departed this life Saturday,
April 27, at 8:15 p. m.
Funeral from her late residence, 40 Four
teenth street southwest, at 2:30 p. M Tues
day, April 30. Friends respectfully invited.
May she rest In peace.
By HER CHILDREN.
LINDSLY.--On April 2s, 1885, after brief
illness, Harvey Lipdsly, NJ. d.. aged s5.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

EACH pArBR in New York will have the
largest circulation in that town tomorrow.
The Little Hatchet supply ran out before
itrcached the affidavit makers attached to
our METROPOLITAN contemporaries.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

THE New York Sun says: "Wait three
can do without Mugwumpery." Sixty
millions or more of people are taking the
.Su,,'s advice for once, anyhow.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

REPORT is received that Khartoum has
fallen. AS we have heard no "dull thud"
from the direction of Africa recently the
inference is that Khartoum has fallen with
out the usual accompaniment
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

HUNDREDS OF boomers who failed to
catch on in Oklahoma have hitched up and
gone forth to find pastures, or at least less
possessed. Their curses are louder than
they are deep.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

SPIES, the Chicago Anarchist hanged
some time ago, has "materialized" at a
spiritualistlc meeting in Findlay, Ohio.
Findlay, by the way, is the great natural
oas centre.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

New YoRK will entertain the Pennsyl-
vania troops this week. The Pennsyl-
vania troops entertained Washington last
March
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

Mr.. STUYvEsANT FISH and Mr.. Ward
McAllister, with locked horns, should head
the land procession in New York to-mor-
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

LORD LoNsDALE back from his Arctic
trip is man Queen Victoria should be
proud to own as son-in-law.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

IT is "dull shucking' around the White
House to day for the ofllce-seeker.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
UNDERTAKERS.
PROPOSALS.

DRoPosALs FOR MISCELLANEOUS SUP
i PLlES.-WAR DEPARTMENT, April ., 1880.
Sealed proposals lin dupllcatel will be re-
Wednesday, May %, 1889, for furnishing Mis-
cellaneous Supplies, consisting OF Brooms,
Brushes, Soaps, Towels, eto,, etc. for the
ton nppinc pSa 6snai a i'S yaar snd,ns M TnSn
1890, Blank forms of proposals, showing the
items and estimated quantities required, to-
gether with instructions to bidders, viii be
furnished on application TO this offce, Bids
will be considered on each item separately.
Proposals must be addressed TO the under
signed. indorsed on the outside of the enyel-
ope, Proposals for MISCELLANEOUS supplies.
M. II. TH0RP, Chief Supply Division.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

Awarning for highwaymen to give China
the go-by comes from that country in this
form: "Not long since fifty highwaymen
were executed at Kirlin.r
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
Honolulu Newsparers.

According to the Paradise Of he Pacific,
published at Honolulu, that city publishes
three daily and three weekly papers In the
Hawaiian language, two daily and two
weekly papers in English, two weeklies in
Portuguese, one weekly in Chinese, aud
two religious and one agricultural month
lies. The papers are Well printed and
edited as in like-sized communities in the
States.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

The latest claimants for the honor Of
being the Oldest twins are the Chase
brothers, David and John, who were born
In New Hampshire In 1795, and conse-
quently lack but six years of being a
century old. David still resides in his
native State. Johns home is at Fall River,
Wis.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
Our Stock is Complete

And every garment seasonabe bargain.
Have you seen the suits we are selling for
$3.50, so and $12.50, guaranteed perfect
fitting and finished In frst-class style !?
EIsEMAM Bros, 7th & 4, Manufacturing
Clothiers and TailOrs,
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29

uniting the people. What adds to the
weight Of the matter is the belief that Mr..
Halstcad is in entire sympathy with the
friendly sentiments expressed by Colonel
Mussey.
efs
Heaven Is a beautiful place,
With beautiful streets of gold,
I'm going there to meet my Lord,
And all the 'postlesof old,
was the burden OF q hymn that was chanted
In the corridor of the jail yesterday. Mel
son Colbert, condemned to die with William
Briggs next Friday, stood with his hands
on the grating which separated him from
the little band Of missionaries, and joined
In the hymn with great fervor. He
took great interest in the religious
exercises, and evidently realized fully
that 1t was to be his last Sunday on earth.
He exchanged greetings with the colored
people who were holding services in a
friendly, chatty manner, inquiring as to
their welfare and assuring them Of his own
good health in way, which, under the cir
cumstances, was grotesquely pathetic.
'I'm not afraid to go,' said he to young
woman who had been talking to him. "Tse
made my preparations and aint afraid.n
"I suppose that you are looking forward
to- commenced another visitor, when
Colbert interrupted with:
"I'se looking forward to God-dat's all"
Facing the grating where Colbert stood
in full view, is the corridor where the scaf-
fold stands always ready for victim.
Colbert kept his eyes turned from II, fixing
bar, ot, IN han 10 ha
speaking, or upon the floor. He made a
lengthy prayer In which he referred to his
career and its end, and expressed
the conviction that he would
be received in the Kingdom.
William Briggs took less interest in the
proceedings. He expected new trial.
Then Rev. Mr.. Robertson has been laborlng
industiiously with the murderers, and has
| impressed most of them pretty deeply with
| the principles OF piety. There are six OF
| them incarcerated, and Mr.. Robertson will
|. have quite a select little colony In the pre-
cincts of glory.
4S4
TO a party Of horsemen gathered In the
lobby OF downtown hotel the following
brace OF race horse stories was told. They
have never been In print and are too good
to be lost. The first was told by a Wash
ingtonian. 1t runs that before the book
makers were compelled by law to move
their pool-rooms outside the city limits
there was clerk in store who got paid
weekly, and each pay day he went to GER
tain pool-roorn and invested his wages in
bits Of paper with blue-pencil hieroglyph-
les on. He lost steadily, but the passion
was SO strong that he could not stop. The
day the pool-rooms were closed up he went
TO the place he had been frequenting and
found the door locked and the place de-
serted. He philosophcally remarked that
he was so much the richer for It, and went
home and gave the money to his wife. She
hid 1t in the refrigerator aud the man went
to bed. But he could not sleep, and after
tossing about in bed AN hour or two he got
up, took the money out OF the refrigerator
where he had seen his wife hide it, put II In
an envelope aud went down to where the
pooi-room had been and slipped 1t under
| the door Then he went hack lDma and
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
THE TOWNS PHOTOGRAPHS.

One Of the neatcst, pleasantest cells in
the District Jail is that OF james Brown,
alias Buck, the young man who stole Mrs.
James Brown Potter's diamonds. Young,
good looking and neatly dressed, he looked
more like a guest in u big hotel as he
roamcd about the corridors with the daily
papers In his hand and his hat on his head.
His cell is decorated with excellent taste,
Notwithstanding the lack of materials, and
on his table are number of books, among
them being the works Of the best poets. On
the wall, among numerous other pictures,
Is pen-and-ink sketch made by himself OF
the old church which he first attended.
Various articles of furniture are neatly Gov
cred with tin foil, and there is an air not
only Of cleanliness, but Of positive comfort
about the room. A little vine Is making
its way among the bars OF his window
Frequently garter snake crawls from the
outdoor world and finds its way to the
cells Of the prisoners. Buck took charge
Of one Of these visitors, fed II and cared for
II, but II soon tired OF its captivity and
made its escape. During her recent en-
gagement here Mrs. Potter was ap-
~
President In the Young mans behalf.
At first she refused, but her woman's
nature triunphed and she sent the letter TO
President Harrison, doing so quietly, how
ever, 30 as to avoid any appearance OF bid
ding for an advertisement. The President
has not vet acted on the letter, but Buck Is
hopeful that Il win not be without effect.
The Jail officials are confident from various
Indications which never escape them, that
he has never been incarcerated before aud
that he is not old in the business.
ns4
The District Commissioners last week
received the following efrusion from Daniel
Breed, the Mount Pleasant poet.
Mount Pleasant skies spend two years weep
ing,
Der nuisance pond the highway leaping
Where sol mas poison iever stepping
anu .,,,, hr.llo.u house 's iule, s.ccp'ns,
nJ n,nbns nsspI i',,o es, So ~ hoop1,, oo' p'oPs'
The law and court have proved too slow
10 pring re.ei ior Drowning woe,
n". NV ,aM an. n.'sa"ou Nv, WIZ ., :. sn.u
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
DIED.

Washington Safe Deposit Co., 916 Pa.
ave. Storage Department all above ground.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
FIRST RACE AT 8 O'CLOCK.

Special race trains via Baltimore and Ohio
Railroad at 1910, 1850 and 2:50 p. m.
:, Returning trains will be In waiting when
the races are over.
The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-29
1t Should Have Kicked.

d. F. Jackson, who lives near Nc
Donough, Ga, killed an American eagle
which his great-grnndfather used TO turn
loose on Blitishers. The bird measured
seven feet from tip 10 tip, and was seventy
yards distant from the marksman. The old
gun ought to have Kicked vigorously
when used In the destruction Of the great
Bird Of Freedom.