The morning news., 1889-05-09
BRIGHT BITS.

IT IS not putting things in the right place that
bothers man SO much Is finding the right
place af's'r he has put things in it, 4tchtson
GLooe.
sHE-How do you suppose the apes crack the
hard SHELLS of the nuts they pick?
He--WIta monkey Wreench. Ct course. Bur
hngton Free Press.
MRs, WARD-Where is your husband working
now?
Mrs. PreciDct-He amt working He has
got an oftice In the city government.--Boston
Courier
room, Tommy!
Tommy-Oh, the usual contest between pa
ana ma over the speakershp of the house
Burlington Free Press.
MANAGER 90 critic)-we are thinking of
having a real tree for a scene in our new DIav
What kind would you suggest?
Crltlc-Well, | think a chestnut would be the
most appropriate Time.
DIpAcrIc SIRE-My SOD, there is always room
at the top.
castle, pop; but it isn't every chump who can
get there--St Pau Pioneer Press.
AS AN illustration of the progress and 90.
aneadatlveneSs of our country, it may be meu-
TONED tat the "i-year locust" which ap-
p ared only twice in 81 years half a century ago
now visits US annually .-NorfistoUn Heruid
How do you do little boy?"
Got cold in my head. ="
little boys" '0u '-''DA o.
"'Cause my eyes leak and - ' nose don't go -
-LoIceU Citizen.
Mas. RoeERs-No one seemed to feel any
worse at Mr.. Bigricae's funeral to-day than Dr.
Piler.
Mr. Rogers-He must certainly have felt bad
ne mad been treating Bigriche for two years at
% call-Athnedpolts Tribune.
AN EXCHANGE, speaking of the possible cleo
Nj, rrfl rs otc-f
says: III he lives to serve out another term, he
will have had forty-two years senatorial ex
perience. This record exceeds all periods of
service heretofore noted - This recalls the old
lady's remark 10 Der daughters, when she called
the up to do the waShI e: Here it is 500
O'Clock Monday, tomorrow is Tuesday, and next
day is Wednesday. Half the week gone already"
-Lo0eU Courier.
fully, as the mother told her of a suitor's pro
posal.
Edith, answered the mother reproachfully.
you keep 50 badly informed on financial mat
ters that you really cannot expect TO marry
well. Why, he owned the only well at Guthrie,
Oklahoma" -"
So the beautiful girl scribbled accepted"
across the corner of her lovers letter and went
back to a thrilling love story by the latest pas
sion novelist-Neo York Herald
LEFT.-The ardent lover had Just asked her to
be mis- bride, for she mad given him cause to
hope and she had answered simply, Yes,
OcOISo. IL you CAu ReO papa consent.
II will, =" he answered, passionately. Where
is he? He snail give his consent. l would seek
the utmost nights Of heaven or the darkest
depths of hades to get itr he cried
Il guess you'll have TO, George" she an
sTered quietly: "papa's dead"
AMI Wit awful realization that all was
over, George went home, and putting on his
Little brothers copper-t~ ell boots, kicked him
selS-HdrUdrd Lumpoon.
WHICH WAS RIGHT?-At the late election on
the prohibition amendment a Chelsea man on
going to the polls was confronted by a lady
who said to him:
young man. are you marriedI"
Yes, madam"
Have you family?'
Yes, madam"
Then take tais Yes ballot and cast it, and
you will find it all the better for your family
and your home."
Madam" said the young man, ARE you
married?'
Yes, sir.
Have you familyl'
"Yes, sir"
Then give those ballots to some man aud go
home and attend to your family, and it will be
all the better for everybody. boston Courier.