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St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26
ALLEGED HUMOR.
Written With Our Five Dollar She.

Written With Our Five Dollar Shears.
Temperance Orator-What is it, my
hearers, that drives men to drink ?
Voice from the back seat--Salt mack
erel.-[ Life.
Photographer-Now try to look
pleasant Sitter-Pleasant! Why,
you idiot, I'm professional humor-
ist.-[ Time.
She (tenderly)-Did doggy biteyou
darling? He-Yes, he did. She IRE
assuringly)-Well, it was papa's dog,
| darling, and we know he ism mad.
He-Yes, but am [Somerville Jour
nal.
An exchange says: "What does a
man make by getting married ?" Oc-
casionally he makes a fool of himself.
1t also happens occasionally that he
makes his wife miserable-TT Texas
Siftings.
Aristocratic New York Lady-Td
like to know, Bridget, what has be-
come of all the roast beef and cake
that was left over from yesterday?
Bridget-Sure, mum, didn't yer niver
have a perlaceman calm on yer
whin We were of my age?-[ Texas
Siftings.
Professor Ito promising pupil
What is bigamy ?" Promising Pupil
Having two wives at the same
time" Professor-Correct: now
what is the name of the crime when
a man has three wives? Promising
pupil Trigonometry.- Minneapolis
Tribune
Hard Up for a Compliment-Mrs
Jones-Whata lovely baby you have,
Mrs Smith And don't you think it
resembles it's father strikingly ?"
Mrs. Smith, hadn't noticed it Per
haps its nose is a little like Mr.
Mr.. Smiths Mrs. Jones-h, yes; such
healthy color P Burlington Free
Press
Change of climate is what you
need" said the high-priced physician,
after he had listened to the details of
mate" exclaimed the patient in sur
prise "Why, man alive, I've never
had anything else. I've lived right
here in New England all my life. >
[Christian Register.
1t has often been said that the chief
characteristic of the epitaph is its
lack of veracity, but it is perhaps bet
ter that it should err on the side of
kindliness rather than wound the
living by brutal truthfulness, as in
the case of an inscription written for
the tombstone of lazy man by one
who knew him well: Asleep Gas
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26
FLOWERS IN JAPAN.

The love of flowers i'll Japan
amounts almost to alteration. They
are inseparable from the life, art and
literature of the people, and to de-
prive the Japanese of them would be
to take the sunshine out of their lives
On one occasion l received through
my young friend an invitation from
his parents to accompany them on a
visit to a very celebrated grove of
plum trees that were then in full
bloom. After an hours ride in a
''jinrikisha" or "knuma,' as these
little man-carriages are more com
monty called, we arrived at our desti-
nation, where great numbers OF peO-
pie were flocking from all points.
The trees were one mass of fragrant
white and delicate pink blossoms.
Hundreds of visitors in holiday at
tire were strolling about under the
branches with extreme delight de-
picted on their cOuntenanceS.
Others again had spread rugs under
the trees, where they were served
with delicious tea from the neighbour
ing tea houses. The brightly clad
children were dancing and frolicking
in the shade of the blossoms, and a
more perfect picture of sunshine and
happiness can hardly be imagined.
Innumerable little strips of paper
fluttering amidst the blossoms at
tracted my attention. Miss Okiku
informed me that it was the happy
custom of the people to give vent to
their delight on these occasions by
perhaps to be called poems, and
hanging them up in the boughs. And
sure enough, as looked about me, |
observed several persons with paper
and pocket inkstands in hand engag-
ed in composing these little sonnets
in praise of the blossoms.
YaSumaru was at some pains to
explain to me that these poetic effu-
sions were supposed to be composed
on the spot-that the expression, the
form of the idea, was derived from
the inspiration of the scene; but his
father added, with a twinkle in his
eye, that many came with their
poems already prepared. l was hon
est enough to confess to the old gen
tleman that this proceeding was not
altogether different from the habit of
our after-dinner orators who sur
prise their friends with impromptus
composed, as the French put it, a
loisir; that is to say, at their ease.
Some months later painted a pic
ture entitled "Spring's Inspiration,
in which two young girls are repre-
sented walking over the huge step
ping-stones through grove of bios
soming plum trees and reading these
poems; for, although it is not record
ed that the Japanese lover takes this
means of praising his Rosalind, none
the less do Japanese maidens delight
in passing from tree to tree perusing
the futtering Inscriptions Artist
Wores in the September Century.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26

side of heathendom. His army had
~ officers and men and his subjects
numbered 5000, all gentlemen"
A native of India residing in Lon
don expressed a wish lately to send
by parcel post to India the ashes OF
his cremated brother, to be dropped
into the sacred Ganges. He was in
formed that unless he could limit the
weight of the parcel to eleven pounds
the post office could offer him no ia
cilities, and he sadly withdrew.
Every scrap of iron, wood, and
paint work within reach of the Eiffel
tower is already completely covered
with pencil names and dates. The
interiors of the elevators are similar
" inscribed, and though the tower
has been opened complete but for a
few weeks, there is not a pane OF
glass that is not scratched all over
with names of visitors.
BY starting from southern Texas
in February, and travelling north
ward by slow stages into British
America, a man might have straw
berries every day until the end OF
August. When rapid transportation
is further perfected, he may have
them during the same period and
stay at home. Railroads have al
most annihilated the fruit season."
A remarkable system of carrying
little children as passengers seems to
have been in practice hitherto upon
the Russian railways. The Russian
Of tho inf a,-i0r- hoe met &c
sued an ordinance to all railway Off
Gals, prohibiting the further pack
ing of small children in baskets, to
the number of eight in basket, and
forwarding them to the founding
houses in the great towns as hand
luggage"
The elephant has more muscles in
its trunk than any other creature
possesses in its entire body, their
number being, according to Cuvier,
no less than 10000; while the
whole of q mans muscles only num-
Der 527. The proboscis or trunk OF
the elephant, which contains this
vast quantity of small muscles, va
riously interlaced, is extremely flex-
IDLE, endowed with the most eXqui-
site sensibility and the utmost di-
versity of motion.
1t is told that when Mrs. Harri-
son, the grandmother of Baby Nc
kee, was at Nantucket, she strolled
into little store to buy a souvenir
of the place. Taking up small bas-
ket she asked the price of the old
woman who keeps the shop. ut is
marked on the bottom" was the
curt answer. Mrs. Harrison repeat
ed the question. cts marked on
the bottom l tell yer!" answered the
shop-keeper looking up from the
newspaper she was reading. "Ican't
be bothered to stop and answer
questions; I'm reading about the
Presidents trip to Bar Harbor."
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26

James E. Wilson, freight conduc-
tor, living at New Haven, while
working at Cape May, n. j., few
years ago, saved the life of Henry
Scott, wealthy man of Danville, H.,
who was near drowning. Scott the
next day gave Wilson 500 bill and
his warmest thanks. Recently Will
son received a letter from SCOTS ex-
ecutors to the effect that Scott had
died, leaving a fortune of $26O,OOO,
and that his will contained a bequest
of $4,000 for Wilson.
The New York Tribune did much
good by its custom of sending out
poor children into the country sum-
mers as is done by the Boston Unita-
rians for children of that city. The
New York World this summer inaug-
urated a system of providing medical
attendance for the sick babies of the
city. A corps of thirtv-fve doctors
was employed, and large number
of druggists volunteered to fill pre-
scriptiOns. Over 16, 600 cases have
been attended, and the expense, over
$4,000, has been betrayed by volun-
tary contributions, and the World
notifies its readers that no more mo-
nev is needed.
Robert Trail is only eight years
old, but recently he jumped into the
| East river at New York and rescued
a drowning playmate. While Bobby
and Frank Conlin, aged seven, were
playing on pier, young Conlin lost
| his balance and tumbled overheard
and sank. Bobby watched for the
boy to come up and then made a big
spring into the water, grabbed his
little comrade around the waist just
as he was going down the second
time, and manfully struck out for the
pier. Bobby reached the side of the
pier and caught hold of a fender just
as rope with slip-noose was lower
ed Take him up first" said Bobby,
in his piping voice. 81 can climb up
The moose settled around Frank S
limp form and he was hauled up,
while Bobby followed. The rescued
boy was nearly unconscious, but Wig
orous rubbing soon restored him.
The man who thinks that horse
is not thoroughly intelligent had bet
ter look to his own education. The
other day a big, hne-looklng horse
attached to a grocer's wagon fell
down in the middle of a slippery
pavement The driver did not jump
down and belabor the animal with a
club, as most drivers would have
done. He did alight from his wagon
and loosen the harness upon his
horse. Then he took his lap robe and
spread it upon the slippery pavement
near the fallen horses feet. The in
telligent animal did not mistake the
mute suggestion. He eyed the robe
for moment, then he edged around
until his feet were upon it. With an
effort he struggled to an upright po-
sition, and then lifted his feet while
the driver picked up the robe. He
seemed to know intuitively that he
could not slip on the robe. Then the
driver re-adjusted the harness,
mounted his seat on the box and
drove on. If that horse was not in
telligent what was he?-[Salem Even
| ing News
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26
INSPECTOR GREENEYS REPORT.

The report of Hon. L. o. Greene,
Inspector of Finance, has just been
issued. The report shows that two
new banks have been organized dur
ing the year, the Randolph savings
bank at West Randolph and the La
noble county savings bank and
trust company at Hyde Park, max
ing in all 20 savings banks and II
trust companies in the state. The
number of depositors in all the saw
ings banks and trust companies is
81, 759, 1876 per cent of the total
population, or nearly one in five.
The increase in number during the
year is 1899; "a, 12S are residents of
of the state and have deposits to
their credit amounting to $14, $780,
354.42, an increase of 81 ,O42, 167.77.
The nonresident depositors number
1851 and have to their credit 3d.
O,973.S3, an increase of $751;
QS2. so. The average to each depos-
itOr is $2SS "a, a decrease of $50.
The total of deposits is SIT ,SO1 1913.
O5. Dividends surplus and taxes
1858 ,551 .16 has been credited to de-
positors in savings banks anincrease
of $13, 6O634. Stockholders in trust
companies received in dividends $44
225, an increase of $15. 445. In re-
ferring to Western loans, the Inspec-
tor says: "The cities, small and
great, are largely the product of
'booms, and the city or street that
today seems to be on the high road
to prosperity, may bein almost fatal
relapse in year. Overvaluatio is
the tendency, and it requires a man
of cool and conservative judgment
and wise foresight to place loans of
this description safely"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26
GOOD DEEDS.

Mr.. Thomas A. Edison, before his
departure for Berlin, gave 10000
francs for the benefit of the poor of
Paris.
]. H. Southworth of Springfield,
Mass, whose So, 900 gift to Amherst
college has been announced, has also
sent a check for the same amount to
Mt. Holyoke college.
Thomas Chalmers still lives in a
noble self-sacrificing daughter. He
who established the ragged school
system in Scotland has in her wor-
thy representative. She resides in
one of the lowest sections of Edin-
burgh. She foregoes many social adj
vantages and distinctions in order to
benefit the lowly. Her residence is
an alley, and a few rooms answer
her purposes.
A special train was sent over to
rescue the jewellers on the beach at
Salisbury, Maryland, after the great
storm of Sept. Is. The work was
accomplished by a large number of
stout men joining hands and wading
through water waist deep. They
brought the ladies to the cars one by
one, seated on their joined hands
In this way all were saved. 1t was a
perilous undertaking, and several
times the rescuers were knocked
down. Mr. Stokes, one of the rescu-
ing party, was washed out to sea,
but an incoming wave threw him
back toward the beach and he was
saved.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26
TERRIBLE FLOOD IN JAPAN.

From the regular Japanese mail
steamer to San Francisco word
comes of an overwhelming disaster
in Japan The province of Xii, in the
southwestern part of Japan, has been
visited by the greatest tragedy in the
history of the country. Probably
more than 10, 1000 people have been
killed, several towns have been wiped
completely off the face of the earth,
and others have been nearly demol-
ished. The catastrophe was occa-
stoned by floods in the western part
of the province and by the crumbling
of a mountain which buried six vii
lagos under a huge mass of rocks and
earth. The early part of August
was remarkable for its rains, and
the rapid rise of the rivers soon be-
came alarming The banks of the
KinOgawa river, a stream over 100
miles in length, broke near the city
of Wakayamo on Aug. 10, and a
mountain of water, like that which
swept through the COnemaugh val
ley when the dam above Jamestown
broke, rushed out upon the fields and
towns, wrecking houses, bridges,
fences, temples and all things in its
path. In this district 200 houses
were carried away and 5000 were
ruined by the water, leaving 10000
people dependent upon the local Off
Gals for food.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26
SUNSET, COX'S WITTICISMS.

THE light of the gospel and Penn
sylvania petroleum, the light of
Asia, we send free to the dreaming
orient"
"In Turkey, as in America, notice
that the people begin the day at sun
set and so | never go back on Sunset
if | can help it ~
81 suppose am the only man in
America today who has shaken
hands with one of the Pharaohs. 1t
was dusty hand, but l shook it."
"An Irish woman, who has mar
ried second husband, said to me
once: ooh, how happy poor Charles
would beif he could only see by what
an agreeable gentleman he has been
replaced !"
''The Sultan once asked me if there
were any immigrants from Egypt to
America told him there were two
l had shipped them in boxes. He
was willing to let them go as they
could work no longer"
He defined Turkish salaam thus:
1.-THE Turk takes up earth to show
his humility, places his hand on his
heart to indicate cordiality, grasps
his tongue in displaying his willing
ness to talk and then touches his head
in confirmation of the sincerity of his
welcome and to prove that his head
is in accord with what his heart feels. y
Speaking of a political party he
said once that it was "a good deal
like the husband whose wife was
about to present a wee stranger to
the household. The husband was in
the next room waiting for the event
in great excitement and very anxious
to know its sex. The nurse appear
ed and he rushed forward and ex-
claimed, Am l a father or am | a
mother p"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-09-26
usuaD. = Editors Drawer of Han

usuaD. - Editors Drawer of Har-
per's Magazine.
Weeping widow Ito marble cutter)
i want a suitable epitaph placed
on my husbands gravestone. Poor
man, he was killed by having safe
fall on him. Can you suggest one !?
Marble cutter-Perhaps so, madam.
What was your husbands business !!
Widow-He was an editor. Marble
cutter-Then how would gone to
press" do Lawrence American.
A General Awakening.-New minis
ter-The Rev Mr.. LongteXt preached
for you last year, didn't he? Pa
rishioner-Yes, sir. New minister
understand there was great awak-
ening in the church. Parishioner-
Well-yes. New minister, about
what time did it occur? Parishioner
Long about quarter past twelve,
when the sermon was through
Burlington Free Press.