Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-10-21

Corsets and economy diminish the
waste.
Filing saws-Pasting old jokes in a
scrap-book.
Very few persons can hold their own
on their first sea voyage.
Never kiss your sister before another
girl. Make sure of the other girl first.
The pen enables young man to give
his girl an inkling of his sentiments.
Bill Nye remarks that some men s heads
are bald on the outside and some on the
inside
She-All extremely bright men are con-
ceted, anyway. He-Oh, i don't know f;
I'm not.
Mrs. ADO you play the organ. Mr..
Smith? Smith-Yes, if the handle is not
broken.
Plenty of sleep is conducive to beauty.
Even garment looks worn when it loses
its nap.
Forty-nine maids became bachelors at
Vassar commencement. This seems alb
surd to a degree.
He-Come now; let's kiss and make
up. She-No, sir, / won't. He-Well,
let's kiss any how.
Mamma, if you had three twins what
would you call them-troublets?p Eyes,
dear, think would"
Things are about even; if you are n
boy, it is the wOodboX, and if you are a
girl, it is the dishes.
An exchange says summer is passing
rapidly away. Yes; the biggest portion
of it washed away.
Miss de Smythe-I wonder why these
mosquitoes never come to the hotel?
Cholly-They can't afford it.
Temperance oratOr-What is it, my
hearers, that drives men to drink? Voice
on the back seat-Salt mackerel.
All the professions are crowded, but
there is always room on the top. Unfor-
tunately there are no elevators to help
one to get there.
Editor (returning from his vacation)-
Anything happened since I've been away?
Assistant-Yes, the assessors assessed
the office towel as real estate.
Heoffer--What are you engaged in now?
Pfeiffer I'm in Omaha manufacturing
Indian relics to sell at church fairs for
the benefit of the heather.
Six-year-old (to caller on her big sister)
Good evening, Mr.. Palmer. That isn't
my name, little girl, my names Walker.
Oh, you must be Susies other beau.
How does it happen, sir, that you have
your hand in my pocket? Oh, pray excuse
me, sir, am very absent-minded used
to have "a coat exactly like yours.
Father, said lad, have often read
of people being poor but honest. Why
don't they sometimes say rich but honest?
Tut, tut, my son, nobody would believe
them.
Paterfamilias (to aged daughter)-I am
going to take you for long cruise in my
new steam yacht. Matilda (the eldest)-
Oh, paw, do be sure to land at the Isle of
Man, won't you?
Pa, inquired Bobby, as they were re-
turning from a revivalist meeting, why
do those people shout so loud, is God
deaf? No, Bobby, but in case of that
kind he is good way off.
A Chicago society lady issued invita-
ton cards on birch bark. This is de-
cided novelty, and, if generally adopted,
it will soon be possible to distinguish So
ciety ladies by their bark.
The honeymoon is that part of married
life when the bride spends her time in try
ing to find out what her husband likes to
eat and he spends his time in trying TO
eat it after she has cooked it.
Teacher-Johnnie, what part of speech
is nose? Johnnie-Tain't emmy. All, but
it must be. Mebbe your'n is because you
talk through it, but the on'y part of
speech that I've got is my mouth.
Miss Salina-Yes, admit Mr.. Plumpley
is rather plain, but it's the sort of face
that grows upon you. The major-In-
dadel Well, I'm sure tits not the sort av
face OF want to grow upon me!
Since you have insisted on trying OH
my hat. Miss Mabel, l shall certainly
claim the forfeit. / don't know what
you mean; and besides this isn't good
place; they can see us from the hotel