davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26
JOSH BILLINGS SAYINGS.
POsthumous Aphorisms of the Prince Of
Practical Philosophers.

Posthumous AphorIsms of the Prince Of
Practical Philosophers.
l don't know ov a better kure for
sorrow than tew pity sumboddy else.
Ignorance il the wet nuss of preju-
dice.
Anticipation il constantly nibbling
expedited pleasure until it consumes it;
jiss so the skool boy, who visits his
basket during the forenoon too often.
has allreddy discounted hiz dinner.
| never knu man troubled with
melancholy, who had plenty to dew,
and did it.
Good breeding. az understand it, IL
giving every man his due, without rob-
bling yourself.
Natur IL jist az honest az COW.
Talk little, but listen out loud, yung
man, IL the way tew make the company
suspekt you-i mean suspekt you ov
knowing CRATE deal more than you
aktually do.
If yu should reduce the wants ov the
people ov NJ York City tew aktual
necessitys ard plain comforts yu would
hav tew bubble the perlice force tew
keep them from committing suicide.
People when they find fault with
theirselfs are generally more anxioas
tew be consoled than forgiven; and,
therefore, when man begins tew con-
fess hiz sins to me an SEE, ''thare amt
no hope for me-" tell him he ought
tew know awl about it, and guess he's
more than half right.
What the world wants is good exam
pies, not so much advice; advice may
be wrong, but examples prove them
selves.
Pride IL bogus. Adam at one time
had a right tew be proud. but he let sin
beat him out ov his birth-right.
AS ginral thing the man who mar
ries a woman ov more uppercrust than
himself, will find the woman more anx-
Gus tew preserve the distance between
them than tew bring him up tew her
grade or go down to his level.
Titles are valuable; they make us ac-
quainted with menny persons who 9TH
erwise would be lost among the rnb-
Dish.
Habits are like the wrinkles on a
mans brow; if yu will smoothe out the
one it will smoothe out the other.
Peace IL the soft and holy shadder
that virtew casts.
1t IL a darned sight eazier tew find
six men who ken tell exactly how a
thing ought tew be did than tew find
one who will do it.
Marrying for money is a meancr way
tew git it than countorfeiting. 1
Dispatch IL taking time bi the ears.
Hurry IL taking it in the end ov the
tail.
The miser who heaps up gains tew
gloat over IL like hog in a pom, fatted
for a show.
1t il CRATE art tew know how tew
listen. :.
This seems to be about the way it IL
did: When we were yung. we ran into
difikultys, and when we git old we fall
into them.
Love seems tew hav this effekt, it
makes young man sober and an old
man gay.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26

"What ia the matter with youe"
asked travelling man Of u seedy-look-
ing fellow, who was asking assistance.
"You look as il you are able to work"
II am. but can't get it. l lost my
job about a month ago"
discharged for failure to attend to
your duties, no doubtP"
II don't know about that. The boss
said that attended to them with I'M
tagging interest"
what was your occupationg"
II was station-master at small
town and let seventeen passengers got
left. Chicago Globe.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26
NOTHING GOING ON.
News From Dry Fork Contributed to an
Arkansaw County Paper.

News From Dry Fork Contributed to an
Arkansaw County Paper.
Rain.
River rising.
People are clearing up new ground.
Eggs are scarce, but prospects are
good.
Dan Boyd chopped off three of his
toes with an axe day before yesterday.
Uncle Billy Marsh has the thanks of
We correspondent for a mess of SPUR
rels.
Old Bob Malone is dead.
Bill Potts killed wolf last Sunday.
Abe Firestone is liar.
Nat Peel and Joe Green had a fight
Wednesday. Nat is dead.
Bob Parker was drunk Saturday.
Miss Bette Sawyer is the best look
ing girl in the neighborhood. She has
promised to knit We correspondent q
pair Of socks. ~
John Blue is dead. .-----7
Revival going on at Shorts meeting
house.
Sandy Scroggins fell in the creek
Monday and was drowned.
News is scarce.
Frolic at Jim Mayberry's Tuesday.
Somebody shot Jim and hurt him
nightly.
Ned Doyle killed his uncle, Pete Bra
zentine, day before yesterday.
Nothing of interest is going on in our
neighborhood
Sam Myers shot Jesse Jones Sunday.
The boys lynched Sam.
Our neighborhood hasn't been 80
quiet in six months.
lobe Spencer set fire to old Biddle's
house one night last week. Biddle shot
him.
The boys expected a lively season
this winter.
Old Boylston is dead.
Bill Sewer got drunk Sunday and
shot his COW.
Every thing is quiet.
Oliver Smith is liar.
Dan Pelt is no more. A wild hog
settled him.
Protracted meeting will begin at
Martson's next Sunday. We've got a
new preacher. His name is Wilson
and he whipped Tad Bullock, Friday,
He is popular with our people, and
will. we think, do great work for the
church.
Old Mrs. Rolston grabbed up some
hot water the other day and scalded
Sim Bumpus.
Our neighborhood is threatened with
hog cholera.
Mage Brown fell off his horse Satur-
day and split his head open. He's
dead.
Mike Brady has got a new suit OF
clothes.
John Fillpot killed Jack Walton day
before yesterday.
Sorry have no news. If any thing
happens will let you know.-Arkan-
saw Traveller.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26
COURTSHIP IN ALASKA.
circumstances That Combined to MAXI
Mr.. warnken's Marriage IA Failure.

circumstances That Combined to Make
Mr.. warnken's Marriage IA Failure.
John Warnken is a bold mariner
and fisherman who, during the past
seven months, has been engaged at a
fishing station in Alaska, but is now on
the briny ocean as coasting seaman.
There is a heavy burden on Johns
heart and mind. and it will require
great deal of patience before he re-
lieves himself of the weight. This
burden is no less than separation
from his lady love in far-off Alaska.
For two years past Warnken, or, as he
is termed, "Nickel-plated Johnny. u"
has been hopelessly smitten with the
charms of the young daughter OF an
old half-breed Aleut rejoicing in the
name of Melekoff, Nightly he would
venture on frail boat across the
raging waters of the river to visit his
lady-love, but beyond the signs that the
lovers are TO greet their inamoratas
with, neither he nor she were able to
converse with one another unless by
dLu vi dill
Matters, however, eliminated in a
proposal of marriage during August
last. The proposition was accepted,
and it was arranged that the wedding
should take place when the Russia
priest visited the village. The eccle-
siastic arrived, but Johnny's co-labor-
ers were grievously disappointed, and
Johnny himself saw his visions of bliss
fading when the priest refused to marry
him until he could procure some docu-
mentary evidence to prove that he had
no wife living. His hopes thus dashed
to the ground, he moped and pondered
so seriously that his condition, both
mentally and physically became alarm
ing. When Bishop Vladimir visited
Alaska, Warnken applied to him for
permission to marry his dear Marcia,
but again he met with a refusal. With
4 determination worthy of better
cause, he resolved to endeavor to marry
his lady-love under the laws of the
United States. He stated to the father
that by getting her to Kadjak he
thought to enlist the services of the
school teacher, who is an ordained min
lister and also acts under dispense
ton from Governor Swineford as a
justice OF the peace. With many en-
braces and VOWS OF eternal love ex-
changed in pantomimic manner,
Johnny and his fair Marcia bid adieu.
When the vessel returned to the fish
cry letter was received from the tickle
mariner stating that las he could not
obtain work in Kadjak for the winter
his dear Marcia must wait for him till
next year. Meanwhile he would save
his money and work hard this winter
so as to marry her in the coming sum-
mer. This letter was written in Rus
sian to the girls father and evoked
considerable wrath on the head of the
departed swain. When the last vessel
left the fishing station there were ru-
mors that the fair Marcia had trans
ferred her affections to friend of
Johnny's, who remains at the station
during the present winter. 1t may be
stated that the Russian priests and
Bishop Vladimir view with great dis
like the marriage of any Aleut or creole
woman to an American.-Cor. Chi
cago Herald.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26
MISCELLANEOUS

"A porl1er in Otoe County, Ne
braska, emerged from an attack of
cholera with its bristles, formerly
black, a very pronounced gray.
"A Grand Rapids, Ia, lad, wears
artificial limbs as II result of having
been frost-bitten during the great
blizzard.
Pneumonia causes the death of
over 300 people annually in New
York City alone. March is the most
fatal month, the average number of
deaths in that month for the past ten
years being 40.
-AMichigan court, was lately called
upon to decide whether woman
seventy-four years old can drive a
horse thirty-two years old through
mud ten inches deep faster than the
four miles an hour permitted by law.
A man was recently examined at
Galveston for a license to practice law.
I'm order to constitute last will what
is essential?" asked the lawyer who
was questioning the applicant. "a
corpse and some property are all that
Is necessary" was the reply.
There is dog employed in the
the postal service in the Office at Allen
town. The mail bags are laid on the
pavement and the dog sits on them till
the proper person takes them away.
al To fn,1ah tho ha oo
while in the dogs custody.
Preserved Gaige was the queer
Puritan name OF one of John Nor
risey's cronies who was buried in New
York one day recently. Lord Chester
field" was his nickname. The hearse
containing his mortal part, on its way to
the cemetery, passed the very saloons
in which he had dissipated a fortune Of
$500, 900.
"A search was lately begun in the
-Adriatic sea, near Trieste. for treasure
which went down with the French cor
vette Danal in 1912. The treasure con-
sisted of jewels and valuables destined
for an exalted parsonage at Trieste.
The vessel sank as the result of an ex-
plosion, and since, it seems, not a
vestige OF the craft or its treasure has
been found.
About ten years ago an old gentle
man of Gainesville, Ga, bought Post
office money order to make payment
due in another State. Thinking it was
simply receipt for the money, and
that Postmaster Wikie would send on
the funds, he put the paper away and
considered the matter settled. Recent
ly the parties began to dun him for the
amount when he hunted up the money
order and took it to the Office, when
Henry Miller explained the matter to
him, and the order, given in 1873, was
duly forwarded.
The number OF artificial teeth made
in America last year by three of the
largest business houses engaged in the
trade was nearly 20,000,000, and this
was not more than half the actual
product of the country. One peculiar
feature of the business is that the
houses which do the most extensive
export trade are obliged to prepare
teeth of different colors for different
countries. In Canada, for instance, the
demand is for molars as white as snow,
while in South America no such teeth
could be sold. There they require
teeth that are almost yellow, and the
trade from China, which is lucrative
one. is for nothing but black teeth.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26

There was great excitement in the
Omaha depot the other day. A noise
like the crying of child was traced to
q closed trunk. and when the bystand-
ers put their ears closer they were
sure that something was wrong. my
God" cried one; give me handspike
or something. There is child inside.
and it will smother" No handspike
was at hand, and people began to pull
keys out OF their pockets. and ut last
the lock clicked. The cover was
raised and inside were discovered an
old maltese cat and five newborn
kittens.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-26

Young Physician Cat consultation
i have no hesitation in pronouncing
the disease angina pectoris complicated
with muscular atrophY.
Old Physician-You haven't hey?
Young man, when you have been
practicing forty years you will have
learned how to hesitate. sir. 1t is i'm
portant in case Of this kind. sir, to
hesitate, and it is also more profess
sional. sir.
Young Physician-Nay 1 ask you,
sir, what your opinion is Of the disease?
Old Physician (impressively)-The
disease. sir, is muscular atrophy. COM
plioated with angina pectoris.
Young Physician (humbly)-Yes, sir
Chicago Tribune.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
RECOGNIZED BY THE DRIVER.
BRIEFLY REACHES BOSTON.
He Says He Paid the Costs of Mrs.
Maybrick's Defense.

dc says k1o F6lu Inc CObbS OF MTBs
Maybrick's Defense.
Boston, MASS, Sept. 1.--Albert Briefly,
the Liverpool merchant who has gained
world notoriety through his connec-
ton with the Maybrick murder, was a
cabin passenger on the Cunard steamship
Scythia, which arrived at East Boston this
morning. To reporter be said; 81 have
no statement. When l left England | told
all that there was to say. Icame to America
to escape the notoriety, aud do not want to
figure in the daily journals He said he
heard of Mrs. Maybrick's reprieVe at
Queenstown.
BE PAID THE COSTS OF THE TRIAL.
SIS 1t true that you paid the costs Of the
trial, amounting to e6,500P
"Yes," he answered, THAT was the
sum-"
"Do you care to say anything regarding
your relations with Mrs. MaybrickT
Nothing more than have already said"
he replied. "All l can say is that / have
figured more prominently in the case in
print than any real connection with it wa
ranted. Besides this, I have nothing
to say as TO where l am going
IN Boston. or after / leave there | have
nothing to say regarding anything, and you
will oblige me by bringing your questions
to close" he then went below, refusing
to talk further. After leaving the steamer,
all trace of him was lost.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
NO sULKING IN OHIO.
The Democrats in Line and Ready for
the Fight

The Democrats in Line and Ready for
the Fight.
COLUMBUS, o., Sept. 1.-The Post TO-
night has the following interview with
Allen W. Thurman:
"How do you like the result at Daytong'
asked the Post of Allen W. Thurman this
morning
81 suppose you mean how do l like the
nomination. Well, [ preferred Neal, of
course, but mean to do everything in my
power to assist Mr.. Campbell, and every
other adherent of Mr.. Neal will do the same
thing.
'"The platform is the best adopted by any
democratic convention for years We took
no steps backward, but forward, on the
subject of the tariff; and promise you that
we will make it so warm for the republi-
cans on that issue and the way in which it
is connected with local self-government that
they will have no time to spare in discuss
ing other issues. The space devoted to
abuse of Mr.. Campbell by the republican
papers this morning shows plainly that
they desire to turn the issue in other direc-
tions."
''All of this talk about Mr.. Campbell be-
ing controlled by other people is nonsense,
No man ever lived or ever will live who
can own James E.. Campbell He is not
pullO IuaO way. InOugnG Mr. Neal would
make the stronger candidate, and think SO
still, but man whose personal character is
as pure; whose integrity is such that no
one can assail it, and whose ability is con-
ceded by all, as Mr. Campbell's is cannot
help but make most formidable oandi-
date.n
''You don't take any stock, then, in this
howl about the Hamilton county gang in
Everybody knows just what think
about that kind of business, and if Mr..
Campbell is elected. the people of this state
will find out that Mr. Campbell thinks Just
exactly as do. There will be no George
Cox appointed by Campbell to fill one Of
the most important Offices in the state.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
TO MAKE 1T HOT FOR TANNER.
The Crusade to Gust Him to Take on
a New Impetus.

New Impetus.
WASHINGTON, Sept. 1.-Corporal Tan
ner and Assistants Secretary Bussey are ex-
pected back tomorrow and Secretary
Noble on Tuesday, when the struggle for
the removal of Corporal Tanner will be
renewed. Corporal Tanner being some
what strengthened by his Milwaukee
Qualified Endorsement" and somewhat
weakened by his Milwaukee "Widow's',
speech On the balance he is perhaps not
stronger than when he left for
Milwaukee. Therefore the chances of his
removal are thought by those who are seek
ing it to be good. Republican Represeta-
tive-elect Flood Of Elmira, n Y, who was
so savagely attacked by Corporal Tanner
on his way to Milwaukee, is here to do what
he can to have Corporal Tanner removed.
A NATIONAL DISGRACE.
He said to-day that it was national dis
grace to have such man at the head of the
pension office. He also said that unless the
republican administration relieved the Re-
publican party Of this burden promptly
that he Flood would resign his seat In the
House and let the democrats elect his sue
cessor, so as to cut the republican majority
down. This threat. he thinks may facili-
tate the removal of Corporal Tanner.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
STRIKERS BOUND TO STICK.
The Mass Meeting at hyde Park Gives
No Sign of Surrender.


LONDON, Sept 1.-Two thousand coal
beavers and bargemen, employed by Parker
Lambert, have joined the strikers.
The council of the strikers held meeting
last evening, and, after a long discussion,
decided to continue the strike.
A monster meeting of the strikers was
held in Hyde park this afternoon. Burns,
the socialist agitator, and other labor lead
ers made speeches. Resolutions declaring
that the men would continue the strike
until their demands were fully conceded
were unanimously adopted. The enormous
crowd dispersed in an orderly manner.
WON'T BE BENEFIT.
The Economist predicts a disastrous re-
suit for the strikers il they obtain the g.
pence rate with four-hour minimum 1t
says: The number of men seeking work
at the docks viii largely increase. The
companies will employ more permanent
men, or avail themselves of fewer cas- al
employees. Only a few viii be benefited
The lot OF the many will be harder than
ever. The law of the survival of the fittest
will be exemplified by the strike, the wide
reaching consequences of which will be
unprecedented in London's history"
THE CROWD IN THE PARK.
1t is estimated that $50. 900 persons took
part in the demonstration at Hyde park.
During the progress of the meeting Mr.
Burns and Others passed through the crowd
and took up collection for the benefit of
the strikers. The money was received in
hats and parasols, and large sum was OBJ
tained. An American gentleman who was
present gave handsome donation.
Five thousand railroad men held a meet
ing at Darlington to-day and decided to
strike unless shorter hours of labor were
granted.
CONGRATULATED BY THE CARDINAL.
Cardinal Manning sent a messenger to
Hyde park to request Mr.. Burns to visit him.
In co nphance with this invitation Mr. Burns
called upon the cardinal after the meeting.
when his eminence expressed admiration
for the excellent order maintained. and
congratulated Mr. Burns upon the general
good behavior Of the strikers
A mass meeting of dockmen and others
was held at Southwark, at which project
was mooted to form a separate committee
for South London in order to have better
voice in the conduct of the strike MIR
Quelch, as leader of the social democratic
federation, denounced the manifesto calling
for the general strike. But for that he be-
heved the dock directors would have yielded
to the strikers demand.
The riot insurance rate is advancing.
Canon. Liddon of st. Paul's has subscribed
to the relief fund
In sermon at York to-day Canon Flem-
ing expressed sympathy with the strikers.
Meetings of sympathy are being held
Throughout the country.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
FRUIT BRANDY TAKES.

Alleged Attitude of the Southern Con
gressmen on the Subject.
WASHINGTON, Sept. ii. w. Bradfeld,
agent for the repeal of the tobacco and fruit
brandy taxes, says he has received letters
from the southern republican representa-
tives elect indicating that they will support
no one for speaker who does not favor t his
repeal and will make pledges for it condi-
tion precedent to going into the caucus. If
they should delay voting it would hurt
Mckinley on the first ballot, as he counts
on most of the votes
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
MALIEToA's RETURN.
BURIED BEsrDEaHER FATHER.
The Impressive Funeral of Mrs
Christian at Lexington.

The Impressive Funeral of Mrs.
Christian at Lexington.
LEXINGTON, VA, Sept. 1.-The funeral
services over the remains of Mrs. Julia
Jackson Christian took place this morning
at the Presbyterian church. The services
were conducted by Rev. Thomas L. Preston
D. D., pastor, assisted by Rev; Ebenezsr
junk /. D. D., of Houston, Tex. The
church was jammed, the entire popu-
lation of the place being out
The weather was fair and warm
The body was inferred beside her fathers,
Gen. Thomas j. (Stonewall Jackson. The
scene at the church and grave was unusu-
ally pathetic. Many of the battle-scarred
veterans of the confederacy, with heads
bowed and in tears, watched the remains
laid to rest. Choice floral offerings came
from many places The funeral party from
Charlotte, n c., left here tonight for home.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
HARRISON STAYS INDOORS.

An Outline of His Plans for the Next
Week.
DEER PARK, Nd, Sept. 1.-The President
remained indoors about all day and did not
attend church as usual. 1t is probable that
he will leave Deer Park the middle of this
week, perhaps on Wednesday, and go
to Washington. The President has been
urged to go to the celebration of Log
Cabin college, IN Pennsylvania. the fore
runner Of Princeton university, and on
Thursday he may go there. A week from to-
morrow he will probably attend the indus
trial parade in Baltimore, and arrive back
in Deer Park Tuesday morning.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-02
AN EPIDEMIC OF BURGLARY
The Hous ebreakers Making Life Bur
den for Householders in New York
York and it's Suburbs.
(Copyrtght 1892

(Copyriglt 1892
NEW YORK Aug 81. 31.-Fashionables and
well-to-do people living in New York and
its suburbs have been in a state Of something
akin to terror this summer owing to the
numerous burglaries. Daylight house
breaking has become the rule rather than
the exception among the knights of the
cold chisel and jimmy. for they get quite as
much swag and stand less chance of arrest
than when working under cover Of dark
ness. Their plan is to spot" the residence
of some family who have gone out of town,
and to effect an entrance between 10 O'Clock
a. m. and 4 O'clock p. M. This leaves them
with several hours of uninterrupted ran
acking.
'"rhere's one thing a daylight burglar
will never do" said an old headauarters
detective yesterday. "He will not tackle
a good, old-fashioned bolt All the fancy
locks in the world won't faze bin; but waen
it comes to "a stout bolt, fastened with a
good hasp and well driven in Mr.. Burglar
can't burgle worth cent. Now, feel CO.
certain that If the people would only adopt
this suggestion aud put bolts yin their bass
ments and halls as well as in the back door
where they are now, they might almost
defy intruders OF course, burglars at
night viii seek entrance in variety of
ways. The most expert come in either by a
rear window or by the second-story front
windows. But people prepare for them at
night, and are not 50 well guarded in the
daytime
One Of the very latest devices to frighten
Off burglars is a cracker that goes of with
a loud datonation when a door is opened
It can be attached to window with equal
facility. Naturally the intruder il startIe1
at the tremendous racket. and either pauses
or bolts incontineltly. In any event, it is
enough to alarm the neighborhood and
waken any one who may be asleep in
the house at the time. Tho exposition is
not sufficient to doany damage Ia the house.
r. A. BURTON.