Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1889-10-12
VARIETIES.

of souls.
Vinegar helps digestion, but sour
temper ruins it.
Why is a goose like cows tail ?
Because they both grow down.
A man may attack roast turkey
valiantly, and yet quail on toast when
suddenly called upon to respond to
one.
Seest thou man rosy in his cheek,
joyful in spirit and amiable in all his
ways. He hath taken good cook to
wife.
The reason that some men can't
make both ends meet is because they
are toe busily engaged in making one
end drink,
job, Notwithstanding the multipli-
city of his boils, was one of the earliest
physicians on record. Did he not
have patience?
A minister who is doing missionary
work in New York City, tells US of
one great tenement house in which he
found two hundred and three saloons
Tell woman she looks fresh and
she will smile all over. Tell man the
same thing and if he doesn't kick you
it is either because he has corns or
daresn't.
81 say, conductah, how comes it that
we've reached ouah destination half
minute late ?"
Front end of trains on time. Rear
ends allus late.
The man who tackles knitting
work pattern in the Household Cor
ner" knows about how woman feels
when she is trying to understand a
printed base ball score.
September makes us glad, for tn
reason that the rollicking oyster be-
gins his season Of Irritation pleasantries,
The oyster is a daisy, a darling, a
dandy Jim" guest to chase the gloom
from our Winter homes.
When an old lady read that "Minis.
ter Reid pays $1,000 year more than
his salary for house rent in Paris"
she said she didn't see how he was go.
ing to keep out Of debt, unless he got
a marriage fee every day and his
church gave him half dozen dona-
ton parties year,
Where did you get that cake,
Annie ?"
Mother gave it to me-"
'She's always agiving you more'n
she does me-"
"Never mind, Harry she's going to
put mustard plasters on US tonight,
and I'll ask her to let you have the
biggest"
But if the soul be really moved
within us. if in the universe it seeks
God, even if it be still sensible to
glory and to love, the clouds of heaven
will hold converse with it, the torrents
will listen to its voice, and the breeze
that passes through the grove seems
to deign to whisper to US something of
those We love.
Darling, | bring you few miser-
able diamonds" said Smith, enamored.
| love you"
81 hate the sight Of you" exclaimed
the girl.
Here is piece of lambs liver for
your darling cat and a sweetbread for
your doggie," said Smith, calmly.
You can ask my hand of papa"
There is nothing-no, nothing
innocent or good that dies and is for
gotten let us hold to that faith or
none. An infant, prattling child,
dying in the cradle will live again in
the better thoughts of those that loved
it, and play its part through them in
redeeming actions Of the world, though
It's body be burnt to ashes or drowned
in the deep sea. Dickens.
Tramp--"Could you give bite to
poor man who hasn't eaten anything
for-"
Lady of the House Shouting
sbrilly) -"Tigel Tigel Come here
Tige"
T. (loftily)-"You are calling your
dog, madam want you to under
stand that | don't eat dog. I'm no
Indian. And he strobe away in silent
dignity.
A man ought to have some regard
for a fitness of things, even when he
quotes proverb. But he hasn't.
That's why it makes householder 80
bowling mad when paper-hanger,
who has been ten days papering three
sides Of hal bed room answers his
reproof by saying that "Rome wasn't
built in q day" 1t wasn't built by
hired man either. The fact that it
was ever uilt proves that.
well, sir, said the old gentleman,
Indignantly, what are you doing
around here again l thought the
delicate hint ! gave you just as you
left the front door last night would
give you TO understand that l don't
like you very WE'LL" And the speaker
looked al his boot in a reminiscent
way.
q did," said the young man, as
look of pain and admiration came over
his face" ''but | thought l would
come and ask you"
"Ask me what"
"If you wouldn't like to Join our
football association y