The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1889-06-08
A DREADFUL BLUNDER
Caused by a Brilliant Idea and a
Butchers Boy.

ButcherS boy.
"Reginald,n said my uncle Jupp-a name
that always set my teeth on edge-"you are
"a fool ood-looking one it is true but an
arrant fool. You have perfectly unequaled
facility for making mess of every thing
you are set to do, and therefore you must
take the only course which, so far as l can
see. will enable you TO exist rs cookbook
ing fool and marry girl with money"
Mr. Jupp made this tiattering speech in
his city counting house. when his clerks had
all disappeared for what they considered
worth calling dinner, and the eminent tai
low merchant was alone with his nephew.
Uncle Jupp had q shrewish wife and a
couple of children, a portentously ugly
pair who. of course would inherit his
money. He was not bad sort of man,
though his brutal rudencss in addressing
me was invariable. His checks, however,
eomcwhat Boftened it, But he was of an
Srritable temper, and of city notions. |, on
the contrary, was essentially only happy on
the sweet shady side of Pail Mall having
West End tastes and proclivities which
would have been fittingly mated with my
Unclc's cash.
"You've tried Sandhurst; and were igno-
niniously plucked you never had brains
pretty premium paid Orbit q Wheeler,
till at length they Cancelled your articles as
YOU We're domOraliZing the office by your
idleness; you tried this office, and made
nothing of the books but blots; you couldn't
even keep the secretaryshp of the Picked
Onions Supply AssOcation-a nice little
thing which any duffer who could write a
formal letter could have held. Why, old
Mango, the Chairman, my old chum, said
even for me they couldn't any longer keep
congenial idiot in the berth. Nobody
knows the bother you've been to me; you do
nothing but get into debt-except play bill
li.l'ds-and even then you're always making
nash of itn
My uncle kept on grumbling to himself as
he looked over his letters, and at last, turn
ing round on his stool, he eyed me for mo-
ment frowningly. Then ne began again,
and with an evident relish for his task.
''You'll have to live on that glOO a year
your poor mother left you" q shuddered)
'unless you can increase it. Ican't go on al
lowing you an income TO fritter away. I've
many calls on my means" (the ordinary
formula of al offensively rich people), land
I've paid a great deal of money for you,
Master Reginald. You're lazy and extrava-
giant, naturally and by long practice a mag
nifcent blunderer. Indeed, If it be possible
to make null of any thing you're the man
to do it.n
''Yes," said my uncle, as if he really liked
the taste of the words, you're lazy, stupid,
spendthrift, nincompoop and blunder-
er, and you certainly act so far as l have
seen, up to each of those characters most
consistently. But thereis no doubt you are
good looking. Your father didn't give you
talent; he hadn't any cleverueSs, nor had
my poor sister, or she'd never have married
Icy certainly sounds better than Jupp, when
yoI haven't banking account, that isl,
''and he was handsome man, and you're,
as | said, handsome fool. Now that's
where your chance is There are plenty of
plain girls with money who don't want
husband with brains-a barbers dummy
that could simper as you do offensive old
brute, even the prospect of loan hardly
compensated for this sort of personality;
''and, therefore, I'll once more do something
for you. But this is really the last time I'll
lend you money enough TO cut good figure
at Cowes, where there are some moneyed
spinsters know, for my old friend Plum
has house there now he's retired He'll
put you up to some good things Never
mind age or looks-cash is the thing -<Then
you'll be provided for You require a wife
to keep you; you never could keep a wife,
and you amt worth your salt at any sort of
occupation, unless ii were as a shopwalker,
and then you'd send the ladies TO the wrong
departments. So do as tell you, go down
to morrow, Ill give you the check for eX-
penses now" %, delightful wordsD II
shall call at your lodgings tomorrow and
pay your rent, tell your landlady, and any
other debts. But, remember, if you don't
make a hit now you needn't expect any
thing from me.n
phn 10 ,, 7 aF,,lI
swell, whether you do or don't, you won't
get it," said he as he took out his check
book and proceeded to fill up leaf. "If you
can't get your nest feathered now, you can
go featherless."
With these touching words my uncle
handed me the second check, and nodding
in sign of farewell, immersed himself in his
correspondence. / felt much relief as left
the associations of tallow behind me- but
not myself until swift hanson had deposit
ed me at a well-known restaurant in the
strand, after cashing the check on the way.
You are not to take all my savage uncle's
rudenesses as correct. There were some
things which l could do-and better than
most Ten. 1 could waltz exQuisitely, and
had Spanish facility for rolling cigar
cites.
dned as gentleman should, and over a
really indispensable bottle of Burgundy re-
fiected onmy CUwes expedition. 1t seemed
great pity that man with my personal
gifts should be the victim OF matrimony;
but even that resource was be tier than eX-
isting-if men can exist 10 the proper sense
of the word-on R100 yeai And was in
debt. It's all very well. but you can't ex-
pect a man of society TO look al these things
like "a grubby man of business. | had
expensive tastes, and ought to have had Mr..
Jupp's money. He had none, except for
vugarly snowy furniture and old port But
/ had various ones, and In fact was not
going 10 stint myself in the cultivation of
my refined tastes on account OF mere sordiJ
figures. &c. ou the whole, | fancied my
uncle's vulgar suggestions were worth con
sidering. No doubt such a man as could
easily marry money, but 1t must be good
round sum. And | must have proper
amount settled ON myself, and unrestrained
liberty of action. And after such mar
riage, as there would be no need TO cultivate
him any more, l should most decidedly drop
4he acouaintance of Mr. JUMP and his family