The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-04-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

Talking about nothing In particular,
can a bar fran a chandeliers matin
paon be called a crow-bar?-Binghana-
ton Republican.
Large checks" for ladies' dresses is
an old, old fashion. Ask any man
blessed with wife and daughters
Nartha's Vineyard Herald.
Manager-How many characters do
you say there are in your play? Author
I did't say there were any. This is
French society drama.-Puck.
A great man is happiest. when he
can sit down and write his memoirs and
forget all the mean things he knows
about himself.-Neao Orleans Rcayu'ae.
A Philadelphia has constructed a
house which he calls "a poem in
brick" Should it ignite from defec-
tive fue would he call it a versifier?-
NorristoOn Herald.
Scientist Gin restaurant)-Brin me
a decoction of burnt peas, sweetened
with glucose and lightened with chalk
and water. Waiter (vociferously)-
Coffy fer one!-Tinse.
Dillettante-Do you distinguish the
work of an amateur artist by the
technique? Artist-It is safer to Judge
by the big letters he uses in signing
his name.-NeW York Sun.
Il admire that man Smith," said
Squire Closefst at the club, "even if he
is fraud. He managed to borrow so
from me the other day, and | admire
him for it. "-Harper's Bazar.
Old hubbv-Don't 90 on so, my
dear, just because l spent a little
money. | have enough for life.
Young wife-But just think of me
after you are gone.-NeaO York Sun.
Miss Lovelorn-The professor says
have the inventive genius. Miss Caus-
tique = Perhaps you misunderstood
h i'm. No doubt he meant you were
full of new wrinkles. York San.
They will pay for my joke on pub
lication," groaned Crabley, as he
dropped the editors note to the floor.
Great Scott! l wanted that money
for a board bill, not a tombstone!'-
Puck.
John Bright is said to have once
told Justin Mccarthy that he had a
passionate love for doing nothing.
1t is a sort of Bright's disease that has
come to more than one lazy man.
NetO Orleans Picayune.
Stranger CATER ten years absence)
What became of Bad, Luck u Co.?
When [ left they were in financial
straits selling out at cost. Citizen
They are at the old stand--still selling
out.-Ne10 York Weekly.
NJ. AJoru;ppoe- An, c,,ro pou,
dive b'lave that woman in the shanty
beyant is Mr.. O'Hoolihan's wife? Mrs.
Du Ghann-Och, there's no doubt
about that. Oi've heared him batin'
her.-PhiLddelphia Record.
Aunt Deborah (religiously)-Woe to
the man who marries those Flybelle
girls; for they toll not, neither do they
spin. Miss Daisy-O, Aunt Deborah
you wrong them, indeed you do! l
meet them often at dances.-LJe.
Deacon Crybones Cat meeting to
protest against Inauguration balls)
Dancing my brethren and sistern,
is simply hugging to music. Unso-
phisticated sister-Is that all it is? /
got an idea somehow that dancing was
something wicked.-1tne.
Mrs. De Horrors! Going
to marry that young Mr. Hayseed'
Are you crazy? He eats pie with 3
knife" Miss De Culture-s'I know it,
ma, but love him." You'll die of
disgust" NO J won't. I'll never
have pie. Philadelphia Record
Said Paddleford to his wife on the
way back from the museum: Il am
firmly convinced that women have an
innate, natural, constitutional love OF
the horrible Good thing for you,'
she rctorted, ''or you might have been
a bachelor to your dying day."-Lye.
Ethel-When does your breach Of
promise suit take place, Clara? Clara
tsobblng) L - tomorrow. Ethel
(sympathizingly)-I am sorry to see
You SO overcome, Clara, dear. Clara
%, it's nothing, Ethel; am simply
practicing for the jury!-On a Week.
Wife Coming home from church,
MI. Goodman Is certainly remarkable
man. Eusband-Why do you think
so? Wife-Because he only returned
from Europe last week and he didn't
besln his sermon with the remark,
"When l was in So-and-so"- The
Epoch.
Philadelphian-"Is it true that the
Sorosis Society has gone or is going
out OF existence?'-New York girl
Yes: You see, everybody knew who
the charter members were, and-and
well they thought the society had
lived long enough" - PHILADELPHIA
Record.
De Jones (haughtily)-"I cawn't
see, me good man, why you should
appeal to me for relief Tramp
NV ell, sor, Oh saw yez borry some
thin from yer friend down beyant,
and as we'd both been broke Oh thought
ord trust TO Yer fellow feelin'r'-TeIas
Sytings.
Wife i see that our neighbor,
Bonds, is down again. Husband
What is it this time? Wheat, l sup
pose? Wife-No, l think from his APP
pearance that it was rye that has floor
ed him now. And don't want YOU to
dabble with it any more, either.-Low.
ell Citizen
Mistress-Marie, l saw you kissing
young man at the kitchen door this
morning. want you to understand
that l will not stand that sort of thing
at all. Marie-Pardon me, madam;
did not know the young man was
friend of yours. 1t shall not occur
again.--Terre Haute Express.
Dawdie-Where does this man AL
kali come from that desires to Join our
art club? Bangle-He's from Arizona.
Dawdie - Arizona? What does he
know about art, any way? Bangle
Why, my dear boy. lie told me he was
Chairman of the Hanging Committee
several times in Coyote Gulch.-LoUeH
Citizen.
Mrs. Ghastor-"O, Mrs. Thoughtly,
| was surprised to hear that your eldest
daughter is engaged to an Irish trades
man." Mrs. Thoughtly-"Perfectly
true. He's a plumber and owns six
large shops. He takes us all to Eu-
rope after the wedding" You have
my sincere congratulations!''- Teas