Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1889-05-22
A TRAVELLERS TIPS,
he Gives His Ideas and Impressions
About Chicar0.

he Gives His Ideas and Impressions
About Chicago.
It is the French who say nothing can be
interesting unless it is at least q little
wicked.
Shccawgo is a very interesting CITY It
was laid out crooked by the Pettawattomies.
who later were laid out straight-sent to
pot, as it were. Thus early did the town
discover its magnificent terminal facili-
ties!' And its crooked pathsa Why, they
have since been made perfectly straight
on the map!
1t is evident there was to be considerable
go to Shecawgo. Once it was about gone,
but it started up again as fresh as q burnt
out circus-and what new elephants it had !
Business men who fail to make 20 of it
elsewhere go to Shecawgo, intending to
succeed from the word go-or bust.
The busts keep ten blonde mercantile
agency typewrlters on the go; and when
New York gets its copy Of crooked assets i;
says: Here's another pretty go in She
cawgo!'
Still, there are those who, by strict atten-
ton to their own and st. Louis business,
manage to thrive!
The city fathers predict million inhablt-
ants in two years; in five they expect to
take III Joliet as an additional ward!
And what about Joliets
Why, Joliet has an additional ward tor
ShecaWgo's Doodle fathers and has taken In
IN installment on the ten-year plan!
Shecawgo always dresses well. Its calves
and hogs are known to be the best dressed
in the country. Ask Mr.. Armour.
Every body in Shecawgo belongs to some
club. The one having the largest member
ship is the famous Ananias.
Strangers desiring to. see a match or a
match declared off take Mr. Yerkes' cable
to the baseball or divorce grounds. But
many have their own grounds for divorce
Shecawgo builds on the rapid transit plan.
The proposed new street is first outlined
by elevated plank sidewalks six feet above
prairie level.
The houses are then run up, the front
doors being on level with the plankine.
the digging OF cellars being obviated.
When the people have lived on the block
long enough to get the street filled in with
ashes and odd shoes they have it finely
paved, arc lights placed and mounted DO
iceman detailed.
Behold the new boulevard!
There may be occasionally q complaint
about the paving, but as general thing
Shecawgo is paved with good intentions.
Shecawgo has a famous river bv the
same famous name. It is short, but-let,s
hurry-by any other name it's 6fense would
be as rank.
There was once storekeeper whose cat
died on his hands, Having no bur1al-place.
and bethinking himself of a competitor
whom he hated land would like to have
killed were it not for the Bible and the no.
Ice), he resolved to express to him the re-
mains of poor puss.
Shecawgo, with too vast an accumulation
ofdead cat in it's river. is to-day legisIating
gigantic drainage scheme to provide for
the enlargement to ship size of the connect
ing canal by the Illinois river. AS the
shecawgo river will by this means be
flushed into the Illinois, which in its turn
flows into the Mississippi just above sd.
Louis, it looks as il st. Louis were the par
ty destined to get the dead cat in underlined.
unlimited quantity.-N Y. World.