Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1889-08-15
THE rRrsH rorE.
An Imaginary Interview with tho
President az TO son sfIsuss.,'

An Imaginary Interview with tho
President as to Son "Isuss.o
Texas Siftings. ...
WASHINGTON, July 31.-MY DEAR JOHNNY:
Russell Harrison is the enfant terrible Of
this administration. l was talking to
President Harrison yesterday about Russ.
"Mr. President" says /, "Julius C@4er
had his Brutus, King Charles had his Orom.
well, jim Blaine had his Burchard, but you
are worse OF than any OF them, for you
have your son Russ. That promising
young man ia going to be the cause Of the
Democrats having your political nide on
the fence after the next Presidential cleo
ton. Whist this administration needs is
Russ scalp stretched on shlngle. The
Democratic bombs that explode outside of
the Republican citadel do very little dam
age, but Russ explodes inside of our
citadel, and 1t seems to me he never gets
through exploding. II he amt squelched.
ne will blow US all up. Mica business this
ts, when We need every Irish vote, for him
TO be sleeping at Windsor Castle and
lunching with the Prince OF Wales. Moe
way that is TO make the Irish voters love US
and re-elect us! Just you wait, Mr.. Presi-
dent. At the next election, when we go
before the people as the friend oil the Labor
ing man, the Democrats and the Irish will
taunt us with this Windsor Castle bust
ness"
F." But Col. Snort" said Harrison with one
OF his cynical, frozen smiles, II thought
you had started your new paper, Bill
Shorts Harrison Vindiodtor, for the very
purpose OF vlndlcating the mistakes of the
Administration. Cannot you, as the great
Texas journalist, vindicate Russ's little
indiscretion at the Court OF 81. James 2"
"Mr. President, when 1t comes TO vIndi-
eating peopla who have disgraced and
compromised themselves, l aul regular
John l.. Sullivan. l Gao vlndIcHte your D.
pointing young, seedy and disreputable
relatives TO office; / can vlnnicate your
bad breaks aud your civil service reform
hypocrisy; can evea go no far as to VIM
dictate you for appointing ntgger eX-oon-
vlcts TO Office; can vlndicAte L'ge Hal
ford for paying hiB personal debts with
Federal appointments. In fact, can vim
dictate this administration for any rascRlity
| 1t may commit ~ the future, md plso for
its past cro3ReduDs5, but can't vindicnte
the damphooli7hues., and Russ has more oil
| 1t to the square inch than any other menu
| Der of the family"
al supposed you were equal to almost
any emergency" retorted Harrison with u
| sheer.
"1r. President, let me tell you little
| story: A cooper oaca SGT himself up In
business In IA certain town and announced
that hs WAS ready to repair ali damaged
casks and barrels. He did repair at Tea-
l
barrels that were brought 10 him, without
| complaining, but when one .mean old cuse
| brought btm bunghOle and asked him tC
| build barrel around II, then that cooper
| rendered his resignation. Now. Russ Hafri
son ia the bunghoie around which you ex
pect me to make II barrel. Blu Snort,
| Harrison Vindcntor can repair any number
Of damaged regulations, ike yours and
WRnAmaker's, but don't propose to build
barrels around bungholes. That's asking
loo much. IL 1 am to vindicate Russ, III
just go out and take In my slga, for there
Is no hope Of you being reelected unless
something sad happens to Russ. 1t woult
be good idea, MIR. President, II you were
to follow the example OF Abraham. You
offer up Russ. and rely on me being OF
hand 10 keep the angel from interfering
Russ has to be sacrificed"
Colonel Snort, you shock me by such
sacrllegious suggestion, !" said Harrison In
dlgnantIy.
you will be shocked much more whe,
the result OF ths next Presidential election
Ia announced and you have to adopt SOM
legitimate business TO MAKE living. How
Il 1t that not even Brother Wauamaker caI
discern the signs OF the times CLEVELAND
was supposed, thanks to the bogus Sack
ville-West letter, to favor the English
What was the result Although CLEVELAND
fired this English minister out OF the coun
| Try, IL WAS lbo ldto W COuCllihtb inc lrlSl
| vote. The IRISH voted against him aud yol
were elected. Now Russ, instead OF retain
ing the irish vote by being hand In GLOW
with Parnell, O'Brien and the rest of them
here he ia taking tea with her most era
cious majesty, lunehing with Wales an
exasperatlng our Irish friends, who wi
vote for Cleveland next time and you wi
he In the gonsomme. That's what Grow
Prince Russ has done for this administrG
ton, Mr.. President. II Russ Was only a
orphan by birth, so to speak, 1t would DO
great thlrg for his father and the sdminiE
trstion In general"
Harrison was scared. He saw for tn
first time he was In hole, and he alRo pei
ceived clearly that bis only hope OF gettin
out OF 1t was through the assistance OF tbs
great Texas Journalist, Bill Snort, so with
conciiatory smile he said:
'Oant you suggest some way, Colon(
Snort, by which tho lriah vote can be cor
cillated 2"
SIN the fret place, sit down hard o
Russ. Gable him TO return at once withou
bidding farewell to the queen or any OF th
royal family. He must snub them polluted,
Perhaps that will put the Cian-na. Gael 1
good humor."
I'm do It at once" replied Harrison.
When l undertook to vindicate this al
ministration had no Idea OF the magnitud
OF the job. Verify | have bitten of NOR
than | can conveniently masticate. Til
President expects me TO vindlcata Corpora
Tanner, tho surplus buster, along with th
rest OF them. This ia rubbing 1t in. sha
certainly strike the administration for
raise In my salary. Wonder II Baby McKe
is to be vindtcated, too2 Dear Johnnl
never undertake to vindicate an admini
tration, or you may lnjure yourself into
nally. Your friend, BILL SNORT.
-----Ss-s-~-
what Justice Lamar Saw.