davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
A CONVINCING ARGUMENT.

"You never loved me, John," sobbed
Mrs. Bilius, Historically.
maria, " exclaimed Mr.. Bilius, earn
estly, ''you are mistaken. If you will
look back over the family expense account
you will find that it cost us $27.5 for
repairing rocking chairs during the first
three years of our married life. ~ Chicago
Tribune.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
AM uNFoRTuNATE PARENT.

s'I will ask you to state, said the
lawyer. ewhether you have any other
children than this young man now on
trial for stealinga"
"Your Honor" exclaimed the witness,
to the Judge, 'do l have to
answer that question:"
II see no reason why you should not,
answered the Judge. "You may answer
it,"
II have one other child, but I had
hoped it would not be necessary to speak
Of her. She turned out badly, !" faltered
the witness. "She married an English
aobleman."
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
A VETERANS APPEAL

Applicant-"Can yer help an old SOL
lier, mum9"
Benevolent Lady-"Poor fellow, here's
dollar for you. Were you wounded9"
Applicant (pocketing the bilD-"No,
mum, but I wuz 'mong the missin'
vice"
Benevolent Lady-"How terrible.
When was it?"
Applicant-"Jest 'afore tn battles Of
Antietam an tn Wilderness, num-
Mdge.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.

hree Stages-A Chicago Quarrel
Knew His Man-She Got Fits
No Cause to Worry, Etc, Etc
Signing like furnace
Over ears in love,
Blind in alteration
OF his lady's glove.
Thinks no girl was ever
Quite as sweet as she,
Tells you she's an angel,
Expects you to agree.
II.
Moping and repining,
Gloomy and morose,
Asks the price of poison,
Thinks he'll take dosI
Women are SO tickle,
Love is all sham,
Marriage is failure,
Like a broken dam
III.
Thistling, blithe and cheerful,
Always bright and gay,
Joking, singing, laughing,
All the livelong day.
Full of fun and frolic,
Caught in Fashions whirl,
Thinks no more of poison
Cot another girl.
-SomerrilEe Journal.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
NO USE.

"Mariah, have you the night key9"
ssked Mr.. Littleton.
eyes, sir, have the night key"
"Would you mind lending it to me?"
"Certainly not
"Ah, thanks, very much.m
"By the way, Mr.. Littleton, think /
lad better mention that I am in the
labit of bolting the front door on the in
tide every night to keep burglars out. y
Merchant Traoeler.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
KNEW HIS MAN.

Will Neverwork (who has been grow
ing up with the country)-"Well, I've
made fortune, and got married.
Sam Thotso-'How much was she
worthW-EpOch. -..,s
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25

Calm Physician-s'No, but you might
die some timewhen would be otherwise
engaged, and it is not well to delay the
autopsy until decay seizes upon the more
delicate tissue. Hold your breath while
1 take out your lungs, please. ."-BaIrdetts.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
M ruE rNrEREsr on SCIENCE.

j, Dyspeptic Patient--"Good heavens,
doctor, what are you taking all those
!aurderous things out for9"
Jealous Physician (who worships his
profession -''For the autopsy;I I ann go
.ng to find out what is the matter with
7op,' ;zsa is.3
Alarmed Patient (who Is unduly sensi-
.tive) % But ! am not dead yeti t'.f
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
NO CAUSE TO WORRY.

Mr.. snagsby-"Your friend Miss
Rapp has been treating me very ill. She
called me IAN old fool just now"
Miss Sharp-"How silly of you TO mind
it, when you know you are not thirty
yet. "-Scri6aer's Magazine.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
A BASIS OF COMPUTATION.

Miss Lulu Strike Ito lawyer)-"I want
to bring legal action against q monster
who has trampled on my affections"
Lawyer-"Ah, yes, that's natural,
very. At how much do you estimate the
damages to your lacerated feelings9"
Miss Strike-"Wel1, he's worth $780,
300. ."-PucE.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
MAKING HAY.

The value ofhay depends to large ex-
tent upon the time when the grass or
clover is cut, as well as upon the manner
of the curing. The following table gives
the feeding value of hay cut and cured
at the different stages of the plants, and
it is well worth the careful study of all
concerned:
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
SIZE GOT GIFTS. "

Miss dc Boy-"How does my new
tailor-made costume fit?"
Winnie Gar with enthusiasm )-"Per.
fectly. Why, it fits every angle9"
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
ssTWo-FoRs."

"Did you get that box of cigars I sent
you2" inquired his fancee.
eyes, dear"
"And how did you like them9"
"The box was very nice, indeed" he
said, softly.-JWdge.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
A CHICAGO QUARREL

Lawyer Quibble-"You, a doctor?
Why, you couldn't cure ham"
DR.. Sawbones-"And you, sir;
couldn't try case of lard"
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
WHERE WORK IS PLEASANT.


Neglected Wife-''Why don't you go
to work?"
Husband "a ne'er-do-welD D-'T Tain't got
no tools"
Neglected Wife--''Deacon Smith offered
you five dollars to fix his fence, and
you have saw, and plane, and a ham
mer and nails. What more do you want 2"
Husband-"T saw amt no good, and
I amt got no file to sharpen it. Ole
Smith can fix his fence hisself."
Same Husband Gen years later)-
"Hist Say, wife, I've escaped from the
penitentiary. Gimme some other clothes,
so kin light out agin."
Wife-"AIy, myl How did you get
out 2"
Husband-"I dug forty feet under.
ground with two-tined fork, and then
cut my way through two feet of stone
wall and ten inches of boiler iron with a
saw made out of tin dinner-plate."-
NeaO YORK. Weekly.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-07-25
THE TELEPHONE CAUSED EMBARRASSMENT.

THE TELBPHUNE CAUslJD DEaLbAhHASbMENE
He had never seen telephone, and his
friend was showing him how it worked.
It was in his office. He called up his
house and his wife came to the tele-
phone.
"My dear, Mr.. Jones is here, and l
have asked him to come up to dinner"
Then he turned to Mr.. Jones and
said:
"Put your ear to that and you'll hear
the answer"
He did, and this was the answer:
"Now, John, l told I would never
have that disagreeable wretch in my
house again"
"What was that2' spoke out Mr.. Jones.
Women are quick. A man would have
simply backed away from the telephone
and said no more. She took in the stu
alton in second when she heard the
strange voice, and quick as flash came
back the sweetest kind of a voice:
"Why, Mr.. Jones, how do you do2 !
thought my husband meant another Mr..
Jones. Do come up to dinner. shall
be SO glad to see you" San Francisco
Chronicle.
Great Falls tribune., 1889-01-01

IE-ANNUAL NUMBER
Of the Pckly the which glorious panorama
from the car windows no considerable watercouse met with until the
reached which gathering
the Snowy
length continent Warm mineral
springs locality game abundant beans mountain
buffalo
city Falls
front Of which bay
Now the surface sheeted with during eight year
Of the wide bay calm
winds from the Pacific and al
before the Missouri gets the freedom the plains preliminary
made DAM below which the
rowed e feet and makes vertical plunge Of 2 succeeding rapid
which the descend ten fsetin rods This Black Falls
the preliminary Of
rapids Cters Fall Spring.
quite distance in the
stream itself clean
muddy until joined by the Yellowstone
ward on the beof Dakota Below this sublime spring
the entire breadth which the evenly
descent Of fifty feet has veillke appearance
requires prophet city ar
garden nccld place.
wonderful No products
fields and pastures from the
thousand hills Aeecs
tories Here the grain from countless into -four
hungry Of other lands Here coal
mills and "und Hereores will come from the everlasting hills
parenty at hand the naked range
above the last fringe Of vegetation and wide
leap the valleys
Montana has wealth we'll as beauty Last
nations than all the other territories combined The
Montana from 1862 largest nugget ever
found in the territory had of $2O73
The future of Montana
agricultural possibilities wonderful
the attempts made culvaon the rich natural plains
which in the susted countless wild herds furnishing
food for vigorous life The country
which perhaps for the remarkable raising
na one OF the hest wate the West while the
ude of the tabends and valleys
wyoming Utah. Nevada depression occurring
the continent Montanas highest reaching timber
the Pacific and gives particularly North Montana
the south
FOLSOM, n ST. Pioneer Press
Great Falls tribune., 1889-01-01

GREAT FALLS TRIBUl
s country more broken
and there hill far the
In the middle Of the river we'll covered with timber
undputed
neither
gulf rising
solitary escape
whomade
particular that they
feet beyond
far could he dcere the velocity the
TOP
g plain the site Of F extending
the the Snow Rocky Mountains
Along this winding
filed with
joined by large flowing the northwest valley
miles distinguished by or the
Missouri itself stretches water
conscious the ognes bearing
hks while feeding plains
surround it. ....... ..
AN IMPORTANT NATURAL RDsouRoH
From Lewis and Clarke in Maknaw Hi railway
palace the North Montana
subugion the red man. and the
discovery of mineral wealth with round possibilities
fancy of oriental tales.
gave accurate account the world ever had Of the
Falls the Upper Missouri which nothing
knowledge marvellous water
has been unexe by mechanical devices looking
utliarian eyes
miles along miles from the
guohects Of interest beg right Missouri is
formed the union the Jefferson Madison Gaatn
setting journey distinctive
grandeur beauty by those who
have only its torbd tide dragging through unchngn
unwaveg prairie states or down
where breaks the upon pous muy
flood over fields and homes alike
From the Three Forks the Missouri way through lofty cliffs with
sta curousy coored and twisted meandes along
nge the with shrubbery covered in their
with berries and other wild fruits wonderfully
but here it strangely crystalline and dry without
humidity the wind in its leaving only the mm
hnnce Of cheek
cold rs from spring The stupendous hills aby
esng geological study the great up
heava and yaed color frequently running great heights every
where skid with pine and fir
crev shrubb growth struggles forth
nakedness Of the stony sleeps
At this great the compressed 900
feet and fvni
cash in the uped floor the strata shows
that the water splitting taking place
Great Falls tribune., 1889-01-01

The splendid residence which shown
elsewhere destroyed completed
and for few the furnace had been fired
paserng the night
according to the statement the architect At 230 H.
forth and all efforts the building unavalng
the finest residence in city Mr. Collins
site in the probably building was
insured to the amount Of $4,000
Great Falls tribune., 1889-01-01

where skrted with pine and fir while here
crevices shruhhy growth covering mn the
nakeiness Of the stony sleeps.
At this Of the Rockies 300
feet and into fvee throatof granite
great cash the upe floor the shows
that the water cut through splitting place
during some great convulon The
ing the rough muddy trip before bright
the ohangng cliffs where eagles build wall rises
abruptly that othod the brink way Passing from
TINS wonderful chas low hills object
Bear Tooth Mountain The notable landmark
$500 above the river with dense summit clustering
around which towers bare
feet above the forest like chean be looked Now
the from hard granite
o in which the winds and
And wonderful and gotesque nciu the The
Missouri breaking through the Rocky and un-
dsa chain Of views In which there now
Order with wide valleys between and then the plains by
ridges and beauty grandeur passing the mouth
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
Protection Did 1t.

The best proof OF the industrial progress
of the new South is to be found in the
statistics of railroad building for last ye ar,
just published by The Railway Age.
These show that out of total OF 7,106
miles of new road 446 are to be credited
to Georgia, 347 10 Kentucky, 337 to Ala
bama 302 to Texas, 26S to Missouri, 222
to South Carolina, and 200 to Tennessee,
with smaller figures to other Southern
States, making the total 2,S7S miles, or
about 40 per cent. OF the whole.
Although the larger percentage is still
in favor of the North and West, owing to
the opening OF new lines by the great
competing companies et the North west,
the South can well afford to congratulate
itself upon this evidence OF material pros
perity. She can rejuice now that her peo-
pie are aware of the value of her natural
resources and are applying the most et-
fective machinery 10 the work of devel-
Opment.
The business, men of this new and pros
porous South realize well enough why
aud how this prosperity has come to them,
and they are happy over the grand vic
tory of protection last tall. The old school
politicians still do their best 70 tetard
everything which can bring men aud
money into the country, but the brain,
bIawn and sinsw OF America ale against
them, aad they IN ust go.
Protection does it every tiaie N. T.
Press
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
New WAY OF RAISING BABIES PHILA.

New WAY OF RAISING BABIES. PHILA-
pELPHIA, Pa, Feb 22.-Raising babies
Of premature birih by the aid of a mech
anical incubator ia the latest freak oil
medical science at the Woman's Hospital
North College avenue and Twenty-second
street. For tie first time in this CITY this
process was put to practical test ten
days ago, when Florence kyali, al elghi-
moDths-old child, was wrapped in swad-
ding clothes and placed in the incubator.
The baby is thriving under the process
and apparently ENJOYING the best of
health. She weighed at the time of her
birth about three pounds, or one-half the
weight Of an average newborn child.
The Incubator has raised the baby s
weight up to five pounds within ten days.
She rests in the Incubator constantly, ex-
cept when she is taken out to receive
nouri> hment or is given sponge bath.
The former operation occurs three times
a day and the latter twice.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
GIMBEL BROTHERS.
MILWAUKEE, Feb. 27, 1889.
POINTER: There IS no gain so Ger
tain as saripg sohat you haze.
Brimful of Linen talk.

BrImful OF Linen talk.
We said: "You can't be slow In
catching the advantage of having a
member of the firm in Europe and
you weren't. Three days Of the
Linen Sale is enough to prove that
sob! Such beautiful Hneusr
Beauti full! But good lady, 6eautt:
full not enough. That's the house
keepers danger.
Beautiful of course, but is it good
You don't question that here. There
is the maker back of us to make us
brave In taking responsibilities. But
many linen makers think of moth
ing else but of making their linens
beautiful, thus making their looks
answer for their quality. Whatever
is needed to give beautiful finish
and make them look better and
firmer to inexperts, goes in. That's
tie sort Of Linens you don't want
to buy. "Ho7O am I going to help
myself i'll can't teU2" Go to the
house that knows how to buy, not
the beautiful, but also the good.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
q. n. WIG, Prop, WatertoHn,

only the great railway corporations, but
who watch with an eagle eye the comfort,
the convenience and the lives of the
thousands who iaily and nightly are COM
pel'ed to take advantage of the facilities
afforded by railway transportation.
Gentlemen Of the Wisconsin legislature,
your constituents appeal to you to act up
to the impulses OF your hearts, your con-
sciences, and the justice AND equity in
the case, and restore that law that was
the guardian of Aese men, aud of their
wives and children. 1t will not only
compel railway companies 10 be more
vigilant in looking after the safety of the
vast army of men in their employ, but
coniuce largely to fe,luce to a minimum
the horrible details OF shocking accidents
that too frequently apne"rin the columns
Of the newspapers of the land.
WATERFOWL, Wis, February, 1899.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

On account of the poor health of the
publisher, Miss Emma Brown, Toe Wis
consin Chief has suspended publication
for the present. The subscription list for
uuexpired time will be filled out by the
publishers of The Western Good Templar
as soon AS the books can be copied One
more paper would have completed the
fortieth year of its publication. 1t was
FIRST published in Auburn, n. Y, by T.
w. and Emma Brown under the title OF
The Cayuga Chief. After removing to
to this city it assumed the nsme OF Wis
consin Chief. 1t has been of great service
to the temperance cause. Though many
times laboring under difficulties, it never
ceased to strike effective blows.-Jef. Co.
Union.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

WASHINGTON, Feb. q Up 10 date ali
but about fifteen OF the certificates Oh l4.ed,-
bers-elect of the next house have beeh re-
ceived by Gen. Clark, the clerk OF lie
house. Among those lacking are the CO. :
tlhcates of two representatives from " est
Virginia and one from Tennessee. In re-
gard 10 the case of the West Virgin
members elect, Gen. Clark said that III
his view the governor of the state might
have issued the certificates any day attic
the election and now that the senatorial
contest was over he believed that the GER
tihcates for representatives would soon be
made out. Regarding the Tennessee case,
in which the slate supreme court has &C.
cided that it cannot restrain the governor
from issuing a certificate to Evan, Rep J,
Gen Clark said it would no: be prOpt
for him to express an opinion as TO the
effect OF the decision betty two sets of
certificates. Assuming that Evans will
receive sufficient certificate, the clerk
figures that the Republicans will have 164
and the Democrats 159 members at tne
organization of the next house, not count
ing the West Virginia members. Should
these two seats g) to the Democrats, it
will leave the Republicans with major
ity of three, but the admission of the Da-
kotas, Washington and Montana will in
croasa this majority
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
Epoch.

The Transition from long lingering and
painful sickness to robust health marks
an epoch in the life of the individual.
Such remark BILE event is treasured in
the memory ard and the agency whereby
the good health has been attained is CRATE
fully blessed. Hence it is that so much
is heard IN praise of Electric Bitters. So
many feel they owe their restoration to
health, to the use of the Great Alternative
and Tonic. If you are troubled with any
disease of the Kidneys, Liver or Stomach
of long or short standing you will surely
find relief by use of Electric Bitters. Sold
at soc and 81 per bottle at H. t. Eberle's
Drug Store.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
Their RnSin eSs Booming.

Probably no one thing has caused sue h
a general revival Of trade at II. T. Eberle's
Drug Store as their giving away to their
DIR. Kings New Discovery for Consump'
ton Their trade is simply enormous II
this very valuable article from the ia
that it always cures and never disappoint7
Coughs. Colds. Asthma, Bronchitis
Group, and all throat and lung disease
quickly cured. You can test it before
buying by getting trial bottle free, large
size 81 Every bottle warranted.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

A famous Washington amber, it is
said, will soou 20 10 preaching. He would
have begun it long ago, hut he has only
Just now found cure ter his cough. 1t
is DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup.
"Behoidi the world rests and her tired
inhabitants have paused from trouble aud
turmoil because the customary headache
and neuralgia have heen cured hy Saliva
ton Oil Price rs cents a bottle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
RuckIeu's Arnica Salve.

The Best Salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever
sores, letter, chapped hands. chilblains,
corns, and all skin eruptions, and posi-
lively cures Piles, or no pay required. II
is guaranteed to give Decentralization
or money refunded. Price 20 cents per
cox For sale by H. T EDer'e.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
fousumur,on SuraIy Cured.

To THE EDIToR-Please inform your
readers that | have positive remedy tor
the above named disease. By lis timely
use thousands of hopeless cases have been
permanently cured. L shall be glad to
send two bottles of my remedy free TO any
Of your readers who have coEsum p,ioD, if
they will send me their express and post
Office address Respectfully.
7. A. SLOCUM, N. C. ISL Pearl ST., n. 7.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

In Embroideries, make a II at
the 25c and 123c lots. We count on
their being the best that're about
for that money. We're willing you
should be the judges. Have no hest
tatien about telling US if you don t
think 50. It's your business to, and
ours to see that the cause for COM
plant is removed.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

The next Democratic candidate for
president will be either David r. Hi, or
William G. Whitney, both Of New York.
Hill is the best politician. Whitney is a
good politician and has the most money
II any Democrat had a show to be- elected
president in 1892 it mi. ht be worth while
to consider whether Hill or Whitney had
the best chance. But it ia not.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

He is fool. We mean the man Who
lets his baby cry all night in the arms of
its mother, and does net sleep wink,
when DR.. Bulls Baby Syrup will quiet
the baby by relieving it's pain; bottle
costing only 25c Sold by all druggists.
Keep your digestive apparatus in good
running order with an occasional dose Of
Lxxador ADD you will never have to lay
up for general repairs" Ii regulat,s
tie bowels and purlhes the blood.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

THE certificate of election in the Third
Tennessee district has been given Fl Clay
Evans, the Repn bican. This was one
of the disputed districts. Mr.. Evans is
an old Wisconsin hov; enlisted in the
army from PlatteviHe, but remained South
after the close # the war He is said to
be man of considerable ability. His
brother is j. Fl. Evans, of Platteville, one
of the regents of the State Normal school
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

TURN HIM OUT.-Pnrtland Oregonian
Should Breckenridge have the efron,ery
10 appear in the next congress, as doubt
less he will, he should be unceremoniously
turned out O! doofs. That a seat in coz
gtess should be claimed as a fruit OF tn 8
reign of fraud ard murder is an outrage
on the sensibiities of humanity.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

The great majority OF so-called coue b
cures 90 little more than Impair the d.
gestive functions aud create bile. Aver s
Cherry Pectoral, on the contrary, " bills.
it cures the cough, floes not interfere " b
the functions of either stomach or liver
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27

Let quality, not quantity, be the test
of medicine Ayers Sarsaparllla is the
concentrated extract of the best and pur-
estingredients. Medical men everywher e
recommend it as the surest and most econ
omica blood medicine in the market.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-27
WatertoWn Republican.

BILL was introduced in The Arkansas
legislature to punish by fine and impris-
onment any detectives who shall enter the
state to huui down anil arrest criminals.
This il a broad hint to the brothers oi the
pose to track the assasslus.