Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-02-14
LAUGHABLE GATHERINGS.
A POET may be unsuccessful and "
get big returns.

A POET may be unsuccessful and YET
get big returns.
A oNE-LEGGED man would have rather
hard work getting there with both feet,
I-Rochester POst-Erpress.
FIRST LADY-What an imperious, die.
tatorial, arrogant man that Mr.. Pompns
lis! Second lady-Yes; you know, he
has never been married.
| ANEW YORK lady recently paid 500
for the return of lost skye terrier.
Skye terriers are SO called because they
come so high.-Pihsbugh Chronicle.
BoY-Sav, mister, shall l carry vel
satchel? Do it fer dime. Dude-My
satchel is not heavy. Boy-Well, let
me carry your cane, then.-Ne,r York
Weekly.
SOMEBODY has invented waist at
tachment." 1t may he less 'armful than
the old waist attachment, but it will
never become half so popular. -Drdke's
Magazine.
JARvIs-HOw true the proverb is that
Jervis-And how true it is, too, that a
man does what his wife makes him.
Te,Te Haute Express.
De THoMPKYNs (who has been mar
rating an incident in his career)-O, Im
ne fool Paperwate you're no
fool, but enthusiastically what SUBJ
stitute you would settle.
"PD have you to know that my cousin
moves in the best of society," Does he
That saves society deal of trouble.
One of them would have to move, per
force. Boston Transcript.
A NEW YORK Judge said the other
day: Conviction must fellow crime.
If he had only thought of Mr.. Tascott,
we think he would not have spoken as
he did.-ROchesterP Ost- Express.
MAMMA-IN-LAw (astonished - Why,
Alice! 1 have not seen George kiss you
so much for years. Alice-You see, We
made a little osculatory bet on the
election. George And lost.-Ame,i-
cHR.
| SUNDAY-sCHooL teacher-Why were
only Noah and his family saved in the
ark? Small boy-'Cause Noah was good
and didn't ask nothin'. The rest wanted
the earth, an they got it.-NeT York
Weekly.
| WIFE-Shall 1 put your diamond
studs in your shirt, dear? Husband
What on earth are you thinking of? Do
| you want to ruin me? 1 have meeting
with my creditors this morning.
Je,celers' Weekty.
WHATS that you're giving your horse
Blinks? Not beer?" YES, beer Why |.
I've got him so, he'll even chew tobacco"
NO" Yes, and last night drove him
four miles in twenty minutes. and yerd
ought to see him smoke !"-C Chicago
Ledger.
Il MAKE it rule never to go in deb.,
no matter how much 1 need a thing"
said Oracle. But I don't see how q
young lady can help going in debt:
However do you manage it?" why"
replied Oracle, Il have the things
charged to pa."-Ner York Sun.
Il Do not believe that heavy hair takes
away strength, said a leading physician
the other day. But that depends some
times upon how much per pound is paid
for the butter. You will generally find
the hair and the strength together
the hair NAV not be very heavy, either.
-No1ristOun Herald.
INFURIATED citizen Ito editor)-What
do you mean by publishing that SANDER
about me? Irish editor-Im sorry, sir,
if you feel offended. 1t was like this:
There having been no confirmation of
the report at hand, published it SO
that it might be cohtradicted at the earG-
est possible moment! Grip.
ETHEL really think you ought to
buy me that sealskin, Henry; you Ger.
tally are well able to afford it. Henry
(solemnly)-I am, Ethel, am. Its
not the sealskin 1 care about; that's
mere trife. It's the enormous expense
of camphor to pack it away in that
scares me, and camphor is rising, too.-
LoreH Citizen.
WIFE-William, dear, 1 wish YOU
would break from that horrid habit OF
using profanc language. Husband-All
right, will, I'll give you 81 every time
You hear me use cuss word after this.
Where's my hat? Mercy! The dog
has it!' BLANK the blanked dog to
blankety blank" -Four dollars, please"
Lincoln journal.
MR. FREsHLEIGH may tell me the
chief causes of the overthrow of the
French monarchy under Louis XVIII"
said the professor. "Excue me, Mr..
Historicus, but see Miss Knowitall is
in the room, and would suggest that
politeness requires that the ladies be
given the first chance to answer that
uuocfsop - Hn,.po,.,. R0-n..
CITY man to hunter-Lije, you've
heard great many tough hunting
stories. Which do you think is the
toughest yarn you ever heard. Liie-l
don't remember of hearin' no such darn
tough yarns as you speak of. Tell you
what really did happen down here,
though, bout year ago. A man shot
bear III the head, and Just the minute
the bear felt the ball he turned right
around. He turned so quick that the
ball hit the man and killed him after
passing through the bear.-Ne,o York
Sun.
WHEN DE CIDER sUZZLES.
Rastus, heap de wood up
An make de chimney roar; |
Fas'en down de winders
An de button on de door; |
Hustle up de apples |
Frum de furler cellar bin; |
But doan furgit de cider. chile,
An put de peppers in.
Oars muffin so delightin
Like de suzzle oh de juice;
To de guzzle's in ard sluice
Oars muffin so inyitin'
Like prime ole cider slidin'
Wild de pepper dat am hot,
Down from de gates oh Paradise
To strike dat same old spot.
H. S. Keller.
Human Sea.MOnSters.
The complaints of ill-treated sailors
are getting so frequent that correspon-
dent of the Pesther Lloyd proposes to
remedy this evil by appointing special