Daily Republican., 1889-09-12
MrRrH AND mEnRrMENT.
Salads, like the heads Of ladies, need I

Salads, like the heads Of ladies, need 0
good deal OF dressing.
Many q girl powders her face IN the
hope OF pulverizlng some young mans
heart.
Brown: "Does your wife keep her
temper well7" Jones: "Um-er some,
but ! got the most of It,"
PASSIONS Paling Fires.-wlfe: "And
DO you love me still, dearleV Husband:
"Yes, darliDg-very STILL"
She; ~ am 80 fond OF travelingW
He; "If you will only marry me, darling,
we will move six times year"
While most persons are In advance of
their age, an old maid generally manages
to keep ten years behind.
"George. dear, what kind OF fruit is
produced by the electric light plantp"
| "Electric current, OF course"
Tommy: "Won't you kiss me, Nell
liei" Nellie: "No, mamma said /
mustn't kiss the Toys. But-you may
kiss me-"
Husband, 7 can't express my detesta-
tion Of your conduct" "Well my dear,
Pm very glad that you can't"
Basbful.-The most ba'hful girl we
ever knew WAS one who blushed when
asked II she had not been counting sleep.
thine and tide walt for no man." but
when q woman is In the case, even time
and tide must wait or 20 on without her.
She: "Do you play on the pianoi" He:
II did once. played on 1t with the gar
den hose, and, thank Heaven, stopped
the thingW
Took Him at His word.-Ohalmers:
"Love youi Why, I'd jump off the
bridge for you." Miss Romantique; "Oh,
how lovely that would bel"
Texan marriage notices are quite In
the natural style Of manners: "No cards,
no cake, no flowers, no thanks, no re-
grets, nobody's business"
A well-known lltterateur and humorist
modestly says that his chief literary &C
quirements are the book he has borrowed
and never returned.
When a certain bachelor was married,
the members OF his club "broke him up''
by sending him as wedding present q
copy OF Paradise Lost"
Charles Lamb said of the water-cure
at lie neither new nor wonderful, for II
lie as old as The deluge, which, in my
opinion, killed more than It cured"
"0h, take me away, tako me away"
sings poet In tho newspaper. Yes, take
him away. Stand not upon the order Of
you taking, but take him at once.
Stern parent Ito young applicant fol
his daughters HANDY; "Young man, car
you support o iamilyp "Young mar
(meekly): 81 only wantc hsarsh."
MIR. smithers (at reception): "Her
voice reminds me of our church bell
Mr.. Bean: "All has the true ring, you
meanP Mr.. Smithers: "No; its crack
ed"
} "Laugh and the world laughs with
you." Yes, very true; and slip up on {
banana peel, and the world, or at leas
0 all within twenty yards OF you,w will laugl
at you.
| He: "How bright the stars are to
night They are almost as bright as -
She (eApecting ''your eyes"): "0h, yor
tiatter mel' He (proceeding); 'They
, were last night"
Times revenge.-Boys smoke cigarette
to pass for mon, and men smoke cigar
cites 10 kill the boys and the men xii
themselves.
"a taste for astronomy" says
. writer, 'is springlng up among youDl
people Of both sexes" 1t always doe
e as soon as the season permits sitting Il
the garden by moonlight.
4 Magistrate; ESQ you admit havin
. been engaged In making counterfeit
N money!" Prisoner: "Yes, your wor
ship. You soc the supply Of the genuin,
Article is so very short"
n Elderly Gent; IL am eighty years old
young man, and don't recollect ever tell
u ing u lie." The young man: swell
you cannot expect your memory to b
reliable at that age"
Smith: "Jones. why 10 the worl
don't yon get married." jones: 30
account of my business. I'm foo
walker, you know, and couldn't stan,
that sort OF thing night and day too"
Mrs. N. Peck: ''se you thought wa
= an angel once, did you?" Mr.. N. Peck
"Yesl" Mrs. N. Peck: "And you dom
think so now, ehi" Mr.. N. Peck: "No
still live In hope that you may be
I. thoughlP
Here is new suggestion for improv
> ing the appearance, from recently pub
= lished book: "There is 30 immediate
r relation between our thought and ges
h lures that woman must think we'll b
d look we'll"
She: "Do you know why you're like
n rainy day?" He: "Isit because you lonI
i for a ra'n-beaul" She: "No; it's becaus
+ I'd like to soc you clear" He cleared
and she frightened up, and the storu
was over.
He (sitting down to a pack of card
and speaking very tenderly): "shall W
play for q small stake, Miss Clara, o
simply for love?" She; "0h, let us pla
for penny, lust to make it interesting
Mr.. Simpson"
Mr.. ImpecunIous: "Mary, / hay
brought you home little book on 'HoV
/ to Cook" Mrs. Impecunious (sarcasti
a cally); '"Thanks, my dear; but what
o need worse is a book on What t
u Cook"
i ~ wish you would tell me why 1t 4
a that a man always thinks that hi
It mothers cooking tastes better than an
Y one else's2" 81 don't know, Clara, un
is less 1t is because his mother never wen
}. to school of cookery"
Matron; "The road to q mans heart
my dear, lies through his stomach; tn
l. moral of which is to learn to cook.
Daughter; ain other words, mother, tn
way to learn to mash men is by ars
- learning to mash potatoes.
Erasmus, you are sure these are sprin
VI chickensl" ayes, misses. Dey wha
J broughien up rite under my own eye.
"You watched them growing all las
spring2" Eyes, misses-an' all sprin
afore datl Yah-dey Is spring chickens