Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-06-21
THE OKLAHOMA VAIL.
The FreepOrt Bystander in the Role
of TenderfOOt.
His Exciting Experiences In the Coun-
try or the commandments OF n
WearIsOm JOurney---A Sanguine
Editor Observation-Disclosures Notes
From an Enterprising Community.
Freeport Bulletin,

had equipped myself with Jimmy and a
lantern and had gone to Oklahoma for the
purpose of opening kindergarten and
establishing private insane asylum where
Volapuk and the fifteen puzzle could be
taught. The item was headed Boom
in Home Missions and was published
without authority. The title would seem
to imply that was one of the Oklahoma
boomers and hereby dsclsim any inten-
ton of being classed in that category. II
is true that | have been in Oklahoma, but
l only went to fill in vacation and see
some relatives--an uncle and few red
ants who were among the early settlers in
that country. You will remember nv
starting for the new field. There was
something about il in the papers at the
time. The marshal escorted me as far as
the city limits and then walked the rest
of the way alone. anon turning to throw
rocks at the marshal until his figure look
ed no larger than u cheese sandwich in the
cleaning OF the journey it is not nec-
essary for me to speak ut length. 1t was
poem with blending cantos of Joy and
sorrow. After walking like the dickens
sw9w to given point | acquired the
hand rail of a freight car and seized it as
l would the hand of an old friend. This
and a plug of tobacco sustained my
weary spirits through the long hours of
the night. And so on. In due time the
visitor arrives in Kansas City. If he
comes in on the railroad that runs palace
dining cars he will pull right up to the
pslatial union depot and hand the check
for his trunk to mahogany-cOlored pi>
rot xuhA oh hin, I1Il s..
showing him the cable cars. If he comes
into the city, as some of us plain and
unostentaious men do. he will get off at
the stock yards, and 60 up town by
hand. Kansas City is good place to
experience the ups and downs of life
The town is built on seventeen hundred
acres of hills. and the holes between were
left for the real estate men to play with.
1t is good deal more level now than it
used to be. | have seen the time when
one of the streets would be cut right
through bluff fifty feet high. The lots
on either side would be laid off in STORIES
and fifth story man who happened to
fall off his porch, would be driven SO far
into the sidewalk below, that it would
take derrick to pull him out. Now the
cable cars go right over the hills and
span the low lands leading to the depot
The cable car Is great institution. The
tenderfoot, who gets in front of the grip
to see how it works, is usually spread
out on the pavement so thin that he looks
like composite photograph of the seven
Sutherland sisters. Before they had the
cable cars. they had what they called
street cars. but they looked more like a
dog house on roller skates. They were
manned by one scurvy mule,
who would sometimes bow his peusive
head and kick the front plat
form until it looked like the flag end of
creation. The cars were filed with the
rich allu vial soil which then graced the
thoroughfares and at the end of each trip
the real estate men would subdivide 1t in
corner lots and plat it as the Piety hill
addition. Kansas City was a good place
to keep away from then and it has in
creased in that respect since, although
the Kansas City man who does not pity
st. Louis from the bottom of his heart
can only be found in a saloon on the
Kansas side of the town.
From Kansas City to the Oklahoma
country is quite journey in ITSELF If
you travel in the night time the scenery is
endurable, but if you work the day route
it will be found monotonous. Kansas is
no great shakes on climates or scenery.
If man goes to work and puts up q
scenery of his own the climate il apt to
come along some dark night and blow it
over the Missouri line so far that
requisition will never bring 1t back At
ter fellow leaves Caldwell he soon
strikes the Oklahoma codntry and the
Oklahomaite commences to strike
him.
The people of this new country have
lots OF sand, or at least they ought too.
for that is about all some of em have to
eat. The front yards, the back yards,
the farms and the river beds-including
such other real estate as has not been
specifically mentioned-is composed al
most entirely of a reddish>complexioned
sand that gathers itself into hunks and
defies everything from a pick>ax down
Lots of people are emigrating from
Oklahoma to Hades in the expectation
OF striking a more genial climate and a
more fertile soil An acquaintance of
mine left last week by the Winchester &
Standing Gallows line. which carries
passengers clear through without change
OF cars or underwear. Most of the peo-
pie here are only hanging on waiting for
a tenderfoot to come their way. When
he does come he is hung on the fence
to dry and the fortunate individual who
encountered HIM goes back to his east
ern or western home and poses as an
Oklahoma sufferer. The city of Guthrie
has a population of seven thousand al
legged souls and half hundred saloons.
The chief manufactures are drunkards
and cadavers, with here and there fra
CANT autopsy. The principal retail BUSH
ness is drinkig bone gravy and betting on
high card.
Over at the Don't be Clam"
choice assortment of jugs can be Sc
cured, varying in size from the No. 8, or
pink spider variety, up to the No. BIB,
which includes the blue camel and the
n-whiskered tarantula, with the
stuffed crimson wings. Tansy Ben, the
blear~eyed terror of the Panhandle, came
into the HOwling Dervish the other night
with BIB case on hand. He tried to set
up little target practice, but before it
had gone very far Ben and his vitals had
obtained a decree of divorce. and were
occupying separate rooms.
The postmaster of Oklahoma City is a
stirring specimen of western manhood.
Last Tuesday heavyweight jay wanted
to go through mail sack for money
enough to get back to Sedalia. EIe was
promptly laid out with a ten pin, and
his remains will go home in coffee sack
If his relatives put up the express
charges. That is the kind of q growing
country that this new land is.
| was in the office of the Oklahoma
1idings last week just before coming
away, and had a long chat with the pro.
prietor. He had sunset-drab whiskers
about six weeks old, and was wearing