Morning journal and courier., 1889-05-01
WISE.

Wise in His Giles-ssThere's friend of mine who has a scheme--" Merritt -"That's enough; don't go into it." -Harper's Bazar.
 Stern parent (to young applicant for his daughters hand)-"Young man, can you sup port familya" Young man (meekly)-"1 only wanted Sarah. ."-Boston Post.
 Mir. Bloomingdale Ward desperately. after being s:stuck" for the last half hour)-stEr- will you excuse me, Miss Autumna" Miss Autumn (slightly deaD-"With pleasures What is it, waltzs"-Life.
 Bessie-What's the matter in the sitting room, Tommya
 Tommy-Oh, the usual contest between pa and ma over the speakership of the house.-Burlington Free Press.
 Every bicyclist should use his personal in- fuence to secure good roads, but his duty doesn't require him to get off his wheel over the handles and smooth the highway down with the back of his neck.-Somerville Jour nal.
 'tRobert, dear, what is a jazz" IA jag! I don't know, Maria" "Mrs Jones says that her husband told her he saw you down town with your jag on." 'Oh yes; I see. He meant my box overcoat. 1t is sometimes called jag. ."-Chicsgo Herald.
 Elwin-''I wish, Annabel, that you could have been in Paris with me. Such lovely parks!" Annabel-"Yes, I know I should have enjoyed the parks most of all. I have always heard so much about the Paris green. ."-Boston Herald.
 An English writer says the American girl "puts on too many airs" No wonder! An American girl with an accordeon skirt, bugle trimming, futed what-you-call it, and 8 couple Of strings to her beau may not be musically inclined, but she can hardly help putting on airs.-Norristown Herald. Young lady (wofully)-Oh, MT. Jones, do you know papa is going to take us tothe most Collaboration place this summer you ever heard off
 Mr. J. (considerately)-I guess it isn't that so much that disturbs you as that it is 8 man forsaken place, is it, Miss Emmaa-Wash- ington Critic.
 "Just my luck" groaned MT. Billus, throw ing himself into chair. "Maria, I've got to part with those docked-tail roans paid $500 for last week" s'What is the trouble, John?" inquired Mrs Billus, alarmed; ''have you failed in business4" ''No; I've been elected vice president of the Society for the Proven tion of Cruelty to Animals!"-Chicago Fri bune.
 Why this is joke: "Ethel, will you be my wifer ''Yes, Harold, will" Note.-The joke in the above is in the fact that no allu sion is made to the young mans income or to the young woman's money; that she doesn't want to be his sister; that her little brother is not hidden behind the sofa, and that the heavy footsteps of the "old man" are not heard in the hall The idea is strictly origi- nsl.-The Epoch.
 Professional Courtesies.-Actor Gin country town)-"I hope you won't object to sDnoun- cling in your paper that this will probably be the last chance to see me outside of the great cities, as have received an offer from the Gotham Theater for next season at $500 a week" Editor-'Pll print it with pleasure. And, by the way, please announce from the stage that now Is the time to subscribe for the Pumpkinville Trumpet, as I have received an offer of S5, 900 a week to run the London Times. ."-New York Weekly. "Dear John," wrote the wife, "I am sor- ry to say Willie fell out of swing yesterday and disabled himself. He will not be able to use his arms for month-so the doctor says. He is getting along all right, but it makes him restless to stay indoors. When you return from the city please bring him something he amuse himself with. v
 "Willie," said the father, kindly, as he pat
 ted the little boy oonsolingly on the head ,s si drum promised you year or two ago you ! should have some time. ."-Chicago Tribune.