The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1889-04-01
THE SECRET cONCLAvE.
KIeHTH MEETING.

thumpia, at the usual hour; and
General Duality presided.
Rev. DR., Dryhash addressed the
chair as follows "Mr. President
and MISUNDERSTANDING the
deplorable proceedings which took
place at our last meeting; and the
liability, under our present system
of receiving members, to enroll un-
worthy persons, l would suggest
that new mode of enrolment be
adopted. The fast and loose sys-
TEN hitherto pursued is, to my
mind, very reprchensible but it is
easily remedied. There should be
conditions of membership and the
candidates should be made to pledge
themselves to those conditions. 1t
is always unsafe to admit foreigners
from Europe, or from any of the
British, French, or German colo
MES. These people can no more
assimilate with New Englanders as
Cinnamon, and they are infinitely
more intractable. The safest way
would he to have our conclave con-
sist wholly of New Englanders, and
their descendants and known SYM
pathisers. Were this plan followed,
what we would lack in numbers we
could make up in influence, and
collaterals that would bring votes.
The President stated that "the
same idea had occurred to him, and
he would see that every candidate
for membership is properly pledg-
ed"
A large and clumsy raw-honed
angular looking man now entered
the hall, and looked around among
the members as if he had lost some
one and was trying to find him,
Rev. Whangbuster finally recognized
the stranger as Capt. Ezra Squash
of the whaling bark Bay State, and
introduced him to the President.
Capt. Squash stated that he ''wur
not eligible to be member 'kase he
had nary vote in this heather
country, but he knew that bean
eating organization would make him
welcome and he take the liberty to
sot dyown."
The President explained to the
| Cap that the present meeting was
wholly of political nature; and al
though he would be glad to meet
him in social crowd at any other
time, the present time and place
were unsuitable for the captain 8
presence.
"Wall," said Capt. Squash, 81
jest backed my nam yard and hove
to for rest; but L guess L kin
square away agin and no harm
done The unwieldy bulk of Capt.
Ezra Squash then rolled itself out of
doors.
1t was now apparent that the
conclave was completely under &C.
cesiastical control, and that the flu
ture proceedings would be upon the
lines of the Cross-bones Church and
its Amounted clergy who were very
numerous in 'reverends,' although
they did not all preach.
A tall open-faced man now enter.
ed the hall, and stated that he was
from PhiladeIphy, and would joir
the conclave upon condition that the
members would aid him in a bust.
ness he was trying to introduce on
the Islands.
This proposition brought smile
on the benignant faces of the clergy
and grin on the ''mugs" of the
lawyers.
The President requested the
stranger to state his proposition, but
held out little hope of acceptance.
The stranger then stated that hi:
name was Benjamin Pasteboard
and that he ''was the inventor of :
participating machine calculated tt
be of great benefit to the human
race" He then produced a whirl
ing arrangement from his capaciou
coat pocket, and described it as fol
lows: "Thee will perceive that thu
potato is impaled upon this vertica
wire, and the knife of the machine
| Wits alOulN tiiC IuDCl III ouSh
way as to peel off the skin and SCOOP
out the eyes in the quickest ant
most perfect manner. The machin
has obtained the sanction of tn
Society of Friends in Philadelphy
and he hoped the members of thi
conclave would help him to intro
duce the invention here"
The President asked Mr.. Paste
board whether he was Quaker
, and, ON being answered in the a
, frmative, consultation was hel
/ and 1T was resolved that "the cor
; clave had no need of Quakers, e:
pecially those who had no votes"
THIS resolution being commun
Gated to Mr.. Pasteboard, that gel
tleman strobe majestically to tt
/ door; but halted on the threshol
and sang;
"The potatoes they were small,
: They eat them skins and all
Over there, over there"
The Quaker then vanished al
y the heavy door closed behind hi
with loud bang.
!, Rev. A. Whangbuster arose
remark that "the door-keeper shou
examine all persons entering Il
loIl 90 a., thau .,ra uofar,