Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-09-15
SENSE AND NONSENSE,

Iplayed poker ali last night; lost all
my stack of reds and whites and this
morning find have the blues.
$50 Jacks dead, is he? Died of Bcights
disease" "Well, don't know who owned
it. but it killed Jack, anyway"
The pedagogue keeps school until the
heated term comes on and then he keeps
cool somewhere else.-Gieas Falls Rspu6fi-
can.
This is the most unkindest cut of all,'
said Jenkins, as he observed the very small
piece of meat that the landady placed Or
his plate at breakfast.
The Duke-"Aud here, madam, is where
my forefathers lie buried" Mrs. Noovo-
rich-"Massy, Mr. Dock, was your poor
mother married four tlmes?'
"Rastus, where you git dat diamond pin
look mighty like one Mas John lost?'
"See, you, Hanna, you old fool don't you
frow dat in my face. Where did you git
dat par new shOes?"
"MiSs Kelly, Oi notice yez got yez 4 new
mirror" "Yis; Oi thought twouId be
more economy to buy wan to set the can
than to burn lierochiue lamp
Policeman (stenIy)-"What are you
doing on the street at this hour OF the
night| Prowler tioyfuIIy)-"By George,
you're exactly the man want to see
Pm trying to lind saloon. -ChicGg2
Tribune.
NickleIy-"That's a strange pair of
scales you have there suppose they are
OF the Ambu,cade kind ?" Grocer-"Am-
buscade? What is that ?'' NickIehy-
"Why, they lie in weight, as it were."-
Laurence AmericGn
Ella-"Where will you pass the sum-
mer? Are you going into the country %
Belia-"I don't know, I'm sure. Papa
said something about going into insolv-
ency, and, if he says SO, | suppose we shall
have to 60 here."-Bost0a Herald.
Brown-"It's terrible the way these coal
dealers cheat you. There's not more than
twelve hundred in that ton" Little John
nie-"Perhaps, dad, the coal man weighed
! it on the same scales as you weighed that
twenty-pound fish yOu caught. ."-Hurpcr's
| Bazdr.
Sunday school Teacher-"Now, Bobby,
| why did Moses strike the rock 20 Bobby
"Cause he wanted water" "WelI, we
| don't have to knock on rocks for water
| now, 40 we 4NO, MA dul, DuI FOU nave
to knock three times for the beer on Sun
| dav."-Ifme.
He was the Ounce of his class; that was
what they said of him. But one day the
] teacher put this question 10 him "How
do you pronounce s-t-i-n-g-y?" at de-
| pends good deal on whether the word
refers to person or a bee" was the reply.
Christian Adcoeate
Tucker-T saw your son in the coun-
| try to-day, Parker. He had his camera
with him, | believe" Parker-"Yes, he
went out to take some views, / suppose.
Was he making good progress ~ ''You
bet he was, and dust, too. Somebod s
red bull was after m."--1rme.
Outcast-"Please, mum, could you help
an unfortunate man who was caught in an
elevator and laid up for six months"
Old Lady-"Poor man; here's dollar for
you. How did you happen to get caught?"
| (Pocketing the dollar r)-"The police wuz
too quick for me, mum."-Tme.
Miss Dayis-"Howdy, Brer Silas? WHARF
you got dat likely lookin' mule? Pears
mighty lax er mule dat was missin' at de
Corners las week" Brother Silas-
SLOWLY, Sis Davis, slowly Dare's too
many hen feathers back oh yore house for
folkses what don't keep no chickens ter
ask pinted questions lax dat."-T5ras
| Sdings.
Il shan't want any more zee of you, Mr.
Stubbs, as I've been infol med the ice is
full of bacilli." "Wot ever S that, mum
Wot's backely?" "Well, Judging from the
size OF your bill and the exceedingly
small pieces Of ice you have been leaving,
l conclude it is something you put in the
ice to make it weigh. Good morning. =
Hape'S Bear.
Mr.. Smith Whose hen-house has re-
Gently been depleted Those look very
much like my chickens, Une'e Jonas ~
Uncle Jonas-"Well, Mr.. Smif, you know
the wurP turns ober from eas' to wes', an
as yer place am eas' OBJ dis, de yearth, in
turnin', mus er fling 'em ober de fence
iurin' de mite. OATS de only splanationE
can gib OBJ de 'currence, sah.D