The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1889-03-10
A SPECIMEN SUNDAY SERMON.
By The Reverend Samuel Jones

Sam Jones delivered one of his
harangues, called "a sermon" in San
Francisco last Sunday. Here it is:
"The kind Of men 1 like to see
saved is the fellers that need it the
most. To work hard all your life and
then die and be damnedis the hardest
thing l know of. We niggers and
pore white folks want all the religion
we can get, for our lives are hard
enough. The rich man that lives
high and drinks his fine wines can
sort O. afford to be damned, for he
has good time in this world, any
how"
After describing how hfeless some
churches were, Mr. Jones said: IF
there's anything that does tickle me,
it's to see whole church up in the
wagon; some a-drinkin', some a-cuss-
in, some a-dancin', some a-playin'
cards, and the poor little preacher out
in the shafts all by himself trying to
draw the whole load, and every once
in awhile some one touching him up
a little with a club, and expecting
him to make 2:40 on wheat straw"
"The saloons, the gambling dens
and the shameless houses are all
joined together, but the churches are
all separated. If l was to say there
was five saints in this house every
feller in the house would lick out his
tongue and say, BY the grace of God
I'm one of Them"
The speaker then condemned the
practices of card playing, dancing and
theater- going by church members,
and said:
''Now, I don't care a pop of my fin
ger whether you agree with me or not
Now listen: Any church that tells
you it don't object to card playing,
dancing or theater going tells you a
lie as black as hell 1 have never
seen a card-playing, dancing or thea
ter going member of the church that
was worth killing. There's no use
wasting powder on a dead dog. Show
me fashionable house in this town
that's got any piety in it. May God
give me church always that's got no
standing with the bon ton of the
town"
The subject of rich dresses at
church was then discussed, and Mr..
Jones said that it was absolutely vul-
gar to dress up in silks aud diamonds
and then rack out to church in the
morning. 'If you want a fine house
or fine diamond just because some
one else has got them, you amt mean,
you are only just silly. You wear q
No. 3 shoe and o No. l hat. You
can't expect much of a feller whose
foot is bigger'n his head"
Look ahere," he shouted, "when 1
was boy, a little feller, 1 used to
play townball, but never got so low
down as to play baseball Why, if /
had a yaller dog that went over and
saw one of your Sunday baseball
games, I'd kill it just as soon as it got
back home"
Mr.. Jones then took up one of the
collection baskets and went over its
contents-twenty-fve nickels. ten
dimes and and two quarters. He
warmed it" to the audience for be-
ing so mean in its contribution, and
said that only last week the people
had paid $4,000 to see some men
walk around the room, and on Sun
day it took 5000 people to contribute
just a 800 for the gospel. He
further remarked on this score by
saying:
"If any of you go away and say that
Sam Jones is preaching for money,
you tell l-i-eF
He concluded by saying: "What
we want is gospel that hits a man
where he lives. A good many men
tell me they don't like so much
laughing at these services. Why,
God bless your souls, if good solemn
preaching would save this town
it would have had its wings on long
ago."