Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-19

to the young Dflue. he Is greatly Qlscom-
moded by the populace, and goes home dis
gusted with himself.
LONDON, July 29.-I just dropped over
here to attend the royal wedding and shall
remain week at this town, perhaps.
could not attend the Battenburg wedding on
account of illness among my stock, but
said to myself then, that if ever happened
to be near London again when there was a
royal wedding would not crawl out of it
on those grounds.
I took a club train from Paris at 4:30 in
the evening and came via Calais and Dover
to London. The ride was devoid of Incl
dent. The channel has my compliments,
such as they are. Everybody pays his COM
pliments to the channel. 1t is a lovely
sheet of water. 1 looked at it while with
great. big, solemn, soul-lit eyes and heaving
chest. 1t is not wide channel; but it is q
very busy one.
Invent at once to the hotel. 1 have been
asked to say good word for it and now
hasten to do so. 1t is very large and makes
As per cent per annum ON IT'S capital. I
slept and picked my teeth there, but ate
elsewhere. I always like to eat elsewhere,
and so 1 did. The hotel did not like it 1
said 1 was sorry, but I could not seem to
help il. 1 was willing to pay for the at
tendance which did not get; also the wine,
ale, beer, malt liquors, policemen, prayers,
writing paper, lights. fuel, feed, baled hav,
perfumery, stiiton cheese, tar roofing. medi-
lime, cement and Use OF lift, but 1 Just
would kind Of like to eat where chose, 80
long as was there on the European plan.
If I happened to be several miles away sit
ting for wax figure of myself to be used
by Madame Toussaud and Mrs. farley, I
would not jump the moment the whistle
blew and scoot for the hotel in order to run
up still bigger bill for use of mustard
spoon, laundry of napkin, use of tooth pick,
wear and tear of dining-room floor, etc.
B REPRovED BY HIS HOST.
So the hotel reproved me and the man
ager looked askance at me. When came
in late, looking we'll fed and with sparkle
of merriment in my beautiful rich, brown
eyes, he looked at me reproachfully and
butted his head against the wall two times
in rapid succession. The hotel is run by
American patronage, and yet the only MUIR
muir that arises from the entire American
contingent is not pleasant to the manage
ment. The hotel, 1 need hardly add, has
been recently re6tted and refurnished
throughout, has a new rubber door-mat,
with holes punctured through It, and row
of fiunkies who adorn the hall and who
welcome the arriving and speed the depart
ing guest at a shilling per welcome and one
and six per speed.
The day of the royal wedding dawned
rather wet and cherries. The sun came out
the day before, long enough for us to see
that our trousers were all properly rolled
up at the bottom and then it went back
again. The chimes of bells at shilling 6
per chime, broke through the moist air.
took my bright new Gorham butter dish,
wrapped it in newspaper, and started for
the wedding.
sure of all eyes. Many people turned to
look at my bright expectant face and elias
was all agrsg. drove hastily up to where
the service was to be held and alighted from
nv hanson, fearing that I had kept people
waiting. found 80, 900 people there, also
with expectant faces. asked bobby If the
folks had come. He looked straight ahead
of him at mark. shook hands with him
at one and six and then he became more So
ciable. He said they had not come.
knew then had several hours to wait and
so, in the language of Amos j. Walker, I
was anxious to get at it as soon as possible.
By and by the Life Guards came
along and everybody pulled out an
extra joint in his neck to see
them. Then a red flannel coach with
man came along. 1t had no one inside of it,
but everybody looked at it in utter aston
ishment, and one man near me yelled "God
save the Queen" as he gently inserted his
hand in my pocket. Another man stepped
on nv patent leather shoe and tried to hold
his breath, but it was too strong for him.
1t now rained.
A GRAND SPECTACLE.
Then a mounted policeman drove down
the long ranks of excited people. wish
"knew as much as he seemed to know. ="
Solomon in all his glory was little, wilted
wayside violet compared with that man. If
had his selfrespect together with my great
big teaming (mule teaming) brain, I would
be. no doubt man who could make the
civilized world stand aghast.
Then another red coach with a red driver
and three fdbtmen in red and gold and
sawdust legs and powdered hair drove by.
A tradesman on my left stuck his wet um-
brella through my high hat and murmured,
"God save the Queen" There was no one
IN the COACH, anu we COuluu nave beeu
them if there had been dozen.
1t now rained again.
We waited for the clouds to roll bv. My
legs went to sleep one by one and slumbered
on peacefully. At last there was burst of
music, and the small royal band, with no
leader but a little drum major with a black
velvet Jockey cap and the air of one who
owns the earth, came along the avenue,
which was walled with $4,000 people, in
the midst of whom tall, 1.-THE, American
fool might have been seen.
In about two weeks another red coach
came along and tuere was some one in it.
Everybody said, 'That's 'er." 1 afterward
learned tha- it was the loyal chambermaid.
better place. I got one where the mud was
a little less yielding, but the juice from an
umbrella owned by short lady ran down
my neck. She also put side whiskers
on my silk hat by subbing it the
wrong way. Then several red coaches came
by, Everybody said, "That's 'er," and
then we waited again: I have been fool
three times this year that 1 remember Of
Once when watched the inaugural parade
till my eyes were red, once when looked
at the Centennial parade till my teeth got
loose, and once when I watched the wedding
party in London.
THE BRIDE ARRIVES.
Finally carriage went by, with little
stout old lady in it. We also caught sight
of good-natured msn, in a red coat and
full habit, and slender girl in long,
white veil and her other dress. am told
that these three were the Queen, the Prince
of Wales and the bride. If they saw me.
they dissembled very much.
was tired, and SO sending to the house
my butter dish with my card, printed in our