The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-09-19


Is always speaking of the noise -,
His neighbor's children make. r.
Boston Courier.
"What prompted you to rob this man 3
till ?" asked the judge of the prisoner
"My family physician, y was the answer.
"He told me it was absolutely necessary
that should have a little CHANGE
YOnkers Gdzette.
Don't you see, Sister Jones, de cause
OBJ dis 'dustrial depression am dat dere is
too much money in buildings, and dere
ant huff in circulation ami dere am
too many people in circulation and dere
ant huff money.-LVe. ....... ....
The use of calomel for arrangements
OF the liver has ruined many fine con-
stitution. Those wig, for similar troub.
les, have tried Ayers Pills testify to
their efficacy in thoroughly remedying
the malsdy, without injury to the sys-
tenn.
Smith-"Can you conceive of a more
miserable and foreign spectacle than
small boy who has just been fshed cut
Of the water after falling overheard will,
his Sunday clothes on ?" Jones-"Oh.
yes yellow dog with a tin can tied 70
his TAIL"
Miss Crimple Ito clerk of the Small
Creek House)-''Will you please send
the porter to our room, Mr.. Bigstud
Clerk-"Yes, ma'sm anything wrong 2
Miss Crimple-"Papa just shot mos
quito, and we would like Patrick to car
ry it out."-Mursey'S Weekly.
How Nice = So
Miss Bell is looking, Addie. Yes, Laura.
Why, only year ago her face was com
pletely covered with pimples, blotches,
and sores. She told mother that she
owed her nice, clear complexion to her
using Sulphur Bitters. Well, Laura, |
shall try them too. ~. q. "a
| Miss Wauka Shaw-"Is Mr.. o. Shaw
any relative of yours Z" Miss Saratoga
Geyser-"Oh. yes he's distant rcla-
tive" Miss Wauka Shaw-"How dis
tant ?" Miss Saratoga Geyser-"He's my
brother ; but he is the youngest of ninl
children, and I'm the eldest. "-Chicrgo
Saturday Evening Herald. .......
ShilOh's Uatarrh Remedy. ..
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, marvellous
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, cauker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment of
these complaints without extra charge.
Price 80 cents. Sold by ]. T. Shurtll Il,
Bennington, -. ....:- ..-.,
Smith lat the circus -"Never too old
for the circus, eh, Brown ?" Brown-"I
don't care anything about 1t myself |;
but somebody had TO come with the boy. !"
Smith-''ls that your boy p Brown
"Well-er-no my boy was taken sick
at the last moment, poor little chap, and
so brought a neighbours, All, me we
were all young once, Smith,"
Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint.
Is it not worth the small price of rs
cents to free yourself of every symptom
OF these distressing complaints, if you
think so call at our store and get bot
tie of Shiloh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
has printed guarantee on it, use nc
cordingly, and if it does you no good i;
will cost you nothing. Sold by John I.
Shurtleff, druggist,
Penelope Peachblow-"How do you
do, Mrs. Plantagenet ?" Mrs. Plantage.
net-"You must excuse me, but do not
think we have ever met" Penelope
Peachblow-"Yes last week at Mrs.
Westery's." Mrs, Pantagenet with in
creasing coolness) -"You have the ad-
vantage of me-" Penelope Peachblow-
81 think have, Mrs. Plantagenet. in
evesight, memory and manners. Good
afternoon. life.
A Family Gathering.
Have you father Have you moth.
er F? Have you son or daughter, 81 t, I
or brother who has not yet taken Kemp's
Balsam for the Throat and Lungs, thy
guaranteed remedy for the cure OF
Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Group and all
Throat and Lung troubles II so, why,
when a sample bottle is gladly given to
you free by any druggist, and the large
size costs only SOC and $l.00?
A lady. who had recently lost her hus-
band, and friend we're eating dinner
together at the residence of the latter.
II sympathize with you from the boz
tom OF my heart in your great sorrow,
said the friend. at must be terrible to
lose such a man." "Ah, me yes, sighed
the widow. at is only the hope of snou
meeting him in better land that gives
me courage and desire to live. "-Arkdn
sd,C Traveller.
Hay fever sufferers ought TO know OF
it's efficacy. Ely's Cream Balm was rec.
commended to me as preventive to hay
fever. Have been using 1t since the 9th
of August and have found 1t a specific
for that much dreaded disease. For ten
years | have been a great sufferer from
August Oh till frost, and have tried
many alleged remedies, but Ely's Gre m
Balm is the only preventive l have even
found.-F. B. Ainsworth, Publisher, L.
dianapolis, Ind.
There is a story told OF lady who ore
day went to call on Fuseli, a painter,
who, when there was need for it, could
express himself with emphasis. Hei
ceaseless chatter did not even allow h m
to get in word edgeways. At last q
pause to take breath gave him tim" t.
say, 1--WE had boiled mutton and turnips
for dinner to-day" what a sttnnge
observation, Mr.. Fuseli |" exclaimed the
lady. why" he said, at lie as good ar
anything you have been saying for The
last two hours"
cat the risk of provoking smile at
our simplicity, we will relate" says DR..
j. NJ. Buckley in the Christian AdUOc tte,
that long years ago, when we thought
Of great men, If they speak at all, alN avs
speak words of wisdom, we followed
Tennyson, who was accompanied by a
lady and two children, about the South
Kensington museum for two hours and
a half, hoping that he would speak AT
last he made signs as if he were about To
do so. Hoping 10 hear some criticism OF
a painting, we listened intently. and
these memorable words fell from tn. lips
of England's poet laureate You take
care of the children while | 90 and get
some beer. boston Courier.