The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-29
AR. AND MRS. BowsER.
In Which His 1Iannish Ways in Regard to
New Garments Are Set Forth.

In Which His ManniSh ways III Regard TO
New Garments Are Set Forth.
Mr. Bowser has been that way ever since
we were married, and l suppose he will keep
it up to the end-just like all other husbands.
When he brings home half dozen collars I
know that a circus is about to begin, and
prepare accordingly. After supper he goes
upstairs to try them on, and take seat on
the lower step, knowing full well the part
am to play. For couple of minutes all is
quiet. Then | hear the mutter of distant
thunder, followed by an exclamation of:
"By the great horn spoon, but if had that
man here I'd murder him"
About sixty seconds later his head appears
over the banister and he shouts:
Mrs. Bowser, come up here!"
whats wanted?"
"Come up here? Look at those collars, will
youF
whats the matterg'
"Matterl That Internal shirt maker ought
to be scalpedl | told him No. Is, and he has
made them all No. 20i'
"Nonsensel Here's the stamp on them,
and they are all right. Try one on"
He buttons one on and they fit splendidly.
Indeed, he never had such a fit. He locks in
the glass. however, grows red in tbs face. and
shouts:
"Lool, at it'll III kill that man before noon
tomorrow He has done it to spite mel"
"Mr. Bowser, that collar is all right. You
never had one that set
"Rightl Right Look at it bunch up in the
backl See how it sets in 'front.' Observe how
it is saving away at my ears! You want me
to look like baboon, don't youi I'll walk in
On that shirt maker after breakfast to-mor-
row morning, and if don't slam the buttons
off'n him then I'm 4 liarl"
But | can't SEE anything wrong with
them"
mo, of course noti If they made me look
like baked owl you couldn't see anything
out of the wayl Mrs Bowser, I've got to
have long talk with you. There are some
things which must be settled"
And next morning he puts on one OF the
collars withouta word and there is never any
further fault finding They were fit and all
right, but he wouldn't can average husband
if he didn't growl and kick. 1t is when his
new shirts come up that the whole menagerie
is put on exhibition free gratis. They invari-
ably come up of a Saturday night, and he
wants to put one on for Sunday wear. l
know what is coming, and l take baby over
to mothers and give the cook liberty to go out
for the day. lam hardly ready for him when
the magazine explodes.
Mrs Bowser!n he shouts over the banis-
ter. -
"Wen?"
Ibid Lynch bring home my shotgun last
night"
What do you want of shotgunl"
ITO kill the Internal idiot who made these
shirtsl I'll have his life before the sun sets
tonight III murder him right before his
wife and childreni"
"Why, Mr. Bowserl What's the matter
with the shirtsl'
"Matteri" he yeils as he jumps up and
down, holding one of the lot at arms length,
"everything's the matterl My band is fifteen
inches scant, and he has made these 4, 600 rods
longl Look at that bosoml Look at that
yoke I'll follow that man to the end of the
earth but what I'll have his bloodln
why, they look all right to me. The band
is stiff with starch, you know"
"Pll stiffen that idiot with something be-
sides starchl People impose on me because l
never kick, but the worm has turned at last.
suppose I'll be sent to state prison for life,
but that shan't stand in the way of my re-
venge."
pu at on another and I'll come up and see
what the trouble is"
Ten minutes later he calls and l so up to
find him red in the face and breathing lard.
button the shirt in the back, pull it down
and it fits him like a glove, but all Of q sud-
den he gives jump, waves his hand after
the manner of Booth and exclaims:
"Yesl I'll hunt hun down and crush the
life out of him"
'Mr. Bowser, there's nothing wrong with
this shirt. You never had one to ct you
better"
Nothing wrongi Why, it feels as il had
put on an old coffee sack. Look at the way
it punches up in the neck. See how it binds
on the shoulders l wouldn't be found dead
with this shirt on"
"Well, as l said before, 1 can't see anything
wrong with it."
"Oh, you can't! Anything is good enough
for me, suppose. If some fool sent mo up a
sheet iron shirt you'd think it was all right.
You can 20 downstairs"
"But aren't we going to church!'
Church. Don't say church to me! I'm
going out and commit murder"
About dinner time he feels easier, and after
supper his Indignation has ell passed away.
Next morning he puts on one of his shirts,
and it isn't week before he is Dragging OF
the perfect ft.-Detroit Free Press.
A Group of Statuary.