davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
TALK OF THE DAY.

Republics were ever ungrateful. We
put our great men ON postage stamps
and then punch their heads.-Puck.
1t is curious fact that while women
are reticent about their own ages, they
have no hesitation about publishing the
ages of other women.-Pittsburg Bull
letin.
Humorist-l suppose this little joke
will go at regular rates If accepted.
EditOr-YeS, l guess so. 1t is too old to
travel for half-fare any longer
Haute Express.
"What general event happened in
1852" asked a Boston school teacher,
referring to the centennial fair. Where
upon bright boy answered: 1.-The
National base ball league was formed
then. New York Tribune.
Boarder Gust arrived)-I noticed that
we didn't have any butter at lunch to-
day, Mr.. Squoggs. I thought you al
ways had such nice butter in the c0un-
try. Mr.. Squoggs-Yaas, we do. but
you see 81 Gass, who brings it from the
city, hasn't got round this week, some
how.-Time.
Judge-You are freeholder. Pros
pective Juryman-YeS, sir. Judge
Married or single? Prospective Jury
man-MarIied three years ago last
month. Judge-Have you formed or
expressed any opinion = Prospect
i've Juryman-Not since I was married,
three years agO.-BOston Post.
Mr.. Goodcatch calling Oh the eldest
sister)-Why, Johnny, how you are
growing. You'll be man before your
sister, if you keep on. You bet will.
Sister'll never be man if she keeps on
being twenty like she has for the last
five years" Then there was trouble in
the household American.
Nephew-There. aunt, that is the res
idence of one of our richest citizens
Handsome place, isn't it? Aunt-Yes;
but how vain are the efforts of the camel
to pass through the needles eye. The
house is fine, tits true; but who knows
but it is built upon sand? Nephew-It.
is-he's in the sugar business.-Ameriea
Severe Discipline: Western Under
Graduate-Don't you abOminate college
discipline? So unnecessarily severe,
you know. Eastern Under-Graduate-
Yes, beastiy! What are some of your
rules? Western Understandable
me see. can't remember but two of
them Just now. One is that no student
snail burn the college buildings, and
the other is that under no provocation
shall a student shoot pr0fessOr.-Bur-
lington Free Press.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
ODD ITEMS.

A stone mansion built in 1850 on a
farm near Greenbush, N. Y, still stands.
A Paoli. Penn, calf with five legs has
harder time to get along than Doyles-
town pig with only three.
Fred Mather, London fish culturist,
estimates that Six-pOund eel produces
5000, 900 eggs in one season.
At COshocton, Pa, pie-eatlng match
last week the winner disposed of eight
cen pies in one hour and half.
A weather prophet that COnShohock-
en-, Penn, people swear by is tree frog
imprisoned in ar of water at the rail-
road station.
Isaac Heed, Of Burr's Mills, o., has
raised tomato that measures seven
teen inches in circumference and weighs
over three pounds.
At Punxsutawney, Penn, the other
day. man was seen carrying home a
bottle of beer wrapped up in copy of
the Voice, prohibition paper.
An opera company travelling through
the state started out oil the 18th inst,
with 13 persons in Car MOL and made
13 stops between New York and Harris
burg.
Clyde Collins, five-year-Old Louis
vile lad, was before the Louisville
police court the other day, charged with
being confirmed vagabOnd and petty
thief.
Peter BiedOff. of Brooklyn, put a
stone on the sidewalk and covered it
with an old hat. Mrs. Frankinmuth
came along. spit on her hands and gave
it kick, and her broken toes cost Peter
$3.50.
E. FL. Plat and John Allen, of New
York city, have completed their long
horseback ride across the continent.
They reached SanFrancisco four months
and about four days from the time they
left New York.
A young woman of Southport, Eng
land. puts the most deliberate method
of suicide on record. She walked into
the water and sat down. After awhile
she lay down, and the tide rose and car
lied her off.
Says Philadelphia jeweler: 81 had
man in here lately whose watch would
not run properly just because he wore
it over his heart. It's odd, but il man
is of active temperament it makes his
watch run Slow"
Two months ago a citizen of West
Virginia made oath that he saw the
Cheat river turn and run up hill for
forty-five minutes. He now desires to
amend by explaining that he had just
finished quart of cider two yeaIs old.
A French woman invented one of the
most original methods of dealing with a
refractory child ever revealed to the
public. She fastened on the hat of her
eight-year-old daughter. who had been
naughty, a placard with the words:
"Mademoiselle is thief and liar"
and walked her through the streets.
1t took policeman to rescue the lady
from the mObbing of an indignant
crowd.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
THELAUGHING PHILOSOPHER

'sWhat is Mr.. Barnam's motto. pa?'
'tGiVe a man a shoW."-Harper'S Ba-
Ear.
Probably Canada objects to our OBJ
tanning fish stories within the three
mile limit.-St. Joseph News.
An exchange speaks of 1.-The Aim of
Woman" The aim of woman is to
make MrS.-Birmingham Leader.
Next to Rider Haggard's hotpot jack
pot is one of the warmeSt things known
to man.-W ashington Capital.
Many professions are crowded. but
there is always room at the top. Take
the elevator, young man, and you will
get there.-New Orleans Picayune.
The ballet girl trust and the dime
museum trust have come to naught, but
there is nothing to hinder the proprie-
tors of tank dramas from organizing a
pool.-Chicago Tribune.
Clara (patronizingly)-Iti is good plan
for person in society to try, at least, to
look wise. Debutante-True! But
SOP brakes Magazine.
Miss Blanche c. Field was married in
Astoriayesterday to Frederick l.. Green.
Astoria must have rare climate. 1t is
not everywhere that Field gets Green
at this late season of the year.-New
York Evening World.
SOUND ADVICE.
Mother, may go to speeulate:"
my son, you hadn't oughter;
But If you must, please do it straight,
And don't go near the water
-Barper's Bazar
An Unprotected Industrv.-F'irst Beg
gar-ThiS is a fine government! Don't
protect nobody.
Second Beggar-What's the matter
now, Bill?
First Beggar-Why, hain't yer seen
the bIoomin' bad suggestion 'ats bin
made to coin half cents. Dat nd knock
us right Out.-Harper's Bazaar.
T She Did Not Understand.-Mrs. New
married-You went sailing last night,
didn't you9
Mr.. Mo, indeed. Why do you
ask?
Mrs. No, nothing; only Iheard you
tell Mr.. Nextdoor that you ran across a
cold deck. so supposed you were out
sailing.-New York Sun.
THIS SOUTHERN GIRL.
Her dimpled cheeks are pale.
She's lily of the vale,
Not a rose.
In a muslin or a lawn
She is fairer than the dawn
To ner beaux-
IT'S matter of regret
She's bit of a coquette,
When / sing.
On her cruel path she goes
With half dozen beaux
On her string
Leisure Hours.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
THE ICE CARN WAL

On the principle CIlat, once having
laid one hand on the plow, we should
not look backward. it seems to be a
necessity that we shall have an ice car
nival this winter. If it were an origi-
nal proposition we might find some OBJ
jections to it, but as it is merely prop
osition to keep up fete that has given
st. Paul a worldwide celebrity, the
arguments are all on the other side.
The mildness of the weather inter
rupted last winters carnival, and in
consequence the season seemed tame in
comparison with the busting expert
| enceS of former years. 1t is possible
that the failure to hold a carni-
val was not altogether responsible for
the quiet season, yet it must be admit
ted that if the carnival had been in
progress we would have had fiusher
times than what we enjoyed. 1t has
also come to pass that persons in other
parts of the country who are in the
habit of talking winter excursions are
fascinated with our carnival exhibit
tons, and make it point to include st.
Paul in their winter tour. Those who
have seen the ice palace once want to
see it again, and those who have never
seen il are made eager for the sight by
| the vivid descriptions they have had of
| it from Others Thus it is the necessity
for making the ice carnival a perma
nent feature of our winter life has
grown upon us until we cannot very
we'll omit it without damaging the rep
utation of the city.
But building ice palaces and making
preparations for a winter carnival is
one of those things that is easier talked
| about than done. 1t takes money, and
a good deal of it, and good business
management and executive ability, to
make success of it. Heretofore there
| has been no lack of either The city
government has usually been in eon-
| dition to lend helping hand in the
way of providing the finances. while a
number of leading and public-spirited
| citizens have been prompt to give their
| time and services free, as we'll as to
open their purses, in aid of the enter
| prise. By an unintentional oversight
| the city council Is now embarrassed by
the absence of Legislative authority to
make the usual appropriation, and some
extraordinary device will have to be re-
sorted TO. We apprehend, however,
that a bridge will be constructed by
which the stream can be crossed, and
that the financial part of the enterprise
will be assured.
Still, there is no time 70 be lost in the
| preDaratory work. First of all. let it be
| determined that we are to have a carni-
val, and then let the association organ
| ize for the work. If we are to have a
carnival. the opening should be early in
January, and three months give just
barely time enough for the preparations.
We take it for granted that the object
will be TO eclipse all former carnivals;
and, to do this. many novelties must be
thought out and adopted. some of the
most popular of the old features en-
larged to grander scale, and every
ar If ic nnccihIo
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
CAN YOU TELL ME?

Can you tell me why this should be.
In every land. on every sea,
Why sun should always shine for some,
And shadows over others come?
Can you tell mes
Can you tell me why honestt toll
Should be defrauded Of the spoil!
Why poverty and grief and gall
Should be SO great, and sweetness smallt
Can you tell me?
Can you tell me why buds unmade
Should blossom, and then droop and fade;
Why little children. pure and free,
Should sinful men and women be?
Can you tell me?
Can you tell me why woman's lot
Is so ill-east and mans is not;
Why she. the weaker of the pair,
Must still the greater burden bear:
Can you tell me!
Can you tell me when all is done,
The curtain dropped at set Of sun.
Why man of man speaks Woads of praise
When he needs not the wasted laysl
Can you tell me?
John G. Temple in Omaha Bee.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
Marriage Is a Failure.

Springfield Union
When there is too much night-key.
When dinner is not ready at dinner
time.
When the watchword is Each for
himself"
When neither husband nor wife takes
vacation.
When the children are given the neck
and the back of the chicken.
When man attempts to tell his wife
what style Of bonnet she must wear
When mans Christmas presents to
his wife consists of boot shirts and
gloves for himself.
When the lord of creation pays more
for cigars than his better half does for
hosiery, boots and bonnets..
When both parties persist in arguing
over a subject upon which they never
have and never can think alike.
When father" takes half of the pie
and leaves the other half for the one
that made it and her eight children.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
MINNEAPOLIS.
Low WATER
Cuts Down the Flour Output
Very little Old Wheat Used,


The Northwestern Miller in its issue
to-day will say;
Low water cut down the flour output
materially last week, it being the light
est in three weeks. The aggregate pro-
duction of the eighteen mills which ran
was 125.200 barrels, averaging 20,S67
barrels daily, against 141, 900 barrels the
week before, and ia. $50 barrels for the
corresponding time in 1883. This week
the same number of mills are running,
but they have so far ground stronger.
The water power is still insufficient,
though averaging better than a week
ago. Steam is being utilized more now
than at any time in the past. There
were ten engines in use to-day, which
includes all except one, and that will be
started as soon as it can be placed in
condition for operation. The mills at
present are probably producing at the
rate of 25,00O barrels per tWenty-four
hours. Comparatively little old wheat
is now being ground. Two or three
mills are using so per cent. few others
much less, while only one is known to
he grinding it exclusively.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
A Terrible Accident.
Judge.

Judge.
At the club.
First Old Man-That was a terrible
accident last night, wasn't it?
Second Old Man - Yes: shocking,
shocking!
First Old Man = By the way, did you
notice how many were killed and in
jured?
Second Old Mar-No, didn't notice,
really.
First Old Man-Er-do you remember
where it occurred?
Second Old Man-Um, no; just looked
over the newspaper hastily.
First Old Man-Terrible accidcntl
Second Old Manufacturing, shock
ing!
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

until the time of his death. In the same
district row reside CARL SCHURz, once
senator from Missouri; GEORGE
HoADLY, an ex-governor Of Ohio; Gen.
THOMAS Ewing, former representa-
tive in congress from the same state.
and Gen. MARTIN MCMAHON. Surely
from such an array of talent the Demo
Gratis of Mr.. CoX's old district ought to
select representative that would do
honor to the people of that district. 1t
is a lamentable fact that since Mr.. CoX's
death the Empire state Of the Union
has not man of ability that rises above
the average to represent her in the lower
house of congress-
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

VIII Cancel the Tariff.

chicago, Sept. 25.-The Big Four, it
is announced to-day, will Immediately
cancel the tariff recently issued from
points on its line to st. Paul and Min
neapolis in connection with the Bur-
lington & Northern. Iappears that the
tariff was issued without the authority
or knowledge of President ingalls,. who
was in New York at the time, and who
had agreed with other high officials to
take no action on the Burlington Il
Northern's proposition. On his return
to Cincinnati he Immediately ordered
the withdrawal of the tariff.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
1t Makes a Difference.

Detroit Free Press.
isn't that a shame!" he exclaimed,
as he halted between the Circus parks
and pointed from one to the other.
"What?"
why, the way the grass is burned
up. It's curious how the city negleets
its own property. Some one ought to
be ashamed of himself"
Yes. You own place up the ave-
nue?"
Il do"
II went past there the other day, and
noticed that you hadn't live spear Of
grass left. 1t has all burned out for the
want of few feet of hose and little
attention. It's curious how some pe0~
pie neglect their own property"
"Ahemr'
s'GOOd mOrningp'
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
Good Time to Travel.

TOPEKA, Kan, Sept. 25.-All the
railroads in the Trans-Mis5ouri Passen-
ger association have agreed upon rate
of one and one-third fare for the round
trip for all those attending the Inter-
state Deep Water convention, to be
held in this city Oct. 1. The tickets
will be issued upon the certificate plan,
the purchaser paying full fare going
and taking a receipt. This receipt,
properly certified to by the secretary of
the convention, will entitle the holder to
a return ticket at one-third the regular
fare. The tickets will be limited to con-
tinuOuS MASSAGE
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

to make them. We have made these
suggestions in the hope that those most
interested in the coming winter carnival
will give them their immediate atten-
ton, and in the full confidence that the
public-spirfted people of this enterpris-
ing city will back them up in their eff
forts
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

The Democrats of the New York con-
gressional district lately represented by
Mr.. Cox are at sea regarding his sue
cessor. Their difficulty is not due to a
lack of available timber so much as it is
to plethora of distinguished and tai
ented men. The district seems to be a
favorite resort for Western politicians
who make their homes in the East
When Mr.. Cox had been gerrymandered
out of congress by the Ohio legislature
he went to New York. and was almost
Immediately placed back in congress by
his new constituency and kept there
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
Anti-Powderlyites Organizing.

ST. LOUIS, Mo-, Sept. 25.-It is stated
on good authority that there is to be a
gathering of anti-Powderly Knights of
Labor in St.Louis next week, on the oc-
casion of the visit of Powderly to this
city. The ants will accept that oppor-
tunity to make demonstration against
Powderly, and it is more than probable
some rows will result. Barry, who is
POwderly's old foe, will be here.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
A Little Off.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
''Say, haven't you any sense?" he de,
manded of his friend. as they crossed
the street and left the third man to go
on alone.
whats up?"
"Why. you kept asking him if he had
been away this summer, and if he had a
good time, and if he went fishing, and
all that
''Well, wasn't that common court
esy?"
mot under the circumstances. Not
when he'd been in the work house all
SummerH
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
Boston & Albany Cut.

BosToN, Mass. Sept. 25.-Tie Boston
& Albany railroad has made substan-
tial reduction in rates to the West to
meet the cut of the Fitchburg and Bos-
ton d Maine. First-class tickets to Chi
cago cost $50; to Cincinnati. $3.50; to
st. Louis. s24.25, and corresponding fig
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
The Jewish New Year.

The Jewish New Year will be OBJ
served by services of appropriate
nature at the temple. At the Reformed
Jewish synagogue, at Tenth street and
Ninth avenue south, Rev. Samuel
Marks, the new rabbi, will conduct the
exercises, which begin at o'clock and.
include a sermon.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
MONEY TALKS.
Convention of the A merican Bank.
ers' Association in Kansas City

KANSAS CITY. No., Sept. 25.-The
annual convention of the American
Bankers association met here to-day.
The city is gaily decorated in honor of
the event. The convention is the larg-
est ever held by the bankers, fully 1000
delegates being present from all parts
of the country. President Charles Par
SONS, of ST. Louis, called the convention
to order at the Warder Grand opera
house. at II o'clock. The Right Rev.
Eugene P. Hopkins, bishop of the
Methodist Episcopal Church, South,
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
The Tables Turned.

New York Weekly.
First Club Man-Ah. good morning.
Jaggs. Ha, ha, ha! I'll bet your wife
gave you fits when you got home last
night. You were tight as
Second Club Man (wildly)-DOn't you
! laugh, you grinning idiot. She wasn't
there. She's eloped with man who
don't drink.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

We want to express our obligations
to our old blind weather prophet for the
assurance of an open fall, and of a
long spell of Indian summer weather
before the winter freeze sets ill., 1t is a
matter of common history that KEEL
LoGG is better weather regulator than
the man whom the government hires to
attend to that business. GREEDY often
fails in his predictions, but KELLOGG
seldom does 1t is true that the last
two or three days have not been caIeu-
lated to inspire confidence in KEEL
LOGG's weather wisdom, yet the
chances are that the old man will come
out ahead. He has established a secret
telegraph communication with the stars,
and he generally knows that his weather
tips are straight before he gives them out.
According to his forecast there will be
10 freezing until December; and from
that time on, until early spring, the
weather will be at the disposal of the
ice carnival directors.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

PRESIDENT BUSHNELL, of the state
fair association, objects to Chicago as
the site for the worlds fair because he
is afraid the Chicago jobbers will
wheedle the Minnesota country mer-
chants into buying their goods. Mr..
BUSHNELL always was good joker,
and this Is one of his best. Those Chi
cagO fellows are pretty slick, it is true,
but the man doesn't live who can take
a st. Paul jObber's customers from him.
Chicago may hold three worlds fairs
every year, and yet st. Paul will con-
tinue to do the jobbing business of the
Northwest. ST. Paul enjoys natural
advantages which artificial devices can
not overcome
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

The malcontents still clamor for jus
tice to MCGILL. In the meantime Gov.
MERRIAM continues to swing around
the circle, amazing the country dele
gates with the vastneSs of his bucOlic
knowledge. 1t will all tell in the next
convention
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

WASHINGTON, Sept. 25.-For Wisconsin:
Fair; westerly winds; slightly cooler in east
ern portion. slightly warmer III western por-
tion For Iowa: Light rain, followed by
clearing weather; westerly winds; station
ary temperature: For Minnesota and Da-
kota: Light rain, followed by clearing
weather; warmer, westerly winds
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26
Anew Burlington Tariff.

The Burlington further complicated
the rate situation yesterday by declar-
ing new tariff via the st. Louis, KeO-
kuk & Northwestern, and Burlington,
between St. Louis 81 st. Paul. The new
rates are:
2 3 A. S A B c. d E
81 45Ys 2SIa % 10 % Is 13 Is p
The old rates between the points named
were:
2 8 4 5 A b C d z
=
SO 52Is 40 26 81 &c 81 IS 10 I3ls
Faithorn's tariff No. IS still governs
in all cases where lower rate is made
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

FORAKER has been Respondent since
he heard the news from France. He is
apprehensive that the Ohio people may
be encouraged to initiate the French in
snuffing out political mOuntebanks.
This is a bad year for Sire alarm"
statesmen.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

JOHN L. SULLIVAN sober is ashamed
of JOHN L. SULLIVAN drunk. Having
recovered from his debauch, the cham
pion is indignant at himself for permit
ting his name to be used as a congress
sional candidate. Mr.. SULLIVAN ac-
knowledges that he is tough, but insists
that he has not sunken SO lOT in the
scale of human degradation as to have
an ambition to go to congress.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

This is the day that ENISIoNs BLAINE
becomes a partner in the Mccormick
Harvester works. His brides S33. 600
trousseau is merely a slight souvenir of
the generosity of our Western farmers.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

SINCE the metropolitan press quit
sneezing every time the political leaders
took snuff, there has been wonderful
publication of the political atmosphere
of New York
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

THE Montana election may be close,
but the campaign has not been exciting.
There has not been pistol fired, and
the term Liar has only been exchanged
three times.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-09-26

Dr.. ANCKER's suggestion of the dan
ger Of fire at the county and city hos
pital ought to receive the attention of
somebody in authority. The ability of
the oil lamp as holocaust creatoris too
we'll understood to admit of a prolonged
discussion of the matter.