Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-06-16

of at Kankakee, and you have to get into
these corsets first, but you vow bY every-
thing inside of you to wear them looser al
once and forever after. If you are in a
lower birth you have to give it
up and slide out and stand
between the berths and the curtain. No
woman has ever yet accomplished this with
out being Head and shoulders above the
upper berth. OF course you can at least
turn your back, and pretend you don't know
how your head is intruding. The chances
are the man will be awfully conscious Of
scanty attire, and will forthwith duck under
the sheet and pray heaven that you WON'T
turn your head, but then again he may be
one of those selfpossessed, cold blooded
wretehes, who is quite equal to just keeping
still, and counting your corset lacings in
half whisper, while you hope the root will
as soon as you have gotten off the car, fall
in and crush him.
IF you are fortunate enough to have no
one above you, smiles and bribery may ia-
duce Mr.. Porter in the morning to do up
your berth for you. all but the curtains that
hang In front Meanwhile, you camp OUT
in the AISLE. This will leave YOU a little
boudolr where you can enter with your
clothes and dress in peace and not in pieces.
To be sure. if one of the berths next door is
taken apart, and the side partition removed,
there you Sre-in propria persona, or im2
proprla, as may happen.
TIP THE PORTER.
You must fee the porter too we'll for that
to happen, thought Also, YOU NAV arise
three or four hours ahead of everyone else.
and chance getting possession of the ladies'
toilet room long enough to dress there like a
Christian, but won't encourage you in that
direction. When you come out YOU ara
likely to lose your life at the hands OF the
first gaunt female who heads the waiting
line, and all the while you are in the door
will be pounded on, comments loud and
deep will trickle through the keyhole,
women will vow in shrill trebles that their
children are dying for a drink Of water, etc.,
till you wish you had stayed in your little
bed, and dressed yourself while you sat tied
in a bowknot humping your head against
the roof
There is just one way to shut out draught
and cinders in the lower berth Spread
your shawl and pin it across both windows,
the upper edge OF the shawl turning over an
inch or so along the "roof'' of your coffin
and the lower edge being tucked under the
mattrass. This, of course, shuts out every
bit of "fresh air." too, but dear me, you
don't expect fresh air on a sleeper, do you?
The more things you can crowd into the
young hammock that is usually slung along
the wall, and into the pockets with which
some interiors are provided, the better.
else is bound to get lost. You
may make out chart of your couch if you
like, and fill up the corners with mathemat-
lcal e1actitude, yet when you arise in your
might and your mightn't in the morning
you won't be able to find single thing,
Your pettieoat will be under your pillow,
your shoes in the next berth, your front
piece half way up the aisle. and your stock
ing supporters in your neighbor's high hat,
Nobody has ever been able to explain this.
RETIRE IN FULL DRESS.
Give your ticket to the porter when Won
retire. 1t is just barely possible that by so
doing you may escape being generally
gazed in upon by burly conductor, who.
about P. NJ, will flash dark lantern on
you, turn you over briskly by the shoulder.
and ask il you are going to Hopskotch, and
il so where you want your baggage sent.
For this same reason, and because on gen.
sral principles it is best to retire on car
equipped for picnies and publicity, 1 advise
that you don't do your hair up on papers.
Or that, ii you do, you wear a becoming
Tam O'Shanter cap pulled well down. The
poor passengers will have enough to harrow
up their soul If in the dead Of night the
awful summons comes that usually accom-
panies a collision, without having their
brains turned by a saered-eyed, paper
ikewered female flying around the atmos-
Dhere. We should always think of others
n such matters.
On the subject of losing things, am pre-
1or To =
# course, don't lose them. If you do. whv
lon't bother the porter about it-or anvons
lse. You may go so far as to cast a watch
ul eye about If the porter with dignity
demands an explanation, you may say in a
.entle and deprecatory tone that you seem
o have mislaid your diamond earrings, or
Iour purse with $3.50 in 1t, but that it's of
10 consequence. Don't expect anything to
esult from this. Usually you NAV make
Ip your mind that ii the thing is stolen
y any. one, especially by the por-
er, stolen it is going to stay. II
is just ''lost," it is likely
o turn up as the berths are being made.
Zour meekness in speaking of the matter
nay interest the porter to hunt, or mayeven
ouch his iron bound soul, and make him
rivately unload if he has it, and leave Won
D discover the missing article in some con-
pieuous place where you have already
ooked dozen times. In such case, do not
sil to understand the sable Croesus. Droop
our eyelids, modestly say you knew Of
purse it would turn up, and give the whita
Dated caramel double fee.
A LITTLE DAMP,
The bedd1ngis always a little damp-some.
mes quite wet-and the blankets are more
eaVy than warm. In most cases you will
e more comfortable to pin blanket across
he windows, and roll yourself over
nd over in your shawl to sleep. Among
arting admonitions let me call vour at.
'ntion to the advissbility Of observing the
umber OF your berth if you leave it in the
ight. If you can't see it, feel IL
IS usually hung on velvet tab
OWN the center Of the curtain, and you can
ace the metal figures with your finger.
ry to carry general idea of how far down
bur place is and on which side of the car.
I'd simply assure yourself by the feel. be.
Iuse you would be liable to suspicion If you
ere observed feeling all along the curtaina
I'd you would also be liable 10 a sudden
I'd unpremeditsted plunge into a strange
nth II the car took jump while YOU
ere feeling" number.