The Russellville Democrat., 1889-03-28
CONCERNING cRAhks.
A Cart-Load of Truth Presented for ths
 Edincatfon of Dudes and others.

 A cart-LoAd of Truth Presented for shs
 Publication of Dudes and others.
 The crank is the medium through which motion is imparted to all ma chinery, and the crank in society is the medium through which all original Ideas are forced through the thick skulls of mankind in general The crank rises above the teeming millions because he is different from them, and that difference, which consists in the possession of small but carefully-se- lected stock of brains. makes him con spicuous The crank does not attract attention by acting as hostler and sta ble-man to Q pair of Siberian blood hounds or St Bernard dog which was bred in Hester street and whose an- cestors smelt saltwater only when fish brine was put on them to kill tieas. The crank does not wear button-hole bouquet because every ass on his street does. The crank goes four blocks out of his way to return borrowed um- brella- He does not try to talk Eng fish and dress Cockney. when his fea- lures reveal the fact that for fourteen generations his nose has been used in New England to split pumpkins on, and his cheek bones shj.o ike red mo- rocco pads on coach harness. He does not change his suits as many times in a day as the trump does in a euchre deck. just to be in fashion. The crank does not borrow five dollars of every man who smokes cigar with him, and he will pay debt moro readily than a compliment The crank is prompt, sharp and savory, and so Is salt. but both are pretty necessary in the world and in well-regulated food.
 Young men. you may have heard of Columbus, not in Ohio, but Genoa, Italy. He was a crank. He told the whole world, Go west young man, go west" and it went west, and the Gould system of railroads and the new aque- duct, not to speak of the Rochester knockings and the more persistent and sffecrdal knockings of JohnL Sullivan, has grown out of that advice.
 When Columbus refused to buy his wife pug dog, and continued to wear tight pants after the fashion changed, the populace Of Genoa called him a crank; but he got there all the same, and had can named after him, the Columbiad, when sounded and kicked, both like thunder.
 Calico was crank. He asserted in one of his advertisements of clock he had patented: 'The world moves, great reduction in clocks" and they snatched him up and told him to recant Re can't" said he, Il really can't" and went on and perfected his inventions, which resulted in the Waterbury watch. sae
 Washington was crank. In l775 you could find million people in Eng land who said he was a crank. They told him in '76 that it was all right for the colonies to submit, and remarked of the stamp act, Its English. don't chew know;'' and Wash carefully plac- ed his thum on his nose and worked his fingers like fan as he remarked: That's what's the matter" And the English wished to get his remains tc hold a post mortem on, but Washing. ton put himself in the hands of his friends and they elected him father of his country. which position he will probably hold a good while.
 Oh, what a crank Lincoln wasi How his clothes wouldn't fit him. and he had bunions on his big feet and his trous- CTS bagged at the knee, and my, my, what great homely mouth he had; and stories-well, boys. ifI catch any of you telling Lincoln's stories l will pull you bald-headed. We'll, say no more. There never was great man yet who did not begin business as crank. I would rather be speckled bean in a two-bushel bag of nice white ones than to lose my identity as one of the two millions
 1 want to find the young man you called a crank. He can take my fine boots and gold watch when he goes to party, and can go fishing with me in June want to be on the right side of that youth. He will be able to give me a post-office if he lives twenty years. All of you who have brains enough may go now and digest this cart-load of truth.