Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-10-16
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
An Odd Epitaph Improved UDon-Twins-
burg, Oshkosh and Kapkakce-Comedian
soiomon's Trick-Justice to Insurance


An Odd Epifaph Improved Upon-Twins-
burg, Oshkosh and Kapkakce-Comedian
solomon's Trick-Justice to Insurance
Men.
IN the graveyard-cemetery the natives call
| it-of Twinsburg, small village within driving
distance of Cleveland. there Is to be seen a very
ordinary tombstone upon which, to the memory
of some departed Twinsburger is inscribed:
Remember me as you pass by;
As you are now. so once wasI;
ASH am now, you will be.
| Prepare for death and follow me.
This legend was very popular centuries ago
| in England as an epitaph, but the other day a
very smart young lady who happened to visit
the Twinsburg graveyard added happy
couplet to the quatrain, as follows:
To follow you, we're not content
| Until we know which way you went
| So
TwINsBURG, by the way, is an instance of the
| tyiviality which has governed the naming of SO
| many places in America. As 1 understand it
the little village of $50 inhabitants has to ask
| the smiles of fortune and the favorable consid-
| Grafton of the world under its silly name be-
cause two brothers who were twins founded it
| and owned all the land thereabouts, These
twins evidently lacked imagination. Their
modesty was large also, or they would have
called the place by their name, as Brownsville
or Johnstown, for instance. But they just con-
tented themselves with commemorating the fact
that they had come into the world at or about
the same moment, and they have left the full
particulars Of their natal distinction ON their
tombs.
But Twinsburgi Heavens, what name for
place!
1T is really remarkable that the people of
Oshkosh have not ere this made an attempt to
change the name of that thriving Wisconsin
town. Oshkosh cannot sound lovely to any ears,
and even If it is not derived from the utter
ance of an intoxicated Scotchman Hospitality
inviting travellers to join him in shot scosh,"
no hidden meaning can make the sound of the
word euphonious.
Kankakee is another town which suffers by
its name, and in the slang of the theatrical
profession is a synonym for future world that
even actors do not desire to reach. Yet sup
pose there are people TO whom Kankakee and
Oshkosh sound sweet. Home is well called by
any name.
1Ryou have not been to see ''The Brigands"
yet and intend going, it may be worth your while
to keep a sharp lookout for a trick that Fred
Solomon plays in the final chorus of the first
act. The comedian has a very strong voice,
and you can hear it almost as plainly as the
liquid notes of Lillian Russell above the others.
In the midst of the whirling rousIng waltz
song Solomon may be heard to interpolste two
or three bars of annie Laurie" It has the
oldest effect. The orchestration of the work
permits this insertion to be made without dam
age to the real air.
OF course there is nothing artistic about this
little feat, but it will make you laugh. A good
many on Monday night failed to notice it.
80
IT is the custom to abuse insurance men, to
make light of their persistency and winning
ways, and the number of jokes made at their
expense in the course of year brings them
into formidable rivalry with the messenger boy
and the motherln-law in the field of the pro-
fessional joker, but it is time to give them
credit for some excellent qualities which they
possess in degree above all other men.
Insurance men are punctual to the dot;
whether it is to sign a contract involving tens
of thousands or merely call of courtesy, they
may be depended upon to be on time. They
are, most of them, I honestly believe, fairer,
sduarer and more directly honest in their deal
ings than the majority of men in other lines of
business. The best insurance men, am speak
ing of life insurance in this instance, are
broadguaged and far sighted in their treat
ment of the great herd of insurers. They do
not take advantage of the ignorant, and that is |
as much as to say in this matter of insurance |
about seven-eighths of the risks they write. |
Hardly more than two men in ten understand |
the conditions of insurance, and the writer's |
thereof could swindle thousands, where only |
tens are deluded by less scrupulous agents to- |
day.