davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-03-20

BENJAMIN HARRISON born at North Bend,
Ohio August 20, 1888. He graduated Miami Uni
versty i'll that State in 1851 and after entered
the law office of Hon. B. Storer of Indianapolis where
three years LATER at the age of 81 he commenced the
practice of law. A legislative investigation, which
entrusted to him by Governor Wright, worked
up with such deXterty bring him to the front
skillful lawyer, and elected the highest praise from
all parties.
Soon after the outbreak of the rebellion, when Presi
dent Lincoln called for $4,000 volunteers he entered
the service lieutenant; and regiment having been
formed mainly through his energy, he appointed
its colonel and entered the army of Kentucky
and Tennessee, under General Hooker. There he
dered such distinguished service that he made
Brgadier- General. He continued in the army till the
close of the war; and in the final review at Wash
ingtOn when the troops disbanded in 1865.
In 1881 he entered the United States Senate, and
remained there six years. retiring in 1897 During his
service Senator he bold and eloquent speaker
the leading political measures Extracts from his
speeches read WELL and have the ring of pure metal
General Harrison is rather under the average height
with fair hair and heavy blond beard He is de-
scended from English ancestry, of whom
prominent General in the time of Cromwell, to whose
lot it fell to sign the death-warrant of Charles l.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15

where, save Salt Lake Liberals, pay their
apprentices better wages than their skilled
mechanics. Rehoboam's finger is thicker
than Solomon's loins. These pioneers
have made Utah what it is, and men who
can make the wilderness to bud and bios
som as the rose; men who by their thrift
and industry have located and built cities
which are the envy and even admiration of
their bitterest opponents; men who have
and are still opening up industries and
successfully carrying them on; men who
have gone to the serfs of every country
and brought them here to bind up the
broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to the
captives, and the opening of the prisons to
them that were bound, are certainly enti-
tied to myvote. Christopher Wren is held
as model architect from the fact that he
trained unskilled laborers to do the most
skilled work. The leaders of the Mormon
church have done the same.
Men who have borne the burden and
heat f,.the day, men who crossed the plains
when travelling was not luxury, who i'm
proved their farms, who build houses and
cities for me, are. entitled to my profound
est respect, even if l do not approve of all
their actiLns. They sowed in tears and in
faith. as a Liberal reap the harvest, and
whilst so doing 1 will not necessarily
pluck gray hair from the head of one of
those noble pioneers, but will, if possible,
bestrew their path with roses.
FRANK EVELYN.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
IN THE SOUP.

From the prehistoric ages,
And from many modern sages
Comes a troupe
OF slang phrases. and the greatest
Is that freshest one, and latest
I'm the soup"
People are not beat or baffled,
Never are disturbed or ruffied-
None will stoop
To remark they're blue or lonely.
Or discouraged-they are only
in the soup"
No one nowadays gets the mitten,
No fond lover, being smitten,
Is the dupe
OF false smiles that cost him dearly.
Such man as that is merely
In the soup"
There is now no business failing,
like there used to be prevailing.
They don't whoop
That a bankruptcy is CALLING;
They remark the man is falling
I'm the soup"
If this drizzly rain keeps falling
With persistence quite appalling
Wen all droop,
And will swim, not with the winners
But where Noah left the sinners
in the soup"
j. B. Smiley in Joliet News.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
An Embarrassing Situation.

There was to be company at dinner, and
Bobby's mother had cautioned him to be care
full of his behavior, especially to eat sparing-
ly and always to say thank you when any
thing was passed to him.
The old people were rather numerous and,
perhaps, rather hungry. At all events, they
kept the hostess SO busy that she found no
time to wait upon Bobby. The little fellow
grew desperate.
Say, ma" he whispered, after time,
show can l eat sparingly and say thank you
if don't get Observation-Disclosures Re
publican.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
Same Thing.

Jack Gmpatiently)-What do you want to
howl "Rats!" for in that idiotic manner
whenever you hear an old storyl
Ned-Probably for the same reason that
you yell "Chestnuts!" when anybody springs
an old gag on you.
Jack-But there's some sense in that
There's story connected with chestnuts-
Ned-Exactly; and there's tail connected
with rats-Judge
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
He WAS Thoughtful.

'Can you furnish bail in the sum of $1,000"
was asked of a prisoner in the police court
the other day.
"Yes, suppose could, but"-
"Who will go on your bondF"
81 was going TO say that the president of
the United States would probably be only
too glad to, but 1 hate to bother him with
such trife. PIP
Sect some one else~
mo, I'll go to Jail. This is Mr.. Harrison,s
busy day, and don't want to disturb him. !"
--Detro;. T-ee Pres
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15

Johnnie DOCKING admiringly at his own
copybook)-Thats better writing than you
can do to save your life.
Willie examining it with pitying eye)-
Yes, it's pretty good penmanship. You sign
your name very well I'm sorry for you,
Johnnie, but you'll never be great man.
Chicago Times
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
The Last Iceman Joke of the Season

Lady Of the House-You're late today.
Iceman-Yes'm; Pm around alone today
My assistants laid up in the hospital
whats the matter with himg"
"He was taking bill into house yester-
day when the tongs slipped, an the bill fell
on his leg an broke it. Life.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
Variety is the Snice of Life.

"Gnadige Frau, have you trifie to give to
a poor crippled"
''You impertinent fellowl Why, you were
here last week in the character of a blind
beggarm
"Well, you see. ma'am, nowadays the pub
lie wants variety. Wespen.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
Complaining without Cause.

Mr.. Grump-Why, madam, your extrava-
gance is enough to send man to the poor
housed
Mrs. Grump-H'mI can't see, then, why
you've always been grumbling so because it
sent you so often-to the bank-Munseys
Weekly
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
A Masculine Ruse.

Mrs Sweetly-Oh, dear! don't have any
spending money these days.
Mrs Younghusband-Why notl
Mrs Sweetly-Because, every time ask
my husband for $40, he bawls out "Rats!"
and it frightens me so l have given up asking
for pin money.-Burlington Free Press.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-15
rho Ror Cot sonare nith Him.

Small Boy-I saw my sister kiss your pho
tograph.
Smith tdelighted)-When, oh, when.
Small yesterday; she kissed it on the
other side, where Charlie Smith wrote a few
insulting lines to your memory-St. Paul
Pioneer Press.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30
MIR. ELKINS' PLANS.
He VIII Remove to West Virginia and
Take an Active Part in Politics.

WASHINGTON, March 23.-Stephen
B. Elkins has made all his arrange
ments to leave New York City and
take up a permanent residence at
Elkins, West Virginia. 1t is the in
tention of Mr.. Elkins and the other
gentlemen connected with the Davis
road to make Elkins the Altoona OF
West Virginia. All the shops con
nected with the railroad are to be
located here, and Mr.. Elkins himself
will build a magnificent residence
there.
He intends to throw himself into
the ranks of the Republican party,
and with his wealth and influence,
and in connection with General Golf,
organize it, with the hope that he
may come to the United States Sen
ate from that State.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30

and on the day on which the proc
lamation is issued the state or states
named in that document will be
deemed admitted by Congress into
the Union on an equal footing with
the original states
Each state will Of course have two
Senators to represent it in the SEN
ate, and until the next general cen
sus, or until otherwise provided by
law, North Dakota, Montana, and
Washington will have but one mem
Der each in the House of Represen-
tatiyes; South Dakota will have two
for the present. These Representa-
tive and the governors and other
state officers will be elected on Octo-
Der 1.-The same, day as that on
which the several constitutions shall
be passed upon by the people Of the
proposed states.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30
Dectoring in the Dark.

No sensible surgeon will atten pit
the performance of an operation in
yolying human life in room selud-
ed from the proper amount of light.
A practitioner win not attempt the
diagnosis Of complicated disease
unless he can see the sufferer and
make an examination upon which to
base his opinion relative to the
course Of treatment necessary to
bring about a complete restoration
of health.
Notwithstanding the improperly
of such action there seems to be a
great deal of doctoring done in the
dark.
By this it is not intended that q
literal meaning be inferred, but that
great many mistakes are commit
ted because of the darkness which is
the result of ignorance. 1t needs no
illustrations to demonstrate that
gross ignorance has caused many ia
tai mistakes to be made in the treat
ment of diseases by those who pro-
fess to be learned in the art of heal
ing.
In many diseases several organs
are more or less implicated and what
seems a primary ailment may be
one quite remote. For instance, a
severe headache may have its origin
in disturbed stomach. On the
ether hand, sickness at the stomach
may be caused by a blow on the
head. The seat of typhoid fever is
in the upper part Of the bowels, but
most of its worst symptoms are often
in the brain.
symptoms of disease as well as
diseases themselves are oftentimes
followed or concomitants of some
unsupported organic disease and
this is peculiarly true of lung,
liver, brain and heart diseases in
general, for it is known that they
are the result Of kidney disease,
which shows its presence in some
such indirect manner.
Several years ago a gentleman be-
Sduic Cbut lHCtu Vi tuc tfulu u tHls
and through his efforts the world has
been warned of kidney disease and
as result Of continued effort a
specific known as Warmers Safe
Cure was discovered, the general use
Of which has shown it to be of in
estimable benefit in all cases where
kidney treatment is desirable or nee
essary.
When consumption is threatened
see to it that the condition of the
kidneys is Immediately inquired into
and if they are fonnd diseased, cure
them by an immediate use Of War
ner's Safe Cure and the symptoms Of
lung decay will rapidly disappear.
There are too many instances al
ready recorded Of the terrible results
produced by lack Of knowledge
concerning the cause Of disease, and
human life is Of too much Importance
to be foolisbly sacrificed to bigotry
or ignorance.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30
The Grain Of Salt.

A lady finding beggar- boy at her
door gave him a meal OF coffee, meat
and bread and butter, which he sat
down in the area TO eat. A moment
afterward, however, he raped be-
seecbingly at the door again. and on
its being opened remarked With his
hand upon his heart, "if ! had but
q little salt | should be perfectly
happy"
OF course he got the salt.
Human nature is always lacking
something. Oftentimes it were bet
ter off without its wishes, yet it is
universally conceded that no per-
manent enjoyment can be had with
out the SAVIOR of health, which keeps
good cheer fresh and preserves and
sweetcns life for the future.
The great, rudy farmer pines be-
cause he has not won fame or posi-
ton. The famous man longs for
the lusty health of the sturdy farmer
The grain of salt is wanting.
How to secure and retain the SAVIOR
of health in the midst of this rush
ing, nervous, over-worked generation
is problem worthy Of our closest
attention. 1t cannot be done with
stimulants, which but spur on the
oyerworked nerves to fresh efforts,
only to leave them more jaded and
shattered. Nor with narcotics, which
temporarily soothe, but to create an
unnatural appetite the terrors Of
which De Quincy has so graphical
" portrayed.
1t may be asked, what is the cause
of this extreme nervousness, lack OF
appetite, lung trouble, deficient heart
action, failing eyesight, apoplectical
tendency, etc. We reply, poisoned
blood, caused by diseased kidneys,
and the troubles indicated are after
all, but the symptoms Of advanced
Kidney Disease, which is but anoth.
er name for Bright's Disease I'm
less remedied there will be a com
plete breaking down of the great
blood purifying organs, the kidneys
and they will be excreted, piece meal,
through the urine
Now, in the spring of the year
owing to the extra work which has
been put upon the Kidneys and Liv.
err, through meat diet during the
winter months, these symptoms are
more pronounced, and the danger to
the patient correspondingly increas.
ed. 1t is therefore imperative that
the Kidneys be put in complete
health, which can be speedily and
effectually accomplished by the use
Of Warmers Safe Cure, tried and
proved specific in hundreds Of thous
ands of cases.
Pursuing the path we have mark
ed out you will possess the salt o.
content, without which life's ban
quet is "fat, stale and unprofita-
bic"
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30
A RUNAWAY MATCH.
DAUGHTER or A CHIEF JUSTICE


MILWAUKEE, March 2o.-Miss
Pauline Fuller, the fifth daughter of
Chief Justice Fuller, was married
here last night at the KIRBY House,
by Justice of the Peace.
The groom was J. NJ. Aubery, Jr.,
Of Chicago, and it was a runaway
match.
When the $50 train arrived last
night petite woman was helped off
the steps Of the parlor car by we'll
knit young man with a smooth face.
The lady was closely yelled and was
escorted to a carriage by her com
panion. They were driven at once
to the Kirby House. where they reg
istered. No room was assigned to
them, and the lady and her compan-
ion spent the early evening in the
hotel parlors.
About nine o'clock the young man
came down stairs and informed the
clerk that he wanted Justice Of the
Peace. Inside of fifteen minutes
Justice Gregory arrived. There was
a hurried consultation, and then the
young man brought the blushing
young lady forward. The ceremony
was brief one, and the Justice, who
is very prosaic old gentleman, put
on no extra frills. He did not know
that the bride was the daughter of
the Chief Justice of the United
States, and neither did any of those
who were present outside OF the con
tracing parties. When the cere-
mony was concluded the old Justice
called for witnesses, and two young
men were captured in the billiard
room and ran in to sffix their sigma
lures to the necessary document.
The knot was legally and firmly
tied.
Mrs. Aubrey, nee Fuller. is nine.
teen years Of age, highly educated,
and remarkably handsome woman.
y. III. AuDefy, d., is twenty-tnree
years of age. He is the son of the
General Western Agent of the Mer-
chants Despatch Fast Freight Line
J. M. Aubrey, ST., has been a resi-
dent of Chicago since 1876, when be
left Milwaukee He is well known
here, and Congressman Isaac Van
Schaick is one of his most intimate
friends. Young Aubery is employed
in his fathers office in Chicago. He
is handsome young fellow.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30
IT WAS 4 HORRIBLE FIND.
The Ghastly Sight ON Farm in Greene
County.

WArSEsBuRe, Pa, March III
The body found hanging to tree
on the farm Of Samuel Hewitt, Rich
hill township, Greene County, is sup
posed to be that Of a Young man nam
ed Garrison, of Elm Grove, w. Va,
who disappeared from home about
six weeks ago. When the remains
we're taken down they were found to
be in an advanced s1te Of decompo-
sition. A bullet wound was found
in the back Of the head and the en-.
tire upper part Of the face and top Of
the skull had been blown off. His
death is supposed to have been the
result of suicide, yet some circum-
stances indicate that he may have
been foully deal with.
Pursuing the former theory, it IL
supposed that he climbed up the
large tree, placed the rope around a
limb, descended and climbed small
Ter tree that grew ten feet from the
larger one. Here be secured the end
Of the rope, made moose and placed
ii around his neck, then tied load
ea pistol to a branch of smaller
tree, ana in s0iae why fired it, An
empty horse pistol was found hang
ing to branch Of the smaller tree.
A strange circumstance is the facs
that no blood was found on his
clothes and the upper and front part
of the skull cannot be found. The
pistol is about Is inches long and it
is believed impossible for him to have
fired a bullet into the lower part of
his head.
Two physicians were called at Che
coroner's inquest, and one Of whom
remained steadfast to the opinion
that the mans skull was injured
from blow. The man was an en-
tire stranger in the community, but
was identified as having been seen
about six weeks before In a drug
store at Cameron, w. Va, and after
wards shooting at a mark along the
side Of the road in the vicinity of
where the body was found. About
four weeks ago young man named
Garrison, from Elm Grove, w. Va.
passed through the neighborhood in.
quiring for his brother who had dis
appeared from home, Garrison's
father once lived in Richhill town
ship and was gardener.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30
New ConuIndrnnas.
New York Evening World

New York Evening World. e:
Why did the Inauguration Of FL
ident Harrison resemble the platte
Of the Prohibition party2
Because water was the pred0I
mating spirit Of the occasion.
What is the difference between
supporters Of Harrison's platte
and those attending his inaueil
ton as President?
One wanted a reign Of protect
and the other protection from
rain.
Why must Logic have legsf
Because IL stands to reason.
Why 10 it vulger to send 4
gram?
Because it is making use Of ! A
language.
When is a lawyer most liz
mule?
When be 10 drawing up COM
ance.
What fruit is the most vision4
The apple Of the eye.
Why is Ives, the financier lik<|
leaking boat?
Because he wants to be bailed ( y
Why is the driver Of u bobtaiI Il
like sailor9
Because he's sec farm seaiaY
man.
What's the bigg est room IN I
universe?
Room for Improvement.
What kind Of band il hes
accompany a lady vocalist
A husband.
What man had the greats
opoly in fruit?
/ Noah, when he took all the hi
in the ark.
Why is electricity like tho poli
when wanted? @
Because it 8 an invisible force. Z
When Is a dice throwcr at 4 a
advantage?
When he shakes with fear
What is the Oldest tree ia Ams
lea?
The elder tree.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30
DID YOU RIVER KNOW


A brook that did not ''mur1nI q
A casualty that was not ee&
ing"
A fire that was not a "holo9
OF fame
A death that was not "univcl
deplored.
A stump speech that vas mot
and eloquent !
A business man who was n0k
ways selling off at cost
A bride that was not "bca0( n
and accomplished" "A
A dentist who could not "ext{1
teeth without pain" 81
A wedding that was not = H.
anticipated society event"
A new newspaper that did not
long felt want"
A preacher Who was not "a
full and beloved pastor" 4
A railroad train that did not ~
at lightning speed
A bridegroom that was not *a1ll11
in conventional black
A new building that was not :
great public improvement.
A town surrounded BY hills th
did not nestle" among them
A banquet that would not egro(
the most Epicurcan taste
A lot of bridal presents that
not .snumcrous and elegant. !"
A church choir or 4 band =
not adiscourse' sweet musid
A homo that wns mot eifh6
CANT y or ..coxy. L sor sshoi YitfhIS
A younr lawyer WIN wan III
ssrisinQ vounr member IL tho Bill
A deceased person VII, did TX
Of along and lingering illness 4
A doctor who WINS not *
skillful and successful practitlo1
A dead man who was not i ahj2
esteemed and rcsnected citixen Il
A political convention whoso
ceedinos were not "cntireIv k6rf
NOUS.
An obituary notice IN which
sumption il not called TIE n
DESTROYER. u:
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1889-03-30

New York Star.

the West Virginia district, has de-
clined to resign his Office at the re-
quest Of the new Attorney General
Of the United States. The law regu-
lating the tenure of District Attor-
neys says that they shall be APP
pointed for term Of four years from
the date Of their respective commits
sions. Mr.. Watts bases his refusal
to retire on the absence of any allie
cations which, if established, would
justify his removal, and upon the
circumstances Of pending cases Of
Importance which it would be pro-
fessionally Improper for him to
abandon without cause. He there
fore declares that If the President
wishes to exercise in his case the
prerogatiye Of vacating an Office by
the exercise Of arbitrary power, be
must do so without any assistance
from the present incumbent. This
is proper, dutiful and patriotic doc
trine. Mr. Watts is not merely do
ing his duty to his party; he is de-
Tending the dignity of his Office and
his profession. His example should
be followed by all Democratic in
cumbents of Federal Offices.
Mr.. Watts conduct is to be es-
pecially commended in that the duty
in which he is just now particularly
engaged is the prosecution of offend
ers against the Election laws. TWAS
never before so important that the
purity Of elections should be main
tanned by the punishment of those
who have been guilty Of crimes
against the suffrage. The country
will look with great suspicion upon
the conduct Of the Attorney General
in imperiling the successful conduct
of these cases by the attempted dis
placement of Mr.. Watts.
There is also another matter of
grave Importance which may have
had influence upon the Administra-
ton. The Governorship Of West
Virginia is in dispute. In the State
courts the attempt of the Republi-
can claimant to take possession has
been overruled by an adverse decis-
ion. There is possibility of the
question of recognition by the United
States arising, and there seems to be
a desire on the part of the Admins
tration to have United States Dis
trict Attorney ready to do its will.
But the issue is purely State mat
ter. There is no valid reason what
ever TO anticipate q conflict between
the National and State governments,
and certainly if such a contest should
arise an officer who has proved him
self so capable and conscientious as
Mr.. Watts would do his duty as the
legal representative of the General
Government without regard to par
tisan considerations. The attempt
to take away the position Of Mr..
Watts under the circumstances is
one of the greatest mistakes the adj
ministration could make, for it pre-
cipitates an issue in which General
Harrison and his advisers are wrong,
and puts it to test in case in which
the improperly Of their course is
manifest,
We trust that we shall hear moth
/ ing more about the intention of Dem
ocratic Federal officials to abandon
their posts Of duty, whether they be
in term offices or the occupants of
places within the lines of sthe CLASH
fed service"