Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-06-24

Song of the dry goods clerk: Swinging
in delaine.
A cat with it's fur ruflled doesn't feel
fur-straight.
Wait till after dinner before you fall
out with the cook.
The quick and the dead-the pitcher
and the man out on third.
Harry always pay as L go. Larry
Yes, but you don't go.
He-Miss Travis, do you look favora-
bly, upon my suit? She-Certainly it fits
you beautifully.
She-What kind of typewriter do you
prefer, caligraph or Il Hammond? He
think L prefer blonde.
Everything has its use in this world.
| Even the fly that persistcntly refuses to
be caught teaches tile bald-headed man
patience.
Home Is the dearest place on earUn,
remarked hobbs to Dobbs. Yes, replied
Dobbs: That's why we quit
and went to board.
Tubbs-I fiatter myself that honesty is
printed on my face. Grubbs-Well-er-
yes, perhaps, some allowances for
typographical errors.
l say, Jenkins, can you tell a young
chicken from an old one? Of course can.
Well, how? BY the teeth. Chickens don't
have teeth. No, but have.
\ lawyers life is full of trials and trib-
ulaLions, but he manages to make money
out of the trials and leaves nothing but
the tribulation of his clients.
Young Lady-Mr. Conductor, will l
have time to say good-by to my friends?
Conductor-Guess not, miss; this train
leaves in two hours and half.
The interstate commerce law has seri-
ously injured the canning industry of the
Pacific coast. Formerly they sold all
they canned and now they can't.
Omaha wife-I hate this horrid dust
that is blowing; it makes me keep my
mouth closed. Omaha husband-Can't
you take some of it home with you?
Maddern-Are you the fellow that
SIOlC HI uulDIClld! Jus, WHY
Do you want it? Maddern (aghast)-N-
no, keep it, and I'll send over the cover
to-day.
The editor of a paper published on the
Rio Grande says that the week previous
he had three inches of water in his sane
tum. That is more than he ever had i'm
his stomach.
Maud-So you are going to marry your
fathers cashier. Isabella-Yes. Pa saws
that if he runs away with the banks
funds the money will still be in the fami-
ly.
Brown-Well. Jones, have you sue
ceeded in capturing Miss Smiths hand
yet? Jones-Not yet, but I've got the
Yes; got the mitten.
An Iowa editor writes: eve have re-
ceived a basket of fine grapes from our
friend W., for which he will please ac-
cept our compliments, some of which are
nearly two inches in diameter.
A certain clergyman, who recently had |
an overcoat and umbrella stolen from
his hall, thinks that the thief is likely to
turn up in the world where neither over |
coat nor umbrella is needed for comfort. |
Winks-Has your wife cheerful dispo- |
sition? Minks-O, yes very cheerful. |
Last night when L was dancing around the |
room on one foot, after having stepped |
on tack she laughed till her sides ached.
rural capitalists in California lost
purse containing $40 or $50. 1t was found
and returned to him after the lapse of a
month, when he surprised the finder by
a months interest on the
money.
The owner of large Pennsylvania
coal mine was descibing hell to his little
daughter as place where a big fire was
always burning. She then startled him
by saying, "Pa, couldn't you get the devil
TO buy his coal of your"
superstitious man after reading an
headed: Cut this out, it
nay save your life, cut the advertisement
put and pasted it in his hat, and the same
lay was struck on the head by brick
md killed.
CONSUMPTION CURED.
An old physician, retired from practice, having