River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1889-04-18
THE TWO BABES.
A Pathetic Episode of Railroad
Travel.

1T was when me and SiIcn. was
stariin' East 10 have time an 20 sorto
see il we could round up on the old
stompin' grounds somebody that re-
membcrcd us
When lie had gotten well started into
the description Of the journey, he
paused and mentally regarded with
awe the picture that memory cOnjured
up OF Il man who habitUally eclipscd
the most artistic efforts Of the men
who believed that profanity was the
only phas" 81 the English language
understood by cattle on the range. and
who always endeavored 10 render their
remarks TO the b0vines Ineligible. II
was evident that the conductor swOre.
Many things had cOnspircd 10 make
the journey an uncomfortable one. As
there was but one train on that apol-
Ogy for line Of railroad, which was
little better than two strealls Of rust
running across the prairie to nowhere
in particular, the fact that there was a
backward trip 10 BE- made, some time
in the future, was the only cause for
haste. What there was of speed
seemed mostly a series Of jerkces not
calculated 10 have balmy influence
upon the crabby temper of the jerlzees
in the old caboOse. Bates. the CONNER
cial traveller, was cynical and equity,
and perpetually upon the opposite of
every subject advanced by the narrator.
Spccr>
Stretched on tho long bcrch lay
Silent. filling the ear with clouds of
such yili1inous smoke that Bates in
cluded smoking in his list Of con-
formations. 10 which the silent one
replied only by putting like o miniat-
Ure EesUvius. till the conductor con-
signed all smokers TO more awful
depth than that To which fiddlers are
popularity supposed To be condemned.
Besides being luridly profane, the
small conductor was Grabbed to most
disagrccablc degree, and the tall brake
man was insulting to his superior and
neglected his duties to watch the al
most sauguinary game of .'freeze out
in which Bates and Speers INDUCED on
a board laid across their lap.
The primary cause of all the clash
ing among the occupants of the old
cabooSe was in the corner. There sat
a stoOp--hOuldcrcd man whose ague-
ycllOwcd face wore look Of chronic
apology. In his lap ne held two babies,
twins. seemingly. In spite OF the noise
Of the ear one Of the babies had not
uttered complaining cry during the
trip. and had lain with its face covered
and seemed 10 be sleeping
But the other baby. as If To show
that he was not in sympathy with
the pas~ivcncss Of bis relative.
had cried and yelled nearly the
whole way 10 be- sure. now and
thcn there would come lull in
the storm Of cries, but each OF these
was followed by an oUtburst that
almost drowned the rattle OF the ca
bOOsc ana caused the screams To bring
down upon his unconscious head the
wrath Of all i'm the ear but his relatives
and the silent smoker stretched on the
long seat.
Through IL all the sleeping baby
showed TO signs Of waking. The apOl-
ogctic-looISiug man had almost ceased
trying 10 quiet the howlcr. for all his
awkward efforts had resulted In fail
urc. and. limp ANA discouraged. he had
settled back i'm passive, pOwerless rcsig- T
nation
While the conductor had almost
burned blue with suIphurous growls. /
Bates had uttered imprccatiOns upon
all crying babies in general. and this
one in particular, ~ which the father
hal looked mors depressed and apollo
Egtic than ever.
Spcer- 10 the contrary. took occa-
sion 10 express the belief that Bates
had ones been Just such a baby, aud
that, therefore. he ought 70 have q fell /
low-fccliug for the infant.
Bates auSriIy rcpudiatrd the idea.
The conductor squirmcd wrathfully
about in his revolving chair in the
turrct of tho Caboosc. Silent guzcd
soIcmuly through "a cloud Of smoke at
the howler. as If wondering how such
a vast vo.umo Of sound could proceed
from 50 syaall body.
At each Outburst Of wrath from the
7 passengers the apologize man looked
more depressed. and once he bent and
kissed the forehead of the sleeping
baby
We'll" began the long brakeman.
Il
lie did not finish the sentence. The
progress 81 tho old caboose was sud
dcul.s checked 1; gave lurch. a con
vuI~ivc sort Of jerk. and then went
humping aud pounding along on the
tics. to come % sudden stop.
Bates aud Steers were tumblcd in a
confused heap and the brakeman was
thrown on top 81 them. The silent
man was rolled OF from the scat and
fen with force that drove his pipe
down his throat The shock did not
arouse the sleeping baby. although it
shook mp the salIow-faccd man and
popped his head against the end o. the
car.
The brakeman took his feet out Of
Bates abdomen aud Erinned malicious
" at the fate that had overtaken the
conductor.
That worthy had been thrown half
way ont Of his revolving chair. and his
head struck the window sill in front
With a sounding crack Not 70 tram
scribe his subsequent remarks too lit
orally. let me say that then and there,
and without the slightest ambiguity.
the conductor consigned the luck to
everlasting aud torrid Oblivion.
The basket that had repOsed on the
desk and containing the lunch which
he had refused 10 share with the
hungry but improvident brakeman,
was thrown into the open water butt
The conductors lurid remarks were
crowned by a aar that eclipsed any
previous effort on the part Of the baby.
The silent man examined his pipe
anxiously. and, finding that il wss I'M
injured. looked vastly relieved Bates
and SpeeI-s untangled themselves I
The brakeman fished the dinner /
basket ont OF the waterbutt /