The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-11-17

do BILE barrel shot gun at one time, but 1t
gives him no inconvenience at all, especi-
ally while standing up. He dresses plainly
and eats opium between meals.
The Baron de Rumsey has title in
soak, which he can regain by putting up
SS5, 900 and interest. He will consider p-o-
posals from a bright. young, American
girl with that amount of ready money,
providing she does not care for inordinate
affection. The baron is fifty-three years
of age, but well preserved-in alcohol
He has Travelled a good deal, mostly on
foot, late years, and can wait on the table
or take care of furnace. He has spent
two years in Switzerland, both as porter
and head waiter, and can talk well on hotel
life on the continent. He speaks two
languages, and also understands the barber
business.
Lord Peascod is young, scarcely nine
teen but desires to realize on his title at an
early date. He does not pine so much for
affection, but writes US that he has had
hardly anything to eat for nearly year.
He would like to receive overtures and
sack of flour from a wealthy American
family as soon as possible. 1t must be
early, as the offer will not be held open
long The daughter of a Provision and
Grocery dealer, or Ham and Bacon fancier
would be desirable Lord Peascod has a
kind heart, is simple in his tastes, and
drawls little when he talks. His photo
graph shows a young man who may know
something later on, but has not given his
attention to it yet. His title is clear, but
his brain Is not He may be often dis
covered by himself, wondering where he
has left his thinker. A good, strong
minded girl. say eighty-ive years of age,
with butcher shop and watermelon
patch has a glorious opportunity here to
win a young heart, such as it is, and be-
come at the same time Lady Peascod He
s tired of living on a crest with fried mush
three times day. His crest consists of q
tape worm, rambunctious on a field, de-
vastated, over sausage recusant. His
brains were once said to be in good work
ing order, but they have worked so long
now while the weather was warm, that he
lately has to sprinkle chlorides on them
while thinking.
Count Aleck Cheeseman, surnamed
Aleck the Smart, will consider sealed pro
posals from American girls or widows up
to ~ o'clock on the 3lst of December, a. d.
1885, He sets no price on his title, but will
close with the best offer, our bureau to re-
ceive its percentage both from the count
on his receipt of the dowry and from the
bride on receipt of the title. This is
cheaper than watering place iockeying,
and avoids newspaper gossip during the
preliminaries. Count Aleck the Smart is a
divorced gentleman of culture without
means. He has published hand book of
modern vices, which show his wide range
of experience. 1t is now in its ninth edi
ton, and may be procured of any doubtful
dealer He is medium sized man, with the
low, retreating forehead of the cat fish and
the heavy set mouth of the hippopotamus
He dances well and drinks other peoples
whisky almost exclusively. Yet his title
runs back as far as the eye can reach, and
his price is fair enough under the circum-
stances. The ladies he has heretofore mar
riad have agreed not to modest him in the
future, provided he will abstain from mar
rying them any more.
Count Aleck the Smart has tasted every
pleasure in life with the exception of being
gentleman for fifteen minutes by the
watch. He readily eats anything he can
overtake, and says eyether and nyether in
society.