St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-08-06
1T HAS COME. TO THIS.

Mendicant appearing at the back
door of the White house)-Gimme a
piece of crOsS-barred, opened-topped or
kivered pie.
Servant-You'll get no pie of any kind.
Mathematician I'll go round to the
front door and git postoffice. Ben and
me used to hook apples together when
we Wuz boys.
IN THE REsTAURANT.
First Waiter the economical guest
having again pocketed all his change
and departed, THAT duffer wouldn't tip
poor devil for cent.
Second Waiter-Naw; it would break
his heart if he should accidentally tip
you wink.
KNOWS THE VALUE OF PRINTERS INK.
Country Editor Ito aSSiStant)-Fetch
me in fifteen or twenty exchanges.
ASSiStant-Only two come now.
G. E.-Then write strong article
setting forth that we have the largest
and most brilliant exchange list in the
country, barring none.
AT THE POLICE STATION.
"Heard that Clubbins has been put on
the Chicago detective force"
"Well. he couldn't detect onions OH
his Wife's breath"
AT THE GROCERY.
Customer What are you selling Cleo
margarine for now?
New Boy--Sellin' 1t fer butter.
HIS MISTAKE.
The doctor who said he charged his
patients according to their ability to pay,
was forsaken by the rich ones and the
poor ones died.
VALUABLE DISCOVERY.
First ImpecuniouS Gent-Fve diScOv-
cred the fountain of everlasting youth.
Second Ditto-What want is a square
meal.
First Ditto-Well, that's Just it. I've
found boarding house kept by short
sighted woman. We can always see her
first when she comes to collect bill.
TOO SMART.
GLOW did you pass the Fourth"
didn't pass 1t till the 5th."
HAD THE NEXT THING.
TOmmy-Got any pin-wheels left over
from the Fourth?
Bobby-Naw, but I've got a buzzing
in my head.
AT THE HORSE MARKET.
Auctioneer-Well,.h how old is he?
Dealer (having just examined the ami
mails teeth)-ToO old last spring.
ON THE RIALTO.
Lucius-Hello! There's Brutus in
there doing the pocket act on that free
lunch.
Junius-Yes; he's getting ready to
take his company Oh the road next
week.
IN THE BAR ROOM.
BibulOus (going through his pockets)
i can't for the life of me remember
what | did with $50 check l received
to-day.
Tipulous-Perhaps you sent it to the
bank.
Bibulous-Ah! l remember now. 1
didn't get it to-day. Pm promised it to-
morrow. Barkeeper, just mark this
down till tomorrow.
WHAT THE DOCTORS STEP LACKS.
1t is noted in the reports from Char
lesion regarding the movements of DR..
Mellow that there is "elasticity and
airineSs in the doctors STEP" But,
alas it is not that "airiness" that
comes of dancing on the air, and that is
Just what the doctors step needs to
populariZe IL.
THE DIRECTION OF PUBLIC ANXIETY.
Mr.. and Mrs. Graham will take a
small dog with them when they shoot
the Niagara Rapids in their barrel. 1t
is hoped nothing serious will happen to
the dog.
THE CRUSHED TRAGEDIENNE.
Julia with emotion)-Oh, aunty, you
must, you will forgive me for becoming
an actress.
Aunty-I might have done that, dear,
but L can never forgive you for lot be-
coming one.
HIS BAD EAR.
Ell understand that the young Ger
man emperor is quite deaf in one ear. /
wonder which one it is?
F.-The deaf ear is the one he turns
to his subjects when they ask for more
liberty.
GREAT NATURAL CURIOSITY.
First New York POliticiaD-I have a
great natural curiosity.
Second New York Politician What
is it?
First New York Politician-I have a
great natural curiosity to know If
Mayor Grant is going to leave single
County Democrats head on his should
erS.
EDUCATIONAL ITEM.
"Your tea is really excellent" said
Mrs. Sharptongue to lady friend who
was known to be somewhat illiterate,
"Well, you see mix up two different
kinds of tea," said the lady whose edu-
cation had been neglected.
Mrs. Sharptongue-I am really glad
to hear that you have at least learned to
cross your teas.
A CHANGE FOR THE WORSE.
E.-Did you see Alderman Doodle
when you were at Sing Sing?
Eyes, saw him for few minutes.
E.-Has he changed much?
F.-Nothing but his clothes.
THE PORK MARKET.
Texas Justice-You admit you stole
the pig out of the pen?
Colored Prisoner-Yas, 1 admits I
stole de pig, but l wuz hongry, an I
didn't have muffin ter eat.
''Pork reacher," said the judge with
tears in his eyes, as he chalked him
down for two years.
Points on the Coast