Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-02-01
FULL FO FUN.

--Waiter-"Mr Pepsine is dainty
about his eating" Head Waiter-"ls
ho an epicureP" Waiter--'.No, he's q
dyspeptic. Chicago Globe. r
! Bacon TO Mrs. ParvenU Did
you see the avalanche5 in Switzer-
landp" Mrs. Parvenu-"Oh, yes: but
Inever mix with such low society,"
Time.
-Merchant-"What do you mean by
using such language? Are you the
boss here, or am the bossP" Clerk
81 know I'm not the boss" Merchant
"Then II you are not the boss, why
do you talk like a blamed fool?"--
SytinQs.
-Up-River Politician-"Are you
goin' to the caucus tonight, Jim?"
Jim-"Don't b'lieve / will, l left my
revolver at the gunsmith's to be fixed,
and he says he can't touch it until next
week. ."-Epoch.
"A Paris firm has produced porous
glass for window panes to assist venti-
lation. Porous plasters are said to be
good for bodily pains, but whether por-
Gus glass is good for window panes
remains to be determined. -NorriStown
Herald.
-Wife-"Why, John, what made
you get such little umbrella with so
much handler" Husband-"rhat ham
dies solid silver" Wife-"Yes, but
you can't put the handle up when it
rains" Husband-"Well, I'd like to
know II didn't put it up for s. during
the last wet spellP'-IVashington
Critic.
Yes" said the fruit man at the
corner, regretfully, I'm gettin' old. l
can't see as well as | used to. When |
sell pound of grapes to man that's
in 'urry. / sometimes gifts in a ripe
bunch by mistake" And the old man
sighed dismally. Chicago Tribune.
-Wife-.I was so amused to-day,
John. l was sitting in the Eden Musee,
and was actually taken for one of the
figures by an old lady. 1t was too
funny" Husband-"Ha, ha ha! 1t
must have been. Where were you sit
ting. my dear, in the Chamber Of Hor-
rors?"-M y World.
Magistrate (absent-mindedly, to
Prisoner) up! You hereby
solemnly declare, in the presence OF
these witnesses, that you will love,
cherish and protect this woman until
death do you part" Prisoner (badly
frightened) )-"Wha-what's that, yer
HonorP" Magistrate (rousing himselD
-"0h, beg pardon! it's ten dollars or
thirty days. ."-LYe.
Angel Child (to distant relative,
who is dining with the family)-"Say,
got somethin' for you. Uncle Josiah.
Here it is" Distant Relative-''My
good little man, why do you suppose
/ want that box of blacling?" Angel
Child-.Ma knows" Mother-"No, l
don't, my dear" Angel Child-"Well,
didn't you say Uncle Josiah hadn't any
polishp-Anlericd.
Miss Virginia Tone, the heiress-
"Mr. Flicus, am utterly astonished,
not to say shocked, at your proposal.
The idea of my marrying you is the
most deliciously-absurd thing | have
heard. Perhaps you are not aware
that l belong to the +. T. V.'sP" Mr..
Flicus-"'The five foolish virgins? /
was aware, Miss Virginia, that you had
passed the period OF giddy glrlhood,
but had no idea that you dated so far
back as that m-Ttrre Htatc Express.
lis the editor-in-chief IMP" asked
a stranger, as he sauntered into the
city reporters room at eight o'clock in
the morning. mo- SIR" replied the
janitor, kindly; "he does not come
down so early. Is there any thing l
can do for youP" Perhaps so. Are
you connected with the poetical de-
partment OF the paper9" II am, sir"
20, what do you do?" II empty the
waste baskets, sir.