Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1889-04-04
HONEST CARR DuMDsR.
Bono Of the Things That Bother the Bag.
Hearted Teuton.

Some Of the Things That Bother the Bag-
Hearted Teutea.
II she yhas q cold day somepody
wants to know II he vhas cold enough
for me. Can l have it shust so cold or
warme Was I to be der shudgef
If he vhas = hot day somepody wants
to know il she vhas hot enough for
me. Suppose he was or wasn't? Can
! hat dot weather like 1 want him?
II ship down on our sidewalk.
more ash ten peoples come around und
say: '.Eh. Duuder, did you fall DOWN."
If doun fall down. how vhas derep
1 lend man some money und he
pays her back und it vhas all right /
lend him some more und he shumps
oudt und eaferpody says: ''vhas .
fool you vhas! you ought to have
known better!'
Last summer / like to hire q man for
ten shilling day to work around my
house. l can't find nopody. As soon as
winter comes und nopOdy can work
more ash feefty fellers strike me for .
quarter und say der poor vhas growing
poorer eafery day.
II it vhas so warm in der winter dot
nopody can cut ice der newspapers
vhas saying dot der peoples Will be
robbed next summer by der ice man.
If it vhas SO cold dot der ice vhas two
feet thick der newspapers vhas saying
dot der coal man vhas squeezing der
life-blood out of der country.
When der days vhas short der gas
man says my bill vhas high because
der eafnings vhas so long. When der
days was.long he says l must expect
big bills because hat SO much COM
pany.
If make some shange for q GUS
toner und gif him ten cents too much.
he puts it in his pocket and says hon.
esty vhas der best policy. If dot
shange vhas ten cents short. he makes
a great row and says dere vhas no in
ducement in dis world !Or q man to be
honest.
When milkman comes in my place
for glass of beer, hs says he can't
taste some hops in dot brew. When
sip his milk and ask him where he got
dot water, he vhas ~ made he wants
to fight me.
A man comes in my place eafery day
for weeks und says l. vhas strange der
peoples dOan' maks me GOfernOr. /
lend him two dollars und dOan' see
him again fer three months. Den l
meet him und ask '7hy he dOan' pay.
und he says she WINS strange der peO-
PIES doan' ride me on rail.
Eafery body comes to me und says
vhas good Teller, und dot means
must help eafery body. If l go to some
one und call him u good fellow he
winks out of his eye at me und says:
do you pellet Ivhas some greenhorns.
eh?"
Fife hOOnered pnys SO by my house
on sleigh-ride, und sOoch a yelling
und footing you nefer heard. My poy
Shake goes out purity soon und whistles
for his dog. und policemans comes
along und says: ''Shtop dot noise.
you young Dutchman! Doan' you know
you vhas making eafery body seek!'
II l goes py some clothing shtore for
\ coat, und der price vhas too high.
Ter man says to me: ''Dunder. like
to assure her dot doln' make feefty
cents on dot coat at feefteen dollar. /
1af only ten left" buys him. und
.wo days later see a big sign in der
papers: "Big drive! one million of
lose same coats ut eight dollars und
loan you forget him."
One day man meets me und says
liberty vhas dead und der Republic
rome Oop. Der next Secondary der police
loan catch his saloon open und he
'laps me on der back und says: Lib
,rty vhas all right, und der Republic
,has der best in der wOrld!n
/ can't make him oudt. Maybe it
,has better dOan' come to America