Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-09-23

the preacher through" They say SIS he
done?"
1t is said that the reason that court
house is so gloomy is because so many
plaintiff stories are heard there.
There are two classes of people in
this world-tEose who make fools of
themselves and those who don't need to.
Small boy-Papa, has plums got legs?
Papa-No, you silly boy. Why? Small
boy-Then blessed if haven't swallowed
a beetle.
"What were you thrashing your boy
for last night?" asked a neighbor of Mr..
Caution. "Wild oats, was the old mans
reply.
A new play is called my first Cigar"
1t is not a matchless production. If it is
anything like our first cigar, it is a reich
ed composition.
The artist Ito his model in a suit of
mail whats the matter, Foley, can't
you keep still? The Model cannot, sor.
Yez shut bluebotthlle fly in tn hilmit.
Were you at the party last night,
Brownley? No; my wife went. L staid
at home and took care of the baby. Well,
what kind of a time did you have? Rocky !
'sDid you divide your bonbons with
YOUR little brother, Mollie?" Eyes, man.
ma. l ate the candy and gave him the
notices. You know, he is awfully fond
of reading"
Little Boy Cooking up from the paper
Papa, George Francis Train eats moth
ing but fruit. Papa-Indeed! Well, well,
who would have thought it? My son,
avoid fruit.
Boy-Mamma, lam made out of onions,
sage, sorrel and bread crumbs? Mother
Mercy, no. What do you mean? Boy
Johnnie Jones said he was going to knock
the >lufiing out of me.
| How many times have you been engag-
ed this summer? asked one seaside girl
of another. Seventeen. How many have
you? Twenty-one. Well, didn't get
here until after you did.
A rural correspondent speaks of fisher
men lying about the banks of the brook
all day. They generally do that. They
don't begin to lie about the fish until
they get home.
present, wear; past wore; Tommy,
define that" said the teacher. "When
mamma gets new dress it's to wear,
and when papa gets the bill it's war;"
answered the bright boy.
Mother (suspiciously)-If you haven't
been in swimming how did your hair get
so wet? Little Dick-That's perspiration
-runnin' away from bad boys wot want
ed me to dsobey you an go in swimmin J
| Minister Ito boy, digging worms)-
Little boy, don't you know that it is
wrong to work on Sunday, except in
cases of necessity? Boy-This is a case
of necessity. A Teller can't go fishin
'thout bait.
A bedridden patient in a Kansas hos
pital, who was experimental on with the
elixir of life, was able to leave his bed
the next day. He had to, in fact, in or
der to fill place prepared for him in the
cemetery.
The office of the Oil City ''Blizzard'
was recently robbed of $l.50. Publishers
of all the other rural papers in Penn
sylvania intend to hold Il conversation
and ascertain how the Blizzard got hold
of $3.50.
A gentleman in jumping off a street car
the other day, fell and rolled into the
gutter. While brushing the dirt from his
clothes, a little girl ran up and said, Mis-
ter, please do it again; mamma didn't
see you that time.
1--WE are all worms" exclaimed the
preacher in his sermon. And little Bob
by, who was following the discourse at
tentively, whispered to his mother, ''Then
that is the reason that the big fish swal'
lowed, Jonah, isn't it, mammal"
Rev DR.. Prim-Do you preach extern
pore, Brother Yallerby, or do you take
notes? Brother Yallerby- (from the
South) well, sab, thar was once time
1 took notes; but I've found it SAFEST
down in my deestrick, to insist on habing
de cash down.
Major Jones-See here, Rosy, you've
brought me up one button boot and one
lace boot How is that? Rosy Ca fresh
importation)- Faith, an they's mish'
take somewhere, sur, but divil bit do
OF know where it is. Shure an the other
pair down shtairs is in the same fix.
ssYour brother ought to marry. He is
too good a man to be wasted but
he thinks he oughtnt to, you know, be-
cause he's minister" "And why should
not a minister marry if he wants to!
81 suppose it is because he may have a
son, and you know what minister's son
usually isl