The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1889-11-13
A TYPICAL WITNESS.
What Mrs. Knapp Knew About an As.
sault and Battery Case.

What Mrs. Knapp Knew About an As
sault and Battery Case.
There is no witness so difficult to
handle as the one who insists on en-
tightening justice by giving a recital
OF some purely personal matter utterly
Irrelevant to the case on trial. This
style of witness is usually female,
and the exasperated lawyers feel ten
years younger when she steps down
from the witness stand.
A lady of this turn of mind was late
ly witness in an assault and battery
case which was tried before Justice
Duffy in New York. She lived on the
same floor with the Pattersons, who
had INDUCED in connubial fracas. 1t
was thought that Mrs. Knapp's testi-
mony weuld throw flood of light on
the somewhat conflicting statements OF
the other witnesses. Mrs. Knapp.
whose jaw was tied up; curtsied to the
court, smiled at the jurors, and having
been sworn, assumed au affidavit ex-
preston OF countenance, and waited
for something to turn up. 1t may be
mentioned incidentally that the wit
ness husband was in court, and seated
by the side OF the lawyer of Mr.. Fat
terson, who was being prosecuted by
Mrs. Patterson.
''Mrs. Knapp, what do you know
about this case?" asked the lawyer.
II woke up off and on during the
night, and my jaw ached so that"
Lawyer-''Never mind your jaw.
Please confne yourself to the assault. :"
salt is no good. I've tried bags OF
hot salt until the skin was blistered. "
"Please tell what you know about
this difficulty"
"Just so. Well, as l was saying,
when got up l knew l was in for a
bad day, SO l says to my husband--"
Madam" said the little justice,
blandly, 1--WE would like to get at the
root of this matter.''
That's just what was doing when
you spoke. I felt sure there was an
abscess at the root Of
Madam. will you please toll what
you know about Patterson striking his
wife,"
I'm a minute, your honor. was
sitting in the kitchen holding my jaw,
and"
Mr.. Knapp Ito lawyer)-'Thats a
lie. 'Nothing-not even the toothache
can make her hold her jaw"
Justice Duffy-"Keep right on,
madam, and tell what you know about
the row.
MRS. Patterson came into the
kitchen, and she says"
Every body now became interested
and leaned forward to hear what was
coming.
Eyes, she came into my kitchen, and
she says just what your Honor said
put salt on it.
Justice Duffy Madam, Isaid moth.
ing of the kind. Your tongue seems
to be like one of the planets. Nothing
short of the power that started it can
stop it."
Mr.. Knapp-"Duffy has got her
down fine. She is like an old hen.
When she starts to cackling she don't
need any help"
Mrs. Knapp with scornful look al
Knapp)-'I walked the floor for hours
and hours. Mrs. Patterson says t.
Justice Duffy-"Well, nobody ex.
pected you to walk the ceiling for
hours. Will you answer the lawyers
| question:
'Of course. Amt that what I've
been doing? My husband, who is al.
ways full of fun when he isn't full oil
beer, told me had better come and
see you"
Justice Duffy-'See meP"
Mrs. Knapp-"Yes, he said l ought
to see somebody with pull, and you
had the biggest pull in the ward"
Lawyer-"Madam, you can steI
down."
Mrs. Knapp-"You don't want te
hear my testimony"
Justice Duffy-"No, madam, you are
not required any longer"
Mrs. Knapp-"Well, this is a pretty
how-de-do. Here 1 leave the clothes
in the tub, and the breakfast dishe:
not washed, to come here aud tell 70,
what I know, and I'm snubbed thi.
way. It's just outrageous.
Justice Duffy-"Call the the mex
Witness"
Exit Mrs. Knapp Indignantly