The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1889-03-14
HUMOROUS.

Lady Ito applicant for coachman)
-. Are you an Englishman?' Appli.
cant-"No, mum; l was born in Ire.
land; but I've lived SO long in Ameriky
that pose do seem quite English,
you know. '-Harper's Bazaar.
Alawyer's brief is very long,
And Mr.. White is black,
Aman is dry when he is green,
And when he's tight he's slack;
A fire Is hot when 1t 10 coaled.
lamp Is heavy when it's light
Ashoe is bought when IL Is soled.
man can see when out OF sight.
-Husband-.I don't understand
why have to get up and make the
fire with a hired girl in the house. !
Wife" Well. if we want to keep ];
hired girl in the house We must moi
ask her to do any OF the work.
Woman Ito tramr)-.'H Have 70,
any friends or relatives?" Tramp
have brother BILL Woman-.Is
Bill tramp. too?h Tramp mo
Bill didn't turn out very well. HI
tried most every thing and final,
drifted into the milk business. ~
Time.
1t is we'll for young married
couples on wedding tours to observe
certain rules, and one good one is fol
the husband to remain seated in ;
crowded car while his bride hangs or
to the strap. People will imagine ther
that they have been married long
long time.-.Yonkers Statesman.
-Lawyer-'.Will your honor put the
usual question to the witness as to his
religious belief?' Judge-.Witness
do you believe in the existence of {
Supreme Being that controls the af
fairs Of men?" Witness-"Yawohl
Shudge, dot vas my wife Katrina. Dol
woman vas der boss!'
What wonderful painter Rubens
was!' remarked Merritt at the az,
gallery. YES" asscnted Cora. "Il
is said Of him that he could change i
laughing face into a sad one by .
single stroke. why" spoke ur
little Johnnie in disgust, "my school.
teacher can do that detroit Free
Press.
The salary OF the King Of Samoa
is twenty dollars month; and ar
American wouldn't wear the clothes
the King appears in on state occasions
for twenty dollars week. Twenty
dollars a month is small salary for q
King, but it may be that he is fire.
quently presented with few shares oil
Pan-Electric stock in exchange for his
influence -Norristown Herald.
-Jobson-"Hang portieres. say!"
Dobson-''Correct. They generally
are hung. But why do you dislike
them?' Jobson-.Well, a few years
ago. when man was angry, he could
bang the doors, and SO relieve his
feelings Now, we'll, you can't bang q
portiere. There seems to be really
nothing left to do bat keep cat and
tramp on it."
Guest attempting to carve)-
What kind of chicken is this, any.
how?" Waiter Oats genuine
Plymouth Rocker. sah.' Guest Throw.
ing up both bands) THAT explains
it, by George! knew she was an old
timer, but / had no idea she dated
back there Take 'er away. draw
The line on the hen-house OF the May.
flower. Texas Siftings
-''Mabel," said Henry. and in spite
Of his efforts to control himself the
voice was tremulous, and he spoke
with the air OF timid desperation which
marks the elOcution of man about te
ask for the loan of five pounds
mabel, do not knee. at your feet"
land he wasn't-he was sitting boil,
upright on a sofa) ITO plead for my
,elf. come here only to beg you te
think of my brother George. He-he
Ioves you dearly, Mabel, and should
sou refuse his plea / tremble for thu
consequences. He is alone in the
world and he wants = sister-in-law
Oh, will you not be one TO him?"-
London Tid-Rita.