Sacramento daily record-union., 1889-06-09
SAID IN FUN.

Robinson-'T must take YOU in to see
my friend, the editor of the Times He's
a great man, but the most atfable, con-
descending person you ever met" (Later)
-'Is Mr.. Mightypen, the editor-in-chief
in" Editorial FactOtum-"Ye es, sir; but
he's too stuck up to see anybody. A
quart-bottle OF mucilage fell on his head
about three minutes ago o.'-BwiiRgton Free
Press
Mr.. Slimpurse-"Ah Good evening,
Dick. Is your sister in?" Little Dick
"Guesso." 81 say, Dick, here's a nickel to
get some candy. l notice that big dog of
your fathers is united. He's pretty cross,
isn't he?" awful. Pa always ties him
up when Mr.. Fatpurse is in town; but Mr..
Fatpurse is away now, and the dog is loose
for exercise. ."-Nelo York Weekly.
First Tramp-"S "S'pose you heard that
Steadywalker died horrible death 1t
was a sad, sad case" Second Tramp
" You don't say 81! ! What was the trou-
ble?" First Tramp" Well, you see, we
had had a hard season. Nothing to eat,
and the fruit all killed by the early frosts.
At this sad time he got letter from the
East announcing the death of his brother
from over-eating. He never smiled again"
-Phaadeiphia Record.
Actor lin country town)-"I hope you
won't object to announcing in your paper
that this will probably be the last chance
to see me outside of the great cities, as /
have received an offer from the Gotham
Theater for next season, at $500 week"
Editor-"Fll print it with pleasure. And,
by the way, please announce from the
stage that now is the time to subscribe for
the Pumpkinville Trumpet, as l have re-
ceived an offer of $4,000 a week to run
the London IImeS"-N Y. Weekly.
"Mrs. Brown, guarantee that piece of
goods to wash without shrinking" "Oh,
you's -tongued 'nuff'. DENIS jes de
words yo' used when / bide dat calico
Idee's dress is made on, an now look at it,
shrunk up mos to her knees, when it nigh
teched her heels when | made it" "Why,
really, don't remember ever selling you
such goods. Do you remember when you
bought them ?'' Lemme see-tink it was
bout fo' yeas 'go"-Huper's Ba=ar.
She had called upon real estate man
to see if he had house to suit her, and
had gone over the list and found fault with
everything. A little out of patience he
finally asked "What kind of a house do
YOU want, anyhowW at isn't the house
so much as the neighborhood,' she replied,
al want location where the neighbors
will be neighborly. If want to give a
party and want to borrow piano, sofa, a
few chairs, three or four pictures and some
statuary, | want to feel that my neighbors
will lend me with cheerfulness."
An old man was arrested on Champlain
street the other day for kicking up dis
turbance, and on the way to the station he
said to the officer ~ don't want to be
locked up, and I'll give you ten cents to
let me GO" "No, sIr-no. sir" "Pll make
it twenty" "No, sir p' "Say twenty-five"
"No, sir-not for fifty" 'What! Fifty
cents Say, this must be mighty serious
matter, old fellow. Bet you three to one
you think you have got the fellow who
stole Charlie Ross P'-Dstroit Free Press.
A solid and eminent citizen had risen
from fall in front of the soldiers monu-
ment yesterday, when he was accosted by
stranger, who said: "What coinci-
Sience fell on the same spot yesterday"
You did, eh ?" Z" / did. And as arose a
strange man addressed me Just as l have
you" THAT is curious. What did the
strange man say z! Asked me for
quarter to buy him a breakfast, Just
as I am now about to ask you. Isn't
it odd?' at certainly is You didn't
give the fellow the quarter, did you% al
i hadn't it, you see" And II haven't
it, you see. Good-day, sir. Life is full of
strange things-very strange" ."-DetrOt
Free Press.
Mandy Spillars, colored lady, swore out
warrant for the arrest of Zeb Snow.
"What did this man do?" the Justice of
the Peace asked. He suited me, sab !;
dats what he DONE" How-what did
he say ?" Didn't say nuthin'.' How,
then, did he insult your" "W'y, sab, he
come along whar l wuz sweepin' de yard
an grabbed me an kissed me, he die" "
Z" Did you make any outcry" No, sab"
"Did you try to get away from him y
"Who, me? Look here. Jedge, do you
think good-lookin' men is so plenty deze
days dat Use gwine ter git away from one
when he grab me?' "But if yon were so
willing, how was it an insult?" "How
was it er insult? Wy, sab, he turned me
loose an went cross de yard an kissed er
black imp o er lady dat is ole ernuff ter be
my nanny, sab. OATS how he suited
me."-Arkensaw Trareter.