Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-12-12
MORE AND LESS AMUSING.


SNARE drummer-A bogus travelling
man.
WoMAN's rites-marriage and chris
tening.
TANK plays are popular for divers
reasons.
A BosToN authoress has published
book which she calls my First Loaf
Well bet it's heavy,
Ii YOU are bent on having an income,
it is Incumbent on you to work hard
and disburse sparingly.
LOVE of money may be the root of
evil, but Bobby thinks love of mischief
brings forth the branch.
A TAILOR requires many yards to
cover a man, but a burglar will cover
him with small revolver.
SHE Cat the piano)-How do you en-
Joy this refrain? He-Very much The
more you refrain the better like it. t
THAT electricity was known in early
biblical times is proved by the fact that
Noah made the ark light on Mount
Ararat.
LAURA-I tell you, Emily, I will
never marry man who doesn't love
me! Emiiy-And 1 will never love a
man who doesn't marry me.
IT'S the church bell in the steeple
that to worship calls the people. But
the church belle in the choir is what
we worship when we spy her.
ILLINOIS claims to be the only State
in the Union that is out of debt. This
is healthy condition for State that
is continually and chronically Ill.
"THE popular will, says'a dispatch
from Honolulu, sis strongly in favor Of
annexation to the United States.
Where there's will there's Hawaii.
BRowN-What was the trouble with
the paper you started up in that health
resort? Smith, ran in death col
lumn, and the town trustees ran me
out.
HoUsEKEEPER-Nor you must al
ways sweep behind the doors. New
Servant-Yes'm. I always does. It'll
the 'asiest way of gettin' the durrit ou
of sight.
"Gimme 10 cents wuff O. fiesh-culled
court-plaster, boss" white or black.
, "Look heah, honey, Use a gentleman
oh color, an rs aware oh de fac, bu
dom you go ruhbin' it in"
AMAN of family: PRODIGY hear yol
have been getting married. Tooker-
Yes. Prodley-Whom did you marry
| Tooker-Milly Jones, her mother, he
7 stepfather, and two maiden aunts.
FIRST convict-When my times VI
I shall keep on making shoes. Secon'
convict-And l shall keep on at my oil
( work, too. First convict Breaking
D stones? Second convict--No; laws.
. "YoU are Mr.. Quezeen, the HUSBAND
, of the celebrated lecturer on cookery
= ! are you not?" "Yes sir" replied tn
= detected, hollow-eyed individual; "Tr
the man she tries her new dishes on.
WIFE-I should be ashamed of my
v self if couldn't sit through the pla
without going out. Husband (who ha
v improved every entr'acte I kee
4 thinking I hear the fire alarm, m
n dear.
S CoLLEcToR-Mr. Rankin says b
V can't be bothered to send me to see yo
you every week about that little bill
IS Customer-My compliments to Nj
= Rankin, and tell him every other wee
Y will do just as well.
p Teacher-How many seasons al
o there? Small Boy-(who was mixin
up personal experience with boo
n learning)-Two. Only two? That
all there was this year-the winte
: season and the rainy season.
a Mr.. QUARTERREsT- They say thi
g Mrs. Bloodgood is fearfully particuls
will keep nothing but trained Sc
Il wants in the house. Mrs. Parvenu-
Yes, and I have understood she woul
= wear nothing but trained skirts.
PRETTY SUGGESTION.
They fingered at her fathers door.
The hour was shining bright
ii And to the maiden DER and DER,
The youth had said goodnight.
le But still reluctant to depart
N Her tiny hand he pressed,
While all the love that filled his heart
His ardent looks confessed
AZ At length the maiden blushed and sighed,
rs And said in accents low,
n Il hope dear John, you will not try
To kiss me ere you CO."
W A VICTIM OF THE MISFIT PARLoRS.
20