Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-09
HOSTESS AND GUEST.

HOSTESS AND GUEST. The first duty of the hostess is to make her guests acquainted with each other, writes Jane Allen in the Christian Union. In some circles 1t is considered etiquette not to introduce, but, as young lady justly observed: Ut may be etiquette, but it is not polite etiquette" The very origin of this word etiquette" suga0ts it's limitations It means nothing more than Ia ticket and was at first the wooden tag on a bundle in dlcating it's contents. To-day it represents the mark placed by society on it's approved usages, and may be freely translated by good form" It is, of course, only d mirror which reflects every change of fashion, While pollteness is a substantial and perma- nent expression of good will and kind feeling.
 If we accept it as the dictate of courtesy that ones guests should be introduced it follows that they should be introduced Tn such way as to make it easy to fall into conversation. It IS not necessary that the hostess should present MT. Smith as 'sthe Australian explorer" or Miss Brown as ''the author of that charming poem in the Age" Such an introduction almost neces- sltates personal turn to the conversation, and makes it decidedly awkward for the other person, who may never have heard of the Australian expedition or the poem. In nothing Is the skill of the hostess so clearly shown as in this word with which she shoVeS the boat Of new acquaintance off the social strand. A hint of some topic in which the people introduced are mutually interested, an a0usion to an acquaintance which they hold in common, a mention of some place, book or picture familiar to both, launches them successfully; and the hostess may turn to her other guests with her mind at ease. If she is wise, she will have asked several persons, preferably young girls, to act as assistant hostesses, to share the duties of introducing and entertaining. She Will also have invited several more men than women, in order to have d circulating medium; as a man may without awkward ness be left standing alone, a woman never
 Nothing in the line of party giving is so easy as small evening party. It is often pleasantest when most informal Invite only such guests as come to see you, and do not, as Emerson says, interpose a screen of things between you and them. Have done with apologies! Deficiencies speak for themselves, and their mouths are not to be shut by explanations. Welcome your guest heartily, set before him your best of mate rial and spiritual refreshment, and then cease to be over-anxious as to his enjoy ment.
 Let the rooms be softly, but not dimly, lighted. Lamps, except for odor of kero-
 
 the mllder light. Strew the tables with books and photographs, draw chairs and sofas into easy groups, that four or five guests may talk together without effort. If refreshments are to be passed. have every thing ready in a side room, and strive to time the serving so that it may fill pause, instead of breaking in upon full tide of conversation or music Instruct the servant that all the people in the same CvFnl lD tn hN -n1. tl,n not too warm, light fire, as gathering point. Add to these surroundings the in spirlng presence of genial host and hostess, and what guest could fail to re spond by cheerful readiness to enter into the spirit of festivitys
 Alas there are people who settle back a leaden weight upon their entertainers; people whose eyes are fixed on a hole in the sofa cover while they listen languidly to thelr host; people who appear to regard vivacity as mark of inferior breeding social oysters, who hope, by never opening their shells, to deceive the world into the belief that they hold pearl. All these are as common as they are depressing The ideal guest is much more rare than the ideal hostess. The role involves the power to play second fiddle gracefully, to take time from the first violin, and aim simply to aid the general effect. Witk no personal intCIcSo III party u success, to throw ones vital energies into the breech is stretch of altruism as rare as admir- able.
 Much of the explanation of the lethargy of guests lies in that phrase; '.The expend- iture of vital energy" We, as race are too tired for social enjoyment. An editor who was invited to a literary gathering to listen to paper, responded, with more vigor than civihty: "Good gracious. would you ask a man who had been felling trees all day for living to come to a wood chop ping party in the evening for fun.''
 The task of making society sociable may well stagger a hostess if it involves first regulating the business day of the guest. But that leisure class does not solve the problem is sufficiently attested by Byron's description of
 Society, one vast and polished horde, Formed of two mighty tribes, the bores and
 bored.'
 This is the verdict of one who had tried all the luxury and elaboration that could be devised by class which made society a chief pursuit Suppose, then. we begin at the other end and try what help may lie in simplication, and the adaptation of society to the requirements of busiEess men and busy women; in adopting social code wherein the only thing demanded of the hosts shall be spirit. of hospitality, and the only requisition of tSe guests readiness to be entertained and desire to contribute something to the hilarity of the occasion.
 The Doctors Mistake.