Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

and grandeur OF Mayor
HeWitts Office. sur
rounded by the Mayor himself and sup
ported by the janitOr Of the building, mes
senger boys in full panOply, heads OF de-
partmentS, letter heads, cOrned heads, and
bill heads. AS the happy couple left their
hOrse-car, driven by an eminent saVant IN
a rubber oVercOat, and moved proudly
across City Hail Park, they were preceded
by a beautiful woman 63 years OF age, and
wearing a black and tan breakfast shawl,
who scattered flowers to the masses at i've
cents q bunch. 1t was a solemn and i'm
pressive sight. Men standing on the steps
Of the Court House near by, waiting to be
summoned as jurors for the ensuing term,
meantime trying to forget what intOrma
ton they had ever acquired, so that their
minds would be thoroughly fitted for the
arduOuS duties Of jurors looked up in a
vacant way.
Mayor Hewitt looked out the window and
saw them coming. Hastily upendlng his
cuffs and rufhtng his hair, so as to have a
distinguished and disheYeled appearance,
he instructed the official organ OF the city
to play the wedding march.
There was a low, gurg1ng knock on the
door. and, when Mayor Hewitt opened it,
there stood the Duke. MOtiOning the Mayor
out into the hall, Marlborough took him
around behind the WOOd-bOX, where they
could be entirely alone. Then he whispered
to Mayor Hewitt; ABE, are you busy?"
Duke?"
Il wanted to get married if you've got
time to attend to it. How soon could you
wait on us?'
90. I can do it now. I guess. was writ
ing piece for the paper, but can put that
of. Come in and take off your things till
have time to prepare a little imprOmptu
thought or two, and send out for d package
of cardamon seeds. I hate to kiss a
Duchess, as general thing, unless my
breath is as sweet as a violet.
By this time the wedding party had en-
tered and now stood about the Office read
ing the acts Of the Legislature, or VainIy
soaking T6TOHUn n
dOws.
rs Duke all the front name you've got?"
asked the Mayor, as he began to. write in
red account book and regard him closely
with a keen, searching glance.
Marlborough said it was not, and went on
to state at some length what his full name
this is simply a short, hasty article for the
paper. 1t is not city directory.
We'll, then, If you are ready" said the
Mayor, briskly wiping his pen with the tail
Of his linen coat, you can stand up over
there by the register and take hold Of
hands"
Which side do you want me on?" says
the Duke, trying to look cool.
20, cry side. 1t don't make any odds to
me-" says the Mayor. Il don't know what
the practice is among a passle Of Dukes,
but as regards the statutes it don't make
any difference. Here in America we don't
care much for frills. We care little here
for what the world calls pOmp. We scOrn
the little forms and funny business OF a
false and swelled up but tOttering dynasty.
II you're ready now say when, and III show
you a style of splice that 1 can recommend"
Then, as the Duke pulled his stop watch
and gave the word, the NJ ayOC ate another
cardamOn seed and, reading a selection
from the Mail and Express instead of op m
ing the exercises by means OF a kit Of bur-
glars tools, proceeded to draw out the
Duke as to his Intentions for the future, and
to quiz him a little as to whether he would
love and cherish, support, maintain, foster,
and encourage his wife, provided he had
one, and whether he would be willing to
divide her private fortune with her in case
she needed money. Getting the Dukes
views on this subject he chaJted with the
bride in an Otf=hand way, meantime trans
acting the other business, ever and anon, as
people came In from time to time to SEQ him
about opening up a new street or getting
out license for exhibiting a tame bear in a
quiet little town.
All being satisfactorily answered, the
Mayor said: Il now desire briefly to pro-
nOunce you man and wife, and WhatI have
joined together as Mayor Of New York it
Will bother plain citizen to put assume der. I
cannot refrain at this time from making a
few remarks which have thought up while
standing here. 1t is these: The duties of a
Duke and those Of q Duchess are almost
entirely different, as L understand it. AS
Duke, it viii be your duty to receive and ac-
count Tor all such moneys as may come
into your hands, paying them out only on
an order from the Worthy Chief. You viii
be required to do the chores or see tn at
they are done by others, see that sufficient
coal is laid in during the month Of August,
while it is cheap, to keep the castle hot till
spring; also to keep the taxes on your
dukeGOm paid up and not allow the same
to become delinquent. You will eject the
cat at halt-past each night, lock
the front window carefully, and wind
the clock. 1t viii also be your duty
to love your wife all the time, no matter
what the customs OF eminent people may be.
Do not think because you are a Duke that
you can come over here and corral a trust
ing American girl, lead her away to your
large stone smOkehOUse, put up a light
board fence around your premises and neg
lect her. If you do that I viii correspond
with you, and thus make your life q perfect
hell. Try and live down the disagreeable
reports 1 hear about you Marlborough.
Come home to your meals. Allow your wife
to see all your mail Read the marriages
Jtld deaths to her from the morning papers
ASk her advice in matters Of business, and
then do as you like. That's the way I do.
1t pleases your wife and does not hurt your
business. Be a good husband, even if you
have to neglect your duties as q, Duke, and
good luck to you.
TO you, Duchess. [ need say but little
You can reason with a man and possibly
Improve him in that way, but WOman's
great success or failure rests in her own
heart That's why need not talk to you
at length. For awhile it will seem odd when
you viii get up from day to day and fiLd
yourself a Duchess. but you viii get used to
it at last just as aman gets used to d wooden
Leg until at last 1t seems entirely natural to
him. And now, Duchess, adieu, and God
bless you. So long. or bon jour, as we say
n dear old France"
And now said the Duke. as he picked
up his umbrella and felt apprehensiVely in
his vest, Mr.. Hewitt hcwmuch are you out
on this?"
~Oh. any time viii do for that" said the
Mayor, and If you don't pay it at all. that
viii be all right, I guess"
We'll, then, if you don't want to take
anything for If, am much obliged, any
how. and if I can do you favor any time
just press the button and youu get Wait
ed on"
1t was not long till the eminent but i'm
moral Duke returned to his estates. No
body welcomed him. He got on at the sta
ton and had to carry his VaIise and hat box
up to the castle. There all was hushed and
the Duke had to crawl in at the front win