The Hawaiian gazette., 1889-09-17
VARIETY.
a little nonsense now and then
Is relished by the wisest men.
-HuhibraS

Is relished by the wisest men.
i Hubibras.
When a man snores in his sleep, is
the sound vocal or instrumental?
Motto for a young man starting a
moustache: Down IN front"
Inquirer: "What is the extreme
penalty of bigamy?" Two mothers
in-law.
When the button comes off the
back of a mans shirt his choler
begins to rise.
There can never be any objection
to a cigar manufacturer putting his
own goods.
The Office that is seeking the man
can't find him, owing to the scramb-
ling crowd of office-seekers.
4 New York lawyer agreed to tel
the truth for four years if Harrison
was elected. He's been obliged to
give ap his law practice.
a smile is generally supposed to
be a species of composition, but it is
more Of a paradox. You knock
one Of its eyes out to make it smile.
Tubbs: i fatter myself that
honesty Is printed on my face"
Grubbs: "Well-er-yes perhaps
with some allowance for typo
graphical errors"
Little Nellie was reading a lesson
about ice to her grandmother, who
asked: DO you know what ice is,
Nellie?" Yes, grandmamma, it's
water fast asleep"
Father" said Willie, who had
Just been corrected, that strap is
hereditary, isn't it?" Il don't know
that it Is" But it descends from
father to son, doesn't it?"
The multiplication of 9S7,654, 321
by 45 gives 44,444,444, AS. Rever,
ing the order and multiplying 1913
456, 7S9 by 40 a result equally odd is
obtained ,555, 555,505.
Bashful Young Man: "Ahem-
Sally-ahem" Sally (encourag-
ingly): well, George? "B. Y. NJ:
sally, do you s'pose your ma would
be willin' to be my mother -in-law?"
The man whose motto was take
care of No. 1" was awfully per-
picked when he was made the father
of twins. He was obliged to take as
much care of No. 2 as he did of
No. l.
Gentlemen" said the candidate
for Office, as he squirted stream of
tobacco juice on the pavement be-
low, my character is spotless."
Then it's pity" said some one
in the crowd, that you can't wear it
for shirt"
$50 you enjoyed your visit to the
menagerie, did you?" inquired a
young man of his adored ones little
sister. "Oh, yes. And do you know
we saw a camel there that screwed
Its mouth and eyes around awfully,
and sister said it looked exactly as
you do when you are reciting poetry
at evening parties"
Blinks: Hold on! What's your
hurrya" Jinks: Nearly driven to
death Half bushel of letters to
answer this morning and no one to
help do it." What has become of
that pretty girl typewriter you had!"
''She's no use any more; she went
and got married You don't say
so. Whom did she marry?" "Me."
Agent with mouse-trap): Good
morning, madam. Allow me to show
you our patent, non-corrosive, cop
per-riveted mouse traps, warranted
to- Lady: I'm very sorry, sir,
but we haven't a mouse about the
premises" Agent: ''Yes, but our
firm offers to furnish a dozen mice
with each trap as special induce
ment. We guarantee satisfaction,
madam"
"Adolphus, dye know that I'm
little vexed at Miss Simmins?r
'What happened, Arthur, old boy?"
SWELL, you know l pride myself on
my singing. We were at the piano.
I'll sing one more song and then go
home I said" WAS it late?"
about midnight" "And what did
she say?" "She said, Cant you go
home frstT" Sand did you?" Eyes,
Adolphus. l tell you I'm little
vexed about it."
mo, sir, said barber to SUSPECT
ous-looking customer. 81 used to
give credit, but never do now. In
fact, nobody asks for it" 'How's
that?" well, you see, l had a set
of customers who used to ask me to
chalk it down. 1 got tired of keep
ing books, and adopted new sys-
tenn. Whenever 1 shaved one of |
these old standbies, 1 put a little |
nick in his nose with my razor, and |
kept tally in that way They didn't
want to run bills after that" There
was tremor in the customers voice
as he asked from beneath the lather,
'tDo you object to being paid in ad-
Fance7" l