Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-01-02
THE ARIZONA KICKER.

OAA NNk 0bt Anu tlO DCW year ius
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some Fine Specimens of Unadu1terated
Fontier Journalism.
Our CIRCULATION. are news!
papers which do more blowing about
their circulation than we do, and there
may be a few who add more subscribers
In single week, but the Kicker gets
there just the same. We began on q
circulation of two (2) copies, one Of
which we carried about in our own
pocket, and the other went as a dead
head to the postmaster. We now work
1913 copies which are paid for in ad-
vance. This is an increase of "a per
cent. in seven months, and we've got a
dollar which says no other newspaper
in the world can equal it. We don't
claim that the Kicker makes Kings and
Emperors tremble on their thrones, Or
that it has bettered the moral standing
of the American masses thousand
per cent. but we do know that we have
made life worth the living for good
many people out this way who were
ready to hang themselves when our
first number was issued, and that every
new subscriber who comes has faith
that we will make better man of him.
OUR EXCUSE. We have been severe
tend the funeral of old Pete Shiny,
who died On the street of too much
whisky one night last week. It is
claimed that Old Pete was our creditor
in the sum of twelve dollars, and that
it was shabby in us not to see him
planted. In the first place Old Pete
owed us two dollars borrowed money,
instead of our owing him. In the next
our Sunday pantaloons needed a patch
about four feet square at the end oppo-
site the bow, and we did not care to
subject ourselves to ridicule for the
sake of showing off. We can keep our
back behind US in our own Office until
better times arrive, and that's what we
are trying to do. We have sent to San
francisco for patch the color of our
pantaloons, and when it arrives and is
welded on to the spot, Richard will be
himself again, and ready to rustic at
funerals Or address a public meeting
on the topics of the day.
MUST TAKE THEIR CHANCES. Three
times during the past month we. have
surprised oursef and the public by
mopping the floor with assailants,
while OF two occasions we have igno-
miniously took to fight We state it
as a physiological fact that there are
times when we had as lief fight dozen
men, and other times when we'd run
from a good-sized boy. Parties plan
ming to lick us must be prepared to
take their chances. We may fight like
lion or run like jack-rabbit.
THE COLONEL HAS GoNE.-Tony So
ciety pretended to be all upset last
week because Colonel Declare was
arrested for horse thief and taken to
Nebraska to stand trial It was only a
pretense. We have known for months
past that the Colonel was a beat and
an impostor, and many others have
known it. He sent us an order for
new hat as soon as he arrived here,
and thus put us under obligations not
to give him away. The hat grew old
and rusty after a time, and as the
Colonel didn't come in with cash
subscription we felt that we had given
him rope enough. We just dropped a
hint to the sheriff of Henry County,
and week later the Colonel had the
irons on. We are alone every evening
after six. We can't be bribed, but there
are parties in this town who had best
come in and subscribe for copies to
send to friends. Our terms are So per
year strictly in advance.
..NoT ON HIM-There are no flies on
j. M. P. Brayton, Esq, who owns that
beautiful ranch commonly known as
Jackass Dell. He entered our Office
the other day and left a peck of pota-
toes of his own raising. His wife is
one of the handsomest women in the
West, his daughter the finest singer
and musician, and the gentlemen him
self ought to be President of the United
States. 1t is to such go-ahead, enter
prising men as Mr. Brayton that Ari-
zona is indebted for her prosperity.
We call attention to the two-column
ad. which we have inserted free, of tha
fact that Jackass Dell is for sale at
$40 an acre. It's worth five times that.
1t is not for us to suggest that other
farmers bring us in potatoes, butter.
carrots or apples. Such as do will find
us ready and willing to give them from
one-half column to three columns of
notice in return, and in our most cheer
full vein. Detroit Free Press.
-COncuSslon of the brain is scienta-
fcally defined as ''being, in a physio-
1oo u