Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1889-08-29
"OoNTs" FOR BRITIsHERs.
Hints for the Guidance of John Bull When
He Condesoends to Visit Us.

Don't start in by grumbling at every
little thing that does not accord with
your notions of what it should be like.
Don't pay more attention than youcla
help to telegraph poles, ash barrels,
dirty streets, and other signs of bar
barism. There are other things bet
ter worth seeing. We have been in
a bit of a hurry for the last hundred
years and have not had time to get
everything in apple pie order. Don't
cucumber Yourself with bath tub in
your travels. Every house here has a
bathroom with hot and cold water
attachments. OF course the portable
tub is more exclusive, but it is an awk-
ward thing to lug around with you.
Don't devote too much time to
,sampling your mixed drinks. The
compliment will be appreciated, but
the ultimate result may be disastrous
to your purse, person, and dignity
for the ''bouncer' has nomore respect
for an obslreperous Britisher than he
has for an inebriated native. Better
stick to 'harf'n harf. Don't COM
plain because YOU don't find any ruins
on the banks of the Hudson, Ameri-
cans are not likely to find time to eul-
tiyatc them for some centuries. If,
meanwhile, the demand ever justl-
iies it choice assortments will be inn
ported for the qualification of foreign
tourists Dou'l tell everybody that
life here can be worth living because
we have no Westminster Abbey.
Niagara Falls was built by pretty
good architect, and as a spectacle 1t
pans out pretty well. Americans have
foolish notion that it is better to see
to it that the living get three good
square meals a day than to build state
~ monuments to the dead. 1t Is n
weak prejudice, but it exists and you
can't sweep it away.
Don't feel hurt if porters and SER
wants and such folk don't touch their
hats to YOU when YOU give them or
ders. They don't mean to be disre-
spectful. gu can buy ciyility, but
not scrylity here. This is country
whore everybody hopes to rise some
day. Don't imagine that you can't DO
exclusive on your travels. Ii it is es-
seutial to your happiness that you
should not mingle with the vulgar
herd you can have Il whole railroad
car to yourself. provided you pay for
it. Don't make the mistake of sup
posing that because you are an En-
lishman there will be any general rec
OguitiOu Of your superiority to all who
have the misfortune to belong to other
nationalities. Such ought to be the
case, of course, but have patience,
there are lots Of things that we have
not yet learned.
Don't, therefore, be deceived be-
cause YOU may meet some young men
who try hard to say "Don-cher-know
just like you do, and stare uard at
people through an eyeglass and wear
London made clothing. They are
simply idiots who are allowed to be at
large because they occasionally give
us something TO laugh at. Don't
imagine, either, that the girls you
meet are all in love with you because
they converse freely with YOU and
don't appear shy aud bashful. IL Is
simply their crude way of making
themselves agreeable. They'll know
better some day. Please don stare
at them. Il may be a sign of aristo-
cratic breeding at home. but it is con-
sidered vulgar here.
Don't criticise things more than you
can help If you desire to make your
self agreeable. OF course there is only
one right way IF doing anything. and
that is the English way, but Ameri-
cans have not Set found it out. Doubt
less they viii some day Meanwhile
it will add 20 your popularity during
your sojourn here if you do moi insist