davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
AN UNpERTAKER's CHAT.
The Funny Side of an Otherwise Uncanny
and Lugubrious Calling.

The Funny Side OF an otherwise Uncanny
and Lugubrious Calling.
There is humorous side even to
so solemn calling as ours" said a
city undertaken. people rarely think
of this phase of our works The popu-
lar notion was, and to a large extent
is, that our calling has something I'M
canny and grewsome about it. In a
certain sense it has, but still it is re-
'plete with funny incidents and you
will find few undertakers who have
been long in the business who could
not relate queer experiences.
ITO begin with, we are constantly
reminded in one way or another that
we thrive ON other peoples misfor-
tunes. As matter of fact epidemics
are a bane to US, for, while they mean
busy times, they also mean more than
the usual percentage of bad accounts
But still it is hard to rid certain
class of people of the notion that we
weigh the probabilities of mortality,
watch the weather representations,
keep track of physicians visits, are in
league, or at least in sympathy, with
quack doctors, bad plumbers and other
public ,nuisances, and that we are OPP
posed to improvements conducive to
public welfare. If scarlet fever, diph-
iberia, typhoid fever or any other con-
tagious disease breaks out you will
hear people talking of the under
takers quickened interest just as
surely as you will hear plumbers
mentioned in connection with severe
weather. We really do hold an anon
alous sort of position, but we do not
as have oft en- heard intimated-k keep
list of the aged and consumptive,
nor do contagious quicken our bust
ness instincts.
Sand right here let me point out the
popular fallacy. tits generally thought
that contagious diseases are more
prevalent and more fatal among the
poor than among those who have COM
forts and good sanitary surroundings
A. long business career in undertaking
has convinced me that this is mis-
take. The poor are more liable to
such diseases only in the ratio of their
larger families.
Then common idea that be-
reavement is time when peculiarities
and hobbies are laid aside is wrong.
Personaf'wh ims and idiosyncrasies min
gle in the strangest way with tender
expressions OF love and sorrow. Consid-
CREATIONS of style, too, enter the minds
of large percentage of mourners.
One thing is done on the basis of what
people will think. another on the basis
OF what the deceased would have
liked, and so son. Few undertakers.
think, would be so callous as to make
light of any expression or request
that is the. outcome of genuine feeling,
but nobody is more quick than we to
detect the genuine from the forced or
slammed When we are supposed to
pleasantly inquire after peoples
health with an Interior purpose in
mind, i don't know why we shouldn't
have little merriment over the hui
morous features OF grave work.
$50 far as peoples follies and defer
-enceS-t to fashion is eencerneds ssit is IA
good thing for the undertaken that
they exist. The profits Of our bust
ness would be sadly interfered with u
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
BULLYING THE WORLD.

why shrewd Men VIII Never Seek ! omar
s-ssserei With Society y. -
Don't try to bully the world. 1t
doesn't pay. Whoeverenters the ring
Tor q rough and tumble fight with Pub
lie Opinion, is pretty sure, eventually,
to be doubled up" Society is a
briareus, and who but madman
would think OF encountering. with a
single pair OF fists, hundred-armed
fellow! Better shake the multitudinous
hands OF the giant good-naturedly,
than unnecessarily provoke him TO
wrath.
Desp1se the world, II it so please you
though to do SO is proof OF AFRO
gance, conceit and egotism-but, as
you have to live IN the world. to lean on
the world. and can not get along teith-
ont the world, 1t Is Just as we'll to treat
1t civilly Shrewd men, who under
stand their race. never seek a quarrel
with Society They understand that.
1T Is possible for an individual to pur-
suado. lead and quietly control com
munity. but not to fight itdown. II
yea desire to reform social evils or
to disabuse your feilow-men OF their
preJud1ces, the surest way got to sue
coed Is to resort to denunciation and
abuse. Kindness, Cancellation. the in
huence oil good example-these are the
true and effective means and -appli.
anees OF reform.
Provoke the world, set its will in
arms against you. and you can never
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
FACTS AsouTcogaHs.
Information Which Will Il
New to M ost Readers

Important Information Which Will he
New to Most Readers,
Nature has provided for various
spasmodic efforts of an expulsive
character, to rid organs OF irritant
matter. The circuitous route to the
lungs through the nasal passages, is
always, in health, kept moist, to ar
rest dust and prevent its entrance into
the lungs. To guardagainst its accu-
mutation, the sneezing function is sup
piled, ACCOMPANIED by copious over
flow of serum to sweep away the irri-
tating matter.
The reflex action of the stomach,
when irritateds by offensive food or
poison, is~ofthe same character. The
cough is equally beneficial in its pro-
vision. Its principal object is the ex-
pulsion of irritating matter from the
lungs. or air-tubes. The muscles OF
the CLOTHS, chest and abdomen COM
bine in the spasmodic act. Sensibility
to irritating dust is confined to few
points Of the nasal membrane So the
sensibility which gives rise to cough
is limited mainly to the larynx and
bronchial tubes. being strongest in the
larynx. and next in the upper portion
of the bronchial tubes. As in sneez-
Ing, the overflow OF serum aids in the
expulsion Of the irritant, $50 a CORES
ponding increase of mucous co-acts
with the expulsive power Of the
cough.
There are many kinds of coughs.
Through the network OF the sympa-
,thetic nervous system, disturbances at
remote points may affect the nerves
concerned in coughing. DR.. w. H.
Thompson, in a paper read before the
New York Medical Society, enumerates
a list OF over dozen kinds of nom
expectorant coughs, each characterized
by a peculiar sound.
An expectorant cough generally con-
.sists ofanumber of ssiveeoaghs,
the sounds Of which are like that OF a
chain passing over a pulley; the non
expectorant resembles rather the sep
arate sounds of a hammer.
One variety Of non-expectorant cough
is due to simple irritation, without
secretion, Of some part of the respira-
tory tract, as in some forms OF bronchi-
tbs; another to inflammatory irritation
of the pharynx third to irritation
of the membrane which surrounds the
lungs and lines the chest. Another is
malarial cough. sometimes mistaken
for whooping-cough. and durable by
quinine.
cough may also be the result OF
disorder OF many other internal organz
the stomach, the liver, the brain, and
even the ear.
From these facts it will be seen how
unwise it is, in case Of cough, to re-
sort blindly to the druggist for some
patent cough mixture. which may not
be Of the slightest use in curing the
particular disorder. il. indeed, L. is
good for use in any disease. X outh's
Csmpanion.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
FROM The ANTIPopEs.


<1stexior AustraIis by No Means an Unpru-.
y ductIvc Desert.
The Australian desert which was
once supposed to cover the larger part
of the interior OF that continent Is
going the way OF all the other deserts
# tlheStesf
list rs e@earfi e
plorers OF the African coasts filed all
the regions that had not been visited
with uninhabitable wastes, SO great
part OF the inner Australia has been
represented as utterly valueless to
man. The faith in this illimitable
desert was somewhat shaken in 1872,
when Giles found Amadeus Lake, two
hundred miles long, at its geographical
center; and the few explorers who
have since visited inner Australia
have whitfield off great sections of the
desert and3 put forests and streams
where only sand was supposed to be.
Sir Samuel Davenport, in an address
at Adelaide a short time ago, said that
the recent travels Of Messrs. Lindsay
and Tietlsens had proven that timer inner
Australia was by no means Saharan
waste, and, though now uninhabited,
it was capable of supporting large
popuIatian. They foundsnot only wide
regions covered with luxuriant grass,
but also mineral deposits that are GER
tain to attract attention. Almost in
the geographical center of the conti--
neat Tietkens found several large
rivers whose head waters were on the
northern slope of mountain ranges.
The rivers flowed north, and us far as
he traced. them he found great deal
Of large and valuable timber along
their banks.
Lindsay's investigation betw cen IS
degrees and "a south latitude resulted.
in some surprising discoveries In the
Mcdonnell range of mountains he
fouEd garnets and rubies and abundant
indications that mining in this region,
for precious stones will be highly
profitable. On Tenants creek he
found collaborating quartz in abund--
ance, and he brought home stories of
almost boundless pasture lands, of
water in abundance, and Of deep, blue
lakes, one of which, some 800 miles
North Of Amadeus Lake, is OF large
and assyet unknown extent. His ex-
plorations covered region, extending
several hundred miles north and south;
and both east and west of his route
stretches a asst and wholly unknown
region that gives promise of being
l1.rt -
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25

An exchange asked If waltzing is
wicked. Some waltzing is. SsWhen a
man steps on his partners dainty little
feet every other second, does not keep
time with the music, attempts to hop
while his partner glides. digs his hand
into the middle OF her back, involves
his extremities in such maze OF con-
fusion that he can t tell his right foot
from his left, bumps his kneel into
his companion, and collides with every
couple that comes near him, it must
be admitted that waltzing is wicked.
How fortunateit is for some men that
they are not born quadrupeds. II
they have SO much difficulty managing
two legs. how much more fearful and
wonderful would their dancing, be
with four legs to absorb their attention.
Waterbury Republican.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
"A LITTLE NONSENSE"

Whenever they have q fight IN
the French Senate. the true huinorist
is impelled to speak Of II as an uproar
-bouffe. -~Harper's Bazaar.
"A Chicago man claims to be living
on eight cents week. Nothing is
said OF the father-in-law he Is probably
living on Also. Buffalo Express.
"A fellow in Chester. Pa, has
found out why q dog sometimes turns
around three times before he lies
down for snooze. The reason Is: A
dog Thinks that one good turn deserves
another.
-Leadpipe (meditatively) s.Yesl
was wild one when was boy.
My fondest dream as a youngster was
to grow up and become ared-handed
pirate" Householder (sighing)
sBut you didn't, did youPn Lead
pipe (placidly) mo; ! became .
plumber. Lowell Citizen.
London barber to American tourist
There's quantity Of dust in the
hair, sir" American tourist The
- You don't say! Well. give me
good shampoo" L. B-s.Iio! don't
mean in the air OF the cad, ] mean in
the hair Of the hatmesphere. ~ H.
World.
Lie l.. Time eleven q m. Mother
Nov mind, Johnnie, there's ghost
in. that dark closet guarding the jaml''
Johnnie trcmbles violently and COM
yfaeices To MAter at the mouth Lie IL
Time two p. m. johnnie 20, mann
MAJ. The ghost has eaten half Of the
jamT-Lies. :.
Hostess -.And so you really Boz
lieve the moon to be inhabited, Pro
fessor7n Professor Euizmachen-s'A Al,
veil. do not say zat. but zereI il vun|
moon in vich zero mus, be vun man. n
Hostess ssAnd which might that be-
prayp. IVY ze-vat you cali If 80
honeymoon!''
why are people who are sup
posed to bring bad luck called
Jonahs' p asked Squildig. Because,
like Jonah Of old, they bring disaster
10 their associates, !" replied McSwilli~
gen. THE resemblance is not periect
why notpn Jonah was . prophet,
but the modern Jonah - l0ss. "--.
Pittsburgh Chronicle. 4
Teacher Go historical cIass)
Where did George Washington hive
after he retired from publfo Hzsr No
one seemed 10 know. Tcaoher Wa
uuVt +. = r. -.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
THE FARMERS GARDEN.


What . weli-Known Agricultural Edftsr
Has % Say About It.
At the recent farmers institute in
Albany. DR.. Hexamer, an expert
gardener oflong experience. now editor
of the Agriculturist. gave grand talk
srs ss Ets'
some OF his good points, To the mind
Of the average farmers the garslen is a
nuisance, and on NEST farmss this is
true. A small plot inclosed by fence
or wall, too small to do any OF the
work Of cultivation by horsepower.
the only work ever done there Is on
rainy days. when it's too wet to work
in the field. The average value Of all
the field crops in the country is not
much above fifteen dollars per acre.
But who cana begin to estimate the
value Of a good garden where all
variety OF fruits and vegetable are
grown And the home market OF the
family table will take them all at
highest prices To the old chestnut
Of SO many farmers that "the press of
more important work on the farm7
makes It impossible for them to have
good garden. the Doctor replied:
Take an acre ofyour best land, and
devote it to garden purposes; plan the
planting SO that the horse and ocul-
tivators can be made to do most of the
work, and then hire man just to take
care of the garden. Those OF its pro-
duets that are used in the family will
more than pay his wages, any surplus
can be sold and be turnedvto a clear
profit. while fully two-thirds OF the
mans time can be devoted to general
farm work, thus giving extra labor
without cost"
am satisfied tho doctor Is right.
for a friend Of mine having half-acre
city lot bought his fertilizers, hired
the land plowed, and planted thereon
twenty-six dollars worth OF plants and
seeds. He kept an account OF all
money paid out for labor, plants, seeds,
manure. ETC., for five years, and
charged his family at market rates for
all fruits and vegetables consumed
He told me that this half-acre paid
him profit OF $3.50 annually. And
such half-acre should be on every
farm. The family will appreciate it..
and it will help largely to reduce the
butchers and grocers' bills.
Ask the busy, Woodworking farmer
who has very poor garden or none
at all. simply because he has SO much
else to attend to, what he is working
so hard for, and the answer will be,
ITO make a living;;n that is, producing
crops to sell. that he may have cash
to pay his taxes with, keep up ordinary
repairs, and purchase food for self and
tamil hich, Of course. IS and
proper. Yet. when he can be made to
realize that three acres of ordinary
farm crops will have to be grown and
sold to bring money enough to pur-
chase food products equal in value for
his family table to what he can pur-
chase in one half-acre garden, the com
plete garden will find its place on
every farm, even If other things nfast
be neglected. What mistake to grow
and sell crops at wholesale and then
turn around and take the cash and buy
at retail for our family when SO much
can be produced at home.-Hartford
Courant. Z
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
GOLD AND SILVER.
Extracts From the Report of the Diret
OF the Mint for the Year 1883.

Extracts From the Report of the Direct or
Of the Mint for the Year 1883.
The report Of the Director Of the
Mint for 1888 shows that the gold
product of the United States for the
year was 1,644.82 onnces, valued at
S33, u.s. 900, and of silver As, 783, 632
fine ounces OF the. commercial value of
about $43, 100000 and of the coming
value OF $50, 195, 900. In addition some
100000 ounces of silver were ex-
tracted in the United States from for
eign ores and bullion, principally
Mexican. The total refined product Of
the United States was in gold III
.877 fine ounces, and Of silver So, 1884,
698 fine ounces. The average price Of
silver during the year was about "a
cents. At this price the bullion value
Of the. silver contained in the silver
dollar was 1875.
The Government purchased 90, 920,-
1913 standard ounces of silver during
the year, costing $24, 491, $40, at an
average Sprice of "a cents per fine
ounce. The total amount Of silver pur-
chased for the: eoinageszef the silver.
dollar since March rs s, has been
275, 007, 939 standard ounces, costing
1886, 092, 445, an average price Of:
$1.07.5 per fine ounce, or 96.7 per
standard ounce.
Fhe value of the gold deposited at
the mints during the year, not includ-
ing re-deposits, was $41, 1876. 410, or,
including re-deposits, $48, 794, 9S8. The
foreign material comprised in this was
81, 655, 046. The amount of silver de-
posted and purchased was 35,512, 789
of $41 1928, 973, exclusive of re-deposits.
The coinage of the mints during the
year fS5S4was as follows: Gold, $751;
$50, sos; - silver dollar, $31 99e, 1888;
subsidiary silver, s.. O34. 773; minor.
$912,2o1; total. $65,s18,615. In addi-
ton, coinage bars were manufactured
at the minis containing gold of the
value of 1921 $50, 1893, and silver ST.
635, 496
The import of gold bullion and coin
WAS pll,ool,t Jl anu Ino oAportS Fof,-
GIG, 667, a loss by export OF $23, 5S7, 726.
The import of silver was $21, 592, 062
and the export 1929, ,222. loss by
export of $8,3o3, f6e. The metallic
stock OF the United States january l.
1889, including bullion in the minis
awaiting coinage, is estimated to, have
been: Gold. $7o5, 06l 1915; silver. $4O3,-
SIG, 756; total. 81, 1903, $751; ISL.
The stock of coined and paper money
in circulation January l, 1889, was 81
1896, 106. 154, against $1.376. $50, 0O3 on
January 1, 1888, an increase OF $19,-
1851. The director estimates the
consumption of gold and silver in the
United States during the calendar year
1888 to have been, gold, 81. 900. 600;
silver, SIS, 280. 000.-Washington Letter.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25
ON OUR iNTERvlEWERs.


Extracts From MAX O,ReIrs Book ON His
American Impressions.
"Journalism has killed literature.
and reporting Is killing journalism.
It is the last gasp Of the dying Literal
ture Of an epoch; II Is the man OF let
aaRsiaEgs So
exc.aims NJ. Albert Mfliaud. in one of
his witty articles in tho Figaro.
In AmcFfs Il, reporting has simply
overrun, swallowed up journalism. II
is demolition, OF tho wall Of private
life. the substitution Of gossip for
chronicle. of chatter for criticism.
For the interviewer nothing is
sacred. Audacity is his stock in trade;
the most private, details OF our daily
life are Mt his mercy, and unless you
blow his brains out=-which is not law
full in New York State--you haze no
means Of getting rid of him.
Do not believe that you have got
over the difficulty by telling him that
you are not at home. He will return
to the charge ten. twenty times; he
will stand sentinel at your door. sleep
on the mat outside your hotel bed
room, SO as to pounce upon you as soon
as you show your face in the morning.
He is patient, and II any indisposition
should obligc you to keep your room,
he will wait till you are well again.
and will have his meals brought to
him in the corridor. Should you sue
coed In escaping the, hunter, rather
than to return to the newspaper office
empty-handed he will find your wife
and ask her If you snore, whether you
are an early riser, whether you are
more amiable after dinner or before,
what you eat ut breakfast, what is
your favorite color in trousers, and
what size boots you take. He will
ask her when you were married. how
long your honeymoon lasted, If you
have children, and whether they have
cut their teeth. With these materials
he will make column.
There is no question too indiscreet
for these enterprising inquisitors; they
would have interviewed st. Anthony In
his hut.
DO not shout victory, either, be-
cause you have succeeded In getting
rid of the interviewer without replying
to his questions. Il is in such cases
that the American journalist reveals
himself in all his glory. To your
stupefaetion, the newspapers next day
will have an account OF the CONVERSE
tion which you might have had with
their reporters.
II my advice be worth giving. the
best thing you can do when the inter-
viewer presents himself and says, II
am a reporter.= sir, and J. have come to
| ask you for few moments chat. IS TO
say to him:
Glad to see you sir; pray be
seated n.
After all, interviewing is an opera
ton that one survives. and, to be just,
must say that American reporters in
general are very courteous, obliging.
and-whieh is simply astounding when
one considers that they rarely take
ootes-accurat in their accounts OF
interviews.
The courage, TOO, with which the in
tcrviewcr braves rebuffs, and the
philosophy with which he pockets
abuse, are nothing short Of admir-
able. For my part / never could find
a cross word to say to these intraders,
and had my reward in reading In the
papers that it was pleasure to inter-
view me, because / submitted to the
operation with such good grace.
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25

OF the members at the Home but 730 are
married, or have living wives or minor
children. To the credit of those who are
married it can be said that where they re-
ceive pension the bulk of it is sent to
their families. There are exceptional
cases, however, and now and then a
case will be discovered that calls
for an investigation, the Home off,
Gals believing that IL a man is
cared for thus he should contribute what
ever is in his power to the comfort of his
wife and children. A case in question is
that of Charles A. Rink, who was admit
ted to the Home from Muscatine, Iowa.
He was of the most miserly disposition,
refused To send money to his family, and
made himself generally obnoxious. To
cap the climax he received $52S in lump
as back pay. During this time his wife
had written Governor Smith, asking him
to prevail upon her husband to send her
money, as she and her family were in
absolute want. To verify her statements
a letter was sent to Muscatine= asking the
authorities to inquire into Mrs. Kinks
condition, and an answer was returned
stating that she was a deserving woman,
with four children, the eldest being a
cripple, and that for several years
prior to Kinks admission to, the Home
she had supported him in addition to the
family. An orderly was sent for Rink and
the. matter was stated to him, Governor
Smith saying that it was as little as he
could do to forward at least half Of
his money to his suffering wife. This he
agreed to do, but when asked to give the
treasurer of the Home tho authority to
send that amount he refused and said he
would keep it all and leave the Home. He
was informed that if he did so a dishonor-
able discharge awaited him, He still re-
fused, the charges were preferred against
him, and he was dishonorably discharged
The Logan County banner. [volume] (Logan, W. Va.) 1889-1903, 1889-04-25

Saturday Breakfast msst or fish, hash,
bread, butter, coffee; dinner, mutton
stew, bread, coffee; supper, crackers,
cheese, bread, butter. tea, strip.
In their Beason it requires per day
for the. table, 5000 radishes, II. 900
young onions, 80 barrels OF spinach. One
thousand one hundred pounds of
-four arg lffh1fe IN bf u IN IA "