West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-05-16
FUN, PUN, AND JOKE.
A heightened affair-A piccoIo.

HEN IL sailor wants change he
probably goes to the quarterback.
THERE is one thing about diction-
airy that resembles woman. 1t always
has the last word.
The Queen of England always drops
penny royal" in the contribution box
when she goes to church.
QUITE So-Yes, there is no doubt of
it, women are riddles" Just So-But
they are the sort of riddles men aren't
likely to give up.
FIRST shopping fend - Madame.
that's my muff Second SHOPPING
tiend-Whv, how inexcusablv stupid
of me to pick mp an imitation monkey
skin.
THE last words of great men are all
recorded In the books, but the last
words of women, great and small,
have always been too much for the
historians.
If your laugh is loud, il is low. But
if it is low, it isn't loud The English
language is fine structure, bat when
we have to talk straight logic, we gen
orally use Greek ourselves.
Mr.. JASON see one of the Chi
cago dime museums has living half
man on exhibition. Mrs Jason
There's a chance for Won, Jehiel. That
is, if you could prove that you are
alive.
PRETTY GIRLS il the fashion now
to wear long faces? noticed all tho
young men have sad detected look.
Dude (despondently) - The quately
bills fwom the wascally ITALIANS all
coming in.
PoRTER-Two gem'men want TO see
the President Secretary Halford lex
oditor)-Who are they? zone saws
he's a journalist, sab, an tho other
says he's a newspaper man. admit
the newspaper man, and kick the Jour
nalist out"
SPEAKING about journalistic cour-
age" remarked the snake editor II
can namo a paper which has more grit
than any other, and one which YOU
would hardly think of, either" What
paper is thet?" asked the horse editor.
Sand paper"
4 a PENNSYLVANIA man who ran n
needle into his foot had it drawn out
by holding his foot near dynamo.
Happy thought Hold some of our
railroad directors near n great biz
dynamo and sec if il won't draw the
steal ont Of them. Boston BHHettn.
II is said that no woman born mt As
plnval, Panama. ever reached the age
of twcnty-onc years. This is not SC
strange. There are many young
women right here in Minneapolis who
never have and never will reach that
age, If their own statements are TO be
believed minneapolis Tribune
READY for trial Great Doodle law.
yer lin New York "The trial of our
honorable client will begin to-mor.
row" Assistant lastounded) Trial
Couldn't you get the case POSTPONED
any lonRcr?' "No need TO have II fur
ther POSTPONED All the important
witnesses arc dead
MISS MADDOX, of Brevton. Ala
dressed mp as n tramp TO brighten her
mother, and the latter, Selling n shot
gun. emptied It's contents into her
daughter body, iufictinQ serious
wound. The shotgun in the hands Of
. woman plays some quccr pranks.
m the daughter had been n genuine
tramp, Mrs. Maddox shot would have
wounded COW in field fifty yards
distant.
BLEKs who has moved into the
suburbsJ: Here's on idea. The m.
per says ono of the handsomcst resi-.
denccs ON tLs Hudgou has tho flower
beds laid of with old beer bottles.
Mrs. Blink8 ldoubtfullYJ: well at n
distance Tho effect Of the glass Dor.
behring's might be prcttv7 eyes. in
decd lIl order q gross or two from
Swcibocr 81 Co. and when the bottles
arc empty you can have them 81 hti-