The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1889-10-30
THREE WARNINGS.
Startling Results Attending the Free Use
Of Brandy, Whisky and WhalebOne.

A man who travels a good deal, and
who has recently returned from Lon
don, came into q popular down town
resort yesterday, tossed off drink of
whisky made on the block of 1867,
and said as he smacked his lips: All
that's the stuff l haven't had any
Of it since l left Chicago. 1 don't
mean to say'that all Chicago whisky
is good, for 1 know it isn't. When I
went away from here an alleged kind
friend gave me flask of the stuff to
accompany me on my journey. He
said that it was great, but L found
that it was regular peevlsh liquor.
After l had taken two drinks of it L
felt as though l. wanted to lick the
train conductor, but l had head
enough on me to pause right there.
[ gave the flask to the sleeping car por-
ter and an hour later he was lying on
the sofa in the smoking compartment,
singing negro songs and bowling at
the top of his voice. Not single pair
of shoes did he black that night. FL
nally the sleeping-car conductor took
the flask from the porter, and it was
not very long before he wanted to lick
the train conductor. If that flask had
ever reached the engineer, we would
surely have gone off the track. Was
it the whisky? Well, you can Judge
whether it was or not, when l tell you
that it affected the porter so that the
next morning he gave the passengers
in his car a quarter each as they came
out"
II was presented with similar gift
once" said a young theatrical man.
ager who had been listening to the
conversation. Il was about to start
out on the road with a company and
reputed friend of mine handed me
small bottle of what he said was
1914, brandy and prime stuff Well,
l tucked it away in my grip, and never
thought of it until the next morning
Then L felt like a drink, and went
after it. L found to my dismay that
the bottle had been broken and that
its rich contents had thoroughly sat
urated my belongings III the satchel.
In the outfit was a pair of fine ALI
gator slippers, and when | took them
out on reaching my first town found
that the choice liquor had shrunk
that tough alligator skin down so
close to the soles that man could not
insert a toothpick III the slippers, let
alone his foot. Then 1 wondered
what effect that brandy would have
on the lining of mans stomach il it
could shrink alligator skin in that
way. | was glad / did not drink it
under the circumstances"
THAT reminds me of the London
liquor" said the much-traveled young
man, "and," he continued, "the Lon
don liquor reminded me of the way
they kill polar bears in the Arctic
regions. An exploring friend of mine
told me about it. They kill bears for
food, and in the killing they take no
chances. How do they do it? Wen,
it's like this: They procure a stiff and
sharp piece of whalebone and wind it
tightly in roll. Then they thrust
this inside of big chunk of whales
blubber. This mass Is exposed until
it is frozen. Then it is laid out up
on the ice as a sort of bait. The first
polar bear that comes along bolts the
mass at a single gulp. Then, of
course. 1.-The heat of the bears stomach
thaws out the frozen blubber and the
sharp whalebone expands. In straight
ening out it penetrates the sides of
the bear and kills him. He is found
dead on the ice and is skinned and
cut up. Now London whisky is like
that. 1t goes down smoothly, but it
subsequently expands and kills a
man."