The Washington critic., 1889-03-20
MATTER WORTH READING.


A correspondent of the ST. Louis Globe
Democrat eives the following remarkable
account Of the experience Of backwoods
Southcrncr when riding on the cars for the
first time:
But the queerest and funniest incident
Of this Southern trip had almost tragic
termination. The train was just starting,
without ringing bell or blowing whistle,
as is the unique Southern custom, when a
cloud of dust was observed travelling down
the road to the station and from the midst
Of which proceeded prolonged yells. The
train was promptly stopped and an ancient
and rickcty chaise drove up and there
climbed down from II an old man In long
yellow coat and William goat beard.
wore, besides these, a pair Of abbreviated
green trousers, which seemed to shun his
boots and rise to a higher plane, and a
beaver hat OF the vintage Of 1919. lie took
from out Of the chaise bandbox tied with
o string, large carpct-bag, a paper bag
containing an assorted lunch, two live
chickens, tied together by the legs, and
crock OF butter, over the top of which
piece Of muslin was tightly fastened. With
these and an ancient umbrella he boarded
the train with some difficulty and sat down
In seat few feet from the door. The
train rolled away, leaving his companion in
the chaise sitting, open-mouthed, paralyzed
with wonder.
The ancient one, with the wind-tossed
beard, gripped the arm OF his seat as soon
as he felt the trains motion and let out
startled yell that caused the passengers to
turn pale with fear that we had a mad
man on board, and when the conductor ran
| to him he shouted, "The hull darn thing
| is sinking"
| The amiable conductor assured him that
he was perfectly safe, and going into his
| pocket pulled out his punch. The old man
held up his hands in an instant, aud cried,
"Don't shoot, Mister, don't shoot l give
| in!"
| 81 amt goin' to shoot, only want your
| ticket!"
| "What ticketP"
"Your railroad ticket"
"Ain't got none. We uns up our way
don't hev no railroads nor nuthin'."
swell, then pay your money to me-
Where do you want to goP"
"I'm gwine to Staunton, to my grand
sons, Pete Rawlins. Know himY'
| "Nope."
| "Know any of his folks down In Staun-
toni" Just then the whistle blew and the
old man jumped up and tried to get past the
| conductor, who held him down by main
strength The white hair OF the old
''cracker" fairly stood on end and II was
several minutes before he calmed down
| enough to count his change.
At the next station, when the train
stopped, he gathered up his belongings and
made for the door, but was stopped before
he could get off. This attempt he made at
every station, and finally the conductor
went to him, saying: "Look here, old man,
| you jist set still and don't move till you
hear the brakeman holler Staunton, then
you get of! Seer"
He sat there awhile quietly, and then be-
gan to question the rest Of the passengers
as to their acquaintance with Staunton and
it's people.
Thinking ! could derive some entertain
ment from him ! changed my seat to the
| one in front Of his, and, turning around,
] addressed some words to him with an ami
| able and seductive smile.
He looked Mt me moment and solemnly
took his musty leather wallet from his side
pocket and thrust Y deep down into his
boot, saying:
"Now, then, young man, what you want
| to know, ehs'
This action set the entire car full of peo-
pie roaring with laughter and almost
brought blush to my cheek, which sensa-
tion had scarcely gone when the brakeman
opened the door and yelled; "Staunton!"
We were at the moment crossing
trestle, about fifty feet in height,
upon the slanting, heavily wooded side of
a mountain. We could look down
the hillside over the tree tops and
see silvery stream threading It's winding
way through black and dank swamp.
The old settler rose quickly at the sound
Of the brakeman's voice, packed up his
belongings and going to the platform,
stepped right off.
As we passed We got one glimpse Of him
sailing down. Somebody pulled the bell
rope, stopping the train at once, and re-
licfparty was organized, which went down
the mountain side until we came to the
spot where he struck first, tall
hemlock. 1t looked like q gigantic Christ
| mas tree.
| Pendent from its branches were socks,
| collars, handkerchiefs, chewing tobacco,
chickens, rolls Of butter, fancy goods, ham
sandwiches, boots and shoes, notions slIs-
| penders, shoelaces, bandboxes, samples Of
cloth, hardware and gents furnishing
/ thar t,tl tJx.xx f..,.
some patent medicine bottles, the old UNI
brella, the butter crock and the plug hat.
Then We reached the old man, who was up
to his waist In black mud, busily engaged
| In washing the same mud from whisky
| flask which he had somehow managed to
retain I'm his pocket through all his exciting
| flight
He was as cool as a cucumber and when
| we yanked him out Of the mud remarked
"This yere railroad travelling do beat hell
| don't It ?"
| We climbed up the hill, gathering his be-
longings as we proceeded, and wlfsp we
arrived at the train the conductor angrily
inquired, "What in thunder did you mean
by jumping off like thatg'
| "Why, my friend" blandly answered he
OF the goat-like beard and shattered gar
ments, 'you told me yourself to get OFF
when heard the brakeman holler 'Staun-
ton,' and got on"
| They Did the Police.
1t is told in Boston that party of Har-
yard students, anxious to get even with
the Boston police for some undoubtedly
good reason, bought barber's pole, got q
receipt and started through the street, bear
| ing their property. OF course they were
| soon stopped by a policeman. "Hello.