The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1889-09-21

-
st. Peter-"Where are you FROM
Applicant-"Aurora, SIR
81. Peter-"Well, pass in, but 1t isn't
what you've expected"
McSweeney-"Howf for is it to Joliet"
Jones--"Forty miles,
McSweeney-"Let'sm move, on then, there's
better territory further west"
"You snapped the forceps onto his
tongue ~
eyes," said the medical student. at was
in the winter Of 'S7, and my chum and
were actively engaged in the dissecting
room. A colored-cofee colore1-barber
had sccidently showed his foot under the
wheel of down town street car, and It be-
came necessary to amputste his toes. My
chum and agreed to do the job and chose
Thursday evening as the appointed time.
We selected case of instruments and bot
tie Of chloroform from the surgical sppara-
tus and then went down town and filled up
on beer. When we reached the barber shop
it was quite late and we were somewhat
drunk, so to speak"
"Where is hep my chum asked.
"Whars who?"
"Why Pete, Of course
up dem stairs"
and guided by Pickering light in the hand
of the BARRIERS assistant, were finally usher
ed into the bsrberous presence. The barber
was grooming terribly and while nay chum
removed the bandages from the injured foot.
l candy administered chloroform. Then to
keep his tongue from falling back into his
throat snapped my forceps onto it and let
it hang over on his cheek. Every minute or
two would take them off and snap them on
in new place, for fear they would cut
clean through
II SHOULD think that such treatment would
have been sufficient to have awakened an
Egyptian mummy, let alone flesh and
blood negro"
"We,l, he groaned once or twice, bat when
the job was over and the effects Of the chlor,
oform had passed of, he remarked:
What dat cut my tongue all ur? You
boys done gone make g fool outer dis yeah
niggah?'
We told him that such was not the case;
the condition of his tongue was due entire
ly the chloroform, drug which, we assured
him, would cut spikes"
"If the publishers of the FREE TRADER
are urged to this step through any conscious.
ness of recent loss of pestige, it 10 probable
q much cheaper and better remedy would
be the immediate suppression of the funny (?)
man of the office. A years study of the un
abridged dictionary, the primary rules Of
rhetoric and little grammar might qualify
him for police reporter, but he should be re-
strained from generating any more funny
poetry for at least twenty years. -LG Sole
Republican.
Do you know whs. the wild waves are say
ing, Webster? They are sayingin sad and
somewhat constrained voice--a voice full of
pathos and woe, that local newspaper,
drawing whatever patronage it may receive
from the city Of La Sale, should be made up
of the current events of the locality from
which it draws its daily bread. When you
have fulfilled this condition, Webster, you
will stand upen thu top of the pedestal, at
the foot of which you hsve grovelied for the
past twenty yesrs-at the apex rather than
at the base Of the pyramid Of the La Sale
county press.
Until then, take our advice Webster, and
don't criticise. 1t is very bad form in you,
Webster, and does not at the present become
you. One may say, with Byron:
"Hope constancy in wind, or corn in chstf
Believe woman or an epitsph,
Or any other thing that's false, before
You trust in critics who themselves are SORE"