The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-02-23
SURFACE MANNERS.
The Curious Difference Between Seeming
and Real Kindness


and Real Kindness
There is sometimes among the peo-
pie we know a curious difference be-
tween the seeming and the real. Eff
fusive manners, and snowy, gushing
style, often blind us at first to the real
character of the lady behind the veil.
The cordial woman who makes her
guests so welcome, who is SO attractive
socially, is oftentimes the one with
whom no servant can stay, and whose
home is the very hot-bed of contentious
dispute. Her husband breads to
thwart her lest her temper should get
reused to pitch beyond control. Her
children dread, but neither love nor re-
spect her. Outwardly she is usually.
however, quite in the fashion. She
makes many new acquaintance, and is
much sought after for her social quail
ties. She is usually scheming and am
bilious withal, but this is always hid
den behind a mask of seeming social
and philanthropic intent. She is ever
ready in surface sympathy, and will
but never quietly, unostentatiously,
and without letting her right hand
know what her left hand doeth. And
as soon as she becomes sufficiently
familiar with any person, her true ma
ture asserts itself in advice, fault-find-
ing, insolence, interference and gen
eral self-assertiveness. When such
people become really known, they are
dreaded and avoided. If their social
position is such that they can not be
wholly snubbed ard dropped, they are
tolerated for the sake oftheir relatives,
but mover loved and confided in. Those
who know them best love them least,
and praise them most equivOcally.
On the other hand, a really unap-
proachable old bear, ill-mannered.
surly and a decidedly Objectionable
member of society, so far as outward
suavity goes, may oftentimes prove to
have a heart as soft as the lining ofthe
chestnut burr. Many poor will testify
to his kindness and generosity, but his
deeds are wholly done in the dark.
Quiet manners cover deceitful &C
tions, and sometimes the thoughtless
aud needless seemingly are, at heart,
true as steel.
1t is only the experienced readers of
character. those whom q long and init
mate acquaintance with the world have
made wise and wary, who really under
stand this deceitfulness of surface man
ner, or else the rare and gifted few who
intuitively take in character at u glance,
as it were, by instinct. The latter are
not often deceived by an outward SEEM
ing. Others, less gifted, naturally have
to learn by sharp and not always pleas
ant contact with their fellows, that
manners are convenient cloak to be
worn, like charity's, to cover multi
tude of sins and short comings, or yet
to cover real worth from the prying
gaze of the multitude.
In the forming of character, the young
oftentimes have no harder task than
the repression or cultivation of surface
manners. To succeed in life, the petu-
liant, and ambitious, and rampant spirit
must be curbed. A little must be nipped
here and pinched there, until the pro-
cess of civilizing has curbed down
the natural to some degree of suavity.
Acts become habits, and habits mold
character. 1t is this educating process
of guarding and watching our acts
which makes the E'manner of the man 80
And although we consider it a sophism
to say the manners maketh the man,"
they certainly do reveal the manner of
the soul beneath. as well as conceal the
the processes Of thought and springs of
purposes to any but the argus eyed
Ellen Balm, in Christian at Work.