Connecticut western news., 1889-10-23
FUN.

Get your breast-pins. An exchange says opalescent glassware s.is the rage for candle light effects"
 Advice to St. Lawrence pilot When you see rapid ''shoot' it on the spot.-Texas Siftings.
 We read of Kentucky man who was paralyzed by a mosquito bite. It is a wonder the bite did not paralyze the mosquito. Siftings.
 It may be true, as stated, that there is honor among thieves; but it is so successfully hidden that it does nobody any good-not even the thieves.
 Thompson is practical. When Jones said to him sympathetically, "I fear Smith is losing his grip," Thompson said promptly, "Why doesn't he buy trunk?"
 "Who are the brilliantly-dressed military men on the opposite side of the room?" she asked ut the ball.
 "Those are some oe our glittering generalities," replied her editorial es- cort.
 Watermelon seeds are found in an Egyptian tomb that are 5000 years old. There was no doubt about their being watermelon seeds, because the mummy was all doubled up.-Texas Siftings.
 s'I should like to know" remarked Jones as he left the courtroom, "what earthly use there is in sentencing such fellows to imprisonment for life. They make 1t point never to serve, out half their terms"
 Alice.-rve just been reading news paper discussion on "When women should marry" Miss Elder. When do you think girl should marry2
 Miss Elder (emphatically) Just as soon as she has proposal.-Munsey's Weekly.
 Brown.-De Grow looks very poor ly, don't hep He has not many years to live, fear.
 Jones.-He won't live six months, and you can bet on it. I've said 90 for the last three years, and I know what I'm talking about.-The Epoch.
 "Do you know who her grandfather was? Have you ascertained anything in regard to her pedigree2 Those are things you ought to know about the women you are to make your wife,"
 "Oh, hang her grandfather!"
 "My boy, that's just what they did"
 Stranger--"What is the meaning of this vast crowd; something unusual happening?"
 Boston man-sI don't know, sir. I have just arrived on the ground my self. It may be that symphony con- cert is just over, or it may be that Mir. Sullivan is drunk again."
 The little daughter of laboring- man had been taken to toy-shop that she might select doll.
 "There's nice one Lucy" said the mother.
 "No; it's too handsomely dressed for me. I want to be my dolls man. ma, not it's servant"
 ssHow are you?" said young man effusively to young theatrical mana ger. "You are looking finely. I haven't seen you in such apparent good health for long time."
 "Yes?" said the manager. "How many passes would you like to have for tonight ?''-Merchan Traveller.
 First Brooklyn man Con street carl. You haven't lived in Brooklyn long, have you?
 Second Brooklyn man.-No, only few weeks. How did you know?
 First Brooklyn man.-I noticed that when you said you lived in Brooklyn you blushed.-New York Weekly.
 MT. Bludcrhead to fond mother and father)-ssWhat remarkable children yours are! Where did they get so much beauty and cleverness?"
 And Blunderhead can't understand why the parents of the remarkable children are so cool to him. Most people love to have their children praised.
 Fond Wife.-What are you SO busy at?
 Young Physician.-I am writing Q letter to the newspapers, abusing Dr. Blank, the great scientist.
 Fond Wife.-But Dr. Blank has never done you any harm, and you agreed with his theories.
 Young Physician.-True; but it's against the rule for physicians to adver- tise, and l must get myself before the public somehow.-New York Weekly.