Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-05-06

Some men kick against bill and others
foot it.
There are men who are really wise. To
be wise in ones own conceit is otherwise.
The din of Wagnerian music suggests
that some one is building castles in the
air.
We all have our mission, but it does
not always pay us Sl7, 800 a year like the
English one.
It's wise child that goes out of the
room to laugh when the old man mashes
his thumb.
Cholley-I always sleep we'll Miss
Snyder-So should judge. You never
seem more than half awake.
Mary Anderson has among her stage
effects $50 wigs. This makes her the wig
gedest woman in America.
ssAnd how did Blifkins become insane?"
'By absorption. He slept for three
months beneath a crazy quilt"
Editors are being recognized officially.
The president is pious man who doesn't
propose to see the writeous fOrsaken.
German savant has discovered that
plants can think. The trouble with the
symylocarpus fetidus is that it thinks
out loud.
Dasher-I hope you don't object to my
smoking. Rev. Mr.. Mylde-N-not in
the least, if-you don't object to my be-
ing sick.
Justice-Did you ever take an oath,
madam? Witness Gndignantly)-No, sir.
I'd slap the mans face who swore in my
presence.
New Hampshire man named Baker
has u unmarried daughters and they are
known throughout the country as "Bak-
er's Dozen"
pauper woman who was being COM
miserated in having lost her teeth-Shoor
an isn't it time to lose thin whin Pve
nothing for thin to do?
He-The waiter says we can't have an
omelet. They haven't any eggs. She
I'd Just as soon have mine without eggs.
/ always do at home.
Boarding house mistress (sternly to
hungry boarder) 1--WE are going to have
grace" Boarder (mildly)-"Glad we are
going to have something
First dude-I think Polly Racquet is
lust too masculine and vulgar for any
thing. Second dude-Isn't she? Why, do
YOU know that last night she asked me to
be her wife.
Magistrate to plaintiff with lump on his
head If your wife threw sad iron at
you, why didn't you dodge? Plaintiff
did. your honor, and that's how came to
get hit.
"This, sir, is a combination of two cy-
clopedias-the Cyclopedia of General In
formation and that Of" Thanks, my
good friend, but don't care for BIZ
cyclopedia."
Drummer-(enter n small country
TAVERN: Accommodate me with bed
for the night? Landlord; All beds full.
But we can take down the clock and let
you sleep between the ticks.
Cleveland man recently loaned five
hundred-dollar diamond ring to "A Euclid
avenue girl. 1t fitted so snugly that she
couldn't get it off, and he had to marry
her to recover it.
Mr.. Murray Hill-Whom do you consid-
er the most beautiful girl in New York.
count? Count Onnmore-The one with the
largest fortune. L have forgotten her
name, but my attorneys have her address.
primary school has returned to the
abe system of teaching reading, after
having used the word system for some
years, and youngster was showing now
well he could read ''c-a-n," and interpret
ed it, 81 see hem
Mrs. Youngwife-Oh, George, how ut
terly heartless, almost wicked, we have
become! Husband-Eh? What? It's aw-
full to be so neglectful of heavens choicest
blessings. We haven't had babys picture
taken for a week
Mr.. R.-Good-morning, Miss d.; de-
lightful weather, is it not? True spring
weather, indeed. BY the way, Miss ID,
are you denying yourself anything during
this penitential Lenten season? Miss D.
o yes. I've left off my sealskin sack.
A dragon, slightly drunk, was vainly
trying to mount his horse, calling loudly
on the saints sSaint John. help me
Saint Peter, assist me! Saint Paul. come
to my aid! J" BY mighty effort he jumps
clear over his horse, then, turning around:
'Gently, gently, my friends" says he,
'snot all at once!"