Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-05-17
THOUGHTS ZOE THE sERI0Us
a 80 nap-the e..

A CAT nap-the fur.
TIE actor and the baseball player
both aim to make a hit.
TALK is cheap, but not the affection
ate talk Of a pretty girl; that is dear.
In is quite right for a lecturer to be
full Of his subject, but not when he lee
lures on whisky.
IT is strange that Longfellow knew
not of the Interstate laws and yet
wrote Try not the pass.
AWIoBrTA school girl Is credited with
saying: death is like vaccination; it
never takes without leaving a mark. ="
EACH man is walking coal mine,
and it is for him to decide whether ii
viii send forth heat and light, or only
SCOT and smoke.
THIRTEEN is q mighty unIucIzy
number" thought the prisoner, gazing
at the Judge and jury as he heard the
verdict" guilty"
"SAD about Cholly, wasn't it? Got
his cane head in his mouth. you know,
and couldn't get it out. How much
was it worth ?"-Time
VISITOR (chaffngly)-Why, Tommy,
you weren't born ten years ago. Tommy
1.-TWO days before his tenth birth day.
We'll, I wasn't far from it. anyhow.
A DETROIT gentleman whose hair Is
becoming a little sparse says that his
marriage certificate IS beginning to
show through Free Press.
PHILADELPHIA Gin St. Louis will
you kindly tell me where I can get
drink of water? Policeman-Mein
frient, I haff been only dree months on
dis beat.
THERE are nice little pretty green
GASES all through the desert of life, but
the fat man who breaks a suspender
when running to catch q train doesn't
think of this.
DOMESTIC (whO has been catechising
prospective mistress) - Well, Mrs.
Sharply, you have rather q bad name
among the girls in the town, but Oh
think III give you try.
A MAN could form a more accurate
idea as to when he reached middle age
if furnished with the date of his demise.
A woman never gets there anyway, so
she needs no table Of neurology.
'WHAT do you think of my mustache.
Edith ?" ooh it reminds me of the con
dition of the telegraph wires after the
were all down. - Chicago Ledger.
The hot-water cure is highly spoken
of. A young man of our acquaintance
was completely cured of an attachment
for young lady by one kettIefuI, which
the old man let him haYe.-BO8tO9I
Bulletin.
BooTBLACK-Shine, sir? COuntryman
(sadly(-NO, sonny; them boots amt
been BACKED since my poor dear wife
died six months ago. There amt much
blackin' left on 'em, but what's there
she put on herself.
WEREN'T you knocking at the side
door a moment ago." inquired st.
Peter, as he cautiously opened the main
entrance. eyes, sir. Well, you can't
come in. We have no use for people
who frequent side doors. Epoch.
Mrs. LYoN-HUNTER- How was it you
didn't invite the Baron to your house
before he went away? Mrs. Frankie
cause was afraid my husband might
be rude to him. You know he hates
to have strangers ask him for money.
BIBBs-M Money! Gedl he's got NAV
money than he knows what to do with
Nibbs-He nnight-aw- his debts
then. Bibbs-Haw and what's the use
of having money, ba JaWve if you aw
gawing to pay your debts, ba JawYeI
Lies.
SMALL Boy Mamma, where does
leather come from? ? AIamma-It comes
from animals, my son. It is the skin,
tanned. Small BOY-Mamma, do ami
mails have souls? Mamma-Of course
not Small BOy-Then what part does
sole leather come from
MY dear, although our daughter
liked Mr.. Blank well enough to get en-
gagged to him, Pm really afraid she
doesn't love him. Wise father-O, well,
that doesn't matter. Mr. Blank is a
morning newspaper man and she'll
never see enough Of him to get tired Of
him Philadelphia Record.
EXPERIENCED Hello! we'te
in luck. I hear q husband and wife
quarreling in this house. I'll wait UatiI
he comes out" Fresh tramp" Wot
good IL that do?" "I,l1 tell hiT Pm
a wanderer over the face of the earth
because L can't live with my vile. and
he'll give me a dollar Philadelphia
Record.
WORSE THAN MARRIAGE.
A bachelor old and chanky
Was sitting alone in his room;
His toes with the govt were aching,
And his face was O'erspread with gloom.
No little ones shouts disturbed him,
From noises the house was free;
In fact from the attic TO cellar
Twas quiet as quiet could be.
No medical aid was lacking;
The servants answered his ring,
Respectfully heard his orders,
And supplied him with everything
But still there was something wanting
Something he couldn't command;
The kindly words of compassion,
The touch Of q gentle hand
And he said, as his brow grew darker
And he rang for the hireling nurse;
sWeII, marriage may be failure