The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-09-05
NUMBER 80.
NEWSPAPER HUMoR.
written with Six Dollar Pair of Shea.

, Written With a Six Dollar Pair of Shears
Good Catche-By Jove what a stun
ming creature May Blossom is. Miss
Chevious-Indeed Eyes, you know
she's so well poised, so sure Of herself. .
"Well, she ought to be; she has known
herself long enough, truth.
Mother (suspiciously)-If you haven't
been in swimming how did your hair
get so wet? Little Dick-That's perspir-
ation-runnin' away from bad boys wot
wanted me to disobey you an go in
swimmin'?-Netu York Weekly.
Colored Pastor-Ladies and gemmen
1t am berry annoyin' to 'nounce dat dis
weddin' am definitely postponed. Mis-
tab Linkum hab done hooked de ring an
Miss Sfrony dsire me to say that she am
painfully 'embarrassed.-Time.
Agent-Youll like the organ, ma am.
Just let me put it in your parlor for a
few days. Housewife-I don't want it,
Agent-It has ten stops and House
wife-I don't care if it has fifty. 1t can
not stop here.-Detroit Free Press.
First Editor Qanguidly)-I saw an ex-
cellent thing in your paper yesterday.
Second Editor with animation)-Ha |!
That so One of my editorials {? F. E.
NO; a reception making lobster salad.
1t works like a charm. m.-BoStOn Courier.
81 have an excellent steel trap for sale.
Do you want to buy one p "Have you
a trap for sale ? How did you happen
to strike it I" SIN the dark. You see, il
was so busy hunting for muskmelons
that didn't see it."-Neic York Sun.
Mrs. Tartar (twenty years married)-
You would make quite an addition to
Yellowstone Park just now. Mr. Tartar
Crying to make his wedding suit fit his
change of form)-Why? Mrs. Tartar
You are such a splendid guy, sir.-TOCn
Topics.
"But why do you charge such an
enormous rent for fiat in such a-well,
plebein neighborhood ?" Good gra-
cious, man, there's saloon in the base
ment, ard you can get into it on Sunday
by going down the back stairs. Boston
| Courier.
Guest-Do you call these soft shelled
crabs? can't get my knife into them
at all. Maitre de Cafe-Ah beg par
don, monsieur. Ze garcon haf made one
meestake. Rey vos pc zee celluloid
crabba from re zhow window, .sair.-
TotCn Topics.
At Coney Island Brooklyn man bor-
rowed ten dollar bill from a friend.
Holding up the money, he said "Much
obliged for the Robinson Crusoe."
what makes you call it that ?'' BE
cause it's loan on an island. ."-NetU
York Morning Journal.
"How was the audience at your rendi-
tion of Hamlet last nIght?" was asked
of transformer. VERY, very poor"
"What seems to be the trouble ?" 81
don't know, but suppose l shall have
to rewrite the play before the people up
here will like it.--Judge.
Charley-What's the matter, Algy |?
You look like thundercloud Has
anybody been cheating you lately? Algy
I should say they had. You know |
married my taior's daughter last week,
and all the beastly fellow gave us was
my bill, receipted in full.-Time.
Wife Ito husband as they are about to
start on summer excursion)-Will
have time to run across the street to
mothers to bid her good by? Husband
consulting his watch)-I'm afraid not,
dear. The carriage will be here for us
in an hour and half sbarp,-BOStOn
Courier.
Old scholmate meets Thompson, whom
he has not seen for several years. Old
Friendly the way, old man, how did
your scheme of marrying so you would
have some one to talk TO pan out !?
Thomson-Not 80 well. You see that's
ErpTe$s. -''1 70" 70" T'"''''" H""f"
Policeman What, returned to the
city 80 early in the season. Tramp-Yes
boss, the city's good enough for me.
P.-Why SOP l supposed the country
was paradise in summer to those of
your kind. T.-So it was once, boss, but
the farmers are now all takin' summer
boarders and work off their cold wittles
on 'em.-BOSton Budget.
Friend-So you have another race
booked ? haven't seen you taking the
regulation exercise spins to get in con-
dition, while have met your opponent
religiously preparing himself for the en-
counter. Famous Sprinter-Oh take
exercise at night. Friend-Where, and
how F. Sat home, The baby gives
me all the exercise need, and more too.
Boston Budget.