Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1889-11-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

1
daze. -NarcbaM 7rrrcler.
There is nothing SO holy [aad il,
expensive) as a sisters love.-Halifal
Chronicle.
People who call one another liar:
often get hurt for telling the truth.
Merchant Traueler.
A wife owes duty to her husband
and the husband, as in courtesy bound
pays the -Binghamton Leader.
| Politicians seem to agree with musi
clans that thorough base methods are the
foundation of harmony.-Baltimore
.4nie1fcd,s.
The Iowa cheese factories talk OF
| organizing into corporation and want
name. We suggest the Mite society.
-7eras Sytings.
We do not credit the rumor that q
tragedian kept himself from starving in
the west by eating all of his ShakS-
pearean roles.-Harp er's Bazar.
The woman who takes three hours to
dress for a party may be vain, but she
will never wear short hair or try to act
like man.-oomerville Journal.
| Miss Periodic (at the races-'I shall
buy the horse whose driver wears blue. .
Miss Discreet-.'I wouldn't. Blue is
not fast color, you know. ."-NeU York
Sun.
1t is queer that young man never
notices that the woman he is in love
with has freckles until after she has
Tilted or married him.-1erre Haute Er-
press.
A glass of beer will attract more
flies than glass of water. 1t also has
an attractive force - other ANIMALS
not possessed of wings.-NeaO York
Herald.
Man may have seven ages, but a
woman after she reaches a certain
point has but one. She sticks to that
for the remainder of her Merchant
Irareler.
Claus Sprechels wants to build houses
of sugar. If an apartment building OF
this material is erected we are willing
to take a sweet of rooms. Laurence
-4mcrtcdn.
DO you notice that long. leering grin
which divides the upper from the lower
shell of the oyster? That is in appre-
citation of the annual X joke Wash.
inyton Capital.
Medical authorities insist that stimu.
lants weaken the voice, and doubtless
they do. 1t must be admitted. however,
that they strengthen the breath
Philadelphia Press.
Curious state of affairs at my
society,"" said the recording secretary.
What's that?" why. it took two
hours last night for me to get ten min
utes. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
Whenever we hear man boastingly
exclaim that he and bis wife agree in
everything we are always tempted to
ask. (which one OF you. then. is the
idiote"-BostOn Blade.
A Chicago paper SAYS the danger line
II passed as regards the corn crop. Not
at all. The danger line will only be
reached when corn Is manufactured in.
to whisky.-Teras Siftings.
The man who shoots his girl to make
her love him and the girl who throws
vitriol in her lovers face for the same
purpose should marry and have it out
with each other.-Philadeiphta Times.
Sarcastic guest-'.Waiter. how long
have you been in this establishment"
Waiter-"Six weeks, sir" Then YOU
were not here when / ordered that
beefsteak. Excuse me. ."-7eras Sitlings
Mumley-'The proprietor Of this
ready-made clothing store is a law
breaker" Dumley-"How do you
make that out?" Mumley-"Why,
isn't he a counter-ftter?-N York
Sun.
Angry father-.'If you wish to con-
tinue your visits to my daughter.
sir. you must wear frock coat"
Suitor-''When you chain up your dog.
sir. l shall be happy to."-Ciothier and
Furnisher.
Mrs. Jason-"Who was the author Of
ihe saying that history repeats itself.
Jehiel?" Mr.. Jason-'I dunno.
Probably some fellow who went to two
minstrel shows in one week. ."-Ttrre
Haute Express.
Boston girls 1t not strange.
Senor Matildo. that you have never
married3 Have you never proposed?"
ACHot 1Aatiiuo- No- lease TIC
management of all my money matters
to my ."-Epoch.
Subscriber-"Say. / don't see any.
thing funny about your jokes" Para
grapher-.You don't? want you to
understand, sir, that those jokes con.
vulsed thousands with laughter before
you were born.-NeU York San.
Hopwood-"Knox did ever tell
you the story about the judge and his
coon dog?" Knox-"I don't remember.
Was it good one?" Hopwood- Yes.
a mighty good story" Knox-'Then
you never told it to me. ."-NeU Yorl
Truth.
Il don't understand how you can
stay so continually in the house this
summer. / feel as if must get away.
if only to see some new faces" 'tOh! ]
don't need to 90 for that Ny wife has
new servant every day. ."-Fiiegendt
Biatter.
Mrs. Joshua. I am going
to the dentists to have a tooth pulled
out. You mind the baby while I'm
gone" Mr.. L. Dumping for his hat) =
Say. you mind the baby and I'll go
and get tooth pulled. you know
NeW Tork Sun.
when your practicing friend across
the way has learned to playthe cornet
he will entertain the whole neighbor-
hood" said Mrs. Brown. ..Yes,n said
Mrs Crown, ''but by that time there
won't be any neighborhood here
SO'merrille Journal.
Mr.. Smith (reading Bellamy's Look
ing Backward'O-"HullO, what does
that mean? We are to have neither
banks nor bankers. Isn't he going it
rather fast?" Mrs. Smith-"Why, no,
dear not at the rate they are going to
Canada. ."-NeU York Tribune.
I'VE came pretty near having terri.
BILE accident here last night" said the
hotel clerk confidentially. How was
thatf" Rural boander-blew 1t out,
you know. We Just discovered him In
time" How did he look?" He looked
= gassed- 'FRONT.'" - Washington
Capital.
Mrs. N. Peck-''They hAd an awful
time across the way this afternoon.
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