davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
"a LITTLE NONSENSE"

What were you thrashing your
boy for last night?" asked neighbor
of Mr.. Caution. "Wild oats" was
the old mans reply.-Pittsburgh
Chronicle.
First tramp-"Buzz that old chap
for dime-work upon his feelings
Second tramp-"Work upon his feel
iugs, Ell? Any work to be done, do it
yourself. "-Munsey's Weekly.
Ills your vessel your homer" asked
q lady, addressing man-of-war's man.
1T is. ma'am." replied the seaman.
Gin times of peace. but when we are in
close action we're only boarders.n
Druggist - What's the matter
with you? You seem excited" Clerk
Heavens! / sold Mrs. Smiley strych-
nine instead of potash" Druggist
"Well, if you aren't the most careless
idiot ever saw. You seem to have
no idea of the value of strychnine. ~
America.
Mrs. McFinn-"YOur ould mon
isn't falin' well. Oh hear. Mrs. Olaf"
Mrs. O'Taff-.'Dade N he amt, Mrs.
McFinn. Thot numbering rogue
OShane drop't hod o'breeks on his
he'd last Cheusday. and he's bin hav-
in Thin he'dakes liver since. brakes
Magazine.
why. Georgia" said girl to her
little brother. 1--we just heard that
you were whipped at school last week.
i had no idea of it till ma told me a
few minutes ago." Hadn't you," re-
sponded George, and then he added,
with an air of pride. "Why / knew it
all the time. Portland Advertiser.
My friend" said the solemn
looking man who was distributing
slips of paper on the street corner,
lido you ever go to church," Every
Sunday" replied the young man ad-
dressed. 81 am an usher" There
is hope even for you. my young friend. "
said the solemn-looking man, with
deep feeling. as he handed him tract.
Chicago Tribune.
One American manufactures OF
base-balls employs 500 hands and
keeps 40, 900 dozen balls in stock.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
HOW'S THIS

We offer One Hundred Dollars re-
ward for any case of Catarrh that can
not be cured by taking Halls Catarrh
Cure.
FL. CHENEY & CO., Props,
Toledo o.
We the undersigned, have known
F. j. Cheney for the last ID years.
and believe him perfectly honorable
in all business transactions, and finan.
cially able to carry out any obliga-
tons made by their firm.
WEST & TRUAx, Wholesale Druggists,
Toledo, o.
WALDING, KINNAN u MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, ..
E. II. VAN HoEsEN, Cashier, Toledo
National Bank, Toledo 0.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken in
ternally, acting directly upon the
blood and mucus surfaces of the sys'
tenn. Testimonials sent free. Price
75c. per bottle. Sold by all Drug
Dists.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
ssWeur Back" On Him

On June 9th, one Joaquin Bell
entered the circuit clerks office in
this city and made application for the
proper license to marry Miss Edith
NARROW, who. he claimed, was a Vir-
ginia girl, and was visiting near Arm.
strong this country. He claimed to
have come all the way from Canada
to meet and marry Mss NARROW.
After investigating the Canadian gen.
tleman the clerk issued him the de-
sired license and he went on his way
rejoicing. The latter part of last
week the license was returned to the
Clerk in a rather peculiar manner.
The would.be-groom filled out the
blank as follows: Estate of Misery,
Howard county: this is to certify that
she went square hack on me: no
preacher, no marriage J" We have
not heard what become of the poor
fellow, but suppose he has returned
to the Canadian shore.-Fayette
Advertiser.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
a Standing Joke.

Upton Times
There is small paper up at Sedalia
called the Gazette. enthusiastically
its editors return from Saline county
or other places where they spend
the most of their time In recreation,
and this fact is apparent.from puerilli-
ty in its columns and its readers are
made TO regret that the management
of the paper is not left entirely to the
"hired hands," 1t is standing joke
among the printers of Sedalia that the
Gazette has "two editors to the frame.
We submit that the present condition
of things is bad. Kill off some of
those on hand or get some more. Any
thing for q change.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

The knights of labor are making a
fight against Thomas Furlong of st.
Louis, who is seeking the appointment
as chief of the United States secret
service. The central labor union sent
a protest to President Harrison and
Secretary Window recently. Since
that protests have been made by local
assemblies Nos $3.50 of Ellenvillle,
n. Y; 993, 5000, S119. SO4l and
1954S of St. Louis. and 3476 of Soda
liza, Mo-, the Missouri State assembly
and local assembly No. 5215 of Hous'
ton, Tex.-New York Star.
Sedalia's local assembly, 3476 OF
this city. may exist. but it is only
heard from on occasions when it can
in some manner interfere with its op.
posers, who love law and order. The
only reason on earth the Sedalia K.
of L. oppose Mr.. Furlong is because
during the 1886 strike, when they
were placarding respectable citizen:
to leave town and in many other ways
carrying things with a high hand,
Thomas Furlong, on the side of order
and law, was against them.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

One of the uptown churches is al
most destitute Of attendance at pres
ent, because the minister by some of
his utterances has offended the several
of the more influential members and
the latter have succeeded in infiuenc-
ing the others to stay away from the
church while the obnoxious minister
remains-New York Mail and Ex-
press.
The member of q church who would
remain away from it because the min
aster had given personal oaense, has
no more of the real Christ-like at
tributes in his make up than the veri.
est sinner alive. Such a one would
stay away from Heaven, because st.
Peter did not use gate opener, war
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
s}I1l'!l!

the Threshing Machines then
in use were almost wholly of
the class known as the Endless
Apron" style. Then it was that
Nichols & Shepard, of Battle
Greek, Mich. observation-disclosures
to develop an entirely new and
novel style of Grain Thresher and
Separator, which theyveryappro-
priately named the vibrator"
1t was a revolution in Thresh-
ing Machines, and from a small
beginning of five machines in
1858 they soon reached a pro-
duct of 1000 yearly.
Their Vibrator drove the End
less Apron" machine out of mar
ket, and all other makers copied
it as closely as they dared. To-
day all Threshing Machines of
any reputation or merit use the
principles of the old Vibrator.
Nichols & Shepard have con-
tipued in the business without
cNnge of name, location, or
management; and during the
past three years have brought
out and developed another new
Threshing Machine for grain and
seeds, as superior to all existing
machines as their former was to
the Endless Apron They name
this new and improved Thresher
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
PERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL.


Jacob Matthias. who died recently
in Shanesville, Pa. had lived all his
life, eighty-nine years. in one house.
Miss Georgia Rattan is the sug-
gestive name OF a young Oregon
school teacher. The pupils will be-
apt to keep their eyes on her.
Mrs. Sturgeon. wife of the
eminent preacher. not only makes q
speciality of supplying poor pastors
with books, but often sends new
bonnets to their wives.
-Pasteur is a cheerful man and
takes hopeful view of the future of
medical science. He thinks il will be
pleasant to live in the twentieth
century when all epidemics will be
done away with.
John Bright was the only Cabinet
Minister who never knelt to the
Queen, his reason being that he could
not render to an earthly potentate the
homage which he owed to the
Supreme Being alone.
"A wealthy woman in New York
City has proposed to make by her will
the officers of the Salmagundi Club
trustees of a fund of fifty thousand
dollars, whose interest shall be applied
to helping sick or needy artists. The
club has accepted the trust
-Coralie Cohen is claimed BY the
European Jews as a second Florence
Nightingale. She is Jewish lady,
who was an angel of mercy during the
late Franco-German war. and passed
unframed among the wounded in the
two hostile camps. She is Knight
of the Legion of Honor, and has
been elected president of that pat
riotic body the Association des Danes
Franchises.
Mime. Munemitsu Mutsu, wife OF
the Japanese Minister at Washington.
entertains her intimate friends with
music on the ''koto," the Japanese
piano. 1t is six feet long by about
eight inches wide, and the silk strings
are drawn lengthwise on the rounded
top. Nine. Mutsu is a clever per-
former on the "koto." and she is
especially acceptable when she renders
the music of the "Mikado.
-Chevreurs life embraced the
careers of Andrew Jackson, Clay,
Webster. Calhoun. Grant. Lee. Stone
wall jackson. Mirabeau. Danton.
Marat, Robespierre. Napoleon Bona
parte, Talleyrand, Theirs. Gambetta,
Palmerston. Disraeli, Gladstone. Carl
baldi, Bismarck, Gortchakofi. And
rassy. Scott, Dickens, Thackersy,
Cooper, Longfellow, Hawthorne.
Byron, George Eliot, George Sands.
Dumas, Balzac. Macaulay, Beecher,
Sturgeon. Livingstone. Stanley.
Morse, Edison and many others
worthy to be placed in this famous
company.
Some time ago. as Miss Anderson
was passing through one of the great
dry goods stores. the statesmen recog-
nized her and whispered to each other:
There goes Mary Anderson" A little
cash boy, hearing the remark too late
70 see her face. exclaimed: ''Oh. why
didn't you let me know in time?
haven't got money enough to so to see
her play. but | might have looked at
her." The lady had not passed out OF
hearing. Turning back she stopped
and kissed the boy. There. my lad.
she said. You can not only say that
you have seen Mary Anderson. but
that she has kissed you boston
Transcript.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

Springfield may know good thing
when she sees it, but if 80, she has a
peculiar idea of that which constitutes
a good thing. The universal opinion
of thousands of strangers who have
witnessed the displays and drills given
by the Sedalia Flambeau club is that
nothing equaIling them is to be found
in this country. Sedalians are proud
of the Aambeau boys and their pride
is not based upon locality, either, but
upon real merit.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10


Turnips are 80 cents a peck.
Parsnips are 20 cents peck.
HOLSTERS are 20 cents peck.
Sweet potatoes are % cents peck.
Fresh hen eggs are Ii cents doz'
en-.
Concord grapes are 5 cents pound.
Damsen plums are So cents and uI
to SO cents per gallon.
BIack-eyed peas are 10 cents 8
quart.
Celery is Is cents for a bunch o.
six stalks.
Dressed chickens are 25 and sc
cents apiece.
Watermelon cucumbers are 10 cts
a dozen.
Cabbage, green, white or red, is 5
cents a head.
Little yellow pear tomatoes are %
cents peck.
Ounces, new on the market, are 70
cents a peck.
Green string and wax beans are {
cents quart.
Lima beans, a little withered, are
10 cents a quart.
Cantelopes WAIVER in prices from 4
dime to 20 cents.
Beets are selling at the rate of about
Is for q nickle.
A bushel of tomatoes can be bought
for from 5 to 10 cents.
Minced and stuffed sausage are
selling at 10 cents pound.
Big white squashes are command
ing from 10 to 15 each.
Apples. according to quality and
kind, are 20 to 80 cents peck.
Corn has not changed in price for 6
month, but is still selling at cents 6
dozen ears.
The best full creamery hutter 20
cents, best dairy 10, and country
make 10 to 121 cents pound.
Bartlett pears are selling at three
quarters of q dollar peck. Duchess
pears the same price.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
Tanner, the great and only Tanper

Tanner, the great and only Tanner.
says, the democrats and mugwumps
started the crusade against him and
now the weakly, puny republicans
<swant to cruelty him." Mr.. Tanner
is mistaken. He started the crusade
against himself when he wanted to
pension every dead beat who wanted
one and cruciied himself by keeping
his mouth sjar too much.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
A Philadelphia business man, ac-

"A Philadelphia business man. ac-
cording to the Times. has hit upon
novel scheme for avoiding unwelcoms
visitors. He has placed detective
camera directly opposite the door OF
his Office. When a visitor enters,
the Office boy, a bright Lad and well
schooled in the diplomacy of his pro-
fession. turns the knob and takes an
instantaneous photograph of the in
truder. This is developed and forms
one of a collection Of undesirable WIS.,
itors. which is kept in a book for the
boys instruction in the future. PEG.
pie who come to waste others time,
collectors with bills that they wish
paid and the thousand and one diss-
greeable characters known to the sv-
erage business man form the basis Of
this unique collection.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

The announcement that Cousin Ben
Folsom will not be disturbed in the
possession of the consulate at Sheffield
is somewhat disturbing alike to the
aspirants for that position and to the
critics of the administration. 1t is
yet to be explained whether Cousin
Ben is retained in his place because
be is an able representative of the
National game of base ball, or to in
dictate the present administrations ap-
proval of the policy of appointing
family connections to fat Offices.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

ranted not to rattle In the socket and
decline to be buried in the ground
because the earth had not been es.
pecially created for them. Such
Christians are a libel upon the name
and a disgrace to the great religious
body, which God fearing and God
loving, gather in His name and forget
themselves in their greater worship of
Him crucifed.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

The statement that electricity will
not kill, which has been so enthusias.
,ticalIy advanced by parties who are
against this mode of capital punish
ment, has received a sudden check by
the awful death of lineman in But
falo, n. Y. Electricity if properly
appIied will kill and there is no earth
iy reason why it should not take the
place of the brutal gaIlows,
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

The thoughtless housewife still
starts the fire with kerosene the coun-
try over, but Colorado appears to be
the banner state in this direction,
since fifteen orders have been made
on I'm dertakers in that neck of the
woods during the month from this
cause alone.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
BOARDING SCHOOL GIRLS
OF THE PERIOD.


are filed with girls going away from
home to attend school and in their
youthful spirits and peculiar sense of
importance which is apt to overtake
the .."boarding school" girl, they at
tract considerable attention from the
staid and sober citizen as well as the
dude and ''sappy young man. OF
course these girls all have to be edu-
Gated, but why in the name of com.
mon sense they should be sent 90 far
away from home is one of the mys'
teries of the age. Girls are sent from
the east to the west and from the west
to the east etc., and vet one OF
these, 80 called perfect educational
institutions, is just as good as an
other. All send their drummers out
at the beginning of the school season
and all present exactly the same in
ducements. Indeed, it may be safely
asserted that about the biggest fraud
which is perpetrated on the public to-
day lie the average seminary for girls.
Parents sacrifice everything to send
their daughters, just at an age when
they most need the restraining in
fuence of home. hundreds, aye, in
some instances, thousands of miles, to
attend some school, which by clap
trap advertising, has been presented
to them, while at their very doors
better instruction at much less cost
can be procured. Nine times out OF
ten, there is silly pride attending
the sending, which works harm to
the girl rather than good, be-
cause she realizes that it j:
not so much. her intellect
that is to be cultivated as to gel
ahead of her neighbors.
Such girls return home with a We
ueer upon them which bears about as
near q relation to practical and thor
ough education as cotton flannel
rabbit does to the real article, and
henceforth she is not worth killing.
She assumes airs which are nine time:
in ten above her station in life, and
what little mind she has LETT is giver
over to avoiding anything which may
SAVIOR of real work and trying t.
"mash" some susceptible youth, whose
stock in trade consists of a cherry col.
ored necktie and his hair parted il
the middle. She knows far more than
her paw, and when she condescend'
to council with her "maw" has a pat
ronizing way which ought to make
that good lady spank her, but which
is put up with because of the superior
advantages which the girl has had.
In the meantime, real young men
who have in the struggle of life been
thrown into the whirlpool where STOOL
II
luck, but where usually the
ablest are obliged to necessarily worl
for it, are looking around for help
mates and failing to find them. 1t il
high time that prospective wives, a
we'll as prospective husbands were be
ing ground in the mill of life, which
has sober common sense as its motivt
power and that girls were ''fnishet
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

Two Chicago men fought duel the
other day for the affections of a
woman, the affair taking place in the
house of their inamorata. The fool
killer has not been attending to busl-
ness In Chicago for some time.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

The Providence, r L., Journal
says:
civilian Malone made his first
reputation as soldier in the rebel
army, his second as a repudiator of
the honest debts of Virginia and mis-
third as a political renegade. In his
present position he has done nothing
to discredit either"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
Hibbard's Rheumatic Liver Pills
Advertiser

There pills are scientifically compounded,
uniform in action. No gripping pain SO
commonly following the use of pills. They
are adapted to both adults and children
with perfect safety. We guarantee they
have no equal in the cure of Sick Head
ache, Constipation, Dyspepsia, Bilious
ness, and, as an appetizer, they excel sny
other preparation. w. E. Bard, druggist.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

of" for service in the actual round of
duty rather than the gum chewing,
gilt edged French novel, circus tinsel
of the average boarding school.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
TELEPHONE NUMBERS.

DR.. Browu-Sequard has been mar
ried three times and is now widower.
This accounts for bis eagerness to dis
cover an elixir of life. He wants a
fourth wife.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

MOREOVER IT rs REQUIRED IN
THAT THEY BE FOUND
FAITHFUL.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10

Girls would rather sing soprans
than alto because it Is higher-toned
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1889-09-10
PER ANNUNG.
CHEAPEST AND BEST PAPER
CENTRAL MISSOURI.
ONLY $1.OG PER ANNUI.

Postage free to any post
Office in Pettis County.
Subscribers who take their
paper at postoffices outside of
Pettis County, will remit 20
cents extra for postage, which
is paid at the Office of publica-
ton.
Send in your names and
money.
No rame put upon the sub
scription book unless accom'
panied with the cash.
Address remittances or com
municatiOns to
]. WEST GOODWIN,
SEDALlA. M
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1889-10-17

Great foresight was shown by Demo-
rests Family Magazine in publishing
ten years ago, when an international
Exhibition was then talked of, map
of the identical site that now has been
chosen by the New York committee for
the worlds fair of 1892. In the No
vember number of that famous maga-
zine Gust issued) this plan is repro
duced, handsomely executed, and on
extra fine paper. 1t includes alI the
buildings and the laying-out of the
grounds, and, to make it more compre-
hensive, a map of New York city is
also given. The description that ac-
companies these designes gives better
idea of the site than anything that has
yet been published. Everybody should
possess this number, il only for this
feature. The same enterprise is shown
throughout the entire Magazine.
"Woman-Noyelists Of American" con-
tains some fine portraits OF those with
whose names and books we are SO IA
miliar. The opening chapters of seri-
al offend or Foolp'D, by 3, II. Connolly
are given, promising to develop into
one of the best of that well know
authors wonderful stories. An inter-
esting article on sPearis" is beautifully
illustrated by j. Carter Beard; and
there are, besides, numerous other arti-
cles and stories. Fine illustrations
constitute a feature of this magazine;
and In the November number there are
oyer one hundred of them. 1t is cer-
trinity the cheapest S2 magazine in the
market. Published by ". Jennings
Demorcst, Is East 14th Street, New
York.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1889-10-17
A Sound Legal Opinion.

Bainbridge Munday Esq, county
y Clay Co.. Tex. says: " ave used
Etric Bitters with mcst happy re-
My bro ther also was very low
Malarial fever and Jaundice. but
Cured by timely use Of this medi-
Am satisfied Electric Bitters
q his life.
&. ID. I. Wilcoxson, of Horse Cave,
adds . like testimony, says: He
lively believes he would have died,
fit not been for Electric Bitters.
mis- great remedy will ward off, as
s all IS cure all Malarial Diseases. and
Rkor all Kidney, Liver and Stomach Dis
orders stands unequaled. Price Soc.
and el at the Pioneer Drug Store.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1889-10-17
.Bucklen,s Arnica Salye.

! best salve iu the worle for Cuts,
ses, Sores, Ulcers. Salt Rheum,
j Sores. letter, Chapped hands,
llains, CoIns, and all Skin Erup-
and positively cures Piles. or no
.equired: 1t is guaranteed to give
ct satisfaction. or money refunded.
| rs cents per box. For sale by E
rh
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1889-10-17
Fourth Commissioner District Convention

Fourth Commissioner District Convention.
At the commissioner convention for
the 4th district, a. A. Powers was
chosen chairman and John Munday,
secretary. The committee on creden-
tlals reported ten delegates present and
entitled to seats in the convention.
The name of A. W. Bacon was pre-
sented to the convention and on ballot
he received the entire vote of the con-
yentfon as commissioner of 4th district.
A. a. POWERS,
Chairman.