Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1889-12-28
WISE AND UNWISE.
SHrEr music-Snoring.

SHEET music-Snoring.
\ CRATE fire warns mp when it's
coaled.
GUBBINs insists that corns are like
an acrobat, because they always light
on his feet
LADY, visiting hospital, gave a
soldier who had lost both legs a tract
on the sin of dancing.
A POLICEMAN on a market beat can
not complain of his hard lot. He has
the best the market affords.
DENTISTS ought to make good cam
raign orators; they having such an eff
fective way OF taking the stump.
AN editor putting alright collins said:
"No person having once tried one Of
these collins will ever use any other.
BRowN-So you eloped with Jones
daughter, did you? Green-I did.
B.-Didn't Jones kick. G.-No, he lost
leg in the war.
AN experienced young man says it
takes only one letter to tell the differ
ence between the summer and winter
styles of courtship, viz, gate-grate.
"WoN at last!" he exclaimed, tri-
umphantly Eyes, Charlie" said she
shyly, "but only ON the strict condition,
you know, that / am to be the one.
EXPERT EVIDENCE.
You may patch you may tinker
Old jokes as you will,
But the flavor of chestnuts
Will cling rouud them still.
"YoU have never taken me to the
cemetery" said married woman to hel
husband mo, my DEAR" replied he;
that is pleasure have yet in antici-
patton.
Mrs. MATER wonder what makes
the dog so afraid of me? He always
acts as if was going to half kill him.
Little Daughter dess he's seen you
banking me.
FERNIENT means to work, said the
teacher to the language class. Now
each of you write sentence containing
the word This is what Tommy Cumso,
who reads the paper, wrote, "Tramps
do not like to ferment.
LADY Qeaving store)-You bet | am
up to the tricks of these merchants. |
made him come down two dollars on the
price. Merchant (to himself il am up
to the tricks of these lady customers.
put the price up four dollars.
SATISFIED OLD MAID Fishing for q
compliment Tell me, darling, why
you prefer me to any of the other girls
for bride? Sensible Old Bach-Or
my wedding tour l don't want people
to think that am anewly married man
Mrs. BEACON HILL Gin an icy wills
per)--I beg your pardon, but this is my
pew The Intruder gently reproach
fuD-I am sister in Christ, and thu
is my Fathers house! "Er-doubtless
Bat [ have to pay the rent, you know.
FLAP-Tm in love, and the only dis
agreeable thing about it is that the CIR
is older than l. Jack-How old ar
you now? "Fm 10" And the lad,
what?" "Twenty-two. Make you
mind easy, my boy. BY the time yo1
are 81 she'll be only 20."l
A BROOKLYN boy asked his father tn
other day what was a philosopher. =
philosopher, my son? Why a philoso
pher is man who reasons" SIS tina
so 2" said the boy, dejectedly, 81 though
it was a man who didn't let thing
bother him." The father silently pate
his sons head.
Cor the Best of Grandma. -Littl
s Dot-Grandma,c can God see me when
Z am naughty? Grandma-Yes, dear
e Little Dot-Can He see me everywhere
e Grandma-Yes, God can see you at q
e times. Little Dot-Can He see m
r down in papa's wine cellar? Grandma
/, Yes. Little Dot-Come off, grandma
4 my papa amt got any wine cellar.
/ Life.
new YORK HOTEL CLERK (to be
! bow See what the rumpus is in 60
i Bell Boy (returning) Bluegra
: is mad because there's a pitcher
l. water in his room. Clerk But that
G not to drink. That's to wash in. BE
Boy-That's what / told him, and
1 got madden still. He wanted to kno
e if they thought him heather. +
? said he washed before he started fro
home.
A YOUNG lady asked an editor this e
II traordinary question: DO you thin
it right for girl to sit on young MAJ
+ lap, even if she is engaged" Whel
n upon the editor told this eXtraordlna
70 lie. I'VE have had no experience
"a the matter referred to-" Why didn't
say: IF it was cur girl and our la
ar yes; if it was another girl and our Ia
II yes; but if it was our girl and anoth
of fellows lap, never! never never"