Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-09-30

| AS Tar as you can from PhuSSandpnret.
The man who believes in nothing is as
big fool as he who believes in every
| thing.
When you hear young man say that
girl has no heart you may be pretty sure
that she has his.
When counting a farmers heiress, don't
tell her you love the ground she walks on.
| She might construe it literally
Old snuff-takers are but pleasantly slim
ulated by an article that would Maccaboy
sneeze the top of his head of.
Whatever you do, my boy, begin at
the bottom and work up ''But, father,
suppose 1 was going to dig well?"
Oyster suppers are appropriate only for
months that have an II in them, and for
pocketbOoks which have a in them.
Charley my boy you are positively shah
by; you ought to get new suit" Ssh!
don't mention it. My tailor has commenc-
ed one already
They were talking about the Atlantic
said. "A good egg?" why, yes,-being
so successfully laid"
Teacher-Now, my young friend, can
you tell me what memory is. Tommy
(after amoment's hesitation) PLEASE, sir,
memory is what you forget with.
1t has been discovered that the cash
boys were very lazy in the days of Job,
for he says ''All the days of my appoint
ed time will 1 wait till my change comes"
Cape Cod woman was remarking on
the color of her earrings. She said they
were some her husband had brought her
from over the sea, made of the oliver OF
Mt. Vociferous."
Mr.. Jones-Can you go sailing this af-
ternoon, my love? Mrs. Jones-If l may
take the baby. Mr.. Jones-Wel you
mayn't. I'm not going to assume the re-
sponsibility of squall.
Convalescent YOUTH can't swaller dis
tallow, nanny, deed | can't! Mother
You'd better eat dat candle, you trifin'
niggerl Amt de doctor charged me to
keep you on light diet?
After the elopement. He: "And now,
dear, since we are safe on the train, why
do you seem so sad?" 'She (pettishly):
eve were not even chased, don't think
it was one bit romantic"
"Well, Johnny, l shall forgive you this
time; and it's very pretty of you to write
a letter to say you are sorry" eyes, ma
don't tear it up, please" "Why, johnny"
Because it will do for next time"
Mamma-Bobby, Il notice that your little
sister took the smaller apple. Did you
let her have her choice, as l told you to
1 told her she could have the little one or
none, and she chose the little one.
A man died last week from overwork
in taking care of his health" He might
have lived longer if he had let his health
indulge in sort of ''go-as-you please"
race with the ills that flesh is heir to.
1 have met this man, said a great law
yer the other day, in a great many places
where 1 would be ashamed to be seen.
And for a moment he couldn't understand
why everybody laughed so uproarously.
BEG pardon Your face seems familiar
Haven't L met you somewhere before?"
'sQuite possible. I'm conscientious
Scruple. I'm attending the Cronin trial"
'sShake Same here. I'm a fixed Opinion"
Things are continually happening to
prove the wisdom of a remark once made
by Simon Cameron. Yes, he said, my
son Don had many advantages, but had
one which overbalanced them all-pover
ty.
ssDo you know" said the client to his
former attorney, "that l find you de-
cided necessity" ''Thank you" said the
barrister ''You no doubt recall the old
saying?" "What is that?" Necessity
knows no law"
Wibble-What do you think of this
idea of adopting the suniower as the ma
tional flower? Wabbe-Pretty good idea,
1 think. 1t is typical of quite numerous
class of Americans. 1t makes a big
spread all summer, and is seedy in the
fall