Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1889-08-14

other was a certificate of illness 10 SEND
to the chief with my petition for
weeks leave of absence"
Friend-sseve done that myself.
What's the matter"
"Matterl Great Scott! / mixed the
certificates in mailing them The iu.
surance company has my certlhcate OF
i'll health and the chief has my certih-
cate of good health"
MARIA demanded Mr.. Bilious,
with much severity, ''do you mean 10
tell me YOU paid fifty cents for that lot
worthless auction trumpery? Are you
never going TO learn the value OF mon-
ey?''
s'How can yoI expect me to learn
ANYTHING about it, John, when j have
ONLY q. so week to practice onf' re-
piled Mrs. Bilious, sweetly, and John
! stole softly out into the woodshed and
kicked himself.
ANGELINA-''There is no use talk
ing, mother; all is over between us.
Mother-"What has happened?"
Two minutes after George left me
at the gate last evening he uttered
terrible curse
''Shockingi What caused it?'
81 don't know for sure, mother; but
when turned the gas up in the parlor
found 25-cent piece where George
had been sitting; l am afraid George is
no gentleman"
QUITE WLLING.-'sPapa,'' said
Amy. hesitatingly, q / must confess
something. Harry and i had arranged
to elope tonight, but my conscience
| troubled me, and / Just had TO tell you,
and spoil it all"
sit need not spoil it, replied the
fond parent; ''go ahead and elope, but
never tell L knew of it. 1t will save
the expense of a wedding.
GIVING HER AwAY.-Tommy. TO
his sisters admirer-''Oh, Mr.. Court
man, you amt murderer, are you?"
Mr. Courtman-''I should hope not.
What put such an idea into your hesd?'
''Sister said you were numbering
| something last night
"What was l numbering, Tommy"
''The piano, think she said"
OBEDIENT.-''Don't excite and eX-
haust yourself by reading novels" said
serious neighbor to a nervous invalid,
and she continued her lecture until the
| patient found space 10 protest that nov
els bored her and her fayorite disSpa-
tion was darning the family stockings.
| Thus are we sometimes warned against
| the vices which have never tempted us,
until. perhaps, we embrace them
| through very curiosity.
A GREAT TRIP.-First Chicagoan-
ibid you enjoy your trip abroad, Mrs
Globetrot?''
Second Chlcagoau-''Oh,y yes; it was
full of events. ] saw the Queen i'll
April, danced with the Prince of Wales
in May, ,chstted with Douianger in June
and-I suppose that you heard that ny
husband died i'll July?'
Two WARDRoBEs.-Lov Wife
''My summer wardrobe is completed
and AIN now ready for Newport. -
Iusbind-"Well, III see if can ar
range my affairs 80 ! can go.'
'Gracious! | can't take you along
You haven't suit of clothes fit to be
SEEM
HARDENED. - Lawyer, to strong
witness for his side-''It just did me
| good to see how cool you were under
cross-examination."
Strong Witness, modestiy-"I am
the editor of paper which claims 300,
600 circulation"
4 TERRIBLE PossIBILITY.-Moth
reading-'A machine has been invent
ed that will fling man 1,500 feet in
the air.
Pretty Daughter-"Horr Don't
let pa hear of il. -
4 X.-Wife-"That sticky
ny-paper you brought home yesterday is
great success, as you see"
Husband-''HOw can you say that,
when il lIilan't caught one of the both
ersome pests?''
''Well, can't you call anything a sue
cess that has no flies on its
EVER THUs.-She-"D not you
think Madge was going to marry
Claude?''
He, with emphasis-"So."
Everybody else did"
Very likely; but she gave me to I'M
derstand she was going to marry me. -
HER SAD FACE.-Mr. DE Rich
"What sad, sweet face Miss Psyche
has! She never smiles. She must have
met with some great loss"
Miss Desmart-"Yes, she was in a
railroad ace dent some weeks ago, and
she lost front TOOTH
NOT CLEAR.-Mrs. MoYer-"Whatl
Don't you remember Blank street,
Why, we went there two or three times
to look for a house,
Mr.. Mover-"Huhi Name some
street we haven't been TO, looking for
houses, and perhaps I'll remember ii. -
OF CoUEsE.-"You went to the
spook seance last night, didn't you,
Squildig?"
81 did, McSwilligen."
''How was it?''
Just medium
DIFFERENT. - "What are your
charges, Doctor?'
''Three dollars VISIT
well, We don't want you to come on
visit, but just to stay ten or fifteen
minutes"
''MISS FLYTE, do you think Miss
GIggle is laughing at me?"
Il can't say, Mr.. Softieigh. She
often laughs at almost nothing"
a wonderful photograph of an Arctic |
mirage has just been received in San |
Francisco from Prof. Richard d. Will |
lOughby, the pioneer miner scientist of |
Alaska. 1t was taken at Glacier Bay |
and represents mysterious aerial city |
The view is apparently taken from some |
spot on a hill. In the foreground is a |
graveled walk. a stone fence, a rustic |