The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-03-28
NEWSPAPER HUMoR.

Written With q Six Dollar Pair Of Shears
By their fruit you shall know them; ;
ard, therefore, the almanac makers are
known by their dates.-BoSton Gazette.
An Easter servant has discovered that
the human body contains more bones
on Friday than any other day of the
week. Rochester Post ETpreSs.
That's fine wallet you have, Henry" "
Yes. Mwife gave IL to me for Christ
mas" "Indeed! ANYTHING in ilY'"Yes;
e,bill for the wallet. t."-Hdrper's Bdzdr.
THAT Campbell family are the very
scum of the earth" "But, Harry, they
move in the very highest circles, well, F,
isn't scum always found at the topF"-
Time.
do you find it hard to turn your
Jokes into poetry" she asked. Not so
very" replied Tubbs. "The hardest
things is to turn the poetry into money.
Time.
Hostess Il hope your are enjoying
your dinner, Mr.. Fowler. Guest-Ees,
indeed This country air has giving me
such an appetite that can eat most any.
thing. g.-ROstOn Beacon.
The ancents believed that the whole
earth was square, but up to the hour of
going to press we have not heard that
they expressed similar belief IN regard
to the inhabitants thereof. -NOrriStOtCn
Herald.
sis your mother making ice cream?'
inquired the man when Johnnie came
four times during the moning for ice.
No" chuckled little Johnnie; THE
old man was out late last night. "-NeiC
| York Sun.
English papers say that swallows are
getting scarce in England, but they do
not explain whether or not the decrease
in their number is to be attributed to
the operation of the new license law
Somerrille Journal.
An American volcano is reported to
have been found in Colorado. A vol.
cano is natural curiosity this country
has long lacked, though there is said to
he plenty of the ''crster" in Kentucky,
NorristotCn Herald.
Ethel, to her betrothed-Do learn to
skate, George. I'm sure you would look
lovely on ice. George, young and ris.
ing undertaker-Look lovely on ice,
would l? Thank you. no hurry about
it.-7eras Siftings.
Dumley-There comes Brown up the
the street. l owe that man grudge
and purpose to pay him with interest
ROhinson-Going to pay him now, Dunn
ley? Dumley-No, not now. Let's turn
down this way NelC York Sun.
Mr.. Blunderby, severely-Younp
Softy was on the loose last week. Mrs
B.-Dear me! How dreadful! Pool
Young fellow! Mr.. B.-And he got tight
agiiI. Ms. B., r, liev ed-Oh, I'm glad
ne got tight again. That's all right then
Fun,
1t is time for a revival of reading
writing and arithmetic in the public
schools. Clay modelling and music are
nice accomplishments, but the children
when grown cannot handle mud fol
their board nor sing for their supper
San Francisco Alta
First stage robber-What did you gel
yesterday, Jerry? Seconed robber-
Nothing. There wasn't nobody in tht
stage 'ceptin' a lawyer, two plumbers
and prima donna, an professiona
courtesy wouldn't allow me to touch
em of course -Ierre Hdute Express.
He, deparling-I hope, Miss Smith,
will be green in your memory, She
tenderly-Yes, Mr.. Grassley, and you
will be green in the memory of every
body who has known you. But don 7
be sad, Mr.. Grassley, you'll be ripe by
and by, may be,-Wdshington Post.
you know CholIy de Sappy, DOM
you, Mildred?7 asked the high school
girl's brother. Yes" replied the sister
well, he jumped town last night.
You mean, presume, that he leapeC
the municipality" observed Mildred
severely y.-Pittsburgh Chronicle Tele-
graph.
Tourist to stage driver in the Yellow
stone region-Are they any wonderful
curiosities to be seen in this region ,driv
er2 Stage ,driver-Wonderful curiosi
lies! Well, should say they were. Why,
you drop rock down that gorge, come
back in three day. and you can hear the
echo.-Des Moines Register.