Morning journal and courier., 1889-12-18
SIM

Thomas stSure, Biddy, tn mashter's not half as smart mon as we s,posed." Biddy -''How do you be knowinga" Thomas-"He can naither rade nor write blissid wor -rrd widout his glasses. ."-Epoch.
 One-lsgged Dorssy-"Say, you chump, wy don't ye pnt dat T am blind' sign on the front of yez, instead of your backs" Con- scientious Biggs-"'Coz de front side O me ain't blind. don't want t to git run in fer no false pretences. "-Terre Haute Express.
 Daughter, do wish you would learn to talk without using so many exolamatories. Everything you speak of is accompanied with 'Ohl' The idea Great goodness or something of that kind" "Why, goodness gracious, pa How can help it The idea {! We girls all talk that way. State Journal.
 Teaoher-''Tommy, do you think you can sir." Teacher-'Well, you may try" Tom- my Confidently tly)--"S-e-r-r-t-t-" Teacher Onterrupting)-'I'm afraid you can't spell it, Tommy" Tommy Gndignantly)-" can't you give a fellow ehowa Pm now half through yet. ."-Harper's Young People.
 A writer fin talk with "Business Boys,' J says .sThe boy who will succeed in the world is he who is content for time to do two dollars worth of work for dollar. ' This is 80. The boy who performs two dollars' worth of work at circus for 25 cent pass to the show, may be found 8 few years later driving four horses attached ts the lion cage.-Norristown Herald
 "Did you win your suita" .I did" "Easi honest man in the world. The day before the decision wrote him few lines begging him to accept check for 500 francs which I enclosed" "But it seems to me this was o Vxhf oh frht huu nm oase.n "Quite so! Only I took care to sign my adversary's name to the check. ."-Le Fig. arc.
 A cook who had burned up piece of veal weighing four pounds threw 1t away, and af- terwards explained to her mistress that the cat had eaten the meat. "Very well :" said the lady, five will sec that directly" So saying, she took the cs5, put it on the scales and found that it weighed exactly four pounds. ''There, Fredericke," she said, ''are the four pounds of meat-but where is the cata'-Kolner Tageblatt.
 The recter's wife (returning from church, -"How is it that you were not in church this morning, Brown2" Brown (who holds the office of pew opener and postman)-"If you please, marnn, the mail was two hours late" The recter-"We must not find faul, with Brown, my dear. He has been doing his duty while we were doing ours; while we have been listening to the gospel he has been attending to the epistles. ."-Pick Me Up.
 Inconspicuous-Rura Ministsr-"None of the brothers whose duty it is to pass the plate are here today. Would you object to taking up the collectionF' Modest Wor. shipper-'T never passed the plate in church in my life, and I'm afraid I'd be rather awk- ward" aOh, never mind about that. It won't be noticed. Most of my congregation become absorbed in their hymn books about the time the plate goes round. ."-New York Weekly.
 Thirst for knowledge: City belle-"I hops your stay in our city will not be short, MT De Science" Mr.De Science (member of tho American Ornithologists' union)-"ThanA you, but my sojourn must he brief. an here attending the Ornithologieal convention at the Museum of Natural History, and tht a convention did you sayw "Ornithologica about birds, you know" ooh, yes, yes How stupid of mel Do you think they vii be worn much next sessonp-Nsw Yorl Weekly.
 Old Martin -, colonel of the -th caval ", was martinet In all save his own habits On one occasion tho regiment was about tt start on long march through Texas and or ders were given that baggage should be ra duced to the minimum. Lieutenant B. had just received from his father small bo, | timidly asked the colonel if he might not tax l it along. "Good gad No, sir! Couldn't hes | of such thing, sirl" "I'm very sorry. colo nel; it will be very dull out there withou any reading. My father sent me barrel Q l whiskey, too, but of course I couldn't talk l that" "Good gad Sir! Of course you can l sir! Anything in reason, sir!"-Time.