Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1889-01-29
a WONDERFUL DISCOVERY.
To the Editor Of the gosraal.

To the Editor Of the yosraals
/ give you the following reason why have
become philAnthropist- Every man owes a
debt, larger or smaller, to thi. great rouni
ball on which ve live Although dattene.i
at its pole. ii may be, or swollen at the i'm
zginzry line said 10 pass around its centre
and possibly having a Eetne.s entering into
its composition rather too nGmsroa. for IN
aiulterzted piszsure-still, having been
placed here By freak of nature CT other
wise. ve should use all honest means To ligui-
date the claim against Us, if it taxes a lover
extremity Acknowledging a, once our in
capacity 70 perform the herois deed. that
have made some few men famous, we still
lay claim with nine hundred and ninety nine
out of every one thousand 10 4 disinterestel.
philznthropic, good Samaritan streak Of fat
and lean which exists, 70 a great extent, in
the mind Of nearly ever person with whom
have come in contact during my some " hat
diyersised career.
Individually zm of al exceedingly pro-
gressive and. may say, inventive turn of
mind. Ny whole life has been devoted to
promoting the happiness Of oshers- and my
own-and so far successful have | been that
ike maay Democratic candidates in the
cent election, know Of localities where the
appreciAtive capacity was very scarce and
couldn't spin thread. Still patience, per
severance and indomit4ble pluck have
moved mountains in the past and the future
shall reveal 20 the gaping and eIpectant
multitude phenomena as great
There are people who form new and good
resolutions al least once year. There are
people that drop some bad habit on January
FIRST just as regularly as January nrst come.
around Oftentimes the habit discarded is
not the worst on the list, owing 10 an adhe-
siveness peculiar to baf habits Those that
discard the most old speeialties have, within
my observation, been so unfortunate a. To
find an ample supply of new ones, and take
the years together their budget Of eccentrici-
ties is like the Irishman's plank-"As broad
as she we're narrer" But, Mr.. Editor, | am
not my brothers keeper. nor M sisters, nor
my aunt. or cousins As far as that goes
everyone must be his own Judge OF that
which is best for him or her,
As for me- being warned by the rapid &C
cumulation Of silyery locks among the once
raven tresses that time is growing short, and
forewarned by the visible dissolution Of once
desirable raiment with a stylish appendix
that the end is not far distant, have solemn
y dedicated my remaining days to the good
of mankind generally and have decided my
personal property 10 my wife
SO early as the last celebration of the indie
pendent annual destructian of rre crackers
and other property took active measures 10
inform myself, fully, regarding the different
and most approved methods adopted by eI-
perts to enhance the happiness of their fell
low man, and at the same time free from
thorns the pathway down which Benevolence
carefully selects the best footing My re-
searches were rewarded far beyond my most
sanguine expectations. | discovered large
hearts and other swollen internal mechan-
isms lurking behind clothing that was scarce
worth mentioning and nothingness where least
expected. | said to myself the battle Is not
always 10 the strong or the race to those that
get there first, but the.world's homage is due
To him who devotes his life to relieving the
sufferngs of his fellow man and laying up
treasures where they will pay good rate of
interest
Tears of admiration leaked copously from
my dimming eyes as perused the local paper
and found that old Deacon Smithers of Pota-
toborough, offered for the benefit of the dis
tressed and a ten cent piece to send recipe
whereby the intirmities of age could be re-
duced to a minimum and growing old become
a pleasure the half of which has not been
told
Nv bosom relied with pride as the words
of a full. blood Boston burned into my very
soul with bold, black type, which carried
conviction with every hieroglyphic, the fact
that Capt. J. 7. z, Wilson now for the first
time presented to the Western hemisphere in
exchange for nineteen tw0-cent stamps his
wonderful Malady Surpriser prepared by him
from formula copied from native records
during the twenty years captivity on an I'M
inhabited island in the South Pacific Ocean.
Great anxiety was displayed by numerous
/ advertiser at his own expense, TO shower
blessings innumerable in the form of a self
adjustable plaster warranted to migrate from
the small of the back To the left shoulder
blade and from thence AROUND under the left
ear and return, twice In twenty four hours
A sure cure for Indigestion and oorns.
These and other suggestions in July took
shape in August. became food for serious
reflection in the following months, and in
December a model was made and patent sp-
Piled for To-day | present for your es-
pecial approval, my great "killorkure.H
A sovereign remedy for all diseases of the
mind or body. 1t gives clothes to the naked
shoes to the barefoot, food to the hungry
drink to those that take something, decency
to blackguards and common sense to know
nothings.
All this | guarantee it TO do without a
shudder, beside killing sheep ticks on all
mankind at the second application. be-
lieve Eve struck il and that my name will
be handed down through coming generations
as public benefactor and dispenser of
good am now ready and willing to Dart
with a limited lumber of bottles, trial size
on r. ceipt of one dollar at doners risk Ito
help pay packing and postage and mix in
with the installments already overdue. on
our wife's three hundred AMI seventy-fve
dollar Alaska seal cloak of the very latest
PATTERN wll'send by fast express one full
bottle of our "Killorkure" together with
our elaborate State of Maine, emergency
corkscrew attachment, the convenience of
which is beyond estimation. nine chromos
printed in seventeen different languages and
a solid rolled gold watch, overstrung hinges,
chr onometer balance railway time keeper,
guaranteed to knock out more time in TWEEN
" four hours than any we'll regulated base
drum in America. To still further pave ny
way to fame shall for the next thirty days
furnis, every member of the present Legs
lature free upon application my corkscrew
attachment, if upon examination find his
intentions to be honorable. Office open one
hour before each meal Side door always
open. fonrs Tor health'
JAY Eff BEE.