The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-02-21
NEWSPAPER HumoR.
Written with Six Dollar Pair of shears.
Men of all types-Compositors. ~

Written With a Six Dollar Pair of shears.
Men of all types-Compositors.
Darkness that is felt-Derby hats.
Safety matches-Prudent marriages.
The new wine will not be knocked out
this Cincinnati Enquirer. y
The Chimpeysweep should gbe a-flue. ,
ent speaker Pittsburgh C1sromicle. 1
1t IS as much as aman,s-lfe is worth
to wear Panama hat in Paris now a.
days.
"Close the front door 30 as to keep out
drafts, said the bothered banker to his
cashier, 9NfE #Nl stF AEMt
1t is good man that can tell the age
OF a saw by looking at its teeth.-Ddns-
Uille Breeze. -.......
The slim courtier of young woman.
ike Dan Cupid's weapons, is beau and
narrow.
When public office holder comes to
feel that he is a big gun 1t is time for
MIN to be fired. M t..f gao. .tt .-
The young man who'forged his way
70 the front is now in the penitentiary.
The Cartoon
The churn must 60" says an agrl-
cultural exchange. or course 1t must,
IN order that tue butter may come.
BE sunny, girls, be sunny" says Ella
Wheeler Wilcox. We don't see how
they can, but still they daughters be.
We see that they have succeeded in
photographing a yellow-fever germ.
1t is to be hoped that it looked pleasant.
1t is not followed that an aged man
will be silly il he should happen to live
to a green old age.-NeII Orleans
Picdyune. ..........
Artificial eggs are manufactured in
Pennsylvania town. The inventor
probably wanted to help the hens bear
their yoke. Pow.
Perhaps the most potential letter of
the alphabet is n because il can make
man of Ma.-BinghGmton Republican,.
No one has ever yet been able to ex.
plain why kiss is such pleasant thing,
but the subject is being CONSTANTLY in
vestigated.
Ladies may not know how to sharpen
lead pencil, but they have a wonder
tul knack of bringing to the point the
fellows who can. -l-
The Mare Island Navy Yard is to be
put in commission for repairing steel
ships. 1t will be good place for drill
ing horse marines.
A map that marries widow is bound
to give up smoking and chewing. II
she gives up her weeds for him, he
should give up the weed for her.
1t is said that one of The New York's
doodle aldermen" gave his barber $15
tor New Years. 1t was probably "hush
money ,"-I Iionkers Statesman .r
Stacks of perishable poetry, of which
snow is the subject or an important
trimming, are now lodged high and dry
awaiting fall,-Philddelphid Ledger.
| 1t is not always the man who looks
the wisest who knows the most, but
most people don't know this, so that it
will pay you to look just as wise as you
possibly can.
| What is the difference between a
grand and comic opera? At comic opera
you ought to laugh, but can't; at grand
opera you must not laugh, but want to.
San Francisco Wasp
An EDITORS wife never goes through
her husbands other trousers pockets to
strike package of love letters. Editors
are not like the wicked, unfaithful men
of the world-edtiors rarely have the
other trousers. .., ..
"Mr. Browne" said the mIlkman,
''you sent me the wrong check. This is
drawn 10 the order of the board of wa.
ter commissioners" "Why, so it is,"
replied Mr. Browne, and then he added
Natural mistate, though, Mr.. Pump
very" -r .
Literary aspirant Were you able to
use my poem, sir ? Yes, sir. Literary
aspirant 20, am delighted to know it.
When did 1t appear? Editor 1T didn't
appear-it disappeared. I used it to
light cigar Burlington Free Press.
In New York newspaper office. As
sistant Edtor-Here's a special that
Lord Culilegh will sail for America
Saturday. Managing editor-Wire the
London Office to interview him at once
on his impressions of America -Terre
Hdute Express. ...