davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
A Joke on the Minister.

Ministers, as a rule, are as fond of
a good joke as other people, no matter
whether they are the joker or the victim.
One evening when Mrs. Van Cott was
holding revival meetings in st. Paul, O
party of ministers, including Rev. DIR.
Dewart, of the Bates avenue church,
were present, and, in response to a re-
quest by Mrs. Van Cott gave experience
talks" The Bates avenue minister was
the only one who failed to respond, and
was made the subject of remarks from
the pulpit, the lady not knowing that
DIR. Dewart was also minister. Finally
she came down from the pulpit and,
standing directly over him, said: "Young
man, unless you repent of your sins and
walk in the narrow path, your soul viii
be forever lost" Seeing that she was
laboring under a misrepresentation, the
reverend gentleman good naturedly lis
tened to the exhortations, while his min
isterial brethren were almost forced to
laugh outright. Noticing the broad
smiles, Mrs. Van Cott suspected the
truth and returned to the pulpit. After
the services good laugh was indulged
in.-St. Paul Pioneer Press.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

Much has been said about the adapta-
tions in nature to the wants. of mankind.
Another point of view shows the same
facts as evidence that man has adapted
himself to varying conditions of life.
An exception to what is looked upon
as a general law is found in the distribu-
ton of fish. 1t is observed that in the
warm waters of the Nile, for instance,
fish of many kinds abound, but they are
all of poor quality. The same could be
said of the fish in all warm waters.
Very few varieties are fit for the table.
Now it happens to be the case that in
hot climates the lighter articles of food
are most in request. The system does
not need in the tropics the meats which
are SO largely consumed in the colder
region. The sending of fish from Nor
way to the countries about the Mediter-
ranean is one of the Oldest branches of
trade in the history of commerce.
Where the fish was of good quality
the population was scanty, and, on the
other hand, where the population was
numerous the fish was poor. Is it not a
reasonable inference that both man and
fish have sought the portions of the globe
where the conditions of life were most
favorable to them respectively?-Y Youths
Companion.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
euRpETTE,s PHILOSOPHY.
HAS TO BE HEMMEp IN.


1t has become necessary to enact law
restricting the height of buildings in
Chicago. That's just like Chicago. Has
an eternity of prairie all around her,
upon which she can build houses forty
five horizontal stories high, and still she
wants to run her residences straight up
in the air as high as people can breathe.
Next thing you hear from the city by
the lake they will be constructing cellars
five stories deep, with basement.
IT ISN'T DoCHITY, NEITHER.
Herbert Spencer says; "Wildness is
not viciousness." No; so it isn't. But
when it comes to riding vicious bronco
that has been in the cattle business
eleven years, and saddling zebra who
never before looked into the face of man,
a fellow might just as well shut his eyes
and sky a copper for his choice. A
vicious dog isn't much worse than a wild
grizzly.
THEY HAVE TO BE PRETTY WELL UP.
"Why are the stars hung SO highF'
asked Rollo, looking out of the window
upon the star gemmed canopy of heaven.
80 that the class 49," said his Uncle
George, who graduated in '78, "can walk
around at night without knocking of
its hats" And Rollo was lost in the con-
temnlation of. the wisdom that. in tram
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
STRANGE STORIES.

A prisoner in a Kentucky Jail at
tempted TO commit suicide by eating two
dozen pads of blotting paper.
They have discovered man in New
York who has been married forty times
His excuse was that he wanted to make
as many women happy as possible.
An Australian who was hanging to the
beam of bridge and realized that he
must fall, made verbal will disposing
of $4,000 worth of property, which was
sustained by the courts.
Marion Subler, who lives near Gin
cinnati, when he went 10 clean his teeth
the other night, picked up bottle filled
with some kind of acid, thinking it was
a tooth wash, and since then he has been
going around town with a set Of green
teeth.
Charles Cossack, a Pole, of Plymouth,
Pa, having been teased by boys, went
into an old mine to hide from them and
lost his way. For three days he wan
dered in the dark. the oil Of his lamp
having given out. and two days ago,
after thirty men had vainly sought him,
he chanced 70 lind an exit
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
The Umbrella.

Sattara assumed the title of Ch'hatra-
patti, or lord of the umbrella, and it is
by no means impossible that the word
satrapes, used by Herodotus for Persian
governors of Asiatic provinces, origin
ated in this way. Examples of umbrel-
las have been found ON the monuments
of Egypt as well as on those of PersepO-
lis; their construction differs little from
those now in use, and they are almost
invariably associated with persons of ex-
alted rank. 1t is not too much to say
that throughout the east the umbrella
was everywhere regarded as the emblem
of dominion and sovereignty. This was
doubtless due to its close association with
various solemn religious festivals and
observances, notably those connected
with the worship of Bacchus; and this
connection points toa direct relationship
with the mysteries of sun and nature
worship.-Gentleman's Magazine.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

gated to watch everybody and be ready
TO jump, found young man loading a
revolver just before noon, and he walked
up TO him and said
"Ben Calvert, you hand that yere over
to me chuck a quickr'
"Cause why2"
"Cause it might go off by accident,
and if it did it would be my bounded
duty to riddle you"
"Tll abide" said Ben, as he passed it
over, "but / want it when camp breaks
up. That youngest Taylor boy is dGing
heap o braggin', an mebbe I'll hev to
drop he'un down peg after the meetin'
is out"
The day passed off without the slight
est trouble, and those who anticipated
any at the breaking up were disappointed.
Every seemed content and happy,
and when we got back to town the old
man Harper shook hands and confden.
TALLY observed:
"Say, stranger, wasn't it beau-tifulf
Jist think of it--not single pusson
killed. The last one we had up there
turned out two cart loads of killed and
wounded, and it wasn't big crowd,
either. Quod in Detroit Free Press.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
A Coffin Pedder.

A new occupation is followed by man
named Boxem Brown, who travels
around New Mexico, peddling coffins
In wagon drawn by mules he carries
about twenty cheap coffins of assorted
sizes. He goes through the country after
the fashion of other peddlers, calling at
each house, and asking in matter of
fact way if anything in his line is wanted.
1t is not often that he sells a coffin for
immediate use, but when family con-
tains an elderly person, or an invalid, or
large number of children, he generally
suggests the providing against all con-
tingencies, and the persons addressed are
usually quick to see the point,-Boston
Budget.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
pyspepala and Liver compIalnt.

Is it not worth the small price of rs cents
to free yourself of every symptom of these
distressing complaints, if you think so call
at our store and get a bottle of Shiloh's
Vitalizer. Every bottle has printed guar
antee on it. Use accordingly, and if it does
you no good il will cost younothing. Sold
by 7. d. Thomas, Lehighton, w. Biery
Weissport.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
100 Ladies' Wanted.

And 100 men to call at druggists for
free package of Lanes Family Medicic
the great root and herb remedy, discover :
by DIR Silas Lane while in the Rocky madi,
tanins. For diseases of the blood, liver and
kidneys it is a positive cure. For constipat
ton and clearing up the complexion it does
wonders Children like it. Everyone
praises it. Large-size package, so cents
At all druggists
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
EPOCII,

The transition from long, lingering and pain
iul sickness TO robust health marks an epoch in
the lie OF the individual. Such remarkable
event Is treasured in the memory and agency
whereby the good health has been attained Is
gratefully blessed. Hence 10 Is that so much Is
heard In praise of Eletrlc Btters. So many feel
they owe their restoration 10 health TO the use OF
the Great Alternative and Tonic. II you are
troubled with any disease OF Kidneys, Liver or
stomach. or long or short standing YOU will sure
~ find relief by use OF Electric Bitters Sold az
SOC. and 81 per bottle at REFERS Drugstore
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
Or. KUnnody'S FaVOrite Remedy
Few women stutter.
Dressed hens look chic.
"A lion lives twenty years.
Late .habits-Night gowns.
Garter snakes are harmless.
"A head gardener-The barber.
Charlie Ross was lost in 1874.
Moss green is going out of favor.
is CONSUMPTION INOURABLEq

Read the following: Mr.. c. H. Morris,
Newark, Ark, says: Was down with aba
cess of lungs, and friends and physicins
pronounced me an incurable cousumptio
Began taking DIR. Kings Discovery for'cos
sumption, am now on my third bottle, hav
able to oversee the work of my farm. 1t |
the finest medicine yeer made.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
FoR TIE GOOD OF OTHERS.

want to make known the fact that
suffered from Bladder and Kidney trouble,
and that Twas curedby DIR. David Kennedy's
Fayorite Remedy-made at Rondout, N. Y,
-and look forward to spending the balance
of my life free from torture and with heart
grateful for the medicine which affords me
so pleasant a prospect.-Rev. s. G. Chandler,
Lebanon Springs, n, Y.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
shiloh's Consumption Cure.

No. l. This is beyond question the most
successful Cough Medicine we have ever
sold, u few doses invariably cures the worst
cases of Cough, Group, and Bronchitis, while
it's wonderful success in the cure of Con-
sumption is without parallel in the history
of medicine. Since it's first discovery It
has been sold on guarantee, a test which
no other medicine can stand. II you have
a Cough we earnestly ask you to try il.
Price 10 cents, 80 cents, and 81, If your
lungs are sore, Chest or Back lame, use
Shiloh's Porous Plasters. Sold by T. ID.
Thomas, Lehighton, & W. Biery Weissport.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

If all the. telephone wires in this coun-
try were stretched in continuous line
they would reach seven times around the
earth and some day the telephone COM
pany will fix them that way with conven-
lent handle for carrying attached.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
LApIEs WHO pLoAr.

What great number there are; how un-
comfortable it makes them; it is almost inn
possible for those afflicted to enjoy life. In
my private practice | have always found
sulphur Bitters to be the best remedy. All
who are thus troubled should,use it.
Mrs. DIR. CHILDs, Boston.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

"A waggish foreman ON being asked BY
afriend who was goingt 10 Oklahoma a. to
the outfit required, was thus adYised Take
money enough to take you there one pigtol
some whisky another pistol more whisky
a long box, money enough 10 bring you
back In the box''
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

Words of wait-"Bring the bill next
seek"
-He-What are you thinking of darl-
ingP Shell was wondering if 1 should
look well in bridal dress. I've never had
a chance to see, you know.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

A writer says that few cloves dropped
into mucilage will prevent it from turn
ing sour. Good gracious! we don't care
toeat mucilage. What the average store
mucilage needs is something to drop into
1t that will make it stick. Besides, cloves
are too precious to waste in paste.--Bur-
dette in Brooklyn Eagle.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
Didn't Want the Earth.

Subscriber at the Telephone-Hello,
centrali
Central-Hellol
Subscriber-Give me the First National
bank.
Central-Anything elsei-Philadelphia
Press.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
Inhn Knew the Score.

Clerk-Mr Daybook, / would like
leave of absence this afternoon to attend
the funeral of cousin.
Mr.. Daybook- next morning)-What
was the score, JohnY-New York Sun.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
eRIEFs.

The rains Of winter scourged the weald---
For days they darlzened on the field;
Now, where the wings Of winter beat,
The peoples ripple in the wheat
And pitiess griefs came thick and fast
Life's bough was naked In the blast
Till silently amid the gloom
They blew the wintry heart TO bloom.
Charles Edward Markham in Scribrar.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

Rupture cure guaranteed by Dr. j. B.erroay
s3i Arch Street, Phila. Ease at once, no Mepa
ton or orbusiness delay. Thousands cured. Send
Tor circulars. 42-1y
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

Ribbons are more used this yeal than
ever before.
There is now no hustle about the girl
of the period, andsyet she is as noisy .as
auar
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

Among flower pins the pansy is still
first faYorite.
None but thorough bass vocalist will
utter forged notes.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

-Frosts are generally dew before they
come.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
Single Copies S Cents
ANOTHER LONG FELT WANT.

ing the universe, made ample provision
for the comfort Of $50 and the safety of
the atara
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
MANSION HOUSE

opposite L. S s. Depot,
BANK STREET, LEHIGHTON,
G. II, HON, PROPRIETOR.
rhis house offers frst-class accommodations for
transient and permanent bOarders. 1t has been
newly rehttedin all its departments, and is lOcat-
ed in one of the most picturesque portions of the
borough. Terms moderate ~ The b r. is
supplied with the choicest Wines, Liquors and
Cigars. Fresh Lager on Tap. apr 17-y1
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

--Fringes are used in various ways more
than in some years.
"A lawyer is never so blind but he can
cite authorities.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
PACKERTON HOTEL,
lIidu,a. hatyvaan Nfauph Chunk a. L ahi0htOn

Midway between Mauch Chunk & Lehighton,
Z.H. G. HON, Proprietor.
PACKERTON, PENNA.
This ell-known Hotel is admirably refltted, and
has the best accommodations for permanent and
transient boarders. Excellent Tables and the
5ery best Liquors. Stables attached. ian5-y
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
Our Churches.
SOMETHING new SssEn nys. s#E S$s 1.$2 s$$

ola CLOTHES LINE that requires NO CLOTHES
PINS. Every hOusekeeper, laundress and Store
keeper wants Il. sample sent by man, 9 leet iof
B cts, u feet for go cts. FIRsrCI.Ass AGENTS.
WANTED FOR THIS COUNTY. Address, NOh-
MAN A. BOND 4 CO., Manufacturing Agen
Philadelphia, Pa, NOck Box $751; ly2l''3 .
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

Mrs. Harrison is friendly to afternoon
teas.
Hush money-The wages Of tue baby's
nurse.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27
FRANK p. DIEHL,

NORTH SrREET,-
"a Practical Blacksmith& Horseshoer
NA1 is prepared to do al work in his line
HSsA- in the best manner and at the lowest
prices, Please call. nOy26-S6-1y.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-07-27

10 look at her as she sat by his side read
ing. He liked to hear the tone of her
voice and smell the perfume of the vio-
lets she always wore, and after a while
her daily visit was what he lived for and
looked forward to. When it grew
warmer he began to sit up by the win
dow in an easy chair she had sent from
her own home, and she would come and
sit ON a stool at his feet and talk with
him about herself and her daily life until
she made him her abject slave and he
loved her with love that only such
people have who have never loved before
She was the light of his life and he
faraot that he was poor. and homely, a
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-03-07
THE PURITY OF THE BALLOT.

President Harrison's remark that ''the man who has come to regard the bal lot box as juggler's hat has renounced his allegiance" was probably meant for a joke. If it was intended to con vey the idea that the speaker was really in favor of pure and unpurchased bal lot there must have been a snicker from the man on whose pocketbook "the boys wanted to draw as though it was the treasury surplus" from the individual paid for his cabinet portfolio by $4O0,- 900 campaign contribution, and from that other character whose ingenuity ill dividing the f1oaters into blocks of fire' has made 1t convenient for him to go out like Ishmael a wanderer from his haunts in Indiana and New York. And Quay and Elkins and Blaine-these chaps must have 'grinned right out in meetin'."
 The grandson of his grandfather had never been suspected of being funny, but it must be admitted after reading his inaugural address that there is quaint vein of humor in his composition. No one but ,humorist could have penned some of its sentences. For in stance, the expression that honorable party service will certainly not be esteemed a disqualification for public office" President Harrison must have had one eye on the mugwumps and the other on Ingalls when he penned that choice mot. And if ''retrospect is to be a safer basis of judgment than promises the mugwumps can keep both eyes on Harrison, for they will need the eyes of Argus and telescopes on every one of them if they can find any thing in the retrospect in 1892 to en- courage their pet hobby of civil service reform.
 But if ''the man who has come to re gard the ballot box as a juggler's hat has renounced his allegiance, there must have been some tall renouncing in the republican ranks last fall. The whole sale purchase of voters in New York state, Indiana and Connecti- cut was what elected President Harrison, and he must be a stiff-necked pharsee if he fails to understand it. The "juggler's hat was held by Quay and Dudley and their gang, and the hat turued out gold faster than any presti- digitateur ever worked his tricks before the eyes of a wondering audience. It would be cold day for Harrison if the ..iu0ular'S bat'' had been called in And nobody knows that better than himself.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-03-07
A Snd State of \ fairs,

An evil which threatens women is the bad literature of the day. Ninety-n novels out of hundred are injurious. A woman should never read fictitious story which misrepresents life; she should beware of the sensational book and any book that influences the mind by it's passion. Obscene pictures which are passing through our postoffices every day should be mathematical in every possible way. am sometimes tempted to believe that amateur photography is a curse.
 In modern society one-half of the so- ciety men are wondering how in the world they can get the wives of the other half. This may bring smiles to some faces, but it will bring tears to the eyes of others in this city. Clubs and hotels are becoming dens of corruption. l know man in New Haven whose hand one-half the people of this city would be proud to grasp. Yet know that this man has two families living in different parts of this country. There may be others of the same sort whom do not know.-Rev. A. w. Wheeler, of New Haven
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-03-07
1xtc Castlcton nt Home.

One would not think tt pr''i,ali!e, after witnessing pretty Kate tast!eton dance about the stage. kick un hCl i."rls and smile in such s:,ut.Y way, t;", fer pet hobby is to arise iii ;,,' il,ri...i; ;.i hel charming home, Cas', ;"a r:;.:rs neal Oakland, Cal. coos i.ia .,i,;>..:-,.i end then tramp all uvcl t,~ h..,.'- i ,'';e does. After Cres.s:;:.l | s!i,' r.. .*'cr in tho stables to see s;:, !i,t | :. are being properly fed an. s',sr,'G fer ...ran, ders around 10 th" t},'Gl:t'ry tn trcii ;Ae poultry, then to I.le garden to Water t.e flowers, and last, l:lit i!ot least. to the kennels, where she !:;.:S tic finest selcc- tion of dogs on the Pacific coast. In fact, there are very few kennels in the world that can equal it, every one of the dogs being a prize winner.
 She frequently spends hours in their company, and it. reali.; seems as though they expected her visits :s q part of their daily routine. Big Ned, the dog for whom she would not take d fortune, once saved her life. She was taking her morn ing canter one summer two years ago, and was about to alight from the horse, when her dress caught in the saddle. The horse became frightened, gave a sudden start and dragged the fair actress along the ground. Big Ned jumped to the rescue, seized the bridle rein and held the animal still until she was res. cued from her perilous position. Nothing is too good for Ned. Miss Castleton is also great lover of old bric-a-brac. and her summer home is filled with rare and costly specimens Chicago Herald.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-03-07
LIGHT AND AIRY.
4 Great Scholars Fate.

\ Great Scholars Fate. He'd studied every lexicon. from Portuguese to Mexican, A polyglot mosaic was his speech, And his vocabulary to Tom and Dick and Harry Was very altitudinous and way beyond their reach. He could barley with Guinean, Turk or Abys sinian
 dahar, With modern Patagonan, an ancient Babylo nian, Or the men of Athabasca Borrioboola Cha. He could talk with cold Alaskans with tropic Madagascans, Could dialogue with Greek or Jew-and Rus sian was his pride: But he read a fashion coltlnln." and it made him very solemn, And he struggled with the loclaw, and crsiwied away and died Yankee Blade.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-03-07
THE Eccentric and Stationary Engin-

THE Eccentric and Stationary Engin- eers' association of New York has filed a protest against permitting jobbing con- tractors to hire incompetent or unli- censed engineers to take charge of the steam power boilers and heating appa- ratus in factories, flats, office Buildings and school houses. The way in which life and property are endangered by these contractors is pointed out and the authorities are asked to enforce the laws providing for the examination of engin- eers and the testing of boilers. It is believed the boiler inspectors will take some action on the matter, for there is little question of the justice of the pro- test. Incompetent engineers should find no employment anywhere.