Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-08-07
SUMNER READING.

U6LC6T
say grace over again." Husband
"Why?" Because the soup isn't cool
yet."-Teras SJti,egs.
These spreeing mortals often find
In painting objects red;
They often come out way behind
Because they got ahead
philadelphia Express
A F1NANcIER-"Dor 1 think you
are dreadfully extravagant to buy all
those things" "But, my dear Rufus, l
had them charged"
THE grass is green upon the lawn,
And June her sunny forces muSters;
And overcoats are put in pawn,
AND taken out are linen busters.
NEWLY ARRIVED SPIRIT-"So you're
the defunct Fahrenheit, are your
Fahrenheit's shaded am" 'tWelI, is
it hot enough for you"
IN A WESTERN Observation-Disclosures
witch unsealed letter)--"Clerk, have
you any gum ?" Clerk-"No, | amt got
no gum. Give yer chaw terbacker."
A WRITER who, when young, was very green,
In time grew blue as years passed DER his
You ask what caused this transformation scene?
The man grew blue because he was not read.
DoCToR: "One girl" Young father:
well !" Doctor: "One boy" Young
father: "Well +" Doctor: "sNother
girl" "Young father: "H-l!!p'-
Epoch.
SEVEN young ladies have secured the
degree of Bachelor of Arts this season.
Several Of item, it is surmised, will Sc
cure the bachelor later on.-PhiIadet-
phia Ledger.
MRS. STRUCKITT who recently enter
tanned count)-"Have you ever mad
any foreign noblemen as guests?" Mrs.
Manorborn (quietly)-'No; only as SER
wants. "-Puck.
A MICHIGAN man bought pair of cor
sets at an auction because they were so
cheap, and then got married so as to
have somebody TO give them to.-Bur-
lington Free Press.
DIDN'T WANT THE EARTH Subscriber
at the elephone-"Hello, Central !'
Central-"Hello !" Subscriber-"Give
me the First National Bank" Central
-''Anything else Philadelphia Press.
On dead pull, being put in harness,
one of Barnum's elephants lately drew
load weighing over four tons. If
coal dealer had him he could be made
to draw six tons of coal---DetroI Free
Press.
MAMMA-"Are you warm. Bobby
Bobby lin bed(-'.Yes, mamma, as
warm as toast" "Why, no, you're
not. You are as cold as you can be-"
for supper" Time.
"HURRY to the door, Mary, and let
Mr.. Smith in. He has rung twice"
''That isn't Mr.. Smith; it is the other
young gentleman" "Well, wait min
ute, then. I must change the photo
graphs on the Ilantel."
PRooF-READER-"See here, you've set
up the population of this city 10000, 900
instead of 100000" Tramp Printer
(from the West)-"Huh! You Eastern
folks is almighty particular, seems to
me. "-NeU York Weekly.
STRANGE SOUNDS IN THE ADIRoNDACKs.
Miss Boston, Papa, l find our profess
sor Of pathology very interesting" Mr..
Boston-.'Our what ?'' Miss Boston
"Our professor of pathoiogy-our guide,
you ."-New York Sam
FIRST GAM1N-''Say, I'll bet a nickel
I've got more moneyin my pockets than
you have" Second Gamin-"Go yer
once" After money is put up; First
Gamin-"How much money have you
got in my pocket Prime.
Mrs. BROWN Cat Mrs. Smiths teal
ooh, dear, that dreadful Miss Smith is
singing again. I wonder who started
herr" Tom Brown (age % dropped
nickel down her back when she
wasn't looking. "-Munsey's Weekly.
Mrs. FLIPPERMoRE Ito country watch
maker who knows but little about
gems)-''Mr. Fixom, have.a very fine
have it set?" Mr.. Fixom-"I would fix
it on little mouse. "-Jeueler's Weekly.
FREEsPEECH: 81 see DIR. Loudly's
church has given him a three months
vacation" Fogg: "Why, does he need
so long a rest ?" Freespeech: "No-
but if you had ever heard him, you'd
know his congregation does. Epoch.
KENTUcKIAN-"Sir, / come of heroic
stock. My 1ather, grandfather and
great-grandfather all died with their
boots on" Octogenarian hangman, at
the other end of the bar-"Fact sir, I
hung 'em myself" Philadelphia Inq4ir-
er.
REHEARsING FOR CHARADEs.-F Freddy
"Now, Charlie, you must propose to An
geline lin her sixth season., and, Angie,
you must refuse hin. 1t shall be Par
adise Lost See ?" Charles Thought
lessly)-''They'n never guess it in the
world"
Rev. LoNGGRAcE Cat the table, dis
coursingly)-"The ancients were very
lOuO VI IOW1S. Lie CUStOuu WAS 10 CdtCu
them at sunset" Johnny docking up
from tough drumstick )-"Not all of
'em wuz caught. Mr.. Preacher. This is
one wot got ay."-Drake's Magazine.
Mrs. HoULIHAN-"Ted have yez
got any change about yez tonight"
Mr.. HouliLan-"Yis, clost upon dol
lar, Oi guess, Mary" Mrs. Houlihan-
well, kape it until the McGonigles
come round. DILL show those Rourkes
across the way that they amt the only
wang in the block who can rush the
GROWER six times av an evenin' !"
"Now, grandpa" said a little Chicago
5-year-old, as she entered her grand
fathers study, ''if you are not too busy
we'll play school awhile" ''All right,
my child" said the professor, good
humoredly, Il am ready. Where are
your books?" THAT is for you to say
said the little one severely. "I'm GO
ing to be the teacher" The professor
collapsed Chicago Tribune.
PRAcr1cAL COOKING ScHooL.-Young
Husband-"So you want cook. I
thought you attended cooking school
before I married you ?" Young Wife
.sN0 did h1,f of,1IinG