The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1889-01-23
WORKING ON THE INAUGURAL.
The General and His Private Secretary,
'Lige," Combine Their Forces.

slippers OF coonskin sent to him by the
Coon association of Buncombe county,
North Carolina; his stockings were OF
homespun wool knit by the Harrison and
Morton Dorcas society of East Bridge
water, Mass a gold penholder, the gift of
his admirers in No Mans Land, was in
rest behind his right ear. From the yard
came from time to time the growl of the
bulldog, the scream of the presentation
parrot, and the recitative of the guinea
hens, prairie dogs, coons, Angora cats, and
other cherished tributes that he had re-
ceived from his admirers.
'Lige," said the general, 81 want to get
your judgment on some of the descriptive
parts. l mean to make this inaugural my
mdgnun opus"
Precisely, general. Let's make it a
corker."
''Mr. Halford," continued the general
in dry and frigid tone, 81 cannot con-
ceive how an ex-president of a Sunday
school association can employ language
which, however, expressive, belongs to
the category of slang. Maintain an in
augural tone, II you please. l will now
begin"
MAY I ask if it is long," queried the
private secretary meekly. "YOu remem-
Der / have to see Zimmerman the carpen-
ter about the plans for the stOrehOuse for
your presents, and | have an appointment
with Harry New at to look at a Lord
Chumley overcoat which has been sent
on from New York"
'Trifies. Elijah, trifesl" So saying, the
general took bulky manuscript from his
desk
The private secretary deity dropped a
hoarhound troche into his mouth, sighed,
fixed his eyes upon fly on the pier glass,
and looked solemn.
II begin" said the general, with some
remarks in a centennial vein:
Standing at the bright portal of another cen
fury of national splendOr and success, and
looking back with glistening, but rejoicing
eyes, upon the wonderous panorama of pros
perity, of heaven-grazing oaks, sprung from the
acorns of hundred years ago, of fields now
white with richest harvests-"
Pardon me, but in March they will
probably be white with snow"
The general did not hear, but went on.
which, within the memory of men now
living, were shrouded in the gloom of primeval
forests, the home of bloodthirsty savages-
looking back, / say"
At that moment the private secretary
really looked through the window behind
him into the back ward. "Great goodness"
he cried, "Bose is chewing up the coonW
"Don't stop him. l wish the whole
menagererie could be destroyed"
Looking back, say, upon that proud past
and forward to that prouder future what patri-
otto heart does not throb with gratitude, with
Joy, and with hope"
"What do you think of that, 'Lige?"
The private secretary softly whistled
"Sweet Violets."
perhaps it is too fowery."
"If | might make a suggestion" said
the secretary, 81 would treat that passage
as Delilah treated Simpsons haircut it
short"
'NIr. Halford," said the general, "scrip-
ture is never to be quoted with levity.
Perhaps my remarks on civil service re-
form may be more to your taste:
"a system of civil service reform which will
give satisfaction to everybody will undoubtedly
prove satisfactory to all, / unhesitatingly
declare myself in favor of such system"
The secretary whistled small bar of
"Over the Fence is Out"
YES" said the general, with one Of his
rare smiles, "when we get such system,
after the 4th of March will be out to our
democratic friends. | will now give you
the rough draft OF my views on appropri-
atoms for rivers and harbors:
"These veins and arteries of Interstate and
international commerce must not be permitted
to grow elOgged, congested and CONCEALED.
The Mississippi is the golden zone of the twin
empires OF the East and West. Shall we not
brighten and adorn it, keep it fresh and clean
and splendid"
The secretary's mobile lips puckered
into ''Shall We Gather at the River ?'
''Hurrah for the West Fork of White ~
81 appreciate your enthusiasm" said
the general. 81 will now, if you please,
submit to your consideration my remarks
on the Haytian revolution:
"The unfortunate difficulties between the
United States and her sister republic of Hayti
have been partially adjusted by the efforts of
Admiral Luce. Much, however, as it is per-
mitted to admire the diplomacy and the valor
of that lllustrious ancient mariner, there are
those among us who contend that cannon in
the hands OF men entirely great are less
destructive than champagne bottles"
ooh, How it SpaTkles, shot from Elijah's
lips like an adjective from Mrs. Rives-
Chambers literary catapult General, -
ne said, with all due Difference, [ would
propose a substitute for the Haytian
stuff"
"Stuff, sir?" Numbered the general. ris-
ing angrily from his armchair Stuff"
81 beg your pardon, general. 1t used
to be our newspaper term for copy from
any source, from Gladstone to Elliott f.
Shepard"
every well, sir, go on"
with due submission, why would not
a substitute answer your purpose? Why
stir up the wine question prematurely? /
propose this:
"The past, present, and future of Hayti seem
dark. None the less would l congratulate the
gallant Admiral Luce upon his triumphs on
the foam"
every well put, 'Lige. But do you call
it foam now? At the Miami university,
when l was a rollicking college lad, they
used to call it 'fzz.'
rs all the same, sir. Luce is a great
uncorker."
"Halford, l take back what 1 said about
the word 'corker' Ha, hal A very good
joke, sir. Folks lie that say 1 have no
sense of humor. Mahone's people know
better. Did you see me grin when his
henchmen were talking him up the other
day."
"You viii repudiate the repudiator
Ha, hal And what of the solid South? ?"
(Reads)-''The solid South must be liquefied
and fused into the general mass of American
citizenship. We must insist upon an honest
ballot in the South"
"Good; excellent. / can't help think
ing how pleased Vestryman Dudley will
be with your remarks about an honest
ballot"
"In the South, Halford, in the South.
My dear 'Lige, shake hands. We must
have an honest ballot-in the South"
ASH