Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-04
THE ToPIcAL TALKER.

THE TOPICAL TALKER.
sociely suneess Won't Go for Everything
In the National Guardian Appeal 10 Vox
PopHlI-GousiD Of Big soldIers-senator
Qnny'u Admirable Taste in Books,
After an officer has been elected in the Ma
tional Guard he has to pass a more or less Sc
we're examination before military board be-
fore he receives his commission. The examina-
tion is not restricted topurely military subjects
| but includes matters Of general information. Al
wise provision doubtless, for an officer is none
the less efheient as soldier If he be intelligent
and well informed as citizen.
Some funny results OF these examinations
occur, am told. Not2O years ago-certainly
not so far back into the pasta young man who
had been elected to a captalncy in Pennsyl-
vania regiment was up before the Examining
! Board The Colonel of the regiment was very
anxious the young man should pass, and did his
best to persuade his brethren on the board to
give the candidate his commission. But the
luckless Lieutenant, though Of good standing
| IN society, and success in the Guard
| displayed hopeless ignorance as regards mat
tiers with which a school boy of IA is expected
to be acquainted. Finally he was asked to
compute the interest on $500 at per cent for
one year, and his failure to even hazard guess
ruined his chances
1t happened that the next man examined was
man who, as the ridiculous phrase goes, had
no standing whatever in society He followed
trade. and doubtless better workman than
he in that trade does not exist But it was no
secret that the mans calling was regarded
with disfavor by the body of officers whose
number he aspired to join He was put through
his PAGES sharply and his examination was as
stiff as it was comprehensive But he answered
every question correctly, and the presiding Of
fcer of the board said: Gentlemen, there is
no possible excuse for rejecting this man" and
he was given his commission,
''vox PoPULI," COME FORTH
All now is the time for the sage to arise
From the classic SQuawdunk with fire in his eyes,
And pen in his little right hand,
To wrestle with Congress with might and with
main,
Regardless Of giving those Congressman pain
''Vox Populi, - rise to command
You mayn't know the difference, exactly, be-
tween
Free trade and protection; they're many, Tween,
Who don't in this prosperous land.
But that needn't hinder you writing all day
AS ifwith both theories You were GW Jait-
''Vox Populi, - rise to command
The country is dying to know what you think
You've all that is needed-pen, paper and ink,
And lots of what you may call ssand.''
Give the senate u slap or two. castigate Quay.
Let Reed know he's running the House the wrong
way
s'vox Populi, - rise to commando
The editors cry for you; everyone knows
How craven the press in its opulence grows.
Faith, Congress would never get tanned
If you, my bold sir. with anonymous veil
And inky impunity, didn't assail-
'Vox Popuh, - rise to commando
HI.
THEY tell of another lieutenant whose en-
phatic candor once electrified an examining
board. The man was a soldier of no mean rep
utation, who had seen service and shown gal
lantry during the war of the Rebellion. He was
up for examination on promotion, and the |
board, knowing his competency, thought they
would have little fun with him.
"Now, sir" said Colonel s. to the victim.
'supposing your regiment was engaged and had |
lost every commissioned officer but yourself, |
and the enemy was advancing upon you in |
overwhelming numbers what would you do?" |
II should hand over my command to the |
sergeant major, and tell him to lead the boys |
to-p'
OF course, the examination of Colonel Nor |
man Smith recently upon reelection was, and |
of right should have been, only a formality. |
Nobody's going around at this late day asking |
about Colonel Smiths soldierly qualifications. |
All the same there was deliciously laugha-
BILE half minute for Colonel Smith and his |
brother officers on the board when Colonel |
Krepps, of the Fifteenth Regiment, said to
Colonel Smith: Colonel, be good enough to go
through the manual of arms"
Something like asking grizzed leader Of the
bar to repeat the Magma Chsrta verbatim.
OF course Colonel Smith did not have to go
through the trial.
THERE is believe more truth in the story
that Senator Quay's principal recreation is
novel reading than there is in most of the gos-
sip printed about prominent men.
Long before Mr. Quay dreamed of anything
bigger in political way than the supremacy of
Beaver, he used to be noted for his love of
books of all kinds. and fiction in particular.
You were liable in those days to find him, SO
an old acquaintance of the Senator tells me,
lounglng about his fathers house, or on the
river bank, book in hand, and in costume
queerly neglige, of which the pendant suspen-
ders were the most striking feature.
Senator Quay buttons up his suspenders
carefully now, but such leisure as he hasa
quantity too small to be easily computed-is
still devoted to novels and the like.
SENATOR aUAY's RECREATION.
Senator Quay's only recreation lies in novel
reading. He is very fond of Fielding, Dickens,
Bulwer and Thackeray.
'Tis fitting fancy for Senator Quay
To fly for relief from political strife
To novels-not weary ones born Of to-day
But old-fashioned pictures of ofmanners and life.
For your true politician just revels in plots,
And Dickens and Thackeray valued them too;
Tying manifold threads into manifold knots,
With ardor our prophets are bound to pooh
pooh.
To Bulwer's fine hddlIns Ia listen the least;
The brave heart of Fielding had better be thine
For Politics ever g rreacherous beast,
And party's not easy to keep well in line.
We wish you all Joy Of your catholic taste
In reading q Senatorial one exacts
That turning from fiction to action in haste
You shall give to your countrymen nothing but
facts.
HI.
YESTERDAY IN CONGRESS-.