Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-03-15

THE LISTENING REPORTER.
And so say that as a President we
cannot be too careful what we say. /
hope that the little boys and girls who
read this and who may hereafter be-
come Presidents or wives of Presidents,
will bear this in mind, and always
have kind word for one and all,
whether they feel that way or not.
But started out to speak of porters
and reporters. i carry with me, this
year, a small, sorrel bag, weighing a
little over twenty ounces. 1t contains
a slight bottle of horse medicine and a
powder rag. Sometimes it also con
tains costly robe de mutt, when | do
not forget and leave said robe in the
sleeping car or hotel. i am not over
drawing this matter, however, when
say honestly that the shrill cry of fire
at night in most any hotel in the United
States now, would bring to the fire.
escape from one to six employees OF
said hotel wearing these costly vest
ments with my brief but imperishable
name engraved on the bosom.
This little travelling bag, which is not
larger than mans hand, is rudely
pulled out of my grasp as | enter the
inn, and it has cost me 500 10 get it
back again from the porter. Besides,
| have paid IS 35 for new handles to
replace those that have been torn off
in frantic scuflle between the porter
and myself TO see which would get
away with il.
Yesterday / was talking with a re-
formed lecturer about this popularity
of the porters. He SAID he used to
lecture great deal at moderate prices
throughout the country, and after ten
years of earnest toll he was enabled to
retire with rich experience and SO
in money. He lectured on phrenology
and took his meals with the chairman
of the lecture committee. In Ouray,
Colorado, the baggageman allowed his
trunk to fall from great height and
SO the lid was Knocked of and the
bust which the professor used in his
lecture was busted He, therefore,
had to borrow a bald-headed man TO
act as bust for him in the evening.
After the close of the lecture the pro-
fessor found that the bust had stolen
the gross receipts from his coat-tail
pocket while he was lecturing The
only improbable feature about this
story is the implication that bald
headed man would commit crime.
But still he did not become soured.
He pressed on and lectured to the
gentle janitors of the land in piercing
tones. He was always kind To every
one, even when people criticised his
lecture and went away before he got
through. He forgave them and paid
his bills just the same as he did when
people liked him.
Once newspaper man who had
done him a great wrong and said at
1.-The lecture was decayed and that the
professor would endear himself TO
every one il he would some night at
his hotel, instead of blowing out the
gas and turning off his brains as he
usually did, Just turn off the gas and
blow out his brains" But the pro
fessor did not go to his Office and blow
holes in his viscera. He spoke kindly
TO him always and once when the two
met in barber shop, and it was doubt
full which was next" as they came in
from opposite ends of the room, the
professor gently yielded the chair TO
the man who had done him the great
wrong, and while the barber was
shaving him eleven tons of ceiling
peeled of and fell on the editor who
had been so cruel and so rude, and
when they gathered up the debris, a
day or two afte.ward, it was almost
impossible to tell which was ceiling
and which was remains.
So it is always best to deal gently
with the erring, especially if you think
it will be fatal 10 them.
The reformed lecturer also spoke of
discovery he made, which | had
never heard Of before He began, dur.
ing the closing years of his tour, to
notice mysterious marks on his trunk,
made with chalk generally, and so
during his leisure hours he investigated
them and their cause and effect. He
found that they were the symbols of the
Independent Order of Porters and Bag
gage Bursters. He discovered that it
was species of language by which
one porter informed the next, without
the expense OF telegraphing, what
style of man owned the trunk and tho
prospect for touching him, as one
might say.
The professor gave me a few of these
signs from an old note book, together
with his own Interpretation after years
of close study. / reproduce them here
because know they will interest the
reader as they did me.