The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-09-13
THE AkIzoNA KICKER.
some OF the Ups and Downs Of Editorial
Life in the West

IHE LAST STRAW.-fOr the last SIX
months Major Davis, OF this burgh
has lost no opportunity Of abusing us
and Boosting OF what he would do II
we did not step softly. The reason for
this conduct lies in the fact that the
Kicker not only called him horse
thief, but proved him bigamist be-
sides. Last Saturday the Major, who
has no more right to that title than a
mule has to that OF professor" bor-
rowed a shotgun and gave out that he
had camped on our trail and meant to
riddle our system with buckshot on
sight Word was brought TO us, and
although We were very busy at the
time experimenting our combined
weekly newspaper, harness shop, gro
Gerry, bazar and gun store Gall under
one roof, and the largest retail estab-
lishment in Arizona), we laid aside
our work and went over TO Snyder's
saloon in search OF the Major. We
found MIN, and we gave him such
whipping as no man in this town ever
got before. He lies a broken and
stranded wreck on the shores OF time,
so to speak, and the doctor says 1t will
be six weeks before he will find any
more trails or do any more camping.
SLIPPED A CoG.-In company with
the elite Of this neighborhood we were
invited to the abode OF Judge Graham
last Thursday evening TO witness the
marriage Of County Clerk Dan Scott to
the beautiful Arabella johnson, only
daughter OF the aristocratic widow
johnson, Of Bay Horse Hights. The
widow had made spread worthy OF
the days OF Cleopatra. and Dan had on
a new suit sent by express from Omaha
for the occasion. Every thing passed
of pleasantly until eight o'clock. at
which hour the bride was discovered
TO be missing. and investigation soon
brought out the fact that she had gone
dead back on Dan and skipped the tra-
la, whatever that Is, with bold cow
boy named French jim. She left a
message TO the effec: that she could
never, never love man with cata-
ract in his left eye, and that meant
Dan. There was feast, but no we'd
ding. and Daniel will have TO try again.
EXPLANATORY. As several versions
of the incident that occurred in our
Office Saturday night are flying around
town and have probably been tele-
graphed all over the world, we deem
it but right TO give the particulars as
they occurred. We were seated in the
editorial chair, writing a leader on the
European situation, when a rough
character known around town as
Mike the Slayer called in. AS we
had never had word with the man,
we suspected no evil As matter of
fact we reached for our subscription
book, supposing, Of course, that he
wanted the best weekly in America
for year. The Slayer then announced
that he had come to slay us. not be-
cause we had ever done him harm. but
because the influence of the press was
driving out the good old times and
customs. We retreated towards the
door OF our harness department. He
pursued us with a drawn knife. We
then felt il our duty to draw our gun
and let six streaks Of daylight through
his bedy, and as he went down we
stepped TO the door and sent boy for
the coroner. 1t was clear case OF
self-defense. and the inquest was
mere formality. We lament the sad
occurrence, but no one can blame us.
We paid his burial expenses, and in
another column will be found his obitu-
AIRY, written in our best vein and with
out regard to space. No other Arizona
editor has ever done half as much.
No HARM DONE. The boys got after
stranger the other evening who was
pointed out as a horse-thief, and ran
him all over town with the object OF
pulling him up to limb. In some
manner he gave them the slip, and in
their zeal they got hold of Judge Dow
ney and held him up to limb for over
a minute before the error was discoV-
cred. The Judge is gu-guing around
with sore throat and stiff neck and
threatens to bring about fifty damage
suits. Take a friends advice, judge,
and hush up. You got off powerful
easy, considering your general charac-
ter. While it was a mistake, the boys
were not so far wrong after all. We
wish such mistakes would occur oftener.
WE BIDE Our TINE. While selling
Mrs. Colonel Prescott four pounds OF
prunes for half dollar the other day