The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-03-02
PERFECTLY SHOCKING.

| have ventured to call the story of
little bit of my life Shocking" to
remind my readers that they are ex-
pected to be shocked by it, and that
the moral it conveys should be
brought home to the hearts Of
all truly fashionable people. Bus;
shocking as my conduct was, l fear I
cannot repent or be ashamed of it,
though l am philanthropic enough
to hope that my sad example may
act as warning to all young mar
ried women.
The essence of autobiography is
egotism, as some writer remarked,
and l shall therefore not apologize
for the number of CPS" that will oc-
cur in the following pages:
My mother was a well known per-
son in New York society; she lived in
and for the world-of ball going and
amusement-andp played her part in
it with much zeal and success.
1t was only when an unfortunate
redness other nose, caused, ill-natured
people said, by tight lacing, disgust
ed her with the looking glass, that
she adopted the high church pietism
to which she is now so devoted, and
as she sits in her favorite
corner of the Church of the
Bea tifc Pharisee, with her lovely
books of devotion, her smelling bot
tie and her general air OF condescend-
ing piety, you really forget about
her nose, and are inclined to ignore
the reason which has SO happily, if
painfully, brought her into the arms
of the church.
She was always a very good
mother to me, and from the auspic-
ious day which saw my debut in So
ciety till that no less suspicious one
when she wept quietly behind me as
Tom placed a gold ring on my hand
at the altar of Grace church, she
was always most careful of my wei
fare and eager for my advancement
and happiness. And what chaperon
she was! Even at 3 in the morning,
when other chaperons were asleep Or
tuning with the desire for bed, there
she sat, pale and determined, ready
to encourage good parti, or frown
l ~ / ~
couraged him. Many a time have l
reached home from Delmonico's,
smarting from the pinches she, for
my own good, had bestowed upon
my arms. when l had been more than
usually obstinate in perfering some
good looking journalist with moth.
ing year, to an abdominal broker
ready to place the disposal of his
millions at my feet.
And her vigilance had it's reward,
for at the end of my second season,
| just as papa was beginning his annu-
al growl about the bills and cottage
at Newport, the society papers were
enabled (by mamma sending them
information) to announce my forth
coming marriage with Mr.. Thomas
Van Pygg, of Sixth and Irvington-
on-Hudson, quite one ofthe best men,
in a pecuniary sense, of the year.
Tom loved me in the most ridiculous
old fashioned way, and always treat
ed me as if l we're some way his supe-
rior, whereas-but suppose l had
better keep my deficiencies to my
self. Let it suffice that l was and
am rather pretty, could play on
the piano and sing after a fashion,
and had developed quite marvellous
amount of aesthetic taste in what we
call high art furniture. think ]
knew how to dress, too, and papa
who unusually found fault with me-
so his testimony is important-said
that had an enormous talent fol
spending money.
Well, we were wed, and we went of
for our honeymoon, grinning like q
couple of idiots, as we no doubt were
And here comes one of the most hui
initiating of my confessions. | was
absurdly, inexpressibly happy, during
that same honeymoon. Ihadso oft
en- laughed at the thing, and vowed
it was q relic of barbarism, and de
clared that a married couple shoult
at once commence the life apart from
one another, except at mealtimes
which is their fate, that it was very
|. dreadful for me to be SO happy.
Ofcourse, no one is ever ''in love-
nowadays; so it couldn't have beer
that. No, / fancy it must have beer
the getting away from papa emf
mamma, combined perhaps with TIL
, feeling that was now free to ANUS
,, myself as l listed, with no one tt
, frown or say unpleasant things tx
me when fiirted with dear, hand
some Dirk Van Khounhyde. Dirl
had always been my favorite part
i ner, and his despair when told hin
that the announcement in the paper
was true was very touching. Ii
came to the wedding-which b
, thought it funny to call "the funeral,
: / remember, and he really made i
, look like one-and the reproachfu
look he gave me as ] got into tn
|, carriage with Tom would have beer
! touching, only at that moment
: was taken up with Toms stupidity
! in letting some of my lace get shu
> up in the door.
But, somehow. clumsy and stupi'
ridiculously in love as Tom was, tn
honeymoon went like lightning, ant
1 scarcely opened one of the man.
o books French novels principally
that had taken to while away wha
I l thought would beso dreary a time
: I regret to say that we "kept com
!, pany" just as the footman and mai'
i do, and spooned like a couple OF sen
= timental German trades people.
The first person to call in FIT
J. avenue, where the house had been re
: furnished in "high art" style fror
q cellar to attic, was Dirk Va,
I Khounhyds, who looked rather |!
. ana depressed, poor fsilow, hutrallis'
|, when be saw he was herring me, an
q tHid "a sli the news, and ssads hlnl
Q sail very agrssahle, taking Tom q
Q ak last 90 lock nj snisia heFsfs \
|, ths Ms!nk siahaaseH.s ri BIZ eNh,