The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-08-01
Reported by Gfape.vine for the sIrrrR.l

Reported by Grapevine for the sIfTER.l
Hooker. Hello, Central, give me
that champion doughnut-consuming
and old war-scarred veteran, ,Levi
Fuller.
Central. Here you have him Col.
with his regimentals on. Go ahead.
Hooker. Hello, Levi, is that you
Fuller. Yes, George, what's want
ing?
II. / didn't recognize you at first,
your breath smells so strong of North
Hinsdale doughnuts. The fact is,
I'm in no end of fix about that con-
founded old bridge roof, and want
you to help pull me out. You claim
to be a wonderful inventor, and i
want you to get up some scheme to
prevent the water pouring like mill
tail every time it rains through that
new-fangled roof that l put on to the
Hinsdale bridge. Everybody is pok-
ing fun at me, and Hinsdale is swear
ing mad because l went ahead and
did the work without consulting them !;
just as though l must ask them every
time l touch the bridge. Its enough
for them to pay their part of the bills,
and they'll find it out before l get
through with them, too, and don't
you forget it. They can't vote this
side the river, so who's afraid Now,
Levi, that's good fellow, do bring
your powerful mind to bear on this
pesky old bridge, and pull me out of
the soup, as l have done many and
many time for you. Do invent
something quick, can't you, and help
me unload?
Levi. "Inventw 1 should say
so! Of course l can invent any,
thing under the sun that anybody has
ever invented before me. That's the
way 1 always invent, and it's the best
way, too, for it saves wear and tear
of brain tissues, and that's mighty
saving, especially when you don't
happen to have the tissues. But let
uniit go Ior the -prnsnn4---A.,. "a
l can invent, do you? Why, George,
you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Don't everybody know that | in
vented the Aurora Borealis, and that
| even suggested important improve
ments in the Great Solar System it.
self, which would have been adopted
long ago only for sheer envy; and
didn't | and old Burke invent old
Arvid Dayton himself, out of our own
heads? He was woodworker, so it
was easy to get him out of our heads.
To be sure, nobody knows old Burke
had anything to do with it-that is,
only a few know-so don't you say
anything about it and I'll steal his
share and take all the credit myself,
as usual. He's dead long ago, and
can't kick so "who's afraid as you
say. And now about that bridge.
I've been thinking about it good
while, for | knew you would have to
come to me in the end to pull you
out. What's the matter with you
and your bridge, is it you've got more
water than you can manage? The
fact is, George, you never did have
much use for water, especially as a
beverage, and that's what stumps you
now. It's hard 10 make your old
habits fit your present goody-goody
professions. But L understand all
about water-especially hot water,
for I'm in it often-and just now
you know I'm bossing the repairs on
the Baptist Church, and right exact
ly on the very spot where the church
had me over the red hot Goals few
years ago for lying. Pm. having a
monster vat built big enough to
drown anybody in who dares again
so much as even hint at that disa-
greeable incident in my personal his
tory and | mean to get that aggra-
waiting cuss that edits the SITTER into
that vat one Of these days, and-but
that's nothing to do with your leaky
bridge.
| Hooker. No, l should say not
What do care about your old scald-
ing tub and your SITTER man?
don't mind his gibes at me in fact ]
rather enjoy them, ID n him) sc
dry up about your personal grievances
and attend to the bridge.
Fuller. Now, George, you holt
on. None of your sass, if you please
Neither of us can afford to twlt OF
facts. The pot shouldn't call th,
kettle black, because the kettle nigh
have something unpleasant TO answer
back. You and | had better keeI
shady about the mean things we know
of each other and have done togethe
don't you think so?
/ Hooker. Well, yes but neither o
, US dare expose the other, so we can
{ help working in double harness