The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-07-24

While through the dark around we heard
The gay mosquitoes hum.
She moved a little closer then,
And answered: Can't you guess?
why, the one of all that suits me most
Is the Daily ECening Press"
The Chicago Neos.
Hush money-the wages of the babys
nurse
CUPn isn't much of shot. He makes
many Mrs.
" BUT, my dear, what has that old man to
recommend himself aside from his riches?"
- Heart disease. life.
THE wife who can retain sure hold upon
her husbands heart will never have &C.
cason TO take grip on his hair.
THERE is one thing that the incible
Western cyclone has never yet succeeded
in lifting, and that is mortgage.
If there's anything under the sun that
will make a man swear and prance It's to
swing the pole over his head and catch the
renee american.
TOMMY (who has been forgot item until
nearly eleven o'clock: " Paw, what is a
jiffy?" Father: " It's just about the length
of time you've got to get to bed without
licking "-7erre Hdute Express.
In order to get drink in Boston on Sun
day man has to go to hotel and register.
cratic party, so many Of them are unable
to write their names.-NorristoDn Herald.
GROCER: "Mr. Slowpay, do you know
why the car of Russia would make a sue
cess in the grocery busness?" Mr.. Slow
nav: Ono, don't think | do" Well,
it's because he doesn't trust anybody
TerdS Strings.
TOMMY: Mamma, why did they put
Monday nextto Sunday" Mamma: Don't
trouble me now, dear; I'm sure l don't
know" Tommy (after pause) Was it
because cleanliness was next to godli-
ness?'-B0Ston Commercial Bulletin.
81 SEE they are making wholesale evic-
ton of the Poles out near Waterloo, In
diana" said Mr.. Spriggins, laying down the
paper. I'm glad to hear it," quoth Mrs.
S. Now let EN- bury the wires and it
will be just perfect. "-Harper'S Bazar.
THE following quaint epi:aph on husband
and wife-the husband having died first-is
to be seen in one of the Partisan ceme-
teries az am anxiously awaiting you
A. D., 1921" " Here | ANA. D., 1867. !"
The good lady had taken her time about it.,
PEDDLER: beg pardon, ma am, but am
agent for DR.. Feeders Spice Root Btters,
and I'm sure IL the members OF your family
would try them they would soon have the
finest appetites" Lady at door Severely:
"This, sir, is a boarding house '-Nep YORK
Weekly.
SPINsTER: Have you parrot thai can
speak a IlUtle frenCnt Dealer: Ger
tainly, madam ITO parrot: Poll, speak
little French for the lady" Polly "Oui,
monsieur, rosbif, dammit. How's your
muzzer?" Spnster (delighted): ooh, viii
take himl"-LVe.
Brown Ito Black, who is preparing for
your languages old fellow" Black.
'Capitally. Why, I've got so now / can
think in French" Brown: "Well, that's
blessing, for it's more than you could ever
do in English. Time.
EMPLOYER: " Are you watchful and pru-
dent in looking after business interests"
Applicant for position: I've carried the
same umbrella over two years without
losing it or having it stolen" Employer:
Then you may have entire control of my
extensive business and name your own
salary ."-Omdhd World.
THE most healthy diet for the sailor is
currents, the jeweler should live on carats,
the historian on dates, the plumber on
leeks, the pugilst on punches the burglar
on robins, Irish conspirators on peaches,
married women on can t-elopes, baseball
catchers on fowls, base ball fielders on flies
weather prophets on lye actresses on cream
puffs.
SUNDAY-sCHooL TEACHER: Now, Johnny
Cumso, it is your turn. Recite your verse,
please" Johnny (reciting): "A certain
man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho
and fell among the thorns, and the thorns
" Did you learn that verse out of the Bible,
johnny" Johnny: Nome. Pop taught
it to me-"
Miss FoUREYEs of Boston: OF course
do not pose before you as a critic, but |
must confess that have pronounced pen
chant for Wagner, a d" Miss Lakeview
of Chicago: Wagner? Rats! just listen
to Inc while gently murmur that our own
George NJ. Pullman knows his business,
sure enough. Wagner cuts no figure with
us, and this goes"
A WRITER in a scientific magazine saws
the earth is being bored too much and is
liable to lose its place among the heavenly
bodies in consequence. The busy editor
can sympathize with the earth. He is also
likely to lose his place among the heavenly
bodies by being bored too much-judging
from the language he uses when the
bore leaves.-NorriStoWn Herald.
I" IT is said that mermaids tie up their
hair with marine band. "-NelO York Herald
" 1t is quite as reasonable to suppose that
they make their houses of ships logs and
rock their little ones in the cradle of the
deep" - Bjnghdmton Republican. And
Just as probable to surmise that they smoke
see weed on the sly."-BoStOn Post. Yes
and trt with the great swells of the ocean
or the little coves in shore.
THE Prince of Wales enjoys snug in
come from the British government-some
S2S0OO0 per annum, or fragment over
$500 day, not counting Sundays. Yet the
correspondent of the Tribune gently init
mates that the prince has to cut his garment
close TO the line to get through. 1t would
seem as if a frugal young man, not given
too literally to cigars, should be able &c
make both ends meet on $500 day. We
think we could manage to wriggle along on
that, if necessary .-Nelo HdUen Pdllddium.
LATE dispatches give the real reason fol
Henry M. Stanley's unaccountable delay in
returning from Central Africa. He bet al
his glass beads and calico on game be-
tween the Congo Picked Nine and Kinl
Tzamba's Black Stockings Stanley haC
pinned his faith on the pitching of I'm
slopogaas, but Tzambas men got on t.
slopes deliy in the third inning anC
batted him to the tune of forty-three t
eleven The explorer has been in paw
ever since, but he has secured another 10
of beads from Emin Bey, and is negotiating
with pitcher from the Nyanza district VIII,
is said to be dandy and the owner of three
new curves.-LVe.
PECULIAR case came up before thu
mayor of Gadsden, Ala, recently. A For
pavna man nama1 IiValV hapaTna Won,