Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-03-22
SERIOUS s0LEMNIT1Es.


could not live over five days without
water never resided in Kentucky
NorristoU1o Herald.
A BosToN woman who bought car
pet ten days ago in Chicago, sent it back
yesterday. The pattern was so loud it
woke up the baby.-Life.
BEAvER-Harkins is man who al
ways holds fast to the truth. Cleverly
Yes; notice he never lets it escape
him.-Drake's Magazine.
CONSISTENCY, thou art jewel" sure
enough; but thou standeth an exceed
ingly poor show when the other fellow
can afford diamond ring.-Puck.
| WHEN we see man wear the same
silk hat continuously for four years we
begin to get an idea of what it is to
work like beaver.-Harpers Basor.
HIGHWAY robberies grow more COM
mon as winter comes on" says news
paper. The loss of the summer hotel
will not be felt so keenly after all
Merchant Troueler.
"THE charge on your fire insurance
policy covering your hotel is $50, sir
"But Mr.. Agent, the hotel is fireproof."
80! Why didn't you say so at first?'
"The charge is 800, 81" -Time,
PAPA, where's Atoms?' Il don't
know, my boy. You mean Athens, prob
ably" "No, mean Atoms-the place
where everything is blown to when a
boiler explodes. "-Teras SJtings.
ABUSED Husband-Say, can a man
get divorce for cruelty? Lawyer
Certainly. What does your wife do to
you? "She fits my shirts herself and
makes me wear 'em.-Philadelphia
Record.
CoLoRED Stranger-You doan know
me, I reckon? Pawnbroker-No. rs
one oh de Presidents of Hayti, an I'd
like ter pawn dat country for enough
ter buy a square meal. -Philadelphia
Record.
KING MILAN is fearfully short of
money and utterly without credit. When
Brokeley read this he thrust both hands
into his pockets up to the wrists and
exclaimed mechanically, "Now I
know what it is to feel like king!"-
Boston TRANSCRIPT.
Mrs. GUzzLEToN (on the stairs)-
This is great time of night for you to
be coming home, John Guzzleton!
Mr.. Guzzleton consulting his watch)-
You're wrong, M dear. It's the small
est time in the whole day. just l
o'clock, 'pon honor!-J4dge.
JoNEs-say, old fellah, last night you
slapped me on the bwack when you
were dwunk and said was a gwentle-
man. De Smith-Did I, me deah
bhoy? Vewy sorry, 'pon me honah.
Didn't mean to. What foolish things a
dwunken man does say!-Judge.
He Cat party)--You are not looking
quite your usual self this evening, Miss
Van Zanett! She--No, am not feel
ing at all we'll. I was at the cooking
school this afternoon, and was COM
PEELED to eat some angel food made by
that odious Miss Larrabee. Epoch.
PAR1sH1oNER-O, reverend sir, nv
father is dying and beseeches you to
come to his bedside Clergyman
Pardon me, Miss, but 1 cannot be dis
turbed now. I'm busy preparing my
paper on practical Christianity" for
the next conference. Good-day.-Time.
Col. STEERS (of Montana)-It seems
to me you New-Yorkers are entirely too
"uppish" and on your dignity. Ifyou only
were out where I live you'd see what
Western hospitality is! Mr.. Manhat-
tan have. I once took drink with
Six-Toed Hank of your town at the
point of pistol.
DuLLARD-So old man Richly is dead
at last. Brightly wonder he lived
30 long, with all the doctors. Why,
DR.. Scalpel had hack at him, DR..
Piller had hack at him, and dozen
others. Dullard-And now the under
taker has him. Brightly-Yes, by gum
and he's the worst. He got seven hacks
and hearse.-Lo1ceW Citizen.
PROF. BoRus-I am so sorry YOU
weren't here this afternoon, Miss Gladys,
to hear my paper on Assyrian has re.
liefs. The deep attention with which
it was listened to for over two hours was
quite remarkable. Miss Gladys-Ah,
sir, it was an all-wise and merciful
Providence that kept me away. Other
wise, I assure you, should have been
here.-BAtalo Courier.
CUSTOMER like that underwear.
but I am afraid it will shrink. Open
heimer-It fits you splendid, und dot
goods meier shrinks particle. (Half
an hour later; same goods; different
customer). Second Customer - The
things are all right, but they are too
large. Oppenheimer-Ya, aber dose
| goods always shrink popci1aro1>1a .,,,.l