davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

dis->statistician the hens of
e-@7cdf would reach twice across the
state if placed in a straight line, head to
tail. ANY one who has tried to induce a
hen to remain in any straight line for a
second viii appreciate that ''if."
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
WHERE THE PROFIT coMEsiIN.

Barber-''I would like to sell you
bottle of this balm. It viii surely bring
out your hair"
Customer-''Why are you so eager to
! sell? Is there a large margin oniit2n
small, but we get royalty from thewig-
maker n-Neao York Sun.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

HE WAS ALL RIGHT, But SHE WASN'T
Landlady of Boarding House to appli-
cant for board and rooms)-'Have you
good refereneesl"
Appicant-''Yes, madam"
Landlady of Boarding House-"You
don't stay out latel'
Applicant-''No, madam"
Landlady of Boarding House-"You
have no callers who are likely to injure
the good name of my house"
Applicant-''No madam"
Landlady of Boarding House-'Then
you may send your trunks"
Apphcant-"But first, madam, beg
to ask question or two. It is right
there should be satisfaction on both
sides. Have you piano in the parIorl"
Landlady of Boarding House (haughti-
ly)-"Yes, sir, a rosewood upright"
Applicant-''Have you daughterl'
Landlady Of Boarding House-''Yes,
sir"
Applicant-'Is your daughter taking
music lessonsi"
Landlady Of Boarding House-''She
= ;T-Ss> f>sskSs- ,,-'z
APpnc iD0-''fhen, madam, an sorry
ito say, I cannot send my trunks"
Landlady of Boarding House Cindig-
.nantly-"Sirl"
But she spoke to the air. The young
man had departed.-Boston Courier.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The English courts hold that when q
man writes asking another to flavor him
with check" for a bill the intent is thai
the check is to be sent by post, and tn
creditor is liable If the check is lost j.
the mails
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Says the Detroit Free Press; "cai-
fornia imported the dandelion and Il
sorry; the Uaited States imported the
ELshsh sparrow and is Sorry Brazil, like
the United States, is importing paupers,
and, like the United States, viii be sorry
fnrit-n
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Applicability amputated my legs
and supervised the construction of new
ones, which can be unbuckled and locked
in the safe during business hours.
Observation-Disclosures your limbs and
enter upon your duties. ID elcelers'
Weekly.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

First Detective-''Tve got the two
men who committed that murder. Their
names are Chinks and Kinks.
Second Detective-''You don't say sol
How did you discover them2"
Il ran across Chinks one day, and
charged him with the crime"
''Yes. How did he take it,"
''He changed color-a sure sign that
he is guilty"
"True-and the other?"
II saw Kinks soon after, and boldly
charged him with the crime
"Goodl How did he actl"
''He did not change color at ala
sign that he is a hardened criminal. -
London Tit-Bits.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The English, Germans and French are
all assiduously counting Mexico as
promising field Of commercial enterprisC
and English capitalists are hopeful O.
Wrestling control of 1t from this country.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

sOn-"Papa, how do they catch lu-
natics?n
Cynical Father-''With large straw
hats and feathers and white dresses, jew
elry and neat gloves, my boy"
Mamma (musingly)-''Yes, remem-
Der that's how dressed before we were
married. Boston Saturday Gazette.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The Beers, of South Africa, have
whipped England Eve different times,
and one of their prophets is now pre-
dieting a coming war in which Boer
will be raised to the British throne.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
UNFORTUNATE ABSENCE OF MIND.

UNFORTUNATE ABSENCE OF MIND
Miss Uppercrust (who has been wait
ing outside in the coupe)-"What keeps
you so long, mammal Couldn't youmatch
the braid?"
Mrs. Uppercrust-"Oh, yesl But 1 in
advertently put my purse into my pocket,
and 1t took nearly half an hour to.fnd it
again. "-Burlington Free Press.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
NOT A PART OF SPEECH.

johnnie, what part of
speech IS nosel"
johnny 'Tain't emmy"
''Ah, but it must be"
''Mebbe your'n is because, you talk
through it, but the on'y part O. speech
that I've got is my mouth. fine.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The police are exerting extraordinary
-,1isnce to prevent emigration from
nnasiafss and women and children who
seek % escape iron the country to join
husbands ans fa1shf n sdy in America
go ,. - zoDss.- .S-sships- apa
often are unable to get away at all. The
authorities profess to fear dearth OF farm
Iahn.ar
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Eyen Californiaus tire of their per-
petual sunshine. The Visalia Delta re
marks: jewellers in the San joaquin
valley would ike 10 swsp off a few square
leagues Of italian sky for little Oregon
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The school banking system was intro
duced in the public schools Of Long
Island City, N. Y, about three years ago,
and already the pupils in the nine schools
have $40, 79l. % to their credit.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Postage Stamp Ito mailbag)-ss'Bump
into M again and I'll knock thetstufing
eus,of you"
2 sffsiI5ag-.esTry it and you'llg get the
worst licking you ever had, you|stuck-up
thing. Time.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
NOT AN OLD MASTER.

Visitor Ito butler who is showing ihim
through the picture gallery of the old
mapsion)-"That's fine portrait. Is it
an old master2"
Butler-''No That's the old.missus. >"
Boston Courier.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The Emperor of Brazil is about to is-
sue an edict prohibiting Brazilisa girls
from marrying until they reach the ripe
old age of ten years, and the girls are
mad about it.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
HIS CREDENTIALS.

Diamond Merchant 10 applicant for
position)-"What references have you,
sirg'
Appicant-"The surgeons at Bellevue
Hospital"
Merchant-"What dc they know of
your qualifications for my line of trader"
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Mr.. Jonathan Trump-"What'sk the
matter with young Darlingtonl He's
going into the conservatory with Dolly
Flicker as pale as a ghost
Miss Penelope Peachblow-"G Going
into decline, I take it, from Swhat 1
know of Dolly. Life.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
BoBBY's REToRT.

Teacher-'What is seventeen times
three and one-halfln
Bobby-'I er-er-"
Teacher Answer thesquestion. What
do you stand there saying'"er" for?"
Bobby-"To err is human. "-Chioago
Saturday Herald.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
TIE WEDDING DAY.

Sweetheart, name the day for me
When we two shall welded be.
Make it ere another moon,
While the meadows are in tune
And the trees are poisoning,
And the robbins mate and sing.
Whisper, love, and name a day
In this merry month of May.
No, no, no,
You shall not escape me sol
Love Will not forever wait:
Roses fade when gathered late
Fie, for shame, Sir Maleontenti
How can time be better spent
Than in wooing? would wed
When the clover blossoms red,
When the air is full Of bliss,
And the sunshine like a kiss.
If you're good I grant a boon;
You shall have me, sir, in June.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
Immigration shows a falling off for
the arsi quarter of this year.

syndicates are rapidly buying upali the
Southern timber lands that they can get
their hands on.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

'Biddy, have you seen the lit
tie stuffed bird l had in my bonnetl'
Biddy-'Yes, mum; put lit in the
soup to make it a little richerX-Ep0ch.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES,

In the Long Ago-In the Potage-
TnutiIity an Old Master
Offensive Partisans i'm Ohice
AT the Concert, Etc.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05


rOwets .heeks.
Through those days. and nights, Id weeks.
Until the spring comes, once again
With If, courage to his men
Food and raiment one by one;
And, when everything was done
To warm each Continental son,
Why, he marched into the fray
With a heart 50 light and gay,
That care and all its satellites went shrieking
far away
And the warming that the British got ere
Monmouth town was won
Fought be north, south, east and west, and
he fought his very best
And at Yorktown met CORVALLIS, whom be
straightway made his guest,
With his seven thousand meni
You know the rest:
How he laid away the sword-took up his
pen
Babe his Generals good-by.
In Fraunce's Tavern, with a sigh,
And big tear In each eye
To become the ''Cincinnatus Of the West. -
How they offered him "a CROWN
How he dashed the bauble down
When they would have made him liking .
Sing! singi sing
Ring ringl ring
His virtues and his praises, while the skies are
up above you'll
While the earth's beneath our feet noble
Washington, we'll love you
TIL the liberty you gave US is poor thing of
You shan Be the first within our hearts and
last
John E. Mccain, in Once Week.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

One hundred and FIVE colleries are now
open in India, which, among them,
mined nearly 1,4OO, 900 tons of coal in
1895
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The Kokoma, Ind, wells are giving
out as much gas as the first day they were
struck.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Elderly Female 81 shall probably
never marry. My affiancedfellin battle. "
The Major Waterloo" Fliege7de
-BIaetter.
rst1
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05
A FATHERS VIGIL,

FATHERS VIGIL
Chapter !.
Mr.. Figg-" Here's a little toy I've
bought for Tommy to amuse himself
with. Pigs in clover, I believe they call
it."
Chapter H.
Tommy-"say paw, amt you goin' to
femme see that puzzled"
Mr. Figg-"Go to bed! You ought
to be in bed an hour agoI"
Chapter ILL.,
Mrs. Figg-"John Figg, are you 60
ing to sit up all nightl'
Mr.. Figg-"T'n be there in a minute.
I've got them all in but one"
Chapter "
Mrs. Figg-"Have you been up all
night, John Figg7"
Mr. Figg-''None of your business"
Tommy-"Say, paw, where's my puz-
zlel"
Mr.. Figg-"In the stovel"-Tars
Haute Express.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

First swelI-''What glorious music
Who wrote it?n
Edward Beethoven"
First Spy Jove, I'll write to him.
What's his addressln
Edward Bonn Cemetery II believe. "
Epoch.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

PROFESSIONAL WAY OF HOOKING AT IT.
Customer TO barber9 &c Have you
heard of the bad scrape young Brown got
into yesterday"
Barber-"Why, no, sirl Who shaved
him?"
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Poet-'I called in, sir, to see about
that little poem l sent you some time
ago.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

The average annual ice crop of thI
Hudson River is $780, 900 tons, |
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Husband-"This is a pretty 60"
Wife-s4What is the matter?"
Husband-"Some one has gone and
daubed ink on my new penwiper. y.
Judge.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Northern sportsmen in Florida are
complaining of the scarcity OF alllSa'0fS'
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

MI JdsUn-''h nice Tool vs. BE11l'Of
yourself at that sociable iastZes1ghtl"
Mrs. Jason-''Mel Howl
Mr.. Jason-"Yes, you. Telling Mrs.
Chally that her baby looked good enough
20 eat"
Mrs. Jason-"Well, what's the matter
with thatl"
Mr.. JasOn-"0h, nothing, only you
know that they start as missionaries to
the Cannibal Islands next week. - errs
Haute Express
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-07-05

Girls for once should have their Wayi
If you love me wait till June;
Rosebuds wither picked too soon.
e. c. StedmGn
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
FIRE DESTROYS TWO TOWNS.
Fierce Conaagrations in \ National Parh
 Big stone City Threatened.

Fierce ConaagratiOnsi in ational Park
 Big stone City Threatened.
 CINNABAR, Mont, Sept. 2.-The town of Gardiner, on the edge of National Park, was entirely destroyed by fire Saturday. Only one house was saved out of about thirty in all. The troops and other government employees in Yellowstone Park had been employed all last week in fighting the fires in the Park. The officer in command planes the campers, who are careless about extinguishing camp fires. Fires are reported in the neighborhood of Empire, endangering the mills of the Em- pire Mining company.
 HELENA, Mont, Sept. 2.-News was re- ceived yesterday from Black Pine, in Deer Lodge county, that the town had been de- stroyed by fire. Black Pine is situated in heavy growth of timber. The fire started in the timber of that section 6 week ago and the men had been fighting 1t continuously. Fri- day the fire was thought to be under control, but Saturday it was again az bad as before. The flames were going right for the town at a fearful speed. The wind was increasing and the roar could be heard for two miles. The Black Pine mill and mine were shut down and all the men turned out to fight the fire. The flames made it impossible to get within 300 yards. About twenty men had their hands blistered and were badly used up.
 LAC Our EARLE, Minn., Sept. .2.-A prairie fire ten miles wide is sweeping the Minnesota bottom lands and the town of Big Stone City is threatened. Hundreds of farmers have lost all their hay and stock, and the fire, which was started two days ago by party of hunt. CTS, is beyond control.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
Catholic Convention.

CLEVELAND, Sept. 2.-The thirty-fourth annual convention of the Catholic society be- gan here today. There are in attendance 700 delegates, representing twenty-six States and 492 organizations with 36, 99s members. The financial report shows that during the past year SPA ,34s was expended in sick ben- efta, $s9, JOS for 600 deaths and $41, 1000 for sick benefits from the widows and orphans fund. At to-day's session $200 was sent to the Pope by cable and a blessing asked. Pro. tests were submitted by the Wisconsin and Illinois delegations against the laws recently passed in those States regarding parochial schools. One of the important subjects to be discussed is the proposed enlargement of the society. To-morrow is Catholic day, the big one of the convention.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
THE CoNEY ISLAND RACES.
Attendance Heavy and the Racing
 Brilliant.

Hf1l110nts
 NEW YORK, Sept. 2.-The autumn meet. ing of the Coney Island Jockey club opened to-day. The attendance was heavy and the racing brilliant. Favorites fared very indif- ferently, only two managing to score. The weather was delightful and the track fast. Following is a summary of the racing:
 First race-Five and half furlongs. In the last sixteenth Volunteer came away and won handily, Hanover second, Young Duke third; time 1:O6 4-5. Nutuals paid s41.90.
 Second race-Five and half furlongs. After good finish Magnate won by short length, Sinaola second, Miss Belle third; time 1:O9 1-5. Mutuals paid $20,45.
 Third race-Mile and furlong. After a driving finish Buddhist won, Tariston sec- ond, Philander third; time 1:56 1-5. Mutuals paid $2060.
 Fourth race-Mile and furlong: Bronze omate won handily, Oarsman second, Theo- dosius third; time, 1:5614. Mutuals paid $21.60, Oarsman $23.60
 Fifth race-One mile: When the horses strengthened out for home Maori drew clear, but Strideaway soon ranged alongside and beat him easily, Maori second, Bridgelght third; time, 1:41. Mutuals paid $15.25.
 Sixth race-Mile and three-sixteenths: Kingston beat Firenzi, the only starter, in 200 4-5.
 Seventh raoe-One mile on the turf: Eolo made the running, with Torchlight second, till he went into the stretch, when St. John moved up, and after rattiing finish beat Eolo by head, Eolo second, Lotion third; time, 1:45. Mutuals paid $4620, place $19. 80, Eolo $12.80.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
rELEGRAPHIC JoTTuNGs.

King Oscar yesterday opened the congress of orientalists which assembled in Stockholm, Sweden.
 The public debt statement issued yesterday shows an increase in the debt during August of $6, ,O76, ,69s.
 Wm. 0. Ludwig, one of the foremost busi- ness men and philanthropists of Philadelphia, died yesterday morning, aged seventy-nine years.
 w. B. Greeley of New Hampshire, first assistant examiner in the patent office, has rendered his resignation to take effect imme- diately.
 Universal sympathy is expressed in Mel bourne with the striking dockmen in London and many subscription lists have been open ed for their relief The Protestant Alliance, of England, has resolved to strenuously oppose the govern ment's proposal to establish a Catholic uni versity in Ireland. The body of MT. Bowman, Chicago law yer, was washed away at Scituate, Mass. yesterday. He was drowned while bathing about week ago.
 Jack Quinn, the Scottish lightweight cham pion, defeated Jack Buckley of New Yorl | city in ten rounds, London prize ring rules l yeeterday at East Chester, N. Y.
 Yesterday was Brooklyn day on the battle field at Gettysburg and the Fourth NewYorl cavalry and Tenth New York infantry dedi cated memorials. Mark D. Wilbur delivere' the oration.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
The Threatened Raoe War.

JACKSON, Miss. Sept. Ex-Governor Lowrey arrived by special train from Greenwood this morning at o'clock, having succeeded before he left in getting the armed whites who had homes instead of going to the scene of the threatened race war. The three military companies that left Greenwood by boat last night at 12 o'clock have not been heard from, but it is not believed that there will be any conflict unless it should happen before the troops arrive. A private dispatch from Greenwood was received here late this after noon which said: "All quiet. Troops still up the river"
 The Governor has been trying all day to see Cromwell, the negro leader, but without avail.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
Entertainments.


 A thoroughly pleased and satisfied audience witnessed the first presentation of William Haworth's new drama, "Fern Cliff" at Proct- CTS Opera House last evening. The play is one of intense interest, we'll written and is sure to score success. It is of the samo order as "Held by the Enemy" and like Gillette's masterpiece it is war drama with out blood and thunder. The company is an excellent one and deserves the highest praise. The best of the acting was done by MT. Haworth as "Jim Hewins" and Mir. Wander fclt as "Hewins," both of whom were ad- mirable. Mir. T. J. Herndon as "Dad Hew- ins" was also excellent and so was Miss Fanny Marsh as "Maida." The comedy ele- ment was furnished by Miss Rebeoca Warren and Mir. John B. Maher, two young artists who made the most of their parts. Two ohildren's roles were we'll acted by little Viva and Angela Ogden. The performance will be repeated this evening and it should rel ceive large audience. Mir. Haworth is to be congratulated upon the excellence of his play and the company he has selected to portray it.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
GuILFoRD,s CELEBRATION.

 It's Two Hundrod and Fiftieth Anni-
 versary Near at Hand-The Speak.
 CTS.
 GUnFoRD, Sept. 2.-The people of this old and historic town are preparing to cele" brate the towns two hundred and fiftisth birthday in fitting manner. Tho oslebra- tion is to begin next Sunday morning, when there will be an historical sermon in Madison by the Rev. J. A. Gallup. Madison was formerly part of Guilford and was haown as East dnilford, and will in consequence come in for part in the celebration. Sun- day evening there will be addresses by Rev. J. L. Willard, D. D., of Westville, Rev. Charles Stowe of Hartford and R. L. Chit. tenden of Paradise, Pa.
 Monday morning at 9 o'clock Prof. 0. F Johnson of Trinity college will read . paper on Fitz Green Halleck. Henry P. Robinson will also read paper on Guilford and Madi son in literature. On Tuesday Prof. Samue Hart of Trinity college will deliver the his torical address. Bernard O. Steiner of Balti' more and Miss Kate Foote will also speak On Tuesday afternoon Col. T. Wentworth Higginson, of Cambridge, is to speak or | ssWhitfeld and Higginson."
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
Interstate Commerce Law.

CHICAGO, Sept. 2.-The United States Senate Committee to make an investigation into the workings of the Interstate Com- meroe Law as applied to the carrying of ive- stock and dressed meats began its work here to-day. Senators Vest, Coke and Farwell were present. General Manager Jeffry, of the Illinois Central railroad, as we'll as other carriers and cattle growers gave testimony. The substance of the testimony was that the price of cattle had fallen heavily but there had been no drop in the price of meat.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
Reunion of AboIitionists,

BOSTON, Sept. 2.-The committees of the Wendell Phillips Hall association, the Color- ed league and the Wendell Phillips club held a meeting this evening to make further ar- engagements for reunion of Abolitionists on the anniversary of the issuing of the emanci- patton proclamation. It was determined to hold the meeting on September 23 in Ire mont Temple. One thousand invitations will be sent to anti slavery people through out the country,
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
SOHthfnRtOn.

Sept. 2.-On Wednesday evening David Tatum, a Quaker temperance orator from Cleveland, will deliver an address in the town hall here.
 Labor day was very generally observed, all of the factories being closed. The town was very quiet.
 Miss Rosa Hemingway has gone to the Ad- irondacks, where she will spend the winter. She will be with Mrs. Dr. Fiske.
 The Congregational people made about $45 on their recent festival.
 The Southingtons defeated the West6elds on Monday by score of 8 to 0.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
Labor Days Evening.

NEW YORK, Sept 2.-The great labor hol- iday ended tonight with a mass meeting in Cooper Union for the purpose of advocating the adoption of law making eight hours & days labor. About 5000 persons we're in attendance. Addresses favoring the hours for a days work were adopted. Resolutions were adopted extending sympathy to the striking London dock laborers and subscrip- tions were taken up in their benalf. Other resolutions were passed endorsing the action of the St. Louis convention Of the American Federation of Labor in fixing the date for
 the final inauguration of the eight hour
 working day at May 1. 1890. Dispatches from scores ofIplacesjthroughout the country and Canada indicate that Labor day is fast
 becoming general holiday, even where it is not 80 designated by law. Para des, picnies, regattas, games of all sorts, fireworks, etc., have been the order of the day in every direction.
Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-03
The Last Services.

BRIDGEPORT, Sept. 2.-Funeral services over the remains of Frank Buzzell, the young man who was shot by William Gilbert, were Frank A. Buzzell. the father of the deceased, on John street. The body was not removed from the box in which it was packed in ice, as decomposition had commenced. The ser- vices were conducted by Key. Milledge Walker of St. Paul's Episcopal church, and Rev. MT. Brown of the North Main street M. E. church. The remains will be taken to East Andover, N. H., on late train to- night and final services will be held in church at that place tomorrow afternoon. The body will be inferred at East Andover.