The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-10-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Red hot-A boiled lobster.
The lovers fayorite actor--Mari-us.
ssThe board of arbitration'-A shingle.
Riparion diseases-The cataracts of the
Nile.
The pretty housemaid is the lily of the
valet.
The original "salt union"-Neptune
and Amphitrite.
Smartness is knowing how TO "catch
on;n wisdom, how to let go.
A poor widow-One who can't remain
unmarried any length of time.
An electric spark-Making love by
telegraph. h.- Washington Capjtal.
A drill is a bore-especially to the of
ficer in charge of the awkward squad
Life.
A John Mary Ann is the latest name for
a man that pushes his baby about in a
perambulator.
A good resolution is a fine starting
point, but as a terminus it has no value.
Scranton Truth.
What quiet, economical world we
would live in if it were not for the move
mentS of the under jaw!
''Does the wind always blow this way,
my good man!n "No, it don't. Some
times it blows the other way.'
One of the interesting experiments in
popular chemistry is when youth feeds
his flame with e-cream.-Time.
''What are you digging, dear" Sim
going to plant mashed potatoes. I like
'em better than the other sort. Life.
There is always room at the top-and
when small man gets there, he only
serves to set off the surrounding vacancy.
Judge.
The most unfair thing that happens to
women is that engagements are so short
and marriages so long Binghamton Re-
publican.
Remorsc is a good deal like a wooden
leg. It may help you on your way, but
you always think how much happier you
would be without it.
'Tis the church-bell in the steeple
That to worship calls the people;
'Tis the church-belle in the choir
Calls the young men to admire.
Judge.
The auctioneer is no more liable to in
sanity than anybody else, notwithstand-
ing the fact that he is almost continually
| in a more-bid mental condition. - VASE
iagt0n Capitoi
A shoemaker hung ont new sign, and
| then wondered what passers-by found 50
amusing. His sign ran as follows:
Don't go elsewhere to be cheated.
! Walk in here. '-Net0 York. Tribune.
Prospective Tourist 81 am going
West because l have reason to believe
hat it's a good place to settle in" Re
| mrned Tourist-"I am not so sure of
hat. lived there ten years myself, and
never paid a bill while was there. -
PhiladelpLia Inquirer.
There was little boy
Whose name was Quick"
He knocked off some apples
! With a stick.
The apples We're so good
! That he ate "a,
And now III he was good enoughl
Hes in heaven
-DausriUe Breeze
Well, my boy is through
college now, and guess will start him
in one of the professions. sampson
II think he will make a good physician. ~
simpson Why!' Sampson--''m the
next two years that boy is going to have
as fine set of side whiskers as you ever
saw. Tene HqVie Express.
John Loss consulting a claivoyanb-
MY watch has been stolen, and | want
information that will lead to its recoy,
| cry" ClairyOyant -" "CrosS my palm
with a silver dollar. Qt is done and the
clairvoyant falls into trauccD Your
watch is in the pocket Of a bad man. Find
him; cause his arrest, and the timepiece
will again be yours. '-Jerclers' Weekly,
Weeping Widow-''You are sure, Mr..
Boneplanter, that YOU will conduct every-
hing in satisfactory mannert' Emil
acnt Undertaker-"Ha Have no fear on that
score, beg of you, Mrs. Billhope. OF
all the people / have buried in my long
and successful career am proud TO say
that not one ever raised the slightest OBJ
lection 10 my work, Tore HaHts Es-
! press.
Brother Facktery, who is 10 occupy
TINS pulplt next ouhuay III my absence,
remarked the Kansas City pastor to his
congregation, lis young clergyman re-
siding in ST. Louis. trust you will re-
ceive him with a kindness and cordiality
that may efiectually remove the feeling
Of embarrassment he will naturally eX-
perieuce ON his first appearance before a
metropolitan audience. ~ Chicago Iri-
bURe.
prs.iasnt H.rri.on 1, rsrr f.na Of .h.