Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-09-21
MR.. BOwSER AGAIN.
Trying TO Shave Himself, and . Poor
Business He Made Of Il.

Business He Made OF Ii.
From the Detroit Free Pres.
Mrs. Bowser, do you know how much time
the average man consumes per week in getting
shaved?" gueried Mr.. Bowser, as he entered
the house the other evening with parcel under
his arm.
II do not"
well, figure it at an hour and q half, 70 say
nothing Of the expense. One also runs many
risks by shaving in public place"
"Yes"
And shall hereafter shave myself. I can
DO It in seven or eight minutes, at a cost OF
less than two cents, and l run no risk Of having
my throat cut by some lunatic."
| but"
There you go, Did ever attempt any
thing you didn't Discourage"
but you know you tried il twice and gave
II up and threw your outfits away in disgust"
| And why? Because some one used my
razors to cut kindling wood"
MIR. Bowserr'
''At least it appeared that way to me. And I
got lame arm and we went off on a visit and
tnere were several other reasons. From this
time forward / shall shave myself, and l shall
begin after supper"
After supper he prepared himself with three
so"Sas onu qldft OF not water. ana went up
stairs 10 begin operations. l crept softly up
and took seat on the landing Just as Mr.. Bow
ser mad removed coat and vest and collar and
was mixing the lather While he was soaping his
lace 1 heard MIN growl several times. anu af-
terward ascertained that il was caused by his
jabbing the brush into his mouth and ewes by
mistake. About ene-half Of the lather was de-
posted on his shirt front before he got through.
he was just seventeen mint ties getting ready
tor the razor, and when he took it up heard
him mutter:
This thing handles mighty AWKWARD Ifthat
fellow has gone and sold me left-handed razor
III prosecute him to the last ditchl"
He held 1t IN various positions to get 1.-The
hang" and when he finally got il he made a
careful motion along his right cheek. To his
great delight he didn't cut his head off, On
the contrary, he shaved off a whole spoonful of
lather, and heard him chuckling:
"E8ad. But I'm getting there with both
feet! No barber could beat that!'
Mr.. Bowser wears a moustache, and Is very
proud OF 1t. AT the third or fourth scrape along
his cheek one end of the moustache got in the
way OF the razor, and q share of il was carried
overheard, SO to speak
by thunder" gasped Mr.. Bowser, as he re-
garded the damage, and he carefully washed all
the lather off that side to closer inspect the
calamity. Investigation proved that the dam
age was not beyond repair, and he renewed the
lather and went ahead.
In the course of the next fifteen minutes Mr.
Bowser must have removed as many as two
hairs from his face. and he uttered fully one
hundred signs and grunts. He tried the razor
IN his right hand and in his left and in every
conceivable position, and he brushed on the
iather until hoe would scarcely have scraped
it off.
You see" heard him saying to himself, "a
fellow has to fool around awhile to get conf
dence in himself. expected it would take me
about half an hour this time, but inside OF
week III make clean shave inside OF five min
utes. There-that's a good Job"
He wet a towel and wiped the lather of his
face and took look in the glass. The result
astonished HIM. So far as he could see he had
not removed one single beard. He had scraped
on the lather hut the beard was still there
He growled away for awhile and then mixed a
fresh lot of lather and brushed it on and after
satisfying himself that the razors edge was all
right by cutting a hair pulled from his head,
he laid 1t against his chin. He gradually
turned IT up and began to scrape, and heard
him softly saying:
Now, then, I've got the real hang OF il.
was carrying it too fat. There's trick"
Two things suddenly happened. He cut the
ieft corner OF his moustache of and gashed
his chin at the same stroke, and the next IN
slant he bounded into the hall and shouted for
me.
We'll, what is it?" asked as rose up.
LOOK here! I'm fatally woundedr' he cried,
as he danced around the hall
Let me see. Why, it's nothing but slight
cut Let me wash the lather of"
1t was lively cut, and it bled freely for a
quarter OF an hour, during which time Mr. Bow
ser did great deal Of signing and eroauing
and forgot about his moustache. When had
piastered up the cut he returned to the glass,
discovered that his moustache was lop-sided,
and wheeled on me to exclaim:
Look at Il! Look at that, Mrs Bowserl"
=, "Ies, you aaggled your moustache. III get
the shears and trim it off,"
Never, Keep right away from mel Mrs
Bowser, your plot has been discovered"
Don't be so foolish, Mr.. Bowser. told YOU
you couldn't shave yourself"
1T Is all as plain as day now" he cont ued.
as he upset the lather cup and walked through
Its contents; you probably figured that I'd cut
my throat. You were sitting at the head of the
stairs TO catch my death rattle"
Did L tell you to bring home that razor?
DIDN'T try TO discourage you from shaving?"
He turned from me without a reply and I
went down stairs. He came down after about
half an hour. He had been obliged TO sacrifice
a third OF his moustache to get it in proper
shape again, and the lather which had gotten
into his eyes gave him the appearance of hay-
ing wept for a week.
It's too bad" said, breaking q long and
embarrassing silence.
'Oh, 1t is, is itr" he sneered in reply. "Too
bad that I'm not lying a headless corpse up
stairs and you figuring on ny life insurance.
Wen, its no use to talk to you Mr.. Bowser."
mot bit, Mrs. Bowser. You had a plan. I
checkmated it. You stand revealed In yonr
true light as would-be Borgia or worse. This
is the last straw, Mrs. Bowser-the very last
In the morning will talk business"
But when morning came he didn't have a
word to say. found his shaving outfit in the
side yard, where he had thrown it from the