davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Not an Even Start in the Race.
fRuf,ulo Erpress.l


A commercial traveller who has just returned
from small town in Michigan relates a funny
incident that occurred in little hotel in that
traveller who came in and inquired for a room
was told by the clerk that every room in the
house, where it was possible had two beds in it
already, except one, and that was occupied by
an old farmer who snored loud enough to kill
a horse.
"Is that all?" exclaimed the traveller, iubi-
lantly.
why, man, want you to know that am
the champion snorer in my town, and any
body who can beat me at it must be q cuckoo
Just put bed in that room for me-"
The clerk told him that it was useless, but
the traveller insisted.
"Pll tell you what I'll do said he, "Pll
just bet you So my snoring drives him out OF
the ROOM"
The clerk was looking for cinches, and
snapped the bet up quick. Time wore on until
the hour for retiring. Singuarly both men
wendell their way upstairs together. The
clerk awaited further developments. About
an hour afterward a rustling was heard up
above, and the traveller, half-dressed, with his
coat, vest and shirt on his arm, came shutting
down the steps. Suddenly he walked over to
the desk and planked down V.
" j told you SC" said the clerk, who fairly
rolled over with laughter.
whats ailing you, you gilly?" said the
traveller with string of oathS, "Pd have Won
the bet all right, but the sun-Of-a-gun got to
sleep first"
He slept on hardwood bench for the rest Of
the night.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
The Whole Truth.

The stupidity of servants is a trial to the
most even tempered mistress, but it sometimes
serves to amuse the other members of the house
hold, says the Youths Companion There was
girl who belonged in the familiar category Of
children and FOOLS"
IF anyone should call this afternoon, Mary
say that 1 am not well" said a mistress to a
newly engaged servant I'm afraid / ate a
little too much of that rich pudding for dinner
and it, or something else, has brought on
severe headache l am going to lie down."
A few moments later the mistress, from her
room near the head of the stairs, heard Mary
say to two aristocratic ladies who called for the
first time:
"Yes'm. Mrs. R is to home, but she eat
so much pudding for dinner she had to go tC
bed
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Two Strings to His Bow,
[Philadelphia Inquirer

No. William, she said coldly, with side
long glance to note the effect of her words, II
cannot be your wife. You smoke and you
sometimes drink. l have registered VOW not
to marry man who has either of these vices"
"All right, Maria" was the humble reply.
"And now will you please ask your younger
sister Lulu to come down stairs moment?
She said, when she kissed me good-by last
night, that she would gladly have me if you
refusedD
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
FOR THE LADIES.

A well-known English actress is angry because
manufacturer of false teeth has placarded his
town with pictures representing her before and
after taking a set of his famous teeth The " be-
fore y portrait is the one which makes her angry.
There is mania among fashionable women for
finding words or phrases with which to precede
the signatures to their letters The generality of
women use " Yours truly a lesser number, Sin
cerely yours" and q few more, =" As ever or
Cordially 1t is interesting to learn that Mrs.
Cleveland and Ameie Rives both conclude their
private correspondence with the brief Cordially
april Table Tttik.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11

They were passing under the elevated rail
road, and the din overhead was almost deafen-
ing.
This hustle makes my head ache " she said.
Probably" observed he, IF you were to
wear a smaller one"
Sir" she Indignantly cried. at mean the
noise confuses me-"
Il beg your pardon" stammered he. at am
confused, too"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
PERSONS AND THINGS.

For the first time in the history of the Great
Eastern she has cleared profit for her owners
She was launched on jan 81, 1858, and her cost
complete was about S4250,000. She was employed
in various ways, but in none more successfully
than the laying of the Atlantic cable few months
ago she was sold for 100000. Her new owners
have recently sold the huh and fittings as follows
The copper brought sI3,450, the brass, SI9 coo.
gun metal, S22,400, lead, $20925, outer iron
plates S26 800 inner iron plates rivets and beams
Sol ,l50, the anchors, about 81 500 This will give
the owners profit OF more than 100000
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Inanenral Souvenirs.

The original, beautiful souvenirs programs,
and tickets of admission to the Inaugural Ball,
all complete, can be had of Tyssowski Bros,
Washington, d. C. This is a good opportunity
to obtain an appropriate relic of the grandest
inauguration the country has ever seen. The
price will be $3.50 for the whole, postage
cents. There are only about 200 left, and no
more can be had at any price.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
The Mcclellan Mnnument.

The George B. Mcclellan Memorial Associa-
ton last week awarded the contract for the
to be erected in honor of Little
Mac" to J. II. Ellcott, sculptor and designer,
at a price of $25,009. The monument will be
unvailed on Sept. II next, the 9th anniversary
of the battle of Antietam.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Debated Etiquet.

Your question puzzles US. You ask: "What
is the correct course for young man, who,
while eating oysters in restaurant in COM
pany with a young lady, suddenly finds out
that he has questionable oyster inhis mouth ~
We shonld say that the most expedient plan
would be to call the ladys attention to the cell
ing; then extract the oyster and throw it at the
waiter
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Dental Acumen.
[PhRadelphia Recort

II IttiUuttINttU ItetUF III
Customer see you are advertising full sets
of teeth for 49,
Dentist (cautiously)-Y-e-s, sir. Do you live
at home?
Customer-No, board.
Dentist with dignity)-You certainly can
not expect an So set to be of any use in board
ing-house, sir. My charge to you will be $25
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Yours, respectfully,
CHAS. e. WEBB

A treatise OF 900 pages With ECO
illustrations sent free ; also a copy
right formula, By which limbs can
be made and sent % all parts Of the
world with Guaranteed Success
without requiring the presence Of
the Wearer.
The highest awards received as
every exhibition. Endorsed By the
United states Government and COM
missiOned by the Surgeon General
of the United States Army TO supply
limbs to pensioners Of the United
states
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Photogranhs of Rattlefinus.

Comrade George Brentlingcr, a disabled sol
der Of the Goth Ohio, Mount Vernon; O., has
secured photographs of the Ohio battlefags now
in the Reic-Room at Columbus, and offers to
send copies to any address for 81 cents, not in
stamps.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Unfortunate Absence of Mind.

II5UfttiIgJUIL Ifte 7 Ita0I
Miss Uppercrust {who has been waiting out
side in the coupe)-What keeps you so long,
mamma? Couldn't you match the braid2
Mrs Uppercrust-Oh, yes! But / inadvert-
emily put my purse into my pocket and it took
me nearly half an hour to find it again.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
True Love,
TFpocb !

Lulu-Sir Herbert proposed, and said he
could put a million at my feet. l like him,
but like American Jack better, and as he of
fered million, too accepted him.
Elsie-Idiot! Sir Herbert meant million
pounds five of our millions.
Lulu-Oh did he? Boo, hoo!
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
A Mild Hint.
hrdrnl

Ethel (as the old gentlemen enters)-WeI,
Papa, what is it2
Old Scroggs-Heres an umbrella I've brought
for George. 1t looks as if it would rain before
morning
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11

Sufferers from Coughs, Sore Threats, etc,
should try BrotVn's Bronchial Trocfes" simple
but sure remedy. Sold only ia boreS Price Is cts.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Attention. Ladies' /!

Wanted, correspondence from ladies by ar
ex-soldier. All letters answered. Address
letters to No. 103 North State street, Bloom.
inptop. III.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Well Heeled.
LSalt Lake Herald

Teacher Ito member of class in botany
And what would you say of flower with two
pistils?
Bright pupil (eagerly)-I should say, man,
that it was well heeled
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Reckoning by Wrecks.

Wrecks are the great epochs in the Bahama
Islands. Ask man how old he is and he will
reply: "'Bout ten year older dan de wreck of
de Southern Queen" or Bon jes' befo' de brig
Holifax went asho' on de pint"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Never!
IChicnnn Tribunal

Lion in New York menagerie (snifing at
Gotham newspaper reporter who has just en-
tered the cage)-Shall we eat him
Lioness-Eat him 2 Faugh! Can't you see
he's a retsmoker
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
A Dudes Conundrum.

lNe0 1OT6 hefdtd
Smart Alick-It is curious: half moon is
heavier than full one.
Gentle Delia-Why. how is that
S.A.-The full moon is the lightest isn't it?
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
HUMoR.
A Contented Mind.

Papa THAT is to be What are your prospects,
Mr.. De Brazeu?
Mr. De Brazen-Merely that of being your
son-in-law, sir. l don't want anything better.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
Washington as a Farmer.

From profusely illustrated series of articles
on the Centennial of Washington's Inaugural
ton we quote the following: " Good reason had
NJ. Brissot de Warvile the traveller and author
the brisk little Frenchman' who became
chief of the Girondists and died by the guillo-
tine in 1885, to cry out in establishment of tie
Generals success in farming when he went
the rounds of Mount Vernon in the Autumn of
pitch of improvement they ever attained, crops
of wheat, tobacco, corn, barley and buekwheat
'burdening the ground What excited the
Frenchman's chief surprise was that every
barn and cabin, grove and clearing, field and
orchard passed daily beneath the eye of the
master. All the busy life of the negro world
was regulated by his personal directions to
overseers and bailiff. No item was too insig-
nifcant to bring before his notice. The minut-
est contract for work agreed upon was put into
writing. How curious, for example, the agree
ment with Philip Barter, the gardener, found
among Washington's papers, wherein Philip
binds himself to keep sober for year, and to
fulfill his duties on the place, if allowed four
dollars at Christmas, with which to be drunk
four days and four nights; twodollars at Easter,
TO effect the same purpose; two dollars at Whit
suutide, to be drunk for two days; dram in
the morning and drink of grog at dinner, at
noon. For the true and faithful performance
of all these things, the parties have hereunto
set their hands, this twenty-third day of April
Ammo Domini, 1877.
his
"'PHILIP X BARTER,
StGFOPGE w ASxTrErron
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
MCDovoUGH. \. T., Nov. /, 1887.

McDoScUGH, y. r, Nov. I, 1857.
Ma A. A. MARKS.
DEAR SIR ] have worn one OF
your artificial legs for nearly 1Ve
Years, and / am exceedingly we'll
with il. The rubber foot Is
a grand invention f; no Sgueaking
or getting out OF order. am farm
ing and 20 all my WorS, such as
pi0wing, sowing, grading, and
everything q farmer has 20 DO. I
have q farm Of1GO acres, and do not
keep anyone 20 work for me. ] can
recommend you very highly in fit-
ting from measurements. Y OU could
not have fitted mine better If I had
come 70 you.
Yours, respectfully,
~ " Z I. y
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11

Artificial Arms and Legs With Rubber Hands and F eel
MARKS PATENTG

MARKS PATENTS)
Over e,000 In actual use through
out the civilized world.
The use Of rubber hands and feet
on artificial limbs slmpIifies the
construction, so that limbs can be
worn for many years without re-
curing repairs Persons engaged
IN every conceivable occupation
OPerlte on rubber feet, or use rubber
hands 70 great advantage.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11

Even the edge of stream of soft water can
cut its way into a bank.-Binghamto Repu5-
can
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11

at LOWER
e er be-
ed. By the
they origi-
never have
ready-made
but G. q T
GARMENT
which oil
-o 81 q n
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-04-11
his
"'PHILIP X BARTER,
Both of Them Confused.
mark.
GEORGE WASHINGTON.

w llDSSos
"'GEoRGE A. WASHINGTON,
"'ToBIAs LEAR"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1889-05-23
Salt tor Black Weeyil.

will state for the information of all
interested that the common black
weevil a be kept out Of corn after it
Is gathered. or killed il already in il.
oy mixing salt through the corn as il
Is put in the crib. and occasionally
sprinkling the corr with water TO
cause the salt TO dissolve. 1t is not
necessary to dissolve all the salt at the
time OF cribbing the corn. As il will
continue 10 dissolve. except in dry and
windy weather. and will do so even in
dry weather il it IS very warm Do o
throw the water on in Quantities. as i
the custom OF some persons in this
section This causes the water
and salt to run through to the
bottom in large quantities. result
Ing IN damage to the corn at the bot
tom. also to the flooring and founda-
ton OF the crib; besides. it may no,
leave enough salt in the upper portion
OF the corn Some years since I 10
tlced here a small weeyiI in cottou-seed
meal The same weeviI. or one very
much resembling it. is now to be found
IN corn here The salt and water
remedy does not entirely exterminate
the brown weevil. but lessons their
numbers This weeyil damages corn
very little / also had mites in nv
corn the past fall. which the salt and
water exterminated as we'll as the
black weeviL-L l. Hardy. in Home
Jo4rnaL
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1889-05-23
FARMER


In 4 stady OF the life Of Washing
ton As n planter said DR.. TOuer. zone
thing that astouishes me il the AMOUNT
Of energy the man was constantly ex-
pending. up early in the morning.
writing letters. planning Improvements
for or visiting his plantations and en-
~coUraging and i~nstructing his over
sesrs both AZ seed time and harvest.
directing carpenters. milIwrights and
men AZ almost every kind Of work that
he carried on "a develop and improve
his plantations He had three fishing
lAndings "a his estate. a ferry and two
mills These were al created By his
own energy. foresight and manage
nelt He Vas IN the habit Of con-
trbrtiag With merchants n Alexandria
o. Norfolk 70 take Al his four for the
ssasou aad al his catch Of fish. both
herring AMI shad. ether thar What b.
reserved for U.s. OF his plantations
The dSA we're owned and stored
n his - ash-house. but at the risk
Of the merchant contracting He Wa
\ thorough business man. uegIecting
nothing thai promised a revenue and
return for labor He supervised all
his farm arrangements He made
with his own mechanics. plows and
harrOws. repaired the farm machinery
II his own shops and made substantial
Improvements upon the pillow in use in
his day After the revolution. when
be enlarged his mansion Mt Mount
Vernon and laid out the Land at the
vest OF the house in an ornamental
manner. he endeavored to transplant
70 IL specimens OF nearly every native
tree that could at all add TO its beauty
or novelty. and his diary says that
while riding through the woods or
surveying wherever he saw a hand
some specimen OF some tree no. already
planted he would take note Of its To-
eality, and at n proper season would
have It removed and planted in the
western lawn at Mount Vernon.--
Washington Star.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1889-05-23

Rheumatism and cntarrh are both blood
diseases In many severe cases they have
yielded TO treatment with B. b B. Botanic
Blood Bslml. made by Blood Balm Co. At
Ianta, Ca Write for book Of convincing
proofs. Sent free.
r. p. Dodge, Atlanta Ga, says: MY wife
had catzrrh and nothing did her any gpot
Her constitution finally failed and poison
got into her blood I placed her on . use Of
B. B. b.. and TO my surprise her recovery
was rapid and complete"
W. p. Mcdaniel, Atlanta. Ga, writes: Il
was much emaciated and bad rheumatism
so bad / could not get along without
crutches> also had neuralgia in the head
First class PHYSICIANS did me no good
Then I tried B. b. b. and its effects were
magical l eheerfnlly recommend IL - .
good tonic and quick cure"
Mrs Matilda Nichols. Knoxville, Tenn.
writes: II bad catarrh SIX years and n most
distressing cough and my eyes were much
swollen Five bottles OF B. b. B., thank
God cured me"
John NJ Davis, Tyler. Texas, writesi Il
was subject a number Of years 10 spells Of
in1Am N Afory rheumatism. which six bot
ties Of B. b. B., hank heaven, has entirely
cured I have not felt the slightest pain
since
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1889-05-23
CHEAP STONE FENCE


To build 4 stoue-xalI Of the reylla
ton pattern Is indeed = doubtful
process. but many fields arr 80 stony
that something must be done With
them. and this II often a good way.
Throw them into q Iccse heap on the
line Of the fence. making il as nearly
triangular in sections as possible. II
may be necessary to gather up stones
scattered at the base. and put them on
the top; aside FROM this it Is built n
fast as the stones can be thrown from
the wagon and piled in this manner
they are much more bulky than IL laid
into solid wall thus making more
fence The width Gu the ground may
be four feet. the height three feet
Now lay \ line of rails on blocks upou
the summit. tapping the ends. set q
pair Of stakes at each joint. and finish
OF with riders. Two hands will make
ten rods or ; in a day IL the picking
Is good. and clearing the land oil
the stones pays for the hauling. 80 you
get tie fence for nothing. aside FROM
the rails This method Is nj least
ahead of heaping up stone in the
fields. and then fencing with boards or
wire. as Is 20 often done. and better
than trying 70 wear the stones out With
the pIow and drag There will always
De rails enough to give two or three tc
the length. especially rs rails used in
this way last much longer than the
rails in the old-fashioued rail fencs
used to; they rotted of at the end
where they crossed each other, leav-
ing the middle sound. IL poles are
used it will pay to cut them at a time
when they will peel. and take the bars
or Adeep back-furrow of the right
width as a base will economic stone
The point you are Just about to raise
that such a fence covers too much
ground Is rot veil taken Carefully
estimate the width Of the strir
whose produce Is expended il
keeping up a stock of posts
boards. wire, nails. etc. and you vii
ind. perhaps. that your progressed
fences without thickness are the wides
OF any except stonewalL-E s Gil
bert. In " Y. Tribune
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1889-05-23
HOME N FARM.

A light harrow run over the corn
ground three or four times. the first
three weeks after planting. means a
heavy corn crop
Cold boiled rice. ~alternated with
tomatoes, well-buttered and seasoned.
bread crumbled on the top. and baked
one hour. makes sgood vegetable dish
The quickest way to fatten IN old
COW Is to con6ne her in a small yard
and give her all the ground grain and
hay she can a She should be gotten
in condition in rs short a time a pos
sible.
The writer of an essay on blowing
says the common practice Of running
the pillow the same depth every year Is
apt to make a hard path b. packing
the soil where the share scraPes
over it..
Don't ,.udy stock feeding so hard
that you will neglect to make proper
provisions for the feeding Of your fam
ily. See that you have a good garden
that will allow you TO vary the diet of
pork and potatoes -Weste Plow-
man
Sheep should never be allowed tc
pasture on land which has been top
dressed with manure. uOr to Craze on
land which is liable to be Overiiowed.
or which contains stagnant pools. on
account of the danger of the sheep be-
coming infected with parasitical life.
Cold oast or boiled meat cut up
In dice. highly seasoned and moisteued
with its own gravy or rich stock. and
covered with a layer Of cOld-boiled
rice. buttered on the top. and baked
an hour. makes an economical and
convenient dish
While it Is desirable to commence
work as Dor as possible in the spring.
there is nothing gained in attempting
to work the soil until il Is sufficiently
dried out to work readily into n good
filth. and sufficiently dry and warm to
induce u good termination Of the seed
and u vigorous start to germ OF the
plants
dressed Spinach: Wash spinach
and put in a pot without water. When
tender. squeeze dry Put a teacup OF
cream in 4 saucepan with u table,
spoonful OF butter rolled in iour. let
heat Chop one hard-boiled egg in
small pieces and put in. pour over the
spinach and garuish with slices OF
hard-boiled e~gg.-Farm and Fireside.
-Milles and Hungarian grass are
very similar in appearance. bat the
millet grows higher and affords bat
n cutting, while the Hungarian grass
can be cut every five weeks If the soil
ID rich They are summer crops. and
are % usually sowg until May The
hay from millet and Hungarian grass
Is highly relished by all classes oI
stock. and the yield Is usually heavy.
The ground should be well manfred.
narrowed iae and ten quarts Of seed
per acre or even more II q thick
yrpwth L desired.