The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1889-08-24
N'DOVELL AND MERCER.
These Dispositions Read by the
Contest Committee,
ONLY WRIT COUNTY REMAINS,
The Adamantine Cheek Of the Demo-
cratic Organ q Fruitful Source
of Amusement to the Intelli-
gencer's Terra Alta Man.
Special Dl.pqteA b ne lnlaltgaog,

W Nhh9VmpHN w Wv ANsSN
gencer's Terra Alta Man.
Special DispateA % Ne hteligae4,
TERRA ALTA, August 2S,-The contes
committee this afternoon finished read
ing the counties OF Mercer and Mellow
ell, All the counties have been reat
excepting Writ the depositions from
which have been mislaid, These are OF
behalf Of General Gof. He assails eighI
votes in Writ county, On Monday the
committee will begin TO pass upon the
votes assailed in the counties Of Mercer
and Mcdowell. As they are large
number, 1t is not likely these counties
can be completed before the last Of next
week,
The dear old lady, the Register, has
another narrowing attack this time in
her editorial region. The deCrepit con-
dition Of her spine Is truly distressing,
but when pains seize her In the usually
vacant part Of her person, her gyrations
are at once thrilling, absorbing and
indesCribable. II the darling old crea'
ture were to get anything the matter
with her cheek, then her convulslons
would shake the universe.
A LRoEND,
There is alegend up in Brooke county,
that twenty-five years ago a thoughtless
and importunate mule kicked the gen
eral manager Of tho now venerable Re-
giSier on tho territory oyer.spreading his
Jaw bone. The poorand erring creature
jammed Its leg up into It's brain and i'm.
mediately laid down beneath the beau
tiful and brilliant sky and died, o victim
10 Its own lack Of discrimination, The
recipient OF the Caress has never to
this day found out about 1t,
The columns OF the Register large.
ly corrohorate this romantic and
beautiful tale. Any newspaper
that can talk about the perpetraliOn Of
systematic fraud in the election last No.
vember, In this State that persists In re.
vamping exploded iabrications about cor
rupt practices by Republican candidates
and politicians; that at this late stage In
the proceedings talks about the honest
majority OF Fleming for Governor, GER
tainly has cheek beyond belief. CANT
the brassy old reporter OF fairy anec.
dotes and deceased ialsehoods, of base
ISLANDERS on the voters OF the State, see
that she Is exposing herself TO the
amused gaze Of the public2 II Is that
illimitable cheek that keeps her from be.
ing ashamed OF herself.
AN ANECDoTE.
In this mornings Register she tries to
be funny over the situation. Her wit
would harrow up sLubblO field. Her
humor and her wisdom are in an In.
yers ratio 10 her cheek. When the old
lady gets on a full head Of steam In this
direction she plays the mischief. She Is
fully equal 10 the little steamer that
used 10 run on the Kanawha
river, and which kept up an In.
fernal putting. Every time the pilot
blew the whistle 1t stopped the boat.
The Register ought not 10 try TO smile.
Her mirth is like that OF the untamed
bass viol. When she exhibits before
the public, II Is not what she does that
interests; instead, 1t is the creakings and
motions OF the old paraphernalia that
she thinks is out Of sight, but that Is all
visible.
According TO the Registers tale a two.
cent pOBtApe Btatnp and the truth beat
electricity and Misrepresentation all
hollow In the race from Terra Alta TO
Wheeling. II this is so, then this is
indeed an age Of progress. The INTEL.
LIaEScER's Nye conRratulates himself
over one thing, the Register Is not nigh
10 anythiDg-espeCially comprehen.
sion Of tho Gubernatorial contest, and
he is.
VERY REFRESHING.
How refreshing is the idea the excru'
ciating humorist OF the Register gets of
about herding nine paupers at fifty odd
voting places in Kauawha county. How
the sixth part OF a pauper swarmed
aroEnd the polls, and fell doRn over the
fitieth part Of the one idiot allowed Ia
vote In all Kanawha county, and he
was not much OF an idiot either.
The old girl with the disordered edi'
torial department thinks misunderstand
ings about county lines rich and rare
but her laugh Is like the delicate smile
OF a hyena driven away from It's prey
The fact that nearly all the few illegal
votes cast III this State last fall were
through misunderstanding, Is what
causes the pain that Is disclosed between
the lines Of this wonderful and grotesque
mirth.
Another phase Of this radiant humor
10 to take a typographical error, in the
use OF the word "lhtir" for there" aE
applied to the 1NTEILl0RNCER's dis.
patches, and try 10 make II appear that
the old granny was avoiding claims oj
knowledge OF what the committee would
do In the future, Yet the fun comes ini
after all, at the Rsgisier', unconscious
satire on herself. A week or ten days
before the contest committee began 10
decide ON votes assailed In Kanawha
and other counties she commenced 10
toretell the result.
The Registers final jest 10 fully up 10
the standard Of her brilliant tombstone
humor. She has claimed In her wild,
picturesque, bad. English sort Of o way
that ballot box In West Virginia would
be yindiCated. In The old girls wierd
wit, 10 yindiCate Is 10 demonstrate %
bad, 10 prove guilty. II is that illimit-
abie array OF cheek that enables her 10