The enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 188?-1899, 1889-11-13
CAUSES OF THE CYCLONE
Considered by the Wellington Deiega-
tlon Before sailing up Salt River.
CHAPTER |.

CHAPTER /.
Before sailing up Salt river the Repub-
lican delegation held a conference to con-
dole with each other and to consider the
causes which caused the calamity. vs..
was chosen President
ut becomes my painful duty to an.
nounce that the Campbells have come ana
we must go up Salt river" said the Presi'
dent, as the last sad notes OF the funeral
dirge died away. "Word has been re-
ceived that Joseph Benson Foraker Is no
more. He became Governor four years
ago and his interest in being Governor
was unabated up to his dying hour; and
he wanted to be Governor again, so the
rebel flags could not be surrendered. In
his untimely taking off we have lost
Presidential possibility, but we have
gained some experience-in case we feel
like accepting It. Since Tuesdays cyclone
have been seeking consolation in the
holy Bible, and find II says that camel
can't crawl through needles eye, but it
nowhere says that camel can't go through
barn door, We held the needle In front
Of us and felt safe; but we left the barn
door open, and the camel came swiftly
over the desert OF gravel and got In. Let
US now proceed to business"
When the Colonel, the Chairman of the
Committee on the "Causes of the Calamity
was asked for the list Of causes 10 be con.
sidered and goted on, he felt in all bis
pockets in confused manner, and would
have tainted away had not Stan. pricked
him in the leg with his tin sword at the
proper instant. The list was missing. He
again went through his pockets, pulled off
his boots, and searched his cooked hat,
but without ssuccess. He then made up
his miud that the causes had been lost
with his bets. He begged leave to remark
that, in his opinion, "the cause is the re-
suit Of temperance tomfoolery, and orders
must be issued commanding a halt. The
Republicans who scratched the Governor
and voted for me comprehend the situa-
ton. Around this nucleus will gather a
host that will sweep the camels back into
the desert where there is even no water.
Them s my sentiments"
"As the Colonel has lost the report Of
the Committee on Causes" said the Pres
ident each one Of you will be allowed
to submit minority report"
Al this juncture Bro W. arose to make
a statement He had pondcred on the
causes aud had arrived ut the conclusion
that the Cyclone was caused by the failure
to convict the drug stores of selling claret
wine to Geo dill on or about the Goth oi
August.
w, W. remarked that there might be
something in that, but, 10 his opinion, the |
cyclone was caused by The refusal Of Mr.. |
Republican TO wed Miss Prohibition. |
There is nothing so terrible as a woman
scorned. For years Miss p. has been wait |
ing for Mr. r. to propose, and saying to
him, 81 am alone, want husband-some-
body to take care of me. Here | am; |
have little something, as you know. Let
us get hitched and pull together. and vic
tory will perch"
"Perch on hddlesticks," broke in A. G.
The thing to do is to pickle Miss p. In
alcohol and send her to Hel-wig. She had
better get divorce from Mr. d. before
she talks about marrying Mr.. r. She
beat Blaine, and this is the second time
she has licked Foraker; and I'll be id
If III 90 TO the weddin'."
You will have TO restrain your feelings
n little, A. g." said the President. "This
js a solemn time, and we should talk scrip.
fure. When we are whipped it is not best
to look cross-eyed and ugly. The Prohibs.
have no time or inclination to mind cuss-
words, Are there any more minority re.
ports on causesY"
Timothy arose. As he understood it,
both Republication and Democracy move
across the country in tidal waves. lie had
no melton or resolution TO offer, but II the
starting point Of the Democratic waves
could be discovered, and If the Colonel
was on hand to order them back, couldn't
they be stopped' He wanted the deep
thinkers Of the delegation TO ponder on 1t
and make a report
W. r. had something on his mind. He
had had some experience with tidal waves
and was amazed at their actions. In 1872
a tidal wave seemed to be forming on the
political ocean that would sweep Horace
Greely high and dry into the White House;
but when the returns from Ashtabula came
in there was not even ripple.
II amt no oritator" said Dell, "bat l
tell you we got licked cause Foraker was
scratched too much"
"That's the size on il, by gid" observed
o.P.
The cause Of the accident, in my opin-
ion, remarked S. K, twas the putting the
on the wrong end Of the
limited express for at the rate II Travelled
there was nothing to prevent the camel
from strolling In the back end Of the trim
and swallowing the conductor"