Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1889-05-23
WIT AND HUM0R.
A stand for the write-The inkstsnd.

boys are going home.-Net0 Orleans
PicayuHe.
Stranger 60 man with big diamond)
Hotel clerk, ehP Bejeweled indi-
vidual-No, sir; Iowa druggist.-St.
Paul Pioneer Press.
She enthusiastically - All, how
nice it must be to be famousl How l
wish | had a name! He (bashfully)-
Aw-er-what would you say to miner
Ones a Week.
The Emperor of China is said to en-
ploy ten men to carry his umbrella.
1t is quite evident that this youthful
potentate is prepared for hard reign.
--Harper's Bazar.
The alleged maple sugar which
comes so early in the spring resembles
the sweet girl who makes you think
she admires you. 1t is a sugar fraud.
boston Transcript.
II owe frightful lot of money,
don't see how on earth | can ever pay"
why don't you borrow enough to set
tie with your creditors and then start
clear. "-Harper's Bazar.
Sunday-school teacher-We are told
here that the prophet rent his clothes.
Why did he do that? Tommy Squil-
dig-P'raps he couldn't afford to buy
'em. -PAtS5urg Chronicle.
Miss Reeder-''Y should read DR..
Weir G. Mtchell's last story-the scene
is laid in the lumber regions" Dir.
Schmers-"Ah, / see-in the small-of-
the-back-woods, you mean. '-Pac6.
'Can YOU tell me where | can find
'Rienzi's Address P' asked a young
lady of a clerk in a Brooklyn book
store. Have YOU looked in the di-
rectory?' he replied, -H2yper's Basar.
Some scientific men declare that it is
impossible for man to think without
words. That may be, but we all know
that it is possible for man TO use words
without thinking. - S0nlerD3lG JOUrHdL
Social philosopher" Fifty years ago
our statesmen aud orators doomed up
among tie first in the world Where
are they now?" Able editor-"In
newspaper offices. n-NtU York. Week
ty.
There is only one bigger bore than
the man who is always talking about
the DAYS when he was rich. and that is
the man who continually brags about
how poor he used 10 be.-Ierre Haatc
Express.
Beggar-Please give me a dime. Do
not Judge me by present appearance,
but remember once did business with
Jay Gould. Citizen-I believe you,
my man, believe you. Here's dol
lar. Epoch.
Bella-Don't look like a perfect
fright in my new sacque, though?
Clara (absent mindedly)-Yes. Bella
You mean thing! I'll never speak
to YOU again as long as | live.-Bur-
iiRgtoH Free Press.
Wickwire My belief is that we will
all follow the same occupation in the
next world that we do here. Yabsley
Sop What use will there be for
plumbers where there is no waterp-
Terre Haute Express.
The oil of black birch is product
almost as precious as the altar of roses.
and is worth about $50 per gallon. As
for the ordinary birch and hickory oil
well, we all remember what it used
to briug.-OH city Btszzard.
Philadelphia art dealer - Live in
New York, eh?' New Yorker (proud-
WI am an Alderman in that city,
sir" 20! James, show the gentle
man our new stock of harroom pic
lures. '-Phjiadetphta Record
Goldsmjth-'M Smart, why are
YOU like large calibre cannon when
YOU leave my store2' Smart-"l don't
know. l give it up Goldsmith
because You always go oil with a
hoavy charge. "-Jeloelers' Weekly.
20, for the golden age of lettersr'
said the comic editor. The past con-
tains all, the present nothing, the flu
ture no promise" "Ahi" replied Cyni-
Gus; "and that is why you print only
sixteen century jests, l presumeP'-
Haper's Btsar.
Managing editor-Did you prepare
that article on The Intellectual At
tainment of the Four Hundred?' Re-
porter-Yes, sir. Managing editor
About how much space Wilt occupy
| Reporter-About six lines. Barring
ton Free Press.
Dr.. Physick Your blood appears to
be little out of order, madam, | will
,end YOU something which will purify
it. Mrs Murray Hill Indignantly -
Purify my blood, slrP Are YOU not
aware that am one of the Four Hun
bred p oWH Topics.
The young man in Montana who
shot himself because his sweetheart
rejected him missed opa of the keenest
pleasures of life. He should have
married her neghbor and bought for
his wife the prettiest spring bonnet
that came TO his town,-FOrt Worth
Gazette.
Wife-Seems to me you're home late
tonight! What's the reason, dearP
Husband-l met two old friends, and
they have been entertaining me for the
last two hours Wife-How nice fol
you. Who We're they, prayP Hus-
band-Tom and Jerry. r. Nei0 York
Graphic.
"For shame, William. to come home
to your wife so late, Last night it was
u, and now it is actually O clock in
{ .t,, r,,crrfnrr aAEpn we'll my Iar.