The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-06-29

must watch and walt but first class
funeral for thirty dolars Ohmy, It won't
bear thinking of
Whoever uses Webster's Dictionary will
find on the early pages the name of Merriam.
Two brothers of that name inherited the
copyright, and for many years they were
the sole recipients of the immense profits of
that remarkable work. One of the Mer-
riams, crusty old bachelor settled on
Long Island, and became a school teacher
and dying a couple of years ago left all his
fortune to the United States Government,
though he had lots of relatives who ar
now industriously trying to break the will.
In his lifetime Mr.. Merriam was not a
particularly pleasant neighbor, and one of
his most pronounced antipaties was red
headed women. The sight Of those rich
amber glorios that are invariably accom-
panied by white horse, affected MI.
Merriam like an attack of pleuro pneumo-
mia, and he found no peace till the hated
object was removed from his sight. One
of the teachers in Mr.. Merriam's school
had this distinguishing female glory, and
the sight of her acted ON him like bad
case of malaria, so he determined to get
rid of her or die lie hired boys to pet
her with spit-balls, and one big country
| lout was brbed with twenty-five cents to
kiss her before all the scholars, in hopes
after suffering this public disgrace she
would fy the school for very shame. But
the the teacher had been there before many
a time. and she didn't scare for a cent, and
would have kissed the whole school male
and female, including the janitor, rather
than resign her lucrative position of forty
five dollars month. Then Mr.. Merriam
bought tin dinner horn about six feet
long, and he serenaded her for three weeks
about two o'clock in the morning
Though the young lady was rot fond of
that kind of music she refused 10 bndge.
At last he made himself such nuisance
that the whole neighborhood was against
him, when, fortunately, one morning he
was found dead in his bed, and it was then
discovered that he had reYenged himself on
his relations by willing all of his property,
some eighty or ninety thousand dollars. to
the United States Government. There is
not the slightest doubt but Merriam was
mad as March hare for ten years before
his death, and he was only kept out. of the
Lunatic Asylum by lot of miserable pan.
ders who submitted TO his vagaries and
kept him in his position as principal OF the
school in hopes of sharing in his wealth
; when he died. It is a pleasure to know
that they were disappointed, and now lei
us hope that the United States will do the
graceful thing and turn The money over tc
the lawful heirs whom the stingy old
beggar ignored In his life, and whom he
hoped to cheat in his death.
The summer hegira is at the flood, ant
all of our ocean steamers are booked week!
ahead AS the ocean greyhounds now
make the passage to Liverpool in six days
, trip to Europe is a mere bagatelle. Oul
ministers are,looking forward to their holi
day, and expect to draw inspiration for tn
: winter campaign anywhere from Jerusalem
to Whitechapel. Good luck to them all
may the good angels have them in thei
keeping-and restore them to us with lot
of ozone and wholesome experience TIL
: weather is hot enough to make us thin
seriously of our future state. Everybod
gets a holiday but editors and
Your own Correspondent,
BROADBRIM.