davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
The Psrxled Gentleman from Japan.

A distinguished Japanese official Wis
tied New York recently, and q member
Of the municipal government who had
been in Japan and can speak the lam
guage of the country, undertook to
show him around.
"Is that an officer making on arrest? ?"
asked the Japanese, as he saw a man
stop a milk wagon.
"Not exactly" replied the official.
He is a milk inspector, and his duty is.
under the law: to see that no impure
milk is sold In the city. If the milk
is oil right he will let the milkman
pass on: otherwise he will arrest him.
"What is impure milk"
milk that has been mixed with
chalk or water"
"Is the chalk a poison?
ooh, no: II impairs the quality,
that's ALL"
Does water in milk make anybody
sick?"
"Why,, of course not. But when a
person pays for milk lie wants milk,
not water, which he can get for little
or nothing when he desires it. 1t is a
swindle on the public to put water in
milk"
But you say nc IL is hurt by it?
Feelings are hurt, that's ALL"
Soon after they passed a low corner
saloon. when the door opened and q
man who came staggering out tripped,
struck his head against a lamp-post and
fell heavily on the sidewalk, where he
lay as one dead.
What is the matter with that man 2"
asked the foreigner from Japan.
Full of benzine," replied the munic-
ipal officer, with q glance of disgust.
"Benzine? What is that?"
ut is a name we have in this country
for poor liquor-poison whisky, you
understand"
"Is there any good whisky"
"Oh, yes; there is good whisky, but
some saloons make money selling
bad whisky"
"Bad whisky is poison?"
Deadly poison, sometimes"
"Hasthe man n license to sell whisky,
same as the milkman haste sell milk?a
"Of course, or he couldn't carry OIL
business"
"And do you inspect the whisky as
you do the milk?
Never"
"Yet there may be poison in it. while
milk is adulterated with chalk and wa.
ter that does no harm in particular,
you say"
"Ahem," said the city official, twist
ing about %uneasily, "let's look at the
markets."
At the markets they found officials
inspecting the meat that was OH sale.
What do they do that for?" asked
the Japanese.
ITO see that the meat is healthy y
was the reply.
IF a MAJ should eat a piece of I'M
healthy meat would lie stumble on the
sidewalk and split his head open
against a lamp-post. us the man did
coming out of the saloon? Would
watered milk make him do it?"
"Why, certainly not"
"Yet You inspect meat and milk, and
let men sell poisoned whisky that kills
people, as much as they please. I can't
understand your country. - Texas
Siftings.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
8. s. Cox I'm the Chair.

He insisted that he had never inten-
tionally INDUCED in fun or fancy while
acting as Speaker except in a few in
stances, and these were as follows:
II was chairman of the committee of
the whole during the Forty-eighth
Congress, when we had two characters
in the House, one on each side of the
chamber. One was White, of Ken
lucky, q mar of fair ability, but an un
doubted crank, and the other was the
remarkably %loquacious and vivacious
Iowa man who was known as Calamity
Weller One day these two men had
taken up the time of the House in a
vigorous and irrelevant debate on OPP
posite sides of a certain motion. The
House was laughing at them, and the
question was ordered to be taken by
the tellera. I called the gentleman
from Kentucky, MI. White, and the
gentleman from Iowa, Mr.. Weller. to
act as t%ellers, and as the two ap-
preached each other in front of the
Speaker it was like the meeting of two
intellectual Dromios. The House
grasped the situation, and the roar of
laughter sounded like the bowling of
Barnum's menagerie. Speaker Carlisle
heard the noise in his private room.
and he rushed into the House with his
eyes %protruding and was about to as
sumo the gavel to restore order. A
moment later, however, lie learned the
facts and saw that the procedure was
regular, and that the so-called fun was
racher accidental than intentional. IL
was the only thing that could have
been done under the circumstances, as
the two We're the champions of the op-
posite sides of the question at issue.
In this a I got the credit for being
humorous. where, indeed, I could not
have acted otherwise. "-New York
World.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

you he'd heerd frum me rite reglar.
! Hear it is:
My deer Mis- Scooper; you mustn't
think 1 hev desarted you by me not
written no sooner fur / haven't, had no
time, what between the speckled COW
on one hand and the lost clutch o
choking an tother / haint had time to
hardly say boo.
Well, we commenced to wean the
roam heffer's calf from the parent
stem, as it were, to-day, an it takes it
ruther hard.
o, yes, the Wilder Van Dyke she
congratulated Ben an me Sundy, sed
she heerd We wus married! 1 tole her
she could heer most ennything if she
turned them years o hearn loose! My,
but it made her hot! Tell you what,
Mis- Peter Roper's parlor Jest shines
sents she's got her new Brussels down,
an she holes her he'd hire than ever;
she wus in here tother day an I seed
her o lookin' aroun' dreadful supercili-
Gus.
Grammar is jest reel commended out
here an is lots of holp.;
Ben TN me air a goin to go pickin
the berries tomorrow. I furgot to ask
You eff You put am up with sugar or
not. Be shore and let me know when
You answer. Zen is a doin tirst-rate
with the crops. Tell Mr.. Scooper he
neadn't fret his guzzard none; we air
a gittin along swimmingly, an he's
liable to hev a new dotter-in-law be-
fore he gifts back eff he don't stir his
stumps. Taint me, though. Doc an
Nell Perkins WIS hear to dinner Sun
dy, an l made her so jelous she most
Ben goes to see Sairy agin reglar
every Sundy mite. It looks kindly
spicious, don't it?
Everybuddy wus a askin when you
WIS a goin to kim home; they say it's
SO lonesome with you an Mr.. Scooper,
an they hain't nobuddy to kick up q
row with the gals now he's gone. Has
he got in to emmy serls trubble yit?
We he'd a grand time at the picnic, an.
l he'd the pleasure of takin the wild
der's g bow. He tuck her there,
but brung me home, and she WIS so
mad she sizzled! but it didn't hurt me
nun!
His name is Theodore Zook. Isn't
tibet too perfectly luvly fur ennything2
Mary Hammer is home to her maw's
on to a visit, and sum says him an her
is parted, but l don't know. I'd a
asked Mel the other mite, but she wus
to mad.
The Cronks- an Parsonses air thick
erin three in a bed agin, but you can't
tell how long it'll be till they air a
fussin agin.
Well, / must close fur this time, but
you an Nh. Scooper write to us often
an stay till you git yure visit out.
Good-by.
I don't know es I'd orter a copied
the scoolmarm's letter, but Iguess she
won't keer much.
Well, we went out to Smantlly's the
same day we got that letter. Thay wus
tickled to see us an We he'd a furst-rate
time.
The widder woodn't q gone eff Till
hedn't a tole of a ole batcheldore tibet
WIS a stayin with EN-. Which I'll tell
you about next time.
HESTER ANN ScoopER.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

tanned by modern students md observers
to be founded on fact. His writings, as
Translated, are highly interesting. He
seems a little given 10 the marvellous.
but commentators accept him o. accurate
whenever referring to ANYTHING based on
personal observation. His episodes are
skillfully interviewer, one entertainingly
leading to another, with the language
simple aud to the point. So this OBJ
serving old traveller tolls of n curious
relationship between the little bird called
trochilu5 =, by the pathological card,
Hyas "gyptiacus-and the crocodile.
After mentioning that all other beasts
and birds avoid the saurian monster,
Herodotus says:
When the crocodile issues from the
water and opens his mouth, which he does
most commonly toward the sunset, the
trochilus enters his mouth and swallows
the leeches which cling to his teeth. The
hugo beast is SO pleased that he never in
jures tho little bird.
Native Egyptians call the bird "zic-
FAC" and supplement Herodotus with the
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
FOLLY AS n FLIES.

A. WHISKY deil-the imp Of t6S
bottle.
soSa Of the syndicates - Gobble.
gobble, gobble.
A nowL1xa swell-The boil on =
small hoy's neck.
The son who goes to work in . mill
represents the flour of the family.
The man who is hard Of hearing is
apt to he troubled with ahey!" fever.
LIKE many a young man, nature be-
gins her fall by painting things red.
W1SKs-I didn't sec YOU ct camp
meeting this year. Minks-No; I've
reformed.
A MAN discovers that gas isn't equal
to coal when he tries it on O coal dealer
to secure credit.
TEMPERANCE Orator-What sit, my
hearers that drives men to drink.
Voice from the back seat-Salt mack
erel.
A MAN who was compelled to sue an
old comrade to recover what he owed
him, called him his pseudo friend
Sued?-sued-owe? - all, yes, We
eSVOA OAss
"Now 1 AM highwayman, /" remarkedl
the commercial traveller to the ferry
man who was taking him over the river
in a skiff. "Why?" Because I am o.
rowed agent"
MAR1A-It's no use my trying to.
please you with my cooking; you are
never satisfied. John-You could suit
me exactly if you'd only try. "How?"
"By hiring q cook" /,
aPA, what's the difference tween o.
cutter and a filter the signs tell about ri
"Same thing, my son. Ny BARRIERS
such a beastly cutter that he's filter TO-
adorn a slaughter house," i
CHARLIE (who has been blowing the
cornet for On hour: "Say, Ned, do You
think there is any music in mel" Ned:
II don't know. There ought to be; I
didn't hear any come ont"
SHE- What a beautiful world it
would be if it were summer and day
light all the time! He-Daylight all
the time! HIM! When would lovers
have a chance to do their counting?
ToMpK1Ns-Heard you left the board
ing house, Jack. Jack-Yes; the land
lady was far too modest for me Tomp-
observation-disclosures that? Jack-O,
she insisted that we eat dressed beef ct
every meal.
Mn. GooDcATcH calling on the Oldest
sister)-Why, johnny, how you are
growing! You'll he a man before your
sister if you keep on. Johnny-You bet
I will. Sister'll never be a man if she
keeps on being 90 like she has for the
last five years.
Two IRISH servant-girls were quar-.
reling the other day. "Shure," said
the one, San didn't 0i hear yer NASH
Their comm in afther half-pasht 4 av
the noight!" "An' sure," retorted the
other, "an' didn't Oh hear yer mashther
not comm home at all lasht noight?"
BINaLEY: "Have you heard that.
Pushley is giving away a box of cigars
with every suit Of clothes? I bought a
suit yesterday. Try a cigar?" Travers
lighting up): sThanks. I should think
puff), Bingley, that YOU would be
glad puff that YOU only puff buy
two suits a year."
V1sIToR-The boys do he tellin' me
that Dinnis is sick abed. Is he any
better, l dunno? Lady of house-f
can't say just VT. Yez see he thried to
freighten me by lidin' under my bed
%protendin' to he u burglar, an he's lynn
up stairs wild a broken leg an two doc
tors a tryin' to take four bullets out o.
his body. But how was 1 to know him
in the dark?
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
A Beautirul YACHT.

The exquisite cleanliness of every
thing strikes IL forcibly on board the
Victoria and Albert, Queen Victoria's
travelling vessel. The deck is laid with
cork loorcloth, over which, when the
Queen is on board. a carpet is placed,
and everything else that is to be seen
is of pure white, with gilded relief
work and silver mountings. There are
very comfortable little sitting-rooms on
the promenade deck and behind the
paddle wings, and there is also a din
ing saloon on the promenade deck,
which has three big windows and a
skyligllt. 1t il furnished i'll green
morocco, and the ceiling is painted in
white and gold.
The state apartments below are
placed on either side of u corridor, and
they are furnished with a very pretty
cllintz. The Queens cabins are ON the
starboard side, and her sleeping apart
ment contains a large and oll-fashioned
but very comfortable-looking bedstead,
with pillars and canopy. and next is
the dressing-room. which was formerly
Prince Albert's cabin. and it remains
as he left it. his little writing table and
wardrobe never having been moved.
Large maps hang on the walls. The
cabins occupied by Princess Beatrice
Tor by any princess who happens to bd
travelling with the Queen) are aft OF
her Majesty's quarters, and on the
other side of the corridor are the cab.
ins of the Princess and a large bath.
room. The breakfast-room is in the
- k-..~~ ~ H. --- -- --
large windows and is hung with the
portraits of all the officers who have
commanded the royal yacht. The
drawing-room is forward on the port
side, and it is furnished in bird's-eye
with a piano and several beautifully
carved side-tables. It is hung with por.
traits of members of the royal family,
and in this room is a small library. The
yacht is now lighted with electricity,
except in the Queens own cabins.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

parently mysterious affection. Ticks are
especially plenty in the African woods,
and Notwithstanding the thick hides Of
tho rhinoceros and elephant, they infest
the cracks i'll the skin of the ponderous
ANIMALS, causing them much pain and
trouble. 1t is in relieving them of the
ve,min that the good work Of the birds
pearls of great price. and with their
sharp beaks tho Embedded ticks extrac.
ton is more easy than difficult. It can be
readily understood that in such hot coun-
tries wounds and abrasions of an animals
skin would quickly develop into some
thing serious unless nature had provided
for a care and cure. such Us is provided
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

some tree and lays her egg AS she sits
on them the male plasters up the hole
with mud until ouly the females beak can
protrude. During the process of incuba-
ton he feeds her, and ut the proper time
picks out the mud to permit her exit.
One OF the curious birds of North
America that is a great snake killer is the
paisano. or road runner. or chapparal
cock (Geococcyx C~aliforniana). 1t has q
teen inches. Olive green is the prevail
ing color. The bcak is long and sharply
curved at the end, and on the head is n
crest that is erected n. will. The
legs are long and powerful. aud the feet
have four toes, disposed in pairs to the
front and back. When finding a sn Ike
asleep it places around it q bairier of the
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

posed upon while there is law in the
land. A wretchedly dressed woman
recently appeared before a London
magistrate and begged, almost with
tears, for a summons against q vile.
tongued neighbor. Penny by penny
she had saved the two shillings neces.
sary to pay for the summons which was
to secure the peace she coveted. Fan.
cy an American woman, or man either.
for that notwithstanding to such ex-
IRENE measures! Endurance is our
national characteristic.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

SIR JOHN LISTER KAYE, who has
eleven separate farms of 10000 acres
each, about three hundred miles west
of Winnipeg, has a novel scheme of
colonization. His first object is to
secure immigration, and for this end
he has made arrangements with the
Government for the purchase of $780,
600 acres of land at a modest price.
this land to be situated adjacent to his
farms. Upon these acres he intends to
establish twenty settlements of seventy
farms each, thus providing for 1,4OO
families, which. by allowing to each
family five persons, will add to the
population and Mt the same time nc
commodate with homes 1000 persons.
His intention is to locate the farms,
have a dwelling house and outbuild-
ings on each. wells dug. seed i'll the
ground and everything ready for the
settlers when they arrive; then he pro-
poses to send to such as require a loan
the sum of $1,000 to pay on their land.
and to provide such other necessaries
as may be requisite to go OH with their
work. In each group of seventy fam
lilies is to he established n sort of "cen-
trail village" in which will lie a school
house, a little church, a blacksmith
shop, store, wagonmaker's shop, etc.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

lures. It's favorite food IL a snake. the
vsnomous kind more than all others, and
It is never known to be poisoned from a
bite. So vigorously does it wage war
against snakes that he il encouraged in
every way by the natives. It is capable Of
being domesticated, and will drive away
from the fnmily premises any unwelcome
visitors. The hornbill is an another vo-
racious snake eater at home in Africa and
Southern Asia. 1t is grotesque creature,
having a slender body, long neck. head,
lacking of music as the bray of o donkey.
The beak is the prominent feature, being
deep red In color and a foot long. In
breeding time the female goes to q hole in
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
Urban Ignorance.

Mrs. Hayfork (who has summer
boarders)-Ycs, Mrs. Hayseed, the
ign'rance of city folks about country
life is just amusin'. You know I had
two families from New York this sea-
son.
Mrs; Hayseed-Yes, I seed 'em gal.
lavantin around.
well, it's an actual Tact, them pes.
pie brought toothbrushes with 'em,
jest rs if We was such savages out here
ss int to ha ls t iisn h C simple s.g@H tsips r ss :
Weeklu.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
An Actress Golden Egg.

TITS been q cold summer" said an
actress Just in from road duty. II.
went out in May with q company that,
came near dying with the June roses.
and that has only struggled through.
by o dint of hard work. 1 don't know
what would become of me if I hadn't
struck u small paying vein.
ut happened like this: Tn very
finicky about the way my feet look,
and l always keep the buttons sewedi
on my boots. Some of the other girls
don't. chiefly because they re too lazy.|
Well, every time I got ont my thread
and wax and buttons they'd come coax.
ing i'll with buttonlcss boots. Pm
naturally good-natured, and I said
nothing ut first. and cheerfully sewed
OH the buttons, but ct last I got tired.
See he:e,'I cried, one day when NV
patience was unusually taxed. after
this 1 charge y cent apiece for every
button l put OH for You lazy people.' I.
Would you believe it, they all took
me up. and l had more to. do than eyer.
From buttons I had to set o price and
darn their stockings, and then the bows
heard l would mend if I got nav and
I had oil I could do. Iclarged 10 cents
Q pairto mend stockings or socks: for
20 cents l would mend and clean . coat
or pair OF trousers, and pretty soon I
found i was earning my board, besides
keeping the company respectable. !
ut was really funny to see the idle.
ness and tatters that would deyelop
after every pay day. Money WAS
plenty for a while, and my needle had
to fly, but when, as often happened
week after week went by with no Funds
in the treasury, the girls would strue.
gle with their buttons themselves. and
the boys would bring me their neck
ties to turn and ask me to hang il mp"
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
Thirst for Knowledge.

Tramp with an old school book
Say, mister, will yer kindly tell NE
what letter this u.s.?
Pedestrian-Certainly. That's L.
Can't you read?
sNo, sir; but I'm tryin' ter learn, an
I shan't rest till I do, nuther."
II am delighted to find so laudable
an ambition in one of your class. You
have taken the right course at last"
SYes, sir. It's mighty rough on o
traveller like me not ter he able to tell
whether . sign says Beware O. the
Dog or Free Lunch Opening.''-Ne,S
York Weekly.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

The new dynamite cruiser, vesuvius,
can pour about 1900 pounds of the
terrible explosive per minute into an
adversary q mile off. No city in the
world could stand bombardment for
half an hour by a fleet of such ships.
Il would be as destructive as the bonn
bardment given Pompeii by the original
Vesuvius.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

CARNEGIE, PHlpps 4 Co.. of Pitts
burgh, have begun the manufacture of
steel railroad ties, and an immense
hydraulic press turns steel plates into
ties ct the rate of one a minute. It is
believed that the question of a perfect
track, capable of the highest speed,
with absolute safety, has been solved
BY this invention. Steel ties have
been used in Europe and India for
rome years, but the designs in use
there, besides being more costly, are
also unsuitable for American roads,
owing 70 the ~insuficiency of their fss-
Jennings.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

LARGE forces of Cinnamon have re-
Gently been emigrating to South Amer
lean countries. but everywhere they
and that they are unwelcome. The
Government of Ecuador has Just pro-
hibited Chinese immigration to that
republic. British Columbia seems in
clined to let them in, aud it is about
the only country which manifests any
such inclination.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

Nh. MoxcuRE CONWAY is making
personal Investigations in Virginia for
his historical and biographical intro
duction to the volume of unpublished
private letters Of Washington, which
he is editing for the Long Island His
torical Society, Brooklyn. This in
PRODUCTION will deal critically with ex-
listing traditions, and, it is said. shed
. new light on Washington's early love
affairs.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

New YORK has been reconsidering
the evil things that it said of the En-
glish sparrow in past days. The claim
Wal that the birds, imported expressly
to kill off the caterpillars, did not do
il. The blizzard of 1888 nearly exter-
minated the birds, and their present
number in New York and Brooklyn is
very small. Consequently the cater
pillars are legion, and trees in all the
parks are ruined, which indicates that
the birds really did good work in previ-
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

The first lighthouse on this CONT
nent of which, there is any record was
built at the entrance to Boston larLor
in l716, at the expense of the Colony
Of Massachusetts, Bay. 1t was sup
ported by a lighthouse due of one
penny per ton OH all vessels passing.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22
The Teacher Was ina.

Teacher-Benjamin, how many times
must 1 tell you not to snap your a..
gers? Now put down your hand. end
Keel still. shall hear what you have
to say presently. Give minutes later. J
NOV, then, Benjamin. what i 4 Jon
Benjamin-There was tramp n til
hal! awhile ago. and I saw him 70 "a
With your gold-headed parasel.-OlioS
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

TIE French colony in Montreal have
invited Boulangcr to take up his resi-
dence in Canada, but he will hardly
accept. He would have to mix up
with the American boodlers if he went
there.
The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-11-22

A rrIl-LRxerH oil portrait of wash
ington. which VAS purchased for $40
at the recent sale of the Barnum's
Hotel effects, in Baltimore, is now esti-
mated to be worth II, 600, experts hay
id pronounced it to be an original by
Gilbert G. Stuart.