New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-10-09
ReYamped Witticisms.

The mosquito never waits until the
first of the month. He sends in his
bill at all hours.
Non-original editors are necessarily
proud. Handling the paste-pot SO
much they get stuck up.
The man who lives on the wind
must have his bill ofair just the same
as the guests of a restaurant.
Everything about a rattlesnake
keeps cool in time of danger except
its tail. That gets ratified.
Guard Sir, if you want to smoke
in this carriage, you must either get
out or throw away your cigar.
Paste this in your hat: "a man
Tor boy is known by the company
he keeps also by the company he
keeps away from.
Proud Mother o, John, the baby
can walk. Cruel Father Good. He
can walk the floor with himself at
night then.
Nothing ever causes a young man
greater surprise than to find out
that some one has fallen in love with
his sister.
There must have been awfully slow
cash boys in the days Of Job, Tor he
says: "AlI the days of my appoint
ed time will wait till my change
comes"
A young man in Chicago killed
himself Monday because he couldn't
get another mans wife. 1t is terrible
to love somebody and see her wash
ing windows for another man.
Solitude is sweet, but it can be
made a great deal sweeter for a
young man if he can only share it
with the girl whose millinery bills he
is anxious to pay.
One day little Esther's aunt re-
ceived a letter. While reading it she
dropped the envelope on the floor.
Esther picked it up and handed it to
her saying: "Auntie here's the skin of
your letter. Youths Companion.
81 don't calculate thatdoctors can
always tell what ails you an old
woman once explained, :sbut I hold
to taking all the things I can get,
and it stands to reason that some Of
ems going to hit the trouble
The Sommerville Journal says, cit
is hard for a young man to spend
three months deciding which of two
girls he will choose for his wife, and
then when he proposes that neither
one of them will have him.
cts a pity" said De Kique to the
summer hotel man, chat mosqui-
toes are not more musical why?
Because you might cage some of
these and hang them up around the
hotel instead of canary birds -
Washington Capital.
Little Emma just asked Mr..
Sheepskin when the battle of Lake
Erie was fought and he couldn't tell
me. Father-You ought not expect
him to Emma; he has just gradual
ed from an American college, and, of
course, knows nothing of American
historv -Yankoo Rio do
"See her, Mr.. Grocer, "said Hart
ford housewife, eff you are going to
bring me any more goods I want
them to be the very best" eve
keep none but the BEST ssI pre-
sumo so; you must sell the worst in
order to keep the best. Hartford
post.
Old Swineford weight 800 poundsl
-"See here, my young man, why
don't you get up and give one of
those young ladies seat?'' District
Telegraph Boy Outraged -1.Holy
smoke! Why don't you git up and
give both of 'em seats?"- Munsey's
weekly.
Tom speaking ola friend, lately
deceased Poor Brownsonp possessed
a great many good traits ofcharact-
er, didn't he? Joe-Yes, he did; and
besides that he was one of the luck
lest men ever knew. He got his
life insured against accident and was
killed the next day. How is that for
luck? Yankee Blade.
Mr.. Gerome Parke (reading) THE
author of the largest book on Amer
lea says American women have great
power of expressing what they mean
in very few words" Michael Ito
whom he is not a hero Sure, they
can't hould a candle to the Oirish
women. Yer jist should see Biddy
when she grabs the rolling-pin, be
.. -.