Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-05-19
SAID IN FUN.

The Minister Ito new parishoner 81
| understand, dear sister, that your husband
| has made change for the better" The
| Parishioner-"Heh has. He left the Long
Mines, and is pitching for the Diamond
| Daisies now. He gets $500 more salary
| than he did"
| Mistress-"That young man who called
to see you last night, Jane, stayed very
| late" Jane-"It was me BROTHER num-"
! 'But, Jane, | have noticed thirty-seven
different men in your company within the
past two years, and each one, you said was
your brother" Eyes, mum. Poor folks
alters have large families, num-"
| They were passing under the elevated
] railroad, and the din overhead was almost
deafening. This hustle makes my head
ache" she said. Probably" observed he,
''if you were to wear smaller one"
''Sirw she Indignantly cried. 81 mean the
noise coniuses me-" Il beg your pardon"
stammered he. 81 am confused, too"
Mrs. Lakeside rushing into Chicago
Court" Where's the Judge, quick ~
Bystander = fright there. What's
wrong?' al just ran away from my hus-
band, and he's after me, not three squares
behind. l want to divorce him for deser-
ton before he gets here."-Nag York
Weekly.
Mother-"Well, did you get that situa-
ton as office boy?" Little Son-"Nope"
"What was the matterY Don't know.
The gent is lawyer. and he asked me if
was a good whistler, and l told him | was
the best whistler on our street, and he said
| ! wouldn't do. Guess he must want reg :
lar professional"
Guide to battle-felds (sure of his party,
he thinks, y" Yes, sab hit were jest hyah
dat de rebels gin to run, am" Tourist
| (bantering him)--"Come, now run?
was reb myself, end don't believe that
they ran." Guide" Hole on, boss; you
amt let me git through. didn't say
which way dey wuz runnin'; t wuz to'ards
de enemy."-Haper's Weekly.
"Waiting to see some one ?" he asked of
young man who was standing on one of
the porticos of the City Hall the other
day. YES" "So'm l. What are you
after? ?" 'Pm after marriage license and
want to see the County Clerk" "And Pm
after divorce and want to see a lawyer
Say, it's curious coincidence, amt it
Let's 60 and take drink" -DetroH Free
Press
| DIR. Swell You must take trip
abroad and remain away for year."
| Patient" Thunderation, man. / can't do
| that. 1t will cost too much" Doctor
Every well, you can stay at home, and I'll
| visit you every day and try to pull you
| through" Patient (reiectively :" Don't
mention it, doctor hadn't thought of
that | guess I'll go abroad y Wdsking-
ton Critic.
Customer (returning) Didn't l give
you S5-gold piece just now by mistake
for scent piece 2" Merchant positive
ly)-sNo, sir" Customer turning to go)
cit isn't of any particular consequence.
l had counterfeit S5-gold piece that
carried simply as curiosity. / must have
lost it some Merchant (hastily)-
"Wait moment; FL look again" CHI
cdgo Tribune
Wife-"John, you win be pleased, am
sure, to hear that Uncle Rufus, who was
here rflis afternoon, thinks our tffunmy has
decided musical talent. He has made him
a present of beautiful fageolet Tommy
can already run the scale on Where are
you going, John?" Husband (sayagely
seizing his haiti am going down town
TO buy bicycle for Tommy. Chicago
Tribune.
Foreigner-"This may be free coun-
try, but ] don't see that the freedom has
any effect on the people. Such patient,
meek, subdued lot of humanity ! never
saw in my life. should think free-born
American would act as if he were monarch
of all he surveyed" Native-"Wsit until
you see a passenger-car brakeman who
expects soon to be conductor IN Y.
Heckly.
Aunt Dinah--" TEX off yo' coat, now, n
I'll mem de ton pocket. Ough .syo' got
sump'n' clamuiy in dat pocket. What is
it, man p Uncle Reub-" OATS al picked