St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-25
MONDAY SMILES.

1t is hard to say it, but the American
eagle seems to be mercenary bird. We
never see him backing Miss Liberty,
unless there is good deposit of hard
money between him.--Puck.
Countryman-Ho yer cook. good?
Can he make good terrapin soup?"
Waiter-Certainly the best in the
land.
''Do yer keep good wines?"
"Only the finest brands"
''WaIl, yer kin bring me some oatmeal
and milk, and say-iest wrap up a couple
of bones in paper fur the dorg, will
yer?"-The Idea.
Jack-Well, Clara made her debut on
the professional stage as Cleopatra last
night. Jacks sister-Did she come out
with honor? Jack (d0ubtfully)-N-nO
she didn't come out with much on her.
Time.
Dalbey-I am proud to say I never had
an enemy that didn't get square with.
Wagfall-If you would only pursue the
same plan with your friends, Dalbey,
several of the boys would be sporting
now spring Oyerc0ats.-Terre Haute
Express.
Mrs. Winks-Folks say Mr.. Weed.
the cigar manufacturer, was converted
at the revival last night. Mr.. Winks-
Guess it's true. stepped in this MORN
ing for my fayorite brand of two-fOr-
five cigars, and noticed the card Pure
15-cent beX.-Philadelphia Record.
''My DEAR" said fashionable young
wife from the head of the stairs, ''have
you seen anything of my white kid Slip
pers? l have searched everywhere for
Them" ibid you look in the bed? You
came in late last night and think you
forgot to take them off."-EpOch.
Young Mrs. Bynthere-Let's go in
here for coffee and oysters. Young
Mr.. Bynthere-But it's $3.50 and you
said we had cards. Mrs. Bynthere-
Yes, for o'clock tea.-Time.
A Buffalo paper yesterday printed
George William Chlld's picture for that
of William Windom.-Buffalo Express.
Why not get spiritual medium to
write on one of these cabinet states that
are going about and so put an end to
much anxiety?-New York Herald.
Honesty is the best policy. The rea-
son we don't hear more about it is prob
ably because it has expired.-Life.
Train robbers seldom rob railroads of
their directors and presidents. They
steal yaluableS when they Steal.-NeW
Orleans Picayune.
1t is not always safe to Judge from APP
pearances, but it is pretty safe to judge
from disappearance, at least in the case
of defaulterS.--BOSton Courier.
Anthony Comstock lin heated bath
Hello! l say, porter!
Bring me a match. can't see to fix
my necktie.
Servant (hastening to the door)-Did
the gas go out, sab?
No; put it out. I've been taking
BATH"
The mercury's low, the wind is high,
There's ice beneath our feet,
And few are the maldens now that sigh
Or long for an ice cream treat.
Chattanooga Times.
New York is a pleasant sort of city.
Whenever an Investigation starts there
it finds out SO much that it has to stop
for fear of finding out more.-Baltimore
American.
Pause a moment and think of one of
the twelve apostles standing up and
preaching trial sermon" New York
Herald.
A Jolly preacher who formerly had
charge at Ephesus tells a very good
story. Meeting an acquaintance on the
street, the idea struck him to do some
missionary work OH small scale.
my FRIEND" he remarked, ''do you
ever think about your siDs?"
"Why, no." said the other, IL have
too many serious matters on my mind"
The preacher was gOod-natured
enough to enjoy the reply.-Atlanta
Constitution.
The rumor that the choir of the
Church of the Holy Sinners played
poker during the sermon arose from
thoughtless remark made by the sexton
that the tenor. who is much addicted to
solo. made game of chants. Really, the
only thing played in that choir is the
organ,and the pastor says it isn't half
played, so there is no ground for COM
plant any where.-Brooklyn Eagle.