The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-05-08


music Of the topical song, When You
Come to Think of It," in "The Brass
Monkey" is taken from Beethoven's
First Symphony. 1t must be great
relief to the symphony .-Somerville
Journal
The tenderest-hearted man In Amer
lea is one who lives on X street in this
city. He says he treats everybody
mean and declines to make any friends
because he can not bear to think of
anybody feeling bad when he dies
Washington Post.
Mrs. WINKs: "I see by the paper
that the government has advertised for
bids for one thousand pounds of porous
plaster. What is that for?" Mr..
Winks: Going to patch up some more
old ships for Samoa, probably. y
Philadelphia Record.
"WILL the hair grow after death?"
is question that is being agitated by
scientific people. This depends good
deal upon whose hair it is. We have
known mans hair to grow right along
after his wife was laid away in the
silent tomb.-SDtingS.
OWING to the depressed condition of
the market for sardines it is reported
that not half of the sardine factories
in Maine will be run the present
year. This will materially reduce the
demand for brass labels printed in pure
French. - o,eeU Courier.
OLD gentleman: " Do you know, my
lad, where little boys who play ball on
Sunday go TOP" Tommy " Yop. Most
of 'em goes down back of de gas-house,
but | don't think dey'll let you play
you don't look as if you could hit a
balloon. y Laurence american.
SAMOAN COMMISSIONER BATES is in
trouble again. He wore his frock coat g,
instead of his claw-hammer, to the ex-
hibition opened by the emperor at Bcr-
lin, and the result was that he had to
stay on the outside. Bates is as bad a
courtier as a diplomat. Boston Herald.
THE new British minister. Sir Julian
Pauncefote, calls himself g Pantsfut."
We knew it must be Pantsfut or Punch
fife or something like that; any pro-
nunciation of an English proper name
is good form except one that agrees
with the spelling.-Butalo Commercial.
CA CHICAGO editor acknowledges in
cold minion type that he is not per-
feet. "-BdltimOre american. Still our
distrust of the Chicago editor is so
firmly rooted that we can't accept even
his statement that he is not perfect
without an accompanying affidavit
Ne,o York Herald.
Ten years ago the superintendent of
an Iowa railroad hooted a tramp out of
his office for having the cheek to ask
for a pass. To-day that tramp is
the superintendent of that same road,
while the man who lifted him on his
boot keeps restaurant and sends him
over lunches. Detroit Pree Press.
THE OLD FAMILIAR FACEs.-Vis-
itor from indianapolis (to White House
baby: Well, Benny, l suppose you
find Washington very different from
your old homer" Benny (cheerfully)
"Oh, not much, sir. miss the old
streets and buildings, of course, but
the people all seem to be here. "-Puck.
THE prohibitory amendment passed
the Connecticut house by a queer mis-
take. One member opposed to it paired
with one member who favored it, while
it was, of course, necessary to pair with
two persons to make it fair trade.
Had he done that the amendment would
have failed of two-thirds. -Hartford
COlrunt.
SOMEBODY attempts to make the
world understand the righteousness of
the mud crop in Quincy, ILL.,, and gives
a report of mud-hole in one of the
streets of that city, lately dried up,
within whose depths were found por-
tons of three wagons, barrel of salt,
pair of boots and a keg of nails. -
Ecening Wisconsin.
THE cowboys are having fun with
the tenderfeet at Arkansas City. One
of the men who are going to settle
Oklahoma had the temerity to eat a
piece of pie in restaurant, and COW
boy rebuked him by shooting it to bits
just as the man was biting into it. Oh
there's nothing like the glad, free life
of the cowboy.-Chicogo Mail.
THE attempt to chain up Niagars
Falls to utilize its tremendous power
on series of turbine wheels to gener-
ate electric force is thoroughly Ameri
can, if nothing else. If the ange
Gabriel should make a visit to the
United States some fellow would want
W lenl Ills wings lot uyeI VI use LIE
halo to save gas bills Washington
Post.
AN Englishman, one George Brooks
says that he found no statesmen in thi'
country. 1t is evident that Mr.. Brooks
failed to drop into the corner grocer,
just after dark, and it is equally clea
that he never visited the front office o
Young's hotel on pleasant Saturday
afternoon just before the meeting o
, the republican state convention. =
) Boston Transcript.
A TOLEDO crook was saved from tn,
, penitentiary the other day through thu
ingenuity of his lawyer, who showed
| the court that, according to the alma
nae, the theft with which the prisone
+; was charged was committed just thre
= minutes before sunset. and Therefore
was petit larceny and not burglary
That lawyer will be heard from again.
Waterbury American.
= "SPEAKIN' of twins" said the oil