The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1889-01-17
HIS VERY LAST CIGAR.
FICKLEBY'S DIZZY EVENING AT A
FIVE DOLLAR BANQUET.


He Had in q v and Was Going to Get the
Worth of His Moncy-Everything Went
Beautifully Until That Horrid Cigar Got
in Its Wicked Work.
st was my last cigar" said Mr..
Fickleby. and, carried away by the flood
of sad memories, he leaned his head upon
his hand and wept. you see" said he,
the fellows in our set determined to
have banquet, and we've been saving
up since the last Fourth of July. 1t was
to be five dollar affair, and for a week
beforehand lived on husks and abjured
pie. was determined to eat, drink and
be merry, and forced myself into vast
capacity.
"The night came. 1t took me two
hours to dress, but it was worth while,
and when looked on myself at O'Clock
beheld glass of fashion and mold of
form. There must have been fifty or
sixty Of the fellows at the banquet. Be-
sides oar set there were a large number
OF invited guests. 1t was about 10o'clock
when we sat down, and l was SO ema-
ciated from continued and rigorous fast
ing that | could hardly hold myself
straight.
THAT FLYER sPURRED HIM ON.
II rarely touch wine, but when paw
S. for a single meal, when at my board
ing house can get twenty-one for the
same money, l stop at nothing. So I
permitted the mental to replenish my
sherry glass as often as l emptied it,
breads and lamb chops vanished behind
h.
claret to flow past me, but slipped it
with asparagus. / have heard much of
the seductive and insidious influences of
punch, but l must say that the punch
we fellows had at the banquet seemed to
me more like lemon ice cream soda
water than the fiery untamed spirit of
the alcoholic flask.
cigarettes came with the punch,
may as well confess that am not an in
veterate smoker. In fact, two or three
cigarettes year generally is sufficient to
allay any cravings have for the noxious
weed. But on an occasion like five
dollar banquet am possessed to indulge
in the most reckless dissipation, and after
the punch l made away with two cigar
cites. Partridge and sip or two Of
claret followed. l dealt literally, as is
my wont, with the ice cream and the
cakes, the coffee and the fruits, and when
the toasting began, and the champagne
was poured out, began to feel glorious.
1.-The speeches were capital. Some of
the most learned and witty men I ever
heard answered to the several toasts.
Every man around me was smoking.
summoned waiter and babe him bring
me cigar. 1t was just glorious. Through
the blue wreaths OF smoke 1 could Just
see the orator flinging out his arms over
the china and silver. slipped the spark
ling wine. Everything was happy. I
sat and laughed and let my head roll
where It would.
The cigar finished I sat back finger
ing my wine glass as I listened to the
speakers about me. Suddenly l felt
something like a dark, damp green mold
creeping over me. broke out in pro-
fuse perspiration. A vague feeling that
was full of protoplasms possessed me.
A strange power seemed trying to raise
my lungs into my throat. Thespeech lost
its brilliancy. l shaded my eyes with my
hand and gazed earnestly at the table
cloth. The plates began to move about
strangely. Through the cloud of smoke
about my head came the sound of clap
ping hands. Who had been speaking I
neither knew nor cared. There was a
wild, turbulent feeling of rebellion in the
region of ny diaphragm.
~ UNDER TIE TABLE"
"SCmCOody To5o and began to speak.
! dared not raise my eyes to see him.
The plates swan round and round. How
the damp perspiration gathered on my
forehead! could endure the suspense
fol l.
about to happen. Without moments
hesitation ! slipped under the grooming
board and began myself to groan in
unison with it. 1t may be said that the
cause of our grooming was identical-a
called a load. l languidly raised my
eyeids and looked around. 1 saw a
forest Of legs belonging to the leading
preache~s, doctors and lawyers in town,
: vast forest of legs. l heard more hand
cIapping. The legs began to dance, the
table rctked, a chasm opened some
where Gomebody cried, He's under
the table! Then there was laughter.
''All u once went to pieces. re-
member nothing save a confused ap-
pearance % black faces, and wondered
If was with Stanley. They hauled me
along. tried to think whether was
Emin Bey or Gerard Fickleby. If I was
the former | knew Stanley would rescue
me. If was the latter | knew that l
was not feeling well. Iasked the colored
person who was supporting me, and
whom l believed to be the king of Sene-
gambia, if we were anywhere near the
Congo river. He said something about
Genesee, and believed argued the point
with him, though Fam not sure. know
looked at the floor just a second, and
when l raised my eyes the stars were
shining over my head and the Their
mometer was below zero.
1T seemed to me that the common re-
ports of African torridness were all
wrong. looked about for chair, but
could find none, and was forced to sit
down on the sidewalk. A policeman, I
believe it was, came along and tried to
carry on a social conversation with me.
He was an ignorant man, however, and
failed to follow my train Of thought, and
told him what thought of him. I re-
member nothing more until l found my
self in bed with large wet cloth on my
head. No, am firmly resolved never to
smoke another cigar. buffalo Courier.