Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-10-29
BILL SNORT IN THE WHITE
HOUSE. ..l.
The Bad News From In indianapolis
How Harrison Receives It-what
Harrison Thinks About the In
dianapoIis Republicans
Snort's Letter to His
Young Friend.
Alex. T.. Sweet In Texas slitlngs.

Ignorant Of the Scriptures"
"In some respects, Mr.. PresIdeu
you remind me of Belshazza
Neither Of you seemed to catch on
the handwriting on the wall"
II suppose, then, you are the propl
ct Snort-l mean Daniel"
"Belshazzar, Harrison you have h
1t. Here Is some of the handwritin
on the wal" said /, holding up Q
extra In which appeared In larf
letters;
l"INDIASAPoLIs GONE DEMOCRATIC
! Harrison glanced at 1t, and, In th
language Of Scripture "Then th
kings countenaDce was changed, an
his thoughts troubled him, 80 that th
Joints of his loins were loosed, an
his knees smote one against th
other."-Daniel, chapter five, sixt
verse. a - - ~
"And that night, Belshazzar, tn
King of the Chsldesns was slain,
quoted Harrison, solemnly. ia
Perhaps, Mr.. President, Il viii
turu out otherwise"
"Col. Snort" said Harrison, takin,
down the big Bible, "do you remem
ber the subsequent proceeding sftel
Belshazzar was retired from circuls
tion 2" NHf
81 do not Mr.. President
"Let me read them TO you. I'd
like to pose as Daniel, myself, for q
change. Listeni And Darius the
Median, took the kingdom, after
Harrison-I mean after Belshazzar.' y
"Who do you suppose Darius is 2''
| asked.
~ should say that II means Dave
Hill will receive the Democratic
nomination, and be elected" replied
Harrison with a sigh.
rs there any prophecy about what
happened to Bill Snort5p l replied.
"Yes, indeed" said the President,
reading: ut pleased Dave Hill, or
rather Darius, to set three rulers over
the kingdom, Of whom Daniel, or
rather Bill Snort, was first, that the
princes should give account unto
vi, let and I'd verses.
That undoubtedly means that you
will flop back into the Democratic
ranks and be Secretary OF State un-
der Darius the Median, alias Dave
Hill"
"Mr. President, "said I,uot relishing
such personalities, what do You
think about these Indianapolis Re.
publicans?"
The more l know about them the
more my heart goes out to dogs," said
Harrison, bitterly.
Indianapolis Is not the only place
where the Democrats have crawled
mp on the Republicans, while they
were In swimming, aud carried off
heir clothes. There is Montana, for
instance" ! said, consolingly."
"Yes, and my son Russ assured me
hat Montana was safe"
. "Once more, Mr.. President, let me
warn you not to put any confidence
N what Russ says"
"You think his judgment is bad p |
"No, he simply lies. II mems |
ongues had holes bored In them
very time they lied, as was the case |
n the middle ages, Russ tongue
would look like porous plaster. |
His tongue is the cause Of your de-
eat in Montana. In Newark, New
Jersey, we have likewise been
lftf |
"T'his don't look much like third
erm," said Harrison, shading his
read. ~. ~.
"Have you read the latest returns
rom Connecticut, Mr.. President p"
"No," replied Harrison, dts too
much like looking into an underta-
.cr's window" |
ayes, Mr.. President, verify these
re perilous times. As the editor Of
he Ben Harrison Vindicator 1 am
ept so busy viewing with alarm the
Mistakes Of this administration that
don't get time to do any pointing
Vith PRIDE" L
II base considerable hope on the
Moderate non.partisan element Of our
arty." /
"Don't rely on them, Mr.. President
he Mugwump is the camel In the
republican tent" Ii
"Why do you compare the Mug
7ump to dromedary ?" l.
"Because Of his propensity 10 get
is back up and knock out our ma
'rities, which are something like q
MET mind, more easily lost than
ained.D rS. |,
swell, what are we going to dol"
II have scheme by which you
an regain your lost popularity" ID
"What Is it?" l.
Heretofore, Mr.. President, you
ave not been affable to visitors. For
lstance, whom the New York base
all team called, you snubbed them.
lhen the next presidential game Is {
layed you will 90 out on first" IL
"Its too late now," Harrison
ghed. IL
again, when delegation of the {
constructed Order Of Improved
ed Mnffs called, you didn't offer to I
lake hands with them. There are
1000 Red Muffs who will vote the {
emocratic ticket next time."
II have no patience with all this ,
'cret mummery." In
when Jones, of Milwaukee, G. C.1
I'd M. e G. II. l. T., of Most Puis- !
mt and Mysterious Peruvian Bark
eelers, paid his respects, you never 1
i'd beer once" FaF&- Ia
"Wfo was hep" II
"Great scott! Don't you know that !
though he is little hammered !
)wn and wed-off shoemaker, he is
SO Grand Oyclops and Most Exalt-
Curtain Fixer of the Inner Tenn !
Q? His influence Is unbounded In Z
% Order. That's where you lost !
M a million votes by not setting
mup.D
"Anything else 2v
"When the Odd Fellows wanted c
~ to lay cornor stone, you wrote Q
the Most Worshipful Past Grand \
rass Rod Handler that you had I
else to do. Another mill
N votes lost there" I
"Col. Snort, do you expect me TO