The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-01-17
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

| cars OOdp 10 al eIeSdnI lOlleJ duJ uuCt.
Beecham's Pills cure bilious and ner-
vous ills.
The Missouri pigs are so fat that in
order to find out where their heads are
then judge by the sound.
They say Bigelow is suing Bette and
the Baby" for half of their gift money,
but the baby don't care sou, so long as
it can get plenty of DR.. Bulls Cough
Syrup.
A poet anxiously asks "Oh, pallid
brow, where has the spirit gone p"
Don't ask the pallid brow. If your bot
tie is empty, make inquiries ofthe florid
nose. 1t knows where the spirit goes.
An old proverb runs Young devil,
old saint, and we want to know how
old fellow must be before they begin
to call him q saint StilllUdter Lumber
man. We infer that you are altogether
too young yet.
An editors wife never COOS through
her husbands other trousers pockets to
strike a package of love letters. Editors
are not like the wicked, unfaithful men
of the world-editors rarely have the
other trousers.
DR.. Gordon Holmes advises singers to
wear flannels. We have heard singers
who should wear flannels quarter OF
an inch thick-wear it over their mouths
Though piece of gutta percha would
answer just as well.
Four men stole a chest of tea one of
| ut hn nd 10
other three after few days. AT the
trial they said they had thirty-six ac-
complies. How could that be Surely
they were four tea-thieves.
A traveller, who crossed the Atlantic,
tells story of storm, where the rain
poured down in such torrents that the
ocean rose ten inches. There's no
mistake said he besides, the cap
tain kept mark on the side of the yes
sci.
"Hurrah hurrah !" cried a young
lawyer who succeeded to his fathers
practice. 1--WE settled that old lawsuit
at last Settled it P" exclaimed the
astonished parent. "Why, we've sup
ported the family on that for the last ten
years"
at was simply an informal affair, )"
wrote the editor, of a little strawberry
party at a neighbours house. ut was
simply an Internal affair."" eid the lin
telligent compositor," and the editor
will never get another invitation from
that quarter.
The great popularity of Ayers Pills as
cathartic is due no less to their
promptness and efficacy than to their
coating of sugar and freedom from any
Injurious effects. Children take them
readily. See Ayers Almanac for this
year, just out.
A stranger passing a church yard and
seeing hearse standing hard by, in
quired who was dead. The sexton in
formed him, what complaint ?"
asked the inquisitive one, Said the old
man There is no complaint every
body is satisfied"
We have a speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
and Headache, in SHILOH'S CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price SO cents. Sold
by j. I. Shurtletf.
Why do so many people we see around
us seem to prefer to suffer and be made
miserable by indigestion, constipation,
dizziness, loss of appetite, coming up of
the food, yellow skin, when for Is cents
we will sell them Shiloh's System Vital
izer, guaranteed to cure them. Sold by
j. T. Shurtleff, Bennington, VT.
For over Three Months
NV son suffered nipht and day with
rheumatism (; so much that he was un
able to feed himself. Your Sulphur
Bitters cured him, and | am truly thank
full to say they are an honest medicine.
|-MRs. W. II. CARLETON, wife of Dea-
con Carleton, First Baptist Church,
Winchester, Mass. site
A man who saw ghost while walk
ing along a lonely highway at midnight,
was puzzled. The ghost stood exactly
in the middle of the road, and the way
farer decided to investigate, poked at it
with his umbrella. The next instant he
was knocked twenty feet into mud
hole. Moral : Never poke at large
white mule when its back is turned.
printing is the great civilzer," says
modern writer. And that's so. An
editor, the other day, called local rival
a ''perjured scoundreI, not fit to live in
a civilized community and the next
day the perjured scoundrel called around
to the printing Office and civilized the
editor so numerously with a club, that
the foreman and the deyil had to edit
the paper for two weeks.
An aged, inquisitive old gent poked
his head into printing office door, in
the city, and asked, who's dead P"
The man at the wheel answered, mo
body that l have heard Of" The old
gent then asked, what is this Grape on
the door for Pr The boss then went out
and found that the "devil'' had hung the
Job office towel on the door knob while
he chased lame pigeon up the alley.
Look here, Matilda" said a Calves
ton lady to the colored cook, "you sleep
right close to the chicken house and you
must have heard those thieves stealing
the chickens" Eyes, ma'am, heard
de chickens holler, and heard de voices
OBJ de men" Why didn't you go out,
then P" Case, ma'am, | knowed my
old fadder was out dar, an / wouldn't
hab him know Use los confidence in
him foah all de chickens in de world"
A small ragged boy entered an oyster
mouse IN salem, MASS, ana asked
"Will you sell me an oyster for cent ?
| want it for my sick mother" What
is the matter with your mother ?n asked
the man, as he proceeded to fill can
with oysters thinking he would help TO
relieve a case of suffering. "She's got
black eye" was the reply. The benev-
olence rapidly faded from the mind Of
the oyster man, as he put one oyster in
a paper bag.
Perhaps no local disease has puzzled |
and baflled the medical profession more
than nasal catarrh. While not immed-
lately fatal it is among the most distress
ing, nauseous and disgusting ills the
flesh is heir to, and the records show
very few or no cases of radical cures Of
chronic catarrh by any of the multitude
of modes of treatment until the intro
doction of Ely's Cream Balm few years
ago. The success of this preparation
has been most gratifying and surprising.
ShiIOb's Consumption cure.
4. l.. Al