Morning journal and courier., 1889-01-19
FOK YOU.

"1 am laying for you," said the hen to the ousskeeper.-Merchant Traveller.
 At the average boarding house the oyster is rarely Gin the soup."-Yonkers Gazette.
 Philadelphia has a Col. New and Chicago Maj. Old, and now where does Gen. Average hang outaADetroit Free Press.
 Queer, but true-The finder box hotel is admittedly insecure, while in the fire proof hotel we also feel inn-secure. Mail
 Justifcation.-"What. such little fellow as you smoking cigars already" Small Boy "Yes, but only for the last year. r."-Fliegende Blstter.
 "Les bygones be bygones" is no sort of g motto for Q woman. She would turn her head around to look after stylish bon- net if it broke her neck.-Burlington Free Press.
 Patti says plenty of sleep is the secret of preserving one's beauty. It is also said that some of the handsomest men in New York oity are on the police force.-Nerristown Herald.
 If there is ever time in life when man gets thoroughly disappointed it is when he persuades somebody to get him up dinner of the things he used to like best when he was boy-Somerville Journal.
 The Coal Outlook. price of coal is fuctuating." Robinson-"Yes, the price goes up and down, but the weight re- mains stationary in the neighborhood of l. 500 pounds to the ton."-Texas Siftings.
 "Our hostess is noted for her sangfroid," remarked McCorkie at the DeBullion dinner, trying to open 8 conversation with Chica- go girl who sat next him. "Yes," replied the fair maid, "and her roasts are no slouch either. ."-Drake's Magazine.
 An intelligent taxpayer was asked to buy his daughter geography, and he wrote the principal of the school: "I do not see any use for girl to take geography lessons, for it is of no use to them, because they cannot be any officer in the army or navy."-St. Panl Globe.
 "And that is silver ore, is ita" said Mrs. Snaggs, as she examined 8 piece of curious looking mineral in Denver smelter. "Yes, my dear" said her husband "And how do they get the silver outa'' ''They smelt it." "Well, that's queer," after applying her nose to.the ore. sI smelt it, too, but didn't get any silver. ."-Omaha Bee.
 One of the primary schools of peighbor- ing town had returned to the a-b-c system of teaching reading, after having used the word system for some years, and youngster was showing how we'll he could read. He read: 'I-c-a-n," and interpreted it 'I see hen." His teacher must lie under suspicion of being cockney.-Lowell Courier.
 Hard to classify-ttSay, Padhrick," whis- pered Jacobson to his Hibernian friend, 'I wonder vot sort of man dot is at de odder end of de loonch counter?' "Begob," re- turned Pat, cycling the stranger, ''he must be one of thim new -fangled ducks called Eggnostics. A man that will eat bacon on Froiday is nayther Jew nor Christian!"- Puck.
 Ambitious mamma-s'Ethel, didn't I see young Mir. Ferguson paying particular atten- tion to you last evening at the party!" Ethel -"Yes, mamma; but Isnubbed him effectu- ally before the evening was over" Mamma -"Horror of horrors! Are you crazy?" Ethel Mot at all, mamma. Not this winter. His father is an ice packer" Mamma-"Yes, but he makes artificial ice." Daughter faints. J. Chicago Tribune