Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-12
PEALs OF LAUGHTER.

he needs to be.
1T is a very unfortunate thing for the
poets that the best known rhyme for
Cupid is stupid.
"NOT lost but gone beef-Ower, as the
butcher said when he learned that a Gus
toner had skipped without settling his
meat bill
IT'S a poor rule that won't work both
ways, as the boy said when he threw
back the one that had been hurled at
him by his teacher.
"GOING hunting with US next week,
Smithers ?" "No. sir!8 "Whv not?@
Il can find enough to lie about staying
at home. - Chicago Ledger.
"JUsT think, here I have been pay
ing for my nephew's lessons IN singing,
and what do you suppose he does in re-
turn He always sings his songs to
mel"
TIE saddest words are often the
eetest, murmured De Beer. "The
lovers goodnight, for instance. eyes,
sighed Miss Weary, q always like to
hear you say it.
MOTHER - Bobby, you shouldn't
speak 50 Grossly to your father. You
never hear him speak Grossly to me.
BObby-He dassent, ma; he's just like
me, he dassent.
You cannot always tell the size of a
mans ppcketbOok by the style his wife
gets herself up in. a woman with a
low-cut dress may have a husband with
a lOw-cut salary.
The Indiana cOmpositor who headed
a meeting of the town council Burglar
Meeting" instead of Regular Meeting"
should come to Boston right away. We
could utilize genius. Boston Pos
"I USED to think, said Uncle Ezra,
that this thing OF gals kissin' pug dogs
was purity tough, but SEN I come to
town an see soma Of the d1des we'll,
maybe the gals ant so much to blame
arter all"
SCENE-Teacher with reading class.
Boy (reading)-And she sailed down
the river. Teacher-Why are ships
called she? Boy (aIive to responsible
tiles of his SEX because they need men
to manage them.
New bride (who does the cooking,
starts up in bed at 2 a. m. Wake up,
Charlie. What is the matter? Why
do you grOan SO terribly in your sleep?
Charles (haIf awake)-I was dreaming,
darling, Of tO-mOrroW's breakfast!
Mrs. Browns new ball dress has
come home. Mr.. Brown-It is a pretty
dress, dear, but I shouldn't think it was
so heavy that you would need suspen-
ders to hold the skirt up. Mrs. B.
Suspenders, love! Why, that is the
waist
A POET in the Home journal sings
thus: "What are you to me, my dar-
ling? A shelter from the rain" When
pOesy renders a man unable to tell the
difference between a girl and an UNI.
brelIa, it is time that poets were re-
CURED to take out a high-priced license.
In Boston: Mrs. Berkley-Have YOU
seen those new prayer rugs at Pherr's?
Mrs. CIaundOse-Yes Aren't they
lovely? But do you know that since
the Concord school has made the occult
so popular I'm getting to prefer my
tiger mat for supplicative purposes?
A REGULAR freeze out: Traveller
Say, boy, what are you sitting there for?
You'll freeze to death. Boy between
his chattering teeth)-Why, der ole
man toIe me fer to take der pup out an
drown him; but de ice on der creek is
two feet thick, so thought I'd sit here
an freeze him to death.
On his arrival at fashionable water
ing place Herr A. met Herr B. and his
family about to return to Berlin with
bag and baggage. A.-Whatl going
back to town so soon? Why, the season
is not over yet. B. Cwhose two daugh-
ters have become engaged. Whats
the good OF staying any longer? I've
sold out.
WIFE CtO her husband. a physician
Did you stop at the Vancouver ball
tonight, William? Physiciau-For
few minutes, my dear. Wife-Did it
seem to be a successful affair? Physi-
cian-O, yes. While I was there
young lady fell in a fainting condition
and I prescribed for her. Here is her
fathers card.
MISTRESS Mercy on me, what
kitchen! Every pot, pan, and dish is
dirty, the table looks like Junk shop.
and-Why it viii take you a week to get
things cleaned up! What have you
been doing? Servant-Sure, mum, the
young leddies has just been down here
showing me how they roast a potato at
the cooking
UNAIASKED
There used to live learned man,
AS wise as wise could be;
You'd ind it very hard to find
a wiser man than he.
He'd studied all the OIogies
And knew them all by heart:
No man was better Yersed than he
In science or in art.
His neighbOrs all revered him. and
Deferred to him with awe;
They thought he was the wisest man
This old world ever saw.
But even this wise man proved no
Exception to the rule;
For finally he fell in love,
And acted like q