The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-04-18
WIT AND HUMOR.
A domestic drammer-the GROWER.

A domestic drammer-the GROWER.
-1erre Haute Express.
Our relations with Bismarck just
now seem to be cussin' Germau.-BoS-
ton Transcript.
A musical journal says that America
needs National air. Does, Ell? What's
the matter with the blizzard?-1he
Wasp.
Mr.. S.-Shall we cab on the Wether-
bees tonight, my dear? Mrs. S.-No;
l have nothing to wear. Mr.. So,
then we'll 60 to the opera.-LJe.
The cook is apt to admire and fire.
quently weds the handsome policeman
on her beat. The peeler is of great
use to the cook in apple and potato
times.-Nea0 York Sun.
Mother Bobby, you shouldn't
speak SO Grossly to yonr father. You
never hear him speak GROSSLY to me-
Bobby-He dassent, ma; he's just like
me. he dassent.-EpOch.
Young Mrs. Bynthere-Let's 60 in
here for coffee and oysters. Young
Mr.. Bynthere-But it's half-past 4, and
you said we had cards. Mrs. Bynthere
Yes, for o'clock tea.-Itrne.
Sixteen young ladies in Lowell have
formed a whist club and meet weekly
for practice. 1t is said that the neigh
bors can hear them play whist three
blocks away.-SOmerritte Journal.
Wife-"Where are you going, John?
It's getting late" Husband (who has
been reading patent-medicine al
manac)-"rm going to see doctor if
live to find one. "-Harper's Bazar.
The saddest words are often the
sweetest" murmured De Boor. The
lovers goodnight, for instance"
Yes" sighed Miss Weary, Il always
like to hear you say it."-Harper's Bd-
gar.
You cannot always tell the size of a
mans pocketbooL by the style his
wife gets herself up in. A woman
with low-cut dress may have hus-
band with a low-cut salary.-Ionkers
Statesman.
Lady Co applicant for coachman)-
Are you an Englishman?" Appli-
cant-s'No, mum. l was born in Ire
land. but I've lived so long in Ameriky
that s'pose do seem quite English,
you Know Harper'S Bazar.
Mrs. Postlewait - Did you notice
whether the Hastingses had much brio
a-brac in their new house? Mrs. AL
levs-They haven't much--but wait a
minute-yes, did see snow shovel
in their cellarway.-Judge.
Wife-Isn't this strange? The paper
saws a North Penn locomotive engineer
left his house to be shaved a month
AGO and has not been seen since. Hus-
band (abscntly)-Um! waiting for his
turn, probably. PHILADELPHIA Record.
New bride (who does the cooking.
starts up in bed at a. m.)-Wake up,
Charley. What is the matter? Why
do YOU groan so terriblyin your sleep?
Charley (half awake)-I was dream
ing, darling, of tomorrow's breakfast!
Lies.
Mrs. Browns new ball dress has
come home Mr.. Blown-It is Il pretty
dress, dear, but l shouldn't think it
was so heavy that YOU would need sus-
penders to hold the skirt UP. Mrs. b.
-Suspenders, love! Why, that is the
waist!-LjeS.
Mr.. Splurge-If you will lot me
have that diamond crescent on memo
randum this evening | thinkl may eff
feet a sale. Jeweler (aside to clerk) y
l see his wife is going to the Lieders-
wing ball tonight. Tell him it is sold.
-JetoeIers' Weekly.
Miss Uppercrust Govt shopping)-
What Il beautiful woman! Mrs. Up
percrust-Yes, but she doesn't amount
to anything-mOves in some vulgar set
or other | just heard her ask the
price of bonnet before trying it on.
PhiIadelphia Record.
St. Peter--''You were a good little
boy on earth, and now you enter to
your reward" Boy Spirit-"Can l
have a tin horn and a drum and a
horse tiddle?" 30. no, but you can
have harp and a crown. 81 wish
I'd been bad. "-Nct0 York Weekly.
MY dear" said fashionable young
wife from the head of the stairs, ''have
you seen anything of my white kid
Slippers? | have searched everywhere
for them" did you look in the bed?
You came in late last night and
think you forgot to take them off. -
Epoch.
Mrs. Winks-The paper says cold
wave has developed in Montana and
is expected here within week. Mr..
Winks-Wcll. send word to the plumb
er that our pipes have burst, and then
he and the cold wave will get here
about the same time. = NetO YORK.
Weekly
Smith Oo his companion) Love
(hic)ly weather were havin', OF fcl'
(hic). Brown-Fine rs silk; but (hic)
see the storm signal is up. Smith
Storm (hic) signal; where? Brown.
Right up (hic) there; that light in m
wife's bedroom. Lecture sure Wait
ham RerieC.
In Boston: Mrs. Berkeley-Have
You seen those new prayer rugs at
Pherr's? Mrs. Claundose-Ycs Aren't
they lovely? But do YOU know that
since the Concord school has made the
occult so popular I'm getting to pre-
fer my tiger mat for supplicative pur-
poses? Time
A poet in the Home Journal sings
thus: what are you to me, my darl-
ing? A saelter from tie rain When
poesy renders man unable to tell the
difference between girl and an UNI
brella, it is time that poets were re-
quired to take outa high-priced license.
-PHtS5urg BailetH.
What a wonderful painter Rubens
wasm remarked Merritt at the art gall
lery. Yes asserted Cora, .'it is
said of him that he could change a
laughing face into sad one by
single stroke" Why" spoke up little
johnnie IN disgust, my school teacher
can do that. "-Huper-S Bdzar.
Friend (to Kentucky ColoneD-I
hear, Colonel. that you and Major
Sevengallons were taken down with
the jim-jams together. sir, the other
night. Colonel Qoftily) = No, sir,
there was not enough liquor between
us for that. l had the jims and he had
the jams, but, sir, we couldn't COM
bine.-LieS.
Wife Ito her husband. a physicianl