News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-07-25

BETTER LEFT UNsAID


Emp1oyer-Theny you may have entire
control of my extensive business al1d
name your own salary Omaha World
BETTER LEFT uNsAID.
| The Pastors Wife, TalkweI OK
changes with my husband next Sunday.
Thoughtess Parishioner = Indeed !.
Perhaps I can persuade my husband to
come to churehs-[Iife.
STANDING OFFER.
Dolly-I had standing offer fr a
Molly-You tsqn't say Who VI it,
dear?
Dolly--I dent know. He offere31Ts5
stand up and give me his seat tt..s61te
WHAT HE NEEDED.
Mr.. Woodware-That young fellow
you have in your office is the most -zssn-
ceited puppy l ever ran across.
| Mr.. Queensware-Y / knows but
yOu must remember he is sorng YET,
and his character is not fully formed.
He has never been tried by fire.
Mr.. WOODWARD Then you'd better fire
him. New York Weekly.
AN INTERESTING STORY. -
Watson-What was the largest trout
you ever caught, Fly2
Fly-Let's see, what day of the week
is this, Watson
Watson Monday, L believe. But
what in the world has that to do with
my questions
Fly-Oh, nothing, only guess yon'd
better wait till Wednesday. [ always
like to get as far as possible from Sun
day when l tell about that tro1s+-
Bonneville Journal.
HINT FOR THE NEXT TUNNEL.
Mrs. Hunnemune (as the train emerges
from long tunnel Dear mo, John,
did you kiss me just now in the dark
Mr.. Hunnemune (glancing arcH~ko
find the perpetrator of the chest tlutty
outrage) mo, indeed [ wonder who
dared to
Mrs. Hunnemune (simply)-Nobody
But you missed n splendid chance, John.
: Puck.
PRESENCE OF MIND.
Penelope Peachblow-It is evident
that woman over there paints.
Bishop Gullem-She is my sister.
Penelope Peachblow-I was going to
say it is evident she paints from the in
terest she takes III that young artist.
Il Life.
THOUGHTFUL GIRL.
Husband-Your sister Jennie has run
away and got married-eloped.
Wife (faintly)-What was she married
in?
Husband-Silk.
Wife (relieved) )-Then she didn't dis
grace the family after all. Whom did
she marry !-LBazar.
NOT AS LONESOME AS THAT.
Wife Now, George, you won't be
lonesome when Tn gone, will you?
Husband I'll try not to be.
Wife If you are, you know you can
Husband (quickly)-I don't rbinnA
there will be any danger of my getting
lonesome. Epoch.
IN THE ADrhoNDAoKs.
You're the most cowardly creature 1
ever met" sneered the dog to the flying
deer.
"True, was the reply, "but 1 always
die game"
AN APT CHARACTERIZATION.
"Thev say Wildboy is settling down
and bids fair to become a great legal
light. ;,
''Ah, yes; a sort of gas fixture. -
BaZar.
SHE GOT IT.
They were sitting on the piazza that
faced the SEA watching the white sailed
Yachts as they crossed the moon 8 tracks,
when he suddenly said:
81 think it must be delightful sailing
on such lovely night.
ooh! lovely, | should think.
81 wish | owned yacht for your sake.
/ would take you sailing every night.
"That would be Just lovely"
"What kind of n yacht would you
prefer-a steam yacht OF sailing one?''
81 think" she murmured, as she
glanced around, 81 think would like o
little smack.
She got it Boston Courier.
SLOW PROGRESS OF TIE GAME.
A Young man we'll known in society
circles, who has Il billiard-r'%9m IN the
house, was ono evening teaching young
lady, in whom he was somewhat IN
teressted, to play. The small boy OF the
family went up to view the game, but
was evidently not greatly pleased witt
its progress and soon came down. Some
one of the family asked him how the
game was going on, and he said: 1.-The
game is not going on at all. Uncle =
IS not playing at all; he is just standing
there holding Miss IS hand. That
all he's doing, and don't think there,
o,,,- finn in that sort of n GAME In