The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1889-11-08
CARL puNDeR.
He Is Catching ON to American Ways It

Last.
"Hellol Mr.. DunderI" saluted Sergt. BEN
dali as that individual entered the Central
station with a broad, satisfied smile on his
countenance.
"Hellol sergeant vhas eafrythings all
right NIT your
81 guess so. You look happy"
Sergeant, vhas shust like sweet oil. No
more troubles for me. vhas catching on to
do shust like Americans"
81 am glad of that You used to be ter
ribly green"
$50 I vhas. Three months ago doan
know some beans in a bag. Hal hal Der
cows come along and take me for some grass.
II it rains I shtandt right out doors and get
wet Hal hal It makes laugh when see
how green vhasi"
"Anything happened latelyT" queried the
sergeant in careless way.
"Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try to
beat me, but dey doan' make oudt vhas
too sharp for 'em. One Teller comes along
NIT six pairs of sheep shears in bundle. He
doan' want to sell dose shears, but he likes to
borrow three dollars for one day und leaf
'em for security. If he doan' come pack in
one day dose shears vhas mine"
II see"
HE doan' come pack Maybe he break his
leg or something, but dot vhas nothing to me.
keep dose shears. If somepody beats me, ser
geant, he shall hat to get COP very early in
der morning"
"Ipresume so. Have you the shears there7'
II haf l belief you like to see EN-"
'They are worth two shillings pair" said
the sergeant, after an inspection. "You are
out of pocket fourteen shillings, and what do
you expect to do with sheep shears?"
"Heafensl doan' think of dotl" gasped
Mr. Dunder as he grew white in the face.
Anything else?'
'Vhell, I get my life insured. / doan' be-
lief vhas sheated by dot. A teller comes
along und says vhas Carl Dunder2 vhas.
Well, der president of der United States says
he likes me to call on you und insure your
life. Dis vhas new company und a new
idea. let you in by der ground floor. I like
your name to influence odder people,
"'How vhas dot new ideaq
"You pay only two dollars eafery twenty
years, and if you die your wife gets Sc, 600.
It vhas der biggest thing out. Shildrens cry
for it. Vanderbilt, Shay Gould, Russell
Sage und all der big fellows vhas into it.
How oldt you vhas-who vhas your grand
mother-how many teeth have you lost oudt
vas you carer DlC Dy some OOgS-Q1Q you
eafer own white horse-how often you fall
down stairs-do you ride on some bicycles,
und dis vhas der truth, der whole truth, und
nothing but der truth"
"And he wanted the 81 in advancef"
queried the sergeant.
"Of course Dot vhas to pay for shwearing
me-"
well, you are beaten again, Mr.. Dunder.
Insurance men don't do business that way.
Good dayl"
"How you meanT'
"You had better go home. Have you got
tub in your house2"
"Of course"
"Any bran at the barnF'
eyes"
"Well, make the tub about half full Of
mash, and then put your head to soak for
about forty -eight hours. When through buy
some No. 4 sandpaper and polish it down to
the bone"
Sergeant, vhas some greenhorns9'
"You are"
"Vhiu I eater learn something's"
"Never."
''Then, good-by! shan't try no more. It
vhas queer country, und nothing vhas der
same two times alike. When my body vhas
brought in here doom make fun of it. Shust
use it silently und say dot did so well ash I
could. detroit Free Press