Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-06
WAX EFUL.

Mike-"Paddy, wake up. It's like dead mon yez look, lying there aslape." Paddy "Faith, and it's dead mon on have to be before Oi get wake."-Kearney Enterprise.
 ''If there is anything cheaper than dirt it is soap," remarked Lycurgus, as he gathered up armful of sample packages of that article which had been left on his doorstep. Puck.
 A Lost Opportunity. -Kissable Girl (sud denly)-Take care, someone will see you! Good-looking but Bashful Beau-What am doinga Kissable Girl (scornfally(-Nothingt Once Week.
 decent over to your house." Mrs. Jones' boy That's so. Ma said yesterday that your folks had borrowed everything we had in the house. ."-Kearney Enterprise.
 Friend No Longer.-"How is your friend Beggss" ''He isn't my friend any longer" s'Whyl how is thata" ssHe did me deadly injury, and don't suppose he'll ever consent to forgive me for it.-Chicago Ledger.
 This Waiter Wasn't to Blame.-Sarcastio Guest-'tWaise how long hsvs you been in this establishmenta' Waiter-"Six weeks, dered that beefsteak. Excuse me. e."-Texas Siftings.
 'tSee here, want your dog shot," "What
  "Yes, he did," Its very strange! Do you know that dog never bit anybody but child ren before nows can't understand 1t at all" Rochester Budget.
 Circumlocution: "How does it happen that the Barons affairs grow all the time worsea Don't his people look after the advantage of their lorda" "Yes, of course, but when they have found it they put it in their own pock- ets."-Fliegende Blatter.
 Self-Preservation.- Old Gentle- man-Whatl Marry my daughtera You are being supported by your father; suitor Yes, sir; but my father is tired of sup porting me and thought I'd better get into another family.-New York Weekly.
 What He Wanted-Smyth-Th my dear fellow, this is what cali very pretty suburb. Here you can get any kind of house you want for $4, 900 up. Brown-Glad to hear 1t. Most of the houses l have seen in other suo- urbs have been 5000 0down.-Amsrics.
 Poor Consolation.-Artist who has just come back from his vaction-'I declare can't paint today. I have forgotten all I knew" Model-"Oh, don't be 50 diecour- aged. It won't take long for you to pick up all you knew before. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
 -"Rushville! Nashville! Train Blossom-"Seems to me that's 8 mighty queer rule, Mirandy. Well, les git out that basket of sandwiches quick if we've got to eat lem in 10 minutes. ."-Detroit Free Press. Prospective bride (dreaming of her ap. preaching marriage)-"Such beautiful va riety of handsome presentsl Almost every- thing we want for housekeeping" Bride (after the weddingl-"Dsar mel Do they ex. peot us to live on cake!"-Jewelers' Weekly. Gradually Wasting Away-"When you, practising friend across the way has learned how to plsy the oornet he will entertain the whole neighborhood," said Mrs. Brown "Yes," said Mrs. Grown, but by that time there won't be any neighborhood here."- Somerville Journal.
 l Smith-"What are you loafng around 1 town at this time of night for2" Brown "'Fraid to go home. Wife told me to bt sure and remember something, and Eve for gotten what it was" Smith -"It wasn't dry goods or groceries was itg' Brown-''No.' Smith-"Baby food, tacks or theatre tick etss' Brown-"No, but have just thought of it, Smith-"What was ita" Brown .sshe wanted me to remember to come hom' early. Chicago Jourual.
 | Mary had little lamb,
 | She has him now no longer,
 For they made him up into elixir l To make her grandpa stronger.