Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-02-01
HUMOROUS pARAGRApHss

steamship.
A rImE-rApLE-Tho watch dealors'
price list.
PRoMIssoRY notes are frequently
classed as paper-waits.
a LADY invited to party sont her
regrets. Her husband came.
THERE promises to be great deal Of,
back talk in the photograph. t.
TINE never flee 30 fast ~ when YOU
are playing billiards by the hour.
They call It "duok of a bonnet"
bseause there is so much bill to it.
The way for doctor to become wolf
known is to make his patients we'll.
THERE arc no flies on me-" sold n
stage after tho theater burned down.
WISE man will never lift lid of
hot stove With his fingers more than
once.
10 THE youth struggling with an in
cipient mustachp tho darkest hour is
Just before the down"
.! WILL now put on my falls suit"
said the guide Mt Niagara MS ho pro-
pared to go under tho cataract.
ALL tho New York papers are com.
planning that our gold is going abroad.
1t can probably afford the trip.
~ Girl. may not see much in her
sweetheart to laugh Mt, but his mus
tacho is pretty sure to tickle hor.
WE will either hnve to quit taking
wood on subscription or lose n GOOD
deal of confidence in human nature.
THERE is only the difference of mn $
between woman's weakness and mans
weakness: One is gossip and tho othor
is go sip.
Social philosopher lis marriage n
failure? Furniture man Great Scott
No. I've made $1,000 this year OH baby
coaches alone.
A FASHION exchange says: "Bangs
are again i'll order" Some of them are
not. In fact, we've seen some very
much ont of order
"JonN, you are not listening TO ono
word am saying" why, my dear.
am NIL cars" IL know you arc, and that
makes it all tho more provoking"
TIE phonograph shows that mans
VOICE has not the same sound to him
self that it has to others, thus finally
explaining why some people persist in
singing.
BLrNKs-Think your wife would OBJ
lect to having you go oil duck shooting
with me? Jinks-Im afraid she would
If asked her, but I'll tell my little son
to order her to let mo go. Sho always
obeys him.
SHE-Now you know there is no uso
Tor You to go out and SEQ IL mau this
k1r,. Il. -
know soul in tho city He-No, r
don't know soul, hut ! expect to mcet
few spirits l nm acquainted with.
"GEoRdE, DEAR what beautiful dia-
mond butterfly I looks ready TO ay."
IL don't see why it wants to hy,"
growled George. "Honvon knows It's
high enough now. Tho roll-plate
counter is ut the other end of tho
store. Come on"
VISITOR Ito press-rcoms of news.
paper)--Why, dear me, what n lot of
machinery you have in this room
Pressman-Ycs. V.-hnd whit n biz
boiler you have there. PIT is big
boiler. Wis that the boiler you uso
for boiling down your dispatches.
CASHIER (stopping Mr. Dumlev)-
by tho way, Dumley, L sec that your
bank account is ovcrtlrawn to tho tune
of $3.50. Dumley-All right, old man
if you send boy down to my Office
with statement of the whole business.
I'll give you n check for the amount.
"An," said Mr.. Scourplate, grimly,
as he adjusted his nccktic, eve ave to
put hup with the airs of these society
people hall day; but when cvenink
comes, mo boy, they show wot tho truly
gcntscl is by puttink on the dress that
We wear nj day" "That's So" replied
Mr.. Crumbcloth with IL grave nod.
"You ave n great 'ead, 1'ummi,: we
walters DO the real leaders of fashion"
HOSTESS must apologize for tho
salad Tonight My parlor maid usu-
ally makes the dressing, and is an adopt
at it, but she was taken suddenly i'll |
this afternoon and couldn't make if.
Mrs. Asinine (sympnthetically)-How
very provoking. Hostess-Ye,; tried |
to dose her we'll, but it was of no uso.
She was quite hors du combat. Mrs.
Asinine(more mpatlotically) that
so? My nnfailing remedy for that is
peppermint
THREE ASTERS
Near her oasol. graceful dainty
Doftly touching. hero and there,
First ho saw her somewhat painty
I'm fni