The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1889-06-06
WHAT THE WITS SAY.
More or Less Funny.

fingers.
A man back of the Yards who has
made dogs a study, says a dog is in
full dress when he has on his collar
and pants.
Chow is it you have so few deaths
on your hands, doctorI" -"That's
easy enough. When l find / have
bad case / order the patient to take
a trip abroad"
Husband: "You want a bonnet
and l want pair of trousers, and l
have only got ten dollars" Wife
(sobbiDg): You don't suppose l
can get bonnet for ten dollars, do
your"
"Oh, let me cool my aching head"
she exclaimed, throwing open the
window duringa summer shower
and the rain began to pat her on the
pain.
Lady-These berries look very
large and ripe. Little boy (who is
selling berries for the first time, j.
Yes, mum, the little green ones are
all underneath That's the way the
boss fixes 'em up every morning.
Would-be purchaser-How much
for this picture? Artist-The price is
$4,000. Why, man alive! you expect
to be paid for your work as if you
| ho Il 1T,n1
years.
There is bright bit of humor in
the telegram received at a golden
wedding in Windsor Locks, from a
former pastor, now a missionary
among the Mormons: at is better
to live with one wife so years than
with SO wives one year"
Mr.. S.-See here, my boy, Mr..
Brown doesn't like you to swing on
his gate. Precocious boy. (who has
lately been to Sunday-schooD-Well,
/ don't care for Mr.. Brown, nor his
man-servant, nor his mald-servant,
por his OK, nor, his ass, nor anything
that is his.-Rural New Yorker.
Father-''Bobby, are you too lame
and tired to walk mile and a hall
to the circus?" Bobby-"No indeed,
father" Father-"Well, then, you
will go out in the yard and run the
lawn mower until bedtime. I've no
circus money this year. "-Omaha
World.
care your parents at homer" asked
q gentleman of a young woman who
responded to his knock on the door
of cabin down in Georgia. "My
parent mother is, but my parent
father are not" was the unexpected
reply, given in a comically precise
and mincing manner.
A miller fell asleep in his mill, and
bent forward until his hair was
caught in some machinery, and al
most handful of hair was pulled
out. OF course he was awakened.
His first bewildered exclamation was
now?-Tid Bits.
go, papa, was Gagged once" said
a little girl. when l was visiting
auntie in the country last summer ]
went into some bushes, and after q
while I found l was caught. The
bushes were SO thick that | couldn't
get out" "Well, how did you finally
get ont?" co." she replied, with a
toss of her curly head, Il had little
hatchet and Matched myself out. .
Mrs. Esthete Gin old furniture
store)-"I am looking Tor genuine
and antique bedroom set. The pro-
prietor is out, is he?" New Boy
eyes, boss won't be back for an hour
We've got what you want, though. .
"Have you? Oh! Oh, I'm delighted
But perhaps it is new set made in
imitation of an old" "No'me; it's
genuine, l guess. The boss told me
to put insect powder on it this morn
ing.-Time.
Patrick Gin Ireland)-"Sure it's 6
foine country Americky is, Biddy
OH be atther sthartin' there al
onct." Biddy-"D'yez not have tc
work there the same as here?" Pat
rick-"No, indade. Me brother Moikt
writes that he is policeman, an has
nothing to do but shtand on cor
and assist toine ladies acrost thu
strate, an ate oranges an nuts an
bananas. New York Weekly.
Somestrolling Thcspians were once
playing Macbeth in a country
town. Their properties were mo-
kept in very systematic order, for
when the hero of Shakespeare drama
exclaimed: "Is this dagger which
J Isee before me?" a shrill voice re
} sponded from the "fiies," ono, sir
j it's the putty-knife; the dagger'E
lostr- Household Words.
A witty as we'll as q soft answer
will sometimes turn away wrath
: Charles Burleigh, the Abolitionist
in the midst of an anti-slavery
speech, was struck by a rotten egg
full in the face Pausing to wip,
away the contents of the missile, h
said, calmly: II have always con
tended that pro-slavery argument
are very unsound." The crowt
roared, and he was no longer mo
Tested.
! 4 teacher in one OF the public
schools, while explaining to her youn!
scholars how vast was the extent O
Queen Victoria's possessions, repeat
ed the expression ''that the sun never
sets on her dominions." This fac
+ evidently impressed one little girl
/ as a few weeks later, when answering
: her written examination in geogra
ply, in reply to the question. "Whicl
country has the warmest climate OF