Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-09
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
A Man Reporters Detest-An Echo Of the
sewickley Meeting-The Law Of Com
uensatian and che TnIa ar n Rnrr.J

A Man Reporters Detest-An Echo Of the
sewickley Meeting-The Law Of Conn
psnsation and the Tale Of Barrel.
A MAN whom newspaper reporters cordially
detest is he who begs that some particulaf
abuse may be. as he terms 1t. written up.'i
and afterward, when the reporter possibly at
the expense of much trouble and hard work
has complied with the request, coolly processes
to have no interest in the matter. no thanks to
give. He is common pest Every reporter Of
years experience has met him.
A very large specimen of this species not
long ago approached a certain newspaper
writer of this city aud asked him to draw the
public's attention to the fragrant misbehayior
of street railroad corporation. The writer
agreed to do SO. and being properly conscien.
tious, investigated the subject for himself
thoroughly before writing a line. He then
treated the railroad to little sober advice. and
it was startled intoaarge improvements at once.
Some days afterward he met the man who
had asked him to do this work, and was sur
prised that he did not even SO much as allude
to the subject. The writer asked him if he had
seen the article in question.
mo-" replied the impudent bore, "I don't
read your paper"
per are not its regular readers. This may be
hard to believe, but ask any veteran newspaper
proprietor or editor and he will confirm IT.
sxR
THE LAW OF CONFIRMATION.
The sun delights to spend its rays
Upon some ugly spot,
To make a rainbow of haze,
Or gid chimney pot.
The monarch ocean condescends
To kiss muddy shore;
And oft pretty nostril lends
Its beauty to snore.
know that all tfAs isn't news,
But it may help you when
You wonder pretty women choose
To marry ugly men.
-
AS the enthusiastic White meeting of se-
wicklians was making the dust palpitate ON the
Beaver road on Tuesday night, young lady
rushed into house not far from the scene of
eloquence and said to her mother: "They are
making an awful noise at Choral Hall! 1t must
be full house."
"How can you say So" her mother grandly
replied, when you know that nearly all of
them are Prohibitionists."
THERE'S story from the old times when the
Prohibition idea was not SO strong in the rural
districts near here as it isto-day.
At a certain farm in Moon township there
lived good man who had the misfortune to be
linked to an Incorporate wife. She would
drink. SO the veraoious chroniclers of Moon
township inform me, any two men under the
table. At harvest time in those days it was
considered indispensable to have barrel of
good old Monongahela whisky for the farm
help.
1t happened one year that when the harvest
came around the old farmers wife had been
celebrating rather eavily, and yet her desire
for ardent spirits was unappeased. The ques-
tion which agitated the old farmers mind was
how to keep the barrel of whisky from the har-
she and the whisky were left alone in the
house together there would not only be no
whisky, but also no dinner for the harvesters.
He took counsel, and the result was that the
barrel of whisky was slung up to the center
beam of the barn and lashed firmly in such a
place that it could only be reached and lowered
to the ground by man who could climb out to
1t. Then he and the help went into the field
with the comfortable assurance that the barrel
ofwhisky was beyond the old lady's reach.
But she had seen the barrel rolled out to the
barn, and as soon as the men we're away from
the house she went out to reconnoiter. She was
somewhat irate when she saw the barrel hung
up out of her reach. 1t took her ten minutes to
decide on a course of action. Then she returned
to the house ana picked out clean washtub.
With this tub and her husbands rife she re.
turned to the barn. She placed the tub direct
ly under the barrel. Raising the rife to her
shoulder she fred at the barrel, sending ball
clean into the center of the barrel.
Down came a stream of the golden juice of
the rye, playing tune on the tub which made
the old woman smile sweetly.
There is no need to go into details. When the
harVesters came in from the field they found
the old woman asleep beside the tub. Some
whisky was left, but the dinner was not cooked.