davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
sDappen VS.. Dappen.s

have read in American papers di-
vorce cases that were really most comic,
When q will has to be administered
matters have to become very mixed up,
as you may easily imagine. Who are
the legitimate children?
Of course all these COMMISSIONS make
work for the men of law, who naturally
think American legislation the finest in
the world
The city of Chicago alone possesses
seventeen hundred and sixty eight law
yers, all thriving.
What capital subject for an opera
bouffe might be got from some of those
Chicago divorce cases! What merry
quid-pro-quosl What amusing scenes!
Choruses of lawyers choruses of lawful
wives, with the refrain:
@We are Mrs. Jonathan, ira 1ai"
I extracted from Chicago paper the
following evidence, full of originality
and humor. The plaintiff is at the bar,
being examined:
"What is your husbands occupation ?"
asked the counsel.
@Habitual drunkenness, sir" said
Mrs. Dappen.
AHe made cigars"
Good cigars?"
Occasionally"
Here counsel drew cigar from his
pocket.
"This, your honor, is one of the de-
PENDANTS cigars"
Mark it Exhibit A." said the
Judge.
Had Mr.. Dappen any other pro-
fession?" continued the lawyer.
Mot to my knowledge" said Mr..
Dappen's wife.
Never practiced as dentist?"
@Not professionally"
"Now, Mrs. Dappen, on your oath,
did not your husband extract six of
your teeth?"
Mrs. Dappen looked timidly around.
Mr.. Dappen being evidently out of
hearing, she whispered, HE did,"
did he administer gas, or ether, or
any anasthetic?"
"No, SIR"
@Did he extract the teeth one after
the other?"
@He extracted them altogether"
@Had your husband any license to
practice as dentist?"
Inever heard of it. He used to say:
I will allow you dollar day. Bring
me the accounts every week, and if /
ever find cent missing I will knock
your teeth out"
did he find any deficit in your ac-
counts?"
"One Saturday night could not bal
ance the books. was Is cents short.
Without a word my husband struck me
in the mouth. Six of my teeth were
knocked out. I swallowed two"
3Have you the other four in court ?"
~Yes, sir"
@Mark them Exhibit b." said the
Judge.
Eventually the divorce was granted.
Mar O'RelPs Jonathan and His
Continent"
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
Temperature Of Food and Drinks.

A medical journal gives the results of
Prof. Uffelmans researches in the field,
and adopts the following rules:
1. That in general, temperature of
food and drink which approaches that
of the blood is most healthful. For
musings such temperature is essential.
2. For quenching the thirst the best
temperature is from so degrees f. to 60
degrees F. The favorite American
temperature is, as is well known, 80 de-
grees F., and an issue is raised at once
between Prof. Uffelman and the Ameri-
can nation.
8. The ingestion of very hot or very
cold food or drink in health has dam
aging effect, which the hot or cold sub
stance is taken. Hence the gulping
down of icewater or hot coffee, etc.,
means eventually, according to the light
we are quoting, mere ventral damna-
ton. If a person takes drink for the
purpose of warming himself, as in cold
weather, he can accomplish this by hav-
ing the drink at a temperature of 116
degrees to 100 degrees F.
4. The use of very hot and cold sub
stances, following or alternating, is in
furious to the teeth. But the taking of
cold water lessons the injurious action
of extremely hot substances upon the
stomach.
5. Ingestion of cold food and drinks
lessons the bodily temperature, whether
it be normal or febrile.
6. Cold fluids lessen the hyperirrit-
ability of the stomach.
Cold ingesta raise the tonus of the
stomach, increase peristalsis, and pro-
mote movement of the bowels. Cold
food and drinks increase the tendency
to cough, according to Ufelman, by
causing refexly a congestion of the
bronchial vessels. Hence, persons with
bronchial disease ought not to indulge
in cold drinks It is, however, COM
mon custom to give persons who suffer
from pulmonary hemorrhage ice to swal-
low; and, according to the view stated,
this would be an injurious practice.
Hot food and drinks stimulate the
stomach more than cold, but after re-
peated use they lessen the tonus of the
digestive tract, and cause congestion
and dyspepsia This condition has been
observed after the (so-calleO hot-water
cure. Hot drinks tend to lessen bron-
chial irritation, and hence the success
in some cases of the hot-water treatment
of CONSUMPTION.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04

Many of our young folk have heard
or read of the Egyptian mummies.
Owing to the wonderful skill with which
they have been embalmed, they are in
as perfect state of preservation as on
the day they were entombed, some four
or five thousand years ago. But that
nature is as skillful as art will be seen
by the following curious discovery:
Not long ago some miners were
searching in the Sierra Madre noun
tains for cave, supposed to be filled
with hidden treasures. As they were
following an Indian trail, one of them
hit something hard with his pickax.
On loosening the soil they discovered,
not cave filed with gold, silver, and
precious jewels, but an old Indian vault
containing the remains of five human
beings, two men, young woman, and
mother with child or years old.
The bodies were in perfect preserva-
ton. The features were as distinct as
in life, and the eyebrows in natural
state. The woman had long, fine, dark
hair. Both men and women were
wrapped in coarse, WOODEN cloth.
Now, we must remember that the
Indian is ignorant of the art of en-
balming, an art that requires much
nice skill as well as thorough knowl-
edge of medicine; therefore, we must
infer that the bodies were embalmed
through natural process, namely,
through the dry atmosphere and pc
culiar temperature of the vault in
which they were placed. The bodies
were Immediately forwarded to San
Francisco, where they have been the
subject of much curiosity and discus
sion. They are supposed to have
belonged to one of the four Indian
tribes of Aztecs, Toltecs, Moquis, or
Zunis. The region of the cave was at
one time the seat of an Indian en-
pire, whose people, Judging from sur
viving relics, were comparatively civ
ilized.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
Be Truthful.

Harry" said little Annie one day,
after working long time over her
slate, wont you tell me just what this
means? I forgot what Miss Acton said
about it"
II can't" said Harry; "I've got lots
to do to get ready for my lessons to-
morrow. shall not have minute to
myself all the rest Of the day."
@Oh, dear!" sighed Annie, as she
bent over her slate again.
just then Edward Ellis came rushing
into the ROOM
"Come on, Harry" he said, were
all going off to Mr.. Jones' woods for
nuts. You've got time to 60 along,
haven't you?"
"All right" cried Harry, springing
up and fiinging his book aside. "I1l
put off studying my lessons until this
evening" And within five minutes he
was on his way to the woods.
Should you call Harry very truth
full and generous little boy that after
noon ?-Christia1a InteIligencer.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04

Farmer Long was feeling poorly, and
thought he ought to reduce the num-
Der of his hands" He was one who
always liked to have crowd around
him in the field. How was he going to
arrange things? He settled it by going
to the State Reform School and picking
out the "ikeliest" boy that he saw
there. Possibly he thought that by
this act he was helping himself, and
doing missionary work too
Hank Wilson was in clover. Most
boys of seventeen would not have found
much fun in the work on farm, even
if Mr.. Long was the good-natured, lazy
man he was generally reported to be.
The change, however, from stone walls,
prison atmosphere, and almost prison
treatment, to the absolute freedom of
three hundred acres of field, wood, and
pond, was welcome, and Hank pitched
into work as if the first sixteen years
of his life had been years of running
errands, driving COWS and loading hay,
instead of loafng around the streets of
large seaport town. He had learned
there, besides other worse things, a
good deal of shrewdness.
"Guess Teller don't find place like
this every day. I'm going to stay, for
the summer, anyway
Such was Hanks thought after his
first dinner at Mother Longs table.
So it happened that all were charmed
at the way he worked Farmer Long
had not expected much from the boy.
IF you can make him better boy,
Jeanne and Mabel, you will be doing
well" he said to the fifteen-year-old
twins. II know he used to smoke, and
am afraid he may swear"
Thus it came about that Hank was
closely watched. The twins, captivat-
ed by his wonderful tricks and stories,
soon made friends with him. Hank,
on his part, was greatly pleased by the
attention shown him by the little girls,
and vowed to himself in knightly fash
ion not to give them chance to be
ashamed of him. In his eagerness to
please them he made use of vivid inn
agination for his stories. Once or twice,
l am sorry to say, he drew on this inn
thought it best the twins should not
know. He must have felt it was not
just the thing to lie, but q boy who had
been kicked around the way Hank had,
comes to agree with him, that aevery
teller must look out for himself, and
what's tongue for, if it isn't to use
when you need it 2"
Meanwhile, great trouble came up
ON Mother Long. Her hens began to
stop laying. For week Mabel had
not found half-dozen eggs. Although
the Plymouth Rock cackled Justify and
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04

Br v. youNoBLooD.

81
Draw near to mo, dear Tom.
Come rest yourself In this arm chair,
There's comfort here dear Tom
Which you and shall share.
Long years have gone by, Tom,
Since You and / were boys together,
LIES been strife with you and me-
Since we went bounding DER the heather.
The suns OF many years. Tom.
Have marked your old familiar face,
How white your locks are, Tom;
All, nae there's wrinkles can trace.
We've grown gray together, boy,
Though fate has cast our lots apart,
Times traced us both alike, Tom,
AS we, have traced each others heart.
Ills not Hfe's battles, Tom,
Nor cares that's burden to the heart:
IT'S fate which b1ights life, Tom,
And bids our sweetest joys depart,
Twas years ago, dear friend,
The Harvest time, the moonlit nights
Shed halo DER the scene
And whispering Angels took their flight.
Fit wooing time, dear Tom,
A time when youths ardor ct its height
Breaks from Its bonds and chains
To perfect dayspring of delight
All then It was. dear Tom
wooed and won the fairest one
Heaven ere smiled upon,
And life was fairly then begun.
Lies but phantom, Tom,
! scarce did grasp when it did fade
And night did Intervene;
A mound OF earth, q grave new made
Dispe1led the joys Of life.
The treasures gone, the loved one dust,
God lends us jewels for a time,
Say you tbs wisel Can you distrust?
Our journeys end is near, Tom
Well cross the river at its flood.
Do you fear its current, Tom?
Are you not to pass where others stood?
Yes ! know your courage, boy,
You will not falter at the call,
Heaven is perfect rest
For you and 1, and loved ones all.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
THE AERIAL TORPEDO.


a New Engine OIL DHsfrnett6n invented ny 2
Kansas Physiciau.
For over year DR.. FL. w. Parsons,
of Wamego, Kan, has been at work
upon machine called an 4aerial tor
pedo," for which he has obtained pat
emit in this country. The War Depart
ment officials have written favorably OF
the new invention, and it has awakened
lively interest among war officials in
European Kingdoms.
Briefly described, the Aaerial tor
pedo' is cylinder containing numerous
barrels or recesses from which dyna-
mite cartridges are dropped, the cyl
inder being suspended from balloon
and the explosives released by simple
mechanism controlled by electricity.
The model, it is said, works to the entire
satisfaction of all who have seen it
tested.
While balloon that can be directed
or guided in its course may be used
against an ordinary atmosphere, and
steered and controlled by the operator,
who also discharges the bombs, yet DIR.
Parsons holds that he can accomplish
with captive balloon all that is needed
to display the extraordinary features oil
his invention. The location of the bal
loon could then be regulated by the
Keeling or unreeling of the cable which
holds it captive, just as boy changes
the position of his kite by winding OF
unwinding his kite-string. 1t is not the
inventors idea that this machine can be
aimed at man and kill him as with a
gun, nor that it will do away with cav
airy, artillery or infantry, but that an
other corps of, say, 300 men manning
100 machines, and drilled to handle
them, will accompany ever brigade, and
being supported by the infantry, cav
airy. and artillery will, when occasion
favors their use, do more effectual SER
vice than the whole brigade could pos
sibly do, so that the General in COM
mand would maneuver his troops in
such manner as to bring this corps
into action and allow them to do their
work, the infantry, artillery, and cav
airy thus forming but auxiliaries to this
band of 300. Now, watch their work.
It is estimated that each siege balloon
will contain from 200 to 1000 half
pound cartridges of explosive 60 per
cent. dynamite, arranged III Sucn mali
ner that they are under the control of
an operator, who is stationed on the
ground and can discharge one bomb at a
time. One hundred machines will give
this corps 10000 bombs at one charge,
after which they may be reeled back
and charged again every two hours OF
less, making six voyages in twelve hours
and carrying the enormous load of 120.-
900 cartridges, or throwing the aston
ishing amount of sixty tons of explosive
into fertilization in single day.
DR.. Parsons believes that by using
this apparatus modern military tactics
will be revolutionized, and that between
nations having such powerful resources
at command arbitration will speedily
usurp the place of war.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
The Holly Tree.

Although the holly is one of the most
beautiful of our evergreen plants, it is
comparatively rare that it is found do
mesticated and adjoining the lawns
either of our suburban villas or the
grounds of more extensive and remote
country places. Many forest COM
panions of the holly have been removed
from their parent soil and made to
flourish in all their original vigor and
beauty near the abodes of men; but it
has, for the most part, maintained its
wild estate of savage freedom, and in
general is only to be seen in its full
glory in the spots where it has been
planted by natures own hand. This
apparent neglect of a plant, which is
second to none of the evergreens in it's
ornamental character, is due to no
want Of aesthetic appreciation on the
part of arboricultuiists, but to the be-
lief which generally prevails, among
amateur gardeners at least, that the
holly will not bear transplanting, and
will languish and die when removed
from it's native soil. Many country
gentlemen and farmers have made the
attempt only to fail, and the failures
have been so frequent as to discourage
many others who would have been
happy to adorn their grounds with this
healthy, wholesome tree, which, with
its suggestions of the Christmas sea-
son of goodwill, seems, as it stands
amid the winter snow, with its red
berries and wealth of glistening green,
to be tonic and refreshment to the
physical vision, and to bear on every
bough genial, hearty message, full Of
good cheer and hope. Baltimore Sam.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
Science Against Grit.

Eminent experts In naval warfare
have come to the conclusion that in the
future the nation which puts most sci
ence into its ships and their ornaments,
and handles them the most scientifically,
will have an immense advantage IN sea
fights over less scientific rivals. 1t is
said that the French seem to be draw
ing ahead of other people in these mat
tiers, but the Americans and English are
still ready to trust largely to native grit
and fortitude for the triumph of their
respective countrymen on the sea and
all along shore.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
No Nights for Two Weeks.

slow are you, Colonel? Awful cold,
isn't it?" said little puny-looking man
to big, red-faced individual as they
met in the postoffice.
We'll, rather" said the man from
North Dakota, @but it's nothing COM
pared to what it was in the winter Of
40. Why, it was SO cold that winter
that we had no nights for two weeks
had to sleep days"
why, how did that happen?s
@Well, you see about noon one day
the earth froze to its axis and IS nat
ural consequence it couldn't revolve."
Awful"
Eyes, and they say folks in China
slept the whole two weeks. "Ba.talo
EgpTess.
If none but those without fault threw
skoraa nnI,f1v xxo11ld ba hit
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
WHEN Pundita Ramabai. the now

WHEN Pundita Ramabai, the now
well-known Hindoo woman, landed in
England she had Just 50. so in her parse.
She stayed In London three yeArssthdy-
ing English and teaching Sanscrit. In
1886 she came to the United States, oN5a
ing -, 900 for her own and her chi1ase
board She lectured lib times, and
made 50, $40, thus paying her debts.
She is now In Japan lecturing. At
Toxic, the largest hall in the city has
not been large enough to hold the
crowds that thronged to her. In japan
she speaks through an interpreter.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04

New YoRK does not know what To-.
call its new method Of execution Elec4
trocution. electrocision, and dynama
ton have been suggested. How would
thunderstruckHtion doc
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
An Historical Clock.

A most unique and valuable clock is
owned by DIR. J. Newton Walker, of
Philadelphia, Pa. 1t is production of
the Louis XVI. period, and was pur-
chased in France for 500 frs. by the
grandfather of the present owner. Its
most interesting feature is the super
structure of bronze, copper, and brass,
which contains an historical scene from
the last stage of the French Revolution,
during the Reign of Terror. The scene
is subterranean prison beautifully
worked in bronze and copper. A Cir
ondist of bronze has been imprisoned to
die by starvation. His feet are chained
to two huge stones represented in brass,
while on each of his wrists are attached
light chains fastened to several weights.
Seated near him is a bronze figure of q
beautiful girl, his daughter, who is al
lowed to see him once day during his
Imprisonment. Jea0elers' Weekly.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04

The language in which forged checks
and counterfeit money are uttered is
of peculiar grammatical construction
$50 much so that it cannot be passed.
Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04

If none but those without fault threw
stones nobody would be hit.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-07-05
Presentation.
By GEO. w. BROWN.

My dear young friends of the class Of
lSS9,.it becomes my pleasant duty. as
Director of the board entrusted with
the management of the agencies, by
means of which you have been enabled
to pass through and successfully COM
plete the course of study prescr iDed, by
the board for the pupils of the Alma
Union School and TO stand before us
now as candidates for the honorS to
which yonr diligence in study. your H.
deity to duty, and the faithful COM
pletion OF such course, entltle you, to
congratulate you upon your achieve
ments already attained. This is a tri-
umph of which you may justly feel
proud, but while you may very properly
indulge feeling of self congratulation
that your labors SO faithfully performed
have raised you to the high eminence
you now enjoy, let me beg of YOU not
to make the mistake SO common to
many of the graduates of our schools,
and colleges, to allow yourselves TO feel
that your labors are done, the goal is at
tanned, that there are no higher attain
ments for you to reach, and thus relax
your efforts, for further improvement,
allowing yourselves to retrograde, as
you surely will, and in consequence fail
TO derive the many practical advantages.
which liberal education is competent
to give. Instead of this, consider that,
with your present attaminents in the
branches of study already pursued,
with your familiarity, with the proper
methods of study, you are now just pre-
pared to enter the many rich fields of
literature lying so inyitingly open before
you, welcoming you to enter. and gath
or golden harvests of useful knowledge,
which will SO embellish, and enrich your
minds as to make you useful, helpful
and therefore honored members of
society, "a blessing to those with whom
you are associated an efficient aid to
the less favored ones with whom you
may come in contact; such precious
truths that shall so purify.and ennOble
your hearts that at the last Great
Examination Day. you will each re-
ceive from the Hands of the Great
Teacher" above diploma, of whic h
these you, now receive, are but feeble
representatives. You will now receive
these tokens of our approval and com
mendation Of your diligence. and fl
deity, your perseverance in completing
the cour Sc of study, which justly el.title
YOU to the proud distinction of grad
yates of the Alma Union school.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-07-05
"Surely, then il becomes us 10

surely, then il becomes us TO
So live, that when the summons comes TO
[join
The iunumerable caravan that moves
To the pale realms of shade, where each
ishall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go, not like the quarry slave at night
Scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and
[soot he'd
By an unfaltering trust approach thy grave
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant
dreams.
And now to the teachers and students
of the Alma Union School in their Ca
pacity as such, Twill say good bye, and
if in the course of human events III the
lifes work which lies before us we are
separated and see the familiar faces no
more, may we meet in that undis-
covered country from whose bourn no
traveller returns.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1889-07-05
TO BE, OR NOT TO BE.
BIT MISS NErrIE KREss.

To be. or not 10 be, that is the question,
Whether tbs nober in the mind TO suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous for
tune,
or to take arms against & sea OF troubles,
And by opposing end them To die; To
Isleep:
No more; and by sleep 70 say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural
[shocks
That flesh is heir to, It's contamination
Devoutly to be wished, to die; to sleep;
To sleep. perchance 10 dream: Az, there s
1.-THE rub.
For I'm that sleep Of death what dreams may
leone
When we have shufllcd OF this mortal coil,
Must give MS pause: There's the respect
That makes calamity OF So long life:
For who would bear the whips and scorns Of
thine
The opprossor's wrong the proud nuns
tcontumely
The pangs of d spscd love, the laws delay
'"rhe lnsolcnce of Office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes
When ne himself might his quictus make
with a bare bodkinl Who would fardcls
tbcar,
To grunt and sweat under weary life,
But that the dread OF something after
death.
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will.
And makes us rather bear those Ills we have
Than fly To- others that we know not OFF,
Was Hamlet mad when, this famous
fell from his lips. If so, there
was Method in his madness"