Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-09-06

NV I'i'iii' bNiN Nliptttt ht'll lluSlCtSs
Time is money. Some car conductors
pca; time.
The language OF n deaf mute is ~ thing
that goes withou. saying
What was il the buzz saw Saw teeth,
of course. -Ncw Tort .%,rs
When II man goa, 10 work he generally
takes of his coat, bu, il he is II painter h1
puts on one.
II may he difficult To- bald war-ships,
but it is not So hmrl Ia rcur-admirals.-
Nc'o iorh NcrS.
The tombstone is about The only thing
that can stand upright and lie ON its ince
ut the same time. - Yt91n H'"ie Express.
y Pullman porter is not necessarily
dishonest because he is III the habit Of
going through the alccpcrs. N"o lon
Nc,CS.
a tailor being asked If The close Of the
year made him sad said yes, until the
clothes Of the year are paid for 1cm
strings.
Dorothy, my love, | think you are
drcadfully cNtravngnnt To huy all those
things "lim, my dear Rufus" said
dearest, al had them charged"
81 love You we'll, the sin,np exclaimed,
"b"ar envelope 80 true;
In fact, it's evident {" nll
That am stuck on YOU"
Ncm ioh, Sun.
for lis aye, don't You lhimkl' Mrs.
Brown eyes, the poor darling was fed
on milk which was condensed that's
why the baby is $" too"
Clerk -"Nlr. Daybook, | would like
leave OF absence this afternoon 10 attend
the funeral of II cousin" Mr.. Dnybook
ncXt morning. hat was the score,
JohnY' -Nc'o ioh SIM.
a private Broadway detective agency
ndvcriiscs that il will do "pumping. A
private detective agency generally has tc
get II new "suckcr" every time it com
mcnccs to ptmp.-NeO York. Neios.
Tramp-"rhnnk yc, ma'am, for given
me the grub, hut kin never cnt without
II fork" Farmers Wifc-"Wcll, amblt
along, and you'll find ii fork in the road
II little further on. "-Nep York Tribune
A ST. Louis paper declares tlnL no man
who claims to be II gentleman, will ro
verse his cuffs. We are waiting patient
Iy to see how Chicago will get even 70,
this cruel thrust. minneapolis 1riJune
lcro is the reason Wngncrs scores
Are nhndca nuisancn whoppin'
Folks Handel IL as though IL wns
a woOd-pilc they were Chopin
Philadelphia Stage.
Mrs. Gabblc-"Whnt nm nwfully wor
ricd, anxious, dcspairing look Mrs. Good.
soul has" Mrs. Dabblc--"Ycs, guess
she's stopped doing he: own work nnd
gone TO Keeping ii girl. "-Nc'o Yori
Iyechiy.
OF the size of her hand you may judge by
her glove;
For there Is needed no art;
But yon never cnm judge tho depth of The
lovo
ora maid 10y the sglis of her heart.
"Wcll, sir, what ara your prospcctsi
My daughter can't marry II bcggar." ~
expect 10 come into IL large fortune, sir"
"lnhcrtcd from whom?" "lnhcriied
from crr-thnt is to say, from my
father in law Time.
az have met this man, 4" said II lawyer
the other day, ain great many place.
where | would be ashamed TO he seem
And for Il minute he couldn't understand
why everyday laughed so uproariously.
-Nrw Iorh 1ribnnc.
Nine Of this summers graduates nj
Agontz, the arislocratic Philadelphia
school were Chicago girls and the clasi
numbered only twcnty-onc. They all
spell ''pork" with IL "q-u-e" now
Winna4'oLis Tribmc.
Jcnny-"'IIcrc comes Jack, auntic. ]
wish you would come down and stay in
the room" Aunty Why" Jenny
Gin afraid he's going TO propose and
| can't trust myself he looks so poor
and so handsome. "-.Nuasey's JYceHy.
Johnson-"But can you speedily cir
culatc the rum0r in roundabout way
SO no one will know where it starts
iromI" Anderson" Yes, I've told it tc
! my wife us Il secret, and sine will attend
the sewing society meeting to-day. y
Om0ha IKorlU.
Merchant TO drummcr)- do
know that these goods are what you re-
prcscntN Drummcr-"Y0u have only
my word for it, but proudl) am from
Chicago, and Il Chicago man was never
known TO tell In lie" (Mcrchant dies. y
Ciothier and Fu,nishcr.
Stranger lin Chicago az don't see
how you can sleep nights when you know
that bloody Jake is roaming around
loose" Chicago Mnn-"Jakc don't do
anybody any harm now. He's been given
n nice position on the police forcc."-
Neio York Mail and Ezpress.