Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-10-24
No. 45
WHAT THE WITS SAY.
An Adequate Cause.

An Adequate Cause.
Ed have a pain in my ear.
Ned-Ah! Been talking to yourself
Exchange.
Calling a Spade a shovel.
Waiter-Wha,ll you have, sir?
Smith-Plate of warm hash.
Waiter shouting of Browning
a la Amelia Rives-Time.
Twelve Hours Start.
'Is the president of the bank in ?" asked
a depositor..
Yes, he is in $5O,OOO," answered the
teller. He skipped last night.-Epoch.
Shocking.
Priscilla-You mustn't do that again,
Sam.
Sam (who had Just taken kiss Whats
the harm, Pris? There's no one about
here.
Priscilla-But look at the wheat in the
field 1t is all standing there shocked.
His Usual Capacity.
Popipjay-I understand that Bigsby,
although not a member, was present at
your club bar quet the other night?
Bloodgood-Yes that's a fact
Popinjay-In what capacity, if l may
ask?
Bloodgood-Oh, his usual capacity
about nine quarts Burlington Free Press.
ADefect in PhysiOgnOmy.
Mrs. Primus-That far away look in Mr..
Brantleigh's eyes is very fascinating Mrs
Secundus and yet his face is disappointing
Mrs. Secundus-Yes, Mrs. Primus, his
nose and mouth appear too near at hard for
= L. l1o T. ,,~1 \, IT,
to wear strong glasses. Life.
In Fix.
[Glasgow Weekly Mail.l
Mrs. Muggins-It's a-rainipg and Mrs
Goodsoul wants to 90 home and have NO
umbrella 70 lend her except my new guinea
one. Can't let her have yours?
Mr.. Muggns-Hardly! The only um.
brella 1 have has her husbands name ON
the handle.
Too Late.
IClothier and Furnisherl
"No, George" she nuttered, as the mis-.
erable youth knelt in a passionate frenzy
at her feet, 81 can never be yours"
well, Clara" he answered bitterly, IS he
rose quickly, "you might at least have told
me SC before ard saved me from bagging
these trousers"
He Took 1t.
Life: Canvasser-I have here q work
Master of the House-I can't read.
Canvasser-But your children
Master of the House-I have no children
(triumphantly) Nothing but cat.
Csnvasser-Well, you want something
to throw at the cat. He took it.
The Truthful Boy.
Lawrence american: Mr. Goodcatch (cail-
ing on the eldest sist)-Why, Johnny, how
you are growing. You'll be a man before
your sister if you keep on.
Johnny-You bet | will. Sister'll never
be a man if she keeps on being twenty like
she has for the last five years.
Then there was trouble in the house
hold.
Both Tanned.
TeIre Haute Express: MY ~ exclaimed
Mrs. Flsgg, Il look like perfect fright.
never had any idea would get tanned so
much in the course of a short week"
'Me, too, ms," said Tommy, who bad
stayed at home to help his father keep
house while his mother was enjoying her
vacation.
A COntented Child.
New York Weekly.l
Fond mother-How do you like your
new governess, Johnny?
Johnny-Ob, l like her ever so much.
I'm so glad NY little boy has a nice
teacher at last"
COB, she's awful nice. She says she
don't care whether 1 learn anything or not
60 long as pop pays her salary"
Peculiar Absentmindedness.
Teras Sifhngs: "Police Police! Here
is pick pocket!" exclaimed gentleman in
a crowd, seizipg man by the arm.
"Tm no pickpocketw w retorted the sus-
pected party.
"Wbat are you doing with your hands in
my pants pocket, then?"
81 am so absentminded 1 thought 1 was
putting my hand in my own pocket. I've
got pair of pants at home made just like
those"
They Didn't Want Hin.
Richmond Herald: A church committee
went to hear pastor with view to call.
They were delighted with the sermon, and
resolved to assure him of call if he would
promise to give it a favorable consideration,
and went directly to him and told him the
object of their visit. The preacher replied:
will your people give up attending
theatres holding progressive euchre par
ties, etc?
The committee replied: "No, they will
not"
"Then." replied the preacher, you don't
want the goods have to SELL"
The Midnight Kind.
Time: Mrs Grubbs-Mornin', Mr.. jerks.
/ want gallon of oil.
Mr.. jerks (the grocerer)-Yes'm; white
oil. suppose as usual?
INC; guess I'll hev some midnight oil
eff you've got emmy. My boys home from
college, and he said he'd have to burn
some"
Providence Cares For us.
Detroit Free Press: A Texas man who
was innocent of crime was sent to prison
for twelve years. He thought himself for
ssken by Providence, but as the officials
did not oblige him to cut his hair, he came
out with it hanging down to his knees, and
q dime museum man gives him $40 Per
week for year How little we know
what is for our own good.
Saved Life.
Thine
Solomon Isaackson-Haf you heard the
news. Sbacob, dot haf safed dose lifes of
Rheuben Cohen dhis morning alretty?
"Neip, meine frendt. how was dot?"
HE fell off de dock und couldn't