Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1889-01-17
SAM JONES I'M CHICAGO.
He Gives the Western Metropolis a SlisR
Ing lip.

III
Ing Up.
Sam Jones has put Chicago by the ears
with a sermon he preached there last week
at Battery !, TO 1900 people, who paid 30
cents apiece TO hear him spout. He an
nounced the subject of his lecture as Get
there, with the Eli left off, Of course, be-
cause, as you all know / am constitution
ally opposed 10 using slang The thread
of the lecture upon which the many slang
expressions, funny Illustrations and occas
ional pathetic incidents were strung 10.
gether, was simply paraphrasing or the
idea that true success in life is only to DO
attained through earnest, honest and con-
scientious endeavor. Some OF the charact-
eristic slangy illustrations and expressions
which were used are these:
THE dude and the dudeen are the high
est type OF molern society. The Almighty
never dreamed Of dude when he created
| Adam, and the whole business has got the
start of the plan of creation. A dude is a
little pimple on the body of society, indicat-
| ing that its blood is out OF order. Did you
never wake up in the morning with little
white pimpte on your facet Well, that
pimple is dude, and when You squeeze 1t
! it is dudeen.n
| "Hell itself is only selGshness on fire."
There's such thing as getting there
| politica ly, but it doesn't amount TO much.
! I've been down in Kentucky and Tennessee
good deal lately, and they are all in
mourning down there. l amt shouting
much myself. My man got badly left. But
were getting over it, and are looking for
ward 10 four years OF prosperity under
| Gen. Harrison. If we can't get pudding,
we IL take pie, and try 10 make out we like
| 1t best. I'd rather be preacher OF the Cos
pei than be president. The Job lasts longer
| "There are some real men in the world,
but there are a'so lot of these little fell
lers. A fly can sit on the nose Of one OF
them and paw in one eye and kick in thu
| other. You can put 100 of such little fel
lows in a sardine-box, put a one cent stamp
on it and send them anywhere by mail
'You hear some of these old Christians
singing %, TO be Nothing Yes, old man
! Nothing going nowhere and old woman
Nothing going with him. What do you
want TO be nothing forl How can Goo
crown nothing, and how can nothing play
on harp
"Never were there so many people sim
ply trying 70 have a good time, 10 en- .oJ
| hog-heaVeu-plCnty to eat and nothing L
DO. The highest ambition of nine out of /
girls is to dance. There is some good il
eating, but my my my! what good Il
there in cutting apgeon wing with the arm
OF dude around you!"
II don believe we came from tadpole'
and monkeys, but l do think many OF VI
are headed that way now"
"NOu can never put gambling out of Chi
caEO until you put progre sivc ouchre on
of your par,ors. You never play euchr'
without playing for something, and whel
you got up from the table, whether yol
win or lose, YOU are as much Of black-lel
Gam bier in the sight of God as Is any FAR
or poker player in Chicago"
81 never did have but one objection to
saloonkCspcr and that's the same one lv'
got against house, and that's because o
the way he gets his living off the heads o
families"
~ think a barkeeper will feel very com
Portable in hell with a lot of YOU Metho
dists and Baptists all about him."
81 admire Chicago because it's alive
but you've got enough hell in this town t
start braDch office OF damnation, ant
you've got I-@aty of men ready and fit u
take the place Of the devil in running II
and good locations for the Office on nearl.
every corner"
'If an angel should come down iron
heaven and announce that not anc' he
man would die in Chicago for 100 years
and you believed it, not preacher in tow
, could get salary above 50 year"
''The meanest people are in the church
T They pack their pastor in an ice box for
I year, and then grumble because he don
sweat
"Ihe more dignity man gets the neare
) death he is. A dead man is the most dig
} nifed animal | know Of"
1.-THE p,ople complain of being priest
ridden, but, excepting in Illinois, of course
there's not preacher who can't be ridden
But here's one that don't ride. They com
up and put their foot in the stirrup, ant
the first thing they know, when the dus
. has blown away, III he standing at tn,
: trough eating with one of my hind legs
2 and they won't know what's happened I
. them There's not church In the countr
, that would have me for its pastor, and nc
one I'd have for my sheep"
2 ~ like physical courage. Do as tn
5 Quaker did, turn both cheeks 10 be slapped
and when you got the bible on n man pitcl
in and whip him till his wife don't knoN
him"
WHOM God hath ,o.ped together let N
man put asunder. ana whom the devil hat
Joined together let them come TO Chica
go. More people can get unioined quick
; er in Chicago than in any place l eve
heard off,
,, Don't stop making love 10 Your wifi
, when you have married her. Put you
, arms around her once in n while and te
/, her: You dear old thing, you are tn
, Some OF you Will have to tell a lie to say it
but tell the lie once in n while and you
home will be the happier"
"Ive talked an hour and 90 minutes now
and admission to the street is free if any O
you want TO 60"
"They say Sam Jones is only after
money. Well, what are you after, oil
coonl II you II show me a man in Chicag
who is not after money I'll eat him raw
without bite of bread. and he'll be glaC
he's ate up because he will be so lone
some"
---a----.
L IL