The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-01-03
HOW WIVES ARE TO BLAMEp
FILA WHEELER WILCOX DIsCoURsEs
ON WOMEN AS WIVES.

HOW WIVES ARE TO BLAME?
FILA WHEELER WILCOX DISCOURsEs
ON WOMEN AS WIVES.
Does Marriage Lessen Mans Respect
for Woman fare Happy Marriage,
Scarce Men who Lead Double
Lives Word TO Young Brides
Treatment of Husbands.
The query prOpounded in this paper
may seem like heresy, and shock my
readers at first. But am compelled tC
ask the question, by my observations OF
and conversations with married men
and women.
Every body Is used to hearing the ex.
preston "Really happy marriages are
lew and far between" Nobody thinks
of denying the fact. l heard lady OF
she could number on the fingers of one
hand all the truly mated husbands and
wives she knew, and find that mar
ried couple of even a few years stand
ing, who manifest pleasure in and a
preference for each others society, are
everywhere such objects of surprise and
comment that it indicates their rarity.
Divorces are vulgarly common, and iests
upon the infelicily of the married state
are passing into proverbs.
Name over to yourself your ten most
intimate friends people whose home
and heart life you know. Ask yourself
candidly how many of those ten hus-
bands would not gladly go back to their
bachelor freedom were it possible to do
so.
In spite of the hue and cry raised
against DR.. Dix's sermon on society last
winter, he told the truth when he said
our cities and towns land he might have
aided the country places are full of
men who lead double lives.
Men walk to the communion table and
partake of the sacrament beside their
legal but unloved wives, and few hours
later they revel in the lawless affection
which some other woman gives them 10
stolen secrecy. Often they do not even
strive to hide their immoralities from
the world, or from their wives.
Now, so long as we all know that this
unfortunate state of 6tfairs exist above
us, let us discuss the causes.
1t cannot be possible that all these
men stand at the marriage altar will
the deliberate intention Of becoming bad
or unhappy husbsn nds. They must antic-
ipate happiness in the new life, and let
us try aud discover through what paths
it eludes them.
In the first place, it is my constantly
increasing conviction that, after the
marriage vows are taken twc-thrds OF
the power necessary to the creation OF
an enduriDgly happy home lies with the
wife. 1t therefore follows that two
thirds of the fault is hers where the
home becomes failure.
| know this statement will anger and
antagoniz' my own sex 10 an alarming
extent. but il is my honest belief and
must be expressed. beg my sister wo
men to read this article to the end be.
fore they condemn me.
would classify the failure Of wives
in their duty as follows
First-Those who lack liberality OF
mind, Second Those who complain
ana find fault. Third-Those who a'e
selfishly wasleful and extravagant
Fourth-Those who are petty tyranIs
and "naggers." Fifth--Those who lack
tact.
Now, il wife has loTe. patience good
temper, b. auty and accomplishments
yet any one OF those FIVE faults above
mentioned may serve to ruin her home
and make her husband wish he were
single again" A wIfe's love should be
as liberal as the love of God. She should
study the daily habits of her lover before
she marrIes him, and then she should
allow his life TO run as nearly as possible
in those cd channels of pleasure with
out trespassing upon the honor or purity
of the new relation. If you marry a
man who has had life filed with frt
ations, clubs, cards and races, do not de
mand of him the sacrifice Of anything
but his flirtations. That you have the
right to demard, but leave him his clubs
and races, with no more restriction than
he felt before marriage. Add to those
pleasures which he has 20 long enjoyed
the happiness of perfectly ordered
home and the sweetest and most loving
welcome when he returns to you that il
is possible for a man to receive. No
matter If you are obliged to pass good
many hours cultivating this lberality il
will repay you ere long. Eight men out
Of ten will appreciate this spirit of gen.
erosity, and will, in return. plan for the
comfort and pleasure Of the wife.
l know woman who always slts up
until her husbands return at night when
he goes 10 the club. He is fond of q
SIX llful game Of cards, and he has never
been know to return home intoxicated.
There is nothing for her to fear or con-
denim IN his occasional visits to The club,
but she destroys all his pleasure by
waiting up" for him, and il he STAYS
late he finds her with a silent but accus.
ing face at the door, and in the morning
she complains of headache and looks
at him with the eyes of a martyr. She
has de, troyed his enj yment in his old
p easure and given hIm no attractive
side OF herself at home to lead him TO
abandon IT, HIS lr ends laugh over his
neI YOU res'l1ss manner at the club and
make light Jests about the cause, and
is set down by the male sex.
1t is foolish To expect a husband, who
has en- lie access TO his wife's society, to
make the same sacrifices to be with her
Tor an evening that the lover makes, who
is only admitted to the loved ones pres-
ence for an hour II is no indication of
any ,sspning of love II he sometimes
goes ut and leaves her at home. A
jewel may b. very precious TO us, even
If we do not always wish to wear il in
sight and g re upon its b.illilncy.
Some women seem TO marry with the |
idea that wife" means "Interferer."
They s, themselves to work at once TO |
reyolu ,nz, the mans whole Ii q, and |
demand at entions which, il they exer
,ised little gentle-patieucP, would be
gladly < ven. have seen wives who
a'd plans for almost every hour Of their
husbands leisure time. Now. no man
likes this. Il is natural for them to be
he planners and directors, and the wife
who in all ways strives to cater 10 her
husbands tastes and comfort will find
llm planning for her happiness ere long.
Nothing touches man of any feeling
quicker than to see that his wife yields
Ter wishes to his and gives up with
eady sweetness IN small matters. Pay
I tlention to any wish of his, no matter
ow trivial and foolish it may seem to
on, and respond to his requests cheer
llly. not sullenly, and in little while
-. aka1l Hud kf.,. tho moi |