The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1889-07-20
HUMOROUS DRIFTW0OD
The harp OF Erin-Home rule.

The harp of Erin-Home rule.
/ The wheels Of a watch go round in
cog.
Burglars often make successful haul
from the sheer force of their enterprises
Teacher-What Is the most useful
paper Tommy Whose pa is an EDITOR
Printers zinc.
The first impulse of boy with new
watch is to assure himself that It's parts
are missing.
Edgar-Miss Freeleigh doesn't wear
corsets. Arthur-How do you know ?
gar--Because she laughs instead of
giggling.
It is not putting things in the right
place that bothers man so much as
finding the right place after he has put
things in it.
How do you do, little boy 2" Got a
cold in my head" 80, I guess not.
''What makes you think SO, little boy :?
''Cause my eyes leak aud my nose don't
go.''
A German scientist asserts that Patti
has two extra valves in her windpipe.
She may be considered, therefore, kind
of extra bivalve, veritable oyster patti.
"Why do you pour that vile liquor
down your throat - asked the philan-
trophist of the topper. II am seeking
for-get-full-ness," said the topper TO the
philantrophist.
Art Patron--Miss Holland is out, eli
Are her paintings expensive Attend
ant-Yes, indeed, ma am. The paint
OLE that six by eight picture over there
cost S. pound
agent for jewelrY house-I've got
fine lot OF diamonds I'd like to show
you. Man Addressed-You' We made I.
mistake, sir. [ am the proprietor of
this hotel, not the clerk.
"The dinner last evening was wretched,
Katie, 1 was positively ashamed Of it -
"Yes'm, the policeman on his beat, who
never complained before. said the same
thing"
1t is hard on young man to spend
three months deciding which of two
girls he will choose for his wife, and
then TO tind out when be proposes that
neither one of them will have him.
Zone word, sir - ssAll right, what
is it? I'm poor starving tramp"
"Well? ?" "Would you give me Is cents
for my dinner % "Certainly. Where
is it? TIL buy it of you. Chicago
Ledger.
"Why is 1t Jones, that boys are wilder
than girls ?" asked Smith, II guess"
answered Jones, as he gazed after a
wasp-waisted girl who passed down the
street, ut is because girls are more
stayed -
Highwayman-Hold up your hands !!
Pedestrain-MY dear sir, + have just
returned from Oklahoma. 1.-THE deuce
you have! Well, you can get good
free lunch on the next block. Good
evening.
Mike Gin City Hall park, looking at
tree place marked "Triacanthus Gled-
itschia' )-say, Bill, what's tn manin
o. that? Bill-Mike, yer edication's
BIN sadly neglected. That's Latin for
Keep of the Grass
''Who is that inane looking dude over
there? ''Inane? How can you say SO
Why, he's the bravest man in New York.
He actually had the courage the other
day to leave the resta urant without
tipping the waiter
Husband-Wif2, wish You had been
born with as good Judgment as J., but I
fear you were not W1fe-You are right.
Our choice of partners for Life convinces
me that your judgment is much better
than mine.
ct say, White, said Black, II thought
you told me that Brown had quit drink
ing ?'' Black, savagely-I told you
nothing of the kind. What I said was
that he had quit buying drinks diff
ferent thing, indeed,''
My wife is fond of furbelows
And edgings rich and rare,
And rnfles on her plainest clothes
1t pleases her to wear.
Her very wrappers rufaed are,
But even that won't do
She carries out the thing so far
Her temper's ruffied too.