The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1889-10-24
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some of the Joys and Sorrows of an
terprising Western Editor.

Some of the Joys and Sorrows of En-
terprising Western Editor.
We extract the following from the
last issue of the Arizona Kicker:
MANY THANKS. On Tuesday last we
were seized with an attack of Apache
collie, and within ten minutes from the
time the grip first took hold we were tied
in seven kinds of hard knots and wanted
mule team to hold us. 1t should be
explained that this collie is next door
to Asiatic cholera, and when it takes
hold it means business at wholesale
rates. We were seriously ill for two
days and nights, during hich time we
had scores of callers and our friends
were anxious to extend every aid.
During the ten hours in which it was
thought we must turn up our toes busi-
ness was mostly suspended in town,
and our condition was bulletined every
fifteen minutes. Our warmest thanks
are due to our friends and acquaint-
ances and the public generally. We
are now about well again and shall be
more careful in future. This town
can't afford to lose us just now, and
we realize more than ever that our
death would be a serious setback TO
the entire State.
CORRECTION. = Some three weeks
since the Kicker made the statement
that Charley johnson, proprietor of
the Iron Roof whisky hole on Apache
avenue. was driven out of Tucson for
his general bad character, and we
threw out suggestion that our vigil
ance committee might hit the nail on
the head by attending to his case. Mr..
Johuson has called at the Kicker
Office and shown us letters which
satisfy us that we made a mistake.
Instead of being a bad man, he is a
very humble and contrite individual,
perfectly willing to be kicked and
cuffed about, and he left Tucson be-
cause the people objected to his breath,
which is not exactly identical with
new-mown hay. His breath is all
right here, and he proposes to take
right hold and become one of us and
aid in the work of making this town q
second Chicago.
We DEFY THEM. the last session
of the Common Council Aid. Jim jack
son got his bow legs under him and
stood up to remark that he was in
favor of taking the city printing away
from the Kicker because of our abuse
of that official body. The city printing!
Ye gods! All our bill amounts to for
the last quarter is seventy cents! Yes,
we have talked pretty plain to the
aldermen. There isn't an honest one
in the whole gang. There isn't man
Of them who isn't soaked in whisky
two-thirds of the time, and who
wouldn't lie. cheat, STEAL rob or en-
bezzle on the slightest provocation.
As a gang, they ought to be sent to
State prison on general principles, and
the sooner the better. IF the council
imagines that the Kicker will keep
still on them for fifteen cents week it
is making a great mistake.
Nor YET.-We are not yet author
lied to write ''P. NJ" after our name.
but we are working hard and will have
the postmastership of this office or
lose leg. The present incumbent is
a bloke of the first water and has got
to let go. We have written Mr.. Wan
amaker several confidential letters and
have forwarded him several communi-
cations rejecting public opinion, and
although he seems inclined to hang of
on us, it is only question of time
when he must give in. We know that
we are the only man in town fitted to
be postmaster, and it will either come
to us or Mr.. Wanamaker will not last
six months.
ALWAYS AT HoAIE.-Coroner Tom
Blackman, when summoned to hold an
inquest on the dead body of Red
headed Perkins, the gambler who
committed suicide two weeks ago, was
so befuddled with poor whisky that he
acted like fool. We had to step in
and do the business for him, and be-
cause the Kicker gave him some good
advice in its next issue he is now blow
ing around that he has camped on our
trail and mems to have our life. Rats!
If Tom Blackman wants our scalp let
him come for it. We are always at
home the whole twenty-four hours
through, and we believe that we can
take good care of ourself. He can
come with shotgun or tomahawk-day
or night-alone or in company. We
shall do our best to drop him before he
does us, and in case we are asked to
hold the inquest on him it shan't cost
the county a cent. Wen do even bet4
ter-we'll give him as fine an obituary
notice as would cost him $100 in Chi
cago.-Detrt Free Press.
A Stroke of Genius.
"What did you sayPn said LarK1e to