Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-10-23


in cold weather. 1t always requires
the colon.-Boston Gazette.
A great many girls are bound tc
show their feet at picnic, even il
they have to swing for it.-Boston
Gazette.
AS many boarders will testify, it is
frequently the case that boarding
house keeper is more religious than
pie us.-Ex.
Smokeless powder is all right, but
the ends of science will not be achiev-
ed until some one produces smoke
less cigarette.-Ex.
Boys who hear of the new proces;
of tanning hides by electricity expect
to see lines of wire running towards
the school houses. es.--Cincinnati Com
mercial.
Smith-The City of Paris, l hear
consumes more coal than any other
ship.
Jones-That's mistake.
Smith-What ship beats it, then ?
Jones-Courtship.-Ex.
Dashaway Cat the table, sarcastical
ly)-I think that Brown-Sequard's
elixir might be applied with great eff.
feet to this chicken.
Mrs. Slimdiet (the landlady)-Yes
and it might be applied to your ac-
count.-Ex.
"What are you doing now, Gus ??
asked one young man about town tc
another.
"Oh, write for living"
"On the daily press ?"
"No; l write to father about twice
month for a remittance.-Merchant
Traveller.
Mrs. Observation-Disclosures, there
was a tramp here this afternoon, and
he looked so hungry that gave him q
large piece of gooseberry pie.
wonder how he feels now?
Blotterwick (gloomily)--I know
how he feels. l had piece of that
pie for dinner, you remember.-Ex.
Proud mother-Do you know, dear
l believe our baby will be singer
perhaps a great tenor like B,ignoli OF
Campanini =?
Tired father-He strikes high
mighty often, if that's what you
mean.
Yes, the tones are so sweet and
shr;ll. hope we will be able to have
his voice cultivated in Europe.
BY Jove good idea. Send hin
now.-Ex.
A judge, whose constitution is as
sound as bell, called on his doctor
the other day.
"You here !" the doctor exclaimed
in surprise "what miracle is this?"
81 am beginning to feel rather anx
ious about my health"
pray where do you sufier-in the
head, the stomach or the heart ?"
"Oh, no There I'm all right; but
occasionally | suffer from sleeplessnes'
on the bench. ."-Ex.
Thar goes the meanest man in
Chinook !" growled one of the ole
mossbacks of the Gunnison valley, a:
he pointed to man on the opposite
side of the street.
"How so ?"
"When he first came we had IA fight
1t was to be fair fight and no knit
ing. | got him down and got tn,
gouge on his right eye, and what d'y,
s'pose happened ?"
HE cried quits"
mo, he didn't. Durn his shadder
but he had glass eye thar, and
kept fooling with it until he had me
licked !"-Ex.
The water was smooth as II mil
pond, and Fogg was enjoying his sal
to the full. "What land is that over
there ?" he asked of the captain.
That's Cape Cod"
"Well, do you know" said Fogl
languidly, like one who is too comfort
BILE to speak, 81 wouldn't give a dol
lar for hundred acres of it,"
Later in the day, on the return TRIP
the sea had become boisterous, and
Fogg looked particularly white about
the gills. Presently land. hove in
sight.
Captain" he asked in lugubriou'
tones, what land is that ?"
Cape Cod"
Captain" said Fogg, "I'd give a
hundred dollars for piece of it big