The Arkansaw traveler., 1889-11-09

 cut Mir. President7"
 "No," replied Harrison, "its too much like look ing into an undertaker's window"
 "Yes, Mr. President, verily these are perilous times As the editor of the Ben Harrison V1ldicatOr am kept SO busy viewing with alarm the mis- takes of this administration that l don't get time to do any pointing with pride"
 "I base considerable hope on the moderate non- partisan element of our party" "Don't rely on them, Mir. President The mug wump is the camel in the Republican tent" "Why do you compare the mugwump to drome- dary?"
 "Because of his propensity to get his back up and knock out our majorities, which are something like quiet mind, more easily lost than gained" "Well, what are we going to do5"
 "I have scheme by which you can gain your lost popularity"
 "What is it?" very sflabe to visitors. For instance, when the New York base ball team called, you snubbed them When the next presidential game is played you will go out on first"
 "It's too late now" Harrison sighed "Again, when a delegation of the Reconstructed Order of Improved Red Mufls called, you didn't offer to shake hands with them. There are 500 900 Red Mufrs who will vote the Democratic ticket next time."
 "I have no patience with all this secret num- mery.'
 "When Jones, of Milwaukee, c. C. and Nj. F.. c. F. l. T., of Most Puissant and Mysterious Peruvian Bark Peeers paid his respects you never said beer once"
 "Who was he2"
 "Great Scott Don't you know that although he is a little hammered down and sawed of shoe maker, he is also grand cyclops and most exalted curtain fxer of the Inner Tempe2 His influence is unbounded in the order. That's where you lost half million votes by not setting 'em up" "Anything else2"
 "When the Odd Fellows wanted you to lay corner stone, you wrote to the most worshipful past grand brass rod handler that you had some thing else to do Another million votes lost there" "Coonel Snort, do you expect me to join all these Ku- Klux Klans?"
 ''lt would be good idea, Harrison, for you need it in your business"
 "Well, I'll resign first This administration is not going to be run on pass words and grips" "Once more, MT. Harrison, say you need it in your business"
 of you were married man, Snort, you wouldn't risk being 'out to the lodge fifteen nights in the week. Your wife wouldn't let you have anything to do with this secret order monkey business" "But you can at least treat them civilly when they call"
 "I suppose could manage to strain point, now the Democrats electing their candidates all over the country, otherwise 1 would them-else- where"
 "All right, MT. President, we will begin at once Next week there will be twenty thousand Knight Templars in Washington, and you must show them some little courtesy"
 "There are good many of them in Indianapolis 1 suppose Pll have to-" said Harrison "President Harrison, 1 am one myself. l, too, need it in my business. l am Sir Bill Snort, past grand commander" etc., etc.
 "The deuce you say Well, Sir William, as matter of accommodation to you, Pll receive them and shake hands with as many as I can. How do they vote, snyhow2"
 "Most of them are Democrats, but we will change all that"
 This will explain, Johnny, why the White House al in nd Axuith Harrison stood in the blue parlor, while Sir Bill Snort in his uniform made the introductons to the president. Your friend,
 SIR BILL SNORT, A. B. c. D. E., etc.
 -TerGs Sittings