The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-13


From the Chicago Herald.
,..n1soN WIS. Feb. S-Wisconsin's
LoT,aIv executive enjoys a wide reputation
simmer of yarns, and none does he tell
i+h = keener relish han these at his own
ovnense. Gov. Hoard possesses IN high
deg ee the indescrlba6le ''knack" OF telllng
stories. He Q fine dialectlclan, and there
los the chief secret OF lis success. His
~ and homely face, too, adds tremen-
5anslv to the effect of his Stories In many
ucoerds he bears almost striking reese n
Nance to an illustriouS Amerlcan-a cir
cnmstance which has given him the title
- +he sIincoln of Wisconsin" His body
VI ,ong and lank: his face is distresSingly
lin. his arms are elongated; here Is al
Pa11s a sad, reflective expreSsi N to the
oonntenance, and, above all, there Is a con-
stont croppi e out of humorous yarns. In
rinted form his stories are liable TO fall
sat for lack of the indispensable environ
11ants which Hoards personality can alone
cast about them.
Mr. Hoard, while yet plain talker of
ogricultural topics at the farmers Institutes
Which his e. ergy has done so much to ele-
vata TO their present unexcelled standing,
was wont 10 quiet disagreeable wrangllngs
or exoose the unfortunate characteristics OF
tbe farmers by relating some apropos
story. Hoard was present at an institute
when the agricultural brethren fell to dis
uniting in an unseemly manner, and all be-
cause Of a misunderstanding. Mr.. Hoard
remarked that he was reminded OF
stnrv.n He said that the officers of a GER
tsin college had decided to engage some
proficient person TO give instruction IN the
mysteries of signs. A learned Chinaman
was at last selected as the man for the place,
and on his arrival it was arranged to give
him suitable reception. But embarrass-
ment at once occurred over the selection of
suitabls representative of the college to
first meet and greet the new profes or.
Thare was a shrewd old Scotch janit3r at
the institution, and by happy thought he
was hit upon as one who was as we'll quail
fed to meet the newcomer as any one.
When the suspicious moment for the meet
ING came, the child of the Orent ap-
preached the Scotchman and made low
salaam, to which the latter responded even
more humbly. Then the Chinaman took
an orange from his pocket, and, silent as
sphinx, thrust it out before him with an
exultspt expression on his countenauce.
The Scotchman looked bewildered for a
moment, but happy idea suddenly seized
him, and with much vigor he pulled piece
of bread from his pocket and extended 1t
toward his strange visitor. Then the lat
ter held upone finger to which two fingers
were held up in response. This was fol-
lowed by three fingers on the part of the
Chinaman. The ScOtchman then clinched
his fist and thrust it into the new professors
face. Afterward the Chinaman was asked
TO explain what was the purport of his sign
vesation with the Scotchman.
MY bow to him." was the reply, Twas
an indication of respect. His deeper bow
Indicated even greater respect for me. My
exhibition of an orange was to show WhaC
coul0 be produced in the Chinese Empire,
and bis display of bread indicated that in
America wheat was leading product. When
| held up one finger that represented the
tod no ma
Of my friend showed there was Father and
a Son, while my three fingers represented the
Father Son. and the Holy Ghost. The
clinched hand indicated the three in one"
Then the Scotchman was asked for his
explanation of the silent interview. Sandy
thought the Chinaman's low bow as in
tended to convey the idea that he the Scot
was too old to stoop so far, which notion he
pretended to dispel by q deeper obeisance.
The production of an orange was offset by
the piece of bread, which in the janitor's
ewes was of much more value than the
fruit. TIE CelestiaPs holding up of one
finger was particularly offensive to the
CALIFORNIAN, who had only one natural eve,
glass optic doing duty for the other He
accordingly held up two, thereby meaning
he could see as much with his single eye as
the Chinaman could with two. When the
latter displayed three fingers the Scot, tired
of what he regarded RS foolerY, clinched his
The governor tells another story, which,
as related by him, is intensely funny, of
yankee who had speedy team, which he
claimed had never been passed but once.
One day the yankee overlook funeral
procession, which had been brought to
halt by the giving out of one of the horses
which drew the hearse. Tho yankee volun-
teered the uss of his horses to take the place
of the other team, ard in few moments he
found himself on the hearse driving slowly
his speedy animals. just at this iuncture
rival whom he had frequently vaaquished
on the race track came speeding by, evil
IDENTIFY highly exultant at once getting his
old adversary at a disadvantage Human
nature asserted itself in the yankee, how
ever, and he lot his horses out Then an
exciting race was begun, which only ceased
Oh tue part of the yankee when he was over
taken by man who rode up at a furious
rate on horseback and told him that there
was funeIa al procession half mile back
which was willing to put in little time in
lngubrious way If it only had corpse to
head It" This was the only time the yam
kee was free to confess that he had ever
been passed on the road.
On another occasion this dialogue o.
Cured:
Mr.. Hoard-Iwould like to ask Mr.. Lewis
Woat agencies shall we employ t. get at
the agricultural mind to work upon it, to
STR it up, and thereby promote this very
desirable dairy education among fa"mersl
Mr.. Favill-I just want to put the an
sWer IN your mouth for that. 1t will be to
take Hodrd'S DGirymGB newspaper
MIR. Hoard-Mr. President, Mr.. Favill
will hand over a dollar, for he is not a sub
scriber
Mr. Hoard constantly taught Wisconsin
olarymen to color their butter suitably to
secure good sale on the market. cat
sparta" said be, 'the landlord put some
outer on the table that was as white as
Iard, and when / asked him about it he
SAID; All you don't catch me having
Soiored butter on my table didn't ask
MN why his wife colored her stockings"
was the future governors significant com
One OF the governors good stories is that
vi the old Dutchman who married two
uays after the burial of his first wife, A
cnarlVari was in order, and after the dem
1nStraton had continued for some time the
tD1tcnman appeared at the door and said
Dont you know there vas one funeral in
uoS house only dwo days agoi OF you hef
NO NO respect for me you should for the dead"
MT. Hoard thought thisa case of monu-
mental gall
l was standing in hall in Independence,
aoWa' remarked tue Governor on another
OCCASION: ut was pretty cold. The stove
was red hot, and man came in who had
one snort leg. He walked up to the stove
ahu Dent over out of shana and tried to