Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-07-29
Easy to catch-a cold.

very ''wicket" game-cricket.
Go when they are told-jockeys
Given to head work-Billy goats.
Bound to beat-the bass drum player.
A religious duty-collecting pew rents
The elevated head-gear-the high hat
French journalism is being elevated.
| One of the Paris papers is now printed in
the Eifel tower.
! 1t is one of the distressing anomalies
| of modern life that the man who can't
sing does sing.
| Mr.. II. b. Aldrich is now on the Allan
tic-not the magazine, but the ocean. He
believes in change for variety.
If church be on fire, why has the or
gan the smallest chance of escape? Be-
cause the engine can not play on it.
A man never appreciates his wife until
twice. nm 4
| he has tried TO get his own supper.
Just in proportion as a man loses his
natural spirits does he become subject to
the temptation to import the artificial va
riety.
Norah-An' has your mistress good
taste? Bridget-Good taste, is it? Faith,
her dresses look better on me than do me
own.
What is the difference between the reg
ular and irregular Greek verbs? Tommy
You get twice as many lickings learning
the irregular ones.
A German citizen of Brooklyn plays on
the cornet, French horn, flute, plccolo,
drum, cymbals and violin. One of these
days he will be missed, like Cronin.
One fifth of the population of London
consists of dead beats and dudes. There
is plenty of margin yet for the cities of
this country to be English, you know.
II wish L could sell as 1 write" re-
marked certain author to a lady.
''There are those" replied his companion
sweetly, ''who say you can't write all you
SELL"
There are nice, little, pretty, green
GASES all through the desert of life, but
the fat man who breaks a suspender when
running to catch train don't think of
this.
A South Carolina man, who was track
ed by bloodhound, sprinkled two pounds
of snuff on his track. 1t saved his trou-
sers and cured the dog of over-inquisit
iveness.
Mrs. Yeast-What kind of a hand does
your husband write? Mrs. Bacon-Well,
when he is making out the check for my
weekly allowance, he writes very cramp-
ed hand.
He (who in attempting to get some
pond lilies has fallen in)-Don't 1 look
the very essence of woe, Miss Brown?
She-Oh, no, Mr.. Jones, you look more
like Ponds Extract.
Cook (neZt day after her ARRIVAL 81
am often a little hasty madam, and then
am apt to be saucy; but you needn't
mind. You can make me little present,
and get pleasant again"
Pat Tin gaping wonder at the letters on
Hebrew butchers sign) Here, Mike,
tbs yerself has the foine larnin'. Can yez
rade that now? Mike-I can not; but, if
l had me flute here behave l cud play it.
ssWhat is that green stuff in the cream,
William" asked young wife, referring
to the pistachio in the center of the form.
ooh, that's an oasis,my dear" "a what?"
'An oasis-a little green spot in the des-
sert, you know
First robber-I've found the dress the
lady of the house does her shopping in.
/ suppose her purse is in the pocket. 90
robber-Then we'll have to take the dress
with us. We can hunt for the pocket
when we have whole day to spare.
"Will these goods wash?" asked Chi
cago lady in Boston dry goods store.
mo, madam said the clerk, solemnly,
81 can not assure you that they will; but
1 am creditably informed that with prop
err care and the use of salt they may be
washed successfully.
''Speakin' of twins" said old man
Chumpins, "there was two boys raised
IN our neighborhood that looked just
alike to their dyin' day. Lem didn't have
any teeth and his brother Dave did, but
they looked precisely alike all the same.
The only way you could tell them apart
was to put your finger in LENS mouth,
and if he bit yer twas Dave"