Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1889-04-06
SMILES AND SUNBEAMS.

ORDERLY sages always HE their wise
saws.
TEA and coffee are we'll termed lux
uries Of the grocer kind.
EMPIRE gowns are quite economical
because there is SO little waist to them.
A GLASS eye has one compensation
everybody else can see through the de-
vice, If the wearer can't.
"CHGNAMEN never rock a baby, Chum.
ley" MOP" "Nevtr. They make the
sky rocket you know "-Chicag0
Ledger.
Ir is easier for camel to get
through the eve of needle than for
the savage to get through his need of
an idol.
HE-Well, may hope then, dearest,
that at some time l may have the hap
piness of making you my wife? She
Yes, I hope So / am sure. l am tired
of suing fellows for breach of promise.
VERsIFlER- You neglected to return
my poem. Editor on the prin-
ciple of the golden rule. | remember
how it affected me when l received it
and | wanted to spare YOU n similar eX-
perience
WHEN a man dies natural death it
is we'll enough to call the corpse the
"remains :" but if he has been assisted
hence by discharge of nitro glycerine
the word remnants" Sc M to fit the
case better.
How INCONSISTENT some men are, to
he sure The,same man who will cheer
fully pay 81. 30 to hear woman whistle
has been known to threaten instant an
Inhalation to the office boy for doing the
self-same thing
"1N what condition was the Patriarch
Job at the end of his life" asked q
Camden Sunday school teacher of a
quiet looking boy at the foot of the
class. Dead" calmly replied the
quiet-looking boy.
FIRST great actress I see Nine.
Bernhardt claims she has never quar-
relied with dressmaker. Second great
actress Huh ! suppose she's so thank
full to get herself covered u that she
don't care much how it. done.
AN elder sister who was talking to "a
small brother the other day about the
evils of using slang, happened shortly
afterwards to use the word dictator. -
You shouldn't say Dick Tat r." said
the little purist, "you should say Rich
ard Potato"
A BRILLIANT prospect: Absent mind
ell man lin bobtail car Conductor,
L think | dropped n five dollar gold
piece in the box instead of a nickel.
Street Car Driver Well, sit down in
the corner and rifle it out. I'm very
busy now, and can't be bothered.
FREDDY b. is troubled about his wan
complexion, and wants to know if we
can recommend some exercise that will
bring a flush to his cheeks An ath-
lete who has tried it, Freddy. says the
best thing You cal do is TO sit down on
your stiff hat in n crowded chur IL.
MRs. CLovER-Run down t. the i,r,
Calvert, and if the Lentillons cone by
this steamer signal me with your hand
kerchi f. Mr.. Clover-What shall
do if they don't come? Mrs Clover
Send up some rockets and hire the
Government band for Publication.
"WHAT shall we do ii the price OF
flour goes up any further?" exclaimed
Mrs. In adem to her husband. 81 can
suggest simple remedy, my dear,
responded Mr.. Kneadem, quietly. "JuSt
continue your home baking and we
need not anticipate any rise III brea |.
A FASHIONABLE boarding school in
| New York teaches its pupils how to al
asparagus 1t is painful thought that
there are thousands of girls nice gills,
| too-who are compelled to go through
the world from the cradle to the grave
without receiving a ngle les son in the
art of eating asparagus.
KITTY III st up from long illness tc
friend calling upon herr crazy tC
get out to see the styles. / Invent @
thing to wear that's fit to be seen
Clara I'll go shopping with You.
know Just what to get. Grandma died
since you've been 81 *, an I've got the
giddiest mourning trous sean ont.
Mrs. DE SWEET cannot under
stand why so many cultivated me- are
willing to leave all the happiness OF
home, all the blessir rs of civilization
and spend lifetime in explorations il
such countries as Africa. Col. Warm
heart calamity All men, madam, are
not blessed with such wives as Mr.. De
| Sweet.
| ANTI-CLIMAX.
| Breathless the audience sat
Dozens of women were CRYING;
The cruel Moor had done his worst,
Desdenona was dying.
| How beaut 'ullv she died
One last fond look at her lover.
Then he blue eyes clio led on his
sMHrthv In
| As he Nyra hfullv stood n pOve her.