Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-12-23
Fare yet fowl-A broiled chicken.

From the house 1 stopped before
Tear drops my cheeks were cleaning
For the little boy next door!
Fare vet fOwl-A broiled chicken.
TIE path of duty-Through the custom
house.
When mustard plaster sets up in bust
ness it generally has the drawing room
all to itself.
She-And will you always love me? All
the live-long day? He-Ye-e-s, l think
so. You'll give me a chance to stop for
meals, L suppose?
Editor-''I cannot think and use the
type writer at the same time" Rival Ed
itor-s'Then you find the type writer no
better than the pen."
Johnkin-I hear you belong to an acct
dent insurance society? Tomkin-Yes, L
joined over six months ago, and the deuce
take it, L haven't got hurt yet
There are no less than S57 different
terms in the English language which ex-
press the state of being in love, and the
sweet young authoress of the glowing
society novel utilities them all.
Impatient guest Cat seaside: "Where
in the world is that waiter?" Head
Waiter: ssWas he 43 STRIP Impatient
Guest: s'He may have been forty three
when 1 gave him the order, but he's fifty
by this time"
Station Master: ''Come, come, my
good man. You mustn't walk on the
track. Tramp (disgustediy): ''The
conductor says l can't ride, and you say
| can't walk. What's your old road here
for, anyway"
l really don't see what is the matter
with my razor to-day. 1t is SO dull that
it don't cut at ALL" said Johnny's pa.
'sWhy, pa" said Johnny, sit was sharp
ship with
Tommy: mamma, why did they put
| Monday next TO Sunday?" Mamma
Don't trouble me now, dear. I'm sure
don't know" Tommy CATER pause)
'Was it because cleanliness is next to
goodness.
''Ferment means to work" said the
teacher to to the language class. 'Nov
each of you write a sentence containing
the word" This is what Tommy Cum
SO who reads the papers, wrote, ''Tramps
do not like to ferment.''
Aristocratic New York Lazy: "I'6
like to know, Bridget, what has become
of all the roast beef and cake that was
left over from dinner yesterday" Bridg
et s'Sure, mum, didn't yer niver hav,
a perlaceman calm on yez when vel
were of my age"
Foreman ''You ought to have put ;
turned rule after this thing" Typo: ''SC
it doesn't show up in the proof" Fore
man: 'sThen throw it away. It's poo
rule that won't work both ways, you
know"
Stranger: s.You have cut my chin ;
second time! If you can't shave bette
than that, you will lose all your custo
mers pretty quick" BARRIERS Appren
tice: mot at all, sir. l am not allow
to shave the regular customers yet.
shave only strangers.
little girl of tender years, who hat
been attending one of the public kinder
gartens, fell from a ladder. Her mothe
exciaiming, 80, darling, how did yo'
fall?" VERTICAL" replied the child with
out seconds hesitation
Visitor to Editorial Sanctum: "HeI
is an article | have prepared on the pc
litical situation" Editor: Greatly, IN
dear sir, we have so many articles OF
hand that"-Visitor: 81 know it. Hal
the jackasses of the country are writing
on the subject, and 1 thought it was tim
for me to say something"
Sunday school Teacher: ssChildren
what lesson do we learn from this verse
Verify, | say unto you that rich ma
shall hardly enter into the kingdom @
heaven?" Thoughtful boy: eve lear
that it's going to be good deal harde
to get into heaven than it is to get int
the United States Senate"
Small boy: Say, dad, l wish you
get me bicycle. Old man: Can't al
ford it, my son. Rent too high, coal to
dear. Besides 1 don't want you to brea
your neck. Small boy: Well, then,
tricycle.. Old man: Can't do it. Bu
I'll tell you what you can have. Whe
winter comes I'll try and get you a mic
long icicle. The youngster is pacified.
The Pail Nall Gazette says: 9Th
other day Mrs. Ormiston Chant was al
dressing group of poor wretches VIII
were eating their dinner on some builC
ing boards 1--we been in many prisons
! can tell YOU said she, by way of intro
. ducing her subject; but she was abrupt
; brought up by very poor and hang dos
looking old man who frightened up Z
her words and addressed her in tones c
eager interest. And what may you hav
been committed for, marm?
Their business Booming.
Probably thing has caused such gener
revival of trade IL. c. Pierce's drug store h
giving away to his customers of many free fri
bottles of DR.. Kings New Discovery for Consum
ton. Ills trade is simply enormous in this vel
valuable article from the fact that IL always cur
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