The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1889-09-24
a PAIR OF MARRIAGES.
A Hiss paid for but not Delivered
a Kick and a threatened law suiI.

hick and n threatened law suit.
The neighbOrs round about my taer patch
have way of calling me Judge" and quite
frequently the colored folks drop in for gratui-
tous legal advice. The other day was sitting
in my easy chair, smoking and dreaming of days
gone by, when an old colored man stuck his
head in at the door, removed ,he slouch hat from
his woody pate scraped and bowed and said
"Jcdge, kin | come ?'
"Yes; walk right III, Jake; what's the mat
ter n0w:'
"Jrdge, kin l havea White man 'rested?"
"Why certainly, Jake, il you can make out
case"
"Ts glad 70 hear dat, Jelse; Is gwin. .er do ii
den"
"What has this white man been doing hass
he assaulted you?'
Goa, no, sor he didn't suit me- it was my
lady what he suited"
"Insul;ed your wife, dil he in what way
"Wcll, !4dge, yer SEE it wus in dis way: Is
bin sotin UP ter lady fur some time, an
bumby She greed dat she'd hab me- Den us
dress up an went to Squire Smif's house. Yer
know he Ibis ou, iar tohcr side of Chaircs Sta
house dat wus why us didn't git you ter no de
JOB fur us. Yer mustn't think hard, jedge."
"Oh that's all right, Jake; You needn't ap-
pologize. Hurry up"
"Well, jedge, when us got ter Squire Smiffs
house US found poor buckra and his young
'ooman habin' de same kline ob job done.
Squire Sniff he'read de sacremony outen book
an when he done he jess ups an smack dat
white 'Ooman squar in de monf."
"But where does the insult come n man?
Talk fast"
"All right, jedge Is gttcn to dat. Don't
crowd me er I'll git mixed"
"Go on with your story, Jake"
"'Taint no story, jedge, its de white trufe."
"Well, make it short then"
jess 50, jedge. Well as l was sayin,'
Squire Sniff he smacked dat white 'ooman squar
in de mout; den dey went out, an de Squire he
turned to us an axed us what us wanted, and
us tell him US want him to do de same bus ness
for us den he axed sorter short like, whar us
lishunses wus, an | han 'em to him den he
axed how much money l hab an l say dat l
hab little an axcd how much he charge"
"Cut this thing short, Jake; I can't listen to
such rubbish all day
"Is gitten' down 10 it now, jedge; don't be
hard on de niger. You see rs done studied
dis ting out jess like got to gin it in at de trial,
an if yer 'rupts me much I'll git mixed"
"All right, Jake; all right tell it in your
own way"
{" OATS it, jedge; dat's like likes to hear yer
talk. AS was sayin', de squire wanter know
how much money l hab, an l axed what he
charge; den he say, seem how as it wus US, an
us was poor, he'd put it at dollar; den l aXed
what dat buckra gin him, an he say two dollar;
den gin him two big wheels an tell him dat
wanter be jined jess like dat buckra. De Squire
he laff an say wus fool to pay double what
he charge me, but he drop de two dollars in his
pocket an tell him dat all right, l not mine de
spensc 50 US jincd like white folks"
"But how did he insult your wie?'
"Is gittn to dat ledge Yer see, as l was a
sayin', he puts de money in his pocket, den he
tell us to SIAN in front un him an den he read
de sacremony jess like he done for de buckra
and his 'ooman. When he got done an say us
man an lady us keep standin' dar waitn' fur
de finishin' tetch. AFTER while he ak what us
waitin' fur an tell him dat US waitin' for him
to smack my lady like pay him to do and like
he done dat white 'ooman''
"What did he say TO that ?"
"Why, jedge, he cuss me an kick me outen de
house"
$50 you want to have him arrested for kick
ing youy"
mo sir dat Amt il, jedgc; didn't mine dat,
what make me mad an what / want him rested
for is for 'sutin' my lady by not smackin' her
in de mout arter done pay him extra dollar
TO do ii'
"But there is no law to force a'man to kiss
woman unless he wishes to-"
"An' KANT hab him up. jedgey"
mot on :hat ground. You might have him
arrested for kicking you, but not tor refusing to
kiss your wife"
II don't mine de kick, jedge, its de suit TO my
lady what hurts me. So KANT do muffin wild
him p
No" And he slowly walked out, mumbling
"DOu't know what sOripr law dat won't low