davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
THE CRANK DIscouRAoER.
A Railroad Onlcial Who Deals Principall,
IN Gentle Sarcasm

Railroad Oflcial Who Deals Principally
In Gentle Sarcasm
Bothered by cranks and inventors re-
peated the railroad man; ''well, should
smilel They will average three per week
the whole year round, and their inventions
outnumber the stars
"The man with the car-coupler turns up
pretty often, 1 supposed" queried New
York Sun scribe.
"Twice week on the average, but I've
known six of them to be in this Office at
once"
''Do you make test of every inventionl"
"Nearly every one. That's what | am
here for The correct title of my position
is, The Railroad Invention Tester and Crank
Discouragerp When a chap comes along
with patent car coupler always take him
down into the yards and give his patent a
trial"
"And you hit good thing now and then,
do you notl"
Never. The car coupler of thirty years
ago is the best in use, and indeed about the
only one. You can get nothing better How
ever, you have got to prove an invention
worthless before you can choke off the in
ventor. If there is any cost to attach it to
a car he pays for it. l had one here last
week with a patent freight-car coupler
which was to be worked by lever, thus
rendering it Unnecessary for the brakeman
to place himself been the bumpers. l saw
half a dozen defects but he was enthusias-
tic, and so l had it put on to a couple of
cars. We went out into the yards, hitched
to suitable engine, and made trial. The
brake failed to work. and the inventor
stepped in to toggle at it, and he was caught
between the bumpers and smashed so fat
chat he covered whole door. He was No.
80, believe"
'Thirty-six what!'
''Victims since january 1. keep men,
orandum of them. Most OF 'em were killed
! outright, but some went home TO die 1t is
all done by their own inventions, and we
can not be held responsible. keep an old
door and four yard men handy TO carry OF
the body, and that's all they can reasonably
expect Ali but here comes man with a
patent draw bar. If you can come around
about day after tomorrow Pll be ready TO
try it, and it's ten to one you'll see him car
ried off. Had six draw-bar men here last
month, and five of 'em were shipped home
! by the undertaken"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
BRITISH ETIQUETTE.
Where Professional Men Stand In Il
Phalanx of English Society.


Phalanx of English Society.
It Is great satisfaction to know exactly
where one stands in the grand phalanx of
society-whether one is general, colonel,
major, captain, lieutenant, sergeant, cor
poral, high private or camp follower in that
host composed of many grades. The British
have way OF adjusting these matters, and
fixing the social status of all classes, from
princes and peers to peddlers and paupers,
which is really stunning. They classify the
entire population, with remorseless exacti-
tude, ln one hundred and twenty-eight
classes, beginning at the throne as the top
most round of the social ladder, and ending
at the work-house, or thereabouts. Accord
ing to this nicely graduated scale of pre-
cedence, untitled men of letters are very,
very low people. They belong to class one
hundred and twenty-three, only five de-
grees above zero. For the benefit of all
low-caste Americans who may contemplate
visit to England, we givethesubdivision
OF their landowners" of class 123, officially
announced in Court Ettiquette.' -
GLASS 123. Professional gentlemen-as So
licitors, attorneys, proctors, engineers erchi-
teets medical practitioners, (not being physi-
cians), artists, Literary men, merchants, mas
"Reminiscences, scientific professors, and
others not engaged in manual labor, farming
OF land, or reta trade"
We don't as yet understand the niceties
of precedence quite as well as our trans
atlantic cousins; but we are getting along
pretty well for new beginners. We know
enough already to place the drones of our
hive before the working bees.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
ORIGIN OF SLANG.
How Some Popular Words and Phras
Game, Into RainR

How Some Popular Words and Phrases
Came Into Being.
This may be called in one sense the age of
slang. But after all what is called slang Is
frequently the giving of q new meaning to
old words or the invention 6f new words
from old roots. The slangof to-day becomes
the elegant language of tomorrow II is
interesting to note how many of the COM
monest words and phrases which were once
regarded as slangy and inelegant became a
part of the polite language of the times.
Words, like lives, have biography, says a
writer in the Pittsburgh Dispatch.
"Dun" is word now whose meaning is
known to every one who understands the
English language. T 0 many wish they did
not know it. Yet at the beginning of this
century it was unknown as verb. About
that time constable in England named
John Dun became celebrated as a first-class
collector OF bad accounts. When others
would fail to collecta bad debt Dun would be
sure to get 1t out of the debtor. So we'll
known did this become that people from the
surrounding country sent him their accounts
when they could not collect them. 1t soon
passed into current phrase that when a
person owed money and did not pay when
asked he would have to be "Dunned. -
Hence it soon became common in such cases
you wish to collect your money!
Until the nomination of Franklin Pierce
for the Presidency the word ssoutsidcr'' was
unknown, The committee on credentials
came in to make its report and could not
get INTO the hall because of the crowd OF
people who were not members of the con-
vention. The chairman of the convention
asked II the committee was ready to report
and the chairman of the committee an
swered: Eyes, Mr.. Chairman; but the
committee is unable to get inside on ac-
count OF the crowd and pressure Of these
outsiders" The newspaper reporters, ever
ready To appreciate good word or phrase,
/ took up the word and used r. Since then
il has been a common word and we could
not do without It. s.Boom,n in its new
sense of meaning popular clamor for a
nan, or for any question or movement, Is a
recent word being first used as such in
1880. Grant was being run for third term.
This brought out bitter opposition. One
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
CHURCHES.

DAPTIST.-Pr reaching each sunday ut III II.
DIN. and nt Z 30 y. M, at the courthouse. sun
day school at 10 o'clock, a IN. Prayer meeting
Wednesday evening of each week. Rov. w. a.
Cain, Pastor. Residence ON Cor. Lincoln Ave.
and Cherry Streets.
OHRISTIAN.-Preuch every Sunday nj
- II o'clock, n. IN, and 1880 p. m. by Elder
David Nation. Prayer meeting every we'd
ncsday night. Sunday school at 10 o'clock a. III.
every Sunday.
AHErHODIST EPISCOPAB.-Serviccs every
XN1 Sunday at II 100 a. IN. and Z 30 p. IN. Sun
day school every Sunday at 10 Il. III. Prayer
mectinn every Wednesday evening at 1:JO.
Strangers invited. K. SANDERsON, Pastor.
DRESBYTERIAN.-S every Sunday at
i II a. m. and 80 p. III. Sunday School at
10 n. IN. j B. NORTH, Pastor.
CATHOLIC CHURCH Services on End
Sunday of every month at ShcrlOck's hall, III
1900 A. IN REV. BITTER Pastor.
GERMAN BAPTIST BRETHREN-HOld reg
" ular services at MiugOna, Barber county
the second aud fourth Sundays i'll each month
At Forrest school house on the second sunday
Cedar Creek school house on the third sunday
BY Elders ShnmberRer, Smith and Ncher
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
AARoN.s WEDDING SUIT.
1t Was just as Good as His Mother Could
Afford to Buy.

1t Was just as Good as His Mother Could
Afford to Buy.
Parents are sometimes loath to relinQuish
their parental authority, even when their
sons and daughters are men and women,
and ought to be learning to think and act
for themselves, says the Youths Compan-
ion. A tall, awkward and painfully diff
dent young man of twenty one or twenty
two years went into clothing store, accom-
panied by short, active ana keen-eyed lit
tie woman, whose self possession was per-
feet.
"Let US see some black suits of some kind,
something not too high, nor yit so cheap as
to be good for nothing" said the woman to
the clerk.
eyes, ma'am. Is the suit for this young
manr'
~Yes, it's for him. We you any idea bout
what you want in the way of suit, ,Aarons''
'I'd like one of them shiny black suits,'
replied Aaron, meekly.
"Well, dom know" said the mother,
with a shake of her head. 'I'm doubtful
bout them wearin' well, an b'lieve I'd
better git you good cashmere"
The clerk led the way to counter piled
high with inexpensive black suits, and the
mother began: ''How'd you like this,
Aaronl'
81 dom know"
"Well, look at it, boy, and see whether
you think you'd like it.n
~ guess So"
"Do you like this one any betterl''
81 dom know as do"
"Well, l want you to make up your mind
now, and not go to wishin' you'd got some
thing else as soon as you git home"
The amusement of the clerk was increased
when, after carefully examining suit after
suit without coming to a decision, the ole
lady said:
.You may show me something leetle
mite better'n any OF these, / wouldn't be
so pertikler, but it's his weddin' suit Tn
gittin', an l feel as though I'd like him tc
look a little halfway decent on such an oc
casion. Dye think you'd be satisfied &C
stand un in this one. Aaron f,l
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
THE HooSIER WON.
How an Ancient Indiana Ananias Victim
iEod q Practical Joker.

! How an Ancient Indiana Ananias Victim
ICED Practical Joker.
| We were standing one day in front of a
| small country store in one-horse town in
| Southwestern Indiana, says writer in the
| American Commercial Traveller We had
made the rounds and were waiting for the
train. The conversation turned In some way
to the subject of eyesight- An old Hoosier
farmer who had been listening to our CONVEX
sation lounged up and said: +" reckon yew
fellers air right smart chaps e-gallivantin'
roun' through the kentry like heern tell yew
dew, but I'll low, b'gosh, at I kin see furder
an draw bead finer nor ary one o. We
! Jes' las week wus huntin'-me an nv
| gal wus-daown on the mash over Won, an,
| TUX up my gun tew shute. What dive
see, dadP my gal SEE, seq she. 'Seep sez /; /;
'kain't ye see thet squirrel daown thars'
No. sez she; 4 KANT see no squirrel. /
kin see a OF stump daown thar bout forty
rod sez she. There's squirrel on that
stump seq /. An pulled my oil gun up
to my shoulder an Ilet 'er go. Well, wien
we got daown thar, sure 'nuff, stranger,
thar warn't no squirrel thar. 'Twan't
nothin' 'cept a tarnal little chipmunk bout
half IS big g my ham. But he wuz ded,
stranger. There KANT nuthin' git away
frum me wen shute."
every acute eyesight," remarked.
"Cute!" the old Hoosier answered
"Wal, dunno's thar war nothin' so very
cute bout it, but 1 reckon it war right
| smart seein'."
All through this wonderful recital George
| B., who dearly loved a practical joke and
never missed an opportunity to perpetrate
one, had stood gazing fixedly of toward the
! northern horizon. When the Hoosier had
| finished he remarked: 'sYes, uncle, that
was mighty good 'seein',' no doubt; but I'll
/ go you big, round dollar that you can't
tell me the number OF geese in that flock up
there" pointing in the direction in which
he had been gazing. We all looked, but
could see nothing. George winked The
/ old man shaded his eyes with his hand and
said: Wal, ] reckon l kin see the geese
easy 'nuff. hain't right smart on countin'
nohow, stranger, but 1 ca'late theyB bout
! thirteen in thet air flock, z / kin see IN
/ now" We all strained our eyes and pres
entity flock hove in sight. They came
4 nearer and nearer. We counted Just thir-
1 teen. ''ThunderI'' said George, as he
/ handed over one dollar, s'where in blazes
! did those geese come froma l didn't see
! them before" They had come upon the
scene just in time to win one dollar for the
Hoosier
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18

81 went to the bottom of the Grand
Canyon of the Colorado last winter,'' said
w. z, Hart to a St Louis Globe Democrat
reporter, ''and au one of the few men who
ever attempted the descent. went there
to examine a mine said to exist in the bot
tom of the canyon. have been all through
the Rockies, from Montana to Central
America, and know what chasm is, but
the sight of that abyss took my breath
away. From the top to the bottom it is
fully six Thousand feet. Over mile below
you can see the river tearing through the
gorge, but not sound can be heard, it is so
far away. From one bank 10 the other it is,
apparently, not oyer quarter of mile,
but, as 4 matter of fact, it is fully nineteen
miles. Ny guide told me would never be
able TO reach the bottom, but | was deter
mined to go, and went 1t was a terrible
climb, and it took US eight hours to reach
the bottom. 1t is cert inly the most desc
late place in the world. There is not q
| living thing down there-no insects, rep
tiles oF animals of any kind Every thing
is absolutely dead. The mining prospect
was worthless Before the sun was I'D the
next morning we were on our way out, aud
it took us until ten o'clock that night to
climb the wall OF the canyon"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
HIS SECOND PATIENT.
Why There Were No Ghosts on IL
Young Doctors Doorstep.

Why There Were No Ghosts on the
Young Doctors Doorstep.
A certain man, who was lately wed, dwelt
in the country, far from the noise of any
town. 1t chanced one night that his wife
fell sick, and, being ignorant of the ways of
women folk, he mounted his cart-horse and
galloped exceedingly fast toward the town
in search of skillful leech.
On the road he met a gaunt and withered
hag, who asked him.
"Whither so fast, good manin
ITO get leech for my wife who is sick
unto death.n
"Know ye how to tell good doctorl"
NAY, mother; 1 take the first which God
leadeth me to.n
Whereupon the ancient dame gave him q
sprig Of Euphrasy and said:
"Hold this to thy eyes when thou lookest
at a doctor s house and thou will straight
way see the ghosts of those who have died
from his bunglmg. Take thou the doctor
with the fewest GHOSTS
Thereafter whenever that man came to a
Doctors house he held the mystic herb to
his eyes, and oddzooks fearful sight met
his clairvoyant gaze. Around every doctor s
door shivered CHASTITY crowd of uneasy
ghosts, and, what seemed strange to that
man, the larger and more comfortable the
house the greater was the awesome troop at
the door.
Through the deserted streets he galloped
from Doctors house to DOCTORS house, seek
ing in vain for one whose gates were not
besieged by uneasy spirits. At length up
quiet lane he espied modest house bear
ing DOCTORS shingle, and lol but a soli-
tary ghost sat upon the door step.
''Here, by Gods grace" quoth the man,
'ls the doctor for me.''
But little time had passed, ween, before
that stout horse was bearing the man aud
his physician along the road to the sick
woman.
When they were well on toward the end
of their journey the doctor smiled pleasant
smile to see, and said:
II wonder right well by what good chance
you called on me, for know have only been
practicing medicine two days, and your good
wife will be the second patient l have
treated"
THE profane ejaculation that followed
says the Medical Visitor, is perhaps better
omitted
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
LARGE HOUSEHOLDS.
Advantages of Life In Families Made Up
of Many nfemlsars

Oh many members.
There is no cheerfulness in the world COM
parable to that afforded by the daily life Of
large family, says Harper's Bazaar. There
may be an equal amount of happiness in 3
small family, there may be depth of bliss
where only two are together of which the
life lived by ten or dozen could afford no
idea; but for the cheer of varied interests,
Of lively voices, of going and coming, of
song and laughter, of moving figures, of the
sense of action and life, what can be desired
better than a family where father and
mother and grandmother, aunts and chil.
dren. make the round doZenl In a small
family 1t is difficult to keep up the wide in
terest in people and neighborhood which
does great deal to promote cheerfulness;
it is difficult to keep up such interest In
more than very few, from the nero
want of time, from the difficulty of getting
about, and the impossibility of being in
more than one place at time, If from no
other reason. But where there are O num-
Der ofpeople under the roof, that answers
every purpose, as each one bringing in keen
feeling for the affairs of several others, the
whole together maintain a wide and deep
connection from which cheerfuluess is pre-
cipitated like salt from its component
gases.
But apart from the cheer derived from
anu TciaJfOnSulp Will tue OUT
de multitude by means of q large family's
Varied acquaintance, comes that derived
from other sources in consequence of our
full circle. This member of the large house
hold is the one devoted to charity; all the
rest do a great deal of vicarious charity, as
we may call it, through that channel, and
feel content with satisfied consciences in q
sense Of duty done, which sense, whether
It contributes to virtue or not, does, at any
rate, to cheerfulness, and it is cheerfulness
Of which we are speaking This other men,
Der is the student Of science, and out of the
chance conversation, the books, plates, ex-
periments and experiences of this in
aividual, the rest hive sufficient amount of
scientific honey for their own uses, and are
snriched with learning without the least
exertion of their own, receiving it, as it
were, through the pores. These others,
again, do the gay society business; and
those Of the remainder who are quietly in
clined go to all the routs and drives and
sails in the gay ones enjoyment, see what
the bellies wear and how the beaux behave
and never have to leave their tranquil cor
ner at all. And this last one, with scraps
of singing and scraps of piano o-playing, and
mornings Of practicing and evenings of
mirth, YIELDS every thing together in a sort
of perpetual ringing of joy-bells. In short,
in large IA mily the whole world comes to
every memb er of it, and in a small family
only narrow segment of it can come.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
THE PARROT scouReE.
It L. Almost ~ Destructive to Sheep Ir
Australia as the Rabbit Peat

1t 1s Almost ~ Destructive to Sheep In
Australia as the Rabbit Post
You have no doubt heard Of the great
rabbit scourge in the provinces of Australia.
and how the Government of New South
Wales has offered a reward of $125, 900 to
any one who will invent some effectud
means Of ridding the country of the pestif-
erous little animals. Thomas w. Knox,
In his last book of travels, tells US acout the
parrot scourge there, which is almost as
destructive TO sheep as the rabbit scourge.
When the sheep farmers first established
their stations among the mountains there
were fiocks Of green parrots living In tho
glens and feeding entirely on fruit and
leaves. They were beautiful birds and no
body suspected any harm from them.
After time 1t was discovered that many
Of the sheep and they were invariably the
finest and fattest Of the flock, had sores on
their backs, and always in the same place,
just over the kidneys. Some of the sores
were so slight that the animals recovered,
but most of them died or had to be
killed to end their sufferings. The
cause Of these sores was for some
time.a mystery, but at length herdsman on
one OF the high ranges declared his belief
that the pa rrots were the murderers of the
sheep. Investigation showed that in the se-
we're winters the parrots had come at night
10 the gallows where the hcrdsmen hung
the carca asses of slaughtered sheep and
picked on the fat from the mutton, showing
partiality for that around the kidneys.
How they ever connected the carcasses
with the living sheep is subject for nat
uralists to puzzle over, and especially how
they knew the exact spot where the choicest
fat was to be found in the living animal II
seems that the attacks on the sheep began
within few months after the parrots had
first tasted mutton at the meat galloTs.
They are gradually being exterminated, but
the sagacious birds that formerly came
without fear into the presence of man now
venture out only at night.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
A Chapter of Mistakes.

An Albany girl mistook burglar who
called the other night for her lover who had
agreed to come at about the same hour to be
the best man at high-toned elopement.
The burglar was quick-witted and led the
young lady away while his pal went in TO
rob the house. Then the young man came
and burglar No. pretended to be the young
lady and followed hIfn cut into the night
with his pockets full of plunder. They
passed under light and the lover was dis
mayed to find that his companion was man,
Ptobably the angry father of the girl. The
young man accordingly decamped. About
the same time the girl discovered her mis-
take and hastily returned to the house. She
was found in a thoroughly repentant mood
on the doorstep the next morning. Fate
added another drop TO the young mans cup
Of bitterness by causing him TO be charged
with burglar
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
It Was Never Patented.

The common cow-catcher attachment to a
locomotive is about the only article of uni.
versal use that was never patented. IL was
invented by ID. B. Davies, of Columbus. O..
still living and quite aged. He borrowed
the idea from the moId-board of the ployy
which is used 10 throw up the soil to one
side, but was so busy he neglected to patent
ituntil it was too late 1t is in use TODAY
as originally invented by Mr. Dawes, with
out change or deviation from the original
plan, and has saved millions OF dollars
TO railroad companies, and probably thou
sands OF lives, but not q penny to the in
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
Only a New York Man.

The late Richard n. Dana was passing q
negro church at the north end Of Boston
one night and took it into his head to look
in. After few moments listening he was
quietly retiring, when one of the official
members stepped up and expressed regret
that they could not offer him more attract
i've preaching Mr.. Dana remarked politely
that it was very good. But the colored
brother insisted on apologizing: "Not much
in de way of preachin', sir-only New
York man!'
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1889-09-18
lna nraras OF aIar,cn.

There are twenty seven States In Mexico
Their names are as follows. Aguascal
ientes, .Campeche. Chiapes, Chihuahua
Coahuila, Collima, Durango, Guahjuato
Guerrero, Hidalgo, Jalisco, Mexico, Micho
acan, Morelos, Nuevo Leon, Oaxaca, PuebIa
Queretara, San Luis Potosi, Sinaloa, So
nora, Tabasco, Tamaulipas, Tiaxcaia, Vera
Cruz, Yucatan and Zacatecas. The area OF
Mexico is 752, ,s29.7 square miles There
are also two Territories, the Federal Dis
trict and Lower California, which increase
the area to s12, ,025 "a square miles. The
population is 10. O.249152