Nevada County picayune., 1889-11-06
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 THE LIMEkILN CLUB
what the Society Has Accomplished Sln0o
 Its Foundation in 1877.

Its Foundation In 1877.
 When the meeting had been called to order and several of the windows lowered from the top to let out the odor of burning woolen, caused by Elder Toots getting his back too near the hot stove, Brother Gardner arose and said:
 We hey begun de twelfth var ob de existence Of dis club. an it ar an ap- propriate time for figgerin' up what we hev accomplished as an organiza- tion. 1 hev made leetle calkerlation, which I will purceed to read:
 "We have improved the moral status of de cull'd race in America 52 per cent
 'Wo hev reformed upwards of (esti- mated) 50,000 pussons, who war ad- dictcd to de use of intoxicatin' drinks.
 I've hev converted upwards of (es- timated) 100000 pussons to de sci- ence of hygienne an sanitary regula- shuns
 Twelve y'ars ago 3,000.000 dogs owned by culld pussons war allowed to sleep under the bed. To-day the number is estimated at less than 100.
 When dis club was first organized de loss of chickens in do United States by midnight evaporashun was calker- lated at 10000 per night fur ebery night in de var At dis date it will not aiverage fifty
 Twelve y'ars ago no culrd pusson in diss hull kentry felt any moral ob- ligashun when in de presence of wa ter mellyon. At do present time de said mellyon has got to be de biggest an de ripest sort, an to hold out actual Encouragement to be tooken in, befo' cull'd man kin be tempted.
 Tn seventeen different States dis club has taken precedence of the reg ular legislachures, an it's purceed. ings ar read an honored wid fur mo interest
 '1n many localities de Limekiln Club is considered de superior of Con- gress, an our reports on agriculture, fishin', possum-huntin' an astronomy ar accepted as standard by large ma jority.
 I've hev inducted the speerit of economy an thrift into (estimated) 100000 bosoms, adding to de capital of de kentry at least S75, 5,00O, GOO per var.
 Twelve y'ars ago de best educated culld man in dis kentry couldn't tell six-shillin' chromo from $2, 900 paintin'. At the present date de same kin be told six miles off.
 "Eben up to seben vars ago no cull'd pusson in dis kentry had any idea of gravltashun, astronomy or medical science. To-day 6,000, 900 of our race know why a grindstun falls to de ground when you point it up in the air. Amos ebry man. woman an child keeps track ob de moons phases an knows de suns distance from de airth De cause an effect of chillblains is now common knowledge, an de cull'd man who gifts whack in de eye knows all about dc virchews of fresh beef as remedy.
 ''TO sum up, we hev made a record of which ebery member of de club may justly feel proud, an we hev honestly airned de right to inscribe on our ban- ner: Ste Semper Trensor."
 Rev. Penstock, who has been very quiet for few weeks past, now arose to inquire:
 "Does de char fully comprehend dc meanin' of de Latin term just used?"
 De char does." was the emphatic response.
 Exactly, but I-I-what did de char mean to infer?"
 ''Brudder Penstock," replied the president, with a whole cold storage company in his tones. dis char hasn't passed frew college an bin loaded down wid certificates an diplomas, but nevertheless he reckons on know in what he is talkin' about. De mean in of dat Latin is: We IIev Got To De Top"
 But I-I-'
 "Brudder Penstock, sot down, You is disturbin de mectin' an layin' your self liable to fine of half a millyon dollars!'
 Penstock fell backwards in heap. and the president then announced the local officers and committees. -Detroi, Free Press.