Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1889-05-24
STAMMERlNG WIT
Anecdotes of a Great Wall Street
HumoriSt
Funny Sayings of the Witty will
TrayerS.

One of the wittiest of Americans who
ever lived was William & Travers. kind
ly man, full OF an ineIhaustible howof
charming wit. He was successful
operator in Wall street. made much
money and spent much of it In priucsly
entertainment of his friends. whom to
make happy was his own greatest happi-
ness. He stammered worse than Charles
Lamb, and good jokes and bon nlotS fell
from his lips so naturally Al sweetly
that no one ever met him that he did
not carry away some choice wittieism to
be remembered for life time. He was
reared In Baltimore. After ne had gone
to New York an old Bsitimoreau met
him i'll Wall street, and said to him:
"Will, no1ce that you s,utter worse
here than you did in Baltimore"
'Yeye-yes. OF o-course 1 do" re, lied
he, This Is a dido d sight b bigger &C
cltv."
Once upon time an Euglishman was
a guest on his yacht and bored the psrty
by his loquacity. H talked aud talked,
and monopolIzed the conversation in
way that was both esostisticsi and com
mon place. At the dinner table he began
TO talk of oysters, as they were served
ut is now debatable point among
scientists, IS to whether the oyster has
brains"
Trayers, who had borne with the
bore with great patience, mildly re
marked: II think the oyster
must have BIB brains, be-be becau.s 1t
knows enough to know wh-when to
sh-sh-shut up
The roar which followed paralyzed the
laxative Englishmsn.
fr,a A.,
a good rat-terrier thai ne talked of buy
ing. they went to dog dealer, where
the dog was placed in pit and huge
rat was let in. The dog fought for
awhile, but the rat bravely sood him off
and the dog weakened.
BIB bbuy the rat" was the coufiden-
tial advice Travers gave his friend.
He attended the races once at Derby.
He took an interest in pool and won a
large sum of money, but before he got it
the pool man decamped with the funds.
Afterwards ne was telling his bad luck to
friend, VINO said: II supposed he was
Influenced by the principle of honor
among thieves, am am surprised that he
should do So"
mo one c-c-oould have t-t-told him
that | was th tn thief" innOcently re-
piled travers.
One of his friends on Wall street had
very bald head. His portrait came out
IN Frank Leslie and he was described SIS
a seif-mads man. Soon after Travers
met him, and said: II SIS say CT CT Clews
you are s-seif-tnade IN m-mau.
"h-Sh why didn't you P P-put m m more
hair GA the t-t-tOp OF your heRdf"
When he went to see the Siamese twins,
he examined them closely, and then look
ing up blepkly he said: "B b brothers,
[ presume"
He was once called away from home on
business expecting to be absent several
days. Some turn In aft IT'S rendered his
Journey unnecessary and he returned late
at mig and entered his wife's bed
chamber.
As that you Wil?" she inquired on
being suddenly awakened.
"Y-y-yes," answered he, "wh VIII whom
did you ex-exptct?'
When jim Fisk was alive he invited
Travers to inspect one of his large stea III
boats. As he entered the cabia Travers
Jaw a large likeness of Jay Gould and of
Fisk hanging side by side. He was asked
If the pictures were good.
"V very good" he replied in his in
imItable way, "b-b-but to make the m
com complete th-there should b b be a
p picture of our SIS -aviour in the M m
middle"
He once said to friend whom he
wished to obIige: "C-come to me in
September, L will g-give you PIP
UoInt that Wv. will make IN IN money
Later the man dropped in. &c come for
that pointf" asked Travers. Certainly"
said the friend. "W W well you are a
lucky d dog l p played that PIP point
myself two weeks ago aud losts p-ppiIe
% money. Y-you stick to me long
enough and c-close enough, and I'll IL
land you in the p p-poor house, sure"
In Brooklyn once he lost his way. ne
asked man in bis stammeripg way. The
man answered suffering as badly as he
did.
care you MIN min-mim -mimioking
meP" he asked sharply.
IN n-no." said the other, 81 am-m-m,
b-badly afflicted with an i'm im-im pedi-
ment in my speech"
"Wh-why DIDN'T you g-get curedf"
asked the witty Travers. &c go to DR..
B-B-rown. H h-he Gu Gu cured Inn me.
DID d ont you s-s-see how, how, how well
| talk?"
"Wh- wh-what is your manner" he once
dSktu VI q llSUIc" Win ic WAS
dealing.
Jacob was the reply.
"B-b but what is your Christian
manner" he asked, much to the Jews con
fusion.
His son once came before him with a
black eye.
"Wh-wh-ere did you s-g-get thatS"
In fight" was the answer.
"W-wn who whipped"
81 did," replied the boy.
% ga quite right, r-r-right. Here's
d d-doIlar. Always wh-wh whip the
other fellow"
When on his death bed at Bermuda
friend called to see him and said, what
a nice place Bermuda is for rest and
change"
yves" Traverse replied, "th-the
walters gig ge5 the change and the
h hotel keepers the rr-rest."
These are samples of the witticisms
thet flowed from his lips in stammering
sim plicity, as if he were unconscious that
he ever said funny thing.