Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-05-11
THOUGHTS FOR THE SERIOUS

A CAT nap-the fur.
TIE actor and the baseball playe,
both aim to make hit.
Talk is cheap, but not the affection
ate talk of pretty girl; that is dear.
IT quite right for lecturer to be
| full of his subject, but not when he leo
lures on whisky.
IT is strange that Longfellow knew
not of the interstate laws and yet
wrote ~Try not the pass.
AW1onTA ol-girl Is credited with
saying: death is like vaccination; it
| never takes without leaving . mark.
EACH man is walking coal mine,
and it is for him to decide whether it
will send forth heat and light, or only
SCOT and smoke.
THIRTEEN is a mighty unlucky
number thought the prisoner, gazing
at the Judge ant. jury as he heard the
verdict-"guilty."
"SAD about Cholly, wasn't it? Got
his cane head in his mouth, you know,
and couldn't get it out" "How much
was it worth ?"-Time.
VISITOR (chafiingly)-Why, Tommy.
you weren't born ten years ago. Tommy
1.-TWO days before his tenth birth day.
We'll, I wasn't far from it, anyhow.
A DETROIT gentleman whose hair is
becoming little sparse says that his
marriage certificate is beginning to
show through. Detroit Free Press.
PHILADELpHIAN Tin st. Louis)-Will
YOU kindly tell me where I can get a
drink of water? Poiceman-Mein
frient, half been only dree months on
dis beat.
THERE are nice little pretty green
GASES all through the desert of life, but
the fat man who breaks suspender
when running to catch train doesn't
think of this.
DOMESTIC (who has been catechising
prospective mistress) = Well, Mrs.
Sharply, you have rather bad name
among the girls in the town, but Oh
think I'll give you a try.
A MAN could form a more accurate
idea as to when he reached middle age
if furnished with the date of his demise.
A woman never gets there anyway, SO
she needs no table of neurology.
"WHAT do You think of my mustache,
Edith?" ooh! it reminds me of the con-
dition of the telegraph wires after the
last blizzard" "How was that ?" "They
were all down. "-Chicago Ledger.
The hot-water cure is highly spoken
of. A young man of our acquaintance
was completely cured of an attachment
for q young lady by one kettleful, which
the old man let him have.-Boston
Bulletin.
BooTBLAcK-Shine, sir? Countryman
(sadly)-No, sonny; them boots amt
been BACKED since my poor dear wife
died six months ago. There amt much
blackin' left on 'em, but what's there
she put on herself.
WEREN'T you knocking at the side
door moment ago." inquired St.
Peter, as he cautiously opened the main
entrance. eyes, sir" well, you can't
come in. We have no use for people
who frequent side doors. Epoch.
Mrs. LYoN-HUNTER-How was it you
didn't invite the Baron to your house
before he went away? Mrs. Frank-Be-
cause I was afraid my husband might
be rude to him. You know he hates
to have strangers ask him for money.
Money! Ged! he's got NAV
money than he knows what to do with.
Nibbs-He might his debts
then. Bibbs-Haw! and what's the use
of having money, ba Jawve! if you aw
gawing to pay your debts, ba Jawvel
Lies.
SMALL Boy Mamma, where does
leather come from? Mamma comes
from animals, my son. It is the skin,
tanned. Small Mamma, do ami
mails have souls? Mamma-Of course
not. Small Boy-Then. what part does
sole leather come from?
MY dear, although our daughter
liked Mr.. Blank well enough to get en-
gagged to him, I'm really afraid she
doesn't love him. Wise father-O, well,
that doesn't matter. Mr.. Blank is
morning newspaper man and she'll
never see enough of him to get tired of
him.-Philadelphia Record.
EXPERIENCED tramp-"Hello! we',e
in luck. I hear o husband and wife
quarreling in this house. I'll wait until
he comes out" Fresh tramp-"Wot
good IL that do?" It'll tell hiI I'm
a wanderer over the face of the earth
because I can't live with my wife, and
he'll give me dollar. Philadelphia
Record.
WORSE THAN MARRIAGE.
A bachelor old and chanky
Was sitting alone in his room;
His toes with the govt were aching
And his face was o'erspread with gloom.
No little ones shouts disturbed him,
From noises the house was free;
In fact, from the attic to cellar
Twas quiet as quiet could be.
No medical aid was lacking;
The servants answered his ring,
Respectfully heard his orders,
And supplied him with everything.
But still there was something wanting,
Something he couldn't command;
The kindly words of compassion,
The touch of q gentle hand.
And he said, as his brow grew darker
And he rang for the hireling nurse;