The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1889-03-01
Pangent Paragraphs.

E0uk0uC T0r9kESpaHe
The foolish man selects a wife as he
would an umbrella, paying a high
price for q pretty head.
Some one asks, "Wherc do flies go
in winter?" We don't know, but we
wish they would go there in sum-
mer.
Aunt-"Well, Bobby, what do you
want to be when you growup?" Bob.
by remembering private seance in
the woodshed)-"An orphan"
When n fellow sits up halfthe night
with his girl in Northern Alaska he
has three months of bliss ut a
stretch. Nature is kind to lovers
near the north pole.
My son, hold, up your head and
tell Inc who was the strongest man?'
"Jonah." "Why sou cause the
whale couldn't hold him after lie had
got him down."
A lazy, over-fedlad, returning. from
dinner to his work, was asked by the
master he had no other motion
than that" "Yes,' replied the hoy.
drawing out each letter, "but it is
slowcr!''
Miss Travis-"Don't You think my
new dress is too sweet for anything"
Miss Dc Smith-"Oh, lovely, cxQuis-
lite! I do believe your dress-maker
could make n bean pole look grace
| ful!''
A little Burlington, VT, girl was
recently asked to name the most im-
portant production OF Vermont.
Unknown men who cmigratc to
other states and become famous, ="
was her reply. y. Tribune.
Young Wife-"rhe paper says
Rider Haggard finds that he can do
finer work when he alstains from all
animal food" Husband IA. reportcr)
-"Well, | believe could write better
if l knew there weren't any butchers
bills coming in"
Indolcnt husband-"How true it
is, Mary, that the hand that rocks
the cradle is the hand that rules the
world" Weary wjfc-"Ycs, and it's
the hand that splits the wood and
~, ,os II, tho ro,,1 owl r1,,,, ,,.s. %l, ,,,,
ter"
Caller-Is Mr.. Jones in! The new.
servant maid "a jewel of honesty
from the country)-Yes, sir; but he's
not we'll. He can't see you. "lIl, is
lie? l hope it's nothing serious. :"
"Not very serious; he's drunk, sir. -
Toronto Grip.
First kentuckian-Say, colonel,
there's q Mormon elder down the
road preachin' to Il crowd o. young
women, an singin''' "Would l We're
q Bird!' Second Kentuckian-Well,
] ken furnish the feathers. You get
some tnr to stick 'em OH"
A clergyman on II recent surtly
afternoon paused in his sermon, and
said: II saw an advertisement last
week for five hundred slce,ers for a,
railroad. ] think | could supply at
least fifty, and recommend them as
tried and sound"
1t is stated that Queen Victoria
has reduced her household expenses
S15O,O0O d year. 1t is suspected
that she has concluded to do her own
baking hereafter, instead OF buying
her bread at the buker's.-Norris.
town Herald.
Dealer Ito clerk)-"Wllat did that
young lady want, james," Clerk
"She asked for anatomical brussels
carpets, and l told her we hadn't
such n thing" Dealer-"GreatS Scott,
James, that young lady is from Bos-
ton! She wanted body brussels, and
we'vegot an overstock of 'em.'
The Emperor Of Germany has had
an abscess in his ear, and q great
deal of anxiety is caused among Eu.
ropean nations for fear lie will die. II
it was the Prince of Wales who had
an earacle the dudes in this country
would wear cotton in their ears from
sympathy and for style.
Little Boy: "P;lpa, why are rail
road tracks so safe in Winter and so
dangerous in Summer" Papa Ia
railroad president): "Why do you
think they are safe in Wintcr?" Lit
tie Boy: ooh, they must be because
You never go on tours of inspections
'cept in Summer, you know!"-Puck.
Lady Thyrareaiing cataloguc)
1.-Two dogs, after l4andsecr." lady
Mayca-"But where is landsecr? |
don't see him. Lady Thyra-"Why,
surely, you don't suppose he would
stay there with those two fnrocious-
looking brutcs after him. know I
shouldn't if ] We're in his place.
cob john" said tired minister's
wife one day to her oldest, WHO, like
all the others, was a boy, "wly were
you not Il little girl, SO that
you could help mammal Promptly
came the answer: because God
made me a little boy for His OWL
glory
The llandkerchicf,s History.