The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-12-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

The trump of fame often comes to
| man when it is too late IN the game to
do him any good.-Pack;.
Speaking of hunting, sewing-so-
| cieties are great promoters of dears
talking. -Pasburg Chronicle.
Does farming pay? o, yes; if you
| go at it right it helps to pay the inter-
est on the mortgage.-Pstck.
You say that drinking is one of
| your husbands failings?n F ailings?
o, no. 1t is one of his successes. p
Life.
It's not the coat that makes the man
its the name of the tailor on the lit
| tie tag at the back of the neck.-Ioled0
Blade.
She-What do you suppose supports
the vast arch of the heavens?n He
The moon-beams., l guess. "-LoceU
Citizen.
The man who said that he would
rather make the songs than the laws of
country had his eye on the lay of the
land.-Puck.
THE fine Italian hand,n SO much
discussed, is most frequently visible in
connection with the barrel-organ-
Washington Capital
The wise King said: go to the ant,
thou sluggardr In Florida the ant
saves the sluggard the journey. =
Florida Times Union.
Loafer-'' areyou? Just thought
I'd drop in while to kill time" Busy
| MAXWELL. we don't want any other
time killed. n-LdCrenee american.
Mrs. Tathill-'I saw your wife out
riding with another man this after
noon" Mr.. Tubbs (excitedly)-''Yo GU
did! Did they have my horse?"-Lye.
Jackson Mrs Henpeck tells me
she gained six pounds while she was in
the mountains" Henpeck - That's
nothing; l gained twelve while she was
away. life.
Teacher-"Anonymous means with
out name; write a sentence showing
| you understand how to use the word"
Small Girl (Nrites)-"Our new baby
is anonymous. Life.
Mrs. Watts-'What sweet child
your Willie is. He's a perfect little
angel, l think" Mrs. Potts-''No,
not quite. He takes after his father in
some ways. ''-Ierre Haute Express.
Caller Why don't you try Chris
tan science for Fido? You know how
much it did for our baby" Hostess
Yes; but l can't afford to fool with
the life of that dog. Why, he cost
$45."-Juc(ge.
Servant madam speak little
| lowerP" Mistress-''What is the mat
ter? Have any of the children been
| taken sick?' Servant-"No, ma am;
but this is the hour for Fido's alter
noon nap."-Judge.
Private Bullion of the Elite Guards"
-'.Ah, a uniform is the thing to catch
! the hearts Of the dear creaturest' His
| Valet-'Right you are, sor. l was on
| the pillace foorce meself, wanst. y
Ierre Haute Express.
Eight colleges have been built in
Kansas during the last year This sort
of thing will 90 on until the Suafiower
State will have to import all of its farm
hands and kitchen girls from Missouri
Kansas city star.
Mr.. Crankwrestle Il tell you l
can't stand this smell of cooking cab
bage in the house, Mrs. Crankwres-
tle-'1t isn't half so bad as | have to
put up with when you smoke it in the
house. "-IoUa Topics.
Johnny What did the minister
mean when he said something about
| place where thieves do not break
through and steal?' Sir. Dumpsey-
HE referred to your mothers dress
pocket. "-LGUre'oce Americca.
! Bjones-'How do you heat your
| house, Jsmith?' Jsmith-'.With hot
water" "Bjones = ''Why, L didn't
know there were any pipes in the
house" Jsmith-. Well, you knew 1
was married, didn't you?"-IInse.
Many a woman dusts billiard chalk
Off her husbands coat with big drops
of tears in her beautiful eyes, as she re-
fleets how hard and how late he has to
work at his desk close to that nasty
whitewashed wall. Richmond Recorder.
Mrs. Popinjay-'I see by the paper
that newly married pair in Michigan
are taking their bridal trip in a row
boat" Mr.. Popinjay-'H Huh! I'll bet
oar between them. -BuriinqtOn Free
Press.
Lady of the House-"No, l make it
principle never to give away money at
the door" Tramp - VERY well,
madam, if you have any feeling about
it, / am perfectly willing that YOU
should hand it to me out of the win
dow. '-Iate Record.
Chippie-''Y aas. Gladstone is a gweat
man but I'd wather be Dwight, dom
eherknow" Chappie-"John Dwight
is dead, deah boy ''Aw, l mean the
fellah who introduced Dwight disease,
The Pwince has taken it up, doncher-
w.n-Boston Times
John, bring me glass of hot
punch. > Servant bringing it) Il
think this is not quite hot enough, sir"
How do you know that? You must
have tasted It,. Indeed, no sir; /
would not do such a thing; l tried it
with my fingers. "-Fliege'ade Blaetter
The Rev. o, P. Ate-.fBrother Snor-
er, don't You think your influence
would be greater if you were to remain
awake during the sermon. Deacon
Snorer-..No, can't says do Parson.
The Good Book says, He giveth His
beloved sleep you know" . Toledo
| Blade.
How to invest money safely is the
question most people find of the great
| est interest" says an editor, who evil
| IDENTITY did not mean to pun; but he is
wrong. The question that most peo-
| pie find of the greatest interest is how
to get naone- to -Soneruille
| Journal
Mr.. Junior Feeling the necessity of
saying something pleasant on the way
TO the ballroom)-''Er, may l admire
that gown, Miss Plainfayce?" Miss
| Plainfayce-.'Ce Certainly, you may add
mire my clothes as much as you like"
Mr.. Junior-''O, of course it could 90
no further. Time.
A gentleman in the city whose wife
had intimated that he had acted in
certain matter from motives which
| were not wholly sanctifed said to her:
You should not suspect me in this
4