News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-02-21
AN ArH1Er1e1u Ode,


AN ATHLETIC uDE.
First MOI foh ath
Second Manikin-Dont say SO, oil
chappie.
First M.-Got to do it; doctah ordahs
it.
Second Watcher going in foh 2
First MI fnwncy will try rolling
my own cigarettes. America.
THE MARRIAGE IS OFF.
Raker Ito Miss Brown, who is aged
thirty-se en-, and as rich rs she is not
lovely)-Miss Eva, l lore you, 1 adore
you. Will you he mine?
Miss Eva (bIushing) Yes.
Raker-Oh, you dear old girl
CHANCE.
The reader who's in search of fame
May think the way is dark;
Yet the man who cannot sign his name
Is the one who makes his mark.
PLEASANT FOR THE POET.
"There is one thing about my poem, ,
said the poet. "the editor said it was
very compact"
81 think he must have meant that il
was like very wet SNOWFALL, rather
slushy, chi I"
THREE THINGS LACKING.
Bagley-Don't you think that Miss
Barrows has n pretty face, Clara!
Clara-She would have but for three
things.
Bagley-What are they2
Clara-A crooked nose, homely
mouth, and dull eyes. Miss Barrows'
ears are very pretty.-Harper's Bazar.
NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
"Speak French2 Well, I guess 1 do.
Do you suppose 1 lived in Paris five
years for nothingl"
''I didn't know. Judging from the
way you live with your wifes father here
l didn't know but what you did live in
Paris five years for nothing. ''-Bazar.
WHAT JOHNNY WOULD SAY.
"Now, Johnny" said the teacher,
"what Scriptural quotation would you
use if somebody should call Jimmy a
fool2 You remember, He that call
eth"
Johnny-Oh, I know. "The truth
should not be spoken at all times.-Bos-
ton transcript.
HAD FAITH IN THE HYMN BOOK.
A story is told of IN old clergyman
who had the most unsounded faith in
Watts t,5rtan f,aS w,Ss:.s--foEd of
page without finding an appropriate
hymn. A mischievous son of his
thought it would be o good thing to test
his fathers faith. So he took an old
song and pasted it on one of the pages
of the book, over hymn, so nicely that
it could not be easily detected. At
church one Sabbath morning the minis
ter happened to open on that very page,
and commenced to read "Old Grimes
is Dead" There was sensation in the
audience. He looked at the choir, and
they looked at him; but such was his
faith in Watts hymns that he under
took it again, commencing with the same
line. There was another sensation III
the audience. Looking at it again, and
then at the congregation and OF the choir,
he said: "Brethren, it is here in regular
order in Watts hymn book, and we will
sing it anyhowl"
HOME CONVERSATION.
"What makes you so late tonight
John?" asked his wife.
81 stopped at Tattersall's for little
while to talk horse; horses are cheal
now"
"Why don't you stay home and tall
horse? You know very we'll how anxious
Cara is for pony and phaeton. "-Nea
| York Stnl.
PRETTY CLOSE.
Madeleine. Wasn't it hot at th'
Johnson's last nightl Fred johnson anG
/ had TO go out on the piazza, the al
! got so close"
Marguerite (pleasantly)-"Didn't tn
heir get pretty close out there, too"
ACCIDENTAL.
She had just returned from Switzer
land, and was full of the spirit of tha
land of upheaval.
| GLOW terrible it must be to fall int
crevasse!" remarked an interested
listener. "Did anything of the kim
| occur while you were thcre?'
t'Not that ] know of, was the naiv
| reply. "But mamma had slight at
tack of Roman fever, and fell into
trance at Naples. Time.
POINTED MORAL.
"We should never complain, what
ever may befall us, said the minister
"The moment We grow dissatisfied w
become unhappy"
"Do you really think so?" she sighed
Eyes" returned the good man; 18th
first woman who d7rffnTfafFsuT OF her Lo
was turned into pillar of salt. "-L!tt
REVENGE is SWEET.
Hawkins (entering his friends ROOF
suddenly)-Are you crazy, John9 VIII
on earth are you whirhng that police
mans rattle?
Hogg-Getting even with the ne
boarder next door He's practicing O
type writer.-J"dge.
NOT A DANGEROUS OCCUPATION.
Stranger Ito life insurance agenD-
believe | will take out q policy in you
company.
Agent-Your business, please2
Stranger-I am detective.
Agent-The premium will be fifty p,
cent. less than the regular list. TT
death risk ON detective is mere,
nominal.-PiOneer Press.
THE CHARM BEGINS TO WORK.
Edith DO you think that Emf
Thumpitt is going to make a success
her type-writing
Maud-Should'n mt wonder. They So
that her employer goes home every ds
with very thoughtful and absen
minded ar.
STRATEGY.
Vera Wiley-Tm afraid it would
better not to speak to Papa Just ye
Jack. Wait until next week.
Jack Dorr-But why.
{ Vera WiIey-My milliner's bill will
t in then, and he may look upon yo
suit with moro favor.
AFRAID OF BU RGLARs.
: Mrs. Uptown Flatte is so afraid
= burglars that she never lets down
folding bed at night without looki
y under it for a man. Puck.
THOUGHT HE WOULD DO.
The Funeral Director-Weil, sir 2
9 Mr. Tholp-My sister promised
> pay the parlor organ for the choir, b
r