The western sentinel. [volume] (Winston-Salem, N.C.) 1887-1926, 1889-10-03
"COUSIN SALLY DILLARD"
THE RICHEST NORTH CAROLINA
SKETCH EVER WRITTEN.
Lawyer Chops Wrestles With a Witness
For Evidence in a N. @. Court Room,
But is Badly Frustrated,

IHE SENTINEL can present moth.
ing to its readers this week that is
more interesting or amusing than the
sketch of a backwoods courtroom
scene in North Carolina 1t was
written years ago by. Col. Ham Jones,
of Charlotte, and has delighted thous-
ands by its quaint, homespun flavor.
Like goa wine, though, it gets better
with age and will always warrant its
reproduction.
A beardless disciple Of Themis rises,
it please your Worships, and you,
Gentlemen of the Jury, since it has
been my fortune (good or bad, 1 will
not say) to exercise myself in legal
disquisitions, it has never befallen me
to be obliged to prosecute so direful,
marked and malicious an ASSAULT
more willful, violent, dangerous bat
tery-and finally, more diabolical
breach of the peace, has seldom hap
pened in civilized country; and I
dare say it has seldom been your duty
to pass upon one so shocking to benev
olent feelings, as this which took place
over at Captain Rice's, in this county
But you will hear from the witnesses.
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three were examined and deposed.
One said that he heard the noise, and
did not see the fight; another that he
saw the row, but didn't know who
struck first; and third that he was
very drunk, and couldn't say much
about the skrimmage.
LAWYER CHoPs. [ am sorry, gen
tlemen, to have occupied your time
with the stupidity of the witnesses ex
amined 1t arises, gentlemen, alto
gether from misapprehension on my
part. Had [ known, as l now do,
that had witness in attendance who
is we'll acquainted with all the cir
able to make himself clearly under
stood by the court and jury, l should
not so long have trespassed on your
time and patience. Come forward,
Mr.. Harris, and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, fat,
shuffy old man, "leetle' corned, and
took his oath with on air.
CHOPS. Harris, we wish yoa to cll
all about the riot that happened the
other day at Captain Rice's; ami rs
good deal Of time has already been
wasted i'll circumlooution, we wis h you
to be compenlious. and at the same
time us explicit as possible
HARRIS. Alzactly (giving the
lawyer knowing wink, and at the
same time clearing his throat). Cap
tain Rice, he gin treat, and cousin
Sally billiard, she came over to our
house and axed me if my wife she
moutn't go. l told cousin Sally Dill
lard that my wife was poorly, being
as how she had a touch Of the rheu-
matics in the hip, and the big swamp
was i'll the road, and the big swamp
was up, for there had been a heap of
rain lately; but howsomever, as it was
she, cousin Sally billiard, my wife she
mout go. Well, cousin Sally billiard
then axed me if Nose he moutn't go.
l told cousin Sally billiard that Nose
he was the foreman of the crap, and
the crap was smartly in the grass; but
howsomever, as it was she, cousin
Sally billiard, Nose he mout GO
CHoPs. In the name of common
sense, Mr.. Harris, what do you mean
by this rigmarole
WITNESS. Captain Rice, he gin a
treat. and cousin Sally billiard she
came over to our house and axed NE
if my wife she moutn1 go? l told
cousin Sally billiard
CHOPS. Stop, sir, if you please
we don't want to hear anything about
your cousin Sally billiard and your
wife. Tell us about the fight a,
Rice's.
WITNESS. Well, Twill, sir, if you
will let me.
CHOPS. Well, sir, go on,
WITNESS. Well, sir, Captain Rice
he gin treat, and cousin Sally Dill
lard she came over to our house ana
axed me if my wife she moutn't go
CHOPS. There it is again. Witness
please to stop.
WITNESS Well, sir, what d., yo'
want
Chops. We want to know abou
, the fight, and you must not procee'
in this impertinent story Do yo
hhoW al Iuiho oOcue 1iiO hisA1eSi ~
, fore the court?
WITNESS. To be sure l do.
l, CHoPs. Well, so on and tell il
, and nothing else.
, WITNESS. Well, Captain Rice h
gin treat
t CHOPS. This is intoierable. Ma
r it please the Court, / move that th
! witEcss be committed for contempt
he seems to be trifing with this cour
COURT. Witness, you are now bs
< fo:ce court Of justice, and unless yu
n behave yourselt in a more beconin
1 manner, you will be sent to Jail; :
5 begin and tell us what you know abo,
e the fight at Captain Rice's.
II WITNESS, ALARMED Well, gel
t tlemen, Captain Rice, he gin Il tres
5 and cousin Sally billiard
t CHOPS. hope the witness may
i ordered into custody.
!, COURT latter delibera,ing.] NJ
y |. Attorney. the Court is of the opini,
. that We may save time by telling vi
is ness to go ON ii, his own way. Proce
& Mr.. Harris, with your story, but stit
r. to the point.
! WITNESS. Yes, gentlemen. We
Captain Rice, he gin a treat land CO