The Globe-republican., 1889-11-13
HONEST CARL puNpER.
Tho Old Fellow Is Catching On to Amer.
lean Ways at Last.

OONcSi GAIL OONOER.
Tho Old Fellow Is Catching On to Amer.
| lean Ways at Last.
F! "Hello! Mr.. Dunderr' saluted Sergeant
Bendall as that individual entered the
Central station, with broad, satisfied
smile on his countenance,
''Hello! Sergeant. Was eaferythings
all right NIT your
Il guess so. You look happy"
T Sergeant, Ivhas shust like sweet oil.
No more troubles for me. vhas catch
ing on to do shust like Americans"
II am glad of that. You used to be
terribly green"
so vhas. Three months ago dosn
know some beans in bag. Ha! ha!
Der cows come along und take me for
some grass. If it rains 1 shtandt right
out doors und get wet. Ha! ha! 1t
makes me laugh when see how green I
vhasr'
Anything happened lately?" queried
the sergeant, in a careless way.
"Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try
to beat me, but dey doan' make QUOT.
vhas too sharp for 'em. One Teller comes
along NIT six pairs of sheep-shears in a
bundle. He doan' want to sell dose
shears. but he likes to borrow three dol
lars for one day und leaf 'em for secur-
ity. If he doan' come pack in one day
dose shears vhas NINE"
81 see."
"He doan' come pack. Maybe he
break his leg or something, but dot vhas
nothing to me. keep dose shears. If
somepody beats me, sergeant, he shall
hat to get oop VERY early in der morn
ing"
81 presume. SC. Have you the shears
there?"
81 hat. I belief you like to see EN-"
'They are worth two shillings pair, ="
said the sergeant, after an inspection.
''You are out of pocket fourteen shill-
ings, and what do you expect to do with
sheep-shears?'
''Heafens! 1 doan' think of dot!''
gasped Mr.. Dunder as he grew white in
the face.
''Any thing else?'
"Vhell, l get my life insured. Idoan'
belief vhas sheated by dot. A Teller
comes along und says vhas 1 Carl Dun
der? vhas. Well, der President of
der United States says he likes me to
call on you and insure your life. Dis
vhas new company und a new idea.
let you in by der ground floor. l like
your name to influence odder people.
".How vhas dot new idea?
SVnp nav Op1u fu-o 6o11orc foru
twenty years, and if you die your wife
gets $4,000. 1t vhas der biggest thing
out. Shildrens cry for it. Vanderbilt,
Shay Gould, Russell Sage und all der
big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you
vhas-whO vhas your grandmother-how
many teeth have you lost oudt-vhas
you eafer bit by come dogs-did you eater
own white horse-how often you fall
down stairs-dO you ride on some bicy-
cles, und dis yhas der truth, der whole
truth, und nothing but der truth"
''And he wanted the two dollars in aG-
vance?" queried the sergeant.
''Of course: Dot was to pay for
shwearing me-"
swell, you are beaten again, Mr.. Dun
that way. Good day"'
GLOW you mean?"
''You had better go homo. Have you
got tub in your hOuse?"
''Of course"
ANY bran at the barn?"
eyes"
''Well, make the tub about half full
of mash and then put your head to soak
for about forty-eight hours. When
through buy some No. sand-paper and
polish it down TO the bone"
Sergeant, vhas some greenhorns:'
ssYOu are"
"Vhill eater learn something's"
"Never.'"
''Then, goodbye! I shan't try no
more. 1t vhas a queer country, und
nothing vhas der same two times alike.
When my body was brought in here
doan' make fun of it. Shust use it shent-
~ und say dot did SO we'll ash could"
Detroit Free Press.