Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-10-31
STUFF AND NONSENSE.

FooD for thought - brain nourish
ers.
A sHADowED life-followed by de-
tective.
IRON bars are the most reliable sori
of appearance bonds.
The pugilist ascends the ladder oj
fame round by round.
A PHILADELPHIA bootblack meets
the russet shoe fad half way with the
sign, "Boots blacked yellow"
"NEwspApER men have right to be
proud" Well-yes. Handling paste
pot is apt to make 'em Il little stucb
up.
TRAVELLER lin Ireland il don't see
how it is you people keep in such good
humor. Irishman-Sure We do nivei
have enough to ate to get bilious.
"YEs," admitted the visitor, when
the proud mother exhibited her baby
"he has his fathers nose, but don't
worry. 1t may not be always that red
MAMMA QUEER Ito her little SON.
There, now, don't bother me; I'm busy
Go and play with the old cat. Tom mmy
Queer-Why, mamma, that's what the
nurse said to papa yesterday.
Charley, why don't you pro.
pose to the Widow Green's daughter!
She's rich and is regarded as the pearl
of her sex. Charley-I know it, my
boy, but dislike the mother of pearl.
A TERRIBLE burden: Clara-What
terrible noise that wagon makes
George-Yes; it's dreadful, isn't it:
"What makes it groan so, George?'
"Why, it is filed with green apples.
Doctor SoUILLs-There is nothing
serious, sir; your wife has merely bit
little skin off the end of her tongue
Mr.. Henpeck-End of her tongue
Great Scott L didn't know there was
any end to it.
"DARRINGER, what's become of the
friend I've seen you with for a week ?"
"I cut him. His name is Hava-
drink, and every time l called him that
he said Il don't care if do He was
too expensive"
| JUDGE Ito police officer)-Are you
sure, sir, that the prisoner was drunk
Officer-Is it dhrunk, your honor?
Shure af he nd sphoke through the
tiliphone the BIRTH Nv i'm I'D av made
the poles shtagger
DRUG CLERK (briskly)-Insect pow
der? Yes, ma'am. Here's some Swed
ish insect powder that's highly recom-
mended. Customer don't know
whether that will answer. Mine are
plain American insects
CHIEF Ito industrious clerk in govern
ment office)-Why didn't you dot the
81" in the last word of your report last
night. Industrious clerk-I beg your
pardon; but the clock struck just at
that point, and L didn't care to work
overtime.
FIRST DRUMMER-Last week l took
the biggest order of the season. Second
Drummer--I don't believe word of it,
First Drummer-lou don't, Ell? Well,
perhaps you'll believe this triumphant
ly producinga paper). Here is letter ]
just got canceling it.
"YoUNG man," said minister to
member of his congregation "do you
| know what relations you sustain in this
world?" "Well, just at present the only
relation ] am sustaining in this world
is my father-inlaw, but you can just
gamble on it l am not going to sustain
him very long," was the reply.
LAST Sunday evening an East Side
widow, who was known to the entire
congregation to be greatly in want OF
a husband, was praying with great fer
vency. "Oh, thou knowest the desire
of my heartl" she exclaimed. "A
MANI" responded brother, with
broad accent. "Thy will be donep
exclaimed the widow, amid snicker
from the congregation.
| BEAUTY AND HER BEAST.
| 20, Jack, dear Nell's engaged, l hear;
They say to such II bear.
1t seems an awful sacrifice,
| And she young and fair.
| 1t her first season. but perhaps,
| Mamma made her say yes.
| He's awful rich but such q bear.
| What's that? You say you guess
| I've got some rather strange ideas?
| He s not Il bear, but tall,
| Handsome and young. What do you
mean?"
| "A Wall street bear that's ALL"
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