Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-09-20
FLASHES OF FUN.

ATRAE Of Thought George Francis.
DRUeaIsTs never lack common
scents
IT is no sign that a hen meditates
harm to her owner because she laws for
nina.
A BooTLEss attempt-To get up
stairs without being heard by your
wife.
HE stood not On the burning deck.
No flames around him spread,
But his case was lurid inst the same,
For the hair of his girl was red
TIE mother of the modern girl says
her daughter is like a piece Of cheap
calico: she won't wash.
@TAKE back the heart thou gavsst
me, as the man said when he drew
one when he wanted a club to fill.
"How CAM get ahead ?" asked duh
farmer boy of q pesslmist. By raising
cabbages, was the consoling reply.
"How DID you like the sermon to-
day?" well, it was such a nod dis
course that 1 slept through the whole
of it.
who tore up my garden In this style 2
it, with her little scratch it.
A YOUNG man who gets the oppor-
tunity to go see his best girl only on
the evening Of the first day of the week
Is strongly opposed to the prohibition Of
the Sunday press.
MoCoRKLE-It's queer that none of
these railway robbers are women. Mrs
McCOrkle indignant And
why? Because they know so well how
20 hold up a train"
%HOw DO you like my new necktie %
asked George of Mabel. ooh, very
well "Don't you think it's bec0m-
ing? ?" eyes, George; it is becoming
soiled very rapidly"
The pastors wife-Dr. TaIkweu ex-
changes with my husband next Sun
day. ThOughtIess parishioner - In
deed Perhaps 1 can persuade my hus-
band to come to church.
BOSTON heiress-I am afraid it is not
for me, but my money, that you come
here so often. Ardent wooer-YOu are
cruel to say. so. How can 1 get your
money without getting you?
The young man who stands on the
sidewalk in front of his sweetheart's
| residence late at night, singing my
! Souls at the Gate, will find her pas
sole at the gate if he doesn't watch
out.
Mrs. JEPsON-What poor-spirited
creature you are. JehieI. I wish you
/ would be either man or a mouse. Mr..
/ JepsOn-I wish / was q mouse. I'd
make you climb the bedpost in holy
/ minute.
BEEJoNEs - Well, wife, Sam, our
| prodigal son, is coming home Shall
! we kill the fatted calf? Mrs. B. Gre
| hecting)-NO, Perhaps it would be less
/ expensive in the long run to kill the
/ prOdigal.
BUFFALO BILL is greatly angered
/ because the authorities of Paris insist
ed upon vaccinating all the members
! of his Wild West Show. Col. Cody
regards the matter as a very scabby
! proceeding.
| Merritt-If you keep on, Johnnie, you
/ will soon know as much as your teach
en- Little JOhnnie-Td know as much
now if L had the book before me like
she does.
IT is the fellow whose wife obiges
him to stay at home and do the churn-
ll4S Wien l16 " 1lAb6 " ~ 10 u14G CLLG1Eg
who inveighs the most bitterly against
the One~man power. He prefers dog
! power on the churn.
TRAVELLER on Mississippi steamer
What makes you have the bar in the
center? Why don't you have it on the
side, out of the way? BOokkeeper-
Well, we would, but you see it Won't
do to have too many passengers on one
side of the boat.
MINNIE What do you think? Mr.,
Goodcatch's watch stopped while he
was calling on me last Sunday evening,
and he staid until after u. Mamie
heard him say yesterday that your face
would stop a clock, but never dreamed
he had any grounds for making such a
remark.
The Modern Babel.