The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-12-01
BRIGHT BITS

Az APPROPRIATE NAxx--Jonss-say Browne.
| why co you call your eidest boy Telephonef
BrorEe-Because he never worE.-The
| Epses-
AND what is thiss' asked the visitor.
This Is Wan street Il IS the most cele-
brsted Of AL our American watering places"
'Fa-ncyr'-The EDoch-
Coal DEAIKE-I have investigated your com
paint, and ind you got your full ton Of coal.
| That's the way il is
Cuscomer-Ars you really sure that there are
no two weighs about it:-Is1as SJtiags-
QUITE UxxEcEssARY.-.'Dear Son: 1 hear
with terror that typhus fever has broken out in
your town on account Of the bad drinking
water. In heayen's name doa't drink any
water. Your anxious mother. "-FIie0ende
Batter.
JTDGE-Rsmember, you are sworn to tell the
truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
| truth.
Witness from Chicago)-Judge. I'm q
stranger to your ways, but il you'll explain
what you mean III do my Philadelphia
Inquirer.
EASILY DECIDED PAT1EST-what have got.
doctort
Young Physicisn,-I can't tell exactly
whether il is rheumatism or spalpox. but We
been called In 70 see man with the smallpox,
and when l see what he looks like III come
back ana tell you.-Lffe.
CHICAGO DETECTIVE (pcking up a crowbar at
=
the firm that made this crowbar.
Chief-Nhy, what sort Of case can we get
against them?
Detective-Ain't they guilty Of issuing a
forged instrument !-Epcbdnge.
A QUIET LocALTTY-Philadelphia Mother
Susie. what Is that awful noise.
Susie (in Mortified accentl-Willie is dropping
pins on the pavement.
Philadelphia Mother William Penn, come
right in the house this instant! am surprised
Do you want to disturb the whole town?-Pxck.
"PooR?' said Jones to a young man who was
was complaining of his lack of worldly goods
'Of course. But think of the great men who
have come TO the city worth 80 cents and died
worth millions"
Yes" answered the wise young man, ''but 1
would rather come to the city worth millions
and die worth so cents. Life.
FOND MorHER-Don't you think Mary has
learned to play the piano remarkably well con-
sidering the time she has been taking lessons?
Fond Father-Splendid! She has learned it all
now, hasn't she!
Fond Mother-I reckon she has.
Fond Father-WelL then, let's sell the piano;
we've got no more use for it.-Americd.
ABOUT TINE 1T DID-City Cousin-How's your
father James?
Country Cousin.-Father isn't very we'll
City Cousin-He must be getting along in
years.
Country Cousin-Only SO last spring.
City Cousin-What seems TO bs the matter
with him?
Country Cousin.-Can't just say; / guess
Earnings beginning to tell on him.-Tfnle.
THOUGHTFUL PARENr-Henry. why will you
consent to be goodfor nothing all your life!
Henry-But, father, can't get anything, to
do ana you know I've tried hard enough.
Thoughtful Parent-Nonsense! Your chances
are as good as your brother Johns Twoyears
ago he hadn't cent TO his name What did he
do? Why. he just went TO work starting frater-
nal insurance societies. and now hook at him
he's worth fifty thousand if he's worth dollar.
Boston Transcript.
SMrH-whAt are you loaflng around town at
this time OF night for2
Brown--'Fraid to 60 home. Wife, told me to
be sure and remember something, and I've for
gotten what it was.
Smith-It wasn't dry goods or groceries,
was it?
Brownie.
Smith-Baby food, tacks or theater tickets?
Brown-No; but-darned if 1 haven't just
thought of IL.
Smith-What was it?
Brown-She wanted me to remember to come
home early.-ErchGnge.
WANTED INFoRMArIoN.-It wasn't so many
years ago here in Detroit that two men were on
trial for assault and battery. The evidence was
plain and conclusive, and the justice and all
others believed that the jury would find a
verdict in five minutes They didn't, though,
being out a long two hours, and then ID was
the other five. DO you want TO ask for any
legal information on any particular point?''
asked his honor as the jury were brought IN. q:
Il do" answered the obstinate juror
go ahead
81 want to ask if it is right for me to convict
my own father and brother" And it rranspirSd
that they held that very relation to gnim.-De-