New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-08-25
THE SUMMER COMEDY.
PHASES AND TYPES OF LIFE IN THE VA
CATION SEASON.


of course, big hotel. Plenty OF gables, with some
sort OF wooden ruchlng around the caves. Queen
Anne abomination. Big piazza. Things on legs
and rockers which arc called easy, but which should
be called uneasy chairs. Big parlor; dark, stufy,
and containing peculiarly fer0cious piano NO
chair made to sit on and the sofas wheezy as to their
insdes Picture Of Washington crossing the Della
ware, and portrait of somebody nobody ever heard
of, done In watercoors, by somebody you never
want to hear Of. Battered Bible the centre
table, in which Smart Aleck infde has scrubbed
bit of and pointlcss inidelty. Hotel pro
vides paror for people TO meet in but they obsnatcy
stay away from t-al except the Woman who Crochets
and the Woman with the Pet Dog. TO the intelligent
reader: The latter woman patronzes tho parlor
because she knows the dog can do the most damage
there and she wants to get the worth Of her money!
The Office where all the men like TO sit and SMOKE
and consequently the place where the women may
be found during the few brief moments when they
not dressing, although they loudly declare that they
deest smoke. Artistic placards announcing tho ar
rival and departure of trains. Notice Of church ser
vices and Of sacred rattle tackled the cashiers
desk Telegraph office and news stand. Novels on
the news stand all warranted TO be unadulterated
trash or money Will be refunded. Smoking groom
off from the office, quiet place In which man by
any possibility ever smokes. The barrOom, mys-
FERROUS region down stairs, to which the send
for lemonade and where men go for cigars. They
are frequently heard laughing when down there,
probably because they get such go5r cigars. The
lawn tennis court, described In the prospectus as
vevety but In reality very hummOcky. The netting
would be all right except for several large rents
made by those imps the Whimwham boys whose
mother proudly declares that they perfectly
angelic, you know, but so full Of FUN" Trees on
the lawn, described in the prospectus as noble
monarchs Of the forest, affordlng abundance OF
shade" but in reality a few measly little sticks,
which Ii were base attcry call shrubs The guests
rooms, described in the prospectus as elegant large
rooms, handsomely decorated and furnished IN
reality about as large good-sized closet, with
rckety furniture and bed harder than the heart OF me
heavy villain Of Bowery melodrama.
The dramatis personae include, first, the stan OF
tho House The Landlord, by turns suave diplomatic
and unbending; his countenance prey TO conflicting
emotions inspired at once by a hope that the rch
Jones family will they have promised, ana by
fear that the equally rich Smith family VIII leave
as they have threatened. The Clerk. glorious and
rcsourefu being with bang and cured mustache, and
his smile like Hyperion, and his frown like unto that
Of Jove, and his skill in warblins Front" and his
diplomacy in standing guests off, and his delicate
blending Of respect and familiarity In talking with all
the pretty girls. The Head Waiter having the look
of owning the earth and the fulness thereof with the
eye of general and the walk OF a drum major; gifted
with rare prescicnce in "sizng people up, and cap
able of feeling a lofty when guest goes away
without seeing" him. (Footnote Woe be unto that
guest II he ever enters the domnlons of that head
waiter agalnD Then may be mentioned in brief the
walters who frequently make you walt, in order that
you may know how it is yourself; the chambemald,
who gives you damp rags and calls them towels the
bellboy whose terms are a dime trip, cash down. and
no trust the porter who after delivering your trunk
declares, " Be gobs, there must be rare sight o.
gooh in that thrunk; for it's heavy Oirish-
mans conscience before he goes to confession"
Cash price Of this speech, o5 cents The barber, with
the implements of torture, who sneers at the way In
which them city BARRIERS cut your hair. And last
OF all the orchestra which the guests camored be-
fore II came, but whose music they now avoid like
pestilence.
Then, the Guests. Place danes. OF course.
The bevy of Piazza Girls, atured I'm smiles and Worth
costumes each with a Plan of Campaign carefully
mapped by Dear Mamma: very fetching, and very
gracious when the right young around The
Belle OF the House, with reputation a breaker of
mems hearts; surrounded at all times by a guard Of
honor, composed of very young men in blazers, who
frequently exclalm, Bah JOve :" and Ged ~ some.
times icy in her hauteur, sometimes cOndescending
as to be a bit slangy when with the men," but
always guarding with jealous care the approaches to
her throne OF bellcdom. Then there IS the Woman
Who Thinks the Hotel is Not What 1t Used to Be, and
who pratles about the gories Of past seasons when
OI
bcrs They are in Europe now, and she is here only
because dear John does hate 10 go to new places
rou know. Then there is the Encyclopedias. who is
perfect mine Of useless information In regard TO tho
hotel and It's guests. She Informs you that the land
lord the money at poker last winter which he was
to have used in building wing the hotel, and
tells you how the clerk jcd'a girl last season The
Rhinesones she says, needn't put on so much style,
because It isn't many years since Mrs. rhinestone
ia nd hon my oap
Of the dreadful way I'm which that Shadroe girl carried
On with young Gilyfower the piazza last night
Why she actually-and on and And have
you noticed how shabbily the Brownsmths dress this
seasonl They say all Brownsmith's money now
goes support his daughter, who married an English
nobleman last year. There is also the Woman who
Boasts of the Blue Blood. She married old Josiah
Chugg the richest the street, but frequently
in the Office she thanks God in loud tone of voice.
that she was born dc Montmorency. Always, and
at all times she the theory that the hotel has
been opened, aud Is run, for her sole benefit and
frequently complains ibnH % Te S Sbeb terms she
des gnaes the other guests because they dare to Nv,
a. a hea fogS me Woman Mo THINKS that
Everything is Horlid, the Woman Who Keeps Her
Children in Perdu, In order mat she may pose as
Men are such Grand Creatures, and grshnSly wishes
that she was one the Woman Who Regards Men as
with an ANOMALY Developed a. Bump Of tb o~Fs0S aS
{" Some Day on the slightest provocauon. 80 >,
Last Of ALL enter the men, Nozzle. the rch ola
bachelor who spends ali his time in pacing up ana
down the office, looking az the notices and reading
back number magazines. has look o.
were counting the days Of his Punishment The Men
Who have Come for the Fresh Air, and spend all their
time IN the badly ventilated billiard room In tle
basement The Man With Views 10 the way IN
which hotel should be run: The Old fellow VINO
tries 10 be a dude, big cork helmet hat SNOWY nanncl
shirt gorgeous sash and russell shoes. The Man
who is Ill and won't acknowledge It. and the Man
| Who is Perfectly Well and imagnes himself to be
| M The man who Is always getting mp pcnics ana
excursions the man with a reputation as masher.
The Piazza Cub young noisy, imperfinent, supicmely
| conscious that he knows Il all and bllssf1lly un
aware Of the fact that he Is general nuisance Inc
man who is negge TO the verge OF sloucAlness. inc
man who Is always remarking thar OF course YOU
can't expect anything better outside Of New York sr;
! Tho rich and handsome young man, OF whose fast
| lie the girls speak in whispers but upon whom
| they smile very sweetly, nevertheless The sold