Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-12-12
6uRDEHE.s MUSINGS.


What the Humorist Heard and Saw ON .
Railroad Train.
Brakemen on train other day, one at
each end of car. Never called stations
alike. Never called stations, in fact.
Tried to. may be, but missed it. Whistle
shrieked. front brakeman looked in.
roared Estate Journal! State Journalr'
Wondered why town named after news
paper; must be type of American town.
Rear brakeman looked in; yelled ssWait,
womanF Woman standing up to go out
fell into seat like shot. Train slowed
up at station; read name over door
'sNatrona."q 80
Young man gets on at HARRISBURG.
Breezy man; two grips, one large, one
small. Turns seat for himself. Put
high slick shiny silk hat in rack. Puts
umbrella and cane with peacemaker
handles in rack. Puts on silk travelling
cap. Removes shoes, puts on ALLIGATOR
slippers. Takes off coat; takes lounp-
ing jacket from large valise; puts on.
takes cigar from bran new case
and sticks it in mouth. Isn't in
smoking car, SO doesn't light it:
merely advertises fact that has it. Opens
book; looks too sweet and comfortab bic
for any thing. General impression
among all women in car that young man
is Old Traveller from Roverville, Wan
der County, this State. Commercial
traveller curling up for nap remarks, in
low tones, audible from sleeper to
smoker-''First Trip" Every body
laughs. Young Oldtraveler, of Wander
County, looks naughty and uncon-
cerned Train pulls out. Conductor
comes along-great CONSERVATION
young MIR. Oldtraver on wrong train
wants to go to Philadelphia-this train
howllng along to Pittsburgh-first regu-
lar stop Huntington. Bell-rope pulled
Young man scoops his things together
dumped out into the yards near Rock
port. Has company of yard men, freight
brakemen and switchmen, while he
dresses. Pleasant men; much given to
light raillery and badinage. Know the
young man had pleasant time with
them. Know also he will leave some
things home next time he travels.
Every body young once.
Family party get on at Bellwood.
Mother and little boy in one seat;
father and little girl in other Mother
warns husband-'Now be sure, don't let
ANCeoAS So 10 steep. Gays ne won e.
Gentle sound as of snoring in high KEY
with atmospheric disturbances, accom-
panied by childish snuff1es. Father
sound asleep: Nettie sound asleep in his
arms. Mother jabs boy viciously two
or three times, as he mods. Finally
drops off herself. Head hangs back over
seat. Hat falls off in my lap. Hate to
put it on floor. Hold it best | know
how, blushing painfully, conscious of
awkwardness. Giggling girls in next
seat. Know they are laughing at me,
but hate to look around. 'Fraid cat.
Altoona" Takes two brakemen to
waken family. Woman looks angrily
and with dark suspicion in glance at
me as takes hat from me. Evidently
wants me to understand she thinks took
it off her head with intention of keeping
it. No difficulty at all in understanding
look. Turns, reproachfully, to husband
-''Oh, George! After all l said you let
Nettie go to sleep. How could you?' L
cast glance of sympathy tow lrd George
as he passes out, knowing he will get
my share of grafton. Doesn't seem to
mind it.
Powerful tired of railway travel. Six
days week on wheels not travel: BUSH
ness. Roar and rattle, crash and bang
never out of head: jolt and jar, and jump
and swing, with noise thrown in. fairly
maddening. No fun. Nice enough one
day, hard work every day for five months,
Told manager this year, charge $50
extra for all banquets after lecture.
Much harder work to attend banquets
than to lecture. Man rides from six a.
m. to 7:15p. m. talks two hours-full day.
Banquet no fun. Banquet Business.
Same way with Seeing few friends aft
er lecture" Much rather see devil.
More entertaining: not so fatiguing.
Railway going not travel, anyhow.
Simply transportation. Picks you up in
Brooklyn, sets you down in Chic ago.
That's all. Transportation isn't travel
ing. Steamboat nice way to travel. But
rivers don't go everywhere. Miss heap of
scenery by clinging to river. Stage, too,
dusty and rough. Ideal travel, route
and mode-canal. No reckless speed.
Get tired of boat, jump off on tow path
and walk. Fond of excitement. help
boy drive mules. Great scheme: more
canals: railroads all freight lines: trans
portation of pigs and people in great
hurry. Canal boat for leisure class and
sshupper suckles." Ever carried into eff
feet hope to have boat named after m e.
Robert j. Burdette, in Brooklyn Eagle.