Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1889-09-02
A JOKE ON ClERGYMEN.

How n Newspaper Man Upset . Carful It
Preacher In Washington.
1t is wrong to play jokes on the clergy,
ard only very sinful people ever do it. There
= is an ex-newspapsr man, well known on the
Row who wears the smuggest face the min
isterial air aud the most clerical spectacles OF
any man in the business During q recent
convention. which drew several hundred
,lergymen to Washington, Mack that isn't
lis name, got into a Fourteenth street car
ull OF ministers, stumbled half WY up the
isle, and caught the eye Of fellow news
,aper man.
why. Brother Thompson how do you
ioF he exclaimed, grasping his hand and
shaking it effusively, Mack sat across the
aisle and started a running conversation
which could he heard all over the car.
LET me see, Brother Thompson; haven't
seen you since the triennial conclave at Chau-
rauqua in 1874 How is your Buffalo charge
getting alongs How is Mrs Thompsoni Did
you get your salary raisedl NOT That Is too
bad did. | worked my congregation nice
~ | had a friend in Cleveland who Is on
the staff Of a secular newspaper, and he was
INSCRIPTIONS enough to work up boom for
me there until received an offer Of $500.
OF course my congregation wasn't going to
lie outbid-ha, ha-and they saw that q, 900
and went them 81 600 better That was In
May, one year ago"
The whole car was attention by this time,
and Mack was the focus Of thirty pairs Of Gu
rious eyes
Along in June | sat for my portrait.
get ~ per cent. gross on those, you know.
What do you geti Nothing, Oh, dear,
Brother Thompson, you really neglect your
opportunities. Let me see | received from
the church fair proceeds alone last year-tthe
amount was lost in whisper. But these
portraits were very bad They made me
look thin and careworn sent four dozen
Of them around to the dear ladies', and 1t
would have done your heart good to see how
they worked and raised $500 to send their
pastor of to Europe. | hear you are think
ing Of taking new charged Is it sol Want
to have a chance to work over your old SER
mons Been eight years in one placei Well,
1 don't blame you. can't very we'll You
see have made good many investments In
my city, and it would necessitate too many
sacrifices to break the old ties. Still there
are other ways. succeeded in negotiating
an exchange Of 80 sermons for an admirable
series by DR.. Scott, of San Francisco. The
good man was much pleased at the exchange
There, there, oh, dear, dear. I have just
called to mind that family which has been
in my church for ten years has just moved
to San Francisco and is going to join Dr.
SCOTS church They may remember those
sermons. Oh. dear: it may make trouble for
DR.. Scott"
Mack chuckled and poked brother Thomp
son" in the ribs with his umbrella 1t was q
rainy day.
Where is your umbrella. Brother Thomp-
soni Is that it, That's not the sort Of UNI
brella you ought to have Look at mine
The finest of silk and an elegant silver handle
don't know whether you ever noticed, but
I always have nice umbrellas You see,
mine is a fashionable church and there arc
always a good many strangers at divine SER
vice. | have an arrangement with the sex
ton to pick out on rainy Sundays the best
umbrella left in the vestibule and put it
away for me. The regular pewholders al
ways take theirs into the pews and only
strangers leave umbrellas in the vestibule, 70
l never have any trouble about umbrella
All, here is my street. Good-by. Brother
Thompson Come and see me when you can.
GOod-by."
A babel of whispers ran around the car
and indignant glares followed the pseudo
clergyman. One venerable party came down
to brother Thompson and, notebook in
hand, asked the name Of that clergyman"
Brother Thompson struck his forehead with
his clinched fist, but for his life could not
locate the laxative preacher, and to escape
croS-examination left the car at the next
20 hiupfon praf