Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-03-07

about 'em-turning away from eddeca-
shun and driftin' into whisky and idle
ness. Deed, sab, but it hain't so very
FUR back that some of the Nisbits were
hung for murder. For three ginerashuns
We haven't produced a Nisbit 1T to dodge
a skunk"
Yes, mighty bad lott" sighed the
wife as she held up her hands.
THAR was my grandpap," continued
the pioneer, as ne accepted plug of to-
baecO | advanced on the seven points of
sympathy. THAR was my grandpap.
He'un might hev been president of these
Yunised Stats jist as well as not, but he
was too burned lazy TO vote for hisself.
He was so mighty emery that cats and
dogs wouldn't stay with him, an so OPP
posed to work that if he fell into
swamp he'd stay right thar ontil sum-
body cum around to pull him out.
They wanted him to be guv'nor and
sheriff and lots of other things, but dog,
gone his picter to D8vy! he just wanted
TO sot and sot, and chaw and chaw, and
guzzle and guzzle, and he was too emery
to die till he was rising of ninety"
eyes, the pore critter!' sighed Mrs.
Nisbit.
"And thar was my pap" continued the
pioneer, as he lifted up one leg and got
both hands over the knee. char was
my pap, who might hev been the biggest
lawyer or doctor or preacher in these
Yunited Stats If he hadn't bin so slashin'
shuckless. All he wanted to do was to
sot and sot and sot, and drat his buttons
if he wouldn't wait for somebody TO pull
him out of rain storm! Durn him, he
knowed huff, but he hadn't no hustle to
him"
"The pore, emery soulw sighed Mrs.
Nisbit.
"And thar's me-" continued the man,
as he changed knees ana spit into the
wOodbOx. eyes, thar's me. I'm onery.
I'm lazy. I'm on the squat. Pm so dog
gone shuckless and mean that bars won't
eat me. I hain't got the ambishun to
swap nevis or make moonshine whisky.
The only good thing about me is the
feelin' that the name of Nisbit has been
rolled in the mud and drawed through
the muck till I've got ashamed of it. Yes,
sab, stranger, when you stopped at the
doah and Gxed if my name was Nisbit I
war ashamed to own it,"
eyes, he'un feels that way, dog-gope
him' said the wife.
Sand so you've got scheme?' I que
ried.
81 hev. The name of Nisbit has got to
be silver-plated agin and perch aloft on
the banner of-of-wall, she's got to
roost near the TOP of the tree. The day
has got TO cum when the Nisbits kin war
broadcloth and plug hats, and when mig
gers will bow down before 'em to the
dust of the airth."
'What is the scheme, if may ask?"
cts bringin' up them children TO
know suthin'. Yere Absolam, cum yere."
Ahsolam was boy of Is, and he toed
the mark without any hesitation.
"Absolam, who was the first man?"
"Adam."
"Whar' did he'un hang out?"
Garden of Eden"
"Who killed his brother?"
"Cain."
'Who slew GOLIATH"
David"
"That'l do. Go back to that 'tater
patch an work till I call ye. Ye see,
stranger, Absolam is TO be a preacher.
Pm bepdin' he'uns mind fe- it, an givin'
him the ground work. Jefferson come
forth'
jeff was year younger. he came to the
scratch, and was asked:
"Who's the highest man in these Yunit-
ed States?"
"The president"
glow are congriss composed?"
"Of senate and house.
"Who's the highest man in North
Carolina?"
"The guv'ner."
''That'I do. Go an dig roots till crib
bins time. He'un is to be a statesman,
stranger, an he's gittin' it down purity
fine. Cum here Thomas"
Thomas was about Ii and had been
on the wood-box.
Thomas, how many parties are
they?"
"Two-democrat and republican"
"What are the heaviestf"
"Remocrats."
Glow often can Teller voter"
"Only once"
"What's candidate?"
''Feller who runs fur Office"
"That'l do. And you kin go to the
later patch an hoe two rows. I'm gwine
to make he'un leadjn' politishun,
stranger. He's cIimbin like a young
BAR with dog under the tree, an the
day is comm when he'un will make old
North Carolina thrill. Gum yere you
Peter"
Peter was of uncertain age, with rags
enough for four boys of his age. He was
in the wood box, but he came out at the
call, evidently anxious to show off.
''Peter, what's good fur worms?" asked
the father.
"Jim weed and 'Iasses."
"What takes bile off the stomach"
HWild onion tea.o
"What cures fits?"
"Rubbin' with hot water"
"What cures cramps?"
"Whiskey."
"And dog-gone me if I've got drop
in the house! That'H do, Peter; you go'n
find that mewl and bring him home. I'm
gwine to make doctor of he 'un strang
er. Washing ION, over thar, is gwine to
be lawyer, Perry down to that drafted
two-head a-drinkin' out of the washdish,
who has got to be a steamboat capting,
or I'll hang his hide on the fence. What
dye think Of the schemeP"
Its good, but you have some girls
here"
$50 hev, but they've got to work in.
Arthusa, thar',i she's gwine ter paint pic
tiers. She'un don't want to, but drat her
long feet, she's got to. Jessamine, over
thar, she's gwine to write poetry. 1t
came material of her. Emily the next, is
gwine ter be a school teacher. Thar
haint one of the litter but what's got
unthin' fggered out fur him or her, and
IT'S in the straight line of bringin' the
name of Nisbit to the front. 1 may not
live to see the records stored up in the