New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-09-12
THE TALK OF TIE DAY.

"The Jewish Messenger tells story of /, ma
natured rabbi who had grown very deaf One d,v
he was asked TO make the address ct funeral Ana
in his ford manner began the introduction Tha.
he continued: "My dear friends, noble man h,.
departed The sexton tugged him by his gown ana
whispered, "A woman7 g. noble man hiss uor.
from earth' "A woman, a woman - was again Wits.
pered. a noble man has passed to life eternal,
A woman ~ was finally shouted in his ear and al,
went well afterward, but the soemnity was gone from
that funeral
Remembering Elevator Boy-I remember you ,ror,
the time you here before, miss " '""'
Miss Walkup-Why how IS that, I was at this
Elevator Boy-Yes, miss, but remember YOU
cause you didn't remember me when you lett
Thine.
1t is said that fifty things VIII frighten horse th,,
would not in the slightest degree disturb the serenity
Of calf All Of which goes TO show that the good
of the calf Is not sufficiently appreciated. The
poets go into raptures the horse but refuse "a
say word for the calf All this is wrong.
DE Pierson-Aw, old chapple, so It's all over 10
tween you and Miss Kate!
Fitz NOOdle-Yaas
dc Pieson-What was the cause1
Fitz Noodle-That beastly brat OF a brother put
red pepper on my .-(BInghamtOn Republican.
Now IS the time to buy monkeys, the prices arc
said 10 be very low.
Division of Labor-Natalie-Oh Mr. Decoury, An
tired of this frivolous life How fatiguns to sit and
hold ones hands all day
Mr.. Decouicy-Why not have one to hold
them for you l-tAlunsey's Weekly.
Jim White, of Memphis, recently thought II would b
very funny to write his and address on the back
Of a dollar bill. But of Pinkcrton's mem saw
it, and remembered that Jim was 4" wanted" Jim Is
therefore in jail with plenty of leisure TO kick himself
for bong so funny
A magazine writer says dragon-fies in a room viii
dos troy We
that tarantulas IN a room will capture tho dragonres,
and that rattesnskes viii drive out iarantulas The
occupants OF the house can desert their beds ana steep
on the roOf.-(NOnlstown Herald.
Here is Democratic opinion for you. "The 81.
Louis Republic declares that the Grand Army of tho
Republic is d" association of loafers, viewing
the counry's treasury with greedy eyes"
A South Eighh-st. propertyowner, who has COZ
nection with real estate interests In New York is
3 80 G levy in Scw-YorF Here" he said, such
full value but In New,York the assessment is scarcely
more than half what tho property would bring ia
$500. and is rated by the assessors at $1,000.
New-York residence for which my business partnes,,
must have an increase of taxes, all right but let
have done with the false plea that orr burdens
would sim be lighter in proportion than those which
NEWCOMERS have to caiy.H-C Philadelphia inquirer.
How docs The Democratic party stand on high
lcense'" asks unsOphistcaed correspondent
from the country 1t doesn't stand on high loenss
at ALL dear boy 1T just jumps on it with both feet
How big was alexander. pal. well. son. h.
like a plgmy If he had ever been stood up beside
Leon Albeit OF Eew.Jersey. If you don't believe
it, Just ask Mr.. Observation-Disclosures Press.
"If1 suggests The Hartford Courant," passengers
were required enter railroad at one end. say
the forward door, and to go out by the rear door,
each car would be filling it emptying there
would be no crOwdng and kicking and there
would be system. Time would be saved order estsb
llshed, and idea set up I'm travelllng.'
\ Chinese journal contains the astounding inteilI.
gcnce that A" In America, II man does not smoke or
drink he Is universally respected" IL IS strange
what erroneous ideas circulate about us In foreign
parts. Next thing we shall probably ead In the
Kamtchatka Sentinel the " Madagascar BulbuP
will be that the pIohibory law IS rgdly enforced In
Maine.-( Boston Transcript.
On recent holiday 500 men in the Birmingham,
England. wOrkhouse were allowed to go out for the
day. Only fifty returned sober.
When Greek Meets Greek.-Miss Tattail-Dont you
know what Mis-. Brown said about you yestenay
Mrs GOweezleNo, nor don't keer BUY 40 you
know what my old man said about you the other DAY
lie says when you git two or three years oiueI' ~,
that pryin nose Of yOurn meets that waggh chill s,
there'll be the dOggOnddest time on record. "hS'
Ye Amt gOn'! Well, call again soon, WONT so'-
Crene Haute Express.
A Western paper speaks of the Boston of John L.
sullivan and Oliver Wendell Holmes
The Reverse slde-Baldheaded and very homeiy ola
Gentleman to phOtOgrapher-Drat Such pictures Nsh
you make me look any better than that, aI'er h''
sittngs =, .,,uL D.,
Photographer thoroughly exasperatedl-l think |
can sir IL YOU wiz allow me to take the back OF your
head IL hasn't so much expression the other sue
but It's a blamed sight pnttler-lBurlinston fes
Press.