The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-05-23
NEWSPAPER HUMOR.
Written with q Six Dollar Pair of Shears

Written with Six Dollar Pair of Shears.
Bound te read-New books.
A glaring fraud-A glass eye.-Terre
Hdute Express.
Flagg dealers are very fly just now
NelC York Journal.
Peaca is not reserved in family jar,
Washington Critic.
Sincerity is a great virtue, particularly
in soft-boi'ed egg.-ISOmerUtHe Jour
nal.
Is humor hereditary ? Certainly, if it
is one of the scrofulous kind.-LOweH
Courier.
Why does camel have two humps
Because if he only had one he'd be a
dromedary.
Dentists make more money on draw
games than anybody we know Of
DdnSUiile Breeze.
1t stands to reason that a woman who
wears an accordian skirt puts on airs
Detroit Free Press.
Teacher-What is a tangent 7 You
may answer. James. James-A gent
that runs lanyard - Puck.
The Western newspapers relate the
experience of dentist who tried to fill
the teeth of buzzsaw. He succeeded,
so the coroner thought.-Sparks.
She-How do you suppose the apes
crack the hard shells of the nuts they
pick Hewitt monkey wrench, of
course. Burlington Free Press.
] suppose we shall never know in this
fIfe how big fool man can become to
be because he is not allowed to have his
wants and vanities gratitied.-JoSh Bill
Hngs
Louise-Does your father approve of
you engagement 2 Lily-Oh, yes; papa
thinks George real smart. In fact, he
pinched papa last week in wheat deal.
Chicago Herald.
"Why do you test my milk ~ quotb
the dairyman to the actometer-equlpped
official. HAS it a-curd to you that I'm
giving 'em a-whey ~ And the inspector
murmured "cheese it !''-Hotel Nail.
Youth wish to propose for the hand
of your daughter. Age-Which of them,
young man, do you mean ? Youth
We'll, I don't know. Now,in confidence,
which of them would you advise fel-
low to take ?
Ferguson-So our cook is going, is
she Well, hope the next one will be
of a more literary turn, Mrs F.-What
do you mean by that? Ferguson-A
more earnest disciple of the art of
Browning, you know.-AH Sorts.
Daisy-Mr, Tallboy, why don't you
stand on one leg when you come here 7
Mr.. T.-Why, what question! Daisy
Well, sister Alice says you are a regular
stork, and all storks l ever saw stood on
one leg.-Sftings.
Agent-Has the religious press much
show in this community Old citizen
lin a whIsper)-Well, the parson is all
right, but they do say that Deacon Pus.
ley Is mighty fond of huggin' women
when he gets a chance. Washington
Post
Ed-Why did you marry ElsieY Al
Because she's no fraud. | asked her at
the ball what should get her from the
supper table, and instead of saying
cream and jelly, it was : Bring me
some roast beef, little chicken salad,
and claret.
"Who was that girl with you yester-
day afternoon, McCrackle?' She is one
of the most popular girls in town, Cum
so." "Indeed - Yes. she has more
callers than any other girl, in fact. She
IS the telephone girl at the Central ~
brakes MdgdziHe.
II tell you what" said Springhunter
in Boosting tone, my wife Is the best
baTgain-maker | ever saw. Why, she
gaiherad a lat of dead Leaves Ip-auea
they were fall remnants, and every night
she sings our youngest to sleep with
lullabuy. .'-DetroH Free Press.