St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-11-04

Where good pine stumpage excepted from
sale
All hands agreed were exceedingly dim;
bLt lines or no lines mattered little to him.
The Maineite sent East for his cork soied
His uncle, his cousins his father and
mother:
And hey all put their heads together to
fetch
The nimble sixpence and almighty dollar
lid away in old maids blue-ribbed hose
And trunks, where savings were stored In
And success crowned their efforts. Mills
rose.
And streets Of blocks, at first all of boards,
Succeeded by better built of blue limestone.
Nobody wore diamonds Ihen-not even rhine
stone,
But they all wrote letters and remarkable lies
of the increase Of values: Speculation stood
Up on Its hind legs and just howled. More
With the wonderful strides of proyerbial
seoots
Strobe leagues, while Truth Jagged and
slipped in her boots.
The lies of the monk, and the lies OF the
scamp
From Foft Smelling, and the Maine man in
Brought thousands OF other liars into the
swim;
From the East and the West. and some from
the South;
From across the ocean, from the Niles great
mouth;
Every nation on earth poured its oppresSedin.
And then the lies multiplied, as the liars had.
They lei about the money they made.
Concerning the profits II every trade.
About the worth of lots and blocks,
About assessments, bonds and stocks
About the population whene'e err twas taken,
Lies pressed down, running Ger and shaken.
They lied about health, and life, and death;
Men had TO be shot TO stop their breath,
And start the cemeteries: so the liars said.
Aud lied about churches in which they were
wed.
They lied about fairs and about expositions,
About fishing and hunting, and Indian ira
ditions:
About horses and races, and building statis-
About exports and imports, and wheat and
flour,
Interest, capital. income, politics,
The height Of steeple, electric tower,
The schools. the commerce. the new addi-
tons
They lied il poetry they lied in prose,
Ia blank verse and meter; then hes they
cOmminGled;
And tangled and wrangled until their ears
ungled;
In winter and summer, in spring and autumn;
Concerning the weather, and the reasons that
brought EN-
Tolive in these cities where lying was taught
EN-.
Well the cities thriyed, actually grew fat on it;
Cynies sneered. and would gladly have sat
on it;
Mendacity embellIshed the stories of births;
PrevaTication the weight and girthS
OF the people. Their appetites,
The dryness of the cold. crisp air.
Were dilated on by wrinkled and fair.
The scant humidity; the Northern lights
OF old Boreas: the fruits and flowers,
Wines and virility; hours on hours
Have been consumed expanding the story
More Wondrous than the elixir
or Brown-Sequard; for the expert mixer
OF lies no yarn was TOO hoary.
The lying propensity would not diminish
They lieu at the start, and they lied at the
So in time Minneapolis reached the estate
OF metropOlisdom and boosted a rival
It's st. Paul mean; she gobbled the great
City named by the monk IN spite Of the
devil. s..r
Then she whooped up the lies much higher
and faster.
For ST. Paul as liar was sort Of taskmaster.
When they came Of size they could see at a
They were predestined to lead each other a
dance
Fer seen on this hemisphere the like had
not been.
And so they went at it. pursuing the same
OF lies recommended Both had grown
On the same principle. Each lad known
The trick of the other.
St. Paul lied about Indians, contracts, annui-
ties; 80:
Bold, bad lies without superfiulties
Lovers lied to their. sweethearts (but that's
no-hing new.
They he'd when they married them, as most
men do;
IL,
Ananias and Sapphira, now roasting in
fires. - .'.-e ~ '.-f
They lied about railroads and terminal sta
TONS
They lied while walking and working and
resting;
At breakfast and dinner between their pota-
tons;
Between praying and teaching. and singing
And preaching, and mourning and feasting
And laughing and dancing.
The newspapers lied about circulation;
Set forth broods of lies for deleetation
OF Eastern consumers. and bundles and tons
OF papers with pages filled full of puns;
And figures OF lies in cartoons and columns
Were erammed in the mails for every direc-
ton
Under the sun, and every section.
Tired Of telling monstrOus lies on each other,
They now assemble in hotel and club
brothers.
They resolve that these two loving Twins are
the hub
OF the world They propose to demonstrate
To Chicago, New York and every other
bandit
That they kindly but firmly demonstrate
Against being trod on; they will not stand 1t.
So foreigners and visitors Judged US
Municipal liars; but this ne er budged US;
For when they come, in crowds or alone.
And drive through our streets OF brick and
brOwnstone- ST.
Inspect our elearings, size up our banks,
Dine at our tables and hear our eranks
Talk figures, and manifest, evident proof
Of permanent wealth. pluck and brains,
enough
Is impressed on all Of them, Dtuch or Dane,
Yankee. Norwegian, or native of Spain,
That Whatever has been written, or printed,
or spoken.
Or posted or rumored, or the signs betoken
Concerning these observation-disclosures ST,
PAUL >-s,
When man begins the TRUTH to o'erhaul
He finds 20 his wonder. though not very old,
The lies were all true. He finds even more
And then he repeats, with many an encore,
That the half of the facts have never been
told. -