Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1889-05-04
CHEERS ron THE CHEERLESS.

CLAIMING his writes the poet who
asks for his rejected manuscript.
THE counterfeiter never stands still
in his profession; he is always forging
ahead.
ST. Louis boasts of clever barber
less than four feet high. He must be
little shaver.
The way to win a pretty woman's re-
gard is never to praise the beauty OF
others in her presence.
IT is doubtless knowledge of the
fact that every one can see through it that
causes the window pane.
SHORT bits from other papers headed
@The Cream of Our Exchanges" are
made by editors who skim over them.
Nor all the good die young. II they
did, how in the world would you and I
ever succeed in explaining our exist
ence?
A MAN who has one Jug OF corn
whisky and another of rye refers to
them as his grain elevators. Merchant
Traveller.
A NEW baby made its appearance at
Squildigs house the other day. When
papa heard it cry for the first time he
remarked: Listen to its inauguration
bawl."
"OUR dear sister," said the Nebraska
pastor, "has gone to better land-that
is, if there be any better land than can
be found right here in the Missouri bot
TOMS"
The old-time rrishlight was even dim
mer than parlor gas. Still, the young
men of those days were well satisfied
with it, and didn't call early to avoid
the rush.
A FINANCIAL report states that money
is off" We suppose it is the same old
story: The cashier has gone to keep
it from being lonesome. YoaaEeTs
Statesman.
GENIUS is like a barrel on the top of
hill; it will not indeed move unless
pushed, but once pushed it goes itself.
Talent is like load on the roadway; it
will not go forward unless dragged.
JINKs-Hello, Blinks! Hear you had
great time getting married-eloped
with the girl-father and mother furi-
ous-gave chase, but they didn't catch
you, did they? Blinks (sadly)-No-o.
FASHION authorities say that large
checks in mems suits will be the fashion
in the spring. If the checks are in the
pockets and properly signed and in
dorsed the style will be gladly well
cemed.
II WANT to buy some flowers" care
you a widow" Eyes" "Then you
can't come into the conservatory, mum.
It might hurt the flowers" Hurt the
fowers?" Eyes, mum; because of the
weeds. Chicago Ledger.
DARLING" she said, weeping, when
we were married, five years ago, I never
expected to see you coming home at 1
o'clock in the morningw well, you
wouldn't now, M dear, " he replied, IF
you'd only go to sleep earlier"
W1FE-What are you reading, John?
Husband-A story about a fellow who's
trying to get divorce. Wife-Does he
get it? Husband-I havn't got that far
yet, but guess he does. The case is
called Triumph of the Right"
SoN-Papa, how do they teach luna
ties? Cynical Father = With large
straw hats and feathers and white
dresses, jewelry, and neat gloves, my
boy. Mamma (musingly)-Yes, I re-
member, that's how dressed before we
were married.
PHYs1c1AN-Your husband is quite de-
lirious and seems utterly out of his
mind. Has he recognized any one to-
day? 'Wife-O, yes. He called me
dragon this morning, and he constantly
speaks of the governess as an angel
Boston Beacon.
"SAY, Jerusha, said Farmer Furrow
to his wife, "this ere paper says that
New York's goin' to be enlarged. Now,
I think it's too big already. Why, the
last time me and you was there we both
got lost. Some folks don't know when
they've got 'nough, b'gosh!"
OFFICE Boy Ito editor)- Please, sir,
there's man outside what wants to see
yer. Editor-Well, did he send in his
card? Office Boy-No; guess he amt
got any card. He amt got any boots or
collar. Editorial! literary gentle
man. Show him right in, Joe.
HosTEss-And so you really believe
the moon to be inhabited, professor?
Prof. Eiuzumachen-Ah, veil, I do not
say Eat. But zere is vun moon in which
zere mus be yum man. Hostess-And
which might that be, pray? Prof. E.
quitting on his party manners)-Vy, re
vat you call it?-ze honeymoon!-
Judy. Ea-.
A man can build mansion
And furnish it throughout;
A man can build palace,
With lofty walls and stout;
man can build temple,
With high and spacious dome;
But no man in the world can build
That precious thing called Home.
1t is the happy faculty
OF women, far and wide,
To turn q cot or palace
Into something else beside
Where brothers, sons, and husbands, tired,
With willing footsteps come;
place of rest, where love abouEds,
perfect king donl-Home.
Both Got In.
What is your profession ?" asked st.
Peter.
"Pm a lawyer" was the proudly
spoken reply.
"And what was yours? ?" was asked of
the next conner.
81 am lawyer ALSO"
@Humph, I suppose you may as
well both go inside I don't like to
send both of you to the other place,
because we've got more down, there than
we can accommodate now, and if I send
one of you the other will sue out writ
of hnbens co7.D7Ls for him so ouick il