St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1889-02-28
WHY "WES'' CAN'T ATTEND THE
INA UG URA TON.

We arei in receipt of a polite request
| from the committee on invitation to
attend the inauguration ceremonies
at Washington on March 4, 1889,
| but owing to circumstances beyond
our control we shall be compelled to
respectfully decline. Some people
would send in a cold, formal declina-
ton and let the matter drop, but we
are not built that way. We feel hon
ored and grateful that we have not
been overlooked in the make up"
and we are going to tell the commit
tee what ails us, and why we are not
there with our imposing dome of
| thought and august presence.
The committee thinks we have a
pass and could attend just as we'll as
not, but it is deceived and we feel it
a religious duty to disabuse the
minds of its unsophisticated MEM
berS They never lived in western
less fate and a want of moisture I'M
til there was not enough flesh on their
underfed anatomies to cover their
intellects, and their aspirations to be
good and great had become ashamed
of their surroundings and hid in the
swishes and swirls of the sand hills.
They never knew what it was to
feed on expectation and the gorgeous
ness and beauty of an unobstructed
landscape until they became as di-
aphanous as a grand-daddy longlegs,
and the bal1ny zephyrs swept through
their attenuated heart strings, elicit
ing music as mellifluous as the strains
of an aolian harp. Scarcely. They
don't know how appallingly INDECENT
we are out here on the border, with
nothing to shelter us from the terri
bic blizzard of the eastern press but
an occasional mirage and with no
covering but the blue sky, and that
worn into holes in some places so as
to let the light through, not to men
ton lots of leaks along the milky
way.
They never laid down on the buffalo
grass and a big invoice of fleas and
slept the sleep of a pioneer with
mortgage on his claim and TOPPER
cent-a-month octopus lien on his
household goods, family heirlooms
and ancestral honor and toasted for
months on a diet of sand plums and
water, and still thanked God for
home in this favored land-favored
with mortgage fiends and short loan
Shylocks.
One thing that prevents us from
going to the inauguration is a want
of transportation, as well as the
wherewithal with which to purchase
it. A man can stand off the local
dealerin groceries, but a story about
a lame leg or q recent robbery in a
lonely and sequestered spot on a
cloudy and moonless night won't go
with railroad or post office. We
have tried it and speak authorita-
lively.
Our pass only reaches to the Mis-
sour line, and we are not sure of
having it next year. The railroad
threatens to take it away from us
because we are not as influential as
we were formerly-just as if man
could remain large and powerful on
the promises and buoyancy of san
guine nature and the prophetic beck
onings of rosy, corn fed future
We can't walk to Washington in a
pair of parior slippers and July socks,
and that is all the foot gear we pos
sess we are sorry to admit at the
present time.
We want Mr. Harrison and his
wife, too, to understand that we had
no unkind feelings toward them, and
that we think the crowd that will
gather at Washington will be ordi-
narily respectable, and that we are
not absenting ourself for any reason
for which they are in any manner re-
spOnsible. If we were to attend we |
should want to take in the ball |
and perchance shassey around with
the girls in the may dance, whatever |
that is, but we should not look well |