davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
CLIPPED BITS OF WIT.

A man may be very great and very good,
and then not attract half the attention that cap
tured horsethief does.-Mitu0aukee Journal.
ST live mostly within myself, /" said a con-
ceited fellow 81 understand, replied his neigh
Dor at the table, ''you occupy hat."-TeDus
Strings.
Binks-"Jones. you ought to be dress
maker"
Jones--"why?"
Enterprise.
Young Jenks-"Ssy, teacher, you otter
be good fisherman"
Teacher--"Why?''
Young Jenks--''You know how to handle the
rod. ."--ksarney Enterprise.
Shipwrecked but safe.-Jack Tar-We
amt so very fur from land, Jiml There's been .
yacht along here lately.
Jim-How do you know?
Jack Tar-See all them champagne corks.-LVs.
Fathead-I would start tor Maine to-mor-
row on my vacation If 1 thought could strike .
dry spell. Old soaker Oust back from Maine)-
/ guess you'll find no trouble in striking dry
spell down in that cussed state.-LotOeH Citizen.
selfpossessed Bather-Why, my good
fellow, you mustn't bite me!
Hungry Shark--Why noty
Self-possessed Bather--Why, I'm the proprietor
Of the skinnem q FIeecem Seaside Palace Hotel
courtesies. ha! ha!--LVe.
About the Size of it.-Alderman Buhdl-
I saw YOU conferring with Congressman shouter
this morning.
Alderman Dedlock-why, yes; he said that we
ought to get together.
Alderman Buhdl-But get together on what9
Alderman Dedock-0n keeping him In Office. I
suppose. He declined to discuss principles Tor
fear Of causing discord.-Pack.
AN ArrrocRApu
(From Chicago.)
do not write a sonnet sweet
Upon her lips or eyes,
Iwrite one. rather. on her feet:
'Tis there the wonder lies.
No pen hold they all poised for flight
As does her shapely hand;
Yet every step she takes. they write
Her name upon the sand. -Puob
SECOND CHILDHooD.
A horrible fate is impending,
And Brown-Sequard chuckles with glee.
Concocting his awful elixir
That makes an old man twenty-three.
Theatrical managers buy It.
And ~ up their old coryphees,
To begin farewell tours OF the country
In "Children" and ingenue plays
.-H. Y. Korning journal
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
He Wanted to Clorhe n centipe de.

John Martin. go years of age, was arraigned
before Judge Gildersleeve in the General Ses-
sions to-day charged with stealing five pairs Of
trousers from Rogers, Peet Co. A few days
ago Martin entered the store on Broadway, and
told clerk he wanted to buy apaIr of trousers.
None of them seemed to suit him, and from
the little curtain-covered box where he tried
them on he directed the clerk to bring on more
trousers. Finally he said he was suited. and as
he walked out of the box he rendered to the
clerk the price of a pair of trousers. The clerk.
however, noticed that Mr.. Martins legs had
grown considerably in the brief time he had
been in retiremsH. The clerk refused the
money, and a policeman was called In. On
Martin were found four pairs OF trousers, and
. fifth pair was folded and tucked up his back
under his coat. He was sentenced to year in
the penitentiary.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

JUDGE CooLEY's demand Tor an smplif-
cation of the powers of the Interstate Com
merce Commission by the next Congress
will have some cogency when the present
powers of that body have been fully exerted
and have been found to be insufficient. So
long as the commission omits to make sim
cere use of all the powers lodged in it to
enforce obedience to the Interstate COM
merce law, the proposition to increase those
powers, and to leave them unused and
among the features ofdead-letter legislation,
involves waste of valuable paper and use
ful printing material In their publication.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

The fearful length to which the literary
rivalry of different cities may be carried is
illustrated by grave charge of the Boston
Herald against "Will Carleton's use OF
'pachyderms' as word, accented on the
third syllable, in his Harper's Basar
poem." This still leaves question whether
there is the greatest inconsistency with
literary culture In the thick-skinned condi-
tion represented by the New York poet or
in the thick-headed state of mind indicated
by his Boston critic.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
PITCHED BATTLE In CHURCH,
The CIergymnn's Nose Smashed and severnl
Brethren Dis figured.

The Clergymnn's Nose Smashed and Several
Brethren Dis figured.
INDIANAPOLIS, August 14-The congrega-
ton of Mount Zion Baptist Church was in
court yesterday for having participated in a
general fight in the church. There has been
trouble over the pastor, Elder Morton, for
some time. the congregation being about
equally divided in opposing and supporting
him. He was locked out of the church by order
of the trustees, and this provoked threats Of
violence from his followers, but with a view to
bringing about an adjustment of the difficult
ties, the elder was induced to tender his resig-
nation.
Elder Williams was brought to the church to
conduct services as his successor. One of the
deacons got up and declared that he should
not occupy the pulpit. The elder replied that
he was there to preach the Gospel and he pro-
posed TO do so If be had to fight. With this the
row began. The pastors nose was smashed,
and a general knock-down followed. Several
of the brethren were badly disfgured when
they appeared in court. The ycontending fac
tions swore out warrantsfor the arrest of each
other on charges of assault and battery and
disturbing the peace.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
Time. Have Changed Somewhat.

It would take columns to enumerate all the
dainty and wonderful little timepieces that
have been made during the past 400 years. They
have been made not larger than peas and set
in rings for physicians to facilitate the count.
ing of the pulse. They have been fixed in
bracelets, brooches eye glasses, tops of um.
brella handles and even on the ends of lead
pencils. where they occupy the same position
as the rubber on the average Faber
That this is great age goes without saying
when we consider that 1t has only been 500
years since only the European monarchs could
afford roughly constructed iron pocket
clock. To-day a months work on farm will
buy as fine gold watch as any man need to
carry.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
NAV be Needed ue Hnyti.

Orders were received to-day that four of the
junior officers Of the Atlanta will be detailed to
the Galena; that work on the Galena be pushed
vigorously. and that her coal and stores be put
in without delay. The meaning Of this ,. prob
ably. that there is urgent necessity that she get
away for Hayti as soon as possible. Commodore
Ramsey said she would be ready to start in
about ten days. 1t is said that Rear Admiral
Cherardi had written to the department that he
is apprehensiye of slaughter and riot in Port
au-Prince in case Hippolyte should capture the
city. and that he would need larger landing
force to protect American interests than he has
IN the Kearsarge.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
SURROUNDED BY FLAME.
Two Men In n Burning Forest Save Their
Lives In q Cave.

llves IN Cave.
HELENA, MONT, August A-John Bloom
and Louis Sif, Just returned from q trip to the
CBur dAlene, give the details Of q thrilling
experience. On July 30 they left Murray,
Idaho, for MIssoula, Mont, with two wagons
and four horses. They had been warned at
Murray that the journey would be dangerous
on account oil forest fires raging along the line
from there to Thompson. A few hours after
they started the roar Of flames was heard and
they urged their teams as rapidly as possible.
The speed of the horses was slow compared TO
the rapidity at which the fire travelled They
were soon overtaken, and. leaving their teams
tunnel which was in the dense timber
Their place of refuge was entirely sur.
rounded. and 1t was Ave days before they were
able to get out. They were entirely shut OF
from their wagons containing provisions.
There was a small spring in the tunnel from
which they obtained water, but they were with
out food nearly five days. The flames burned
their horses and wagons.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
THE PH0N0GRAPH In ITALY.
Edison's Invention Creates Something of
seusatiou I'm That Couutrv

Edison's Invention Cfeatee something OF q
Sensation in That Country.
WASHINGTON, August H. Charles II.
Wood, Vice Consul General to Rome, reports
to the State Department July 20 that signor
Enrico Copello. who formerly resided many
years in the United States. has purchased the
right to sell the Edison photograph in I.aly.
As a preliminary step TO this enterprise, the
Consul reports that signor Copello visited
Rome. bringing with him the irst photograph
ever seen in the kingdom. 1t was exhibited
before Representatives of the Senate and
Chamber Of Deputies, leading Scientists and
King Humbert.
The King dictated congratulatory message
of the phonograph TO the inventor, and re-
quested Signor Copello to carry TO Queen Mar
garet at Venice n phonograph message. The
invention awakened great interest throughout
the country the Vice Consul says, and the
columns of the press are filled with handsome
tributes to Mr. Edison and to the inventive
genius Of the American people generally.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
HALF A LOAF,

The Bankrupt Firm of z. & A. II. Bachel-
lor Will Pay SO Cents on the Dollar.
ESPECIAL rKLEeRAM TO THE DIsrArcH.l
BOSTON, August H-The assignees Of the
estate of E. & A. H. Bachelor. the big boot and
shoe manufacturers whose recent failure was
duly chronicled. report that the firms liabili-
ties are about 81, 800 900. and thar the assets
will net enough to pay abont so cents on the
dollar.
The outstanding orders at the time of the
failure are being filed, and in that way the
creditors will be enabled to receive larger
percentage than IL the factory had been shut
down at the time OF the suspension Of the firm
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

A CHINESE play is running in San
Francisco, having been in operation two
weeks, and having got to the end of the
second act. As there are four more acts to
be played, it will be seen that the action Of
the Chinese drama approximates that mad
dening and intoxicating illustration Of
eternity on small scale, which has been
heretofore supposed to be monopolized by
the tariff debates in Congress.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

KILRAIN Is gathered in by the officers Of
the law. Now If the Governor of Mississippi
can get his clutches on some of the high
toned spectators who patronized the fight,
and give them an opportunity to learn the
useful occupation of breaking stones on the
road, he will demonstrate his claim to be
considered the man for the hour.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

Mr.. CHAUNcEY M. DEPEw reports that
the people abroad have got an idea that the
United States is spelling for fight with
some foreign country. 1t is to be hoped that
Mr.. Depew took occasion to correct the mis-
apprehension. Talk about fighting and
really wanting to fight are two very differ
ent things. The great mass Of the people
of the United States do not want real war.
fare, any more than the Georgia duellists
are thirsty for actual slaughter.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
DEATHS OF A DAY,
Squire William Grace,

Squire william McCulley Grace, died last Mon.
day, at his home, Lorenz avenue. The Squire
the pioneer Of CHARTERS, and he was respected
for his genial disposition. He cultivated large
number Of fruit trees on his fine estate which COW
cred 100 acres. Several years ago building boom
took place at sDogtown." The Squire had con-
proat- On his property the residentss wished ID
open up roadway but owing 10 come hitch, tie
deal fen through. hra Grace survives her bus-
band. and has full charge Of the property. Tha
captain 70 years old, and will be buried to-day
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

The French Government having con-
victed its political opponents unheard, now
sentences them to imprisonment In fortified
places. which the absent statesman will take
care to avoid. French politics are nothing
if not original.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

NORTH DAKOTA is evidently determined
to establish its claim as the champion State
for Western rapidity, by the assertion that
it already possesses forty-four legislative
boodlers. The future State that develops
the Doodle element before it attsins to the
rank of statehood can only justify its exist
ence by a proportionate rapidity in develop
ing the kind of reform which will lodge the
boodlers in the penitentiary.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

the fame of being Poet Laureate, but that
the a1oo year was extremely handy when
the grocer's bill came due. There is moth
ing like injecting high literary personality
into newspaper interviews, even if You have
to send 1t in with q squirt gun.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

HON. s. s. Cox has returned to the East,
and gladdened the Dewocratic heart with
the information that all the Northwestern
States are going Democratic. Mr.. Cox's
political function is evidently to cast the
roseate glow of sunset all over his political
surroundings.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

OF his next burlesque.> But the trouble
with both is that the amount of burlesque
which has an actual existence in each sub
ject would beggar even Gilbert's powers of
taking them of.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

THE London police, after taking month
to find out what it knows about "Jack the
Ripper" is obliged to make formal pro-
fession of the state of mind of 10 in "Bleak
House" and confess that they s'don't know
nothink."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
sexeraI Good s.biects.

From the New York Commercial Advertiser.1
The effect Of the elixir has not yet been tried
on creaking stairs. smoky chimneys. locks thas
perverseiy refuse TO yield to the wrong latch
keys. doors that bang. policemen's clubs. and
hats that d 1T night and don't dt In the morn
ing. but we may yet hope for the best The day
Of elixtrs has come to stay.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
On n Vacation.

From the williamsport Republican,
Pittsburg has Just put into the Court House
q q, 900 wind machine. Where are the lawyers?
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

ONE decided utility of the Brown-Sequard
elixir has already been developed. It
came just in time to deal the finishing blow
to the faith cure craze.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
TRI-STATE TRIFLES,

A MISS KEITH, of Clay township, Hunting.
don county, a few days ago while out picking
huckleberries, noticed flame of fire coming
up out of the ground near by, The fame lasted
few minutes whenit disappeared, at which
time the young lady heard voice say: "That
Is for you" This statement, it is said, can be
vouched for by reliable persons.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
kick. MAY Follow Ki.se,

From the Philadelphia 1nquirer.i
There isn't much doubt that some of the EN-
perors who are kissing each other now viii be
kicking each other before the year is out.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
ACapdlda.e Wanted.

From the Philadelphia Times.
The Democratic nomination for State Treas
urer appears to be hunting for . candidate who
won't decline.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

Why Father Time 10 Bald.
From the New Orleans Picayune.1
Old man Time. with a scythe. is pictured
always with a bald head. Ambitious people
made him bald in their hustling, grasping efforts
to take time by the forelock.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

THERE is discussion as to whether Mr..
Gilbert shall select Egyptian affairs or the
recent revolution in Hawaii for the subject
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

CALIFORNIA litigation has established
its proud claim to be more deadly in Its
shooting scrapes than the Chicago brand.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

Mr.. JOHN s. MILLER, OF Mannheim vicinity,
responding to his little sons call, found a very
large weasel in his wagon shed killing rooster.
He clutched 1t by the neck, but ir turned on
him and clawed him. He was pretty badly torn,
but he got its head beneath his heel and ground
its life out.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

SAMUEL wrLDRIcK, Of Stoddartsvilie, aged
81 years, walked to Wilkesbarre. over 20 miles,
to visit a man, day before yesterday. Mr..
Wildrick is the father of % children. Two
weeks ago he cut two new teeth.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
What Wrecked the Boston.

The investigation by the special board of in
quiry into the cause of the accident to the
Boston was continued at the navy yard to-day.
Lieutenant Wainwright Kellogg. the navigator
of the Boston. testified that coming down the
harbor he had followed Captain Okane's
directions. He placed his finger on Mitchelrs
Rock, on the chart. at that time, and said that
that place was all we had to fear, and that he
intended to keep clear of 1t. Lieutenant Kel-
logg said that next morning, from soundings
that were made, he came to the conclusion that
as there was q complete absence Of shoals. the
vessel had struck on Mitchelps Rock. To-
morrow the board will examine the injury to
the bottom Of the vessel as she lies in the dry
dock.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

MRS. WILHELM, of Niles, o., found IS gold
piece in the crop of a chicken she was prepar-
ing for dinner.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

BLIND dog that finds its way over the
country unaided and Is often seen miles from
home, is curiosity owned by farmer in the
vicinity of Sc. Clairsville, o.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

A FARMER in Jefferson county, o. whose
poultry was disappearing rapidly. resolved to
capture the foxes which were doing the thiev-
ing So he tied couple of live hens to a stake
in his field and set traps all around them. The
next morning the hens had disappeared, but
not one of the traps had been disturbed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

. A HOG in Pleasant county. W. VA caught
poison.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15

A WEST VIRGINIA exchange speaks of "a
lady tramp"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
Ruinod by Living Too Rapidly.

French Thirty Fourth Street Hospital, has dis
appeared with $3.50 Of the hospital associa-
tion's money and a good deal of other money
which did not belong to him. Some time in
July Vice President Fleuron. of the association,
learned that Fancheux had forged his indorse-
ment on check for $500 Detectives were en-
ployed to watch the manager, and they found
some days later that Fancheux was putting
worthless checks, bearing his own name, into
circulation. The detectives went to Fancheux'
house to arrest him, but he was not there, nor
has he been there since Fancheux has long
been one Of the most prominent Frenchmen in
the city. His name has been connected with
numberless charitable undertakings. Fast liv-
ing ruined him.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
Struck by Lightning and Destroyed.

A heavy rain fell at Sandy Hook this morn
ing. At $50 o'clock the small building on the
beach at the testing grounds was struck by
lightning and set on fire. The officers and men
confined their efforts to saving the valuable in
struments. The building was completely
destroyed. Only few of the testing instru-
ments were saved. The others were ruined by
the lightning and flames. The loss 60 the Gov
ernment will amount to $4,000 The instru-
ments were used to determine automatically
the speed Of projectiles and the power Of the
guns. No one was injured. The building was
called the ordnance building.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-08-15
Bound to Ride With Her Poodle.

Mrs. Maud Grain came from Brooklyn to
New York, to shop, q few days ago. with a
little white poodle dog in her arms. At the
City Hall station she tried to board an elevated
train. The guard quoted to her the rule
against dogs on the elevated, and refused to
let her pass. After brief struggle, in which
her gown was torn. Mrs. Grain found herself on
the platform and the train gone. She repeated
her attempt twice, with the same result.
Eventually, however, she got past guard and
rode four blocks. Then she started back home,
with her face scratched. her overskirt ripped
half OF, and her nervous system all used up.
She was i'll in bed five days. To-day she sued
the elevated road for S, OOO damages.