The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-02-14
rwA1Ns EMBARRASSING FIX.

TWAIN's EMBARRASSING FIX.
Several years ago while Mark Twain |
was collecting retrospective materials |
for his Life on the Mississippi" he
stopped one day at Arkansaw City. He
had wears before known the place as
Bend, and naturally had a |
desire to poke alb tut unattended by per-
sons who would be likely to break in
upon his musings; &C., avoiding the com
mittee that ha been appointed to re-
ceve him, he wandered off into the
woods. He thought nothing of the dis |
lance he was traversing. There was
music among the tree t, ps, and flowers,
rich in deep coloring, perfumed the air,
says the ArkdnSdp Trdueler. After
long walk he came to a cabin, and upon
entering found an old and tangled
bearded man sitting near the empty hre-
place. The old fellow glanced at Twain
and then, springing between the visitor
and the door, snatched down gun,
cooked it and said
so I've got you, have l 7"
Il don't understand you - Twain
gasped.
.'Oh, no, l reckon not. Err man never
understands thing when he don't wan
ter. Didn't stop your steamboat down
wander below the bend the other day
md steal six sheep that belonged to me,
lid you ?"
II will swear upon the honor of gen
tleman that l did not. l haven't been
in this neighborhood before in twenty
years." -,
Set down thar" Twsin obeyed. The
old man continued; 1T mont have been
a good while sense you was here before
the other day, but you got here just in
time ter steal the sheep an I'm goin' ter
have your skelp. Hear me I"
my dear sir, you are laboring under
frightful mistake. l never owned
sheep in my life"
mo. don't reckon you ever did owl
one, an mon that, nobody else ain apt
to own naIy one whar you hang out
Vas, sab. come right here an tuck my
sheer, an ermong them wuz er pet lamb
that my little granddaughter loves bet
tern she does her life, an she amt slep
er wink sense fur cryin' about it. Oh,
you needn't blink, fur l am goin' ter
hold you here till my little gal comes,
and then I'm goin' to blow yo' head off
It won't be long fo' she comes, an ei
you've got any pra'rs that you reckon
oughter be said why, you better say 'em,
that's all"
my dear sir"
Don't dear sir me. Tvegot an
I'm goin' ter use you"
"But how do you know that l stole
your sheep"
You know how l know it. You
know that Jest ez soon ez you seed me
er comm you showed off, an mon that,
YOU know that when jumped
in canoe an started ter
paddle out ter you, wy, you shot at me
You know all that well enough"
"Merciful heavens !" Twain ex
claimed.
Yes, sab, yes; that's erb, ut whut
lowed, but the boat pulled on away"
A stick snapped outside. Great
heavens ~ Twain thought, lis the CIR
coming?' No it was only calf. The
expression on the old fellows face grew
harder. There was cruel twitchinf
about the corners of his mouth.
"Oh, don't you fret, she'll be here
d'reckly,"
my friend, said Twain with an effor
to be calm, "if you will 90 with me ovel
to Arkansaw City l will prove to yet
that l would net steal a SHEEP
l don't want no proof that comes
from that place You tell lie, an then
reIers over thar wouli sw FAR ter it.
Zee my little gal comm lhr0ngh yander
Ez | said Jest now, eff you We got any
pra'rs you want said. wy, | reckon yOl
better say EN-
Would you commit murder ?"
Would you steal sheep?'
"Surely not"
"Ah, hah, an sholy l wouldn't h
commlttin' murder by KILN sech feI
Ter ez you air. Don't move now, fur e
I you do I'll drap you. Come, quick. now
befo' the gal comes. tell me # you know
who did steal them sheer, that is ef 20,
didn't"
II think d.. Twain quickly rel lined
and then, remembering the name OF :
stea mboat engineer whom he had known
before the war. he added 10 Billings
stole your sheep"
The old fellow looked sharply at him
and replied
"Alr you shore !?
81 am certain"
Was you on mis- boat at the time ?"
Yes, and tried to keep him from
stealing them, but could not p
"Wrl you help me to find him p
Yes"
WAL. then. scoot. Qnick, brfo' the
gal comes"
When Twain reached Arkansaw City
he found the perplexed and disappointed
committee. He was nervous and de
pressed. While he was standing in tht
office of the hotel some one said
Mr.. Clemens, you used TO know Jt
Billings, didn't your
Twain felt an uneasiness crawling
over him. Eyes" he replied.
There he is"
Twain looked around and started. TIT
old fellow who had held him in the cab
in came forward, snorted and then said
Sam, l oughter shot you fur no
known me, but reckon I've changed
some Sheep, wy, never had one il
my life. Haw, haw. Come, fellers
here's ter Sam an his erbility ter still
hedge on the truth. Trenton State Ga
zette.