Morning journal and courier., 1889-01-30
COLD BITS.

Saw the artist-Mrs. Westend-"Did you see the artist Whistler while in Englands" Mir. Lakeside, of Chicago-"Yes, indeed heard her whistle. hiladelphia Record.
 Things one would rather have left unsaid. -sYou can't go home when it's raining like this. You'd better stay and have dinner with us." "Oh, it's not quite so bad as that"-Punch.
 A little girl who complained the other day of peculiar sensations in her hands and arms was told by her mother that she was nervous. ''Dear mel" she exclaimed. "Mebbe I'm go- ing to die of nervous prospects."- Paul
 Moral citizen-"You are dreadful1y 1nuox- icated, my good man. Beware; you will eventually fill drunkard's grave" Intoxi- cated man-"Yesh; lave filled many drunk ards grave-him-'m sexton down at the hic-shemetery. .'-Time.
 "Have you hammered brassa" inquired lady in St. Paul art store. 'Yes'm,' re- marked the clerk briskly. 'I pounded Chicago drummer once until he didn't know whether he was in Minnesota or three miles below Memphis. s."-[St. Paul Press.
 MT. Gladstone usually has three books in reading at the same time, which is quite 8 feat; but it doesn't hold candle to the dex- terity of the society girl who can play Chop in, munch carmels and discuss "Robert Els mere" all at the same time.-Burlingto Free Press.
 A wise negro is quoted as saying "'Pears to me like dar was some kind of misdeeom- posishon in all dis talk about babies cuttin' de teef. De way look at it, it's de teef cuS- tin de baby. Leas'wise, dat's de way it looks in de case O culled chil'en. ."-Ex- | change.
 Actress-"How long will it take me to get divorcel' Lawyer-"That all depends on circumstances. How long have you been 5ayy -;aI 1r,k l Montague We're De We're is on the rag ged ledge of proposing, and I want to make my calcula- ! tions before hand, that's all."-Texas Sift- ] ings.
 He Was Still Man.-Howell Gibbon (to needy individual who has asked for relief)- l 'I cahn'r give you any money, me good fel- ! lah; but if you call at me side door tonight 1 dividual-"What d' yer take me for, mister! l I've fallen pretty low, know, but ain't no ! econd-hand dude. ."-Puck.
 First tradesman-"How's business with | you, Smiths" Second tradesman (dejectedly) -"Pretty poor" First tradesman- I,,see | you haven't got any sign up." "Second 1 tradesman-''No, I don't believe in signs | Goods speak for themselves" Second trades man-''No they don't. It's my opinion, Smith, that with respect to sign, you have either got to put up or shut up."-Burling- l ton Free Press.
 l Where to Look for It.-AMr. Dusenberry- q can't see anything about the shipwreck
 which happened in the paper" "Look un-
 der the head of marine intelligence my
 dear" Ut isn't there.'' ''Then look under
 marine stupidity" "There isn't such a heading" ''Then there ought to be, my dear. No intelligent collision ever hap 1 pened. ."-Time.
 | Secrets of Greatness. youth "Father, am unwilling to go through life 6
 nobody. wish to leave name. long to l breathe the sweet atmosphere of fame.
 am resolved to become great. Will you ad' vise meP' Wise father-"With pleasure The foundation of greatness is a good edu
 cation" A. Y.-"I am laying it." w. F.
 stNext, you need industry and good habits. A. Wives. What else?" w. F.-"Al
 ways be polite to newspaper men."-NeV
 York Weekly.
 It is related of clergyman, who was tn
 happy father of charming and beautiful
 daughter, that one day while preparing hi
 Sunday discourse he was suddenly calle away from his desk on mission of mercy
 So imperative was the summons that he lief | unfinished this sentence: 'I never see
 young man of splendid physique and tn
 promise of glorious manhood almost real ized, but my heart is filled with rapture an
 delight" His daughter, happening in tn study, saw the sermon and read the words ) Sitting down she wrote underneath: "Them l my sentiments, papa, exactly. ."-Albany EN | press.