Daily Republican., 1889-09-28
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

What 10 that which you cannot see
although 1t is always before you? Your
future.
There 10 one thing about Q dictionary
that resembles woman. 1t always has the
last word.
DR.. Franklin used to cay that rich
hand goods that sold at prime cost.
A thief who stole q mirror was in
prisoned for theft snd aned for drunk ken
ness. He bad taken q glass too much.
A Great Barrier Friend: "What's come
up between you and Mis- DumplingP'
De Lett (sadly): "Hsr father"
A young fellow suffering from q VIC.
lent attack Of the tender passion defines
Ills complaint NJ an attack OF iassitude.
Diffidept lover: ~ know that I am q
perfect bear 10 my manner" She:
''Sheep, you meap. Bears hug peo ople-
you do nothing but bleati"
Wife: Henry, when 1 am dead and
gone, you will marry againW Husband:
Never while tbiuk Of the days we
have lived together will DO Joined to
another wIfe.O
Indignant restaurant diner: "Look
here, waiter, you've split about 9 quart
Of soup down the back OF my neck"
Waiter (suavely): "There'il be no charge
for the extra soup, SIR"
Mrs. Nuborder, "Thaps a yery pretty
motto you are working, Mrs. Browne.
Haashi Learn to say no. Is It for your
sonr Mrs. Browne Haashi "No; it's
for the dining-room."
She: ~ must show you my new clock
before you CO." He (facetiously) :
'Some Of my friends tell me am homefy
enough TO stop 9 clock" She: 'Oh,
that won't maIteri It eau be started
again."
Mrs. Gassawsy: 81 tell you doctor,
that am sick, aud you say that all /
need is rest, and you haven't even looked
at my tongue" Doctor; 81 know that
IL needs q rest without haviag to look
at It,"
Geometry in our Higher Society.
why, BIZ, don't you know May Foleyl
! thought she lived In your square,"
Biil' "VeIy possibly, Tom, but yet we
may not move In the same circle"
swell, Johnny, shall forgive you this
time; and It's very pretty OF you TO write
letter to say you're sorry" Eyes, ma;
don't tear 1t up please" "Why,
Johnny" "Because It will do the next
time"
Complainant: "He applied an appro.
priate epithet to me-" Judge: "What
was ~" "He called me lying scoun-
drsl.' swell, you mean opprobrfous;
but still, won't contradict you. 1t may
have been appropriate"
"SIr, l always aim to tell the truth !"
remarked politician whose veracity had
been impugned. "That may be true,U
was the quick retort, shut Justice com.
pels the observation that you are mighty
bad shot p'
The Misses Brown: "Oh, SO glad to
see you, Maryi But we've such dreadful
colds, we can't kiss you, dear. We can
only shake hands," Bair visitori "Oh
dear. how sadl hope you haven't got
a cold, Mr.. Brswn2"
Greta; "And so you are engaged at
last, my dear-to an architect; but has
he ever built anythinR" Marjorie:
Built anythlngl should say so; why
he told me himself that he has built
many castles I'm spain.' Only think
Of itp
"John, this is the fourth time I've
caught you in the kitchen talking to the
cook" swell, my dear?" "The next
time find you here Pll-well, I'll dis
charge her and do the cooking myself"
He has never offended since.
Doctor: az see just what's the matter
with you. You need something strength
ening. Eat q plate Of oatmeal, boiled,
every morning for breakfast" Patient:
81 do, Doctor" Doctor .(equal to the
occasion): Then leave 1t off,"
Visitor: "Oophi-what besstly tobacco
are you" Host: ''Yes, know. Shut
the doorl Some African cigarettes l
keep on purpose-for my mother-in law.
Directly 1 light up, she's OIL Open the
windows for bit aud take q weed"
"It's long time since we saw you at
the club" ''I'ye been staying with my
uncle" "Your millionaire unclei"
"Yes." "Is he mp "Seriously so, l
fear" "Alasl money doesn't bring
happiness" "Yes, 1t does-it brings
happiness to Others"
Amiable mother: "Here, Tommy, is
some nice castor oil with orange syrup
in it." Doctor; snow, remember, don't
give IT all to Tommy, leave some for
me-" Tommy (who has been there be-
iOiOJ' DoOtot y hico ihhh mh, klNb IL
all to Doctor"
Master Bobby's father Is the happy
owner Of Matching machine. The other
day, AZ little Bob was watching . chicken
energetically breaking Its way through
Its she'll. he remarked: 81 see how he
gets out. but Low did he get int"
Doctor: "Yeur blood is deficient In
quality, Mr.. Jones. What you need Ia
more iron In the system" MIR. Jones:
"That can't be, doctor. l have stepped
on at least twenty-five tacks With my
bare foet since spring cleaning began"
An old Yorkshire woman described her
happy circumstances thus; "l've nice
little cottage, chest oi drawers and q
pianny, a lovely garden and some flowers
in my window; and"-waxing warm
"my husbands dead, and the very sun
shine Of 'eav'n seems to fall on me-"
Very stout old lady (watching the
lions fed): "Pesrs to me, mister, that
aln't very big piece o. meat for sech an
animal" A bendant with the most
stupendous show OF politeness); ~
s'pose II does seem like little meat to
you, ma'am, but its enough for the
lion."