Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-26


tering followed the proposal; but finally, in
spite of the parrots protest, majority oi
the inmates of the Zoo decided in its favor.
WORSE THAN BEDLAM.
The noise-making contest accordingly be-
gan. The smaller animals uplifted their
puny voices, the myriads of strange birds
sang or screamed their loudest. Then the
great elephant trumpeted ferociouslY, and
was only silenced when the zebra hee-
hawed in his usual dulcet manner.
Just about the time when the lion himself
was shaking the very park with his roars,
the inhabitants of the Schenley Park dis
trict had surrounded the park on every side.
terrified by this second Babel. Fathers,
loosely attired in floating drapery, few down
the dark streets, clubbing the gun that had
belehed forth its deadly messages at Gettys-
burg, or flashing the saber that had been so
gallantly welded on the bloody field Of An
tietam. Youths who had not been born in
the old heroic days snatched their
great English canes from the stand and
prepared to deal death, if necessary. Police
men bravely cheered the citizens on to the
fight, while they themselves slipped round
the corner to summon reinforcements. Old
ladies, young ladies, and children walled in
unison, till several royalty descended Gaels
in the neighborhood of the Point imagined
that their family baushee was bowling the
death-song outside the window. The fire
bell rang a general alarm, and from every
quarter came the rattle of galloping horses,
the jingle of chains, and the rumble of
wagons The new police telegraph flashed
fire, murder and thieves, to every street and
station in the city. In a word, Pittsburg
had gone crazy.
THE RECORD BEATEN,
During the final stages of the lions per-
formance, the hippopotamus bobbed up
serenelv from the center of his pond and
determined to beat that noise or die. When
hippopotamus says he'll make row, he is
bound to do il. In this case the row the
hippo made, beat the best record ever
achieved, even by hippopotamus. The
roar of Waterloo was not In it with his roar;
the thunders of Jove were mere whispers,
compared to his below. He raised such
tornado that the very Government Building
Commissioners awoke and began to look
about them.
So jealous did the legions of other ami
mails become at his superior vocal powers
that they resolved to howl him down. 1t
was no sooner said than done with theml
The word went round, and there arose to
trembling heaven a combination of sound
6uCu de nCNCE Vic AAuA4Ohob4C nAA4c H6Q
echoed since first they were fashioned in the
prehistoric days.
So appalling was the shout hurled at the
vault above that the mighty fountains of
the clouds were shattered as in the lsthmian
games OF yore, when the Roman Consul de-
clare6 the freedom Of Greece and down
poured the pitless rain in drenching tor
rents. What was the use of paterfamilias'
sword or gun in such q rain as this? Back
few the shivering people to their homes for
wraps and waterproofs.
The fire wagons turned back; there was
no need for them now. The police, however,
kept bravely on. They were very gallant
now, because they knew the rain would
make their work easy, and every unfortu-
nate wayfarer was promptly cudgeled and
arrested on suspicion.
DECIDEDLY THE VICTOR.
But the rain had another good effect. It
dampened the srdor of the contestine ami
mails. The awful believing ceased, and
every inmate of the Zoo, the hippopotamus
only excepted, retired to his lair. But the
old hippo didn't mind the rain in the least!
He just stood in his pond and kicked up
row enough for 80. The prize was his; he
had gained it honestlyand by mis- own grand
efforts. After that he reeked not of rheu.
matism or influenza, But Pittsburg dreaded
those diseases, so, the noise being over, the
city Just retired to its bed, resolved to let
Al :