The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-09-05
WISE AND OTHERWISE.


Pears'is the purest and best soap made
Beecham's Pills cure bilious and ner-
vous ills. ...t..,a..H .'
Softley-"Ya.as, you know, fish makes
bwain, you know" Hostess-"Yo on
don't take fish, do you, Mr.. Softley ~
Father-''What makes you so extray-
agant with my money ?" Son-"Because
didn't think you would like to spend it
yourself after working 30 hard for it,
Epoch. 30 a'u''. I. ''i. Co.. 5
Lady Chotses running away)-"Dear,
dear, dear, what will become OF me ~
New Coachman (grimly y" Madam, it
depends on your past life. I'm all right"
Puck.
AT the telephone. McCarty-"Is this
McCanty p McCanty-"It is" McCarty
l-"Sind me down bale o. hay.p Nc
Canty-"An' who's it phfor ?" McCarty
l-"Me mule, ye spalpeen.i" ,... h
Mrs. There Bridget just
see what you've done. You've split the
soup all over my new dress" Bridget
Sure, indade, ma'am, there's plenty
more left in the soup DISH" ,. b.. s.
Great Lawyer-"I want you to tell me
candidly, did you really shoot the man p
Client-"Do you really suppose am
such donkey that would pay you a
$4,000 fee if 1 were innocent ?"-IerdS
Siftings. .-"'''t ''.- Do
Mr.. Hyde (of Hyde & Tallow), Chica-
Igo(-''Waiter, l want dinner" Wait
er--"Will re gentleman haf table d'hote
or la carte p Mr.. Hyde-"Bring me a
little of both, and have 'em put lots of
gravy on it."-Puck. III.
water, bring me couple of soft
boiled eggs" Voice at next tabIe-"The
same for me. But waiter, be sure they
are fresh" IAN right" Walters voice
in the distance" Four soft boiled eggs;
two must be fresh. beacon. +
He-'Do you read the current fiction
of the day p Sbe-'"Not very extensive
ly, am ashamed to say. However, /
did wade through Robert Elsmere' and
l intend to read Pigs in Clover which
everybody is talking about. st. James
Gazette, ... /. %
II don't say marriage is failure"
said Adam, candidly, as he sat down on
log just outside the Garden of Eden
and looked hungrily at the fruit on the
other side of the wall, "but if had re-
manned single this wouldn't have hap.
pened. Beacon.
1T goes right TO the spot" said an old
gentleman. who found great benefit in
Ayers Sarsaparilla.. He was right. De
rangements of the stomach, liver and
kidneys are more speedily remedied by
this medicine than by any other. 1t
reaches the trouble directly.
Briggs-"The picnic season is a great
one for the followers of DIR. Mary Walk
er did you ever notice the factf' Bragg
-"Can't say that did. How do you
figure it out 2" Briggs-"It's the time Of
year when so many ants get into pants,
you know. "-Ierre Hdute Cypress.
Ada-"So you have been to see your
husbands friends, have you, Lulu And
how did you like his mother p Lulu
"Oh, ever so much, Ada ; she made me
feel 80 much at home. =. Why IN less
than twenty-four hours after1 arrived
there she had me in the kitchenSwiRing
dishes. "-Neto York Sun. q
Eleven Years in Charge
OF the package department, Boston and
Maine Depot, Boston, Msss. Miss Helen
Jones says l was a sufferer from general
debility, 'biiousness and water brsst for
sessral ears, and life seemed alnost a
burie9 70 me. After using almost every
thing; sulphur Bitters cured me. 1879
ShIIoh's Catarrh Remedy,
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, d ymafvelous
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, (cahker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatmeht of
these complaints Without extra charge.
Price 80 cent. Sold by ]. T. Shurtlef,
Bennington. ~ u"
"Gintlemin, 4 wud foike to ashksthim
Ametikin wan thing : who doog fhe
canals Nuy the tcoontry but futriners ?
Who built the railruds nv the coontry,
but furriners Who worruks thr moines
Nv the cooutry, hut furrinersI Who .doee
the votln' for the coontry, but furgineTs!
And who the, devil discovered this coon
try, but furTiners T'-Life. 10 # tsdf
Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint
rs it not worth the small price Of rs
cents to free yourself of every symptom
Of these. distressing complaints, IL you
think 80 call at our store and get a bot
tile of Shiloh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
has a printed guarantee on it, use &C
cordipgly, and if It does you no good il
will cost you nothing. Sold by John I.
Shurtleff, druggist, -T~ ~
Merchant-"Yout think your son would
make us satisfactory errand boy, do
you p Mrs. Moriarty-" Whatever e do,
sor, e do it very quick" Merchant
turning to boy)-"James, take this note
up to Captain Centerfield at the ball
grounds and be back in twenty minutes"
Mrs. MoriaTty-"Niver moind, Jimmy,
Come .shn home. It's not a bye they're
wantin', it's an angel. life.
Hay Fever. .t...t .f..
] have been a great sufferer from hay
fever for 10 years. read Of the many
wondrous cures of Ely's Cream Balm and
thought would try it. In fifteen min
utes after one application was wonder
fully helped Two weeks ago COM
menced using it and now. feel entirely
cured. 1t is the greatest medical discov-
cry ever known or heard of.-Duhamel
Clark, Lee, Mass. 32t2
Anxious mother-"My dear, I'm afraid
George is getting into bad company. de
is out very late nearly every night" OBJ
serving Fatber-"Ob, he's all right, He
goes to see some girl or other. Shouldn't
wonder if he'd announce an engagement
soon." "He hasn't said a word about
any young lady" "No ; but he's keep
ing company with one all the same. His