The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-12-01
CARL puNpER.
He Is Catching on to American Ways at

He Is Catching on to American Ways at
Last.
"Helloi Mr.. DunderIr saluted Sergt. Ben
dali as that individual entered the Central
station with broad, satisfied smile on his
countenance.
"Hellor sergeant vhas eafrythings all
right init your
81 guess So You look happy"
Sergeant. vhas shust like sweet oil No
more troubles for me vhas catching on to
do shust like Americans"
"a am glad of that You used TO be ter
ribly green"
$50 vhas Three months ago I doau
know some beans in a bag Ha' ha' der
COWS come along and take me for some grass
II 1t rnins shtandt right out doors and get
wet. Hal hal 1t makes me laugh when | see
how green vhasp
Anything happened latelyT' queried the
sergeant in careless way
'Vhell, not mooch Some fellers try TO
beat me, but dey doan make oudt | vhas
too sharp for EN-. One Teller comes along
INIT six pairs of sheep shears in bundle. He
doan' want to sell dose shears, bU: he likes TO
borrow three dollars for one day and leaf
'em for security If he doan' come pack in
ore day dose shears vhas niue"
"a see"
"He doan' come pack Maybe he break his
leg or something, but dot vhas nothing to me-
| keep dose shears. If somepody beats me, ser
geant, he shall haf to get oop very early in
der morning"
81 presume so. Have you the shears thereF'
II hat. belief you like to see EN-"
''They are worth two shillings pair" said
the sergeant. after an inspection. You are
out of pocket fourteen shillings, and what do
you expect to do with sheep shearsF'
"Heafens doan think of dotIr gasped
Mr. Dunder as he grew white in the face.
Anything elsef'
"Vhell, get my life insured. | doaE' be-
lief vhas sheated by dot A Teller comes
along ind says vhas | Carl Dunderf | vhas
Well, der president of der United States says
he likes me to call on you und insure your
life. Dis vhas new company und new
idea let you in by der ground floor. l like
your name to influence odder people
How vhas dot new deaF
"You pay only two dollars eafery twenty
years. and if you die your wife gets S75.OOO
1t vhas der biggest thing out. Shidrens cry
for it. Vanderbilt, Shay Gould. Russell
Sage und all der big fellows vhas into it.
How oldt you vhas-who vhas your grand
mother-how many teeth have you lost oudt
vas you eafer bit by some dogs-did you
eafer own a white horse-how often you fall
down stairs-do you ride on some bicycles
und dis vhas der truth, der whole truth, und
nothing but der truth"
And he wanted the 50 in adyanceF"
queried the sergeant.
"Of course. Dot vhas to pay for shwearing
me-"
well, you are beaten again, Mr.. Dunder
Insurance men don't do business that way
Good dayl"
''How you meant"
"You had better go homa. Have you got
q tub in your houser
'Of course"
AMY bran ut the barnf"
ayes"
well, make the tub about half full Of
mash, and then put your head to soak for
about forty-eight hours When through buy
some No sandpaper and polish it down to
the bone"
Sergeant, yhas some greenhornsF"
"You aren
"Vhin eafer learn something's"
Never
''Then, good-byl shln't try no moro. It
vhas queer country, und nothing vhas der
same two times alike When my body vhas
brought in here doom make fun of It Shust
use it silently und say dot did SO well ash
could. Detroit Free Press