Fisherman & farmer. [volume] (Edenton, N.C.) 1887-19??, 1889-07-26

underneath all this sisterly regard there
might lie the germs of a deeper love?
And could / not awaken it to life by long
and careful wOoing? | would be so pa
tent if there was only one spark of hope
that she would ever love me. would,
like Jacob of old, serve seven years, oh,
SO willingly, could l but win her. Was
l not coward, after all, to yield my own
chance of success to another, by not put
ting my fate to the test!
Under the influence of this feeling |
dashed off an ardent, impulsive letter.
All the love I could never speak, found
expression now.
''Can you not, dearest 1Iillie," con-
Guided, find down deepin your heart,
underneath all this sisterly regard you
! have given me, one spark Of something
dearer, sweeter than sisters love- VIII
you not give me just one word of hope
that, in time, you may learn to love ME
better than a brother or friend?"
sent the letter by sure messenger,
and waited impatiently for reply. Now
it was done, and had risked all on one
throw OF the dice, | felt all the gamblers
unrest. Ny blood was alternately at fever
heat or ice cold. The moments seemed
hours. Hopes and fears alternately held
sway, until [ could scarcely endure the
suspense. At last the answer came. Hur-
rying to my room, [ tore open the enve-
lope. There in Miles handwriting, l
had learned to love SO well, were the
words: "Dear Friend;" a cold hand
seemed to clutch my heart as I read:
1o++ 10
have always regarded you as friend,
and as such, you will ever have my high
EST esteem, but my love has long been
given to another. Forgive me if I give
you pain by this avowal, and [ pray God
may bless and keep you, in the danger
into which you are going. Sincerely your
friend, Mildred Graves"
The letter fell from my hands, my head
dropped upon the table beside me. The
worst had come! All the hopes and fears,
the sweet dreams of a lifetime were over.
Carl had won her, and I had lost all that
made life endurable.
The memory Of every hour of sweet
companionship-every gracious smile she
had ever given me-every kindly word,
came back with redoubled sweetness, now
that she was lost to me forever. Through
all the years of youth and manhood, she
had been interviewer with every hope
and plan; it seemed like giving up life
itself to lose her. But it was over now,
over forever If met her again it must
be as the betrothed, or the wife of an
other.
Could I live and bear that! Thank
God, I could go away in a few hours,
and perhaps death on the battlefield
would end all this dreary heartlone-
illness.
On the morrow I rejoined my regiment,
and within twenty-four hours we were
marched to the front.
In the change from home to the stir
ring scenes of army life [ tried to forget;
but by the campfire, on lonely picket
duty, or in the rush and roar of battle,
thoughts of Mildred would intrude.
I shrank from no exposure, feared no
danger. Men called me brave; I was
simply reckless. Ihad no dread of death;
why should I have? Life had lost all
charm for me.
Months rolled away, one, two, nearly
three years passed. I never heard from
Mildred, except an occasional word in my
mothers letters. She was still IN
married. I did not wonder at this for [
knew Carl was in the army, and fire.
quently near me. But I never sought
him, even when our regiments were side
by side. no longer felt hatred toward
him-I could not do that, if Mildred
loved him; but had not reached point
where I could meet him calmly, and [
preferred not to see him at all; and,
strange as it seemed to me at times, he
never sought me.
Step by step advanced in rank, until,
when the battle of Drury's Bluff was
fought, I held Captains commission.
All night we had lain On our arms, and
with the first gray dawn the enemy were
upon u.s. Our regiment as in the thick
est of the fight.
Again and again the Confederates
hurled their forces against Us and were
met by the fercest resistance of our men.
Charge succeeded charge, volley returned
volley, repulse followed repulse; back
ward and forward surged the huge col
umns of men; broken, rallying, retreat
ing, advancing, cheering for victory one
moment, and beaten back by the foe the
next.
The dead, the wounded, the dying lay
in heaps. The wheels of the guns could
not be moved until the windows of dead
were removed. There were few wounded,
nearly ali were killed outright. Carefully
We removed those few and bore them to
the hospital tent in the rear. I was di-
recting my men in the work, when sud-