The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-10-02


father"
A MAN may rot be afraid of danger,
but he looks down in the mouth when
he prepares to descend into a mine.
A DISPATCH saws whisky is going
up in New York" The Workers,
are probably sucking it through straws.
@Ir's 10 more than right"
SO say all the misses,
THAT the boys should bring gumdrops
When we furnish kisses"
No, COLONEL, you cannot lay rail
road with hen tracks any more than
you can get mosquito bill through
Congress.
An exchange speaks of "a new to-
bacco center" An old tobacco scenter
Is the man who smokes vile cigar In
the parlor.
A KANSAS minister says: Il have
been far more useful man since the
Lord revealed to me that was never
to be great man."
"ANoTHER hunting accident" That
seems to be the principal occupation of
Understanding accidents. And they
find them frequently.
IMPERTINENcE: Cabby-Where ara
you BOiHB, SlI vi
your business. Just drive there, and
stop asking impertinent questions.
THERE is no use camping out for the
sake of keeping cool. At The New
York militia encampment the heat was
in tents, just the same as elsewhere.
THE regular recipe: Miss Twinkle
Why, Mr.. Wrinkle, what a cold You
have. Are you taking anything for it
Mr.. Winkle-Yes, ma am; four pocket
handkerchiefs day.
Il CAN'T understand all this fuss
about using electricity for executions"
remarked Judge Lynch, of Kansas, re-
fectively. "Out in our section we have
used the telegraph pole for years.
In the Sullivan case in Mississippi
deputy sheriff couldn't swear that the
ring was in Marion county. Marion Is
the only county in the United States,
then, that hasn't a ring-court house
ring.
A CoUNTRYAIAN had consulted for
tune-teller as to his future You'll be
poor, kind sir, until you're 30" was the
prediction of the Pythoness. "And
then" "Oh after that you'll get used
to it."
A. BEDRIDDEN patient in a Kansas
hospital who was experimental on with
the elixir of life, was able TO leave his
bed the next day. He had to- in fact,
in order to fill place prepared for him
In the cemetery.
A PASSENGER on an ocean steamer
complaining of the untidiness of the
table service, said it didn't look rs
Il. 1.
"Wsiting for it to be washed ashore,
probably" said companion.
WELL, my dear, how would Farmer
Brown suit you for a husband? He
seems uncommon sweet on you lately"
perhaps so, father; but his hair is so
red that" True. true. my child:
but you should recollect that he has
very little of it.
BRAKEMAN-Rushville Nashville!
Train stops here ten minutes for
lunch. Deacon Blossum-Seems TO
me that's a mighty queer rule, Miriam
Gy. Well, let's git out that basket o.
sandwiches quick if we've got to eat
'em in ten minutes.
Miss SLYPPE-Mr Penfeather is so
easily embarrassed. don't you think
asked him yesterday to tell me just
what he really thought of me. and he
was so taken by surprise that he could
not say word. Miss Flvppe-That
was not embarrassment, it was merely
politeness.
"Do YOU belong to the salvation
army?" he asked of stern-visaged
woman who stood at his side. mo, sir;
/ do not. But in this generation of tired
men," she added, with a whitening
glance at the row of sitting males, Il
seem to belong to the standing army"
! She got seat
BLINKs-What has become of De
! Fashion? Jinks-He and his family
are in Europe They wanted TO go, and
/ paid their expenses. "Eh? Wha-
you paid their expenses?" well, it
amounts to the same thing. / saw
their summer cottage advertised for
rent and l rented it"
"VELL, Mr. Isaacstein, how ish biss-
ness?" "Bissness vos poodS good,
aber noding eggstra." Il hat been haf-
ing poody hard time myselluf. Ny
poy laid der fly paper on der chair and
/ sat down on it." "Vhell, how does
dot affect your bissness ?" Il got shtuck
on fiy-paper, don't it ?"
"SAY, Uncle Jake, / won't be sail
orr" "Why not, Fred 2" "'Cause this
book I'm readin' says a ship has span
kerr" But it isn't the sort of spanker
you're thinkin' of Fred" What's the
difference, Uncle Jake?" son board
ship you hoist the spanker, but
ashore the spanker hoists you"
OF TWO EVILS.
"Ah, false, tickle woman" he savagely said
Il hoped once that you d be my wife
And now find out that you are going to wed
An old brute that eats pie with a knife"
Il think il is all for the best Willie dear"
And she let Just one tear slowly fall
Tor II married you, my poor boy, fear
That there would be no pie ut all y