The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-07-26
LIGHT

LIGHT HOODS.
An ardent" lover-tle old topper.
AYoficial who has been fired naturally
burns for revenge.
SHE-All extremely bright men are
awfully conceited, anyway. He-Oh,
Idon't know; I'm not.
PLENTY Of sleep is conducive 10
beauty. Even . garment looks worn
when it loses its nap.
TEAcHER-Name some Of the most
important things existing to-day which
were unknown 100 years ago. Tommy
Us.
WELL, Susan, what do you think Of
married ladies being happy? sWhy, !
think there are more amt that Is thania
that amt"
The proposed bathing-dresses for the
ensuing season remind us strongly OF
the Fiji Island fashion plates in the old
Biographies.
"WHERE are all Dur great menu"
shouted o red-faced orator. SELLING
CRATES right along" said a CRATE and
mantel dealer on the front bench.
ADApPER young kid bought a yacht
And up on the stern Of her gacht,
She made a wild lunge.
He backward did plunge.
And down in the water he sacht.
MAMMA (anxiously)-Don't you think
I had better go with you as c%haperone?
Penelope-By no means, mamma. /
much prefer q chap alone to q chaper.
one.
@You all remember the words Of
Webster" shouted the orator. sNo,
we DON'T" interrupted q man in the
gallery. HE has SO many words I can't
remember more than half of EN-"
CouNsEL-Did you observe anything
particular about the prisoner? Witness
Yes, his whiskers. Counsel-What
did you observe with reference to his
WHISPERS? Witness-That he had
none.
MANAaER-What do you want, MI.
Wauktrak? Mr.. WI want you to raise
my salary. M.-Oh, that's all right.
Mr.. Wanktrak;; TIL do that willingly. ]
was afraid you were going to ask for
some cash down.
Ada fell down o coal hole to-day.
Luckily my hustle held me half way
until a gentleman rescued me. Elsie
Well? Ada-.Well, some brute of q
coal man was in the cellar, and he stole
my shoes and stockings.
LACKING Confdence-Uncle James
(who enjoys q "Barkis" reputation-a
trile near)-"Bobby. what would you
do if I were to give you a bright new
silver dollar? Bobby with q gasp
I'd bite it, Uncle, to see il it was good.
II CAN'T make out, dearest, why you
married me-" said o young bride during
the honeymoon. "Im not attractive
and I'm q shocking housekeeper. j
never could use q broom properly"
"That is just the reason, my DEAR" re-.
turned the husband, whose last wife
could.
FR1END-Has some misfortune be.
fallen you, Uncle? Farmer-Yes, my
wife died las night. @She did? That's
bad" "Bet it air; but I wouldn't q
minded SO much eff she'd q hilt off till
ther crop wuz laid by. IT'S going tel
cost me $15 err month ter gid er han in
'er place."
Mrs. GIBsoN-I had q letter from
Willie to-day. Thomas. He says that
he has had to go through q course Of
Professor Somebody's Greek roots.
Mr.. Cts that SO? Poor hoy! He's
probably bilious. If 1 had him home,
I'd put him through o course of my
herb tea.
MINISTER TnuNDERBoLT-I regret tc
have to u to the Sunday-school
that the late Superintendent, Mr..
Stealem, has left our beautiful city fol
o s%ojourn in Canada. Let this be q
warming to the youth of the school tc
walk in the straight and narrow way.
The school will now join me in singing
that beautiful song. "We shall meet him
over there"
CARE you going to church to-day:
asked Mr.. Orthodox of Mr.. Freethink.
@No," said Mr.. Freethink emphatically
I shall worship in the grand cathedral
of nature" Half an hour later Mr.
Freethink was seated at a rickety deal
table under q dusty tree, listening tc
the notes Of o wheezy orchestrion and
drinking something that looked like
beer.-Puck.
WHAT'S f ADDRESS?
She's decidedly homely; 1 don't like her eyes.
And the shade Of her hair il the tint I despise
Her complexion il bad, unattractive her chin;
Her mouth is too large, her nose is too thin,
But all of these things are but trites in life,
Compared with true graces. I'll make her N,
wife;
For I gave up my seat In the street car to her,
Aud she looked at me kindly. and said, .Thanl
you, SIR"
Omaha World
LEAVE THE KICKER.
@If you are going to camp out in tn,
woods this srimmer and want to enio,