The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-08-08
INA COUNTRY DIToRSSANCTUM
IULTIFARIOUs DUTIES OF A VERSA
TILE GENIUS DESCRIBED.

MULTlFARlOUS DUTIES OF "A VERSA
TILE GENIUS DESCRIBED.
Obituaries and Business Notices, Jokes
and Editorials slung offwIth Equal Apt
ness and Dispatch.
"As we pen these luce" wrote the
able editor. "our lives are rivers of tears
and our soul is fraught with poignant
woe. A gentle, luminous star, that
shone more lustrous than all the stars
around her, has died out and is dead for
ever. Gladys Swivelhurt-Gladys the
beautiful, the young, is dead"
At this juncture the foreman entered
the editors room and reformed him that
a short item was necessary TO fill the last
column on The second page, and the ed
itor wrote this A:
1--WE must h I'VE money to carry on our
business, Several hundred dollarsare
due US, aud il they are not forthcoming
Immediately the accounts will be placed
in the hands of a collector"
Having dashed this off, he continued
the article about the dead one.
"Her life and death reminds me OF the
short but beaut full existence of the flow
er born under smiling skies, nourished
by gentle bretzss, only 10 be cut off by
the pitiless wind from the north. II
seems like an unhallowed dream-that
Gladys is dead but she is dOubly dead,
in that she died so young"
Here he was called to the telephone,
and was instructed by the manager Of
the Brokeslate Coal Company TO write
and print short reading notice for that
corporation, and he at once compiled
this
"Every mans house should be his pal
ace, and palace would be very uncom-
Portable without warmth. The prudent
man will order his coal Of the Brokeslate
Coal Company. This coal is free from
dirt, dust and clinkers. 1t burns freely,
and gives great heat. Purchasers will
always receive full weight, and having
used this coal once will buy no other"
Then the death notice was continued :
alt was in the morning OF the wedding
day the golden glow of the sunlight
streaming into her chamber seemed a
promise of a life of happiness TO come,
but ere the shadow of the evening had
fallen upon the brown earth the deeper
and colder shadows of death dimmed
those tender eyes, left the damp upon
her beautiful brow and all was over"
Here a messenger boy handel him a
note. He read it, and tax ny another
sheet OF paper, soon sent the following
to the printers
flames Cobbleton tells good joke on
Andy Shellborn. For several nights the
latter has been annoyed by cattle which
broke into his yard, causing general hav-
oc. At last, enraged beyond endurance,
he bought gun, and, hearing the usual
racket in the garden about midnight, he
opened the window OF his room and
blazed away. In the morning he found
that he had shot one OF his own COWS,
which had broken from the stable and
wandered into the yard. The laugh is
on Andy"
He again resumed the obituary
"We have watched this young girl
grow from childhood to young and glor
ious womanhood. We have watched her
when she went by like sunbeam and
marveled at her beauty, and to-day we
see the bridal robes substituted by the
clinging cerements of death, and our
tears seem drops of blood ebbing from a
crushed and aDguished heart"
When this was written reporter en-
tered the room and handed him a marked
copy of local contemporary, after read,
ing which he rapidly penned the follow
ing
"The scurrilous dishrag which Is pub
lisbed in an obscure alley in this town
by lop-eared leper who spends his even
ings trying to wash the tar off his body
with benzine, says that we received sol
for supporting General StrutOver for the
office of constable. 1t is scarcely worth
while for us TO brand this az an internal
lie which would make Ananias green
with envy, were it not for the fact that
there are people who do not know the
true character or the moral and physica
wreck making the charge. We do brand
it as lie, therefore, and as lie we will
cram it down the craven throat of tn,
degenerate coward who uttered it,"
The obituary was then taken up again
"In this, the dark hour of our sorrow
we have the sweet consolation of know
ing that the gentle Gladys, too lovely
for the harsh blasts and tempests u
earth, is now where the tear never falls
where the sigh is never heard, where thu
footballs of death never echo on the jas
per streets. We can only hope in thu
uncertain future, when we, too, hav'
crossed the waters of the river of death
we can meet her there ! there where the
chorus swells forever and snowy pinion
fan the perfumed air."
Another telephone message and thu
editor, taking fresh slip of paper, scrib
bled this
"Genial Tom Brighton is going abou
town to-day with broad smile on &C.
count of a handsome boy baby who hal
taken up his abode at the house. Ton
has the congratulations of ye editor"
Then he wrote the final sentences o.
the death notice
"This is indeed a sweet thought, ye
we are stricken with sorrow that in al
the weary years to come we can. heal
her voice no more. But what avail
| words We cannot speak the Thoughts
( that surge through our brain f; the tear
fall from our eyes on the paper before
US and the pen drops from our hand
Peace, eternal peace, to the ashes of heI
that is gone"
The days work was now done.
James" said the editor, YEARLY, tc
the reporter, 'let us go and shake for the
| drinks,-LincO[n (Neb,) Journal