The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-19
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Il Florida alligator hunters say tina
the saurians will be looked upon a
curiosities ten years hence.
i Man seldom amounts to much unit
he gets married. And very often his
usefulness fails to matcrialize them
i Baltimore american.
| -Jarvis-''How true the provcrb is
that man is what his wife make:
him." Jervis-"And how true it is
too, that a man does what his wife
makes him. "-Terre Ha~te Express.
i Husband (soverely)-"What! more
money? Suppose l was dead-you
would have to beg for your cash. u
Wife (calmly)-"It wouldn't be as
though | had never had any practice,
sir. "-JChicago Globe.
Freshly (rising to go)-'I'm sorry
to break up your hand at whist, Miss
Rosalie, but really / can't stay any
/ later" Miss Rosalie-''O. never mind,
Mr.. Freshly; I'm sure we shall get on
with dummy just as well. "-Roston
| Post.
At a public dinner a DISTINGUISHED
statesman was placed between Madame
dc Stael and Madame Recamier. How
lucky l am" said he; ''hcre am
seated between wit and beauty" '.AAd
Without possessing either one or tho
faotRer, 'Fobserved Madame de Stael.
Slavery times were recalled in
Wilmington, n. c., the other day, when
two darkies gotinto loud dispute and
almost came to blows, quarrelling in
regard to the social standing and per-
sonal accomplishments of the men that
owned them before the war.
Nothing better reveals the unset
fishness OF clairvoyants than the fact
that for paltry dollar they will re-
veal to othors the lottery ticket that
will draw the capital prize instead OF
keeping the valuable Information to
themselves and protting by it.-De-
troI Free Press.
! why do you call the photograph
'she?" asked the horse editor of tho
snake editor, who had used the FEM
inlne proaoun in speaking Of mat in
vention. For two reasons. First, it
talks back; second, it always has the
last word. Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Wife CRITICALLY ilD-"What does
the doctor say, George?" Husband -
That you are very, very ill. dear"
Wife CATER short pause) IF should
not get well, George, give my scalskin
sacque to your sister. I'll just let her
see it's real She has more than once
insinuated that it's only plush" -
Epoch.
He was determined to go out ut
the end of every act. Three acts had
been played, and three times had he
scrapod by and trodden on the feet Of
his neighbors. At the end of the fourth
act as he went crashing through tho
narrow space, q lady in the aisle seat
said, in her most dulcet tones: Sir.
trust do not incommode you by sit
ting here"' i. Mews.
The newest thing in wedding tours
is called the Secret Honeymoon"
neither bride nor groom having any
idea where they are going. The idea
is not new. For years many young
people have married without having
any idea whore they were going or
how they were going to get there when
they did know. They didn't have
enough money to go to housekeeping.
-Norristown Herald.
Some of the "chain" or progress
i've" schemes for raising money would
have curious results If carried out.
For instance, one of them calls upon
mo. l" to send ten cents. and send
The appeal to ten other persons, each
of whom is to do likewise, the process
being repeated fifteen times. Now if
| this chain should not be broken it
would reach 1.111.111,il1,11 ,110 peo-
pie, an impossibility of course, and
would net the author of the scheme
$1l1.111.111,111.1l1.-N. Y. Tribune.
Judge Why did you attempt to
throttle your friend, here?' Prisoner
He called me a liar" Judge
what caused him to address that op-
probrious epithet to you?' Prisoner
II was telling him that my grand
father is still living at the age OF 10y,
and" Judge THAT certainly
offered him no excuse" Prisoner
was telling him that my grandfather
is still living at the ago OF 107, and
-" Judge-''That certainly offered
him no excuse" Prisoner-"I went
on to say thai my aged relative doesn' t
retain his hearing, can't read without
the aid of glasses and is not in the
habit of walking ten miles or saving
three cords OF wood before breakfast. "
Judge--''Then you are o liar. They
all do."-Lfc.
The Extent of His Business.