Omaha daily bee., 1889-08-11
BUzZiNGS.

OF our older customs we derive from Old
England, and there in ye olden tyne gem
tlemen were expected to be too drunk by 8
o'clock to transact business, and therefore it
was made illegal for governmental bodies to
sit after 8 o'clock. Hence the law governing
our courts martial.
-.
"There goes the finost lot OF boys, ,"--said
a young business man to the Buzzer, as
q squad of policemen marched past under q
sergeant, to their beats. The Buzzer looked
somewhat astonished, when he continued
"tnat ever robbed hen roost."
snow you see that stoop shouldered police
man there with a profusion of long, ragged
whiskers, and the lunch basket know
him. Why, he couldn't catch a street car II
he had three fly coppers' to head it off,"
~ said to him one day, you'd be In a nice
fx II you tried to arrest a fellow some time
and he got his fingers in your whiskers.
wouldn't youl'
"'Why. I'd take me billy and club the
dom'd head off'n him, that's what I'd do, be-
gorry,' he replied"
"My friend" said l. "he would have
enough Of whiskers to stuff mattress be.
fore you could get at it,"
"'Well.' said this economical officer re-
wudnt itl Say, can't you say something,
today"
EYES," continued the business man, "'our
finest make me very tired. Some of them
don't know enough to pound sand down
rat hole with an elm club, but some of them
are fairly intelligent and do good work."
mot very long ago was going home from
the club where little party of us had been
playing Might've to tinish.' 1t was few
minutes after midnight. When within a
block of my house policeman stopped me,
and in thick, fragrant brogue asked me
what l was prowling around for at that hour.
told him l was going home, and gave him
my name (Which is well known in Omaha, by
the way).
"P'fwat hev yez got under yer arm there" "
he asked. 81 don't consider it any Of your
busin esss' replied. 81 have answered your
questions, and ! consider your interference
an impertlnence."
With this he bridled up, and flourishing his
baton, saiu: 81 am an officer av the la-a,
and Ill vag ye, Come along wild me-"
Isaw the predicament was in, and real
lied that my wife was waiting up for me,
and would be very much worried If 1 failed
to come home, so / said, Hold on,
officer, ~ don't want to go down to that
beastly police station" Then l told him
more minutely who was, showed him my
house and told him / only had some flannel
shirts that 1 had purchased that day, in the
bundle under my arm."
"He then graciously consented to walk
down to my house with me to verify my
statement, remarking on the way, "Ye'd
betther kape civil tongue in ye're head,
young fely, when ye meet an officer OF the
la-a"
II could have reported him, but what good
would it have done. His superiors would
have said he was justified in stopping me and
enquiring into my business ut that hour OF
the night, and would get the laugh"
''Rats," he concluded Ia good many OF
them make me tired ! wouldn't mind it so
much if they only had horse-sense I wonder
if they couldn't accumulate little horse
sense if they were 20 persue diet OF baled
hay. I believe Hi suggest it to the police
commission"
~
A short time ago young practiclng physi-
clan of this city was called upon to attend
Finlander who had broken one of his legs.
The man laid in nondescript shanty upon
the bottoms, and, putting it mildly, the sur
roundngs were somewhat uncleanly. The
mans leg was set In plaster of paris moulds,
and the doctor visited him daily. Upon one
of these visits the physician found lar ge
bowl of cream topped milk upon the table,
and beside it plate of bread. He helped
himself, dipping the bread in the cream and
then eating it, and found the combination
very palatabie. The good woman of the
house could not speak word of English, but
noticing tha avidity with which the doctor
devoured the bread and cream, she was par
ticular to have goodIy supply of
each upon tho table at the hour for the
| physcian's daily call. She refused to accept
pay for these little luncheons and so the
| good doctor would leave q bright quarter
! with one Of the chilcren each morning, One
day he CHANGED to make his call at an earlier
hour than usual, and while examining the
mans leg, his hand came in contact with a
| sticky doughy substance, He threw back
| the covers and there, close beside his patient
| was pan of dough, set to raise by the ma
| tural neat of the mans body, custom very
| prevalent among the inhabitants of tho Ice
| bound regions. That morning, and upon all
| mornings thereafter while the doctor at
| tended the case, the cream and bread ap"
appealed to him in vain, and the youngsters
missed their bright quarters.
~.
There resides upon West rarnan street
most reputable young married man, who,
for many months past has been martyr to
insomnia. He tried about all the alleged
remedies the market affords, and had about
resigned himself to his uncnviable fate, when
friend suggested that he try drinking a
small glass Of whisky before retiring for the
night The young man had never drank any
liquor in his life, but thought he would try
the recommended remedy, and with this OBJ.
ject in view he purchased half pint of "Old
| Crow" Inexperienced in the use of liquor,
and unacquainted with its effect, this mis-
guided young fellow, thinking he would bo
sure to bring about the desired result, drank
the whole half pint and rolled INTO bed. He
went to sleep all right, but before long, with
difficulty, was aroused by his wife, who was
ignorant OF her liege lords condition,
and told to go TO tho front door, as
some one was knocking. He took his
staggering away through tho hall, and with
out stopping to make any inquiries, threw the
door wide open. Under the full glare OF the
hall light he stood In robe de mutt before the
astonished gaze Of the estimable daughter OF
the landlady and her best young man. The
situation was embarrassing to the two. but