davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

Joaquin Miller, who, sitter he went into
Wall street and lost his little pile, used
70 rii at the rich and reFile leading New
York capitalists, has become a capitalist
himself Some years ago be bought 200
acresof land near san Francisco, and now
they have become valuable for town lots.
The poet says that be shall spend The re
mainder Of his days on the Pacific
slope.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

II is said that the common eoweatcher
attachment to locomotives is about the
only article Of universal use that was
never patented. It's inventor was D. B.
Davies, Of Columbus, who found his
model IN the pillow. Red lights on the
rear car Of trains, It is further said, were
adopted at the suggestion of the late Mrs.
swisshelm, STR .eeE railway accident in
which she had narrow escape.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

81 don't care what you care or don't
care, returned Mrs. Highstrung, with
some vehemence. ''This war is about
seals and if England wins they can charge
any price they please for seal-skin
sacques, and amt got one yet. If war
breaks out you've got to go and fight fer
y'r country, dye heart n-Ne1 York
Weekly.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
NOT UNDER THAT CHARGE.

ssWhat's the trouble about this
woman2" said the Judge.
''Why, your honor, she keeps quarrel
ing and fussing, and won't give her
neighbors any peace whatever"
aThen why don't you charge her with
oeing common scoldl"
ssBecause she amt common scold
she's exceptional. y Washington Critic
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
THINGS BEST LEFT uNsA1p.

The Doctor-''I think, my dear sir,
that it would be better to have a con
sultation; your wife is seriously ILL.,"
Anxious Husband-"Therel 1 told
my wife long ago she ought to have
proper medical advice, but she was so
afraid of hurting your feelings. Lon
don Standard.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
SWALLOWS Trained as Messengers.

Swallows are being trained as messen-
gers in France. Recent experiments at
Roubaix prove that swallows can carry
dispatches quite as well as pigeons, and
the scheme is now to be officially tested
at Lille by Government expert. If the
trials are satisfactory, swallow cot will
be established at Mount Valerien, near
Paris. Carrier pigeons will be extensive.
ly used during the coming German army
maneuvres, at Emperor Williams special
request.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
A SAFE pErosrrrse VAULT.

Johnny-''W hat did the minister mean
when he said something about a place
where thieves do not break through and
steal?'
Mr.. Dumpsey-''He referred to your
mothers dress pocket, my son. "-La1-
renee american.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

sweet love letters to-day, and came across
passage in which you said; ''There is
no one your equal in this wide, wide
world"
Husband with groan)-"And am
still of the same opinion. '-Kearney
Enterprise.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
A TERRIBLE BuRpEE.

Clara-"What terrible noise that
wagon makes"
George-"Yes, it's terrible, isn't it?''
"What makes it groan so, George2"
''Why, it is filed with green apples.
Cfgfes1a1n
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

William Sye, the humorist and philoso-
pher, sagely and wittiiy remarks that
there are two kinds Of baldheaded men.
Some are said on the outside and some
are bald on the inside.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

Proprietor (of cheap restaurant
eyes, want to hire a man. Are you
willing to do any kind of work."
Applicant-"oh, yes; am perfectly
willing to do any kind of work but eat
here, sir. Time.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

e.William!" exclaimed Mrs. High
strung, as she laid down the paper,
There is likely to be war with Eng
land over Behring Sea.
"What do care9" growled her spouse,
who took no interest in military matters.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

He-"And now, dear, since we are
safe on the train, why do you seem so
sadl"
She (pettishly)-''We were not even
chased. I don't think it was one bit 70
mantic,"
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
FI.onRED AGAIN.

Husband-''The paper says that the
palmer a woman dresses, the more her
taste is admired"
Wife-''Yes, by misery husbands. =
Boston Courier.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

Mr.. Bultitude-'tYoung Mr.. Pawdle
wants me to give him position in the
office, Flora. You're acquainted with
him Is he a man Of hrains2'i
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Miss Keeter-Had a Good Claim
After the Elopement-He Drew
the Line-A Judge of
Art-E Etc, Etc.

She's as dainty and as quaint asa
Little miss as haunts the park;
She adores me, though she bores me,
When she meets ne in the dark
Softly sings she-gently swings she,
Pound and round my rustic chair.
Near and nearer-clear and clearer
Fairy music floats in air.
Now she presses soft caresseS
On my sun burned, humid brow
While she woos me, sleep pursues me
Dreamy visions come and-O-o-w!
Time.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
Labrador Home Life in Winter.

If there be anything ike a social or
hOme-life in Labrador, it exists exclusive
ly in the long, frozen night of the win
IL
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

T. is estimated that Dncle samuel VIII
pay cut ct least 81, 500, 600 in artificial
legs and arms in 1880.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

Persons whose favorite occupation is
rolling a lawn-mower cannot be said to
be wanting in push.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

According to the recent statistics, there
are at present 500 men in New York city,
each of whom could check 81, 600, O0e
from the banks.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29

THE WIND TAKEN OUT OF HER SAILS.
''Mr. McCliutock, " shouted his better
half, ~ want you to take your feet of
the parlor table"
'sMrs. McClintock," he said, in a
fixed, determined voice, ~ allow only
one person to talk to me that way"
"And who is thatl" she demanded.
e'You, my dear" he replied softly, as
he removed the pedes.-Judge.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
AnLEss BUT EFFEcTryE.

"Do you ever go huntingl"
''No, but my wife does"
''Your wife2"
yes"
''What for?"
"Oh, for burglars, or fire, or paregoric,
or trouble, or my salary; it's always hard
to tell in advance. y Washington Capital.
The San Saba news. [volume] (San Saba, Tex.) 1873-1966, 1889-11-29
Bathing OF the CoromandeI Coast.

themselves.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01
BILLINGS PHILOSOPHY.
Some Of tho Wise Sayings of the Lamente,

Some OF tho Wise Sayings of the Lamented
Josh.
The way to git ennything IL to ackt
just az tho yu didn't kare whether yu
got it or not.
1t IL az diffikult to define a sickness
az it IL to ackount for the meazles.
1t is dredful eazy for a man to dis
Pie ritches who haz got about two
hundred and so thousand dollars we'll
invested.
If fortune haz emmy favorites, it IL
not the Indifferent. but it IL thoze
whom we hav to pay to git rid ov their
teazing.
Luv il like the meazles; If we hav
really got them. they are sure to sho.
When man il pulled up with a
harmless kind ov pride that don't do
any hurt, it IL a krewel piece of bizz-
ness to take the konsait out ov him; it
il az krewel az to pull the feathers out
ov pekok's tale.
Every one who trades with the devil
expekts to git the best ov him, but I
never hav seen it did yet.
One reason why advise costs so little
IL bekause every one haz sum of it to
spare.
We are so avarishus that even when
we trade with ourselfs we go for git
ting the best end ov the bargain.
My philosophical kreed iz-'Eiv q
bear the whole Of the road If he will
take it,"
l. no o,,fn 10 iSfn hi
kan almost always find out what IL in
a mans he'd, but the things that sleep
in the heart are often unknown even to
the possessor.
My sentimental kreed iz-"Straw-
berries and kream If they are handy;
if not, kream anyhow:
It may be difikult to decide which
men persew the most eagerly, interest
or fame.
Yu kan find men who will sumtimes
repent ov sin, but seldum ov q blum
der.
Thare il nothing SO natral az to lie,
and then dodge behind it.
Mankind kan be divided into two
heaps, and not wrong them mulch
heap ov geese and heap ov gam
ders.
l observe more phools among the
old men than do among the old VIM
min.
think am honest when say thare
liz no man who luvs to be praised more
than do. or who hates to be fattered
worse.
l would rather watch two raskals
than one phool.
To kno hoaO to talk liz a CRATE art.
but to kno ao'sen liz a crater.
The only sure way to keep a skeret
IL to forget tn. Y. Weekly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01
THE SOUTHERN GROSS.

A Constellation Which Australians Have
Chosen for an Emblem.
I have seen the announcement of a
book called Under the Southern
Cross" That means a great many
countries. over half hemisphere, says
traveller writing from Australia. for
the cluster is visible iA ten and fifteen
north latitude, Or even further north
of the equator. have often mentioned
the brilliance of the stars of the south,
and here was this beautiful constella-
ton of the cross (crux) wheeling
around us, barely dipping to the hori-
zon at her least Or lowest sweep. The
Consul General for Australia said to
me one day: Captain, do navigators
use the north star and southern cross
as beacons Or guides when projecting
their courses over the vast northern
and southern oceans?" l looked at
him moment and saw he was not
quzzing me, for he was an educated
man, and replied: mo, sir; not as a
rule. The star Polaris will do in the
north Atlantic. e., when she has,
say, an altitude of reasonable height,
but is seldom used now, in these days,
and south of twenty degrees north lati-
tude never, for then she is seen too
dimly. The southern cross never. for
only when it is on our meridian is it
directly south, although Polaris, on
the contrary, varies from the true north
only a small amount; she is north her.
self. May ask why you propose this
question, sir?" He said that on the last
Sabbath in church the clergyman an
nounced that the marines made con-
slant use of the north star and the
southern cross as guides over the track
less ocean, and he (the ConsuD was not
SO sure of it. 1t is said that King Cete-
wayo, when in church in England,
heard the minister make such foolish
remark that he arose, gathered his
toggery about him, and said gravely
to his attendants: Come. let us 60"
/ should have done the same if / had
been where our Consul was. 1t is thus
that often learn how men appear, no
matter how great they are, when they
do not know what they are talking
about; for instance, the Kennebecker
talking about spiritualism or any kind
of religion.
Well, the Australians have captured
the beautiful cross of stars that wheel
over their heads, chosen it for an en-
blem (of trials, perhaps, or to apply to
themselves as a crucial test), and
placed it in the field of their flag, with
the English Union Jack in the upper
corner. They are ahead SO
far as the cross is concerned, and prob
ably the book means Australia" and
its crucial test.-Boston journal.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01
The Cases Different.

'.Mr. Skinnphlint." exclaimed the
driver of that gentleman's delivery
wagon. as he rushed into the store ex-
citedly. ..my wagon was run into by q
heavy-loaded truck a little while ago
at street crossing, and"
IF my property has been injured in
consequence of your carelessness.
James, - said Mr.. Skinnphlint. sternly,
II shall, of course expect you to make
the loss good.
Injured" replied the driver. 'my
wagon wasn't hurt bit. The truck
lust prazed it But the fellow that
was drivin' it turned so short that a
box OF fancy candies tumble of his
load into my wagon and / didn't find
it out till he got out OF my sight. I
don't know who he was, and the box
amt marked. In case like this
suppose there would be no harm II I
kept"
James, !" said Mr.. Skinnphlint. '.yon
may give me that box OF candies. ~
Chicago Tribune
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01
PiTH AND POINT.


Fetters OF gold are still letters.
and silken cords pinch.
The woman who lives in vanity
lives in vain. Merchant Traveller.
Pride makes some men ridiculous
but prevents others from becoming so.
"A good resolution is = fine start
Ing point, but as . terminus It has NO
value. Truth.
Doubt is the vestibule which All
must pass before they can enter into the
temple of wisdom.
Nothing more completely BAN es
one who is full OF trick and duplicity
himself. than straightforward and
simple integrity in another.
1t is greater thing to maintain q
brave and self-respecting silence than
to defend ones self to no purpose. -
Origen.
If you tell friend your troubles
and he weeps with you it is not for
your trouble that he weeps, but at the
recollection of his own.-Atchison
Globe.
People who are constantly COM
planning that life is burden to them
seem surprised at the intimation that
they are making it burden to every
body else Merchant Traveller.
When you are young grief is
tempest which prostrates you; at ma
ture age it is simply a north wind
which adds a wrinkle to your brow and
hot 70
A great deal is said of the demon
alizing influence OF q prize-fght. There
Is no danger that a contest of this kind
will add any thing to the demoraliza-
ton of the crowd that usually witness
it.-Chicago Tribune.
-Affiiction acts like the wind upon
the trees, making them take deeper
root; it is the moving of the grass that
it may shoot up thicker and greener;
it is the shaking of the torch that it
may burn brighter. -Bonar.
The insolent civility of proud
man is, if possible, more shocking than
his rudeness could be; because he
shows you, by his manner. that he
thinks it mere condescension in him,
and that his goodness alone bestows
upon you what you have no pretense
to claim. Chesterfield.
They have useful mission who,
proportionately, devote themselves to
telling the world its sins, pointing ont
its mistakes, and rebuking its perver-
stiles. But if one do that and nothing
else he is sure to grow into a sour and
disagreeable fault-finder, whose words
are become of no effect, and who is
personally disliked and avoided. We
must acknowledge the good If we are
to help destroy the bad.-United Pres
byterian.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01
NEW ENGLAND ENGLISH.
Gems of Yankee Speech, Collected by
Boston Paper.

Gems of Yankee Speech, Collected by q
Boston Paper.
Your challenge reminds me of re-
mark overheard by visitor at farm
house at early dawn on a summer
morning: Eye amt got milestone
you hain't a-goin's to use to-day, be
YEP"
If this did not give the nearer an ap-
petite for breakfast he must have been
beyond the reach of tonics.
Two or three packages inclosing
grammatical gems have also reached
me from down East. One brings the
somewhat familiar phrase: HE done
Splendid" in this case said to have
been spoken by a woman of "some
wealth and more pretension," with re-
gard to her sons proficiency at school.
The other specimen is thus presented
by my correspondents:
A woman called upon a friend who
was recovering from long illness and
the following conversation ensued:
well, 'Gusta, how be you to-dayp'
Better"
''Be? Glad you ISL
Other gems must '.stand over" as
editors say, until more convenient
season, but shall find room for the
following-also in the form of dia-
logue:
Scene, a farmhouse by the roadside,
D. calling to Captain B., who
is driving past:
Captain B, stop! wanted tel
have seen if could have got your
horse to have went to Fitchburg 70
morrow!''-Boston Post
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01
Copyrighted, 1891


CHAPTER IV.-CONTINUED.
81 don't want it," but the muzzle of her
pistol was lowered, and he came up quite
close, and leaned on the gate post. "Go on,
90 on, you thievin' vagabond"
"Young lady, honor any person who de-
tends their principles. would not call a
Confederate thief unless knew he was
one'
"But you have plenty Of thieves in Lin
coins abolition army"
'sYou speak too truly. There are thieves
and plunderers in our own little band. was
forced to knock one down and bayonet an
other only yesterday to save the house of a
Southern man from being burned. But
am not a thief" Her eyes dropped, while a
faint flush swept over her pretty face.
Taking this as a favorable sign Luke con-
tinued:
SIT is my determination to protect your
home from destruction. Our men, half a
thousand strong, are coming; but 1 am
able to save your house from being burned
and yourself from insults. VIII you let
me?"
eyes," she answered, family.
ssThen run down that flag, and carry it to
the house"
''Neverl will shoot the first man who
touches it.''
''Nobody shall touch it if you will take it
down. If you don't, they will not only take
it down, but burn your house, and I could
not promise to shield even yourself from
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01
PERFUMES OF FLOWERS.

How to Produce and Store Sweet OdOrs
for Parlors and BoudOirs.
Boxes of heliotrope, mignonette and
pansies, placed in windows, will
sweeten the air of all dwellings,.
The seamstress and all of the labor
ing classes should have sweet-scented
plants blooming in their windows to
keep the atmosphere fresh and pure,
and act as a disinfectant. We can also
use the petals of roses, violets, pinks,
tuberoses, etc. to produce a sweet per-
fume for the parlor or boudoir; and by
the aid of modern science it can be
very easily done.
Fill small, wide-mouthed jar with
ether. and use a glass stopper, dipped
in glycerine. to thoroughly exclude
the air. Fill this jar with the fresh
petals of any fragrant plant, cut after
the dew is dry; and only the petals
should be used; but clusters of hello
trope can be cut off close to the stem.
Ether possesses the property of taking
up the fragrant particles from the
flowers, and every day the old petals
must be taken out and new ones added.
Quantities of flowers are required, but
when the ether is all evaporated it
will leave an essential oil of the
flower, and three or four drops of it,
added to deodorized alcohol, will give
a delicious extract.
All delicious odors can be imprisoned
in deodorized alcohol, which is made
by filtering pure spirits through ami
NAL charcoal or bone-black in powder.
1t can be used over many times, and a
thick flannel bag. with wire run
around the top, will make good filter.
Fill it with bone-black and pour in the
alcohol, hanging the bag over a bowl,
so that the liquid will drop into it.
Take jars as described above and fill
half full with alcohol, and then fill up
with peach leaves, lemon peel, slices
of pineapple, raspberries, cherries,
straw berries-indeed, any thing from
which you may desire to extract es-
sence, and you will have as fine an as
sortment of essences as the manu-
facturer can furnish you.-Household.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01

In Italy, that Mortier was one Of his
best Generals, that it was Moreau who
betrayed him, and that Murat, King of
Naples, was the first martyr to his
cause. Marie Louise shared the cul-
minating point of his fortunes, Mos
cow was the scene of his greatest dis
aster, and it was Metternich who de-
feated him in the field of diplomacy.
No less than six of his Field Marshals
and twenty-six of his best Generals
had names beginning with NJ, and
Maret, Duke of Bassano, was his most
trusted confident. His very first
battle was that of Moulnotte, and his
last that of Mont Saint Jean, subse-
quently and more universally known
as Waterloo. Among his victories
were those of Millesimo, Mondovi,
Montmirail, Monterean and Montmar-
tire. His first Chamberlain was NJ de
Montesqieu, his last residence in
France was at Malmaison. He sur
rendered himself to Captain Maitland
of Her British Majesty's ship Bellero-
phon, and his attendants at ST. Helena
were Montholon and Marchaud.
The superstition attached by Ma
poleon III, to the letter NJ may he ac-
counted for by the fact that his wife
was Countess of Montijo. that his
most intimate friend was the Duke of
Morny, and his most dreaded enemy
Manzini. The most glorious feats of
arms by the French army during his
reign were the capture of the Malakoff
and of the green Mameleh during the
Crimean war. His most famous Field
Marshals were Mcmahon, Duke of Ma
genta and the Duke of Maiakoff. The
great victory of Solferino in 1889 took
place on the banks of the Mincio. and
the cities of Mantua and Milan played
an important role during the cam
paign. The Mexican war and the exc
cution of Emperor Macmillan caused
his power to wane perceptibly.
was the name of his most
intimate friend in English political
life. Sedan, which witnessed his fall,
is on the banks of the Meuse; the sur
render of Metz rendered his restora-
ton to power impossible, and Moltke
was the name of the man to whose
genius he chiefly owed his defeat-N.
Y. Times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01

row. In a moment both lines OF battle wefe
wrapt in flame and smoke Whistline
shots, dying groans, the cries of the
wounded and the shouts of the combatsnts,
mingled with the incessant rattle of small
arms, awed all peaceful sounds of nature tc
silence.
The Union forces seemed reused to a
pitch OF enthusiasm bordering unto frenzy.
Their only hope was to break through the
enemy's ranks and press on to Cairo. The
rebels, astounded and dismayed at the vlgor-
Gus assault from a force whose numbers
they had all along underestimated. gave
way and began retreat, which threatened
to be panic.
A small body Of Confederate cavalry was
seen to turn off to the left and enter a
grove of trees about one mile from the con-
hlct. Captain Mason at once suggested to
Colonel Smart the plan of cutting them Oh.
and the Colonel falling into the idea de-
tailed him at the head of fifty mounted
men to do the work. Though Luke was an
infantryman it was an easy matter to
transfer him to the cavalry, an extra horse
was all that was required.
Away they went at a gallop down a lane.
clrcling about a wheatfield, coming up to
the grove where the Confederates had Leen
seen to enter. Without any precautions,
oAAS
wood, and soon came upon half dozen
horsemen gathered about wounded officer
who, unable to go further, was lying on the
ground. Another Confederate officer had
dismountcd and was binding up his
wounds.
''Surrender!" cried Luke, galloping for
ward with drawn sword.
Hold! Luke Mason" cried familiar
voice, sis it you who are bounding US to
deathl"
Luke drew rein and gazed upon the de-
FAINT face of the brave young officer before
him. His troopers crowded forward, their
double-barreled shot-guns cooked, and
Luke began to fear that he would be power
less to prevent an attack. 1t was Lilies
brother, his best friend, what was he to
do?
''Do we meet as friends or foes?' Albert
Neff asked. eve are but half dozen who
have left the main body of the army to care
for wounded comrade, you are fifty :;
but if you say battle to the death, so shall
it ben
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-08-01

A farmer in Wilson County, Tex,
reports some rather remarkable re-
suits of experiments in cotton plant
ing. His purpose was to ascertain the
result of planting in rows OF different
widths. Most of the cotton was plant
ed in the usual width, but five acres
were planted with the rows eight feet
apart, and he reports that the cotton
in this field did not cease growing the
entire year and made twice as much to
the acre as that planted the usual
width.