The Dickinson press., 1889-05-18

. Nilu IlluCIl Vi OUT early history,
but Is at present one of the distinguishing
marks whereby to test the genuine Bost"nian.
"A stomach that will stand the demands made
for gastric juice by tho miscellaneous insr,.
dents that go to form any ono of our typical
pies must surely have something in common
with the moral and mental forces that have
given our institutions their undoubtcd pre-.
eminence. And that n pic catin. population
is likely to arrive at the highest stage of
humoG development is attcstcd by tho sum
mts we have reached in intellectual and
physical fields. Not only have We produced
poets and philosophers. but also pugilists and
wrestlers.
a "A FOR LAO PIES.
What a mighty achievement this is will he.
come evident to tho most superficial observer
when he learns that a physician of n studious
turn of mind has calculated that every lie
taken into the human stomach abbrevi,les
tho life of the possessor of that onlac by ut
least one minute. Tint is to say, when you
have eaten LAO pies, you have subtracecd
one day from tho whole number of days
which the Creator was willing you might ;isc.
Perhaps you will laugh now, and say that you
will not eat LAO pies in a Lifetime. Very
well. Granted that you would not. Howdo
you know that you will not have just finished
your l,4lOth pic when a minute that might
have been saved by refusing that l,f1Oth,
would have prolonged your heart beats for a
space sufficient to give you almost q fresh
starta Again, the studious physician says
that, after You have eaten your fftieth pic,
tho dcstructibility increases, and thenceforth
two minutes are "dockcd" from your time
for every pie dcvoured, and so on i'll proper
ton until by and by a pic takes al hour from
tEp rrry,n, y,oricl ~f ,-o,,r -,e&o,,, Tl,uo
fore, consider well these facts before you in
sist on obtaining culture by means of tho pie,
and at tho expense of a green old age.
was eating in n New York restaurant
onca when a man whom l had scarcely no.
ticctl said to lie:
"Hcw's Sullivan
":Srllivan!" l replied; what Sullivan"
"Why, John L.; you como from Boston,
don: you"
"Ycs, lcalne from Boston" I replied. but
how did you know thats"
oh" said he, with q grin, ~ heard you
call for pic"
1t is almost unnecessary 10 state that the
names of the ideal Boston pics aro apple,
mlncc, squash. pumpkin, custard, lemon,
Washington, peach, plum, cherry, berry,
cream, cranberry, rhubarb, cocoanut and
strawberry shortcakc. Tho latter, | believe,
is not called n pie, because in n pic the upper
and lower crusts are affectionately stuck on
each other, which is not strictly the case in
strawberry shortcake. Any maker or seller
of pies si!l tell you that tho sales of apple
pies exceed those of any other.
Apple pics, when made of tho seasons
apple, aro n triilc less destructive chan any
other species.
Mincc pies, when made of mince, are less
harmful than those mincc pies not made of
haincc; but mincc or no mince, they do moro
thinking for a man than any other kind Of
pie, and arc therefore the intellectual pic par
excellence.
Squash and mincc pics are very inoffensivc
when eaten without crust. Tho Same thing
is true of custard pie. Yet the characters
tic traits of the eggs made in making these
pics may modify this statement somewhat.
The lemon pie is tho favorite with young
housekeepers. Newly married men arc
specially warned against this pic.
Washington pie, when not made too high,
can be taken in by the ordinary mouth.
Otherwise it must be well janmcd. A friend
of mine says that this pie was named after
the great George, because ho was very fond
of it. This conflicts with tho popular theory
which assigns cherry pie the first place in
Georges menu.
Peach pie, if fairly free from stones, can be
eaten as easily as any pie.
Plum pic is, next to bona fde mince, the
rarcst pie in the market.
Berry pic is one of the handiest pies afloat,
have known boarding houses to tide over q
very dull summer on this interesting product.
Cream pie, cranberry pie and rhubarb pie
have never done anything to warrant special
mention.
FROM BOSTON TO PATAGONIA.
"How many pies arc eaten in Boston dur
ing ono yearT | asked a we'll known baker
the other day.
81 have made u very interesting ~calcula-
tion,' y was the reply, and know that it will
make you smile. calculate that there are
25,OUu,000 pies eaten in this city during one
year. Surprising those pies to be sold for ten
cents each, which is q low estimate, and you
havo $22,50O,O00 Making another calculation,
l find that there are over 1851 miles of pies
made in Boston i'll one year. In other words,
II tho pies made in Boston during the year
lSSS were placed one after another they
would reach from Boston to ST. Georges bay,
Patagonia; or in a n~orthwcsterly direction to
tho west coast of Alaska, near Behring's
strait; or changing the direction again, to
Constantlnople, or again, to Loango, i'll AT
RIGA, or to the Baltic sea, or to west Egypt,
or the Gulf of Guinea, and add those pics
made in Chelsea for tho Same period and the
line would reach to Babylon, or to the
Society islands, in tho Pacific. There are
some horses who will refuse to go even When
Il bundle of hay is moved at u distance from
them. But you hold u quarter of pie before
q well developed boy and he will run hi,
shoes off. l have heard of n boy who brought
home a good from school every day for /;
year, receiving a section of pie for ca,..
good The boy did not live to ate.
school another year"
The magpie is not a Boston pie.
1t is u prevalent mistake to suppose thai
George Washington was found guilty of cut
ting down a cherry tree. | am assured that
it was a cherry pie George cut with his littl.
Ratchet.
Printers pie is a very ir~religious pic, bein:
frequently made by tho devil, and provoke
more swearing than any other kind Of pie
E. F. Burns in Boston Globe.