The morning news., 1889-02-07
BRIGHT BITS.

Two LITTLE MOBILE BOYS were fishing from a
wharf the other day, when one Of them fell into
the water The other rushed up to a deck hand.
e1claiming: Save him, mister! He's got de
atel'-Burltn2t0n Free Press.
HE-WeIl, may hope then, dearest, that at
some time | may nave the happiness of making
She--Yes. hope SO, l am sure lam tired Of
SUNG fellows for breach Of promise -Teras
SifiagS.
u SUPPOSE, said Upton meekly to the real
estate agent. that If hire this fiat from Won
Will be allowed to sleep in it when l am tired .
ell yes, returned the autocrat adding a
new clause TO the conditions of the lease, pro.
Vlded you don't snore. Puck
NIBBLE-What kind of a table did Mrs. Hash
croft set while you were boarding there, Wac.
Wabbe-I haven't the least idea. A pretty
young widow was boarding there at the same
time was.-Ierre Hditte Express.
ARE you not ashamed, cousin, to kill a pretty
little bird like that:''
But, my dear girl, thought it would look so
well In your hat"
True, | didn't think Of that, It's exactly the
same shade of gray. You are kind. ."-JudGe
Nor AN APPROPRIATE SUBJECT How did Won
get along at schoo today, Tom?" asked the old
man at the supper table.
Papa, our physiology says that conversation
at meals should be Of a pleasant character - re-
Piled Tommy. Let's talk about the minstrels -
--Te1re HGute hrpress.
JosLEY-What is the play tonight?
Flnhorn-Sort of variety, pink tights and
blonde wig affair
Jobley- Not exactly the show to take a wife
to, eh2
Finhorn-Well no-at least not your own wife.
-Te1Te Hdute ErDreSs
A BAD -"Emeline" said the mother of
that enchanting young lady, do you think hat
to your
I'm afraid not, mother" replied Emelne
sadly. tie was Dragging about his appetite
only yesterday. - Chicago AeWS.
THE latest novelty in decanters is a musical
affair, which plays Comm Ihro' the Rye IS
When the Corn is Waving and The Wind
that Shakes the Barley" Very appropriate;
but to the lIst o tunes should be added Hard
Times, Dear Fat er, Come Home and We
Won't Go Home Till Morning. ''-YorrlSt tom
Herald.
THE MINIsTER-As your guardian Lucille |
must insist u on your regular attendance at
devotional services.
His charre-Why. then, guardy. what makes
needn t insist at all I've got new love of a
bonnet and perfect dream of a wrap and I'd
Just as lief go as not-Judge.
WRITER SAYS that the ancient Romans had
no word for yes. But We would be willing to
wager fosSilized cooky that when Claudius
somebody asked Appius somebody else if he
would Ike to meander down the Appian WAY TO
certain apotnecary's shop with back room
ion in the language equivalent to Don't care il
do BertiHgt0R Free Press
THE FATAL BARRIER.-"Miss Carmine," he
pleaded, the love bear you cannot he meas
ured 10y mere words. Il is ineradics BILE. indis-
tingulshabll infinite. Will you be lnine?n
Mr.. Bolts" replied Maria Carmne, Il feel
deeply the great honor you have conferred upon
ME. But there is between US a fatal barrier [
can never marry man who wears a silk hat
and a sack coat at the same time. -Clothier
ana furHisher.
LAWYER (airily)-Nothing to worry about; l
can find dozen responsible witnesses to prove
that cider is not intoxicating.
Saloonkeep eper-But the prosecution has got a
dozen 10 prove that it is. They intend 70 show
that it will makesa man feel like dancing jigs
on his great aunt's grave and numbering his
grandmother.
Nonsense. whereTare they to get such wit
Desses?N
In Jersey
my My If they are going to put Jersey
men on the stand, we are lost -Paiiadetpht "a
Record