The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1889-07-03


slopes covered with natures beautiful
green carpet and adorned with large forest
trees and shrubbery, under and among
which are obelisks, monuments, tombs,
statuary, either of white marble or the
darker but more polished granite. The
number, size, magnifcence and imposing
proportions of many Of these mausoleums
have to be seen to be realized. No mere pen
description can do justice to them or the
beauty of the surroundings.
When l got to the cemetery expected
to walk, see every thing that was to be seen
by strolling over the grounds, but gave ur
that idea when learned that there were
thirty miles of carriage drives alone, 30
abandoned my pedestrian proclivities, and
climbed into one Of the vehicles that was
for hire. The back seat of the vehicle was
already occupied by man and his wife.
The husband was middle-aged, f0rid-
faced man, who was under the influence Of
some such stimulant as beer or wine. His
wife seemed to be of a more sentimental
and retiring nature. The driver of the
vehicle was not mere prosaic Jehu. Be-
sides steering the emaciated. bone-spav-
ined crowbait attached to his vehicle, he
Impaired to the passengers useful statist-
les and information about the cemetery,
using very high-fown expressions.
After driving few minutes, John
brought his horses to standstill, and be-
gan to point out the most prominent shrines
in the vicinity, telling how much they cost,
who was inside, etc. The intoxicated pas
senger persisted in annoying the orator by
asking irrelevant questions about the ma
ture of the diseases of which the inmates
Of the tombs died, how long they were sick,
what were their last words, if that was the
first time they had died, when they were
going to die again. As the driver had not
collected his money in advance he did not
get angry, but every once in while the
mans wife would say, Hennery!
Whose hic facet is this!" asked Hennery,
pointing to a three-story tomb of to the
right.
The driver, who seemed to be glad to have
q chance to air his knowledge, told all he
knew and probably great deal more, but
his flow Of eloquence was interrupted by
the unhitched horses which stamped their
feet, and seemed to be nervous about some
thing.
"That, SIR" said the driver, pompously,
'is the family metropolis of the Ebeneezer
V. Straddles-keep still, you dod gasted
fool-hitting one of the horses whack. "He
was the well-known and talented ginger
pop maker on Broad street-whoal will
yera That's his bust you see on the root OF
the catacomb."
$50 he Is deadi''
'.Deadl You bet he is dead, dead as can
of pressed beef He did an immense bust
ness in ginger-pop. That inscription reads
we shall meet again. I'll get down and
bust your snoot wide open"
This last remark was addressed to the
horses, which seem to have eaten some
thing that disagreed with them.
when did the ginger-pop man tizzle out
When did he pop off,"
"Ehs"
"When did he cross the Stygian ferryr'
20, Henneryl
ssHe didn't cross the ferry at ALL The
procession came over Brooklyn Bridge. Dc
you see that cenotaph over on the hill, the
one with sort of o mansard roof on it?''
asked the driver.
"Yes; whose mOneato mori is thats"
sits a receiving vault No less than
1900 stiffs can be accommodated in there
at one time.
"Hennery" was probably going to ash
where they bought their clothes when they
were alive, or how they voted at the las,
Presidential election, when he discovered
that his wife was in tears
s"Whazzer matter, Susan. Them canned
peaches make you tired. l told you not t.
eat them"
'.lt's not the canned peaches, Hennery
it's the surroundings"
swell, you would eat some of every thinl
on the programme. told you to be care
full"
at amt that, Hennery, I have to give way
tony emotions when see these tombs with
their silent inmates"
swell, don't know, Susan, but theyNrt
better off. They don't have to get up OF
cold mornings and make fires like had tt
all last winter"
10, Hennery!"
"They don't suffer none from rheumatism
or bronchitis. They don't have no taxes t,
pay. They amt expected to tip walters a
the New York hotels, like we have to if w,
want to get any thing to eat. They dom
nave 10 pay Tcut, anu all uSNcT WOTTlct
by tight boots, and they don't suffer from
too much canned peaches. Seems to m,
they ought not to kick when they have go
soft thing of it."
"Them five silent sarcophaguses," inter
rupted the driver, pointing to five mounds
s'are called the Old Maids Corner. Their
were five sisters -whack! whack! That OF
boss has got something the matter with it
whackl whack!"
maybe it's canned peaches" said Her
merry.
s.As I was sayin', the average of thei
ages is one hundred and five years, the ole
est being one hundred and eleven years oil
when she died.
Il guess they steered clear Of came
peaches"
40, Henneryr'
think the driver cut short the trip O
account of Hennery growing now demon
strative and refreshing himself from
flask, so he returned to the gate as soon q
possible to get rid of him. As Henner
and Susan, who were from the countr,
moved of the driver motioned to me I
come near, and said, in q mysterious voice
THAT Teller must be under the influenc
of some powerful narcotic"
ALEX E. SWEET.
Her Reasons for Leaving.
Mistress Of the house Ito domestic wh