The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-01-05
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Manufacturers OF puro ground
coffee will be interested to know that
there is no duty on chicory or dande-
lion root.-T'eras Siftings.
Only poor men write books on
"How to Get Rich" The rich mer
themselves will not give the snap
away.-M o. Picayune.
While the modern husband has
much to answer for, it can not be said
against him that he ever goes through
his wife's pocket.-BoSton Courier.
If anybody wants to test the folly
of gambling let him take chances at a
charity fair. The experience will be a
good Experimentation diner
icGn.
If the granite powders that make
the Falls of Niagara should ever wear
away they can be replaced by the
cheeks of Niagara hackmen and be
made to last forever.-M o. Picdyuue.
will the coming man perspire7"
asks an exchange. Not unless he is a
dude. If he is an ordinary everyday
citizen he will simply sweat-B~rIn'g-
ton Free Press.
-Elsie-"Bob. I wish you would tell
me how handkerchief Irritation is
worked" Bob-"Easy and simple
enough. sister-with two fools and two
handkerchiefs." -ToUn Topics.
Wife, "What lovely little bon
net! Who brought it upp" Husband
IA small boy, my dear" Wife
"Did he bring the bill?" Husband
20. no; 1 guess they'll send that up on
hand-cart. ~ Washington Post.
George" writes to inquire what
athletic game he had better cultivate
in order to improve his appetite. Try
draw poker, my boy. Stick to it, and
you will be hungry most of the time.-
Tsrre Haute Express.
Young Doctor B. is run down with
business. "You must earn a mint OF
money" said friend to him one day.
mot at all; my patients don't pay"
mo? But their heirs ought to stand
something handsome. "-Jssdgc.
-Freshly-"Betwten you and me,
Springley, Miss Rosalie is charming
girl. I'm really quite gone in that
quarter" Springley-"O. you don't
know how that will please her. She
told me the other evening that when
you called she always thought You
would never go."-Boston Post.
1t is said that in eight cases out Of
ten if a man gets $4,000 all Of q sud
den he will either go cracked in the
head or make laughing stock of him
self. That's doubtless the reason why
Providence keeps $4,000 away from
so many Of us.-DetroH Free Press.
Newspaper humorist (sarcastically
to his best girl)-"People may sneer
and laugh at my special line of work,
but it brings in the dollars just tho
same" Best girl (reproachfully)-'I
hope, Charley, you don't include me. l
never think OF laughing at your work"
M Y. San.
Impatient Observation-Disclosures in the
world have you been? want my din
ner." Wife-"Excuse me, John, but /
ran down to the sewing society at five,
and to my surprise it didn't wind up
until eight" Husband-"You mean it
was wound up at five and didn't run
down until eight. "-Erchan1e.
-Paterfamilias Cat the supper-table
to Mr.. Thomas Catch, Susie's beau
at is said that Spaniard can live
upon an onion and few olives day.
1t seems surprising to US, does it not?"
Susie Little Brother-"Mr. Catch,
know what you live on" Mr.. Catch
What. Tommy" Little Brother
"On your aunt; pa said so."-Yon&es
Blade. o
The Governor Of Alaska, In his
annual report to the Secretary of the
Interior, states that the white popula-
ton has greatly increased, and he o.
Inmates that there are $1,000 natives.
The total population is 1880, and Of
this number there are $500 whites,
1000 creoles. and $3.50 Aleuts. He
further states that the climate is favc
able and the soil rich, and he secs no
reason why Alaska should not soon
take its place as rival of Montana and
Wyoming territories. ~--