davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE;
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BYtrHEl
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS,

Absent Friends-kuew Goodt Thing,
Criticised the Ingredients-Forcey
of Habit, Etc, Etc.
How oft we consider, with fond recollection,j
The friends that we made when we last
sailed the main.
We parted from many with honest affectionl
Regretting we never should see them again.
The Captain and crew, while we livedion tine
ocean,
To add to our comfort no effort <would
spare
And even the cook, with touching devotion,
Every day in the soup sent us locks of his
hair.
Judge. 4
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
SHE WAS AFRAID OF THE WATER.

A lady, of limited information, when
speaking to an acquaintance upon the
recklessness and love of adventure of her
son, emphasized her remarks by saying
"My dear, he has actually gone to
Australia, an island my dear-so they
tell me. | would not live on an island for
anything. | should be frightened lest
the water should rise all round during
the night and wash me off"
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
rEcHNIcAL Specification.

Willie was bashful, and sat on the
chair with care which was far from
being any suggestion of studied grace.
His mother had found him in the pantry
with his fingers strongly suggestive of
intimate acquaintance with jam and mar
malade.
.twhat is the matter, Willie, asked
his sister, who happened into the room.
''Mamma spanked me, he said, plain
lively.
aWhat forin
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
wANrEp--rwo OF A KIND.

"Well, my man." said military doc
tor to patient who had been on Glow
Diet for long time, chow are you2"
''Much better, sir"
Gould you eat a small chicken to-
day."
'tThat could, sir"
"What would you like it stuffed
WITH"
s.Please, your HONOR" replied the
hungry patient, 81 would like it stuffed
with another chicken. London It'd
Bits.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
THE VALUE OF PoLITENEss.

Magistrate Ito prisoner upon whom he
is about to pass sentence)-"Do you ever
think of your mother, sirl'
Prisoner (much affected)-"Ye-es,
your honor, but she's dead"
(Sympathetically)-'I did not intend
to hurt your feelings. l hope you will
pardon me-"
Brightening)-"Don't mention it,your
honor. l hope you will pardon me.
Catching his drifD-"Don't men,
ton il. It'd Bits.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12

A young man in Boston went to mer
chants Office TO ask for the hand of his
daughter. While waiting for the old
mau TO appear he tore up and nibbled a;
an old blotting pad, and although he got
the girl he has had to lose half of his
tongue to save the remainder.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
BUT HE WASN'T ARRESTED.

S"I-I want man arrestedW she
fyasped, as she drove up to the curb
stone and beckoned a policeman to
stop.
"For what, ma'am9"
"He insulted me back therer'
!. "Who was it2'
"The driver of that ice wagon down
there"
"What did he sayl"
ell was coming down on the wrong
side of the street, as is the privilege OF
our sex, and he bad to turn out to avoid
me. When got opposite he hollered al
me-"
"What did he holler2"
"Something awful"
"But what"
she hollered: That's just like 6
womanp Please have him arrested al
once n-Detroit Free Press.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
LIBERALITY.

Mrs. Makeshow-''My dear Mrs. Do
much, | am collecting clothing for Mrs.
Black who is in great distress. She has
four small children, and am told il
quite deserving"
Mrs. Domuch, going to her drawer
brings out several neatly laundried gar
ments and presents them.
Mrs. Makeshow-''Dear me, you dc
not mean to give such garments as those.
do youl Why, they are real good and
almost new. Haven't you something that
is of no use ?'-Time.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
A SUBSEQUENT DISCOVERY.

Archie de Veu Gealously)-"Who was
that scarecrow you just met on the
stairs2"
Mabel Blossom-t'That was an old
friend of mine"
Archie de Veu-'' All indeed Sarcastic
ally, was he the ugliest man you could
tind2"
Mabel Blossom (sweetly)-"Yes; but
that was before l met you, Archie. >
Time.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
ALI SPOKE AT ONCE.

Teacher upon discovering that the fire
needs replenishing) Which little boy
is the strongest in the rooml'
Loud and unanimous chorus-"I, l.,
l, l."
"Well, the strongest one may go down
in the cellar and get an armful of wood. !"
Frantic stampede for the cellar.--Lan-
renee american.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
KNEW A GOOD THING

Mr.. Byer-"Those shoes that l tgot
for my little boy just a week ago tonight
are worn out"
Mr.. Shoemann-"Well."
81 want another pair just like 'em.
Never knew boys shoes to wear so long
in my life. Time. +
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
CRITICISED THEE INGREDIENTS.

''Doyou call that,beef-stewa" asked a
customer of waiter in cheap restaurant
Just as he had nearlyruined his set of false
teeth by bitinglsome substance of stony
hardness. "
"Beef3 Yes, sir certainly, sir"
swell, if it is YOU needn't have put
in the horns,' was the tart rejoinder.-
Judge.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12
A SUBURBAN BOOM. .

Typographical Engineer-'Tvegot the
land all marked off. now; but Il don't
think anything can be done with that
cliff--it'll be dead waste"
Dealer-"Oh, come off! Wen lay it
out in lots, and advertise itin the papers
as Hillside Park This neighborhood
has got to be built,up. PUCK.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12

Clericallooking parsonage enters Y the,
restaurant.
Waiter-"What will youhave, sirG" 4;
Rev-tSteak, please"
Waiter-"H willyoulhave it9"
Rev. absent mindedly)-''Well done, y
thou good and faith--ahem N'-Lippi,t-
colt.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12

The statesman in his eagle flights Of
oratory simply spreads his opinions.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12

Over 1000 cattle were recently shipped
to England on one boat.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-12-12

| nylng SOUND, while looked on.
"If you'll fetch the pole-axe, Master
Bart, I'll soon do it, said the harsh.
voiced man.
is the leg badly broken?" said.
"Well, no; not what you'd call badly
broken"
Couldn't you set it?'
ttSet it'' said the vet contemptuous-
ly; 'who ever heard of setting horses
leg!"
II have" said sharply, for his tont
annoyed me.
"Then you'd better set it" he said
with sneer.
81 will, l said.
"What?"
"Does your master set much store b,
this horse?" said.
''Store by him, sir2" cried the bailiff
why, Miss Lydia will break her hear
about it. His lordship wouldn't lose hin
for hundred pound"
'.Shall try and set the leg9"I said.
'tShall you try, sir? Will you2"
For answer took off my coat, ant
the veterinary surgeon laughed
| need not tell you how we did it
Suffice it that did set that horses lie,
that night. The poor animal seemed t
understand what was going on, an,
rubbed his muzzle against my hand as
patted and talked to him after he wa
hoisted up and slung from the stabl
rafters.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
NO BARRIERS TRUST WANTED.
The Affections Such n Combination Might
Bring to Mankind.

Bring to Mankind.
Chicago Tribune.I
A convention of American BARRIERS is to
be held at Pittsburg. Does this portend
the formation of BARRIERS Trust? The
idea is painfully disquieting one. A COM
bination of BARRIERS could make the adult
male citizen of this Republic a most un-
happy man. They could compel him to be
shaved every day, to have his hair cut
every two weeks, his head shampooed when
ever considered necessary by the operating
artist, and to get his boots blacked every
time he entered the shop. They could COM
pei him to buy hand-painted mug and
ivory-handled brush of the shop boss, to or
der bay-rum, tonic, or sesfoam on all occa-
sions, and to pay the boy who hands him
his hat and fans him two or three times
with whisk broom fee of 25 cents.
The penalty for failing to comply with
these or any other requirements agreed
upon by the trust would be to shave the
offender with dull razor or turn him over
to the barber in charge of the chair furthest
from the door, who eats onions and talks
baseball. The man who presumed to shave
himself would be boycotted and socially
ostracised. These are only few of the
miseries that BARRIERS Trust would entail
on the public. Let all good citizens dis
courage it, but prepare sternly to meet it if
1t must come.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
A DESTRUCTIVE TORNADO
Sweeps Over the Allegheny Mountains and
Does Great Damage.


Does Great Damage.
ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DTsPATCH.i
UNIoNTowN, April 13.-The heaviest
wind storm known in 80 years passed by the
hamlet of Addison, % miles east of here in
the mountains, at near o'clock yesterday
evening, in southeasterly direction. Its
path appeared to be about half mile in
width, and most of the trees, particularly
fruiters, in its road were destroyed. No
dwellings were in its direct course, but
few were damaged along the edge of its
pathway. The town itself lay to one side
of the tornado's course and did not get its
full sweep.
One warehouse, stables and small struct-
ures were blown about, some being lifted up
and dropped on adjoining properties, and
in some instances houses were buried under
uprooted trees. The neighborhood is COW
cred with hay from ricks destroyed, and the
fences Tor quite distance have disappeared.
Travel could not be attempted to-day until
gangs of men had cleared the mountain
roads of trees and other distractions, but
the National road was clear.
Near Masontowu the Fairview Dunkard
Church had the roof blown off and the gable
ends taken out. The contractor on the
church had it finished with the exception of
one more days work.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

During the greater part of the day had
slow fever all through me, and a constant, dull,
heavy feeling, so that felt utterly miserable.
my vision" he continued, was often
blurred, and if 1 would stoop down to pick up
anything it seemed as if everything grew dark,
but with flashes through the darkness like
sick at my stomach. Twas subject also to gid
diness. had no appetite at all. 1 could not
taste nor smell food. 1 could not distinguish
tea from coffee nor beef from pork, except by
sight. 1t was all the same to me what ate.
I had no desire for anything and left the
table disguised and unsatisfed. There
was pain in my forehead and
back of my head and neck. Ny nose was COM
pletely stopped and without smell. did not
for years breathe through my nostrils but only
through my mouth. There was constant
noise in my ears like steam blowing OF. My
eyes we're sticky and burned as il sand or wild
hairs were in them. There was always
tickling sensation in my throat. which caused
mo awake. In the morning I would raise
great deal of phlegm, which gagged me, and
even made me sick at my stomach. The stom-
ach, by the way. was always irritable and easily
upset; had cramps every day and the slightest
thing would gag me and lead to vomiting.
swell, l tried doctors and medicines-eVery-
thing that came along; but found no relief.
Finally read in the newspapers about DR..
Blair and his associates, but did not decide to
go to him at once. waited and read number
Of cases treated by him, and at length con-
cluded would try him. Honestly had but
little hope. And I am overjoyed that my ex-
pectations were disappointed. 1 began to i'm
prove at once under his treatment. Words
can't describe this change in my feelings. My
appetite is excellent. l eat three full and sat
isfactory meals every day, and assure you that
1 can now tell tea and coffee apart with my
eyes shut. can now stoop down and remain
bent for ten minutes at time, and have fire.
Quently tried it, without any dizziness or blur
red vision or sick stomach. My nose is clear
and the air goes freely through it. Best of all.
until morning. and get up renewed and re-
freshed. The freedom from those ills have
enumerated has made me like another man,
and life is now not misery but JOY"
Mr.. Tudor can usually be found at his place
of business, l99 West Fourth street, in the
afternoon, and at 1914 Vine street after o'clock
P. II. He will cheerfullY verify this statement.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
Dakota GRASSHOPPERS.
A Man From the Banana Zone Gives Some
Points on Entomology.

A MAN From the bonanu Zone Gtveb some
Points on Entomology.
Milwaukee sentinel.I
They emigrate In droves, the numbers OF
which could not by any possibility be esti-
mated. They fly high in the air and go
straight ahead like flock of geese. Moth
ing will make them swerve from their
course, and right there is the trouble, They
cannot fly against strong wind, and when
they meet a wind that they cannot stem
they take header and go down, and woe to
the grain field that they come down upon.
If the wind dies out they don't stay long,
but are up and off again. But the Dakota
winds don't die out; they are built on the
staying plan. When it stops blowing by
the second day the damage is not so great,
as the 'hoppers leave then after simply sat-
isfying the appetites that they bring with
them, but on the third day that they are
down they commence to mate and few
hours later go to work laying eggs.
They get down on the ground and dig
little hole in the ground with their tails,
and in this hole the eggs are deposited. By
the time the wind permits them to go they
take all the crop with them and leave many
times their own number of eggs. On the
first warm sunshiny day the little 'hoppers
inside the eggs come uD, and at this inter-
esting stage of the performance you can
stand at one end of your grain patch and
see the whole surface of the field fairly
moving as these little pests commence to
come out bv millions and wriggle around.
1t don't take them long to find an appetite,
and when 4S hours after they crawl out of
the egg they can crawl around and bite off
a whole grain at a time.
have caught barrels and barrels of them.
They are caught by means of a large open
tin pan, which is driven across the field
where they are feeding. The hopper, when
he sees anything coming in his direction,
always jumps backward toward it. They
hop back at the advancing pans expecting
to go over it and land safely on the other
side, but piece of netting meets them and
they fall into the pan. The pan is partial
ly filled with oil, which kills the 'hoppers
as soon as they touch it. 1 have caught a
barrel of 'hoppers in driving one of these
pans 100 yards and there were apparently as
many as ever left. Excuse me from any
more grasshoppers. 1 would not go to Da-
kota again to live if was given $40 acres of
the best land free.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
FIRST In A SERIES.
Giving Notable Case and Its Local
Significance
AND A BRIEF INTRODUCTION.


Unquestionably one OF the best known
men in the CITY, says the Cincinnati Com
n,ercial Gazette, is Mr.. John j. Tudor,
whose portrait is presented in this column.
"For six or seven year," said Mr.. Tudor,
''my health was quite bad. When Hayes
was nominated for President went to In
dianapolis to Grand Army reunion held
in that city. It rained very hard, and every
one was soaking wet. Having to return
home in damp clothing, 1 got severe cold.
1t hung on and 6ther colds seemed to be
heaped upon it. got into state of real
misery. was restless at night and couldn't
sleep, or only by fits and starts. When lay
down, it felt as if some one had grasped me
BY the neck. That was because my throat
was clogged up with mucous which 1 could
feel dropping down from the back part of
my nose. 1 got up tired out-much more
tired than when went to bed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

Streaks of sunshine indicating that old
winter is about to leave us when ever wei.
come spring will take her place. This means
warm weather and change of raiment, SO
you gentlemen should see to your lighter
clothing that it is cleaned, repaired and in
good order. Dickson, the tailor, of 65 Fifth
avenue, corner Wood street, second floor,
makes specially of this work. Should Won
desire new suit, his stock of imported and
domestic cloths is of the newest patterns.
and you will save 20 per cent by giving
Dickson call. Telephone 1868.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
STRUCK THE WRONG MAN.
Ohio White Caps Send a Notice to a Good
Citizen Who Will Fight.

ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DIsPATcH.l
YoUNGsTowN, April 13.-This mornh hg,
George Henry, an industrious mechanic,
residing on High street, received White
Cap notice through the mails, stating that
he had been abusing his family, and that un-
less there was radical change for the better
in his conduct, the White Caps would call
at his residence and give him 60 lashes.
Mr.. Henry is an exemplary citizen, and
his domestic relations have been of a most
pleasant character. He has secured full
supply of firearms and will give the White
Caps a warm reception.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
WILL HAVE TO MOVE NOW.
A Railroad Company Throws Mans House
Down a HILL

Down a HILL
ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DIsPArcH.1
NIMICK, PA, April 13.-Daniel Har-
rington owns plot of ground and house
on the line of the Ohio Connecting Com
pany's bridge across the Ohio river at this
point. He and the company did not agree
as to the time he should move eff the prem
lses, and he refused to do so.
At 9 o'clock this morning the company's
men entered the house while Harrington
was at work, removed the furniture, and de-
molished the house by knocking out the
supports underneath and letting itroll down
the hill.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
COULDN'T STAND DISGRACE.
Commercial Traveller, Charged With Elm
bezZlement, Shoots HIMSELF
rsPEcIAL TELEeRAM To rHE DISPATCH.

TsPECIAL IELAGhAM TO THE DIsPATCH.l
RAvENNA, O., April BE. F. Valen-
tine, a commercial traveller for A. J. Wen
hams Sons, of Cleveland, committed sui
eide by shooting himself through the head
at his home here at $50 this afternoon,
while in custody of Officer Mason, who had
arrested him for embezzlement. A shortage
of $500 is claimed. Valentine leaves a
widow and two small children.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
Walked Out of second-story Window.

ESPECIAL IELEGRAh IO THE DlSPATCH.l
CANTON, April 13.-Felix Motter. of
Minerva, O., on a visit to his brother here.
walked out of second-story window when
in a somnambulistic state, late last night.
and in falling struck board fence, and was,
it is feared, fatally injured.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

G. W. SCHMIDT will sell you one quart
Of 1880 pure rye export whisky for 81. 95
and 81 Fifth avenue, city.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
MwFSu

A CHOICE line of colorings of 4s in. wide.
all-wool serges, extra good value, at 75c q
yard. HUGUs & HAcKE.
MwFSu
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

80 PIECES, % in. wide, printed India
silks, choice patterns and colors, at 69c q
yard. HUGUs b HAcKE.
MWFSu
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

SILKs-Ombre striped Moire Franchise for
skirts and combination, worth 81, our price
81 25 yard. HUGUs & HAcKE.
MwEsn
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

LACE CURTAINs-Entire new patterns
and extra good values in Cluny's and tam
bour lace curtains. HUGUs & HACKE.
MWFSu
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
spring Goods.

For a good fitting suit go to Pitcairn's
Tailoring Emporium, 434. Wood st. Tusu
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

as art for sale in auction bouies. There are
more Corbets, Corots, Millets, Rousseaus,
Fromentias, and others among the modern
dead French masters than you can shake a
stick at or that the painters could ever pos
sibly have painted, working "a hours a
day, from the time they were born till they
died, or up to this day either, if they had
lived.
NJ. Henri Rochefort once said, in describ-
ing sales at the Hotel Dronot, of Paris, in
Gdligndni's Messenger, that over 1000
more Rousseaus had been.sold in Paris alone
than Theodore Rousseau ever painted.
RAMBLFR ABOUT
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

And now this same mob of mediocre daub-
ers and secondhand geniuses has got its
polite fingers into the centennial ceIebra-
tion pie. Pronunciamentos are issued by it
directing us how to decorate the city for
this memorial occasion. The circular that
L have received is the most preposterous
farrago of rubbish that was ever put out
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

DR.. Hans Won Bulow has actually opened
his American concert season without cata-
clysm. A cataclysm was feared, of course.
What is Won Bulow season without one
more than a Sunday school without cate
chism? They go together.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

But ofcOurse Bierstadt's picture goes into
the art galleries of the Paris Exposition,
the little mob of American painters (sic)
notwithstanding. As an artist decorated
BY the French Government, whatsoever
picture Bierstadt might chose to send to the
exhibition would be admitted. And 1 ven
ture to prophesy that it will be hung in a
conspicuous place and how the French will
laugh at the "pot boilers" of the would-be
criterions of American art, pfahl Some of
the daubs done by the lick-spittles of
"Bunion" Cox and "Wheedlem'' Chase
that have looked at lately would make
COW "gufah.''
The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1889-03-21
Sentiment,
From the San Francisco Chronicle.

From the San francisco chronicle.
But sentiment takes such queer
turns in women folks. There are not
many men who have the courage tc
display sentiment. | doubt if there ;;
any man living who does not flush
up when you come upon him sudden
ly and get within view of his paper,
at which he knows you will not look,
when he has Just written ::MY dear.
est Jennie" or something like that
on it. A girl does not know how to
begin a letter almost it she can't
write "Dearest." In California it is
the proper thing to begin politenotes
with ttDearest friend" Ladies are
afraid that if they write "My dear
Mr.. Smith," Mr.. Smith might think
they meant the word "dear" affec.
tionately, while in fact it is the most
meaningless form of address and ex,
cessively polite. But that is di'
gTession. Ispoke of the queer turn
sentiment will take in women. Mrs.
Jones' husband had died and they
were laying him in the coffin. The
widow came in crying and sobbing
Just as some one said:
eve must fold his hands across
his breast"
The widow stopped sobbing long
enough to say:
"No, don't do that. Fold them
across his st9mach; be always was
fond Of that. y