The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-03-12
The RISE AND FALL
Ofthe Mutton Market; or Twenty
five Cents Lets You Off.
A MELoDRAMA IN FOUR ACTS.
and Very Startling Denouement-- -SpecuIa-
tion, CONSERVATION, Decentralization, Re-
paration---Al Rights Reserved.
Drdmqtis Persondle :

HON C. S. ZEALoT, a deposed judge, with a
penchant for reinstatement
Mr.. R. n. BALDERDASH, attorney at large
COL. HELISowN, an editor, with countenance
that 'shines for all
MR.. FLANNELMoUTH, business manager, with
democratic leaningS and other tender points
MR.. CATSPAUGH, a school trustee.
MR.. TANNER, q receiver Of sheep.
Lawyers, judges school trustees, sheep, eject
Act I.---SpeculatiOn.
Sanctum of the Daily Mormon Edtcr-A
wretchedly furnished room, with table in
centre and here and there benches, chairs,
editors and other wooden articles.
(Enter Col. HeILsotcn, icith despdtehes)
CoL.-Yes, there is no longer any doubt.
Harrison is elected-the country's ours
didn't think those democratic devils could
hold the fort much longer. They're too
id honest. Now, wonder how I can
work it to get back into Office. Let me
think. Twice ought's ought and four's a
four.
Enter Judge ZeGlOt.)
JUDGa-Whats that you were saying,
colonel, about getting back into office! 1t
is subject that interests me- Do you
really think there is any hopei
CoL.-Hope, for whom!
JUDGB-Hope for me.
Coll was not thinking of you. As you
entered, my mind was dwelling on the
prospects of one who is very dear to me-
Whenever you catch me sOliloquizing like
that, you mustn't interrupt me. It's rude,
ungentlemanly and uncOnsciOnable.
(Entcr BdIderdash and FIannelmouth.)
BALDER.-Yes, am a democrat, bred and
born, yet l am heartily reioiced at the re-
publican victory. l will make this paradox
palmer to you later.
OFLANNEL.-Niver moind your para
ducks, Badly No made to make it more
palmer. It's plain enuff, and I'm wild ye
Sure I'm life long dimmicrat mesilf; but
as me friend Joodge Bowers Elegantly puts
1t "a common perrul unites u.s." to which
may add-and makes us wan, Badly.
JUDGE Gnterrupting) - You are right,
gentlemen, a common peril does unite US.
So long as we are divided we cannot hope
to get the offices, and what is life without
emolumentsl
CoL.-Ah! what indeedi
BALDRR.-Well, gentlemen, much as I
would like to see you all in office, you must
remember that at present the offices are all
filed by large, able-bodied democrats who
have expressed no especial anxiety to vacate
in your favor. 1t would seem, therefore,
that nothing remains for you to do but to
watch and wait.
JUDGB-But four years is long time to
watch and wait. Breaks DOWN.
BALDBR.-Come, judge, cheer up. You
held over for four years, of course; but
that was because Cleveland didn't know
you were an offensive partisan. Your
party, Judge don't do things that way.
Come, come, there'a silvery lining to every
cloud
observation-disclosures and fellow sodgers.
Begorrah, I've an idee; and whiniver I've
an idee I'm bound to get rid of it, because
me and itare not Homogeneous. When l was
runnin' butch-I name, Whin 1 was pro
prietor of large purveyin' establishment
on the shtrate, whiniyer we wanted to get
up a corner on mate, we used to shtick up
sign radin': I'm venison there is strength"
and then charge DOODLE prices furrit; and be
me sawlI I've been firrum belaver in the
principle from that day to this. Now, gin
tlemen, information has rachel this office
(no mather how that there is a big shape
dale on, and KNOWN what l do of the bust
ness, and bein that a common perrul unites
Us, l tot it moight be will to consoolt wan
w.d anoodther. Consequently this matin'
was called.
JUDGE-Am to understand there is sup
posed TO be ram in the ticket.
Flannel. - Precisely, ioodge. J The
mootOn market nades bracin' up. Conse-
quintly, let US four put our heads togither,
and the thing is done.
(Thcy put their heads togetherl
SIOIo Curtain