Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-07-05
THEY TOOK 4 ROOMER,
AND HAD A BIG TIME FINDING OUT
HIS BUSINESS.
An Escape from a Lunatic Asylum Takes
the "Spare Room and Creates
a Sensation.
from the Detroit Free Press. I

" Let us take ledger, said father.
"Or boarder," suggested sister Lou,
who was a school teacher and supposed to
be practical.
No woman" said mother. ~ won't
have woman puttering round doing her
and ironing by gas stove on the
burner. If we take anybody it must be a
man.
"And one that is employed by the day.
Lou.
Wouldn't it do if he were employed by
the week ?" asked father.
l mean he must be out every day. Of
course he must be employed, or he couldn't
him or not ?" queried Lou.
"There are advertisements in the Sun
day paper constantly for board in private
family" 1 suggested.
HUM answered Lou tartly. "How
long will family be private after it has
boarder in it? He will expect to share all
our joys and sorrows and give us his in ex-
change. | would make him a roomer."
1t wasn't so easy, however, to get
roomers, as a majority of our applicants
wanted to board, so we changed our plans,
and took the man who took the room, to
board.
We had specified in our advertisement
for a roomer or boarder, that references
would be exchanged, and we were firm on
one point-our boarder must be of good
moral character, and not given to the use
of intoxicating liquors in any shape what
ever. We were cold water prohibitionists
of severe type, and touched not, tasted
not and handled not the wine, nor allowed
anybody else to Go SO if we could help it.
Well, the man came, and he seemed to
be a gentleman in manners, appearance
and character, but he looked as if he might
be difficult to please, or as if he had the
dyspepsia. and we soon found out that he
did have it in its worst and most aggra-
waited form.
The second night after his coming we
were sitting in the family parlor, wonder
ing if our boarder would respect our pri-
vacy and keep to his own room, or join
our charmed circle" when a sepulchral
voice was heard over the baluster:
"H-o-t waiter! Oh, hot waiter.
quick! quickp'
Mother hurried to the staircase.
"What is it?" she inquired, sympa-
thetically.
"Crampsw was the simple word gasped
from above.
The kitchen fire was out, and rather
than have the girl leave, mother made it
up herself, and father took up pitcher of
boiling water and some mustard, and soon
the unearthly groans subsidized, and the
household was quiet the rest of the night
At breakfast the boarder stated that he
was a victim to indigestion. He said he
ate nothing for his breakfast but four
poached eggs on toast, a slice of bacon and
a cup OF chocolate. Oatmeal or brown
mullins did not agree with him.
"Pve found out what his business is"
announced triumphantly on the second
day of his stay with us; "hes a writer"
ooh, then he has writer's cramps" said
mother. | thought it wasn't just ordi-
nary collie"
Writing isn't a business; it's profess
sion," said Lou, loftily.
"Well, then, he processes to write"
said Its a novel, and there is a character
in it named Hannah"
That was the name of our girl, but as
the new boarder could hardly as vet be
aware of her existence, we did not suppose
she was the heroine.
Such room to keep in order | never
saw! On the second day new gas stove
was sent to our number. 1t was for our
boarder.
'He must be woman in disguise" re-
marked father.
'Piano, gas and use of bath included"
quoted from our advertisement.
81 wonder if the man intends to do light
housekeeping queried mother.
We had never known much about board
ers, nor had we ever weighed the question
in our minds as to whether it was the peo-
pie who boarded or those who took board
ers who were the most peculiar, but we
were likely to know something about it
now. There was not a day that some new
utensil for that room did not come home
The man cooked and ate in his room and
at the table both, and he was taken with
cramps at all hours. He drank gallons of
hot water and used all the mustard we
could supply, but he never paid his board
bill except under threats of expulsion.
We brought father into the fracas then as
rent collector We all decided that he
was a genius, because he was so odd, but it
is very trying to live with a genius and
we tried to get rid of him, but in vain. He
world take neither hint nor protest.
By this time our best front bed room
had become temporary kitchen. Our
genius made midnight coffee and fried
sweetbreads over the gas.
One morning Hannah presented herself
with her things on.
ppm goin', num-" she said 20 mother in
her most aggressive manner. 81 don't
molnd bein' a Greek slave, mum, but if |
stay here I'll be Roman maniac, and
that's quite beyant me-"
She had picked up her phrases as finer
ladies do She had heard some one say
roaming maniac" and the term pleased
her fancy.
"Ill not stay here to be murdered"
she continued tragically, shaking with
fright
'What do you mean, girl?" demanded
81 heerd him in the blessed hour of
midnight, in the front room, sayin' to
himself over an over till me flesh creep, Il
must kill Hannah! | must kill Han
nah y"
We all burst out laughing.
It's his novel," said Lou; Hannah is
one OF the characters-a very good one,
too"
'Indade Pm not, miss; Pm not char
acter at all, at all"
"But it's novel, Hannah" explained
Lou.
dts intirely too novel for me, miss, an
I'm goin' among folks as is Christians and
not howlin' with cramps or agy livery
blissed hour of their lives"
And Hannah went.
We turned our boarder into roomer
then By refusing to give him meals, as we
had no servant. Horrible odors of boiling
cabbage and frying sausage came from his
apartment and saturated our carpets and
curtains. But we could not get him out
of the house.
"Where is the figurative woman who
wanted to wash and iron?' | cried out to
mother. Take her by all means, in place
of the man who isn't any trouble. / would
prefer a convention of women to this cook
ing Miss Molly"
He is genius. He has read me parts
of his novel, and Ii is wonderful. / could
not begin to understand it." said practical
Lou. He is making a study of psychol-
ogy."
yTb;aL ~ ok "A fatbar ,,-;4l, l..of l.