The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-11-20
CARL DuNDIR.
He Is Catching On to American Ways .
Last.


Hello, Mr.. Dunder," saluted Sergt.
Bendall as that individual entered the
Central station with broad, satisfied
smile on his countenance
Hello, Sergeant" Vhas eafrythings
VII right NIT you?"
guess so. You look happy"
Sergeant, 1 vhas shust like sweet
oil. No more troubles for me. vhas
catching on to do shust like Ameri-
cans"
II am glad of that. You used to be
terribly green"
$50 Ivhas. Three months ago doan
know some beans in bag. Ha Ia ! Der
COWS come along und take me for some
grass. If it rains L shtandt right out
doors und get wet. Ha! ha! 1t makes
me laugh when L see how green
vhasp
Anything happened lately?" queried
the sergeant In careless way.
"Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try
to beat me, but dey doan' make oudt. /
vhas too sharp for 'em. One Teller
comes along NIT six pair of sheep
shears In a bundle. He doan' want TO
sell dose shears, but he likes to borrow
three dollars for one day ind leaf 'em
for security. If he doan' come pack in
one day dose shears vhas mine"
Il see"
"He doan' come pack. Maybe he
break his leg or something, but dot
vhas nothing to me. l keep doses shears
If somepody beats me, sergeant, he
shall hat to get oop very early in del
morning"
Il presume so. Have you the shears
there?"
Il haf. / belief you like to see 'em.
"They are worth two shillings {
pair" said the sergeant, after an in
spection. "You are out of pocket four
teen shilings, and what do YOU expec
to do with sheep-shears ?"
'Heafens l doan' think of dot =
gasped Mr.. Dunder as he grew white il
the face.
Anything else?"
"Vhell, l get my life insured. / doan
belief / vhas sheated 10y dot. A felle
comes along und says vhas Carl Dun
der? vhas. Well, der President o
der United States says be likes me t
call on YOU und insure your life. Di
vhas new company and a new idea.
let YOU in by der ground floor. like
Your name TO influence odder people.
How vhas dot new idea?'
"You pay only two dollars eafer,
twenty years, and if you die your wifi,
gets SO, 900. 1t vhas der biggest thinl
out. Shildrens cry for it. Wander
bilt, Shay Gould Russell Sage und al
der big fellows vhas INTO it. How old
you vhGs-who vhas your grandmother
how many teeth have You lost oudt-
was You eater bit by some dogs--di'
you eater own a white horse-hov
often YOU fall down .stairs-do YOU rid,
on some bicvcles, und dis vhas tn
truth, der whole truth, und nothin.
but der truth"
"And he wanted the - in advance p
queried the sergeant.
"Of course. Dot Vhas to pay fol
sshwearing me.
We'll, You are beaten again. Mr.
Dunder. Insurance men don't do bust
ness that way. Good day"
How you mean 2"
"You had better q ihome. Have yo'
got tub in your house,"
"Of course"
ANY bran at the barn 2"
"Yes."
well, make the tub about half ful
of mash and then put your head +
soak for about forty eight hours. Whe
through buy some No. 4 sand-pape
and polish it down hO the bone. y
Sergeant. vhas LsOme greenhorns ?
"You are"
'"Vhill / eater le1m something's"
-"Never."
"Then, goodbye I shan't try II
more. 1t yhas qneer country, nm
nothing vhas der same two times alike
When my body vhas brought in her
doan' make fun of ut. Shust use
silently and say dot did so well ash
could" Detroit FN8e Press.