Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-06-02
TIE MARRIAGE QUESTION.
WILL THE EDUCATED WOMAN OF
THE FUTURE MARRY,
Like Most of Her Sex, She VIII
When She Falls in
Love.

l have read with much interest in the
North american Rerier the papers bv dif.
ferent women in answer to the question
rs marriage a failure ~ Not being the
fortunate posseSsor of 4 husband. those
women who are will probably say that l
can know nothing of the subject and am
therefore incapable of expressing an opin-
ion concerning it. With all due respect.
then, to the married woman, will not
express an opinion. l will only make a
few suggestions. l will declare, however
that | think all sensible persons who
travel about the world with their ewes
open are entitled TO express an opinion re-
garding all they see and hear. And NAV
ii not be true that outsiders can sometimes
Judge more diSpasSionatelv, and therefore
more justly, and can see more clearly
than those who are within the circle? 1t
seems to me that all these clever ladies
blame their own sex too much. Doubtless
they are very much TO blame, and being
an impartial observer, | am quite as ready
to blame the woman rs the man: but if il
takes two to make quarrel may il not
also take two to keep peace? WHY do
not men come out as openly as these
women do, and tell the faults Of their own
sex? Have they not rs much TO answer
for as the women?
l fail TO see why women should ALWAYS
be blamed when marriages are unhapDv.
Is it not the man who asks the woman 10
marry him and would he ask her if he
did not want her? And, having got her.
why should he not try to make her
happy? If divorce cases are more numer-
Gus than they used to be, il is not surpris-
ing, for the population of the count y is
larger, and, after ali, it is the unhappy
marriages that are chronicled in the news
papers, and not the happy ones. And as
to marriage being failure, a sensible lit
tie married woman of my acquaintance
says that every marriage must be Judged
separately and by itself, for each one is
different from every other. a great many
old maids, who are really very charming
women, have told me that they regret not
having married, and that they advise
every woman to marry. They do not give
any special reason for this advice-an old
maids advice. Doubtless they feel that
they nave missed the possibility of hap
plnesS that is gone forever. They hear in
their ears that sad refrain, 1t might have
BEEN which a married woman does not
hear
Another universal question for our tor
tured minds is, "Will the educated woman
marry" Doubtless the educated woman
Will marry if she is asked, and if her edu-
cation is of the right kind, she will make
an eStimable wife, mother and housekeeper.
The educated woman will make her own
social position, so that she will not feel 1t
necessary to marry in order to secure such
recognition. She will also, undoubtedly,
make an income, so that she will not he
forced to marry for support; and possibly
she Will acquire fame, so that she will not
have the desire to change an insignificant
name for famous one. And when women
no longer feel it necessary to marry for
social position, nor for money. nor for
fame, for what will they marry? For the
sake of escaping an old maids fate? Well.
no; the educated woman should be above
that. She will marry for the one thing
worth marrying for, and that is love. 1t
viii be a golden age. Who, then, will
have any cause to ask: as marriage
failure? But when will that day come
Let Us hasten to educate the Young girls,
and so hasten the coming of the day that
shall bring light out of darkness, love out of
hate and JOY out of unhappiness.
Some one-a man, of course-savs that
all women are iealonS and selfish. We
freely admit that some of them are, that
many of them are, that majority of them
are; but majority is not all. kll women
are not jealous and selfish This wretched
man goes on to say that women court their
interiors, and that they do not feel easy or
happy in the company of their superiors
that they want to be looked up to- and
that they like to look down upon women
who are less fortunate in the worlds goods
than they are. He says, too, that women
cannot argue without losing their temper,
and that beautiful women are vain, siIlv.
tickle, weak and proud.
How terribly this man must have been
snubbed by some charming woman Per-
haps he was even Tilted by some clever
woman who has been so fortunate as to find
out his disagreeable qualities before she
was unfortunate enough to marry him.
Has he stopped to reflect that when a man
abuses women in this wholesale way that
he is telling the whole wide world that he
has been snubbed, numerically snubbed,
and that the entire cause of his tirade is
wounded vanity? There is always some
reason for mans abuse of woman. and
reason that is not always creditable to
himself. Wounded self-love blazes out in
screeds that are unworthy of manly man,
but crushed or broken heart suffers in
silence. The man who has truly loved a
woman does not condemn her whole sex
because it may happen that she does not
love him. On the contrary, he reverences
all women more than ever, because she is
one. A man who is both strong and proud
Will hide his suffering; it is only the
weakllngs who cry out and call down upon
themselves ridicule rather than sympathy.
There seems to be a growing opposition
to the afternoon teas" that have become
so popular during the past few years. One
objection to them has always been great
dearth of men, as, being a business nation,
rather than a pleaSure-loving one, only
~" liSh alS lulSJ IIleIGiOTt OlllN lnSS6
few are available for daylight entertain
ments. But the serious objection is not
simply that men are not to be found at
these teas. The objection goes deeper. 1t
is that they are not only not there, but
that they are therefore compelled to fore
go the pleasures of society because so
many ladies entertain only in this way.
1t is simple thing to give tea and so
pay off ones debts to society once or twice
a season; hence its popularity But, there
being few men at such entertainments, the
ladies huddle together, gossip a little,
drink cup of tea and hurry away. They
are "standup" affairs there is no repose
about them, no conversation, and really
very little enjoyment.
An effort is to be made next season
among some of the more prominent leaders
In society to discourage this form of enter
tainment, and to substitute for it small
evening parties where conversation Will be
encouraged by discussing, for at least
part of the evening, serious subjects. One
room will be set apart for dancing for
those who care to indulge in this mode of
and the young men who are
to devote their DAYS to business
will be given an opportunity to enjoy lit
tie society, instead of spending their even
ings at the club or alone in their rooms.