The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1889-09-08
UP TO $40 POUNDS.


That the Doctors efforts may the bet
ter be understood we append few of his
remarks delivered before such members
of the BogSvil1e Scientific Society as still
possessed their sanity or yet retain sutfi-
Gent age to remain out of their trunGie
beds after shutdown.
II find,o remarked the Doctor, "that
the Elixir possesses various elements in
keeping with the traits of the sheep, ere it
has been reduced to mutton or worked up
Into this great rejuvenating remedy.
Hence, if a patient yearns for playful in
nocence we boil down a lamb. Should
he desire simply to return to condition
of toughness and vigor we introduce into
his system the elements which made our
patriarchal Ram of Bogsville terror to
all who came within butting distance. A
patient treated in this way gets as side
issue all the vim, stubbornness and Gus
sedness that characterized that lately de-
parted mutton.
Now, for the enlightenment of those
who are regaining their sanity after a
couple of weeks respite, will make a
resume of some of the more important
cases within my experience.
Owing to the scarcity of volunteers
for treatment preparatory injection was
administered to an old hair trunk which
had been in our family for generations.
During the first half hour no symptoms
were observed and second dose was
i
pasted on the end of the structure. Soon
after it was seized by constable on an
attachment. There is little hopes of its
recovery, as my board bill is rather large.
Next on the string was pair of
antique shoes that had seen better days.
Ten drops of the elixir was deposited in
thetoe. A cobbler assisted me and his
last efforts fully restored them.
"A pauper whose sands of life had
nearly run was brought me to build up.
He was three score and ten and had an
extra score in nearly every barroom. He
had given so much time to his running
sands that he was quite reduced, the re-
duetion noted being from an ayoirdupois
of $40 pounds to that of 107 pounds in
period of five years, and so gave him
light weight treatment. Three doses
have built him up completely, in fact
built him up to his original $40 pounds in
weight. Through an oversight / forgot
to trent his clothes with the elixir and
they remained their normal size until the
patient reached about two hundred
pounds, then they ceased to be, bursting
with loud and sickening report. Having
no credit at any clothing house, suitable
garments could not be procured by him.
He now appears in perfect health, and a
blanket was forced to furnish him.
IA manageable young lady desired to
avail herself of the assistance of the rem
edy in helping her lover to express his
feelings. He was apparently troubled
with heart failure--his heart failed him
whenever he attempted to propose. She
thought that If possessed of the remedy a
woman's intuition would direct her
safely in subsequent proceedings. For
convenience in applying, fixed her up 2
line of fishhooks, each unprotected and
individual point of which fairly oozed
elixir, and babe her good luck when the
proper time came. 1t came that evening.
and with it came the coveted young man.
He evidently meant business $50 she told
me) and had folded her 10 his breast for