The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-06-20
WISE AND OTHERWISE
Pears Soap secures fine complexion.
Beecham's Pills act like magic on a
weak stomach.
Mary had little lamb,
Itran its usual course,
And now It lies at peaceful rest
With n.rnnn Innns and m nnn snmnn

"Why, he does not look like a military
man at ALL" ''He isn't. He's safe
burglar. Epoch.
Patron-"Give me piece of pie and
a glass of milk" Waiter (vehemently)
Zone clock weight and a chalk quarry"
Nebraska State Journal.
Young Skipjack-"Ah, l would like to
cross that field do you think-ah-
that cow ould hurt me ?" Farmer
did you ever hear of a COW hurtin' a
calf Pr
Full-blown rose-"What pity, dear,
you are engaged so young. You will
never have the fun of refusing a man. ="
Bud-"No but I've had the fun of ac-
cepting one."-Life
Massachusetts must be highly relig-
ious State. "A prominent civil engi-
neer" has been able to find only l3 dams
in the State which are liable to break
loose.-Terre Hdute Express.
Geometry in our higher society. Tom
why, Bill, don't you know May Fo..
ley ? thought she lived in your square"
Bill-"Very possibly, Tom, but yet we
may not move in the same circle. ~
Harvard LdmpOon.
Mrs, De Hobson (complacently)-
Yes, Mr.. Featherly, that is a portrait
of myself when little girl. 1t was
painted by celebrated artist" Mr..
Featherly anxious to say the right thing)
-"Er-one of the old masters ?"
In one of the natural gas towns the
local paper tells some stirring experien-
ces that followed its introduction. One
cook gave her mistress prompt notice to
leave, rs she would never be willing to
Cook Gods meat with hell fire."
Timn-"So DR.. Mortar is dead, ell ?"
Tagg-"Yes and only forty-tive, and
just as he was becoming famous Tim
Famous In what way ?" Tagg-
"Why, as the author of the book, No
Man Need Die Before Ninety-siX'."
1t is rumored that the dudes of Dear
born avenue are going to petition to have
that thoroughfare widened so that they
may promenade on il in their Sunday
trousers without causing inconv enience
to vehicles in the street.-Chicdgo NetcS.
Mrs. n. Peck-"So you thought was
an angel once did you P" Mr.. N. Peck
Yep Mrs. N. Peck-"And you don't
think so now, eh P" Mr.. N. Peck
"Nope. | still live in hopes that you
may be, though. "-Terre Haute Express.
We have a speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
and Headache. in SIIILOH'S CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price SO cents. Sold
by j. T. Shurtleff.
The benefits of vacation season may
be greatly enhanced, if, at the same
time, the blood is being cleansed and
vitalized by the use of Ayers Sarsapa-
rilla. A good appetite, fresh vigor, and
wonderful medicine.
Fond lover (alter long delayed propos-
aD-'Perhaps | We been too sudden,
darling" Darling girl Organizing her
composure with mighty effOrtS"Yes,
George, it is very, very sudden, but (and
here she became faint again) it is not
too sudden. "-Terds Sgtings.
He was a farmers boy and very little.
His father was pulling off his stockings
one evening preparatory to going to bed,
when his mother asked, Freddy, what
is father doing ?" Freddy had witnessed
the process of treating ripened corn and
replied, He's huskin' his feet"
Giving himself away. Caller watch
ing Colonel Blood as he approaches)-
"What soldierly bearing your husband
has, Mrs: Blood, He carries himself SO
very straight and erect" Mrs. Blood
without looking around) -"1 expect so.
He has been dining with some friends"
Life.
In descending the stairs, Tommy's
foot slipped, and he and the coal-hod,
which he was carrying, ratified to the
bottom. Here, here !" shouted his
father from the parlor ; whats up out
there P" "Nothing's up, pa shouted
back Tommy. "Eyerything's own."-
Evangelist.
If You Wish
To enjoy good health, and prevent the
seeds of disease from ripening in your
system you should use the best medicine
in the world, Sulphur Bitters, which
will prevent your system from being all
run down by making it strong and Wig
orous.-Rev. w, Il. Snow.
You are late this afternoon P" said
the music teacher to his banged and
powdered young lady pupil. YES"
said the damsel, swishing down on the
music stool. MA was so busy with her
household duties that l had to wait
nearly half an hour for her to sew up q
rip in one of my kid gloves. NORRIS
torn Herald,
ShiIoh's Catarrh Remedy,
Shilohs Catarrh Remedy, a marvel
GUS cure for catarrh, diphtheria, canker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment of
these complaints without extra charge,
Price 50 cents Sold by j. T. Shurtleff,
Bennington.
Young wife (affectionately)-"We can
live economically, | know. To begin,
you can stop smoking, resign IRON the
club, give no more wine suppers, and
never, never treat any one" Young
husband faintly)-"Certainly,tobe sure.
In fact, of course. And what will you
do, dear ?" Young wife (triumphantly)
Il Oh, I'll mend my gloves myself. "
-Philddelphid Enquirer.
Where have you been keeping your
self, Mr.. Delay p asked Mrs. Belle
PePperton of that young gentleman.
You haven't been going into society ?"
mot pwecisely that is, you know, |
have been devoting my own time to my
self. INDUCING in my own society as it
were. Pwetty clevah, don't you think?
Yes but how lonely you must have
been. "-Merchdnt TrdUeler.
A syllable slip-Dr. CARPENTER was
noted for the quickness of his wit, and it
was a common saying in the town in
which he lived that he always had an
answer ready when it was required. He
was once introduced as DIR. Carter
Immediately his friend saw his error,
and corrected himself. 'Never mind"
said the doctor Its only slip of the
pen. y Editors DrdWer, Hdrper's Mag
dsine for June.
One Hundred Ladies' Wanted,
And 100 men to call on any druggist for
a free trial package Of Lanes Family
Medicine, the great root and herb rem.
edy, discovered by DIR. Silas Lane while
in the Rocky Mountains. For diseases
of the blood, liver and kidneys it is a
positive cure. For constipation and
up the complexion it does won
ders. Children like it, Every one prais-
es il. Large SIZE package, 80 cents. At
all druggists.
SIS he rich ?' asked the daughter
as her mother told her of
suitor's proposal. Edith" answered
the mother reproachfully, You keep so
badly informed on financial matters that
you really cannot expect to marry well. |
Why, he owned the only well at Guthrie,
So the beautiful girl scrib-
bled accepted across the corner of her
lovers letter and went back to a thrill |
ing love story by the latest passion nov
elist.-NeiC York Herald.
When began using Ely's Cream Balm
my catarrh was so bad | had headache |
Tho ,vhn1o t;p,a an1 ,Iigobaruad a lor0a