Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-09-14
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
Beware of BARRIERS by the Sea, says an
Expert-How Town is Built In Colo.


Expert-How Town is Built In Colo
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Eggs and PIums.
A TALL, slim man with very little hair on his
head sat down in a chair in a crowded barber
shop. and said to the tonsorial artist: "Want
my hair CUT then he shut his eyes. and gave
every evidence, save snoring of being asleep
| at once But the barber was the proprietor OF
the shop and he was not inclined to forego any
OF his proprietary privileges He smashed
that tall, slim mans scheme of slumber mighty
quick with cannonade of talk.
"Your hairs in elegant shape since that last
shampoo" he said with an aggressive click of
his scissors; mot much like the last mans hair
cut. He's one o. them fellers that let seaside
BARRIERS fool with 'em.n
"Are BARRIERS SO bad at the seashoref" asked
the tall victim resigned to the situation by this
| time.
"Bad? Well, should say they were. 1 ex-
pect heaps OF extra work getting back my
regular customers hair into regular order.
The hair anyhow gets SO full Of salt at the
shore that 1t takes a world of work TO make it
soft and glossy again. But it's the shocking
bad hair cutting of the marine BARRIERS that
does the most mischief. Anybody most can
get place in barber shop at popular sea-
side resort. Good BARRIERS won't give up their
regular positions in the cities, no matter how
tempting the wages by the sea are. Conse-
quence is lot of greenhorns and amateurs get
the jobs, and their customers get the jags."
Here the tall slim man plead for his right ear
which had narrowly escaped severance from
his head, before the barber continued: "The
man just finished had head of hair that
looked like one of them tooth-brushes they
call 'searchers' that pry into hollow teeth-it
wa nH6van aid haid iuo rof
back from Atlantic City. told him knew it.
He says: 'WhyT Your hair shows it, says l.
Never knew such a set of scalpers and mowers
as the BARRIERS down there My advice to you,
sir. is never to have your hair cut by seaside
barber. If you must have it cut get your wife
to chop it with basin over your head"
And the tall slim man slipped out of the
chair with only suspicion, very nebulous
suspicion of hair on his head.
THEY know how to work q real estate boom
in Colorado" remarked Pittsburger who has
been travelling in the State of silver, sand
storms and snow-topped mountains all summer.
'Its an exact science with them. There's the
town of South Kearney. for instance. When
they got done booming Kearney part Of the
boomers found they had been frozen out as
they thought, and they determined to have
their revenge quickly. So they went down the
railroad few miles, and started new town,
which they called South Kearney. 1 passed
through South Kearney in July. 1t had
miles Of curbed and paved streets, under
which gas, sewer and water pipes we're laid,
splendid city hall. and an elaborate railroad
depot-but Of a single residence or store there
wasn't sign. A month later I returned that
way and 10! South Kearney was a bustling
town with many houses built and more build
ing. Such transformation of country into
town never saw equaled for rapidity."
50
A CHINAMAN and very gorgeously ar
rayed young man. who is heir to millions, were
jammed close together in an Allegheny street
car yesterday and remarked the contrast the
pair afforded to the theatrical man who sat be-
side me.
"Yes. that is a contrast" f" he said; "but talking
Of combinations which are akin to contrasts
ct me tell you of one saw this summer in
New York. One night party of US were kill
ing time in a tour of all the theaters museums
and concert halls on the Bowery. In the course
Of our Journey we came across a sort of beer
garden near the London Theater, admission to
which was free. We went in, and as we had
been doing everywhere that night, we took
seats away down front, right under the stage,
on which. as we entered, a very stout woman
in green and purple velvet was singing a song
about dude In accordance with the rules
of the house we gave an order for four
beers and looked about us. The usual mixture
of workingmen loafers. slatternly women and
immature lads sat about us drinking the mawk-
ish beer. The stage was small but the dress
ing room was smaller, and the performers.
mostly very large masculine-looking women
sat on the steps leading down from it. They
were constantly munching sandwiches and
other eatables and drinking beer. Presently
the waiter who had brought us the beer-which
we did OF drink by the way-came to our ia
Bile with tray on which were several small
plates containIng-what do you thinkf Hard
boiled eggs and plums-the former ripe enough
but the fruit looked like cholera in small
packages. asked the waiter if that was all he
had to offer and he replied contemptuously:
Amt dis good enough fer any gent? Whatd'yer
want? Ice cream an strawberriesr p How that
combination of eggs and plums m ade us laugh.
We had to leave at once to avoid disturb
ance."