davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Magistrate (absent mindedly to
prisoner)-Stand upl You hereby
solemnly declare, in the presence of
these witnesses, that you will love,
cherish and protect this woman until
death do you part?
Prisoner (badly frightened)-Wha
what's that, yer honor?
Magistrate (rousing himself)-Ob,
| beg pardon. It's SO or thirty days.
Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

The bill collector probably doesn't
like his business any better than the
man who pays it, but it has to be dun.
Troy Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

A wedding took place in New York
the other day, where Mr.. Wood es-
poused a Miss Pyle, of Brooklyn. The
advertisement read "Wood-Pyle. -
T.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08
Advertising Rates.

Business Cards, one year, one dollar per line.
LSel notices, among local reading matter, tan
sents per linz for each insertion.
Business notices i've cents per line zach insertion.
Births, Marriages and Deaths free.
Obituaries, Resolutions, Cards Of Thanks, etc.,
At aiVcrtisiDs rates.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Teacher Ito class in geography
If l should dig hole through the
earth where would / come out
Small boy-Out of the hole.-New
York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

A sleeping policeman is one of the
silent watches of the night.-Roches-
ter Tidings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

st. Peter-Well, did you 60 down
to earth, take possession of that inf
del named Ingersoll, and walk him
into church as l told you to?
Helpful Church-Yes, found him
in New York, and | wake l him into
the church of st. Thomas but he had
on suit of ready-made clothes, and
the usher kicked him out.-Phladel-
phia Record.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08
MIGHIGANCENTRAL
"The Niagara Falls Route"

.Daily. tDaily except Saturday. All other
trains daily except Sunday. Parlor ears on day
'"'''' j. WHITING, Ticket Agent
o. w. RUGGLES, e. 2. & T. Agt
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

The place for sleepy-heads-Bed,
ford.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

"I could never understand" said
old Mrs. Goodheart, as she laid down
her paper after reading an account of
the last hotel fire, chow so many peo-
pie are incarcerated in these awful
horoscopes. 1t seems such an easy
matter to get out of burning hplel,
why its very simple to just climb
down one of them hand grenades that
they have on all the. hotels NOWADAYS.
There's no excuse for getting created
alive if you keep your wits about
you."-Elmira Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Uncle Jerry Rusk wants to know
what breeds of horses grow the best
kind of horseradish, and we have no
hesitation in telling him the fiery
breeds.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Softy-Weally, Miss Twavis, wish
you would tell me which is the noah
becoming to me style of beauty, stiff
or soft hat
Miss Travis-Since you ask me,
Mr.. Softy, l must say that | think a
soft hat is the proper thing for you.-
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Boarding the lion in his den.
Judge (severely)-I should think you
would be ashamed of yourself, Mac.
mamie, to be in the court room so Of
ten.
Macnamie (ceoly)-Begorra! I'm
not here any cftener than yer 'anner
is.-Lowell Citizen.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08
borrow money from this association if you want
Build n House,
Pay a Mortgage. or
RuV n .At

The rates of interest are low and the payments
easy. The whole debt is repaid by small monthly
instalments.
DO you want TO save money TO go into business,
or for any other purpose IT so deposit your saw
ings with this ASSOCIATION. Pay in only so cents
each month on share, and inside of eight years
you will receive .l00in cash. Pay in So per month
on ten shares, and inside OF years you receive
Al ,001 and 30 on in proportion.
The stock of the association Is good as collateral
security. 1t can be held by married women, is not
liable for a husbands debts, and is exempt from
levy and sale on execution or attachment to the
par value OF al 000 il the owner does not possess
homestead. Minors can hold stock by trustee or
guardian. Every dollar Of the money is spent in
the city of Alpena in assisting persons TO improve
property and buy homes thereby creating business
activity and promoting prosperity In this city.
For further particulars apply ut Onice
OF Secretary, Room A and D, Dawson
Block.
OFFICERS,
Frank Emtrick ,. Pre- ident
Andrew Horshaw,,.. Nice-fresiuent
=, W. attorney
u. j. ifehsurer
o. l., Partridge
BOARD OF DIRECTORS,
Frank Emerick III. Potter,
Hon. Andrew Harshaw, G. W. Bertch,
II. II. Wittelshofer, 1. v. Clark.
J. ID. Dunlop, VI. d., o. l.. Partridge,
B. n. Young
u11- T. S.-1ioney loaned on second Tuesday
evening Of each month, ut 730, at Secretary's
Office
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Mr.. B-My dear Mrs. Cresus, may
| not put your name down for tickets
to Prof. Pundit's course of lectures on
Buddhism
Mrs. Cob, by all means You
know how passionately fond am of
flowers.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Stern parent (to young applicant
for his daughters hand )-Young man,
can you support a family?
Young man (meekly)-I only want
ed Sarah.-New Haven Palladium.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

An Irishman was planting shade
trees when a passing lady said; "You
are digging out the holes, are you,
Mr.. Haggerty
"No, mum. Dim digging out the
dirt and laving the holes. Boston
journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

Grandmamma had been explaining
to the little girl how our earth is kept
from flying off into infinite space by
the attraction of the sun, which is con-
staDtly trying to draw the earth to-
ward itself, while the latter always
keeps its distance.
"Grandma," said the little girl, II
should think the sun would get dis.
couraged after awhile and let it CO."
-Ex.
AT the fish dealer's-Please send
up to my house tomorrow a couple
Of nice bass.
Yes, sir.
And, by the way, be sure they are
bass. I'm going off for day, and
er-the last time / went | told my
wife it was for trout fishing, and you
sent up fresh mackerel. These lit
tie errors of yours are causing strain
ed relations in my family.-Epoch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

The waltz has entered upon its one
hundred and first season. We sup
posed that great many more years
had elapsed since the beginning of
the whirled.-Norristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

He-I think pretty girl can have
her hand taken without going to
photographer.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08

She-What do You think of this
"fad" of having the hand photograph
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-05-08
WIT AND HUM0R.

L LIN "A. WI hlSl1ss w LII
WIT AND HUM0R.
The place for sleepy-heads-Bed
ford.-Ex.
A sleeping policeman is one of the
silent watches of the night.-Roches
ter Tidings.
The bill collector probably doesn'
like his business any better than the
man who pays it, but it has to be dun
Troy Press.
A wedding took place in New York
the other day, where Mr.. Wood es'
poused a Miss Pyle, of Brooklyn. The
advertisement read "Wood-Pyle."-
Ex.
Teacher Ito class in geography
If l should dig a hole through the
earth where would l come out?
Small boy-Out of the hole.-New
York World.
Uncle Jerry Rusk wants to know
what breeds of horses grow the best
kind of horseradish, and we have nc
hesitation in telling him the fiery
breeds. s.--Ex.
The waltz has entered upon its one
hundred and first season. We sup
posed that great many more years
had elapsed since the beginning of
the whirled.-Norristown Herald.
Stern parent (to young applicant
for his daughters hand )-Young man,
can you support family?
Young man (meekly)-I only want
ed Sarah.-New Haven Palladium.
She-What do you think of this
"fad" of having the hand photograph
ed
He-I think pretty girl can have
her hand taken without going to a
photographer.-Ex.
An 1rishman was planting shade
trees when a passing lady said: "You
are digging out the holes, are you,
Mr.. Haggerty
mo, mum. Dim digging out the
dirt and laving the holes. Boston
Journal.
Mr.. B-My dear Mrs. Cresus, may
l not put your name down for tickets
to Prof Pundit's course of lectures on
Buddhism
Mrs. Cob, by all means You
know how passionately fond am of
flowers.-Ex.
Softy-Weally, Miss Twavis, wish
you would tell me which is the noah
becoming to me style of beauty, stiff
or a soft hat?
Miss Travis-Since you ask me,
Mr.. Softy, must say that | think
soft hat is the proper thing for you.-
Ex.
Boarding the lion in his den.
Judge (severely)-I should think you
would be ashamed of yourself, Mac
mamie, to be in the court room so of
ten.
Macnamie (ceoly)-Begorra! Pm
not here any cftener than yer amer
is.-Lowell Citizen.
st. Peter-Well, did you 90 down
to earth, take possession of that inf
del named Ingersoll, and walk him
into church as l told you to?
Helpful Church-Yes, | found him
in New York, and l wake | him into
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
beginning 10 See.

1t is beginning to dawn upon the minds
Of certain slow-going people that they
committed an egregious blunder last
November when they voted the repuhli>
can ticket. These individuals have finally
discovered that trusts are the outgrowtb
of high tariff, and furthermore, that they
are detrimental to their interests. The
farmers of the republican state of Kansas
are beginning to wipe the dust from their
eyes, and their vision is better now than
previous to the November election. At
a public meeting held recently, they dis
covered the Irvine trust, and resolved to
unite to crush it. All of which shows
that there were November fools as well
as there are April fools.
The spinners of one of the thread mills
at Kearney, N. j., have received Motif.
cation that their wages will be reduced in
week hence. This proposed reduction
recalls the fact that the proprietors of the
mill in question attempted to intimidate
their employees during the presidential
campaign by announcing on their pay
envelopes that Protection Means High
Wages" This is simply additional evil
dence of the hypocrisy of the monopo-
listic employers, and the impotency of a
high tariff. Every intelligent working
man can see very MAINLY that the system
now in operation does not. and has never
intended to. benefit the masses. Even
the republican newspapers are ashamed
to refer to 1t now, as the friend of the
wage worker. Flattering notices would
be out of place beside the announcement
that this shop has reduced wages" or
that it has decided to indefinitely sus
pend operation"
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
CIVIL RIGHTS ON THE RAIL.
A Negro Preacher Going for a South,
Railway for the Second Time.

Negro Preacher Going for a Southern
Railway for the Second Time.
WASHINGTON CITY, April IA civil
rights case claimed attention from the inter-
state commerce commission yesterday. 1t
was the complaint of w. H. Heard, colored
preacher of Atlanta, Ga, against the Georgia
Railroad company. Heard was travelling on
a first-class through ticket from Philadelphia
to Atlanta At Augusta, Ga, and from that
point to the end of his journey he was COM
PEELED to occupy seat in a compartment
car, one-half of which was set apart for col
ored people. The other half was used as a
smoking compartment. Heard claims, and
yesterday testified, that the accommodations
In the colored compartment were second
class, and his attorney argued that in COM
Peiiing his client to accept inferior accommo-
cations while travelling on first-class ticket
was discrimination, and, therefore, viola
ton OF the Interstate commerce law.
On the other hand, General Manager Green,
OF the Georgia railroad, swore that the col
ored compartment car was as good as the
other first-class coaches in the train, and the
attorney for the road insisted that in furnish
ing trst-class compartment cars it was liv-
ing up to the requirements of law, and there
lore not discriminating against its colored
passengers.
The same parties were before the commits
sion on a similar complaint last year, and
the decision of the commission in that casa
was that the complainant had been subject
ed to undue discrimination by forcing him
to occupy an inferior car. The road claims,
since then, to have fun nished better COM
partment cars The commission took the
case under advisement
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
stock sale,

Hon. A. p. Petrie, of New Windsor,
and Benz. Whitsitt, Esq, Of Presumption,
were at the Harper this morning on their
way home from West Liberty. where they
had been attending the two days sale of
thoroughbred cattle at the Miller farm.
Col. j. W. Judy, of Tullula, Menard
county, was the auctioneer, and good
prices held throughout the sale. There
was some sharp bidding for fine Scotch
bred short horn calf between Mr.. Whit
slit and r. W. Crawford, of Newton
Iowa. the animal being finally knocked
down to Crawford for $295. A herd OF
Cruikshsnk females averaged 1918. and
males $273. Mr.. Whitsitt will hold his
annual sale of thoroughbred stock on the
9th Of June at his Presumption farm.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
Paving.

The more the subject is discussed, the
more popular cypress blocks become
among Second avenue property holders as
paving material. Mr.. T. P. Murphy, of
Sioux City, prosecuting attorney of
Woodbury. county, Iowa, is in the city on
business, and the guest of his brother in-
law, W. j Kerr. Mr. Murphy says that
there are a number of miles of wooden
pavement In Sioux City; that it has been
subjected to severe tests and gives the
greatest of satisfaction and he thinks the
Rock Island city council has pursued the
right course exactly.
Aid. Negus Is in receipt of letter from
st. A. d. Balcombe, chairman of the
board Of public works of Omaha, strongly
endorsing wooden pavement Mr.. Bal
combe says that Omaha laid 1913, 1885
square yards of cypress last year at 81. SO
per square yard and 1893 ,731 square yards
of cedar at s.. so, and that fully that much
more will be put down the coming season.
He recommends both highly and thinks
either could be put down in Rock Island
almost as cheap as brick
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
It Was Spat for Spit.
Startling Performance of a Wis.
consin Statesman.
HE'S sPITs IN A COLLEAGUES FACE,

And the Insulted Scion Repays the Indis-
nifty with n Mild sPat on the Ear and
Walks Away - Both the Billigerents
Wealthy Lumbermsn of Oshkosh-Prog-
ress of State Legislation In Illinois,
Wisconsin, and Michigan.
MADISON, Wis, April 1l-Yesterday
afternoon Senator George H. Buckstaff, Re-
publican, deliberately spat in the face of As
semblyman George w. Pratt, Democrat, and
was mildly slapped in return. The two men
are from Oshkosh, and have been at logger
heads for several weeks, the result of a contest
over bill amending Oshkosh's charter. It's
said that in the Oshkosh common council
Pratt recently intimated that Buckstaff was
frequently in such condition as to be ire
sponsible for his conduct in opposing in the
legislature the passage of the bill that he
(Pratp was advocating This Pratt de-
MED, but Buckstaff evidently believed
that Pratt had insinuated that he was
given to drunkenness. for when the latter
called ON him in the senate chamber yester-
Gay afternoon with letter of mutual inter
est Buckstaff deliberately spat in his face
Pratt responded by mildly cutting the irate
senator's ears and then quietly sauntering
away. Pratt is about 40 years of age and Wig
orous, while Buckstaf is several years his
senior and quite decrepit from frequent Ill
ness. Both men are prominent citizens of
Oshkosh, each being wealthy lumberman.
The episode forms the most sensational event
of the ses ion thus far, but it is not likely
there will be any further hostilities.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
LIBsIE BeEcHLER GOES AcoulT.
The Slayer of Harry King Declared No
Guilty by the Jury.

The Slayer of Harry King Declared Not
Guilty by the Jury.
OMAHA, Neb., April 1.-The King muir
der trial was brought to a close yesterday by
verdict of no5 guilty. Prosecuting Attor-
ney MahOney finished his argument at 1890
O'Clock. The judge then charged the jury,
and at lO:55 thsy retired. At IL o'clock they
returned and handed their verdict to the
clerk, who Immediately read it, When he
read mot guilty" such tremendous uproar
OF applause WIS never before heard in the
Douglas county court, as that which ensued
as the word were uttered. Peal after peal
OF applause broke out, women shed tears,
and the historical manner of the
prisoner render I'd the room scene of chaos
Judge Croft then dismissed the defendant
and the jury, while hundreds of women
crowded forward to congratulate the fair
homicide
Miss Beechler said to United Press rep
resentative: 81 don't know as l am happy;
but yes am, too. / am so confused l can
not talk l want to thank you all for your
kindness to me. l am going to my home at
Cleveland to Iva / am too faint to talk
more, but will gladly talk with you when l
recover my composure"
The proprietor of the Murray hotel asked
her as favor to make his hotel her head
quarters while ii Omaha Excitement runs
high, and the verdict pleases ever ybody.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
TOO MUCH LEGAL TALENT.
New York People Want q Practical Man
on the Commerce Commission.

New York People Want q Practical Man
on the Commerce Commission.
New YORK, April 1.-THE board of trade
yesterday adopted resolutions that whereas
the interstate commerce commission was
created in response to an overwhelming de-
mand from the mercantile, manufacturing
and agricultural interests for governmental
supervision of railroads; and whereas, the
commission has been called upon to decide
mainly practical questions of transportation
rather than technical questions of law; and,
whereas, it is now composed entirely of law
yers, not exper fenced in the practical
knowledge OF interstate commerce;
therefore, resolved, that the board
request President Harrison to fill
any vacancy in said commission by the
appointment Of merchant, possessed of
practical knowledge Of the necessities of in
ter-state commerce, and who will represent
the important interests which were instru-
mental in the creation of the commission:
and resolved that appointments to the COM
mission should not be regarded as political or
partisan emolume nts, but should be made in
conformity with The spirit of the law, viz:
the establishment of tribunal for the pro
lection of the commercial and industrial, to-
gether with the transportation, interests of
the country.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
Points Abo Mt the Crons.

WASHINGTON CITY, April 1.-The crop
report issued from tie department of agri-
culture yesterday states that the general
average of condition Of wheat is 81, nearly
the same as the April condition Of the crop of
1885, which fell at harvest to 87.s. That of
1888 was 81, and that Of the previous year
81. The April condition Of the large crop
of 1884 was 95.4, going up to IS at harvest.
The present condition in Michigan is 81; In
diana, "a; Illinois, g.
The rye crop is in G ood condition also, with
a general average Of $50
The mild weather has been favorable te
farm animals, which ire generally in high
condition. The estin ated losses from dis
ease and all other causes during the past year
have also been much lsss than usual
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
CoNeRKss having adjourned some TIM

CONGRESS having adjourned some time
since, 1T is matter. of some comment that
the Hon. w. FL. Gest still hovers around
the capital. Ostensibly he is trying to
get some offices for his constituents. but
we have lurking suspicion that the
honorable gentleman is staving off his
return home as long as possible. He can
stand the firing at long range pretty well,
but he no doubt breads the hand-to hand
encounter with the hungry horde of OFF,
GERS which his return to this city will
precipitate. As we have before remarked
Mr.. Gest has our sincere sympathy in this
hour OF affection.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
Strike in CIark's Thread Mills.

NEWARK, N. j., April 1l.-One hundred
and twenty men and boys employed in
Clark's O. n 7. thread works in East New
ark, went on strike yesterday morning
against Is per cent. reduction in wages.
Mr.. Clark says the men average $l925 per
week and he doesn's care whether they stay
out or not The men say the high wages
are made by extraordinary effort and the
company wants to make this the ordinary
standard of work. 1t is thought that the
strike will spread throughout the mills, and
affect all the 1000 hands, as all are in sym
pathy with the strikers and do not want to
see them beaten. The trouble is attributed
to the new superintendent, Walmsley, a
Scotchman, whose ambition seems TO be to
force wages down to the figures prevailing
in Scotland The strikers are ORDERLY and
do not loiter about the mills
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
ABBREVIATED TElEGRAMS.

The New York stock exchange will be
closed on Good Friday, April II, and on
April 20 and 80.
Simon Richter, a furniture dealer at All
State street, Chicago, made an assignment
Wednesday. Liabilities and assets about
$4,000
Gen F. F. Millen, the we'll known Irish ag-
itator, died at his residence in New York
Wednesday. He has of late been an attache
Of The New York Herald
The report that Lord Londonderry, lord
lieutenant of Ireland contemplated resigning
his Office, was denied in the British house of
commons Wednesday night
Henry E. Dixey ("Adonis1 was served
Wednesday with papers in a suit for divorce,
brought at New York by his wife, formerly
Ida Glover, on the ground of unfaithfulness
Near GRANVILLE, Ills, Tuesday, the daugh-
ter of Chris Baum, a well-to-do farmer, COM
mitted suicide by blowing the top OF her head
off with heavily loaded musket- The act
Is attributed to family troubles.
John Wilmont was caught in the shafting
of Vests paper mill, Ballston, n. Y,
Wednesday morning and was crushed to
death. He attempted to disentangle belt
without first stopping the machinery.
Ahe pauoon society OF Ureat Britain mas
bestowed a god medal upon Mr.. Williams, of
Cincinnati, who has given numerous exhibit
tions in England of his skill in the use of the
parachute in descending from balloon.
1t is now officially announced that, pending
negotiation of the Samoan dispute at Berlin,
each interested power-United States, Eng.
land and Germany-will keep one vessel in
the harbor at Apia- This country will be
represented by the Alert.
The canvass of the vote for city clerk of
Chicago was completed at noon Wednesday
and gives Franz Anberg, the Republican
candidate, a majority of 2l3 The figures
are to be revised on the demand of Mr..
Brasfeld, the Democratic nominee. who was
reported elected at first
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-04-11
Radical Way to Collect Wages.

SARATOGA, N. Y, April 1.-THE New
York Pulp company, with mills near Had
ley, this county, is financially embarrassed,
and, it is alleged, owed logmen in the vicin-
fly about s., 800 for logs On March 20,
while John Cowles, foreman of the mills,
was walking in the woods near Hadley he
was accosted by a band of men wearing
masks over their faces, after the manner of
white Caps" They told him to warn ].
Fl. Stewart, president of the company, tina
unless he promptly settled with the logmen
he would be harshly dealt with. Cowles
told Stewart of his adventure. Stewart inn
mediately left for New York, and few days
later the money was sent ON. The company
is now in the hands of a receiver.