The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-04-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A paper dealer-The note broker.
An old, chronic growler-The lion.
Sign of flongevity--"O sold Mems Home"
Rent in twain--The double dwelling
house.
The newest thing in the dog line
Puppies.
Will not necessarily fall-The girl
in slippers.
The flower of the family is often the
latest tc rise.
Settling money on a son frequently
unsettles the son.
The grocer doesn't often show grit.
He conceals it in the sugar.
A horse knows more than some men,
for it knows when to say neigh.
81 am only little shaver" said the
small boy who worked in carpenter
shop.
Att is reported that you have in
herited landed estate" B-'SIy dear
sir, it is groundless
"Your laundress appears to be very
old" "Yes; she belongs to the iron
age. - BostJR G4.otte.
This is a pretty passr' remarked the
editor when the railroad company re-
newed his transportation.
They stand for office in England and
run for it in America. Characteristic,
isn't it2--Phiiadeiphia Cal.
Curiously enough, the big guns of the
human race are seldom in the condition
to be fired. - Darlington Free Press.
Many a girl thinks she shall Miss if
she isn't married, and many wife Mrs.
it by not being single. - Chicago Journal
When the doctors give you up there is
only one way to get well; and that is to
give the doctors p.-FtigeRde Btdetter.
Without consulting the market reports,
one would naturally expect ''retned"
sugar to be 'quiet and steady."-Pit,s-
bury Ch. 0Riie.
There would be no objection raised
against any absconding financier settling
in Canada if he Eould first settle in this
country. - -Biaghampt0n Republican.
Tom-"A new coat, ehl What color
do you call it, seal browns" Dick
(thinking of his unpaid tailor)-"No;
dun brown guess. y Yankee Blade.
"Nice girl you have, that Clara, !" re-
marked Giles. "a little absent minded,
| hear" "a trife," replied Briggs.
"The last letter she sent me was sealed
with her chewing gum. "-NeO York Sun.
Mrs. Winks-"Well, declared The
weather indications are right for once"
Mr.. Winks docking over her shoulder)
-"Ilumph That paper IL" you have
got is a week old. .'-Phitadsl hir Record.
Captain Anson coaching his players
in game of ball at the base of the, great
Egyptian pyramid)-"Forty cenfnf&5
are looking down on you, Williamson
Bang the a;ufiing cut of r!"- Chicago
Tribune.
Said a disgusted tramp to his New
York associates on his return from q
Western tour: "They said would find
wonderful advance in the West, but
didn't find a man who would advance
me cent. ."-SJtiRgs.
~ used TO think" said Uncle Ezra,
''thet this thing of gals kissing pug dogs
was purity rough but sence | come TO
town an see some of the dudes well,
maybe the gals amt so much to blame
arter all. y Neto York Mercury.
"Geutlemen.of the jury" said counsel
in an agricultural case, there were SO
hogs in that lot-36. want you to re-
member that number - 30 hogs-just
three times the number that there are in
the jury box. ~ Albany Lao Journal
First Eminent Physician-"B Herr
Windygrat has gout-his lungs are as
sound as possible. Why did you tell
him not to play the trombone for six
months" Second Eminent Physician
because, my dear, Herr Windygratz
occupies the chamber next to mine. -
FmHy FO'ks.
A spring whose wateris a perfect writ
ing fluid has been discovered in AIichi.
gan. Now all that is needed is the dis
covery of a lake of writing paper, mine
of postage stamps and quarry of steel
pens, in the same vicinity, to make that
portion of Michigan 'literary centre"
--NeO Ior5 .Hercury.
"Will you have a piece of this nice
mince pie Tommy" said Tommy aunt,
with whom he was taking his dinner.
"please, ma'am," replied the little
fellow, holding his plate, "but you
might put two pieces on now mamma
has taught me never to pass my plate
back for the second piece