Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-12-29
SAID IN FUN.

Forgery is all right in the iron busi-
ness.
The laundry man has to receive a good
many cuffs in this world
1t is clear, when at theaters during the waits
- IWlxt the scenes in the stage panorama.
The men wander ont for the stuff that Ell stes
That the dramas the place-..r the Gicehmer.
A critic says that the addition of one
word will frequently spoil whole article.
This Is what the author thinks when he
gets his manuscript back with the indorse-
ment, Declined"
Colored minister Ito Sunday school class)
I-"Wha' was de forbidden fruit dat Adam
! and Ebe partook OBJ in the Garden of
Eden?"
Little George "Watermelons."
81 think man is a fool who will carry
street"
80 do I madame" said he politely;
that is why | always carry some other
MANS"
"Well, my dear, we should be comfort
able enough here Stationary tubs.
stationary washstands, hot and cold water
and all modern improvements"
"4es (deiectedly), John, that's all very
tic?''
MabeI-"Lefs play house; I'll be the
mother"
George-"Yes; and I'll be the father"
Clara-"And I'll be the cook"
Mabel and George (indignantly)-"Yes.
that's Just you! You always want to be
the boss of everything~
Woman-"Yes, sir"
Tramp-"Well, Pm sick of it. Pve had
ntthing else to eat for a week. PEN
feathers are beginning to sprout from nv
shoulder blades. Pll soon be an angel if /
eat much more turkey"
Farmer Hayseed- doctor, that heifer
o mine is pretty sick animal"
Doctor-"Yes; so l see."
Farmer Hayseed- like to have YOU
fix her up if you can. You see, doctor.
my wife died two months ago, and it would
be awful hard to lose 'em both in one year,
Wife-"John, dear, define a philanthro-
pist."
Husband-"A philanthropist, my love.
is man who gives away other peoples
money"
Wand what is a philosopher"
H.-"A philosopher is a man who bears
with resignation the toothache from which
his ne1ghbor is suffering"
Freddy-"Ma, whenever pa meets DR..
Vandel he always says to him, How are
you, old hoss% What does he mean by
that p?
Ma-"Oh, IT'S nothing more than term
to express thorough familiarity"
Uncle Josh Maybe; but l rather
think he calls the doctor old hoss' because
he's such famous charger"
A lady drove up to the Postofice in a
buggy Yesterday, and called to gentleman
who was passing:
would you be kind enough to mail
these letters ?"
ooh, certainly" he replied, as he bowed
and scraped and received them.
Get stamps and put on, please
Certainly"
At the end of five minutes he came out.
and she fished $50 bill out of her porte
monnaie and asked:
"Can you make the changer"
"No, ma'am."
"Then Pll bring it next time I come.
Thanks, and good morning"
81 am afraid" said the theatrical man
ager, eyeing his shabby visitor askance,
81 am afraid that you Will hardly be able
to take the title role in our new plav.
Billy, the Boy Shark. What qualifications
can you presentY'
81 have been arrested for forgery eight
times, spent five years in Sing Sing, killed
three men, committed arson, embezzled
100000, was indicted, tried and sentenced
to twenty-one years in Joliet for safe-blow-
ing, and"
Come right in" shouted the manager.
excieedly. your credentials are splendid.
Will $500 week be satisfactory?