The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-10-17
Scabby McGoogan on Flats.


A lady living on the fifth floor of an uptown
6at-house was called to the spea king tube by a
violent ringing of the door bell
what is it ~ she called down through the
speaking-tube.
Its Scabby McGoogan,'' came back the re-
ply I've called to see if you have any cold
wictuals this mornin' for poor man"
go 'wayl" screamed the lady through the
tube; "go way. 1 smell your awful breath
clear to the fifth floor"
Scabby McGoogan, Esq, was not so easily
disposed of at long range.
st is hardly fair to hold me responsible for
the condition of my breath, ma am he replied.
''Gettin', as best may, odds and ends from a
hundred kitchens to keep soul and body to.
gether, is it any wonder that am unable this
morning to watt up TO you through this pesky
tube the odor of new-mown hay, notwith-
standin slept in a manger last night?''
"Will you go away, or will be obliged to call
Il am not alarmed on the Cog question.
ma am. That racket works tolerably we'll where
the folks live on the commons, but have yet to
have my first encounter with dog that comes
down from the fifth floor. | have noticed that
in coming down from the fifth floor a dog has
time to take his sober second thought, and, by
the time he reaches the street, it occurs to him
that in the likely event that he be wounded in
the fray, he would have difficulty in dragging
himself back up the stairs, or up the back
stairs
You impudent scoundrel, will you go?"
screamed the lady until the tube ratified in
every Joint.
81 am in mood this morning to discuss"
came Scabbys voice, with exaSperating calm
ness, land while l have the hang of this
speakin' trumpet, may as we'll set forth an
idea or two that have not, as yet, been able to
get into the newspapers or magazines. desire
to say that, as the representative of a large and
growing class, l am Numerically opposed to
this fiat and apartment house system of Twin
You see tn disadvantage it places us under
Now. were permitted TO present my claims to
you face to face, instead OF by this ere hollow
mockery, l dare say that you would see the
dreadful necessity of the case and cheerfuly
comply"
The speaking tube vibrated again with the
indignant message:
"Coufound you, won't you ever goY'
II can tell by the sound of your voice." con-
tnued Scabby, that you have tender heart
and hadd ever ready to aid the deserving
poor. o, had the wings of dove | might
perch myself upon your kitchen windOw-sll and
partake of pie from your llly-white hand but
alas, am compelled TO communicate my wants
in this embaTassin and unsatisfactory way
BliStered be the tongue of the man who first
inven ed flats. Aside from the single advan-
tage that people who live in flats can't keep
oogs, l defy you. or any one else, to point
TO one redeemin' feature of the internal fiat
system"
IN pour scalding water down this tube il
you don't GO" yelled the any.
Just one word, said Scabby, land have
done. | wish TO reiterate my imprecation
against the inventor and designer of flats NAV
his tongue cieave TO the roof OF the highest
house in this town, while he is abliged to trudge
in the middle Of the road ana get his Die aud
cold potatoes through cusssd speakin' tube
Good day, nam.