Wichita eagle., 1889-05-15
9ai1g II eagle
RICHES VS.. HAPPINESS.
Hon. Skyfustus Ellington Adj
dresses the Limekiln Club.
The Great Orator Proves to His Own
Satisfaction That True Happiness L.
Worth More Than All the Gold
Ever Dug from Earth.
me1rrt Free Press.l

detroit Free Press.
"I desiah to denounce to dis assem-
lblaage,n said Brother Gardiner. as the
meeting opened. 9" dat de Hon. Skyfustus
Burlington. of New Orleans, am in de
aunty-room. am am waitin' to address US
ON de subjeck of Riches VS.. Happiness. }
de Hon. Skyfustus has addressed US befo'.
an it am needless 70 'splain to you dat he
knows de bizness of oratory as well as a
shoss doctor knows what ais sick nude.
He am rich in wisdom, 'sperenced in
philosophy, an has trabbled mo- miles on
freight trains dan any odder orator in de
world. Doorin' his address | desire de
silentest quietness. Any pusson found
guilty of frowing shucks around will be
sotdown on wild terrible airnestness befo'
de lodge closes. De Rscepshun Commit
tee will now escort de gem han in-''
L The committee left the hall for that Dur
pose, and soon reappeared in company with
the visitor. While he was taking a drink
of water and removing his necktie, collar
and suspenders the brethren mad a pretty
good look at him. He sized up two stories
and basement, about forty-five years old,
knees rather out of true, feet which
wouadn'trattle around any in pair Of No.
AVS, and a mouth built on purpose for
pumpkin pie. He bowed right and left to
all acquaintance. assembled the platform
with skip, and at once began:
''My frens, what am richest You can't
tell me. / see by de blank 'spreshuns on
your faces dat you can't. Riches, my
frens, consists in being rich. If you am
rich you han't poor If you am poor you
hain't rich OATS bin my spcrience fur de
last fifty vars, an while it has cost me a
good deal of money am willin' TO gin it TO
you fur muffin. Suppressed excitement
over getting something for nothing. We
hev seberal men in dis kentry worth more'n
twenty thousand dollars. Dey wallow in
riches, but what about DER happiness. Oar
must be some consolashun in bein' able to
walk into a grocery an tell de grocer to
send up fifty pounds of balzin' powder an a
millyon clothes-pins, but does dat rich
mogul sleep any sounder dat night den de
man who has drank sixteen-cent tea fur
supper! Of co'se he doan'i Like ruff he
dreams Of dem VERY mlllyon clothes-pins,
an in his dreams be am a towel on a
clothesline am cherry pin am tryin' to stick
him fast.
"My frens," continued the speaker, as he
began to warm up to his work, ''de rich
man walks on velvet ca'pets, an he sots
down on stuffed cheers, an he has Saratoga
Eaters cherry meal. He jist rolls in ham an
eggs. an he walks all ober de fricasseed
chicken. De poo man walks On bar foo,
sots on hard cheer, an his taters am billed
wild de hides on. Yet who am de happiestl
You will say de rich man. OF co'se, but dat's
whar yer toes turn in. When night comes
de poo man has no fear o. burglars; de
nOosepapers hain't gwine ter pitch inter
him in de mawnin; his wife bain't gwine to
'lope of wild anybody; his son am not gwine
ter be spelled from college. He jist sits
dar an eats snow apples an popco'n, an
contentment dripS all ober him.
DE rich man wars broadclothr' contin-
ued the orator after getting away with an
other drink, IAN he rides in his keeridge,
an he goes TO de opera. You envy him. but
what poo fules you am All de time he am
dom dis he am 'specting dat de smallpox
will break out in his family an take cherry
one of 'em off. De poo man goes afoot,
WARS plain wooden, an he doan' know what
de inside of an opera house looks like. AS
a reward he nebber has de smallpox nor
dipthyria.
"On cherry hand you h'ar de 'spreshun:
POO buthonest.' Nobody cher says: Rich
but honest 1t am only poo folkses who
lib from hand to mouth who am honest.
Ebery honest sentiment in de human breast
teaches US TO be poo. When your ole wom-
an, dressed in kaliker an WARM her last
hat, sees rich lady sailin' past
her, harnessed up in silks an diamonds an
she may fur a moment feel envi-
Gus. But, my frens, when she comes to re-
fieck dat rich women hev 10 war shoes one
size too small, an stockings wild stripes all
up an down de legs, an hev dressmakers
nm haf dr-n- ,frrir,
she feels TO pity 'em wild all her noble heart.
+" If was axed to advise a young man."
said the orator as he Strengthened out his left
leg to clear it Of cramp, Il should warn
him agin strugglin' fur too much wealth 1t
stings like an adder an bites like sarpint.
Riches am de cause of jealousies, envy an
crimes of all sorts. Oar can't be no COM
fort fur de rich man. He am worried about
his cloze; his bosses run away; his coach
man 'lopes of wild his darter; de bank in
which he has got his money am sartin to
bust. AFTER he has suffered an suffered,
long comes death an takes him away, an
no sooner am he buried dan his body am
stolen by a medical college. Applause
All de poo man has to do am to get
in his meat an taters an wood fur de VIM
ter, buy cloze fur de ole woman an de
chillen, lay in ten bar'ls of apples an two
Of cider, pay up his debts, put fifty dollar
bill in his west pocket an purceed to take
solid comfort an happiness. FCries of:
'Yumi Yumrl Sickness will not come to
will pass him by, an he will !
be nominated fur alderman in de spring
IF dar' am any man in dis club who signs |
fur riches he am de subjick OF my pity l /
warn you in my most solemn tones to quit 4
lat signing. True happiness am with mo- /
ian all de gold cher dug from airth.
i" Gem'len, had intended TO incloode de /
Garden of Paradise in my remarks an to .
bring in de Pyramids, Christopher Column
ous an George Washington, but de hour
am late an | must elongate dis oratory 10
quietus. Wishin' you all pos
'ible health an happiness, l will now de-
terminate my desideratum an I'd YOU fare /
welln
When the orator had retired Waydown
Behee moved vote of thanks
Rev. Penstock objected He said the
heory of the speaker was all wrong, and
hat his command of the English language
scarcely entitled him to appear on the front
platform of street car.
Nevertheless, upon a vote being taken,
he thanks of the club were extended by
arge majority, and the meeting then ad-
burned.
ABOUT SHOE BRUSHES.