The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-09-12

lncIuQeS q nice ITdIue, Iududlu. L uo
frame alone costs $12-Nea0 York San.
Old LADY, hope, my boy, you don't
sell papers Sunday Small newsboy
(sadly)-No, mum, l amt big enough
to carry Sunday edition yet.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
The widow is less selfish than the
maiden, for while the latter is always
looking out for No. l the former is
satisfied in watching for No. 2-Yonk-
ers Statesman.
81 hear you are going into the law,
Mr.. Barkins. What branch do you
take up, patent or railroadP' Breach
of promise. I'm the defendant. y
Hdrper'S Bazar.
81 am like tree" he observed, as
the clock struck IL. Il am rooted at
your side" Eyes, but you never leave,
do you?' And then he ''put forth. -
HarPer's Bazaar.
Apollo is said to be the first gentle
man who ever struck Tyre. If he
had only hit harder we might not have
SO many magnificent liars at the pres
ent time.-Trov Times.
After hearing the college graduates
discuss the problems of life and solve
them so easily we wonder that the
problems still remain to perplex so
many of us.-Bultinore Anlerican.
Merritt" you keep on, Johnnie,
YOU will soon know as much as your
teacher" Little Johnnie-"rd know
as much now if l had the book before
HI ,Io Jo,, Hr1or
Mrs. Bland-"How good your little
bow is, and how much he resembles his
father" Mrs. Testy y Yes; but /
brought up the boy. Ididn't bring
up his father. -Nev York Weekly.
Nudge = For Heavens sake, Bos-
worth, have you been sandbagged or
in a railway accident? Bosworth-
er night to scare my wife.-Courier-
Journal.
Frenchman (proudly)-"You have
not in re German Empire anything SO
tall as re great Eitfel Tower" Ger
man Indignantly mo, und you
don't got holdings so sthoud like Linn
burger cheese!' -JeWeLers' Weekly.
Jiggers-I nevah did like that fell
low Smart, don't you know. Riggers
Nor | either. He's a beastly cad.
Talks like gentleman, too. Jiggers
Yes; but what a deuced affectation
it is, too, you know.-Ctnctnmati Ga
zette.
Johnny Dumpsey with inflated pa
per bag)-S'h-h! See me bust this
bag by grandma's ear. Grandma (aft.
er the explosion, placidly laying her
knitting in herlap and looking toward
the door)-Come in.-Burtingt0a Free
Press.
Miss admire-What a frightful ex.
perience Mr.. Dare must have had al
Johnstown. Was he frightened or did
he keep cool? Mr.. Fearless (who was
with him)-Cool? Why, he was SC
cool his teeth chartered. Cincinnati
Commercial.
Convicted beggar "Your Honor,
couldn't you change my sentence OF
Imprisonment into a tine?" mo, that
| cannot do. And where would YOU
get the money if Idid?" 81 could beg
little every day till had enough
FIiegende Blaetter.
Sharp-eyed mamma-"My dear,
have my doubts about that Young
newspaper man who calls to see you.
l fear he does not possess good
moral character" Daughter-'.Wh by,
ma, how foolish you are! He's a re-
ligious reporter!"-Neeo YORK. Weekly.
Mrs. Jason-Jehiel, I don't believe
you think SO much of me as you did in
the first days of our married life. But
of course. | am not so pretty as | was
then. Mr.. Jason--O, yes you are.
Your hair is a heap prettier, even if it
isn't fastened on quite so tight.-Ierre
Haute Express.
Minister-''Ah, Mr. Pillar, the church
is sadly in need of funds" Parish
ioner-"What's wanted?" 81 have
started a subscription to buy the new
organ and another for the poor of the
parish" 81 can't contribute to both"
"Then subscribe to the organ fund"
Philadelphia Inquirer.
First workingman-Lets 90 to the
art museum. Second workingman-
Closed on Sundays, you know. Third
workingman-Well, let s take ride
in the stage, up Fifth avenue. Second
workingman-Don't run on Sundays.
First workingman-Gad then let's go
in Van Bier's back door and fill up.
Puck.
Golucky-As I'm the special sum-
mer correspondent of the New York
Daily Bt01Chard l suppose your terms
to me will be somewhat different from
your terms to regular guests. Sum-
mer hotel clerk (briskly)-Yes, sir;
yes, sir; of course. Our terms to YOU
will be cash in advance.-NeW York
Weekly.
Larwin-Do you believe in evolu-
ton? Jarmin (who is man modiste)
No; I've seen too much of fashion.
Larwin-What has that to do with it?
Jarmin-Well, fashion makes fools of
some, towards of many. and monkeys
of all. It's the last that skaters my
belief in evolution. Cincinnati Com
nlerctai.
Magazine editor = Miss Sweetlps,
may | have the pleasure of taking Won
sleigh riding Christmas-Day? Miss
Sweetlips = Certainly MIR. Stubpen,
but aren't you asking good while be-
forehands Magazine editor - Posi-
bly,; but our Christmas poems are al
ready in type. and habit is strong with
an editor, you know.-Btrlington Free
Press.
First tramp-What's become of Tired
Tompkins? l thought he was pard-
ner of yours. Second tramp--He got
pinched the other day for nippin' a
bloke's ticker. De cops wouldn't a.
never got him. but it was Waterbury
dat he collared. and de spring kim out
of it while he was a-runnin', and tan
gled him up so he couldn't git awav.-
Ierre Haute Express.