Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1889-07-10
GLADYS MAKES TROUBLE.
But HER OWNER WAS HAPPY, FOR
he WAS LOSING FLESH.


Five Times Buricd-Tho Dog Was Al
ways Jolly When Needing "a furnishing.
Another new method for the rcduc-
ton of obesity has been discovered, rs
all great discoveries are brough, about,
purely by accident.
You see, il was Just like Mis-. ex-
pounded is inventor. aty wife and /
went to housekeeping n while ago for
the FIRST time. and she thought she
couldn't keep house withou. some pets
You know how il Is when Your wife
masses up her mind To have anything.
We'll. got the pets. a cat and n dog.
At that time was working rowing
niaclslnc night and morning. swinging a
fifteen pound club. and various things of
that Kind TO keep my flesh down Well,
si~ first week after the dog came. it kept
me so busy c:sVr,ing reconciliation bc-
tween her ami the cat. teachin, her that
didn't enjoy ,carin;; oil down the block
after her every time the door opened.
ana curbins her propensity for r,.irrang-
ing rugs and the little curtains and
sislses my wife hangs around ON tables
ami chairs anil in bringing things. par
ticularly my wearing apparel, from the
the back yard. where she had a trick of
dragging them. that | didn't have time
TO use the machine and club at all. At
the end OF the week | had n whip ON
every uoor, and had lost two pounds of
flesh
After harmony had been established
between Gladys and the cat. pence
seemed 10 have been declared on her
part with all the feline race. She began
10 cultivate gaunt tomcat that came
growing into the yard. but Tom didn't
reciprocate her friendly approaches. lie
had known bitter experiences, and his
instincts were pcssin,istic and aggressive.
lilo made dive - Gladys, who was I'll
uuprcpared for tie onslaught, ana, of
course, she got the worst of H. In a lulu
IN the proceedings put bullet through
Toms back and finished the fray. In
tended To hit the cat in the head. but
with the usual pcrvcrsity OF his kind. no
continued TO spring just enough, to take
X In the back lie. crawlcI up n tree i'm
dckening and writhing way. kicking
out his quiverinS hind legs, and NV wife
began To cry and get white. ana say She
knew she was going 10 faint. begged
OF her not to until could bury my dead.
before the neighbours rushed in, and lust
then the cat gave one last wi,rgle and
dropped out OF the tree. put INV wife
on the bed with the Ponds extract bottle
rs couldn't lind the cologne. and rushed
down to bury the cut under n rose busl,
.Giadys looked on aPprovingly, and when
the grave was s:nootle,l over She snuTed
around II in n satisfied sort of way
which intimatcd that tho in;crmcnt was
all correct and proper.
The next night when got home thu;
cat lay under the rose bush without
hair on its carcass. and beside it sat
Gladys triumphant, radiantand expect
s,nt. Whiting my commentator. Some
at the dirt from uiat grave was on the
parlor windows, come in the pan OF let.
tucc set out on tho door step. and n lot
Inorc was over the fence In the next
yard. Well. licked the dog rs usual
as scientifically and Handsomely as ]
kr.y how. rubbed her nose on tho cat.
on tho spade in the grave, explaining
meantime that / wanted the cat left
alone. Then l buried 1t again. GLADYS
capering about tie gard, cutching the
various ilutterinS pendant garments o.
the clothes Line In her teeth, md swing
ing round and round in great glco until
;lle clothes tore or the pins came out.
Tho next night when went home my
wife WIS gone. didn't have to INQUIRE.
knew without. \ heavy tiger skin
rug had been dragged into tho next
room and turned upside down, with n
white silk ecarf OF the cabinet around
the tigers heal. 4 large fur rug had
Dccn dragged AWAY from the fireDIace
MI s.fl x d, Il.
rug OF choice skins from the couch; I'm n
corner Vcnitian glass ornament lay in
fragments on the floor. and in the midst
o. tho devastation. in white ard gold
chair so dccled out with bluc ribbons
and plush that neither or any guest
who ever came here had sufficient 20.
merity 10 sit down in it. sat Gladys. ami
mated, cxpcctant and delighted to see
me. | went to the window to get n
whip and looked cut. There lay the cat,
stark, gtin and staring.
IL took INC long time 10 polish that
dos oil as che deserved and set the cat
buried again 20 my satisfaction, and IL
WAS not quite agreeable. even 10 me. 70
bo rubbing tie dogs noae Ia tho corpso
In the way she deserved.
Tho next night. when went homo. /
found my wife crying by the wash bowl
aud holding some wriggling. squirming
thing scwed up in little muslin BAG
under water with her inger. II proved
70 be tlire9 OF the four kittens which she
had asked mo 10 Kill. and which I had
forgotten. Tho Lord only knows how
long sine had been about IL. for she sobl,cd
out that they wouldnt die and she was
80 faint and sick. ! went out to enrich
another rose bush with the last remains
Of the three embryonic cats. wien GLADYS
came rushing up so delighted about some.
thing that ] knew clio needed her usual
licking Tho cat was not entirely disin.
TERED; only his two hind feet stuck M
straight and hairless above tho ground
Evidently had in my haste buried him
with his feet up. thfaslied the dog and
tho nest night found the two foro feet
unearthed. ! hammered the dog again
and buried the cat That was the last
Of H. The ifthtime ! buried that animal
his grave wasundisturbed. ard had lost
five pounds
Every night there's some now develop
mont Last night II was pair og $40
Shoes plo lad nffofuYta1 g.. rtnI.r q. ,..-...f