Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-08-01
uUMOR OF THE DAY.

Jokes on the sun are too far-fetched.
How to remove weeds Merry the
widow. .a5-ss
Colleges try to honor men by degrees.
Nail and Express. g...
The cucumber does its best fighting
after it is down.-SyJltings. -, -, In,
The photographer is nothing of, an
enigma, but he is a good deal of poser.
-Bdzdr. :. -. j.. ,,..
Wealth and impecuniosity is mere
matter of cents and non cents.Mer-
chant Iha0eler. ,s n
The tree that George Washington cut
was once CHEEKY, Now it is chestnut.
--MeW YoTk Netos. d. s E~&
The section hand may not be much at
repartee, but he is great at raillsry.-
Merchant 1raceIer.s
Some reporters become proficient in the
giving as we'll as the taking Of notes.-
Merchant 1rageler. = .. G1
In Russian society the question stwho
| is who," is never asked. 1t is always
witch is witch. - BazQr. asa
The Siamese Twins regretted all their
days that they could never engage in
single skull race.-Si filings.
elbow is it your Tommy is SO small for
his age, Mrs. Briggsa" "Oh,. the little
dear always was a shrinking child" eD
! claimed itssmother.-NeO York San.
A Texas horseman, convicted of capt.
tai crime, asked the Judge if he couldn't
be hung in his own house, since he was
always good on the home-stretch. -SVt-
in9s. .'t' ' -,
Teacher-sSammie, how many bones
are there in the human body; your faith
er's, for instance?" Samnie- -''One; he's
the ossifed man at the museum.'-
Busar. ~ a
Mother-"Ella, you cannot marry him.
He has no money" fElla-s'Why,
mother, Isaw him give s. fp beggar!"
Enthusiastically an acGomplice. p
Boston Herald. II
"Did you get that box Of cigars sent
you9" inquired the fiancee. "Yes, dear"
"And how did you like thema' ''The
box was very nice indeed, " hesaid, softly.
Times Democrat. a55 a
| House Owner-"H you any pla-
cards, This house to rent2' +" Printer
eyes, sir. Here are some patent-fibre,
woven signs, warranted to wear for two
years. - Omaha World. 54
George, dear, when we reach
town let us try to avoid leaving the i'm
preston that we are newly married"
Z "All right, Maud; you can lug this
valise."-New Yosk San.
Cause and Effect. --Mamma-ss
Bobby, you are all over ink. Go and
look at your face in the glass" Bobby
4 (proudly) Course I am. We've had a
writin' lesson again this morning. ."-PieE
Me Up.
| A Philadelphia freak offers to bet
$1,000 that he can eat fifty eggs-includ-
ing shells-in fifty seconds. The Norris
toaom Herald bets him $4,000 that he
can't, if he permits tito choose the eggs.
--New York Nesos. -ff .2f4'7
Well Advised. .--s'My wife is. bound to
set up housekeeping and has started me
out househunting. don't know whether
to buy or rent--either is bad enough" !"
"Well, of the two. evils one should
always choose the leased. p Ha,per's
BaaGr, 3,@
!. Judge Ito prisoner)- $50 you were
drunk and discrderly? What have you
! to say2" Prisoner raI'ye good deal
t to say, your honor, if you'll only give
t me time to say it." Judge Certainly,
: with pleasure. Sixty days will be enough,
i won't ita Our object is to please. -
Washington Critic.
Miss Hightone (secing Rollo, the new
Scotch terrier, for the first time) -''Why,
Sarah, what have you done with Duke,
that lovely little pug2" Mrs. Llewyn
Qately a widow "Oh, I've given him
away. / like Rollo. much better; he re-
/, minds me so much Of poor dear Alfred,
who had such lovely blonde whiskers." !"
-Drake's Magazine. - s,sts.i