The great West. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1889-18??, 1889-11-01
Quill Pictures.

Ao1lI I-lCIuISS.
From the Pen Of Our Own
Artist.
The average daily newspaper con-
sists of three parts baseball, three
parts railroad pools, three parts
pugilisticencOunters, and one part de-
tails about the comings and goings,
the saying and doing of a lot of very
ordinary little creatures, who be-
cause they hold paltry places in rail-
road companies are elevated to the
highest Importance. Now The
GREAT WEST don't want to be be-
hind the times, and SO it has specially
appointed us reporter to get up a
weekly resume of the latter depart
ment. He has only requested a few
points this week, but next week we
hope to do better. Here they are:
The Hon. James J. Hill yesterday
stubbed his sacred big toe against a
recumbent champagne bottle. The
telephone was set to work and six
st. Paul doctors hurried wildly tn
the scene OF the catastrophe. Five
more doctors arrived at midnight on
a special train from Minneapoiia.
The daily papers held back their
issues for two hours to give the lat
est information to an expectant and
anguishcd public. Mayor Smith has
ordered the American flag to be
placed at half-mast on the court
house, and state officials will wear
mourning for thirty days, or until
the swelling goes down. We expect
to have in your next issue a photo
graph OF the toe as itappeared before
1T was stubbed, and, another show
ing how it looked after the stub.
An examination of the latter will
show that the genius of that great
man, the President of the Manitoba.
manifests itself even in the smallest
trifles. While any other man would
have stubbed his toe on the north
east corner our illustriOus fellow
citizen stubbed his on the northwest
corner. When our reporter left the
royal mansion this morning, at four
O'Clock, Vice President Uough was
nursing the toe in his lap, and Mr..
Hill had just telegraphed to Edison,
the wizard of Menlo Park, Offering
him 100000 if he could invent some
means whereby the pain could be
transferred to some other man. Two
hundred parasites thronged the front
pavement, each clamoring to be the
lucky man to act as recipient for the
transferred pain; but Clough has a
plan to capitalize the stub, water it,
and distribute it along the line of the
Manitoba as preferred stock, to be
paid for by the farmers.
Charles Jinkins, of Ashtabular, has
been appointed fourth bottle washer
Of the Duluth and South Shore Rail-
road. His wife's secOnd-cO usin is the
happy mother of a charming and in
telligent baby.
An alarming rumOr pervaded New
York yesterday. 1t was said that
Mr.. Henry Willard had partaken too
freely Of sour-krout and pickles. with
resulting consequence of the most
dreadful nature. The news created
a great senEatiOn on the stock ex-
change mot that any fatal conse-
quence was apprehended, but because
of the pain it was feared that great
man would experience. A broker
rose on q chair, and read telegram.
signed G, from physicians, stating
that Mr.. Wizards stomach was
"dreadfully tympanitic, y ,whereupon
the whole board and the SPECTATORS
broke forth in groans and weeping.
Nothing Ike It has been seen in
America since George Washington
died.
The apple-hoy on train 4 of the
Northern PacIfic railroad has a yery
bad cold IN his head. He bought
twelve new pocket-handkerchiefs
yesterday.
Just az you go to the press the as
tonishing news reached us that Tom
LOwry's cat has had kittens. We
despatched our artist at once and