The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-09-07
VARIETY.

When you feel like calling big
man liar, be sure you're right,
then use the telephone.
It is only when they have reached
the Browning point that Boston
housewife will serve baked beans.
Pedestrian Ito applicant for char
ity): SEQ shoot yourself!" Guzzle,
the Tramp Sadly: 81 amt loaded"
Stayner witnessing the prepare
tion) ''Off for the summer?" Godsby
STRUGGLING with innumerable boxes):
mo; in for it,"
The Toronto Globe tells of man
who has cooked his own breakfast
for fifteen years. He must like it
very well done.
Clara: "What a terrible noise
that wagon makes!" George: eyes.
It's dreadful, isn't it?" "What
makes it groan SO, George?"
"Why, it is filled with green
apples"
Superintendent of an electric rail
way Ito applicant for position):
'sWhat is your name?" Applicant:
"Wood, sir" "You want to be APP
pointed conductors" Eyes, sir"
Cant take you, sir" "Why not?"
Electric experts say that Wood is
poor conductor"
''Do you belong to the Salvation
Army?" he asked of stern-visaged
woman who stood at his side. "No,
sir, do not. But in this genera
ton of tired men," she added, with a
whitening glance at the row of sit
ting males, II seem to belong to
the standing army" She got
seat"
A teacher asked her class IN geo.
graphy where the Turks live. The
remarkable reply was: "ln the
woods" Thinking the people had
COMPOUNDED the Orientals with the
aborigines, the answer was pro-
nounced to be incorrect" The
pupil rejoined: "Well, [ have seen
them there roosting In the trees
Romantic Spinster: Excuse me-
sir, but is not this the spot where
that beautiful girl fell into the water
last summer, and was SO gallantly
rescued by the gentleman who after
wards married her. Practical
Bachelor giving her penetrating
glance: Yes, ma'am; but L CAM
swim"
A widow called at sculptor's
studio to see the clay model Of the
bust of her husband. II can change
it in any particular that you may
DESIRE" he said. The widow looked
at it with fearful eyes. "The nose
is large" she remarked. ga large
nose is a sign of goodness" said TIN
artist. The widow wiped away her
tears, and sobbed: "Well, then
make it little larger"
AID Irish gentleman was recentl,
attended by an eminent Londol
physician, who, pausing and LOOKING
at him with an inquiring glance
said: st should like to know, sir,
your family have been long-lived?
"Long-lived, is it?" responded tn
patient thoughtfully. g Well, do
tor, I'll just tell you how it is. on
family is West of Ireland famil,,
and the age of my ancestors d
pended entirely on the judge an
Jury who tried them!"
Lord Lonsdale, who was repute
to have the largest family {
daughters among the English ari
tocracy. was once taking walk
B, a German watering-place, wit
his six oldest daughters. Two 9th
visitors followed at little 'distanc
and one of them remarked, in |
undertone: "Alasl poor man." B
the lord, who had overheard t
observation, turned round and I
piled, with gentle emphasis: IN
SO poor as you think, sir; ha
/, six other daughters at home!"
4 The London Lancet says: Chi
rem who are allowed to go ba
= footed enjoy almost perfect immun
from the danger of cold by &C
dental chilling of the feet, and til
are altogether healthier and happ
than those who, in obedience to
usages of social life, have their Low
extremities permanently invalide
and, so to say, carefully swathed a
:. put away in rigid cases. AS regal
" the poorer classes of children, ths
can be no sort of doubt in the mi
(S. of anyone that it is incomparal
better they should go barefoot
!. than wear boots that let in the W
and stockings that are nearly alwi
damp and foul"