Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-08-26

Visitor That engine acts very queer
ly, it seems to me-" Engineer: "Quite
likely, sir. 1t has an eccentric rod.
Miss Bugge-.'Oh, but mine is such a
horrid name!" Young Brown-"Ah-a
-um-Tm afraid it's too late to alter it
now"
Hired Girl Ito tramp, travel-stained
and tattered) --"Well, you're a dandy -
Tramp Surveying himself sorrowfully)-
Eyes, I'm a dandy, but I'm no dude"
sDo you believe the report that there
is Creole blood in Miss Waldo?" NO"
replied Merritt; ~ only wish there was
something of that sort to take the chill
off
He-sTalking about names, l wish
could get mine changed. 1 think it is
too ugly for anything" She (enthusias-
tically)-"Oh, don't, | think it is just
lovely!"
s'Well, doctor, how did you enjoy your
African journey? How did yon like the
savages?' ooh, they were very kind
hearted people; they wanted to keep me
there for dinner"
Bridget-'Enio Shape, is it? The
minute lay down I'm aslape, and the
Where's the time for enjoying Shape to
come in I'd like yez to tell me?"
Boston Fathers, Esq.,-'I suppose
you don't speak to the common herd any
Mt. Mic r,oI-oirb
(who has just realized largely)-"Why,
certainly, Mr.. Fathers, how do you do?''
'sOh. yes, 1 know. You are true to
me no longerl That little flirt, Nellie,
has quite turned your head!" "Oh, here,
| say. Don't be so hard on fellow.
You don't think I'm true to her either, do
your"
Lady Belle Gravia Gin London)-"At
the last drawing-room the queen kissed
an American girl who was presented to
her." Miss Allie Bazam (of Chicago,
dressing for her presentation)-"H
rors She doesn't always, does she?"
1t was a Connecticut boy who sur
prised his teacher in reading the other
day. by his Interpretation of the SEN
tence sThere is a worm; do not tread
on him. He read slowly and hesitating-
iy. "There is warm doughnut; tread
on himl"
The Grocer. -'sGood- morning, Mr.. Dat
cake What brings you back to the city
so soon?" Farmer Oatcake-"Waal, I'm
going so have good many more sum-
mer boarders than l expected, so you
might send me ten more cases o canned
vegetables -
Mr.. Van Toozer shows Mr. PerryJohn
a new waltz step, and two rustic youths
who are attracted to the spot, thus COM
ment upon the performance: "What them
city fellers doin,' Link?" 'Wrastlin'
side-holt, 1 reckon. Mighty tame wras-
tlin, though"
The young lady has just finished play
ing a selection from ''Faust": Old Lady
-sHow nice always did like Home,
Sweet Home" Young lady with a
start)-s' Home, Sweet Home!" Old
Lady-''Yes. Min plays it. l can always
tell it when she crosses her hands"
Judge-''You were arrested for walk
ing on the grass in the park, and that,
too, right near notice warning you to
keep off," Accused-''Yes, I'm near
sighted you know, and L couldn't make
out what the sign was, so went over on
the grass to read it and was arrested"
Government clerk (to friend)-''I'm in
frightful hole. 1 went to see two doc
tors yesterday and got medical certif-
cate from each. One was certificate of
health tor life insurance company, and
the other was certificate of illness to
send to the chief with my petition for a
weeks leave of absence" Friend-"Pve
done that myself. What's the matterT'
G. C.-''Matter? Great Scott! / mixed
the certificates in mailing them. The in
surance company has my certificate of
ill-health ard the chief has my certificate
of good health"