davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1889-10-18
a JUDICIAL LAUGHsR.
The Founder ofa Profession witch Prom
ises to ReNolutioniHe Legal Methods.


"Mr McGlue, l suppose?' said n
robust locking man, with an ashes OF
roses of nose and a big mouth, walk
ing into the Office Of that well-known
merchant the other morning.
You'll have TO excuse me just
now" said the businessman, swapping
his watch; I've got big case to attend
10 in court this morning"
"EXactlyH said the stranger Il
noticed il on the calendar, SO | called.
Don't you want to engage me?'
Are you lawyer?'
'Gr.at Scott, No-l haven't sunk
that low yet. I'm legal cachinnator."
"A what?n
"Why, a professional laugher i
sort o cap all the jokes OF my clients
lawyer; don't you see? EXasporates
the other side. Grapple with the idea,
don't youP"
Cant say do, exactly"
well, I'll explain. You sec there
IL nothing so effective in jury trial
as ridicule, satire and things. Well.
nine out Of "A hundred juryme en- never.
see the point OF joke no matter how
plain it is; but they are always ready
20 chip in and follow up any one who
starts laugh-just like "A flock OF
Sheep
care, eh2"
"Ycs, sir. Experience has proved
that the large majority OF mankind
need to be told when to laugh. They
have TO be set in motion, so TO speak,
like n row OF bricks
"Yes; but"
But what has that to do with yom
case, ch? I'll tell you. You see, | sit
in one OF the front benches, where the
jury can see me easily. and whenever
your counsel cracks joke and says
something funny, or intended TO be
funny. laugh like an cnd-man OF "A
minstrel show, and pound with big
cane. or course the jury joins in and
the other side becomes perfectly furi-
GUS"
"Malles 'em mad ch?" said the mer-
chant
"Just breaks 'em ali up. And the
madder their lawyer gets, the moro
the jury and spectators are impressed
in your favor Why, in Skcggs vs..
Skindcrly. last week, actually laughed
the plaintiff clear out Of court
"Did, eh?'
YES, sir. You see, when the OPP
position counsel try TO be funny in re-
turn / scrape my feet on the floor.
cough, drop my stick, and look as
solemn as n darky undertaken. i
throw that in, though, without extra
charge"
That's kind Of YOU
Don't mention IT, Now, just retain
me in your case. aud I'll do you more
good than all the high-priccd lawyers
in the country. I'll cost you just
twenty-five dollars; and If you'll make
it thirty dollars, I'll also put on
couple Of boys apprentices
OF mine. They're not very reliable
yet; but when we work together we're
a team-I tell you. One Of 'em il
particularly promising; has mouth
almost as big as "A darky, and can
break an ordinary window glass-not
plate-glass, you know-at six feet dis
tance, by laughing at it, five times out
OF six Nearly shook down tho gallery
while doing the 'deafening applause
and uncomfortable mcrriment at a
political meeting at Steinway Hall the
other night. and"
"Ill-ahem think OF IL. Yes,
! guess you'd better drop in again
this afternoon said the merchant,
thoughtfully.
And as Purify, the defendant in Nc
Glue vs. Purify, is now trying 20 effect
a compromise, it is fair TO suppose the
specialist was engaged. - Derrick
Dodd in Puck
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1889-10-18

In tho Park. -Shc 0rom Boston, -
What a beautiful equestrian statue,
Uncle Chawlcsl
Podunk Farmer (who has over
heard the exclamation -Jist hear
that talk. Mlrandyl 'Qucstrian statool
les nothin Of the kind. It., a man on
hossback; that's what 1t 10. Judge
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1889-10-18

SEAs0NABLE SPECIALS
DisinteetantS of all kinds,
chloride of lime, camphor,
acmphorine, white hellibore
Paris green, white vitriol and cop
eIas. Fly paper, insect powder.
ROCK BOTTOM PRICES.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1889-10-18

Fond Mamma Come here, darling
What have you been playing withp
Darling Don't november.
Fond Mamma-Yo hands arc per-
fectly covered with dust
Darling-I dot do dust OF o dat big
book.
Fond Mamma Why, ] declare the
child has been playing with the family
Bible. Chicago America.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
OHIO NEWS NOTES

Gathered From Various Parts of the
Buckeye State.
Ii attempting to steal q ride young man
sas killed and shockiugly mntilated near
! Stcher, O. From papers in his possession
heeS supposed to be Albert Rinicker, proba-
bly, of Canton, O..
| Mrs Betsy Thomas, aged IS years, COM
mitted suicide near Akron, O., by jumping
| head first into, well.
John Booth, Richland county, O., far
mer, during his wife's absence, packed up
the household furniture and left, taking
with him about 500 belonging to her
At Piqua, o., Ike Morgan and Tenk Har-
baugh broke Jail by saving off the bars of
their cell
Single Tax club, OF Springfield, O., tacks
the name of Allel w. Thurman to the
gubernatorial masthead.
Oil has been discovered in q well which
had been drilled several months ago at
| Coshocton, o., and abandoned by the drill
ers as dry.
Findlay, O., held an election for postmas-
ter, resulting in a majority of 500 for Sam
uel c. Moore, The man already nominated by
President Harrison.
George Staple, of McConnellsville, O.,
was seriously stabbed by Moses Dawsey,
with whom Mrs. Staple had been living.
The row was occasioned by Staple going to
Dawsey's house to see his wife.
The last run of John G. Thompson, rail-
way mail clerk between Columbus and To-
ledo, seems to be longer than the postal reg
ulations prescribed. Five registered pack
ages have disappeared also.
Gas has been found near New Bremen, O.
An incendiary fire at Attica, O., destroyed
property valued at $35, 900.
Jacob A. Sites, prominent farmer OF
Hancock county, O., was instantly killed by
a falling tree.
Hamilton's Mayor GetS says he will be at
his office all day Sunday to enforce the
Sunday law. ......
Bridget Kelly, aged about so years, was
burned to death, while alone, at her home
near Steubenville. o.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
FREEDOM TOWNSHIP.
FREEDox TOWNSHIP, April 9Th. 1889.
bbie May Noit.r is on the sick list.

FREEDoM Township, April 9Th. 1883.
Libbie May Noiter is on the sick list.
Laura Kline is very sick OF present.
j. Motter and wife spent last Sunday in
Fulton county. Be-
Henry Gehrett has built r large shed. Hen
ry is bound to keep his farming utensils in
the dry.
Lorenzo Robinson is building an addition
to his house; he wants plenty of room.
j. F. Motter is working for George Rowe
of Adams township.
George Roddy goes about with ten inch
grin on his face since the arrival of girl
baby at his house which weighed eleven
pounds.
S. A. Steambarge, our blacksmith, is doing
a great deal of work at present because he
stays at home and attends to his business
like man.
George Kigar, the old reliable medicine
man of this town, is on his rounds selling
great deal of patent medicine.
There are a gang of toughs who live West
of this township who make it business to
go along the Bryan Pike tearing down mail
boxes and making the cir hideous with their
vulgarity. Let no more such acts be done
for you are known, every one of you, and if
you do not pass along the road and mind
your own business you will get into trouble.
JUMBO.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
IN OKLAHOMA.
Trouble Anticipated in that Sec.
tiOn in a Few Days.
1T is STATED THAT THE BOOMERS
WILL BURN RAILROAD BRIDGES

On the Night of the s1st in Order to Pre-
vent the Influx of Homesteaders Until
They Can Make Perfect Their Claims.
Every Precaution win Be Taken to
Frustrate Their Plans.
ARKANSAS CITY, Kan, April S-The of
ficials of the Santa Fe railroad were busy
Sunday investigating the story that the
boomers concealed in the woods of Okla
homa had banded together for the purpose
of destroying the railroad bridges on the
night of April 81, in order to obstruct the
influx Of homesteaders until the men con-
cealed in the country could make perfect
their claims
1t appears that the boomers in hiding are
desperate. They have selected and watched
their claims for years, and they now fear
that the newcomers, with the assistance of
rapid transit, may get the best of them.
There was meeting of the boomers held in
the timber near Oklahoma City last Thurs
day, and they canvassed the situation. After
the meeting adjourned the Santa Fe agent
received notice that the bridges would be
burned and the trains stopped on April %.
as the old boomers did not propose to ieop-
ardise their chances by allowing a food of
tenderfeet to drop in on the land they had
picked out
Detectives have been sent along the line
through the country, and every precaution
will be taken to prevent railway obstruc-
ton.
There are twice as many people now on
the borders as can be accommodated under
the homestead act of Oklahoma. Sunday
fully 800 passengers arrived in this city all
bound for Oklahoma. Many of them repre-
sent colonies and are here as advance agents.
There are men here representing colonies
from Washington, California, Utah, Colo
rado, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana,
Wisconsin and Alabama The colonies num-
Der from twenty to 500 persons.
Sunday evening twenty empty passenger
coaches pulled into this city on the Santa
Fe, attached to the regular freight train,
and were run into the yard to await the ed.
A railroader said that the Santa Fe company
had 400 cars already engaged by parties who
desired household goods removed to this
point before the 21st.
The crowd has increased here to such pro-
portions that persons who get their mail at
the free delivery window at the postofice
are compelled to form into procession, and
then it is frequently five or six hours before
they can get to call for their mail As a
consequence of this large influx of people
here real estate commenced changing hands.
"ae sales of Saturday amounted to $62, 900,
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
A Famous Battle Ground.

| On the banks of the Tippecanoe, A
small stream which enters the Wabash
river in Indiana, was fought the terri
BILE battle of Tippecanoe.
In this great struggle of frontier times,
the allied western Indians under the
chieftainship of Elskwatawa, the
Prophet" were defeated in Novem-
DER, 1911, by the Americans under the
command of Gen. VIM. H. Harrison.
1t was desperate, hard fought bat
tie, and much depended upon the re-
suit.
Had the Indians been successful, all
barriers of defense for the early settlers
would have been overthrown and the
deadly tomahawk would have been
active in the rapid determination of the
remaining pioneers. On the other
hand the fortunate termination of the
contest put an end to further attempts
at open warfare by the Indians. The
rich territory, so long 0ver-run by hos
tile savages, was thrown open for set
tlement, which rapidly occurred as
soon as the news of the great victory
became widespread.
Naturally great praise was rendered
to the success and intrepid bravery of
Gen. Harrison and he was honored in
many ways. He afterwards served as
commander of the Army of the North
west. and when Indiana was admitted
to statehood, he was selected to repre-.
sent the State in the United States SEN
ate. In 1910 he was elected President
and his unfortunate demise occurred
shortly after being inaugurated.
The forty-second anniversary of the
battle of Tippecanoe found the gallant
grandson of "Old Tip" leading his
forces to great political victory which
resulted in the selection of Gen. Ben.
Harrison as President of the United
States.
The Harrisons have been a hardy
race of men, sprung from old log cabin
stock. which is a sufficient guarantee of
its genuineness wherever found. Rea-
liZing the truth of this, great effort has
been made to re-discover some of the
secrets contained in the old log cabin
stock of useful articles, and as the re-
suit, the famous Old Log Cabin Sarsa-
parilla, universally regarded as the best
spring tonic and blood cleanser has
been found. Not satisfied with the
world wide esteem which is held for
Warmers Safe Cure, the only cure for
kidney diseases, the proprietor is will
ing to do ali that is possible to estab-
lish Warmers Log Cabin Sarsaparilla as
foremost among household articles on
account of its purity and effectiveness.
After all, each individual has, at all
times, the great battle of life or death to
fight, and for security attention must
necessarily be given to the best weap-
ons which science can offer humanity
in the great contest.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
SPECIAL THANKSGIVING.


President Harrison Recommends That
April 30 Be Observed.
WASHINGTON Anril S-Pras;don. Eor.
,.iso, hoe iss,,od +ho fo,,ou,;r, ,sa",n.-:1- - 80.
.~ , So -, VIZ ,'o"e no "oI"''iia'ioh
recommending Aprii ~ next 0ne oa'e OF the
centenmal ceieoratlon OF the Inauguration
OF President Washington, as, a special GEN.
tennial Thanksgiving day:
"a hundred years have passed since the
government, which our for.fatbers founded
was formally oroaniyod A. noo, ~, 49,
9n+h dov - a Ill Zoo :. ~. ~ .no
~ - u"y - pN' l'''' III .ne Guy oi ne"
aolA' anu III 'ne presence Oh an assemolage
ui sne neroic men whose patrlotic devotion
nau ieo 'ne co,Unies 70 victory ana moepend-
aaee' oeoIee washington oook 1ne oath OF
oince ,: us chs, T LpaglSlraCe OF tne new born
repoohc. Inns Impressive ACT was preceded
az ocloek IN tne morning, IN all the
cnurcnes Oh 1ne ciIy, py' prayer Tor GODS
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
THE OHIO LEGISLATURE.
The DOinEs of the States Lawmakers for
Wednesday.

Senate-Resolution adopted: To adjourn
April 10. Bills passed: Providing for leaves
of absence for members Of the fire depart
ment;. exempting building and loan aSsocia-
ton shares from taxation. Bills introduced:
Granting corporations supplying munich
palities the same right to secure property
that the city would have; to prevent fraudu-
lent gas charges.
House-Bills passed: Prohibiting corpo-
rations from advertising larger dividends
than have been paid. The conference report
on the resolution to amend the constitution
relating to taxation was concurred in. The
constitutional amendment relating to bien-
NAL elections was postponed until Friday
The house refused to reconsider Poorman's
bill putting public institutions under one
management.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11

Senate-Bills passed: Changing the time
for the election of the state board of equal
ization; changing the time in which foreign
insurance companies shall submit their re-
ports; providing for compensation for ma
terial used by road supervisors taken from
private lands; declaring roads used continu-
ously for twenty-one years to be public high
ways.
House-Resolution offered: To reconvey
the work house for the blind to the original
donors. Bills passed: Providing for female
directors of the Cincinnati work house; au-
thorizing the appointment of watchmen for
township cemeteries.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
Plies! pies! ltching Piles.

Symptoms-M Moisture; intense itching and
stingin5; most at night; worse by scratching.
If allowed to continue tumors form, which
often bleed and ulcerate, becoming very sore.
Swayne's Ointment stops the itching and
bleeding, heals liberation, and in most cases
removes the tumors. Atdruggists, or by mail
for 30 cts. DIR. Swayne & Son. Philade5hia.
EozEMA, IToHY, ScALY, SKIN FORTUNES.
The simple application of "Swayne's Oint
ment," without any internal medicine, will
cure any case of letter, Salt Rheum, Ring
worm, Piles, Itch, Sores. Pimples, Eczema,
all Scaly, Itchy Skin Eruptions, no matter
how obstinate or long standing. Itispotent,
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
Spring Medicine.

The necessity of spring medicine is
almost universally admitted. And the
superiority of Hoods Sarsaparilla for
this purpose becomes more and more
widely knswn every year. That power
to purify the blood, and those elements
of strength and health which the sys-
tenn Graves, and to which it is so sus-
ceptible at this season, are possessed by
this peculiar medicine in a pre-eminent
degree. Scrofula, boils, pimples, or any
humor, biliousness, dyspepsia, sick
headache, catarrh, rheumatism, or any
diseases or affections caused or pro-
NOTED by impure blood or low state of
the system, are cured by Hoods Sarsa-
parilla. Try the peculiar medicine.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11

In Fayette county on Saturday, near
the village Of Jasper, there are two
gravel banks which were used as bury
ing places for the Mound Builders or
perhaps early tribes of American In
dians. "A number of skeletons have
been exhurned from the antiquated
burying grounds, and the large size of
some of them has led many to believe
that they are the remains ofthe Mound
Builders. Tn one of the mounds an in
fant's skeleton was exhumed. Around
its neck were numerous strands of
beads, and miners utensils were found
lying about 1t. Judging from the large
size of some Of the bones of one of the
skeletons exhumed, the original pos.
SCISSOR of 1t must have been veritable
giant. measuring eight feet or more in
height.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11

have been born and
are now cutting
figures in the world
since be left Kan
sas. He has become
identified with
Washington ways
and customs, and
it follows that Kan
sas suffers from
this. One cannot
remain away so
many years and
sstill be in touch
Swith the people he
represents. Ingalls,
MS not rich and will
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11

Senate-Bills introduced: Changing the
time in which foreign insurance companies
shall file their report; exempting limited
interstate trains from the provisions of the
law requiring them to stop at all stations of
5000 inhabitants. Bills passed: Providing
for merging the Ohio State Archaeological
society with the state library; requiring the
employment of ex-soldiers and ex-sailors.
House-Lost: Senate bill to grant salaries
to the state board of pardons; providing for
women suffrage in cities and townships.
Bill passed: Providing for boards of elec-
tions in all cities of 1900 and upward
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
HALSTEAD'S REJECTION.

A Kansas Man Says 1t May Cost Senator
Ingalls, His Seat.
KANSAS CITY, April S-Senator Ingalls,
constituents have nos taken kindly to his op,
position to Murat Halstead's confirmation.
and it is more than likely that he will have
to make stubborn fight for his return.
J. R. Burton, of Abeline. has openly an
nounced his candidacy, and is personally Y
making a canvass of the state.
''Mr. ingalls, began his congressional life, y
he said. NEARLY generation ago Children
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
Friday.

Senate-Bills passed: Making appropria-
tons; granting the same rights to acquire
property to corporation supplying munich
palities with water that municipalities would
have if so engaged; requiring the registra-
ton of bonds with the sinking fund trustees
of Cincinnati; requiring sheriffs to pay un-
claimed costs into the treasury; providing
for the dedication of plats and their accept
ance as public highways.
House-Bills passed: Providing that the
assessments for sewers in Cincinnati shall be
paid on the ten-year plan; allowing building
and loan associations to dissolve their Or
ganization; amending the leir law so as to
give laborers and material men first and
second preference.
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
MARKET REVIEW.
Quotations From Cincinnati and Else.
where for April 8.

where for April 8.
WHEAT-s89 990c.
CORN-30136c.
WOOL-Unwashed, fine merino, lsn19c:
one-fourth blood combing 23024c; medium
delaine and combing, 266127c: braid, 19d2Oc;
medium combing, 26@27c; fleece washed. fine
merino \ and NX, 2@2Sc; medium clothing,
2S93Oc; deIaine fleece, 29lO3Oc. g..
HAY-No. ! timothy, $l2 80: No. q IS 90;
prairie. 81 501S 90; wheat, oats aad rye straw
IS 00G8 TO-
CATTLE-Good to choice butchers, So bOA
8 IS; fair, 81 65a3 40; common, ST 751el50;
stockers and feeders, 81 2511t 20; yearlings
and calves, So 5NiD3 25.
HOGS--Select butchers, 81 1894 20: fair to
good packing, $4 1904 80; fair TO good light,
81 1904 50; common. 81 O0lD4 70.
sHEEPoCommon to fair, So 5004 ST. good
to choice, 81 75a15 25.
SPRING LAMBS - IS oo@1o 90 per 100
pounds,
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
TRANSFERS OF REAL ESTATE,

Thefollowing transfers havebee record
ed since our last issue:
HustOn TO L Yackee, 30 acres in Flatrock
Up. =. 8 1905
TrOwbridge to Cora Loose, properly in
Napoleon ...................... ........... 5000
scott to Il Fender, 40 acres in Marion
Ip.. ........- .............."......... 1000
Stauber to u Stauber, 100 acres in Flat
rock Tp. ......... .... 5000
G Hornung to b w Graver, lot in New Ba-
varia.. ......................... 100
M j McCandless to b Wsggoner, land In
Richhel TIP. observation-disclosures. !
q Foote to B Waggoner, land in Rich
nelu Up. Observation-Disclosures.
r Starks to q Hinsdale, acres in Da-
mascus l7s
W Kaufman to r Mangus, lot in Holgate. 1875
F Aller admr., to d Meekison, lots in Shef-
fields add. to Napoleon......... . 34I
81 Mangus to w Zierolf land in Marion tn 5l1
W 8 Wallace TO p Wallace, 80 acres in WASH
ington 49,. 1900
Ida Frazier to J Lowmaster, land In Mon
Smith to Wilson, lot in Deshler. :. ...... $50
Susan long TOE Palmer, land In Harrison
M ID. ...., I. =. .,......i :. n. :. Z. ". ..a 126
a starEs to s.A phiipott, land III Damascus
! gIp.s... .....s....... 900
] stauber TO b Stauber, ] n, 80 acres In s,
Elatr0ck Ip.... ...,,... 500
Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-04-11
wAddress all Iettersto DEMOCRATIC N oErHwEsT
Napoleon, Ohio.

Napoleon, Onlo.
The season of the year known
as house cleaning, has about
come upon us. The hustling
about of the house wife and the
kitchen girls is an every day
occurrence till every nook and
corner has had a thorough
cleaning. The decorating Of
walls and ceiling and windows
is consideration to be taken
into account. New wall paper,
new ceiling paper and decora-
tions, new window blinds, In
fact you wish to make the old
rooms appear new, and add new
charms to the home. We know
of no place in the county. Of
Henry, or in fact in this great
Northwest corner of the State,
where you can get a better out
fit than at the celebrated and
well-known Drug and Book
House of Saur & Balsley. They
have a new and mammoth
stockton hand, complete in the
most minute particular. Choice
patterns, superb borders, de-
lightful styling, and such love-
ly corner pieces. You should
see their designs before you at
tempt to buy elsewhere. They
have polite and gentlemanly
clerks, who delight in showing
goods, whether you wish to
buy or not. Warren can trim
up a kitchen, dining room, sit
ting room, bed room, parlor,
hall, in fact a whole house in
as nice style as any house in
the State, and at the lowest pos
sible prices. Window shades
in any hue and on any style of
rollers desired. Don't make a
mistake this time and get your
goods from a travelling man or
away from home, but call on
Saur & Balsley Napoleon, o.,
first. Remember, they keep a
choice selection at all times, and
if you can't be satisfied they
will order a sample lot or get
just what you wish.
Then this is the season of the
year to repaint and have a gen.
eral re-fixing up Of your home.
aSaur & Balsley carry one Of the
largest stocks Of paints, lead
and oils, brushes, varnlshes and
dryers, which can be found in
this county. They have brands
which they have been selling
for the past quarter of a cen.
tury. which they fully warrant
in quality and guarantee to be
the cheapest and best in the
market. y They have a full and
complete assortment Of colors,
either dry or ready mixed for
immediate USE. which anybody
can apply who can handle a
brush. Preserve your houses
and implements by keeping
them well coated with paint,
and especially with the brands
sold by Saur 3 Balsley.