The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1889-01-03
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.
A FALSE start-An elopement.

SCREW-D engine OI
steamship.
A TIME-TABLE-Th watch dealers
price list.
PRoMIssoRY notes are frequently
classed as paper-waits.
A LADY invited to party sent her
regrets. Her husband came.
THERE promises to be great deal of
back talk in the phonograph,
TINE never flies so fast as when you
are playing billiards by the hour
They call it "duck of bonnet"
because there is so much bill to it
The way for q doctor to become we'll
known is to make his patients we'll.
"THERE are no flies on me-" said
stage after the theater burned down.
A WISE man will never lift a lid off a
hot stove with his fingers more than
once.
TO THE youth struggling with an in
cipient mustache the darkest hour is
just before the down"
II WILL now put on my falls suit"
said the guide at Niagara as he pre-
pared to go under the cataract.
ALL the New York papers are COM
planning that our gold is going abroad.
1t can probably afford the trip.
A GIRL may not see much in her
sweetheart to laugh at, but his mus
tache is pretty sure to tickle her.
WE will either have to quit taking
wood on subscription or lose a good
deal of confidence in human nature
THERE is only the difference of an s
between woman's weakness and mans
weakness: One is gossip and the other
is go sip.
SOCIAL philosopher marriage a
failure? Furniture man-Great Scot !
No. I've made 49, 900 this year on baby
coaches alone
A FASHION exchange says: Bangs
are again in order" Some of them are
not. In fact, we've seen some very
much out of order.
John, you are not listening to one
word [ am saying" why, my dear,
am all ears" II know YOU are. and that
makes it all the more provoking"
The photograph shows that mans
voice has not the same sound to him
self that it has to others, thus finally
explaining why some people persist in
singing.
BLINKs-Think your wife would OBJ
ject to having you go off duck shooting
with me? Jinks-I'm afraid she would
if asked her, but I'll tell my little son
to order her to let me go. She always
obeys him.
SHE-Now you know there is no use
for you to go out and see d man this
time, like you do at home. You don't
know soul in the city. He-No, I
don't know soul, but expect to meet
a few spirits I am acquainted with.
GEORGE, dear, what beautiful dia-
mond butterfly! looks ready to fly"
II don't see why it wants to fly,
growled George. Heaven knows it's
high enough now. The roll-plate
counter is at the other end of the
store. Come on"
VISITOR Ito press-rooms of a news
paper)-Why, dear me, what a lot OF
machinery you have in this room !
ressman-Yes. V.-And what a big
oiler you have there. PIT is big
oiler. Wis that the boiler you use
for boiling down your dispatches.
CASHIER (stopping Mr.. Dumley)-
By the way, Dumley, see that your
bank account is overdrawn to the tune
of $3.50. Dumley-All right, old man ;
if you send a boy down to my office
with a statement of the whole business.
I'll give you check for the amount.
"AB," said Mr.. Scourplate, grimly,
as he adjusted his necktie, I'VE ave to
put hup with the airs of these society
people hall day; but when evenink
comes, me boy, they show wot the truly
genteel is by puttink on the dress that
we wear all day" "That's So" replied
Mr.. Crumbcloth with a grave nod
"You ave a great 'ead, Tummis; we
walters be the real leaders of fashion 3"
HosTEss-I must apologize for the
salad tonight. My parlor maid usu-
ally makes the dressing, and is an adept
at it, but she was taken suddenly i'll
this afternoon and couldn't make it.
Mrs. Asinine Observation-Disclosures
very provoking. Hostess-Yes; I tried
to dose her we'll, but it was of no use.
She was quite hors du combat. Mrs.
Asinine(more sympathetically) lis that
so? My unfailing remedy for that is
peppermint.
THREE ASTERS
Near her easel graceful dainty.
Deity touching, here and there,
First he saw her somewhat panty
But, for all that, passing fair
And she painted fast and fas, er,
AT q golden China Aster.
Oft he came and ste cd beside her
While her bushes came and went.
And she took his word to guide her.
For he seemed on love intent
Welcome glances those he cast her,
He, descendant of an Astor,
Christmas came! her little token
Was clump of golden flowers
On canvas. Love unspoken
Swift recalled their happy hours.
Heart and pulse alike beat fast-r
So he just spunked up AMI as t her.
DOubly Grateful.