davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
. Fun MAKERS, FOLLY.

Tom-May kiss your little baby sister?
Fannie (aged I6 demurely)-No. she isn't old
enough.-Mrnssy's Weekly.
They Kept Both Kinds.-Old Lady Ito
clerk in general store-Young man. want some
powder.
oIerk-Yes, IN. boy or giri.-Puck.
He wooed her and sued her and sought her,
TIL he melted her heart 50 cold,
Then he married the ice mans daughter
And now be Is rolling in gold.
-BOstOA cOurtsr.
Little Bessie-Fred, what do you think?
Mr.. Stokes had perplexify At yesterday.
Master Fred-Perplexity htg on, dear. whnta
grill You mean . parallel stroke.-HarpsF's
Young People.
A Rural ommunity.-"Whers do you
find the best market for your goodsGs1 asked re-
porter Of a manufacturer Of agricultural imple-
ments.
s'wsn,- was the reply II sen more to the
farmers Of Chicago than 70 those Of any other
place. '-Ttme.
Almost Give Away.-"What are the
knights Of the Bat, Alr. Dolly, asked Amy ofher
caller. 81 saw that term in the paper this morn
ing.n
saturday night usually, - replied Dolly. ab-
systematically; s'er-I mean-that is 70 say ne
knights Of TIE Bat are baseball players Aiaa
Amy. .'s-Tfme.
He Followed Instructions.-Irate wife
John Hawkins, you were brought home on aannt-
ter again last night / want you 20 unoerstano
that this Is to be the last time.
John HaWkins-Yes. Matilda.
The next evening be made the boys promise q
jected 70 shutters. Judge.
They All Do It. -"Where are you going,
my pretty maidG''
tlfuto society sir she said.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
LINCOLN AS A WAToHMAE.
For Half an Hour PrssIdent Once Acted a.
n Policeman.

For Half an Hour PresidenE Once Acted a.
n Policeman.
ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DIsPArcz.I
WASHINGTON, November 2.-James Etter.
an old soldier who for over 20 years has been
one of the day watchmen in the Winder build
ing, which is occupied by the bureau Of the
Second Auditor Of the Treasury, relates with
pride an interesting experience he had dn 1853
AS he was alone in the building one sultry July
Sunday morning, tail, clerical-looking man en-
tered from Seventeenth street and politely asked
him whether Surgeon Barnes was in his office.
He replied that Barnes had not been there
since the preceding day. The stranger thanked
him and retired, but returned half an hour
later with the same inquiry. Again receiving
a reply in the negative, he said: 81 am Mr.
Lincoln, the President. You allow me to take
your place as watchman, while you 90 to Sur
geon Barnes house and tell him want to see
him. Let me have your badge, and I will sit
right here IN your chair and carefully attend
to your duties till you come back"
The veteran, In relating the story, says that
for moment he was speechless from astonish-
ment, but quickly recovering himself, he
pinned his badge on the coat of the President
Of the United States and hurried of after DR.,
Barnes, whom he brought back with him,
WELL said the President as he returned the
badge to its rightful possessor. II have proven
true to my trust as your substitutes; and nothing
has gone wrong while you were away" The
old watchman feels proud to think that he is
the only policeman who was ever relieved by
the President Surgeon Barnes lived on Lafay-
ette square, and it took Etter half an hour to
go there and back; so for that space of time
Abraham Lincoln acted as Watchman at the
Treasury Department..
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
TWO THANKSG|V|NGS


Its Thanksgiving Day in Western farm
house.
This statement also applies to several other
places in these broad United States.
The farmer sits at the head of the table and
a tear stands in his eye as he glanees at his
bright happy and hungry family.
The tear may be one of JOY for the blessings
showered upon him; it may be of grief that his
frstborn is far away, OF it may be born of the
fear that there is not enough turkey to go
around.
The farmer says nothing, but, with the calm
ness born OF experience, caryes the deceased
pride Of the barnyard
Not much is said for few minutes.
Everyone is too busy.
Finally, little Johnny, with his mouth full Of
mince pie. manages to articulate: wonder
where our 'Dolph is to-day"
Ah. poor dear boy; wish he were here TO-
day." sighs the silvery-haired matron at the
OF Of the table.
well, he might have been here if he'd be-
haved himself" says the old farmer; but a
boy who writes spring nadrigals when he ought
TO be plowing; composes a sonnet to the hired
girl when he ought TO be harvesting and spins
out verses on the beautiful snow when he
ought to- be splitting fence rails, is no sort Of
use around a farm"
Every one at the table sighs and feels that
Adolphus is indeed lost to his family.
he is prodigal son for whom there can be
no fatted calf or stuffed turkey.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
WILLIAM THAw.
WRITTEN FOR THE D1spATcH.I

WRITTEN FOR THE DIsPATcH.1
/ walk, an old man, down the crowded street,
And scan the face Of every one meet;
Yet one miss, which from my youth met
A friendly face never will forget.
Success was his, and P1enty's turning horn
Was emptied in his crib when he was born;
He did not care to gormandize, like some,
Denying to the dog the fallen crumb.
MOL with lavish hand and kindly voice
He gave; nor from the many made he choice;
But gave to all. if twas but little giv'n-
crust may prove key to open heaven.
Nor gave he only while he had the power,
But Sampson like, he did in his last hour
His greatest feat-he left will which reads
The noble record Of his manly deeds.
Who reads may learn from Gods most sacred word
t'Who gives the poor lends also to the Lord;n
Therefore feel he has great estate
Where angels dwell, and Christians congregate.
To sleep is not the end Of life on earth.
Our names will live, ifmuch or little worth;
But longest his who only cares for pelr
10 prove he loves his neighbor as himself.
PITTsBURG, November % 1883. ANON.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
A PHI KAPPA PSI BANQUET.
CoIIegians Made, Merry NJ the Seventh
Avenue Last Evening.


Avenue Last Evening.
The Pittsburg Alumni Association of the
Phi Kappa Psi Fraternity held its first recep-
tion and banquet last evening in the parlors
and special dining room of the Seventh Ave-
nue. Hotel It was one of those occasions so
dear to the hearts Of college men, and could
only be appreciated by those who have re-
membranes of fraternity life in years gone
by. There were gathered together in the par
lors men who, since leaving college have &C.
quired fame in the legal fraternity, In the med
ical profession, in the pulpit, and in business
circles. All present had come there to enjoy
themselves, and their highest expectations
were fully realized. Before proceeding to the
banquet hall, some routine business was trans
acted and the following eficers of the associa-
ton were elected for the ensuing year: Presi-
dent. ]. Q. Bergstresser; Vice President, Thorn
as ]. Gallagher; Secretary, Charles w. Ashley,
and Treasurer. Albert ]. Walker.
The Committee of Arrangements consisting
OF Charles w. Ashley, Chairman; Albert j.
walker and Horace J. Miller, had spared no
dining hall presented quite an attract
i've picture, with the daintfly y-arranged tables.
bright lights, handsome silver service and
Seventh Avenue are noted for the excellent
bauquets they prepare. but upon this occasion
tney seemed to have outdone any former ef-
forts in this direction.
After the menu had been fully discussed the
tables were cleared off. cigars were brought on,
and the following toasts were then responded
to: George A. jerks, ex-Solicitor General Of
the United States, acting as toast master:
phi Psi in Active Life" Dr. Roger Williams;
THE Beneficial Effects of College Fraterni-
ties" T. H. B. Patterson; THE Shield" Chas.
b: Yeager; The ladies'" VIM. F. Wise Pro-
miscuoUs toasts then followed, and at late
hour the Jovial company disbanded, to meet at
the call of the President.
Fraternal kilograms were read during the
evening from the Springfield, Cincinnati and
chicago Alumni Associations, and letters Of
regret from many prominent men who are
members of the fraternity, but who were not
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
THE PRoD1GAL's THANKSGIVING.


Where is poor Adolphus?
Perhaps our sympathy is misplaced. When
Adolphus left home and arrived in the Gas
City he found that iron was worth more per
pound than poetry.
AdOlphus was kicked by a mule once, and
was not slow to take hint
He was also hustler.
To-day Adolphus is dressed to the limit, wears
4 gold watch. three-inch collar, patent leather
shoes and big-headed cane.
He is visiting his best girl at her home in
Allegheny. They are alone.
We will not intrude, but her mother does.
"Why don't you two come out and sit with
the family?"
"oh, mamma, responds the girl, 'you would
not have US leave our guests would you?"
what guestS?"
"Why, Mrs. President Harrison, Rev. T.
Dewitt Talmage, Mrs. Senator Ingalls,, Mrs
Secretary Rusk, Mrs. Senator Cullom, Mrs.
Stanley Matthews, Fanny Davenport, W. ].
Florence, Helen Dauvray, John Gilbert, Minnie
Palmer, Hepburn Johns, Frank G. Carpenter
Bessie Bramble, Brennan, Louis Pasteur, Salvini
Lily Langtry, Stuart Robson, Rhea, W. II.
Crane, Rose Coghlan, ex-Secretary Bayard,
Robert Metcalf, Mrs. Alexander DR.. F. II.
Wade and a number of other prominent peo-
pie"
What do you mean? Are you crazy? Where
are all these people?"
Here, mamma" and the young lady prod
uces a copy of THE SUNDAY DISPATCH.
The old lady smiles and goes away
Is Adolphus unhappy, and does he think re-
gretfully of the farm?
Not much.
He feels very comfortable, and joins with
hundreds of thousands of other people in being
thankful for The DISPATCH.
Read to-morrow's Thanksgiving issue of THE
DISPATCH, and you will have at least one
thing to be thankful for on Thursday.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
EXPLOSION IN A CHURCH
Which Fortunately Occurred Out Of Ser
vice Time.

Which Fortunately Occurred OuE Of Ser
vice Time.
NEW YORK, November 22-The Pres
byterian Church at No. 22S West Thirty
fifth street, was visited by an explo-
sion and fire yesterday afternoon, for
tunately before the hour for the evening SER
vice. While the pastor was in his study,
in the rear of the church, at $50
o'clock, the whole structure was shaken.
The pastor rushed out. and found the church
full Of smoke and flames. On the roof near
the front, three men were at work making some
repairs. and they were hurled to the ground.
By that time the woodwork about the entrance
and in the vestibule was ablaze, but the fire de-
partment promptly stopped the flames. The
explosion was found to have been caused by
escaping gas from meter located in the base
ment under the vestibule. A heating pipe from
the furnace passed over the gas meter, and 1t
is supposed to have led to the explosion.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

of prOhibitOry duty on foreign waters will
be abandoned. There is, however. just as
much reason to believe that the British syn
dicate, if it be real thing. will labor just
as heartily with soul and pocketbOOk to kill
competition by legislation in its best mar
ket So that there is chance of seeing
English capitalists arrayed here as the
protectors of American products. A mar
velous spectaclel
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
Found at the Foot of n cnG

The dead body Of workingman with frac-
tured skull was found on the Hudson River
Railway, at the foot of cliff near One Hun
dredth street, this morning. The body was still
warm. The man had not been run over. no
train having passed since he fell or jumped
from the cliff above. A stone wall rises against
the cliff at this point for some q or 30 feet Be-
yond the track is the river. He had undoubt-
edly dived from the cliff, whence he could not
see the railway, thinking that he would strike in
the river. It was from this height that young
girl tried to throw herself into the river a year
ago because her lover had refused to marry
her. She escaped with her life.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
THE PET DOG CLUB.
1t Met and Petted as Usual in New York, If
il Wasn't Novelty.

1t Met and Petted as Usual in New York, II
il Wasn't Novelty.
The annual meeting of the National Ameri-
can Pet Dog Club was held on Thursday in
New York at the house of Mrs. Charles Wheat
leigh, President of the club since its organiza-
ton, nine years ago. 1t was resolved to strike
out from the bylaws the list of cocker span
iels, beagles and fox terriers, SO that the club
can become member of the Kennel Club, in
which it is already proposed. Then we can
have pet dog show" said Miss Bannister, who
is the possessor of ten little pet pugs, black and
tans, and others at her home in
Crawford, n. ]. I'VE can give a
splendid show when the time comes, and it will
be under the auspices of the Kennel Club"
The club voted to have petition presented to
Mayor Grant asking him to amend the present
pound law, SO that dog that is licensed can be
taken out in winter time without a string or
chain. "The license is no protection nOw,"
said Mrs. WheatleIgh, hugging her puggy
Yuma Yuma, daughter of stingo Snifies, the
famous London pug that sports II prize medals.
SIN its present shape, the law is such that a
dog catcher. can snatch up your dog whether
licensed or not if there's no string attached to
him.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
LOVE LAUGHS AT LOCKsMITHS.
The Old PrOverb is Again Exemplifled by
WashiuRton Wedding.

The Old PrOVerb 1s Again Exempiined Dy
Washington Wedding.
WASHINGTON, D. c., November GA ro-
mantle story Of youthful love and parental op-
position eliminated in this city this morning
in quiet marriage ceremony at the residence
of Rev. DR.. Addison, pastor of Trinity Church.
The first arrival at the Metropolitan Hotel
was pretty brunette young lady, who regis
tered as MRS. E. B. Wilcox, Greenup, ILL.," A
young man who came in soon after on the
Southern train, wrote himself down as "E. B.
Wilcox North Carolina" Without unneces-
sary delay Mr.. Wilcox proceeded to the ladies'
reception room, where he found Mrs. Wilcox"
awaiting him. 1t afterward transpired that the
young couple were not husband and wife, but
lovers and elopers. Mr.. Wilcox halls from
Rocky Mount, N. c. He is a nephew of Cover
nor Fowle. At Greenup, ILL.,, he met Bertha A.
James and fell in love with her. Her father
refused his consent to q marriage. and the
young couple got united by a notary. After
ward learning that this was invalid they
parted, Mr.. Wilcox going South. But Bertha
was not to be banked and she soon managed
to escape. telegraphing her lover to meet her
here The result was the meeting and subse-
quent wedding.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
WARDS LECTURE POSTPONED.
A Fashionable Audience Disappointed on

A Fashionable Audience Disappointed on
an African Expedition.
The lecture of Herbert Ward, the African
explorer, which was to have been delivered at
Lafayette Hall last evening, was postponed.
The cause was on account of a misunderstand-
ing about magic lantern. Instead of the lat
ter a calcium had been provided, and it was
impossible to give the lecture without the Illus
trations. The hall was filed with an audience
composed of the best people In the two cities.
They were given checks, which will be good
for the next entertainment given under the
auspices of the Press Club. The lecture will
probably be delivered on the 18th inst. or later.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
TO THE INJURY OF KBYSTONERs.
Grand Army Said to be Up In Arms Over
Pension OismissnIs.

lFRoM A STAFF CORRESPONDENCE
WASHINGTON, November Elf Grand
Army men were indignant at the removal of
Corporal Tanner they may be up in arms
against the almost vicious treatment Of some
of the employees of the Pension Bureau, who
do not appear to have been at all responsible
for their rerating.
Two of the employees whose resignation have
been asked are Pennsylvanians, CAPTAIN ]. Ed
is assistant chief of the Record Division, a
soldier who lost the whole of one
arm in the service, and who has large family
to maintain. He was rerated to S45 month,
and got about 81, 800 back pay.
The press associations we're given story that
Commissioner Tanner demanded that Engle
return his back pay, but THE DISPATCH cor
respondent has positive proof that what was
done in Engle's case was with the full consent
of Tanner, and that others who applied for re-
rating were referred to Engle by Tanner as one
who could give them all the information they
desired.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

The jadded appetites of Chicagoans re-
ceived flip yesterday in the shape of new
blood-curdling mystery. A whole family has
disappeared and the cottage where they lived is
almost literally covered with blood. But after
the confession made by two ornamental Chicago
reporters that they had built up sensation, in
connection with the Carlson cottage in the
Cronin case, with cotton-batting and bullock's
blood, even Chicagoans will be slow to credit
this last tale of horror.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

The explosions of natural gas, which
brought destruction and probably death into
two households in this vicinity yesterday. prove
not so much the dangerous qualities of our
fuel gas as the carelessness of the average
person in dealing with it. The Braddock &C.
cident was certainly caused by lack of caution
in the plumber, who searched for gas leak
with light. Poor fellowl the penalty is his
life, probably.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

IF any weather could be more disagree
able than yesterdays we should like to have a
piece of it to send to our enemies about
Thanks giving time. 1t was cold and miserable
enough to make fatted turkey pray for the
early advent of an az
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

The best discovery Stanley can give us
is of himself whole and sane in body and mind
in some place with a pronounceable name
beyond the confines of barbarism. When we
know that he is all right, we shall relish his
stories about the Victoria Nyanza and the rest
of his Dark Continent vast deal more than we
do now
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

THE interesting cablegram which an
nounces that the reports representing danger
of revolution in Portugal were greatly ex-
aggerated, and based merely on the vaporings
of irresponsible persons thrown of their mental
balance by heated discussion of the Brazilian
situation" reminds us of Disraeli's remark
about persons being intoxicated by the exu-
berance of their own verbosity." But we
trust that talk may in Portugals case lead to
the action by which people are freed and
Republics founded.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
The Heaviest of All sub.crlberu.

John H. Craig. of Kentucky. is the heaviest
subscriber to the Worlds Fair Guarantee Fund
He weighs 900 pounds. He put his name down
in Mayor Grants subscription book for S5, to-
day. Mr.. Craig claims to be the biggest man
in the world, although he does not exhibit him.
self for money. He is an Odd Fellow, and
wears gold medal given to him, on account Of
his size, by the members Of his lodge.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
BECOMING TIE FASHION.
Enter Three New World Glrdlsrs From
Australia.

Enter VnFee new W0rid Gifdler0 From
Australia.
ST. PAUL, MIMI, November 2.-walter A.
Balm, Percy Lake and James Luke. Of Vic
toria. Australia, reached here last evening.
They we're on tour Of the world from Mel
bourne, bet having been made by A.
Bryce Balm, proprietor Of the Colorain
Albion. Victoria sporting paper, and
a Ballarat banker that the "trip could
not be made, under certain conditions. in eight
months. The trio reached Tacoma September
20 and started across the continent on foot,
following the line Of the Northern Pacific.
The conditions Of the bet are that every appli-
Sncs Nsw Y3rR X IS9 bnt tSa iournsg across Nort6
America must be made on foot. The bet is for
E3,00O and the pedestrians are due at the Auck-
land Club, in Melbourne, Just eight months
from the date Of their departure The travel
success
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
ZEAL BEGETS BRUISES.
An Obedient New York Policeman Tries to
Charge q Stone Wall.

Charge Stone Wall.
NEW YORK, November a-Thomas slattery
stood l7e on the police eligible list Of this city
but he was one Of the first policemen appointed
by Commissioner Martin. He began his proba-
tionary duties by drilling with the awkward
SQUAD under Roundsman Schauwecker in the
Twenty-second Regiment Armory. Yesterday
Police Surgeon Cook reported to
Inspector Steers that on Monday afternoon the
men were drawn up In line in the arTnory and
Roundsman Scilauwecker gave the order
FORWARD, double-quiek timei" They ran. The
rest of the squad halted at their approach TO a
stone wall at the other end of the room, but
Slattery kept right on and ran into the wall
The shock sprained his wrists and bruised his
body. The surgeon asked Inspector Steers
whether he should prefer charges against Slat.
terry for destroying public property, the police
man belonging to the city, or against Schau-
wecker for notscalling "Haltp
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

WHEN q woman takes her revenge with a
revolver, it is usually bad for the innocent
spectators, but not dangerous to the designated
victim. A New York woman, however, fred
five shots yesterday into one man-the man she
aimed at too
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
Fatally sho. While Hun,iur.

James Conkling, Benjamin Foster and Ben
jamin Tyson, of Chatham. Nj, went out hunt
ing. this afternoon. While they were stopping
in the woods for luncheon, Foster accidentally
dropped his gun, which was cooked, to the
ground. The gun went OF ana sent charge of
shot through Tyson's neck. He died instantly.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23
THANKSGIVING REALISM.
Sunday Turkeys to Go to the Poor Through
Charitable Ladies'.

Charitable Ladies.
A big turkey and large bunch Of celery will
make Thanksgiving Day reality for large
number of deserving families.
The ladies of the Society for the Improve
ment of the Poor have been busy for several
days distributing tickets among people known
to be worthy. Gusky is to donate the turkeys.
Pittsburg will receive 275 Allegheny 175 and
the Dorcas Society so. The anniversary of the
society will be celebrated on December in St.
Peters Church, when addresses will be made
by Rev. W. r. Mackay and DR.. Passavant The
election of officers for the ensuing year will
take place The Monday following.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-11-23

A YOUNG man who leaves his home, as
young Pittsburger is reported to have done, to
see the world and gets no further than Steu-
benville, has modest appetite. he cannot
be very terrible fellow.