The Arkansaw traveler. (Little Rock, Ark.) 1882-1???, 1889-06-15

Harrison, to be United States marshal in Ten
nessee. l went into his private Office. On the
wall are pictures Of ST. John Wanamaker and st.
Jay Gould The head of the statue of Bishop
Potter, who Is in disgrace, is covered in derison
with "grandiather's hat" On the center table is
the big family bible
"Mr. President" said /, Washington didn't
appoint any of his relatives to fat offices"
Colonel Snort" replied Harrison, 'like me and
George Washington You are great and good
man, but have higher authority than either of
you for giving my brother, Carter Harrison, soft
place"
"What higher authority"
"St Paul" said Harrison, solemnly and turning
over the pages of the big bible, he continued.
Eyes Colonel Snort, If did not give my brother
soft snap I'd be worse even that Colonel lngersoll
Listen, Colonel Snort, to what ST. Paul saith" and
then, in a keep, sanctimonous voice he read
"'He who provides not for his own family has
denied the faith, and is worse than an infdel.'"
This mixing up of religion and business struck
me 80 ridiculous that laughed until the air
thick with flying buttons from my raiment.
"Mr. President" says |, "let me tell you little
story | once heard from Dan McGray, of the
Houston Age. Two college students went out one
night on spree. They cut up all sorts of pranks,
and they finally stole wooden Indian tobacco
sign and carried it to their room in the college
building. But the owner of the tobacco sign
followed them up, and, accompanied by several
members of the faculty of the college, pounded on
the students door and demanded admission"
1.-The students were not such bankety blank
fools to open the door, were they2" asked Harri-
son, eagerly, for he evidently has been there him
self, so TO speak.
"No, Mr.. President, those students did not open
the door. They did like you and Wanamaker and
the rest of you do when you want to cover up
your evil deeds"
Whats that2"
"They quoted scripture"
Quoted scripture?"
"Yes, Mr.. President 1t was one of the rules OF
the college that member of the faculty, or any
body else should be allowed to enter students
room while he was at prayers, so while one of the
students chopped up the wooden Indian tobacco
sign with Ratchet and burned 1t in the stove, the
other student knelt down by the door and prayed
like good fellow. He prayed that wisdom from
high be given to the faculty to suppress all evil
practices among the students. lie prayed that the
students might be turned from the error of their
ways; he prayed for the owner of the tobacco sign
and every once in a while he quoted that verse
from the bible, "A wicked and adulterous genera
ton seeketh after sign, but sign shall be given
them except the sign of Jonas the prophet AS soon
as the sign destroyed and there was evidence
against them, they quit praying and invited the
faculty and the police to come in."
ais that ALP" said Harrison.
THAT'S all of this story, Mr.. President, but
want to tell you another little story"
"What is it, Colonel Snort?"
81 once asked Andy Faulkner, general passenger
agent of the Texas Central what he thought of the
passenger agent of rival line.
"'That all depends, said Andy, with whom you
size him up. II you size him up with Judas Iscar-
lot or Captain Kidd, he is pretty clever sort of
fellow, but if you size him up with George Wash
ington he don't loom up any more than hole in
the ground
"Now, Mr.. Harrison, you don't loom up along
side of George Washington, but if you are sized up
alongside of Rutherford B. Hayes, you do not
appear at great disadvantage. Suppose we invite
Rutherford to visit the White House?"
Harrison said he believed he would rather not,
which is very good, and goes to show that even the
president of the United States cannot be brought
in contact, for any lergth of Time with Colonel
Stort, the great Texas journalist and statesman,
without absorbing some of his wit, wisdom, and
last, but not least, modesty Yours truly, Johnny,
BILL SNORT.
Teas ISiftings.