Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-15
THE TOPICAL TALEER.
Umbrellas Are Net FiItIng Gifts for InvaIids
"A Piano That Tells Tale Of stupidity
"A Plea for MIR. Carnegie - Wenther

| Umbrellas Are Not Fitting Gifts for INVALID
a Piano That TeIls TnIe Of stupidlt,
"A Plea for MIR. Carnegie : Weather
Statistics.
"HAvE you made out list of what you want
your friends to give you ut Christmasfr'
asked lady who has been an invalid for year,
and years.
mo, but have made out a list Of what ! dc
not want" she replied, with a smile, ''and I've
underscored umbrellas, gum boots and gossa
mers in that category. During the l5 or 20 yeari
that I've been confined almost exclusively to
my house or my bed, I've received no less than
three umbrellas as Christmas presents"
A great many Christmas presents are given
without thought of their appropriateness.
In certain New York parlor stands beauti
ful little cottage upright that know beyond q
doubt Is not opened-except to be dusted--tout
times year by its owner, young woman OF
much sense, beauty, and some twenty-five sum
mers. She does not care cent for music, doel
not play the piano. yet some rich admirer in
the winter of 1884 sent her this instrument
which is Of the costliest kind, from the best
maker In New York. He deserved to be re-
iected-as he was summarily. The piano re-
mains a monument to his stupidity and bank
account.
A KIND clergyman of Pittsburg sent Bible
to city editor once. but as the good book
finally fell into the hands of the sporting edt'
tor it was not thrown away.
~
FREE TRADE IN COURTESY.
Is courtesy gone out Of useHs
Are words to have no pretty gracel
Shall never there be any truce
To business in the market placer
Must men say always what they think,
without thought for others feelingss
Must all our social habits slnk2
Mems voices tune to pOrcine sQusalings1
You'd think It when phrase OF two
Carnegie's compliment tC Grover--
Have caused pretty how-d'ye-do-
Faith still the tempest isn't over.
The truth is this: Carnegie thinks
Projections good for bread and butter.
But when a kindly toast he drinks,
No tariff tells him what to utter!
-
WHY do you let your ink get into such coudi-
tionf' said Timmins to the author Of much
literary trouble. The stuf's thick enough TO
walk"
That's where you fall into the slough Of
error, my friend" the author replied. ~ ou
may upset that inkpot ten times minute, but
the ink will never run"
-
AN elderly man without an overcoat or um-
brella got into q Manchester car, on Federal
street, yesterday morning when the rain was
falling in torrents. He looked very wet; even
his beard was running with water. After he
had glared rather ferociously at the conductor,
paid his fare, and composed his damp clothes
SO as to let them drip on his fellow passengers,
be took out newspaper and began to read 1t.
1t was THE DISPATCH.
After he had read the paper in silence for
moment or two he suddenly crushed 1t together
with muttered execration and jammed it into
his pocket. happened to be sitting next to
him, and seeing me look at him uneaslly-1
thought he was crazy-he said: TITS pad
enough to know that the Signal Service says it
will be fair and warmer to-day, but when
paper hangs out a picture of fairies sporting on
the grass for weather prophecy, 1t drives my
dander upp'
day morning was not the sort sensible fairy
would choose for dancing on the green.
R.R
YESTERDAYS WEATHER EXPLAINED.
A cold wave in a snowy suit
Came sailing from the Pole;
Down through the Northwest lay its route,
And PIttsburg was Its goal.
A warm wave started from the sec,
Her wings all wet with spray;
She aimed In PIttsburg town to be
And reached there yesterday.
The cold wave hit the warm wave,
Then turned him back again,
And left her here, the sorry knave,
In tears-and hence the rain.