The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1889-08-01
HUMURS OF THE WEEK.

Smith: "Say, Jones, your wife is
graduate of Vassar, isn't she?"-
Jones: Eyes. Smith: GLOW many
tongues is she mistress of?"-Jones:
"Only one, but that's a rustler."
We find it hard, says Oliver Wen
dell Holiness to get and to keep any
private property in thought Other
people are all the time saying the
same things we are boarding to say
when we get ready.
Must have rained round about
here" said the farmer, as he looked
abroad in the morning; and his boy
in ragged jacket, which was all he
had, said he wished it had rained q
"round- about" for him.
1t would be a might cold day for
the average man if the young men
who are just now graduating from
college chuck full of the accumulated
wisdom of ages had horse sense
enough to use it.
A man who bequeathed half of his
estate to his wife cas- long as she re-
manned single after his death" with
a provision that the other half be
given her, in case she married again,
"as it costs more to keep two than
one" was daisy.
"Grandpa," asked George, who
believed his aged grandparent was a
Revolutionary hero, Chow many
Britlshers did you kill? ooh, about
seventy-fve," replied the old man,
desiring to humor the boy. "Poh!
what was the matter with you? were
you too tired to tight?"
Aspiring Poet-"You returned my
last work because it was written on
both sides of the paper. But this is
written only on one side" Heart
less Editor-"Yes, that's what's the
matter with it. II you send us the
paper without any writing on it it
will be accepted"
A man with an office in the Seitz
block lodged out and left sign on
the door reading: Gone out-will
| be back in five minutes" When he
returned he found the following re-
quest written below: "If you do,
please wait as l have bill a year old
against you"
II DOM see why you can't keep
awake in church, said the pastor.
II am there as long as you are,
and don't have to sleep half the
time" ooh, WE'LL" you just sit down
in the pew and let me preach, and
I'll bet a new organ you couldn' t
keep your eyes open ten minutes. -
Burdette.
A Berlin Judge the other day, adj
dressing a locksmith who appeared
as q witness, spoke as follows: 81
should have thought you would dis
suade your working men from going
to law for such a trife." Witness
That's what | did. | said: Children,
said I, the clerk at the lawyers will
take your coat, and the lawyer will
strip off your shirt, and as for the
Judge, why, man, he'll skin you alive.
! You see, talked sensibly to the folks
like that, but it was all of no use!-
Zeitgest.
Bunco Steerer Ito farmer)-"isn't
this Mr.. Swansdown, of Graynecll
Corners?" Farmer-"That's me"
Bunko Steerer-"My name is Jim
Sharper, son of old man Sharper, the
banker in your town." Farmer
"Your looks don't show it; but, by
gosh, Jim Pm glad to see you! |
dropped into Wall Street to-day, and
you've got to help me git back to
the Corners or I'll have to walk. y
Harper's Weekly.
A good story is told of Governor
Tom Bennett, now a citizen of Rich
mond, Ind, who presided over the
destinies of Idaho more than a de-
cade ago. A member of the Legisla-
ture who had been annoyed by his
neighbours hog, introduced a bill
compelling the owner of the pro
scribed animal to keep him within
the limits of pen. The bill passed
and went up to Governor Bennett
for his approval. To the surprise
of the members and the chagrin Of
it's sponsor, it was returned with his
veto. When asked for a reason he
exclaimed: 81 don't believe in the
bill in the first place, and if I did, l
wouldn't sign a bill that spelled hog
with a big H and Governor with a
little g."