Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-13

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IA, MICH, WEDNES
WIT AND HUM0R.
In tight place-at wine supper
-Ex.
A shaky structure-the dice box
-Ex.
The old masters-retired sea cap
tains.-Ex.
Men who have horse sense know
when to say neigh.-Free Press.
$50 you're a Jail bird, eh Wha
did they put you in for'"
"Robin. Boston Post.
Young Mr.. Pansuit, in the noon
hour-Tell you, fellows, I've struck 8
mighty soft thing in new boarding
house. Have mush three times a day
-Burdette.
Brown hear that Smith has to
chloroform his clothes every night.
White-What for.
Because they are so loud they keep
him awake.-Ex.
Teacher (to class I'm this stanza
what is meant by the lines: 1.-The
shades Of night were falling fast ?"
Bright scholar-The people were
pulling down the blinds.-Ex.
| -----------------
A California clergyman recently
threw books and chairs from the pull
pit among the congregation. He
woke everybody up except one deacon
who was superintendent of a boiler
factory.-Ex.
|
You'll make a fine entree, old
man" remarked the king of the Can
nibal Islands, slapping the missionary
on the back.
"Yes, they tell me I'm stuffed to
martyr" he replied sadly.-Ex.
|
"There is one great thing about the
telephone" said Mr.. Shorty.
"And that ?"
"a four foot man is not afraid to
tell six footer just what he thinks
Of him, with several miles of wire be-
tween the two."-Argosy.
A bow.legged man was standing be-
fore the office stove warming himself.
He gruffiy refused to buy paper
from n boy who thrust his head in at
the door. Indignant newsboy-"Say,
mister, you're standing too near the
fire, guess, you're a-warping. g."-Ex.
"Say, ma" remarked the small boy;
isn't it funny that everybody calls
my little brother bouncing baby ?"
"Why do you think it is funny,
William y replied the mother.
because, when l dropped him on
the floor this morning, he didn't
bounce bit. FIX.
Kind lady-Oh, what a naughty
little boy you have Doesn't he
know that it is wrong to strike his
mamma with that big stick
Proud mother-Och, don't blame
me choild, Mrs. Carter. He's only
doing everything he sees his father
do, bliss him.-JuJge.
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"See here, Bruff," said the editor to
the proof-reader, "you have got me in
nice box, you have"
"How's that, sir ?"
why, wrote that there was a
grand parade of uniformed voters at
Hodgeville, and you've printed it 'un-
informed voters. FIX.
Mother What did young Mr.. Tim
kins say to you, Ella, last night, while
he was trying to button your glove.
Ella (sadly)-He said that man
who would make glove that would
not button easier than that ought to
be hanged.
Mother-Well, | wouldn't waste
any more time there.--Puck.
Stranger-Colonel, ! am a private
detectiye and am about to open AN
Office In your city, and should like
your
Col. Bolivar IA native Kentuckian)
-Wastin' yure time, sab, wastiD' il!
Thar are no privates here TO detect,
sab nuthin' less than captains, sab,
an mighty few of them Time.
"You can take the witness" said the
prosecuting attorney In q trial before
an Arkansas court 10 the defendants
lawyer. Judge" exclaimed young
man in the back part of the room,
standing upon seat and waving his
hands wildly, "don't LET him take her
That witness has been engaged to me
for morc'n four years !"-Ex.