davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Doing light work-Cleaning the
lamps.
The shirtmaker's favorite exclamation
"A hem.
A clever slight Of hand performer
The ~coquette.
The locomotive lever most always
travels '.ncog."
1t is the telegraph operator that has
his work at his fingers ends.
Advice to the dressmaker: 'Be sure
you're right then go ahead"
A barber's shears shut up when at
work and SO should the barber.
The man with the most accomplish.
ments often accomplishes-nothing.
The most unhappy feature about being
a jaii-bird is said to be its inability to
fly.
A doctor may kill a man with.the best
OF intentions. A murderer kills with the
worst.
When an Indian catches cold on tho
warpath he has the war-whopping
cough.
'"Waiter, this beefsteak is so tough l
can't cut it," "a sharper knife for the
gentleman"
Patient-'Do you extract teeth with.
out painP Dentist-'fYes; it is no
pain to me-"
The moths have strange tastes. They
frequently appear in ~overcoats in sum
mer weather. -Picdyuae.
India rubber is being tried as a street
pavement in Germany. 1t ought to give
every pedestrian an elastic step.
ri n
fish," Second Boy-fYes, / guess so.
He has {. o. ID. printed on his business
cards."
The nuisance of the hotel was in the
parlor warbling ooh, would l were a
bird" "Well, here's n beginning for
you said the landlord. And he handed
him his bilL-Argosy.
The little girl who wrote on her ex-
animation paper The interior of Africa
IS principally used for purposes of ex-
ploration" was wiser than she thought.
-BdHimore american.
"Don't you know, Emily, that II Is
no proper for you to turn around and
o after a gentlemanfi "But. m
! was only looking to sec If he was look
ingtos see If / was looking. "-Siftings.
Mr.. Youngman after long thoupbtl-
us there any way TO find out what a
woman thinks Of you, without rropos-
ings' Mr.. Rencdict (absentlyl-"Yes.
make her mad. "-Nei0 YsTk WEEKLY.
There was once a young man, a poor debtor.
Who wrote 10 his tailOrs a lebtor:
They answered at once,
And called him a donce.
And then the poor fellow felt bebtor.
-WoshfHgtoR critic.
II IS said that q Minneapolis man who
attempted TO commit suicide the other
day by taking poison was saved by the
active and indefatigable exertions Of
four dictionary c%anvassers. - Nicag,
TrDUn-.
Miss De Pert 0unfeelingly)-"This is.
parhaps, the first refusal you have re-
ceiyed, Dir. Dc TOmf' Mr.. lie Tom
tsarcastically -"Aud perhaps the first
you have ever given, Mss Mauve.p -
Torn Topts.
Little Bobby-"Don't you want 70
take me up to the toboggan slide with
you some day. Mr.. JinksP5 Mr.. Jinks-
II never 20 20 any toboggan slide.
Bobby never even saw n toboQ0an. -
Bobby "a triac nonplused) -'TbaCs
funny ! heard pa say something about
your going down hill az O furious rate
LADY cLARE's oHrAr MEAD.
tie does not love me for my birth. nor for my
lands 40 broad and fair.
ne does not tell me am worth more 20 him
thnu earth and air.
TIE does not take me on his knee AMI kfss INV
eyes ou0 nose aud hair.
His sister have said ia be, and that IS well.
said Lady Clare.
-MnneaDols Tribune.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
Az OH FAxILIAR AIR.

"What is That air you are whistling, DickY"
asked Flipkins of the new humorous an
hem editor.
al Am Waiting, Ny Darling, for Thee"
returned the jocose writer OF obituaries.
"Ah, yes! / might have known. Very
stupid indeed Of mel Why, that ought TO
DO the most familiar air In the world 10 me-"
Your sweetheart used TO sing il, 1 pre-
sumo, sirg"
"Oh, mol"
"Your sister then, perhaps"
mo, wrong again. When / used 10 stay
out late nights, that is the tune my father
used 10 hum 20 me as he stood behind the
door with n trunk-strap.n
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
How SIZE SPENT HrR TINE.

Teacher TO small girl who had Skipped
school")-Where have you been and what
have you been doing all the morning?
small girl working the heel OF her shoe
into n crack in the hoor)-Part of the time
riding down hill.
Teacher with an encouraging smile as n
recognition of veracity)-And what were
you doing the rest of the time?
Small girl MISUNDERSTANDING up!
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
COMPLIMENTARY.

II was reading n compilation of statistics
the other day, and it cited a statement made
oy a prominent wiseacre that it is an actual
act here IN America our greatest and smart
est mon never live to grow old soid n
country shyster to q city attorney. At
wonder IL il is so?'
well, even if it is, the fact should not
trouble you in the least; it ought to encour-
age you with the idea that you will live 10
be a hundred years old, at least" returned
his colleague.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
If sunerers from Consumntlon.

Scrofula, Bronchitis, aud General Debility
will try Scott's Emulsion of Cod Liver
Oil with Hypophosphites, they will find inn
mediate relief aud terminate benefit. The
Medical Profession universally declare it a
remedy OF the greatest value and very pala>
table. Read: II have used SCOTS Emul-
sion i'm several cases OF Scrofula and Debility
in Children. Results most graf flying. Ny
little patients take it with Pleasure. w. a.
HUBERT, NJ. d., Salisbury, Ill
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

q know we are poor, dolr p1pa. said
Evelyn, nesting Lor head against his
ihouldor, but Athcistane Is b ave and
hopeful, and DE says that love will make
q way u know Do will said Old Hg~
SON. Rrimly IT'S made away with six
to1s OF paflor coal and - worth Of gas
since Christians and ice next wiotsr
that's worrying re
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

LITTLE Boston girl CAS- the hair
brush ia reached for)-Mamma, the
consecutiyeness and the prevalency of
these in~terninable castigAtions arc
slowly sapping my very life
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
The Texas Pony.

The most inexperienccd horscmau will
not have TO walk around the animal
twice in order 10 tell a Texas pony that
Be-, n which is full bred, with no adj
mixture. Tie has fine dcor.like iers. n
very long body, with a pronounced roach
Just forward Of the coupling, and Dos
sibiy @ "glass eyer and q pinto hide
Any cd cowboy VII point him out as
the only creature suitable Tor bis pur.
poses. Hard 20 break. because he has
any amount Of latent devil in his dis
position, hc does not break bis legs or
fall over backward in tho "pitchingi
yrocess az docs the %''cayute' Of the
9fthwest ! think be Isl small and
shrifeicd up like q McxiCaao Of
bis dry, hot hahla ~
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
Ca,nrrh Cured.

A clergyman, after years Of suffering from
that loathsome disease, Catarrh. and vainly
trying every known remedy, at last found n
prescription which completely cured and saved
him from death. Any sufferer from this dread
ful disease sending q self-addressed stamped
envelope 10 Prof, j. A. Lawrence, So Warren
St.. n. ", will receive the recipe free OF charge.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

To The E~ditor-Please inform your readers
that have n positive remedy for the above
named disease which ] warrant to cure the
worst cases. SO strong Is my faith in It's vir-
tues that ! will send free n sample bottle and
valuabl treatise to any sufferer who will give
me his II q. and Express address. Itesp'y,
H.G. ROOT, NJ. g, 1S3 Pearl ST.. New York.
IL afflicted with sore eyes use DR.. Isaac
Thompson's Eye-water. Druggists sell at 25c.
pcr bottle.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14
A BIG DAY
AT THE BRooKLYN TABERNA,
Gle.

DIR. Talmagc Draws n Lesson From
the Return OF the Prodfgal.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

NURSERY STOCK At REDUCED PRICEs
~ Save agents commission by ordering direct Of
~. Corresp ondence solicited. Address. KNWFrS
BIOS" havana NY, This VIII not appear gaia.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

DID You ever answer N newspaper advertts,-
mentf Try w. l.. Mckay, whose advertise
ment, Men Wanted" appears In this paper.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

DILL Great English Gous aaa
9ANbs HOS Rheumatic Remedy.
Box, 3f; round. a Pills.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

S0LnIERN A55l.t sSsisG5 p. FE sisg 82.s.ge
s4cg@R sssstS ers Islevedi Laws free a ".
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-02-14

This jubilee sermon was preached by the
Rev. I. De Witt Talmage, DID,, at ON es-
pecial communion for the reception OF go
persons, making tho present communicant
membership OF tho Brooklyn Tabernacle
t4OS. This was also moving day in that
church. The annual rental Of pews had just
occurred and many Of tho congregation occu-
pied new places. Tho pews brought higher
premiums this year than ever before, and tho
income OF the church this year will DO Sss,.
soL. But both plans are observed in the
church. A vast space IS kept free from oil
expense and only a part OF tho building is
mapped of for rent. DIR. Talmage took his
text from Luke Nv, 81; "Bring hithor the
fatted calf and kill ian
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1889-07-12
ABULLEr IN Hls BRAIN.
zAsss foR Twenty Years Unknswr -
Him or HIS Physieians. er,a

The remarkable case of Anton Mcrct,
the Philadelphia veteran. who lived
twenty-five years with bullet imbedded
In the tissues OF his heart, has parallel
In the case OF Abraham Delong. prom
inent farmer of Van Vert, Ohio. who
carried an ounce of confederate lead on
his brain for twenty years before 1t
caused his death, the strangest feature
OF the circumstance being that the pre-
sence of the bullet never was known un-
til the autopsy brought 1t to light.
Dclong received his wound at the bat
tie of Stone river. The bullet struck him
squarely on the nose, we'll up between
the eyes, in such way as to split the
bone, which, closing up again, left only
slight wound that the surgeon de-
clared had been caused by bullet COM
ing from side direction and clipping of
the skin as it sped by.
Delong kept his feet, suffering very
little, and In few days was again in
fighting trim. he served to the close of
the war and returned home to his family
and his plough. AS the years passed
Delong experienced painful sensations In
the head, at first slight, but more and
more severe at each recurrence, until his
suffering finally drove him crazy. He
was taken to the Insane asylum at Day.
ton, for treatment, where he regained his
mental faculties, but received no relief
from the terrible pain and pressure in
his head that made life almost intolera-
bic. ..v,,... ......,...c"
Some time before his death, which took
place in 1882, Delong got the idea that
the bullet that struck him at Stone river
had indeed entered his head, and pro-
posed to submit to q surgical operation
that would determine whether he was
right about it. This opinion was not
shared by his physicians, and as the
operation must necessarily be a danger
Gus one, they declined to search for the
suspected missile. He then requested
that efter his death an examination be
made, in order that his widow and chill
tlren, should it appear that he had died
of injuries received in the service of his
country, might receive a greatly needed
pension, his long period of illness and
inability to work having quite eaten up
his little fortune.
Accordingly IN autopsy was held. To
the surprise of the doctors, and as De-
long had predicted, they found bullet,
or rather two jagged bones. One portion
had lodged just over the brain, where,
together with Il fragment of bone that
had been broken off by the bullet as it
tore its way into the Uranium, had be-
cone incysted with hard growth, which,
extending year by year, pressed harder
and harder against the brain, causing the
terrible pain of which Delong complained,
and resulting in arrangement and death.
Had it been known that the bullet which
struck him at Stone river found lodg-
ment in his head surgical skill might
have availed to prolong the victims life
for many years. AS it was, it was looked
upon as most remarkable that Delong
-ltoald have survived as long as he did.
Mrs. Delong applied for and received
nnnsiOn.
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1889-07-12
WHERE DOES THE FAULT LIE =?

We regret the necessity of being com
PEELED to write some facts in the manage
ment of our affairs that are sadly out of
joint. That mistakes and Irregularities
should occur in distributing supplies so
generously furnished by the country, is
natural enough in view of the difficulty
of distinguishing between the meritorious
and impostors, but, that instances of fla.
grant injustice should he passed over in
silence is more than should be expected.
Among other cases of the latter kind, we
know of one instance that is without even
the semblance Of an excuse or apology.
One Uf our business men, whose large
shop and materials were totally destroyed
and whose residcnce and household
goods we're damaged to the extent of sew
eral thousand dollars, not wishing to draw
upon the donated building materials ship
ped here, bought all the lumber for IL new
business shop, and only asked for free
trans sportation. To his utter surprise the
authorities refused to do anything in the
matter, or even to furnish team or pay
for one TO haul the lumber from the sta
ton. Where the fault is-who is the re-
spousblc person for the outrage we do not
know, but that it is an outrage an mex
cusable act of injustice admits of no argu-
ment, and the sooner such evils are rem
edisd the better will it be for the guilty
party.
As things begin to assume "A more set
tied state, our people and the liberal
hearted donors all over the country will
expect and demand satisfactory manage
ment in matters pertaining to relief. All
want to know, have right to know, and
will in the end demand to know to whom
supplies were given, where money went,
why it so went. and in what sums il
went. The day of reckoning is not re-
mote.
In lhis connection question discussed
by our 1est citizens is how much of the
Relief Fund is being spent in paying big
salaries to men who do little efficient
work-whose offices resemble mere sine
cures. All these things will doubtless
be looked into. No greater outrage could
be perpretrated thsn the unnecessary
squandering of money raised to relieve
he suffering and needy.
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1889-07-12
He Would Have III. seefTaiIs.

shepherd dog belonging to Il citizen
ot Kittaning recently developed Il -trang"
;it.-ion for the tails of beeves killed by Il
catcher living in the vicinity. The dog
,.uIld take the tails as the butcher cut
,lmm from the hides, carry them home.
aui p.Gc them nicely in a corner of thc
ha;uyard. He di | not eat the tails but
-..uv seemed To- be making II collection
If ttraL The pile of COW, bull and OK
tai HLaiiy got 10 he so large and such IL
u j. II ." that the dogs owner had them
l'urted from the premises and buried.
I -, dog was away at the time, but soon
ir.LuuCd with another tail When he
discovered that his treasured collection
hu. been stolen hc howled dismally, and
hsl,cJ all over the premises in II frantic
r.araor iur the missing property.
Elu.ing thdr the dog would soon col
.,.., anu .er pie of the offensive tails, his
ai,n T. requested the hatcher and all
" l,.: l. tchers not 10 let the dog have
aiN ilu.a. The dog seemed discunsoIate
ora ,u,y or So. But one day his owner
hu.iI eat bawllHE and agoniZcd bleat-
u... h pen of calves near his barn.
.hunlng o the spot H. found that his dog
Il at rheWed the tails of Of two calves,
nu vas busily engage in separating the
al; OF thrd calf when his master ar
rive on the scene. The dog was hound
tu have his collection of tails in su.uc way.
Tie was az on @ taken in haad and tied
up. Whatever gave him the craze for
beef tail, no one, OF course, can under
stand.-N. Y. Sun.
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1889-07-12
Secretary BIaine's brother.

For nearly eight years tie gray head,
round shoulders, ana iuGolent. sloGrhmS
gait of Robert G.. Blame, brother OF the
secretary OF state have ben frequently
seen in and ir Ind the grounds sur
rounding the a,.-cult lral department
and the Smithsonian institution. The
drivers of the cars Tia; run past these
institutions have come 20 LOOK upon him
as one of the show objects. He is con-
stantly seen strolling about the grounds
aud they watch for the chance to say to
stranger; "You see that man walking
across the grass? Well, that's Jim
Blaines brother"
During all this time "Bob' Blaine, as
he is termed, has been rated on the
treasury books as curator of the museum
at 81, 400 year. Practically the museum
has been the curator of Bob Blaine. A
number of efforts were made to dislodge
him during President Cleveland 5 admin
istration by patriots who thought his
soft berth Just suited to their capacities,
but the attempts always failed. Robert
Blaine, with the return of his brother to
power, is flying at higher game. He
wants to be register of wills Of the dis
trict, position as easy to fill as his
present curatorship, and paying eight or
ten times as much. In other words, the
register of Wills has no duties to perform
except such us are discharged by a
deputy, and his fees are $4,000 or $4,000
IL year.-Chicago Times.
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1889-07-12
Great silent Men.

Men great in deeds are often taciturn.
WashingtonS reserve made him stiff,
formal and i'll at ease in company, but it
also prevented his plans from being be-
traYcd to an enemy, and the country
from being deceived by his promises.
William the Silent was frugal OF words,
because IL reserve that concealed his de-
signs, even from those acting with hitu,
was necessary TO the Independence of the
Netherlands.
\ writer in Leisure Hour says that the
most dramatic of silent men was WaIlen-
stein, the antagonist of Guslavus Adolf
pAus, and the commander of the empcrOrS
u,uly in the Thirty Years War. He in
sisted ,hat the deepest silence should
irign around him. His officers took care
t.iHi no load conversations should disturb
Ilrlr general. They knew that Il cham
5' Rain had been hanged for waking him
Without orders, and that an officer who
"uuld wear ctanking spurs in the COM
lnnnuFra presence mad been secretly put
To death.
In the rooms of his palace the servants
g,idcd as ii ritgntouS, and II dozen senti-
ncls moved around his teut charged to
secure the si.cRce The general demanded.
CiL.ins We're stretched across th2 streets
IN order to guard asaipst the disturbance
OF sounds.
Wallcnsteins taciturnity, which made
him shun speech, and his love of silence
that caused him to be irritated at the
slightest noise were due to his cunstitu-
tional temperament. He never smiled,
he never asked advice from any one and
Er could not endure to be gazed at. even
wacn giving an order. The soldiers,
Wien lie crossed the camp, pretended not
la -" him, knowing that II curious LOOK
would bring them punishment
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1889-07-12

Southwark, Pa, has . sensation out OF
the usual run. It is the discovery by
John McGucken, a young contractor, Of
q bag Of gold. McGucken started with
five fellow laborers few days ago, to
clean out an old unused we'll on prop
erty on Second street. below Mexican.
During the process, McGucken, who was
down the well alone, stumbled across .
heavy object. Turning the light Of his
lantern on the obstruction, he saw 1t was
a heavy canvas bag, carefully sealed and
tied with a strong cord. He kicked the
bag and heard the merry Jingle Of metal.
McGucken thought he had struck 3
bonanza, and was 30 elate1 that he
iersed the bag from its resting ,lacc and
started for the open air.
When he got half way to the top the
bag-which was rotten from its long stay
in the well-split, and the coin started
70 drop out. With his hand over the
hole McGueken was hauled to the top by
his companions. There lay pile of gilt
tering gold pieces In S., Si0 and $40
coins.
A hurried count showed that $40 COM
prised the bags contents. How much
dropped out of the bag is not known. hut
MrGucken does not think more than $50.
Like sensible man 10 proceeded with
his work, and when the day was ended
did what his fellow workmen say was the
squarest thing ever seen in Southwark.
Nearly $500 he divided among them, 800
he presented to his moth. 500 wont to
his own credit in the IA .lng- fInj. and
with tue remaining Sl00 iac So rr-; nan
is cce1ra' Ing in II mild way his goo .1s-
tun". He i, the curiosity of Tree street,
W "rc he lives with his mother, and dur
M tho Gitv nc attends to hi business as
IT $1,000 gold bugs were every day finds
with him.
VINO the money belongs t. or who
placed the bag in the well j. a mystery
'ulaiclphia Record.
Johnstown weekly Democrat. (Johnstown, Cambria County, Pa.) 1889-1916, 1889-07-12
oar sS<xxs oaAax srRpss
A. Observer says Ezs Has Seen &c D0ae.
Hovv Snakes Swallow Fregs. a

Three different Incidents of snakes
charming birds have fallen under my own
observation, says a writer In the st. Louis
Reporter. Once l SAW Il l.uriay charmed
by what Is commonly known as the ''blue
racer" anu the urSi WAS oatbird
charmed hy IL ''co~ sucker" As these
snakes are c''t-1 ~ non-poisonous, they
could not ll.. oliten the birds AMI then
quietly awislted Their death. In the first
case the bird was IN an apple tree, some
ten or twelve feet from tue ground, when
its attention WAS first arrested. The
other two were somewhat under the in
huence of the snakes charm when first
observed. 1 would judge that it takes
from one to two hours for q snake to
bring u bird completely under the spell
which they can most certainly do il noS
disturbed after the birds attention is
once gained.
| have never seen snake charm u
frog, though I lave seen thon catch
frogs often. They are more than ma1:n
for the frog in a foot rHce; consequently,
they have frog legs to eat whenever they
wish provided the frogs can be found.
The greatest trouble Is to swallow the
frog after catching hin. The frog Is
swallowed heels first. Whether this is II
preference Oh the part of the snake or
whether it is because this ls the first part
overiaken and iail hold of, do not
know. When caught, the poor frog cries
out in the most pit.ful terror. Then the
struggle Of life and detLlh begins, with
determined anima! instinct on the part
of the snake; nay, | hight say with dew
ilish triumph-for he inows that victory
is sure in the end-and almost human
horror on the frogs part. The instant
the snake seizes u hin | leg it is swal-
lowed, and the hard part of the job is To
get hold of the other leg wiOhOut releas-
ing the one he already has.
The frog soon finds it useless to strug-
gle to release the leg already swallowed
by the snake, and seems to realize that
its only hope is to keep the leg that l.
free out of that horrible mouth whic
has such wonderful suction power.
once saw garter snake push frog over
thirty yards endeayotins To force the leg
of the frog that was free against some
obstruction, that it might get a hold on
that also. 1t finally succeeded, and the
struggle was soon over alter that. When
both hind legs are once in the snalteS
power deeper horror seems to taxi
possession of the poor little creatu'''
who has bGttlcd So hard for life; its cy".,
dilate with terror atd ns s,Ime a gluS>
stare, its whole body is 7tupelled, para
lyzed with an awful drea', of its iinpend-
ing fate. The snake docs not swallow;
it crawls over its prey. 1t does so BY
means of strongly contracting muscles i;
the throat.