The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-02-21
WIT AND HUMOR-
Good only when used up-An um.
brella,-BOst0n Beacon.

Before you elope, young woman, let
your mother know your route.-New
Orleans Rcayune.
You will find the most correct &C
count of the clothes of the yearin your
tailor's bill.-Boston Buttetin.
Oliver-I do not think l am quite
myself this evening. Jeannette-Al-
low me to congratulate you.-LJe.
What are the great astronomers?
The stars. because they have studded
the heavens for ages.-Bosto'a Beacon.
Don't be dishonest in small mat
tiers. II you get found out you won't
have much of chance for larger
operations.-LJe.
Deaf blind" read Squeers.
Here, my good man, take this quarter.
Beggar-'You lie! OATS a two-cenf
piece, you tief. Time.
House and visiting gowns are slight
lv trained this season, but the ball
room dress is as unmanagable as eyer.
burlington Free Press.
The critics who gush so extravaganza
ly over the star actresses and prime
dome are liable to die from an over.
dose of lauden 'em.-1eras Sitings.
John, DEAR she said, '.if 1 were to
die would you marry again?" "II1ight,
my love-" he replied, ''but I should go
trifle less recklessly than l did be-
fore. Once q Week.
1t is not always the man who looks
the Uisest who knows the most, but
most people don't know this, SO that il
will pay you to look just as wise as
you possibly Charlottesville Journal.
Miss Smith-Did anybody call this
| evening, Bridget Bridget-Yis, miss;
| Moike O'Shamus and Tim Blarney.
| Miss S.-What? l don't know them
Biddy-They called on me, num-
Life.
eff you refuse me 1 shall die!' he
exclaimed wildly. Then you might
give me proof of your love before
you die" What kind of proof" SIN
sure your life in my favor. "-Boston
Courier.
Abused husband-Say can a man
get divorce for cruelty? Lawyer
Certainly. What does your wife do
to your ''She fits my shirts herself
and makes me wear 'em. "-PhiladeL
| iohta Record.
Winks-What are you doing now?
| Jinks-Running a cheap restaurant
downtown. II never supposed you
knew how to cook" Il don't. That's
why I'm running cheap restaurant"
philadelphia Record.
1t is proposed to hold the next re-
union of the Smith family in Delaware.
The absurdity of holding a reunion of
the Smith family in Delaware would
make the authors of ''Pinafore' smile.
SonerUilte Journal.
"What will be the end of the human
racer" inquired the orator, and one fell
low in the audience remarked that if
cremation continued to grow in popu-
larity the race would end in a dead
heat.-Terre Haute Express.
| Mrs Manhattan--But what a hope
lessly vulgar lot those Joneses are!
Why, hear that Mr.. Jones pays all
his bills in cash, and Mrs. Jones to my
personal knowledge will go shopping
for pair of gloves and carry them
home herself!-Life.
Winks--"Seems to me the Haytians
might know better than to be buying
/
men-of-war. Minks-"But you must
remember the poor ignorant blacks
down in Hayti have never seen any navy
except ours" -Rhttadelphia Record.
81 wish to get pipe suitable for a
present." said the daughter. LET me
see something artistic. please" "Some-
thing er-er-what?" stammered the
bewildered clerk. IAN artistic pipe"
chimed in Mrs. Malaprop. Zone that
draws well, you know. "-New York
Sun.
Miss Richandugly with a sigh)-
Then you love me, COUNT Count
Castagno Gervently)-Lova your My
Coda, yesa! Bobby (under sofa)-
Chestnuts! Count (his old commercial
instincts overcoming him)-Fiva centa
pinte; how mucha you wanta?-1oUn
Topics.
| Fair passenger (to her travelling
companiOn)-Do you know, Mr.. Samp-
son, that feel nervous? Mr.. Sampson
What makes you feel that way? Do
you anticipate danger? Fair passenger
(shyly)-No, / don't anticipate any
danger. but we are approaching tun-
nel.-Epoch.
| Wife-John, my housekeeping al
lowance won't suffice this week. You'll
have to help me out about S.. Hus-
band-1s that SO? What's the troubep
Wife-O, it won't happen again, but l
have been trying some of the dollar
dinners that the newspapers are full of.
Harper's Bazaar.
Head waiter-s'Didn't Mr.. Good
heart tip you just now?" Waiter
"Yes, sab; CUB me half a dollah."
"Well, you wait on that new guest
and give some other waiter a chance
at MIR. Goodheart's table. He isn't
more than half through yet"-Phila-
delphta Record.
Mrs. De Fashion (sneeringly)-Here
I've been wondering where you were
for the last hour, and l find you've
been up in the nursery. That new
nurse girl is rather pretty, isn't shep
Mr.. De F. (quietly)-The nurse is out,
but there some interesting children up
there. philadelphia Record.
YES" said Mrs. De Porque, just
after her return trip from abroad,
France is great country. The peo-
| pie in Paris are amazingly clever"
''In what wayP" why, they all
speak French fluently, and several of
them assured me they had never taken
single lesson. Merchant Traveller.
Oculist-"When did your eye first
become infiamed?" Patient-"Yester-
day. l went up to lady to speak to
her and the peak of her bonnet"
Il see. We have many such cases.
Use this lotion and be careful while
the present fashion lasts to do your
talking to ladies by telephone. "-Phila-
delphia Record.
Miss Mabel Ito Miss Spinster)-And
so you are really engaged to Mr.. Bent
| ly, are you Miss Spinster-Yes, poor
man; when his wife died l realized that
| there was a soul to save. and l stepped
in and saved it. Miss Mabel-That is,
you become engaged to him. Miss
| Spinster-That is the same thing, Miss