Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-09-04

GNA, MICH, WEDNI
WIT AND HUMOR.
A serene girl-Mollie Fy.-Ex.
A seedy girl-Cora Ander.-Ex.
A summer resort phenomenon-the
longer man stays the shorter he gets.
-Ex.
The proper recipe.-Well, Browne,
how do you find yourself?
Never lose myself. If / did | sup
pose I'd advertise.-Ex.
Uncle Jerry Rusk wants to know
"whether horn flies are pestiferous.
If the horn flies at your head-it be.
FLORIDA Times-Union.
Wife-Is the moon full tonight?
Husband docking out)-No. From
its shape, though, l should think it
was Oh bender.-Boston Herald.
An accomplished musician. Mrs.
ADO you play the organ, Mr..
Smith ?
Smith-Yes, if the handle is not
broken.-Epoch.
Rev. Primrose-The tide waits for
no man, my young friend.
Merritt-So they say. Still, when
one lies down OH the sands, it seems
to wait till he's asleep.-Life.
Mrs. Sharpleigh says her husband
and the moon are great cronies, al
ways together, but Mr.. S. has one de-
cided advantage over his lunar COM
panion-he gets full every night
Epoch.
A domestic complication. The
wives often wear the trousers of au-
thority. In such cases the husbands
are so meek that they are not allowed
to be even partici-pants.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Didn't realize it. Jake-Flathers
looks like freak. l wonder why he
dresses so terribly loud?
Alf-Well, the poor fellow is terri
bly, deaf and / suppose he doesn't re-
alize it.-Life.
OF gentle disposition. Lady (to
tramp)-Poor man You must have
broken off many dear ties in your
past life.
Tramp-No, marin, stepped on
'em tenderly.-Epoch.
He wanted change. Oklahoma
Boomer--I've seed lots of Texas
Jacks, Denver Dams, Colorado Char
lies, Mexican Dicks, and sech fellers,
since | came here, but what Pm hank
ering ter see is some Dollar Bills
Grip.
"What a beautiful new boat !" ex-
claimed Miss Ethel, at Long Branch,
as the yacht Psyche shot past the
wharf.
YES replied her uncle from st.
Louis "but isn't that funny way
to spell fish?"-Light.
An unfortunate simile. Milk deal
er (to customer)-It is nice and cool,
isn't it? Just like glass of ice-wa-
ter.
Customer Quitting down the glass
1t is cool, and very much like ice
water; very much, indeed.-Grip.
Coming home from picnic. John
But now, look here, Sussie, do
you doubt that l love you?
Susan-Not bit of it, John, |
know you wouldn't have squandered
sixty cents for ice cream and things
unless you were in dead earnest.-Ex.
His head had swelled. Gussie-
Aw, me deah fellah, what's the mat
tab with your head?
Clarence-Aw-why-.er--I somehow
got an idea in me head this-aw-
mawning, and there don't appear to
have been any provision made in me
head for it.-Ex.
Jacob is skeptical. Parson Hen
roost-Uncle Jake, l feel much con.
sarned about you. Den you don't be-
lieve bad man gwine suffah 'ternal
fab furebber?
Uncle Jake-No, sab ; an de rea.
son fur why doan b'lieve it are be.
kase as how dat no constitution could
stand it.--Puck.
A much used elixir. lie Swell
And what do you think of the new
elixir of life, Bobby
Bobby (who is entertaining his Sis
ter's 6ancee)-Nuthing new about
4
that. Sister Syb's been using it, be-
cause she's only year older now than
she was four years ago.-Town Talk.
Something wrong. A child who
had just mastered her catechism con-
| fessed herself disannninted hecanse