St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-12-28
BEAUTIES OF a FLAT.
MIR. and Mrs. Boggs Get the Liver
With Some Difficulty.


"These flats are the incest things ever
Invented" said the landlord, as he
showed Mr. and Mrs. Boggs through
the rooms. "YOu observe the system of
electric bells and speaking tubes in the
vestibule? Well, for instance, your visi-
tor calls and touches the bell. You
speak through the tube, find out who
he is, touch this button, the street door
flies open, and your visitor comes right
to your apartments. No trouble,
no nothing. Everything works like
clOck-wOrk-juSt as easy and perfect as
anything you ever saw. And here is
the dumb waiter. Observe now nicely
this works. The shopman calls, goes
into the cellar and sends your meat,
groceries, bread or what-not right to
your fat. No trouble anywhere. L tell
you, you will find it like paradise to
live in fat''
Then Mr.. and Mrs. Boggs moved into
the fourth fat and were much delighted
with the prospect.
'Oh, there's the bell" said Mrs.
Boggs gleefully the first time it rang
after they had taken possession of their
new home. ''Do let me answer it; it
will be such fun to speak through the
tube"
But it wasn't as funny as she thought
it would be.
1.-The Joneses don't live in this fiat"
she called. "This is Mr.. BOggs's fiat.
No. | don't know where Jones lives.
Read the name plates and you can see
which is his fiat. No, can't open the
door for you. You see, L don't know
who you are.
''The idea of that fellow ringing our
hall hnn ho fnH
BOggs as she came away from the tube,
very red in the face from her exhaust
ing conversation through the tube.
She had got comfortably seated when
the bell rang again. Again she went
to the tnbe.
"What is it? she called.
"It's>the washlady with Mrs. Smiths
clothes.'
Mrs. Smith doesn't live in this fat"
screamed Mrs. BOggS, with her lips in
the tube.
''Do yOu know what fiat she lives in?''
mo. We are strangers here"
eff you open the door can find Mrs.
Smiths fiat"
''Read the name plates and ring her
BELL" suggested Mrs. BOggs.
~ can't read"
After five minutes conversation Mrs.
BOggS finally said:
PPM very sorry, but, really, / do not
think l ought to open the door. You
see, L do not know you and might be do
ing wrong. Goodnight"
Mrs. BoggS sunk into chair with just
strength enough left to exclaim, Did
you ever!
As she sat there painting for breath
there was long, loud whistle from the
tube in the cellar.
''For PHYS sake, Mr.. Boggs, will you
answer that whistle? That wash lady
has completely unstrung my nerves."
So Mr.. BoggS took turn at the cellar
tube.
Hello, what do you want down
there ?'
Pm the boy from the butchers and
I've got the liver"
"Well, l don't care if you have the
liver and the lights, both. Why don't
you send it up?'
Il can't"
''Why can't you?"
"The dummy won't work"
81 guess it's you that won't work."
and Mr.. Boggs jerked open the dumb
waiter door, grabbed the rope with both
hands and gave it fearful jerk. 1t
didn't move. Then he gave it. a long,
steady tug. Still it didn't bulge.
''Confound you. down there. What
are you doing to this dumb-waiter?"
''Ain't doin' nOthin' to it, piped the
boy.
swell. do something to it. Take an
axe, take anything; smash the con-
founded thing loose some way or
other"
But the waiter wouldn't work. and
after fifteen minutes of wild exaspera-
ton MI. BOggS commanded the boy to
carry the liver up stairs, as they wanted
it for breakfast.
After waiting what seemed to Mr..
Boggs week for the boy to announce
his arrival at the front door by touch
ing the bell, he said to Mrs. BoggS, who
was watching the proceedings with
wild-eyed interest: ''Confound that
boy, l wonder if he has run off with
the liyer?''
''Just hear that Internal imbecile,n
he exclaimed as he sprung to the tube
and yelled drought it at the top of his
voice.
The boy called back that it was dark
in the veStibule, and he couldn't see the
names.
''My name is Boggs," shouted the gen.
tleman.
"Well, my DEAR" said Mrs. Boggs,
quietly, "what difference does it make
whether your name is Boggs or Groggs
or JOggs, so long as the boy can't see to
read it? What you want to do is to
open the door and let him in with the
liver"
"Open the door yourself, Mrs. Boggs,
if you know so much about it," eX-
claimed Boggs in much heat as he fed
from the tube. ''Open the door your
self, say, and let that gibbering idiot
come up here with that liver at his peril.
And as for the landlord, who had so
much to say about this beautiful system
of electric bells and speaking tubes, I'll
murder him on sight," and Mr. Boggs
plunged into bed.