Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-11-13
JUST FOR FUN.

INDEMNITY - MONEY w nat 90 you
get an evening for waiting at entertain
ments?" Five marks, but if there is
to be singing I must ask six."-Fyieqende
BlaHer.
'"TANNER.n says an esteemed contem-
late Commissioner" Naturally. He
was not late. He was simply too pre-
vious.-,Sue.
THE pugilist would rather give than
receive, and yet when in battle lie
shows that he is close -fsted.- Yonkers
Statesman.
ST. LOUIS puts in claim for the
worlds fair. 1t is chiefly geographical.
The sky fits it nicely all around.-Pro
Uidence Journal.
DoN'r be too severe on the man who
scolds his wife in public. Perhaps that
is the only time he dares do so.-Terre
Hdate Express.
"CuMso," said Fangle, "what is Jay
Smith doing Tor a living now" "A
contractor" "Ah In what line ?"
"Debts. Time.
LADY Gin intelligence office -"Have
you ever minded children before p
Nurse-"No, mum; but I've made
nanny choild mind me. Epoch.
"WHAT made you fall in love with the
tenor ?" asked the alto of the soprano.
Because / knew he could never be
bass deceiver," was the satisfactory
reply.-NeaO York San.
AT THE OFFICERS BALL-"Have you
heard, lieutenant, that young lady has
just died of broken hearth" Sorry,
but really we can't be any different,
you know Fliegende Bl8tter.
GATHER TO THE MAN. Fond Parent
H. - Io+
What should you have done it he had
should have had his Noah's ark,
shouldn't I?'-Fun.
ABSENCE OF MIND.-Proiessor- on
all remember the exquisite, melancholy
soldier-song, To-day [ ride on prancing
steed, Tomorrow for my country
bleed The next day -ah-ah !"-
Fhegende Blatter.
GEORGIA has passed an anti-cigarette
law. Lawyers say it cannot be en-
forced because its provisions are clearly
unconstitutional. Somehow cigarettes
do not agree with the constitution any
| where.-Boston Transcript.
FRIEND Ito veteran editor) Have
you ever written line that you would
wish to. wipe out ?'' Veteran (sadly),-
Eyes. once" "When was that ?"
when l Endorsed friends note and
had to pay lt."-Terds SJtings.
"MAMMA," said Tommy, as he watched
his little brother squirming in the bath
tub. willie is like piece of flannel"
what makes you think SOP" asked his
mother. "Oh, because he shrinks when
he's washed. Boston Post.
SENTINEL-"Who goes there ?" Pri-
vate Threads (rom ribbon counter)-
"Friend." Sentinel-"Advance, friend,
and give the countersign." Private
-Psttsbur9 Chronicle Telegraph.
GRocER-"I've got lot of Limburger
cheese Pm going to sell at cost. [ want
to stick up some taking notice of the
sale. Can't you give me something"
Reddiwit-"How would 'unapproacha-
BILE bargain suit you ??"-Boston Trans
crit.
HIS FIRST OFFENsE.-Mr. Hyson-"Mr.
CIPHER, you were absent without leave
yesterday Mr.. Cypher-"Yes, sir,
was married very unexpectedly yester-
day." Mr.. Hyson-'Well, sir, you will
please see that it does not occur again. l"
Life.
THEORY AND Observation-Disclosures
s'Take these powders as directed, and
your cold will be gone in two or three
days." Patient-"You seem quite
hoarse, doctor?" Doctor-"Yes; I've
had a bad cold for four weeks. THE
| Epoch.
By No MEANS CRUEL.-Mr. Fluffy
! "Say, old man, that friend ofyours, Miss
Goode, is kind, gentle sort of person,
| is she not ?" Mr.. Waterpate (rapturous-
ly)-"Kind and gentle Why, Fluff, me
boy, that girl wouldn't strike an-an at
titude l''-1Sme.
He SAVED HIMSELF IN TIME.-Ella-"I
know l am ugly, but / love you, Erastus
have SIC, 900 year. Will you marry
me?" Erastus-"Yes, darling; I'd
marry you if you were twice as ugly-as
you think you are, my beautiful birdie"
The Epoch.
"YoU ought to get out of doors more"
said the physician. "Why, good gra-
cious!'' exclaimed the sheriff, 81 just
about live out of doors p EYES," re-
piled the medical man, 81 know, but
ess. "-Burdett3.
No HURRY.-Young Bird Con tree)
There comes a hunter. We'd bet
ter fly away" Old Bird-"No hurry.
He's got to climb fence before he gets
to us, and his gun will probably catch in
rail and shoot him. They most al
ways do."-NeaO York Weekly.
| BLAcKFERN, (costumer)-"One thou.
sand for this gown, madame; it is real
/ Louis Quatorze and royaltiescome high
j Mrs. Patentriche (worth $4,000, 0O0)-
''That's sight of money for one dress,
but if Mr.. Quatorze gets ten per cent. OF
| it, why. I'm glad to help him along."-
brakes Magazine.
Two Irish servant girls were quarrel
ing the other day. ''Shure," said the
one, "an' didn't Oh hear yer mashthe1
not comin' in afther half pasht four av
the noightp' can shure," retorted
the other, IAN didn' Oh hear yer mash
Their not comm home at all lasht
noight p'-Epoch.
A WOMAN had three sons who went
West and settled down on a cattle
ranch. Wishing to give this ranch some
name, they wrote home, asking the
mother to suggest one. She wrote back
advising them to cali it ''Focus," "be.
cause" said she sit is the place where
the sons raise meat. Exchange.
"WHAT is the difference between 6
pretty girl and a mad dog" asked
Souilding. eff that's conundrum III
xar~liaI MoGu,itIinar, ruitI