The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1889-08-27
JUST FOR FUN.

JOS4 EON EONS
Fat men are anxious to dispose of the
surplus.-BostOn Post.
The seized sealer has ~skedaddled. Her
captors must have been Behring up
Boston Herald.
We have no hesitation in saying that it
is better to swear honestly han to pray
Observation-Disclosures Argus.
The most unfair thing that happens to
women is that engagements are so short
and marriages so long.-BMghompton Re
publican.
Put mosquitoes on duty Sundays and
they would beat policemen at the work
of finding open bars.-NeU Orleans
Picayume.
You can't say, in the words Of the
Mikado, when the morning dew evapo-
rates, that it never will be mist.-Philo-
delphia Press.
Why don't they select sailors as base
ball umpires2 A tar ought to be a good
judge OF how a thing is pitched.-BaHs-
more american.
About the only birds that have not been
driven out by the English sparrow are
the dude, the eagle and the Jail bird
Aunsey's Weekly.
The proper name of the bumble-bee is
humble-bee. But humble as he is he
won't allow himself to be sat upon
Tsrre Haute Express.
The difference between the elevator and
the toiling sufferer who pulls the rope is
that one lifts the worker and the other
works the Understandable Journal.
The chances of being killed while crawl
ing under a circus tent are one in $685.
467, but a Cleveland boy has just drawn
the unlucky number.-BufaO Rrpress.
Squeers-" Why did you marry that
Miss Dewey? Not for her money, as she
has none" Nickleby-"No; I took her
at her face value. "-L0a0' ence american.
A Jersey writer believes that flies buzz
zing around the human c~ountenance pro-
duce hay fever. This is a theory not to
be sneezed at.-L0uiSVGWe Courier-Jour-
nGL
Aramina-"You put your arm around
my waist so gracefully, George" George
- have had lots of practice. I was Il
street car conductor five years."-BoStOm
Post
How many cigarettes do you suppose
were made in this country during the
year ended June Both? Tobacco says
2,l5l,515 ,36O-and Tobacco ought &c
know.
The cable that Emperor
William has just sent a portrait of him
self to the Gar in OIL" What in the
world is a Gear in ola czardine?-
Hotel Mail.
The Latest.-Young Lady-"Mercy!
What a strange looking dog! What breed
is it?' Fancier-"We call him a Russell
Harrison, mum, cause his head is so
big."-Puck.
A Buffalo paper, speaking of the royal
grants, says that royal comes high.
Well, for what other reason should one
use the phrase, "Your Royal Highness 2"
Toronto Globe.
An ear for music.-Miss Alice Well,
Bridget, l suppose you would give a good
deal if you could play like that" Bridget.
q would, miss, but I'd give more if l
could play better. "-TEme.
kansas City claims a ghost-a beau
tiful young female that plays the guitar"
Kansas City ought to be thankful for the
dispensation that made a ghost of a guitar
player.-C Columbus Dispatch.
"Were you carefully brought up,
young man n said the merchant to an
applicant for a position in his establish
ment. eyes, sir |" he replied, ~ came
up on the elevator. "-Bostom Post.
"Ku-ta-m no. ng-sha-hau-ta-iu-to." That
is from a new Chinese phrase-book, but
it isn't Chinese-it is English. It is the
way the Chinese are taught to say "Good
morning, sir, how do you do 2"-Boston
Transcript.
"There is only n way to secure accu-
racy in our signal service bureau" said
the Congressman. "That way is to com
pei the prophets to confine their observa-
tons entirely to last months weather.
Harper,s Bazaar.
Oh Moneybage"Why do all young
girls like to go to the circus2 Can you
tell me, daughter2 Z" Daughter-"I don't
know; why?" Old Moneybags (eyeing
daughters hands," Because they like a
ring show.'-Kearmey Enterprise.
There is nothing like giving full par
t~iculars. An exchange in telling its
readers of an accident by which a hunter
L1on off Hfbo on+;ro ton of bio hood - II