The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-11-29
HOW AUTHORS ARE BORED.
Novelist William Black Describes the
Ruses OF Autograph Fiends and Their
I,iLxe
From Public Opinion

Like.
From Public Opinion.
William Black contributes undsr the
Ute OF Authors and Their Unknown Cor
respondents" an amusiug article to Messrs.
Iliiotson's syndicate Of newspapers. In q
novel by my friend Mr.. Payn, he saws,
came upon a striking passage in which the
| heroine was described as being buffeted
about by terrible gale, in so much that
her raVen-olacA hair streamed out 10
WING ward. With the light heart of an
amateur reviewer / wrote to Mr. Pawn and
drew his attention to the fact that, as
| general rule, anything blown by a gale
| would stream out not to wind ware, but to
leeSard. But the answer came sharp and
prompt; the description was perfectly cor
rect; the heroine said the author of her
belngl had been taking a great deal of iron
tonic; her hair had become electrically
charged, and had f1Oated out towards the
north, irrespective of the wind-currents of
the storm So object no more.
ne communications addressed to an au-
| tnor by unknown correspondents are not
always dlsinterested: they have not always
MS guidance or instruction as their sole and
simple aim. 1t is easy, for example, to
discern why the following letter was writ
| ten: Sir am so great an admirer of
|
10 present you with character which would
prove an excellent subject for your brill
lant and caustic pen. | am sure you
could make the whole country roar
with laughter over the airs and
| anectatIons of the person | mean. I'm
aglne woman of fifty-s spinster-iust mad
| aoout young men, aud making herself SO
ridiculous you never saw the like, grinning
| and slmperlng in most disgusting way, and
you wouldn't think butter would melt in her
mouth-unless you had the cruel misfortune
10 i've IN the same house with her, and see
her temper when there were no young men
about. just cat she is-sly, suspicious.
WIND. ctlve. penurious to the last farthing,
ana breaking into RACES all for nothing, ex-
cept to crush and wound the feelings of
| those unhappily dependent on her Dear
sir, Should be delighted to send you all
partlculars-for book might be written
ABOUT her meanness and her jealousy; and l
MINK clever artist might be got to make a
picture OF her, with her false p ait not the
same color, and her two false teeth. Oh,
you should see her putting on her airs and
| graces when she can get a good-lookiug
| young man to sit and talk to her; ard then,
the minute he Is gone, the dust she raises
| with her wicked tongue and nasty temper
l am sure you would make the whole
country laugh; and l should like to see the
| look on her face when the book came from.
| the lDrary-as l should take care it did.
| III you will undertake it [ Will furnish you
with all information; and am certain that
1t will add to your great fame. which is the
sole reason why write to you. l am, sir,
| your devoted admirer, p s.
Inc Old cat would grudge you cup of tea
II you were lying on your death-bedn
What splendOr of leisure belongs to the
author as he appears to the Imagination of
| the ingenious reader! The book before
| him has been companion in the hours Of
| ease; the writer seems to have been in no
| particular hurry; why should he not be
| consulted! Dear Sir-I purpose taking my
family to Europe this fall, and | should be
extremely obliged if you could inform me
what the cost would be of hiring four-in-
hand coach TO be driven from London to
Aberdeen, and also if you would sketch out
for me the desirable route, giving the num-
| Der of stoppages, time, e-c" Dear Sir
| Y gu seem to think the hammerless gun a
great improvement; may I ask you to
| state your reasons for thinking so2n
Dear Sir-I am driven to appeal to
you IN very grave and serious emer-
gency. My niece's husbands young man
| Of singular ability and promise-nas sud-
denly deserted her, leaving no explanation
| behind him. except a note saying that ne
has been summoned away by secret So
| ciety which he had unfortunately Joined,
and that he had to hid her good-by for
ever. His broken-hearted wife has thought
| of you as the only one likely to have any
| intimate knowledge of those dreadful So
cieties; and would you inform her how she
should set about making inquiries. Could
you give her letters of introduction I'm
strict contidence), or names, TO guide her in
her search! Please, dear sir, give this your
| most earnest attention, for 1t is matter Of
life and death; and l will call on you Tues
day afternoon to hear what you have to
| say"
But the most persistent correspondent
whom the writer of books has to face IS the
autograph-hunting fiend, whose ways are
dark and devious beyond description. The
lodges to which he will resort in order to
accomplish his dlaboiical purpose are as the
| sand of the seashore for multitude; and it Is
| to be feared that many an honest letter is
| flung into the waste-paper basket on the
mere haSty and exasperated suspicion that
| it halls from an autograph-hunter TIE
| most deadly stratagem i'll this dilec-
| ton / ever heard of was the inven-
ton of friend of mine, who now CON
fesses to it as one of the sins of his youth
| He wrote a letter to each of the persons
| whose autograph he coveted, describing
| himself as ship-owner and asking permits
| Sion to be allowed to name his next vessel
| after the particular celebrity he was =
dressing. IL was 1atal trap. Nearly ever Y
one fell into it. Even poor old Carlyle had
no suspicion. and. in replying to the bogus
ship-owner, expressed the hope that the
vessel to be named after him might sail mo
happier haven than he had ever reached.
| | remember when | was in America re-
ceiving a very pretty and charming letter
from Two sisters living in one of the south
ern states. They described their beautiful
home on the banks of the river
they were, they informed me, living
there quite alone, having neither frienos
nor relatives to occupy their time withal :;
and it had occurred 10 them that as | was
certain to form a perfectly false idea Of
American hospitality so long as l remained
in the cold and callous north, would | not
come down for week or two to this sylvan
retreat on the - river, that they might
| show me what real southern welcome was
like? 1t was most innocent and idyllic in
vitation; and | was describing it long
time afterward to Bret Harte, when he in
terrupted me- Didn't the letter go on
something like thisP He knew the rest.
The idyllic invitation had been but an auto
eraph-hunting lure.