News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-06-27

AnONSH-W WI ny llOb make an HuctlOH-
eer of him. He's SO clumsy he knocks
down everything he comes across.
GOOD STUFF IN BLANK.
Whipper-Do you know Blankf
Snapper-The epicure!
Wh1pper-1es.
Snapper-Oh, yes, indeed. / know
him we'll.
Whipper-There good deal of good
stuff in him, in fact.
Snapper-Yes, especially after din
ner.
NOT THE WORD SHE WANTED.
Miss Whack Crying to bring ont the
word gourmond)-Now, suppose L went
to your house and ate too much, what
would your father call me!
Master Doolan-He wad call ye pig.
-[Golden Days.
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
Daughter-When marry, mamma, il
will be for love.
Mother-Do not talk like simpleton,
dear.
Daughter-As was about to observe
when you interrupted me, when i
marry it shall be for love of position,
ease and display. Business before SEN
timent, mamma.
Mothor-Spoken like heroine (sot-
to voce) 1 must keep an eye on that girl
or she'll run away with the first beggar
that looks cross-eye1 at her.-Blng-
hamton Republican.
THE WRONG CREDIT.
dropped a song into the post;
1t vanished and thought it lost
For who has sight so keen and strong
1t can follow an EDITORS theft OF q song?
Long afterward, in rural sheet,
found the poem all complete,
My wandering glances Travelled on
Twas credited to that scamp "AnonI
Huntington Free Press.
HE TRIED DIAMONDS.
'I can never win Clara We're de
Vere," moaned the bashful youth
"Nothing can make an impression on
her heart, it is as hard as steel"
"Try diamonds" suggested his friend,
an impression on substances even
harder than steel"
The young man tried diamonds and
tne NeuulHS etay is HOW set.
STRUCK HIS MOTHER.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak- strike your
mother, my son-never.
Charlie-I never did, father, and L
never will.
.'Oh, yes, my son; saw you do it
this morning"
What
''Yes; you struck your mother for So
fof
BURNED OUT.
Grigson-I've lived in all kinds of
houses in my time and l was burned out
only once.
Fledgling Where was that.
Grigson-When | lived in q fireproof
building.
1T WAS ON THE DOOR.
eWhere did you buy your new dress,
Bridget" asked lady in suburban
Roxbury, the other day, of her newly
imported domestic.
''At Push Il Pulls store ON Washing
ton street, it was ma'am, replied the
girl
"Push & Pull'sl" queried the mis-
tress. 81 really do not recall any such
firm in Boston. Are you not mistaken
as to the name 3"
81 think not, ma am, said Bridget,
confidently. "At any rate, that's what
it said ON the door, Boston Herald.
HOW HE DREW.
"Here What are you doing Hold
up your handsl"
"All right, Mr.. Officer / don't want
10 h,r, h, II
life.
''How is thata He was not making
any demonstration against you. / saw
the whole thing"
''Oh, that's all right. He hadn't rec
ognized me yet"
what do you mean2 Who are you
And why did you draw your gun on this
man who was going along peacefully
minding his own business 2"
swell, you see, it's this way: I'm q
cattle man out in Montana, and owe
! this man some money. ought to have
paid it before. but waited till 1 could
/ come to the city: and he wrote that he
should draw on me at sight, and reck
on l got the draw on him first"
'But he was only going to draw q
check"
"And l was only going to check 6
draw. 1.-THE Grasp.
SOMEWHAT PUzzLING.
Bobby-Why can man run faster
than a boy
Pa-Because he is bigger, of course.
Bobby latter pondering for mo
ment)-Well, pa, then why don't the
hind wheels of a wagon run faster thar
the front wheelsl
Two minutes later Bobby was say
ing his prayers.
A STRONG LIKENESS.
In the Police Court.
Prisoner, your face seems familiar
to me. think you were here before
left on my vacation.
"Your Honor should be careful no
me mixed up with my sister. We al
bear the most striking resemblance t.
each other of any family you ever heart
of. y Judge.
GENEROUS PHYSICIAN.
Mrs Blinkers-Well did you go to tn,
doctor to see about that bee sting on lit
tie johnny
Mr.. Blinkers He said W,
should put mud on it. He charged mt
So for the pre- 5cription, but he gave m,
the mud for nothing.
sUhE SIGN.
SMITH notice that Silliboy has lef
off posing as a musical genius.
Robinson-What makes you think so
Smith-Why, hadn't you noticed tina
he had his hair cut off.
| ARTLESS INNOCENCE.
Mother gazing at her daughter
dressing-cushionl-Why, where did yo,
get so many gentlemen's scarf-p pins
Daughter-I don't know myself.
find one in my hair almost every nigh
after Gus calls, and to save me l can
imagine how they get there. Th'
Epoch.
SUFFICIENT APOLOGY.
A stout woman in railway train sit
down on the silk hat of fellow-pas
senger.
''I say, madam, you really should b.
little more careful how you throw
yourself about" exclaimed the owne
Indignantly.
1.