The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-01-02

court. lou KNOW uDu idAt lHt pd-
pers myself, but I'll depend on the
neighbors for information, and let her
beware! l know her age and what
kind of teeth she has, and I'll make
her wish herself in the cold confines
of the lost if she dares to have it
printed.
Well, Fidola, it does seem that we
have been standing in slippery places"
ever since Sophia Jane told that con-
founded lie about that hateful old
rooster. / hadn't been outside of the
house since / fell into those turbulent
waters l told You about, until last even
ing, when made up my mind to go
forth, and not let my light burn under
hill any longer.
You see, George had heard around
town that there was to be candy
pull, and Phyletus heard of the pound
party. 1t seems that the churches
here always manage to have their en-
tertainments on the same evening. L
suppose the members are afraid some
one will spend cent in the wrong di-
rection.
Sophia Jane and thought it would
be splendid chance TO get into
society, and we made up our minds to
go to one or the other, but we couldn't
agree as to which. L had calculated
on going to the pound party, but
George and Sophia Jane were bent on
going to the candy pull, and after we
quarreled for about an hour | got nv
dander up, and told them to go thei
way and | would 60 mine. 1t was
Sophia James first entry into So
ciety here at Bigwig, and l was
anxious TO see her make a big swell,
and So mad as L was, helped her fix
up in style, and-would you believe me
she looked like pert miss of six
teen, instead of thirty-six, as she really
Is. Sophia Jane and George went
first, and L sat at home conjuring up
something to take to the party that
wouldn't cost much. BY and by
thought of some frozen onions that
had in the pantry, and determined
to take some of them. / remembered
that good text our elder used TO preach
about when he wanted money, "The
liberal soul shall be made pussy" and
got an empty flour sack, put in peck
of the onions, and went over. When
got there nice-looking young chap
took them and asked me what they
were, right before the whole company.
thought it was none of his business,
and so L told him they were apples
another lie which I'll regret to my
dying day; but of that, hereafter.
/ enjoyed myself very much for the
first time in this town, although some
of the big bugs that were at our house
on Thanksgiving were there, and / was
first going to start home for thought
L would So home early so they would
miss me when L WAS gone, and realize
what hel | was to the life and en-
joyment of the party, for l tell you,
Fidola, if it hadn't been for me the
party would have been dull and bore
all the evening; but, as / said before,
was just going to go home when the
nice-looking young man proposed hav-
ing treat of apples, and, to my utter
horror, went and got that sack of
onions and began dealing them out to
the company before my very eyes.
1t seems to me if they'd had any
senses about them they'd have known
the difference between apples and on
ions, but they didn't, or else they didn't
want to, for each one took bite, and
then one of the very women that par
took of my hospitality on Thanksgiving
had the brassy cheek enough to ask
me what variety of apples | called
them, as they were so finely favored.
i was riled by that expression, and l
made up my mind to say something for
all the world like sarcasm, so l asked
h.. gh Ill i 4
told her | had been caught in COM
pany of fools, and that might make me
fool-looking, in their eyes; but if she
would wear the spectacles of common
sense and decency while she would
see that her brain cut about the same
figEre in her skull that a frog does in
Lake Erie. She said she was glad she
was not the only fool, and that looked
about the silliest of any person she
ever saw.
That raised me. and l told her the
Creator never put that face on her to
deceive folks. She had just begun
another speech when the minister
came in and she shut up, and just got
my things and went out of that house
in disgust and renown. / waited at the
step and looked through the keyhole
as soon as / got out, and they were
laughing like n set of fools, so L went
home. tell you, Fidola, if Job had
been in my place he could have sworn,
or else there is no hereafter.
supposed Sophia Jane and George
wouldn't come home for two hours
yet, but when got in the house and
had lit the lamp, there sat both of
them, looking like two whipped dogs
l knew then that something awful had
happened, and for full hour neither
of them spoke, although / coaxed So
phia Jane all the time to tell her
troubles to her down-trodden mother
1t seems from her tell that they were
having a fine time, and she was getting
acquainted with young man of
eighteen, when, as they were pulling
candy, he let big lump fall in her
hair, and in snatching it out he pulled
off her switch and frizzes right in
the eyes OF all the company, which
riled Sophia Jane so that she went
to spit in his face, and out flew
her false teeth. You know Sophia
Jane is nearly bald, and when
her teeth are out she looks for all