Wichita eagle., 1889-04-18

hero IS man who can pass crowd OF
boys engaged in making snowballs without
turning his head to make sure that they
have no design on him.-Nev Haven Nesos.
Why SHE COULDN'T CATCH Him.
She was plump and beautiful,
And he was much in love.
She hated him, but, woman-lke,
To catch him well she strove.
But then. you see,
He was flea.
lid Bits.
FAITH is sometimes represented by the
figure of drenched female clinging to a
sea-washed rock: but better personifca-
ton would be bald-headed man buying a
bottle of patent air-rest0rer.-Shoe and
Leather Reporter.
PHOTOGRAPHER ito sitter)-s'That gentle
man who preceded you is the most remark
able man ever saw" Sitter-''1n what
way2n Photographer-"He didn't tell me
that he would rather have tooth pulled
than have his picture taken.''-N Y. Sun.
JOHANN STRAUSS uses a piano SO made
that it can not be heard beyond the room
in whichit is played. The man who in
PRODUCES cornet for amateurs, built upon
the same principle, will be hailed as a
public benefactor. -Noyrtstowa Herald.
Dh SAhsER lut NSil-huOWH Tiue-SHUC,
says that an orange hit in the exact center
by rifle-ball will vanish at once from
sight. An orange handed to a. small boy
will vanish almost as quickly, without
wasting a rifle-ball on it.-N0rristoos Her.
add
CLERK Gin fashionable uptown bakery to
propietor)-"That tray Of American soda
biscuits in the window, sir, has been there
for three weeks, and they are getting
sour What shall / do about it?" Pro-
prietor-"Lable them English tea mullins
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
MEN are strange creatures. They will
waste an hour hunting collar button in
stead Of having an extra supply and letting
their wife find the missing one. You never
see a woman look for pin she drops. Her
husband finds it when hevwalks around in
his bare feet.-PhiladeIphia Cal.
A PoMPOUs and opinionated man, when
discussing certain matter with lady, ex-
claimed: II know am right, madame.
am perfectly sure that l am. Twill bet
my ears on it, madame 'sDo you think it
right to carry betting to such extreme
length!'' quietly responded the lady,
7. Ledger.
PECKHAM (meeting an old friend)-"Why,
Dingley, is this you? l haven't seen you
for ten years. How are you, any howe"
Dingley-"O, Pm just like used to be. By
the way, Peckham. how's your wife! You
used to say you had the boss girl when you
were single" Peckham (sadly)-"She's
still boss. Life.
''PsE disguised with this yer water sup
ply" remarked a colored gentleman, as he
took a drink at the hydrant. whats the
matter with it?" asked a man who heard
him. "W1hy, the city's runnin' ice water
now It's cold weather, but in summer,
when yer wants ice water, it's as warm as
yer please. "-Tld-Bits.
THE General Presbyterian Assembly has
authoritatively declared that Adam was
without natural parentage of any kind.
This was an advantage. If some of
our would-be American aristocrats were
without parentage of any kind they
might be able to trace their ancestry
back two or three generations without
striking butcher or a soap-fat dealer
Norristown (Pa.) Herald.
Mr.. MINKs-''Seems to me that new girl
is very good one, isn't shea" Mrs. Minks
-''She is perfect treasure. can't mag
inc how I even existed before she came, and
rll never let her go, never; but the beauty
of it is she is just as well satisfied as l am,
and / know she'll never think of leaving"
"Don't be too sure about that. She may
take a notion to get married some fine day"
'No danger; she's been married once."-
Omaha World.
81 SUPPOSE said Dumley, after he had
registered, to the hotel clerk, "that when a
guest has no baggage his personal appear
ance has more or less to do in making
him pay in advance" "Oh, yes" replied
the clerk, Gin this business we soon learn
to size a man up. Will you have your
trunk sent to your room, Mr.-er-Dum-
ley?" ''No, haven't any baggage. l only
expect to be in town a day or So" ''Four
dollars, please. ~. Y. Sun.
A MILD REBUKE An Austin teacher
overheard one of the larger boys in the
class whispering to the boy below him that
the teacher was donkey. The teacher did
not get angry at all He did not seize the
boy by the collar and draw him over desk
where he could get at him conveniently.
All the teacher did was to remark placidly:
'Harry, l shall mark you deficient in nat
ural history, as you can not distinguish me
from a donkey."-1er1s SJtingS.