The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1889-06-20
WORK OF THE WITS.


Taken as a whole, the Indians,
although illiterate, are the best red
race in the world.
Our experience with some tailors
destroy our belief in the survival OF
the fit-ist.
1t was the woman who saw the
first snake, but since then the
men have attended to that sort of
thing.
A rejected lover sent red flag to
the lady, asking her to wear it as
signal, SO that other fellows might
not suffer as he did.
Mother-"Johny, your face is
dirty" Johnny-"Well, so is the
earth's face, and nobody makes O
fuss about that, do they?"
A New Hampshire crank who has
imported Cashmere goat, intend
ing to raise his own cotton to make
camePs-hair shawls with, writes to
know if there is any difference be-
tween Southdown mutton and
mutton down South.
Ours is a practical age. The old
motto. "Trust in God and keep your
powder dry" has been translated by
an Iowa farmer thus: "Boys, don't
touch these melons, they are green,
and God sees you"-Boston Con-
gregationalist.
"Why, | tell you sir, it's q splendid
remedy children cry for it," "That
may be. 1t proves nothing. My
boy cried for a woolly horse with
red legs, and | am quite certain
that woolly horse with red legs
wouldn't cure him ofthe collie"
He had been following a strange
lady in the street, vainly seeking an
excuse to accost her. At last he
says: Madam, of course it is not
raining; but, if it did rain, might |,
with the greatest pleasure, offer you
an umbrella. if | had one?"
"Father-Robert, is it not about
time that little boy were abed? Rob-
ert Jagged six, carelessly glancing at
his watch) Really, father, l must be
excused from venturing an opinion.
1t is subject in which | have little
interest; have no little boys, you
know.
Mrs Barkis-"Why, really are you
back so soon? thought you were
going to put in the first two years of
your welded life in Europe? Mrs.
Young couple-"We did intend to,
but-you know the Constitution does
not allow a foreign-born person to
become President, you see. "-Terre
Haute Express,
A Washington paper, speaking of
the recent death of a prominent citi-
zen, says: "The widow and her
daughter are living here very quiet
ly." That's good; we don't know
much about Washington society,
but we infer from this that q widow
and daughter in full mourning and
deep affection are aptto make Rome
howl.
An attorney expressing a conflict
ing opinion in a matter under dis
cussion before Judge Walton was
met with this: "You should remem-
Der the remark of Judge Goodenow
to Judge Goddard: You may be
right and may be wrong; but my
opinion is worth more than yours,
because my opinion decides this case
and yours does not. "
Oftice-seeker-I have called to see,
Mr.. Wannamaker, ifyou can do some
thing for me. | am alife-long Phila-
delphian, having been born and rails
ed, so to speak, on the classic banks
of the SchuylkiIl. Mr.. Wanamaker-
You are no Philadelphia. No true
citizen of dear old Philadelphia ever
pronounces Skookl in two distinct
syllables,
would that I had wings and
could fy!" fcrvently exclaimed Non
pareil Fitzgibbons, who was some
what POLITICALLY inclined. "Why do
you wish that. Nonpareil?" softly
murmured Marigold Geoghegan, who
just dotted on poetic sentiments.
because then l could make loads OF
money as museum freak"
Not a man of his wOrd.-"W-w-will
you bible m-mine, Miss Laura?
C-can't you trust me th-through Life,
my angelo" asked the suffering
young man, II am afraid not, Mr.,
Jenkyns, replied the object Of his
devotion. II am a little afraid to
trust you, You have broken you1
word half dozen times in the last
two minutes. "-Terres Haute Elk
press. nE3
Personal illustrations are usually
in doubtful taste and sometimes are
positively dangerous A farmer was
complained of for maintaining 6
nuisance in the shape of q piggery
the neighbors asserted that said pig
gerry was detrimental to their health
At the trial the rustic gentleman ar
gued lis own case, and summed ur
as follows: "The neighbors say
your Honor, that hogs is unhealthy
Isay they amt. Look at me! Aint
I healthy"
A short time ago q fellow named
Crandall escaped from the Allegany
County Jail, and wrote back the fol
lowing note to his former custodians
81 suppose it is o mystery to some
how I got away, and consequently
l will give you a brief history of my