Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-02-17
THIS UMBRELLLAIS STOLEN
FROM
ALPHABET SMITH.

and the conductor happened to see it. 1t was
with some difficulty that my friend convinced
the conductor and the old lady that he was not
crook upon mischief bent.
So
HAVE you ever seen one of the old-fashioned
umbrellas of cotton that our grandsires-or
some of them-used to carry with immense
pride?
An old character who was well-known in the
Sewickley valley for I don't know how many
years-she isn't dead or forgotten yet-had an
umbrella of this sort by which she set great
store. 1t was Of blue cotton. with broad, white,
circular stripes, and to what era it belonged
old Rachel did not know.
They say she only lent it once. One day, a
score of years ago, her husband, who was a
track walker on the Fort Wayne Railway,
screwed up his courage enough to ask her to
lend him the sacred umbrella. She brought
out the blue and white treasure from a corner
of the little station house where they lived,
and. with many injunctions to be sure and
bring it back, gave it to him.
He had to walk three miles into the country
that day, and when he had reached his destina-
tion it had stoppedraining. The sky was clear
when he started for home, and suppose that
was why he forgot the blue and white um-
brella.
He never thought of it again till he was at
the threshold Of his home, and there his wife
confronted him with her 200 pounds of muscle
ard bone.
Where is it?" she said in a low and ominous
tone.
"where is what, Rachel?" was her husbands
meek reply.
where's that umbrepf'
"Sakes alivel left it behindr'
before you git into this house you'll fetch
that umbrer."
jim, that was her husbands name, knew that
Rachel would do as she said every time, and
he walked back three miles and then retraced
his steps, bearing the umbreP."
So
WHAT remarkable old woman Rachel must
have been in her prime!
She used to boss the neighborhood in which
she lived, and most of the time she was at war
with all the boys for miles around. On eof. the
boys tells me good story Of those days.
He and few more juvenile brigands used to
delight in tormenting old Rachel. Their ways
and means were not unlike those popular
among the boys of to-day. One trick which
always had the effect of aggravating old
Rachel to the verge of insanity was to knock
at her door and then scoot away to safe DIS
tance.
When Rachel lived in the old station house
al EuR6WOTt0, u6T Cu6mltS, Lu6 uOyS, W6Io
won't to get under the station platform and
with piece of telegraph wire keep up an in
termittent storm of raps upon Rachels door.
She never solved the mystery of. that rapper
who could never be caught, though she often
opened the door so times an hour armed with
some weapon or other.
-
THE boys got tired of this mechanical device
after operating it the best part of one summer
morning, and came out on to the railroad track
just as book and map peddler happened to
come up. He asked one of the boys where he
could get drink of water, and the urchin
obligingly replied: Eyes, Rachel will give you
all the water you want, if you knock at the
door,"
Which was strictly true.
The peddler knocked at the door, and it few
open faster than any door that peddler had ever
known before. A tall, bony, broad-shouldered
woman, her face livid with anger, filled up the
doorway, and jugful of hot water hit the
book agent in the face. He turned and ran
away as fast as he could down the track, shak-
ing his fist at the boys, who stood at safe dis
surely be arrested.
WHEN Rachers husband was killed by falling
off a hand car, she was apparently over
whelmed with grief. She walked up and down
outside the station house with stride and
gait as though she was stepping over tall grass,
and screaming at the top of her voice. The
ne1ghbors one and all came down and tried to
calm her. But she would not be comforted.
Neither would she hear of having the funeral
the next day.
One of the neighbors, who had known her all
her life tried to reason with her on the subject.
ha xuoa ina iOgiStad that tho
must be postponed. Her reasons for wanting
delay she would not give at first but after
much pressing, she said: II amt got no black
stocklngsr'
80
A YOUNG and presumably tender chicken in
whom have taken some interest of late has
been ailing for several days, and though it has
refused to eat, has presented distended, not
to say balloon-like appearance.
The proprietor of the chicken instituted an
inquiry, and several witnesses were called.
One, small, but intelligent child, knew great
deal about the chicken. She was positive that
the Bantam-for of that small and comely
breed the invalid is-had eaten heartily on a
very recent occasion.
why" said she, 'I gave it a lot to eat my
self"
what did you give it?" the inquisitor asked.
'tRicer' was the reply.
"Uncooked rice?'
"Yes."
"Ohr'
Now that small chicken attracts no attention
from the curious; it still is of abnormal grth,
but is convalescent. See what few grains of
rice can do!
IT affords me great pleasure to note the latest
progress in suburban dairy farming. Here is
one of the latest notes in my book: An East
End gentleman is bent upon raising calves. and
at present there are four as pretty young AL
derneys as a man may see in his stable. The
other day met the daughter of this gentle
man, a little miss of summers. I inquired
after everybody's health, and last of all
asked how the calves were.
''Oh," said she, they're getting along all
rightnow. Papa's feeding them lime water
isn't that queer thing to give calves" I
asked.
sYou see we've not enough milk now for
them all. and lime water looks Just like milk,
you knowp'
Afterward met the gentleman who owns
the calves, and told him how glad 1 was
to hear that his calves were thriving on lime
water. As he seemed puzzled at the remark, I
repeated to him what his daughter had told
me.
Lime water2" said he, laughing; "it is -four
and water, and my little girl, I suppose, mis-
took it for whitewash."
And so what I deemed discovery in COW
feed vanished out of sight.
HEPBURN JOHNS.
Effect of the Weather.
From the New York World.l