The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-10-11
FLASHES OF FUN

rE Sl-I. -
SOME jails would make good public.
speakers, they have such an easy de-
livery.
SMirH-Were you wei disappointed
in love? Jones-No, but I've been dis.
appointed in marriage.
THE asphalt p%nyeinent's full Of flaws.
TITS easy quite to sec.
II for a moments thought youll pause.
It's asphalty as can he.
Il LIVE mostly within myself" said
q conceited fellow. II understand"
replied his neighbor at the table, syou
occupy a fiat"
THIS is a world of contradictions.
Men praise heroic actions first because
they are we'll done and then because
they are rare.
allow Long Girls Should be Courted,"
is the title of an article in n Texas
paper. Very much the same as short
girls. we should say.
SuRvEYoR-Yes, sir; our railroad
will run right through your barn.
Farmer-Well, 1 can just tell you 1 am
not going to open and shut the doors
for every train.
POLICEMAN (sternly)-What are you
doing on the street at this hour of the
night? Prowler Goyfully)-By George.
you're exactly the nan 1 want to see!
I'm trying to find q saloon.
HUSBAND Cat $50 a. m.)-Don't say
a word! I know it's awful late. but
I've had a hard tug of it. Wife-Yes,
you look as if you had a hard tug. How
many schooners did you tow in to.
night?
McCRAcKLE-I see that a movement
is on foot to induce the Government to
coin half-cent pieces. McCorkle-Yes;
it is thought that more people could be
induced to contribute to church collec.
tions in that case.
sI'LL have yez to understand that
Oi have the lab on my side" said a Frog
Hollow citizen during a quarrel with q
neighbor. "And, if ye have, ye can
kape it. It's meself that knows the po-
lice on this bate"
TRAVELLER Ito small boy)-Can you
tell me how far I am from Stumptown?
Boy-About 24,9OO miles. Travelled
Impossible. Boy mean if you keep
ON the way you are going. If you turn
around and go back it's only about o
mile.
PRISONER (full of blarney)-Shure
yer honor will niver send me up, but'll
let me off this tonne. Yer honor is
such a foine, imposing man. Judge
Yes, I know it. I am n fine imposing.
man. Yours will he So and costs or
sixty days.
FoND LOVER (after q long delayed
proposal)-Perhaps I have been too
sudden, darling. Darling girl (regain-
ing her composure with a mighty etfort)
Yes. George, it is very, very sudden,
but-and here she became faint again
it is not too sudden.
NorH1Na to fear: Miss Lovelorn-I
was terribly frightened one evening in
the country. A tramp sprang at me
with a long knife and tried to steal my
hair. Miss Caustique-How thankful
you must have been that you could take
it off and give it to them.
"WERE you ever in Portland, Mr..
Porridge?" "Never, Miss Shewfair."
mo? Well, eau you tell me why the
Poles, as u people, seem to be in such
bad odor?" "P can guess. 1 met u
polecat once, and if the people are any
thing like the cats that settles it."
A MAN who had been influenced
through the lectures and writings of
Kate Field to contine his libations to
| California wine, surrendered to . mora
fiery beverage at length, remarking.
"Now is the native wine of resolution
sickled DER with the cast Of pale
brandy"
Mrs. FANaLE-What is the matter
with my husband, doctor? Physician
WE'LL, Mr.. Fangle's complaint is
hereditary. He Mrs. Fangle (in-
terrrpting)-I'm sure I don't know
where he could have caught it. There
hasn't been a case Of that around here
for a year.