New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-09-25
MORE FUNNY WORK.

tons for q young man. Even cab
bage-culture will enable a struggling
youth to get head.
Doctor" said a Respondent pa
tient, 81 believe I'm going blind. .
BAH said the doctor, impatiently.
"that's all in your eye. Z
The man who tries to argue a
woman into loving him may succeed,
perhaps, but he must have long
life and no rival. -Somerville Journal.
''And how is your husband, Mrs.
McCarty? Is he as hard a worker as
ever" SO, John ain t worked day
for seventeen years rs he incapa-
ciated?o mo, ma'am he's dead,
A Washington school teacher broke
one Of his ribs one night recently,
while turning over in bed. The
scholars, next day, held a meeting
and rendered the turnover vote Of
thanks.
In Washington a man can drop
nickel in slot and have his hand
kerchief perfumed. The proprietor
OF this little device makes enormous
profits, giving only one scent for five
cents.
Clarissa-"Oh, Lucia, I've been
looking at your lovely wedding pres
ents. There are seventeen full sets of
dishes among them" Lucia-'sI
shall need them all, as 1 expect to
keep girl. Omaha world.
"When your practicing friend
across the way has learned how to
play the cornet he will entertain the
whole neighborhood," said Mrs.
Brown. eyes," said Mrs. Crown,
but by that time there won't be any
neighborhood here. .
Father-My son, you must not dis
pute with your mother in that way.
Boy-But she's in the wrong. Fa-
ther-That makes no difference; and
you might as we'll learn, my child,
once for all, that when lady saws a
thing is SO, it is so, even if it isn't so.
Then, my dear, you have really
made up your mind to marry a Wild
ower?'' Certainly. 'sAnd does
he never talk about his first
wife?" RI should like him
to try. If he did l should at
once begin to tell him about nv
third husband.''
'Yes;;'' said Henderson, s'my new
book has received golden opinions
from all sorts OF people,, Fogg-
s'Why, I thought the press of the
country had been entirely silent about
it," Henderson" That's what Isaid.
Silence is golden, you know
ton Transcript.
The man who sits on bent pin can
answer the conundrum: Where do
the pins go to?-Ex. Well, we don't
think he can. There isn't one in
hundred who won't swear the pin
went clear up through the crown of
his head, and anybody knows a pin
isn't long enough to do that.
A few days ago two men were in
Smiths barber shop. One had red
hair and the other was bald-headed.
Red Hair Ito bald-head): "Youwere
not about when they were giving out
hair?" Bald head: eyes Twas there,
but they only had a little red hair
left, and [ wouldn t take it,"
Among the replies to an advertise
ment Of a musical committee for a
candidate as organist, music teacher,
ETC., was the following" Gentleman
| noticed your advertisement for an
organist. either for lady or gentle
mail. Having been both for several
years, | offer you my services"
Once lady who had been disap-
pointed inlove wrote with diamond
ring upon window pane the fol-
lowing line: "God made man up
right and he 2 Here the sentence
stopped. A gentleman CHANGING to
see it some time afterward added to
it the following: might have re-
manned SO, but He created woman
and she''
Young Mrs. Greene Henry, dear,
do you think SO much bread and Mo-
lasses is good for Harry" Young
Mr.. Greene Certainly it's good for
him. Don't you know bread is the
staff of life?' Young Mrs. Greene
8 Ye-e-e-s-but SO much molasses you
knowp' Young Mr.. Greene well,
what oft? He doesn't eat the mo-
lasses; he leaves that on the door.
knob. !" Puck.
Mrs. Billus (While giving Mr.. B. q
curtain lecture at a late hour -.
"Hark! What's that? / hear noise
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