The Mason County journal. [volume] (Shelton, W.T.) 1886-1927, 1889-08-30

then L believe Ii would nave Deeu uoo
late could he by any possibility
have given il up. But he did not and
could not, and what is still more sad, l
fear he took zone last biggish dose,
as he said he would, ''tO anticipate the |
inevitable | had been for some |
months assistant to railroad engineer |
in Pennsylvania. He was one of those |
men who work their assistants as
they would tired horse so / was kept |
at it very hard and close all day, only l
had the nights to myself. / sustained
about this time loss which caused me
a good deal of grief, and this, combined
with the irksomeness of my duties, be-
gan to tell upon me so far that SUI
fered sleeplessness, so that at times i
could get no rest till far into the morn
ing hours, and being deprived of suf-
ficient sleep, l was naturally in poor
trim for the labors of the succeeding
day. 1t would have been well for me Il
l had now at once thrown up my en-
ployment. But one fine morning, in
reading a medical journal, l came
across the letter of practitioner who
was loud in his praises of hydrate OF
choral. How well l remember the
words: Produces sleep almost instan-
taneously-the sleep is pleasant and
dreamless-patient awakes in the morn
ing fresh and clear-brained, with no
headache, and merelya little whitening
of the tongue; no after effects.
"Eureka!' l cried; ''this very night !
shall be Tapped in Elysium." l was
Tapped accordingly. l took twenty
grains of choral and slept like stone
till morning, Overjoyed with the sue
cess of my experiment, I repeated the
dose next night, and every night for
week, after which 1 tried one night
without, but found was entirely un-
able to sleep, and so had recourse tc
my draught about three in the morning.
Six weeks went past, and although as
yet l had felt no illness from the
choral, still had my misgivings, and
resolved that would give it up some
of these days. One thing, however,
which | observed was, that on awaken
ing in the morning l felt as if actually
no space of time had interviewed
since I lay down, My life seemed
continuous, never-ending day.
had no satisfaction from my
sleep, and felt dispirited in conse.
| quence. If l had only taken warn
ing then! But did not, for this
same peevishness is the earliest symp-
tom of that coming irritability OF
chronic congestion of the brain, which
the continuous use of choral never
fails to produce. About two months
after l had begun taking choral
first became sensible of strange heat
| %ho of 4,
q sense of fullness in the head. My
nerves, too, began to be shaken, could
do things slowly, but any hurry or ex.
element at once confused me.
In Justice to myself | ought to say
that had no suspicion it was the hy-
drate of choral that was doing me
all the mischief. | was treating my.
self for brain congestion. l noticed
now that was losing flesh. Day after
day 1 observed this in the glass; crows
feet began to appear about my eyes,
and wrinkles where never wrinkles
were before. My pulse, too, got more
and more thready. Even at this early
stage had very little hope of ever get
ting well, and so, day after day, /
marked in the glass my thin,
worn face, and the gathering wrinkles,
and waited and waited for death.
ing my illness, should have died
with my finger on my pulse counting
even the last beat. My sulferings were
now increased by periodic attacks OF
tic doloureux of very distressing
character, and my remedy was more
chloral. A strange thing was that !
could never bear any allusion to my
illness. Although felt sure l was dy-
ing, 1 kept the secret secure in my own
breast, and made every effort to seem
well in the street by walking quicker
than my strength would permit, and
refusing even the aid of my cane.
had friends and relations who would
gladly have come to see me, but never
even told them that was alive; pre-
ferred death among strangers.
1t is the end of June-the air is beau.
tiful but hot crawl down to the sea-
side and lie for hours sheltered from
the sun by a bush. This is the only
time in the day I have the slightest
freedom from pain and misery. Elk.
cepting this solitary walk, it is months
since l have been able to 90 out OF
|
reading or thinking, trying, as the
Germans say, to ''solve the infinite. d
My constant prayers had been that
might either get slowly well or speedily
die. Hope deferred maketh sick the
soul, and all faith in prayer has gone
and all belief in religion and revela
ton. Sometimes l even doubt the ex
istence of Supreme Being Himself
My bodily sufferings are very great
and my mind is mere chaos. My fact
is so thin and white and worn that :.
start at my own image in the glass. M,
eyes are constantly dilated, and thu
least excitement runs nay pulse from
sixty to one hundred. Toward evening
my head feels as if frozen, and sit in ;
benumbed stupor until bedtime. I'm
dressing feel is one of the labors o
Hercules, and has 20 be done by de
grees. do not tax. ny chloral-thre
drains, enough to II as many men
until l am in bed and the house per
fectly still, for the 81 hest noise woul
necessitate double dose. When all is
quiet, drink and
Three months more have passed
away. After my friends death made
strenuous efforts to reduce my dose of
chlOral, and continued the same for
more than a month. What nights of
sleepless agony, what days of restless
pain! l am now taking three drains
and half at bedtime, and one more at
early morning. have often started from
my sleep at midnight with a strange
dread OF impending death which l can
not describe, and found my hand cold
and no pulse at the wrist. can now
barely walk hundred yards without