Wichita eagle., 1889-01-26

aching void somewhere if our morning
paper does not furnish US with a list OF
| the killed, wounded and missing as the
| result of too numerous vote in county
seat election, and with our breakfast roll
we expect to read "Order No. l. Office of
| General Commanding State Militia. To
Company A, Eagle Rifles: You viii hold
your gnn and self ready to march to where
| glory and tough beef steaks await you, at
seven minutes notice. Only one Saratoga
trunk permitted for each able-bodied pri-
vate.H
holds an honored position in the process
sion. The air-brake and Metropolitan
policeman have saved the lives of thou
sands. The electric light has turned
night into day before Yesterday, while the
duplex telegraph, telephone ticker and
typewriter are booming away through life
at rate which would shock the nervous
systems of George Washington or Bobby
Burns while being shaved on a solid vesti-
bule train booming along at the rate of a
mile minute. In connection with the
typewriter it is due TO our native gallantry
that we do not lightly pass from the dear
little typewriter girl. whose boom has been
and is, perhaps, the most popular extant.
When man pays a girl SIT per week and
Yucatan TO grind out two half-page letters
on a Sl25 Remington machine, L am
thoroughly satisfied that he is mashed on
the machine and regards the girl as a most
valuable invention.
Ould nature swears the lovely dears
Her noblest work she classes o;
Her prentice han' she tried on man
And then she made the laSseS o.
Then there is the photograph about
which we have read SO much and know so
little. This threatens to be the coming
boom, and if we properly understand this
invention it is going to revolutionize the
ia1 4
illustrate: 1t costs seven dollars TO hear
Patti on her seventeenth farewell tour
sing two arias and d back alley, and home
sweet home Wi hout mother-in-law; but
the monograph has downed her; for when
you go to hear her take your little Phouie
with you, open the throttle, sit on
f neer.ss safety valve Of and so when the
her go Gallagher #" the machine will scoop
in enough seve n-dollar-per-night Patti
music to do your whole family for genera
lions to come; for every time the machine
throws ont ''Ho me, Sweet Home" in
PATHS best, we st amp our feet, clap our
hands in enthusiastic applause and credit
the photograph &C count with s..
1t is by this means that we are piling up
sufficient wealth to buy more corner lots.
Our collection of monographs now in
cludes machines that have been to heavy
tragedy, grand opera, variety theatre and
dime museum and he only fault we have
to find is, while the grand opera of the
tragedy machine yeIls out Lay on Nc
Duff, and damned be he who''-turns on
the Pat Rooney ms srument, with Il owe
ten dollars to O'Grady" All hail to the
photograph. The bell punch and the
car register all deserve honorable
sible for so much grief and
sorrow among the boys who used
to enjoy the sweat of the other fellows
brow on the old knock down system. But
the Santa Fe collectors must go. Kansas
is on the eve of manufacturing boom;
pork. beef, salt and sorghum, good plebian,
every day, ordinary staples, every one of
them.
AS matter of economy the state legis-
lature is going to prepare list of Kansas
towns that are not competing for the big
gest packing house in the west, or boring
for coal, salt or oil. Every decent, re-
spectacle town in Kansas has been, or is
now boring for natural gas; but so far, we
fear that all the gas is above ground in
stead of under it.
Then we have the speculative boom,
which takes in corners on wheat, oats,
pork, corn, etc. These corners are gener-
ally managed By ''Old Hutch" who has
obtained copyright.
Then there is the railroad boom, in which
flyer" simply to keep his hand in.
There is the fashion boom-the most
autocratic of booms. From Highland
Mary to Jenness Miller; from Guilty sacks
to leglets; from Grecian knots to bangs;
from undressed kids to full dressed girls,
the stern decree of fashion shows no favor,
and knows no mercy. Our own Jenness
Miller boom, which created much of stir,
but none of bustle-stays not; its course it
run and vanished.
The blue tea; progressive whist. The |
euchre boom; the luncheons with it's ham
sandwiches, chicken salad, cold tea, chips |
from Saratoga and Buffalo; ice cream, jel- |
ly cake, stomach ache and angels food |
The brc-a-brac boom, /
are all dear to the hearts of our ladies.
Then we have boom of fads; the red |
headed horse and white girls. The cigar /
cite mania, with its pictorial accompany |
ment, and put your nickle in the slot"
are all typical wavelets. The latter illus |
trates the length to which the fad can be /
stretched. For nickle put in the slot |
you are correctly weighed, furnished |
hot tomales, a bundle of /
chocolate or chewing gum, or an acct
dental insurance ticket all by electricity |
excepting the weinerwOrst, which whistle I
and and it will come to you my lad" Put |
ten cents in the slot and you can have your |
teeth extracted, or get one of Dock Shocks
bull pups For sevsnty-flve cents put In |
the slot it will furnish you seven room |
house with a marriage license, on the in
stallment plan of a nick1e week. Put in
q dollar and quarter and it will lift the
hair off your head and the mortgage off
your farm.
We must not forget the sporting boom.
What would the country be? what would
Boston, the Hub, the home of ''culchaw,
don't We naw." be without John Ls John
L., the king Of sluggers, and the man who
never yet failed to knock out Mrs. Sulli-
van when he was in condition; Kilraine
and Dempsey; Capt. Shields. the wrestler,
Gandor, Teemer, Hanlon, Kittleman, the
Harper county Splinter; the Wich-
ia Boat club, whose clinkers
scrape the sandy deep Of our own tempest
lous Nile of America (by special permits
sion Of the EAGLE: Bogardu. and Captain
Smythe, Carver and Stafford and the rest
IF the Wichita Gun club: the Eagle Rifles
who are ever ready to bleed or dance for
heir country. The New York Giants the
Chicago Whites. Detroit and st. Louis
Browns have swelled the boom of base
ball; and let us here spare a tear for our
,wn defunct Wichita base ball team: and
base ball team it was, whose catcher
never in his life caught anything but d /
odd, and whose center fielder could not
,atch fly not even a horse fly; whose
short stop could only paralize Goldfish balls
md no others For these brief booms Of
,ur burg let il ia mournful accents be said:
Temps fugit-tiIne flies, or fly time"
The players skipped and the stock holders
)auled basely on the diamond.
While treating on the subject OF booms,
am tempted TO let you into the greatest
hing on earth, in q confidential way Of
curse. While most of this company may
Tot not be aware Of the fact. and while it
nay be source Of surprise 10 the stranger
within our gates, yet true 1t Is that we.
lere in America, have gone through the