Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-11-01
BILL SNORT IN THE WHITE HOUSE
Why Harrlson..Snube Colored. Man
From Texas-Snort and Harrison
Discuss Dave Hill--Snort Helps
Ligs kllllRats in the White
House.
WASHINGTON, Oct.T 2s +;

hUout W luuy lave r.
WINDY Dave Is good. Ye
Col. Snort, ! am readingi abou
Governor Hills torations sin tn
South"
"As a centre of natural gas h
seems to rival the Pittsburg gas wells,
observed.
"He is very fluent speaker" sal,
Harrison sarcastically ;"he prances Oh
the platform like the trick mule in
circus, and churns up the Englisl
language with his mgjestoso crescend,
teron robustOn voice and massive law
Col. Snort, have a great notion o
sending my son Russ down South I,
counteract Hills speeches.
"For Heavens sake Mr.. President
don't goad the South into another
war;"
"You seem 10 have prejudice
against my son Russ"
"Not at all, Mr.. President, and
TO prove 1t / promise II Russ stump,
the South / will furnish him with
a recipe which will remove old egg
stains from his shirt bosom. Rot
1t from Ell Perkins, who has
received many such ovations, as II
were."
"Thats just II, exclaimed Harrison,
hoty, "every Democratic swashbuck.
ler Is lionized at the South, but III a
Republican gentleman, like my son
Russ, undertakes to make speech
there he needs recipes for washing
of egg stains. Who Is to blame for
that?" z - ~
.You are, Mr.. President, p Ireplled,
calmly.
For i've minutes l thought our
chief executive would have a fit. He
fairly gasped for breath.
"Yes, Mr.. President, l continued,
"as Jacob or,Nathan said unto David /:
Thou art the man."
"What-do-you-mean, Col. Snort p
"I-mean-j just what-I. say, President
Harrison, l mean you make the Re-
publican party odious In the South
by appointing niggers to office. lad
weed you to appoint, white Re-
publicsns or Democratic protection
lsts 10 office, but you did not do il.
IL you had done so the South. would
not be solidly Democratic novr,'
"Do you really think so, Col. Snort ?p
81 know so, Mr.. President. If the
Bourbon shotgun gentry attempt any
bu,ldozing when the Southern Re-
pnblicans are mostly white instead
OF black, rs they are now, they will
regret II as sincerely as the little boy
did, when he, In msshing an insect
on the window pane, mistook a wasp'
for a fly" "
"Then you think no negroes should
be appointed to office iu. the South r.
asked the President. "a y. =
That's what / mean. Did YOU
ever notice, Mr.. President, that the
turkey roosts on the fence, while the
goose squats on the ground 2n
"Ycs, l believe that's fact.n
"Well, the white man is the turkey
and the negro lie the goose. You can
knock the turkey Off the fence forty
times, but he will fly back and roost
there again. You can put the goose
up on the top rail Of the fence, but
he will tumble off every time. The
only way to keep the goose ON the
top rail is to hold him there. That's
what you are doing In appointing
negroes TO Office"
Then you would have the Repub-
licans drop the negro aud invite the
Southern Democrats, who wants
their wool, sugar, rice and iron In
dustries protected, 10 join our party. ?"
"Now you are shouting, Mr.. Pres
ident. II is really. gratifying TO see
that you have an occasional lucid
interval" l
Harrison was about to reply, when
the doorkeeper, who is blacker than
the inside OF box of blacking, en-
tered and said, scornfully, handing
Harrison q card:
"Dar's light-complected niggah
dude from Texas out dar."
The President looked at the card
and said:
80, yes this is Hon. Mr.. Quincy, of
Galveston" -
Eyes; he is one of your precious
black-and-tan appointments" said /.
"You appointed this saddle-colored
mulatto TO be collector of custom at
Galveston, instead of appointing a
white man"
Quincy was admitted, but Har-
rison received the colored brother
very coolly. Finally, shook my
finger under Cuney's nose and asked
him to explain to Harrison why, In
such negro counties in Texas as Braz-
ori, Matagorda and Fort Bend, all the
local officials elected by negro votes
are white Democrats, who certainly
are not In favor of Harrison for re-
elections ? This stumped Cuney, and
Harrison looked sick. ffl
In controlling Harrison am OBJ
liged to be severe, for he Is as obstin-
ate as q balky mule, and nothing
short Of building fire under him
will start him.
"Mr. Harrison" said I, finally,
"drop the Niger. You can't bite the
bottom out Of q fryiDg-paul without
getting smut on your nose.r
Quincy didn't encore my speech,
but left in disgust.
By the way, Johnny, I've got even
with Ligs Halford. He was born
In England, and has never got over it
entirely. He puts on too many frills,
and he does not bow down and wor-
ship Snort as he should, 30 1 made
up my mind to take him down peg.
Said L:
'Lige, what is the meaning of
those two hydrophobic Maltese circus
lions rampant ON your coat Of arms ?
They seem to be climbing up on a
buckwheat cake, regardant, to get at
that large tape-worm on which Is
inscribed your family motto In Latin |
%, come OIL What are you givin'
usr"
'Yulgsh cweaturel' r. replied Lige,
scornfnlly.
'Is 1t a fact, Lige, that you are re-
lated TO the Earl Of Hungerford Star
vedale, of Staryedale Abbey, Fam
ineshire, England ?"
Lige'sniffed the air Indignantly |
and replied:
"Me deah fellah, I can twpce my |
4. ..Iuol ..n.Lo a..