Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-08-02
PITH AND POINT.
Ten to one-12:5O O'clock.

Gu 10 One-lS .OO q CLOCK.
A dark secret-A kiss in u tunnel.
Single stickers-Onc-cent stamps.
Quite swell affair-A society bellies
mumps.
Bookkeeping taught in one lesson. Do
not lend them.
The sun is grand; but the moon takes
the shine from it when she comes out.
1t is the undertakers who never fail to
carry out what they undertake. Wait.
Life is full of compensation. The
tongue of the deaf and dumb man never
gets him into trouble.
You cannot depend upon the man who
makes bogus money. He gives you false
impressions.-N York Neus
MARY" asked Charles, "what animal
dropped from the clouds2" "The rain,
dear" was the whispered reply.
Last winters coat, with the lining
torn out, is fashionable for office wear.
1t should be decorated with red ink and
mucilage.
Everything has its use in this world.
Even the fly that persistcntly refuses to
be caught teaches the baldhcadcd man
PATIENCE Somcrrile Journal.
''NIany are the curious thing in lifc,"
says Bob; ''you wind up clock to make
it go, and you wind up business to
make it Stop Chicago Globe.
Wood YOU said the coal dealer cutely.
And then, us he fired up slightly,
She gave the coal shoulder TO him.
Washington Critic.
Russian Fashion Note.-The Car has
returned to st. Petersburg and changed
his winter suit of boiler iron for light
spring suit of cast STEEL Washington
Post
Tubbs-'I flattcr myself that honesty
is printed on my face" Grubbs-"Wel
-er-yes, pcrhaps-with some allow
ance for typographical errors. "-Burling-
ton Free Press.
Rogers-"Aren't you afraid you will
get fired if you come down to the office
so late in the morning2" Rogers-"No,
I'm iireproof; l own stock in the con-
ern."-Mercury.
The nuisance of the hotel was in the
parlor warbling: ''Oh, would 1 were
bird" "Well, here's beginning for
you," said the landlord And he handed
him his bill.-Fort Plain Free Press.
Wilkinsby's Wife-"Why do they call
the prima donna the diva, George2"
Wilkinsby-"I don't know, unless it's
because she isn't afraid to jump into the
high C."-Aunsey's Weekly.
SUMMERS AT HAND.
The mercury is nountino hipbor
The seaside Boniface now smiles;
For when the atmospheres like fire,
His shekels he will heap in piles
-Ncio York. Journal.
A Lancashire gentleman, on being in
troduced to q newly married man who
had found his wife in that country, con-
graduated him warmly, saying: "These
Lancashire girls make excellent wives.
I've had four of 'cm." London It'd Bits.
Traveler-"Don't you see that nv
hands arc full, and 1 can't get at nv
pocketbook." Solicitor-'sI didn't in
tend to discommode you, sir, when I
spoke to you. If you will tell me where
you keep your money 1 can find it my
self."-Lifs.
In the theatre at Weimar, in Germany,
not long ago there were only seven per-
sons in the house. The pit took offence
at the miserable acting of performer
and Missed him cnergctically; whercupon
the manager took his company on the
stage and out-hissed the audience.
"Do you see the horizon Wonder.
where the sky seems to meet the cartha''
eyes, uncle" "Boy, have journcyed
SO near there that couldn't put six
pence between my head and the sky!n
"Why, uncle, what crammer!" ats
fact, my lad! hadn't one to put"
A young man married lady whose
weight verges closely OH two hundred
pounds. During recent country walk
they came to fence, and it was necessary
TO climb over. ''My DEAR" said the hus.
band, "shall help you over the fcnceen
"Never mind me-" was the wise reply,
''just hold up the fence"
Cutting Or PIGS Tail.