Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-01-11
Funeral. DIRECTORS.
Humorous Side of Their Business Illu

Humorous Side of Their Business Illus
trated by Several Stories.
II is a popular idea that undertakeIs are
very serious class of men whose lives are
shrouded in the deepest gloom Readers of
Dickens will remember that Mark Tapley,
when searching for lot in life which would
afford the greatest possible opportunity of
being jolly under difficulties, was strongly in
clined to adopt that of IN undertaken. Hav-
ing long believed this popular idea concerning
the men of coffins and shrouds and the life
they led to be gross error, have for several
years past sought close friendship with the
leading undertakers in many of our principal
cities, and personally by letter have collected
their views and experiences of their profess
sion as regards its agreeableness, its health
fulness, its humors and its pleasures They
all concur most heartily in the statements
made to me by one of the oldest and most
successful undertakers in the country who
has carried on his business for nearly forty
years, and has seen hundreds of Americas
most distinguished citizens decently laid in
their graves.
IAN undertaker's life is very pleasant
one, he said. Il shouldn't say undertaken,
ago, and now call ourselves funeral di-
rectors' Away from our business, think
| may safely say that we are the joliiest set
of men living. You know that clowns and
comedians arc often said to be very grave in
private life because their work consisting in
being funny, it is relaxation for them to be
serious Just SO with an undertaken. He
must wear a mournful countenance and af-
feet grief, OF at least mournful sympathy, as
very important part of his business, and
hence it is in itself recreation for him TO
throw all that off and be lively and cheer
full. An undertaker's life is calculated to
make man jolly, not only for the reason
just mentioned, but because it has
an intensely humorous side and be-
cause the very funniest things l have
ever seen in real life have been occurrences
at or In connection with funerals To large
class of persons the burial Of a friend is an
occasion for mirth and enjoyment though
believe that they mourn quite as sincerely as
those who wear long faces. l remember
officiating at the funeral of a noted saloon
keeper few years ago, and on the road to
the cemetery we encountered the cortege of a
rival publican. A race between the two fu-
nerals was quickly improvised, and we were
soon tearing along at such furious rate that
"IleH OuT IlttiI SC pOullCell over Il IRt SlOl6
in the road its doors few open and the corpse
Of my client-if l may so designate him
rolled out.
81 remember an amusing incident in con-
nection with a prominent iron manufacturer
of national reputation, who never loses an
opportunity of advertising his business. He
purchased n cemetery lot and surrounded it
with a very ornamental fence of his own
manufacture His wife died soon afterward,
and when l had laid the good lady to rest he
erected to her memory q handsome monu-
ment, on which were carved these words:
Here lie Mrs. Annie Y, wife of Quintius
", proprietor of the - Iron works, where
the elegant fence around this lot was manu-
factured. Similar ones made to order
Many years ago, when l first went into
the business, there lived in Brooklyn family
whom l will call Meeder The husband died
and l was called in. He had been q very
handsome man, and his wife had been very
much devoted to him. In making out the
carriage list arranged to have the widow,
as was always customary at that time,
accompanied by her dead husbands
brother, whose features were as repul-
sively ugly as those of the dead man had
been handsome When l came to read the
carriage list at the funeral and the widow
Icsl ucI Oi III dEiduSSuleuL loi JnS uISU ullIle
she screamed out at the topof her voice be-
fore all the people: 4 won't go with that
tarnal ugly iookiu' critter but III foler
Meeder wherever he goes
''At the funeral of very aged millionaire
belonging to one of the old Knickerbocker
families of New York, which l once directed,
his widow, an old lady of so years, walked
into the room where he lay in his coffin about
a quarter of an hour before the time set for
the commencement of the services and sat
down at the feet of the corpse. Taking out
her knitting she began to work at it very in.
dustriously. Her granddaughter, observing
her with great surprise, s2id: Why
grandma surely you wouldn't knit at poor
grandpa's funcralf Wal responded the
good dame, 1 jest thought l might as well
draw out a few threads whilo the people were
gathering '"-G. W. Christine in Chicago
Journal