Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-06-28

to try a case.
Uncle Tom-Then you've got client
at last?
Jaok-Oh, this case isn't in court; it's
at a wine merchant s.-Lit6.
YOUNG BARBARIAN.
Fond Mother-Tommy, darling, this
is your birthday! What would you like
best to dO2
Tommy, Darling CATER a moments
reflection II think I should enjoy see
ing the baby spanked. Figaro.
AN UTTER FAILURE.
HabituaI Nephew-say, Harry, lend
Harry (curtly)-Ob, go soak your
head!
Il. n. Chumbly)-I'd be deuced glad,
but they won't give anything on it.
NOT PROFANITY.
Poseyboy-I am afraid I shall have to
stop calling on you, Miss Travis.
Miss TraVis-Why, pray2
POseybOy-O account of your parrot.
He is very prOfane.
Miss Travis-That ism t profanity, you
goose. 1 am simply teaching him the
names Of the latest German operas
Burlington Free Press.
A NEW EXPLOSIVE.
'sAh, :" sighed Jones. ST suppose these
new explosives we read of are useful,
but I have one which can blow up any
number of men at once and Immediately
be ready for another attack. I would
gladly dispose of it to any foreign gov
eminent, the more distant the better.
1 refer, gentlemen" he explained to the
interested crowd, ''tO my wife. ''-EpOch.
NOBLE GAME.
GIadys-I do wish Evander had
more courage.
Grace-YOu ought to have my Clar-
ence. I don't think he fears anything.
He even told me once he had been buck
ing the Giger.-BOSt0zD Herald.
LITTLE DICKS REPORT.
Little Mamma, thatnew doctor
across the way asked me who was our
family physician.
Mamma-Weu dear, we are never
sick, thank heaven, and we have not
one.
The new doctor next day)-Well, my
little fellow, did you find out the name
of your family physician2
Little Dick-We don't have one, and
we are never sick.-NeI9 York Weekly.
THE CRY Is STILL THEY COME.
Still come the yarns by wire and mail
Of men a century old
Whose sight has not begun to fail,
Whose step is light and bold;
Who take their ten-mile morning walks,
Then nimbly dance a jig,
And split a cord of hickory blocks
While the wind blows through their wig.
oil CITY Blizzard.
A DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC.
Bixby-I say, old boy, I wish you
would tell me who this letters from.
The fellow forgot to sign it.
Buxby CATER adjusting his eye-glass)
-H'mi It's from our friend Dunkey.
Bixby-Ah 1! so glad you recognize
the writing.
Buxby-But didn't
Bixby-Eh How'd you tell?
Buxby-I recognized the spelling. -
BasGr.
WHY HE BRAvED THE DANGER.
'EGoing to Oklahoma, are you?" said
one passenger on the train to another.
''Yes, sir. %
scYo'ur foolish to do so. There viii
not be enough land to supply half the
settlers. "
$50 I've heard. -
ssAnd there's likely to be an awful lot
of shooting. Why, it's positively dan
geroUs to go.
. eyes, think you're right about it. %
''WeIl, then, why are you going"
s'I'm the agent Of a coffin factory"
Chicago Meas.
BOTH OF THEM CONFUSED.
They were passing under the elevated
railroad, and the din overhead was
almost deafening.
''This hustle makes my headache, -
she said,
'cProBa-Dly,' observed he, ..f you
were to wear smaller one"
''Sr - she Indignantly cried. 81
mean the noise cOnfuses me-.
81 beg your pardon, stammered he
81 am confused to. Time.
HE DID NOT Know THE MAN.
Americans who have visited Geneva
IN Switzerland, viii recall the Church
Of st. Pierre, one Of the oldest In Eu-
rope. Parts Of the structure date back
a thousand years. The edifice Is to be
enlarged and partially rebuilt at a cost
of 800, 000 This Is John Calvin s old
church.
AprOpos, and as illustrating how
transient fame is, the writer Of these
lines being IN Geneva q year ago, asked
the guide, a bright and intelligent young
fellow VINO spoke English vel, If he
knew CaIvin's house.
calvin, said he, what was his first
name2'
seEVhy, John-John Calvin.
'FWhat was his Hne2
Gle was in the theological business,
and was q prominent dealer. -
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