The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-06-13
SOME SOCIAL SLIPS.

social intercourse. SALlSBU KY,
SOME SOCIAL SLIPS.
81 beg your pardon, madam, bat you
are sitting on my hat" exclaimed a gen.
tleman, "Oh pray excuse me; thought
it was my husbands" was the unexpecG
ed reply.
In another instance of conjugal amen
tiles, wife said to her husband IL
saw Mrs. Becker this morning and she
complained that on the occasion of her
last visit you were so rude to her that
she thought she must have offended
you" Nothing of the KIND" he an
swered. "On the contrary, like her
very much, but it was very dark at the
time, and when entered the room at
first thought it was you"
"Poor Johnnie was kind and for
bearing husband" sobbed Johns widow
on her return from the funeral. yes"
said sympathizing neighbor, "but it is
all for the best. You must try to COM
fort yourself, my dear, with the thought
that your husband is at peace at last"
A gentleman had accompanied a
friend home to dinner, aud as they seat
ed themselves at the table, the hostess
remarked II trust that you will make
allowances, Mr.. Blankley. My servant
left me very unexpectedly, and l was
compelled to cook the dinner myself" "
"Oh, certainly, my dear madam, GER
tainly," responded the guest with great
emphasis, 81 can put up with any
thing"
Another amusing slip took the form of
an after dinner speech. There was an
entertainment given by an earl deserv-
edly popular. 1t was extremely hand
some, and champagne flowed freely. The
evening was well advanced when be-
nignant old gentleman rose to propose a
toast. He spoke with fluency but some
how he said exactly the opposite to what
he meant. | feel" said he, "that for a
plain country squire like myself 10 ad-
dress this learned company is indeed to
cast pearls before swine" Never was so
successful a speech made. He could get
no farther for many minutes. The
company applauded vociferously and as
though they would never cease.
Now, Miss Brown" said an earnest
listener, won't you play something for
US ~ No, thank you," said the lady I;
I'D rather hear Mr.. Jones'" Earnest
listener /: So would l, but"-Here he
was stopped by the expression on the
young lady's face; and he looked con-
fused for half an hour after she had in
dignantly turned and left him.
A person who was recently called into
court for the purpose Of proving the
correctness of a surgeons bill, was asked
whether the doctor did not make several
visits after the patient was out of dan
ger. NO" replied the witness, Il con-
sideTed the patient in danger as long as
the doctor continued his visits"
A physician walking with a friend
said TO him Let us avoid that pretty
little woman you see there on the left.
She knows me and casts on me looks of
indignation, attended her husband. ="
"Ah understand. You had the mis-
fortune TO dispatch him. was the re-.
mark that slipped out. "On the contra
ry," replied the doctor, Il saved him :"
A guest at country inn, exclaimed I:
Il say landlord, your food is worse than
il was last year !" Impossible, sir,
was the rather ambiguous reply Of the
landlord
why" said a counsel to witness,
"are you 80 very precise in your state
ment Are you afraid of telling an un-
truth y Witness promptly: mo,
sir"
At recent inquiry into the sanity of
a young man of large properly, witnesses
were being called to prove that he was
unfit to manage his affairs. A curious
slip was made by echoolmaster when
asked ii he had formed any opinion as
~ fha afG Of Ft,inI ~ h.,
tic. "Ob, yes" he replied, 81 can certi.
ty he Is an idiot. He was one Of my ia
vorite pupils"
II have met this man," said the law.
yer, with extreme severity, 'in great
many places where ! would be ashamed
to be seen myself" and then he paused
and looked with astouishment at the
smiling court and jury.
Here are a few other instances of
something very like putting ones foot
in it. The Legislature of Western
State having bill under considerable
for the regulation of tax collectors, are
all set Of knaves. l was one myself
for ten years." The bill passed.
How are you getting on in your new
pace p asked lady of girl whom she
had recommended for situation.
Very well, thanks" 81 am glad to
hear of it," said the lady. Your en-
ployer is nice person, and you cannot
do too much for her." II don't meant
to, ma'am," was the innocent reply.
Here is naive declaration from the
prospectus of weekly paper THE
staff, with the exception of the editor,
has been very carefully selected, AMI de-
serves to secure success"
A Californian newspaper is said to
have been sued for libel by a widow for
speaking of her deceased husband as
having "gone to happier home"
Dear sir" said an amateur farmer
just from the country, writing to the
secretary of an agricultural society, "put
me down on your list Of cattle for a
CALL"
A certain caravan orator at fair, af- |
ter long yarn descriptive Of what was
to be seen inside, wound up by saying |
"Step in, gentlemen; step in! Take my
word for it, you will be highly delighted |
when you come out"
"Allow me to congratulate you on |
your acquaintance with that charming |
lady," said a gallant Hungarian; 'she
is young, beautiful and intelligent. "Oh, |
NNihoihi1 thb Dub uOu
you think she il a Irifle cOnceited ~
why, madam, just put yourself in her
place, and say would you not be conceit-
ed too 2" was the rather startling com
ment
This social slip is even worse !: A city
man complained bitterly Of the conduct
OF his son. He related at length to an
old friend all the young mans escapades.
4 L L. H. q
and recall him 10 his duty" said the
friend. But he pays not the least at
tention TO what say; he listens only to
the advice of fools. | wish you would
talk to him. ~ Chambers Journal.
A SOUND LEGAL OPINION.
H. Bainbridge Munday, Esq, County
Atty, Clay Co., Tex, says Have
used Electric Bitters with most happy
results. NV brother also was very low