Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-07-03

Grigsley (after offering his box to
Wilkins and both have lighted their
cigars)-I like to lie back in an easy
chair like this, Wilkins, and forget the
cares of the day. What solace is a
good cigar See that How pleasing
life looks through an azure cloud OF
Havana We've nothing to complain
of, l should say, Wilkins.
Willins-Nothing; unless it is the
cigar Chicago Herald.
WHAT KEPT HIM.
Irate Mamma Goodness meI It's
half an hour since | sent you around to
the store to get those things, and here
you are back without them.
Little Dick-It was such long time
before my turn came to be waited on
that forgot what it was you wanted.
''Then why didn't you come home
and find outi''
81 was afraid if l left I'd lose my
turn. "-[ New York Weekly.
QUERY.
Have you ever perceived the expression
Ofjoy that crreps over mans tace,
When the bootjack strikes with dull, dead
thud
Aud he knows he has struck the right place?
- Lawrence (Mass) American.
TINGLING MEMORY.
Times there are when people tingle
Recollecting days of old
When the mot othcr took the shingle
And the thud was harsh and bold.
II Boston Courier.
FAIR PLAY.
All, husband do not scold you wife
And make her poor heart ache,
Because she can't build pies ike those
Your mother used to make.
That is, unless your quite prepared
TO see the whole thing through,
And buy her hats and dresses as
Her father used to do.
ONE MORE FAKE.
Mrs. Rilgood-Poor man! how did
you lose your leg?
Mr.. Riptout accepting the quarter)-
1t got stolen.
Mrs. Rilgood-Stolen'
Mr. Riptout-Yes, marm; lifted
Judge
COOL SPELL.
Mr.. Jingle-What word is Alice form
ing with her blocks?
Mrs Jingle-Ice cream.
Mr.. JINGLE thought so. Do you
know, when she makes that word 1t al
wavs puts me in mind of the little tiff
we had several weeks before VIC were
married!
Mrs. Jingle-Why9
Mr.. Jingle-Its such cool spell.
NOT so VERY THRILLING.
"Has McCorkle told you that hair
raising story of hist"
"No; is it thrilling"
"Not particularly. It's merely his nc"
count Of cultivating his moustache." :"
FUNNY STONY.
Dumlcy (who has just told funny
story)-Ha ha ! la not bad, eh?
Feathcrly-No, Dumley, not very
bad and you tell it so much better than
you used to. Il Harper's Magazine,
MUST &c FRIENDLY.
Biones You and Giles have become
great friends of late.
Merritt should say SO. When we
meet now he doesn't tap me on the
shoulder; he thumps me in the back.
HE HAD BEEN WARNED.
Prudent Parent-But canyou support
family, Mr.. Dolley2
Dolley-Oh, ] don't propose to try
to. I've been warned against marrying
all my wife's family Bazaar.
HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU.
He-What are the wild waves snyinga
Sho-Oh, they are probably making
some current remarks. - Philadelphia
Press.
PHILOSOPHICAL REASONING.
Farmer-See here, stranger, ther'
hain't no fish in this stream
Fisherman (sadly)--lt doesn't make
any difference; [ wouldn't catch any if
ther' was II Puck.
DISMAL DRIVE.
Slc-I am sorry, Mr.. Browne, that L
canno, be otherwise tllan sister toyou.
1t is getting late, by the way, ind L
think ] had better be home soon; would
You mind hurIying up the horse
He (savagely)-Oh, not at all, but
you see ] expressly asked for an old
horse, and we arc seven miles from
home, and this nag only makes three
miles an hour. Get mp, there, you =
Bazar.
DOES IT PAy9
'Does it pay to strike! !" shouted the
orator.
"It depends on how much you strike
for, said the base ball enthusiast. eff
it is thee-baggcr it pays every time"
4 CHANGE or OPINION.
"a nymph OF tine wood, he called her when
She tripped over mountain, field and glen;
But then-alas for his fancy free
| nymph of the wouldn't she proved to bc.
-[Bazar.