The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1889-03-28
PLAIN DRALER.
EVERYTHING IN TIE LINE OF
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ters, Circulars.
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W-Giye ue trial before ordering elsewhere.
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-"Order slate is the injudicious
advice suspended before certain coal
offices. Colorado Farmer.
Every man likes to talk about
himself; good listener makes de-
lightful wife. louisville Recorder.
Say" said the city youth to the
modest countryman, .'hay-seed out o.
your hair yet?' WAL" was the de-
liberate reply, Il jedge not from the
way the calves run after me-"
The average club man cares very
little about music. II he can only
strike the key OF the door with reason
able accuracy he is content.-Burling-
ton Free Press.
If church bells did not ring no one
would remember that it was Sunday.
That's why they ring, and it prevents
lots OF men from starting out with fish
poles. es.-Detroit Free Press.
The average hotel clerk knows al
most every thing, but he can't tell why
woman vii. persist in asking what
time the five o'clock train leaves
Hotel Mail.
Mrs. Hinks-"Has your daughter
made . good match2' Mrs. Winks-
..She married nice man." "Bless her
heart. And so she married rich?'
"Richp" Yes; you said she married
an ice man. Omaha World.
If some OF the ladies who sehus-
bands find fault with the fuss made
over female attire could get an insight
into the mysteries of a tailor shop
we'll, maybe they would have some
thing to say.-Merchant Traveller.
Wont you give my new play a
good pufT?' asked an author Of dra-
matte critic. l hardly think it would
be safe" why not?' well, it's SO
weak that puff would blow it to
pieces. N. Y. Sun.
IL know my defects" said B-jc.4
kins, pompously, and as the bystanders
looked at him admiringly, one Of them
whispered to another softly: what
an awful lot that man must know. -
Somerville Journal.
Mrs. Talker-ssI m sick to-day and
want you to tell the doctor to come up
on your way down town and" Mr..
I. Gnterrupting)- )-"What' the mat
ter?" Mrs. TT think I'm going to
have the dumb ague.n Mr.. T. (going
out) THANK heaven. Washington
Post.
The larger class of destructive
wild animals are numerous in New
Mexico, some ranchmen losing fifteen
to twenty per cent. Of their calves and
cattle by bears, panthers and mountain
lions. The territory gives as pre-
miums for killing mountain lions $50
per head, for bears and panthers IS.
A " estern paper tells of dog
that. after having been whipped in a
fight, deliberately laid himself down
on railroad track and permitted a
train to kill him. Really, our whipped
prize fighters don't seem to have as
much sense as dog. They prefer to
take another whipping.-N. Y. Ledger.
Tho twin brothers at the Mountain
House were singing duet. 20, that
We two were Maying," they warbled
sweetly. .'Poh!" said the sarcastic
young lady. you've mixed up the
months. oh. that you two were
Marching would more correctly ex.
press the sentiment OF the community"
--Harper's Bazaar.
Harry (horrified at seeing Kate
putting at cigarette)-.'Mercy! Dc
you smoke, Kate?" Kate-"Not be-
cause enjoy it, Harry. want to fill
the rooms with smoke SO that should q
burglar break in, he'll think there's a
man in the house." Harry-'.Well,
you're only losing your time and soil.
ing your lips. A man never smokes
Observation-Disclosures no man that 8
burglar need be afraid of.'-Boston
Transcript.
Concerning Holsters. experts say
that young crustaceans have to be put
in the sea almost as soon as hatched
and they begin to feed voraciously
They are born with sense enough .tc
know that Holsters make deliciou.
food, and they attack one another
savagely and hungrily. For few
days they swim on the surface, where
they find the food suited to their early
requirements. Here their destruction
is enormous. In few days the lob
ster's walking or crawling member:
are developed. and he sinks to the bot
tom, where he makes his home.