Morning journal and courier., 1889-02-02
NO. 28

The Lowell Citizen says there is a powder to make hens lay, and wants something to stop roosters from growing before breakfast There is a powder that will do this-gunpow- der with little shot on top.-Boston Com. mercial Bulletin.
 Nexta-Wife-"Isn't this strange? The paper says North Penn locomotive engineer left his house to be shaved a month ago and has not been seen since." Husband (absent- ly)-"Um; waiting for his turn, probably" Philadelphia Record.
 A scientific paper wants houses built of sslow-burning material" The kindling wood man gets hold of when he is in a hurry to make a fire in the morning is gene- rally of that kind of material, but it would make quaint-looking house.-Norristown Herald.
 Old James Brown Stone-Nore moneyi Why, Jack, I'm astounded. When I was 20 I lived on $15 week.
 Jack Stone (modestayG yGThat may be. father; but you know you didn't marry until you were forty, and suppose rve inherited your 40-year-old habits.-Puek.
 "How did you get along at school to day, Tom?" asked the old man at the supper table.
 "Papa, our physiology says that conversa- tion at meals should be of pleasant C,,srao- ter" replied Tommy. 'tLet's talk about the minstrsls. ."-Terre Haute Express.
 St. Peter--"I'm afraid you can't enter here. sir" New Spirit-"I can't? Why I was one of the purest Statesmen that ever lived. Didn't spend thirty years of my life de- handing an honest count!' ';Yes, but you always wanted the other party to do the hon est counting. g."-Philadelphi Record * Trombone Publico.-First eminent physi- oian-"But Herr Windygratz has gout-his lungs are as sound as possible. Why did you tell him not to play the trombone for six months?" Second eminent physician "Because, my dear sir, Herr Windygratz occupies the chamber next to mine. funny Folks.
 Young MT. Porcine-"Didn't young Mir. Wabash, Miss Breezy, board here not long sincea" Miss Breezy-"Yes, but he left some time ago. We all liked him so much. He was such a gentlemen-so quiet and re- fined ill his tastes-but he jumped his board two months ago, and we haven't seen him since. ."-New York Sun.
 Miss Heardit-"I want you to come into the anti-gossip club, Helen. With the ex- ception of our president, that Miss Galbraith, you know, who did slightly unconventional thing at Newport last summer, it is the most Ehbrout-'Do tell me about Miss Galbraith, dear" (And it was told. )-Tinle.
 He was lying in front of the store door when the merchant came out, and stirring him up with the toe Of his boot, said: "Are you drunkp "You bet" "Then you move off from here." "Are you drunkl' queried the inebriate. "No, I am sober," was the indignant response. ''Then you can move off here (hic) sight easier than I an."-Texas Siftings.
 First citizen-"Hello, Robinson! Home again from the torrid zone-and bronzed like an Indian. How did you enjoy your trip to the coast of Africa?" Second citizen ''Disgusted. had no sooner stepped ashore than native, swathed about the loins with an old shawl, stepped up and asked me if I had read Robert Elsmerep Burlington Free Press.
 Miss Clara-Is that new ring you have on, Ethela It strikes me l have seen it be- fore.
 Miss Ethel (blushing)-Yes. Clara; young MT. Paperwate presented it to me last night. have accepted him.
 Miss Clara-Oh, indeedl Pm so glad. Ac- cept my best wishes. I thought that ring looked strangely fsmilar.-Life.