St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-12-22
Why the
Doctor
Laughed.

and Wabasha yester-
day, looking the very picture of cheer
fulneSs. The change in his manner was
noted by passing friend, who stopped
to inquire the cause for the unwonted
smile that played across the usua lily
placid features. 81 am just waiting for
this town to commence sneezing," said
the doctor. "What harvest it will be
for US poor fellows who are actually be-
ing starved out by the diStreSsingly
healthy condition of this city. Do you
know that st. Paul is the worst place in
the world for doctors and undertakers?
People complain of our fees. but we
have to charge high to make up for the
lack of patients. Now, for illustration,
there is ALECK RAMSEY. He and
have been here together for about
forty years, and during all that
time he has never had occasion to take
dose of physic. Look at Gen. JOHN
SON. Col. ALLEN, JOHN B. Cook, BILL
MURRAY, and all these old timers; how
in the world is doctor going to make
living out of such men? They never
get sick, and they have perpetual lease
on life with the privilege of renewal.
But just wait until this Russian inf1u-
enZa, or HARRISON sneeze, strikes the
town, and you will see those old fellows
Smelling out for doctors bills. No, 1t
Will not kill them, but it will scare
them into sending for a doctor, mind if
it doesn't. 1t is not a dangerous dis
ease, but it requires an immense deal of
physic to keep the patient comfortable.
Whenyou are sick with it, you are 81 ok
all over. When a man is only sick in
spots he can worry along without drugs.
but when this influenza hits him, he
goes down as humbly as JOB did wit h
his cargo of boils."
Tribute to the ,..The newspaper is
the only thing l buy
Newspapers. that l am absolutely
sure of not getting
cheated in" was the remark of Sev-
enth street merchant few days ago.
'Wben l buy sugar l expect to get
sand i'm it; when buy milk am apt to
pay for chalk and water; but when I
give five cents for a paper know l am
getting my moneys worth. If l don't
get it any other way l can take out a
nickel's worth of grumbling at the ed
itors. But the fact is that the news.
paper of to-day needs no apology. Its
best examples are marvels of excellence,l
and the poorest of them are so good that
even the chronic grumblers do them
reverence. ! have never seen sheet
so poor that could not get its cost out
of single calculation as to the relative
quality of the white paper and the.
brains spread over it. / never read a.
paper that did not see something that
/ had never come across before. / am
not referring to items of current news,
but 1 mean that l never read
paper that ! did not have some
new line of thought suggested to
me by something that | saw either in
the news columns or in the editorial
discussion on the topics of the day. The
busin ess notices and the advertisements
always interest business man, as they
are attractive to the great mass of read
ers. The personal gossip, which tells
of births, marriages and deaths; the
clippings which reflect public senti-
ment in other sections, are things that
we must know about, and we can't hear
of them in any other way than through
the newspapers. When / think of the
immense machinery Employed in news
paper making, and of the vast cxpendi-
ture of money and brains to get all this
stuff and to put it into readable shape,
I foil Won q upwsrapar ic dirt ohaan at
FIVE cents copy. Yes, sir, the news