The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-11-07
WISE AND OTHER WISE.
allow do you decline man, aunty =
'I'm afraid [ couldn't. child.n

WISE AMI OLhEh WISE.
allow do you decline man, aunty =
"rm afraid couldn't, child"
Beecham's Pills cure bilious anl ner-
vous ills.
First barrel-"Well, what kind of
time did you have ?" Second BARREL
Shaving = .. us
80 Brown has married fortune tell
er ?" Yes" docs she make him a
good wife ?" "Well, | should say me-
dunn one"
"Uncle Rastus, were the chickens you
stole last night fat ?" "De man wat says
stole 'em breaks de truf all up Dey
wuz de poorest fowls cher saw, boss
The funny man sits at his desk all day,
And works ia a silent, industrious way
And out in the woods the squirrel light
Is gathering chestnuts from morn till night,
Washington Capital
Friend of star actress Speaking in a
professional sense)-"Doesy your husband
support you ?" Star actress (wearily)-I
mo; l support him, together with sew
eral of his relatives"
How do you like my verses that ap.
peared in the Weekly Refuse P' Very
well, except as to the fact that they were
trifle equity" "Gouty ?" Yes +; lame
in the feet, you know"
Ignorant Maiden-"Mr. Marshare
must be model husband. "Why SOP"
HE is so attentive to other women, you
know, he must be q perfect slave to his
wife. boston Transcript.
mister Moderator, in consekens of de
full attendus at dis mee,in', | moob de
meetin' next Wensday ebenin' am post
poned to dis Monday ebenin' for de
choice OBJ directors. Epoch
There is no abstract excellence in
early rising-all depends on what you
do when you are out of bed. 1t would
be better for the world if some people
never got up.-SpiUey, Kan, Lnde1
An eastern man adverlises for "a boy
to open oysters with reference" Oys-
ters do not generally obtain references,
but millions can truthfully testify to the
miraculous power of DR.. Bulls Cough
Syrup.
Sarah is certainly little duck of a
darling !; but what she sees in that fool
of doctor can't understand" You
don't seem to recollect that where there
is a duck there will also be found a
quack."
Mr.. Acknowledgement are you going
to do with that knitting ? l thought you
were going shopping. Mrs. McCorkle
so | am, but | want TO utilize the
hours. ! shall spend while waiting for
change"
Nobody knows what l suffered for
years with those terrible racking sick
headaches. Life was only torment to
me if you are so troubled, would adj
wise you to use Sulphur Bitters, for they
I cured me.-Clara Belle. 4lt2
Drug Clerk (briskly)-'Insect powder.
Yes, ma'am. Here's some Swedish in
sect powder that's highly recommended. :"
Customer-"I don't know whether that
will answer. Mine are plain American
insects. '-Drake'S Magazine.
1t is very sweet on him. "Nnat does
the love-bee say to his sweetheart n
asked the snake editor. II am not ac-
quainted with the language of insects,
replied the horse editor. What does
he say p He says, % honeycomb to
me-"
1t was once supposed that scrofula
could not be eradicated from the system
but the marvellous results produced by
the use of Ayers Sarsaparilla disproves
this theory. The reason is, this msdi-
cine is the most powerful blood-purifieI
ever discovered.
"Shall l Wind the clock, vadder p
asked young Jacob 1saacstein, as they
were about to close the store. mo,
said the old gentleman with sigh, "piz.
ness vas too bad. Choost let it alone
Jacob, und We will save the wear and teal
on the veels. MORRISON Times.
Conductor, what was that p asked
nervous old lady as the wheels of thu
coach made little more jar than usual
1--WE went over few frogs just then,
he replied. Most likely squashed thu
poor things too," she said, with a tremol
in her voice.-DetrOit Free Fress,
Il see," remarked Mr.. Phunnymar
again, that the great powers are max
ing a meal of Africa" I'm what wayP
why, they have swallowed nearly al
of her territory but the Sahara, and Tur
key wants to gobble that" Wants tn
Sahara What for P" Dessert. Phil
ddelphia Press.
Fitzboodle-"Now that you consent t.
be mine, darling, letus be married soon
Belinda-"Oh, no, dear, let us wait tw
| years az ledSJ. fllZDOOulo-'l wv
years Oh. you don't mean it > Belin
da-"Yes, indeed, do. Please, pleas
let me think you perfect as long as pos
! sible. America.
Drunk again, you old brute, " snappe
, Mrs. Snaggles, as her liege lord fell int
. bed at 2 a. m. lot a bit of it, m dear,
gurgled Snaggles, got cold m dear
thash ALL" Gold How on earth coul
a cold put you in this horrid condition.
went into a plashe, m dear, wher
zhey had beer on draught an l got i
err draught sever'l times m dear
/ Moses Epstein Ito prosecuting attol
ney)-"Vat you amt ter goin' ter PIT
dot key Openheimer on der vitnes
J stand, are yer p Prosecuting Attorne
why, certainly (; he is valuab
> witness" Moses Wy, l wouldn't pr
lieve key under oath. If he said it va
: Chursday and l knew it vas Chursday,
4 should dink it vas Chuesday or Friday
During long sermon one of the qua
tette choir fell asleep. ''Nows you
i chants" said the organist to the soprano
e see if you canticle the tenor" "Yo
n wouldn't dare duet" said the contraltC
t You'd wake him up" suggested ii
e bass. Il could make better pun tina
that as sure my names Psalm, said til
organ boy but he said it solo that n
e one quartette. American Musician.
Interested People.
Advertising a patent medicine in nh