The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-12-14

Will COD1Oho bCtlo AAoOSA w AAAA@ ~
he denounces rum:
There has been a harvest of sin in
this country, enough to make the devil
himself hide his black face under his
wing and weep. Sow saloons and dis
tilleries and breweries, and you will
reap an intelligent and sober peoplem
A wave of surprise is surging over
the congregation at this staggering
proposition. 1t is suddenly arrested as
Mr.. Jones exclaims:
That's one lie, isn't it?"
He has been arguing that drunkard
is good for absolutely nothing. Sud-
denly he pulls himself up with roghu
turn, and with a remorsefal exprs
begs the drunkard's pardon:
There is one thing a drGnkaru IS
good for" he cries, land tna' Is 70 90
to the legislature of tbe state Oh ne"
York and to congress
Here are sop| extracts taken at
random from the Round Lake dis
..Noboxy but an Internal scoundrel
coils ,xIm, and nobody but an Internal
foo, drinks it, and if you can put it any
sSronger than that without cussing,
just write it out. | won't cuss myself,
but l will go to the fence and look
over into the place where they do it.
Il can't afford to lie. With some of
you little fellows down there it don't
matter much, but if l lied they would
publish me all over the country.
Il have the same objection to the
liquor dealer that have to certain sort
of vermin. / object to where it gets
its living-off the heads of families.
when you put hounds on the track
of the rum traffic it will be freed in
hell. believe whisky is good thing
in its place, but its place is in hell. Ii
I wero in hell would want to drink
whisky all the time.
"You red-nosed Methodists and
Baptists, do you want to go to heaven?
What would you do in heaven with
such a nose? You would be going
around among the good sisters for
whitening every morning to whiten it!
eff there is any high license man
here trot him out. Let him get up on
his hind legs, and l promise you the
next time he hits the ground he will be
going at the rate of mile a minute.
"Give me the devil for president
with his minlons as cabinet officers and
no whisky. Without whisky they
would have to resign and go back to
| hell.
"As long as we have whisky we will
run the devil out of the country, like a
dog l saw running hog once-the dog
in front
"Some of you don't like to be talked
to so plainly, some of you little fellows.
Why, a fly could stand on your nose and
paw you in one eye and kick you in
the other. You beg to differ with rod
Almighty, do you? Why, you can see
through such little thing as a keyhole
with both eyes at once and not be cross
eyed at that!
'Round dancing is nothing under
God Almfghty's heaven but hugging
set to music. The dancing business is
based on the sexes. There amt boy
in America who would go across the
street to dance a stag dance.
Il would rather be Sam Jones than
Ben Harrison; my job outlasts his.
When they turn the rascals out-and
they name them right will be in.
Il never heard person, living or
dead, that could pray like my grand
mother. She could make the angels
come down quicker and stay longer
than anybody ever knew"
1t is pity to be obliged to part com.
pany with Sam Jones upon so brief an
introduction. He has a good deal tc
say about himself and yet does not seem
to cross the borders of good ste. For
a man who talks much he says little
that is wearisome. Without being
positively theatrical he utilizes his
arms, pushes his fingers through his
hair and manipulates his voice SO that
most striking effects can be secured.
1t is not exaggeration to say that the
pulpit has no more characteristic,
original and interesting figure. Like
one of the springs at Round Lake, he
never runs dry.