, 1889-06-19
A FEW POINTS OF ETIQUETTE.
Advice Easy to Remember to and Prac-
tIce In an Emergency.

Advice Easy to Remember to and Prac-
tIce In an Emergency.
In the mad whirl of the cotilon, if
you wear ready made clothing bought
from an irresponsible dealer, and hear
a b-z-z-t hat don't harmonic with the
F string on the bass fiddle, it is entire
ly correct and proper TO not forward
and back" according to the command
of the figure caller, but to back
straight ahead without baking until
you reach the wall, when a pin neatly
utilized may cover your embarrass-
men and retreat. People who smoker
under such circumstances should be
put outside the pale of good society.
When invited out to dinner and you
inadvertently get a huge mouthful of
mince pie that is hot enough TO melt
the solder off a gas pipe, tangled up
in your epiglottis, do not act as if you
had the whooping cough, but arise
calmly and with a straightforward
movement toss the offending morsel
behind the majolica dog in the corner,
meantime patting his head rs though
you thought him alive. This grace
full act never fails TO win the heart of
your hostess, who thinks you intend
her faithful friend TO partake of the
festivities.
Some writer on etiquette, a good
many years ago, said that it was per-
fectly proper TO cat fried chicken with
the fingers. i have often noticed
people seize on a wing and rip it open
like they would tear a yard of cloth
ing material off a bolt of calico, and SO
the cracking of the crazy bone was
audible all over the dining room. 1t
is true that some fried chickens re-
quire heroic treatment, but when an
apprentice in etiquette tries TO jerk the
goose flesh off tho second joint of a
Louis XIV hen and squirts n steak of
gravy into the eye of his neighbor, it
does seem that n new code regarding
the best manner of shattering the re
mains of n hard boiled fowl should be
introduced.
When the sheriff of the county
serves n subpoena on you, it is consid-
cred in good taste TO attend his recep-
ton without further invitation on his
part. Some sticklers on p~oliteness,
however, who find that it will prevent
their witnessing n ball game, go to the
extreme of sending around a physi-
clans certificate to the effect that they
are i~ndisposed from the influence of
the sportive element.
Don't use snuff if your false teeth
are not strictly adhesive. / once heard
of n a s. where this rule was not OBJ
served, when the transgressor, in q
thoughtless moment, nearly knocked
the eye out of a $25 King Charles
spaniel.
No one but n boor will snore in the
VolapuX language in n church where
a sermon is being delivered in Eng
lish. Observance of the harmonies is
one of the greatest traits of the true
gentleman. People who have enlarg.
ed Romanesque nasal chords will be
Interested in an invention which a
friend of mine is getting up, which he
calls the Sure Shore Killer" 1t is a
phonetic arrangement connected with
apillow sham holder, and when the air
vibrations are four lines below the clef,
TO use n musical term, the holder drops
and hits the sleeper across the bridge
of the nose. -Four caveats and n num-
Der of legal retainers have already been
filed.
Don't play practical jokes on a spitz
dog whose tail is done up like the let
ter @.
When you order meat from your
butcher don't ever use the term limb
of mutton" He will think that you
never intend paying for it.
In all cases of doubt about the mi
o points of etiquette u strong bluff on
Il weak hand will almost always win.
Rochester Union.