The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1889-06-21
Mr.. AND MRS. eoWseR.


Tn which Mrs. Bowser Comes 10 the
Front Usual.
l had a caller the other afternoon when
Mr.. Bowser came home, and after she had
gone he asked
"How long was Mrs. Blank herer'
"About half an hour"
"And you talked about fashions, sup
poser
"Yes, mostly; what should we talk aboutr'
"Mrs. Browser, did It ever occur to you
that there was anything in life beyond mil
linery and dress goods and dressmakersf'
"Howr
"Howl Why select some subject of sense
art science, mineralogy, the labor ques-
tion, or self government-and discuss IL with
calmness and Justice, and learn something
worth remembering for half an hour You
women folks might as well have been born
with pumpkin ON your shoulders in place Of
a head.p
made no reply to this, but determined TO
catch Mr. Bowser In his own trap before thu
week was out Fortune favored me. IL was
only two days before IA neighbor called over
as he was at work In the back yard, and for
two long hours those men sat down on lad
der and discussed the question whether back
gate should open inwards or outwards, and
the advantages offered by either situation.
Mr. Bowser contended for the gate opening
outwards, and the neighbor for the opposite,
and the discussion resulted in Mr.. Bowser get
ting red clear back Of the ears and jumping
up to exclaim;
"Well, let's drop the subject right here.
There can be cranks on alley gates as well as
on politics aud religion"
"And there can be lunatics outside of the
asylums," hotly replied the neighbor
Don't call me a lunatic"
"And don't you call me crank"
go home and hang your old gate to the
moonln
"Tn hang it according 10 the rules of COM
mon sense, and don't you forget it.n
When Mr.. Bowser came In 10 wash his
hands observed:
"Mr. Bowser, did II ever occur to You that
there was anything in life beyond hanginga
back gater
He replied with a "humphw of disgust
Select some subject of sense, Mr.. Bowssr
art, science mineralogy, the labor question
or self government-and discuss it with calm
ness and Judgment and learn something worth
remembering for half an hourn
He looked around in desperate, helpless
way, and put on his hat and went Off with
out a word in reply. I wasn't going to let
him off on that, however When he came
home that evening had Mrs. Orfendorf over
the table queried;
Doesn't it strike you that Germanys poll
cy on the Samoan question is one of concilia-
ton instead of aggressionY"
ut certainly does, )" she replied, "but there
may be a hidden motive behind this seeming
submission. Trace the record of the man
back as far us you will, and his policy has
been either aggression or strategy"
Mr.. Bowser looked from one 10 the other
Of us In astonishment.
II notice." said l, as passed the biscuits
that the Spanish colonial policy is working
towards a radical change. Incited by the
example of other and stronger nations, it is
about to extend its arms and enfoh new pos
sessions"
The stare that Mr. Bowser favored me with
made my flesh creep
II do so hope you can come down to the
next meeting of the Woman's Scientific, Po-
Htical and Literary club,n said Mrs Orfen-
dorf, she toyed with her Strawberries
Those gatherings are very, very interesting.
At our last meeting we discussed the Drift
Period and at the one next week we shall
discuss Two Proposed Amendments to the
Constitution of the United States'"
"Oh, I'd like to go ever so much, and I
think l can promise you will be there Can
Mr.. Bowser come, tool"
w ell, uuIuly. Men take Sucn nttle inter-
est in such things that they are obstruc-
| tions."
And Mr.. Bowser sat there turning red and
pale by turns, until his chair grew so hot that
he had to pretend a headache and get ex-
cused. anticipated an awful tragedy after
my visitor took her departure, but Mr.. Bow
, ser contented himself with saying:
| snow that that shallow pated, long nosed
: old nuisance has finally taken her leave, let's
| go to bed"
! He regained his assurance after couple Of
days, however. was talking to our 2-year-old
baby, and talking as all mothers talk, when
( Mr.. Bowser flung down his paper and ex-
claimed
"Mrs, Bowser, you make me tired talking
/ to that young un that way. No wonder so
many children grow up to be sap headed.n
"How shall talkl"
Talk sense-the same as you would to an
adult. He's old enough to understand, and 1
believe he will appreciate it,"
very well; I'll try"
"Thank you. It's more than expected
you'd do"
The trial came that night. We had scarcely
got TO bed when baby awoke and began to
whine. He had got cold and was feverish.
'Now, Harry" began, "snug down and
try to go to sleep It's nothing serious, and
/ opJect TO being kept awake"
! He howled more Justify
my son." | continued, this exhibition
of ingratitude astonishes me, and insist
that you change your course of conduct at
once or leave my house. Filial respect if
! nothingn-
"What in thunder and blazes are YOU talk
! ing aboutp roared Mr.. Bowser, as he sat up
/ in bed.
| "I'm talking sense to BABY
'Not by jug full, you ain'tm
"Then you try it,"
I'm try it by wringng his neck II he
doesn't shut off steaml He's bowling out of
spitel"
| Then warn him that you may be COM
| pelled to inhict due chastisement, but do 1t
calmly and dramatically"
81 | ~
That's what Mr.. Bowser said as he jumped
out of bed and disappeared into the spare
room, and that was the last | saw of him un-
til morning.-Detroit Free Press.
!