Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-08-01

Bobby grew Impatient AT the table,
He had been cautioned by his mother to
eat sparingly, and to say s'thank you"
when anything was passed to him. The
older ones demanded SO much attention
that Bobby got very little. 'sMa," he
whispered after time, chow can I eat
sparingly and say thank you if I don't
get anything a"- Binghamton Repub-
ican.
LAUDABLE OBJECT.
Miss Honeycomb-Oh, Mr.. Macinus,
won't you please send me couple OF
your photographs
Mr.. Macinus (highly dattered) why,
certainly; with pleasure. But won't one
be sufficient
Miss Honeycomb-Well, / should Like
to have as many as possible. l belong
to the $50 Forward Band,'' and we are
sending out lot of pictures to amuse
the little Indians. - The Argosy.
WHAT SHE LIKED.
"What do you like best2" said Mr..
Dify Dent to his girl, as they stood to-
gether at the soda counter.
"Oh, l like ginger alel" she an
swered; ''and champagne. ANY thing
that -that-that -"
She didn't finish, but she blushed;
and Diffy popped that night.
DAMPENER.
Mr.. Bertie-Do you like the engage
ment ring, dearestl
Miss Gertie Yes, it is Just splendid,
and so different from what the others
have given me- Epocb.
A NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
Mrs. Michigan-H How kind your hus-
band must be to give you such love OF
a bonnet.
Mrs. Prairie-My dear, he paid the
bill under the impression that it was
flower garden. Il Chicago Journal.
SUBJECTS EXHAUSTED.
Little Alice-Oh, dear, Tn afraid if
Mrs. Blank don't go pretty soon we
won't get our ride with mamma Amt
her call most over2
Little Dick-I guesso. Mamma is
talking about the second girl now, an
there is only the nurse an the janitor
left. - New York Weekly.
HE smENcED THE BARBER.
Kutemoff-A man in your line down
in our town got up an ingenious thing,
said the stranger, as he leaned back in
tho barber's chair Mt the hotel to have
his face scraped, after having his hair
cut. 1t was n machine to blow the loose
hairs off customers neck. 1t worked
like charm, and did the work OF half
dozen men.
BaIber-Yes and turned half dozen
men out OF work.
Kutemoff- Yes, that's why the BARRIERS
had him boycotted.
Barber-And made him lay up his
machine.
Automobiles. That is to say, for
awhile. But he got ahead of 'em in the
end. He Just put little onion juice in
the machine, and as it stood behind him
the customer never knew the difference,
you know.
Barber grunts "H'ml" finishes in
silence, slaps off the towel viciously, and
calls out {" Next in the voice of man
who has killed his grandmother and is
now yearning for the blood of the rest
of the family Boston Transcript.
AN APT CHARACTERIZATION.
"They say Wildboy is settling down
and bids fair to become great legal
light"
"Ah, yes; a sort of gas fixture. =
Bazaar.
SHE GOT IT.
They were sitting on the piazza that
faced the sea watching the white-sailed
yachts as they crossed the moon tracks,
when he suddenly said
II think it must be delightful sailing
on such lovely night.
sOhl lovely, | should think.
81 wish | owned yacht for your sake.
l would take you sailing every night.
"That would be just lovelyl"
"What kind of yacht would you
prefer-a steam yacht or a sailing onei"
81 think" she murmured, as she
glanced around, 81 think would like
little smack.
She got it, Boston Courier.
SLOW PROGRESS OF THE GAME.
A young man we'll known in society
circles, who has billiard-room in the
house, was one evening teaching young
lady. in whom he was somewhat in
terested, to play. The small boy of the
family went up to view the game, but
was evidently not greatly pleased with
its progress and soon came down. Some
one of the family asked him how the
game was going on, and he said "The
game is not going on at all. Uncle -
is not playing at all; he is just standing
there holding Miss Is hand. That's
all he's doing, and don't think there's
any fun in that sort of o game In
dianapolis Journal.
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