davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

tablespoonfuls melted butter. ono cup Of
sweet Harlem milk, two cups OF flour. two
spoonfuls of baking powder. q little salt.
and one-haf teaspoontul OF vanilla. Make
II in three layers and fill in with chocolate
or cocoanut. Bake slowly and eat while
hot The cake itself should be cold, how
ever, when eaten.
You cannot collect change OF a man"
who has tailed to give it back to you for
eleven years. You say thatit was at Spring.
field, Mass. and that the lunch counter
man failed to give you hack the majority
of a two-dollar bill when you bought only
a hard boiled egg. You should have done
the way a man did who bought the plate of
beans at the same place ana nad to lose his
change or his train. He telegraphed the
proprietor collect that he thought that
was h-of q price for beams" until it
cost the lunch counter twenty dollars. and
then he got his change. Mr.. Dayey was
getting a rapid, stand-up meal one day at
Springfield during that reign of terror.
and saw that the proprietor did not intend
to give him his change for two dollars. SO
while friend engaged the genial and ur-
bane coId-tongue purveyor to the Queen in
conversation Mr.. Davey gently slid his
hand under an adult custard pie. Then as
the train was about to start Mr.. Davey
casually called the attention Of the hard
boiled egg founder. who looked suddenly
around only to receive the entire pie IN his
face. By the time he had combed the GUS
ta-d pie crt of his long and luxuriant whis-
kers the train had reached Boston. SPRING
field now has. however. I am happy to say.
good lunch counter, where one and all
are welcome.
There are some more letters vet unan-
swered. and everybody is cordially invited
to add to the stock already on hand. am
only too happy to shed Information. Write
early and avoid the rush. BILL NYE.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07
Knows All About COrks.

The queerest hobby on record is that
in which DR.. Hammond interested an
indolent patient in order to occupy his
mind.
"A man once came to me-" said the
Doctor, "who was suffering very Sc
verely from having nothing to do. He
came to me bewailing his state of
mind. I have nothing to interest me
in life,' he complained. I have an
abundance of means, and my money is
SO invested that I have nothing to do
but cut the coupons off my bonds, and
there is no trouble to take care of it..
I have nothing in the world to interest
me or occupy my time. I have been
gradually becoming low-spirited and
melancholy, and l shun society. If
you can give me something to live for,
I will be greatly indebted to you
"Itold him to collect bottle-corks, and
he took to the suggestion at once, and
now owns the most wonderful collec-
ton of corks of anybody in the world
probably. He Classics the corks &C.
cordiDg to the character of liquor their
bottles contained, and the countries
from which they come. He has be-
come a marvellous expert, and his col
lection deserves to be exhibited in the
National Museum. He will pick up a
cork in the street and at once tell that il.
came from bottle containing such and
such q wine, and from such and such q
country.
~Of course, that mans mind cannot
be of a very high order to be satisfied
with doing nothing but collect bot
tie corks, but the occupation is
sufficient for him. What he has ac-
complished, however is really remarka-
BILE, and he has the satisfaction of
knowing that he knows more about this
line of study than any other living
man. "-Wdshington Post.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

bury the furs. Just as the man did his
clothes. no doubt, after he killed and skun
the animal from which he procured them.
DoRKIN's LANDING, Sept. 30.
Last evening. during a crowded perform
ance OF Pat Rooney's great comedy, The
Scared Dog. lady in the upper left hand
proscenium box was heard to laugh inn
moderately. and then turn purple. She
was taken to her home. where it was founf
she had laughed SO heartily that she had
swallowed the plaster ceiling of her mouth
together with nine front teeth. On remov-
ing the vitals this morning tbs teeth and
French roof OF the ladys mouth were found
hung upon the walls of her stomach. She
has since died.
Hundreds of men who never went to the
theater here before are engaging seats for
their wives tonight.
Ella W. N. T., the poem you alluded to
closes with the following stanza:
fused to dream in all these years.
OF patient faith and silent tears,
That loves strong hand would put aside
The barriers of place and pride
Would reach the painless darkness through,
And draw me softly up to you.
But that is past-if you should stray
Beside my grave, some future day,
Perehance the violets DER my dust
Would half betray their buried trust,
And say, their blue eyes full OF dew,
nhe loved you better than You knew.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07
The True Inwardness of loot.

know of lady who is very mad al
her husband because he fell in with the
boys few nights ago and went out on
"toot." presume it is unnecessary
to explain here what "toot" is. Near
~ every full grown male adult in the
world had "toot" or two in his life,
and would be inclined to suspect the
man who would plead @not guilty" to
that impeachment. A "toot" is neces.
sarily something riotous. To be frank
"toot" means strong drink, cards per-
haps, front row in the varieties, may
be a supper after the opera, and al.
ways a hack ride in the small hours.
In the abstract "toot' is very wrong.
1t is degrading and pernicious-a
shameless sort of folly, in short, that
correct morals can not and should not
openly countenance. But it is natural,
and I want to say to this much offend
ed wife that in the majority of times a
"toot" is good thing for some men.
Its consequences are remorse and
shame. Any good man who goes off
on "toot" at long intervals-say once
or twice year-always loves and re-
spects the purity of his own home
more after the "toot" than he did be-
fore. The gilded bad things he sees
and does on "toot" are sure to suffer
by comparison with the virtue and
dignity of his home and that of itself
is sufficient to make him very much
ashamed of his folly and very tender
and regardful of those his conscience
is sure to tell him he has wronged.
Besides, "toot" gives him the head
ache and fills him full of good resolves.
I do not want it understood by what 1
have written here that I indorse "toot-
ing" On the other hand I regard it
as something that is essentially degrad-
ing and vicious. merely claim that
there are worse things than "toot,"
and occasionally "toot" is excusable.
For example, when a man is detected,
when sorrow has cast him down, when
misfortune has given him the blues OF
ennui seizes him, it is not so bad after
all to seek surcease in "toot" And
l want to say again that the married
man who "toots" occasionally is not
half SO dangerous citizen as that one
who, while observing the most correct
habits, forgets his wife and his home
all the time to make diligent love to
other women and goes through society
wolf in lambs clothing, doing what
harm he can in any home without COM
junction under the guise of immacu-
late responsibility. 1 think the wife
to whom 1 refer in this case ought to
forgive her husband without further
agitation. I am sure he will not 90
footing" around again very soon, and
this one "toot" has only served to make
him ashamed of himself and to increase
his respect and love for the purity of
his home circle. Forgive him. He
knew what he did, but the old boy
hadn't had racket for such q long
time that he couldn't help it.-Louis.
Uille Truth.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

It was the first time that Westminster
Abbey had been successfully used as q
dead wall for advertising purposes that We
know OF. Shakespeare shoull have been
where he could have seen it. 1t would
have tickIed William a good deal
Laura McCusick writes to know who was
the author of An. Autumn Vagary." and
also to know if We will reproduce it.
The Autumn Vagary" was written by
Nina May Funkhouser, of Rays Crossing,
Mo. She was also the author OF The Nup-
tial Nightmare; or. Skeered to Death at
little epic entitled Lines on the Death OF
Peleg Pangborn, Who Was Drug from His
Bed at Night and Kicked to Death by a
Coarse Man. Nov. 3. 1880" A tinge of sad
ness runs through all of her best work.
give below the poem asked for by Miss
McCusick:
AN AUTUMNAL vAGARY.
BY NINA MAY FUNKHoUsER.
Oh, the autumn leaves is falling-falling here
and there
Falling in the atmosphere, and likewise in the
They're falling Ger the graves of kings, and DER
the painters tomb,
They're falling in the morning tide, also the
afternoon.
The autumn leaves is falling falling to and
Falling DER the widows heart that beats so sad
AID low;
They're filling on the bridegroom that dwells in
beauty's bower,
And also on the bride herself, and the preacher
in his power.
Oh /! the autumn leaves is falling falling on the
lawn
And falling where the grass is green, and falling
where she's brown
They're falling in the twilight's hour, and fall
ing in the dawn
Oh! the autumn leaves is falling-falling pro
and con.
Then let US each and every one be up to duty 8
call,
For we are like the autumn leaves, and falling
one and all;
For hope is but the feeble moan that pierces to
the sky;
Then let US love each other here till gathering
hours above.
Rays Crossing, Mo. [etc., etc.l
Thought maybe you could use this scmeway,
and hope you will. JAMESIE.
Usual Dennis, of Saco, Me-, writes to ask
about the prospects of locating the Worlds
Fair. DO you think Chicago will get away
with it or not? am very anxious to know.
for | can hardly go to Chicago. but could go
to New York"
The question is a serious one, Mr.. Dennis,
one that have little to do with. I am above
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07
HOW's THAI

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for
any case Of Catarrh that can not be cured by
taking Halls Catarrh Cure
FL. CHENEY q CO., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known F. j.
Cheney for the last Is years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transactions,
and financially able to carry out any obliga-
tons made by their firm.
West&Truax, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo. Ohio
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale Drug.
gists, Toledo, Ohio.
E. H. Van Hoesen, Cashier Toledo National
Bank, Toledo, Ohio.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken internally, act
ing directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system. Price, 75c. per bottle.
Sold by all Druggists
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

It is a real good piece. think. and you
will find all of it in Current Literature Tor
August The author is unknown.
Tooley Mucky Hi, an intelligent emma
man of Mott street. writes to ask il Driver
Doud Byron was the author OF The Pris-
oner Of Chillon.
He was not. TooIey. but he was the au,
thor of a good thing. and which appeared
in London. 1t was at the time when the
magnificent bust of Longfellow was placed
in Westminster Abbey. Mr.. Byron on
the Fourth of July. desiring to honor his
country and his country's poet. placed q
beautiful wreath at the foot of the bust
and card which read:
s..
Presented with the love and patriot
ism of devout adnirer and true
American by
OLIVER DoUD BYRON.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

do not care to be seen on the street with. l
take great pleasure in giving few of these
to the American correspondent who asks
for Information. O
London makes the mems clothes, and
those tn at We're made there for me have
given to my coachman. He has never
worn them and SO 1 have decided to raise
his wages.
He is proud man and wants his clothes
to fit him. He told me confidentially that
he could get a better fit in a ready-made
clothing store in America than he could at
Poole's in London. il he were measured for
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Snobbs: "Miss Clara, will you be my
wife! Dearest. give me your answer now"
Clara: II cannot decide now. hasty
decision caused my brothers death, and
have learned to be cautious"
Snobbs: "And how did it cause your
brothers death?"
Clara: ''Go read the record of the league
umplres"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

it, and / believe him. II you try to get fit
on an American in an English tailor's shop
you get gloriously left. 1 went to a man on
Regent street who claimed to be "Breeches
Maker to the Queen" and what did get !?
A pair of trousers. be jaw. dear boy" that
would fit nothing but two bushels OF oats.
AS l say, have given them to my coach
man and he does not wear them; for that
reason l have raised his pay.
n. g.. Hohokus. n. il. No, you need
not drape the udder of your Jersey COW
because your sister in Indiana died of milk
sickness. Etiquette neither in America nor
Europe insists on this.
2. No. John Bright never received any
royalty IN his Justly celebrated disease of
,angf your brother that for 50 will send
Z book he requires, viz, How to en-
Sthk opposite sex on So week.
kn[Briggs. East Mcheesport.-1. No,
soPlN not wear tan or fawn-colored
Nm. 1t the new-made grave of your
y 1t might ruin them. Don't let
yoLief get tGe bulge on your better
: 1T. If you are going to give way TO
your sorrow ut the grave and kick around
in the fresh mold or paw up the vegetation.
wear your old shoes.
2. No. / do not think from your descrip-
ton that your late husbands clothes would
fit me-,
3. You can get good visiting card print
ed at this office. The one you incloSe is no
preston as the job printer did who made
it. / can read it easier from the back than
the front.
Early Rose wants to know if any new
shades were shown on the streets Of Paris
CHS summer
There were quite number OF noticeably
new colors to be seen at Worth's and the
Bon Marche, also on the streets. Among
them 1 noticed a new shade OF blue black.
called the Pugilists Retort. 1 also noticed
the egg plant purple and the seed cucum-
Der yellow. There are many varieties OF
green to be seen in woods and silks this
season. among them the ivy green. the bill
ious green, the pie plant green. the envious
green, the spit pea green. the pounded ice
green. the frost-bitten cabbage green. Paris
green. and Seth Green.
OP. B. Muzzy's Fooks asks: Can you
through the columns OF the paper tell why
my long. dark boa has such disagreeable
odor when l wear it in a warm room or
stand with it over the register. and what
had better do to prevent it,"
1t is perhaps needless. p B., to tell you
why the furs have that odor. The~emedy
is the main thing just now. and l do not
think of anything real good for it except to
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07
Major and Miner.

Major Pa9gby-Stay in the East.
Eliza, and be the wife of a major.
Eliza Haw6ns-You are too late,
Major Pangby. I have already made
up my mind to 60 West and be the
wife Of Q miner.-R0chester Budget
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

DO you value the health and comfort OF
your children? Then guard them against
Group by taking hold of that cough or cold
at the start, and relieving the Inflammation
with DR.. Bull Cough Syrup. If they have
the whooplng cough. do what you can to al
levlate their pain by giving them DR.. Buli's
Cough Syrup. All children love it.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Il z folio W i n
q u erie S and an
swers have b 9 9 n
waiting on the hook
ever since my re-
turn from Europe,
an d 1 cheeriully
give them now be-
cause l know how
anxious the wretch
e d correspondent
will be until the re-
ply is printed in this
paper. Inasmuch as
we look to Paris for
all our styles. the
most of which are
made and first worn
nv woman whom we
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Later on, Louis Harrison visited West
mister Abbey and contributed to The card
SO that when Mr.. Byron came in on the
following day to show his friends what he
had done for the great poet. they saw the
following inscription:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

A policeman was wanted to quen . dis
turbance In q New York tenement house.
-s.Run to the nesrest LIQUOR store, said wo-
man of observation. You can always find 9
policeman IN q liquor store" They found
him.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Going to voter' a9ked the furnace 81
am registered all over the house." And the
gas meter replied: 'sWait until the old man
sees how much have registered if you want
to hear music"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

.. 49,
Presented with the love and pa
triotism of deyout admirer and
true American by OLIVER DoUD
BRYoN, oEpopens in Roches-
ter, n. Y, Sept. 8, III his greatest
play, entitled, Across the Con-
tinent.' Do not fail to see it !J6a
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

'What is the difference between a sian
and grocer!H Well, We suppose the diff
ference lies In the iact that the giants weigh
Is heavy and his measure large.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

IMPARTIAL Baptism: Master Ned (to, the
Rev. DR.. Trehern )-"Wished had been here
last night when you baptized the company"
Rev DR.. Trehern-"What do you mean, my
son? l did not baptlze anybody" 'No:
Well, mamma said that wien you came in
last night you threw cold water on every
body.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07
LETTER FROM BILL NYE.
HIS EXPERIENCE WITH A FASHION.
ABLE LONDON TAILOR.

He Buys a Pair of Trousers that Would Fit
Nothing but Two Bushels OF Oats
Byron's Horror-Pie and Retre4t-Some
Correspondents Answered.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

friend, do you attend place of Worship"
Young man-"Yes, sir, regularly, every
Sunday night"
Deacon Jones-"Pray tell me where you
60 to worship"
-"Young man-"I'm On my way to see her
now"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Jake: 81 tell you what, Bob, Stevens
must be getting rich"
Bob: ''You don't say! What business is
he IMP"
Jake: "He's in the trunk business, but
he has 10 sons and they are all baggage men
on the Crescent railrcad.''
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Farmers will find that Salvation Oil is a
sure remedy for frosted feet. All druggists
Keep 1t. 1t is.s old for % cents bottle.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Slang interprets slang. 1t is easy to Sc.
the force of the remark don't be clam
when we think how often the clam is IN tn
sOuD.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

First Book: ooh, how wish had been
''She" instead of being miserable treatise
on geology. Just think how widely should
be sought after if had been "She."
Second Book: eyes indeed, only wish
had Ben Hur."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Tramp: 'Could you give me little t.
eat, MADAME"
Madame: ooh, how lucky! The cook
ing club has just gone, and you can ca
all,
But the tramp had fled.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Consumption.---For the cure of this dis
tres: ing disease, there has been no medicine
yet discovered that can show more evidence
of real merit than Aliens Lung Balsam.
25c., &c., AMI S1.0O bottle.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

We will give 500 reward for any case o
catarrh that cannot be cured with Hail.
Catarrh Cure. Taken internally.
FL. CHENEY & CO., Proprs., Toledo, U
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

The good that men do may be inferred
with their bones, but the collins of some
men are not crowded.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Dennis has dog that smokes cigarettes.
The little whiffet!
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

When Spaniard comes to America and
gets to prefer beer garden to bull fight,
he is on the ROAD to higher civilization.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Some men enjoy the habit so much tina
they would pick their teeth carefully,
they had nothing but soup for dinner.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

The smokers dehght-s'Tansill's Punch. "
You can send abroad for hams, should
the Westphaia.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Briggs: "What would you consider an
ideal marriage"
Mr.. N. Peck: zone where the wife is
dumb and the husband blind"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

A swallow tail-the story of Jonah and tn
whale.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Ascertaining the cause for things IS q
Why's proceeding.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Some girls are so devoted to temperance
principles that they won't wear tight sleeves.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Blinks; "What! Can't keep your en-
gagement with me?"
links (sadly): mo can't. was drawn
on jury this week and couldn't get out of
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Oregon. the Paradise of Farmer.
Mild euuabe climate. certain and ahondans crers Best
fruit eran gas and stock country N the ~osid Full in
farm,tio1 me- Address the Oregon immigration Beard
Port and. OrsGpn.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

Blinks: "Dld you try?'
Jinks: "In6eed did. I tried to make
myself out hopeless ignoramus, but they
wouldn't let me CO."
Blinks: "Great Scott man! The way to
escape jury duty is to act as if you knew
something"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07
r O p s Y
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Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

When Baby was sick, We gave her Csstoria,
Whsn she was Child, she cried for Castoria.
Whan she became Miss, abe chung to Castoria.
When shs bad Children. shs save them Castoria
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-07

w. u. TELEGRAPH C.LLEGE, Wichita.
Kansas. Send for circulars and free railroad
D0eS