The Springdale news., 1889-08-09
DON'T RETURN EMPTY -tlANDED
Bob Burdctte Gives some Private Advice
 to Heads of Families.

tt SbulS IOUuu III d ueSOlttc DOdiN iN4IiS- house on mountain full of black flies and deas or on a sandy beach full of fleas and mosquitoes. If you can stand it the all-beholding sun will have to. It's none of his business anyhow. You arc entitled to a holiday and you should take it, if you die of the eXpe- ricnce What we want to urge upon you just now is tho importance of col lecting little souvenirs of your outing. Bring some thing home with you. Bises of various kinds, stings from bee and bug, scratches and bruises of course you will not forget to bring; they will be provided by the proper insects without the aid of memoranda; don't trouble yourself about them. And don't forget to bring d rcceiptcd board bill. else will you never see your hap pY home again. Bring that, if you have to leave your clothes, which you probably will. Will what? Will bring homo the bill; can't you understand language. But beside these things, which arc less useless than unornamental, encourage your wife and daughters to bring homo lit- tie things for household decoration. An ingenious tourist with plenty of room in his trunks can utilize the woods and sca-shore by making them con tribute lovely collections which a lit tie artistic taste and skill can shape W iutn baattticnl orp.p,nnt-
 Sand, for instance. The colored sands one finds on sca-,horo and mountain side, yellow, brown, white and red, and some intermediate shades ' Fill a lot Of bottles with sand, arraug- ing it in layers of blending and con- tra9ting colors; it will if carefully laid in pretty or oddly-shapcd bottles make pleasing additions 10 bracket and mantel ornaments and remind you pleasantly of the localities where y0u found it, but it's the boss thing for hens in the winter time when scratch- ing is frozen tip. By encouraging your wife and tho girls to make q col- lection of sands, you furnishing all the bottles they want you can get them to bring home enough sand to last u colony of forty hens all winter. And if you feed this sand diocrcetly, and in proper quantities and at right intervals, along about a week bc- fore Easter the hens will begin 10 lay parti-colorcd eggs that will make the hair stand up on rainbow AMI through Lent last wear my hens laid q series of sand-cuIorcd cggs that just made my heart ache when l paid for them, and Easter morning thcy broke tho market with d Tot of riug--trcakcd and epechlcd fruit that made tho rab- bit. tired. I'd show you some if you'd come around, but they are all gone now, and can't remember where wc got the sand. Beside, come to re- member, tho man said there was no moro sand like that on the beach.
 And pebbles. Pick them up on the beach and in the brooks. You have noticed how dim and dingy they look after you get them home That is be- cause they are dry. They'll look bright enough if You live in Pennsylvania. (Joke.) When you get home put the pebbles in vases (pronounced yawzez), and pour water over them; they will shine like gems of the first water which is all the water they'll get, (An- other joke.) These vases will be the haudicst things you ever Saw, or rath- ar ever didn't scc, to upset in the dark when you arc feeling for a match. After they have been once upset they will begin 10 be useful You can pclt tho ucighb0r's dog with them from tho parIor or bedroom window without going out of doors to find rock. You can get the girls to bring home pcb- blcs enough to gravel garden walk by due encouragement Hint that the Dig round ones arc tho moro effective for massing. You can fire them 3traightcr.
 And golden rod and leaves; autumn leaves; pressed fcld-nowcrs and dried grasses. You furnish books and bas- kcts and boxes for pressing and pre- serving, and admire them as fast a1 the girls bring them in, with many notes of joyous delight. You can easi- Iy get home with a dry-gOods box full of them. Then let them hang around on the walls few days, and stand in vases (anothcr kind of vase, but mis- pronounced the samc way) a few diy5 until tho bulrushcs and the golden rod have filled every carpet in the house SC full of fluff and lint that the sweeper clogs, and then you can gather up tho whole consignment and make the dog lhc incest bed in the corner Of tn c woodshcd that a dog ever slept on.
 And sea-wced, oh, don't forget to bring home about a cord of sca-wced with shells clinging to it. Hang a bunch of 1t up in tho parlor. Then, after you have enjoyed a surrepttious cigar in that forbidden room, sprinkle little water on the dried sea weed that gives such a marine effect to the chimney corner, and in five minutes nobody will ever believe that you have been smoking Tn that room. They may darkly suspect that you murdered your landlord a couple of weeks ago and concealed his mutilatcd cadaver under the floor, but you can easily disprovo that by producing the extremely live body of tho landlord next rent day.
 Now go and have good time all summer, but in the midst of your pleas uring emulate that extremely unpleas- ant and disagreeable little busy body, the ant, that haunts old stumps and oft infcsts your trousers legs, by lay ing up your winters store.
 P S.-I neglected to state in the ' preface, and will hasten slowly to sup ply the omission here, that this ad- yisory article should have been marked Private for heads of families" and is not intended for the eyes of the good wife and your charming daughters. They will, therefore, pass over it with