Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-12-02
A tea party-the Chinese.

You say that drinking is one of your
husbands failings? Failings? Oh no. 1t
is one OF his successes.
Why didn't you marry young Squib?
He had good looks, wealth anu every thing
desirable. He never asked me.
Miss Sweetsey-That girl goes to
church three times every Sunday. Miss
Fawksege-Yes. She gets paid To sing in
the choir.
Woman (to tramp)-Ynu seem to have
a good appetite. TRAMP. Yes, madam,
that is all | have left in the world which
can rightly call my own.
Jack, she said in tender voice, l am
really sorry, but our graduating motto
this year was Learn 10 say no, and this
is the first chance have had.
Little Lettie-Will / ever grow as large
as you are? Mamma expect so. Little
Lettie-And viii talk, talk, talk all the
time, too. the same as you do?
Bohby-Mu, I've pretty near outgrown
my slippers, haven't 1? Mamma-Yes,
Bobby. Bobby-And, say, ma, how long
will il be before 1 outgrow your slippers?
First Physician-Did old Coupons
case yield to your treatment? Second
Physician-It did. I treated it six
months and it yielded something like
$1,000.
Young man, do not be deceived Your
best girl doesn't care half 80 much about
your getting II mustache raised as she
does about your getting your salary
raised.
Tramp-Will you please give me some
breakfast? Bllious-Do you see that
wood? Tramp-Yes, | see that wood.
Bilious--Well, you'll say | saw that
wood before you get anything to eat
here
Wealthy old gent-What! marry my
daughter! You are supported by your
father. Suitor-Yes sir, but my father
is tired of supporting me and thought I'd
better get into another family.
Mr.. Hyson-Mr. CIPHER you were alb
sent without leave yesterday. Mr.. Cy-
pher-Yes, sir. l was married very un-
expectedIy, yesterday. Mr.. Hyson-Well
sir, you will please see that it does not
occur again.
Mrs. Sadface to Tommy (who has
stolen a jar of preserves My boy, L
know you are sorry. L see it in your
face. Tommy (meditatively)- man.
II iap IN
the shelf couldn't reach.
What do they do when they install
minister? inquired the small boy; do
they put him in II stall and feed him?
times they harness him to a church and
expect him to draw it alone.
Bilks-Come up and hear our new min
lister to-day. Nobbs-No, thanks
greAted it. Bilks-W by 1 guess you are
mistaken Nobbs-Not u bit of it; he is
the minister who married us.
Burning Shame-First Chicagoan-
l hope congress this winter will do some
thing toward suppressing Mormonism.
1t is u disgrace to our civilization. Sec
ond Chicagoan-It is indeed. The idea
of IA man having to keep his old wife af-
ter he has got new one.
compositor at printing office was
setting in type this verse of scripture :
And Daniel had an excellent spirits in
him. But he made it read. And Daniel
had an excellent spine in him. Mr.. Spur
geon said that it was not much of IL mis-
take. All good men nowadays need ''an
excellent SPINE"
A sick man expressed desire for some
apple dumplings, and his wife made a
dozen. A little son sat by the bedside
watching the dumplings disappear one by
one. After eleven had been devored, the
boy said: Spa, can / have dumplingr
And the invalid, biting into the last or
the toothsome delicacies, said; $50
away, my son; your father is sick"