Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-05-03
LOTS OF LITTLE LAUGHS.

80 = ~ -
Or the safe side-The cashier.
A HEAD gardener-the barber
A FILLY sbuster'- colt that breaks
a record.
SOME men kick against a bill, and
others foot 1t.
Drop a dollar in the charity slot and
pull out blessing.
In Is the noble KentucI1ian who never.
misses the water when the Wen runs
dry.
How GLAD both rich and poor would BE-
When frigid are the days,
If men who deal in coal could see
The error of their weighs!
THE man who "shot at random, not
hitting 1t, has since lent his rifle to the
youth who aimed at Immortality.
Large checks" for ladies' dresses is
an old, old fashion. Ask any man
blessed with wife and daughters.
A PHLADELPHIAN has constructed g
house which he calls a poem in brick
Should 1t ignite from q defective fiue,
would he call it Yersifiar.
WHITE lies may not be SO black as
the other kind; but they are most as
wicked The color line cannot be
The inventor of a new waist attach
! ment" says the continuance Is not harm
full. The old waist attachment, ac-
cording to our recollection, is armful.
TT has gotten so that when two soci-
/ ETY. women vie with one another for the
! palm in personal beauty the race for
| supremacy must be termed meek and
| neck" race.
SISTER We're You at the reception
last night, Harry? BrOther-Yes; for
about an hour. Sister-How We're the
ladies dressed? BrOther-O, about as
usual. Dresses cut V in the back and
@ in front.
Brown producing his scrapbook and
pointing with pride to che of his early
illusions There, read that! Fogg
! (after reading)-Can it be possible,
Brown, that you We're so old as u when
you wrote this
Mrs. GABB-What sort o. folks are
those new neighbors of yours Mrs.
Caldwell, I've been watching their
back yard for two weeks, but as they
send their washing to q laundry can't
tell anything about them.
THE man who first suggested the use
of an X as the signature of a person
] W ILO COull LOJ NL1J6 WIS no lJI1lOSO-
/ pher The fitness of things should have
led him to select the cipher, which as
nautOgraph is eninently significant in
most cases.
/ BRIDE of a day Cto her husband, who
| is doing his best to entertain her on the
/ train DO stop talking q little while,
! John. John (tenderly) is the
| matter, dear? are you nervous? Bride
No, but 1 want to hear what the
women are saying in the seat behind
/ US.
AFRAID ne had 'em again: Mr.. Ram
! DO Cat dime museum, in great aIarm)-
! Nancy, do you see anything In that
cage next to the monkeys? Mrs. Ram
| bO-Yes, there's a lot of snakes. Mr..
/ RambO with recovered self-pOsessiOn)
SO they are. Fine specimens, too,
aren't they?
WIBBLE-Did you attend the anna
/ teur operate performance last night
Wabble-Yes, I had the best seat in
/ the house, No. So Y Balcony. Wibble
Why, it's almost impossible to hear
at all in that part of house. Wabble-
! just so. That's what made that seat
particularly desirable.
EXCUSE me, said the parcel man,
"but / left package here about an hour
ago which should have been delivered
next door" eyes, sir, replied the
girl. "but you can't get it just yet"
why? ?" Because the lady hasn't had
time to undo it and examine the con-
tents. Please call in about half an
! hour"
At DAYBREAK.
Chanticleer in accents shriIl,
Told that morn pesped FER the hills
But young Colin debOnair
Iingered vet with PhiIFia fafr