, 1889-01-23
HIS VERY LAST CIGAR
FIcKLEeYrS DIZZY EVENING AT A
FIVE DOLLAR BANQUET.

He Had In n V and Was Going to Get the
Worth of Bis Money-EverythIng Went
Beautifully Until That Horrid Cigar Got
In Its wicked Work.
at was my last cigar" said Mr..
Fickleby, and, carried away by the flood
Of sad memories, he leaned his head upon
bis hand and wept. You see" said he,
"the fellows In our set determined to
have a banquet, and we've been saving
up since the last Fourth of July. 1t was
10 be a five dollar affair, and for a week
beforehand | lived on husks and abiured
pie. / was determined to eat, drink and
be merry, and l forced myself into a vast
capacity.
1.-THE night came. 1t took me two
hours to dress, but 1t was worth while,
and when looked on myself ut o o'clock
l beheld a glass of fashion and a mold of
form. There must have been fifty or
sixty Of the fellows at the banquet. Be
sides our set there were n large number
of invited guests. 1t was about 10 o'clock
when we sat down, and / was so ema-
ciated from continued and rigorous fast
Ing that l could hardly hold myself
straight.
THAT FLYER sPURRED HIM ON.
81 rarely touch wine, but when / pay
IS for n single meal, when at my board
LAb IlpAlot L Cdu Rtb INGDIy-One IOT IDG
same money, i stop ut nothing. So /
permitted the mental to replenish my
sherry glass as often as / emptied it,
while oysters, bouillon, salmon, sweet
breads and lamb chops vanished behind
my waistcoat. Nor did l permit the
claret to flow past me, but slipped 1t
while ! discussed q tender bit OF beef
with asparagus. / have heard much of
the seductive and insidious influences of
punch, but must say that the punch
we fellows had at the banquet seemed to
me more like lemon Ice cream soda
water than the fiery unframed spirit of
the alcoholic flask.
cigarettes came with the punch, /
may as well confess that I am not an in
veterdto smoker. In fact, two or three
cigarettes n year generally is sufficient to
allay any cravings have for the noxious
weed. But on an occasion like n five
dollar banquet l am possessed to indulge
In h most reckless dissipation, and after
the punch | made away with two cigar
cites. Partridge and n sip or two Of
claret followed. l dealt literally, as is
my wont, with the ice cream and the
cakes, the coffee and the fruits, and when
the toasting began, and the champagne
was poured out, l began to feel glorious.
Tho speeches were capital. Some of
the most learned and witty men / ever
heard answered to the several toasts.
Every man around me was smoking. /
summoned n waiter and bade him bring
me a cigar. 1t was just glorious. Through
the blue wreaths Of smoke l could Just
SEQ the orator flinging out his arms over
tho china n silver. l slipped the spark
ling wine. Everything was happy.
sat md laughed and let my head roll
where 1t would.
THE cigar finished 1 sat back finger
ing my vino glass as l listened to the
speakers about me. Suddenly / felt,
something like n dark, damp green mold
creeping over me. / broke out in a pro-
fuse perspiration. A vague feeling that
l was full of protoplasms possessed me.
A strange power seemed trying to raise
my lungs into my throat. The speech lost
Its brilliancy. l shaded my eyes with my
hand and gazed earnestly at the table
cloth The plates began to move about
strangely. Through the cloud of smoke
about my head came the sound of clap
ping hands. Who had been speaking 1
neither knew nor cared. There was q
wild, turbulent feeling of rebellion in the
region of my diaphragm.
HES UNDER THE TABLE"
Somebody rose and began to speak.
| dared not raise my eyes TO sec him.
The plates swan round and round. How
the damp Precipitation gathered on my
forehead l could endure the suspense
no longer. l felt that something was
about to happen. Without n moments
hesitation l slipped under the grooming
board and began myself to groan In
unison with 1t. 1t may be said that the
cause of our groaning was identical-a
heavy load, If tobacco smoke can be
called a load: l languidly raised my
eyelds and looked around. l saw a
forest of legs belonging to the leading
preachers, doctors and lawyers In town,
a vast forest of legs. / heard more hand
clapping. The legs began to dance, the
table rocked, a chasm opened some
where. Somebody cried, Hes under
the tablet Then there was laughter.
"All at once 1 went to pieces. 1 re-
member nothing ave a confused ap-
pearance of black faces, and wondered
If l was with Stanley. They hauled me
along. 1 tried to think whether / was
Emin Bey or Gerard Fckleby. If 1 was
the former l knew Stanley would rescue
me. II / was the latter 1 knew that I
was not feeling well. Iasked the colored
person who was supporting me, and
whom l believed to be the king of Sene-
gambia, If we were anywhere near the
Congo river. He said something about
Genesee, and l believe 1 argued the point
with him, though 1 am not sure. know
ioOkeu Ut tne noOr just q second, and
when l raised my eyes the stars were
shining over my head and the Their
mometer was below zero.
1t seemed to me that the COMMON re-
ports Of African torridness were all
wrong. looked about for a chair, but
could find none, and was forced to sit
down on the sidewalk. A policeman, /
believe 1t was, came along and tried to
carry on a social conversation with mo.
he was an ignorant man, however, and
failed to follow my train of thought, and
l told him what l thought of him. l re-
member nothing more until 1 found nv
self In bed with a large wet cloth ON my
head. No, | am firmly resolved never to
smoke another cigar."-Buffalo Courier.
An Exclusive Club.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, but them's my
borders. Cawn't admit nobody without