Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-10-31
FUN.


uor-drinking a fool one too.
Never meet trouble half way. II
will reach you soon enough.
The man wh) is given to sober re-
Election seldom gets into tight place.
variety is the spice of life" The
variety-show certainly is to the bald
man.
1t is when man is in the iron grip
of poverty that his clothes begin to get
rusty.
The only office that has to seek the
man is the unsalaried one and which
brings no perquisites.
A man who has cent left after all
debts are paid is like theatrical adj
vance agent-one sent ahead.
Why are rich widowers like the
fashionable trousers?
Because the Cresus are popular.
Glove levels all things" Perhaps
so; but it has been noticed that its
tendency is not to make the head level.
Temperance Orator-What is it, my
hearers, that drive men to drink?
Voice from Back Seat-Salt mack
erel.-Life.
"Young man, shall keep a watch
ON youw
"IIeaven bless you, sirl A gold
onc?"-Society.
People must be very honest in
Natchez. A man up there says his
icehouse will remain open all winter.
New Orleans Picayune.
Acting out the Adage.-"See Miss
Forty dancing so confidingly with
young Downs"
"Yes-old head on young shoulders"
Time.
A New York man has written play
in which the central character is big
Wall street operator in railroad stocks.
Is this another water tank drama?-
Chicago Herald.
Downy-"The umpire at the Bos-
ton-Chicago game today made very
sarcastic remark"
Fleecy-"What did he sayW
Downy-"Play ball"
Gaggs-''How have you been feel
ing since l saw your
Wages (holding up the stumps of
four recently amputated fingers)-
"Well, not much of any, thank you"
81 have made conquest" said the
brick wall.
elbow SOP" queried the stone pave
ment.
can egg was mashed on me today
A Chicago husband and wife both
filed petitions for divorce on the same
day, each without the knowledge of
the other. This was a case where two
minds thought as one after two hearts
had ceased beating as one.-Norristown
Herald.
Excited Messenger-Mr Wiseman,
your house has just been destroyed by
fire.
Venerable Author-Was nothing
saved?
Messenger-Very little. All your
early books and manuscripts were
burned.
Venerable Author-Thank heaven
Chicago Tribune.
Perhaps you are looking for a land
flowing with milk and honey? If so,
YOU should know that only one person
in thirteen can drink milk in any
quantity without becoming bilious,
and only one in eleven can eat honey
having touch of the collie.
Just better stay right here in this land |
and get blue-handled snow shovel
ready for the winter.-Detroit Free |
Press.
Mistress Ito applicant) We'll, Mary, |
you may consider yourself engaged,
but shall expect you to stay in even
ings. No girl is fit to attend to her
duties without regular hours of sleep. |
And nothing is more dangerous to
health and morals than wandering |
about the streets and attending par
ties.
Zone week later, three a. m.) Same
ito same)-"Goodness, Mary, what a
you are! l want you to
that l can't stand outside
half an hour when l come home from
a party. And it's been just so nearly
every night since you came"
ssIs Sir John Lubbock a sporting
MANI" asked Mr.. John l.. Sullivan of
Boston, Mass, U. S. A., the other
day.
ssNo, he's not at all athletic"
"Then he must be billiard or ball
player"
ssNot at ALL"
.Clubman, Ell? Expert at Jocky-
ing or cards? Has he any record as a
pugilist?
ssNo, no, mol What makes you ask
such questions?"
ssThen how on earth could he know