Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-06
NOTES AND NOTIONS.

Tersely Treated.
1T takes our Dunlap to make sudden chang
of base.
GEORGE FRANCIS should now be called
fast Train.
EBELvA says Susan B. is 20 years old. Wa
Belva theref
GEORGE NJ. PULLMAN was a passenger OF
his fast train last night bound for Chicago.
AFTER all the only perfect American ele
vatoris the whisky straight, with no hydraulics
in it.
GOOD summer wether' soliloquizes the
farmer, as he casts q weather eye over his
| flock.
THAT Italian nobleman who wants to sell hi:
title is too sudden. The odor of the last sale
| has not blown over.
and each one is the prettiest sweetest tootsy
wootsy alive, so it is.
MRS. POTTER still insists she is elevsting the
stage. Her idea of eIevsting the stage is in
| lowering the scenery.
ANOTHER Western man has bobbed up who
/ has Is children and asks charity. That man
doesn't need any help.
1T is the unfortunate spring lamb. without
any mint sauce in a Fourth avenue bank, who
has been shorn by "sheers"
BERRY WALL still refuses pay an exorbi-
ranged in line behind him.
THAT Brooklyn police who insists upon put
ting his arms around lone women is a danger
Gus man; he should be disarmed.
STRANGE and startling odors in the streets
| indicate the arrival of warm weather, if not
of the street cleaning department.
THE fatal number l3 appeared again in the
city annals at Central station, and Judge Gripp
meted out to each of the IL just what he de-
served.
DETROIT has originated woman's converse
tional club. but yon can't fool us. Itlooks like
a baseball club, and its conversation is most
potent at A. M.
KILRAIN has developed Sullivan's happy
faculty of tapping the claret''-at dollar a
bottle. There are some hopes of their drink
ing each other to death.
JOHN BURRow fell from the porch Of his
residence on Ella street yesterday afternoon
and sustained a fracture of the thigh. DR..
Clark attended him.
JAIL services were conducted by Rev. E. R
Donehoo, who will continue this month E1-
cellent singing was furnished by ladies from
the Eighth Presbyterian Church.
THE body of John Graham, who was killed
by B. & o. shifter at Glenwood, Saturday, is
still at the Morgue. His friends have not made
any arrangements for its removal.
SUCH tremendous cheering greeted Bob Lin
coins announcement at the London banquet
Il am no speaker" that he didn't have chance
to add, because am my fathers son."
A FREE lecture will be given in the Oakland
Methodist Church chapel this evening at
o'clock by Prof. Jackman of the High School.
Subject, 1.-THE Natural History of an Apple"
OBscURE-Yes, there is a great difference
between the word ''hind" and behind" nyou
ever hunted you would know that the "hind"
is always in front while you, well you are be-
hind.
AFTER that ball the 400 has the big head for
sure, and now, after brief bnt startling glory,
let the 400 drop back into the slot of oblivion,
and cursed be he that moves their unpleasant
bones
CHIEF OF POLICE wYMARD, of Braddock,
arrested Charles Miller upon instructions from
Washington, Pa. He is wanted there for
larceny. The Washington authorities have
been notified of his capture.
NEW YORK will please consider itself 'now
outgrown," along with poor Walter Scott.
Howells has left her for Boston, where there is
no Liberty, no Brooklyn bridge, no 400, no
Mayor Grant no Centennial and no rivalry.
A NEW literary society has been organized
in Lawrenceville called the St Mary's Literary
Society. NJ. E. Golden is President W. J.
Hurley Vice President. Edward Carroll Sec
retary and E. NJ. Behen Treasurer The club
has IS members and meets every Monday night.
tHILARTHROPIST 10 small DOy gong
through wonderful contortions-"what is wrong
my poor lad?" Boy (stolidly)-"The itch"
Philanthropist (horri6ed)-"Why in the world
don't yon do something for it?" Boy (scratch-
ing himself unanimously.w1th both hands)-'I
am, amt 1?"
AMENDMENT meetings will begin in Sails
bury Hall, Southside, tonight w. ]. McCon-
nell and his wife will have charge of the meet
ing and Prof. ]. r. SpeIlman will conduct the
the music. Mrs Warren Huntly and Mrs. r.
H. Jones addressed meeting of the W. c. 7.
U. in Moorhead Hall last night.
YESTERDAY was beautiful time for low
priced clerk to hire high-priced livery rig for
his best girl and drive about town trying TO
impart family carriage air to a hack and horse
about which the odor of last nights drunk still
cling. Its no use. boys and girls; keep that
distang air of hawtoor until you have your own
coach.
Sol CoULsoN has photograph gallery of
beauties that Is well worth examining. 1t is
made up of Just 1000 rogues, each with full |
history of his crimes in a book indexed by Sol,
and the whole forms fascinating study for |
either the scientific OF morbidly inclined, and |
when it is finished will be one of the most COM |
plete rogues' gallery in the country.
NEW wREPoRTER-wen, am on late watch |
this week. City Editor-(who has put him |
there)-Oh, indeed are you? n. R-Yes, and |
want pack Of cards to help pass the time. G. E. |
You will find them in the pigeon hole in the big
desk. N. R. goes away. but returns in half an hour
covered with dust and despair-Cant find 'em. |
looked in every place from that labeled |
sporting" on down to foreign" and rejected"
and there aren't any cards. q. E-You looked |
in all? N R.-All but one c. (which one? |
n. R-The one labeled religious" c. E.
Well there they are.
IT'S A QUEER WORLD.
Something is wrong with this awkward world, |
And things are mixed somewhere:
A girl who's cutest with bangs that curled
Always wears the straightest hair;
The greatest effort of great mans life
Is never made at all;
The wrong man has the wrong mans wife;
And the short girl should be tall;
The biggest fish is the fish that's lost;
A good boy dies in youth;
The things we want are the things that cost,
And the liar tells the truth;
The good things belong to the other chap,
A man who never slipped;
The best of people have least of snap,
And the Wlttiest wit is clipped. Il