Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-09-27
FLASHES OF FUN:
A COLD bluff-Cape Horn.
A TIGHT fit-Delirium tremens.

A COLD bluff-Cape Horn.
A TIGHT fit-Delirium tremens
A CAPITALIST refers to the cradle Of
his six-months- old heir as little boy
cot.
MARRIAGE may not be failure, bHt
there are lots of Mrs. made in matri-
mony.
The lawn-mower is good deal liks
the keeper of bucket-shop; it shavea
the green.
K1LRA1N says daze came over him
after Sullivan hit him. He was lucky
that days didn't pass before he came =
himself.
SMART Attorney You say the even.
ing wore on. What did it wear on that
particular occasion? Witness-Ths
close of day, I presume.
MAN is not the only victim of Tho
combination craze. Even ducks, -
soon as they hatch their eggs, start Il
once to pool their issues.
"QuEER thing that about Baltus,
eh?" "What is it? 1 haven't heard
anything s'Why, he and his wife arc
stopping at the same hotel on the Pier
"Gad the fellow must be crazy"
"AND pray why didn't you put new
buttons on my shirts?" asked q bs-
hemian of his washerwoman. "Sa1e,
sir, because it's meself was thinkiIr
ye'd be afther needin' new shirts ON the
buttons"
VISITOR Gin Chicago)-I should think
you would be dreadfully afraid of burg
lars in a place like this. Hostess
Burglars? Mercy, no. We don't mind
the burglars. It's the police we're
afraid of.
CLERGYMAN Ito sick miser)-My dear
friend, you must prepare for the worst.
Remember that you are about to dia.
Miser-This day starts off fine. When
I think how much the funeral will COST
I want to die.
MAMMA, are there birds in the bad
place." "Why, my child, what do you
mean?" "Teacher told us about tho
birds Of Paradise, and I wondered Of
the English sparrows don't go some
where when they die"
OLD Richfellow desperately If
you refuse me, what is there left for mo
to do? Sweet Girl-Well, read tho
other day about rich man who made
his will in favor of the woman who re-
fused him, and then went out and hung
himself
Mrs. YouNaBR1DE-I hope you will
model your conduct upon that of Mr.
Oldboy. He is a paragon of husbands
Why, he tells his wife everything that
happens. "I'll do better than that, my
dear; L tell you lots of things that
never happen"
BROWN Ito Jones, whom he has OBJ
served to shiver)-Don't you know,
Jones, there is an old saying that If you
shiver it is sign that some one is
walking over your future grave? Jones
is that so? Well, he is liable to burn
his feet if he keeps at it, for have ar
ranged to be cremated.
"YoU must be having q hard time
nowadays" said the weary traveller to
the lovely girl who presided over the
railway lunch. "Why do you think so.
sir?" she said, with naive smile. 'Be-
cause" replied the traveller, "when r
bit into this sanwich noticed that you
do not make both ends meat"
WHEN the rich man worketh. the
poor man saith he ought to be ashamed
Of himself, for that he crowdeth the
poor man out of a job. When the rich
man worketh not, the poor man saith
he ought to be ashamed Of himself, for
that he consumeth while he producetk
not. Verify, the lot of the rich man,
though it be worth 81 900 foot front,
is hard.
TILIAL FAITH.
When first in life started, father gave me good
advice
Regarding things OF which didn't know;
He said the world was very full of danger ana
device;
believe it, for my father told me SO.
A horse race is thing that's mighty good to ID
alone;
| tip is risky-handle it with care
| The man of good address who comes and
strikes you for a loan
Should be told you haven't any cash to spares
| The poker game is festive and the player mus
On ace Zig high one should ever 80 it slow,
But when you once attempt to bluff, stay in
and don't say die
| believe it, for my father told me 30.
Merchant Traveller.