Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-08-29

MRS. lGG-JoHll, UlleIe = IL long rci
hair on your shoulder. And your
sleeve is ripped, too. Mr.. Figg
put the hair on there myself so you'd
notice the ripped place.
"JoHN, this is very bad report you
bring me from school" 81 know, faith
er, but you know you said if | would
bring you frst-class report, you would
give me dollar, and | wanted to save
you that expense"
SIS THERE anything I can do for you?"
asked Mrs. Cumso, tenderly, when her
husband was suffering from seasick-
ness What do you want ?" Il want
the earth, gasped Cumso, as he again
leaned over the rail.
ROYALTY MoRALIzEs.
"ris said his Nobs, the Prince of Wales,
Went up the Eiffel Tower,
And at the top he moraized
(Or so we thiukl-on power.
ALAS y he said. and his remark
Is cynical in dryness.
"Mne is the highness of u mite;
But this is mighty highness."
Philadelphia Press
"HAD row over at your house last
night, didn't you, old man." "Oh no;
not atall. Why do you ask?" Thought
| heard a commotion." "Ah, ] see.
You heard my wife inquiring why I
came home so late. That was all, [
assure you"
HUsBAND-What does the paper say
about the big fire of last night? Wife
reading the morning paper)-It says
the boiler burst, and then the seen e
that followed baffled description. Hus-
band-ls that all? Wife No; two
columns of description follow that.
OLD schoolmate meets Thompson,
whom he has not seen for several years.
Old friendly the way, old man, how
did your scheme of marrying so you
could have someone to talk to pan
out? Thompson-Not so well. You
see that's what she married for too
INvIDIoUs: Mendicant (entering
merchants ofiice)-You haven't got
such thing as pair of old trowser s,
have you?" Mr.. Closeshave-No; I
don't keep my wardrobe in my count
ing house, anyhow Where
do you live, and I'll call around in the
morning for the old pair you have on.
HusBAND-So that rumor about Miss
Giddygirl's eloping with young Fether-
down, is false. They are 10 be married
within month. Wife Gn consternation)
Is that so? too bad; | suppose we
shall have to give Miss Giddygirl a
wedding present, now; she gave us one,
you know Are you sure it is only a
rumor?
Wise Father.
An olcan+ ,,,inJaJ o;+,, ,,,o, ,,ooJ 10
paying five cent fares on the street
cars, went on short railroad journey.
He took out five cents for his fare, in
stead of his dollar ticket, and sat look
ing out of the window, absorbed in
thought, when the conductor came
along, calling, "Tickets, pleasep
Without turning his head the pas
senger proffered his five-cent piece.
"Ticket, sir!" said the conductor,
sharply.
The passenger gazed at him blanllly
for an instant; then, recognizing his
blunder, he muttered, "Ah, absent
minded againl" and politely began
fumbling his hat band for the receipt
check which the conductor held ready
to give him in return for the ticket,
still untouched in his pocket.
But this man was not nearly so alb
sent-minded as the Bostonian who met
his own son down town, took off his
hat in response to the young mans
greeting passed on in abstraction, and
said ut his dinner table that night:
"a young fellow down on Milk street
laughed at me to day when / answered
his bow, and for the life of me | can't
think who it could have been, though
his face did seem familiar"