Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1889-07-12
Volume XLVI.---No. 5.
WIT AND HUMOR.

but frog makes a spring.-Boston
Courier.
Talk is cheap" but can it be con-
sidered so when it costs a man his rep
utation?- Yonkers Statesman.
There are people who pray so hard
that they have no breath left for active
we'll doing. g.-Merchant Traveller.
If the serpent in the Garden of Eden
had been a mouse, the human race
might yet be in state of primeval
happiness. Minneapolis Journal.
Thinskyn-What rare endowment:
is originality! wish could do some
thing out of the ordinary. Friend
Might pay your board bill.-7tn,e.
Blobson-Most women have strange
habit Of talking to themselves. Does
your wife do it? Dumpsey-Not when
I'm around.-Burttngton Free Press.
Cholmondeley (sighing)-"I wish I
were q rumor." .'Wherefore?" asked
Reginald" THAT l might gain cur
rency." responded the wretch.-Lys.
The loafer is generally generous.
He has not much to give, as. q rule,
but he will divide his loaf with any
other lOafer.-Nes0 Orleans Rcayune.
"The weigh of the transgressor is
light" is the way Johnny's mother
put it when he came back from the
butchers with an alleged two pound ds
of meat--Mercha,st 1Taveler.
Amateur Hubert-Me lud, five moons
were seen tonight, four fixed and the
other didn't whirl! Muffied voice from
the audience = Did lever hic-try
| bromide? Pitts6urg Dispatch
Massachusetts, must be a highly re-
ligiOus State. "a prominent civil en-
gineer" has been able to find only tbir-
teen dams in the State which are liable
10 break loose.-Ierre Haute Express.
The skeletons of five prehistoric
mound builders have been found in
Iowa. This proves that the prehis-
toric medical student had little room
in his back office.-PA;tadelphi Itn,es.
Travelling evangel1't-Sir. l have .
mission Solemn visaged traveller
looming north from Washington)-
Well, you want to hang on to it. mis-
sions are scarce nowadays.-Munsey's
Weekly.
Mrs. Bobley-"I see, John, that
there is strong movement towards the
abolition of the silk hat" Mr.. BObley
with recollections of q certain billy
Yes; but bOnnets are just ~ high -
ver."-Judge.
Joe-Hello. old boy, what's the mat
ter with your You look al used up.
Been sick. or Is it overwork? Jack
Neither; ! have just got back from, .
six weeks stay at. health and pleas
urs resort -Droke . Magazine.
He-Well. IL Yale gets the Mott
Haven cup she'll have to break sumo
records t0 do it. She-But can she
do its He-I don't know. Yale
might break the ten commandments
any day to beat Harvard Harvard
Lan,po0n.
At the Chinese Mission: Teacher
And now, Hong Foy. can you tell me
the meaning of the words .'Go to" 50
frequently found in the holy Scrip
turs? Hong FOy-Yesse mann! Him
alice samey ''COme off," = Drake's
Magazine.
First club idler-I notice that u great
many people wore mourning ut Old
B0ozler's funeral the other. da,,. |
didn't know he had q relative in the
world. Second club idler-O. they
were not relatives; they were his cred
itOra-Nen L0rE Tribune.
Lady customer-Give me q dozen
lemons. please. 'GrOcer-I am sorry.
ma m, but we are all out of lemons
to-day. Lady custnmer-Then give
me q dozen of the same kind of or
anges l got here yesterday. They
will answer the purp p0se.-BurlingtO
Free Press.
Benevolent individual-..Yes, sir; l
hold that when . man makes little
extra money his frst duty is to make
his wife \ present of handsome
dress." Ordinary individual ''You
are . social philosopher. I presumed"
mo. lam . dry-gOOd dealer. "-Nev
York Weekly.
whats the matter. -Bromiey"
''Tve recovered my valise." II don't
see why you should swear in that way
about it. 20 you don't ehP The
darned thing isn't worth s and it had
to turn up Just ~ the company was
about to allow me $50 for it. It's just
my luck. k."-Epoch.
Mrs. De Billste-I really must travel
this summer for ms health. 1t Is such
q w0rrys though to make up ones
mind what route to take. Aunt Han
nah-Why, Lord, child. il you're feel
in bad 1t this time o. year, the best
root. yoa can get il yaller dock, to my
notion.-1erre Haute Cypress.
Stern psrent-Young man. 1 am
sstounded at your impudence. You
ask to marry my daughter, knowing
her to be wealthy in her own right.
while you haven't cent Self-pos-
sessed youth-That'slall right. What's
the need Of my having nancy when
she has plentyP-Boston Courier.
A Polish writer of stories recent
ly received an envelope containing
$1,000 from an. sadmiriug read
er." II some Of our heshly school Of
female writer's want to receive such
substantial tokens ofappraciation frDm
admiring readers. they, must put more
Polish in their novels. Nor,Istoscn
Herald.
Polite doctor (cautiously) - Your
husband is suffering from oyerwork
or excessive indulgence in alcoholic
stimulsnts-it Il, .ahem, little diff
ficult. to tell which. Anxious wife
O. it's overwork. Why. he can't even
60 to the theatre without rushing out
half dozen times to see his business
partpers. .-Neto York Weekly.
Foreigner-This may be . free coun-
try. but don't see that the freedom
has any effect on the people. Such
a,patisnt = meek. ssubdusd lot of hu-
manity.I nexer saw in my life. should
think ., free -bopn American would act
~ il he we're monarch of all he sur
veyed., Nativs-Wait until you see
passenger-csr brakeman who expects
soon to be y conductor.-Nesc York
Weekly.
A well-known physician and archi-
'tect were busy on Washington street
Thursday morning measuring . lot of
land whom m old resident Of the street
happened to come along. "Who is