The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-07-04
WISE AND OTHERWISE

Pears is the pures and best soap made
Beecham's Pills cure bilious and ner-
vous ills.
A swallow may not make q summer,
but frog makes spring.
The electrician is a good soldiar. He
knows how to charge a battery. Clere
land Sun.
What this country needs is maple sug-
ar that will pass thorough clvil-service
examination. Detroit Tribune
Smith-"Cesar How that piano
howls Brown-''I'll bet some one is
pounding it."-Binghamton Republican.
Customer-'T can't wear this suit and
that's the end of it It's all shrunk up
on one side !" Rosedale-"Vat you ex-
pecgt NIT dem diagonal goots ?"-P'tck
Sad-faced tramp-"Madame, l am a
homeless man. Patient housewife
well, ifyou are home less than my hus-
band is, pity your poor wife. Bur
dette
We believe it was a member of the
Chicago literary aggregation who, on
being asked if he could read Greek,
modestly replied, II don't know.
never tried. ~ Washington Post.
Miss Gotham-"I adore travelling
Were you ever in Greece, Miss LOin ?''
Miss LOin of Cincnnati-'No, | never
was but papa was in that lard trust
you know Minneapolis Tribune
A Chicago Diploma. Dullard-'I see
old man Killmer has taken to doctoring.
Is he having any success ?" Brightley =
''Seccess ? Why, he cured twenty eight
hams last winter. "-LO,ceH Citizen.
"Do you rea ize, darling, the impor-
lance of the step you are about to take?"
inquired her mamma of girl who was
soon to be married. IL should say did,
was the answer, "ain't / going to wear
a dress from Paris P"-EpOch
Physician-"You see your son is few
erish. madam. Notice the coating on
his tongue" Mrs. Anxious II don't
any coating on his tongue but |
see an ulster in his throat and his pants
are dreadfully short. "-The Epoch
Father-"You girls should fix your
minds on something higher than dress. y
One of the girls That is what we have.
pa. We have got our minds fixed on q
couple of lovely high hats down at Mrs
Feathers millinery rooms. "-London
TidbitS.
We have a speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
! and Headache. in SHILOH'S CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price SO cents. Sold
by j. T. Shurtleh.
No matter what may he the ills you
bear from indigestion, a dose Of Ayers
Cathartic Pills will ease you without
question. just try them once and be
assured they have much worse dys'
peptics cured. You'll find them nice
} and amply worth the price.
Did every hing 90 pleasantly at school,
o-day, John P" "Yes, mother, but some
bad boys persuaded me to play traunt.
You mean they tried to persuade you
John if they had persuaded you. you
would have gone off with them. " That's
what | did. boston Times,
Chappy-"On deah I'm so noyvous
about that speech I've got to make al
lh-the club I'm afw aid I'll break down
in the delivery" Cholly-"Aw but
me deah boy, why don't cher hiah a
messenjah boy, and get him to delivaw
it faw yah P"-Harper'S Bazaar.
Why Will You
Allow your health to gradually fail ? L
you are closely confined indoors with
title or no exercise. and desire goot
health, you must take care of yourself
Use Sulphur Bitters, and you will have
a sound mind and strong body.
Miss Nissan -"Oh, Calvert This i,
500 90 unexpected Her maid-"EX
cuse me. Miss Mary, but yure mother
stint me down t. tell yez that about thai
matter she wor talking ov,r wild ye1
this mornin for youse T. say Yes She
said youse would know phat she names.
Customer-"You sell cracked eggs al
half price, do you notPn Clerk-"Yes'm
we always make fifty per cent. reduc
ton on cracked goods. Anything else
to-day P" Customer Yes, YOU ma,
give me q dollars worth Of cracked
wheat and here's your fifty Gems -
Omaha World.
| First deacon-"lIave you ever heart
the Rev. Mr.. Goodman, who exchanges
pulpits with our pastor to-day ?" Sec
ond deacon No. well. have.
think, Brother Passbasket, we'd better
vary from our regular custom this
morning, and take up the collection be-
fore the sermon
Brother of the Period-"Say, sis, why
don't you go out to ride with the horse
lSwellboy gave you?" Swellboy why
my dear boy, nevah gave your sister {
horse, don't cher know" Brother
ION, come off Sis said you gave her {
nightmare every time she saw you y
Harvard LdmpOon.
There is only difference fcolor be
tween Mr.. Harrison, the president, anC
MIR. Rusk, the secretary of agriculture,
remarked Squildig. What do you
mean P" asked McSwiligen. "Why
Mr. Rusk has charge of the green house
while Mr.. Harrison's is the white house
-PittSburg Chronicle elegraph
Smith DE Blnks, why that satisfied
smile ? You don't look like man who
has just been fined $40 and cost for fast
driving De Binks why, man alive
just sold that old nag Of mine for $l5t
more than he was worth Did it on the
strength of the fine. Who wouldn't
smile P"-Kedrney (Neb } Enterprise.
Pupil-"Teacher, kin me an Bill &C
an git a pail o. wafer ?" Arkansa,
schoOlmaster-"There you go again.
How many times have got to tell you
that it amt good grammar to say me
and Bill ?" Pupil what ort to sayP
Teacher-"Bill and me. Can't never
learn you nothing ?"-HdrperS Maya
zine,
ShiIoh's Catarrh Remedy,
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, a marvel
GUS cure for catarrh, diphtheria, canker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful eatment Of
these complaints without extra cha ge,
Price so cents Sold by j. I. Shurtleif,
Bennington.
Just His Fit. MY friend" said the
minister. kindly, as he paused to steady
the far-reaching gait of the inebriated
one, do you know you are walking in
crooked paths ?" mighty good -hic-
thing for me at am, - replied the trans
gressOr, ''for m dead sure / c-couldn't
wa in a straight one 'ithout gittin' on
tn grass. Brooklyn Eagle.
Smith-"Where's that fve-dollar bill
| laid on the table yesterday morningpn
Mrs. Smith-"Why. you don't expect to