The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-10-30
Il. WIT AND HUMOR.

.S VII AMI llUMOll.
Adam and Ewes family tree was the
apple.-PittsbMrg Chronicle.
A well-versed Latin scholar is sort
of Roman knows Washington Critic.
Progress and poverty = Driving
street-car at 81 day.-Ierre Haate
ErpreSs.
Light housekeeping frequently fol-
lows a matrimonial match.-Or Oregon
Statesman.
The only way to get a hen out of the
garden is to go slow but shoo'er.-
Merchant IraUeler.
Biologists say that powders make
sand. Observation teaches that sand
makes bolder. er.-Binghdnlto Repu6Li-
can.
There wouldn't have been any milk
in the cocoanut if some dairymen had
had the construction of it.-IeGas Sift-
i,egs.
Self-governmenti in republic which
opens its gates to all the world is not
self-government but self-sacrifce.-
Puck.
A widow who owns stock range in
Colorado is no longer called II seattle
queen" She is d ''grass widow. San
Francisco Alta.
1t will be said of Sitting Bull after
his departure that, outside of his fire
water, he was never made to pull in
his horns.-Judge.
81 want to write a letter to the Sec
retary of the Navy. Shall address
him as your Excellency?" 20, no;
use the term. Your Warship.'-LJe.
1t is industry more than birth that
lifts boy up in the world. A boot
black may shine in society if he will
stoop to conquer.-NeO Orleans Plea
yatrge.
Clerk-Isn't the price of this box of
strawberries low enough for you? Gus
tomer-O, the price is low enough.
The bottom of the box isn't though
~ Y. San.
He-Do you think, Miss Hattie. with
the poet, that an honest man is the no.
blest work of GodP She (thoughtless-
Washi,agtop Critic.
Before offering yourself to the plump
looking toboggan girl you met last
winter, perhaps it would be as we'll to
wait until you see her on the beach
this summer.-LTe.
Towne-That's too bad about Ding
lev, isn't it? Browne-HowP What's
thatP Towne-Joined the silent ma
jority. Browne-What! deadp Towne
No, married. Time.
ssWives should never conceal any
thing from their husbands" says a
writer. If this advice was carried out
it would create a revolution in femi-
nine Burlington Free Press.
1t is true that charity is no. so pop
ular virtue as it might be, for, though
it covers multitude of sins, in summer
it is too warm for wrap of any kind,
and in winter you can get more solid
comfort out of an observation-disclosures
american.
Henderson, don't like your friend
Brown. He is positively rude. He
went so far last evening as to tell me I
was a jackass. It was entirely uncall-
ed for. Fogg-I agree with you, my
boy. 1t was entirely superfuous.
Boston Iravelier.
In polite circles out in Arizona they
never speak of a gentleman as having
run away to escape hanging. They
simply say that '.Mr. So-and-so has
gone away in search of change of
climate for the benefit of his throat. -
Boston Transcript.
''What pity you don't have look
ing-glasses all along the walls-then
one could see ones self as one went
round, you know" ''Why, miss, if
you were to see yourself in looking
glass. just now you'd never git on a
'orse again. Punch.
care you going to the game to-day,
BrowneP" asked travelling man of a
friend. mo; there's no reason why
should" '.Why notP" .tI've got a
bawl match at home. Twins months
old and an even score up to the present
time. ."-MercbGnt Traveller.
There was death in the house. A
neighboring undertaken calling to Of
fer his services was told that another
had already been engaged. Pardon, -
said the disappointed man, bowling
himself out, Il hope shall be happier
another time. French Fun.
Editor-I want you to take charge
of the "Queries" column. New man
(modestlyl-I fear cannot answer
the questions our readers would ask.
20, yes, you can. Most of the ques-
tions are from college graduates, and
they are easy. ."-Ne1o York Weekly.
Wibble-What do you think of this
idea of adopting the ,sunfower as the
National flower? Wabble-Pretty good
idea, l think. 1t is typical of quite a
numerous class of Americans. 1t
makes big spread all summer and is
seedy in the fall.-Ierre Haute Express.
''Can't 1 take your name for this
new encyclopedia dictionaryP" asked
the book agent. at is an encyclopedia
and dictionary all in one." mo, sir
said the man addressed; 81 have ne
use for it whatever. You see, 1 mar
ried Boston girl. "-SomerviAe Jour-
nal.
'.Well,' sighed the Fat Commuter as
the doctor ordered the nurse to refuse
him all strong liquors, 81 know now
how ship feels when it's put in a
dry dock for repairs. How it must
long to have its sails wetted and be
three sheets in the wind.n-MeD YORK
Herald.
He had declared his passion and was
feverishly awaiting her reply. '!Mr.
Samson" she said, and her voice sound.
ed like knell, ''tne letter which you
SO kindly offered to post for me two
weeks ago tonight has never reached
it's destination. Farewell. ."--Harper's
Weekly.
Ella-Well, Bess, graduation is over.
What do you find to do now? Bess-]
am taking post graduate course in
Botany. Can hour later she was tax.
ing her first lesson in the kitchen,
wrestling with peas, cabbages, and as.
.paragus for the midday meal. l-Kear'
saseq Enterprise,