Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-01-05
SOME SMALL COMFORTS

small talk. Rochester Post Express.
WESTERN train robbers who rile the.
mail bags use their rites on the train
men, too.
NATURE is Just with compensation
for losses. The toothless man Is not
apt to bite of more than he can chew.
-Neao Orleans Picay,xne.
YOU'VE doctor They don't bleed
people nowadays as they did twenty
years ago, do they, Professor? Profess
sor-Not with the lancet-Doctor.
HUSBAND Ito vie with pet dog)-
You should have married Fido instead
of me. Wife (reyretfully) But poor
tldo hadn't any money, don't you
know.-JVashington Post.
HE-My darling. I really believe my
rheumatism has wholly disappeared.
She-Oh, 1 am so sorry! Now we shall
never know when the weather is going
to change Beacon.
WHAT little basket is that YOU are
cleaning, Johnnie?" asked Merritt.
THAT'S the fish-basket dad told you he
carried the 200 pounds of fish home in
last night. "-Ne,U York Sun.
PATERFAM1LIAs-Why, Ethel! You
don't mean to marry that baldheaded
Professor Wiseman? Ethel-It is true
be is bald, but think how many young
men of to-day are bald on the inside Of
their heads.-Idea. !
AN item is going the rounds alleging
that the hustle is liable TO explode and
should be labeled hazardous" Bustles
are as SAFE as coal-scuttles. We've held
many of them on our lap without risk.
Detroit Free Press.
"YoU may bring me some satanized
crustaceans, said Miss Boston to the
waiter. MANI" gasped the astonished
mental, Don't you understand me?
I want deviled crabs" 80, yos'ml
Bring 'em right away".-Idea-
BURToN-Paperwate must be = ing
up in the world. Did you notice how
politely his tailor bowed to him? Boil
ton-Humph! The poor fellow knows
he's got to be civil, if he ever expects
to collect a cent.-Ne,c York Sun.
A NEW YORK clergyman, dismissed
from the pulpit few months ago, is
now acting as a brakeman on q railroad
train. His experience in coupling was
no doubt strong recommendation for
the observation-disclosures Herald.
Clara, if I were you I'd take
Mr.. Oldboy to a certain store on Broad
way before I'd let him take me to the
theater again. Clara-And what store
is it, pray? Louisville one that adj
vertises "Old bows rehaired while you
wait. PUCK.
GRMsBY-That man, banks, gets
more matter accepted by the news
papers and magazines than any other
person of my acquaintance. Danks-
Is that so? He doesn't look like liter
airy fellow. Grimsby-He isn't; he is
An advertising agent. Post.
PHILADELPHIAN-Is there much must
cal culture in Prairie City Westerner-
Musical culture? Well, I should smile.
Why, sir, the Prairie City folks just
turn out and mob the Salvation Army
every time the bass drummer gets out
of tune with the cornet.-PhiladelphiG
Record.
THRIFTY mother-Ellen, why will
you persist in eating the soft part of
your bread and leaving the crusts under
the edge of your plate ?. Some day you
may be glad to get even crusts to eat.
Thoughtful daughter Yes, mother,
that's what I'm saving them for.-BOs-
tom Transcript.
In the columns of medical contem-
porary it is asserted that there is q
patient in the Pekin Hospital who COM
plains that there is another man inside
him who keeps up perpetual CONVEX
satiOn. That man must have been COM
PEELED to eat his own words.-LO7adOa
Court Journal.
INDIGNANT citizen-When I bought
this horse You told me that with lit
tie training he would make first-class
animal for the track. Horse-dealer-
And so he will! Citizen-I tried him
yesterday, and he was seventeen min
utes trotting mile! Horse-dealer-
Oh, didn't mean a race-track, friend;
lleant street-car track.-Time.
WHEN wife gets to reading one of
the old diaries her husband used to
keep before he was married and finds
an entry that says: Prayer meeting
out at 10 o'clock; home at II As" she
can't help wondering just where the
young man was and what he was doing
for that mysterious hour and forty-five
minutes 30 many years ago.-Jour7aaI
of Education.
He was a new conductor on his first
trip. As he passed the corner hand
somely dressed young woman nodded
her head graciously. The new con-
ductor tipped his hat with thu utmost
politaness, and turning to a passenger
on the platform, said: "How's that for
mash, eh?" "She wanted you to stop
the car" replied the passenger.
"B'goshI" exclaimed the new conduc-
tor, Il never thought of that. It may
turn out smash instead of a mash. -
Epoch.
WHEN JIM WAS DEAD.
When Jim was dead,
Hit sarvel him right" the Majors sod
An 'bused him for the life he'd led,
An him a-lying thar at rest