The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1889-09-07

PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

--"None but the brave deserve the
fair, "--and none but the brave can
live with some OF them.
The office that is seeking the man
can't find him, owing to the scrambling
crowd of otIice-seekers. - st. Paul
Pioneer Press.
| I'll hear your son is a fighterp"
.'No; he's pugilist." 20, I'm so
glad! Fighting is SO ungentlemanly.
.-Harper's Bazaar.
cit is q great deal easier to write
q vivid love letter of sixteen pages than
1t is to hear it read two years after
wards in court. rt.-Sommerville Journal.
They have flannel bathing-suits at
the seaside resorts that do not shrink.
They are ashamed to, probably
Binghamton Republican.
1t is rather hard to bear the snubs
of man who is going to make a lot Of
money, but what sweet satisfaction we
have when he fails to get there. .-Terre
Haute Express.
fare you fond of fictionp" asked
Alpha. 30, yes" responded Omega;
"the first thing l read when l get the
daily paper is the weather prediction"
--Norristown Herald.
-Blobbins-"Soyo you are still a bache-
lor, MaulstickP" Maulstick-"Yes;
shall never marry. l am welded to
my art" Blobbins-"Quite so. Mar
riageis failure, that's fact. Grip.
Mr.. Hobbs-"I see thata Newport,
(Pa. } farmer has hairless calf on ex-
hibition. What a remarkable freak
that is" Mrs. Hobbs .RemarkableP
Why, you're bald-headed yourself,
John. Minneapolis Tribune.
Funny MANA penny for your
thoughts" Fair maiden-"They are
not worth it." Funny man-"What
are you thinking of p" Fair maiden
"Your last column of jokes. boston
Courier.
--Visitor-"So your sister is off on
q visit, Williee l suppose you feel
very lonesome without herP" Five.
year-old Willie, (dubiously) -"Ye-es,
/ feel lonesome, but--I'm good deal
more comfortable. ."-Chicago journal.
Doctor - what your husband
needs, madam, is change of scene"
Mrs. De Temper-'.Do you think he
should go off for his healthp" well,
it doesn't matter which goes-you or
he. e."-Philadelpaia Record.
Miss Pyrte-''What makes you
such confirmed woman-hater, Mr..
Olebachp" Mr.. Olebach-.'Well, when
/ was a young man woman made a
fool of me- Miss Pyrte-"And you
never got over it. p"-Terre Haute Ex-
press.
The average literary person is
tedious nuisance. He invariably has
grievance, and he is constantly seeking
to air it. He is a self-confessed failure.
and he insists upon advertising the
fact.-Chicago News.
-Hardcheell-"I had a queer exper-
ience downstairs, Hardhead. A mo-
ment after alighted from the cab my
old cabman fell over dead" Hardhead
-"Ah! Paid your bill without wrang-
ling, l suppose. e."-Philadelphia En-
quirer
my dear" remarked Mrs. Caudle
severely, to her better half. 1--WE have
lived together now for more than forty
years, and notice that your manners
grow worse instead of better. What's
the reasonP" Mr.. Caudle, meekly-
al can't say, unless it is because ex-
ample is contagious"
Mr.. Dumpsey-"Don't shirk your
Greek, Johnny. A Kansas clergyman
has discovered that it will be the lam
gurge spoken in Heaven" Johnny
Dumpsey (sighing)-"Then I'm afraid,
pa, you and l haven't any use for it."
Free Press.
-Biggs you notice, briggs,
what the Howler said OF mylast speechP"
what was itp' "Why,
that in it l showed myself Sampson
of debate" Hmm, 1 see. Sampson
was the fellow who slew his enemies
with the jaw-bone of an ass" June.
-Addlepate-"Aw! You have in
suited me, sir. Aw my fwiend will
call upon you Your card. sir, please.
Aw!' Bohemian-"Givey you my card?
| should say not. You would stick it
into your looking glass to delude your
into thinking you were ac-
quainted with a gentleman. Epoch.