Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-06-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Lays OF spflng-fresn eggs.
A bouncing baby-A rubber doll.
A stern necessity-A boats tiller.
Motto for cooper-"Hoop it tub"
Three of kinda COW and two
calves.
In their journey through life many take
the bridal path.
It is not imperative that an omnibus
bill should have rider.
The stock farmer is a man of good
breeding .-Merchant 1rGseler.
Employers who would keep upon their
feet must not allow their hands to be
idle.
Bill Tells boy is remembered in history
because he had an arrow escape.-Teras
SJtings.
If none but bakers played the game of
baseball one might readily account for
the muffin.
Would it be the proper thing to speak
of literary contest as "skull race?"-
The Ocean.
"Better late than never is hardly a
suitable motto for the man who travels
much by rail.
The literary reviewer can blow up
magazine with entire personal safety
Merchant TraUeIer.
Some merchants appear to get along
swimmingly while Others can scarcely
keep themselves aAoat.
If you should meet lion, either hit
him hard or run; don't stop to stick pins
in him.-Atchison Globe.
It does not augur we'll for the success
of social gathering to have many bores
in it.-Balthmore American.
When good dog points to game the
hunters gun is expected to speak to the
point.-New Orleans P,cayune.
A youth thought it would be fun
To fool with an unloaded gun.
All friends are invited.
Merchant Truuelcr.
Copper tips keep shoes from being run
out at the toes, and men from being run
in at the station house.--NaH and Er-
press.
We would like to know if house
painter by any license of speech can be
called a hue-er of wood. --Binghdmtoa
Republican.
Doubtless no true soldier would con-
sent to act as fence; and yet, such
one has often been known to do picket
duty.-DetrOit Free Press.
When a woman steps out on the back
porch with her arms rolled up in her
apron it is sign to her neighbor that she
has something to tell her.-4tchasos
GlObe.
A clergyman's prescription to young
men who desire to get on in the world is
! to 'mix brains with self-denial" That's
good doctrine for those who have the
brains to start with.
1t seems as if the proper thing to do,
upon discovering the approach of a
cyclone, would be to secrete ones self in
a cellar and wait for the affair to blow
over.-Detroit Free Press.
Judge-"At first you stole $50, and
then afterward $40. Are you never go
! ing to do better?" Criminal-"Why,
, your Honor, did better that time by
, 500" ."-Fhegende Blaetter.
q Bronson-"Why, thought you knew
t Sammis2" Harkins--..I do" Bronson
"Well, you didn't bow as we passed him
b moment ago." Harkins-"B Because I
i known him too we'll. "-Harper's Bazof.
n Highwayman-"Hold up your hands!"
}, Pedestrian-''My dear sir" have just
k returned from Oklahoma" ''The deuce
G you havel Well, you can get a good free
Vt lunch on the next block. Good even
ing. ."-Lincolaa Journal.
o Judge-"You are charged with run
n ming a game of chance What have you
y to say?' Accused--"It was not game
W of chance, your Honor. No outsiders
u had the slightest possible chance of win
It ming. - omaha World.
n Miss Silly Ito her lover -"Yon had
better be careful when you come up to
N the house now, Charlie. Father has got
es big dog" Charlie When did he get
d him2' yesterday. He bought him of
IN Miss Flirty's father" "Oh, that dog,
D. heya amt afraid of him; he hasn't any
v teeth. ."-L0uisoiAe Post.
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