Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1889-07-07
MR.. ANDMRS. B0WSER.
HBAPING THR LAST FATAL STRAW ON
B0WSER'S BACK.
he BsIs Million Dollars to a Cent, Bat he Doesn't
Pay, Of Oourss-Mrs. Bowssr Scattsrs
Signs Around, While Hs SUI
ters Silently.
Detroit Ere PreSs.

,ther afternoon, Mr.. Bowser was walking
Up and down the sitting room like Gagged
ion. As ne was an hour ahead of his
1sual time, 1 was naturally astOnisbed,
md as he looked so stern and dignifed, I
Was fearful that some misfortune had &C.
,urred.
Anything wrong, Mr.. Bcwsei?' I man
,ged to ask.
He halted, folded his hands under his
and balancing himself on his
heels aud toes alternately, he replied:
"Mrs Bcwser, this ia the last straw
TIE very lasiW
"Why, what have done?"
81 had an invitation to attend banquet
Of the B. n. G. Club, and was down TO de-
liver an address. 1 came home to cat
ready, and, 10! what do l find?'
Robbers in the house?'
Not much! No robber with any sense
in his head would como to this housel It
would take him week to find anything!
| 90 up stsirs to get clean shirt, collar,
etc, but nothing of the sort can be found.
| come down and ask the cook TO see if my
Sunday clothes are in the -four barrel, but
she looks in vaio. 90 10 the telephone
aud ask the coal man if he saw them in
the basement when he put in that last ton,
but ne can't remember. You, of course,
have no knowledge OF them. You can't
say whether they are in the oat bin in the
barn, or packed away in the garnet for a
rats nest"
"Mr. BOwser, have you been drink
iug?"
"Have been drinking! That's just
like q woman When cha gets cornered
she throws out just such insults to hide
her own shortcomings. It's a wonder /
haven't been drinking. It's a wonder l
don't come home drunk and wipe out this
family. Mrs. Bowser, demand TO know
what you have done with my clothes"
"Thsy are up stairs, unless you have
sold or given them away"
'No more insults, please. Come up
stairs and show me, for instance, where
my shirts are"
VERY we'll. We shall find them in the
second drawer of your bureau, where they
have been kept for the last two years"
"Inl bet you q million dollars to a
cent?
Come on"
We went up stairs to the bureau, and |
pulled out the drawer and there lay five
clean shirts, just where I had placed them
as they came from the laundry two days
before.
sBut they were not there an hour ago"
protested Mr.. Bowser.
But they were. How could they be
anywhere else? In this other drawer are
your socks, neckties, cuffs and collars.
Sse?n
~ see, but that drawer was empty half
an hour ago."
And in this closet is your Sunday suit.
See? Coat, vest and pants. Are you
growing blind, Mr.. B3wseT?"
"There is some dark mystery connected
with all this, Mrs. BOwser, and / will not
rest until unravel it. I spent good half
hour looking for my things, but not one
single article could | find"
Because you rushed up stairs and went
into the spare room, just like lots of other
husbands. or course you did! Set?
Every drawer in the spare room bureau
has been pulled out, and the clothes press
door is wide OPEN"
'AIrs. BOwser, don't try to get out of
it in this way. My eyesight is still good,
and when l see an empty drawer l know
it is not full Of shirts. l have lost an hour
looking for my things, and now cannot
20 to the banquet"
he went down stairs and called up some
one by telephone and said:
~ can't be there this evening. My
shirts, collars and clothes mad been mislaid
by my wife, and only found them a mo-
ment ago. Very cory, but give my regrets
to the boys and tell them how it was.
Some wives are like that and can't help it,
You know. Goodby."
The next evening Mr.. Bowser brought a
friend up with him-the same one he had
telephoned to. After a bit he took him
MP stars for a smoke, and, as they reached
the head of the stairs they found the fol-
lowing notice on the bedroom door:
INSIDE THIS ROOM
VIII be found
MR. BoWsEE's SHIRTS COLLARS CUFFS AND SUN
Don't make the mistake Of looking in the alley.
On the bureau 1 tackled second sign,
reading:
First drawer-Your hair dye, etc.
"Second drawer-0Ollars, cuffs and
"Tbird drawer-Your shirts"
On the door of the clothes closet had q
third sign, reading:
Your Sunday suit is in this closet-frst
hook to the left as you enter"
On each garment was marked the name,
"cost," west" and pants" and on the
wall a set of instructions, reading:
81. Fling your hat under the bed.
''2. Kick your pants over behind the
lounge.
SO. Throw your vest behind the wash
stand and your coat On the floor.
"a. In removing the buttons from your
shirt Jerk and twist from left TO right and
back again. This will enlarge the button
holes.
"5. Ifyou drop one of the buttons, jump
up and down and cuss and declare that
you have been one button short all the
week.
IS. If the buttonholes in your collar
are too large kick over q chair and declare
your desire to murder some one. II too
small kick over two chairs and lay it to
me.
~. In changing your clothes get your
suspeaders twisted, leave your shirt
punched up at the shoulders and snap off
as MANY buttons az possible"
I had intended those signs for Mr.. Bow
ser's eyes alone, and fully expected a ma
tional calamity when he came down and
babe his friend good night. was disap-
pointed. however. He looked at me bs-
aignly, walked up and down for awhile,
and then observed:
"Mrs. Bower, before we were married
[ had long talk with your mother"
YES"
''She told me that you had never been
,alled upon to exercise judgement or re-
and that would find you
very great burden"