Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-09-09
THE sTUB-TAiLED COW.
One of Prssident Lincoln's Ininitable Hu.' m0rous Stories. :.

One 0f Prostd0nt Lincoln's Inimitnblo Hu. morous Stories. Stories of President Lincoln's keen humor ara seemingly inexhaustible. One; which has never appeared in print the; washington correspondent of the New York Tribune has from man who held prom, inent onace under Lincoln, and who knew; the great statesman well. At an official ball some thieves made of with the hats; and overcoats of the guests, SO that when: the Presidential party was ready to take; leave Vice-President Hamlin's head cover ing was not to be found "pu tell you what, Hamlin," i" said friend i; "early in the evening I saw man, pos sessed of keen foresight hide hls hat up stairs. am sure he would be willing to do- nate 1t to the Administration, and I will go and get it for you" When the hat was produced 1t was dis covered to be very much after the shape af- fected by Hamlin, but it bore a badge of mourning, which emblem the Vice-President ripped of with his pen-knife. The party stood chatting merrily as they waited for the carriages to be driven up, when 8 man stopped directly in front of Mr. Hamlin and stood staring at the ''tile" with which his head was covered.
 "What are you looking ct, sira" asked Hamlin, sharply.
 ASuA A0SS oAo "OEcu Lu0 nun, mllOlV. ''1f 1t had . weed on 1t should say 1t was mine"
 "Well, 1t hasn't got weed on 1t, has itf" asked the Vice-President
 "No, sir" said the hatless man, Git hasn't"
 ''Then it isn't your hat, is it" said the proud possessor of 1t.
 "No, I guess not," said the man as he turned to walk away. When this little scene was explained to President Lincoln he laughed heartily and said:
 "That reminds me, Hamlin. of a long time ago when I was pioneering and sol diering in Illinois and we put up joke on some officers of the United States army, My party and I were a long way oil from the comforts of civilized life, and our only neiRhbors were the garrison of United States fort. We did pretty well for rations, had plenty of salt meat and flour, but milk was not to be had for love or money, end as we all lonRed for the delicacy we thought 1t pretty mean that the officers of the fort, who had two cows-a stubbed-tailed one and a black and white one-offered us no milk. though we threw out many and strong hints that 1t would be acceptable. At last after much consultation we decided to teach them lesson and borrow or steal one of those cows, just as you choose to put it. But how it could be done without the COW being at once identified and recovered was the question. At last we hit on plan. One of our party was dispatched days ride to the nearest slaughter house. where he pro- cured long, red cows tail to match the color of the stub-tailed cow, after possess ing ourselves of which animal we neatly tied our purchase to the poor stub, and with appetites whetted by long abstinence we drank and relished the sweet milk which 'our cow gave. A few days afterward we were honored by call from the commander of the fort. Say, boys,' said he, we have lost one of our cows.' Of course we felt very sorry and expressed our regret ac- cordingly. But continued the commander came over to say that If that COW of yours had stub tail, should say 1t was ours'
 But she hasn't stub tall, has shea' asked we, sure of our point.
 Mo- said the officer, she certainly has not 8 stub tail.'
 "'Well. she isn't your COW, then,' and our argument was unanswerable, as was Ham. un'sn