Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-12-15
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CURRENT WIT AND FUN.

The cigarette-maker has popular role.
The liquor question is an absorbing
| theme.
Chestnut burrs, like milliners, have fall
openings.
Thin men are best fitted to engage in
match race.
On board ship the ropes should do as
they are taut.
Electricity will never receive vindica-
tion at the poles.
The wise man does thing first and
tells of it afterward.
The corset is paradox. 1t comes to
stay yet goes to waist.
A man with bee in his bonnet should
be sure of a lively-hood.
Money makes the man, but the man has
to make the money first.
The proprietor of creamtory is de-
pendendent upon his urnings.
When the rooster gets a comb he reaches
the top notch of his ambition.
Every hunter knows that it is much
easier to die game than to kill it.
For temperance meetings to do good,
there should be full attendance.
The pugilist is popular parsonage He
is likely at any time to make hit.
The great difficulty about advice is the
predominance of quantity over quality.
1t is not always safe to handle things
without gloves, especially electric wires.
The fall poet is making the annual COL
lection of spring verses ashamed of itself
Dyspepsia and broken heart exhibit
wonderful similarity in their surface in
dications.
Unless we pay more attention to Arbor
Day America will in few years have no
forest fires.
The man who has begun to live more
seriously within, begins to live more sim
ply without.
The most appropriate place to hold a
national convention of bicyclists is Wheel
ing, w. Va.
A tailor requires many yards to cover
man, but burglar will cover him with a
small revolver.
First hat-"How long has your owner
worn your" Second hat-"Oh, about a
year, off and on"
There are many LIDS in this country,
but there are lots of laws that need doctor
ing just the same.
In milking a COW always sit on the side
furthest from the COW and nearest soft
spot in the pasture.
81 will toss coppers with you," remarked
one steer to another as they started for a
couple of policemen.
If everybody who has cold would vote
the same way it would carry that ticket
almost unanimously.
Clocks are different from manufacturing
concerns. The hands of a clock never
strike-its the works.
The dignity of labor is all right, but it
is the dig night and day of labor that
many people complain Of
"Why didn't you marry young Squib?
He has good looks, wealth and everything
desirable" ale never asked me-"
1t is the professional sandbagger, more
than any other member of society, who is
anxiously watching for the coming man.
People who like to see the smaller COM
batant win the battle always take pleasure
in mill between bull dog and hornet.
After Nevada man had sold rocky
piece of land for song silver lode was
discovered there. He didn't know it was
lode-ed.
Pop-"What, in heavens name, is the
baby crying for ?" Mom-"Nothing."
Pop-"Well, for goodness sake let him
have it."
Almost everybody in the world is sus-
ceptible to fattery. The easiest way to
fatter some people is to remark to them
how impervious to flattery they are.
Even if man goes so far as to admit
that there are flies on his baby, he is al
ways sure to add in the next breath that
it's because the little fellow is so sweet.
The reason why many people have
miserable time of it and spend their
strength lodging their creditors is because
they have no knowledge of arithmetic.
"Assume virtue if you have it not"
says Shakespeare But this is not always
practicable. The thoroughly intoxicated
man, for instance, cannot assume the virtue
of sobriety.
Irate politician-"Look here you pub
lished lie about me this morning-an
infamous lie / won't stand it." Serene
Editor-"But just think where you would
be if we were to publish the truth about
you"
The skies may be fair
And balmy the air,
While nature is ON broad grin;
ant hat fc oil