Morning journal and courier., 1889-03-13
CHARACTERISTIC.

Haven't Any Characters. -Manager-''HoH many characters did you say there are il your playP Author-"I didn't say there were any. This is a French society drama. , Puck.
 An independent old lady, speaking of Adams naming all the animals, said she didn't think he deserved any credit for naming the pig. Anyone would know what to call him.-Christiau Register. Wife-"Mercy! these bundles are awfully heavy. Can't you carry thema" Husband fNot now: all these people around know me-" Wife-"Ahl then they will not won- der that am carrying them."-New York World.
 On Maiden Lane-First diamond dealer "How many carats did you sell to-day, Bob?" Second dealer-"About ninety" Farmer Corn Bob Gin amazement)-"Gosh This must be poor market day."-Jswelers' Weekly.
 eff put my money into the savings bank, i" said Pat, "when can I draw it out again?' ''Oh," answered his fellow country man, Eff you put in to-day you can get it out tomorrow by giving fortnight's no- tice. e."-Exchange.
 grow long again, Marry.
 Mrs. Brown (tartly)-You'Il find them much shorter, Mr. Brown, if you'll stay in your house nights instead of gallivanting of to that lodge room.-Lowen Citizen.
 Artful Amy-''Algernon, in parliamentary usage, what does the presiding officer say when matter is to be put to vote." Un- the question.' Artful Amy-Y-yes, AL gernon, think I am."-Burlington Free Press.
 Corroboration-Said Paddleford to his wife on the way back from the museum-'T am firmly convinced that women have an innate, natural, constitutional love of the horrible
 Good thing for you," she retorted, Cor you might have been bachelor to your dying day. y."-Life.
 they will about woman's extravaganza, but she can dress we'll on a sum that would keep man looking shabby" Simcoe-(dryly) That's true. Now, the sum that my wife dresses on keeps me l"ahi-S -hal3bJz year in and year out."-Time.
 This conversation was overheard between the youngest Jones and somebody:
 "Did you see that little boy with the cane?' asked Miss Jones. "Yes."
 "Do you know, his fathers an actor; and so Is he. Isn't it pity? He might have been a Christian. San Francisco Chroni- cle.
 "so ohump has married that poor Miss Perkinss'
 "Yes. Love in cottage and all that sort of thing, you know"
 'That won't do for me. I'm going to strike for a rich girl who will support me in the style to which she has been accustomed and haven't been."-Chicago Herald.
 Author-Jane, I promised Prof. Slocum ] would speak fayorably of his :'Treatise on Philosophy" in this book of mine, and I've got to do it, I suppose, but hate to have the public think I endorse his work. If I could only smuggle in favorable mention of it in some way that would escape the attention oi the reader
 Authors wife-That's easily done. Put it in the preface.-Chioago Tribune. They were sitting by the seaside in the calm twilight hour and Penelope, a soft Boston girl, felt her being diffused with the tender emotions of the hour and scene and | company. Suddenly she leaned too fal | forward and the plashing waves received | her graceful form. Clarence was only quics | enough to seize her hair. Will 1t hold, desrests Is it your own?" he asked. ''Ah Clarence" and the lustrous eyes gazed up al l him with a rapt expression, 'I cannot tell 8 lis; the bill has not yet been presented. , Philip H. Welch in Epoch.