Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-08-01
CURE FOR RAILROAD ACCIDENTS.
The STANCE but Effective Custom of Far
and Heather Company.


There was once far country great
distance from this, which was ruled
over by wise and just Caliph. And
it was so that there occurred a serious
railroad accident in this country,
whereby many people were gathered
to their fathers. And the next day
there came TO the palace of the Caliph
a director of the railroad on which
happened this accident, and after
bowling to the ground ne lifted ND his
voice and said:
20, most wise and just Caliph, the
rails spread out on us-tramps had
pulled out the spikes with their teeth,
but we knew it not. Of a certainty
the rails did spread on Us. Behold, it
was the act of Allahn
"So?" answered the Caliph, as he
stroked his beard; truly l grieve to
hear that the rails spread. But Allah
is good. Mesrour," he continued,
turning to his executioner, '.behead
this man at the fourth hour without
fail"
And it was so that at ten minutes
after the fourth hour his body was de-
livered to his friends.
And the next month there was
another grievous accident on another
road, whereby more true believers were
cut off, even as may be the enemies of
the Prophet. And the dav following
the president of the road knocked at
the palace gate and was admitted by
slave. And when he was come into the
presence of the Caliph he Frustrated
himself and said:
"There is but one God, and Ma
homet is the Prophet! Most wise and
just Caliph, we had an accident on the
Damascus Short Line. and many true
Mussulmans- are slain. Allah is goodi
Behold, there was a washout, and our
engineer visit it not, but plunged in at
the slow rate of sixty Christian miles to
the Christian hour. See, weep that
such things should ber'
"Indeed?" answered the mighty
Caliph; $50 there was a washout that
We wot not of. | suspected as much.
Mesrour, when the faithful 90 to noon
day prayers, behead this man who was
ignorant of the washout."
And, behold, the true Delivers were
prayers, and Mesrour took the
president to his studio and finished up
the job in time for late prayers HIM
self
And on the tenth day of the eighth
month; on another road, there was
still another accident, and a score of
true followers of Islam bit the dust.
And the next day at the ninth hour
after midnight the Board OF Directors,
and President, and a General Manager
or two, and three Vice-Presidents
knocked and prayed that they might
make speech with the most wise and
just Caliph. And he suffered them to
ento. and they fell on their faces and
worshiped him, and then the president
said:
Commander of the Faithful, Ma
homet is mighty, and thou art his true
vicar on earth. By the beard of the
Prophet there has been trouble with
the Mecca limited. Great Caliph,
many of thy subjects are no more.
Thus it was: The locomotive was a
new one and it became frightened at a
bicycle and snorted couple of times
and jumped into the ditch. Truly we
knew not that it was one of these skit-
fish locomotives. o, mighty son of
the Prophet, we rend our garments
that it is so. But the ways of Allah
are mysterious"
"Mesrour," said the Caliph, 'itseems
to me that I have heard this story
before"
''You have, son of Mahomet:''
''The engine SHE'D on them-well
you know the old prescription-give
'em the same-razzle-dazzle 'emp
And the great Caliph, who was wise
and good as he was great, took up the
blessed Alcoran and read its words,
but ere he could finish page they
were razzled.
For Mesrour never let business ac-
cumulate on his hands.
And it happened that there were
never any more accidents in the land
of the Commander of the Faithful even
unto this day.
The other railroad folks took the
hint.
But in closing it should be said that
his is far country indeed, being a
great many days journey from this
cOuntrV-N Mem York TribU7le