Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-12-25


If mouth is noun, kiss must be {
conjunction. 1t Joins two nouns
Elk.
1t is not unnatural that man o.
grit should have a good deal of sand
-Ex.
The natives of Alaska are colo
and distant people.-Philadelphia In
quirer.
The wings of the house were sur.
prised when the chimney fue.-Mary'
land Gazette.
The poet is born, not made. The
poetess is born and maid too.-Bing
hampton Leader.
It is the lie abilities, asset were
that make the successful assignor.-
Albany Express.
Many man considers himself a
great gun, when, in fact, he is nothing
but a smooth bore.-Ex.
A kiss, says physician, is most
excellent disseminator Of disease
Yes, of heart disease.-Columbus Dis
patch.
Some men work harder to avoid
paying an honest debt than they would
have to work to earn the money to
pay it with.-Ex.
Young mother-Don't you think
baby looks like his father?
Visitor-Ye-es, but don't worry
he may outgrow it.-Ex:
Boy-And why do they spell it
Xmas, papa?
Father-Because it has so many
tender recollections.-Ex.
The childish miss resents kiss and
runs the other way, but when, at last,
some years have passed, it's different,
they say.-Franklin News.
"You seem at home here" remark
ed a man at the postoffice to the post
master. YES" replied the latter,
"this is my stamping ground" ."-Ex.
Amy-What an absurd habit that
is of young Dalley's-always sucking
his cane.
Sussie-I think it is good plan,
1t keeps him from talking, you know
Life.
Fires are raging everywhere. First
small boy-We had a fire at our house
last night.
Second small boy-That so?
Yes. Pa fired sisters beau.-Bos.
ton Courier.
What they missed. Mrs. Sowders
Burglars broke into the church last
night and took everything.
Rev. Snowden (absent-minded)-
Did they take collection ?-Kear.
ney Enterprise.
A lunge for fame. Ethel-Would
you mind sitting on my hat, pa?
Father What under the sun dc
you wish me to sit on your hat for?
l want to see if / can't invent a
new style.-Time.
The dozen or so young ladies who torn
a society and "resolve not to marry
are the very first in town to corraI
husbands. This is what makes such
societies so popular-and numerous
-Norristown Herald.
Yabsley-Did l understand you tc
say that Nudge went insane wher
Miss Flip refused him?
Wickwire-I don't know what you
understood me to say. What | said
was that he went away mad.-Ex.
A proof of everything. 81 suppose
you are ready to substantiate any
statement your paper makes ?" said
an angry looking caller to the editor
"Oh, yes, we have the compositor:
prove everything that is set up
Elk.
McDingle--I never saw such 9
wind and storm before.
McFingle (cutely)-And now thai
you have seen them, what color arc
they?
Why, the wind blew and the storm
rose, of course.-Lawrence American
She wanted an introduction. Ed
i adore you, Edith, but, alas, / am
poor. However, l have wealth,
uncle from whom | have cxpecta-
Edith (eagerly)-Is he married .
Ed-No, darling.
Edith-Then introduce me to him
there's dear.-Scraps.
Johnny-Pa, this book says thal
some of these mummies have been rest
ing in their sepulchres for unknown
ages. Pa, what are unknown ages =?
Pa-Ask you mother, or Aunt Ma
ria, or one of your sisters; ask any
woman. l cant throw any light OF
the subject.-Boston Transcript.
And tbey few. Lover-Come. dar