Daily Republican., 1889-10-04
MIRTH AND mER,sIMENr.

eAesa w NOthttbihk htHptIbtt. DuJ
an heirtss, who knows he wlos her to
be maintained); go TO work, l sup
pose?"
Nagley: "You vented to get married
bad enough, Lord knows, when l took
you. You'd 4 married o fool" Mrs.
Naclcy (meekly): "well, don't twit me
with what l have done. We all make
Ella: GLOW cou'd you tall that your
husband lost money at the races to-day,
when he said nothing about itf' Stella:
~ know he did, because when be came
home be began talking about the advAn-
tages Of saving money"
81 am not business man, you see,
and should be glad If you would eu-
tighten me as to what Is meant by double
entry'P "By double entry we mean
two sets OF books, one OF which may be
produced In court II required, but not the
other"
Police Judge: estate how the trouble
Accused: awe wus holdIn'
a detatiu' society, aud / said ] had the
floor and he called me liar" Judge:
"What followcd" Accused; "From
that time until we were arrested we both
had the floor"
A virgin Of twenty five was lately
throwing out some affected encers at
mairimony, whom grave friend in COM
pany observed that "marriages are made
in heaven" scan you tell me, sir," re-
Joined the sly nymph, "why they are SO
slow 10 coming DOWN.
Mistress Ito butler); "Well, John, /
hear you have come into quite u little
laoaav 4
o; getting q wife now" "John: "Lor'
seen too much OF married'lifs with miss-
uses, beggin' yes pArdin', num-"
''DeurIs," said q gentleman to his
janitor, '.you are late this morning.
What Is the trouble?" 81 wor obliged to
go to court this mornin', where u Wy wor
Investigating little occurrence II az hap
pened last night" "Well, did the" dad
anything" 'Yss, they fined me-"
'W at are you crying for?" said a
friend TO young wife, who stood weep
Ing dis:onsolately. "Because, "said she.
"my husband left me this morning with
out kissing mel' "Ay," added Mr..
Jacobs, "there are plenty of women
In America who would cry If you did
kiss 'cinV"
Police Magistrate; "Dld you see the
beginning of this trouble?" Witness:
Yes, sir-I saw tho very commence.
meni. IL was about two years ago."
"Two years agol" "Yes, sir. The par
son said: Wilt thou have this man TO
be thy welded hu. .bandF and she said: Il
will"
Young lady Grossly, at the head OF the
stairs): MARY! Maryi Why ever don't
you anlwer the belli It's Harold--I
mean Mr.. Harold Smi hat the door,"
1T isn't Mr.. Harold, miss, It's Mr.
JONES' "stop a minute, then, Mary, ]
must change tho photographs iu the
drawing room."
On the Brighton Esplsnade: "Nyell, old
fellow, hear that you are going to be
married. Let me congratulate you, but
II I'm right about the lady, fancy you'll
have yonr pinions clipped" "Piniousi |
Don't mention the word, Isn't fellow
always pinloned when he's executed"
"0h, by the way, Jobklus, see you
have q new lawn-mower. i was thinking
that perhaps we might make some ar
rAugement to go shares on It." 'tWell,
about tue only arrangement | should ex-
pect you to make Ia for me to pay fer 1t,
you to use it and let me know when ii
needs sharpening.
Doctor (who has teen sent for at . a.
m.): Madam, pray send at once for
the clergyman, and, II you want to make
your will. Tor the lawyer" Madam (hor-
ritled): Good graeiousl is It SO danger
Gus, doctor?" Doctor: 'Not bit OF 1t;
but don't want to be the only one who
has been disturbed In his sleep for moth
ing"
Mrs. De Suffrage (lnIshing her lec-
ture): "And now, ladies, all who would
90 TO the polls II allowed to vote stand
up. That's gloriousl Every one up.
Will that lady In the front row nearest
my desk please TO tell us why she would
be so willing to 90 to the pollsl" Lady:
'To see what the other lady voters had
on"
Jsrkins hired pony the other day to
take little exercise on. He got all the
exercise he wanted, and as he limped 20
the pavement to rest himself q lively
bysiander asked: "WhaL did you come
down so quick for?" "What did L
come down so quick FOR? Did YOU see
anything up in the air for me to hold on
to?"
Julia (with q dreamy look in her
eyes): "Can you guess of what l am
thinking, Georgep George (taiing her
hand tenderly): mo, dearest Julia, but
| hope it ia OF me-" "Well, partly; but
was thinking OF the cozy little room we
vi ! fix up for mother alter We return
from our wedding trip" George didn't
look so pleased.
"Why, how is this, my dear sir?
inquired the local practitioner. "Yon
sent me letter stating that you were
attacked by fever, and find you suffer
ing from rheumatism Z" swell, you see,
doctor, it's like this" said the patient;
"there wasn't soul in the house who
could spell r, eumatism.'
Miss Lighted; 81 was much sdmired
ut the wedding-reception last night. l
noticed one gentleman who never took
his eyes oil me the whole evening"" Miss
Sharp; "Did the gentleman have ID
black mustache waxed on the ends 7"
"Yes; do you know himi' 81 know of
him. He lie a detective. He was there to
watch the presents"
A: "What did your uncle do for you
In his wilp b: "His will was entirely
in my favor; Pm in luckW Left you
all his money, did he" "Not directly.
He lett all his property to chaii able
Institutions" 81 thou sht you sa d you
we're in luckl' $50 am. All the her
heirs are going to upset the VIII, and
they have employed mo as their law
yer"
After the Feed OF Yesterday.-Clerk
(sitting up In bed. holding his hesd) /:
'Oh. Lordl oh, Lordl When l was a
little hazy yesterday asked the chief TO
let me marry his daughter, aud now |
don't know whett sr lie gave me his con-
sent or notice to leave" Principal