Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-12-26
You have heard of punk in wood; have

yOu ever neafu or punk III p1eS.
 WHEN young man hugs one of those girls who are devoted to dress reform, he may reasonably conclude that he is embracing the latest Improvements
 THE list of the number of men slain in the United States the past season while pushing a lawn mower around the yard at five o'clock in the morning is given and the figures don't go above thir- teen.
 SOME one sent Missouri church deacon s postal card advising him not to pray so loud and not to attempt to sing at all, and he just backslid and licked three of his neighbors inside of 8 week.
 OCCASIONALLY, when the train arrives as Bostwick, Fla, nice-looking young man jumps of and kisses the best-look ing girl at the depot, supposing her to be his sister. He apologizes so nicely that the girls are beginning to look for him regularly.
 ACCORDING to the Boston Transcript, you can now buy an Egyptian mummy for eighty-fve dollars. This news will be hailed with enthusiasm by families of small means, who have hitherto been oAApCA1Co Uo uSly tASilcSiNSS AloLu 1A- dulging in these primal necessities.
 A WHEELING dry-goods man complain Ing of business said: Mot q woman has crossed that door for two hours" The listener said, half in jest, that plenty would cross it if it was freshly painted. The shopkeeper tried it, and fifteen women focked in past the paint as soon as 1t was on.
 A PARKERsBURG, W. Va., woman, evidently of the ancient maiden order, was observed on street corner violent iy weeping. When asked why she cried, she braced up enough to whisper: "Just think! in few months I'll be obliged to tell my age! The census man will be around next summer!'
 ''1 ADMINISTERED a severe rebuke to Jenkins," said old Parson Johnson. 'I sent in a letter a pinch of salt, and told him to soak his conscience, and it might enable him to keep his word fresh over night" "What did he reply?" "He said there was no necessity to send him that pinch, as he was already director in the Salt trust
 IN Western town the other evening play was given by amateurs in which one of the scenes represented the stand ing army of the United States, consist ing of an officer and five soldiers sitting on bench. "You sec before you our noble standing army" exclaimed the hero to the low comedian. That's where you're off, replied the low com edian, "for it is now sitting And the audience applauded him for i've min utes, and called out the author of the play.
 A CANDIDATE for postmaster at Manis- tique, Mich, sent the following open letter to President Harrison: "Of course we are one of the many aspirants for the, to be, to-wit: new postmastership. Quite number arc around loose in the city, and the woods are full of them. We can all show scars received in the service of the grand old party. We can not all be postmasters, but do come and let us down from the high and dangerous aui vive of expectancy. Let us down easy like, or as easy as you can, from the giddy height, unless you have us pointed for the postmastership. In that case Let Ter go, Gallagher"
 Iris said that lone of the most success full literary bureaus in the country is managed by women." Of course. A man has no success with bureau. A woman can crowd moro articles in one arawer than man can jam into four. And when a man goes to bureau to sook for pocket-handkerchief, he turns over about two cart-loaSs of one thing and another without finding the object of his search, and while he is grumb bling loud enough to be heard all over the house, his wife comes into the room, pulls open the top drawer of the bureau, snatches a handkerchief and hands t to her angry husband. with the conciliat tory remark: elf it had been alive it would have bitten vou-''