Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1889-11-21
JOLLY BOB suRoEnE.
He Tells What He Would Do Could Ii
BE Changed Into . Woman.

He Tells What He Would Do Could Ha
BE Changed Into Woman.
What would 1 do if were womanf
/ wouldn't try to be man. Cut that
put and paste it on your looking glass,
daughter, and it will be an ornament Of
grace unto thy head and chains about
thy neck many times a day.
1 wouldn't shudder and groan every
time the name of the monster was mem
toned, but would studiously avoid ac-
quiring the Hghtest of his many accom-
plishments and the best of his manifold
ways
range or fireplace. Every time touched
q fire, summer or winter, would put it
dead out. Then I'd never be expected
to make one.
The first loaf of bread I baked would
let it drop on the dog and kill him.
Then I'd never be asked to bake bread
again, and I'd get new dog.
When descended into she laundry I
would manage to bring out all the fancy
fannels white as ghosts, and all the
shirts as blue as the sky of June. Then
I'd never be asked to assist at the wash
tub again
I would pinch every baby that was
given me to hold black and blue in
half dozen places before it could catch
its breath enough to shrek, and would
frighten the life Or tease the temper out
of any body's children whom 1 was
asked to amuse. Then I'd never be
troubled with other peoples young ones,
and nobody would ever ask me to teach
the infant class while the tired teacher
took a vacation.
If had to sit on the front seat when
asked to drive, I would carry large
sun umbrella and gouge the drivers
eyes out and run the team into fence
corner the first mile out Then I'd get
the back seat on the shady side every
time afterward.
I would always sit sideways in .
street-car. Then I would have plenty
of room.
I would wear a carriage dress in the
street-car if I had no other place in
which to show it of.
1 would smash something choice and
expensive every time L swept room or
busted a parlor. Then I'd never be
asked to do such work.
In church 1 would never rise during
the singing and never kneel during
prayers. Then people would notice me
and say: ''Who is that pretty girl with
such lovely eyes?"
At the theater I would wear the big
gest hat obtainable.
At cricket and lawn-tennis matches ]
would sit in the front row and raise nay
parasol-
l would cultivate such charming help,
lessness, such hopeless innocence, such
pretty, childish ignorance, such fasci-
mating dependence, such dainty baby
ways that people would say: so, we must
take care of her; she doesn't understand
these things" Then all my life long I
would be petted, and coddled, and
fondled, and cared for in thousand
ways where more Independent women
have to ''hustle" for themselves
That is, daughter, if other women
would care for such sweet little bit of
helplessness. May be they would. You
know better than do how women re-
gard that sort of woman.
But, you can gamble your peace of
mind, your love of ease and all your en-
joyments of life that the Monster Man
wouldn't torment the solitude of such q
woman with his presence longer than q
day or two, and she would thus be spared
one of the greatest annoyances to which
mankind is subjected.-Robert j. Bur-
dette, in Chicago Tribune.