Mower County transcript., 1889-01-30
What could be better than the lanclng


''But there is such u Variety" re-
piled the desperate young man.
The clerk accepted the compliment
with a polite smile.
"You must yourself admit" con-
tinued the stranger, ''that hesitation
is excusable under the circumstances. :"
"Perhaps it would be we'll to visit
the establishment"
THAT will suit me exactly"
whenever it will please you to do
so."
For the first time the two clerks dis
associated their work; one opened the
office door and stepped aside to allow
the guest to pass, and the other in
dicated the way with an almost affec-
tionate wave of the hand. The young
mans first impulse was to obey; but at
the, second step he changed his mind,
and said, timidlv:
II should first like to know how
much-in short, the terms.''
"The price, sir,'' replied from the
end of the room the voice of Mr.. Rich
ard Utterex himself, who had just come
in, ''varies with the class of accom-
mediation desired, and guests pay only
on leaving the house."
The young stranger seeming still un-
decided. his conductor gently placed
his hand upon his arm and invited him
to follow. Giving up all thought of
resistance he obeyed, and began his
tour of Euthanasia Villa.
In the large vestibule of a spacious
staircase the visitor was shown, with a
revcrential bow, which he involun-
tarily initiated, a large statue of the
great Schopenhauer, the patron of the
institution. Then they proceeded up
stairs.
A door opened; it was the chamber
called The Pistol Shot. Like all the
other rooms in the house, this was
light and elegantly furnished in mod
ern style. AS in all the others, too, it's
principal ornament was handsome
coffin in carved ebony; the cover was
placed crosswise on the box, as though
awaiting its occupant. There were
several divans and reclining-chairs
about the room; the bed was in rose
wood.
Every thing is conducted here with
the most perfect discretion" said the
guide; "a system of electrical currents,
moved by the report, divides in two,
lengthwise, whatever piece of furni-
ture the guest has chosen to commit
suicide on; long basket receives the
body before it has had time to stain
the furniture or the floor with a single
spot. Kindly observe that the walls
are upholstered with thickness of
four mattresses, 50 that it is impossi-
bic for any one on the other side of the
partition to hear the faintest sound,
however powerful the frearm used,
even though it were a small Krupp
cannon, such as you see there in the
corner Guests have all the time they
wish; we never hurry them. Each
room is provided with Library abun-
dainty furnished with the most melan-
choly works. Schopenhauer has been
translated for us into all the languages
Of the old and new worlds. Those ten
shelves are full of novels that end bad
ly. Upon the eleventh, preachers OF
various religions sound the praises OF
death. Some serious philosophers and
a few poets, Lucretius and Leopard,
occupy the twelfth shelf. AS for the
conveniences of life (before departing),
they leave nothing to BE- desired. A
telephone in each chamber ommuni-
Gates with the Office. Orders for meals
or whatever else is wanted are execut-
ed with the utmost promptness by
faceless automatons; we keep a whole
company of them here. This delicate
attention on Mr.. Utterex's part is gen.
orally very highly appreciated. for
people who are 80 disgusted with life
that they are ready to commit suicide
wish to see the human face no more.
Finally, will you kindly examine the
racks?-there you will find either ter
rible, elegant, or brutal instruments OF
sudden death.'
The visitor took down a pistol a nd
examined it.
One by one the stranger saw all the
philanthropic ideas imagined by Mr..
Richard Utterex. In the Asphyxia
Chamber, after having explained the
perfect obstructions that prevent air
from entering when once the door is
closed, the clerk proposed to the WIS.,
itor brief experience, so that he
might judge for himself of it's efficiency.
This offer, which is rarely accepted,
was declined, as charcoal and laugh
ing-gas have but little attraction as a
last resort. Tuberoses tempt more,
most of the suicide neophytes being
afflicted with sentimentalism. Large
masses of fresh flowers were every
where about the chamber, harmonizing
with the designs of the carpet and the
hangings.
"lf you would like special essence
you can have it. for we cultivate all
kinds of plants in the large conserva-
tory adjoining the hotel"
mo; it is very complete as it is."
And the inspection was resumed,