Iron County register., 1889-03-07
FULL OF FUN.

| Electric lights q said to scare
away the wild geese that do so much
mischief for California farmers.
The camel is said to have seven
| stomachs. He must feel like walk
ing beehive full of mad bees If he ever
has the collie. ic.-Burlington Free Press.
-Teacher-s.When does suicide be-
! come crimeP" Smart Boy-''When
it becomes a confirmed habit" Mon
sense, sir. Why is suicide crime?"
because it injuries the health"
-.But the worst of all isms," said
q lecturer on sectarianism. lis pugil-
| ism" II know worse one than that"
said lame man in the back of the
hall. What is it?" Rheumatism"
Boston Courier.
Miss Culture-''I had no idea you
were English, Mr.. Standish; / thought
you were an American. Mr.. Standish
IL am an Englishman born and
bred" Miss Culture-"Indeed! You
speak remarkably good English for an
Englishman. Puck.
Deacon White-'Sister Jones,
what seems to be de mattah with Brud-
der Jones?" Mrs. Jones+"De doctor
say he's got de remittent fever, sah."
Deacon White-''If dat's de case please
ak him, while de fever am on him, to
remit fur dat hog he bought FUN me las
Fall. IN. Y. World.
-"You remind me of hen sitting
on an old egg" said an editor of a
plagiarist who was working over an
old-time poem. ''Why SOP" asked the
reconstruction. Because you are
warming up an ancient lay."-N. Y.
Evening Journal.
IL haven't seen Miss Gushy
since I returned from music" re-
marked young Shallow. II wonder
what she will think of the mustache
have raised?" IF she is as affection
ate as she used to be to me-" returned
Merritt. II should say she would be
tickled to death.-N. Y. Sun.
-Mistress-"Why, Bridget, what in
the world are you doing with my new
dress on?" Bridget-''Sure, mum. it's
yerself what gave it to me-" Mistress
IL gave it to you" Bridget-"Yis;
yez said Oh cud have it as soon as yez
had worn it out, an begorra yez wore it
out yestherday afthernoon.-Har
Bazaar.
Professor (speaking)-''Above all
things eat slowly. Never be in hur-
ry at your meals" Mrs. Putupon
Whispering to her neighbor)-'I'm
glad my cook and housemaid are not
here. They spend two hours at dinner
now, and the other day Bridget told
me she was getting 'dyspepsy,' and
she thought it was because she ate so
fast.''
Miss Beacon (of Boston)-'tYou
Western girls are dreadfully slangy.
Do you know heard Chicago girl
say the other day that she would get
there with both feet" Miss Dear.
born-''Yes; we are somewhat given
to that sort of thing. Is it true that
Boston girls are-ah-as deficient of
beauty as they are said to beP" Miss
Beacon-''We may not be handsome;
but in the matter of culture we arrive
at our destination with both of our
pedal extremities. America.
Groom Cat their first meal at home)
why, my darling, this spread is
simply superb" Bride (enthusias-
tically)-"Yes, isn't it deliciousP"
'And yet you have no grip" ''No,
she didn't come" II had no idea, no
expectation at all, of such treat.
What treasure you are!'' ''You
didn't supnosa T cOuld ha an fhoTpht.
full. did you, dear?" ''Thoughtfulp"
"Yes. knew you'd be hungry, and
as I don't know thing about cooking,
Iengaged Monsieur Bigbill, the cater.
er, to serve our meals until the girl
came. ."-Philadelphia Record.