The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-10-24
WISE AND OTHERWISE.
Beecham'. Pills act like magic on

weak stomach,
j. G. Davis Old Soap is the cheapest
and best soap on the American market.
Man is not perfect, of course. but 40
long as woman is, it does not matter
Women are born gamblers. Other
wise they would never be so eager as
they are TO marry. $50.
Late hours tell on man, but he doesn't
seem to care as long as they don't tell his
wife, Yonkers Statesman.
The highest grade of impudence-to
wait in an umbrella shop for shower to
pass over.-FHegende Bldtter.
Old lady-"My dear, do you really
think you are fit to become a ministers
wife ?" Yes, indeed, don't mind being
tslked about"
Ted-"How is it that old fellow is con-
sihered the hest music teacher in the
city ?" Becau-es he charges more
than anybody else."
"Oh, mamma" said little Lord Faun-
tleroy, fresh from the city, pointing to
to Rome sunhowers, ''just see those pen.
wipers growing over there"
Policeman-"Do you have to take care
OF the dog ?" Nurse girl-"No I; the mic
sis says I'm tooyoung and inexperienced.
| only look after the children. life.
A swallow tail coat may be just the
proper thing for the bridegroom at a
fashionable wedding, but for an elope-
ment there is nothing like cut.away.
Peck'S Sun.
That's 1t r. exclaimed Mrs. Bascom
at the concert, as the singers came out
again In response to an encore. Make
EN- do it over again until they get the
hing right"
''Who was the first man, Tommy ?"
asked the Sunday school teacher, after
explaining that our first parents were
made from the dust OF the earth. "HeD-
ry Clay, ma'am."
Genial host-"Pathrick, me bhoy,
you've had quite enough to drink. Take
me advice 4; when ye get tn top of the
street yell see too cabs take the first
because, begorra, there's only one."
Miss Pyrte-"What makes you such
a confirmed woman hater, Mr. 0'etach ?"
Mr. Olebach-"Well, when / was a
young man, q woman made a fool OF
me. Mics Pyrte-' And you never got
over it 2"
Mother-"Strange that a big fellow
like our John should fall in love with
'hat living skeleton, Miss Besconhill r.
Nothing strange about it,.
Didn't yon ever hear of Jack and the
bean stalk p
Look out for counterfeits See that
Al O. n
not let the dealer sell you some Just as
good" but insist upon getting the gen
uine with the Bulls Head trademark on
the wrapper.
Railway accident this morning." said
Blinkins, a suburban citizen, af er he
had returned from his business in town
and met his wife at the station. "Is il
possible ?" Eyes the train was on time
both ways."- Washington Capital.
Mamma, mamma" sobbed little
three-year-old girl, running into the
whip the old hen. She won't let me see
the chickies. She dest lifted up her
dress, an they all run right under"
Ayers Pills. being convenient, effira-
cious, and safe, are the best cathar,ic,
whether on land or sea, in city or coun-
try. For constipation, sick headache,
indigestion. and torpid liver, they never
fail. Try box of them they are sugar
coated.
Enamored swaiu-"FOr you, darling.
i wad lay me doun and dec" Practi-
cal maiden-"That sort of thing is clear
out of date, Willie. What girl wants
do io n ,l,, =,
up and hustle for her. "-Terre Hdute
Cypress.
1T seems queer that yellow fever If
always packed in cases." remarked Mrs.
Snaggs. Il don't quite understand you,"
said her uiband. well, occasionally
| see in the papers that case of yellow
fever has arrived in New Yort. Pitts
burgh Chronicle,
We have speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
and Headache. in SHILOH'S CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price SO cents. Sold
by j. 7. Shurtleff. fr
Gentle sarcasm-"Mrs Mulligan," said
Mrs. Ginty, sis it well yer falin' the
day y "Yis, very well. !" AN shtrong z
"Yis, quite shtrong." "Then, p'r'apt
it's able ye'd be to bring back the TIVE
wash-luhs yez borried last Monday
Merchant Traveller.
Col. Peabody Q Cocktail is lunchng
and says to the lady " no Is sharing his
repast-"The afternoon wore on
Lady (interruptIng)-"What did II
wear ?" The colonel (after moments
refection)-"Why, the close of day, OIL
course. III London Neps.
The Bloom was high. First tramI
| (after a fruitless raid on a hen coop)-
bill, wonder what made that blamed
rooster fall off his perch and commence
to crow so Loud p Second tramp-"Yor
forgot to cover up your nose and hi
thought it WAS sunrise. "-To1n Topics
An estimable physician, who is dab
bling in real estate, recently forgot t
give the necessary Instructions alonG
with the prescription. On being aroused
from his sleep to tell the family how the
medicine was to be administered, Zone
half down, and the balance in one Oh
two years."
Be Your Own Doctor.
It won't cost you one-half as much
Do not delay. Send three 9-cent stampi
for postage, and we will send you DR.
Kaufman's great work, fine coloreC
plates from life, on disease, its causes
and home cure. Address A. P. Ordway
& Co., Boston, Mass. 1919
Softpate-"Whatcher think of the
dawg, Miss Sprightly Fine dawg that.
MISS Sprightly-"He is splendid crea
ture." Softpate-"I have refused COO
thousand for him-fact. assure you
Would it surprise you il told you that
dawg knows as much as l do ?" Miss
Sprightly-"Not at all."-Americd.
An event of lifetime. Teacher ia
boys in back part OF the room engaged
IN earnest conversation)E"Bo what
are you talking about p Confusion on
part of the bnys. Teacher-"Boys, de.
mand an explanation" One of the boys
(reluctantlyJ-"Please, ma'am, Ike says
Ills whiakers is beginnin' to push
Time.
An Anglo-Jndian lady boasted that her
Chinese cook was much cleaner than her
neighbors Indian chef. They visited the
respective Kitchens. The Indians pots