Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1889-02-15
THE WASHINGTON JOKE.
HOW CERTAIN MONSTROSlTlES WE'RE
FASTENED UPON AMERICANS.

One Who Has Long and Patiently suf-
fered from Its Ravages Unburdens His
Mind Regarding This Crying Evii-A
Boy Can Laugh ut Anything.
"Washington is not real man to us; he is
a steel portrait" said Bob Ingersoll and in
that sarcasm is bit Of very sound philoso-
ply. 1t is the tendency of all peoples to exalt
their heroes towards the rank of demigods.
Washington's real features are idealzed in the
standard portraits; a halo Of glory obscures
the Lactual Lafayette, and to many people
William Penn is scarcely more a historical
parsonage than Romulus or Agamemnon.
But the American sense Of hunor has re-
volted. Seeing no other way to dissipate the
semi-historic halo, the satirist has devised the
G. Washington joke. When one has laughed
at the impossibly good great man he can then
investigate with more impartiality.
There is the cherry tree and little Ratchet
story, for instance; how much fun the modern
paragraphs has made out of it, But it
never was fact Then there Is the
silver dollar-and Washington did throw
a silver dollar across the Potomac
as to which a statesman of the inha-
ton era unbent SO far as to say; There
was nothing wonderful in it-a dollar would
go a great deal farther then than now"
There are also the almost original G. Wash
ington joke of Artemus Ward, and the quite
aboriginal burlesques of Bill Nye and Annoy
Knox.
But here and now it is proposed to deal only
with the old stand bys, the fine old crusted
jokes. And at the head of the list hoary
with age, is that merely verbal transposition:
This is Birthingtons Washday." OF course
it was originally made by child or BOBBY,
perhaps by a laundering schoolboy. That
sort of thing is a favorite amusement with
children Listen to the progressive babble
of a group in their word building stage Of
life, thus: John jefferson, JEFF Jonnerson,
Jen Jefferson, Jof Jennerson, Jeffer Jonson,
Joffer Jenson," etc. This is one of the ways
they learn to talk. And Of this age was
born "Birthington's Washday."
No doubt it had hundred thousand BIRTH
places. Go to the Green Mountains and the
lathy Vermonter gives it to you with grin
as something quite new and refreshing. In
Oregon it Is perennial joke. Make your
bed In Philadelphia, it is there. Take the
wings of the morning and fly to the swamps
Of Louisiana, and the sallow creole enlivens
ington's Washday." AS joke there is abb
solutely nothing in it. And that's the reason
it lives The lowest capacity can catch on to
it. Even a Digger Indian who knows Eng
lish will smile at it. When you first heard it
in childhood you laughed immoderately; it
struck you as supremacy funny. Twenty
years later you could still smile, but only out
of politeness to tho speaker. At forty you
felt like hitting somebody. And now, in old
age, you smile again-not at the joke o, mol
but at remembrance of the time when you
could laugh at such lingual monstrosity
remember, as if it were but yesterday,
when first heard it. Approaching the door of
the village seminary on miserable Iebru-
airy morning, met 1.-THE cutest boy in Stone
burg" as we all admitted. His face was red
with suppressed fun, his jacket was almost
bursting with laughter, as he broke forth:
40, Johnnie, did you know this was
Birthington's Washday" For q half min
ute l stared; then the force Of the broken
backed perversion struck me in all its verbal
absurdity. l fell back against locust tree
and laughed. l sat on the plank walk and
laughed. Every time ] cooled down the
"cute boy" repeated it, and off we went
again. We saw the teacher at the window,
and crossed the street to the blacksmith shop
and sat on the bench and laughed. o happy
days, when we could laugh! For many year
that boy ranked in my estimation as 'just
too smart for anything"
"Crossington Washing the Delaware" is
another of the same sort, q little more elabo-
rate. Another is the standard query; If the
father Of his country could look on this ad-
ministration, what would he think of his
childrenr' But we are indebted to recent
humorists for many agreeable variations
Mark Twain modestly claims an improve
ment on Washington; "He could not tell
lie-I can, but l won't" Artemus Wards
dry humor has put many of the old anecdotes
about Washington where they rightfully be-
long, in the category of the ridiculous. The
'hatchet" has been laughed out of good So
ciety. Even the joke of the newspaper re-
porter's Ratchet" pinned upon his coat,
with the inscription, II cannot tell lie,"
has become stale. The original hatchet story,
and the remarkable dream of Georges
mother about his putting out the fire which
was destroying the house, were pure inven-
tons of good Mr. Weems, who got up
series of little histories for peddlers, and &C.
cording to the notions of the times added
some goody-good anecdotes of the Mary-had-
a-lttle-lamb order The same Mr. Weems
took Maj. Horry's notes ON Gen. Marion and
made them into a life" which is half
romance
Life, the humorous paper, gives this, which
must be credited as new:
THE THOUGHTFUL BOY.