Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1889-08-20
MISCELLANEOUS.
Girls Then and Now.

| lBY BANNER MAN" RURAL. RETREAT, Val
How things have changed siuce ''you and /
were young, MaggieI" The female woman
like every other article of commerce. has be-
come fearfully and woefully adulterated. In
fact it is hard to get the genuine article at any
price. It makes me sick at the liver to see the
country flooded with these cheap. paper cover,
! two decentralization girls. When was in
the bud and bloom of life a woman wac made
| of flesh and blood, but, alas for human great
ness, she is now manufactured out of wheat
bran, old newspapers and rags. Like all adul-
terations, she looks about as well and some
times better than the genuine article but she
can't stand the pressure. Why, bless your
soul, the girls ofmy day could stand $50 pounds
of hugging to the square inch, and do u big
days washing besides. Young man. I would
like to see you hug your wasp-wasted bundle
of adulteration in that style. Youwould break
her square off before you would get on twenty
five pounds of steam. Many poor fellow has
stopped before girl was half hugged for fear
of breaking her spinal monument. Hugging
nowadays is sorry thing. It's glory hGs de-
parted; and it hops around like an old pair of
Overalls in the wind. It is like eating honey
comb with the honey extracted. A man used
to hug girl like he was trying to keep her
from busting, and hold on like a dog to briar
root, but am panied to inform this wicked
generation of vipers that such glorious things
left about the same time that the razor-backed
gRfE ata rtlse saJaRr4aii aIlElle -wumsu IN '1ess
than a month. When fellow used to leave
his sweetheart he felt like great big man.
who had done great big thing that would
make him a bright and shining light in the
world. and that he had been holding about as
big slice of heaven in his arms MS is ever
dished ont to mortals here below. The ten
cent dude of to-day feels like he had been hug
| ging fire poker, and cold one at that. He
feels meek and lowly, and would thank come
humane person to skin him alive and hang his
hide up on a staked and ridercd fence to dry.
| You didn't have to spend a fortune on the
all-wool, yard-widc girls Of the sweet long ago,
when you sparked them. They never asked
| you to throw in the ice cream and oyster stews
as a premium. man didn't have to smell
like muskrat, part his hair in the middle aud
wear a striped scarf with a monogram pin in
| it to get along. They never asked you to
! prove yonr love by hiring teams, TO take them
out riding, while you made out with one shirt.
| When you called on your girl she never bored
You to death talking about esthetics or the OPP
era, but would shy over towards you and lay
her face on your white vest, Just like It be-
longed there. Then you wonld begin TO feel
like bloated bondbolder, and your heart
would flop around like an old Matching hen
with her head cut off. You would pat her on
the cheek to keep her blood in circulation and
she would take fit and throw her everlasting
arms of affection around your neck. This
made you think that heaven had suddenly slid
down on earth and setup in business, and that
it was about as good time for the millennium
to come as it would get Along in that neigh
borhood somewhere you generally broke the
ice, and asked her what the fraction was
But you did not make fool of yourself. You
did not make yourself ridiculous by telling her
that you would erect magnificent cdifce,
whose grandeur and beauty would knock
Solomon's out In one round; and
that you would usher her into its shining por-
tails and place upon her bangs a crown OF
neyer-fading gems, when you knew in your
soul that you never could earn more than sew
enty-five cents day to save your life. and
your wife would have to take in washing and
fry beef liver on the fire Goals. Oh, no, people
did not have the double-distilled gall to lie lik,
that. There was no talk about drifting to
, gether ON life's silvery sea, and anchoring un.
der golden clouds. Such luuacy had neyel
been dreamed Of then. No sensible man evel
thought of getting down on his knees, like
convicted sinner at a Methodist camp meeting
n and telling girl that her eyes were as brigh
as the stars that twinkle in the vault of heaven
her brow as white Us alabaster and her smil'
{ like the aurora borealis. He did not swear be
' fore the gods that he could not live Tithou
!. her, when it was racking his brain how he
4 could live with her. Such dime novel tall
d would have landed the smartest man in tht
e world in an insane asylum. All that was ne
4 cessary was to tell her that you would builc
the fires in the morning, and try to make he
e life as lively as a yellow jacket mp boy
breeches leg. and If there was tender spot II
her heart she would wilt like paper collar il
dog days, and stick to you like dirt to a boy
heel And when you married you could pa
yourself on the shoulder and feel as big as
country newspaper editor when he gets hi
first annual pass. OF course she could not "a
:, TO the piano and play marching Througl
II Georgia hut she could play march TO tn
kitchen that would cause man to rise mp AM
II call her blessed She couldn't hammer bras
is in seven different languages but she could ge
a dinner that made you glad you were born
She was not polished and refined. and neve
n put on the style that you see now, but abe hs
Df more good common sense than whole gros
At of your nickle-plated, machine-made giTls.
They do say that now and then you rul
acress one that reminds fellow of the mildewe
an past. and makes his soul pine for the ''ha
.s' BEEN but they are about as scarce as Reput
n licans at q Texas election.
~ o. you can't fool me; the glory of the Amel
icau female woman has about "bu'sted."