Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-10-24

to carry poor do.''-Life.
"Is there anything man cannot
do?" asks an exchange. We have
never yet found man who could scold
the children with his mouth full OF
pins.-Lawrence American.
Sullivan-Say Murphy, phwat tn divil
do tn thrae balls name over the pawn
brokers' doure? Murphy-Oi fought
ivry intelligent mon knew they names
fait', hope an charity.-Time.
Dervish means "one who lies at the
door," 1t is not proper 10 call a re-
turned fisherman dervish, for he
begins it as soon ms he gets YIN the
ferryboat.- Francisco Alta.
Head Clerk-rm letting my whiskers
grow, sir. $50 / see, but l can't
permit employees to grow their
whiskers in business hours. They
must do that in their own time. To
ronto Grip.
Young Wife-Ach. how fortunate
/ am in possessing husband who
always stays at home in the EVENING"
Bosom Friend-Yes, your husband
never was much addicted to pleasure.
-Fliegende Blaetter.
"My dear sister, you should make
point of blushing when the Duke
speaks to YOU
"But cannot"
"Then the Duke is not the man he
used to be. Pickle Up.
Returned Traveller-sI have often
thought of that young Mr.. Tease, and
how he used TO torment Miss Auburn
about her red hair. Did she ever get
even with him?" Old Friend-"Long
ago. She married him. New York
Weekly.
Inquiring spectator Cat the races)-
(which horse was it that WOMB
Speculative spectator (gloomily) ID
don't know the name of the horse
that won, but / know the names of
most of the horses that didn't win. -
New York Weekly.
Tompkins-'Heard you left the
clearinghouse, Jack" Jack-ssYes;
the landlady was far too modest for
me- Tompkins = Modest - how's
thatw Jack-''O, she insisted that
we eat dressed beef at every meal. ~
kearney Enterprise.
"Oh, doctor, don't know what to
do with poor William. He's working
himself into an early grave. Can't you
suggest something to prevent him go
ing down hill SO rapidly?"
"He might try the legislature,
There the decline is only
gradual"
A little tot before tumbling into her
nest, the other night, offered her slum-
her prayer as follows:
Now lay me down to sleep,
pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If should die before l wake
Il wouldn't die for hundred dollars),
pray the Lord my soul TO take.
New Bedford Standard. |
''ls there anything that can do for
your" asked the hotel clerk of a seedy |
looking man.
"Yes, sir; you can loan me So"
''But Pm not going to do it.D
"No. ] didn't think it. l merely |
wanted to answer your question:
Merchant Traveller.
Goode Catche-"By Jovel What a
creature May Blossom is.v
Miss Chevious-"Indeed."
Eo0da Cofcho- tsNas. -.
she's so well poised, SO sure of her
self,
Miss Chevious-"Well, she ought to
De; she has known herself long
enough. Time.
"What have you for me this morn
ng?' said Blinkins, as the letter car
Ter approached. "Something i'm
,ortant, l suppose" "No, sir; only
| couple of postal cards. One of them
$ an invitation to the TomahawkC Club.
md the other is from your wife ask
ng you to meet her ut the train. -
Capital.
She Gas he steals kiss)-Why. Won
obberl | shall have you arrested for
arceny from the person.
He kissing her once more)-Very
veil; l have given it back. If Won
make that complaint against me shall
barge you with receiving stolen
property knowing it to be such.-Law-
ence American.
Tommy-Are we going to take the
at with us when we go to see grandma
ext week?
Mrs. Figg-Of course not. What
makes you ask such foolish questions?
Tommy-'Cause / heard pa tell Mr..
'raggs that the mice would have a
Ugh old time while the cat is away
ext week, that's all.-Terre Haute
Express.