Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-03-21
MARRIAGE USUALLY A SUCCESS
A Letter From st. LOUIS.

question is Marriage failure?
Every body, in fact, who Knows any
thing about the business, theoretically
or by experience, or who supposes Ii
knows anything about it or who think!
he should know anything, has taker
up the song and cited everything tha
had faint resemblance to bearing Oh
the matter. from the smash-up occas
ioned by Mr.. Paris stealing Madam
Helen from her Greek lord, to the split
up between the Crazy Jones and his
wife, nee Miss Sarah Mulcahey, in 8
tie-chopper's shanty down in Arkan.
saw.
Some peculiar questions have assert
ed themselves to me, while others have
been bearing the hearts of their pros.
perity. They are only the practical
questions that will rise up and haunt a
"Quaker" or any body who has attain
ed to the exquisitelv delightful degree
of estheticism that permits man to
smile blandly over breakfast of cold
coffee, leaden bread, and butter patent
to pull street car.
Suppose we debate one of these sub
stitutes: "What is expected of mar
riage."
If man expects that, on pronounc-
ing the vows. he can hang up his hoe,
direct the "old woman" how to plant
the Tobacco and cure it, and then ex-
poets to spend the brief winter days in
bed, reading Robert Elsmere,". with
the backlog always roaring, while he
enjoys as pleasant a smoke of his pipe
as when he fixed up his own weed. di-
verting his thoughts once in awhile by
wondering how long before she'll be in
with the milk-why then, in some
cases, marriage might not just fill the
bill.
1t would be a good idea if some one
would state just what marriage was
expected to do. Then we could settle
mighty quickly whether marriage had
done it. The world has had some few
trials. If George Washington expect
ed it to supply the world with lot of
little men who could not lie, he was
badly left. 1t is painful to relate that
Mr.. Washington secured no heirs: but
if his aim was to supply the country
with model for martha Washing
ton parties, teas, gowns and quilts" it
was a decided success.
The "Quaker" has a vague idea of
the subject of marriage, although he
never tried the institution, personally,
owing to the fear that some Of our prac-
teal American girls entertained to the
ent partner, might not be as much q
success as some others which they had
read about had been. All that "Quak-
er" knows about marriage was that of
his own father and mother. He con-
siders it was an elegant success. Per-
haps some who have known Linn
thoroughly will not concur, but it
does not change his opinion, and so the
question will probably not be decided
for some time. But he thinks society
in general will agree with him. "Quak-
er's" belief is based cn bis having had
the inside track on knowledge of
pleasantly picturesque home near a
lively country village among the west
ern New York hills, which was pre-
sided over 10y quiet, sweet faced, low
ing mother, who would darn hole in
"Quaker's" embryo trousers,
after he had elm bed too rapidly over a
fence in pursuance of a patent invita-
tion from an anxious bull dog, or who
would wash the molasses out of bis
hair after he had los: his equilibrium
over the chimes Of "a suruptively sought
maple sugar barrel; or could get up in
the house before dawn, grope the cold
room for a match, and then slip up
stairs and apply balm to soothe case
of collie induced by too many forbidden
apples, and could do all this without
denouncing the little shaver as a
troublesome brat" Presided oyer, in
the absence of firm. but kind and just
father, who relieved her of the same
boys government the moment he en-
tered the house, and kept it up. with a
shingle sometimes, until he left.
Yes, that marriage was not failure
by the "Quaker" and few other just
as good boys and girls.
Failures usually destroy themselves,
and sink into Oblivion because they
Ieaye no monuments to recall them to
the minds of society, which is absorbed
by the memory of things which have
proved successful. On these premises
the question will occur "If marriage is
failure who is it that is discussing
that failure:" Once in awhile man
turns up who has become convinced
that his parents marriage was dead
down bottom-something in fact which
had been better left out of the worlds
history. Or, it should be stated, not
that such a man turns up. but that his
body turns up; for the coroner sits on
him, and edifies the world by remark
ing confidently that be committed
suicide.
Capt. Marryatt's book, Midship-
men Easy, tale is related to this ef-
feet: Mr.. Easy's father worked for
years on a machine which, if a success,
would enable man to mould his head
to anything. If he desired Henry
Clay head, it could be had by fastening
tho tl,;rr oro,,nd bis head adjusting