Pullman herald. [volume] (Pullman, W.T. [Wash.]) 1888-1989, 1889-12-21
HONEST CARL DUNOER
The Old Fellow Is Catching On to Ane
lean WAYS at Last.

lean Ways at Last.
"Hellol Mr.. Dunderr saluted Sergeant
Berdall as that individual entered the
Central station, with broad, satisfied
smile on his countenance,
Hello. Sergeant Vhas eaferythings
all right NIT you?"
Il guess so. You look happy"
Sergeant, | vhas shust like sweet oil.
No more troubles for me. vhas catch
ing on to do shust like Americans"
Il am glad of that. You used to be
terribly green"
$50 l vhas. Three months ago doan
know some beans in bag. Hal ha!
Der cows come along und take me for
some grass If it rains l shtandt right
out doors ind get wet. Ha! ha! 1t
makes me laugh when | see how green /
vhasi'
Anything happened lately?" queried
the sergeant, in careless way.
''Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try
to beat me, but dey doan' make oudt. l
vhas too sharp for EN-. One Teller comes
along nit six pairs of sheep-shears in
bundle. He doan' want to sell dose
Su6dES, DuG Llc lJhtS W bOIION bIICC WI
lars for one day und leaf 'em for secur-
ity. If he doan' come pack in one day
dose shears vhas mine"
II see."
HE doan' come pack. Maybe he
break his leg or something, but dot vhas
nothing to me. l keep dose shears. If
somepody beats me, sergeant, he shall
hat to get oop very early in der morn
ing"
Il presume So Have you the shears
there?"
Il hat. I belief you like TO see EN-"
''They are worth two shillings pair"
said the sergeant, after an inspection
'You are out of pocket fourteen shill-
ings, and what do you expect to do with
sheep-shears?"
'Heafens! 1 doan' think of dst!''
gasped Mr.. Dunder' as ne grew whits in
the face.
ANY thing else?"
''Vhell, get my life insured. Idoan'
belief vhas sheated by dot. A feller
comes along und says vhas l Carl Dan
der? l vhas. Well, der President of
der United States says he likes me to
call on you and insure your life. Dis
vhas a new company md new idea,
let you in by der ground floor. l Ike
your name to influence odder people.
How vhas dot new idea?'
''You pay only two dollars eatery
twenty years, and if you die your wife
gets ST., 900. 1t vhas der biggest thing
out. Shildrens cry for it. Vanderbilt,
Shay Gould, Russell Sage und all der
big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you
vhas-who vhas your grandmother-bow
many teeth have you lost oudt-vhas
you eater bit by some dogs-did you eafer
own white horse-how often you fall
down stairs-do you ride on some bicy-
cles, und dis vhas der truth, der whole
truth, und nothing but der truth"
''And he wanted the two dollars in adj
vance," queried the sergeant.
''Of course. Dot was to pay for
shwearing me-"
well, you are beaten again, Mr.. Dun
der. Insurance men don't do business
that way. Good dayT
"How you mean?"
"You had better go home. Have you
got tub in your house?"
''Of course"
ANY bran at the barn?"
eyes"
"Well, make the tub about half full
of mash and then put your head to soak
for about forty-eight hours. When
through buy some No. sand-paper and
polish it down to the bone"
Sergeant, vhas some greenhorns?"
''You are
''Vhill eafer learn something's"
Never"
''Then, goodbye! I shan't try no
more. 1t vhas queer country, und
nothing vhas der same two times alike.
When my body was brought in here
doan' make fun of it. Shust use it shent-
ly und say dot 1 did so well ash l could"
Detroit Free Press.