Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-09-20
A rEACHER,s EXPERIENCE.


The city Girl In Country school En-
counters Normal Certificate.
Ninth paper by George r. Vandalear. In the
New York Evening Post.
"Help yerself TO some o them cakes, DIR.
Pyk," said Mrs. Zeke. Don't he back
ward in coming forward. That's what l
say, still, to them that sits around my table,
which it's somethin' never had to say to
Martin Luther. He was never backward
about dnythin, much less about his meals.
% He was backward about his 'rithmetic,
wife, when he went to school," corrected
Mr.. Zeke, with conscientious gravity.
' Rithmetic be blowed! That what 1
say remarked Mrs. Zeke, with an air of
"Gimme History of tho World ruther
than 'rithmetic," said Martin Luther
"That History of the World sold on'y by
subscription, that bought Off that agent
its the most powerful interestin' book
ever read outn. That there agent came to
this town jess special to see me. He tole me
his own self as how he'd heard tell I'm Lam
caster that was the most literal man in
this here township. l was readin' out of II
out all about them ancient generals over i'm
Europe, like Napoleon, an Wellington, an
Bonaparte, an Waterloo. an all the rest of
'em. Rithmetic? What's rithmetic!
amt nothin' in 1t for no literal mammoth
in at all! When want to read arter this,
Pm voin to read out'n my History of the
World or else the Declaration of Inde-
pendence or else the Bible. When went
to college," he continued, with his most
consequential air, for he believed that he
had an appreciative audience-"when |
went to college. used to like to read Wir-
gil. WirgiPs interestin,' teacher, an I'd
recommend you TO its perusal but mebbe
you don't happen to know Greek Not
much! I'm sorry. DIR. Pyk," said he, sud
denly turning to that gentleman, "was you
ever to colege?"
The fact that he had for few m onths
frequented the halls of the preparatory de-
partment of a small college was to Martin
an undying source of glory and boasting.
business before him, and up to the present
moment had not paid the slightest atten
ton to Martin.
"No," he replied shortly, looking up
from his plate for the first time. 81 never
was to college, but seen that'n at Lancaster
oncet. College fellers, find accoriin' to
my observation, is ginerally asses. You
Kin tell 'em by their iggerence an the size
o. their ears
These crushing remarks failed to stagger
Martin. Nothing ever wounded his self
esteem.
CDR. Pyk," said he, condescendingly,
"bein as you never DdS to college, bu L
only seen one oncet, its incompatible with
discretion to make your opinions pub
kitty. You'd better be more re-ti-cent
nothin on"
"Well, / less be swanged ~ exclaimed
the doctor, dropping, his knife and fork
with clatter, "ef here amt another o,
them unbrjged, Bible sized spellin books
Where in the blue blazes did you learn all
them big words?'
'I're been TO college, DIR. Pyk.'
SAN that's where they stuffed your one
story garret full O. the rubbish that you fire
out o your yardwide mouth in yard long
words is it? I'm swanged eff didn't Jess
knoW it,"
"Yard-wide mouth ?" said Martin, not in
the least nettled or abashed by the doctors
rude personalities. An it's a mouth to
his own self only last week. You got
mouth on you, SIR he says, 'as any gen
tleman ought to be proud on. It's the most
comfortablest mouth to work on ever
SEEN. Which it takes pretty big mouth
to do as much public speakin' as do, and
I'll have heap more to do Of | git to the
Legislatur' next winter. I've got a speech
on the tariff all writ out now"
I smiled at the idea of a tariff speech in
the Legislature, although such speeches
have been delivered in that august body
within the past year, just as arguments
pro and con on the currency and national
banking systems have been delivered there,
when these questions were national issues.
"What do yoU know about the tariff"
asked the doctor, with great contempt.
"Youd better let the Legislatur' alone an
stick to your store. If you want to eXer-
else that mouth you're so proud on, do IT
in your Sunday school-make your tariff
speeches there" And the doctor chuckled
softly at the humor of this suggestion.
That's so, Martin that's SO, " said Mr..
Zeke impressively. 1.-THE Sunday schools
better'n the Legislator, an man has but II
few days to live, and politics Is corrupt.
Not, " he added, turning to Mr.. Pyk-"not
that Martin amt all right as far as he goes,
on'y he don't go far enough If he'd only
perfess sanctitication, now, as well as re-
lgion----" -....
IL tell Ze1e frequent, " interrupted that
gentleman's better half, "that I'd rather
perfess nothin' but pure cussedness than
sell buttermilk.
"Oh Zeke thinks he's goin' to heaven on
a fast-line express" exclaimed DIR. Pyk.
But he's on the wrong train. You can't
Ony one church, which the Apostles
founded their own selves. You're AIDE
partn' after strange gods, an "A desertin
of the 'postolic faith, an SO forth, lessen
you join my church, Zeke."
don't take any stock in that church,"
declared Martin. ITS delusion and a
snare. That's what say, an rll stick to
it. l know all about it, an the deciples
never started ii, either You kin find out
all about it in my History of the World,
an say that Peter, an'!James, an John
an Moody an Sankey, an the rest o the
'postles-which, of course, you know their
names without my tellin' 'em over-never
didn't have nothin' to do with foundin' that
church. ] stick by the church that George
Washington belonged to; what was good
enough for him is good enough for me-"
collie" said Mrs. Zeke, "YOu may
fetch in them melons now. Ollies so
plagued foolish" she added as her daughter
departed. - She says it amt proper to put
the dessert on the table with the other
victuals, but as how it ought to be brung
in afterwards which it's my opinion if
they's somethin' else to eat, folks ought TO
know it. Hope youns aint got suiii-
cheney YETI"
Before the close OF the school term for
the summer vacation the even tenor of my
school life was broken by the arrival of IA
Normal Certificate and the directors
seemed to be especially interested in the
matter. | did not understand what it all
meant, but | was not destined 10 remain
long in ignorance. The Importance of the
arrival was explained To me in IA very un-
expected manner by the president of the
board himself lie called upon me one
evening to notify me that the wintcr-term
election would take place AT the end of the
session. | gathered from his manner and
the impressive tone of his voice that the
winter-term election would be most sol.
emn and awe-insprng event. He further
informed me that had a rival in the field
in the person of the Normal certificate.
"Ne don't like to let dis iance osgape, -
said the president of the board.
"What chauCe?" | asked,
"Dot Normal Ccrdiligate,n - he replied
solemnly. "Normal cerdifigatcs is always
dakeu reiore auydings You hat not ctci
a Bermanend lpermancntl cerdihgTie.
"No, ~ | aCquiCsced meekly, "mine /,
only a provisional certificate. so | am Il