The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1889-07-20
The TRIBULATION OF WOMEN

lnE nlbULA lUN OT WUW EN-
The following from the pen of some
unknown writer is a capital portraiture
in humorous style of many little evils
which the sterner sex may read to ad-
vantage:
1t is a dreadful bother to be woman
and do the business up in good shape.
In the first place you've got to look
well or else you are nobody. A man
may be ever so homely and still be pop
ular. Whiskers cover up the most OF
his face, and if he does wrinkle bad on
his forehead, his friends speak of his
many cares and thoughtful disposition,
and tell each other that his wrinkles are
lines of thought. Lines of thought,
indeed, when in all probability his fore
head is wrlnkled by the bad habit he
has got SCCwllug at his wife when the
coffee isn't strong enough.
A woman must always be in good
order. Her hair must always be frzzed
and banged, as fashion demands, and
she must powder if she has a shining
skin and she must manage to look
sweet, no matter how sour she may
feel her dress must hang just so, and
her boot buttons always in place, and
her finger nails always clean and then
she mustn't whistle, nor climb fences,
nor stone cats, nor sCold when she's
mad.
She can't 90 alone, because ladies
must be protected. She can't go any
where when it rains, because her hair
won't stay frizzed, and she'll get mud
Oh her petticoat, etc. She can't be
free mason, because she would tell their
secrets, and everybody would know
about the goat and gridiron. She can't
smoke, because that would be unfash-
ionable she can't 60 courting because
that would not be womanly. But she
must get married before she is 25, or
everybody will feel wronged. People
will sigh over her and wonder why it is
that men "don't seem to take" and all
the old maids and widows will smile
and keep quiet. Oh, these smiles and
these significant looks They are ten
times more than open ISLANDERS.
1t is terrible to be an old maid.
Everybody knows It, and the women
who are married to drunken husbands,
and who manage to quarrel with them
SIX days out OF seven, will live in agony
of spirit over the single woman, and
call her the poor old maid.
A woman must marry rich CT she
don't marry "well." And to marry
"weIl" is the end and aim of a woman's
existence, judging from the view which
people in general take of this matter
1t is everybody's business whom a
woman marrles. The whole neighbor-
hood put their heads together and talk
over the pros and cons and decide
whether she is good enough for him
| (there is nothing said about being good
enough tor her) And they criticize the
shape OF her nose and relate anecdotes
as to how lazy her grandfather was, and
| how her Aunt Sllie used to sell beai
buttermilk \ woman must wear No
I boots on No. 3 feet, and she mus
manage to dress well on IS cents E
week, and she mustn't be vain, and she
must go regularly to the sewing society
meeting, and be ready to dress doll:
and make tides and aprons for church
fairs. She must be a good cook, anC
she must be able to "do up her hus
bands shirts so that the Chinese wash
ermen would groan in envy and gnast
their teeth with the same unholy pas
sion at the sight of them.
She must always have the masCulin>
buttons OF the family sewed on so they
viii never come off while in use, anC
she must keep the family hosiery 81
| that nobody would ever mIstruSt there
were toes in the stocking while ther,
we're not. She must hold herself il
constant readiness to find everything
her husband has loSt-and a man new
er knows where to find anything. HI
will put his boots carefully away on tht
parlor sofa, and when he has hunte(
for them halt an hour he will suddenl'
appear to his wife with a countenanc,
like an ayenging angel and demand
"What in thunder she has done witt
with his boots.''
She must shut all the doors after he
lord and master, and likewise the bu
reau drawers. 1t would be as unnatur
al for him to do Ii as for a hen to 60 il
swimming for rccrcation.-But he sit
to Gust finish this piece in the paper,
and waits till she has got the sheets t
a comfortable tempe rature. All, ther
are great many tricks in the trade G
living together. a woman is expecte'
to take care of the baby even after tn
first infantie wonder has multiplied in
to round half fdozen. And if
doubles up with the colo or trials {