Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1889-04-18
AN UNFORTUNATE WIT.

AN UNFORTUNATE WIT.
How . Hoosier's Little Game Was Spoiled
by q Fellow from Missouri.
Jim Frank Bell, an Indiana village
wit. while in Chicago the other day,
found much amusement at the Eden
Musee. He cared nothing for the
groups of historical personages, nor
for the music, but was greatly taken
with the naturalness of the wax figure
of a tramp that stands in the front
corridor. A humorous idea occurred
to Jim Frank Bell. 81 will" he
unused. .have some fun right here.
will play trick that will tickle Alb
Tucker and lobe Walker an the other
fellers mighty nigh to death when l
git back home an tell 'em about it. l
will pass myself off for one OF these
here wax fOlks.'
While no one was looking he took a
leaning position against the WALL and
stood with downcast eyes. Two young
women came in.
THAT'S quite natural figure" said
one of them, pointing at Bell.
81 don't know" the other one re-
piled. ..His mustache looks as ii the
hairs might have been put in with a
pegging-awL"
eyes. that's so; and in order to
make him look like drunkard. they
have put too much red paint on his
nose"
They passed in. Two men came into
the corridor. '.HallOa," said one.
..they have put up another bum since
we were here the other day."
Yes, and he doesn't reflect any
credit on his profession"
"A glaring caricature, at best"
mo, at worst, for there is nothing
best about him."
They passed on, and shortly after
yard there came out of the musee a
half-drunken fellow from Missouri.
He had, on account of misbehaviOr,
been ordered out of the house; and,
smarting with anger, he stopped in
the corridor He carried a hickory
cane.
'.Come shown me around like a
dog!'' he muttered. "Wish l had my
crowd. I'd break up every thing in
the house. There you are Cooking at
Jim Frank Belly! Like to have you
down in Missoury. I'd make a skeer-
crow outen you"
He looked all around and then took
a large quid of long-green tobacco out
of his mouth.
"A crow wouldn't come in hun
dred miles Nv SIGH thing ez you air
ct he had hearn tell NV that nose"
A devilish expression crossed his
face. He looked around again, and
shen with a terrific "spat," he drove
The quid of masticated tobacco into
Bells eye. The village wit, with a
yell, leaped high in the air, and the
Missourian, frightened at so unex.
pected a performance, whacked Bell
over the head with his hickory stick
and quickly wheeling about took to
his heels. When number of people,
attracted by the frightful yell, rushed
to the spot, they found Jim Frank Bell
lying on the floor. He was uncon-
scious, and a.lump, about the size OF
a goose-egg, had gathered on his
head. He was taken to hospital,
and, after several days treatment,
was able to go home and regale Alb
Tucker and lobe Walker with his
joke.
As the Missourian was in Chicago,
no attempt was made to detect and
arrest him, although the newspapers
spoke OF the incident as can attemp4
to commit murder in broad daylight
at popular place of amusement.
The Missourian sent the following
letter to a friend:
MY DEAR FEB: This here is the
blamedest town l ever saw. A man
amt safe here even when he amt in
danger. 1t takes so much hus' ling ter
git along here that even the wax fig
gers in the shows air alive. / thought
I'd have a little fun with one Nv them
an hit him in the eye with chaw
terbacker an dinged sf he didn't jump
ten feet high. This skeered me, tell
you. Why, down in our country, when
things wax, it's wax; but when a
things wax up here. you don't know
whuther it is or not. Wall, sir, when
that thing jumped didn't know whut
1t mout do next, so / ups with my stick
an give him crack that laid him out.
L have been. robbed twice sense come
here, but as have stole a putty good.
lookin' pistol an a pair NV saddle-bags,
reckon l am putty nigh even. Ar
kansaw Traveller.