Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-07-05
THE JoKER.s BUDGET.

A wEr1-BRUsHHD ooat-Tbe coat Of
paint.
The Life Of man-Created. edu-
Gated, mated, belated, eIated, berated,
cremated.
IT is mighty curious how big some
sins look until after q man has com
mitted them himself
METAPHoRIcALLY speaking, milk is
akin to the baby, but the relationship
is somewhat strained.
IF a boy and half eat a green apple
and half IN q minute and a half how
viii they feet in an hour and a half?
"WHY 60 you pour the vile liquor
down your throat ? asked the philanthrO-
pist of the topper. 81 am seeking for
get-full-ness, said the topper to the phi
lantrophist.
MISS WEsEEND (conf
Saphead proposed to me last night.
Rival Belle-Did he? When I refused
him III the afternoon he said he was
going to do something desperate.
FIRST TEACHER think it is a shame
that the city pays no more respect
hen veteran teacher dies. Second
teacher-What would you have them
do? First Close the schools
and give US holiday?
SIXTEEN years after her burial the
coffin of a Winnipeg woman was opened
and the body found petrifed. She had
her mouth open, however, which goes
to show THAT she was game even when
1t came to turning to stone.
WE are bold to affirm that a South
eTn man has some rights, although he
may not have a drop of African blood
in his veins We know this is strong
language, but we are prepared to stand
by 1t, no matter who may gainsay.
Mr.. DE DUDE Ito his best girls little
brOther)-I notice you always come
into the parIor to amuse yourself with
me while your sister is dressing.
Little Brother (complainingIy)-W
else is there to do? Pop won't buy me
a monkey.
IT was at an Austin hotel table that
a child attracted considerable atten-
ton by saying repeatedly, Mammal
want a cake. "YOu have had five OF
six already" replied the mother.
'"Ihem's not the ones I want want
a fresh cake"
LITTLE JOHNNY witnessed q military
drill. One of the officers rode a horse
which was unruly, and in some of his
antics nearly threw his rider. where
upon little Johnny exclaimed, excited
ly: Mamma, mamma, Mr. Fissels'
horse don't fit him %
Mrs. DUHPsEY (appearing at the
back door, Ohnnie, run down to Mr..
Smiths and get me an yeast cake.
Johnnie (without looking up from his
game of solitaire marbIes)-You told
me not to stir out Of the yard to-day,
and I amt going to.
WIGGINs looking at the result Of his
wife's shopping I suppose we
may be able to make use of some of this
stuff some day, but where are the
shoes you said Bobby needed. Mrs.
Wiggins-Bless my heart, I forgot
them! I spent all day at the bargain
counter, you know.
Miss CLARA (tO Mr.. Paperwate at
dinner)-Mr. Paperwate, Will you have
hot biscuit? I made them myself.
Mr.. Paperwate- Delighted, Miss Clara,
and Pm doubtful if one will suffice.
Miss Clara-Oh, thank you, Mr.. Paper
waite! VIII you have one, Bobby?
BObby-NO, Stree!
HOW SHE ACCEPTED HIM.
In a tea gown rare, all trimmed with lace,
And tinted, like her shell-fair face
With dainty pink she poured my tea,
And smiled with dinpling cheeks, at me-
Until L felt, though tea lOaGhe,
That if my plain life she would clOthe
With her sweet tea-gown self I d drink
OF tea, and eat of toast, and think
That food and drink for gods, to these
Compared, we're naught but dust and lees.