Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-08-21
EDWARD WAS PATRIOTIC.
He Never Flinched in War, and Ne
Drinks Mineral wafar

He Never F1inched in War, and Never
Drinks Mineral Water.
"Hellol Bless me if Ed. Rand isn't here
again. Well, Mr.. Rand, you havn't been
here now for almost.a week, have your"
Judge Buckley thus greeted the irrepres.
sible Edward on his one hundred and thir.
tieth appearance in the Police Court YES.
terday. Edward hung his head and
looked penitent.
well" continued the Judge, Ego ahead
and tell us all about it-how it happened
this time"
The spectators craned their necks and
everybody paid strict attention, for Edward
had been there before, and his humorous
proclivities were well known.
We'll, Judge" began Edward sadly, ST
don't think as how / orter been arrested.
| wasn't stsggerin'. was purity full, but
l could walk"
You are charged with common drunk
enness," suggested his Honor.
mo"
Yes
Judge, I'm an old soldier, an fought
all through the war, an -"
Excuse me-" interrupted the Judge.
but which side did you fight on?"
"On ther Union side, you bet"
Policeman Carroll arose and said, "I'll
state, your Honor, that that was not the
side found him on yesterday
Eyes, it was. you betn said Edward
angrily; "ther Union first, last and all the
time"
LET me see," said Judge Buckley, re-
fectively; you have no counsel have you,
Mr.. RANDI"
Nope"
There's Mr.. E. G. Hart, there. 1 think
he will volunteer his services in behalf of
an old soldier, will you not, Mr.. Hart?"
MIR. Hart had very important engage.
ment to fulfill elsewhere, but suggested
that If Mr.. Rand would consent to two
weeks continuance of the case, he would
then be at liberty.
- Bat Mr.. Rand could not see the Joke in
remaining two weeks in Jail to await the
attorneys convenience, so he declined the
kind offer with thanks.
Now, Mr.. Rand" resumed the Court,
after Mr.. Hart had left, cant you tell us
how you happened to get on this last
drunk2"
"Well, Judge, you see, was very sick,
and thought would take some beer and
gin to strsighten me up"
us that good?"
ooh, fne.''
why, should imagine mineral water
would be the best thing for sick people,"
The mention of mineral water caused an
expression of extreme disgust to envelop
Edwards countenance. Mineral water is
for dudes" said he, mot for Americans
Edward" continued the Court, shave
you any idea how many times you have
been brought before me in this Court Pr
"Oh, Lord, no. Give up couutin' long
ago. But, Judge, you know I'm an old
soldier and fought"
Eyes, yes; l know all about that. !
have often read of your exploits"
Have your"
Eyes"
Clerk Larkin volunteered the informa-
ton that he had known the prisoner dur
ing the war, and knew that he was always
at the head of his regiment-when re-
treat was sounded.
The look that Edward bestowed upon the
tacetious clerk almost withered him on the
spot. IF ever did that" he said, shak-
ing his head slowly, 81 orter been shot in
the back"
Upon being asked what he thought
would be the proper sentence he should
receive, Edward was non -committal His
Honor thought twenty-five days in the
County Jail would be about right, and as
Edward did not exhibit any disapproval
it was presumed he thought so, too.