The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-05-29

Papa's pants fit Johnnie now.
-Drdke'S Magazine.
SECRETARY PRocToR's private secretary
is named Partridge. He will not quail be-
fore the ofiice-seekers. - Washington Critic.
IT is never too late to mend, but If the
mending had been done earlier the patch
would have been Misunderstanding PENN
Telegram.
II was a mean city editor who sent the
new reporter over to the city clerks office
to get list of the poets licenses. -LdD-
renee american.
A ST.. LOUIS drayman made his mule
drunk just for fun, the other day, and the
mule bit off three of the drayman's fingers
to make it as funny as possible.
SOME dogs were blown up and scattered
about with dynamite in Chickahominy
swamp, the other day, and the wicked
Washington papers spoke of the remnants
as fractional currency.
ABOUT this time of the year the family
wood-pile becomes so distasteful to the
small boy that he thinks seriously of ship
ping as a pirate, preferring the sea to the
saw.-7erre Hdute Express.
AN Ohio paper has this pleasant word for
retiring member Of its staff Jesse Allen,
former local editor of this paper, has ac-
cepted a position as off-bearer in a saw-mill
at New Plymouth. Jesse is well fitted for
the position and we wish him unbounded
success"
He had taken the journalists course in
college, and in his first effort at real bust
ness informed an admring world that che
was pulled out from under the cars and life
was extinct, the victim dying in great
agony few hours afterward. "-Lawrence
american.
THE following true incident of recent oc-
currence is practical illustration of the
workings of Vermonts new fish law:
Small boy to older brother: 81 say, Ted
what's the use of throwing the fish back?
They'll be dead by the time / get 'em
measured
AN Indian uprising" was reported in
this state few days ago. 1t occurred at
the Indian school at Carlisle and was caused
by one pupil placing bent pin on the seat
of another. The uprising is said to have
been painful, but of short duration-Norris-
torn Herald
A New BEDFORD man who took header
from his bicycle has been sued by the owner
of some horses which he frightened. This
is adding insult to injury If man can not
take header when he pleases, just because
he happens to brighten horse or two, where
is our boosted liberty?-Lawrence american.
SENATOR VEST acknowledges that he was
mistaken thirty years ago in thinking that
the then inevitably deadly strife could
never be allayed;" and most of his thoughts
since that time have also been mistaken
owing to the fact that he does his thinking
mainly with his lungs.--iSt. Louie Globe.
Democrat.
WHAT idiots they have on the news
papers nowadays" exclaimed Hornblower
"There was reporter in here yesterday
and told him about the big improvements
/ have been making down our way. OF
course / told him not to mention my name
in his paper and the blamed fool didn't
Boston Transcript
CIRCUsEs may weary MINISTRIES may pail
newspaper paragraphs may sadden and pig
puzzles cease to entertain, but as long a.
there is mugwump newspaper the public
is not going to lack good fun. The mug
wump press shows there are unexploret
mines of foolshness rich in nuggets Of
nonsense lWdukee Sentinel
YES, Cedric, there has been good dea
of talk about George Washington lately
but you are wrong in thinking that he
| knocked the ball over the center field fence
| in the last inning, scoring clean home run
and winning the game for the local nine
! George Washington was simply the father
of his country. Minneapolis Tribune.
"THIs is a disagreeable and somewha
humiliating assignment" said the city edi
| tor to the new reporter, " but it is the only
thing | have for you to-day. 1t will re
Qure you to visit two or three dozen saloon
and interview score of dudes before you
| finish the job" al guess | can stand il,
said the hardened young man. was on
of the reporters at the New York centennia
ball. -Chicogo Tribune.
WITH very agreeable simultaneousnes
there comes TO us from the Paris expo
sition one report that the American art dis
play is the very worst of them all. an,
another report that the Americans carrie,
off all the honors at the big banquet. 1t i
certainly very gratifying to our patriot
pride to know that while as a nation we
may not be so goldurned dillytanty, we ar
eaters from away back Washington Post.
WE have been offered twenty-five dollar
in cash and barrel of wild plum vinega
to publish the record of the man VIII
runs the weekly further down the street
While there is no doubt in our mind that h
is a bigamist, horse-thief, barn burner an,
anarchist sympathiZer, we know what bt
longs to decency and positively refuse tn
bride. There is too much mud-thrown
among the editors of the West anyhow
They seem to have forgotten what is due
the position: If one of our doctors kills
patient by some mistake the rest are al
ways ready to swear him clear. If one {
the fraternity makes trip the rest ar
eager to pitch into him. 1t shouldn't be SC
There should be more of the fraterns
spirit-more of the pride of profession
Therefore, while we are perfectly Statistic
that the bald-headed, bow-legged, squirt
eyed old coyote who calls himself the editC
of the moribund dish-rag eleven doors b.
low ought TO be in state prison for life W
are not going to forget what belongs to tn