The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-03-14
WISE AND OTHERWISE.
Pears Soap is an elegant toilet adjunct.
For a disordered liver try Beecham' s


nature.
A southern hotel ADVERT, es among itt
attractions "parlor for ladies thirty.
five feet wide."
A man convinced (by his wife, against
his will is of the same opinion still
mighty still.-Life.
1t is one of the inconsistencies of life
that we throw boquets at the soprano,
and bootjacks at the tomcat. ..r-
Playing poker is very wrong, indeed,
but somehow it doesn't seem 80 much of
sin when you happen to hold four aces.
Women, it is said, live longer than
men. This comes of their keeping their
age secret. Death doesn't know when
to call for them.
Humboldt, in his Cosmos, thought he
showed up the world. Suppose he had
lived to know DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup.
But he didn't, alas
A man never appreciates his wife un-
til she has gone visiting once or twice
and he has tried to get his own supper,
-Mil,Caukee Journal.
When a woman shows enough inter
est in man to pick piece OF lint off hi,
overcoat, he can marry her if he only
says so.-Mil,caukee Journal.
"What is the future of Ireland p ex.
claimed the Senator, IN earnest tones.
"lreland, said the new school-ma' am
calmly, "has no future ; it is noun"
"Did you knock when you came tonight :" asked
she
With blush, the sly little thing.
81 did but why do you ask :" said lie
"oh thought that you came with ring"
Old Lady-Little boy, what would
your father do if he should find you
smoking. Little Boy-H'd puff prob'ly
lick me {; THE is (puf) one o. his cigars,
"If anybody was ever moi pressed for
time than l am Id like to see him.
why, there's just such fellow on ex-
hibition." "Who is he p IAN fine
Egyptian mummy."-Society Times.
neutrality-suspicious., have you
any suggestions with regard to my brio
a-brac that you think would assist the
artistic effect of my house p Professor
Il would suggest the advisability OF
an auction sale. "-Netc York Ledger.
How inconsistent some men are, to be
sure ! The same man who will cheerful
ly pay $3.50 to hear woman whistle
has been known to threaten instant an
Inhalation to the Office boy for doing the
self-same .thing.-BOston Transcript.
Mistress what Oh earth are you go.
ing to do with that sruttltful of dnt,
Mary ?" Mary "Dust the pianner.'
Mistress: "Dust the piano?" Mary "Yis.
Didn't ye tel me to dust it IN =? An it's
takin' every bit of dust l can foind. -
Buffalo Courier.
We have a speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth
and Headache, in SHILOH'S CATARRH
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with
each bottle. Use it if you desire health
and sweet breath. Price SO cents. Sold
by i. T. Shurtleff.
Speaking about journalistic courage
remarked the snake editor, Il can name
a paper which has more grit than any
other, and one which you would hardly
think of, either" what paper is thatp'
asked the horse editor. sand paper.
I-PittSburg Chronicle.
Miss Bessie II. Bedloe, of Burlington,
VT, had disease of the scalp which
caused her hair 10 become very harsh
and dry and to fall so freely she scarcely
dared comb it. Ayers Bair Vigor gave
her healthy scalp, and made the hair
beautifully thick and glossy.
Miss Grace Peculiar costumes for a
man to wear, isn't it p Uncle George
"Yes, but do you know that at one time
the men in the United States wore dres-
es ?" Miss Grace why, no when was
that 2" Uncle George when they
we're infants, "-Harpers Bazaar.
A problem in division The meanest
man up to date is Snifkins. He sold
Jones half-interest in a cow. and then
refused to divide the milk, maintaining
that Jones owned the front half. The
COW hooked Snifkins, and now Snifkins
is suing Jones for damages.-Time.
Sister Jones-"Brudder Lightfoot
what's de resin it's 80 much hotter in de
summer dan it are in de winter p Broth
er History tells us, Sister
Jones, dat it am OWN to de fact dat de
nights am 80 short dat de sun, dat great
ball OBJ fire don't have time to cool off. y
1T Is NOT BEST
to always believe everything that per.
son tells you, but when you hear that
the best blood purifier is Sulphur Bit.
ters, you can believe it, tor they cured
me of a severe case of blood poisoning
REV. A. FAIRCHILD, New York City
Uncle George-"I believe in always
letting boy choose his own vocation
Brown-"But, uncle, my boy thinks just
now that he would like to be a pirate. y
Uncle Geolge-"Apprentice him to q
plumber, or if you don't wish him tc
learn trade put him into a brokers
Office"
Client lin New York law Office some
weeks hence)-''I have now laid the
whole case before you. What action de
you advise 2" Lawyer Cleveland absent
lly)-"Dan, what is your Opinion-"(re
covering himself.) "Sir, l will take the
matter under advisement. Call around
tomorrow"
Prof. Wm. H. Thompson of the chail
of Materia Medica in the University Of
the City of New York. says Bright
Disease has no sy mptoms OF its own, bu
has the symptoms of every other dis
ease" Disorders apparently remote anC
distinct from kidney disease are removed
by using Warmers Safe Cure.
Why do so many people we see around
US seem to prefer to suffer and be mad
miserable by indigestion, constipation
dizziness, loss of appetite, coming up o
the food, yellow skin, when for 75 cent
we will sell them Shiloh's System Vital.
izer, guaranteed to cure them. Sold b.
J. T. Shurtleff. Bennington. VT. UT
Fditor-"So you would like position
as dramatic critic ?" Young Lady-"Oh
| should love the work, | went to sc,
Romeo and Juliet last night" 'Well
what did you think ofJuliet ?" "Oh, sh,
was lovely in her superb evening dres
of cream colored satin and lace over
ground work of pale pink, the front en-
riched with heavy embroidery and tn
corsage just flashing with jewels. o..
Interested People.
Advertising a patent medicine in tn
peculiar way in which the proprietor o
Kemp's Balsam, for Coughs and Colds
does It is indeed wonderful. lie author
ICES all druggists to give those who cal
for it sample bottle free, that they ma
try it before purchasing. The large bot
ties are SOC and Sl.00. We certainl
would advise trial. 1t may save 20
from consumption. For sale by a
Druggists.
l have been a great sufferer from ca
tarrh for over ten years had it yer
bad, could hardly breathe. Some night
| could not sleep-had to walk the fiool
| purchased Ely's Cream Balm and al
using it freely, it is working cure sure
lily. / have advised several friends {