The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1889-03-28
FULL OF FUN.

.-Sunday-school Teacher-"Now
Archie, can you explain to us the cause
Of Adams fallpr Pupils--"Yes He
didn't have any ashes to throw on the
sidewalk"
--Judgc-'I wish to ascertain II the
witnesses are all here, and will there
fore read out the list. Those that are
present say Aye! the contrary, No.
Buch fur Allo.
Cant" said Emerson, "is useful
to provoke common sense" Yes, It is
good for that. It is also useful as q
handy word to fill In an embarrassing
gap In the conversation when man
asks you to loan him five dollars
Burdette.
-Tomlinson-"H Hello, Bodger! What
makes you look SO excitedp" Bodger
E"Why. you see, they've got twins at
sisters. One of 'em is a boy and one
of EN- is girl, and blamed II that
doesn't make me an uncle and an aunt
both!-Burlington Free Prcss.
-Ipstein-"S "Shoestrings, collar but
tons, suspenders." Miss Anna Teak
$50 long there; we amt got no men,
folks IN the house." Ipstein-"Ah.
madam, it vas a goot ting to lay in
subblies in adfance. An addractive
lady like you can't tell vat may hab-
ben some tay. PUCK.
Despite the direful history of his
island. Paddy always has something
consummately witty to dispel the
gloom. He now presents this novel
definition of an Irish bull, illustrative
as wells "If you see three cows lying
down in a field" he says, "the one
standing up is an Irish bull. Amer
lea.
Female Friend-"Young Smithers,
who Is paying you attentions, is one of
the most promising young men in this
CITY," Miss Lively-"Yes. I know
him." Female Friend-"He is ambi-
tious, too. He is u man who will al
ways aim higher than the mark" Miss
Lively-"Aim higher than the markp
Well, don't know about that. He has
never kissed me on the nose YETI
Texas Siftings.
-''Ah," she said, with u tremulous,
vibratory little sigh, ''true happiness
Is something that is very rarely ex-
perienced, isn't itp" "Yes," he re-
piled, 'very rarely, and yet have
known it." "Whenp" "rhis very
evening" with mep" ..Yes; about
five minutes ago-when you told me
that your father was laid up with rheu-
matism in his right Merchant
Traveller.
First Tramp-"Hello, Jerry, come
in and have cocktail" Second
Tramp-"What! Cocktail! You must
be livin' on Easy street now." First
Tramp-"Yes, / rather guess l am.
I'm gettin' a dollar day fer sittin' in
a show winder to advertise new
toilet soap" Second Tramp-"Ratsw
First Tramp-"Yes, am, on the dead
square. I represent the "before u.s.
in'."-Terre Haute Express.
-Husband-''My dear, these trou-
sers are frayed at tho bottom" Wife
-'They are the best you've got, John,
except your dress trousers" Husband
-"Well. give them to me- 1 have an
important interview on hand to-day in
which expect to be at different times
proud, naughty, Indifferent, dignifed,
and, perhaps, triae disdainful. A
man can't be all that successfully with
fringe on the bottom of his trousers"
-Harper's Bazaar.
ALL the city papers, before the
concert, spoke about the repertoire of
the soprano. Many otherwise excel
ent people do not understand French.
A rural couple who sat near the stage
were evidently among these otherwise
excellent people. When the soprano
appeared, very scantily clothed as to
arm and neck, '.How digusting!" ex-
claimed tho lady. Poor thing!'' re-
sponded her companion, pityingly.
probably tore her clothes most off
practicing her ripper-tearyv-Judge.