The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-10-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Red hot-A boiled lobster.
The lovers favorite actor-Mari-us.
"The board of arbitration single.
Riparion diseases The cataracts of the
Nile.
The pretty housemaid is the lily of the
valet.
The original ''salt union"-Neptune
and Amphitrite.
Smartness is knowing how TO "catch
on" wisdom, how to let go.
A poor widow-One who can't remain
unmarried any length of time.
An electric spark-Making love by
telegraph - Washington Capital.
A drill is bore-especially to the Of
fcer in charge of the awkward squad
Life.
A John Mary Ann is the latest name for
a man that pushes his baby about in a
perambulator.
A good resolution is fine starting
point, but as terminus it has no value.
Scranton Truth.
What quiet, economical world we
would live in, if it were not for the move
ments of the under jawl
ssDoes the wind always blow this way,
my good MANI" ''No, it don't. Some
times it blows the other way"
One of the interesting experiments in
popular chemistry is when youth feeds
his fame with ice-cream.-Iime.
"What are you digging, dear" "I'm
going to plant mashed potatoes. l like
'em better than the other sort. Life.
There is always room at the top-and
when small man gets there, he only
serves to set off the surrounding vacancy.
Judge.
The most unfair thing that happens to
women is that engagements are so short
and marriages so long Binghdmton Re-
publican.
Remorse is a good deal like a wooden
leg. 1t may help you on your way, but
you always think how much happier you
would be without it.
IT'S the church-bell in the steeple
That to worship calls the people;
'Tis the church-belle IN the choir
Calls the young men TO admire.
Judge.
The auctioneer is no more liable to in
sanity than anybody else, notwithstand-
ing the fact that he is almost continually
in a more bid mental condition - Wash
ingtOn Capital
A shoemaker hung out new sign, and
| than .,-onIara1 what tacSprc. Inv found SO
amusing. His sign ran as follows:
"Don't go elsewhere to be cheated.
Walk in here. ."-Ne,o York Tribune.
Prospective Tourist -''I am going
West because l have reason to believe
that it's good place to settle in" Re
turned Tourist-''I am not so sure of
that. lived there ten years myself, and
aever paid bill while was there. "
Philadelphia Inquirer.
There was little boy
Whose name was Quick"
He knocked off some apples
With a stick.
The apples We're so good
That he ate "a,
And now df he was good enough
He's in heaven.
-DanSriHe Breeze.
Simpson-'Well, my boy is through
college now, and guess l will start him
in one of the professions. sampson
II think he will make good physician. i"
SIMPSON, Whygn Sampson--'Tn the
next two years that boy is going to have
as fine a set of side whiskers as you ever
saw. ."-Teue Haute Express.
John Loss consulting a olairyoyanD-
my watch has been stolen, aud | want
information that win lead to its recov-
ery.n Clairvoyant -" "Cross my palm
with a silver dollar. Qt is done and the
clairvoyant falls into tranee) Your
watch is in the pocket of a bad man. Find
him; cause his arrest, and the timepiece
will again be yours. ."-Jeueleys' Weekly,
Weeping Widow-''You are sure, Mr..
Boneplanter, that you will conduct every
hing in satisfactory manners" Emil
aent Undertaker-"Have no fear on that
score, | beg of you, Mrs BillhOpe. OF
all the people have buried in my long
and successful careerI am proud TO say
that not one ever raised the slightest OBJ
lection to my work. "-TeTe Hauts Ee-
press.
Brother Flacktery, who is 10 occupy
this pulpit next Sunday in my absence,
remarked the Kansas City pastor to hi.
congregation, sis young clergyman re-
siding in ST. Louis. | trust you will re-
eeive him with kindness and oOrdiality
that may effectually remove the feeling
of embarrassment he will naturally ex-
perience ON his first appearance before a
metronolitan audience ~ CHICAGO I'ri-
buRe.
Prssidsns S.srison ia very fond Of the