The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1889-02-02
sLuNDsRs IN CHURCH.
An English Clergyman Relates Some C1cri-
cal Haps and Mishaps.


cal Haps and Mishaps.
The cozy squire's pew Of the eigh-
teenth century was an elaborate struct-
rire, luxuriously furnished and sur
mounted by crimson curtains. 1t often
contained the only fireplace in the
church, and was never complete with
out a square table. During the reign
Of George l: colored footman would
enter with tray Of Refreshments just
before the sermon. In one of these re-
treats, Ernest, Duke of Cumberland,
being ensconced, was reused from a
doze by the exhortation-''Let US
pray"
"By all MEANS" shouted the Duke;
II have no objection.
The poor were accommodated in mar
row pews, very high and stiff in the
back. No wonder that timid child
remarked that man in velvet breaches
had sat on her pantry shelf and shut
the door. Not so little JOHNNY. who,
ION the promise to be dood," was taken
to church. He kept very still till the
last prayer, by which time he had
grown so tired that he got up on the
cushion of the seat and stood with his
back to the pulpit. When the lady in
the seat behind bowed her head for
prayer Johnny thought she was crying.
so he leaned over and said in too au-
dible whisper:
Poor, dear lady. what ee matter?
Docs 90 tummy ache?"
Very formidable must have been the
pew with lattice around it, in which
that red-haired vixen, Queen Bess. sat
to criticise the court preachers. They
had to be as particular in their allu-
sions as the chaplains of Louis XIV.
1--WE must all die," exclaimed the
preacher. The King frowned fiercely.
"All, mean, save your Majesty"
added the subtle courtier.
When Bishop or other cleric made
mention of any thing which did not
please the vain old woman, the lattice
was ratified with terrible energy and
distinctness to the discontinue of the
unfortunate ecclesiastic. Sometimes
she spoke outright. as when the
Bishop of st. David's ventured upon sta
tistics which the Queen could not fol-
low: 'You keep your arithmetic to
yourself; the greatest clerks are seldom
the wisest men,"
How different was the appreciation
of a sermon delivered by my eloquent
incumbent in Bosley Church, Cheshire.
At the conclusion, the kind vicar, leap
ing through the paper hoop of rubrical
restrictions exclaimed: my good peo-
pie. before we sing the hymn think
we can not do better than heartily
thank Mr.. Hughes for his most excel
lent sermon"
In that same church local land
owner. the Earl of Harrington, placed
a stained glass window, containing
figures OF the Virgin. and St. John.
Some friends of mine being shown over
the building, asked the venerable clerk
the subject. THEM fur" said he,
'.are meant for Mr.. and Mrs. Harring-
ton. but can't say as they are mulch
loike."
My first incumbent, Mr.. Hughes,
was very absent-minded. A well-known
member of the congregation had en-
livened dull December by bringing
home his bride; and the ladies were on
the tip-toe of expectation on the follow
ing Sunday to see what she was like.
An involuntary smile was caused by
the text-"Behold the bridegroom
cometh." BY no means diffident was
the young lady who extracted
promise from her vicar that he would
preach an appropriate sermon when
she appeared at church on the Sunday
following her marriage.
The text was somewhat a surprise.
YEA, an abundance of peace SO long
as the moon endureth."
Speaking of marriages, how amusing
is the following incident: The incum-
bent of populous parish in the mid
lands who never failed to have publ
cation of numerous banns looked for
the banns book as usual after the
second lesson. Feeling assured of find
ing it he commenced: 81 publish the
banns of marriage" An awkward
pause, during which he looked beneath
the service books, "but could not see
my little friend, because he was not
there" II publish the banns," re-
peated he, still fumbling, ''between--
between" Between the cushion and
the seat, SIR" shouted the clerk, look
ing up and pointing to the place where
the book had been mislaid. -Arq0sy.