Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1889-11-08
Snort Stirs Up the Pan-American Me-
nagerie--The Suggestion to do so
Comes From Harrison-Eras-
tus Wlman Seeks to IBribe
Snort-Snort's EpistIe
~ .Iohppv

1 "IhAte SO, Mr. ffcelQent; but
the South American delegates wer
to receive an insulting telegram fror
Blaine, II would put them ON thei
ears, and perhaps bust up the Con
ference"
splendid idea, Snortl Act on It,
said Harrison, winking suggestively
Next day the people at the hotel 4
Grand Rapids were bewildered a
the conduct of the foreign delegates
They boiled over with indignation
Every once in q while they woul,
examine q mysterious telegram, an,
then there would be more uplifie,
Eyebrows and shoulders. The fol
lowing 10 u copy of the Telegram
from Washington, which was ad
dressed to Senor Romero, the Mexi
can representative, in charge of th,
party at Grand Rapids:
"Are those delegates never goinG
to quit bumming over the country
Will you keep ON feeding and gnz
zling till you bust2 Amt you nevel
going 10 sober up so we can attend tc
business? Don't ride q free horse tc
death. (Signed) JAMES G. BLAINE.
Collect sl,75."
Burn this letter, Johnny. would
not haveit known that Bill Snor
forged that telegram for the world
II Miss Gail Hamilton Dodge knew
Col. Snort had put up this game on
Blame, she might treat me with dis
dain. Dear girl! What foolishness
am l writing? Once more, Johnny,
burn this letter. Those eyes Them
forml
While i was sitting in my room al
the White House, thinking OF matri-
mony, etc, my colored vally-de-sham
handed me a card on which was en-
blazoned cost-of-arms consisting OF
what seemed to be Plymouth Rock
rooster recursant and rampant, To
some extent, holding in his talons q
borrowed monkey-wrench, while in
his livid beak was a quivering united
garter, or lost cord, on which was
inscribed the heroic Latin motto
"SpiritoM .JTUmenti, cum homo to-
moiT0w in cab" f
Underneath in plain English was
this weird legend:
ERAsTUs WiMAN, N. G,
Staten Island and Montreal.
A chunky, pompous, well fed man,
wearing baggy pants entered.
"IIowdy, 'Rastus! Take chair
and make yourself miserable" said
l, cheerfully.
"Thawnksz"
"I no cognized you right of, with
your queer clothes and imported ac-
cent. Besides you look so much
like your caricatures In the comic
papers"
aYou are quite complimentary, me
deah fellsh." -
"Well, never mind, didn't mean
II, anyhow. By the way, you were
born In Canada. Why don't you get
naturalized? You make all your
money In this country"
"Me deah sir, pwefer not"
"Yes l see. If You were natural
lied You could't pose as an American
in Canada, and vice versa In this
country. You are a sort Of q star
spangled Canadian, 'Rastus. What
can do for your
II want you to do me little favor,
Col. Snort"
"What is II, indeed? Speak out!"
"You see, this Pan-American Con-
fwerence Of Mr.. Blaine's is q bweast-
ly stab at the commercial interests Of
Old England, doncher know"
"It.is, most noble Dewk."
"You know, / mawnaged to get In
little fwee twade spweech to the
South American delegates, the other
day, in spite Of Mr.. Blaine" n,
$50 read in the papers"
'NoY me deah boy, you know
there 10 to be dinner to the Pan
American delegates, and l would
like to make another little awfter.din-
ner spweeoh."
But Blaine will be there to nip
your flow of natural gas in the bud,
Mr.. Wiman."
"Cawn't we concoct some scheme
to circumvent Mr.. Blainep Money
Is no object. 'Ow does a hundred
pun note stwike you?"
~ cawn't do il, 'Rastus, / weally
cawn't do it at that figure, ye know"
/ replied, initiating his accent.
"Why not, me deah fellah ?"
"Because it would cause pain to. q
female relative Of the premier"
"Ah, you mean that winegary old
cweature what writes political lettahs
for the pwess ?"
"Be careful, sirl or I shall hold
you personally responsible"
"Beg pawdon. But how about
five hundred pounds2 ?"
"What! Bring tear TO those
lovely eyes for sucn a paltry sum
Never Get thee behind me, Satan
However, make II 5000, and Its
whack."
"But, Col. Snort, 1t may cawse the
poor child to weep you know"
"Let her sob, 'Rsstus, let her sob
I can afford it at that price,"
There was sound of revelry by
night. The delegates from tn,
Southern Republics, from the hit
Grande to Cape Horn, were there
Jove-like at the head of the Table "a
the Plumed Knight. At his right
his brow clothed in majesty ant
slightly intoxicated sat Bill Snort o
Texas. The shouts Of "Viva Blain
cyl Viva, Don Billee Snort" hai
subsided. A messenger entered
hurriedly and handed Blaine
note. He tore II open, glanced at II
turned pale, and, telling me I
represent him at the banquet, b
scooted away like beautiful dream
The note which caused Blaine's sud
den absence read as follows:
"Desr Paw democratic burglar
have ransacked the safe. Import
ant and confidential documents ar
missing. This is worse than tn
4 Mulligan letters. Come home Q
once. (aigned)
"WALKER BLAINE"
"Now, Wiman, say your lit'l