Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1889-12-15
Hs Has Experiences Just Like all Other Men-Why
Il is That They Never Seem TO Fit-Thrlllng
Experiences Of Dstrufs Famous Citizen.


tant Thunder, followed by an exclamation
of:
by the great horn spoon, but if had
that man here I'd murder him"
About sixty seconds later his head ap.
pears over the banister and he shouts;
"NIrs. Bowser, come up here"
whats wanted"
Come up here Look at those collars
will your
whats the natter
Matter! That internal shirtmakel
ought to be scalpedl l told him No. 10,
and he has made them all No. 90"
Nonsense. Here's the stamp on
them, and they are all right. Try one
on
He buttons one on and they fit splen-
didy. Indeed, he never had such fit.
He looks in the glass, however, grows
red in the face and shouts:
"Look at it. I'll kill that man before
noon tomorrow, lie has doneit to spite
me-"
"N[r. Bowser, that collar is all right.
You never had one that SET
"Right. Right. Look at it bunch up
in the backl See how it sets in front.
Observe how it is saving away at my
ears You want me to look like a
baboon. don't you? III walk in on that
shirtmaker after breakfast tomorrow
morning, and if don't slam the buttons
off'n him then I'm liar~
But can't see anything wrong with
them"
mo. Of course not. If they made me
look like baked owl! you couldn'. see
anything ont of the way. Mrs. Bowser,
I've got to have a long talk with you.
There are some things which must be set
ted"
And next morning he puts on one Of
the collars without word, and there is
never any further fault-fnding. They
were a fit and all right. but he wouldn't
be an average husband if he didn't growl
and kick. tits when his new shirts come
up that the whole menagerie is put on
exhibition free gratis. They invariably
come up of Saturday night, and he
wants to put one on for Sunday. | know
what is coming, and l take baby over to
mothers, and give the cook liberty to go
out for the day. am hardly ready for
him when the magazine explodes.
Mrs. Bowser." he shouts over the ban
lister.
"Well?"
Did Lynch bring home my shotgun
last night"
What do you want Of q shotgun
ITO kill that internal idiot who made
these shirts! I'll have his life before the
sun sets tonight I'll murder him right
before his wife and children
why, Mr.. Bowser. What's the mat
ter with the shirts:"
Matter" he yells as he jumps up and
down, holding one of the lot at arms
length, 'everything's the matter. My
band is fifteen inches scant, and he has
made these 1000 rods. Look at that
bosom Look at that yoke III follow
that man to the end of the earth but what
I'll have his blood"
"Why, they look all right to me. The
band is stiff with starch now, you know
'Tn siiffen that idiot with something
besides starch People impose on me be-
cause | never kick, but the worm has
turned at last. | suppose I'll be sent to
State prison for life, but that shan't stand
in the way of my revenge"
Put on another and III come up and
see what the trouble isl
Ten minutes later he calls and l go up
to find him red in the face and breathing
hard. button the shirt in the back, pull
il down and it fits like a glove, but all Of
a sudden he gives jump, waves his
hands after the manner of Booth and ex-
claims:
yea, I'll hunt him down and crush
the life out of him."
'Mr. Bowser there is nothing wrong
about this shirt. You never had one TO
fit you better"
Nothing wrong, Why, it feels as if
had put on an old coffee sack. Look at
the way it punches up in tire neck. See
how it bends on the shoulders. | wouldn't
be found dead with this shirt on
"Well, as l said before, l can't see any
thing wrong with it."
ooh, you can't! Anything is good
enough for me, l suppose. If some fool
sent me up a sheetiron shirt you'd think
it was all right. You can 90 down
stairs
but aren't we going to church,
Church. Don't say church to me- I'm
going out and commit murder
About dinner time he feels easier, and
after supper his indignation has all passed
away. Next morning he puts on one of
his shirts, and it isn't q week before he is
Dragging Of the perfect fit.
Its the same about any other garment
be buys. A few weeks ago he wanted a
coat. He selected the goods, got meas
ured by leading tailor, and they made
him try it on twice to be sure it was fit.
It came up in good time, and Just as we
we're getting ready to 90 out to a card
party. He at once decided to wear it, but
had scarcely united the bundle when
he exclaimed:
"The sap-headed son Of the goose, but
don't believe this is the goods l picked |
outl"
you said you got diagonal, and this
S that sort Of cloth, replied, as l in
,pected il.
"But he's lined It with cambria"
"Whv. no he hasn't. This is serge-lin-
n That's what is commonly used
lie nut II on. and the fit was absolutely
perfect. but he hunched up one shoulder
md then the other, and growled:
cts too short-waisted. l told him a
lozen times over to look out for that"
"The waist is all right, my dear You
never had nicer fit"
But it's too short-six inches too short
The wall-eyed idiot, but doesn't he know
enough to read the figures on tape |
ine,n
MIR. Bowser the length Is all right l |
ell YOU this coat can't be improved on"
isn't the collar too hight?'
mo"
Are these pockets in right"
"Yes
"How's the sleeve for length?7
Just right"
"Do you ike the buttons?"
Il do"