The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-05-16
NEMsPAPER HuMoR.

Written with Six Dollar Pair of Shears
Doing light work-Cleaning the lamps
When Ani-line dies where do they bury
her ?
The shirtmaker's faYorite exclamation
"A hem.
A clever sight of hand performer
The coquette.
A funny man always dislkes to hurt
his humerus.
BARRIERS are great chaps for soraping an
acquaintance.
The locomotive lever most always
travels "incog."
A foolish mans child is usually chip
of the old block-head.
A carpenter is not necessarily proph
ct because he sugers well.
Advice to the dressmaker BE sure
you're right then 90 ahead"
1t is the telegraph operator that has
his work at his fingers ends.
A BARRIERS shears shut up when at
work and so should the barber.
Can place to teach swimming be
properly called dive-in-ity school?
The man with the most accomplish
ments often accomplishes-nothing.
When an Indian catches cold on the
warpath he has the war whooping cough.
The most unhappy feature about being
a jail-bird is said to be its inability to fly.
Patient-Do you extract teeth without
pain Denlist-Yes, it is no Tain to me.
When a man feels 80 badly he cant
read a paper he has de-press- shun Of
spirits.
A doctor may kill man with the best
Of intentions, A murderer kills with
the worst.
waiter, this beefsteak is so tough 1
can't cut it," "a sharper knife for the
gentleman"
The moths have strange tastes. They
frequently appear in overcoats in sum-
mer weather.-Picdyune.
India rubber ia being tried as a street
pavement in Germany. 1t ought to give
every pedestrian an elastic step.
The little girl who wrote on her exam
ination paper THE interior of Africa il
principally used for purposes of explora
ton" was wiser than she thought, Bal
timOre American.
The nuisance of the hotel was in the
parlor warbling, "Oh, would were
bird" Well here's beginning for
you" said the landlord. And he handed
him his bill,- Argosy,
"Don't you know, Emily, that it is not
proper for you turn around and look af
ter a gentleman 2" "But, mamma | was
only looking to see if he was looking to
see il was looking. "-.Siftings.
Mr.. Youngman latter long thoughD-
Is there any way to find out what
woman thinks of you. without propos-
ing? Mr.. Benedict (absentlyEYes (;
make her mad.-NetC York Weekly.
1t is said that Minneapolis man who
attempted to commit suicide the other
day by taking poison was saved by the
active and indefatigable exertions Of four
dictionary caysssers.-C Chicago Tribune.
Miss De Pert (unfeelinglyeThis is,
perhaps, the first refusal you have re-
ceived, Mr.. DE Tom? Mr.. De Tom (sar-
castically)-And perhaps the first you
have ever given, Miss Mauve.-TOcn
Topics.
There was once young man. poor debtor,
Who wrote to his taiors lehtor
They answered at once,
And called him donce,
And then the poor fellow felt bebtor.
Washington Critic,
He does not love me for my birth, nor for my
lands so broad and fair,
He does not tell me am worth more to him than
earth and air,
He does not take me on his knee and kiss my eyes
and nose and hair
His sister have said I'd be, and that is well, said
Lady Glare.
Minneapolis Tribune.
A man in Indiana has been convicted
Of stealing fifty-four plows, all of which
he had stored away in a barn. Boston
Journal. This enterprIsing HoOsier
meant to get his plow-share.- OlneyUille
Times. He may now have his face fur
rowed with Wexford (R. ~
Standard. Olney-vilians would do such
a thing.