The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-03-20
NYE ON THE ROAD.
Some Few Remarks on the Pc
culiaritieS Of POrterS.
BALD-HEADED MEN AND CRIME.
Two Heroic SOuls---A Precious Air Cushion
A Missed Opportunity--Force of
Habit---Feline Amenities

carry with me, this year. small, sorrel
Dag weighing little over twenty ounces.
1t contains slight bottle Of horse medicine
ana powder rag. Sometimes it also COB
Calns costly robe de mutt, when l do not
forget and leave said robe in the sleeping car
or hotel lam not overdrawing this matter,
however, when l say honestly that the shriu
cry OF lire at night in most any hotel in the
united States now would bring to the fire
escape from one to six employees of said hotel,
wearing these costly vestments with my brief
but imperishable name engraved on the
bosom.
This little travelling bag. which is not big
ger than mans hand, is rudely pulled out
OF my grasp as l enter the inn, and it has cost
me $50 to get it back again from the porter
Besides, have paid $685. for new handles to
replace those that had been torn off in a
frantic scuffie between the porter and myself
to see which would get away with it.
Yesterday was talking with a reformed
lecturer about this popularity of the porters.
He said he used to lecture a great deal at
moderate prices throughout the country, and
after ten years of earnest toll he was enabled
to retire with rich experience and 80 in
money. He lectured on phrenology and took
his meals with the chairman of the lecture
committee. In Ouray, Colo, the baggageman
allowed his trunk to fall from great height
and the lid was knocked off and the bust
which the professor used in his lecture was
busted. He therefore had to borrow bald
headed man to act as bust for him in the
evening. After the close of the lecture the
professor found that the bust had stolen the
gross receipts from his coat tail pocket while
he was lecturing. The only improbable feat
ure about this story is the implication that a
bald headed man would commit crime
But still he did not become soured. He
pressed on and lectured to the gentle janitors
of the land in piercing tones. He was always
kind to every one, even when people criticised
his lecture and went away before he got
through. He forgave them and paid his bills
just the same as he did when people liked
him.
Once a newspaper man who had done him
a great wrong and said that 'the lecture
was decayed and that the professor would
endear himself to every one if he would
some night at his hotel, instead of blowing
out the gas and turning off his brains as he
usually did, just turn off the gas and blow
out his brains" But the professor did not go
TO his Office and blow holes in his viscera. He
spoke kindly to him always and once when
the two met in a barber shop, and it was
doubtful which was next" as they came in
from opposite ends of the room, the professor
gently yielded the chair to the man who had
done him the great wrong, and while the
barber was shaving him eleven tons of cell
ing peeled Off and fell on the editor who had
oeen so cruel and so rude, and when they
gathered up the debris day or two after
wards it was almost impossible to tell which
was ceiling and which was remains
50 it is always best to deal gently with
9ttlhe erring, especially if you think it will be
fatal to them.-Bill Nye in New York
World