The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1889-08-27

The Funny Side Of TalIahassee
Folks Found by FlOridian Re.
nOrfprS

Folks Found by FlOridian Re.
pOrters.
An old country friend of the FLoRIDIAN
dropped in the other day to chat about people
and things and learn the latest news. He sat
down beside the exchange table, adjusted his
spectaces, and, picking up late number of the
New York Herald began glancing through its
newsy columns. Finally his eyes fell upon the
caption
"PASSED THROUGH HELL GATE
SOUTH BOUND"
Dashng the paper upon the table, and taking
a long breath he blurted out "Gee whz
What amt them spirtualists a-gong to do
next? Here they is, trying to make folks be-
lieye that they have to come South to pass
through the gates of hell. 1t amt true. He'll
amt no nearer us than them'
There is an old colored man in Tallahassee
whose every day and working name is Tom
Lang, and whose Sunday and voting name is
Israel York Mathews. Poor old Tom, he has
been dyeing for 10 these many years, and is not
dead yet. The fact is, dyeing is his busi-
ness He renovates old clothes and makes
them as good as new He makes his own dyes
from Florida roots ETC., and is quite an expert
tailor. Tom, or perhaps we should say Israel,
has an imaginative brain and firmly believes
that at one period of his existence he was owner
and manager of the greatest show on earth. On
one occasion he undertook to illustrate to the
boys some of the wonderful feats that he could
perform on the slack rope, said rope being entwin
ed around his neck and had not the boys quickly
cut him down the old man would have travelled
heavenward by the hempen route. Tom is
quite an artist in his way and it is wonderful
what pretty pictures of soldiers and animals he
can draw with pen and ink and tastily color
with dyes of his own make.
He was young and inexperienced, but was
determined to plake his mark He therefore
obtained school crayon and decorated the
front door of the Office of Colonel Fred T.
Myers with grotesque figures of curly headed
girls and square footed boys.
The FLORIDIAN man was passing by SIN al
country church, presided over by an aged col
ored minister, on Sunday last, and stopped to
hear portion of his sermon. FIRE." yelled
the good old brother. Eyes, my bredrin' and
sistrin', ragn' and a roarin' fire am a burnin
inside OBJ some OBJ you right now. Is yer ebber
hearn tell ob Sam Jones? No; you amt hearn
nothin' good ceptin what done tole you. Sam
am a white man, but he am preacher for sure
Marse Aleck done loan me book what tell
bout some OBJ de sermons what Sam preach
You know what Sam say? Sam say hell too
good for some un you. Oar am some of you
right here in dis here church to day what got
yer heads sOt. You is rushin' down de hill TO
perdition at sech speed dat yer hard Old head
is gwnter hit ker-slam agin de gate OF he'll
an bust it car often its hinges, yers gwine ter
de dehbll SO tas. You know why? Marse Aleck
tell me some IN you been litin' de chickens
outen his hen house. Who lat bin eatin chick en-
and yer old preacher what trying so hard to
sabe yer mean, stingy souls aint seen so much as
a fedder Oh one un 'em Yea, bredrin' an sis
trim, de debbil is arer yer How yer speck me
to sabe yer when yer steal chicken and don't Of
fer none ob it up to de alter OBJ penteuce You
goter do better dan dis if yer specks me to keep
de debbil often yer. Brer Nose Offer up prayer
fur desc poor lost sinners. Now, git down on yer
knees an listen"