Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-08-29

THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD By THE
FUNNY MEN OF TIE PRESS.
a Bad Break-It Looked That Way
"A Valuable Sinner-Suggested
Names-Roped In, Etc, Etc.
We were seated in the hammock;
Itwas something after dark;
And the silence it grew longer
After each subdued remark.
With her head upon my shoulder,
And my arms about her close,
Soon whispered, growing bolder
DO you love me, darling Roser
With her accents low to equal
All my heart had dared to hope
All! Inever knew the sequel,
For her brother cut the rope
IT LOOKED THAT WAY.
Merritt-"Is it true that Mrs. Henpeck
rules her husband with rod of iron?"
Miss Snyder-'I guess so. 1 saw her
last night chasing him with the poker"
-NeD York Sun.
VALUABLE SINNER.
Aunt Keziah (severely)-"So you're
going to try the experiment of reforming
young Scapely after marriage. Is he
worth reforming9"
Kittie (tearfully)-'Well, he's worth a
million"
SUGGESTED NAMES.
Happy Father-"Joe, old boy, give me
suitable names for my twin babies"
Joe-''Are they boys or girls9"
"Girls."
Chow will Kate and Duplicate doa"-
Time
Jack Overstroke (who is unwillingly !
giving Miss Olecrop a swimming lesson1
-"Now don't be afraid. Just trust your
self to me, and let me support you"
Miss Olecrop-''It's rather an unfair
advantage to take in the water; but
you may ask P-P-Papa."
ANOTHER WAY OF PUTTING IT.
"And pray why didn't you put new
buttons on my shirts?" asked Bohemian
of his washerwoman.
"Shure, sir, because it's meself was
thinkin' ye'd be afther needin' new shirts
on the buttons. ."-Judge.
A MISTAKE.
Tompkins-''T There seems to be sand
on these berries, Mrs. Humpup."
Mrs. Humpup (stifly)-''I think you
are mistaken, Mr.. Tompkins; the fruit is
perfectly free from grit. Possibly you
heaped on too much sugar. Time.
AT THE MOUNT MYSTERIOUS HOTEL.
Mr. Gourmay-"What kind of soup is
this2n
"Waiter-''Mock turtle, sir"
Mr.. Gourmay-"Ah, yes; excuse me.
l might have known. Fishes out por-
celain door-knob with his SPOON. Here's
mock-turtle, egg."-To,cn Topics.
SAVING TINE.
Mean Contractor ITO workman who
fell from three story wall that he was
tearing down)-''I'll have to dock you
for lost time"
Workman (unhurt) )-s'I thought was
saving time coming down that way. Next |
time I'll take the ladder. ."-New XorE
san.
HIS WIFE MoNoPoLIzED CONVERSATION.
Old schoolmate meets Thompson, whom
he has not seen for several years. Old
Friend-"By the way, old man, how did |
your scheme of marrying so you could |
have some one to talk to pan out2"
Thompson-"Not so we'll You see,
that's what she married for, too. ."-Iere
Rdute Erpress. !
AN EoUIvocAL COMPLIMENT.
Biggs-"Did you notice, briggs, what
the HoaOler said of my last speech9"
Driggs-"No, what was it9"
"Why, that in it 1 showed myself a
Samson of debate"
"H-m-m, I see. Samson was the fel
low who slew his enemies with the jaw
bone of an ass"
UP AND DOWN.
~ called, sir" said old Jinks to the
tailor, Gin reference to the letter you
sent about the way my son has treated
you. 1 guess you will find him all right
in the future, because he has promised
me to settle down.
'tThat doesn't interest me-" replied
the tailor; ~ want him to settle up. -
Fudge.
AN AMBIGUOUS EXPRESSION.
Father -" Willie, where have you
been9"
Willie (he Hopefully D-"Up stairs, put
ting red pepper into Uncle 'Rastus's
shoes" ;"
Father-''I am surprised, Willie! I
thought you were above doing mean
acJ."
Willie-"So l was, sir. Statesman.