The Washington critic., 1889-04-24
MATTER WORTH READING.

line fOlIOMlnV upfCrlDtlOn Oh DOW MfS.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox goes to bed is taken
from the Chicago Times:
know married man whose wife once
slept with Mrs. Ella Wheeler Wilcox. lie
was talking to me about this pen war be-
tween Mrs. Wilcox and Mrs. Atherton.
"My wife told me that she had rather
sleep ON the floor than ever sleep in the
same bed with Ella again." said the wretch,
with twinkle IN his eye | had not asked
him TO tell me ANYTHING, but he kept right
on.
"My wife said Ella jumped in bed first,
leaving her to turn out the light. That she
covered up her head and uttered little
scream aud then called out: Lock the door
and look under the bed MY wife obeyed
these iniunctions, turned out the light aud
sought the couch OF her hostess, who was
shivering from head to feet. The poetcss
threw her arms about my wife's neck and
said: Il hear noise My wife listened
and heard nothing aud paclhed her
| hostess For a few minutes all was
quiet, when the poetess wrapped the
sheets about her, seized my wife by the
hair, and said In whisper: 'TIarkl | hear
footsteps This spasm passed of aud
quiet was restored. They ell asleep. Later
in the night the poetcss had another at
tack, this time almost pushing my wife out
Of bed, and saying, under the sheet,
There's somebody In the house, My wife
arose, Iii the gas, looked about the house,
and, finding nothing, returned to Ella with
the assurance that all was quiet. Two or
three times during the night this was re-
peated. My wife was worn out by morn
ing and left her hostess as soon as she
could get away without violating the rules
of convcntionality. But she told me she
wouldn't sleep with her again for $500 If
my wife knew had told this she wouldn't
sleep with me."-[N. Y. Graphic.
Don't Judge by the Face.
The face is not very reliable guide to
either past or present. Some people suffer
so easily and so terribly. Some people have
every little ache recorded in their faces;
some have broken hearts under the loveliest
smile and the most charming expression.
II is not always safe to say that the merry
little man with the rubicund face and smil-
ing eyes must be very, very happy, and
have had life OF pleasure. Disposition
has little to do with what happens to you.
To have happy disposition is to Keep peo-
pie from sympathizing with you when you
are In trouble Ihe merry little man may
nave MS gr'ei' rernaps II you were 10
watch nm you would see MN go ana get a
handful OF vlolets ana steal out TO lay
them on little grave Inc young fellow
VINO looks SO very miserable and talks about
the hoilowness OF lie ana wants TO com
NIT suicide is ohiy suffering because MS
young iady toid MN thc night before
mat lie peeun't come II ne didht want
TO. Ihats ALL lie VIII want 10, ana ne
VIII so and she VIII forgive MIN ana they
VIII pe all rignt' lheres giri whose lace
Deais the impress oi uhutterapie ureadi her
conversation Is ihcoherent; her m'nd Is
agitated. DON'T disturb her. uive her
time ana smell ask you IL her pack mar
isht coming down, anu wheh you Tell her IL
'is all rlgnt she VIII become quite gooo ia
tureu; put she VIII taRe the hrst cnance she
gets 10 hx IT, ihere is an awiui iot o.
wastedsympathy In this world'--lsan fran
CISCO Chrohicie.
| He Was Fond of Catsup.
About half the diners in the big room in
the Astor House scarcely knew yesterday
afternoon whether to laugh or get whoop-
Ing mad. Two city men and countryman
were the objects OF special interest The
city men had invited their country friend to
luncheon. Oysters on the shell were Or
dered. The city men used lemon on theirs,
but their friend wanted catsup. One of the
city men showed bottle of Tobasco sauce
toward the guest. He seemed pleased, aud
with the miniature nozzle of the bottle well
down on his oyesters began to hammer on
the bottom in order to make sure to get
enough. He was apparently fond Of catsup
on his oysters. He covered them with the
bright red fluid and pumped an oyster into
his mouth. FEB.
Then came the scene. He swallowed the
oyster in agony, but IT was nothing to the
agony that came afterward. His tongue
and lips and throat were frightfully blis-
tered by the fiery sauce. He sprang from
his chair and moaned with pain. lie drank
glass after glass OF water, and then
dumped half goblet OF sweet oil down his
throat.
His hosts were chagrined enough when
the injured guest incontinently left them
and they heard uncomplimentary remarks
from their neighbors.-lN. \. Sun,
She Returned the Parrot.
A Second avenue lady who bought a par.
rot. warranted to talk. few days ago re
turned the bird Yesterday with the explana
nation: a.,e ,,as
~ can not possibly put up with the Ian
guaQe used by this bird. Why, It is some