Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1889-10-31

yod q Delleve ~ --Uetr0zf Free Press.
ALf0GE1HER TOO UNCERTAIN.
"Well." said a small. thin. care
worn, nervous. pale, wiry, ssedy- look.
ing man. with q high forehead and a
smell of stale beer, az he cut off q
piece of plug tobacco which he saved
from the wreck of the cirens, ~ want
to 60 out to Dakota and take mp q
claim and earn living. lead quiet
life and die happy. The circus busi-
ness is getting too uncertain. You
see / am the husband of the fat wo.
man in the sideshow. Don't laugh.
It is no laughing matter. When I
married her she was just ordinary
size. but now she weighs four hundred
and ninety pounds. We have trav.
eled with circuses for the past eight
yesrs. and while ! have done nothing
excep. to- wait upon my wife. if you
think I have had q soft snap you are
mistaken. The show is busted and
she has gone with variety show for
the rest of the season. and ! am going
West to prepare home for her."
"Are you going to build skating
rink for her ?" we asked, thinking it
smart.
20. I don't know. Maybe will
put up tent. You have no idea Of
the trouble the husband of q fat wo-
man has travelling with show. Were
you ever the husband of fat woman?
No? Well. doa't ever be. You
would think they were healthy, but /
pledge You my word the fat women in
the side shows are the unhealthiest
people in the world. They catch ev-
srything. Now. my wife is as healthy
as any of them, but there is not q
night but I have to doctor her for
something. The tent is always damp,
and she is continually taking cold. I
no sooner get one cold cured than an.
other one comes on. She will be all
right for half day, and just as the
big show is about to open in the even
ing. and the crowd in the sidsshow is
about to take q last look at her, she
will begin to sneeze. Did you ever
hear fat woman sneeze? No? Well,
If you are ever in q sideshow and one
of them begins to catch her breath, as
though she was going to sneezs, You
take my advice and get right out of
there. am talking to you now as a
friend. nv wife began to catch cold
at Boscobel, and when We got to
GAINESVILLE it had settled all over her.
It was the biggest settlement in the
State. That night asked the clerk
to have some ginger tea made for my
wife. and few pals Of the tea braced
her up till we got to Oshkosh, and
there ] had to soak her feet in mus
t;id water and put mustard plaster
on her chest. The hotel man there
was very kind. He fixed up bath
tub for one of her feet and got . burial
case from an undertaken for the other
foot. and did everything possible for
her comfort, but when l used white
counterpane to spread the mustard
plaster on he got on his ear and
charged it in the bill. OF you hus-
bands Of ordinary sized women that
can soak their feet in wash bowl,
and whose chests are email enough for
q boughten mustard plaster. don't
know anything about the trouble we
have. Now. the simple thing of
lame back is enough to drive q man
crazy. Ny wife is rheumatic, and
about three times week the pain set
ties in her back, and / have to rub it.
/ should consider it nothing but pic-
mic 70 rub an ordinary sized back, but
when man has to rub half an acre
of lame back, to survey it off into
sections, and rub section and mark
it 90 he wont rub it the second time,
and rub it a. . lame back ought to be
rubbed, he has got no sinecure. You
bet. And cornsl Well. ron don't
know anything about corns. When
you see corns = big as the top Of a