Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-03-09
SOME FUNNY FANCIE

RICH relatives are like wine. Thsy
grow dearsr with ago.
TIE "Maiden's Prayer usually has
something to do with him.
any dear WIFE," murmured paksE>
familias q he looked ct the dressnak>
er's bill.
The borrowess man to this date i
the one in Msnhattspville who wanted
to borrow friends tombstone.
PATENr-Doctor, I can't sleep
nights. What shall do? Get Q POI
sltlon somewhere IS night-watchman.
THERE is said to be veterinary sur
geon IN Albany who has grown 50 ex-
pert that he can tell the age of raks
by looking at its teeth.
CONSISTENCY, thou art Jewell sure
enough; but thou standeth an exec ed
ingly poor show when the other fellow
can afford diamond ring.
Miss PARENrALsrEM (age $3.50
You are going to get married at last.
Pauline? Pauline dear, Ishould
think it was about time; you know I'm
"a.
YOUNG wife Cat balD-You are i'm.
proving wonderfully as dancer. Don't
you remember how you used to tear my
dresses? Young husband = Yes; ]
wasn't buying EN- then.
MADAM Ito applicant)- Where was
your last place? Applicant-At the
hospital, mem. Madam-Were You
nurse there? Applicant-No, Nom; I
was q smallpox patient.
SMITH-You say the speculation hes
proved failure? Jones-A total fail
ure. SMITH thought you said there
was q fortune in it. Jones with
groan) so there is. Mine is in it.
MINE eyes have seen the gobbler lose
his Uranium in the dark, prehistoric
turkey that came over in the ark, the
boarders break their molars as they
chew the patriarch, but their bills go
marching on.
Mrs. HoPEFUL-Is my boy improv-
ing any? Professor of penmanship-
He is getting worse. His writing is now
so bad no living soul can read it. "How
lovely! The darling! He'll be great
author some day."
Mrs. BROWN (who has boarders)-
And how is Mr.. Smith getting along?
Mrs. SMITH fear he is past recovery.
For the last two weeks he has eaten
scarcely enough to keep a robin alive.
Mrs. Brown (unconsciously)-Isn't that
lovely!
THEIR brand of breath: Represents
tive Martin, of Texas, recently wal.
loped a reporter because the latter said
that he blew out the gas in his room.
He should have gloried in the assertion.
It isn't every politician who dares to
with the gas with his breath.
WOMAN docking at a house to remit
Il don't fancy these windows on this
side. The people in the next house
,an look in here and see anything that's
going on. Landlord-f you waut the
house, madam, Ill have the windows
up. "How on earth could ]
zee into their windows them"
BACK NUMBERS.
The bald headed man in his family pow
Leaned back on the cushion and slum bsred,
Ind he dreamed that the preacher these words
had proclaimed:
1.-THE hairs OF your head are all numbered
The bald-headed man awoks with start
From his weekly. devotional slumbers;
hen he sank on his knees and fervently prayed.
20 Lord! send mo down the back numbers"
Judge.
81 DECLARED exclaimed Mrs. FogG
IS she vainly endeavored to dissect the
turkey, If you are not the poorest manic
10 marketing. This turkeys as old as
Possibly" replied Fogg,
"but, my dear, it is female
bird, and courtesy to the sex prevented
me from inquiring about her age"
MILLIONAIRE Ito old and poor chum)
You ought to drop your bad habits,
Smith. Ifyou'd stop taking that glass
IF beer every day you'd have $1S.25 in
year. Go on that way for hundred
years and there'u be 1882 in bank If
,othing happens. Then put that in
,ome good stock, and if all goes right
7ou'u make money. That's the way
people get rich.
FASHIONED FOR TIE WEALTHY,