Morning journal and courier., 1889-11-14
TIPS.

A New York waiter says his work reminds
him of very large eagle. 1t is 80 long from
| tip to tip.-Yonkers Statesman.
He was Used to oIt.-Crusty-"Be careful,
| waiter, your thumb is in the soup" Waiter
ct don't mind It, sir; Tm used to it."-The
Epoch.
| Real humorists are scarce, and when a man
| once gets that reputation his whole life is
saddened by the effort to live up to it.-Mo-
bile Register.
| There's one peculiar thing about horse
races. You can pick the winners right along
until you conclude to put up your money
Washington Capital.
The old-fashioned self-made man in poli-
| tics was not perfect, but he was much better
| than the machine. made article of the present
| day.-New Orleans Picayune.
In the French Class Johnny, what is
know" "Then 60 back to your desk and
study till yeu do know."-Harper's Bazaar.
A Chilling Welcome.-U ing Way
farer-"Whar is the man O. the housel'
Farmers Wife with rare presence of mind
-"He's back of the wood-shed buryipg q
tramp."-New York Weekly.
We have received a copy of new paper
"devoted principally to the interests of bond
holders" ALI we want now is some bonds
to hold. and then the new paper will interest
us ely.-Norristown Herald.
He doesn't spoil-"That man is spelling
for hght," remarked Oumso, speaking Of
other. "No, he Is not" replied Fangle. "I
know him. He's professional pugilist."-
brakes Magazine.
Hostess-"May give you some of this
| roast duck, Fraulein?" Fraulein-"No,
| thank you" Father-ssMy daughter eats
very little at home, too" Hostess-sOh, do
! take. some, Fraulsin. Do just ss IL yen we.e
at home."-Lustige Blatter.
A member of suburban Browning club
was found reading the Bible industriously
| day after day. Her daughter commented on
her new habit, and she said: "Yes, dear, I
| find 1t necessary to read the Bible now.
Browning quotes so much from it!"-Bosten
Transcript.
Preparation of eounsel-"And now, gen.
tlemen of the jury, here is circumstance
which certainly ought to weigh in favor Of
my client. The murdered man had just
safely deposited his money in the bank so
tho only thing he lost was his life."-Flie-
gende Blatter.
A little teo muoh.-During the perform
ance of "Hanlst" at the theatre of small
town, the actor who took the principal part
| suddenly tainted, whereupon the director
came forward with the announcement, ask
Ing: lis there no one IN THIS hlgnly 1ntel1-
gent audience who will, to oblige the rest,
undertake the part l''-Fliegsnde Blatter.
A failure.-''1 don't think you'll ever
| make journalist" said tho proprietor of the
Squedunk Genius of Liberty to the new re-
porter. "Why not, sira" "Well in this ac-
count OF SprigR's fat pig, you say 1t weighed
$40 pounds, instead of saying it tipped the
BEAM You can't be too particular about
these little things, young man."-Drake's
Magazine.
Truthful sammy-Col. Hadley was telling
a fish story in the presence of some friends
| and his little boy Sammy. "Yes," con-
| tinusd Hadley, cit took me half day to
land that catfish. I caught him in the Coll
orado river in the spring Of the year before
the war. He weighed, after he had been
cleaned, just 1876 pounds" "You can prove
it by me, pa. Don't you remember, pa, how
I slung him on a stick and carried him
homei" remarked little Sammy. ''Oh, you
| little liar! am ashamed of yeu," exclaimed
Col. Hadlsy. As Sammy is only six years
| old, his testimony as to what happend be-
fore the war Is almost as reliable as the time
a seven dollar watch keeps.- Texas Siftings.