New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-03-14
FUNERAL FASHIONS.
oRITIoIsEp BY Mss sANBoRN.
SOME ExTRAvAaANoEs AND ABsRDITEs or
BEREAVEMENT.

TO the EDITOR OF rae 7rfbWRe.
Sir: We now read Of receptions and funerals with
the same morbid interest IN the society columns Of
some of our best newspapers. In several instances
the name Of the widow OF the dead man IS placed at
the head Of the list Of prominent persons attending
the ceremony. Among those present were MIS-
so and so.' How grimly grotesquei
And when an old club man and sport, a blase
rounder, out with dissipation and excuses,
gives up the ghost hlghprIced quartet, secured Tor
the OCCASION wprble Nearer my God to Thee burst
ing into triumphal climax at tho close II exultfng
over the victorious release Of some noble saint OF
Abide with Me-" selected, or Lead, Kindly Light
which is audaciously blasphemous under the circun-
stances Mourning garb IS often grateful protection
from publicity, but to what conventional climax
even this IS now carried. II really Frustrated Dy
grief how are we to be expected to stand up to be
AfttedS for gowns, wraps bonnets Of the latest
style and the appropriate depth Of woe-an ADDED
trial Tor aching head weary feet and sorrowng hearth
Often the best lessons DO gained from aiction are
lost in mass Of Grape and what hypocrisy Is some
times smotheIed beneath its folds
Wishing to initiate tho rich, see the poor irsh
widow wasting che small left In the savings bank
for snowy mournnS and score Of kcrridges' a'at
her friends mat enjoy Jolly drive at her expense
while she is trying to honor tho "coipse' And those
WHO refined and cultivated, but cramped by scany
incomes or starvation salaries, how difficult how I'M
WISE for them 10 follow the fashion in such matters
That the family is expected TO sit upstairs, away
from their beloved one, during the hymn and prayer
unnatural as for the men TO be expected 70
stand on damp ground with uncovered heads in snow
or rain during the prayer at the grave. How as
like the current phrase "viewing the remains,' gbY
uttered by the CHEEKY undertaken thinking Of HIS Dig
pay he endsavors 10 look melancholy That dear
face so lately wreathed In smiles flushed with SYM
patty that form familiar. impossible to think OF
without life, called the remains That may do Tor
the prosy, dustcovered sermons of some worthy old
divine Of past generations though believe he would
object to It, As used. IT is simply abhorrens'
Nor do believe in two years OF sable gloom and en-
forced solitude Look at the dismal figures seen ee
day on the street. in cars IN church, swaied In hope
less black the faces entirely shrouded by long,
heavy SIS $50 dollar ye shatting out sunshine and
air dangerous to eyes, complexion and health, ana
giving every passerby chill II ono ventures, eEter
months Of torture, to throw back the ve how 1t dTaSs
of the bonnet pulling down the hair, piercing the
head with pins askew, and the unhappy being IS
jerked about until the neck is nearly dsocated b. those
who trying to get by.
Retiring from the world is often q sclfdcnisl or
a burden The reporters speak of birs. SO and 30, as
obliged TO Withdraw invltatloLs for dinner or
dance because father or husband has had tho poor
TASTE not to say bad manners to actually die m inc
height OF the But the really bereaved shouo
not be left In awful loneliness. The piano Is closed
music would be a dlscordsnt sacrilego; yet tho de-
parted may DO enjoying heavenly harmones. The
blinds and draperies shut out all sunlight because
in heaven there is no night. What is imperahVev
needed-eheerful society new occupations, amusc-
meats taking tho mind into new channes-An THIS
IS percmptor1y denied BY fashion and Mrs Grumpy,
and so there nothing eft but to go over and over
the narrowing details the useless regrets until many
arc on the brink Of insanity.
When / am shocked and grfeyed by the sight OF
a familiar name in the columns Of Deaths IL Is
painful to see Please omit howen,' as II the family
feared an invasion Of gigantic and hideouS norai
designs. The word "omlt" would ssem % Indicate
flat there had been chronic tendency among their
friends in that dIreotlod. Flowers sent BY loving
and sympathetlc friends because they arc sympa-
thctc and long 10 show Il, ought never TO be u1we
como and formally forbidden. What can ono 40
A card IA perhaps better with few wons, certainly
more agreeable than a note OK condolenee 50 Gimcnl
To compose. so unsatisfactory when finished With W
exasporatng tT7is1as, words arr inadequate
Time f. tho great healer Providence y nsofuta-
bleS etc Job with all bis trials got no lciiera
II VIC broho fewer Lawn Of health and morals, Provi
dence would not seem 80 "tnscrutabie,' For many
commit unconscious suicide. AMI II we really D.
lieyed what We profess TO believe, Death would not
be 30 terrible q guest. Rather blessed Trend, 70
lead 10 something far better ElAn We dream II
II were not go / would have told you
New.YOrk March 10, 1880. KATE sANBoKN