Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-03-28
Helena, Montana. Thursday, March 28, 1882
BILL NYE'S WOES.
Some of the Chambermaids One Meets o
the Road.

I had very trying experience last week.
It was painful, but not fatal l had been
travelling all the night before, and fatigue
and brain fag were together fighting for my
very existence. got a room when | arrived
and retired to seek much needed rest l had
Just retired, in fact, having carefully locked
the door and left the key in the lock that the
curious could not look in through the keyhole
and see me as lay there asleep and make a
$1,000 painting of me.
Just then there was a slight rattle at the
door, such as you hear when chambermaid
attacks it with a pass key and comes in the
room to sweep holes in the carpet and fill
your lungs full Of debris. l smiled to myself,
for my own key was in the door, and I said
softly, as l bathed my blushing features in
the pillow: "Ahal ahal ye cannot enter
now." But she continued to rattle away with
her key, and l soon saw, with horror, that
my own was beginning to lose its grip, and
finally it fell to the floor with a loud report,
having been pushed out Of the lock from the
other side.
can hardly describe the horror Of my sit
uation. l thought Of handing my handker-
chiefs and perfumery over the transom to
her, and begging her, if she had mother or
f1dence whatever, to go away. l thought Of
going to the door and telling her that we had
better 90 through life as nearly as possible by
separate routes, and that needed rest really
more than did society, but did not dare to
get out of bed for fear the door would open,
and was wise, for it did now burst open, as
had feared, and a tall girl in the prime OF
life, with flashing eye and distended nostrn,
Al chrinl
covered my head with the bedclothes, shud-
dering till my teeth, which were In tumbler
of water near by, chartered together.
"Go away, you hateful thing" said, land
never, never come back again any more"
"But | want to change them sheets" she
said
"Go away" 1 said again. "Even your
voice is hateful in my sight. Take my beau
tiful Seth Thomas silver watch if you will
but, OH 90 away, and heaven will reward
you even better than that"
She then skunk from the room, but it was
long time before l could go to sleep. Even
then my dreams were troubled and my mind
filled with apprehension. l thought l was
being pursued by red eyed unicorn with
navy blue stomach and a Chinese lantern
tied to his tail tried to shake him off, but
could not. He led me down into the in
fernal regions, and insisted on showing me
the iron bridge and the high school, and
spoke of the great progress of the place, and
said that they were likely to get new and
competing road in there this summer; and
he showed me the library and walked me out
to the fair grounds and down on the lake
shore, so that l could take a sulphur bath,
and spoke of the desirability of the climate
for people with bronchial affections, and
wanted me to speak of it in my letters to the
press, and said he would pay me well for it.
Just then heard a knock on my door. l
was so glad to have anybody knock, instead
of picking the lock, that l asked: who's
theref' A rich, manly voice replied, Me"
was glad to hear the welcome voice of
one of my own sex, and so l undid the door
for the gentleman with great alacrity. just
as was bounding lightly back towards my
couch with merry laugh, the party strolled
into the middle of the room bearing small
but rare collection of clammy, mucilaginous
towels. She was heavy set chambermaid
with terror cotter hair and a bass voice.
do not complain. do not murmur. do
not repine But say that a chambermaid
ought not to do that way. A chambermaid
other calling She may put guests slippers
so far under the bed that he cannot get them
without calling out the hook and ladder COM
pany. She may weep over his letters from
his wife, or drown her sorrows in his bay
rum, but she ought not to take bass voice
into a hotel and expect to escape criticism.
Mayor Weston, now of Grand Rapids, be-
fore he b. came wealthy was a newspaper
man in Denver and used to stop at the old
Planters hotel He had mining deal to
write up for the paper, and connected with
the deal was Georgetown superintendent
whom we will address as Julius II. Cavvyo.
Mr.. Cavvyo was to furnish the particulars to
Mr.. Weston, but early in the day he began to
meet old acquaintance and to cement their
friendship by means of a powerful solution
known as embalming fluid.
So, at II o'clock, Mr.. Weston put Julius
II. Cavvyo to rest on his own little bed at the
Planters and went out to prosecute his re-
searches in relation to the Hold Up Mining
and Improvement company. The old Plant
ers' hotel was not exactly like the Hoffman
house or the Gilsey house. You could tell
the difference almost as soon as you sat down
at the table. If you spoke to the waiter
about the tenacity of the steak or the longev-
fty of the butter, he would you tart reply,
and you would have to get along with that
for dessert One man murmured about the
steak and said it was too tough, so therefore
he would not eat it.
"You won't eat itg' calmly replied the
loose jointed waiter. ''You say you won't
eat ita"
81 say so because can't cut it. No man
can cut that steak You can't cut it with
acids. So l won't it."
'WeI, you will eat it," said the waiter,
reaching around as if i'll the act of adjusting
his hustle "You will eat it or I'll wear it
out on you"
He ate it.
But among other things there was a big
alarm bell in the tower of the Planters,
which was won't to ring for fires funerals and
other entertainments. The rope hung in the
hall and when the help of the populace was
required in order to suppress fire or a riot,
the first man to the bell rope saluted the
snowy SUBMITS of the Rocky mountains with
this wild alarm.
While Mr.. Weston was getting his infor-
nation on the streets, the great bell awoke
the echoes in the fastnesses of the canyons
twenty miles away, and the excited populace
swarmed to the Planters to learn what great
calamity had befallen the new city. Mr..
Weston got there at last, and, out of breath,
rushed up to his room. In the hall he found
julius H. Cavvyo ringing the bell. His sus-
penders were draped and soapsuds were drip
ping from his chin and the tip of his Vene-
tan red nose.
"What has happened" painted Weston.
"What are you ringing that bell for, Juliuss"
"Well, what do you spose I'm ringing the
bell fora am ringing for clean towel or
funeral If get the towel there will be no