Morning journal and courier., 1889-12-16
OPEN.

Orderly Sergeant to Recruit.-"By love,
 you keep your mouth ca wide open as if you
 were Columbus the first time he saw New
 York."-Fliegsnae Blattsr.
 Professor in msehanics.-If pressure on
 will Se the on 1ave inches square Sophomors-Two square
 Young wife-"A horrid rat. ate one of
 those lovely canaries my husband gave me, and that's why I got . cat" Matron- "WsIF Young wife-"And then the cat ate the other. Life.
 Meteorological Item.-Tommy-s'Pa. may I ask you questionv' Pa-"Certainly, my child" Tonmy-"Well, where is the man, in Texas Siftings.
 Drinks go down with other things. The Homer Journal says: "On account of the decline in cotton, the Parlor Saloon has marked down everything csrrespondingly. New Orleans Picayuns.
 Financial editor-ssMoney' very close this morning." Sporting editor (whose pay has been docked) )-" 'Tis, ehi Well, whom it comes close enough for me to reach any, just you sing out!"-Lawrenoe American. A grasp on fame: Parson-"Fame, my brother, is hard thing to grasp" Travel ing Companion-"Well, don't know; but think have grasp on it-a case of mine in the Supreme court Is doeketed for 1923. J Time.
 "If," said a downtown school teacher to a very bad little girl in school, eff you don't
 behave yourself I'll write note to your father" "Well," said the child, eff you write note to my father my mother will get jealous. s.-Philadelphia Record. Good man (to street hoodlum)-"My son,
 don't you think you would bs happier, bet ter and more useful boy if you would become Q member of our Sunday sohoolF' Hood. l lum (evidently ouohed)-"Going to have q Christmas tree this year9"-Chicago Tribune. The New York Tribune says ssthe girls of Wellesley college are busy inventing col | lege cry." If some one were to admit . mouse into the room where the girls were | discussing the subject, the college cry
 would quickly invent itsslf.-Norristown Herald.
 Teacher (who has had to tell Johnny near ! ly all of bis lesson)-"What did tell you | shepherd isf' Johnny-"One who tends to sheep" Tsacher-"C Correct. Now see il you can tell mo what coward isf' John l ny (hopefully) who tends to sows."- Philadelphia Times.
 l Customer (to boss barber)-"Why don' you get a decent hair.cutteri Here you have six men, and not one of them can suit mel
 Boss barber-"Yss; know 1t is little un. pleasant. I'm going to have some better
 hands soon. I've been obliged to get my own hair cut outside all this winter. "-Puck
 waggish Friend-Where did you gel that
 Spriggins (gasping)-Eha Wha-
 tThat hat3'
 l sOh Hat? Of course, of coursel Bough | it around the corner. I was afraid you wal
 going to ask me where got this umbrella.
 New York Weekly.
 ssI shall assuredly cut that beast Shahpleigl dead the vewy next time I have chance!' exclaimed little Mir. De Byrd with ladylik' firt of his hand and twist of his sweet head as he hounced out of the State department
 "Why, Lady, what has he been doing now t make you 80 vewy angwy.n tenderly inquired his friend Simpersnip. "Why, the brute wa ! in the elevatah and when entahed he tool of his hat and held 1t in his hand until I go ont. Weally, I won't enduah his insult much longah. ."-The Lounger.