The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-03-28

How we Rosebuds could contriye
To furnish such supper
Fer only twenty five.
DURMMER's JOKE.
peanuts have riz hain't they 2 asked
a smooth, drawing voice, the owner of
which was whiting stick as he sat
comfortably astride a grocery barrel,
"Well, yes, they came up in the
spring" The fat, well dressed drum
mer twisted bis sleek moustache, with
smile; he meant that the vines came up,
not the price of peanuts.
Think til, y1l keep on rising y Per
kins had no possible ohj'ct in asking ex-
cept a Yankee love OF questioning.
''Well, yes, probably keep 90 rising
through harvest (peanut harVes) Want
t. invest
Dunno but might if could get
three or four sacks pretty chepp. I'm
always in for a speck, you know"
Now, the drummer knew perfectly
well that Perkins was getting in one OF
his absurd dry Jokes, and would no more
think of ordering peanuts in quantity
than he would carload of monkeys but
he was a man no lhriyed on a ] Ike
better than most people do on milk and
honey, 80 he pulled Lut his notebook
wi fl Iurish aud wrote, IN his large
hand. NAT Perkins, four sacks of pea
nuts" ard returned the book to his
pocket.
Putting it down in black and white
are you r
'Of course" laughed the drummer;
You don't suppose Id lose such a
good customer by neglectlng 10 take MS
order ?"
b tn laughed heartily at what was
supposed to be good joke, and soon
politics absorbed the attention OF the
parties, and the subject of peanuts sank
into desuetude while the rivsl merits OF
Blaine and Cleveland were discussed.
About two weeks later, while P, rkins
aud his wife were lettering over late
breakfast, there came a tremendous ing
at the bell, and Mrs. Perkins went to Il e
door. A tall, guant potter stood there
and dray loaded with four .mmtn
sacks stood before the house.
"Where'll you hav, 'em, ma am Z he
asked, smiling from ear 10 Ear. de was
fecetious man by nature, but the idea
of delivering such cargo at a private
house, where there were no children,
Sc med to strike bis risibllities in ten
der spot.
"Have what ?" asked Mrs. Perkins,
somewhat sternly. She thought the
man was drunk and had mistaken the
house, and she had no patience with
drunken men. "You must have made
mistake" free zingly.
"No mistake at all, ma'am. Theyr
directed to Nat Perkins, ma'am, and We
know him ever since he was knee-hlgh
to grasshopper, ma'am."
Mrs. Perkins was but recently mar
ried, and had not made the acquaint
ance of her husbands entire circle OF
friends.
"What on earth is it Baled nay or
feathers ~ She had an idea that her
husband was surprising her with an out
fit of feather beds.
peanuts, ma'am," replied the man,
laconically.
peanuts p Mrs. Perkins afterward
declared that she could have been
knocked down with a feather. my
land o. Goshen p
Here Perkins came sauntering into
the hall leiFurely, picking his teeth with
a splinter. ..
whats the racket, Ginevra ?"
She turned upon him severely.
"What on earth have you been buying
load of peanuts for' You know hate
them"
peanuts ~ 1t was his turn TO be as
tonished, and his very hair stood up
with asJonishment.
"Where'll unload 'em, Nat 2 The
porter was getting impatient. Late at
it was, he hadn't had his breakfast, and
had another delivery to make.
Unload your grandfather l donL
want any OF your confounded peanuts,
and Perkins glared at the innocent por
ter as If he suspected bin of playing
some sort OF practical joke upon him.
"Now look here, Nat Perkins, none
o. your fodlln'. Them air peanuts came
to you ell marked an billed reglar, an
was told to oliver 'em, and I'm going
to eff have to pitch 'em out on the side
walk here" and he clambered into his
drsy, preparatory to carrying out his
threat. .--. ...
"Consarn it all F.! hain't bought any
pean-,n Perkins commenced to say but
the memory of his conversation with the
drummer flashed across hia mind, and
he fairly turned white in his wrath.
I'D rat the drummer " he muttered,
under his breath. If had him here
I'd shake him as Gyp shakes rat,
quite forgetting that the drummer out
weighed him by near hundred pounds.
You can Just unload those peanuts
an pile them up IN the back yard, with
a suIky smile. "You didn't know thBt
had gone into the wholesale peanut
business, did you p trying to convince
the porter that the proceeding was a
satisfactory and leg innate one.
THAT drummer sent me few more
than expected, that's ALL Perkins
did detest being laughed at, and he
knew he would be if he allowed the
story to leak out.
The porter did as he was hidden, and
the sacks seemed TO grow bigger in Per
kins' eyes as he saw them stacked up 10
his back yard, and if the drummer had
been there il 10 doubtful II even bis su'
perior avoirdupois would have saved
him from getting hurt, for Perkins was
actually dangerous in his evaporation
| The drummer struck the town in hil
route every four weeks, and Perkins
laid low for him with schemes innumer
able the next time he appeared, Offering
him loaded cigars and the like; but ht
was willy fish, and refused to nibble Al
any bait, however tempting, which Per
kins might offer, and the injured mar
went home in di. pair, after seeing thu
disgusting drummer go nff on the plat
form Of train with an airy Ia II, Per
kins: what's the price Of peanuts =
He betook himself to the barn, VIII n
he could gr,ticulste and express bimsel
as the occasion demanded without en-
oountering his wife's admonltoiy Nov
Nathsniel;" and after he had exhau, tet
his stock of aCj jciives and expletiyes hr
sat down IN p h"x, were hnryinR hi