The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-12-04
WISE AND UNWISE.

JoHN-Elvira, do you love me. or Is
il my money? Elvira-John, l love
you both.
WHEN dude is near sighteds and
half-witted he gets on very well with
half an eye-glass.
The unmarried females of the coun-
try will be much interested in the work
of the Patrons of Husbandry.
THE "Forty-niners" of California
We're Pan-Americans, though some
pan'd out better than others.
LENA (from New York City)-And
you are going to marry, Ella? Ella
Yes. thought would for while.
"MUcILAGE trust been formed" said
Jags To Gags. Somebody's going to
get stuck" was the prediction that
followed
THERE is rumor that the senior
class at Harvard University is deterio-
rating, and the election of a negro as
class orator seems 10 give color TO 1t.
FRIEND--Is Jernie's husband good
provider? Mother-in-law = Immense!
They've been married only about five
years and they have whole houseful
of children.
"WHY," said the husband, "do you
wear the hair of another woman on your
head?" why" retorted his better
half, do you wear the skin of another
calf on your hands?"
Mrs. WATTS - Mothers birthday
comes next week, and L want to make
her present. What would you sug-
r.. Il ho1 v
I'd give her nice, heavy tombstone.
DIGGNs-Do you see that portly
man over there by the door? Virgins
Yes; fine-looking man. Diggins-He
takes life easily. Wiggins-Looks as
if he did. Diggins-He does; he's
doctor.
GENIAL host-Pathrick, me bhoy,
you've had quite enough to dhrink.
Take me advice; when We get to the
top of the street yell see two cabs;
take the first, because, begorra, there's
only one.
MISTRESS It's singular We. didn't
catch any mice last night. Did You
set the trap, Bridget? Bridget did.
mum. l set it forninst the cheese, and
thin covered it over wild an old hat so
that the mice couldn't see it.
AGENT-Mr Moneymuch, can sell
you photograph, the greatest inven-
ton of the age? The machine will guar
antee to talk 200 words per minute,
and Mr.. Moneymuch-Thank you,
sir, but l don't need it. The sewing
circle meets twice per week at our
house.
A NICE plaything for children:
Mrs. Bandbox-1ou said the train
l should take leaves at 10 30, didn't
you? Ticket Agent-Yes, madam and
/ think I've told you that about ten
times already. "Yes, / know you have,
but my little boy says he likes to hear
You talk.
FOND father-Harry, YOU have been
waiting on Miss Watson for over year.
Why don't you marry her? Harry
She isn't emotional enough. Fond
father-Great Scott, boy, what do you
want with an emotional woman? The
crown of my head is as bare as bill
lard ball. Your mother was an emo
tional woman.
PARIsHIoNER-Dea I doan't hab
much faith in dat new minister wot yo'
got TO our church from down Richmond;
he has dun prayed TO rain for fo' weeks
and not drap has felled yet. Deacon
Yes, Bre'r Willyums, but it hab
rained pow'ful hard at Richmond, an
/ guess de Lawd hab dun fo'gotten dat
de minister hab changed his place oh
residence.
NOT INSURED.
The moon beams calmly sifted down
Upon two tender things
Matilda Martha Robinson
And William Henry Bings.
The youth smitten by her charms
And closer to her lennt,
And having dared to kiss her, cried,
1T was an accidentl'
For shame young man !" exclaimed the
maid
Withhold your compliments.
For VOL you know I'm not insured
Against these accidentsl"
Hap sand Mishdps.