The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-02-16
ARsURD1TIEs AT THE ALTAR.
Some Amusing Incidents at the Mar
riage Service.

Some ludicrouS errors committed by agl-
tated and absent-minded pairs as they stood
before the altar are related by preacher in
Chambers Journal:
Timothy Duggan was stevedore, per-
haps feet inches in hight and proportion
ately broad. He appeared as bridegroo
the bride was a charming young person of
tender years. All went well until the mo-
ment came for Timothy and his bride to
give their troth to each other in the pre-
scribed manner.
Say after me" said 1 to Timothy, az
Timothy"
There was no response.
Say after me, repeated the parson, II,
Timothy-'n
Timothy was still silent, a puzzled look
creeping over his broad face.
"Say after me-" said l for the third
time, with. perhaps, shade of annoy
ance.
AFTER you, SIR" responded Timothy,
with the politest possible duck of his bullet
head
But the indifference to the rubic is so
great that upon the injunction, "Place the
ring on the third finger" l have more than
once seen the bridegroom clap it upon the
third finger of his own hand with all the
complacency in the world. Once l de-
tected bridegroom endeavoring to force
the ring on the brides thumb; but there
ing merry before coming to church that
morning. The same excuse could not be
offered for bridegroom from whom |
could get no word of response, not even
sulky 81 will" The situation was becom-
ing most embarrassing, when the solitary
br. demaid-his sister-casually observed;
''E's a little ard of earring, sir"
The man was stone deaf; yet they had
not thought it necessary to tell the
parSon. If the bridegroom understood
not word of the service, what it did mat
ters
But the marriage service from first to
last is full of pitfalls for the unlearned
man. In some cases it becomes painfully
clear that the contracting parties recognize
but few of the words they are hidden to
say, and merely initiate the sound with such
accuracy as their imperfect knowledge will
permit. The Ito have and to hold" ought
to be simple enough, but, as a matter-of-
fact, they are the subjects of some astound-
ing blunders. | remember one bridegroom
who had brought a very charming young
bride to church, and perhaps regarded her
as thing of beauty to be in his home joy
forever, rendering ito have and to hold" as
Ito have and behold" Another, who pos
sibly had some cause to dread the fate Of
Mr.. Caudle, struck out an entirely new
version, and faithfully promised "to have
and be told" "To love and to cherish" is
n. L
love and be cherries" was the nearest to
the original of many variations popular
among the males of that parish. The
brides were happy with the familiar rem
dering. ''to love cherries and to bay"
Goods holy ordinance" tripped up many.
'Holy orders" was convenient, and perhaps
conveyed the most meaning plight thee
my troth" and "glve thee my troth" were,
| imagine, words of foreign sound, and |
well remember one young person, who was
wedding most villainous looking fellow,
changing her sentiment into thereto give
thee my throat" There was, perhaps n
unconscious prophecy wrapped up in that
promise.
The words accompanying the delivery of
the ring are, as everybody knows the sub
ject of some characteristic blundsrs. never
heard some of the more elaborate distor-
tions credited to countrymen, but our people
nobly distinguished themselves over the
clause with all my worldly goods | thee
endow.n They never Numbered so aptly
as the fortune hunter who, in wedding an
heiress, unwittingly said, 'rwith all my
goodly words l thee endow;" they were
content to produce similar sound with a
sublime Indifference to sense. 81 thee
and thou" 81 thee do bow" II thee
allow, were the most popular of these YER
sions.
But nothing more clearly indicates the
of the poor regard the service of the church
tnan the fact that oncs upon time l came
upon youthful curate solemnly and de-
vOutly marrying the the father of bride
groom to the mother of his bride IN the
presence of their own proper partners The
discovery was brought about in this way.
1t was Christmas morning, 6 eat time
for weddings, since boxing day then Re
manned for the honeymoon Seven or eight
couples had given notice, and the congrega-
ton was large. While one curats regis
tered the couples in the vestry another mar
ried them in succession with such expedi-
ton as a slight stutter would permit The
old parish clerk, with his list of names,
called UP the high contracting parties
as the turn of each came. | superiutended
the whole proceedings In the vestry room
were two young people being registered,
whose names we're, let us say, Jones and
Smith. Coming around to the chancel
again one was a little surprised to find the
old clerk inquiring among the congregation
for Mr.. Smith and a Mrs. or Miss Jones.
When | next looked in his direction he had
brought up to the chancel steps gentle
man well-stricken in years and dressed in
sleeved waistcoat The bride was a broad,
comelY woman, whose turned-up sleeves
left bare two monstrous crimson arms. OPP
pressed by an uncomfortable suspicion |
hurried to the vestry, and there found the
young people, Jones anu OlnlCns JuSI pay
ing the fees.
Us your father here9" said to the bride
groom.
Eyes, sir"
as your mother here9'-to the bride.
Eyes, sir"
'Now," said to Jones the younger, "look
through the door and tell me if that is your
father being married there"
"Well, sir, returned Jones, after a leis-
urely inspection, "he's having it read over
to him.
''Is your mother alivep
"She's in church"
Il was the work of an instant to rush
around and stop the service. But when the
people were dragged asunder, Jones, the
elder, in reply TO an indignant inquiry
as to what he meant by it, cody replied:
"Well, he" indicating the penitent clerk
with jerk of his grimy thumb "he told US
to come this way"
That couple had been charged by men
ton of 1.-THE dreadful day of judgment"
when Ne secrets Of all hearts shall be dis
closed, " 10 say whether they knew any i'm
pediment why they might not lawfully be
Joined together in matrimony; and they
heard il in silence. So did the wife Of the
one and the husband of the other have
often wondered how far they would have
gone without remonstrance. Pehaps the
demand for a ring would have precipitated
the crisis There is a legend told in great