The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-04-02
BILL NYE IN CHICAGO
A Few Characteristic Remarks
on the Lake City.
GENERAL BUFFERS READY WIT.
A Fertile Mind knowledge is Power, but it is
not MOneY-The Lime Kiln Club
No Mistake.

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came to Chicago from the east fearing
that would be shocked and panied almost
constantly by the rudeness and ignorance of
the masses. And l hate to be shocked. l
have been reared so carefully that few
shocks would be fatal 10 me Our people
were extremely refined and high strung Sew
eral of my ancestors drove their own teams
and hauled freight from the depot. We are
a naughty race, and when irriGated would
fight for our honor or anything else that pre-
sented itself.
The Nyes extend back into the past for hun
dreds of years. They have occupied every
position of trust all over the pages of the
grocery history Of their country. And so l
was as pleased as a child when | entered this
rough western town, so far removed from the
great thought emporiums and brain works of
the thinllful and tidy east, and found SO much
real merit, so much that we are fond of in
the east, yet hardly expect to find so far west,
where everything is, OIL so crude and oh! SO
coarse Among other things l brought my
pajamas with me and finger bowl 1 did
not think l would find any finger bowls out
here, and l must have my finger bowl or l
-SIcken and fade away.
There are some real good stores here, and
eastern people who may be hesitating about
coming here because there is no good place to
trade, need not hesitate any longer.
Society here, too, is good 1t is so good
that so far, have not been pressed to enter
it much, and so | can see that it is not so
mixed as l have been told it was at home.
Michigan avenue is beautiful street. Max
O'Rell says it reminds him of the Bots de
Boulogne. That is just what it reminds me
of, but l never could think before what
it was till he spoke of it. At first L
thought it was the Champs Elysees that it
reminded me of. 1t is a much more desir-
able street for walking purposes than the Rue
de Boiler or the Bots de West Side.
The Chicago river is one of the most desc
late and arid streams l have observed. 1t
has the same soiled and troubled bosom that
S6e sometimes sees in the lower walks of
dfe, and it moves very, oh, so very delber-
ately, like man going to the train to meet
his wifes mother, knowing that she does not
approve of him.
Two million three hundred and eighty-two
thousand COWS were made widows here last
year. Five thousand pigs per day also bite
the dust, after having emitted piercing
with life before him. Anon we find him cold
in death. His chest has large hole in it,
and big, big chip gives his mouth a hard,
set look. 1t is awful And yet to see Mr..
Armour there, with his sleeves tucked up
above his dimpled elbows and the tips of his
red fannels just showing roguishly beneath,
you would find it hard to say in your heart,
Here is a cold, cruel man. He fits here
and there among the workmen, looking now
at the breastbone of a Quincy shote to see if
we will have an open winter, and then going
on to where he is trying to keep up cob fire
under a hogshead in which he is smoking
some of his justly celebrated hams.
"And are you fond Of your work, Mr..
ARMOUR" l asked, as he began to pull out
the chin whiskers of an adult hog. Indeed
- am" he replied. 1T seems almost like play
to me now. At first it made me very tired,
and l yearned for something more remunera-
tive, but it pays real well now. And though
feel very weary at night as l get home and
put on my other clothes, l am sustained and
soothed by the blessed assurance that have
made three millions Of dollars, and that is
worth making a sacrifice for. OF course it is
pleasanter to write thoughts for the paper and
wear good clothes every day and call yourself
literary than it is to assassinate hogs all day
and go home smelling like q lard rendering
recital, but literature is not so remunerative.
am therefore content. My lot may not be
so fragrant as yours, but it is not after all
an undesirable one"
He then buried his cleaning blade in the
watch pocket of large ecru hog, and as he
began to unravel the digestive economy of
the poor brute turned aside and hid my
face on the shoulder of a young lady who
stood near by am brave man in a great
emergency, but when my honor is not at
stake my heart is just as tender as it can be.
speak of Mr. Armours works because it
is customary to do so. People who come to
Chicago from the east at once repair to the
pork centers and, having seen them, they
write letter about the matter and go home.
An old Chicago business man who has ST.
253, S5O.27 more than | have as write these
lines, said to me: you see, with about a
million of people here, you must remember
that the larger number are by birth eastern,
4 so we claim, Mr. Nye, to know as much as
the eastern people and what we have learned
since we came west besides"
THAT may be true" said in tone of
gentle cast irony, "but when you come west
you lose that cool, cultivated look Of refined
vacuity which we of the east constantly dote
on. We do not like that in you. 1t is real
coarse You say 'Hullor and treat strangers
politely without knowing who they are. That
is where you fool yourselves in the west. We
eastern people resent your easy way of get
ting acquainted with people on trains and In
public places and treating them Hospitality.
You shouldn't do that. You ought to be more
coy until people identify themselves. Don't
you know that man with the slightest tinge
of intellect can get along first rate socially if
he will preserve an air of hauteur and reserve
instead of your off-hand bonhominy, as we
say in dear old FranceF'
1t is easy for the observer to readily trace
the evolution Of culture without going out Of
the cars Leaving San Francisco you are on
good terms with everybody, from the en-
gineer to the rear brakeman, within twenty
four hours. The California senator divides
his lunch and cigars with the homeward Bos-
tonian, and the San Francisco millionaire
PLAYS whist with the sad eyed humorist.
Crossing the Missouri river the air of Curl
osity manifests itself, followed east of Chicago
by falling off in the rapport and persihage
3 business, until between New York and Boston
[ the stranger feels the same air of cordiality
that Mr.. Enoch Arden did whenhe got home,
late at night, looked in the window and went
awav-Bill Nye in New York World,