Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-06-14
SIS AND NO.

ONE touch OF dead-beat nature makes
the whole world skin.
A DEBT over a game Of cards IS, even
though entirely honest, 8 trumped-uP
charge.
Why Is it that a man never gives the
minister so high q fee for marrying him
the second time?
@IT was an awful sight, quOth Mrs.
Spriggins. sIt was just Ike one Of
those Horoscopes you dream about
THEx met by chance. She seemed district
While he was i'll e ease,
EhR hsst on onions dlned that Gay,
he on HhIburger cheese.
THE bill collector probably doesn't
ike his business any better than the
man who pays him, but it has to be
dun.
Law is like sieve. You may see
through il, but you must be consider
ably reduced before you can get
through 1t.
TIE difference (there Is a diFerence)
between g gas well and the spring fish
eFman Is that one is q bore for gRs and
the other Is a gOer for bass.
aHow's BUSINESS this morning, Mr..
Pellet?" Very brisk. thank you, re-
Piled the druggist. Eve sold ten 2
cent stamps and three postal cards In
the last hour"
The champion scuIIer" and the
champion scholar" are often gradu-
ated from the same college, but the
former makes the most mOney.-N0T-
rjStO1OgS Herald.
THEY had been talking about orders
and decorations, and their conversation
dTifted round to the land Of the TeutOn.
What's the principal German order ?"
Smith queried. Zwei beer" was
Jones' prompt reply.
FIRST countEyman: "That Teller in
store-clOthes is putin on a heap o
style; wish could take him down
bit. Second countryman: where's
the chap from ?" New York. Ask
him about the Grant monument"
Mrs. JAGGs-Ful1 again, I suppose2
declare, you are nothing but q per-
ambulating saloon. Mr. Jaggs-Bet
nobody calls you a saloon. Want E
know Wy? III just tell you. Sloon
does shut up once a week, N you never
(hic) do.
THERE is absolutely nothing new IN
bOnnets this spring, exclaimed Mrs,
Potts on her return from a shopping
tour. 81 can tell you what would be some
thing new in women's bonnets, said Mr..
Potts, with the air of a man who has
an idea. well, what? Cheapness 90
asked his spouse. mo. Brains"
IT has hitherto been maintained that
the curl in a pigs tail is more for orna-
ment than use. The position is no
! longer tenable. A large SOW was seen
walking down Cincinnati street some
time ago with piece of red tape at
! tached to said curl, from which was ap-
! pended a card on which was written
Patrick Doolan's Pig Betsy"
New BoARDER-"I strikes me these
biscuits are tough" Mrs. Bazoo (the
landlady)-"Y Young man. Z made those
biscuits, and I've made them before
! you were born" New boarder (un-
abashed)-"I don't doubt it, ma'am;
but why don't you keep them in the
curio cabinet? Aren't you afraid
somebody might break them?"
WHAT did your uncle do for
/ you in his viii ?" Bills viii was
entirely in my favor. Pm in luck ?"
Left you all his money, did hep" Not
directly. He left all his property to
/ charitable institutions" Il thought
! you said you were IN luck?" $50 I
/ am. All the other heirs are going TO
break the viii, and they have employed
me as their lawyer"
BACK AND FRONT VIEW. 81
He followed her right down the street,
! With his eyes on her little back glued
He noted her sweet ripping feet,
/ And her hat with It's bows many-hueds-
] A picture he mentally drew
OF her jacket Of faTn-cOlOred stuff
Her dress of a dainty spring hue,
Her gloves and her little fur Enuff.
/ He wondered what kind OF a face
On that figure Dame Nature had planted
Curiosity fastened his pace;
To see for himself the wretch wanted.
She turned and he fed for his life,
With laugh that WRE hollow and forced
For the peri only his wife,
From whom ne had just been divorced.
At TIE BASEBALL, PARK.