The Washington critic., 1889-04-24
MArrnR WORTH REAp1Na

The folloyinV descrintion of how Nrs.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox ooes TO he'd ia taken
from the Chicapo Times,
know married man whose wife once
slept with Mrs, Ella Wheeler Wilcox. He
was talking 10 me about this nan war he
tween Mrs, Wilcox and Mrs. Atherton.
| "ATy wife told me that she had rather
sleep on the floor than ever sleep in the
same bed with Ella again. said the wretch,
with twinkle IN his eve. had not asked
him to tell me ANYTHING, but he kept right
on
any wife said Ella Jumped In bed first.
leaving her to turn out the light. That she
covered up her head and uttered little
scream and then called out: Lock the door
and look under the bed, NV wife obcved
these iniunctions, turned out the LIGHT and
sought the couch Of her hostess, who was
shiveriug from head to feet. The poetess
threw her arms about my wife's neck and
said Il hear a noise Ny wife listened
and heard nothing aud pacifed her
hostess. For few minutes all was
quiet, when the poetess wrapped the
sheets about her, seized my wife by the
hair, and said In whisper: 'Harki hear
footsteps This spasm passed Off aud
quiet was restored. They fell asleep. Later
in the night the poetess had another at
tack this time almost pushing my wife out
of bed, and saying, under the sheet,
There's somebody IN the house., NY wife
arose, lit the gas, looked about the house.
and, finding nothing, returned TO Ella with
the assurance that all was quiet. Two or
three times during the night this was re-
peated. My wife was worn out by morn
ing and left her hostess as soon as she
could get away without violating tho rules
of conventionality. But she told rue she
wouldn't sleep with her again for $500. II
my wife knew had told this she WOULDN'T
sleep with me.,'-TN, Y. Graphic.
Don't Judge by the Face.
vThe face is not a very reliable guide to
either past or present Some people suffer
so easily and so terribly Some people have
every little ache recorded in their faces.
some have broken bearts under the lovo,iest
smile and the most charming expression.
II is not always safe to say that the merry
little man with the rubicund face and smil-
ing eyes must be very, very happy, and
have had life of pleasure. Disposition
has little to do with what happens to you.
To have a'happy disposition is to kseppeo-
pie from symp1thizing with you when you
are in trouble. The merry little man may
have his grief. Perhaps II you were to
watch him you would see him go and get a
handful OF violets and steal out to lay
them on little grave. The young fellow
who looks SO very miserable and talks about
the hollowness of life and wants to com
NIT suicide is only suffering because his
young lady told him the night before
that he needn't come If he didn't want
to. That's oil. He will want to, and he
will go and she will forgive him and they
will be all right There's girl whose face
bears the impress OF unutterable dread; her
conversation Is incoherent; her mind is
agitated. Don't disturb her. Give her
time and she'll ask you II her back hail
Isn't coming down, and when you tell her II
is all right she will become quite good ma
tured; but she will take the first chance she
gets to fix 1t. There is an awful lot o.
wastedsympathy In this world.-[San Fran
cleo Chronicle.
He Was Fond of Catsup..
About half the diners in the big room iu
the Astor House scarcely knew yesterday
afternoon whether to laugh or get whoop-
ing mad. Two city men and countrymm
were the objects Of special interest. The
city men had invited their country friend tc
luncheon. Oysters on the shell were or
dered. The city men used lemon ON theirs
but their friend wanted cat5up One OF tn,
city men showed a bottle of Tobasco sauce
toward the guest He seemed pleased, and
with the miniature nozzle of the bottle well
down on his oyesters began to hammer on
the bottom In order to make sure to gel
enough. He was apparently fond Of catsuI
on his oysters. He covered them with the
bright red fluid and pumped an oyster into
his mouth.
Then came tho scene. He swallowed tn,
oyster in agony, but 1t was nothing to tn,
agony that came afterward Ills tongue
and lips and throat we're frightiully bills
| .ered by the fiery sauce. He sprang from
his chair and moaned with pain. He dranl
glass after glass OF water, aud thcr
dumped half a goblet of sweet oil down hi.
throat.
His hosts were cbagrined enough whel
the injured guest incontiuently left then
and they heard uncomplimentary remark
from their neighbors. \. Sun.
She Returned the Parrot.
Second avenue lady who bought n mar
rot. warranted IN talk n few davs apo. re-
turned the bird yesterday with the explans
natlon:
"I can not possibly put up with the Ian
guage used by this bird. Why, It is some
| Thing awful ', as