Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-06-03
CHAPTER xxxY.-orF.

WAS 3 source OF amusomenb 10 uo TO 1ccu sAot
owl with, mice. When the trap had caught one
of these night disturbers, Itook it to the solemn
owl, who sat blinking in the daylight half
awake and half asleep. The owl at once gulped
down the mouse, and then went fast asleep
with the mouse in her inside, but with the end
of the tail protruding from her beak. About
an hour later went to the owl, took hold OF
the end of the mouse's tail and pulled 1t, where
upon up the throat of the owl came the mouse,
backward, and the bird of wisdom was reused
to wild wonder and profound puzzlement to
account for the sudden disgorging Of her meal
Mrs. Sidebottom had bolted uncle jeremiah
and was doing her best to digest him and his
fortune, when, unexpectedly, her meal came to
life again, and she sat gulping, blinking, be-
muzzed in her sitting room waiting for the re-
turn of Lambert from the billiard table, TO
communicate to him the news that had reached
her. Anyone who had seen my owl would per-
ceive at once that the case of Mrs. Sidebottom
was analogous.
The CONSERVATION could hardly have been
greater on Quilp resppearing when posse OF
wives was sitting discussing him, esteemed
dead; and jeremiah was no Quilp. But 1t Is
not Quilps alone who would produce dismay
were they to return to life. Imagine the emo
tions produced in a hospital which has received
bequest of $4,000. and has spent l5 guineas
on the portrait of the benefactor, should the
benefactor descend from the frame. declare
himself alive, and require the return OF MS
thousands. Think Of the junior partner, who
has been waiting till senior shufhed OF his
mortal coil to make room for him; how would
he feel were the dead to return to life? Tnink
of the curate waiting for the living. the next
presentation to which is for him, should the
old rector, after having laid himself down in
his grave, change his mind and get out and re-
sumo his benefice for another Is yearsl
Mrs. Sidebottom, had but just received news
of the temperance Of Uncle Jeremiah, and,
like an energetic woman, she wasted as little
time as might be in exclamations Of dismay.
She was not the woman to hover in uncertainty
and ask advice how to get out of difficulty.
Like one who has trodden in mire, she pulled
her leg out instantaneously to set 1t on dry and
firm ground.
81 don't know how the law stands, and
whether the sentence of the Court Of Probate
can be reversed" she said, "but of one thing l
am very sure-that he who has can hold, and
tire out those who try to open his hands. If he
has any wit"
Then in came Lambert
"Oh, Lambp exclaimed his mother, "here is
a pretty predicament we are inl My brother
jeremiah has come to life againr'
Inc captain DurSL out Laughing,
This is no laughing matter. said his mother,
testify. "How can you be such ahyena? Jere-
miah has reappeared at Mergatroyd. and there
is-wer, can't mince matters-the devil to
pay. l presume he will want to reclaim what
we have distributed between us. The mill, of
course, with the business, he will take back un-
der his control, and cut off the supply thence.
That is serious matter-and then there is the
money he left"
(Which suppose he will require you to re-
turn"
(which can't and won't return. Bless me,
Lamb, what state of thingsl Our income re-
duced from half the profits of the business to
one.sixth, which he cannot touch. as that comes
to me under my marriage settlement. We
must leave England-we must leave at once. /
shall know nothing about Jeremiah's return.
shall keep away till see in what humor he is,
what he intends to do, and in what light he re-
CARDS me. There are trifies connected with the
administration don't care to meet him about i.
As for his savings his securities and SO on,
will return nothing" she stamped her foot
sno, Lamb; for, in fact, cantp
"How do you know that he is back, and that
this is not false alarmr'
sIook here" She tossed letter to
him. 'It is laconic. He wrote it with sneer
Il know he did. jeremiah never liked me. He
has disappeared, and has come to life again,
out of Spite"
Captain Pennycomequick-to be correct,
PenycombeQ Quick-took the letter and read it
with smile.
1t was short.
DEAR LoUIsA-I am back, hearty again. I
have been to Algiers for my health. had
rheumatic fever, and when I came round !
found you had already pronounced me dead,
and had divided the spoils-concerning which,
a word later. Your affectionate brother,
JEREMIAH P"
SIS it his handwriting?" asked Lambert.
"Of course it is Here is a pretty mess for
me to be in. shall have everyone laughing at
me, because swore that the man in the shirt
and great coat was jeremiah. Concerning
which-the spoils-a word later What does
he mean by that, but that he proposes calling
me to account for every penny? will not re-
main in England. 1 cannot. 1 will not receive
this letter"
"But you have received it."
II shall make my landlady return it, with a
note to say that she took the liberty to open it,
so as to be able to write to the sender, and say
that 1 have gone abroad for my health. Where
shall say have gone to? To Algiers, whence
Jeremiah has just returned"
"You cannot do that"
'But will. Self-preservation is the first law.
AS for the money! lost some by that Beaple
Yeo; not much, but some l was SO prompt and
had such presence of mind that l caught the
man and made him refund before he had got
rid of most of it. 1 have money IN securities
railway debentures and foreign loans. I have
all the papers by mel trust no one but myself,
since my faith has been shaken by Smithies.
Lamb, we must be of directly. 1t would be
too much shock to my nerves to see my
brother that was dead and is alive again. What
are you laughing at, Lamb? You really are
silly"
"There is some prospect now of my coming
to that hundred and fifty, 1 hope" said the
captain "Uncle jeremiah may now write an
other will.'
"How selfish your arei You think only OF
yourself, not how am afflicted. But, Lamb
1 have had you sponging on me all these years
and keeping me in an exhausted condition that
is intolerable."
1--WE shall revert to our former condition,
suppose. now" said Lambert, unconcernedly.
THAT is precisely what cannot do. Return
to poverty and middle-class society, the very
crown and climax of which is a Lord and Lady
Mayoress-when we are on the eve of making
the acquaintance Of county peoplel What
have you done for yourself? You have been
too inert to seize the chances have put in
your way You must marry money. Jane Null
berry was worth 500 per annum, and you let her
slip through your fingers"
''She had a mustache."
"She had money. Five hundred pounds
would gild it. Then there was Miss Smith.
son."
She was insipid."
What of that2 The insipid women make the
best wives, they are non-reSistant. In marriage.
men should be teetotalers and take weak and
washy women. They are far the best to get on
with"
Don't think I've much fancy for such" said
the Captain lanpuidlv