Morning journal and courier., 1889-02-07
HE WON'T BE THERE,
The Reasons Why a Western Editor VIII Not He At she Inauguration.

Will Not He At she Inauguration. From the Garden City (Kansas) Herald] We are in receipt of polite request from the committee on invitation to attend the inauguration ceremonies at Washington on March 4th, 1889, but owing to circumstances beyond our control we shall be compelled to
 respectfully decline. Some people would
 send in cold, formal declination and let the matter drop, but we are not built that way.
 We feel honored and grateful that we have
 not been overlooked in the "make-up," and
 we are going to tell the committee what ails
 us and why we are not there with our impo- sing dome of thought and august presence.
 The committee thinks we have pass and could attend just as we'll as not, but it is de- ceived, and we feel it a religious duty to dis abuse the minds of it's unsophisticated mem bers. They never lived in western Kansas and struggled with 8 relentless fate and
 want of moisture until there was not enough flesh on their under-fed anatomies to cover their intellects, and their aspirations to be good and great had become ashamed of their surroundings and hid in the swishes and swirls of the sand hills.
 They never knew what it was to feed on expectation and the gorgeousness and beauty of an uuobstructed landscape until they be- came as diaphanous as a granddaddy long legs, and the balmy zephyrs swept through
 their attenuated heartstrings, eliciting music as mellihuous the strains of an 1Holian
 harp. Scarcely. They don't know how ap-
 pallingly indigent we are out here on the
 border, with nothing to shelter us from the
 terrible blizzard of the eastern press but an
 occasional mirage, and with no covering but
 the blue sky, and that worn into holes in
 some places so as toilet the light through,
 not to mention lots of leaks along the milky
 way.
 They never laid down on the buffalo grass and a big invoice of feas and slept the sleep of pioneer with mortgage on his claim and ten per cent. a month octopus lien on his household goods, family heirlooms and ancestral honor, and feasted for months on 8 diet of sand plums and water, and still thanked God for home in this favored land favored with mortgage fends and short loan Shylocks.
 In the absence of such experience they don't know how ecstatically and superbly we gloat over the grandeur and glory of our profession, with what generous and mag nifcent pride we reflect upon our position, and how intensely regretful we are that we cannot mingle with the savants, statesmen, ! ward bummers and theives and help to inau- gurate 8 President of this great United States, b'goshI
 One thing that prevents us from going to ! the inauguration is want of transportation,
 
 purchase it. A man can stand off the local l dealer in groceries, but story about lame | leg or 8 recent robbery in lonely and questered spot on a cloudy and moonless night won't go with 8 railroad or postoffice. We have tried it and speak authoritatively. ! Our pass only reaches to the Missouri line, l and we are not sure of having it next year. | The railroad threatens to take it away from | us because we are not as influential as we l were formerly-just if man could re- { main large and powerful on the promises and I buoyancy of sanguine nature and the pro- l phetic beckonings of rosy, cornfed future! parlor slippers and July socks, and that is | all the footgear we possess, we are sorry to admit at the present time.
 We want MT. Harrison, and his wife too, to understand that we had no unkind feel- | ings toward them, and that we think the crowd that will gather at Washington will be ordinarily respectable, and that we are not absenting ourselves for any reason for ] which they are fn,-any manner responsible. l If we were to attend we should want to take I in the ball, and perchance ehassez around I with the girls in the may dance, Whatever l that is, but we should not look well in a \ linen duster and bare hands, yet, we are l sorry to say, those things constitute large proportion of our wardrobe at the present writing. We trust our absence will not in any man l ner interfere with any of the proceedings. We sincerely hope that Mir. Harrison will not omit his address because we cannot be pres snt to hear it. It is eur desire that the ball should go on just as if we were to be there. Let nothing be omitted from the programme. The committee have our thanks, and also the positive assurance that we will not be there.