Connecticut western news., 1889-10-02
FUN

Disgraced Bertie-''I heah Cholly has been expelled from the club for vulgarity and bad form" Gussie- "Yaas, we had horrible evidence against him v know. Bertie-.'What was it?" Gussie-sOne of his tailor bills receipted. life.
 Eve's lot may have been hard one, but she escaped many of the annoy ances which afflict her daughters. She never, for instance, saw neighbor who was the possessor of a handsomer bonnet than her own.
 | s'Where people are crowded to- gether wickedness must come to the surface," says Inspector Byrnes. That's correct. Let man get jammed in street car coming home from prayer meeting and the first thing he thinks of is to knock some ones head off.
 Got back home-Mr. Blinks Gin dairy resturant, New York City, "I'm most starved for a bowl of milk and some berries with some real cream on lem. Bring me double order." Waiter-':Yes, sah. Been summering on farm, s'pose, sah ?"-New York Weekly.
 Didn't know beans: Little Willie (to his sisters beau)-"You can't guess what Eve got in my pocket, MT. Blinker." Mir. Blinker-"No, I can- not guess. What is it Willie?' Willie "It's beans. Mamma said you didn't know beans, but thought I'd try you. ."-Arcola.
 Boarder Gust arrived)-'I noticed that we didn't have any butter at lunch to-day, MT. Squoggs. I thought you always had such nice butter in the country" MT. Squoggs-s'Yaas, we do, but you see Si Class, who brings it from the city, hasn't got round this week, somehow" ."-Time.
 Judge-ssYou are freeholder." Prospective juryman-"Yes, sir" Judge-"Married or single?" Pros- pective juryman-''Mar three years ago last month." Judge-s'Have you formed or expressed any opinion" Prospective juryman-"Not since l was married, three years ago. ."-Bos- ton Post.
 Mir. Goodcatch Calling on the eldest sister)-"Why, Johnny, how you are growing? You'll be 8 man before your sister, if you keep on." 'sYou bet I will. Sister'll never be man if she keeps on being twenty like she has for the last five years," Then there was trouble in the household.-Law- renee American.
 Tommy-s'Arc we going to take the cat with us when we go to see grandma Lext week?" Mrs. Figg-"Of course not. What makes you ask such fool ish questions?" Tommy-"Cause I heard pa tell MT. Braggs that the mice would have a high old time while the cat was away next week, that's all."- Terre Haute Express.
 Softpate-"Watcher think of the dawg, Miss Sprightly? Fine dawg that" Miss Sprightly-"He is splen- did creature" Softpate-'sI have re- fused cool thousand for him-fact, I assure you. Would it surprise you if told you that dawg knows as much as I do?' Miss Sprightly-s'Not at all."-America.
 Nephew-s'There, aunt, that is the residence of one of our richest citizens. Handsome place isn't it?" Aunt "Yes; but how vain are the efforts of the camel to pass through the needles eye. The house is fine, 'tis true; but who knows but it is built upon sand?" Nephew-s:It is-he's in the sugar business. .''-America.
 A little girl, after being out for some time trying to ensnare the little fishes in neighboring stream with Q crooked pin and thread line, came running into the house, out of breath with excitement, and exclaimed, ssOh, mother, I got it!" ''Got what, my child?" "Why, got the fish," .sBut l do not see any fish," "Why, mother, answered the little angler, her voice suddenly changing to mournfulness," got it, but it unbit and div!'