Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1889-09-13
HOW LIE RUNS THE RANCH,
LARGE PART TAKEN BY THE OFFICE
BOY OF A DAILY PAPER,

Ills Well Developed Nerve Is Calculated
to Carry Him Through Life :. Winner.
Other Positions of Some Importance Yet
They Shrink When Compared with His
Among all the attaches of big newspaper
there is one who imagines himself the head
and front of the concern, the pre-eminent
manager of the office, but for whose untiring
energies and indomitable will the paper would
never find its way to the subscribers front
doorsteps two hours before sunrise, rain or
shine, every day in the week, including Sum
days. This self important individual on whose
shoulders rests SO great a responsibility is no
less parsonage than the office boy, the
much abused, greatly maltreated, and ever
moderated youth who spends many sleepless
nights worrying about the editorial conduct
of the paper.
The office boy is not, properly speaking, a
marvel of probity. He is nearer kin to the
devil. He may think he gets up the paper,
but he doesn't He only assists, and he as
sists in his own peculiar way. He is always
i'll the way when one doesn't want him, and
is never around when there is an urgent case
on hand which requires his immediate atten-
ton He is slower than his brother of the
district messenger service, and chews gum,
keeping time with his jaws to all his move
ments. But he isn't aware, or pretends not
to be, that there is anything in his general
make up which tends to detract in the least
from the many excellent qualities he thinks
he possesses.
Johnny thinks he has hard struggle for
an existence, but Johnny is mistaken. It's
true he has to run back and forth hundred
times in the course Of night between the
local and telegraph rooms and the composing
room. 1t is also true that everybody wants
him at the same time, and on such occasions
he has to bring his fine judgment as news
paper man into play and decide on the spur
of the moment whom to serve first The
copy in the local room must be carried into
the composing room immediately; likewise
a big bundle of news that has Just arrived
by the lightning process over a copper wire
The foreman, too, has some proofs which
must be taken at once to the proof reader.
but Johnny, if he is as bright as the average
office youngster, knows just whom to serve
first. Strange to say, he doesn't attempt to
run all three errands at once He doesn't go
to the nearest place either, but hurries, after
his own fashion, to the room where he would
stand the best chance of getting blowing
up if he didn't answer the call promptly
Ten minutes later he shuffies into the local
room.
"Did you ring?' he asks.
"Rings Why we've been ringing for you
for the last half hour"
mo you haven't, either. I've been sitting
out by the elevator for the last ten minutes
and you haven't rung once during that time :"
swell, here now, take this copy out and
hurry up about it, Tell Mr.. Jones that this
leads the South side murder with display
head"
''Who was murdereds" asks the boy.
''Peter Brown. Hurry up, now"
''Who killed him?'
ooh, Sam Williams killed him in saloon
row on Clark street. Now take that copy out
and hurry up about it for the first edition"
''An right, sir. Did he shoot him or stab
himg"
Twill you take that copy out?" asks the
copy reader, losing his temper.
"Well, amt l taking it outs What are
you givin' uss Do you take me for a streak
of lightning?"
This is more than the copy reader can
stand. He jumps up and makes for the fiery
headed youth, but on these occasions Johnny
displays his latent agility. He invariably
reaches the door first and slams it in the
others face with the parting admonition that
he's 'gettin' too fresh"
Johnny starts out with the copy after this
little episode, and as he couldn't get the in
formation he wanted verbally he stops on
the way to digest the contents of the copy
1t is important that he should know every
thing that goes into the paper, but he hasn't
educated the employees of the local room up
to a recognition of that fact yet. He hopes
to do SO before long. He hopes also to get a
raise of salary soon, for he is tired of s'work-
ing himself to death" for dollar week and
car fare.
Johnny has one sympathizing friend into
whose willing ear he pours all his woes This
is the elevator man. He gives the youngster
all the free rides he wants down to the street
floor and back and thereby incurs his ever
lasting friendship. Johnny swears by the
man who manipulates the wire rope that con-
trolls the movements of the elevator cage and
that individual is the only person whom he
recognizes as his superior. For him he will
do any service He is tho only person about
the office whom Johnny envies his position
and the only one on whom he won't play
tricks.
After Johnny has had one of his frequent
rows with the copy readers in the local or
telegraph room he seeks consolation from his
friend
The office boy is the only person in news
paper office who does just as he pleases. When
the circus comes to town he takes his day off
without asking anybody's permission. On
the Fourth of July he touches off big fire.
cracker under the proofreader's desk and
sticks crooked pin in the night EDITORS chair
to get even with that individual for sending
him out after his midnight lunch. He never
means to do any of these things. They and
a hundred other annoying little tricks that
he is responsible for are accidents, and when
they happen he puts on his most so1rowful
look and seems SO genuinely repentant that
one doesn't have the heart to strike the lad.
These woe begone looks are all on the surface,
however, and as soon as he gets a chance to
slip away he HES himself to an unfrequented
spot and has good laugh all to himself. His
vacations generally come whenever he gets
''sick," which he does on every holiday and
about once week besides.
The office boy, in fact, is probably the
sickliest person living, but the redeeming fea-
ture Of his sickness is that it always comes
over him at the most opportune time for his
own convenience The Office boys position is
not sinecure, after ALL He is everybody's
property and every one takes kick at him
when he chooses. He is eternally kicking up
fuss in some department, but he invariably
pays up for it by running his legs off on I'M
possible assignments about the Office, but if
the fellows ''on the desk" do get the best of
Johnny in the long run he remains in blissful
ignorance of the fact, SO the victory is only
half one after all, ana it is probably better
for the copy readers that this is SO, for if the
boy could read the thoughts of some of them
he would make it so hot for them that in self
defense they would tender their designations
Chicago Times.
No Thirds There.
A story is told of a farmer who rented
some land to colored man for a third of the
crop. When the drought came ON his corn