The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-08-14
FLASHES OF FUN.

A TRAIN of though George Francis.
DIUGGIsrs never lack common
scents.
In is no sign that hen meditates
harm to her owner because she lays for
him.
A BooTLEss attempt-To get up
stairs without being heard by your
wife.
Hy stood not on the burning dock
No flames around him spread
But his case was luTid Just the same,
For the hair OF his girl red
THE mother of the modern girl saws
her daughter is like piece of cheap
calico she won't wash
TAKE back the heart thou gavest
me-" as the man said when he drew
one when he wanted club to fill.
How CAN / get ahead? ?" asked dull
farmer boy of pessimist. "By raising
cabbages, was the consoling reply.
How DID Won like the sermon to-
day?" well, it wa such nod dis
course that 1 slept through the whole
of it,
ExAsPERATED gardener wonder
who tore up my garden in this style?
Gardeners little boy-The old hen did
it, with her little scratch it,"
A YOUNG man who gets the oppor-
tunity to go see his best girl only on
the evening of the first day of the week
is strongly opposed to the prohibition Of
the Sunday press.
MCCoRKLE-It's queer that none of
these railway robbers are women. Mrs.
McCorlle (indignant)-Indeed! And
why? Because they know so well how
to hold up train"
"How Do you like my new necktie?"
asked George of Mabel. "Oh, very
well Don't You think it's becom-
ing?" ayes, George; it is becoming
soiled very rapidly"
The pastors wife-Dr. Talkwell ex-
day. Thoughtless parishioner - In
deed Perhaps / can persuade my hus-
band to come to church.
BosToN heiress-I am afraid it is not
for me, but my money, that YOU come
here so often. Ardent wooer-You are
cruel to say so. How can l get your
money without getting you?
The Young man who stands on the
sidewalk in front of his sweetheart's
residence late at night, singing my
Souls at the Gate" will find her pas
sole at the gate if he doesn't watch
out
Mrs. JEPsoN-What poor-spirited
creature you are. Jehiel. / wish you
would be either man or a mouse. Mr..
Jepson-I wish l was mouse. I'd
make you climb the bedpost in holy
minute
BEEJoNEs Well, wife, Sam, our
prodigal son, is coming home. Shall
We kill the fatted calf? Mrs. B. (re-
flecting)-No. Perhaps il would be less
expensive in the long run to kill the
prodigal.
BUFFALO BILL is greatly angered
because the authorities of Paris insist
ed upon vaccinating all the members
of his Wild West Show Col. Cody
regards the matter as a very scabby
proceeding.
THE advantage of the pedagogue:
Merritt-H you keep on, Johnnie, you
will soon know as much as your teach
or. Little Johnnie-I'd know as much
now if / had the book before me like
she does.
II Is the fellow whose wife obliges
him TO stay at home and do the churn-
ing when he wants to go TO the circus.
who inveighs the most bitterly against
the one-man power. He prefers dog
power on the churn.
TRAVELLER on Mississippi steamer
What makes you have the bar in the
center? Why don't you have it on the
side, out of the way? Bookkeeper-
Well, we would, but you see it won't
do to have too many passengers on one
side of the boat.
MNNlE-What do you think? Mr..
Goodcatchs watch stopped while he
was calling on me last Sunday EVENING"
and he staid until after II. Mamie-N
heard him say yesterday that your face
would stop a clock, but never dreamed
he had any grounds for making such
remark.