Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1889-07-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

The best society i that in which yes
terday's money does not call on to-
day's.-I'ack.
When a rector breaks down from
disease he hunts somebody TO curate.
-WaShington Critic.
The man who is nearly always wrong
does the most growing when he hap
pens TO be right-Puck.
81 W You an apology, old boy"
said Giles. "Never mind the Apology
replied Merritt; 'just let me have the
V.n-LGe.
Russia has more holidays than any
other country, and yet the Russian al
ways objects TO a knouting.-PtttSbur9
Chronicle.
Railroad patron-Why don't you
have o'clock here? Station agent-Got
tired telling people it was right.-New
Fork tribune.
When a young doctor gets his first
case people are always glad for him,
but they are sorry for the patient
SonaerUl{e Joarnat.
a new mixed drink Is called a "busi-
ness brace but its practical tendency
ia more that of a business suspender.
-BaittDtore american.
There's a right side and a wrong
side TO almost every Legislative bin. If
you want to see the right side look on
the wrong side.-Puck.
II docs not seem likely chat the Gar
will be successful in obtaining his pro-
posed loan. He can offer no personal
security TEXAS SijttHgs.
1t IS probably from humane motives
that a railroad will not allow its trains
80 stop along the way more than ten
minutes for refreshments. -Pac6.
Patron-This set of teeth Won made
for me is too big. Dentist-Ycs. sir.
Sit down in the chair and / will en-
aarge your muuth a little. -Ne0 York
Tribune.
Rejoice, o young man, in the days
OF thy youth, but remember that, big
as he is, the whale does not blow much
nntil he reaches the top.-Icrrc H1atc
Express.
The customary question: Lady GUS
tomer-Do you keep linen writing pa
perP Stationer-Ycs, ma'am. Lady
customer-Wil it wash?-B urltagton
Free Press.
Maud-So you are going to marry
your fathers cashier? IsabeIla-Yes.
Pa says that if he runs away with the
Banks funds the money will be IL the
1amiiy.-Jadge.
Tie man who thinks the world is
growing better never heard the OBJ
servations Of two teamsters who came
into collision in a crowded thorough
1are.-Bo8t0B Courier,
The coltish old citizen who yelled in
his sleep, That's a horse on me-
found no trouble in convincing his
wife that he had had the nightmare
Bi3agAanltoR Republican.
''What's the matterP" the school
mistress asked. Backs sore, ma'am."
<'What made il sorePn Pop pound
ed his thumb with the Ratchet this
mornin', and | laughed. "-Epoch.
Old maid-"Onicer, | want YOU to
raid THAT club on the corner" Officer
Same old game. Did they stare at
you?h mo; they pulled down the
blind when | went past."-IeTaS SyI-
sngS.
1t is said that a man in a savage
sFNoAS WV " law III LOOIisi1tits VIC
ARE more inclined to the belief that
any man who has the toothache is in
N savage state.-BtRghGnton Republi-
q
f'Yours is an agricultural country,
isn't it?" asked a man on the limited
OF his new acquaintance from Dakota.
eyes, pardner." what do you raise
mostlyP" Jack pots. "-DrdLe'S Mag
Gzine.
elf you study hard, Tommy" said a
fond fother, '|you may some day be
President" 90" replied Tommy, al
want something better than that. |
want to be a famous shortstop. '-NeW
York Sun.
Blind man Ito tailor)-'I am look
ing for something for a suit" Tailor
Yes, sir. What color would you
prefer" well, l should say blind
mans buff would be as appropriate as
anythihg."-Bostoa Hcrald.
At the play! Leading lady-What
is all that riot out in the audience?
The walking gentIcman-I am not
quite certain whether it's somebody
drunk or merely some member of the
best society 1crre Haate Express.
Our is a practical age. The old
motto, Trust in God aud keep your
powder dry" has been translated by
an Iowa farmer thus: Boys don't
touch these melons, for they are green.
aud God sees you!'-}o2ton ~CoHgrcga-
ftona{iSt.
Yabsley-Let a young woman deck
herself IN fine attire. powder her face,
and 90 out unattended after dark, and
what naturally followsp Wickwire-
at ought to be her father with n good
hickory CAD, but it is more apt to be
some young man.-IerTc HaHte E1-
press.
FGnd mother-O, dear, doctor! |
am so troubled about my baby being
left-handed! What shall | do with
him? Family physician (seriouslD-,
You might make a baseball player Of
him, madam. Loft handed batters
and pitchers are always in demand.
Boston Herald.
Mr.. Jonathan Trump - You are
charming tonight. Miss Penelope
Peachblow-IndeedP What nice things
YOU men say! Mr.. Brown just told
me the same thing. Mr.. Jonathan