St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-05-27
Mr.. AND MRS. BOWsER.
4 Mistaken Theory That Hr. B. Is
Egotistical.
FEW THINGS HE CANN OF DO
Fears That He May Arise at Midnight
and Start Holocaust In the
House.
Detroit Free Press.

OcITOlt Icc IIcbo
Some of my readers may have formed
the opinion that Mr.. Bower is egotistical.
Such is not the case-not par ticularly.
He is simply the average husband. The
average husband knows it all without
being egotistical. And if any one has
formed the idea that Mr.. Bowser is OBJ
stinate wish to disabuse his mind on
that point. Mr.. Bowser never comedies
to me, but that isn't obstinacy. That is
simply the way of all husbands.
The other morning [ asked Mr.. Bow
ser if he wouldn't send up a carpenter
to hang the screen door to the kitchen.
and after few moments thought, he
replied:
Pm in no hurry, this morning, and
I'll hang it myself"
''But it's got to have spring on, you
know"
swell, what of it?'
sCan yOu-yOu-"
elf can't want to be knocked on
the head for an idiot! Tve put on more
door and gate springs than you've got
hairs in your head"
He got the door down from the loft,
and after running up and down and
backwards and forwards for half an
hour his assortment of tools consisted OF
two saws, ansaugur, brace and bit,
plane, a Screw-driver and screws, a
square, compass, inter box and tape
line.
docs it require all those tools to
hang screen door," queried.
ut may and it may not" he replied.
''Can l assist you in any way?'
''Can you assist me! Mrs. Bowser.
you talk as if you didn't regard me as
hol hol Whan 1 vain.
able assistance I'll send you word on
postal card!''
] retired in good order and remained
out of sight twenty minutes. When !
returned he had the door on and seemed
very well satisfied.
"YOu'll have to make slight change
in that, lir. Bowser."
',How?"
you've hung it top to bottom"
II have, eh? I'll bet you $10,O00,0O
to cent haven't"
"Well, look at the knob and the latch
and mouldings Oh the panels"
He was fairly beaten, and he realized
it, but instead of acknowledging the
corn he looked at it for moment and
then quietly said:
II slipped it on that way to see If you
would notice it, but you'd have let it
pass if l hadn't called your attention
to it'll"
In the course of half an hour he made
the change and was putting on the
spring when l came back. He had
never put spring on door in his life,
and it would not have detracted from
his dignity to ask my advice, but he
would have died first. He measured
for it and began to bore hole for the
screw. After he had worked for two
or three minutes / asked:
s'Mr. Bowser, which way are you
turning that gimlet?'
"What do you mean?" he demanded
as he stopped work.
ssYou have been turning to the left"
''Of course l have! Who ever heard
of turning boring tool any other way?"
81 have. You may work all day that
way and not accomplish anything.
That gimlet and all other gimlets turn
to the right"
s.They do, Ell? What smart wife
have! You had better deliver series
of lectures on mechanism"
'Will you turn to the right?"
mo, ma'amr'
He bored and bored, determined not
to give in, and at length pushed him
aside and turned the gimet to the right
and had it into the wood in no time.
"Dldu't tell you so, Mr.. Bowser"
"Well, the man who made that gim-
let deserves state prison! It's the first
one ever saw that turned to the right,
and | had seen millions OF them before
you were born"
s'Can you put the spring on alOne?"
'sMrs. BOWSer," he answered, after
glaring at me in chilled steel way for
half a minute. perhaps ought to be
in the idiot ASYLUM, and perhaps l do
know enough to come in when it rains.
You will Oblige me very much by going
into the house and knocking that
squalling young un on the head"
1t was half an hour before l dared
make an excuse to go out again. BY
that time Mr. BOwser had the spring on,
but the door stood open instead of shut
He was standing in a deep study.
81 know what ails it, MIR. BOwser."
"How shreWdH'
when YOU frightened the spring up
YOU turned it to the right. That throws
the door open. If you'll tighten to the
left the door will spring shut"
He sat down on the steps and looked
at me with twelve different shades OF
irony and sarcasm in his expression,
and finally deigned to reply:
"Where did you learn all you know?'
"Will you fix that spring as tell
you?"
mo, ma'am, l won't; I've been look
ing it over, and know where the trouble
is: it's spring for left-hand door. l
should have seen it at the outset if you
hadn't been bothering around"
Il can make that spring work on this
door,"
.sMrs. Bowser, wouldn't have your
conceit for no money. No wonder you
haven't single friend in this neighbour
hood"
81 have all l want, and 1 can fix that
spring i'll two minutes"
..Never! You simply want an oppOr-
tunity to break it. You'd tear the
whole kitchen down for the sake Of
carrying your point. Go in and maui
that bowling baby some more"
l grabbed the wrench from his hands,
IOOSened the spring, and then turned 1T
the other way, and 10! the door shut
and was held stiff in its place, as was
designed.
"Fhere! Mr.. Bowser!"
'There whatT'
1.-The spring shuts the door,"
81 don't see it."
"But look! Did you ever see door
work nicer?"
''lt doesn't work at ALL"
'But See!'
81 see ruined door, just as l eX-
pected to see, and now l must get an
entire new screen! Mrs. Bowser,
have borne from you until the limit is
about reached. Don't provoke me to
desperation. Husbands rendered deS-
perate by persistent and malicious nag
ging have been known to arise at mid
night and wipe out the whole familyV
A Slight Respite.
Time.
Count Bagitnolles Gust after his re-
iection)-Aha! IA! You refuse one OF