Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-11-21
SPARKS OF WIT.
PUr up or shut up-UmbreIIas.

A CHARGE TO Keep nave, Is tno
song of Granddaughter.
? He: will you be my wife?" She:
mo; but I'll be your cook"
The orator who "waxed" eloquent
was arrested for assault and battery.
The court house is not necessarily a
sad place because SO many plaintiff
stories are heard there.
A SIGN on an Eighth avenue liquor
store reads: Family Liquor Ware
house." Family liquors wear houses all
out.
How IT worked Carper-So you've
been trying the faith cure? Harper
Yes. Carper-Cure you? Harper-Yes
of my faith.
"YoU seem at home here" remarked q
man at the postoffice to the postmaster.
"Yes," replied the latter, "this is my
stamping ground"
SOME men are called sagacious
merely on account of their avarice /;
whereas, child can clench its fist the
moment it is born.
POWER and liberty are like heat and
moisture; where they are well mixed
everything prospers, where they ard
single they are destructive.
THOMPSON (proudly)--Robinson yorl
see that gun? My wife killed beai
with that once. Robinson-Ah, indeed
What was she shooting at?
MARRIAGES are made in heaven.
quoth Miss Antique. "Then there ID
some chance for you yet" was thd
cruel response of her young sister.
MINKs-Were you away last sum-
mer? Winks-Yes, off about month
at a summer resort. "How did you spend
the time ?" Waiting for it to stop rainl
ing"
TEAoHER-The peacock has mand
eyes in its tail. Boy suppose it can
alway find seat, but it must be exl
pensive for eyeglasses if the beast ID
near-sighted.
SERVANT answering belD = Mis-
Bright doesn't care to see any one thiS
afternoon. Wilkins-But she'll see mel
l am sure. Servant-No, she WON'T
she mentioned you in particular.
WEARY WHISPERS (the tramp Don't
get frightened, madam; I am membeI
OF the Anti-Waste Society, an Jest
called ter see if yer didn't want ter hird
a man to eat up what vittles yer have
left over.
A FAoETIoUs man was taking drink
at bar. Observing view of Niagara
ON the wall he asked jokingly. @Is that
real water?" "No," replied the bari
tender, the real water is in the glass
you hold"
TRUTH for once: Giles-Tm glad I LED
that fellow have the small loan. I'D
seemed overwhelmed with gratitude
and said he could never repay mel
Merritt-That was strange. He told
you the truth.
LADY of the house-Now, don't you|
think you could saw little wood fod
me? Tramp (who has Just dined)-I
No, mum; saving that there steak you|
just gave me is all the saving I want
to do for one day.
ON the Eiffel Tower: Mother and
the girls (ecstatically): My, isn't il
high. Pepper Gn gloom that reached
to the base of the tower): Well, what
of it? Have you seen anything ID
Paris this summer that wasn't high?
MRS. BRrNK-Mrs. Klinkl Mrs
lKlinkl Your little boy is in our yard
Istoning our chickens. Mrs. Klink-
Horrors! He'll get his feet wet in YOU
big, ugly, damp grass. I don't see WHY
you can't keep your lawn moved, Mrs,
Brink.
ADA-Were you not afraid during
that thunder and lightning storm
Elsie-No; was with Mike, who was
lately discharged from the Third Ave{
nue. railroad, and you know that the
electric fluid never strikes o non-con1
ductor.
THEN AND NOW.
He was q man of some account
And well among his neighbors stood
For any reasonable amount
His name was good.
BE took to drink, and soon his nose
Assumed a tint as red as blood
And now as far as credit goes,
His name 10 Dennis.
Boston Courier.
STEWARD" he said feebly, in the
small hours of the stormy night, trying
to turn over in his berth. "Stewardl
what's that?" "The sailor on deck
SIR" Eyes, but what did he say
just now?" "All WELL sir" "Myl
what liarl" And then he turned oveI
and moaned NAL de mer moan.
CoNDUoToR-That boy can't be less
than five years old. I shall have I'd
charge you half fare for him. Mr.. Skim
flint (nervously looking at his watch) !
No, you won't. It's now o'clock. That
boy won't be five years old till exactly
7.30, and we expect to get off this train
at exactly 1923. If you charge me any-|
thing for that boy I'll report you.