Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-09-09
PESTS ON THE WING.
Pittsburg is Visited by One of the
Plaques of Ancient Egypt.
PIETY OF WORSHIPERs DISTURBED.
The Stories Which We're Hatched in Swarms
Varied the Stings.
HOW ELECTRICITY ACTED ON FLIES

There are no more locally loyal citizens in
the world than those of Pittsburg, but the
sanguinely boastful of them could not say
last night with any degree of truth: s'There
are no flies on Pittsburg." The plague of
Egypt seemed to have struck Western Penn
syIvania. and the sins of the Egyptians
were visited on the skins of the Pittsburgers.
The flies, about the size of fairly proper
toned immigrant flea, were everywhere.
They invaded the police station, and i'll
manneredIy looked over the docket while
the sergeant was making an entry. They
entered the cells and left with boldness
which deied arrest and laughed as they
buzzed into the off GERS ears that. ''locks do
not prison make, nor iron bars cage"
They invaded the sanctuar y and knocked
the bald-headed mans devotlons out in the
first round, who could listen to 1ngersolPs
arguments with undisturbed orthodoxy for
years. They daringly lighted on the backs
of ladies' necks and tickIed the primmest
spinsters in the congregation under the chin
with impunity. The martyrdom these ladies
suffered was to be pitied. Afraid to attract
attention by slapping or scratching to re-
lieve the tittlatory effects of the impious
though diminutive demons, they sat, and
only by the twitching of their facial
muscles was the misery they were under
going revealed.
NO HELP FOR ANYBODY.
Even the preacher did not escape, and re-
versed the text by swallowing gnats, proba-
bly, in the dearth of camels. If the number
of prayers in all the churches last night at
all equaled that of the flies, and were all di-
rected like the last general prayer meetings
in favor of the Constitutional amendment,
nothing could Withstand such prayer test
and prohibition would be dead certainty.
The arc lights were clothed in their usual
brilliancy and unusual flies. The horizon
tai bars supporting the lights were increased
in thickness an inch or more by the swarms
of flies which sought secure roost, oblivi-
Gus of the present discussion, whatever the
alternating current or some other electric
wave was more likely to sweep them into
the fly eternity. But they were probably
not afraid as there was an eternity of flies to
meet the contingency.
OF course the phenomenal liar was the re-
suit of the other phenomenon and stories
began to fly thick and fast in rivalry to the
other flying pest. There was the man who
arrived from Altoona and said the train had
been kept half hour late at the Walls sta
tion grade by the flies, attracted by the
headlight. greasing the wheels so they
turned on the track. The man who slipped
under every electric light by stepping upon
the piles Of flies, hatched to make an elec-
tric holiday, was suspected OF knowing more
about the locales of speak-easies than most
of the city constables who responded to the
courts.
THE MULES LAID DOWN.
The street car passengers, whose motive
mule power insisted on lying down and
rolling over, thus causing the passengers to
miss church services, were classified with
the East End man who was on the cable car
which stopped at LawrenceVille through
the conduit filling with flies, which creased
the grip until it was useless.
Altogether, to use the classical observa-
tion of the newsboys, Pittsburg had fly
time last night, but where the little wretches
came from or what caused such an abnormal
increase i'll the population not contemplated
in any census reports no one could be found
who could tell. The best informed people
consulted said the wonderful increase and
visitation of the winged pests are due to the
recent warm and muggy weather which
fostered the nuisances by swarms. The
wind during the prevalence of the fly
shower was blowing gently from the south
east,