Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1889-11-22
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On Cranks.

want to say something 10 you
about cranks, Adoniram. Ere-
luently hear you say of some
man o, boy with whom you are
acquainted, "Oh, he's a crank"
He don't wear his hair in the
pomr adour style, uses jockey club
and bergamot little too sparingly,
smokes genuine Havanas with
more than the regulation amount
Of North Carolina lugs under the
wrapper does something else
which you put down in the list OF
objectionable improprieties. Did
it ever occur to you, my son, ttat
half of the difference between you
and him belongs to you? While
you are impeaching his individual
taste he is in all probability get
ting up a strong case against your
judgement and perhaps your
morals, too. While you are posing
as fixed star in the armament OF
fashion, he may be showing where
you lack lustre and need fixing n
little mor,. I have never seen a
man, Atloniram-and l have gazed
at the Congressman, the sheriff
and probably the next postmaster
who could set up his mind as a
universal standard of taste with
out making asylum furniture OF
himself. There are few more
townships and hamlets in this
world than you imagine, my son.
The Prohibition party, the Monroe
doctrine and the next centennial
amt half of it. And the fellow
who goes to have benefit season
in the play of Big Me is dead sure
to get left. The way the Otaheit-
ans, Esquimaux and bad men from
Bitter creek will yell "put him
out" is terror to the deaf. Be-
cause Jim Rustler won't stand in
the highway two hours, talking
about the coming hop at Mr.
Rufiens, and Tom Llckem calls
Pinneo the prince of gram
marians, don't you 60 about desig.
mating them as cranks. If every.
body agreed with everybody, ane
everyEody's wife said everybody'f
wife did not have false teeth anc
freckles, Blackstone and Green
leaf would be dead letters and WI
would have no standing army t
furnish sport for Sitting Bull
Liberality Of opinion smells
: little more like wisdom than any
. thing but the pure stuff does, m.
boy. Come to my views or be for
ever an anarchist and crank
Such an ipse dixit may fit
wobble headed bigot pretty well
but it amt broad enough in tn
back for Adoniram Scaggs.
If every young STRIPPING yo'
know wrote to your charmer al
you do, and set 'em up to he:
brothers, as you do, and though
, a week of separation runs fror
back about the flood somewhere
through lent and dcg-days, dow:
, to the millennium, as you do,
: fancy you would begin to sigh TO
the acquaintance of few preciou
S cranks. A little originality is nc
5 crankyism, and a moderate amour
y of eccentricity is by no means
disgrace. Such individuals as yo
Il would promptly call cranks AM
very small persimmons have rock
9 ed this old moth eaten planet cor
= siderably, Adoniram. Cranks {
= that kind are what pull US up th
grove Of progress. If your fathe
had been a bit more cranky, m
son, he might have been a geniu
In the governors chair, rathe
than a justice of the peace in a la'
u abiding community. No dout
: Noah was sneered at as the worf
o crank in the country in his da.
:. There were smart Alecks like yo
9 in that age, Adoniram. Jonah &C
G whaled pretty severely becaus
g he didn't want to pose before de
. . risive young Solons like you as
. crank. Galileo was perhaps cal
y ed a crank by half Italy in hi
y time, but somehow he managed
leave a long pea-green memor
l. behind him. Bonaparte was al
!, raigned at the bar of public opir
y ion ss crank at each new under
taking, but he foundered an
a a fiourished quite awhile before tn
II accident OF Waterloo. Georg
Washington was an insignificar
y crank at the beginning of th
Revolution perhaps, but he wa
e very much of a hero at Yorktown
; You should be careful, Adoniran
+ You don't know what kind of pie
squash is going to make before
Z oets ripe SCAGGs.