Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1889-03-08
WIT AND UUMOR.

ure.-BOston Courier.
Bristles with wit-The educated pig.
-1erre Haute Express.
A hand to hand affair-courting in
the dark.-Burlington Free Press.
Men who have horse sense know
when to say neigh.-BoSton Courier.
What the social system of England
needs most is a blood puritier.-Puc6.
A criminal may not court death; but
in New York State he sparks it.-Puck.
Possibly the wall flower might be
called the night-blooming serious
Boston Post
A man convinced (by his wife)
against his will is of the same opinion
still-mighty still.--Lye.
Theatre managers say they often
times find Il good deal of talent in the
supe.-Rochester Express.
Bad habits keep people from attend
ing church; in other words, poor
clothes. s.-BoSton Courier.
The complaint against the usurer is
that he takes too much interest in his
business.-Binghanston Republican,
Sir Isaac Newton earned fame bv
seeing an apple fall. Some people
make money by keeping an apple
STANDARDIZATION Courier.
Soarandflop (grandiloquentle) Yes.
it pays to do right. Honesty is the
best policy after all. Frankley-Why
don't YOU have it renewed. Time.
Recent experiments show that a tor
toise walks mile in four hours. He
would just about set the pace for a
pair of lovers strolling by moonlight.
Harrington Free Press.
Rounder-How is it for a pass on
your road? Agent - Can't do it.
Rounder-Don't you pass anything on
this road? Agent-O, yes! We pass
dividends. .-LotceN Citizen.
Edith-You seem to grow younger
every day. hope You don't think
yourself getting old? Hortense-Not
SO long as the gentlemen offer me
their seats in the cars. ". T. Sun.
First bunko steerer-What. in luck
again? Second bunco steerer-Well,
kinder; police were getting onto my
racket, and SO am telling fortunes at
church fares. There's money in it
Time.
Jinkins - by the way. Sharplev,
that Miss Money bags is rather a neat
little craft; a regular clipper. amt
she?" Sharplev-''So is the old man
a clipper. too-a coupon clipper.
Ocean.
What this country wants more than
else is more holidays, more
excuses to lay off from work one day,
often involving the necessity of laying
off the day following TO recuperate.-
Teras Sytings.
St. Peter (sternly)-"What good did
you do in the world?' Miss McFlim-
sy-..l? Why, ST. Peter. what ques-
ton! l am a Christian martyr.
danced myself to death at Il charity
ball. ."-fhiiadelphia Record
St. Peter Cat the celestial gate)-
Don't think you can get in. Ohio
right. Not particular where
l put up. Not afraid of sheol. eh?"
Not much. | was born and raised in
Hamilton couuty."-Judge.
Mr.. Garrulous-Why dopeople think
the sphinx typical of wisdom. George?
George (who is still suffering from the
effects of a curtain lecture)-I guess it
is because the sphinx always keeps its
mouth shut-Hdrper's Ba-ur.
Hardupp-Mr.. Cashley, 1 love you
devotedIy. Won't YOU become my
better half? Mrs. Cashley - ann
afraid, Mr.. Hardupp. that you are not
seeking a better half so much as better
quarters. rs.-Ierre Haute Express.
You have become a regular Micaw-
Der. my young friend" said the minis
ter. What are YOU waiting for now
to turn up?" Waiting" replied the
Young prodigal. for my rich uncle TO
turn up his toes. ."-Ne,o York sun.
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