The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-04-17

A SYMPHONY to n comic song naturally
does symfunny.
SIMPLY perfec. ion-the wife young
man expects to get.
WHEN the pantry doors unlocked the
small boy gets his desserts.
BLOSSOM understand that Borer
has gone South for the rest of the winter.
Popinjay-Yes, and for the rest of the
community too.
LADY TO drunken beggar)-Are you
not ashamed TO beg? ID. B.-Yes,
ma'am, but I'm full; when I'm sober
I'm burglar"
SHE docking up from paper)-Well,
truth is stanger than fiction. He throw
ing paper on ground)-Yes! and
darned sight rarer.
RACING man Injecting sporting pro-
phet-I say, old man, you'd make
tine prize cue for billiard handicap.
Sporting prophet (rather pleased)-
How so? Racing man-Because your
tip never comes off.
IT is mistake to paint sin too allur-
ing and attractive. 1t makes young
people want some. AS matter of fact
sin is ugly and full of misery and pain,
no matter how it may be colored or
sugar-coated. - NeU Orleans Plea
yltne.
HIS Lordship-It was Jolly enough;
but-er-but what a beastly crowd.
The scum of Europe l should say Mrs.
F.-The scum of Europe. They are
the elite of New York! His Lordship
What's the difference if you only go
back little?
CUSTOMER Gin confectionery store)-
Have you any kisses ?Busy dealer-Yes,
sir. Which kind, Baltimore or Bos-
ton? Give me two dozen Boston,"
''Yes, sir. William, two dozen Boston
kisses. Don't forget, William, to close
the refrigerator.
MISS JoNEs-How good of you, Doc
tor, to come to talk with me! Doctor
o, not at all. / have listened to so
much clever talk this evening that it
will be quite relief and rest to listen
to you, Miss Jones, / assure you
Hdrper's Bazar.
BURKE-Tim Deasey's goin' to marry
thot Dutch ger-rl he met comm over.
Dempsey-Is thot so? How tn devil
did he AK her, phin she don't speak his
language? Burke-Sure he jist made
believe lump her over tn head wild a
bit av cudgle, an she understood him
at wanst.
DoCToR-What, drinking beer again,
contrary to my strict orders? Didn't L
tell YOU that every glass was nail in
your coffin ? Il can't give it up, Doctor,
that's fact, and so l have been saying
to myself: What does it matter when
you are dead and gone if your coffin
looks like hedgehog?'"
''YoU had good time in Chicago,
Samantha? 2" Did L? / should say
so! We stopped at the Commercial Ho-
tel, and went down on the cultivator to
every meal" And did you see the
theaters 2" Il ingested that to Absalom,
but he insisted on driving me instead
in a spanking team" Where did you
go?" "Oh! all around the beaure-
CARDS. '-Chicogo Ledger.
II SAY" said Berkey to his wife yes
teyday at dinner, you didn't say any
thing TO any one about what L was tell
ing you the night before last, did you
! That's a secret" "A secret! Why, L
didn't know it was a secret" she replied,
regretfully. well, did you tell it? L
want to know" 'Why, no, L never
thought of it since. / didn't know it
was secret. "-BOStO1 Globe.
HE Is COMING.
| He Is coming. brother journalists q hundred
| thousand strong
! We hear his dithyrambic tread the yernal coast
along,
We hear him spatter countless odes against our
Office door
And well we know we've wrestled with his virus
oft before
| Get out the mammoth BALKAN bag, forewaIn
the garbage man.
Load up the blunderbuss and fill the gallon pow
der can,
For list the large iambic feet of him, the fend
of song.
The vernal poets coming, gents, one hundred
thousand strong.
A misunderstanding woman came into
n lawyers Office and announced to the
disciple of Gambrinus-beg pardon,
Blackstone: Il want to get divorce.
How long will it take?" IF you have
good grounds, 1 can have you fixed up
in about twenty minutes, L guess,
answered the lawyer. What is your
plea?" "Desertion. / sent him down
town this morning" This morn
ing?" Yes. To match some ribbon.
He went away mad, and swore he
wouldn't come back until he matched it,
so / know I'll never see him again. y
Terre Hdute Express.