The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-05-02
puNGENr PARAGRAPHS.

PON6eNT PAHA9H0PnS.
"A young physician w.s showing .
friend a recent purchase that he had
made in the way of q skeleton. very
interesting" commented his friend.
Zone of your patients, doctorp"
What does it profit man to get a
modern society novel for twenty-five
cents. If he has to buy an unabridged
dictionary and an encyclopedia before
be can understand it? 49, Shoe and
Leather Reporter. -,
-Skribler-''Have you read my new
novel, "A Story Without a Hero?'"
Carper-"Yes. Think it misnamed,
however. ANY man who reads it clear
through proves himself q aero."-
Terre Haute Express. =
"A lawyer, entering the off, . of his
family physician, said, in hoarse
whisper: doctor, I've got such a cold
this morning that l can't speak the
truth" I'm glad that it isn't any
thing that will interfere with your
business" responded the doctor in q
tone of sympathy.
-Hobbs-''I understand that Dob
sons wife is a German, and that he
mastered the German language to win
her." Jones-"Well, he must have
expended all his energies on the Ian
guage, then. He has never mastered
er."-Burlington Free Press.
About ninety per cent. of all the
men who start out in business fail be-
fore they get through, and there is a
disheartening suspicion in some quar-
tiers that it is about what forty per
cent. OF them set out to do.-Somer-
vile Journal.
Familiar Fellow (tapping a digni-
fled old gentleman on the shoulder)-
"Ain't my face familiar to you?" Old
Gentleman brushing him off)-'It's
not alone your face that's familiar.
You are altogether the most familiar
man ever saw Texas Siftinss.
-''Pshaw," said lady to her hus-
band, who had been criticising her at
tire. ''what does q man know about
woman's clothes, anyway?' He knows
the price, my DEAR he replied, gently,
and she retired. Washington Critic
-Auctioneer-And this, ladies and
gentlemen, is an elegant oil painting
by one of the grand old masters. 1t is
picture of-(looking at the cata-
logue) - of Andrew jackson, and
doEbly valued on account of its an
tiquity. Qmpressively) Ladies and
gentlemen, this picture is over 200
years old. How much am offered?'
Mrs. Gibson-"How did your hus-
band make his money, Mrs. Bankstock?
l remember when you were living-''
''Living in the hall bedroom of a cheap
clearinghouse, as you are living now,
I presume you mean?'' "Well, you
needn't get touchy. Honest people
don't get rich as fast as some folks
might mention. ''-Chicago Herald.
Men who live by their wits, who
proclaim no definite occupation, but
who are said to speculate" are the
outcasts usually of some profession in
which, had their talents been properly
applied. they might perchance have
won respectable position, or even
fame. They leave the straight and cor
rect path, and with strange ups and
downs try to reach the goal of success
by the insane process of seeking it
through blind and devious ways.
mo girl under twenty" says a
wise woman. ''has any business to
think of MARRIAGE" Bless you, no. We
know that. At that age no girl thinks
of marriage as a ''business." She just
tumbles head over heels in love and
marries the dear fellow just because
she would cry her eyes out without
him. 1t is when she is no longer what
you would exactly call "girl,' when
she is rising thirty-eight and has cut
her last new teeth, full set, that she be-
gins to make business of it.-Buf-
faio Express.