The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-05-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
ernlar CONGRATULATIONS.

Regular "healers''-Physician
A cable road-The bed of the Atlantic.
The "beefy" nobleman-Sir Loin
Steak.
A woman should never wear a ruftle on
her temper.
Always work with good prospects
Missionaries.
Never take cold at their work
Draughtsmen.
Not conspicuously full of cracks
Rented houses.
1t is conceded that a fiddler is up to
his chin in business.
care you through with your lungsl"
asked the cigarette of the youth.
1t may sound somewhat contradictory,
but the first thing in a boot is the last.
"Why is the letter S like sewing
machine" because it makes needles
needless"
ST. Louis boasts of dwarf barber less
than four feet high. lie must be little
shaver.-iStuteamlR
Practical iokers are very improbable
lot. They never buy; their business is
to sell. ll.-Hochejte1 Post.
The greatest weather profit of this sea-
son is the money saved by young men
who didn't 60 sleigh-riding.
Cholly-"I always sleep WELL" Miss
Snyder-"So l should judge. You never
seem more than half awake. ."-Ne,o York
SIN.
Upper-Ten Child-'NTy papa is
abroad. Is yours" LowerTen Child
yep. Mine is at large ag'in. ."--NeU
Yor5 IReeILy.
The setting sun is very warm affair,
but for really hot heat commend us to
the setting hen when she gets wet
Commercial Adoertiser.
Bjone5-"I hear De Carr, gave Miss
Rapidde pound of caramels with his
love" Aerritt-"Yes; he told me she
accepted the caramels. "--Nsio York SIN.
The early bird is quite as apt to catch
the malaria as the worm the moral of
which seems to be that previousness N
a vicious sort of a virtue after ALL
Commercial Adgertiser.
Scientist Gn restaurant)-"Bri me
q decoction of burnt peas, sweetened
with glucose and lightened with chalk
and water Waiter WOO. Ferously)-
NO-CG lul OlC -- tHt-s
First Bohemian tpensively, oSN his.,
logwOod and water all, dear
boy, life is dream" SECOND Bohemian
--"Ycs; and the trouble is we only geta
the nightmare part Of it,"
Mrs. Upperten-"Well, Jane, 1 am
sorry you have dc ided to leave me; but
if you are going to better yourself, of
course" Jane-"It isn't that, ma'am;
am going to get married"
A writer in the World re ommends
that executions by means of electricity
be called thaEatelectrization.n What's
the use of adding unnecessary terrors to
the thing 2-BiHyhamtoA Republican.
If you have a toothache have your
tooth pulled, but do not think it neces
saTy or even right to attempt to cure an
earache by having your car pulled.
What is one mans meat is another's
poison. -- Commercial Advertiser.
Said a great admirer of the preacher
his church had dismissed: THAT was
fine sermon, and well timed, too"
eyes" replied the clergyman, sit was
certainly well timed. About half the
congregation had their watches out most
of the time 1 was talking"
Teacher geography class -"Very
good. Now, children, tomorrow you
must all bring small bottles of sweet oil
with you.n Head Girl-"What are they
for2' 80 lubricato your jaws, my
dear We are to begin on the lakes of
Maine. - PhHaieph q ReoorL.
Of all editorial writer's, Horace
Greeley WAS most noted Tor illegible
copy. On one occasion the 'mOdern
Franklin" penned something about
suburban journalism advancing" but
the typescttcE thinking it one Of his
famous agricultural articles, launched
out wildly with the words "Superb
Jerusalem artighokes. "-kP0eh.