davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

possible, and his thoughts by day and his
dreams by night are haunted by specter
whose name is house cleaning, and whose
sole earthly mission is to make mankind
miserable. This demon of the vernal season
is making his rounds, throwing thousands
or orderly households into confusion, and
bringing cares and troubles innumerable in
his train.
The bachelor, seeing evidence of this bale
full presence in the house where his lodgings
are, chuckles to himself, and, feeling thank
full that he is not as other men are, resolves
to remain bachelor forever. For, though
his apartments are invaded and the contents
of dressing cases and closets arranged with
such nicely and order that it takes the occu-
pant an hour to find a collar button or a
necktie, the intrusion is made in the bach
elor's absence, and only lingering smell o
soapsuds and hitch in the curtain springs
that were wont to work smoothly remain to
attest the fact that the rooms have been
turned topsy-turvey and cleaned"
Happy the man whose possessions are
little, for through his poverty he shall
escape great tribulationsI That is, if he be
single; for if he be husband the smaller his
stock of goods and chattels the greater his
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
THE WRONG MAN Was SHOT,
But the Last Wishes of the Deceased Were
Faithfully Carried Out.

But the Last Wishes of the Deceased Were
Faithfully Carried Out.
Washington Post.1
Brander Matthews tells a good story of
the ethical influence of the East on the wild
and woolly West. A young Bostonian,
reared beneath the brow of Beacon Hill and
educated at Harvard, went to Texas and
turned cowboy. He rapidly caught the
spirit of the country and as rapidly shook
off the outward semblances of tenderfooted
Eastern habit. Rough-bearded, leather
clad, ombrero as wide as the widest, a.
caliber Colts on his hips, he was wild as the
widest. Yet within his bosom still burned
the flame of Boston culture and refinement.
One day he was riding with a stranger
across the prairie. Turning his head sud-
denly Che was slightly ahead) he saw his
companion make a suspicious motion to-
ward his hip pocket. Without hesitation
he drew his revolver and shot him. The
stranger dropped like log. The cowboy
dismounted and looked at the body of his
victim.
81 wonder if he was really going to shoot
me?" he soliloquized. "I'lI see"
Turning the body over, he discovered
flask of whisky protruding from the pocket.
"Poor fellowl'' said he in tone of regret.
'I've made mistake. I've killed an inno-
cent man, and gentleman at that. He
wasn't going to shoot me; he was going to
invite me to have q drink. Well, Il" he
sighed, drawing his sleeve across his mouth,
''the last wishes of the deceased shall be re-
spected."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
AN OFFICE FOR PA, PLEASE.
A Little Girl Tells the President Her Father
Desires Place.

A Little Girl Tells the President Her Father
Desires Place.
Washington Post.l
- The oldest Office seeker who called at the
White House yesterday was a little girl
about IL years old, wearing short dresses
and long yellow hair with bangs that
fell almost to her eyes. She has been
at the White House receptions several
times, but yesterday was the first time
that 1T transpired that she had busi-
ness with the President. Her name is
Elizabeth Morrell and she lives at little
village near Suspension Bridge, N. Y.
She has frequently visited in Washington
and used often to 60 and see Mrs. Cleve-
land, the introduction being through her
French teacher, who not many years ago
taught Miss Frances Folsom the correct
Partisan accent.
1t occurred to Elizabeth that it would be
an excellent thing for her father to be col
lector of the port at Suspension Bridge, and
it seemed to her the most natural thing in
the world for the President to give him the
Office. So yesterday she went up to ask him
for it. She gave her card to Doorkeeper
Loefher, who declined to take the response
bility OF introducing her, and turned her over
to Private Secretary Halford, and to him Miss
Elizabeth told her story. 1t was not much
different from that of the callers in the other
room. Her father had worked hard for
General Harrison in the last campaign, and
in fact had nearly worn himself out in his
efforts for the success of the Republican
party. That is about what they all say. The
young lady's application is stored away in
Private Secretary Halford's memory and
will receive proper attention.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
GIRLS CLUBS In LONDON.
Benevolent Institutions for Young Women
Engaged In Shop Work.

Benevolent Institutions for Young Women
Engaged In Shop Work.
Newcastle Chronicle.1
There are many girls clubs in London,
and more are needed. The members are from
shops, offices, workshops, in the busy center
of London shop life, and many of them
have no place to go after business hours
where they can find innocent sources of
enjoyment, and where they can meet their
friends. One such club for working girls is
shortly to be opened in Fitzroy Square
mainly through the energies of the Rev.
Stopford Brooke. Mr.. Brooke does not
believe that any cheap sort OF place is good
enough for working girls. He believes in
reasonable comfort and refinement; and,
therefore, has taken fine large house in a
good square on the very best site that could
have been chosen.
A large and pleasant room will be pro-
vided, warm and well-lighted, containing a
small library and newspaper and maga-
zine table. There will be appliances for
instruction and needlework, and for games
Dancing will be encouraged, and musical
drill and singing classes will be among
the attractions, and there will also be occa-
sional recitations and entertainments.
Bookkeeping, cooking, washing, and the
cutting out and making up of clothes will
be among the more serious forms of ener-
gy. A lady superintendent will live on the
premises, where she will help the girls "by
sympathy and loving kindness and become
their personal friend"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

fuence man by scolding or angry demon
stration of any kind; in that way she meets
him upon his own ground of aggressive Vlo-
lence and she is beaten. When the shep-
herd lad was about to fight Goliath they Of
fered him ponderous armor and a big sword,
but having tried them on he declined the
loan with thanks, and with o pretty little
sling, very possibly embroidered by his sis
ters, and five dear little white pebbles out
of the brook he killed the monster and when
he was down cut off his head. 1 am afraid
that last performance was a little womanish
as we'll as the first.
Well, then, the woman who scolds, the
woman who argues each point to the bitter
end, the woman who always will have the
last word, the woman who tries in any fash
ion to meet man on his own ground, stands
to lose in the fight, and is a very foolish
woman.
HINTS FOR WIVES.
righteous occasion, outspoken, genuine,
brave, and free from all taunting or mean
ness, Is not effective and useful, but it must
be very rare, very well controlled, and must
clear off when its object is attained, into
genuine sunshine, never dYindling and
muttering off in sulky resentment.
A brave and manly man is at once ap-
palled, shocked and piqued by woman s
anger of the right sort. He feels that it is
something serious to encounter, and he
doesn't want to see it again; be feels that his
offense must have been really very bad to
arouse such a tempest in those ordinarily
sunny skies; he is good deal ashamed of
himself to have wrought such havoc in the
gentle nature ne feels himself bound to shell
ter and protect. But here is peculiar dan
ger of verifying the homely proverb about
familiarity. It is kind of weapon to use
not more than two or three times in the
whole story Of that woman's influence upon
that man, be it the story of lifetime or the
story of year. And what is said Of anger
may be said of tears; once in a great while,
if they are honest and genuine, If the occa-
sion warrants and is properly used, a good
shower of tears may do the work of del
uge, but again, they must have an ending
as we'll as beginning. and they must be
efaced both literally and metaphorically as
soon as possible. No man will stand either
anger or tears for long or for often, and
quickly asserts some of his own worst quail
ties against either if frequently repeated.
No, the woman works like the artist, more
especially the sculptor, by faint, light
touches. by delicate tools, and with an in
stinct of tact that tells her just when to stop,
just how to Offset one touch by another;
with constant "feeling," as the artists say,
for the "values'' of her tints, with a subtle
eye for the effect of each little tap of the
chisel; and when, life over, the man ap-
pears before his Maker, it is woman who
has completed the work of that great Arti-
fcer. Burns says of Dame Nature:
"Her prentice han she tried on man
And then she made the lasses Or
Mrs. FRANK LESLIE.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

Country Woman and Pic demanded it for
canflany. Cesar at the gates
Of Jerusalem in the time of Christ Old
women, without a garment on them but a
cotton chemise carry these fruits and vege-
tables on their heads 10 and u miles every
morning, sell them at the prices named, and
nav tax of 10 or 20 per cent, which goes
into the pocket of the Captain General.
Facing this plaza is theater where good
operas are given regularly, for the people
of Port Rico are famous for their musical
taste and accomplishments Italian opera
companies stop here on their way to and
from Havana, and in the city of 1000 in
habitants find profitable season.
One night. while we were at San Juan. a
bazaar was held at the theater for the bene-
fit Of a local hospital. The paruuet had
been foored over and carpeted for a prom
enade. In each of the boxes which filled
what is usually known as the orchestra
circle" sat a group OF ladies, with glass of
water, and a tray full of what looked like
paper lamp lighters-the little rolls which
our grandmothers used when matches
we're scarce and expensive. On
the stage was large table upon which were
exhibited variety of articles, one or two
IaVher nice bronzes, some decorated plaques
tea sets OF china and silver, sets of plated
spoons, toys, boxes of stationery, fancy
HO5A 5 IN embroidery, and some grotesque
and eomleal looking dolls.
FOR SWEET CHARITY's SAKE.
On the floor, strolling from one box to
anotneTS nlrtlng with the girls, and taking
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
THE AMERICAN CHATTERBOX.
Woman Talks About Girls and Their
Many Shortcomings.


Many Shortcomings.
Bah in New York Word.i
utterly deny the claim of the American
young man, that his American girl is the
very ideal of perfection. His foreign neigh
Dor has the advantage of him, as he can
compare. Well, his foreign neighbor,
after a 16 years. close study of the Ameri-
can girl, believes her to be veritable sham.
and he begs humbly to append few of the
reasons:
Your American girl is not lovable, and
no man ever, believe, loves her sincerely.
She loves no one. She would consider it a
weakness. She has a himsy regard for the
obiect-changeable at days notice-which
is her guiding star in matters OF the heart.
She, however, instantly becomes enamored
of him that hath a purse and the where
withal. She dresseth, not to be beloved
therefor, but to show forth her giddy versa
bility.
She readeth not, thinketh not, and all in
tellectual effort is an abomination unto her.
She hath no music in her soul-she singeth
not-and when she playeth it is the air of
some snub-nosed composer of Germany, such
a jargon.of odiously discordant sounds as
sadden and distress the SOUL She excelleth
as chatterbox, grant ye, rivaling all
creation in shallow nonsense. She is ut
terly Goddess, and it is questionable if she
says prayer between youth and old age.
She is decidedly dangerous article for a
wife, and great is his risk who trusteth her.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
THE GRUMBLING GRANGER.
The Hard Lot of n Man Whose Prosperity
Depends on the Weather.

The Hard Lot of a Man Whose Prosperity
Depends on the Weather.
San Francisco Chronicle.l
The granger can't get out and bear the
weather or bull it. He has got to take ii
just as it comes, and there has never been a
season in the world where it came just to
suit. If the market is going down a mer-
chant may 60 in and help to raise it; if it is
going up he can go in and jump on it and
keep it down. But even when the Signal
Service tells the farmer it is going to be fine
weather, it doesn't do him any good unless
he wants rain, because the weather takes a
perpetual delight in contradicting the
Signal Service. If he does not want rain, it
does not benefit him to know that it is COM
ing tomorrow. He can't stop it. 1 knew
an old Scotchman who resigned his pew in
kirk and would not acknowledge the minis
ter because he prayed for four Sundays for
fine weather, and didn't get it. A friend of
mine has just come up from the South,
where he has been for some weeks. When
he went down first he met farmer friend
of his.
"Well, how are things looking?" he
asked.
"The country's going to the devil, -
said the granger. tits dryin' up an
well be ruined if we don't have some rain. -
When he was coming back during the
rainy spell he met the granger.
"Well, how are things now?"
"1f the rain don't stop, we're going to
have nothing but ruin all over this coun-
try"
The granger always believes in the per-
versity of Providence. He does not trust
that bene6cent power even for day.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

I'm aware that women have many annoy
ances and deal of hard work when they
insist upon doing or directing their own
spring cleaning, but for all that L don't
think it gives them right 10 treat 40 year
old baldheaded husbands as if they were
freckle-faced boys of 10. It's mighty
CALLING to sensitive man, the father of a
promising family, to be told that he's an
idiot. That's what I was called last year
when attempted to beat the carpets and
help Miranda tack them down again. This
year have engaged two stout laboring men
to attend to the carpets and German girl
weighing 200 to help my wife and Jane, the
domestic, clean house. As my presence
there is entirely unnecessary I'm going to
take week off and go trouting up in Som
erset county. Miranda will call me
''mean thing"-I expect that-but that
isn't as bad as being laughed at and in
formed in voice pitched in key two or
three octaves above "middle c." that I
haven't sense enough to drive horse to
water. e. W. BARTLETT.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
MISTAKEN FOR HER MOTHER.
The Fate of n Woman Who Wanted n Bon,
net to Last Forever.


net TO Last Forever.
Boston Gazette.1
A handsome Boston woman, whose man.
ner of dress is more or less criticized as being
''too young" makes out good case for her.
self with an apt little story. 1t is worthy
the attention of women who compute the
age and make an inventory of the costumes
of their sisters who, being neither girls
nor brides, insist upon wearing hats and
bright colors when their advisers
would have them affect black and seal
brown and invisible green. Mrs. Tailor
made had been prevailed upon by a conven-
tional sister and numerous advisers to buy
what one of the dear 500 friends called a
"chaste bonnet" fiat arrangement with
wide strings, which tied in large bow
under her dimpled chin. its color was a
sad brown, and an innocuous ornament of
dull jet was its only garniture.
She declared that that bonnet should last
her lifetime, and carefully preserved it in
bandbox. One rainy day, when she was
obliged to 60 down town, she saw happy
opportunity to make concession to preju-
dice, and preserved the curl in her hat
feathers by wearing the bonnet. She put it
on with demure veil and waterproof
cloak, and stopped at dressmaker to leave
an order for some buttonholes. The next
day cawned bright and clear. She donned
her dark red tailor-made gown, her direc-
toire hat and Hading veil, and calling at
the dressmaker's was greeted with, "Ah,
here is the garment. I hope your mother
Will like the buttonholes."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

Wllle IN J0OSe Is HeSt LIIuCuILS.
only degradation, squaIor and misery. The
people go half naked, to be sure, and the
children entirely SO, but they have bright.
cheerful and more intelligent expression on
their faces, as they pass you with their
'Buenos dias, which is the morning
salutation.
The two chief stowns of Porto Rico are
San Juan and Ponce de Leon, which taken
together form the name of that bold fellow
who hunted so long in Florida for the foun-
tain of perennial youth. 1t was he who ex-
plored this island, and beautiful bronze
statue to him stands in the center of the city
Of San Juan representing the adventurer
standing upon a rock and pointing west
ward. The inscription reads:
FL Exemo Ayuntamiente
San Juan Ponce de Leon.
Conquistader V Primero de
esta ysla.
Companero de Colon en- su secundo Wage
Deser1bador primerO Adelantando de Ia
Florida Y yolas de Bimini.
Nisite Ia Ysla en- l5OS.
Nnlvio Poblarla en- 1909
Termino sa Conquista en- ISL.
herldo en- la Florida en- 1924 Munio de resultas
a POGO de Megar Cuba
TROPICAL MARKET.
Around this statue every morning gather
q multitude of half-naked black women.
selling oranges at so cents bushel, pineap-
pies at medic (six cents) a pair, bananas
a dozen for two centavos, and cocoanuts a
medic a bunch. They have eggs and
chickens, potatoes and all the other vegeta-
bles in the market gardeners list, the
crlspest lettuce, the sweetest onions.
and the most delicious fruits that
were ever grown. But all are COM
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
BACTERIA ON BEAUTYS LIPS.
Doctors Claim That TOnsilitis IL COnfagiouS
and Contracted by kissing.

Doctors Claim That TOnsilitis II COnfagiOuS
and Contracted by kissing.
New York Morning Journal.I
There is at present almost an epidemic Of
tonsilitis in New York City, but it is not
generally known that the disease is con-
tagious one.
The reporter learned from a prominent
physician that the prevalence of this disease
is potent argument against kissing. The
doctor said:
"If young lady with sweet rosebud
mouth and a voice upon which phlegmonis
has fastened itself be kissed, phlegmonis
will be the price paid by the one who shares
with her the dual bliss. There is eontagion
in her sweet breath and microbes of won-
drous form ride to new fields of conquest on
her silver voice and soft whispers. Hosts of
subtle but riotous bacteria sit and wait upon
her coral lips, quick to board the mustached
one that reeklessly approaches.
1T is thus plain that greater precautions
should hedge oscillation about and that no
kissing should be done until both parties
have learned whether orlnot phlegmonis has
clutched the throat of the other"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

Juob IONc1 III uOuSe
Il Hard JOB. cleaning. They may
say they don't, but their actions belle their
words. They talk to each other, and Mrs.
Hankson says to Mrs. dickson:
HOW HOME IS MADE UNHAPPY.
ooh I Just dread to think. of the work
that must be done. don't think our house
was ever so dirty before, and I'm sure 1
don't know how in the world I'm ever 60
ing to get through with it all, and vet L
must; and I'll be so truly glad when it's
over"
Maybe she does dread it before she begins,
but when she gets on her worst dress and
her raggedest apron and gets her sleeves
rolled up to her elbows and her hands par
boiled with soap suds and begins bossine
the ''help" and stopping water over herself
and everything around her, Just let me tell
you she's as happy as she would be if she
were fish and water her natural element.
She'll work herself sick 10 charces to /.
but she glories in doing it. She'd rather
have lame back for month than not have
a had in the annual cleaning. If her hus-
band protests and advises her to make at
tacks on only one room at a time rather
than attempt to disarrange every apartment
simultaneously; If he says there is no
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14

An Oil City Landlords Dream, Causes an
Unusual Disturbance.
OIL City Blizzard.1
A number of guests at one of the city
hotels were awakened from their slumbers
by the landlord who was walking up and
down the hallway giving some imaginary
marauder terrible turning over for dis
turbing his peaceful sleep.
"Get out Of my house." said he, "you
scalawag. I want you to understand that
D., I am running respectable house and my
rules are that all shall keep quiet during
the late hours of the night. Any man who
yells like you did moment ago should be
kicked out of ive-story-window or torn to
pieces by bull dog"
He stormed in the same strain for an
hour or more and finally crept into his
little bed again. The boarders had their
Jun over it to-day. The landlords dream
made him commander of raft, and while
giving orders his voice roared like lions,
which woke him and he was on his feet in
an instant. Imagining that some of the
guests made the unearthly noise he trotted
along the hall and indulged in the lonely
turnover phrases mentioned above. Up to
the hour of going to press he has not kicked
himself out of the house.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
MEN ARE MONSTERS.
Why the Typwriter Girl DIslikes the Aver.
aRe masculine Mortal,

why tne VypWfltef CIlrl Dlsnke8 Lno Aver
age Masculine Mortal.
Indianapolis Journal.l
The dignifed girl was on the street car
the other evening, and her lower lip pouted
out as if she were at odds with things gener-
ally.
"You seem out of Sorts" said her COM
panion stenographer, "what is the matter?"
"Oh," replied the dignifed girl. IT get
sick of men and their ways. They are
messy; they sling paper all over the Office,
and loll about on the desks and chairs in
such undignifed attitudes. They smoke
and chew; we have IA drummers who come
into our Office, and only one of the IA has
ever had the courtesy to ask me if cigar
smoke is offensive to me. Then they are
silly; they talk such nonsense as 16-year-old
girls wouldn't be guilty Of 1t is all about
neckties, new hats, ballets, good dinners
and so on. II you think man is the super
ior animal you just spend some time in a
business Office with assorted sizes of him,
and you will see. am beginning to believe
that trashy dime novel is better society
than the average man, and equally improY-
ing"
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-04-14
WHICH IS THE LUNATIC?
An Exchange of Compliments by Editors OF
of the Arizona Kicker Stripe.


An Exchange of Compliments by Editors OF
of the Arizona Kicker Stripe.
Nebraska State JournaI.1
The decomposed corpse, which, being
illuminated by rush light, imagines that
it is a whole electric light system, and
which continues TO edit the Nebraska
Laborer for reasons still unknown, devotes
the greater part of its space to roast of the
Topics Department this week. 1t is re-
frigerator roast. The corpse in question
goes on to show that the grammar used in
this home department is faulty, proclaim
ing that the expression ''or anybody else's
sunlight is incorrect. 1t should have been
'or anybody's else sunlight"
How beautiful upon the mountain are the
footsteps of the raving maniac who prefers
ironelad rules to eustoml Custom is re-
spensible for most of the things we do and
most of the things we write. Custom en-
dorses anybody else's" where it would
frown upon "anybody's else." Were it not
for the custom that permits men of unbal-
anced mind to roam at large, the Ldborer
would no longer haYe an imbecile for an
editor.