The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1889-09-01
BILL NYE'S EUROPEAN NOTES
The Good Workof" slack the Ripper and
the Shah in Reforming London Town.
Persia's Monarch an Expert Carver-HOspital-
ity That Cannot Be Returned-An Amer
lean MOses-The Dog and the Elixir.
Copyright, 1889. by Edgar W. Nye.,

tCopyrlghI 1852, oy Edgar w. Nye.I
There is one disagreeable feature about
visiting England. It is this: You are all
the time fidgeting about how you can ever
return the hospitality you receive and do
it half as we'll as it is rendered to you.
While enjoying to the utmost the generous
hospitality of London, and wishing that /
could get twenty-six hours into a day, /
could not help thinking how easily the
matter of entertaining was attended to,
while / would have to borrow dishes and
put two more leaves in the dining-table be-
fore / could begin to return the kindness or
repay the debt. The children would have
to eat at the second table and be kept out
of sight during the meal 80 that they would
not announce the menu in advance. One
of the dining chairs would have to be re-
glued and the cigars / smoked would not
do at all.
You 60 into the Savage Club and eat and
talk and smoke a. you would ave gone in
to your mothers pantry when a boy, after
you had been fishing all day. There is no
more fcrmality about it than there used to
be when You tore ont the end of a loaf OF
bread and put jam on it to your hearts con-
tent, sucked your fingers and went to bed.
1t is great. And yet it is where you will
meet men who think thoughts and say
things which they thought of themselves.
1t is so everywhere. / am only worried,
as / say, about the way l will return these
various acts of kindness and courtesy.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh
is weak. It takes so long to
battle the forks and spoons of one course so
that they can give another number on the
programme at our house, and | carve with
so much danger to a Republican form OF
government that / hesitate about going ex-
tensively into the matter of entertaining
in competition with Europe. / carve a good
deal like the Shah. He had a complaint
lodged against one of his soldiers once by a
poor farmer of the Orient who claimed that
the soldier had stolen one of his red-c0red
w~atermelons. VERY WELL" said his Nibs,
II will ascertain if he stole your melon"
So he pulled out his sword, and cutting a
large aperture in the stomach of the Of
fender, ne found the melon n a few of
the black seeds which were easily identi-
lied.
''And how much are you out on the
melon7' asked the naughty monarch, wip-
ing his ready blade on his cOat-tail.
"One franc six" exclaimed the horny
handed oriental buckwheater.
Very WELL" said the Shah. "here it is"
and he took the amount from the pocket of
the expiring soldier. Justice is done.
Allah be praised. Return again to your
toll"
The Shah is a great, coarse, horrid mon
arch with an eve on the opposite sex, and
q droop around the corners of the mouth.
which ought to keep him ont of respectable
society for a good while. He has over two
hundred wives, not counting a shipment re-
Gently made from London. He and Jack
the Ripper together nave made the streets
of London quite safe for an unprotected
man. and yet / blush to say that before 9
o'clock p. NJ, on the Goth day of July, 1880.
l was caught in the strong arms of an
English lady of great descent. and Rugged
considerably right in plain sight of Trafal-
gar square. And yet we hear. it said that
the English are not friendly toward the
Americans. 1t is not so.
A fair young girl p~layfully. undertook to
pat me in a bantering way, the other even
ing. as l trudged gaily home in the opaque
cleaning. She struck a bunch of keys
which / had in my pistol pocket, and
l felt sorrow for her. but at the
same time could not afford to stop and