, 1889-05-26
MARINE NEWS.

~ 0uBBOoluk iOl bnC EahC VI x
ment that one-third of six is three, then
how much is one fourth of twenty2
Ras~ The fly" barkeeper, with his big
diamond, oriental self-rising baking DOW
der ~couutenance and immaculate linen is a
constant source of diversion to the man
about town who is at all flip" himself.
Geo. Miller, who recently vent to Ogden
was a pretty gay youth and at the same
time a man of good education, various ac-
complishments and net a little native
ability. He speaks fiuently three Ian
guages, is somewhat of a writer, a fine de-
batter and a fair musician. George is d
great practical Joker. 1t was he who set
bogus highwaymen on p. Jacob Gauff
when the latter first landed here from
Germany. Jacob was nearly scared to
death. Billy Mountain, who is now in
Leadville is one of the greatest ''joshers''
who ever took toll on the road to hell" 1t
was he who had a lounger play ghost and
staked the selected victim TO a settler
bottle for a weapon. The re-
suit was that the ghost was
SO badly frightened that he ceased tippHrg
for a week. AL. Biddle now in Salt
Lake, was the prince of bartenders here
for a year or so. Once a customer found
some pieces of glass in lemonade. Dun
lap, fearful of offending the man, made
believe that the glass was placed in the
tumbler on purpose and to square himself
actually ate a lumber in sight of the as
founded audience.
as-Billy INITIAL, owner of fine coal
mines at Glenrock has gone to the Paris
exposition. Billy has had his full meas
ure of ups and downs since he sought
fortune in the glorious west. He was
once the wealthiest variety theater owner
in the entire Rocky Mountain region.
Then he vent dip and was on his uppers
till he made a big winning at foot racing,
for Billy has a pair OF legs that would
fool anyone and is a Cornish all around
athlete. Billy Is well known here and no
one begrudges him his good fortune. The
man is a big hearted Westerner and a
dead game sport. He WINS more bull
dogs and fighting cocks than any other
resident of the territory.
BSS~A Fort Russell recruit, weary of
army life, lately conceived the brilliant
plan of hocus- Focusing the officers and Sc
curing a discharge. He ieigned illness
and was sent to the hospital. Here he
became crazy as a sane bed bug in the
throes Of dementia consequent upon the
loss of its bed. The surgeons were duly
ON and commenced doping" him.
He developed an alarming appetite for
particularly nauseating drugs, and next
tasted uncomplainingly for forty-eight
hours. The case was becoming a desper-
ate one for the doctors, and Suggestions
were solicited from some of the wicked
young officers. 1t devolved upon Surgeon
Ives to devise a proper treatment for the
counterfeit ~lunatic. In hearing of the
victim it was proposed to remove his
brain and examine it. The consulting
medicos acquiesced and preparations were
made for the operation. The patient
was laid out on a slab and continued list
less until DR.. Ives advanced with an en-
bryo buck saw. lie leaped to his feet
with a yell, and was soon in his company
quarters protesting hat he was not in
sane and praying for protection from
Ives. The man has been a model soldier
ever since.
NARA Kimball, Neb. gentleman named
Stevens recently offered for sale at the
store OF Mehesey, the furrier, a fine
bison head accompanying the prefer with
a realistic story of the slaughter of the
king of the plains. Mehesy purchased
the rarity and mounted it at once. Fri
day a kimball business man sauntcred in
to the curiosity store and at once
sighted the buffalo head and asked if it
didn't come from his town.. The response
was that a Kimball man had KILLED it
out in the hills. WAS his name Stew
ens2" Yes" Thought it must be
Stevens. He's the champion liar of our
county and only tells the truth except
when he shutters and you can't detect the
impeachment once in six months. That
buffalo was a tame animal with only
three legs and was killed because it was
an internal nuisance about the town."
Ra~A well known east end lady en-
ployed a tramp to rake the meadow in
front OF her residence. When he had
finished she had him chase the cam to
the brewery beside Mirnehaha's ripping
waters. He soon returned with the fluid
and was asked to imbibe. The lady says
she nearly dropped dead when the tourist
quietly responded to the effect that he did
not drink.