The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1889-01-25

-Chaussfer dried man In q kiln
and there resulted only twelve pounds
of solid matter.
An experiment recently made in
Scotland proves that the tortoise can
walk mile in four hours
Telephones are great convenience,
and yet people are all the time talking
against them Yonkers Statesman
"A travelling man remarks that any
fellow who makes love TO a widow Is
literally counting danger.-Mercbanf
7rdUeIer
II wish could sell all write. .
remarked certain author to a lady.
There are those replied his COM
paniou. sweetly. .who say you can't
write all you sell. .'-Life.
Mrs. Barkley, are you familiar
with Songs without Wordss' - 20, res.
quite. Mr. Barkley frequently sings
them when he comes home in the
morning. ."-Terre Haute Express.
"A Brooklyn man intends to start
goat farm, which be thinks will bring
him s10.s0 per day. He viii stock Il
with seventy-fve goats. and as the or
binary goat win give three pfnts of
milk a day. he calculates upon ninety
quarts per day at twelve to fifteen cents
aquart
One of the leading American col
leges has resolved to dispense with .
''class yell'' next year. An institution
of learning that will thus aim a deadly
blow at the higher education of our
youth doesn't deserve the patronage of
the American people. Football may
go next--Aorristosc Herald.
-sYou should have counted on the
expense of married life before you
entered upon it. said. the young hus-
bands friend; .sit was only a question
of common sense and reason that ron
should have exercised :, Common
sense and reason?" echoed the youth
full benedict; a.why. / was in loves
Chicago Globe.
Railroad Superintendent OF
the passenger cars need repairfng?n
Head Examiner-ssYes,s sir; No. 306 Is
in very bad shape: ought TO go to the
shop at once whats the matterssi
Two of the windows are SO loose that
any ordinary man can raise them. sir's
Time.
Two vagrants called on kind lady
in the suburbs of New York. ITO
which OF you two shall I give this
nickel?n she asked First tramp
.'Give it to him, madam. He has pur-
chased the route from me, and am
just taking him around to introducs
him to the customers Tezds Sif7inqs.
Not Used to Travelling. Stranger
(at hotel harl-''Best whisky. please"
Bartender (severely)-s.This is a pro-
hibition town. sir" Stranger-.Ah.
excuse me- (moving away) Bar
tender (excitedlyl -. Great Scott.
stranger, haven't you sense enough to
get k?f'-Drake' Magazine
Editor Society Journal Ito repor-
ter)-..Mr- Jinks. the directors have
ordered me to raise your salary. You
bring IN more society scandal than all
the other reporters put together =
Jinks-s.Thank YOU The advance wiz
be handed over to my wife. It is hers
by right" Editor-..How so?" Jinks
-tsShe is the secretary of the ladies'
anti-gossiP club. .n-Cartoon.
"A gentleman who has recently
AIKEN up French, and who loses no op-
portunity of airing the little knowledge
he has thus far acquired Of that Lam
guage by translating and pronouncing
such words and phrases as his friends
might encounter in his presence, was
thus addressed by an acquaintance.
'.H you only knew as much English a.
you do French, what a success you
would ber'--Tezas Sifffnes.