The Red Cloud chief., 1889-03-15
n COW.
. Smart Young Mss Investigates Hes
Hlnamfablo Traits.

THE DOMESTIC cow
q Smart Young Ms Iavestlgstss he
Unamisbls Traits.
Tho poet has. from time immcmo
rial. eulogized the domestic Gu (Sax
oa), Koe (Dutch). or Cow Modcrl
Enelish). He has done so without
having taken tho trouble to investi
gate those unamiable traits in bel
character which it Is the object o
this article 70 ~criticise. He (the poet,
seems only to have seen her in hel
Sunday clothes, as 1t were. grazing IL
the fragrant meadows or standing a
case in the shadows of tho babbiins
beooklet.
Nv hired man recently attended Z
iremen's picnic, not wisely. but toe
veil; and. after repeated drinks, hi
very im~prudently locked horns with q
larger man on the question Of tariff re-
form. Need ! say more? Only this
That he was assisted home by friends,
suffering from severe indispositiou
and with his features sadly out OF re-
pair; % that, on the following morn
ing, from a sense OF duty, l arose be-
times 10 milk the domestic Gu (Sax.
on), Just as the first pale streaks ol
dawn appeared in the eastern sky.
Girding on some old clothes,
started forth to seek the Koe (Dutch).
She had unlocked the gate Of the
pasture with her horns, and was then
In tho oct OF inspecting the flower
garden. She had evidently been there
for some time, during which she had
not been idle, and her manner was en-.
tirely free from excitement
Approaching with a smile which
has seldom failed to win female re.
gard, I said, in soothing tones: 'Soh,
bossy! sob, bossy!' but, after cycling
me comprchensively for a few mo-
ments, she backed leisurely owe a
valuable rhOdOdendron bush, and
then started through the shrubbcry at
. swinging gait.
It would be painful to recount tho
incidents of that exciting chase. l
got her in the barn at last, and sue
ceeded in Delaying her head to the
manager, after which ] said: ''Stand
over" In a distinct tone of voice. She
knew that I wanted her to To- to the
left 30 that l could get to milk
her; but wilfully appearing to misun-
stand the order, she ''stood over" to
tho right side, %flattening me against
the stall.
Did I swear? No. gentle reader, /
did not Why did / not swear? Be-
cause the weight OF the Gu (Saxon)
prevented respiration. Gathering
myself together as one man. I hurled
her across the stall by a supreme eff
fort and standing the hay-fork where
she could see 1t, prepared to milk.
Any 10 who has watched the opera
tion Of milking a COW will maintain
that 1t Is a very simple thing TO do. I
used to think SO myself, but it is a
great mistake. / am ready to explain
to any one who will listen to me for a
few hours. that it is difficult. very DIFF
fcult 70 milk a Zoe (Dutch). unless
there is q mutual understanding
. friendly feeling between the parties;
which. in my case, there was not
Having seated myself under the star
board quarter. 1 grasped the pail
firmly between my knees. as I had
seen the hireling do. and commenced
to milk No milk came for five
minutes during which time I worked
On In silence. while the Gu jerked
angry mouthfuls of hay out Of the
manager. ever and anon lashing her
tail against my hat, and looking
around with q sarca stic smile; which,
however. I pretended not to notice;
but q last . snowy jet shot straight
into my left eye, and. in q short time.
another impaired an unnatural
warmth to my lap. I had succeeded
In bringing forth the milk; all that re-
manned va to di rect it into the pail.
This vas not to be so easily done rs
you would suppose.
In fifteen minutes I had brought
forth twenty-six squirts. distributed as
follows: Three in the left eye. one in
the right eleven on my trousers. two
on Koe's tail. i've on the barn foor,
and the balance in the kettle.
Just then the hand-maidcn appeared
and asked il ! had finished milking.
She said that the family were waiting
for breakfast. and there was no milk
for tho coffee. told her to wait a few
minutes that I had not quite finished.
Leaning q dimpled arm on an ad-
jscent hay cutter she watched my
efforts with increased amazement, and
aslength said. eagerly: Lord. Misther
Adam, let me milk the COW! Why
didn't 70 Ak me befoarc: Shure | used
70 milk three COW down home befoare
wint out TO sarvicc!"
Recalling the incident of Robert
Bruce and the historic spider. l felt
strongly disposed to hold on and on
Quer the difficulties OF milking il It
took al day; but breakfast would have
to b indefinitely postponed. and the
feelings Of the family entitled to
consideration; therefore I rose up and
allowed Gwendoline Mulcahey to take
the helm. This she did with alacrity.
and. - the milk dew into the tin pail
IN thick. vigorous streams. the recep.
tacle responded with a joyous "whing
Vhong. VIKING whong." that seemed to