The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1889-09-20
NUMBER 81.

appreciate 4l5 81 AAAtd4ltt- II ilOI
facing the executioner, they await
him, knowing he is near; the waiting
also gives the pursuing parent a
chance for his white alley rs ! used
to say when l was a boy. At the end
of, say ten minutes, L descend the
stairway to the tune of an ominous
creaking. and enter with all the f-igid
dignity l can call 10 my assis stance. /
nearly always find the bride in my
armchair away from the rest, with
her eyes fastened on the carpet. The
bridegroom is trying to look as though
he had been marred daily for the
past twenty years, and is fore
ing a strained, jocular conversation
with the witnesses. Everybody
looks relieved when they see me.
at once drop my dignIfied look that
IS, to an exteut-aud remark. with an
air of solemn jolIity: Well, ! think
l can guess TO what 1 am indebted for
the honor OF this visit" The bride
bushes and coyIy focuses her eyes on
another figure in the carpet, the wit
ncsses look at each other and litter,
and bridegroom rises and gulps out:
I-er-that Is to say-this lady-oh,
l meant both of us-together, of
course -want--er-er - get married.
It's out and the poor fellow feels bet
ter. 1 then sternly eye both of them,
as though ! would read their inmost
secrets. Then ease the strain
by affably saying; so that's it.
is it? Well You might do
worse, young people. then assure
them that marriages Chat is, wise
Ones) are made in heaven. This ser IL
ment seems As rule to have the un-
qualified Endorsement of the contract
ing parties. Then turning to the
bridegroom: Now, sir, a word with
you. Let US step into the next room
The bride pouts ut this and asks IL
she can not accompany US. l refuse
and she goes on pouting. l obtain tho
usual details from the young fellow
and we return. Then the ceremony
proper begins. Now, Miss Smith, |
begin, what is your fathers name?'
She always answers Mr.. Smith
Nine out OF ten women consider
initials superfuous. When / ask her
mothers name she generally sheds q
tear. l am at loss to know why, but
it is a fact / always crack little
joke when ] ask her age. How old
are you. Miss Smith? No hesitation.
now. You should have no secrets from
your doctor, lawyer or minister. If
have made that joke once l have-let
me see; twenty-five times fifty-two,
ought and carry five; 125-1, 800 times,
multiplied by four, the average num-
Der per week., 200 times. Well, of
those 5, POO brides / could almost af-
firm that 3, 600 laughed at the joke
Another thing, they nearly all give
their age last birthday, and look an
noyed when ] make it next birthday
in the certificate. When the declara-
ton is at an end l say to the bride:
Now, Miss Smith, please -. 5n CIR Gr,y
maiden name for the last time That
makes her so nervous that in the ma
jority OF cases she spatters the ink all
over the table It's pretty nearly as
bad with the bridegroom; but the
witnesses enjoy it. It's human nat
ure to put our names on rec
ord when it doesn't cost any thing.
Then the ceremony proper and
the fun commences. John, please
tell him to be as quick as he
can If the lady knew that I am as
anxious to return to my study as she
is to start on her bridal trip, she
would not make the injunction. The
awkwardness of bride and bridegroom
is phenomenal. When / say Let the
lady stand ut the gentlemau's left it
usually takes them a minute to deter
mine which is their right and left
hand, and L have literally to push
them to their proper places. When [
have finished and say to the man:
Take your bride he continues to
stupidity gaze ahead with a fixedlv
strained look, holding her hand with
ridiculous energy. l have to break
the spell by gently remarking: That
is all, my young friends. You are
now man and wife
Il then turn to the bride and saw:
Now l suppose, Mrs. Snooks-'
Mrs. SnoOks?' she says. How
funny. Am 1 Mrs. Snooks, John,
dear?'
"'of course you are he tenderly
answers.
"'Well, excuse me, DOCTOR she
sweetly resumes. You were about 10
say something when 1 interrupted
you
The fact of the matter is that 1 had
to say except what I had ac-
complished-calling the girl by her
name, and knowing the inter
ruption would come, l am armed with
some original remark about the
weather. After that they relapse into
bashful silence, and would remain in
my study for two hours because of
bashfulness did l not come to the res
cue with, We'll, Mr.. Snooks, if ] can
ever do any thing for you in the future
in a similar capacity / shall be de-
lighted. Every body appreciates the
joke but the bride. 1t serves its pur-
pose Under her leadership they de-
part and return to my study, wonder
ing why / can not feel either amused
or distressed"
The reverend gentleman was inter-
rupted by the appearance Of a portly
form in the doorway: please, sir, n
couple OF folks is downstairs await
ng to see you. They says if you viii
come down as soon as you can, as they
are in a hurry" The doctor YEARLY
looked up and nodded. There was no
need to ask whether he was amused or
He clearly looked dis
.ressed- Chicago Journal.
"A mother should be able To tnach