Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-11-28
WIT AND HUMOR.


The prison garb is designed to put
check on criminal.-Te1as SittingS.
Mother nature causes a great deal
less trouble than stepmother habit
Peck.
Many who teach the young idea how
to shoot apparently don't know that it's
loaded.-P1tc6.
1t is very difficult to find key to
success that will work without clique.
baltimore american.
Soup la Jay Gould-Take little
stock, six times as much water and then
put in the lamb.-LJe.
A man discovers that gas isn't equal
to coal when he tries it on a coal dealer
to secure credit. Teras Sytiugs.
De Brusshe-'"Y I'm fairly in love
with my work Sinnick- Lucky
lover! You'll never have a rival. y
Judge.
Woman is a lovely creature, and she
knows it, too; but she is always willing
to be told of it once more jS0n1erUilJe
Journal.
Jimmy Papa, what is 'un-
Americana" Mr.. Pryor-''Anything
the foreigners in this country don't
like. "-Puck.
It takes us half our lives to learn
that mankind are fools; and the other
half to be convinced that we are one OF
them.-Pucb.
When a girl falls in love she stops
SAVING her PRAYERS. but after she is
married she begins them again
Atchis0n Globe.
Hooker Crook Ito chum) $50 you've
been getting married during my alb
sence-who was best man?" Hen Peck
(sorrowfully)- Maria. Time.
Wife-(at midnighD-'It is shame
for you to keep me up in this way"
Hubby Pshaw, my dear! You didn't
mind it before we were married. -
Life.
A medical journal tells ''what to do
when stung by hornet" No matter
what he may do, what he says wouldn't
sound well in print.-NorriStO0n
Herald.
Smartte-'Hullo, Sharpe! How's
christian science gittin' along?"
Sharppe-''O, I've give up christian
science an gone back to plain bunko."
PUCK.
Jones" What, Smith a rich man,
you say? Why, he didn't have dollar
a year ago" Brown L know that, Jones:
but he's failed three times since. y
Pht}adelpia Inquirer.
Mrs. Fangle (reading the paper)-
''Sara Bernhardt says her household
expenses at Paris average $500 day"
Mrs. CumsO-'she must keep three
hired girls. IN Y san.
Young Minister there some adj
vice you can giveP" The Rev. Mr.. Will
gus 'M-m-m, femme see. o, yes; es-
pecially avoid praying for rain on a
rising barometer. "-Eeaaver Times.
Smith-sThe City of Paris, I hear,
consumes more coal than any other
ship" Jones That's a mistake
Smith, What ship beats it, then?"
Jones' 'Courtship. M1t1asey's Weekly.
Mrs. Closehall- do you know that
I've induced Mr.. Closehall to give up
cigars?n Dovetail- Really? Why,
I've known him for ten years and |
never saw him give up one yet. >
Judge.
Mrs Pancake (to tramp)-''Well,
what do you want?" Tramp Here,
mum, is der pie I stold off yer window
yesterday There may be two or three
teeth stickin' in it, but otherwise faint
hurt any"-Lye.
Prospective Father-in-Law-''H How
do you expect to get along without a
salary if you are going to get married?"
Young Smiley Basker- ''That is not the
point-how am | to get along if | don't
get maIried?n- Time.
Chief Have you got any clews?"
Subordinate-''No; but I've caught the
criminal. Chief 'Wen, you must 90
out and get few clews. 1t will never
do to break established rules, you
know. "-Terre Haute Express.
Yabsley-''It would be a great snap
if fellow could make himself invisible,
like they used to do in fairy stories"
Wickwire-' We'll, you can come pretty
near it by marrying some famous
woman" -Terre Haut6 Eupress.
Book Agent Going from books to
babies, madam, that's fine youngster.
Allow me to congratulate you. Young
Woman-''Sir, that baby is not mine?"
Book Agent repeat madam, allow
me to congratulate you."-JHdge.
Old Philosopher ''Eh? Engaged
yourself to Miss PrettyP Why, She
wastes half her time over that horrid
little pug dog of hers" Young Phil
osopher- Yes, but l notice the dog
does just as he pleases. ~. 7. Weekly.
ITS always relief to me when it
comes time to pay Bridget" said Mrs.
Housekeep. ''Why?" inquired her
husband. Because that is the only
time when [ feel positive that she
doesn't employ me-" y Washington
Capital.
Mr.. Brown Ito stranger who has
saved him from drowning)-'Mvd dear
good friend, I'll never forget YOU as
long as | liyei Come up to my store
and get some nice, clean dry clothes; I'll
let you have them as cheap as anybody"
Epoch.
Chicago Boy Pop, what are them
big things?" Pop Moving machines.
They are to cut grass with 20!
Whose are they?n Il don't know.
Guess they are to be taken to St. Louis
to get the streets ready for winter. y
n 7. Weekly,
First Anarchist time is nearly
ripe for another uprising, think. Are
you ready to 90 through fire for the
good of the cause?n Second Anarchist
Go through fire? Why I'll even
90 through water if it is necessary. -
IerTe Haute Express.