Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-19
SAVING HARD SINNERS.
BY JOIN STEPHEN.

Two commercial travellers sat in the Of
fee of the Brunswick Hotel. Tom,
said the younger, I have just obtained an
inside position in the firm, and Will leave
the road, imagine, for some time. I have
had enough of hotel and restaurant life and
am determined to try the portal of home.
if not home itself, boarding house. Do
you know of any good placer"
"NO, Jim; I've not been boarding for
years. The best way is to put an adver-
tisement in one Of the Sunday papers, and
you will have plenty OF replies, for Chi
cago is divided into two classes. those who
board and those who keep house"
should like to get nice, quiet place,
where l could have some home comforts, a
little music, chat in the parlor, and that
sort of thing, you know.
~Oh, yes. / know all about it, Mr. James
Barclay. You have got romantic notions
OF boarding houses and expect to find in
them all the comforts of home, but you will
learn that there IS no place like home, and
trying to find q substitute In a boarding
house is like trying to gather figs from
thistles and grapes from thOrns."
Come now, was the CHEEKY rejOinder,
don't try to discourage me. 1 think I
can get through an advertisement just the
place 1 want.
mo doubt you may. It seems to me
there is nothing under the sun that may
not be obtained through the medium Of an
advertisement.
yes, I believe you. And I don't think
there is anything 100 ridiculous on earth
in the way Of an advertisement that Will
not elicit a reply"
r." Then, suppose you illustrate the truth
of your own theory by advertising for
board in some quaint, out of the way man
ner, that viii ward of the average race of
professional bOarding-house keepers, and
bring to your relief one of these matrOnly
80 IL
who only keep bOarders for the sake of
company, and are entirely above mercen-
airy mOtiVes?"
"Since you have been talking have
framed an advertisement, which you, no
doubt, may consider ridiculous, but L bet
you supper at Kinsley's L shall get an
answer to it. Here it is. "
Mr.. James Baclay, taking pencil and
note book from his pocket, wrote the fol-
lowing:
Board Wanted-A young gentleman,
with the best of references, desires board
in a refined family of good social position,
where his edifying conduct will be cOnsid-
cred as sufficient compensation for his
board. Address j. B. q, this office"
Great Cesar!" exclaimed the other, in
genuine establishment, you don't i'm CINE
for moment that even in this big city of
B. Chicago, which contains every shade and
variety Of characters, from the sweetest
y
find anyone so philanthrOpically foolish as
to answer that advertisements"
Eyes, Mr.. Thomas Temple, sage and
sober philosopher and man of the world
that you are, will get genuine answers to
this advertisement. Will you accept the
bet?"
"I should say so! And being something
of an epicure, will cOncOct the most ex-
pensive menu 1 can think of, and will do
the supper given me by the Don Quixote
of advertisers the most ample Justice.
Don't be too sure that the entertain
ment will be at my expense"
Both gentlemen, after lighting their CT
CARS, strOlled to the Office of one of the
great dailies, where the singular adver-
tisement was duly paid for and ordered to
be inserted.
After this operation the friends parted,
the last remark of Mr.. Barclay being:
Nov, my doubling St. Thomas, you viii
see that L get an answer, and 1 shall enjoy
your supper and prove the truth of my
theory"
In a number with four figures on NIichi-
gan avenue sat a mother and daughter in
cosy anterOOm that had every appear
ance, if not of oppressive Opulence, yet
of elegance and refinement.
Il think, my DEAR" said the mother,
that Harry needs more cheerful assO-
ciates than we are; although, poor boy, he
bears we'll up under his affection. But,
ever since that dreadful accident which
confined him to the house, his spirits,
once so buOyant, seem to be depressed.
should like to engage some agreeable
person to come and read to him every day
for an hour or so. 1t would relieve you,
my dear. and give Harry an opportunity
to converse with some one who knows
more of the outside affairs of life, of
which, In our exclusive retirement, we
have baan so lODu IGNORANT "
yes, ma, 1 think Harry would be
much improved by coming in contact
daily with an intelligent person from the
active circles of life. One who could talk
to him of his old business associates and
haunts. could never interest myself on
those subjects, and actually forget the
price of wheat two minutes after being
told the latest market rate of that exceed
ingly huctuating staple. I always thought
staples were more steady characters.
Il hope Harry viii not interest HIM
self too much In that speculative com
modify" replied the mother as a shade
crossed over her face. "He can make all
the money it takes to crafty an ordinary
ambition out of his late fathers business.
But suppose, my dear, you write an adver-
tisement that will secure the person we
want.
Suppose mamma, replied the daugh-
ter, Il look over the newspaper and get an
idea from it, about the way to word it
Here are all kinds of wants; board wanted
and so forth But just hsteni Did yoJ
ever hear such an advertisement as this?
'Boald wanted-A young gentleman
with the best of references, desires board
in a refined, social family of good socia
position, where his edifyiag conduct vii
be considered as sufficient compensation
for his board
Did you ever hear of such assurance
Does this person really expect to find peO
pie to board him for the benefit of hi
-edifying conduct"
1T is rather a singular advertisement,
rsDlied the mother 81 have heard NAM