davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
SUITS AND lIIsFITS.

A Natural QuestioD-High-toned Native
Tin Texas store)-I want night shirt.
Clerk-Yes, sir. Two hip pockets or one?
The Best of Reasons-Balk alkley-What's
the matter. deah boyP Why don't you sit down?
Gaukley-Cawnt, you know. Got on q standing
collah.
From Different NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
The leading feature of ready-made shirt is .
good yoke-ft.
Salesman-No, good profit.
Sniffkins-What do you do when your
tailor gives you an Unlocking suit?
Biffkins-1 give him fits.
All from the CLothfer and FurnfSheT.
The Revised Edition-Quericus-W
good prophet was it who departed in his summer
clothing?
Quickman-Eluah, when he went upin blazer
Advertising His Business-Quigger Gust
arrived at Mount areenaway Hotel)-I'd like 70
know what that man has got that heavy oVereoas
on for such scorching hot day as this.
Twigger-He's the proprietor.
SIGNS OF SUMNER
Upon the smooth and grassy lawn
The giddy youths will soon appear
In (when they're taken out Of pawn
The tennis suits they wore last year.
FLANNEL VS. LINEN.
The summer breezes softly blow,
And fishermen line every channel;
The linen shirt now has no show
Against the one that's made OF flannel.
Where the Wear Would Come-Indian-
apolis TaIIor-Have you any further suggestion.
Indiana Man (thoughtfully)-Yes. You'd bet
ter fortiFy the seats with some extra cloth. ex-
pect to 60 on to Washington in day or two TO See
the President.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
POINTS FOR CIGAR SMOKERS.
How to Carry the Fragrant Havanas
Without Breaking Them.

How to Carry the Fragrant Havanas
Without Breaking Them.
Here is point for smokers 1t is given by a
man who not only smokes cigars very FIRE.
quently, but sells them. He says if you will
carry your cigars in your waistcoat pocket
with the mouth end down there will be less like.
ihood of the tobacco becoming broken or the
wrapper being unrolled than if you carry them
with the match end at the bottom. Here is
second point: If you are a billiard PLAYER.
don't put them in the pocket on the right side
sfor the constant moving Of the arm in the man
ipulation of the cue will wear upon that SIDE
and. if it does not result in crushing the to-
bacoo, will SO loosen the wrapper that the
smoking of the cigar will be an annoyance
rather than pleasure.
And here is a third point: If there Is a slight
feeling of nausea, take adrink of water to clear
the throat, and If you would be sure absolutely
of preventing any serious sickness throw YOUR
cigar away and stop smoking altogether for an
hour or SO. Another point which a gentleman
who heard these three advanced suggested is
that il by any cause it becomes necessary to
let a cigar 60 out it will be a good scheme not
to take final puff, but TO make a blow and
expel the smoke from the burning end This
clears the roll of tobacco from the smoke and
even if the fire dies out It will be found upon
relighting that the cigar is of good flavor. In
fact, an expert has said that q really good
cigar will be improved by letting it 60 out, fol-
lowing this plan and then lighting it again.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

THE Prisoners Aid Society of London
which sent over ten ex-convicts to begin
life anew in this country, will probably find
some other market for its surplus stock of
humanity, after it receives back the con-
signment which was promptly returned
from New York. Our friends in the old
country should understand that this country
is now fully supplied with stock of ex-
convicts and tough citizens. If England
wishes to be reciprocal in this matter let her
send us something elegant. We give the
Europeans Red Dog, Buffalo Bill and Dirty
Shirt, and they should respond with choice
assortment of dukes, earls and princes.
That is the sort of pauper emigration that
we will put up with.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
VERY TOUGH YARN.
A Hawk Swallowed 1t and Was Pulled
Down From rhe Sky.

A Hawk Swallowed 1t and Was Pulled
Down From rhe Sky.
JEFFERsoNvILLE, IND, May 26.--The story
reaches here that at Muddy Fork yesterday
Stanton Jackson and Luke Warman, two young
men of that place were practising with yarn
ball which they were pitching to each other.
They saw huge hawk passing over them, but
paid no attention to the bird, as they are plent-
full in that vicinity. Warman asked Jackson
to pitch him a curve ball. Jackson complied,
and sent the sphere with all his speed. Sud-
denly the hawk spread its wings and made a
tremendous swoop straight for the ball as it
was passing through the air. He caught it
handsomely on the fly and sailed off with 1t.
Some of the yarn had become unwound, and
Warman, snatch1ng at floating end, caught it
as the hawk few off. But the hawk would not
let go and swallowed the ball. AS he few
higher the yarn unwound rapidly, with War
man still clinging to the end.
When the boys made the ball they had tied
one end of the yarn to a large button, and
wound it around the button. When all the
yarn unwound this button stuck fast in the
hawks craw, and both boys, pulling on the
string, brought the hawk fluttering to the
ground. They cut the yarn off in his mouth,
and he is now alive in cage on the Warnan
place. The button seems never 20 trouble
him
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
O'BRIEN-BAIN GOSSIP.
The Page and the Princess-A Cheerful In
vitation to Gloomy Event. Troubles
With OtIlce- seekers-CiviIs Service PEN

Win Omce-beekefa-Clvll service Pens
sioners.
CORRESPONDENCE OF THE DIsPATcH.I
WASHINGTON. May GA curious case is
that of Jacob l. Doty Consul to the Tahiti So
ciety Islands, who is said to be engaged to
marry the Princess Polona. Doty is well re-
membered here as page in the Senate some
years ago. He was originally a page in the
House, but was afterward transferred to the
Senate when lS years of age. He attracted no
particular attention there, except as he seemed
especially popular with Senator Bayard and
Senator Hampton. Doty's father was said to
have some claims against the Tahitian Govern
ment. For this reason Doty was anxious to go
to those islands, and he spoke to Secretary
Bayard, then Senator at the time he was
page, and asked him to use his influence at any
time he could to obtain for him an appoint
ment as Consul Bayard is said to have made
the promise, and that promise he fulfilled
when, nearly eight years afterward, Doty be-
came of age and eligible to consulship. Doty
remained page in the Senate until he was
nearly l6 years of age, this being the maximum
age limit of page boys He then resigned in
favor of his younger brother, who was ap-
pointed to the place and held it for some time,
He left it finally to become the private seere-
tary OF Congressman S, V. White, of New
York, with whom he now is. As he Is remem-
bered here, there was nothing particularly at
,tractlve about Consul Doty certainly nothing
that would charm princess. heir to untold
millions, who had refused the Earl OF Dudley
and dozen other peers. Doty's family live in
Brooklyn.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
He Remembered the Salary.

Secretary Noble meets with his full share of
peculiar experiences in dealing with office
seekers During one of his fews spare hours not
long ago he was relating some of these to a
group Of newspaper correspondents who sat
about his Office. The case which seemed to ap-
peal to him as particularly humorous was that
of a man whdp was an applicant for office who
had succeeded in obtaining personal inter
view with the Secretary some time after he had
placed his papers on file. He wanted to know
irhis application had been acted upon. The
Secretary asked him for what office he was an
applicant. He replied that it was IAN agent of
some kind" He could not identify the office
any better than that.
I'VE have several kinds of agents in the De-
partment" said the Secretary; timber agents,
special land agents and SO forth. Have you no
idea which one of these it is ??
The man had not. What was the salary at
tached to the position ~ asked the Secretary.
s'Thirteen hundred dollars year." said the
man eagerly. He had not forgotten the salary
for which he was an applicant. although he
could not remember the office. The Secretary
was easily able to identify the position he was
seeking through the salary named, which was
the amount paid to timber agents.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
The profound intellect which is brought

The profound intellect which is brought
to bear on the detection of crime in Chicago
is illustrated by the remark of one of the
detectives in the Cronin case: From all
we now know of the case, it is safe to say
that it was either political assassination or
the result OF some private cause" This
process of slow and sagacious reasoning will
eventually lead the Chicago detectives to
the inference that Cronin either was mur-
dered by political conspiracy or by some
one else. Pittsburg Is wholly superior to
such weakness. Its detective force was
never accused, in the detection of crime, of
employing that class of intellect or any
other kind.s
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
TEN DOLLARS FOR A LEAD WATCH.
But the Price Was Paid by a Man Who
Won't Miss the Money.

But the Price Was Paid by a Man Who
Won't Miss the Money.
MERIDEN, CONN, May 26.-Horace G. Will
cox, President of the Meriden Britannia Com
pany, is one of the richest men in Connecticut
Like the late Jim Fisk, he began life as tin
peddler. The other day Mr.. Wilcox tried to
perpetrate a little joke on Nathan Fem, a
Yankee matchmaker of the old-fashioned sort.
Calling in at Matchmaker Fenn's shop, Mr..
Wilcox pulled out brass-plated lead paper
weight cast in imitation of watch.
"fhere, Citizen Fenn," said he as he laid it
on the counter, sis watch think good deal
of. If you will make it run I'll give you $10."
And with that left the shop, chuckling glee-
fully.
The matchmaker was not to be easily
stumped He Immediately set to work, hol-
lowed out the lump of lead, inserted a set of
old works. attached pair of leather hinges to
the case, made crystal of a dark lantern lens.
and attached to the whole business chain, the
links of which were ingeniously constructed of
peach stones. Thus armed he broke into the
office of the Britannia factory the next morn
ing and laid the wonderful watch on Mr.. VIII
cox's desk. The latter didn't say word, but
drew his check for $40 while the score of
clerks, led by Robert NJ Wilcox, husband of
the poetess of passion, who happened to be
present. giggled outright. =
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
He Forgot His Constituents Name.

At another time a well-known Congressman
entered the office of the Secretary, who was at
that time busy with quite number of appli-
cants for office, heads of departments and
others He asked for a special interview,
which was Immediately granted to him, as he
appeared to have important business to discuss.
He asked the Secretary if any action had been
taken on the application of constituent of his
whose papers he had placed on file not long be-
fore.
What is the man an applicant for?" said the
Secretary.
81 don't know" said the Congressman.
what is his name?" asked the Secretary.
"Well, do you know" said the Congressman,
81 cannot even remember that. know that
filed his papers here some time ago and that
was rather anxious to have him get the ap-
pointment. He has been bothering me great
deal for some time"
''Wel, don't you know any better" said the
Secretary, than to believe that 1 could keep
in my head the names of all the applicants for
Office who come to this department when even
their own Congressman cannot remember
them or the offices they are seeking?'
The Congressman went away to examine his
correspondence and to find out what the
name of his constituent was and what Office he
was seeking.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
long ago.

CONCERNING that Lima oil field Stand
ard bulldog story, the Oil City Derrick re-
marks: "The story itself was no more abb
surd, however, than others which have been
printed from that odorous district and not
retracted." We presume our esteemed CO.
temporary refers to the oft-repeated asser-
tions of the Standard organs, from Lima
and elsewhere, thAt the Standard would
never, no never, refine the Lima oil.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
Administrative Whiskers.

In the reception room at the State Depart
ment hang pictures in crayon of the different
Secretaries of State from the beginning of the
Government to the present day, Looking at
them the other dayI was struck with curious
feature. OF the entire list Mr.. Blaine is the
only man who wears mustache or beard. Mr.,
Calhoun and Mr.. Frelinghuysen wore deep
fringe of hair about their throats, but nothing
on their chins or upper lips. Hamilton Fish
and Martin Van Buren wore side whiskers, but
no boards. 1t was only few years ago that
the beard began to be regarded as at all toler-
able. Our forefathers wore clean faces and
many of them regarded hairy cheek as an
evidence of savagery. The first President to
wear beard was Abraham Lincoln No Presi-
dent before his time wore either beard or mus
tache, and most of them were smooth of face.
After Lincoln, Grant at times wore a full
beard. Hayes and Garfield wore full boards
and the present Chief Executive has hair all
over his face. Mr. Harrison's grandfather
shaved his face clean every morning.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
light upon the aesthetic qualities of boiler
making.

The assistant clergyman of st. Paul's
Church who shot himself yesterday MORN
ing was once clergyman of McKeesport.
The insanity, which furnishes the only ex-
plsnation of his act, may be taken as a
warning against removing from the vicinity
of Pittsburg to New York.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
HENS WILL PLEASE READ,
COnnecticut's Law Against TrespassinE and
Predatory Chickens.

NORWICH. May 26-No statutory enactment
was ever hailed with greater satisfaction than
the prize law of the Connecticut Legislature,
which forbids hens to trespass on other peo-
ple's gardens, the penalty for violating it being
a fine of 81, with costs, to be inflicted on the
owner of the trespassing hens. The effect of
the law has been magical; hens no longer
rule in this State. One may ride for many
miles in the country and not hen will he see.
Every fowl is sequestered behind picket fences
whose pales are Is feet high. The result is that
peace prevails everywhere in the rural districts
the cause of most petty chickering's between
neighbors having been abated, and it is the
opinion of many country people that righteous
ness and peace will kiss each other presently
Some farmers, however, cannot believe that
the gallinaceous millennium has really cone to
pass, so they have taken the pains to hang mo
trespassing" signs on their premises to ward
off danger that wise and great legislation has
already averted. Notable among the husband
men who have done so is Mr.. Cephas Williams.
of Voluntown, on the eastern border of this
State, who had long been troubled with the
hens of neighbors. A few days ago he had
painted an elaborate sign. and he erected it in
his garden, so that everyone who passes his
house may read in large letters:
NOTICE.
We hereby forbid any hens or chickens tres
passing or scratching on these premises after
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
Lucky RIrthdaxs.

To the Editor Of The Dispatch:
Is man who was horn on Wednesday
luckier than one born on Sunday? JB.
P1TTsBURG, May %.
[According to an old superstition;
Sundays child is full Of grace,
Mondays child is full in the face,
Tuesdays child is solemn and sad,
Wednesdays child Is merry and glad,
Thursdays child is inclined to thieving,
Fridays child is free in giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living.l
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

ONE of the results of the Cronin mystery
ought to be that the liar who telegraphed
from Canada a circumstantial account of
interviews with the dead man should be
strictly marked down as a person whom the
press will never again allow to palm off
bogus news upon it.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

IT seems to be about settled that the
amount of gold exported to Europe this
year, in order to settle the adverse balance
of trade. will be balanced by the expendi-
lures of our wealthier citizens who make a
practice of going abroad for their pleasures.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
A Cheerful Invite.

An execution was held in this city recently.
The murderer was hanged upon the scaffold on
which Guiteau met his death. My attention
was attracted to the affair particularly by the
wording Of one of the tickets which was shown
to me. It read as follows: "Mr. John Jones, of
Baltimore. Dear Sir; Y ou are respectfully in
Vited to witness the execution of Nelson Col
bert, etc." The cheerful, social character Of
this invitation is refreshing 1t was suggested
be improved by making it read about as fol-
lows: Dear Sir: The presence of yourself and
ladies is requested at the execution of Nelson
Colbert No full dress'i
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
PRAYING FOR PROHIBITION.

W. C. r. U. Women to Spend Election Day
Mt Church Instead of at the Polls.
PHILADELPHIA, May 26.-The. members of
the Women's Christian Temperance Union in
Philadelphia have decided not to visit the polls
on June Is. when the vote will be taken on the
prohibition amendment. They will hold prayer
meetings in churches in various parts of the
city all through the day, and hope to accom-
rnfo
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
MY soLp1ER-LoYER's GRAVE.

My love lies sleeping far away,
Beside flowing river,
Whose gurgling waters gently play
A requiem forever.
At eventide the mountain bird
Salutes thee with his singing;
At early dawn his notes are heard,
In tender cheer upspringing.
Rest on, dear love, in peaceful sleep
While song-bird and while river
DO music make and vigil keep,
Near thy lone grave forever.
MARY FRANCES MARINER.
ELMIRA, N. Y, May rs.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
ADoe,s Life INSURED for s.. .ooo.

SARATOGA, May 26-An attraction at the
depot here to-day was st. Bernard dog which
weighed 260 pounds and carried life insurance
of $1,000 Its owner Mrs. A. G. Gordon. trav-
eled all the way from San Francisco in the bao.
gage car in order to take proper care of l1er
pet who wears leather collar and black
ribbon. They were on their way to Lake
GaorCa
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

From the Globe-Democrat.l
Minister Reid has rented a house in Paris for
which he is to pay 900 year. or $500 more
than the amount of his salary. It is quite evil
dent that he is NOT an Office holder for revenue,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
/. A Pointer for NumIsmu,i,t,.

TFOM tht DeILUII Z Et6 TIeb5.I
The first 400 greenbacks issued cannot be
found by relic hunters, although offers of $50
apiece have been made for them. Some re-
porter has probably tucked them away in his
hind pocket and forgotten the circumstances.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
PresidentaI succeaainn.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
Please state what office holder would I'LL the
Presidents place if he should dye, and oblige
READER.
,GALLITzIN, May o.
1T would hardly be necessary to fill the Pres
ident's place unless he should do something
more serious than to 'dye"-he could not be
impeached for that. If he should die, how
ever Vice President Morton would be his sue.
cessor.]
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

If the adoption of the tank furnaces for
window glass making is going to result in
this country making all its window glass,
it might have been wise to have adopted it
| lnnp apn -
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
Z A Service Worth Rewardiua.

From the Chlcago IImes.I
Dan Lamont is ambitious to become a men,
ber of the next Democratic Cabinet. If Dan
will name the man who will have 1t in his power
to satisfy this ambition he will confer a favor
on the Democratic party which will entitle him
to anything he may desire.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

The investigation of the work of the
past Superintendent of the new postofice
building may cast few side glances into
the record of work done by the new Super
intendent since he took hold of the job.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

IND1oATIoNs are multiplying that the
tan-colored shoe and tan-colored hose will
be run into as well as on the ground this
summer,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
Herkimer. n. Y.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
., What is the Postofice adress of Hon. War.
sner Miller? L
WOOSTER, May 25.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

Winning the Applause of Mugwumps.
From the Boston Herald.J
Let President Harrison stand his ground.
The people don't care rap for the shr1eks of
a horde Of hungry office seekers.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
A BLIND CALF SAVES A BANK.
He stumbIes Against the Building, Fright.
ening Burglars Away.

en1ng burGInrB Away.
Hot SPRINGS, OAK. May 26-Burglars en-
tered Minnekahta Bank at this place last night
and attempted to blow open the SAFE A hole
was drilled in it and this was charged with
powder, but just then queer thing happened
that frightened the burglars away. A yearling
calf was taken with blind staggers and in its
ing squarely against the door OF the bank.
The burglars left their tools and made their
escape. The calf was found dead this morn
in
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
PitfahnrE.

To the Editor of The Dispatch:
What recruiting station for the United States
army is nearest to Tyrone? NJ.
TYRONE, May 25.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

AFTER a week OF Wagner. the Point can
return to its everyday occupation with new
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27

PENNSYLVANIA Republicans can now
settle back in calm content over the great
political fact that Gilkeson is provided for.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-27
NOTICE.

We hereby forbid any hens or chickens tire
passing or scratching on these premises aft
this date on penalty Of the law.