The great West., 1889-12-20
Mr.. AND MRS. BowsER.

In Which, His Mannish Ways in Regard to
New Garments Are Set Forth.
Mr.. Bowser has been that way ever since
we were married, and suppose he will keep
it up to the end-just like all other husbands.
When he brings home half dozen collars
know that a circus is about to begin and
prepare accordingly. After supper he goes
upstairs to try them on, and take seat On
the lower step, knowing full we'll the part I
am to play. For a couple Of minutes all is
quiet. Then l hear the mutter of distant
thunder, followed by an exclamation Of:
"By the great horn spoon, but if had that
man here I'd murder himl"
About sixty seconds later his head appears
over the banister and he shouts:
MRS Bowser, come up hereI"
"What's wantedr
"Come up heres Look at those collars. will
youg"
"What's the matterp'
''Matterl That internal shirt maker ought
to be scalpedl told him No. Is, and he has
made them all No. 20l'
''NonsenseI Here's the stamp on them,
and they are all right. Try one on"
He buttons one on and they fit splendidly.
Indeed, he never had such fit. He looks in
the glass, however, grows red in the face, and
shouts:
''Look at it'll I'll kill that man before noon
tomorrow He has done it to spite mel'
"Mr. Bowser, that collar is oil right. You
never had one that set'-
"Right! Right! Look at it hunch up in the
back! See how it sets in frontl Observe how
it is saving away at my earsl You want me
to look like baboon, don't you? I'll walk in
on that shirt maker after breakfast to-mor-
row morning, ard if don't slam the buttons
off'n him then I'm liarl"
NBut / can't see anything wrong with
them"
mo, Of course notl If they made me look
like baked owl you couldn't see anything
out of the wayl Mrs. Bowser, I've got y
have long talk with you. There are some
things which must be settledl"
And next morning he puts on one Of the
collars without word and there is never any
further fault finding. They were fit and all
right, but he wouldn't be an average husband
if he didn't growl and kick. 1t is when his
new shirts come up that the whole menagerie
is put on exhibition free gratis They invari-
ably come up of Saturday night, and he
wants to put one on for Sunday wear. I
know what is coming, and take baby over
to mothers and give the cook liberty to go out
for the day. lam hardly ready for him when
the magazine explodes.
MRS. Bowserl' he shouts over the banis-
ter.
"Well"
"Did Lynch bring home my shotgun last
nightp'
"What do you want of a shotgun!'
'To kill the Internal idiot who made these
shirts! I'll have his life before the sun sets
tonight I'll murder him right before his
wife and childrenl"
"Why, Mr.. Bowserl What's the matter
with the shirts2"
'Matterl' he yells as he jumps up and
down, holding one of the lot at arms length,
''everything's the matterl My band is fifteen
inches scant, and he has made these 4, 900 rods
longl Look at that bosoml Look at that
yokel I'll follow that man to the end of the
earth but what I'll have his bloodl"
"Why, they look all right to me. The band
is stiff with starch, you know"
''rll stiffen that idiot with something be-
sides starchl People impose on me because l
never kick, but the worm has turned at last.
suppose I'll be sent to state prison for life,
but that shan't stand in the way of my re-
venge."
Put on another and I'll come up and see
what the trouble is"
Ten minutes later he calls and 20 up to
find him red in the face and breathing hard.
button the shirt in the back. pull it down
and it fits him like a glove, but all of sud-
den he gives a jump, waves his hand after
the manner of Booth and exclaims:
"Yesl I'll hunt him down and crush the
life out Of him."
"Mr Bowser, there's nothing wrong with
this shirt. You never had one to fit you
better"
Nothing wrongl Why, it feels as if had
put on an old coffee sack. Look at the way
it punches up in the neck See how it binds
on the shoulders. l wouldn't be found dead
with this shirt on"
"Well, as I said before, I can't see anything
wrong with it."
''Oh, you can'tl Anything is good enough
for me, suppose. If some fool sent me up
sheet iron shirt you'd think it was all right.
You can 20 downstairs.
"But aren't we going to churchT'
Church. Don't say church to me! I'm
going out and commit murder"
About dinner time he feels easier, and after
supper his indignation has all passed away.
Next morning he puts on one of his shirts,
and it isn't week before he is Dragging of
the perfect fit.-Detroit Free Press.