, 1889-08-29
BILL NYE.
How He Waited for the Queen
at the Royal We'd
ding.
He Presents the Bride With q
Homemade American
Butter Dish.

snell remain Nceh dt tillS TOWN., per-
haps. could not attend the Batten.
berg wedding on account of illness
among my stock, but said to myself
then that If | ever happened to be near
London again when there was royal
wedding would not crawl out OF it on
those grounds.
/ took club train from Paris at 4:40
In the evening and came via Calais and
Dover to London. Tho ride was devoid
of incident. The Channel has my com
pliments, such as they are. Everybody
pays his compliments to the Channel.
1t is lovely sheet of water. looked
ut 1t quite II while with great, big sol.
emn, soul.lit eyes and heaving chest. 1t
Is not wide channel, but it Is very
busy one.
went ut once to the Victoria. have
been asked to say good word for the
| hotel and now hasten to do so IL II
very large and makes 45 per cent per
anrium on its capital. | slept and picked
my teeth there but ate elsewhere. al.
ways like to eat elsewhere, and so | did.
Tho hotel did not like Ii. | said | was
sorry, but could not seem to help it.
was willing to pay for tho attendance
which did not get, also tho wine, ale,
beer, malt liquors, policemen, prayers,
writing paper, lights, fuel, feed, baled
hay, perlumery, stilton cheese, tar roof
ing, medical attendance, common lumber,
cafe noir, lime cement and use of 1t, but
Just would kind of like to eat where
choose, so long as ! was there ON the
European plan.
III happened to he several miles away
sitting for n wax figure of myself to bc
used 10y Nine. Toussaud and Mrs. Jar
ley, / would not jump the moment the
whistle blew and scoot for the Victoria
hotel in order 10 run up q still bigger bill
for use OF mustard spoon, laundry of
napkin, use of toothpiCk, wear and tear
ofdining.room floor, etc.
So the Victoria reproved me and the
manager looked askanCe at me. When
came in late, looking wcll-fed and
with Il sparkle of mcrriment in nay
beautiful rich brown eyes, he looked at
me rcproachiully and butted his head
against the wall two times IN rapid sue
Ccssion. The Victoria or "Nic" as the
irrevercnt call it, Is run by American
patronage, aud yet the only murmuI
that arises from the entire American
contingent is not pleasant TO the man
segment The hotel, need hardly add,
has been recently rchtted and reftir-
nishcd throughout, has q new rubber
door.mut with holes punCtured through
it and a row of ilunkic, who adorn the
hall and welcome the arriving and speed
the departing guest ot u shilling per vel
come and one and six per speed.
THE DAY OF THE ROYAL WEDDING
dawncd rather wet and chccrless. The
sun came out tho day before, long
enough for ne To see that our Trousers
were all properly rolled up at the bot
tom and then it went back again. The
chimes of bells, at shilling 6 per
chime, broke through the moist air, |
took my bright neWGorham butter dish,
wrapped IL IN a newspaper, and started
ior tile wedding.
was all dressed up and was the Gym
osure of all eyes. Many people turned
to look al my bright, cXpectunt face and
elastic step. London was all agog.
Some of 1t was all agrog. drove hastily y
up TO where the service was to he
held and alighted from my hanson,
fearing might Keep people waiting
found 81, eco people there, also with eX-
pcctant faces. asked bobby ii the
folks had come. lie looked straight
ahead of him at mark. | shook hands
with him ut one ana six aud then lac be.
came more soCinble. lie said they had
not come. knew then that had
SEVERAL HOURS TO WAIT
and so, in the language of Amos J.
w dlNti W Ao AilNluNH' W f-tN az II ds
soon as possible. BY and by the Life
Guards came along 0Gl everybody pulled
out an extra joint in his neck to see
them Then n rcd flannel couch with
naughty papicr.mHChc coachmeu and
iuotmcn came along. Ii had no one in.
side OF II, hut everybody looked at it in
utter astonshmcnt, and one man near
me yelled God save the Queen as he
gently inserted his hand in my pocket.
I AnnthIr .fpnna1 IA a. Nt
leather shoe and tried to hold his breath,
but 1t was too strong for him.
II now rained.
Then mounted policeman drove
down the lOug ranks Of excited people.
wish "snew as much us lie seemed TO
know" Solomon in all his glory was Il
little, wilted wuyside violet compared
with thar man. II had his scii.re.
spect together with my great big tecm'
ing lmule teamiug) brain, ! would be,
no doubt Il man who could make the
civilized world stand aghast.
Then another red coach with red
driver and three footmen IN rcd and
gold and sawdust legs and powdered
hair drove by. A tradesman on my
left stuck his wet umbrella through my
high hat and murmured God save the
Queen" There was no one in the coach
and we couldn't have seen them II there
had been dozen.
II now ralned again.
We waited for the clouds to roll by.
My legs went to sleep, one by one, and
slumbercd on peacefully. AT last there
was
a hurst or MUSIC,
and the small royal band with no lead
or but little drum major with Il black
velvet jockey cap, and the air of one
who owns the earth, came along the ave
nue. which was walled with $1,000 peo-
pie, In the midst of whom u tall, litne
American fool might have been seen.
i In about two weeks another red coach
came along, and there was some one in
it, Everybody said, That's 'cr."
afterwards learned that 1t was the royal
chambermuid. | woke up one of my
legs and tried to get II better place.
got one where the mud was II little less
yielding, but the juice from an umbrella,
owned by short lady, ran down my
neck. She also put side whiskers on my
hat by rubbing il the wrong way. Then
several red coaches came by. Every
body said, "That's 'er," and then we
waited again. have been fool three
times this year that ! remember of.
Once, when | watched the inaugural pa
rade till my eyes were red: once, when
| watched the centennial parade q II my
teeth got loose; and once, when
watched the wedding party in London.
Finally carriage went by, with O
little stout old lady In it. We alsc
caught sight of good-natured man in a
red coat and full habit and slender
girl in long white veil and her Other
dress. ain told that these three were
the queen, the Prince of Wales and the
bride. If they saw me they dissembled
very much.
was tired. and so, sending to the
house my card printed In our own jol