New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-12-29
HEZEKIAH BUDLONG'S WALK.
A BUSINESS MANS ADVENTURES IN FIFTH-AvE.
AND BROADWAY.

Hezekiah Budlong is the name Of portly business
man who lives in fashionable block in West steenth-
st. Now, Hezekiah has lately been reading about the
importance Of walking exercise, and after think
ing the matter over, he determined to walk every day
from his house to his Office. so the other morning
after making his will and bidding goOdby to his
family-for Hezeklah is methodical mamie sailed
ont from his elegant home with the citation and the
anxiety that great explorers always feel
He swore softly to himself when the butler Of his
neighbor, links, who was cleaning the Sidewalks.
swept about half bucket Of water on him. But
when two other buffers did the thing before he
got 10 Fifth-ave his language became not only ex-
plosive but extremely audible. Inasmuch, however,
as It was raining hard that an umbrella was use
less, he finally concluded that he would get wet any
how and therefore the mOdus operandi was matter
Of small consequence.
lie then turned into Flfth-ave and was beginning
to enjoy the stroll down that justly admired thorough
fare when he was almost sickened by the odor nom
an exposed and leaking sewer pipe But he DIDN'T
have time to think of that long before his nostrls
we're assaIled by another odor equally vile, winch came
from wagon filed with garbage of an evidently an
Gent vintage Just at this moment too he passed
an ashman, who was in the act of emptying large
sized ashcan As the rain had ceased and the wind
had come up, Mr.. Budlong's wet garments were at
once covered with thick coating Of the best grade Of
Lehigh Valley red ashes.
The ruin to his clothes was bad enough, but what
tried HcZcklanS temper InOsJ was tHdV 'io doiS'
blinded him SO that he did not window-washer
who was using one Of those long handled scrubbers
with great vgor and energy. OF course, therefore,
Uezekiah came into collision with him, for it
is a welI-knOwn fact that no window-washer
ever looks out for pedestrians; he works
ON the theory that he owns the sidewalk and the
breadth thereof The result of the collision that
Hezeiah hit the with the end OF the long
pole This aroused the indignation of the honest
window washer who denounced him as vile chump,"
fer gttn in der way No further mshaps occurred
until Hezekiah was crossing to Broadway, when he
slipped in the slime which that historic street.
and came within an ace of being run over by
street car and a brewery wagon.
After going into a barber shop and paying quarter
to have his clothes brushed. he pursued his journey
down broadway lie had not gone far before a sub
way worker hit him in the stomach with shovelful
of odOriferous dirt and while he was giving the
grnning navy piece Of his mind, falling electric
wire hit him on the head Naturally, he expostulated
with the careless workman who had dropped the wire.
but the only reply of that individual was, Oh, wots
der matter wild yer; Der wires dead" This rctoft
was hugely enjoyed by all the bystanders. and
Hczekiah felt that he looked upon as crank OF
the worst kind.
IL would be impossible to relate all the troubles of
Hczekiah on this terrible trip. He finally reached
his Office more dead than alive, and IT was fully a
week before he recovered from the effects Of his rash
adventure He has not since tried to walk down
town. and. it is almost needless to say. he mas
firmly resolved never TO do so again.