Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1889-11-28

"Egadi But 1'm getting there with botn
feeti No barber could beat thatr'
Mr.. Bowser wears q mustache, and L.
very proud of it. At the third or fourth
scrape along his cheek one end of the
mustache got in the way Of the razor and
share Of it was carried overheard, so to
speak.
ssBy thunder gasped Mr.. Bowser as he
regarded the damage, and he carefully
washed all the lather on that side to closer
inspect the calamity. Investigation proved
that the damage was not beyond repair,
and he renewed the lather and went ahead.
In the course of the next fifteen minutes
Mr.. Bowser must have removed as many as
two hairs from his face, and he uttered
fully one hundred signs and grunts. He
tried the razor in bis right hand and in his
left, and in every conceivable position, and
he brushed on the lather until a hoe would
scarcely have scraped it OF.
ssYou see, heard him saying to him.
self, "a fellow has to fool around awhile to
get confidence in himself. l expected it
would take me about half an hour this time,
but inside Of q week I'll make q clean shave
inside Of five minutes. There-that's a
good job"
He wet towel and wiped the lather on
his face ana took a look in the glass. The
result astonished him. So far as he could
see he had not removed one single beard.
He had scraped on the lather, but the
for awhile, and then mixed a fresh lot of
lather and brushed it.on, and after satisfying
himself that the razor's edge was all right
by cutting a hair pulled from his head, he
laid it against his chin. He gradually
turned it up and began to scrape and /
heard him softly saying:
t.Now, then, I've got the real hang Of it.
l was carrying it too fat There's a trick"
Two things suddenly happened. He cut
he 1of nf Off
gashed his chin at the same stroke, and the
next instant he bounded out into the hall
and shouted for me.
ssWell, what is ita'' asked as rose up.
"Look here! I'm fatally wounded,' he
cried, as he danced around the hall.
Let me see. Why, it's nothing but
slight cut Let me wash the lather OFF,
1t was a lively cut, and it bled freely tor
quarter of an hour, during which time Mr..
Bowser did a great deal of signing and
groaning, and forgot about his mustache.
When 1 had plastered up the cut he re-
turned to the glass, discovered that his
mustache was lop-sided, and wheeled on me
to exclalm:
s'Look at it! Look at that, Mrs Bowserr'
eyes, you haggled your mustache. I'll
get the shears and trim 1t off,
''Neveri Keep right away from me Mrs.
Bowser, your plot has been discoveredi"
: s'Don't be so foolish, MIR. Bowser. 1 told
you didn't believe you could shave your
self"
SIT is all as plain as day now" he contin-
ued, as he upset the lather cup and walked
through its contents; "you probably figured
that I'd cut my throat. You were sitting at
the head of the stairs to catch my death rat
tler'
'sDid tell you to bring home that razorl
Didn't try to discourage you from shay
ing?'
He turned from me without reply, and
I went downstairs. He came down after
about half an hour. He had been obliged
to sacrifice third of his mustache to get it
in proper shape again, and the lather which
had gotten into his eyes gave HIM the ap-
pearance of having wept for a week.
Its too bad,' 1 said, breaking a long
and embarrassing silence.
''Oh, it is, is it!'' he Sneered in reply.
sToo bad that Pm not lying a headless
corpse upstairs and you figuring on my
lite insuranceP'
'Well, it's no use to talk to you, Mr..
Bowser"
mot Bit Mrs. Bowser. You had plan.
I checkmated it. You stand revealed in
your own true light as would-be Borgia
or worse. This is the last straw, Mrs. Bow
ser-the very last In the morning we will
talk business"
But when morning came he didn't have a
word to say. found his shaving outfit in
the side yard, where he had thrown it from
the window, and the girl is now using the
razor to peel potatoes.-Detroit Free Press.