New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-06-26
WORK OF THE WITS.
Can You Laugh : t these.

Tan lou Laugh t these!
When cats want to fight at night
they scratch a match.
The best society is that in which
1 Yesterdays money does not call on
today's.
A great reader is a ssbook worm. "
Q. p. D., a great trigonometrician is
an angel worm.
a politician must be very careful
how he experiments with himself if
he expects to get there.
Twice two doesn't make four half
as hard as it makes us tired to have
to keep dinging the fact into people.
Rejoice, Q young man, in the days
Of thy youth, but remember that,
| big as he is the whale does not blow
much until he reaches the top.
Muttonhedde, leaving for the
country and speaking in a tone Of
suppressed ecstacy SsGad! What
q splendid time | shall have when
II get back to toN'n!o Truth.
/ Jones' who is tan everlasting
talker, was recently inveigled into
betting 50 that he could keep his
tongue still two hours. Forty min
utes had scarcely elasped when Jones
shouted out in great glee, "Three
cheers! The times half up. =
'sMy friends and fellow-citizens, ?
began the impassioned orator, "the
| gentleman whom you are about to
nominate is a man way beyond sus-
/ picion." Sure, that's what he is!''
shouted an opposing voter. "What
we've got agin him is all facts
Omaha Sprigg our wife has very
large hands, hasn't she? Mr.. Dead
Weight-No, about the average size.
Why do you ask? Omaha Sprig
Well, | heard pa say that she has
had an elephant on her hands ever
since she was married. Omaha
/ World.
The Dentists daughter (who hears
her father approaching) dear
Edward, here comes my father. If
he should find us together here we
are lost. Q, he is coming! You will
have either to ask for my hand or
let him pull out a tooth for you. .
Fliegende Batter.
Little Pierre. a French boy, went
out to walk with his father on the
road, aud was badly frightened by
a drove Of cattle. "Why should you
be afraid, Pierre?' his father asked.
"Why, you eat such creatures as
that at dinner, you know
eyes, papa" said Pierre. "but
these aren't well enough done!"
One day a little girl, about five
years old, heard a preacher praying
most Justify, until the roof fairly
rang with the strength of his sup
splications. Turning to her mother,
and reckoning the maternal ear
down toa speaking place. she whisp-
cred, Mamma, don't you think that
if he lived nearer God he wouldn't
have to talk so loud?"
Flossie is six years old" Mamma"
she asked one day, elf get married
will have husband like par Yes"
replied the mother with an amused
smile. "And if / don't get married
will have to be an old maid like
Aunt Kate?o eyes Mamma
after a pause-s'it's tough world
| for us women, ain it ?1-Bingha M
ton Republican.
An accident on a Western railroad
stretched one of the employees lifeless
it was thought. Aphysi clan kneeIed
beside the unfortunate man, lifted
an eyelid, and saw dull, expressions
less orb. Yes, he's dead fast enough;
take him away!'' exclaimed the doc
tor. The supposed corpse suddenly
began to move his lips The startled
surgeon listened, and this is what he
heard: sYou derned old fool, that's
my glass eye!''
Mamma Crying to castor oil her
6-year-old): Here, Bobby, swallow
this nice sirup, like dear Bobby:
'Der yer take me for a hayseed? I'm
onter yer curves, am. But gimme
f'pence, an I'll swallow spoon an
ALL" Bobby gets the requisite ssti'-
pence and takes the accompanying
dose. Papa (gloomily): aThat boy
will never amount to anything
Mamma Enthusiastically: "Oh, I
think it was cute of him. Papa:
No, it wasn't. He ought to have
refused the medicine after he got the
nickel"
Literal Interpretation.
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