Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-07-03
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
What Kept Him-A Matter of Daily
Bread-He Had Been Warned.
WHAT HE CALLED sLosH1Na ABOUT.


AT a certain "court time in Pike
county. there was a trial for general
row. and witness testified that the
Slantonstall "iust kept sloshit' about. "
As this remark regarding the chivalrous
Slantonst all was frequently repeated,
said the lawyer for the defence:
"Come, witness, say over again what
1t was that Mr.. Slantonstall had to do
with the affair"
Slantonstal12 Why, I've told you
several times the rest of 'em clInched
and paired off, but Slantonstall he Just
kept sloshin about. " ,
"Ah, my good fellow" exclaimed
Nat, quite testify, "we want to know
what that is. 1t isn't exactly legal evi-
dence, in the shape you put it. Tell us
what you mean by sloshing about. "
"Well," answered the witness, very
deliberately, "Ill try. You see John
Brewer and Sykes, they clinched and
fought. That's i'll legal form, amt 1t r.
"Oh, yes," said Nat, "go on.
"Abney and Blackman pitched into
each other, and Blackman gave Abney
black eye-that's legal, too, amt it +
Proceed !"
"Simpson and Stokes and Murray
was altogether on the ground, hittin
one another-that's legal, too, amt itt"
"Yes, but what about Slantonstall u
"And SIantonstall made it his busi-
ness to walk backward and forward
through the crowd, with n big stick in
his hand, and knock down every loose
man in the crowd, as fast as he come on
'em. That's what call sloshin' about. ."
New York Mercury.
MATTER OF DAILY BREAD.
"My friend" said the long coated old
man, solemnly, "have you made prepar-
alton for the day of Judgment"
"Sir," replied the young man, 'that's
how make my living"
"Youmg man !"
'Im employed in the sheriff Office. :"
--[Time.
AN IMPossIDILIrY.
Type writer Agent called to sec
you in reference to your typewriter.
Would you exchange if You could get
some improvements!
Merchant-I can't; I'm engaged to
her, Judge.
CoMMUNING WITH NATURE.
Close by the sparkling brook whose
silvery waters danced in the sunlight
and ripplcd ioyously over the golden
sands they sat in silencc-Georgc and
Laura drinking in the glorious beauty
of the rustic scene and commuuing with
Nature in one of her chosen shrines.
f,,. in fla ,uact thn capnNpI IN
linger on the horizons lnim as if nm
willing to shut out from his gaze the
lovely landscape that glowed with n
softened and even melancholy radiance
in his departing beams.
A thrilling cry burst from the lips of
the beautiful girl.
"George? George!" she almost
shrieked.
"What is it, darling?" he asked,
placing his arm tenderly around hel
waist. /" Has the romantic, yet oppres.
sive, liveliness of the scenery saddened
your spirits"
"No, George F." she screamed, way
her hands wildly and making a frantic
jab at the small OF her back. d" think
it's some kind of a bug p Chicagf
Tribune.
EXPERT TESTIMONY.
Little Nan, of four summers, consider
ing it her duty to entertain lady who
is waiting for mamma, enters into con
yersation:
Nan-Havc you got any little girlsl
The Galleries, j have two.
Nan-D-do you ever have to whir
'em?
The Caller-I'm afraid I have to-
sometimes
Nan-What do you whip en- WITH
The Caller (amused)-Oh, wien
they've been very naughty J. take my
slipper,
Nan most feelingly, as mamma enters,
-Y-yo-you ought to use u hair-brush
mamma does, and it hurts awfully.-
Life.
A PRoVISo ADDED.
An old vag who had been in the habit
of calling on certain business man on
Griswold street for dimes was asked the
other day how much lie would take t.
keep away for all future time. He
thought for moment and then replied
"Give me fifty cents and I'll never
bother you again"
"I'll do it, Here-let me draw up ;
writing to that effect"
An agreement was drawn up and the
vag read it over and laid it down witt
the remark:
uT can't do IL There's something