The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1889-07-06

and they must not be relocated to the
garnet either. until his fancy for UNI
brella stands has faded to be replaced
by something else, hardware or music
stools, as the case may be. This man,
by the way, is at the head of flourish
ing business house, and he is con-
sidered sensible and thoroughly prac-
tical except for this weakness, which
has earned for him the nickname OF
General Plurality"
A good old lady who was born with
a silver spoon in her mouth. has all
her life envied poor women their wash
tub. To do ones own washing she
considers the greatest privilege that
could fall to the lot of human being.
This is not one of the fancies of old
age, for it has been her pet hobby all
her life. Now she sits propped up in
pillows all day long. and the only way
to induce her to take her medicine is
to place dolls washtub on the satin
coverlet and let her trife with few
pieces of muslin on her miniature wash
board.
Every physician, and indeed every
person occupying public position, is
familiar with the crank possessed of a
letter-writing fever, the epistolary
crank who delights in sending closely
written sheets of foolscap paper to busy
people on subjects which frequently
they can't make head or tail of.
Here are few extracts from the
scrap-book of an eminent oculist in this
city:
'sNEw YORK, Jan. %, 1882.
"Dear Sir: On December 20 last had tho
misfortune to break my artificial eve. The abb
sence Of my folks in the country this winter;
the fact til at had been unemployed for two
months and was without ready money, together
with an Indebtedness OF two weeks rent, all
tended to distress me. In my dilemma. con-
cluded to deprive myself OF the consolation
which music affords, l. e., my organ"
Then follows a tedious account of the
amount required for storage, and he
continues:
1.-THE Goth of January Is fast approaching.
Being still out Of employment. fear II do not
Il
not appeal to my folks. No; they gave me the
organ, which originally cost Ass wide enclosed
cut, style b."
Two pages further on he modestly
requests the physician to release the
organ for him.
A long and wearisome letter from a
man with whom this physician was
slightly acquainted ends with the fol-
lowing choice extract:
81 went to Colorado two years ago and spent
year, Doctor, ION account of domestic infelicity
I'm sorry to say, Doctor. Ny wife than went
to divorce State and procured divorce from
me. l simply thought to make her miss me,
Doctor, and awaken her affection In this was
disappointed. returned to my home when my
urgent appeals appeared futile l have been
very lonely at times. But that is passing of"
In another long work of art youth
expresses himself in this ingenious
fashion:
THUS hearing of and appreciating your great
knowledge and consequent power 1 thought
would write to you. lam working at present In
Q grocery store but my ambition in life is to be
q doctor Now, II you could have me in your
once would work very hard for small COM
pensaHon and lesson in medicine. Hoping
you viii be kind enough to answer this letter
before the end Of next week will now come to
o close"
Here is letter tinged with CHASTITY
bumor. Unlike the preceding ones it is
short and can be quoted in full:
"Sir: 1 notice by the New York - that
you wish to make post-mortem examination
of a 6efunct Boiler Maker I have been o
Boiler Maker in active business for thirty
years. but at present am patient in this insti-
tuition suffering from phthisis pulmonalis, with
every probability Of shutting on this mortal
coil ere long. II you would like my cadaver for
future but uncertain delivery. please state wha t
price you will give for it cash down. will give
you . lien on my corpus subject to your own
risk
do not initiate us Boiler Makers by turning
q deaf ear to my proposal.
"Yours till death and afterward."
One day man called at this physi-
clans Office and requested to see him.
On being told that he must wait, as
number of patients were there ahead of
him. he scrubbed this note on a scrap
of paper and went away:
II detected the physical destruction of the
planet now pending. The recurring earth
quakes and abnormal ice foes are physical
signs of the catastrophe. wish TO explain it
to you with the view Of the professors of the
school giving me Q hearing, as believe have
discovered remedy which If generally applied
may save the lives of all now endangered"
This was the last heard of Hmm.
Y. Tribune.
WHALE WITH PEASE.