Morning journal and courier., 1889-02-12
SWE RT.

Make yOurSelt to mum, as the pee 68lQ to the ant when it crawled into the hive. Bur liDgson Free Press.
 Wife-"Where are you going, Johnny? its getting very late." Husband (who has been reading patent medicine almanac)- s'I'm going to see doctor, if live to find one. e."-Harper's Bazar.
 Raker (to Miss Brown, who is aged 37 and as rich as she is not lovely)-"Miss Eva, I love you, adore you! Will you be mine." Miss Eva (blushing)-"Yes." Raker-"Oh, you dear old irl."-Lies.
 First Manikin-"I'm going in foah athlet- ios, Gswge" Second Manikin-"Don't say doctah ordahs it." Second M.-"Whatcher going in foahP' First MI fawncy will try rolling my own cigarettes. ."-America.
 Mr. Croesus (wearily)-"Five hundred dol- iars for your modistel Isn't that little steep just after those other bills of yoarsa' Mrs. Croesus (sweetly)-"Ah, but this is for charity, my dear. I had to wear it ies.
 At hugging bee for the benefit of the church along the upper Hudson few even ings since man while blindfolded hugged his wife for several minutes without knowing who he was hugging. When he did find out he wanted his 15 cents back.-Kingston Free man.
 Little son (who is restlessly lounging around because his pa won't les him go skat- ing)-"Pa. what do people mean when they say green Christmas makes fat graveyarda" Pa-'They mean, my son, that in mild weather the ice is very thin. n."-Philadelphia Record.
 Daniel" "Yes, sire" CT see that Gen. Harrison has ordered a pair of walking boots." "Yes, sire; I noticed that, too ''It strikes me that we ought to go and do ;I1a al Gha1 Q1c hou walking to do about March 4"-Pittsburg Chronicle.
 Mamma (at the piano)-ssNow, Georgie, what shall we sing-somethiAg for Sunday, you knowa" Georgie (after thought)-"Let's B sing Shall we go in swimmingp" Mamma -"Why, Georgie. there's no such hymn as thatl" Gertie-'I guess, mamm, he means s'Shall We Gather at the Rivers "- Life.
 The other day man stood holding to a post on Miami avenue. He was tight. He | had to make his weaving way from post to post, from tree to tree. As he stood for 8 l moment to get his bearings woman came along with great load of boards on her back ! and halted for a rest. l "Shee here, ma'am,n said the man after looking at her in 8 cross-eyed way for some | time, "that's dog-goned hard, that is. That | 'peals to my sympathy, that does. I haven't
 a cent of money and can't spare any of my l clothes, but I'll divide my drunk with you if you'll accept, and it's drunk that cost ms | s-s-sixty-ive shents!"-Detroit Free Press. I THE RHEUMATIz. | Oh, the bangs and the twangs | Of a limb with rheumatiz;
 It makes you groan and writhe and shriek | And puckers up your phiz, | And if you aren't Christian | With the patience of saint, I'm much afraid that naughty words 1 Your impatient lips would taint. 1 You may put on all the plasters, | And swallow all the pills, ! And rub and scrub, and wash and bathe, | To ease these frghtful ills; | But all manipulations | And efforts are iu vain; | You can only hope the end will come
 Before you're quite insane. l For life is not worth living, | And all your friends untrue | And marriage is failure. 1 And everything looks blue;
 For tell you, true and solemn | The fact just as 1t is
 There was nothing in Pandora's box | To compare with rheumat | Boston Transcript.