davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
For Bachelors Only.

Select the girl.
Agree with the girls father in
politics and the mother in religion.
If you have a rival keep an eye
on him; if he is widower keep
two eyes on him.
Don't put much sweet stuff on
paper. If you do you will hear it
read in after years, when your wife
has especial purpose in indicting
upon you the severest punishment
known to a married man.
Go home at reasonable hour in
the evening. Don't wait till the
girl has to throw her soul into q
yawn that she can't cover with both
hands. A little thingilike tn: t might
cause a GOODNESS at the very begin
ming of the game.
If, on the occasion of your first
call, the girl upon whom you have
placed your affections looks like an
iceberg and acts like a cold wave,
take your leave early and stay away.
Woman in her hour of freeze is un-
certain, coy, and hard to please.
In cold weather finish saying
good night In the house. Don't
stretch it all the way to the front
gate, and thus lay the foundation
for future asthma, bronchitis, neu-
ralgia and chronic catarrh to help
you to worry the girl to death after
she has married.
Don't lie about your financial
condition. 1t is very annoying to
a bride who has pictured a life of
ease in her ancestral halls to learn
too late that you expect her to ask
bald-headed parent who has been
uniformly kind to her to take you
in out of the cold.
If you sit down on some molasses
candy that little Willie has left on
the chair, while wearing your new
summer trousers for the first time,
smile sweetly and remark that you
don't mind sitting down on molas-
ses candy at all, and that "boys will
be boys" Reserve your true feel
ings for future reference.-Ex.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
A Dog Who Kept His Word.

A solemn man entered the restau-
rant followed by his dog. He seated
himself and asked for the bill of
fare. 1t was given him.
"What would you like to have,
sir7" asked the waiter, Tipping the
table with his napkin. The dog
meanwhile had climbed upon the
chair on the other side of the table
and was grayely regarding his
master.
"Well," said the solemn man re-
aectively, "you can give me fried
sole nicely Drowned"
"Give me the same," said the dog.
"Then you can give me a steak,
underdone, and fried potatoes.
"Give me the same," said the dog.
The waiter gazed at the animal
with amazement mingled with hor-
ror. The solemn man continued:
"Cup of coffee, plenty of milk"
"Give me the same" said the dog.
The walters face assumed the
color of cold boiled veal.
"Chasse brandy" added the SOL
emn man.
"Give me the same" said the dog.
The waiter shuddered and fed
for the kitchen.
A man with a squint at an ad-
joining table had been an interested
spectator of the scene. He had OBJ
served it closely and finally spoke
to the solemn man:
"It must have been fearful lot
of work to teach that dog to talk
mister?"
"You bet," said the dog.
"What'ud you take for him, now?
said the man with the squint.
"Wouldn't sell him." said thu
solemn man.
"You'd better not" said the dog
The man with the squint wal
very much impressed. He begar
| making wild offers, and when h
reached ESQ the solemn man re
Tented.
"Well," said he, II can't refus'
that. / hate to part with him, bu
you can have him."
"He'u be sorry for it," said tn
dog.
The man with the squint pro
duced notes for the amount, which
he gave to the solemn man. In
latter was about to leave when tn
dog cried out:
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
HIS LAST REQUEST.

II heard a story on an 1rlshman,
the other day, which I think is new"
said a friend at the club. "This
Irishman was in the habit Of going
home drunk every night of his life
and beating his poor wife, Blddy,
in the good old fashion. He didn't
lick her because he disliked her or
wanted to punish her, but just be-
cause he thought it the proper thing
to do. Finally, however, the patient
woman could stand it no longer,
and appealed to the priest. The
reverend father went to her home
that evening and waited for Pat.
He came, drunk as usual, and the
good priest took him in hand:
"Pat,' says he, you're drunk
"Yis, your riverence,' says Pat,
I'm feelin' purity good
"Well, how long is this going to
continue, I'd like to know?
"Jist as long as l kin ait a dhrop
of the creatur',' says Pat; i can't
stop drinkin''
Nov, see here, Pat says the
| good father, 'I'll tell you what /!
You'll stop this right here, tonight.
If you ever get drunk again I'll turn
you into a rat-d'ye mind that? Ii
1 don't see you I'll know about it
jist the same, whether ye git drunk
or not, and if you do get drunk into
rat ye go. Now remember that
-ther's a good man.
"The priest went away, and rat
was docile that night. But the next
night, when he came home and
kicked open the door, one glance
showed Biddy that he was loaded
to the hat. She gauged his Jag al
once, and saw that he was in fight
ing trim, so she lodged behind the
table in an attitude of defense.
"Don't be afraid, darlin',' said
Pat, in subdued key, as he steadied
himself before dropping into a hair
Pm not goin' to bate you this night
Pm not goin' to lay the weight o.
me finger on ye. l want ye to be
kind to me tonight, darlin', and te
remember if ye kin, the days wher
we was swate hearts, and when
was always kind to ye and ye lovec
me. Ye know his reverence was
here last night, and he tould me if
iver got dhrunk again he'd turn me
into a rat. Pm dhrunk this mint
darlin'. The praste didn't see me
but he knows I'm dhrunk, and this
night into a rat I go. want ye te
be kind, to me, darlin', and watcf
me, and when you see me gittin
little, and the hair CROWN out or
me, an me whiskers gittin' long, fol
Gods sake, darlin', as ye love me
kape your eye on the cat.''
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
LIFE IN PARTS.

A man whose head is bulglng
with mathematical problems has
figured out the disposition OF every
hour of the daily life Of an average
man, and tells just how many hours
man of so years has devoted to
his toilet, meals or newspaper.
"Let US assume" said he, that the
sleeping hours of an average man
will number eight daily. That is
one-third of his time, so in fifty
years your man will have slept all
told sixteen years and eig ht months
The man who is shaved daily at
fifty years probably had his face
scraped not oftener than three times
per week at twenty-five years, while
during his eighteen years a razor
never touched his face. Say that
the semi-eentenarian has averaged
two shaves a week for fifty years,
that will give $500 scrapes in the
half century. At an average OF tit
teen minutes per shave the time de-
voted to this one small element OF
life will run up to ffty-nine days
and nine hours. If q man should
not shave in fifty years and then
attempt to make up his proportion
all at once he would have to shave
night and day for nearly two
months.
"The average man, who is not
limited to twenty minutes for dress
ing, breakfast and catching his train,
consumes about thirty minutes in
getting inside his clothing in the
morning. Half an hour per day
for fifty years would amount to one
year fifteen days and five hours, so
that if man should dress himself
at the start in life for the whole fifty
years he would pass two weeks be-
fore his first birthday anniversary,
and this means working twenty
four hours per day. A bath should
precede dressing, however, and
twenty minutes day for that pur-
pose would put man in the tub
for eight months, thirteen days and
eleven hours out of the fifty years
For other demands of the morning
toilet allow ten minutes per day, or
four months, five days and twenty
hours in half a century. Why, just
a single minute every day spent in
hunting for collar button means
twelve days and fourteen hours ir
the course of fifty years.
"Half an hour for breakfast, forty
minutes for lunch and an hour fol
dinner amount to FIVE months, five
days and nine hours of eating in
fifty years of life. The man who
lives away up in the Twenty-eighth
ward and spends an hour of every
day jogging to and from business
in \ horse car may not realize it
but it is nevertheless true that in
thirty years one year, three months
one day and six hours of his time
will go in that way. When a man
reckons his time as worth fifty cents
an hour it seems rather rough te
think that it takes $182.5O wortl
every year to get to business an(
back home again every day.-Phil
adelphia Record.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
IDAHO. SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER II, 1889.

over in the pasture. The boy took
about a quart of salt, rubbed it all
over the calf, working it into the
hair. A gang of colts in the pas
ture scented the salt and got after
the calf. They licked the hair all
off the calf's back, and tried to lick
the hide off, too. The farmer tried
to catch the calf to wash it, but the
creature thinking he wanted to lick,
too, kept out of his way. The boy,
calf and farmer are all unhappy.
The colts are the only ones that
got any fun out of it.-Savannah
Renublican.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

and then carried up over the body
and the top of the head, so that the
face looks out and the whole hangs
in a beautiful drapery. Many of
them, I note, have silk stockings,
and slippers to match the color Of
their dresses, and they are the
brightest and prettiest women |
have ever seen.-Corr. Denver Re-
publican.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

The KEYSTONE has long been acknowl-
edged to be the sole representative OF the
Great Upper Wood River and Sawtootn
mining regions, and, located as it u IN the
very heart of the most promising mining
country on the face of the earth. and leav-
ing nothing undone to present its readers 2
complete synopsis of all mining news ana an1
deyelopments, as we'll as matters OF local
Importance in the growth of Ketchum, the
future metropolis Of Idaho, it is aninvalna-
BILE guide for capital and informant to the
settler of every craft and position. Soo-
scribe for it, read it, and let your friends
read what may benefit them.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
'lalh Street, next door below Cornucopia
Restaurant.
SAa'Ing, HaiTcutting and shampuoing
DONE N FIRST CLASS STYLE.
Notice for Publication.
Land Office at HALEY, Idaho,

Land Office at HALEY, Idaho,
June 70. 1889.
notice Is hereby given that the following
named settler has filed notice of her inten-
cion ZION to make final proof in support OF her ne
tflaiin, and that said proof will be made oe-
iigfg ig The Register and Receiver at Haley,
iprislio, on July q. 1899 viz: Mary a.
hIl'ciue, for the lot 5, block ~, and lot .
,a ,iocK 50, town of ketchum, Idaho Ierri-
, she names the following witnesses 70
1r9luyation of, said land, yiz: Geo. J. Lewis.
rnu rrsnu rasmussen. John L. Holman, l. l.
AeSis, all Of Ketcham. Idaho.
II. o. BILLINGS, Register
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

"Never Mindful get even with
him. I'll never speak again."
He never did.
The gentleman with the squint
was the proprietor Of an itinerant
circus and variety show.
The solemn man was an amateur
ventriloquist of the first mater. ]
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

"SAD case. that of one of my tail
ors." said q Water street merchant.
"The best man I had working on
trousers has become totally deaf"
"You don't mean it; what was the
cause of it?" asked the anxious
customer. II don't know, but l
suppose it resulted from working
among such extremely loud spring
patterns was the unfeeling reply.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
WHY the Colts Licked tho CALI

A farmer named Hilton hired q
very inexperienced boy to help him
about the place. One morning ne
told the lad to go and salt the calf
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

"WHAr's your name, sis7' asked d
Chollv of the pretty waiter girl.
1Pearl. sir" "Ah, you're the pearl
of great price, no douo.. NO.
sir, I'm the pearl before sv'ne,
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

A FRENCH physician, DR.. Rriand,
has invented new cure for con-
sumption, which is remarkable in
it's way. Slowly accustoming the
patient to the action of the air, DR..
BRAND first opens the window, then
moves the bed on which the "sub-
ject" is lying every day nearer to it.
The last stage of the cure consists
in sleeping in the open air regard
less of wind, rain or snow. 1t is
said that the four patients who sub
mitted to the kill-or-cure treatment
ent last winter have gone home to
their families rejoicing, every con-
sumptive symptom having disap-
.peared.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21
A Strong Writer.

"Stephen," said the colonel, speak
ing to an old negro who had come
to cut the grass in the yard, II am
told that you intend to give your
son a good education"
"Dat's what I does, sab. I knows
what it is to struggle erlong widout
parnin', an I is 'termined dat my
son shan't travel bar foot ober de
same flint road dat I did"
"a noble resolution, Stephen.
There is something beautiful in the
uncultivated mind that has a rev.
erence for knowledge. Is your boy
learning rapidly?"
"Ez fast as hoss ken trot, sab.
wy last week he writ a letter to his
aunt dat libes mo- den twenty miles
from yere, an after while he's gwine
ter write his udder aunt dat libes
fifty miles erway."
"Why doesn't he write to her
now?"
"Oh, he KANT write so fur yit.
He ken write twenty miles fust rate,
but I tole him not ter try to write
fifty miles till he got stronger wild
his pen. But he gwine ter git dar,
I tell you. Won't be mon or year
fo' dat boy ken sit down at end o
de guberment an write er letter
cl'ar ter der udder end"
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

THERE is but one secret in pre-
serving eggs, and that is to keep
them in a cool place, the nearer
forty degrees above zero the better,
but not over sixty degrees. The
eggs should be turned two or three
times a week. Eggs from hens not
in company with cocks will keep
twice as long as those that are ter
tile. No packing material is nec-
essary. Simply lay them on racks
and keep them cool.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

Evangeline-Now George, you
are going up in the blasting district,
won't YOU do nae one favor7 George
Certainly, dearest; what is itY
Evangeline-Do take out an acci.
dent policy.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

SARAH ALTHEA, etc., etc., ETC., says
she wants to be buried beside her
husband. While there seems to be
a popular desire to carry out her
wish in this matter, the transaction
REQUIRES a mathematical calculation
far beyond the power of the ordi-
nary ashington Post.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

Inea (teling of her yachting trip)
from there all the way home
we just hugged the shore.
Young Saphead-Aw, do you
know would have been werrysglad
to have been the shore.
Inez-Thanks.; but the shore had
lots of rocks-quite an attraction
nowadays, as you are aware.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-09-21

MorHER-"Well, did you get that
situation as office boy?" Little Son
-"Nope." "What was the matterW
"Don't know. The gent is lawyer,
and he asked me if l was a good
whistler, and told him I was the
best whistler on our street, and he
said wouldn't do. Guess he must
want a reg'lar professional"
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-11-06
theatrical.

Mrs. George s. knight. one of Ameri-
cas- most gifted condolences, with the
support of strong company in the vsri-
Gus casts, gave an evening of repertoire
at Harper's theatre last evening. Three
bills, Beauty Bess, ""Crazed," and my
Lord in Livery" were presented in sue
cessive order and each gave abundsu,
satisfaction. The productions introduced
some clever singing and the acting
throughout was of high order. Mrs.
knight has struck q popular plan in her
one night repertoire series. afording as i,
does refreshing change from the rollick-
ing noises of comedy to g refined order
that requires originality OF action.
Geo. o. Morris, supported By his own
company, will appear at Hsrper's theatre
next Saturday evening. Nov. 9th, In his
latest and most successful melodrama,
"A Legal Wrong" scenic and spectsc-
ular production of great merit. The fol.
lowing clipping is from the ST. Louis
Star of Sept. 6:
"A Legal Wrong at the Peoples, bid
far TO be q financial success this week
Two immense audiences saw the play
yesterday and seemed TO relish it. The
idea for the plot is q new one. and it il
so well laid that its strong points are vel
developed. and the interest of the play
play keeps the spectator wide awake
The new scenery and handsome stage
dressings at this theatre serve TO make
the play big success. The scene of the
wreck in the second act is novel.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-11-06
Cant. Nights Ambition.

A Washington dispatch to the st.
Louis Globe Democrat reads:
Capt. Washington Hight, of st. Louis,
is In the city, and was among the callers
at the white house today. Capt. Hight
is one Of the oldest pilots on the Miss;s-
sippi river, and is q candidate for super
vising inspector of steamboats, for the ST.
Louis District. The term of the present
inspector. Capt. David r. Ashbury. will
expire In q short time, and it is expected
that republican will be appointed soon
TO succeed him. The two principal can
ddates for the place are Capt. Frank
Burnett. the former inspector under q
republican administration, and Capt
John Shsfer, at present one of the boiler
inspectors. Capt. Hight is Endorsed by
the Mississippi River Pilots Association
and by many of the prominent steamboat
owners. He called upon the president
today and upon Secretary Window, but
neither would indicate definitely when
any action might be taken in the matter
1t is understood that complaints have
been filed in the form of letters against
the present board of inspectors, alleging
that they have used discrimination in ia
vor OF certain owners and pilots. The
board is composed of Capt. Ashbury,
Capt Shsffer and Capt. Archibald Cor
! don, the latter two being In the service as
boiler inspectors. One OF the letters,
signed by Michael Glenn, alleges that he
was summoned as witness before the
! board and was denied the fees TO which
| he was entitled. A similar complaint is
made against the board by Capt. Hight,
who alleges that he was refused fees in a
| case where he Was summoned to appear
or be subjected TO a fine Of 800. These
are only q few of the complaints involv-
| ing the present board. and Capt. Hight
will ask that they be Investigated.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-11-06
PENNY POSTAGE.
A Reduction In the Letter Tariff
Asked For--An Interesting Commu-
pication for the Improvement Asso-

A Reduction In the Letter Tariff
Asked FOr--An Interesting Commu-
Bication for the Improvement Asso-
citation.
Secretary T. j. Medill. Jr.. of the Rock
Island Citizens Improvement associa.
hon, is in receipt Of communication
from the New York Board of Trade and
transportation. which he is requested to
lay before our association for action and
which embodies the following preamble
and resolutions adopted last month by the
New York board:
WHEREAS, The reduction Of letter pos
tsge to one cent has been called for from
all parts OF the country. and one of the
great political parties in its last national
platform said, I'VE demand the reduction
OF letter postage to one cent per ounce"
and
WHEREAS. The usefulness OF our pos
tai system depends in great degree up
on its cheapness, and each successive re-
duction in the rate of postage has within
a short time developed an astonishing in
usefulness of odr postal system TO the
| people, while the deficits in revenue were
| soon made up:
ResolUed, By the New York Board of
Trade and Transportation. that the reduc-
ton of letter postage to one cent per
ounce should receive the attention OF
congress early in the coming session.
Resolred. That the secretary be re-
| quested to forward copy of the forego-
ing resolutions to each member of the
United States senate and house of Tepre>
sentatives; aud be it further
ResO!Ued, That copy of these resolu-
tons be forwarded to President Harrison
and Postmaster General Wanamaker,
with the earnest but respectful request
that the reduction of letter postage to
one cent be recommended to congress In
the presidents message, and urged in the
report of the postmaster general, to take
effect July 1. 1890.
ResolUed. That copy of these resolu-
tions be also forwarded to the conner
cial organizations of the country. and
that their cooperation in behalf of one
cent letter postage be invited; that they
be REQ uested TO adopt resolutions favor
ing the same. and forward copy OF their
action TO President Harrison and POST
master General Wsnsmsker, if possible,
before the presidents message has been
sent to congress.
The first great reduction in letter pos
tsge was made in 1S45, to five cents per
ounce. The deficit then resulting was
made up in three years. The second re.
ductlon was made in 1851, half ounce
rate from five cents to three cents. The
surplus was, in 1885, $3.50, 900; in 1889,
81, 400. 900; in 1888, 100000. The
third reduction was made in 1884, half
ounce rate from three cents to two cents.
The fourth reduction was made in 1885,
two cents far half ounce made tvs cents
for ounce. Newspapers now go at one
cent per pound. Twenty-four letters
average one pound in weight, and pay
forty-eight cents per pound. average.
If, therefore. letter postage was reduced
to one cent per ounce, it would still pay
at q :ste of twenty-four times newspaper
pound rates.
Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1889-11-06
RAPIDS CITY,
RAPIDS CITY, Nov.


Wilson Adams has gone in with C. C.
Coyne at Port Byron TO learn the drug
trade.
No trusnt officer has been appointed
by our school board vet Why, we know
not.
J. Scheib has an order for four NOR e
of his celebrated land drills from parties,
on Moline bluff.
We learn that Lewis Colesrove. of Port
Byron, is going to teach the bluff school
the coming winter
Rev. Harper, of Port Byron, now
breaches in the Christian church every
Sunday morning at IL O'Clock.
The city dads met Saturday evening
and issued beer license to Mis-. NJ Rettig
and J. G. Vogel for three months.
D. McNeal. of Wsterlown. the super
visor of this township, made Rapids City
g call today on town business.
The bible meetings at the Christian
church Sunday evenings continue TO grow
IN favor, and we are glad TO note this.
Rapids City may not be SO bad after ell
Slagel and family of three children are
moving from one end OF Rapids City to
the other today and incidentally moving
out of Port Byron township into Hamp-
ton township.
Why is IL that every man almost who is
hunter usually takes Sunday TO do his
huntingS Quite number from here
were out hunting on Sunday last.
Mrs. Lols Stone and sister. Mamie
| Fuller, visited ST s. D. Wainwright's
over Sunday Wainwright. By the way,
is one Of our solid farmers OF this end OF
| the town.
viii Hennegsn. former resident here,
was seriously injured in the mines of the
Empire Coal Co., at Gilchrist today. The
information did not say how bad or the
| cause.
! Mrs. W G. Griffith. of Davenport. wa:
in town last week. She is going TO teal
kown her property near the depot Ant
move it TO Davenport. where her husband
has feed mill and store.
NJ. Marks and Il. Mock had q Sigh
misunderstanding at the house of A
Leith. on the bluff last Tuesday evening
resulting In Marks striking Mock with {
hammer or some similar instrument on
the side OF the head. Mock had to go tC
Port Byron TO have the flow Of blood
stopped, so we hear.