The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-07-04

These faithful, loving girls?
Those blessed gir.s; my far from wise,
But golden-he arted girls
Chicago Journal.
TWO JOHNS, TWO COATS.
The Perplexlties They Caused by
Getting Mixed.
at fits you perfect, SIR" said the young
clerk in the clothing store; 1T fits like pa
per on the WALL" he was going to remark,
but feeling this rather hackneyed, he added ::
ut fits like the skin on sausage
''Scems to me it's kind of loose" said the
customer, trying to get view of his own
back in the glass-a feat which many people
endeavor to perform every day Of the year,
and in which no one ever succceds-''it sort
of wrinkles.n
''Wby, that is because you turn and twist
so,' said the clerk "Besides, YOU don't
want it to tit too good, only just easy. Why,
now, if you could see the elegant look of
your back from where stand" added the
clerk rapturously, Il VOW and declare you'd
buy it this minute for fear some other gen.
tle1nan should get it first And the clerk
folded his arms on the pile of ready made
overcoats all exactly alike even to the last
button, and felt that he could never do bet
ter than that while he livcl
And as Mr.. Meyer could not get behind
himself, and was trustful person who be-
heved what people said, he bought the coat.
Having had 1t put upon hint was cold,
ind he decided to wear it home-Mr John
Meyer received his receipt and bow of dis
miSSIl- and Walked auyov with l;%<1o Q,,+
tered consciousness of his elegant back, that
would have been very speedily dispelled
could he have seen himself as others saw
him, for the coat was much too big for him.
Meanwhile another young man entered
the clothing store, driven by the falling
thermometer to purchase an overcoat.
Exactly your size,'' said the talented
clerk, as he took number two from the pile
and proceeded to force his customer into it.
Il can't quite think it isl said the vic
tim, as he moved his arms uneasily, 'sit
feels too tight"
"A new coat always does, don't YOU
KNOW said the clerk, ''if it's the fit it
ought to be. A gent of your figure don't
want to go about in a bag. Why, if you
could stand where stand and see how styl-
ish your back looks, sir, you'd not let me
take it off for fear some other gent should
like that in it,
The customer fell into tho trap as the
Other had fallen
His vanity was tickled, and he revealed
the fact in his countenarce. He paid for
the coat and offered the clerk cigar and
the latter gentleman remained dreaming of
promotion: for now that he had tried a new
method on two customers, and succeeded in
making sale each time, what might he not
effect in the future!
Later on, the twin coats separated on the
pile, met again on the backs Of their pur-
chasers
'Mr. Meyer" said a gentleman walking
with a friend down long business avenue,
''let me introduce you to Mr.. John Meyer"
Coat number one bowed.
I'm John Meyer myself" said coat num-
Der two. when Adam had grown tired of
naming his descendants, he said: Let all
the rest be called John Mcycr''
Then all three gentlemen laughed at the
joke and went to the nearest place where
beer was sold. After that, as John Meyer
number two was a stranger in the city, Mr.
John Meyer number one took him to the
theater, and afterward to have oysters in a
pretty cafe.
Meanwhile they talked business and got
on famously, and parted believing each
other to be the very best fellow in the
world
Meyer number one, bein. a householder,
went directly home His wife was sitting
up for him and came to the door in crimp-
ing pins, with a kitchen candle in her hand
and a pink nose and eyelids indicative of
weeping.
II have been frightened to death, John,''
she declared. II lizard bowls down the
street and thought a policeman must be
clubbing you.'
What for, my DEAR" asked her spouse,
bestowing connubial kiss.
30, because they love to do it, said Mrs
Meyer, ''if ever thev catch any one out very
late. II you were driven to read the papers
as you sat up alone, as often as am, you'd
know what was going on, too.''
Mr. John, Meyer had married a silly little
woman, because, as he said, he liked that
sort, and he only chucked her under the chin
and said
"Well, I'm home now, Tootsey. Let's
shut up the house and so to bed. How does
my new overcoat look!"
Mrs. Meyer examined it critically.
well, it's a little loose, / Think said
she.
well, don't know. You don't want
to look as if you were melted and pouredi
into a coat, you know, Belinda said Mr.
Meyer number one.
"And here is a button coming off, said
Mrs. Meyer. ON sew it on before go to.
bed, or you'll be going down town without;
it, and every body saying how neglect you.''
She seized the coat, and being now in tho.
bedroom, she sat near lamp and began to
look in her basket for silk and needles.
Meanwhile her lord and master, who had
+1o IVA, 0f
and oysters, undressed himself and turned
into bed, where he was soon snoring tre-
mendously.
The button on, Belinda turned the coat
about, finding much fault with it, and
turned out the pockets to see if they were
strong.
lnever wouldobuy ready-made things"
she said to herself. II can't see why John
does it."
She put her hand into the breast pocket
as she spoke, and felt an envelope.
II wonder whether it is the letter gave
him to post this mornings" she said. "Just
as likely as nothe forgot it,"
But it was not her letter. It was one ad-
dressed in feminine hand to Mr.. John
Meyer, and post-marked ''Springville.
That is where he spent three weeks some
time ago." said Belinda. ':He never men
toned corresponding with any one Some
of those dreadful masculine women are in
business just like men. Anyhow, I'll peep"
She looked over her shoulder, saw as well
as heard that her John still slumbered,
opened the sheet of note. paper, and read
these words: :"
my OwNEY DONEY: How long you have
been gone ! fairly pine for you. Your sweet
psttefs ne Oil my ieyi What ~ awful thing n