Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-01-28
A great deal of this talk in the G. A. II,
is G A B.

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A great deal of this talk in the G. A. r.
is G A B.
Why not call them hay-widows? Hay is
grass with the greenness squeezed out.
Solid gold buckled suspenders are now
being worn-not in this office, however.
When a man is very young he cuts his
teeth. When he he is very old his teeth
cut him.
Why is it that lamp in a room where
there are 1.-TWO souls with but a single
thought" always goes out?"'
Stranger-May L ask what your occu-
patton is, sir? Tally-ho driver Gin col
lege town)-Oh, coach the students.
81 wish,'' said the Rev. Mr.. G's little
four-year-old, "that you wouldn't always
talk to me in your Heav emily Father voice"
q threw myself at her feet, moaned a
disconsolate youth. "Did you hit them?"
enquired a cold-hearted, unsympathetic
listener.
Old Lady(to grocer's boy)-What makes
the price on them potatoes so stiff: Boy -
It's because there is so much starch in
'em, num-"
Woman to tramp: Flows the soup?"
Tramp: "'Taint quite strong enough,
ma'am. 1 wish you would wash few
more dishes in it,"
At the restaurant-Wa 1 see you
have wine at fifty cents a bottle, and some
at one dollar. What is the difference be-
tween them? Waiter-Fifty cents.
Miss Leapyear-Have you read How to
be Happy Though Married." Mr.. Solus?
Mr.. Solus-No, my problem is how to be
married though happy. They solve it,
Magistrate-So you admit having been
engaged in making counterfeit money?
Prisoner-Yes, your honor; you see the
supply of the genuine article is so very,
very short.
Old lady (to boy who is tying a tin
kettle to dogs tail)-Little boy, don't
you know that it is wicked to treat poor
dumb animal so? Little boy-Dumb? Jest
wait till l let him go.
Irate passenger Gas train is moving Off
Why didn't you put my luggage in as
told you, you old Porter-E-h. man !!
yer baggage es ma sic fule as yersep.
Ye're i the wrang train
Mistress (to Bridget, who is cleaning
windows in the second story)-Geraldine
a man has just rung the basement bell.
Bridget-Ask him up to the parlor, and
till him I'll be down in jiffy.
Mr.. Brown thinks his wife the most in
genious woman in the world. He has
been married ten years, and she has sue
ceeded in putting his cuff buttons in new
place every morning during the whole
time.
Mrs. Maloney Ito postal clerk) How
much will it cost to send that newspaper?
Postal Clerk-One cent, madam, second
class. Mrs. Maloney-Well, then, give
me two-cent stamp, and III send it first
class.
doesn't it seem to you, Moses, that
these sleeves are too long?" ''Mein goot-
ness, friend, dot vas the latest style
Winter vas coming on, and de great Sc
creU of comfort vas in keeping your wrists
warm 20
A Michigan woman practiced with
revolver until she could hit suspender
button at eight PAGES. There came a
burglar into the house, early one morning
and she sent bullet ringing through her
buchan6'c loft COR
The average man gives a kiss just as
he throws a base ball-with too much
force. 1t ought to be as delicate as
rose leaf. Almost memory in a second.
1t need not suggest postage stamp or a
porous plaster.
Small boy to his sister, think that is
very silly Sister-Well, | guess men
are silly, too, sometimes. Brother-Hes,
I pose they are; but they ought not to
be as silly as women. They have had
more experience. They were born first.
When a man dies suddenly, without
having been attended by a doctor, the
coroner is called in and an inquest held to
ascertain the cause of death. But when he
dies after having been attended by a doc
tor, then everybody knows why he died,
and an inquest is not necessary.