Morning journal and courier., 1889-06-17
HANDS.

It is said that mermaids tie up their hair
 with marine band.-New York Herald.
 Wife-"Tom, must have some money to
 pay what owe at the hair store. I owe for
 6 skeleton bang, and switch, and a-"
 Husband-"Clara, spare me the narrowing
 details. ."-Texas Siftings.
 One of the graduating class at Vassar
 pitched into the newspapers in her parting
 essay. Since the new kind of bustles came
 in the press appears to have lost some of it's
 early popularity with the sex.-Boston Her
 aid.
 New arrival-"Can I come iu?" St. Peter
 -ssWhere do you hail froma' New arrival -"From Boston," St. Peter-'Boston, eha Well, you can go in, but want to warn you, you will be disappointed. "-New York Her. aid.
 Theosophy in Chicago.-'What's your hurry, Lou2' asked one Chicago girl of an- other. "Oh, the Theosophy club meets at our house tonight and hustled out to get some sausages for refreshments. ."-Nsw York Sun.
 Convicted besear-"Your honor couldn't you change my sentence of imprisonment in- to fnea" ''No; that I cannot do. And where would you get the money if I dida"
 'I could beg little every day till had enough. h."-Fliegende Blatter. Judge-"You were arrested for walking on the grass in the park, and that, too, right near a notice warning you to keep off," Ac- oused-"Yes, I'm nearsighted, you know, and couldn't make out what the sign was, so I went over on the grass to read it and was arrested. ."-Omaha World. The literature of clumsy congratulations would take whole book to record. One day an absent-minded gentleman had occasion to congratulate a bride who had just been mar ried to an officer of the marines. "A very good arm of the service, your husbands, ma'am," said the absent minded man; "lots of men die and are killed in it all the time makes promotion rapid, you see!"-Youth's Companion.
 Bessie-"You refused Mr. de Tempsa Why, any other girl would jump at an offer from himf'
 Maud Gust graduated)-"Oh,I know he's handsome, but never could marry such an ignorant mani Why, asked him few questions about the differentiation in proto- plasmic molecular bivalves, and do you know all he said was, T suppose so'"-Lawrence American.
 Last Resort-Mr. John Lott--"Johp, send me boy" Mr. Avredge-"The boys are all out, sir" MT. Lott-"Ring for dis- trict messenger" MT. Avredge-"Very sor- ", sir; but the messenger call is out of or der" Mir. Lott-'T must get a message to Blank 6 Blank somehow, and can't spare time to run around and see them. Are the un0er.clerks a6 olnnerf Mr. AVIeo9e- "Yes, sir" MT. Lott (despairingly)- ''Then shall have to use the telephone. Puck.
 Mamma (to Johnny, aged fve)-"Johnny, don't want you Co play with that Gupton boy. He's not @ nice boy at all and his com panionshtp will do you no credit" Johnny-"But, mamma, you don't seem to remember that we shall be men one of these days. I shall probably go into business and Bill will be mighty good customer, he'll al- ways be SO reckless about money matters, you know. Of course you women folk can't un- ! derstand these business matters, but I assure you that 1t may be good thing one of these ! days for me to keep up a sort of acquaint- ! anceship with Bill. l."-Boston Transcript.