Los Angeles daily herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1884-1890, 1889-09-22
FROM TIER COOKING.
The Old Cattleman Tells
About His Cooking.
HE WOULD NOT EAT BRAINS
How Mr.. Watkins Maintained the
Right to Regulate His Own
Appetite.

Ii Cn0roB anything IN Cn6 MluldHu L
objects to-" said the old cattleman mo-
rosely, Its the cookstove French on the
bill of fare. 1t enshrouds your grub in
too much mystery, and don't like to go
pokin' around in the dark a-makin' of
blind bets when l feed myself. The
needs of an empty and impatient stom.
ach, a.shriekin' for food, ia best met in
English plain an unadorned, but if it
must be done Turin, let's have it in
Cheyenne or Mexican or Apache or some
thing we men of the West can get fsll
out of. AS it stands feel like my niger
was liable any minute to come reportin'
round with boned bung starter or
pounded glass on toast or boiled bootleg
or something else I'll regret.
II spoke to Clark Frost about it the
other day cause knew Clark was head
quarters for the bill OF fare business.
Clark gets 'em up an takes whole lot
Of trouble about it, diggin' OF 'em out OF
some French books up in the laboratory.
"'We've got to do it that way said
Frost. Take these here people comm
from the 'fete East; their lady-like con.
densers have to be capped an' 'lured
into feed same as if it was some evil
device agin 'em, an nothin' but French
goes. The minute these ducks knows
what thing is they won't eat it,
"I'm a pretty good all-'round cow
camp cook myself, an | tried to get
Frost to let me into the kitchen to give
the cook a pointer on what l wanted in
mine, but he wouldn't do it.
"'This yere cook says Frost, lis alto
gether too gay as it stands, an if the
boarders takes to payin' him state visits
that will settle it,
"All wants on earth, argued, is
to ask this here man if he won't swipe
my steaks around in the coal bod or rub
'em on the brick board before he briles
'em. Pm used to gettin' sand along with
my carnie, an miss it; an if you'll
tell him if he'll work In few sand.
burrs on the sly an let me find 'em mad.
vertent, it'll bring back that pleasant
tickle in my gizzsrd, which of late days
amt been usual
"But Frost wouldn't do il. So then 1
cried to get him to kill mule for me; l
wanted some mule steak, but he
wouldn't do that neither, an so I've
quit noticin' him whole lot for to let
him know amt pleased.
"Can / cook?' says you. Well, l
should shoot six times can cook. Why,
son, can cook things you never saw and
can't eat. bring to mind batch OF
biscuits baked down near the Dobie
Walls in Panhandle. They we're
round in the grub wagon all
that round up, solid as door
knobs. They were deadly weapons,
them biscuits was if you'd hit man
with 'em, an some of the boys used 'em
for sinkers fishin' in the Canadian. What
was the matter with 'em? No good
bakin' powder was the matter with 'em.
Old Jerry, the nigh wheel mule on the
grub wagon, got into camp the night be-
fore an eat five boxes--all we had any
how-up. Jerry was q sick mule
an feelin' sad, it took place
the next day. He didn't look
like he regarded it as so mighty cunnin'
after all. He kept raisin' and a-swellin.
an a-effervesin' for five or six days, an
got 80 light you could lift him, but finally
he comes round again.
"The first time l ever did any cookin'
was down on the Concha, about sixty
miles south of Vegas, on the Fort Bas-
com trial. We was goin' cross rough
country in month or two an had q
train to pack with. One morning one of
the burros followed the cook down to the
river to see him wash his face. The cook
took out his false teeth an laid 'em on q
stone, an the minnit his back was turned
the burro eat 'em. Well, you should
see an hear that cooks language. He
wanted to cut the burro open an get his
teeth out, but we ruled agin him. Ar
gum the teeth was most likely all
clanked up by the burro anyhow pre-
vious, an for to 60 pokin' around in him
you'd be out burro an in no teeth.
"Well, the poor old cooks upper lip,
when his teeth was gone, hung down
like an ant eaters, an sorter Topped
round loose in front of his face like the
flap of tent. He couldn't talk no more,
lust kinder Kissed an spluttered when
he tried it, an so he had to make signs
like an Injun. The next day we started
him for Vegas to get some dentist to
work on his gum deck as soon as he
could, cause the way he looked an
talked he was liable to stampede the
stock, an he couldn't get his face fixed
too quick for the COW business.
"When he was gone | appointed my.
self cook. l knowed could fry beef OF
bacon an warm up can of corn or to-
matters, an the only thing reckoned
might as we'll practice on was flapjack.
I'd seen our old toothless cook set thar
cam an unmoved, an solid as sod
house, fryin' pan in each hand tossin'
an turnin' flapjacks big an thick as q
saddle blanket, and never miss a
trip. wondered could / do it,
I waited till the boys was out Of
camp, an poured about quart of batter
into fryin' pan an started in. l got
one side down all right an when she
begun to get dry around the aige,
knowed it was time to flop her. A good
many men get left by not havin' nerve
an confidence. and made up my mind
if failed I'd fall tother side of the hoss
So gave the fryin' pan sort of SCOOP
an haul same as I'd seen the cook, an
started that fapjack toward what is
known to astronomers az the zenith
Well, sir, balloon wouldn't have
gone higher. She went up like a
Kite, keeled over seven or eight
times, an lit in cedar tree we
had camped under. tried to poker hel
down, but not much; she stuck there
like a wet postage stamp an began tc
weep down tears of dough all over every
Sh;ng. l moved the fire to the other side
of ttlS tree an tried it again, an after in.
vestin' shout dishpan full Of batter