Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1889-01-12
FULL 70 FUN.

-Waiter-"Mr. Pepsine is AAigty
about his eating" Head Waiter-"Is
he an epicureP" Waiter-''NO, hos a
dyspeptic. Chicago Globe.
Bacon Go Mrs Parvenu) -"Did
you see the avalanches in Switzer-
land?" Mrs Parvenu-"Oh, yes: but
! never mix with such low society. -
Time.
-Up-Rivor Politician-"Are YOU
goin' to the caucus tonight, Jim?n
Jim-"Don't b'lieve will. left my
revolver at the gupsmith's to be fixed,
and he says he can't touch it until next
week. "-Epoch.
"A Paris Srm ha, produced porous
glass for window panes to assist venti-
lation. Porous plastcrs are said to be
good for bodily pains, but whether por-
Gus glass is good for window panes
remains to be determined. Norristown
Herald.
-Merchant---"What do you mean by
using such language? Are you the
boss here, or am ! the boss?" Clerk
81 know I'm not the boss" Merchant
"Then if you are not the boss, why
do you talk like blamed fool?n-
SJtinqS.
-Wife-"Why, John, what made
you get such little umbrella with so
much handler Husband That han
dies solid silver" Wifo-"Yes, but
you can't put the handle up when it
rains. Husband-"Well, I'd like to
know if | didn't put it up for s. during
the last wet spell?n- Washington
Critic
YES" said the fruit man at the
corner, regretlully, I'm gettin' old.
can't see as well as | used to. When
sell a pound of grapes to a man that:
in a 'urry, | sometimes gifts in ripe
bunch by mistake" And the old man
sighed dismally. Chicago Tribune.
-Wife-"I was so amused to-day
John, | was sitting in the Eden Musee
and was actually taken for one of tn,
figures by an old lady. 1t was toe
funny" Husband.-"Ha, ha ha! 1
must have been. Where We're you sit
ting, my dear, in the Chamber of Hor
rors?"-N. y World.
Magistrate Overwhelmingly t,
Prisoner)-"Stand up! You hereb,
solemnly declare, in the presence o
these witnesses, that you will love
cherish and protect this woman unit
death do you part Prisoner (badl.
frightened "Wha-what's that, We
Honor?" Magistrate Gousing himself
-"Oh, beg pardon! it's ten dollars o
thirty days. "-Lye.
Angel Child (to distant relative
who is dining with the family)-"Say
| got somethin' for you, Uncle Josiah
Here it is Distant Relative-'M
good little man, why do you suppos
| want that box of blacking9' Ange
Child-'Ma knows" Mother-"No,
don't, my dear" Angel Child-"Well
didn't you say Uncle Josiah hadn't an,
polish?-America.
Miss Virginia Tone, the heiress-
Mr.. Flicus, am l2terly astonished
not to say shocked, at your proposal
The idea of my marrying you is The
most deliciously-absurd thing | hav
heard. Perhaps you are not awar
) that belong to the +, T. V.'S?" Nj
Flicus-"The five foolish virgins?
was aware, Miss Virginia, that you ha
passed the period of giddy girlhood
but ] had no idea that you dated so ia
> back as that. -T3rYc Hmta Express
Us the editor-in-chief IMP" aske
stranger, us he sauntered into tn
city reporters room at eight o'clock
the morning. No. sir replied tn
ianitor, kindly; che does not com
+ down so early. Is there any thing
can do for you?n Perhaps so. Ar
you connected with the poetical d,
parment OF the paper II am, sir.
S 80, what do you do?' II empty tn
= waste baskets, sir