Wichita eagle., 1889-06-02

head for an idiot I've put on more door and
gate springs than you've got hairs in your
head"
He got the door down from the loft, and
after running up and down and backwards
and forwards for half an hour his assortment
Of tools consisted of two saws, an augur. q
brace and bit, plane, a screw driver and
screws, a square, compass, inter box and q
tape line.
docs 1t require all those tools to hang q
screen doorE' qseried
sit may and it may not" he replied
"Can l assist you in any wayP
"Can you assist me! Mrs Bowser, you
talk as if you didn't regard me as half bakedi
When l want your valuable assistance I'll
send you word on postal cardP'
l retired in good order and remained out of
sight twenty minutes When returned be
had the door on and seemed very well salts
fed
You'll have to make slight change in
that, Mr. Bowser."
'Howr'
you've hung it top to bottom"
II have. ehi I'll bet you $40. 900, 900 to a
cent haven't"
"Weu, look at the knob and the catch and
holdings on the panels"
He was fairly beaten, and he realized it,
but instead Of acknowledging the corn he
looked at it for a moment and then quietly
said:
II slipped it on that way to see If you
would notice it, but you'd have let it pass if I
hadn't called your attention to i'll"
In the course of half an hour he made the
change and was putting on the spring when
I came back. he had never put spring on
door in his life, and it would not have de-
tracted from his dignity to ask my advice,
but ne would have died first He measured
for it and began to bore hole for the screen,
After he had worked for two or three min
utes | asked:
that gimlet!"
''What do you meang' he demanded, as he
stopped work
you have been turning to the left"
''Of course I have. Whoever heard of
turning boring tool any other wayl"
Il have. You may work all day that
way and not accomplish anything. That
giInlet and all other gimlets turn to the
right"
They do, ehl What a smart wife have!
You had better deliver a series OF lectures on
mechanism"
win you turn to the rightT'
mo, ma'amn
He bored and bored, determined not to
give in, and at length l pushed him aside,
and turned the gimlet TO the right and had
it into the wood In no time.
Didn't tell you SO, 4lr. Bowserz"
"Well, the man who made that gimlet de-
serves state prison! It's the first one ever
saw that turned to the right, and had seen
millions of them before you were born"
Can you put the spring on alone"
''Mrs. Bowser," he answered, after glazing
at me in chilled steel way for half min
ute, perhaps L ought to be in the idiot asy-
lum, and perhaps do know enough to come
in when it rains. You viii oblige me very
much by going into the house and knocking
that squalling young IN on the head"
1t was half an hour before dared make
an excuse to get out again. By that time
Mr.. Bowser had the spring on, but the door
stood open instead of shut. He was standing
in a deep study.
81 know what ais it, Mr.. Bowser."
How shrewd!n
when you tighte0ed the spring up you
turned it to the right That throws the door
open If you'll tighten to the left, the door
will spring shut"
He sat down on the steps and looked at me
with twelve different shades of irony and sar-
CASH in his expression, and finally deigned to
reply:
"1Yh here did you learn all you knowl"
evil you fix that spring as l tell you?"
''No, ma'am, l won't! I've been looking it
over, and know where the trouble is. lisa
spring for left hand door l should have
seen it at the outset if you hadn't been both
ering around"
Il can make that spring work on this door"
"Afrs Bowser, | wouldn't have your con-
ceit for no money. No wonder you haven'ta
single friend in this neighbsrhood.
II have all want, and can fix that spring
in Two minutes"
"Never You simply want an opportunity
to break it. You'd tear the whole kitchen
down for the sake of carrying your point.
Go in and maui that bowling baby some
more"
grabbed the wrench from his hands, loos-
ened The spring and then turned it the other
way, and 10! the door shut and was held stiff
IN its place. as was designed.
There! Mr.. Bowser!"
There what"
"The spring shuts the door"
81 don't see it"
''Bat lookl Did you ever see door work
nlcerF'
''It doesn't work at all"
But seel'
II see a ruined door, just as I expected to
See, and now must get an entire new screeni
Mrs Bowser, l have borne from you until the
limit is about reached. Don't provoke me to
Husbands rendered desperate
by persistent and malicious nagging have
been known to arise at midnight and wipe out
the whole familvr'-Detroit F~se Press.
keeping Him Posted.