Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-05-31
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

~ iouS tfaHip NC SiA-looI DePSar-
On schoolship even the ropes are
taut.
The boy who stole the syrup did SO
syrup-titiously.
Motto of the ashucn-Come down
with the dust.
A spark of love-Thc diamond in the
engagement ring.
The Maid of Orleans was evidently
made of grit too.
Dressmakers arc of necessity people OF
much bias. Merchant Tracsler.
Parnell. Is undoubtedly long way
ahead of the "Times. "-iSJtinas.
The Salt Trust is the freshest monopoly.
1t should be put into the brine. :
Philadelphia Press.
"Pay as you CO." is a good rule, but
if you have no baggage the otel-keeper
insists that you shall pay as you arrive.
Peddlcr-''Can see the lady of the
house, please" Bridget 'Is it the
misthress you warrant or mcsclf. "-Nc,o
York; Sun.
The American aborigincs did not
know anything about the monkey
wrench, but they were familiar with the
Indian file.
"Did they receive you warmly Z"
"Did theyl Well, rather. They made
1T so hot left on the next train. Here
is souvenir feather. "-Ha,per'S Ba.ar.
Housekeeper-'T regret to say, sir,
that your son and the cook have cloped. u
Rich Old ''Thundcration Then
VIC shan't have any dinner. "-Lo,cel
Citizen.
A Georgia man committed forgery be-
cause starvation stared him in the face,
and then starved himself because the
forgery stared him in the facc.-Hutch
inso.a (Kan.) Ne'os.
captain" she said looking up at hin,
archly, "why does it look as if you had
been twice married." Don't know, Miss
Bangs, why2" because you've second
mate on board. y Ocean.
Miss Belle (warningly>-"S ally, they
used to tell me when was little girl
that If did not let coffee alone it would
make me foolish" Sally (who owes her
one)-"Well, why didn't you7"-Life.
SPA" asked the small boy, "what is
heroineW "Your mother is q heroine"
replied the parent. ''How heroinel"
''Why, she married your father when his
income was only $500 year, and sho
knew it."
81 understand" said Cora, "that you
were greatly deceived in Mr.. Pentwea-
Zel2" Yes my dear" returned Miss
Snyder. '1t seemed l never believed
him except when he told an untruth. -
Harper's Ba.ar.
Question, the meaning OF "Nihilist"-
Teacher (writing word on board, and
covering up the tcrmination) --"What
does that means" Pupil-"Nothing
Oh! 1t must mean man who doesn't
know anything"
what, man, you are going to let
your son serve his year in the infantry
and not in the cavalryl" 81 have only
one son, my Isaac. DO you think can
trust his life to an unreasoning aninial7"
F9ieqende Blatter.
Excuse me, Mr.. Brown" said the
haberdasher, 'but this is a quarter neck
tie you have selected. You always wear
81 one" "rhats all right, old boy,n
he returned with a wink. ''AIy wife has
just started making a crazy quilt"
The cats, dogs, and poll parrots of
England having been properly provided
for, hospital for fish has been estab-
lished. Fish are much exposed to
dampness, and pulmonary diseases would
naturally be most common. -D:troH
Free Press.
Oh, mother, mix the buckwheat cakes,
~, And beat the bubbling batter,
Then let it fall in Hopping fakes
10 slowly spread and spatter;
But don't forget the whole art lies
In letting each cake run
III Th unge an IKE t,awny storm-swept skies
-Ne,o York Sun
Here is Oscar Wilde's latest. He
CHANGED to call on q lady who had just
purchased number of Japanese screens
which were standing in artistic disorder
in her drawing-room. "You have come
just in time, Mr.. Wilde,n she said, sand
can arrange my screens for me-" But
Oscar replied: ooh, don't arrange
them; let them occur"