Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-09-19

elor Tompkins, coming down stairs.
after his first night at his new boarding
house, and feeling as if he had been
sleeping on the sidewalk, ''hayen't you
a dining room I"
Certainly, sir, this way, if you
please.
'But when I asked you to furnish me
with bed and board l didn't suppose I'd
have EN- both in my own apartment. -
Detroit Journal.
HARD MATTER.
There's one thing that's hard to un-
derstand.r
"What is thatl"
"Why. it is that in this era of trusts
it is SO extremely hard to get trusted. -
Merchant Traveller.
MARTYR TO DUTY.
Mother (suspiciously)-If you haven't
been in swimming, how did your hair
get so wet
Little Dick = That's perspiration-
runnin' away from bad boys wot wanted
me to disobey you an go in swimmin.
Il New York Weekly.
NOT THE ONE SHE WANTED.
Dealer-What kind of novel would
you like2 Here's one that has been
well received by the critics, and they
all say that it is a book that every one
ought to read.
Young lady-That is just the book l
don't want. Have you any that the
public is advised not to read 2-[Omaha
World.
First Tramp-Some folks is born
lucky. Rem Der Bill Soaks
Second Tramp-Yep.
First Tramp-He got into Sweipier's
brewery the other night an was
drownded in beer yat.-[New York
Weekly.
NERVOUS AND TENDER-HEARTED.
conductor, what was that2" asked
a nervous old lady as the wheels of the
coach made little more jar than usual.
eve went over q few frogs just then, +"
he replied.
"Most likely squashed the poor things,
too" she said with tremor in her
voice. Il Harper's Bazaar.
NO AGENTS.
Mr.. Wayside I. Raveller-Can you
give me something to eat, madam
Aunt Martha Oatcake-Go long with
YOU 1t isn't five minutes since another
tramp was here.
Mr.. Wayside T. Raveller-You do
not suppose, madam, that l am one OF
his agents, come TO impose upon you a
second time No, indeed l make this
request in my individual capacity.
vERAoIoUs BOOMERS.
Slumper-Just got back from Kan
sas. have you I Well, how does the
land lie out there
Slimper-Not half so bad as the
boomers do. Lend me dime, Will
you ~ Lawrence American
KNEW TOO MUCH.
Bobby-My papa's richer'n yourn.
Tommv-Don't care, mine knows
more; mamma told him yesterday he
knew too much.
NOT THAT VARIETY OF BULB.
"Oh. / am the flower that blooms in
the sprinQ." sang an intoxicated indl-
vidual as he lay on the sidewalk.
ssYou don't seem to possess the sell
raising qualities, said the cop who
gathered him in Charleston Is. o.
World.
TuEY ARE HOLLOW.
There is probably Just as much rea
sincerity in the kisses which the crowned
heads are exchanging over IN the ole
country as there is in the Kisses WHICH
the women exchange who haven't seer
each other since yesterday. burning
ton Free Press.
ALBERT EDWARDS REMARK.
Gazzam-Do YOU know the favorit'
remark of the Prince of Walesf
McCorkle-No; what Is 1t
Gazzam-It's q long time between
coronations. Il Liie.
"Sol"
"You look positively happy, Dolly.
Negatively happy, my DEAR nave
Just rejected Tom Barry.
ANTICIPATED HIN.
Fond Father-Sir. my daughter II
.ta annle az NV eve. She shall con
t;-ne under her fathers wing.
Won Gall-Thanks. | was Just goins
IN sneak about that Can you give "
tbe northwest wing.-tEpoch.
IN DANGER.
Bov-Mamma, am | made out o .
MONS Dos sare. sorrel and bread crumbs I
- M,otIer0SIercy, no What do YOU
meant Ia he ma,
Going to knock the stutfing out Of me-
AN INTERESTED DECISION.
Raw Primrose-You have very kln I.
ne 1;ttla how. 1 heard him say Il
i i,ss .b n.n1e S to punish children g.,
IT T,;ttle Johnnie = he only says llls,
III. ,'', ma does the hcking.-lDrake
Magazine.