The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-08-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

always make DOUn enuS lneet.
A soft ant, sir, turneth away a pick
nicker from the custard pie.-Sytings.
'You advertised for a nurse, MADAME"
Odd. What experience have you
had with dogsl"
A country doctor who owned a smoke
house hung out sign-"Consumption
and hams cured"
A corner in waterproof footwear is an
insult to the Understandings
(Ne.) Adrertiser.
The only way to get hen out of the
garden is to go slow but shoo'er.-
Merchant Trareler.
People who are fond of eggs take more
interest in the hens than in the poets lay.
-NetO York Herald.
"Buy your leave, sir, as the landlord
remarked when he paid an undesirable
tenant to vacate.-Sytings.
she-"An extremely bright men are
awfully conceited, anyway" He-"Oh,
don't know; I'm not. ."-Hdrrdrd Lam
p0on."
Wife-"I wish you would push this
baby carriage little way" Husband
"Well, will, if you will carry the baby"
Boston Herald.
A London journal facetiously remarks
that "Mr. Conybeare dined with his ad
mirers on the Queens birthday. Covers
were laid for one"
"Howton has some very strange ideas
about dress" ''You surprise me. Judg-
ing from his dress, imagined he had no
ideas at all. ."-Bazar.
He-''What lovely-er complexion
Miss Slimlymme has Her arms remind
one of ivory" She-"Or bone."-
Zeyre Haute Express.
Horrifed Husband-"A dollar for
those two quilts in your hat Why, it
would have been cheaper to buy the
whole goose. '-Bazdr.
William Kinns has fine pair of veal
calves hung up in his market to tickle the
palates of his customers, that weigh $50
pounds cach.-Saratoga Union.
Hired Girl CIo tramp, tattered and
travel stained)-"Well, you're dandy"
Tramp Surveying himself sorowfullD-
"Yes, I'm Il dandy; but I'm no dude~
''Yes, he acknowledged sadly, as he
rose from his knees, ~ am an amateur
photographer, but do not like to take
negative al the same n-Ne'o York Her.
dld.
Fond Father-"You want my daugh-
ter, eh2 Have you any prospect" !"
Suitor-''No, sir.n Fond Father-"Nor
has she. Take her and be happy
HarPer's Bazar.
Matron-"If l give you your breakfast
will you do some work in return2n Tramp
Eyes, madam; l promise to exert my
self sufficiently to eat the breakfast you
give me. - Yankee Bldde.
Boy-"Oh, mamma, our cat has caught
a rat -Mamma-"Take it away from
puss and give il to the Chinese laundry
man when he calls He'll allow a deduc-
tion on the wash. "-Ep0ch,
$50 out and despatch that snake, or
dered the Bostonian and her green gar
dener Mortified the female telegraph opera
tor by attempting to send the snake by
tslegraph.-Ne,O York Herald,
When a distinguished citizen enters
your home, you do not ask him to "take
a seat on the floor, but if he should visit
Congress or the Legislature, it is consid-
cred just the thing to do.-BOstoR Post
Freddie--"Why, old chappie, l heard
that the sheriff sold YOU out yesterday;
and yet here you are with your stick and
cyeglasS same as ever Teddie-"O,
me boy, the law won't take away the
tools Of ones trade, don'tcherknow. -
Time.
Ella-"How do you like Mr.. Mashl l
hear he called the other night. Ethel
81 think he's fearfully horrid. He
asked me if / could play on the piano,
and | told him that couldn't play muoh.n
''And what thenl' THAT was all.n-
Nelo York Sun.
There was a death in the house. A
neighboring undertaken calling to offer
his services was told that another had al
ready been engaged. Pardon said
the disappointed man, bowing himself
out, 81 hope l shall be happier another
time. "-SVtiags.
"You needn't look at yourself in the
glass so much, Mary said husband,
sarcastically; ''you are not so very hand
some" Everybody doesn't think as
you do" she said as she gave an extra
twirl to a ringlet and added more rakish
set to her hat, And the husband fell
into deep meditation, n,-Bost0H Courier.