New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-09-18
Humor of the Press.

you were sadly tried by adversely
that you are confined here Pris-
No; it was because was tried
by a granger jury that couldn't be
bought. Omaha world
Guest.-"And you are the proprie-
tor of this popular hotel, are you?
why, | was here last summer and /
didn't think you owned it then; did
your Proprietor.-''O no, | was
one of the walters, though. Time.
Ifit is correct that good-looking
babies grow up very plain, and vice
versa, then we know number of
persons who can console themselves
on having been extremely elegant in
tants.
Clara" he whispered ardently, edo
you think you could bring yourself
to marry me?" "No, George she
answered, with sad little smile. ~
couldn't very we'll bring myself; I'm
SO timid. You might bring me,
though, George
A Sunday-school lesson was on
"The Ten Virgins and the next
Sunday the review question was ask
ed, "What was the lesson about last
Sunday?' A bright boy gave the
prompt answer, "About ten gals
who went to a Weddin'''
Lady (who has just discovered
that she has been sitting on a newly
painted seat): ooh, dear, there's all
the paint come off on to nv dress!'
Painter: "Never mind; it don't mat
ter, mum. can soon paint the seat
again" g.,
ABostonpaper, in a fit ofenterprise.
had two of it's reporters disguised as
beggars and sent out to ascertain
how that class OF society fares. 1t is
thought that their success was so
great that they will remain in the
business.
A child who had just mastered her
chatechism confessed herself disap-
pointed, because, she said, Though
[ obey the fifth commandment, and
honor my papa and mamma, yet my
many days are not a bit longer in
the land, because I am still put to
bed at O'clock
'What is an echo?" asked the
teacher of the infant class. cts
what you hear when you shout" re-
piled the youngster "Is it caused by
hill or hollow" again asked the
teacher. "Both," was the ready re-
ply. Glow so!'' THE hill throws
back the holler."
"What in the world, John,'' asked
his helpmate, ''did you open that can
of tomatoes with?'' "Can-opener,
OF course" hegrowled: what do you
s'pose l opened it WITH" 81 thought,
from the language you used, you
were opening it with prayer"
Mrs. Chilsley:: ri see statistics that
show that IS per cent ofmale Grimm
ais are unmarried Mr.. Chilsley:
(Which shows how many men prefer
the penitentiary to- matrimOnv."
And the ensuing silence was so deep
that Mrs. Chilsley could hear herself
reflect.
A bright boy at Nahant came to
town on Wednesday to see the Presi-
dent, and on his return was asked
what he thought of him. "Wen," re-
piled the young Republican, II was
disappointed. There's a man in
Lynn who looks more like Mr.. Har-
rison than he does himself" Boston
Herald
Alfred (reading from the latest
romance)-"He seized her in his arms
and kissed her with frantic abando
She shivered and writhed in his close
embrace, and her breath came in
quick knickerbockers. Her eyes
Angelina-"One moment, please.
Knickerbockers?" Alfred-s'A little
emendation OF my own. The text
says, Her breath came in quick
short pants. Life
Doctor said the patient, 81 be
Eeve there is something wrong with
my stomach. 'sNot a bit Of it, re-
piled the doctor, promptly. "God
made your stomach and he knows
how to make them. There is some
thing wrong with the stuff you put in
it, maybe, and something wrong
with the way you stuff it in and
tramp it down, but your stomach is
all right
Excuse me, sah,' said fashion
able barber to one of his customers
who was in the chair being shaved.
''ef I was in your place, sab,
wouldn't eat no noah Limburger
ohaoSo Tf,S bod IN do d;ooc4;o1