The Jamesburg record., 1889-09-21
ODDS AND ENDS.


A reputation is a poor thing to reply
ON for steady board.
The green apple makes a most telling
fight after it is down.
Where did the gas man meter? In
the celler, of course.
The quickest way of smoothing rough
characters is to iron them.
Wealth maketh many friends; but
the poor is separated from his neighbor.
Craft borders upon knavery wisdom
neither uses nor wants it.
An eagle always feels more or less soar
ness in its wings when it uses them.
How much sooner it gets too dark to
saw wood than it does to play lawn ten
MIS-
Diamonds no longer indicate wealth,
any more than slang passes for refine
ment.
A hairdresser hopes to flourish in this
world and in the world that is to comb.
There are men who are really wise. To
be wise in ones own conceit is to be other
wise.
A citizen who has been run into a safe
ty bicycle says it hurts just as much as
the old kind.
Every man has his role in life, especial
ly the man who tries to ride the bucking
mule at circus.
We should not trust too much to our
selves, because we have often neither
grace nor understanding.
1t is not good that repeIs or evil that
attracts, but the monotony of good and
the variety in evil
Many an object in life must be attained
by flank movements; it is the zigzag
road that leads to the top.
The young idea may sometimes be best
taught to shoot by putting it through
a course of sprouts.
The excesses of our youth are draughts
upon old age; payable with interest about
thirty years after date.
The grandest and strongest natures are
ever the calmest. RestIessness is a SYM
Dol of weakness not yet outgrown.
Night Clerk-'We're all full.n In
ebriated Guest-"Jat so Bully for you'll
Jush my fix, 'xactly. Glad come here.''
A tailor being asked if the close of the
year made him sad, said: s'Yes, until the
clothes of the year are paid for"
A lady has been appoi nted professor of
wood carving in Western college Won
der if she can sharpen lead pencil.
Love may want all or nothing, but its
attachment is not SO exacting as a
sheriff7s; besides, the latter will take
what it can get.
Los Angeles has a modest girl who
learns the church songs from her sister
and not from the book because it is a
hymn book.
Noah might have built the ark of iron
had he not been specially directed to to go
gopher wood. He didn't have far for it,
either.
Old Gentleman-'You are quite
genius, my lad" Sharp Youth" Well,
dunno; p'raps so. My brother was a
genius, an mebbe it's ketchin'. 1 used to
sleep with him.
A man in strange village reads a
sign-"Ask you druggist for it'' reflects
moment and says with grin: 'Ah, I
see. A Prohibition town.
Lady-Was there anything strange
about the death of my dear doggie?
Bridget-Yis, mum. The darlint niver
uttered wurrud of complaint
Republican Equality.-Mrs. Rogers
Bridget, why haven't you got rid of this
swill 2 Bridget-Sure, mum, the swill
lady hasn't been around yet with the
cart.
Obstinaey and heat lin argument are
surest proofs of folly. Is there anything
so stubborn, obstinate, disdainful, con-
templative, grave or serious as an ass.
He-"Wil you marry me ?'' She
(coldlyl-''No; nor won't be sister,
either. You're too young" He-"Wil
you be grandmother to me, then ?p
An Ear for musie.-Miss Alice-Well,
Bridget, suppose you would give good
deal if you could play like that. Brid-
get-I would, Miss, but I'D give more if
could play better.
One fearsome thought sweeps into US
as we contemplate Chicago's disposition
to annex the earth. If she could do this,
where could her citizens 60 to keep up
their habit of being extradited?
Miss adaladder-"Why is it my dear,
that man, generally speaking, loves his
wife more before he marries her than he
does after?" Mrs. Heavyhart-"B Because
she isn't his wife before he marries her.
Affiiction acts like the wind upon the
trees, making them take deeper root; it
is the moving of the grass that it may
shoot up thicker and greener; it is the
shaking of the torch that it may burn
brighter.
Lawyers Clerk: .'sWiIl you take a
chair, Miss ?'' Boston Girl: mo, thank
kxyot, 7 uo,,ldl,,t kpoxy w vhaf tn do with