The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-08-21

n bohN y bloii boy NhihV piNhSi wv" 'N''S
Hee failed to locke vp in the trees.
Now, wasn't hys heedlessnesse crewelly
AS naughty as naughty can bee?
This poem you see, might have been twice
Had he stept & lookt vp in that tree.
Washington Post.
THERE are those who like the Engl sh
sparrows. We refer to the cats.-B0ston
Herald.
You can not always tell the amount of
gas in a poem by its meter-Bdltinore
american.
ALTHOUGH I'm stuck up, l am not
proud" as the fly said when he crawled out
of the molasses pitcher.
PRINTERS types are not quarresome as
general thing but we have seen a quad
rangle.-PHtsburg Chronicle.
THE King of the Cannibal Islands used
to have many domestic broils when he
cooked his servants.-iiotet Mail.
BREAK the news gently" said a train
robber to his pal, as they pulled down the
telegraph wires.-Norning Journal.
A WESTERN paper refers to another as g
wild blizzard in assertion and dead calm
in argument" There's no use talking
In the restaurant-Gus: Is that West
phalia ham you are eating?" Fitz: No, it
came from Vermont it is an Eastfailure. -
.Putsburg Bulletin.
IT is great deal easier to write a vivid
love-letter of sixteen pages than it is to
hear it read two years afterward in court
lSOmercHie journal.
UMPIRE "Three balls" Mr.. Mosenstein ::
" Hey, key! Hear dat vot he say den?'
Ikey; " Keep still, vader. You is givin'
yourself away. "-TimeS.
WINKs: Were you ever stage-struck?"
Blinks: Well, yes, you might call it that.
/ was knocked down by an omnibus once in
New York. "-LoceH Citizen.
A TEXAS woman attacked her husband
with pair of scissors and in short order
he discovered that he was cut out for an
angel.-IhttcbhlSon (Kdn.) News.
GOVERNOR FORAKER of Ohio says that he
never did anything he need feel ashamed
Of We are also glad that we are not as
other men are.-New York Herald.
STEVE BRoDIE plunged over the Paw
tucket Falls yesterday and failed to break
his neck The long-suffering American
public is in poor luck.-Neio York Herald.
ST. PETER: "I do not recognize you.
What is that bundle under your arm?'
Mortal: Only the earth. /" St.
Peter: "Walk right in, Mr.. Gouldl"-Ljfe.
THE chances are that two wings will be
added to the White House as a result of
Mrs. Harrison's suggestions. These ought
to make 1t an angelic reSldence.-BOStOn
Herald.
The little girl who wrote on her examina-
ton paper, " The interior of Africa is prin-
cipally used for purposes of exploration, !"
was wiser than she hought.-Bdltimore
american.
ACCEPTED sUIToR: "Won't you find it
awkward when you meet your other two
husbands in heaven" Interesting widow
" do not expect to meet either of them
there. '-Lite.
If the location of the kingdom of heaven
were about to be changed a Chicago drum
mer would be at the pearly gates in twenty
four hours Offering inducements.-St. LouiS
Globe-Democrdt.
WERE you carefully brought up, young
man ~ said the merchant to an applicant
for position in his establishment. eyes,
sir, he replied, q came up on the ele-
vator '-BoSton Post.
THE international cruelty to animals con-
gress in Paris has decided not only against
the check REIN but against blink ers, bits
and whips. All this is calculated to make
horse laugh.-Boston Herald
ONE argument advanced in favor of New
York for the worlds fair is that there are
more sights there than in any other city in
the Union. Most of them, however, are
sites of unfinished monuments -OHdhd Re
publicdn.
MOTHER (suspiciously): If you haven t
been in swimming how did your hair get so
wet?" Little Dick: THAT s perspiration-
runnin' away from bad boys wot wanted
me to dsobey you an 60 in swimmn'.'-
NeW York Weekly.
AS an illustration of the progress and 60
aheadedness of our country, it may be men
toned that the seventeen-year locust"
which appeared only twice in thirty-four
years half century ago, now visits us
annually.-NorriStolCn Herdld.
XnuNr ladies W cora mara for n road
husband than for some young scion of the
chimpanzee family with more money than
sense, should emigrate to Tacoma, instead
of wasting their time at eastern Watering
places Minneapolis Pioneer Press.
TENNYsoN has horror of the biographer.
He keeps no diary and has destroyed his
correspondence and all records of it, He is
reported to have said to friend recently;
When | am dead | will take good care
they shall not rip me mp like pig
WHAT on earth is the matter with that
razor" shouted the victim, as he writhed
in the BARRIERS chair. Deed, sab, dere
isn't muffin de mattah wuf the raZah, but
yoh whiskahs sutny acks ez eff deyed bin
nickel-plated, - Washington Cdpddl
HUSBAND Ckindly): My dear, you have
nothing decent to wear, have you?" Wife
with alacrity): No, indeed, | haven't, not
thing. I'd be ashamed to be seen any
where My very newest party dress has
Yes, that's just what told Blifkins when
he offered me two tickets for the opera to.
night. knew II took them they'd only
be wasted. So just got one. Well, must
hurry. "-LondoB Exchange.
AN undergraduate of oxford University
was taking detachment of strangers
round to see the sights, and when he had
exhausted the chapels and clustered shades
he brought them into the quadrangle of his
own college. There is only one thing left
for you to see," he said. Look there
that is the window of my college tutor
As the young man spoke, he picked up
pebble from the path and sent it crashing
through the pane of glass, An elderly gen
tleman, in cap and gown, put his head out
and shook his fist. " thought that would
bring him out" exclaimed the undergradu
ate in triumph, That, ladies and gentle
men, is my tutor himself "-Pick- Ue-Up.
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