The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1889-11-20
WEDNESDAY, November 20, 1883.
ICAarleston Sunday Budget
BILL NYE.

charleston Sunday Budget
BILL NYE.
Sealed Proposals from American Girls
Misunderstanding Clothes" Furnish
ed by the Trust TO the Hig!i-born Pau.
pers of Europe-Op Options Oh Twenty III
tiles Already Secured.
Money viii buy almost everything
but confentment and history. When
we seek to purchase these articles,
there is bound to be more or less dis
satisfaction. We may buy the armor
of dead crusaders and bring to Mil
wankee the windnills and memorial
windows of the deceased past, but
the glory that accumplates about an
old and honored name and the content
which follows duty we'll done cannot
be bought at any price.
Lately, however, an attempt has
been occasionally made to swap the
American dollar for the foreign title
and with more or less success. The
great trouble seems to be that the
djsagreeable details and prehminaries
cost more than the title. Acting on
this suggestion, have decided to es-
tablish Title Trust and Intelligence
Office with branches IN New YORK,
London, and Paris. Promoters will
aid the trust in the heretofore dlsa-
greeable task of swapping currency
for titles, so that the long tedious loo
of roofing about among the ruins OF
old families all over Europe for high
bred paupers, may be almost entirely
avoided.
Again, as it is now, titled young
men abroad do not market themselves
with the same skill or to the same sd.
vantage that they might if they would
establish and maintain rates. Titled
people, like literary people, do not
know how to get the best prices for
their wares, and so lose good bar
gains.
Now, my idea is to buy up all the
broken-down bachelors who are titled,
with the understanding that each IS to
fornish an abstract OF title to the trust
and bind himself to stand ready to
respond to a cable or night message
and marry such person or persons as
the board of directors shall have de-
eided upon.
Marrying clothes will be furnished
by the treasurer on an order from
the board, countersigned by the pres
ideht. A circular now being prepar-
ed for circulation this winter through
seminaries and next summer at the
watering places, will more fully set
forth the plan of the association.
We already have options on nearly
twenty titles which will give us good
start and place the scheme on its feet.
All business will be done on per
centage, VIZ: percentage from the
bride and also a percentage on the
dowry at the time of its payment to
the groom. We also have the names
as descriptions, together with certi-
agsazsassslaase or four Ameri-
can young women who ass aax. .szaaae
ming our goods and who hope to deal
With US.
I am not permitted to use names
and SO haEe.substituted fictitious ones
in the description here given, but l
will print briefly few words regard
ing our list both of names in stock,
and probable purchasers.
Miss Cynthia Swatthammer, the
only daughter of Col. Jasper Swat.
hammer, a wealthy manufacturer and
.upholsterer of Swatthammer's Maroon
Colored Sausage, for internal use, will
offer in certified check or approved
paper, $25O,OO0 for new or second
band duke in good repair. She is FIVE
feessnine inches high, wita solrcl hair
and perfectly sound. She cannot cook
or sing much, but is good roadster
and has dog with which to begin
housekeeping. She is very fond of
pets but her teeth are still good.
Miss Perlie Briggs, an only child
aged 47 years, will trade good cattle
ranch and d tough old heart for a
bright little duke who does not know
very much. She is ssdark completed" :"
she says, and loves her home. She
has Lice head of range cattle and
has just received an invoice OF choice
Texas trail cattle. She gets along
well without affection and sits jauntily
in the saddle with one heel under
each flank of her horse. For FIVE
years she rode unarmed over the
plains hoping to be captured by some
lawless man, but as soon as the law
less men saw her they went to another
She can hold Texas COW
with one hand and milk her with the
other, and she sometimes sings lit
tie, accompanying herself on the ac-
cordeon.
: Miss Violet Beard would be willing
to. trade a cranberry marsh IN Burnett
county, Wisconsin, for a count who
loves his home and knows how to pick
cranberries for market and run er-
rands. The marsh would be delivered
at the altar If desired. It is well fitted
up with cabins for pickers, and nicely
arranged for flooding the vines during
the summer. Miss Beard is four feet
nine inches i'll height, and wears a
corset that would fit a borse or q bee
hive very well indeed. She has had
little. schooling, but is self-lnade, with
the exception Of her Sunday toupee,