Iuka reporter. (Iuka, Miss.) 1888-1894, 1889-03-21

VA | u ~
Y -
THOUGHT HE WOULD DO.
The Funeral Director-Well, sir2
Mr. Tholp-My sister promised to
pay the parlor organ for the choir, but
she's taken i'll, aud thought I'd come
round in her place.
THE BARRIERS CONFESSION.
Polite am |, but seldom let
chance to cut a friend escape;
And though am man of peace
oft am looking for a scrape
Life
ONE KIND OF LOGIC.
Pedaoogue-If one diamond is worth
! fifty dollars, how much are five dia.
monds worth7
Boy-Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Pedagogue-Correct.
Thus we are taught in childhood many
things that we have to unlearn in ma
turity. -Jepeysrs' Weekly.
AN ATHLETIC DUDE.
First Manikin-Tm going in fob ath-
| letics, Gawge
Second Manikin-Don't say so, oil
chappie.
First M.--Got to do it; doctah ordahs
it.
| Second Whatever going in fob
First MI fawncy will try rolling
my own cigarettes. --America.
THE MARRIAGE IS OFF.
Raker Ito Miss Brown, who is aged
| thirty Sc, Ell, and as rich as she is not
loyely)-Miss Eva, l love you, adore
yotf. Will you he mine2
Miss Eva (bIushing)-Yes.
Raker-Oh, you dear old girl
l. CHANCE.
The reader who's in search of fame
May think the way is dark;
Yet the man who cannot sign his name
Is the one who makes his mark
PLEASANT FOR THE POET.
'There is one thing about my poem"
said the poet. ''the editor said it was
very compact.
II think he must have meant that it
was like very wet SNOWFALL, rather
slushy, ell I"
THREE THINGS LACKING.
Bagley-Don't you think that Miss
Barrows has pretty face, Clara
Clara-She would have but for three
things
Bagley- What are they
Clara A crooked nose, homelv
mouth, and dull eyes. Miss Barrows'
ears are very pretty. -Horper's Baaar.
WHAT JOHNNY WOULD SAY.
"Now, Johnny" said the teacher,
"what Scriptural quotation would you
use If somebody should call Jimmy a
foole You remember, 'He that call
eth"
F, Johnny-Oh, | know. "The truth
should not be spoken at all times. -Bos-
ton 7imasnipt.
HAD FAITH IN THE HYMN BOOK.
A story is told of an old clergyman
who had the most unbounded faith in
] Watts hymn book. He was fond of
saying that lie could never open at any
page without finding an appropriate
hymn, A mischievous son of his
thought it would be a good thing to test
his fathers faith. So he took an old
song and pasted 1t on one OF the pages
OF the book, over hymn, SO nicely that
IT could not be easily detected. At
1 church one Sabbath morning the minis
/, ter happened to open on that very page,
and commenced to read: "Old Grimes
! is Dead. There was sensation in the
audience. He looked ut the choir, and
they looked at him; but such was his
faith i'll Wits hymns that he under
! took 1t again, commencing with the same
4 line, There Was another sensation in
the audience. Looking at it again, and
i then at tue congregation and at the choir,
{ he said; Brethren, it is here in regular
order in Watts hymn book, and we will
sing it anyhow"
HOME CONVERSATION.
"What makes You so late tonight,
Johna" asked his wife.
II stopped at Tatt-rsalls for little
while to talk horse; horses are cheap
now"
why don't you stay home and talk
horse You know very well how anxious
Clara is for pony and phaeton. "-New
York Sun.
PRETTY CLOSE.
| Madeleine. Wasn't it hot at the
Johnson's last night Fred johnson and
had to go out on the piazza, the air
got so close"
Marguerite (pleasantly)-"Didn' the
heir get pretty close out there, too?"
as ~
t4 AS,.as4.2H