The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-05-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Post haste-The fast mail.
''Yery shocking earthquake.
Forever ION the jump'-The toad.
\ green conspiracy-The grass plot.
Debilitated time-A clock run down.
Takes in the whole range-Thc
kitchen.
The Chinaman says that marriage is
the splice of life.
The more man raises his beard, tire
further down it gets.
The people who never get right in this
world are those who get left.
The less head a man has the more FIRE
quenty he loses it.-Biizzard.
Among dead languages the French wen class:
No language has more murdered been, alas!
Judge.
Love-making is one of the arts in
cess.
He said in tones of sorrow,
No Friends in needn for me.
The friends that want TO borrow
| do not wish to see.
A scarf-pin shield that will protect its
wearer from ENHANCEMENT with girls
hair would be a boon to mankind.
elerS' Weekly.
A debating society is debating the
following important question: ''If man
builds a corn crib does that give him a
right to crib corn?"
a Western undertaken advertses that
he furnishes ''every requisite for fun
eral." He must be doctor as well as an
undertaker.-SytiagS.
"a mean mangn exclaimed Captain
Norris, Il should say so. Why, if you
were to put Il rat-trap in his mouth,
baited with a nickel, you'd catch his
soul"
Stranger Ito cashier. in restauranD-
SIS the proprietor in?" Cashier-''No,
sir; he has gone out to get something to
eat. Back in a few minutes, sir. -
Ne'O York. Sun.
George-"Won't you be mine, dearl"
Clara-"I think should have to be hard
pressed indeed to take you" George
equal to the emergency)-"Oh, if that's
all, here goes. .'-Maasoy's Weekly.
"Do you think your son has the neces-
sary qualifications to become an artist."
I'm sure Of it. He can do without food
for three days and he knows the position
of every free lunch in the city. y."-Lite.
"Do your shopping early in the morn
ing says New York fashion paper
This may be good advice, but it is rather
hard on the saesgirs, as it will prevent
them from exchanging condolences con
cerning the social experiences of the
previous evening.
At Kansas wedding the other day the
brides father gave the happy couple q
check for $3.50. The urbane bridegroom
raised the check to $500 and started of
ON a solitary wedding tour. Another case
Of "Where is my wandering boy to-
nightE'-Bg6a'0 Elpress.
He-"Whcre's my bootiack, Maria:"
She-"Oh! must you use itl What a pity!
I've covered it with pink satin and painted
a spray of wild flowers ON it, and hung it
up in the parlor by long satin bows. What
a pity one can't be artistic without having
everything spoiled. .'-Jadge.
Munagcr.-"I don't like the dude IN
your play Author-''What's the mat
ter with HING "IIe is not sufficiently
stupid. You must throw more idocX and
imbecility into the role of the dude, for
there will be lot of experts from Fifth
avenue in the audience. Moo York Mr-
cuy.
A Disappointed Husband Citizen Cat
fiorist'sl-'' Have you any plants with
bugs ON them" Florist-"No, indeed
/ don't keep such things Citizen dds
appointedlyJ was in hopes YOU did
My wife never let, me smoke in the house
except when there are bugs on the plants.
-Bmiiagt3g ff6e Press.
School Teacher 60 new pupiD-"We
are taught in the Bible that when some
one smites us ON one cheek we should
turn the other 10 him, Isn't that a beau
timl Sentimoutl' "Ycs, ma ann. ''Now,
if Charley Jones were TO smitc yo, on one
cheek what would you do;' I'D pound
l.r to,, of his head off %