Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-10-06
IF 1 WERE YOU"

! Lines Suggested by an Incident In a
Sacramento Cafe.
| In certain coffee house not thousand
miles from Sacramento are two young
ladies-one the prophecies, the other an
assistant. One morning the assistant ap-
I peared in loose white basque, with sew
eral tell tale rents in the sleeves. Conceal
ing the kitchen doorway from the patrons
OF the place is handsome Oriental screen,
covered with golden pheasants beautiful
flowers and graceful foliage plants, and
rushes. Behind this screen, sheltered from
the intrusive gaze of the vulgar, the young
ladies are in the habit of holding pseudo
confidential conversations. Not long since
habitue of the coffee parlor overheard the
following dialogue, in that playful, banter
ing tone of voice that has most bewitch-
ing effect when the voices are sweet and
girlish, as in the present case, and which re-
mind one of the innocent antics of two
frolicsome kittens:
"If were you 1 think I'd sew my
basque"
eff were you l would lot care straw
what men might think or say"
"If | were you l wouldn't be an old
maid" etc.
IF WERE YOU.
By a Busted Bohemian.l
If were you, I'd teach my hand maid sewing,
To mend her basque when cleaning arms
show through
To place a rose upon her breast, thus showing
woman's sense artistic-were you.
If L were you, II place knot of ribbons
Some modest shade o. crimson or of blue
At her white throat, that even Cardinal Glib
bonS
Would deem her fair-I would if were Won.
If were you, a clock should be adjoining
My walls Ia small alar-"um' clock would dol,
To tell each watchless patron time o. morning,
(or piece OF bed" ticking''), if were you.
The clock is best, for then each thirsty conner
Can see its face when yours ne cannot view;
And, tho your own reflects the smiles of sum-
mer
clock has springs-Pd buy one, were you.
If I were you, I'd raise that d-m(ask) curtain,
Or, would leave little bit askew
That Orient screen-I would, would, Pm Ger.
That is, were l a women fair as you
If were you, when young man unsteady
From an "all-night" out in the dam(pj cold
dew,
Comes in and orders coffee. twould be ready,
And screeching hot, you bet-if were you.
II I were you, when one who raves about you,
VINO sings your praises all the long night
Who tells chaste Luna he can't live without
When he comes would serve him-were
If were you, I'd not be so disdainful,
"a treat him civil, give him kind smiles Ia
And then, sweet good morning makes less
painful
Ones prosy life I would if were you.
If were you, when autumn nights are pleas
ant,
And, like some reveler the moon is "fIlll.,
I'd walking go, TO see what friends at present
Are wand ring lonely would, were you
If were you and someone asked to take me
To the the alter, some bright star to view,
I'd whisper 'yes'-I would, or you might bake
Boil me or stew me, if / wouldn't-wouldn't
you?
| If were you wouldn't question closely
What faults he had, nor ask what folks he
knew
Before he met me; he might lie-for mostly
Young fellows dol wouldn't, nor would you
wouldn't ask II, in the Mayflower sailing,
His ancestors came DER the waters blue;
Maybe they didn't, tho with loud bewailing
They wish they had-Pd go, II / were YOU
If were YOU wouldn't ask if honest,
II he drank or smoked, tine-cut or plug die
chew
Stayed out o nights, and spend his money non
eSt,
But l would trust him (c. o. DIFF l were
you.
If were you-but pshawl what use of writing
I'd not be sitting here, alone and blue
In this dim attic, rhymes to you inditing
Nor signing like a cow-if l were you'll
But if l l0ere you, I d not long be single
(Altho' the parson transforms one from two)
| I'd prove such mathematics wouldn't mingie
Or fso, would be that one-if were you
| RALPH TURNER.
Sacramento, September. 1889.