The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-05-11

aOu Jney Inuot uOI Dc iOlOS etTOo " 'AS
garrett either, until his fancy for UNI
brella stands has faded to be replaced
by something else. hardware or music
stools, as the case may be. This man,
by the way, is at the head OF a flourish
ing business house, and he is con-
sidered sensible and thoroughly prac-
tical except for this weakness, which
has earned for him the nickname OF
General Plurality"
A good old lady who was born with
silver spoon in her mouth. has all
her life envied poor women their wash
tub. To do ones own washing she
considers the greatest privilege that
could fall to the lot of q human being.
This is not one of the fancies of old
age, for it has been her pet hobby all
her life. Now she sits propped up in
pillows ali day long, and the only way
to induce her to take her medicine is
to place dolls wasI&ub on the satin
coyerlet and let her trife with u few
pieces Of muslin on her miniature wash
board.
Every physician, and indeed every
person occupying public position, is
familiar with the crank possessed Of a
letter-writing fever, the epistolary
crank who delights in sending closely
written sheets of foolscap paper to busy
people on subjects which frequently
they can't make head or tail OF.
Here are few extracts from the
scrap-book OF au eminent oculist in this
city:
"NEw YORK, Jan. 90, 1882.
"Dear Sir: On December 20 last 1 had the
misfortune to break my artificial eye. The alb
sence of my folks in the country this winter;
the fact til at had been unemployed for two
months and was without ready money, together
with an Indebtedness of two weeks rent all
tended TO distress me. In my dilemma CON
Guided to deprive myself OF the consolation
which music affords l. C., luy organ
Then follows Il tedious account of the
amount required for storage, and he
continues:
1.-THE Goth of January Is fast approaching.
Being still out of employment, fear if 1 do not
raise S22 shall forfeit the Instrument. dare
not appeal to my folks. No; they gave me the
organ, which originally cost S23j wide enclosed
cut, style b..
Two pages further on he modestly
requests the physician to release the
organ for him.
A long and wearisOme letter from a
man with whom this physician was
slightly acquainted ends with the fol-
lowing choice extract:
81 went to Colorado two years ago aud spent
u year, Doctor, ION account of domestic infclicty
I'm sorry to say. Doctor. My wife than went
to divorce State and procured IL divorce from
me. ! simply thought to make her miss me,
Doctor, and awaken her affection. In this was
disappointed. ! returned to my home when my
urgent appeals appeared futile. / have been
very lonely at times. But that is passing off. =
In another long work Of art II youth
expresses himself in this ingenious
fashion:
Thus hearing of and approaching your great
knowledge and consequent power l thought
would write to you. lam working at present in
a grocery store, bat my ambition in life is to be
u doctor. Now, If you could have me in your
office would work very hard for small com
pensation and lesson in medicine. Hoping
you Will be kind enough to answer this letter
before Jnc emu Oh next WeCR Will now COlue W
a close"
Here is letter tinged with CHASTITY
humor. Unlike the preceding ones il is
short and can be quoted in full:
Sir: ! notice by the New York - that
you wish TO make post-mortem examination
of u defunct Boiler Maker 1 have been a
Boiler Maker in active business for thirty
years. but at present am patient i'll this inst-
tuition suffering from phthisis pulmonaS, with
every probability of shutting OFF this mortal
coil ere long. If you would like my c2da, er for
future but uncertain delivery. please state wha
price you will give for !t cash down. l will give
you lien on my corpus subject 10 your own
risk
DO not initiate us Boiler Makers by turning
deaf ear to my proposal.
Yours till death and afterward.
One day Il man called ut this physi-
clans office and requested to sec him.
On being told that he must wait, as a
number of patients were there ahead of
him, he scrubbed this note on q, scrap
of paper and went away:
Il detected the physical destruction of the
planet now pending. The recurring earth
quaies and abnormal ice foes are physical
signs of the catastrophe. l wish 10 explain it
to you with the view of the professors of the
school giving me a hearing, as / believe have
discovered remedy which II generally applied
may save the lives Of all now endangered"
This was the last heard of Hmm.
Y. Tribune.