Morning journal and courier., 1889-02-08
TITLES HH FLORIDA.
Acquired fin Several Other Ways Than
 by Actual Military Service.

by Actual Military Service.
 From the Detroit Free Pressl
 ''I say, lad" said 6 bewildered English
 man to his friend, after leaving certain ho- tel, where he had been introduced to bak- CTS dozen of decidedly unnartial looking off, fcers. 'I say, lad, is this hotel or bloody old fortf'
 General in the highest title known in the Land of Flowers. In some few cases men are called that because they nobody in par- ticular, and this designation is absolutely needed to preserve their identity. Some of these gentlemen. however, won a minor title on various battle fields in the Indian, Mex ico, and oival wars-for Florida is a land of hghters-and have since been promoted var ious steps by the courteous hospitality of
 their neighbors. The only time I have ever known this rank to be bestowed in all it's primitive beauty upon one who had never even smelt gunpowder, in it's most arbitrary condition, was upon @ wellknown gambler His benign appearance, silvery hair, and long, white, venerable beard seemed to indi- cate his fitness more for the Sunday school and church sociable than for the faro table, AS he was man of six feet two inches in height and 250 pounds in weight, it might have been thought that great rank was De- cullarly compatible with great stature. A IT an Of line, large appearance and great wealth might come to Florida, even in this enlightened day, and after years constant IesiOence auo soHe olncQlty Tn retaining foretime citizenship. When the title of gen. eral is, as is the case now, bestowed upon cal low youngsters who have grown up since wars alarms thrilled the land, it in some de. gree loeses it's distinctive honor and becomes melancholy travesty on the pomp and cir cumstance of glorious war.
 It is in the crop of colonels, however, that Florida challenges the civilized world. There is no town or settlement in the State, how ever humble it origin, or timid it's reality, but boasts of at least enough colonels to deck out 8 moderatesiZed festive assemblege. Those who have earned the title on the field of Mars are disgusted at being utilized in the general classification. But it can't be helped. Every lawyer in the State of any prominence is a colonel. When he reaches that point his promotion stops. He has at- tained the acme of all earthly mbition. Go to any country town when court is in session. and leaving out the Judge, the entire Bar may answer to the sobriquet of ''Colonel," if you ask them to take 8 drink.
 was much amazed one day when walking down the main street of one of our interior towns. Seven men were walking down the same street just ahead of me. The bartender of the most popular saloon in town, as they passed, run out and called after their retreat ing backs-"Oh, Colonel"
 The whole posse turned back, the bartend- CT stopped them. sI don't mean you, Col. Johnson, or Col. Brown; I mean you, Col. Smith"
 Col. John son, an old grizzled veteran of the late war, growled out: ''There is so many d-d colones in this d-d town that a real one never knows when he is called"
 Newspaper men, that is, editors, are al- ways colonel. To forget that in addressing them is a breach of etiquette not very readily forgiven.
 In the orange growing country the title
 business has rather shifting tendency, al- though man with good bearing grove is sl- most sure to be dubbed colonel. If you ever meet one, and forget his first name, you are not liable to commit any mistake in be- slowing the title upon him.
 Hotel-keepers, as general thing, rank as colonels, although it might be ss we'll to feel the way cautiously at first.
 Cotton planters giving employment to ! large numbers of negroes, and having good financial credit, are not always colonels, but when in doubt be sure and play the trump, The habit has it's pathetic es well as anus | ing sides. Imagine 8 hollow-chested fellow ] of five feet nothing. splay-footed and bow legged, staggering through life a colonel, or man notoriously henpecked masquerad ! ing in 6 like manner. The fckleness of fort une here receives empathic corroboration. The spectacle of @ colonel milking balky COW or sweeping out dilapidated grocery store is not calculated to excite emulation or awe in the bosom of the rising generation. There are very few majors in Florida, and most of them have bona fde right to the title. have great respect for them, for they are mostly genuine good fellows, fond of their rum and quiet game of poker. They make good citizens, father pretty good- | sized babies, and are generally stanch pill lars of some church or other. When you find major who has never worn sword or set a squadron in the field, he is very apt to | be colonel reduced one grade during some | temporary alteration of public sentiment. ! Real estate agents are the only ones outside | of war record who have a recognized right to the title of major.
 All commanders of any kind of craft are | called captains, railway conductors, | ticket and insurance agents. Sometimes the l title is bestowed upon bartenders, and here it degenerstes into "cap." It is title not | much sought after. and yet it is the only l one that in time of peace entities the owner ! to uniform and the gold and tinssl of civ | liked display.