Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1889-01-20


better to rise after the dessert and serve
coffee IN the drawing room. In some
houses smoking is allowed in the dining
room, in others smoking room is apart
from the rest OF the house. The practice
OF the ladies retiring first Is an English
one-the Russians ard French con-
slider it barbarous. 1T is, how
ever, the custom III the best
houses of New York, Boston and Wash
ingtOn, and il is a question If the ladies
do not like it as well as the gentlemen.
They enjoy little chat by themselves.
So many questions refer to the same
subject that we may as well group them.
At least half the questions refer to the
great topic: How shall we get into
society," 1t is a curious phase of the
present condition of American etiquette
that certain people seem to imagine that
society is a room with a door, which is
closed with Chubb lock, and If they can
only get the combinations of that lock
they can get into society 1t is more
like fort defended with great guns.
One needs tact, good manners and much
assistance TO get into society Still, rs
fortress is no stronger than its weakest
point, so there are many weak points in
strike a blow Those get i'll who often
might better have been kept out.
We are on sliding scale in America.
No one knows with thorough eXacti-
tude where he stands. Socially, where
he is to-day he may not be tomorrow.
The social aspect Of New York changes
every ten years. If person have as
sumption, arrogance, DretenSe, he may
assume to be a great person, and may by
his manner hurt the feelings of some
modest person. We call such a person a
snob, - and he deserves the odiOuS
name, yet he may be social expert and
prove Il very great hindrance to any
modest person IS entrance into society.
The highest born and most dis
tinguished persons in England and on the
continent have the best manners. a
king or a prince would be ashamed Of
bad manners, but as yet there is no such
scOrn of them in America. Our breed
ing has not got so high as that, therefore
people often find the worst bred people
among the so-called fashionable set.
The lady who is fully satisfied as to her
birth and breeding, who has had respect
able ancestors, and who has always lived
in the best society, is never afraid to bow
first, to call first, and to treat everyone
is the most beautiful of virtues, that po-
likeness is one of the most Christian of
graces. She never insults anybody. But
her next-doOr neighbor, who may, al
though rich, have very poor blood in her
veins, and who may not be at all sure-i in
her own mind that she deserves to be in
society-she viii affect to not know those
whom she has once known; she will ig-
more her own past; she will make it diff
cult for the modest newcomer TO sue
coed; she is vulgar snob, no matter
where she happens TO stand in the ranks
of fashion.
"To get in on society involves much
that cannot be written down, that it is
to formulate rules. 1t is quite
safe to say, however much YOU may wish
to succeed, do not push, do not do any
thing which betTays lack of self-respect.
Do your part toward getting well intro
duced and then do all you can toward
the pleasures of your set and leave the
rest to fate Some people are always
laughed at Some are wTongfully put
down. Some are mysteriously success
full. No one can tell why, but certain it
is that no one loses anything by mod
est, serene courtesy, civility which
never flags and a good temper, a willing
ness 10 put the DeSJ CONSTRUCTION
ard Interpretation upon the attitude
of society For many OF the social eel
Z Sights which patient merit of the I'M
worthy takes come fr9m an over
crowded social life. popular person, a
social leader, soon becomes a person of
many engagements, and with much more
to do than she can do properly. We !
would say to the neOphyte in society, |
forgive such a person Il long time for any |
seeming incivility; remember that she |
cannot always have time to attend to !
you Nor is she always able to remem-
Der n new face. Therefore be not afraid |
to impress yourself on such a person by |
your excellent manners, your readiness
TO forgive, and by acts of civility that |
are modestly offered that they cannot be |
called pushing.
These acts will never be mistaken for |
if neither of you are snobs.
The same gentlemen, with proper !
assume that it is not their place |
TO bow TO a lady unless they have been
Introduced and unless she has bowed to
hem, but here they are wrong The
mistake may arise from too great re-
;pect, but it is mistake; lady is never
offended if a gentleman raises his hat to
Ter She is offended, and properly so,
f she is receiving at any public place
We will say the White house-and he
passes her without bowling, which he
ought to do 1t has the sanction Of Sir
Walter Raleigh.
NJ f. W. SHERWOOD.