The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1889-08-30
SUMNER VISITORS.


Jams Ferm-A Lawn Tennis Incident
"I used TO think was farmer" re-
marked Uncle William as he started to
kill five chickens for dinner, "but since
my relatives and my wifes relatives and
their relatives and our many friends took
to comm here to spend their summer
vacations l begin TO think amt farmer
any more. | dunno. Keepin' hotel and
restrunt, and house of refuge, and orphan
asylum, and insanitarium may be farm
in, but it didn't use to be.
early last month my wife's sister and
her husband and his brother and his
brothers wife and the children of both
families come down from the city with
about two cords Of trunks and an appe-
tite for garden sass that me and mother
and the hired man amt been able to
more'n half satisfy. Then my sister and
her husband, who is sufferin' from gen.
eral debility or suthin', and their chill
dren and a nurse dropped in on us and
commenced tellin' what a perfectly de-
lightful farm we was runnin'. Then
Lucy's feller and couple of dudes that
used to tend college with Thomas piled
In on us. Then cousin of my wife's
brother-in-law and an old feller that said
he was friend of my fathers blew in,
and few days ago chap came along
that said he had patent dingus for
ketchin' potato bugs by machinery that
he'd like to trade off for board through
the summer. l said l guessed I'd ketch
'em by hand this season and that my ho-
tel and restrunt was just about chock up
at the present time.
"In fact, don't know how we could
crowd in any more jest now. When me
and mother went to the city, one time,
they put us up four flights of stairs, and
felt kindly sorry we couldn't be just as
perlite when they come to see us, but
our house amt but two stories high and
we didn't have time to raise the roof, so
we done the best we could. Some on
'em we chucked in the spare room, some
on em in the side room, some on 'em in
the hall, and some on 'em in the garret.
Lucy's feller has had to sleep on the
pianer, the college dudes sleep In the
woodshed, and me and the hired man
sleep in the granery. Cyrus and Thomas
and Henry take their lodgin' in the
straw stack, and mother and Lucy lodge
with LENS folks. never knew what It
was before to run summer resort. 1t
beats conference. and camp meetin's all
holler.
"They all said they was just dyin' to
see us, and reckoned they was the way
they took hold of the provisions. Me and
the hired man and the boys spend an
hour every morning digging potatoes,
shelling green peas and pickin' chickens
for the crowd, while mother pieces out
the table every day or two TO make room
for extras
"The visitors is all the time complain
in about their appetites, but l notice
that our potatoes, and our green peas,
and our chickens, and our garden sass is
In purity steady demand all the time,
and that our milk amt sent to the. fac
tory any more. The college dudes and
Lucy's feller and the children constitoot
the milk factory.
"There is some amusin' things takes
place ON the farm when the visitors is
here. I think l must tell you jest one
Lucy's feller and the college dudes was
playin' what they call lawn tennis out in
the COW pastur one day when Bill Green
fields big red critter, Nose, strolled along
that way and commenced gain at 'em
earnestly through the cracks in stone
fence. Me and the hired man was watch
in Of him from the potato field and we
could see he felt hurt about suthin.
"The boys was waltzin' around the pas
tur' with their white coats and panties
on and when at the height of their en-
joyment Nose backed up and started.
never saw lawn tennis when it looked
more thrillin'. Me and the hired man
jest stood there and watched three
streaks of white and streak of bright
red railroad it across the farm, the red
gradually approachin' the white and
danger signals all along the line. Lucys
feller had the longest legs and COM
menced to look fer butternuts In the top
of tall tree, but the college boys
couldn't trot SO fast, and was assisted by
Nose to a reserve seat in the black
berry patch. When it comes to red and
white colors In a race of this kind you
want to put your money on the red mos
generally.
"Runnin' a summer resort Is powerful
expensive, but there's some things kinder
excitin and interestin' about 1t once in
while and guess we'll stand it through
the season.'-B. II. Colegrove in James
town IN. " Sun.
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