Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-10-29
HUMOROUS YARNS.

wFnN WilberfQros wa candidate for Parliament his brilliant sister offered new gown to the Wife of every freeman who would vote foy her brother, on which cry was raised' "Miss Wilberforce for ever." She replied: II thank you, gentlemen, but l can not agree with you. do not wish to bs Miss Wilberforce for ever."
 met at old Frank Smiths coffee house, in Garrick Fair lane, Cambridge. Homer on the occasion was In g very grumpy and re- tiring mood. At length Parr broke out with: ssHomer's odd, see'' (Odyssey). Alb thorpe quickly followed with: ssHomer's i'll, add" Qliad). Homer grumpily observed: 'That's above par'' (Parr).. :, DR A. T. PERSON, in some pithy practi- cal hints on pulpit oratory, says that to be winning Is to be wise, but 1t must not be overdone. He has 8 friend, an evangelist, who got into the habit of calling his audi. ence s'dear souls." Inadvertently he would say, as he passed from place to place, .sdear Belfast souls, i" "dear Dublin souls''- and before he knew it he was saying, ''dear Cork souls !" which convulsed his Irish audi ence.
 THERE Is story told of Q lady who one day went to call on Fuseli, . painter, who, when there was need for 1t, could express himself with emphasiA Her ceaseless chatter did not allow him to get In even . word edgeways. At last pause to take breath gave him time to say: TWO had boiled mutton and turnips for dinner to- day" "What strange observation, MT. Fusehw exclaimed the lady. ''Why," he said, eft is as good as any thing you have been saying for the last two hours."
 HANDEL's most faithful friend and ad- mirer of his music was George H., who more than once advanced him sums of one thousand pounds sterling to carry on his unfortunate undertakings. An habftue met Lord Chesterfield coming out of Covent Garden Theater one evening in the middle of a performance. "What, my Lord" said the dilettante, lis there not an oratoriot'' performing, but thought 1t best to retire lest should disturb the King in his l privacy"
 DANIEL PURCELL, the Hibernian punster, happening to pass when . great mob o1 spectators were assembled to see culprit on his way to his execution at Tyburn, asked a gentleman who was standing in the crowd what was the name of the person about to be hanged7 He answered.: ''One Vowel" "Ahr' said Purcell "Do you
 know which of them 1t Is, for there are the other, 'I do not" 'sWell," said the
 wag, ''this, however, Is certain, and l am
 very glad of it, that 1t is neither U nor l." l A STORY is told about one of the members l of the Flint Union Blues while the Michigan
 State troops were in camp. The story Is
 also vouched for for its veracity. One o1 l the members of the r. U. B.'s was doing
 guard duty, and while at his post a gentle
 man came along, and the boys along the
 line did their best at saluting the passer-by
 Noticing that the Flint youth gave nc
 salute, the man asked him why he did not
 salute as the other soldiers had done
 'sDidn't have to-" came the unsatisfactory
 reply. ''But you saw your comrades didi'
 "Well, I don't salute every gol darned
 farmer that passes along these parts, sir, ii
 they do," came the reply. "Do you know
 me, Governor, just once."