Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-05-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

First girl lin an intelligence Office
=" Dye think that Teddy will be aisy to git
along wild !" Second girl" Yis, she's a
regular fool."-Ne,o York Weekly.
Fair shopper Gin great store There,
this novel will do. Don't wrap it up"
Clerk" Don't wrap it up? ''No, in
deed. Fll sit down here and read it to
kill time while waiting for my change"
Neso York lVeekly.
Gertrude (the big sister r." Maud, do
wish you'd stop your chattering to that
dog. Can't You see Pm talking to Mr. Do
verdale?" Maud (aggrieved) J" Well, l
dess Eve dot right to talk to my puppy,
too."-Bostoa Beacon
Gracious mep' said old Mrs. Home
body, laying down the newspaper, "what
awful winter weather they do have up
there in Manitobyl hope, for goodness
sake, they won't bring Canady into the
United States" -Puck
See that young man with the team?"
Yes" a year ago he was a vagrant on
the streets; now he handles large amounts
of real estate" Con commission ?" "No,
at fifteen cents load-half to the owner
of the team."-Ninneapotis Tribune
Mrs. Salstonstall (of Boston =" Tommy,
will you have piece of mince pie p
Tommy Beaconstreet (who is taking din
ner OUT" Yes'm, and | trust your appor-
tionment will be commensurate with my es-
TEEN for yourself.'-BuTtington Free Press.
Anxious mamma Little Dick is up
stairs crying with the toothache." Practi-
cal papa" Take him around to the dent
lists" ~ haven't any money" You
won't need any money. The toothache
will stop before you get there."-Ne,o York
Weekly.
Winks-" Why is 1t that men are so
willing to marry widows ?" Minks an art
dealer)-"I don't know. | have noticed,
too, that it is always easier to sell an old
picture from private collection than a
new one by the same artist Ner York
Weekly.
First Chicago man dropping his news
paper -"Great snakes New York is 60
ing to annex Brooklyn" Second Chicago
man SADLY" Yes, that's true. 1 don't
see anything for Chicago to do now but to
annex Iowa and Michigan Nec York
Weekly.
"That is very wise fellow" remarked
the railway ticket agent. (Which fell
low ?" asked a bystander 1.-THE man who
Just took passage for Oklahoma" And
why is he SO much wiser than his fellows ?'
He bought a ronnd-trip ticket" explained
the agent.-Chieaqo Globe.
Young Mr.. Brokaw (who believes in do
ing everything in a business-like way)-
Miss Southmayd, am matrimonially in
clined. You are my choice above all wo-
men. | desire to marry you. Is it go?"
Miss Southmayd (freezingly)- Yes, sir !:
there is the door. Burlington Free Press.
Scene-New York Banking House
Sir Rotten Rowe Gust over, to office boy,
who has brought him some American
money! What is this?' Office boy
One cent, sir" Sir Rotten Rowe with
satisfied air)-"Ah, yes; can tip me hotel
waiter with it." Office boy (aside)-
"Guess he don't know the animal" -Puck
The Widow Flapiack's son, Bill, was
reading newspaper to his lonely, wild
owed mother. Read that again, sonny
she said. "The King of Siam is going to
send a Minister to Washington" The
| widow sighed and said: Washington is a
bad place to send minister Our family
minister went to Washington, and he
never was the same man afterward"-
TEXAS Sytings.