Morning journal and courier., 1889-09-07
CLOSED.

Mistress-Bridget, did you order the liver for breakfast!
 Bridget-No, mum. The livery stable was closed, mum.-Lowell Courier.
 "How many times have you been engaged this summers" asked one seaside girl of an other. Seventeen. How many have youi" "Twenty-one." "Well, didn't get here un- til week after you did. Washington Cap ital.
 An insult: Eastern man-I do business in New York. but live in the suburbs. Do you live in the suburbs, tool Chicago man-The suburbs of Chicago! Great snakesl Do you take me for frontiersmsna-New York Weekly.
 Tompkins Heard you left the boarding house, Jack.
 Jack k-Yes, the landlady was far too mod est for me.
 Tompkins-Modest-ho thati
 Jack-Oh, sine insisted that we eat dressed beef at every neal Kearney Enterprise.
 Claus Spreckles claims to have a process by which he can make eugar as hard and dur able as marble. Such sugar will be in great demand by the proprietors of cheap bosrding houses. After each meal the Jumps can be reclaimed from the cups and used over again until they are worn out.-Norristown Her aid.
 "See here, my good lady," said Bachelor Tompkins, coming down stairs after his first night at his new boarding house and feeling as if he had been sleeping on the sidewalk, l "haven't you dining room" Certainly, | sir; this way, if you please" "But when I | asked you to furnish me with bed and board didn't suppose I'd have to have 'em both in the same apartment" ."-Detroit Journal. Mir. Hardcash (after an e1opement from g
 rural summer resort )-"My dear, you told me the night proposed that your father had | I,,,kT r he fo
 q peanut vender" She-"No, I didn't, any thing of the sort. You remarked about half
 past 10 o'clock at night that you supposed my father was in the city immerfed in busi-
 ness, and said he had retired. He always
 goes to bed at 10."-New York Weekly.
 "Goodness gracious." explained Mrs
 Luhlbrane, when she read in the editorial
 column of 0 newspaper: "We now send te
 England every year no less than $20, ,000, ,00(
 to pay for tin plate" Then turning to hel
 husband, she asked: "What under the can
 opy, william, does an editor do with SC
 much tin plater "I don't know," was th'
 reply, "unless he uses it on his patent in. side-tin plate matter, as 1t were. Morris
 town Herald.
 , Made a cempromise-"Can I see you , moment in privatei" queried middle-age, , stranger of Officer Button ct the Third stree depot day or two ago. s'You can, sil a | w nat IS lEs It 1b Gu0 uISG blLuo Was oNe 5 placed in this position, and feel very muc
 embarrassed" Exactly" "But the trut ] ! is I've been robbed and want to ask you fo tho loan of dollar" Where were 70 , robbed!" con the train" "How muchl r "Just $23. .0OO in cash" "Was that all 70 : hsd," "Every dollar. If you could no 6 lend me a dollar, I would try an l get fresh start in the world. . "It wouldn't be business" replie a Button, after little reflection. "You migl l. accumulate another fortune and again . robbed of it, and 1t would be encouragir !. crime" "Yes, that's so. I hadn't take , that view of 1t before. Suppose you give n E quarter. will give you my word not v attempt to get fresh start on that, and e. . pose any one to temptation. I see how vel 2 wrong it would be, and Pm determined new s to accumulate another fortune" On h @ solemn promise to this effect Button con ,s promised with him for ten cents.-Detro la Free Press.