Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1889-12-05

The photograph speciality was the
last thing on the programme. Doo-
zenbury sang . touching ballad that
brought tears to many eyes. Ii was
entitled, o where did Mother Hide
the Pie?
Then came out and smiled on the
audience. ! have not sniekered since,
Johnny. said:
Ladies' and gensrmans. dis am Ed
ison's miraculous phonograph. what
produces the human voice. / simply
turns de crank, and you viii hear de
words oh dat great statesman and pure
patriot
Blaine Blaine James G. Blainef
roared about half the audience, while
the rest cheered for Grover Cleveland.
As soon as I could catch my breath
and there was a pause. yelled back !:
No, that good man is Ben Harrison I
Harrison's picture appeared and the
band struck up, n ail to the Cbisfr
simultaneously an egg, that must
have been laid by a hen that had
something the matter with her. hit
me on the tire Of my ear. Doozsn.
bury told me afterwards that for a
moment there was bright golden
halo around my head, and I looked
like picture of one Of the middle
aged saints. There was, however, q
smell strong enough to drive dog
out Of a slaughter house. Harrison's
picture was Blessing to me, as it in.
tercspted some Of the missiles. As |
lodged dead cat. saw Mrs. James
G. Blaine, ST., who don't like me. grin
sardonically, like gleam Of sunshine
on some ancient ruin.
The audience kept on cheering for
Blaine and Cleveland. Then / tum-
bled. I perceived the fine Italian
hand of Blaine. I also perceived an
other aromatic testimonial that ex-
ploded on my person and made me
wish l had not put on my best suit.
Then adjourned E. Pluribus Unum,
as it were. NV friend Doozenbury
was evidently tool of Blaine. Such
is friendship.
Next morning ! called on Harrison.
At first I thought he was sneering,
but I discovered that he was merely
turning up bis nose at the aroma from
the aromatic testimonials ! had beer
presented with, and which had been
unable TO eradicate. In the language
of the poet:
"You may break, you may shstter the vase
if You will,
But the scent of The roses will hang round
it still"
Colonel Snort, said Harrison you
will oblige ms in the future bv neg
lecting to get up any negro demon.
strations in my favor
1T didn't seem to be much in your
favor. Mr.. President
You failed ANONYMOUSLY, Colonel
Snort. Dear me, what a peculiar
smell there is in this 70 2m. It must
be the miasmstic vapors from the Po-
tomac fats said Harrison.
Tha colored stenographer entered.
When he saw me he exploded with
laughter and retreated.
'Mr. President, said /, iii You were
to fire that nigger out of a cannon
loaded with carbolic acid, maybe the
missmatic vapors from the Potomac
fats would be less vociferous. But
to return to the ovation last night
None of your friends seemed to be
there
Colonel Snort, why didn't yeu ask
Mr.. Wsnamaker to detail some of bis
Government employees to attend the
performance and cheer for Harrison
and reform !?
i did ask Wanny to send down q
lot of postal clerks to cheer for Har.
rison, but he refused to do So
Did he give any reason for refus.
ingr
Yes. the fall clothing trade is boom.
ing now. and the Government clerks
in bis Department are busy sending
out his business circulars about over.
coats, gentlemanly underwear. etc..
Did he himself attend?'
No; he said it was his prayer meet.
ing night. He said, moreover. it was
wicked to attend minstrel psrformsn-
ces for political purposes
Where were your Southern Repub.
lican Office seekers, who infest Wash.
ipgtOn and bore me for Offices 2 asked
Harrison angrily.
Mr.. President, I gave over 40 oi
them SO cents apiece to pay admis-
zion 10 the performance, and I told
them to yell the lining of their
throais bowling for Harrison and re.
form, but they didn't show up
Why didn't theyY