The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-08-22
WISE AND OTHERWISE.


Beecham's Pills act like magic on a
weak stomach.
odd God make the baby, pa ?" Yes,
Willie" About what does he charge
for a kid like Jimmy i"-NelU York
World.
A reporter, describing a collection of
bric-a-brac, says: 1.-The visitors eye will
be struck on entering the room with a
porcelain umbrella"
Shyleigh-"Are you fondof animals -
Mics Mature-''Very." (which one do
you like best ?" MISS Mature with far
away look)-"M Man. Time,
A Boston woman who bought a carpet
ten days ago in New York, sent it back
yesterday. The pattern was so loud it
woke up the baby in the cradle.
BalloonIsts say that when at the height
of two miles they have heard women
calling over the back fence to borrow
fiat irons and starch -SomerUille Jour
nal
Mudge-"For heavens sake, BUsworth,
have you been sand blgged. or in a rail-
way accident p "Bosworth- Neither.
hid under the bed the other night t"
scare my wife"
Wibble-"Funny, isn't it, that light
ming never strikes twice in the same
place y Wabble-"Not so very strange
After it strikes once the place isn't there
any more. "-Terre Hdute Express.
Mr.. Phunnyman-"My dear, did you
know that Noah understood all about
electricity ?" Mrs. Phunnyman-"No (;
did he ?" Mr.. P.-'Why, yes he made
the arc light on Arar' "-Philadelphid
Press
Country and city Miss Sheafe-' All.
look at that wheat rising and falling
yonder on thebreeze How beautiful |
Mr.. Weepit-"Ah, but you ought to set
it rising and falling in the Produce Elk
change ~
Teacher-"What Influence has the
moon upon the tide ?" High School Girl
IL don't know exactly what effect il
has on the tied, but it has tendency to
make the united awful spoony. ''-Omd-
hd World
Mr.. Winks Cooking over the pape) {:
"Cheap, Drug & Co. are selling ali sorts
Of patent medicines at half price" Mrs
Winks-"Just our luck There isn't any
thing the matter with any of US. '-NeaU
York Weekly
"Humph, you can tell that Crompton
hasn't lived long in the country. "How?'
why, he's all the time talking about
moving the lawn. If he'd lived there
any time he'd got down to cutting the
grass. "-Harper'S Bazaar.
What lie that green stuff in the cream,
William? ?" asked young wife, referring
to the pstachio in the center Of the form.
''Oh, that's an oasis, my dear" "A
what ?" 'An oasis-a little green spot in
the dessert, you know. p YonkerS States
man.
Ayers Hair Vigor restores color and
vitality to weak and gray hair. Through
its healing and cleansing qualities, it pre-
vents the accumulation of dandruff and
cures all scalp diseases. The best haiI
dressing ever made, and by far the most
economical.
Mamma, gazing at her daughters dress
ing cushion-"Why, where did you get
so many gentlemen's scarf EinsY Daugh-
teri don't know myself. l find one
in my hair almost every night after Gus
calls, and to save me can't imagine how
they get there"
Shell hear that you went as far az
Constantinople, Mr.. Smythe. Then you
must have seen the Dardanelles." He
"H m Don't remember the name. But
saw the WilIards at Trieste, and young
Spoopendyke, who was travelling With
them. "-Harper'S Bazaar.
Nickleby-"What are the novels ?"
Squeers-"A, e, i, o, u" "Now say
them again, dropping off the first one."
GNE n n " Mon,
off the second" II, o, u" Il know
you do. and l wish to thunder you'd pay
up. Laurence american.
The tower of Babel proved a failure
because M, Effel was not there to build
it. The Paris tower seems to have an
other attribute of Babel, for Rev. ]. NJ.
Buckley reports that twenty.eight Ian
guages and dialects were heard recently
at the base. Christian Register.
Teacher-"How is Pompeii pro-
nounced ?" First Bly-"Pompey l."
Teacher-"Next r. Second Boy-'Pom-
pey ai-ai." Teacher Next 7" Third
Boy-"Pompee." Teacher - Next !"
Forth Boy with Notable scorn)-"I
don't pronounce it. just say "Hercu-
laneum."
"These fish, my dear Mrs Hendricks
remarked the minister, who was discuss
ing a Sunday dinner with the family,
ARE deliciously fresh. lam enjoying
them very MUCH They ought to b.
fresh" volunteered Bobby. also enjoying
them PA caught 'em only this morn
ing. Bangor Commercial
ShiIOh's Uatarrh Remedy.
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, marvellous
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, canker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment OF
these complaints without extra charge.
Price so cents. Sold by j. T. Shurteff
Bennington.
An Eminent
Temperance lecturer in New England,
Mrs. John Barton, says; | was ~ Jet
to those deathly sick headaches and also
dyspepsia. Sulphur Bitters cured ne
when all other remedies failed. Mrs.
Barton is the wife Cf John Barton. Super
intendent Of Repairs, Pacific Mills, Law
renee, Mass.
A lady taking tea at a small company.
being very fond of hot rolls, was asked
to have another. Really, can not,
she modestly replied Il don't know
how many have eaten already" II
do |" unexpectedly cried juvenile up
start, whose mt Their had allowed him a
seat at the table. You've eaten eight :;
I've been accounting
Baby Gould "Grandps, want to buy
some candy, but l have no money"
Grandpa Gould Go to the candy store,
my child, and offer the man liberal
sum for his candy, give him bonds for
the amount based on the value Of the
candy, then double the issue of stock,
sell one half to other parties, pay the
man his money, and you will own half
the store. See ?"
Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint.
Is it not worth the small price of rs
cents to free yourself of every symptom
of these distressing complaints, if you
think so call at our store and get bot
tie of Shioh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
has printed guarantee on it, use &C
cordingly, and if il does you no good Il
will cost you nothing. Sold by John T.
Shurtleff, druggist,
A Family Gathering.
Have you father Have you moth
er p? Have you son or daughter, sister
or brother who has not yet taken Kemp's
Balsam for the Throat and Lungs, the
guaranteed remedy for the cure OF
Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Group and all
Throat and Lung troubles II so, why,
when a sample bottle is gladly given to
you free by any druggist, and the large
size costs only SOC and $l.00?
The small kid was playing with the
scissors, and his kindly old grandfather
chided him-UYou nnuanit nIav with Tho