St. Paul daily globe., 1889-01-12
BowsER GOES TO CHURCH.
Mrs. BOwser's Version Ofthe Usual
Sunday Morning Programme
What He Gained by Once At

What He Gained by Once At
tending the Service.
Detroit Free Press.
suppose the regular Sunday MORN
ing programme at our house is the same
as at all others, and l presume Mr..
BOwser'S conduct is the same as that OF
the average husband. He is snoring
away at o'clock, when j give him a
dig and remark:
"Come, Mr.. Bowser. we are going to
church this morning."
After about dozen digs 1 get him out
of bed, and in due time we have break
fast. AS the curtain goes up Mr.. Bow
ser is heard saying:
''Fd like to know what particular
benefit we get from sitting i'm church
for an hour and half and listening to
a dry old Sermon""
"Well, we must 60 for example"
example,! Who knows whether We
go to church or stay at homer"
Everybody knows MIR. BOwser. We
are in neighborhoOd of churchzgOers,
and we shall be set down as heatlIenS if
we don't CO."
Il might listen to 10000 such ser
mons as we hear and not be an iota bet
ter, but suppose / must be dragged
off. Have got clean shirt?'
''Of course you haye-tive or six OF
them. Go right up and dress Yourself"
He proceeds very slowly up stairs,
muttering as he goes, and in about
minute calls over the banister:
''If there is anybody in Detroit who
can find my shirts I'll give him %
dollar bill"
'They are in the lower drawers Of
your bureau"
"Oh! They are? What did you tell
me to look in the closet fOr?'
From the interval Of silence that en-
sues it is fair to presume that Mr..
BOwser makes discovery. There are
five shirts in the drawer. all alike as to
cleanliness, but he lays the five out on
the floor and makes a selection. When
he has done this he calls out:
"Have you given my shirt buttons
away again?'
81 never gave any of your shirt but
tons away"
"Then where are they?"
'In the shirt you have on. of course.
You never had but one set"
"Oh, didn't. Some men have a set
for every day in the year, suppose"
There is another interval of silence,
during which he is supposed to get into
the shirt, but it is presently broken by:
"Where's my Sunday pantalOOns?'
changing up in the clotheSpreSS."
"They are not there. I've looked the
blamed thing over forty timeSw
''On the first hook at the right of the
door,"
"What did you go and move them of
the first hook to the left of the door for?
Hereafter l wont you to let my clothes
alOne!"
! have about three minutes of rest,
and then Mr.. Bowser inquiries:
lis there any such thing as collar in
this house, or have all of mine been
taken for dishclOths and moprags?"
"Your collars are in your shirts. It's
strange how helpless some men are"
There is silence for about five minutes
this time. Then Mr.. BOwser comes
down stairs with one end of his collar
buttOned, his hair standing up and his
eyes having dangerous look.
'Alrs. BrOwser, do you pretend this is
one of my collarS?" he huskily de-
mandS.
Certainly it is. Anything wrong?"
"Wrong! Why. the internal thing
won't go half round my neck! I'll be
hanged if this amt the worst run house
in Michigan!'
| button his collar. 1t buttons very
easily, and he goes back upstairs TO put
OH his necktie and vest, and calls out:
''How much did that secondhand
man give you for my coat"'
IL haven't sold any coat"
"You must have? l can't find my
Sunday coat anywhere up here. 1t isn't
down i'm the basement, is it?'
90 up, and his coat is lying across a
oI, ,rI,t 10 +
lit will be the last time go to church
for year. and you chalk that dOwnm
he growls, as l descend to finish my
dressing.
BY 10 o'clock Mr.. Bowser is dressed
and down stairs. Then he discovers
that his shoes want shine, and his hat
and Overcoat must be brushed, and after
pulling the right shoe OH the left foot,
he mildly observes:
Church! church. Don't you ever say
church to me again!"
By and by he discovers that he is
minus handkerchief and gloves, and
after going mp stairs and hunting
around he calls out:
Ibid the young un swallow all the
handkerchiefs in the hOuse?"
mo, dear. you will find a clean one
in your hip pocket"
l.
"YOu didn't ask"
swell, my gloves are gone"
"They are In your cOat-tail pocket"
"Oh! they are! You saw me coming
up stairs and you never said word. I
suppose now I'll have to wait half an
hour for you?"
'.No, dear-I'm all ready. I had to
stop to tell the cook about those ducks,
and to feed the baby. ana to fix a but
ton on my shoe, but l'm all ready"
Its the last time I'll fool around
like this. There! my darned old watch
has stopped"
''Never mind the watch. Let's be
going,"
''And believe I've bursted my sus-
pendersw
l got him started, however. He
grOWlS all the way to church, scOwlS at
the minister throughout the sermon,
and its only after service is out that he
saws to me as we walk hOmeward:
''Mrs. BOwser, | wish you would re-
form in one matter. Look at the num-
ber of people out to church to-day, and
then think how they would estimate us
if we stayed at home. / hope to see
you little more enthusiastic about
getting out to Servicest'
''Why. dear. Pm always ready to gOw
'Then prove it by your actions. It's
duty we owe to the neighbOrhOOd and
to ourselves, and if we can't get you
started without such fuss as you made
this morning i shall go alone hereafter"
Tacky Said to Be an Indian Word.
ST. Louis Republic.