The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-03-20
Bad Enough as He Was.

Bad Enough as He was.
"Hooray!" cried Cadley, 81 feel Ill
B new man."
"Oh, please DON'T" retorted Bromle.
''Don't be any newer than usual, Cadle,
You are too fresh, naturally. ."-Ba:ar'
Helping the Hungry.
81 wish you would help me a little,
said the tramp; 81 haven't eaten an!
thing for two days"
"H'mw returned old Grinder; "l'l
opposed to giving money promiscuousl
On the street; but if you take this strin
and tie it around you tightly, you won
feel so empty"-Pucs.
p. Both Tired.
Bill Collector Ito hired girD-"Loo
here I'm tired coming around with tn
BILL"
Hired Girl (wrathfully)-"Well, II
tired, too. having to leave my work t
tell you to call again"
B. C.-"Well, you may tell your boz
that this is my last CALL"
81. G.-"Your last9"
B. G. (fercely)-"Yes."
Fl. G.-"Thank Heaven"
His Inheritance.
81 can't understand, Bobby" said b
father, "why you should quarrel
much with Tommy White. Your motht
tells me you quarrel with him most of Il
time"
'I can't help it, pa" replied Bobb.
thoughtfully. 81 guess I must get N
from you and ma. "-Bazar'
The Intelligent Juror.
CHOW do you vote, ST, guilty or NJ
guilty"
"Guilty."
"Oh, now, see here. It's a plai
case of not guilty. What makes yo
think him guilty9"
"What makes me think him guilt.
Wal, I'll tell ye. If the man amt guilt,
how'd he come to git arrested"-Nu
cey's Weekly.
AGood Feature.
a widow called at sculptor's stud.
10 see the clay model of the bust of h
husband. 81 can change it in any pa
ticular that you may DESIRE" he said.
The widow looked at it with tearf
eyes. "The nose is large"
ga large nose is sign of goodness.
said the artist.
The widow wiped away her tears, or
sobbed: "Well, then, make it lit
larger. ."-Te Wasp.
Put His Foot in His Mouth.
Mrs. Robinson was entertaining SON
ladies at select little five o'clock te
and Bobby, who had been exception
ally we'll behaved, was in high feathe
"Ma," he said, as cake was beir
handed round, ''may I have son
tongue, pleaset"
"There isn't any tongue, Bobby"
"That's funny" commented Bobb
EsI heard pa say there would be lots
Et."-London Tid-Bit
Woman's Reasoning.
'sNo, Mr.. Sampson" she says sweet
'T can never be your wife. We wou
hot be happy. You are too extravagA'
in your habits"
Extravagant". he repeated. "Y'
have been misinformed, Miss Lulu.
am as economical as a Brooklyn deaco
Why, I have to be-"
''Then 1 can never be your wife, NJ
Sampson"
"Because Pm economical2"
"No, because you have to be eco
pmicalw
In a Safe Place.
Business Man Ito new CONFIDENT
elerk)-"Here, Waggerly, is the sa
eombination. Be very careful that "
don't lose it,
"Yes, SIR"
Business Man (next morning)-- -"Wha
haven't you opened the safe yet?"
"No, sir, I couldn't"
"You haven't lost that slip, hope
"No, sir; but 1 put it inside the sa
last night. ."-Boston Beacon.
Mrs. Malaprop's Latest.
Mrs. Malaprop has come to town
usual this season and is getting in b
work with the same disregard of Engli
hs always characterizes her. Socie
Circles are now laughing over a laps
lingup originating with one of the NJ,
Ms who Is quite well-known. One
her daughters, a beautiful girl, has be
6itting to a sculptor, and some one ask
khe lady what was being done. "Oh
ehe replied, "my daughter is having
bust made of her hand."- 1Vashingt
Critic.
Entitled to Ride Free.
Saturday a poorly dressed, trampis
appearing man boarded south.bour
cottage Grove avenue car. When t
conductor asked for his fare the man r
blied that he was out of change, but th
be guessed he could ride to Sixty-thi
street.
"No, you can't unless you have t
money to pay for it," the conductor q
Bwered.
"Well, now jest kin. Isee that sis
there afore I got on this car, sayin': 9
Exty.third street without change. "