The Penn's Grove record., 1889-08-10

A CLERICAL ERROR Government was. a
Clerk, to friend-'I'm in a frightful ganJ ~ a
hole. l went to see two doctors yester- ,,p.no a,
day and ! got a medical certificate from ap ~r ~
each. One was a certificate of health anu
tor a life insurance company, and the Nesenuon r
other was a certificate of illness 10 send otneI 0 IL n
to the chief with my petition for a 5oMtu m
weeks leave of absence" gomn w w "
Friend-"I've done that myself. uolIai Vh
What's the matter?" ToNeu !" tSi,
"Matteri Great Scott! linked the I'VE goI em
certificates in mailing them. The ln- VIII oolO" v
Lsurance company has my certificate OF anyWs'ii INV >
i'll health and the chief has my certiii- me W u II
cate of good health" ssb bse mp to }
"MARIA,n demanded Mr.. Bilious, when go
with much severity, ''do you mean to dollar, they
tell me you paid fifty cents for that lot back, Dut v
worthless auction trumpery? Are you lar they CIV
never going 10 learn the value of mon l save Ian
eyp" you seer"
SLOW can yoa expect me to learn royp,p,
anything about it, John, when I have poII~ ClaT
only 81. 80 a week to practice on2" re- tacbe AID 4
piled Mrs. Bilious, sweetly, and John pobEv 6
stole softly out into the woodshed and small Int
kicked himself. 0n"t;ored "a
ANeELNA-"There is no use talk husbANt
ing, mother; all is over between U.S." nave 70 ~ ~
Mother-''Wha has happenedP" not hnu "
1.-Two minutes after George left me want ar
tsrr;bie e,'rs ~ 'e" "Yes, dea
''shockingl What caused itp' cannot On,
II don't know for sure, mother; but but ~ 'to }
when l turned the gas up in the parlor De ape W
| found a 25-cent piece where George wall Ill,
n q oantla,non ); John comes
- school? He
QUITE ILINe-"Papa said the informal
Amy, hesitatingly, "I- must confess Husband
something. Harry and i had arranged
to elope tonight, but my conscience FNoUeH.
troubled me, and I just had to tell you, idly down
and spoil it all" taiiiv ran Nv
SIT need not spoil it, replied the Amy horses a" y -
fond parent; go ahead and elope, but tmro called
never tell 1 knew of it. 1t will save tba wavI,
the expense of a wedding Attbat m
- - - No.. much hurt
It, $3.50, -. 90, NJ To,rt shouted in
man von ANY J mnrdeyer are youp,, boss, you Al
NJ S e sSonid 9" hone not YEP"
What put such an idea into your hesdy' Tur WR
"Sister said you were numbering oraature ,c
something last night" inc room
"What was l numbering, Tommy" nanar in ROC
'The piano, l think she said" IF ya1nable
Oprn,rxr t.Don,t oxc;ta and ax. iewelry VIII
haust yourself by reading novels, - said ro9 G1as a y II 1,
q serious neighbor to a nervous invalid, NNln Al,
and she continued her lecture until the y sup W y
patient found space to protest that nov '"o "Nu'"
els bored her and her favorite dissipa-
ton was darning the family stockings. YOU'RE
Thus are we sometimes warned against an ONCE poS
the vices which have never tempted us, the appn.ean
until. perbaps. we embrace them pretty fast
through very curiosity. ladder at 20
- mo, indt
"A e TRIP.-First Chicagoan- earnestly.
''Did you enjoy your trip abroad, Mrs was while a
Globetrotp"
Second Chlcagoan-"Oh, yes; it was NOT A
full of events. l saw the Queen in drink liquor
April, danced with the Prince of Wales mo, SIT,
in May, chatted with Boulanger in June man WIN Il
and-I suppose that you heard that my my business
husband died in July?" I'm gla
- your busine
Two WARDRoBEs-Loving Wife, "lm a bS
'My summer wardrobe is completed or Form
and I am now ready for Newport" of oooh
Hush tnd-"Well, I'll see if l can ar went you '
range my affairs so 1 can 60" put d pahr.
ttfiraciousI 7 can't take Won along house."
Won baven,t a snit of clothes fit to he Mr.. S.
seen - try and a &C
-- "Why, j
HARDENED. Lawyer, to strong and a cOetel
witness for his side-'It just did me see?''
good to see how cool you were under
cross-examination." UREA
Strong Witness, modestly-"I am zee tldV Iu
the editor of a paper which claims 30O,- oy means - ~
600 circulation" De seen 5n
A TERRIBLE PossIBILITY.-Mother VIII gee Oh
reading-"A machine has been invent we ~ ~ Nv
ed that will fling a man l 500 feet in Oh 'ne s'iee
the an. - ~ PRAcI
LOT h NO hsor n e y - oiioi Don mentally
io'p -" Ae"i love?"
A Observation-Disclosures sticky once Won
Hy-paper you brought home yesterday is Bnt | heard
a great success, as you see." don't 90 no
Husband-'How can you say that, hv tba wind
when it hasn't caught one of the both
ersome Pestssn Mrs. Yo
cess that has no flies on it, thar dntie
uu ur, o.. ..D;s -, ploy."
EVER iHUs.-ohe-'Dld not you Mrs. Mo
think Madge was going to marry "Yis. mum
Claude?" 81 shonI
He, with emphasis-"No." hods made
Everybody else did" bodv il mn
VERY likely; but she gave me to I'M W Up
derstand she was going to marry me-" Enro
HER SAD FACE.-Mr. De Rich gong 70 les
"What a sad, sweet face Miss Psyche I'M q, y
10 nM ,;.h ooe rraat 1oss ), D.-"No
Miss Desmart-'sYes, she was In a ner along.
railroad accident some weeks ago, and WHICH, d"
she lost a front TOOTH"
Nor CLEAR.-Mrs Mover-'sWhatI Z es Of n II
Don't you remember Blank street? biliousness, 0
Why, we went there two or three times scrofuio1 teo n
to look for a house" the lungs) WI
Mr.. MOyer-'Huhl Name some Rscoyety Is
street we haven't been to, looking for be promptly
houses, and perhaps I'll remember it" .snor.,.,
~. ths Head b 3
spook seanee last night, didn't you,
Il did, Mcswiligen." to man WI
Show was it?" you se VI
Angler
- ..wb.t .u vorr noise, was
charges. Doctor?" Warm wea
Three dollars a VISIT" feeling and d
"Well, we don't want you to come on ditIon OF the
a visit, but just to stay ten or fifteen pure bloodar'
minutes to overcome
--> and enrich tn
~ anI % ,aI mii Of ~ ms SSus, A A Happines
"t ~ can,t sax Mr. So,tle;ob She has, but on
often laughs at almost nothing" L
- The Fraze
Il uondeTJut photoSiaphoi an AiCeic box lasts as
mirage has just been received in San ceived media
Francisco from Prof. Richard d. Will Centennial,
loughby, the pioneer miner scientist of ~
Alaska. 1t was taken at Glacier Bay A1ectaI
and represents a mysterious aerial city. lace IMAM >
The view is apparently taken from some Runru,
spot on a MIL. In the foreground Is u DR., j.. b. 4