The Dickinson press., 1889-03-02
FUNERAL DIRECTORS.
Humorous Side of Their Business Illus
trated by Several Stories,

s.
trated by Several Stories.
1t is a popular idea that undcrtakcrs are Il
very serious class of men whose lives are
shrouded i'll the deepest gloom. Readers of
Dickens will remember that Mark Taplcy,
when searching for a lot in lifc which would
afford tho greatcss possible opportunity of
being jolly under difficulties, was strongly in-
clinc,l to adopt that of an undertaken. Hav-
ing long believed thispopular idea concerning
the men of cotfins and shrorls and tho life
they led to be a gross error, have for several
years past sought close friendship with the
leading undcrtakcrs in many of our principal
cities, and personally by letter have collected
their views and experiences of their prorcs-
sion rs regards its asrceablcncss, its health
fulness, its h,mors and its pleasures. They
all concur most heartily i'll tho statements
made to mo by ono of tho oldest and most
successful undcrtaiers in tho country, who
has carried OH his business for nearly forty
years. and has seen hundreds of Americas
most distinguished citizens dcccntly laid in
their graves.
"An undcrtakcrs lifo is IL very pleasant
one" lie said III shouldn't say 'untlcrtakcl,
though. Wc dropped that word sono years
ago, and how call ourselves funeral di
rectors.' Away from our business, think
| may safely say that We are the ,iollicst set
of men living You know that clowns and
comedians are often said to ho very grave in
private liie because their work consisting, in
heine, funny, it is relaxation for them to bc
serious. Just SO with an undertaken. lie
must wear II mournful col,ntcnance and at
feet grief, or at least mournful sympathy, as
very important part of his business, and
hcnco it is IN itself II recreation for him Ia
throw all that of and he lively and cheer
fnl. An undcrtakcr'S llo is calculated to
make II man jolly. not only for tho reason
just mentioned, but because it has
an intensely humorous si,lc and l,.-
cause tho very funniest things have
ever seen in real life have been occurrences
II, or in connection with funerals. To a large
class of persons, the burial of Il friend is an
occasion for mirth and enjoyment, though
believe that they mourn quito as sincerely as
those who wear long faces. | remember
| officiating ut tho funeral of noted saloon
keeper few years ago, and on the road to
tho cemetery we encountered tho cortcge of n
rival publican. a raco between tho two flu
nerals was quickly improviscd, and VIC were
q
when our heurse bounced over II largo stone
in the road its doors flew open and tho corpse
Of my cicnt-f l may SO designate him
rolled out.
81 remember an amusing. incident in con
nccton with prominent Iron manufacturer
of national reputation, who never loses an
opportunity of advertising, his business. lie
purchased n cemetery lot and surrounded it
with n very ornamental fcnco of his own
manufacture. His vito died soon nftcrward
| and when had laid the good lady To rest lie
| erected to her memory IL handsome monu-
| ment, OH which wcro carved these words:
Hero lie Mrs. Annio X, wife of Quintius
", proprietor of tho - Iron works, where
tho elegant fence around this lot was manu-
facturcd. Similar ones made to ORDER
''Muny years ago, wien | first went into
tho business there livc:l in Brooklyn a family
whom will call Mecder. Tho husband died
and l was called in. He had been u very
handsome man, and his wife had been very
much devoted to him. In making out the
carriage list arranged TO havo the widow,
as was always customary at that time,
accompanied by her dead husbands
brother, whose features wero as rcpul-
sivcly ugly as those of tho dead man had
been handsome. When l came TO read the
carriage list at tho funeral and tho widow
learned of my arrangement for the first time
sho screamed out at tho top of her voice be-
forc all tho people: Il won't go with that
tal4lal ugly lookin crittcr, but III foller
Mcctlcr wherever lie gors,'
"At tho funeral of Il very aged millionaire
belonging to ono of tho old Knckerboc.c
families Of New York, which once directed,
his widow, IN old lady of so years, walked
into the room where he lay in his coffin about
aquartcr Of an hour before tho time set for
tho commencement of tho services and sat
down at tho feet of the corpse Taking out
her knitting she began to work at it very in
lustrionsly. Her granddaughter, observing
her with great surprise, said: Why,
grandma, surely you wouldn't knit at poor
;randpa's funeral! VAL responded the
good dame, Il jest thought might as well
draw out few threads while tho people wcro
,,cthcring. &c. w Christine in Chicago
Journal