The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-06-29
The Bachelors Club.

"Come to ORDER" gentlemen,
said President Roberts, as he hit
the beer keg a resounding whack
with ham bone, business of inn
portance demands our attention.
The secretary will call the roll and
shove the imberger over this way"
| Secretary Fahy stopped in his
efforts to fasten a bachelor button
where it would do the most good,
and called the roll, IN low, plain
tive voice not wholly unmi liked
with sadness and limberger cheese.
AS he called the names of Dan.
Campbell, John Johnson, Dan.
/ Brown, Everett Mosby and C. O..
Picard, the briny tide coursed
down his cheeks in a perfect whirl-
pool, while the entire club bowed
their heads and groaned with an
guish. Mackelberger fshed in his
pocket for a handkerchief to dry
his streaming face, and pulled out
long stocking, such as are usually
worn by the bitterest enemies of
the Club. In vain did he plead
that some enemy had placed the
mysterious garment in his pocket
to destroy his standing, the Presi
dent was firm and suspended the
offender for a month. The stock
ing was nailed just above skull and
cross bones as a warning.
Application of C. S. Scott was
withdrawn. Application of S. M.
Coffin was referred to committee on
grass widowers.
The committee on tie passes re-
ported the return of Bachelor Cakes
and recommended that he be again
received into fellowship.
Bachelors Dorman and Zehner
were then called up to pay their
usual fine and be reprimanded.
Bachelor Bailey then preferred
charges against Bachelor Williams
whom he openly denounced as a
wolf in sleeps clothing and charg-
ed him with trifiing with the affec-
tions of the club. The president
forbade the offending member from
speaking to a woman for a week
and gave Bailey a pair of clean
socks as a reward for his vigilance.
Bachelor Hand gained the floor
and said that the "Female Night
Caps" kept him in constant terror.
Hardly a mail passed that he did
not get threatening letters, and one
night while he was wrapped in
peaceful slumber, they had actual
ly sang "Come Where My Love
Lies Dreaming" under his window.
He vividly enlarged upon the ex-
cruciating torture of such pro-
ceeding, and once more demanded
protection.
The president referred the mat
ter to the committee on danger with
instructions to show no mercy.
Bachelor Ralph Cakes preferred
charges against President Roberts,
but as he could not sustain them
without duplicating himself, had
to apologize. Billy Isaacs and
Aleck Hoover were told their &C
tions were watched and advised to
60 slow.
The following resolution by
Bachelor Steunenberg was adopted:
WHEREAS, 1t is rumored and We
have every reason to believe that
our worthy president and Bachelor
Isaacs are about to build resi-
dences, and
WHEREAS, More or less suspicion
is excited in the minds of doubt
ing members by such action, and
WHEREAS, 1t has been demon
strated by the Saints Rest that
bachelor can build a house without
any serious results arising, there
fore be it
RESOLVED, That we consider the
intentions of our worthy presiden
and Bachelor Isaacs as being per-
fectly honorable, and for the best
interests of our order.
The meeting then dissolved itself
into game of seven-up.