Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1889-04-03
Trying to Beat an Agent.

had only one eve, which lie liked SOL
emnly on Mrs. Phipps.
"a fine day, madam 1 called t.
show you a most beautiful invention
Here he took from his pocket a tin
funnel with a stick in it ''It Is the
patent instantaneous egg-beater. You
put IN your egg, stir this stick around
a few seconds, and there's your egg all
in a froth. It's a real boom to woman,
ma m Only one dollar each. OF
course you want il, ma'am-"
"No. 1 DON'T" said Mrs Phipps,
slamming the door in his face Then
she hurried back to the kitchen, and
as she came in one door that enter
prising patent egg-beater man entered
at the other. Coolly taking q chair,
he remarked:
''As 1 was saying, ma am. it's one OF
the wonders OF the age. Jest give me
an egg, an I'll show you how il
works" and he rolled that one eye
around the room.
Il haven't got any eggs" snapped
Mrs. PhiPps; ''and If had you wouldn't
get EN-
"a little sospy water'n co, ma'am;
and you must see this beautiful instru-
ment IN notion
There isn't any soapy water" said
Mrs Phipps, grimly; and you'd better
CO."
Just then old Speckle raised furious
"cut-cut- k-a- dar-cut" out in the hem
yard, and II that agent didn't just get
up and rush out there, and come In,
smiling with an egg in his hand III
less than a secondl
NOW, ma'am, Jest see the beauty
OF this arrangement. 1 break the egg,
so-tben | whlsk this little stick, and
prestOi there's your froth, all ready. No
more aching arms or lame wrists. One
for dollar. VIII you take one,
ma'amln
Now, see here,'' said Mrs. Phipps,
decidedly, Il don't want one Of them,
and l wouldn't have one If you'd give
it 20 me; 50 take yourself off,"
''An' !, ma'am, say you must have
ore, and I'm a goin' TO sell you one of
these inventions before L leave town;
you'd better take one now, ma'am,"
he replied, mOurnfully fixing that one
eye on her.
II teA you I'll die firstl" cried Mrs.
Phipps, excitedly. Now you skip!"
Mis-. PhIpps was spunky woman,
but she wasn't "A match for that egg
beater man, for after she had orlVen
him out of the kitchen with the toast
ing fork, he serenely perched himself
on the back fence and explained the
merits or his wares, and every time
hen would lay AN egg he woSld rush
out to the hen yard, capture the egg,
and run it through his beaten
1t was no use for Mrs Phipps to
throw things at him; he'd smile blIndly
when a flatiron went whizzing by his
head, and work the beater harder than
ever, and as for pie tins, old shoes, and
other small articles, they fell ike
snow-Gakes about him; and all the
while he roasted on that fence and
ratified that egg -beater faster than
telegraph machine
When Mr.. Phlpps came home at noon,
lie said the house looked as If the
bl ZZard OF last March had blown |
through the kitchen. Every thing was
out in the back yard, and Mrs Phlpps
was trying TO pull the stove legs of TO
throw them at the agent, who sat
coOlly stirring his egg-beater. and
staring at the scene with that solitary
eye.
PhIpps had brought his bull dog with |
him. and at his wIfe's orders, set him |
on that agent, egg beater and all; but |
the dog whIned, drew buck, and finally |
legs. and hid in the cellar.
Then Phipps got his shot gun, and |
while he was trying to load it, the |
agent got another egg and beat it up; |
then he got quietly down from the |
fence, saying, as il was noon he would |
leave them While he got his dinner, and |
then he would come back and describe |
the beauties of his egg beater TO Mr.. |
Phipps. He knew they'd make trade; |
he saw it in Mr.. Phipps' intelligent |
eye.
Well, at halT-past one there he was
again.
Phipps was conquered, and wanted |
to buy; but Mrs Phipp5 had got her |
dander up and said again she'd die |
first.
Well, she did die, sure enough. and |
this was now 1t happened. That agent
Just laid siege to Phipps. He was
there the first thing in the morning
and the last thing at night. y dozen
times a day he'd ring the door bell,
and when Mrs PhIpps would appear
he'd fix that solitary eye on her and
begin to work that patent egg-beater.
Mrs. Ihipps nailed up the front door,
and lie went to the back door. She
fastened up that door, and they all used
the outside cellar-way, until the agent
took TO sitting on the top stair and
shaking that beater at Mrs. Phipps,
Then that cellar way was nailed up,
and the family got out OF the windows
onto the back shed; but that smart
chap got a tent and put it up on the
back shed roof, just where he could
look right in Phipps' window.
That was too much for Mrs Phipps
She took to her bed in disgust, and
died in three days, and tie very last
thing she saw before she breathed her
last, was that patent egg-beater In full
operation at the window.
Phipps did the thing up handsomely,
for Mrs. Phipps had firsr-class fun
eral-silver-handled coffin, plate-glass,
and all the rest OF the nxings. AS
Aunt Polly said, "She orter he a proud
and thankful woman to think OF the
way Phlpps put her under the sod."
Some folks blamed the agent, but
PhIpTs didn't. lie said he "s'posed
the man'd got to tend to business any
how, an Jerusha was always dreadful
set In her way.''
And then the agent showed he was a
good fellow, for he hired one of the
best carriages and headed the process
sion, keeping his beaier flying like mad
all the way; and when the services were
concluded and folks were reviewing
the remains. he got up, egg-beater and
all, and made most touching speech
as a tribute to the dear, departed lady,
etc. He spoke of the cause of her
sudden taking of, and said she would
have been able to go 10 some one else's
funeral II she had only taken Mr..
PHipp's advice and bought a patent
instantaneous egg-beaIer, "a. dollar
apiece" instead OF killing herself stir
ring eggs the old way.
His remarks made a great impress