Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1889-07-11
WIT AND IIUMOR-

1 sued FOR divorce. BjOnes-Actress or
typewriterP-Judge.
Noah would have failed AZ rail
road man. He even built an ark to
keep stock from being watered. -Neo
York Mat
Appearances are sometimes deceiv.
ing. Eggs are not strong, vet they
| 40 well IN a scramble. -- Bmgbamt0H
Republican.
A smiling wife is blessing, but il is
one that the mau who smiles too often
himself can hardly hope to enjoy
Boston Courier.
1t occasions little surprise that there
are so many decayed families when
one reflects upon the number of spoilt
children. Time.
THAT man expects to rise high in
the world "Indeed-in what wayP"
Well, he's working 10 perfect flying
machine. "-Epocd.
There is very little profit in manu-
featuring strawberry boxes for the
trade. The bottoms come too high
Ne'o orleans P,cayiae.
Maud-And what will You do now
that poor Flosse is goueP Sibyl
mourning the demise of a favorte
poodle) Il shall marryl-Puob.
Miss Wabash - How delightfully."-
your sister playsl Miss Waldo-Why,
my dear, that's the man in the back
parlor tuning the piano.-Lyt.
In this advanced age Of progress
and reform il is extremely singular
that no bench show tor dudes has vet
been established. Troy Times.
Barkeeper-Look here, you, say.
stop working that lunch coun ter.
Tramp CepruachfujlD II aiu't work.
ing; us pleasure. --Acl0 lork Sun
A Jersey City undertaken advertises
that he furnishes "everythug requisite
for a funeral" He must be- "a doctor
as well as an undertaken. TEXAS SIT
lngs
Mrs. Browgue- Suorep The idea.
Well, ! must say YOU are the first man
who ever accused me of such a thing.
Mr.. Browgne-Wh- whatl- 1cre Haute
Express.
Speaking of charges aud counter
charges, 90 to the military man for in
formation about the former and to a
saleslady about the latter Pt5isburg
Chronicle
Visitor Go the butler who is show
ing him through the picture gallery Of
the old mansion) That's fine por-
trait. Is it an old masterP Butler
No. That's an old missus. - Boston
Courier.
Wife-My new bonnet came home
this afternoon, Charlie; won't you
take me TO see Mrs. Baker Tonight
Husband Do you want to see Mrs
Baker or do you want her to see you
Time.
"What did Miss Frost say in answer
to your proposal2' "WelI she spoke
in such hoarse whisper that found
it impossible to understand her" 20,
then She probably said neign."- Boston
Gazette.
Mr. Wabash - You seem to value
your butler highlyP Mrs. Knicker-
booker Yes; / never saw his equal at
handling a tray Mr.. Wabash (sadly)
II saw a man hold four treys once. =
NeW IOrb Sun.
Mrs. Paryenu-" What do YOU think
of our statue Of Neuus?' Miss Waldo
II must confess that the face seems
to me rather hard Mrs. Paryeuu-
Perhaps you forget that it Is done in
marble.-Haypey's Bazar.
On the body Of a man found hang
my to tree in Missouri was found
this card: 81 die because am too dod-
gasted lazy to live Lots of worth
less men are living as if they were too
lazy to die. -le1as SVaags.
Businessman See here, that type
writer you sold me has no capital ii
at all. Agent--IIl have the mistake
corrected at once. They must have
sent you one intended for our English
trade 1errs Haute Express.
Mrs. Wmks-"I see by the paper
that the Government has advertised
for bids for 1000 pounds of porous
plaster What is that for?' Mr..
Winks- Going to patch up some
old ships for Samoa, probably. "-Fhtl-
1delphia Record
Corker-"You know my wife waits
up for me every night Well, fooled
her in great shape the night Of April
l." Waters "What did YOU do, stay
out all night?' Corker (chuckling)-
NO! by cracky. ] came home sober
-L0UeH citizen.
Bromley, did you tell Jones that
never told the truth?N ~ said on the
contrary, that YOU occasionally in
adyerteuDy told The truth "WeIl,
that's something else. | won't allow
any man TO intimate that I'm a con-
stitutioua liar. %
hello. Brownl ! hear you have a
new typewriter Is she good-look-
ing?n Why man, no; my wife se-
lected her" "Why. how did she come
to select her?' "Wel, you see, my
wife was a typewriter herself before !
married her life.
Col Gouaker-lt seems too good to
be true. How did you come 10 accept
an old fellow like me? Miss lugeuue
We'll, YOU see, Colonel mamma was
beginning TO act so silly and girlish
over you that had to step IN 70 pre-
vent losing her. -JUdge,
RIipEs Dp yOu believe I'm a state Of