Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1889-01-24
the NEWSPAPER LIAR.
au0orous Peck Tells How Ho Got I
Hto Work 1t Hio Exnense.

TIE NEWSPAPER LIAR.
asnoross Peck Tells How He Got 1.
Hh WORK NJ Hi Expense.
Almost every daily paper Of any pre-
tensions to greatness or enterprise
maintains . ''humorist" on its staff, q
funny fellow whose business it Is to
make the readers laugh ..ha! hal" The
following item was written by one of
those alleged humorists:
Peck, Of Psefs Ssn, won $1,000 on the cleo.
non, ont his conscience viii not permit him -
Keep It he proposes 70 dispense II to needy
widows In sums Of 90 each. Every widow IN
neeo OF cash should put in her Claim 1t once"
The laughable item was started the
Lord only knows where, but it Is
going the rounds, and am be-
ginning to get the benefit. OF course
1t l knew who the fellow was that
wrote the item / could kill him. and
that would break him of sucking eggs,
but he is ''incog." He Is like the fell
low who writes an anonymous letter.
One would think such an item could
not do any harm. It does no harm to
me. except to make my heart bleed
about twice q day. The fellow who
wrote it probably thought would re-
ceive lots Of letters from pretty widows,
and that would have a picnic answer
ing them. The facts are that never
oct = cent on election, and never won
a dollar, and while I may occasionally
give a little money to the deserving
poor, l have no thousands of dollars
laid away for the purpose Of aiding
widows or any other deserving class.
l wish the fellow who wrote that item
20 be cunning could read some of the
letters receive. If he could sit here
beside me, l could make him so
ashamed of himself that he would an
swer these letters am receiving, and
acknowledge that he was not only a
star liar but q foolish ass. These let
tiers are not from beautiful and ely"
widows, with pearly teeth. red lips.
beautiful complexion, soulful eyes. and
fat little hands, but they come from
old ladies seventy and eighty years OF
age, who have been left alone, and
who are so poor and needy. They
never knew any thing about news
paper liars. and take it for granted
that the above item is Gods truth. and
they picture to me their sufferings
and poverty and despair in such
terms that it makes me feel as Though,
if l was able, I would support them all
in luxury as long as the precious
old souls live. They tell me
now to send the money, and
how much good it will do them
this winter. One poor, loving old
creature, ignorant of the ways of the
wicked world, shivering from insult
icient clothing, has bought some
underclothes of warm wool from a
kind merchant, to be paid for when
she gets her twenty dollars from me,
and she writes such a glad letter of
thanks; and tells me that she believes
l must be a perfect image of her dear
boy who was SO kind to her, but who
was killed at Antietam, or at least she
supposes he was, for she never heard
from him after that battle, and she
says am so good she knows will go
to Heaven, and she will pray for me
every day. What opinion will the in
nocent old lady have of me when tell
her the story is all lie. and what
opinion will she have Of the liar who
wrote it to be funny. l think l will
pay for those underclothes for luck,
any way. Another letter comes from
a woman eighty-four years old, who
has been a widow for forty years. and
herself for thirty years knit
ting socks, until she became paralyzed.
and for ten years she has been in a
poor-house, bed-ridden. She tells me-
what she is going to do with her
twenty dollars. With ten dollars of it
she is going to buy blanket shawl
and some warm underclothing, and
some crab apple jelly, and a chicken
to make some soup. and little china
concern which is used to pour liquid
into the mouths of those
who can not raise their heads. Five
dollars of it she is going to use to pay |
a debt. money she borrowed nine years
ago to buy medicine, and with the rest
she is going to buy a crutch for poor
girl whose limb is shriveled, and the
rest she is going to put under her pill
ow to be used when she is dead, to
paint the poor-house coffin in which
he will be buried. and buy a shroud
md bouquet of flowers for that occa-
lion. Well, 1 can see that poor old
woman cry when l write her that the
TEN is not true. l can see the tears
.un down her wasted, wrinkled cheek,
md wish the fellow that wrote that
tenn. and thought he was smart, could
zee her as do. But l guess will
end her the blanket shawl, and the
.hina affair, and have the poor-house
olks inform her that her coffin shall
,e painted all right. and that she shall