River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1889-03-28
HONEST CARL DuNpER.
Some of the Things That Bother the Big
Hearted Teuton.

Hearted
II she vhas a cold day somepody
wants to know if he vhas cold enough
for me. Can have it shust so cold or
warm? Was / to be der shudgep
If he vhas hot day somepody wants
to know if she vhas hot enough for
me. Suppose he was or wasn't? Can
/ haf dot weather like / want him?
If / ship down on our sidewalk.
more ash ten peoples come around und
say: "Eh, Dunder. did you fall DOWN."
If / doan fall down, how vhas / dere?
lend a man some money und he
pays her back und it vhas all right
lend him some more und he shumps
oudt und eaferpody says: "Vhas a
fool you vhas! you ought to have
known betteri'
Last summer like TO hire man for
ten shilling day to work around my
house. can't find nopody. As soon as
winter comes und nopody can work
more ash feefty fellers strike me for a
quarter und say der poor vhas growing
poorer eafery day.
If it vhas so warm in der winter dot
nopody can cut ice der newspapers
vhas saying dot der peoples Will be
robbed next summer by der ice man.
If it vhas so cold dot der ice vhas two
feet thick der newspapers vhas saying
dot der coal man vhas squeezing der
life-blood out of der country.
When der days vhas short der gas
man says my bill vhas high because
der eafnings vhas so long. When der
days was long he says l must expect
big bills because / haf so much COM
pany.
If / make some shange for GUS
toner und gif him ten cents too much.
heputs it in his pocket and says hon.
esty vhas der best policy. If dot
shange vhas ten cents short, he makes
a great row aud says dere vhas no in-
ducement in dis world for a man to be
honest.
When a milkman comes in my place
for glass of beer, he says he can't
taste some hops in dot brew. When I
sip his milk and ask him where he got
dot water, he vhas so made he wants
to fight me.
A man comes in my pace eafery day
for weeks und says it vhas strange der
peoples doan' make me Gofernor. I
lend him two dollars und doan' see
hiIa again fer three months. Den I
meet him und ask Why he dean pay,
und he says she vhas strange der peo-
pies doan' ride me on a rail.
Eafery body comes to me und says I
vhas a good Teller, und dot means I
must help eafery body. If go to some
one und call him a good fellow he
winks out of his eye at me und says:
''Do you pellet Ivhas some greenhorns,
ehPn
Fife hoonered poys go by my house
on sleigh-ride, und sooch a yelling
und footing you meier heard. My poy
Shake goes out purity soon und whistles
for his dog, und policemans comes
along ind says: "Shtop dot noise.
you young Dutchman! Doan' you know
you vhas making eafery body seek!"
If goes Ply some clothing shtore for
a coat, und der price vhas too high,
der man says to me: ''Dunder like
TO assure her dot doan' make feefty
cents on dot coat at feefteen dollar /
hat only ten left" buys him, und
two days later l see a big sign in der
papers: "Big drive! one million OF
dose same coats at eight dollars, und
| doan' you forget him."
One day man meets me und says
liberty vhas dead und der Republic
gone oop. Der next Secondary der police
doan' catch his saloon open und he
slaps me on der back uud says: Lib
erty vhas all right, und der Republic
vhas der best in der world"
can't make him oudt. Maybe it
vhas better l doan' come to America
Detroit Free Press.