The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1889-04-13

ner companion had made moment before.
I then went to their assistance and all was
serene. Young ladies with number six
gloves on number seven hands should not
partake Of mineral water, or should leave
their gloves at home on the piano.
There was little game Of poker in pro-
rress at a certain room not long ago, and a
Chicago drummer made the fourth man at
the table. This drummer was one'eyed
man. A gentleman from Streator sat In the
game also. lie WAS rough and ready man,
but acted like and apparently was o gentle
man. The piles of chips before the ne'eyed
man grew larger as the game progressed
and at length he possessed every chip in the
game The gentleman from Streator reached
into his overcoat pocket and produced a
large two pound revolver and fresh pack
of cards. lie said that he did not wish to
accuse any gentleman Of stacking the deck,
but that the new pack WAS now ready, and
If the serene flow of straghts and flushes
was again interrupted from its natural
course some gentleman would have his
other eye shot out. The gentleman retained
his eye.
Here is another card story. 1t has not as
vet been told. Last summer two young
sports were running poker room not far
| from the court house, and while they were
lounging about their favorite resort one day
a country fellow requested to be shown a
game Of poker. We will name one Of the
sports Willie and the other Jim. Willie
tipled Jim the wink and took the stranger
in tow, while Jim went down and opened up
the room. Arrived at the room, Willie
bought a dollars worth Of chips, but the
countryman hesitated. He wanted to know
if he could take them home If he bought
some. The game was explained to him, but
he didn't appear to like il. He lounged
around long while, and at length proposed
to play old sledge at &" fire cents a corner ana
put The money up, no CHIPS goes" The dis
gusted sports feebly threw him down stairs
lie was an amateur detective and afterward
attempted to have their room raided, but
| without success.
.Scene.-A new house on the west side in
process of construction.
LAYFERrY fcarpenter)-Shmith, will yees
hand me the bhoord?
SCHMIDT (laborer) Yah.
He did So The board came within foot
Of Laiferty, and in reaching for it he fell
from the scrifolding full upon Schmidts
head. Both rolled into the cellar, amid a
chorus of ordinations not suitable to appear
in print.
He was from Utica and he had been read
ing of the umbrella joke in the Chicago Her
aid. He gathered few friends about him,
marched into La Sale street saloon, threw
his silk umbrella on the bar, and said:
" Can pu, my umbrella up for the
drinks?'
Certainly" replied the bartender, and
he grasped it and placed it behind the bar
The Utica man redeemed it at once and is
somewhat sadder and wiser.
*.*
Loosh Crooker, of Mendoza, was in Spring.
field the other day, and noticing " Drop
a,nicke in -the.slotand weigh yourself ma.
chine, gazed upon his ample proportions,
placed dime in the slot and stepped upon
the platform. He said that it would be an
outrage for man of his size to impose on
an automaton, and if the darned thing would
weigh him it would be cheap at double the
money. 1t didn't weigh, and concluding
that he had smashed it, he asked what the
damage would be, Someone suggested that
he follow directions. He did 80, it weighed
him, but he was disguised to find that he
hhb pcoh 'Nh'th Vut VI hi'SNh VINO ~ "
darned machine.
Undertaking is not what il used to be"
said prominent undertaken to me the
other day.
GLOW has 1t changed"
ain many ways. The ordinary pine box
with cloth covering, and the bulky cast
iron affair are out of date. The new me-
talic Is made of sheet steel, of about the
thickness of sheet iron, and light and du
rable. OF course they will rust, but they
are good for twenty years, at least. The
indestructible asbestos casket is light, and
as its name implies, will be In the ground
when Gabriel blows his trumpet. The
artificial marble casket is heavier than the
other, and is meant TO be air tight, 1t will
LAST as long rs the asbestos. The metallic
casket presents somewhat troublesome
front to grave robbers"
"Why so?'
"Well, you see, when party starts out
to rob grave, he does not propose to do