The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1889-06-22
WHAT IS A AOSsBACK.

WHAT 40 nV3SoAOAS
Several of our Oregon exchanges
are publishing the following essay
on the Oregon mossback. We do
not know who the author is but it
is evident that he is well acquaint-
ed with his subject. In reprint
ing this the word Idaho" has been
substituted for "Oregon" and the
result of this Transformation is our
own genuine Idaho mossback. You
all know him 50 don't bother
the editor by asking who it
is; we will say this much-his
name is a legion:
A mossback, my son, is the sleep
ing partner in our business relations
with the Pacific Northwest. He is
not indigenous to this corner of the
armament, but on his arrival he 30
thoroughly set his stakes down and
adopted the state with so much
determination that, for all practical
purposes, he is native.
Yes, he is peculiar to Idaho, and
would be anywhere outside of a
graveyard. But be is not peculiar
to Idahoans. All mossbacks are
Idahoans, but all Idahoans are not
mossbacks.
Webster says: "Moss is an
acrogenoes cryptogamous plant of
cellular structure with leaves and a
distinct root"
In our mossback the root is not
distinct. 1t is imbedded in his
spinal column, but he has all the
other SYMPTOMS.
The word mossback as a term of
reproach has as much earnestness.
Of application as a porous plaster.
When a man becomes moss
back he is of no use except to count
one in the census. He still breathes
but his functions have lost all hope,
all ambition and nerve. They
merely 60 around with the owner
and have life enough left to dread the
day that will consign them to the
grave with him alone to perform
upon.
In waiting for things to turn up,
the mossback displays as much in
terest as seven year-old bank note.
Yet if a thing turns down when he
expects it to turn up, he don't seem
to care. 1t is his way.
A mossback takes everything
easy, including the market price,
malaria, election returns, chills,
cod liver oil and Gods name in
vain.
He believes in patent medicines
and the ten commandments. He
likes to talk politics, and when he
does he is generally down on cor
porations and the head of a nail
keg.
He is very reminiscent, and will
go back eight miles to look for
lost Inch pin, when it is only half
mile to the next blacksmith shop.
He never leads anything unless
it is that portion of his life not yet
called in. He joins the procession
at the tail end, long after the band
has turned the bend in the road,
and he loses the step.
He takes no interest in the
human race, but hangs around the
judges stand and waits to see the
others come in. He never bets
because he can't afford to lose. and
don't know enough to win.
He has been introduced on several
occasions, but never got On speaking
terms with enterprise.
When an opportunity comes
along he goes in the house, shuts
the door and looks out the back
window.
When the mail came by stage, he
asked one of his neighbors every
day to inquire for him; now that it
comes by rail, he makes the request
only once week. He don't believe
in railroads.
He buys improved farm machin-
cry because he can get it on credit.
He leaves it out in the elements
because he hasn't paid for it.
He remembers that a rich man
can no more enter the kingdom of
Heaven than a camel can vault
through the eye of a needle. There
fore, he remains poor and thin and
will not hump himself because
that's what allied the camel.
The average mossback owns
more ground than the whole group
of Pilgrim Fathers landed upon.
Yet he cultivates only half of it and
summer fallows the balance for six
years at stretch and a dead loss.
He thinks there's money in pork,
but continues to pay IA cents
pound for bacon done up in a yellow
ochre shroud. He believes in
economy and it makes almost mad
to re alize that hens lay most when
eggs are cheap.
The mossback stays around until
he accidently meets death, or until
some ailment that no one else will
have anything to do with, gets in
terested and absorbed in him.
Then he goes off and we hear no
more about him.