Thomas County cat., 1889-12-12
THE CHRONIC uTicAToR.

| a Character That All of Us Know and
Well. Not Exactly Love.
This world of ours Is peopled with men OF
al sorts and conditions, and there would be
| a vacancy in the ranks if the chronic litigator
should become an obsolete being, with moth
ing but big Latin name and a mendacious
tombstone epitaph by which to remember
him.
You all know him-every one knows him,
and very few people have escaped hin, He
begins, when boy, on his fendish career,
and never ceases until death has overpowered
him, and perhaps not even then.
You remember the red headed boy at school,
who. when he happened to be knocked down,
would make out his injuries to he ten times
worse than they really were, and, blaming
some one, would go and try tn lave him pun
isheds He was a chronic litigator in embryo
In later years, when counting some unfortu-
nste young woman, he always scrupulously
preserves her letters, with view to suing her
for breach of promise if, when she discovers
his true nature, she gives him the mitten. He
slways frightens her into matrimony, which,
with him as husband, is purgatory.
Some day he notices that the ceiling in the
parlor is about to fall He doesn't inform
the landlord, but he says, "Let 1T fall. If it
hurts the carpet or breaks the clock We can
sue him for four or FIVE hundred Collars"
II lie discovers that there is hole ia the
asphaltor fitting plank on the walk, he
takes pains to fall into the former and break
his les, or to step on the end of the latter and
let it fly up and hit him ON the head, so that
he can Isle the city for ten thousand"
And" he remarks to the doctor, 'make
your bill all the heavier, SO that We can put
in big expense account"
He may be seen every noon on the street.
Waiting on the sidewalk until the street is
crowded with vehicles, he will suddenly jump
into their midst, and with most demoniacal
leer on his countenance look at the drivers of
the drays and wagons, as much as to say,
"Run over me if you dare and I'll sue you"
If his unfortunate neighbor is so unwary as
to let single chicken leap its confines and
scratch a single worm out of the chronic liti-
gators garden. he is going to get sued. And
the litigator is always careful to plant his
best vegetables as near his neighbor's hen
coop as he can.
Watch him on the railroad. When the
train happens to jar u little and the engine
whistles, and every one thinks there is going
to he an accident, see the way his countenance
hsueS AAC kVaSCiSOS - Sus$hSC AOA q SuAS
against the road. And when it is ascertained
that only slight hitch has occurred and
everything is all right, he sinks back into his
seat and solaces himself with reading the
court news.
Wherever he goes he is diligently Swallowed
by bevy Of lawyers. who know that they
are going to have employment before night.
All the judges fear him, and every newspaper
Office keeps his zane on the standing galley,
with the court headings.
He may sue us for writing this about him.
Paul c. West in Lawrence American.
A Tragedy of the Conservatory.
, 1t was cool in there. when the waltz was done
All green with the moonshine through it.
Somehow, l was tempted to steal-just one.
Don't know how l came to do it.
She took it NIGEL ly-indeed. her glance
Had a certain expectancy to it;
Could it possibly mean, Make the most Of Your
chance,
Now, now is the time to do it."
Her cheek had the tiniest tinge Of rose,
Shed have answered 'yes"--and knew it:
But she seemed SO ready to hear me propose.
That somehow
didn't do it. Time