, 1889-02-19
CHATTER XXXIV.

H''llsAAL+All - NfNAl AillAh ~ h9 IVA
gigantic ell
His notions are like the continent he in
habits vust, almost boundless. He has Ion
such wonders that no feels equal to doing
anything and everything.
The result Il that America Is the homo of all
rnrrtls uf eccentricitias, OF all forms of daring.
Jonathan considers that everything is to be
had. il Is but n question of will and money.
How muchf SO much Done.
Pnrisinns remember very well tho Ameri-
can millionaire who, on the occasion of his
daughters marriage, wrote to tho town
council Of Paris to ask for the loan of tho Arc
de Triompho, which he was anxious to decor
ate in honor of tho wedding, md have the
special use of during the day. He wis politely
Informed that the Arch was not to let.
''rhen | viii buy it." he replied. Name
your price"
The offer was n royal one, and tho Ameri-
can, | doubt not, thought tho town council
mad TO let slip such a chance of doing bust
ness
Jonathan would ask the queen OF England
to lend him Windsor castle for the season, II
the fancy took him.
a Bostnnian onco conceived the idea of en-
tcrtainIng his friends with tho performance
Of I'M orntorio. His driving room being
much too small to hold tho party he wished
to invite, he thought of hiring n concert
room or Il theatre for tho night.
"But, no. said he 10 himself, ian oratorio
would be much more impressive In a sacred
cdihce.r
And he set about hiring the cathedral of
the place.
Such things us these make us Europeans
smile, and We say; ''Those Yankees arc
crazy" Certainly they arc a little bit
touched.
In America the most prepostcrous ideas
find partisans-and subscribers
Thus, | saw in one of the most widely read
American newspapers the announcement Of
a company recently founded, with n capital
Of S5OO,0oo, called;
Matrimonial In1dellty Insurance Company.
Tho prospectus Of this enterprise states its
object and advantages with categorical clear
ness Each sufferer, upon presenting proofs,
is 10 receive from tho company II check us n
sort OF court plaster to patch up his lacerated
feelings | would not advise you to put n
cent into the concern. | hnvo no confidence
in the dividends OF an enterprise which might
have some day to pay a fabulous sum to n
Mormon, whose twenty or thirty wives had
taken 1t into their heads to desert In n batch.
The 'Consoler" would DO a good name for
this company Of insurance against tho risks
Of marriage
also note the existence Of a Harmony as
ISOLATION, the object of which Is to examine
men and women about TO marry, and to give
them Mr., Punch's advice, or TO stamp the
men warranted to wear and the women war
rnnted to wash. No more frauds possible.
Perhaps the association may presently under
take to furnish tho certificate of the decease
of the future mothcr-in-law.
AS n specimen OF small and armies eccen-
tricities, | extract the following from an
American newspaper:
Mrs Margaret r., Of New York, had her
leg amputnted the other day, and insisted
upon its having n Christian burial in her
family lot in Calvary cemetery. A death
certificate was made out by the doctor set
ting forth thnt tho leg had died by amputa-
ton at the Chambers Street hospital, Novem-
Der 90; that it was so years old, married, and
part mother Of a family. The leg was buried
Win all que ceremony"
Tho thing being quite natural, the news
paper makes no comment upon 1t 1t only
supplies it with a good heading, something
like "a Log Gone to Heaven in Advance Of
Its Owner"
y certain Mr.. Ambrose R., of Pittsburg,
evidently intending 10 be a defaulter at the
last Judgment, has drawn up a will giving
tho following directions for the disposal of
his remains:
II direct that my body be taken to st.
Michaels church and, after the proper re-
ligious services arc performed, that it be
given in charge of my family, who will con-
vey 1t to Samson's crematory and there have
it burned to ashes, the ashes to be put in a
small bottle and given In charge of the Ger
man consul in Pittsburg. This gentleman
will then forward my ashes to the consul in
Now York, Who will give them in charge of
the captain Of the German steamer EIba, who
will place them securely In his ship for tho
ocean voyage When at mid ocean | direct
the captain to request one of the passengers
to dress in n seafaring suit and ascend with
my ashes in his hand to the top of the top
most fmast. and, after ~pronouncing a last
benediction, to extract tho cork from tho
bottle and cast its contents to the four winds
of heaven direct also, while this
is being performed, that it DO witnessed by
oil Passengers on board. After tho Elba has
completed her trip and returned agnin to
New York, | want a full statement of my
death and the scattering of my ashes in mid
ocean published in the Pittsburg papers, so
that my friends in this city shall know my
burial place"
This reminds ono Of Chateaubriand's ocean
burial, but the sprinkling adds a touch of
humor Of which poor C~hateaubriand was
wholly destitute.
ITO be Continued