New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-08-11
THE STUB-TAILED COW.
ONE OF IINCOLNS STORIES.

washington, Aug. 0.--Stories Of President Llncolns
keen humor are seemingly inexhaustble. one, which
hlhk has never appeared In print comes from man
who held a prominent Office under Lincoln, and who
Knew the great statesman WELL At an official ball
some thieves made Off with many OF the hats and over
coats OF the guests that when the Presidential party
was ready to take leave Vice-President Hamn's head
covering was not 10 be found
IN tell you what Hamln,' said friend; early
IN the evening saw man, possessed of keen fore.
sight, hide his hat upstairs. l am sure he would be
willing TO donate it 10 the Administration, and l will
60 and get II for YOU"
When the hat produced It was discovered to be
very much after the style affected by Hamln but it
bore a badge OF mourning. which emblem the Vice
President ripped oil with his penknife. The party
stood chatting merily they waited for the carriages
to be driven up, when man stopped directly in front
Of Mr. lIamlin and STOOD staring at the tle' with
which his head was covered
What are you looking at, slr!" asked Ilamln
sharply.
Your hat' answered the man mildly. " If it had
weed on it | should say 1t mine.7
"Wcll It hasn't got weed on it, has It asked the
Vice President.
No. SIR said the hatless man, 1t hasn't"
"Then isn't your hat, is 1t ~. said the proud pos
SCISSOR Of IT,
NO, guess r),," said the man as he turned 10
walk away When this little scene was explained TO
President Lincoln he laughed heartily and said:
That reminds me, IIamn, Of a long time ago when
l was pioneering and soldering in Illinois and we put
up joke on some officers OF the United States Army.
My party and a long way off from the comforts
Of civilized lfe and only ncighbOrs were the gar
rison of a United States fort We did pretty well for
rations, had plenty of salt meat and flour, but milk
was not to be had for love money, and as we all
longed for the dccacy thought 1t pretty moan that
the officers Of the fort, who had two stubbed-
tailed one and a black and white one-ofered us no
milk though We threw out many and strong hints that
It would be acceptable. At last after much consua-
ton decided teach them lesson and borrow or
steal Of those cows, just as you choose to put It,
But how It could be done without the being at once
Identified and recovered the question. At last we hit
on a plan. one of party dispatched day.
ride TO the nearest saughcrhouse, where he procured
a long red cows tail to match the color Of the stub
tailed cow after possessing ourselves of which ami
nal We neatly tied cur purchase 10 the poor stub, and
with appetes whcttcd by long abstinence we drank
and rclishcd the sweet milk which 'Our cow gave
4 f,w DAYS afterward were hOnored by call from
the commander of the fort Say. boys said lie, we
have lost one Of our cows OF course we felt very
sorry and oppressed regret accordingly. But
continued the commander, Il over to say that
II that COW Of yours had a stub tail, should say 1t
was ours
But She hasn't stub TAIL has she p asked We
sure OF our point
".No, said the officer she certainly has not
stub tail
Well. she isn't your COW them and our argument
was unanswelabe as was IIamlin's.'