The Mason County journal. [volume] (Shelton, W.T.) 1886-1927, 1889-12-13

! then he did the wisest thing he ever did
/ In MS lie, ne boited with the daughte,
OF the late proprietor of the Methu
selah pill. and he came into a hun.
ored thousand pounds and the bust.
! ness. Then young Lord Tootle sold
out OF the guards, and settled down al
Inc age of thirty-hve to getting a:
much fun as possible out of his wife's
fortune and the Methuselah pill. Lord
fanfare was not unkind to his wife
at hrst he was quite a pattern hus.
oand' but gradually coldness arose
between them, for poor Lady Fanfare
tailed to present him with an heir,
Al the end of ten years, however. the
| little Lord Tootle was born. and at his
birth his mother died. and from tha,
time forward Lord Fanfare devoted
himself to the rearing and education
OF little Lord Tootle. Many were the
traps set for that willy old bird, Lord
Fanfare; mothers cringed to him,
daughters smiled at him, widows
ogled him. musical girls played al
him, vocal girls squalled at him: bu,
all In vain. Lord Fanfare wasn't a
marrying man, and the ladies had
their labor for their pains. They
resented that, the dear creatures-oj
course they did; and then thev had
their revenge. 1t was Lady Kitty
Candour who set it go ing; I mean
that it was Lady Kitty who first
started the rumOr of Lord Fanfare s
wickedness. You've only got to
look at him." people said, "and you'll
see that it's true at a glance. Why,
he dyes his hair, and he wears a chin
tuft-all very wicked old men dye
their hair and wear chin tufts; he
goes to Tattersall's regularly, he's
very thick with theatrical people. he's
a member of the Pandemonium Club,
and, to crown his iniquity, he's q
director of music hall company"
why does he dress as if he were a
tailor's advertisement" said Lady
Drumthwackit, whose penniless daugh-
ter Hilda had tried very hard indeed
for the old gentleman, and had miser-
ably failed.
''And he paints, ma, [ know he
| does, cried the artless Hilda, ''or how
could he have the complexion of a
youth of seventeenth
''He has wonderful complexion. ~
replied her mother. but he needn' t
have Dragged of it to all the world"
Now, the fact was that Lord Fanfare
| kept his connection with the Methuse-
lah pill very dark indeed; but he had a
wonderful complexion, and being fond
of joke, and liking to do stroke of
business at the same time, he had al
| lowed the omnibuses to literally bris-
tie with his portrait, beneath which
was the following ridiculous adver.
| tisement:
81 am sixty-five to-day, and yet,
| thanks to the Methuselah pill, my
complexion is that of boy of seven.
teen. en.-FANFARE.
You can't doubt the word of a peer
of the realm, you know, and the sale
of the Methuselah pill was vastly in.
| creased.
The fact is that Lord Fanfare wore a
chin tuft simply because chin-tufts were
in fashion when he was young bache-
lor in the guards; he went to Tattersalr s
simply because he'd gone to latter
sails all his life; he was director of a
music hall company because he was a
large shareholder. and because he
liked the little directorial suppe s,
| and because in music hall matters he
was very knowing old boy indeed.
Lord Fanfare and his friend and CO
director, Mr. David Psalmanezar,
were sitting in the directors box at
the International Palace of Varieties,
each with Brobdingnagian opera
| glass in his hand, and they were star
ing intently at the stage. upon which
| the three talented sisters, Laura, Cora
and Dora Flarer, were going through
| their well-known entertainment.
They're dirt cheap at hundred a
week." remarked Mr.. David Psalm
anezar. why, half the chappies in
town are over head and ears in love
with them. and they have to drink un'
! limited whiskys-and-sodas-our whis-
kys-and-sodas," he added, with a
/ laugh-''to drown their sorrows; and
there amt doubt" said Psalmane-
zar, who was a vulgar man. with a
chuckle, that they're Summers, and
that Laura's the stunningest of the
| three; but l don't think | should care
for her as daughter-in-law," contin-
ued Mr.. Psalmanezar.
mo. l think I should draw the line
there" remarked his Lordship.
Then why on earth don't you stop
it?'' replied Mr.. Psalmanezar.
stop it, cried his Lordship, "StoI
what?"
you've always been good pal to
me. Fanfare" remarked Psalmanezar;
..it's no business of mine. but they do
say, Fanfare, my boy, that Spindles Is
going to marry her"
Now. Spindles was nickname that
had been bestowed upon young George
Blowhard, commonly called Lord
Tootle. as the newspapers say; his fell
low chappies called him Spindles be-
hind his back and to his face. because
hts principal cha acteristic was pair