davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
Why She Was Shocked.

The English language presents many
pitfalls TO the unsuspecting foreigner,
but l never thought that kiss" and
keys" were liable to be COMPOUNDED.
Such, however, was recently the case
in this city, and a Young Secretary of
Legation or attache was the victim.
He prided himself upon his newly ac-
quired knowledge of Anglo SaXon, and
especially upon his pronunciation. Re
Gently he had occasion to change his
boarding house, and was gratified TO
find his new landlady young, pretty,
and agreeable.
Upon returning 10 the house after an
early morning stroll, he found the
chambermaids had locked the doors,
and encountering the hostess alone In
the hall, he surprised her with the un-
usual request please give me KEGS
Her incipient bushes were soon
changed into frowns at such unwonted
temerity, but when the request was re-
peated with great earnestness, and
finally supplanted by the demand, Il
must have two KEGS" she fled to the
dining-room and sought the protection
of her husband, who was reading the
morning paper. An international inn
broglio was happily averted, however,
and peace restored to the distracted
household by that now eXasperated for
eigner writing upon the margin of his
hosts journal: Il ask for two keys to
my rooms. What for You act like two
fools ?"-I dShi1l1tOn CdpitdL.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
Emphasis i'm Life.

Some people find fault because few
have so much influence III politics. in
business, in society, and even III church.
They seem to forget that it Is inevita-
BILE, and applies even in childhood and
youth. In every school and ON every
playground a few dictate the policy,
and lead in fun and hard work, in
thought and action, because of the en-
phasis they place upon what they say
and do. 1t is still in emphasis that
usually determines success. If it is
known how any one emphasizes life it
is easy to estimate the probabilities of
success. Emphasis in life is much like
emphasis in reading. The first prin-
ciple in each case is to emphasize ideas
not words. There is a radical differ
ence between the two. Superintendent
George Rowland. of Chicago, read
"Evangeline" 10 one of the grammar
schools of that city on Friday after
noon year ago, and / Glanced to be
present when the pupils read their
compositions on the reading. A bright
little foreign boy wrote: Il thought so
great a man would read very loud, bat
he didn't / thought he would empha-
size it lots. but he never emphasized a
word but, oh. my. didn't he picture
the story, though / shall see it as
long as / live" This is a vivid illus
tration of emphasis upon ideas rather
than words. This principle holds in
life. Success depends upon magnify
ing essentials. Some people tire us in
their talk because they dwell upon
minor details about which we care
nothing, while others fascinate us by
giving the pith of a story so that we do
not wish a word omitted. This is a
land and age of progress. A mans life
must show on the face of it that every
word and act tells, and that he has not
done the best he will ever do.-St
Louis ReDubLic.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
The Red Snake of New Mexico.

The pinon snake is an inhabitant of
the mountains. of New Mexico, and IL
never seen in any other section of the
country. The season of the year when
this reptile is ripe is during the months
of July AMI August The serpent is
then of bright-red color. resembling
raw meat. Prior to that date he is OF
dusky or Nenetian-red hue, and TO
the tenderfoot who has never seen one
presents horrifying aspect. A couple
of weeks ago gentleman from the
East went to Coyote canyon, and while
rummaging about the place one of
these serpents ran out of the rocks,
across the trail, into pinon tree, and
then disappeared. When the snake
first appeared the gentleman was
startled, but when he saw the thing In
the road he became frightened and
could not move from his tracks, and it
was only after the red reptile had dis
appeared that he recovered his means
of locomotion, and fled precipitately
from the spot. The canyon had lost all
interest for him, and. mounting his
horse, he came to Albuquerque imbued
with the idea that he had been drink-
ing too much.
He said nothing about the matter,
and had concluded that he had been
afflicted with an optical illusion until
he overheard an old-timer detailing his
experiences with one of these red
snakes of the mountains. The gentle
man was n prospector, and had spent
years In the rocky Businesses of Colo
RADIO, but among the wonders he had
seen never had there appeared to his
vision a red snake. While prospecting
on the north side of Santa Rosa
Mountains, at Cerillos, one hot day in
August, he became tired, and concluded
to rest. He hunted up large pinon
tree and reclined in the shade for a
quiet nap. CHANGING to look up into
the tree, he saw what he took to be a
piece of raw meat hanging across a
limb. He got up and threw n stone at
the object, which proved to be pinon
snake. The stone struck the reptile
and broke his back, and il dropped to
the ground, where, after much hest
fancy, the prospector killed it, and
upon measuring the same found its
length to he five feet nine inches. The
gentleman became interested. and then
told the prospector of the sight he had
seen. He was informed that the snake
is a reality, and also that it is harm
less, and be now drinks his mint julep
again Mt out fear of red snakes
ALb1Lg,.cl ,te Democrat.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
Bound TO Get There.

The Williamsburg Times will not
get left" on news if the editor knows
it, In recent issue he said: Don't
forget the editor when You have news
item. If your wife whips you, let us
know of it and we will set you right
before the public. If you have COM
pany, tell us-if you are not ashamed
of your visitors. If youngster ar
rives at your house and demands food
and raiment, buy quarters worth of
cigars and come around, and if YOU
are cash subscriber we will furnish n
name for him or her, as circumstances
warrant If YOU have a social gather
ing of few friends, bring around a
big cake, six or seven pies and ham
not necessarily to eat, but as guaran-
tee of good faith. You needn't bother
to invite us, as it may be little too
cool for our wardrobe. We mention
these little things because we want
the news, and will have it."
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
Pooling n Spider.

A gentleman was watching some
spiders, when it occurred to him to try
what effect the sound of a tuning fork
would have upon them. He suspected
that they would take it for the buzzine
of fly.
He selected large, ugly spider that
had been feasting on flies for two
months. The spider was at one edge
of its web. Sounding the fork, the
man touched a thread at the other side
and watched the result. Mr.. Spider
had the buzzing sound conveyed to him
over his telephone wires, but how was
he to know on which particular wire il
was travelling?
He ran to the center of the web very
quickly and felt all around until he
touched the thread against the other
end of which the fork was sounding
then, taking another thread along
just as man would take an extra
piece of rope, he ran out TO the fork
and sprang upon it.
Then he retreated little way and
looked at the fork. He was puzzled
He had expected to find buzzing fly
He got on the fork again and danced
with delight. Evidently the sound was
music TO him. Toronto Globe.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
Home Remedies.

Should these remedies seem peculiar
and strange to you, please do not (for
your own sake) reject them because OF
that; for beg leave to assure you that
they will do all claim for them: Here is
one of the prescriptions which are easily
filed in almost every farmers house.
Into bottle put two tablespoons of salt
and cover ii an inch deep with spirits of
camphor. Let il stand little while, fire.
quently shaking it, and il is ready for
use. Now / will tell you what il has
done for me. had the erysipelas badly.
My hands were swollen until my fingers
stood apart and were nearly as thick as
two hands, and the backs were dark and
almost purple in color, and great blisters
almost covering them. The blisters
bursted open and / was in great agony.
Before they were SO bad | went TO two
of those who were considered our best
physicians, but they did me no good.
Erysipelas was in possession of both feet
and was making its way on my face. A
friend spoke to me of the above Except
she said whisky and salt; we never keep
that article in the house, so / used spirits
of camphor unsteady. l began by putting
little an the side of my hand and il
seemed to cool it. 1 then put it on the
blisters and il cooled them. / then ap-
piled il to the blisters coming on my
fingers IL eased them instantly Then l
mustered all my courage and put ii into
the open blisters. Well, for half a min
ute II stung; then ii was over and my
hands were SO cool and easy that l threw
away the cloths and the doctors medi-
cines and went right to bed and TO rest.
OF course, / had to apply it frequently
until the disease was killed. Internally
/ took fifteen drops of tincture of iron,
once III two hours. That was eight or
nine years ago this coming summer
have never had even touch of erysipe-
las. When applied in time, it will kill it
inside OF few hours. Ii will kill the
poison of the sting of bee or wasp,
stopping the pain almost instantly.
When my throat gets sore Gas il often
does, | take little of the sailed cam
phor in my mouth and holding my breath
| gargle it in my throat for an instant,
then spit it out in hurry. 1t is severe,
but the last time / tried II. twice using it
was enough.
Here is another home remedy just as
eflectual in its place-that of healing
wounds. Into lineup put n half table,
spoon of white sugar, cover il with white
spirits of turpentine, set it on the stove
until it smokes. 1t is then ready for use.
Must lie applied hot as can be borne.
Here is what it has done. Last summer,
my husband caught his middle finger of
the right hand under the chain of his
binder and tore the nail OFF by the roots.
The above remedy not only healed it but
prevented its getting sore. l think he
MIXED with that hand inside of week.
A cousin ran nail into his foot by jump
ing oil n fence or wagon onto it. His foot
was very bad and getting no better. He
came here, and applied this remedy,
and in about three days he put on his
boot and went back TO his place to work.
Western Rural
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

Did you ever stop TO think OF the vast
amount OF good literature given away In
this country? This inquiry il suggested by
a few facts relative 10 the books, circulars.
etc. issued by the proprietors OF the we'll
known medicine. Hoods Sarsaparilla. over
l2OOOCO0 copies OF cook books have been
circulated within "a few years by this con-
Germ. Hoods book OF parlor games has
also contributed TO the enjoyment OF per-
haps millions 81 people. as four or five
millions of the books have been published.
The new book Of homemade candles. also
issued by the famous Lowell medicine
house, has been in great demand the past
winter. Thousands of Hoods placques
have decorated IA many homes. and the
popularity OF Hoods Calendar is something
wonderful. In all. the annual output by
G. |. Hood * Co. reaches the enormous
quantity OF 'G5,OO0.00) pieces. or one tor
every man, woman. and child IN the United
States.
Ii may be said that they wouldn't do this
II it didn't pay. That Is Just tho point. Tho
proprietors of this medicine cannot afford
TO be purely philnnthrop c, and they GER
tainly cannot afford TO advertise poor ar
ticle. There must be meTit in the medicine
10 secure the continued increasing sale
which it has. and also 10 warrant eNpend-
ing such IA vast amount or money for the
purpose OF spreading its fame in territory
where Hoods Slrsaparilla Is unknown. No
amount OF advertising can long sustain an
articls devoid OF merit. The numerous tes-
timonials show conclusively that thousands
OF people have been benefited by Hoods
Sarsaparilla. and no one can deny that a
great deal OF good has also been done bv
this high class OF adyertising.-Bufato (N
~ Express.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
Over the Painless Ocean,

Athwart vast continents traversed by mighty
iron thoroughfares, many armed like the fabied
Briareus. myriads set forth daily TO encounter
the vicissitudes OF travel, change OF climate, un
accustomed food, and an atmosphere possibly
miasmatic, yet with calm confidence that
their health viii be preserved. When this con-
fidence is based upon the possession of tn, SUI
preme medicinal defense, Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters, it is indeed we'll founded, otherwise not
Bracdsh water, bad food, the wearying and 9TH
or bad effects OF railroad iolting sea sickness
and nervousness, aggravated by n journey and
its attendant dscomforts. are shorn OF their
pcrnicious influence 10y this sterling alternative
pacifer and compromising medicine, invaluable
Tor dyspepsia. feebleness, nervousness, consti-
patton, mala ial disorders, rheumatism and kid
new COMPLAINTS.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
A EpM Pms.

Puns are said to be the lowest order
Of wit. But good pun is a stroke OF
genius. Below we give some of the
most famous puns of the ages:
John Hill Burton relates a legal
joke which to the legal mind, has all
the charms of a pun. One day bailiff,
serving a writ, had been compelled by
the defendant TO swallow the document.
In state of great agitation and anger,
the officer rushed into the court, over
which Lord Norbury was presiding, to
complain of the indignity. He was
met by the expression of his lordship's
hope that the writ was mot returnable
In his court"
Perhaps the professional wits
the natural and spontaneous punsters
often say the best things; but then
there is not always somebody at hand
with the readiness to note the good
things and preserve them. In its way
there is nothing better than the answer
given 10y Cambridge student who,
walking with visitor, was asked, as
the master of ST. Johns passed on
horseback. "Who is that 2" THAT is
st. Johns head on charger" Moth
ing better? Well, yes. we must admit
that Napier's Dispatch when he had
taken Scinde-"Peccavi' II have
sinned)-cannot he beaten although
Gen. de Bourments message TO the
French Minister of War. when the Dew
of Algiers ESCAPED him, was nearly as
good "Perdidi Diem" Il have lost a
Davl Nero. the Roman Emperor, is
said TO have perpetrated a practical
pun. He made Seneca's name con-
denim him-"Se neca" Ckill thyself).
The unhappy victim had to commit
suicide in order TO complete the perfec-
ton of the Joke. There is a very
problematic pun ascribed to Sir Fran
chs Drake, who. when he saw the Span
ish feet spread their sails in fight, is
said to have sent to Elizabeth the sim
Gle word, "Cantharides, which, as
everybody knows is "the Spanish fly. "
But Drake was not a likely man to
make a pun at any time, and still less
likely to invent so elaborate and yet SO
simple one at such moment.
Bret Harte, by the way. is not usu-
ally regarded as n professional wit,
and vet among the good things which
cling to ones memory is the couplet IN
the "Hcathen Chinee:"
Concealed in his nails, which were taper,
What is common in tapers-that's wax.
Somebody has wlittel parody, in
which candidate for examination even
beats the record of the Monaghan:
Concealed i'm his palms, which were spacious
What IL common in palms-and that's dates.
Speaking of palms recalls the famous
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

On the way from Brunswick to
Harpswell is point where four roads
meet. Nature smiles on the spot, but
it marks a uniquely cruel episode in
the history of the New England colon
lists. In 1852 Ann Conner committed
suicide in the old town of Brunswick.
Iu accordance with the old blue laws
she was buried at this place of the
meeting of the four roads, with a stake
driven through her body. This is said
to have been the only instance in which
this old law was put into execution in
this country. Journal.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
he Saw the Pronricior.

Wife-John, wish you'd go into
Coffee 4 Co.'S when you're dowr
town and see why they haven't sent NJ
the groceries / ordered by postal care
two days ago It's shameful to neglec
my order so. Just give them rea
hard scolding, will you, John?
john shall go there and see Mr.
Coffee himelf about it,
John Tan hour later)-Mr. Coffee
here's an order on this postal card tina
I've carried in my pocket two days.
wish you'd get the goods up to TIN
house early this morning; will you
please ?-Epoch.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
FROM SAVAGE TO CIVILIZATION.

SWIFT'S SPECIFIC is a simple
vegetable compound prepared from
roots freshly gathered from the forests.
The formula was obtained from the
Greek Indians by the whites who had
witnessed the wonderful cures of blood
diseases made 10y that tribe. 1t has
been used since 1929, and has been the
greatest blessing to mankind in curing
diseases of the blood, in many instances
after all other remedies had failed.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
New Firm.

where did you buy your new dress,
Bridget" asked lady in suburban
Roxbury the other day of her newly
imported Irish domestic
AT Push & Pulls store on Wash
ington street it was, ma'am, replied
the girl.
Push & Pull's?" queried the mis-
tress. Il really do not recall any such
firm in Boston. Are You not mistaken
as to the name?"
II think not, ma'am," said Bridget,
confidently. AT any rate, that's phwat
it said on the door"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

STICK to your business" is very good
advice. but still there are great many peo-
pie in the world who have no regular and
profitable bC siness to stick to- and there
are others who are following line OF busi-
ness which Is maniiestly unsuted to them.
Now. whom such is the case, you had better
write TO Is. L. Johnson a. Co., Richmond.
Va. and seo II they cannot give you a
pointer. They have helped n great many
men and women along the way TO fortune.
and now stand ready TO assist you, too.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
Why They Lead.

DR.. Pie-ce's medicines outsell all others.
because OF their possessing such superb or
curative properties as 20 warrant their
manu- lecturers in supplying them to the
people (as they are doing through all drug
gistsl on such conditions as no other medi-
cines are sold under. viz: that they sh all
either benefit or cure the patient. or all
money paid for them will be refunded. The
Golden Medical Discovery is specific for
catarrh in the head and all bronchial.
throat. and lung diseases. IL taken In time
and given "a fair trial. Money will be re-
funded ii il does not benefit or cure.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
A Cure for LOckiaW.

Lockjaw is popularity believed to he
invariably fatal. Recoveries are, in
deed, comparatively rare, and vet they
do take place The proportion of them
is much larger now than it was score
of years ago, and it is safe to predict
that it will grow larger as time goes
on and the malady is better understood
Prof. Rienzi since 1882 has applied one
form of treatment in six cases, with
the result of obtaining five cures. The
essentials of his treatment are as fol-
lows: /. The patient, having the ears
stuffed with cotton or wax, is to he
kept in a quiet room and total dark
ness. 2. The sick room, as well as the
adjoining ones, is to he thickly car
peted in order to avoid the noise of
footsteps. 3. The room is to be opened
for ventilation every four hours with
the greatest care The diet is to con-
sist of liquids, milk, eggs beaten in
broth. water and wine, etc. 4. All
light necessary shall carefully be COW
cred from the sight of the sick >. If
constipation exists, both purgatives
and injection are interdicted. Above
all, quietness is necessary. q. Should
the pains be intense, with the object of
quoting, powdered belladonna and
ergot of rye should be used.
DURELY--What's the matter; why
do You make such frightful grimaces?
Dudely-These internal shoes are too
tight. Durely-Why don't YOU get rid
of them, then? DUDLEY (philosoph-
ically)-I don't want TO. They're not
exactly comfortable, YOU know, but then
they help fellow forget whole lot of
his other miseries. -Cinc inndH Com
mercidi.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

BEFORE offering yourself to the
plump-looking toboggan girl you met
last winter, perhaps il would be as
well to wait until You see her on the
beach this suramer.-Life.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

WIBBLE-What do you think of this
idea of adopting the sunfower as the
national flower? Wabble - Pretty
good idea, / think. 1t is typical of
quite numerous class of Americans.
1t makes big spread all summer and
is seedy in the fall.-Terre Hdute Err
press.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

pun Of the Bishop of Oxford. who.
when asked by lady why he was
nicknamed "Soapy SAM" replied /:
Because, madam, / am always getting
into hot water, and always coming out
with clean hands"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

l.. CRAGIN & Co. OF Phila.. the mfrs. OF
Dobotns' Electric Soap. say they would rather
close up their immense works than To put
one grain OF ddalterdtiOH in their Dobbins'
Electric Soap. Would that all were as honest.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

IT is true that charity is not so pop
ular virtue as it might be, for, though
it covers multitude of sins. in sum-
mer it is too warm for wrap of any
kind, and in winter You can get more
solid comfort out of an overcoat.-
baltimore Imericdn.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

FIRST theater-goer-Is that new
comedy farce at the Fashion Theater
worth seeing? Second theater-goer-
It's grand success absolutely idiotic
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

swift's Specific cured me of terrible letter trsus
which had suffered for twenty Ions years. have
been entirely well for i've years and no Sign %
any return OF the disease.
Rogers, Ara. May 1, 1889. VII. W1e.x.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

One bottle Of =. s. s. cured my of boils ss1
risings. which resulted from malaTial poison. spS
affected him all the summer. lie had treatmsnt
from five doctors who tailed 10 benefit him.
Csvansl. Indian Ter. J-B. WIZ
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

Mid, equabe climate. certain and abundant
crops. Best fruit, grain, grass and stock coun-
try in the world. Full information free Address
the Oregon Immigration Board Portland, Oregon.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

have taken swifts Specific for secondary blood
poison. and derived great beneht IL acts much bss
ter than potash any other remedy thsi have rysv
used. BIZ WISGFIELD. NJ D. Richmond. Va
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

Az artist and a gourmand have
something in common. Each thinks q
great deal Of his palate.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03

A DOG will bark up tree. So will q
horse, IL hitched 10 one too long.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-07-03
A Stake Through Her Body.

Dr. PIERcE's PELLETs-gently laxative or
actively cathartic according TO dose. Is