Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1889-01-03
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.



A scREw-DRIvER-The engine of a
steamship. r y.
A TIME-TABLE-The watch dealers
price list.
PRoMssoRY notes are frequently
classed as paper-waits.
LADY invited to party sent her
regrets. Her husband cam,.
THERE promises to be great deal Of
back talk in the phonograph.
TIME never flies Sd fast aB when you
are playing billiards by the hour.
They call it "duck of bonnet"
because there is 80 much bill 10 it.
The way for a doctor to become we'll
known is to make his patients W, IL.
"THERE are no flies on me" said a
stage after the theater burn ID down.
A WISE man will never lift lid offa
hot stove with his fingers moro than
once.
To THE youth struggling with an in
cipient mnstaohe the darkest hnnr 10
just before the "down."
II WILL now put on my falls suit"
said the guide at Niagara as he pre-
pared TO go under the cataract. ,e
ALL the New York papers are com
planning that our gold is going abroad
1t can probably afford the trip
A GIRL may not see much in her
sweetheart to laugh at, but his mus
tache is pretty sure to tickle her.
WE will either have to quit taking
wood on subscription or lose q good
deal OF confidence in human nature.
THERE is only the difference of an
between woman's weakness and mans
weakness: One is gossip and the other
is go sip.
SOCIAL Ihilosopher-Is marriage a
failure? Furniture man Great Scot
No. I've made $1,000 this year on baby
coaches alone.
A FASHION exchange says: "Bangs
are again in order" Some of them are
not. In fact, we've seen some very
much out of order.
John, you are not listening to one
word 1 am saying" "Why, my dear, 1
am all ears." Il know you are, and that
makes it all the more provoke .ng."
The phonograph shows that mans
voice has not the same sound to him
self that it has to others, thus finally
explaining why some people persist in
singing.
BLNKs-Think yoIr wife would OBJ
ject to having You go off duck shooting
with me? Jinks-I'm afraid she wolld
if 1 asked her, but I'll tell my little son
to order her to let me 60. She always
obeys him.
SHE-Now you know there is no use
for you to go out and see man this
time, like you do at home. You don't
know soul in the city. He--No, /
don't know a soul, but / expect to meet
q few spirits / am acquainted with.
"GEoRGE, dear, what beautiful dia-
al don't see why it wants to Ay,"
Qrowled George. Heaven knows it's
high enough now. The roll-plate
counter is at the other end of the
store. Come on"
VISITOR Ito press-rooms of a news
paper)-Why, dear me, what lot O.
machinery you have in this roomi
Pro ssman-Yes. V.-And what O big
boiler you have there. PIT is a big
loiler. Wis that the boiler you use
| lOT DOiA1uB uOWh yOuA uASPooOhco'
CASHIER (stopping Mr.. Dumley)-
BY the way, Dumley, see that your
bank account is overdrawn to the tune
of $3.50. Dumley-All right, old man !;
if you send boy down to my Office
with statement of the whole business,
I'll give you q check for the amount.
"AB,. said Mr.. Scourplate, grimly.
as he adjusted his necktie, "we ave to
put hup with the airs of these society
people hall day; but when ovenink
comes, me boy, they show wot the truly
genteel is by puttink on the dress TINT
we wear all day!" That's so, replied
Mr.. Crumbcloth with grave rod.
"You ave q great 'ead, Tummi'; we
walters be the real leaders OF fashion +"
HosTEss-I must apologize for the
salad to-night My parlor maid usl-
ally makes the dressing, and is an adept
. at il, but she was taken suddenly i'll
this afternoon and couldn't make H..
Mrs. Asinine (sympathetically)-How
very provoking. Hoste tess-Yes; tried
! TO dose her we'll, but it was of no use-
She was quite hors du combat. Mrs.
Asinine(more sympathetically)-Is that
so? My unfailing remedy for that Is
,, peppermint.
THREE AS1Els.