St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-01
TWO TONGUES.
Joys and Sorrows of a Doubly
Armed Female.

$50 that's the two-tongued girl
murmured tall. lank individual, as he
gazed upon pretty Fannie Greenwald at
the Dime museum.
eyes, that is she," assented the lect-
urer in his pure Anglo-Saxon.
been that way since birth, hasn't
she?" continued the thin man. Il
thought so. Say, don't you think she
ought to he killed."
"Whatp' demanded the lecturer in
horror stricken accents. Would you
cut off that fair young flower, whose
budding beauty is just beginning to
make more lovely this dull and sofdld
earth? Would you close forever those
soft blue eyes that seem OF heaven?
Would you lay that dainty head with
the dainty fiaxen curls i'll the narrow
tomb? Begone, sir, with your base
thoughts
"She ought to be killed." repeated
the tall man, positively.
fiercely, all the fine. delicate feelings
rising to the surface and giving his face
a fine Titan flush, while his hair be-
came a little more perpendicular.
because it is dangerous prece-
dent" announced the tall man, slowly
and with mournful emphasis on each
word, which indicated that he was adj
vancing a proposition that would en-
gage the attention of the thinking men
of the world.
"a dangerous precedent" repeated
the lecturer, with strong stress on the
adjective. why, SIT, you are not wor-
thy to be called a man. Know you moth
ing of the sweet music OF WOmen's soft
speech? 1t is the melody of the gods.
1t is the most beautiful harmony of
sounds in nature Have you not hung
on the wooing accents as they fell from
cherry lips, and while the ear is made
drunken with the melody, the eye is
captivated by the lovely face? And,
while listening, have you not wished
that you had lived long ago in the deep
silence "before the winds were made"
and that the fair creature had a thou
sand tongues to speak to yOu"
pardon me, but yon have tendency
to make me ill.," said the thin man,
after he had gazed upon the lecturer in
a surprised sort of a way for few mo-
mentS.
There was pause, during which the
lecturer gaZed into space with far-aWay
eyes, and the thin man drew large,
blonde peanuts from his pocket and pro-
ceeded to n asticate them.
"Marriedw demanded the thin man,
abruptly.
"No-ah-that is"
"You are willing to be, see. Young
man, am married" and the thin mans
tones grew deep and earnest; $50 listen,
for know whereof speak. When you
are counting a two-tongued girl it would
he very pleasant, indeed. With one
tongue she could eat onions, for in
stance, so when you came to kiss her
you would not get the beneft0f it. And
it would be very nice tor the girl, for
with one tongue she could call her
mother appeared dishwasher and with
the other discourse with you about the
dignity of domestic pursuits, and how it
would break her heart to leave her kind
mother, whom she loved with a strong
with the Meisterschaft SYSTEM"
.'Sir,p interrupted the lecturer, in
chilling accents, ''you are cold, hard,
unfeeIing BRUTE" Then the lecturer
bit another quarter section out of a plug
of tobacco and prepared to listen.
but when you're married, you'll find
that it is different. You may have been
Informed that one or two people who
are not discussing Robert ElSmere are
trying to find out if marriage is fail
ure. Sir, marriage is failure, but
with two-tongued wife it would be a
riotous. unholy farce. With one tongue
your vile would be toying with your
sensitive feelings for staying out after
o'clock, while with the other she
would be jumping upon you for looking
at the servant girl oftener than twice
week. With one she would coax you to
buy her sealskin sacque, while with
the other inform you casually that she
would have to have her mother visit her
if she didn't get it. With one she
would discourse eloquently about the
rights of woman. She would tell you
what brutes and tyrants men are. With
One-but the outlook is so appalling
dare not go further. But one thing is
certain, that girl ought to be killed; the
precedent is too dangerous"
"Why?" asked the lecturer absently.
because when that girl is married
and she realizes the advantage two
tongues give her, she will Immediately
do her utmost to give her children the
same unhallowed double tongue she
possesses, and in few years the world
will be full of them"
The lecturer smiled sadly and walked
away.