Idaho news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1887-1891, 1889-05-25
MARK TWAIN


a Charitable and Stupid Compost
or Makes a Fool OF a Fly Re-
porter
Mo- said Mark Twain a week on
two ago as he sat in his room at the
Murray Hin hotel and dreamily watch
ed the smoke from the pipe which he
was putting. mo; I would not say
that it was the best thing that ever
wrote, but l remember that was
pretty proud of it at the time and was
decidedly disappointed when il didn't
come out the next day. / didn't know
until you told me that the story had
ever reached this part OF the country.
But You haven't got il juss right; it
wasn't the foreman at all; it was n fool
of a compositor who ruined abe story.
Poor devil! | suppose he is dead nov,
and it doesn't much matter what we
say about his stupidity. But he was
certainly an awful fool.
You have one part of il right, y con
tinued the humorist. saIt happened
when was reporter ON the Virginia
City Enterprise. was assigned 10 re-
POtt a NAhhOA gwen " q party Vi SUU1S
of the most VIGOROUSLY hard drinkers
in town, and Virginia City was mot
supporting many temperance unions at
that time. Everybody knew that the
dinner was going to resolve itself into
glorious drunk, and the result proved
that everybody was right OF course
i didn't want TO be too hard on the
boys in reporting their dinner, and vet,
as a truthful reporter, l had to give the
public to understand Just what had
taken place there. In happy moment
l conceived the idea of conveying this
Information in delicate way without
really saying that all hands were
drunk. My plan was to begin my re-
port IN the regular etlt-and-dried way.
After giving a few sentences in this
way grew little more careless in my
style. Gradually | became more and
more mixed up in my language. until
at last the words were written without
any real or apparent connection with
each other. | tried my best to give the
reader the idea that as / wrote the re-
port | became more and more intoxi-
Gated, until | wound up in stupidity
drunken condition was greatly in
terested in carrying on this plan as
well and naturally as / could, and
when after an hours hard work
the report was finished felt that had
written the very funniest thing that
had ever appeared in that paper. The
copy went out without being read, and
the first part of it was set up lust as /
had written it
The fool composition Cos hold OF the
last part and of course couldn't make
head or tail of it. Instead of setting
1t up as he found it and leaving the
rest to the proof-reader or editor he
made up his mind that had really
been drunk when | wrote it. He was
a kind-heafted man and he never liked
10 see one OF the boys in trouble. So
he calmly proceeded to change my
copy and put in little connecting words
so as to make sense of it. 1t was all
done with the kindest intention in the
world. He didn't want to see me dis
for being drunk. Then he de-
stroyed my copy so that It couldn't be
brought in evidence OF my damning
guilt.
II would't care TO say how fearfully
l was when | picked up
the Enterprise the next day and looked
for my funny report Ii was as coldly
stupid as 10-year-old patent Office re-
port. wept scaiding tears and left the
office. On the street | met the com
positor who had taken such pains to fix
my story for me. He looked so happy
when he told me how he had been the
means OF keeping me out OF trouble
with the managers of the paper that /
hadn't the heart to tell him what a
fool he actually was / was sorry after
ward that didn't do so, however, for
discovered that for years he told the
story OF how he saved me from dis
grace In half OF the newspaper Offices
west of the Mississippi river. He was
an old man and so think that he must
be dead by this time II he isn't he is
probably telling his version OF the
story vet New YORK. Eva1in,, c,,r