St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-05-04


they would only give faint idea Of L.
The whole world seemed swept away.
stood alone in . whiriine rhAos Of
darkness. I stood; / did act faint or
fall down. | stood and felt my heart
beating very hard and fast I cAA rot
remember how the setsaf ran-save
tho closing words. '.My lore Is dead"
l know she accused me Of all crimes:
OF ~aeaith, untruth. uhmanliRees, ego
osm. bad temper. NsA heart. She left
me not one virtue; she stripped me in
q second OF every goodness. She! My
wife! 1t was her handwriting! She.
who but week before had poured out
her love for me in passionate pretesta-
tons! Itried to think. bat could not
thrust her letter Ia the ire and saw
1t burn. May you burn thus in tho
internal regions" I muttered, then
suddenly recovered myself and said:
oh. no; not that! You have killed
me-killed me! But I forgive you.
One dies but once! My time has conner
Having so decided l grew very calm
all excepting my heart which beat
horribly. l determined to write her Y
last letter. Very brief-very earnest
May you be happy. knowing you have
killed nse" wrote more. but can not
now recall what I said. Iput ON INV
hat and OvercOat and went down into
the street. l went even to the post
ofice. I remember now how strange
y I felt. walking through the
crowds Of people. / did not feel my
weakness SO much until I entered the
post-office corridor. My limbs we're
numb; was rs one paralyzed. I
bought the stamp ut the stamp win
dow. There were a great many per-
sons there. but regarded them all as
far on. had already shaken of the
ties OF the world. Twas anxious. eager.
impatient to get out Of my body. I did
not care for any thing else but death.
Even the thought of my wife caused
me no emotion now. I had got past
that She was no more to me than a
square in the floor OF the post-ofIice. cr
one of the great pillars. or a s.uNe In
the street through which psssed to
return to my room. began to feel IN
ease. q sense 9: pesce. Nothing. moth
Ing cou!!1 ever Cypress me again; moth
int could ever cause me terror.
Whether the next world was any thing
or not did not 50 much care. The
cool quietu3e Of the grave invited me;
l thought of lying dead. alone. in .
strange city. The dark of an under
takers shop: the screwing down of the
coffin lid shutting me safely away from
all future agonies! 1t somehow pleased
me to dwell upon that! The screws
winding gently Into the wood 70 stay
forever and ever-until the wood
should have crumbled into dust. I
liked to think Of my own nesh
crumbling aud mingling with the dust,
and some sweet flower to spring up out
Of me-a violet perhaps. I wondered
what the newspapers would say. just
the briefest paragraph: dead In his
bed! Another unfortunately Or. per-
haps, some sensational heading and
prurient speculation as to Why took
my own life.
/ waited for evening. went 70 Sow
oral drug stores and bought at each .
small quantity Of the same poison
to have sufficient Then I
went to my lodgings. had not eaten
a mouthful all day long. I waited for
it to be SO late that no one would come
to my room. I did not want to be dis
until too late for resuscitation.
l threw all my things into my one
trunk and locked It placing the key In
my pocket. Upon a card I wrote the
name and address of my wife This
laid on the table. She should Know
how I had died. and why. Iwaited
for it to be eleven o'clock.
When the clock hands pointed to
eleven and twelve shook the nause-
Gus powder into . glass. poured . lit
tie water upon il, stirred It. and drank
Of it. turned the gas low. threw OF
= little of my clothing. and flung my
self upon the bed. Then ! prayed:
% God. be pitiful! Have mercy! I
have not been a very bad man! I
loved my wife-I loved her and was
true to her! Have pity and forgive.
dear Lord!" I felt my head swim
ming; the blood was rushing into 1t;
my eyes were strange; felt no pain;
m nDHkin~e
There is a fash OF light What IL
this? Darkness again. Another fash.
An arm is under my neck. ISee = |
lace. / swallow from a spoon held 1t |
my lips. Nothing. Flash again. This |
time two faces. just the faces. no
bodies. A mans and wOman'& Tho |
man rips down the coverlet that lies
over me and lays his ear to my heart |
His movements are lightning-like.
Dark again. Another fash. A spoon
It my lips and / swallow. These |
lashes seem but moments apart-yet |
here are hours between them. Each |
one is a little longer. At
asst comes light that is not fash.
see a light-gas-light. A day has |
passed. Where am L? An intolerable |
,ain is in my arms-at my elbows.
They feel as il broken. am begin
ling to be conscious o. God! am
to remember!
Why have they not let me die? Why
ave they forced me to existf Why
hould they condemn me TO suffer.
an not see very well. There are
igures passing in and out Of my room.
hadOw-like. can not discern their