Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-11-06

ures don't lie ?-Y Yonkers Statesman.
Dyspepsia and a broken heart ex-
hibit wonderful similarity in their
surface indications. Milwaukee Jour
nal.
The man who gives the shortest
measure in this world will want the
longest harp in the next.-The Gold
en- Perhaps.
Then he went. He Cat 1880 p. NJ
Il feel wound up tonight.
She-Why, you don't seem to go.
New York Sun.
Recently incorporated. Deacon
Jones--"Oh, Lord, bless our village.
(In apologetic tones) Ahem? l mean
our city."-.Life.
Oddly enough, if there is any place
in the wide world where a fair lady
won't do the fair thing, it is at the
fair.-Somerville Journal.
People who like to see the smaller
combattant win the battle always take
pleasure in a mill between a bulldog
and hornet.-Binghampton Repub-
lican.
In a dudes pocket. First quarter
Hello! / thought I'd just drop in.
Are you alone (!
Second quarter-I'm loan.
First quarter-So am Life.
She was informed. Foodlebhoy-
Not at home? Why, l told her I'd
call this afternoon.
Footman-Yes, sir so she told me
when she gave me the message.-Ex.
"How intense are the fires of love!'
calculated the poet.
"Yes," said the father of six mar.
riageable daughters, "but they do take
an awful sight O. coal.-Harpers Ba-
Ear.
Theater goer-The love scene in
your play is not half so natural as it
used to be. The same people do it,
too.
Manager-Ycs but the lovers were
married during their last vacation
Elk.
Doctor-Take the powders as di-
rected and your cold will be gone in
two or three days.
Patient-You seem quite hoarse,
doctor.
Doctor-Yes; I've had bad cold
for four weeks.
Hans, you got punished to-day
what for?
Because, papa, Edward Lang had
been fighting.
And with whom had Edward been
fighting
With me, papa.-Ex.
Business before pleasure. Minister
What pleasure to be good. Are
you good, Tommy?
Tommy-No, not very, but Pm go.
ing to turn oyer new leaf soon as
lick that Thompson kid-business be-
fore pleasure-that's my MOTTO Ex
Mr.. Smart Gas the church goers pass
I'm surprised that Miss Sweet per.
mits Bodsworth to accompany her
He's about the freshest young fellow
| know.
Mrs. Smart--Perhaps that's the
reason why she let him carry hci
Psalter.-Boston Times.
Dearer and not cheaper. Mrs. G.
Pm going to the dressmakcrs, Tom
and owe her $50. Will you be an
cry with me if | ask you for a little
money?
Mr.. Glow could / be angry
with you when you grow dearer and
dearer to me every day.-Ex.
Fond mamma-Oh, uncle, you
should see our darling baby when
play the piano. He just listens by
the hour, and when / cease playing
the nurse has to take him away. he
cries so awfully.
Cynical uncle-Perhaps-aw-my
dear, he-aw-weeps for-aw-joy
-Ex.
In small town in Baden minis
ter closed his sermon, the other day
with these words: "We would be
pleased, moreover, to have the young
man who is now standing outside the
door come in and make certain wheth.
er she is here or not. That would be
a great deal better than opening the
door half an inch and exposing the
people in the back row of seats 10 a
draught. ."-Ex.
An underground mystery. Uncle
81 Low (watching the pile drivers a,
work on West street foundation y
Waal, / swow I've heerd about vel