Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1889-08-03
the LlMEkILN, CLUE.


y"
The meeting opened in due and ancient
form. ',De Hon. Davis ar known to I
OF YOU Us de inventor of root
beer, an de man who lust found out
dat dog sleepin' under the bed made
II unhealthy fur de pussons above. lie
ar on his way To de Norf Pole. an has
stepped of yere fur day or so TO visit
dis club an deliber his address. De
address which he will favor us wild To-
night ar named 'l5e Laws OF Health.
an trust da, he will receive your on
divided attenshun while he speaks. He
will now be- brung in an intcrdueed. Z"
And he attracted much attention as
he passed up the aisle to the platform.
lie seemed to have been Intended for n
man seven feet high. but had somehow 4
got snwed off at about five. His left |
shoulder was Topped pretty badly. hls
head had failed TO grow u crop OF hair.
and his right leg fingered bchind Us his
left went forward. Waydown Bebee
couldn't see any thing literary about
the man. He looked more like some
unsuccessful candidate for the Presi-
dency.
The honorable didn't waste much
time In getting down 10 business. He
investigated the contents OF the pitcher
of buttermilk placed before him with
sigh ~ satisfaction. wiped of his
mouth from north 10 south and back
again. aud in voice resonant Of cow
bells and libeiss he said:
"My frens, what is health? doan'
'spose one single pusson In dis hall has
eber giben de ieast thought 10 dat
| Queshun. Dar' ar two sorts OF health
good an bad Agitation. Some
| OF us hev one sort an soma de odder.
As rule. man ar bo' n In good health.
Natur starts him ont all right, an II
any thing happens 10 gin him de bill.
yous colick it's his own fault. Sup
pressed groans. Dar ar sartin laws
to govern society. sich rs not stealth
anybody's chickens - keepin' away
from odder peoples wood d-piles gwine
right by a smoked ham which de
butcher has keeriessiy left hangin' out
doahs ober night. [Sensation on the
back seats. II you obey dose laws
you needn't be skeort an jump under
de bed when policeman knocks on de
doah. lf you doan obey 'em you
must suffer the quenseconses.
my frens." continued the orator
after looking into the pitcher again,
''dar' am sartiu laws regardin' health
Dey Is Natur's laws. She holds usI jisi
as accountable as de police. Fur in
stance, II Pickles Smith Invites Samue
Shinober TO his honse to dinner whai
does Samuel dop lie donn' eat muffin
fur two days befo' hand. and when h.
sots down TO dat table. groanin wild al
de luxuries which wealth kin purchase
he calkerlates on filling right up 10 th.
brim. lie eats till dey hev TO draw hin
away from do table. He has trans
gressed law OF natur'. Natur' say
we mus not obererowd our stomachs
fAgitation. Along about midnigh
Samuel Is tooken wild awful pains. an
three doctors hey hard work To saw
his life. Faint cheers
..Natur' says We need bout eigh
. hours sleep. Giyeadam Jones goe
ober TO see Elder Toots. an dey sot an
4 play checkers till two o'clock In q
mawnin'. Mex day boat am limpir
y around an growiin' bout de weathe
. an cussin' de rich. Agitation.J DE
0 transgressed Law of natur' an NJ
= payin' de- penalty; but In deir rignerene
!. dey lay II To any thin else. shindi
Q Watkins hires out fur private watel
d man at u saw-mill. Seven o. clock ccms
Q an' he lays hisself away on pile /,
o lumber an' sleeps till half-past six !
= mex mornin'. Den he gifts up a
: growls about dis bein' a billyus kentr,
u an labor bein' crushed by capital, al
n goes home To tell de- ole woman ii
A liberty am a sham an delusion. 1
. transgressed a Law Of natur' slept Il
y long. [Gasps Of astonishment.
n .My dear frcns." continued the or
. tor as he gulpcd down the last of Il
IL buttermilk. '.dar' am sariin pussol
g who regard de human stomach as
10 sort o carpet-bag furnished free graf
q By natur'. In de co.'s Of day dey W
10 throw in whisky. beer, ginger al
ps soda water. coffee. ice-water.. mea
ID 'taiers. sugar. vinegar. apples. berrie
Q. vegetables. an whateber else com
le handy. De stomach kicks, or orter. a
Is de owner is greatly surprised about
V rCheers.l 1t il only in de las II
le vars dat dc Guild people of dis kent
~ hev come to realize dat dey had nos
= an lungs. [sensation. Colon
I'd Huckleberry jackson used to wond
ne why de smell OF burnin' feathe
ne choked him up. but he sot il down "a
he monopoly of some sort. lie let his thr
o dogs sleep under his bed an We
We around gucssin' data rat had died u
2. der de house. l.anghter
I'd "Dar am sartin laws OF health viii
ne ar arbitrary an ar broken at W
~ peril.
.'Doan' go 10 sleep wild your {,
stiekin' up to a night breeze to cool {
''Doan' sprinkle de sheets wild
wafer to cool of the bed.
ra ..Doan' git yer har clipped of VIII
up de wind is III de norf
he "Doan let your feet 60 from Octol
"a 10 June an den draw hull tub OF G
~! water an try TO git frew wild de job
one evenin'.
I'll ''If you hev bin chased by de pol
led until you perspire doan' sit down o