Morning journal and courier., 1889-07-19
NECESSARY.

There is nothing like being all broken ur
to make man see the necessity of mendine
his ways.-Burlington Free Press.
When an employe "severs his connection
with the concern that hires him it is often az
much as ever he escapes having his resigna-
tion rendered to him.-Lowell Courier
'Well, MI. r.Assessor, what are you going to
make out of your boys" ri think he will do
for policeman, because I can never find
him when want ."-FIiegende Batter.
"Things do even up pretty we'll in this
world, as rule, " unused the paragraph man.
First make little joke on hash, and then
the compositor makes hash out Of the little
joke. boston Post.
Delinquent Subscriber-sI don't like the
Spread Eagle as used to. I think the paper
is rather dry" Sarcastic Editor-''I don't
see how it can be dry. There is considerable
due on your copy Pittsburg Post.
Must Have Been False. Little Roger
"Uncle John, I heard papa say you got pretty
we'll soaked last night. Did 1t rain very harda"
Uncle John with a sickly smile)-sI don't
exactly remember, Roger; I know was dry
enough. h."-Puck.
Bootblack No. 1-"wot's der matter wild
yer, Skinnya Amt made nickel all day!'
Blinker, de biz is knocked out wild dem russell
shoes. Use got to shine wild yaller paint, er
else go to convent or be nun er some
thin. '."-Pittsburgh Bulletin.
Mrs. Hunnemune Gas the train emerges
from long tunnel)-"Dear me, John, did
you kiss me just now in the darkan MI. Hun
nemune (glanoing around to find the perpe-
traitor Of the chestnutty outrage)-"No, in.
deed! wonder who dared to!" Mrs. Hume
mune (simply)-"Nobody. But you missed
a splendid chance, John. PUCK.
Eddie is Left.-Amy-"I have two suit
ors love equally we'll, what can I doa''
an m. artist, and Arthur, a reporter" Lulu
''Take Arthur" Amy-"Whya" Lulu
"You goose, he can describe your trousseau
and the wedding in his paper" Amy-"So
he can, dear rthur."-The Epoch.
Caterers foreman-'sMr. Ruche, I don't
know what we are going to do with that
Roman punch. Dobbs has put SO much new
rum in it that there is no sale for it.'
Csterer-"Send it to that temperance socie-
| sherbet on the menu. 1t will be great card
for u.s. Well get all their trade in the
future. Exchange.
Sweet girl Tin rowboat)-"What Is this
place In the back of the boat fors" Nice
young man-"That is to put an oar in when
you want to soull the boat. Rowing requires
| both oars, one on each side; but in sculling
one oar only is used. This is placed at the
| back and worked with one hand" Sweet
girl (after meditation)-"I wish you would
| try sculling while."-New York Weekly.
| "Weigh me, please" said Briggs. as hs
| stopped on tho grocer's scales. The man who
manipulated the weights looked at him il
astonishment. Briggs looked as though b.
ought to weigh about 100 pounds, but the
beam balanced at 202. "You must have
something heavy about your Clothes" said
the grocer. "Oh, that's it," rejoined Briggs
! have my summers ice bill in my pocket. u
| New York Sun.
"Laura," said the young lady's mother,
not unkindly, sit seems to me that you had
| the gas turned rather low last evening"" "It
was solely for economy, mamms," answered
| the maiden. "There is no use trying to beat
the gas company, my daughter. I have no.
tioed tina. the shutting off of the gas is al
ways followed by corresponding increase of
pressure" "Well, that lessons the waist,
doesn't it, mamma, DEAR" replied the artless
girl. And her fond parent could find no
more to say.-Terre Haute Express.