Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-02-25

ode darkey's hour am jes' befo' day. ,
said Uncle Aaron, as he invaded his neigh
boris chicken-roost at 3 a. IN.
Man seldom amounts to much until he
gets married. And very often his useful
ness fails to materialiZe then.
The great trouble with those who go to
the bad is that they do not think to pro-
vide themselves with a return ticket.
A clergyman, who married a couple of
deaf mutes the other day, made a bad
break when he wished them "unspeakable
bliss"
-Four hunters fire simultaneously at a
rabbit that keeps on running, and they
ask altogether: Il wonder who missed
that time?"
Jarvis-How true the proverb is that a
Dan II what hio wife ..uho7 hiuI. J~trts
And how true it is, too, that a man does
what his wife makes him.
He-The papers say that a crematory is
| going to be established here. She-Oh, l
am glad of that. Perhaps it will bring
down the price of butter!
A New Jersey woman tool advantage
OF the white Cap" craze and wrote a
threatening letter TO her husband to keep
him in nights. 1t worked to a charm.
Little Boston girl Gas the hair brush is
reached for)-Mamma, the consecutive
ness and the prevalency of these inter-
minable castigations are slowly sapping
my very life!
Tennyson compares men to trees, and
perhaps he is right about some men, who
are all limbs, whose boughs are awkward
and whose general reputation is some
what shaky.
Or" Mary Walker is trying to invent
a way to prevent trousers bagging at the
knees. There is an infallible rule, so far
as the adde's are ~concerned-let the men
wear 'em.
S%our-faced LADY, can't give any mon
ey, sir, 1 nave been fooled too often. Al!
l can do is to lend my countenance to the
scheme. Agent (sadly) That would
simply ruin it, ma'am.
Tommy Traddles (threateningly) I
will tell my father on you. Willie Waf-
aes-What do L care for your father? He
can't hurt me. Tommy-Can't he? can't
he? my father is a doctor.
Freshly (rising to COL am sorry to
break up your hand at whist, Miss Rosalie,
but really L can't stay any later. Miss
Rosalie-O, never mind, Mr.. Freshly; L
am sure we shall get along with a dummy
just as well
"Why don't you give us a little Greek
and Latin occasionally" asked a country
deacon of a new minister. "Why, do
you understand those ~languages?" was
asked. "No, but we pay for the best, and
we ought to have it,
The church was beautifully decorated
with sweet flowers, and the air was
heavy with their fragrance. AS the SER
vice was about to begin small Kitty pull
ed her mothers sleeve and whispered
Mamma, don't it smell solemn"
Keep your seats, please, ladies and gem
tleman, said a theatrical manager, there
Is no ITOuUlc WldGONcT. DuJ lOE SOue IL
applicable reason the gas went out. Then
a boy shouted from the gallery: Perhaps
it didn't like the play!
One day Ray and Ernest were playing
together, and as they occasionally quar-
relied, their mother said If you are
naughty again, L shall separate you. In
a little while Ernest called Mamma,
please come and separate Ray; he is
naughty.
Mr.. Oldbov ,(admiring the baby. Can
he talk, my dear madam? Fond mother
No, he can't talk, but he's a wonderful
child; he understands everything one
says to him, don't 90, you darling little
pinksy, winksy, tootsy, pootsy, dicksy,
picksy dot? Mr.. O.-Does he understand
all that? Fond mother-Oh, yes. Mr.. o.
Well, he is "a wonderful child.
Teacher-Now, Tommy, if a carpenter
wants to cover Il roof fifteen feet wide
by thirty broad with shingles five feet
wide by twelve inches, how many shin
giles will he need? Tommy-Well-er|
didn't study that one, Miss Smith because
l am going to be a drum-major, and /
won't need it. Why don't you ask Willy
Wafles? His father is a boss builder.