Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1889-10-24
A MARTYR TO HONESTY.
Mr. Upandownjohn, Who, Like
Washington, Gould Not Lie,

Mr. John Upandownjohn had tho
misfortune to be strictly honest man.
In which particular he stood lamen-
tably alone He was constructed
peculiarly he was born into an at
mospere Of integrity, and his train
ing had added to his natural bent to a
dogree thai made him as incapable Of
an untruth, or tho semblance thereof,
as George Washington himsclf. Hav-
ing this tendency, il was we'll for him
self that he was born with a fortune,
for his rigid adherence to his prin-
clplos untitled him for almost every
occupation. lie did try journalism,
but was dismissed ignominiously for
saying OF candidate OF the party
with which the paper acted that he
was thief and trickster. Then he
essayed the law, but he saw enough
OF law before he had been in an Office
two weeks, while medicine lasted him
sea 'cely week. So he determined to
do nothing but live on his income and
be an honest man.
He adopted certain rules by which
he lived, and he,could no more depart
f'om them than he could rise from she
earth and take place among the
stars. He ate exactly so much, at
certain fixed hours, and OF certain
kinds Of food. He drank so many
times a day. OF certain liquors he
fancied were good for him, measuring
the quantity with the accuracy and
precision Of an apothecary; and so far
did he carry rule into life, that he
put on and off his clothing on certain
days in certain months, without refer
ence to weather. saw him shiver-
ing one bright but very cold morning
in June, and demanded the reason.
Il laid of my woolens this morn
ing, said he.
why lay off your woolens in winter
weatherPn | asked.
"The lst of juno is my day there
for" said he. "The weather ought to
be warm to-day. ! can not break my
rule
Ho never neglected to pay a debt
and never told lie. not even white
one. He was cut out OF an aunt's will by
responding to her anxious inquiry as to
how she looked in certain dress which
she had set her heart on by the simple
word "hideous.h And the same devo-
tion to truth barred him, no matter
what path he took
He was frightfully unpopular,
though, Notwithstanding he held
high position among his fellows. His
child-like simplicity and sterling in
tegrity made him valuable, and be-
sides every one knew that his devo-
tion to truth was honest and had moth
ing OF bumptiousness or malice in it,
Mr. Upandownjohn was a member OF
the Leviathan Club. ! write the word
was sadly, for he is a Levialhan no
more. The cause and manner Of his
leaving that delightful association OF
good men is the animus OF this paper.
The members OF the Leviathan were
pleased with the appearance of Mr. Up
andownjohn, and made much Of him.
Had they known him better they
would have loved him less, for his Pc
culiar virtue was never popular in that
club.
He excited attention, first. by his
habit OF correcting loose-talking mem
bers when their statements were high
ly favored with romances, as, for in
stance, when one gentleman asserted
that his father owned Flora Temple
when she was colt using her as a
common hack, and selling her finally
for fifty dollars. MIR Upandownjohn
quietly put him down.
81 knew your father" he said. "and
a worthy, truthful man he was. He
died just three years before Flora Tenn
pie was foaled. The marc he used for
hack and sold for fifty dollars must
have been some other famous animal
Flora Temple viii some day be the
death OF me. Every rasing season
some one narrated the circumstances Of
his father having owned Flora Temple
and worked her as a hack, and what
Is more exasperating, he always sold
her for fifty dollars. Would that |
could find one man whose father sold
her for sixty dollars or sixty-two dol
lars and fifty cents. You. my dear
sir, are the sixty-eighth man this
season whose father once owned Flora
Temple. She was the most extensive
ly owned mare ever knew any thing
about"
On another occasion a gentleman de-
tailed with great minuteness how. in
doing the regular thing at Niagara by
going under the sheet the wind
parted the torrent and he stepped out
upon the shelf outside. when. 10 his
horror the opening closed leaving
him outside the falling sheet on
narrow ledge OF rock. With great
presence Of mind he darted through
the fallsng sheet and rejoined the
frightened party, who supposed him
lost forever.
Mr.. Upandownjohn took pencil and
paper. and wor ked all night and the
next day. without sleeping or eating.
The next evening he exhibited TO the
hero Of this marvellous adventure the
weight OF the water in that sheet. and
demonstrated 10 him the fact that had
he got under II. he would have been
mashed, though he had been con
structed OF steel
"Are you sure it was Niagara9" be
asked. anxiously. Wasn't il some
other fallg'
One day a member died. and the
club did The usual thing by him. A
committee was appointed to draft reso-
luiions expressing the bereavement Of
the members. and. as ill-luck would
have it, Upandownlohn was put upon
the committee.
They met and. a. is usually the
case. two Of the members really had
no time to attend 10 IT, Ole had an
engagement a. the theaier. the other