Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1889-10-24

and-So; and,
vlvors OF the I,eviathan club, should publicly
express our sore gr Of at this great bereavo-
ment; therefore, be u
Resolrsd That in the death OF John James
So-and.So IN Club has lost a worthy mem
ber society an ornament his family al ancc-
tomato father and husband, the State pillar
and defender and the world at large one II
could lily spare.
Resofr.d That while We mourn with sorrow
that seems to have no alienation under the
great anliction that has fallen upon US, we can
not but bow In humility TO this inscrutablc de-
cree.
Rssolp.d rhat we tender opi heartfelt sym
rathy to the family and relatives OF tho de-
ceased.
Rssolref rhat the clubhouse be draped in
mourning for thirty days in memory Of the
deceased.
As no finished. Mr. Upandownjohn
brought his fist down upon the table
till the glasses jingled
"What stuff this ism he said, iudig-
nantly. 81 knew So-and-So. He was
dishonest and untruthtul mana
tyrant in his family. a trader in pol
itics, a disagrocsble man in society,
and curse 20 humanity generally.
And they mourn him, do thcy? And
suppose thoy want mo TO mourn
Ranter, who is TO be embalmed to-
night Hal Hal will astonish these
people. / will write one set of honest
resolutions. / knew Ranter. who has
just gone hence, and justice shall be
done him, sure. | will be as mild as
l can be, and do him justice. but will
be honest with his memory"
SO Mr. Upandowniohn called for
fresh pens and ink and paper, and
wrote; and having made fair copies OF
what he wrote. took them himself TO
the Office OF the Screamer. the Spouter
and the Soarer, and went home and
slept as only he can sleep who re-
joices over a duty done and we'll done.
The next morning the members OF
the Leyiathan were astonished at
reading in the journals the following;
WHEREAS, by a long course OF most outra-
geous dissipation, OF late n ghts Of late suppers
OF the grossest food. OF perpetual beverages OF
the most villalnous knd-thoso that give the
stomach no show whatever-by unchecked and
unreguiated indulgence In the worst poss bile
sensuality In brief, by along-continued series OF
aud moral man. our late member, Arthur
Simpson Ranter, has been taken TO that
bourne from which we earnestly hope he may
never return, and
NHEREAs When n member OF the Leviathan
Club expires. II is customary 10 commemorate
him, TO give him \ send-on, as II we're; there
fore be II
ResolBed, That when we remember the vii
lainous habit he he'd Of revoking at whist, ami
also his adroit way Of sliding out OF paying the
score whenever he lost the rubber. our grief
at bis departure is severely mitgated II not
entirely subdued.
Rssoirsd, That the promptness OF our late as
soclate in accepting inv tations 10 slake his
thirst and his intolcrable tardiness In recipro-
eating, did more honor 10 his head than TO his
heart
Rssoired, That his habitual untruthfulness.
his utter disregard for his word, ard his blus-
tcring aud oyerbearing manner, were the best
points In him, as they served a warning 10
the younger members Of the club. For this his
demise Is 10 be lamented.
RssoiUsd That his habit Of getting boozy be-
fore eleven a m, ald stayng 10 that condition
as long as there was a good-natured man in the
club. gives US, his survivors, good reason 10
pause and ask no more that eOuundrum ''Why
was death introduced into the Eorldf'
RssolUed, That when we remember the sue
cess with which our late brother borrowed
money. and his utter iorgetfulness OF such
transaoiious our hearts are softcned toward
Adam and Eve dhrongh whose sin death was
made q part OF the economy OF naturel, and we
publicly thank that lady and gentleman for
their investigating turn Of mind, and hurl back
Indignantly the charge hat they did not do
the best thing possible for posterity.
Resolrsd. That In the death OF our late
brother who WAS vile an actor as he was
bad as a man, the long-sunering theater-go-
ing public have boon. the sweetness Of
VIII eh can not be over-stateo, and upon which
We extend them hearty congratulations.
Rss0ined, That we congratulate Mrs. Ranter
upon the fact that her pr.yate fortune was set
tied uDon herself and so skilfully ed up
that her late husband, our deceased Lrathes,
could not get cent Of IL Add we do this re-
memoerng how often VIC have mourued 1t wss
SO, for the reason that, could he have touched
n, he would have drunk h mself into an un-
timely tomb several years sooner than he d
Death, with US, buries all animosiiy and does
away with all aeumony.
RssOiref That the club house be illuml-
mated the night Of the funeral aud be draped IN
white for thirty days In honor OF This happy
event
Resoired That this truthful tribute to the
memory OF our dereused brother be published
IN the Sereamer the Spouter aad the Soaror.
To say there was an uproar in the
club the next morning. as these reso-
lutions were read. would be TO convey
q very faint idea OF the case. In the
midst OF II. whom 1t WAS at its height,
entered Upandownjohn. cleanly
shaved, and as serene as June
morning.
"Did you write and publish this
miserable mess-this ghnstly concoc-
tion Of infernalismg" demanded a
score Of indignant men.
'Did write those resolutions, you
meanP / did. / was appointed a
committee 10 embalm the memory Of
the late Ranier In the daily papers.
did IT. DO you find any thing objec-
tionable In themP"
why, you assert that he was a
sponger exclaimed one.
"Unhappily II is the truth. have
myself paid for gallons OF liquor for
him."
"You said he was bad actor"
''rhe worst ! ever suffered under I"
what will his wife think OF what
you said OF him''
"She will recognize the portrait,
and with as thank Heaven for her re-
lease.
you give It as the sense OF the
club that he was--n
Every thing that was bad. mean
and disrepntable- Very coed. Il is
true every word Of IT, Ho owes me
thirty-seyen dollars, sixty-three cents
was borrowed) since July 9. 1871, at
twenty-soven minutes past ten o clook
In the evening And every man OF
you 10 alfo his creditor. II thero is
neon thing that he has not done Il
has escaped my notice.
By this time Mr.. Upandowniohn saw
that bis iellow-members were angry.
and he At once lost his balance ana bo-
came aagry, Zoo,