Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-02
THEY DIDN'T DRINK.

/
"Help yourselves" then," remarked the
clerk, politely passing the-ink bottle, and
sauntering of to distant part of his enelo-
sure.
This was exasperating. but it had to be
put up with. OFF to the linen room started
the twain. Mr.. Jones flashed his lantern
scientifically round. Mr.. Quill was not
used tn dark lanterns, so he made a careful
imitation of Mr.. Jones' manipulation of
his. Presently some traces of reaches were
discovered. Down went the sponge over
Mr. Jones mouth, and down went Mr..
Jones on his knees, putting his bellows once
! or twice into issnre in the wall.
Very little powder is required, he said,
rising to his feet. "Those few puffs will kill
an army Of reaches. Ha! is that roach on
the basket over there? By Jove yes! See,
| the fellow has been sent out to reconnoiter.
Watch his eyes twinkling They are cum
ming fellows, these reaches"
Hes gone," cried Mr.. Quill; ''he ran
into that crack over there"
Down went Mr.. Quilts sponge, and Mr..
Quill puffed about an ounce OF powder into
the crack and all around it. THAT ought to
kill them anyhow" laughed the profess
siOnal. 81 see you are bloodthirsty."
1u0 duBelO OF uedlu SpEeau Ills wings on the
blast
And puf'd on the face OF the foe as he past, ("
misquoted Quill, as they continued the
search. "But tell me, Mr. Jones, does your
poison kill all sorts of insects?''
"Well, that's the curious part of it" said
Mr.. Jones. sit will kill nothing but a
roach-that is the first few pufs won't. 1t
is no use against any other insect. By the
way, do you know how roach inhaies this
stuff?''
Through its nose?" ventured the news
paperman.
"But it hasn't got nose" replied the
other. "No, sir, it inhales it through the
pores of its skin. That's how roach inhales.
Its sense of smell is extraordinarily acute
for that very reason. 1t can smell anything
smellable 100 feet of. In fact, every one of
Its pores is nose in itself. 1t is all nose. :"
GAS BRINGS THE BUGS.
By this time the linen room had been
thoroughly searched, and the pair went off
to the kitchen Of the hotel.
"I'll bet you there are reaches here, +" said
Mr.. Jones. "You see. this natural gas is
the very thing to bring them. They didn't
like the coal dust, you see, because, as 1
told you, they don't like any kind of dirt.
But the gas is clean, and there is a constant
warmth, so the reaches come in myriads.
You'll always find them round gas-fre
mantels"
Sure enough! they found plenty OF reaches
in the kitchen, but not one, it may be safely
said, survived that night.
"I'll come back here in two months
again, said Mr.. Jones, "and give the house
another overhauling. That is the usual
close time for roaches''
Other rooms were then visited, and at last
the outer hall was reached again. The
jocular clerk was asleep, with another cigar
in his mouth. A hunt for reaches com
menced, and Mr.. Jones detailed some OF his
experiences in the trade. 1t appeared that
people didn't like their names to be men
toned as owning houses freuuented by
reaches. One millionaire Alleghenian left
Mr.. Jones employ because his name got in
this connection. His haughty soul could
not bear the taint of roaches Ladies leav-
ing houses generally send for Mr.. Jones.
They don't like the next owners of their
houses to have bad opinion of the former
tenants. 'But, bless YOU" said Mr.. Jones.
'the reaches are everywhere-in the finest
East End houses, in the churches in the
jail-yes. don't starel there are thousands
in the Jail. l offered to clean it out once;
but got no answer to my offer"
There Is no telling what revelations might
not have come forth, had not an injudieious
handling OF his Lantern on the part of Mr..
Quill brought Jealous policeman on the
scene. "Hellor' he said; ''what's all this?
Burglary, eh? Come along till call the
wagon" 1t was useless to protest. The
bellows, said the worthy policeman, was
certainly q burglars tool, and then the
dark-lantern! Respectable people would not
go into hotels at midnight with dark-lan-
ternsl Mr.. Jones tried to awake the iocu-
lar clerk; but he only snored the louder.
So the wagon wee called, and the hapless
pair were CO veyed to Central station.
where, but for TIE timely arrival of some |
newspaper men, they might have spent the |
night No more roach-hunting for Mr.. |
Quill-even idea-hunting is better than that! |