Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-03-21

organs not wanted, would squeeze The
brain into the organs to be cultivated
This repeated one hour daily Mr.. Easy
Sr., said would give satisfaction. One
morning when the folks were asleer
the moulder of heads got his own into
the frame, and "let her 60" When a
representative of the family climbed
through the transom over the lock ed
door, next day he reported back the
cause of his fathers death was too
much cultivation of the brain.
Mr.. Easy, ST., did not remain to ex-
plain why his hobby was not success.
| The next question on deck is "Can
we get up something that will answer
the purpose little better?" The man
who does that will establish high
plane, on which he can jump, and
breathe easy as he proposes to society
the profound question us marriage a
failure?" Perhaps it is because the
"Quaker" doesn't know any better,
| but it does seem to him, that, for Maud
Card to spring up like humping jack,
| and descant upon smething SO ridicu-
| lous as her sensa tional proposition, is
too absurd to be sweet.
1t is pleasant to be informed by the
bridal bulletins that there is world
full of young men and women, who are
anxious to make practical test of the
matter. In fact "Quaker" thinks that
America is plumb full of such testers.
In fact, the "Quakern took a round
not long since and deliberately inquir-
ed of widows whether they thought
that "marriage, etc."
Though he is old and ugly ,one widow
answered kindly, "no." And a few
said they would be willing to prove it
was not. And a few of the maidens
said they had never tried it, but would
be willing to, if the right man could be
found. Modesty, inherent modesty
debarred the "Quaker" from ascertain
ing whether he were the man referred
to. The great difficulty in seeking in
formation is that the reporter may
sometimes be suspected of attempting,
under the guise of professional question
ing, to aggrandize himself as, if forced
to straight, uncovert methods, be would
not have the cheek to do.
SIS marriage failure" murmured 1 to
maid,
AS she painted plague meath my mustache
shade,
Reclining, and in hand painted gown ar
rayed;
She blushed, oh, SO nicely, and 1 waited re-
Half afraid that the hope of my heart she'd
cling:
try:"
AT last she bust forth, "Oh mother, do quit
You make such a racket Quaker can't
hear a bit:
Can't you wash up he dishes when the lamps
have been lit?
And go now and milk and feed the black
steer
For that voice annoys me and Quaker can't
hear,
And want to impress him that have no
fear"
L
off, somewhat troubled in spirit guess
ing whether she took me for George
Gould, with cash sufficient to settle
my board bill plus her own mono
weekly, in hotel where the shocking
noises incident to dish washing and pan
rattling was so far removed from the
parlor as not to disturb her sensitive
little soul. She might not have been
afraid to try 1t, but l was.
1t is just possible the readers may
not see any sense in the foregoing RAM
bling descant, but they would not be-
come bankrupt by betting it conceals
as much wisdom as anything else since
Maud Card had her little say in the
London papers. I intended writing
some news, but / will defer until next
week, merely remarking that there is
no law to compel a man to read the
above. Nonsensically. QUAKER.