Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-12-06

ihand?"
Scrvant-"No. num-"
MiStrcss-'Wcll, then he's got one IN
his pocket. Send HIM away. - Time.
FOR TINE TO SETTLE.
Edith Downes-"No, papa, 1 can
Ielever accept Mr.. Scads. lie is nearly
twice my age"
Old Mark Downcs-s 'Humph. But
he won't be, twenty years from now"
Edith Downcs--''1hen, papa, let him
wait the twenty years. Puck.
y HoKRID OLD THING.
She during the honcymoon)-"And
what would you do, dearest, il | should
be torn from you By the cruel hand of
dcath?'
lie NATURALLY unromantic, and after Il
pause. during which he puts in some hard
.thiu%ing)-"Why, bury you" -.-Jut'gc.
SOMETHING SEW.
Waitcr-''What's your order, sr?"
Gcntlcman-" One patent leather
lunch"
Waiter Calling Ell Piece of apple pic
and two lemon cookies. -Jutiye
\ SHORT ANSWER.
"Why should be compelled to pay
extra for bringing things over from Eu-
'vopc in my trunk.' said ii traveller
Simply rs IL matter of duty" was the
icply OF the customs officer -.MerctanE
2rdcelu'.
y RARE BARGAIN
Smith, struck Il splendid bargain
sthis morning, Harry
IIarry-'.in WHAT"
'''Finc, big Newfoundland dog"
''Bcon buying dog, chi
enc; sold the one had foy dollar. {"
--7Ime.
AT WORK Ey THE DAY.
Shc-"Oh, see that scarccrow out there
in the field"
Ilc-''That isn't Il scarccrow."
She-'lt must he; see how motionless
it is.''
Hc-''That's the hired man ut work; ~
- Yankee Biadc.
HE WAS UNFoRTuN ATE.
Woman ito tramp who has eaten a
whole mincc pic)-"lou seem to have Il
good appetite"
Tramp with tears in his cyes)-"Ycs.
madam, that is all have left in the world
which can rightly call my own. "-Bu.'-
:ling.oa Free Press.
AGAINST THEIR NATURE
'Ftrmcrt means to work, said the
teacher TO the language class 'Now
/! each OF you write sentence containing
the word
This is what Tommy Cumso, who
reads the papers, wrote: Cramps do
not like TO icrmcnt. "-Timc.
lie WAS NOT AFRAID.
Farmers Wiic-''Arcn't You afraid,
my good man, that some day you will be
killed by the cars, walking as much AS
you DO on the track?"
Tr;mp-''No, mum; I've been on the
great steel highways for fifteen years, and
I've never Keen killed yet. "-Judge.
TOO FAR FETCHED.
few days ago n good naturcd triv.
clcr Oh train fell asleep and was carried
beyond his destination, whereupon he re-
marked to fellow passenger:
pretty good joke on me, isn't it?"
'Wcll, yes" said the gentleman, ssbut
rather too far fetched. ''-Roehestej Bud
gel.
SHOCKING TASTE.
Ethel. Don't you think Charley Dcs-
mond a tremendously nice young man."
Clara-''Yes, if he didn't dress with
such awfully poor taste
81 hadn't noticed it,
"Why he carries the same cane in the
afternoon that he does in the morning. "
Time
RISE IN VALUE.
Friend-''At what price dia you value
your horsc?"
Horse Owner-s'Whcn?"
"Bcforc he was killed, of course"
"Wcll, I'd a-taken forty dollars cash
for him n week ago. but now the Teller
that drove him to death has got to fork
over n hundred, or stand lawsuit. -.
Yankee Bkadc.
A LAP DOC.
Conductor of Horsc-car Ito man with
dog)-"You can't take that dog on board
the car.
Man With Dog-"Why not?"
"It's against the rules. None but lap
dogs allowed to ride with their owners"
"Well, amt this lap dog? How do
ger s'posc he drinks water if he don't lap
it up?"-Ya Yankee Blade.
A MERE MATTER OF FORM.
Mr. Enthusiastically, sir, what in
duced you to imagine that I would give
my consent to my daughters marrying
youa"
Dc Gall-"Pardon me, my dear sir, I