The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-17
BRIGHT BITS.

The average size of an American family &C
cording to statistics, is d. 49, The fraction prot
lbly stands for the old man.-Terre HGute En-
press.
PA what's the difference between thief
| and kleptomanlac2'' 'Ob, about $4,000 a
| year. The who hasn't it is the thief y
Hdrper's Bdzdr.
THE modesty Of the owners OF the gas plants
should be mmortalized by monument. Some
| hing in brass would be about the thing.-St.
| L01tis Post Dispatch.
FLORAL went down town yesterday and or
| Tered me tailor-made drectoirs suit.
Carrie-Oh, did you? went down town yes
| suit.-Chfcdgo Herald.
Mrs. WISKs-Well | declare, The weather
indications are right for once.
Mr.. Wlnlls docking over her shoulder
humph! That paper you've got is a week old.
Philadelphia Record
PHyslcrAN-Your husband is quite delrious
and seems utterly out of his mind. Has he
recognized any one to-day?
Wlfe-Oh, yes. lie called me a dragon this
| morning. and he constantly speaks OF the gov
erness as an aagel.-Boston Beacon.
DGsTILER-I am getting out new brand OF
| whisky, a splendid article. Can you suggest a
name?
Consumer-How does Eureka strike you!
DistIller-Eureka! What does that meang
Consumer-Eureka means I've got EN-
L0igeL Citizen.
boy is going TO be when he is grown up? He
doesn't do anything but talk, talk, talk from
morning 20 night.
Mr. Wiseman-Its too early to decide, but he
viii probably be either Congressman or a
prize tighter.-PhitddeIDhi Record.
'You'RE looking glum, Charley. What's the
matter?'
"fne creamery trust shall have to drop
| Miss Spoonplayer. | can't afford her at the
advanced price of ice cream"
You idiot! You don't suppose they make
| ice cream Of cream, do you?''-Chicdgo Herald.
! THERE is something in name The Duke of
| Newcastle, of mountaineering celebrity,
was once asked for a days fishing by newly
| arrived clergyman. The reply was: THE Duke
| Of Newcastle cannot comply with Mr.. N 5se's
request. P. S.-Tinding Mr.. Noses name is
| Rose, he is pleased to grant his request Tenn
pie Bar.
CRrsHEp.-Fr eshleigh-Do you feel chilly,
Miss Beaconhil-Yes am rather cold, Mr.
| Freshleigh.
Freshleigh meaningly)-Feel as though you'd
| like little something around you?
| Miss Beaconhill tcrushingly)-Not a little
| something, Mr.. Freshleigh. -4arUard Lam
pOon.
TEsTEp.-Smart wife-Don't worry, George.
! | wrote al article for the paper to-day showing
| how to yet up family dinner for 3d. and took
| it around. and the editor gave me 81.
| Husband-Thats a rare piece OF good luck.
What are you going to do with the dollar?
Smart Wife-rm going to try that receipt
myself, and see if it will work.-Neu0 YORK.
| Wee ,lH
| CIGAR DEALER-Yes, l want a boy here. Have
you had any experiencef
Youthful Apphcant-Lots.
suppose | should mix up the price marks in
| these boxes, could you tell the good cigars from
the bad ones?
"F9sv 'nough."
"Howf'
The wust cigars is in the boxes wot's got the
purtiest picturs. "-NetO York Weekly.
JAKE-I say. sir, the man that bought that
SIS suit from you yesterday morning has
brought it back.
Dealer-Why what's the matter?
Jake-He says it amt wool.
Dealer-It amt WOOL Well, why don't you
tell MIN it is.
jake did, and he won't believe me-
Dealer-Thats too bad Well, the only thing
we can do is to show him where the moths have
eaten into il. He didn't notice it yesterday
when he took the suit.-Detroit Free Press
ScHooLMAsTER's WIFE-n your sister comes
20 morrow with her children and remains with
us few days we shall have to fry lots OF pan
cakes, and we have neither eggs nor butter in
the house.
Schoolmaster-And we are short of money
besides. But patience; / have an idea (At
schooll-Children, tomorrow will tell you the
beautiful story of Columbus, who discovered
America; so each of you will have to bring an
egg with you to school If you don't happen TO
have any eggs in the house little butter will
do)-bkteqende Batter.