Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-03-14
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY THE FUN
NY MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Youthful Politician = Tall, But
Short = Worshipped His Wealth
He Drew Off = &C., &c.

--WM,.8 ~
HE WAS AN INVENTOR.
Pcelwig-I wuz kinder 'frnidy, aftah
dat we're railroad acciden', that pore ole
Eben gottah past his use; but yer cain t
tell, chill'n-yer CANT tell-w'en folks
has d 'ventive talents. Time.
YOUTHFUL POLITICIAN.
A man who wanted to learn what pro-
fession he would have his son entr, put
him in room with Bible, an apple,
and dollar bill. III he found him
when he returned reading the Bible, he
would make clergyman of linn; if
eating the apple, farmer, and if inter
ested in the dollar bill, banker
When he returned he found the boy
sitting on the Bible with the dollar bill
in his pocket and the apple almost de
voured. He made politician of him.
, GreeasJorough (Ala) Wttetman.
wonsHrpED HIS WEALTH.
visitor-Where is Mr.. Moneygrab
this evenings
Young Mrs. Moneygrab (who didn't
marry for love-At divine worship, l
presume.
Visitor-I supposed he would be at
his counting-room, if anywhere.
Mrs. Moneygrab-Yes, that's What l
said.-1erre Haute Express.
TALL, BUT SHORT.
Descriptions ofteu tell amiss,
Tho Jester shows a wOfdV snort
For palest men are sometimes flush,
The tallest man is often short.
Merchant lfGoeller.
HE DREW orr.
You aren't going on--street any
more, hear Z" remarked one of con-
pie Of young men who sat together in
the theater the other night.
"No; / have drawn of. "
Didn't you like the girl Z"
"0h, yes!"
cold man object 2"
"Oh, no. He was to good.
"How Z"
Borrowed over 5000 of me at one
time and another and never repayed 81 Of
it. I'd rather 60 with u girl whose
father keeps watchdog and shotgun.
Detroit Pre- Press.
AHEAD OF HIM.
"How did you lose the end of your
nosei" asked the sergeant of a tramp
who applied for lodging ticket night
or two since.
Farmer struck it Off with corn
cutter, sir.
you must have provoked him.
eyes, did. | was trying to strike
his head off with mowin-machine, but
he got in his blow first. Detroit Free
Press.
A MATTER or UTILITY.
THAT your wife.
at is.
"1What small waist she's got
eyes; / picked her out on that 40
count
oDon' Z understand why!'
Don't, chr" Well, you know l earn
very little money!
Eyes.
"And man with n slender salary
should have a wife Of small waste. -Chi-
cago Lager.
A SOCIAL VETERAN.
Ted-What did Giles mean by saying
Miss LoVelorn had war record
Ned-That she had been through
many engagements, | suppose.
LIVING on WATER.
Rohinson-Smith, did You know that
] once lived $50 days ON water
Smith-Pshaw / don't believe IT,
Robinson-'Pon my world Took an
ocean cruise in Il private yacht.-B9r-
lin0toa Free Press.
A QUESTION ANSWERED.
Lecturer (who intends to trace the
origin Of certain dishes and give their
historical significance)-''Now, ladies
and gentlemen, many of you will doubt
less be surprised ut the question | am
about TO ask: "Why do we eat mince
piel"
Voice from a dyspeptic-loolSing aud
Because we are fools. "-Ne'o
York Weekly.
FELL OUT OF HER HEAD.
mamma, said May, q"
''Yes, dear" answered mamma, as
May hesitated.
"Oh. never mind, said May, after
minutes Thought 81 wanted to ask
YOU something, but it fell out of my
head. Funny People.
A cosIoS EXPERIENCE.
Gentleman-See here. it isn't half an
L. 4 - 49,, q T., -, -, tI,f