The Bolivar bulletin. (Bolivar, Tenn.) 1888-1946, 1889-03-29
CONCERNING cRANKs.
A Cart-LOad OF Truth Presented for the
EdiAcatIon of Dudea and Others.

A Cart-Load OF Truth Presented for the
EdiHcatIon of Dudes and Others.
The crank is the medium through
which motion is impaired to all ma
chinery, and the crank in society is the
medium through which all original
ideas are forced through the thick
skulls of mankind in general. The
crank rises above the teeming millions
because he is different from them, and
that difference, which consists in the
possession of a small but carefully-se-
lected stock of brains, makes him con-
spicuOus. The crank does not attract
attention by acting as hOstler and sta
ble-man to a pair of Siberian blood
hounds or St. Bernard dog which was
bred in Hester street and whose an
cestors smelt saltwater only when fish
brine was put on them to kill fleas.
The crank does not wear buttOn-hOle
bouquet because every ass on his street
does. The crank goes four blocks out
OF his way to return a borrowed UNI
brella. He does not try to talk Eng
llsh and dress Cockney when his fea-
lures reveal the fact that for fourteen
generations his nose has been used in
New England to split pumpkins on,
and his cheek bones shine like red mo-
rocco pads on a coach harness. He does
not change his suits as many times in
a day as the trump does in a euchre
deck, just to be in fashion. The crank
does not borrow five dollars of every
h.,
he will pay a debt moro readily than a
compliment. The crank is prompt,
sharp and savory, and so is salt, but
both are pretty necessary in the world
and in well-regulated food.
Young men, you may have heard OF
Columbus, not in Ohio, but Genoa,
Italy. He was a crank. He told the
whole world, go west, young man, go
west" and it went west, and the Gould
system of railroads and the new aque-
duct, not to speak of the Rochester
knockings and the more persistent and
sffectual knockings of John L. Sullivan,
has grown out of that advice.
When Columbus refused to buy his
wife a pug dog. and continued to wear
tight pants after the fashion changed,
the popuIace of Genoa called him a
crank; but he got there all the same,
and had a cannon named after him, the
Columbiad, which sounded and kicked,
both like thunder.
Calico was a crank. He asserted in
one of his advertisements of clock he
had patented: 1.-The world moves, great
reduction in clocks" and they snatched
him up and told him to recant. IRE
can't" said he. II really can't" and
went on and perfected his inventions,
which resulted in the Waterbury
watch.
Washington was a crank. In I775
you could find a million people in Eng
land who said he was crank. They
told him in '76 that it was all right for
the colonies to submit, and remarked
of the stamp act, Its English, don't
chew know" and Wash carefully plac-
ed his thum on his nose and worked his
fingers like a fan as he remarked
That's what's the matter" And the
English wished to get his remains tc
hold a post norton on, but Washing
ton put himself in the hands of hif
friends and they elected him father o.
his country, which position he will
probably hold a good while.
Oh, what a crank Lincoln was! How
his clothes wouldn't fit him, and he had
bunions on his big feet. and his trous-
ers bagged at the knee, and nv, my
what a great hOmely mouth he had; an6
stories-well, boys, i'll catch any of you
telling Lincoln's stories l will pull you
bald-headed. Well, say no more
There never was a great man yet who
did not begin business as a crank.
would rather be a speckled bean in &
two-bushel bag of nice white ones thar
to lose my identity as one of the two
millions
| want to find the young man you
/ called a crank. He can take my fine
boots and gold watch when he goes tc
a party, and can go fishing with me il
/ June. l want to be on the right side
/ of that youth. He will be able to give me
a pOst-office if he lives twenty years
All of you who have brains enough
may go now and digest this cart-load o.
/ truth.-Judge.