The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-10-30
WORK OF THE WITS


In small business-The dwsrss.
The bootblack is shining member
of society.
The way of the transgressor is to
shin over into Canada.
The police and tramps fraternize be-
cause both are on the beat.
WHEN man has a cataract, il is
cruel to dam his eyes any further.
"DD you ever fall in love?" "Yes,
but got out-with the assistance of
her father"
A rEARTLEss punster reports that
London society is good deal cut up
by Jack the Ripper.
DocToR-Your child, madam, has an
unusually large head. M's. Soak-Yes.
He inherits it from his father.
DRUGGIsT-Have any calls last
night? Night Clerk (absently
and lost six dollars on pat-tlush.
who has cooked his own beefsteak for
fifteen years. He must like it very
well done.
~PA, what is a blanket mortgage p
asked Johnny Cumso. 1T is one which
keeps man warm working to pay it,"
replied Cumso.
LYMAN doesn't seem to be succeed
ing with the BlOlCer of late" NO;
his circulation has fallen off. since he
joined the church"
TRAMP have scarcely rag to my
back, mum; can't YOU help me out?
Lady-Certainly, sir; here's the rag
bag, help yourself.
us THERE anything a man cannot
do?" asks an exchange. We have
never yet found man who could
scold the children with his mouth full
of pins.
Lawyer-And you assert that the
prisoner worked on farm since he was
born. Witness-Yes, sir. Lawyer
What did he do the first year? Wit
nestle MIXED.
LET me rule France, says its Presi-
dent, land l Carnot who make its laws"
n. B.-His name is pronounced Carno.
but we won't let little thing like that
interfere with pun.
YOUNG Wife-Achl how fortunate /
am in possessing husband who always
stays at home in the evening Bosom
Friend-1es; your husband never was
much addicted to pleasure.
SAID the haxen-haired maiden to the
dapper young man behind the counter:
Have you any NICE soft muslin that
will suit my complexion and hair?"
Clerk-"Bleached or unbleached?"
"IT's always a relief to me when it
comes time to pay off Bridget said
Mrs Howeskeep. "Why?" inquired
her husband. Because that is the only
time when i feel positive that she does
not employ me-"
AT foreign railway station: Guard,
can l smoke in this carriage?" mo; it
is against the rules" Then, where do
all these cigar ends on the floor come
from?" From smokers who have not
asked permission.
Il SAY, Tommy Tommy! where are
you?" Here, mamma; in the garden
Great heavens, Tommy! Whatever
are you doing there, up to your knees in
mud 2" why, mamma, I've just plant
ed myself, and you'll soon see me
grow"
"Now, REMEMBER, Belinda" said
Mrs Sharply to her daughter, just
married, violence in anything is most
unladylike. Ofcourse, you will some
times disagree with your husband, but
always hit him with the soft end of the
broom"
LOVELY Daughter-Why do you so
! object TO Mr. De Poor? Is it not better
to live in cottage with one you love
| than to dwell in palace with one
you hate? Practical Father-Yes, my
dear, very much better; but he hasn't
the cottage.
! SIGNING FOR HOME.
| Home was the word that he whispered low,
AS over his form they bended
| Dim was his eyes once brilliant glow,
His journey was surely ended.
Home, he whispered and raised his head
From the arm where il was reclining,
And with wistful longing the word he said
That was full of unspoken pining.
Home he whispered but useless quite
Was his plea the police grew harder;
| In the station they locked him up all night
| And charged him with drunk and disorder.
Merchant 1rdreler.
COMPULSORY EDUCATION.