davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1889-03-20
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


From the way society women start
on the stage, it would appear that there
is always room-at the top.-Puck.
Mrs. Gabb (reading)-"Wakedeld
has millionaire who sleeps in the
barn with his horse" Mr.. G. abb (bru.
tally)--"Well, horses don't talk
Philadelphia Record. 8
One of the curiosities never seen
in the dime museums is the man who
is deaf, and knows he is deaf, and still
is willing to admit it.-Somerville
Journal. 49,
The valentine business was created
to catch soft-heads, and it is the only
day in the year that the old fool and
the moon-struck youth can call their
own.--Detroit Free Press.
Only Half the Job.-Hobbs-..l
understand that Dobson's wife is a Ger
man, and that he mastered the German
language to win her, Jones-'Well,
he must have expended all his ener-
gies on the language, then. He has
never mastered her. Huntington Free
Press.
Daughter, aged S3 (facetiously)-
Papa, I found dozen gray hairs in
my head this morning and pulled them
out. Don't you give me away, though. :"
Father (sighing heavily)-"Give you
away, Emilyp I've abandoned all hope
t.'-CEicago Tribune.
1t is asserted that nearly all the
idols now worshiped in India are of
English manufacture. John Bulls
principle would seem to be, ''Let me
but make the idols of a country and ]
care not who makes it's religion" IN.
Y. Tribune.
The term ''gentleman horseman,'
which is now frequently used, is a
curiosity worthy of a place in any
museum. There has not yet appeared
such thing as ''lady horsewoman,'
but no one can tell what the future
may bring forth in the way of syntacti.
cal horrors. Chicago News.
>-'Your honor" said a lawyer to the
judge, ''every man who knows me,
knows that am incapable of lending
myself to mean cause" "That's
so," said his opponent; 1.-The learned
gentleman never lends himself to q
cause; he always gets cash down."
-"What's the matter, Smithers-
don't your books balancep'' '.No, the
expense side, thanks to my wife dress.
makers bills, completely outweigh.
the income side. l tell you, Jones
marriage isn't exactly failure, but il
comes mighty near bankruptcy."-
Harper's Bazaar.
Come home with me, and we'll
have little game of draw" said Cob
wigger to his friend. my wife will
be away" "How do you know sh,
will?" inquired Merit. Because
was the convincing reply, cher new
bonnet came from the milliner's las
night, and she's sure to be out all day.
IN. 7. Sun.
Recipes sent from pure love O
humanity Con receipt of stamps) TO
cures of various diseases. generall
contain ingredients not obtainable a
druggists, and the philanthropic be
slower, in his solicitude for the aff1ict
ed, must himself put up and sell tn
bottle of medicine.-Abby Morton Diaz
THE editor down the street,
writes a Kansas editor, with whitening
scorn. ''should go to school during tn
winter months so that the teacher cal
learn him something about grammar
We have seen bdn writer's before bu
we never seen one who could crowd s.
many grammatical erratum into a sin
sic sentence. kansas City Star,
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1889-03-20
IN NY BOYS POCKETS.

- TWINS ~
Last night, Us our Teddy undressed,
ne c"'1eo IRON the top Of the stair:
Cn' mamma, please mend my trousers
I've had the misfortune to tear!
In the trees
lsplit the knees,
And on the fence
Got other rents,
/ And they're worn :
And they're torn.
Till they're no longer fit to wear"-
While her needle mamma threaded,
!. with just little frown,
Laid my evening paper by E.Sx>
And to her brought the trousers down.
Then said she, - ,
Smiling, to me: -
"Please, my dear,
Empty here
What you find
Or every kind
In those pockets, on this paper brown"
So straight began that duty,
And give you here list
OF the articles discovered, =
Although, OF course, some may've been
missed.
First Of all
Was ball,
Then some string,
A coral ring,
And, torn in play
That very day,
handkerchief done in twist.
Two horse-cheStnuts with notified sides,
And ten OF the edible Glass;
A halfdozen nails, assorted,
And bits of bright-colored glass;
A piece OF gum,
Il withered plum.
An iron screw,
OF marbles, two
One foreign stamp,
A new skate clamp
And some punches Of striped grass.
Part OF a PENCIL, broken short,
The tip OF an eagles feather;
bit OF chalk, q knife, a watch,
Two strips of morocco leather;
An agate blue,
A dollie's shoe,
A piece OF pine,
An old fish-line:
And last, one cent,
Not yet spent
All in the pockets together.
F. E. Hamilton. in Golden Days
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1889-03-20
What Makes Man Happy2

What is it that most makes man hap
Ply here belowp Carnot, the GRANDPA.
Their of the French President, defined
the elements of happiness under ten
heads, which may be compared with
the list compiled by Count Tostoi:
CARNOT. TOLSTOI
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1889-03-20
TOLSTOI,
CARlJOT.

/. Health. l. Natural life in the
2. An independent con- open air, with init.
dition. mate connec tt n
q. A taste for work. with earth, its
4. The esteem Of people, plants and animals.
of worth. 2. Physical | a Dor,
g. Love of society. bringing good ap.
g. Talent. petite and sleep.
T. A knowledge OF bust b. Simple, affectionate
ness. family life
T. Moderation. d. Free and familiar in.
9. A tendency to aid the tercourse with your
unfOrtuute. fellow men.
10 Companlonship Of anI5. Health and natur.
amiable woman. al, painless death.
The lists are curious and suggestive.
Most men can have all Tolstoi's in.
gradients. Some of Carnot's are unat.
tainable by all but the gifted and
wealthy. London Echo.
The movement Of glaciers in sum-
NOR is found to be four times that made
il the winter. e.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1889-03-20
BUSINESS CARDS.

CATHERINE WILCOX, n D,
01ADNET OF AHNEXl1U O0LZE61, a.
O9O. III. a-f .... a..
Over two years practice In hospital Slluiooo
work. Once and residence Ct present tV{
10ers east Of NaHsdsld House, on oppo9eA
a60 Of street. 49,, -
AUSTIN, MIMI.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
QUEER ARTICLES OF FOOD.
Where They Eat Everything-Caterpillar
West Indian Luxury.

Where They Eat Everything-Caterpillar
West Indian Luxury.
Gentleman's Magazine.J
In South America the inhabitants eat
everything, even serpents and lizards.
Humboldt has there seen even children drag
enormous centipedes out of their holes and
crunch them up. Puppies are choice food
on the Missouri and Mississippi, and at
Emaraldi the tid-bit is roasted monkey.
The flesh of the larger animals is ap-
preciated variously, in Arabia the horse,
in India the elephant, and in Egypt the
camel. The Chinese taste is for cats, dogs,
rats, and serpents, while bears paws and
birds nests are dainties. But the Pariahs
of Hindostan have still stronger stomachs,
for they contend with the dogs, vultures and
kites for the putrid carrion. The nearest
approach to this remarkable taste is afforded
by the inhabitants of Cochin China, who
prefer rotten eggs to fresh ones. AT Terra
Gina a guest will be asked whether he pre-
fers land or water eel. In the West In
dies large caterpillar found on the palm
tree is esteemed luxury, while the edible
nests of the Java swallows are so rich
dainty that the ingredients cost as much as
Els.
IA CuIious ldste prevails III many parts or
the world for clay. According to Humboldt
it is eaten in all the countries of the torrid
zone. but the practice is also observed in the
north, as hundreds of cart-loads of earth
containing infusoria are said to be annually
consumed by the country people in the most
remote parts Of Sweden, and in Finland
kind of earth is occasionally mixed with
bread. This latter custom is more civilized
than that observed by women on the
Magdalena river, who, while shaping
earthen vessels on the potters'
wheel, put large Jumps of clay in their
mouths. In the same place it is often neces-
sary to confne the children to prevent their
running out to eat earth Immediately after
fall of rain. The Otomac tribe of earth
eating Indians knead the earth-a true pot
ter's clay-into balls OF five or six inches in
diameter, which they roast by weak fire
until the outside is hard. They remoisten
them when they are required as food, and,
according to monk who lived IL years
among them, one of them would eat a pound
and quarter of this peculiar food in day.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
A HOODOO AND A SCARF PIN.
Misfortune That Follows a Beautiful Piece
of JeweIry-Some of Its Victims.

Misfortune That Follows Beautiful Piece
of JeweIry-Some Of Its Victims.
New York Herald.l
II see you are observing my scarf pin"
said Brooklyn jeweler whom happened
to meet day or two ago. Members of the
trade don't often wear conspicuous jewelry.
AS a rule, in fact, jewellers wear no jewelry
at all. But this pin has history which
interests me, and that's why wear it."
The pin was certainly striking one. 1t
was large and consisted of a bed of sap
phires, pearls and rubies surrounded BY a
border Of diamonds. Of course 1 expressed
desire to know its history.
''Not long before the burning of the
Brooklyn Theater," said the jeweler, "a
man, stranger to me, came into my store
in Brooklyn and ordered scarf pin made
after this description. 1 told him my price,
pretty high one, for the jewels would be
expensive. But he agreed, paid me depo-
sit and left. 1 took the man for gambler
who had just played in good luck; but 1
afterward learned from Adjective that he
was professional swindler, and no doubt
intended to get that pin without paying
any more than the deposit.
'But he never called for the pin. He
was burned to death in the Brooklyn
Theater fire. From the very first it seemed
as though strange and tragic fatality was
associated with this trinket. put it in the
show case, and it was not long before a
sporting man saw it and boughtit on the spot.
He was murdered three months later in a
brawl in Chicago. A few weeks after that
fredericksburg woman entered my place
and offered this very pin for sale She ex-
planned that it belonged to her husband, the
man who had been killed. She had hap
pened into my place by the perest chance
/ bought the pin back and put it in the
showcase again. Next time sold it to a
druggist. The day after he bought it he
made mistake in mixing prescription
and caused the death of mother and her
baby. The druggists business failed and
he was reduced to poverty. He brought the
pin to me and 1 bought it back again.
Once more it went into the showcase 1
was getting used to it by this time.
81 didn't have to wait long for the next
adventure of that pin. A few month ago a
handsome, stylishl y-dressed girl came in
and asked to see some rings. The fatal pin
was on the tray set before her. While
my back was turned the fatal jewel got its
fine work in, as usual. Fascinated by it,
the girl stole the pin and put it in her
pocket. I missed it Immediately after she
left, and detective recovered it for me-
The girl was pretty and of respectable fam
ily, so the jury called it 'kleptomania, or
some other nice name, and she got of. Now
have taken to wearing the pin myself. I
want to show that 1 can rise superior to
superstition and defy the 'hoodoo' that is
connected with the pin. My business hasn't
gone to smash, I haven't murdered anybody,
and my mother-in-law hasn't come to make
us visit. But dare say something horri-
BILE is in store for me."
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

the talk of Paris, the dramatic sensation of
the hour. 1t is now war to the knife be-
tween the realists, headed by De Goucourt
and lola, and the conservatives, backed by
large and powerful following, including
many of the young writers of talent. De
Goncourt was a long time in getting this
revelation of realistic art ready for the
stage; every. act was put together piece by
piece, every phrase cut and polished, pntll
nothing superfuous remained, nothing chat
would in the slightest degree border on the
ideal or the romantic. / believe De Con-
court was some years turning this drama OF
Partisan realism over in his head before
committing his inspirations to paper. Zola,
he declared, had not gone far enough; an
element more real. more dramatic, more in
tense, should supply a deficiency sadly
wanting in all modern plays.
A. BRUTAL DRAMA.
There are ten tableaux in "Germanie La
certeux," and from beginning to end it is
one continual procession of painful realities,
more intense, if possible, than the realism of
"L'Assommoir. The two great scenes of
the piece are the hospital and the cemetery.
In the latter the climax of dramatic melan-
choly is reached. A female figure ap-
proaches the graveyard and in the gloom
stumbles over the graves. 1t is picture of
social horrors unrelieved by pathos or
poetry, In which poverty. greed. sensuality
and vice fill every role, and in which the
hardest characters seem to carry the palm
and win the prize. The theater during the
first two representations was bedlam of
confusion, Kisses, groans, cries. applause for
the actors, mingled applause and contempt
for the author. The actors came out of the
fray covered with glory, but at the close of
the first performance some one came forward
and spoke the name Of the author, De Con-
court. This was the signal for a renewal OF
mingled applause, Kisses and shaking OF
fists at adversaries, real or imaginary.
Paris is therefore devided into two camps,
the advanced realists and the idealist Of
new but conservative school. After the
first performance Alphonse Daudet gave
supper at his residence in the Rue de Belle
chasse, to which 40 of the leading realists
and critics were invited. AT this gathering
of notables another extraordinary scene oc-
CURED. Emile Zola and De Goncourt had
long been on unfriendly terms; great sur
prise awaited the company as Zola rose with
a glass of wine in his hand to drihk to the
success of "Germanie LacerteuxI" Among
the celebrities present were NJ. de Goncourt,
Emile Zola, Aurelian Scholl, Paul Marie
ton, the poet and editor; NJ. Descaves. NJ.
Zeller, of the Institute; CASTOR Gefroy,
Hennique, Gouderat, etc. The question
now is how long will "Germanie LAGER
teux" hold the boards at the Odeon?
JESSE SHEPARD.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

Gazsa@J These questions nat
urally arise to the vast majority of news
paper readers who know no more about the
doings of high society than they can gather
from occasional paragraphs or reports.
There are certain kinds of dances that are
universally known, but the german is one
that has been as a rule confined to a more
exclusive set than any other form of enter
tainment. There was time when it was
looked upon as the most wicked of all de-
vices for amusement and perhaps in some
places it is still held in this estimation.
That, perhaps. is because of the lack of
knowledge as to its real nature.
Everybody understands that, to be a
leader of the german, is to be distinguished
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
A Friend in Need.
Punch.1

Blind Man (in London fog)-Now,
then, sir! Look where you're going to!
Jones-I beg your pardon, my good fell
low-this bsastly fog-couldn't see you
lost my way-don't know where the dickens
l am!
Blind Man.Fog, is there? Adjust
you take hold O. nv arm, and tell me
where you live, and I'll see you safe home.
Fog makes no difference to mel
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
RATHER EXCLUSIVE.

The writer has discussed the matter with
several successful leaders of the german,
and such information as is here given comes
from them. No one, apparently, knows
where the name originated or sees any
reason for it. The dance was first known as
the cotillon and that is Its only proper
name, and it is said that people are return
ing to the use of that term instead of the one
now generally accepted.
"To begin WITH" said one of these lead
ers; 'the german is largely made up Of
waltzing, all the music being written in
waltz time. 1t is, however, vastly unlike
the waltz or any other dance in that it may
take from three to five hours to complete it.
When people go to dance the german they
do not look for any other dance upon the
programme. 1t has been kept rather ex-
elusive feature of entertainment mainly, I
think, for the reason that it is not adapted
to miscellaneous or numerous gathering.
1t should be danced by only personal friends
and, in my opinion, not more than eight or
ten couples should be engaged in it. Its
charm lies in the continual novelty that it
presents, for think it may safely be said
that no two germans have ever been danced
in exactly the same way. That altogether
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
THE PARIS OF TO-DAY
Jesse Shepherd Shows How the So
ciety is Undergoing Revolution.
NINE. PATTI In ROMEO AND JULIET
Her Ordeal in Paris After an Absence of
Fifteen Years.
A BRUTAL DRAMATIC SENSATION
CORRESPONDENCE OF THE DISPATCH !

AXIS, January y lO.-
The season has opened
with rumors of revolu-
ton on all sides. In
politics, in art, in the
church, in the theater,
new ideas and startling
innovations supply fresh
sensations for a public
never weary of novelty
and dramatic incident.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
450-A BIT OF ADVICE.

I'm an auld Scotch sawney luikin' on,
I've watched you mOny day,
Ye dour and soucy puzzler lads,
Now let me hae my say.
Ye would ma hae me say it oot
WI naught TO tax the min,
Ny wee bit counsel or advice,
'Tis Sharply" you will fin.
pTis ane lang word, make it twa)
For-luik ye moo at "henna,"
An Leather straps for legs o. hawks"
Twill cos ye ne'er penny
HAPPY THOUGHT.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
49-CHARADE.

The first is one, a Latin word,
In compositions often heard.
TIE second may be very small,
May trouble you or nourish all.
The WhoJe, an animal in fables,
Was never found in any stables;
On royal arms in foreign lands.
On waving fiags he proudly stands;
A weapon of defense-his fame
And ornament-e1plains his name.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
THE LEADERS, RESPONSIBILITY.

"In general, it may be said that this
dance is succession of brief waltzes inter-
spersed with figure movement of every kind.
The leader must know exactly what he is
going to do from one end of the evening to
the other, but no one in the company need
know what is coming unless it be possibly
the first four, SO called, that is the two
couples who are selected to carry out the
leaders instructions before the others take
their turns, for except in the general waltzes
it is seldom that all parties engaged in the
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

ladies present to dance a figure with him. The
invention of new figures is no easy matter. too
Beyond the planning of movements, there has
to be something done to secure articles such as
the curtains and screens and candles which
may be used in them. All this work the leader
has to do unassisted, and any defect in the
arrangements is necessarily chargRble to
him.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

PALINDRoMEs.
ANIDEAL BELLE.
Never was ogle seen in her glance,
Never in bed was she found at seven,
Never would firt with dudes in the dance
Never entrdp q partner eUeT.
AN UNcLE's ADVICE.
Good counsel Pm bestowing,
Because know it's needed;
But from the way you're going,
fear me little needed
Now, your esteemed puppy,
In company derided.
Did ISGy sir. copy
HypocrtSu as I did.
GROWING EVIL.
Well, men may launch invectives
'Gainst novels of the times,
Which deify detectives,
And dip in filthy crimes,
That the brains of youth might gather
Vigor by degrees
Upon our shelves I'd rather
See Pope's Epopees.
HE GAVE THEM THE NEGATIVE.
When the world-famed Daguerre
First essayed the photograph,
He made sober savantS stare
And the unbelievers laugh.
When he triumphed, how he chafed
At their questions how twas done,
And but one reply vouchsafeG,
''No: Uith gjLded light uon."
MONTREAL, CAN. W. WILSON.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
46-CUP1D's RAMBLE.

(DeIetionS)
There are three calendars at our gate . /. !.
.. but they are all blind of the right eyey-
arabian WfgItts.
Sly Cupid one day. as the chroniclers say,
Grew sick OF his homely den,
And equipping himself, the sportive elf
Set out for the haunts of men.
And his object there, old legends declare,
Was to war upon human kind;
To rob them of sight in broad daylight,
For his votaries all are blind.
His journey led by patients bed
And he blinded him with shot;
When the eyeless trunk on Its rickety bunk
Was much by inventors sought.
He met a maid in rustic plaid
When, poising his dart again
He treated the quick as he served the SICK,
And the maiden became insane.
Then in he fell with an infideL
Who scoffed at things above;
When he blinded him, as his sight grew dim
He as gentle became as dove
He turned about, met soldier stout,
And, including him in his plans,
So his sight destroyed that he's since en-
ployed
At tinkerIng old wives pans.
In passing down a cathedral town
The minister stood in the porch,
Whom he on the sly deprived of an eye,
And changed him into church.
At ease in an inn where he thought it no sin
To stop for quiet lunch;
He the waiter bereft of his sight and left
The liquid diluting his punch.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

depends upon the ingenuity and success of
the leader. In some of the most exclusive
circles in this city, where the word 'cotil-
lon is used, it has become more precise
than it formerly was, and the various 6g-
ures at least have settled down into kind
of set routine so that eventually there has de-
veloped special dance taking three or four
hours which will be the came this year and
the year after. But those who extract the
most genuine fun from it are those who re-
tain most of the old methods by which the
amusement is very largely dependent upon
novelties introduced each evening.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

in society above other men, but just what
this leader does or how arduous his duties
are is a matter understood only by the few.
1t would seem that the german might be the
very pleasantest form of social amusement,
and though it assumes quite different as
poets under different leaders in general it is
bound to remain at the hesd of all dance
gatherings.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20

SHIRTS, our own make, Jackson's 81
shirt. 2,100 linen bosom, finest fitting shirts
that can be made. None without the name
of Jacksons. 954 and $50 Liberty st.
TTSu
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
Stitches In the Back Cured.

Peter e. Vandewater, Commissioner of Hich.
ways, Woodsburg, Long Island. n. Y. writes:
During the last three years / have been
troubled with stitches in the back They came
on without the slightest warning and laid me
up for two or three weeks at a time and nothing
did me any good. Over year ago had a more
severe attack. ! could hardly move Mywlfe
then applied an Allcock's Porous Plaster. on
the small of the back where the kink appeared
to be. never had used one before. In a short
time all pain had vanished. and the next morn.
ing got up and attended to my business. put
a fresh plaster on every week for a month and
l feel that have been entirely cured, as have
not had an attack in the last Is months" su
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
THE ROBINS SWEET SONG OF LOVE.
CORRESPONDENCE OF THE DISPATCH J

AL w AY, IRE
LAND, January z.
AN wun ye be
havin' a two-eyed
beefsteak for yer
breakfast, the morn
imp" sang Ellie
Madigan at the
wide open door of
my cavernous room
in the quaint old
Nladigan inn of
Galway. L had
heeu living in nv
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-01-20
447-RIDDLE.

Please take two noses, just for fun,
And place them side by side;
And see how quick a seed will grow
To tan the Egyptians hide.
ABBIE A. MUDGETL