Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-06-03

by the double quick that our DoODln rum
Something new under the sun-a patch
on a boys trousers.
''Do you enjoy good health?" 'Why,
yes, to be sure, who doesn't?"
Is marriage a failure? OF course it is
not. Marriage is an assignment.
Guthrie, Oklahoma has this advantage
over Rome,-that it was built in a day.
$50 long as Ireland was silent under
her wrongs, England was deaf to her
cries"
Some people maintain that the only way
to get a fine dinner is to have a course
dinner.
plication, is derived from the old adage,
''jest not"
Observation-Disclosures, when the sun sets
how can she hatch new moon so quick
every night?
PA" said a little fellow to his anshav-
en- father, ''your chin looks like the wheel
in the musical box"
1t is a little girl of five who makes the
discovery that the shad is porcupine
turned inside out.
Postmaster General Wanamaker is said
to be a great reader. However this may
be, he is now a man of letters.
Probably the most wide-awake class of
men in this country are the young fathers
who have been blessed with twins.
Stranger-Will you tell me. sir, If l am
half way to Badgertown! Irishman-
Faith, an l will, if you will tell rue where
you started from.
Maiden Lady-They tell me, sir, that
every watch has Il bow. Jeweler-Yes,
ma'am. Maiden Lady-Dear mel How
wish / were watch
''What shall we do with our old
clothes?" asks a correspondent. Start
newspaper to fill a long-felt want; you
will need them afterward.
Grocer-Half a pound of tea? Which
VIII you have, black or green? Servant -
Shure, ayther will do; it's for an ould
woman that's nearly blond.
feature of hay fever is simply an excess of
nerve force. There are really two chief
features-the nose and the handkerchief.
Mr.. Tanner was not the first man who
lived on water for forty days, said Smudge.
No? queried Fudge. OF course not. Who
else? Well, what's the matter with Noah?
Nhn Of hot to 81,
parlor warbling, sob, would L were a
bird !" "Well here's beginning for you,"
said the landlord. And he handed him his
bill.
Guide (tO American tourist in Venice)
You will want to see the Lion of st.
Mark, of course, sir? Yourselves, L
spose so. About what time do they feed
him?
Brown-Well, Jones, have you succeed
ed in capturing Miss Smiths hand yet?
Jones-Not yet, but I've got the next
thing to it. Brown-Ah? Jones-Yes; L
got the mitten.
Mr.. Van Stine-Your friend who has
just left US seems quite pessimist, Miss
OOncS. hlSS OOucS-Oll, HO. MI w ~
bash is an oculist, and they do say one of
the finest in the city.
The hot water cure is highly spoken
of. A young man of our acquaintance
was completely cured of an attachment
for young lady by one kettleful, which
the Old man let him have.
Pa, where was Captain Arson born!
4 don't know, I'm sure. Where was
John L. Sullivan born?-I don't know
that, either Pa, l wish you would buy
me history of the United States.
Nothing shows one who his friends are
like prosperity and ripe fruit. l had
good friend in the country once whom
almost never visited except at cherry
time. BY your fruits you shall know
them.
American Boy-Pop, what is the House
of Representatives called that for? Patri-
otto Father-Because it represents sixty
millions of people.-Well what does the
United States Senate represent?-Thirty-
two millions of dollars.