The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-24

BUDGET OF FUN.
p HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
couldn't Scratch Against the Door
Not Otherwisc-About the Same
Thing-An Anxious Search
Original Domestic Economy.
Artist Cat Shantytown house door,
tExcuse me, madam, but have an etch-
pg."
Irish Landladv (slamming the door in
lis face)-"An itchin' have yez? Begobs.
= hen ye'll not scratch yourself agin my
urew
NOT OTHERWISE.
Tom-"Will you take my note for
ayment?" !
Dick-"Yes; if it's bank note, and |
it's signed by the Treasurer Of the
Jnited States. Yankee Blade.
ABOUT THE SAME THING.
Editor-'sI am sorry to say that find !
our witticisms are not acceptable, Mr.. |
INK"
Jinx i'sarcasticallyI-"Too refined, per-
&aps2"
Editor -ssNo-no, refined is not ex-
ctly the word. Say too diluted, and
ou will come nearer the idea. ."-1erre
7aute E.rpress.
AN ANXIOUS SEARCH.
Ethel-"Oh, mamma! I've learned in
his book that preserved tomatoes will
= axe ink stains out of silk. I'm going to
ry it on my dress"
Ethel applies the tomatoes and hangs
he dress out to dry.
Mamma (next day)-"Ethcl, what are
ou poring over that book so long for?"
Ethel-''I want to find out what will
AXE tomatoes out of silk. ."-Binghamton
Republican.
ORIGINAL DOMESTIC ECONOMY.
A lady tells this: "We needed eggs
me morning, and old Maggie was sent to
he grocery to get some. Later in the
lay Maggie volunteered the general re-
hark that eggs is high
care they9" I replied. "How much2"
ssForty cints a dozen, mum. Sure I'd
Be after buying no eggs at that price,
mum, and so I borried them of the neigh
= ors!n-Bufab Commercial Adrertiser.
A LASTING WRONG.
Fred (bitterly)-'That woman did me
he greatest injury woman can do to man
gave me solemn promise of marriage"
'Harry-"And broke it,"
Fred-"No, kept it, and made me
: Feep it, too!"-Ameriea.
A CAUTIOUS GIRL.
Gone minute, mamma," said young
Foman, "I'll be down as soon as have
(nished taking this photograph"
"Photograph of whatl"
"Of Georges last letter to me. In
hese days of perishable writing fluids,
E's Just as we'll to be careful. ."-Nerchant
rarezer.
e.
ANOTHER VICTIM.
"Have you noticed how fearfully bad
Cholly has been looking of late?"
,"Yes; the paw feller is killing himself
kith overwork."
"Gud gwacious! You don't say.
What's he doing2"
sWhy, he's actually doing without
Falet. ."-NeW York Sun.
NOT A VICTORY.
sThe London Times seems to have got
be worst of that fight with Parnell."
''Yes, it ought to put in an editorial
Ike the one read in Western paper"
"What was itl'
s'It read: 'We had fight with Jim
Raddell the other day, but some one
bulled him off before we disfgured him."
- SESJtings.
A SAD REMEMBRANCE.
He-"She always goes alone. Won't
lave q gentleman attend her anywhere.
Her last escort met such shocking death |
light before her eyes, you know"
Il She-''I think I remember. He lost !
is life trying to save her when the con- |
|ert hall caught fire, didn't he?"
He-'No. He was crushed to death |
~ the ladies at Easterdudd's spring open
g."-Munsey's Weekly.
BROUGHT HIM TO HIS FEET.
~ fear it can never be, George" muir |
hured the fair girl. "There are obstacles
n the way"
"What are they, Laura?" demanded the
Ioung man, eagerly. "Perhaps I can
Rercome them"
.sPapa has failed in business, and"
s'You needn't mention any MORE" said
he young man dejectedly, as he got up
rom his knees Chicago Tribune.
A HORSE OF DIFFERENT COLOR.