Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1889-01-13
MR.. AND MRS. B0WSER.
GOODNESS THANKED THAT CHRISTMAS IS
REALLY OVER.
Mr.. Bowssr's Fateiul Compact With Our Old
Friend Santa Classifying Wife Fair
Warning Of What Did
No. Occur.
Detroit Free Press.

it over me as wespon to humble and
teTrify
Il was away back in June that he fret
began TO refer to it. He lost his keys one
day through a hole in his coat pocket, and
as soon as he entered the house he turned
that pocket wrong side out, AID ex-
claimed:
"Look at that, Ms. Boweer-lOok at
that Ibelieve you claim to be a wife and
mother and housekeepel?"
''You have hole in your pocket"
"Oh, I have! And you can see it! You
can actually see itw
'You should have called my attention
to il before, Mr.. BOwssr. I'll mend it in
about a minute"
"NO, you won't A wife with no more
interest n her husbands clothes than this
should let them entirely alone! You have
been the means of my losing all my keys,
end COW I give you fi' warning that you
don't get no Christmas prcssnts cut Of me
net even a stick Ct gumr'
He got darniDg needle and piece Of
striyg ard merded tho hcls himself, aud az
his keys were returned to him lft4r in ths
day lie apparently ,orgave me until next
time. A,ozgin June he had foft corn BE-
tween his toes, and one evening he sad:
''Seems 10 me you ought to have heard Of
some cure for a soft corn"
AZ have A lady told me that soap and
borax cured ore for her. Shalt l fix up
some for yOu?p
He YVES delighted at the idea, and l
shaved up some soap, made tho prepare
too and fused over his foot for an hour
Next morning that corn was so sore he
could not pat on his shoe, and he limped
around and yelled at me:
'You did it to feture revenge on me
you knoY you did! You expected blood
poisoning to set in"
81 siAply told you what a lady told
me "
81 don't believe any one ever told you
go! Soap ard borsx! Thiak Of l.! The
stuff would kill horse l had plar ned,
Mrs. Bowser, 10 make this a memorable
Christmas for you, but now I'll be hanged
if | do You don't get as much out OF me
SIS you can put into your earl
The corn got well in tbree or four days,
ard il was elk weeks before Mr.. BOwesr had
another opportunity to terrify ne. One
night had 10 20 down stars for come
medicine for baby, snd when l started DIR.
! Boyser lny on his lands and knees drawn
up. and his snore making the earth
tremble. Wien I returned he was behind
/ IL o,E boT - c-oa1r In him fguipn
before he would come out.
"Mr. Bower, what on earth oils yOn?"
I demanded.
"Whtre have yo1 besn?"
"Down stairs after the paregOric."
did you upset a ohaiIf"
"Yss. do think you thought burglars
were ia the house, and you got up gnd.bid
behind the door.
'You believe that, do yOu?n he shouted
as rs bravsly walked around and looked
over the banister
"Well, there's something ye,y queer
about it."
MS BoBser," he said coming back to
me. you have cast reflections 90 my per-
sonsi coursgl Your object is to humble
me- You knew was after nay revolver,
but Won ct ose to cast slur where another
would have praised. l was thinking OF
diamonds for your Christmas presents.
shall think 10 more. You won't even got
a bairpin from me
Tires CT four weeks passed away, and
ore evening he came home with a couple
Of tickets fer the theatre, and insist I'd that
we 20. We went. He did not like the
Play: somebody stole Eis gloves, SID We
missed the lsst car and had to walk 3 mile
and a half lie restrained himself for the
first half mile. and then the explosion had
to explode.
"Mrs Bowser," be bsgsn, this i4 the +
laat time you will ever make focl Of me-
"WhY, what have l doHe?n
Done Didn't you drag me eff 10 the
theatre and bring this result about?'
No. sir. Il was you who first suggest
ed orr going"
SIT was, eh? That remark settles you.
Mrs. Bowssr. l vas thinking OF pair of
bracelets d seal-skin sack for Christ
mas. bat shall think 20 more-ro more.
Ii you get even apap9r Of pins you may be .
thankful
About D ecember 1, Mr.. Bowser went /
down CELLAR after scuttle of cosl. On /
coming up one ear Ct the pail gave way .
ard upset the scuttle, and Mr. Bowser WIS .
thrown from his balance and went TO the I
foot of the stairs. I was in The second .
story ard knew nothing of the mishap
until be lie came limp.ng up stairs and /
shouted:
"Why didn't You tel me that ear WAS
loose?"
because I didn't know IT,"
"No. Won dida't NOV i. because you
haven't the least interest in what goes on
about this house, Here I've gone and al
most killed mys-lf or account ofyour care
lessnessr'
I'm very souy.'
Oh, yes, I presume 70, but thai went
count. Don't expect any Christmas gift
from me, Mr. Bowser-not cre-for you
won't get even @ shoestrirg"
A week before Chris mas Mr.. Bowser
suddenly fuog down bis papsr ore even
ing and rem TO the back door TO count the
strokes of fire.alarm. lie was in rush,
and there wss,ice on the steps, and the re-
sult was he got a tumble which tore his
coat, emptied his pockets and skinned his
shanks. He didn't ssy word, much 20
my surprise. until he got back into the
house aud looked TO sse if all the doors
were closed Then he stood before me
and sternly said
81 believe that was plot to kill me of. +"
''Pshaw, Mr.. BOwseTw
"Oh, you can 'pshaw' aud 'pshaw' until
doomsday, but know what know. You
knew that ice was there and you knew l
would meet with fall
"Did ring that fire bell?'
"Did you try TO stop me as went ont?
I had looked around little 10 see about a
watch for Christmas gift, bat this settles
il. Don't expect anything from me, Mrs.
BOEsarn
And yet Saata Claus brought ne lots Of
nice gifts, and Mr. Bower was as happy
es any one in the house over the fact. In
dol he mi biz arln arnnnd ne and aaid: