The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-02-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

luChy HSH-I ouitcTcES.
Aids to efiection-NIirrors.
Fashions surplus The hustle.
A designing mantle architect.
Epitaph for boatman-Life is oar.
Steak -holders-Restauran walters.
Room for argument-1he courtroom
Time out of mind-A forgotten date.
A "cow- catcher''-Pleuro- pneumonia.
A hand-to-hand affair-Courting in
the dark.
The oldest verse in existence-The
universe.
Beef was high when the cow jumped
over the moon.
A hotel advertises among its attrac-
tons ''parlor for ladies thirty-tive feet
wide. "-DetroH Free Press.
Where would you advise me to go
to, doctor2 l suffer so from insomnia"
YOU'D better go to sleep"
No man is big enough to safely ignore
the influence that put him where he is.
Unless he happens to be in jail.
You cannot expect a man to tell
WHICH way tuS Nuti lo oiihpiy bSSouSe
he is a little vain. b., ton Bulletin.
The butcher who had his whole stock
attached complained that there was too
much lien on his eat.-HoteL Nail.
Mrs. Westward, of Chicago, said her
husband tried almost everything; but
never made money until he tried lard.
The burning of the malt. house the
other day went against the grain and
caused considerable ferment.-Nsao York.
Neao'.
There is something paradoxical
about counterfeiting. 1t is money
making business which does not pay
Ns,o York News.
"Mary, how is it that the chairs are
all covered with DUST" "Why, ma'am,
no one has been sitting on them so far
to-day. - Cool Housekeeping.
"Heard my last Joke? 1t is great
positively Shakespeariau. "Yes, I
heard it. thought it was earlier than
Shakespeare though. "-Basar.
1t must seem strange, whene'er it SHOWS,
To the man who motion lacks;
1t matters not how slow he goes,
He cannot help make tracks.
-Judge.
"The wealth of the Vanderbilt family
is now computed at $2.4, 600, 600"
There is one family that will be able to
buy ice this summer. -Ricdm0nd Des-
patch.
Clara" Jack, can you return my
Iove?" Jack (who has an understand
ing" with Caras sister "Clara, can
not, hut l will always be brother-in-
law to you"
He said in derision, "Oh, give us rest
To the copper whose eye he had caught.
The policeman with promptness did grant
the request,
And gave him arrest on the spot.
Merchant Trdueler
ooh. postman, tomorrow morning /
have something very important to say to
my husband. Couldn't you be just a
little slow, so as not to deliver his news
papers till noon"-Fliegende Blastter-
The infinite variety
OF winter weather
Breeds discoutent, safety,
And ague altogether;
| Discharges sobriety,
And also strict propriety
In polish on shoe leather.
Chicago Netcs.
The craze for whistling among girls is
seriously troubling the humorous editor
of the Boston 7raasrilt He says it is
almost impossible to tell whether girl
is soliciting a kiss, or is only preparing
to pucker. He ought to give the girl
the benefit of the doubt Youngstown
| Herald.
'tAnd this is silver ore, is it," saio
Mrs. Snaggs. as she examined piece OF
curious looking mineral in Denver
smelter. ''Yes, my dear" said her hus-
band. ''And how do they get the silver
out2" "They smelt it." "Well, that's
queer" after applying her nose to the
ore. 81 smelt it, too, but didn't get
any silver. - Omaha Bes.