Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1889-05-17

BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM pr
VARIOUS SOURCES. ca
VIC
Why Ho Did Not Marry Whom hi,
Women Hold Ohice-A Maid
ems Artifice - Tools He
Gould Use, Etc, Etc.
tin
Your 70. daughters hand, dear sir. 1 ask wi
. Tho ba3hful suain made bold to say WI
her own consent, already given, SCI
Gladdens my heart from day TO day.
.And what" tho parent sterny said, ar
y Are prospects, that you claim as yours 8,
Exaiting you, and whom you we'd,
ABOVE the realm of household choresr seq
eve fifteen dollars in my inside pocket, ~,
While eight q week draw as pay.n v"
snat Is all, papa replied,
young man, adieu, farewell good dayn ga
W. II. Jones, IN Ne,o York Sun. 81
be-
Whom Women Hold Ofice
Female Sheriff els your husband at
homer
Wife (suspiclously)- "He is not. What at
Wv Jou want Oh MINT" thf
~ have an attachment for him." ma
You haze! Why, you bold thing" kn
-SDtings. AT
WI
Maiden's Artifce. rie
Artful Amy-t'Algernou, in parlia-
mentary usages, what does the presiding sid
officer say when matter is put to vote2H wi
Ilnsuspecting Algernon-"Are you
ready for the question" oil
Arttul Amy-"Y-ycs, Algernon, l WI
think l am Burlington Free Press
ria
Tools He Could Use. in.
Birs. softheart- "Henry, there is
poor, disconsolate looking tramp at the
door who wants to earn dinner. He
says he has been an artist on the daily ma
press" nd
Mr.. Softheart-"yery we'll. Give bal
him the Ratchet and let him smash up flo
that kindling wood. Burlington Free an,
Press. an,
Freedom OF Speech. the
"Slay catch your ear for moment7" da'
said the audacious thief rs he grabbed 'N
the lady's earring. thu
Certainly" interrupted the police ov,
man, ''aud the freedom you take en-. the
braces the privileges of my club" 20,
-Jcwclcrs' Weekly. yo'
Money in Literature. S
Publisher-"Oh, yes, indeed Money
can be made in literature. Why, sir, of
never saw women live moro luxuriously be-
than Miss Braddon and Miss Muloch." 81,
Poor Author (sadly)--"Y-e-s; but me
hey married their publishers. "-PAila- reg
lelphia Record.
an,
Poor Philosophy
Ancient Actor (regre.fully) -"Well, joe
Walter, who would think that we should Sh
ever come to this2" to
Walter ian old pall-"Nothing un-
natural, old fellow. We played to poor ma
houses all our lives, so why regret resid- 81
ing for awhile and finally dying in onc?" val
.Me,o York Sun.
He Preferred tho Extra Expense.
Fond Mother Really, Charles, Anne
ia's voice must be cultivated If we ]
Keep her at home it can be done for ne'
about $500. II we send her abroad it paI
will cost $4,000. Which would YOU j
prefer2"
Cnfeeling Father" Send her abroad" hol
Burlington Free Press us
llel
Did He Co. to
Raynor-"Chokeband, why don't you CLIO
come around and join our club? You've OF
lad invitations enough" doi
Chokeband-'I know it, but I'm OF
afraid its an intellectual affair" hal
Eaynor-"oh, no, i. isn't. You sec
wouldn't feel out of place in the least" "o
--Btiington Free Press.
A Sufic ieut Reason. hoi
Rrown- .sJo,,o Roh;nso, .,4 DIRE
yOu wern takinn in ho musicale 20 AfCi
night"
liobinson-"I just left there"
Brown--''What made you leave SO
,arlys" we
Robinson-"A sixteen year old young Ma
nan trying to sing Larboard Watch, AN
Alloy. '"-Epoch. onl
jus
Would Take His Chances. i"e
Hungry Tramp Madam, will you g.,
please give me something to eat:" r ra,
,,;nco Mo H.. H. f;S ~ o sec
eat it. The cook isn't sure that she a.,
didn't use rough on rats by mistake, and t An
was just going to put it in the stove" 1Au
"No. iemmc have it. Eve eaten
nince pie and lived, and I'll take my
chances on rough on rats" III,
An Economical Scheme tno
'Isn't that a new dog you've got, . ,i,s
Browne t the
"Yos, I've only had him a short 70 tnO
time" ~,
",fust be an expense to keep big a aos
animal like that2" On.
'No, bought him purely for cconomi- Ma
cal reasons. L turn him loose in the
yard at eight O clock and you would be .
surprised to learn how much he saves me do,
in gas and coal. "-Epon a.
Western Life. t1
MT. w Inks 'Deeu w CSI, e0f HeOplc nrr