The Penn's Grove record., 1889-07-06
WIT AND

We are glad to shout down word
from the top that there seems to be
more room up here than ever before
I'd BITS.
A refractory car window and a
pretty Girl will make a big man feel
very small.-Drake'S TraUeier's Maoa-
zine.
Minneapolis landlady has been
fined $40 for slapping her hired-girl.
We will make n of ten to pay that
wOman's fine--Ppck.
.'Do YOU know why MI. S. allows
his hair to grow long. while Mrs. s.
keeps hers cut short?" Yes; they're
both iterary.-Harper's Bazar.
Chicago husband-Ahl good news,
good news! Our divorce has been
granted. Chicago wife-Thank good
ness! We can now be happy for ever
mOre.-Tid-BttS
The woman who pays $50 for a bon
net will reach down a lamp-chimney
for five minutes and nearly burn her
nails to the quick to light a piece Of
folded paper and ave a match Puck.
Toledo babies are the most loyal
citizens in the world to their native
city" ''Why?7 Because when you
take them away they invariably cry
for their Maumee."-Ioledo Com
mercidL.
Chimney, what's dat black on yer
eyeP" asked one gamin of another.
Oats a question mark" ''Er which,"
"a question mark. Me father gim-
me one there fur akin too many ques-
tions. - Washington Critic.
Jealousy is the meanest passion that
can influence the human mind. If you
don't believe il Just ask the husband
whose wife has forbidden him to kiss
the prettiest of all her charming
cousins.-SomerUiHe Journal.
We hope that Mr.. John Lawrence
Sullivan will leave his diamond belt
where clergymen and teachers who
are struggling along on $500 a year
can see it when they come to Boston.
Such people should be encouraged
Boston Globe.
Several millionaires have recently
given their advice to young men as to
how to get rich. Now if the men who
have been happy without getting rich
would tell how that is done they will
perform a much more valuable service.
Boston Her1td.
English waiter Contemplating emf.
gration) to American tourist-"And
ave you any 'otel tips over there?'
American (enthusiastieally)-Hote
tips? You bet! You should just see a
cyclone tipping a Western hotel:"-
Boston Courier.
Conductor ION Georgia railroad)-
Do you mean to tell me, madam, that
the child is not u years old? Madam
(~sharply) Well. she wasn't when the
train started, but, land alive! there's
no tellin' how old she may be now
New York Sun.
Miss Snobberly, who has just written
a letter-"Ma, is a one-cent stamp en-.
ough for this letter." Old Mrs, Snob.
berly, proudly-"Put on a two-ceni
stamp, my daughter, or people will
say the Snobberlys are not people OF
the right stamp."-2eras Sifttngs.
1t is said that the husbands of red
headed women ultimately become
lCUlOr-Dllnu III must ne so, Tor we
have noticed that when a woman OF
| that description sues for divorce there
is generally a black or brown haired
female mixed up in the case Teas
SJtimgS.
Husband-Young Miliken seems to
have made quite a name for himself
Wife-You surprise me. l never
thought that he would amount to any
thing. Husband-O, yes. He car
hold an eyeglass on his eye longer
than any member of the club.-Dra6e'.
Magazine.
$50 you maintain, professor, thai
children should never be slapped oil
whipped" II do maintain it. The
parent who whips his child is a Grimm
al. Happily, my children r all quie1
and obedient. If | had a son like
Sniderly's boy I'd break his back
Lincoln Journal.