The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1889-01-04
A more pleasant physic
You never will find
Than Pierce's small "Pellets,"
The Purgative kind.

During conversation on a railway train we'll
dressed old dressed old fellow became interested
in young man.
"You are just starting out in life, suppose"
he ..syaaidd;,
Have you any idea as to what you intend to
doP" W
''None whatever"
what would you like to do?n
don't know. Idon't think / have any es-
pecial fitness for anything"
.Got no leading toward any calling?"
aWhy, then. did you leave homer"
We'll the truth Is, was bored. My brothers
and sisters are musicians and their playing
sY9u don't Ike music, thenq'
'Can you sing?o
mot note"
"Young man." said the old fellow speaking
with emotion, "you need feel no further anxiety
concerning your future. l will give you grand
opportunity. am the manager OF an opera COM
pany, and want you"
Awoman who Is weak, nervous and
sleepless, and who has cold hands and feet can.
not feel and act like well person. Carter's Iron
Pills equalize the circulation, remove nervous
ness and give strength and rest
"Ah, john" said loving young wife, lit seems
like tempting Providence for you to get your life
Insured; almost as If you were preparing for
death, you Know" and she cried little on the
collar of his new coat.
Don't be foolish, little one,n he gently remon
strated; "if L should be called suddenly you
would have $4,000 TO keep the wolf from the
'Ten thousand, John?" she said with a conyuI-
slye sob Il thought you were to get it insured
for $4,000" 4
When Baby was sick we gave her Castoria.
When she was a Child, she cried for oastoria,
When she became Miss, she chung to castoria
When she had Children. she gave them Castoria,
81 don't understand" said Rollo looking up
from his book, "why an excess Of wealth should
be a bad thing. should think the Weather
man was the happier he would be-
"Not at ALL said his Uncle George, YEARLY,
Possession in moderation is the right thing
Now nerve Is grand thing; it's splendid for
man to have nerve. But If has so many nerves he
can't keep the rest of em quiet long enough to
put that one to sleep, his riches embarrass him.
Burdette.
A mans wife should always be the
same especially TO her husband, but If she is
weak and nervous, and uses Carters Iron Pills,
she cannot be, for they make her feel like
differept person." they all say, and their hus-
bands say so tool
Through some unaccountable carelessuess in
the composing room of a rural journal the obtua-
ry of one of the towns livest citizens crept into
tn paper Que morning. 1t was not many h, urs
after the issue Of the edition that the "lamented
himself crept into the Sanctum aud vigorously de-
manded a correction in the next mornings paper.
1t appeared as follows:
20 Ir yesterdays edition contained the an
nouBcement Of the death OF our esteemed fellow
townsman, Colonel Jones. 1t is with profound re-
greet that we state that our announcement was
premature. The Colonel still Ives, and we beg 10
assure him not only Of our distinguished consider
alton, but that il shall be 0nr constant effort TO
see that he shall not be annoyed in this manner
again until the last dread hour has in very truth
arrived To this end we have ordered the stand
ing obituary of Colonel Jones to be distributed"
Harper's Magazine.