News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-01-31

How wise are we when the chance has fed,
And glance we backward castl
We know just the thing we should have said
When the time for saying it's past.
Boston Courier.
SHE HAD A CHANCE.
Maud-See here, Bess I hear that
you are going to be married. Didn't
you and and Mabel agree, on the lst
of January, 1887, that we would mover
marry as long rs we lived!
Bess-Yes; but you see girls, I've
had chance. That alters matters.
Maud and Mabel (both together)-
Oh Huntington Free Press.
CLASS IN COMPOSITION.
Teacher-Now, children, I will give
you three words Boys, Bees, and Bears;
! and [ want YOU to compose Il sentence
which will include all three words.
Small Boy-I have it.
Teacher-John Mccarthy, you may
give us your sentence.
John McCarthy-Boys bees bare whin
they goes in swimmin' .-B0zar.
WASTED EFFORT.
Charitable Visitor (about to leave the
| hospitaI-I never saw such a cold heart
ed person as that patient near the win
dow. | read one of Heber Newton's SER
mons to him fully ten minutes, and he
didn't show the least emotion.
Attendant-I'm sure he didn't mean
to hut your feelings, mum; he's deaf as
a post.-Puck.
LOST HER BEARING.
Little Mamie being inclined to be am
bidexterous had much difficulty in dis
| tinguishing her right hand.
"Now," said her mamma, eff you
! turn your face toward the window your
right hand is the one next to the bu-
! reau."
Shortly after this the family being
about to move, this especial bureau was
sold. The next day q neighbor who was
calling on the family noticed the child's
FREE use of the left hand.
"Mamie," he said, (Which is your
right band ?"
81 don't know" was the prompt an
swer. "Mamma has sod the bureau"
VERY MUCH ATTACHED TO IT.
'I suppose" said the visitor, ''you
get used to life in Sing Sing"
ooh, indeed, yes" replied the pris
the old place. That is why we don't
leave it tsooner.-Bu=Gr.
NOT PROCESSION.
Mr.. Newlywed-My dear, what is this
procession passing through my back
yard [ thought the political excite
ment was over.
Mrs. Newlywel-Why, lovey, that
isn't procession. It's the hired girls
cousins coming to call on her.-Burting-
ton Free Press.
THE PARENTAL EYE.
cav! % exclaimed young B. Jabaz
Struckitt as he admire the reflection of
his first Swallow taiI' in the mirror;
''faw the first time in my life feel as if
Twas dwessed like gentleman.
''I'm sorry, Jaboz," said h1s mother,
obviously; "but pears to me you look
more like a waiter than ev,r!"
THE OLD QUESTION.
Reginald Young (who has been very
attentive during the eveningJ-I Won
der, Miss Mabel, if you would consider
me impertinent should ask you the old,
old question?
Miss Mabel (great'y agitated)-Oh,
Reginald this is SO sudden-I-I-
yes, will listen to you, Reginald.
Reginald-Well, then, have you read
"Robert Elsmere g"-TrOy Te,egram.
IT DIDN'T WORK.
She-Well, leap year has gone.
He-Yes it has gone.
She-Well, hope you are no longer
in fear that 1 shall propose to you.
He-I never had any such fear.
She--You didn't2
He-No, indeed 1 know that you
knew 1 would do that myself the mo-
ment got ready.
She-Yes, [ know you would.
He-And Iwoud do it now, since you
have brought the subject up.
She with great throb ut her heart
Yes.
He-Yes, only amt ready yet ,
Boston Courier.
QUITE AN OLD OFFICE BOY.
"Talk about honesty" said old Mrs
Peterby; 'why, the firm that John is
with never had occasion once to find
fault with his service"
"Mr. Peterby is getting quite Old,
isn't he 2" asked the visitor.
eyes; John is on the shady side of |
sixty. Why, he's been otIice-boy for J
Jones and Smith for over forty years.
WHAT "FAMILY PHYSICIAN" MEANS.
w IlO Is ROu6lhl DlGh6Gb lhu1llN {
physician?" was asked of O doctor. {
II guess I am, was the reply; "at |
least he owes me three hundred dol ;
lars" {
THE CRITIC CRITICISED. t
"Your story, Mr. Winterkill, sail the t
magazine editor TO the rising Young l
author, "suits mo very we'll. 1 OBJ I
serve in it some trivial faults, however. |
For instance, you describe the heroinc's l.
canary us drinking water by tapping it
up eagerly with her tongue Isn't that
peculiar way for q canary to drink
water z"
''Your criticism surprises me-" said
Mr.. Winterlull, in panied voice. )
"Still, if you think your readers would I
prefer it, perhaps it would be better to q
let the canary drink its water with :
teaspoon" I
CHANCE FOR SORE TONGUE. 8
Mrs. Poots-What are you looking so t
glum about! f
Poots-Oh, there's q confoundedlv @
tender spot on my tongue from resting /
against broken tooth.
''Humph! You're always grunting S
about something. Funny I never have O
anything like that the matter with my l
tongue" y
Nothing funny about it. Your +
tongue is never at rest. - Teras Sif- r
fngs. +
TOO MUCH FOR HIS MIND, n
Mrs. W.-What are You doing, dear a
Mr.. W.-Musing on the infinite, fl
Mrs. W.-You must stop it. You'll t
go crazy if you keep your mind fixed on a
your debts.-L9c.
ALI, CAN MARRY 8
"Why, Jennie, what do you think2'' .
she cried, as she stopped friend on the 4
avenue the other morning. %
"You've gone to housekeeping, 1
bet"
eyes, we have! George only gets So
n week, you know, and mamma was
doubtful but its all right. We can buy
we want and have lots left. o
Why, what do you think turnips cost?" q
81 don't know" u
"Only cent pint, and 1 can get /
small cabbage for three cents. IL
HE TALKED SHOP. T,
First Washington Girl-Ob, Ethel, s,
have been introduced to General Greedy, o
the Chief Signal Officer. b
Second Washington Girl--Did you tt
like him, dearl n
81 would, but for one thing: he talks k
shop" S
"lou surprise me What did he talk g.
lboutl'' Ii
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