Morning journal and courier., 1889-11-23
WONDERFUL.

Dyspepsia and broken heart exhibit wonderful similarity in their surface indica- | tions.-Milwaukee Journal If you are going to invest in drug to pro- duce sleep, buy opium. By such 8 purchase you will get morphia money.-Norristown Herald.
 A western audience has solved the prob- lem. Hamlet was mad. At least the one they saw was when he got hit by a cabbage. -Munsey's Weekly.
 The New York Press heads an editorial, ''Let Apathy be Dismissed" Who's Apa. thya Some Democratic postmaster whom Harrison has overlooked, we esuppose.-Texas Siftings.
 Doubtful How to Act.-'.Beggar who, leaving house, is hit by an old boot thrown l after him-"By love, don't know whether
 that is meant for gift or an insult. ."-Flieg-
 ende Blatter.
 1 It was once remarked by @ certain profess | sor at Cornell, well known for his oft-ex- pressed contempt for our climate, that i've never have any weather in this county; we have only samples"
 The Ruling Drift of thought.-F1rst Politi- cian-"Is there really future Statea" Sec- ond Politician-"A future Statei Why, there are four of them; haven't you read the election newss"-Puck.
 Rough Westher.-Mrs. Stayhome-"Did you have rough weather on the ocean. Mrs. Globetrot-"Indeed we did. Why, it was worse than riding over New York pavements in cab."-New York Weekly.
 Dootor-"You need more exercise" In- disposed-"Why, Pm steadily engaged in by the day, expects" Indisposed- Doctor-"Well, you had better work by the job for 8 while."-Waif. The eldest-"How sorry I am that you were not here last Christmas to see our beautiful presents" The new governess- "Never mind, dear. I can see your presents next Christmas" The eldest-Oh no; we never keep governess as long as that."- Boston Budget.
 "You are great friend. Here it is three days that you have known that Dr. x. has ing. know that he confided his secret to you" Secret! 1 thought everybody know it. If had suspected it was a secret, I should have told you at once. ."-Fligende Blatter.
 Sobbing young wife Carrying on her share of the first quarreI I-"I think you-you are just the-m-the m-meanest man in the world" Young husband (with a wider knowledge of mankind all you know about it. Winifred. I could be . blamed sight meaner than I am without breaking the ecord."-Mercury.
 Two Consultations ons-Customer-"Is Rub. nose's Rheumatic Remedy good for acute rheu. matism, the result of coldg" Drug clerk 'I-I don't know. I'll see." (Whispers to proprietary "Have we Rubnose's Rheu- matic Remedya" Proprietor-"No; only Bull6nche's." Clerk (to customer r)-"No; not half so good as Bullfnche's. ."-Har- per's Bazar.
 It was in the town of Stoneham that there abode lawyer thrifty and keen in his pur- suit of the root of all evil. And of him it is told that on one occasion he was employed by poor widow to collect debt of $23.47 which was due her. The lawyer succeeded with little difficulty in securing the money, the person who owed it being ready enough to defraud the poor widow, but having . wholesome fear of the law before his eyes. The lawyer sent for the widow to tell her of l his success, and great was her joy, since sorely | did she need it. "I suppose" she said with hesitation, after he had related his success, | that I owe you something for your work.n "Well, i" he replied with an air of the greatest magnanimity, "I ought to charge you $25, but know yeu are poor; you need not both CT about the other $1 53" And the widow went home sorrowfal, but wiser than she had been before.- Boston Courier.