The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1889-01-26
A SAD BAKER BOY.
He Pays Dearly for Thorough
Lesson in Etiquette.

He Pays Dearly for a Thorough
Lesson in Etiquette.
Little Johannes Strikes Lot Of Fssaen-
gers Who Seriously Object to Flour,
and After a Few Misi,aps Finds
Himself Outside Of tho Car.
AT least one German bakers boy in this
city knows more about elevated railway eti-
quctte to-day than he did yesterday says
the New FORK Herald
Johannes-he confded to me with many
b1ubberings that his name was Johannes,
when his brief but exceedingly fruitful
experience was over-Johannes took the
train at the City Hall Station at six O'Clock,
when there is the usual rush for home.
There was considerable Of him, and it was
most thoroughly covered with tho whitest
kind Of white flour. Never, certainly. was
there q more thoroughly befoured tndivid-
uaL There was not spot about him as
large as ten-ccnt piece that was not COW
cred with the emblem Of his trade, and 1t
looked almost as if the journeyuen in
Johannes shop had buried him head FORE
most in q -four barrel before sending him
out. And 1t was the most annoying kind Of
-four, too. It seemed to fly nll over you If
you only looked cross-cyed at it.
It may be very readily imagined, there
fore, that Johannes was not welcomed with
any degree Of enthusiasm in the crowded
car in which he found Judgment. In fact,
he was tho recipient Of many dark and
threatening g}ances from the ladies and
gentlemen between whom he forced his
way, not to mention pet shoves and pleas
ant jabs which greeted him in his course,
and had he been any thing but Germans
bakers boy he might have taken warning
from these ominous signs OF displeasure.
But he wasn't, and he only wiggled the
harder IS the jabs increased in iorco and
number. He was oblivious to every thing
except the necessity to keep moving The
spirit Of perpetual motion, which Mr.. Keely,
Of Philadelphia, has been coquetting with
for some time, seemed to have possession Of
anatomy. Every part Of him wiggled like
disjointed snake, aud he kept shifting from
one end Of the car to the other like an imp,
leevi!- 6 q streals Of white ilour in his trail
on the coats and dresses Of the passengers.
If any one in the vehicle escaped a touch Of
his wilderness it certainly wasn't Johannes
fault. The dark and threatening glances
gradually grew to scowls, the jabs md
pushes gave way to cuffs and hicks, the men
uluttercd curses and women gave vent to
vicio1s little EXPLANATIONS in which 'sGttle
imp" and ''littie eievir' predominated; ac-
cordng to the speakers degree Of culture.
And Johannes only wiggled she harder.
I felt that matters were approaching
climax and expected 10 see murder commit
/ ted at any moment.
"Houston street," yelled the guard. The
train stopped with jolt Every body who
was standing, including johannes, made
! wild grab for support, and every body, ex-
cepting Johannes, connected. Fate was
against the bakers boy. He had evidently
! tempted it too strongly. At any rate, his
grab yielded only space. His eyes rolled
wildly, and in q halo Of white dust he sailed
most ungracefully plump into the lap Of q
lat old lady magnidceutly attired IL, q black
satin dress.
There was Shrek, a tyroan, AND johann
| mes was flung violently upward and tor
ward. Then another Shrek. this time Of
wage, us the fat old lady looked ct her
magnificent black dress covered with the
most beautiful loG of -four you have ever
| seen.
she only looked q moment, however.
! Then, with the most alarming dispatch, she
broke after Johannes, who was wiggling
with red doubled energy for safety toward
the other end ct the Ger. Those Of tho pas
! sengers whom he did not cover sufficiently
with his -four the Old lady finished up from
her dress, and pandernoniu reigned.
In about sixteen seconds the old lady
aught up with the bakers boy, and then
through tho white dust you could SEQ
wild whirling OF arms, &n inextcicable
struggle Of feet, & revolving OF two snowy
bodies aud that was all, except that you
! heard the most distressing shrieks OF pain,
i1atermingled with the most awful and
GREATNESS tongue-lashing mortal ever
listened to. It only lasted about a minute,
and you could see by the gracefully settling
-four dust that comparative calm reigned.
As the atmosphere cleared more and moro
it disclosed the old lady with firm grip on
tho baker boys blonde curls, an excited
guard wildly brushing at what had been q
blue coat and about two dozen OF the mad
dest kind of spectators Of both sexes GOV.
cred from head to foot with -four.
ssNinth streetl'' called the guard in the
other end of the car,
"Put him out!'' "Kill him!" "Throw
him drown into the streets" "Put him
under the engne7" came from the end
where all the excitement was. Then there
was shout, a shove, more flour dust and
q fearful yell, followed by what some peo-
pie might have called ga dull thud." /
forced my way out just as the train
moved on, and found the bakers BOY howl
ing like mailman, covering on the plat
form. They had thrown him bodily over
the gate (the enraged passengers) and he
had almost landed in the street. In the
best German that could command started
to upbraid HIM for his suicidal course; but
he only stopped blubber,ng long enough to
assure me that he didn't know he had been
hurting any body's feelings. left him as
hopeless case and advised him to go
downstairs and wait for an empty street
car
10. danke, danke, mein herr, aber ich
verde mir n,emals mehr in elmer car
trauen," he blubbered after me. But he
pocketed my nickel just the same, as he
started down the steps.
A Railroad Mans Theory.
A correspondent of the Northwestern Ran-
roader advances Il curious theory for the In
creasing prevalence Of floods and rain
storms. He says that there are over 10000
locomotives in use in North America, and
estimates that from them alone over $1,000.