The Delta independent., 1889-07-09
Who Reads American Novels

sidney Smith once asked: "Wh no
ever reads an American novel?"
II Sid had knocked around among
the hills and dells OF L Pluribus
Unum he would have found scads of
people who read American novels. In
every hotel in this fair land of liberty
there are two or three chambermaids
who lie awake nights to read "Goldie
Sweetlip," and Lady Arunde's
Stocking Supporter; or, The Hand that
Belongs to u Duke is My Meat" and
many other such elevating pieces OF
fiction.
In every small town there are lots OF
boys between twelve and fifteen years
of age who read "Red-Ha nded Mike,
The Holy Horror of Holocaust Hol-
low," as we'll as numerous blood curd-
ling Indian stories, and, in their
minds, they are mounted on painting
bronchos, riding at swinging gallop
over the wide expanse of plains, when
whiz! comes an arrow shaving the fur
of their caps, and they turn and slay
whole tribe OF Indians and rescue a
beautiful maiden who wears buckslin
pants, and marry her.
Sometimes they read detective stor-
les and allow themselves 70 roam In
imagination over tho dreary Steppes
Of Russia in pursuit OF man who stole
a pin-cushion. The small boy who
imaginatively shoves the cold gleam-
ing muzzle of bulldog revolver into
the robbers face, moves not muscle
OF his determined countenapce, and in
stern, cold, bet-yer-neck voice says:
"Come, now. the game is up and !
must have you. am cock-eyed Pat
the Omaha detective, and your name
Is m-u-d."
1.-The Quick or The Dead" (of which
you have perhaps heard) is an Ameri-
can novel, and it would be easier to
say who has not read it than who has.
Many coy, timid young girls OF twenty
six or twenty-eight have stolen off to
the privacy OF their rooms. and taking
of their shoes and pulling down the
blinds, have reveled in tho quick
phrases OF tho book; many bashful
men who would faint II girl said
boo" to them have, stayed awake all
night to read tho tale OF the plump,
red-headed widow who rapturously
kissed her lover in the dimple OF his
neck. Preachers, bankers, editors.
barkeepers, cowboys, the high and low,
the rich and poor. the great and small
have all read 1.-The Quick Or The
Dead" Everybody reads an Ameri-
can novel. Come again, Sid.
A western editor offered five dollars
for the name OF any one who read all
of "a Modern Instance" and had no
takers, but then "a Modern Instance"
Is not an American novel, nor any
other kind Of 4 novel.
There is not much wear and tear on
your cerebrum in reading an American
novel; you always know how it is 60
ing to end and are not kept In sus-
pense. There is always q heroine
named Dolly or Meg or Judith and q
hero named Bob. and Bob falls in love
with the stately doughter OF q million
aire, and Meg or Polly or Judith. who
loves Bob, suffers in silence and allows
a pallor to abide where once she daubed
the red. red rouge; then Bob sees that
she loves him and he laughs great
boyish laugh and folds her in his strong
embrace and marries her, and the
.pampered daughter OF the millio naire
is left.
Some American novels contain a
great muny illusions to troglodytes,
and others speak in glowing terms Of
the way the. ruddy sun has OF casting
his glorious rays aslant over the pale
gray hills, but they always wind up by
Bob marrying Meg.-V. r. Reed In
Texas Siftings.