The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-01-03

Were you ever on rack! Modern
spirit-No, but I've been on dentists
hair.-Phiiadelphia Record.
True nobility consists in paying
ones debts before the tradesmen are
done wearing themselves out with
duns.-New Orleans Picayune.
A philosopher says: ''Modesty is
maiden's necklace" 0, my! 0, my!
Then it would be worn at full-dress
ball.-New Orleans Picayurae.
Father-"You have been three years
at the university, DOW tell me what
Won have done" Son-sI have taught
three dogs to drink beer. '-Gernnan
Fan.
Many a drinking young man who
goes into pawnshop would be glad
to take the pledge, but the pawnbroker
won't let him for obvious reasons
Washington Critic.
In Ecuador it is understood that the
employer shall board the cooks family.
The case is similar in America, only
the employer doesn't understand it,
brakes Magazsne.
Peddler-Am addressing the lady
of the house? Girl-Which lady, the
washlady, the culinary lady, or if you
want to see the doorlady, why that's
me.-Ierre Raute Express.
We hear from time to time of severe
storms that do vast damage to fisher
mems boats, but the number of smacks
lost at sea is nothing to the number
lost on land.-Rochester EIpreSs.
Philadelphian-Th st. Louis friend
of yours is the most quiet, unobserv-
ing, unobtrusive Western man | ever
met in my life. st. Louis man-Yes,
he used to be q policeman.-Phstadet-
| phia Record.
The amount of strength exercised in
| an ordinary hand shake is eleven
pounds. If you owe the other chap bor-
rowed money and hope to stand him
off the estimate runs as high as sixty
six pounds. Detroit Free Press.
Sentimental lady-"This world is a
| vale of tears. Even the beautiful rose
| has thorns." Prosaic visitor-''I would
not mind that so much, but that shad
are so full of bones is an outrage on
| the human race. Texas Siftings.
My dear your mouth is perfect
poem" 80. how can you say such a
| thing as that?' "Well, it is like a
popular poem at least. 1t is so widely
red And the matrimonial mercury
fell 40 degrees at once.-7erre Haute
| Express.
Myrtle-He's awfully attentive to
her, you know. Lily-How far has it
gone? Myrtle-Very far I'm afraid.
He held her prayer-book upside down
at church, yesterday, and I'm sure l
heard him say "a woman" instead Of
'amen. Time.
Don't fret, john" said Mrs. Wig
gius. you've lost nearly everything
you had in the world, know, but re-
member you've still got me-" YES"
said John, with another heartfelt
groan. That's just what was think
ing-"-Journal Of Education.
"Mr. De Cash asked me to elope
with him only the night before he ran
away to Canada confded Gussie.
"And you refused, of coursepn Eyes,
my DEAR" she replied; .'as soon as he
told me his embezzlement amounted
to only $4,000. n-NeU York Sun.
whats the name ofthis play?' asked
a young lady of her escort at Albaugh's
last night at the close of an act. Isl
IBERIA" he replied as he started to 90
out. Thanks she said sarcastical-
lly, Il thought possibly it was Two
beeria." Then he didn't 60 out
Washington Critic.
Railroad dining station proprietor
If the new superintendent of this road
amt discharged pretty soon I'll be
bankrupt" Friend-.'What's he dom
to yep Hes running the trains so
regular that the passengers get plenty
OF time to eat their meals, hang him."
Philadelphia Record.
Snap actor-I have called, sir. to ask
you to insert line to the effect that /
have just refused an offe of $500
week. Accommodating a~(tor.-With
pleasure. Is there anything else can
do for you, sir? That's all, unless
you have spare dime about you.''-
Philadelphia Record.
1t is all very well foc the papers t.
discuss the question, SIS Marriage
Failure?' 1t amuses their readers and
adds to their sale. But there is not a
woman In America who will be con-
vlnced either one way or the other ex-
cept by personal experience. Nor a
man either.-Fort Worth (7eaas) Ga
zette.
Nv hat is your husbands business?"
asked the inquisitive woman on the
train after she had exhausted all the
questions in the Yankee catechism.
''Oh, said the other woman, wearied-
ly, hes lawyer by profession. He
spends his time in minding other peo-
pies business, Somsyrille Jour
nal
There ought to be 4 law in this coun-
try providing that none but pretty
women should ever wear veils Then
alsthe homely women would break the
law for obvious reasons, while the pref
" women would discard the wells
through vanity-and the eve of man
would be gratifed. of Edo |
cation.
Millionaire (entering sanctum)-Ha
ha! old boy, how do You do to-day? |
Editor in chief Gin whisper)-'S-h, !
Don't speak so loud. M.-Why not? |
E.-The baseball reporter is writing
his report in the next room and he has
just given me orders that he is not to /
be disturbed either by callers or by |
noises.-Bostos Courier.
Maud-And you are really engaged !
to MIR. Hawkins, Ethel? Ethel-Yes,
| hardly know whether / love him or
not, but he was so earnest that some
how / could not refuse him. Maud |
Yes, l know. When / refused him
last summer he told me he was going /
to marry somebody or bust before /
Christmas.-Terre Haute Express.