The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-10-25

,eIy tlcKIlsn place 90 PIT a young man
in, and being his first offense, he doesn't
know exactly how to word the news SO
that he will make a neat and ornamental
message, as it were. Charley seems to
be quite an artist though, and / think
You'll agree with me that he led up to
the climax very well indeed. He almost
forgot-well, something decidedly i'm
portant; and rather than have the old
folks at Kazoo, the aunts and uncles and
sixtieth cousins left in a state of bewil-
derment, notice how gracefully he rings
in the crisis:
".It's a boy
isNow, then, here's another handed to
me Just q little while ago. This is Ell
tirely in a different vein. 1t is addressed
to a gentleman in Toledo, perhaps an old
chum:
"sWelll well! well. l told you SO! l
shall name him after you. He will run
for president in 1924, or my name is not
"sToM JACK
"Now, that's what l call neat" said
the clerk, as he laid aside the tender
message destined soon to gladden. some
heart in far off Toledo. zone cannot
help but admire Tom Jacks delicate
sense of humor. He spares himself the
embarrassment of saying anything about
the little angels sex. He doesn't say
whether Sally is doing well or not; Tom
Jack is too much elated to think of these
things now. A year or SO hence he may
come in again, but his dispatch won't be
SO intrepid. Later Still, when the family
circle is extended so that the hired girl
puts a couple of extra boards in the table
for dinner every day-well, Tom Jack,
the prosaic family man, with expenses
running higher and higher year by year,
won't be in such q tremendous hurry to
turn loose the electricity for arrival No.
Z. We can all wager the nimble dollar
on that.
'Shall l read the other two? Well,
they're not quite so demonstrative. One
reads:
"'Baby came to us this morning. Blue
eyes like its mother. Mother mending
rapidly, JIM
"And the other reads:
"EOur daughter joined us this morn
ing at 1920. Will you come to christen-
ing? Irene sends love to father.
FREDDY j.
tYou can see by these that there is
quite a literature in the birth message.
The main points that seem to agitate the
fond young papa's breast are to tell the
little story fully, yet suppress any direct
statements. They are really more abash-
ed at the clerks behind the counter than
you would readily imagine. It's always
a great mental torture to EN- when l
slowly count over the words one at a
time. 1t makes them squirm to think
that their handwriting might not be
plain, and that l might oar out the dis
patch and ask them if it's all right as /
read it. But I've too much considera-
ton for human nature to do that; and
whenever / see a young fellow side into
the Office, cautiously graspa pen and ex-
pertinent on half a dozen blanks, my *
perience tells me at once what's in the
wind, and | am careful to let him depart
in peace through the side door in the
shortest possible time"
And as the reporter was moving off
the clerk picked up another blank and
read it over softly to himself. There
was no smile on his lips this time as he
turned to the scribe and said slowly:
Heres another message, side by side
with the little harbinger of gladness I
read you a moment before. It's only a
line, but there is. nothing SO eloquent as
death. Listen:
"'John died when the tide went out
tonight. detroit Free Press.