Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1889-01-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

| him he was beat? 'he must nave
been. He paid me the money he owed
me-"
A man always thinks his love letters
models of composition till they come
up in a breach-of-promise case.-Bos-
ton Courier.
They have ''potato socials' in Kan
| sas. The name may be from the fact
that young folks go there to pare.-
| LoaoeU Citizen.
There was considerable noise at the
tower of Babel, but Babel makes con-
| siderable noise at almost any time
i Binghamton RepublioaN.
"Dudekins reminds me of book
binding | have at home" said Blath-
erS. What is it-crushed sheep?"
No; half calf. ."-Harper'S Bazar.
| Anxious reader-No, dear. there is
no fixed pattern for an engagement
( ring; but spiders web with fly in
it is pretty device.-JeUelers' Weekly.
| A fashion exchange says: Bangs
are again in ORDER Some of them
are not. In fact, we've seen some
much out of order Burlington Free
| Press.
| Il wish," said the Rev. Mr.. G.'s lit
tie 4-year-old, that when I'm naughty
you wouldn't always talk to me in
your Heavenly Father voice. Troy
| Times.
Someone wants to know IF there
are pianists in the next world" If
there are not it isn't because they have
| tal.1 fn thara Innl.rs
! Statesman.
Customer Uo grocers boyI-You
| don't seem to be an energetic little
boy. Don't you feel well? Boy-Yes.
l feel all right, but the boss is out to
lunch.--Lye.
First Tailor-Do you bow to your
| customers when you meet them in the
| streets? Second tailor-Well. as a
rule do, but l have always cut my
| misfits!-London Punch.
Roscius-'.What was the name of
that play you started west with. Ro-
meo?" Romeo-.'On the Trail" Ros-
cius-"How did you get back?" Ro-
meo-"On the Trail. ."-Terre Haute
Express.
| Mrs. Hashcroft--Which do you con-
slider correct. Mr.. Spark. would better
or had better? Mr.. Sparx-If you re-
fer to the beefsteak, Mrs. Hashcroft,
[ I've had better many tlme.-Terre
Hante Express.
| High-minded father-My son. choose
. profession that will bring you fame
and after that wealth will come. Duti-
full son-Very well. father. l will be-
come professional baseball player
Neu York Weekly.
Mr.. Swallowtail (readipg)-There
are only 5000 elephants in the world.
Guest (huskily)-Is that alp I've
been here only week and / had an
idea there were that many in this town
alone. Washington Post.
The occult is very popular in fiction
just uow-as it always has been with
husbands when they were trying to ex-
plain to their wives just how it hap
pened that they were so late in coming
home.-Journal Of Education.
Little boy (at toy store window
Mamma. won't you buy me top?"
Mamma (meditatively)-"It will soon
be too cold to spin tops" We'll. then
buy me double ripper sled and some
new skates. and Wen let the top go"
". j. Weekly.
She-Dearest. do you believe there
is luck in odd numbers? Helm
sure don't know. Why. dear? She
We'll, this is the third time we have
been engaged to each other. you know.
and thought possibly we might marry
this time.-The Cartoon.
He Crying to play trump eard)-
'.As passed your house last evening
l thoughtsI heard an angel sing"
She (stiffiy)-..I was at the theatre
last evening. Mrs. Mulhooly and her
two twins were at our house visiting
the cook. ~. j. Weekly.
The merchant had been sick unto
death. Tell me the truth. doctor"
he said, sis the danger over9' Sure"
replied the doctor, there is no more
danger; the crisis is passed And the
merchant revokes his bequest Of s., 900
to the hospital.-Denrer News.
Notwithstanding is an expensive
habit and never did anybody any good.
Man-with- the Henry -Clay-O. beg to
differ with you, sir. Does smoking
benefit you any?" Most certainly it
does. sir. I'm the proprietor OF .
cigar store. y Yonkers' Statesman.
| Justice-You say that your sister
was bitten by the horse aud you want
dana ges? Plaintiff-Yes, sir; l have
witnesses to prove that the horse bit
her. Defendant can explain. Judge.
The woman is a grass widow. The
horse is not to blame. Detroit Free
Press.
Mrs. Muggins-It's raining, and
Mrs. Goodsoul wants to 60 home, and
l have no umbrella to lend her except
my new $40 one. Can't let her have
yours? Mr.. Muggins-Cracky! The
only umbrella I've got has her hus-
bands name on the handle. -Philadet-
phia Record.
did that lady buy anythingP" asked
the jeweler of his new boy, as the lady
in question left the store, apparently
in temper. .She did not. She asked
me for an old gold breastpin. and !
asked her if she took this store for .
junkshop. Then she went out" t"-Jew-
elers' Weekly.
First young lady Cat Broad Street
Station)-''These young men are so
rude. I've great mind to complain
of them" Second young lady-''We
might go into that big waiting-room
and sit down." 20, it's so stupid in
there. It's reserved exclusively for
ladies. ."-Phiiadelphia Record.
That reminds me of story" said
jenkins, as he Strengthened himself up
to carve the turkey. "A story of an
occurrence that happened when l was
a little boy" John" interrupted his
wife, rather sharply. What is it, my
dear?" 'The turkey is stuffed with
chestnuts. ."--Merchant Traueler.
This would make a good tank
play" said one disgusted critic to an
other at third rate show. YES" re-
piled the other. grimly; land to make
the thing complete success, they
ought to use the tank to drown all the
actors in at the beginning of the first
act. ."-Journat Of Education.
"Well, Jobkins, you don't seem 50
happy as you were when you first set