New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-09-11
THINGS TO SMILE AT.

uld those skeletons come frOmY'
Young Doctors'We raised them. .
Love is not always blind it can
see the proportions Of a nice plump
fortune aboutas far as it is visible.
1t is one of the paradoxes of life
that the more a wife keeps her hus-
band in hot water the colder he
grows toward her.
Are you going away this sum
merY' said one merchant to another.
mo. / am goingtot hestoreevery day;
but | have made arrangements to
takea rest. How" Il took my
advertisement out ofthe paper
A Jersey City policeman having of.
fered his hand to young lady,
which was refused, he arrested her.
What is the charger" asked the SER
geant at the station house. 'sResist-
ing an offer, SIR
She tenderly Did the dog bite
you, darling?" He Yes, he did. .
She (reassuringly well, it was
papa's dog, darling, and we know he
isn't mad H-"Yes, but am. =
Somerville journal.
No doubt you have heard songs
without words, said a young man
to Mrs. De Porque. ssNo," replied
that lady, SSbut I've heard them
sung in italian, when you couldn't
understand a word, and I don't
doubt that it was almost as bad
Customer-"But do you think
these suspenders will wear?'; Shop,
keeper They're strong as iron, sir
They'll wear out half a dozen pair OF
pants Customer s'Then guess ]
don 'JWant them. [ don't caretohave
my pants worn out any faster than
[ could do it myself .
Mrs. Dumpsey- Thomas, you
must tell Willie not to spend all the
time looking at the circus posters.
1t takes him all day to do an er-
randi Mr.. Dumpsey-ssLet him
study EN-, Marian, and after he has
seen the circus he will know more
about the deceits of life than he
could learn in ten years any other
way.
BroWn-"llow is Jones getting on
building his house?' Smith Slow
ly. A falling timber injured one OF
his hands so he cannot work. Brown
Jones was working this morning
and appeared all right Smith
Yes, he is all right; it's one of his
hired hands that's hurt.-Omaha
World.
Young Badger, from New York, on
the first morning of his visit to his
Uncle Abner's farm appears bright
and early in pair OF white flannel
trousers. Uncle Abner taking him
aside): Gee whitaker, nephew! Why
IN blazes didn't you tell me you was
SO poor. Here, boy, take this $3 and
run down streetto the store and buy
you pair OF pants before the women
folks get up.'-Clothier and Furn-
Usher.
Over in Indiana a man went out
hunting, and while he was thus en-
gagged, there came a big rain, and
he sought shelter in a hollow log.
The log became soaked with water
and swelled until the aperture was
too small for the man to get out
again. There he was in a dilemma.
He quickly reviewed his past life, and
when he came to think that he was
not even a subscriber to his home
paper, he felt so small that he crawl
ed out Of the log withoutany trouble
whatever.
'sHere, sonny, hold my horse
said a gentleman as he alighted from
a carriage on Washington street the
other day. HAS he had his oats
ter-day, sir?" asked the boy, as he
hesitated. 'sHad his oats? What
has that to do with it?" inquired the
gentleman in surprise. Well, yer
see, sir, de las time | hung onto a
boss he eat the straw hat off me
head, and / only got nickel, and
alickin' when | got home Put up a
quarter an I'll take de risk. The
boy got the quarter.
An inventive genius in Rome, Ca,
has constructed alittle machine that
he calls the chicken walker It
proposes to do away with the fences
around gardens, and protect the
gardens from damage by chickens.
When the machinery is placed on a
chickens feet, and the fowl goes in
the garden and makes an effort to
i scratch the soil, instead OF accomp-
fishing it's desire, the attachment
walks the chicken out Of the garden:
the harder it scratches the faster it
goes.
ct will ~ 7 4,,,,4L e.Il,-.LI