The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-09
"F.GURES WON'T LIE"
a Jerseym an Anxious to Find the
Man Who Made the Claim.

"Tm lookin' FOR the fellow that started
the story that figures WON'T lie said rel
faced man wiki dust all over his boots and
a l0ud-Smeliag cigar stump in one corner
OF his mouth. I'm fro Oniontown, y J.
and I'm jest mora than lookm for that
man. If aaybo ly knows him and ken pint
him out to me I'll make it worth their
while To do 1t Only jest show him to me
once, that's all He'll be the runation Of
this country yit. if someb dy don't ketch
III "a and shake him out Of his boots, and
want to be the man TO do it!
laInt no way likely that YOU ever seen
that farm o. mine up back of OniOntC wn, a
couple o mile, ut that DON'T make no diff
ference. use 70 raise quite a little rye on
that farm, but it wasn't a very rapid way
% coin money, d one day year ago
got to thlnkin' aud to t2gerin' The way
OF u was this: nal druy into Onionto yn
q ID sold / ad % rye. RE vast rulin'
very high in the NAL Just then, and all
! 10 a bus ell for my load was 80 cents.
After l got my money fer it / dropped int
y jhuny RJbinsou'- OuOnville saloon to take
ne caaff ouy # nv throat o5f1re | went
nome Bill Glass aud Jake Barr was in the
place, and | asked EN- both up to have some
thin. We all took a little y the old stuff
L
out. A Solamn-loOkIn cnaD taat vas hollin'
down a chair in the place followed me out
It's HI I'd o queer says he in ba IS
voice, that 1t takes jest a bushel o rye in
the bulk to pay fer lessen half o. pint of its
juice, hain't it!" he says.
That ldee struck me like swat on the
Jaw l hadn't never 10 ked at it that wav.
IL De jagged If that hain'G 50, stranger
saws |, after a Spslt.
"'Yas saws ba daaDar IN bic h,-, 49,,
ever, and that hain'U the hull Of it, he
says. Fingers wo t lie, and they tell a
curious story this subject. You plough.
ie says, a d you sow I'd you reap, and
you drag your rye TO market b the sweat
o, your brow he says, and you sell it 70
80 cents busaeL Jest look at it for min
4 o and remember that tiggers wont lie
Follow buslel O your rye he
says. The all-absorbin' distiIler takes it.
lie drains out O that bushel % rye Jest four
gallons OF raw whisky. Some says he gifts
leetle more'n that, but four gallons is
u Oh enough. What does il cost him to git
mat four gallo IS o whisky ouJ o. your
bushel o ryes 1t cost h N just 40 cen 4
gallon, or 81 60 for the four These is paIn
hggers, and tiggers won't lie, SAYS this
solemn man with The bass voice. There
you are, he says. Your bushel o rye
ands the distil!er IN jest 81 90 up to date
Ihen he has to fork out 80 cents for eao
one O. them gallons o. whisky to pay the
Cover ment tax, and plain figgers shows you
UIat TINS makes SO 90 that has 20 be added
20 the 81 80, and there's your bush-l .
rye, repre- entlI' n cost of 50 So and 80
'H7ts OF 1T was yours says the solemn
man.
Now he says, Jest look leetle furder
Your bushel o. rye is handed to tue i0bber
and the j bier hands it to the wholesaler
and the wholesaler hands it over to the re-
taller and by the time it is
ready for the retailer to
hand over to you and to me per
maps, its four gallons has swelled up to be
eight gallons sure, for it has been Eggerel
out and fggers won't lie. Your busnelo'
rye has cost the retailer Sl2 and
you got 30 cents for it, after all your
plowln' and sowil' and reapin'. DO You
know how many drinks there i, in gal
lon O whiskyF says the sole m man. Il
90, he says. There, six y, So figge say
and tiggers won't lie. Sixty d INKS to the
gallon, makes 4S0 drinks in your bushel O
rye. Ten ceAt drink hain't any to- big a
rice to set on EN-. Cons quently the re-
taller gifts $4S for your bushel o rye. 1t
cost hi $l2 Figgers say, and they WON'T
lie, that he makes jest 5 q clean profit on the
"ushel 6" rye tnat you got 30 cents for. VIII
you keep on raislI' rye to du mp into this
awful nav of the devlish rum power till
1t rolls in silver and gold an fine liae1 I'd
5rindS you iuto the dust" says the solemn
man, or will you rise up like a sirocco and
sAesD il from the landY saws lie.
81 didn't say which ia do, but | went
home a thiukin' hard, and the upshot of it
Tas that made up my miud to quiz raisin'
rye.
his rum power don't git no more rye O.
me for 80 cents bushel says, but won.
raise up like sirocco and sweep it from
.he la.iu. II. JOIn II M self says, and
let 50 neboiy else sell rye in blk for 30
cents while | sell its iuice for S4S FiggerS
won't lie, and that's what tn y say ken be
did, as plain as twice two is four.
80 l sold my farm a d bought johnny
Robnson5 Onion lille saloon, and settled
Town to clear up $50 on every bus eel o. rye
sold. That was six months ago. | sold 4
good many bushe in that time, and fig-
gered and proved my figgers every night.
and found that they co ne cut On paper lest
as tle solemn man mad SAID, but somehow
he cash on hand didn't tally up with the
hgge"s. I'other day | was figgerin'
away and stranger come in and looned at
me a spell.
Stranger says, what oyou think O.
tigger,2 Do you think they'll len
These fiEgers wo II he says takin. a
aper outen his poe ct The e figgers say
that Jake Popham has got S4S 90 agIn YOU
for tn last order ne filled We for old rye
I'm the sheriff, and want the money or the
shebang
well, the sheriff has got the shebang,
now all | want is TO find the man who
started the story that figgers won't lie, and
I've got en- ough left to make it worth