Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-07-20
MIX. AND MRS. BOWSER.
Some Very Sad Trials Over Mr.. rs
Wardrobe.

From the Detroit Free Press.
When got home from mothers the other
afternoon Mr.. Bowser was walking up and
down the sitting room like Gagged lion. As he
was an hour ahead of his usual time was
naturally, astonished, and a. he looked 90 stern
and dignifed was fearful that some misfor-
| tune had occurred.
Anything wrong, Mr.. Bowser?' managed
to ask.
He halted, folded his hands under his coat
tails, and balancing himself on his heels and
toes alternately, he replied:
''Mrs. Bowser, this 10 the last straw-the very
last!'
why, what have doneY"
Il had an invitation to attend a banquet OF
address. :! came home to get ready, and. 10!
! what do ind?"
Robbers in the house?"
mot much! No robber with any sense in his
head would come to this house! It would take
him q week to find anythingl 90 upstairs 10
get clean shirt. collar, &C., but nothing of the
sort can be found. come down and ask the
| cook to see If my Sunday clothes are in the
hour barrel, but she looks ia vain. / go to the
telephone and ask the coal man il he saw them
but he can't remember. YOU of course have
no knowledge Of them. You can't say whether
they are in the oat bin in the barn or packed
away in the garrett for a rats nest"
MI Bowser, have You been drinking?"
Have l been drinking? That's just like
womanl When she gets cornered she throws
out just such insults TO hide her own short
comings. It's wonder 1 haven't been drink
ing. It's wonder / don't come home drunk
and wipe out this family. Mrs. Bowser, I de-
mand to know what you have done with my
clothes?'
They are up stairs, unless you have sold or
given them away"
"No more insults, please. Come up stairs
and show me, for instance, where my shirts
Very well. We shall find them in the Sec
ond drawer of your bureau, where they have
been kept for the last two years."
IN bet you million dollars to a cent"
"Come on"
We went up stairs to the bureau. and pulled
out the drawer and there lay FIVE clean shirts,
| Just where had placed them as they came
from the laundry two days before.
| But they were not there an hour ago." pro-
| tested Mr.. Bowser
But they were. How could they be any
where else. In this other drawer are your
| socks, neckties. cuffs and collars See?r
Il see, but that drawer was empty half an
| hour ago."
And in this closet is your Sunday suit. See?
Mr.. Bowser?'
There is some dark mystery connected with
all this, Mrs. Bowser, and will not rest until
nnravel II. l spent a good half hour looking
Tor my things, but not one single article could
Because you rushed upstairs and went into
the spare room, just like lots of other hus-
panos. Of course you did, Seei Every
drawer In the spare room bureau has been
pulled out, and the clothes-press door is wide
open!"
Mrs. Bowser, don't try to get out of it in
this way! Ny eyesight is still good and when
see an empty drawer / know it is not full of
shirts. L have lost an hour looking for my
things, and now cannot go to the banquet"
he went down stairs and called up some one
by telephone and said:
II can't be there this evening. My shirts col
lars and clothes had been mislaid by my wife and
1 only found them a moment ago. Very sorry.
but give my regrets to the boys and tell them
how IT was. Some wives are like that, and can't
help it, you know, Good bye"
The next evening Mr.. Bowser broughta friend
up with him-the same one he had telephoned
to. After bit he took him up stairs for
smoke, and as they reached the head of the
stairs they found the following notice on the
bed room door:
''INsIDE THIS ROOM
will be found
MR.. BowsER's SHIRTS, COLLARS, CUFFS AND SUM-
DAY SUIT.
Don't make the mistake OF looking in the alley"
u
reading:
"First drawer-Your hair dye, etc.
Second drawer-Collars, cuffs and neckties
Third drawer--Your shirts"
On the door Of the clothes-closet I had third
sign. reading:
Your Sunday suit is in this closet-frst hook
to the left as you enter"
On each garment was marked the name
"coat," west and pants" and on the wall
set of instructions, reading:
"First-Hang your hat under the bed
"second-kick your pants over behind the
lounge.
"Third-Throw your vest behind the wash
stand and your coat on the floor.
"Fourth-ln removing the buttons from your
shirt, jerk and twist from left to right and
back again. This will enlarge the button
holes
"Fifth-If you drop one of the buttons. ,ump
up and down and cuss and declare that you
have been one button short all the week.
"Sixth-If the button-holes in your collar are
too large kick over chair and declare your
desire to murder some one. II too small, kick
over two chairs and lay it to me-
'Seventh-In changing your clothes. get your
suspenders twisted, leave your shirt punched
up at the shoulders, and snap off as many but
tons as possible"
I had intended those signs for Mr.. Bowser's
calamity when he came down and babe his
friend good night. / was disappointed. how
ever. He looked at me benignly, walked up
and down for while, and then observed:
Mrs Bowser before we were married had
long talk with your mother"
"Yes."
''She told me that you had never been called
upon to exercise Judgment or responsibility
"Thanks, Mr.. Bowser."
"But ! agreed to bear with you and be pa
TENT and so shall Twenty years hence you
may know something about housekeeping and
wife's duty toward q husbands wardrobe. It
Is q long time to wait but will be. patient.
Perhaps this is my mission on earth and is
what the Lord wills me to do Go ahead. Mrs.
Bowser, and be just as mean as you can. and
do everything to hurt my feelings I shall do
my duty and never let the world know how I
suffer-"
The Man Who Lost the Race.