Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-12-01
ALLEGED wITTICIsMs.

Mabel-''Amy, what has become of your
Anti-Slang Society,"" Amy-"Oh, it's in
the SOUP"
A man may hear what is going on round
the corner, but he can't see it even with
circular saw.-LJe.
Applicant-"Have you any vacancies
now ?' Editor-"Yes; the waste basket
was emptied this morning, | believe"
In the wings-Leading man Ito call
boy)-"Where is that bottle of beer | sent
you for !" Call boy-"In the supe."-
Puck.
Bookwurm-I see that Bellamy has
achieved fame by Looking Backward"
Cynique-"He's a mere copyist. Mrs. Lot
did the same some years ago. PihSburg
Bulletin.
Borrowit (in Chinese laundry)-"Why
do you say Friday, John, when you mean
Friday?" Chinaman-'I slay Fli-dsy
cause l mean Friday; not like Mclean
man, who slay Friday and come to pay me
week afteh'nextp
Mr.. Smart (as the church-goers pass y
"Pn surprised that Miss Sweet permits
Bedworth to accompany her. He's about
the freshest young fellow l know" Mrs.
Smart-"Perhaps that's the reason why
she lets him carry her Psalter."
'Pm an insurance man, sir" "What do
you want now? You've made me insure
nv life, insure the title to my real estate,
insure my plate glass and everything else
| own" "True, sir, but the next thing to
get insured is your policy of insurance"
1t has been demonstrated in scores of in
stances that river will carry the germs of
typhoid fever sixty miles before they are
rendered harmless. If offered glass of
| water, and you haven't time to figure how
far below Pittsburgh you are, just tell 'em
you always prefer champagne.-Detroa
Free Press.
Mrs. D.-"My husband fell down the
cellar-stairs with five bottles of wine and
didn't break single one of them. Visitor
-"Wonderful Miraculous "Well, no;
it's not so wonderful after all. The i've
bottles of wine were on the inside. He
drank them before he fell down the
stairs"
Farmer Hayseed Ito Greatest Living
Skeleton at Dime Auseum)-"Helloi Who
be you? You amt working here, air
you ?' Living Skeleton with dignity
II am engaged here" ''Wall, do tell!
Say, my friend, you amt lookin' well, and
Ell was you Pd change my boardin' place"
N. Y. Weekly.
Sand what answer do you make to my
appeal ~ he asked, as he knelt at her feet.
''James, l will be frank with you," she
murmured "Oh, speak" he implored,
'sand relieve me from this agony of sus-
pense." "Then let me say it cannot be-
why not? Oh, why not?" because,
James, do not feel able to support hus-
band"
aPolonius was splendid bit of charac-
ter work. ayes; but he had his draw
backs. When he started off and said,
Neither a borrower nor lender be he
lost the best chance in the world to show
off his wisdom" Allows that?' "Why,
he should have gone on and said, but if
thou must do one or tother, let 1t be bor-
rowing. There's money int"
Mr.. Biznis-"Whewl but Pm tired outl"
Mrs. Biznis-"What is the matter 2 Mr..
Biznis-~The second bookkeeper asked me
for half day off to attend his aunt's fu-
neral, and like smart Aleck | said l
would 60 with him" Mrs. Biznis-"Was
| it a very good game? What was the
scorer Mr. Biznis-' That's just where l
got fooled myself He was really going to
! his aunt's funeral." Haute ErpresS