The true northerner., 1889-11-13
SPARKS OF WIT.
PUT up or shut up-Umbrellas.

"A CHARGE to keep / have" Is the
song of grand-jurymen.
He: "Will you be my wife?" She:
NNo; but I'll be your cook.
The orator who "waxed" eloquent
was arrested for assault and battery.
THE court house is not necessarily a
sad place because so many plaintiff
stories are heard there.
A SIGN on an Eighth avenue liquor
store reads Family Liquor Ware
house, Family liquors wear houses all
out.
How IT worked Carper--So you've
been trying the faith cure? Harper
Yes. Carper-Cure you? Harper-Yes
of my faith.
."YoU seem at home here" remarked
man at the postoffice to the postmaster.
"Yes," replied the latter, this is my
stamping ground.
merely on account of their avarice;
whereas, child can clench its fist the
moment it is born.
POWER and liberty are like heat and
moisture; where they are we'll mixed
everything prospers, where they are
single they are destructive.
THOMPSON (proudly) Robinson, you
see that gun My wife killed a bear
with that once Robinson-Ah, indeed
What was she shooting at?
MARRIAGES are made in heaven"
quoth Miss Antique. "Then there is
some chance for You yet" was the
cruel response of her young sister.
MINKs-Were you away last sum-
mer? Winks-Yes, off about month
at summer resort. How did you spend
the time ?" Waiting for it to stop rain
ing"
TEACHER-The peacock has many
eyes in its tail Boy suppose it can
alway find a seat, but it must be ex-
pensive for eyeglasses if the beast is
near-sighted.
SERVANT answering belD - Miss
Bright doesn't care to see any one this
afternoon. Wilkins-But she'll see me,
i am sure. Servant-No. she won't
she mentioned you in particular.
WEARY WHISPERS (the tramp: Don't
getfrightened. madam L am q member
of the AntiWaste Society, an L Jest
called ter see if yer didn't want ter hire
a man to eat up what vittles yer have
left over.
A FACEToUs man was taking a drink
at n bar. Observing "A view of Niagara
on the wall he asked jokingly. "Is that
real water?" "No," replied the bar
tender, the real water is in the glass
you hold"
Truth for once: Giles-I'm glad let
that fellow have the small loan. He
seemed overwhelmed with gratitude,
and said he could never repay me.
Merritt-That was strange He told
you the truth
LADY of the house-Now. don't YOU
think you could saw a little wood for
me? Tramp (who has just dined)-
No, num- saving that there steak YOU
just gave me is all the saving 1 want
to do for one day.
OK the Eiffel Tower: Mother and
the girls (ecstatically): NV, isn't it
high Pepper Gn gloom that reaches
to the base of the tower: Well, what
of 1t? Have you seen anything in
Paris this summer that wasn't high?
Mrs. BRINK-Mrs Klink! Mrs.
Klink Your little boy is in our yard
stoning our chickens. Mrs. Klink-
Horrors He'll get his feet wet in Your
big, ugly, damp grass. l don't see why
you can't keep your lawn moved, Mrs.
Brink.
ADA-Were YOU not afraid during
that thunder and lightning storm?
Elsie-No: / was with Nike who was
lately discharged from the Third Ave-
nue. railroad, and you know that the
electric fluid never strikes a non-con-
ductor.
THEN AND NOW.
He was n man OF some account
And well among his nei yhbors stood
For any reasonable amount
His name was good.
He took to drink, and soon his nose
Assumed IA tint rs red "a blood,
And now as far credit goes,
His name is Dennis.
.-Boston Courier.
STEWARD" he said feebly, in the
small hours of the stormy night, trying
to turn over in his berth Steward,
what's that?" '"The sailor on deck,
sir" "Yes, but what did he say
just now 2" All well, SIR" My,
what liar" And then he turned over
and moaned NAL de mer moan.
CoNDUCToR-That boy can't be less
than five years old. l shall have to
charge you half fare for him. Mr.. Skin
flint Enormously looking at his watch):
No, you won't. It's now o'clock. That
boy won't be five years old till exactly
7.30, and we expect to get off this train
at exactly 7.2S. If you charge me any
thing for that boy I'll report you.
PATIENCE.