St. Paul daily globe., 1889-09-02
NEVER MARRY FOR MONEY.

Deacon MerrIck'S oldest daughter; a
rich old aunt, after whom Sophia had
been named. died, and left Sophia s20,-
600, so, as you will agree, Sophia was
as eligible young woman as ever
started in upon patchwork quilt.
Same folks said-notably Hepsival
Green, who wore pee-wee hat simply
because she knew that the pee-wee was
Leander's favorite bird-some folks
said that Sophia was high-strung, mean
ing thereby that Sophia was neither so
meek as Moses nor so patient as the good
old patriarch who needed cutieura. But
when Leander saw Sophia's pretty face.
or heard her stentOrian contralto voice
lifted up in the choir, or when (per-
cbance) the imaginative faculties of his
mind grappled and dallied with the
pleasing circumstance that Sophia had
S2O,0 900 in her own right-then, ah then,
Leander allowed, not secretly, but
openly and boldly, that Sophia was the
likeliest girl in the township, and out
side the township Leander'S acquan-
tance extened not.
In spite, therefore, of the malicious
libelS of the other women folks Leander
kept paying attention to Sophia, and
this sort of thing eliminated, only and
naturally. in a wedding, at which the
mother wept copiously and the brides
father became Scandalously hilarious
over dipperful of hard cider. The day
before the wedding Leander made a
modest effort to find out what portion
of her $4,000 Sophia meant to allow to
him as dover, but at the mere sugges-
tion Sophia went into Mysteries and had
to be cupped by the doctor before she
was brought out all right. So Leander
made up his mind to bide his time.
Love is famous begetter of patience
and fortitude.
1t took Leander Just about six months
to find out that what folks had said
about SOphia's temper was not libel;
Hepsival Green had told the truth. So
phfa was shrew. The most mortifying
phase of the situation, however. was
that Sophia hung on to her 500, ,OOO-yes,
she guarded and hung to that 900 as
only an argus-eyed, briarean-handed
woman can guard and cling. Leander
had to work for his living, and that, as
some of us are painfully aware, involves
an embarrassing lot of sweat and wearl-
ness. Still, Leander did not repine; it
seemed as if that 500, 900 danced like an
ignis-fatuus continually before his eyes,
| filling his bosom with hope, il not conf
dence. "All things come to him who
waits" said Leander-foUl OptimiSt that
he was!
They had been married about six
years when they moved to Worcester.
| Sophia had tired of country life; she
| pined for the noise, the hustle and the
excitement of the city; so they moved
| to Worcester, where there are six trains
day each way. They had no children,
but Sophia, having drawn dividend on
| her Fitchburg stock one spring, bought
bird of song did the tendril5 of her heart
gradually entwine themselves. 1t was
a gaudy but solemn bird, was the par
rot. For hours would it sit in the gilt
ring in Its capaciOus zinc cage, staring
duly into space, and uttering no sound
whatsoever. Sophia called him Dinkety
surely most frivolous name for so
cireumspect bird!
Leander had no use for parrots. AS
already intimated (advisedly and with
out prejudice, Leander's favorite bird
was the pewee, the tiny songster which,
either carOling in its native bush or
crowning the head of buXom rural
maiden, is alike joy and thing of
beauty. Leander saw nothing to ad-
mire in the vulgar-hued, watch-eyed
I6iIllulA pdllOe. IL GU hih
to behold that gloomy creature staring
vacantly into space-it annoyed and
hypnotized him. 81 shall wiring its neck
sometime" said he, but he never passed
any such remark in the hearing of his
wife. He respected Sophia's feelings.
There is, accompanying the feelings of
a wife who is worth $4,000, certain
Sanctlty so we'll defined and so sacred
that no discreet husband will violate it.
They had been married going on
eight years, when Sophia up and died.
Leander buried her and marked her
grave with simple marble slab bear
ing the ambiguous legend ''At Rest"
1t transpired that Sophia had left
will. 1t was rather of a surprise to
Leander. Lawyer Beebe filed it and
proved 1t up in the probate court. 1t
was a simple document. 1t left Sophia'S
entire fortune to Leander in trust for
the parrot, and in the event of the par
rOt'S death from natural causes, the
fortune was to pass without reserve to
Leander. Lawyer Beebe was appointed
executor of the will and guardian of the
parrot, without bonds. TestatriX con-
fided i'm Beebe because once upon
time he had given her some legal ad-
vice without exacting fee.
The New York papers sent special
correspondents to Worcester to write
articles about Dinkety, the famous
wealthy parrot; they also printed pic
lures of Dinkety, and pretty soon Dink-
ETY. became so DISTINGUISHED that sew
eral of the New England colleges con-
ferred honorary degrees upon him.
Meanwhile Leander plotted against
the life of the bird. Naturally enough,
he chafed under the conditions pre-
scribed by Sophia's will. Why should
he, human being, suffer his peace and
dignity to be imperiled by vulgar, un-
thinking bird? The murderOus passion
waxed and grew in Leander's bosom,
until presently it became param cunt
and all-absorbing. "PSittacus delendus
est''-this was, in effect, the sentiment
which Leander borrowed from the an
cient Romans. But how was this right
eous end to be achieved?
SOphia'S will was explicit. 1t speci-
fed in words as clear as sunlight that in
case the parrot died "a Datural DEATH"
the money should be Leander's; ''but,"
the next clause went on to say. ''in case
the parrot dies other than from natural
causes, all my moneys and effects shall
straightway be consigned to the City of
Worcester, to have and to hold the same
forever" This was just like woman,
and particularly like Sophia.
The eme. gency seemed to call for the
practice of extraordinary fnesSe, so
Leander importuned the advice of
trusted friend, Mr.. Babbitt, barber.
Mr.. Babbitt had worked in New York
Having shaved aldermen in the AstOr
house, he was properly regarded as a
versatile and ripe scholar in the
occult sciences. Mr.. Babbitt told
Leander that parrots would eat meat,
and that meat fed to parrots regularly
would duly induce epilepsy, from which
malady the victim would ultimately and
surely die. This was good news-great
news. Leander began to dole out meat
in preposterous quantities to the parrot
Dinkety. The parrot relished the
change of diet, and was happy. Le-
ander was happy. too.
Lawyer Beebe was, as we have stated,
the parrots guardian. He came around
one day to visit his ward, and found the
pampered bird devouring a highly
spiced curry of veal. Suspecting foul
;uiI IaiH +I,0