Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-03-20
The DOMESTIC CON.
Smart Young MaA Investigates He,
Unamiable Traits.

The poet has. from time immemo-
RIAL eulogized the domestic Gu (Sax-
om. Koe (Dutch), or Cow (Modern
English). He has done so without
having taken the trouble to investi-
gate those unamiable traits in her
character which it is the object of
this article to criticise. He (the poet)
seems only to have seen her in her
Sunday clothes, as it were, grazing in
the fragrant meadows or standing at
ease in the shadows of the babb ing
brooklet.
NV hired man recently attended
firemen's picnic, not wisely, but too
well; and, after repeated drinks, he
very imprudently locked horns with
larger man on the question of tariff re-
form. Need / say morep Only this:
That he was assisted home by friends,
suffering from severe indisposition
and with his features sadly out of re-
pair; so that, on the following morn
ing, from sense of duty. arose be-
times to milk the domestic Gu (Sax-
on), just as the first pale streaks of
dawn appeared in the eastern sky.
Girding on some old clothes, l
started forth to seek the Koe (Dutch).
She had unlocked the gate of the
pasture with her horns, and was then
in the act of inspecting the flower
garden. She had evidently been there
for some time, during which she had
not been idle, and her manner was en-
tirely free from excitement
Approaching with smile which
has seldom failed to win female re-
gard. said, in soothing tones: "Soh,
bossy! sob, bossyr' but, after cycling
me comprehensively for few mo-
ments, she backed leisurely over
valuable ,hododendron bush. and
then started through the shrubbery at
a swinging gait.
1t would be painful to recount the
incidents of that exciting chase. /
got her in the barn at last, and sue
ceeded in Delaying her head to the
manger, after which | said: ''Stand
over" in a distinct tone of voice. She
knew that | wanted her to move to the
left so that | could get room to milk
her; but wilfully appearing to misun-
stand the order, she ''stood over" to
the right side, fattening me against
the stall.
Did swearP No, gentle reader, 1
did not. Why did not swearp Be-
cause the weight of the Gu (Saxon)
prevented respiration. Gathering
myself together as one man, | hurled
her across the stall by a supreme eff
fort, and standing the hay-fork where
she could see it, prepared to milk.
Any one who has watched the opera
ton of milking COW will maintain
that it is very simple thing to do. l
used to think so myself, but it is
great mistake. | am ready to explain
to any one who will listen to me for
few hours, that it is difficult, very diff
fcult to milk Koe (Dutch), unless
there is mutual understanding
a friendly feeling between the parties;
which, in my case, there was not.
Having seated myself under the star
board quarter, | grasped the pail
firmly between my knees, as I had
seen the hireling do, and commenced
to milk No milk came for five
minutes, during which time | worked
on in silence, while the Gu jerked
angry mouthfuls of hay out of the
manger, ever and anon lashing her
tail against my lat, and looking
around with a sarcastic smile; which,
however, / pretended not to notice;
but at last snowy jet shot straight
into my left eye, and, in a short time,
another impaired an unnatural
warmth to my lap. I had succeeded
in bringing forth the milk; all that re-
manned was to direct it into the pail.
This was not to be SO easily done as
you would suppose.
In fifteen minutes [ had brought
forth twenty-six squirts, distributed as
follows: Three in the left eye, one in
the right, eleven on my trousers, two
on Koe's tail, five on the barn floor,
and the balance in the kettle.
Just then the hand-maiden appeared
and asked if l. had finished milking.
She said that the family we're waiting
for breakfast, and there was no milk
for the coffee. | told her to wait few
minutes that had not quite finished.
Leaning one dimpIed arm on an adj
jacent hay cutter she watched my
efforts with increased amazement, and
atlength said, eagerly: Lord, Misther
Adam, let me milk the COW! Why
didn't We ak me befoarep Shure / used
to milk three COWS down home befoare
/ wint out TO sarvice!'
Recalling the incident of Robert
Bruce apd the historic spider, felt
strongly disposed to hold on and con-
quer the difficulties of milking if it
took all day; but breakfast would have
to be indefinitely postponed, and the
feelings of the family were entitled to
consideration; therefore [ rose up and
allowed Gwendoline Mulcahey to take
the helm. This she did with alacrity,
and, as the milk flew into the tin pail
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