davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
Gus HOrrified His Wife.
Detroit Tribune |

A young married man who is familiar
figure about the city hall went up to the
Canadian club house recently for few
days fishing. The second day after his ar
rival his wife concluded that she would 90
up in the steam boat and join him, and
accordingly notified him OF her intention.
As the steamboat on which he took passage
approached, the lady, accompanied ny a
number of intimate friends, eagerly scanned
the shore for a glimpse of his huge hat.
Imagine her feelings when she saw Gus
seated on a log beside a dashing- looking
female With one arm placed lOvingly ly
around her waist "Gus" seemed to be ut
terly oblivious to the approach of the
steamboat or the audible comments of the
passengers, who were interested spectators.
"Is the man crazy or drunk?" gasped the
poor wife, dropping into chair as limp as a
dish cloth. "For mercy's sake take me home
to mother"
At this juncture Gus" lightly lifted up
his "com panion" and tucking "her" under
his arm walked toward the boat landing in
the most nonchalant manner imaginable.
'She was a copy of that exceedingly clever
lithographic print which ornaments every
tobacco store in town. 1t represents q
gaudy female mounted on a tobacco cask
which purporis to be filled with certain
well-known brand of plug "chewin" The
figure had been considerably improved
upon by Gus, WHO had supplied it with
skirts made of extra fine MANILA paper.
Peace has been restored in the family.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
SIR EDWIN ARNOLD.
A Distinguished English Poet and
Editor to Visit America.

During the present fall the people of
America will have the opportunity of be-
coming acquainted with one of the most
learned among Sanskrit scholars, and be-
sides the editor of great London news
paper. Sir Edwin Arnold is a man of
affairs, the writer of thousands of editO-
rial articles. and at the same time hard
student and learned author. He is best
known as the author of THE Light of
Asia" an exquisite poem giving the life
and teachings of Gautama, the Lord" OF
the Buddhists. He was born in England
on June 10, 1882. His first work was IN
teaching SCI OOl at Birmingham. Subse-
quently he was President of Sanskrit
college in India This Office he resigned in
1861 After his return to England he added
to his publications at that time in
cluded translations from the Greek and
Sanskrit, original poems and variety of
contributions to periodical literature-a
"History of Lord Dalhousie's Administra-
tion," and q new volume of poems. Arnold
was in the United States during the civil
war as a correspondent of the London
Daily Telegraph, the paper of which he is
now editor. He was staunch Union man.
1t has been subsequently to his assuming
the direction of the newspaper that he has
found time to produce his masterpiece,
1.-The Light of ASIA" another volume OF
poetry on India, and to produce hook of
translations from the Greek. Arnold was
knighted in 1887 and our distinguished
visitor will be known here as at home as
Sir Edward Arnold.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
Popular Science.

Experiments have demonstrated the
practicability of handling large masses of
iron in rolling mills by means Of electro
magnets suspended from draulic cranes.
A Swiss inventor has perfected method
of making artificial boards and is advocat-
ing their use in building. They are made OF
q mixture of plaster of paris and reeds
pressed into ehape by hydraulic process.
The material has advantage of incombusti-
bility and ightness, and will resist the
warping action of atmospheric changes.
An electric fre-engine, which can be
tapped for service whenever wanted, is the
latest invention. The advantages claimed
are that it can be started at full speed;
that it is much lighter than a steam fire
engine of equal power; that it costs one
third less; that it is noiselees in its opera
ton. makes no smoke or ashes, and that it
is safer and more economical.
A process of engraving on glass and crys-
tai by electricity has been communicated
to the French Academy Of Science by M.
Plante. The plate to be engraved is
covered by q concentrated solution of
nitrate of potash, and put in connection
with one of the poles of the battery, and
the design is traced out with fine plati-
mum point connecsed to the other pole.
The results are said to be of marvellous
delicacy.
The belief that smoke from soft coal may
have beneficial sanitary effects is gaining
ground. 1t is claimed that the sulphur in
the coal when burned becomes sulphur0ut
acid gas, q well-known disinfectant. Fur
ther, that creosote and its allied products
are thrown off with the fumes of bitumin
ous coal, and that an atmosphere charged
18th carbollc acid must be freer from Rerml
If disease than an apparently purer cir.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
Helena, Montana Thursday, September II, 1889.
PEAS IN THE PEPPER.
Barnum's Practical Joke on His
Friend Paul Smith.
lRridpeport Standard.


Paul Smith and Barnum are bosom
friends. They spend many pleasant hours
together. But the ever-vivacious Snowman
must have his practical jokes, and even
his friend Paul was made one of his vic
Tins last week.
These two celebrities met on the grand
piazza after breakfast and, passing the
usual morning greetings, Paul said: We'll,
friend Barnum, how do you find things
here this year?"
81 am delighted, as usual" replied the
cheerful Snowman, "and l particularly ad-
mire your enterprise in erecting SO many
new cottages, and in introducing running
water and steam heating into your big
hotel"
"Glad to hear you like it," said Paul.
praise from a man of years and ex-
perience gives me new heart and courage.
But will thank you still more heartily if
you will frankly tell me whenever you dis
cover anything about my hotel that is not
clean up to the highest mark. am as
proud of providing the very best of every
thing as you are in your big show"
"That's right" responded Barnum, "a
true friend will always tell us our faults.
And this reminds me that there is one
thing that noticed on your table which I
thought ought to mention to you. You
know that most of our food and drinks are
adulterated. Yours have generally found
fresh and pure, but the ground black pep
per on your table is largely mixed with
peas"
"You don't say SOL" exclaimed the old
pioneer. "Why, l buy all my groceries
from - -, the wholesale dealers in
New York, and they stand high for goods
of pure quality"
"Can't help it" said Barnum; you in
vestigate it, and Tll give you 500 if you
don't find all your so-called pepper is at
least one-half peas."
81 will write my grocers to-day and give
them fits Half peas indeed! That re-
minds me that thirty three years ago ran
a boat from New York to st. Johns, Can
ada l often brought cargoes of peas from
St Johns and delivered them to the large
coffee dealers in New York. But these
grocers shall not swindle me-"
Paul Smiths son Immediately wrote
letter from his fathers dictatiOn, blowing
his grocers sky high for selling him adul-
terated pepper He told them that P. T.
Barnum declared it was at least one-half
peas, and threatened them with instant
withdrawal of his patronage if they
did not Immediately send him a box Of
pure ground pepper without single pea
in it.
Three days afterward Paul received an
answer from his grocers in which they
humbly asked his pardon. They confessed
, that there were peas in their pepper, even
to the extern charged by Mr.. Barnum, but
they cautioned him to look out for that
merry old wag of a Snowman, and to care
fully spell pepper" assuring him that the
purest specimen in market consisted OF
half p's
Paul Smith was ostonished, but he took
the joke in good part. In reply to the
laughter and jeers of his guests, he said:
II am sorry friend Barnum is a temper
ance man, otherwise / would be glad to
stand basket or two of champagne"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
Josh Billings Philosophy.
New York Weekly.


A tru friend iz one who ant afrade to
tell us ov our faults.
Tru generosity konsists in knowing when
to give and when not to.
The man who has sworn not to forgive
has uttered the wust oath he kan take.
Health iz like mummy; we never have q
true idea ov its volue until we loZe it.
Thare haz been no man kreated yet who
haz been superior to all others in every
thing.
The most dangerous person in this world
iz the one with the most talents and the
least virteu.
Real paoverty that Gums upon Us from no
fault ov our own, is the most greayous
thing to bear.
If you are going to help man do it rite
off, Promised help loozes one haff its
aroma by evaporashun.
Genius seems to be the fakulty ov doing
thing excellently well that nobody sup
pozed could be done at all
Thare il in sum men a crate deal 0v
good humor that iz like the frolik in q
puppy-don't mean ennything in partic-
ulsr.
He that giveth to the poor lendeth to
the Lord" Here liz an investment for
yure mummy. WHARF the rate 0v interest il
the highest and the sekurity undoubted.
One CRATE difference between q phool
and wize man IL this-the phcOl gaps at
and then swallows almost everything he
sees, but the wize man looks upon most
things in this world as perfeckly ridikilous.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12

The United States Minister to Turkey is
a German. He was born in Wurtemberg,
March 25, 1889. In 1854 he came to the
United States. He began his American
career as clerk at New Haven, Conn.
After serving engagements in New York
city and Rochester, New Hampshire, in
1858 he and brother went to Portland,
Oregon. The brothers opened store at
Dallas, Polk County, Oregon. They made
money during the three years they lived
there. After spending the same amount of
time at Silverton, where they largely added
to their fortune, Solomon bought an inter-
est in large dry goods house at Portland.
He made his first political spsech in 1864.
In 1879 he was a delegate to the Republican
State Convention, and in the same year
was elected member of the State Legisla-
ture. Two years after he was elected b
State Senator. He was reelected in 1878,
and in 1880 was made President of the
Senate In 1882 he was reelected to the
State Senate the second time.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
The TOOthpick Habit.
Boston Herald

The great American habit of toothpick
chewing is responsible for a very large
number of human ills. Of course 1 refer
more particularly to the practice of chew
ing wooden toothpicks And when l mod
ify my statement in this way don't have
any hesitation in reiterating that the
wooden to0thpick is an engine OF destruc-
ton. If you have ever noticed these
things much you have observed that good
many people who take their meals at res
taurants or hotel cafes and rush out imme-
diately afterward to business snatch on the
way q toothpick, sometimes several of
them, and thrust the little wooden spears
into the mouth. In nine cases out of ten
they don't use the toothpick quickly and as
a matter of business, but they retain it in
the mouth after all necessity for its func-
tions has ceased. They chew on it and
wobble it about under the jaws, and finally
the piece of wood is reduced to q ragged
pulp, and then it is usually cast away.
Very frequently small particles of the
wood are swallowed and l know one man
who was in the habit of eating his tooth
pick. became acquainted with him be-
cause he wanted me to give him something
to heal his stomach, which was really in q
lacerated condition. The small particles
of wood that are swallowed frequently
lodge in the walls of the stomoch e0me-
where and induce gastric disturbance.
I know several cases which proved fatal A
man may 90 on chewing t00thpicks for
fifty years and never suffer any i'll effects,
but his less fortunate neighbor may chew
them for few days and die on account oft.
tell you fact when say lots of troubles
with the digestive apparatus and lots of
more serious ailments may be, and have
been by me in many instances traced to
the use of toothpicks, as have pointed
out. The habit, I notice, is one that is
growing rapidly, and, aside from the fact
that it is an i'll bred and rude custom, it is
to be detested on hygenic principles. I
found the other day that some restaurants
dip their toothpicks in some aromatic fluid,
like cinnamon, and this tends to cause 3
big spread of the toothpick chewing habit.
The person who puts one of these prepared
sticks in his mouth could hardly resist the
temptation to chew it. It's an awful habit
and I'd like to see people stop it.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
Fortunes Disclosed by Marks on the
Finger lips.
Medical Cls ssics.


Fortune-telling by mems of the finger
nails, onychomancy, as il 7as called, was
not uncommon in ancie. t times. The
practice was to rub the nails with oil and
SCOT and wax and to hold mp the nails
thus prepared, against the sun and upon
the transparent horny substance were sup
posed to appear figures or characters, which
gave the answer required. In more recent
times people have been found predicting by
means of the nails of the hand and telling
the disposition of person with certain de-
scriptions of the nails. However absurd it
may appear, we shall give examples of this
superstition: A person with broad nails is
of gentle nature, timid and bashful. Those
whose nails grow into the flesh at the
points or sides are given to luxury. A
white mark on the nail bespeaks misfor-
tune. Persons with very pale nails are
subject to much infirmity of the flesh, and
persecution by neighbors and friends. Peo-
pie with narrow nails are ambitious and
quarreleome. Lovers of knowledge and
liberal sentiments have round nails. Indo-
lent people have generally fleshy nails.
Small nails indicate littleness of mind, OBJ
stinacy. and conceit. Melancholy persons
are distinguished by their pale or lead-col-
ored nails; and choler;c, martial men, de-
lighting in war, have red and spotted nails.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
SIR LAWRENCE DUNDAS.
The New Lord Lieutenant of Ireland.

The New Lord Lieutenant oil lreIdnOs .
When, after the retirement of the Mar
quis of Londonderry. Lord Lieutenant of
Ireland, there was some talk of abolishing
the Office, it was found out that the Irish
members of Parliament were opposed to
this being done. The Office gives Ireland a
court, or something like one, in its own
beautiful capital, where the photograph
from which the above picture was made
was taken.
The Right Hon. Sir Lawrence Dundas,
Bart, third Earl of Zetland, Baron Dundas,
of Aske, near Richmond, in the county of
York, was born at Stirling on August 16,
1874, son of Mr.. John Charles Dundas, of
Woodhall, Wetherby, Yorkshire, member
of Parliament for Richmond. His father
married, in 1843. daughter of Mr.. James
Talbot, of Wexford, so the new Lord Lieu
tenant of Ireland is q son Of an Irish lady.
In 1873. on the death of his uncle Thomas,
second Earl of Zetland, the well known
Grand Master of the Freemasons of Eng,
land, and renowned as sportsman, the
present Earl succeeded, two other uncles
having died young. Lord Zetland has
been . Lord-in- Waiting to the Queen. He
has residences at Aske Hall, Richmond
and at Kerse House, near Falkirk, Scot
land
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
UNKNOWN HEROES.

There are martyrs, there are heroes,
Whose names are unknown,
Who are fighting, who are conquering,
Great battles alonei
Though in numbers they are legtons,
No comrades they count,
All the warfare, all the conflict,
Each soul must surmount!
In the shadows, in the darkness,
OF self and of sin,
They are soldiers. they are victors,
Who let the light in,
On the evils and the falseness,
That flee In alright,
Al the power and the glory
OF truth in its might
Meet they foibles and thy irailties
With courage and force!
They are traitors, they are tempters,
Through all of life's course!
They will blind thee, they will haunt thee,
These foes in thy breast.
Thou must conquer, thou must stay them,
They torture ali resti
Shall we count them shall we name them?
Self-love is in the lead
And she mar halls all the passions,
She sows all the seed!
Strike ber down then, from her vantage.
And, 10! in her place,
All the virtues, all the glories
Shall greet the with grace!
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
LOVE-.

Love Is the querest paradox;
1t begets and 1t defies
But it stands on its own sweet merits,
Though these sometimes surprise.
Why do you love your baby?
The dear little dimpled elf;
Because 1t is your duty?
Nay, because it Is yoursef.
What makes you dote on your daughter
The girl with the lanquid eyes;
Because she's q winsome woman,
All! here's where love defies.
Have you seen them reused to their iuileet-
Those orbs 80 tenderly true?
Have you seen tn m melt and flash ana glow
With light not meant for you?
"No?n Then watch, for l. ero is coming,
who carries q myetical charm;
He NAV not he half the man you are,
But he'll do you a deadly harm,
You placed ring on her finger,
Jewel rich and rare;
But the little forget-me-not py 1s sioe
VIII receive the choicest care.
All! well. but life is drama,
And love must have its day; y;su
And besides, you know, you starred !" ohco
In this very same old play.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
WHAT'S in a Word?
fHarper's Magazine. |

A New York pastor, who, Though
Scotchman, had lived in America over forty
years, was one day taken to task by his
daughter for the broadness of his accent
in the pronunciation of the word diff:
ference.
"How do pronounce it?" he asked
"You say difference
sand what do you say?"
Difference"
Looking at her for moment, and getting
her to repeat, he continued:
"Well, now, M, will you just be so
kind as to tell me the difference between
difference and dufference?"
The daughter gave up her hopeless scholar
to gang his own gait" in pronunciation
hencefOrth.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
The Ancients Couldn't.
From the Norwich Bulletin.


The other day the Pennsylvania railroad
wanted big iron bridge 256 feet long and
weighing $4,000 tons, moved from its place
over Mill creek, near Lancaster, to new
site As feet away. Master Carpenter Beard
took the job. He had 100 men to help
him. He made his preparations leisurely,
and when the last train had passed over
the bridge with his hundred men and
trestles, rollers, jacks and cranes he set to
work. In just fifty.eight minutes from
the time the work began the bridge was in
it's new place and freight train of such
size as to require two locomotives was
passing over it. -
Now the ancients couldn't have done
that in the same time if they had had
100000 men. What we know about
iron and it's uses and how to work it is
worth more to the world than all the lost
arts of all past ages combined.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
Sitting Bull Defines His Religious
VieWa.


Dakota Correspondence New York Herald,l
1 asked Bull what he had to say of the
hereafter, and also what religious views he
might have. He replied:
II am too old to understand the religion
of my white brothers, which respect. I
believe my children will accept it, but for
myself will continue in my old path,
which is now well worn. My people 60 to
happy hunting ground or spirit land
where we will See all our friends and visit
the same old camps which we have visited
in this life, We will hunt buffalo there
and will have plenty of ponies. There
will be everything there to make rs happy.
We know this because some of our people
have seen this spirit land which they have
seen in camps on this earth. There will
be two places there, one for good Indians
like myself and one for murderers. Heie
we will not allow murderer in our camp,
and the pony which he once rode would
not be ridden by anyone else. Our next
life will be much like this, but much bet
ter0
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
THE GOLDEN.ROD.

From the flying train, behold
Ever changing fields OF goio,
sunny slopt s in luster laid,
And old gold the hills IN snade;
Golden. eoldenl Wave the Piuino'
Unsubdued by wit OF man,
symbol flower, American.
Like a bit Of sky at night,
Full of constellation light,
Comes the vision of thy plume
Bending Ger the starry bloom, -
Sunshine. dew and Furnished golo'
Each declare the story OLD, =.
How in endless chain OF thougn'
Wisdom unto wonder wrought.
SYMBOL fiow'r American,
Underneath / see thy plan
brotherhood of stems that run
Closer till they meet In one'
Type of high federation
states unite, and loi nation!
To the world the lesson gives,
How to govern, how to live.
Rich the bounty, here we see'
To a people ever free;
Plenty flowers as beauty
In a thousand golden streams.
To a nation Golden Rod
Lifts its head above the soo
Love and justice to propose,
Gold of friends, the rod ior ioo''
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
SPARK1N'.
Social Etiquette in the Country

Spokane Falls Tribune.
The social etiquette that regulates the
time a young man will tear himself away
from his very best girl is not so rigid in the
rural districts as in the city. When the
clock hands swing around toward ten and
the pretty maiden by his side reminds him
of the fact the city swain goes home. Not
so the youth of the rural district. Toward
eleven o'clock his Jane says:
"You know what time it is, Ned Bangs ?"
"Course do" he replies smartly.
"Well, guess you'd better put out for
home"
whats the rush ?"
"I'd say rush if 1 were you, when it's
most midnight"
Il don't care if it's most daylight"
"Well, do, and you shan't stay here one
second after midnight"
"Bet you cookie I do"
"No, you shan't. I'll call pa, see if 1
don't
sob, yes, you will"
you'll see."
"I'll risk it."
Oh, you're perfectly horrid! Now, you
get your hat and clear out"
"Oh, pshaw You'd be mad if did,"
"You wretch! You have got to 60 righ.
away for saying that"
"You don't say so?"
Il do, too; and I-I-If you dare kiss
againw
He dares.
"Oh, oh, oh! You are the meanest fel-
low. Pye notion to box your ears"
"Box away"
"When are you going home?"
"When get good ready"
"Pa'il start you if he comes in"
"He won't come in"
Don't be too sure of that. If ma sees
the light she'll scOld."
Lets put it out"
"No, you shan't! You'd better put your
self out"
"See if do"
"You'll sit here with the cat, then. I
shan't keep you company"
"Pooh! A team Of horses couldn't drag
you away"
"Oh, you horrid, horrid thing"
But it is midnight before he goes, all the
same, and he hasn't had to cit with the
cat. either
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-09-12
His Conscience Approved.

Minister-Tm glad BERTHE, to see that
you kept your promise to me and came to
church to day instead of going fishing.
Bertie-Yes, sir.
Minister-Don't you feel better than if
you had gone to the creek?
Bertie-Yes, sir; COS pa said if follered
him to day he'd lick me good.