The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-06-29
TWO JOHNS, TWO COATS.
The Perplexities They Caused by
Getting Mixed.

at fits you perfect, SIR" said the young
clerk in the clothing store; 1T fits like pa
per on the wall, " he was going to remark,
but feeling this ratherhackneyed, he added
at fits like the skin on sausage"
''Seems to me it's kind of loose,' said the
customer, trying to get view of his own
back in the glass-a feat which many people
endeavor to perform every day of the year,
and in which no one ever succeeds-''it sort
Of wrinkles
'Why, that is because you turn and twist
So" said the clerk. Besides, you don't
want it to fit too good, only just easy. Why,
now, if you could see the elegant look of
your back from where stand" added the
clerk rapturously, II VOW and declare you'd
buy it this minute for fear some other gen
tleman should get it first.' And the clerk
folded his arms on the pile of ready made
overcoats all exactly alike even to the last
button, and felt that he could never do bet
ter than that while he lived.
And as Mr.. Meyer could not get behind
himself, and was truStful person who be-
ieved what people said, he bought the coat.
Having had it put upon hint was cold,
and he decided to wear it home-Mr. John
Meyer received his receipt and bow of dis
missal and walked away with little flut-
tered consciousness ofhis elegant back, that
would have been very speedily dispelled
could he have seen himself as others saw
him, for the coat was much too big for him.
Meanwhile another young man entered
the clothing store, driven by the falling
thermometer to purchase an overcoat.
Exactly your size" said the talented
clerk, as he took number two from the pile
and proceeded to force his customer into it.
Il can't quite think it ISL said the vic
tim, as he moved his arms uneasily, sit
feels too tight
"a new coat always does, don't you
know" said the clerk, eff it's the fit it
ought to be. A gent Of your figure don't
want to go about in a bag. Why, if you
could stand where stand and see how styl-
ish your back looks, sir, you'd not let me
take it off for fear some other gent should
snap it up, not knowing he couldn't look
like that in it.'
The customer fell into the trap as the
other had fallen.
His vanity was tickled, and he revealed
the fact in his countenance. He paid for
the coat and offered the clerk cigar, and
the latter gentleman remained dreaming of
promotion; for now that he had tried new
method on two customers, and succeeded in
making sale each time, what might he not
effect in the future?
Later on, the twin coats separated on the
pile, met again on the backs of their pur-
chasers.
Mr.. Meyer" said a gentleman walking
with friend down long business avenue
''let me introduce you to Mr.. John Meyer"
Coat number one bowed.
''Im John Meyer myself" said coat num-
Der two. when Adam had grown tired of
naming his descendants, he said: Let all
the rest be called John Meyer"
Then all three gentlemen laughed at the
joke, and went to the nearest place where
beer was sold. After that, as John Never
number two was stranger in the city, Mr.
John Meyer number one took him to the
theater, and afterward to have oysters in a
pretty cafe.
on famously, and parted believing each
other to be the very best fellow in the
world.
Meyer number one, being a householder,
went directly home. His wife was sitting
up for him and came to the door in crimp-
ing pins, with kitchen candle in her hand
and pink nose and eyelids indicative of
weeping.
II have been frightened to death, John, -
she declared. II heard bowls down the
street and thought policeman must be
clubbing you"
what for, my dear!" asked her spouse,
bestowing connubial kiss.
80, because they love to do it." said Mrs.
Meyer. ''if ever thew catch any one out very
late. If you were driven to read the papers
as you sat up alone, as often as l am, you'd
know what was going on, too.''
Mr. John Meyer had married silly little
woman, because, as he said, he liked that
sort, and he only chucked her under the chin
ard said:
'Well, I'm home now, Tootsey. Let's
Shut UP the house and go to bed. How does
my new ovcrcCat lookl'
Mrs. Meyer examined it critically.
"Well, it's a little loose, think" said
she.
"WsH, I don't know. You don't want
TO ioa& as il you were melted and poured
into ':oa:, you know, Belinda" said Mr..
Neycc number one.