Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-05-16

from the Elephants = Waste of
Ammunition.
HIS FORTE.
There lived once an old medium who said
My forte is to raise up the dead
And for fame or for gain
j can always raise Cain,
When the town ] attempt to paint red"
Philadelphia Herald.
LUCKY DAY FOR MARRIAGES
Miss Ann Teak Which day do you
consider the luckiest to be married on,
Mr.. Olebachl
Mr.. Olebach-The 31st of June ought
to be about the lucliest, should think.
Miss Teak-Why, there isn't any such
day.
Mr.. Olebach-Just so.-Tsrra Haute
Express.
CAUGHT FROM THE ELEPHANTS.
Mrs. Lugsby-Old Mr.. Grumsby, the
doctor says, is suffering from elephan-
tiasis.
Mrs. Bagsby-Caught it at the show,
/ suppose. Hereafter no boy of mine
shall go to see the elephant without hav-
ing been vaccinated You can't tell ex-
actly what the elephants fetch over here
in their trunks.-Drake's Magazine.
WASTE OF AMMUNITION.
Mrs. Quizzly- Why, General, you
don't seem to like to see the ladies kiss
each other.
General Oldbeau-The result Of a
military education, madam. / never
like to see good ammunition wasted.
HE HAD RECEIVED 1T.
Customer Ceturning)-Di / give
you So gold piece just now by mistake
for a five-cent piecel
Merchant (positively)-No, sir.
Customer Cunning to COLT isn't of
any particular consequence. had
counterfeit So gold piece that carried
simply as a curiosity. must have lost
it some
Merchant Chastily)-Wait moment.
I'll look again. Chicago Tribune.
INPUDENr CHARLIE.
Aunt Ito visitor Little Charlie, my
nephew, is always up to something.
Now, Charlie, behave yourself; remem-
Der have an eye on you.
Charlie-Which onei If it is the
glass eye, don't care.-Epoch.
RIcHMAS PENS1LEss.
Returned Traveller - Mr. Richman
could draw his check for a million when
left. How much money has he by
this timer
Citizen-He hasn't any.
"Ehl Wha-- Did he fall 7"
''No; he died"
WIT OF THE wIGwAM.
"what makes that Indian wear such
q big head dressf"
Don't you knowl"
az cannot surmise."
"Why, to keep his wig warm, of
course.
AN ANSWER TO A CORRESPONDENT.
Robert inquiries if You should look
directly at a young lady while kissing
her.
Certainly, Robert This habit of
kissing a maiden while you're looking
for the family bulldog on her fathers
boot is by no means in good FORM
Letroit Free Press.
AN HONORABLE ENEMY,
Jack Dorr (recapitulating)-Yes, sir,
Tom CHM is his own worst enemy.
Sandy Hooks-That may be; but l
notice he never fails to extend the cour-
tesies of war to himself.
IT HAD 40 TERRoRs FOR HIM.
$50 this is my claim, is it," unused
the new -comer. my good man, don't
wish to put you to any trouble, but
you re ON my patch of ground.
II am, heyf" said the fierce-looking
Oklahoma squatter. my friend, dye
see that inclosure staked off thar the
other side of the cabin! Well, that's
my private buryin' ground, an it's full
o'fellers that thought they he'd claim
on this ranch.
81 see it, replied the visitor, care
lessly, ''and it doesn't scare me any. /
umpired ten baseball games in Detroit
last year" he added, with capacious
yawn.
.For heavens sake, mister" exclaim-
ed the squatter, his eeiturning fright
fully pale and his knees knocking
together. ''give me five minutes to pack
up my traps and light out. "-CAicago
Tribune.
FIERCER BEAST.
Poor Old Coldeck--Can you let me
have a little money, sir, to keep the
wolf from the door9
Wise Old Uprite-If appearances don't
belle you, my man, it is not the wolf
but the tiger you need to shun.-Pack.
WHY THIS is A JOKE.
"Ethel, will you be my wife q
Eyes, Harold, will. !"
Note.-The joke in the above is the
fact that no allusion is made to the
young mans income, or to the young
woman's money; that she doesn't want
to be his sister; that her little brother is
not hidden behind the sofa, and that