The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1889-10-10
MARK qWAiN'S ''REMAINS."
THE NAME GIVEN TO HIS PIPE.
The HumOrist Made the Butt of a Joke
that Did not Pan out as Expected.

that Did not Pan out as Expected.
]. H. Stebbins, an old printer, gives
the World this unpublished reminis-
cence Of Mark Twain:
1t was when he was known only as
Sam Clemens. He was local reporter
on the Virginia City Enterpyise,, and
l was printer on the same paper.
Clemens was writing humorous sketch
es, but his fame as humorist was
young yet. He was an inveterate
smoker, and smoked the foulest-smell-
ing pipe in Virginia City, by all odds.
Clemens Office was just off the COM
posing room, and although printers,
as a rule, are not squeamish about
pipes and things, this pipe was breed
ing a revolution. 1t smelled so infer
nally bad that we always spoke of 1t as
"The Remains. There were numer-
Gus plots suggested to get "The Re-
mains out of the way, but we hesi-
tated about putting them into execu-
ton when we learned that it was a
pipe of considerable value, and one
that he cherished on account of its as
sociations or something. 1t was clear,
however, that something had to be
done, and we finally concluded to
present Clemens with a new pipe. We
had suffered so much from the old one
of thousand smells that we felt justi-
fed in making him the victim of a
joke, if we could, and so we secured
the town and bought the cheapest pipe
we could find that would pass after
night for a good one I think it cost
us thirty cents. One night, after we
had the paper up, we all filed solemnly
out into the local room and presented
Clemens with the pipe. We threw as
much ceremony into the presentation
as possible. One of the boys made an
address that was really affecting. He
talked about the toilers of the profes-
sion of journalism, their long nights OF
labor when all the rest of the world
was wrapped in peaceful slumber.
Then he worked in some of the poetry
about tobacco and the solace it afford
ed the tired brain. He spoke of the
warm friendship that existed between
the local department and the compos-
ing room, and hoped nothing would
ever occur to sever those silken ties.
Then he handed him the 80 cen,
fraud, wiped his fingers through his
hair and sat down.
Clemens was knocked completely
out for time, but he pulled himself
| together, and returned his thanks in q
very feeling manner. He said the
pretty gift from his co-workers on the
paper touched him deeply, and he
would retain it long as souvenir OF
pleasant days. The old pipe had long
been friend and companion; it ha6
been comforter in lonely hours bu
this handsome gift from friends ht
loved made the parting easy, and, a
a climax to his remarks, he threw tht
ill-smelling old timber out of the win
dow. We accepted his invitation tt
go down stairs with him, and know
ing the miserable swindle we had per
petrated, every dollar he spent gav'
us a pang.
/ The very next night, while Clemen
was smoking his new pipe, the bow
of the cussed thing split open from
stem to stern. We heard him growl
ing to himself, and looking out of ;
hole in the wall through which HI
showed copy, we saw him brushing tn
ashes off his desk and clothes, ant
swearing softly in very picturesque
manner. He didn't say word to u
about the pipe or its fate, and you be
we said nothing to him. 1t was evi
dent, however, that he had done SOM
thinking, for he appeared at the offic
next night complacently smoking
"The Remains He had gone dow
into the back yard and hunted it up