The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-06-13
WISE AND OTHERWISE

woman do not talk to her of her own
beauty but of the ugliness of other wom-
en.-Sdn Francisco Wasp.
"What do you think of this idea of
when you are smitten on one cheek TO
turn the other ?" II should call it re-
versible cuff."-The ClOthier.
Mrs. Slimdiet (boarding house keeper)
-"Isnt this coffee just little thin ?"
COOk-'I amt made the coffee yet,
mum I; that's water. THE Beacon.
We don't mean to call names when
we speak of the apOthecary's store as a
drachm shop. We have our scruples
every time we do it.-Cdmbridge Daily.
However could you think of falling
in love with such a homely fellow His
figure is something awful" Yes, but
he has lovely one at the bank. life
The interstate commerce law has ser
iously injured the canning industry on
the Pacific coast. Formerly they sold all
they canned and now they can't.-LO1ceH
Journal.
Angry husband-"WhatI wanted was
a wife who would be helpmeet." An
cry wife-"Huh ! What l wanted was
husbandwho would supply meat to help"
-NeW York Weekly.
DIR. Tanner was not the first man
who lived on water for 40 days" said
course not" who else p" "Well,
what's the matter with Noah ?"-Boston
Beacon.
MY dear madam, you are perfectly
charming tonight" 20 you are fat
terer don't believe you" IL assure
you am speaking the truth. Why,
when l first saw you, positively did
not recognize you"
Matron-''The road to a mans heart,
my dear, lies through his stomach {;
learn to cook" Daughter-"ln other
words, mother, the way to learn o mash
men is by first learning to mash pota-
toes. "-Lo,oeH Citizen.
misses Smith, hear that yer son
Cornalyus has lost his job" Not at all,
Mrs. O'Brien. Sure he has an Elegant
job. He's telegraph operator anddoes
be going about digging phost holes fur
the West'n Union"
| A clothier has excited public curiosity
by having large apple painted on his
sign. When asked for an explanation,
he replied, "If it hadn't been for an an
pie, where would the ready-made cloth
ing stores be to-day P"
Perhaps it was loosely that a pastor
remarked that the Roman Catholic
Church was fortunate in having one in
fallible pope. In his church, he said,
he had nine deacons, and every one OF
them thought himself infallible,
Tommy" said his mother, do you
think you u get prize at school for be-
ing good Pr Nom" said Tommy.
why not, sir P" asked his father, stern
ly, laying down his paper. because
they don't give any," answered Tommy,
meekly.
For long time l had no appetite,
was restless at night, ane very much de-
bilitated. After taking two bottles OF
Ayers Sarsapariila, my strength and ap-
petite returned, and my health was COM
pletely restored. ID. M. Fisher, Oswe-
go, N. Y.
| Wanted aristocratic fruit Fruit deal
er-Mrs. Uppertenne, we have some fine
blood oranges, just arrived ; shall | send
you some Mrs. Uppertenne-Yes, il
they're nice blue bloods the last were
just some of those ordinary red ones
that everybody can get.
II You Wish
To enjoy good health, and prevent the
seeds of disease from ripening in your
system you should use the best medicine
in the world, Sulphur Bitters, which
will prevent your system from being all
run down by making it strong and Wig
orous.-Rev. w, r. Snow.
A bright little lad sitting by his faith
er's side in pew of the Green Ridge
Presbyterian Church, Sunday morning,
was given coin to put upon the collec-
ton plate. No sooner had he deposited
the coin than in loud whisper and ex
cited manner he asked Papa, have
you saved any circus money ?"
ShilOh'a Uatarrh Remedy.
Shiloh's CataTrh Remedy, a marvellous
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, canker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there Is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment of
these complaints without extra charge.
Price so cents. Sold by ]. 7. Shurtleff
Bennington.
Cant you eat pie P" he asked of the
young man who sat next to him in the
restaurant. "Oh, yes. but you don't
take any," HE said pumpkin pie"
''But what's the matter with pumpkin
pie ?" why, I'm the grocery clerk who
sold him the canned pumpkin, and gave
him 20 off because we had the cans in
stock for three years. "-Det' oft Free
Press
Dyspepsia and Liver compliant.
Is it not worth the small price OF rs
cents to free yourself Of every symptom
of these distressing complaints, it you
think so call at our store and get bot
tie Of Shi'oh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
has printed guarantee on it, use &C
cordingly, and il it does you no good it
will cost you nothing. Sold by John T.
Shurtlef, druggist.
Mrs Gossip-"Is that house along
side you empty yet ?" Mrs. Gabb-'No;
family moved in last week" Mice
folks ?" mice they're the trashiest
kind of people; live from hand to mouth !;
buy things by the cents worth, guess. :"
La, me ~ True as I'm sitting here !;
I've sent in a dozen times to borrow
things, and they were out of EN- every
time. "-Trdrellers' Record,
stop that whistling Don't you know
it is Sunday. and the minister is listen
ing to you ?" said young officer to a
| ShllOT vi DOdIu an EllsllSH NesStl OU
which a Presbyterian minister was a
passenger. Nonsense !" said the min
lister, let him whistle it keeps evil
thoughts out of his mind" That man
new something of human nature, and of
the workings of the human heart.
One Hnndred Ladies' Wanted,
AMI 100 men to call on any druggist for
a free trial package Of Lanes Family
Medicine, the great root and herb rem
edy, discovered by DIR, Silas Lane while
IN the Rocky Mountains. For diseases
OF the hood, liver and kidneys it is a
positive cure. For constipation and
clearing up the complexion it does won
ders. Children like it., Every one prais-
es il. Large s'ze package, so cents. At
all druggists.
have been a great sufferer from dry
catarrh for many years, and tried
many remedies which helped me, but
had none which did me so much benefit
as Ely's Cream Balm. 1t comp etely
cured MEN,. J. Lally, 80 Woodward
Ave-, Boston Highlands, Mass.
| From the Pastor of the Oliypt Baptist