The morning news., 1889-05-31
BRIGHT BITS.

THE man who thinks the world is growing
oeVCer never heard the observations OF two
tsatnsters who came into collision in crowded
tnoroughtare. Boston Courier.
AT western church fair 4 device for getting
R ~ 1eatlinonla' to the pastor bore the follow
luuS esehd' Drop dollar in the slot and see
'ne pastor smile. ."-Neo York Tribune
JuDas-why did you kill the man?
lafddrer-Io get bis watch.
NJ And WIN dil vol give yourself up'
Muraerer-lt was a Waterbury. Epoch.
IT Is SAID that man in a savage state does
not nave the toothacbe. We are more inclined
70 the oenef that any man who has the tooth
acne is IN a savage state. BiaQbdmtoR Ee-
publican.
OUR republican friends are in danger Of show
ing that tue fathers and founders of the public
Sele @h exceedingly depraved crowd before
they get through BROWN. that Bishop Potter
was mlstaken--Boston Post.
BIBLICAL INFORMATION. Sunday school teach
eTL" are told here that the prophet rent his
clothes. Why did he 10 that:''
tommy Spaudng-PraOs be couldn't afford
10 oiy em.-Ptts6lDy Chronicle.
Ours is practical age. The old motto.
irust IN God and keep your pow der dry has
| been translated by an Iowa farmer thus: BOYS
dNn toich these melons. they are green
and God sees you!'-BDstol Congreg1tionaIist,
- At THE PLAY.-Leaitng Lady-What is all
| that riot out in the audience?
Inc Walking Gent eman-I am not quite GER
tam whether IT'S somebody drunk OF merely
some members Of the best society. Terre Hdute
Express.
CusToMER-How much are these trousers?
High priced tailor-Twenty dollars sir By
| ranged?
Customer (gloomily)-You needn't put in any.
| -Ctothter and FtHnishsr.
WHATS the matter" the schoolmistress
| asked 0''
| Backs sore. noa'ar1
| What made it sore?''
Pop pounded his thumb with a hatche, this
| mornln' and laughed. -EDoca.
FORTUNATE ACcIDENr.-SIistress Cafter a
| heavy crash in the kitchen below)-Grac:ous
| Bridget. hope you haven't broken that new
| vase brought home today?
| Bridget-No, mem; iI's one O the limmin
merlnge pies that yes was a-bakn' this after
| noon.-Tlle Epoch
FoND MorHER-O, dear. doctor! am so
troubled about nv baby being left handed
What shall do with him ?
Family Physician (ssriously)-You might
| make base bali player of him, madam. Left
mand.-Boston Herald.
she was thinking Of something else-CTbe
prohibition questoais being earnestly discussed
| 10 Pennsylvania
DO you approve Of liceuse?" asked one Phil -
| adelphia girl of auo her
Indeed, don't. think we ought to be al
| lowed to marry without one The Epoch
DEACON YALLE7BY-Ali Pres 'dunt. 1 moves
you dat we elect simon B. Slyways a membero'
dis Organization.
RESIDENT foah you moves dats
Hes reg lar, mean, low-down chicking t'ief.
Deacon Yaler6y -Perzacky an as we am
ter nab chicken supper pooty soon, t'ink it
would be = woudful sayin ter 1ect Slyways a
lnember.-LaUrsace tHIssD American
Mrs. HnToN-I might as well tell you before
we 20 any further that l discharged the last
cook we mad because she seemed to have the
idea that she vas the most important person in
the house. trust that il Iengage your services
as cook you will always .he able to remember
tn place ouoccupy.
Would-be- Cook-There' II be no trouble on that
score, mum. never get SO full but what | can
and the way home-Terre Hqute Express
Ma. HoLDFAsr, to the Editor-Yes. sir. there
was more than $4,000 in my pocketb1o when
| l lost it. You can add to the notice that I viii
pay liberia! reward for its return. I'm alway,
willing to encourage honesty
Mr. Holdfast (the next morniny)-So Won
found my pocketoook, did you, little boy. ami
brought it back to me with its contents un-
touched That's right, sonny, that's right
Here's 10 cents FOR your trouble PdNa1eLphla
Inquirer.