The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-04-18
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

feaf's soap secures q line complexion.
Beecham's Pills act like magic on a
weak stomach.
Alady. with sigh, exclaimed "Wel',
I've lost my lawsuit ~ "Oh, mamma,
how glad l am" said her child, THAT
you have lost it, for It tormeGted you
awfully."
Mother-"Johnny, I'm shocked to hes I
you swear. Do you learn that at school y
Johnny-"Learn it at school Why. it's
me what teaches the other boys. Tea
as SiftiHgS.
School teacher-"Now, Bobby, spell
needle. Bobby-"NeidIe." School teach
er-"Wrong. There's no Il in needle. -
Bobby 'tain'ta good needle then. u
-TOlcn Topics.
Teacher-"Tommy, what is half of
eight ?" Pupil Sideways or top p
Teacher What do you mean p Pupil
half from the top of s is 0 ;
and half sideways is 3."-Time
His choice-Proud father showing off
his boy before COMPATIBILITY son,
which would you rather be, Shakespeare
or Ellison y Little son latter meditation)
I'D rather he Edison Yes, why?
cause he amt dead
Scrofua is transmitted from parent to
child, and thus becomes family Inher-
itance for generations. 1t is, therefore,
the duty OF every scrofulDus person to
cleanse his blood by a thorough and per
sistent course of Ayers aparila.
We have received the following in E
perfumed square envelope. If the auth
or will acknowledge it we'll sympathlZe
with her : Sally Why is marriage a
failure. George - "Gsorgs- Bee luse
the bride never marres the hest man
my dear boy" said mother to her
son as he handed round his plate for
more turkey, "this is the fourth time
you've been helped know, mother.
replied the boy, but that turkey pecked
me once and want to get square with
him." lie got the turkey.
The one who celebrates-M Mrs. B.
"How is the contested will case coming
on, Mr.. Skinner r Mr.. Skinner It's
all settled, and in my favor" Mrs. B =
Il congratulate you. Isuppose you will
be taking your family to Europe now y
Mr.. Shimmer-"No, but understand
my lawyer sails next week Wife
ShiIOh's Uatarrh Remedy.
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy, marveluu,
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, carkci
and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment Of
these complaints without extra charge
Price 80 cents. Sold by J. T. ShurtlefT
1t was BiIkins' wedding day, and tie
was teasing his kid nrnther-in-l w
''Well, Johnnie, )" he said, srlemnly. I'm
going to take your sister away off AZ d
have her all t1 myself, where ynu won,
see her any more" No Really. ar,
you p said the kid, cu,iously. Eyes,
am. What do you think Of it !? "Nuth-
in l guess | can stand tiff you can"
Dyspepsia and Liver complaint.
Is it not worth the small price of q
cents to free yourself of every symptom
IF these distressing complaints. il you
think so call at our store and get bot
tie of Shi' Nitaliz4r. Every botll'
has printed guarantee on it, use &C
and if it does you no good it
VIII CuSG yOu uOlHilR' DDIu ny Oulu l.
Shurtleff, druggist,
Tommy was at Sunday school in hi.
first pair of trousers, and picture Of
lot of little angels was before the class.
Tommy, would you like to be a little
angel p asked the teacher No. ma'am"
replied Tommy, after careful lnsDec-
lion of the picture mot to be an angel,
Tommy? Why not 2 asked the teacher,
in surprise. "'Cause, ma'am, I'd have
10 give up my new trousers"
Jones is frankness itself. Being at an
evening party he took occasion
to compliment a lady, not ether
wise remarkable for her beau Y, ON her
small feet. You can't mean what you
say, Mr. Jones" said the lady, greatly
as sic still further by def
of the hand exposed the mem
bers in question. You're quite right,
said Jones, looking down II
only saw half of them, "-JHdge.
l suffered from very severe cold in
my head for months and used everything
but could get no relief.
Was advised to use Ely'S Cream Balm.
It has worked like magic in its cure. ]
lm free from my cold after using the
Balm one week, and believe it is the
best remedy known. Feeling grateful
for what it has done for me | send this
.estimoniil.-Samuel S Harris. Whole
sale Grocer, l19 Front ST., New York,
Frederick T. Roberts, NJ. d Professor
in University College, London, Eng,
Examiner in Medicines, Royal College OF
Surgeons, says in reference to advanced
kidney disease :"COmpIicatious are met,
such as consumption, heart disease, NOR
bid conditions, liver affections. War
ner's Safe Cure cures these affec tons by
putting the kidneys in a healthy conGi-
ton, thereby enabling them to expel the
waste or poisonous matter from the sys-
TEN,
Interested People.
Advertising a patent medicine in the
peculiar way in which the proprietor of
kemp's Balsam, for Coughs and Colds,
does it is indeed wonderful. He author
ICES all druggists to give those who call
for it a sample bottle free, that they may
try it before purchasing. The large bot
ties are SOC and Sl00. We certainly
would advise a trial 1t may save you
from consumption. For sale by all
An amusing story is told of Rev. My
ron Reed, of Colorado. who two years
ago ran as the Democratic Congressional
in that state. 1t seems that
during the canvass. the reverend gentle
man was interrupted in the midst of q
public prayer by a man who shouted,
Louder = Reed stopped short, looked
at the interrupter and said, with grave
courtesy, Sir, wasn't addressing you.
| was addressing the Almighty Then
he went on with his er.-1hc IHtle
pendent.
Charles Theodore Russell was cXamir.
ing a witness in a Cambridge court one
day this week. The question was abou,
the size of certain footprints left by n
horse IN sandy soil. How large were
the prints = asked the learned counsel.
Were they as large as my hand - hold
ing up his hand for the witness to ace
'Oh, no." said the witness, honestly.
1T was just an ordinary hoof.' Then
Mr.. Russell had to suspend the CXamin.
alton while every body laughed - SOmer-
rifle JOUTHdi.
Trunk Dealer-''l se, Want .ome-
thing for six months tour abroad.
Well, madam. IN the adjoining bui ding
| have trunk which I'm sure you vii
like. Can't get il in the store room