Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-11-17
SAID IN FUN.

The mackerel is the cause of many a
family broil.
The emotional actress paints and draws
-sometimes.
Arithmetic is the sum of many small
boys troubles.
The weather is as uncertain as the age
of girl over 80.
The Gig is always up" with artists wh9
do pedestal dance.
The man who eats oleomargarine feeds
on the fat of the land.
Possibly night would go on forever it ii
were not stopped by the brake of day.
A great many bibulous men hope to keep
their spirits up by putting them down.
The idea of mud baths probably first
originated in Ohio during a Gubernato-
rial campaign.-Kansas City Star.
I'm a hustle from away back,
am known both near ana far,
I'm the highest Of high rollers,
Pm an elevated car.
Said the cook to the footman: "Its a
great use that pepper has in the kitchen"
Yes was the reply, ''but the nutmeg has
a CRATER"
A.-"The weather we have had this
summer has been good for the hay crop"
B.-"I suppose so. 1t has been raining
pitchforks most of the time."-Ieras S9t-
ings.
"Do you like the Scotch ?" asked one
travelling man Of another who was read
ing Burns. Yes" was the reply, eff it's
cold weather and ths Scotch is hot
enough"
Ben Butler announces his intention to
publish book For the sake of the on
coming generation it is to be hoped that
he will publish a blank book.-Gaden
City (Kan.) Herald.
The insertion of clause for deliverance
from earthquake in the revised litany of
the Protestant Episcopal Church is testi-
mony to the fact that "the world do
e."-Lo,geH Times
Some one asked an old lady about a
sermon, "Could you remember it?" 'Re-
member it? La, no; the minister couldn't
remember it himself He had to have it
( written down" Christian Adgocate
The count of noses in the New York
churches shows what everybody knew be-
fore, that tue majority of churchgoers are
women. The sterner sex never has any
new bonnets.-LouisUide Courier-Jomnal.
"Say, are you goin to Johnny Williams
ball ?" Il guess SO. got an invite"
Was it pressin' ?' Rayther Johnny
saw me in the street, an says if didn't
show up at de ball he'd come over an
wipe de pavement up wild me-"
Small boy lat the door -"PIease, mum,
may l have the pears off the ground ?'
Lady of the house-"1es, my boy" (Ten
minutes afterwards) "Herel What are
you doing in that tree? 1 only said YOU
could have those off the ground" "Well,
the ones on the tree are off the ground,
amt they ?"-Time
The time of year is coming,
All, yes It's near at hand.
When the man with pretty daughter
Is the saddest In the land
'Tis when the winter evenings come,
Then, bless her dear young soul
She sits up with her best young man
And burns her fathers coal.
-Kea1sey Enterprise.
How is this Persian insect powder to
be applied ?" asked an old lady who had
purchased some of the article to deal with
| Il case Ol TOdCutS- ClNt Cul lcdSDOODIul
after each meal p answered the brilliant
young pharmacist, as he turned to the pc
rusal of Wild William of the West; or
Bowboy's Cruel Caroline. ."-Medical
Classics.
Mr.. Particular Goodform Ito the hostess
after dinner" Yours is the first dinner
Eve attended this season, Mrs Comstock,
that Eve really enjoyed" Mrs. Comstock-
"Oh, how very complimentary. To what
| feature of the entertainment shall | at
tribute your pleasure? Mr.. Goodform-
"To the spoons, Mrs. Comstock, the
spoons. Those placed before me were all
of size, and cannot tell you how | en-
joyed the time usually devoted to specula-
tion as to which spoon was designed for the
eourse."-Boston Beacon
There ought to be societies formed for
the encouragement of the laugh. A real
laugh is not common. If he laughed
hearty and oftener, man would be better
morally and physically. There is nothing
like habitual laughter for promoting good
appetites and good digestion. The man
who laughs honestly has no heart for
avarice, cruelty and discrimination. A man
may smirk and guffaw and be a villain
still, but one who laughs habitually with
his whole being can be nothing of the
sort Therefore, brethren and sisters,
speed the cause of laughter if you can
Troy Press.
A physician was summoned to attend a
man who had been taken violently i'll.
"What do you think is the matter with
him?n the wife of the patient asked. "A
very severe stomach trouble, brought on
by overeating," the physician answered
THAT cannot be-" the woman replied
aBut, madam, say it is fact" ''He
could not have eaten too much, doctor"
@And why not, madam Because we
spent the summer at New England farm
house and he had not chance to eat any
thing when sent for you" "Ah, perhaps
you are right madam. with regard to the
eating, but l still insist that ne is afflicted
with q stomach trouble. .'-4rsdasar Tfar-
e5er.