St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-11-20
WOMAN.
Things She Can DO and Can Not

Do.
New York Comm ercial Advertiser.
This is the title of short article that
has been going the rounds of the press
for some weeks past, and under it are
to be found about two dozen accom-
plishments of the fair sex. AS the
champion of all things American, the
Commercial wishes to place itself on
record as believing that, in alloting to
lovely wOman-Who is one of the great
est of American InStitutiOns-but two
two dozen talents" the man who first
framed the article in question showed
himself person of narrow mind and
imperfect perception, second only to
the poet who limited the capacity of
woman to the four undoubtedly rare
accomplishments:
she can dance, she can sing,
She can turn handspring,
She can climb up sycamore tree.
To attempt to put together in any
kind of tangible form full list of the
"things woman can do" is SiSyphuS
task. 1t is like trying to find the end
of circle. or running for the presi-
dency on a prohibition ticket. The
ability to do" as it is found in woman
is one of the most incomprehensibly
comprehensive attributes of human eX-
istence. Adequately to enumerate her
possibilities as door would require
the constant application of an infinite
number of enumerators for fOrty-eight
hours day every day for an eternity of
eternities, if not longer, and yet some
poor narrOw-minded. very misOgyniStic
journalist has not besitated to attempt
to do her justice 10y implying, without
fear of contradiction, that two dozen
stipulated filings are the limit of her
capacity.
Better. far better is it to enumerate
the thugs she cannot do, and, as still
further tribute to her pre-eminent pre-
eminence. let it be said here that even
if the things she cannot do, two dozen
is wofully small and utterly made
quate estimate. For ourselves, in Look
ing over the list and excluding politics,
piety and pie, the three great p's that
give rise to much luminosity when dis
cussed too vigorously, we call to mind
at least dozen things the fair Lalage
cannot do. and they are briefly these:
She cannot keep base ball score.
She cannot be trusted to buy cigars
for her husband.
She cannot keep bank account with
out overdrawing it.
She can not he got to grasp even the
underlying principles of the science of
finance.
She cannot comprehend-because she
has never experienced 1.-THE pleasure
her husband derives from "seeing" the
man he goes out to see between the
acts.
She cannot live in love and charity
with neighbOr who dresses in better
taste than herself, or who has dress
70 I,in ftxIi oc 10 hnr
Though her vision is not defective,
she cannot see the use to be derived
from lodges, or appreciate the pleasures
of club life.
Though fully conscious that the cos
tunes of her friends are sometimes
loud, she yet fails to note the oftentimes
tumultuouS coloring of her own Tux
edo.
She can no more drive horse along
a straight road than she can hit the
bull's-eye on three-innh rifle range
with a shotgun loaded to the muZZle
with bird shot.
She derives the greatest conceivable
pleasure from visiting all the shops and
pricing all the articles on sale, yet she is
utterly obliviouS to the good sense of
her husband, who sits quietly at the
breakfast table aud reads those "stupid
stock quotations.
She rarely. if ever, has been able to
write twO-page letter ON less than a
quire of note paper. Finally, her great
est fault, since the downfall of Adam,
with rare exceptions, has been unable to
Quench. quell or Quash the admiration
for her virtues that always does, always
must appear in the properly constituted
mortal OF the other sex.
These things, and countless others
too, woman can not do, but they are the
exceptions that prove the rule of her
superiority to man Ia, all things save
politics, science. art and business.
Here's TO the ladies. Long may they
wave.