The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-09-22

Thorne always had for him when he got
home. Thorne was always there first, con
cealed behind big tree near the door.
! When the proper moment came he would
spring forth like culinary Roman, wiz
a breast plate made of tin pie plates, a hCl-
met consisting of tin milk pail with tie
bail under his chin, armed with rolling
pin and shielding himself from attack by
means of bright, tin dish pan, he would
burst forth, and after Shakesperian howl
of welcome. he would suddenly cast away
his armor and execute a break doWn on the
green.
1t would seem from this that actors are
not only susceptible to enjoyment OF
| harmless nature, but that they actually
have affection for each other sometimes
which would do credit to the higher order
of human beings.
| At one time Robson was playing the
grave digger and Mr.. Forrest, Hamlet.
When they came TO the burial, he noticed
| that the priest spoke rather thlckly, al d
his feet were balanced doubtfully on the
edge of the grave. He seemed to be a
little mixed as to whether it was Ophelia's
grave or a drunkard's grave. Ii it were
| the latter, he seemed to have serious no
tions of filling it himself.
Mr. Forrest noticed it. AS well as | can
recall the words, they were about as fol-
| lows:
| 1IleSI-f1CE ODSIthltS nave DGtu SUI Id
n'large ez we have warrantish-
Forrest lin low growl) Most damned,
| intoxicated and Improbable ass Speak
| ing pious words in the most impressive
scenes ever written or portrayed, you sir,
balance yourself upon the verge of prop
erty grave, and with the hellish odOr of
rum about your garb, with eyes like the
dead, yet eloquent Goldfish, you, sirrah,
ESSAY to pronounce the Obsequies of the
! fai1, nnhp1iaI pahi
| Prest-Her death was doubtful, and but
tn great command o'ershwayd tn order,
she should in ground unshanctified here
! lodge till astrump ish played.
Forrest lin a suppressive rumble like dis
tant stage thunder)-Oh, villainOus and
most pestiferous priest! Could | but get
hack at thine own obsequies how ioyfuIly
would pronounce them. And thou, churl-
| ish priest, seeking to support the noble For
rest when beshrew me, but thou canst not
support the giant jag thou hast concealed
! about thee. Out upoR thee thou maudlin
! shoemaker, thou deep-voiced ass, with
naught to recommend thee but that cursed
dignity which is and ever was the devils
disinfectant for a moss grown mind.
Priest-FOr sharitable prayers, shards,
! f1ints and pebbles should be thrown at her,
yet here she's allowed her Virgin Grants,
her maiden strew ments and the bringing
home of bell n'burial.
Lartes-Must there no more be done?
Priest-N'more be done! You bet We
should profane sheryice of dead to shing
requium and shuch sings to her you know,
as to preach parted shOles (hic)
Forrest (sOtto voice, also aside oh,
most successful and profound inebriatel
Thy work is done. The fair Ophelia can be
the recipient of no deeper indignity. Bo-
gus and most rocky priest Hell could not
spare thee if it knew thy worth! Oh full
Orbed ass with tallowy pate, odds pettikins
that thou shouldst spread the priestly vest
ments DER the mammoth jag, and then
come here to hic and bray above the grave
of fair Ophelia. Begone, dull knave, bid
thee tarry not, for at the postern thou wilt
find thy quittance and thy salary In ripper
years when thou dOst almost have thought,
in some, short, lucid, bromide interval, re
member what the great and only Forrest
told thee.
(Curtain)
Bill NYE.
Look to Simmons Liver Regulator for re
lief from all sickness resulting from dis
eased liver.