Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-05-22
AN UNFORTUNATE WIT.
How q HOLSTERS Little Game was spoiled
by a Fellow from Missouri.

How q Hoosier's Little tame was spoiled
by a Fellow from Missouri.
Jim Frank Bell, an Indiana village
wit, while in Chicago the other day.
found much amusement at the Eden
Musee. He cared nothing for the
groups of historical p~ersonages, nor
for the music, but vas greatly taken
with the naturalness of the wax figure
of a tramp that stands in the front
corridor. A humorous idea occurred
to Jim Frank Bell. 81 will" he
unused. shave some fun right here. I
will play a trick that will tickle Alb
Tucker and lobe Walker an the other
fellers mighty nigh to death when I
git back home an tell 'em about 1T. L
will pass myself off for one,1of these
here wax folks"
While no one was looking he took a
leaning position against the wall, aud
stood with %downcast eyes. Two young
women came ih.4
That's quite a natural. figure,n said
n of them, pointing at Bell. ! TX Is.
Il don't know the other one re-
piled. His mustache looks as If the
hairs might have been put in with a
pegging-awl."
Eyes, that's so; and in order to
make him look like a drunkard. thew
have put too much red paint on his
nose."
They passed in. Two men came into
the corridor. "Halloa," said one.
''they have put up another bum since
we were here the other day."
Yes, and he doesn't reflect anv
credit on his profession"
"a glaring caricature, at best"
mo, at worst. for there is nothing
best about him."
They passed on, and shortly after
ward there came out of the musee a
half-drunken fellow ifram. Missouri.
He had, or account fof .misbehavior,
been ordered out of. the house; and,
smarting with anger.,h el stopped in
the corridor. He zcarried "a hickory
cane.
"Come shown 5meh around y-likeua
dog!" he muttered. Wish L had nv
crowd. I'd break up every thing in
the house. There you are Cooking at
Jim Frank BelDt Like to have you
down in Missoury. I'd makesa skeer-
crow outen you"
He looked all around and her took
a large quid of long-green tobacco out
Of his mouth.
IA crow wouldn't come in a hum
dred miles NV SIGH a thing ez you air
eff he had hearn tell NV that nose"
A devilish expression crossed his
face. He looked around again. and
then with a terrific ''spat," he drove
the quid of masticated tobacco into
Bells eye. The village wit, with a
yell, leaped high in the air. and the.
Missourian, frightened at SO unex-
pected a performance, whacked Bell
over the head with his hickory stick
and quickly wheeling about took to
his heels. When a number of people,
attracted by the frightful yell, rushed
to the spot, they found Jim Frank Bell
lying on the floor. He was uncon-
%scious, and a lump. about the size sof
a goose-egg, had gatherharoon&yhis
head. He was taken tota hospital,
and. after several days,rtreatnent,
was able to go home and regale Alb
Tucker and lobe Walker with his
joke.
AS the Missourian was in Chicago,
no attempt was made to detect and
arrest him, although the newspapers
spoke of the incident as Gan attemp.
to commit murder in broad daylight
at a.popular place of amusement"
The M~issourian sent the following
letter to a friend:
my DEAR FEB: This here is the
blamedest town [ ever saw. A man
amt safe here ever when he amt in
danger. 1t takes SO much hus'ling ter
git along here that even the wax fig
gers in the shows air alive. | thought
I'd have a little fun with one Nv them
an [ hit him in the eye with a5chaw
terbacker al dinged eff he didn't jump
ten feet high. This skeered me, I tell
you. Why, down in our country. when
a things wax, it's wax; but when a
things wax up here, you don't know
whuther it is or not. Wall, SIR when
that thing jumped j didn't know whut
it mout do next, sol ups with nay stick
an give him a crack that laid him out.
[ have been robbed twice sense I.come
here, but as [ have stole a puttyegood-
lookin' pistol an a pair Nv saddle-bags,
[ reckon [ am putty nigh AR
kansaw Traveller.