davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22
A Square Statement by a Carpenter.

''For years I have had a chest trouble
amounting to nothing short of consumption.
s1lU how others in like condition had been
cured by the Csc of DR.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery, and resolved to test its
merits in my own case. The results are so
plane as hardly to require bjtstOcAc or any
1uger-ment in favor Of this CRATE remedy.
It does 1JUL it claims! It builds up the sys-
tenn, supports and strengthens where others
faiI.' He ADJ: ''My recovery, which is
now on a sure foundation, hinges entirely on
The compass of this wonderful Restorative,
having tried other remedies without bit of
relief"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

''NEy dearest Nellie, could not rest unti
I had come and made an effort to dispel the
gloomy thoughts that, which to judge from
your letter of yesterday, threatened to de-
velop into suicidal mania. IT'S true Alfred
has Tilted you, the wretch! Still try to act
like sensiable girl, and look out for an
other to take his place." ''Your advice
Nellie, yCu surely haven't taken poison?''
''Well, n-n-no: but the fact is, II became
engaged again yesterday!'
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

John - she said softly, shave you been
saying anything about me to mother Iately?'7
''NO,' replied John. ''Why do you ask?''
because she said this morning she beIiev-
Now, do not wish you to speak to mother
when you have anything of that kind to say.
Speak to me and I'll manage the business
with mother" And John said he would.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

Mrs. Leuox Hill (getting ready to leave
town.; ''Lenox, where shall / hide these
silver spoons in case thidves break in? Do
you think between the mattresses would be
good placer" Br. Lenox Hill (Who knows
what as is talking about: 'cNonsense! Put
them into one Of Jour dress-p pockets in the
closet, and if a burglar finds that he de-
serves the spoons"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

Madam, have come to thank you. .
murmured tramp to a woman out west.
what have I done for you?' asked the
woman, surprised. ''You refused to give
me one OF those dumplings you had for
dinner yesterday" f'Yes, I remember. -
she replied. 'And you gave one to an old
man who cleaned up your door-yar1?''
True again. He was as industrious as yen
were lazy, and deserved ito MADAM, %
continued the tramp, sOlemnIy, ''I owe yCu
my life. It killed him. -
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22
a Great Legacy

clean, pure Observation-Disclosures than wealth,
because it Will never prove curse. You
cannot give what you do not possess-but
mothers viii find in DR.. Pierces Favorite
Prescription a wonderful help-cOrrectin
all weaknesses, bringing their systems into
perfect condition, so that their children. IN
tainted, shall rise up to call them blessed!
There is not druggist in all the land
But always kesps stock on hand.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

the west as to rail rOad rates between cities.
1t Is an odd piece of matchmaking, bat not
50 much SO as ''fEiyol, y the verb descriptive
OF frivolous, which the New York Herald Is
trying to force into use.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22
RARREn WIPE

If you have barbed wire fences, keep Vet
Urinary CarbOlisa1ve, in your stables. 1t
cures without scar and reneWs the hair its
original color. 80 cents aod SI.0O at Drug.
gists or by mail. Cole q Co, Black River
Falls, Wis.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

sympathize deeply with your sffiiction-
Your daughter. understand, was a charm
ing poetess, though Ine7er saw any of her
poems copied" Mr.. Highmind-'tNo, Door
child; she was very refned.''
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

'eWho is your family physician. Freddie2''
owe amt got none, said the boy. ''Pa's a
homepath, mas a ailapath. Sitter Jane is a
Christian scientest, grandpa and grandma
buys all the quaok medi0ines going. Uncle
is a horse doctor"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

when Baby was sick, We gave her Cassoria,
When shewas a Child, she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss. she chung to CastoTia.,
when shs had Children, she gave them Castoris,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22
COnsumptIon Surely Cured.

To the Edjtor;-PIease inform your read
ers that have q positive remedy for Con
sumption. By its timely use thousands of
hopeless cases have been permanently
cured. I shall be glad to send two bottles
OF my remedy FREE to any Of your readers
Who have consumption if they viii send me-
their Express and p. o. Address. Respect
fully, T. A. SLOCUM, n. Q. ISl, Pearl
St N Y
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

Waiter: seWi1 you try course liinner2.
stEO, sir; no coarse dinner for rs Bring as
the finest one you've got We don't come
to New York every day; do We Oabl4da5"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

Photographer; ''Your son, the student, had
half q dOzsn photos taken q long time ago.
Here Is proof I happen to have by me; a
capital likeness, don't you think? But the
young gentleman hasn't paid for them yet,
1 am sorry to say Father: HIN! that's q
good deal more like him.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

to % t faggn s8 S sir S08 and a 7esn g
him, but 1 do not love him. Prac5icsI
mother: ooh, that don't matter. You
won't Sc him often enoughto grow tired Of
him. He's politician"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

Experience teaches: A gentleman threw
bOotJack et his strong minded and strong
Eoogued wife the other day. He thinks a
potsto-grater beats all creation in temoving
hair from the head.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

For Throat Diseases, Coughs, Colds, ETC..
ehectual relief is found in the use of
BrOlVgI's Bronchial IT0ches." Price % cts.
Sold only IN bO5ces.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

Long continued embarrassment: Wife
(tender,y) ''Do you remember, Charles how
embarrassed you we're when you proposed
to me?" Mr. Hardup: ''No dear; I've been
SO embarrassed since We were married that
had forgotten all about it,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

The chap that is accustomed to getting
'shigh'' knows what it is to rise with the
clark"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

Doctor: ''Yeu my dear sir, whst seems
20 Be the seat Of your diaease?" Patient; g!
DOESN'T seem to have any seat, doctor. It's
Jumpin up and down all the while"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

"a thousand dollars for that little pic
turei" ''Yes'm, but it is an oil, you know,
end, oh yes. did not no LII, think IL OF
dard Oil company isp'
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

An historians definition of matrimony.
Choice .dificuIt-success doubtfUI-engage-
ment perpetual.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

A Rochester man celebrated Washington s
birthday by putting an egg under his hen
and telling her to hatchet.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

With the four new states added to the thir-
ty-eight, Uncle Sam Will be fair, fat and
foTty-tWo,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22
~ unfinishe1 sipn: Mi

An unfinished sign: Miss Wegtend-''And
can you always judge of n mans character
by the way ne lsughs?'' Social Philosopher
-"Oh, no; not by the way he laughs but by
what he laughs at
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

When schooImaster fogs boy can the
boys parents bring an action of taught
against the teacher?
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

The woman without hustle looks like
a hen canght in a rain storm.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

CHILLED by remorsev' is the startling
headline of an exchange. Hang remOrses
say We.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

We have great respect for the penetration
US.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

When rogues agree honest men catch the
deuce.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

455 Ne Carey ST., Baltic, Nd.
a Chicago lover bat his girl that he could
tell what she vas thinking Of. He thought
shs vas thinking Of him, but she wasn't; il
was about DR.. BuiPs Cough Syrup which
had Just cured her Of 6 dreadful cough.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22

GFS. The best teachers Csse D5tSOl3
e Co.'S Instructors.
The following Books sell largely and all the time:
Richardson's New Method for the Piano
forte {$3) N. E. Conservatory Method for
the PianOforte ($8) Mason s. HOadley's
System for Beginners. (On Piano. 49, and
ATason's System of Technical Exercises,
$3.50. BeHak's Analytical Method for
Piano, (fOr beginners) ST. and Winners,
Ideal Method (fOr beginDersl 30 cts,
EVERY MUSIC TEACHER needs a foil ssC
of Ditson & Co.'S great Catalogues, describing
folly the largest stock in America. An invest
ment which pays well is 8 subscription to Ditson
q Co.'S MONTHLY MUSICAL RECORD (9l which
describes inteligently eUeTg near DltLsc book as
e. is issued, and every new piece OF music prints
cellent lesson pieces and SONGS discusses the
ores, and gives a condensed Record" OF the,
world music
SCHOOL MUSIC Teachers ara invited to
examine and use the newest of our successful
School Music Books; BONG MANUAL (Bk. /, 80
cts or So per doz Blk. 2, 20 cts, or 81. 20 per
dOs BIZ. 8, 80 cts. or 81. 81 per dOz.( by l.. o.
Emerson. Thoroughly good and interesting
graded course Also Song HARMONY, $50 cts. or
Is per doz.l by L. o. Emerson, to be used Ia
High Schools or for Adult Singing Glasses.
oliver Bitson & Co, Boston,
LYON s. HEALY. CHICAGO.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22
Mrs. W1E. @. BALD.

I suffered sWe ussks With aauralgia. Of the
face end procured immediate relief by
using Salvation Oil.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-03-22
Are Y0uAMuSIC TEACHER?

The best tools make the best IDOFls. 2Yte 6eSs
Instruction books make tee best SCItOL-
airs. The best teachers GSse DjtSOI1
e COS EElafl.aactOlsa.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
"whars the Matter With Frying ,Rmi"

"Well, Ma, said Mandy 10 the widow Green.
who had Just returned from the country fair
" / don't see that you've brought much home.
There's nothing but this big feather duster aud
lot Of little sample packages What's that in
that yellow papcr1"
Z" It's cracker dust, Mandy"
Cracker dust! Well, now you're talking
Ma. That's something like, ii you've only
bought enough Of il. What's the matter with
having those oysters fried now, instead Of tho
h0rrid old stewl"
"'Mandy, / do wish yOn wouldn't talk 30
outlandish. It's some beautiful cracker dust
that they give away in cute little packages. |
got together a lot OF EN-, aud then set down
on 'em in the wagon and busted 'em, but
poured the whole lot into that clean paper. OF
course we can have 'em fried, If You'll set the
table aud give US something 10 eat 'em on
Those oysters came into my mind the minute /
set eyes Oh that cracker dust Such d beanti-
ful name il had, too ] can't think what 10
was but u was printed big 80 / could read
IL without my glasses. BY stars! never saw
the beat Of this frying pan If you could only
do your cooking on the handle, you'd have
things cooked before you knew i'll"
Ma" said Mandy whats the matter with
having pie for EappeF7"
"' Mandy, do wish you could talk like a
Christian beingl If you want the pie why
can't you say So decentiyl"
"
! Mar" said the irrepressble Mandy. "Its no
matter. anyhow. Its no matter what you do
| If your heart be-merciful goodness, Ma,
| what's all that sizzling aud sputterng2"
There was sizzling and sputtering, sure
enough. A thick smoke poured from the fry
-ng pan. Every oyster that could be seen at
Btbrough IL seemed 20 be trying TO stand up
on its binds legs and claw the air. Moreover,
they were rapidly getting black in the face OF
| the attempt. The widow stood dazed and be-
wildered. Mandy, with experience of the
world, seized the yellow paper, and examined
carefully the few grains that were left.
Cracker dustl" said she, finally. "That's
nice cracker dustl It's PearIine, Ma that's
what il is. It's what I've been wanting you 70
! get for ever so long. Now. if you'd wanted to
wash those oysters, you couldn't have done
better. It's the first time too" she added re-
heetively, as she surveyed tho blackened sup
| per, " it's the very first time that / ever knew
Pearline TO hurt anything. Anyway, Ma, we
| found ont what was the matter with frying
/ them, didn't we3"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
From Errrrnhrre.

Prospective Father-in- Iaw--How do you OK.
peet 70 get along without q salary, II you arc
going 10 get married?
Young Smiley ijas&er-That Is not tho point
how am to get along If don't get married ?
Time.
The faithful lover doesn't care where the
Worlds Exposition is held while he il holding
the worlds fair in his arms. Florida Times
Union.
And how did your manuscript pass the cd
itorsf"
g IL got through but notice q marked dif.
ference in it."-LUc.
English Tories do not love Gladstone. bat
when they read Of his e.chopping exploits
they have 10 acknowledge lao is a good felier.-
Commercial Beiletia.
A correspondent wishes to know chow TO
become witty taIker." There Is no ready re-
eept for this accomplishment that Ne know of,
unless il Is 10 take plenty OF mustard. That
makes the tongue smart burlington Free Press.
Some one asked an old lady abonl r sermon
Could you remember itY" Remember 10 +?
La, no; the minister couldn't remember IL him.
self HE had 20 have IL written down. ."-Chris.
fidH Adroeafe.
Talk about absent mindedness. !" said citl.
zen to-day, why when was boy 1 WORKED
for man who was SO bsent-minded that he
discharged me three times In one week aud paid
me a weeks wages each me."-Ringston Free.
man.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
sismart,a Raiierr.

EDITOR NATIONAL TRIBUNE: herein fur
nish you with some additional names 10 add to
the list of Battery d. 9TH U. S. Art. as given in
" The Story OF Cannoneer y: William Caster,
Bugler; Peter Casper, Martin Philips, Lafay-
cite Pusley, Dad Goule John Anderson kill
ed at Antietam), - Stcadman, John w.
knight. Scoing the names of these comrades
omitted in the list. | wish, as all the com radcs
To have the list correct. / also should like the
writer to explain how he managed to do with
out No. f. AS ho was the most essential man in
action, ~ he pulled the lanyard, being on the
right. aud No. 8 on the left of tho guu.-JoHa
w. KNIGHT Co. B, 4th u. S. Battery, Parker,
Ind.
I'VE are Obliged to Comrado Knight for the
above correction. II he will read the sketch
carefully he will see that the author states that
the roll Is not accurate. but Is the best he can do
from memory. We would be further obliged to
Comrade knight if he would give US as nearly
as no eau, the dates when the men he mentions
joined the battery. how long they remained.
whether they were detached volunteers or
Regulars. and what became of them. Our rea-
son for asking this is that towards the end OF
this sketch there will appear general roster
and accounting-roll of all the men who were
in the battery from beginning to end of the
war. and such information will be valuable in
correcting that roll. Tho name of Anderson
appears in the roll as given. but perhaps there
were two OF that name. Phillips was in the
original manuscript, but was apparently omit
ted in the type-written revise; also Steadman.
The others are additional. However, as about
800 names passed through the rolls of the bat
terry from 1861 TO 1865 it would be surprising
If one man could rccollect them all particu-
lariy when he did not get acquainted with it
until tho latter half of the war
AS to the question about " No. t." the Field
Artillery Manual prescribes that "in the alb
sence of No. 4, No. shall prepare and insert
the tube and discharge the piece" (See page
7s, Revised Manual of 1886 Clause l0S }
Comrade knight must have made slip of the
pen in saying that mo. 4 is on the right of
and No 3 on the left of the gun" Their posi-
tions are exactly the reverse of that (See
page n, Revised Manual, Clause l06. )-EDrToR
NATIONAL TRIBUNE.l
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24

Mr.. Timothy B. Powers, OF New York CITY,
proposes 20 build something for the Worlds Fair
~ 1892, 70 carry people 10 a great hight. which
viii not in any manner resemble the Eitfel
Tower at the Paris Exposition, but which will
serve the same purpose. Mr.. Powers's plan % ro-
vides for the construction of an immense swing
ing tower. LOCO feet long which will describe
complete semicircle. passing frUm a horizon
tai TO vertical position and continuing its
course until 1t again assumes a horizontal posi-
tion. At the exterme end Of the tower will be
platform or car. capable OF accommodating one
thousand people and so constructed that il will
adjust itself 10 the motion Of the tower aud
always retain horizontal position.
Thus, In its course. the tower will describe a
semicircle. the diameter Of which will be 2 600
feet, constituting what. without exaggeration.
may bo termed =" thrilling aerial flight" Aud
when the tower Is in a vertical position the
passengers on the selfadjnsting platform will be
something more than 600 feet from the ground.
which is greater hight than they can ascend
by means Of the EiIel tower
To put the comparison in a nutshell this
Powers tower will carry people 10 q greater
hight than the Eifcl tower aud give them in
addition an serial ride which almost takes OH d
breath away merely To thinl. Of
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
PERSONS AND THINGS.

-" Ben Hur" has recently been translated into
Dutch, as has also john Ward PreachcrU
The sentiment la favor of 4 Republic In Brazil
is spreading very rapidly, aud IL is by no mems
improbable that Dom Pedro Is destined 10 be the
last Emperor.
Mr. Edsou's remark that IL YeouIred n tr,u,,,
Of 90 miles TO see all the machinery displayed at
the Paris Exposition gives some idea OF ils vast
extent
The King Of Portugal ia paralyzed from bis
waist downward. He cannot live more than u few
weeks
They tell Joke out West on John II. Miller.
who went to New Mexico for his health or "A round
trip ticket, with descriptive coupon mark ing him
tall slim. with black nusiache" By The
time he was ready to return he had unined Ion
pounds and grown beard, and the conductor fred
him of train for trying to ride somebody else 4
ticket. lie has brought snit for $1,000 damages
Chicago Inter Ocean
- / can't understand all this fuss about using
electricity foreXecuiions," remarked Judge Lynch
Of Kansas, reilecively. "Out Ia our section we
have used the telegraph pole for years"
On the day of general election the French It
would seem. allay their excitement by heavy eat-
ing. On Sunday, sept. ~, they ate az no pounds
Of oysters aud 10000 pounds Of fowls On Lhe pre-
viOus Sunday. very fine day they consumed 100 j.
O0O pounds less weight OF oysters and 900 pounds
less weight of fowls.
"A French stntstieian has just aseertAined that a
human being. of either sex, who Is a moderate
eater, and who lives To be 20 years old consu m es
during the days Of the years Of his life a auat-
tty Of food which would iii 70 ordinary railway
baggage cars. good eater" however, may re-
quire many 80.
been introduced into Germany niistook last VIM
ter the first snow storm they saw for n flight Of
white butterflies. Lieut.. Won Francois says the
mistake was very natural One day when
he was ascending q tributary of the Congo he snw
for the first time the air filed with great swarm
Of white butterflies, aud he says the spectacle
closely resenibled n gentle fall of snow.
There used To be n singular custom mt Holland
House. The last Lord Holland shot himself Ii
WAS the tradition of the fami y that he had been
shot, and every night for years, punetually at ii
O'Clock. gun fired from behind the house for
The purpose, The vulgar said of soaring the CON
science Of The murderer. The gun has not been
heard for years now.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
Man In IN. Abstract.

When a man has a cataract 10 IL cruel 10 dam
his eyes any further ErchaRgs
Not every man who lays "A wager Is inclined
to cackle over it--Riehiload Dispatch.
When maB is self made few people arc left
in ignoTancc uf the fnrt.-R Boston Courier
man Is not necessarily OF heavy caliber
because he has q large mouth. BOSTON TraJ-
script.
Even tho homeless man may have n title
clear to mansions in the skiea.--Fl0rida Times.
Union.
lt takes a smart man 10 tell good lie but
nearly al men grow smarter the longer they
arc marricd.--Somerriiic Journal
No man can appreciate what mother feels
the drst time she hears her boy sneer al
womaukind.-M Mii6atltee Journal.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
Talking Shop.

Mrs. Observation-Disclosures. now that Mrs. DE
Virgins has gone, let me tell you again never
10 make any allusion 10 pas packing business
before company
Aelinda-Why, ma, didn't say anything
about pork.
Mrs. Aushroom-So; but you spoke about
having sly on your eye, and it mortified me
terribly.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
Deeply Interested.


Jinks-T would have been run over on
Broadway to-day if it had not been for Winks,
who was with me. He spraug forward and
showered blows on the horses heads with an
umbrella. Just as the umbrella broke the team
stopped, and / was pulled out from beneath the
wheels.
Binks-Did the umbrella have silver han
die like shepherds crook?
81 didn't notice particularly, and, besides, he
brokeit all to pieces stopping the team. Why"
He borrowed mine yesterday"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
Not Pride. but Caution.
TNc,p yo,L IVccLlu1

lhtW O'h HttNU1
Sweet Girl-Mother, Mr.. Nicefelow is COM
ing to take me out riding this afternoon. l
may go, mayn't II
Mother-If he drives up with span of spir-
tied horses, you can GO; but if he comes up
with that broken-d down old nag he had last
time, you shan't.
"Why mother didn't suppose you would
ever have such foolish pride"
My dear, young man who comes with a
pair of spirited horses expects to drive with
both hands"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
Extreme PielY.
INnrprr'N Hcekln.l

White Gentleman-Unele Joe, you never
work on Sunday, do your
Uncle .Ioo-No, Sab. You doan ketch sich
'ligious niger as me wukkin' on Sunday. ! so
keerful bout dat doan wuk OH no day dat
tech Sunday. doan wuk on Sat'day nor Mon
day. nuthcr; an sometimes keep Sunday dc
whole week You got to rustic roun' Of you
want ter find niger wild mo- 'ligion den rs
got
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1889-10-24
Pet Names for Himself

IWWFtEtV y VtthgI
Mr. Firebrand stumbling over q footstool
while trying to light the gas)-Ow-woo! Gee
whz! Thunder and dornationl
Mrs. Firebrand-What'st the matter, dear2
Mr.. Fircbraud forgetting he placed tho foot
stool there himselfl-Some internal imbeciIe
and idiotic doIt put tho footrest in tho middle
of the snom, right under tho chandelier, and
almost shattered my anklnbone against It.
Mrs. FIrcbrand-Ge / should think you
would have more self frespect than TO call your
self such names before your wifs aud children.