Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1889-09-07
Girls Then and Now.
TBY BANNER MAN, RURAL RETREAT, vA)

article ofcommerce, has become fear
fully and woefully adulterated. In
fact it is hard to get the genuine ar
ticle at any price. 1t makes me sick
at the liver to see the country food
ed with these cheap, paper cover,
two Decentralization girls. When
I WAS in the bud and bloom OF life a
woman was made Of flesh and blood,
but, alas for human greatness, she is
now manufactured out CT wheat bran,
old newspapers and rags. Like all
adulterations, she looks about as well
and sometimes better than the gen.
uine article but she can't stand the
pressure. Why, bless your soul, the
girls of my day could stand $50
pounds Of hugging to the square
inch, and do big days washing be-
sides. Young man, / would like to
see you hug your wasp-waisted bum
die of adulteration in that style.
You would break her square of be-
fore you would get on twenty five
pounds Of steam. Many q poor fel
low has stopped before girl was
half Rugged for fear of breaking her
spinal monument. Hugging nova
days IS sorry thing. It's glory has
departed and it fops around like
an old pair Of oyeralls in the wind.
It is like eating honey-comb with
the honey extracted. A man used
TO hug & girl like he was trying to
keep her from busting, and hold on
like a dog to q briar root, but I am
panied to inform this wicked gener-
alton of vipers that such glorious
things left about the same time that
the razor-backed hog and the flax
break pulled out. Such hugging as
that would Kill all the women in less
than month, When fellow used
to leave his sweetheart he felt like q
great big man, who had done great
big thing that would make him
bright and shining light in the world.
and that he had been holding about
as big slice of heaven in his arms
as is ever dished out to mortals here
below. The ten-cent dude of to-day
feels like he had been hugging fire
poker, and cold one at that. He
feels meek and lowly, and would
thank some humane person to skin
him alive and hang his hide up on a
staked and ridcred fence to dry.
You didn't have to spend for
tune on the Atwood, yard wide girls
of the sweet long ago, when you
spanked them. They never asked
you to throw in the ice cream and
oyster stews as a premium. A man
didn't have to smell like musk.rat,
part his hair in the middle and wear
q striped scarf with monogram pin
in it to get aloug. They never ask
ed you to prove your love by hiring
teams, to take them out riding, while
you made Out with one shirt. When
you called on your girl she never
bored you 30 death by talking about
aesthetics or the opera, but would
shy over towards you and lay her
face on youl white vest, Just like it
belonged there. Then you would be-
gin to feel like bloated bcndhold-
er, and your heart would flop around
like an old Matching hen with her
head cut OF. You would pat her
on the cheek to keep her blood in
circulation and she would take fit
and throw her everlasting arms of
affection around your neck. This
made you think that heaven had sud-
denly slid down on earth and set up
in business, and that it was about as
good a time for the millennium to
come as it would get. Along in that
neighborheod somewhere you gener-
ally broke the ice, and asked her
what tire fraction was.--But you did
not make a fool of yourself. You
did not make yourself ridiculous by
telling her that you would erect a
magnificent edifice, whose grandeur
and beauty would knock Solomon's
out in one round and that you
would usher her into its shining por-
tails and place upon her bangs a
crown of never-fading gems, when
you knew in your soul that you new
er could earn more than seventy
i've cents day to save your life,
and your wife would have to take in
washing and fry beef liver on the fire
Goals Oh, no, people did not have
the double-distilled gall to lie like
that. There was no talk about
drifting together DER life's silvery sea,
and anchoring under golden clouds.
Such .lunaey had never been
dreamed oi then No sensible man
ever thought of getting down on
his knees, ike a convicted sinner
at a Methodist camp meeting, and
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