The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1889-09-21
A MISPLACED PARROT.
The Mischief Wrought by One
Feathered Friend.


hate it is a parrot. Had Edgar Poe
known my experiences he would have
called his famous poem "The Parrot. u
No raven was ever such "bird OF
fiend," in my case, as was a gray
parrot. My wrongs are all revivified
by that execrated phrase. Maledic-
tion on the race!
l was always an enthusiastic ass in
one thing My cynical friend Badger,
who, on the strength of having once
(probably during the temporary in
sanity of the sub-editor left in charge)
got an article which he said was
original into the Scarifier sets up for
a satirist, says Zone thing" is need
less limitation. Let that pass. My
enthusiasm took the form of volunteer
ing to execute commissions for ladies.
OF course Ispeak of my salad days.
And were l frivolous like Badger
might add, a pretty mess my salad
turned out. But so it was. And when
a man is in love he very frequently be-
comes greater fool than Carlyle
could have imagined. And l was in
1ove-deeply and devotedly, with every
prospect of happiness-till an accursed
fowl ruined all my chonces.
What pretty creaure Alice Hill
stone was! Tall and rounded, hands
and feet like an Andalusian' eyes of
the darkest brown, hair raven-hued,
lips like cherries and a walk like
Juno's! / saw her and loved her. And
she loved me. At any rate she said
she did when / got her and that old
witch of a mother of hers card for
Lady Highilyer's dance, through young
High6yer having borrowed my half
years salary to pay his account after
the Derby day, and my representing,
like an ass again, this card would be
quid pro quo, and, indeed, from then
till now IL is the only liquidation of
the debt he has ever suggested or will
suggest.
Mrs. Hillstone was well off but vul-
gar. Not in society; they lived in
Bloomsbury in big gaudily-furnished
house and had as commonplace set
of stupid acquaintances as man could
well do penance by associating with.
But Alice made up for all. was in a
government Office of rather an exclu-
sive kind (and that's about all / have
TO thank my influential relatives for),
and had the entree to some good houses.
i spent most of my spare time at
Bloomsbury, and dined there very often,
enduring the conversation of Mrs. Hill
stones late husbands city friends and
the vulgarities OF their ostentatious
wives and daughters till really Won
.dered l wasn't turned into a CONNER
,cial man. / hated-oh. how l hated!
the very name of the bank rate of alder
men, of warm people, of floating
companies ''par," and all the rest of it.
None of them knew any thing about
the opera, the Academy, the scandals
of the day or the society papers. And l
knew nothing OF their jargon and hated
their odor OF money. But Alice. the
incompatible, was like a violet amid
nettles, and / knew she ultimately
would inherit the Bloomsbury and
other houses. to say nothing OF some
consols, for had examined the pro-
bate of the defunct Hillstone's villa
fact which kept to myself, however.
Well, things went on very satisfac-
rily, when one day to my sorrow the
conversation turned on bids, and Mrs.
Hillstone said she had heard of won
derful parrot from one of her city
friends which the owner would not
part with. Somewhere in the wilds Of
Bethnal Green this individual lived,
and had refused offers innumerable for
his peerless bird; ..and Mr.. Philton,"
continued my prospective mother-in-
law. "Id give any thing il could ave
such bird. Moneys no objeck, you
know, with me when do ave fancy,
which 'aven't many, but ! don't know
how to set about it,"
My asinine enthusiasm was aroused.
"Mrs. Hillstone," said l, 'if that par
rot is to be got I'll get it,"
"You willp" said the old lady, de-
lightedly, "well, now, that's what /
call business!'' And Alice smiled be-
witchingly, and Intoxicated by her
glorious eyes, vowed to explore the
far East and secure this phoenix OF par
rots. Again permit me to say with the
Moor: 20 fool! fool! fool!''
xuAt do iu oh ~