The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-02-06

BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
She Scored One-She Felt Wretched
About 1.-THE Other String
D the Bow-Tough
Etc, Etc.
Ouoth he: "You are my life. dear girl,
Consent my wife to be-"
81 cannot, George" she quick returned,
"The law forbids, you see"
"The law forhids!" he gasped. Eyes, George"
She playfully replied.
"If YOU should take your life of course,
You'd be q suicide"
-Yonkers Gazette.
She Felt Wretched About 1t.
Mrs. Gushington-"Why, Julia, what
makes you look so down-hearted2"
Julia -"My servant has left me, and
nv door old mother, who is lust barely
recovered from an attack of rheumatism.
is compelled to do all the housework. u
The Other String to the Bow.
Mrs. smallsalary-"I don'tsee how we
arc going to keep the children warm this
winter, Alfred"
Mr.. Smallsalary-"Well, suppose We
can afford a fire part of the time, and
part of the time we can take turIs spank
ing them. ."-Burlington Free Press.
Tough!
Mr.. Long Waiting (the tailor)-9
would like very much to see Mr.. Ba-
boony. An important matter of busi'
ness, you know"
Mr.. Baboony's Man-''I'm very sorry,
sir, but Mr.. Baboony's busily hengaged,
sir, and can't be seen. He's studying,
sir, which coat he shall wear to the club
to-day, and it'd be ruin to me If l hin
terrupted him, sir w-Sytings
A Faithful Heart.
Tumblethwaite had proposed and been
accepted, and as he slipped the engage
ment ring upon her finger, he said trem'
ulously: =,
"Da.ling, you will always wear il
upon this finger, won't you" and the
girl with a shy glance of love, replied
"Always, George, always-when am
with you. ."-Lye.
Otherwise He Was Safe.
Hooligan-"So ye do bees teelin' me-
thet Brannigan was murthered be bur
glarsl" -,
Mooney-"Yis, be jabbers, it's fact. y
Hooligan-"An' did they get hi.
sNivefa cent. Sure he had
it hid safe, an barrin' losin' his life
Brannigan kim out wild whole shkin.'
No Danger OF les Spreading.
Gus Snoterly-"These Chinese must
CO." ,
Charlie Observation-Disclosures have
they been doing now"
II have been reading how they make
it sacred rite to pay every cent they
owe before the beginning of the new
year. Suppose they introduce that Gus
tom in this country"
"What if they do9 There's no danger
of its spreading."-Sytings.
Sing Far Away.
"What shall I sing2" he asked, when
they had persuaded him to sit down on
the piano stool in the saloon.
"Drifting." said one.
"When the Tide Comes In," said an
other.
Sailing" proposed third.
"Oh. sing Far Away suggested thu
irascible old gentleman on the bach
ee.-Te Ocean.
How to Lrarn German.
eff you want to learn German" said
Mr.. Leo Hirsch, State printer, 81 can tell
you how to do so in twenty-four hours. ,
"Well, tell u.s." said his auditors IN
chorus and with increased interest.
"Just take the whole German Ian
guage," said Mr.. Hirsch, slowly, soberly,
and with emphasis; "divide it into
twenty-four parts, and learn one par
every hour in the day."-Co Columbus Dis
patch.
A Dear Little NaEle.
Mrs. Slick Ito caller)-"This is my
little four-year- old Johnny, Mrs. Hob
son."
Mrs. Hobson (gushlngly)-'In
why bless your sweet little heart come
aud kiss me. Oh, what a delightful
little kiss aud what q nice little breath
Can you tell me your dear little name"
Johnny-"Yethm, ith Johnny Wat
routh Warrington Harrithon Thick. "
Epoch.
Rejuvenated.
"Did you ever notice that the con
fectioner's name is on these cookiesP
queried Waggley.
"No."
"Well, it is, and there's only one thing
lacking about it."
What's that2"
"a date"
And then the landlady, after dinner,
took 'em out on the back stoop ano
sandpapered 'em.-Detrot Free Press.