Democratic messenger., 1889-11-09
TRIALS ADAM ESCAPED.
Cis Daily life Was N"s isrs~t by the Thing
That Drive the Modern Sian villa.

EIs Daily Life Was N.s isrsrt By the Things
That Drive the Modern Sian villa.
No doubt II was severe alliiction TO
cid Grandfather Adam To be turned
out Of Paradise. though tlicrc are two
sides TO every question. and perhaps
hc was not wholly wretchcd over Il
We arc not going 10 argue the point I
nj present
What we want To get nj Is the fact
that, though Adam lived SO long ago.
when the world was young. he es
capped great many troubles and trials
winch bcsct tie modern man.
lie iuad never To- wrcstlc with set
of false teeth which did not Ill. aud
would not iii. and which felt. in spite
of the smiling dentist y assurance that
they looked perfectly natural. sir, .
more and more like u bureau in hiA
mouth every day
lie did not have any pretty girl
ncighbor. younger and more blWnling
than Mrs Eve, who made him wish.
whenever he lWkcd at lrt. :lIat hc
had waited a littlc lnngcr before set
Ting for life.
NObody asked iin To subscribe for 1,
encyclopedia. :.
Nobody asked linn TO give hundred
dollars to the minister.
No friend wanted his name on u lii
tic bill. just for thirty days. US u mere
form, you know
Nobody wanted Ia insure his life or
sell him u sewing machine. or u new
kind Of soap. or "a patent cliurn. ar %
liver pad. or II new tangled apple
parer. ar II prize package Of stationery.
Nobody wanted To put lightning
rods on his house Chrome pcd,llcrs
had not then begun their travels. Or
gan grinders did not pursue him with
their hats held out Bills for French
millinery and ''sundrics" never cloud.
cd his brow.
lie had never l;:nkcrcd after = 30
horse. lie lad no ambition To mount
a bicycle, He never had 10 fight po.
tato bugs We may safely conclude
that lic did not take pills. or bittcrs. or
rcstoisiiivcs warranted tocurc all dis.
eases under the sun III one month. or
money refunded.
lie was never mashed To Jelly in u
crowded horse car: never blown up in
u steamboat where the life prcscrvcrs
were pu, away So safely that nobody
could lind them. lac was never
priincd of most of liis arms and legs.
and scailcd 10 dealt, besides. in rail.
way collision. where nobody was Ia
blame. and the company was not cen.
sliicd
lie never had Ia asl; anybody what
this celebration nj Yorktown was for. "
AS hc MIS- lurI grown up. we may
conclude that lic invcr had 10 contend
with icci!ilng. ar nursing bottles
sourcd. or tic mulnns. ar the measles.
ar the whooping cough. ar the rash,
and. as hc had no mother. Of course
lac was never properly spanked. which
may account for tic iniSstcps lie made
i'll his career.
Ills heart WIS never torn by the
langs Of jealousy. lie never lad To
stand by aud kccpcool, while Miss Eve
walked or with tie other fellow
for the simple reason that the other
fellow was not tl.crc Ia wall; or with.
lie had not been horn just then.
.\tlanl, in all probability. never wore
II stiff stand up collar, or u pair OF
lnts in which he dared no; sit down.
lie never ate olcomargarinc. under
the fond ,lclusion that il WAS butter.
He never attended amy lectures on
health. To learn that al! food was poi.
son. and that nothing was wholesome
for man 10 cat He did not know
what the modern man knows. that Ia
he healthy We must starvc. fec2o
and c,clcw all things called hapA
ness, and take cold waic.' baths ana
gymnastics and dan,lclion tea daily.
lie never got divorced. lie ~ a
committed murder when hc was,
sane. llc never robbed n bank.
never ran away with another v
wife. He WAS brave old fclloI
took great care of his farY-
lived 10 bc 40 years ol
without knowing the Y
troubles hc had escaped
been in existence ut SUI
stage Of the worlds histf
willie journal.