The Iola register., 1889-11-15
HONEST CARL puNpER.
The Old Fellow Is Catching On to Ame
lean WAYS at Last.

| The Old Fellow Is Catching On to Amer
lean Ways at Last.
"lIello. Mr.. Dunder." saluted Sergeant
! Beniall as that individual entered the
| Central station. with a broad, satisfied
smile on his countenance,
Hello. Sergeant. Vhas eaferythings
.. all right NIT you?"
81 guess so. You look happy"
Sergeant, vhas shust like sweet oil.
No more troubles for me. vhas catch
ing on to do shust like Americans"
Il am glad of that. You used to be
terribly green"
$50 / yhas. Three months ago doan
know some beans in bag. Ha! ha.
Der cows come along und take me for
some grass. If it rains l shtandt right
| out doors und get wet. Ha! ha! 1t
makes me laugh when see how green 1
vhas!
Anything happened lately?" quer:ed
the sergeant, in a careless way.
.'Vhell, not meoch. Some fellers try
to beat me, but dey doan' make oudt.
vhas too sharp for 'em. One feller comes
along NIT six pairs of sheep-shears in a
bundle. He doan' want to sell dose
shears. but he likes to borrow three dol
lars for one day und leaf 'em for secur-
ity. If he doan' come pack in one day
dose shears vhas mine"
81 see."
"He doan' come pack. Maybe he
break his leg or something, but dot vhas
nothing to me. keep dose shears. If
somepody beats me. sergeant, he shall
haf to get oop VERY early in der morn
ing"
Il presume SO. Have you the shears
there?"
Il haf. belief you like to see 'em."
'They are worth two shillings pair"
said the sergeant, after an inspection.
''You are out of pocket fourteen shill-
ings, and what do you expect to do with
sheep-shears?"
''Heafens! 1 doan' think of dot"
gasped Mr.. Dunder as he grew white in
the face.
"Any thing else?"
"Vhell, get my life insured. Idoan'
belief l vhas sheated bv dot. A feller
comes along und says vhas l Carl Dur
der? vhas. Vhell, der President of
der United States says he likes me to
call on you and insure your life. Dis
vhas new company und a new idea. l
let you in by der ground floor. l like
your name to influence odder people.
How vhas dot new idea?
'You pay only two dollars eafery
twenty years, and if ycu die your wife
gets $4,000. 1t vhas der biggest thing
out. Shildrens cry for it. Vanderbilt.
Shay Gould, Russell Sage und all der
big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you
vhas-who vhas your grandmother-how
many teeth have you lost oudt-vhas
you eafer bit by some dogs-did you eafer
own white horse-how often you fall
down stairs-do you ride on some hey
cles. und dis vhas der truth, der W lole
truth. und nothing but der truth
And he wanted the two dollars in ad-
vance?" queried the sergeant.
''Of course. Dot was to pay for
shwearing me-"
"Well, you are beaten again, Mr.. Dun
Ger. Insurance men don't do business
that way. Good day!''
How you mean?'
''You had better go home. Have yor
got tub in your house?"
''Of course"
ANY bran at the barn?"
"Yes.''
''Well, make the tub about half full
Of mash and then put your head to soak
for about forty-eight hours. When
through buy some No. sand-paper and
polish it down to the bone"
Sergeant, vhas / some greenhorns?"
"You are"
"Vhill eafer learn something's"
"Never."
Then, goodbye! / shan't try no
more. 1t vhas a queer country. und
nothing vhas der same two times alike.
When my body was brought in here
doan' make fun of it. Shust use it shent-
iy und say dot l did so well ash could"
Detroit Free Press.