Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1889-05-03
WIT AND HUMOR.


he can get a clew by sitting in draft.
-Binghdnton Republican.
1t isn't the lady that wears the most
/ diamonds who appears the most brill
| iant.-Y0nkers Statesman.
Cats can be classed among the con-
templative animals. At least they
news most of the nights.-Detr0it Free
| Press.
The great difficulty about common
sense is that it is so tremendously
scarce that 1t isn't common
| IrGUeLer.
The average size of an American
| family. according to statistics, is 4.13
! The fraction probably stands for the
| old man.-Ierre Haute Express.
The Colonel-D'you know anything
Noble lord, NJ. P, etc.-Nothing-
except that I'm director.-Fun.
American girls Carbohydrates. l
have a chance to marry a title Wise
father-Humph! l think, my dear, it
will be cheaper to buy one-PhttGdetplta
Record.
An Albany man says he had an
uncle once who became frightened at
| the peel of banana, fell into peach
| pit, and broke his word.-ALbany
| Journal.
Hobbs--Don't you think Quobbs
quite promising writer? Blobbs-l
should say so. Every time he sends
me letter he promises to pay
| Detroit Free Press.
If you must wear sackcloth see that
| it is becomingly made up. If you are
to be sprinkled with ashes select the
ashes of roses for a sprinkling.-Ne10
Orleans Picayune.
Mrs Willer-They say an English
man considers his wife about on a level
with his dog. Mrs. Biller-I wish l
| had married an Englishman.-Ierre
| Haute ErpresS.
.'In the hands of men entirely great
the pen is mighter than the sword
| 1t is the same way with a parasol in
| the hands of a woman. 1t will stop
horse-car.-NeW Orleans Picayune.
The proposed plan to have all physi-
| clans put in uniform will not meet
with popular favor. The brass but
| tons would shine out too conspicuous
ly in the bill.-Jourmat Of Education.
What doth it profit man to get
modern society novel for 25 cents, if
he has to buy an unabridged dictiona-
| ry and an encyclopedia before he can
understand itP--tShoe and Leather Re
| porter.
Easterner-I understand the great
land boom at Dugout City has col
lapsed. Westerner - Yes; no use
keepin' it goin' any longer. All the
land now is owned by outsiders.-NeoO
York Weekly.
Mrs. Topploft-Do you ever have
any trouble in getting money from
YOUR husbandP Mrs Oieboy-None in
| the least. | accuse him every once in
a while of talking in his sleep.-Ierre
| Huute Express.
Ticket agent Cat railroad station)-
l wish some way could be invented to
! keep men away from the ladies' win
dow. Bystander-Easy enough. Put
| the sign. For Ladies Only" on the
other window.-Nea0 Ycrk Weekly.
Winks-Has your wife a cheerful
| disposition? Nlinks-O, yes; very
cheerful. Last night when was dane
| ing around the room on one foot, after
having stepped on a tack, she laughed
| till her sides ached. - PHILADELPHIA
| Record.
well, Schulze, what became of the
| libel suit of the Sheriff against your
son?' He had to pay 800 marks fine"
you think that great deal?' You
| should have heard what he said about
| him! 1t was worth the money. =
| FTlegeiede Biutter.
Fitzjones Did you 60 to the theatre
last evening, Percy? De Brown-No,
/ | attended a sleight of-hand perform
ance. itzjones-Wheres De Brown
i went to call on Miss LIE Smythe
and offered my hand, but she sighted
it.-B0St0n Beacon.
Proofreader-Isn'tt there mistake
in this sentence: Connecticut manu-
featured larger quantity of tobacco
than usual last year,? Shouldn't it be
raised larger quantityP Editor
| No; | used the word manufactured adj
visedly .-B0StOnT Transcript.
Washington people must be suspi-
cious and doubling in their attitude
toward strangers. Every body who
| goes up there seems obliged to carry
along pocketful of written recon-
mendations and certificates OF charac-
ter.-Ne10 Orleans Picdy1tpe.
First sweet giro, did you hear the
news? Mr.. Nicefellow, who is en-
gagged to Clara We're de We're, Rugged
| her so hard last night that he broke
one of her ribs. Second sweet girl
Just my luck. l might have had him
Observation-Disclosures Record.
Bjenbins-How are you getting on
with your new typewriter. Bjones?
Bjones-First rate, old man, thank you,
first rate. Why, I've only been practi-
cling month now and L can write
letter nearly half as fast on the ma
chine as | can with a pen.-!S0naerUtiLe
! Journal.
She (softly)-I shall never forget
this highland the ball. He GENDER
ly)-Tell me why. She-And the last
waltz He-You delight me! She
And you! He-You entrance me!
Then l have impressed you? She
| (more softly than ever)-Yes, you've
about smashed two of my toes.-Bost0n
| Beacon.
| Miss Ranter Ca celebrated amateur)
%, by the way, Jack, you've never
told me how you liked our theatricals
last Friday. Jack Cher cousin)-
| Well, it seemed to me that the play
had decidedly too many acts in it.
Miss R.-Why, what do you mean? 1t
had only one act. Jack-Exactly.-
Boston Beacon.
Wife Ito husband who has been out
between the acts)-"Did you see the
man, JohnP" Husband-"O, yes,
| (hic) saw him." Wife-'.Is he nice
man?n Husband-''Nice man! Ger
tainly; why do you ask that?' Wife
20, nothing, it simply occurred to me
that you must have been talking to
hard drinker. "-Epoch.
Jinks-I understand Mr.. Minks OBJ
! jects tiercely to your engagv ment with
his daughter. Young Winks-Huh!
don't care whether he objects or not.
| Fathers don't amount to much now
adays- Jinks "a year or so later)-If
| you can't afford such extravaganza
why don't you tell your wife so? Young
! Winks - No use. Husbands don't
amount to much nowadays.
Dennis-Did yez hear of Mulroy?
He whit East We know about two years
/ since. and it's now l hear that he got
! himself elected City Treasurer and