davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
4 Woman's Wit.

Not q thousand miles from Boston dwells
man who has recently wed Il third spouse It
was the somewhat eccentric wGim of tie sec
ond wife to have picture painted waerein
she and the first wife were represented as
standing together with their arms ent wined
about each others waist When the third
wife came into power. she WAS at first some
what puzzled to know what To- DO with this
extraordinary production Of combined alfec-
ton and art. With genuine wo.nans wit,
however, she hit upon the idea of having the
piece worked over, and with what result may
be judged from a conversation in regard to
the picture which took place between the
bride and one of her wedding callers The
visitor inquired if the picture represented
relatives of the family
mo, not rclativeS' the then wife replied
II believe the originals were distant cOnrec-
tions of my husband, but the picture repre-
sents Faith and Resignation 1t is thought
that the figure of Faith resembles former
friend of MIR Smith. tut | cannot tell, as I
never saw her "-Baston Transcript
Merely Paternal Pride.
When Col. Evergreen came down town the
other morning several Of his teeth were miss
ing, his eyes We're of blue black and hisnoSe
looked Disconnected and uncomfortable.
Still he wore a beaming smile.
Colonel" remarked a friend, What are
you grinning about with your face pounded
up like thatF'
The fact is" responded the colonel, feel
ir2ly, IL have always believed that my son
Henry would never amount to anything. he
grew impudent this morning and | endeav-
orcd to correct him with an old fence rail
To my surprise and delight he sailed into me
and licked me all around the barn and across
a ten acre field | tell you he has in him the
qualities of one of natures noblemen. Lin
coin Journal.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Recommended 1t.

Two men, seated together on railway
train, fell into pleasant conversation.
Speaking about books" said one of the
men, a tail fellow with red hair, "have you
read that wonderful novel, 'Sedge Grass
Ranchr"
"No: is it good?"
Finest thing l ever read in my life"
"Indeed!"
Yes, sir one of the finest things in the
English language"
That's saying great deal for an Ameri
can novel"
Yes, but am justified, by the excellence
of the book, in making the assertion; and, as
you are reading man, would advise you &c
buy it as soon as possible. Only cost you
fifty cents. The train boy has the book,
think. Well, must get off here. Good-by.'
"Good-by. Say addressing the conductor),
who is that red headed MANI"
Il don't know his name," the conductor re-
Piled. He is the author of book called
'Sedge Grass Ranch. '"-Arkansas Traveller
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
AFTER A ClEW.

Methods of the Modern Detective Illus
trated by a Small Incident.
IN follow him to the ends of the earthl
He shall not escape mel"
The tall, powerfully built man, attired in
suit Of dark blue, who Kissed these words
through his set teeth, stood in the shadow of
a one story coal house in a dark, noisome,
Philadelphia-like alley, and watched with
widely staring eyes figure moving slowly
along down the Hong Kong district Of Clark
street.
The watcher was wide awake, and the sa-
looms had not yet closed for the night.
1t was evident he was not policeman.
Emerging from the alley he followed
stealthily the object of his pursuit like a
sleuth hound on track of its prey. Moving
along in the shadow of the buildings and
halting now and then, but never relaxing for
one instant his eager watchfulness, he kept
his man in sight for nearly an hour.
Down Clark to Harrison, west on Harrison
to the river across the bridge to Canal, up
Canal to Monroe, and westward on that
street for many and many a weary block
moved this singular-or rather plural-pro-
cession.
He little thinks he is followed" muttered
the relentless pursuer. "I'll shadow him to
his lair now if it takes till the next centen-
mali"
At last the man whom he was following
halted at a modest dwelling, opened the gate
that afforded entrance to the little yard in
front, and as he turned to close it his face,
plainly visible in the glare of a street lamp
close by, was for one brief moment exposed
to the hawk-like gaze of the mysterious pur-
suer in the dark blue suit, who had crouched
in the shadow of friendly Indian cigar sign
across the way. The next instant he had
disappeared within the house.
With a smothered cry of exultation the
eager watcher took out q note book and pencil
and jotted down a memorandum. His fingers
trembled with excitement.
Il saw his facet" he said in a hysterical
whisper Il was not mistaken. And now l
have his street and number At last am on
tie trail If be finds out anything about that
mysterious disappearance I'll know just
where he goes TO get it. Hal At last! At
last,
He was u high priced detective shadowing
q SIS a week newspaper reporter to see if he
could find some clew to the latest mystery
that was Ioaiing the entire force.-DetToit
Free Press
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
The Truth of the NInfter.

Caca pleasure loving Teuton put his Sunday go
- - silt on, and he started for froiic in
the much neglected ZOO.
Gael wiki s2eechless satisfaction upon every
r,,,'' attraction, and he wondered when twas
over what he next had better Go
G.i lis moments indecsion was arrested by a
vision, and at once the other creatures
seemed comparatively crude
I.-ls tl.t gratis exhibition of corCeit and mani
ia. That from poverty of language we are
forced L" call Dude"
2;.1 tie Teo12@. unacquainted with the genius,
nearly tainted, could that be q human being
- unusually shaped?
Iii hr yelled, the seven sleepers must have
oi.n,d up their peppers Got ia Limmel,
veres der keeper for der mong5ey half es-
g71et philadelphia Press
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
4 Tragedy.

The vigilantes had just captured a noted
gambler, and, leading him to a convenient
tree, were about to string him up.
The Victim (despairinglyl-Pity me for my
mothers gray hair.
They bind him hand and foot.l
The Victim Observation-Disclosures thou
sand dollars if you spare my life!
THEY fit the moose about his neck.l
The Victim tearnestly)-The title to the
richest gold mine in the west!
[Thcy seize the rope and prepare to haul
him up.I
The Victim tconfdently)-Say, boys, let
me OF, and III show you how to hold four
aces every time!
The Vigilantes in chorus)-Unbind him
for his mothers sake-pity-too bad to hang
such thorough gentleman.
THEY lineel before the gambler.
Tableau. Yale Record.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
The Rascal Promptly RESPONDED.

Up in a certain town the grocers under
stand all the little tricks of the trade. L
gentleman bought six pounds Of sugar, and
found it sadly adulterated with sand. The
next day notice was posted reading thus:
"NoTICE-I bought six pounds of sugar Of
a grocer in this village. From it have taken
one pound Of sand. If the rascal will send
me six pounds Of sugar will expose him"
The next day five six pound packages OF
sugar were left at the gentlcnan's residence,
there being just five grocers in the village
Boston Record.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Pacanini's Grave.

In the Mediterranean, not far from the
town of Cannes, lies St FerreOl, a naked
rock, bristling with stony spines and points,
and evidently bidding defiance to any one
who would dare seek a foothold a little
earth has accumulated in its hollows, and
affords nourishment to beautiful lilies and
blue iris Here for five years lay the body Of
Paganini, the great musician.
In lS40he was on his way home to Genoa, ac-
companied by his son, and died at Nice, where
the cholera was raging. The son Immediately
took his body on board ship and set sail for
Genoa, but on his arrival there the authori
ties refused to give burial to the musician,
whose well known peculiarities had given
rise to general belief in his insanity
Moreover, the cholera was also raging at
Genoa, and it was pretended that the pres
ence Of the body of one who had died where
the disease was prevalent might increase the
alarm of the people.
The son then returned to Marseilles but
entrance to that port was refused him for the
same reason, and he went on to Cannes,
which was also closed 10 him. His plight
was desperate one, AMI wien he at last
CHANGED to sight St Fcrrcol, Il new thought
suggested itself He effected n landing there,
with the greatest difficulty. md buried his
fathers body in the center Of the iSlet
In lS4j the Loly was removed, and taken
TO Genoa for burial One can scarcely help
feeling, however, that the lonely isle, almost
overwhelmed 10y pillows, was l. more appro-
pirate resting place for one who had never
been akin to serenity Youths Companion.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
His complexlon Was Against Him.

Hadji Hassein Ghoolv Khan, envoy extra
ordinary and minister plenipotentiary from
Persia is one cf the lavOrites in Washington
society, and he is very fond of going out and
calling on the ladies, and is always most hos
pitably received wherever he goes. That is,
almost always for an experience he had last
Sunday afternoon proved that he was not as
cordially received at one house as has been
his won't in the past Ghooly Khan started
out with the purpose of making a round of
calls 1t is his custom TO pay his respects to
the ladies of the fashionable world on Sunday
the same as on week days. Sunday being an
extremely pleasant day, his landau was not
brought into use He walked from his resi-
dence on NJ street to Massachusetts, avenue,
in the neighborhood of Fourteenth street,
where the objects of his first call resided.
Walking up the stone steps in an indolent
fashion, he reached the door and rather tim
idly touched the electric BELL After linger-
ing some moments the servant appeared, and
before Ghooly Khan could utter a word she
shouted out The ladies are all busy and
cannot be bothered with you now"
well" said the minister, completely nom
plused, there must be mistake; take in my
card"
Ou' oOh "Oiiy uO"' duo"eieu
the servant, not allowing him to finish his
sentence. They are all about going to din
ner and don't care for any one to see them at
this time-youd better come again in. the
morning: and the side door is always the
handiest place for such as yez to call"
The minister waited for no more The re-
buff he had received at the hands of the un-
ruly servant completely para!yzed him. He
made no more calls that day, and had about
concluded that he had had sufficient dose Of
American society.
The ladies of the house soon learned of the
horrible manner in which their distin-
guished caller had been received, and they
at once made heroic and happily successful
efforts to have the affair settled on basis
satisfactory not only to themselves but to
the distinguished envoy from Teheran.-New
York Tribune.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
A Woman's Discovery.

Another wonderful discovery has been
made and that too 10y a lady in this county
Disease fastened its clutches upon her and for
seven years she withstoOd its severest tests
but her vital organs were undermined and
death seemed imminent. For three months
she eOughed necessarily and could not sleep.
She bought of us a bottle of DR.. Kings New
Discovery for Consumption and was so much
relieved on taking first dose that she slept all
night and with one bottle has been miracu-
lousy cured Her name is Mrs. Luther Lutz."
Thus write W. c. Hamrick Il Co., of Shelby,
Meet a free trial bottle at Dreiss. ThOmp.
son & Co.'S C2-3.lS II
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
lie KNOW Unnlan Nature.

Smith-I'm going to give up smoking.
Jones-Do you smoke cigars or pipe?
S.-A pipe
J.-Ieerschaum?
S.-Ncs
J.-WE2t are you going to do with yoHl
riGc'
S.-I an going to break it and throw my
tobacco away.
J.-I'il tell you better plan than that. Lei
NO have your pipe and tobacco and I'll re
turn tel to you next week when you start
smoking again. Courier.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
A Hopeless Task.

Now, sir" said the judge, who had been
sorely tried by the stupidity of the preceding
witness, 81 want you to give your testimony
so that the jury can form an intelligent idea
of the matter, or will commit you for con-
tempt" The witness looked earnestly upon
the jury and then shook his head despairing-
ly as he arose and left the box. 'Send mo
to Jail, jedge," he said, resignedly, "there'S
no use wastin' time here" He was excused
Poh
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Behind the Scenes.

Manager of Fake Show-Wen, what's tn.
matter now, John!
Property Man-Everything's gone wrong
The crocodile says he'll light cat if YOU dom
pay him his last weeks salary: tie bearc.e
woman wants plug of tobacco, ami he's IL,
because | won't lend him a dime u get
with; and the fasting girl SAYS shed rattle,
fast than eat the STEAK the butcher sent. -
Yankee Blade.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
A Special BARGAIN.

For SALE: An eight room rock
house with eight lots; fronting l6O
varas on one of the principal streets
in San Antonio, convenient to street
car line. Price $4,000; terms easy. This
is rare bargain and must be sold
quick, as the owner will not keep this
property on the market long.
If HAMBLETON, HADLEY & Co.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
She Knew Her Place.

Omaha Housewife-Now, Bridget, want
to be real kind to you and treat you like one
of the family, but want you to remember
your place. Don't try to do as | and my
daughters do.
Bridget-No, indade, mum! never had
much bringin' up, but I've too much sinse
for that.-Omaha World
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
4 Ely Youth.

Fond Parent tsternlyl-More money! I tel
YOU, s:y. did not dare ask my father fol
MONEY when l was your age.
Fly Youth know the reason of that.
i. P-You do: And what was the reason,
pray!
+. Your father was not so kind and
generous hearted as mine is.
:. P.-Well, | suppose must let you have
4 L1tir, jack; but so easy, my boy, go easy.
-C&5tou COuri2r.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Needed No sympathy.

81 am truly sorry, Johnny" said the friend
of the family, meeting the little boy on the
street, ito learn that your fathers house
was burned down yesterday, Was nothing
savedP'
Don't you waste no grief on me-" replied
Johnny. "All of paws old clothes was
burned up in that fire, and nav can't make
any of 'em over for me this time. Tum-tid-
dle-lum-tum whoop-de-doodle-doom Chicago
Tribune
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
A Summer Arrangement.

Jones-So you and Katie have fallen out
Can't you make up with her!
Brown-Not till the ice cream season i
past. I've no money to waste on that lu:sur.'
so turn my cold shoulder toward her during
the summer 1t is the best | can afford to
'!o.-Omaha World
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
4 Bad Place to Go,

Il think, Algernon, III g to Florida for
my health"
your health, Miranda Why, bless my
soul, the whole states full of invalidS" DE
troit Free Press
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Its Excellent Qualities

Commend to public approval the Cali
fornIa liquid fruit remedy Syrup of
Figs. 1t is pleasing to the eye, and to
the taste and by gently acting on the
kidneys, liver and bowels, it cleauses
the system effectually, thereby pro-
noting the health and comfort of all
who use it. 1l
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
No Interruption Intended.

Little Chariio, whose grandfather is Bap-
fist minister, took dinner at the parsonage
tle Other day. He lived at a hotel, and before
his venerable grandparent began the blessing
Charlie had begun eating voraciously "Oh!
don't mind me, grandpa" he remarked be-
tween mouthfuls, when the latt r remon-
strated, go right on with your blessing. ~
Philadelphia Press.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
The Reason WHY.

Jinks-I called at your boarding house to
day and saw the table nearly set for dinner,
and l must say things looked very neat.
never saw whittier tablecloth in my life.
Blinks-No, she doesn't make her tea coffee
or soups strong enough to stain.-New York
Weekly
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
At 1850 T.. NJ.

He-Why that menacing motion with the
fan, Miss Sweetlips' You made me start
She-That is just what wanted to do
Burlington Free Press.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Cheap RefriseratinS.

Ice Dea!er-Shall leave ice for you this
season, as usual, Mr.. K!
Mr.. K.-No; | have been neglecting my
social duties lately, and shall be able to get
through the summer without ice, think
BURLINGTON Free Press.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Easily Fixed.

Waiter-Ahem, sir, you have forgotten to
alb
Broler-Oh, yes. your tip. 1 had forgot
ter. Buy A. H. and Q. preferred at IS and
sell at 40.-Exchange.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Ia! Ia!

Spring Poet Chanding a roll of paper to the
editorl-There, sir, think there's some stuff
in that poem.
Editor glancing at it)-There Is, indeed,
my boy It's all stuff. Good morning.
Time
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
But Probably Loss.

Namby-l just lent ten dollars to Pcr25y.
wish you would make an item of it, Mr.
Bookkeeper.
Bookkeeper-Shall debit it to cash.
II guess you don't know Panty very well
Put it in the profit and loss account. yam
kee Blade
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
just Sudden Enough

Fond Lover after a long delayed proposaD
Perhaps I've been too sudden, darling.
Darling Girl Cregaining her composure with
a mighty effort>-Yes, George, it is very,
very sudden, but-tand here she became
faint again)-it is not too suddeu.-Texas
SiftinrS
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
A Nuisance.

One Of the worst of nuisances is
The chap who's up at early dawn
Making the lawn mower ziziziziz,
Rasping the whiskers off the lawn
The hateful whir
OF the fierce machine,
The buzz and the burr
Excite the spleen
OF the man whose sleep
Is driven away,
And with curses deep
He begins the day.
But the lawn mower chap
His ardor whetS,
And he's never so hap
Ply as when he gets
Up close to the room
Where his neighbor lies
In the morning gloom,
With staring eyes,
And twists and turns,
Till, half insane,
At last he learns
'Tis all in vain.
He cannot sleep,
All hope is dead,
And with a leap
He bounds from bed
On
One Of TIE worst Of nuisances is
The chap who's up at early dawn
Making the lawn mower ziziziziz,
Rasping the whiskers Of the lawn.
--SOmeUviue JOurua
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
4 COMPROMISE,

Grandpa-Tommy, if you are real good III
give you some apples.
Tommy-Let me be little bad, grandpa,
and only give me one.-GerlnaH Joke
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Pictures anG Pictures.

>Bloodgood-Miss Bangs is as pretty as a
picture.
Travis who is net an admirer Of Miss Bangs,
Yes, pretty as a wood cut.-Burlington
Free Press
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04

Father shouting down stairs in an angry
vocabulary
Mary who is with her beau who has been
waiting on her for about three years)-Yes,
sir.
Els Mr.. Slowcoach there9
M.-Yes, sir.
Els he proposing to you that he is stay
ing so latel
NJ. Ito Mr.. Slowcoach in frightened whis-
per)-Ohl what shall sayl
Mr., S. trembling in his boots Say yes
NJ. to her father)-Yes, papa.
F.-All right, all right; excuse me. Tell
him he can have you Bless you both, my
children. He needn't hurry away.-Boston
Courier
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
The Inyariable Rule.

The first impulse of a boy with a new
watch Is to assure himself that none of its IT'S
parts are missing. Weekly.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
At IA Non-Kissabie Age.

Her Father-Gracie, you don't kiss us all
ro;:::.I v'!!:e:I you bid US good night nowadays.
C"aci, CsEeepishly)-I'm too old for that
now, papa.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
A Night of Terror.

Miss Debut-Do you know, Mr.. Reimer,
dreamed last night that l was reading your
poetry'
Mr.. Reimer-Indeed! you fatter me highly,
I am sure
Miss Debut don't know about that; l re-
member that tried with all my might to
wake up and couldnt.-Once Week.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Didn't Care to See II,

Artist-Now, you must not go until you
have seen my best work wish to sLow yOu
a picture that was exhibited in the last Pari>
salon.
Miss Porcine (of Chicagol-ExcuSe me, EIr
Atelier, but don't care to examine any 81.
loon pictures today.-Judge.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04

Try Pancoast g. Son
If you have your clOthingSs made
They carry full line of imported
suitings to select from. 3-23-tf
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04
Nnl~lNlOr'.

Neighbours Boy-Weil must run home
nov, oracle Say. Oracle, mayn't kiss you
63od Eiy4t'
Oracle ,bIushingly)--O dear, no! I'm not
old enough for that, Willie. Chicago Trib-
UNn
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04

To remove pair+Sit on it.-PortsruoutL
TiWe&
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04

" SCHUCHARD, DRUGGIST,
San Pedro and Acequia Streets
Drugs, Chemicals, Medicines. Toilet Articles
Soaps, Chamois Skins, Sponges, Brushes Per
fumery, etc. Physicians prescriptions care
fully COMPOUNDED. 4 81
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04

Caller-Isn't Sub-Rosa a rather peculiar
name for servant, Mrs. Lightfoot'
Mrs. Lightfoot-Yes; her name is Rosa,
and we've added the prefix.
Caler-Oh, see, because you are all under
the Rose. Life
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04

"A new saloon has been opened at
No, sos and GlO West Commerce
street, by Messrs. Schnicker q Co.,
proprietors. "Progressn is their mot
TO, and reform in the price of all
drinks. Call and be convinced. ct
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-04

AT A. Kann you will find a full
line of all silk surah at 50 cents yard.