The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-05-08
HUMOR Of THE DAY.

A long tramp-The sixfoot beggar
On schoolship even the ropes are
taut.
The boy who stole the syrup did so
syrup-titiously.
Motto of the ashmen-Come down
with the dust.
A spark of love-The diamond in the
engagement ring.
The Maid of Orleans was evidently
made of grit too.
Dressmakers are of necessity people OF
much bias. Merchant T'rageler.
Parnell Is undoubtedly a long way
ahead of the "Times. Sytings.
The Salt Trust is the freshest monopoly.
1t should be put into the brine
Phaadelphia Press.
"Pay as you CO." is good rule, but
if you have no baggage the hotel-keeper
insists that you shall pay as You arrive.
Peddler-"Can | see the lady of the
house, please" Bridget as it the
misthress you warrant or meself. ."-Nelo
York. Sun.
"Did they receive you warmlyl"
"Did they? Well, rather. They made
it so hot l left on the next train. Here
is souvenir feather. "-HyYer's Ba:ar.
Housekeeper-'T regret to say, sir,
Rich Old Party" "Thunderationl Then
we shan't have any dinner. "-Lo,ceh
Citizen.
A Georgia man committed forgery be-
cause starvation stared HIN In the face,
and then starved himself because the
forgery stared him in the face.-Hu
HSO (hdn.) Ne'os.
"Captain," she said, looking up at him
archly, "why does it look as if you had
been twice married I" Don't know, Miss
Bangs, why" because you've a second
mate on board. - OceaR.
Miss Belle Sally, they
used to tell me when l was a little girl
that if did not let coffee alone it would
make me foolish" Sally (who owes her
one)-"Well, why didn't you"-LJe.
"Pa," asked the small boy, "what is
a heroine?" "Your mother is a heroine,
replied the parent. ''How heroine"
'Why, she married your father when his
income was only $500 year, and she
knew it.n
81 understand" said Cora, "that you
were greatly deceived in Mr.. Pentwea-
zel?" "Nes, my dear" returned Miss
Snyder. at seemed never believed
him except when he told an untruth. -
HayPer'S Ba ar.
Question, the meaning of ''Nihilist"-
Teacher writing word on board, and
covering up the termination) n)-"What
does that mean" Pupil-"Nothing
OH 1t must mean man who doesn't
know anything"
"What, man, you are going to let
your son serve his year in the infantry
and not in the cavalryw al have only
one son, my Isaac. 10 you think l can
trust his life TO an unreasoning animalP
FlieQo1de Bldtter.
"Excuse me, Mr.. Brown" said the
haberdasher, "but this is a quarter neck
tic you have selected. You always wear
81 one.' That's all right, old boy"
he returned with Il wink My wife has
just started making crazy quilt"
There is nothing in the world that
succeeds like energy. For instance, II
Boston man sneeled SO hard the other
day that he disloCated his shoulder, and
he is now drawing S25 per week acci
denN insurance. Burlja9toa Free Press,
The cats, dogs, and poll parrots OF
England having been properly provided
for, u hospital for fish has been estab-
lished. Fish are much exposed TO
dampuess, and pulmonary diseases would
naturally be most common. -Dstrot
Fref ireSe.
Oh, mother, mix the buckwheat cakes
Aud beat the buhbling batter,
Then let b. fan in'ilopping flakes
To slowly spread aud spatter,
But don't forget the whole art lies
In letting each cake run
TIL tnged like tawny, storm wepU skies
The deepest shade of dun.
-NcU lorE sun.
Here is Oscar Wilde's latest. lie
chauced to call on lady who had Just
purchased auumber of Japanese screens,
which were standing in artistic disorder
i'm her drawing-room. "Aou have come
lust in time, sir. Wilde, she said, ''and
can arrange my screens for me But
Oscar replied "Oh, don't arrange
them; lotthem occur"