The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1889-07-06
MAN ABOUT TOWN.

| IN NO. motel,
Where the butter ran like gravy,
And It was hot as-well,
Have you waited In Impotence
For the walter In his coat?
Have you ordered lamb, then he said
Hain't got no lamb-take goat"
Have you ever gone to market,
With your menu fixed just so,
And your stomach set to fit it,
With your thoughts in tranquil flow?
Yes, you've walked up the grocer,
And asked for duck and snipe,
And of course he's told you blandly-
"All we've got is pork and tripe!"
Yes, you have gone to convention,
When you were green and new,
When you pictured In your own mind
Hotels many and guests few
Then they put you on the top floor,
In a cot along the wall,
Near darkly yawning stairway
'"Quid pro quo"-that is all.
w
He received prescription from local
physician the other day, and when about
to take 1t noticed this injunction on the
label
TAKE IN A VEHICLE!
Grasping the bottle firmly In his right
hand, he started for the drug store, and
opened on the inoffensive clerk, as he
reached the door:
"Say, you liver colored son OF piz IN
compiler, what In thunder do you take me
for, anyhow! DO you suppose my mouth
Is the gate of race course and my stom-
ach the judges stand? Dye think l can
afford to invest my surplus cash In hand
painted vehicles in order to imbibe this
here medicine? Mebbe Pm from North
Vile, mebbe l wear store clothes, mebbe
I've got hay seed in my hair, but, young
man, l amt no jay, and you don't make nc
joke out of me! No, sir, and If you'll
come out here on the sidewalk I'll vehicle
you, you bet! I'll take the stuff In water
waters good enough for me-
~.
what is that?"
"That is lawn, my dear"
"What Is 1t good for?"
THAT my dear, is an amateur gymna'
stun. If 1t wasn't for that chunk of earth
and sod the hired man would die of eapui
and your little brother would become a
museum curio. Why does 1t exist, Maud ?
Oh, to give the hardware man chance to
sell your father lawn mowers aud hose To
allow the artesian we'll man and the plum b.
er to see your pa on pay day.
"Why can't you play on it,"
al isn't piano, Maud, it's lawn-you
see the sign, Keep Of the Grass" If you
put on your specs"
"Can you eat it?"
"You are not a Illuminating animal,
Maud. No, 1t was not made to bleach
clothes on, Maud. No, there is no excuse
for It's being here, Maud. You can wor>
ship 1t, dear, II you want to, for there is
nothing In the heavens above, or the earth
beneath or the waters under the earth rhat
resembles It,"
made TO look at?"
"Yes, it's like plaster of Paris candy,
Maud, but don't look too hard at 1t, 1t may
wilt"
Leon Chew, late laundryman on one of
the down town streets, has shaken the fire
clay of this beautiful region from the
strands of his cue, and departed to his
native land. When last seen Leon was In
the act of boarding west bound train
with soft, bland smile on his beaming
countenance, and sixteen hundred dollars
In his overalls- He was frugal young
man, was Leon, and when he would be
come the possessor of penny he would
carefully stow i. away In the lining of his
long, ample blouse, and 60 away and earn
another penny. He would then put that
In the same place. Unlike the great
American washwoman. Leon lived plainly
and did not 60 TO the circus with his family
even when he was afforded an opportunity
of doing go. In this way, and by using an
economical brand of soap, he would see
the American washwoman and go her one
better every time. Now he has reached
the home of his childhood, where he may
hit the festive opium pipe and play the
seductive fan-tan In the quiet groves
while the music of the whangjung fills
the snoltang with Its full, rich chords
Along the banks of the Wishwhangyang he
may float In his bungalow whang, and
MARBLE the wow-chug-wong to his chelong.
nah as the evening zephyrs kiss the dew
drops from her alabaster shoulders. In
the whong- mong jug he may soak his