The Forrest City times., 1889-12-28
TALK OF THE DAY.

requisite information, run for office.
 X lively minister says there is less hope for lazy man than for any other living creature
 It is natural that in times of excite is the top of his body.
 One reason why ..a fat man doesn't catch cold as easily as lean man, is because he Is so much wrapped up in himself.
 Natural-"Tnis coffee is very mud dy this morning." ''Yes, dear. but you must remember how upset things are Tn Brazil"
 A venerable sinner-Venus -"How steadily the earth jogs along" Mars Yes, but just look Ut the moon-full as goat P
 She Cat the piano) Listen! How do you enjoy this refrain9" He Very much! The more refrain the better like 1t"
 It Belonged to him. Barber (to granger) Your head is very dirty, sir. Granger none of your darn business if it is"
 An Appropriate Name. Jones Say. Browne. why do you call your eldest boy Telephonep" Browne -"Be- cause he never works.
 Professional beat (to hotel proprie- tor) ''ls there any danger of fire herc?" Proprietor Not if you settle for your board in advance.
 For short Miss Beacon Hill--"What is your brothers name?" Miss Wa bash ''Lucullus Swinburne Hobbs, but we call him Gully for short.
 Caught it at last First boy Gin sur prisc) -"Why, heard you ran off to join circus. Didn't you catch it?n Second boy-"Not till l got back home.m
 Examiner Gan you give an in- stance of person melting another to perjury?N Candidate -"Yes; when the court asks female witness how old she is.n
 Footpad - Hold up yer haudsln Pedestrian (calmly1 --"I have been out shopping all day with my wife, Foot pad (sympathetieally) By Jinks. Here, take this quarter"
 An Awful Possibility Keziah Well. Kitty, so you re to be mar ried." Kitty -"Yes. aunt, Providence permitting; but wouldn't it be awful If that dress shouldn't come?'
 Young wifc-"A horrid rat ate one of those lovely oanaries my husband got me. and that's why I got eat V Matron ''WellP" Young wife-.'And then the cat ato the other"
 Do you remember that awful smart boy you used to have in your office Johnny Smith?" "Oh, yes. How did ho come outoN ''He hasn't come out. He got twenty years in Sing Sing"
 A Little Natter My goodnoss." said she That's hardly worth mentioning" said her spiteful neigh bor in her spiteful way. And now they never speak as they pass by
 Mrs. Newed My dear. what would you think of having mother to dine with us on Thursdaym Mr. Newed-- ''Oh. l guess l wouldn't; not on Thurs day anyway that's Thanksgiving. you know"
 The fife oi lease She And now that we arc engaged, John. dear how long shall tho engagement bc foren He ian abscnt- minded lawyer who has just drawn up railroad Iease) -''Oh, ninety y-niuo years s'pose. /"
 Lady of the house -"No. make 1t a principle never to give away money at the door. Tramp-"Very well, madame. if you have any feeling about it am perfectly willing that you shoud hand 1t 10 mo out Of the window.
 The boys will soon be meu. Teddy m be n man before ever you wifi. feel my whlskers a.sproutin' already" Tommy .pshawl that's 'lectured mo captain of the bail nine.
 She got herself wedged in tho door way, and kept a score Of people wait ing Just like a woman." muttered u male growler "Yes,n replied the woman sweetly; ''of course you do. What pity the sentiment isn't return edr'
 Paradoxical -- Ethel --"Papa. why did you invite that undertaken here?n Papa Whom do you refer to. my dearp" "Ethel-ssfhat solemn look. ing man talking with mamma" Papa Why, that's squibs. tho professional humorist"
 When you see girl pasting scrap book full Of cooking recipes out of tho weekly papers you know pretty we'll that some young man is in position to be congratulated. and yet when you think of the recipes you feel rather sorry for him, too.
 Water In the Snako River has been so low this season that settlers havo bitterly complained of tho dust raised by the salmon going up stream. They threaten to ask for an appropriation to sprinkle tho river next year if tho nuisance is repeated.
 Son of U Gum. Teacher ito new scholar) - What is your name, son. nyP" Boy 'Gunnn Give me your full name" John c. Gunu.n w hat Is the G. for2" ''Getyer" What do you mean by that?n Well. all the boys call me Johnny Getyer Gum. : anyhow
 Close Call. May Charlie, you must be careful aud not expose your solf. You were out In the rain last nightn Charlie No. wasn't What made you think so?r May-Why. papa came homo and said he met you com ing from the lodge, and that you were thoroughly soaked.
 Chicago girl-.'Dh. auntle, we've just been out shooting ut the target. Great sport. toll you Boston girl -"ies, indeed l fully coincide with Belinda, although the diversion Is somewhat arduous. succeeded in perforating the bovine optic three times in succession"
 He Followed Instruction. Trate wife -~''John Hawkins. you were brought home on a shutter again last night want you to understand that this Is to be- tho last time" John Hawkins Yes. Matilda" The next evening he made tho boys promise to take him home in n wheelbarrow. as his wife objected to shutters.
 A rather amusing incident occurred during the Yale game. One of our rushers had been kicked in the head bv u Nalg nlnva.. ss ha tay ..., t3...