The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1889-09-13
HUMOR

HUMOR.
HuERs Of Wood-House painters.
A DARK Secret-a kiss in the tunnel.
IT is not the face Of . check which we
admire 90 much - its figures.
The scissors-grinder il the only man
who invariably finds things dull.
WHEN the Father Of his Country got
married was Martha warranted to
Wash?
PAr1ENr-Doctor, how do you pro
nounce ~apoplexy? Doctor-Well, usu-
ally fatal.
sFALsE WON'T cried the young man
who bet that his girls teeth we're her
own aud lost.
JoHN-You look down in the mouth,
old fellow: what's the matter? Jack
Down in the pocket.
WHEN pa gets to burning natural gas
In the parlor, she will have to be very
icautious with her flame.
The near-sighted hen that swallowed
. bee was not long in concluding that
hers was q peck of trouble.
How Is it you have SO few deaths on
your hands, doctor?" sThat's easy
enough. When I find I have q bad
case order the patient to take q trip
abroad.
A sEwING-MAcH1NE agent falling i'll
was told by his physician that he must
prepare to pay the debt of nature. aOn
the installment plan?" whispered the
agent feebly.
HuBBY-What kind of stuff do you
call this? Wife-Why, my dear, that
is angel cake. Hubby-Umph! I sup.
pose it must lie. know it was neve
meant for a mortal.
PosEYB& (sneeringly)-So you have
gone and got engaged to that old Dollar
grab? I suppose he Is worth million
Miss de Smith (contemptuously)-Yes
Of such as you are.
THERE are 200, 600 models in the
United States Patent Office, illustrating
almost every conceivable phase Of hui
man ingenuity, but the model husband
yet remains to be invented.
BUFFALO! Buffalo!n shouted the
brakeman looking in the car door as the
train reached that city. @Hy, by Jove.'
exclaimed the excited tourist, @My CUR
is in the luggage-room, you know"
AT the Club-Old Muggins (who ha.
married q young beauty, and has no.
yet tired of Boosting about it)-Didy or
ever see my wife, Buggins? Young
Buggins-Lord, yes! I'm engaged t.
her-when You die.
REV. PRIMRosE-You're a good boy
my little fellow. I saw you take the fly
out of the basin of water. Such little
acts of humanity never escape my at
tention. Little Johnnie-I did it st
that I could pull his legs out.
MOURNING Youth-What are thos,
waterproof gloves for, Mr.. O'Patrick
Mr.. O'Patrick-Why. me jewel, SURE
and they're for the convenience of thil
folks Is wants to wash their hands with
out wetting their skin at all, at all!
SuNDAY-School Teacher-Are there
any questions that the class would Xix,
to ask? Little Tommy Tuttle-What
kind of lights did they have in the arl
at night? Little Johnny Sawhorse-l
know, teacher. They was arc-lights.
ALIVE YANKEE" being awakened b,
the captain of q Mississippi River steam
boat with the announcement that Ii
mustn't occupy his berth with his boot
on" replied: "Oh! the bugs won
hurt 'em much, I guess; they are an ole
PAIR"
THE'Rev Primrose-My dear sir, 70,
should give up publishing your pape
on Sunday. A man shouldn't ALLOW
himself to be hired by the devil in tina
way. Editor-Tut, tut. sir; you don
know what you are talking about. In
the man who hires the devil.
A GENTLEMAN who had lost his nos
was invited out to tea. "My dear" sal,
the kind-hearted lady of the house t
her little daughter, II want you to b
very careful to make no remark abou
Mr.. Jenkins nose" Gathered aroun,
the table, everything was going well
The child peeped about, looked rathe
puzzled for a long time, and at las
startled the table with: "Ma, why di,
you tell me to say nothing about NJ,
Jenkins nose? He hasn't got any,"
AN ENGINEER.s loNORAxcE.