Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1889-11-15
HUMOROUS.

Lawyer-"1 have my opinion OF
You" Citizen-''Well, you can keep
1t The last opinion / got I ON you
cost me $3.50 "-YonIxers Statesman.
PHOTOGRAPHER (who has been sum-
moned to photogrsp dying MANI
Nov, then, all ready! Wink all you
want to. and look pleasant Judge.
Through the efforts of a public
spirited Mr.. Bones, an Adirondack
lake Is to be stocked with trout. The
eternal fitness Of things would have
been better exemplified if Mr.. Bones
had devoted himself to shad.
First Coal Merchant-.'Sav, saw
a man In very moderate circumstances
walk into a coal Office to-day. order
two tons and plank down the cash."
Second Coal Magnate-''My graciousl
We must raise the price at once"
New England weather. City man
what effect have these heavy rains on
your farm, Mr.. Hayseed?" Mr. Hay
seed-''Well, I've kinder concluded I'd
try raisin' fish for the market instead
OF garden truck. Lowell Citizen.
Actor Ito friend) -"Didn' It it strike
you. Charley. that a large number of
the audience were considerably moved
over my soliloquy in the second act?"
Friend-"O, yes; 1 noticed quite u
number got up and moved out. -
Epoch.
Sunday-School Teacher COUGHING
her bosom)-'Johnny, don't you feel
bad in here when you have been doing
wrongp" Johnny (bashfully)-"No'ln,
ma uses the back of brush and takes
mo over her knee. Huntington Free
Press.
-"Sir." said she, ''do you expect
me, a saleslady at Tapely 6 Jaxon's
dry-goods emporium, to marry COM
mon clerkp" 81 am not a common
clerk" he answered; "I am q sales
gent" She fell into his arms and
murmured II am thine" -Terre
Haute Express.
Mrs. McCorkle-"John, dear. the
Doctors sermon this morning was
from the text, 'Ye are the salt of the
earth. Where do you suppose I can
find the passagep" Mr.. McCorkle-
II should think you could find it in the
Psalter. "-Drake's Magazine.
Butler CATER the Queens Mate"
has been rendered four times and re-
peat)-"'Ere's dollar, an tn mas
ter says would you kindly move honP
els hill? Leader Schwanenflugel-
dot vost a square mans, fellcrs. We
him blay der bet March in Sauls.r
oud ohf condiments. PUCK.
Benevolent old gent-"How my
heart bounds when I see the happy
faces of childhood. Note the beaming
smile of the little boy now approach
ing. Heaven itself seems TO have
illuminated those little features.
will speak to him. One moment, little
boy. Why are you so happyP" Lit
tie boy (grinning) .-"Ma got mad and
-" How did you find society out in
ChicagoP" "Oh, there's good deal
of 1t there. But they have strange
ways" How SOP" well, If a
man goes to an evening party, and
keeps his coat on the entire evening,
the company concludes right away
that his shirt Is in the wash"
Male Parent (sternly)-"Now,
sir, young man, havo caught you
stuck in the Jam, as usual, when your
mother Is away" Culprit-"I'll bet
a quarter ma is stuck in the jam,
too" Male Parent-"WhereP" Gull
pritc-':Down at the millinery OPEN
Ing. Burlington Free Press.
Stern Parent" Johnnie, am In.
formed that you use a great deal OF
slang. rs 1t trueP' Eyes, SIR"
And l have cautioned you against
the vulgar habit scores of times. I
once moro warn you that IL you per-
slst in using slang Ill take that strap
from the wall and you'll find yourself
in the soup."-Nebraska State Jour
nal
Less than three years ago q Russian
spy got very drunk ut students
kneipe in jena and confessed his BUSH
ness. He was thrown out of the room
by the students ana two days later was
driven out OF the town. Generally,
hOwever tho anina do their tu0pl,