Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-03-02
FUNNY MEMS FANCIEs.

Those Narrow Streets.-Sinee I visited
PHILADELPHIA, says Pillkins, understand:why
they cross the streets at right angles. They don't
gain anything by cutting aeross.-Hsl0 York
EUenin0 Sun.
Jay Gould Style.-Mamma Ito Flossie,
who has been lunching with little friendl-I
hope you were very polite, Flossie. at the table,
and said, Eyes, please. - and 'No. thank you!''
Flossie-weIl, didn't say, 'sNo, thank you,"
because, you see, took everything.-Epoch.
In a Divorce Court-Defendant's lawyer
If Your Honor please, l would like to ask a re-
cess for ten minutes. A maiden aunt to the de-
fendant has died and left him 500, 900. wish to
consult with my client for a moment. Plaintiffs
attorney (hurriedly)-The lady whom 1 have the
honor to represent instructs me to withdraw this
complaint. If the Court please, move that the
case be dismissed.-ChtcGgo Herald.
A Counoisseur.- r.-Dawdie-Where does
this man Alkali come from that desires to Join
our art club?
Bangle-He's from Arizona.
Dawdie-Arizona? What does he know sbout
art, any way?
Bangie-Why my dear boy, he told me himself
he was chairman Of the hanging committee sew.
eral times in Cayots Gulch.-LoucsH Citizen
The Only Objection.-A certain politician
holding office now in Washington cores from
Gilead, -. and he is proud Of his native town.
1t is told Of him that on one occasion visiting
clergyman preached in the village church. and
during the course of his remarks he exclaimed:
.Is there no balm in Gilead?'' Mr.. Blank jumped
te his feet at once. 'Of course there is he sung
out, to the horror of the congregation, "out you
can't get it on Sunday. Warrington Critic.
Life in Pizen Creek.-Colonel Whipsav
tof the Rattlesnake Ranch, being shown to his
room In the Bad Lands House)-Wh-whatdoe doesh
say on that air sign up thereg
iandlord-it says, "Guests viii please remove
their spurs before retiring.''
''By the North Fork Of the Great Crooked Bit
terroot Go out to the corral an git my hoss an
IN moseyl Ifthe effete ways Of the wornout East
are sneakin' in here like this shall start 1urtner
West tonight. ''-2erds SJtiRgs.
"Only think of it George the Niagars
Falls are fast wearing away"
eyes, SO I've heard"
''George, isn't it at Niagara Falls where people
generally 90 on their wedding tourF'
81 believe so.''
'George, wouldn't 1t be awful IL the Falls
should disappear before somebody who Is dying 70
90 there should-should-be able TO go there
George?''
A fond embrace, whispered words and the Gus
| tomarv fmpedlmenta-all Of which tend 10 show
that she and George will get there long before the
Falls take their nnal departure.-bostoR drca-
| script.
"Papa." saws the funny mans boy,
ssWhat did Mr.. smith mean when he said he slept-
| like top last night2'
Funny Man-.''why, suppose he slept - II he'
| was to hum ,,,-Nea0 York Euentng Sun.
| PATIENCE GETS THERE.
She was but seven, was nine
Iloved her madly-and she knew Il;
| 1 knelt and begged her 70 be mine,
She said she really eouldn't do IL.
At thirty-eight her hair Is gray,
Her roses brighter bloom than ever;
Tomorrow is our wedding days
IT'S late, but better late than never.
-AHnsey's Weekly.