The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-06-28
FOR DYsPEPTIC READERS.

dyspepsia IS q thanklesS malady. No
matter how wretchedly the victim feels, he
gets no sympathy whatsoever. The hand
Of the world is against him, as if, instead
of being a worthy sufferer, he were a veri-
table Ishmaelite. Even his doctor laughs
him to scorn.
"Well, what have you been doing 10 %
the doctor asks. 'What rave you been
eating ?''
The callous scoffer knows very well, per-
haps, that his miserable patient has not
eaten a blessed thing in ten days-nothing
but oatmeal cakes moistened with water.
Yet the doctors have fallen in with the
popular heresy that the best way to sym
patlize with a dyspeptic is to rail at him.
When you have dyspepsia every man you
meet asks you to 60 to lunch with him;
every house you pass is a restaurant:
every gale that blows watts to your nostrils
the odor of ham and eggs: every newspaper
is full of domestic recipes; every wagon in
the street is loaded with spring chicken or
dressed hogs (oughD or fresh berries; the
jill olAH NOA Lal cCS 10 III NOM
Ready or Supper Only Is Cents''; why,
even the beggars who waylay you for pen
MES with which to buy something to
eat..' It would be a pleasure to do an act
beggars never importunc for money with
which to buy pepsine or lactopeptine or a
seidlitz powder?
Dyspepsia never kills, they say; yes,
that's the sneaking villiany of the malady
it thwarts every high purpose and honor
able ambition and compels its prey to dod-
der and nope through life in a condition Of
perennial consciousness of his weakness
and helplessness. We do not agree with
those who say that it necessarily sours its
vietim-that may be its diabolical purpose,
but We do not think it always succeeds.
On the contrary, we think that it very
often serves to soften the temper, to broad
en- and to deepen the sympathies, and TO
instill into the heart a nobler and sweeter
charity. Physical discipline, however rig
orous, serves the grand purpose of chasten-
ing the soul, it is one kind of sorrow, and
sorrow is good for humanity. A very in
teresting essay upon this subject was writ
ten many years ago by Bulwer Lytton; it
would repay invalids, we think, to read
that essay oecasionally-we regard it as
one of that great maa's best bits of work.
Dyspepsia, if humored properly by long
and cireumspect HASTINGS. occasionally gives
its victim a season Of rest, and during these
seasons, whatsoever they occur, it behooyes
the dyspeptic to improve his opportunity.
Hot minee pie with melted cheese, ali,
there is a dish that viii compensate you
for weeks of torture. Another glorious
Wand is Nesselrede pudding; this is a cross
between ice cream and the Spanish inquisi-
ton; it is Of a decomposed hue and it is
full Of candied fruits, Nightmares Arabian
perfumes. pnngent ~1avors, ~ecstatic sapidi-
ties, etc. Then again there is nothing the
matter (f we may be pardoned the slang
phrase with a Welsh rarebit, yet the ban
queter should insist upon having q nice,
overdone, indigestible poaehed egg served
with the rarebit.
But we shall-we can go no further; it
make the mouth water, the palate yearn, and
the heart throb to think of these precious
boons, and even in the midst Of stonlachic
paroxysms we feel constrained, like old
Louis XI., TO plead indulgence not only for
the sins we have committed, but also for
the sins which we hope to have the pleas
ure of committing by and by-we regret
that the we cannot fix the exact date
Eugene Field.