Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-06-10

1t is q little girl OF 1--WE VINO makes the
discovery that the shad is a porcupIne
turned inside out.
Why not abbreviate Alaska to L. s.,
which would sufficiently identify it as the
place of the seal.
Chemist-Cider certainly is an intoXi-
can't Iowa Prohibitionist-Well, L new
er knew that. Let me try some.
Miss Gay-I wish L owned bird Mr..
Ling-Let me be your bird. Miss Gay
L don't want parrot, thank you.
Some men are born great, some achieve
greatness, and some have had fathers
who relieved them of all responsibility.
The philosophy of everyday life proves
that many tailor-made girl can take the
conceit out of a self-made man.
An agnostic is one who thinks that he
knows all about everything, and that 9th
er people know nothing about anything.
Transferable-Mary, L should be de-
lighted had 1 as much hair as you. Wall,
mum,y can borry it any tonne yez loike
Dude-You have been looking straight
at me for the last five minutes. What is
it? Farmer-That's just what was won
dering.
Mrs. Westend-Did you see the artist
Whistler, while in England? Mr.. Lake
side (of Chicago)-Yes indeed-heard her
whistle.
Among myriads of other trusts, in these
fult OH tpIl ~
is announced. This, likely, is the spruc-
est of all.
1t is easier for an idol to go through
the knee of camel than for a new hum
orous paragraphist to refrain from max
ing a joke on Boston beans.
young man in the treasury depart
ment calls his best girl "benzoic sulphin-
ide," because benzoic sulphinide is 800
times sweeter than sugar.
She-You were not dissipated before
we were married. He-Indeed l was, my
dear; but when anybody told you so then
you didn't believe it.
Friend-Do you live happily with your
husband? Muscular Wife-Of course l
do. I'd like to see him try not to live
happily with me.
A fellow in Binghampton went to see
his girl the other day. On reaching the
door he was confronted with the sign,
'sBeware of paint" that fixed him.
'sDo you find it so very hard to turn
your Jokes into poetry?" she asked. ,"Not
so very" replied Tubbs. 1.-The hardest
thing is to turn the poetry into money"
Mr.. Blobson-What idiots there are on
the newspapers nowadays! Mrs. Blob
son-Yes, you have been sitting on that
copy of the News for the past half-hour.
Now the festive housewife twists veil
or towel around her noble brow and
stands everything in the house on its
head, including the old man if he enters
protest.
Can't have just one kiss before 1 go?
Only one. She-And if L let you have one,
you will take two, won't you? He-No,
won't; indeed, won't. She-Then you
shan't have any.
If most men could get the world to
take them at their own estimation of their
value, the world would soon have an
enormous surplus stock on hand, and
bankruptcy would stare it in the face.
Mother, who with her little boy is din
ing at friends. Johnnie, | am really
ashamed of you. You never behave so
badly at home Johnnie; 81 know it,ma,
but when 1 have a chance at good din
ner like this I'm apt to get excited"
How does commerce between nations
affect them?" was asked of little Irish
girl in the geography class. sit makes
them cousins" she answered promptly. /
The geography said, Commerce between
nations brings them into close relations"
Miss Lille will not learn her lessons |
and her mamma undertakes to know why. 1
s'Now, mamma, don't scold. Didn't you |
tell papa only yesterday that it was very /
wrong to read the letters of other peoples /
and why should l try to read the letters
of the alphabet"