The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-05-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

chant Traveller.
Ii detective wants to catch a cold
he can get clew by sitting in draft.
-Banghanaton Republican.
1t isn't the lady that wears the most
diamonds who appears the most brill
iant.-H HonEers Statesman.
Cats can be classed among the con-
templative animals. At least they
news most of the enights.-Detr0st Free
Press.
The great difficulty about common
sense is that it is so tremendously
scarce that 1t isn't tcommon.-Mefcbaat
1rGveler.
The average size of an American
family. according to statistics, is 4.15
The fraction probably stands for the
old man.-1erre Haute Eapress.
The Colonel-D'you know anything
of the Spanish Castles Company?
Noble Lord, NJ p, etc.-Eotliing-
except that Pm Il director.
American girls (abroad) Father,
have a chance to marry u title. Wise
father-Humph! l think, my dear, it
will be cheaper to buy one Philadelphia
Record.
An Albany man says he had an
uncle once who became frightened at
the peel of banana, fell into peach
pit, and broke his word.-Aibany
Journal
Hobbs--Dou't you think Quobbs
quite promising writer? Blobbs-l
should say so. Every time he sends
me letter he promises to pay
Detroit Free Press.
If you must wear sackcloth see that
it is becomingly made up. Ii you are
to be sprinkled with ashes select the
ashes of roses for sprinkling. g.-Nes0
Orleans Ptcayuase.
Mrs. Willer-They say an English
man considers his wife about on level
with his dog. Mrs. BilIer--I wish l
had married an Englishman.-1esre
Haute Express.
''In the hands of men entirely great
the pen is mighter than the sword"
1t is the same way with parasol in
the hands of woman. 1t will stop a
horse-car.-- Orleans Picayuae.
The proposed plan to have all physi-
clans put in uniform will not meet
with popular favor. The brass but
tons would shine out too conspicuous
ly in the bill.-Jouradto Of Educataon.
What doth it profit man to get a
modern society novel for 25 cents, il
he has to buy an unabridged dictiona-
ry and an encyclopedia before he can
understand itF-Shoe and Leather Re
porter.
Easterner-I understand the great
land boom at Dugout City has col
Tonao6 WaSfapnar Vos.
keepin' it goin' any longer. All the
land now is owned by outsiders.
York Weekly.
Mrs. Topploft-Do you ever have
any trouble in getting money from
your husbandP Mrs. Oleboy-None in
the least. ! accuse him every once in
while of talking in his sleep.-1erre
Haute Express.
Ticket agent Cat railroad station)-
wish some way could be invented to
keep men away from the ladies' win
dow. Bystander-Easy enough. Put
the sign. For Ladies Only,n on the
other window.--Ata0 FORK Weekly.
Winks-Has your wife a cheerful
disposition? Minks-O, yes; very
cheerful. Last nigat Wien l was dane
ing around the room ON one foot, after
having stepped on tack, she laughed
till her sides ached. - PHILADELPHIA
Record
"Well, Schulze, what became of the
libel suit of the Sheriff against your
son?" HE had to pay 0Omarks fine" +"
''You think that a great deaip" "You
should have heard what he said about
himi 1t was worth the money!
Fltegende Btatter.
Fitzjones--Did you go to the theatre
last evening. PercyP De Brown-No.
4 attended a sleight of-hand perform
ance. Fitzjones-Where? De Brown
Il went to call on Miss LIE Smythe
and offered my hand, but she sighted
it.-Bossoa, Beacon.
Proofreader-Isn't there a mistake
in this sentence: Connecticut manu-
factured a larger quantity of tobacco
than usual last year,? Shouldn't it be-
''raised a larger quanlity?' Editor
No; used the word manufactured ad-
visedly.-Boston Transcript.
Washington people must be suspi-
cious and doubling in their attitude
toward strangers. Everybody who
goes up there seems obliged to carry
along pocketful of written recon-
mendations and certificates OF charac-
ter.-NeU Orleans Rcagane.
First sweet girl--O, did you hear the
newsp Mr.. Nicefellow, who is en-
gagged to Clara We're de We're, hugged
her so hard last night that he broke
one of her ribs. Second sweet girl
just my luck l might have had him
myself. Philadelphia Record
Bjenbins-How are you getting on
with your new typewriter, Bjonesp
Bjones-First rate. old man, thank you.
first rate. Why. I've only been practi-
cling month now and | can write a
letter nearly half as fast ON the ma
chine as l can with Il pen.--SonaerUille
Journal.
She (softly)-I shall never forget
this highland the ball. He GENDER
ly)-Tell me why. She-And The last
waltz! He--You delight me! She
And you! He--You entrance me!
Then / have impressed you? She
(more softly than ever)-Yes, you've
about smashed two of my toes.-Boston
Beacon.
Miss Ranter Ga celebrated amateur)
%, by the way, Jack, you've never
told me how you liked our theatrcals
last Friday. Jack cher cousin)-
Well, it.seemed to me that the play
had decidedly too many acts in it.
Miss R-Why, what do you meanp 1t
had only one act. 5ack-Exactly.-
Boston Beacon.
Wife (to husband who has been out
between the acts ts)-'.Did you. see the
man, John?" Husband-'O, yes,
(hic) saw him." Wife-'Is he nice
manp" Husband-'.Nice man! Ger
tainly; why do you ask tlat?' Wife
30, nothing, it simply occurred to me
that you must have been talking to
hard drinker. ."-Epoch.
Jinks-I understand Mr. Minks OBJ
jects tiercely to your engagement with
his daughter. Young Winks-Huht /
don't care whether he objects or not.
Fathers don't amount to much now
EsN,1rr (~