The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1889-05-04

came TWO dull, SlCkenIng thudS right
then and there which we shall never
forget to our dying day.
The hog we purchased was not al
together a startling success, either. 1t
was she hog and before it had been
in the family long enough for US to get
acquainted With each other and find out
one another'S home style of meanness
it went off somewhere and came back
with a whole family of little black and
tan porkers whose anatomies seemed to
be composed of equal parts OF appetite
and squeal, and their own mother ate
them all up, body and soul, for supper
the next night. We have been in SYM
pathy with the Jews on the pork quts-
ton ever SINCE
Farming in Kansas is very profitable
to the loan agents and editors of ag-
rcultural papers but like every other
| great enterprise it has its drawbacks.
In fact there are more drawbacks in
Kansas than anything else, except pro-
hlbltion and republican majorities,
though for all that 1t is a great state,
and if we owned it we'd hold on for
raise in price.
Well, atter the COW, the wife and the
pig were acquired we negotiated with
robust native with sun-peeled nose
and warts on his hands to do all the
work there would be left after the wife
got through, and purchasing some in
teresting books which told all about
how to do it, we proceeded to "farm."
The first year didn't seem to pan out
well, though we sat around on the we'll
sweep and pig pen until the seat of out
pantaloons shined out as glossy as the
cheek of Kansas City real estate man
whitfield up all the soft. pine there
was on the place, gave implicit instruc-
tons according 70 our "Treatlse on
Agriculture, and really farmed very
hard. We had the string beans trained
up on the right kind of strings, the
Early Rose potatoes planted early and
aIternated with rose bushes, the hens
set "Solid," the "Bloody Butcher" corn
put where it could yield the most meat,
and repeated prayer in German over
the spot where the "Flat Dutch" cab
bages blOssomed. But somehow the
combination got out of order, and about
all the crop we raised was another chat
tel mortgage and a girl baby, and we
were both surprised and grieved. After
hearing SO much about the wonders of
Kansas soil we ha! right to expect
that girl baby would have been twins,
or boy at least, and We told the wife
to never let that happen again.
About this time our beautiful and
beloved span of Poland China horses
the sharers OF all our joys and sor.
rows and companions on the long
trip, we made into Nebraska, hauling
freight for the merchant Piince OF
Cawker City at 40 cents per hundred
pounds Gin trade), the noble but
rawboned steeds that whisked us
over the buffalo grass on bob sled
when we went 2 miles to the nearest
well for barrel Of water, those good
old $50 horses-both up and died;
one from old age and sheer exhaus-
ton, and the other from running up
against a red hot bolt of Kansas
lightning. We abandoned all worldly
pursuits and gave ourselves up to
anguish, for three reasons-first, ON
our own account, second, on the
account of our horses, and third on
account Of a man who had the chat.
tel mortgage on them. And, blythe
way, that poor man who lost money
on those horses was none other than
H P Churchill, who now runs the
great Safety Lock and Deposit Bank
here in Kansas City 1--WE hope he
will not see this article.) He was
practicing law in those days, and a
few years later when we quit farming
and went to editing a country plate
matter paper with saw and miter
box, he defended us in big criminal
libel suit, and he charged us so much
for keeping us out of the penitenti-
airy that we have really never regret
ted the $50 he lost on account of the
lightning and those imported Berk-
shire hoTsea.
And while on the subject of light
ming we ust want to say that, aside
from politicians and buffalo chips,
there is more fatal lightning in west
ern Kansas to the square incn than
in any other spot of country this side
of the New Jerusalem. The bolt
that knocked that gallant steed was
as blood red as any prohibitionist's
nose you ever saw, and it came vita
such nstantaneousness that there
wasn't enough lett OF our noble ami
nal to make speck on clean white
napkin. And he hired man who
wa, doing the chamber work in the
stabl-, oh, where was he? Well, it,
a pretty tough story to spring on
Missourians, but it is gospel truth
that bolt of red Kansas lightning
knocked TIE young mans oblique
duplex clear out Of shape; and ran
down his spinal co unn took chew
OF his tobacco, turned his boots wrong
side out and changed his undershirt
something he had not done for
years; and aside from this the victim
was unharmed
We continued tor some years after
to raise hens which arose early in the
morn to pursue the swift footed angle
worm as it fitted from sunhower to
sunhower, but the balance of our
double octave experience in this line
will appear later on. We believe in
administering medicine in homeo-
pathic doses. -kanSas CITY SIN.
MR.. BOWSER CLEANS HOUSE.