Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-02-11

A man, like dog, is apt to be rather
fast when he has plenty of ''tin" behind
him.
Mosquitoes are the most religious of
insects; they first sing over you and then
prey on you.
We have a poets corner in our sane
tum. 1t is the corner where the waste
basket stands.
Little gIrl-Last Christmas L hung up
my stocking. What did you hang up?
Absent minded visitor-My watch.
The camel said to have seven stomachs.
He must feel like walking bee hive full
of mad bees, if he ever has the collie.
The reason some men can't make both
ends meet is because they are too busily
engaged in making one end drink.
No one has ever yet been able to ex-
plain why kiss is such pleasant thing,
but the subject is being investigated.
Dancing is poetry in motion, and no po-
etical young man can see pretty girl
dancing without wishing to second the
motion.
Belle was asked where her little broth
ers, aged four and two, were. She re-
piled: They are sitting on the doorstep
talking about old times.
1t requires only two things to run a
successful campaign, said the politician.
And what are they? asked a bystander.
Dollars and sense.
How old are you, Sambo? Well, sab,
rs goin' on er hundred yeahs. Indeed
Is it possible? Yes, sab, but Is got quite
er little ways furder to go yit.
Cincinnati man advertises for sale "a
business paying $4,000 year and no
capital needed to run it. Reasons for
selling: Police are becoming suspicious
of me-"
A widow is like a baby, because he
cries the first six months, begins to notice
in the next six months, land it is hard work
for him to get through the second sum-
mer
He-My darling, 1 really believe my
rheumatism has wholly disappeared.
She-Oh, 1 am so sorry! Now we shall
never know when the weather is going TO
change.
Is marriage failure? the bachelor
cried. And the youth who counting a
girl replied I've never been married, and
cannot guess, but courtship, l know, is
big success.
A southern hotel advertises among its
attractions Il parlor for ladies 30 feet
wide. We trust this paragraph will catch
the eye of the woman who occupies three
seats in crowded car.
When l was young man, says Bangs,
was always in hurry to hold the big
end of the log and do all the lifting; now
am older, sieze hold of the small end,
and do all the granting.
A Buffalo paper offers to exchange the
spring poetry sent by its contributors for
some good maple sugar. We will ex
change ours for few packs of dried ap-
pies and then come out ahead.
Blinks-Think your wife would object
to having you go off duck shooting with
me! Jinks-Im afraid she would if /
asked her, but I'll tell my little son to or
der her to let me go. She always obeys
him.
Master of the house (slapping his
clothes vigorously: Bridget, why didn't
you dust my study chair? Bridget-Shure,
sorr, Oh knew yez would be sittin' down
in it presently, and OF thought it wasn't
NECESSARY.
Oculist-When did your eye first be-
come inflamed? Enthusiastically /
went up to lady to speak to her and the
peak of her bonnet see. We have
many such cases. Use this lotion and be
careful while the present fashion lasts to
do your talking to ladies by telephone.
You would be sorry to lose your sister,
wouldn't you, Johnnie? asked the visitor
SUCCESSFULLY to the little boy who was en-
tertaining him in the drawing room.
Nope, replied Johnnie. l guess l could
stand it. Mr.. Hawkinson. Nav says 1
must wear short pants till after Irene is
married.
At the Little Rock, Arkansas, telephone
exchange lately, call came in from a
residence for feed store. Hello Hello!
What is it? Mamma says send up a sack
of oats and bale of hay, in child's
voice. Whom is it for? Inquired the
feed man. Why. for the COW, of course,
said the boy. and closed up.