The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-02-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

4 "A manu- 10 HduQ dudii -Ncoh ein6 -
the dark.-Burlington Free Press.
Men who have horse sense know
when to say neigh.-Boston Courier.
What the social system of England
needs most is a blood purifier. Puck.
A criminal may not court death; but
in New York State lie sparks it.-Puck.
Possibly the wall flower might be
called the night-blooming serious
| Boston Post.
A man convinced (by his wife)
| against his will is of the same opinion
still-mighty still.-LJe
Theatre managers say they often
times find good deal of talent in the
supe.-Rochester Express.
Bad habits keep people from attend
ing church; in other words, poor
clothes.-Bostoa Courier.
The complaint against the usurer is
that he takes too much interest in his
business. -Binghanaton Republican.
Sir Isaac Newton earned fame by
seeing an apple fall. Some people
make money by keeping an apple
stand.-Boston Courier.
Soarandfop(g randiloquently) Yes,
it pays to do right. Honesty is the
best policy after all. Frankley-Why
don't you have it renewed.-1tnae.
Recent experiments show that tor
| toise walks mile in four hours. He
would just about set the pace for
pair of lovers strolling by moonlight.
darlington Free Press.
Rounder-How is it for a pass on
your road? Agent - Can't do it.
Roundabout you pass anything on
this road? Agent-O, yes! We pass
dividends. Citizen.
Edith-You seem to grow younger
every day. l hope you don't think
yourself getting OldP Hortense-Not
so long as the gentlemen offer me
their seats in the cars. - ~ Y Sun.
First bunko steerer-What, in luck
again? Second bunco steerer-Well,
kinder; police were getting onto my
racket, and so l am telling fortunes at
church fares. There's money in it
Time.
Jinkins -''By the way, Sharpley,
that Miss Moneybags is rather neat
little craft; regular clipper, amt
she?" Sharpley-''So is the old man
clipper, too-a coupon clipper. y
Ocean.
What this country wants more than
anything else is more holidays, more
excuses to lay off from work one day,
often involving the necessity of laying
off the day following to recuperate.-
1eras Sittings.
St. Peter (sternly)-"What good did
YOU do in the world?n Miss McFIim-
sy-'.I? Why, st. Peter, what ques-
ton! l am Christian martyr.
danced myself to death at a charity
ball. "-Phitadelphia Record.
/ St. Peter Cat the celestial gate)-
Don't think you can get in. Ohio
: man-All right. Not particular where
{ | put up. Not afraid of sheol, ehp"
Not much. l was born and raised in
Hamilton unty."-Judge.
Mr.. Garrulous-Why do people think
the sphinx typical of wisdom, George?
George (who is still suffering from the
effects of a curtain lecture)-I guess it
) is because the sphinx always keeps its
) mouth shut.-Harper's Bazar.
; Hardupp-Mrs. Cashley, love you
devotedly. Won't you become my
: better half? Mrs. Cashley - am
, afraid, Mr.. Hardupp, that you are not
seeking better half so much as better
quarters. Haute Express.
!, You have become regular Micaw.
Der, my young friend,n said the minis.
ter What are you waiting for now
i to turn up?" Waiting" replied the
young prodigal, '.for my rich uncle to
turn up his toes "-NeaO York Sun.
, Aspiring author-Of course you are
: fond of poetry, are you not, Miss
) Whipperly? Miss Whipperly - My
maid is, believe; but let us talk OF
something serious; tell me all about
the entries for the dog show.-Lite.
How much did you lose at the
races yesterday" asked Bjones.
Nothing" replied De links. Didn't
you play your friends horse that came
in lastP" Eyes, but / borrowed the
money from my friend. "-NeU York
Sun.
Young man Gin jewelers. shop)-I
see that big diamond trust has just
been formed. Jeweler-Yes. Young
man (persuasivelyl-Say, suppose YOU
and form one. You furnish the ring
and III constitute the trust.-Burling-
ton Free Press.
The minister with severity)-And
so you do not believe everything you
learn at Sunday school, Richard
, | Richard-No, sir; not everything. The
minister-My little boy does. Rich
ard-Yes, sir. l suppose your little
{ boy has. to.-Lye.
Foreman-We can't set this poem
according to copy, sir. Managing ed
itor-Why not? Foreman - Because
the editor-in-chief has just sent in a
leader on woman suffrage that has
cleaned out all our exclamation points
in the ofiice.-Burlangton Free Press.
A Boston woman asked if the last
lunar eclipse was partial OF impartial?
That is something on a par with the
young New Orleans lawyer who was
taking testimony and asked witness
. if certain articles in question were
valuable or invaluable. Orleans
; Picayune.
, The teacher announced that she
, wished the pupils to write short essay
on 1.-The Cigarette Habit" Aud little
Johnny, after much patient labor,
handed in this: THE habits which is
{ worn by the cigarette girls is much to
lite for winter, this is AL no about
The Cigarette Habit. "-Terre Haute
, Express.
Minnie-rll tell you something, if
you won't say anything about it Ma
mie = Certainly not. Minnie - You
} know that experiment of making the
, gas flicker by the conclusion of a kiss?
, Harry and tried itlast Sunday night
Mamie - Did it flicker? Minnie-I
) don't know. | forgot to hold my eyes
/ open.-Terre Haute Express.
| 81 want good two-foot rule" said
the young lady, as she paused in the
mechanical department of the palatial
dry goods store. Never kick with
: both feet at once said the great
American humorist who stood behind
the counter. And then the proprietor