The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1889-07-21
WHAT THE JOKERS SAY.

A Good Business Man. - Here,
Brown, let's see how much you weigh.
Drop a nickel in the slot" No, I'll
not do that; but you drop nickel in
my hand, and I'll tell you how much
l weigh, my age, and the size of my
hat."-Harpe7"s BazGf.
Rehearsing for Charades.-Freddy
Nov, Charlie, you must propose to
Angeline Tin her sixth season), and,
Angie, you must refuse him. It shall
be Paradise Lost See?" Charles
(thoughtlessIy) -''They'H never guess
it in the world."-L0e.
A Dutiful Son.-"John, this is a
very bad report you bring me from
school" Il know, father, but you
know you said if I would bring you a
first-class report you would give me a
dollar, and l wanted to save you that
expense.-Fliegende BlGtteT.
Not Mutual Benefit t.-Emeline-
ALFRED, 1 am very fond of you, but l
doubt if love you enough to be your
wife" Alfred d-"Emeline, give me,
oh, give me the benefit of the doubtw
Emeline-"I will, Alfred. Henceforth,
all is over between us."-PUck.
An Iowa man told love sick girl
that he would marry her If she would
commit to memory the whole of Web
ster's dictionary. He didn't suppose
she could do it, but she did, and now
he will have to take the consequences
for the rest of his life. burlington
Free Press.
What She Waited for.-"Are You
doing much gardening, Miss Struck
Oyle?" No. not much; you see have
not yet got the proper stockings for
such work" ''GOt what?" The
proper stockings-the rubber garden
hose [ see advertised in the papers" :"
Time.
A Terrible Case.-"Let me die. l
cannot afford to live" Why" well,
my time is worth So an hour, SO that
it costs me $40 every night to get
eight hours sleep. That is $4,000 a
year for sleep alone. [ can't do that
on an income of $1,000" "-H0rper'S
BdzGF.
straightforward dear
sir, can't yeu assume a more smiling
Countenance and throw off that jaded
loOk" Rev. V. V. leighton "Take
me as l am. / need a vacation this
summer, and these pictures are for
distribution among my parishiOnerS."
Life.
Mrs. O'Keefe told her grocer in
Newburrgo to send her over one
pound of white sugar. He sent brown.
She went back and abused him, and
row occurred in which OKeefe had
his eye put out and the grocer got
a broken leg. Mrs. O'Keefe should
have ordered onions.-DetrOit Free
Press.
All Things in Season. Stranger
"You are not booming your state very
much at the present, are yOu!" Kan
sas Citizen-"NO, we are not advertis-
ing at all now; but wait till the cy-
clone period arrives, and you'll see the
name Of our glorious commonwealth
in every paper you pick up."-OmGhG
| World.
Determined to Run No Risks. -
Citizen-"Here, cabr' Cabman (crit-
ically)-''Is it a reception, SIR" Citi-
zen (angrily) What difference does
that make to you?" Cabman-"All
the difference in the world, sir.
You're in full dress. If it's a recep-
ton. it's all right. If it's suicide, you
pay in advance. e."-ChicagO Tribune,
The wife of a really well-to-do Hin
du is prohibited by custom from con-
versation with her husband except in
her own chamber. 1t is a ridiculous
custom. About the only place a man
doesn't want his wife to converse with
him is in her own chamber provided
he is addicted to coming home at l
A. NJ, exhausted with business care and
so forth-especially the tter.-NOr
riStO1On Herald.