Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-04-06
IT LOOKS LIKE NINE. !
PEOPLE HAVE OFTEN eAlo THIS
ABOUT AN UMBRELLA.

"Fixed" the Hsadls-why ths ldsststy
Of Canes and Psrssois Chasgsa
A dingy shanty within the shadow of
the city hall shelters singular industry,
the leading feature Of the establishment
being the exchange Of umbrella handles
A visit to tho thrifty proprietor un-
ravels the mystery OF where unreturned
and otherwise missing umbrellas 60 to.
You lose, in any Of the too numerous
methods by which the feat con be ac-
complished. the shield which art inter-
poses between civilized humanity and
the weaping heavens You scan the
procession that passes your window tho
next wet day in the hope Of detecting
tho man with perverted morals who has
appropriated your property. In vain.
You may see handle like that attached
10 the umbrella that once was your
brown silk, but the covering IA black,
hence tho hope raised by the sight Of the
peculiar form of the silver or ivory top
iAslispelled when your eye travels to the
dripping cover.
VISIT TO THE "FIxRR."
And yet you may have been right In
your first guess, though the man who
was saving his silk hat from tho dam.
aging effect Of the downpour may have
been innocent Of wronging you directly.
The black silk he is carrying was posi-.
bly, ornamented by handle Of totally
different pattern when 1t left the shop
and was subsequently loaned or left In q
corner Of the saloon where the proud
purchaser "set 'em up" for his fellow
clerks on the strength Of his investment.
Tho peculiar handle was too easy Of
Identification attached to its original
silken superstructure and tho aforesaid
dingy shanty was hastily visited and an
exchange effected. Tho visit was made
subsequently to that Of the successor to
your property and that Is how you came
to have that evanescent ray Of hope fash
through your frame.
This Is no fancy sketch. Tho tex
change" was visited in oil innocence Of
Its real character by man whose lack
Of opportunity has hitherto preserved
his honesty pure and undefiled In the
matter Of umbrellas, the temptation to
absorb which seems to be Irresistible to
the average mortal, and he is no better
than his fellows In other respects, and
given the right conditions he might with
his fellows fall beneath tho influence Of
lonesome but lovely specimen.
But this time he was a victim, not to
the loss Of his rain defer, but Its metal
handle. Unequal expansion between It
and the stick, combined with faulty ce-
ment, had caused divorce fatal to the
good looks of the relict.
"Aber wo ist der anderer griff?" asked
the "repairer," his gesture supplying the
meaning Of what otherwise would have
been unintelligible to his visitor.
"The other handler Why, lost It, and
that's why came to you to get q new
one."
"Ach. that vas all very veil, but look
in your pocket and don't mind me. /
know all about dat business. Day all
lose dose handles until dey find oud how
to know dc ropes little bit. Look again,
nOw."
"DEY Yoosr MAKES HIM."
Tho visitor being innocent was imper-
vious to tho implication. "What do you
mean!" he asked tho grinning proprietor
of the 2 by 0 shop.
"What l means9 Wy. dat you made
dot regenschirm-you know what dot
means-and you wants to change dot
handle for another. so do oder man
knows him not again alretty, ehr'
''Do look like thiefI'
"a tief, is itr Wy you must bc DUNN,
nopody schteals einen regenschirm, dey
yoost makes him. He is lying arount
and you cooms along or some oder man
cooms along and takes him up. Den dey
all cooms here by me and l puts a new
handle on and de next Sauntag dot re-
genschirm to der kirche goes nit de man
and dc handle stops nit me.
"Aber if you are SO dretfully particu-
lar put you new handle in him for
teventy-fife cents or half a tollar and
you keeps de oder handle and puts him
in the stove alretty, ehy'
Not knowing at this stage Of the pro-
ceedings but that the handle he should
select might have come from an um-
brella of the same shade and general ap-
pearance as his own. and thus lead to
awkward complications with the loser Of
the one 1t originally graced. and not car.
ing particularly to do business with q
man who had such loose ideas Of the
rights OF property, even In umbrellas,
the would be customer was backing out
there was scarcely room to turn.
"You needn't be feared dot gife you
away. Iput you handle dot vas on
black one, and de Won you haf is brown,
eh?"
But the comparatively fresh air Of the
alley leading to the novel fence" had
been reached ere this last inducement
had been offered. and the job went to a
more honest or cautious man.-Chicago
Times