Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1889-06-26
Mr., and Mrs. BOWSer.

Mr.. and Mrs. BOwser.
The other morning asked Mr.. Bowser
if he wouldn't send up carpenter to hang
the screen door to the kitchen, and, after
moments thought, he replied:
sI'm in no hurry this morning and III
hang 1t myself"
"But it's got to have a spring on, you
know"
s'Well what of it?"
eCan you-you'-
sIf can't want to be knocked on the
head for an idiot! I've put on more door
and gate springs than you've got hairs IN
your head"
He got the door down from the loft, and
after running up and down and backwards
and forwards for half an hour his assort-
ment OF tools consisted of two saws, an
anger, brace and bit, plane, screw
driver ana screws, a square, compass,
mitre box and tape line.
"Does it require all those tools to hang
screen door," l querisd.
tIt may and it may not, " he replied.
s'Can l assist you in any way?'
ssCap YOU assist me! Mrs. Bowser, you
talk as if you didn't regard me as half
baked! When I want your valuable assist
ance I'll send you word on postal card!'
I retired in good order and remained out
of sight twenty minutes. When l return
ed he had the door on and seemed very
we'll satisfied.
"You'll have to make slight change in
that, Mr.. Bowser."
'sHow?'
s'You'Ye hung it top to bottom"
81 have, eh? I'll bet you $40, 900, 600 to q
cent 1 haven't"
'sWell, look at the knob and the catch
and holdings on the panels"
He was fairly beaten, and he realized It,
but instead of acknowledging the corn ne
looked at it for moment and then quietly
said:
81 slipped it on that way to see if you
would notice it, but you'd have let 1t pass
if 1 hadn't called your attention to it!''
In the course of half an hour he mace
the change and was putting on the spring
when I came back. He had never put a
spring on door in his life, and it would
not have detracted from his dignity to ask
nv advice, but he would have died first.
He measured for it aud began to bore a
hole for the screen. After be had work5d
for two or three minutes l asked
'sMr. Bowser, which way are you turn
ing that gimlet?"
"What do you mean9" he demanded, as
he stopped work.
"You have been turning to the left"
"Of course have! Whoever heard o.
turning boring tool any other way?"
81 have. You may work all day tina
way and not accomplish anything. Ina
gimlet and all other gimlets turn to TIM
right"
seThey do, ehP What smart wife
have! You had better deliver series o
lectures on mechanism"
ssWill you turn to the right?''
'fNo, ma'amr
He bored and bored, determined not t
give in. and at length pushed him aside
and turned the gimlet to the right aDd ha
it into the wood in no time.
"Didn't tell you so, Mr.. Bowsel?"
srWell, the man who made that gimle
deserves state prison! It's the first one
ever saw that turned to the right, and
had seen millions of them before you wer
orn."
''Can you put the spring on alone?'
as"Mrs. Bowser," he answered, after glai
ing at me in chilled steel way for half
minute, s'perhaps ought to be in til
idiot asylum, and perhaps l don't kno'
enough to come in when it rains. You wi
oblige me very much by going into tn
house and knocking that squalling youn
one on the head"
II was half an hour before dared max
an excuse to get out again. by that tim
Mr., Bowser had the spring on, but th
door stood open instead OF shut. He wa
standing in deep study.
81 know what ais it, MIR. Bowser.
Elbow shrewdp'
"When you frightened the spring up yol
turned it to the right. That throws th
door open. If you'll tighten to the left
the door will spring shut"
He sat down on the steps and looked a
me with twelve different shades of iron,
and sarcasm in his expression, and fiuall.
deigned to reply:
fWhere did you learn all you know"
stWill you fix that spring as / tell yon?'
ono, ma'am, won'tl I've been look
ing it over, and / know whore the troubl
is. It's spring for left hand door.
should have seen it at the outset if yol
hadn't been bothering around"
81 can make that spring work on thi
door,"
'sMrs. Bowser, wouldn't have you
conceit for no money. No wonder you
haven't single friend in this neighbor
hood"
81 have all want, and l can fix thai
spring in two minutes"
''Never! You simply want an opportu
nifty to break it. You'd tear the whole
kitchen down for the sake of carrying your
point. Go in and maui that bowling baby
some more"
[ grabbed the wrench from his hands,
loosened the spring and then turned it the
other way, and 10! the door shut and was
held stiff in its place, as we designed.
"There! Mr.. Bowser!"
"Tbere whatP'
''The spring shuts the door,"
So don't see it."
s'But look Did you ever see a door
work nieel?"
s'It doesn't work at all.
stRut seer'
81 see a ruined door, just as l expected
to see, and now l must get aa entire new
screen. Mrs. Bowser, l have borne fFnm
ynu until the limit Is about reached Don't
provoke ne to desperation. Husbands
rendered desperate by persistent aud
malicious raging have been known to afisf
at midnight and wipe out the whois
familyp'-Detr Free Press.