The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-11-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

4 chatter boN-1he phonograph.
Useless with "hands off''-Thc clock.
Forced politeress--Bowing to neces-
sity.
4 little thing that feels big in a tight
place is a corn.
The police and tramps fraternize BE-
cause both are on the beat.
Ace is not always criterion Of
ability; for many man Of thirty can
often "lie like sixty.
A fitting tribute--rhc check that pays
for your suit of clothes HashiRgtoa
capital.
Bertie-"Charles has lost his reason
ing power. "-Algernon-'I pity the
finder. Time.
A hen recently fell into a hot spring III
Yellowstone Park. She laid boiled eggs
for a wee.. BG.dr.
'1is not criminal 10 owe your natter.
Nor u cause for worriment; and yet
The conviction is not one to Halter
That you're over head and ears in debt.
Home. Sweet Home" is beautiful
song, but if sung too early in the evening
IL Is apt 10 IllIl II stllSlAlNt NOhhsS hiAh
feelings -Ne,c York Journal.
Yes" admitted the visitor, when the
proud mother exhibited her baby, she
has his fathers nose, but don't worry.
1t may not always be that red"
A London merchant advertises that he
is especial umbrella maker TO the Queen,
and the Lynn Item thinks Victoria's long
reign has probably been profitable TO
him.
Consistency is indeed rare. A man
will unblushingly comb his back hair over
II bald spot on the top of his head, and
yet expect grocer to put his smallest
apples in the top layer of the box.
A speaker at n public meeting talked
! and talked and talked. "How full he is
of his subject" said a friend. ''Yes,
said an enemy; "but how slow he is to
empty himself!"--SaR Francisco Wasp.
Now pick ont the biggest of pumpkins;
The daintiest apple and pear;
The reddest tomato;
The finest potato;
And bring them along 10 the fair.
-DdaSciue BreeSe.
The inventors who have grown tired
of the perpetual motion problem might
| turn their attention to discovering some
method by which a dogs skin could be
tanned with his own bark Merchant
| T'raceler
Englishmen propose TO buy up the gas
plants of Chicago and furnish fuel at
twenty five cents thousand feet They
won't make much money If the feet are
of the regulation kind in that city.-Nc'c
York Ners.
"What prompted you TO rob this
mans tilli' asked the judge of the
prisoner. MY family physician, sir, "
was the reply; 'he told me it was abso-
lutely necessary that l should have a
little change
1.-THE Empress Of Austria sits alternate
ly on either side of her horse, says an
article on "Horsemanship for Women.
Everybody will be glad to hear that she
sits that way alternately and not stimuli
taneously. .--Is7re Haute Etpress.
Constituent 60 newly-elected Con-
gresham, You're pretty big man
now, ehf' Congressman-"E "Er-wel /
don't know. ! did lay that fattering
JUNCTION TO my soul until saw my moth
er-in-law scornfully sizing me up. n-Neae
York JoUrHdL.
"How does it happen that the couple
over the way live so happily together
! They have been married now twenty two
years and have never yet had dispute.
No wonder; she goes out teaching
music all day long away from home and
he is q night editor on daily paper"
Housemaid There is a gentleman
downstairs, MN, VINO is almost pulling
the bell out, and says he wants the key
to the fire alarm box" Mistress crushing
to the mirror)-"Ask him 10 send up his
card, and tell him l will be down in a
few minutes. '-BurlsRgtOa Ffee Press