Morning journal and courier., 1889-07-15
WANTS.

The watering place girl wants three square
meals q day and round dances at night
New Orleans Pioayune.
He-"Can't you keep secrets" She-Yes,
on one condition" He-sWhat is thatf'
She (frankly)-"Provided don't know it."
Burlington Free Press.
Omaha teacher elbow many of the
planets were known to the ancients!" Omaha
youth-"Why, enus-and-Mars-and I
guess the earth, but ! wouldn't be sure."-
Omaha World.
Mr.. Phunnyman-"My dear, did you know
that Noah understood all about electricityP'
Mrs. Phunnyman-"No; did hes' Mr.. p
"Why, yes; he made the arc light on Ara
at."-Philadelphia Press.
eyes, Mr.. Baker loves me more than he
used to Mr.. Parker" sIndeed. What
leads you to think SO, Mrs. Bakera" s'Why,
the dear fellow has discharged the handsome
est servant girl in the house. New York
Sun.
"Why do you poison yourself with that
vile stuff" asked the prohibitionist of the
tramp. "Cause its the best I kin afford.
You don't expect poor workin' man to be a.
blowin' hisself agin champagne cocktails, do
youa"-Terre Haute Express.
Omaha belle (who has grown weary of
waiting for proposal)-"I fear you would
not make good soldier, Mr.. Timid." Mr..
Timid-"Why, whatever gave you that un-
favorable impressiona" Omaha belle-"O,
you seem to be 80 afraid to enter an engage
ment. Omaha World.
Daughter cher father O. dentist)-"For
heavens sake, Charlie, here comes my fa-
| ther! If he finds us together we are lost. .
Charlie-"What shall dor Either ask for
my hand in marriage or else sit down in
this chair and let him pull couple of teeth
to disarm suspicion. ."-Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Nickleby --"John, here is letter
want you to mail. It's to my sister, Mrs.
Brown" Nickelby-"Ehs Why your sis
ter isn't married." Mrs. Niokelby-s'No
but she will be by the time you remember tt
Brown in two years."-Lawrence American
Employer-"Are you watchful and pru
dent in looking after business interestsa
Applicant for position-"I have carried tn
same umbrella over two years without losinl
it or having it stolen" Employer-'Thel
you may have entire control of my extensiv
business and name pour own salary
Omaha World.
Miss Vassarbred-"Oh, Emily 1 under
stand that you took the prize offered by tn
Ladies' Magazine for the best essay writte
by young lady under 30s' Miss Homebre'
l-"Yes; somehow I got it, don't kno1
how. Did you competea' Miss Vassarbret
eyes; sent them my graduation essay o.
"The Buddhistic Extinction of Desire" Wha
did you write on2 Miss Homebred-"Ho,
to Knit Patch in Stocking. g."-Burltngto
Free Press.
"Well," said Uncle Hiram, who used
belong to singing club in his early days, 81
never heard a woman play like that woma
we heard In Boston the other night. 1t ws
just awful. My ears ache even now" eyes,
replied his nephew, "she was rather louc
that's fact. But then her execution
"George," exclaimed the old gentleman, ,as b
seized his nephew by the arm, "you don
mean to say they went 30 far as thats Wei
tisn't for me to judge them. I only hear
her once. 1t seems terrible-a woman, tot
but then they had to listen to her every nigt
and they won't have to hear her again. Pei
haps it's all for the best, George. "-Bosto
Transcript.
Our little place was somewhat stirred u
last week over a runaway. Mr.. Griffin ws
bringing Mrs. johnson and Mrs. Lewis frol
the train, and, as he was assisting Mrs. Lew
, is from the carriage, the horse started to ru
with Mrs. johnson and her baby still in tt
: wagon, and could not be stopped. 1t final
3 barrel, threw the wagon over and Mrs. Johl
not seriously injured. The horses INTEL
gence was remarkable, as it left the wage
7 at wagon shop, portion of the harne
] stopped at M. II. Humiston's harness sho
and itself stopped at q livery stable. It's
| wonder it didn't send a doctor to pic
@ | up the pieces.-Owego Times Correspondent