davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
COMING ADJUSTMENTS.

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row sconcry and costumes will no uscd.
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49, =,
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

house. She thinks her right to the father
is greater than the wife's right to the hus-
band. don't want such man.
JENNIE Fry.
Editor Critic. I don't want a doctor, for
the simple reason that when / think he is
attending serious case OF peritonitis he
may be at the walking-match hurrahing for
the Omaha Cyclone or for the beautiful
Lady Macbeth.
don't want him because he is so like the
Irishman's flea. SYLVIA
A CARDINAL CRIME.
A man whose hair is 1amingly red
May do for some girls, maybe;
But not for one who looks ahead
And thinks Of that poor baby.
f. s.
Dear Critic: don't want cross-eyed
man, because every other woman will fancy
he is looking at her.
don't want an ambitious man, because
in his effort for self he will forget his
wife.
don't want politician, because, under
the new order, he might be made Secretary
Of the Pumpkin Department.
don't want n soldier, because there
might be no war and he might not be
killed. CLARA.
DOESN'T WANT AN N. G.
Editor Critic: There's only one kind Of q
man that shall be particular to avoid, and
that is the Member Of Congress. He be-
longs to the ephemera and is up to-day and
down tomorrow. He is mere food for the
trout that glidesin the waters OF society.
As long as he is up and futtering about in
the sunshine he is well enough, but when
he Is down he gets further down than any
other human creature. He falls harder,
because he flies higher. Spare me from a
Member OF Congress. DIscoSsoLATE.
NOT HE.
A man who wears big moustache
That's always in the soup,
Who often thinks he's made mash,
And tries to make scoop;
Who feels that he is quite the sage,
The tiger Of the tea,
Is well enough to fill the cage
OF some menogerie;
But for husband, no-sir-ee.
A thing like that is not for me.
JANE.
METROPOLITAN CLUB MAN.
Editor Critic: don't want man who is
not member of the Metropolitan Club
because he would interfere enjoy
men. --,1'r r.s' -
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
GIRLS WHO ARE IN DEMAND.

The girls that are wanted are good girls
Good from the heart TO the lips;
Pure as the lily Is white and pure,
From It's heart to It's sweet leaf tips
The girls that are wanted are home girls
Girls that are mothers right hand,
That fathers and brothers can trust TO,
And the little onos understand,
Girls that are fair on the hearthstone,
And pleasant when nobody see3
Kind and sweet to their own folks,
Ready and anxious to please.
The girls that are wanted are wise girls,
That know what 10 do or say,
That drive with smile or soft word
The wrath of the household away.
The girls that are wanted are girls Of sense,
Whom fashion can never deceive;
Who can follow whatever Is pretty,
And dare what Is silly to leave
The girls that are wanted are careful girls,
Who count what a thing will cost,
who use with prudent, generous hand,
But see that nothing Is lost,
The girls that are wanted are girls with
hearts;
They are wanted for mothers and wives
Wanted 20 cradle in loving arms
The strongest and fraiiest lives.
The clever, the witty, the brilliant girl
There are few who can understand,
But, Oil tor the wise, loving, home girls
There's constant, steady demand
--[Exchange
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
Noble and Filley.
(St, Louis Republic.)

NSt. LOUIS NepuDIlCJ
Notwithstanding the attack made by Gen
eral Noble on Mr. Filley in the Republican
State League Convention held in this city
last December, the claim is made that the
incoming Secretary Of the Interior favors
"Old Regularity's claim to the postmaster
ship. A prominent Republican stated yes
terday that he had heard General Noble re-
mark that Filley should have the postoliice.
Mr., Filley some time ago came to the con-
clusion to lay low and say nothing, and he
has kept his resolution. Very few OF those
who call at his Beaumont street residence
are granted an audience He has discussed
the outlook with only his immediate friends
and they loudly proclaim that "the old
man" will be well taken care of, notwlth-
standing adverse reports.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
Our Isthmus Rights.
[st. louis Globe.pcmocrat. ]

lSt. LOUIS GloDe-Dcmocrat.l
The appropriation of $1,000 for the pro-
lection OF American rights on the Isthmus
of Panama is entirely justifable. We have
certain treaty rights in that quarter which
are very Important and great deal of
American capital has been invested there
under guarantees which our Government
is bound to insist upon at any cost. Itmay
be that no occasion will arise for resort
to extreme measures but the interests at
stake are so valuable that 1t is proper to
provide means for defending them in case
IL should become necessary.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
A CABINET LuLLAnY.

Soft murmurs such as these
Lull now the small McKees,
When waves of silence deep
Break on the shores of sieepl
"llush, dmllngs, do not fret
Rest now, each precious pct,
Grandpa's new Cabinet
Is much belated
Rock-a-by-tmough the dusk
Gilmmer the eyes Of Rusk,
Miller the corn will husk-
For that he's slated
Mindom may keep the cash
dreams press each dropping LASH;
upfrom each slate smash
smiles Wanamaker.
BLine's ghost Is on the lawn,
Esee's has come and gone
soop they'll be catching on
10 Uncle sam's pay-car.n
--LChicago News
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
CRITICULAR.
pLAcxBuRS vs.. CHANDLER.

BLACKBURN vs.. CHANDLER.
Have You heard of the fight in Committee
How Blackburn and Chandler in fine
Old English derided each other
And Joseph climbed Williyam's spinc9
Or, rather, how Joe OF Kentucky,
Neglecting the spine OF his dear
Old friend from the wilds Of New Hamp-
shire,
Devoted himself to his ear.
They say II was perfectly awful
When Joseph got In his wild nip
On the aural appendage of William,
And nothing could loosen his grip;
Till Faulkner came up to the rescue,
And, after the fashion, you know,
OF stopping dog fight he emptied
A bucket OF water on Joe.
OF course, to q man from Kentucky,
The hydropath treatment Is tough;
And Joseph let go in hurry,
For one dose was plenty enough.
Except for the foresight of Faulkner,
'Tis said by the persons who know,
That nothing beneath the blue heavens
Could have made Mr.. Blackburn let go.
And now let us sing of its glory
Cold water and not Bourbon straight
For Blackburn is dampened in ardor,
And Chandler is saved to the State.
The soldier gets there by feats of arms,
while the pedestrian gets there by feats of
feet.
II It had been Judge Rucker in committee
and not Senator Chandler what would SEN
ator Blackburn have done?
Well bred people are not always the
upper crust.
In Society:
"Don't you want man Of mind when
you marry9' asked K-street girl of a
friend.
"Not particularly" was the reply. ~
want man to mind, though, and II he
doesn't-well, he'll hear from me pretty
quick"
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
THE CoMMIssIoNERsHIp.

The confirmation of William b. Webb
10 succeed himself as Commissioner of
the District of Columbia is something
the Senate will not err in granting.
There have been attacks on Mr.. Webb,
but only from those inspired by per-
sonal motives, and he is the undoubted
choice for the place of the better class
of citizens. The business community
want him. Those who have at heart
the interests of the District want him.
No stronger Endorsement in favor of a
citizen of Washington has ever been
presented to Congress than that asking
the confirmation of Mr.. Webb. He was
born in Washington, grew to manhood
here, is known to everybody, and has
the respect and confidence of all classes.
He is patriotic citizen of the District,
and earnest and enthusiastic in ad-
vancing Its progress. He has while in
office won the regard of Congress and
can exert just influence. with that
body, because his good judgment is re-
lied upon. Not to confirm him would
be an error.
No new man could perform the
duties of Commissioner as well as Mr.
Webb. His three years experience has
made him familiar with the needs Of
the District rs he was previously with
its laws, Wcbb's Digest being an ac-
knowledged authority. He has served
faithfully, has little more than begun a
career of usefulness in the place he oc-
cupies and should by all means be al
lowed TO continue it. 1t is, in one re-
spect, simple business proposition.
No commercial mouse would discharge
"a tried and efficient head of depart
ment for mere whim and to make
place for some amateur in the work, and
the same law of common sense which
applies TO private matters applies to
public affairs. To dispense with the
services of such man would be q
folly.
Some of his assailants have claimed
that Mr.. Webb is not as radical Re-
publican as he should be and there
should be objection to his confirmation
on such ground. The assertion is
simply and unqualifledly false. Mr..
Webb was staunch and TRUE at u time
when to be Republican meant some
thing in the District of Columbia;
staunch when his present defamers
were time-serving shirkers of duty, and
he has always remained so. THE
CmTIc does not believe that partisan.
ship should exist in the management of
District affairs, and, since the question
has been raised, 1t is well that the facts
should be put squarely.
What Is to be considered is simply
whether or not William B. Webb, NOM
mated for the District Commissioner
ship, is the man for the place and the
choice of majority of the people OF
the District He has shown his ability
and trustworthincss in the position al
ready; he has the experience, which
tloubly qualities him; he is desired by
the respectable portion of the commu'
nifty. His confirmation should certainly
follow,
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
May Pull Himself.

boston icralu'I
The New York Tribune holds out rather
dismal prospect to General Harrison. 1t
ellis him he must expect to be pulled this
way, hauled that way, and showed t'other
way. supposing General Harrison should
take notion to do the pulling aud haul
ing and showing himselfS That would be
rather more digniiled
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
Is Divorce a Failure?
IOmaha Republican.1


Marriage may be failure, but what is
divorce? In Chicago they have machines
in the slot of which man may drop
nickel and secure divorce, and yet 1t is
the prevailing fashion among Chicago hus-
bands to shoot their wives and then them
selves
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23


As for the minor matters of hair, eyes,
mustache, ETC., take 1t they do not enter
into the spirit Of your inquiries.
One WHO STILL HOPES.
CLEARLY PUT.
WASHINGTON, Feb. 22.--Elitor Critic:
The kind of husband do not want is one
who lacks manliness, who does not exhibit
a strict sense OF honor and all courage, just
as he would exact absolute chastity and
gentleness from a woman, and who Is well
regarded among men. would rather have
him poor and help him as / might, than
have him well-to-do anda mere trader /
do not want one who is lacking in educa-
tion and delicate tastes. Much may be
forgiven in the man who has not the points
/ have named. NJ. L. 5.
PIQUANT AT LEAST.
WAsuINGToN, Feb. 19.-Editor Critic:
The one kind OF husband don't want Is
the husband I've got Is that sufficiently
to the point9 Mrs. NJ. N
street southeast,
NO EGoTIsT DESIRED.
WAsHISGToS, Feb. 49, Editor Critic:
don't want that kind OF husband, who
thinks want him. | have found by OBJ
servation that that sort of man does not
make life as pleasant for woman as she
is worthy of, even though she is not the
worthiest. Miss BERTHE IL.
IN THE MAJORITY,
GEORGETOWN, Feb. 20.--Editor Critic.
There are husbands and husbands, and the
kind one does not want usually exceeds
every other variety SO largely that I'm
quite willing to continue in single blessed
ness. B. q. r.
not TOO PARTIC ULAR.
WAsHNGToS, Feb. 1S.--Elitor- Critic:
Why do you ask what kind Of husband us
women don't want? Don't you know we
all do want? don't think there is living
woman who can say there is any kind of O
husband she doesn't want She may say SO
now, but after years OF waiting she gets
wilinger and the "anything, Lord" period
comes to all of us. / don't think 1t Is any
of your business what kind of husband
don't want MARY N.
BASE sCoUNDREL.
ROCKVILLE, MD, Feb. 10.-Editor Critic.
! don't want husband that doesn't want
me;
/ don't want a husband that takes his tea;
don't want a husband that stays out late
| l don't want husband that thinks he's
great;
| don't want husband that has no cash;
| don't want husband that's on the mash;
| don't want husband that won't and can;
| don't want a husband-for Pm man.
Yours, w. III, ATALIE.
| A widower with grown daughter is q
thing that abominute. Nothing would in
duce me to form partnership with any
man whose fortune in the matter OF chill
-dren is already made. No woman could
enjoy married life at its close without
having had some share In its earlier accom-
plshment. Besides, the "grown daughter
! is always in the way OF the mistress Of tn,
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

A NEW HAMPSHIRE heir gets $1,000 a
gear and quarter Of a million additionally
every ten years on condition that he keeps
sober. This is the highest price, probably,
ever paid to man for being good to him
eplf
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

MARY ANDERSON is reported to have
been in tears recently because some critic
discovered that she was no actress. Mary
Anderson should not cry; she should rather
be very grateful that the fool public didn't
discover the same thing long time ago.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

THE IARRIsoNs are pac king up their
furniture in indianapolis, preparatory to
coming to Washington, but so far nobody
has seen anything Of Mr.. HIS cabinet In
any of the wagons.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
I'M USEMENTS.
A LONG THE LINE OF MARcH.

~
Pennsylvania Avenue Viewing Stands at nth
18th, 9th and 9TH streets.
The strongest and best constructed stands
and erected with view of absolute security
ana comfort.
The only stands from which clear and un
ohstructed view can be had of the inaugural
parade while marching.
Comfortable numbered chairs to correspond
with numbered coupon tickets only sold.
You can come and go at will. Your coupon
ticket entities you to this privilege.
Gentlemanly ushers engaged TO see that
patrons have their proper seats.
Each grand stand under the supervision of
an able and competent manager.
From aforementioned stands the compet-
tive drills of the Flambeau Clubs ON the
evening of March can be seen.
Coupon chair seats now ON sale at Droop'S,
92b fennsylyaniaayenu for stands at Ith aud
9Th sts., and at Alller n lIerber's, lil1 Penn
sylyania avenue, for the two stands In front
OF National Theatre. Prices, 81, 81 S95O and
So, according to location,
JULIUS LANSBURGH
Business ONCE, 025 Penna, ave,
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
Necessity for Caution.

Chicago Herald
II Messrs. Cleveland and Edgcrton do
not have a care, the present Administration
will 20 out with bad taste IN its mouth.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

GoyERSoR WILSON and General GofT Of
West Virginia having agreed to comHo-
mise, the earnest people of that far from
prairie State may begin to think about their
spring plOwing.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

An ASS was what General Rosser made
OF himself in his speech at Baltimore last
night when he declared that "a southern
gentleman can whip puritanical yankee
my time.n
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

THE British view is that the dismissal OF
Lord sackylle was uncalled for and In bad
taste-a mere piece Of politics. The mel
ancholy fact is, too, chat the British view is
about right.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
Treading on Truth.

TTerro Haute ENpress.J
Little Johnny (reading the paper for
grandpa) "Doings Of the Diplomatic
Corpse"
Grandpa-Good Lord Won't they ever
let up on Bayard
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
il62.
."spaper 1894.

- "opaper l3vf.
ooal used as fuel 1884.
Lead pencils used 1894.
Window-glass used 694.
First gold coin B, c. 20G.
Tobacco introduced 1888.
First steam railroad 1880.
First postage stamps 1910.
Kerosene introduced 1926.
First Illuminating gas 1903.
Electric light invented 1874.
Iron found In America 1915.
First insurance, marine, 533.
First wheeled carriages 1889,
First American express 1921.
Musical notes introduced 1873.
Latin ceased to be spoken $50.
Bible translated into Saxon 63,.
Gunpowder used by Chinese so.
Bible translated into Gothic S72.
Photographs first produced 1902.
Old testament finished B. G. 430.
Emancipation proclamation 1868.
Paper mace by Chinese b. g, 220.
Bible translated into English 1853
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

GOVERNOR LEE of Virginia believes In a
white mans government for Virginia. If
the colored brother should become an en-
thuslastlc Democrat, the Governors be-
lief might undergo partial change.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
AMISENIENTs.

ALBAuGHs--"The Henrietta"
NArIoHAI.-"Miss Esmeralda."
Blou-"My Partner"
Eil,NAS's-Lcavitts Folly Co.
GioDE-Varcties.
CyoIoRANA-- Battle Of Shiloh and Uffner's
Doynl MIdgCts.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

- The TARIFF REFORM Convention In Chi
rago and its taGfy to Mr.. Cleveland are
somewhat in the nature Of cold baked
meats after the funeral.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

CHARLES A. DANA and Murat Halstead
have organized the Bust-Cleyeland or Bust
Trust and have begun operations In New
York and Cincinnati.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

WHEN THE DOORS Of Mr.. Harrison's
Cabinet are opened the odor of the wild
and woolly West will slowly but surely
cxude and permcatc the circumambient at
moeplerc
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

IT Is REPORTED now that Prince Alex
andtr of Battenberg is to marry an opera
singer. From the Queen Of England's
daughter to daughter of the stage is a
great step, but there may be the lack Of u
mothcr-in-law as an Offset
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

tasteful to Canadian ears. This is not sur
rising. The term "unionn used in Amcri-
can newspapers would be more suitable
and courteous and induce better feeling.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
rook u 10 lle nn EarthqunI.e.

Mark Twain relates that he was awakened
from sound sleep by the collapse of the
Park Central Hotel, Hartford. He thought
that something had happened TO his own
house and sprang out Of bed In an agony Of
dismay When he learned that his house
was uninlured he looked out of the win
dows to see which Of lis neighbors had
been overwhelmed. The hotel was more
than mile from his house. -. New lork
World. IN
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

Mr.. RooER @. MILLS should slip him
self into his Tariff bill and get reformed.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

SENATOR BLAoKBuRS seems bound 70 re
elect Senator Chandler.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

Mr. DANA and Mr.. Cleveland will not
speak as they pass by when Mr.. Q. moves
20 New York.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

A scotchman in the picturesque and airy
costume of the Highlands boarded train
at Lyons the other day bound for Nice,
Two French ladies were in the carriage and
the moment the Highland laddie made his
appearance they were terrified, aud rushed
ON the platform yelling for help
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

A CAsADIAs ORATOR, speaking before
I he Union League Club In Chicago, said
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

The soldier gets there by feats of arms,
while the pedestrian gets there by feats Of
feet.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

Well bred people are not always the
upper crust.
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23

II 1t had been Judge Rucker in committee
and not Senator Chandler what would Sen
ator Blackburn have done?
The Washington critic., 1889-02-23
HUSBANDS THEY DON'T WANT.

THE CRITIo's request that ladies should
tell through its columns something Of the
nnd of husbands they don't want has
brought numerous replies. Some of these
are admirable In the keen intuition and
good sense they show, and they are printed
gladly. 1t would be hard to find more in
tcresting matter. 1t makes good reading
for men and women alike. A number of
the letters referred to are here given;
KEEN OBSERVER.
WASHINGTON, Feb. 20.-Editor Critic:
l haven't any husband myself, and the
more see Of my friends husbands, the
more varieties of the Species find that |
don't want. My friends tell me that I'd be
much happier married, but when contrast
their positions with my own must confess
to being reminded of the fox who was be-
rcft OF his tail. I'm not bit Of man
hatcr. think a manly, intelligent man is
one of the most delightful OF created OBJ
iects. I'm not particularly anxious to be
an sold maid" but think that decidedly
preferable to marrying "the kind Of hus-
band don't want" viz, TO wit, namely:
A goody-goody man. q preacher or $. $.
superintendent, "beauty" man, an un-
tidy one, selfish or a jealous one, man
who smokes from Ave to twenty cigars per
day and breaches economy to his wife; a
man who chews tobacco or smokes cigar
cites. Good cigars are oil right, but
draw the line at cigarettes. A man who
doles out small amounts to his wife, first
making her tell him just what she Is going
TO do with It, and makes her feel like a
convicted pickpocket when she has to ask
for money for household expenses. Inger-
soil may be ON in6del, but he could give
some Christians points on this subject. A
man who is continually criticising his wife
before children, visitors and servants;
man who is charming, courteous and simply
delightful to every woman except his wife;
one who believes that every man is su-
perior to all women, and fancies he proves
his superiority by continual slurs on every
thing feminine. There are several more
on my ''little list" but I'm afraid this will
be too long X. NJ. d.
A GOOD IDEAL.
WASHINGTON, Feb. 21.--Editor Critic: l
hear you want to know what kind of hus-
band the girls do not want. think you