Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-03-01
SMILES GALORE

Puck.
STICKING plaster is what should be
on the walls of houses.-Ne1r Orleans
Picayetaae. -...
ISancient times everybody played the
Tyre. Nowadays. the liar plays every
body.-Merchaaat Traveller.
SOMEBODY has invented "waist at
tachment, " but the girls say the right
arm will never go out of general use
Rochester Post-Eapress.
DISTANCE is often measured "as the
crow flies, " while the height OF an opera
house is measured by the theater flies.
Rochester Post-Erpress.
'"YEs," said Mrs. Porcine, I'm mighty
afraid of ghosts, but then I keep them
away from me by wearing an omelet
round by neck. "-Je,relers' Weehly.
An exchange says the best sculptor's
clay is found near Baltimore. Wrong.
Canova was the best sculptor, and his
clay reposes in Florence. Christ
mas Puck.
"A GOOD woman is seldom the cause of
any evil. It was not Eve, but crawl
ing reptile that dispossessed the Adam
family of its pleasant presumption.
Buffalo Express.
HE-H you will be mine, Louise, 1
will lead you through life like an angle.
She-That is, with nothing to eat and
nothing to wear. No, I thank YOU
Fiegende Blatter.
NOTHING takes the conceit out of an
adoring young man like pretty girl;
and nothing inspires conceit in pretty
girl SO much as an adoring young man.
l-SomeruiNe journal.
Miss TRAv1s-Don't you think my
new dress is too sweet for anything?
Miss DeSmith-O, lovely-exquisite!
do believe your dressmaker could make
a beanpole look graceful. Burlington
Free Press.
"Do TELL me about it, Miss Clara"
said Simply, eagerly; "I'n all ears"
3Huh!" said Clara's little brother,
that's chestnut Clara told ma you
were all ears last night. I heard her"
Troy Times.
AN usher in Kansas church has
turned out to be burglar. His down.
fall probably dates from the time when
he began putting strangers in pews
where a draft would strike them
Chicago Neys.
odd you hear about the burglar who
was arrested this morning?" "No.
What for?" "For breaking into song"
"Is that SOP" "Yes. He got through
two bars when some one hit him with q
stave. Scranton Truth.
"CHARLEY SM1THERsoN is nice young
man, don't you think" said one young
woman to another Eyes; but I don't
like his collars" "Why not?" "He
always looks as if he had fallen into one
and couldn't get out. "-hercha,et
Traveller.
"MR BROWN" said the milkman, "you
sent me the wrong check. This is drawn
to the order of the Board of Water Com
missioners. "Why, so it is" replied
Mr.. Brown, and then he added, "natu-
raj mistake, though, Mr.. Pump-very."
I-Ha'per's Bazaar.
@Sm," said she, do you expect me, a
saleslady in Tapely & Jaxon's dry goods
emporium, to marry a common clerk?"
Il am not common clerk" he an
swered; II am salesgent.' She fell
into his arms and 'murmured, "Iam
thine. "-Terre Hoalte E1press.
MISSIONARY Gin a PRISON. My poor
friend, I suppose you regard these walls
with hatred, but ~ Prisoner-Re-
gard them with hatred? No indeed,
regard them with gratitude. They are
my protection. I am in for bigamy, and
both wives are furious. Philadelphia
Record.
"THE ideal country is that where there
are no classes" sighed young Mr..
Honeymoon. "But there are no classes
in this county, Alfred said his fair
young bride, stirring the batter for the
cakes. "Yes, there are. There are
cooking classes" rejoined Alfred, and
again he sighed deeply.-Ha,per's
Bazaar.
LILLIAN with concealed disdain) And
did you really mean this lovely work
bag for me? Ethel with virtuous COM
placency)-Yes, dear. I'm so glad if
you like it. 1t was such pleasure to
make it when I thought it would be for
you. Lillian (who has seen the same
thing on Cashboy & Cheaply's so cent
bargain counter)-O, you dear darling,
it was too good of you to take SO much
trouble just for ME. But isn't it funny.
our coachman gave the cock one Just
like it!-Time.
i HOODOoED
is done gone lose my mascot
An rs no good any mo-,
Fo'I's hoodooed shu' as shootin'
A.