Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1889-02-09
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.

A FALSE start-An elopement.
A scREw-DRIvER-The engine Of o
steamship.
A TrME-TABLE-The watch dealers
price list.
PRoMssoRY notes are frequently
classed as paper-waits.
A LADY invited to party sent her
regrets. Her husband came.
THERE promises to be great deal Of
back talk in the photograph,
TIME never flies SO fast as when You
are playing billiards by the hour.
They call it "duck of a bonnet
because there is so much bill to it.
The way for doctor to become we'll
known is to make his patients we'll.
"THERE are no flies on me, said a
stage after the theater burn ed down.
A WISE man will never lift lid off a
hot stove With his fingers more than
once.
To THE youth struggling with an in
cipient mustache the darkest hour is
Just before the down"
IL WILL now put on my falls suit"
said the guide at Niagara as ho pre-
pared to go under the cataract.
ALL the New York papers are CON-
planning that our gold is going abroad.
1t can probably afford the trip.
A GIRL may not see much in her
sweetheart to laugh at, but his mus
tache is pretty sure to tickle her.
WE will either have to quit taking
wood on subscription or lose a good
deal of confidence in human nature.
THERE is only the difference of an S
between woman's weakne, IS and mans
weakness: One is gossip and the other
is go sip.
Social rh;losopher-Is marriage a
failure? Furniture man Great Scot
No. I've made $4,000 this year on baby
coaches alone.
A FASHION exchange says: Bangs
Are again in order" Some of them are
not. In fact, we've seen some very
much out of order.
John, You are not listening to one
word l am SAYING" why, my dear, !
am all ear" II know you are, and that
makes it all the more provok n.y."
THE photograph shows that a mans
voice has not the same sound to him.
self that it has to others, thus finally
explaining why some people persi,t in
singing.
BLINKs-Th;nk your wife would oh.
ject to having you go Of duck shooting
with me? Jinks afraid she would
if / asked her, but I'll tell my little son
to order her TO let me 60. She always
obeys him.
SHE-Now you know there is no use
for you to go out and see ma1 this
time, like you do at home. You don't
know soul in the city He-No, !
don't know soul but i expect to meet
few spirits 1 am acquainted with.
GEORGE, dear, what beautiful dia-
mond butterfly! looks ready to fly. !"
IL don't see why it wants to fy,'
growled George. Heaven knows it's
high enough now. The roll, late
counter is at the other end of the
store. Come on"
VISITOR Ito pr s-rc oms of y news
paper)-Why, dear me-, whit lot o;
machinery you have in this room
Pre- ssman-Yes. V.-And what a big
boiler you have there PIT is big
loiler. Wis that the boiler you use
for boiling down your dispatches.
CASHIER stopping Mr.. Dumley).-
BY the way, Dumley, 1 see that your
bank account is overdrawn to the tune
of $50. Dumley-All right, old man
if you send boy down to my office
with statement of the whole business,
I'll give you check for the amount.
"Au," said Mr.. Scourplate, grimly,
as he adjusted his necktie, "we ave to
put hup with the airs of these society
people hall day; but when evenink
comes, me boy, they show wot the truly
gentael is by puttink on the Dire IS that
we wear al day" That's so, replied
Mr.. Crumb 10th with o grave rod.
"You ave a great 'ead, Tummi. we
walters be the real lea lers of fashion.
HosTEss-I must apologize for the
salad tonight. My parlor maid usu-
ally makes the dressing, and is an adept
at it, but she was taken ~ denly i'll
this aft, rnooa ard couldn't make it.
Mrs. Asinine OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
very provoking. HcstGs Yes; / tried
to dose her we'll, but it was of no use.
She was quite hors du combat. Mrs.
Asinine(more sympathetic yl-Is that
so? My unfailing remedy for that is
peppermint.