Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-02-14
THE ANCIENT MARINER.
A Story of English Society and Politics of the
Present Time.

Present Time.
Mr.. Reginald Pippin is sixty years of
age, and he considers himself to be the
worst used man in the party to which he
belongs. Pippin is a conservative. But
if all Conservatives were like Mr.. Regin-
aid Pippin, that highly respectable body
of politicians would cease to exist, for
at one time Mr.. Pippin's sole occupation
in life was that of abusing the party
generally, and the members of the gov
eminent individually, for their brutal in
difference to his services.
On the death of his father be inherited
large fortune, G., 600 of which he spent
in contesting the ancient and iDcorrupt-
ible borough of Drumham. Here he was
defeated, because his opponent spent
10000. The fact Is Pippin was little
stingy. Nevertheless, this unsuccessful
assault upon Drumham he regarded as
his chief claim on the consideration of
the Conservatives, and ne was always IN
derstood as including 1t in "the thous-
ands" which he was eternalLy Boosting of
having spent for the cause.
Another of his claims was the fact that
he was one of the founders of the Junior
Conservatory, a very successful organize
ton, which had its political committee
impalpable thing known as the, party.
It was in the rooms of this political es-
tabIishment that Mr.. Pippin sought day
and night for victims. He intercepted
whips on their way TO the house. He
button-holed pig-wigs of all kinds. Old
stRgers, seeing him approach, fed out in
to the streets and flung themselves into
a passing hanson. But young men fell
into his clutches unawares. By these
younger spirits he was spoken of as "The
Ancient Mariner"
This nickname was bestowed on him by
Lord Cinquewarden. His lordship was
leaving rhe billiard room with young
Marzials, when the disappointed politi-
clan bore down on him, and placing his
hand on the nobleman's arm, commence
in the querulous tones habitual with him:
''I've been slIghted again by the
partyP'
The O'Mulligan, ford Irish giant,
was descending the steps of the club as
Mr.. Reginald Pippin was ascending.
The iliused man stopped this rather
rude aud errAtic Hibernian, and COM
msnoed the record of his wrongs.
"And what" exclaimed The O'Mulligan,
in his most mellifuous Doric, "what dye
expect the pawrty to do for ye except it
is to bury ye?"
This was an affront which the exceII-
ent Pippin could not brook. At sixty he
considered himself a relatively young and
active man, of unlmpaired powers and
rare experience. So he reported to the
committee, who suggested an apology to
the delinquent, which was rendered with
great hesrtiness by the The O'Mulligan,
and accepted by Mr.. Pippin with crush
ing sOlemnity.
There was one member of the Junior
Conservatory who would have listened all
day long to the garrulous babble of the
Ancient Mariner; but, strange to say, OF
all men in the club this exceptional man
was the one of all others TO whom Mr.
Pippin declined to impart mis- condolences
His brother members congratulated him
on his immunity. Jack Ramsden, the
exceptional mortal, was, however, sad
thereafter Jack was in love with Pip
pins only daughter. Pippin had other
ideas with respect TO this young lady, and
expected, perhaps, that the government
which refused honors for himself might
find an eligible alliance for his child.
Jack was, it is true, nephew to peer.
His own position, however, was that of
clerk in the foreign office at e400 6
year. Pippin was Aastounded at the
audacity of Ramsden, and forbade his
daughter Kate TO encourage his impu-
dent advances. But the two secretly
loved one another, and their engagement
was coBnived at by the mother an IN.
worldly woman, who wished above all
things to secure the happiness of her
daughter, and who had sufficient penetre.
tion to value her husbands services to
the party at their proper worth. There
are some things in which wife is justi-
fed in deeeiving her husband. And
adopting this view, Mrs. Pippin-she
was daughter of old Ribston, and did
not come to her husband empty handed
affected TO sympathize with her Regi-
maids grievances and to antici pate the
day when the party would reward him foI
his services.
These were periods of great peace and
Joy in the Junior Conservatory. Those
members who had been driven by the
Ancient Mariner into the outer world
would return to their swagger establish.
meut in Pail Mall. The Lord CLIQUE
warden and MaIzials and The O'Mulligan
would meet together and plot and treas on
against the absent one.
During the last visit of the ilIustrious
but neglected party man to Monte Carlo
the three WORTHLESS above mention ed were
discussing him in the smoking room.
''What pity this pace and quiet are
not eternal, sighed The O'Mulligan, pitch
ing away his cigarette.
No grumbling at the ministry" said
Msrzials.
mo bullying on the maynials," added
The O'Mulligan.
ut does seem a shame that one feeble
old man should render existence here In
tolerable," volunteered Lord Cinouewar-
den.
"And it also seems strange that three
young men of average intellect are unable
TO hit upon plan whereby the nuisance
may be abated," said Marzials.
There was silence of some few min
utes as these victims of the Ancient Mar
liner Illuminated sadly and sought in the
ceiling of the room for a solution, as
though some plan from heaven might
drop through.
Suddenly The 0'Mulligan with bright
ened countenance, withdrew his eyes from
searching among the carvings above him
and striking the table before him, ex.
claimed with emphasis:
"I've got it!'
His companions drew nearer. The
Hibernian's secret was not one to be
shouted from the house-tops. He ex
planned the details of his plan in hurried
whispers. Little Brandondon, the mem
Der for Ossory, seated, at neighboring
table, could catch now aud again tt
name of Mr.. Reginald Pippin, but he
could not make out what was causing
such merriment to the trio. He guessed
however, that there was mischief afoot