New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-08-28
Funny Mems Fancies,

Il :
Perspiration never reigns but pores.
The tombstone is about the only
thing that can stand upright and
lie on it's face at the same time.
Fond Wife: I make my husband
happy by adding to his cares Mrs.
g.: Oh, do tell me what it is.Mrs.
j. w: / add an SIS. =
The Chicago Limited. Gazzam-
$50 young Briggs has taken a part
ner Tor life, has he?n mo, not-not
exactly for life. He married Chic
ago girl.Time.
Minnie-Itis no longer fashionable
to have the ears pierced. Minnie
Sol suppose you won't be called
upon any more to sing, will
you, dear?-Terre Haute Express.
Accepted Suitor-s.W Won't you find
it awkward when you meet your
other two husbands in heaven?"
interesting Widow-'I do Lot ex-
pect to meet either of them there. y
! Life.
First Omahan-ssOne must look
out for hpdrophobia this hot wealth
er. Do you know how to tell a mad
dog? Second Omahan-''H I had
anything to tell a mad dog should
do it by telephone" Omaha World
A foolish fellow was haunting a
neigbor on the length of his ears.
cts true" replied the latter, .sthat
my ears are rather long for q man;
but how uncommon short yours
are for a donkey!'
Flossie CATER the feast of the mel
ons Mamma she said, pressing
her hands YEARLY upon her stomach,
tiny sash is just like a window-sash,
isn't it?,' I'm what way, dear? ask
ed the mother, smilingly. Because
it's around the palms," she replied,
demurely. -Binghamton Republican.
Doctor-s'I see just what's the
matter with you. You need some
thing Strengthening. Eat plate Of
oatmeal boiled, every morning for
breakfast" Patient-s'I do Doctor"
Doctor( equal to the occasion)-
Then leave it off.
My little daughter caused quite a
laugh the other day Her grandpa
was joking her about sending her
away, when she unexpectedly said:
sGrandpa, what will ma and pa do
for some one to eat what is left at
meals if you send me away"
Mean Contractor (to workman
who fell from a three-story wall that
he was tearing down)-s'I'll have to
dock you for lost time" Workman
(unhurt )-''I thought [ was saving
time coming down that way. Next
time I'll take the ladder Y.
Sun.
Mrs. Prooftext (who remained at
home, sick Did you take up a col
lection this morning, my dear? Rev..
Mr.. Prooftext That's theologic-
al point which puzzles me, my love
whether collection where you don't
get anything can properly be called
a collection?"
Young Coachman Ito keeper of liv-
cry stable)-T'd like to get kicked by
a mule if you've got one. Stable
keeper-What for? 'sI'm going to
ask the boss if [ can marry his
daughter, and | want to see if I am
in condition to receive his reply.
Glow is your friend Schmidt
the milkman, coming on? DIE
has gone to watering place to re
cuperate his health. That's what
call gall He is indebted to the wat
er for all his wealth, and now he re-
lies on the water to restorehis health.
Texas Siftings.
An exchange remarks that moth
ers have trained our Presidents and
statesmen. True. They were fortu-
nate in having mothers. The only
man who ever made a success in life
without the training influence of the
mother was Adam. and he felt the
need of one before his career closed.
a Poets Dream. Miss Gushley-
sT so often 500 some one sn0Lnn nf'ac
being beautiful as poets dream.
Do you poets have more beautiful
dreams than we common mortals?''
Mr.. A. Tennyson FKzle-sI hardly
know. / generally dream of porter
house steaks, fried chickens and. that
sort of thing"
The quaint savings of children are
always more or less refreshing. A
little girl who accompanied by her
mother into town one day was very