The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1889-01-17
Living With Others.
Mrs. Angeline E. Alexander in Frank
Leslie's Sunday Magazine

ment, I shall endeavor to teach my
daughter the art of living with Others"
An art it is, and one that must be cul-
tivated with assiduity, patience, and
determination to succeed. Home ought
to be the nursery Of virtue and purity,
of happiness and truth; but children
should be taught that they need not
expect to find the same surroundings,
influences and tastes in the other homes
that they will in 8 few years enter.
Being forced into sharp contact with
the world, will compel US to live and
act in different manner from what
we are accustomed in the charmed cir
Gle of home.
Let US examine some of the princi-
piles that govern the practicability Of
living with others. A thorough convic-
ton that there are wide differences in
human nature and human intelligence
must be acquired at the commence
ment of social ethics. Out of this
knowledge spring nearly all the rules
that will apply to the art of living LII
peace with others. For, after all, peace
is the most that can generally be hoped
for in life's intercourse; happiness is a
rarer thing, and is often but the Sc
.quence Of that peace which is gained
only by concession-not concession
that involves principle, which would
create a false and deceitful kind Of
peace, as evanescent as unreal, but an
amiable yielding to the tastes aad
opinions OF others; compliance that
refuses 10 interfere unreasonably with
their pursuits; which will not indulge
in perpetual comments upon their &C
tions, which looks with tender charity
upon all their proceedings.
Another principle is, to avoid topics
that lead to disputes. Endeavor to
introduce subjects upon which all can
agree; or, if there be a difference OF
opinion, let the argument be conduct
ed pleasantly and in good humor, re-
membering that dissensions, like small
streams, gather as they flow. Be care
ful not to hint at matters upon which
Others are known to be sensitive, and
avoid repeating or commenting upon
hasty or unkind words. All, those ter
rible tongues of ours! What affections
have been piqued and estranged by
needless expressions! What pestilent
sloughs have been stirred with words
spoken in a sudden fit Of ill-humor! A
sneer, g 'shrug, becomes a poisoned ar
row that pierees the heart Of one dear
to US, who drifts away fron us for ever.
How necessary to be on ones guard, to
cultivate the tender tone and gentle
manner. Not only to do kind thing,
but to do it with goodwill. Many a
kind action misses the grateful feelings
it should win by the lack of gracious
ness in the doing. All these are indis-
pensably requisite to the useful art OF
living with others.
These, however, are but the surface
rules. There are still greater essentials
toward the acquisition of this great
boon life. The knowledge that you
may .a.n by an intimate and mutual
regart between yourself and another
shoul~ never be used to betray their
little foibles, or wound the sensitive
self-love inherent in every human
being. Tact in concealing this know
ledge will often do more to secure social
peace and regard than the greatest
favors we can shower upon oui asso-
ciates. There is peculiar form OF self
commendation that manifests itself in
unnecessary criticism, or an assump-
ton Of superior prescience, that will
most surely destroy the harmony of the
domestic circle. Whether it is by snch
provoking remarks as, didn't l tell
you so:" or, "Ifyou had consulted me-" ,"
or in elevating the eyebrows or shrug-
ging the shoulders when Others make
mistakes, rest assured it tortures them,
and they will learn to fear and avoid
you. The most amiable and confding
nature will shrink into itself under the
microscopic eyes Of a self-elected social
Judge, who is, either by words or ac-
tions, arraigning every one as culprits.
Let US beware Of indulging in a cap
tious and criticising disposition; where
we cannot conscientiously commend,
we can at least be reticent. The
cultivation of a genial, charitable and
loving spirit will not injule any Of US,
and will prove Of great benefit in our
intercourse with others.
There are but few wayfarers on the
broad path Of life who walk through
their journey free grit in their shoes.
Some have the rasping grit Of poverty
that kind Of impecuniosity which is
the sorrow of those who have to keep
up appearances on little, let what
may be the gasps underneath. Instead
of moaning after things unatEainable,
and lamenting their loss, it would be
better for ourselves and those with
whom we live to bound our desires by
their possibilities, and walk along as
bravely as We can, without showing
where the chafe is. Another has the
grit of disappointment invarious forms
of the heart, of fortune, of failure in our
plans. Whatever our hopes and
schemes, disappointment follows like a
shadow and shovels grit into our shoes
by the spadeful. 1t has to be borne.
Wry faces and loud clamor will not
make it easy for US, nor pleasant for
those with whom we live. We must
c,ororaf Sron2 nf