The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1889-07-11
The Arizona Kicker.

THE LAST STRAw.-For the last six months
Mai. Davis, of this burgh, has lost no oppor-
tunity of abusing US and boasting Of what he
would do if we did not step softly. The rea-
son for this conduct lies in the fact that The
Kicker not only called him horse thief, but
proved him bigamist besides Last Satur-
day the major, who has no more right to that
title than a mule has to that of professor
borrowed a shot gun and gave out that he
had camped on our trail and meant to riddle
our system with buckshot on sight. Word
was brought to us, and although we were
very busy at the time experimenting our
combined weekly newspaper, harness shop,
grocery, bazaar and gun store tall under one
roof, and the largest retail establishment in
Arizona,, we laid aside our work and went
over to Snyder's saloon in search of the major.
We found him, and we gave him such a whip
ping as no man in this town ever got before
He lies a broken and stranded wreck on the
shores of time, so to speak, and the doctor
saws it will be six weeks before he will find
| any more trails or do any more camping.
| SLIPPED CoG.-ln company with the
elite of this neighborhood we were invited to
the adobe of Judge Graham last Thursday
evening to witness the marriage of County
Clerk Dan Scott to the beautiful Arabella
johnson, only daughter of the aristocratic
Widow johnson, of Bay Horse flights The
widow had made spread worthy OF the days
of Cleopatra, and Dan had on new suit
sent by express from Omaha for the occasion
Everything passed of pleasantly until
o'clock, at which hour the bride was discov-
cred to be missing, and investigation soon
brought out the fact that she had gone dead
back on Dan and skipped the tra-la, what
ever that is, with bold cowboy named
| French Jim. She left meSsageto the effect
that she could never, never love man with
a cataract in his left eye, and that meant
Dan. There was a feast, but no wedding,
and Daniel will have to try again
! ExPLANAToRY.-Ass several versions of the
incident that occurred in our office Saturday
night are flying around town and have prob
ably been telegraphed all over the world, we
deem it but right to give the particulars as
they occurred:
We were seated in the editorial chair,
writing leader on the European situation,
when a rough character known around town
as ''Mike the Slayer" called in. As we had
never had word with the man, we suspect
ed no evil AS matter of fact we reached
for our subscription book, supposing, Of
course, that he wanted the best weekly in
America for a year The slayer then an
nounced that he had come to Stay us, not
because we had ever done him harm, but be-
cause the influence of the press was driving
out the good old times and customs
We retreated towards the door of our har-
ness department.
He pursued us with drawn knife.
| We then felt it our duty to draw our gun
and let six streaks of daylight through his
, body, and as he went down we stepped to the
door and sent boy for the coroner. 1t was
q clear case of self defense, and the inquest
was mere formality We lament the sad
occurrence, but no one can blame us. We
paid his burial expenses, and in another col
umn will be found his obituary, written in
our best vein and without regard to space.
/ No other Arizona editor has ever done half
J as much.
, No HARM DoNE.-The boys got after a
stranger the other evening who was pointed
out as horse thief, and ran him all over
town with the object of pulling him up to
limb In some manner he gave them the
slip, and in their zeal they got hold of Judge
Downey and held him up to limb for over
] minute before the error was discovered.
The Judge is gu-guing around with sore
throat and stiff neck and threatens to bring
, about fifty damage suits
Take friends advice, judge, and hush up
You got off powerful easy, considering YOU
general character While it was mistake
the boys were not so far wrong after all We
i wish such mistakes would occur oftener.-
: Detroit Free Press.