Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-06

dlC low Oiuoo thae Noh
play as many airs as the drum major
puts on.-Free Press.
If ignorance is bliss the modern SER
want girl is responsible for the lots of
domestic bliss.-Ex.
Be kind to the little ones. You
can't develop children as you do corns
with boot.-Ex.
The curve pitcher is not always a
society man, but he can generally
give "fancy ball."-Ex.
A mule in Mt. Vernon has immor-
talized itself by kicking the cheek off
a sewing machine drummer.-Ex.
There have been no entirely sue
cessfull machine invented for setting
type or setting hens, yet.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Language was made to conceal
thought. A dude has no use for Ian
guage, then, for he has no thought to
conceal.-Texas Siftings.
A New Jersey man has made bal
lot box that cannot be stuffed. Now
all the country wants is voter built
the same way.-Yonkers Statesman.
Scene IA lonely spot on dark night
Would the gentleman be so kind as
to assist poor man Besides this
revolver, / have nothing in this wide
world to call my own.-Ex.
Genial customer Gin cheap restau-
rant)-Is the mutton broth good to-
dayl
High toned waiter-I don't know,
sab, don't eat heah, sah.-Ex.
II wish l were like the leaves, just
now," said a Brooklyn man to his
wife.
I'm what respect, dear ?"
Pretty well off, of course. ."-Ex.
Woman of the house (to tramp
Well, now; you said you would do
some saving after you got through
eating.
Tramp-Yes'm, | will. Fetch on
your violin.-Ex.
Judge-If, as you say, you found
this woman so violent and headstrong
even during the engagement, why did
you marry her?
Abused husband (meekly)--I-I
didn't marry her. She married me.
-Ex.
Jinks Cat party)-I don't see what's
the matter with that pretty woman
over there. She was awful firty a
little while ago, but now she won't
have anything to do with me.
Stranger have just come in. She
is my wife.-Ex.
A gentleman in jumping off street
car the other day fell and rolled into
the gutter. While brushing the dirt
from his clothes little girl ran up to
him and said: "Mister, please do it
again. Mamma didn't see you that
time. ."-Philadelphia Press.
at is so sudden, Mr.. Peduncle,"
said the young lady softly "give me
time to think of it,"
Certainly" replied the business
like commercial traveller; "I'll be
around again in thirty days"
81 only wanted moment, Harry"
she said sweetly.-Ex.
Going widing to-day, Awthaw
Nav. Got to work, demmit.
So sowy, deah boy. What is the
-aw job, eh?
Maw's witten Inc a lettaw and I've
-aw-got to wead it befoah can
make another dwaft on haw. Did
you evaw heah of such a boah
Nevaw, deah boy, nevaw.-Town
Topics.
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Her head was pillowed on his breast
and looking up in shy way she said:
"Do you know, dear George that"
"You mean dear James, l think"
he interrupted, smiling fondly at her
mistake.
"Why, yes, to be sure. How stup-
id l am was thinking this is We'd
nesday evening."-Ex.
Two ladies from the west happened
to scrape an acquaintance while wait
ing for connecting trains at the Broad
street station yesterday. "How long
has your husband been dead I" asked
one.
About year." was the reply.
"And you are still widow 2"
eyes. His estate amt settled yet"
Philadelphia Record.
Summer-resort hotels are putting
on big adiectives aud otherwise keep
ing apace with the season. Mosen-
baum, who keeps the "Boudoir," was
taken to task for stretching his adj
vertisement too much.
/ an. at