davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

A personal question-"We would
like to rent house," said a nervous
young man, accompanied by blush
ing maiden. Double or single ?"
asked the agent. Married" stam-
mered the young man.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

The people at the market place
were fleeing wildly in every direction.
"What is the matteri" inquired a
passer-by. "a market woman and
her husband are quarreling."
81 don't see why that should alarm
everybody in the street ?"
"She has begun to throw eggs at
him."-Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Spellbound (helpful little sister)-
Sis, why can't Mr.. Olcutt spell his
own name?
Sister, don't know, Marie. Whyi
Marie-Why, because he comes to
Gu and there he sticks.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

A pleasing paradox. Professor
What is paradox
Experienced student-An Annex
girl telling fellow that really he
mustn't stay another minute, and all
the time holding him so fast with both
arms that he couldn't get away if he
should try.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27
Advertising Rates.
one one two E'S. iSI51sI.sISsi1E57s.ls: II1 !.

susness Cards one year. ono dollar per line.
Local notices, among local reading matter. tan
'ents per lina for each insertion.
business notices nvs cen per line each insertion.
Births, Marriages ana Deaths free.
Obituaries, Resolutions, Cards Of Thaaks, ,so,
st GdVeFtisins rates.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

When a modern youth becomes en-
sconsed in a street car the ladies dis
cover that he doesn't belong to the
rising generation.-Yonkers Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

See how dusty those chairs are,
Mary
Shure, mum, it's because nobody's
sot into 'em the day.-Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Answered Night drug clerk q A.
NJ, with glaring eyes)-Welli
Customer-No. sick.-Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

II doesn't have the effect Of refining
a man to bring him up by elevator.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Mr.. Gibbs (meeting his son late at
night)-Where are you going at this
time of night, John2 On no good err
rand, I'll warrant.
John-No, sir / was going to look
for you.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

The old lady went to the theater
for the first time. The play was Jul
ius Caesar. "Waal," she said after
wards. "I've hearn tell that the thea
ter were bad, but / think it's wuss than
bad. It's nothin' but crime to kill all
them fellers just to amuse the aujience
and it oughter be put stop to-
Harper's Bazaar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Catching an heiress. Citizen Ito
Uncle Rastus)-So that is the woman
you're going to marry, is it?
Uncle Rastus-Yes, sab, dat am de
lady. She yain't much to look at.
Well, no, not very much.
But she has got forty-seben dollars
in de bank, boss, and she hab promis-
ed ter glib me de power OBJ attorney
generalship.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Not. what she expected. He-"Miss
Squawker," said he, gently, as the last
notes of her song died upon the air,
II hope you will not be offended at
what / am about to say. It has been
on my mind for some time, and"
go on, Mr.. Spooner," said the girl
encouragingly.
"Well-h'm The last horse car
will be down in three minutes, and
I'll have to walk home if / don't
catch it.-Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

An unreasonable month. "What
month is this ?" asked George of his
best girl about 2 A NJ.
March !" answered the old man
from the top of the stairs.-N. Y.
Evening World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

The collectors age-Dunnage.-N.
Y. World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

A Rochester cat gets drunk on beer,
That proves that beer will intox.a-cat
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Young lady (to turnkey)-Can l
take these flowers in to the prisoners,
sir?
Turnkey-Yes, mem; the thieves
and pickpockets ill be glad to get 'em.
They dotes on flowers. But there
amt no murderers in now, mem. The
last one was pardoned out yesterday.
Oh, I'm so sorry.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

The minister's age-parsonage.-
Ex,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Voice Cat the door)-If you will
let me look in your directory to see
how to address this letter I'll buy the
postage stamp of you.-New York
Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

The infants age-cribbage.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

Miseries of the trade. Druggist
(awakened at 2 A. M.)-What do you
want
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-27

'ENA, MICH, WEDN.
WIT AND HUM0R.
The infants age-cribbage.-,Ex.
The minister's age-parsonage.-
Ex.
The collectors age-Dunnage.-N.
Y. World.
II doesn't have the effect of refining
a man to bring him up by elevator.
I-Ex.
Answered Night drug clerk q A.
M, with glaring eyes)-Welli
Customer-No, sick.-Puck.
See how dusty those chairs are,
Mary
Shure, mum, it's because nobody's
sot into 'em the day.-Judge.
When a modern youth becomes en-
sconsed in a street car the ladies dis
cover that he doesn't belong to the
rising generstion.-Yonkers Gazette.
Mr.. Gibbs (meeting his son late at
night)-Where are you going at this
time of night, John? On no good err
rand, I'll warrant.
John-No, sir; l was going to look
for you.-Life.
An unreasonable month. "What
month is this ?" asked George of his
best girl about 2 A. NJ.
March |" answered the old man
from the top of the stairs.-N. Y.
Evening World.
Spellbound (helpful little sister,
Sis, why can't Mr.. Olcutt spell his
own name?
Sister, don't know, Marie. Whyi
Marie-Why, because he comes to
Gu and there he sticks.-Ex.
A personal question-"We would
like to rent house." said a nervous
young man, accompanied by blush
ing maiden. Double or single ?"
asked the agent. Married" stam-
mered the young man.-Ex.
Miseriss of the trade. Druggist
(awakened at 2 A. M.)-What do you
want
Voice Cat the door)-If you will
let me look in your directory to see
how to address this letter I'll buy the
postage stamp of you.-New York
Weekly.
A pleasing paradox. Professor
What is paradox
Experienced student-An Annex
girl telling fellow that really he
mustn't stay another minute, and all
the time holding him so fast with both
arms that he couldn't get away if he
should try.-Ex.
Mr.. R.-Good morning, Miss D
delightful weather, is it not 4? True
spring weather, indeed. BY the way,
Miss D., are you denying yourself any.
thing during this penitential lenten
season?
Miss Doh, yes, I've left off my
sealskin sack.-Ex.
At the Mansion house ball. Mr..
Griggs (who has retired from the pro-
vision trade, and is ever SO exclusive)
"A very fine swarrv general hut a
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
That Horse RAINING secret.

ApropoS OF Horse Whispering a CORE
spondent points out that the mystery Is very
simply explained by Borrow. Here are his
words IN the "Romany Rye:n Il knew n cob
In ireland that could be driven to a state of
kicking madness bya particular word used by
a particular person in a particular tone; but
that word was connected with a very painful
operation which had been performed upon
him by that individual, who had frequently
employed II at a certain period while the ami.
NAL had been under his treatment. The samo
cob could be- soOthed in a moment by another
word used by the same individual in "a very
different kind of tone-the word 'desgL,
blasda,' or sweet tasted. Some time after tae
operation lille the cob WIS yet under his
hands, tn. allow-who was what the Iisg
call fair. -mlth-had done all he could 70
soothe the creature and had at last succeeded
by giving gingerbread buttons. If which
Ihe COB became passiOuately fond Iuyari-
ABLY, however, before giving ita button he
s'id 'DeagLblaSda,' with which word the cob
oy degrees associated an idea Of uumIxed en-
Joyment SO, if he could rouse the cob 10
madness by the word which recalled the tor
lure 70 It's remembrance, he could easily
soothe IL by the other word, which the cob
knew would be instantly followed bv the
button, which the smith never failed to Give
him after using the word 'deaghblasda. '~1St
James Gazette.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
The Wa er. OF Saratoga

ICor CINCINNATI Commercial Gazette
1t Is interesting to watch the people
about these springs. The newcomer
sips and grimaces, and looks abont
Enthusiastically; others march M to the
spring, gulp down the desired Quantity,
and glad that it is over, look around
happily on the fellows who have not
drank. he lady of fashion settles With
her poodle, or husband, or maid. and
Ianguidly sips, and is benefited, be-
cause her dress is admired and shows
Off well. In comes pretty Young
southern girl, with her old black nanny
IN tow. The rosy lips touch the spark.
ling glass; her bright eyes and firm.
fresh cheeks, sparkle even more prettilv'
She drains the glass, and turns with a
laug h to the old nurse, who has a glass
of water, and is trying. with many
shiyerings and shakes of the head. and
rolling of the eyes, to please de dear
Cripples come here, and men whose
last life Is marked in their faces az
plainly as are chalk sums on the black
BOARD; women come, fiIshion-dissipated
haggard, ugly and fine. There is
shoddy, and arrogance, and ignorance.
but there IS also mOdesty, intelligence
and beauty, to be found every day, any
day, by the waters Of Sara toga
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
THE ADVERTISER,

necessity to Every English speaking 1nhabitan of tbe
lAI"so0n who desires to keep pace with the times
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
THE ADVERTISER

represents the Interests of the Politician the Merchant tho
anter the Storekeeper, the Lawyer Workman and in
act all Glasses Of the Community.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
Black Sheep AMONG Peers.

The London Telegraph finds 113 out of $50
peers worthy to sit in Westminster. The
resi- are black sheep and they who are hope
a STeSly eccentric or congenitally stupid. The
telegraph suggests that the peers 1.icL ont n
s s minority and let them do the IegisIatiug
'0r Tbs crowd,-Chicago Newa
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
THE ADVERTISER,

Is copions and prompt in the publication Of Loco, NJ
M uerS are Kept constantly posted as to the course f ~
" or parts OF the world particularly IN the United States
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12

The attention of the business men of
Honolulu and Of all persons engaged in
industrial pursuits is called to this per-
iodicaI as a medium for
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
Enlarged to 48 Pages

Monthly, makes a yearly volume of
nearly 600 pages, devoted to the agricul-
turaI and commercial prosperity of the
Hawaiian Islands.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
9rucraI advertisements
GEO. W. LINCOLN.

THE WELL IN THE FIELD AS CON
tractor and better
OF
do
TO extrn "
that at lIs well
Thanking the public for past tavors
w.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
MANUFACTURE OF SUGAR.

This popular journal has entered on
eighth volume, and having been
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1889-04-12
THE ADVERTISER,

% many years been noted for its Reports of Legislati
Verbatim ,h r. Ia" Eases, etc. These recorded
m when the importance of the occasion warrants #
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1889-03-29
BABY CARRIAGES !!
M A T tt N G S.

Our importation of Mattings received,
embracing all the latest novelties in col
ors and designs of all the leading makes.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1889-03-29
COLLECTION AGENCY.

vNNHE subscriber offers his services 10 the
Il public for the transaction of all business
connected with the Office OF Justice Of the
Peace especially soliciting claims for collee-
ton in any part Of the county.
r. WATKINS, J p,
mar 2-n Rockville, Nd.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1889-03-29

]. OWEN,

LICENSED AUCTIUNEEK,
GAITHERSBURG, Md,
Will attend to sales 10 any part Of the county
on reasonable terms. All orders directed to
him at Gaithersburg will receive prompt at
tensiou. mar 7-u-
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1889-03-29

DURE COUNTRY BUCKwHEAT,
IL Hominy, New York Beans, Mackerel and
Potomac Herring, for sale by
nov 20 d. h. WAKEFIELD.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1889-03-29
T AUNDRY SOAPS,

IL bY u. IT. ITNIN.
Babbitts Soap, Proctor L CANDLES OleiHe
Soap, the best 0leine Soap made; Ivory Soap,
Palmitn Soap, Extra Palm Soap, Frank Sid
dall's Soap, Enoch Morgan's Sapolio Kitchen
Soap, Pyles' Pearliue and BabbiIt's l776, SC
nov 10
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1889-03-29
N q TT Q II.

fINHE undersigned viii sell his Stock and
Store House at Great Falls, Md, on
reasonable terms and at "a reasonable price.
For further particulars apply TO
H. 4. GARRETT,
ia 25-2m Great Falls, Md.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1889-03-29

8l.oO
Thirteen Weeks.
GS- THE POLICE GAZETTE will
be mailed. securely wrapped, TO any address
in The United States for three months on re-
eeipt of
ONE DOLLAR
Liberal discount allowed TO postmasters
agents and clubs. Sample copies mailed
lice. Address all orders 10
RICHARD X. FOX,
apr l6-lf Franklin Square, MY
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-10-18
BLAINE'S BLANKET POLICY,
He Aims to Secure Control Over
Cuba and Hayti,

WASHINGTON, Oct. 17.-Since the
inside explanation was furnished of the
circumstances and motives that led up
to the Hawaiian treaty, other develop
ments of what the diplomatic connois-
seurs term the "blanket policy" of the
state department are pushing their
way to the front. The diplomatic
powers of Frederick Douglass are not to
lie In the innocuous desuetude of a
short residence at Port au Prince.
Should he show that he is
not intolerable to the dusky
are to be put to the proof in an attempt
to convince President Hyppolite that
surrender of the control of the foreign
relations of the Black Republic to the
department of state at Washington will
be greatly conducive to the security and
prosperity OF that country. A guaran-
tee of the autonomy of the island is to
be had from the United States upon the
terms above indicated, coupled with
the concession of naval privileges and
right to land troops in the discretion of
the proper American authority to re-
pei invasion, .er4.iasure domestic tran
quillity. Should Hayti prove tolerant
OF this seductive suggestion. Mi. Doug
lass is expected 10 extend the sphere Of
his influence to San Domingo. He will
do SO. even if Hippolitp: and his cabinet
should take the other course, with a
view to applying moral pressure upon
the larger community by stamping. if
possible, the character of proteges
of the United States upon the Spanish
speaking section of the island. As the
''blanket policy" would be like blan-
ket with hole In it unless Cuba should
be brought into the line of ultimate
absorption, Minister Palmer is stated to
have had assigned to him a peculiarly
delicate task. He is to use his unofficial
good offices at Madrid to drop into the
minds of the dons and grandees of the
Spanish capital an occasional hint that
Spain would be well out of Cuba and
Cuba would do well out of Spain. In
the delicate and non committal way in
dicated, he will occasionally suggest
that nothing could be friendlier or
wiser or nearly so advantageous all
around as to prepare to come into
with Mr.. BIaine's compre-
henSive American policy for the Ameri-
can continent, and to hasten the slow
but certain march of manifest destiny.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-10-18
Ballast.

During the wild slssning of rates that has
characterized the past fsw months, one com.
modify was left untouched. This was oil.
1t was never included IN any of the reduced
tariffs. Now this staple is to be lowered.
The redrnti0n Will go Into effect Oct. II.
Whether 1t viii be made by all the lines or
not romaius yet to be seen. None Of the
1t, but tho OIL Wen have instructed their
agerts 10 ent!raIy cease shipping oil. having
Information that after the 2lst inst greatly
reduced rate can be had.
F. ]. whitney, general passenger agent Of
the Hauitona: Charles S. Fee, general pas
senger ard ticket agent of the Northern
Pacific; 3. AcNichol, agent Of the Manitoba
9t Montreal, and Robert Kerr, of the Cana
dan Pacific, left for st. Louis yesterday to
attend a meeting Of the Transcontinental as
sneiatlon. The business to be transacted Is
the adoption of bylaws, without which the
association has been working SO far.
One of the jenkins patent poultry cars was
in The city yesterday, containg 5000 head OF
chickens, ducks, geese and turkeys The
Car consists Of o multitude of cages, with
middle, enabling the man III charge to 1eed
and water the birds in transit so that tney
arrive at their destination as fat and In as
good condition as when shipped. Inc car
was in charge of Mr.. Waller.
C. z, Robb states emphat1cally that the
r11u,or that he is TO go to the Santa Fe IS ut
terly without foundation. He adds that the
onlv advancement he is now looking for is
the position Of alderman from the Second
ward.
The Burlington has restored the Scent
rate from ST. Louis via. the st. Louis, keokuz
l. Northwestern. TO take effect next Monday
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-10-18
HIsCOCK's CANDIDATE,
Extension Agent Poole Likely to
Succeed Tanner.

CA.f enSlOH agent FOOlO LIKELY 10
Succeed Tanner.
WASHINGTON, Oct. II. President
Harrison has at last made up his mind
as to vino shall be Tanners successor as
pension commissioner, and the appoint
ment will be made very soon. Great
care is taken at the White house and in
terror department not to "giye awayD
the name of the coming commissioner,
but it is believed that the appointment
will go to extension Agent Poole, of
Syracuse, who is Senator Hiscock's 8 can
didate, and who was originally backed
for the place by the Grand Army men of
New York
The Star this evening, speaking of
the probable successor to Commissioner
Tanner, says:
The pension commissionership has been
nearly settled so many times that all reports
concerning it are received of late with
reservation of doubt. But 1t looks this time
as If 1t were go, and that Mr.. Poole.
Of New York, whom Senator His
cock has been pressing for the place
since before Tanner was appointed will be
the next commissioner. Mr.. .Hiscock has
been working for Poole with all his might
and the vice president was at the White
house to-day, presumably talking on the
same subject. Candidates, one at time.
have been brought to the front, examined
and rejected, and the big Grand Army men
have been unwilling to take the responsible.
ties Of the position. Meanwhile Poole has
stood steadily as a candidate and His
cock has been pulling the wires in his favor.
The only thing, 1t is understood, that stood
in his way from the first was the desire on
the part Of the president to get a prominent
Grand Army leader TO take the place Fail
ing in this. the name OF Poole came strongly
to the front again, and it is asserted now that
his appointment has been decided upon, and
is liable to be made at any hour.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-10-18
TOO BUSY TO WORK.
Gen. Bussy's Decisions Are Pre-
pared by His Subordinates,

WASHINGTON, Oct. 17-Gen. Bussey,
assistant secretary of the interior, was
asked to-day what he had to say In re-
gard to Commissioner Tanners asser-
ton that member of the board of PEN
sion appeals wrote his (Bussey's) de-
cisions in pension cases. Gen. Bussey
said that any one familiar with the busi-
ness of a public Office must know that
the head of the Office could not do all
the work himself.
while 1t is true" he added, "that my de-
cisions are written by others. yet they are
prepared in accordance with my instructions
and after consultation with me. could not
pretend to do the work Of writing out these
decisions, but / can and do examine the
cases, and upon the facts set forth and in
accordance with the law reach conclu-
sion which is set forth in the decision. AS
to that part Of Mr.. Tanners interview in
which he says that he was not able to find
my decision reversing his 81 order in the
pension Office files, l have only to say that
this order formed a portion of an opinion in
q case. and as it was not elaborated as fully
as desired, l withdrew 1t and substituted
another decision, which set forth at length
my views relative to the order, and gave the
reasons for resembling it. / made this decis-
ion in the regular course Of business, and not
especially because / wished TO reverse any
action ofMr. Tanner.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-10-18
OLSON RUN DO WN
The Alleged Slayer Of Thresher
Hagen Captured.

Special to the Globe.
DULUTH, Minn., Oct. 17.-Capt. Nc
Laughlin and Detective Bensen made
an arrest last night, details of which
were not given out until this evening,
which may lead to another test of John
Day Smiths private execution law. 1t
seems that for some time Andrew Oh
son bad been working for a thresher
near Breckenridge named Hagen.
About a month ago Hagen disappeared,
as did alsOlOlson.Suspicion finally led to
an investigation, which developed that
Olson had proceeded to Brainerd and
told Hagen's wife that her husband had
jumped the country after selling him
(OlsOn) his watch and other valuables.
Mrs. Hagen evidently believed the story
for she accepted Olson's proposition
a boarding house. They came here
about two weeks ago, and went to live
at a boarding house. Olson securing
work on the coal docks. Yesterday
telegram was received by the authOri-
ties to arrest Olson on the charge of
numbering Hagen, and officers Nc
Laughlin and Benson located their man
and arrested him, but kept the matter
quiet until the arrival of Sheriff Har-
rington, of Wilkin county, to-day, who
departed with his prisoner tonight.
Olson is a pOWerful-lOOking young man
of about twenty-eight, and speaks En-
gliSh. though he refuses to be inter-
viewed. Sheriff Harrington says there
is strong case against him.