The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1889-10-12
NEWSPAPER WAITS.

Guide Showing places OF historic
interest).-"lt was in this room that
Washington received his first commits.
sion" Mr.. Einstein-.His first COM
mission! Ish dot sop Guide-"Yes,
sir; it is a fact" Mr.. Einstein-.Vot
per centage of commission did he get?'
Exchange.
How Art Helps Nature-Miss Violet
Wilde wandering in the Maine woods)
-''How glorious ii is to gaze on this
wild scenery, and behold Nature in all
her primitive majestyl" MIR. Arden
Faxon-"H'm-ye.esl Especially when
there's a good comfortable hotel only a
couple of miles away."-Puck.
Nervous and Tender Hearted
Conductor, what was that Pr asked q
nervous old lady, as the wheels of the
coach made a little more jar than
usual. 1--WE went over a few frogs
Just them he replied. "Most likely
squashed the poor things, too" she
said, with a tremor in her voice.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
"Your brother ought TO marry. He
is too good q man to be wasted" "But
he thinks he oughtn't to, you know,
because he's a minister" "And why
shouldn't a minister marry if he wants
toll" 81 suppose it is because he may
have a son, and you know what a min
ister's son usually is."-Llfe.
An Impossibllity.-'I trust you will
not think hard of me-" he remarked,
reaching for his hat. ''Sir, 'she answered
trigidly, Zone who knows you can never
think hard of YOU" And wandering
hnna % eH Inaoth thu nloot,;o l;-la -
wondered what it was she meant to
convey.-tarper's Bazaar.
Mistress "Where are the nails, |
John2" joint didn't know what
kind you wanted, ma'am." Mistress
"What kinds did the dealer have'"
John-"Six-penny, eight-penny, and
ten-penny, ma'am." Mistress-.sYou
should have brought the latter, John.
You know we always get the best"
Judge.
1t is claimed that a brook trout
weighing six pounds and two ounces
has been caught in northern New York,
the weight beating all records. The
story Ia one deserving all commenda-
ton, but it was sprung too early in the
year. Michigan will beat it before the
flies, if it has to paint red spots
on a pike.-Detroit Free Press.
Convalescent. -Squire-"I heard your
wife was pretty sick last week, deacon,
but l hope she's mending rapidly now"
Deacon-"Yes, thankee, she's ketchin'
up with her mendin' now; set up till
twelve O'Clock last night N darned a
pile o. stockings two feet high. She
kin mend pretty fast when she gets
a goin'."-Detroit Free Press.
"Doesn't it embarrass you TO be kiss
ed by your husband before a carful of
peOple?' "Embarrass me?' replied the
lady, who was starting off on a Journey,
as she seated herself in a seat and
looked at the questioner. "Did John
kiss III when he said Goodbye |
| didn't notice il. Is my hat on
straight, Laura2'-San Francisco Post.
Judicial Item-"Has Mr.. Nathaniel
Jarvis, DR., clerk of the Common Pleas
been to st. Louis lately?" ado
you mean the Jarvis who absorbed the
estate of the deceased Parsee merchant,
worth 800 900, chiefly in gold?' eyes,
that's the man | mean. Has he been TO
st. Louis lately? p why do You ask 2'
Because l read in a newspaper that
somebody stole u two story brick house
from a poor widow in st. Louis. If
Jarvis has been to st. Louis lately, his
pockets ought to be searched. "-Texas
Siftings.
A New York pastor, who, though q
had lived in America over
years, was one day taken TO task
by his daughter tor the broadness of
his accent i'm the pronunciation of the