Morning journal and courier., 1889-05-17
FEV ERISH.

Goulds Carelessness.-First broker-tJay Gould's stocks are feverish this morning :" Second broker-"Feverishl Is it possible that he forgot to water them?"-Texas Sift- ipgs.
 Theodore Hilton was once asked whether he thought Bowen would go to heaven. He meditated for moment and answered: ''He certainly will if there are any 'ads' to be got there."-Killinick Observer.
 Servant-Oh, please, sir, your daughter has eloped with the coachman.
 MT. Highliver-Well,i it might have been worse. She might have run off with my French cook.-New York Weekly.
 Mamma-Howard, are you going to take part in the tree planting st school on Arbor daya
 Howard (emphatically) I hain't; there's Life.
 Setting Beyond the Jewellers Art.- Jeweller-"I can set anything that ever in- tended to be set, and I guarantee all my work" Poultryman-'No!m mister. I'll give yer tew dollars to come over an set my old speckled hen so that she'll stick. k."-Jewellers' Weekly.
 "Send me-" wrote the Mississippi hard- ware merchant, s'cne Argument Against the same subject" And the jobber filled the order by sending him Winchester rifle and 100 rounds ot Chicago Tribune.
 "What's the matter, Bromleya" "pve recovered my valise." 1T don't see why you should swear in that way about it." "Oh, you don't, eha" The darn thing isn't worth $3, and it had to turn up just when the com- pany was about to allow me $50 for it. Its just my luck. k."-Epoch.
 The little fve-year-old son of H. c. Shaw of Gray's river was missed from his home 8 few days ago and could not be founj. Just as his parents were becoming alarmed he came toddling in with a string of AS fine trout which he had caught in Crooked creek. Vancouver (Wash.) Independent. The only reason we have for believing that Dr. P. H. Cronin is safe is the circumstance that the Chicago police believe him to have been murdered. If g person is in doubt what to think about anything, the only safe thing for him to do is to find out what the Chicago police think, and then think just ! the contrary. News. That Fetched It-Pallet, A. R. (to Polly Poser, the popular nodeD-"I want you tc call up a look of expectancy; of longing fol I something that you feel you will never grasp!" Polly (promptly)-"All right, Mister F., I'll think of that thirty bob as you owet me for that last half dozen O settin's. Thatl
 do the trick, if anything willl''-Fun. | Where nature comes ut.-Winks-s'Don'
 you marry that girl as you value your happi ness" Jinks-"Eha Whats that?" "She'
 scheming, cold blooded, hard and selfish.
 "See here! You don't even know her.
 ssNo; but in a crowded railroad train sh
 other day I saw her sitting on the aisle en-
 of the seat with her satchel pumped on tn
 other end. "-New York Weekly. l Cierk-"shall I send pair of cur trouser
 stretchers with the trousers, madam?" Sad leyed lady-"No, indeed (sob). my poor hus
 band will not. need them; (snifD the trouser ! are (sob) for his funeral He is (sob) to b | laid ont (sniff) in them" Clerk (encourae Iingly)-"The stretchers cost you nothin
 extra, madam" Sad-eyed lady (reaectively i-"Well, send them along. They may b
 useful some day."-Clothier and Furnisher.