The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1889-02-21
FULL OF FUN.

|
-s'Was Micky dhrunk, soor, when
he fell of the scaffoldp" "Well, yer
'onner, afther he tumbled, he seemed
to have had dhrop too much. -
Fun. --->~~---
"A ruby-nosed bourbon from Rye
Beach went head first through Jer-
sey City manhole one day last week !
and the coroner's jury returned ver-
dict Of 'sewerside. ."-Drake's Mag a.
zine.
The man who wants the earth bad
enough tO put up with a soiled speci-
men like ours ought to be accommo-
dated while his desires are modest.
Next thing we know he'll be asking
for new one.-Life. 49,.
--Patient-"What would you advise,
Doctor. for this horrible buzzing in my
headp" Doctor - PERSIAN insect
powder. Somebody has probably
been putting a flea in your ear
Fliegende Blatter. -.
Scientists have succeeded in photo
graphing yellOw-fever germ. Those
who have seen the likeness recommend
dressing it up in tights and issuing it
with cigarette packages as cure for
the tobacco habit. Burlington Free
Press. s-.-.-
--Bessie-"O, Jessie! Isn't that sum
set just too lovely for any thingP And
do you hear the sobbing of the water
under the rocksp It is like the sad
repining Of the human SOUL" Jessie
Eyes. Say, Bess, let me chew your
gum for q few minutes, won't youp
You make me most frantic. ic.--Burling-
ton Free Press.
First Benedict-''Yes, It is mighty
quiet at my home. When wife and I
are alone in the evening you could
hear the clock tick" Second Benedict
(unhappily welded to a temper)-
1.-THE silence is still more oppressive at
my house. When wife and are alone
you can only hear the broomstick. ~
Pittsburgh Bulletin.
They were viewing the leaning
tower OF Pisa "What do you think of
it, Elisha?" asked Mrs. Porkchop.
'Don't it strike you as bein' little
crookedp" "It's the worst out O. plumb
thing l ever seen," replied Mr.. p.
'The contractor couldn't build a
chicken-coop for me" America.
Deaf Old Lady-"What's the price
OF this articlep" Salesman-"Seven
dollars, ma'am." Old Lady-"Seven-
teen dollars! I'll give you thirteen"
Salesman--"Seven dollars only, madam,
not seventeen, is the price" Old Lady
%! seven dollars. I'll give you five
for TN. Y. Ledger.
1.-THE movements Of men are most certainly
queer"
Sighed Dolly, who'd only been married year:
"When lovers they always till one o'clock stay,
And when they are husbands, till one stay
"Most trying" said Belle, "but we have no re-
It's the law that they call compensation, ]
guess"
= Life.
Mrs. Simpkins-*'My DEAR can you
let me have five dollars for the church
fairp" Simpkins-'|You know I dc
not approve Of gambling" Mrs. Simp.
kins-'The truth Is, dreAmt three
times in succession last night that a
certain woman would draw the parlor
furniture" Simpkins-"You don't say
Well, here's ten dollars. II you want
more let me know. Time.
-Citizen-"What'il 1t cost me, Uncle
'Rastus, to have my hen-coop white
washedp" Uncle 'Rastus (dubiusly)-
"Well, would glib yo' advise, Mister
Smith, not ter hab de hen-coop white
washed at all. Take white washed
hen-coop along bout one or two clock
in de mawnin', an I tells you, Mister
Smith. it looks mighty ghostly, deed
it do; at least (hastily) dat's what ]
have heerd sayed. IN. Y. Sun.