Dodge City times., 1889-12-12

GEN. GRuBB in Boston-Beana

A RECORD is always improved by be.
ng broken.
WHEN the self-made man goes into
politics he is apt to find that officials
are machine made.
WBBLE-What is the funniest sight
you ever saw? Wabble-A cross-eyed
man trying to make mash.
FOND Mother-See the darling drink !!
visitor-Yes, indeed, the little cunning! |!
How much he resembles his pa.
Miss WoLLopE-Pa! I'm engaged"
Father Wollope-Yes, and you'd marry
an idiot, I suppose? Miss Wollope-
Well, ma did. Why shouldn't +?
BRowN-Much as we disagree on
things in general, Smith, there is one
thing, am sure, that We both stand up
for. Smith-Aha! What is it? Brown
To walk.
some of the papers are commenting
on the appearance in active life of lady
burglars. This is no novelty however.
Only a few years ago almost every lady
you met regularly held up train.
Mrs. BRowN-Come here this mo-
ment, Silas! I must punish you for
sliding down the banisters. Little
Silas-Please, ma, didn't you just tell
me not to make noise running down
stairs?
The President-I don't feel very we'll
to-day. must have eaten something
that hurt me. Benny-Wasn' it your
words, grandpa? heard a man say
you had been eating them ever since
election.
Mrs. GABB-Did you hear about Mrs.
DeGood's husband? He died last
night. Mrs. Gadd- Well! Well! I'll
run right over to condole with her. and
see if can't borrow cup of butter;
I'm entirely out.
MooRE-Did you save as much money
as you thought you would by spending
the summer in the country? Poore
with q hard, bitter laugh)-Save
money! Why, man, my wife has put
up sixty jars of preserves!
A BARRIsTER, fond of parading his
erudition, began speech for the de-
tense with the words: ~My lord, it is
written in the great book of nature"
when the Judge interrupted him with:
will our learned member tell us on
what page?"
@TELL me, George darling" said she,
shortly after their marriage. "Do you
love me as much as ever?" "Yes, in
deed" "And do you find anything in
the world dearer than your wife?"
Nothing" said George, unless it is
the house rent"
A MINISTER, lately addressing wo
mans missionary meeting, said that
thousands of gallons of rum go into
Africa for every brother who is sent
there" whereupon one of the sisters
whispered to her neighbor: Rather
large allowance for them missionaries.
MISTRESS (from the lor)-Bridget,
the front door bell has rung three times.
Why don't you answer it? Bridget
(from the kitchen)- mum, if Oh
opened it the furst ring, paple wud say
Oi'did nothing but tind the dure, an Oi
wudn't have any wan think me that
lazy.
Mrs. PorTs-When 1 was first mar
ried thought it was solely for love that
John had sought my hand, but l know
better now. l am firmly convinced it
was my money he was after. Miss
Spyte-Well, it must be considerable
satisfaction to you to know that he is
not such fool as you thought he was.
BRIGGs-I have been hunting all the
morning for friend of mine. Boggs.
but I can't find him. 1 wish he wasn't
so much trouble to get hold of when
I want him. Boggs-Ill tell you what
to do. The next time you see him,
Briggs, borrow $40 or S15. After that
you can't walk the streets without run
ming over him.
do YOU think" Herbert asked in
low, tTemulous voice, that you could
learn to love me?" For some time
there was no sound except the long
signing of the trees. Il am waiting fol
your answer" he said gravely. We'll,
Herbert" she said hesitatingly, "when
I went to school 1 was always looked
upon as quick to learn almost any
thing"
PARsoN-You are total abstainer, !
believe, Mr.. Skinfint? Mr.. Skinfint-
Yes, sir, be. 1 never tasted liquor
but once, and that was to the County
Fair, twenty-three years agv. Hez
Hawbuck treated me three times that
day. and got jest dizzy enough to let
some scamp pass lead nickel on me.
When I found that out sez to myself,
you've had enough, an 1 amt fetched
a drop sence, nor 1 amt goin' ter.