The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1889-11-18
gbe SntelIigeHftr.
Once. Nos. Is and " Fourteenth Street.
CURRENCY.

Life seems hardly worth the living,
When itFalns,
Men are cold and upioTgtYlng,
Whenlt rains,
And the women-holy dosesl
How they Sneeze aud rub thelF noses,
For the time Of all thelE woes Is
When Il rains,
~ hear that the doctor has given
GTiggsby up.n Eyes, lie wouldn't pay
bis blll. S-ifuusey', Weekly,
Crusty - Be careful, walteri your
thumb is in the soup" NVaiter-"I
don't mind ii, sir I'm used to it,
Epoch,
One would think that a jailer would
be in pain all the time with so many
ielons on his hands,-Ksarnsy EntrpriSe.
First Anarchlst-"Was der much ex-
Citement?" Second Anarchist-"Ya, |
guess der was about three or four kegs"
america,
It ia easy TO see the force OF the remark
"Don't be clam" when you reflect how
frequently the clam Is in the souF.-lo-
rORlO Globe,
Larkin-"Do you think the Mormons
can be checkmatedH" Gazzam III
think they can be mated, but ! don't
know abaut the check."-Nev York Sun
"Lemon parties" are becoming very
popular In Willlamsport, US every young
man Is expected TO bring a lemon, girl
and squeezer, Pittsburgh Dispatch,
"Ma, dear. what does the word mat
inee' meanP" "GraCious, Childl What
ignorance Matinee ia a French word
meaning an amateur performance" -
Judy.
The Maxim gun aud tue mimic ri.
ile are extremes that would meet
through the medium OF nOiseIesS pow.
der-Maxim.mum and minie-mum.-
Philadelphia Ledger,
BraRgs-"This is a little late for you to
be out, isn't 1t, Peck? Aren't you afraid
your wife will miss your" Mi. N. Peck
~ hope she will. She can fling
things pretty straight, though,-Trre
Hauie Express.
"Don't wash in that pail, said the
hotel proprietor. "rhat Is drinking
water" "Well," answered the guest,
"if II Ia drinking water ! guess 1t Is clean
enough for me to wash In. ! am not
very particular"- Chicago Liar,
Haltie-"What in the world did Car.
RE marry that old man for2 Why, she
is actually giving her life away" Min.
nie-"Not at all, She Is selling her life
as dearly as possible. He Is awfully
rich.-BOstOn Transcript.
Miss Luendi bursting into the doc.
tors otlice)-"DOctor, doctor, you must
come down to the house at once" Doc.
tor-"Why, what's the matter? Who's
siCkP" Miss Luendi-I am, But as
there was no one to send, came my.
self."-Harper'S BaEar.
There is desire among the holders Of
Reely motor stock that the mysterious
machine shall be completed In time for
exhibition ut the worlds fair OF 1902,
but 1t seems somewhat unreasonable.
Koely wants time-if not eternity-to
get that motor into running order.-
Philadelphia Pres.
Don't you think, )" said youth after
working his vocal cords with intense
Vigor beside the hotel piano, "that
ought to go on the stageP" "Yes," 10.
piled Niles Pepperton, who doesn't like
him very well anyhow, ~ certainly do.
There Is one that leaves for the station
Just an hour aud half from now
Washington Post.
Chicago father (reading the morning
paper): $50, 50, Malone Is beaten"
Young hopeful (hilariously): "Bully
for Sullivanl How many rounds did It
take to lick him.-S. Paul Pioneer Pres.
Louise (ofNew York;: "What! Have
you been married eight times, Elsie !?
Elsie (oi Chicago; Yes, I've had eight
husbands. Aud I've been very fortu.
nate, too. Not single one OF them
died on my hands. "-NeW York Times.
Origin Of species: Chicago child
!"Look at that funny man, mamma.
What makes him so l,Sw.legged2" Chi.
cage mamma-"I presIi e, my dear, he
lives in st. Louis, and got that way try.
ing 10 avoid being knocked over BY the
pigs."-NetU York Weekly,
Boston girl (well up in music and
drama)- "Miss Marvin, has 1t ever been
your lot to listen to the 'MascotP Now
that Is a charming" Chicago girl
swell, l should twitter. Nov, Ia the
last game between the Chicagos and the
Hoosiers the mascot just shouted him
self hoarse, but IL was no use. Captain
Arson was In the soup. It Is lust too
elegant for anything to listen 10 the
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