The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-02
PUNeENr PARAGRAPHS.

-Soarandfiop (grandiloquently) -
eyes; it pays to do right. Honesty is
the best policy after all" Frankley-
"Why don't you have it renewed. "
Time.
IL am opposed to all games OF
chance" said Rawson. "And yet you
got married?" said Lawson. Yes.
and that's why 1 am so strongly OPP
posed to 'em. Drake Magazine.
The Kansas Legislature contains
] ten newspaper men, who at once ele-
vate its standard Of intelligence and
reduce its average percentage OF
wealth. Kansas City Star. a .
IL know my defects said B-jen-
kins pompously; and as the bystanders
looked at him admiringly, one of them
whispered to another softly: "What
an awful lot that man must know"-
Somerville journal.
Mr.. Garrnlous-.'Why do people
think the Sphinx typical OF wisdom.
GeorgeP" George (who is still suffer-
ing from the. effects OF curtain lecture)
IL guess it is because the Sphinx
always keeps its mouth shut. "-Har-
per's Bazaar. ...,
Shell must show you my new
clock before you 60" He (facetiously)
Some of my friends tell me l am
homely enough to stops clock" She
%. that won't matter! 1t can be
Itstarted again. Life!
E-"Can't you spare me little money,
papa?" GLOW much. dear?" "Well,
want to buy enough material to make
one OF the new-fashioned bathing
suits" CAL right, my dear. Get what
you want. Here is half dollar. "
Richfeld News.
-"What shall we do if the price of
-four goes up any further?" exclaimed
Mrs. Kneadem to her husband. II can
suggest simple remedy my DEAR" re-
sponded Mr.. Kneadem, quietly. Just
continue your home baking and we
need not anticipate any rise in bread"
Montreal Star. r+<ssga
Young author-'Doctor, if can't
get some relief from writer's cramp I
shall have to give up my literary
work. l have come to you for advice"
Doctor (who has read some OF his
literary worlk)-"My young friend,
quit writing entirely, and relief not
only instantaneous but widespread
will follow. Chicago Tribune.
'-"You used to think little more
OF me and not quite so much of your
self in the days when you were counting
me-" exclaimed Mrs. Brown, tearfully,
during the course of little conjugal
conflict. "Younever said truer thing
than that" replied the brute. forgot
myself entirely at that time or never
would have proposed. "-Terre Haute
Express.
Editor great magazine-"Here is
a fine article on Modern Art, hut it is
written by some unknown jay who lives
in Pumpkinville." Assistant-''All
right; I'll go out and find some great
artist willing to put his name to it.
! Guess one will do it for $780," "Very
we'll; I'll send the jay fifty cents and
tell him to keep quiet. and that maybe
we'll take another article from him
some day and let him use his own
name. "-Philadelphia Record.
-Blobson-'Ha, ha! Here's an ar
ticle which says that before the close of
the nineteenth century we shall see
women running locomotive engines on
our railroads" Mrs. Blobson-"Well,
why not? Don't you think they would
make good ones?" Mr.. Blobson-"In
some respects, perhaps. They would
keep a good lookout ahead, anyway"
Mrs. Blobson-''Why SOP" Mr.. Blob
son-"Because they would have their
heads out of the cab window all the
time to show their new bonnets. ~
Burlin oton Free Press.