Connecticut western news., 1889-09-25
FUN.

If the young ladies of this great and glorious country were not so attractive as they are, 8 great many young men would never go to church.-Somerville Journal.
 The line must be drawn somewhere, MT. Woolly. If man insists on wearing flannel shirt, he is lucky if it isn't drawn around his neck.- Puck.
 It is stated that our naval force at Samoa ssconsists of one admiral, two officers and five men," The Navy De partment should send on two more of- ficers, so that in case of mutiny the forces will be equally divided Life.
 He knew.-Mr. Hibred-ssWhat do you suppose the bard referred to when he wrote of the 'slippered pantaloonr" Mrs. Slapdash- Really, I have no idea" "I bet you I know!" ."My son you were not spoken to."- Truth.
 Seasonable.-Wife-ssCan you give me some money, John, dear?" Illus band-ssWhat do you want it for?" W.-'sI want to buy new switch at the hair store." H.-ssI see; you want me to make a contribution to the fresh hair fund. ."-Boston Courier.
 Refreshing names-Old Soaker- s'Can you recommend some beach where can go without striking mis- erable, dry, prohibitory desert2" Friendly-"Let's see. Juniper, Rye or Bar Harbor would seem to offer you a choice of evils."-Lowen Citizen.
 A Moving Plaint-George-"Wll you" Alice-"Oh, George, this Is so sudden" George-'sNot bit of it. That hairpin of yours has been sticking into my shoulder for the last twenty minutes, and I can't stand it any longer. Will you please move . little ?"-Lawrence American. Twisted history-Sunday school teacher-''And now, Johnny Hapgood, it's your turn. What did his father do when the prodigal son returned" Johnny (who can't help reading the sporting editions of the daily press)- ssPlease, sir, he jumped on his neck | and kissed him. ."-Puck.
 Young Harduppe-ssBut don't you think you could learn to love me2 h there no hope?" Ancient heiress-s1 am afraid not, MT. Harduppe. My heart was lost when was but 8 young girl" MT. Harduppe-"But you oughtn't to count what happened be- fore the war."-Terre Haute Express.
 Reason Dethroned.-Judge-ssDid you ever notice any signs of insanity in the deceased?" Witness Ca mem- Der of the Legislature)-"W once, when he was member of the Legis- lature, he introduced bill that wasn't particle of interest to anybody-ex- cept taxpayers. ."-New York Weekly.
 "And I want to say, sTo my hus- band,' in an appropriate place." said the widow in conclusion to Slab, the gravestone man. "Yessum," said Slab. And the inscription went on: s'To my husband, in an appropriate place. ."-Chicago Liar.
 Not Her Size.-Customer from Seed ville-'.Do you keep the best make of shoes here?" City Dealer-"Yaas, our shoes are all A No. l." Gus toner from Seedville - "Then you can't suit me. I take B No. 5."- Munsey's Weekly.
 Miss Hortense (of Boston, :-"In- deed, I can hardly look into the deep, opalescent amethyst of the star-be- spangled midnight sky without recall ing Rosetti's sthin, blue flames of souls on their way to Heaven.' Then, too, the soulfulness of inner mentality is grand! Have you ever read 'Sully's Psychology?' MT. Charles (also of Boston)-s'No; but I think I shall, first chance I get, since he did up Kill rain in such great shape !"-Light.