The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-04-12
THE TOWNS PHOTOGRAPH.

Kim secured him position IN New YORK aB
elevator pilot in building owned by Ed.
Stokes, and Sam went to work Several
days afterward the gentleman met him on
the platform.
"well, SAM" he inquired, show are you
doing9"
"Fust rate, boss,h he replied, with
chuckle; "I've been here week now, and
haint killed nobody yit.n
AS he became better acquainted he be-
came rather "fip" in his style, and one day
Mr.. Stokes came along and was not pleased
with SAINTS manner OF addressing him.
"Look here" he said, sternly, 'do you
know who am"
"Ob, yes" answered Sam, with easy
grace. "Co'use l does. You's Mistah
Stokes what Stayed Jim Fisk
Mr. Stokes passed on in silence.
80
Willie II. Lewis Is a 12-year-old West
Washington boy, who might have stood a
pretty fair chance to have captured the
conundrum prize If he had only tried
soon enough and long enough, but he came
In too late. This, however, ia what he
came UP With Why is quarter Of dollar
like a dollarp Because both are Is
cents cos cents conundrum like that
may not be worth 50, but II would not
take many like It to be worth that much
provided Willie evolved them out of his
own 12-year-old intellect
aHa
The next man who will demonstrate to
us the great strain a man puts himself to
by political life, that politicians tenure
of life is as uncertain as his tenure OF office,
will be the Old Roman Hon. A. q. Thur
man. During the campaign that ended In
the defeat of his candidacy for the second
highest Office in the country, Mr.. Thurman
was here In Washington some time and his
vigor called forth expressions Of surprise
from everybody. Few men of his age are
so sprlghtly and strong as Mr.. Thurman
was then. But the election came and went
and its stimulating excitement is over and
yesterday Mr. Thurman was again in the
| city. But he looked ten years older and
feebler than he did when he was here be-
fore. He had to be helped out OF his car
riage at the door to the hotel and his legs
seemed hardly able to support him. This
morning he went back to his quiet country
home and will probably stay pretty close
to 1t the rest OF his life. He realizes that
he is enfeebled, and, the absence of the
stimulous Of the political excitement he
| has been used to so long, makes him seem
| less well than he otherwise might. So he
has arranged to spend his time at his quiet
| home and prolong his life what he can by
| comfort aud tranquility. To people who
| talk to him he chats of politics like man
| who has not the slightest interest in such
! things, as If he was really too little inter
ested to keep posted on what is going on in
the political world
a@a
Every morning swart son of Italy
with a swarter dog trundles mechanical
street piano up under the composing-room
windows of THE CRITIC Office and grinds
out ''Johnny, Get Your Gun" As every
body knows, printer has a regular clock
like motion in picking the types out of his
case in "setting up" an article. Well, this
motion is slower than the jiggy measure of
johnny Get Your Cum" and the sprlghtly
tune breaks the printers all up. They can't
pick up the types fast enough to keep pace
with the tune and they can't help timing
their motion to the time, just as everybody
keeps step to band on the street. The
types drop from their nervous fingers and
into the wrong boxes and really the tune
bothers them great deal. So they wish
to ask our Dago friend to omit "Johnny,
Get Your Gun'' from his repertory.
~
Mrs. Lockwood is the champion of the
| n1nrifarnnp oflantna Oh
week DR.. II. NJ. Bennett, who lives next
door to Mrs. Lockwood, on street, COM
planned to the authorities that there was an
ailantus tree in front of Mrs. Lockwood's
house, and right beside the doorway to his
house. He said that the tree made itself
very disagreeable last summer after the
fashion of ailantus trees, and that he would
like to have 1t cut down before 1t began its
summer career of malodorousness this
summer. So gang of men with axes and
hammers and ropes was sent to demolish
their coats than Mrs. Lockwood injected
herself into the situation. She said many
thipgs. Among others, that the tree
was her tree and that 1t was not going to be
cut down. She spoke earnestly and loudly,
and, withal, efIectually. For she succeeded
in making the men "Oh, woodman, spare
that tree" as the old rhyme goes, and Or
dered them off. So Mrs. Lockwood's tree
seems in fair way to fill her doctor neigh
boris nostrils full of its customary smell
this summer as last.
a"a
| There is thirty-cent conscience back in
the interior that is sorely troubled and to-
day the Treasury Department is all amuck
as result This man swindled the Gov
eminent one time. He had thirty cents
worth of remorse, the which he invested in
six blue five-cent postage stamps, put them
into an envelope and forwarded them to
Treasurer of the United States. The letter
with the stamps safe and sound, arrived
to-day and If this man knew how much
trouble he had caused, his thirty-cent con
science would have been even more panied
than before. They have what they call the
conscience fund in the Treasury. To this
fund are converted all the conscience con
tributions sent to the Treasury. But there
is rule to the effect that legal-tender
money only shall be placed In this fund.
Checks and drafts and postage stamps
don't go. SO when these six clean, blue
five-cent stamps arrived at the Treasurer's
office this morning there was trouble. They
could not be thrown away, because there
had already been dollar or two worth OF
bookkeeping and brie6ng and indorsine
and referring done over them, and II
throw away or lose anything at all that
belongs in the u. s, Treasury subjects tn,
Treasurer to a charge Of malfeasance Sc