The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-06-19

~ w the sanctum, with
lA(@~~a confident air, a
n 49, yard-wide smile,
NJxt.t1&X a6sH and a general APP
HEFS$1 H pearance of mildew
hRTfN = about his whole APP
Ef&M IA appearance. He was
.NSxE IN in high spirits; the
-HE,t.SsRYH spirits pervading
a<SSsHH n his being could be
[GRE$| lfacti ely dis
w. erned at a distance of ten
Zos&S feet. There was more grease
rfIT on his coat than in his flesh.
l." After a fourishing and all
comprehensive bow he handed in
dog cared card, we'll marked by fire.
quent cleanings with bread-crumbs,
and on it "T. Wellington Hustler,
p. p. p"
"P'rmit me INTRODUCE meself; have
the honor Take seat? Cert One
cheer for Husslerl Ha! How's that ?"
And he pulled up the only vacant
chair in the place and planted it before
the Observation-Disclosures managing
editor.
"Hussler's my name; yes, that's it,
T. wellington Hissler, Il. Il. r.. that's
Patent Poetry Pufer Idea of my
own. Big thing Starting new cen
| tury. time for new ideas-Im the man
for the time. Coin tshow you now
how t'revolutionize journalism. Make
the Ledger greatest paper on earth.
Sure thing LOCKER here Just give
you er idea, rough notes.
snow, the old dried and hayseed
methods played 'tirely played out.
Know that, don'tcher? What makes
err paper pay, Ell? Why, 'tizing, ads,
them's what does the biz, amt so?
Well, locker here See these notes I?
Just dashed off on spur moment, you
know, butll give you the idea.
Run all your ads in poetry-sharp,
snappy, fictitious. I'll write 'em,
twenty-five cents line. It'll take like
gin bitters. Children1l cry for 'em.
Boom Ledger. Bun up circulation to
toto anywhere, nowhere, every
where! See. Look here" And he
slapped down slip after slip of soiled
paper, with his dirty fingers pointing
out the words as he read them to the
still dumb INSTRUMENTATION editor.
See here, one for your tailor. Run
any name in. Listen:
Ben Shippers coats are all complete;
His vests OF all vestments neat;
His trousers all have double seat
In overcoats he can't be beat
| With fashions new he'll fashion you
Into blooming hoop-de-dude-en-doo.
Flows that? Sure to catch on, an
adj. of that style. Tailor socks up for
year, sure pop. See
"Then. look here again. Mother
line of biz
Planter. the gentlemanly undertaken,
| General repairer and cabinet-maker,
Has his new shop cranned, from ground to
roof.
With furniture, cheap or costly, and hne,
| And every article in his line.
In his patent caskets-they're ireproof-
! He'll bury sinner, or bury n saint,
And his hearse-w wheels shine in new red paint.
| IL you want in his line anything at all,
BE sure and give friend Planter a call.
"There's genius for you-neat and
comprehensive, amt it? Why. if
your undertaker's got a cents worth of
snap in him, it's good for double
column at double rates
Now here's how you can make q
steak ont of your butcher. No charge
for that joke. L throw 'em in often
that'r way" And he plunked down
another shabby bit of paper, reading
! off
Butcher Bones he keeps the shop
Where you get the red ripe mutton-chop;
The AGENTS. n pound soup joints, prime steak =,
And you never eat such head-choese as he
makes.
For all good things in the way OF meat,
Old Bones, the butcher, can't be beat.
"Or just take this layout to get your
wife's bonnets at first cost and an ad.
for the Ledger:
Miss Arabella Celestine De Long
Makes her bonnets up Il Ter bong tong
In man tua- making she just jeunessee,
And her fits are entirely le June R6ree.
Straw goods bleached and pressed in lates;
style;
To call on Arabella is quite worth your while
And here's one1l get your dentist,
sure:
~Jerkem the Dentist he's the boy
To ease your pain and give you JOY:
II pour teeth want either pulling or plugging.
Jerkem's the chap TO do the slugging.
He yanked four for Us, last week, quite slick,
And ave never gave grunt or kick.
Only qua ter apiece he charged us, too,
He'll do the same, good sir, for you.
Those two last are neat, if do
say it myself Maybe I'm little loose
in my French on the Arabella squib
but then, what's your compositors and
proof-readers for if it amt to correct
such slips of the teeming brain oil
genius"
The managing editor still said not
ing, but there was deadly glare in his
cold, blue eye
Here's a soft plum for your baker
now" continued the p. p. p, produc
ing it:
For wheat rye the white or brown,
Friend Crusty's the best bread man in town
! Upon his pies there are no flies
To that. my son, YOU can bet your eyes.
He's got EN-. dried-apple. custard and nince
Fit for the Presidents wife or n prince.
I Five cents FOR o1le-half OF n two-inch thick pie
Nobody can call that figure high;
Occasionally one does our table grace.
And fills long-telt want in our vacant space.
mo baker in Chicago could growl al
p. p. p. and al. combined, like that
Ell? And here's a dodge to work youl
lunch-route:
AT Dobbins' Railroad Hotel Caffee
You can your steaming denny tassee,
His fifteen cent dinners are most researcher,
And his hsh-cakes biggest ever you see.
Finest drinks he has, your heart TO cheer.
Five cents buys "A pint and n half schooner o
beer;
Hard-bOilod eggs also ut two for five
Dobbin is the man that's al alive.
Now that's just a rough sort of q
layout of the SCENE, and / can TAX,