The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-08-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


A soft ant, sir, turneth away a pick
nicker from the custard pie.-SVtings.
"You advertised for nurse, MADAME"
Odd. What experience have you
had with dogsG"
A country doctor who owned smoke
house hung out sign-"Consumption
and hams cured"
A corner in waterproof footwear is an
insult to the understanding.-POrtland
(Ne.) Adrertiser.
The only way to get hen out of the
garden is to go slow but shoo'er.-
Merchant TrapeIer.
People who are fond of eggs take more
interest in the hens than in the poets lay.
--.Ncto York Herald.
"Buy your leave, sir" as the landlord
remarked when he paid an undesirable
tenant to vacate.-Sytings.
She-"All extremely bright men are
awfully conceited, anyway" He-'Oh,
don't know; I'm not. ."-HarUard Lam
p00n."
Wife-''I wish you would push this
baby carriage little way" Husband
"Well, will, if you will carry the baby"
Boston Herald.
A London journal facetiously remarks
that "Mr Conybeare dined with his ad-
mirers on the Queens birthday. Covers
were laid for one"
"Howton has some very strange ideas
about dress" ''You surprise me. Judg-
ing from his dress, imagined he had no
ideas at all. "-Bazdr.
He-'What lovely-er complexion
Miss Slimlymme has Her arms remind
one of ivory" She-"Or bone. -
I'erre Haute Express.
Horrified Husband-"A dollar for
those two quilts in your hat Why, it
would have been cheaper to buy the
whole goose. ."-Basdr.
William Kinns has a fine pair of veal
calves hung up in his market to tickle the
palates of his customers, that weigh $50
pounds each.-SaratOga Union.
Hired Girl ito tramp, tattered and
travel stained) d)-"Well, you're dandy"
Tramp Surveying himself sorrowfully)-
"Yes, I'm dandy; but Pm no dude"
eyes" he acknowledged sadly, as he
rose from his knees, 81 am an amateur
photographer, but do not like to take a
negative al the same. .p-NesO York Her.
all. ~
Fond Father-''You want my daugh-
ter, eh2 Have you any prospectsp
Suitor-"No, sir" Fond Father-"Nor
has she. Take her and be happy. -
Harper's Basar.
Matron-''If give you your breakfast
will you do some work in return?" Tramp
Eyes, madam; promise to exert my
self sufficiently to eat the breakfast you
give me. - Yankee Blade.
Boy-"Oh, mamma, our cat has caught
a rat. -Mamma-'Take it away from
puss and give it to the Chinese laundry
man when he calls. He'll allow deduc-
tion on the wash. ."-Epoch.
$50 out and despatch that snake" or
dered the Bostonian, and her green gar
dener Mortified the female telegraph opera
tor by attempting to send the snake by
telegraph. York Herald.
When a distinguished citizen enters
your home, you do not ask him to "take
a seat on the floor" but if he should visit
Congress or the Legislature, it is consid-
cred just the thing TO do.-BostOR Post.
Freddie--''Why, old chappie, heard
that the sheriff sold you out yesterday;
and yet here you are with your stick and
oyeglass same as ever Teddie-"O,
me boy, the law won't take away the
tools Of ones trade, don'tcherknow. -
Time.
Ella-'How do you like Mr.. Mashl 1
hear he called the other night. - Ethel
81 think he's fearfully horrid. He
asked me if l could play on the piano,
and | told him that couldn't play much.
"And what thenln "That was all. ~
NelO York Sun.
There was a death in the house. A
neighboring undertaken calling TO offer
his services was told that another had al
ready been engaged. Pardon said
the disappointed man, bowing himself
out, ~ hope l shall be happier another
time. ."-SVrings.
"You needn't look at yourself in the
glass so much, Mary said a husband,
sarcastically; ''you are not so very hand
some" Everybody doesn't think as
you do, )" she said as she gave an extra
twirl to a riuglet and added more ralish
set TO her hat. And the husband fell
into deep meditation. .-Bost0n Cos1rir.