Telegram-herald., 1889-04-26

IAoa.-h 1-1l : Gztite. as illlELkted -
tie chairman. / L4se visited. sre4t
nlany sears axs. tie otu1s. ieA lslaads-
tAzg Ieaeefll land. tai bsasgill kll1
tl4r f.r ot hens x profound 'sepcss
4nd sott iatc'ence. and dreamy solitude
1Lere lie IS ore i0ng. s-Uuoerissss Sab
bath. the climate oIle llDg delicious sUEl-
uleF day aa1 tle goDi that dle "a fsrlence
ao change Tor they 0ut lall asleep "a ol-e
heaven and wake ug Ia another. And
these loys have played blzse BAL theie.-
baseball which i the very symbol. the
outward aud visible expression of tie
drive and push and rush and struggle
~ the rGglng. tearing. booming Niue-
teellh century. One cannot re-
aii1e ir. the Flace and the fat are ~ ia
congruous. lts Aks interruptlns q fu-
neral with "a circus. Why. there IS TO
legitimate point II contact. 10 possible
kinship. between baseball and the Sand
wich Islands. baseball is all fact tho
Islands al sentiment In base eoau you've
got 70 10 everything just right or you
don't get there. ii the islands you've got
q DO every thing just wrong Or you can't
stay there. iou do IL wrong - get it
right. for II you do it right you set IL
wrong, there isn't any way Il get II
right but to do II wrong. and the ~Eonser
You DO il the Fighter II Is.
The natives illustrate this every day.
They never mount horse from the lar
board side, they always mount him from
ti4e starboard. on the other hand. they
never milk q cow on the starbOard side.
they always milk her on the larboard;
is why Won SEQ SO many short people
there-they've got their heads kicked
OF. When they meet ON the road they
don't turn out 10 the right. they turn out
10 the left. And SO, from always doing
everything wrong end first that way 1t
makes them left handed-left handed
and cross eyed; they are all SO. When
a child is born the mother goes right
along with her ordinary work, without
losing half a day-it's the father that
knocks off and goes 20 bed till he gets
over the circumstance. And those na-
tives don't trace descent through the
male line, but through tho female.
They say they always know who
child's mother was. Well. that odd
system is well enough there, because
there a woman often has as many as
six or seven husbands, all at the same
time-and 81 properly married TO her,
and no blemish about the matter any
where. Yet there is no fussing. no
trouble. When u child is born the hus-
bands all meet together in convention, in
a perfectly orderly way, and elect the
father. And the whole thing is perfectly
fair; at least as fair as it would be any
where. OF course you can't keep politics
out-you couldn't do that in any country;
and SO, if three of the husbands are Re
publicans and four are Democrats, it
don't make any difference how strong a
Republican aspect the baby has got, that
election is going Democratic every time.
And in tho matter of that election those
poor people stand at the proud altitude Of
the very highest Christian civilization.
for they know, as well Us we, that all
women are ignorant, and so they don't
allow that mother to vote.
in those islands tho cats haven't any
tails, and the snakes haven't any teeth;
and what is still more irregular, the man
that loses 4 game gets the pot. And rs
to dress, the native women all wear
single garment, but tho men don't. No,
the men don't wear anything at all they
hate display; when they even wear
smile they think they are overdresscd.
Speaking Of birds, the only bird there
that has ornamental feathers has only
two, just barely enough TO squeeze
through with, and they are under its
wings instead of on top Its head, where,
Of course, they ought to DO to do any
good.
The native language IS soft and liquid
and flexible, and in every way efficient
and satisfactory-til you get mad; then,
there you are-there isn't anything in it
to swear with. Good Judges all say it is
the best Sunday language there is; but
then all the other six days in the week it
just hangs idle on your hands; it isn't
any good for business, and you can't
worl, a telephone with II. Many a time
the attention of the missionaries has been
called TO this defect, and they are al
ways promising they are going to fix il;
but no. they 20 fooling along and fool
ing along, and nothing il done.
Speaking of education, everybody
there is educated, from the highest TO
the lowest; in fact, it is the only country
IN the world where education is actually
universal. And yet every now and then
YOU run across instances Of ignorance
that are simply revolving simply de-
grading - tho humanTace. Think Of II
there. tho ten takes the ace, But TT
Us not dwell on such things. they make
q person ashamed Well. the mission
aries are always going to fix that but
they put it or. and put II of, and pat it
or. and SO that nation is going t. keep
on going down. and down. and down.
/ till some day YOU vii see a pair Of jacks
beat astraight flush
well. it Is refreshment q the iaie1.
water T. the thirsty. 90 look upon mon
nho havo So lately breatheI tho soft airs
of those Isles If tho Blest. and had IT,
fore their ewes the incxtDruishable vis-
ION Of their hcaufy. ~ alien land In al
Tho world has any deep. strong charm
for me but that one. 10 other land could
So lonrinriv and 50 heseechinglT haunt
me sleeping and waking. through half
4 lifetime. & that one hss done.
Othsr things leave ne, bat it ab.-es.
other things change. but it remains
tie same. Fer mo Is talmY airs
ere aIwaTs blowing. i-s summer
sfas flashing in enc snr. fto rn.srE -
l-s surf beat IS in uv ears can s1e iis
csrlardef cra~s. ia learinz cascades. its