Connecticut western news., 1889-09-18
FUN.

This Years Style-TreasWers' ac- counts are being worn very short this season.-Columbu Dispatch.
 "This is an add junk to my busi- ness," said the ragman, as he gathered in lot of old iron.--New York Jour nal.
 A correct statement-Patient-tsDo cucumbers distress all people, doctor?" Doctor-"No, sir; only those who eat them. Judge.
 Lady guest to a small boy-"Why, Willie, how tanned you are?" Willie (frankly)-'Yes'm; father done it." Philadelphia Inquirer.
 She-"As the Vassar girl said to the West Point cadet" He-''What was that?" She-s'It's a long time be- tween ice-creams.'' .''-Puck.
 Wife (tearful) ul)-"You've broken the promise you made mel" Husband . (kissing her)-"Never mind, my dear, don't cry; I'll make you another."- Munsey's Weekly.
 The Uses of Words--Lawyer's Clerk -'.Will you take chair, Miss?" Bos- ton Girl-"No, thank you, wouldn't know what to do with it. But I'll sit down if may. Life.
 A tell-tale sign.-Ted-"Why are you so sure Miss Lonely hasn't beau?" Ned-ssI called on her the other evening, and there wasn't an armchair in the parlor. Epoch.
 AS it were, fire light.-"In what light" asked the teacher, "did the Emperor Nero regard the Christians at Rome?" And the smart bad boy thought it was ght.-Burdette Something new in bric-a-brac.- Ethe1-ssOh, saw such sweet match safe this afternoon" GeOrge-ssWhat shape was it in?" "It was in the shape of a marriage certificate."- Time.
 He Con the piazza at nignt- ''There's cool wave coming" She anxiously-"Oh, dear! I hope it won't come between us." And he drew nearer, so it couldn't.-Chicago Globe.
 Slightly personal. = Magistrate = ssDescribe the man whom you saw assaulting complainant" Policeman "He was little, insignificant looking cratur, about your size, your worship" Grip.
 Ebenezer-"Did you water the COWS tonight, Hiram?" Hiram-ssNo, for got" Ebenezer-"You shouldn't have forgotten, but then we will water the milk, and that will do just as we'll" Grip.
 A terrible burden.-Clara-ssW a terrible noise that wagon makes!" George-"Yes, it's dreadful, isn't it2" "What makes it groan so, George?" "Why, it is filled with green apples" -Yonkers Statesman.
 Tommy-"Paw, what is a philan- thropistP" Mir. Egg LA philan- thropist, my son, is man who would rather supply dozen men with col- lar apiece than give one man shirt" -Terre Haute Express.
 At the cashiers window sI have you in my power! I am the king of the outlaws! Hand out the cash" Cashier-s:I have never seen you before. You will have to be identified before we can do business" Omaha World.
 Philological.- al.-Nolan fresh from the told sod'-'sOi wonder phwat makes thim Dootchmen spake such quare lingo, Teddy. Sure Oi can't undher- stand thim at all, at all!" Dolan- "Faix, it mustn't be the beer, Barney. Oi can't even understand mysilf very we'll afther dhrinkin couple av cans." Puck.
 s'It's hard to be left here alone," said Simpkins, whose wife had gone away for the summer, every hard" ssSeems kind O lonesome, does it?" "Yes, intensely lonesome. Everything around me seems to wear an air of melancholy" s'Yes, I notice it. Even that bottle on the mantel-piece seems low spirited. ."-Arkansas Tray eler.