The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1889-11-18
OLD COOL IN THE ARMY,
rNew York Mail and Fxpress1
BY ROSE TERRY COOK.

New York Mail and Expressl
He wasn't old at all not day over twenty
when he Joined the regiment; a great, tall,
hulking fellow, with big, honest face like q
boys, weighed It's pounds if he did an ounce,
and answered to the name of joseph Cooley.
We all called him Joe, to begin with, and
this yarn is to tell how he got his other
name.
We shipped aboard a river steamer at New
York for Ship Island, fgteen hundred of us
may be you boys don't know what that
means-aboard of a river steamer? 1t means
that every berth had two men in it,, layin'
heads and p'ints, and glad to get one at that;
the unlncky ones lynn side by side on the
floor, like herring in box, thick as they
could lie.
When we'd got about abreast of Hatteras
there came up about O'Clock one of the high
old regulation kind Of storms, buster. I
can't begin to tell how the wind bowed; it
came solid, as IL you was struck with some
thing steady that pressed you down; we
couldn't STAN up againstit They talk about
waves rollin' up mountain high, that's
poetry but I'd be willin' to make my affidavit
in court that they did run all of sixty feet
high each side of us.
The steamer couldn't make a mite of head
way nor wouldn't answer to her hellum, and
there we lay, side on, in the trough of the
sea. like a fly in hammock. swlngin' to and
fro sideways. Every now and then big
sea'd come slap down, like close to thunder,
onto the deck and sweep everything off her,
There was hundred barrels of beef went to
feed the fishes that night
lay in my berth a-lookin' out Of the win
derive of us had that state room, four in
the berths one on the floor. Joe Cooley had
the floor; right outside there was lifeboat
lying geared onto the deck, and all around 1t
was thick row of men holdin' on to her
gunnel with both hands. SOS to get the first
chance.
"Wellv' says l. kind of disguised.
whats up?" says Joe, lookin' up at me.
So told him.
Him." say he, ~ guess I'd jest as lives
be drowned in bed as out DOORS" So if he
didn't draw up his blanket and 60 to snorin'
You see. just a minute before the cap en-
of the beat had come through the deck cabin
where We was, and one of the fellers sung
out to him, 'call this considerable of
storm, don't ye, cap'en?
sence of 'em being that we was going to the
bottom inside of an hour, and Joe heered
him.
Sure enough, there was no chance for the
men hangin' on to that boat, their faces white
as death, and their fingers gripped into that
gunnel till they bled :; for II the ship had
gone to the bottom, that boat would have
cracked like an eggshell the first wave that
gin it a blow. Itwds scary time for all OF
us.
Some of the fellers took 1t one way and
some took it another; people amt jest alike
Some prayed and some grit their teeth and
kept still. Joe was the only one that went
to sleep and slep' through.
However, we didn't 90 down, for about 2
o'clock in the morning there come the biggest
kind Of thunder storm against the big blow,
and the wind and rain out of that killed
those great waves fiat. In twenty minutes
after 1t set in the sea was ordinarily peacea
Bile, the boat got soft the hellum steered her,
and we went right along, and come morning
Joe got up from his bed on the floor, shook
himself, rubbed his eyes. looked round and
well, fellers !" says he, 1--WE amt drowned
mot as wa're sensible of" says Chaplin, a
'You took it rather COOL" says l to Joe:
Names COo as@ says avs he claaghin And
Cool" just as it happened
Lots Of 'em were dreadful sick, to begin
with, some for one day, some for two, some
all the way. You can guess If twas pleasant.
We were all in for it. goin' to fight. We'd
hoilored and waved flags, and had speeches
made to us, and felt considerable good about
it; that was the top dressin'. Now we began
to strike hard pan, and tell you we didn't
think about our country every minute, not
much.
Well Joe he wasn't sick minute; he'd
go steppin' round amongst the felers as
softly as girl. GRIMM at one, givin' water
10 another, fxin' this ones head up onto
knapsack, and proppin' that one up g'inst a
ii l,.atA hoe al oil fc
days.
When some of the men would groan he'd
say, '"Tis ruther unpleasant, amt it? Scold
away; it'll do ye good to spit 1t all OUT" and
they'd have to grin.
We got to land after while, as dirty aud
water-tired a lot as ever you see; quite GER
tain that soderin' wasn't neither fun nor
play; but, bless you? we hadn't but just
said A. There was the hull alphabet to
come.
There we was, parcel of volunteers. do
ing, nothing but drill, in lazy, sloppy kind
of q climate, with nothing but meat victuals
and hard bread-i tell We we. pined after
onions and sech truck worse.n them old
Isrelites in the hymn book did!
well remember how one day Charley
Bliss was rUarln' out that old hymn,
The way is all new, as 1t opens to view,
An behind Is the ioamln' Red Sea.
And don't talk about garlic to me.
Chaplin stepped up. as solemn as clam.
and threatened to punch his head.
stop that blarsted tune!' says he. I'm
nigh about ready to desert for head of cab
bage, and can't bear to hear onions made
light Of"
There was one colonel had regiment In
camp along OF us who was the greatest hand
TO nag the men yOn ever see He was as
perniekity as an old maid and as notional as
an old bachelor He KEEP the men up to drill
as though twas salvation and inspected them
within an inch OF their lives and called that
discipline: aud p'rhaps it was.
But he done worse; he KEEP settin' traps
for to ketch the men Dappin.' He'd travel
outside the videttes and pickets, SOS to see
il they was awake and alert, and II they
wasn't then they had to take It,
Well, as | was sayin', we were new 20 toe
business, and to be spied on and r0ared al
and ketched nappin' made us all pretty snap
pish, and Cool himself, who was ordinarily
as clever as could be, was stirred up.
IN OK him" says he one night, when we
was talking it oyer by the fire. wait till
nv turn comes"
Sure enough, the next night he was on vi
dette duty. and he heered a noise in the
bushes. Up went his mGsket.
"Who goes there?" he reared
4'Onicer OF the day." says the colonel
IL know no officer Of the day outside the
lines; throw up your hands, dismount and
surrender" yelled Cool
al tell you I'm officer of the day." says the
colonel, madder'n yeller hornet.
81 know no officer of the day outside the
lines: dismount or fire." repeated Cool
Well, the colonel r'ared and sputtered, but
Cool never lowered his gun, and finally the
colonel had to dismount and come along to-
ward Cool.
81 tell you, you blockhead, I'm colonel
S3lank, officer of the day."
Cool cooked his gun and levelled it at the
feller,g head, sayin' again:
81 know no officer 81 tne gay Iet Sal sb tns
dimes: give up your side-arms, OF small shoo
Well the colonel RELY b'lieyed Cool did9,l
reco'nize him, so he HANDED over ms SIDE
arms, and Cool marched him 10 clear tlrong \.
the camp to headquarters, an handed aih
over to tue general. o,oo,d
/ tell you Mister Blank got charge ocolo
shot In the line otongue-lashin' that Tune
for the general was full o'steels but Cool go'
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