Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1889-01-17
HIS VERY LAST CIGAR.
FickLERY's DIZZY EVENING AT a
FIVE DOLLAR BANQUET.

FiCkLEBYS DIZZY EVENING Al a
FIVE DOLLAR BANQUET.
He Had in a v and Was Going to Get the
Worth of His Money-Everything Went
Beautifully Until That Horrid Cigar Got
in Its Wicked Work.
sit was my last cigar" said Mr..
Fickleby, and, carried away by the flood
OF sad memories, he leaned his head upon
his hand and wept. "You see," said he,
''the fellows in our set determined to
have q banquet, and we've been saving
up since the last Fourth of July. 1t was
to be a five dollar affair, and for a week
beforehand | lived on husks and abjured
pie. / VIA determined to eat, drink and
be merry, and l forced myself into a vast
capacity.
1.-THE night came. 1t took me two
hours to dress, but it was worth while,
and when looked on myself at 8 o'clock
l beheld q glass of fashion and a mold of
form. There must have been fifty or
sixty of the fellows at the banquet. Be
sides our set there We're a large number
of invited guests. 1t was about l0o'clock
when we sat down, and ] was SO ema-
ciated from continued and rigorous fast
ing that / could hardly hold myself
straight.
THAT FLYER sPURRED HIM ON.
II rarely touch wine, but when / pay
So for a single meal, when at my board
ing house / can get twenty-one for the
same money, / stop at nothing. So l
permitted the mental to replenish my
sherry glass as often as l emptied it,
while oysters, bouillon, salmon, sweet
breads and lamb chops vanished behind
my waistcoat. Nor did / permit the
claret to flow past me, but slipped it
while I discussed a tender bit Of beef
with asparagus. l have heard much of
the seductive and insidious influences of
punch, but / must say that the punch
we fellows had at the banquet seemed to
me more like lemon ice cream soda
| water than the fiery untamed spirit of
the alcoholic flask.
cigarettes came with the punch, I
may as well confess that 1 am not an In
veterate smoker. In fact, two or three
cigarettes a year generally is sufficient to
allay any cravings ! have for the noxious
weed. But on an occasion like a five
dollar banquet l am possessed to indulge
in the most reckless dissipation, and after
the punch l made away with two. cigar
cites. Partridge and a sip or two of
claret followed. l dealt literally, as Is
my wont, with the ice cream and the
cakes, the coffeeand the fruits, and when
the toasting began, and the champagne
was poured out, l began to feel glorious.
1.-THE speeches were capital. Some of
the most learned and witty men I ever
heard answered to the several toasts.
Every man around me was smoking. |
summoned a waiter and babe him bring
me q cigar, 1t was just glorious. Through
the blue wreaths of smoke / could just
see the orator flinging out his arms over
the china and silver. | slipped the spark
ling wine. Everything was happy. I
sat and laughed and let my head roll
where it would.
"The cigar finished / sat back finger
ing my wine glass as I listened to the
speakers about me. Suddenly I felt
something like a dark, damp green mold
creeping over me. / broke out in a pro-
fuse perspiration. A vague. feeling that
l was full of protopiasms possessed ne.
a strange power seemed trying to raise
my lungs into my throat. Thespeech lost
its brilliancy. / shaded my eyes with my
hand and gazed earnestly a the table
cloth. The plates began to move about
strangely. Through the cloud of smoke
about my head came the sound Of clap
ping hands. Who had been speaking I
neither knew O cared. There was a
wild, turbulent feeling Of rebellion in the
region of my diaphragm.
HES UNDER Il TABLE"
Somebody rose and began to speak.
I dared not raise my eyes to see him.
The plates swan round and round. How
the damp perspiration gathered on my
forehead I could endure the suspense
no longer. / felt that something was
about to happen. Without a moments
hesitation l slipped under the groaning
board and began myself to groan in
unison with it. 1t may be said that the
cause OF our grooming was IDENTICAL
heavy load, If tobacco smoke can be
called a load. ! languidly raised my
eyelids and looked around. saw q
forest of legs belonging to the leading
preachers, doctors and lawyers in town,
a vast forest of legs. I heard more hand
clapping. The legs began to dance, the
table rocked, a chasm opened some.
where. Somebody cried, He's unde,
the tablet Then there was laughter.
"An at nee I went to pieces. / re.
member nothing save a confused ap-
pearance Of black faces, and wondered
If was with Stanley. They hauled me
along. 1 Tried to think whether ! wa
Emin Bey or Gerard Fickleby. If I wa.
the former l knew Stanley would rescue
me. Ii / was the latter / knew that
was not feeling well. Iasked the coloreG
person who was supporting me, ant
whom / believed to be the king OF Sene
gambia, If we vera anywhere near the
Congo river. He said something about
Genesee, and l believed argued the poin-
with him, though I am not sure. Iknou
I looked ut the floor just a second, ant
when l raised my eyes the stars wers
shining over my head and the Their
mometer was below zero.
at seemed to me that the common re
ports of African torridness were al
wrong. ] looked about for o chair, but
could find none, and was forced t o si
down on the sidewalk. A policeman,
believe 1t was, came along and tried tx
carry IN a social conversation with me
He was an ignorant man, however, ant
failed to follow my train of thought, ant
! told him what i thought of him. Ire
member nothing more until I found my
self In bed with a large wet cloth on my
head. No, / am firmly resolved neve Il
smoke another cigar."-Buffalo Courier
An Exclusive Club.
sim sorry, gentlemen, but them's m,
horders. Cawn't admit nobody without
a card" The speaker was a smooth
shaver. short haired yollnp man wh,