The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-06-20

Zed Ampersan (angrily) &c ooke'
here, Sim. You said that there horse 70,
sold me was warranted sound an kind.
Sim Simon Gnnocently)-" Yessiree
He was warranted sound an kind by TIL
city Teller bought him of"
WEIGHT NOT CORRECT.
Mr.. Youngcouple-"What is this oak,
you have made, darling9"
"Mrs. Youngcouple-"A pound cake
sweetest"
Mr.. Youngcouple-"I think there mus
be something the matter with the scales.
Burlington Free Press.
BOBBY BEGUILED.
Father-"Bobby, are you too lame tt
walk mile and half to circusa"
Bobby-"No, indeed, father"
Father-"Well, then, you will go int
The yard and run the lawn-mower unit
bedtime. I've no circus money thi
year. Omaha World.
A LOVE OF JUSTICE.
"Where did you get that cake, Annie2'
'Mother gave it to me-"
"She's always a-giving you more n sh'
does me-"
"Never mind, Harry; she's going tt
put mustard plasters on us tonight, ant
I'll ask her to let you have the biggest.
life.
HE KEPT BOTH.
Prudent Lover-'I have vital secre
to confide in you which you must promis'
to forever hold sacred"
Kind Parent-"What is your secret2'
Prudent Lover-''I want your daugh
ter's hand in marriage"
Kind Parent-'I shall never give j
World.
THE IDEAL AND THE REAL.
Scene-A painters studio-Parven,
Art Patron-"T bit of landscape suit
me very well, only it's trife too quiet
How much more would it come to, if 20,
were to put in couple of hares2"
Artist-"About eight marks"
Patron--"Go gracious! Why, cal
buy them cheaper alive!'
Artist-"But not such fat ones !"-
Der UM.
A SLIGHT RESPITE.
Count Bagitnolles Gust after his rejec
IA! You refuse one of q
nobility of Fr-rance? 60 me away TO
evair!"
Miss Kiettletas-"I wouldn't hurry
Mamma wants you to stay to dinner will
us. We are to have brazed legs d'frog
with truff1es."
Count Bagitnolles-"M erci! I will my
self give one more hour of blees before
f1y."-Time.
ONE IN THE FAMILY.
Boy-"Papa, is there really such
thing as an ossiied MANI"
Papa "a poor relation)-"Ther is, m,
son. Your Uncle Bullion is an ossifet
man."
Boy-'Why, I never heard that be
fore! Why doesn't he exhibit himself ii
4 show2"
Papa (savagely)-''He would if h
thought anybody would pay ten cents tt
see him. "-Chicago Tribune.
TOUCHED THE HEART GENTLY.
Fond Parent (sternly)-"More money
[ tell you, sir, 1 did not dare ask m
father for money when was your age. !"
Fly Youth-'I know the reason O
that"
F.P.-"You dos And what was tn
reason, pray9"
F. Y.-"Your father was not so kin
and generous hearted as mine is"
F. P.-"Well, I suppose l must l.
you have little, Jack; but go easy, IN
boy, 60 easy"
HIS MARK.
Stranger-"Can you tell me who ths
gentleman with the long hair and heav
mustache is sitting over there in the col
ner2 I'd bet dollar he's made his mar
in this world"
Citizen-"That fellow9 Yes, YOU
win; he's made it good many times
I saw it on a mortgage once. It
straight, about q quarter of an inc
long. He always gets some one
write over the top of 1t: bill Jones'
his mark. '"'-Detroit Free Press.
NOT THAT KIND.
Little Samuel-"Mr. Snoozles may
have some preserves2"
Mr.. Snoozles (regarding with intere.
the little fellow)-"Why certainl,
Samuel. But what made you think W
had any7"
Little Samuel-"Oh, I've often hear
ma and pa speaking about your famil
jars"
And when little Samuel and his Z
and ma reached the paternal domicil
there was family jar, and 1t was nc
preserved, either.
ON LONG JOURNEY.
Tramp-"Please, mum, Ican't git wor
at me trade anywhere now around herr
and wud you be so kind as ter help m
along on me journey to aplace where ! ca
find work3"
Lady-''Poor mani l didn't kno,
business was so dull. Where do you g,
pect to find work9''
.Considerin' the time o. year, mum
I's afraid I'll have to go a long way
north of here"