davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
Amusing Acuteness.
From Golden Dnns.

Nowadays acuteness is deemed essential to
success in any direction and certain amount
of it does materially aid IN the Accomplishment
Of a purpose. But OF IA person reputsd "cute, q"
it is advisable to beware, else may find
himself Unexpectedly involved in difficulties of
some kind.
While, for the greater part human acuteness
is tinctl;rod with base elements. it NAV be exer-
cised without injury to the agent or object.
merely exemplfy good-natured, though keen
wit.
A young man, under examination for admis-
sion to the University of Edinburgh, was
asked if he had studied logic, and replied affirm
atively.
You understand the difference between
cause and elTect?' inquired the professor
"Did you ever know an instance where the
effect was in advance Of the cause?"
Mention it," said the professor, in great
Well when a man pushes wheelborrow
ahead of MIN
On n certain occasion, Rabelais desired to visit
Paris, but was destitute Of the means for so
doing. He made up three packages and marked
them Poison for the King Poison for the
Dauphin. Poison for Monsieur -"
His landlord saw them, reported the case to
the authorities, and he was ARE sted and taken
to Paris. Tho contents of the packages were
Analysed found to be brckdust and harmless
Tlen Radicals explained matters and the king
was highly amused by the ruse.
In days gone by few southern lawyers were
more distinguished than Luther Martin. He
was one day riding to annapolis in a stage
coach when his only companion-a young man
who mad Just been admitted TO the bar-ad-
dressing him said:
MIR. Martin. you have been wonderfully sue
cessful in your profession Are you willing to
acquaiut me with the secret of your success?"
IF you Will pay my expenses during the few
days That shall remain in Annapolis"
Il will, " was the earnest response.
1t is in this advice: Deny everything and in
sist upon proof
AT Annapolis, Mr. Martin enjoyed all the
Injuries that fine hotel could furnish, regard
less of expense, and when the tine for his
departure arrived, pas 'ed the "1Hr'-of enor-
nous proportions the young lawyer who was
standing near The latter merely glanced at it,
and then returned it to 'Gr. Martin.
Aren't you going to pay it!' MIR. Martin
asked.
Pay WHAT"
This bill Didn't you promise to defray my
expenses while was in Annapolis?'
"]iy dear SIR was the quiet reply II DENY
every thing ana insist upon proof"
The eminent lawyer paid his bill and laugh
ingly said to the young man:
You need no further counsel from me-
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
The Old Oaken Bucket.

From The Christian AdUocdte.
With what anguish of mind remember my
childhood,
Recalled in the light of a knowledge since
The malarious farm, the wet, fungus grown
wildwood.
The chils then contracted which since have
remained;
The scum-covered duck pond, the pigsty close
by ii.
The ditch whore the sour smelling house
drainage fell;
The damp. shaded dwelling, the foul barnyard
nigl it,
But worse than all else was that terrible we'll
And the old oaken bucket, the mold-crusted
bucket,
The discovered bucket that hung in the
well.
Just think OF it! Moss on the vessel that
The water drank in the days called to mind
Ere / knew what professors and scientists
gifted
In the water Of wells by analysis find;
The rotting wood fiber, the oxide OF IRON
The algR, the frog OF unusual SIZE,
The water impure as the verses Of Byron,
Are the things remember with tears in my
eyes.
And to tell the sad truth, though I shudder TO
think of it,
considered that water uncommonly clear.
And often at noon when | went there to drink IT,
enjoyed IL as much as now enjoy b,,r
How ardent l seized it with hands that we're
grimy,
And quick 10 the Undiscovered bottom il fell:
Then reeking with nitrates and nitrtes. and
Shiny
With matter organic it rose from the we'll
Oh, had but realized in time to avoid them,
The dangers that lurked in that pestilent
draught,
I'd have tested for organic germs and de-
stroyed them
With potassie permanganate ere l had
quaGe1;
Or percnance I'd boiled it, and afterward
strained IL
Through filters OF charcoal and gravel COM
bined;
Or, after distilling, condensed and regained il
In potable form with It's filth left behind
How little knew of the dread typhoid fever
Which lurked in the water 1 ventured to
drink:
But since I've become devoted believer
In teachings Of science shudder l. think
And now, far removed from the scenes I'm de.
scritinE,
The story for warning TO others tell.
AS memory reVerts to my youthful imbibing,
And ] gag at the thought of that horrible
well
And the old oaken bucket, the fungrs-grown
bucket
well. j. G. BAYLEs,
New York Board of Health.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
The Twiggs County Outrage.

Gov. Gordon has offered reward of $3.50
FOR the arrest of the white rufflaus who
attempted to murder family of negroes in
Twiggs county, an account of which occur
renee appeared in the MORNING News a few
days ago. The negro family lives on the
plantation Of Mr.. j. H. Ward, and tina.
gentleman az written letter giving a fell
account Of the affair. He STATES tna5 tie
rutfians surrounded tho house Of the negroes,
and with their revolvers and rifi5s fired at
least fifty shots int it. Thinkilg, perhaps,
that they had killed the inmates, the leader
Of the band ate npted to enter the house
One Of tae negroes, Taylor Hill, having
determined to selIhis life dearly, struck hun
fearful blow with al ak az 10 opened the
door. 1t is thought that the disguise ruff
fan was IN lrUahy wounded be ;aI3e fal
to the ground and was carried away by his
associates. Had it uo5 been for tho over
throw Of the leadet of the band it is proba-
BILE that all the negroes in the house would
nave been murdered.
Mr.. Ward has called upon his neigAbors
to assist him in discovering and brin ling
| to justice those who were concerned in the
attack uDon the negroes. His call ought 10
be responded TO promptly. Tne entire
county of Twiggs is interested in having
the would-be assassins arrested and punished.
They SHOULD be hunted down, and when
discovered no effort should b. spared to
| give them a taste OF life in the DAde county
| c)a mines
Outrages like the one in Twiggs county
cannot be tolerated in this state Public
sentiment is against them If negroes
violate the laws LEI them be punished in the
courts. Llwless white men VINO undertake
to regulate communitias afte- their own
notions of what is right and wrong should
be made to understand that tho are law
| breakers, and should not be shown any
leniency by those whose duty it is to en-
force the laws.
White Caps and regulators may be toler-
ated in Ohio, but they will not be IN
Georgia. if the people of Twiggs county
do tn If duty they will soc to II that the
masked villains who attempted to co nmit
an outrage on Mr.. Wards plantation are
taught a lesson that viii efTectually cure
them of their desire to murder or even
whip negroes.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
The West Virginia MIDDLE.

The complication growing out OF the
failure Of the legislature of West Virginia
to declare the result Of the election for
governor afe rather novel There are now
three persons claiming the right TO dis
charge the duties of the otfics Of governor.
They are CIV. Wilson, who is holding on t.
the Office Lecause there is no one legally
qualihel !, in his opinion, to receive it from
MIN: G n. Golf, who was the republican
candid te r governor, and who claims
Lat On tie face Of the re urns he was
elected, aid Mr. Carr, the president of the
Senate, who says that'the constitution makes
it his duty to act as governor until the state
has legally qualified governor.
All three Of the claimants are determined
men aad may be expected to maintain the
posi- ions they have taken until the courts
decide who is entitled to the Office of gov
ernor Messrs Carr and Golf have taken
The oath of office, ard Gov. Wilson simply
rem ius in possession.
The legislature doubtless ought to have
made declaration with respect to the gov
ernorship, and thus prevented tine present
unhappy condition Of affairs. 1t took the
20 irioa THAI It vas unable to do so, how
ever, because it was not certain whether
G fl or Fleming was elected. 1t seems that
on the face Of the returns Golf had a small
majority, but Fleming, the democratic
candidate, began contest, Immediately
after tn election, insisting that he received
4 legal majority of the votes cast.
Some of the best lawyers Of the state say
hat the legislature having failed to declare
The result for governor, Golf has no ground
upon which 20 qualify. Mr. Carr has good
legal authority TO back him in his course
TIE constitution provides that governor
canno, hold over, and if that be the case,
and if Goff could not qualify, it would
Sc m a If Carr, as presidslt OF the Senate,
we're tha only one who could act as COVER
nor. The attorney general, However, says
hat Gov. Wisoa is the governor until the
returns have been cauvassel by the legisla-
turs and The result officially declared. The
ituation presents me very nice legal
questions. AID the West Virginia mujdie
may continue 10 attract attention for sew
ara weeks.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
BRIGHT BITS.

He Is a wise poet who knows his own poem
after it has been copied half a dozen times in
TIE newspapers. HdrDer's Maya .tne.
MAxNA-Why did you tell me lle Johnnie'
Johnnie-B4cauSe.m mamma you didn't give me
time to think up truth that would fit Wash
ia3toH Critic.
STILL ON TIE STRING. -Bangley (after a three
years absence from honeJ-ilas Miss Lamson
sQt that fellow Dacey on the string yet?
Tooler--Yes; she married him. Hos on the
apron string now.-BIT!in0torl Free Press
WHAT the do,lc~ does Mrs. - wear so many
puffs and things for: ,hed a lady al the Won
Schroeder ball last week Why was the reply,
she has INDUCED SO much in fashionable dlsSi-
patton that she has the de!lrium trimmings" -
san francisco NeloS Letter.
so you've gone on the stage, Hiss Mash'"
What part do you take''
well. IL am one of the pages that remove
the big chairin the second act but as soon as 1
can save up money for a wardrobe shall star.
chicago Herald.
Books published 800 years ago sell for from
S25 TO $500 a volume" Many modern authors
whose unstable editions are repoSing on book
sellers shelves, must regret that they didn't
nave their works printed IN the fifteenth cen
fury But we don't suppose they thought OF
that. -NoTTistOjl Herald.
IT depends on where you live as to what you
do If you quarrel vita somebody in Paris, vi
emma, or St. Petersburg you fight duel; in
YORK you dun him for an old debt, while in
Cleveland you build houses at each other on
Euclid arenue. -P.ttsburgh Chronicle.
A MGsUNDERsrANDING-Mis Knickerbocker (of
New York, dining in Boston, adapts her CONVEX
saton 70 her environment-Dpy you consider the
religion o. the American Indian pure theism,
Mr.. Two nby?
Mr.. Twomoiy-O, 1 say, come Off beg your
pardon. | mean you are under a slight mis-
apprehension. l an from Chicago.-Puck.
THE SAMOAN QUgsT1oN.-"Whats all this talk
about preserving t le anatomy of the Samoan
islands, remarked congressman elect to
mem Der OF tue House fore IN affairs committee
so far as | can understand it responded
the able foreign a.fairS man, Its saving the
bones OF what's hat after tue treaty powers
| have treated thentsel Ives to all they want
"Ah. see now rejoined the new member;
"a sort of joint protectorate Puck.
THE publishers Of the Cen t,try announce that
they stopped the press TO insert in the March
number an article on The Rules OF the House
| tween the monthly magazine ami the daily
| paper. the latter doesn't stop the press to
| announce" anything less startling than a muir
| der or priz= fight. An article on the rules Of
| tine House of Represent at:v.s would be crowded
out day after day for a week, if necessary, to
make room for reports Of base ball matches and
prize fights -NorristogH Herald.
I've been to all the big manufacturing cities
| of the world, > said a travelling man, but
| know man in Milwaukee who runs a bigger
| plant than anybody else that / ever saw
Iron work."
| No"
Electric lght!"
| NO"
manufacturer Of any kind?"
! NO"
well, who is he anyhow"
Hes the sexton in grave yard. Merchant
| TrdUsie~.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
Queen Victoria's Footman.
From the Youth's Companton

In the days when Prince Albert bad come to
WOO the Queen Of England the crowd of people
VINO wished to catch a glimpse of royalty as il
promenaded upon the terrace at Windsor Castle
was greatly increased by reason o. the general
interest IN the young couple. One dav York
sbireman who had determined to get good
look at the queen appeared at the gates by
which the spectators were usually admitted
and thus accosted a man, a footman evidently,
who was at that moment crossing the court
yard:
Look here, John, Robert, whatever they cali
you, COON from the country"
80 hear, said the footInan.
well, I've never seen L queen, and want to
get a good sight Of her. Now, can't you just
let me through item gates, just afore t rest o.
L folks? l want to get good place, We see."
well, SIR said the man, II don't know
whether dare. / might lose my place, you
See"
Nay. nun, thou'll never lose thy place for
Sucl q taing as that. Thou can say to t. queen
that she hasn't gotten more loyaller subject
than John Stokes. not in all Yorkshire. / mob
but want to 90 in just afore t rest on EN-"
We'll, come along, then sad the man. He
opened the gate and the eager Yorkshire man
rushed through. AS he did 50 an idea seemed
to strike bin, and he stopped to tender the foot
man half crown.
No. thank you, sir, said the man; I'VE are
forbidden TO take fees
Take it, num- take it. Nobody'll know"
No, thank You. sir"
Toe YorkshiremaI secured a foremost place,
tnu III que Il.he appeared UIle queen anu prince.
More than that conversing Familiarity with her
maj .sty was the footiaan.
Just look there ~ cried the country visitor to
a bystander. Hes q laughing and talking to
e queen like anything
''Who?''
why, t chap that opened me the GATE
footman-him with the blue coat and red
collar"
When the listeners laughter would allow him
to spe. k, Re explained
Blue coat and red collar! Why, that's the
Windsor uniform and your footman is Lore
Melbourne, the prime minister
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
NEEy TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEEr1Sos-The Equtabls Building and Loon
Association: Georgia Chapter No. 3, r. a. NJ :;
Oglethorpe Light Infantry; Retail GFocers
Union; Mass Meeting Of the Citizens Of Savan'
ma on the Irish Question; Golden Rule Lodge
No. IL l. O. o. T.
SPECIAL NoTIcEs-Gluten Bread, Jacob Kraft;
Three Beautiful Lots, LaRoche & Mclaughlin;
Historic and Picturesque Savannah; AS to crew
Of Russian Bark Preciosa; As TO Bills Against
Spanish Bark Esmerada; Chicken Salad, etc,
for Lunch at the Merchants Exchange.
STEAMSHIP ScHEDULE-General Transatlantic
Company.
MED1cAL-Dr NJ W. Case Carbolate of Tar
Inhalant.
LEGAL NorIcE-Petiton for Incorporation Of
Cooperative Merchandising Association.
CHEAP COLUMN ADVERTISEMENTS - Help
Wante1 Employment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale; Personal; Strayed; Lost; Miscellaneous.
AMUsEMENrs-Grand Cantata or Operetta
''Tyroline Queen" for the Benefit of Lutheran
Sunday School.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
The Child and "a Gone Sucker" "
From The Ne,o York Sun.

ANsoNIA. March "A Connecticut child often
says something that is bright. Here is a case
in point. Little Johnny ran into the house one
day recently and asked his mother with
great eagerness, Ma, what is gone
sucker ?"
why hnny. what do you mean'" said bis
astoaished parent
Tell me, ma, quick, what is a gone sucker?''
persisted the young seeker after light
well, it is a very bad man." was the best
answer his mother could give on the spur of the
moment. Il satisfied the lad, and he ran out
and continued his play. At night he was tired
and cross and when his bedtime came he cut
up" after the manner of youngsters who are
bound to be mischevous. A little mild cOrrec-
ton was administered, he was undresSed, and
told to say his prayers.
II can't" said Johnny.
But you must, said his mother.
Johnny bearing in mind the correction al
ready administered, and knowing that rebellion
would be useless, dropped down on his knees
and said:
"Oh, Lord am gone sucker Amen"
His parents are of the Methodist persuasion,
and Johnnys testimony was short and to the
point, as the old-fashioned Metbodists used to
require in the days long past.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

Senator Blair, Of New Hampshire. re-
Gently became newspaper correspondent,
having been engaged by Col Shepard Of
the New York Mail aud Express to fur
nish Washington political news for that
newspaper. Having the inside track on
such matters as come up in executive ses-
sion, he might have given some very inter
esting reading, but it seems that he didn't.
His idea Of political news was very
peculiar, and he confined himself chiefly to
philauthropic measures before congress
On several occasions, however, he branched
out on other topics but when he did his
statements generally conficted with those
of the other Washington correspondents of
the Mail and Cypress. Mr.. Blair is not a
success as a journalist, and a good many
people think he isn't even a statesman.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
The Direct Tax Veto.
From the Philadelphia Record Dem.)

From the Philadelphia Record (Dem)
Nobody in Washington or elsewhere who
knew anything Of President Cleveland's charac-
ter expected that he would sign the rascally
Shfect tax bill, which proposed to return to
rev states moneys paid for the support OF the
civil war by Individual citizens waOse identity
has be N lost. aud who could not be -eimb grsed
Inc only possible apology for this wasteful
measure lay in the existence OF n large surplus
in the federal Treasury AS a means of lessen
ing this surplus by some $16 900, 900 the measure
might COMMAND consideration but for tie fact
that gislation of this sort, once established
a valid rule Of congressional action, would
speedily leave no surplus 10 be expended
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

republican Of prominence in New York
has told the New York World that since
1872 Vice President Morton has contributed
to republican campaigns, including several
in which be was himself candidate for
office, moro than sl,oOOoOO, and that he
has collected for republican campaigns
since 1879 more than 81 100000. From the
republican point Of view, Mr.. Morton is a
statesman.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

The Washington Critic says that the
President has perpetrated one joke, and
only one, since his arrival in Washington.
A lady, who is an admirer Of Vice President
Morton, said to him, "What large and
handsome Vice President you have" He
answered, Eyes, l have no small vices"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

They say in New Hampshire that ex-
Senator Chandler would fight volcano
If this is true, it is very strange that he did
not up and wine the floor with Senator
Blackburn when the Kentucky senator
tweaked his car Perhaps the kind Of a
volcano Chandler would fight is one IN re-
nose
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

A New York man is reported as saying
that the Washington politicians tell bim
that the Harrison cabinet is 90-day cab
net, made up TO freeze out Blaine. Evil
IDENTIFY somebody is not happy over being
left out.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

The Chicago InterOcedn asserts that
Senator Sherman's denuncietion Of the
Standard oil monopoly is conclusive evil
dence that the Republican party does not
sympathize with trusts. The InteI. Ocean
might as well assert that because the late
Mr. Conkling denounced tie great fraud Of
1876, the Republican party did not steal the
presidency.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

MIR. Thomas A. Ellison has made another
discovery-that of a new explosive. He
didn't intend TO, however, and it is doubt
full If he is glad he did While he was ex-
perimenting, mass went Off like powder
when he added a chemical solution to it.
and he was severely burned in the face, and
came near being blinded
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

1t is expected that Mr.. Robert Garrett
will start for Mexico to-day, accompanied
by Mrs. Garrett, DR.. Jacobs, too attend
ants and several intimate friends 1t would
be quite gratifying if new scenes should
bring about change for the better in his
health,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
A Good President.

From the Ne'o Yor; Ersain0 Post Qnd)
Nr. Cleveland has been one Of the best Presi-
dents we have ever had-a model Of Industry.
an eXenplar Of honesty, a representative of
common sense. an embodiment OF courage; in
short. an excellent tyDe OF those homely virtues
upon which the futnrn of the republlc demands
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06

What has become Of the new party which
was organized in South Carolina several
weeks ago1 Has it the promise of grand
achievements, or has it petered out Some
northern republican organs mention it &C.
casionally, but it will be observed as signifi-
cant that the South Carolina press has
nothing to say about it, In fact, it seems
to be oblivious Of the existence Of new
party.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
Fearless and lncorruptible.

From tie Nashville american (Dent.)
Mr. Cleveland put his foot down on many a
rotten scheme during mis- four years o. official
NE Tne treasury could not be plunderet as
long as he stood guard, and a patriotic people
dismiss him vita the benedictiOn: well done,
thou good and faithful servant"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-06
CURRENT COMMENT.
COULDN'T Stand tho Test.

From the Louisville CouTier-JoiLrndl tDem)
Applying the rule. Handsome is that hand
some does to the Senate, il is about the least
prepossessng bo3y that ever sat in the capitol.