Wichita eagle., 1889-04-26
WHERE THE LAUGH COMES IN,

San, see there IS . new star in Orion,
observed Nj. Snaggs '-Orion!" repestei
Mrs Snaga Il have never seen THAI play
I think."-IidB Bit.
VINO says you can not reason with ,
woman! You can reason with q woman
And generally that Is all the good it vii
do.-Som1riae Joxsnal
WE notice IN q newspaper some verses
headed 1.-THE Seven Ages Of Woman
After woman is thirty she abolishes the
other six.-SomsrvsUs Journal
Two BOYS were in the post-office TO
| gether. One of them, pointing TO q small
sign said: That's what l do when my
mother boxes my ears-letter box"
GRUyTLIsG =" Landlord, your servants
are very much like time and tide" Land
lord (iattered)-"A All, indeed, sirl How
Is that." Gruutling-" They wait on nc
man.n
| A New YORK paper speaks of a lady
pickpocket No lady picks any pocket but
her husbands, and in cases of this sort
usage has rendered such action proper.
| Omaha Herald
FoGG-" So you have twins down at your
house, have you Pati" O'Keny-" Who
told We We had twinsl Indade we have
not. There is,just wan boy an wan CURL. "
! Detroit Free Press.
How are collections, doctor,n he
asked of a young physician. SLOW
"What's the troubled Money tightr'
No; the trouble is nobody owes me any
thing. "-Harper's Bazar.
"THoUGHT Clubs" are popular among
Eastern ladies. They meet and think and
don't say a word for hours, until every
one is wild to know what the others are
think about.-Sap FRANCISCO Alta
A MAGAZINE asks: What is true joy?''
True joy is what woman feels when q
committee at a country fair declares that
her crazy-quilt is prettier than all the as
sembled crazy quilts of her neighbors.
pa" said Johnny, looking up from his
book, ''what does it mean to pile Ossa on
Pel9nF' "There, don't bother me now.n
replied pa; Task your ma; she understands
all about millinery. "-BoSton Transcript.
A sEAsoNABLE hint column says that
warm soapsuds is one Of the best insect
washes. 1t is well to know this. Insects
lose half their unpleasantness when they
are kept nice and clean. Save your suds.-
Life.
''PA, have you got the hydrophobiaa"
"No, Berthe; what makes you ask that
question:" "Well. heard ma say to-day
that you got awfulIy bitten when you
thought she had fortune in her own
name. "-Harper'S Bazaar.
WHAT is called ''seat' in the New York
Stock Exchange was sold recently for
1900, but the man who bought it will
have to stand up all day and shout at the
top Of his voice in order to make profit or
his nvestment.--Bdltimore american
$50 OLD Bullion has absconded, hear"
observed Mrs. Snaggs. Eyes, replied Mr..
Snaggs, "and he left q large deficit be-
hind" did hei Why, heard he'd taken
along every thing he could lay his hands
on. Perhaps the deficit was too heavy TO
carry of. It'd Bits
AN aggrieved individual thrust his head
into the editorial sanctum and began his
TRADE of abuse: s. Base mlnion!'' '.No,"
said the editor, without looking up, and
thinking that he recognized the voice of the
foreman of the composing room, "leaded
nonpareil, please. "-BoStoa Post
EXACT TEsTIMoSY.-Lawyer- Now, I'm
Gle Zeke, you heard those two EXPLOSIONS
Was one right after the otherl" Uncle
Zeke-" Yes, sah." Lawyer" Now, you
will swear that one didn't occur before the
other2" Uncle Zeke-" Yes, sab, deed [
will. / was dar an heard 'em. Did Bits
"IF you continue thisnvagabond Mfe,"
sternly remarked an old farmer to a tramp
''you viii find yourself in the tolls. -
Don't use that dreadful word" said the
tramp, with shudder of disgust. what
word1n - Tolls. l am a man that never
tolls and never means to."-Chicago Trib-
ure.
THE study of handwriting as an indica-
tien of character is very interesting. The
'Penciler' has written twice to Jay Gould
TO say that he would take pleasure in exam
ing scientifically Mr. Gould's signature at
the end Of a one-thousand-dollar check, but
he has received no reply. Can Mr.. Gould
be away i-SonseroiIe Journal
THE editor of the Washington Critic, who
has evidently visited fair before, said:
1--WE expect TO pay twenty-five cents apiece
for each consecutive fve-cent cigar this
very evening. Five cents for the cigar, five
FOR the beautiful hand we take it from, FIVE
for the lovely eyes that look at it go, five
for the cherry lips that tell the price and
five for charity; isn't that cheap enought.
LITTLE JOHNNY, to guest at dinner-.'Mr.
Hosl1ins, I'm glad you've stsid with Us To-
day" Mr.. Hosldns-''Thank you, Johnny.
Why are you gladaD Johnny-'1 heard
mamma tell the cook two hours ago that
there wasn't any signs Of your going, and
she might as well open jar Of preserves
If you hadn't staid we wouldn't have had
any preserves, l exPect-why, mamma.
what are you punching me that way for
with your kneef'-ChieGgo Tribune.
ONE Of the most admired performers in
sensational drama recently produced In
Cincinnati was a big bulldog, that at a criti-
cal point in the play came bounding out,
and, Selling the villain by the throat, or
Whereabouts, hung on like grim death, amid
uproarious applause. The other night h.
grabbed his man as usual, but something
gave way, and the dog fell near the foot
lights, and then he stood there and calmly
ate big piece of liver, which had been
fastened under the villains throat and had
heretofore been the incentive for the dogs
northumberland TINES.
THEY were sitting as close together as
the sofa would permit. She looked with
inefable tenderness into his noble blue
eyes George" she murmBred, with
tremor in her voice, didn't you tell nc
once that you would be willing 20 do any
great act of heroism for my sakei" Yes,
Fanny, and gladly rei.erate that senti~
nent now" he replied, in confident tones;
sno noble Roman Of old was fired with
lofner ambition, drawer resolution than
L" We'll, George, / want you TO do some
thing real heroic for mel "Speak, darl-
ing. what is Ct" ASK ne 10 be your wife.
We've been fooiiug long enough "-CAioa7o