The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-06-20
THE LlMEkiLN CLUB.

THE LiMEkiLN CLUB.
Tho Right Honorable Blackberry Davis
Delivers Lecture.
II ar pleased to announce de fack
dat de Right Hon. Blackberry Davis,
of Charlotte. Moth Caroliny, ar wild
us tonight said Brother Gardner as
the meeting opened in due and ancient
form. DE Hon. Davis ar known to
moas' of you as de inventor of root
beer, an de man who fust found out
dat dog sleepin' under the bed made
it unhealthy fur de pussons above. He
ar on his way to de Norf Pole, an has
stopped off yere fur a day or so to visit
dis club an deliber his address. De
address which he will favor US wild to-
night ar named DE Laws of HEALTH
an l trust dat he will receive your on
divided attenshun while he speaks. He
will now be brung in an introduced"
And he attracted much attention as
he passed up the aisle to the platform.
He seemed to have been intended for q
man seven feet high, but had somehow.
got sawed off at about Eve. His left
shoulder was Topped pretty badly, his
head had failed to grow q crop of hair,
and his right leg fingered behind as his
left went forward. Waydown Bebee
couldn't see any thing literary about
the man. He looked more like some
unsuccessful candidate for the Presi-
dency.
The honorable didn't waste much:
time in getting down to business. He
Investigated the contents of the pitcher
OF buttermillk placed before him with
sigh of satisfaction, wiped off his
mouth from north to south and back
again, and in a voice resonant of cow
bells and liberty he said:
'My frens, what is health? Idoan'
'spose one single pusson in dis hall has
cher giben de least thought to dat
queshun. Dar' ar two sorts OF health
good an bad. [Agitation] Some
OF us hev one sort an some de odder.
AS a rule, man ar bon in good health.
Natur' starts him out all right, an if
any thing happens to gin him de bill
yous colick it's his own fault. [Sup-
pressed groans.] Oar ar sartin laws
to govern society. SIGH as not stealth
anybody's chickens - keepin' away
from odder peoples wood piles-gwine
right by a smoked ham which de
butches has keerlessly left hangin' out
doahs ober night. [Sensation on the
back seats.] If you obey dose laws
you needn't be skeert an jump under
de bed when a policeman knocks on de
doah. If you doan' obey 'em you
must suffer the quenseconses.
my frens," continued the orator,
after looking into the pitcher again,
''dar' am sartin laws regardin' health.
Dey is Natur's laws. She holds us jist
as accountable as de police Fur in
stance, if Pickles Smith invites Samuel
Shinober to his house to dinner what
does Samuel do? He doan' eat muffin
fur two days befo' hand, and when he
sots down to dat table, groanin' wild all
de luxuries which wealth kin purchase.
he celebrates on filing right up to the
brim. He eats till dey hev to draw him
away from de table. He has trans.
crossed a law of natur'. Natur' says
we mus not obercrowd our stomachs.
[Agitation.] Along about midnight
Samuel is tooken wild awful pains, an
three doctors hev hard work to save
his life. Faint cheers
''Natur' says we need bout eight
hours sleep. Giveadam Jones goes
ober to see Elder Toots, an dey sot an
play checkers till two o'clock in de
mawnin'. Mex day boat am limpin
around an growlin' bout de weather
an cussin' de rich. [Agitation.] Dey
transgressed law of natur' an ar
payin' de penalty; but in DER ignerence
dey lay it to any thin else. Shindie
Watkins hires out fur private watch.
man at a saw-mill. Seven O clock come.
an he lays hisself away on pile o
lumber an sleeps till half-past six Il,
mex mornin'. Den he gifts up an
growls about dis bein' a billyus kentry
an labor bein' crushed by capital, an
goes home to tell de ole woman da
liberty am sham an a delusion. H,
transgressed a law of natur'-slept to.
long. Clasps of establishment.
MY dear frens," continued the ora
tor as he gulped down the last of tn,
buttermilk, ''dar am sartin pusson
who regard de human stomach as
sort O carpet-bag furnished free gratis
by natur'. In de co.'s of a day dey viii
throw in whisky, beer, ginger ale
soda water, coffee, ice-water, meat
Eaters, sugar. vinegar, apples. berries
vegetables, an whateber else come!
handy. De stomach kicks, or orter, an
de owner is greatly surprised about it.
[Cheers.] 1t is only in de las five
Vars dat de Guild people of dis kentr,
hev come to realize dat dey had nose:
an lungs. [Sensation. Colone
Hucklcberry jackson used to wonde,
why de smell of burnin' feather.
choked him up, but he sot it down as &
monopoly of some sort. He let his three
dogs sleep under his bed an ven
around guessin' data rat had died un
der de house. Laughter.
"Dar am sartin laws of health which
ar arbitrary an ar broken at your
peril.
'Doan' 60 to sleep wild your feet
stickin' up to a night breeze to cool off.
''Doan' sprinkle de sheets wild ice
water to cool off the bed.
''Doan' git yer hair clipped off when
de wind is in de MORT.
''Doan' let your feet go from October
to June an den draw a hull tub of cold
water an try to git frew wild de job in
one evenin'.
'1f you hev bin chased by de police
until you perspire doan' sit down on q
bar'l in de alley an let de breeze blow
ober you to cool you of.
! ''You must remember dat de air is