The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-01-24
WISE AND OTHERWISE.
Pears Soap secures fine complexion.

Il NNA . ScNP oNShANS a AhN Noiii PiO-NiNhs
Beecham's Pills act like magic on a
weak stomach.
A great deal of this talk about politics
in the G, A, r. is G A b.
Why not call them hay windows ?
Hay is grass with the greenness squeezed
out.
They have potato socials" in Kansas.
The name may be from the fact that the
young folks go there to pair.
81 threw myself at her feet" moaned
disconsolate youth. did you hit
them ?" inquired cold-hearted, unsym-
pathetic listener.
81 WISH" said the Rev. Mr.. G.'s lit
tie four-year-old, 9Th t when I'm naugh-
ty you wouldn't always talk to me in
your Heavenly Father voice"
The papers are always sneering at
PATHS farewell" tours. But at the
rate of $4,000 night, if they are not fare
well tours, what on earth are they ?
At the Restaurant. Waiter, | S
some at one dollar. What is the differ
ence between them P' Waiter-"Fifty
cents"
Little Dot-"Our minister prays ever
so much louder than yours does Little
Bub-'I don't care if he does. Our min.
lister jumps the highest when he preach
es, so there now"
Hello, Muggins you've
been away, hear P" Muggins-"Ycs :;
| went down east to bury my mother
in-law." "Blifkins (absent mindedlv)
Did you have successful trip P"
'1f humor, wit, and honesty could
save" from the ills flesh is heir to, what
a good price they'd bring in the market.
Well, twenty-five cents will buy good
panacea-SalYation Oil, certain cure.
Willie-"Ma, can anything be foreign
and domestic, too ?" Mother-"No,
William" Willie-"Yes, it can" Moth
er-"1o GU are wrong my SON. Willie
81 amt. What's the matter with Bird
get.n
Mr.. Brown thinks his wife is the most
ingenious woman in the world. He
has been married ten years, and she has
succeeded in putting his cuff buttons in
new place every morning during that
time.
Leading physicians recommend Ayers
Sarsaparilla. Old and young take it
with perfect safety. 1t cleanses the
blood. strengthens the nerves, and vital
ICES the system. Popular experience
has long placed this medicine at the head
of tonic alternatives.
In music store: Claribcl-'I'd like
copy of The Stolen Rope" Clerk
81 don't know of any such song" Clar
ibel--"Why, it gOes-tum, tum, tumty
tum." (Hums the air. Clerk--"Ah
you mean The Lost Chord" Claribel
-"Oh, yes that's it,"
Trackman Ito tramp)-"Sure, yez had
better get off the track, the fa5ht mail is |
due Tramp-"Say, boss, yer don't
tink I'd let it run over me do ye P" BE
gorrah, it isn't that fear, but the engi-
neer will tex that nose of yez for red
light and shtop the train
Jagley-"Hello, Braggs, what makes
you so glum this morning ?" Braggs-
You know the forty dollars won P"
Yes" Braggs-"Well, / took it home
and hid it in an old stove" Jagley-
And the hired girl burned it up P"
Braggs-"No nay wife fonnd it,"
DON'T DESPAIR.
If you are weak and weary from some
so.called chronic disease, don't give up.
Sulphur Bitters has given hope to many
where hitherto there was moth
ing but despair. 1t will build up and
renew your whole system. Editor
Weekly American Ito
An observant boy Hold on, sis"
exclaimed one Of the Rambo boys, as he
paused at the door. Don't 90 into the
house. The minister is making call"
How do you know ?" inquired his
little sister.
Can't you hear ma talking She's
got her Sunday voice on
ShiIoh's Catarrh Remedy.
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy. marvellous
cure for Cararrh. diphtheria. canker
mouth. and headache. With each bot
lie there is an ingenious nasal mi 'ctor
'or the more successful Ireatmpnt of
hese complaints without extra charge.
Price so cents. Sold by J, T. Shurtleff
Bennington.
Little JohnnyQookrng curiously at the
lisitor) -'Where did the chicken bite
you, Mr.. Billus ? don't see any of the
marks" Visitor-"Why, Johnny, /
haven't been bitten by any chicken"
Johnny-"Mamma, didn't you tell papa {
llr. Billus was dreadfully hen pecked
Why, Mamma. how funny you look. {
Your face is all red"
Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint.
Is it not worth the small price of rs :
,ents to free yourself of every sym ptOm ,
If these distressing complaints. if you {
hink so call at our store and get bot {
lie of Shi'oh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
las printed guarantee on it, use &C
,ordingly, and if it does you no good II ,
will cost you nothing. Sold by John T.
'hurtleff, druggist. I
For three weeks | was suffering from ..
| severe cold in my head, accompanied
~ pain in the temples. tried some
If the many catarrh remedies without
my relief. Ely's Cream Balm was rec
to me. After only six APP
,lications of the Balm every trace of my
old was removed.-Ilenry G.. Clark.
st Division New York Appraisers
Office.
i was troubled with catarrh in my
read to an annoying extent for three
ears. After using one bottle of Ely's
Jream Balm was en- irely cured.-Wm.
J. Cline, Victor, N. Y,
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