The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1889-08-07
MORE OR LESS AMUSING.

APPROPRIATE for tire-woman-a IA
tigue dress.
A YoBBY suit-prosecuting a boy for
pulling off a door knob.
The Holy See certainly, it is the
wicked who are blind. See?
How TO be happy though married
Never contradict your wife.
NATIONS move by cycles, says Emer-
son. Boys move BICYCLES. too.
The crying need of this country is a
back gate that nobody can hang a joke
on.
ONE thing that seldom "gets in the
soup" is the oyster at the church fes-
tival
JONES, who is engaged to an heiress,
calls her Economy, because she is the
road TO wealth.
MANY grave charges are made against
citizens by the secretary of ceme-
terry association.
WE have often wondered how houses,
which always stand, can show their
seating capacity.
WIFE-Did your friend Jack con-
graduate you on the birth of our child
Husband-No. He sympathized with
me though.
WHAT'S in name? One of the "old
settlers" of Chicago has disappeared
from the city leaving $24, 900 worth of
unsettled debts.
A DEBATING society is discussing the
question: Does circus vaulter fall or
tumble in love?" An impression pre-
walls that he does.
The plug tobacco manufacturers
trust, ii is stated. will not icrease pri-
ces. 1t will not increase its quid pro
quo by decreasing the size of plugs
OF the two evils chews the lesser.
LITTLE BOY going to church)-Ma.
may have a new sixpence to put in
the plate? Ma-Why a new one,
George? Little boy-Because the
clergyman says, Let your light shine
before men,"
NOTHING seems TO be too mean for
some men. There is an old fellow in
Maine who is imposing on his hens most
shamefully. He has put an electric
light In the hen house and the hens lay
day and night.
Book AGENT should like to show
YOU our new cheap edition of the En-
cyclopedia Britannica. Vermont farmer
Mister, you needn't show me any
encyclopedias My boy graduates from
college this week.
BYsTANDER Cat fire)-Who is that
grinning lunatic dancing a jig in front
of that burning house? Policeman
He is the man who owns the furniture,
and it is insured for half its value. He
expected to have 10 move tomorrow.
AT THE PICNIC.
His pants were light, the pie was soft.
They met beneath the trees;
He thought to rest his weary frame,
So Strengthened ont at ease.
Not one OF all that picnic crowd
Who saw him rise again
But thought n murder had been done
On the spot where he had lain.
LITTLE Tommv-Can / eat another
piece of pie? Mamma (who is some
thing OF a purist)-I suppose you can
Tommy (seeing the point - Well
may |? Momma-No, dear, you may
not. Tommy-Darn grammar, any
way.
A GARRULoUs fop, who had annoyed
by his frivolous remarks his partner In
the ballroom, among o her empty
things, asked whether "she had ever
had her ears pierced? ?" "No," was the
reply, but l have often had them
bored"
ETHEL-Oh, Emily, l had such a
dreadful accident the other day L
broke two of my front teeth Emily
How painful How did it happen?
Ethel (thoughtlessly)-They fell off
the sideboard and l accidentally trod
on them.
PLEASE, ma'am, Will You give me-
an old suit of your hus bands clothes
am one of the Johnstown flood suffer
ers. Poor mani Of course / will
Come right in. So you were in that,
dreadful food, were you 2" mo ma'am,
but my wife sent ali my clothes to the
people who were"
Mr.. WooDwARE-Thatv Young fellow
you have In your Office Is the most con.
ceited puppy / ever ran across. Mr.
Queensware Yes, / know: bat YOU
must remember he is Young vet. and
his character is not fully formed. He
has never been tried by fire. Mr.
Woodware-Then you'd better fire him
The wife of a really well-to-do Hin
doc is prohibited by custom from con-
versation with her husband except in
her own chamber 1t is a ridiculous
custom. About the only place a man
doesn't want his wife TO converse with
him is In her own chamber--ployided
heis addic ed to coming home at a. IN.
exhausted wi Ii business cares and SO
forth, especially the latter.
IN CENTRAL AFRICA.