davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

GLOW do you know that oxen hev
horns? Is one as good as t'other ?"
"'Pears So"
stranger, advise her. Bets good
girl and will make some man good
wife, but thar's too much fussing. l
can't put up with it no mo-. Bet will
we abide ?"
"Mebbe."
"You'll hev to. He knows. He
cum all the way from the north, and
of course he knows. What's he'un
here for if he don't know 2"
"Well, III abide"
was trying to avoid the issue when
rap came at the door and in walked
man of about 80. He was fair
looking man and lived about ten miles
away. Bailey came in just then and
was called out doors by the new arriv-
al for consultation, lasting about ten
minutes. Then the mother was call
ed out, and upon her return she took
Betty into another room. Then the
men came in, and pretty soon Bailey,
his wife and myself had the kitchen,
while Betty and the stranger had the
parlor.
"He's a widower from the next
cove," explained Mrs. Bailey. "He
wants to be hitched again. Wants
our Bet. What dye think, stranger"
"That would settle the fussing."
Deed it would. It's got so pap
and me can't stand it. His name is
Bill Stovin, and he's worth a heap.
What dye think, stranger p
81 like the idea. If Betty marries
one of the young men some one will
get shot. Better give them both the
slip"
"That's it. Too much fussing. We
can't stand it no more"
Next morning .at breakfast the
mother inquired of Betty, as she
poured the coffee
"Will we abide or no? The strang-
er knows what Bill was yere for"
Reckon it's too late," was the
blushing reply.
"How ?"
"I've abided to Bill"
"Is the day set ?"
"Yes."
"Thank the Lord The fussing is
all over. Jist what the stranger was
going to say. He knows. He would
not be way down yere if he didn't.
Pap, you AK an extra blessing this
meal, and stranger, don't fear that
bacon. It's my own cure. M. Quad
in Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24
Why, cut off. "

Mr.. Bush, the artist, is responsible
for this incident, of which he was an
eye witness. At the State fair at Sac
ramento, Cal, special assortment Of
fruit was marked off with label
which announced the conditions OF
growth to the crowd. One queer cou-
pie who were wandering about hand
in hand, attracted much attention
from the fact that the label had been
wickedly transferred from the fruit to
the lank back of the verdant youth,
where it read in large letters:
Grown without irrigation. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24
ComsumptjOn surely Cured.

10 THE EDIToR-Please inform your
readers that have positive remedy for
the above named disease. BY its timely
use thousands of hopeless cases have been
permanently cured. | shall be glad to send
two bottles Of my remedy free to any of
your readers who have consumption II
they will send me their express and post
office address. Respectfully, 7. A. SLO-
CUM, NJ. c., 1S1 Pearl ST., New York.
S90y1
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

Solon was the name of certain old
colored man, who was so named, per-
haps, for his want of wisdom. His
observations were scarcely as weight
ed with knowledge as the words of his
namesake, the wise man Of Greece
One day Solon heard one Of the men
on the plantation say:
There's man down on the Rog-
ers plantation who has just had his
thigh amputated."
Whats dat-amfercated 7" asked
Solon.
"Why, cut off"
"Am dat so OATS a pity, sho'
But dey's one cons'lation fer de poor
man eff he only had de fgh amfer-
Gated he don got de knee and de foot
left fer to walk wild. FIX.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

Bride-George, dear, when we
reach town let us try to avoid leaving
the impression that we are newly
married.
He-All right, Maud you can lug
this valisc. -Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

The good man (sadly)-Ah, my son,
you have been to the circus; it pains
me greatly to think that one so young
have crossed the threshold of iniquity.
The bad small boy-I didn't cross
no threshold ; / crawled in under the
tent.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

A young man who gets the oppor-
tunity to see his best girl only Oh the
evening Of the first day of the week
is strongly opposed to the prohibition
of the Sunday press-Norristown
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

In the conservatory. Miss Dasha-
way-What flower do you think is
most appropriate for me, Mr.. Cashless9
Mr. Cashless (who is jealous of a
rich rivaD-The marigold, should
say.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

Sure death. First dude-I have
tewible news. Chawles is dead.
Second dude-Howible How did
he die?
First dude-His cane fell OH him.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

Smart attorney-You say the even
ing wore on. What did it wear on
that particular occasion =?
Witness-The close of day, l pre-
sume.-Omaha World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

A good girl to possess-Sal Walton.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

Jeweler-I can set anything that
was ever intended to be set, and |
guarantee all my work.
Poultryman-Nol I'll give yer 50
to come over and set my old speckled
hen so that she'll stick.-Jeweler's
Weekly
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
A good girl to possess-Sal Walton.
-Ex.
The air of the desert-the camels
are coming.-Ex.
The scissors grinder is the only man
who invariably finds things dull
Bx.
The Goddess of Liberty is not a
broker, but she is frequently seen "on
change"
Marriage may not be a failure, but
there are lots of Mrs. made in matri-
mony.-Ex.
Mufled voices must be very uncom-
Portable in hot weather.-Rochester
Post-Express.
When you see a dude hurrying
along the street with cane in his
mouth you have no reason to suppose
that it is a hurricane.-Ex.
Author-You return everything |
offer. What can l send you that will
be acceptable.
Editor-A years subscription
Epoch.
Teacher-You may tell me, Mich
ael, what made Joseph good ruler.
Michael with burst of enthusi-
asm)-Because he was so straight,
mum.-Ex.
She corrected him. Mr.. South (of
Boston)-The dickey birds tell me
Mrs. South Gnterrupting him Sc
verely)--The Richard birds, Mr.
South. h.-Ex.
Now that the fight is over and set
tied, why not put Sulivan's portrait
on our new postage stamp. 1t is about
the only way that anyone can lick the
fistic champion.-Ex.
Smart attorney-You say the even
ing wore on. What did it wear on
that particular occasion
Witness-The close of day, / pre-
sume.-Omaha World.
"I'm like a tree" he observed as
the clock struck II. 81 am rooted to
your side"
"Yes, but you never leave, do you ?"
And then he put forth. ."-Ex.
Clara-What terrible noise that
wagon makes.
George-Yes, it's dreadful, isn't it ?
What makes it groan so, George!
Why, it's filled with green apples.
FIX.
Sure death. First dude-I have
tewible news. Chawles is dead.
Second dude-Howible How did
he die?
First dude-His cane fell OH him.
-Ex.
In the conservatory. Miss Dasha-
way-What flower do you think is
most appropriate for me, Mr.. Cashless9
Mr.. Cashless (who is Jealous of a
rich rival-The marigold, | should
say.-Ex.
A young man who gets the oppor-
tunity to see his best girl only Oh the
evening Of the first day of the week
is strongly opposed to the prohibition
of the Sunday press-Norristown
Herald.
They are engaged. She-George,
did you hear Willie's fire cracker just
now?
He-Yes, Miss Mantalini, | did.
Didn't it pop gracefully. cit was
enough. )-Ex.
Bride-George, dear, when we
reach town let us try to avoid leaving
the impression that we are newly
married.
He-All right, Maud ; you eau lug
this valisc. -Ex.
The good man (sadly)-Ah, my son,
you have been to the circus; it pains
me greatly to think that one so young
have crossed the threshold of iniquity.
The bad small boy-I didn't cross
no threshold / crawled in under the
tent.
Jeweler-I can set anything that
was ever intended to be set, and /
guarantee all my work.
Poultryman-Nol I'll give yer 50
to come over and set my old speckled
hen so that she'll stick.-Jeweler's
Weekly.
A delicate hint. Edith-Let's see
how many sisters have you got, Fred?
Fred-Three
Well, from the way you have been
talking tonight, ! thought had bet
ter warn you that four is All unlucky
number.-Ex.
YES" said Smith to Jones, III am
a hard worker and I've always got
deal on NV hands I"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24
"The Niagara Falls Route"
Time Card in Eject
Detroit, Bay City & Alpena R'R

Mail and Accom- Mail ana accom-
Express modation ENDfess. mouaploh'
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-07-24

Now that the fight is over and set
tied, why not put >Sullivan's portrait
on our new postage stamp. 1t lis about
the only way that anyone can lick the
fistic champion.-Ex.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
WARM SPRINGS
FOR -
Good Medicinal Bath,
This is the Place.
sN Street Cars Run Every Half Hour.
Mrs. R. TOWNSEND, Proprs.
GUN WA.

A Chinese graduate of medicine, has made diseases
ofmen specially. During his residence in America
he has restored hundreds Onto a perfect condition
of health who otherwise SEIwould be doomed to
insanitY or q horrible GsLdeath. and NEYER
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
he Was Getting 1t.

At one of the towns below Rochester wo-
man and her nurse and child got aboard, and
it wasn't long before the child, who was boy
Of 8, began to act up. The mother paid no
attention to him whatever, not even when he
began to kick and bite, strike and squalL
All the passengers soon agreed that the young
autocrat was in sore need of a spanking, but
the mother had her nose in a novel and the
nurse didn't want to take the responsibility.
By and by an old man, who had been suffer-
ing with headache, could stand it no longer,
and he leaned up and whispered to the nurse:
why don't you give that young'un good
poundingF"
'Kspe shtill, yer honor" she replied with
a wink I've got four pins sticking into his
body already, and in minute or two I'll
have thray or four more. Detroit Free
PraSS
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
Give the Ely a Chance.

"Good many flies in here" he said to a
shoemaker on Champlain street, as he sat
down to have lift put on the heel of his
shoe.
''Yes"
''Never tried to drive 'em out, did youq"
mo"
Don't want to keep 'em on the outside, /
supposeT'
''No.n
Wouldn't put up a screen door, then, if
any one should give you one2"
''No."
'You must be the house fy's friendln
''My frendt, vhas sooch a man dot like
eaferypody to get along all right. If you
pitch on some flies he vhas mad; if you gif
him chance MAYBE he goes Ply himself und
does yhel und vhas your frendt. detroit
Erea Press
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
Tho Bad Boston Uncle.

Among the children of certain Sunday
school is bright little boy of four years. He
has an uncle who takes great pleasure in
teaching him nonsensical verses. A few
Sundays since his teacher was telling the
class about the busy bees, and asked if any
of the children could tell her anything about
them.
waldo can" spoke up the little fellow.
"Well, Waldo, you may stand in front and
tell US what you know"
And Waldo, rising proudly, steamed away
with these lines:
"How doth the little busy bee
Delight to bark and bite,
To gather honey all the day
And eat it up at nightr
Trying to suppress smile the teacher
asked:
''Did your mother teach you that?"
"No, my Uncle Arthur didl' Boston
Transcript
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
A Matter of rasts

Norah-An' has your mistress good tastei
Bridget-Good taste, is 1T Faith, her
dresses look better on me than do me own
Yonkers Statesman.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10

case he under
middle aged men
prematurely old,
suffering the pun
,ture visits on
'her laws, or those
should write and
mail a large his.
life, his method OF
Treatment, q trea-
diseases, and tes-
.derful cures. His
cheap, quick to
har lie SIS and
dress, enclosing &c
. CT nanuar Colo
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
AHIUIICdH HUust' hUBdIIoUuI5' n.
An Unbeatable Skin Disease Cured.
Cuticura Remedies

Cure every species of agonizing, humiliating,
itching, burning, scaly, and pimply diseases of
the skin scalp, and blood, with loss of hair, and
allo humors, blotches, eruptions, sores, scales
and crusts, whether simple, scrofulous, or con
tagious, when physicians and all other remedies
fail.
Sold everywhere. Price, CUTICURA, Soc;
POTTER DRUG AND CHEMICAL CORPORATION,
Boston.
~ Send for "How to Cure Skin Diseases, - 64
pages 50 Illustrations. and 100 testimonials.
pApV'S Skin and Scalp preserved and
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10

1AA1a- ny
FAILS with any
takes. Young or
who have become
and all who are
ishment that ma
those who violate
about to marry
receive by return
tory of Gun Was
ChfneseVegetab
tise on nervous
timonial of Won
m g dicine s are
act, perfe city
never fail. Cures
in stamps. GUN :
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
! THE Darby oucKgp IN TINE.
1t Was a Trick He Learned During the
War, and It Served Him Well.

war, and 1t Served him Wen.
From where we sat on the tavern veranda
we could look right across the Mississippi
river, although at the edge of the river on
our side there was bluff 40 feet high, with
strong current below. All along this bluff
were commons, and we had an unobstructed
view. We were talking and smoking when
a goat came around the corner of an old
abandoned warehouse and began to feed
toward US Five minutes later an old white
headed darby, using a cane to help him
along, came out from behind the same ware
house and stood almost on the edge of the
bluff, and appeared to gaze across the river.
''What fat take that goat has got, if he
only knew itI' whispered one of the party.
what fool of Niger to take such a
riskI" growled a second
We ought to have warned the old man,
who seemed totally unsuspicious Of danger,
but we didn't. Human nature is just that
way. He had been there two or three min
utes when the goat observed him and began
to twitch his tail It was none Of his bust
ness that the man was there, and no law COM
PEELED him to kick up a fuss, but we all saw
that he meant to do it. As he gathered for
run every man rose up to warn the victim,
but no warning was uttered. 1t was human
nature to want to see the fun. The goat shot
away like fash, and as be drew near he
made long jump to give full force to the in
tended blow. Next instant both had disap-
peared, and we ran down expecting to see
them struggling in the muddy waters. As
we reached the bluffs the old man rose up
from pit dug within two feet Of the edge,
and grinned and lifted his hat and said:
''Mawnin', gem'len. 'Spected to find me
down dar', reckon"
He pointed to the goat, which was swim
mind wildly about as the current carried it
down, and one of the party replied:
Eyes, we certainly thought you were a
goner. You dropped in there, cha Youmus
have been pretty quick about it.n
'Wal, sorter, but dat was no trick at all
Doorin' de wah, when de Yankee gunboats
lay ober dar' an frowed shot at de guns up
heah, war one of de Guild gem'len who
handled de shovel an de sand bags OATS
whar l l'arned to duck Dem Yankees didn't
know me, an dey kept tryin' to kill me, an
had to duck an dodge so often dat arter de
wah closed nebber got Strengthened up agin
lie bin layin' fur dat goat more'n two weeks,
an now he's dun gone an won't bodder no.
body no mo-. l used to cuss dat wah when it
was goin', but now l see what blessin' it
was. Whar' would de ole man be now if de
Yankees had not frowed ten tons of cannon
balls at him an rarned him to duckT'-New
York Sun.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10

Children Cry for Pitchers CastOria.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
OREGON SHORT LINE & UTAH NORTHERN
RAILWAY COMPANY.

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN TO THE
~ holders of capital stock in the Oregon Short
Line Railway Company, the Utah & Northern
Railway Company and the Utah Central Rail
way Company, that the stock in the Oregon
Short Line & Utah Northern Railway Company
will be ready for delivery in exchange for the
stock of the above named companies on and
after Wednesday, August {, at the office of the
company, 46, Equitable Building, Boston The
stock OF the Oregon Short Line Railway Com
pany registered in New York will be exchanged
Tor the new stock at the office of the Union Trust
oompany 20 Broadway New York, on and atIer
th i date. ;
stockholders ere requested o p-eseIt heir
certificates for exchange without delay
ALEX 11ILLAR, Secretary.
BOSTON. August 3, 1882
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
Her Preference.


We sat upon the topmost step,
And talked Of this and that;
She asked me IL I'd been away,
And how liked her hat
We chatted about various things,
OF novels and the weather;
For hours, on almost every theme,
We there couversed together.
asked what paper she preferred;
She hesitated some,
While through the dark around we heard
The gay mosquitoes hum.
She moved little closer then,
And answered: Cant you guess!
Why, the one Of ali that suits me most
Is The Daily Evening Press"
Chicago News.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
A Last Request.
CONFIRMED.

The favorable impression produced on
the first appearance of the agreeable liquid
fruit remedy Syrup of Figs few years
ago has been more than confirmed by the
pleasant experience of all who have used
it, and the success of the proprietOrs and
manufacturers of the California Fig Syrup
company
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
GOOD MORNING.!
Have You any Real Estate for Sale?
Or Do You Wish to Buy ?

If either, call and see me at 100 West Temple
street, opposite Continental hotel.
WILLIAM LAPHAM.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
BEST In THE WORLD.
Further Creatures Of Skin Dis
eases by the Cutieura
Remedies.

Boy one year and half old. Face and body
in a terrible condition, being covered with
sores. Sulphur springs fail. Cured by the
Cuticura Remedies.
have used your CUTICURA REMEDIES in two
| cases where it proved to be successful The first
was in the case of boy year and half old.
His face and body were in terrible condition,
the former being completely covered with sores.
he did not improve any. was then advised TO
try the CUTICURA REMEDIES which L did. He
took one and one half bottles of CUTICURA RE
SOLVENT, when his skin was as smooth as could
be- and is to-day. ] used the CUTICURA on his
sores and the CUTICURA SOAP in washing him.
He is now five years of age, and all right. The
other case was a disease of the scalp, which was
cured by washing with the CUTICURA SOAP and
rubbing in the CUT1CURA, one bottle of CUTI-
CURA REsOLvENT being used. They have
proved successful in every case where have ad-
vised the use of them. 1t is surprising how
rapidly child viii improve under their treat
ment. l recommend them for any disease of
the skin as being the best in the world. This is
my experience, and I am ready to stand by my
statement. JOHN r. BERO,
American House. Hogansburg, n. Y.
An Unbearable Skin Disease Cured.
l have been afflicted since last March with a
skin disease the doctors called Eczema My
face was covered with scabs and Sores and the
itching and burning were almost unbearable.
Seeing your CUTICURA REMEDIES so highly
recommended, concluded to give them trial.
using the CUuCURA and CUTICURA SOAP eX-
ternally, and RESoLvENT internally for four
months. 1 call myself cured, in gratitude for
which make this public statement.
Mrs. CLARA A. FREDERICK,
RrOad Brook Conn
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10

Children's Clothing, all ages; we have
made cut in prices--overstock-n nice
goods, no shoddy. GOLDSMITH & Co,
Uptown Clothiers.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10
T EVILS 90 per ct. LYE
Ii Powdered and Pc.
(PATENTED)


(PATENTED)
The strongest and p1reSt
Lye made. VIII make 19
lbs. of the best Perfumed
Hard Soap in 20 minutes
aCithout boiling. 1t is the
best for disinfecting sinks,
closets, drains, etc. Photo
graphers' and machinists
uses. Foundrymen, bolt
and nut makers. For engi-
neers as a boiler cleaner
and anti-incrustator. For
brewers and bottlers, tor
washing barrels. bottles,
etc. Forpainters to remove
old paints. For washing
trees. ETC., etc.
PENNA. SALT MFG co.
Gen. Agts. Phila., Pa.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-08-10

Milk SHAKES at Ross Pharmacy, made
from syrup especially prepared.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-07-16
STREET IMPROVEMENTS.
Work on the Schedule for Which Con-
tracts VIII Not BE Made 1t Present

The Commissioners to-day. acting upon the
recommendation of Capt symons, issued the
following order respecting the awards Of con-
tracts for street improvements:
THAT in making the awards for street i'm
provements in the different sectional schedules
that a. near - practicable Is per cent Of the
gross amount will be held mp for the present in
order to be certain that the work contracted
for shall not overrun the amount for which
there il money TO pay.
General schedule-In the general schedule,
as previously adopted, the items included in the
following list will not be at present contracted
for: New York avenue from New Jersey avenue
to LIST street west; New Hampshire avenue from
T to V streets
"The streets in the various sections held up
for the present are:
"Georgetown-Prospect from High to SD
street, estimsted for paving; and saith from
"Northwest-R from 18th TO New Hampshire
avenue, estimated for paving; R from 4th to
1th, estimated for paving; 18th from V TO
Boundary, estimated for paving; 25th from
pennsylvania avenue to X, estimated for paw
ing; 9Th from New Jersey avenue TO N, estimated
for paving.
for paving.
"southeast-C on So from 4th to 9Th, esti-
mated for paving; from Sd to sth, estimated
for grading and regulating.
"Northeast-Sth from Maryland avenue to B,
estimated for paving 9Th from Maryland avenue
to Massachusetts avenue, estimated for grading
and regulating"
The Commissioners also approved Capt.
Symons' recommendation relative to the cen
tractors to whom awards should be made,
which was heretofore printed in The STAR.