Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-06-17
A woman's sphere mouse, or n loose
cow in her path.


woman's sphere A mouse, or a loose
COW in her path.
When q norman kisses a mermaid he
gives her water cress.
Generally speaking, the less head man
has the more frequently he loses it,
Waiter-Lost your pocket-book, mad
am? Madam-Much worse. can't find
my pocket.
Chow to get mo-ev without earning it,
Leave that problem for some one else to
answer.
Gadby, whose father was circus tum-
bier, now goes about Boosting that he is
one of the sons of revolutionary sires.
Elderly spinster Crushing into drug
store)-Say, mister, l want some paint.
Obliging clerk-Yes'm. Face or fence.
Snooper-You call that picked choir,
do you? Chorister-Yes why do you ask?
SnoCper 1t strikes me it was picked too
soon.
a man may theoretically hold loose
must he carefu! not to be tight in his
haiit~.
Mrs Slimdiet clearinghouse keeper
Isn't this coffee just Il leetle thin? Cook
l amt made the coffee yet, mum; that's
water.
Blessed be mirthfulness. 1t is one of
the renovators of the world. Men will
let you abuse them if only you will make
them laugh.
"Do you believe that DIR. Holmes was
right whsn he SAID, poverty is cure for
dyspepsia?' at may be; I'd rather have
the dyspepsia"
Here is the latest Tory joke: Why
cannot Mr.. Gladstone have his life
insured? Because no man living can make
out his policy.
Mr.. Findout-Sad about Mrs. S.; died
this morning while trying on a new dress.
Mrs. Findout-No, you don't say so;
what was it trimmed with?
"What is your idea of Il true gentleman,
Jack?" "A true gentleman always laughs
at the joke of story, and never says he
has heard it before
Almsgiver-Are you one of the men who
are agitating the labor question? Tramp
No, yer honor. Ohm one ov the men
that the labor trouble is agitatn'."
A teacher asked a class to write an es-
say on "The Result of Laziness," and one
of the bright but lazy boys in the class
handed in as his composition a blank
sheet of paper.
''Bobby," cautioned his mother (they
were guests at dinner), sis it possible you
are eating with your knife?" "Yes, ma"
responded Bobby, with look of intense
chagrin ''but forgot 1 was visitin."
'What a large and handsome vice-pres-
ident you have, Mr.. Harrison" said
lady, as Mr.. Morton passed by. Yes"
replied Mr.. H., with modest smile, 81
have no small vices
A rural journal prints an elaborate
apology for the mistake of its compositor
in making it allude to General Blank,
that gallous old saw-horse," instead of
"that gallant old war-horse."
''Lend me five shillings. 1 need them
very much" what for?" 81 want to
pawn my watch" "But you don't need
any money for that" ''Indeed / do. |
must get it from the watchmakers first"
mamma, / know it's true about the
golden streets in heaven" "Why, how
do you know, Maud?" "Because, when /
was on deck with nurse last night, some
thing mede a noise, AID the sky split
clear across, and then l saw the gold
shine through"
Who is your family physician, Freddy?
asked Mrs. Hendricks of the Brown boy.
We amt got none, said the boy. Pas
homeopath, mas an allopath, sister Jane
is a Christian Scientist, grandma and
grandpa buy all the quack medicines go
ing, Uncle James believes in massage, and
brother Bill is horse doctor.