The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1889-02-08
FREAKS.
How Young Squiggins Lost the Affecfi6ns
of His New Hampshire Love.

OF lis New hampshire LofS-
Now if Edison should succeed in per-
fecting a machine by which we could
make a living without work, and with
out hiring a hand, he viii deserve and
get a good substantial monument. He
has invented about every thing else.
BY the aid OF the phonograph the past
win be able to talk face to face almost
with the future. A thousand years
hence you can go to shelf V, take
down the Victoria disk, or from shelf
B take the Bismarck plate and hear
them express their views on the state
of Europe in their own voices. a little
hellowed by age. In the museums
then the wax effigies of long-gone war;
riors, Congressman, poets, and other
criminals, will contain monographs,
and when the crank is turned their
lips will move, and you will catch
their voices as naturally as they could
be. without the favor OF the breath.
The minstrel troupe ofthe future
will be solely of manikin construction.
costing less to keep in repair and to-
gether, each having a diet of phono-
graph full of the jokes and gags caught
from the stage OF this century, and
which will be able to go whooping
down the ages without the change of q
syllable.
Photographs will 70 become uni
versal, and it will be common for a
creditor to send a plate along with his
bill to a debtor. who can tell by the
emphasis of the voice whether it is
better to remit the money forthwith
or an excuse. white Wings" 'Silver
Hairs in Golden Butter 'AIaiden's
Prayer" ETC., will be preserved in all
their pristine sweetness and help swell
the chorus when Gabriel blows horn
spoons.
The melancholy widower can go to
his monograph for relief and consola-
ton in his lonely hours, adjust a plate
and hear: Now, John, don't forget to
order the groceries, and don't carry
those letters around q week, and get
that binding matched, and see what
day | must call to get the dress fitted,
and order another pair OF shoes like
those, and send the paper hangers up
and call and settle that millinery bill,
and go and telegraph for mother to
come down on the next train. Ia,
ta."
This puts me in mind Of young
Squiggins' case. He was a Yale
student and had a girl up in New
Hampshire. He sent her a present of
a photograph recently for affectionate
purposes, and got one for himself.
The night that hiss was brought there
was a gathering of students in his
room. to review lessons together, per-
haps. They has something to soften
up hard, dry algebraic problems, and
to grease Latin sentences with, |
presume. They were having a studi-
Gus time, being much absorbed and
very absorbing. As they got deeper
into their curriculum, Squiggins could
not resist going to the photograph
behind the curtain in the corner
and doing some talking to send to his
girl by midnight mail. In great haste
he got the plates off that night but did
not have time to look over and correct
proof.
When she received them with q
beating heart and trembling fingers,
she adjusted them to the machine in
the silence of her boudoir and turned
the crank.
My darling Angelina, l am alone
in nv desOlate rOOm-nO gOH don't,
Gibbs are trump-so l thought l would
sit and talk to you awhile-hunlp,
tramp, Mump, Mump-The hours drag
along so slowly-my trick-when l am
far from you, and you r my only
study-fU up, Slopkins-Your face is
always between my eye and the book
here's to you-and to talk to you now
seems like looking-IW be there IN q
minute-and | feel as if | couldn't be
kept. BttcinS, Chere'S your ante?-The
chords of affection that bind us are very
stronghold are q JalSifer-and l feel
as if | was bound to you forever-come
boys, cool down-and nothing can
let's drink and make up. al right
nothing can separate us, and then the
world-hic-may wag along as it will;
we won't give a-hic-cent; it can rot
disturb us-another round; all right.
Good dear. my bye n (hic)-I mean
goodbye, my dear one-Yes, Sam, I'm
drunk'sh a fool-a thousand kishes.'
He is still waiting an answer, and
wondering why.-DetroH Free Press,