Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-05-17


powder rag. Sometimes it also con
tains a costly robe de mutt, when I do
not forget and leave said robe IN the
sleeping-car or hotel. 1 am not over
drawing this matter, however, when /
say honestly that the shriu cry of fire
at night in most any hotel In the United
States now would bring to the fire es-
cape from one to six employees Of said
hotel wearing these costly vestments
with my brief but imperishable name
engraved on the bosom.
This little travelling which Is
not larger than a mans hand Is rudely
pulled out of my grasp as 1 enter the
inn, and 1t has cost me twenty dollars
to get it back from the porter. Be
sides, I have paid So. 80 for new han
dies to replace those that have been
torn off In a frantic scuf11e between the
porter and myself to see which would
get away with it.
Yesterday was talking with q re-
formed lecturer about this popularity
of the porters. He said he used to
lecture a great deal at moderate prices
throughout the country, and after ten
years of earnest toll he was enabled to
retire with a rich experience and nine
dollars in money. He lectufed on
chronology and took his meals with
the Chairman Of the lecture commit
tee. In Ouray, Col, the baggageman
allowed his trunk to fall from a great
height and so the lid was knocked off
and the bust which the professor used
in his lecture was busted. He there
| fore had to borrow a baldheaded man
to act as bust for him in the evening
/ After the close of the lecture the pro
| fessOr found that the bust had stolen
! the gross receipts from his cOat-taII
! pocket while he was lecturing. The
! only improbable feature about this
story is the implication that a bald
! headed man would commit crime.
But still he did not become soured.
He pressed on and lectured to the gen
tie ianitOrs of the land in piercing
tones. He was always kind to every
one, even when people criticised his
/ lecture and went away before he got
through. He forgave them and paid
his bills Just the same as he did when
/ people liked him.
Once a newspaper man had done
/ him a great wrong and said that "the
/ lecture was decayed and that the pro-
| fessor would endear himself to every
one if he would some night at his hotel,
! instead of blowing out the gas and
! turning off his brains as he usually did
/ Just turn off the gas and blow out his
! brains" But the professor did not go
to his Office and blow holes in his
viscera. He spoke kindly to him
always, and once when the two met in
a barber shop, and it was doubtful
which was "next" as they came in
from opposite ends of the room, the
professor gently yielded the chair to
| the man who had done him q great
wrong, and while the barber was
shaving him eleven tons of ceiling
peeled off and fell on the editor who
had been so cruel and so rude, and
when they gathered up the debris q
day or two afterward 1t was almost i'm
possible to tell which was ceiling and
which was remains.
So it is always best to deal gently
with the eTring, especially if you think
it viii be fatal to them.
The reformed lecturer also spoke OF
a discovery he made, which 1 had
never heard of before. He began, dur
ing the closing years of his tour, to no.
tice mysterious marks on his trunk
made with chalk generally, and so dur
ing his leisure hours he investigated
them and their cause and effect. He
| found that they were the symbols o.
the Independent Order of POrters anC
aggage-Bursters. He discovered thai
it was a species of language by which
one porter informed the next, without
the expense of telegraphing, what
style of man owned the trunk and the
prospects for touching him, as one
might say.
MYSTERIOUS SIGNS.
Tho p1u0fagcO7s "a d r +hncr
signs from an old notebook, together
with his own Interpretation after years
of close study. reproduce them here
because I know they viii interest the
reader as they did me.
This trunk, if handled gently and
then carefully unstrapped in the own
er's room, so as to open comfortably
H.