Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-06-21
FANsY-s FUNNY oAPRIGEs.

h0sT persons who cross the ocean Tor
the first time pronounce it a very swell
affair.
Iris wise child that goes out Of the
room to laugh when the old man mashes
his thumb.
Mrs. GUsHNGToN (nissing her
spouse)--Wh is the light Of my life ?
Mr.. La Conic-He has gone out.
TEACHER CtO class in geogcapbY)-If
I should dig a hole through the earth
where would i come cut? Small boy
Out of the hole
aREBUrATIoN dot dond get a blem-
ishes on it, says Carl Pretzel, "vhent
der ark In NIT Noah, und forgot to
come der ark ont.
MEDDLER-What Is your business?
Cynicus-A Winding it. MeddIer-M Mind
ing what2 Cynieus-BIy business.
Mr.. BoODY HoUsE-How are you on
the Southern race question, Perry?
bIr. Perry st. Clair (iust returned from
Louisville meeting
"JUsT see how those crows carry on,
said a man, looking at the antics Of a
flock of the birds yes" replied an
other, "they are carrion crows.
HUsBAND-AwOrd to the wise is SUI
ficient, my dear. Wife, know it, dar-
ling That's why have to be contin-
Ually and eyerlastingly talking to you.
CONVERSATION warns the mind and
enlivens the Imagination" wrote Ben
Franklin. Evidently Benjamin had
heard two exasperated truck-drivers
talk
CUSTOMER Cto grocer) - Is there
money in this business? Grocer
Well, I should say SO! Why, I've put
in all my own money and as much as 1
could borrow.
"WHAT are you doing. Patrick ?"
Walzin' your husband, ma'am" "But
why?" "Becase it's tin o'clock, ma'am,
when I was to give him the dhrops to
make him shape"
VISITOR Ito butler who is showing
him through the picture gallery of an
old mansiOn) -"That's a fine portrait.
Is it an old master ?" Butler-"No.
That's the old missus."
GEORGE" Won't you be mine, dear 2"
Clara think should have to be
hard pressed, indeed to take you. +"
George equal to the emergency)-"O
if that's all, here goes.
"No, I DON'T want the thing" said a
man when impOr5uned to buy the "pigs
in clover" puzzle. "It is not novelty
to me. I've been a passenger-car con-
ductOr for twenty-five years.
Gin the coal business, are you?"
eyes, sir" Discovered the way to
wealth, I suppose?" Il have. What
is it? ?" "The weigh to wealth, sir, is
1880 pounds to the ton !"-C Chicago
Ledger. i
"YoUR blood appears to be a little
! out Of order, madam. I will send you
something that will purify it. J." Mrs!
Hill Indignantly Purify my blood,
sir? Are you not aware that L am one
! of the 400? Sssa
BEGGAR-PIease give me a dime.
Don't judge me by present appear
ances, but remember that I once did
business for Jay Gould Citizen-I
believe you, my man, 1 believe you.
Here's a dollar.
P. MUNoHAUsEN CADsoN, ESQ
Talk about advenchawsl Why, good
Ged when I was out in NebwasIzaw I
was stwuck slap on the-er-cheek by
a COmanche bullet, by Ged. Miss
Dorothy Debutante-O, do let me see
/ it, please. I never saw a Aattened
/ bullet.
TIRED wife-John, wish you would
bring in some wood Husband-I
would, my dear. but I have the lumba-
90 again. Tired wife-You have {?
Husband-Yes, the pains up my back
are Just terrible. Tired Wife-Why,
what have you been doing There
were no seats left at the ball grounds,
and I had to stand up.
KENTUCKIAN-CoI Corkscrew, I've
found philanthrOpic mission at last.
You know whisky is said to be the bar
to the Indians civilization. Col Cork
screw-Well, what has that to do with
your mission? Kentuckian-Ev
thing. I propose to make the rounds
of the reservations and drink all the
internal stuff myself
THE TYPEWRITER GIRL.
With the eyes of an Oda1isque, dreamy and
With teeth that would rival the pearl,
She quietly walks to her Office down town,
My darling-Uhe typewriter girl.
Her voice is as soft as the whispers Of love.
Her fluffy hairs tied with curl,
And her form would surpass the graces above
My darlng-the typewriter girl.
From the tips of her feet to the flush on her
cheek
She keeps me in one constant whirl;
She told me she earned six dollars a Seek,
My darlng-the typewriter girl
REAEY TO SETTLE.