News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-09-19
TWO KINDS OF SUSPENSE.

A murderer under sentence of death
had number of influential friends who
were exerting themselves to secure q
respite from the Governor. The Sheriff
believed in capital punishment, but he
was charitably disposed man and had
been doing a great deal of running
around for his doomed guest. One
morning he returned from such trip
and went to the prisoner.
"Well, said tho man eagerly, ''what
did the Governor say"
"My dear Sir, he hasn tsaid ANYTHING
yet; he wants time TO think y
"Great heavens, man This suspense
is terrible % exclaimed tho criminal,
dramatically.
"Don't mention it, responded the
Sheriff in q cheerful tone; sit amt
anything 10 what it will be if the Gov
ernor doesn't interfere. - Sussex Reg
lister.
A TICKLISH POINT.
CTS there man { ON Michigan in
this carr" shouted IA ystss4einan on an
Ohio road, and three men stood up.
'"The conductor says" continued the
brakeman, ''that if you ague fellers
don't stop shaking this here car you'll
have to get off. We're coming to
ticklish point in the road and we don't
want no accidents.
AN INSULTED POET.
Caller (heSitatingly)-1 have here
little production of my own which l
should like to have you use for Your
poets corner if
Editor Qacetiously) y)-Poet's corner?
Certainly. We're all poet scorners in
this Office. The ianitor, perhaps, may
| find some use
Caller (stiffening up)-The poem, sir,
is desert ptive of my patent hedge trim
mer, and l was going to ask you if
dollar line would be sufficient com
pensation for publishing it as an adver-
tisement. 1 don't mind your allusion
to the ianitor, but that didd edy- dad
banged chestnut about the poet scorner
makes me tired. Don't get between
me and the door, sir, if you please. I
don't want any explanations and apollo
gies. You shouldn't have this poem
now if you got down on your knees for
it. Good morning, sir, and be hanged
to you Chicago Tribune.
NEED OF CHANGE.
ga poor lame man begs your charity"
''How is this? Yesterday you hmped
on the right leg, to day you limp on the
left leg !''
Eyes, can't stand it to limp on one
leg more than twenty-four hours. -
Wasp.
CIVIL WAR.
"You say you fought all through the
war, but l can't find your name on any
of the enlistment rolls
II know it. / wasn't enlisted. I
fought with my wife, - IMunscy's
Weekly.
SOUNDED JUST LIKE HIM.
Wife-John, L read in the morning
paper that n very badly intoxicated man
fell out of the ffth-story window of one
OF the down-tow hotels and was killed.
Nobody can identify him.
HusbandWell, what of that?
Wife-l wish you'd go down to the
morgue and see if it isn't you!
I-rsrs>ss.Ie,.s- -..se-~r --or-
Mike-Paddy. wnf1c@snp. It's i.knsa
dead mon yez took, lying there aslape.
Paddy-Faith, and it's dend mon
Oi'll have to be before Oi get wake
[Kearney Enterprise.
IN NO HURRY.
"Good evening, Mr.. Sticky, you
really must come to see me again some
time"
''Er, but 1 wasn't going quite yet,
Miss Eva"
ooh, I beg your pardon! You gen
orally do go, you know, after an hours
silence. "- Time.
IT COULDN'T BE.
Papa Ito little Ethel DO you lnow,
dear, that the one bright star YOU see
above us is bigger than all the earth.
Ethel-Oh, no, papa. that can't be.
Para-But it is, my dear.
Ethel-Then why doesn't it keep off
the rain Pick Me Up.
UPSTAIRS AND IN THE CELLAR.
Up in the parlor the young folks sat;
With each hour their words grew sweeter,
While her father grim,
With lantern dim,
Sat down III the cellar and swore with vim
AS he watched every skip of the meter
Washington Capital.
CONCLUSION IN THE PARK.
Homely Pettigrew (who has been
rudely awakoned)-Just my bioomin'
luck Every time I'm took in dey's
strange Judge on d bench. L ,s'pose
I'll get twenty year this time, by tn
looks O. that one. Judge,
wRECKING HER LIFE.
Rescuer-I didn't know it was false
when grabbed it. Give me your hand
Drowning Party-Are there many
people on the beach2
Rescuer Yes.
Drowning Party-Let me drown.