West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-04-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Regular ''healers"
A cable road-The bed of the Allan tic.
The ''beefy" nobleman-Sir Loin
Steak.
A woman should never wear a ruffle on
her temper.
Always work with good prospects
Missionaries.
Never take cold at their work
Draughtsmen.
Not conspicuously full of cracks
Rented houses.
1t is conceded that fiddler is up to
his chin in business.
care you through with your lungs2"
asked the cigarette of the youth.
1t may sound somewhat contradictory,
but the first thing in boot is the last.
''Why is the letter S like a sewing
machine2" Because it makes needles
needless"
st. Louis boasts of dwarf barber less
than four feet high. He must be little
shaver. Statesman.
Practical jokers are a very Improbable
lot They never buy; their business is
to sell. -Rochester Post.
Cholly-'T always sleep WE'LL" Miss
Snyder-"So / should Judge. You never
seem more than half awake. Nero York
Sun.
Upper-Ten Child-"My papa is
abroad. Is yours2" Lower.Ten Child
yep. Mine is at large ag'in. "--Me,o
York Weekly.
The setting sun is very warm affair,
but for really hot heat commend us to
the setting hen when she gets wet. =
Commercial Advertiser.
Bjones-'I hear De Carr gave Miss
Rapidde pound of caramels with his
love-" Merritt-"Yes; he told me she
accepted the caramels "-Nsao York SIN.
The early bird is quite as apt to catch
the malaria as the worm; the moral of
which seems to be that previousness is
vicious sort of virtue after all.
Commercial Adrertiser
Scientist lin Bring me
a decoction of burnt peas, sweetened
with glucose and lightened with chalk
and water" Waiter (vociferously)-
Coffee fur one n--7 Tine.
First Bohemian (pensively, over his
logwood and water)-"After all, dear
boy, life is dream" Second Bohemian
Yes; and the trouble is we only get
the nightmare part of it,"
Mrs. Upperten-"Well, Jane, 1 am
sorry you have decided to leave me; but
If you are going to better yourself, of
course" Jane-'1t isn't that, ma'am
am going to get married"
A writer in the World re ,ommends
that executions by means of electricity
be called Characterization" What's
the use of adding unnecessary terrors to
the thing BinghamtOn Republican.
If you have toothache have your
tooth pulled, but do not think it neces-
sary or even right to attempt to cure an
earache by having your ear pulled.
What is one mans meat is another's
poison Commercial Ad0ertiser.
Said great admirer of the preacher
his church had dismissed: THAT was
fine sermon, and we'll timed, too"
Eyes, replied the clergyman, ''it was
certainly well timed. About half the
congregation had their watches out most
of the time I was talking"
Teacher geography CLASP -sVery
good. Now, children, Tomorrow YOU
must all bring small bottles OF sweet oil
with you" Head Girl-"What are they
forf' ITO lubricatc your Jaws, nv
dear We are to begin on the lakes of
Maine. - PhiLadelphla Recorl.
OF all editorial writers, Horace
Greeley was most noted for illepible
copy. On one occasion the modern
Franklin" penned something about
Suburban journalism advancing" but
the typesetter, thinking it one OF his
famous agricultural articles, launched
out wildly with the words: "Superb
Jerusalem artichokes. ~ Egoch.