The morning news., 1889-05-04
BRIGHT BITS.

PROBABLY the most wde-awake class of men
IN TINS country are the young hers who have
been blessed with twins Burlington Free
Press.
EVERYTHING has It's Use In this world. Even
the fly that persiStently refuses to be caught
teaches the baid-headei man patience-S0ptsT-
Uitte Journal
AT THE 1rsEUM. Why do you stare at the
osslhed man so, Bobby|'
Il was thinking how maYy buttons he would
make when he dies. Time.
FIRST LADY-What an imperious, dictatorial,
Arroga It man that Mr. Po npus is.
Second Lady-Yes: you know, he has never
been married. Washington Post.
Mr. FRILLs-what we're you when married
your Nobody
Ars Frllls 'serenelyl-Nen that's good
point; you re nobody s fooL-puck
MRS. GRABBIrrE-Iust think dear picked up
nickel In the street tais afternoon
Mr.. Hrabbltts-Yes, and asst was muddy, you
must have spoiled a pair of 81 gloves es-Topjcs.
SMILEY BAsxxR-Ah, here comes Miss
Coupon, the heress. waited on her once.
FIe31 Frend q & credul uslyLHsonl Ts, Where'
Time.
AT THE ORERA-w wllkinsby's wite-why do
they call the prima donna the diva, George9
WilknsbylI don't know unles she isn't
~ ati 20 jump into the high C.-AuIsey's
Weekly.
JINAS (at MFS 1lDtOp' 5 e"eptiou) ~ IN IN luck
for once. kaow the hostess.
Blinks Gntent on tina good things of lfel-rm
IN greater lJIcS. know the waiter Pht!ddeL-
ph|d Record.
De THoHtKYNs (gho has been narrating au
incident in his careerl-O, I'm no fool!
Paperwate-N-n-no, you're no fool, but (er
thusiasticallyl what a substitute you would
mRke,-Ltfe.
UNwELcoNE SurroR-That's lovely song! 1t
always carries me away.
Shelf l had known how much pleasure it
could give us both should have sung it earlier
in the eYening-LQe
MR. BLooMINGDA1E WARD Uremulously. after
venturing kiss -I-i-I beg pardon. didn't
mean to. i
Miss Dolly Flicker (5evereyJ-If you had been
sincere might nav, forgiven you.-L0e.
BRIDogT-Shall lave the hall lamp burnln,
ma'am?
Mistress-No. lam pretty sure Mr. Jones
won't be home unit! daylight. lie kissed me
three times before he LEFT and gave me $50 Tor
a new spring bo- nst.-Ie,fe Hdute Cypress.
FATHER-Well. nov you come out on the
bean guessing contest?
Dull Bo Il guessed there was $50 beans in
the jar. and there was g. 800.
d-aer (sad Yin afraid You'll never be fit
for anything hut weather bIrelu chief
PatiGde(Dhld Record
FER APOLOGY. Bauble severely - Miss
Sharpson, understan you say that my at
temp at wit are simply laug able
Miss Suarpson with much iumility(-My
dear Mr. Baube, l withdraw my words. To
call your pkes aughabie IS to grossly misrep-
sent then, assure you -AcctieAt Ne'cS.
KNEW WHAT TO QsDER-"James." said the
village weller, ''aie there any weddings to
take placa in the neicnborhoOd on?N
IT Iere are two 70 come off next week." said
the clerk
Aud the teweler sat down at once and wrote an
order for two dozen pickle casters with privilege
OF exchanging twenty two of them for some
thing else within thirty DAYS. &C icIgO tribune.
MISS ENvIE- Mother, can't see what it is
you admire about Mr.. Clayhrain. He's disgust
ingly annoying with his constant harpilS on
money matters. One would think he owned
the cart instead of only one million in it, the
little poppinjly!
Widow Euve--A popPinjly with a million,
my dear, mlkes very desirable husband, you
pop tais evening, he shall be your new pepper.
-7opn Topics
NEw BosrON SOCIETY, Y,-Tourist-0f course,
you have no exclu-iv society here, no.
Prominent Citizen (f New B ston, Kansas
Hain't, hey? You bet we have. II hit wasn't
like McAllister has oorrallei in New York
Tourist-IndeedY What obstacle prevents its
foundation?
Prominent Citizen-A blamed good one You
see, pod1er, New Boston hain't got but 800 in
habiLants--PucE.
physician for advice. After prescribing the
regimen he wished his patient to follow he
added
And remember, only one cigar after each
meal"
s,ne weeks later the young man returned.
well, my youthful friend" inquired Escula-
Plus, " have You oh 'erved my rules"
Pretty faithfully, doctor. Only that one
cigar after m al business has bttherel me
some. You should understand that had
never smoked "-JudJe.