The Washington critic., 1889-01-18
WASHINGTON CRITIC
"DRIV FRUM HUM"

coming uOWn. Inc CrHlb llnally ufONc
into the reeds and minute later a mans
head slowly appeared in view. II was
the head of real live nativc--long.
haired, salow-faced, high check bones,
unkempt whiskers aud yellow teeth.
The head regarded me with surprise for
time, and then body came into view.
lis longs arms, dun-colered garments,
talon-like finger nails, stoop shoulders
and long neck proved the presence of a
native Cracker"
"lellol What are you doing theroP'
stranger. I've bin driv frum hum"
he replied in voice actually loaded with
sorrow.
"Comc ashore and let's talk"
a closer inspection revealed that he
was the essence of sorrow and dirt boiled
down and cakcd hard. He was six feet
tall. loose iointed, lanky and evidently
as lazy as he was long. Had been sure
that he was / 200 years old would have
bet 81 to shilling that he had not
combcd his hair or washed his face for
900 years. lie held out Il paw like II
wash-board and greeted me with:
stranger, eh? Well, old Bill Smith
bids ye welcome. Las mite he had a
hum to take ye to, and n cheer to sol out
fur ye and some pone and bacon to offer
q,
We by the hand"
"Iias some calamity happened" 1
asked.
"Some calamity has. I've been driv
from hum, stranger / hant got no
place to lay my head no more, 'cept in
that thar leaky canoe"
"That's bad Who did it?'
"Seutha, sah-and nobody else-driv
me right away from the hum in which
was born"
"And who's Selutha?"
"My wife--marricd her more n seven
teen years ago, and we've got five chill
dren, and last mite"
"You had fuss, | suppose?'
"Furse? Furse? No, we had no fursc.
She iist lit down on me and pulled hair
and clawed. and said shed stood it long
enough. She driv me out in the cold
world and went to bed in the canoe,
cast her adrift, and yere am, stranger,
I'm wuss nor an orfun. Won't you go
back hum with me and argyfy to the old
wouson?"
GLOW far is it?''
canoe. Do it for me, stranger. Don't
stand by and see husband and father
driv from his hum"
We got into the canoe, and he used the
paddle in vigorous manner sized
him up as a lazy, good-natured native,
and it wasn't long before he gave himself
away.
"Ar' ye a lawyer 9' he asked, as we
moved along.
Something of one.
'Good / was in hopes you was. You
can argify the ole woman in ten min
utes"
What made the fuss ?"
'Jist q notion O hern. | haint well
and can't work, and she's got notion 1
orter. Jist tell her that | look like q
man who won't live year"
We voyaged along for awhile in
silence, and then | noticed that the man
was weeping.
Stranger, was ye ever driv from
hum 2"
Never
"Then ye don't know how it breaks a
teller down. In argifying with Selutha
iist menshun that i wept, won't ye Z
She's heavy on tears"
We landed at the bank below Smith S
cabin about noon. He decided to remain
in the canoe until / should go up and
"argify." / cut across a field to the
road and approached the house from the
front. I found Mrs. Smith to be a
nervous little woman of 40, and the five
children were like a pair of stairs in
height. / was very kindly received, and
after a little made bold TO say:
'I met Mr.. Smith about six miles down
the road"
"What! My ole Bill, the 'onery
mule!"
Eyes, maam."
Sand didn't ye shute at him p
ooh, no."
"You orter. He's the lankest, LATEST
shuckless man in Moth Carolina run
him out last mite. shan't truck with
him no mo-"
'He was telling me about it. He felt
very badly"
"Nol Ole Bill feel bad about any
thingp
"Yes. he actually shed tears"
"Hills to Dustin, but what news
Children, hear that! Your father shed
din tearsl"
"Did pop beller2" asked the Oldest boy
of me.
Eyes, he cried"
cts impossible" gasped the woman
"Why, old Bill was too lazy to even shet
tears. What did he say?"
"He said you were the best woman on
top of the earth, and that five better
children could not be found"
"He did And what else?"
"And that he didn't blame you, al
though he did the best he could He
hopes you will forgive him when you
hear of his death"
"EIis death! Is ole Bill gwine to drowr
hisself2"
I'll shouldn't wonder. He ha
nothing to live for"
"AIam driv' pap out to diel' sniveleC
one of the children, and all got togethe
at the door and began to cry.
Stranger" said the little woman, a
she came closer, cole Bill was lazy anC
'onery, but | reckon l hadn't orter. ii,
was the father of them children, and h
had some good p'ints. Pm mind to g
arter him.
"Can you forgive him?'
"Sartin. I've smashed his gun anC
traps though"
"You'l take him back?'
81 will"
"Well, he's down at the landing. SenC
one of the boys to call him. Take hin
back on trial. Tell him how he's got tC
go to work or you'll drive him of fol
good next time, Lay the law right dowi
TO him."
Smith soon arrived. He came in wip
ing his eyes and seeming very humble
AS he entered the door the wife, will
arms akimbo, looked him over and eX