Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-06-06
A Story in Which Every Word Begins with
an
SIMON SHORTS SON SAMUEL

an $50
SIMON SHORTS SON SAMUEL
Shrewd Simon Short sewed shoes
Seventeen Summers, spreading storms
spreading sunshine, successfully saw ST.
mons small; shabby shop standing stanch
saw Simon's self-same sign still swinging
| specifying: Simon Short, Smithdeld's
surviving shoemaker, shoes sewed, soleo
superfnely."
Simon's spry, sed1lous spouse, Sally
Short, Sc SeG shirts, stitched sheets, stuff
ed sofas.
Sinon's six stout sturdy sons-Setb,
Samuel, Stephen, Saul, Shadrach, Silas-
sold sundries. Sober Seth sold sugar,
starch, spice; simple Sam sold sad dies,
stirrOps, screws; sagacious Stephen sold
silks, satins, shawls; skeptical Saul sold
silver salvers; selfish Shadrach sold salves,
| shoe strings, soap, saws, skates; Silas sold
| Sally Shorts stuffed sofas.
/ Some seven summers since Simon's
| second son Samuel saw Sophia Soph-
roma Spriggs. Sam showed strange
symptoms.
Sam seldom steid storing, selling sad
dies. Sam sighed sorrowfully, sought
Sophia Sophronia's society, sung several
surreptitious serenades sIyly.
Simon stormed, scolded severely; said
Sam seemed So silly singing such shame
full, senseless songs.
Strange, Sam should slight such
splendid summer sales! Strutt1ng
spendthrift! Shatterbrained simpletonp'
softly, softly, SIRE" said Sally.
Sans smitten, Sans spied some sweet
sylph."
Sentimental schoolboyr' snarled ST.
mon; ''Smittep! Stop such stuff!'
Speaking so, Simon sent SalIy's snuff
box spinning, seized Sally's scissors,
smashed Sally's spectacles, scattering
several spoolsp
''Sneaking scoundrel! Sans shocking
Stiffness shall surcease"
Scowling, Simon stopped speaking,
starting swiftly shopward.
Sally sighed sadly. Summoning Sam,
she spoke sweet sympathy.
'Sam," said she, Sire Simon seems
sing ularly snappy; SO. sonny, stop stroll
ing streets, stop smoking segers, spend
ing specie superfously, stop sprucing so,
stop singing serenades, stop short! Sell
saddles, sonny, sell saddles sensibly; see
Sophia Sophronia Spriggs soon; she's
sprig htly, she's staple, SO solicit, sue, Sc
cure Sophia speedily, Sam"
surely seek soup so soon?" said Sam
stan ding stock still.
$50 soon, surely" said Sally, smiling;
specially since sire shows such spirits"
So, Sam, somewhat scared, sauntered
slowly. Shaking s.upendously Sam So
liloquizes: sophia Sophronia Spriggs
Spriggs-Short. Sophia Sophronia
Short, Samuel Shorts spouse, sounds
splendid! Suppose she should say-she,
she sha'n't! she sha'n't! she sha'n't!"
Soon Sam spied Sophia starching
shirts, singing softly. Seeing Sam she
stopped, started, saluted Sam smilingly.
Sam stammered shockingly.
Spi-spi-splendid summer season,
Sophia"
Somewhat sultry," suggested Sophia.
"Sar-sar tin, sSophia, ''saids Sam. ST
lence seventeen seconds.
SELLING saddles still, Sam?"
"Sar-sar-tin," said Sam starting sud
denly. Seasons somewhat sudorifc,"
said Sam, steelthily stan ching, steaming,
sweat. Speaking sensibly.
"Sartin," said Sophia, smiling sjgnifi-
cantly. "Sip some sweet sherbit, SAM"
Silence sixty seconds.
"Shire shot sixty sheldrakes Saturday."
said Sophia.
"Sixtyf Shot," said Sam. Silence
seventy seconds.
"See Sister Susan's sunfowers," said
Sophia, socially scattering such stiff ST
lence.
Sophia's sprightly sauoiness stimulated
Sam strangely; SO Sam suddenly spoke
sentimentally.
Sophia" said Sam spontaneously.
'Susan's suLfowers seem saying: Samuel
Short, Sophia Sophronia Spriggs, stroll
serenely. Seek some sequestered spot,
some sylvan shade. Sparkling springs
shall sing soul-shooting strains; sweet
soDgsters shall silence secret sighings,
super-angelic sylphs shall" Sophia
snickered, SO Sam stopped.
Sophia" said Sam, solemnly.
"Sam," said Sophia.
sophia, stop smiling; Sam Shorts
sincere. Sans seeking some weetspouee,
Sophia"
Sophia stood silent.
Speak, Sophia, speak! Such suspense
stimulates sorrow"
Seek sire, Sam, seek SIRE" said Sophia,
soothingly.
So Sam sought Sire Spriggs.
Sire Spriggs safe: "Sartin."