New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1889-03-21
THE CATCHING or TRAINS.

It. is related of o New-York man who resides in
one OF our numerous suburbs that In o recent suit
at law, in which he appeared as a witness one
Of the attorneys asked him as TO what was his
business. The catching Of trains and ferry
boats solemnly replied the suburban resident
The man may have been In jest but, IL So 1t is the
opinion OF many jewellers In the outlying districts
that he answered better than ne knew.
How much life is shortened by the pursuit OF
the Elusive ferryboat and the shy and unnpproach-
able train has often been subject Of speculation
by people whose occupation is the same as that
Of the witness, who, we suspect, had that morning
run bwo blocks and Just missed q boat, sunk down
on q scat and become deeply interested In his
roper, and only succeeded in embarklng on the
next boat by leaping across two yards of foaning
salt water and falling on his hands and knees
on the hard and unwelcome deck OF the fleeing
craft That living In the suburbs and watching
his train disappear down the track while the pretty
young lady telegraph operator laughs quietly docs
shorten mans life is undeniable That 10 is the
fruitful cause OF divorce suits dyspepsia nervous
prostration end insnnity Is also Susceptible OF
proof The surroundings OF life in the country are
in no way responsible for these things; it Is the
mad rush after the 9:I3 express, and then having
% be content with Che 10 FL accommodation; the
Wild chase for the B Il boat and the subsequent
uerSonal encounter with the large gateman, who
shuts the sliding door In your face when you feel
that you could easily leap the few feet necessary
10 gain the deck OF the departing vessel IL is
the strain Of keeping such uncongenial times
ne ZAP s.ls and 1850 in mind and attempting
"a reach the given points before these times that
steals away the years from the life OF the suburban
resident; IL is, in short, the fact that when you
move 10 the country, you must, like Golusmlths
ideal man. learn 70 fiy.'
Naturally there is much seeking after rem
sdv for these things Dwellers in the suburbs
receive advice about regularity Of habits Knowing
exactly when TO start and then starting, and so
forth; but still, each morning in the suburbs ana
eaeh afternoon In the city, we see the spectacle
Of the FLYING Man, 20 the unpracticed eye little
but a long dark streak, tearing nIadiy slong
and waving an umbrella like the arms OF Don
Ouixote's windmill at a train deaf TO oil human
ep,reatIes Notwithstanding the advice the
charge Of the behie1 brigade continues. Its fhuit
Is that IL does not so 10 the root of the matter.
The whole trouble lies in the custom the COM
NAMES have OF issuing timetables and the practice
patrons have OF carrying or paying any attention
10 them At every station there Is usually ot
least one man who never runs. lie viii be seen
Icisurely snnntering onto the railroad platform
in the country or into the station or ferry-house
In the city, cool and collected, tnking no Thought
of train or boat. lie is not o retired millionaire
who can afford 20 wait nor is he attempting to De
left 20 as 10 avoid some unpleasant engagement.
Ask him what train or boat he usually takes
end he viii tell you that he has no idea. Question
him further and you viii find that he carries
no timetable, never saw one, knows nothing OF
changes Of time additional trains" special
nrrangrments' or other things that baraSs the av-
eragt suburban traveller. Possibly he has risen TO
the heights OF wisdom, and carries no watch and
avoids clocks. When he gets ready 70 start for
the city or for his homo he simply starts Perhaps
he Just misses train, but there are just rs many
chances that be just catches one. lie waits no
more on the average-usually not so much-"s
the man who twice daily runs the John Gilpin
race against time
His Is the great secret Of living in the suburbs;
the man who follows his plan is always cool and
unrufled, he lives out his days and Is happy;
but with watch and timetable life is indeed but
a span TO the dweler without CrIe gates Of the
city.