Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-01
THE LAWS ODDITIES.
Some Amusing Features ofthe Usual
ly Dry Procedure Of Courts
A DEFINITION OF AN ATTORNEY.
Examples Of Repartee Exchanged Between
Bench and Bar.
DEFINITION OF AN ATTORNEY.
VCONNELLS TILT WITH LORD NORBURY
WRITTEN FOR rHr D1srAroH.1

the main hold that attorneys are simply
agents who appear for and act in place Of
their clients who have not the requisite
learning, experience, time or desire to ap-
pear in suits for themselves.
But then it must be remembered that 1
was writing Of women as lawyers without
much reference to men further than in
judicial capacity. held back another
definition of a lawyer, not designedly, how
ever, given in open court by one of the finest
of legal writers and one of the most pro-
found lawyers the world has ever known. 1
mean the amiable, the refined, the intel
lectuals Lord Brougham. His is by no
means q negation Of Webster and Bouvier,
but merely goes little further and SAYS
lawyer lis legal gentleman who rescues
your estate from your enemies, and keeps 1t
himself"
1t viii not do to say that the learned
lurist was jesting, but he was in right
earnest. In every subject Of dispute there
are two sides, right and wrong; now the
science of putting those contending state
ments, so as to confuse the right and the
wrong and make it difficult to decide is
called special pleading" This Especial
pleading" expressed in complicated terms
of legal phraseology, makes mass of en-
tRnglement and when brought to bear upon
property 1t will often distribute the whole of
1t among the lawyers and leave nothing for
the contestants themselves. The prRclpe
ior the writ and the writ itself have never
been regarded as portion Of the pleadings.
The pleading begins with the declaration
which is supposed to state the grievance or
the cause of action of the plaintiff, who, as
rule, is not very modest in his averments,
but gives an Uutlandish exaggeration of the
money due or the injury done by the de-
fendant.
HOW IT Is DONE.
will illustrate bv a scuffle saw in q
restaurant q few evenings ago, wherein an
East Ehder pulled the nose of a well-kRown
citizen of this city. An action for trespass
would lie in this case, and if Mr.. -
wished to recover, instead of simply saying
that the defendant pulled his nose, would
''declare" through his attorney that ''the
defendant, with force and arms, and with
great force and violence, seized, laid hold
OF, pulled, plucked and tore, and with his
fists gave and struck great many violent
blows and strokes on and about divers parts
of the plaintiffs nose," etc
This is one out of the many kinds of
declarations all depending on the cause Of
action, in fact there are so many that the
grave and serious Mr.. Chitty grows merry
after writing huge volume of 200 pages on
this dry subject.
The writ too, is strange document, and
one of the oddities of the law; it begins
with the State or Commonwealth, warmly
greeting you, but ends with a stern COM
mand and "at your peril" Writs there are
galore, to wit: Scire facias capias corpus
and its oppon a't, habeas corpus, certiorari,
inquirend, etc., etc they take their name
from the fri- words of the old writs which
were in Latin, and is said by some to have
been instituted by Brutus, the grandson of
-EReas, of Trojan war fame, and the first
King of England, who died when Samuel
was Judge of Israel
There are different kinds of actions and
different courts fof determining them. An
action of detinLe lies where a party seeks
to recover what is detained from him or
her; though it does not seem that gentle
man OBTAINING seat in street car while q
pretty lady is standing would be liable to
detinne, though it may be ungallsnt.
AN ACTION FOR TREsPAss
lies for an injury committed with violence,
such as the nose pulling heretofore men
toned. An action for trespass on the case
lies where a party seeks damages for a
wrong to which trespass will not apply
where he has not been hurt in person, but
hurt in pocket. In the State of Pennsvl-
vanis the Court of Common Pleas is the
panacea for woes OF this kind And it is a |
very popular court in Allegheny county.
There is Common Pleas No. and Common
Pleas No. 2; a well-known lawyer once told |
me it took its title, possibly, from the fact
Of the lawyers finding the profits such as to |
make them un-Common-ly Pleas'd.
The queerness of the law does not end |
with the pleadings, in fact it has not rightly |
begun. During the trial the examination |
OF witnesses, the arguments of counsel. the |
rulings of the Court, his charge to the iury. |
the jury itself, TEEN with incidents of note |
flowers of rhetoric, which bloom and smell |
sweet-sallies of wit and stinging replies. |
Perhaps the most eminent lswyer in this re-
special all events in this country-was the
late Emery A. Storrs, of Chicago. He was
not only witty and quick in repartee. but
beside had faculty of blending them with
law and logic to such an extraordinary de-
gree that drew from Lord Chief Justice Cole
ridge, of England, the very enviable euIogy
of being the Prince of barristers" /"
was present in Chicago at one Of the
last arguments be ever made. It was on a
writ of error to the United States Circuit
Court, Judges Harlan and Gresham, presid-
ing.s
Mr.. Tuthill, now Judge, was then District
Attorney, and had commenced the famous
Mackin case by information rather than by
lnolctment the statutory proceeding against
all prisoners suspected of an infamous crime.
This was the very point in question. Mr..
Iuthill read to the court letter from the
warden Of the penitentiarv, stating that if
Maekin entered the penitentiary under
the sentence of the court he would not
be subjected to the cropping of the hair or to
hard labor, the punishment due for infam-
Gus crimes.
A CHANCE FOB BALD MEN,
Storrs, in reply, took up the letter in the
midst of the heavy portion of his argu-
ment, and perhaps never since or before did
an oticial get such scoring on the grounds
Of q warden of penitentiary debating to
the Supreme Court of the United States.
''If Your Honors, " said he, "permit that.
you will lay precedent for the constables
and bailifs to dictate to our circuit and
courts of original Jurisdiction. Nor do
they stop there They submit that the
cropping of the hair is the punishment
provided for an infamous crime Were that |
the law, anyone with a bald head could not
be convicted Of an infamous crime"
Judge Harlan, who has scarcely hair on
his head, burst out in Laughter, and could
scarcely regain his equipoise during the re.
nainder of the discussion.
The judges themselves indulge in those
smart words particularly if they are epged
on by some quickWitted lawyer One day
Lord Norbury was charging jury and his
address was interrupted by the braying of a
donkey.
'What noise is that?" cried Lord Nor
bury.
'"Tis only the echo of the Court nv
Lord, /" answered one of the counsel.
The Judge not Disconnected resumed his