The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-10-03
MANITOWOC. WIS. OCTOBER 3. 1889
WIT AND HUMOR.
Hvdroplaobia itself is a sort of doc

CHFONfCtt.
People who call one another liars
| often get hurt for telling the truth
| Merchant Irqceter.
A wife owes duty to her husband.
and the husband, as in courtesy bound.
pays the debt bt.-Binghanton Leader.
Politicians seem to agree with musi
clans that thorough base methods are the
| foundation of harmony.-Batttni0rt
american.
The Iowa cheese factories talk OF
organizing into corporation and want
a name. We suggest the Mite society.
-Teras SJtings.
We do not credit the rumor that
tragedian kept himself from starving in
the west by eating all of his Shaks
pearean roleS.-UaTp er's Bdzar.
The woman who takes three hours to
dress for party may be vain, but she
will never wear short hair or try to act
like a SonerUiHe Journal.
Miss Periodic Cat the races-.I shall
buy the horse whose driver wears blue
Miss Discreet-.'l wouldn't. Blue is
not a fast color, you know. n-NeW YORK
San.
1t Is queer that young man never
notices that the woman he is in love
with has freckles until after she has
Tilted or married him.-Te7Te Hdute EI-
press.
A glass of beer will attract more
flies than glass of water. 1t also has
an attractive force for other animals
| not possessed of wings.-NeaO York
Herald.
Man may have seven ages, but a
woman after she reaches a certain
point has but one. She sticks to that
for the remainder of her life.-MerChan
IrdUeler.
Claus Spreckels wants to build houses
of sugar. If an apartment building of
this material is erected we are willing
to take a sweet of rooms.-LaUrenc
american.
Do you notice that long, leering grin
which divides the upper from the lower
shell of the oyster? That is in appre-
citation of the annual r joke.-WaSh-
i1agt0n CAPITAL.
Medical authorities insist that stimu-
lants weaken the voice, and doubtless
they do. 1t must be admitted, however,
that they strengthen the breath
Philadelphia Press.
Curious state of affairs at my
society,"" said the recording secretary.
whats that?" why, it took two
hours last night for me to get ten min
utes. s."-Harper's Bazar.
Whenever we hear a man boastingly
exclaim that he and his wife agree in
everything we are always tempted to
ask, which one of you, then, is the
?"-Bosto1a Blade.
A Chicago paper says the danger line
is passed as regards the corn crop. Not
at all. The danger line will only be
reached when corn is manufactured in
to whisky.-7eras Sytings.
The man who shoots his girl to make
her love him and the girl who throws
vitriol in her lovers face for the same
purpose should marry and have it out
with each other.-PhilddelOhia Times
Sarcastic guest Waiter, how long
have you been in this establishments
Waiter-''SiX weeks. sir" Then you
were not here when / ordered that
beefsteak. Excuse me."-Ie1as Sittings
Mumley-'The proprietor of this
ready-made clothing store is a law
breaker" Dumley-'.Ho do you
make that out?" Mumley-''Why,
isn't he counter-fitter?" ?"-NeW York
Sun.
Angry father-''If you wish to con-
tinue your visits to my daughter,
sir, YOU must wear frock coat"
Suitor-''When you chain up Your dog,
sir, l shall be happy to."-Clothier and
FurmiSher.
Mrs. Jason-''Who was the author of
the saying that history repeats itself
Jehiel?" Mr.. Jason-'I dunno.
Probably some fellow who went to two
minstrel shows in one week. ."-Terre
Haute Express.
Boston girl-s'Is it not strange,
Senor Matildo, that you have never
married? Have you never proposed?"
Senor Matildo-"No. / leave the
management of all my money matters
to my secretary. ."-Epoch.
Subscriber Say, | don't see any
thing funny about your jokes" Para
grapher-''Y You don't? / want you to
understand, sir, that those jokes con-
| vulsed thousands with laughter before
you were born.-NeW York .Sun.
Hopwood-..Knox, did l ever tell
you the story about the Judge and his
coon dog?" Knox-"I don't remember.
Was it good one?" Hopwood-"Ye
a mighty good story" Knox-''Then
you never told it to ."-NeaO York
Truth.
Il don't understand how you can
stay so continually in the house this
summer. feel as if l must get away,
if only to see some new faces" "Oh! !
don't need to 90 for that. My wife has
new servant every day.''-FHegende
Blatter.
Mrs. Lumkins-''J Joshua, am going
to the dentists to have tooth pulled
out. You mind the baby while I'm
gone" Mr.. L. Dumping for his hat-
Say, you mind the baby and I'll 90
and get tooth pulled, you know
| NeU York Sun.
when your practicing friend across
the way has learned to play the cornet
he will entertain the whole neighbor-
hood" said Mrs. Brown. Yes said
Mrs Crown, ..but by that time there
won't be any neighborhood here -
| !Sonerrille Journal.
Mr.. Smith (reading Bellamy's Look
ing Backward 'Hullo, what does
| that meano We are to have neither
banks nor bankers. Isn't he going it
rather fast2" Mrs. Smith-"Why, no,
| dear not at the rate they are going to
| Canada. ."-NeU York 1TfJuae
I'VE came pretty near having terri
BILE accident here last night" said the
hotel clerk contidentially. How was
| that?" Rural boarder-blew it out,
| you know. We just discovered him in
time" How did he look?n He looked
gassed- 'FRONT.' - Washington
Capital.
Mrs. N. Peck-'They had an awful
time across the way this afternoon.
| Nathan. The man came home drunk
and kicked his wife out of the house
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