Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-10-25
STUFF And NONSENSE.
4 sFRIEEEa - wbaIe.s.

8 STRIKING taIe-bhe whales.
A PLACE for 1swyers-the Siouz
Reservation.
GRAVE diggers are said TO do work
that Is beneath them.
The tailor hopes to succeed by
clothes attention to business.
To blowers: Never put off till to-
morrow what you can WOO to-day.
THE coal dealer sometimes, by mis-
take, gives the cart driver a weigh.
A BooTLEss attempt-To get up
stairs without being heard by your
vile.
THE man with a boil on his neck
never bOrrOWs trouble. He has enough
Of It.
DIoK-Going on any fishing trips
this summer? Jack-EO; L swore OFF.
Fishing Drinking.
TIE weII-bred woman says please
to her servants, and sometimes to her
husband if there's anybody around.
A TEXAS COW has died from eating
corn with full grown beard. Men
with full grown beard have died be-
fore now from drinking it.
Mrs. SoURFACE-I hear Mrs. De
Sweets husband is just devoted to
her. Mrs. SharptOngue-H He is ? Yell,
well! There amt many such men.
FATHER, said Willie, who had Just
been corrected, chat strap is heredi-
tary, isn't it 2" II don't know that it
is. " "But it descends from father to
son, doesn't it ?"
TOMMY Cwbo has been forgotten until
nearly eleven o'clock)-Paw, what is
jify? Father-It's just about the
length OF time you've got to get to bed
without a licking.
IT is seriously stated that it takes a
fly a twO-biliOnth part Of a second to
wink. If a mans wink was as sudden
as hy's he would never get anything
but plain soda at the fountain in a
drugstore.
A PERTINENT question: Il would
like to ask you question, said a gen
tIeman to a fellow who was spreading
himself over four seats in a crowded
railway car. what is it ?" "What
brand Of nerve food do you use?"
TRA1IP-Will your Iadyship help
poor man who is afflicted with a terri
bic disease which prevents him from
working? Lady-POor man, here's a
quarter. What is your disease? Tramp
(pocketing the mOney)-Laziness mum,
laziness.
Mrs. NEwMARRIED-Wh one of
your friends has had triplets BON to
him? Mr.. Newmarried-NOne of them,
my dear. Why? Mrs. Newmarket
! Nothing, only L heard you say in your
sleep, SCOT three of a kind, have you
/ Well, that beats me"
D.-THAT's a very funny old cane
/ you have got there. I'd like to buy it
from you. Cant sell it. It is an
old family heirloom. I wouldn't sell
it for anything in the world. My
| great-grandfatAer used to maui my
| grandmother with it.
FIRST Newly orker-So you saw the
| Paris Exposition. I suppose you are
| glad you saw it? Second New orker
Yes, indeed. was bIed very r,uch
and had to put up with many i'm yosi-
/ tiOns. In fact 1 am so happy to get
/ home that am glad I went.
COUSIN Jane-And doesn't Peter
stay at home any night of the week
! Why, he followed you over half the
continent before you gave your con-
sent. Young wife-I know it, my dear
| Haven't you heard before of a woman
marrying a man to get rid of him?
The average man: Wife - You
missed the baby greatly while we were
away, didn't you? Husband-Yes
couldn't sleep at all for while, till I
put q sawhorse and wheeIbarroW in the
bed and hired a man to play the &C
Gordon in the room Memphis
AUdLGq1Cbe.
NEW TTTLE FOR THE COCKTAIL.
The man who was -Out pretty late with the
boys"
The advice Of his better-haH scorning,
Whom a turbulent stOmache and headach au-
nOy5,
Goeth forth for his horn in the morning,
But it is not cocktail he calls for today;
Addressing the Hlive-saver" mixer
He says: Il feel thirsty; so hurry, I prey
And give me my morning elixir"