The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1889-09-12
W.T. AND IIUMOR.

A prize-6ghter buys his victory by
the pound-Boston Gazette.
The favorite string instrument of a
discriminating beans.-Tecds SJt-
ings.
The man who ought to:listen and learn
usually does most of the talking
Atcbison Globe.
The stamp window of any post-office
is sort of Lick obseryatory.-Roc
ter ErpreSs.
1t is already limited that the Earl of
Flies bride calls him "tootsie. -
YonkerS Statesman.
The potato is said to be collaborating,
but it made many a mash in its better
days.-Terre HGute Express.
It is the sins of other people that
self-appointed rcformers make the most
fuss about.-NesO Orleans Picayu3le.
When IA man wants to find fault he
will do so even if he has to be up all
night looking for it.-Richnlomd Re-
e0rder.
Society at seaside resort is not too
particulars. 1t is easy to get in the
swim-wfth any sort of bathing dress.
-Acs0 Orleans Picayune.
When washerwoman changes her
place of residence one may ask her
s'where she hangs out now" without
asing slang. -BostOn Courier.
TIE act of swimming furnishes an
exception to the rule that kicking
operates against man getting along
in the world. Binghdnlpton Republi-
| can.
What's your business?
| Patient-i sing in the ''Mikado.
Physician--Ahl you need change Of
air. Try some other opera.-H Grper's
Bdzar.
Perriwink-Aw, Mr.. Hardhead, is il
true that eigawetts affect the bwain
Mr.. Hardhead-No. Those who have
brains do not smoke cigarettes. Boston
| Herald.
| What becomes of the old pianosi
| Well some unfortunate fellows mex
door neighbor buys one for torture
| while others are sent TO the heathen.-
Neto York Journal.
When the cashier girdeth up his
Ioins and feeth in the silence and dark
ness of the night, then doth the ex
checker depart with the exchequer.-
Terre Haute Express.
Araminta-"You put your arm
around my waist so gracefully
George George-'.I have had lots o
practice. / was 3 street-car conductol
five years. Life.
Mrs. Magnus-I think travel broad
ems one; don't you think so, Mrs. Lofty
Mrs. Lofty-O. la! yes. Why, / gair
ten or fifteen pounds every time l 60 to
Yurrup. DraEe's Magazine.
Deacon Drybones Enthusiastically
does not this congregational singing
stir you up? Prof. Note Ga musician
Stir me up? Indeed it does. Makes
me swear.-NelO York Weekly.
Bobby-Ma, I've pretty near out
grown my slippers, haven't /? Nam
ma-Yes, Bobby. Bobby--And say
ma, how long will it be before I out
grow your slippersg- Omaha World.
If s.coming events cast their shadow
before" said Johnny just after he hat
been severely trounced by his irats
parent, ssthe occurrence leaves il;
mark behind. - Philadelphia Press.
Yeast-Don't you think Crimson
beak has q taking way about him
Bacon-Most decidedly do. / neve
knew any one to ask him when b.
didn't take something. - Yoskers States
man.
IL the grass about 8 rural resi-
denee attains considerable hight ant
remains uncut it would seem toierabll
safe TO assume that the owner Of tn
ipremises is no mower. = Detrca IRE
Press.
Satan (as the portculIis) Who ar
you? Lost souI-In the other world
was q female novelist Of the croft
school Satan-Go to- It's hot enough
down here already. NesO York SIN.
I The English sparrows have aImos
exterminated the sErens, orioles, an,
meadow larks. and IN I've wears NOR
the keno goose will be about the onI
native bird left Detroit Free Press,
/ Committeeman Before engaofnl
you for our pastorate We should lik
TO know If you can preach withou
notes. Pastor-No, sir. Bank note
are necessity with me- Dsai
World.
s.Aamma,r said 3 little girl, .syol
Il know the story IN our reader ab0a
the King who never smiled againP4
Eyes. dear. sssFsli. does that meal
that be signed the pledgsP = Washfng
Ion cafsisak.
HRS. Woodbee- Don't you think
bzr. Cleft. that our modern composer
appropriate many Of tbe melodies 0
tie cider Innsicians2 MIR. CleH- Yes
they assume = good many airs
Brg0kzuI5 CtsizeA.