The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1889-06-27
TOO MANY WIVES.
THE EXPERIENCE OF A YOUNG
ATTORNEY IN UTAH.
Marriage on the Joint Stock Plan not
the kind he Wanted.
~. Il. REED in Texas Siftings.l

~. II. REED in Texas Siftings.]
A young lawyer of Evanston, Wyo-
ming, recently went over to Ogden,
Utah, to invest some Of his surplus
bullion in corner lots, and after looking
over the twon few hours, he walked |
up to the new union depot and was
standing on the platform, when a train
load of Mormon emigran,s arrived.
They had been sent from Europe, and
before starting, all the women had
been sssealed" to different Mormons,
who live in 'the laughing valleys of
the promised land" as Utah is called
by the "chosen.''
AS an extra inducement to get them
to come, the missionaries had told al
most every woman that the particular
saint to whom she was sealed was young
and handsome, and when the train
pulled into Ogden there were many
pairs of female eyes on the lookout for
the handsome men who were to be
their husbands, and as the lawyer was
the only good looking man on the
platform, lot of them had him spot
ted before they got off the cars. The
train had scarcely stopped when fat
Swede girl waddled up to him, threw
her arms around his neck and said:
ooh, Yames! my Yames am your
own wife. l know SO soon see you
dat you vas Yames johnson"
"My name is not Johnson, my good
woman, and if you are my wife | must
have married you during the political
campaign, for l don't remember it,
said the young lawyer, rather nettled.
The maid from Sweden had scarce
ly gone, when two hundred pound
German woman folded him to her
ample bosom and called him "Huss-
ban, hussban', and she had nearly
ruined his shirt front before he could
make her understand that he was not
the man she had crossed the ocean 70
love, honor and obey on the joint
stock company plan. No sooner had
he freed himself from her, than he was
raptuously embraced by freckle-faced
daughter of Erin, who said:
"Arrah now, an it's duckydarlint
We are for sure, for sure; an it's glad
woman I'd be this day if | had jour
neyed even to the moon to meet ye-
kiss yer own mavourneen.
!, The lawyer said: "Madam, look at
me! l weigh less than 14o pounds,
and too small to be husband to the
women of all nations. have hugged
the Sundav-school girls of Des Moines,
made love to the giggling caricatures
f Of Omaha, held the cultured daughters
of Denver in my lap for hours at a
stretch, and am trying to do the
: square thing by the girls over at Evans
. ton, but when you try to crowd the
hordes of unmarried women from
overhowing Europe into my bed and
, board, | must kick. | don't want tc
t get corner on wives, SO you must ex
5 cuse me from allowing you to be hon
f ored by being the mother of my future
heirs and to avoid the rush o
: women who wanted to hug him, hi
S went into the waiting room. There
S was only one person in the room,
S very pretty French girl, and in les:
S than a minute she had swarmed arount
), him, wrapped her arms twice arount
z his neck, and lisped:
l :sOui, my Apollo, my lofely Apollo
S KEGS me, KEGS me! Oh, shall die Ga
1 de lote for you-kees me, KEGS me !
S The young attorney got very muc
t excited and struggled hard to free him
: self from her clinging embrace. H
said:
e "Mademoiselle, l am willing to ad
t NIT that you are handsome for all
e know you may be as pure and guileles
as a commercial traveller, and you ma
: not have cold feet, but l really can
) marry you. l am not Turk l don
Il keep a harem / am not trying to emu
). late the example of Solomon, an
r, wouldn't know how to use millio
n concubines in my business if I ha
j. them," and he rushed frantically OF
o of the room and boarded passin
" street car that was about half-flle
with people. A very pleasant-lookin
n woman who thought she knew hlr
lr bowed to him but he motioned he
n away and he said:
o mo you don't, no you don't. Yo
@ don't come soldering over my nee
II and talking spooney to me, for won
have it. would rather achieve hug
:! ging than have hugging thrust upo
Is me, and YOU"
D.: The lady's husband, who was al:
st in the car, sternly demanded an e,
ut planation, but the lawyer kicked hi
E. off the car, made all the passenge
se get out, scared the driver into a Fl
~ and then went madly cavorting dow
10 the street yelling:
I'd s.Millions for celibacy but not o.
i'll cent for marriage! Whoop! Marrial
v, is a failure with no assets and t
ed cashier in Canada. Whoop! bril-
me a Mormon apostle till aSSaSsina