Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-03-01
SOME FUNNY FANc,r

JUNE roNNi fANClES
RICH relatives are like vino
grow dearer with age.
The "Maiden's Prayer usual.
something to do with a him.
"NLY dear wife," murmured
familias as he looked at the dra.l
er's bill.
The borrowest man to this ,
the one in Manhattanville who "
to borrow a friends tombstone
PAT1ENr-Doctor, I can't
nights. What shall I do? Gst /
sition somewhere as night watcbm']
THERE is said to be veterins,s
geon in Albany who has grown NJ
pert that he can tell the age Of s -
by looking at its teeth.
CONSISTENCY, thou art a level. j
enough; but thou standeth an e,,]
ingly poor show when the other n
can afford q diamond ring.
Miss PARENTALsTEM Gage a.
you are going to get married At \
Pauline? Pauline Yes, dear. 7 M
think it was about time; you knor
"a.
You've wife Cat a babylon ar.
proving wonderfully as dancer +
you remember how you used to tea,
dresses? Young husband - va,
wasn't buying 'em then.
MADAM Ito applicant)-Where
your last place? Applicant
hospital, mem. Madam-Were "a
nurse there? Applicant-No, men
was a smallpox patient.
SM1rH-You say the speculatiop
proved a failure? Jones-A total
ure. SMITH thought you said hi
was q fortune in it. Jones NJ
groan)-So there is. Mine is isfl
MINE eyes have seen the gobIls,] \
his Uranium in the dark, a prehist,
turkey that came over in the All,
boarders break their molars as
chew the patriarch, but their bill,
marching on.
Mrs. HopEFuL-Is my boy i'm,
ing any? Professor of penmanst
He is getting worse. His writing is
so bad no living soul can read it. "
lovely! The darling! He'll be
author some day."
Mrs. Brown (who has boarde
And how is Mr.. Smith getting al
Mrs. SMITH fear he is pastreco
For the last two weeks he has
scarcely enough to keep a robin
Mrs. Brown (unconsciously)-Is
lovely!
THEIR brand Of breath: Repres
tive Martin, of Texas, recently
loped reporter because the latter
that he blew out the gas in his I
He should have gloried in the assel
It isn't every politician who dar
monkey with the gas with his BIZ
WOMAN Cooking at a house to
4 don't fancy these windows on
side. The people in the next
can look in here and see anything
going on. Landlord-If you wal
house, madam, I'll have the win
boarded up. "How on earth CO
see into their windows then? 2"
BACK NUMBERS.
The bald-headed man in his family pew
Leaned back on the cushion and slumb
And he dreamed that the preacher these
had proclaimed:
sThe hairs of your head are all number
The bald headed man awoke with start
From his weekly. devotional slumbers
Then he sank on his knees and fervently
20 Lord send me down the back numb
Judge.
II DECLARED exclaimed Mrs.
as she vainly endeavored to disse'
turkey, IF you are not the poorest 4
do marketing. This turkeys as
Methuselah. Possibly" replied
unabashed; "but, my dear, it is a il
bird, and courtesy to the sex prev
me from inquiring about her age
MILLIONAIRE Ito old and poor cl
You ought to drop your bad ha
Smith. Ifyou'd stop taking that s
of beer every day you'd have SIS?
a year. Go on that way for hun
years and there'll be 1852 in bal
nothing happens. Then put thu
some good stock, and if all goes
you'll make money. That's the
people get rich.
FASHIONED FOR THE WEALTHY