The Hawaiian gazette., 1889-09-10
VARIETY.

the Browning point that Boston
housewife will serve baked beans.
Pedestrian Ito applicant for char
ity): Go shoot yourselfl' GuZzle,
the Tramp sadly: i amt loaded"
Stayner witnessing the prepare
ton of for the SUMMER" Godsby
struggling with innumerable boxes) /:
No; ID for II"
The Toronto Globe tells of a man
who has cooked his own breakfast
for fifteen years. He must like 1t
very well done.
Somewhat Otherwise - She - 1
wouldn't marry you for $4,000. He
But 1 have $4,000. She-Oh,
well. that's different.
Clara: What terrible noise
that wagon makes" George: " Yes.
Its dreadful. isn't it," What
makes ii groan so, George? "
Why. It IS filed with green
apples."
Superintendent OF an electric rail
way TO applicant for a position) ::
What Is your name?" Applicant:
Wood. sir" You want to be APP
pointed conductors" Yes, sir"
Cant take you. sir" why not?'
Electric experts say that Wood Is q
poor conductor"
DO you belong to the Salvation
Army he asked OF q stern-visaged
woman who stood at his side. NO,
sir, l do not. But in this genera
ton Of tired men," she added, with a
whitening glance at the row of sit
ting males, 4 seem to belong TO
the standing army She got a
seat"
s teacher asked her class in geo
graphy where the Turks live. The
remarkable reply was: In the
woods" Thinking the people had
confounded the 0rientals with the
aborigines, the answer was pro-
nounced 10 be incorrect" The
pupil rejoined: well, l have seen
them there roosting in the trees"
Romantic Spinster: Excuse me,
sir, but Is not this the spot where
that beautiful girl fell into the water
last summer, and was so CALAMITY
rescued by the gentleman who after
wards married her. Practical
Bachelor giving her a penetrating
glancel: Yes, ma'am; but l can't
swim"
Here Is an old salts story of how
he got a glass of grog:-When at the
wheel Captain South says: How
does she head?" Southeast by
sOuth-half-south, a little southerly,
Captain South" - Put another s. to
that. my man, and you shall have
glass Of grog," says the captain.
- Southeast by south-half-south,
little southerly, Captain South, sir"
The grog came.
i widow called at a sculptor's
studio to see the clay model of the
bust Of her husband. Il can change
It in any particular that you may
desire" he said The widow looked
al Il with fearful eyes. The nose
Is large" she remarked. "a large
nose Is . sign Of goodness" said the
artist. The widow wiped away her
tears. and sobbed: well, then,
make 1t little larger"
An Irish gentleman was recently
attended by an eminent London
physician, who, pausing and looking
at him with an inquiring glance,
said: = I should like to know, sir, if
your family have been long-lived?"
~Long-lived, is it?" responded the
patient thoughtfully. = Well, doc
tor, I'll Just tell you how it is. Our
family Is West of Ireland family,
and the age of my ancestors de-
pended entirely on the judge and
Jury who tried themi"
Lord Lonsdale, who was reputed
to have the largest family of
daughters among the English arts
tocracy. was once taking a walk at
B, German watering place, with
his six Oldest daughters. Two other
visitors followed at a little distance,
and one Of them remarked, in an
undertone: Alas, poor man." But
the lord, who had overheard the
observation, turned round and re-
piled, with gentle emphasis: Not
so poor as you think, sir; 1 have
SIX other daughters at homer
The London Lancet says: Child
ren who are allowed to 60 bare
footed enjoy almost perfect immunity
from the danger of cold by acct
dental chilling of the feet, and they
are altogether healthier and happier
than those who, IN obedience to the
usages of social life, have their lower
extremities permanently invaded,
and, so to say, carefully swathed and
put away IN rigid cases. As regards
the poorer classes of children, there
can be no sort of doubt in the mind
Of anyone that it is incomparably
better they should go barefooted
than wear boots that let IN the wet,
and stockings that are nearly always
damp and foul"