The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1889-09-26
A MISPLACED PARROT.
The Mischief Wrought by One
Teathered Friend.


Teathered Friend.
II there is one thing in this world I
hate it is parrot. Had Edgar Poe
known my experiences he would have
called his famous poem THE Parrot"
No raven was ever such a ''bird or
fend." in my case, as was gray
parrot My wrongs are all revivified
by that execrated phrase. Maledic-
ton on the race!
was always an enthusiastic ass in
one thing. My cynical friend Badger,
who, on the strength of having once
(probably during the temporary in
sanity of the sub-editor left in charge)
got an article which he said was
original into the Scarifier, sets up for
satirist, says zone thing is a need
less limitation. Let that pass. NY
enthusiasm took the form of volunteer
ing to execute commissions for ladies.
Of course l speak of my salad days.
And were 1 frivolous like Badger l
might add, pretty mess my salad
turned out. But so it was. And when
a man is in love he very frequently be-
comes a greater fool than Carlyle
could have imagined. And 1 was in
love-deeply and devotedly, with every
prospect of happiness-till an accursed
fowl ruined all my chonces.
What a pretty creature Alice Hill
stone was! Tall and rounded, hands
and feet like an Andalusian' S, eyes of
the darkest brown, hair raven-hued.
lips like cherries and walk like
Juno's! l saw her and loved her. And
she loved me. At any rate she said
she did when got her and that old
witch of a mother of hers a card for
Lady Highayer' dance, through young
HighAyer having borrowed my half
years salary to pay hiseaccount after
the Derby day, and my representing,
like an ass again. this card would be
luid pro quo, and, indeed, from then
till now it is the only liquidation of
the debt he has ever suggested or will
suggest.
Mrs. Hillstone was we'll off but vul-
gar. Not in society; they lived in
Bloomsbury in a big gaudilyfurnished
house and had as commonplace a set
Of stupid acquaintance as a man could
we'll do penance by associating with.
But Alice made up for all. was in a
government Office of rather an exclu
sivc kind (and that's about all l have
to thank my influential relatives for),
and had the entree to some good houses.
spent most of my spare time at
Bloomsbury, and dined there very often,
enduring the conversation of Mrs. Hill
stones late husbands city friends and
the vulgarities OF their ostentatious
wives and daughters till really won.
dered wasn't turned into a CONNER
cial man. 1 bated-oh. how hated
the very name of the bank rate of alder.
men, of "warm'' people, of floating
companies par" and all the rest of it.
None of them knew any thing about
the opera, the Academy, tie scandals
of the day or the society papers. And
knew nothing of their jargon and hated
their odor of money. But Alice, the
Incompatible, was like violet amid
nettles. and l knew she ultimately
would inherit the Bloomsbury and
other houses. to say nothing of some
consols, for had examined the pro
bate of the defunct Hillstone's will-s
tact which kept to myself, however.
Well, things went on very satisfac
rily, when one day to my sorrow thu
conversation turned on bids. and Mrs
Hillstone said she had heard of won
derful parrot from one of her city
friends which the owner would no
part with. Somewhere in the wilds O.
Bethnal Green this individual lived
and had refused offers innumerable fo
ais peerless bird; land Mr.. Philton.
continued my prospective mother-in
law. I'D give any thing if l could 'av'
such bird. Moneys no objeck, yo1
know, with me when do ave a fancy
which l 'aven't many, but l don't know
how to set about it,
My asinine enthusiasm was aroused
''Mrs. Hillstone, said l, IF that par
rot is to be got, I'll get it.!''
you will?" said the old lady, de
lightedly, "well. now, that's what
call business!" And Alice smiled be
witchingly, and intoxicated by he
glorious eyes. l vowed to explore tn
far East and secure this phoenix of par
rots. Again permit me to say with tn
Moor: 30 fool! fool! fool!'
Bcthnal Green on a wet day is abo,,
as cheering an experience as tina
which the conventional Frenchma1
thinks presented by Waterloo bridg
in November. Through maze of sor
did and crowded streets wended m,
+. unwilling way, with many doubts as t
the route and not a few remarks, b
no means soto voce, on the natives
part on my appearance, and the glas
in my eye. which seemed to act o.
them as an irritant. Ultimately in
very grimy street with many stalls o.
] suppose, vegetable produce. foun
the shop where the parrot was fo
4 To- n>,,> Il