Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1889-02-19
AN ART OF FALLING.
A Professor Who Teaches tho Science al
Slipping Down Gracefully.
TSt. Paul Pioneer Press.l

[St. Paul Pioneer Press.l
With the thermometer at twenty de.
grees below zero he stood rather thinly
clad on Third street, near Robert. He
stood in meditative attitude. He did not
seem like the ordinary loafer waiting for q
humanitarian to heave in sight, from
whom he might beg a nickel or two to ere.
lieve the suferings of a starving family. I"
He really seemed to have business there.
although from his manner no one would
guess what it was. The place he chose
was near slipping place in the sidewalk,
and one pedestrian after another walking
along as they began to approach this spot
began to pick their way carefully. If they
were surefooted they would get over the
place all right. If not, they would tum-
BILE. Our stranger seemed to be watching
them, and as each one fpassed he would
look at him intently, and as one and an
other would fall he would murmur, "Very
good" OF ''Not SO bad" or "E1ceedingly
clumsy"
WHAT'S this you're doing?" was asked.
fI'm watching these people fall" he re =
piled. Ppm learning the best way of do
ing the thing artistically, and when have
got the pointer require l shall open a
school TO teach the art of falling down. Do
you tum?"
81 beg pardon"
81 mean, do you tumble"'
"Not very frequently. I wear overshoes,
and haven't had over two or three severe
falls this win"
''No, no; mean, do you catch on to the
racket? Do you gssher my meaning? Do
you comprehend my ratiocinations?"
"Oh! yes. You propose to accumulate
wealth by showing people how to perform
the contorton act on slippery sidewalks in
polite and refined manner"
"Yes. Now you watch here with me.
Two people out OF every twenty fall as
they go past this place. There's a man
approaching that will go down. He comes
past here three times day, and the third
time, about $50 p. H., he always
falls. You'll hear him swear in
oaths not loud but deep. See,
he never minds the slippery place
comes up 'sthough he never saw it be-
fore. Now his feet begin, to slide around.
Now he waves his hands wildly in the air,
A convulsive kick with the left foot, YOU
see, and ali is over, and he lies prone on
the sidewalk, promiscuous, miscellaneous
bit of swearing humanity"
1t was very badly done. His left knee
struck the sidewalk first and he'll walk
stiff-legged for week. If he had let him.
self go when he knew he was falling, re-
Taxed all his muscles, and struck the side
walk with seven or eight points of his
anatomy at once, no part would have been
bruised. by the way" as this listener
drew note book, 'ff you're a reporter,
hope you won't print any more in your
paper concerning the condition o. our
sidewalks, for don't you see if the ordi-
nances should be enforced, and the side
walks cleared of snow and ice, my occupa-
ton would be gone. Now l can give YOU
some more interesting points. There is a
difference between fat and lean people in
this matter of falling. A fat man, for in.
stance
But just then the fire. alarm sounded.
which closed the interview.
Why She Loved His Preaching.
One Sunday, as certain Scottish minister
was returning homeward, he was accosted
by an old woman, who said: Oh, sir, well
do like the day that you preach The
minister was aware that he was not very
popular, and he answered: my good wo1n-
an, am glad to hear it. There are too
few like you. And why do you ike the
DAY when l preachr' "Oh, SIR she re-
piled, "when you preach always get good |
seat