Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-08-09
HU1f0R
E5TInE fortune on the poor,y7iII ,frsy7Frs
How small to live their chance igl
Soon as the price OF coal goes down.
The nrina Of ice aEvancss

Soon as the price of coal goes down,
The price Of ice advances.
THE girls do like to go to the base
ball games so much. They are sure to
see some good Catches" there,
TANNING by electricity is being much
talked of as an und0ubted success. But
for domestic uses, the slipper is moro
convenient.
JONES (serious)-I like the fashion
of saying grace before dinner Brown
frivolous $50 dol. Tt gives time for
the soup to cool.
THE corset, though rallied against
by few dFess-reformers VIII not go.
1t has q good grip on its wearers, and,
as 1t were, has come to stay.
EASTERN man On Oklahoma lis this
your claim? Boomer-You bet. Have
you done any planting ?" PLANTED
three menl Move on. now
HE-What lovely hair Miss Mason
has. But Is it her own? She (rather
jealously)-O, yes. / was with her
and recommended that shade.
SARAH BERNHARDr has at last struck
the role she had been growing up for.
She has made a hit as Lena In the
French adaptation of s. As In a Looking
Glass. A Lena actress than Sarah
does not exist.
ATHERE is nothing sensational about
Mary" said Mrs. Palmer. Even when
her lover is with her they sit far apart. -
yes" spoke up little Harry, as long
as you are in the room.
Mr.. SMIrHERs Cof PHILADELPHIA, at a
Boston reception Her voice reminds
me Of our Independence bell. Mr..
Bean-Ah! has true ring, you mean?
Mr.. Smlthers-NO; it's cracked.
A wo1EAN vino scrubs,
Over lRthery tubs
Tho not Of q bibulous mind,
Has no cause to faint
If folks make a com plain6
OF her having ~three sheets in the wind"
FATHER-Don't you know better, sir,
than to contradict your mother? Son
| But she Is wrong as to both facts and
| conclusions. "No matter; she'll never
admit it. If 1 can't convince her of
anything there is no use Of trying"
/ Z miss STAaEsTRUCK-D you know.
sir, when I recite, am almost carried
/ away by my feelings. I forget every
/ thing but the part. The very audience
seem to disappear. Manager (whO has
heard her recite)-Can you blame
/ them?
CoLoRED preacher-Zeke} s'pose de
/ good Lawd should KUN down an LUX
! inter yer eye an say, Ezekiel, what hab
/ you done wild all desc chickens dat yer
/ hab stOled ?" What would yer say
| Zeke-Mistah Benson, I mought say
dat my old CONAN cooked EN-, but you
! knows dat man amt bound ter tes-
/ tify ag'in his wife.
SOMETHING IN THE EYE.
what have you in your eye2"
Said TOms Il have a sty,
In my eye"
@And I've a girl" said I,
Then when years had FASTENED by,
How wish excuse this sigh
That Tom had the girl, not /
And in place I had the sty,
Yankee Blade.
"THE public be bIamed!" growIed
the plumber. "They have cheap coal
in summer and cheap ice in winter, and
yet they grumbIe and sp1utter because
| they can't have things cheap all the
time. John, discharge that journey
man. There hasn't been a break in
any of his pipe-wOrk for six months
He's meant for politician, he is, and
not for plumber"
AN Oxford County parson tells US
this: A young Methodist minister had
made application to the Conference for
a license. He was highly recommend
ed by the presiding elder, whom the
Bishop asked about the applicants
preaching abilities. Have you ever
heard him ?" asked the Bishop. "NO,
sir, replied the presiding elder. 81
have never heard him, but he heard
me twice, and he stood it like q hero. "
The license was Gzsanted.