San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-06-05
Mr.. AND MRS. BoWssR.
1t Is Not Every Man Who Can Put Up a
Door Screen.

The other morning / asked Mr.. BoWSer II he
wouldn't send up a carpenter to hang the
screen door to the kitchen, and, after mo-
ment's thought he replied:
I'm in no hurry this morning and I'll hang
it myself"
But it's got to have spring on, you
know"
"WeH, what of it!'
"Can you-you"-
''If can't | want to be knocked on the
head for an idiot I've put on more door and
gate springs than you've got hairs in your
head"
He got the door down from the loft, and
after running up and down and backwards
and forwards for half an hour his assortment
of tools consisted of two saws an augur,
brace and bit, plane, screw driver and
screws, a square, compass, inter box and a
tape line
Does it require all those tools to hang a
screen doorF queried.
1T may and it may not" he replied.
Can assist you in any wayf'
Can you assist mel Mrs. Bowser, you
talk as if you didn't regard me as half baked !
When want your valuable assistance I'll
send you word on a postal card!'
retired in good order and remained out of
sight twenty minutes. When | returned he
had the door on and seemed very well salts
fed
You'll have to make a slight change in
that, Mr.. Bowser."
"Howf"
you've hung it top to bottom"
II have, ehl I'll bet you 100000 to a
cent haven't"
"WeIl, look at the knob and the catch and
holdings on the panels"
He was fairly beaten, and he realized it,
but instead of acknowledging the corn he
looked at it for moment and then quietly
said:
II slipped it on that way to see if you
would notice it, but you'd have let it pass if
hadn't called your attention to it"
In the course of half an hour he made the
change and was putting on the spring when
came back. He had never put q spring on
door in his life, and it would not have de-
tracted from his dignity to ask my advice,
but he would have died first. He measured
for it and began to bore a hole for the screen,
After he had worked for two or three min
utes | asked:
Mr.. Bowser, which way are you turning
that gimletT
What do you mean?' he demanded, as he
stopped work.
you have been turning to the left"
"Of course l have! Whoever heard of
turning boring tool any other way"
Il have. You may work all day that
way and not accomplish anything. That
gimlet and all other gimlets turn to the
right"
They do, eh2 What smart wife have!
You had better deliver a series Of lectures on
mechanism"
will you turn to the right"
mo, ma'amw
He bored and bored, determined not to
give in, and at length Ipushed him aside,
and turned the gimlet to the right and had
it into the wood in no time
Didn't tell you SO, Mr.. Bowser"
well, the man who made that gimlet de-
serves state prison! It's the first one | ever
saw that turned to the right, and | had seen
millions of them before you were born"
Can you put the spring on aloneP
Mrs Bowser," he answered, after glaring
at me in chilled steel way for half a min
ute, perhaps | ought to be in the idiot asy-
lum, and perhaps do know enough to come
in when it rains. You will oblige NE very
much by going into the house and knocking
that squalling young 'un on the head"
1t was half an hour before dared make
an excuse to get out again. By that time
Mr.. Bowser had the spring on, but the door
stood open instead of shut He was standing
in a deep study.
IL know what ails it, Mr. Bowser."
How shrewd!"
When you frightened the spring up you
turned it to the right That throws the door
open. If you'll tighten to the left, the door
will spring shut"
He sat down on the steps and looked at me
with twelve different shades of irony and sar
casm in his expression, and finally deigned to
reply:
"Whcre did you learn all you knowr'
"Wil you fix that spring as | tell yOu"
NO ma'am, | won't! I've been looking it
over, and know where the trouble is. lisa
spring for a left hand door. | should have
seen it at the outset if you hadn't been both
ering around"
Il can make that spring work on this door,"
Mrs. Bowser, wouldn't have your con-
ceit for no money. No wonder you haven't a
single friend in this neighborhood.
Il have all want, and can fix that spring
in two minutes"
Never! You simply want an opportunity
to break it, You'd tear the whole kitchen
down for the sake OF carrying your point
Go in and maui that bowling baby some
more"
grabbed the wrench from his hands, loOs
ened the spring and then turned it the other
way, and loI the door shut and was held stiff
in its place, as was designed.
"There MIR. Bowser!"
There whatI'
THE spring shuts the door"
IL don't see it."
IIp,,+ loolyt MD VOL, o,yar Saa n door v-orly