The Portland daily press., 1889-03-02

A mans wife should always be the
same, especially to her husband, but IL sne Is
weak and nervous, and uses Carter's Iron Pills,
she cannot be, for they make her "feel like
different person." so they all say, and their hus
bands say so tool
Hercules Samson c'the strongest man In the
WORLDLY There therei Drop that! drop that
Get out of here! must insist madam, that you
shall keep your baby outside the ropes. must
And sthe strongest man In the world" relieves
the child OF a "1000-pound" weight, and puts II
out OF reach.
For the relief and cure Of the Inflammation
and congestion called "cold 10 the head" there
is more potency in Ely's Cream Balm than In
anything else it is possible 10 prescribe. This
preparation has for years past been making
brilliant success as a remedy for cold In the head,
catarrh and hay fever. Used in the initial stages
of these complaints Cream Balm prevents any
serious development of the symptoms. while al
most numberless cases are on record of radical
cures of chronic catarrh and hay fever after all
other modes of treatment have proved Of no avail.
phy's9
agin. M UG
Mrs Noonan-The name, dorthy haste. Youz
men are all aloik, though; but If liver youz try TO
smash me. the Lord hip yeZi
Noonann-T THAR, thar, nouw; II liver want to
smash youz ken do 1t aisy enough wdout the
Lord hilpin' me.
"The Best Laid Plans of Mice and
Gang aft aglee." Not so Hostetter's Stomach
Btters 1t goes right to the spot 1t is designed to
benefcially affect, and there is no hardness In its
action. But while it relieves constipation in COM
mon with dyspepsia and liver complaint-asso-
ciate evils-the gripping and abdominal distur-
bance produced by drastic purgatives never pre-
cede its operation. Its thoroughness is unmarried
by violence, the chief characteristic of most laxa
tives, and one that is highly prejudicial to both
bowels and stomach. 1t is only by invigorating
the intestinal canal and thus fitting it to perform
its Office natural sluice for the effete matter
OF the SYSTEM that its regularity can be perpetu-
ated. To weaken by drenching is to insure its
relapse into disorder. This the Bitters never
does. Chills and fever. nervousness, kidney CON-
plants yield to the Bitters, and appetite are i'm
The Same Bird:
"Are there any pnnated grouse In this vicin-
ity?" inquired the thin, scholarly-looking man
with the elegant rifle on his shoulder.
Never heerd of any," said the Nebraska farm
er, "and I've lived h'yur IL years.
The New England professor, who was taking
vacation out West climbed YEARLY aboard the
train again for point 100 miles farther west
ward, the locomotive soaring up prairie chickens
m clouds as it moved swiftly off.
Get well and stay well. But how shall we do it?
Listen my friend, and the secret I'll tell,
Though, for that matter, there's no secret to it,
AS many man understands very WELL
If you're low-spirlted, gloomy, depressed.
If nothing tastes good and your nights bring no
rest,
If your stomach is foul aud your mouth seems
much fouler,
And 20 cross you become that they call you a
''growler"
Be sure that the trouble Is due to your liver.
And the blood is as sluggish as sometimes river
Becomes when it's filed with all manner of stuff.
Clear it out and the current runs smoothly enough
Go to the drug store and get a bottle of DIR.
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, the great
blood-purifer and liver inyigorator. Il is sure
cure for the low spirits and general depression
man feels when his liver is inactive and his blood
impure. This remedy makes man well.
The worst Nasal Catarrh, no matter OF how
long Standing, is permanently cured by DIR. Sage's
Catarrh Remedy.
Mrs. Parson Jones-Theres your shirt. It's
mended. You've shown pretty temper about
broken buttonhole.
Parson- But
Wife-Oh, I'd scold some more If were in your
place.
Parson-well, T.
wife-A sermon on patience as domestic vir-
tuei. Umphl / hope your congregation will en-
Joy tt.-ChicagO Herald.