The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-09-14
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Some juries in murder trials are SO
soft-hearted that they wouldn't hang a
barn door.
He (rejected)-"Well, you may go
further and fare worse" She-"Yes
can't be done around here. "-Munsey's
Weekly.
Put mosquitoes on duty Sundays
and they would beat policemen at the
work of finding open bars.-N. o.
Picayune.
The well-bred woman says please
to her servants, and sometimes to her
husband if there's anybody around
Somerville Journal.
Il live mostly within myself" said
conceited fellow. II understand"
replied his neighbor at the table; you
occupy fiat" Texas Siftings.
The prize simpleton of the season
Is the young man who goes away for
his health and spends his time smoking
cigarettes American.
The bathing-dress is leveller of
all distinctions. In a single scanty
garment there is no use of putting on
airs.-Martha's Vineyard Herald.
Mr.. Lytewaite Miss Crimple is
quite skillful with her spoon" Miss
Hightone (sweetly)-"O, yes; inher-
tied, you known. Her grandfather was
skillful with his shovel. Time.
The late Oliver Ditson left SIS, 1000
for the founding of home for poor
singers. But the sum is appallingly
inadequate. Fifteen millions wouldn't
house half of them.-Puck.
Husband OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
true it is, my dear, that the good that
men do is oft inferred with their bones"
Wife (not contemplatively)-"Yes, I
suppose there's SO little of it that it
isn't considered worth saving. IN. Y.
Sun.
There is only one way to secure
accuracy in our signal service bureau
said the Congressman. That way is
to compel the prophets to contine their
observations entirely to last months
weather. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Mrs. N. Peck.-"I ran across one
OF your old letters, to-day, Nathan,
where you said that you would rather
be in endless torment with me than be
in bliss by yourself" Mr.. N. Peck
"Well, l guess ] got my wish. -
Terre Haute Express.
See here, Mr.. Grocer" said a
Hartford housewife, ''if you are going
to bring me any more goods l want
them to be the very best" 1--WE keep
none but the best" Il presume so;
you must sell the worst in order to
keep the best. '-Hartford Post.
-Editor-"I wan you to take charge
of the Queries column" New man
(modestly)-"I fear [ can not answer
the questions our readers would ask"
so, yes you can. Most of the ques-
tions are from college graduates, and
they are easy.-N. Y. Weekly.
The publicity given to scandals
affecting people of no social conse-
quence whatever is much to be de-
plored, if only for the reason that it
gives them, so to speak. a ''conspicu-
BUSINESS to which they are not en-
titled, but upon which they tiaunt
about among their betters.
When a man milks his cow, puts
water in it, and sells it, he is fined;
but when men build railroad, water
the stock, they are elected Governor
or sent to Congress. to aid in enabling
tho Stoolx HI 1dars tn Uat lap0a diVi6en6S
on the water in the stock.-Iowa State
Register.
81 hear Brown has been taken to
the insane asylum since his failure
business troubles must have affected
his mind?" 80, yes, he's as crazy as a
loon-went around, don't you know,
after the crash and offered to settle
up for ninety cents on dollar. ~
Enoch