Fisherman & farmer. [volume] (Edenton, N.C.) 1887-19??, 1889-09-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Red hot-A boiled lobster.
The lovers favorite actor-Mari-us.
"The board of arbitration''-A single.
Riparion diseases-The cataracts of the
Nile.
The pretty housemaid is the lily of the
valet.
The original "salt union''-Neptune
and Amphitrite.
Smartness is knowing how to ''catch
on" wisdom, how to let go.
A poor widow-One who can't remain
unmarried any length of time.
An electric spark-Making love by
telegraph. Washington Capital.
A drill is a bore-especially to the Of
ficer in charge of the awkward squad
Life.
A John Mary Ann is the latest name for
man that pushes his baby about in
perambulatOr.
A good resolution is fine starting
point, but as terminus it has no value.
-Scranton Truth.
What a quiet, economical world we
would live in, if it were not for the move
ments of the under jaw!
''Does the wind always blow this way,
my good man?" ''No, it don't. Some
times it blows the other way"
One of the interesting experiments in
popular chemistry is when a youth feeds
his flame with ice-cream.-IInae.
*'What are you digging, dear?" ''Tm
going to plant mashed potatoes. I like
'em better than the other sort. "-Li7e.
There is always room at the top-and
when a small man gets there, he only
serves to set off the surrounding vacancy.
-Judge.
The most unfair thing that happens to
women is that engagements are SO short
and marriages SO long -Bjnghanat0o Re-
publican.
Remorse is a good deal like a wooden
leg. It may help you on your way, but
you always think how much happier you
would be without it.
IT'S the church-bell in the steeple
That to worship calls the people;
IT'S the church-belle in the choir
Calls the young men to admire.
--Jttdge.
The auctioneer is no more liable to in
sanity than anybody else, notwithstand-
ing the fact that he is almost continually
in more bid mental condition. = Wash
angtoa Capital.
A shoemaker hung out new sign, and
then wondered what passers-by found SO
amusing. His sign ran as follows:
''Don't go elsewhere to be cheated.
Walk in here. "-Neso York Tribune.
Prospective Tourist Ct am going
West because | have reason to believe
that it's good place to settle i'm Re-
turned Tourist-'I am not so sure of
that I lived there ten years myself, and
never paid a bill while was there. -
PHILADELPHIA Inquirer.
There was a little boy
whose name was Quick"
He knocked off some apples
With a stick.
The apples were SO good
That he ate q,
And now Gf he was good enough
He's in heaven.
-DansriUe freeze.
Simpson-"Well, my boy is through
college now, and guess will start him
in one of the professions" Sampson
1l1uh liz Will uIdhC d SOOO p11S SiCIdu.
Simpson-tWhy?" Sampson-''In the
next two years that boy is. going to have
as fine set of side whiskers as you ever
| saw. "-TeTre Haute Express.
John Loss Consulting clairvoyanO-
''My watch has been stolen, and l want
information that will lead to its recov-
cry" Clairvoyant Gross my palm
with silver dollar ct is done and the
clairvoyant falls into a trance.) Your
watch is in the pocket of bad man. Find
him; cause his arrest, and the timepiece
will again be yours. "-Jeacelers' Weekly.
Weeping Widow-''You are sure, Mr..
Boneplanter, that you will conduct every
thing in satisfactory mannerl" Emil
| nent Undertaker-''Hav no fear on that
score, beg of you, Mrs. BilIhope. Of
all the people I have buried III my long
and successful career am proud 20 say
that not one ever raised the slightest OBJ
lection to my work. "-T'erre Haute Er-
| 7STess