Morning journal and courier., 1889-03-05
How the Unaersaker is shut out.

From the NeW Ork
 tHeres another case of fl" said the un- dertaker, as he laid down the paper he had been reading. "Here's long puff of Smith, the grocsr-the fifth or sixth inside of year The grocer, blacksmith, butcher, merchant, doctor-everybody gets a puff except me-"
 ''If I get new hearse," he continued, looking more and more disgusted, 'I nstur- ally feel proud of the fact, and want the public to knowit. I drop in on the editor of the Bugle and state my wishes, and he be- gins to rub his hands and hem and haw, and finally says: My dear Jones, you know how glad I'd be to oblige, but you see how it is I can't advise people to try your nearse. can't hope your business will increase. I can't speak of your enterprise, for the hearse won't come out unless some one dies. Really, Jones, I'd like to do the fair thing, but you see how 1t is"
 "And if buy 8 span of fine horse, con- tinued the undertaken. "I am met with the Dr. Blank has $4O0 pacer, or that the den- tist has 8 nag which gets there, but when enter the sanctum to announce that have $500 span of white horses the editor begins to grins, and says: For your hearse, ot coursea Yes, know they are beauties, but have the pleasure of hauling away some of my subscribersa Can I say that the friends of the deceased ought 10 be proud of the way that blooded team, ambled along to the graveyard? You see, Jones, I'd like to give you half 8 column, but can't. Really, l can't. Public sentiment is against it.
 "And go down to New York, he went on, a touch of pathos in his voice. ''and strike bargain in baskets. can give my customers the benefit of my good luck. Strike job lot of perfect beauties-latest styles out-every one warranted as repre- sented or the money refunded: Jackson goes down and strikes & bargain in callcoes or einghsms, and when he returns the papers spreads the news for him and assist his sales. I go to the editor and state my case and he smiles sad, sweet smile and replies: My dear boy. can advise the public to lay in a supply of cofins now, while they can secure bargainsa Can I say that every prudent man should keep his coffin in the houses Gan express the hope that your enterprise will be rewarded by actives sales3 I'll do anything l in reason for you, but you see how 1t is "And that's the way it goes" sighed the undertaken man. 'tIf make nice display 1 in my windows it goes for naught. It buy | fifty new folding chairs for use at funerals | no one calls it enterprise. At funeral tht preacher may be mentioned as Preaening beautiful sermon, but may pull the busi ness of in Al style, without flaw, and nc ! one give me credit. Two weeks ago Jobsor added ten feet to his grocery, and the papeTf came out with puff about the demand fo more room-increased facilities-up with tn, times-live man, and all that Last week added thirty feet to my warerooms, and wen
 around to the Bugle office to have the fac
 noted. The editor listened patiently to me
 and then said: "Really, Jones, but you Sc. l how it is. Can say that owing to the deatl rate here you have been compelled to en
 largsg Can hope that increase ot stock VII WI! increase businessf Can invite the publi to call and inspecti I'd like to do something for you, but I can't-sentiment won't per mit'"