Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1889-12-27
WISE AND UNwlsE,.

:, 'oHN--ElVlra, 40 you love me. or is
1t my money? Elvira-John, I love
you both.
WHEN q dude is near-sighteds and
half-witted he gets on very we'll with
half an eye-glass.
THE unmarried females of the coun-
try will be much interested in the work
of the Patrons of Husbandry.
The Forty miners of California
we're Pan-Americans, though some
pan'd out better than others.
LENA (from New York City)-And
you are going to marry, Ella? Ella
Yes, L thought 1 would for while.
"Muc1LAaE trust been formed" said,
Jags to Gags. Somebody's going to
get stuck" was the prediction that
followed.
THERE is a rumor that the senior
class at Harvard University is deterio-
rating, and the election of q negro as
class orator seems to give color to it,
FR1END-Is Jennie's husband a good
provider? Mother-in- law Immense
They've been married only about five
years and they have q whole houseful
of children.
"WHY," said the husband, edo YOU
wear the hair of another woman on your
head? why" retorted his better
half, do you wear the skin of another
calf on your hands?"
MRS. WATTS - Mothers birthday
comes next week, and I want to make
her present. What would YOU sug-
gest? Mr.. Watts-If 1 had my way
I'D give her nice, heavy tombstone.
D1aG1Ns-Do you see that portly
man over there by the door? Virgins
Yes; fine-looking man. Diggins0He
takes life easily. Wiggins-Looks as
if he did. Diggins-He does; he's a
doctor.
GENIAL host-Pathrick, me bhoy,
you've had quite enough to dhrink.
Take me advice; when ye get to the
top Of the street yell see two cabs;
take the first, because, begorra, there's
only one.
MISTRESS = It's singular we didn't
catch any mice last night. Did you,
set the trap, Bridget? Bridget did,
mum. I set it forninst the cheese, and
thin covered it over wild an old hat SO
that the mice couldn't see it.
AaENT-Mr. Moneymuch, can sell
you phonograph, the greatest inven-
ton Of the age? The machine will guar
antee to talk 200 words per minute,
and Mr.. Moneymuch-Thank you,
sir, but I don't need it. The sewing
circle meets twice per week at our
house.
A NICE plaything for children:
Mrs. Bandbox-Yon said the train
1 should take leaves at 1890, didn't,
you? Ticket Agent-Yes, madam; and
1 think I've told you that about ten
times already. "Yes, I know you have,
but my little boy says he likes to hear
you talk"
FOND father-Harry, you have been
waiting on Miss Watson for over year..
Why don't you marry her? Harry
She isn't emotional enough. Fond
father-Great Scott, boy, what do you
want with an emotional woman? The
crown Of my head is as bare as bill
lard ball. Your mother was an emo
tional woman.
PAR1sH1oNER-Deacon, I doan't hab
much faith in dat new minister wot yo'
got TO our church from down Richmond;
he has dun prayed TO rain for fo weeks
and not drap has felled yet. Deaconi
Yes, Bre'r Willyums. but it hab
rained pow'ful hard at Richmond, an
I guess de Lawd hab dun fo'gotten dat
de minister hab changed his place OBJ
residence.
NOT INSURED.
The moon beams calmly sfted down
Upon two tender things
Matilda Martha Robinson
And William Henry Bings
Tho youth was smitten by her charms
And closer to her leant,
And having dared to kiss her. CRIED
ut was IN acciuent!"
For shame young mani" exclaimed tho
maid,
Withhold your compliments
For well you know I'm not insured
Against these Gccdents!"
Hap sand Mashaps.