davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
A Cat With Human Instincts.

There exists general impression that
cats are far less susceptible to kind
treatment and less adept at learning
tricks than are their enemies, the dogs.
This may or may not be correct i'm
preston, but if as a rule cats are duller
than dogs, there are many exceptions.
One striking exception is the case of a
large cat, which by birth was Maltese,
and which was owned by an old French
locksmith residing for long time on
Market street. The peculiarities of the
Frenchman, which were very marked,
had been imbibed by the cat, and like
his master, he was very reticent, and
hadn't much to say. He would allow no
one to pet him, except his master, and
when anyone entered the locksmith's
shop the cat would seem to know i'm
mediately whether he was friend or
foe. and the locksmith always relied
upon the discernment Of his pet to tell
him whether his visitor was honest or
not. If the man was not all right the
cat would fly at him, with fur bristling,
his back arched, and his tail swollen ur
like patent lamp chimney cleaner. But
he never troubled those who were all
right, and his attachment to his niaste!
was very touching. He was never happy
unless he had the locksmith always with
him, and at night he would sleep in the
same room with him, protecting him bet
ter than dog could haze done, for he
was large and powerful animal. Hls
master had taught him many tricks,
which he would perform on demand o.
his master; one Of them, which was ter
rible, was to spring at the throat of any
man or beast that his master might lndl
cate. He was never allowed to display
this trick, however, and his master al
ways sad that he had taught him thl'
during long sojourn in Switzerland
when he was in danger of his life from
both man and beast. At last the ole
man died, and his body was no soone
taken from the house than the cat
which had all the time been hoverint
about, disappeared, and was never seel
again. st. Louis Star Sayings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
How Dr.. Talmage Keeps HEALTHY.

ReT. DR.. Talmage says il the New
York Obs<rrsr: "Most Americans dc
not take time for sufficient sleep. We
account for our own extraordinary
health By tie fact that we are fanatics
on the subject OF sleep. We differ from
our friend, Napoleon Eonaparte, in enc
respect: we want nine hours sleep a1d
we take it-eight hours at night and one
hour in the day. If we miss our allow
ance one week, rs we of.en Go, we make
it up tie next week or the next month.
We have sometimes been twenty-onc
hours in arrearages We formerly kept
n memorandum Of the hours for sleep
lost. We pursued those hours till wo
caught them. If at the begin ming Of
our summer vacation we are many hours
behind in slumoer, we so down to the
seas.iore or among the mountains and
sleep a month. If the word abuses us
at any tine. we 90 and take an extra
sleep; and vixen we wake up all the
world is smiling on US. If We come to
a knotty point il our discourse, We take
q sleep; and when we open our eyes tho
OPAQUE has become transparent. We
SPLIT every day in two by a nap in tho
afternoon. Ding to take that somni-
ferrous interst:ce, we say to the servants ::
DO not call me for anything. If the
house takes fire, first get the children
out and ny private papers; and when the
roof begins to fall in call me- Through
fanaticism VIC have thus far escaped the
hot aXle,n
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Oil to C0ney Islands Rescue.

An oil man comes to the top with q
statement that he can save Coney Island
from the sea, which is trying hard to
steal it. His plan is to place several
oil tanks on the highest part of the
island and connect them with pipes
which will run along the bottom of the
sea a distance of $50 feet from the beach.
The tanks are to be filled with fish or
crude oil and so regulated that the oil
can be turned on or of at pleasure.
What next? Oil and electricity seem to
be overcoming and controlling the forces
of nature in way likely to change the
entire course of existence. This Coney
Island protective scheme is not alto
gether chimerical. 1t may seem fantastic
at first thought, but in the face of recent
practi al tests there can be no doubt
that oil of the right quality properly
used will smootha rough sea and render
it harmless. Coney Island must DE
saved. Break waters have ia led to check
the ravages of Old ocean. Bring on the
oil. -NetU Itrt 1ri' une.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
jewelers. Expose Bogus Diamonds

A young woman brought ring to s
ieweler the other day and requested hin
to reset the stone, which she said wa:
loose. She spoke of it as diamond
solitaire. The jewelc- took the ring ane
said he would attend TO it. AS the Gus
toner was leaving the store the jewelel
called her back and said "This stone il
glass. ma'am-I want you to understand
that"
The young woman colored up and
exclaimed with wrath in her voice: 'lt''
no such thing-it's a real diamond
Glass, indeed"
"Excuse me, ma'am," politely re
Joined the ;eweler, lit is nothing more
than piece of common crystal or glass
! There is no doubt whatever about it."
"But it was present given to mt
last Christmas by q very dear friend whit
wouldn't think of giving me shan
diamond" the young woman persisted
| 'I'm sorry, ma'am," replied the jew
cler, somebody's been deceived yer!
! likely, but this stone is absolutsly worth
less; a chip of glass"
Well, the young woman argued still
! further about the ring and insisted i
was very valuable, and a. last took /
away with her, saying that she woult
take it somewhere else to he repaired
| She was nearly in tears when she left tn
store.
After she had gone the jeweler said t.
me: 81 did not want to hurt that glrlI
feelings, but when ring of that kint
! is given to me to be repaired | Away
make it a practice of having it clearl!
understood that the stone is valueless
! If I cid not I should run the risk o
having that young woman come bacl
after She had discovered that the ston!
was not diamond, and accuse me O.
changing it in the resetting. Such
charge was once made against me unde
circumstances of this kind, and since
then I have followed a cautious polio,
for my own protection. The girl wa
honest, I've no doubt, but I cannot af
ford to take any chances. ."-PiHs6ur.
. EiH2a.ch.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Famine in Russia.

Notwithstanding the abundant harvest
in South Russia last year, in the in
terror whole provinces are suffering from
a state bordering on famine. The in
habitants of entire districts in the Gov
ernment of Orenb;lrg are actually dying
of starvation. Four years OF bad crops
have totally exhausted the poor peasants,
so that numbers of villages there have
eaten up the last seed corn.
The adult population allow themselves
the luxury of plate of bread once in
two days, while children crying for
bread are fed by their mothers several
times day with very small bits of mil
let cakes, which, in ordinary times the
poorest peasant would not look at;
These cakes, when they are just baked
and still warm, look more like cement,
and when they become cold are harder,
if possible, than stones.-L9ndon
SfHuj1rJ
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Ale Eight Dinners at Once.

About three months ago the residents
of Ellicott City, Nd, complained tha
their larders were being plundered
Neither money nor goods were touched
but everything in the shape of food was
cleaned out. Fer over month they
searched for the thief, who was tinall!
caught while regaling himself in a neigh
boris kitchen. His name is John Darby,
and he has Wife and family. After s
prelm nary hearing he was sent to thu
county all pending his trial by the court
He has now been in the institution two
months, and the warden says he ha!
proved the most expensive prisoner thu
State has ever harbored. His ap
petite IS enormous. Though weigh
ing only 130 pounds, he is tall ane
gaunt, measuring six feet and one inch
1t seems impossible to satisfy his crav-
ings, and his attack upon his neighbors
larders are now explained. His regular
daily meals are four times greater in the
amount of food than those of any other
prisoner. Beside, he generally eat.
whatever is left by the fifteen inmates Of
the jail. Warden Lily says that hi'
greatest feat perhaps was at dinner on q
recent Sunday. He had determined tc
sec if he could not satisfy Tarby for
once, and ordered the bill of fare ac-
cordingly. His meal consisted of half S
gallon Of soup and eight dinners like
those furnished the rest Of the prisoners,
in each of which was plentiful supply
of roast pork, hominy, cabbage, pota-
toes, turnips, and bread, all of which
were in turn quickly dispatched. A very
remarkable feature about the case is
that Darby never experiences any un-
casiress following an overloaded stom.
ach, and his appetite isnever satisfied
C.icag, Ecra!a.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Various Locations of the Capital.

TIE Capital Of the United States has
been 10 ated at different times at the
following places At Philadelphia from
September 5, 171', until December
117G; at Baltimore from December 20:
177G, to March, III; at Philadelphia
from March ], 1177, to September, III
at Lancaster, Penn, from September p,
IT., to September 20, III at ork'
Penn, from September 20, 1771,to July.
177s; at philadelphia from July :, i1o;
to June 30, 17S}; at Princeton, n. j.,
June 30, 17Sa, to November 90, 1888;
Annapolis, Md, November, 2G, .1Is3. to
November 30, 1884; Trenton from No
vembcr, 1894, to Janua'y, 17S5; New
York from January II, 1855, to 1880;
then the seat of government was re-
moved to Philadelphia, where it re-
NAMED until 1900, since which time it
has beea at Washington.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Utilizing an Elephant.

The President of the fair grounds at
It. Louis has evolved a scheme which,
for originality, certainly beats anything
of the kind yet projected. He recently
purchased machine to plow up the
rack at the fair grounds. 1t is a very
heavy affair and requires the united
efforts of four horses to drag it over the
ground. Mr.. Green conceived the novel
ideal of making the elephant at tho
grounds earn its feed by drawing the
blow. He has ordered harness and
will soon set the elephant at work.
CHICAGO Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
How He Won Them.

On the rolling prairies. A band of
cowboys has captured horse thief.
Cowboys tin gleefui chorus)-"We've
got you now, you villain, and You are
going to swing"
They prepare the rope and select con-
venicnt tree.
The Til!ain-"Hold on, boys. I'll
bet you the drinks you don't stretch my
neck"
Cowboys -"oh won't we, just3"
They pinion his arms.
The tillaln-'I can put you up to
some valuable secrets"
They tie his feet together.
The Villain-'I know where $50, 600
in gold is buried"
They adjust the moose to his neck.
The Villain-'I can put you onto o
new silver mine"
They commence to hoist him up.
The Villain-"And I've got six new
tricks at cards."
Chorus of Voices (cxcitedly)-"Hold
on! Let him down"
He is let down, released and pardoned.
- Ties
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
shall ever thank you sufficiently for

1 shall ever thank you sufficiently for
that ribbon calender"
Clara "The idea! such trife! ]"
"Well a 'trife' if you will, but it
saves me three hours sleep every night
of my life"
"NIy dear! What do you meanW
"My dear! just what I say. When
Tom, Dick or Harry begins to bore me l
lust call attention to and rave over your
lovely gift. Then while it is the subject
of conversation slip the ribbon to the
next date. Oh! it's effectual. Never
can thank you enough tor the idea."-
Time.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17

There was laughter and dancing at Hominy
Hall,
And the ladies were happy-but gayest OF
all
The cook lady was, as she froliced around,
While the nurse lady scampered with pan
thsr-like bound;
The wash lady sat at ease in her chair,
While the lady who cleaned up the rooms
fixed her hair.
But alas for their joy!-it was brief and
shortlived,
For the woman whose servants they were
had arrived.
Lincoln Journal
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
He Wasn't Tascott.

Hungry Tramp-"Madame, Pm in
great trouble. l can't carry this terrible
Secret in my bosom any longer. I'm
Tascott, the man that killed Smell, the
millionaire, in Chicago. If you'll give
me good square meal I'd as soon you'd
get that $50, 900 reward as anybody
else."
Lady of the House-"Certainly, come
right in. SO g * There's some soup, a
porterhouse steak, some mashed potato
stewcd corn and turnip, and there's q
whole mince pie. Eat all you want:
Tramp (after gorging himself to safety
-''Thank you, madame; you are very
kind. feel great deal better-so we'll
that | guess I can carry my terrible
secret to the next town and work it on
somebody for supper."-Chieago Herald.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
She Understood Her Business.

Miss Slimdiet-"A new boarder came
while you were out-a young lady"
Mrs. Slimdiet boarding housekeeper)
els she pretty?"
lawfully"
"Well, in that case put an extra strip
of rag carpet in front of her mirror. -
Philadelphia Record.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Little Difficulty About That.

Teacher-"A man meeting farmer
with a drove of sheep said: Good
morning. friend, with your hundred
Sheep The farmer replied: 4 have
not hundred sheep; but if had so
many more and half as many more ard
one Sheep and a half, I should have a
hundred.' Now tell me how you would
60 to work to find out how many he
had"
Scholar-"Coun them. guess that
would be the quickest way. "-Boston
Trans Tipt.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
She jumped at the Chance.

Alfonso de Beriot-"Iou say you are
not superstitlous, Miss Gushington, but
would you dare be married on Friday2"
Miss Gushington-"What! Next
Friday2 Why, dear Alfonso, you are so
sudden and so unconventional"
:'You quite misundcrstand me. l
protest-I didn't propose -"
" That's all right, Alfonso. You didn't
propose as they usually do, but l like it
Just the same. Yes, dear, it shall be on
Friday"
Alfonso swoons. -Bos'on Gazette.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
GIT COULD NOT HAPPEN Now"

Ere country ways had turned to street,
And long ere We were born,
A lad and lass would chance to meet
Some merry April mora;
The willows bowed to nudge the orooN'
The cowslips nodded gay,
And he would look, and she would look,
And both would look away.
Yet each-and this is so absurd
Would dream about the other,
And she would never breathe word
To that good dame, her mother.
Our girls are wiser now.
Twas very quaint, twas very strange,
Extremely strange, you must allow.
Dear me! how modes and customs change!
1t could not happen now.
Next day that idle, naughty lass
Would rearrange her hair,
And ponder long before the glass
Which bow she ought to wear;
And often she'd neglect her task,
And seldom care to chat,
And make her mother frown, and ask:
Why do you blush like that!"
And now she'd haunt with footsteps slow
That mead with cowslips yellow,
Down which she met week ago
That stupid, staring fellow.
Our girls are wiser now.
Twas very quaint twas very strange,
Extremely strange, you must allow.
Dear me! how modes and customs change!
1t could not happen now.
And as for him, that foolish lad,
He'd hardly close an eye,
And look so woe-begone and sad,
And make his mother cry.
He goes,' she'd say. "from bad to worse!
My boy, so blithe and brave.
Last night found him writing verse
About lonely gravem
And, 10! next day her nerves he'd shock
With laugh and song and caper;
And there.-she'd find golden lock
Wrapped up in tissue paper.
Our boys are wiser now.
twas very quaint, twas very strange,
Extremely strange, you must allow.
Dear me! how modes and customs change!
1t could not happen now.
-Fredericl; Lang5ridge, in Good Words.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Exuui.itc Brooches.

A. New York ieweler has sent some
wonderful brooches to the Paris ENposl-
ton. They are gold enameled orchids
of fifteen varieties, each as perfect in its
way as the product of nature. The
stems arc made green with emcralds.
The coloring of the leaves is marvellous
beyond description, testifying to the en-
traordinary skill of the designer as well
as to the artistic sense and exquisite
taste of the enameler. Nothing more
beautiful can be imagined than the gen.
eral effec: of each plant.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
No Objection.

Tenaweek-"sir, wish to marry
your daughter"
Gruff Father "AIy daughter, young
man, will continue under the parental
roof"
Tenaweek-''No objection will be
raised to that, sir. Wrappers Basar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
He Preferred Arrest.

A thief broke into fine residence
early in the morning and found himself
in the mushroom. Hearing footsteps
approaching he hid behind screen.
From seven to eight o'clock Miss
Laura had lesson on the piano.
From eight to nine o'clock the second
daughter took singing lesson.
From nine to ten O'Clock the eldest
son had violin lesson.
From ten to eleven o'clock the other
son took lesson on the flute.
At eleven o'clock all the brothers and
sisters assembled and studied an ear
splitting piece for piano, violin, flute and
voice.
The thief staggered out from behind
the screen at half-pas eleven, and, fall
ing at their feet, cried: "For goodness
sake, have me arrested, but stop"-
Wasp.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
WHY She Preferred the Tenor.

$50 the belle of the choir has married
the tenor?"
eyes"
81 thought she favored the bass"
eyes, but she got some high flown
notions into her head and threw over the
bass for the tenor"
stFor what reason?"
"Because the tenor was more high
toned. ."-Bostcn Courier.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
raraful of His Health

"Will you have piece of my pic, Mr..
Robinson2" -,
"Did the doctor say I must2" asked
the invalid, meekly. And the landlady
refused to answer.-Baz,r.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Limit to His Love.

She-"You are sure you love me2"
He-"Love you2 Why, I am ready to
die for you"
She-"When we're married will you
always get up and start the kitchen fire."
He-"Er- er-pray be reasonable, my
DEAR" ."-Epoch.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
AProtracted Conversation.

At party the other evening gentle
man took his friend up to his mother to
make his adieux. "I can't wait" he
said, "but as soon as there is lull in
the conversation you can speak to her. "
Two or three hours later he encountered
the friend, looking very dismal, in the
spot where he left him.
"What, unable to tear yourself away,
eh:"
NO." mumblcd the other, "there
hasn't been lull yet.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Alfonso sMoons. -B0slON Gazette.
Why Women Make Poor Engines

Blobson-"Ha. ha. Here's al article
which saws that before the close of the
nineteenth century we shall see women
running locomotive engines on our rail
roads,"
Mrs. Blobson-"Well, why not? Don't
you think they would make good ones!"
Mr.. Blobson some respects, per-
haps. They would keep a good lookout
ahead, anyway"
Mrs. Blobson-"Why soa"
Mr.. "Because they would
have their heads out of the cab window
all the time to show their new bonnets. "
Huntington Free Press.
LIFE. Debit
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Heard in CHICAGO.

Armour-W say, Davis, do you re-
member when beef was highest"
Davis-''No, I can't say that do"
"Why, when the cow jumped over
the moon,' of course. ."--Itnae.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Innocence Aloft.

Farmer Ito tramp whom he has sur
prised in fruit tree)-"What are you
doing up there2"
Tramp-"I! Nothing! only hanging
some pears on the tree again that had
fallen down. ."-iHaiI and Express.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
From One Mystery to Another.

Jones" "Matllda, where is that latch
key I handed you this morning"
Mrs. Jones-''In the pocket of my
dress hanging up over there"
Jones Give minutes later, desperately
-"And now, Matilda, will you please
tell me where to find the pocket ofyour
dressm m-Mail anil Eapress.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
His Great Compliment.

AS they walk home from church Sun
day evening he wants to make the very
best impression. and, after deep thought,
he says:
"You don't know, Miss Clara, how
becoming darkness is to you"
Then he wonders at the sudden and
lasting chiliness in her manner. - Wasp.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
Nothing New.

Mrs. Fangle-"Well, this is strangem
Mr.. Fangle-"What is it, my dear|
ga man in Paris has taught an ape to
black his shoes"
:'Oh, there's nothing remarkable
about that, my dear. I've often heard
of monkey-shines.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
An Unmistakable Evidence.

'NTr. Bronson must have failed to pay
his bill this week"
"Why do you think that2"
"Why, didn't you notice Mrs. Tomp-
kins gave him the neck of the turkey at
dinner. ."-Bazar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.

Frolicsome Domestics Careful of
His Health-Innocence Aloft-
An UnmiStakable Evidence
Nothing New, Etc.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17

A boat building firm in Passumkeag,
Me-, has recently received large order
tor canoes to be sent to England.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
SLIGHTLY DisapDointed in the Baby


"Well, jimmy" said Mr.. Dolan, as
his hopeful came into the shanty, "Oive
got great news to tell you"
"What is it. father"
SITS something that will surprise yez
very much"
'tDon't be afther bein' so long sur
prism me, but tell me what the news
ls.n
"Ye've got little brother"
''Is that so2"
"Ihe same it is. Yez can so into the
next room and make call on the new
visitor if ye loike."
The boy went out and came back at-
ter short time had elasped with an ez-
preston of mingled pleasure and disap-
pointment on his face.
"Well, Jimmy" said the paternal Do
Ian, chow do you loike yer new broth
er?'
''very we'll, father; but Old much
rather have got a goat. ."-As'chant
lraueler.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
The Prescription.

There was, some time ago, doctor
whose morning levees were crowded be.
yond description. 1t was his pride and
boast that he could feel his patients
pulse, look at his tongue, probe at him
with his stethoscope, write his prescrip-
tion, pocket his fee, in a space of time
varying from two to five minutes. One
day an army man was shown into the
consulting room, and underwent what
may be called the instantaneous process.
When it was completed the patient
shook hands heartily with the doctor,
and said: 81 am especially glad to meet
you, as I have often heard my father,
Colonel Forester, speak of his old friend,
DR.. L." "What!" exclaimed the doctor,
"are you Dick Forestcr's SOM" "Most
certainly am." "NIy dear fellow, fling
that prescription into the fire, and sit
down quietly and tell me what's the
matter with you. ."-Nu1ray's Magazine.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-04-17
A Life Debt

Gertrude-"Clara, I don't know how