The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1889-10-30
A SchOolmarm Witness.

Sometimes lawyer meets his mater
in the witness box. Not long since
there was breach .of-promise case i1s
all Ohio town. The usual bully-ra-
ging lawyer was there, but an unusua!
witness in the person of country
schoolmarm met him. "Ah, miss,
said the lawyer when she had takeI:
the oath, twill you state your nameG"
elizabeth Martini" she responded
quietly.
"Your occupation ?"
Teaching school,"
How old are youw he next in
quired, with a side-long smile at the
crowd. So
"Old enough to know that it is nonss
of your business" she answered ~
gently as ring dove COOS.
"Objection sustained" remarked ttx-
court. The lawyers face fell, but hs-
braced up and went Oh, but without Il.
smile.
do you know the nature Of an
?" he asked, spitefully.
ooh, yes; I heard you damn. the
court yesterday for ruling against you-
and knew you were not saying youS
prayers"
The court looked at the lawyer, The
lawyer looked at the ceiling, and the
witness looked ut ease.
"Confine your answers to the case,
if you please" said the lawyer,
"Now, will you tell the court if yosa
know the plaintiff?"
eyes, sir, I know her."
"What do you know of her?'
"More good than I do of lawyer
sir.n
"That's not what I want to know.'
"I presume not" continued the wit
ness softly.
II want to know" shouted the e1-
asperated questicner, bringing his Est
down on the table, 'if you know
anything about the case before the
court?"
"Iore than you do, possibly"
swell, tell it to the court, and have
done with it,"
"Thanks. I know, your honor, thas
Joseph Hill, the defendant, asked Ma--
ry Jackson, the plaintiff, if she woaiG
be his wife. 1t was done in my pres
ence."
"Indeed! Isn't that rather an IN
usual way of popping the question"'
II don't know, sir. have had M
experience. 7 happened to be present
because I came. into the room uneE-
pectedly, and found the plaintiff SIT
ting in the defendants lap, and he, tes
show that she had right to save The
furniture in that way, asked her agalfs
to be his wife, as he had already done.
a week earlier"
"By the way, Miss Martin, hoHt'
much does the plaintiff weigh ?"
"One hundred and forty pounds
sir"
GLOW do you know so eXactly?"
"By the weigh, of COURSE" she
smiled. and the lawye! went OFT e1s
another track.
Ibid you think the defendant wss'
telling you the truth ?"
"Oh, yes; you know he is not a IaS-
yer"
"The witness will confine herself to-
the facts" interrupted the court.
"Very,,well, your honor; shall pay
no attention to the statements of ths'
attorney"
"That will d." said the provoked
lawyer; 1.-THE witness may stanu
down."
MAY it please the court" she re-
marked, "the witness would like tn
sit down.
THE sheriff will provide witness;
with q chair,n said the court. "Shs"
seems to have sat down on everything
else in this court room, and the couri
sees no reason why chair should bp
exempt"
The witness smiled rlacidly, ana
took chair to await another call To-
the box.
People who are always in high splE-
its soon wear out, says physician. Is
may be, but people who are always,
low-spirited wear other people out
a funny story is told concerning aH
attempt to locate diocesan seat in the
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