Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1889-11-20
SCABBY ON FLATS.

0SA0O HI 5ON fLAj -.
Apartment House style 81 Living Not
Popular with Tramps. III.
A lady living Oh the fifth floorsof an
uptown tlat-house was called to the
speaking tube by a violenu ringing Of
the door bell.
What Is itp" she called down
through the speaking tube. 81.
Its Scabby McGoogan," came back
the reply. i've called to see If you
have any cold vituals this mornin' for
4 poor man"
go 'wayv' screamed tho lady
through the tube; Ego way. I smell
your awful breath clear to the fftn
floor" 5.,.5 ...... ..a
Scabby McGoogan, Esq, was not s.
easily disposed Of at long range. |
Its hardly fair to hold me respon-
sible for the condition of my breath,
ma'am, y he replied. 'Gettin', as best
I may, odds and ends from 8, hundred
kitchens to keep soul and body to-
gether, is it any wonder that am un-
able this morning to watt up to you
through this pesky tube the odor of
new-mown hay, Notwithstanding slept
in manager last nightp" -:.%.
"Will you go away, or will I be
obliged to call the dog?'
Il am not alarmed on the dog ques.
ton, ma'am. That racket works toler-
ably we'll whore the folks live on the
commons, but I have yet to have my
first encounter with dog that comes
down from the fifth floor. have no.
ticed that in coming down from the
fifth floor dog has time to take his
second, sober thought, and, by the
time he reaches the street, it occurs to
him that in the likely event that he be
wounded in the fray, he would have
difficulty in draggings himself back up
the stairs, or up the back stairs
"You impudent scoundrel. will you
goe" screamed the lady, until the tube
ratified in every joint.
II am in a mood this morning to
discuss" came Scabby's voice. with
exasperating calmness, land while I
have the hang of this speakin' trum-
pet, may as we'll set forth an idea or
two that have not, as yet, been able
to get into the newspapers Or maya.
zines. I desire to say that, as the rep
resentative of a large and growing
class, I am Numerically opposed to this
fat and apartment-house system
of livin'. You see the disadvan.
tage it places us under. Now,
were I permitted to present my claims
to you face to face, instead of by this
ERE hollow mockery, dare say tina,
you would see the dreadful necessity
of the case and cheerfully comply"
The speaking-tube vibrated again
with the indignant message:
"Confound you, won't you ever COP
Il can tell by the sound of youl
voice. continued Scabby, THAT you
have q tender heart and hand ready
to aid the deserving poor: Oh! had I
the wings of a dove, might perch
myself upon your kitchen window-sill
and partake of pie from your lily.
white hand; but, alas, I am compelled
to communicate my wants in this en-
barrasin' and unsatisfactory way. Bills
tered be the tongue of the man who
first invented flats. Aside from the
single advantage that people who live
in fats can't keep dogs, I defy you or
any one else. to point to one redeemin'
feature of the Internal fat system"
'.I'll pour scalding water down this
tube if you don't co." yelled the land
lady.
"Just ore word," said Scabby, land
I have done. I wish to reiterate my
imprecation against the inventor and
designer of flats. May his tongue
cleave to the roof of the highest house
in this town, while he is obliged to
trudge in the middle of the road and
get his pie and cold potatoes through
a speakin' tube. Good-day, ma'am. -
N. Y. World.