davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Fiut Tramp: ''Some folks is born lucky.
Remember Bill Soaks?"
Second Tramp: "Yep."
First Tramp. 'eHe got into Sweiper's
brewery the other night and was drowned
in beer vat"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

care you engaged for the coming sea-
SOM" inquired a leading man of an
emotional star. "Do you mean profession
ally or matrimonially!"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

The doctors agreed-Sceptic: "Did 20
ever know two doctors to agreeY'
Medical Student latter rehection)
eyes; once"
Sceptic: "Where was it?"
Medical Student: eat post mortem."
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Miss Boston: How is your Browning
society doing, Miss Chicago?"
Miss Chicago: well, it's had mighty
tough sailing lately"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

If Dobbins' Electric Soap is what so many
insist that it is, you cannot afford to go with
out it, and you can decide for yourself very
soon. Don't let another Monday pass with
out trying it.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Summer boarder: "Your catalogue said
there were no mosquitoes hereabouts, Mr..
but killed seven last night. !"
Makemoncy: ''Yes, sir, but them cata-
logues was sent out in March,"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

The conductor says "move up forward
and the passengers do not stir. The driver
suddenly jams down the brake and moves
'em.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Boston will do her best to entertain the
President, but her heart is in Mississippi
with her frvorite son.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

A pocket-book made of rattlesnake h ide,
which is so repulsive to ladies that they
won't touch it, is having large sale among
married men.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

A man feels rather foolish to be found
holding the baby when the girl he didn't
marry comes to see his wife.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

A pocket match-safe free to smokers of
f'Tansill's Pinch" sc. Cigar.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

The petrified arm of a giant has been dug
up in Nebraska. 1t held in its clinched
fist nine large diamonds. 1t is evident that
the arm belonged to a prehistoric hotel
clerk.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

1t is unkind to make a Jest of aerial naviga-
ton before inventors of air ships. 1t is a
soar point with them.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

She: "What's the matter? You look
flushed"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Persons meditating the establishment of
aquariums would do well to bottle some
hydrant water. They might thus secure
some startling features on easy terms.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

The king of the Cannibal Islands used to
have many domestic broils when he cooked
his servants.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Does q man cast his bread upon the
waters when he has taken roll IN the surf?
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22
st, Peter: "Halt."

New Spirit: Cant come in?"
st. Peter: 'I'd rather you wouldn't.
You are just cut of college and We don't
want any advice about running the uni
verse"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

II hear that Harry has left his wife. What
is the matter, wonder. Couldn't he sup
port herr" mo; she was insuppOrtable."
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

The anarchists want more, but they do
not want Most.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

The Mississippi lawyers will now show the
big fellow what legal sparring Is.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

1t is generally all up with man when he
begins to go down hill.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

If afflicted with sore eyes, use DIR. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell it. 25c
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Field-Marshal Halstead advertises him.
self as sure Payne-killer.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Its thousands of cures are the best adver
tisements for DIR. Sage's Catarrh Remedy.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

Wibble: "Of all the Merry men, think
young Wagwell takes the cake"
Wabble. whats the matter with Wag-
well?"
Wibble: HE proposed to a deaf and
dumb girl some time ago and now he is SUI
ing for breach of promise on the ground
that silence gives consent"
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

When Baby was sick. We gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria,
Whsn she became Miss. she chung to Castoria,
When shs bad Children, she gave them Castorik
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22


prayer meeting and on religious subjects
rs they do in worldly circles? For no
one ever succeeds in any kind of Chris
tian work unless he works naturally.
We want to initiate the Lord Jesus
Christ, who plucked q poem from the
grass of the field. We all want to imi-
tate him who talked with farmers
about the man who went forth to SOW,
and talked with the fishermen about the
drawn net that brought in fish of all
sorts, and talked with the vine dresser
about the idler in the vineyard, and
talked with those newly af6anced about
the marriage supper, and talked with
the man cramped in money matters
about the two debtors, and talked with
the woman about the yeast that leavened
the whole lump, and talked with the
shepherd about the lost sheep. Oh, We
might gather even the stars of the sky
and twist them like forget me-nots in
the garland of Jesus. We must bring
everything to him-the wealth of lam
guage, the tenderness of sentiment, the
delicscy of morning dew, the saffron Of
floating cloud, the tangled surf Of the
tossing sea, the busting thunder guns
of the storms bombardment. Yes,every
star must point down to him, every hello.
trope must breathe his praise, every drop
in the summer shower must fash his
glory, all the tree branches of the forest
must thrum their music in the grand
march which shall celebrate world re-
deemed.
Now, all this being SO, what is the
common sense thing for you and for mo
to do? What We do think will depend
upon three great facts. The first fact
that sin has ruined rs. II has blasted
body, mind and soul Wevant NO Bible
to prove that We are sinners. Any man
Who 10 not willing to acknowledge him
self an imperfect and q sinful being 10
simply fool and not to be argued with.
We all feel that sin has disorganixed
our entire nature. That 10 one fact.
Another fact il that Christ came to 10
construct, to restore, TO revise, to COR
~ e ss4::H Z e; IT, Z! Z ssssss ~ 8:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-08-22

our stTeetS, tnat NJ mlOnlSnL men WOulu
knock at your door, asking how they
may get those treasures. Instead of
that many of us put our hands behind
our back and walk up and down in front
Of the mine of eternal riches, and say:
Well, if l am to be saved, will be
saved; and if am to be damned will
be damned. and there is nothing to do
about it." Why, my brother, do you not
40 that way in business matters? Why
do you not tomorrow go to your store
and sit down and fold your arms and
say: If these goods are to be sold
they will be sold: and if they are not to
be sold, they will not be sold; there is
nothing for me to do about it." No.you
dispatch your agents. you print your ad-
vertisements, you adorn your show win
dows. you push those goods, you use
the instrumentality. Oh that men we're
as wise in the matters OF the soul as
they are wise in the matters of dollars
and cents! This doctrine of Gods sover-
eighty, how it is misquoted and spoken
of as though il were an iron chain
which bound us hand and foot for time
and for eternity, when, SO far from that,
in every fiber of your body, in every
faculty of your mind, in every passion
of your soul, You are free man and it
is no more a matter of free choice
whether you will tomorrow 60
abroad or stay at home, than it is this
moment a matter of free choice whether
YOU will accept Christ or reject him. In
all the army of banners there is not one
conscript. Men are not to be dragooDed
into Heaven. Among all the tens of
thousands of the Lords soldiery there
is not one man but will tell you: Il
chose Christ; wanted him; I desired to
be in His service; am not conscript-
I am volunteer" Oh that men had the
same common sense in the matters of re-
ligion that they have in the matters OF
the world-the same concentration, the
same push, the same enthusiasm! In
the one case q secular enthusiasm; in
the other a concentrated enthusiasm.
Again l remark: We want more COM
mon sense in the building up and en-
lsrging of our Christian character.
There are men here who have for forty
years been running the Christian refe,
aud thsy Asye net TN . Veassse q ,
U1lOl
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
OUR POLITICS.

We believe the Republican party to be the
true instrument of the POLITICAL PROG
REss of tho American people; and holding
that tho honest enforcement of its principles is
the best guarantee of the national welfare, We
shall support them with all our might; but we
shall always treat opposing parties with con-
sideration and fair play
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
Mending Broken Articles.

Shollac cement Is made of two parts
shellac and one part of Venetian tur-
pentine, fused together and formed
into sticks. III mending glass or china,
warm the latter enough to melt the
stick on the edges of the piece to be
mcnded. Diamond cement is also
used for mending glass. china and
earthenwarc, and is made by adding a
little gum ammoniac to isinglass dis
solved in weak spirits. Put it in a
bottle and keep it well corked. The
handles of knives and forks can be
mended with resin. The hollow in
the handle is filled with powdered
resin, the iron stalk is made red hot
and thrust into tho handle, where it
will remain firmly fixed after it has
cooled. Plaster of Paris should be
kept in every household, as it is OK
cellent for mending lamp stands, spar,
bronze, etc. In mending q lamp
which has become loosened from its
metal socket, thoroughly wash and
dry the socket and the reservoir. Re-
move the old cement, and see that the
plaster is finely powdered. Mix it
with water until it becomes tho con-
sistency of thick cream, then line the
socket with it and press the reservoir
into its place. Remove with n knife
aud rag any plaster that has over
flowed, and letthe plasters set thorough
ty before using the lamp Good
Housekeeping.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
A Grand old Woman.

Multitudes of American ladies are to
be counted among the admirers of the
venerable Mrs. Gladstone's extraordi-
nary devotion to the person aud for
tunes of her husband, who is now in
the 80th year of his age. 1t is even
more conspicuous than was that of the
wife of tho late Benjamin Disracli dur
ing his lifetime. Whenever it is proper
for her to appear with him on public
occasions she is by his side; when he
makes great speech in parlimont or
elsewhere she is among his listeners;
when he travels abroad she is his COM
panion; she is out-spoken in approval
of every political movement he makes;
she shows her active interest in every
work that he undertakes. Our London
correspondent told yesterday that she
has been among the throng in tho law
courts during the progress of the Par
nell case, and that as soon as Pigott
had fled, she hurried off to convey the
news to the grand old man. All
through Mr.. Gladstone's long public
career, but especially during the last
twenty or twenty-five years of it, we
have heard of Mrs. Gladstone's cease
less devotion to him under all circum-
stances. There are, of course, plenty
of other cases of the same kind, but
her case has been one of unusual no.
liability on account of the prominence
of her husband. 1t is not surprising
that her example raises feeling of
admiration in the hearts of many
American ladies who have not the OPP
portunity of following it, or that she
is often spoken of in terms of lauda-
tion that should be pleasing to her
venerable husband, if he could hear
them. NeO York Sun.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
A Russian Dukes Romance.

The car of Russia's second brother,
the Grand Duke Alexis, now nearing
his 40th year, Is not married and
will probably 90 unmarried to his
grave. Few persons rccoilrct or reni-
fzg the e9RiEgal tragedy-tha marked
the early Years Of this Intelligent and
handsome prince. He fell in love,
long years ago, with young lady Mt
tached to the household of his mother,
and, like an honorable man, he made
the woman that he loved his wife. Tho
fact of this marriage came to the
knowledge of his father, who at once
caused the young couple to be separ-
ated by the full exercise of his despotic
authority. The grand duke was sent
off on voyage round the world, his
marriage was annulled, and his wife
compelled by threats of Punishment to
Siberia, and of total separation from
her child "a boy of extraordinary beauty
and engaging qualitios) to consent to
second union with an obscure physi-
clan. By this measure all possible re-
union with her royal husband was rem
dered impossible. The subsequent
marriage Of Alexander H. to tho Prin-
cess Dolgourouki, though only NOR
ganatic one, might, you think, have
taught him little human feeling to-
ward his son and that sons wife and
offspring.
In this tragic story. it is said, is to
be found the true reason why the
Grand Duke Alexis. though legally un-
married, has refused all negotiations
for a royal alliance. After the mar
riage of his younger brother, the Grand
Duke Paul, he will DO tho only single
one among the brothers of the reigning
car. PHILADELPHIA Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
The Jersey Lily.

There seems to be no doubt, says the
Brooklyn Eagle, that the Lily of der.
soy is now Mrs. Gebhardt and that she
had been adding lately to her famous
collection of old silver number of
new pieces from Tiifanys. / am told
that her journey to England last sum-
mer and her offer to her husband of
$4,000 for her freedom was what
finally secured the divorce for which
she has been growing more intensely
anxious each moath, until it has be-
come perfecs craze with her. Mr..
Langtry has held out manfully, but
when be discovered that she had
reached Ler limit in price, and even
her intsnso desire for freedom could
not persuade her to go up another
cent, he concluded to accept her offer.
So intense had become Mrs. Langtry's
wish to be the wife of Mr.. Gebhardt
that. the mails bringing the decree of
divorce by the last evening delivery on
Monday, by 1890 on Tuesday she was
again wife. Within the last two
years this has become a matter of such
deep feeling with her that she has not
hesitated to speak of it in the most
open manner; she said to woman not
long since--a woman who is living
apart from her husbond, but who had
never sued for diyorce--that she
could not understand her course of
action. "But, my DEAR said her
friend, "why should | ask for q di-
vorceP have no desire to remarry,
and it would merely permit my hus-
band to do so. But | hear you are
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD
BELVIDERE DIVISION

n and after Dec. nth, 1888
Leave Mannnka Chunk 700 and 10.i5 m, and
Leave Belvidere 7O5 and 1920 m, aud 1877,
3.h2 and 6.36 p nj.
Leave Philifpsburg 7.26 and iO4s a M and 90.
Leave Frenchtown 7.5s and Ills. a m, SO. 457
1872 pm.
Leave Pennington 760 a m. ~ 40 and .45pm m.
Arrive Lambertville S.f8 m. rs and 5lS p M.
Leave Lambertyillo 700, $40. and 1882, m,
EOS, $50. and 500 pm.
Arrive Trenton 1856 and s.5s m. and 1928, 2.42.
Arrive Philadelphia (Kensington) s.I5 and e.5s
q M, and 246. 4.0T, 7S3 and $40 pm
Arrive Philadelphia BROAD Street Station) 8.48
and g.55 n M, 100, $50, 7.33 and 9.4S pm.
Arrive New York. via Trenton, $40 and 10.40
a N, 2.f0, $50, $50, and 1875 m.
Trains from Philadelphia assd Hesg York
Leave New York, via Trenton. 7.2o, IL 90. IN.
Leave Philadelphia Kensingto 1880, TAO. li.l5
m, 1.hS, 2.52, and s .35 p M.
Leave Philadelphia Broad Street Stationl 80.
$40 m, ~. 90, 230 400 and 600 m.
Leave Trenton 745, $40 a m, 90, $50. 4.s4 and
705 pm,
Arrive Lambertyille s22, 9.42 m. i.ss, 425,
Leave Lambertgille for Pennington s.4s m. 2 90
and 5.3i p m.
Leave Lambertyille for Manunka Chunk 1922
9.42 m, 1875, 5.24 and 40 p m.
Leave Frenchtown $50. 1910 m. 2.o7. 5.50.and
Leave Phillipsburs 1919 .so--and lo4a m. $50
6.25 and S.53 p IN.
Arrive Bels,dere 500. s-5s and Hip m. s2z
6.52 and 9.23 I'm.
Arrive Mannnka Chunk s07 1908, 1920 IN,
$3.50, TOO and y.sO p m.
Additional trains leave Beyidere for Manunka
Chunk $40, a. m, and 10 p. m. Returning. leave
Manunka Chunk for Belvidere 7.05 and 9S5
p. m.
Freight or mixed trains leaving Manunka
Chunk at Clio M, Bevidere GA a. M, Martins
Creek at 6.is nj arriving at l.ehigh Junction at
710 m, will carry passengers and make stops at
flag stations north OF Phillipsburg.
Connection is made at Manunka Chunk with
Delaware Laekawanna H. Western Railroad; Le-
high junction with Lehigh Valley Lehigh Sus-
quehanna, Morris & Essex, and New Jersey Central
Railroads. At Lambertville with Pennington Rail-
road. At Trenton with trains to and from New
York, Camden, &c.
For further Information see timetables. which
can be obtained at the ticket Offices.
CHAS. f. PUGH, J.R WOOD,
General Manager. General Passenger A gent
F. w. JACKSON,
Gen,lsupt. U. r. r. OF N. ]. Div.
FRANK ELLMAKER. Supt. Belvidere Div.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
UMPIRE vs.


Whenever you can find a manu-
facturer of carpeting that has a
private trade mark woven in combi-
nation of its yarns, you can make
up your mind its quality is up to
perfection. a point on buying a
velvet or tapestry-brussels carpet.
Ask to see the pin-stripes of dark
colored yarn on the back Of the
Roxbury or the different colored
threads on the back of Stinson Bros.
and Kurbaum, or the figured strip
ing of Ramsey's q LAMBERToNIAN,"
with both sides just alike. After
you have had those marks shown
you, then it is only a choice of pat
tern, for you cannot buy a better
grade of velvet or tapestry and
figured "LAMBERToNIAN Carpet
ing, although there are as many
grades of carpeting as there are of
butter, and ladies know there are
numerous grades Of that.
RAMSEY,
MANUFACTURER ON FIlR "LAMBlRYONIAh."
Jan 10. 80
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
LIVERY STABLES
AT THE
LAMBERTVTLLE HO US e.
CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP.

The subscriber has bought of the executrix, the
livery stables lately owned by George NJ Hart,
decd and will give it his special personal atten-
ton. The horses and carriages at these stables
have always been frst-eass and there will be no
deterioration under the present management,
Only safe and reliable stock will be kept and
charges will be reasonable.
Special attention given to wedding parties
Carriages furnished for funerals.
JOHN E. SCHENCK.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17
A Nut for the scicntists. /.

A few days age Mrs. Thomas Land,
living in the suburbs Of Carlisle, while
sitting before a CRATE containing burn
ing coal observed something imbedded
in a chunk of coal, and without stop
ping to think whether it might DO Of
interest or value, took tho poker and
tore the substance out, which proved
to DO an iron ring about one and one
half inches in diameter which showed
that it had been corroded by fire long
ago. This coal was takon from the
m:ne one-half mile north of Carlisle.
at depth of I'll feet. Is not this q
mystery how this ring used ON the end
OF a common trace-chain, became Inn
bedded in coal hundreds of feet under
ground, and which was formed
thousands OF years ngop Princetvn
(Ind) Clarion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1889-04-17


Thesoughy cleanse tfs blood, which Is the
fountain OF health, by using Or. Pierce's Gold
en- Medical Discovery, nnd good digestion, q
fair akin, buoyant spirits, and bodily health
and vigor will be established.
Golden Medical Discovery cures all humors,
from, the common pimple, blotch, or eruption,
20 tSe worst Scrofula or blood-poison. Es
pecially has it proven Its efficacy in curing
Snlt rhenm or letter, Eczema, Erysipelas,
Fever sores, Hip joint Disease, Scrofulous
Sor-s and Swelings, Enlarged Glands, Col
tire or Thick Neck, and Eating Sores or
Ulcers.
Golden Medical Discovery cures Consump-
ton (Which is Scrofula of the Lungs, by its
wonderful blood purifying, inyigorating,
and nutritive properties, If taken in time.
For Weak Lungs, Splitting of Blood, Short
nrss Of Breath, Catarrh in the Head. Bron-
chits, Severe Coughs, Asthma, and kindred
affections, 1t is sovereign remedy. 1t
promptly cures the sovcrcst Coughs.
For Torpid Liver, Biliousncss, or Liver
Complaint" Dyspepsia, and indigestion, it is
M naeqnaled remedy. Sold by druggists.
Price St00, or six bottles for $500.