The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1889-12-05
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Everyday Happenings of Editorial LIh
in the Far West.

contains the following:
PLEASE EXCUsE.-In explanation Of
the absence of our agricultural depart
ment this week, we desire to state that
the literary genius who has been pre-
siding over that department for the
last six weeks is off on drunk this
week. 1t is the prerogative of every
man in this country to get drunk. 1t
is privilege which can't be denied
them with safety. This chap agreed
not to go on spree oftener than once
fortnight, but has been swizzled half
his time. 1t is our third attempt to
run an agricultural department, and it
will be the last. The space will here
after be occupied with recipes for bald
ness, remedies for bow-leggedness, and
short talks on the diseases of mules
and how to cure them. We can steal
this stuff from our exchanges and have
nothing to burden our mind.
GONE HoME.-During the past week
Major O'Connor, Judge Pegram and
Hon. Tacony Jones, shining lights of
| this neighborhood and leading men,
bers of society, have been called for
by Eastern detectives and returned to
their several homes towards sunrise to
be tried for various crimes. While we
are sorry to see our population thus
depleted, we know that justice must
be done. The only wonder is that so
few were called for. We are certain
that at least twenty-five of our leading
citizens break into cold sweat every
time a stranger strikes the town.
He GOT.-We were deputized at a
meeting held in this Office last We'd
nesdaY night to wait on Turkey Bill
and offer him one hour to leave the
town. Turkey is little too previous
for this community in his way of hand.
ling a gun, and it was deemed best to
give him a gentle hint. We found him
in the Gem saloon, offered him his
choice between the highway to Tuscon
and hangman's rope, and he took the
highway. He didn't take the hour,
but started as soon as he could get
glass of whisky and cold rabbit sand
wich.
No REBATE. desire to state in
the most explicit manner that no re-
bate will be allowed to any of our SUBJ
scribers who may be obliged to leave
town for the benefit of the community,
or who may be hung and buried for the
same reason. In several late instances
friends of such subscribers have called
on us and asked to cash up for the un-
expired term, but we have invariably
refused. Subscriptions to the Kicker
run for one year. We contract to de-
liver the paper for that time If the
subscriber is arrested, driven off or
hung it is no fault of ours. Please bear
this in mind and save yourselves
trouble.
He MIsSED.-Our esteemed contem-
porary down the avenue didn't like the
way we showed him up last week, and
on Monday he borrowed revolver
from Sam Adams as long as his leg and
lay in ambush for us at the corner of
Apache and Cactus avenues. As we
appeared, on our way to the post office,
he opened fire, and six shots were fired
at us at distance of no more than ten
feet. Not one of them came within a
foot of US, but the shooter did manage
to wound 5000 mule belonging to
Lew Baker, and to kill $50 dog be-
longing to Judge Stoker. When he
was through shooting we knocked him
down and hammered him until he hol.
Tered. We understand that he has
settled with the others for $3.50 and
that he thinks of leaving town. He'd
better. If he ever had any standing
here he's lost it now for sure. A man
who holds gun in both hands and
shuts his eyes to shoot is of no account
in this district. The coyotes wouldn't
even bark at hin.-Detroit Free Press.