Morning journal and courier., 1889-04-29
ONE.HALF.

If boy and half eat green apple and a half in minute and half, how will they feel in an hour and halfs-Harper's Bazaar Gadby, whose father was 8 circus tumbler, now goes about boasting that he is one of the sons of revolutionary sires.--Boston Transcript
 Breakers Ahead. s'What shall we do with our old clothess" asks a correspondent. Start newspaper to fill @ long felt want; you will need them afterward.-Epoch. Judge-''At first you stole $6O, and then afterwards $4e. Are you never going to do better.' Criminal-"Why, your Honor, did better that time by $2O."-Fliegende Blat- ter.
 When lot of melodies meet in caucuses it is hard for them to believe that they are not the supreme court. The more nobody they are the more supreme they feel.-New Or- leans Picayune.
 "Oh, why should the spirit of mortal be proudg' asks the poet. Dunno, unless it's because he's succeeded in working the pigs into the pen without dislocating his vocab- ulary. Charleston Enterprise.
 Ruskin says that in this world ''the men who look for the straight will see the straight" A poker player would give any thing to discover that MT. Ruskin knew what he was talking about.-Lowell Courier.
 "He-"To-morrow will be the fifteenth anniversary of our marriage" She-"Yes, dear, and I must have $1O, you know. Our wedding ring has never yet been left in pawn over our anniversary. ry."-Jewelers' Weekly.
 Too Much.-''My dear madam, you are perfectly charming tonight" Oh, you are aatterer, l don't believe you" 'I assure you I am speaking the truth. Why, when I first saw you, positively did not recognize you" -Fliegende Blatter.
 A messenger tboy," aged seventy, is in the employ of the Western Union company at Bradford, Conn. messenger boy of that age has probably gone on at least a dozen errands in his career.-Pittsburg Cronicle-Telegraph.
 s'Rag and fish peddlers are allowed to toot their horns in Detroit" says Buffalo paper. Just so, brother, while @ merchant who should stand at his door and blow horn would be ierked to station. Odd, isn't ita Detroit Free Press.
 s'Here's quarter for polishing my shoes," said the the sleeping car to the porter. "Beg pardon, sah," replied the latter, "but us ge'tl'men can't afford to take less'n fifty cents since that last rise in Pull man stock. ."-[Chicago News.
 'sWhat has happened to youi You look so vexed." "I should say so. This morning I was just going to be very angry about some- thing when some one spoke to me, and have been trying the whole day to think what was gong to De angry aooUt, ana cant oo it."-Fliegende Blatter.
 Blobson (to attendant at Turkish bath es- tablishment)- -"How do these baths reduce 8 mans weight:" Attendant-"Thst depends hon the bathin' 'abits of the person, sir. Some men loss nothing; others, like yourself, sir, be quite hapt to lose arf 8 dozen pounds. ."-Burlington Free Press. Spectator to defendant)-"Well. guess
 the jury will find for you. The judges 1 charge was certainly very much in your fa- ! vor. Don't you think soa' Defendant 1 (moodily)-"Oh, knew all along that the ! judges charge would be all right. It's the | lawyers charge that's worrin' me."-Detroit Free Press.
 The Widow Flapjack's son Bill was read | ing newspaper to his lonely widowed moth
 CT. "Read that again, sonny" she said. "The king of Siam is going to send minis 1 ter to Washington" The widow sighed and
 said. "Washington is a bad place to send g l minister. Our family minister went tc | Washington and he never was the same mar | afterward. ."-Texas Siftings.