The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1889-12-21

And when the snow d0tn nercely dow
She'll don her wooden limbings.
-Kearney Enterprise.
~
HE DOES INDEED.
"TC Sunday-school, to Sunday-school,"
The little urchin sings;
There's something in the seasons thrill
That seems to give him wings;
He loves the little cushioned pew,
The teacher, too, loves he,
And very much he loves the fruit
Upon the Xmas tree.
-Yonkers Gazette.
~
Henry Werner is one of the ruling
spirits of the L. A. p. club. At their
dance on Friday evening his hair was
parted in the middle, and he wore a
smile that reached around behind his
ears and was tied in bOw-knot at
the back of his neck.
Henry danced waltz with a beau
tiful young lady at 10 o'clock.
''Say," he remarked, "do you know
where the Worlds Fair will be heidi"
mo. Where?"
Fright here! I'm holding it now"
Charlie Dawell heard of this most
flendish pun, and, with the aid of
other members of the club, forced
Henry down stairs to the ticket table.
where he was forced to remain until
IL o'clock.
They were three honest but not over
sober young men from Zulu. They
stood before the plate-glass windows
of Val Olmstead's Candy Kitchen.
One was particularly under spiritual
"Boysh." he exclaimed, "Boysh!
now wesh standin' front of candy
store--fve Minis go wash in FER
saloon"
Frank about it, at any rate.
~
One of the latest songs of the sea-
son is entitled "White Goats That
Never Butt Easy" 1t was composed
by John O'DOnnell, the atfable young
man who handles the shipping of the
OTTAWA Bottle and Flint Glass Com
pany. who was inspired by his eXpe-
rience when initiated into the uni
form rank Knights of Pythias on Fri
day evening. John attempted to sing
the song at Ed Alshuler'S cigar store
last evening, but was coldly repulsed.
DR.. TrainOr says that his injuries will
not prove fatal.
M
''Forethought," said the Hon. Henry
Mayo, lis like a bolt of chain-light-
ming on a calm, starry night. After
thought is the locking of the cellar
door after the cat has drank all OF the
cream"
''What shall we buy our beauX for
Christmas" asked a pair of sweet
north-side girls of the Man About
Town yesterday afternoon.
The question reminded the Man
that this is just the time of year when
our pretty young girls are bothering
their little heads over this same ques-
ton. Well, girls, buy him box of
cigars, smoking set, pair OF gloves,
a necktie, chest protector-one of
those satin and lambs wool affairs
which prevent the shirt from becom-
ing soiled while en- route to a party
but don't. girls-please don't, buy him
smoking jacket. Let his mother do
that. You at least should have re-
spect for his mother, and the dear
lady should be allowed to buy him
something.
''Do you know" said a well-knOwn
ex-Congressman the other day, that
the people of Washington are about
the best hands at sizing up a mans
pocket that exist in the United
States. They have one rate of charg-
ing for Congressman, another for men
who make 200 per year, another for
$1,000 men, and a fourth for those
earning 81 900 or under"
And yet some people say that it
costs money to live in Ottawa.
Nv
The gentleman was fast approach
ing that condition of imbecility when
one becomes obvious of existence it.
self-eXcepting in dreamy, hazy sort
of way. But nevertheless he carried
his immense jag with an owlish
gravity. There are conditions OF in
tOXicatiOn when an added dignity is
observable. His was one of those con-
ditions. He made not even blunder
until he accosted Capt. Rising's
wooden Indian. 1t was raining. He
looked at the wooden savage IN a
mandlin way. A tear trickled down
his cheek. He went down in his
pocket and produced a bill.
Here, poor fellow" he sobbed. 'go
buy yourself an umbrella. What?
won't take it? Well, man like you
don't need umbrella-you don't know
'nuf to carry one. Got no more SYM
pathy for you. Go way"
And he passed tearfully up the
street.
~
The street-car had just passed the
corner as he sailed around it on a dead
run. He was from Streator. He was
also reckless. He made wild leap
for the car, and when he came down
he punched a hole in the solid gravel
with the seat of his new corduroy pants |
and dropped his false teeth in the mud. |
Mr. Scherer filled the hole with new |
gravel, but the man from Streator |
still takes his meals standing.
Electric Bitters.
This remedy is becoming so we'll known !
and so popular as to need no special men,
hn Elactric Rittarc |