Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-08-05

Always go right, and you won't get
left.
At the average boarding house the oys-
ter is,rarely ''in the soup"
Having without sunshine is harder than
making bricks without straw.
The servant-girl who smashes crockcry
is a very injure-dishes person.
So long as Ireland was silent under her
wrongs, England was deaf to her cries.
sect out o. here" said the hen to the
China egg; ''you don't belong to my set -
"What straits are most perlous?" ask
ed the teacher, and a little boy cried out,
'whiskey straights."
Ifyou have nothing else to do see how
rapidly you can say, "Soup soothes the
osophists thoroughly"
Politician, amt you? he inquired of the
passenger Immediately behind him. Yes /;
how did you know? Breath.
evil you eat philopena with me,
Miss Emily?" ''What if L Loser" "Then
win a kiss" "And if VIM "Then 1
have to kiss you"
Meal-time caller When do you dine?
Precocious little daughter-We always
have TO wait till callers go. I'm getting
awful hungry.
The reporter who said that the ballet
costumes were the wittiest he ever saw,
explained to the city editor that brevity
was the soul of wit.
However could you think of falling in
love with such a homely fellow? His fig
ure is something awful" Eyes; but he
has lovely sum at the bank"
An Irishman, having been told that the
price of bread had been lowered, exclaim-
ed, "This is the first time L ever rejoiced
in the fall of my best friend"
The bread and butter side of life.
s'What wealth OF harmony there is in
your playing, Miss Lulu" 81 should say
so, with lessons at $50 quarter"
First Omahan-And did she return
your love? Second Omahan-She did even
better than that She returned the ring 1
gave her and all the letters 1 had written.
Prestidigitateur During his grand
gold-piece act)-I could take $50 pieces
from your pockets all night. Seedy Indi-
vidual-Go ahead pard; I'll give We half.
On the ocean steamer-Does the cap
tain say whether we shall break the rec
ord 'or not?" eyes. He says that the
lovely!"
Mother-Now, girls, you've finished
your daily quarrel suppose you go and
eat some dinner. Arabella (sarcastically)
Oh, suppose you want us to swallow
our feud.
The interest with which young man
watches the growth of hair on his upper
lip is only equalled by that which the man
of forty watches its disappearance from
the top of his head.
Editors wife-I wonder what can be
the matter with Mrs. Smith; she hasn't
returned my visit yet. Editor absent
ndedly)-Perhaps you neglected to en-
close a stamp.
"Did you divide your bonbons with
your little brother, Mollie?" eyes, man.
ma. 1 ate the candy and gave him the
notices. You know he is awfulIy fond
of reading"
She-What do you think of this fad of
having the hand photographed? He-I
think pretty girl can have her hand
taken without going to the photograph
er'g.
Visitor-So your sister is off on visit,
Willie. 1 suppose you feel lonesome
without her? Five-year-old Willie (dubi-
ously)-Ye-s, / feel lonesome-but-Im
good deal more comfortable.
Boston heiress-I'm afraid it is not for
me, but for my money that you come
here so often. Ardent wooer-You are
cruel to say SO. How can get your mon
ey without getting you?
Perdita-I can not, 1 will not, marry
you, Alfred, against your mothers wish
es. Alfred-I wish you were not so
Perdita-It Is not because / am sensitive;
it is because your fathers estate is left at
her disposal.