Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1889-12-26

Professor, 81 find that cannot perform
the experiment of imitation, as the wind
machine is out of order"
There was a great groan of disap-
pointment. "However," added the Pro-
lessor, suddenly, ~ may be able to pro
vide substitute. Is there gentleman
from Chicago in the audience ~
brakes Magazine.
NOTHING EXTRAORDINARY.
The Major lat inspection want to
compliment You, sir, ON the faultless
manner in which your blanket and over
coat are rolled. 1t is perfection.
Private Bimley (under his moustache)
-Four years practice in Ford an Gay
lor's flannel department orter do some
thin fer man Puck.
DOTS HYGIENE PRINCIPLES.
Dots mother was an invalid, and dur
ing visit to relatives in Boston Dot
had heard good deal about the neces-
sity of fresh air.
One day soon after her return Dots
mother found her in an uncomfortably
cramped position, with her little lnquisi-
tive nose glued fast to the key-hole.
"Why, Dot" said her mother Curl
ously, "what are you trying to doa"
Dot removed her face long enough to
reply sniffingly, '1'm twyin' to get a
bwef OF fwesh air. Judge.
sruMpED.
First Little Boy-My pops a Metho-
dist; what's yours?
Second Little Boy-Mine is theoso-
phist.
"Theosophist9 What's thatG"
81 don't know"
"Why don't you ask your popg"
al did, but, from they way he looked,
/ guess he doesn't know, either. - New
York Weekly.
THOUGHTFUL PARENT.
Thoughtful Parent Henry, why viii
YOU consent to be good-for-no thing
all your life 2"
Henry-But, father, / can't get any
thing to do and you know I've tried
hard enough.
Thoughtful Paie nt-Nonsense Your
chances are as good as your brother
Johns. Two years ago he hadn't
cent to his name. What did he dog
Why, he Just went to work starting fra
ternal insurance societies and now
look at him he's worth fifty thousand
if he's worth a dollar Boston Tran
script.
DREADFUL
Petie-We had howible WOW at the
club, don'tcher know.
Cholly-What was it
Petie-Why, Dickey tore Dolly's bou-
tonniere out of his coat, and Dolly
Invoke Dickey's eyeglnwss. IL was a
scene of awful violence
Cholly-Did-di either of them die 7
II Life.
FARM-YARD REPARrEE.
"Hello. Punch" called the rooster in
the farm yard.
"Why Punch \" queried the turkey.
"'Cause you'll soon be stuffed with
chestnuts," laughed the tough old cock.
TRULY THE ONE.
I've won herl I've won herl he shouted in
But when welded life had begun
He was not week in discovering that she
Was really and truly the one
Boston Courier.
A GOOD REASON.
Railroad President-Did it ever occur
to you that very few trains are struck by
lightning!
Employee sir.
Pie .ident-Can You account for it
Employee have thought that it
might lie because the trains have good
conductors. II Kerney Enterprise.
LITTLE THoUGHTLEss.
A.-So that is your wife9 Splendid
woman You ought to be proud.
B.-So am-only she is a bit thought
less. For instance, / sent her to town
the other day with heap of money to
buy me a dozen shirts, and what do
you think she brought home-a new
bonnet. Il Charivari.
HIS OWN MASTER.
Mr.. Bluff chest, at a little dinner of
male friends)-Yes, gentlemen, l hold
that every man should be master of his
own house. There is no other way.
Well, as you are all through, gentle
men, suppose we adjourn to the library
for a smoke.
Waggish Guest-Why not smoke here
in this grand old dining halle
Mr.. Bluff-Um-e Bluff won't
let us.-[New York Weekly.