The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-26
FOUND IN ADVERTISEMENTS.
Really One of the Most Amusing and
Interesting Portions of the Paper.

Really One of the Most Amusing and
Interesting Portions of the Paper.
From the London Standard.
1t Is time-honOred practice with the
professional humorist to raise the necessary
laugh by INVITING women with a prefer
| ence for the advertisements over the news
columns of the daily journals. Give one of
the sex paper, they say, and she will i'm
mediately rivet her attention on the adver-
tisements. Granting, for the sake of argu-
ment, that there Is a substratum of truth in
this quip, it yet remains debatable ground
whether or not she does not show a supe-
rlor wisdom to those who give priority of
perusal to the cablegrams, the law reports.
the parliamentary debates, the political
| speeches or the leaders.
Advertisements, properly prospected, pan
out richly IN all the qualifications necessary
for entertaining reading-in instruction, in
romance, in pathos, in freshness of ideas
and in humor, which, being frequently un-
intentional, is by no means less amusing on
| that account. Indeed, many of the comic
papers often contain testimony to the fact
| that their cOmpilers have discovered gold
mines In the mass OF wants-SometmeS
curious necessities curiously expressed
which are daily set forth in their appor-
toned space IN the Journals of the country
The agony" column is VIGOROUSLY WORTH
watching, but the mysterious messages con-
veyed through that medium do not by any
means monopolIZe all the romance of adver-
tsements, nor all the humor. 1t is said, if
the reader be sentimental or diverting if
he or she be callous to the exquisite emo
tons Of the tender correspondents. to hear
from "Rose Blush" that time will not
change her love, aud that the fragrance of
1t remains as sweet odor, and as the
breath of life;N or that ''Violetn intends to
meet her lever loving Caters at the dear
old haunt when the clock strikes TO-" But
there are sterner romances than these, of
which glimpses are frequently obtained
among the small type announcements
which are SO frequently skipped by the
reader. The romance of the fortune hunter
is there, and many of the misdeeds of dar-
ing criminals are exposed to the views of
the readers Of the lads" by the police an
Inducements.
BENEFIT IN READING ADVERTISEMENTS.
The reading of advertisements, more so
than the perusal of any other part of the
newspaper, draws one into the busy marts
| OF life, JoStieS one against the crowd, touches
| one with pity, or repels one with greed;
brings one into sharp contact with sharp
men, who are conspiring in some deep plot
to oetray, deceive or defraud some trusting
person, and shows one love, misery, ambition
and despair II all their phases supplying one
| with the keynote to a hundred dramatic
| situations. If one is interested in the world
of inventions it Is in the advertising col
umn that the earliest knowledge is obtain
| able Of the most recent device, from the
latest improvement of a domestic or
culinary utensil to SO remarkable an in
vention as that recently Inounced for the
| especial benefit of yachtsmsn, namely,
aerial yachts, ship-formed navigable bal
looms, propulsion and steering perfect,
powerful and facile, capable of accommo-
dating from two to twenty persons
The column for "houses and apartments
shows rise and fall of fortune, change of
location. bringing together or separation
OF frlendS-perhapS tamilies-mayb be lovers.
NO end of romance may attach to a lost
umbrella, and the steps necessary for its
| restoration. An auction sale announcement
may besignifcant of the dissolution of some
family. or tue downfall of a great man.
The Wanted Situations column is full of
pathetic stories CURLY narrated-three-line
tales OF privatlon, struggle, despair, hero
ism aud long-Sufering. The advertisements
| of silks and laceS, rare flowers and costly
jewels, tell of gaiety and wealth.
The announcement Of the toy shops
| conjure up thousand fancies of childish
recollection and enjoyment, and the law
| yers' welcome notices of something to ones
| advantage IF this should meet the eye.n
| suggests many a pleasant theme of patient
waiting and cheerful endurance being at
length rewarded by kindly bequest. The
nature of legacies, too, as disclosed by tell
tale ads" is an Interesting field for
| observation, and one cannot help smiling at
the endeavors of a legatee to dispose of such
inheiritances as old family heirlooms
precious to the testator, but despised by the
disappointed heir.
| THE HUMOR OF ADVERTISEMENTS
To the humane the advertisement columns
| offer many Inducements for perusal How
| pleasant for them to turn from the police
court records of brutality to dumb animals
to the distressed prayers of bereaved mas
| ters and mistresSes who have lost some
feline or canine pet, and to read, for in
| stance: Two pounds reward. Strayed
| from No. Prince of Wales Terrace. Ken.
Sington, a white PomeranIan dog, old and
nearly Blind the hair on the back of his
neck worn away" Almost every announce
ment dlscloSeS some view of human
nature, or awakens a material inter
est. 1t is pretty safe to say that in
the advertisement of one issue of a London
| daily there is more exciting mystery than
in a novel by Wilkie Collins. Take the fol
lowing: between September to middle
November, 1883. Lady, about 80, gentle-
man, 80, lunched out nearly every day ex
cept Sunday; food, probably fish and fowl:
drink, red vine or champagne. Real infor-
nation rewarded. For interview address ~
etc. To people weary Of chess problems or
business plans, what fl Ie exercise for the
ingenuity is provided by such an announce
ment, and the motive for which such curious
information is desired
To the humor of advertisements. both
conscious and the reverse, there is no end
Dickens and Mark Twain in their hapDiest
moments We're not more mirtl compelling
than some of the lines hidden away in the
obScurlty of the announcements of the great
public through the medium OF the newspa-
per. Would the lady who wore away in
mistake square black lace shawl from the
Freemason's hail, and left instead a black
cotton ditto, kindly return it," is getting
too frequent IA type to prove so amusing
now; but 1t is still suggestive and provoca.
tive Of smile, except to the lady who has
suffered from the unequal exchange.
much fresher phase of amusing advertise
mentS was the recent naive request of a
young Polish lady, who, being ''desirous of
cultlvating her musical talent, begs the AS
ststance of kind friends to enable her TO
procure piano, which her parents can not
afford to purchase"
| WHIMSICAL ADVERTISEMENTS.
| Advertisements in which the omission of
a comma dlstorts the meaning and exhibits
the potency Of that little stop. might he
l mn how at in