The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-01-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A private affair-A musket.


The King of Greace-Pete Roleum.
A brassworker-An insurance agent.
"a writing pen"-An editorial sano-
tum,
a mailbag capture of hus-
band.
A high-handed proceeding Setting
town cock.
1t doesn't hurt a missionary to be shot
in his tracts.
Real estate transfers-Boys throwing
mud at each other.
The ups and downs of life are better
than being down all the time.
Raining cats and dogs is surely no
worse than hailing strangers. life.
What's the matter with a bowling
mob! It's all riot. Washington Critic.
Face powder does not always help a
young woman to go OF quickly in the
matrimonial market.
"Your laundress appears to be very
old" Eyes; she belongs to the iron
age. e."-BoSt1H Gazette.
A pretty girl don't object to reflections
on herself when they come from a look
llles glass '-- L'uHSCtttt DECG-c.
Dogs are said to speak with their tails.
Would it be proper, therefore, to call a
short-tailed dog stump orator.
Adam had one thing III his favor. Eve
couldn't ask him whether he had loved
any other woman before he met her
Whene'er mine infant hlts his voice
In accents far from mellow,
HIS lace and lungs suggest SYM
Phony in red and yell-oh!
Boston Courier
A lot of little bootblacks perched on
a curbstone may not be India rubber
boys. yet they are gutter perchers. -
SDtings.
When your last months bill at your
butchers is still unpaid it won't do 10
order a roast; it's more diplomatic to
ask for one.
"And do you say ! am not n good
matchmaker No one ever left his watch
here to be repaired that he didn't come
a second time.
Little Girl --"I asst Cwistmas | hung
up my stockings. What did you hang
up" Absent-minded Nisitor-"My
atch."-SVtmgs.
George (taking in the dime museum
"What's that, pope" Pop--"That's a
mummy" Georgie-"Too stiff to speak
to anybody, amt he"
"What game do you scholars play the
most" Inquired one of the school trus-
tees. "Hookeym cried the boys in
unison. - Harpe,'s Bagdr.
A Berlin scientist asserts that salt is
conducive to longevity, but he seems to
lose sight of the fact that it destroys
freshness. .-Neio YOrG SHA.
Magistrate Ito Chinaman) what is
your complaint against this young manp
ChinamPn unable to colle.t a laundry
bill)-"He too muchee by-and,by
Whene'er hear the banjo's wild
LuguJTious ting a-lingy
| think It's like spring chick most tough,
And very, very stringy.
Boston Courier
Cntipred Waiter (meaningly,---
"Haven't you forgotten something, sir.'
Guest (meditatively) ly)--"U Um-er-let me
see. o, yes forgot the toothpicks
Thank you. "-PtHadeiphd RtorL
"Well, Mildred, remarked Amy the
morning after the election, 'the iig's
up" "Yes," replied the High School
Girl, "that variety of dance is altitudin-
Ously elevated. ~ BUriiEgt0R FrCe Press.
AFTER AN INTERVIEW WITH A BOOK AGENT.
"Ithink, asserted the Boston maid,
For him the proper term is
A horrid skin but prefer
To dub him an epidermisn -
-Ne,0 ork Sun.
An American, who has just returned
from Spain, says that the infant King
of that country has passion for bologna
sausage. II is not often that love for
the mysterious is developed in a child OF
such tender years. -Norri torn Herald.
"No, young man. said the eweler,
"I'm sorry, but l can't give you an ad
vertisement. You see, Pm troubled with
heart disease, aud my physician has Or
dered me TO stop advertising, so that I
may enjoy absolute rest and qmet."--
JeUsisrs' Weekly.
SPECIMEN or A NONSENSE VERSE.
"Ah! who has seen the mailed lob ter rise,
Clap her broad wings and, soaring cla' tue
skies.
When did the owl, descending from her
hover,
Crop md the feecy iocks the tender fowsri
Or the young heifer plunge, with plant limb
In the salt wave aud, fish like, strive to
awimp
The Progress Of Man.
II is estimated that one hal the drugs
imported into the United States are