The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-04-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

gather report-a thunder-clap.-
Es Bulletin.
theatrical manager is known by
Ampany he keeps.-LJe.
intermittent ache is like serial
s-continued next tweak.-BoSto1
er.
Sen man is victorious he crows.
he loses he must eat the crow
Orleans Pcdyu'ae.
reat many girls say mo" at first;
ike the photographer. they know
70 retouch their negatives. --Puc6.
M on the left side says q health
1&lal. If it had been law journal
huld have said "Lie on both Sides"
-AStoa Courier.
s&lly the first baby is favored with
vis# S from the angels in its sleep. A
littA peppermint is what the others
ge1-1erre Haate EapreSS.
y is said that prominent Italian
Connt will shortly set the fad of simply
wearing a plain yellow pawnticSct at
the end of the watch chain.-Jet0eiers'
Weekly.
A man hasn't much of an opinion of
himself after nights folly, and yet,
strange to say. that's the time when he
has a case of "big head. ."-BoSteR
Courier.
Now that we are going to have new
navy, it might be n good idea to have
n new army, too. The officers must be
tired of hunting for the old one with q
felescope.-PWc&.
Uncle George-Do YOU like to have
such long hair? Charley-No, I'd
rather have it short myself, but NAM
ma wants me to look like one of those
d-d cheruhs.-LUe.
Alanguage in which forged checks
and counterfeit money are uttered" is
of a peculiar grammatical construction
so much so that it cannot be passed.
--Baitiaore -Amc,fcda.
Long ez yo' got pantry full dar's
no trouble abo't tin'in' 'nutf toe eat din
nah wild yo'; but hit er laikly dat wen
yo' er in hah'd luck yo' won't meet
one dat knows yo' in n days walk
Jstdge.
The philosophers wife - Lionel.
which do You consider the greatest i'm
portanee of the final questions of life.
the shave been" or the might have
been?H The philosopher (sadly)-
Inc coal Dlu.-l-Uts
Minister dining with the family)
Bobby, | suppose when you grow up
10 be n man You will want to be au
earnest Christian, won't YOU? Yes,
sir, If it doesn't interfere with being
drum-major. Time.
Mike the Slugger admiriug a
strangely r)-''Therc's feller wot could
make heap o money if he'd take to
prize-fightin'. Sam the Sport-"No,
he couldn't. know him; he's tongue
tied. Philadelphia Record.
s.Do You think my editorials on the
sin of chewing tobacco have any eff
fect?" asked reformer of gentle
man whom he had in the corner
asYcs. l know they do. They always
remind me that want a chew WASH
ingtOR Post.
Mrs. Society-s'Have YOU invited
all of your and your husbands gentle
men frieuds?" Mrs. De Fashion-'.All
of mine. but none of my husbands. If
/ should invite his he would miss them
at the club and feel lonely, poor DEAR
philadelphia Record.
The young ladies uf Kansas town
have formed an association and will
send their beaux home promptly at 10
O'Clock. The only reasonable solution
of this lies in the probability that the
boys have been in the habit of leaving
about 9.-Peorid Transcript.
Little Peter Frayedback-Say boss!
that's my mother over there buying
slippers. Shoe-dealer-Yes? Little
Peter-You tell her that ones made of
worsied with padded soles is tn most
stylish, an you gets free ticket to
our next Injun show.-Jadge.
Theatrical dressmaker - a. What
This dress too low in the neck? WhT.
1t isn't half as low as the dresses of
ladies who occupy the boxes Great
actress-''True, but an actress must
pay some regard to the proprieties,
You know. Philadelphia Record.
Boracks-How is your novel selling.
Wagstaff? Wagstaff-Pretty well. /
got out second edition, you know,
with all the Objectionable passages
suppressed. Boracks-And did that
help the sale any? Wagstatf-Of the
first e1itiOn, yes.-Ie're Haute E1-
press.
Gilhooiy-It seems to me that there
are fewer marriages than ever before.
wonder what is the cause of it? Gus
de Smith-If young ladies would learn
TO stick pin in their apron strings so
that it wouldn't scratch a fellows
wrist there would be more marriages.
-Tsras Siftings.
Hostess-'.Do take some more of the
pudding. Mr.. Snibbins." Suibbins-
.'Mv dear Mrs Bunderby,I couldn't eat
another mouthful. I've eaIen so much
already that | can hardly speak"
Hostess-''Do try little more-just a
little more; if only to please me, Mr.
Snibbins. Boston Transcript
Young wife Gin boarding-house to
husband See, George, have washed
out couple of handkerchiefs this
morning and saved 10 cents laundry.
George Enthusiastically are
little treasure. i am going right out
now and buy an extra cigar. Economy
is wealth.-St. Paul Iioneer Press.
''If you don't want me to know
where you've been, Harry, when you
come home this way" said Il wife To
her late and somewhat demoralized
husband, ''you had better run upstairs
when you are coming TO bed" why
sho, m dear?' Because by running
upstairs you will lose your breath. y
Boston Courier.
Western lady-''And so your daugh-
ter is going to marry Western mani
Is he a farmer. manufacturer, Or"
Eastern lady (haughlily)-"He is
gentleman of leisure" Western lady
do you mean that he makes money
without working?" Certainly" ..Ah!