Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1889-06-22
some Hint. to women.


A clever writer i'm the New Orleans
Times Democrat submits the following
satirical views on the domestic problem.
Assuredly IL woman Is not happy, virtu-
Gus and wise il must be through her own
peryersity, for she has multitude OF
counsellors ready and eager to point out
the way. II is especially In her character
good advice-her fuliillment Of the function
tending solely, we need hardly say, toward
the comfort and well being of her husband.
Important truths can never be dwelt upon
too insistently. Therefore, 1t may not be
amiss to recapitulate the few simple rules by
following which women can insure domestic
felicity. First of all, whatever may be her
husbands vagaries, she must always greet
him with smile on her face and a rose In
her hair. Very old-fashioned authorities
add blue ribbon to this outfit-and thus
airily attired the ideal wife hoyers upon
the Threshold, awaiting her lords return
from business or pleasure. 1t may be
suggested that at certain seasons of the
year the rose would he a luxury scarcely
harmonious with that strict domestic econ
omy enjoined upon the model housewife.
Likewise, there might be occasions when
the unfailing smile would assume to the
hOmecomer the expression Of q sardonic
grin. But these are the vulgar objections
Of sordid minds, and, as such, we may
turn away from them.
To every true wife we say earnestly: +:
"Let policy, policy, policy be your
plosive, and must be dealt with accord
ingly. Handle him gently; touch him
with care let no rude shock disturb his
precariously balanced equanimity. Exer-
else all the caution used by those who
work in gunpowder mill, or the crash of
matter and the wreck of worlds may be the
consequence of your rashness. Never
venture to approach him by any but the
most circuitous route. Circumvent him by
all means. Outwit him whenever 1t is
feasible. Any attempt at straightforward
course will be judged by your husband as
Marjorie said of the multiplication table,
" is what nature itself can't endure" Any
manual relative to the management of
mules or the driving of pigs may be profit
ably studied by the wife who Is anxious to
pick up a hint wherever she can. See that
he is well fed, lest he turn again and rend
you, for it is but step from leg of mutton
to wife; and be careful not to intrude ir-
relevant matters upon his attention during
feeding time.
But household comfort and economy are
but small part of the duties of wife.
Her children must be always well dressed
and well-mannered, brought forward at
the proper moment and withdrawn from
public attention when no longer needed
she herself must be invariably arrayed
Win TASTE social clalnls must De recOR-
nized; she must relinquish none of her
early accomplishments, and must keep
herself informed concerning literature,
science, politics, dc. She must he careful,
also, TO preserve what beauty she may
have possessed upon entering the holy
state of matrimony. If woman grows
thin, or loses her youthful bloom, it must
| be assumed that she has done so with
malice aforethought, OF, at least, that the loss
| is the result of bad management. Above
Iall, she must be gay and sprightly. Upon
her rests the responsibility ofmaking home
a bright, attractive spot, and ofkeeping her
husband from striying OIL to the club, or
/ other haunts of vice. When the evening
hour comes she must cajole him into the
parlor, made beautiful by her refined taste,
| pnd then, gently touching the piano keys,
| let her play one of those dear, old-time airs
which may strike the chord of memory in
his savage breast. 1t makes no difference
whether she has headache or any other
ache, or has been kept up half the night by
! CRYING infant. She will feel richly re-
warded for such triiling conquest of self
when her husband falls into an apprecia-
tive slumber upon the sofa Let the wife
follow these simple maxims and her part
ner win not often ask, Is marriage fail
urep'