davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19
FULL OF FUN


When you feel like calling big
man liar, be sure you're right then
use the telephone.
The porcupine has no more back.
bone than any other animal. though he
has any number Of spines. -Terro
Haute Express.
The Duke-"And here. madam, Is
where my forefathers lie buried"
Mrs. Noovoich-'.Massy! Mr.. Dock.
was you poor mother married four
times?"
Gentle Applicant-'I read your
advertisement for gOverness. and !
have called to see about it." Profess
sor Won Greutz-So?' Gentle Appli.
cant-"Yes. little. and I'm q daisy
knitter. besides. Puck.
Aspiring Author-"Wasn't there
any thing in the letters 1 sent you that
you could use?' Practical Editor
"Yes; the stamps you inclosed for
their return we used. but there was
nothing else available. Omaha
World.
Small Bob ION the slaewaIk)-
Ma. MAJ look out Of the window"
Ma Quitting her head out Of the win
dow)-..What is it?" Bob (pointing to
his playmate)-..Mike didn't believe
you were SO cross-eyed."-San Fran.
cisco Wasp.
-"Why are the stars hung SO
high?" asked Ro llo. looking out OF the
window upon the star-gemmed canopy
of Heaven. $50 that the class Of 49,"
said his uncle George. who graduated
in '73. .'can walk around at night with
out knocking of its hats-"-BrOsklyn
Eagle.
Il am very much opposed to prize
fighters" said a travelling man. ''Well.
that isn't remarkable" responded an
other. If you will notice. you will
observe that the prize fighters are fre-
quently opposed to each. other. ."-Mer'
chant Traveller.
-"Mistah Johnsing. I t'ink you's
suffering wild affection OBJ de heart.
Yo' heartbeats is terrible irregular" F"
Oats all right. doctor; but, sab. yo'
has yo' ear right gin my watch. an 1t
hain't varied a mint In de las free
months. sab. Wild all respect to yo', l
guess I'll go ter some older practition-
er, sah."
Mistress Mora. what was that
gibberish that Michael was talking to
you in the kitchen last EVENING""
Nora (who is sweet on Michael the
hostler) -..He was talkin' to me in
Clan-na Gael. mum. an sorra word can
/ tell ye. for himself didn't give me the
thranslation nv it ut all. at an ''aAAr-
-Tramp-..Your barn was burned
about two months ago. 'ma'am."
Farmers Wife - .Yess...rramp-
.Well, a chum of mine sSt il. on fise
that you might get tho. insurance
money. and he asked msto cap around
and see if you'd got it yet. and see il
you'd give him few dollars, Of it."
Farmers Wife-"You'll not get a cent
Of the insurance here" Tramp-''Very
we'll. ma'am. but you mustn't feel hurt
il my friend never sets any moro Of
vo,ir bnildincs on fire en-EpOch.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19
VIVA" AM.

have no feet, and yet with hsada
Inever cease my ttreless run;
work in all the eIimes and landa
10 arctic Zone and tropic sun.
t'inions have, yet can not nv.
Aitho' good time" I always mskes
Awear cap. but wear it sly,
And wear It sleeping or awake.
No comm lid shall hide my form
And yet beneath . lid I live.
Dciying dust and rain, and storm
Preparedth the best Of work % give.
never had . case at law
And yet without case, fear,
Ashould possess monstrous flaw
And life would be . thing most drear.
Of Jewels Ihave ample store
Fine Jeweas, too, that please the eye:
would not could not wish for moro.
Tho I possessed the means 70 buy,
IhA'e no head. Aut have face
Aisce that's looked at everywhere-
NO woman, With her charms and RraCa,
receives greater need OF care.
And set no relatives haveI:
And, tho my lines without q blotch,
live TO work. unwept die;
Alas, alas. I'm but watch!
Jewelers' Weekly.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19

mot by q good DEAL" returned
Reed. IF they shoot I'll have the
satisfaction Of making one or two
good Indians before they lay me out.
The tableau continued for several
minutes. Tne interpreter was called
into the stockade. and he mounted
box and attempted to explain the situ-
alton to the angry Indians. They
would have none of it and choked him
of with decisive yells. An old and
dignitied-looking Indian had been
closely watching Reed the while. He
never took his beady eyes from the
white mans face. After painful wait
OF more than ten minutes, the old chief
motioned to the bucks on the stockade
and mounted barrel and began to
harangue them excitediy. They did
not attempt to cry the old warrior
down. Evidently he was chief o!
some Importance in the tribe. He was
most vituperative in his abuse Of his
fellow Indians. He called them
''squaw men" and other Indian epi-
thets OF a like character. He ac-
cused them Of cowardice in their
treatment of the cheap brave
white Grief" as he termed Reed.
The old Indian intermixed With his
abuse the explanation that Re eA had
not shot the Indian. but had shot a: and
hit the steer, and that bone rad
glanced and cut the bucks face. TSe
old warrior changed the tide in favcr
of the white man. The Indians lower
ed their weapons. and they forgot tho
shooting incident in their greedy rush
for the meat rations. Later the ol6
Indian came up to Reed and heartily
shook his hand.
Indians squaw men," he gruntod.
''One brave white cowed them all;
none brave enough to shoot / like
you: Buckskin great chief" And
Colonel Reed encountered no further
difficulties growing out OF this occur
renee.
Colonel Reed finally settled down on
a ranch near Pierre. and later ern-.ed
in the city hotel which now occapies
his time. He is about fifty yeas old
and of athletic build. He is very bit
ter in his hatred Of Indiars. He de-
clares that the surest way to civilize
an Indian is to kill him. He il not in
sympathy with the Government mode
Of treatment OF the Indians. Had
Colonel Reed his way the redskins
would be driven of the reservation by
force and compelled to 'hustle" for
livelihood. as white men are forced to
do -MinneanoliS Ionrnal
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19
NO CHECKS CAsHEo.


Fly Eotel Clerk Proves That He II No
Judge of HuMAn Nature.
]. You have probably observed in your
travels" said the hotel clerk. ''the
sign hung out at the cashiers desk in
all leading hotels: No money loaned
or checks cashed herer Those signs
are hung out to protect the hotel from
dead beats, and they serve the pur-
pose to a certain extent. We make a
mistake now and then, as was the case
here couple of weeks ago. An old
codger came along with an eld-fash-
ioned sachel. and he looked 90 hard up
and rusty that gave him the poorest
room in the house. and asked for a
deposit of five dollars. He made it.
and gave him no further attention.
At the end of a week he came up to
settle his bill. and when gave him
the figures he pulled out check book
and filed up check for the amount
Cant take it, said, a. I showed
it back. a..
".Whyr
SCOT beat too often.'
".But it's good
MAY be-
".Well. l have no currency. and
must pay you by check; very few peo-
pie refuse them
Look here. old fellow I replied,
my mad coming up. If you think to
beat this house you will get left!
Either come down with the bill or
you'll 60 to jailr
HE took up the check, filed In an-
other for $20O. 900 on a Chicago Ma
tional bank. and handed it over with
the remark: sst
Please step over to the bank and
ask them to assure themselves that
this would bo honored in Chicago
Il vent over to q National bank,
and inside Of an hour Chicago had an
swered that a check signed by the old
man for half a million dollars was a.
good AZ gold had made . mistake
in sizing my man up"
s'.But who was he?''
He is Familiarity known ~ Old
Hutch.' king Q. the wheat ring."-N.
7. Sun.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19

1t is said that the Portland (Ore.
Board of Oh arities tried to induce the
street beggars. blind hand-organ
grinders. and pencil peddlers. and the
like to accept aid and leave the street.
but found that most OF them were
making handsome wages begging. and
couldn't be hired for any reasonable
sum to giFe up their lucrative occupa,
lions.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19
FORESTS AND. FLOODS.

How the Soil Il Protected by HcavJ
Growths Of Timber.
The recent appalling disasters from
food call attention to the subject OF
the planting OF lands with timber in
localities where an unusually large
rainfall may be gathered into narrow
and deep valley. Cleared lands shed
the heavy rains as a roof does, without
time even for the water to penetrate
the soil, and the surface soil is con-
stantly washing down to lower levels.
A short stay in n mountain country
where the land is mostly all covered
with timber. but especially the narrow
valleys through which, the rivers and
their tributary streams or branches
hOw. affords a most conspicuous ex-
ample of the value Of this protection
to the soil. In one locality. year ago.
eleven inches of rain fell in one night
during less than twelve hours. and
the total rainfall of eleven con-
secutive days in which the rain
did not cease for a minute was
thirty-one inches. And yet no damage
was done; not a mill dam even was
swept away, nor a bridge. rough and
.ramshackle'' as these constructions
are. The soft porous ground. covered
with dense thickcts Of laurel growing
in deep. soft, black, spongy soil. held
back the water. and in no case did tho
ilow OF the streams exceed q rise oi
five feet, where the watershed supply
ing them included an area OF twenty
five to forty square miles The high
water lasted several days as the rain
ceased. and the streams were full for
q month afterward. Examples like
this and the damaging floods tell a
story which should sink deep into the
minds Of all concerned in preventing
tho damages and catastrophes which
occur for want Of protection to tho sur
face of the narrow watersheds.
The planting Of trees, too, upon a
large portion Of farm lands would con-
vert them from pro6tless or losing
property into profitable and useful
lands. 1t can not be too frequently or
earnestly enforced that well-cared-for
timber lands judiciously planted with
the right varieties OF trees are more
profitable than average arabic lands.
and much more SO than the average
pasture. Even worthless lands Of no
present value except as storage for
water ipr springs or the supply OF
stream@ may be made to produce some
OF the most valuable timber trees.
Conseaj jcMly< the Study Of forestry
is as important q Farmers. and espe-
cially to their sons, &as That OF the cult
ure Of ordinary cf6pa 1t would give
. new interest TO the young men in
their parents occupation. would offer
them an investment promising future
profits which would tend to keep them
at homo instead Of crowding as vic
Tins to- the dangers and disaproint-
ments Of 1.-THE ungrateful cities;" il
would reduce the excessive production
Of too common farm crops, and would
greatly increase the salubrity OF the
rural diStricts. while it would have its
certain beneficial effects upon the at
mosphe1e, cooling ard moistening ii
and hold &ink back the rnin-fail SOFAS r.
prevent hoods. and as we'll continuing
the moderate Mafer supply 80 ~ =
sprevsue dN66hta~N y. ..TNDeA' . :
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19
/. She Wanted a Veteran.

Old Mrs. Smiley-Next time GET
took down sick. my dear. ! wish yon
would6t have that there young sFig
Of q doctor come to attend r. me- l.
don't 10 much on young doceorA NO
how. sssA
Mr.. Smiley-Well. Maria, Who would =
you lilcb to have me callas. sssf = 3
Mrs. S-rve kinder took notioo to :
that doctor around the oosaes -lsdup-t
no much about him; bat Isee he's ept, .
. sign out. Veterinary SurgeoR'"a and.
I think he must be . man d-sxperi-
laDceS~sAnelpcaS E-~~ ..S
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19

The pnce fighting Modoc Indians
have becfme Industrious farmers in
',he past delve years. and half ri them
kaye proNSsed 'CAfistiadty; @~D 2
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19

1t has been demonstrated by those
who made special experiments to de-
termine the matter OF feeding for fat
or lean. that a steer or hog can be
made to attain heavy weight. with q
fair proportion OF fat and lean. by feed
ing for lean rs by the former method
Of feeding to secure weight of fat only.
The relative cost Of each system Of
production is nearly the same, but the
quantity Sf the carcasses that were
evenly interspersed with both fat and
lean were far superior to the carcasses
that largely abounded In fat
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1889-10-19

Ten years ago a man near Lexing.
ton. KY, lad twenty-four sheep bitter
by dogs. Since that time he has poi
s6ned and bhot over three hundred ca.
mines, and ks stiu engaged iq bis GA
,rjpUs word p
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-13
MUNICIPALITIES.

Mrs. Josephine r. Nichols. Of Indian
apoIis, is superintendent of the depart
ment of eXpositions in the Worlds w.
G.. r. u, and goes to Paris to arrange
for the sale of white ribbon literature,
ETC., at the great exposition there in
1880.
+ Gen. Harrison's Inauguration shoes
have just been completed by New
York shoemaker. They are button shoes,
of patent leather, with sheepslin tops,
and the size is 6l1z. 1t is not stated, but
it is presumed that they are furnished
with substantial copper tipped toes.
Miss Susanna Warfeld, who resides
near Sykesville, Carroll county, Nd,
composed the march played al. the in
augural ball of "Tippecanoe" Harrison.
and her friends want it played at the
Inauguration of his grandson, March 4.
Miss Warfield, who is wealthy, is aged
over ninety years.
John Grundy, of Polk county, is the
largest nIan in Arkansas. He is six
feet ten inches in height, weighs 32S
pounds, is active, and in strength is
equal to three men,. Still he entertaHs
wholesome regard for the opinions of
Mrs. Grundy.
Parker Pillsbury, the veteran abo-
litionist, lectured in Boston recently.
Cenversationaily he expressed the opin-
ion that efforts to introduce prohibi-
tory law effected by political move
ment, rather than as the result of pub
lie sentiment, cannot produce much
good.
John Wanamaker's country place at
,JeukintoWn, Pa. is his pride and Joy.
He has fine collection of cattle, and
his flowers are very valuable. His roses
and orchids are worthy of note, and his
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-13
WHAT EDITORS SAY.

The Register has made a canvass of
most of the attorneys of this county in
regard to the bill before the legislature
which changes the jury system SO as to
permit three-fourthS of the jurors to re-
turn verdict. With very few excep-
lions these opinions are opposed to the
change, believing that an unanimous
vote is most likely to insure better de-
liberation. and that it is safer to run the
chances of a second trial than to permit
three-fourths OF the jurors to decide the
case.-Mankato Review.
Without the insolvency act any cred
itor could at any time start movement
which would set all other creditors upon
a wild scramble to secure what they
could. The result can be easily fore
seen. 1t is to be hoped no such reac-
tionary measure will receive even the
slightest consideration by the Mime
sofa legislature. Its only aim seems to
be to benefit collection agencies, at the
peril Of wrecking the business of the
State.-Winona Herald.
Senator-eleet Washburn fears, so it is
said, that our German population would
be an obstacle to our going to war with
Germany. This opinion, from such an
exalted source, demands an expression
from some of our distinguished German
American citizens. Let us hear from
Albert Scheffer before we throw down
the gauntletto Bismarck. dawson Sem
tinel.
A petition was circulated here last
week in the interest of j. ". Monroe,
Of Morris, who desires the appointment
as consul to Halifax. The petition was
generally signed by our citizens. The
position pays about $1,000 per year.-
Browns Valley Reporter.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-13
CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION

The bill introduced by Senator SoHEF-
FER yesterday, providing for the call OF
constitutional convention, is meas
ure that has already been too long de-
ferred. If there ever was a state that
needed a new constitution, Minnesota
is that state. The patched, ineongruous
affair we now call our state constitu-
ton does not merit the name. 1t was
crude instrument in the beginning, yet
it answered the purpose of the state i'll
those pioneer days. Butwe have grown
the light Of civilization that the
authors Of our state constitution
never dreamed of. With the change of
conditions and the progress of events
have arisen new political requirements
and necessities that cannot be provided
for unless we revolutiOnize our organic
system. From time to time the people
have attempted to stretch the old con-
stitution into suitable shape by a series
of amendments: but while these amend
mentS answered as temporary expe-
dents. we have succeeded in getting
the instrument itself into such mud
died condition that Philadelphia law
yer couldn't tell which was the head OF
which was the tail of it. And as long
as we continue this tinkering and this
patching, we are all the time going from
bad to worse. The best thing to dois to
commence de novo and TO build anew.
We want a new constitution, con-
structed to suit the requirements Of the
present and the possibilities of the
future. Our progress is being checked
and our industrial development clogged
by that Renaissance of pioneer days
which we call, our state constitution.
The incubus must be thrown off, and
the state be permitted to leap forward
in that career of prosperity which
would inevitably follow the making of
a constitution suitable to the conditions
which surround us.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-13
4 CIVIL SERVICE IpYL.

Mr.. CLEVELAND has stocked the
cards, so to speak, on the Republicans
by his recent order placing employees of
the railway mail service under the OPP
erations of the civil service law. Tue
effect of the order is to add about 5000
more government employees, and most
of them Democrats, to the civil service
list, and hey ond the power of removal
for political reasons only. If Gen. HAIR
RIsoN revokes the order he at once
places his administration on record as
being in open hostility to civil service
reform-a step that he is not likely to
take. just imagine the CONSERVATION
this order has produced among the Re-
publican managers, who couldn't be-
fore find half enough official plums to
satisfy the cravings of the hungry
officeseekers. Now, with 5000 good
plums plucked from the tree at one
grasp of this order of President CLEyE-
LANDS. it is no wonder that there is
weeping and wailing among those who
expected to fatten on government pat
ronage when the HARRISON adminiStra-
ton came into mower.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-13
DRESS IMPROVEMENT.

Mrs. JENNESS MILLER strikes the
key note of dress reform when she says
that all improvement in the fashions is
utterly impraeticable which does not
conform to Woman's idea of beauty.
The heroic martyrdom of women in this
respect is rather to be commended than
condemned. God made woman to be
the fairest Of his creation, and she is
simply following the instincts implant-
ed in her nature by a divine law when
she refuses to sacrifice her comelinesS
to her comfort. Hence the practical
dress reformer will make it his or her
business to first discover the style of
dress most becoming to weman, and
then the work of persuading her to
adopt its haaithful and comfortable feat
ures will be comparatively easy work.
The trouble in introducing dress reform
in this age is in the changed ideas
Of female beauty from what prevailed
in ancient times. Then it was sup
posed that the fuller the development
and the more robustness of frame ac-
CURED, the more perfectly was the per-
feet standard of female beauty attained.
In modern times the ideas of female
physical perfection run to the petite
style and to the wasp waist. And so
thoroughly is this generation indoc-
trinated with this IDEA that even men
have become possessed of it. Hence
the dudish tendencies in male costumes.
There is no excuse for man falling
into this error, because God didn't in
tend him to be pretty. But it is differ
ent with the woman. who was designed
for creations chief ornament. 1t is a
part of every womaD's mission in
lite to be pretty. The cultivation
of Iepehness is as much her duty
as the performance of homework
or fulfillment of the responsible
tiles of maternity. Ugliness lisa sin in
woman because it is a perversion of the
purposes of her creation. Therefore we
hold that it is heroic martyrdom in the
sex when they attempt to carry out
their ideas of beauty, even though it be
done at the expense of health and CON-
fort. So, after all, what needs to be
done in behalf of woman is to invent a
fashion for dress embodying all the ele-
ments of health and comfort, and yet
which will have a more stylish effect
than the death-dealing fashions now in
vogue. Notwithstanding her objections
to being called reformer, Mrs. MILLER
is really the only practical reformer of
the age, because her dress philosophy
is happy combination of ease and
beauty.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-13
FREE NEWS.

The supreme court Of Illinois de-
cided in a late case that there can be no
monopoly Of commercial news. 1t has
been the custom with many of the stock
and grain exchanges, backed by the
corporate interests behind them, to
claim an exclusive ownership in quota
tions from their transactions, and they
have consequently refused publication
oaall quotations which were not author
lied by them. The Illinois ruling holds
that the exchanges can not set up the
right of exclusive ownership nor
monopolize the business of sending quo
tations. In the opinion of the court the
quotations belong to the public, and
any responsible news collector has the
right to take them and send them over
the wires. The public will lndorse the
ruling of the Illinois court, for it is the
only rule that the public will tolerate.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-02-13
THE SALTWATER PRISON.

With a view of facilitating the inves-
tigation of state prison affairs TO be
made by the legislature to-day, the
GLOBE publishes this morning num-
Der of interviews with persons who are
presumably in position to be well in
formed. twill be observed that among
those interviewed were some of the
more intelligent convicts, who talk
freely and frankly, and whose opinions
are worth listening to. Altogether. we
are enabled to present an intelligent
discussion of some questions which are
now perplexing the legislative mind.
While there is some difference OF
opinion among those who have been i'll
teryiewed OH the subject, it will be seen
that the preponderance is III favor OF
the state account system over the con-
tract labor plan. The majority believe
that the former is better for the state,
and better for the prisoners. A propo-
sition is made that the state purchase
and maintain prison farm. on which
certain classes of convictS may be en-
ployed protltably. Beyond the humanl-
tartan side of this proposition we ques-
ton its ACCESSIBILITY because of our long
winters, and consequently the limited
time in which convicts could be en-
ploYed at farm work. 1t is true that it
would enable the prison authorities to
give an airing and outdoor exercise to
the more delicate prisoners. who are
suffering in health from a pro-
Ionged confinement. 1t seems to be
form of barbarity to kill a man by
inches. even though he be a convict. by
keeping him in close confinement,
when little fresh air and the bright
sunshine each day would restore his
health. On the ground Of humanity the
prison farm may be recommended, but
we doubt whether it could ever be made
profitable.
Warden STokDoCK is of opinion that
the Saltwater prison will have to be
enlarged, as it is now taxed to its
utmost capacity. Assuming that popu-
lation will continue to increase without
a corresponding decrease of crime. the
warden's suggestion is a timely one.
and the legislative committee will UNI
doubtedly give it due consideration.