, 1889-12-28
THINGS MAN CAN'T 20.
He Has Accomplished wondeu., No Doubt
But Here's whers He

He Has Accomplished wonder., No Doubt
But Here's whers He stumbIe.-
There is always something comical
about a mans attempt to do awoman's
work. And the fun of the thing is
that a man eve realizes that he can
not do it properly. There isn't a man
on the footstool who does not pri-
vately entertain the opinion that, il he
should only set himself about it, he
could do anything better than any
woman. But he can't, and all the
women know it.
He means we'll, no doubt, but some
how he doesn't seem to have the fac
ulty.
His wife goes on a visit to her mo-
Their, and he keeps house. Now, he
will tel Brown that he can cook q
meal as well as the best woman that
ever lived; but if he should see Brown
and some Of the boys coming up to his
house to dinner, he would bolt the
door and lie low till they went away.
He never can touch a kettle without
getting soiled. He can't handle the
fire irons without burning his fingers.
He never thinks to hang up any tow
els; he keeps them on the floor, where
they will be handy. A man cannot
do two things at a time. A roman
will broil a steak, and see that the cof-
fee does not boil over, and watch the
cat that she does not steal the remnant
of meat on the kitchen table, and dress
the youngest boy, and set the table,
and see to the toast, and stir the oat-
meal, and give orders to the butcher,
and witness the way her neighbor
across the street is hanging out her
clothes-and she can do it all at once
and not half try.
Is there a man living who can hold
fifteen pins in his mouth, and fit a
dress waist. and talk over the scandal
about the new minister at the anne
time1 or course there is not, and yet
a woman can do it easily, and enjoy it,
too.
A man will work diligently half the
forenoon to find a shirt button, and
when he has found it, it will be three
sizes too large for the buttonhole, and
then he will begin to thread his nee
die. And he will squint, and take
aim, and sweat, and swear, and the
thread will slip right by the needle
every time, and if ever he does get the
needle threaded it will be such a big
needle that it will split the button
Clthu III lWO, anu no Will huu niilScl
exactly where he started from.
Man has done wonders since-he came
before the public. He has navigated
the ocean, he has penetrated the mys-
teries of the starry heavens, he has har-
messed the lightning and made it pull
street cars and light the great cities of
the world. Oh, yes, we are willing
to admit hat man has done his part,
kpf hA rAn11nft nApr Daotnr oil into q
colicky baby without splitting it all
over the baby's clothes, to save his
lifei
He can't find a spool of red thread in
his wife's sewing machine drawers
no, he can't; and after he searches half
an hour, and manfully keeps his tenn
per meanwhile, he will appear with q
spool of blue silk, and vow hat such a
thing as red thread has no existence in
that house.
A man cannot hang out clothes and
get them on the line the right end up.
He cannot hold clothes pins in his
mouth while he is doing it, either.
He cannot be polite to somebody he
hates. He would never think of kiss
ing his rival when he met him, as 9
woman will kiss her rival. He cant
chew gum. He can't sit in a rocking
chair without banging the rockers into
the base boards. He can't put the tidy
on the sofa pillow right side out. He
can't veal No. 3 boots on No. o feet.
He'd die with corsets onl He'd gel
his death of cold with bare arms and
neck.
And yet people who do not know
call women the weaker sex Kate
Thorn in New York Weekly.