Wichita eagle., 1889-10-24
MUST FIT COMFORTABLY.
HATS AND CONsCIENcES MUST SIT
WELL ON THE WEARER.

The Matchmaker Was a Fine Mechanic,
but he Couldn't Pat Burdette's Hat on
Ri:ht-It Is just as Difficult for One
Man to Fit Another Out with Conscience.
Nv son, one day stood at a work bench,
looking at friend who was putting watch
together. The delicate bits Of machinery
that he adjusted and set in place, tiny screws
1 scarce could see as they lay on his table,
delicate springs, fairy like wheels, that seem
ed all too dainty for anything but ornament;
the work which he did 50 deity was little less
than miracle to me. l said TO him: Il see
you have some artificial eyes in the window;
you could make real eye, that could see, Il
man preferred it to glass one, couldn't
youf' But the matchmaker only laughed
and said: mo; that was a little beyond him. !"
But don't know, my boy; don't know. As
looked at him putting that watch together,
and especially after he told me that he could
make watch, had an idea that he could
make human eye if he gave his whole mind
to it.
By and by he said, "Come, this liz enough
for one day; let's 60 out and hear McQuajd
call of for baseball cotillon." He caught
up my hat and slapped it on my head. That
isn't right" l said He laughed and adjusted
il more carefully "How's that's" 1t wasn't
right again, 50 put it on myself, showed him
how wore it, and, after examining It's posi-
ton closely, he took it off and tried to read
iust it. He tried it over aud over for i've
minutes, and then gave it up. he could
make watch, he could ADJUST the most deli
cate arrangement of mechanism the human
eye can see, and do it accurately, SO the watch
would keep time for years, but he couldn't
put soft felt hat, only worth dollar, on my
careless head, just as always wear it, or as
want it, for | am not sure that a man ever
wears bis hat twice in the same position.
THEY NEVER FIT.
It's something no man can do for another
put his hat on for him. Mothers fondly
think they can put their boys hats on for
them, but it is feat that has never been per-
formed There is always a final touch, just
a mere shadow of a touch, not much more
than gesture, may be, a shake OF the head,
a some sort of a motion that adjusts things,
settles hat and head into perfect and COM
Portable relations with each other, which the
man must make for himself. You can't put
another mans hat on for him and do it right.
Now, my boy, once in a while a man comes
to me who can't put my hat on for me, but
who essays, with sublime confidence, to fit
me with conscience He orders my way OF
living, of doing, of speaking and thinking.
He picks up my conscience turns it around
with the bow on the wrong side, straighteDS
out the brim, smoothes out the crease or the
dent that always wear in it, sets it straight
across the back Of my neck, SO to speak,
holds it tight while he pulls the front Of it so
far down over my eyes that my ears stand
out like lateen sails slaps it down hard on
top of my head, and says ''There"
He can't put ON my hat, he admits that,
but he willard thinks he can-adjust my
conscience. Sometimes wear 1t as this well
meaning friend wishes me to, but it never
fits; am always little uneasy with it that
way; am always nervously afraid that it
will blow off, and man chasing around after
his conscience in a gale of wind is spectacle
at once undignifed, pitiful and hearIending.
Now, my boy, perhaps my friends way Of
wearing his hat Is the correct thing; do not
know. But it frets me, it inks me as we walk
along the street to have him continually pok-
ing at my hat to make it set on my head just
as his does on his own. And when l am sure
that he is not looking at me shake my head
lightly-ah, she settles; she lays herself right
in the leads and feels as easy as a quiet con-
science right away.
l do not object to correction; it always
seemeth grievous, 1 admit; but l am willing
to receive it. If hang my hat on my ear
am willing to have friendly hand place it
on my head, and I will wear it there; but I
am going to give it the final adjusting shake
or touch myself. If l tilt it over my eyes
and balance it on my nose, / will tilt 1t back
when my attention is called to it, but l will
push it back just where I want it, not where
the other man wants it. Mad enough he
would be if | took hold Of his hard, stiff hat,
which he wears straight across his brows-
and very becoming the style is to his peculiar
type of beauty-and tilted it over, just q
little out Of line. as prefer to wear mine
Fortunate would l be if he didn't snatch it off
his head and smite me q resounding thump
with it before he replaced it.
THE ETERNAL FITNESS
Finally, my son-for the weather is warm
and omit ''in conclusion, ""but again" IAN
other thought" and lone word more"-the
purpose for which your hat is designed is to
cover your head; to protect your brain tank
from the heat of the sun and the warp of the
drought, from the pelting hail and the driv-
ing rain. That do, therefore Not every
man can stand it to wear hard felt hat,
pulled far down straight across the brow,
when the Thermometer marks 90 in the shade
You know how to wear a hat, and what kind
of hat TO wear. You wouldn't wear Buff
falo Bill sombrero to church, and you
wouldn't go fishing or into the surf In
high, slick, shiny silk hat. You know how to
cultivate good conscience ''Do | mean that
T. fellow should have an adjustable conscience
that he changes to suit himSelf?' Don't be
foolish, my son. You don't whistle the Rag
zle Dazzle" at a funeral, do you9 You don't
open a baseball match with prayerl You
don't sing The Babies on Our Block" at
christening, do youl
When you pay fifty cents for ten cent
lunch at railway restaurant and have five
minutes to eat it in, you don't insist upon the
hungry mob remaining quiet until you have
asked Gods blessing on the food, l hopet
When you are called upon to take part In
prayer meeting, | trust you never recits
"How the Old Horse Won the Bet" And
yet, all these things are right at the right
time and in the right place, and you can do
them all, heartily, earnestly and reverently,
without changing or readJusting your con-
science. That is, if you have conscience of
Your own II you allow another man to
fasten his conscience on you, il Will be just
about ss useful rs steam gauge 70 a wind
MILL or a sun dial in coal mine. and you
will have to send for the man who owns il
every time you want to start it, or every
time circumstances and your surroundings
change. Wear your own hat, my boy; wear