The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1889-10-17
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

chalse' IVA ihe phonoSraph'
Useless with "hands off''-The clock.
Forced politeness-Bowing to neces
sity.
A little thing that feels big in a tight
place is corn.
Age is not always criterion of
ability; for many man of thirty can
often ''lie like sixty"
A fitting tribute-The check that pays
for your suit of clothes Washington
Capital.
Bertie-"Charles has lost his reason
ing power. "-Algernon--'I pity the
finder. Thine.
lis not criminal to owe your halter,
Nor cause for worriment; and vet
The conviction is not one to tiatter
That you're ''over head and ears in debt
"Home, Sweet Home" is beautiful
song but if sung too early in the evening
it is apt to hurt sensitive young mans
feelings. -Nero York Journal.
eyes," admitted the visitor, when the
proud mother exhibited her baby, she
has his fathers nose, but don't worry.
1t may not always be that red"
A London merchant advertises that he
is especial umbrella maker to the Queen"
and the Lynn Item thinks Victora's long
reign has probably been profitable to
him.
Consistency is indeed rare. A man
will unblushingly comb his back hair over
bald spot on the top of his head, and
yet expect grocer to put his smallest
apples in the top layer of the box.
A speaker at public meeting talked
and talked and talked Chow full he is
of his subject" said friend. eyes"
said an enemy; "but how slow he is to
empty himselfi"--S0n Francisco Wasp.
Now pick out the biggest of pumpkins;
The daintiest apple and pear;
The reddest tomato;
The finest potato;
And bring them along to the fair.
--DdnSpitle Breeze.
The inventors who have grown tired
of the perpetual motion problem might
turn their attention to discovering some
method by which dogs skin could be
tanned with his own bark. Merchant
Irapeier.
Englishmen propose to buy up the gas
plants of Chicago and furnish fuel at
twenty five cents thousand feet. They
went make much money if the feet are
Of the regulation kind in that eity.-NeD
York Nsus
"What prompted you to rob this
mans till2' asked the Judge of the
prisoner. "My family physician, sir"
was the reply; she told me it was ALSO
lutely necessary that I should have
little change"
''The Empress of Austria sits alternate.
ly on either side of her horse" says an
article on Craftsmanship for Women
Everybody will be glad to hear that she
sits that way alternately and not stimuli
taneously. -7trre Haute Express.
Constituent Ito newly-elected Con.
gresham, You're pretty big man
now, eh2" ''Er-well, /
don't know. did lay that fattering
JUNCTION to my soul until saw my moth
er-in-lsw scornfully sizing me up. "--Neso
York Journal.
Chow does it happen that the couple
over the way live SO happily togethers
They have been married now twenty-five
years and have never yet had a dispute.
"No wonder; she goes out teaching
music all day long away from home and
he is night editor on a daily paper"
Housemaid-"There is gentleman
downstairs, MN, who is almost pulling
the bell out, and says he wants the key
to the fire alarm box" Mistress crushing
to the mirror)--"Ask him to send up his
card, and tell him will be down in a
few minutes. "-Burlington Free Press.