Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-04-18
STRANDED GENIUS.
Bottle Scared Veteran Relates His
Vicissitudes in the Police Court.

A Bottle Scared Veteran Relates Hi
vicissitudes In the Police Court.
"You see, Judge" said Harry Owen. 8
dilapidated-looking specimen of mankind
when he stood mp in the pen of the Police
Court yesterday to answer TO a charge Of
having succumbed to the wiles of his friend
Bacchus, you see the weather has been
stormy of late, and 1 was thereby pre-
vented from pursuing my avocation OF
painting houses, and"-
You mean painting them red? asked
the Court.
No indeed, your Honor, not that. l
am regular house painter, and as l
couldn't work at my trade during the
showery weather was necessarily victim
of enforced idleness, if 1 may be allowed
to use the term"
We'll, but what had that to do with
your getting drunk"
All, your Honor, that's the point was
about to elucidate. Being temporarily idle,
l naturally drifted about places where they
dispense those liquids that steal away mems
brains and render them for the time being
irresponsible agents. During my matutinal
rambles fell in with an old brother soldier
and we were soon going over the scenes of
the late civil war and exhibiting the scars
of our wounds"
You were wounded, then, were you Pr
Yes, Judge, bear on my body many
honorable scars received in battling for my
country. Well, we were fighting over
again the battles of the Union, and my
friend invited me to join him in drink
between each battle. We fought battle
about every twenty minutes, and after
while the enemy got the best of US, as our
reserve forces were necessarily exhausted
in the many charges, we facing the enemy
constantly and never once sounding re-
treat to recuperate our strength"
Were you not in Jail night before last ?"
asked the Court.
Not under arrest, Judge. did come
in voluntarily, simply to lodge for the
night, as my landlady had locked nv
boudoir at the Front street hosiery where
was stopping, and-thoughtlessly pre-
the key thereto
Have you any money ?"
L did have dollar Judge, which l
suppose the minions of the law took from
me when they brought me here, and that
will be enough to take me out of town if
you feel that you can dispense with my
further presence here"
Mr.. Owen" remarked the Judge, "You
are sOmelulDS Oh lalker, are you not,
especially when in liquo-?''
Not phenomenal one, l apprehend,
your Honor. l consider myself pretty
fair single-handed conversational; but
while do not deem it becoming to boast
OF my qualifications in that or any other
respect, may say that l feel myself COM
petent to hold up my end at q waterfront
tea party or kettledrum.''
When did you abandon the profession
of phrenologist? Were you not wont to
examine heads for livelihood"
No, no, Judge; not so bad as that l
never take up that science except after l
have had glass or two, and when my
exchequer is sadly in need of replenishing
Then 1t comes in quite opportunely.''
You are something of a reader are you
not :" asked the Court, noticing bundle
OF greasy newspapers protruding from the
prisoners inside pocket
II plead guilty, Judge, to that charge
You see, when the soul is sad-when ones
companions turn their backs upon him and
give him cold shake please pardon the
vulgarism) which condition l often expe-
rience after my ducats have been absorbed
by the barkeeper-then l HE me away to
some friendly lumber yard or the ambro-
sial solitude beyond the north levee, and
there hold converse with the shining lit
erary lights of the daily"
Thatl do, Harry, for this time," inter
rupted the Court, as the hands of the clock
pointed to high noon. THAT is sufficient
for the present. The Court has seen fit to
suffer the penalty for your last offense, and
as there is no necessity for any further pain
being inflicted in this instance, you may
go your way, but don't you come here
again"
Judge, you're born jurist and an
honor to the
Adjourn the Court, Mr.. Bailiff," cried
Judge Buckley in self-defense, and the VIC
tim of Front-street gin and cacoethes To-
qne'ldi shuffied out into the free air with
the rest of the audience.