Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-03-11

A young man can't take his girl out
skating this winter, but he can let her
slide.
The boy wonders what makes the
watch go, the man wonders what makes
it stop.
Some people make "A dollars worth of
trouble in accomplishing five cents worth
of good.
Happy thought-suppose we put a
bounty of a cent a pound on wooden yarn,
and darn the expense.
Love is generous" sings the poet, but
nevertheless there is more or less Cupid
ity connected with it.
Working the growler-Making your
hush and hang out the clothes on a freez-
ing washing-day.
The American Aborigines had none of
your modern tools, but they were familiar
with the Indian file.
The poetess who sings she was kiss
ed by the Waves, probably fell overheard
near the mouth of the river.
'And how did Blirkins become insane?"
by absorption. He slept for three
months beneath a crazy quilt"
Be sunny, girls, be sunny" says Ella
Wheeler Wilcox. We don't see how they
can, but still they daughter be.
Musician 1 put baby in the crib,
ma'am? Mother-NO, doggie is in the
crib. Wait till doggie has had his nap
One objection to the entrance of women
into politics is the fact that, in mailing
lies, they would be always MASKING their
thumbs.
l "stumped" all through the late cam
paign, said the one-legged man. And 1.
said the one-armed politician, made a few
otf-hand speeches.
Thirty-five years ago American boys
had aspirations to become president of
the United States. Now their ambition
is to become a $4,000 base ball player.
A young lady in Maine had sixteen teeth
extracted as one of her preparations for
marriage. She was prepared then to sing
Gum, oh, gum with me" etc.
Book agent-I would like to show you
the very latest English cylop@dia. Old
Timer-No, sir. l could never learn to
ride one at my time of life"
He-If you will be mine, Louisa, 1 will
lead you through life like an angel. She
THAT is with nothing to eat and moth
ing to wear. No, l thank you.
Oldshu was the natal name of a recent
Pittsburg bride. A lady with such a
name as that must nave been glad of the
opportunity to nave it changed.
Mrs. Homespun, who has a terrible
time every morning getting her young
brood out of their beds, says she can't
understand why children are called the
rising generation.
Don't you know, Emily, That it is not
proper for you to turn around and look
after IL gentleman? But, mamma, l was
only looking to see if he was looking to
see if / was looking.
Mistress-Mary, have you made the
dressing for the turkey? Mary-Sure,
ma'am, an I've made his pants, but I'm
havin' hard work wild his coat, for it's no
seamstress l am at all, at all.
Miss Gushington-I admit, Arthur, that
this is not the first time l have been en-
gagged, but I'm sure your noble, generous
heart Little brother-Sis, the baDy
has got your bag of engagement rings.
Mrs Selby-Doctah, de child dun gone
| SuolIar - mint of ink nnctpr-HaD VO'
dun ennyding fo' de relief OBJ 'im? Mrs.
Selby-I'se dun made i'm eat free sheet
OBJ blottin' paper, doctah. Was hat rlte'
Amelie Rives-C says she wears a
common-sense shoe. 1t is a pity AInelle
should limit the common sense idea to
her footgear. A little of it in her stories
would be a great boon to her readers.
The New York World has offered a 20
dollar gold piece for the most remarkable
dream, and mince pies are in consequence
in demand among the competing Gotham
ties as an article of diet just before re-
firing.
Time, 3 a. M. Mrs. Smith is attlred IN
deepest black. Mr.. Smith (entering)-
What do L see? In m-mourning? For
whom-for which-for who?M Mrs. Smith
Il am in mourning for the late Mr.,
Smith.
Absent-minded man Gin bob-tail carr
Conductor, L think | dropped a five-dollal
gold piece in the box for a nickel. Street
car driver Well, sit down in the corner
and ride it out. / am very busy just now
and can't be bothered.