The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1889-05-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

story-continued next tweak.-B0st0n
Courier.
When a man is victorious he crows.
When he loses he must eat the crow
NeU Orleans Picayu'se.
A great many girls say mo" at first;
but, like the photographer, they know
how to retouch their negatives.--Pt4ck.
Lie on the left side says health
journal. If it had been a law journal
it would have said 'Lie on both sides. u
Boston Courier.
Only the first baby is favored with
visits from the angels in its sleep. A
little peppermint is what the others
get.-Terre Haute Express.
1t is said that a prominent Italian
Count Will shortly set the fad of simply
wearing plain yellow pawnticket at
the end of the watch chain.-JelcelerS'
Weekly.
A man hasn't much of an opinion OF
himself after a nights folly, and yet,
strange to say, that's the time when he
has a case of "big head. "-BOston
Courier.
Now that We are going to have a new
navy, it might be good idea to have
a new army, too. The officers must be
tired of hunting for the old one with a
telescope.-Puck.
Uncle George-Do you like to have
such long hair? Charley-No, I'd
rather have it short myself, but NAM
ma wants me to look like one of those
ID cherubs.-LTe.
A language in which forged checks
and counterfeit money are uttered is
of peculiar grammatical construction
so much so that it cannot be passed.
american.
Long ez yo' got pantry full dar's
no trouble abo't fin'in' huff toe eat din
nah wild yo'; but hit Ell laikly dat wen
yo' er in hah'd luck yo' won't meet a
one dat knows yo' in a days walk
Judge.
The philosophers wife - Lionel,
which do you consider the greatest inn
portance of the final questions of life,
the 'have been" or the might have
been?' The philosopher (sadly)-
The coal bin.-Life.
Minister dining with the family
Bobby, | suppose when you grow up
to be man You will want to be an
earnest Christian, won't you? YES,
sir, if it doesn't interfere with being a
drum-maj or. Thine.
Mike the Slugger { admiring a
stranger)-"There's a Teller wot could
make a heap o money if he'd take to
prize-tightin'." Sam the Sport-'N
he couldn't. l know him; he's tongue
tied. "-Philadelphia Record.
''Do you think my editorials on the
sin of chewing tobacco have any eff
fect?n asked a reformer of gentle
man whom he had in the corner
Eyes. | know they do. They always
remind me that want a chew Wash
tngt011 Post.
Mrs. Society-'sHave YOU invited
all of your and your husbands gentle
men friends?n Mrs. De Fashion-"All
of mine. but none of my husbands. If
| should invite his he would miss them
at the club and feel lonely, poor dear.
philadelphia Record.
The young ladies of Kansas town
have formed an association and will
send their beaux home promptly at 10
o'clock. The only reasonable solution
of this lies in the probability that the
boys have been in the habit of leaving
about 9.-ReoriG Transcript.
Little Peter Frayedback-Say, boss!
that's my mother over there buying
slippers. Shoc-dealer-Yes? Little
Peter-You tell her that ones made of
worSted with padded soles is til most
stylish. an you gets Il free ticket to
our next Iujun show.-JHdge.
Theatrical dreSsmaker = " What!
This dress too low in the neck? Why,
it isn't half as low as the dresses of
ladies who occupy the boxes Great
actress-"'True. but an actress must
pay some regard to the proprieties,
you know. "-PhitddeIphia Record.
Boracks-How is your novel selling.
Wagstaff? Wagstaif-Pretty well. |
got out second edition, you know.
with all the Objectionable passages
suppressed. Boracks-And did that
help the sale any? Nagstaff-Of the
first edition, yes.-Ierre H0ute En-
press.
Gilhooly-It seems to me that there
are fewer marriages than ever before.
| wonder what is the cause of itp Gus
de Smitk-If young ladies would learn
to stick pin in their apron strings so
that it wouldn't scratch fellows
wrist there would be moro marriages.
= Ieros Sittings.
Il +,l- ~
pudding. Mr.. Snibbns." Snibbins-
My dear Mrs. Bunderby,I couldn't eat
mouthful. I've eaten so much
already that l can hardly speak"
Hostess-''Do try little more-just a
little more; if only to please me, Mr..
"-B0Ston Transcript.
Young wife Tin clearinghouse to
husband) See, George, have washed
out couple of handkerchiefs this
and saved 10 cents laundry.
George (enthusiasticaIly)-You are a
little treasure. l am going right out
now and puy an extra cigar. Economy
is wealth.-St. Paul Fi0neer Press.
''lf you don't want me to know
where you've been, Harry, when you
come home this way" said wife to
her late and somewhat demorallzed
husband, You had better run upstairs
when you are coming to bed" ..Why
sho, m dear?' Because by running
upstairs you will lose your breath. -
Boston Courier.
Western lady-''And so your daugh-
ter is going to marry Western mani
Is he "A farmer, manufacturer, Or"
Eastern lady (haughtily)-'He is
gentleman of leisure Western lady
do you mean that he makes money
without working?" Certainly" "Ahl
see. He's real estate agent
Ledger.
Policeman-It seems to ne that you
are suspicious character. You have
been hiding behind a tree for the last
hour watching that man over there.
I've been watching
% get away from here; but that man is
/ friend of mine, and if he sees me he
will borrow S. from me in spite of all
IAN do.-Teras SiftihgS.
Mr.. P. Brush-You know nv pic
ures, of course. Visitor-Only in
reproductions, l regret