The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-03-03
SUNDAY SALAD.
A Nursery Jingle.

1t followed him to school one day,
The trustees were 50 vexed---
II made the public laugh and say,
We wonder what comes next
o, school trustees, you're hard to please;
You missed it sure enough.
For why should you be forced to sneeze
When Zane & Zane take SNUFF
Oh, Zane and Zane! :, oh, grief and pain,
You also missed it when,
You marched your men up to the court
Then marched them down again.
And so the judges ruled you out,
Yet still you linger near
And underneath you show your teeth
When Dyer doth appear.
What makes the Zanes love mutton so,
The people all inquire,
And why should they attempt to stride
The neck of Marshal Dyer!'
Oh politics. on politics.
We dare not ask of thee,
And so DER all We draw the pail
OF Christian charity.
-
MIR Lawrence should not forget the fate
of poor dog Tray" remarked a gentleman
the other day. HE has gone down, indeed
when he permits this association of his
name in the greed for Office with Messrs.
Zane, Dickson and Ireland-'the trio defect
able.'''
-
"A petition to half-mast the sweatbox
and appoint receiver for segregation" is
the way it has been pharaphrased-thc petit
ton for the rehabilitation in official clothes
of Zane, Dickson and Ireland.
~
DRAMA.-No. The public greatly prefer
ireland as it isl to ireland as it was
~
Scene, Restaurant - Time, Morning
D, scovered Judge seated at table reading
Tribune proofs. Enter waiter briskly.
Waiter-What wouldst thou for thy fru-
gal fare this morn, oh wise one:
JUDGE am not well sith yesternight
There was much haggling i the court
Tell me- sirrah, what hast thou set down i
the bill to-day?
Waiter-Much, sire. that is toothsome.
Oh, learned but deposed Judge, what sayst
thou to an underdone chop of mutton! IT'S
rare treat, men say, for courtly stomachs,
Judge-Go to! I'll none of it. Acquaint
me else.
Waiter-Oh, most profound ex-iustice!
Oh, masterful and worthy proof reader!
Mayhap some richly dressed sleeps trot-
tiers would tickle thy reverend epiglottis.
The cook but waits thine answer.
Judge-Death and damnation, no! Is
there no other flesh or fish or fowl save
that which crieth baa! Spring me another
bill of fare.
Waterfall! by the sacred ram, l have
it now. A thing by the gods fashioned and
frizzled for the favored few Make thy
self content. There will be such yearning
i the innards when thou learn'st it. At
tend! Roast lamb smothered in mint sauce
Judge-Smothered in curses, thou limb
of satan! What, no, without there! Away
with this bebbling shepherd. Send me an
other waiter.
Shrill whistle-scene shifts.
Our telephone will be open all day today to
answer the questions of any who desire to
have their HERALDs identified.
*
preaching to that man. said Sol, sis
like pouring water on ducks back, it goes
in one ear and comes out the other"
~
We venture to suggest to Mr.. Alff in
connection with the contempt proceedings
in the supreme court that people who are
in the glass business should not throw
stones; and to admonish Professor Mills
paugh that in teaching the young idea how
to shoot, he caution them not to shoot
the supreme court.
To understand just how much larger to-
days SUNDAY HERALD is than last Sun
days. you want to calculate by inches.
Last Sundays twelve pages made seventy
two columns. each eighteen inches long,
total of 1896 inches. To-day's twelve
pages make eighty-four columns, each
twenty-one and three-fourth inches long,
total of 1897 inches; to-day's columns be-
ing wider than those of the old issue, the new
SUNDAY HERALD is 64S inches, or six pages
larger than the old-an enlargement of Just
80 per cent.
''No, child, it would not be legal for the
school trustees assessed with the costs of
the late unpleasantness to levy special
school tax to pay the bill"
~
Following is hitherto unpublished letter
in regard to the Receivers compensation,
which in view of the Supreme Court deci-
sion of yesterday, ought not to be sup
pressed:
Frank II. Dyer, Esq, Q. s. Marshal and
Church RGceiuer.
Dear Sr-Replying to your valued favor
of the steenth inst, asking what in my
opinion would be fair compensation for
your services as receiver of church prop
erty, l beg to say that considering the
arduous character of the work and the
Odium connected with the business of herd
ing sheep, $500 would in my judgment be
as little as you ought in justice to yourself,
to ask, and as the church will have to pay
for it, suppose we say $1,000 more, but then
if l were you wouldn't stint myself.
Very truly,
CENT PER CENT, Banker.
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