The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-08-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

/ A man doesn't feel in the least infiat-
ed when blown up by his wife.-Boston
f Courier.
| He that winketh with his eye should
take heed lest he be slowed. Detroit
Free Press.
| If we could use our own good ad-
, vice how happy we would be.-Atchs'
son Globe.
Apollo was a stickler for the code of
honor. 1t was he who first struck the
Tyre. e.-Merchant 1raUcIer.
Brewster-That young fellow seems
to know more than you do. Barclay
No wonder. I'm his father.-Life.
Quite naturally it is the man of sea-
soned intellect and ripe experience
who does not seem fresh.--BinghaD1t
Republican.
The ticker" is a great moral in
strument, and must not be suppressed.
1t transforms gambling into ''busi-
ess.'-PucE.
We take no stock in the rumor that
the new secretary has ordered lot of
navy plugs to stop the leaks in our
war vessels.-Pack.
Briggs-I haven't taken drink for
two weeks, now. What do you think
of that? Braggs-It sounds to me
like an empty boast--Ierre Haute Ez-
press.
Mother-Ella, you cannot marry
him. He has no money. Ella-Why,
mother, saw him give S. to beggar.
Mother-Probably an accomplice.-
Boston Herald.
Esau sold his birthright for a mess
of pottage and left Jacobs establish
ment dead broke. If there had been a
waiter to fee he'd have gone out in
debt. Puck.
''Great wit to madness nearly is
allied" but if you would see a perfect
union just observe the madness of the
small wit as he reads, Declined with
thanks. ."-Puck.
Have you a cigar about youP"
mo; don't buy any now." "What!
And WHY, then?" because want to
break you of the habit of smoking."-
Fliegende Blatter.
No matter how timid a tailor is nat
urally, he has one advantage as a WOO
or over other men-he can always
warmly and effectually press his suit.
Baltimore american.
1t is we'll for philosophical medita-
tions to include the fact that in all or
ganic existence the largest amount of
wiud produces the heaviest swells.-
Baltimore american.
In the bookstore are looking
Tor novels or for poems-perhaps
Goethe or Schiller?" 'tOh, no poems.
My son writes them every day at
home. ."--Fliegeaade BLatter.
Il.
ers as there are amateur photographers
in the United States, but the office
seekers can't take a negative like the
photographers Washington Critic.
There are nice little pretty green
Oases all through the desert of life,
but the fat man who breaks suspen-
der while running to catch train
cant be persuaded of this.-BostOn
Courier.
Blinks-"Where are you going on
your vacation, Jinks?" Jinks (WhOse
place has just been seized by the Sher-
if)-Jail, | guess. First vacation I've
had in nine years. ."-PhiLddeLphia In
Quirer.
my DEAR" said Mr.. Phunnyman,
"why is the Prince of Wales geo.
graphical paradox" ''Give it up"
"Why, because he is allowed so much
latitude that he is without parallel"
Philadelphia Press.
There is one place l would like
suggested he, timidly. IF the posi-
ton of vacation editor is now vacant ]
think could fill that place to your
satisfaction, and steady employment
= rather than high pay would be my
choice. ."-Nes0 York Herald.
Mr.. Societe (who has just been pre-
sented to bevy of young ladies)-
| Pardon me, but with so many names ]
q am quite at sea regarding yours. She
But you are not far wrong. / am
Miss Atwater.-Harper's Bazar.
Dude to doctor-"Anything serious
wrong with me, doctorP" Doctor,
: slowly-..Your condition is serious,
but not necessarily fatal. l have dis
covered evidences of a growth of
brains. Philadelphia Inquirer.
..Hurry to the door. Mary, and let
Mr.. Smith in. He has rung twice"
''That isn't Mr.. Smith, it is the other
r. young gentleman" "Well, wait
> minute. then. l must change the pho
: tographs on the mantel. el."-Lye.
First peculator-Another gold mine
discovered in Michigan, see. Big
e one this time. Second speculator-
Yes; the uninhabitable swamp of the
particular settler who wants to sell is
twice the usual Philadelphia In
Quirer.
He (sentimentally)-H shall ]
d ever leave thee, love? She (practical-
ly)-Well, if you go now, you may get
It out of the door. But 1 hear father
}, coming, and if you don't go now you
o may 60 out at the window.-SOmser-
: Uttte journal.
- Customer-I see you advertise ''Um-
. brellas recovered while you wait. !"
Z Shopkeeper-Yes, sir; certainly sir.
Customer-Well, lost an umbrella a
= !, year ago last fall, and 1 guess I'il sit
7 down here while you recover it for me.
;, Boston Herald.
a Husband of popular actress-My
II wife has decided to retire from the
;: stage. Friend-I Indeed! At onceP
. H.-N-no. not exactly at once. We
o have not yet decided upon the exact
l. year, but she will begin her first fare
8 well tour next tseason.-BostOn Courier.
3 II see," remarked Mr.. Phunnyman
If again, THAT the Great Powers are
8 making meal of Africa" ''In what
d way?" 'Why, they have swallowed
g nearly all of her territory but the Sa
;" hara, and Turkey wants to gobble
9 that" wants the Sahara, what forp'
s. Desert. - philadelphia Press.
= Miss Wideawake (at the hop)-
"a Thanks, no, Mr. Smallpurse, think
won't dance again. The fact is. I'm
v completely tired out. Miss Wideawake
L Ga moment later)-Not bit tired.
!, assure you, MIR. Richfellow. Indeed
- l have been pining all evening for &
~ real good waltz. = Philadelphia IN
'n quirer.
The boozy man in the corner of q
crowded car awoke from a nap and
discovered bulky lady hanging to {
". strap and gIaring at the row of unob
4. servant men intent upon their news
at papers The boozy mans gallantrN
IL asserted itself. ''Ill be one 'venny