Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-06-21


=slAl - who goes among you
IN a kindly spirit, representing our
Government in a commercial way.
Show him the town and introduce him
to your mother. Should the Queen
ever play old sledge at eventide she
viii find Col New an excellent part
ner, yet always keenly alive to the i'm
pOrtance Of turning jack at the proper
time.
"COl. New is a scholarly man, yet,
withaI, simple and unassuming in his
manners. He is the most democratic
Republican L ever knew. I would like
to impress on YOU, also, the importance
of cultivating friendly diplomatic rela-
tions with him. Heis the editor of the
Indianapolis Journal, a paper whose
friendship means q great deal to a Tis-
ing young Prince. Do not offend Col.
New, for he can injure you much if he
should take a notion, especially in In
diana. Some day you are liable to be
King instead of the One-faced nine spot
that you are at this time. When that
day comes, Bert, you don't want the
Indianapolis Journal down on you. As
King of Great Britain and Mortgage of
Ireland you should have the press on
your side ere you begin to reign. If I
W OL = Ii your J1dC0 Il WOullLs Oh DLGSGL-
tatiOn of this letter at the hands of Col
New, Immediately open up friendly
diplomatic relations with America by
subscribing for the Journal for year,
including the Sunday edition This
viii do you no harm, but on the other
hand it viii show that you take an in
terest in US. If I could see you for a
few hours I could give you some points
on the policy for you to pursue on as
Stunning the portfolio of King, which
would make your reign perfectly solid
with the people and give you a steady
job as long as you live. Col. New can
tell you good many things about it
and how to work your home conven-
tons and primaries in the interest of
harmony. He is the greatest man for
harmony you ever saw If he cannot
be harmonious he asks to be excused
from the game.
MANY years ago he played a good
conservative game of poker, but when
he became newspaper man he came
out and took higher ground You
might possibly again awaken his inter
est in the game. I could not promise.
Colonel New was the gentleman
who, many years ago, when the country
was also new and infested with bears,
and rattIesnakes were so plentiful that
a sober man took his life in his hand,
as you might say, sat up quite late in
the evening playing draw poker with
two of his friends and a stranger who
was short one eye. The party PLAYED
a pretty stiff game up to u o'clock, it
is stated, and the gentleman with one
eye had all the stakes. At this mo-
ment Colonel New arose, and, putting
O little china oil &c.
of large eight-pound revolver which
he had in his overcOat, laid the toy on
the table near him. Then tearing the
wrapper from fresh pack of cards he
said briefly, but with great warmth:
Gentlemen, we viii now proceed with
a new pack. I do not wish to charge
any gentleman with cheating, or to
call any names, and I viii not do so,
but, said he, taking a pecan from his
pocket and cracking 1t with the butt of
his revolver, If any gentleman should
again undertake to stock the cards or
monkey with the tardy but natural
growth of straights and Pushes, we viii
shoot out his other eye
$50 you viii see that the Colonel is
a cool man at a trying time, and though
preferring generally to endure a great
wrong rather than to do one, he would
not hesitate, in case of a difference be-
tween rival powers or hot words over
the relative values of crowned heads,
to climb over the table and make you
show your hand, or go home with an
italicized nose on you.
Il say all this for your sake, Mr..
Guelph, for you don't know what
morning you may be called suddenly
by the First Assistant Custodian of the
Reigning Tools and told to jerk the
scepter over a great nation. Keep
friendly with the American people and
do the square thing by the press. When
you are called upon to assume the
throne, I honestly think it would do
you no harm to run double-column
ad. ia the leading papers for a year or
two, until you felt secure as a King;
then You could gradually order out
these ads. and call attention to your
reign by means of announcements on
the fences.
With these remarks I viii close
thanking you in advance for any cour-