The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-12-13
BRIGHT BITS.

ANGRY FATHER-Another tailor's bill. 1 sup
pose. Well, what's TO be done about itY
son (meeklyI-That's for you to Settle
Ctofhfer and EtrRisheT.
WHILE they are producing an elixir to make
OLD people younger, it would be a great blessing
if they could gel up something TO make some
young people older.-Epoch.
IsEE that Jougbnes is dead"
fes, Poor Joughnes He wasn't half bad
fellow. owed him few dollars, but forgive
him. Philadelphia Inquirer.
INQuIRINe STRANGER to small child-wen,
little girl, what is your name?
small Chlid's Sister (who holds exclusive
vlews)-Mind your business! B'lnda Charlotte,
don't you tell her.-Eua.
An INsUPERABLE DIFFICULTY.-''Why doesn't
tnat poor gentleman wear an overcoat, Madge:
Hasn't he got any2'
Yes, little sister, but he couldn't get it on
over has chrysanthemum. Time.
The MAN who mixes UP business with his
friendship may not have a good reputation
among mis- neighbors, but the chances are that
he will get rich faster than the man who mixes
up friendship with his ENTHUSIASTICALLY
Journal.
PERoRATIoN OF LAwYER.-And now. gentle
men OF the jury. beg you to observe that my
client committed this crime while entirely
sober; from which fact you cannot help per-
celvlng that he is perfectly temperate man.
FHegende Btatter.
SHE-Who is that meek, detected looking man
IN uniform! he can't be one of the companys
officials?
He-Yes, he is Pullman porter, but he has
just discovered that there's base ball reporter
on the train Philadelphia Inquirer
THE REPORT that Mr. Cleveland got ND and
gave his seat IN a crowded elevated railroad car
to shop girl the other day need excite no sur
prise Mr. Cleveland is very polite man. One
day last spring he got up and gave his seat at
Washington to an elderly gentleman from
Indiana-Chicago NelCs.
EDIToR's WIFE e O'Clock a. m.)-John John!
There's burglar in the house. | hear him
down stairs o. do get up.
John (half awake)--A burglar? In this house?
WIfe-Yes. Listen! Don't you hear THAR
John trolling over again)-He must be an
amateur Philadelphia Inquirer
Too LITERAI.-Taking things too literally is a
futile cause of amusing blunders. Two coster-
mongers claiming proprietorship in one donkey
went TO court to get the dispute decided. After
nearing part OF the evidence, the judge said
that they had better settle the case out of court
during the adjournment for luncheon Upon
the court reopening the defendantto told his honor
it was ell right, the donkey his. Turning
to the plaintiff the judge saw his personal APP
pearance was altered for the worse but before
he could put any questions the defendant went
on to say that they had found quiet yard to
settle it in, as his honor had suggested He
had been rather rough on the plaintiff, but he
couldn't help it, they had only a half an hour
TO settle itin, and the plaintiff proved much
Uongner customer than ne looked to be. The
explanation was conclusive IL not quite salts
factory TO the court. and the donkey became
the prize OF the victor in the fight. Buchanan
Read, the American poet, must have either been
angry or very much amused when his note to a
friend, Come and see me- I am at Barnums"
meaning a hotel of that name in New York
at the time Barnums museum was running
ELECTED the answer: Il am sorry you are going
to exhibit yourself IL you had stuck to liter
ature you might have made your mark. What
salary do you get In the show?'' We suspect
That Reads friend was James Beard, the artist
who often perpetrated such jokes.-Teras Shift
mas.