Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1889-12-27
SPEClMINS OF WIT.

bC Dtd-DuS SOl HO NlllH Ut all,
But he git dar all de same"
Sure signs-To meet funeral pro-
cession is a sign OF death; to lose u
pocket-book containing bills of largo
denomination is considered very I'M
lucky.
"Do you know DR.. Shaw" eyes;
he is a member OF our church. Near
ly all the members employ him as
their family physician" 80, l see
he is a regular piller of the church"
Marion Harland says that the
coming woman will have her own
bank account. This will prove pleas.
ant news for the coming man, espe-
cially if her bank account is big
enough for two.-Norristow Herald.
IL is fact worth bordering that
though the night falls around us it
never breaks, whereas the day breaks
but never falls. We offer this deli
cate fancy to some struggling aspir.
ant for poetical hours.
1t will cost 500, 100000 to puo
our seacoast in state OF defence
against foreign foe, while it won't
cost us ten cents to mind our own
business and keep out of u row with
the rest of the world.
Hattie-"What in the world did
Carrie marry that old man for?
Why, she is actually giving her life
away" Minnie-"Not Mt all. She
is selling her life as dearly as posi-
bic, He is awfully rich"
The doctor-'I think, my dear sir
that it would be better to have con-
sultation; your wife is seriously i'll"
Anxious observation-disclosures, told my
wife long ago she ought tn haveprop-
er medical advice, but she was so
afraid of hurting your feelings. -
London Standard.
DO you ever receive contributions
written on both sides of the paper?'
asked gentleman, entering a news
paper Office. "No, sir; never" en-
phatically replied the editor. Gan
right; l was going to indorse this
check toyour order, but Idon't want
you to break your rules" Then he
went out, leaving the editor in deep
green study.-Yonker's Statesman.
1t has often been said that the chief
characteristic of the epitaph is it's
lack OF veracity, but it is perhaps bet
ter that it should err on the side of
kindness rather than wound the liv-
ing by brutal truthiulness, as in
the case of an inscription written for
the tombstone of lazy man by one
who knew him well: "Asleep las
usuaD."
States Attorney: 80 the defend
ant did propose to you that you set
fire to the store and get half the
insurance. State now whether or not
lie offered to protect you from all
risk of punishment at the hands of
the law. What did he say about
that?" Witness: eyes, sir; he prom
Used to see me through. Hesaid he'd
manage to catch me in the act and
let you prosecute me-"
Mrs Grubber: "Well, WE'LL What
fools these editors bel' Mr.. Grub
her: "Eh?" Mrs. Grubber: "Here l
writ a letter to the editor of the
Punkinville Trumpet, askin' what
would be proper an inexpensive to
git for weddin' present; an here in
the paper he's printed list of about
q hundred things what folks gives as
weddin' presents, an there 'aint one
of 'em costs less than q dollar"
"Tell me, Uncle Charles" pleaded
Amelia, do you think that Henry
will make good husband?" 81
think he WILL" replied Uncle Charles
without hesitation. 81 offered him
a cigar last evening and he took it
as freely as it was given. When he
opened his coat in search of a match
he exposed his waistcoat, and it's
two upper pockets were filed with
cigars. | have no hesitation in say
ing that Henry will prove a saving,
economical husband" BIOS n
Transcript.
Several men were at work on the
brickwork of a new building. 1t was
the day after Thanksgiving, and
Mike and Pat were chums. Mike had
brought no dinner pail, as he had
been on n spree the night before.
About nine in the morning he got
very hungry, SO he helped himself to
Pats dinner. When twelve struck,
Pat missed his dinner, and upbraid-
ed Mike for appropriating it, Faith
| did, "but IN get ye another one"
"How are you going to get me an.
other one?" 'I'll soon show you"
There was a small pet dog playing
around the building, belonging to
the lady in the next house. Mike
procured small switch, and Selling
the dog by the back of the neck, be-
gan hitting him with the switch, not
hard enough to hurt him, but hard
enough to make him squeal like "blue
murder" The lady who owned the
dog, hearing the rumpus, put her
head out of the window and shouted
angrily, "What are you hitting that
dog for?" "Sura he ate all my din
ner." replied Mike, in an injured tone.