Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-03-25
cuAprrR xv-THE WOMAN WITH A PIPE

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inpsxucb dispute was being wagedf We left
him cIinging to the head of Lombardy
ponlar that was being swept down the Valley
of the Keld by the flood.
the head of a poplat was by no means the
most agreeable vessel in which to shoot the
ranids of Fleet lock and navigate the lower
EeId-dale In the first place it allowed the
wash of the descending current to overflow it
and in the next it had no proper balance, and
was disposed TO revolve like turbine in the
stream. The latter propensity was presently
counteracted by the branches catching and en-
tangling about some ponderous matter in the
bed. perhaps a chain from the locks. 1t was
not possible for Mr.. Pennycomequick to keep
drv He was like Moses in the cradle of bull
rushes, from which the pitch calking had been
omitted. He was completely drenched, because
submerged except his head and shoulders,
chilled, numb and giddy
The tree made plunge over the lock edge,
where the stream formed a cataract, carried
him under water, and came up again with him
still among the branches. He had seen the
hut crumble into the stream before he made
his dive When the water cleared out of his
eyes, and he looked again, he could see it no
more.
He threw himself on his back, with his arms
interlacing among the plant boughs. and his
face toward the night sky. He saw the clouds
like curd, and the moon glaring pitilessly down
on him in his distress, showing him wide field
of water on all sides and help nowhere. He was
too cold to cry out; he knew that 1t would be
useless to do SO. Succor was out of reach.
Lying Graded among the branches, elastic as
those of willow, he was fast as in net; bedded
among the twigs, he might let go his hold and
would be carried on. He looked up steadily at
the moon. and wondered how long it would be
before his eyes stiffened and he saw the things
of creation no longer. He could distinguish
the shadows in the moon and make out the
darkened portion of the disk. How cold and
cherries it must be yonder! A life of numb
ness and lack of volition and impulse must be
the lot of the Selenites! Fear of death, anx-
iety for himself, had disappeared; only sort of
curiosity remained in his brain to know
whether the condition of life in the moon was
more miserable in its chill and helplessness
than his present state of drifting in the cold
water.
Then he turned his head to take last look at
Mergatroyd. The lights were twinkling there.
He could distinguish those of his own house on
the hill-slope. He would never again set foot
within its doors, enjoy the comfort of his fire.
side: never see Salome again. And then in that
odd, incongruous manner in which droll
thoughts rise up in the mind at the most inap-
propTlate moments, it occurred to him that
there was to be anchovy-toast for breakfast.
He had been asked by Mrs. ellsworth if he
liked it. and she had promised it him. And as
he drifted, immersed in the deadeningly cold
brown water, at the thought the taste of
anchovy came into his mouth.
The valley of the Keld contracted-a spur of
hill ran forward from the ridge on which
Mergatroyd was built, and forced the river and
canal to describe a semi-circular bend. The
line however. had bored itself way through
the hill, and came out beyond, in park, among
stately but blackened elms. The spur con-
tracted the volume of the flood which there
fore became deeper and more rapid
With his mumbed hands Mr.. Pennycome-
quick unloosed his white neckcloth, and with it
bound his arm to a branch of the poplar. tying
the knot with one hand and his teeth, while the
water ran through his mouth over his tongue,
and washed away from it the smack of anchovy
that fancy had conjured to it.
Then he resigned himself to his lot A dull
sense of being in the power of an inexorable
fate came over him, the eageTness for life had
faded away, and was succeeded by indifference
as to what befel him. this to make way, as the
cold and misery intensified, for impatience that
all might be over speedily. He still looked up
at the moon, but no longer cared what the life
of the Selenites was like it was their concern,
not his. The thought of anchovy toast no
longer had power to bring its flavor to his
tongue. Then the moon passed behind drift
of vapor that obscured but did not extinguish
it, and jeremiah half-unconsciously with his
stiffening lips found himself murmuring the
words of Milton which he had learned at school,
and had not repeated since:
"The wandering moon
Riding near her highest noon,
Like one that hath been led astray
Thro' the heav'n ms wide painless way,
And oft, as if her head she how'd,
STOPPING thrO' heecy cloud.''
And so murmuring again, and more brokenly,
at last fell into complete Inconsistencies.
The critic who generally hits on those par
ticulars in a story which are facts, to declare
them to be impossibilities. and those charac-
tiers to be unnatural, which are transcripts
from nature, is certain to attack the author for
making man who trembles on the confines of
death think of anchovy toast and quote IL
PenSeroSo; to which criticism we answer that
he has had no experience such as that de-
scribed he would know that what has
been described above is in accordance with ma
ture.
For how long Mr.. Pennycomequick was un-
conscious he never knew, and no one. of course
was able to inform him. When he returned to
himself, he found that he was lying in a con-
tracted and queer bed, in the side of chamber
equally contracted and queer, tenanted, as far
as he could make out, only by a contracted and
queer human being whose sex was not be de-
termined at first glance. If Mr. Pennycome-
quick had recovered his sense of smell at the
same time that he recovered his other senses,
he would have supposed that during the period
of Inconsistencies he had been STEPPED in
creosote, for the atmosphere about him was
charged with the odor of tar
He was, in fact on board a coal-barge in the
little low cabin, and in the little low berth that
occupied almost an entire side of the cabin.
The cabin was but Eve feet high; it was lighted
by the hatchway. through which the steps de-
scended into it. At the extremity, oppo-
site the hatch, was an iron stove, the pipe from
which poked through the deck above. At this
stove was done all the cooking ever done in
this establishment and all the washing sup
posed to be necessary in it. as a concession to
public prejudice. On the side opposite Mr.
Pennycomequick's berth was another. on
which were heaped gowns. coats. wading boots,
a frying pan bird-cage, broken jug, Tom
Treddlehoyle's ''Bairnsley-Folks Almanac,
and Bible. When that berth was tenanted by
a human inmate, then the gowns, coats. boots.
FRYING pan, bird-cage, broken beer Jug, alma
nae and Bible were transferred to the floor.
Near the stove, peeling potatoes, and as she
peeled them, chucNing the peelings onto the
berth. with its accumulation of gowns coats.
irving pan and other articles, was woman
wearing a mans black felt wide-a-wake. a
mans coat, and smoking mahogany-eolored
pipe
Her face was so brown, rugged and mascu-
line. that it was only possible to determine her
sex when she stood up. Then she revealed
petticoats. short, and fastened together be-
tween the calves, so as to convert them into
something like Turkish trousers. Beneath
them protruded feet as big as those of man,
encased in stout boots.
BLESS mel" exclaimed Mr.. Pennycnme-
quick. where am II?
Then the woman half rose. She could not
stand upright in the cabin, she was SO tall; and
she came over to the berth in STOPPING posture.
"Eh lad tha'rt wiekl Dos't a. want to know
wheer tha' art? Why, for sure, tha'rt 1T Con-
quering Queen, as carries coils ta' Goole."
How came he-e?"
"Ah reckon ali hugged (drew) thee aht OF
water mysen. All saw thee foatin' by on tha'
rig Cback) taizled like + an owd tree. Sea tso)
had thee aht i a ifffy If ah hed'dnt, tha'd