New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-10-30

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In base ball, as in cookery. the best
batter takes the cake. Puck.
Though some of our colleges are
very old, they are still in possession
of their faculties.
Man is the lord of creation, but he
rarely presumes on the fact when he
occupies the same lot with bull.
An onion trust has been organized
in New York. There is nothing too
strong for a trust to tackle.
He-''Darling, will you love me
when I'm gomez" She-"Yes, if you
are not too far gone, .
A Detroit widow wants SIS, OOOfor a
kiss given her by her employer. What,
$4,000 for one kiss? Go togo to.
Give us two for five.
The faithful lover doesen't care
where the Worlds exposition is held
while he is holding the worlds fair in
his arms.
Doctor Ito dying patient "Death
does not end all, my dear friend. y
Dying Man-"Right, doctor! You
and the undertaken send in your bills
after that
The female organist of Utica
church has eloped and married a
fourteen-year-old boy who pumped
the organ. The affair has taken the
wind out OF the choir.
"What are your children quarrel
ing about so continually?" "Why,
you see, they are so of one heart and
mind. Whatever one wants, the
other always wants, too ~.
Ted-"I suppose the best way to
find out whether she loves me is to
go right up and ask her. Ned-"Not
at all my boy. Ask one of her girl
friends. '-Harpers Bazaar. ~
: "John, dear, doest't it make you
sad to see the leaves fall?" "Well,
not now; but it used to when was
a small boy, for then I had to sweep
them up"
Tired Child-S'Mamma. how much
did youput in the collection?' Moth
er-''A quarter, my dear. Why?"
Tired Child (gasping)-"Well, this
preacher gives an awful lot for the
money"
When the boilers of the steamer
Corona exploded, destroying forty
lives, nothing was saved except the
certificate of the United States boiler
inspector, to the effect that the boil
ers were all right.
"Father, what time is it," "Just
2 o'clock, my son. "Well" throw
ing down the hoe), Gust 21 years
! ago to-day at 2 o'clock I was born;
you can do your hoeing yourself
now"
If the smokeless and noiseless pow
der comes into general use salutes
will become thing of the past, and
the sun will go down without waiting
for the evening gun to fire, as now
required by army regulations.
Moneybags--EAdve my dear
boy, always pays" Youngblood-
ut hasn't paid me-" "What do you
mean?" Nothing, except that fa-
Their adv ertised me in the papers a
while ago and I Ravens been able to
get tick anywhere since.''
Papa-Which of your suitors do
you think you will accept, Maria,
Jones or Smith? Maria-Which do
you favor, papa? Well, Smith has a
; fine vein of humor. But Jones has a
fine vein of anthracite coal upon his
! farm. [ think I'll take him. Sensible
girl siftings,
A man at Monticello, Florida,
claims to have a tree which bears
ounces, pears and apples. But that's
! hOUhmg remarkable. A man in this
town has tree which bears apples,
sweet potatoes, pears, onions and
! pumpkins 1t is an axle-tree.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
Don't you think" said a youth,
after working his vocal chords with
intense vigour beside the hotel piano,
1:that [ ought to go on the stage?''
/ s'1es,'' replied Miss Pepperton, who
doesn't like him very well, anyhow,
II certainly do. There is one that
leaves for the station just an hour
and half from now"
Talk about the weather as fertile
topic for conversation! It is mot to
! be named with the ills that flesh
is heir to. What is our very first re-
mark upon meeting a friend or ac-
quaintance? Do we not inquire, quite
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