West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-08-15
J0KER'S BUDGET.

JOKES on the sun are too far-fetched.
Cool treatmeat-A plate of ice
cream.
A MAN in peck of trouble is in
measure to be piticd.
DRINKING rye won't help man to
attain rye pole age.
The old reliable permanent head
quarters: tho shoulders.
A PATCH is often the sign of poverty,
but not when it is n strawberry patch.
The man who registers at hotel at
night can be said to be on the retired
list"
WHEN the banks OF the canal break
the water Immediately rushes out to
End a receiver
ToM-Do you like mince pie? Dick
Yes, when IL isn't according to cook
ing school receipts.
WHAT straits arc most perilous ?"
asked the teacher, and little boy
cried out Whisky straights"
SMTH-,Ioues, what did You get for
pumping the water out of Green's cell
lar? Jones-The rheumatism.
WHEN a domestic hen goes into the
brush to make her nest it is because
she has grown weary of civilized ways.
She feels like laying off.
Mrs. GADD-Does your boy take
after you or his father? Mrs. Gabb-
Ee takes after his father. You never
can believe word he says.
HE-I wonder which Of those two
young ladies' is his sister? She-Whv.
the brunette. of course. Didn't YOU
notice that she had to put on her wrap
herself?
SARAH ASN-Oh, this awful railroad
junction Here we arc for five hours
with absolutely rothing toread. Mary
Jane (sotto voce)-Say! why couldn't
we read your hustle?
"YoURs is an agricultural country.
isn't itW asked man on the limit of
his new acquaintance from Dakota.
"Yes, pardner." what do you raise
mostly?" Jack pots"
ToN-H Have you seen Dick recently {?
HaIry-Ye7, ! saw him yesterday going
after doctor. "iIe was in a hurry, /
suppose" "No; he was getting doc
tor for his motherin-law.
WIFE-This is the third time Won
have come home drunk this week.
Hubby-D-don't be so p-pessimistic.
my dear. You should think Of the four
nights / came home sober.
ToM-Have you proposed to Miss
Bell. yet? Dick No; there's n rumor
IN circulation 70 the effect that her
father has lost MI his money. and I'm
just waiting TO learn the truth
YEARS ago Lydia Thompson publicly
horswmpped Mr.. Story, editor of the
Chicago Times When she was in that
breezy city spell ago she passed the
Times building one day and softly
murmured, "The old, old Story"
"MA, said Bobby, as it wrong for lit
tie boys 10 tie tin Kettles TO dogs tail ?"
Decidedly wrong, Bobby; / hope YOU
never do such a thing as that. - "No
ind ecd, ma" IeTlicd Bobby emphati.
cally; "all ] do is to hold the dog"
SHE-O, George, I think ma is too
mean for anything She said last ni0ht
IT ever ma ricd she would give the
pioEo TO my little sister Heidi she?
~ the way, dear, I'm ready 10 marry
you at any time now. The last obstacle
has been removed
a PEW days ago q fond mother
noticed that her little mx-year-old son
yiltcd % particular corner in the gar
den quito often. and watched his move.
ments. Going 90 where no was
STOPPING one day, she saw him examin-
ing % feather he had pulled ont Of the
ground, 20 see if 10 had sproutcd. His
mother inquired bis object i'm planting
. the quill when the youn0stcr re.
piled HUM i guess ! am going tc
raise chickens as we'll as anybody