The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-03-14
BRIGHT BITS.

JOHN BRIGHT is said to have once told Justin
Mccarthy that he had passionate love for do
ing nothing. 1t is a sort of Bright's disease
that has come to more than one lazy man -
New Orleans Picdytne.
WIFE-Where are you going, JohnY It's get
ting late.
Husband (who has been reading q patent
medicine almanac(-Im going to see a doctor if
live to find one.-Hdrper'S Bdzar.
THE saddest words are often the sweetest"
murmured DeBoor. THE lovers goodnight,
for instance"
Yes" sighed Miss Weary. 81 always like to
hear you say it. '-HGrper's BGzor.
FRED-Good morning, Brother Jack
Jack (gloomiy -,Howdy? Explain joke.
Fred--You called on Agile last night.
JACK dn stake care tone of voice We'll?
Fred-Oh, nothing She promised to be a sis
ter to me, too.-Judge.
The OLD LADY went to the theater for the first
time. The play was Julius Caesar" WAL, :"
she said afterWard, I've hearn tell that the
theayter were bad, but | think it's wuss than
bad. It's noJhin' but crime to kill all them
fellers just to amuse the audience, an it oughter
be put stop to. ''-Hdrper's BGzdr.
GILHooLY-It seems TO me that there are fewer
marriages than ever before. wonder what is
the cause Of it?
Gus De Smith-If young ladies would learn to
stick pin in their apron strings so that it
wouldn't scratch fellows wrist there would
be more marriages. Texas Siftfngs
JoNEs-AIatda where is that latch-k key l
handed you this morning?
Mrs. JOneS-In the pocket of my dress hang
ing up over there.
Jones five minutes later, desperately)-And
now, Matilda, will you please tell me where to
find the POCKET of your dress ?Judge.
ErHEL-When does your breach of promise
suit take place, Clara?
Clara (sobbing) -To-tomorrow
Ethel (sympathizin ;ly)-I am sorry to see you
so overcome, Cara, dear
Clara-Oh, it's nothing Ethel; | am simply
practicing for the ury-Once q Week.
RAYNER-C hokeband, why don't you come
around and join orr club? You've had invita-
tiOnS enough.
Chokeband-I know it, but I'm afraid it's an
intellectual affair.
Rayner--ph, no, it isn't. You wouldn't feel
out of place in the least. Burlington Free
Press
WIFE-I see that our neighbor, Bonds is down
again.
Husband What is it this time? Wheat, sup
pose?
Wife-No, I think from his appearance that
it was rye that has fioored him now And |
don't want you to dabbe with it any more,
either.-LOueH Citizen.
FOND MorHER-Doctor, what seems to be the
cause of Willie's trouble?
Doctor-Some foreign substance in the
stomach, Ishould say.
Fond Mother-Oh, yes those dreadful Irish
potatoesl will tell our grocer tomorrow that
ne positively must orlng us some American DO
tatoes.-BurlipGto Free Press
SYMPATHY Miss Maydew-It's very distress
ing to think that while we are enjoying SO many
luxuries so many poor people are wanting
necessaries.
Mr.. Cleverclat who poses as a philosopher
Quite SO. But e cOnUerSO, you know, it must be
very consolng to the poor people to know that
while they are wanting neceSsaries 50 many
people are enjoying Injuries. Fun.
BOBBY Ito young Featherlyy- kind of
music were you playing on the piano last night,
Mr.. Featherly?
Featherly-What kind of music, Bobby? Why,
| played selections from different operas It's
called operate music.
Bobby-rhen Clara was wrong. | heard her
tell ma that you had been entertaining her with
some alleged music.-Hdrper'S Bazaar.
JUDGE-You are charged with stealing chick
ems.
Uncle Alek-Yas, boss. OATS SO. / did it, |
can swear 10 dat. Jess what did, shuah.
Judge-Ten dollars and thirty days.
Uncle Alek-What's dat, boss? What kind o.
laws you gotY When a Teller turn states ebi-
dence don't you ef him 20 freef Nebber turn
states Evidence as long as lib. Now, you mine
datl-Plck.
GROCER TO clerk)-what are you doing there,
Henry?
Henry am picking the dead flies out of
these dried curIants.
Grocer-You just let EN- alone. Do you sup
pose that am running this business for fun I?
Do you think that l come down here early at
morning and toll all day just for the spirit Of
the thing? You let those flies alone !'-Arkaa-
sac Traveller.