Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1889-05-30

THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE
lsToRIEs THAT ARE TOLD BY THF
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
The After Dinner Speaker-Whils
Sister Practises-Very Likely-Re
Assured, Etc, Etc.
he set the table on roar,
And yet his brow looked sad;
With a cold eye he cracked the jokes
That drove them laughter-mad.
They wondered at the art that kept
His features straight and glum;
He ever heard a still small voice
''Oh, chestnuts! Pray, be dumb"
Puck.
WHILE SISTER PRACTIsEs.
Bobby (as the song ends)-"Why die
the minstrel boy take his harp to the wa
lpapaG"
Papa-"so he might practise wher
he wouldn't be heard, supposed"
VERY LIKELY.
Mr.. Gruffly-"It is very disagreeabl
to me to tell people unpleasant truths.
Mr.. Candid-'I expect it is unpleas
ant for you to tell truths of any Sort
Sytings.
RE-AssURED.
Miss Middleton-''Why do you star
SO, GeorgeW
George-"Did 1 understand you to sa,
that your father is failing2"
Miss Middleton-"Physically, Imean.
George (settling back )-"Oh, all right
Twas afraid it was something serious"
A BOY IN BOOTS.
Grandma-"Where's the fire, Mary
Didn't l hear the engines go by9"
Mother-"Oh, no, dear. That wa
Freddy coming into the hall with his new
boots on. "-Burlington Free Press.
TRUE BUT MEAGRE.
He-"There was a first-rate description
of you in the paper this morning."
She-"Oh! was there2 Where2 d.
tell me-"
He-''In the weather report. 1t said
sFair and cold. .'"-BwlingtOn Free Press
HARMONY IN THE FAMILY.
He-"Now, my dear Fanny, what shal
1 get you for birthday PRESENT."
-"Nothing at ALL"
'Isn't it singular that for once W,
agree4 At last there is harmony in tn
family. We have hit upon the SAM
idea. ."-SVtings.
CAUSE FOR NERVOUSNESS.
"What's the matter with you, Brake
LOCKE"
''My nerves are all unstrung."
"YOu're dissipating too much, I fear.
"Not at all; I've just had an hour
interview with a female book AGENT =
Nebraska State Journal.
NO POCKETS NECESSARY.
Customer-''HOw much are thes
trousers9"
High-priced Tailor-"Twenty dollars
sir. By the way, how will you have tn
pockets arranged2"
Customer (gloomily)-"You needn'
put in any C1ethier and F'mnisher.
RARE CURIOSITY.
Visitor (dime museum)-"You are no
freak, are yOu2"
Lady-"Yes.
"Beg pardon, but what is there re
markable about you9"
81 have been married ten years, and
never told my husband that could hav
got plenty of richer and handsomer mel
n.I'd wanted EN-"
A GENEROUS PROPOSITION.
First Student-.-Look here, I've got
proposition to make to you."
Second Student (who has been payin,
for everything)-"What is it2"
"Hand over your pocketbook. I don
want people to say that you are paying
for my refreshments. Hand over tina
pocketbook, and I'll pay for myself fron
now on. "-Sjtings.
FOR SUPPER.
In grocery, as elsewhere, the genera
rule is: "First come, first served;" but
of course, the rule has to be broken il
cases of emergency.
Small 'Boy-"Come, hurry up and ge
my things! Mother wants them for sup
per-"
Clerk-"What will you have, sir9"
Small Boy-"A bar of soap and rol
of stove-polish. GrOcers' and Gamers
Gazette.
GREAT ON ECONOMY.
Young Wife (affectionately) 1--WE cal
live economically, l know. To begin
you can stop smoking, resign from tn
club, give no more wine suppers, ant
Oever, never treat any one."
Young Husband (faintly)-"C Certainly