The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-03-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUM0R OF THE DAY.
The place to call the roll-Breakfast.
An under current-The Atlantic cable.
A "howling swell"-The sea in
storm.
A political nObleman-The official
count.
"Catch words"-"Nab," "grab,"
"clutch, etc.
Happy is the dude who has the mus
,taehe down fine.
A bank note-"Dear sir, you're ac'
count is overdrawn."
There is bat little poetry in gas bill
when the metre is out Of order.
Object TO the impediment to their
speech. The Chicago Anarchists.
A woman glass eater named Eliza, in
A Denver dime museum, is known locally
as Crystal Lie. -Pttsburg Chronicle.
When a public ollice-holder comes to
feel that he is big gun, i is time for
him to be fred. -.SomerDiRe journal.
A kiss is often explosive. But we have
vet to see the lovers who shrink from
this particular kind of dynamite.
Pdcifc States.
A mans disposition can often be
Judged by the color of his eyes, but still
more correctly by the color of his nose.
Burlington Free Press.
When the bashful young man finally
comes to the point, it cools his ardor
considerably to find, perchance, that it
is the freezing point - Time.
The reason why hte dove Of peace still
hovers over Europe, Ethelred, is because
she can't find any place sufficiently clear
of bayonets to give her footing.
How like the ague is this boon
or matrimonial strife
The fever ends in one short moon,
The chill runs on through life.
-Bslfords Magazine.
"That Campbell family are the very
scum of the earthl" 'But, Harry, they
move in the very highest circles "Well,
isn't scum always found at the top"-
Time.
"Well, Patrick, what struck you most
during your Southern trlp" 1.-THE mule,
SCRIP replied Patrick, with a grin that
disclosed the absence of nine molars.-
Burlington Free Pros.
'I-aw-wahnt tie, doncherknow,
to match my eyes" "Let me see. Blue
eyes and-er-sorry sir, but our blue
ties with red edges are all sold. Have
some in next week. "-HayPer's Bazdr.
Monsieur X-'I have an invitation to
Nine. Y.'s ball next week" Monsieur
$50 have L. Monsieur y. aston
ished)-'Ts it possible! She must in
tend to give a very large party.
America.
Americas madhouses are pretty well
loaded with insane people, but they
can't hold IA candle or kerosene lamp to
the number of fish that go in seine al
certain seasons of the year. oil CITY
Blizzard.
A Rondout barber, who it seems, can
never get an ''edge" on his razors, was
dumbfounded several days ago when
customer dropped into the chair and
said "Give me laughing gas before you
begin operations.
"Why not call North Dakota inca.
papal" asks the St Paul Pioneer Press.
That's it; why rot Why not call it
Chaubunagungamaug; Why not call
it Chimquassabamtook, or Molechunka
munk - NoI7oich Bulletin
A petition is being circulated among
the business men of New York, who
patronize the elevated road, requesting
the guards not to kill more than one
member in family, except in cases of
absolute necessity. Lie.
The merchant had been sick unto
death Tell me the truth, DOCTOR he
sand, lis the danger over" "Sure," said
the doctor; there is no moro danger: the
crisis is passed" And the merchant re-
voles his bequest of $4,000 20 The hos
pital.
Bad Actor lin restaurant" "Waiter,
what do you mean by bringing me such
eggsl They are absolutely rotten.n
Waiter who had seen the actor perform
the night before 81 thought that was
the kind you always got, sir. - brakes
NagdEiHe.
Miss Spinster TO shoe dealer)-'T
see that you have marked down some OF
your shoes" hoe Dealer" "Yes; that
line of ladies' shoes is marked down
We have marked em all down two sizes
Now there's a tidy little gaiter, 4, /
think will just fit you Miss Spinstef
bushes and buys the shoes. -Hdr psr's
Bazar.
A patent-medicine vender in a country
village was d,lating to a crowd upon the
wonderful efficiency OF his iron bitters
why said he, 'Steye jenkins had
only taken the bitters one week when he
was showed into prison for murder, and
what does Steve do but open vein in
his arm and take iron enough out Of hi,
blood to make a crowbar, with which he
pried the doors open aud let himself
outm
Propagation OF Oysters.
Thu Eranch mafhnd of nrnnnratinr