The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-03-14
WIT AND HuMOR.

dafr In plalt is all rlRnC II IL lSHG
the butter-plate--Hotet Mail.
Tea aud coffee are we'll termed ''lux-
uries Of the grocer kind. ."--HGrpers
Bazar.
A diplomat is one who can receive
an insult without letting everybody
know about it.-Neao Orleans Rc0-
yune.
Russian novelist was recently ar
rested on suspicion of being implicat-
ed in plot. They read his works. He
was discharged-PncS.
Tommy-"Say. paw, was there
best man at your weddinga" Paw
IL should remark. There she sits right
now. ."-Ierre Haute Express.
Wife-"W What happy looking couple
those two are! l wonder how long
they have been married" Husband
20, guess they're only engaged. -
NcW York Weekty.
Tell a young man he should have
mission in the world, and the chances
are that he will go to Washington and
ask for foreign mission.-Neao Or
leans .Picayxne.
The late Oliver Ditson left $4,000
for the founding of a nome for poor
singers. But the sum is appallingly
inadequate. Fifteen millions wouldn't
house half of them.-Puck.
''What is n man-of-war?" said a
teacher to his class. "a cruiser" was
the prompt reply. What makes it
go?"7 "Its screw. sir" who go with
it?' sits crew, sir. Ocean.
The man who always tells the exact
truth in this world on every possible
occasion may have clear conscience.
but he will never be popular among
his neighbors. -Son,erUitle journal.
Hannah More, it is related by tradi-
ton, .'never was kissed in her life" Is
it possible that this betrays the origin
of the slang phrase, That's what's
the matter with Hannah?"-Nes0s-L Let
ter.
Missionary Qo prisoner)-My poor
friend. don't you regret what brought
YOU here? Prisoner-Indeed do, and
when get out the duck that peached
on me will regret it, too!-1eIas Syt-
ings.
Jack-Well, Clara made her debut
on the professional stage as Cleopatra
last night. Jacks sister-Did she
come out with honor? Jack doubt
fully)-N-no, she didn't come out with
much on her.-1ime.
Jnks Ito old friend in theater lobby
II notice YOU come out after every act.
You are not drinking. hopeP Blinks
%, no; but it is rather tiresome in
side. / came with my own sister this
time.-New York Weekty.
At the musicale: He-The doctors
have decided that wrinkles are mainly
produced by laughing. She-What an
awfully jolly time poor Miss Passe
must have had during the many years
she has been with us.-Ierre Haute E1-
press.
Mother-To think that my little
Ethel should have spoken so imperti-
nently to papa to-day at dinneri She
never hears me talk in that way to
him. Ethel (stoutly) We'll, but you
choosed him, and / didn't.-Harper's
Bdzdr.
Dalbey-l am proud to say I never
had an enemy that didn't get square
with. Wagfall-lf you would only
pursue the same plan with your friends.
Dalbey, several of the boys would be
sporting new spring overcoats. s.-IeTre
HtIute Egpress.
When a conductor sees four women
enter the horse-car together you will
notice he always starts right in TO col
lect his fare. Generally the women
decide who is to pay it before the car
reaches the end of the route.-.Somer-
riLle Journal.
A waggish cabinetmaker, who re-
paired chairs as an accommodation
advertised thus: s'All kinds of chairs.
and bills contracted therefor, receipted
with pleasure His wit and wisdom
turned him in a deal of cash trade
Nantucket Inquirer.
Prima donna (proudly)-s.If that is
the Prince of Wales at the door tell
him the Queen of the operatic
stage has no desire to associate with
mere Princes" Maid-s'It is not the
Prince, madam; it is soap manufac-
turer.n 20! Admit him. ."-NeW York
Weekly.
Viewed in one light the prohibition
OF drinking saloons within 200 feet of
cemetery seems unnecessary. The
dead will not be disturbed by it, while
for the habitual tipDlcr The cemetery
where he will soon take up his resi-
dence will be conveniently near
ChrtStiGn at Work.
Good dame-.'I was so glad to learn
that you had at last joined the anti
swearing society. But why didn't You
join beforeP" Young man-.+foo ex-
pensive. The fines used To be a dime
for everything; but lately the rates have
been reduced to six eusses for quar-
ter. ."-Neoo YORK Weekly
Mrs. Winks-Folks say Mr.. Weed.
the cigar manufacturer, was converted
at the revival last night Mr. Wlnks
-Guess it's true. stepped i'm this
morning for my favorite brand of two
for-five cigars. and noticed the card
''Pure Havana" had been moved over
to the l5 cent Philadelphia Re-
cord.
DE Chord-t'You don't mean to saw
you went to an amateur concert last
nightP" De Musio-s.Yes; couldn't
well get out of it. and, besides, the
object was one which l heartily favor
ed" Benefit of an orphan asylumP"
mo; 1t was to raise funds TO send the
principal singers to Europe" -PAita-
delphiG Record.
Mr.. Algernon Nibbs-Miss Grace. /
have something important to saw to
you, If your mind is wholly unpreoc-
cupied and receptive. Miss Gracc-I
assure you it is. Mr.. Nibbs. have
Just oeen reading your article on .s.rhe
Elements of Culture" and there isn't
a single idea in my head.-Bmrlington
Free Press.
Mrs. neutrality-suspicious., what do
you think is the matter with me? Doc
tori am inclined to think your blood
is not pure. I'll have to give Won
something to purify your blood. Mrs.
Bondelipper (haughtily) = You are
probably not aware that l belong to
one of the old Dutch families of New
York.-HedIth.
Mr.. Huggin, an English astronomer.
has received the Jansen gold medal
from the French Academy Of Science.
There may be reason why spooninfnr
couples wander away from the frivoi..
Gus dance to gaze silently and thought
fully upon the little twinkling stars.
They are studying Huggin.-Nsu, Or