Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1889-01-10

LOU MANY LOT you are tney!
"Rather! To begin with, my wife stopped
the clock last night, and got me up at mid
night to build fire and draw bucket of
water. Then she told me was an April
fool, and advised me to go to bed.
"Yes!'
"Then Sister Kate painted the baby's
face with some kind of red stuff, and gave
him the butcher knife to play with, then
hollered for help. 1 don't know when
have had such fright before. Then Sis
ter Molly boiled eggs for breakfast, and
when l broke one, there was nOthin' there
but the shell; and finally the old lady got
me to try to put laudanum and cotton in
her hollow tooth, when the Lord knows
she hasn't had tooth in her head for ten
years.
"Well, suppose you are going to get
| even with them"
s'I'd give up all hopes, but if you will
| help me I'll try 'em for luck. See here,
Mr.. " what did you call YOURSELF"
"Higginson-Charley Higginson."
"Wen, Mr.. Higginson. You are travel
| ing, l see. Would your business admit OF
| your laying over day."
''My dear SIR" began, 81 never allow
personal affairs to obstruct the pathway OF
duty: and when meet fellow creature
in such evident distress"
''That's me-" ne assented, gleefully. 81
| am an object for public pity, if there ever
was one, but if you will take hand in the
game, We'll change all that. See here,
| now, do you think you could fill the posi-
| ton of the Lord of the Manor, the patri-
arch of the flock, and the head of most
interesting family group for few hours,
with credit to yourself and the good
| cause:''
1T would be lots of fun, if we could
carry it out successfully" said 1, very
much taken with the originality of the
| scheme.
s'Oh, there is no danger of failure" he
replied, reassuringly.
'Sally-that's my wife-has gone over
| to Billy Watson's to see their new baby,
| and won't be home till late; and the old
lady is too near blind to ever find out the
difference"
''But your sisters?"
''Oh, I'll put you on to a way to pull the
wool over their eyes. It's a go, amt it:''
Don't say no, All we have to change is
our coats and hats, for l see we both
wear ducking overalls, and our boots are
about the same style. Oh, Great Bos-
ton. I'll show them girls who's the April
fool"
1.-THE next thing is a horse-swap," said
Miller, as he drew my broad brimmed hat
down over his ears. II am only going q
couple of miles up the road, and won't
ride your horse hard. Now let me give
you few pointers"
''The only danger of discovery is from
sister Molly" he added, finally. "She
was brought up by an aunt in East Texas,
and received no education, but she is as
sharp as a steel trap, and you'll have to
keep your eyes open when she is around.
my
will be all right. You see, | am subject
to fits of neuralgia, and you want to make
'em think you've got an awful bad at
tack"
Show will manage it,"
easy enough. Take this red handler
chief and tie it around your Jaw. There,
that hides half of your face. Now ride
back to the house and tie your horse just
inside the gate; the girls will take care of
him. Go into the room on the left of the
hall. and drench your face with pain
killer-you will find the bottle on the fire.
board-and then flop over on the bed and
groan. If any body speaks to you, hold
on to your jaw and growl. Don't cuss,
but use as strong language as would be
permissible for q leader in the Sunday
school, and a deacon in the Mt. Pisgah
Church. If you have to say any thing of
double strength, say Great Boston! That's
my own private property, and they are
used to hearing it. And now that you are
thoroughly posted, here's my hand. Good
bye. and good luck to you. l Will drop in
at twelve O'Clock, and see how you are get
ting along" and he rode off up the hill,
highly elated at the contemplated joke
upon his unsuspecting wife and sisters.
L fulfilled his directions to the letter.
Leading the big sOrrel inside the gate, I
b,.I,l Il
left him where he could paw up a flower
bed with his forefeet and demolish a rose
bush with his heels. felt no apprehen-
sion but that the girls would attend to his
case as soon as they saw him. No one
was visible about the house as L entered,
but the clatter of earthenware and the
murmur of feminine voices indicated the
locality of the kitchen. l opened the
door on the left of the hall; threw my hat
in one corner of the room, and my boots
in the middle of the floor; got hold of the
liniment bottle and rubbed my jaw with
its OdoroUs contents; kicked over chairs,
and stretched myself on the bed. There
| were two beds in the room. l took the
one nearest the fireplace.
The clatter of the falling chair brought
q small boy upon the scene. 1t is Won
derful how boys will naturally gravitate
| to a racket. This particular kid was, per-
haps, four years old, and small for his
age. but he grasped the situation at
| once and proceeded to make comments
| thereon.
That's granny's bed" said he.
| lay perfectly quiet. OF course, the
genuine Dick Miller would have known
whose bed it was without any telling, and,
if he had found it convenient to repose
thereon, would hardly have moved for
| forty Ceramics"
Pm goin' ter tell her, daddy" con-
| tinued the boy, menacingly, then waited
! for some time to watch the effects of
his threat. Finding me obdurate, he
| fell back to the kitchen for reinforce
ments, and | heard his shrill voice an
nouncing that Dads in the room with
his head tied up, am he's wallerin' all over
! granny's white conterp'in with his dirty,
old breeches.'
81 expect your pa has got another one
of his bad spells," [ heard the weak voice
of the old lady say. 'Mebby, one of you
| girls had better so and see if he don't
want something" Light feet battered
| along the hall, but paused at the door of
| my room, and | heard a little scream of
| diSmay.
"Oh. that great old horse! He is Just
| running every thing in the yard, l don't
see why Dick didn't leave him outside, or
| call some of us to take him. Kate! l
wish you would come and see after Dick,
I've got to put old Prince in the stable"
'.Does your face hurt you, brother?" in
quired gentle, sympathetic voice at my
| bedside.
Iwould gladly have told her that the
magic of her presence had instantly re-
| lieved the pain: but 1 remembered the
course that had been directed to pursue,
| ,,,J ii