The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-10-05

Behind her. holding to the tail of her
gown, skunk poor little Myrtle, her teeth
chattering like oastanets, and the great
big frightened Jumps in her throat al
most choking her.
"Where is hep
"Oh, the rascall"
sis Mr.. Pierce out of town."
"What keeps the patrol?"
"Can he have escapedg'
"No, hear him."
"Just listen to that"
"That' was a perfect fusillade of
groans, kicks, oaths, sneezes.
Despite the excited chatter going on
around her. Mrs. Pierce was cool, Mrs.
Pierce was collected. Indeed, she was
actually beaming.
What did men do, who, unlike Dave,
had incapable and brainless wives?
Her burglar alarm had been effective.
The scamp was most likely SO blinded
by the red pepper he could not find his
way out.
Who was it said n woman had no in
ventive genius?
She would be praised for her brilliant
prudence. Perhaps-ecstatic thought
she might even be written up in the pa
pers under the caption of "Heroic Mrs
Pierce" or "a Brave, Brainy Woman"
"Harkl" some one said; "here is the
patrol wagonl'
And there it was, to be sure, dashing
up to the door with great flourish.
The 'officers leaped out-entered the
Pierce residence.
All the crowding, half clad individuals
in the front hall commenced proffering
clamorous explanations.
(which is the lady of the house?" de-
manded an officer.
81 am modestly proclaimed Miranda;
''and if it were not that am woman
of expedients, this contemplate law
breaker would not be so neatly trapped
And she positively grew as she uttered
her laudatory remark.
ooh, come onr' growled the officer.
Hurt but uncrushed by his brusque-
ness, she held the kerosene night lamp
over her head, and, followed by Myrtle,
| the policemen and the ever increasing
| group of neighbors led the way.
''There he isl' she cried, as she flung
open the kitchen door.
Myrtle gave o howl of terror.
"Yes, there he isl" corroborated the
neighbors.
The officers advanced; SO did Mrs.
| Pierce; so did those following.
And this they saw: A room Uttered
with scattered tins and broken glass-a
room flooded with water-the air unbear-
ably pungent with the odor of ammonia
and floating particles of cayenne pepper;
and in the midst of all, seated ON one of
the overturned tubs, his elbows on his
knees, his head held in his hands, groan-
ing and moaning at an agonizing rate
the intruder!
"The bloodthirsty wretchr' exclaimed
Mrs. Pierce.
"Hush,up; he might shootr' murmured
cautious neighbor.
"Officers, do your duty!'' loftily com
manded the young man who was study
ing tragic recitations.
But they all were now sneezing in sucl
a convulsive manner that an attempt tt
secure the midnight marauder was neces
sarily spasmodic.
"Come! (a-chewD You are under ar
restl Q-t-chewD Help here, boys! Con
found that pepperI'
The man ON the tub raised his head
He looked around.
Mrs. Pierce gave a-shriels of dismay.
"Oh, par yelled Myrtle.
The officers fell back. Those of tn,
neighbors who could speak between
sneezing began to question and explain
The man they had come to capture
rose-spoke.
81 missed the train (t-chu-uD l wen
to the lodge for couple of hours.
thought my wife might have failed Ga
tchew-oo-ooD to fix this widow, anC
I-ah'-
He went off in another paroxysm.
A ludicrous and yet pitiful appearances
he presented.
He was dripping from tumble in tn,
tub, dirty from q stumbling collision
with the coal hod, cut by the batterinl
shower of pots and pans, perfumed will
ammonia, and evidencing every symp
tom of a most aggravated case of hay
fever.
"Why didn't you use your latch key
Dave?" asked Miranda.
/, ''Because left it behind in the pocke
of my old (chu-hu-oooD suitv' with al
angry glare.
"Or-or," more family, ''ring th'
bell?"
"When the bell is broken?" he inquired
: with crushing sarcasm.
"Ohv murmured Miranda.
She quite wilted.
Never again dsl she dare refer to her
self as woman IF expedients.- NJ
Cleary in Philadelphia Saturday Night.
In the section of the Paris exhibition
devoted TO the HistOire tlu Theatre ther,