St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-07-07
The ARIZONA KICKER.
Western Editorial Life Has It's Cyclones
and Gains.
AN OUTRAGE PERFORATED.
A Stranded Wreck and Missing Bride
Mike the Slayer" Done
Up.
We extract the following items from
the last issue of the Arizona Kicker:


For the last six months Maj. Davis,
of this burgh, has lost no opportunity of
abusing us, and boasting of what he
would do if we did not step softly. The
reason for this conduct lies in the fact
that the Kicker not only called him
horse thief, but proved him bigamist
besides. Last Saturday the major, who
has no more right to that title than
mule has to that of professor" Dor
roWed a shotgun and gave out that he
had camped on our trail, and meant to
riddle our system with buckShot on
sight.
Word was brought to US, and al
though we were very busy at the time
experimenting our combined weekly
newspaper, harness shop, grocery, ba
Zaar and gun store (all under one roof,
and the largest retail establishment in
AriZona). we laid aside our work and
went over to Snyder's saloon in search
of the major. We found him, and we
gave him such whipping as no man in
this town ever got before. He lies a
broken and stranded wreck on the
shores of time, so to speak, and the doc
tor says it will be six weeks before he
will find any more trails or do any more
camping.
SLIPPED A COG.
In company with the elite Of this
neighborhOod we were invited to the
abode of Judge Graham last Thursday
evening to witness the marriage of
County Clerk Dan Scott to the beautiful
Arabella johnson, only daughter of the
aristocratic Widow johnson, of Bay
Horse Heights. The widow had made
spread worthy of the days Of Cleo
patra, and Dan had Oh a new suit sent
by express from Omaha for the occa-
sion. Everything passed off pleasantly
until s o'clock, at which hour the bride
was discovered to be missing, and in
vestigation soon brought out the fact
that she had gone dead back on Dan
and skipped the tra-la, whatever that is,
with bold cowboy named French Jim.
She left message to the effect that she
could never, never love man with a
cataract in his left eye, and that meant
Dan. There was a feast, but no we'd
ding, and Daniel will have to try again.
EXPLANATORY.
AS several versions of the incident
that occurred in our office Saturday
night are flying around town, and have
probably been telegraphed all over the
world, we deem it but right to give the
particulars as they occurred:
We were seated in the editorial chair,
writing leader on the European situa-
ton, when a rough character known
around town as ''Mike the Slayer"
called in. AS we had never had word
with the man we suspected no evil. AS
matter of fact we reached for our sub
scription book, supp0sing, of course,
that he wanted the best weekly in
America for a year. The Slayer then
announced that he had come to Stay us,
not because we had ever done him
harm, out because the influence of the
press was driving out the good old
times and customs.
We reiterated toward the door of our
harness department.
He pursued US with drawn knife.
We then felt it our duty to draw our
gun and let six StreakS of daylight
through his body, and as he went down
we stepped to the door and sent boy
for the coroner. 1t was a clear case of
self-defense. and the inquest WIS
mere formality. We lament the sad oc-
currence, but no one can blame us. We
paid his burial expenses, and in another
column will be found his obituary,
written in our best vein and without re-
gard to space. No other Arizona editor
has ever done half as much.
NO HARM DONE.
The boys got after stranger the
other evening who was pointed out as
horse thief, and ran him all over town
with the object of pulling him up to a
limb. In some manner he gave them
the slip, and in their zeal they got hold
of Judge DOWney and held him up to a
limb for over a minute before the error
was discovered. The Judge is gu-guing
around with sore throat and stiff neck,
and threatens to bring about fifty dam
age suits.
Take a friends advice, judge, and
hush up. You got Off powerful easy,
considering your general character.
While it was a mistake, the boys were
not so far wrong after all. We wish
such mistakes would occur oftener.
WE BIDE OUR TIME.
While selling Mrs. Col. Prescott
four pounds of pruneS for half dollar
the other day, Constable Button entered
and asked us to step across the street
to the office of Esquire Williams. We
Obeyed the request, and were at once
served with warrant charging us with
keeping bales of hay on the sidewalk in
front of the Kicker office, to the detri-
ment of pedestrians. AS is we'll known,
VIC run SIOC0ly, loSu oIOl0, Hall
shop. bazaar and music house in con-
nection with the Kicker, and the hay
was out for sign. We were tried, con-
victed and fined s9-the grossest out
rage ever perpetrated in the name of
the law.
We shall bide our time. That is, we
shall begin next week and show Squire
Williams up as a drunkaad, dead beat,
absconder, embezzler and perjurer, and
if we can't drive Inn out of the country
in six weeks we will forfeit lung. The
man who made the complaint did it to
get even with US for refusing to lend
him our only button-behind shirt. From
this out he is a marked man. We will
begin on him next week, and We'll bet
ten to one hangs himself inside of a
month