Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-10-09

of it an "if."-EX.
The London Aeronautic Societ,
started a paper called The Balloon
II has gone up.-Puck.
Guard-Sir, if you want to smoke
in this carriage, you must either ge
out or throw away your cigar.-Ex.
Next to Rider Haggard's hot pot {
jack pot is one of the warmest thing
known to man.-Washington Capital
Carpet salesman--Yes'm, that
genuine Brussels, made at Brussels
by Mr.. Brussels himself-Rochestel
Budget.
"Meet me on the corner tonite," he
wrote, "and dew not fale." And sht
answered him, "There is no such worG
as 'fale. '"-Ex.
He had been there. Binks-Mis'
Sweet is bouncing girl, isn't she =?
Jinks-Yes but her father is more
inclined that way.--Lawrence Ameri-
can.
A fast young fellow, about to mar
ry, speaking of his intended, said to a
friend of his. "In short, she has ev'
erything in her favor-fortune, wealth
and money."-Ex.
First doctor-I hear you treated
my neighbor for typhus fever. Was
it a bad case?
Second doctor-Very bad, the man
never paid his bill.-Ex.
Policeman-Do you have to take
care Of the dog?
Nurse girl-No. The missus says
I'm to young and inexperienced. |
only look after the children.-Life.
Mrs. Caldwaller-Is that an inter
esting book your daughter is reading?
Mrs. Brown-It must be. saw
her reading the end of it before she
had got through the first chapter
Elk.
1t suited her. He-Talking about
names, l wish l could get mine chang
ed. | think is is too ugly for any
thing.
She enthusiastically l don't ;
| think it is just lovely.-Tid-Bits.
After the tenth glass-Waiter, who
is that fresh individual staring at me
over there?
Waiter-Begging your pardon, sir,
that is-a-natural mistake. Your
honor probably sees his reflection in
the mirror.-Ex.
Very exclusive. Mrs. Uppertehn
We will invite the Tennizens, the
Rightouts, the Lards-
Mr.. Uppertehn Gndignantly)-.The
Lards The devil
Mrs. Uppertehn-I don't think we
had better ask him. He is not in our
SEEK.
Hunter-Did you see wolf and a
pack of dogs pass this way?
Farmer-That's what it was gee
whiz, but want they going though
Hunter-That's good and how
were they making it
Farmer--When they passed here
the dogs were little hiead-Ameri-
can Field.
Carrie-Yes, my brother is in the
militia. He's high officer but I've
forgotten just what, but it's either a
colonel or corporal.
Charles-A colonel or corporal
Does he carry a musket?
Carrie-Of course Somebody s
got to carry them, you know, and
Henry's not the man to shirk his share
of the burden.-Ex.
Bagley-I hear that Mrs. Mosen-
thai has presented you with twins,
Solomon ?
Mr.. Mosenthal-Yes, it vas a fact
twin boys or Pm liar.
Bagley-Must be quite an expense
eh
Mr.. Mosenthal-Yes, but der's one
good ting fought of. De same pho
tograph will do for little Ikey or lit
tie Jakey, dey 10 k so mooch alike
-Ex.
Mrs. Hodgkins-Don't you think
jeff, now as we are well fixed, we
ought to have library
Hodgkins-No, mum. Don't talk
books to me. | got no use for them.
Mrs. H.-Well, all the neighbor:
has 'em.
Mr.. HI take no stock in 'em,
tell We. got History of Greece
t'other day, and l looked the hui
thing through. Darned if I could
find thing about the lard-rendering
business. s.-America.
Wickwire-I wish to goodness some
one would invent a way to distinguish
between type-writing machine and
the girl who runs it.
YaIelay-T obould th;nL an man M