West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1889-12-26
HUMOR OF II DAY.

-
Don't hit a man when he is down; he
may get up.
Protection on glassware extends to
where it gets into the hands of the hired
girl.
Beauty may be only skin deep; but
the plump girl gets the most sleigh-rides.
Puck.
In the race of life it isn't the fast men
h come out ahead. -BinghdmtOn Re
publican.
Hush-money, when used, is more apt
than any other money to make a noise
Pioayuno.
Nature has made some men tall, and
iaziness has made them short.-Burlinq-
ton Free Press.
The youth who becomes i'll from in
diligence in a 'snipe" has a stubborn
malady.-BinghamtOH Herald.
Two Of the wealthiest men in the
West are said to have been messenger
boys. 1t pays to go slow, after all
Statesman.
Yes, there is plenty of room at the
top, and there always will be unless ia
NAAbiNo ~ BtNNhR hhtiN w mllONtds-
BinghamtOn Herald.
Little boys generally look on little
girls as a nuisance; but when they grow
Older the reverse is generally the case
AiItoaukee journal.
She-'FYou have often heard, of course,
of the mermaids singing2 | wonder what
tune they singl" He-"Nep-tune, 1
suppose. "-Le@rence american.
''You say your husband is a great
whistlera' eyes, indeed you ought to
hear him some time when my milliner's
bill comes ome!"-Statesman,
Love will go where &c is sent;
At least. 10 say the scholars.
But often love, 1 fear, is bent
On going where It's dollars.
Boston Transcript.
A Mormon has been committed to Jail
for contempt of court for refusing TO tell
how many wive he had. Evidently his
misery was more than he could confess.
dorchester Post Express.
Landlady-''What's the matter, Mr..
Georgei You look down in the mouth"
Mr.. George-"Just so. I've almost
swallowed a feather from that chicken
uMpup, "-Nei0 York Journal.
: Smifkins-"Aw-I-a-want you to
Hairdresser (who doesn't like being called
'barber'0-''Cert'nly, sir. When shall
we send for it2"-Oae q Week.
Jeweler TO Chinese laundryman)-
'fWhy, John, you'll ruin that watch by
allowing it to lie in the suds." Laundry
man-''Me puttee him in soak, alice
samee Mclean man, '-JeeelerS' Weekly
"AlasF' cried the captured fish,
"How little did l Opine
The worm that looked so delici-
Gus could have such a horrible spineP
-Net0 York. Herald.
A. TO his friend, the famous painter
Of battle scenes, who covers up with
smoke all things that he does not know
how to paint-"And what arc yoIr
going to do when they use the smokeloes
powder2'-Fliegende BLaetter.
Eighteen centuries ago a prophet had
no homo in his own country. Nowa.
days there is mighty little honor about
them anywhere. If there were then
wouldn't be trying to make people be.
heve they could prophecy -DansgMe
Brcez..
Muskrats in the Northwest are build
ing houses three stories high with man
sard roofs and bay windows and steam
heaters in the cellars. Some persons may
think this is a sign Of a hard winter, but
1t isn't. It is a sign that somebody is
lying.-NeD York Necs.
Chicago Girl-"Oh, Auntie, we've
just been out shooting at the target.
Great sport, / tell you" Boston Girl
eyes, indeed I fully coincide Wit
Belinda, although the diversion is some
what arduous. ] succeeded in perforat
ing the bovine optic three times in sue