davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26
VIII Give Him > Liz

A tramp stopped the Rev David
Swing, who, with meditative air, was
walking along Michigan avenue, and
said
My dear sir, you look like a benevo-
lent man.
Il hope so, MIR. Swing replied.
"Ah, 1 feel that you are" He tried
to make one leg shorter than the other,
and then, after giving to his face that
Inundated look of suffering which is
the tramp's greatest accomplishment,
added:
would you mind helping me a lit
tIe?-lust little. 1 am almost fam
ished. 1 haven't had q bite to eat for
four days"
We'll, come over to this restaurant,
Mr.. Swing replied. g" and VIII get you
something to eat.
my heart futters with thanks, noble
sir, but the truth is, I am a victim of
dyspepsia, and beset by the peculiar
fancies of the dyspeptic, / can eat only
at a certain place. The only place in
this town where 1 can eat is a modest
little restaurant away out on North
Clark street, near Lincoln Park. Give
me twenty-five cents, please, and let me
hasten out there ere it be too late"
am going out that way, said Mr..
Swing, "and shall take pleasure in
seeing that you get enough to eat.
The agony on the tramp's face deep
ened. 1t Is long way from here, sir,
he mournfully answered.
81 know that, but I have business
out there"
How fortunate; how exceedingly
fortunate. Let me see, now. / am a
comparative stranger in this bowling
turmoil Of city-wait moment.
have made a mistake. The restaurant
is on West Madison street, away out
near Garfield Park"
"That is still more fortunate" Mr..
Swing replied, "for your mention OF
it reminds me of the fact that I am al
most at this moment due in that neigh
bOrhood. Come let US hasten
-er-that is-say, Idon't really
feel able to go away over there, that is,
not in company with any one, for if I
am in company with a man whom [ adj
miTe I am compelled to talk. and my
physician has warned me that talking
is positively dangerous to my nervous
system.
"WeI1, you get on one car and I viii
get on the one Immediately follow
ing. Thus, you see, we shall be separ-
ated."
Eyes, and a capital idea, too, but in
my heart-way down in my heart of
hearts, I could not place such restrice
lions on you"
mo restriction, I assure you"
ooh, in your generosity you deny it,
of course, but-Oh, by the way, now
that I have thought so much upon the
subject, I remember a restaurant down
at Drexel boulevard.
"My friend, I have not. for many
years, come upon so many odd coinci-
dences. Believe me, I am now on my
way to Drexel boulevard. Come let Us
take a car.
The tramp sighed, and then the hui
inflated look of suffering faded from
his face. ct cave, said he, "I simply
throw up my hat and cave. Let me
know when you are to deliver your
next temperance sermon. and I viii
come around to Central Music Hall
and give you lift. So long. "-ATba11-
SdIC Traveller.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

AT the inauguraI-baII supper in
Wa ,hington $3.50 terrapin we're used
in 300 gallons of stew, and As, 600 raw
oysters were served in ice blocks, TO-
900 oysters steamed, 10000 more in
pOIette, 300 gallons in consomme, 1000
chicken croquettes, and 1000 sweet
breads. For cold dishes there were
1000 assorted sandwiches. 500 gallons
of chicken salad, 200 gallons of lob
ster salad, $50 beef tongues. $50 Vir-
ginia hams, $50 boned turkeys. 10000
quails, 500 pounds pate de foie gras,
800 pounds Of game pates, 1000 quarts
Of ice-cream, 800 quarts of Roman
punch, 200 quarts of orange-water ice,
10 barrels of fancy cakes, and two
boilers, holding 80 gallons each, were
kept going all night in making coffee !;
400 pounds of coffee was used.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

accompanied by such an example?
Now, I haven't a word to say against
a high temper; it is an excellent thing
to have. "What!" I hear you ex-
claim, in unfeigned establishment,
while the "bad boy" who had been
stamping with rage, stops his crying
and looks round-eyed with wonder,
the big tears still clinging to his
Iashes and coursing down his plump,
rosy cheeks, as he turns his head to
see what I can mean by such an un-
orthodox statement.
But I repeat it; a good, high temper
is 'an excellent thing to have" So is
a fast bIooded horse, if he does not
run away with you. To this end you
must know how to govern him. He
must be conquered, first Of all; not
'brOken," but made a subject to gov
eminent in kind, firm, judicious way.
The hOrse-trainer would not think of
breaking your colts leg because the
inexperienced, spirited young animal
reared, and kicked, and plunged, and
tried to run away when first he found
himself with a rafting set of wheels
fastened Just behind him, which kept
running after him in spite OF all that
he could do to prevent it.
Nor would you advise the breaking
OF q limb, even though it might be set
and spIinted. and become useful again
in due course of time. Why, then,
break your chiId's temper? Do you
not know that this very high-strung
spirit is what viii, by and by, give
him vim, force, and energy in his life
work, whatever that may be, and
meantime viii conduce to his becom-
ing manly, self-reliant, and indus
triOus.
Don't knock, shake or beat the tenn
per out of the lad, lest you make him
goOd-for-nOthing, lazy and shiftIess; or,
should you fail in your attempt, vicious,
brutal and q ne'er-do-welL Patiently,
lovingly and gently teach him to
govern himself, invoking the Great
Trainers aid, and thus bind him to
your heart forever, while laying the
foundation of a character of which you
justly may be proud.
Nothing pays better, nothing yields
surer, steadier compound interest than
wise and tolerant treatment of the
young. Nothing tells more powerfully
on the lines and characters of your
children than the example set by your
own Unexpectedly at home and in
your business relations. Therefore,
II JOu WOu1NL LCd 44C1@ cs-4A
speedy reward, look carefully to your
words and ways-aye, and to the mo-
tives back of them. The parent is the
chiId's first book; and often it is read
through and through bpEore father and
mother deem the letters learned.
You cannot begin too early; begin
now. Strive to give the unborn an in
heritance which shall make their future
task and yours the easier; and do your
best to redeem lost time with the elder
members of your little flock, and rem
edy that which it IS too late to pre-
vent.
Do you say that you lack wisdom
Then seek of Him who has promised
to give "Hberally" and without "up-
braiding, so that when these years Of
earthly pupiIage are ended, you and
your children may both safely be gath
cred into the blessed home Of "Our
Fathers" house on high.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26
LETFER 10 THE CO...
The Debate.

but William Henery he'd 1t IN ms back
awful bad fur two or three days. Hes
all rite now tho, an we air u gOin over
to the o'clock tea to Mis- Hopper's on
the day arfter tO-morrer mite.
But, Mr.. Editur, / beleave / Wus a
tellin you about the school marin an
the wilder at the Litanny Sciety hevin
a rebate.
1t Wus sumethin about wimnin hevin
a rite to lee Their franch eyes. dunno
jist whot it ment, but thay did.
The wilder spoke furst an she thot
thet wimnnin ort to be let vote an hole
oriice an all tibet, ses she: "The min
folks air glad enuf to hev us winning
go to church, to party's, to the theRter
an to heVlng with EN- an fur my part
cant see why we shOodnt go to a pole
an vote with EN-. furthermore, ses
she, Il Woodn'b be depended on to the
best man the good Lord ever made,
jest to be abused by him.
She sed quite o lot more, an then
the schoOl-marm she got up, an ses
she:
"AIy 'onered opponement ort to no
jest how meen the other sect is, seein
es she hes he'd sum appearance with
en-" an sed she, "Every buddy nose
tibet she woOdn't jump ennything hire
then a tin rale fence to git 30 be
depended on to one of them same
Crewel, hateful, tyranycle men, thare-
fore we must include tibet she air jest
talkin fur the sake of argynnint. ="
All the min folks clapped thare
hans an LATED, an the wilder got es
red es our old gobbler.
Then she went on, an ses she, al
don't beleave O woman Wus ever created
to vote, but Jest simply to be loved,
an she looked over to WHARF her new
bow wus a settin. The min folks all
stamped there feet an cIapped worse'n
before. When they quit, she ses, "The
reesOn why the min like to hev US pore
lone wimmin go with EN- to church an
sech places es becaus tibet es thare
proper spear, but es fur a gOin to the
pole, / wOOdn't go now eff 1 Good, but I
cant say what 1 might do when I live
to be es ole es sum peple thet no so
mulch about it.
She sed lot more, but I haint got
time to repete it. The school marin
beet, an everybody cheerd, an the Wild
der looked pich forks an hay hives.
Thay called on the school marm fur
a song, an she sung sumthin about
picknick. It he'd in it:
An big fat Bill, the BOBBY, moved roun like
live haystaGk,
he upset the Ienainade tub, an wet Mis- Joneses
back
They all hoIIered an LATED, and even
the wilder jined in an arsked her to
speek a peece, so she spoke "AIr.
Socrates Shocks"
Tt tells sumthin about him q gittin
married an a calm everything "my,"
his wife tole him to say "our"; he sed
he woodn't, but when she took her slip
per to him, he wus glad to say it. An
so next Sunday, es they wus q gittin'
reddy for church, he ses, "DIy dear,
may we put on our new Sunday breech-
es 2" That brot down the house, an
she ended by sayin, Beware Of wild
ders, so I spose Mis- Shocks he'd bin q
wilder. Everybody LATED an LATED
an thot they he'd a awful good time.
We air a goin agin. think it is
awful inproven to go to such places.
Lor SURF, I mus quit rite Off an go an
bring them close in often the line.
Yourin in haste,
HESTER Ann ScooPER.
Chicago Ledger.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26
Honesty Rewarded.

Some time ago a wealthy man died
in Brussels, leaving nearly his entire
fortune to a young woman who was en-
tireIy unacquainted with him. The
America71 -4Y't Printer explains that
this is how it came to pass: He was q
very eccentric man, and set out, like
Diogenes, in search of an honest man.
His tub was an omnibus, and his Ian
tern q small coin. In the omnibus he
used to take his. seat every day near the
conductor, and always showed himself
very obIiging IN passing up the money
of passengers and returning the change,
but to the latter he always managed to
add a franc or half franc. Then he
would watch those to whom it came.
They would count it carefully, notice
the extra coin, and invariably slip it
into their pockets. No one thought of
the poor conductor, whose meager sal
airy Of three francs a day could III sup
port such q loss. But at last a young
woman passed hers back with, Con
ductOr, you have given me half franc
too much. Diogenes, delighted, fol-
lowed her home, made inquiries, and,
as the answers were satisfactory, made
his VIII In her favor, though he never
gave her warning that her halt franc
was going to bring her half q million.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

FRANK CUsHNG's find of a vast GEM
etery in Arizona bids fair to be of
greater Importance than was at first
supposed. Over one hundred skulls
being examined, all prove to be of the
broad or round type, and not che of
the long or dolicho cepbaic sort.
There are fragments and remains of
arts and Industries in the graves which
enable scientists to reconstruct quite
fairly the state Of civilization of the
natives of that land when the ceme-
terry was in use. But most important
of all, those who were sent on from
Washington to aid Mr.. Gushing have
discovered that in the jaw there is in
varia5ly a popularity almost unknown
to our race. The problem of the an
cient population of our Southwest now
seems near solution.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

THE Russian papers are publishing
various statements according to which
the Russian branch of the English
family Lesley has recently inherited
in England a legacy of some e1O.OOO,-
600 sterling. The 1egatees are, how
ever, according to the papers, re
quested to become British subjects
before the amount is raid to them.
One of them, General Lesley, who
only a short time ago was appointed
chief of a brigade at Ve1ni. in Asia.
has just arrived at Kief. He has told
some friends that it would not be con
venient for him as a Russian military
officer to become a British subject,
but that there is a fair hope that about
100000 rubles viii be paid without
the obligation being enforced.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26
EXCELLENT THING TO HAVE.
BY MISS H. a. sTEINHAUEB.

% are q bad, bad boy Z"
Yes, that was what you
said as you roughly
shook him and thrust
himinto the corner, there
to stand until he could
''be good" Your voice
rose loud and harsh by
reason of an unseemly
exhibition In yourself Of
the very fault for which
you fancied you were
justly furnishing your
son. But could it have
been justice you were
netting ont to him when
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

THERE is living near Sycamore,
Mass, a family that occupies farm
that is said to have been handed down
from father to son for six generations.
When the father of this line, Thomas
Upper, settled on the laad in 1924,
the place was an Indian village known
as Shaun.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

THERE are many men of many minds,
and being learned in the law does not
bring men to see and think alike.
Supreme judges do not agree any more
than eminent surgeons. A st. Paul
paper quotes fifteen cases which have
been decided in. five different ways in
the different States.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26
Some Figures by a Reporter.

One Of the problems with which a
reporter on a morning newspaper has
to deal is the probability Of finding at
home men whom he is assigned to in
terview after O'Clock IN the evening.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

THE Panama Canal Company, in
paying up some of its men, found that,
owing to two men having been muir
dered, it became necessary to value the
loss sustained by their relatives. Ten
dollars apiece was the amount settled
upon. Life in Panama apparently does
not come very high.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

AM panied to receive
later Intelligence from
d G ar old Bienheim
which leaves "a g no
chance to doubt that a
cloud about the size of
a joint school district
has obscured the honey
noon of the Duchess of
Marlborough and tn @
eminent but naWsty
Duke. 1t is only a lit
tie while since they
were married in the
midst Of all the pride
and grandeur Of Mayor
HeWitt's Office, sur
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

The suicide Of the wretch Pigott at
Madrid is the logical outcome of his
exceptional career of crime. Convicted
of blackmaiI, forgery, perjury, and of
playing the traitor even to these whom
he was profes sing to serve. and of do
ing it all for money, having confessed
that he was guilty of every crime
charged against him, and having
branded his own forehead with his in
famous record, what was left for him
to do but blow off the head that could
conceive and harbor so much infamy?
History fails to record a more despi-
cable or diabolicaI character. Most
criminals have some redeeming quality.
This man had none. Having muir
dered his own character, his own in
tegrity and seIf-respect, what better
could he do than to murder himself?
If the argument for total depravity
needs any illustration in future, it al
ways viii be found in this man Pigott.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26
Satisfaction Wanfef.

Magistrate Ct0 Mrs. Con Kelly
You claim, Mrs. Kelly, that Mrs.
O'ToOhhan gave you that bruised and
blackened face?
Mrs. Con Kelly-She did, yer Honor,
or I'm not Irish born.
4Iagistrate-And what you want IS
damages?
Mrs. KeIIy-Naw, sir; I want salts
faction. I have damages enough
Harpers Magazine.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

AN inhabitant of Portland, Oregon,
not long ago offered to sell twelve
acres of land for $3.50 per acre. His
wife refused to sign the deed, and
though he was angry at the time, he IS
more than pacifed now, as the prop
erty viii brine $50 900 readily.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

THE other day teacher of a Boston
school showed little girl a picture of a
fan and asked her what it was. The
little girl did not appear to know.
What does your mother do to keep
cool in hot weather." asked the
teacher. Drink beer, was the prompt
reply Of the little girl.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

DURING the sessions of the Fiftieth
Congress u. $50 bills were introduced,
of which about one-ninth became laws.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

A GEORGIA man has a hen which
lays double eggs, each one having an
egg within an egg, as it were.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

WAsHNGToN's private secretary was
a young man named Tobias Lear, whom
President Washington discovered in
Massachusetts. There was also for
some time a Colonel Humphreys in the
household of the first President. He
had been attached to the American Lee
cation in Paris under Jefferson. and it
was mainly by his advice that the
stltely etiquette of Washington's Ievees
and receptions was introduced. The
private secretaryship was not of much
Importance in the beginning of the
Republic The Office was created in
order to save the President from the
drudgery of signing his name person
ally to land warrants and other official
documents.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

able. In his peculiar field Of talent
Philip q. Welch had no superior.
His death is a loss to the newspaper
profession.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

A NAN IN Jamaica, Vt, has started q
and caIIsit Jamaica Ginger.
That's the paper to take in the green
apple and Watermelon season.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

A NEW rendering of the old text: It
is easier for q camel to go through the
eye of a needle than for a poor man to
get into a fashionable church.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

DURING the inaugural ceremonies
President Harrison sat in the same
chair in which George Washington sat
when no was inaugurated 100 years
ago. The chair is old, and Gen. Har
rison lowered himself into it very
quietly, and did not put his feet up on
the railing of the porticO Of the
Capitol.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

HERE is a cheerful paragraph from
the Admission (Ala.) Times The city
OF Admission spreads its form over 5000
square acres, or a circular surface en-
bracing ninety lots of forty acres each.
It's sixty-eight streets cover a distance
of eighty miles, while its alleys add
eighty miles more to the distance that
one must travel to take in every part
and section of the town. The average
value of land is about 81, 500 per acre,
some acres running up as high as $751;
OO1. Not an acre in the city could be
purchased for less than 81, 900.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26
AN AMERICAN DUCHESS.
BILL lYE's VAIL FOR TIE WOES
OF AN UNLUCKY CREATURES.

The Treatment OF the Duchess at Her New
Home = Subjected to the Indfguity of
NFadIng Across the BEOat When the
Draw bridge Is Tied Up.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

WHAT the world wants, says some
body, is a new religion. We doubt 1t.
Some people are not willing to pay 1oT
what they are getting now.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-04-26

TIE Jail in Morris County, New Jer-
sey, boasts of dwarf less than four
feet high, who drinks more water than
any other man in the State. Formerly
he was the champion whisky driuker
of his district, and for habitual drunk
enness and disorderly conduct he was
committed to the Jail some weeks ago.
At first the sudden cutting off of his
customary allowance of strong liquor
almost Frustrated him. Recently, how
ever, he has developed a passion for
water that is more pronounced than
his old craving for whisky. He drinks,
it is said, a gallon every night, and
accosts the first keeper he sees in the
morning with a demand for more.
During the hours of daylight he re-
quires from eight to ten quarts to
assaage his thirst, and still complains
of a dryness of the tonsiIs. He says
he never felt in better health in his life.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-05
RED MEN MAKE MERRY.
Practical Joke Played Upon Our +,
 teemed Morning Contemporary.

Practical Jol>e Played Upon Our Es-
 teemed Morning Contemporary.
 About seventy-five members of Tunxis tribe of Red Men sat down to a tempting supper at Bolster's restaurant last night. Oysters. meats, pies, cakes, sandwlches, and all the other ct ceteras were on the bill of fare and every one was in the best of humor until it was discovered that the hardy sons of the forest could not digest the cotton batting with which the cake was raised, or the sawdust and molasses pies which the committee had prepared for the occasion. It was an April fool joke four days late. When the fraud was discovered there was a moment of suspense before it was an- nounced that the sandwiches and coffee were genuine. Then there was u wild rush for the tables.and for few min- utes the raging tempest in each red mans breast was stilled.
 When the last biscuit had disappeared and the appetites of the warriors still clamored for more than was forth coming feeling of revenge seiz- cd every man and a nasty council of war was held. After mature deliberation it was decided to offer up a sacrifice and a committee was appointed to visit the office of our esteemed morn ing contemporary and kill young and old without mercy. It was at an hour when all honest ''injuns'' are supposed to sleep that the scouts laden with lux uries for a last supper climbed the stairs leading to the wigwam of Editor Mor- TOW. They left the viands and retired promising to be back before sunrise to light the funeral pyre, The great chief of the Republican was startled little at | first, but his seventeen years experience whispered to him that the Red Men joked and wished to surprise their white brother. The victuals, quoth he, are not for publica | tion but guarantee of good faith. The l cake, pie and oranges were set aside fol the brain workers, while the common every day sandwiches were passed over to the composing room. Mir Morrow haC just penned the first sentence of a notice complementary the Keene dramatic company when the devil handed him ; piece of cake. He was hungry and bi
 deep into the tlaky but tasteless luxury Slowly he withdrew his teeth and pu
 the thing in the waste basket mutterins the while something about dam. The devil silently stole back to the composing room and told how the boss had a fit The prints eat their sandwiches witl great relish and the sold newspaper mar completed his "Richelieu" i'll silence That he slightly mixed the characters
 crediting to Mrs Jackson the part of D.
 Baradas, a villain. is not to be wondered