Morning journal and courier., 1889-04-09
SMALL.

When the pantry door's unlocked the small boy gets his deserts.-Terre Haute Express.
 What is the height of zeals When news paper reporter precipitates himself from the third story window in order to get beat.- Fliegende Blatter.
 There is as much difficulty in locating the site for new navy yard as there is in select- ing the spot on which one would have boil New Orleans Picayune.
 The great chess tournament is now in pro- gress in New York city. The games should have been postponed until May 1. That's moving day.-Cleveland Sun.
 Venus has no moon. How in the world do the farmers there know when to plant cu- cumbers or Skill porks' Or how can a storm ever "clear offs"-Lowell Courier.
 Buckles for shoes were used altogether up to 1900, and in those days nobody ever saw a man hunched up against a fence tying his shoestrings.-Burlington Free Press.
 It would not be bad idea to change the old saying, "The pot calling the kettle black" into man who lives in Brooklyn making fun of man who lives in Jersey Clty.-Puck.
 First business man-s1 see it stated that Wanamaker proposes to run the postofice department on business principles." Second business man-''Well, I am glad of it. This pATluR ds mucu IOI StaLups Dy the SQe6t BE by the piece is an outrage. Philadelphia Record.
 At the Grocery.-Mrs. Brown-"Fresh maple sugar, ehF' Grocer-"Strictly fresh; there are no flies on that sugar, Mrs. Brown. J Mrs. Brown Examining 8 cakel-"May be not, but see there were flies on it last r"- Chicago Herald.
 "Does Miss Haysee singa" asked travel- ing man of friend, who had just introduced him to young lady. "Well, that's largely a matter of faith" s'I don't understand yon." ,'It depends altogether on which you believe; her mother or her neighbors. ."-Mer- chant Traveller.
 The mew GUS membrane is probably highly developed in cats.-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele- graph.
 You can't tell the age of saw by looking at its teeth, but the antiquity of old saws is apparent at sight.-New York Journal
 A Boy with an eye to Business.-Newsboy Cat Baltimore Railway station)-"Is this 8 through train from the Westf Conductor "Yes." Newsboy-''Goin' to Washington" Conduotor-"Yes. Newsboy (enteriug car)- "Mornin' papers! All about the Presidents latest appointments Ohio's chances for--" Passengers (rising en masse)-Here, boylh- Chicago Tribune.
 A Flat Refusal. Janitor-"Have you any children, sira' MT. Kidby-"Yes, three" Janitor-'I can't let you have this flat then" MT. Kidby--"But my children are all mar ried." Jsnitor-"It doesn't make no differ ence." Mir. Kidby-"They live out in Chi eago." Janitor-"Can't help it, sir, the owner says he won't rent to nobody who has children, under no circumstances."- Puck.
 Fits like Epilepsy. ''The Browning col- lar" is the latest thing in mems neckwear. It can be worn buttoned under the left or right ear, or under the chin, or st the back of the neck, with both points turned up or down, or with one up and one down, either one, doesn't make cents difference which; and the maker challenges creation to find a neck that it will or will not fit. It is sold for two shillings because there is no cents in it.-Brooklyn Eagle.