Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1889-07-10
LAB LIS.

Guest-"Waiter, give me bottle Of Cha
teau Lafitte." Waiter-"Sorry, sir, but we
have used up all the labels. ."-Texas Siftings.
A soft thing: Dobson-"Say, Perkins has
struck a snap" Domby-"You don't say
so." Dobson-"Yes, stepped on rat trap in
the dark last night" Thine.
A desirable forfeit: "Will you eat philo7
loses" "Then win akiss." "And if I win,'
ssThen have to kiss you."-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
Would do as well: Timid youth-"I have
a poem and want to see the editor" Office
boy-'The editor Is busy. Tll do just as
we'll. Pm on my way to the waste basket
now."-Judge.
visisor-''so your sister is off on visit,
Williea suppose you feel very lonesome
without here" Five-year-old Willie (dubi-
ously)-"Ye-es, feel lonesome, but-I'm a
good deal more comfortable. Chicago Jour.
Policeman e a. m .)-Come, cir; You must
move on. You've been standing here an
hour" Pompano with dignity)-"Know it
-waitin' for carzh." Policsman-"No night
cars on this line. SIR" Pompano with in-
creasing dignity)-"Waitin for day carzh;
timesh nozzin' to me."-Life.
"Pleass, Ma'sm, will you give me an old
suit of your husbands clothesa am one of
the Johnstown food sufferers" "Poor mani
Of course will. Come right In. So you
Ma'am, but my wife sent all my clothes to
the people who were."-Washington Post.
Two Irish visitors to the Greatest Show
on Earth, after doing the menagerie thor
oughly, came to a passage over which was
the legend, exit" "Begorra, Pat," said
one of them, eve musn't miss the exit, what
ever kind Of haste that is." They followed
the index finger on the sign, and all too soon
found themselves on the outside out of the
show and denied the privilege of entering
again unless they repaid the price of admis-
sion.-Boston Budget.
First lady (behind tall hat at the theater)
FEATHER out of style, isn't lit" Second lady
Tin loud whisper) -"Yes, they were wearing
hats like that in Paris when was there two
years ago., eyes. thought 1t was about
that old. What fimsy material 1t is made
of!' 'Horrible cheap. saw some of that
in the window of second hand store marked
=" Lady in front Ito companion)-"It sc
dreadful warm here I will have to take of
my hat."-Sunday Mercury.
A lady at the Highlands is going through
the ordinary experience initiatory to the se'
curing of competent servant to answer the
door bell. After few days of trial with one
the lady was surprised at the non-appearanct
VI oOuo Oh1AcAo WAO W0AO OAp0CUCA3 bAo uOl
attention being attracted to the door bell sh'
found that It's tongue was muffled. Calling
| the girl, she demanded to know why this wa
done, whereupon she replied: "Faith ,ma'am
I'd never get done If I didn't fix 1t when I'm
busy, for it do be ringing all the time."-
Boston Budget.
The Elephant and the Stork.-One day al
Elephant saw, for the first time, Storl
standing upon one Leg. ''Well, well,
mused the Elephant, s.that seems sensible
What is the use of my using all four legs a
at onces Better use one at a time and res
the other three. May my Tusks turn int
Vegetable Ivory" continued the apt olt
Pachyderm, eff don't try that" So up h
Jumped on one of his Hind Legs, and En-
joyed the sense of triumph for about one
thousandth part of a second, at the expire
tion of which period he lost his balance an
Slid down Sand Hill with such Speed ths
you couldn't tell where the Elephant CON
menoed or the Landslide ended. Havin
rubbed an acre of Sand out of his Eyes, b
said "The Moral of this Fable Should teac
you that Imitation is the Sinoerest Flattery
yet should you ever try to be yourself an
| no one else. It also might teach you tn
Nobility of acknowledging Honest Defeat
and of Remaining in the Background an
allowing another to assume the role of tn
Dog upon which Novelty is tried. ."-Pucl