The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-04-04
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Pills.
1t is suspected that an exclusively
vegetable diet will result in turnup
nose.
A woman in California was so incon-
solable for the death of her husband
that when she played the piano she
touched only the black keys.
waiter, bring me some PASSPORT her
rings in cotton-seed OIL" mot on the
bill, sah.n Never mind the bill, bring
me box of sardines. boston Post.
An exchange says the reason there are
so many mutton heads in existence is to
be found in the fact that such q number
of children are perfect little lambs"
Sorrows ofthe cross-eyed man-"NIiss
may have the honor of the next waltz
with you ?n Two ladies eagerly rising)
with pleasure. n-FIiegende Bldtter.
Citizen Ito architect)-"What are you
going to do with so much fat pine Pr
Architect-'I am going to use it in the
construction of a fire proof building"
ArkdnsdU Traveller.
Young men,believe in nothing nova
days." says Mrs, Ramshotham, with a
deep sigh. why, there's my nephew,
Tom, who was brought up as Chrisi-
ian, and now he's an acrostic. m-E;r-
change.
Hello, Jones ! | hear that Charley
has married Miss Smith. Who solem-
nized the marriage, MIR. Textual or Par
son Creed ?" Neither, my dear bow.
1t was Miss Smiths mother. She's liY-
ing with them
Ticket agent lat railroad station)-"I
wish some way could be invented to keen
men away from the ladies' window. "
Bystsnder-"Easy enough. Put the sigr
For Ladies' Only on the other window"
-Netc York Weekly,
"Bright's disease has no symptoms Of
Its own" says DIR. Frederick Roberts Of
University College, London. First ge
rid of the kidney disease by using War
ner's Safe Cure, then the effects Of symp
toms will be removed.
Bobby was curious about the "white
stuff" on the awberry shortcake. His
mother explained how it was made, and
pretty soon he said feelingly. "Please
give me another spoonful of the spanked
cream. "-Companion.
when the spring time comes" we
usually find ourselves drowsy and ex.
hausted, owing to the impure and slug
gish state of the blood. To remedy this
trouble, take Ayers Sarssparilla, the
most powerful, yet safe and economical,
blood purifier in existence.
Very stout old lady (watching the
lions fed)-"Pears to me, mister, that
amt very tIg piece O. meat for sech an
ANIMAL" Attendant with the most stu
pendous show of politeness)-"I s'pose it
does seem like little piece of meat to
you, ma'am, but it's enough for the lion,"
ShIIoh's Uatarrb Remedy.
Shiloh's CataIrh Remedy, marvellous
cure for Catarrh, diphtheria, canker
mouth, and headache. With each bot
tie there is an ingenious nasal injector
for the more successful treatment of
these complaints without extra charge.
Price so cents. Sold by ], T. Shurtleff,
Bennington.
PA" asked sleepy Bobby, "can ask
you one more question if it amt fool
ish ?" "Ya'as," almost shouted the old
man, who was trying to read. "Well,
If toad had tail, pa, would it inter-
fere with his jumpin' or would it help
him like it does the kangaroo 2" In less
time than it takes to tell it Bobby was
between the sheets.-EpOch.
Dyspepsia and Liver complaint.
Is it not worth the small price of rs
cents to free yourself of every symptom
Of these distressing complaints, IL you
think 80 call at our store and get a bot
tie of Shiloh's Vitalizer. Every bottle
has printed guarantee on lit, use &C
cordingly, and if it does you no good it
will cost you nothing. Sold by John T.
Shurtleff, druggist.
1T Is USELESS
for young ladies who are troubled with
freckles, pimples, moth and tan and a
bad skin generally to use liquid paints
or dry powders, for they only make the
skin look well for the time being. To
have a good complexion you must have
pure blood. Use Sulphur Bitters and
your skin will be fair and complexion
rosy Young Ladies Magazine.
Sensible Wife-"My dear, you remem
Der, OF course. that before our marriage
| told you that l rather enjoyed cigar
smoke. Well, am sure do not love
you any less now, yet the fact remains
buht L 1Oui hlbh
greeable. Why is it ?" Sensible Hus-
baud-"When only had myself to sup
port smoked two for quarter. now l
smoke two for five. "-Phitddelphid Rec
ord.
"What are you doing here p asked
visitor of the young woman who sat on
the front seat Of the museum platform
with her hands folded under her apron.
do you write with your toes, take
snakes in your hands, or swallow burn
ing papers p mo, ma'am I'm the
young lady that always wore my dia-
mond engagement ring with the stone
turned in whenever l went out in COM
pany."
Interested People.
Advertising a patent medicine in the
peculiar way in which the proprietor of
kemp's Balsam, for Coughs and Colds,
does il is indeed wonderful. He author
ICES all druggists to give those who call |
for it a sample bottle free, that they may
try it before purchasing. The large bot
lies are zoe and SlO0. We certainly |
would advise trial. 1t may save you
from consumption. For sale by all
Druggists.