Evening journal., 1889-12-09
TIE EPTSTOLART CRANK.
FUNNY THINGS FOUND IN THE
MAIL OF TWO PUBLIC MEN.


ton, after examining bushel or more of
letters ''Some Of these should be preserved
ID alcohol-here's one, for instance" and he
handed the following to reporter;
WANTS A MILLION FOR IT.
ALLEN. ALLEoANY County. N. Y.
st. Louis Exposition Director;
DEAR SfR--I learn you have got big show In
your city that handles everything. have a nat
ural curiosity that would draw bic. have offered
il 70 number Of museums, but they would not
pay what / want for it; l heard you folks give
more for attractions than anybody else and /
want to know what you can give I'd bet my
franchise there amt another one like 1t, nor half
as good What is ity I'll like some to tell me-
but I'll tell you what it's like.
Last spring felled a hollow butted beech tree,
and splitting the butt rail cut found the center
6lled from about two feet above the ground with
something that looked like flesh. and which
partad from the inside Of the hollow with some
lifaculty as it seemed to be sort Of grown to the
wood. The thing was somewhat longer than
man, but It bad no form-jGst straight piece Of
flesh that fitted the Irregularities Of the trees in
terior But looking closer l found what seemed
like q kind Of face, and then traced out what re-
manned Of nose, ears, arms and legs. There was
a little orfce where the mouth ought TO be that
the thing was breathing out Of just little
The flesh was very white and tender. and shrunk
away il touched. put t on the bob Sled, took it
home, and the school teacher who was boarding
there and me concluded it was the reminiscence
Of q slave who had run away in war time and,
being almost caught had squeezed up into the
tree; that the hole had been stopped up, and the
negro not being able to get out, the growing wood
had pinched him and the sap Of the tree had sup.
| piled him with llfeunt found him. AS he could
not grow sideways he was forced to grow some
way, and when he had been compressed out of all
| shape to accommodate the space inside the exten
sion began The big bunch ofwoolly hair indicated
| his Afrcanness and no mistake. The peculiar
| food and darkness blaached him thought the
creature was going to starve to death once, but l
| made beech nut soup and poured it into what
used to be his mouth win take S1,O00O9O for
him. FRANCIS DENT
FREE SHOW AND FREE PASS.
"You'll invest, of course, in this oddityp
/ queried the reporter.
1T would be a star, replied the manager,
| tif it existed except in the writer's BRAIN
| But the demand for s1,00O,000 betrays him
| for an insane man, even had we not received
| similar letters from him before. He was a
school teacher, but has been confined four
years. Every time he escapes we get one Of
those epistles."
"Here's one from a museum manager, Mr..
Mills continued, (which inquiries if think
the girl who receives the beauty premium
| can be induced to travel for moderate salary
with a sort Of side show, and if | viii act as
his agent in the matter By way of post
script he says that while she would be a
drawing card for him, it would advertise the
st. Louis exposition immensely"
"What viii you replyg'
"Replya Why, if had the fellow here I'd
--rd-rd'--
And tho manager revolved everything
mean he could imagine in his mind, but con-
tempt curtailed the assignment until he finally
ejaculated:
I'D tie him ina Chinese laundry to fatten
on ratsP
Another oddity was the letter Of a Chicago
| mechanic, who Expressed in stultiae3 .yhrassa-
ology the highest admiration for "the show,
and summed up with a request that Mr.. Mill.
use his influence to get half fare rates for the
writer, wife and baby to visit the exposition
or, he admitted, he would be glad Of passes,
and, as an inducement, offered If any plaster
ing wants patchin' to do it.
Requests for passes to the hall are numer-
Gus. One man writes from Ottawa, Kan,
asking season ticket for his family on the
ground that he boosted Verestchagin while
the latter got his sketch for "a Hanging in
Russia.n Half hundred offer their services
gratis as watchmen if their friends win be
passed in. An inventor offers for S. 600 tc
set up a machine at each entrance that will
take, automatically, the picture Of every one
entering the building, without regard tc
how fast they come. This is both as an ex
hibit, the author explains, and to help the
police in picking up pickpockets.
RURAL ARIA CHICKEN BARON.
Farther on in the pile was letter from g
farmer, who evidently could not appreciate
the Russian painters talent. II went thar,
he scrawls, ''gist to SEQ them paintens hearr
so much about My girl James only IA, N shs
kin paint better a blamed sight with skin
milk N huckleberry juicen But unique MSS
are not confined TO the exposition. Two days
after assuming the assistant mayorship, Act
ing Secretary Simon S. Bass had stock o
odd applications filed away for mementoes
Among these is one from thoroughbreC
| Yankee, who asks:
''Mr Mayor: What chance is there in st
Louis for an official incubator, that is, on,
that is first class Matching machine which
| could set your Endorsement for as mayor fol
about S2O0l Besides, / would give you
couple Of spring chickens every day while
run and got good business. Or, could d,
better and make 1t worth your while to max
a license or something, so l could put in a 10
and control the Matching business Of you
town. Please answer quick, because have,
lot Of eggs waiting
In another line was the letter which aske,
il a brick making machine would pay here
but the man spread the batter all over th
griddle who asked il wheelbarrows had beei
/, introduced here yet, and If not how ooupl
dozen would take after the novelty wore of
This came from Canada.
a farmer near Ironton, Mo-, begs Mayo
Noonan to refer him TO the best poet in town
as he wants, he says, about 100 lines about al
,, old fellow settler if it would cost no NOR
than nickel a line. Or, he offers the mayo
!, fifty cents to LEI. the job out not to excee.
IS, for which hewould like to send two deer
when the game law comes in. Every ma
/ | to his trade, he winds up; 81 can hunt; le
! him as can write poetry"
/; So common are these appeals that an al
! plication TO the mayor for the position as
e school teacher, etc, scarcely provokes
y smile. The answering of these communics
E tions is left 70 the janitor, who afirms the
kindle fire as well as any paper he knows O
3 st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
A Serious Case.