Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-12-06
DALZELL AS JOKER.
THE PRIVATE AND PENSION ADvO-
CATE WRITES.


He Would See Allen G. Thurman Senator
He Talks Of Harrison Roast and
Tanner Stew-Some Other
Jokes, Puns and Odd
Paragraphs.
Private Dalzell, of Caldwell, O., writes
to The DISPATCH on more subjects than
can be handled in a single issue. While
there are some paragraphs roasting the Pres
ident, there are others that 'thank GOD for
him." There is such wonderful variety in
portions Of the correspondence, in several
sections, that it must present entertaining
matter to read. For example:
1 HAVE just read the entire message; the
paragraph on pensions three times over with
delight. Three million soldiers and their fami-
lies will read it over and over, caring as little
as do for the rest of it. 1t is the strongest
plea for pensions ever made by any President,
not even exceDIing Lincoln. 1t will carry Joy
to many a Respondent home. God bless the
President, especially for incorporating in his
message substantially the recommendation
wrote in THE DESPATCH in September about
the early disposal of the claims on fle. asked
him to DO so; and he did it like man.
-
THE saddest words of tongue or pen
Are Little Ben, o Little BenI
<sH
Mckinley and Foraker. Wherefore should he
weep if they were lost in the cyclone? 1t is
not written that Sherman mourns over the de-
feats of his enemies!
TANNER, with Dudley's help, will tan Little
Ben's hide before he gets through; now you
mind that
ALGER, Tanner and Dudley have united
their strength, not exactly to support the ad
ministratiOn' Quite the contrary otherwise.
AMID ''the ringing and the jangling of the
church He dropping the lines and she seizing
them in her fair hands
What was the text. my dearY
She-The lines are fallen onto me in pleasant
places.
"Ring on, wild belll"
s.t
FAT MAN-Langh and grow fati Look at me,
ha. ha, ha!
Lean Man Confound it, you have the
adage turned the wrong way. 'Grow fat and
laugh" If / were as fat as you, like you,
would laugh, too, and, like you, do nothing
else.
IT is not strange that Congress should prefer
a blind preacher to one that could see. Nov, if
the Lord were only blind, tOo
WHY is Allen o. Myers like a certain kind
of medicine? Why he's Payne-killer to be
surel
-
DowN in the hoop-pole districts of Ohio,
among the honest Democratic yeomanry you
will often hear the question asked: "And why
not the Old Rrman?'' And echo answers
''why?" Since Pendleton died there is but one
Democrat in Ohio of great prominence, known
and read of all Democrats, and fit to take
seat as par nobilis fratrum alongside the
mighty Sherman in the United States Senate;
and that Democrat, as all concede, of
course, is Allen g. Thurman. So the older
nd lNo4fa -a1oc asofn l1,r-s
ming to say now. One hears 1t everywhere, ex-
cept in the slums and among the thugs and
blackmailers, hungry for their swag. They say
Thurman is too old (sicD." They shake their
money. We want our DOODLE" But Thurman
rhymes with Sherman, and meets all the
poetic ana historic demands of the occasion:
and he will be the choice of all the Ohio Demo-
cratic members of the Legislature, except the
little rascals, who prefer Doodle to brains Mark
the prophecy! PRIVATE DALZELL.