davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13
In a Rural Store.

| AA O AsaAoA osoAOs
Female Customer-"Got any sar
ghum molasses
Merchant-"Yes'm."
"Air they good ?"
"Yes'm-tip top"
"Ain't full o. settlin'si"
"Oh, no; cl'ar ez ile."
"Made from this years crapi"
"Yes'm-Joe Higgens made 'em tc
his mill, an Joe makes mighty good
sarghum."
"Well, let me taste EN-" She
smells, tastes and pokes her finger in
them.
"Ain't they nice p asked the mer.
chant.
Purity fair. I've seed better and
I've seed worse. How much air theyi"
Fifty cents a gallon"
"Ain't that high fur 'em 2.
High? It's dirt cheap. Sarghum's
skeerce this fall"
"Why, heard it was uncommon
plenty. It's only forty cents gal
Ion down to Eggville."
ut amt no sich sarghum ez this"
"Oh, yes, it is. Lizzy Sharp got
some an l tasted it,"
II reckon she tux hull bar'l il
she got it fur that"
"Naw-she only got gallon
They say it's coming down."
Coming down? I'm looking to
see it six bits fore MONTH"
"Pshawl You amt"
"Yes, I am"
you like to joke, don't your"
Il amt joking"
"Aw, you storekeepers make out ez
if everything was going up."
"Well, sarghum's bound to rise"
Fifty cents as cheap ez you kin
sell this 2"
well. l might say forty-6ve-
seein's it's you."
"Well, I'll take pint an half a
pound o sugar an half pound O.
coffee an FIVE cents worth O. tea an a
aig. You kin throw in stick o can.
dy for the baby with big bill like
that, can't you ?"
II dunno, mebbe so. Baby purity
well ?"
"Tolabel smart but he's teething
and they're coming hard"
81 know how that goes, my young
uns git all their teeth hard. My Jim
my like to of died with his'n. Old
man purity smart3'
"Tolabel."
Nice day, amt it?"
$50 it's"
Anything else now-ginger or
clo'es pins, or canned peaches or
crackers ?"
mo, l reckon not. Good day."
Good day. Come again"
eyes, l will"
do"
ill."--1'ime.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Mrs. Mushroom wonder why it
is Miss LOTUS never calls nowadays
Curious, too, she neglected to send us
cards for her reception. l know il
must have been an oversight, though
Mr.. Mushroom-I don't know any
thing about it, and, to tell the truth,
/ don't care.
Young Mushroom-I saw her last
week, pa. She said was wicked
boy to use q bean-blower at her. |
told her she was lean, scrawny, at
tenuated and blase old maid, cause
my papa said so. and he wouldn't tell
lie.-Drake's Magazine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Young Eddie Gould is to be made
second vice-president of the Missouri
Pacific Railroad. But then his faith
er, Jay Gould, has always shown a
disposition to raise Ned.-Boston
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13
Consuun p,ion surely Cured.

10 THE EDiToR--Please inform You
readers that have n positive remedy fol-
the above named disease. By It's timely
permanently cured shall he glad to send
your readers who have consumption u
they will send me their express and posi-
once address. Respectfully. T. A. SLO
CUM, NJ. c., lsl Pearl st., New York.
S09yl
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

An examination in the public
schools. Professor-In which Of his
battles was Gustave Adolphus killed:
Pupil CATER reffection)-I think it
was in his last battle.-New York
Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

called to large woodpecker of the
yellow hammer variety, industriously v
tapping away at my cross. I watched
him with some curiosity. He flew to
dead tree that had been left stand
ing about twenty feet from the cross,
tried that for awhile. and then few
back to the cross, seemingly rulzled
to account for things, when all OF a
sudden he started for the timber about
half mile distant.
"In the course of half an hour, I
saw some ten or twenty birds tapping
the cross for dear life. The original
woodpecker would Fly back and for.
ward from tree to cross till he had
them all at work picking away. They
did not seem to be very we'll satisfied,
but he would, as it looked to me, en-.
courage them by seemingly getting
something for his work by his actions.
At last he flew back to the tree by
himself, watching them, and I thought
l could see a gleam of fun in his eyes.
He then gave one of his woodpeckeri.
an screeches, and left for the woods
in high glee. The rest looked at each
other, and I came to the conclusion
they we're settling in their minds, if
they had any, that they were sold,
and looked mad and they all started
hot-foot for the timber.
"After dinner l had to pass the
cross on my way to the Job was do.
ing, and noticed good many feathers
lying around in the lot, all from the
yellow-hammer bird. / couldn't &C.
count for them, and went up to the
cross to examine more closely, when !
discovered the dead woodpecker lying
on the rock at the foot of the cross,
every feather picked as clean as posi-
BILE, and his head all picked to pieces.
I came to the conclusion that it was
the joker who had paid so dear for
his fun."-St. Louis Globe Democrat.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Mr.. II. B. p arker, Of Salem, Him
ois, relates a good bird story. II was
engaged in the monument and tomb
stone business" he writes, land put
up in Catholic cemetery stone imi-
tation of arustic cross, standing on a
pile of rocks. Soon my attention was
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Cleveland is the first President to
wear a mustache. Mrs. Cleveland
may not object to the hairy append
age, but she frequently sets her face
against it.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Sorrows of the cross-eyed man
Miss, may l have the honor of the
next waltz with you?
Two ladies eagerly rising)-With
pleasure.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

A young divine tells story of a
groom who, after the marriage cere-
mony, slipped 81 bill into his hand,
murmuring, apologetically, I'll do
better next me."-Harper's Maga-
zine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

A vessel at sea need not have a
clock in the cabin. but must always
have watch on deck. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Honesty is the best policy. The
reason we don't hear more about it is
probably because it has expired
Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Some people change their minds
every day yet never have decent ones
around.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

F'eatherbrain-Well, now, that just
knocks me silly.
Oldtough-It couldn't have struck
you hard enough to do anything else.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

A musical journal says that Ameri
ca needs national air. Does, eh 7
What's the matter with the blizzard ?
Boston Beacon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

He (reading)-The sailors threw up
their hats when Nelson came on board.
She-Poor fellows. They must
have been awfully sick.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13
Advertising Rates.

1an"e'' Cards one year. ons dollar per line.
IeoN notio~s, among local reading matter. tsp
~ns per lina fnr each inssrtiOn.
business aotiees ave cents per limo each ip.,rtioa.
sfths' Marriages and Dsaths frss.
ontuAIes' Resolutions. Cards Of Thanks. etc
Of sivcTtisins rate.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

"Who was the first man, Tommiei"
asked the Sunday school teacher, af-
ter explaining that our first parents
were made from the dust of the earth.
"Henry Clay, ma'am.--Yonkers
Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Dude-You have been looking at
me for the last five minutes. What
is it2
Farmer-That's just what l was
wonderipg.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

A spanking team-our parents
Hotel Mail.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Dedbroke-I say, old chap, loan
me fver; everything I've got is in
soak.
Swellbloke-Cawn't do it, my dear
boy, pawn honah.
Dedbroke-No, no; tried it, and ]
couldn't get nickle on it.-Jewelrys
Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Handsome young Canadian-Are
you in favor Of annexation, Miss Old.
maid?
Miss Oldmaid-Oh, this is so sud.
den Yes, / am yours.-New York
Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13
MICHIGAN CENTRAI
"The Niagara Falls Route"

sDaiy tDuy except Saturday. All Other
trains daily except sunday. Parlor cars on day
trans Sleeping cars on night trains
J. WHITING. rickot Agent.
o.w. RuoGLEs, G. p. & +. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Americana suppose socialism has
not spread to Mexico yet?
Mexican-We have plenty of them
always have had, but they are not
mere theorists like yours.
Do they call themselves Socialists
or Communists, or what
don't know what they call them
selves, we call them brigands.-Oma-
ha World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13
D,tsoit, Bay City 6 Alpena r. Il.

Alpena to Detroit.
Detroit, Bay City g Alpena X. K.
Mail and Ac:Uin-
Miles. Exp ess. modaIon
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Bildad-Why don't you buy type
writer, Ormsby.
Ormsby-My wife doesn't under
stand type writing, and if she did a
fellow doesn't care to have his wife
around his Office all the time.
Your wife wouldn't have to run it.
Your could hire girl for small salary.
As I said before, don't want my
wife around the Office all the time. =
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

Bankrupt Che was taking her home
after the theater and u little supper at
Delmonico's-"Darling," said he, sud
denly. as he gazed dreamily at the sill
very disk overhead, why am ] like
the m oon?"
She-"It isn't because you are full,
is it" she asked, as she edged away
from him.
NO." he said sadly; "it's because
I'm on my last quarter. Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-03-13

He (reading)-The sailors threw up
their hats when Nelson came on board.
She-Poor fellows. They must
have been awfully sick.-Ex.
F'eatherbrain-Well, now, that just
knocks me silly.
Oldtough-It couldn't have struck
you hard enough to do anything else
-Ex.
Sorrows of the cross-eyed man
Miss, may l have the honor of the
next waltz with you?
Two ladies eagerly rising)-With
pleasure.-Ex.
Dude-You have been looking at
me for the last five minutes. What
is itf
Farmer-That's just what l was
wonderiDg.-Ex.
Cleveland is the first President to
wear a mustache. Mrs. Cleveland
may not object to the hairy append
age, but she frequently sets her face
against it.-Ex.
A young divine tells story of a
groom who, after the marriage cere-
mony, slipped 50 bill into his hand,
murmuring, apologetically, I'll do
better next me."-Harper's Maga-
zine.
An examination in the public
schools. Professor-In which Of his
battles was Gustave Adolphus killed?
Pupil (after reffection)-I think it
was in his last battle.-New York
Tribune.
Young Eddie Gould is to be made
second vice-president of the Missouri
Pacific Railroad. But then his faith
er, Jay Gould, has always shown a
disposition to raise Ned.-Boston
Herald.
Handsome young Canadan-Are
you in favor Of annexation, Miss Old.
maid?
Miss Oldmaid-Oh, this is so sud.
den Yes, / am yours.-New York
Weekly.
"Who was the first man, Tommiei"
asked the Sunday school teacher, af-
ter explaining that our first parents
were made from the dust of the earth
"Henry Clay, ma'am.--Yonkers
Gazette.
Dedbroke--I say, old chap, loan
me fiver; everything I've got is in
soak.
Swellbloke-Cawn't do it, my dear
boy, pawn honah.
Dedbroke-No, no; tried it, and l
couldn't get a nickle on it.-Jewelrys
Weekly.
Americana suppose socialism has
not spread to Mexico yet?
Mexican-We have plenty of them
always have had, but they are not
mere theorists like yours.
Do they call themselves Socialists
or Communists, or what ?
| don't know what they call them
selves. we call them brigands.-Oma-
ha World.
Bankrupt Che was taking her home
after the theater and u little supper at
Delmonico's-"Darling," said he, sud-
denly, as he gazed dreamily at the sill
very disk overhead, why am / like
the m DON ?"
She-"It isn't because you are full,
is it ?" she asked, as she edged away
from him.
NO." he said sadly; "it's because
I'm on my last quarter. Puck.
Bildad-Why don't you buy type
writer, Ormsby.
Ormsby-My wife doesn't under
stand type writing, and if she did a
fellow doesn't care to have his wife
around his Office all the time.
Your wife wouldn't have to run it..
Your could hire girl for small salary.
As said before, I don't want my
wife around the Office all the time. =
Elk.
.---------------.-.-------
Mrs. Mushroom-I wonder why it
is Miss LOTUS never calls nowadays.
Curious, too, she neglected to send us
cards for her reception. l know it
must have been an oversight, though.
Mr.. Mushroom don't know any
thing about it, and, to tell the truth,
l don't care.
Young Mushroom-I saw her last
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1889-12-11
DlseUsTED REPUBLICAN SOLDIERS.
r. at ne How Sever ! Veterans Wee Eu-
oh red Out of The w maniac Post ofice.

R-'at ng How Sever Veterans Wee Eu-
CHI red Out of the w maniac Postoffice
To THE EDITOR-Sir: Some of the G. A. r.
boys of Pulaski county. Indiana, as well as in
other parts of the state, who have, up to the
present time, been ardent supporters of repub-
lcanism, have at last joined their dem Ocratic
brethren in a knowledge of the fact that the
great love- respect and tender recollections for
the Union soldier, so pathetically expressed by
the republican campagner on the eve OF each
election is only republican cap-trap. The
tactics of Congressman Owen and President
Harrison in providing for the editor of the
Winamac Republican at the expense OF Union
soldier. prior to the appointment OF a repuD-
lican postmaster for the town OF Winamac, has
clearly convinced them that the cream must
90 TO the politician, while "skim-milk" is good
enough for the soldier.
When news reached the quiet little village
of Winamac announcing the election of Presi-
dent Harrison. several old soldiers as well as
the republican editor resolved to capture the
postmastership. The ward hustlers took the
matter in hand, organized a self-cOnstituted
committee who waited Congressman
Owen and informed him what was expected.
Editor Atchison, a carpet-bagger. and
a young man of no great ability,
was chosen by this committee as the proper
person for the position and so recommended
by Mr.. Owen, but the president refused to make
the appointment informing the congressman
that too many old soldiers had already been
neglected in the Tenth congressional district.
However, he told that any compromise
which might be reached whereby Editor Atchi-
son could receive portion Of the salary from
any of the soldier candidates, the appointment
would be made in harmony with the compro-
mise. Mr.. Owen so informed the committee,
who made the proposition to each of the sol
der candidates for the position that if he would
nav AtchisOn 500 per year ont Of the salary,
that mis- appointment would be made forthwith
r N Hughes, George Douglass and Johnny
James all honest and highly respected citizens,
were the soldier candidates. but they concluded
that they would take the "entire swine" or
none. Another soldier was then approached,
who accepted the terms made by the committee,
and ne being the highest aud best bidder, at
the recomme ndation of Congressman Owen and
by order of Chief Harrison, the postoffce was
knocked of" to him. and to-day Solomon
Conn, a noble soldier, good citizen and a good
postmaster, together with the soldier boys who
were promised and expected so much at the
hands of a republican administration, are suck
ing away at the stone, while the carpet-bag edi-
tor. who does not know gunpowder from
ground pepper, is enjoying the flesh of the
plum. PULASKI.
Wioamac Nov o.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1889-12-11

the cases originating in the West and
Northwest, and by the subsequent use OF
unuual methods OF examination. Only
those who are familiar with the conditions
undel which our agricultural lands have
been settled can appreciate the serious and
often htal consequences to the settler of a
policy hat puts his title under suspicion,
or delas the issuance OF his patent.
While ere is taken 10 prevent and 10 ex-
pose fraui, it should not be imputed with
out reasos.
The manifest purpose of the homestead
and pre-enption laws was to promote the
settlementof the public domain by per-
sons having bona fide intent to make
home upon the tract o, land. Where this
intent is well established and the require
ments OF the law have been substantially
complied with, the claimant is entitled to
prompt and friendly consideration of his
case. But where there IS reason to believe
that the claimant is the mere agent of an
other who is seeking to evade law in
tended TO promote small holdings, and to
secure by fraudulent methods large tracts
OF timber and other lands, both principal
and agent should not only be thwarted in
their fraudulent purpose, but should be
made TO feel the full penalties of our crimi-
nal statutes. The law should be so adj
ministered rs not to confound these two
classes, and to visit penalties only upon
the latter
The unsettled state of the titles to large
bodies OF lands in the territories of New
Mexico and Arizona has greatly retarded
the development of those territories. Pro-
vision should be made by law for the
prompt trial aud final adjustment before
judicial tribunal or commission, OF all
claims based upon Mexican grants. 1t is
not just to an intelligent and enterprising
people that their peace should be disturbed
and their prosperity retarded by these old
contentious. / express the hope that diff
ferences of opinion rs to methods may
yield to the urgency of the case.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1889-12-11
PENSIONS FoR EvEsYnopY.
The President Heartily in Favor of the l
pendent Pension Bill.

The President Heartily in Favor of the De-
pendent Pension Bill.
The law now provides pension for ev-
cry soldier and sailor who was mustered
into the service of the United States dur
ing the civil war and is now suffering from
wounds or disease having an origin in the
service and in the line of duty. Two OF
the three necessary facts, viz, muster and
disability, are usually susceptible of easy
proof, but the third-origin in the service
lis often difficult, and in many deserving
cases impossible TO establish. That very
many of those who endured the hardships
of our most bloody and arduous cam
paigns are now disabled from diseases that
had a real but not traceable origin in the
service I do not doubt Besides these
there is another class composed of men,
many OF whom served an enlistment of
three full years, and of re-enlisted veterans
who added fourth year of service, who
escaped the casualties of battle and the as
saults OF disease, who were always ready
for any detail, who were in every battle
line OF their command and were mustered
out In sound health, and have, since the
close OF the war, while fighting with the
same indomitable courage and spirit, the
contests of civil life, been overcome by
disease or casualty.
am not unaware that the pension roll
already involves a very large annual ex-
penditure. Neither am | deferred by that
Tact from recommending that congress-
grant a pension to such honorably din
charged soldiers and sailors of the civil
war as, having rendered substantial servics
during the war, are now dependent upon
their own labor for maintenance, and by
disease or casualty are incapacitated from
earning it. Many of the men who would
be included in this form of relief are now
dependent upon pnblic aid. and it does
not, In my Judgment, consist with the
national honor that they shall continue to
subsist upon the local relief given inds-
criminately to paupers, instead of upon
the special and generous provision of the
nation they served so CALAMITY and I'M
selhshly. Our people will, l am sure,
very generally approve such legislation;
and / am equally sure that the survivors
of the Union army and navy will feel
grateful sense of relief when this worthy
and suffering class OF their comrades is
fairly cared for.
There are some manifest inequalities in
the existing law that should be remedied
To some of these the secretary of the in
terror has called attention. 1t is gratiiy-
ing to be able to state that by the adop-
ton OF new and better methods in the war
department the calls OF the pension office
for information as to the military and hos
pital records OF pension claimants are now
promptly answered and the injurious and
vexatious DELAYS that have heretofore oc-
CURED are generally avoided This will
greatly facilitate the adjustment of all
pending claims.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1889-12-11
THE NAVY.
secy. Tracy Wants Encouragement to
Private ship ards.

Secy. Tracy Wants Encouragement to
Private ship ards.
WASHINGTON Dec. 1.-The secretary of the
navy in his report follows his predecessors
with the primary recommendation of increas-
ing the navy. The increase in the navy has
been in the direction of unarmOred vessels, the
cruisers which deter commercial states from
aggressions. but do not constitute fighting
force.
The effective force of the navy composes
eleven armored vessels and thlrty-one un-
armored vessels, making total of forty-two.
This force falls far below that of any principal
European nation. I'VE collect" says the secre-
tary, Gin duties in six months at a single port
a greater sum than we could eXpend IN build
ing a new navy in six years. The construction
of war ships takes long time. 1t would be a
mechanical impossibillty for the country with
its present appliances TO furnish the number
needed within fifteen years."
The trips of the eight new cruisers have
proven satisfactory to the present ADMINISTRATION.
An immediate creation OF two fleets of battle
ships. OF which eight should be assigned to
the Pacific. and twelve to the Atlantic
aud the Gulf, is needed.
"In addition to the battle ships" he goes on,
'the situation of the country requires at least
twenty vessels for coast and hsrbor defenses.
1t is therefore recommended that the construc-
ton of eight armored vessels be authorized at
the coming session, and that they be OF the
types OF Datue-shlps rather that coast defense
ships."
The advantage of steamships as auxiliaries
is dwelt upon at some length. The United
States has only one torpedo boat in sight and
that is being constructed. Five new boats of
this type are recommended. Three new battle
ships and eight coast defense ships are under
way. The dynamite gun boat Vesuvius has been
completed, but not yet accepted. Attention is
called to the personnel of the navy, which at
the present time is composed largely of for
eigners. These men are held by their contracts
of enlistment merely. Changes in the early
training of boys at the Scholarship sug-
gested. No alien should be acceptedf for con-
tinuous service. The creation of naval reserve
is urged. 1t is recommended shat the govern
ment place WORKOUT ships at the disposal OF
the coast states for gunnery training. Private
ship-yard enterprises should be encouraged.
The present administration is handicapped by
the tumble-down condition OF navy yard prop
erty.
1t was recommended that cruisers be named
after cities, armored coast defenders after i'm
portant events or names connected with the
history of the United States and unarmored
ships after the rivers in the country.
A deficiency OF over 100000 is reported in
the bureau of equipment and also in the APP
preparation for the pay of the navy The es-
Inmates for the ensuing year IN the various
bureaus is placed at S25.599,2 $3.50. The APP
preparation for the fiscal year ending June 80,
1889, was 81, 92S, 624.5S leaving an undrawn
balance on Oct. 81 OF 81 ,027 ,34406. A consoli.
dation of the cost guard navy and the ocean
navy is recommended.