The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-09-11
Bric-a-Brac.

Chronicle.
THEY gave a condemned negro murderer
a big watermelon, down in Arkansas be-
fore working him off, and he quit the world
with mixed feelings OF pleasure and regret.
ABOUT this time of year the family wood
pile becomes so distasteful to the small boy
that he thinks seriously of shipping as a pi-
rate-preferring the sea to the saw.-Terre
Hdute Erpress
SARAH ALTHEA TERRY has expressed a
wish to be buried by the side of her late
husband. There are no objections to that
from this section. Let the interment 90
on.-Troy Times.
A DRUGGIST says that starting a fiy-paper
is queer 1t may be queer, but it is not so
blame expensive as starting a newspaper,
though man is liable to get stuck " on
both.-NorriStoWn Herald.
Mrs. SNAGGs Boy: "You haint got
nothing decent over to your house" Mrs
Jones boy: " That's so; ma said yesterday
that your folks had borrowed everything we
had in the house. - Kearney Enterprise
"Is there anything I can do for your"
asked Mrs. Cumso, tenderly, when her hus-
band was suffering from sea-sickness.
What do you want?'' " want the earth"
gasped Cumso, as he again leaned over the
rail.
A RARE ENTERTAINMENT.-Gu "What
did you think of our amateur theatrcals,
Miss Mamie? Rather a rare entertainment
was it not?" Miss Mamie Waller
yes; it wasn't very well done, to be sure
Hdrper's Bdzdr.
WHEN society has once learned that it is
cheaper to keep children in the right way
than to hang and imprison them after they
have grown up and gone wrong, honest men
may lie easier in their beds o'nights.-
BROOKLYN Times.
THE post-ofiice department contemplates
bringing out a larger postal card. The pres
ent style is large enough to contain young
lady's letter, but unless the new one is four
times as large it won't hold the postscript
Norrjsto1Cn Herald.
A BEDRDDEN patient in Kansas hospi-
tai. who was experimental on with the
elixir of life, was able to leave his bed the
next day. He had to, in fact, in order to
! fill place prepared for him in the ceme-
tery.-Terds SWtngs.
WIFE: "You missed the baby greatly
while we were away, didn't you?" Hus-
band: " Yes; couldn't sleep at all for while
| till put a sawhorse and wheelbarrow in
the bed and hired a man to play accord
! len in the room nights"
CoLoRED ATTENDANT: " Hi! dar, mistah,
whaf-for you smashin' all de gemmen's
hats?" Young Oats very unsteady: "Im
(hic) lookin' fer my (hic) hat It's crush hat.
When find (hic) one that crush right tha's
my hat."-Terds SQtingS.
WHERE it would do most good -" Gen
tlemen," said the candidate for office, as he
squirted stream of tobacco juice on the
! pavement below, my character is spot
less. Then it is pity, said some one
in the crowd that you can't wear it for
shirt" Ciothier and FUrpisher.
SMALL BOY: " Pap say he wan 70 ter
put m new sole on dis yer shoe er mine, n
a new upper leather n" Repairer of
shoes: "Tink datll be bout de same's
maxim new shoe" Small boy mo,
sab; pap say de shoestrings on dis yer one
! oil r,rr1,t -, I'll
A NEW TRAIN has been built for the car
| of Russia. The cars have covering of iron
on the outside and inside is a lining of cork
eight inches thick. Under such circum-
stances the imperial gentleman ought to be
reasonably safe from the bullets of his loyal
and loving subjects.-Ne,o York Herald.
PROFESSOR" said the ostentatious young
man at a reception, I've heard much talk
about the anthropoid apes approaching very
closely to human beings Now, what in
your opinion is nearest to a man?' You
want my candid opinion, of course?" Ger
tainly." Well, | should say his under
shirt. - washington capital.
THE amount of money bet on the horse
races at Charter Oak park last week was
! about $50 O0O or three times as much as is
needed to secure for Hartford for all time
the incalculable benefits of free library,
free reading rooms, free art gallery and
other kindred opportunities for enjoyment
and Improvement druord Courdnt
AN exchange expresses the hope that
| under the new regime affairs in Hayti will
| be conducted in a stable manner. A stable
manner, we presume, is where there is a
good deal of kicking, No doubt our es-
teemed contemporaries desire will be graft
fed. What, whoa, without there let horse
tilities commence at once.-BoSton Tran
script
SIR EDWARD WArKIN has been told by
/ ,gt l,a arpb vii, hall oil
to build his tall tower, that it is doubtful if
a tower two thousand feet high can be con-
sructed. Everything depends on the eX-
act ratio at which the force of the wind
increases above a certain hight The trans
portation of the materials above hight of
a thousand feet would be exceedingly risky.
81 HAVE completed collegiate education
and desire to devote myself to journalism"
remarked the pale, intellectual young man,
as he stepped into the editorial presence
without a uemor Have you an opening
of which might take advantage Ger
tainly, certainly" quoth the busy editor.
" The opening is right behind you, where
you came in. Please shut the door as you
go out."-.JUdge.
DEWITT TALMAGE writes on the subject
of How Bigots are Treated in Heaven
Huh; how the mischief did they get there;
that's the question. Suppose now, Pastor
Talmage tells us how thieves and liars are
treated in heaven. At this rate a man who
is thinking of going to heaven had better
start pretty soon, or he won't get there be-
fore a harp trust is organized, if the bigots
are getting in BHrdette.
A YOUNG Dakotan, climbing the stairs to
an elevated railroad station, accidentally
trod on the heel of "A Harlem swell. "'Cuse
me-" said the Westerner in a cowboy voice.
" Nav, sir. You are insolent | will we
port you to an hoflicer." 4" wer a-goin
ter say" said the Dakotan, "'cuse me fer
not er steppin on yer neck, and he slapped
down a nickel and boarded downtown
train.-NeW York Herald
A GENTLEMAN who went into the country
to visit his family, at the conclusion of one
of the rainiest weeks of the season was
amused by the following question from his
wife; Peter, did you water the plants in
the back yard every day, as ] told you?"
yes" was the quick reply, a." put on my
macintosh aud rubber boots, held an UNI
brella over my head and sprinkled the
flowers faithfully each morning and even
ing. boston Budget.
PRESIDENT HARRISON and Secretary
Blaine, says a writer in the Washington
Past ara strilyinglU alilga i'm bp matter of