Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-01-05
Written for the EVENING STAR.
ETIQUETTE AND MANNERS.
What to Do and What Not to Do in
Polite Society.

4
MRS. sFERwoop's CORRESPONDENCE COLUMN
INFORMATION ABOUT LEAvINo PERSONAL CARDS
-MEANINe OF THE LITTLE WHITE MESSENGERS
| INVITATIONS TO pINNER-IN THE BALL ROOM.
The prevailing tenor Of our questions this
week is that of card leaving. and as 80 many
questions cannot be individually answered in
the weekly space which we have at our COM
mand, we will write our answers generally to
the one end of answering every one.
One gentleman asks: IF seven or eight
ladies are staying in one house, say, Mrs.
Taylor and two daughters Mrs. Brown and
three daughters, Mrs. Brown and three
daughters, and the Misses Sinclair, suppose
wish to call on them all, shall leave seven or
eight cards, or shall simply call on the
hostess?''
Simply call on the hostess and ask for the
others, we should say. or possibly on the two
married ladies, inquiring for the others. There
everything else, and gentleman must decide
| these questions for himself, nor leave cards In
| packs. card is ones self, and must be treat
ed as such. 1t is the beginning and the end OF
etiquette, the alpha and omega OF social inter,
course. The card is the first introduction and
the final leave taking. These little pieces of
white pasteboard, if imperishable, will, in their
amount, their manv Inscriptions, puzzle the
New Zealander who disinters New York, after
1000 years, as the Schliemanns of to-day are
digging up old Troy. "What are they?" they
will ask. "Do they represent the money of
that buried people2"
Indeed, the card business, being the social
exchange Of society, multiplies itself SO indef-
should be a clearing house for cards. where Mr..
Brown and Mr.. Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Jones
| should leave their cards for each other on the
LIST of January, and the interchange afterward
be managed by clerks. The idea is a good one,
but, unfortunately. impracticable, as the SEN
timent Of personal friendship and attention
still hinges around the card.
STYLE OF CARD.
"John Thomas" writes: "What is the most
fashionable style of card?"
Decidedly plain cardboard, not glazed, and
the name should be engraved in script. Some
few people still cling to old Roman letters, some
to old English, and now and then we see DASH
ing fac simile of the handwriting. These are
not in the highest fashion, which reduces all
card should be larger than that of a gentle
man. The card of a gentleman in England has
almost invariably the address in the left-hand
corner.
Mrs. Brownlow" asks: "In leaving cards
does the lady of the house leave her own her
husbands separately, and those of all her sons
and daughters, or can she have it all put on
one card, as Mr.. and Mrs. Brownlow, the Misses
Brownlow, the Messrs. Brownlow?"
She can, il she wishes, have ''Mr and Mrs.
but her grown-up sons should each have their
separate cards.
In giving an entertainment a lady incloses
her husbands card to all who are unknown to
him and are asked for the first time. 1t is
equivalent to a call on his part.
DIFFICULT QUESTION.
Miss "Cornelia Wright asks difficult ques-
ton: 81 have received an invitation to a lady's
ball, which do not wish to attend consider
it an act of presumption for her to ask me, vet
I do not wish to be unladylike. What shall 1
doY'
First invitations should always be responded
to courteously cards left, and a proper recog-
| milton be made of the civility, even If we do
not wish to keep up the acquaintance. Let it
be manifested carefully to the lady who has in
vited you that you are obliged and compli-
mented by her kindness, even if you cannot
| avail yourself Of it. 1t will be quite easy for
you not to know her. You can stay at home
from the ball, but you would never forgive
yourself if you are lady, if you had hurt the
of kindness. A little civility costs nothing and
| 1t goes great wa. Remember Lord HOugh-
toms lines:
helping hand to the weak,
a friendly arm to the friendless,
Kind words so short to speak,
But whose echo is endless.
The lady who gives the ball may be in need
| Of kind words and kind friends.
Another difficult question from H. p l.: Il
| have lived in New York all my life. 1 know a
| certain lady in fashionable set very well at
charity, but not socially. Now, who should call
| first? There is no reason why she should not
call on me, we are both in about the same posi-
| ton in society,""
We can only say that the younger should call
| on the elder, and the sending of card hurts
no ones self respect, and if it is not returned
no one is killed. The native delicacy of a real
| lady will prevent her intruding upon social
queen whose position is known to be fashion,
| able and whose visiting lis. is generally full.
Hence. people who arc on the same social
plane need not fear to call first. 1t is generally
| regarded as a compliment. The person who
has self respect will have an inner monitor who
| will tell her.
sc. C. c. has another grievance, and here is
another difficult question. She says: Il have
| been in Washington seven years, young mar
| ried woman, receiving great deal of atten-
ton. Mrs. B., prominent social leader here,
| invites me every year to three teas. I always
60, leave my card and my husbands but she
never comes to mine, nor has she ever called
personally. Now, do not like to be treated
| in that way. am confident she hands her list
to her secretary, and that am merely copied
down and card sent, and that she takes no
personal interest in me-"
| All, c. c. c., you are in the wrong. Mrs. B.
has probably so large circle that she would
go to protest at once if she had to call on every
| one. She comes in from her afternoon drive,
reads the cards on her table. and signs that
she cannot do more than, by giving some re-
| ceptiOns next winter, restore her credit That
she writes you at all ought to satisfy you.
| Would You like to be left out? Remember that
the little white messenger engraved with her
name is herself.
| Then, again. we cannot say to our friends
that we would prefer that they should treat us
| differently, that they should come to see us
and.invite us to other things. We must allow
them to decide that question.
| WHEN TO RETURN CARDS.
| "Cicero' asks: How soon should card be
returned?'
| In Europe calls are returned within twenty
four hours. There are no exceptions to this
| rule. Sometimes a foreigner is startled and
| wounded II his card is not returned immediately
| But Americans are satisfied if they return a
| card in a week. 1t is never too soon to return q
| card. Cards should be left in person on hearing
of illness in the family, or a death, or any Of
| those troubles with which society can sympa-
thize. Good breeding being the foundation of
! etiquette, and a card being its exponent this
| attention can never wound. The kindness of
| heart, which is the foundation. of good man.
ners, will suggest to every person OF sense how
| much more they can do to assuage the trouble
| to which all the children of men are born as to
4 an inheritance.
Marianne" writes: 81 am to be married in
| three weeks, and my cards are out. Can
make any visits or 60 to the opera during that
three weeks?'
. ~