The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1889-01-23
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Modern Grease-Lard.
Usually dark as pitch Tar.
A play-thing-The piano
Human Society bores.
May Jorty is very popular girl.
Stationary pressure-P Paper weight.
A gum drop-Decline of the rubber
market.
Hump themselvs over the desert
Camels.
1t is the pianist who always plays at
his wtrk. :,
An icicle is the veriest eavcsdroppcr
you know.
What to do when you catch a cold
Let go of it.
Payements ana carpets are things that
must be put down.
One of the finest naturally causes many
citi; ems to be fined.
A womans will is one that even the
lawyers can't break.
1t is noticeable that every time the
coal dealers coae:ce there is less coal on
the market
When the political caldron boiIs, the
scum quite naturally rises to the top
Bjst0n Gazette.
Pulling carpet tacks is lowly work,
yet it may be done with eclat. Biqg.
ha0'ten HePaJ'ican.
The sweetest of sweet girls who will
wait for you is worth her wait in gold
Ne,0 orleans Iicayuae.
The decline of American humor is
most forcibly illustrated by the editors
waste baskets. --Hrcha It TracCier.
The girl who seeks to marry for the
sake of bank account is quite likely to
be check,mated.-Aeych NJ Traceier. -
Never Judge by appearances. A
counterfeit 50 gold piece isn't worth as
much as punched nickel.-NeO York.
SuH.
d" ack, please don't! You muss my
hair!' But Jack kept right on, on the
ground that if he mussed he must
Mercury.
"Neyer allow yourself to get out of
anything" says writer in a household
journal. How about debt!--B,i, ii@S.o"
Free Iyess.
1t is one of the reculiariies of things
in general that the freshest men gener.
ally tell the stalest stories --Baagor
Commercial.
Cole-"iIcllo, Pm in hurry! was
Just going TO dinner Mole 81 won't
detain you, then, will go with you."-
Detroit Free Pres.
Teacher" willie, what is the capital
of CanadaM Wilie-"The money taken
there by United States lnanciers and
bood ers. "-Ly;.
"Thirteen is a mighty unlu2ky num-
ber," tho ght the prisoner, gazing at
the Judge and Jury as he heard the ver-
dict-"uuilty."-LVe.
His face was cleanly shaven
hat was patent at glance.
But the wind did gaily whistle
Through the fringe upon his pants.
-DuHSrule Breeze.
Rice is cheap IN this country and in
China, but in France we suppose it is
expensive because the latest notes from
/ aTis say that rice IS riz.-N0 Yo,k
Sun.
sho-''You are always in the soup
Henry. He--"No, I'm not, either"
: he "Wel, how can they spell soup,
Henry, without u"-BuriWgtoH Free
Press.
When n young miss owns Daisy for
name she wishes at sixteen TO be called
Miss Smith. If she is unmarried at
thirty she prefers to be called Daisy
CdrtooH.
a man in Nebraska Is in Jail for steal
ing quantity of sausages. The evil
dence against him is SAID to be con-
elusive. Not link is wanting. - Chicago
Iriiihe.
The White Pasha comes smilingly for
ward again with a great battle aud
good many slaughtered dervishes, but
he neglects, as usual, TO send in his name.
PIT sjU q Chronicle.
some Of you boys has been stealing
.aisins again ! hale found the seeds on
he door. Which one 81 you was it!''
wasn't me. / swallowed
he seeds in mine. "-SUtiHgs.
"What was the matter with you at
Inner Brownie: You didn't say
right thing from oysters TO coffee"
.'Ao, " replied the humorisI sadly. ~
never talk shop when I'm invited out. -
Hayp0's Bc0r.
Young Wife (at a party)-"You are
approving wonderfully as a dancer
Don't you remember how you used to
ear my dIesses." Young Husband
Yes; l wasn't buying 'em then. ~
'I jktas lph,H record.
p S. Gilmore, the band master gives
his terse autobiography 81 first saw
he light in the bOgs OF Connemara, but
was born in Boston in the nineteenth
iear OF my age, which is q very good