Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-10-02
PECULIAR EPITAPHS.
Curious Head-Stones In the Catholic
Cemetery at Plttsfield, Mass.

Ii Is we'll worth trip to this town
to spend half day in its Catholic
cemetery. Here may be seen, perhaps,
the largest collection OF head-stones in
the country. They are the life-work
of rosy faced, unctuous little Irish
man, who was not only versed in the
'three Rs" but was also gifted with
vein of doggerel and a genius for
carving that, had both been cultured,
might have made him sculptor-poet.
A generation ago people in search of
lapidary solace were attracted to his
shop by the sign:
Sculptured marble here you find,
To suit the fancy Of the most refined.
Very probably the sympathetic pro-
prietor after questioning the mourner
on the circumstances attending the
death of the deceased, promised not
only to write but also to illustrate a
fitting epitaph. What must have been
the delight and surprise Of one set OF
bereaved ones, as they beheld the i'm
age of the dear departed, dressed in a
claw-hammer coat. with buttons as
large as his head, and even the seams
down the back, holding pole so that
the line fell from it at an angle of ten
degrees, and uttering the following
pathetic words:
died fishing, as this picture shows,
And left this world, with all its woes,
To another region took my fight,
In CO. with angels adoring Christ.
he Of nj !,
in causing n woman who died while
drunk to be buried In unconsecrated
ground, inspired the following indig-
nant words:
" hope right with God, tho rong with man,
Left in lone corner here / am;
leave all to God, to Him alone pray
That among His lambs I'll be that day.
Here is II sweeter strain:
Erected by her father Mccarthy,
The pride and the poesy OF old Gortnomonough,
She lett me her father and mother to moan
Forever the loss Of our daughter ochone.
These lines have certainly one ele-
ment of sublimity, namely, obscurity:
Hosanna Loro to the eternal praise,
That father and mother be happy both this
ways
Mullanney puts the following dis
putatious words into the mouth OF
famous Dorman, of Otlce:"
Altho Yankee, have not full right
In my own way to seek my God through Christi
Led not by faction, an eternal home
found in shelter OF the Church Of Rome
In the lines below he records most
extraordinary case:
Here lies two sisters, both virtuous, fair and
young,
Who died, generally regretted, in childbirth Of
They together crossed the ocean,
With mutual love upon the way,
] hope the twain are happy;
Good Christians, for them pray.
What delicate tribute the poet, In
these lines, imagines a husband paying
to his wife
Here lies Mag, no brag. both fair and young,
And also Ann, our dear and only child;
II God considered our love and unity
Some hundred years ho'd leave them yet TO me.
And how touching is this epitaph:
She ordered to be buried next to Mrs. Mackey.
But the verbal displays on these
stones can not "hold a candle" to the
designs upon them. Under famous"
Dorman's inscription horrible Carl
cature of q Bishop, long-waisted, short
legged and coarse-featured, is baptiz-
ing kneeling man, who. were he to
rise, would bear the same proportion
to the divine that the ordinary-sized
man bears to q dwarf. The converts
hat, lying on the ground, must have
fitted over his shoulders. In another
place man. perhaps the deceased. is
present in nineteenth century clothes
among the toga-attired apostles, at
the crucifixion. The angels on all
these stones are-we can not say
personifications of awkwardness-bu
they are the spirits of it; and
all the wall-eyed little girls that ac-
company their weeping elders to con-
ventional monument wear pantalets.
On one stone may be seen this simple
design, angels, cross, harp OF Erin
and lamb. Every lamb on these old
stones has body the size Of pigs
and head about the size of a cats.
But the masterpiece-the work in
which the sculptor reached the apex
of his genius, is Tho Last Supper "
This beggars description. l hope it is
not wrong TO say that the apostles look
like gnomes, and that there are feet
enough for only nine Of them.-Pitts-
field (Mass.) Cor. Boston Herald.