The Washington critic., 1889-04-26
MATTER WORTH READING.

twas whole-souled gentleman, and no one
enjoyed Joke better than he. One instance
of this was impressed upon my memory.
Some years ago, you will remember, King
Kalakaua Of the Sandwich Islands made
tour OF this country. He came down from
Omaha to Kansas City, and at 81. Joseph
the party was joined by Congressman
Burnes, for whom the foreign monarch at
once conceived q strong admiration, both
on account of his size and jovial qualities.
AT Kansas City King Kalokaua was booked
for a speech, and very hrief but excellent
one had been prepared. An unforeseen
obstacle to compliance with this programme
arose, however. AS every one knows, tie
dark-skinned potentate is addicted to the
variety of cup that cheers and also inebr-
ates, and the result on this occasion was
that when the time arrived to prepare for
the Kansas City speech his bighness was
otlivious TO all mundane affairs, and lay In
his berth as drunk as the proyerbial speci-
men Of nobility.
"What was to be doneP It wouldn't do
no, 10 make the speech, and the royal party
were at their wits end. But at this
| juncture Congressman Burnes came TO the
| rescue.
"'Leaye II to me- said he, 'and I'll fix IL.
| Only do just as / tell YOU
"There was no time to be lost, so by Col.
| Burnes instructions Kalakaua was quickly
dvested of his royal costume, which was
promptly donned by the big Missouri Rep
resentative. Colonel Burnes is of dark
complexion--quite so--and he didn't make
| half-bad Sandwich Islander when he stood
airayed in all the regal paraphernalia. Just
as the toilet was completed the train rolled
into the Union depot at Kansas City. 1t
was quite dark, but there was an immense
crowd of people who had assembled to see
the island monarch. When Colonel Burnes
stepped with stately tread on the rear
platform of the Pullman the crowd outside
cheered Justify. The Colonel cast fierce
look at the multitude and then commenced
to utter the most remarkable string of
jargon l ever heard. Laugh9 We all
laughed until we were almost dead, but
Colonel Burnes remained as solemn as an
owl. This speech took immensely, and
when with q digniied wave of the hand the
Colonel ceased, his audience cheered him
to the echo and gazed with admiration at
the manly proportions of the supposed
king.
sln majestic silence Colonel Burnes stood
until moment or two later the train pulled
out, and suppose there are people here to
this day who believe they heard King Kala-
kama talk In his own language. pll never
forget" continued the gentleman, "Colonel
Burnes' appearance on that occasion, and l
can see him now, when, after re-entering
the car and sitting in solemn silence for q
moment, he turned to his laughing friends
and said: Boys, don't you think after that
I'm entitled TO drink p NJ Kansas City
journal.
A Cheeky Fellow.
witnessed comedy enacted in front Of
theatre few evenings ago which, for a
display of genuine cheek, is worthy to be
placed on record. A gentleman came out
after the first act aud started to go up
street, when handsomely-dressed young
fellow accosted him.
~ beg your pardon, sir" he said, "3ut
have lost my door check, and II you are not
going to return would you permit me to
use yoursp"
The gentleman was going to return, and
so Informed the individual, who thanked
him Just as fervently as II he had received
the check. The next gentleman that came
along was similarly accosted, and lie gave
the fellow his check.
"Have you a seat coupon alsoP" askci
the Individual.
This was almost too much.
'Yes, and here's n cigarette to smoke be
tween the acts.'
The coupons and cigarette were handed
over and followed the fellow inside to oh
serve how he succeeded. He passed tn,
door and the usher seated him. coult
not resist the temptation of informing tn,
manager of the event
"That beats anything ever heard Of" b.
said. ''If you know where the fellow 1
sitting I'll send him that bouquet" point
ing to bunch of flowers resting on hi
! desk.
The fellow was located and an usher car
ried down the flowers. The man was no
the slightest bit put out. He looked at th
flowers, then at the usher Deliberately
taking a white rose from the bunch h
placed 1t in the buttonhole Of his coat, an,
requested the usher to return the flowers
as he was not fond of them.
There is an old saying to the effect tina
a cheeky man generally succeeds. II thi
rule holds, that fellow should some day fl
the Executive chair at Washington
brooklyn Citizen.
Not % Desert.
Australian travellers state that the interio
of Australia is by no means the desert
4 has long been supposed to be. Though noN
unpopulated, 1t is pronounced capable G
supporting large population. Gold ha
!. been found there and the travellers brough
home stories of vast pasture lands, abunt
ant water, and finally Of deep blue lakes, q
least one of which is of large and as yet III
> known extent. great railroad is to el
tend across the continent from north
|, south, through the eastern part of the coul
. try once supposed to be desert 1t is prt
= dicted that the ''desert" Will disappear,
that in America has gone.
, The Real Shetland Pony.
:, The real Shetland pony is only thirty,
at the most forty, inches high Those cor
T. monty seen in this country are from Il
a north of Ireland, being bred with the hors
d there, and are larger than the real She
q land, for the genuine pony is difficult
d rear. The country of which he is nativ
a is bare, and the farmer is sharp, and whC
a the little creatures survive the rlgors of Il
l. climate and the effects Of haviny but lit
d TO eat, the farmer values him so highly
,e only sells him at high price II costs
1t great deal TO ship them, and they die on Il
IS voyage, all Of which goes to account
is there being so few OF them among us.
- uannv unla IFlaharty