The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1889-11-13
WIT AND HUMOR.
The prison garb is designed to put a

4 ceChf
Many who teach the young idea how
to shoot apparently don't know that it's
1oaded.-Puck.
1t is very difficult to find key to
success that will work without clique.
baltimore A1neriean.
Soup la Jay Gould-Take little
stock, six times as much water and then
put in the lamb.-Ltte.
A man discovers that gas isn't equal
to coal when he tries it on coal dealer
to secure credit.-1eras Siftiugs.
De Brusshe- Eyes, I'm fairly in love
with my work" Sinnick-''L Lucky
lover! You'll never have a rival. y
Judge.
Woman is lovely creature. and she
knows it, too; but she is always willing
to be told of it once more-S Sonae1'Uilte
Journal.
Jimmy Pryor-t'P Papa, what is 'un-
American'pn Mr.. Pryor. Anything
the foreigners in this country don't
like. .n-Patck.:
1t takes us half our lives to learn
that mankind are fools; and the other
"a
them.-Puck.
When girl falls in love she stops
saying her prayers, but after she is
married she begins them again
4Atchison Globe.
Hooker Crook (to chum) $50 you've
been getting married during my alb
sence-who was best man?" Hen Peck
(sorrowfully) . Maria, Time.
Wife, Cat midnight)-.It is shame
for You to keep me up in this way
Hubby-"Pshaw, my dear! You didn't
mind it before we were married. -
Life.
A medical journal tells "what to do
when stung by hornet" No matter
what he may do, what he says wouldn't
sound well in print. No'ristoaon
Herald.
Smartte 'Hullo, Sharpe! How's
christian science gittin' along?"
Sharppe-''O, I've give up christian
science an gone back to plain bunko. y
Puck.
Jones. s.What, Smith rich man,
you say? Why, he didn't have q dollar
a year ago. Brown.I know that, Jones:
but he's failed three times since. y
Philadelpia Inquirer.
Mrs. Fangle (reading the paper)-
''Sara Bernhardt says her household
expenses at Paris average $500 day."
Mrs. Cumso-'sshe must keep three
hired girls. .'-N Y San.
Young Minister-Isn't there some ad-
vice you can give?" The Rev. Mr. Will
pecially avoid praying for rain on q
Smith-''The City of Paris, I hear,
consumes more coal than any other
ship" Jones-''That's mistake. :"
Smith -"What ship beats it, thenP"
Jones-"Courtship." Muasey's Weekly.
Mrs. Closehall- -.'Do you know that
I've induced Mr.. Closehall to give up
cigarsP" Dovetail-''Re 'ReallyP Why,
I've known him for ten years and I
never saw him give up one yeti
Judge.
Mrs. Pancake (to tramp)-s'Well,
what do you wantp" Tramp-'.Here
mum, is der pie l stold off yer window
yesterday. There may be two OF three
teeth stickin' in it, but otherwise faint
hurt anyr'-Lye.
Prospective ather-in-Law-"H
do you expect to get along without a
Yong Smiley Basker- -"That is not the
point-how am i to get along if don't
get marriedP P"-1inle.
Chief Have you got any clews?"
Subordinate-'No;b but I've caught the
criminal. Chief-'Wen, you must go
out and get few clews. 1t will never
do to break established rules, you
know. "-Terre Haute Express.
Yabsley-''I 1t would be great snap
if fellow could make himself invisible,
like they used to do in fairy stories"
Wickwire-s.Well, you can come pretty
near it by marrying some famous
woman. "-Terre Haute Eapress.
Book Agent-"Going from books to
babies, madam, that's fine youngster.
Allow me to congratulate you. Young
Woman-''Sir, that baby is not mines"
Book Agent-'1 repeat madam, allow
me to congratulate you. ''-Judge.
Old Philosopher-''Eh? Engaged
yourself to Miss Pretty? Why, She
wastes half her time over that horrid
little pug dog of hers" Young Phil
osopher-"Yes, but l notice the dog
does just as he pleases. IN. Y. Weekly.
'1t's always relief to me when it
comes time TO pay Bridget" said Mrs.
Housekeep. "WhyP" inquired her
husband. Because that is the only
time when I feel positive that she
doesn't employ me" = Washington
Capital.
Mr.. Brown (to stranger who has
saved him from drowning)-. dear
good friend, I'll never forget you as
long as | live! Come up to my store
and get some nice, clean dry clothes; Ell
let you have them as cheap as any body
Epoch.
Chicago Boy Pop, what are them
big thingsP" Pop 'Mowiag machines.
They are to cut grass With ''Oi
Whose are theyPn Il don't know
Guess they are to be taken to St. Louis
to get the streets ready for winter"
N. Y Weekly.
First Anarchist-"T time is nearly
ripe for another uprising, l think. Arf
you ready to- go through fire for u. &c
good of the. causePn Second Anarcf isl
Go, through fire? Why I'll even
go through water if ii is necessary. ~
Ierre Hdute Express.
Cumso-"Is it true that Gazley,s
wife has elopedp' Fangle-~Yes: It's
true" docs Gazley know about itpn
Mot yet, we haven't decided who shall
break the news to him." sLet Bripgs
do it; he's the very man; he shutters.
you know. IN Y San.
Mr. Olddancc-sI want an engage
nent ring of appropriate design"
.Jeweler What do you think OF two
hearts in rubiesPn Mr.. Olddunce-
.'Twon't do. There's only one heart
in this transaction. The girl is marry
ing for ey."-Jea0elersf Weekly.
1t is said that there are at least 3 OO0
actors in New York who are unable to
get situations. That 1900 actors are
put of situations is mot so remarkable
IS the fact that about double that num-
Der of men. who are not actors have
situations in that sort of busi-
ness. .-NorT6stoa0n Herald.
A citizen of Chicago who reioices in
die name of Nelson A. Schimisiehile-
Hitz was drowned in hole in the ic,.
N the River Neya in RuSSia ,oaa..,