Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-10-23

was he upon becoming an expert operator.
Ridiculous as it may seem the story was
| swallowed by Wholesale and hundreds Of the
good people Of Grand Rapids gazed
isrs".y land the rs s'A' idea -A that p.sas
gonia has no governments never seemed to
| enter anybody's mind. and when the gaping
| multitude departed it was only to return with
one or two friends or relatives. Some were
sorry for the poor man who spoke language
that only his absent secretary could understand.
| but others laughed and one pretty girl re-
marked: "Ain't it nice? You can abuse him all
you want to and he won't know any better. I"
One motherly old lady surveyed the alleged
then said: I'll bet he's q smart man down in
| his own country" The features of the Pata-
gonian we're very hard to control about that
time, but he stiffened his lip and hardened his
check and looked the old lady straight in the
| eye with such q blank countenance that she
| felt moved to say that it was very evident that
he couldn't understand a word of English.
For an hour the circus continued, although
several Of the train hands came near to giving
the joke away unconsciously The bows have
| not got through laughing at the affair yet and
in their souls they are delighted, because they
we're for once just little too many for the
foreign-worshipers.
THE TYPEWRITER.
By the way, the typewriter on the train is
something Of q novelty and it has attracted Q
good deal Of attention. Everywhere it is
pointed out as one of the evidences Of the COM
pleteness OF the train equipment and hundreds
OF the fair descendants OF the beautiful lady
who wore costume Of fig leaves in the fall
have begged for the privilege Of trying to write
their names with its aid. The gentlemen from
South America are frequent visitors to that
section OF the car Washington which is sacred
to The EVENING STAR and its mechanical as
sistant and they receive such instruction AZ can
be impaired with the utmost gratitude. When
we are moving at high rate Of speed it is almost
impossible for even an expert penman to make
such copy" as will be acceptable to either the
telegraph operator or the compostor, but with
the machine the most grievous error that can
be made Is the striking Of wrong key, caused
by the swinging motion of the car.
HIS TEXAS LINGO DID NOT GO.
Hard workers and anxious to please are the
committeeman who receive the party at the
various stopping places and who drive around
with them to show them the local elephants
and tigers, but once in while some carriage
load suffers not little from a committeeman
who imagines he is a linguist. One Of this kind
was placed in charge of three South Americans
the other day because among his neighbors he
had a reputation rs a Spaniard. Years ago the
old gentleman had spent three months on the
Texas border line and among other things
which he had inadvertently picked up were a
few words Of hybrid lingo which bears as
much resemblance to the elegant Castilian
tongue as a mouth organ does to a grand piano.
Before the horses were of the old gentleman
had started to jabber, and, although he was
assured that his companions would prefer to
converse in English, he insisted in wrestling
with his Dog Spanish. Finally the foreigners
made up their minds to reply to him only in
English, which made the committeeman imag
inc that possibly there was something the
matter with his Spanish. He was prepared for
just such an emergency, and after carefully ad-
n 1a n ia
his pocket a Spanish-Engllsh dictionary, from
whose depths he drew such quantity Of mis-
pronounced inspiration that the visitors were
positively unable to stand it. At the first avail
able opportunity they got away from him and
scattered themselves around in other carriages.
May this simple truth save the members OF the
party from such sufferings in the future and
some otherwise clever committeeman be spared
the unnecessary exertion consequent upon his
making an ass Of himself.
AT CHURCH TIME.
The carefully constructed itinerary by which
the movements of the tourists are supposed to
be controlled had for this date only one num-
Der on its program and that was Church at 10
am" violate no confidence when / state
that at 10 a. m. neither the gifted author Of the
guide book nor any of the lambs of his flock
had left their respective bedrooms in the Grand
Pacific hstel; not that they loved church less
but sleep more. Half an hour later and Capt.
X,
Both were absent all day and both we're late at
dinner this evening; then for the first time was
developed the fact that the captain had been
to church three times during the day to atone
for his sinfulness in drinking nothing but
water at the Studebaker lunch yesterday.
Lieut.. McCrea confessed that he had not beer
at church, but pleaded in extenuation that he
had been looking all day long for suitable
place in which to worship, but found none.
The lieutenant was reminded that he was mar
| ried i'll church in this city and to the truth of
| that statement he assented, but he urged that
| the growth of Chicago had been so marvellous
| and Its appearance SO changed in the past few
years that he had lost his bearings and had
drlfted around for several hours in a vain at
tempt to make the sacred port.
The great majority of the party arose about
noon and most of them proceeded at once to
breakfast. The afternoon was spent by the
tourists at the Armour mission. This mission
was opened three years ago through the in
strumentalIty of the late Joseph Armour who
left a bequest of 100000 for that purpose
deceased, has donated $500. 900 to the endow-
ment fund. An industrial school has been
added to the original design and in a little
while will be i'll full operation. 10 describe
the workings of this mission would take up
more space than could well be given it in a
single letter; suffice it to say that it is the most
liberal and practical institution of its kind in
the world. The members of the party were
pretty widely scattered in private homes
churches and clubs, during the evening, but
| at an early hour the majority of them returned
| to the hotel and went to bed in order that the
| morning might find them physically able to
Withstand the wear and tear OF the lengthy
program which has been prepared for them.
G.H.H.