Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-01-19


Written for The EVENING STAR.
ETIQUETTE AND MANNERS.
What to DO and What Not to Do in
Polite Society.
MRS. sHERwooD's CORRESPONDENCE COLUMN
EVENING DRESS FOR YOUNG LADIES, WIDOWS.
AND wEDDINos-THE PROPER THING AT DIN
NER PANTHEON TO GET INTO SOCIETY.
The following are the questions and answers
that have been selected for publication this
week as being Of the most general interest:
''Florence Faille'' writes: ~ would like to be
informed il upon receiving cards. one which
says, Mrs. John Smith, at home December 26
from to a. another inclosed saying, Mrs
John Smith, Tuesdays in January if it is nee
essary after attending reception to also call
upon one Of the Tuesdays in January Also in
sending cards to a mother and daughter must
there be card addressed to each one sepa-
rately, or can it be Mrs. Smith and family or
Mrs. Smith and daughters?"
/. Address your card MRS. Smith, the Misses
Smith," and send on her day. 1t is not incum-
bent on you to call on Tuesdays after the re-
ception; they are merely added on to the invi-
tation to give those an opportunity of calling
who could not get to the reception
violet asks III It is proper to use tea
gown in the evening"" No; it is not In Eng
land ladies sometimes wear very smart tea
gown when dining alone with their husbands.
but they would not wear one to receive evening
company.
A reader asks ''the latest thing in evening
dress" This is AN almost impossible question
with no sleeves and neck cut V,shape. Mar,
ried ladies wear brocades and satns, with per-
haps some drapery about the neck and arms,
but the styles are endless to fashionable
dressmaker.
ADDRESSING A WIDOW.
''Mrs. c." would like to know whether q
widow should continue to use her husbands
initials or her own Christian name. This is
a mooted point in our country. II she has a
son who bears his fathers name she should
use her own Christian name to distinguish her
self from her sons wife. In England she
would be "Dowager Lady Ely" or Mrs Mar
garet Ely" People differ in their opinion on
this point. 1t would be impossible to decide it.
Novice" asks: ''What is full dress for q
boy q sixteen?" A round jacket. and collar
and nigh hat at Eton, Prince Albert frock
coat and derby hat in America. It should de-
pend on his SIZE and looks. Keep to the
round jacket and collar as long as you can; it is
SO very pretty.
Inquirer" asks: ''what is the custom or eti-
quette when an expectant bride receives many
presents? The wedding has several times been
postponed-has been indefinitely postponed
Shall the presents be returned to the d0nOrs?"
Yes; if an engagement is broken the wedding
presents are all returned
"Ignoramus" asks if a full dress suit is proper
Tor New Years day or afternoon calls.
Never. in this country. In Paris ii would be
proper for New Years calls.
"A. II. D." asks show some cards sent bv
mail should be returned"
There need be no hurry about it. II people
do not call on your day, do not be in any haste
to call on them. Az to asking q gentleman to
drive with you, it would be very polite for your
mother to do so.
A REApER.--No one says eyes, ma'am, no,
mann any longer, except to the queen Of
England. Every one answers her with that
old-fashioned formula.
Say simply yes, or no. You can make it re-
spectful by the infection of your voice.
Elmo" asks il, after her marriage-her we'd
ding having been strictly private-it would be
proper to send cards to young gentlemen
whom she has known before her marriage.
OF course, if she desires to continue the &C.
quaintance.
OFFICIAL CALLS.
The question is also asked when should new
corners in Washington call on the official ladies.
1t is etiquette in Washington for the new
days noticed in the newspapers.
meeting how should she be addressed, &C.,
Mrs. President or Miss Chairman"
Neither; she should be addressed by her
name.
'Mrs. Mackenzie writes: Glow shall NV
guests 90 in to dinner; do go frst?"
No; the host goes first with the lady to whom
the dinner IL given. The hostess always last,
with the principal gentleman guest. All the
card, and in the hall or anteroom each gentle
man should find the card indicating which lady
he IL TO take in to dinner.
Mrs. Mackenzie" also asks: "How long
1t - not kind TO keep guests over two hours
at dinner. The French dinner rarely lasts
more than one hour. II 10 better to rise after
the dessert and serve coffee in the drawing
room In some buses smoking is allowed In
tae dining-room, il others o smoking-room is
apart from the rest Of the house. The practice
OF the ladies retiring first 10 an English one
the Russians and Frence consider il barbarous.
II IN, however, the custom in the best houses Of
New York snd Boston and Washington. and Il
IL question II the ladies do not Ike It A. well
- the gentlemen. They enjoy little chat by
row TO GIT INTO SOCIETY.
30 many questions refer to the same subject
that We may a. we'll group them. At least half
the questions refer to the great topic: "How
shall We get into society,"" It il q curious
phase OF the present condition Of American
that society " room with door, which u
closed with lock, and il they can only get the
combinations Of that lock they can get into
society II il moro like fort defended with
great guns. One needs tact, good manners and
often much assistance to get into society. Still,
a. . fortress b NO stronger than its wsakest
Poms, 20 there are many weak points in society
where skillful strstsgist can strike blow.
Tnose ges in who often might better have been
xeps out We are on gliding scale In America.
20 one Knows With thorough exactitude whore
ne ssands Socially. where he IL to-day he may
vos pc tomorrow. The social aspect Of New
sssumpuon, arrogance. pretense, he may -
sumo 70 be 9 great psrson, and may BY his
manner hurt the feelings Of some modest Per.
son. We call such person '.snob," md b