The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1889-07-11
NEWSPAPER HUMOR.


Written With q Six Dollar Pair of Shears.
Mr.. cCrackle-Young Brown won't
have to wait ten years before celebrating
his tin wedding. Mrs. McCrackle-Howi is
that Mr.. McCrackle-He married girl
worth 5000, 900 in her own right.-Ne,C
York Sun.
Photographer-Now. sir, the exposure
is about to be made. Put on a pleasant
expression. Think of something agree
able-your wife, for instance. The came
"a moment later)-Good heavens, sir |!
You have cracked the camera.
81 am a self-made man," said sharp
er the other day to a gentleman whom
he had just got the best of in bargain,
81 am glad to hear you say so, )" respond
ed the gentleman, "for it relieves my
Maker of great responsibility"
Judge-What is this man charged
with, Mr.. Officer? Poiceman-He isn't
charged with anything as l know of, yer
honor. But it's nawthing to his credit.
Every wan that knows him makes him
pay cash. Peck'S MillUdukee Sun.
"And do you really love me, George
she asked. Love you ~ repeated George
fervently. why, while was bidding
you good by on the porch last night,
dear, the dog bit a chunk out of my leg
and never noticed it until l got home" &"
Lately gentleman sat down to write
deed and began Know one woman
by these" "You are wrong" said
friend. 1T should read know all men,
etc." "Very well, answered the writer,
'if one woman knows it all men will, of
course"
Robert dear, what is jag 2" "a jag ?
don't know, Maria" Mrs. Jones says
that her husband told her that he saw
you down town with your jag on. "Oh,
yes. see. He meant my box overcoat.
Il is sometimes called jag. - Chicago
Herald,
Teacher-Do you know what wine is
made Of, Tommy Tommy-Naw, don't
know. You ought to know. lsaw you
climbing up grape arbor the other day
when the owner OF the place was away.
What did you get 7" "a licking. ."-Terds
S1tings.
(Which do you love most, your papa
or your mammaY Little Charlie-l love
papa most. Charles mother-Why,
Charlie, am surprised at you. thought
you loved me most. Charle-Can't help
it, mamma we men have to stick to-
gether.- -Terds S9tings
"Yes, Clara, continued Mr.. Breezie to
his eldest daughter, "to succeed in this
life one should husband his opportuni-
ties" "Yes, pa" replied Clara, with a
faraway look in her eyes, especially
when ones opportunities are family of
grown up girls. ."-BoSton Transcript
When an old lady read that minister
Reid pays $2500 year more than his cal
AIRY for house rent in Paris" she said she
didn't see how he was going to keep out
Uf debt, unless he got a marriage fee
every day and his church gave him half
dozen donation parties year.-NOrrtS-
tOiCn Herald.
Papa" said the fair girl, with touch
of sadness in her tones, ~ have received
a note from William saying that you
kicked him as he left the house last
night" "Yes,' replied papa, 81 have
always paid your expenses, and footed
this Bill merely to be consistent. "
brakes Mdgdsine.
Mrs. Suburb-You are very late to-
night. Supper was ready two hours ago.
Mr.. Suburb-Yes, missed the 5:17 tram
and Lad to take the 5:19. Mrs. Suburb
But that is only two minutes. Mr..
Suburb-Yes, my dear, but the 5:17
comes straight through and the 5:19 stops
at l73 stations before it gets here,-NetC
York Weekly.