davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
HUNKS OF HUMOR.

A SAN FRANCISCO policeman purchased and ate an apple while en route home from Port Costa. He was immediately seized with convulsions and died soon after.
 "WHAT is your patronymic, sir!" asked civil-service examiner. My whats" asked the applicant. s'Your patronymic." s'Oh, yes; didn't catch your meaning at first; l am barber"
 A ST. LOUIS man detected the deceit of an expounder of spirltualism and gave the latter trouncing. Heafterward remarked that he did not think the punishment ex- treme, as he simply struck the medium.
 A LAWYER, in examining witness, asked him the size of the hoof prints left by a horse in sandy soil, and said: 'sWere they as large as my hands' holdingit up. Witness -"Oh, no! it was just an ordinary hoof.'
 'sWE must have class of men between the laity and the ministry" said Mir. Moody recently. ''Sure, and we have them al ready" was the comment of witty Irish man. ''They are the women, God bless them"
 A WESTERN editor has patented an ad- unstable portrait cut which is very handy not to say heady. He can make It into a picture of man, with or without a beard, Q mustache, hair or spectacles, quite readily, and it will be about as true portrait as any going the rounds.
 FIRST Southerner-"Are you going to apologizes" Second Southerner-''Now, see here" First Southerner-ssAre you going to apolosize" Second Southerner- ''No, sir" First Southerner-'.I'm glad to hear it. I accept it in the same open-hearted spirit in which it is rendered. Gentlemen, there will be no duel.''
 A MAN who was being examined by the commissioners of insanity ln San Francisco was asked among other questions: "What is your occupationa" He replied: "A phrenologist told me that was thinker, but think he was liar. I was 1n the army once. I staid there until I began to think. I thought there was going to be war, so euit."
 FIRST female juror (some years hence)- ''That fool of a woman who wants a divorce admits that her husband hung up a lot of pictures, and put up ten curtains and six lengths of stovepipe without saying one bad word or even losing his temper" Second female juror-"Yes, the man must be an angel Let's give her the divorce, and may be one of us can get him.
 musket in the streets tho other day was promptly arrested and taken before a magistrate. "Where did you buy this guna" inquired his honor. "Didn't buy it," returned the youngster, rather sulklly. "Where did you get it, thens" "What, the gun?" 'Yesl" "Why, that has been in our family ever since it was little pistol"
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
E)r. HENRY F. GILL.
OFFICE 155 SOUTH MAIN ST.

OFFICE 155 SOUTH MAIN ST. Free Consultation from g a. m. to 9 p. m.
 Sundays from i 10 SD. Iii. I,OR the past p years Dr GILL has given spe- A cal attention to the cure Of CHRONIC COM PLANTS, DISEASES OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN. SURGERY AND MIDWIFERY.
 His combination method of treating physical difficulties of long standing is the most sue cessful ever devised, He particularly invites those suffering with CATARRH, THROAT TROUBLES, ASTHMA and CONSUMPTlON. DYSPEPSIA and all troubles of DIGESTIVE OR CANS and KIDNEYS. All diseases of the BLOOD and SKIN s.Sch as Cancers, Tumors, Scrofula, Eryspelas, Sore Eyes, Salt Rheum, Tetter PimpleS, Old Sores, UlcerS Etc.
 Particular attention given to that class of com plaintS requiring the services of the best surgical skill and experience.
 NERVOUS DEBILITY, SEMINAL FAX NESS all manners of Fits, Paralysis, Palsy, St NituS' Dance and Nervous SpaSms cured. Dis eases of the Heart and Nerves Rheumatism. Neuralgia, Sciaticr, Etc, successfully treated.
 FEMALE DISEASES.
 Afternoons are particularly devoted to lady patients. The doctor can be consulted concern ing any Kind of female derangement with conf dence of certain relief. Good board and nurse when required. Patients visited at their homes when necessary. day or night
 All letters promptly answered.. Everything strictly confidential.
 The Doctor is a regular graduate of medicine and surgery from first-claSS college in New York. 1o67 Call and see him, Terms moderate
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
OCEAN DRIFT.

TIE pest of the sea-the tempest.
 IN the companion-way-th bridegroom. ON school ship even the ropes are taut THE music of the waves is probably pitched in c.
 WHEN q ship goes about where does the jib-stays
 WHEN man gets cheated out of money at sea is it case of sea-guls
 IT seems as though the captain ought to be first officer," but he isn't.
 THE blight" of rope may not be as dead ly as the cobra's, but it has had it's victims. Nor all banks are fog-banks. Neither are fog-banks the only banks that are foggy.
 THE drift of an argument may be checked by anchoring it with a weight of opinion.
 To fair querist: Yes, the gang plank is sawed off the sea board by the sword-fsh. THE average sailor cares nothing for jew elry, but he always takes his watch on deck.
 WHEN the sea-horse gets thirsty we sup pose he quenches his thirst at the nearest trough.
 A SHIP with her mainstay gone is nothing nearas badly off as family under like cir cumstances.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
A DEBT PAYING PRESIDENT.

4 DEBT PAYING PRESIDENT.
 Whatever else may be said of Presi- dent Harrison. it cannot be charged that hc has shown any particular disposition to shir}l the payment of his political debts Outside of a few conspicuous instances like those of Blocls-of- Five Dudley ani Editor Dana of the Sun he has done pretty well by those who aided him in his election.
 Beginning with Blaine, whose speeches and activity as the real leader of the party" helped him perhaps as much as Wanamaker's money. every selec- ton for his cabinet represented polit- ical debt that pressed for payment. The most conspicuous instance probably was that of the $40O, ,000 political beauty from Philadelphia whose appointment was de- manded by Senator Quay in return for the services furnished by Wanamaker last November. After the cabinet cred itors had been taken care of his selection of such men as WhitelaW Reid and Murat lIalslead for foreign missions, John c. New and Chairman Hust on for fat harths. Patrick E%an and Congressman Ryan IoY lucrative and pleasant places Showed he proposed to remember the men that had been most effectively in strUmeutai as workers in securing his election. The choice of Joel B. Erhardt for collector of the port of New York is in the same l,ne of political debt paying Mir Erhardt was the republican candi- date for mayor last fall and by running against the democratic candidates Grant and Hewitt solidifed the republican vote and helped to split the democratic strength. The appointmtnto of Cornelius Van Cott. the man chosen to succeed Postmaster Pearson of New York, squares another political debt owed to Tom Piatt of New ! Ork, and in looking at this appointment and remembering Che other New York appointments the only query that can arise is, what is going to be done for Warner Miller, the man who has been lying just outside the breastworl,s where he fell last fall: : But Miller should cheer up; all the plum have'nt been distributed yet.
 As one looks at the list of President Ilalison's appointees and reflects on the motives that prompted his selections, one cannot help but think that Senator Quay was a little off his base when, after failing to win Harrison over in re- gard to the Philadelphia postotilce, he tersely but emphatically remarked Damn an ingrate." Harrison is not an ingrate, that is speaking generally-he has shown himself one of the most grate- ful of men.
 ii he would only do the right thing by f,harles X. Dana he would stand as the most faithful debt-paying president in American history.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
DR. B. q. RYDER,
Albany Dentist, I3S Bank street, Waterbury.

I3S Bank street, Waterbury. TEETH FILLED WITHOUT PAIN, WE NEV- FER WEDGE TEETH BEFORE FILLING. Teeth extracted without pain by the use of Rydcr'S gas of Vtaiized air made fresh every day. Anyone take it with perfect safety, young or old,
 Teeth Extracted, 9 cts, Teeth Cleaned, 75 cts Gas or Air Administered, 25 centS Teeth Filled with Amalgun, 25 cents. Teeth Filled with Silver, 50 and D cents.
 Teeth Filled with Gold, Sl and upwards. A SET OF TEETH, $500
 BEST SET OF TEETH, $500, THERE IS NO BETTER MADE NO MATTER
 HOW MUCH YOU PAY.
 Office Open al All Hours. THIS OFFICE AND ALL OTHER PERMA-
 NENTLI LOCATED. Branches of the Albany Dental Association, the Largest Dental Establishment in the World; 133 Bank street, Waterbury, Conn. 3SS Main street, Bridgeport, Conn. B West Market street, Wilkesbarre Pa. 142 East Main street, Rochester, N. Y. Over First National Bank, Scranton, Pa. 272 Main street, Bntfalo N. Y Over First National Bank, BinghamptCn, N I.
 OFFICE OPEN AT ALI. HOURS.
 DR. c. B. RYDER.
 Manager of this Office DR. il. L. RYDER. Secretary.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
N0ticn in n0lffact0Es.

SEALED proposals for sweeping and clean , ing the payements on Bank and South Main streets will be received by the board of rad hall, until o'clock D. nl., on the 10th day of April, 1889.
 Each proposal must be signed by the bidder. and accompanied by bond of S200 as ;t surety for the execution of the contract in the bid be accepted. The right to decline any or all proposals is reserved. The proposals must be made on blanks furnished by the board and must be in conformity with this notice.
 Specification nay be seen and blank forms of pro- osal may be obtained at the office of City Engineer.
 By order of the board
 F. F. WELD, City Engineer.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
FIRE ALARM

LIST OF FIRE ALARM BOXES.
 Corner Willow and West Main.
 Exchange Place.
 II East Main and Wolcott Road 15 Corner Cherry and East Main, 21 Horse Railroad Stable (private). 9 Iron Bridge West Main. 24 Waterbury Brass Co. (private1 9 Corner Johnson and Wateryiue 26 Corner Prospect and Grove 27 Junction North Main, Grove and North r,,, aS Waterbury Mfg. Co.
 B Corner Washington and South Main 34 Waterbury Buckle Co
 B Benedict < Burnham Mfg. Co. 35 Waterbury Watch Co (,rivate) 3S Corner Grand and South Main 42 Corner Union and Franklin 43 Scovill Mfg. Co. (privatal 45 Corner Clay and Mill 46 No. 5 Hose House, Baldwin, 47 Corner Dublin Street and Doolittle All.r 312 Corner Meadow and Bank. 314 Corner Meadow and Cedar street. 321 Plume lS Atwood Mig Co (priyoteA 323 Holmes, Booth < Haydcns, (rrivateo 32l No. f Hose House. 325 Corner Simons and Burnlam streets
 INSTRUCTIONS TO KEY HoIpEps
 To give an alarm, open the door pull tho boo, down once and let go, then close the door ooh Do not pull the hook if the fire bell or small, a, in the box is striking, as that indicates am a,I I1n has already been given. ~ 'iipe Be particular to remain at the box until flo - rival of an officer Of the Fire Department" "e 1T aI permit remaining then the proper oase VIII not turn the key to the holder as soen as corysia re Always give the alarm from the box paaro.. .. fire. ~'iese the Key Holders upon changing their locations vi, please leave word with the Chief Er ineer. VI
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
PROHIBITION IN MASSACHUSETTS,.

ssstg0YFIBIrION IN MASSACHUSETTS
 Two weeks from to-day the voters of Massachusetts will decide by their bal lots whether or not the manufacture and sale of intoxicating liquors shall be .constitutionally prohibited in the state. From the indications as they appear in advance the prohibitory amendment is almost certain to be voted down. And this result is not made less certain by
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08

LOOK in our window tonight and see the fine line of watches we, give in our watch clubs. LAKE, STRoBEL & Go, suc- cessors to D. c. Calender, watch makers, jewellers and engravers. Special atten- tion given to repairing.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08

TIE Hartford Post in a graphic and somewhat peculiar editorial article tells about the tremendous rush of politi cions for office" that is going on now at Washington and the like of which has never been seen in this great American republic. But 1t has not one word of opinion to give on the matter. Now if this was q democratic administration we tremble to think of the scorching that these rushing inpoliticians'' would get. 1t evidently makes a difference to the Poat whose OK is @orel.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08

InE Hartford Courant claims that lherc is nothing partisan in it's "opinion that the New York posto6ice could be better conducted than it has been under Mir Pearson. We have discussed his Management at various times for years and pointed out it's manifest failures to meet its opportunity" It would be in tcresting to know just how many times the Courant pointed out Pearson's fail ure four years ago when there was a question of giving him the grand bounce. Did the Courant want Cleveland to reappoint Pearson: And if it did was it that Pearson's management could "mcet its opportunity" by using the New York postof1ice in the interests of the republican party:
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
"ANTED

1n0 MACHINISTS TO CALL AT S2 EAST IOO Main street and see how cheap you can buy MACHINISTS TOOLS Must be closed out
 Best goods made. Big bargains Great chance
 Pew days only on sale at ASA FISH X cos
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08

TW Harlford Times harps on the fact that Patrick EgaH has been naturalized citizen of the United States less than a year. That's nothing. There were a good many Egans in the war that hadn't been naturaiized at all-in every war in fact that the United States has had on her hands. Men who are good enough to represent the United States in war are good enough to represent her in peace. Let pon this kind of criticism. 1t does more harm than good. Irish democrats have q tender spot in their hearts for Patrick Egan and they will not hc disposed to think less of President Harrison for honoring him.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08

f EElDEN. WATERBURY X CONNECTICUT M RIVER RAILROAD.
 IN EFFECT APRII. 6. fSS9 FROM WATERBURY TO CROMWELL Lea Waterbury. New England station S:55 am 12:55, t:2o, 620 D. m. Leaves Waterbury. Dublin street 9:lO a m, 1.l0 4,42, 6 :25 D. m.
 FROM CROMWELL TO WArERHURY Leave Cromwell, GEO a. m. 12:l3 4a5 D. m Leave Meriden. West Main street roo s:a1 a m 1851, f:s5, 720 D. m. All trains arrive at and leave West Main street Meriden. -
 CIAS. Nj. CRAWFORD. Supf
 Meriden. Conn.,
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
WASHINGTON EMPRESS,

For Newbursh. Philadelphia. Baltimore and Washngt Il with Pullman sleeping Cars, 1042 pm. Boston, 3 10 m. Worcester, 3:10 Iii. Putnam, 3:1G Iii Wilmantc, 3:1D am. Hartford, 3:l0 m; return, 9:3G a. ni New Britain, 3;10 a m; return a:iS |. m. Danbnry, 10f2 p m; return 200 a III, Flshkii on Hudson, 10:t2 D m; return, 1920 d m
 A. c. KENDALL. Gen'l Pass Agent. EoSt@i. c 1T. PLiTr, Sunt., Hartford.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08
PENM MANSHTP

D E. HOLLY, Artist Penman and Teacher, 4 gives private instruction in practical and ornamental penmanship. All kinds of penwOrk done s.t the parlor. Invitations carl writing equal to the best engraving at short notice Par Tor, 13l Bank street.
 N. B.-A good business hand acquired in six teen lessons
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08

1T. B. CONWAY. the handsomest actor on the English stage, has been engaged Z. to support Mrs James G. Blaine, jr. Thus are beauty and fame yolled together to tickle the pockets of the great Ameri- cln public.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1889-04-08

WHERE he can be consulted daily from 9 q m W to9p. m. A lady will be at the office to giya Ire stment to ladies Wednesday and Thurs day afternoons of each week.
 The DOctoc makes especially of chronic cases. Any lady suffering from female Arrangement or debility may be sure of obtaining speedy relief from the Doctors methods.
 ELECTRICITY is especially indicated in Neuralgia, Rheumatism. Paralysis, St Nitus' Dance, Weakness of and Pains in the spine, Female Weakness, General Debility and all Arrangements of the nerves and muscles.
 Dyspepsia and Constipation are cured by its action on the nerves of the stomach and intesti e canal.
 destroyed.
 The explanation is that this agent assists vital ty by rearransny the molecular system. polar iZing the atoms, giving tension to the nerves and muscles, and thus putting the physical machine in order.
 CONS U IT X TT ON FIR F.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1889-05-21

The river is still falling at this point,
The leyee gauge at dusk last evening
showed a depth In the channel Of about
Q feet 0 inches. The Andes arrived from
Cincinnati about7 o'clock last evening
with q good trip on board and With
Captain Charlie Muhleman In command
and Clerk Mart Noll doing the honors
IN the Office, as usual The Andes will
leave on her return trip at
O'Clock this afternoon and make
II the frat OF q series Of popular
summer excursion trips she 10 10
make 10 Cincinnati and return. A
pleaBantoF, cheaper excursion Of q weeks
duration can not DO made better than
on the Andes. Tho Hudson ID due up
Of an early hour this morning en.route
from Cincinnati 10 Plttsburgh, and the
Katie StoCkdAle 10 due down In
the same trade, also al an early
hour. Capt, John Parrish, OF Wood
county, this State, an old pioneer
river man a. good.heafted, whole.souled
q gentleman % ever trod q deck, has
beenadj judged insane and will be sent 10
tue Asylum al Weston. The Courier
has been chartered by the Steubenyllle
Turner's for IN excursion 10 East Liver.
pool on Sunday, June Q, The people
81 Steubenvlle are talking Of hay.
ing. an ordinance passed pro.
hibitlng Sunday excursion boats
from landing AZ that point. They
had another one there on Sunday, the
Horace, with q crowd from hereGbouh
on board, and before leaylng the town
the exCutslonlBls enllyed things With q
ight on the wharf, The Government
lighthouse steamer Golden Rod, which
lay up here on Sunday passed Up yeBtef'
Jay morning bright aud early.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1889-05-21

ABOUT PEOPLE.

Strangers In the City and wheeling People
Abroad.
W. II. Bradley, OF New Cumberland,
was down yesterday.
II. w. Nelson, Of steubcnvIlle, was at
the Windsor yesterday.
MIR. NJ. @. @. Church, OF Parkersburg,
was registered at the Stamm house yes.
terday.
Rev. David B. Updegrafl, OF Mt. Pleas.
ant Ohio, was at tho Mcclure house
yesterday.
Mr.. Wilson, Of r. q. Dun 4 Co., left
yesterday evening on business trip
through the State.
7. +. Birch, OF Washington, Pa, and
W. B. Gibson, OF West Alexander, Pa,
are at the Mcclure.
DR.. j.. W. P. Jarvis, Of Basnett, W.
Va, and L. o. Hiehle, OF Parkersburg,
are at the Hotel Windsor.
Secretary Of State Walker and his wife
came up from Charleston last evening
and are at tho Mcclure house. !
Misses Virginia and Bessie Smith, Of
Lexington, KY, are visiting their cousin
q. s. Adams, ESD, Of the East End.
l.. w. Sutherland, oiSmithGeld, Ohio
tho well known Wheeling & Lake Erie
Railroad Director, ID ut the Mcclure
house.
Miss Jessie Davis has returned To her
home in this city from Charleston,
where sue has been for some time visit.
Ing her aunt.
Jacob L. Umstot, formerly Of this city,
now OF Kansas City, is spending a few
days here visiting old friends. He looks
the same and Is tho same jolly indlvld.
ual as Of old.
Mr.. D. 9. List, who was recently
elected Q Director Of tho Central Ohio
Railroad, has returned from Columbus,
where Ito attended q meeting OF the
Board on Saturday.
Hon. ]. j. Woods, Speaker Of the
House Of Delegates, has returned 10 his
home In this city from Mt Clemens,
Mich, whore he has been solournlng
for tho past month.
Mr.. Frank II. Smith, a well.knoyn
citizen and influential Republican OF
Now Cumberland, came down yesterday
and 10 the guest Of his brother, Mr., 3,
q, Smith, on Sixteenth street,
Miss Amelia sChwertieRer, Of this city,
has been the guest OF Miss Sallle Arm.
strong, Of Point Pleasant, for the past
two or three weeks. One night lNSt
weok Miss Armstrong gave q d6ilRhliui
reception and hop In honor Of her guest.
Miss MolliO sylylS gave pleasant
party Al the residence Of her father,
Lieut.. o, Sylvlg, corner Of Eleventh and
Market streets, last night. A number Of
her friends enjoyed themselves greatly
TIL a late hour In pleasant social games.
Refreshments were served, and The
evening throughout was without a lea.
tute 10 mar IT.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1889-05-21
The Comic Opera Friday Night.

1.-THE Little Tycoon" the much.talked-
OF comic opera, will be presented at the
Opera House Friday night, under the
personal direction Of ils author, Mr..
Willard Spenser, Being Of Japanese
name, many suppose the opera was sug.
gested by the success Of the "AIikado."
Such, however, Is not the case, as 1t Ia
claimed that "The Little Tycoon" was
written and copyrighted before the pro,
duetion OF tho rMikado,N and that It
was not until five years after he had
written 1t that Mr.. Spenser had the
pleasure OF seeing 1t on the stage, "The
Little Tycoon" Is a satire on the foreign
title worshiping craze, and only a por-
ton OF 1t Is Japanese. unsteady, 1t Ia
bright and catchy, while In stage mount,
ing and Costuming 1t Is one Of the most
gorgeous productions on the.stage. The
company presenting theSopera Is com.
posed OF fifty.two people, including Cath
erine. Linyan,. Hattie Arnold, Mamie Ger,
hi, R. L. Graham, ], Aldrich Libby, Lloyd
Wilaon, Joseph Aealy and ], ?. Mccoy
ern. The company carry their own or
ohestra, under the direction Of CHARLES
Bergman.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1889-05-21
WEBERS wlNDRALL
The Louisiana State Lottery Awards a For.
tune Of $4,000.

me LOUISIANA Stntp lluttofy AWhruB FOR
tune OF $4,000.
In a neat and modest cottage at Ill
Liberty street, West Side, lives Pete
Weber. The even tenor Of Peters wa,
has been rudely broken In upon by al
incident not Of a very dlsCouraging char
acter, He luckily held one.twentieth o
ticket No. 32,074, which drew the frs
capital prize Of $500, 900 in the drawing
OF the Louisiana State Lottery, on Apr
10, and consequently, a week ago Satur
day, $4,000 In cold cash were added Il
his earthly possessions.
A Sun and Voice reporter dropped Ii
10 sec Mr.. Weber Friday. He found |
little gray.haired, good.natured German
whose acquaintance with English Is To-
from perfect, but by whom, with thu
assistance OF his comely and more thor
oughly Americanized daughter, he wa
assured that the rumors Of the ananCia
windiall were entirely true.
Mr.. Weberis indeed a fortunate man
So large q fortune seldom comes In I
lump 10 a laboring man, aud, coming al
activity are At t6e most bit few, Il Il L Al
untold blessing, and would that we al
could DO similarly favored. We under
stand that Mr.. Weber purposes return
ing 10 Germany In the near future,
To his old friends and relatives on tn
other side Of the ocean, Mr.. Weber vii
doubtless have better stories 10 tell o
his new home than they have ever heatt
before. The prize which he has draw
will make him seem TO the residents Q
BiSmarCk's dominion, as a truly ricl
man, must be envled,-Cleteldnd (Ohto
Sun and poics, May 8,