The Delta independent., 1889-01-01
LIVELY TURNS loF THOUGHT

Grave ohArsss-thoIs made by the under
taker.
The poet who is always amusing is not
necessarily funny.
Our aquatic athletes arc now getting tho
last rows Of GUNNER.
Many man has = pale appearance after
leaving bucket shop.
Saratoga Is famous for spring water and
Niagara for fall water:
Lawyers ought to be good poets; they
write lots Of "versus."
People studying the language Of Finland
have an exciting time at the Finnish
The old-fashioned china, for practical
purposes, is not what it is cracked up to be.
The death Of book-keeper should occa-
sion no surprise, for it is the most natural
thing in the world for him to go to his ac-
count.
Little Bobby has discovered that the
Chickasaw nation dates back to Bible
times, and that it was founded by the chick,
Esau.
Pittsburger died recently at the age of
eighty who had drank eight glasses Of gin
daily for fifty years. He was an octo-gin-
arian.
Nearly 5000 Norwegians migrated from
their country last year, and the emigration
this year is reported to be considerably
greater;
III Louisville, KY; four brothers have
married four sisters. There remain three
girls in one family yet but there are no
boys to mate them.
A Maryland paper asserts that sports
man, while out cunning near Barnesville,
oh t-s,1 81 ho,r
did not iniure the hawk
The New York Times has an article on
''Tbe Saloon in Politics." but a more timely
subject for analysis Just now would seem to
be Politics in the Saloon"
Natural gas has been discovered forty
five miles from Fresno, Cal, and the peo-
pie are building hopes on its making their
town manufacturing center.
Bernhardt says If she could have her
choice of death she would prefer to be struck
by meteor. 1t might want something
meatier than you to strike, old girl.
Sometimes when Fortune seems to be
marching directly towards you, it wheels
suddenly and goes the other way. Then it
is that you curse the Wheel of fortune.
A Norwegian savant boldly expresses tho
opinion that there are no such things as
mermaids. This Skald will get himself into
hot water If the circus men get hold Of him.
An Indiana man has coughed up an ac-
cordion. AL rightthinking people must
view this event with sorrow. There were
quite enough accordions in the world al
ready.
1t is too early as yet TO say much about
the rest Of the crop, but that favorite Della
ware peach known as the Salisbury cling
stone has been frozen out.-Philadelphia
Ledger.
A piano manufacturer in New York named
Anton Dali, fell through the elevator shaft
Of his establishment from the fifth to the
first floor. Incredible as it may seem, he
was not injured.
The public will view with alarm the an
nouncement that the foul fly is to be retain
cd in the baseball field. This insectiverous
abomination is bound to be on hand every
time. As the lamented Billings remarked,
'Darn f1i."
"They are working on q new telescope"
observed De Smith, 'that will bring tho
moon within sixty miles Of the earth" III
the moon is really made Of old cheese" re-
marked De Cantur, that IS close enough
Chicago Tribune.
English locomotive engineers are COM
planning Loudly because tne companies Will
not provide cabs on their engines to shelter
them from rain and snow storms. The d.
rectors claim that cabs obstruct the view
and lead to accidents.
A young man who was married ut Bur
iington, Iowa, the other night gave the of
fciating clergyman $40 gold piece by mis-
take for $3.50 coin, and went to the preach
er's residence in the middle Of the night and
demanded restitution. He got it.
Queen Victoria intends to place an eques-
trian statue Of the late Emperor Frederick
in Windsor great park in close proximity to
the statue Of the prince consort. 1t has been
purchased out Of the women's jubilee offer
ing and will be unveiled in March next.
Mr.. Shopleigh-"Here's letter from my
daughter, Mr.. Barter, in which she says she
wants me to send her water color She
probably means a water cooler; she never
was much 1t spelling. Pack up one of them
big ones with roses painted on 'em She
might as well have o good one while we're
about II"