The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-07-18
ANTI-DYSPEPSIA.
Brother Gardner and His Objec-
ton to the Presidency.
WHY HE WOULDN'T HAVE 1T.
He Thinks HOwling is Paid For at So Much
Per HOwl-A Fair Understandins
Hard Death to Die.

hotd heah In my hand, said Brother
Gardner, as the meeting opened in due forea.
"a lettah from de Office of de mayor Of CH-
cinnati axing me if l will be candydate fur
president in 1892, an addin' dat | am called
by six millyon Guild people. De seclretary
Of dis lodge will write him letter in reply
de will write de word 'Chestnutsr sign nv
name below, an direct it to dis anxious in
qurrer. Dat word exactly expresses my
feelins
in de fust place, l ar no mo- fit to be
president of dis United States dan 'possum
ar to teach Greek. In de next place, hev
Parned from sad experience dat SIGH honeyed
words conceal an object Eight Vars ago a
man In Chicago announced dat | was de
choice Of twenty states fur president. He
cum on yere ten days afterwards an bor-
rowed $50 of me an have nebber seen him
since. Fo' vars ago pusscu in Buffalo pre-
dicted dat | would be nominated on boat
tickets, and week later he showed up heah
an boarded on me two weeks an skipped out
wid my best suit. 1t was suggested last var
dat be nominated fur guv'nor of dis state.
Dat suggestion cost me SIS. Dis vera in
divldual in Cincinnati will be sloshing around
dis way next week if he doan' git dat letter,
calkerlatin' to hit me for $40 an a weeks
board
81 say to you, my friends, de wJst befooled
man iii the kentry am de man who wants of.
fee He's everybody's game De man who
thinks he's got political call has made mis-
take. What be takes fur de voice of de ma
shun am simply de voice of de fool killer Fit
or unfit want no Office, nor will accept of
any nomination If dis yere Lime Kiln club
kin lead dis kentry on to fame and glory dat'a
honor huff fur any of US Isay yere an now
to de people at large dat it will be useless to
waste any postage on me, an de man who soft
soaps me agim has got to do it while ar
asleep"
Brother Stepback Smith wanted to inquire
if Brother Gardner would not change his
mind in case his nomination was spontane
GUS
mo, sahI" was the vigorous reply. "Dar
am no SIGH thing, to begin with. De people
oi tins kentry doan' git up an howl fur any
particular man. Oars too much good tim
Der Whar' any howlin is dun, it is paid fur
at SO much per howl Sot down, Brudder
Smith-sot down an feel mo- dan eber deter
mined to wash yer hands of politics an what
it leads to-"
THE REQUISITES.
A letter from the secretary of the No Is
club located at Terre Haute, Ind. stated that
he had been authorized to ask the Lime Kiln
to affiliate, and asked what was required of
candidate for membership in the club.
de rules an regulashuns hev bin published
seberal times" said Brother Gardner in an
5wer, "but will state em agin fur de benefit
Of de public, Dey are:
IL If de applicant has eber bin in Jail he
mus be able to prove by three reputable wit
neSses dat he was arrested by mistake.
'2 Ii he has run away from his wife he
mus make oath dat it was impossible to lib
wild her an injoy religun ct de same time
"3. He mus be industrious. honest and
peaceabie.
II. If he has cher bin publicly charged wild
Iiftin chickens, de fact should be stated, not
dat it will be counted agin him, but dat we
may keep him out of fucher temptashuE.
rs. he mus be able 10 make his mark wild
pen or pencil, an de harder he kin spell an
cipher de better it will be fur him.
&c. De applicant mus be entirely cl'ar of
debt, own $500 wuth of property, an hev
gineral reputashun as a respectable citizen"
NOT AS BODY.
03iveadam Jones arose to ask for informa-
ton. He had been asked several times if the
Lime Kiln club was to be represented at the
Paris exposition, but not being posted was
unable to reply.
st will not be represented as body" re-
piled Brother Gardner. ANY of our mem
bers who drap ober dar will take DER ca'ds of
membership, of co'se, but dey will not ofishu-
ally represent de club. 1t air now time fur
dis meetin' to disperse an go homewards. u
Detroit FrCs Press.