Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1889-11-23
SATURDAY. NOV. 23d, 1899.
BACK TO THEIR V0MIT.


They blow and buster,
And gag and brag,
Like the midnight orgies of a Brownie
muster,
Then continue to scold
And talk very bold,
When of its sharp Faber THE HERALD
takes hold.
If anybody can get up column
and half of less fact and more fancy
than the Statesman gets off on us this
week, they take the premium. We
had reason to expect something new
instead of the same old rehash.
Its talk about !" idiots" cowardly
curs," and drunkards," is worthy of
its source, and can be heard at horse
traders resorts, in bar room brawls,
and with We bourbon editors, but not
in a Republican newspaper.
What great crime we are guilty Of
charging against them remains I'M
told. Our differences are only politi-
cal and within the natural bounds OF
business rivalry; but the way it
squeals and begs for mercy, the shoe
must pinch them somewhere unknown
to us. Its fierce TODD reminds us OF
an unlucky preacher We once heard on
our foreign travels. He got up on the
altar and said that all the "vile STUFF
the people were talking was all =" base
lies" 1t aroused great curiosity and
gossip run riot for few days. Some
of the more feri fdcias fiery faces,
like the Statesman 4" loyer.") got out
their old shooting irons and went
around to pop the head off that "vile
stuff" but they found nothing except
that they made fools out of them
selves. But we hate to see old women
cry, and if they will just spit out who
struck Davy Patterson" and where
he was hit below the belt, we shall
make due reparati0n and never hurI
the child any where, for we love Bos-
ton dude or London snob for his fine
dancing and prancing capacities when
under HERALD fire. People who live
in glass houses shouldn't throw
stones.
The fact that we hold little federal
position wounds our contemporaries,
so:ely, and it is one of the grave Of
fences charged against us. We got il
fairly and honestly without word
against anyone, but if we ever MAXI
such long mouth and bitter face a.
onr friend the enemy did when the,
were bounced from their 80 My Poor"
Mail Agency, then wedeserve as littl.
sympathy as they got; but as long
as we attend to our business and dis
charge our duty, the public will look
at these petty attacks of a malignant,
foe as a characteristic trait of the
tribe of disgruntled grunters. We
pever did
Like Davy Crockett,
Go up in rocket
And come down without that little
Office in our pocket, which the people
concluded he wasn't capable of filling.
though great lawyer in the shadow
of a greater, but the little end of noth-
ing backing up the street in search OF
ideas without brain-space to hold
what he's got.
Another objectionable crime that
they hint at is that we were once a
Democrat. Is that such agreat shame?
Some greater men than they have
changed their beliefs without becom-
ing traitors or selling their princi-
Piles. There is only one animal that
never changes its opinions, and its
bray reminds US very forcibly of oui
enemies lay. We were twenty-five
when we came here, and could never
have turned many campaigns by our
Democratic efforts; and if there was
so much to gain by starting Repub-
lican paper where the common cry
was none can succeed, we failed to see
it. But because it has been made
success and come to stay, hence those
tears.
They talk glibly, too, about "hun-
dred dollars" one would infer we
stole from some one. Let them come
straight out with the facts; the offic-
ers of the Republican party's organi-
Zation are here; you can prove by
them whether we ever got hundred
dollars, or were ever before the COM
mittee for one iota, or even got
dollar we did not contract for or give
value received. Now don't beat
around the bush, but come ont with
your facts properly vouched for, or be
branded as you deserve.
Oh, but some of our friends were
ashamed of our company and sneak
ed down the kitchen stairs" Indeed
1t must have been when we enjoyed
the intimacy" of Brother David. No
wonder they sneaked away when they
found US in such company. But we
have repented since. Hope they will
forgive US. We dare say not even
mountain woman would cast up a
favor done in auld lang sayne; But.
Davy does. He is cultured, noble to
high degree, brave descendant of
POcahontas. If we haven't paid him
for " assistance" rendered, it is now
in order to hand in his bill.
The whole secret of his powers of
abuse leaks out when he gloatingly
mentions his source of information as
coming from Cuffey's" collection of
vituperation. So he has joined that
mutual admiration circle. Well done.
What beautiful trio? The public
needs no word from us on that score.
More deserving citizens than we are
have fallen victims there. But they
have lost nothing by it. Let these
trio of dark angels join heart and
hands and do their worst.
He should talk Of "entertaining our
colored brother at table," and then
go fill the aching void in his brain
with the slop-bucket from Cuffey's
editorial kitchen. We did think
a white mans editor was logician.
rhetorician and metaphysician enough
to know that we don't entertain our
colored brethren on the back fence or
on the public commons.
But our Muse wants TO drop into
poetry again, The Davidicial theme
is perfectly inspirashus." We will
soon have to print book entitled,
David s Sad Plight
THE HERALD's Delight,
Or Idyls of
systematically Gulch."
Au reUoir, ye editors sore.
So full of gore,
And thirsting for more /:
ALWAYS Swpan hafora