Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1889-01-18
HUMOROUS
A stare-case-An opera glass.

x
A stern necessity-A boats g tiller.
Motto for a coopor-"'Hoop at tub
The cracksman's invoctive Blast it'll
Query: 1, the wheelwright better
than his feliocsl
Oae of tho brightest spots in exist
enco-" spot cash"
Men who walk off with smile are
very rarely arrested.
Under false colors-Tho checks of
great many women.
The lawn mower after all, really
'keeps off the grass"
Relatively speaking, what's the mat
ter with country cousinsf'
Apropos of "high rollers" the ole-
vatod trains suggest thomsolvo, as
giddy.
To the thrifty housewife baking day
is an occasion rcplete with stirring ia
cidente.
1t is to be assumed that the dealer in
ships canvas employs none but compe-
tent sails-mcu
"What dill you say, Par
Pa Never mind.' Bobby-'T don't
oftencr than l have to, do II
'Amenr says the pastor, in solemn
tone, and then the ancient maidens lift
their eyes and groan, "Ah, menp
Mistress "Why, Nora. how dusty
the chairs areW Maid-"Yos, min,
there's nobody sat on thin today, mim."
Why's a general housemaid like q
boot2 Because one is maid of all work
and the other is also made of awl
work.
"The search is fruitIess," said the
small boy. as he looked at the wire
screen covering the corner grocer's ap-
pie barrel.
Don't forget tho number--sS
Shut like two brctzels syto by sytc,'"
is tho way prominent Chicago firm
prints its letter and bill heads.
johnny Tommy, lets put our PEN
MES together and buy ma nice pros
ent." Tommy-"AIl right. What shall
it be2' Johnny-"I gu,ss VIC had bet
ter get her padded slipper"
Sheriff Ito condemned man cutting
his last breakfasO sO-"Wil you have
some ham and eggsf' Condemned
Mana couple of eggs, please, but
no ham. Pork gives me Indigestion"
Feminine criticism: "What a viper
that NJ nc. L i3r' "Thero's no uso
in making her out as bad as that, my
dear She only tries 20 bite in order to
make US believe she has some teeth
left"
1t must be curious event, tho pro-
posal Of suffering lover. He would
have some difficulty il telling his fair
one that she was tn, pup-pup- pearl of
his life, and the dud-dud. darling of hi,
heart.
IIousekoep6r - Professor, have you
any suggestions with regard to my
bric-a-brac that you think would assist
the artistic efT,ct of my houso1 Pto-
fessor-I would suggest the advisabii-
ty of an auction sale.
'Ah, so the Spanish ministers hav,
resigned" sal Mrs. Homespua, look
ing up from her paper. ministers
are always preaching about the duty of
resignation, and it 5 gratifying to know
that somo of them, at least, have fiaai-
ly followed their own counsel"
Mr. Knowitall Imparts information
PA" said Johnny X owitall, "the
paper says natural gas is offensive to
the olfactories. What does that meant"
20 factories is misprint. 1t should
be oil faci ories. The oil factories don't
like it because natural gas is running
their business"
There are fish in the sea, said the maiden
fair
GAS good as ever were caught SO therer
And she Tilted her beau and " vent he. :
And she found, although there we're fish in
the sea
As good as ever were brought to land,
They wouldn't come out at her command,
And the beautiful maid grew pale and sad,
And wished she had kept the one she had