davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

What the American dudes need
most is the massage treatment applied
with club. Tribune.
-''Give the boys chance" says a
trade journal. Nonsense; the boys take
too many chances now; that's the
trouble. -Brooklyn Eagle.
John, dear" she said, "if were
to die would you marry again?" 81
might, my love-" he replied, "but l
should go trihe Less recklessly than
l did before. Once a Week.
We never wondered at the ease
with which David killed Goliah with
his little sling. Many better man
than Goliah has since fallen avictim to
the little sling.-Time.
-Husband-"It takes you half an
hour or more to find your pocket,
doesn't it," Wife (sweetly)-'Yes,
about that, John, dear, but it takes you
longer than that at times. Epoch.
Miss Lovelorn 1.-The professor
says l have the inventive genius"
Miss Caustique-"Perhaps you mis-
understand him. No doubt he meant
you were full OF new wrinkles. IN.
Y. Sun.
Some men in this world are self
made, but good many more wouldn't
amount to any thing but for their
wives; and their wives are not dis
posed to let them forget it, either
Somerville journal.
There is one beautiful thing about
the present fashion of wearing knee
breeches in the summer, 1t gives the
impecunious young man a show to cut
off his expenses and his old trousers
legs at the same time..-Puck.
Health journals insist upon repos-
ing on the right side only and claim it
is injurious to lie on both sides, but we
don't know where they will find a
Notwithstanding set of men than
lawyers. Salem (Ore.) Statesman.
--Griggs Creating friend from out
OF town)-'This is the finest saloon
(hic) in the city, Brown. They have
an enormous business. l do all my
drinking here" Brown-''Is that so,
Griggs? They must have an enormous
business. Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Henpeck Cooking up from
paper)-'I see the question of easy
marriage and divorce is attracting
great attention." MIR. Henpeck Cab
sently)-"Quite right. quite right.
Marriage should be made extremely
difficult, in fact almost impossible. -
Philadelphia Record.
Mr.. Henpeck (meaningly)-"Ell
Wheeler Wilcox says all girls should
be sunny" Mrs. Henpeck- Huh!
Most girls are sunny. Its after they
become women and begin living with a
husband that all the sunshine goes
out of their life" Mr.. Henpeck sub
sides.-N Y. Weekly.
-Freeman-''Don't you think this
doctrine of infant damnation horri-
BILE one?" Sours (slowly)-''Well,
don't know. / used to think that way,
but since the Howler family and their
new baby moved next door to ne / am
kind of wavering, kind of wavering.-
Lowell Citizen.
--Touche (airily)-"What! Work
ing, old man? I'm just off for the dog
show" Bilious (wearily) - what
prize are you trying for?" Touche
.(angrily)- We'll, sir, "rm not en-.
tered in the puppy list, at any rate. VI
Bilious (promptly)-"Thanks, awfully.
That gives my pup walk-over. IN
Y. Herald.
Mrs. Jason-"Jehiel, I've had the
awfullest scare. 1 opened the door and
found the worst-looking tramp l ever
saw. Why, l couldn't say word TO,
ten minutes" Mr.. Jason-"Do you
know which way he went? would
like to get his makeup if it had thai
effect. "-Terre Haute Express.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

"A few years ago, when Ednonia
Lewis first placed her statue Of Cleo
patra on exhibition, country woman
strayed in and stood before it in ad-
miring awe for few minutes then
turning to Miss Lewis. said: ibid you
make it from life?" swell, no, not ex-
actly. as Cleopatra lived thirty years
before Christ" answered Miss Lewis.
20? is that SO! Then l suppose you
made it from photograph" and with
last, lingering look, she Departed
evidently quite satisfied.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30
INCONSISTENT WOMEN,
Two Remarkable Instances OF Narrowness
and Whimsicality.

anu w nlHlStVaIty.
Tho Inconsistencies of human ma
ture are often a great puzzle to NO."
remarked friend as we walked down
street Ile other day. "Do You see that
woman crossing the street? Well, she
wakes eloquent on the subject of cruel
ty to animals. raises great hue and
cry against tho teamster who whips his
horse or the boy who beats his dog,
and yet she seems to be entirely lack
ing in sympathy for the two-legged
aSimals who serve her. She rules her
servants with rod OF iron and is ex-
acting and unreasonable in her de-
mands of hotel employees and quick to
complain of the least inattention. fan
cied or real, on their part. At the
stores where she is well known the
clerks vie with each other in their
readiness to let somebody else have
her check and they give sigh OF re-
lief when she finally collars one to wait
on her." Speaking of inconsist-
encies," l replied, reminds me of a
young lady know, intelligent, educated
and interesting, who in most things
is considered rather strong-minded,
reads Carlyle, Emerson. George Eliot,
and SO forth, but in little things is so
narrow and whimsical that she makes
herself ridiculous. She discarded a
splendid young man not long since be-
cause he wore mittens instead of gloves
one evening when he escorted her to
the theater. All her philosophy counted
for nothing against such an offense as
that. Chicago journal.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30
In an old deed a certain boundar.

In an old deed a certain boundary
line was described as terminating az "a
stump where Daniel Harrington licked
William Jones'" This reminds the
editor of the Green Bag that in the ear
lier days of the township OF NORM
Hatfield, Mass, a road was laid out
which was described as running rom
Pochang meadow to the stream Whero
old Mr.. Doolittle's horse died.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

GONE HoME.-News reached town
yesterday that William Napoleon Far
rington, otherwise known as French
Bill, had departed from this world. He
was materially assisted by three Or
four bullets which Hank Henderson
fired into him during dispute about
the ownership of a piece of land We
don't know whether Henry was right
or wrong, but we have felt for some
time that this cold world was no place
for Mr.. Harrington. He wasn't bit
content, and he was in the habit of
shooting at such people as were. He
wanted cheaper whisky. better weather,
more latitude for his skill with the
pistol, and we truly hope he's got it.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30
Why He Felt Downhearted.

"Why this melancholy mien?" said
the travelling man, as he strolled up to
the assistant book-keeper's desk.
II proposed to my girl last night"
"Did she ring bellP"
"No."
Say ratsp"
"No."
Tell you she would be a sister to
7ou?"
NO"
well, what on earth did she do?"
''She accepted me-" - Merchant
Traveller.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

NOTICE. desire to give notice q
the public at large that the next msn
who filings a stone against our once
door will have to outrun six bullets.
We have got tired of the business We
don't want to seem captious, but enough
is enough. Tim Reeves, Joe Smith and
Hank White will please take notice. =
Detroit Free Press.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Children Cry for 1t and Men and Wome"
Can't Do without 1t.

Can't Do without 1t.
We take the following from the last
issue of the Arizona Kicker:
COOP FOR CHILDREN.-Major Bost-
wick, the owner of Grizzly Ranch,
came in the other day and subscribed
for the Kicker in the name of his six
year-old son, who has been crying Tor
it for the last two months. This is the
fifth or sixth case where children have
evinced their interest in and admlra-
ton for our great enterprise, and we
can not help but feel flattered. WINE
the Kicker will not enter the field 10
compete with the Sunday-School Al
vocate, or the Christian Herald, we
shall give every thing a goodish TWIST
and strive to point moral and incu'-
cate lesson.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

Nor A CRITICIsM.-In law suiibe-
fore Esquire Jones last week fourteen
reputable witnesses swore to seeing
Pete jackson carry off rifle belong.
ing to Abram Weeks. jackson him
self didn't deny the fact, refusing to
plead at all, but his Honor discharged
him. Why? Because Jackson's
brother Jim sent four gallons Of
whisky around to his Honor's shanty
the day before the trial. We do not
propose to criticise the Judiciary Of
this town, but we feel to remark that if
Esquire Jones was soaked in the
creek for about four days he'd be
moro worthy of the confidence OF our
people. We don't say that he sold
himself for four gallons of whisky, out
we are ready to form one of a commit
tee to wait upon him and prove that
he has been drunk ever since the case
was ended.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

LAME EXPLANATIoNs.-A stranger
supposed to be man who is wanted
for murder in Tucson, was discovered
hiding under the bridge the other day
and taken to Jail to be held until iden-
tilted. That night he dug his way out
and next day the sheriff was around
trying to get hundred dollar bill
changed. He says he found the bill
on the street, but that story looks fishy
There isn't man in this town that
wouldn't yell lung out if he lost6ha,
much money. The prisoner -Asd6a
crowbar to dig out with, and the sher4h
says he must have had it concealed ii
his pistol pocket. The official owes us
$15, and if we can get our hands on
the money this week we shall, in our
next issue, advise the public to run
him out of town as dishonest scoun-
drel.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

Jokes about soal skin sacques ara
very fur-fetched. Boston Courier.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

WE CANT Do 1--WE have received
several communications this week ask
ing us to pitch into the N. P. branch
road for it's slow time, dirty coaches
and impudent officials. We cant do
it. We have an annual pass over the
branch, and we feel in honor bound
not to even mention accidents along
the line. -
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-03-30

A SURPRISE PARTY. Two Or three
weeks since we denounced Colonel
Hallimell as a claim-jumper, mule
stealer and wife-deserter, and added a
few words to the effect that he would
look we'll at the end of a rope. Satur-
day evening, as we were talking with
the cashier of the First National
Bank, the Colonel approached us and
warned us to prepare for death.
Greatly to our own amazement and to
the intense surprise of the whole
street, we didn't run. On the COIL
trary. we sailed into the Colonel like a
brick house falling on a sand fly, and
we had him licked inside of five min
utes. We can't account for these
freaks in our nature. Sometimes we
fight like tornado and again we run
like a jack-rabbit. People intending
to lay for us must take their chances.
The Progress., 1889-02-23
WALKING DRESSES.
Pertinent Suggestions Concerning Fash.
tnnabIe Street Costumes.

Pertinent Suggestions Concerning Fash.
innable Street Costumes.
The best material for costume fol
the street is the cloth tinis he'd hannel
Or any soft draping goods in all wool
with q plain surface. Tie plain skir,
is worn to some extent butla com.
bination of plated skirt and ltlrapcrv
is liked better by the mass. a plated
front with a slightly bontfant back
drapery is much worn. lii others the
skirt is quite plain in front, being
fulled a little at the top. and with twt.
or three side pl:litS. and the back
draped in a loose puff.
A costume of this style Is bay
brown cloth-finished flannel, and III aid
woolen goods in various shades Of
brown streaked with bright red and
black. The skirt 'front.' is Of tho
plaid material, the tlrapery
ut the back Of the plain. The
bodice, also Of the plain. is tight-tit-
ting, with a position back. lined with
red silk. 4, front the bodice comes
down into a peak It is trimmed with
y pointed plastron of red silk, with q
turned-up collar of the same. The
sleeves are finely plated in the upper
part. and the fullncss is let out III q
putting at the elbow, then again
plated on to deep fac;ng OF red
silk.
Another has pelisse of blue fancy
cloth, with clasps at the side and or
nament at the back Of pas ,enentcrie.
An elegant costume is of dark olive
green ladies' cloth. The bo,lice opens
in front with two deep revers taper
ing down to the waist. Tho opening
shows a peaked plastron embroidered
in silk and braid in colers Of Indi:,n
cashmere. This bodice comes down be-
low the waist. It is rounded in front,
and forms a small coat basque
at the back, slit open in the center.
This is trimmed with small revcrs of
embroidery. Tie nnderskirt is 81
olive-grcen silk. A panel is laid on
over this skirt on the left side. The
upper skirt OF the cloth is slightly
draped i'll front and more fully so at
the back It opens on the left side to
show All embroidered panel. Coat
sleeves with deep embroidered cuff. 4
A very handsome wnlking dress Is
OF faille and plaid velvet; plain lower
skir'; very long, full draperies Of
faillc. faced with velvet; tic back
.drapely straight and long. with bias
band Of velvet; the apron drapc,l
nearly to the waist. with facing fold,
wide at the waist and narrowing to j,
point at the lower. I'd &c near the front.
Another has The low er skirt Of plaiG;
velvet, apron and vest Of plain cloth.
polonaise Of velvet. vi b pl;,in sleeves
and surplice front, with lower. see
ton in bo''ic' point; pain collar. .
Phitade phiu Record.
The Progress., 1889-02-23
Ruined by Too Mac, Money.


The carccrof young man r;,inrd
by too much money ended by suicide
III Kansas City recently. j l,.riling I,
large fortune from his faith /. who died
twenty years ago. he found himself
with nearly a ii illion do lars by the
rise in real-estatc yalltrs. Hcevident-
" thought this Was more money than
could possibly be spent. hut he did his
best to spAsd it, and was |: bic 10 grt
rid OF great quantity. Money loliiln
WAS a disuster al d a curse. a far
more valuable inheritance woull have
been u level llead and 4 willingness 10
20 10 work and be q all. Al it was,
gambling. liquor and Kindred vices
took possession Of his life to the {, ,xclu-
sion of all manhood, virtue and usef,,, :
ness. Nothing i'll his curecr In the
past few Years became hin, So much is
atllecnding Of it. The moral of it NJ
is that II young man may hive wors.,
luck than 10 b, poor and far better
luck thnn to be rich. rh1,cag S 1fail.
The Progress., 1889-02-23
An Extraordinary Suggestion.

NJ. Edward Weston. the electrician.
says: 1t is we'll known that the
nitrate OF amyl possesses the power Of
causing insensibility very quickly in a
human being breathing its fumes. The
effect IS equivalent temporarily to a
paralytic stroke. Now. nitrate of
amyl is very cheap and plentiful.
propose to fire shells filed with this
chemical instead Of gunpowder. It
will not be necessary to penetrate a
ship. a few gallons Of this nitrate
dashed on the deck of war ship
would render her crew helpless. The
most powerful ironclads would be
even more vulnerable than tho light
cru sers, for they would be sucking
down great draughts Of mir through
their artificial ventilators, and the
odor would thus rapidly penetrate the
whole ship. The whole crew being
rendered helpless for an hour or two,
the ship could, Of course. be towed in-
to a safe spot, while the captors ven
tiIa,ed her and removed the insensible
men. z Loaados Times. 3=s
The Progress., 1889-02-23
MEXICAN SACRIFICES.
How tho Aztecs senta Human Soul rs
Messenger to the Sun.

{ = : * {
How tho Aztecs Sent . Human Soul rs
Messenger to the Sun.
Upon this rock, III certain rcllg;o 81
festivals. the Mexicans sacrificed
human y.c i'm to whom they gave the
name Of Messenger 10 the S IN. .'sl
That primitive historian. FlthrrD ran,
tells us Ill about it. He says at til.
sound Of musical instruments they
brought forth All Indian from among
the pris soners taken III war. He was
surrounded by illuslrio Is nnb!emen,
Wlo painted his limbs red, with white
stripes. Half his f;,c., was painted red,
wliite plul, Q MAS glued ito his hair,
and OH his b cs was II le
bundle which held 4 few eagles
feathers, Jumps # ocllrc, piccas
OF gypsum. cantllcwood and
parchnents. In one hand he carried
Walking-si;ch. very gay with knots
and ties 0f leather and feathers of all
colors; in the other he bore u shield.
Witht five small bundles of cotton on ii.
They led him to the foot tf the Stair
case ascending 10 The temple. and
there, i'll loud voice so that all could
hear, they said to HIM: Sir. that which
we entreat thee is that thou dost go
before our god, the sun. and that OH
our behalf thou dost salute him, and
that thou dost tell him that his sons
and principle mobiles who remain her
supplicale him to remember them. and
that from his throne he doth favor
them and receive this small present
which they send him; and do ths u
and this shield for defense. and the
other things that thou earest in that
little bundle" The Indian. hearing
this address, answered what he pleas, d.
Then they united him and led him very
slowly up the great staircase toward
tho temple, making much delay at
ach step to give him fresh instruc-
!ions. Finally, arrived at the summit.
they placed him upon the rock
ClauhSicalli where h was compelled
shoot his message 10 the sun. Then
fonr ministers Of the sacrifice ascendcd
he four steps to the rock, removed
he cane. the shield and the little bum
lie which the victim bore. They seized
iii, by the hands and feet and held
him fast, while the high priest
came with knife in hand and cut the
victims throat, at the same time COM
| :nanding him to go with the message
o the true sun in another life. The
'looa drained into the bowl in the
center Of the rock and ran down a
channel cut at the side in front of the
| chambers wherein was kept the golden
mage # the sun. and the sculptured
mn on the face Of the rock was drench-
d III blood. When blood ceased to
'l"w tile high priest opened the cap
ives breast with his knife of obs,dian.
or volcanic glass, and plucked out the
warm heart which he presented with
nigh hand to the sun, holding it aloft
i'll it had ceased to drip AMI became
'"ld-Cor Troy en- ~ Times.
The Progress., 1889-02-23
BATHING SICK PERSONS.

One ofthe Recognized NJ ans of Lowering r
the Temperature.
A sick person should be batllet}
every day. unless for some special
reason |, lie doctor forbids it. The SIX II
can not properly perform its function
OF carrying off the waste matter from
the body unless its pores are kept open.
In fever. sponging with cold water is
one OF tho recognized means of lower-
ing the temperature. It is, therefore.
important to know how to give Il bath
to Il person in bed us easily speedily,
and # ,ctually rs possible. Before
beginning. every thing that will be
required should be placed ut the side
Of the bed. Two blankets are needed,
two towels. a basin of water Git the
bath is 0 be a warm one pitcher Of
hot water to replenish the basin). AMI
a sponge. If the bath is given
every day, soap is unnecessary; when
it is used q cloth should be sn INSTITUTED
for the sponge, as soap sloils tile lat
Ter. II the night dress and sheet are
to be changed, the fresh ones should
be put to air, and warm at the fire.
This precaution should never b ne
elected, rs damp linen might z We 4.
fatal chill.
Double the blankets end to end,
mtv., the patient to one 81 le of he
bed, push the bed clothes oward him..
Keeping him covered. antl, on tho
clcnred space, lay tile folded blankct.
draw the bed coverings over it, and
under heir shelter ,nov.. the patient
on it. Lay the second folded blanket
over the spreatl, and draw all
the bed -clothes from beneath it.
leaving the patient covered with
it alone. Remove the night dress.
squeeze th, sponge 50 that it
will not drip, and bathe the face.
neck and ears. wiping them carefully
af erward Pass the hand holding tlle
sponge under he blanket, aud wash
the arms. drying each as soon aslone;
then bathc The body and wipe it dry;
turn the patient on the side, and bathe
the back. ihen the legs to the knees;
turn again on the back and finish the
legs and feet. The points to be re.
membercd are not to expose the pa
tient to cold by letting the blanket slip
aside. not to wet too large surface
IT once, and to wipe thoroughly dry.
+ Replace the night dress and bed
Clothes, draw out the upper blanket,
move tho patientof the lower blanket
to dry. They will be damp. but not
wet, if the bath has been properly
given. .- Good housekeeping.
The Progress., 1889-02-23
CABLING TO BRAZIL.

The Travels of p Mes sage from New York
to Dom Pedro's Dominions.
In the general cable Office on Broad
street, the cable man was compl;t-
emily examining his mustache by the
sid Of a vest pocket mirror when !,
man walked in and said:
II want 10 send a cab.esram."
Where to?''
''Parn, Brazil. How mucfp'
'Ihre. dollars and forty-iive cents. y
Thr 8 ranger paused retlectively, anil
then suggested:
'Ynu allow ten words, / supposep''
''Ten tiddlesticks!'' retnrted the
cable man, Indignantly. ..You can
send as many lords as you like, but
you will pay $3 45 for eac:, and every
word. including address and sigma.
ture''
Great Heavcn!' shrieked the
stranger That's highway robbery!'
Not at all, = calmly returned tho
other, brushing an alleged bit of dus,
from his sleeve. On the contrary i.
is dirt cheap. You never sent a cheap.
ermessage in your life.
The astounding proposition pro.
Svoked the reply; Il should like ii
have you prove that statement =
Easiest thing in the world. And the
cable man reached for map. Sup
pose you send q ten-wortl message 4,
that rate; let us see where she goes.
First to New foundIand, and there gets
ready for q bath She jumps into the
Atlantic, and in less time than I cal.
say it. pops her head up off the Iii j,
coast. Here she takes a brcltl,
and dives southwark. She winks
at the Frenchman, throws i
Kiss to the lazy operator on the
sSn,anish coast, and brings up OF,
he Maslaira Islands. At the Cape
Verdes sho possibly takes little re-
treshment, Tor she has to swim the
Atlantic again this time westward.
Splash! The ripples haven't settled
off the G pc Vcrdes shore before she IS
''assing the time Of day with iii,
Btaz l:tns in Pernambuco. Anntl,er.
long breath. u last plunge. and tlM.
cable man IN P,ra calls out: Messing
ron, Nav York; Time, two hours
%. D.st,ncc, 8 900 miles.
Now, ST.. that message costs you
go "a - - ~
The Progress., 1889-02-23

ID
S34 40. or about two-fifths Of 9 cent
per mile. If you telegraph the same.
any. to Houston street. one mile, The
ten words will cost you fifteen cents
just thirty seven times as much Send
1t up BY messenger and you will pay
forty cents one hundred times as
much. Seep''
The stranger felt q little staggered,
and thoughtfully rubbed his nose.
Logic is logic, : said the cable man,
gracefully donning his business man
hers, like anew coat. .'Shall I sand
your messageP''
But the stranger said never q word.
He eyed the cable man sadly and
slowly walked away n ]. Easssisg
Sun.
The Progress., 1889-02-23

Correspondence bearing on the In
disn auesticn sblem, or on general
interest, is solicited.
The Progress., 1889-02-23

Terms, $500 a Year. In Advance.
The Progress., 1889-02-23
What Bothered Him.

Sam Jolnnsing happened to pay a
visitto the county jail !. few DAYS az !,
and who should he see inside the bars
but Gabe Snodgrnss.
How in de Worle. Cube. did yer pei
in darp' asked Sam J;,hnsi,,g.
= don i hodtler my llea d about dat
ar. how / gpt in heall. Hnw CT cit
out OBJ here is what ! wants Ter fnel
out - ler ,s Sifti,sqs
The Progress., 1889-02-23
An Englishhlan with !. mission ar

An Englishnlan with i missionary
spirit has issuo.t All appeal 10 evan
gelicals to provide ''drawing.room
meetings, = at which those who attend
should be required to wear evening
dress. I'VE dress to goout 10 dinner,
why should we not dress to read tile
Bible togetherP' is his original
theory.