The Wahpeton times., 1889-08-08
WORK OF THE WITS.

I WORK OF THE WITS.
A horse may pull with all his
might, but never with his mane.
The mother Of the moderngirisays
her daughter IL like q piece Of eheap
calico-shs won't wash. -
Westsrner-'Yes, cir, I beitsvs IL
b absolutely impossible to reform q
horse-thief." Easterney-s'Nothing
easier. Make q sailor Of him"
Education without experienes b Of
shout as much use to q maD a. q
lacs petticoat would be- to the wife Of
an Eskimo fisherman.
u would Seem So.-Ted-Is love
really blind? Ned-I suppose %.
You know fellow seldom goes to
zee his girl until its dark.
Whsn q river is bank full il the
time when q run is made on the,
bank. In the case of other banks
the run is made when the bank j.
about empty.
Poet-"I know now how Columbus
must have felt when he discovered
America" Editor-"How is that?''
Poet (gaily)-"Why, I've just found
q dime in my last summers suit.
A Chicago Quarrel. Lawyer Quib-
ble-"You a doctorp Why, you
couldn't cure a ham!' DR.. Sawbones,
-"And you, sir; you couldn't try
case of ard."-Puck.
He-"What made you start so?''
Shelf didn't hear you coming.
was wrapped in thought He.
"Well, that ought to makea pretty
comfortable costume these hot days" J"
Mr.. Bertie-t'Do you like the en-.
gagement ring, dearest?" Miss Ger
tie-"Yes, it is just splendid and so.
different from what the others have
given me. Epoch.
fa man is dead sure of anything
in this world he can gamble on it.
The trouble with the average man is
that he is not quite certain of what
he knows. 1t all depends upon
somebody else.
The latest medical pronunciamen-
to is that smoking after meals is in
furious. Since it is already estab-
lished that smoking before meals is
injurious, the only refuge is to stop
eating.-Pitsburg Dispatch.
Aboy ina publicscho ol, on beingas-
ked to define the word responsibility,
said: "Well, my trousers have got
two buttons on; II one should come
of the other would be respon-
sible for the trousers"
Foreman-t'I want to employ q
good strong man to wheel brick.
Haveyou been engaged in work that
would harden your muscles?" Appli-
cant-"Yes, sir. I've been employed
in Wheeling West Virginia. ."-Oma-
ha World.
Wibble-"What do you think of
this idea of adopting the sunaower
as the national fower?'' Wabble-
pretty good idea, I think. It is
typical of quite a numerous class OF
Americans. 1t makes q big spread
all summer, and is seedy in the fall"
Ground for Doubt-Prospective
Tourist-I'm going west because l
have reason to believe that it's a
great place to settle in. Returned
Tourist-1'm not so sure of that. I
lived there ten years myself, and never
paid bill while was there.
OfLittle Consequence-1ll sue you
for $4,000, you scoundrel! cried
old Brown; "you'vedrawn the wrong
TOOTH" "Dont grow excited about
q little thing of that kind - returned
the little dentist; s'it will cost you
only five dollars to have it put back.
"What do you think of a man who
will bury two childrenin themorning
and go to ball game in the after
noon?" asked a well-known Joker of
q party of friends in an uptown re-
sort one evening. "He's brute"
was the answer. Then oil wanted to
know who he was. can undertaken"
was the reply.
"Now, boys" asked the miser, as
twelve pairs of eyes gazed hungrily
ut the steak over which he invitinglv
held the knife and fork. show many
ofyou will takea nickle and go to
bed without any supper?" With
visions of tops, marbles and similar
attractions, there was ready
chorus of ''I's," but; alas for their
brighthued dreams! In the morning
refreshed by sleep, their appetites
whetted to q ravenous degree. the
old man asked. "And now, who will
give five cents for.his breakfast?"