The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1889-02-07
Northern Views Of Southern
Scenes-Notes No. 3.
Hot SPRINGS, Ark, ian. 20.


cation and habits of life is rather pc
culiar. The city is founded upon a
rock in the midst of wilderness.
No necessity ever existed for locat
ing a city in such place. 1t was
conceived in sin and born in iniquity.
There were but two elements that
entered into its construction, namely,
wind and water, with preponder
ance of the former. 1t has subsisted
IN the past, in the present, and will
in the future upon the same elements.
These elements constitute the city's
entire source of supply. and as long
as credulous public are willing to
pay cash for the use of said elements
the city will survive, and no longer.
One thousand citizens of the town
may be found who are willing to
swear by all the Gods of Mythology
that this city contains at this time
ten thousand local residents. Every
bath house proprietor, rubber and
runner are willing to swear by the
same authority that there are 1900
foreign invalids in the city at this
date, taking treatment. AS matter
of fact, their statements are 50 per
cent. wind and 50 per cent. water, all
of which the boy offers in proof of
his previous promises. There are
three hundred physicians in this city,
each employing from one to five So
liCitOrs or sleuth hounds to hunt the
game and run in the victims, who
whack up in the spoils.
There are also hundred hotel and
boarding house proprletors, with a
phalanx of one thousand runners and
operatives; also ninety druggists and
two hundred clerks, one hundred sa-
lOonists, one hundred butchers and
bakers, five hundred merchants and
groCers, one hundred jewellers and
crystal peddlers, and four wishee-
washee heather chinee, all individu-
ally and collectively, each for him.
self, without extra compensation, are
willing to make oath upon the bible,
the ConfuCian oraCles, or any other
sacred relic, that the Thermic water
of this city does contain certain min
erals not held by any other water,
and that the combination SO formed
is sure remedy for every
III that human flesh is heir to. In
the presence of such an array of tes-
tim ~ the boy makes a pause, rubs
his ear, and listens and imagines
that he hears the voice of one cry
ing in the wilderness and saying:
The citizens of this city have proved
their case beyond all question! down
thou soothless Inspector There are
two sides to the subject. The affirm
alive have testified and rest their
case; but upon Cross-examination
the boy finds that each and every
witness for the affirmative is an in
terested party, whose testimony must
be taken with mental reservation. 1t
is said that in the city of Sodom
seven righteous persons were found,
and an equal per cent. may be found
in this city. The boy will call a
hundred, more or less, from the no.
tells and place them on the stand,
and PROFOUND the following ques-
tons to each and all: Have you
each and all had sufficient experience
with the use of the thermic water of
this city to be able to give an intelli
gent opinion in regard to its merits
as remedial agent for all manner of
human disease? Ans. Yes. Have
you each and all been materially
benefited or completely cured of
your several maladies by the use of
the thermic water Ans. No.
The boy will now call up one hun
dred witnesses for every month in
the year, during the last 20 years,
each and all gentlemen and ladies of
honor, whose testimony cannot be
impeaChed, who have visited the
springs at an average expense of
$500 Twenty-four thousand wit
nesses at an aggregate expense of
S48o,ooo. The boy will PROFOUND
the above questions to them individ.
ually and collectively and will re-
ceive the same answers. This is
sufficient to impeaCh the citizens tes.