The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-09-04

Depth of heart and purse revealing;
Each inspired with gentle horror
Lest the other should pay for her,
But take note-the more insistent
OF the combatants persistent,
She whose hand most promptly catches
At her pocket-book's stiff catches,
She who murmurs: "Don't be strange, dear,
It's all right. I've got the change, dear
She-though am sad to say it.
Always lets the other pay i'll
-Bufdlo Courier
BEE-TRoTHAL naturally creates a buzz
in society and quite as naturally leads to a
honeymoon Binghamton Republican.
IT puzzles us to know why the mouth is
always so moist when there is such an ex-
cellent roof over it.-Binghdmton Repubh-
can.
If sixty geometrical miles make one de-
gree, how long would it take an ocean
steamship to acquire a college fellowship
Puck.
EVERY person is more or less attractive,
although some don't seem to attract any
thing more desirable than flies Binghon.-
ton Republican.
THE amount of brandy taken by some
men is out of all proportion to the size of
the collie they are entertaining. -Ndrthd's
Vineyard Herald.
A CORRESPONDENT suggests that John L.
Sullivan's bust be placed on the new two
licked.-W val Street NeCS.
THE compositor who was required to set
up " cold horror then my vitas froze" and
made it read :" my victuals," etc, is now en-
joying vacation in company with the proof
reader.-New York Herdld.
A JAPANESE illusionist, named Yank, Hoe
is delightng New Workers with his tricks at
! the Union Square theater We should
! think Yank Hoe might be useful man on
! a farm.-Sprinqfeid Union.
CLARA: "What terrible noise that
| wagon makes. George: Yes, it's dread
full, isn't it?" What makes it groan SOP"
George" Why, it is filed with green
apples. - Yonkers Statesman.
IT is now generally admitted by those
who " have been abroad" that it is better to
be porous plasterer to the queen than to
dwell in the tents of wckedness until the
cows come home.-Ne,c York Herdid
UNTIL we made careful research lately
and discovered that some of the apostles
were fishermen, we took considerable stock
in their sayings. Now we class them with
Associated Press spondents-LdWrence
| american.
IF there is any law to prevent citizen Of
this commonwealth from shooting a howl
ing dog or boot-jacking singing cat between
the Silly hours of one and three A. NJ, it
ought to be wiped off the statute books
Br0ckton Enterprise
LET joy and perspration be unconfned
Down with the cheap and nasty cotton
shirt all stiffness, starch and sickness and
that unspeakable, atrocious, vile, abom-
nable, cruel and unbearable garrote, the
linen collar.-NarysrWe appeal.
STRANGER; "Did pedestrian pass this
way few minutes ago?' Granger: I" No,
sor, I've been right out ter this later patch
fer more'n a mower, and hotter blamed
thing has passed 'cept one solitary man an
he was trampin erlong on foot'-Tjme.
THE August Century contains advice
" How to Act when Bitten by Rattle
snake We knew an actor once who was
bitten by a rattlesnake, and he hasn't been
able to act any since. We doubt about this
advice helping him any.-Ter SUtingS.
1T was very thoughtless in your father
to intrude so abruptly" Clara: " He is not
thoughtess at all, George. You see my ell
der sister lost her breach of promise suit by
not having an eyewitness, and poor pa had
to pay the costs and lawyers fee himself
Terds Sftings
A BRIGHT boy at Nahant came to town on
Wednesday to see the president, and on his
return was asked what he thought of him.
well" replied the young republican, 81
was disappointed. There's a man in Lynn
who looks more like Mr.. Harrison than he
does himself" -BoSton Herald.
CUSTOMER 81 want to get mixed suit
What have you got in that line?" Pro-
prietor; &C hat pants from PENNSYLVANIA;
hat vests from Vest Virginia; L hat collars
from Colorado; | hat coats from Dakota; |
hat neckties from Connecticut! Mixed
suits vas my specially. "-Puck.
Do not swear. There is no occasion for
it outside of a printing-ofice. 1t is useful
in proof-reading and Indispensable in get
ting forms to press, and has also been
known to assist in looking over the paper
after it is printed, but otherwise it is a very
disgusting habit Waterloo Observer.
THE petrfed arm of prehistoric giant
was unearthed recently on a farm of j. H
Male near Kearney, Neb. The hand was
lightly clasped. A young son of Mr.. Male,
J while playing with the curiosity broke off
the fingers of the hand and nine large dia-
| monds of the purest water and large as
lima beans, fell out.
On George" she murmured 81 know
! you are strong and will protect me, yet
even now, as we recline in this swinging
: hammock | am surrounded by fear"
= Fear, my darling?" said George De
Romelyy, What fear can surround you?'
Atmosphere, she chuckled, and the ham,
mock broke down TO punish her.-LdlCrence
= american.
! SHE Speak out, Mr. Prudence, if you
have anything to say" He; No, thank
, you. There's photograph hid under the
! center table, your little brother is under the
sofa, the hired girl is listening at the key
/ hole and your mother is looking over the
a transom. The only thing that restrains me
P is my uOunt as 10 tne whereabouts OF your
, father. ~ Toronto Truth.
CIGARETTES, despite the denunciatons of
physicians, are more popular than ever.
; 4" Tobacco" states that there were manu-
4 featured in the year ended June 30, 1889,
G | the enormous humber of 2,15l 5l5,360
= cigarettes an increase over the previous
year of 2SS,7S9,l 60. When the small boy
buys anything he does it with WILL from
e hrecrackers to cigarettes
! is your father coming to church this
/ morning, Henry" asked the minister of a
= small boy whom he met on the street. Il
guess So" replied Henry. " Somebody
stole his fishing tackle last night, and |
5 heard him tell ma at the breakfast table this
t morning that his fun for to-day was spoiled
/ and he s'posed he might as well go to
church, "-NorriStolCn Weekly.
: NEIGHBoR 81 understand your son is
! home from college. | s'pose he's up in
everything" Farmer Smythe: You're
: just right. He's upstairs in bed most of the
i day, but if you'll come around in the evenin
: about the time I'm dom the chores you'll
n see him ont there in the front yard with a