Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-09-12
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.

FLEET Men-Sailors.
The pale of society-The blondes.
A MAN runs and gets warm. Butter
gets warm and runs.
NOBODY objects because the church
,rgan goes off on q toot every Sun.
day.
"THE strongest kind of table is the
onion" said Noodle. THE onion isn't
3 table. retorted Squibbs. Yes, it is
too. It's vegetable"
LITTLE RoGER-Uncle John, I heard
papa say you got pretty we'll soaked last
night. Did it rain very hard? Uncle
John with sickly smile)--I don't
exactly remember, Roger; 1 know I was
dry enough early in the evening.
WHE-Mr. Blower, you've always
claimed to be q man of push, haven't
you? Husband-That's what I claim
to be, dearest; and I'm always ready
to stand by that assertion. Wife-Then
what's the matter with pushing this
baby carriage little, precious?
PRISONER at the bar" said the
Judge, "is there anything you wish to
say before sentence is passed upon you ?"
NO, there is nothin' 1 care to say; but
if you'll clear away the table and
benches long enough for me to thrash
my lawyer you can give me year or two
extra"
Now, JOHNNIE, can you tell me what
faith is? You remember l explained it
to you last Sunday" Faith is belief
in things unseen" Right; now give
NE an illustration of the meaning" Il
believe der boys are havin' great ball
game in der churchyard, but der win
dows is SO high 1 can't get squint at
dem."
Miss Lulu STRIKE Ito lawyer)-I
want to bring legal action against a
monster who has trampled on my af-
fections. Lawyer-Ah, yes, that's
natural, very. At how much do you
estimate the damages to your lacerated
feelings? Miss Strike-Well, he's
worth one hundred and fifty thousand
dollars.-Puck.
"THAT's a queer headline in the pa
per" said Mrs. Schoeppenstedt. Lost,
Fortune and Wife" L wonder
which he missed the most ?" "The for
tune, probably" said Mr.. Schoeppen-
stedt, heartiessly. IF he had the wife,
it would be hard for him to get another
fortune, but if he had q fortune, he could
easily get another wife"
MIRANDA-Maud Binks has been
awfully compromised. Do you know
she was found in the parlor reading one
of Zola's novels? Misunderstanding!
Perfectly disgraceful. Miranda
Wasn't it scandalous? Amanda
never thought it of her. By the way,
do you think she would lend it to me?
Miranda-She has lent it to me, dear,
but when l have read it I think you can
borrow it.
AT recent wedding in humble life
in Manchester, the officiating clergy
man, young curate, new to the work,
not only insisted on reading every word
of the service, but increased its length
by the majestic deliberation of his de-
livery. The bridegroom, sporting
fidgetty as the ceremony proceeded. At
last the cause was revealed. Nudsing
the clerk by the elbow, he said, in
whisper that could be heard all over
chancel-I say. tell your governor to
cut it short, will zee. I've got the cab
by the hour.
well" said Uncle Hiram, who used
to belong to a singing club in his early
days, Il never heard a woman play
like that woman we heard in Boston
that night. 1t was Just awful. My
ears ache even now" YES" replied
his nephew; she was rather loud, that's
a fact. But then her execution"
"Georgep exclaimed the old gentle
man, as he seized his newhew by the
arm, you don't mean to say that they
went SO far as that? Well, 'tisn't for
me to Judge them. I only heard her
once. 1t seems terribie-a woman, too /;
but then they had to listen to her every
night. And they won't have to hear
her again. Perhaps it is all for the
best, George. "-BOston Transcript.
JUST NOW.
We want our clothing very thin
From morn to night our brows are beaded
The oysters out, the clam Is in |
Except in chowders where tbs needed.
The woods are full Of pesky ants |
The summer girls are dressed like fairies,
And men who love stiff stimulants
Now wink at the apothecaries.
Boston Courier.
Tho TvialS 0f a Travalar