Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1889-07-11
HE HAD A GREAT FALL.
Humpty. Dumpty and His Medical Ad-
visers.
Vanity Fair.l

feeling rather sore, said to himself, "Now
I will 60 and see doctor, who will cure
me at once" So he put on his hat and
walked along until he came to street of
large houses On the doors of these houses
were brass plates and behind these brass
plates were the doctors who cured every
thing Then he walked up to one of them
and knocked at the door and rang a bell
marked PROFESSIONAL" to chow that he
| had come on business, as he had had a fall
and felt soc, and anted to be made well
| again. presently the door was opened, and
| Humpty-Dumpty was shown into a wait
| ing g-roOm, where there were two or three
others who scowled at him for coming into
the room, and went on pretending
to read the daily paper and last years
| Punch. After a long time he was shown
into the doctors private room, and said
"Please, doctor. have had fall, and am
sore, and l want to be made we'll" Now,
this doctor was an ear specialist, so he took
tube and looked down his ear, and said
he could see it quite plainly. Then he
said, Have you the ear ache?" None at
ALL" aid Humpty-Dumpty. "Ah," said
the doctor, you will have it the day after
tomorrow. These falls are dangerous
things, but we will do our best. l will
prescribe lotion which you must pour in
at one ear and let it run out of the other.
Then stuff them up with cotton wool, and
keep in a quiet room, away from all noise,
and come and see me again as soon as you
feel worse" Then Humpty Dumpty paid
his two guineas and went away jOyfully to
the chemist.
Presently he said te himself, perhaps,
after ALL this man doesn't understand my
case" So he went to another door, and in
due time was shown in to another doctor.
Again he said that his name was Humpty-
Dumpty, and had had fall. But this
doctor was throat specialist, 80 he put a
looking glass on the back of his neck and a
long feather down his throat, which tickled
him so much that he had fit of coughing.
'Ah," said the doctor, II see it all nav.
The AIRY glottidean epiblast is is sadly
suppressed state" Now, when Humpty
Dumpty heard that his epiblast was
wrong he thought it was all up with
him. and that he should never
again be able to indulgesin his favorite pas
time of sitting on a wall. But l don't
feel anything wrong in my throat" he said
family. "Wait a Bit" said the doctor,
and you will see how l shall bring it out
in the course of a week or so. l will pre-
scIibe you a vapor, which you must inhale,
and as soon as you feel choky, insufia.e
this carminative powder, and call here
every morning in order that may apply
some luminous paint" Then Humpty-
Dumpty paid his two guineas and went off
to the chemist
Perhaps" thought he, 'this time, also
my case has been mistaken, so l will try
again" And he went off to another house
little further on, where he found several
ladies, all looking extremely ill, and the
must be in the abode of a ladies' doctor
and that these were the victims. He at
once seized his hat and ran out of the
house before any one could catch him, and
arrived, breathless and perspiring, on the
doorstep of mansion with brass plate,
on which the name OF Sir Monger Pill was
inscribed Now" thought Hmpty
Dumpty, II shall be right at
last" So he went in, and before he
could speak Sir Monger said: Dear me,
bad case, indeed. Breathing rapid, pers-
piration copious, pulse bounding" because
he did not know that Humpty-Dumpty
had just escaped from ladies' doctor.
Lucky you found me at home," said he,
and wrote prescriptions for draughts and
pills and told him to call again in three
days. Then he said he must be off, so
so Humpty -Dumpty paid him two guineas
and told the story of his fall to the butler
instead, who told him he ought to see
surgeon.
Off then he went to Mr.. Sniker Snee, and
told all about himself Mr.. Snee said that
it was a very serious case, that 1t might
have been better and could have been
worse, and that he must wear plaster
of-paris jacket, with an iron bar down his
spine, for three years in order to get better.
So Humpty-Dumpty went home and felt
very sad, and made his will Then he
thought he would try and eat some din
ner, and have glass Of champagne to
keep up his spirits. After dinner he felt
so much better that he amused himself by
putting all the pills and medicines in a
row. and thinking which he should begin
on. But as he meditated he fell asleep,
and when he woke up in
the morning he had quite forgotten about
his fall He found, however, that his pet
dog had eaten the pills and expired, and
that the landlady's cat had eaten plaster
and gone into fit Later on, the miasma
which was exhaled from the floor led to
the taking up Of the boards. Underneath
them were found the bodies of the rats
and mice who had perished from sponta-
neous combustion owing to their having
taken an ointment. So Humpty-Dumpty
never allowed himself to be i'll again for
fear that he should share the fate of the
poor animals, and he lived happily ever
afterwards.