The Washington critic., 1889-04-29
SATAN.s IuIuE.


An old negro, muttering angrily, was
walking along q road when white man,
who happened TO be standing near, over
heard him.
"What's the matter, simmons" the
white man asked. The negro halted, shook
his head and replied;
"Good deal dc matter, sir. I'm gwipe
up yander to whip old Toney,"
"What has he doneY"
"Neber mine, know whut he's done.
Neber did see de like in my life. You
know dat niggerf"
ssYes.n
"Knows he's bout de bigges' drunkard
In de 'munity, doan your
"Yes, know he drinks.p
"Yas, sab; reckon he does. Now Pm
gwine ter put my plant right befo' you.
Some time ergo stopped drinkin' licker
] swore dat would stick ter water de rest
o. my life. Dat worked all right till yis-
tidy.n
"what occurred then ~
"W'y, sah, dc frcshet washed my house
erway.n
"well, but what did old Tony have to do
with itY'
"wait till ! tell you. De water ooulder
waehcd erway his house Jest ez easy es IL
did mine, but no, sab, It whipped round
an cotch me. Yere rs been er tempunce
man fur five year, an dat triflin' scounel
has been drunk putty nigh ever day, but
de water had ter skip him an wash my
house erway, an da tell me dat wien he
foun' out de fack he tuck his pipe outen his
mouf, tuck er drink o. Ticker outen er black
bottle, an says, he did, 'po' feller, he
oughter built his house somewhar up on er
mountain. Dang'us putin II down so
close ter de water. Pity, too, Gaze he's
sicher good tempunce pusson.' Dat's whut
de scounel said. His house standin' dar
all right, mine dun washed .erway. He
drinkin' ticker all de time, Inc drinkin'
water. Me tryin' ter preach de gospel an
dc word an de saints an de garden o. de
'Semipy; he fghtin' chickens AM shootin'
craps an handlin' dc paste-boa'ds. Wen
] thought erbout all this says to merse'f.
Simmons, you aint been treated right n
dis matter. Ef you doan go up
yander AM whup dat Niger,
you amt got no true 'ligion in yo' soul
an no nerve in yo' body So rs on my
way up dar now ter gin dat nigger de wuss
wollerin' er scounul eber got in dis yere
worr. Doan talk ter me, sah doan try ter
'suade me agin takin' dis yere step o. jes-
tice, but ef you wants to yare suthin' dat'll
SCUM like er houn' dog dat's shet up in er
smokehouse wild er man dat got er hickory
sproutt, jest hol yo' year in dis direck-
He walked on, muttering as he went. The
offending negro lived but a short distance
away, and the white man soon heard noises
that sounded as If some one were beating
wheat with lail, and not long afterward
old Simmons came running down the road.
His hat was gone and his coat hung In
shreds.
"Have you killed him ?" the white man
asked.
Simmons stopped, looked back, shook
his head and replied:
"Dar's suthin' wraung in de 'rangements
o. dis yere life. Went up dar ter whup dat
Digger-went wild jestice on my side-but
now look at me Amt ut fur er skeercrow
Amt fit fur nuthin but kyarpet rags an
soap. grease. foun' de scounnul standin'
out at de fence, smokin', an wien tole
him whut come after he put his pipe on
de gate-post. Den yered suthin' hit de
groun'. 1t wuz me. 'Hor onl s'I, 'hol
on We aint got dis thing opened up
right Kcr whop he tuck me. tried
| ter grab him in dc eyes. Look yere. Got
dis thumb in his mouf. Choked me down
and got my years full o. sam. How is Ell
man gwine ter preach de gospul wild his
| years full o. sam, I'd like ter know"
"Why didn't you hit him ~
"How ! gwine ter hit him when de
scounnul wouldn gin me er chance? De
| greedy rascal jes' grabbed ever chance he
seed. How gwine hit him when he had
bofe my hams ground down under me
| How gwine hit him when he wuz er set
tim er-straddleio' me pourin' SAM in my
! year like II wuz nuthin' but er blame fun.
mel. You talk like er man dat amt got nc
| Judgment. Come akin me why didn't
hit him! You muster been raised way of
| ysnder whar dc COWS would git lost,
"What are you going to do about II
Are you going to law9"
"No, sab, Pm gwine right down yandel
ter dat ticker shop an git or drink, dat,
whut I'm gwinc ter do. Oh, ef you gwint
ter fight Satan you halter drink some o
Satan's Juice. You wait, an you'll yert
dat houn' holler yit."-[Opie p. Read IN
Arkansaw Traveller