The Columbus journal., 1889-01-16
MIR. STATISTIC.

Il was some time after midnight when.
weary with overwork and all a-f1uttei
with nervousness caused by too close ap.
plisat:on to the task Of smoking my
twenty five cigars a day, l climbed the
rickety stairs Of my tenement and opened
tile cr:itims door Of my apartment on
tho top iiMr. In the dark ! felt around
cn the table for match. None was
there.
"N;cn. can 60 to besl without light.' ~
! ti,.n:"l,t. and prus,cded to remove my
clothing.
w:s rearly ready for bed when
thoac..t heard noise es of some one
hr,.t!iins heavily. stood very still and
listened as icst l could against the
tlsum:,inCs Ct my frightened heart. Yes,
heard breathing. and tine breather was
in Iny rtsil.
am never too courageous in the dark.
not even when my nerves are calmest.
There is always feeling in my soul that
some unearthly creature is close behind
me. often feel his warm breath ON the
bacE of my neck, and when l do not
have the same feeling that he is there
imps,lpa5lc. unassailable a. the thin air,
but there just the same. Now that my
nerves were unstrung and my mind f:-
tig,sed with working over an intricate
and elusive problem in mathematical
cryptOgraphy I was even less courageous
than usual. The breathing went on. l
feared should lose my reason. lsecmed
transfixcd where l stood. Nothing but
my heart moved, and that pounded so
loudly that feared it would wake the
breatlier: for made no doubt that he
was asleep. since his breathing was al
most light snore.
| must find q match. I remembered
that had felt through all my pockets
in vain fer one with which to light my
last cigar. and had finally taken fire
from the cigar of a man l had met on
the street. drew hard ut the stump,
which still held between my teeth-for
l always smoke myself to sleep-but it
was out: out and cold.
Softly as could move in my stock
inged feet l sneaked over to the table
and made another search for matches.
In my mind l Laid the table top off in
three inch squares, and then placed my
hand on every square, one after another,
until ! was sure no match was there.
This occupied my mind 80 fully that
some of my fear was allayed. Fears do
not stay in the busy mind. became
even bold enough to think of putting on
some of my clothing and going down
stairs for q match.
turned from the table, but as I did SO
struck the loose leg of it in such way
as 10 throw it out of place. A crash OF
glass announced to me that as the table
had toppled over the lamp had been de-
stroyed.
What's that? Who's theres' The
voice, as of some one waking in fright.
came from t!e corner farthest from the
door. Ny first impulse was to run out
Of the room, but my first impulse is usu-
ally wrong. am naturally unlucky.
The thing / would do most naturally is
the thing most likely to bring mo mis-
fortune. have, therefore, habituated
myself to doing just what my impulse
tells me not to do. But for this should
have been dead long ago.
"Ah," said the voice more calmly, 81
must have fallen asleep"
This reassured me.
"Who are your" asked, and the sound
of my own voice seemed to put courage
into my heart. "What are you doing
here?' l added before my first question
could be answered.
Il am Mr.. Statistic, and I have been
waiting here for you since supper time"
lido not recognize you by your name"
l said, land l cannot recognize you by
your face, since I cannot see it.
"Well," said he, sit doesn't matter.
We can talk as well in the dark"
"What do you wish to talk about" !
asked.
II want to prove to you that am not
crazy. The world says am insane; but
it is the world, not /, that has lost its
reason. am sound. That is why
everybody is trying to kill me. They
put poison in my food, they lay snares
for me, they shoot at me, and send de-
mons to torment me, merely because they
are jealous of my sanity. But fight
them of, and ono Of these days, when l
feel just like it, I am going to kill them
all of; and I've got o big knife right here
In my belt and q pistol in my pocket, and
poison all over enough to kill every.
body"
Ny fear was now of q tangible sort.
Ghosts and goblins flew away and a real
human being with implements Of death
confronted me. began to think Of cum
ming things to do. Every time spoke l
quietly changed my location. SO that If
he shot at NE or struck at me with his
knife should not be there.
You cannot see me, 30 must tell you
what look like" he continued. 'Just
now l am a little, gray haired man. about
FIVE feet four inches tall, thin of features
and very feeble. My eyes are steel gray
and my brows are shaggy and long.
That is the way look now. can change
myself, though. l can make myself
eleven feet tall and stronger than Her
cules or Samson. can throw down
buildings and carry mountains away"
II am glad Of thak" said, for surely
l must humor him. 81 am glad of that,
and l wish you would come around to-
morrow and see me. I've got some
mountains want moved, and I'd be
glad to give you the contract" Then !
slid over to another part of the room.
can move them and l can move |
worlds, too. I've got a string tied to
every star and to the sun and moon.
can do anything want to-"
"Well, you're just the kind of a man
I've been wanting to take into partner
ship with me-" said. "Couldn't YOU
come up tomorrow when it IL light? We
will make out the articles of agreement"
II can zee now. lean see in the dark. |
And that isn't all I can do. I can make |
6 Light. I can bring the sun right into |
his room, and stand it up there in the |
lir. Now, you see. Therei Don't you
zee how light it is nowY' !
had to see it. should probably have
had knife run right through me if
lad not
"And yet, said I, ''there are fools who
all you crazy?'
"Yes, sir; there are. That's what I |
:ame up here to talk about. want to
how you how sane l am. Now, listen q
How long do you say it takes
woman to friz her front hairy
"About ten minutes"
"At what age does she begin to friz
,er hairy'
"Well. her mother usually begins to
10 it up over her finger or in papers when
he is about q year old" replied.
Exactly. Well. now. a woman frizzes
aer hair every day, doesn't shey'
II think she does"
"Of course she does. And the average
ife of q woman ISL