Sacramento daily record-union., 1889-09-08
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
r navy is poor but proved.


The New York convict who is con-
demned to die by electricity has no such
voting ambition.
Pedestrian Ito applicant for charity
go shoot yourselfw Guzzle, the Tramp
(sadly)-"I amt loaded"
Temperance Lecturer s'Friends, how
can we stop the sale of liquor ?" Milligan
(in rear of hall)-"Give it away"
Some men are heavy at fighting,
While others make wonderful walkers;
But the barber is boss you may bet a hoss
When he gets in among takers.
There is always room at the top-and
when small man gets there he only
serves to set off the surrounding va
cancy.
McFingle-"What a volcanic disposi-
tion Mike O'Hara hasl" McFangle-
mo wonder; he was brought up on the
'craythur.'
Mrs. Cobwiggar-"My husband, Pm
sorry to say, is man of very little taste"
Cora-"That must be real nice for YOU. for
l heard ma say your cooking was dread
full"
A shoemaker hung out new sign and
then wondered what passers-by found so
amusing. His sign read as follows:
Don't go elsewhere to be cheated. Walk
in here"
Bobby (at the table)-"Ma, chuck me
piece of bread" Mother (shocked)-
Bobby, is that the way to ask for bread ?''
Bobby (guiltily)-"Chuck me a piece of
bread, please"
When old Columbus with his ships
About our country hovered
Each Indian maid with spr ghtly grace
Skipped from the surfy bathing place
And cried with wonder.stricken face:
Great Heavens were discovered
Mrs. Fondwife-"Yes, i have a secret
for making my husband happy. add
something to his cares and that diminishes
them" Mrs. Giggle-"0, do tell me
what it is" Mrs. Fondwife-"I add an
s."
"Who are they putting that statue up
for ?" Citizen-"Thats the statue of
James Brown Smith" "Did he do any
thing great or wise while he lived ?"
"Yes, he paid for the statue before he
died"
A Jersey City policeman having offered
his hand to young lady, which was re-
fused, he arrested her. "What is the
charger" asked the Sergeant at the sta
tion-house. Resisting an offer, sir" was
the reply.
Cohen-"Vy vas you standing up by
dot letter-box so long, Jacob? ?' Lowenstein
81 vas got CLAIM against the Govern
ment, Abraham. My clerk put two stamps
on a letter by mistake, und wait for dot
carrier to fix it
1t reflects very little to the credit of
Boston, the alleged seat of culture and let
tiers of this country, that Sullivan, the
slogger, should be prominently mentioned,
and in good faith, too, as probable candi-
date for the Mayorship.
A visitor from Philadelphia got SO
dreadfully scared when attempting TO cross
Broadway, New York, during the after
noon rush, that he took Sixth avenue
train to the South Ferry, and the came up
town on one Of the east-side lines.
Miss Gladys Herbeau-"Its not for my
property you love me, is it, George? You
love me for myself alone?" Mr.. Hermann
-"Yes, darling" Miss Gladys Herbeau
-"For my real worth?n Mr.. Hermann
"Yes, dear. Real and personal" l"-LiJe.
at is pretty safe to assert that no edu-
Gated person can be said to read Sunday
paper of sixteen or twenty-fou pages; all
that he does is to look at the headlines
and dip in here and there" says Colonel
Higginson in recent number of Harpe's
Bdzdr.
Nurse (reading arabian Nights")- =
"And when the fishermen opened the bottle
there was rushing sound, and the fisher
man fell on his knees before the awful
Djinn." Tommy Sozzle (aged 6)-"He
wasn't much Of fisherman to be afraid of
CHM Fizz.'
"Yes; that's it" angrily exclaimed Mr..
Simpson, always debating about what you
will wear" "But, dear,n she responded
pleasantly, al always know what you will
wear" "You do, eh? Well, what?D "a
jag, dearie." Is marriage failure or is it
not ?-Denrer Times.