davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
BRIGHT BITS

HUSBAND (sarcastically )-What were you when
| married your
Wife-A fool.-Epoch.
DAsHwooD-I am going TO do something noble
and get my name in the papers
Merrtt-lt that's VIVA you're after you ii
have to do something baI.-HdrDer's Bazar.
PoRFEssoR-How long can person live with
out brains?
Stuient-I don't know. How old are your
NeW York Eveninq SUI
De DUMMY accidentally running into stranger)
-Oh-aw, Beg pardon.
Won Grumpy (grow lngJ-Beg pardon your
SELF sir.-JuG1e.
OLD MoNEYRAGGs (at the altar with Miss De
PrIde'-With my worldly goods thee en-
dow.
REJECTED SuitoT lin back pew)-Hear, hear
Ael0 York Weekly.
AN OLD LADY on the west side, reading about
con 1ress man altar c, rushed to the kite EN-
door shouting: MARY Ann, Mary ana, don't
you leave the clothes out all night mind, tell
you, for there is q Congressman at large.-Chj-
cdJo NGtiOnG!.
GLADYS rusively}-O, Uncle Joe. the gypsy
VIII toll my fortune says l am to marry
nObemdn.
Uuc!e Joe-Well, let's hope for the best. You
may die you know.-Tme.
FILKINs lin the cemetery)-Joblot designed
his own monument, didn't he?
Eilkins-YeS. What made you think so?
Filh s-The inscrlptioI Not dead, but
Sic ping" Jobl 1t would never up to
anythlng-not even death.-MnSey's Weekly
AIN;IE-I had such shock last evening.
Just as started to 90 into the house a great,
horrld man jumped out from behind tree and
tried to Aiss me. What do you think of that?
Mamie think it was the most cauS-leSs and
uncalsd-for thing 1 ever heard of.-Teyre
Haul Express
NOT FOR KEEPs.-Jones-Tm going to give
up the use of tobacco in any form.
Brown--Nonsense! You know you haven't
enough backbone to do 50.
JOnes-Haven't |, though? Well, you Just ask
my wife If | ha emit done so a score of times
Omaha World Herald,
NASH
How are you treat me thus?" he wrote.
You saucy little shrew!
To call me small potatoes Just
Because I'm mashed on you"
She seized the pen in wilful mood
And these lines off she dashed:
THE smaller the p tatoes are
The easier they re mashed"
-WlikeSborre Leader
WILLIE gazing with undisguised interest at
one of the guests)-What funny people take
their mers at this restaurant, papa! Look at
that man over there eating his soup. Every
time he swallows n mouthful he drops his chin
and wabbles his ton ue out, and mases motions
as il he we're trying to swallow himself What
is the matter with hm? .n
Willie Fataer Qoo%iny a moment at the
painful spectacle--H? is a man, MY son, who
has atoy parted with long muStlche, and is
ulable to convince himself yet that it's gone-
Chicago Tribune.
HAVE you ever watched the wa
OF two women over car fare?
Each ahame with generous
d pth # heart and purse re,
Each inspired with gentle nor.
Lest the other should pay for Il
But take note-the more insste
or the combatantS persistent.
She whose hand most promptly suatches
AT her pocketooOk's stiff catches,
She who murmurs, 'Dou't be strange dear
It's all ri hit, I've got e change, dear!''
She-thouSh l am sad to say it
Always lets the other pay it!
-BuGGlo Courier.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31

A day or two ago there were indications
that the great strike in London was about
to come 10 an end. Our dispatches tins
morning, however, show that the differ
ences between the strikers and their en-
ployers are not yet adjusted, and that a
great mass meeting has been called for to-
morrow.
There is no record Of a greater strike than
this. As many as l5O, 900 men are engaged
in it. 1t is not at all improbable that other
workingnen will be induced to take part in
it, a ID that before settlement is reached
there will be trouble Of a very serious
charac er.
o ly few of the strikers have a grew
ance. Nearly all them are influenced in
their course by sympathy with a few
thousand poorly paid laborers o the docks
who are not regularly employed. These
irregular lab rers, prior to the strike, we're
paid 10 cents an hour for the time ey were
employed. Very often they were
emplo ed only an hour or two a day, and
seld IN more than four or five hours. They
earned scarcely enough to keep them alive.
Tnev demanded an advance of 2 cents an
hour, and that they shouli be paid for II t
less than four hours for each job. Their
demand was refused, aud the struck.
They had the sympathy of the
regular laborers along tne docks, also
of the people the city. Tho regular dock
laborers struck to help them force their
demand. There has been no ate np5 at
violence IL there had been the military
would have bsen called out and there would
haye been serious disturbances, doubtless,
all over London.
The strike has had dam aging effect upon
business in London. 1t has almost par
alyzed it. Vessels cannot be loaded nor
unloaded. A day or two ago it was stated
that as many as $50 steamers. whose cargoes
were on the wharves, were waiting to be
AIDED, and many others were waiting to
di charge their cargoes.
OF course many Of the industries feel the
influence Of the strike. There is a scarcity
OF coal, and bakeries have had to Gloss their
ovens and mills to shut down for the want
of it. Indeed. every kind Of business that
IL dependent upon coal has be- inter-
rupted.
An attempt was made to bring 1000
laOorers from Belgium, but the Interna-
tIoual Workingmen's Association defeated
it. The car mon have gone back TO work,
but their example has not boon generally fol-
lowed. The employers are making propo-
sitions, which fact indicates that they are
preparing to make sucn concessions as will
be accepted. II settlement is not reached
soon the strike may assume a violent phase,
because starving men lack discretis-.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
A School Girl of the Period.
From Hq'per's Magazine.

From HGrper'S Magazine.
Geography? Yes, there's lesson each day.
But it IS awfully hard to remember.
We've bean in South Africa nearly a month:
Perhaps Wen so north by November.
What history have we? It's quite big book.
Without any pictures, the bother!
To-day was told I'd sustained defeat
In the battle of-somethng or other!
Arithmetic? o. its the bane of my life!
No matter how hard l may study,
My knowledge o dividends, fractions and rules
Continues unchangeably muddy.
Proficient in spelling? hope that 1 am.
Through shine less as writer tlan talker.
don mind comics ling how often use
pocket edition of Walker,
write compositions? Ofcourse, once week
We've such dull subject tomorrow,
manage to spin out a page and half
Though lots of girls copy and borrow
You ask me which lesson of all prefer
You'll think my reply quits alarming:
In French we We gentleman teacher, YOU know.
And somehow it's perfectly charming!
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
The Explosive Watermelons.
From the Detroit Free Pre,s

From the Detroit Free PreSS.
1--WE will now attack de regular order of biz
ness, said Brother Gardner, as the meeting of
the Lin tkiln club opened, IAN Samuel Shin
will please eep watch OF dc thermometer an
gauge de fab in de stove to keep it at about
Glveadam Jones said he arose in the interest
of the 600o,0O0 colored people in the United
States. He had cued from the newspapers
during the past two weeks no less than seven
instances wncre waite melons had exploded and
wrought more or less havoc, and in each in
stance they were in the hands of c0lored men.
Had the time come when the waterm Ion was
an element of danger to life and Ii NIB? Was it
to descend into history along with the Kerosene
can and the Washington pie? If the time had
come when col red man. walking home with
watermelon under his arm, was liable to be
driven through the sdeW ak by an explosi n, or
family group ran the risk of being blown
through the roof of their cabin. then fife had
no further charms for him. He wonld move
that committee be appointed to investigate
and report.
81 will appint as SIGH committee" replied the
president "Brudders Jones, Rebee an Watkins.
an will gin it as my personal opinion dat in de
meantime we had better take all risks, an keep
right on devOurin' de melyonS"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31

A letter received from London says that the
other day a thief broke into a nansi IN in b.
gravia early in the morning. and found himself
IN a music room. caring footsteps approach.
ing, he hid behind a screen.
From to o clock the eldest daughter had a
lesson on the piano
From to O'Clock the second daughter took
a singing lesson.
From to 20 o'clock the eldest son had a vio-
lin lesson.
From 10 to II o'clock the other son took les
son on the flute
AT II O'Clock all the brothers and sisters as
sembled and studied an ear-splitting piece for
piano, violin, flute and voice.
The thief tagSered out from behind the
screen at 1880 O'Clock, and falling at their feet
cried out:
For heavens sake, have me took to the sta
ton
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
SAVANNAH OF TODAY.
The Morning News Annual Trade Review
A Few Pointers in Relation Thereto.

The MORNING NEWS Annual Trade Re
view, containing a complete and compre-
hensive statement Of the business of Savan-
nah, will be issued FIR day, Sept G.
The year ending Sept. l, 1889, will be
memorable one the history OF Savannah,
and the MORNING News proposes to give
the widest publicity to what Savannah has
done, is doing and proposes TO do in tho
near future. There is no better way in
which the outside world can be informed of
what is going on in a community than
through the columns of its newspapers
The MORNING NEWS in its forthcoming
Trade Review will show by facts and
figures that Savannah is one of the most
progressive and healthy cities In the union,
and that her citizens, judging from what
they have done during the last year, are
fully alive to the great ess of her future
They have proven by the various local I'M
provements they have made, and by tho
active interest they have manifested in
railroads projected for her benefit, that
they are not afraid to invest their money
within her limits. They have demonstrated
beyond all doubt that they have conHde CO
in her great natural advantages, and that
they believe that her deep water harbor
and her great railroad systems will, in q
few years, make her the greatest seaport
city in the south.
The MOANING NEWS will, in its Trade
Review, present to tho word Savannah oil
to-day" In resume Of what has hereto
fore appeared in its columns. The review
will be in such shape that, at @
glance, it will be seen what ha,
boon accomplished during the year.
The Trade Review will contain article,
showing the bu mess of the city during the
year and present indisputable facts which
promise steadily increasing prosperity.
1t will establish the fact that there is nc
healthier city in the south and none NOR,
pleasant in which to live and do business
either in summer or winter. 1t viii
prove by figures that Savannah
without a rival on the South Atlantic
coast, and that by their acts her citizens
show that they are satisfied that she il
only at the beginning of her commercial
greatness.
The Trade Review will be printed in tn
usual form, and will be a newspaper whicl
those who feel pride in their city will
take pleasure in sending to their friends.
1t will afford business me an emporium
ity of saying something about their bushes
and themselves. 1t is hoped that in size, q
we'll as in other respects, it will sur as
every previous edition. That, however
depends entirely upon the orders it re
ceives from advertisers.
1t is desired to distribute $4,000 copies
and that number will be distributed, if tn
response of tho business men is as promp
and hberabas ne have reason to believe l
will be.
Orders for advertising or for copies 0
the paper can be handed in at the business
Office, or, if desired, they will be called 70
by the canvassers.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
index 10 new ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEETING Savannah Branch, Southern Trav-
elers' Association.
SPECIAL NoTIcEs-Cheap Fare to Jackson
vile, Fla, Augustus Watson, Manager; The
Chatham Dime Savings Bank; Faust Beer Of
Rich Golden Color, Geo. Meyer; Confectionery,
Etc. John J. r lily, Importer an Specialist
RAILROAD ScHEDULE-Savannah and Tybee
Railroad
STEAMSHIPS SCHEDULE Baltimore Stea mship
Company; Ocean Steamship Company.
NEW SOUTH STovE-Cornwell & Chapman
CHEAP COLUMN ADVERTISEMENTS - Up
Wanted npl ,yment Wanted; For Rent; For
Sale: Personal; Lost; Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
Henry's Bad Memory.
From Puck.


Henry dear" said Mrs Newbride to her
husband the other morning, II wish, if it
wouldn't be too much trouble, dear taat you'd
bring me home yard of orange ribbon this
evening. don't want it so very wi e. nor so
very narrow; sonnet ing between an inch and
and an inch-aud a alf or, at most, an inch-and-
three-quartcrs, will be about right Be sure
and get Or tty sHa le of orange dear; and I'd
refer ii with one side satin and the other gros
grain although al satin or all gros grain VIII
do; but tnink you can easily ret the other if
yol look around little; an be sure dear, nos
TO get picquet-edged ribbon. but one with lust
plain corded edge; and don't get q slazy piece
and don't get any shade but orange. not real
vivid oranEe, either, but piece at will look
well with pale ireen; and don't pay over IS OF
40 cents for it; and don't get red or b lie or
green or pink by mistake. You won't forget.
will you, dear? 1 must have the ribbon to-
night"
Was it any wonder that when the daze
Henry came homo he brought three yards of
sky blue watered ribbon? Or that, when his
wife saw it she sank into CHAIR and gasped
out:
"Why-IIenry--Ne bride."
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
Filing on the Gouy.

FROM Ute Boston ITCtnSC lDt.
On one of the mountain trains the other day
just when its weary cargo of belatad vaca
tiouistS had come in sight of the cleaning
waters OF Lake Winni inukee a frecklel-
faced l5-year old hoy with a basket on his arm
came on board at small station
Spruce gum? spruce glm?" he called out,
with querulous, impertinent little interroga-
tive quirk at the eEd of the word gum"
Spruce gum? 10 cents PACKAGE
A couple of ggglIng young women bought a
package; but a mddie-aged and sour-visa ged
woman who sat in a scat behind them looked
shocked beyond expression that anything 50
vulgar as spruce gum should be offered for sale
on the cars
NO" shouted the woman. And she scowled
ferociously at the boy as he paused with his
basket.
Tell ye what t is, ma'am.' - said he, bending
over the seat little, but pioing the words out
50 that all in the car could hear him, III give
1t to ye already started an only charge ye the
10 centsr'
And then everybody in the car thought the
Sour-faced woman was going 10 faint.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31

TIE MORNING News is on file at the following
olsces. where Advertising Rates and other in
formation regarding the paper can be obtained:
NEW YORK CITY
J. II. BATES, IS PARK Row.
G. p. ROwEIL & Co. 10 Spruce street
W. ". SHARP & Co, p Park Row.
FRANK KIERNAN q Co. 1872 Broadway.
DAUCHY & Co, = Park Place.
J. W. THOMPSON. so Park Row.
AMERICAN NEWSPAPER PUBLISHERS ASSOCIATION,
Potter BUILDING.
PHILADELPHIA
n. W. AVER & Son, Times Building.
BOSTON
s. r. NILES, $50 Washington street.
PETTENoIIL & Co., 20 state street.
CHICAGO
LORD & THOMAS. IS Randolph street.
CINCINNATI
EDw1E ALDEw COMPANY, &C West Fourth street.
NEW HAVEN
The H. P. HuBBARD COMPANY, 25 Elm street.
ST. LOUIS
NELSON CHEsxAN & Co., 1927 Pine street
ATLANTA
MoRNING NEWS BUREAU, 80 Whitehall street
MACON
DAILY TELEGRAPH OFFICE, 500 Mulberry street
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31

Referring to the Is votes for Gen. Golf in
Mercer county that were thrown out bv
the gubernatorial committee in West Vir-
ginia the other day, a special to the New
York Star says: "Theso votes we're ali cast
at one small voting place by Virgi ia ne
groes, and it was proven that not single
one of the negroes had been in West Vir-
glnia or Mercer county more thaa thirty
days. Most of them voted I'm Ter assumed
names" An interesting question is, who
imported thes, voters to West Virginia?
Was it the immaculate Stephen B. Elkin4.
or was it SONS Other immaculate repub-
ican5
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
Douglass DELAY.

The administration d0ss not seem to be
anxious that Frederick Douglass, who was
recently appointed minister 10 Hayti, sh ii,
s'art at once for his post. Perhap, it has
come to the conclusion that he is not the
man for the place. Douglass him elf see ms
to ink that the re son ne has not received
his structions is at Secretary Blaine is
not doing any work at prese IT, but is get
ting all the rest and enjoyment ne can out
of his vacation at Bar Harbor.
Douglass explanati is not satisfactory
one. If the administration had confidence
in his ability to LOOK after American inter-
ests in Hat; { would direct him to 90 there
at once. II is probable that ths admins
tration has come 20 the conclusion that a
different kind Of man is needed in HAITI
at this juncture. New York mercha It's
who have large business interests In that
country certainly think So They say that
Douglass would be of no service there for
two reasons. One reason is that although
he has great deal of ability, he hasn't any
of the kind that would enable him to deal
successfully with the delicate diplomatic
questions which are now presenting them
selves in Hayti. He is man of strong
prejudices and narrow views. The cha ces,
therefore, are that he would do the interests
of this country in Hayti more harm than
good,
The other reason is that he is colored
man, and the HaytiAns, although colored,
have no resp act for TO eign black mon in
representa- Va positions. Such little respect
is shown them in HaytI, it is alleged, that
Douglass would find himself powerlss, to
accomplish anything. A whits m IN of ability
and integ ity, thess New York merchants
say, is needed in Hayti now as the repre-
sentative Of this country. There is friendly
feeling there for the United States, and 1t
is not improbable that if this government
had white Ian as its repres sentative at
Port au Prince. who knew his bushes
thoroughly, It could dictate the terms of
the settlement Of those questions in which
the interests of t is country are involved.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31

Col. Elliott F. Slepard mas been out in
Detroit, where he delivered an address before
The National E ltorial Association. He also
talked to a reporter of tho D stroit Journal.
and said some very funny things. For in
stance, he said that Mr.. Cleveland intended.
If he had been reel -ctei, to have Utah and
New Mexico admitted as states, and to have
Texas divided into four states. 81 that the
democrats could ,ntrol tbs United State,
Senate, and 50 that ne could be elected for
a third term. The proper place for the
colonel seems to be an asylum r the insane
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
A Serious Case.
From the Netc York Weekly.

From the Neto York Weekly.
Customer-'My watch won't 20 "
Jeweler examining it)-"Myi My! Have you
been in a railroad collsion?'
Customer (surprised)-"Why, no."
Jeweler (solemnly when you undress you
should not throw your vest down on the floor
when your watch is in the pocket"
Customer (thoughtfully)-''I never do. have
been exceedingly careful with that watch.
Don't know how it get hurt. How long will it
take you to fix it,"
JeTeler (after another examinationl-"You'd
better leave it here at least a week, but if you
can get along without it, l would advise two
weeas"
Customer-"Very well. Do 1t up right. Good
day"
Jeweler to assistant)-"Hans, blow that speck
OF dust off this wheel, aud charge up S. for
repairs.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31

Congressman Gambler, of the Ninth Gsor-
gin district. told the editor of the Jackson
Herald the other lay thai he would not be
a candidate for denomination, in fact, that
after the expiration of his present term he
intended to retire permaae ltly from poll
tics. Col Candler, doubtless, could get a
denomination. He won the hearts of the
democrats of his district, as we'll as of the
state, when he defeated e lory Speer. No
body thought he could turn down the
young indie, endent, but he did, and he has
been in congress ever since. 1t is said that
nearly every county in the district will fur
nish a candidate next year.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
The Game Bird He Liked Best.
From the Rochester az. ID B1dqet.

from The Rochester ". Id budget-
At the Thousand Islands. at a dinner one
day, Daniel w. Powers aud his friends we dis
cusSing the merits of different species Of game.
One preferred canyas-ba ducks, another
wOOdcOck. and still another thought a
quail the most delicious article
of fool The discussion and the
dinner ended at about the same time. well.
Frank said Dan, turning TO the waiter al his
elbow, who was as good a ! steiner as ne was a
wait r, What kind Of game do you like best!''
well, Massa Powers, to tell you the trufe.
almost any kind of game II suit M; but what
likes best is an American eagle served on a sill
yer dolIar.N He got it.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-08-31
Passed the Joke Along to the Preach

From the PHILADELPHIA Press.
The bonb0nniere box is part of the summer
resort sirl'sr gular equipment this year.
philadelphia girl was recently victimlzed by a
heartless brother in this fashion.
1t was at mount ain resort. The party that
sat in one of the dark corners of the hotel porch
inc uded the Philadelphia girl, a member of the
Germantown Cricket Club, clerk in a Philadel.
phia national bank, the middle-aged pastor of a
Philadelphia Baptist church and the wicked
brother. The Pnila ielphia girl passed her
bonbOnntere box with the usual invitation
to the cruel brother who sat on her rirhr
The brother deity transferred to the box 2
handful of small and carefully selected
pebbles, taken that morning from a brook. witt
malice prepense, at the same time emptyine
the toothsome lit cJnfections into Ills Other
hand under the cover of the darkn IS. He
then pretended to help himself and passed
the b X To the cricket athlete, who promptly BIT
one of the pebbles, but kept straight face and
passed the box along. The bank clerk nut
three st mes in his mouth and discovered the
hoax, but, Spartan like, concealed the pebbles
and passed the box to the clergyman. The
minister had artificial teeth, and the dose was
too much for him He gagged and remove
the stones, and then everybody but the Pbia
delphia girl Uttered The bank clerk. Inc
cricket bowler and the clergyman are still won
dering whether the Philadelphia girl is much
given to that sort of joking