The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-12-22
BRIGHT BITS.

In MEXICO forty-eight languages are spoken.
not including the one in common use by people
who miss the trains by only few minutes
Troy Press.
past and do not trouble yourself about the
future. Think only of the present.-Detroit
Frse Press.
WIFE-I believe you only married me for my
money.
Husband-Everybody else thinks the same
thing.-Epoch.
BUsINEssLIKE-Young Sprigg-Mr Bdouick
am worth $4,000, and love your daughter
Mr. Bidquick retired auctioneer) Sold-Chi-
cdgO Tribune.
THE PARTNER who fixes up the books to the
manifest advantage OF his own department of
the ledger may be called victim of advice
Merchant Traveller.
Do NOT IMAGINE that the boy who joins the
church about this time is concerned ABOUT the
future. 1t is the present he has an eye to-
Terre HGute Express.
A FATAL SHocK.-Flrst Dude-Great Scott,
Sartor, the tailor, is dead
Second Dude-Ya-as; no wonder; he had a fit.
-DrGkeS Magazine.
You want to know how to evaporate apples
Amanda? just leave them out where the small
boys can get at Them If they don't evaporate
then they never will.-Time.
Ma. OLDBEAU-Ah, my dear Miss Southmayd,
your face is the very mirror of TRUTH
Miss Southmayd-Not when you are looking
into it, sir Burlington Free Press.
Mrs. CuMso-John, why is drink Of liquor
called a 'nightcapf"
Mr.. Cumso-Because it goes to the head 1
suppose. -Smtth. GrGy Dc Co.'S Monthly.
HE-I see that another American heiress is
about to marry baron.
She-What kind OF a baron?
He-Barren of cash, of course.-Norristo ,Un
Herald.
Will you honor me, Miss Smith, by dancing
the next waltz with me?
Two Misses Smith lin unison)-With pleasure,
NeW York Press.
JAGGs-Have a cigar, Baggsf
Baggs-No, thanks.
But this is one of those you gave me YES
terday.''
II know it.'-Ne1o York Sun.
FIRST NEwsBoY-There goes a gent Chase
him.
Second Newsboy-No use. Just saw him
come out of barber shop He's heard all the
news there is.-Neto York Weekly.
WAITER Ito party from the country. lust
seated)-Here's bill of fare, sir.
Gentleman drom the rural districts)-Now
look herel II you think Pm gWine to pay any
bill of fare till I've had somethin to eat YOU re
foolin' yourself. Fetch on your vittles first
TeTdS SiftinOS.
MCFNaLE-Straugec case that Of the Baltimore
man who stole the money of the firm who en-
ployed him, and skipped with a woman.
McFangie-Very ordinary, l think. Such
things are happening every day.
McFingle-But, my dear fellow, the woman
was his wife, Nete YORK Sun
A NIGHr OwL.-"Why, my dear, is your hus-
band dead?" sympatheticaily inquired Mrs.
Newhrids.
Ne" replied Mrs. Oidbride, ''he is very much
alive. but II you knew his habits as well as I
do, you would understand why always speak
of him as my late husband. "-SomerUttle Jour
nal.
Mrs. STAyATHoME--What are you going to
give your husband for Christmas presentY
Mrs, Kawler-I think l shall give him nice
hanging lamp for the parlor. And you?
Mrs. Stayathome %, I'm going to give my
husband such pretty Smyrna rug to put in
front of the sitting room fire. lace.-LGtcrence
American.
STooPIp--I know that shall be called upon
for a toaStwhen it comes to the champagne.
What shall proposeS
Blase-O. anything will go, so long as it isn't
Here's looking at yon.'
Stoopid-Why not that?
BlaSe-The ladies are in full dress.-P hiludeE-
E1hid Press.
AN ECCENTRIC FEYALE.-Jones-How are you
and your lady love coming on?
Smith DO youxnow am beginning to have
my suspicious about hers
Why, what's the matter?
Nothing, except that she don't fiirt with other
men. There Is some mystery about her which
cannot fathom.--TerGs Stftta0s.