Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1889-04-25

Leader. The ag,slt called upon the super.
intendent and finding him out rang bell
close at hand. 1t proved to be fire alarm,
al the sound of which, six hundred WELL
trained pupils arose and filed out of the
building. The agent soon sought fields
afresh"
A FRENCH restauranteur, upon being
asked the name of a delicious dish upon
the table, replied: "Ah, zat is re mag
niique deesh; Eat is re vat you call himi
Oui, re Dwell" "Owlr' exclaimed the
diners, .'Owl! Where did you get i'll Did
you kill itl" ''Tonnaire ~ exclaimed the
Frenchman, reproachfully, Il no keel him
he himself hat die''
MANNEssEH-"Yo Sile! Whot yo' go,
yo' he'd dun up dat-a-way fo'sn Sile-"Er,
er, toothache; powful toothache, chile.n
Mannesseh-''Git hit pulled nigga, git hit
pulledp' Sile-"M-ml No sahl Dat
grinder dun had haa' in musticatin' all
de chickens dis pusson cher eat. Yo' spose
Fse gwine ter pawt wild SIGH a soothener
Is data Nm! Lem ne be.''
AN English orgsnist recently published
book which claims that "a cow lows in
perfect fifth and octave or tenth; dog
barks in a fifth or fourth; a donkey brays
in perfect octave; horse neighs in a
descent on the chromatic scale" To this
he might safely add, and a pig under a
gate runs the whole gamut from the added
line below up TO the skylight. r. B. ".
THERE is nothing in nature that so sensi-
lively shrinks as pure country milk when
1t is exposed to the wiles of great CITY
says the Martha's Vineyard Herald 4" 1t is
ninety sever per cent. pure when
it leaves the farm when il finds itself
pallid and wan, upon the hotel-tabie, il can
muster up but half its original strength the
rest having oozed out in tears of regret for
its lost condition.
''Is THERE any thing on your mind that
troubles youa' inquired a pastor Of adying
soldier. 'Yes;n said the dying man Il
am the only man in the Union army that
has not picked up burning shell and cast
1t Kissing and sputtering over the parapet
OF fort, although | have had lots Of oppor-
tunities always foolishly drew the fuse
with my teeth and saved the SHELF Then
cracked noble heart--Bardette
A YANKEE upon asking q stranger If he
had family, received the reply: II have
wife and six children, and l never saw
one of them" After puzzled silence the
Yankee asked: Had any trouble with
your eyesl" ''No, SIR" Ever had any
brain troublel" NO, STRIP ''Well, how
can it be that you have a wife and chill
dren and never saw one of them9" ''Well,
one of them was born since ! have been alb
sent, you see"
a HEN does not scratch for a living but
for exercise, says Burdette. For example,
observe in her cage, a hen that has been
fattened for sale After having eaten her
fill she will claw away at a board with a
nil deSperdndunt determination plainly de-
picted in her actions, affecting meanwhile
to find ample recompense for her labors,
with as much sangfroid as willy manipu-
latOr of stocks who has just been out TO
bull the market and got gored.
A CERTAIN shoemaker had ret cat that
was very vain. She sat down one day on
the cobbler's bench, with her tail uncon-
sciously resting upon a piece Of shoemak-
ers wax When she attempted TO rise she .
found her beautiful tail fast With morti-
fcation about an inch deep all over her
splendid features she resumed her seat
Then she tried TO remove the object with
her teeth. Her teeth became glued 10 her
tail by which appendage she hauled her
self around for time and finally retiring
to the seciusion of dark corner MOURN
fully awaited her sticky end.
DURING war times in this country man
of no particular political onvictions found
himself in country beset by contendLag
armies. He was halted by party of Con-
federates, who inquired into his affairs;
they were Federals, he sad he
was one. They gave him very rough re-
ception, but he managed TO escape. Soon
he met a party Of Federals, who also
questioned him. They being In the Same
country as the others, led him 70 think they
were also Confederates, so he claimed a.
legience TO their cause. Again he was
badly mauied. Getting free, be was once
more captured, this time by party Of Jay
hawkers, who brought him up standing
with the query: 'fWhat Are yoa, Yank or
Iohnniei" He studied them a moment
then asked: well, gentlemen what
might you bel'' TO which they replied:
'We're Independents. Then he eagerly
exclaimed: "And that's jest me, gentle
naen, TO tee"