The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1889-06-27
WORK OF THE WITS.
Can You l. augh ut theSel

they scratch match.
The best society is that in which
yesterdays money does not call on
today's.
A great reader is "book worm"
Q. E. D., great trigonometrician is
IN angel worm.
A politician must be very careful
how he experiments with himself if
he expects to get there.
Twice two doesn't make four half
as hard as it makes us tired to have
to keep dinging the fact into people.
Rejoice, o young man, in the days
of thy youth, but remember that,
big as he is the whale does not blow
much until he reaches the top.
Muttonhedde, leaving for the
country and speaking in tone of
suppressed ecstacy-"Gad! What
a splendid time | shall have-when
| get back to town.
Jones. who is dn everlasting
talker, was recently inveigled into
betting $2 that he could keep his
tongue still two hours. Forty min
utes had scarcely elasped when Jones
shouted out in great glee, "Three
cheers! The times half up"
"My friends and fellow-citizens, :"
began the impassioned orator, "the
gentleman whom you are about to
nominate is man way beyond sus-
picion." Sure, that's what he isp'
shouted an opposing voter. what
we've got agin him is all facts"
Omaha Sprig-Your wife has very
large hands, hasn't she? Mr.. Dead
weight-No, about the average size.
Why do you ask? Omaha Sprig-
Well, | heard pa say that she has
had an elephant on her hands ever
since she was married.-Omaha
World.
The Dentists daughter (who hears
her father approaching)-"O, dear
Edward, here comes my father. If
he should find us together here we
are lost. O, he is coming You will
have either to ask for my hand Or
let him pull out a tooth for you. -
Fliegende Batter.
Little Pierre, French boy, went
out to walk with his father on the
road, aud was badly frightened by
a drove of cattle. "Why should you
be afraid, Pierre?" his father asked
"Why, you eat such creatures as
that at dinner, you know"
eyes, papa" said Pierre. "but
these aren't we'll enough done!'
One day little girl, about five
years old, heard preacher praying
most Justify, until the roof fairly
rang with the strength of his sup
plications. Turning to her mother,
and reckoning the maternal ear
down to a speaking place. she whisp-
cred, Mamma, don'tyou think that
if he lived nearer God he wouldn't
have to talk so loud?"
Flossie is six years old-"Mamma, "
she asked one day, 'if get married
will l have a husband like pap YES -
replied the mother with an amused
smile. "And if don't get married
will I have to be an old maid like
Aunt kate?" "Yes." Mammal
after a pause-"it's tough world
for US women, amt it?"-Bingham-
ton Republican.
An accident on a Western railroad
stretched one of the employees lifeless
it was thought, Aphysic clan kneeled
beside the unfortunate man, lifted
an eyelid, and saw dull, expression
less orb. eyes, he dead fast enough;
take him away!" exclaimed the doc.
tor The supposed corpse suddenly
began to move his lips. The startled
surgeon listen ed, and this is what he
heard: "You derned old fool, that's
my glass eye!"
Mamma Crying to castor oil he1
6-year-oldD: Here, Bobby, swallow
this nice strip, like a dear" Bobby
'Der yer take me for a hayseed? I'm
onter yer curves, I am. But gimme
f'pence, an I'll swallow spoon an
ALL" Bobby gets the requisite "fi'
pence" and takes the accompanying
dose. Papa (gloomily): '"That boy
will never amount to anything. D
Mamma enthusiastically: ooh,
think it was cute of him." Papa
mo, it wasn't. He ought to have
refused the medicine after he got the
nickel"