The Washington critic., 1889-03-18
THE TOWNS PHOTOGRAPH.


Senator Quay. to party OF friends yester-
day, "but one happened to me last night
about II o'clock which is too good to keep.
] was coming up the Avenue at that hour,
when noticed o huge rat slipping along
the gutter In front of me- made for him.
with my umbrella as weapon and lam
basted the pavemen. around him In wild
endeavor TO knock him out, but It was no
go. He kept cut OF the way, and | kept
up the fight. He ran along under the
curb and / charged after him, moro
anxious TO get him, as he showed signs OF
anxiety to get away. ! ran him for about
a square, and by that time crowd of boys
and dog were following me, and l was
the observed OF all observers on the Avenue
at that hour. II wasn't very light, how
ever, and there were not very many people
abroad, so l didn't care much. Across a
street and along the next square the rat
went and / after him, bound TO
get him II l had to go clear to
Georgetown or perish In the attempt.
The chase began to grow exciting, too, and
the small boys were having as much fun as
] was, II not more. Every now aud then
the darned rat would stop aud I'd jump
for him with my umbrella and whack the
pavement a lick, but the rat would be six
or eight feet away and I'd go for him again.
Well, 1t kept up this way for about three
squares when happened to look ahead,
and, about fifty feet in front of me, saw a
boy on the run, dodging behind the tree
boxes. At the same time observed that
the rat moved about the same time the boy
did, and then 1t struck me that the boy had
a string tied to the rat and the rat was a
dead body and / was--well, II doesn't
make any difference what was. imme-
diately had an engagement up the first side
street l came to, and the way gathered up
the wreck Of my umbrella and went away
into the darkness was a sight to behold.
IL that blamed boy hadn't stopped to
laugh, ! believe I'd be chasing that con-
founded rat yet" and Mr.. Leach kicked
over a chair and went out to get breath of
fresh air.
ga
"TuE CRITIC is going to drive the town
crazy with those conundrms you are print
ing" said Mr.. Z. p. Harrington of the
War Department to CRITIC representa-
tive last night.
"Think so ?' replied the man addressed.
"Well, you ought to see those we don't
print. Here's one for instance: Why is a
hen ~
Mr.. II. stood expectantly for moment
"Well," he said, inquiringly, "why don't
you go on3 Why is hen what ~
"No," said the man; 'snot why is hen
whatr merely why is hen p"
"Why is hen ?" queried Mr.. H., getting
red in the face. "Why is a hen what ~
"No, not what" reiterated THE CRITIC
man. "Wihy is IA hemp
"But that don't mean anything. That's
idiocy," continued Mr.. II. "There can't
be an answer to such a fool conundrum as
that"
"Oh, yes there is"
swell, what in thunder is It 9'
"Because God loves the Irish.'
"What--wha-wha ?" stammered Har-
rington, falling back.
Don't get excited" said the other man,
soothingly. "That's allthere is to 1t. Why
is hen? Because God loves the Irish"
eyes, yes; see," continued Mr.. II. in
dazed way. "Why. is a-why-why is q
away-take it away ~" and Mr.. Harrington
threw up his hands in. despair, sad The
Critic man called in the doctor.
So -
On a place adjoining Oak View is en-
ployed gardner named Fallon, who comes
into town about once in three years, and
who is the ideal happy man. He is con-
tent. He can neither read nor write. On
inauguration day he asked what the excite.
ment was in town. He was told 1t was in
auguration day, and wanted to know what
that Cleveland was not still President,
though he knew he was going to move.
Fallon is a white man.
s"x
eyes, mine is O rather peculiar business,
making as do a speciality of treating the
diseases Of dogs, cats and other pets" re-
marked wcll-known "dog doctor" "My
patients, or rather their owners, are very
aristocratic, as the charges are necessarily
| so high that none but the wealthy can af-
ford to call on physician when their pets
are ailing. At this season of the year dis
temper appears to be almost epidemic, and
have never had SO many cases at one time
before. Do take pleasure in my businesss
Certainly do. know that when rer
lieve an animal from pain have done
something worth doing, and the animals
recognize me as benefactor. Some time
ago Mr.. johnson, book-keeper for Wash.
Williams q Co., called me In to attend his
pet setter, whose foot had been crushed by
1 a Tho animal In, y,atr nj
| for time would notlet me touch him, but
finally succeeded in quleting him, and
dressed the foot. No human being could
have expressed in words more gratitude
than that dog did with his eyes.
Most Of my customers are women, and,
| judging from that fact, should say that
they have a greater regard for their pets
than men. Sometimes tho scenes that are
enacted here border on the ludicrous. The
other day lady rushed In out of breath and
| said she wanted me TO save her dear doggy.
1t was at least FIVE minutes before could
find out ehat her pet had eaten box Of
| liver pills and that what she wanted was .
| prescription to save her house from the con
sequences. Had her husband been at the
| point OF death she could not have shown
| more concern.
"More than half the diseases of pets are
due TO too great care being taken of them
If they We're children they would be al
lowed to run and play In the fresh air and
no one would think of stopping their daily
exercise, but when 1t is dog or cat OF
high estate they are forced to spend the
greater portion of their time on soft bed
or pillow. And yet the mistresses inform
me when In consequence OF too much cod