The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-08-17
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

One reason why so many Amer
leans return penniless from Europe is
because too much Hoyle is cast upon
the waters.-Oil City Blizzard.
-"Style." says writer on literary
topics, "means every thing" Yes"
said ellison, whose wife is devotee to
fashion, lit means every thing a mans
got. Washington Capital.
When a man makes up his mind
that he has got to economic, his first
impulse always is to begin by inquiring
into his wife's personal expenses
Somerville Journal.
There are so many learned female
graduates nowadays thrown upon So
ciety, there will be no need of fellow
buying encyclopedias or dictionaries.
He can marry one, all bound in silk
Elk.
"A number of young women in
Cuthbert, Ga, have organized an anti
kissing society. Those who have seen
the members say that such precau.
ton was not Observation-Disclosures
Herald.
Mr.. Jinl1s--I don't know how YOU
will feel about it. sir, but the fact is
thatmy wife, your daughter, is dread
fully hard woman to live with" Mr..
Blinks-'1 can sympathize with you,
sir. | married her mother. IN. Y.
Weekly. ......... .......
The minister with severity
''And so you do not believe every thing
you learn at Sunday-school, Richardp"
Richard-'No, sir; not every thing"
The Enthusiastically little hoy does"
Richard sir Isuppose your lit
tie boy has to. Life.
-Jinks-"l called at your boarding
house to-day and saw the table nearly
set for dinner, and I must say things
looked very neat. | never saw a winter
table-cloth in my life" Blinks-"No;
she doesn't make her tea, coffee or
soups strong enough to stain"
"A woman, considered to be half
witted, was being leased by her neigh
bors Oil being an old maid. How is
it ye never got married." asked one.
80, We See" she replied, ''if l had
been as easily pleased wi a man as
your mans been wi Il wife, | MIGHT
haze been marrit fifty times owre."
Farmer Greene (from Wayback)-
II always was accounted remarkably
long-headci in money matters, do you
notice it, professor" Phrenologist
(who has had his pay in ADVANCE
mo don't notice any such develop
ments, but if your head only was as
long as it is thick it would be daisy"
Time.
Mrs. Walworthy 81 declare,
Henry, your eternal talk, talk, talk OF
how good cook your mother used to
be will drive me wild some day! My
most fervent wish is that little Johnny
will never worry his wife that way
when he grows up and has home"
Mr.. Walworthy-' There's no danger
OF that. "-Terre Haute Express.
Mrs. Nibbs-"rm shocked, Willie
Jones. to hear you use such awful Ian
guage, positively shocked. l think
it's high time your mother took you in
hand" Willie-'Yes'm, she has. She
told me this morning must stop 'soci-
ating with your little boy, cause he
was maxim me as bad as hisself. y
Philadelphia Record.
Wife (reading from papeD-"This
paper says that peanuts are injurious
to the voice." Husband-"Is that so?
l never thought there was so much
virtue in peanut. | wonder what
they cost hundredweight?" Wife
"Tm sure I don't know. Why?" Hus-
band-l was thinking of laying in a
stock of them. Do you like peanuts,
my dear?" Yankee Blade.
-"Say," said a stranger in the city,
"why are the bells tolling, and the
flags at half-mast, and what means this
procession of about 10000 people?"
"a funeral" was the laconic reply.
''Some great man, l s'pose-a famous
general, or some wealthy citizen who
gave several million dollars in char
typ" Neither. Only poor man
who a year ago endeared himself to
all sensible people by killing an encore
tiend at an opera performance. IN.
Y. Ledger.