Morning journal and courier., 1889-05-24
AFEw POINTS OF ETIaUE1rE.
Advice Easy 50 Remember and to
 Practice in an Emergency.

Advice Easy SO Remember and 10
 Practice tn an Emergency.
 From the Rochester Union.l
 In the mad whirl of the cotilIion, if you wear ready made clothing bought from an irresponsible dealer, and hear b-z-z-t that don't barmonize with the F string on the bass fiddle, it is entirely correct and proper to not "forwGrd and back" according to the commands of the figure caller, but to back straight ahead without baking until you reach the wall, when 8 pin neatly utilized may cover your embarrassment and retreat. People who snicker under such circumstan- ees should be put outside the pale of good society.
 When invited out to dinner, and you in- advertently get a huge mouthful of mincs pie that is hot enough to melt the solder off a gas pipe tangled up in your epiglottis, do not act as if you had the whooping cough, but arise calmly and with slight of hand movement toss the offending morsel behind the majolica dog in the corner, meantime batting his head as though you thought him alive. This graceful act never fails to win the heart of your hostess, who thinks you intend her faithful friend to partake of the festivities.
 Some writer on etiquette, a good many years ago. said that 1t was perfectly proper to eat fried chicken with the fingers. I have oftenssnoticed people seize on wing and rip 1t open like they would tear yard of cloth- ing material off bolt of calico, and so the cracking of the crazy bone was audible all over the dining room. It is true that some fried chickens require heroic treatment, but when an apprentice in etiquette tries to jerk the goose flesh of the second joint of Lou is XIV. hen, and squirts a streak of gravy into the eye of his neighbor, it does seem that new code regarding the best manner of shattering the remains of~a hard boiled fowl should be introduced.
 When the sheriff of the county serves @ subpoena on you it is considered in good taste to attend his reception without further invitation on his part. Some stioklers on politeness, however, who find that it will prevent their witnessing ball game, go to the extreme of sending around & physicians s certificate to the effect that they are indis- posed from the influence of the sportive ele- ments.
 Don't use snuff if your false teeth are not strictly adhesive. I once heard of case in which this rule was not observed, when the transgreesor, in thoughtless moment, near ly knockad the eye out of & twenty-five dol lar King Charles spaniel.
 No one but boar will snore in the Vola- puk language in church where sermon is being delivered in English. Observance of the harmonies ia one of the greatest traits of the true gentleman. People who have en- larged Romanesque nasal chords will be in- terested in an invention which friend of mine is getting up, which he calls the "Sure Shore Killer" It is phonetic arrangement connected with pillow sham holder, and when the air vibrations are four lines below the clef, to use musical tern, the holder drops and hits the sleeper across the bridge of the nose. Four caveats and number of legal retainers have already been filed.
 Don't play practical jokes on Q spitz dog whose tail Is done up like the letter Q.
 When you order neat from your butcher don't ever use the term ''limb of mutton. J He will think that you never intend paying for it.
 In all cases of doubt about the minor points of etiquette strong bluff on weak hand will almost always win.