Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1889-07-25
MIRTu AND MERRInENT.

Teacher: "IIave animals q capacity
for afTection2" Glass; clearly ALL"
Teacher: Correct. Now, what animal
POSSESSES the greatest attachment tor
man?" Little girl: "WomaR"
One of the chief Differences between
man and woman is that tile man Will
carry home fourteen-pouni turkey, and
q woman Will have paper d Ii edles sent
home in big red wagon.
A lovers etratagen: "H)w Is It you
always take your Intended ID the railway
statiOn" because we car there kiss
undisturhed, as folks think We are merely
saying goodbye"
A fellow who hid under sofa at an In
formal missionary meeting says that the
thirty-fye ladies spoke twice ofthe down
trodden heather, and more than Il hun
bred times Of new kind a hair-dye.
"Well, may 1 hope, then, dearest, that
at some time may have the happiness
OF making you my wlioi" eyes, hope
go, am sure" she replied. 81 am
tired OF suing fellows for breach Of prom
ise."
scotchman: "My mo.hr married at
fourteen" spaniard. "Aud mine at
thirteen" Mexican: "Mne at twelve"
lrishman: "Sure that's nothingl My
mother was tnarried before was bornP'
An advertisement extolling the virtues
OF new make of infants feeding bottle
winds up as follows: "When the BABY
has done drinking, 1t mus be unscrewed
and laid in cool place,aaF under a tap
Poor babyl
A new novel is called "a Lady's -Four
Wishes" An old bachelor says be hasn't
read the book, but he knows what her
wishes are: "First, new bonnet; sec.
end, new bonnet; third, new bonnet
fourth, new bonnet"
eyes, all the fellows arc taking great
interest in our military organization,
new arms. "Well, George" said she
with significant smile, 81 think you
needed them"
"Mamma," said Young lady just
tome from school, gazing upon Alexan-
der Harrison's open Sv, els that al
oil painting or water-rolor2" "shp
answered her mother, with look of sur
prise and chagriB; sits water-color
Don't you see the wateri"
"Ia Mrs. Bamuelson inf asked Mrs
Bozumbee of the servant at the house o
the former, on Austin avenue. "No
mum, she tole me herself to tole you she
wasn't In" "That's very kind in her
Please tell Mrs. Samuelstn that didn'
call this afternoon.
They had been at tic masquerade
whore she had recognized him at once
"Was 1t the loud beating OF my heart
my darling, that told you l was heref
murmured he. "Oh, no" she replied
Il recognized you by your baGdy legs.
at is indeed heavy responsibility
said a slim youth, referring to matri
mony. ''Wouid you be willing K
shoulder it'" asked his friend. "Shoul
der it, exclaimed the chap. "Why, my
girl weighs ut least one hundred and
seventy-iiv pounds. I'd much rather
hold her on my lap"
Pning, sickly women should go tC
Colorado, If they want health and
strength. MIS-. Prather vas not able t
sweep her own room when she lived il
Ohio; but the other day, after living IL
Colorado one short year, she chased hei
husband halt II mile with pitchiork.
Hostess: "Why, Mr.. Awfulboor, YOU
have honorcd me with every dance thi.
| n
buur, with great condescension: "Ah,
dare s2yl But don't mention it, / pray
Capital jokel It's only to cut the Brown
girls, you know"
"Ah, dearest" sighed young man
knceling at the feet of his ownest own
''dust know what OF all things is neares
to my hearth "Really, l cent say,
she swee,ly replied; but in In this col,
weather should think it was flame
shirt" She was too practical, and 1
broke the engagement.
"And. dearest Augustus, when we ar
married you will give me all the PHI
money | want, won't you, darling?'
eyer, duckie, you shall buy all the pin
you can usel' "Ol, deur, that's so mic,
oil y4u There's beaut 1ul diamond piI
down at the jewelers. that I've wante,
for ever so long"
Dainty masher: "Melinda, how did vol
like my sereuade last night" Melin a
81 didn't like your position" my pc
sitIou' My attitude, you mean" "No
no, your position. You weren't ia
enough away tor me not to hear you, an,
on were not quite close enough for IN,
10 scald you.
"Lirger not, darling" she sid to hin
| as lie stood on Inc porch pressing he
hand before ne babe her farewell Tor tn,
evening. He did not linger. lie saw til,
old man coming up the street at rapit
gait. He fingered only long enough t
pull his hat down over HIS eyes, spit OF
his hands, and bound actively for til,
sidewalk.
Doctor-"You see, wiley dear, | hay,
pulled my patient through, alter all; ;
very critical CASE, can tell you." Hi
wiie-"Yes, dear hubby; but then yot
are SO clever in your profession. Ali /
had only known you five years earlier
| feel certsiu my first husbani-my pool
Tbomas-would have been saved. -
", ONE, John, get up" said his wife
briskly; tits seven O'clock You said
you would get up ut seveu. " know it.
my dear acquiesced sleepy John; "but
it was last night when | sad 1t. It's essS
enough to yet up early the night BEFORE
and he turned over and went to sleeI
again.