St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1889-07-03
BOB BURDETTE.
The Quaint Saying of a Droll Hu
morist.

mOriSU.
Brooklyn Eagle.
A Kansas sufferer met Missouri dis
tiller on the state line one day, and
forthwith they fell to talking about the
amendment campaign in Pennsylvania.
"Now," said the honest distilIer, for ID
was he, ''yOu people in Kansas have it,
and you know and l know, that prohl-
bition does not prohibit" "Indeed, 1t
does not" replied the sufferer,
lit was piece of foolish,
oppressive and useless legislation,
a corker of rye. i haven't had a drink
of whisky for so long I've forgotten
what it tastes like" "And l." said the
honest distiller. would give $50 if I
could smuggle a carload of whisky
I've got out here on the siding, across
the state line. [ know / could sell
oceans of whisky in Kansas if / could
ouly get the goods to the right parties"
Moral: The true fable teaches that
sometimes failure, as of the crops, for
instance, is more disastrous to the pro.
Queer and the consumer than to any one
else.
TOOK HIMSELF AWAY, LIVELY.
There was young photographer who
lived-I use the. term adviSedly-at our
boarding house, but he is not there now.
One morning he helped himself to fish
with the uncalled for remark, "Secure
the Shau roe ere the substance fade"
and since then he has been missing.
disappearance, but a hard, cold look
has been the landlady's favOrite wear
ever since he went away.
HOPELESS TASK.
"Now, SIR" said the judge, who ha6
been SOrely tried by the stupidity of the
preceding witness, 81 want you to give
your testimony so that the jury can
form an intelligent idea of the matter,
or | will commit you for contempt"
The witness looked earnestly upon the
jury and then shook his head despair
ingly as he arose and left the box.
"Send me to JAIL" judge" he said. re-
signedly, there's no use wastin' time
here" He was excused.
ANYTHING EASY.
sWhat is colloquial English?" asks
writer in one of the magazines. Well,
Cheese it, Gull, here comes de cops"
is all illustration of it which occurs to
us at the moment.
THERE'S MILLIONS OF 'EM.
There's a poem," said the sweet
singer, as he handed it in, lust as it
fell from my pen. l wrote it in twenty
five minutes.n Il see," said the edi-
tor, 'but it will take about twenty-five
years to get it into print" That, my
son, is the trouble with poem or
sketch that makes all its time on the
first quarter. 1t hasn't the staying
qualities essential in a long race. 1t
either breaks down at the turn or gets
shut out at the distance pole. Anybody
can write a poem in twenty-five min
utes. The trouble then is to get any
one else to read it.
THIS MAY BE GREEK TO YOU.
One of Socrates pupils one day stood
up to read his essay, and began: "a
poor man who derived precarIous sub
siStence from the sales of a patent
medicine which he manufactured
when the philososher smOte him across
the jOwl with a bed-slat, exclaiming:
"Measureless liar! wilt thou make all
Athens think l am conducting
school of journalism" The
pupil wept, as under the rules
of the academy he was entitled to do,
for the space of brief while, and then
arose to read his amended composition:
ga wealthy beggar, who was pastor of
rich and fashionable church with
Yale locks on the pews and Dasskeys
on the outer door" THAT" said the
philosopher, sounds something like a
composition. Now fix yourself up and
show the class how you strike cotton
seed oil man for chime of bells and Q
new baptistry."
A PARTIAL ECLIPSE, MAYBE.
1.-THE day of tariff REFORM" suggests
a contemporary, ''has not come yet"
No? HIM. Ha. Well, that's cheering
payuc Seemed sO dark all arrOund
everywhere just now, and looked so
much ike evnning we were afraid may
be the day had gone by. Still, as the
hopeful man has said, 1.-THE darkest
hour is just before the dawn" How
ever, it gets pretty dark along after sum
set, too, in some countries. Although,
sometimes you can't always tell, in poll
tics. Dark things are apt to appear
mighty shady.