The Washington critic., 1889-03-29

punished for the same offense which after
ward elevated him to the Presidency.
What was itP "IIis rise Abilities (''risi-
bilities") N. B. THAYER,
Duluth, MINI.
From Canada.
ST.. JoHN's, N. b., March 24.--why is a
man in love like lobsterP Because he's
got lady in his head.
Why is mouse like haystack2 Because
the cattle eat 1t.
Why is the ex-President like John l..
Sullivan Because he was good on the blow.
j. d.
"Criticular."
Why should THE CRITIC be prosecuted
for cruelty to insects2 Because it makes
tick cry. l.. YIN.
All About "The Critic"
Why is The CRITIC like the Panama Rail
roadP Because II has a sea at either end.
In what particular does THE CRITIC differ
from blind MANI It has two eyes aud
sees.
Why is THE CRITIC monstrosityp Be-
cause 1t has eyes in its body and sees at its
head and tail. l.. Y. NJ.
Two Ways.
Why are the trees In the White
House grounds like the retiring Presidents
and their families? Because they always
leave in spring. j. n. B.
Personal.
Why is Professor Huntington of Colum-
bian University, like Achilles? Because
he is an expounder (ex-pounder) Of the
Greek o. L. d.
Mexico and Ireland.
Why is Mexico like Ireland2 Mexico had
Maximilian, Ireland had a million of
macks. Miss X. NJ. T.
Why is a plate OF molasses like race
horse9 Because the more you lick It, the
faster 1t goes. Miss r. N. T.
Orthographical.
Under what circumstances is one eye
better than twop In spelling the word
inform. hrt
Why is the letter so" least to be trusted
Because 1t is always in error.
What is the end OF lifep The letter Q.
When do we destroy existence by the re-
moval of an eyer When we take It from
'tlife."
Why is the letter 81" like sick or
wounded soldierP Because it is found in
the hospital.
Why is the letter ''i'' strong, yet deli
cate onep Because II is always found
in firm. Q. M. T.
What is the difference between with
cred grass plat and house used for wash
ing and ironing? One is dry lawn and
the other is laundry. F. NJ. II.
Patriotic.
Why is star set In the blue armament OF
heaven like the American flag floating on
the wavesH Because no earthly power can
pull 1t down. J. II. b.
A Vast Difference.
Why has Harrison been more liberal to
foreign countries in his diplomatic appoint
ments than Clevelandp Because while
Cleveland sent them nothing to Bragg of
but Tree, you will Grant that Harrison
has been Swift to send them Rice, Porter,
Ry(e)an(d) a Reid. SIS.
| Which She Would Prefer.
Why would a girl prefer certain ex-
| Cabinet Minister to well-known Demo-
| crat Of New York ?, Because the second ia
only Flower while the first IS whole
| Garland.
For the Literary Student. ID.
| Wherein does the head of tho Admipis-
tration differ from that of well-known
humorist whose profile frequently adorns
| the pages Of the New York Worldf In the
first it's Harrison (its hair is on y in the sec
ond its hair is of. j, i.-iHas..s
| Hard on Amelie Rives. in
What is the difference in the effect pro
duced by the moon and that by "The Wit
ness of the Sun ~ The first makes man
a lunatic, the second reduces him to idiocy
| For 1892.
Why Will the Democratic party find u
easier to rise again to power by the aid Of
the Governor of New York than by that OF
an ex-President Of the United StatesY Be-
cause the first is Hin and the second is
| Cleveland, and 1t is easier to ascend hill
than to climb over a rock. (C2epe q rock,
| cliff. This syllable at the beginning or
atsthe end of a name denotes 1t to be stu
ated on the side Of a rock, as Cepeland.--
| Worcester.)
| Dreadful.
| Wherein did President Harrison evince o
disposition to become baker as well as a
| Cabinet makerY When he kept Miller IN
the firm, so that should he Wanamaker
Rusk he could do 1t.
| For Lady Compositors.
Why do girls prefer to work at the print
ers' trade to any otherf Because they al
ways have a chance to be setting their caps
SADIE CARSoT.
A New York idea.
II awoman is injured in New York fire,
why is the head Of the police department
called on TO relieve her sufferings9 Be-
cause the first call is TO Inspector Byrnes.
l.. X. III.
Another Differences.
What is the difference between person
who takes offense easily and THE WASH
IHGToN CRITIoY One is too sensitive and
the other is two cents copy.
1t Beats Them All.
In what way does the Washington Monu-
ment resemble the different styles Of pianosi
1t is grand, upright and square.
On the Avenue.
What is the difference between an Ave
nue. dude and person who ehastises a
gambler with his wallSing-stick One
sports club and the other clubs sport
A.