Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-01-21
The horse reporter ought to be racy

lie uOESc reporter OuSnI W NC d ldOy
writer.
We find the fool a pretty smart fellow
when we come to make trade with him.
The minister who married five couples
in one day said he was getting on at
Give knot gait"
Never judge by appearances. A counter
felt So gold piece isn't worth as much as
punched nickel.
''Shall 1 sing to you, Tom?" "Have you
song with refrain?" YES" "Well,
then please refrain"
When man takes pains to assure you
that he is perfectly sober you may be
sure he is partially drunk.
They have .snntatn soriaIs" in Kansas.
The name may be from the fact that the
young folks go there to pare.
s'Hello, Nose, wot's de matter wild YEP"
indigestion" Flows dat?" Il hahn t
had nothin' to dijest lately"
1.-The churn must 60" says an agricul-
tural exchange. OF course it must in
order that the butter may come.
woman is the Sunday of man, says a
contemporary philosopher, who evidently
never thought about the sermons.
lawyer have my opinion of you.
Citizen-Well, you can keep it, The last
opinion | got from you cost me $3.50.
One great trouble with those who go to
the bad is that they do not think to sup
ply themselves with return ticket.
They were speaking of a miser, just de
ceased. ''Did he leave anything?" asked
Smith. ''He had to-" was the laconic re-
ply of Fogg.
Queen Emma of Holland continually
winks while speaking. For this reason
she is obliged to have all her prescriptions
put up by telephone.
The canal scheme appears to be likely
to find itself in an orphaned condition.
Unless a change for the better occurs
soon, twill have no Panama.
Customer (to IsaacStein) 1.-THE coat
is about three sizes too big" Mr.. Isaac
stein (impressively) milne frient, that
coat make you so proud you will grow
into it,
Husband (severely) -What! more mon
ey. Suppose l was dead-you'd have to
beg for your cash. Wife (calmly)-It
wouldn't be as though 1 had never had
any practice, sir.
st. Peter-Enter. Why do you hest
tate? New Spirit don't see any usher.
eve have no ushers here. Sit where you
please dear me How different heav
en- is from church."
Young TITLES (faint-hearted) = Just
think, angel mine, how poor l am. Why,
what could make of you? She (bravely)
Well, you could make Mrs. TITLES of me
if you had any nerve.
There are other white caps which in
spire even greater terror than those of
Ohio and Indiana. They are usually en-
countered by the fellows who insist upon
using a shoe-buttoner for night key.
Anna was making Christmas presents.
so, dear, this doesn't look nicei" said
she. Little Helen, looking on, remarked
in sympathizing tone: sob, well, aunt
lie, you can give it to some one who is
near-sighted."
Mrs. Wistful-What happy people you
are, to have six nice daughters! What re-
sources for your old age! Mr.. Quiverful
Yes. Resources enough. But the diff
Guilty nowadays consists in outstanding
ones resources -
''Sir," said Mr.. Shaw, the foremost ed
itor of Nottingham, to Mr.. Gladstone the
other day, Il have attended all of your
great demonstrations and listened to your
speeches for the last fifteen years -
"Then," replied Mr. Gladstone, .'you de-
serve my sincerest pity"
Emaciated tramp (to business MANI
I'm survivor of the Mexican war, and |
want you to help me little, Cap'n Cap'n
Get out OF this Tramp-Look here,
Cap'n? what have you got against IA sur
vivor of the Mexican war? Cap'n-All that
I've got against you is that you survived.