The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-07-06
BRIGHT BITS.

If some men were half as big as they think
they are the world would have to be enlarged.
Merchant Traveller.
WHEN the gravedigger was asked how he
found life, he replied that he did not see much
OF IL around where he worked.-ROcheSter Err
press.
WHAT do You think, Chappie. Six of my
creditors were at the house at time this
morning That was regular owe-vatlon,
old fel'.'-Time.
SEVEN YOUNG LADIES have secured the degree
OF b1chelor Of arts this season. Several OF them,
it IS surmised. will secure the bachelor later
Philadelphia Ledger.
WE don't want law to purify elections half
so much as one to purify chap after he has
been elected and begins to reach down for
boodle-DetrOu Free Press
A MICHIGAN MAN bought pair of corsets at
an auction because they were so cheap, and
then got married so as to have somebody TO
give them to.-Burttngton Free Press.
EvANGELIsT-I shall deal to-day with especial
reference TO the curse Of cards.
Voice from back seat)-Shuffle fore yer
deals an give US er chance ter cut.-Ep0ch.
Mrs. SrRUckrTr (who recently entertained a
countl-Have you ever had any foreign noble
men guests?
Mrs. Manorborn (quietly)-No; only as serv-
ants,-PUck.
FIRST GAMIN-Say, III bet a nickel I've got
more money in my pockets than you have.
After money is put up: First Gamin-How
much money have you got in my pocket?-Tinae
Mas. FLIPPERMoRE TO country matchmaker
who knows but little about gems)-Mr. FiXOm,
l have very fine catseye. How would you
advise me to have it set?
Mr.. Fixom-I would fix it on little mouse
JelCeLerS' Weekly
Book AGENT should like to show you our
new cheap edition OF the Encyclopedia Britain
MICA
Vermont Farmer-Mster you needn't show
| me any 'cyclopedias. My boy graduated from
college this week. burlington Free Press.
Mrs. PETTIM Strange what taste my boy
has for natural history. He has been collecting
| specimens.
Mrs. Titter-What progress has he made?
Mrs. Pettim-Splendid! Why, he has six
pairs of live cats hanging by their tails from
| the clothes line in the backyard this minute
| Epoch
OMAHA WIFE-That sticky fly paper you
| brought home yesterday is a great success, as
| you see.
Omaha Husband-How can you say that
when 1t hasn't caught one OF the bothersome
| pests?
Omaha wife-wen don't you call anything
success that has no flies on it.-ErchGn0e.
LANDLADY Ito undertaker)-I am not able to
pay $50 for coffin, Mr.. Plantem. In some
| cases you make a reduction, do you not?
| Undertaker-Well, yes. Do you practice
| medicine:
''oh, no; run the West Side boarding house
| round the corner"
/ madam, yon may have the coffin for SIS
! Time.
COMMERCIAL ExERoIsE.-Mrs. Plusminus-
What keeps you away from home every Satur-
| day night dear?
| Mr.. PlusmnuS-I have to balance the books
| my dear
Mrs. Pusminus with greved tone)-I am
| sure, il you want exercise of that sort, we
| have encyclopedias enough right here at home.
| -BiTtinGtOH FL ee Press.
Mrs. PRIM Stylish boarding house keeper
ut cannot be delayed any longer. We must
| have new set of dishes.
| Daughter-Yes, ma; the old set was very
handsome in its day, but it's all out of fashion
| now
well, my dear. go to Brickaback & Co. s
| and select new dinner service take nothing
but Royal Windsor china or Dresden ware, no
matter what the cost"
| Yes, ma"
| And. by the way, on your return step into
the market and order twenty pounds of corned
beef and forty pounds of liver. "-New York
| Weekly