Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-04-01

1t is one of the compensations of ma
ture that people who are too fresh are al
ways getting into pickle.
There are good many real miseries in
life that we can not help smiling at; but
they are the smiles that make wrinkles
not dimples.
A great many people profess to change
their minds very often, but the indica-
| tions show that it is the same old mind
| putting on new airs.
| ''How do you like your big sisters fell
low?" was asked of little George. us
he young?" Il guess so, he amt got any
hair on his head yet"
In restaurant say, waiter, has Mr..
Carter been here to see me?" Waiter, after
reflection don't know, sir. / know Mr.
Carter by sight, but do not know him by
name"
The population of the earth is now fix
ed at 400 zoo, 900. The circulation ed
itors of certain leading journals will make
note of this and contract their afiidavits
accordingly.
A dime museum fat woman, weighing
ESQ pounds has married a New Yorker
weighing but 80 pounds. We don't often
hear of q courtship in which the girl new
er sat in her young mans lap.
If most men could get the world to take
them at their own estimation of their val
ue, the world would soon have an enor-
nous surplus stock on hand, and bank
ruptcy would stare it in the face.
True happiness depends on little things,
says philosopher. This is true. A man
who comes into possession of a plugged
quarter can never know true happiness
till he succeeds in passing it off on some
one.
DR.. Hole, the English Dean of Roches-
ter, protests against the addition of three
commandments to the Decalogue. The
dean is sensible. 1t is about as much as
some of us can do to keep the ten when
the fishing is good.
Miss Uppercrust (out shopping)-What
q beautiful woman! Mrs. Uppercrust-
Yes, but she doesn't amount to anything
moves in some vulgar set or other.
just heard her ask the price of bonnet
before trying it on.
Old Mr.. Bentley was readin' an in
terestin' account of the capture of
Rhode Island robber this morn-Old
Mrs Bentley-Of Rhode Island robber?
Is that so? And did he have the state with
him when he was ketchedp
In front of a fire two friends talk of the
past. ''To tell the truth, since my wife
died l have been inconsolable." "Did
you love her as much as that?" "Did L
love her! Why, since her death 1 have
not eaten one single decent pot-pie!'
Glow does commerce between nations
affect them?" was asked of little Irish
girl in the geography class. lit makes
them COUSINS" she answered promptly
The geography said, commerce between
nations brings them into close relations"
Mr.. b. is the best man at the wedding
of his friend H. The carriage is late,and
the carriage goes very slowly. Mr.. b.
puts his head out of the window and
shouts out: Hurry up there. III you
don't look out shall not get there until
the divorce comes off.
Every one knows how hard it is for a
Norwegian to answer catagorically. A
couple, natives of Caudehec, came TO the
mayor to be married. ''Do you consent
to take this woman for your wifeI' The
Norwegian scratched his ear. Il do not
say no. said he, finally.
Miss Lille will not learn her lessons,
and mamma undertakes to know why.
''Now. mamma, don't scold. Didn't you
tell papa only yesterday that it was very
wrong to read the letters of other peo- /
pie; and why should l try to read the let
tiers of the alphabet