St. Paul daily globe., 1889-01-13
STORY OF THE BOWSERS.
The Old Man Proves Not So Bad
After All.
HE, OPENS HIS HEART
And Purse on Christmas and Makes
Mrs. Bowser and Children
Very Happy.

Detroit Free Press.
Thank goodness that Christmas is
over, and that Mrs. Bowser can no
longer hold it over me as a weapon to
humble and terrify.
1t was away back in June that he first
began to refer to it. He lost his keys
one day through hole in his coat pocket,
and as soon as he entered the house he
turned that pocket wrong side out and
exclaimed:
"Look at that, Mrs. BOwSer-look at
that! l believe you claim to be wife
and mother and housekeeper!
"You have hole in your pocket"
"Oh. have! And you can see it.!
You can actually see it'll"
s'You should have called my attention
to it before. Mr.. Bowser. Pll mend it in
about a minute"
mo, you won't. A wife with o more
interest in her husbands clothes than
this should let them entirely alone!
You have been the means of my losing
all my keys, and now l give you fair
warning that you don't get no Christ
mas presents out OF me-not even a
stick of gum!"
He got a darning-ne and piece
and, as the keys were returned to him
later in the day, he apparently fOrgave
me until next time. Along in June he
had soft corn between his toes, and
ole evening he said:
''SeemS to me you ought to have
heard of some cure for soft corn.n
II have. A lady told me that soap
and boraX cured one for her. Shall l
fix up some for you?"
He was delighted at the idea, and I
shaved up some soap. made the prepa-
ration, and fused over his foot for an
hour. Next morning that corn was so
sore he could not put on his shoe, and
he limped around and yelled at me:
''You did it to secure revenge on me
you know you did, You expected
blood poisoning to set in!"
81 simply told you what a lady told
me-"
F''I don't believe any one ever told you
so! Soap and borax7 Think of it!
The stuff would kill horse! l had
planned, Mrs. Bowser. to make this
memorable Christmas for you, but now
I'LL be hanged if l do! You don't get
as much out of me as you can put in
yo1riearr'
! THE corn got well in three or four
days, and it was six weeks before Mr..
Bowser had another opportunity to ter
rifY me. One night had to go down.
stairs for some medicine for baby, and
when started Mr.. Bowser lay on his
back, his knees drawn TIP, and his snore
making the earth trembel. When L re-
turned he was behind the door, and /
| had to speak to him twice before he
| would come out.
mfr. Bowser, what on earth ails
you?" [ demanded.
"Where have you been?"
s.DoWn stairs after the paregoric."
"Did you upset a chair?'
Eyes. LIDO believe you thought bur-
glars were in the house, and you got up
and hid behind the door,"
You believe that. do you?" he
shouted, as he bravely walked around
and looked over the banister.
.Well, there's something very queer
about it.''
"Mrs. Bowser," he said, coming back
to me, you have cast reflections on my
personal courage! Your object is to
humble me! You knew was after my
revolver, but you chose to cast slur
where another would have praised. l
was thinking of diamonds for your
Christmas presents. shall think no
more. You won't even get hair-pin
from mel"
Three or four weeks passed away,
and one evening he came home with a
couple of tickets for the theater and in
sisted that we go. We went. He did
not like the play; somebody stole his
gloves, and we missed the last car and
had to walk mile and half. He re-
strained himself for the first half-mile,
and then the explosion had to explode.
MRS. Bowser," he began, ''this is the
last time you will ever make fool of
mel"
.sWhy, what have done?"
"Done! Didn't you drag me off to the
theater and bring this result about?"
''No, sir. 1t was you who first sug-
gested our going"
lit was, eh? That remark settles you
Mrs. BOwser. l was thinking of a pair
of bracelets and seal-skin saeque for
no more! II you get even paper of
pins you may be thankful"
About the 1st of December Mr.. Bow
ser went down cellar one evening after
a scutte of coal. On coming up one
ear of the bail gave way and upset the
scuttle, and Mr.. BoWSer was thrown off
his balance and went to the foot of the
stairs, was in the second story and
knew nothing of the miShap until he
came limping up stairs and shouted:
"Wby didn't you tell me that ear was
loose?"
because [ kidn't know it,"
ssNo, you didn't know it because you
haven't the least interest in what goes
on about this house! Here Pve gone
and almost killed myself on account of
your carelessness!
"Pm very sorry"
: ssOh, yes. presume so, but that
won't count. Don't expect any Christ
mas gift from me, Mrs. BowSer-nOt a
Sne-4for you won't get even shoe
string"
: A.Week before Christmas Mr.. Bow
ser suddenly flung down his paper one
evening and ran to the back door to
count the strokes of a fire alarm. He
was in a rush and there was ice on the
steps, and the result was he got tum-
Bile which tore his coat, emptied his
pockets and skinned his shanks. He
| didn't say word, much to my surprise,
antir he got back in the house and
| looked to see if all the doors were
closed. Then he stood before me and
sternly said:
sI believe that was plot to kill me
off."
Z t'Pshaw, Mr.. Bowserl'
ssOh, you can spshaw.' and 'pshaw.'
until doomsday, but [ know what
know. You knew that ice was there,
and you knew I would meet with a
fall"
.sDid ring that FIRE bells"
s.Did YOU try to stop me as went
| out? [ lad locked around little to see
| about watch for Christmas Gift, but
| this settles it. Don't expect anything
/! from me, Mr.. BoWser."
And yet Santa Claus brought me lots
of nice gifts, and Mr.. BoWser was as
| happy as any one in the house over the
| fact. Indeed, he put his arm around
me and said:
.'pd like to have bought Lot of ether