Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-02-09
A sHREwD sCOTCHMAN.
How o New York Congressman Wards
OF the Dead Beat Fraternity.

On the Dead-Beat Fraternity.
CONGRESSMAN LAYDLAw A. A sToRY-rHLLxn-
how USsoPHIsr1cATEp LEGISLATORS ARE M
POSED UPoN-A BRANCH OF THE CONFIDENCE
aAME-JUsT FROM A VIRGINIA PxNrrKNTrARY
Representative Laidlaw, Of New York, ID a
Scotchman. There is no man in the House of
brighter humor and more quaint manner Of
| expression. He has no national reputation as
| humorist, like s. 8. Cox and Allen, of Missis-
sippi, because he seldom has a word to say on
the floor. He is aclose-mouthed modest man,
but in a corner with a party of friends his
quaint humor comes out, while he maintains
perfect appearance of seriousness. He is
like Mark Twain; he does not laugh, and does
not appear to be trying to make others laugh.
His natural conversation is full of unique man
nerisms. do not remember to have ever seen
him smile, and he would probably be offended
| II anybody suggested that he set himself up as
humorist. Yet if he should write his little
everyday experiences in the manner he tells
them, he would win wide reputation.
Every member, when he appears the first
time in the halls Of Congress with the right to
| frank an envelope with M. c." after his name.
| to wear a Botanical garden pink in his button
hole, draw on his stationary account, and talk
| OF my constituents" finds a numerous class
who are anxious to make his acquaintance and
don't mind letting their friendship go as far as
the borrowing of few dollars or the accept
ance OF books of saleable character The
| old as well as the new members meet these
men, but the latter show decided preference
Tor the self-conscious and unsophisticated men,
bers just starting on their first term. If the
member is plainly dressed and puts on no par
| tcular "frills" he is apt to be looked upon as
an easy victim. Mr.. Laid,aw has that simple
dress and friendly manner that is so alluring to
the dead beat" fraternity. When he first APP
peared in the House number of friendly dis
posed persons whom he did not remember to
have met before began to show him delicate
attentions. One bv one they disappeared sud-
! denly after their bold stroke to bleed the Con-
gressman Now there is no man more avoided
by these gentry than is Laidlaw. But occa-
sionally a new hand comes along and gets
| caught by the willy Scotchman.
The other day Laidlaw got to talking over
some of his experiences with dead beats. A
STAR reporter was of the group of listeners,
and while the stories were not related with any
idea that they would ever get into print, they
were too cleverly told to be wasted
HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE
was with a man who said he had Just come
from Virginia penitentiary and wanted money
to go home to Mr.. Laidlaw's district.
"You see" the man said. II did not know
how to get along with these rebel people in vir-
ginia. became a victim to my loyalty. Com
ing from your district. colonel, patriotism was
my strongest point. When l went into Vir-
ginia and heard them abusing the stars and
stripes, &C., it went against me. One fellow cursed
the flag and struck him. Then there was
shooting, and was sent to the penitentiary for
wounding this rebel. l am just out and want
to go home"
Mr.. Laidlaw was brave Union soldier
throughout the war and admires loyalty and
patriotism. He drew his lips in and uttered a
prolonged .'u-m-p," that stands for question or
assent. ha6 hiror 10
of the bad treatment of Yankees in Virginia
penitentiaries.
Mr.. Laidlaw again drew his lips in with
an lump" "Been some time in peniten-
tiary. Yes; uncomfortable place. You
want to get home? Yes. Er-er what sort of
penitentiaries do they have in Virginia? Do
they chain you to post out in the sun? Or
are they like the strong stone walls up north?'
1T was strong stone building like those
with US" the man replied, .'only it was dark
and damp and horrible Oh, horrible!'' he
shuddered. No sum- hardly any daylight"
Jump" said the congressman, slowly, 81
see; pretty bad. Yes, pretty bad Only 1
thought they had, maybe, chained you to
three years in the penitentiary are pale, you
know; hands soft and white; cheeks all pale,
you know. No sun; no light; like grass grow
ing under plank. That's it. you may have
seen them. 1t is awfully whitening to the
complexion to stay in the penitentiary.
guess, maybe, you were never in peniten-
tiary and don't know about this"
Then brusquely: young man, you are too
much burnt by the sun. am afraid you have
been lying; Isues' you don't want anything
The ''ex-convict" went off to turn guide or
book agent.
THE SPEECH GAME.
Another one tried it. He was "dead broke"
and far from home. He lived he said, in Laid
laws district; knew all the people. He had
listened with great delight to Laidlaws speech
at Blank during the campaign. 1t was fine.
He wanted a dollar only. Just TO help him over
the day. you know. Capital speech. Never
fully.
you heard me speak at Blank? Ump,"
drawing his lips in deliberately. "Good speech
was it? Yes. Sure, sure it was good speech.
Didn't get tired2 No: That's good. Well, if
it had been very bad speech think should
feel like giving you dollar for listening to it,
are quits. Good day."
So ended the second lesson. Scotchman
to take care of his dollars!
Another Of the fraternity so familiar To all
men about the capitol appeared one day with
q card for Mr.. Laidlaw.
He just wanted the loan of couple of dollars.
The member listened to his artificial tale Of
woe.
"Ump," he said. "Did you ever earn a
couple Of dollars? Yes? That's good. It's
nice to have two dollars in your pocket Put
your hand in and feel them-know they are
yours. You earned them! There's an indie
pendence about that. See? You feel sort of
manly pride in it. You are Just as good as
anybody. You have two dollars in your
pocket You earned them-they are yours!
See?'
'Yes," whined the sharp, with grin. ready
to agree to most anything If he could get the
loan.
Now" continued the Congressman, 'if you
had % in your pocket and they belonged to
me you would not feel SO well about it, would
you? No, of course not. You'd think now
this money isn't mine; / didn't earn it, See? It
would not be the right thing to make you feel
that way, would it? guess won't. I'll tell
you where you can get days work." But the
man did not wait for the promised information.
Mr. Laidlaw was born in Jedburgh, Rox-
burghshire, Scotland. One has a kindly feel
ing for ones town folks when met with in a
distant land. So a female member of the fra
ternity who called on him for assistance found
it convenient to hail from Jedburgh. She was
much distressed. Her voice trembled and the
Scotch accent was hard to hold. She was. she
said, school teacher. She had been teaching
in Virginia and something or other had hap
pened. She was pennyless.
"Umpr'
She had come from his own town.
..Ahf"
And-well she wanted some money.
when did you leave ScotlandT' the men,
Der asked. ssWhen Won were tWelye yeara old