The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-05-17
Mr.. AND MRS. BoWSER.

Mr.. AND MRS. BoWSER.
Bowser Tackles the House and Gets Done
Up.
'rWhat did those two colored women
wantq" inquired Mr.. Bowser as be came in
the other evening just as the individuals re-
ferred to were passing out.
''They called to see when l would be ready
for them"
"How ready7"
at is spring, you know"
''Well, what has spring, you know, got to
do with two colored women|
~ have got to wash few windows and
take up a carpet or two"
"House cleaning?"
mo, not exactly, but them
"See here, Mrs Bowser, this thing has got
TO stop right here and nowl Because, some
200 years ago, some old cranky housekeeper
in New England felt obliged to rip and tear
and upset the house for two or three weeks
in April, ali you women of today feel obliged
TO keep up the custom"
But everybody cleans house more or less"
Cant help that I'm not going to have
everything topsy turvy around here for the
next three weeks. That will be the result if
= you put two women at work. They will
spin out the job as long as possible"
at won't take over a week"
"a week! 1t shouldn't take one dayl l
can go at it and do all the cleaning necessary
in one hour"
''Mr, Bowser," said, didn't you have an
experience last spring"
''Yes, ma'am. l experienced this house
from top TO bottom in just two hours, and 1t
still remains the cleanest house in Detroit |
have nothing particular to do tomorrow,
and shall take hold"
IL can't help you anyl"
''When | want your valuable assistance l
will ask for it, Mrs. Bowser. As | am feel
ing in good spirits this evening, l might as
well begin on that coal stove I'll wrestle it
out into the back hall, ready to go to the
barn in the morning"
l went up stairs just as he pulled of his
coat and spit on his hands. knew just what
IL muss he'd make, and l didn't want to be
there to see. II few minutes l heard the
clatter of the stovepipe as four or five
lengths bounced around on the floor, and
three minutes later there was wild yell for
help. ran down just as the girl got in from
the kitchen. Mr. Bowser was lying on his
back on the floo-, and the stove was lying on
Mr.. Bowser He was almost black in the
face as he gasped:
Take him off-take the blamed thing off
of mel"
The girl and succeeded in lifting it high
enough for him to roll out, and he sat up and
groaned and swore and threatened dire
things.
~ was afraid it would be too much for
you" said as offered him q wet towel
"Ohl you were! How kind of you'll You
are disappointed because the internal thing
didn't knock the life out of me-"
| went up stairs and he rested awhile.
Then l heard him moving the furniture
about, and by and by he came up to say:
81 want some salt to put on the carpet be-
fore l sweep"
But that carpet must come up, Mr.. Bow
ser. It's been down two years"
That's all nonsense! Mother never lifted
a carpet until it was worn out Where's the
saltF'
but the curtains must come down, the
woodwork be rubbed with damp cloth, the
windows washed, andn-
"And the roof of the house raised ten feet,
of course. One would think we'd had small
pox in the house. III get the step ladder and
take the curtains down. Perhaps I'll take
the carpet up tomorrow, but it's a waste of
timen
.Fe went down and got the ladder, and I
Heard him whistling as he worked at one of
the curtains. His whistle presently cut short
off, and there was a crash and a yell, and ]
few down to find Mr. Bowser lying across
that end of the lounge which still remained
in the room His eyes were closed and |
thought him dead from his fall. l got the
camphor and the girl flung water in his face,
10
and family asked:
is this heavens"
mo, Mr.. Bowser," gently replied, this
is only spring house cleaning"
What has happenedp he continued, as be
rose up.
You had fall"
"And while was unconscious you took ad-
vantage of my condition to take 81 bill
from my wallet"
81 never thought of such a thing!"
'Well, | can tell later on. l had a sensa-
ton as Of some one feeling in my pockets. I'll
have that curtain down if it takes a leg"
Won't you please give up your Quixotic
> idea, Mr.. Bowseri No man can clean"-
Can't, ehf Well, III show you to the con-
trary. Quixotio ideal I'll show you and old
Quix, too, that can do more housekeeping
in an hour than you can in a week. Get out
of the way while
a He was in bis slippers and he picked up a
Mig tack, and that ended him. He was half
scared to death for fear Of lockjaw, and he
insisted on going to bed and sending for
doctor. The good man heard what I had to
say and then observed:
''Nr. Bowser, don't you leave your bed
room for at least week to come. That foot
must have perfect rest.
And next day sent for my colored women
and began work. We are not through yet.
Neither is Mr. Bowser out of his room. He
sits with his foot on a chair, and we have left
his room undisturbed. When l enter with
head tied up, big apron on and my fingers
red and bleeding from tack wounds and
bruises, he consoles me with:
''Such fuss over nothing! Why, had
four-ffths of the work done when this unfor-
tunate accident made me a cripple for life.
You can see what this house would come to
If should be taken away by death. DE
rot Free Press.
OutGrowT.