The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1889-09-20

Wherever the pleasant side of monast:c
life is represented on canvas an old corpu-
lent frlar Is seen down in some dark vault
In the midst OF tulky casks. He is draining
tankard, and in the act the hood Of his
coarse garment has dropped down, reveal
ing head with the forehead and the ton
sure all run into one. Mr.. George w Childs
Is pointed out as the model Of a generous
man, and the space between his eyebrows
and the capillary advances guard is rather
expansive, and there are not wanting hun
dredS OF other men who would seem to be
standing refutation Of the charge made.
There are, no doubt, many other persons
who will take sides in the controversy until
the question whether bald-headadueSs is a
sign of meanness will overShadow the cry
for tariff reform or that of the prohibl-
tionistS to put down rum. Amateur phre-
nolog Sts viii come to The front with all
sorts of views, and shining pates will be
objects of greater research and observation
than an eclipse of the sun or the tran ition
of Venus. The life of the bald-headed
man will be made cons ant tor
ment and a burden to- heavy almost to be
borne. Every one with theory will search
him out for the purpose of studying him TO
II d indications IN support OF their theory.
He will find himself surrounded by persons
who pride themselves on their keen powers
of observation. and for a brief period will
perhaps hug tine deluson that be is a person
of mental superiority, and that, therefore,
others crowd around him like the disciples
of old around their masters, while instead
they are actuated only by feeling similar
to that which sends an entomologiSt in
search Of a new variety of certain class of
insects.
Youngsters who have uncles with a short
coming in the matter Of hair, will no longer
await their arrival with that pleasurable
1 l..
now. They will no longer rush forward TO
meet their aged relatives, hoping to be
suitably rewarded for their handsome APP
pearance and display of affection. With
the lmpetuosity of the youthful mind, they
| will array the selves on the side IF the
| Baltimore physician and constrGe every
| oversight of the uncle in the matter of ap-
| preciatiug the value of having such fine
| nephew as the manifestation of aniggardly
| stingy disposition. The ill-concealed feeling
| of contempt in the small by will find ex-
| preston in words utterd at such times when
| the uncle Is within hearing, and this will
| all the more tend to sour the milk of human
| k Idness in him.
The beggar on the street corner who
could turn his Knowledge of the world and
human nature to better account if he chose
| will learn to expect nothing from the man
| who can mop the top of his head without
| disarranging his hear, aud on whose account
| combs need not have been invented at all
Like the Partisan mendicant, his American
colleague will be thoroughly up on all indi-
cAtions of libsrality or close fstedness in the
| persons who pass by tn I'M, aud he will I'M
| doubtedly have studied the theory of the
Baltimore doctor in all its phases. To be
tn let alone by bogus applicants for charity
| will be rather an advantage than otherwise,
and will, perhaps, cause every second indi-
| vidual in the town to wish he were bald
headed But for the rest the individual
treated shabbily in the matter of hair by
| nature will be sorry that he was born.
No longer will he derive that keen sense
of enjoyment sitting in the front row OF
the theater during ballet that made thi-
form Of diversion so pleasant in the past
He will know without turning around that
the eyes OF the entire auditorium are turned
upon him, aud that everybody is speculat
| ing to what extent mel mess has been de-
veloped in hlm. The bald-hea led man will
take recourse to the wigmaker's art anC
seek other means whereby to hide hi
physical defect. Life will be with him one
constant care; his formerly robust form
will lose its rotundlty; he will pine away
and sink into an untimely grave.
And for all this the Baltimorean with his
absurd theory will be responsible. HI
must have had customer with al account
in arrears and took this means to get even