The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1889-09-01
BILL NYE IN EUROPE.
The Good Work Of Jack the Rip
per and the Shah.
THE HOSPITALITY OF ENGLAND.
A Bold, Bad Girl of London EndeayGrs to
Kidnap the HumOrIstA
Modern Moses.

copyrighted, 1899, by f. w. Nye. Writer
for THE SUNDAY HERALD
There is one disagreeable feature about
visiting England. 1t is this. You are al
the time fidgetting about how you can ever
return the hospitality you receive and do il
half as well as it is rendered to you. While
enjoying to the utmost the generous hospi
tally of London, and wishing that could
get twenty-siX hours into a day, could
not help thinking how easily the matter OF
entertaining was attended to, while
would have to borrow dishes and put III
two more leaves in the dining table before
could begin to return the kindness or re
pay the debt. The children would have to
eats at the second table and be kept out OF
sight during the meal, so that they would
not announce the menu in advance One
of the dining chairs would have to be re
glued, and the cigars l smoked would not
do at all.
You go into the Savage club and eat and
talk and smoke as you would have gone
into your mothers pantry when boy,
after you had been fishing all day There
is no more formality about it than there
used to be when you tore out the end of a
! loaf of bread and put jam on it to your
hearts content, sucked your fingers and
went to bed. 1t is great. And yet it is
where you will meet men who think
thoughts and say things which they have
| thought of themselves.
1t IS SO everywhere. l am only worried,
as say, about the way will return these
nntc IF
| spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak 1t
takes so long to battle the forks and spoons
Of one course so that they can give another
number on the programme at our house.
and carve with so much danger to Re
publican form of government that hest
tate about going extensively into the mat
! ter OF entertaining in competition with
Europe. l carve good deal like the shah.
He had complaint lodged against one of
his soldiers once by a poor farmer OF the
Orient, who claimed that the soldier had
stolen one of his red cored watermelons.
Every well,' said his Nibs, 81 will ascer-
tain if he stole your melon u
So he pulled out his sword, and cutting
large aperture in the stomach of the Of
fender, he found the melon and few of
the black seeds, which were easily identi-
fed.
And now how much are you out on the
melon?' asked the naughty monarch, Wip
ing his ready blade on his coat tail
lone franc SIX exclaimed the horny
handed Oriental buck wheater.
Very we'll" said the shah, ''here it is
and he took the amount from the pocket of
tue expiring soldier. Justice is done.
= llah be praised. Return again to your
toil.''
The shah is great coarse, horrid mon
arch. with an eye on the opposite sex and a
droop around the corners of the mouth.
which ought to keep him out of respectable !
society for good while. He has over two
hundred wives, not counting a shipment
recently made from London He and Jack |
the Ripper together have made the streets |
of London quite safe for an unprotected |
man, and yet | blush to say that before |
O'Clock pm on the Goth day of July. 1889. l |
was caught in the strong arms of an Eng |
lish lady of great descent, and Rugged CON
siderably, right in plain sight of Trafalgar |
Square. And yet we hear it said that the |
English are not friendly toward the Ameri-
cans. 1t is not so.
A fair young girl playfully undertook to
pat me in bantering way the other even
ing, as | trudged gaily home in the OPAQUE
cleaning. She struck bunch of KEYS
which / had in my pistol pocket, and went
sadly away wringing her hands felt
sorry for her, but at the same time could
not afford to stop and pity her, so gave
frightened deer Many of these girls stay
out until late hour at night, conversing
freely with comparative strangers, thus
giving the public ample opportunity to Cos
sip about them, and to misjudge their mo-
tives. A girl in London cannot be too care
full about conversing with strangers that
way. One OF these pleasant and piquant
maids admired my umbrella very much,
and taking it gently from me, with win
ming smile spreading it and holding it over
Us. took my arm and trudged blithely along
with me until | told her our WAYS seemed
10 diverge and our paths to fork, as it were.
took the umbrella and telling
her to run along home before it rained,
passed on toward my inn.
London is too large place for me. go
)ut for five minutes walk and come home
ate at night, hopelessly lost in the laby-
NTH OF her streets. The cabman is my
salvation. go and get lost purposely, SO
hat can surprise myself at one and six bv
getting back in two minutes
would not do London on the guide book
plan, or by programme, but by strolling
lbout, studying people more than places,
md getting into the usual number of
GRAPES. | saw the house of commons in :
session for the first time, and listened to
everal eminent gentlemen who spoke fer
inst the royal grants. / can do it myself
low. 1t is quite easy. You say some
hing and then look up and say ''ah'' until
'Ou think of something else to say Other
Gentlemen with their hats on sit around
nd slumber, but spectators are not al {
owed to wear their hats. Only members !
an wear their hats and snore above GER >
ain key.
Mr.. Gladstone, better known as the
irand Old Man, sat on the front seat. He
very bald indeed and his throat Whisxers
re very white. He is much smaller than
had thought. He wears low shoes and
ed wooden socks. When he works down
0 as to sit ON his shoulder blades, his trous-
RS gradually ascend his limbs until You r
an look over the tops Of his cute little red 1