The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1889-11-02

relieved by II.
When calico won't wash you can de-
pend upon it it isn't a certified check.
When an Office is out seeking a man it is
like ghost--it startles everybody.
Ii Is almost impossible to throw bou-
quet nowadays without hitting an A. b.
Full many thumb is born to blush uu
seen and waste its numbness on the July
air.
Many,a beau who wears a sweet-smelling
boutonniere is without a cent In his
pocket.
The worst of marrying dime museum
fat woman is, that man is apt TO get sat
upon.
Life is full of compensation. The
tongue of the deaf and dumb man never
gels him into trouble.
How many people would be dumb II they
we're forbidden TO flatter themselves and
slander others.
Music may be the food of love, but a
Young couple can not live on boiled sym.
phones with Wagner sauce.
The wife who can retain sure hold upon
her husbands heart will never have occa-
sion to take grip on his hair.
There is one thing that the inyincible
western cyclone has never yet succeeded
in lifting, and that is a mortgage.
1t may sound paradoxical, but one
''bare" word is not always sufficient to
establish even the naked truth.
His name was, not in the directory, but
If there is better-known man in town
than old Hugh Midity, show him to us.
1t isn't always the man who wears the
largest hat who knows the most, but gen.
orally he is the man who thinks he does.
The chief of an Australian tribe gave a
temperance lecture in one line: "One
drink Is too much; two are not enough. u
Oh, water surprised And SO there's 3
scarcity of wafer in Paris. We'll, that.
nothing new. In France water is alway:
reau.
During the summer cool fellows arr
much more popular with the girls thar
men with good deal of hot air abou
them.
A dead poet-The poet Laura ate.
Ready for a start-The hyslerical yo
man.
When man gets drunk he general,
proceeds home in ''fulp' speed.
"Haye you the time?" said the maio
to the colonel. eff you mean the tim,
to take drink, l hasten to reply that
have"
We wish to state officially that busted
dam has nothing to do with broker
| oath.
First Boy-What makes that wagor
groan SOP Second boy, who has had ex
perience-I guess it's filled with greer
apples.
The Empress of Germany is said to weal
on her shoulder at court fetes magnifi
cent agraffee in diamonds which belonged
to Napoleon 1, and which was attached t
his hat at Waterloo.
The Shah of Persia asserts that tn,
Kohinooi ASH runluckY jewel. He poin
to the fac; that Queen Victoria lost he
husband soon after coming into possession
of the famous stone.
At Tonawanda, N. Y, John Roach, al
old pensioner of the British army. won
wager by drinking quart of whiskey il
1-2 minutes, and was volunteering t
drink an additional pint when he fel
dead.
| 1t is said that the only thing that ha,
prevented William Waldorf Astor from
becoming great artist is his wealth. Ant
it is often the fact that the only thing tha
prevents man from getting wealthy is hi
devotion to art
The desire manifested BY the fair Sc,
for miniature paintings Sc. as brooches
amounts to almost a craze. These paint
ings are imported, and leading manufac
turers claim that they have difficulty il
mounting them fast enough 20 supply th,
demand.
A "bullet proof spook is spreading ter
ror among the timid people of Belfast
Maine. He has the faculty of oyercom
ing all obstacles, but as be is described a,
wearing waterproof and white mast
there is reasonable doubt of his being the
"reai article"
In Dublin, small town In Laurcns
county, Ga, there lives blue man, He
is a Caucasian, but instead of being white
is greenish blue, and is known as ,B,ue
Billy" His whole skin is blue. his
tongue and the roof of his mouth are blue
and where his eyes should be white is seen
the same ghastly greeuish Llue co.or.
A joker on Change at Cincinnati was
observed to have white thread on his
shoulder. OF course, the first friend he
met undertook to brush it off, and, failing
picked it up and pulled, and was astonish
ed to find it without an end. The full
spool was in his breast pocket.
A Maine dentist tells Of man who
came into his Office and insisted on having
sound tootn extracted--not because he
had neuralgia in his face, but because a
faith healer chad told him that il would
improve his general health to have tootl
puled.
"Hhat's in name?" People WHO be
iieye that there is something in name
win be interested TO know that Jack Rip
per, mate of an American bark which re
Gently reached New York has been arrest
ed. charged with assaulting sailor on the
high seas.
Maine's Oldest clergyman. II has been
claimed that the Rev. Dr. Carruthers. of
Portland, who recently celebrated his s9lh
birthday, was the oldest clergyman in
Maine, but this must be mistake. The
Rav J. II. Hawes. pastor of the (ongra-