Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1889-08-22
THE COLONEL FLUNKED.
English Corsets and a Tight Waistcoat
Were Too Much For Him.

Dallas. Tex, Correspondence st. Louis Republic.
Col J. B. Goode had broad smile on
his face Thursday evening as he left his real es-
tate Office In Dallas, Tex. And for very good
reasons. He had just closed sl00, 600 trade
for coal lands near Chattanooga, Tenn, and
besides had just accepted an invitation to q
very select entertainment among the bon-tons
of this city. In fact, this was to be his intro
duction into high society in Dallas, and he had
made every preparation, regardless Of cost to
make grand impression on the minds of the
gay circle. 1t had been whispered abroad that
he was to appear, and invitations were in great
demand for that reason. He left the Office
much earlier than usual, and his self satisfied
smile seemed to say: just watch me show
these Dallasites how entertaining can be-"
All was iutter and excitement as he entered
the room with one of the fairest of the fair as q
companion. Words fail to convey the sensa-
ton when his costume was first seen, for it vas
a regular Oscar Wilde suit, knee breeches,
English point waistcoat and dress coat that was
never the style anywhere. large rose was
perched on his breast and his tie was gauze
silk scarf of one thousand colors. After the
sensation had died away in q small degree it
was observed by many of the fair that he was
decidedly the handsomest man in the room, and
on top of all this, the gentlemen soon saw that
he had attracted quite little audience. who
poetical wit and humor such as they had never
heard before. All were compelled to admit
that his admission into society had been q
grand success, and many were the compliments
that were passed on him, as, after excusing
himself, he left the room, presumably to get a
little fresh air. The company waited impa-
tently for his return, for the conversation
seemed to be dead drag
Half an hour passed and look Of surprise
passed around the room only to be followed by
another Of inquiry. Another half hour dragged
slowly by, and then the explanation came:
"Col. Goode has been taken very sick and has
been hurriedfy carried to his room He hopes
the company will excuse his enforced absence. {"
This was delivered by a friend, who was re-
quested to see his fair companion home or
course there were the usual well-bred exclama-
tions, regrets, &C., expressed, but the boys did
not understand it, and the next day set in
quiries on foot to get the facts. They were as
follows:
When Col. Goode left the parlor he Jumped
into his buggy with friend, saying, II cannot
live another hour in this toggery and drove
quickly to his rooms at the st. James. OFF
came his jaunty coat then his English point
waistcoat and then his shirt. Before his friend
could enter a word Of protest ont came his knife
and pop went the cords of his corset. Then
he exclaimed: II will sue that scoundrel Of a
tailor for persuading me to let him put the
cursed thing OH. 1t Is the first, and swear
that it is the last time will ever be such a
fool" He then expatiated largely on and
pitied the ladies who were simple as to wear
them. After time on went his shirt and
then his English point waistcoat was in place
but 1t wouldn't work. It lacked two inches of
meeting. The colonel turned pale, then swore
an awful oath and then sat down and cried Bit
terly. He would not wear the corset again and
there was no help for it, so the explanation
was sent and the colonel kept his room for two
days for appearance sake.