The Washington critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1889-1889, 1889-06-19
MATTER WORTH READING.

IL has been usual for any exalted jap
anese dignitary who may have NOR
tally offended his sovereign to receive
polite official intimation TO the effect
that his suicide will be pleasing to the
authorities; aud until recently t has
been the unvarying practice for the Of.
fender TO acquiesce resignedly, and,
after summoning his relatives around
him, to formally disembowc himself
in their presence II the culprit hap.
pened TO be Of exceptionally high rank,
The sovereign would, as mark of
honor, send him jewelcd sword with
which to operate upon himself Not
long ago the Mikado was griev-
iously hurt by the words and conduct
Of high court official. The man was
an old and very valued servant of the
crown, but his crime was objectionable.
Next day. therefore, an officer brought
him the fatal sword magnificent
weapon, with blade inlaid with gold
and a handle incrusted with diamonds,
together with sympathetic intimation
that his carly death would be regarded
as a benefit TO the empire In general
and TO the Mikado in particular. The
culpit received the sword with all proper
respect, but as soon as the omissary had
departed the willy Japanese--in whose
mind European habits Of thought had
evidently taken firm root--walked down
TO the quay, went on board small
steamer that was bound for Havre, and
upon reaching Paris incontlnently sold
his sword of honor for $4,000. II Is
exceedingly unlikely that the Mikado
will ever again trust one of his subjects
to execute himself. Still less will His
Majesty he inclined to favor exalted
criminals with jeweled swords of
honor. Il London Globe.
Who Got the Worst Of 1T?
There Is story told of a wellknown
South Brooklyn contractor, says the
Brooklyn Citizen, who has in his employ
an old and faithful hand named Flynn.
Flynn is sober, industrious, and for the
past ten years has never missed days
work. But q few mornings ago he
failed to report at the yard and his
employer, who needed HIS services, de-
| termined to ascertain the cause of his
absence. The contractor had vague
| idea that he tenanted one of the shan
| ties which are to be found between
Third and Fourth avenues near Sixth
street. Accordingly he set out and
after a prolonged and vain search for
| Flynn accosted a strapping Irish woman
| who stood at the door Of particularly
ramshackle hut. The woman showed
signs of rough handling. Her left arm
was in u sling, both eyes were black
cned, she had cash on her left cheek,
| and her head was swathed In bandages.
Madam" said the contractor, as he
approached her, "can you tell mc where
a man named Flynn lives ?"
"0i can."
Where %
''Roight here"
Then presume I'm addressing Mrs.
Flynn"
"Roight yez are"
SIS Flynn sick p
"1ndade an he is. He's terrible
sick"
What is the trouble with him p
| "Well," said the woman, as she re-
adjusted one of the bandages on her
head and wiped her left eye, .'yez see,
Flynn and Oi had throttle av a dis
pute las noight, an'-an' he's In bed rs
resoolt av it."
'And, madam, said the contractor,
cycling the dilapidated countenance of
Mrs. Flynn, IL imagine, Judging by
your appearance, that you got the worst
Of the dispute"
whist said Mrs. Flynn, as a
broad grin overspread what was left Of
her face, don't yez say wurrud till
yez see Flynn" I"
'Twouldn't Work.
He was plain, farmer-like man,
says the New York Sun, and he was in
charge of n young man with his head
bound up and otherwise injured. After
one OF his trips to the water cooler to
give his patient a drink, one of the pas
sengers inquired:
THAT young man met with an &C.
cident ?"
"Thats exactly what he met with,
sir, gosh durn him 2"
'.Re]ation O. yours 2" ...
MY second Oldest boy, Bill. I'm
taking him home to be nursed up.
Liked to have had his empty head
knocked off,"
"Carelessness ? How was itf''
"Wall, young fellow up our way
tumbled off train on this road and
broke leg and got ~, 900 damages 1t
sort o. give our Bill sunthin' to think
of, and after getting good ready he
starts cut TO go up to Rochester. What
does he do; after riding a ways, but
stick his noddle out of the window, and
purity soon along comes a switch. board
and flattens his face until you can play
marbles on It, He's mending fast. hut
he's going to carry phiz around with
him which'll scare yaller pup out OF
years growth"
And the company refuses to come
downT'
| "Of course II does Bill went agin
the rule and regulations, and he s left.
If he'd had his head knocked off ]
might have got a few hundred on q
compromise, but as 1t is he'll have to
grin and bear IL. That is, II his grinner
wasn't smashed all TO flinders along gwitll
his nose. Hey, Bill, how you feeling
now?"
| Purity weak, father"
Shouldn't wonder, but its all right
Boy of your age, who han't got nothin
but marsh hay in his head, deserves
no pity. Jist lay back and take II easy
and reflect on whether you are going
to hire out to a dime museum or hunt d
cave in the hills"
Why She wouldn't Stay.
Nowhere do they keep abreast of the
age as they do in Boston and vicinity.
Says the Transcript The other day d
lady in one of our suburban towns
called at the Office of the Young
Women's Christian Association In
search of girl TO do general house
work. This lady is quite famous
among her acquaintance for the order
and taste shown in her pretty residence,
aud for her excellent treatment of ser
wants. She found young person well
recommended, one letter coming from
prominent tradesman at the South
end She agreed to pay this young