Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1889-09-12
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some Truthful Facts from the Last Issue
by Truthful James.

The Detroit Free Press takes the follow
ing items from the last issue of the Ari-
IONA Kicker:
1t Has Fallen-Mr Wanamaker has re-
fused to appoint US to the postmastership
of this town. The blow has at length
fallen. Honesty, integrity, merit, intelli-
gence, and enthusiasm have gone for
naught. A wall-eyed, hump-backed igno-
ramus, who can't spell gum and can
scarcely add two and two, is retained in
preference. Do we turn the other cheek?
Not much The first thing we did after
receiving the news last night was to burn
up a vest that was purchased at Wanna
maker ten years ago. We shall never,
never buy another dud from his establish
ment. We ask our friends to make the
same resolve. The Nero must be brought
to terms. His naughty form must be rub
bed in the dust He must be given to
understand that the bulwarks Of American
liberty still tower aloft, and that no free
born American can be trampled on with
1mpunlty. Sic senper tyrannis! Which
means that we have camped on his trail.
Painful Accident Together with about
twenty other gentlemen we were sitting in
front Of the Crook house last Tuesday even
ing when the Tucson stage suddenly drove
up, having Unexpectedly arrived fifteen
minutes ahead of time. One Of the out
side passengers had the appearance of a
detective, and there was a general scatter
ing Of loungers. 1t was laughable to see
Col. Jones' Maj. Wickham, Judge Perdue
Prof. Wise, and others tumble over each
other as they broke for the sage brush.
An unfortunate accident occurred in this
connection. The Hon. Timothy Shocks,
late of Indiana, probably believing that he
had been sent for for barn-burning or horse
stealing, fell over a bench in his hurry to
abscond and broke his left leg, and it will
probably be two months before he will be
able to be about again.
Possible Mistake-Col. Keho Jones, who
was pulled up to a limb by the boys the
other night as warning that no snide
games will be allowed in any gambling
house in this bailiwick, has called at the
Kicker office to protest that we were mis-
taken In the way we sized him up In our
local columns. He showed US a letter of
recommendation from prominent parties
in Washington, Philadel phia, and New
York, and he exhibited the testament given
him by his mother twenty-three years ago
and worn over his heart ever since. We
may possibly have been mistaken in writ
Ing the gentleman up as fOrger, embez-
zler, bigamist, and escaped convict, and In
encouraging the boys to pull his neck as a
warning. If 50, we are very sorry. The
only way he can satisfy us Of his integrity
is to frown upon anything like skin game
in his establishment in future.
Sole Agent-We have been appointed
sole agent In this town for the Kentucky
Hemp company, limited, and will be the
only one handling their famous mo. 6"
rope. This rope, as most Of our readers
are aware, is made for and is exclusively
used as necties for bad men. 1t will stand
the greatest strain, run easier, fit tighter
and give more general satisfaction than
any other hanging rope In the market. No
matter what sort of neck man has this
rope settles to the right spot at once. We
sell it in twenty-foot lengths at 81 per
length, and where more is wanted the
price will be made satisfactory. Give US a
call before purchasing elsewhere.
There Is One-In answer to Correspond
emf" last week, who asked if there was a
railroad line running through this town,
we replied that If such line existed we
had never heard of it in the two years Of
our stay. We now desire to inform
him that there is a line "a branch
of the Union Pacific road-and that it runs
two trains per day and gives excellent serv-
ice. The manager of the line, Ben Davis,
called at our office yesterday and handed US
an annual pass over the line, and we take
pleasure in saying that the cars are of the
best make, the fare reasonable, and that
the line has done much to build up our
town.
Not Yet-We have often been asked
why we did not establish Daily Kicker,
and many individuals have promised US
their hearty support. In the first place,
We are now running under one roof great
weekly newspaper, a harness shop, gro
Gerry, a feed store, and a great boot and
shoe house, and we haven't much spare
time, and, in the second place, when we
have any money to throw away I'll do it
by establishing a school of philosophy for
Indians. We've got good thing as it IS
and we don t sigh for the whole earth.