New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-10-02
Humorous Observations.

IL Cie Sdme place. Wlen q man SeUS
one dose he starts atonce for civiliza-
ton. Life.
cts always relief to me when it
comes time to pay off Bridget" said
Mrs. Howeskeep. "Why?" inquired
her husband. Because that is the
only time when / feel positive that
doesn' employ me-
An exchange says: "What does a
man make by getting married. Oc-
casionally he makes fool ofhimself.
1t also happens occasionally that he
makes his wife miserab BILE. Texas
Siftings.
Enamored Swain: For you, darling
u wad lay me down and dee" Prac-
teal Maiden"Tha sort of thing is
clear out Of date, Willie. What a Girl
wants nowadays is a man who is will
ing to get up and hustle for her"
Absence of mind occurred when a
Boston man purchased bit OF
courtplaster for his nose and post
age stamp for letter. He then fixed
the courtplaster on the letter, affixed
the stamp to his nose, and tried to
crawl into the letter-box.
Little Boy: Our cook has gone
away and I'm awful glad. Now
mamma will have to make the cake,
and mammals cake is always heavy.
Guest: | declared! Do you prefer
heavy cake?-Little Boy: Yes'm
You get more chewin' in one piece.
Queer rule: Brakeman-"Rushville!
Train stops here ten minutes for
lunch! Deacon Blossom: "Seems to
me that's Almighty queer rule, Miriam
dy. Well, les git out our sandwiches
II we've got to eat EN- in ten min.
utes."
Clerk-There, sir, Icall that a pretty
good fitting pair oftrousers. Farmer
stubblefeld (trom Wayback juno.
tion)-They feel all right in the seat,
Bub, but seem to me they don't fit
very snug under the arms.-Lite.
Mistress (wishing to see if her mes
sage has been correctly delivered)-
What did, you tell the ladies, Bridget?
Brldget-I told 'em yez WASH IT feelin'
well, and yez was goin' to call on EN-
soon, and they SEE they was sorry to
hear it.
Chow does it happen that the cou-
pie over the way live SO happily to
'cether? They have been married
leow twenty-five years and have new
or yet had a dispute "No wonder;
she goes out teaching music all day
long away from home and he is a
night editor on a daily paper.
Il see," observes Mr.. Snaggs, ''that
some eminent men think the Garden
of Eden was located in the Missis-
slppi Valley" s"That may be so, re-
piled Mr.. Jaggs, for the ark rested
in the Southern States" sIt did?'
Yes, Noah came out of the Arkan-
saw land you know"
Squeers (on Mt. Washington)-
"Whew, isn't it cold?'' Nickleby-
"Why I feel warm as toast Squeers
You do. Why, man, the Their
mometer is down to Is degrees =
Niokleby-"Well, I feel as warm as
toast, just the that is, board
ing house toast.-NeW York Sun.
Judge Ito prisoner): $50 you were
drunk and disorderly. What have
you to say?" Prisoner: eve gotta
good deal to say, Your Honor, if
you'll only give me time to say it. y
Judge: Certainly; with pleasure.
Sixty days will be enough, won t it?
Our object is to please. 2 Washing
ton Critic.
A sarcastic lawyer, during the tri-
al Of a case, made use OF the express
sion: "Cast not your pearls before
swine" Subsequently, as he rose to
make the argument, the Judge face
tiously remarked, BE careful, Mr..
S., not to cast your pearls before
swine" :Don't be alarmed, your
honor; / am about to address the
jury, not the court. Irish Times.
A competitive examination was
lately held for the purpose ofappoint-
ing fit persons to some oftheg overn-
ment Offices in Canada. One of the
candidates inadvertently spelled the
word Venice with two MS, thus,
Venice. The examiner, clever man,
but not always a correct speaker,
sternly inquired: sDo you know, sir,
that there is but one hen in Venice?''
''Then eggs must be very scarce
there" was the reply. The candidate
passed.
Tramp (calling at the door
Kind lady, I am going to saw that.
pile of wood in the back yard, and
shall depend upon your generosity
for PAYMENT Half an hour later