Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1889-07-25
Saint Harg's Beacon.


4nS AostOWi1k HUM s1e Pc0 Vi bOi8Ac
unknown writer is capital porirai-
ture in a humorous style of many lit
tie evils which the sterner sex may
read TO advantage
II is Q dreadful bother to be wo-
man and do the business up in good
shape. In the first place you've got
to look well or else you are nobody.
A man may be ever 90 homely and
still be popular. Whiskers cover up
the most of his face, and if he has q
big mouth nobody mistrusts il, and If
he does wrinkle bad on his forehead,
his friends speak Of his many cares
and thoughtful disposition. and tell
each other that his wrinkles are lines
Of thought. Lines Of thought. in.
deed. when in all probability his fore.
head il wrinkled by the bad habit he
has got scowling at his wife when the
coffee isn't strong enough.
A woman raust always be in good
order. Her hair must always be friz.
zsd and banged. as fashion demands.
and she must powder If she has a
shining skin; and she must manage
to look sweet, no matter how sour she
may feel; her dress must hang just SO,
her boot buttons be always in place.
and her finger nails alwsys clean; and
then she mustn't whistle, nor climb
fences. nor stone cats. nor scold when
shes mad.
She can't 90 alone. because ladies
must be protected. She can't 90 any
where when it rains, because her hair
won't stay frizzed, and she'll get mud
on her peticoat, sc. She can't be a
free mason, because she would tell
their secrets, and everybody would
know about the goat and the gridiron.
She can't smoke, because that would
be Questionable; she can't 20 court.
ing, because that would be unwoman.
ly. But she must get married before
she is 25, or everybody will feel
wronged. People will sigh over her
and wonder why it is that men "don't
seem to take" and all the old maids
and widows will smile and keep quiet.
Oh, these smiles and these significant
looks They are ten times more than
open ISLANDERS.
It seems terrible to be an old maid.
Everybody knows it, and the women
who are married to drunken husbands,
and who manage TO qnarrel with them
ak days out Of seven. will live in ag-
ony Of spirit over the single woman,
and cali her the poor old maid.
A woman must marry rich or she
don't marry swell" And to marry
swell" is the end and aim of wo-
mans existence, judging from the
view which people in general take Of
this matter. Il is sverybody's bust
ness whom q woman's marries. The
whole neighborhood put their heads
together and talk over the pros and
cons and decide whether che is good
enough for him (there is nothing said
about being good enough for herr,
And they criticize the shape Of her
nose and relate anecdotes as to how
lazy her grandfather was, and how
her Aunt Sallie used 10 sell bean but.
termilk.
A woman must wear No. boots on
No. 8 feet, and she must manage to
dress well on IS cents o week, and
she mustn't be vain, and she must 20
regularly to the sewing society meet
ing. and be ready to dress dolls and
make tides and aprons for church
fairs. She must be good cook, and
she must be able to "do up" her hus-
bands shirts 90 that the Chinese wash.
ermen would groan in envy and gnasb
their teeth with the same unholy pas
sion at the sight of them.
She must always have the mascu.
line buttons of the family sewed on so
they will never come off while in use,
and che must keep the family hosiery
so that nobody would ever mistrust
there were toes in the stockings while
there were not.
l. She must hold herself in constant
readiness to find everything her hus-
band has lost-and man never knows
where to find anything. he will put
his boots carefully away on the par
Tor sofa. and when he has hunted for
them half an hour he will suddenly
appear to his wife with countenance
like an avenging angel and demand !:
"What in thunder she has done with
his boots"
She must shut all the doors after her
lord and master, and likewise the bu.
reau drawers. It would be az unnat-
ural for him to do it as for a hen to
60 in swimming for recreation. But
he sits to '.inst finish this piece in the