The Clifton clarion., 1889-04-12
The Ravages of Time.

Ike-IIe's dead. Harrison Is Presl- dent.
 Eb.-What, Did the old man come to life again?
 Ike.-'Pears so.
 We'll l swanny! and how's Hank Clay, Jack Calhoun, Pat Henry aud old Dan Webster?
 Ike. All dead.
 Eb.-G'long! How's General Scott?
 Ike.-Dead, too.
 Eb.-Humph! How's Junius Brutus Booth?
 Ike-Dead.
 Eb.-IIow's the Ravels?
 Ike-Dead.
 Eb.-Sho! Ike you're foolin' me. We'll, how's Lester Wallack?
 Ike.-IIe's dead.
 Eb. (getting mad).-Git out. How is old J. J. AstOr?
 Ike-Dead, too.
 ED. (drawing a revolver and shoot ing hlm(.-You cursed internal. how are you?
 Ike. (dying)- Dead (dies).
 Eb.-Well, I'll be d-d if I'm going to be the last man on earth.
 Blows out his own brains).
 Exchange: The statistician of the Department of Agriculture says that the numbers in cattle of all kinds ex- ceed the estimate of last year by more than million. The increase is rapid in all the States where farm extension is in progress, as in the newer Western States and ill Texas, Arkansas and Tennessee. There is much dissatisfac- ton with the low prices of cattle, which has tended to reduction in some places. and in others holding for better prices has tended to enlargement of numbers. There is much local con- plaint of combinations of dealers and butchers to control prices, and of the discrimination of railroad companies in freight rates. There is some i'm provement in the quality of cattle, as reported in many Southern localities. It is hopeful sign, indicating great CT popularity of cattle growing"
 X man in Texas was accused of stealing a horse. It is scarcely neces- sary to say that immediately there was lynching bee. At the conclusion of the entertainment the participants found they had hanged the wrong man, and the high minded citizens who had managed the affair were filled with remorse. They determined that the dead mans memory was entitled to vindication, and therefore 6 com mittee was appointed to wait upon the widow. They found her weeping. The chairman, with an awkward wave of his slouch hat, said. in a somewhat embarrassed manner: ~Marm. we hanged your husband. but he was the wrong man. Marm, the jokes on us. If the wealth of the Vanderbilts be not overstated, it amounts to nearly S2OO.0OO.OOO. With this sum they could purchase 312 tons of gold and have something left over, but they couldn't buy two tons of gallium, that rare met al being worth S3,25O an ounce. With this metal the highest price is reached, and it may well be called the rarest and most precious of metals. William Newman, Barnum's expo. rienced elephant trainer, is credited with the following philosophical com- ment: "Elephants are very much like human beings especially in one regard and that is the females are very much nicer and better than the males, and also in that when female is bad she is worse than the worst male.'
 This, sir. is combination oftwo cy, clopedias the Clyclopadia of Gen eral Information and that of-'
 Thanks, my good friend, but I don' care for Encyclopaedia" - Harper. BaZar.
 Recent events in this town give prom thence to the truth that the man who lives two lives is hypocrite in on, and rascal in the other. Philadel phia Press.
 A young lady in Geneva was hear, to say, "I think MT. - is very for ward" "Why?' asked friend. "Why he had the impudence to propose t, me in leap yearr' Geneva Courier