The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1889-01-05
WIT AND lIuMOl,.

small. Proprietor (rritably) We'll,
what do you expect when you open the
wrong end of the barrel?-Boston Bed-
con.
At the drug store Customer Have
you anything that will remove super
ttuous hair? Druggist Quietly. but
with contidence)-fes, sir, my wife.
Washington C1Itic.
Tho course of true lore never does
run smooth, and later on in life when
we see a girl that We like better. we
often feel mighty glad it didn't-Jonr-
nal Of Education.
Flattery ia the worst OF insults; but
there are mighty few people in tins
world who arc keen enough to know
when ANYBODY is insulting them
iSon,ervilk Journal.
Polite conductor-"You fare, mad
am" Miss Cosy Cobb (from STAN
ford)-..You'd orter see me before l
got sun-scorched at Aunt Hammers
clam-bake. Time
If church bells did not ring no one
would remember that it was Sunday.
That's why they ring, and it prevents
lots of men from starting out with fish
poles. Detroit Free Press.
The man who said that marriage re-
sembles lottery hbored under mis-
understanding. When you patronize
IL lottery you have some show of COM
ing out ahead.--Lincola Journal.
you fellows charge a high price for
pulling teeth" said a real estate dealer,
10 dentist. 80, I don't know about
that" was the confident reply, 1--WE
only charge 81 an acher. Time.
Begin your Christmas embroidery
now The "Heaven Bless Our Flat
and the slippers for your husband and
the rector should not be rushed
through at the last minnie. --New YORK
Sun.
Harry (who had some money given
him to spend at the fairy Papa. things
were so cheap at the fair that 80 cents
of my money was wasted. Papa
Wasted2 Harry-Yes; ! didn't spend
LITTLE.
Citizen (to Farmer Hayseed p -How's
things up on the farm, Mr.. Hayseed?
Farmer Haysced -Dinged bad My
wife is down sick an two of my bosses
has got heaves. I'm iookin' fer good
boss doctor.-Lye.
A man has just died in Connecticut
who smoked over 1900 behring's day.
There is no accounting Tor tastes
Perhaps the poor man had to choose
between behring's and Connecticut
cigars. H11per's Ba-ar.
Mrs. Hard DO have some more
cream, Miss Sweastooth. Miss Sweet
roo,h (hesitating)-Well. just little,
Mrs. Hard. Only 4 mouthful. Mrs.
Hard Bridget, fill Miss Sweettooth's
plate mp again. Bazaar.
Some excitement was caused at re.
ception in Philadelphia last week by
the discovery that young man who
had no grandfather had crept in
through the back door. He was sum.
lnarily elected. -New York Sun.
Grocer-Well, sonny, what can do
for you? Sopny-Me muddcr sent me
back wld the butter and wine. She
Sod she ordered new butter an old
wine. an she thinks you've got the
wintages mixed up.-New York Sun.
Mrs. J.--My new piano reminds me
of a successful businessman. Nr. j,
Why? Mrs. 10. well, it's always
square. And then its notes never 20
10 protest. MIR. mo; but the neigh
bors are going ,o.-Ierre Haute En-
press.
Somebody has written paper on
''How to Tell Woman's Age" 1t is
bad information How to know
woman's age would be useful know
ledge, but the man who undertakes to
tell it is simply brute.-Nes0 Orleans
Fcayuns.
Dude (to citizen OF Arizona)-Ah-
has your family family treep Arizo-
mani dunno as you would call 1t ex->
actly family tree, stranger, but two
of our folks hev been strung up on that
ere cottonwood out yender.-Burl'ng-
ton Free Press.
Revivalist-My son, when that great
day comes. where will we find you.
with the sheep or the goats? Small
boy-Jiggered if l know. Ma, she
says I'm her "little lamb" and pa calls
me ''the KID" so guess I'll have to
give it up.--Terre Hauts Express.
He-I must break off my engage
,nent, Violet. She-Why should you
do thatp He-Well, your father has
failed. How can he support son-in-
law in the style in which have lived?
She-Why. you goose, he failed on
purpose to meet the extra expense3i
Harper's Bazaar.
Mr.. De Washer (to pretty barmaid
at refreshment counter)-Aw, miss,
would you-aw-give me-aw-one Of
,hose--aw--dog biscuits? Pretty bar
maid giving him oatmeal biscnit) -
Here's the dog biscuit. Takeit on the
mat and eat it. Collapse of'De Mash.
cr.)-London Fun. -
What was the occasion of Napole-
on's final aud greatest repulse?" asked
the teacher. And the boy at the foot
Of the class, who had been travelling
with his father all summer, said he
supposed it was when he asked the
clerk to give him an outside room on
the parlor foor.--Burdette.
Mrs. Suburb (reading)-The really
efficient laborer. says Thoreau, will be
found not to unduly crowd his day
with work, but will saunter to his task
surrounded by wide halo of ease and
leisure. Mr.. Suburb Humph.
Thoreau never lived where he had to
catch trains.---PAiLadelpAi0 Record.
Brown say, Dumley. you haven't
forgotten that $40 bill you borrowed
of me long time ago. have you?
Dumley Gin hurt tone of voice)-