News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1889-01-17
MEDICINE FOR THE SERIOUS.

TRANSFERS do a driving business
Detroit Free Press.
A SKIPPER and merchant differ in
that the one sails ships and the other
ships sales.-OCedn.
WHY is it that detectives are always
on the watch and never on the clock p
Rochester POSt-ErpreSS.
A MAN, like dog, is apt to be rather
fast when he has plenty of "tin" behind
him.-YonkerS Statesman.
If there is anything in name, Sioux
City should be a good place for law
yers. Pittsburgh Chronicle.
WHEN a surgeon amputates limb
he's heard to remark: Twas sever
thus" -GlenS Falls Republican.
"THE Wages of Sin-Two cents for
collars, and four for cuffs. All Sin, the
Chinaman, we mean.-Da11SUiLle Breeze.
MOSQUITOES are the most religious Of
insects; they first sing over you and
then prey on you.-Mirror and Farmer.
WE agree with you, Mabel. A tailor
made suit certainly does admirably dis
play the figure which lady hasn't got.
Puck.
The washerwoman, like the poet,
spends a good deal of time over line
and finds life full of hard bs.-BoSton
Courier.
The pugilist, while not necessarily
man of mental culture, is usually man
of striking NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
TrdUeler.
The average man can never under
stand why watch always runs slow at
church and fast at the theater.-JeaCeL-
er'S Weekly.
don't give up the shipp If you
must give up anything in the nautical
line, give up the schooner
transcript.
AN Allegheny man was so badly
frightened the other day that even his
pautaloons became frayed.-PittSbuTgh
hronjclc-TeLegraph.
THERE are q quarter million doctors
in the world, and yet the total, popula
ton seems to be on the increase, not
withstanding.-Idea.
NATURE uses a good many quilts with
which to make a goose, but man can
make a goose of himself with only one.
Orchard and Garden.
n w ILo1Eh BId lI 0pGCuldGOI 10 III"
said to be contemplating corner on
"the flour that blooms in the spring,
tra-la. "-Ha1peT'S Bazaar.
THE real poets of passion" are those
who have q poem put in the waste
basket after they have asked $40 for it
-NeU Orleans PjcGy1tne.
THE umpire and the stock broker have
their differences, of course. The UNI
pire calls the balls, and the broker
bawls the calls.-YO11kerS Gazette.
OLD LADY Ito grocer's boy)-Whai
makes the price on them potatoes 50
stiff, boy? Grocer's boy-It's because
there's so much starch i'll 'em, num-
Life.
A DEBATING club of young ladies up
town has been dissolved because the
subject of marriage was assigned fol
discussion. Nobody would take tho
negative. Washington Post.
"THERE is one thing that you can al
ways buy at drug store without being
overcharged, sighed victim of phar-
maceutic extortion, "and that is
postage stamp.
WHEN a young doctor tells you
proudly that he is a practicing physi.
clan, you want to be very careful not to
hurt his feelings by understanding the
adjective the wrong way.-SomerUiIle
Journal.
MESSENGER BoY-Lady wants tel
know if you kin take off warts? Chiro,
podist-Easily. How much?" Fifty
cents-but, hold on. Where is tho
wart-on her hand" mo; on her nose"
"Ten dollars. "-PhiladelphiG Record
AN Arcade pastor created q sensation
the other day during the sermon by
choir to a lively tune, with the remark
perhaps it may serve to wake the con.
gregation up, and it dId.-ECchapge
PoRKCHoP-Come and have glass OF
wine. l just received a case OF
Lachryma Christi-very fine. Wag |
gington-Dr. Pillsbury called my atten |
ton the other day to case of spinal /
meningitis. Porkchop (not to be out
done)-Yes; I've got some of that on
the way over from Europe.
THOMAS" sternly said the small
boys father at the breakfast table,
don't throw away that piece of bread.
Flour is growing so dear that can
narOIy keep you supplied Win bread
enough to eat so you mustn't waste any
oft" "Tell you what, pepper" said
Thomas; I'll agree to stop eating
bread, if it's 50 dear, and eat nothing
but pie. '-BOStO1G Beacon.
OLD SAWS IN RHYME.
Actions speak louder than words ever do;
You can't eat your cake and hold on to it, too.
When the cat is away thou the little mice play
Where there is a will there is always Il way.
Ones deep in the mud as the other in mire;
Don't jump from the frying pan into the fro.
There's no crying DER milk that is split;
No accuser is needed by conscience OF guilt.
There must be some fire whorever is smoke;
The pitcher goes oft to the well till it's broke.
by rogues falling out honest mon got their due |
Whoever it its, he must put on the shoe.
All work and no play will make jack dull boy |
thing of much beauty is a Joy.
A half loaf is better than no bread at all;
And pride always goeth before sad fall.