Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1889-09-26
COURTING A SCHOOL NAM.
BY OLIVER KIMBALL.

iaSS bic buuteIJ VI IuoSe IuS ulSl DrOWn
eyes, somehow, as he told his especial
friend and confidant, they took all the
grit" out of him.
Bert advised him to write.
Seth was not wholly pleased with the
idea, for-although he was the owner of
rich and beautiful farm, and other
property besides, that amounted to
SO, 200, which had been left him by his
father, and as much more in prospect at
his mothers death--he was deplorably
ignorant. His intellectual attainments
were confined to little reading and
writing, and knowledge of arithmetic
which barely enabled him to do his
business.
In Iace and form he was anything but
beautiful, being of q tall ungainly,
shambling form, and possessing face
adorned with whitish, watery blue eyes
uncouth features; dark red com
pleXlon and numerous freckles, com bined
with frey red hair and mustache; and
on which was written, in imperishable
characters, the sordidness and miserli-
ness of his mean little soul.
Seth had never been hardly out of
sight of his own chimney, and, of
course, knew nothing of the ways of the
world, for what was the use of spend
ing money for travelling when it was so
much better to keep it to spend to as
tonish the neighborhood, as for in
stance, for carriage and span of
horses which would make all the
boys wild with envy, and the girls
crazy to go with him
Sntb apiovol Ii, ,o,,,,Io g., l,
the richest young man for miles around
and nothing delighted his dear little
soul more than to go first with one
country lass and then another and then
tell, to anyone and everyone that would
listen to him, of their great anxiety to
"gobble him up" as he expressed it.
Said he to Bert:
Benz she's school l-marm she's up to
oil tha durn stuff you git out O. books,
gamma. and such. 1t does well
nuil fuc IL poor feller to study and learn
but taint no benefit to rich mani
don't have to-"
Bert promised to help him, said
he: "If we can't git up betwixt us
q letter chuck full of polite grammar
and such then you can eat me fur a
skunk, burned if you can't
"Wall, You should oughter git up n
letter better'n l. fur you ben four weeks
to the 'cademy."
The more Seth thought of the idea of
writing the letter he liked it; therefore
the consequence was, that that after
noon found them closeted in Seth's
room with the door locked and with
the sweat pouring down their heated
faces, as in an agony of inspiration,
they sought disparingly to clothe their
letter in proper garb, with the aid of
"Fox's Book of Martyrs" and Herrick' S
"Albenic," all the books that the house
contained
They wasted ink and paper with u
reckless abandon, which showed at
once that Seth meant business" as
Bert said, regardless of expense.
Seth did the writing as he could
write the better hand, and Bert did the
composing.
Seth commenced: "Miss Nora
Witherspoon, by Bert's direction, then
he wrote Dear Miss"
mo, 1 won't; it sounds too durn
fresh!"
wall, then, dear friend"
81 don't like that there neither; it
don't sound jest right" declared Seth
wall, let her go as she is then,' re-
piled the sorely puzzeled helper.
"No, that sounds as if l felt so durn
big; | won't do that" still complained
the rich man.
wall, put what you mind to, I'm
tired O. tellin' you what to write; you're
30 burned particular. l guess I'll go
hum"
"Now, now, Bert don't git mad and
leave, fur then l should go crazy sure,
an amt fur from it this minute! L
should think you'd have some pity fur
me; here | am covered with sweat an
my head hoppin' like blazes an the
burned letter has got to be writ some
how. l tell you what I'll do, you help
me git this here up in good style an III
give you dollar, clean cash; come,
that's fair. You can't say it hain'tp
Being thus adjured combined with
the potency of the dollar, caused Bert
to melt.
Once more he tried his tactics at
composition.
"Why don't you put it Dear Miss
Nora Witherspoon he said
you've hit the nail on the head at
lastl" cried Seth, joyfully. THAT
sounds something like, so highfalutin'
an grand" And he very laborously
put that down.
Wall, now, I've got so fur; Miss
Nora Witherspoon, dear Miss Noca
Witherspoon. Now, what next?"
wall, less see, hum, wall, 4 take my
pen in hand fur to-fur to-, less see,
yes, fur to ask you fur the honor an
pleasure of your honorable company to
the Fourth O. July celebration to the
corners. There, how's that?" he asked,
with conscious pride in his voice.
"That sounds all proper. Quick, tell
it off slow'fore you forgit it, an let me
put it down"
After much patient labor, both as to
writing and to spelling, and after spoil
ing two sheets more of paper, he
finally penned it down on third, and
then was ready for the next.
WALL" said Bert, Il s'pose you want
an answer right away, don't you?"
"Yes, yes"
"Wall, then, please answer by ro-
turn mall You see there won't be any
return mail as both will be drop letters,
but is sounds big. Less see, what did l
h w.? Oh, yes, please answer by re-
turn mail, and oblige yours forever