Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-12-21
STUFF AND NONSENSE


GAMING ground The successful real
estate man.
THE proprietor of . crematory is de-
pendent upon his urnings.
LANDLADY-How do you like your
eggs? New boarder-Fresh.
AZURE cure for the blues" sounds
rather cerulean as well as paradox.
ical.
HE-Darling, will you love when I'm
gone? She-Yes; if you are not too far
gone.
Who can give us the name and ad-
dress of the shoemaker that first tried
to cobble stones?
REPUBLICS were ever ungrateful.
We put our great men on postage
stamps, and then punch their heads.
An old maid said she wished she was
an suctioneer, for then it would be per
fectly proper to say, make me an
offer"
A WRITER takes q whole column in .
newspaper to tell what We Drink,
while another has simply to wink at
the bartender.
ED-My grandfather died tonight.
A-And / suppose you will have to
pay for the funeral? Ed-Oh, no, the
city pays the expenses; grandpa was
hung.
Mrs. SHAW, the whistler, separated
from her husband few years ago and
earns her own living. We suppose she
asked him for money and he said she
might whistle for it, so she did.
AN old man of our acquaintance says
he was born at the wrong time. when
I was young" he says, young men
were of no account, and now that I am
old, old men are of no account"
eyes, sah," said Maj. Rifle, "the
KentuckiaDs are a courageous set of
men, sab. Brave and self-reliant in any
peril" "Thatis very true" replied
Billy Bliven. Il never knew one of them
to take water"
WOMAN Ito tramp Want some
thing to eat, Ell? Well, here's some
cold hash. Tramp-But I haven't got
anything to eat it with. Woman-Ju st
keep on little further and you'll find
a fork in the road.
JIMsoN-Great heavens! old man,
what have you been doing with your
self? Why, you're covered with mud
from head to foot! Wilson, dined in
a Bowery restaurant, and waiter upset
q cup of coffee on me.
NEPHEW Crying to make good i'm
pression) Uncle, this port is excel
lent. Uncle-Well should think so;
it is fifty years old. Nephew-By Jove,
you don't say so! What superb wine
it must have been once!
Mr.. GALL wonder what you were
dreaming about last night? You
reached out and patted the marble top
of the table and smiled Mrs. Gall
Oh, I remember now. dreamed I was
patting you on the cheek.
G1LDED youth Ito charming young
lady whom he meets on the cars Jaw,
good morning, Miss Dasher. Glad to
meet you. We do not see as much of
you now as we did when we were at
the beach for the bathing.
sWHAT's the matter, Eddie ?" willie
Thomas has gone and moved out of this
street, boo hoo" well, don't cry;
there are plenty of other little boys in
the neighborhood to play with" Eyes.
but he's the only one could lick.
DIsENCHANTMENT.
While we gaze in admiration
On q sweet and radiant lass
And think only sweetest music
Through those coral lips can pass.
We're awful1y shocked to see her
Down the garden pathway stride,
And hear her CRY. Say, Johnnie comet
Or mother will tan your hide!'
Mrs. WIcKwIRE- woman were
given the credit she deserves, I don't
think man would be quite as prominent
in the worlds history. Mr. Wickwire
4 guess you are right. If she could
get all the credit she wanted, he'd be
in the poorhouse.
WHERE he put his faith: Long
suffering Wife-How do you expect q
woman to provide vittals and drink
when you don't bring home no cash |
Saturday night? Husband-Why,
M'rier, the grocer and the butcher amt |
moved, has they?
NERVOUS Gentleman-Now, be care
full how you drive, cabby, and go slow
ly over the stones, for 7 hate to be
shaken. And mind you pull up at the
right house, and look out for those
dreadful steam cars. Cabby-Never
sear, sir, I'll do my best. And which
orspital would you wish to be taken to,
sir, in case of an accident?
A COOLER ON THE SEA SHORE.
81 ~ &.