New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-06-12
HUMOROUS DRIgT

Selected from Some Of the Latest Wftticisms..
/ a cat with its fur rufHed doesn' L
feel fur-straight.
The man who always pays down is
never called upon to pay. up.
Every dog has his day, but the cats
have the nights.
"Shall missionaries marry?" is be-
ing discussed in the efete east. Why
shouldn' t he, if he wants to, and the
girl is willing?
WifeI want you to take my adj
vice, love. Hubby-All right, my
dear. Remember, I have taken it
now, and never attempt to give it to
me again. IN. 7. Evening SUM-.
It was Connecticut boy who sur
prised his teacher in reading the
other day by his interpretation of
the sentence: ssThere is worm; do
not tread on him. He read slowly
and hesita tingly: There is, a warm
doughnut; tread on. him. y
Don't make an O. if you meet a
girl of the {. bearing a, huge. para
sol with a handle that looks like an
Cd, because they're fashionable.
The Missouri Legislature has re-
fused the women of this state the
right to vote at school elections, but
they still have the privilege of split.
ting oven wood.
A bold cattle. thief in Mo-
Was surrounded and fought likes 70.
But he found not a friend
And soon came to an end
Without either counsel or jo.-Time.
whats the matter?'' the school
mistress asked. sBack's sore,
ma am. "What made it sore?''
Pop pounded his thumb with a
Ratchet this mornin' and laughed.
Epoch.
The announcement of the advent
of the seventeen-year locust this
spring as usual gives point to the
Witicism that the insect derives it's
name from the fact that it comes
regularly for seventeen years in sue
cession. But, for that matter, so
does the joke
Whenever the English bishops have
reason to suspect that the public are
beginning to think them Indifferent
to the duties of their high calling,
they go in body to the House Of
Lords and vote against the deceased
wife sister bill. York Tribune.
He went out west, but he did not
stay, for the life of boomer is far
from gay. He was out of cash, but
t he turned in his track and painfully
worked his passage back, and as he
softly sang: "A returning boomer is
a boomerang"
Diner-out: Waiter, how's this?
l have discovered a collar button in
my soup" Waiter: Yes, sab, you's
de lucky man. We has prize soup on
Mondays an Wednesdays. A harm
some gift in every twentieth plate.
sab. "-Once a week.
Parson returning from church, to
small boy with apole) DO you know
where the little boys go who go fish
| ing on the sabbath?'' Small boy
with pride and alton )-'sY on
| just bet | do, and I ain goin' to
give the snap away, eitherr'
Isn't that rather a peculiar ring
for man to wear?" asked Mr.. Madi-
son Squeer OF Mr.. Epson Downes, as
they met in one of those up town
cafes, where they don't sell cafe.
Dunno, !" replied Mr.. DoWnes. gloom
lily; 'Itried it on a girl, and she didn't
seem to think it was what she
wanted. Puck.
Come, John, get up said Johns
wife briskly, it's Z o'clock. You
said you wanted to get up at ~
Il know it, dear; but it was last
night when said SO. It's easy
enough to get up the night before
anu ne uoSeus Oh again.
Poor sutton to rich belle who has
accepted him: Il cannot give you
diamonds, darling. I am poor
Rich Belle: ooh, never mind, Edwin;
lean buy my own, all / want; but.
you can give me an occasional ruby
or sapphire now and then
DR.. Carpenter was noted for the
quickness OF his wit, and it was a
common saying in the town in which
he lived that he always had an an
swer ready when it was required.
He was once introduced as ssDr. Car
ter. Immediately his friend saw
his error and corrected himself.
6 Never mind, 2 said the doctor; It's
only slip Of the pen. 2