Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1889-09-23
CAUGHT A TARTAR.

A ssecsieais HANDSOME young man -
slzuIlinx do~n Fifth avenue, New Yorksgreas
boujevari Of sealfh and fashion he vas
rather tai, vel builf, elegantly dressed, bos
yet did not seem to be happy He seemed 70
be absent minded, and there Vas on bus face .
cnreworn lock A stout gentleman. about
tan years older than the ysons eeatieman
with the sad, care~orn expressann. Vas COM
ing from the opposite direction He stopped
and exclaimed heartily:
@why, John. how do you do. my dear boys
Have ysu forgotten your old friendr
DO tor, declare didn't see you until yoa
spoks'
-AaI vet you were looking right at me-.
Don't apologize, for I'm not going to reproach
ycu When a man marries one Of the pref
hest girls in New York-and one who Is rsch
besiie-it is no wonder be don't sec his friends
when be meets them on the street"
-Doetor, am not going to dispute with
you. for admit that i am a little absent
minded 1t is true that l am very happy,
but
But! What do you mean by that quaniy-
ing Nordi Are there any mitigating e1rcum-
stances, so To speakF
NO, can't say that there are, but"
HtEG " d--1A[i- Va tOAf5r NSAt ''-.->s
you To give anything away, but II you have
any trouble you can eonflde 1t to an Old
friend with perfect safety Perhaps l, being
doctor, can suggest remedy.
Il would be perfectly happy il it were not
for my wife's mother She il devotedly at
tacheti 10 her daughter. They are as much
toget err as if they were Sianiese twins !
have been married whole week, but ! have
sch Wifi. Htsz m
since the ceremony. fully intended TO take
bridal tour, but when Mrs Swiftly said she
would 20 along, to take care of Us, changed
NV mind When l want to travel for mis-
cry. instead Of for pleasure, can drive an
undertakers wagon. The truth is, my dear
doctor, that ii is with difficulty that can
persuade myself that am really married"
THAT Is a bad state Of things don't see
how any remedy can be applied, but perhaps
your mother in-law may marry again. She
is upwards Of 20 l suppose, although nobody
would think so to look at her Widows are
like young babies The first six months they
cry a great deal, the second six months they
begin to take notice, and they experience a
good deal of difficulty in getting through the
second summer Without meaning any dis
respect to your worthy mother-in-la ven
lure Tue tiilit SHe an
and then You will be liberated In this com
try the marriageable age for wome runs
from l. To l07.T
Don't mention such thing, doctor, as Mrs
Swiftly marrying"
"Why noti"
"My wife is to inherit all her mother'spro
erty. II she marries again may be left out
in the cold. 1t makes me shudder to hear you
Il al
you are right That would never do. l
wish | could suggest some plan, but ! don't
see how can he Of any use to you
"You can help me, doctor, and you must.
Call around at the house this evening. My
mother-n-law is very pleasant converse
ZIONIST | know you like good bottle OF
wine and fine cigar. She don't object TO
smoking. I've got them both in abundance.
You can entertain Mrs. Swiftly while l and
my wife take little walk. You are the very
man want. All you have to do is to talk to
my mother-in-law for an hour or so while
become acquainted with my wife You, too,
are a splendid conversational, and are so full
OF wit and humor that you can get her 50 inter
ested in your conversation that she will not no
tee our absence This is a hideous fix am in.
know she means well, but her kindness is
killing me. Do you know what her kindness
reminds me Off
II can't imagine"
MY mother in law reminds me of tame
bear who loved his master very much. One
day the bear saw d. on his masters head,
and thinking to do his muster a favor he
struck blow at it, and I, away the fly,
but nearly knocked hi masters head Off My
mother-inlaw irnagines that being constantly
III the room with me and my wife that she is
showing great kindness but | would pre-
fer to have her hit me on the back of the neck
with a rolling pin"
my dear fellow, you know that l dislike
ladies' SOC :"
YES, know you are really woman hater,
but | wish You would do me the favor 10 come
over to -night and talk to my mother-in- law I"
"Well, for r sake, I'll do it."
Thanks, thousand thanks I'd do as much
for you
"Don't mention it. By the way, do you
know why the word honeymoon is only APP
piled to young married l,eople.'
That's something tina has puzzled me ever
since got married"
at is because the moon only affects the
tied. Now you understand, don't your said
the genial doctor, as they parted.
ne ihtlNs 10 tf!iS conversation were John
Kimball, young New York lawyer who had
recently married tho only daughter of Mrs
Swiftly, the wealthy widow of a dry goods
merchant. Kiniballs friend, Dr. Raymond,
was jovial man Of about 50 years Of age,
who mot with a disappointment early in life,
and who, consequently hal settled aversion
to matrimony.
Kimbal lived with his wife and her mother
s,, oh.
IIighbridgo
AS he turned to 20 to the station on the ele-
vated he seemed to be changed man, owing
TO the promise of his friend DIR. RAYMOND.
His face seemed as devoid of care as that of a
stingy man who had inhaled laughing gas at
ten cents Ia. ha, at the expense of some
body else, to use an expression borrowed from
the advertisement of n country dentist
Supper was scarcely over when Mrs.
Swiftly proposed that she, the young hus-
band and his wife Emily should take stroll.
when the door bell rang and DR.. RAYMOND
was announced.
Mrs. Swiftly, allow me to Introduce yor,
to my friend DIR. Raymond He is gentle
man who stands III the front rank Of his pro-
fession. and who is a gentleman of extraordi-
nary wit and humor"
my friend Johns praise will be somewhat in
the nature Of a disappointment, for when
come to deliver the goods they will not come
up to the sample" remarked the doctor.
Mrs Swiftly responded, smilingly, that she
had great confidence in her son-in- laws iudg-
mont, and requested the doctor to make him
self at home.
In a short time Dr. Raymond and Mrs.
Swiftly were sp husily en- yageti in converse
ton that she did not perceive that John and
his wife were NJ longer in the room They
had taken advantage Of the opportunity to
indulge in the unlear'i-of luxury OF n stroll
with the mother -n-law left out
The silvery rays of the pale moon twinkled
among the new born leaves Of the naples
The lazy zephyIs of the night famed their
faces as they iled about the velvety lawn.
and anon a gentle sigh would find its way
from each loving breast calling and answer
ing like spirits of the night Time passed so
quickly that John was astonished to find, on
looking at his watch by the light OF match,
that twp whole hours had passed since they
had left the house. AS they entered the
parlor after their stro.- John cast an anxious
hook at his mother in laws face, but there
was nothing to Indicate that she was aware Of
their abseuee. She was laughing heartily at
some facetious remark of the doctor, who also
seemed to be in the best of spirits.
John accompanied his friend to the front
gate when the latter took his leave. There
were real tears of gratitude in the young
husbands eyes as he said
Doctor, it is easier to make New York