The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1889-04-20
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-"Who are the fools Of the human
racep" This is an easy one. II the
query were, Who are the wiser IL
would be poser.-Boston Courier.
--Soarandnop (grandiloqueptly) -
Yes; it pays to do right Honesty is
the best policy after ALL" Frankley-
"Why don't you have it renewedP"-
Time.
What is the future of lrelandp'
exclaimed the Senator, in earnest tones.
calmly, "has no future; it is noun."-
Burdette.
As the warmer weather comes on,
metals begin to expand. A ten-dollar
gold piece reaches u great deal further
when the gas-man and the goldman
have relaxed their grip.-Puck.
Dean Burgon once ended an ami
mated sermon with-"And so Jonah
was lodged in the whales belly, where,
my dear brethren, we will leave him
until we meet again next Sabbath"
The drama is getting more and
more realistic. Real babies, real water,
real burglars, are among the advertised
realities. We have hopes of future
play with real actors. - Baltimore
American.
-Clcmcntine-"I l had known you
married me only for my money | would
never have accepted you" Montague
--''And if I'd known you were going to
be so close with it would never have
proposed. Life.
Miss BaclSbite (wbo has been dis
cussing several of her friends mis-
deeds) Nov, you know, never re-
peat scandals" Mrs. Candor =
No, my dear, I've heard you invent
them. "-Philadelphia Press.
Picture Dealer exhibiting paint
ing)-"That, sir, is genuine Turner"
Purchaser-"Yes, / see. You have to
turn it AROUND good many times be-
fore you cdn make out what it is."-
America.
Old Lady-"My dear, doyo really
think you are fit to become minister 8
wife?" Engaged Niece (from the
WesD--"Yes, indeed. / don't mind
being talked about at all."-N. Y.
Weekly.
-Father-"Well, how did you come
out on the bean-guessing contestP"
Dull boy-'I guessed there was $50
beans in the jar, and there was 5000"
Father (sadly)-"Pm afraid you'll
never be fit for any thing but weather
bureau chief. "-Philadelphia Record.
"A warming: Jay Gould will pass
through Cor go through) the city at
two o'clock this afternoon, en- route to
the Southwest. If the citizens will ex-
hibit little activity, perhaps they can
Gould arrives. Haute Express.
-Husband--"Well. love, have you
some cold chicken for supper, as you
promised?" Newly-made bride-"Yes,
darling; IL bought a beautiful live
chicken, and it has been yelling in the
refrigerator for more than two hours.
| think it must be cold by this time. -
Lowell Citizen.
-"9es," said Dumley, proudly, 81
was a soldier in the war of the rebellion,
and if do say it myself, made a good
one" The thrill of admiration which
was about to start through the party
was suddenly stopped by Featherly,
who said musingly: "Let me see,
Dumley, it was in '64. wasn't it, that
you were drafted?"-Epoch.
Jones (to Brown who had just
dropped in to borrow fiver)-"Well,
I'll do it this time, but wonder you
are ashamed to be always in debt.
Look at me. | don't owe a penny"
Brown-'Dare say not, old man. You
haven't borrowing face. Nobody
would trust you" Pick Me Up.
IL remember riding homo in a
horse-car with Henry w. Paine one
day." remarked Il story-teller, apropos
of this eminent Maine jurist. paine
was reading sheepskin-bound volume
Of law reports. A mutual acquaintance
hailed him and said: See here, Paine,
do you have to study law still? This
isn't law said Paine, it's only COL
lection of decisions of the Massachu-
sets Supreme Court. " - Lewiston
journal.
L