Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-01-07

"a
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It is not vet settled whether Canada
will be admitted as two states or sixteen.
Why is it that lamp in a room where
there are 1.-TWO souls with but single
thought always goes out?
A newspaper poet demands to know
'sWhere are the girls of the pasty" Bring
ing up the girls of the future, don't you
think?
"Boireau" tries his best to pay COM
pliment to his lady love :-"If had such
small feet as yours l wouldn't be able TO
stand up"
"a lady from under the mountain
walked into the office of one of our den
lists the other day and called for set OF
'Chiny teeth
In Dakota and around the North Pole
generally they fasten their stationary ice
lines to jumping jacks and haul in the
fish when the jack goes into commissions.
Little Pitcher-Have you got gills, Mr..
Green? Mr.. Green-No, my boy; what
put that into your head? Little Pitcher
Nothing only heard pa tell ma you
drank like a fish, and thought you must
| have gills.
Theater goer Cindignantly?-The idei
of a baby yelling like that at theater
why don't you have the youngster put
outg Manager (helplessly)-I don't dare
It's the pet grandchild of the little actress
you threw that bouquet to.
Sloyd is the new word which looks like
slang, but is not. Sloydites, according
to the Toronto Globe, are persons inter
ested in introducing manual training into
the pnblic schools. Don't be discouraged
by the name.
She-Perhaps you are not aware, Col
onel Snarlington, that 1 had half a dozeI
offers before yours. He-And perhaps
YOU are not aware, Mrs. Snarlington, tina
proposed to a dozen different womeI
before met you.
Farmer Oatcake-You won't find an.
chickens here to steal, Free! Freetrad
Ferguson-I know dat, boss, for too
'em all las week. But rs willing ter TAX
yer chicken coops OFF yer hands at reas
nable figgah, eff yer'll call it squar!
II tell you Candidus," said Scribuler
1.-the public is fairly going wild over m
poems. "Indeed?" replied Candidus, -
am sorry to hear that. If you wish Z
conceal yourself until it calms down, VIII
my house is at your service"
A lady in Birmingham wrote TO lad
friend in Montgomery to come up an
spend week with her. Among other IN
ducements held out she offered this "lo
can sit at my front window and see se'
EN- funerals go by every day"
"Ah." exclaimed Fogg, looking u
from his newspaper, "another clergyma
come to grief!' whats thats" eXclaim
ed half Il dozen voices. GLOW did 1t hal
pen?" 1T was at funeral, replied Fogi
| and everybody calculated "Pooh"
| You cannot always tell what Poop
mean by what they say? but when u
, bottom comes out of the ash barrel thu
a man is Juggling and straining to get Z
the cellar steps, and the man says som
thing, it is safe to assume as gener
} thing that he means 1t.
Chow do you feel now?" asked the ge
4 eral manager of a tar-and-feather soci'
: as he poked handful of feathers betwe'
his victims teeth. II feel down in q
mouth" the latter replied. Whereup'
, six revolvers were instantly emptied In
the same cavity.
"Hello, Bromley, that isn't the fl
! thing! You promised that If your 81
lost the election you'd shave OFF one VIII
ker." "well, haven't I?' Yes; but y
have shaved off both of them" 'oh' III
is all right. / lost the other one on
same kind of bet with Darringer."
They were viewing the leaning tow
of Pisa. "What do you think Of IT, /
sha?' asked Lady Porkchop. "Don't
strike you as being a little crookedy' 81
the worst out o plumb thing ] ever ha
SEEN" replied her husband. "The C
O tractor coutdn build a chicken-coop
al me-"
if Wife Counting over her change al
n making purchases)-I guess he's CIV
me the wrong change. Husband (savai
y ly)-I thought so, ] thought 50; tina
the way my hard-earned money go
Trust woman TO get fooled. Go oo
to the counter and get it made right
= once. Wife returns TO the counter q
e '' hands the clerk two-dollar bill. J
Of Why, what have you been doingr "
am Making the change right. He gave
est two dollars too much. ii (more saVa
=. ~ ly than ever)-well, by jings, you are
the idiot.