davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
AN INSULT TO VETERANS.

Cook County, Ill,-the county in
which Chicago is situated--clothes its
paupers in the blue of the United States
army. The Herald of Chicago is SEN
sible enough and patriotic enough to
protest and wants TO hear from Grand
Army posts on the subject, 1t should
hear from great many of them The
thing is an outrage.
1t can hardly be pleasant thing for
IA veteran to look upon the inmates of
The Cook County poorhouse, The
paupers in such city as Chicago
should not remind the observer of the
men who fought to save the Union, 1t
Is to be hoped the Chicago Herald
will be successful in enforcing the
chang it demands. 1t Is said that the
blue suits for the paupers are from
some cause cheaper than others. That
is pitiful excuse for the action of the
Chicago authorities.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

A lot of livery men We're hauled up before
the Police Court this morning for not keep
ing the cab stand In front of the b. and o.
depot clean. Allison Naylor's was made a
test case and diemissed.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Mrs. LaDgtry says she had 10 give up the
part of Lady Macbeth on account of her
health. And yet we have an idea that II
there was any sickness occasioned by her
personation OF that character, most Of II
was distributed through the audience.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
THE puRLIo,s COLUMN.

Communication on any matter of current
interest will be cheeriully printed in THE
ORITIc under this head, Letters should in all
cases be as brief as possible.1 -Si a.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

IP THIS country is going to get int
more Samoan difficulties in other qu.
OF the globe, 1t is urgently requested
some country be selected with whic
have telegraphic connections
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Whats the difference between second
class railroad ticket and Il fine tenderloin
steakl
One is "A fret cut rate, and the other a
e. rHrst-rate cut
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

CoSGREssMAN CALF" TAYLOR of :
essce is right when he says that iron
coal are what will make his State 90
publican. Iron and coal are great Re
lican agencies.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

PILOT GROVE, TEXAS, March g. Editor
Critic, Plase give me the address of some
first-class art institution. wish to take
painting and caricature under nrst-class
artist. SAM @. LASpERsoS.
[smdents' Art League, New York city.l
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
Candid Confession.
(Chlcaao Uerald.O

DR., Henson has been sermonizing on hell
again. The Herald has been showing up
the same seaport of late, There is good
sized section Of II right here In Chicago.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

NEW HAMPsuuRE has conclude
general vote to take no water
liquor.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

sT. PATRIoK's DAY this year will n
quite the national holiday 1t has beer
four years past Explanation is
necessary
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Why is plank on top of Trinity Church
steeple Ikea fashionable boarding-house
Because the board is very high.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

HEREAFTER man will not be eli
to the Governorship of West Virginia
less he was born triplets
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
Perfuned.

When ia lady who is tying up wreaths
of flowers like a favorite perfumes
When she's knottcr Of roses (attar Of
rosesl
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Mr.. CLEVELAND has been earning
wages since he went to work in
York.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Why is a saucy boy like murderer
Because both are forever assassin.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

in his voice which is porientious.
believe that, as Shakespeare
Cupid has thumpcd him with h
bolt. "
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

New YoRKERs are discussing the
possibility of enlarging their city by
taking in Brooklyn and such other
suburbs as are in the same State Argu-
ments pro and con are offered, and the
general sentiment favors the enlarge
ment II is bad policy, all the same,
and the best evidence to that effect is
the city of London, which is now almost
nngoyenably large, and rapidly ap-
preaching a condition which may be
best described as dangerous. The
government of London, with its rapidly
growing population, causes more anxiety
TO the mind Of the English statesman
than does impulsiye Ireland, and New
York win be wise not to get into the
condition London now is
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Al what time during the war did General
Grants early training prove most advanta-
geous'
When he tanned or leathered the rebels,
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

What ia the difference between Wash
inston boy and suicideH
One ia o fcio desc and the other is d. G..
fellow.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

THE CURRENT POLITICIAN is just at
present more interested In the Office he
hopes for than he is In the important
results of protective tariff on the in
dustries of the country, The tariff is
getting long g-needed rest.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

From well-Known Humorist.
When does a negro become an indispens-
: able adjunct to the schoolroom2
When his wife lectures him, for then he
10 black bored.
Why would bill collector make a good
.seteetivet
Because he's always finding people out.
What should be done with laws which
are no longer respected'
They should be sent to the "dead letter.
Office.
Why is young lady given to cutting
aequaintances like the Capitol at Wash
ingtonf \
(stairs).
Profitable For Both.
Why is pereon who has penchant for
cheap things like saloon keeper'
Because he 10 interested in bargains.
oh, shun Such Jokes.
Why is the "Broad Atlanticn like an un-
substantial thing Of the imagination2
II is only notion Ian ocean).
Classical.
Why is Mecca like Hutchinson's corner
In wheatS
Because there was great prophet (proat)
In II.
81. "A Friendly Question.
Why are friends of my childhood like
Imaginary friendsi
Because they are friends of mine in
fancy Infancy. ;.
"A Stfcker.
What is the difference between wound
and the plaster coyeringitY
One hurts the hide, while the other hides
the hurt.
A Hint TO the Mayor.
| Why is Mayor Grant like native Of Cy-
lonY
Because heis a Cingalee tsingle he)
Two Promising Ones. - .-..
Why 10 a minister not so good a man as
gamblerP
Because, no matter how good man he
is the gambleris the better.
A Question Of Writing.
Why ia II impossible to write straight on
ruled paper9
Because the writing win be on an incline
| Cnk-line),
Strong Miilionaires.
Why should millionaire be strongest in
deathS
Because then his will has the mostpowcr.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Panorama open from 0 a. m. TO 10 p. IN
Midgets' reception, to afternoons, 2 to o
evenings,
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

What is the difference between man
holding straight flush at poker and
heavy east wind
One sees a heavy raise and the other
raises heavy SEQ.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

GovERSoR Hill says II am Dem
ocrat," and sticks to it, He also says;
u am q bachelor" but there Is a waYer
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

UPTo DATE, Brother Flanagan of Texa
has not discovered what he is here for.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
The batter Is Everything.

Why is game of baseball like buck
wheat cakep
Because It depends great deal on the
batter.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

A Hint TO the Mayor.
Why is Mayor Grant like native of Cy-
lonY
Because he is a Cingalee tsingle he)
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
She Repented Her wrath.

"Deed Ise sorry, sd,n We're the last
words Sidney Vincent heard as he went
down stairs into the hole at the Police
Court this morning TO wait for the van TO
take him to jail for thirty days, 1t was his
sweetheart, Sarah Wormley, who said II TO
him, and he had just been given the thirty
days for assaulting her He saw her on
Seventh street with another and yellower
man, and as the man was bigger than him
self he had to whip Sarah.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

MAYOR GRANT of New York will
Hewittize the Irish on st. Patrick's Da,
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

why ID a munster not 30 goou o man % 9
'gambler9
Because, no matter how good a man he
is the gambler Is the better.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
4 Eugene Field In Chicago News.

Nothing isn,Ore amusing than 10 make conan.
drums. TUE Critic loiH print all good ones
sent III and offers prise for he best lot. See
drum lonlaeI ~
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

TR Carrie offers S5 for he best lot Of comm.
drums sent IN, The prize ls LHcOHsidefdble, but
n WW BE- at iedst an amusement 10 compete
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
CRITICULAR.
COME HOME, PERRY

COME HOME, PERRY!
Perry, dear Perry, come home to me now,
The clock In your steeples run down,
knew you were coming right home from
Madrid,
AZ soon as struck washing-town
Come home; come home;
Dear Perry, sweet Perry,
Come home
From "Unsung songs,"- by J. G.. Blaine.
This is sent In by young man in the
Treasury Department;
RIsMET.
The morning breaks, aud with It's light,
Comes heavy head and heavy sigh,
A duh remembrance OF the night 3.
Tho morning breaks and so dol.
The man with low spirits has hypochon-
dria, but the man with high spirits never
has low-pochondria.
A K-street girl with tender heart calls
IL Mash Wednesday.
Chicago Mother TO New York Dancing
Master; So you have taught my daughter
to dancer
d. NJ: I am proud to say, madam,
have. .,..J -
Chicago Mother Well, dozen teachers
have tried 1t before you and failed. You
certainly have accomplished great feat
D. NJ: All, thank you, madam. 4 have
accomplished two great feet.
Mrs. Dubarr; Il hear, Mrs Rongwerd,
that Mr.. and Mrs. Jayball have separated
Mrs Rongwerd: Yes, and all onaccount
Of Mrs. Jayball's temper. Why that woman
is perfect terminus.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
A Question of Muzzles

What is the difference between baseball
catcher and o soldier at warS
One muzzles the face and the other faces
tho mxzle
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Mn. HARRIsoN has not done any ''ghoul
ish gleer business yet.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

THE Fifticth Congress will 90
in history as the pncumoniacs.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Who was the first social disturberP
Noah-because he was an arkist tan
archist.)
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
Attention, Letter Writers.


why need you never fear postscript9
Because II Is necessarily submissive.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Why should millionaire be strongest in
deathH
Because then his will has the most power.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Why is It impossible to write straight on
ruled paper?
Because the writing viii be on an incline
1nk- -line). !.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

Take things easy and bottle Of DR.,
Bulls Cough Syrup and you will be rid of
your cold.
All druggists sell Salvation OIL, the pain
exterminator. Price 25 cents a bottle.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14
A substitute's Troubles.

An Englishman named st, John has been
travelling in the West. He got so tired ex-
planning TO every one that his name was
pronounced '.siniun'' that he finally hired
man to do IL for him., and at last ac-
counts the man had got into six fights with
groveling hotel clerks whotried to persuade
him that he didn't know how to pronounce
his employers name--[st. Louis Globe
Democrat
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

A few days ago the cars landed at Me-
Keesport, Pa, young man without legs,
a handsome, dasbing brunette, a hand cart
and dog The girl harnessed the dog to
the cart, lifted the man into il and helped
to push the cart across the Reynoldtown
bridge, where they took the train aud de-
parted, Later in the day an officer from
Letonla, Ohio, arrived in search of them,
He said they We're elopers.
The Washington critic., 1889-03-14

HEumou's bottled Maezern beer. Tele-
phone call, 634-3.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05
Reverence Your Pastor.

Teach the children and young people to
reverence the Office Of the minister. He
ought never to be uafavorably criticised or
abused in their presence Il makes bad
impression and erects barrier between
them and the man Of God They lose re-
spect for him, and their confidence is low.
cred To thar extent. Many parents have
destroyed, uneonsciOusly, their ehildren's
piety By belit,ling in their hearing the char
acter and work of the preacher. Let them
always welcome him to their homes, and
whether present orabsent speak to him and
Of him in that way that the children win
recognize him as a good man worthy of
their love and confidence, Then the door
Of his usefulness in such home Is thrown
wide open. His visits and conversations
and prayers viii be benediction to the
household The peace of God through
man will abide there. And thus it is that
if the preacher will do his duty to the peo-
pie and the people will do their duty to the
preacher he will indeed and in truth be a
pastor TO the flock of God, leading them
into green pastures and beside refreshing
streams, and the church win flourish under
his ministry. The preacher cannot please
everybody If he does he is not possessed
of much force Christ, the most powerful
preacher that ever lived, did not please all
who heard him A man of positive char
acter is bound to push somebody out of his
way. Some one now and then will get
hurt a little. What, then, is the duty of
people who don't exactly agree with their
minister 2 Is it the best for them and the
church to criticise him before their fami-
/ lies and before the community ? Not at
all. The work of the Lord has suffered
! from this. kind of thing. A few indiscreet
tongues can counteract all the good for a
whole year that the minister is capable of
doing. A faithful, helpful people will
make a faithful helpful preacher. But if
the people set themselves to pull against all
the enterprises of the preacher, his useful
ness will be limited.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05
Peru's Curse of Wealth.
ON the Cincinnati Enquirer.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
1t was the wealth of Peru and Bolivia
which was their curse from the time of
Pizarro to that of modern Chile Guano
has been exported since 1916 from Peru,
and the annual shipments are said to have
amounted to $40, 900, 900 and $4,000, 900,
whereas the whole population of the coun-
try was not greater than Pennsylvania.
The epidemic of riches broke both the
Government and the people and broughtin
foreign enemies. How much better are
we off in some parts Of this country, with
all our riches and so little fortitude? The
guano running down, nitrate of soda was
found in the deserts, and Chile came in to
get this, and destroyed Peru ':The whole
coast" says Curtis, from the twenty-third
to the twenty-6fth parallel of latitude ap-
pears to be one solid mass of this valuable
mineral, fit for hundred different uses,
and worth in the market from $40 to $50
ton. One would. think that we had
something analogous to it in our alkaline
plains. 1t was discovered in 1888, in
South America, by an old Englishman
named George Smith They say it viii
take eight or ten centuries to dig it away
Nobody knows how the nitrate was formed
under the sands of this desert Shoveling
off the sand, you come to course of sun
baked clay, and under this is a bed Of
white material, like melting marble, and
soft as cheese 1t is about four or FIVE
feet thick, and is broken up BY crowbars
and ground. A solution from it is run in
to watts of sea water, and crystallization is
caused. The ultimate result is an iodine
of commerce costing as much per ounce as
the saltpetre brings per hundredweight. The
highest grade goes. to the powder mills, the
next to the chemical works and the third
to the fertilizer factories"
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05
VOL. XXIV.-NO. 9.

audibly as he passed; they were most in
sulting to his sons. But, worse than this,
they threw off Unionism, and many who
had been true-blue Tories all their lives
followed the stream and declared their in
tention of voting for Rowantree Rowan
tree became more and more popular every
day. His speeches were spiced with a
sarcasm and invective that exactly suited
the taste of the time The Captain, on the
contrary, failed to get hearing at all;
storms of ridicule and shrieks of laughter,
mingled with objurgations, drove. him from
every platform, and when the election took
place Rowantree headed the poll with an
enormous majority. And Ophelia She
married, after all, young Christopher Scrub;
with the willing consent of her mother,
who no longer attached that Importance to
considerations of blue blood, on the value
of which she had received so severe a
lesson
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05
Advice About Pianos.
why Fney Get Out of Tune-A Growing
Plant I'm the Room Remedy.

ssThis is the time of year when we are
driven nearly crazy with work, said a
tired-looking piano tuner to a reporter
Everybody wants his piano tuned, and
most of them forget about it till the last
moment Cold, dry days throw pianos
out of tune every time, and besides that,
the sounding boards are beginning to split.
Il always surprises me what poor care most
people take of their pianos. Let man
buy an expensive watch and he'll treat it
as though it were a live thing, but people
don't seem to realize what a delicate piece
of mechanism a good piano is. Pianos are
not affected so much by heat or cold as
they are by dryness or dampness. OF
course if you stick one end of piano up
against stove, or heater, or register,
and let the other end come near Geld,
leaky window, it'll raise Ned with it, but
most people are onto that. The trouble is
the piano is too dry.
'sYou know the sounding board-the
life of piano-is forced into the case when
il's made 50 tightly that it bulges up
in the centre, or has belly, as We call it,
on the same principle as a violin. The
wood Is supposed to be as dry as possible,
but, of course, it contains some moisture,
and gathers lot more on damp days and
in handling. Now, when you put piano
in an overheated, dry room all this mois-
ture Is dried out, and the board loses its
belly and gets aahby, and finally cracks.
Even if it doesn't crack, the tone loses its
resonance and grows thin and tinny, aud
the felt cloth, aud leather used in the ae-
tion dry up, and the whole machine raltles,
and everybody kicks.
How can you prevect it Easily
enough. Keep growing plant in the
room. aud 50 long as your plant thriyes
your piano ought to, or else there's some
thing wrong with it. just try it, and see
how much more water you'll have to pour
in the flower pot in the room where your
piano is than in any other room. Some
people keep huge vase or urn with a
soppiug-wet sponge in it near or under the
piano, aud keep il moistened just as cigar
dealer Keeps his stOa; They keep this up
all the time the fires are on
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05
A Pocket Handkerchief.
From 81. ganes Gasetle.

From ST. James Gazette.
Until the reign of the Empress Jose
phine, handkerchief was thought in
France so shocking an object that lady
would never have dared to use it before
any one. The word even was carefully
avoided in refined conversation. An actor
who would have used handkerchief on the
stage, even in the most fearful moments of
the play. would have been numerically
Kissed, and it was only in the beginning Of
the present century that a celebrated ac-
tress, Mile Duehesnoise, dared to appear
with the handkerchief in her hand Hav-
ing to speak Of this handkerchief in the
course of the speech, she could not sum
mon enough courage to call it by its true
name, but referred to it as light tissue
A few years later translation of one Of
Shakespeare's plays by Alfred de Vigny
having been acted, the word handkerchief
was used for the first time on the stage,
amid cries Of great Indignation from every
part of the house. Il doubt, says a
writer, eff even to-day French elegants
would carry handkerchiefs if the wife Of
Napoleon L had not given the signal for
adopting them The Empress Josephine.
although really lovely, had bad teeth To
conceal them she was in the habit Of car
rying small handkerchiefs, adorned with
costly Iaces, which she constantly raised
gracefully to her lips. ofcourse, all ladies
of the court followed her example. and
haudkerchiefs have repidly become an im-
pOrtant part of the feminine toilet
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05

A dealer in cutlery expresses the opinion
that not one man in fifty knows how to
sharpen pocket knife. "a razor, he
says, ''must be laid fiat on the hone, being
hollow ground and requiring fine edge.
But pocket knife requires a stiff edge,
and the moment you lay it fiat on stone,
so as to touch the polished side, you ruin
the edge The blade must be held at an
angle of twenty or twenty-five degrees and
have an edge similar to chisel. This is
technically called the 'cannel, and is marked
on all new knives by fine white line
which does not remove or touch the polish
ed surface. Knives improperly whetted
are often condemned as too hard or too
soft without reason"
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05

A mechanical engineer, writing about
betting materials, advises machinists to
select belts of light color in preference to
others. ''The best betting" he writes,
"has an unmistakable light buff color,
which indicates that it is not only all oak
tanned, but that the leather has been
thoroughly washed by the currier to re-
move all matter except the dber The
light buff color also indicates that only the
best quality of greases have been used; if
the latter are of inferior quality they dark
en- and impair the leather"
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05
UHoLEsALE AND
RETAIL DRUG STORE.
ALBAUGH BUILDING.
Westminster, Nd.

Buying our goods in large quantities, We are
enabled 10 sell st a large reduction. We
quote Better Color, Wells, Richardson 4
Co.'S. 81 per gallon in bulk; Horse and Cattle
Powders. Q genuine article, We can and VIII
sell you al I5c per pound, or two pounds for
4 quarter IN bulk. We guarantee all our
goods as strictly pure. Our spices, sneh as
EiaEamon, Cloves, Ailspiee and Pepper, as
well as our drugs, we have ground especially
fsr a.. and test them according 70 the United
States Phartpacopia. We are The propsieiors
of Bnckley Hair Wash, Majors Liniment,
Gravson's Cough Syrup, Grayson's Dlarrh9a
cnre. Graysons Pile Salve and Whites Tooth
Powder. all Of which preparations are sold
largely throughout the country and highly re-
c0mmended By the medical profession.
aealsf
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1889-01-05
llrATR % MARYLANp.
- 0FT4cE or THE SECRETARY or STAT
AxxApolas, December 50th, 1855

10 UFTIcE or TIIE oECKtTAh4 OF oIAIt.
AxxApolAs, December 5oth, less.
~ al H-hoia 4 nary CoaccrR;
Notice IS hereby given that application has
been made to bis Excellency, Z. 4. Jackson
Governor Of Maryland, for The pardon Of Jo-
seph II. Daefing, alias Jos. h. Allen, Jr.,
VIC was convicted al the November term,
1896. Of the Circuit Court for Carroll county
Of bieamy, and sentenced 10 be confined IN
the MARYLAND Peuileatiary for three. years
from December 2lss, 1856.
The Governor will take up the said case FOR
6nal decision on or after Thursday, the 10th
dav az JANUARY. 1859. until which time pro.
tests against zacb pardon viii be heard, and
he papers fled open 70 inspection, at the
discretion of the Governor
By order of the Governor:
E. W. LeC0MPTR,
dec ~ 81 Secretary Of State.