The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1889-03-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

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Plucky mcn-Poulterers.
Aids to ehection-Mirrors.
Fashions surplus The hustle.
A designing man-The architect.
Epitaph for boatman-Life is oar.
Steak holders Restaurant walters.
Room for argument-1he court-room.
Time out of mind-A forgotten date.
A "cow- catcher er"-Pleuro-p pneumonia.
A hand d-to-hand affair-Courting in !
the dark.
The Oldest verse in existence-The
universe.
Beef was high when the cow jumped
over the moon.
A sad case of absence Of mind in one
20 young-The juvenile ~ won't" ., ~
A hotel advertises among its attrac.
ions ''parlor for ladies thirty-tive feeS
wide. ."-Deir0it Free Press.
"Where would you advise me TO g.,
to, doctor7 / suffer so from insomnia.
"You'd better 60 to sleep"
No man is big enough to safely Ignore
the influence that put him where ne Is
Unless he happens to be in jail.
You cannot expect man to ten
which way the wind is, simply because
he is little vain. .-Bnton Bulletin. ~
The butcher who had his whole stock
attached complained that there was too !
much lien on - Fat 4s-Ho'et4fat . 81
Mr.. vi 81, Of Chicago, said her
husband fried almost everything but
never made money until he tried lard.
The photographer is about the only
man who is not afraid to tell lady 10
shut her mouth aud try to look pleasant. \
The burning of the malt.house the
other day went against the graln: ana /
caused considerable ferment. -Nsio forSs
Ne1o'.
There is something paradoxical
about counterfeiting. 1t is money
making business which does not pay
New York Netos.
"Mary, how is it that the chairs are
all covered with dust" "Why, maam,
no one has been sitting on them so tas
today Good Housesseping..
"Heard my last joker It is great
positively Shakespearian." yes,
heard it. thought it was earlier than
Shakespeare, though n."'-Blsar.
It must seem strange, wheneer it SHOWS,
| To the man who motion lacks;
It matters not how slow he goes,
He cannot help make tracks
| Judge.
sThe wealth of the Vanderbilt family
ia now computed at $2i4.000, CO0."
There is one family that will be able to
buy ice this summer. -Richn'ond Dfs-
patch.
CIara-"Jack, can you return my
lovem lack (who has an understand
inpn with Clara's sister)-"Clara, l can,
not, but I will always be brether'in-
law to you"
He said in derislon, "Oh, give us a rest
n the copper whose eye he had caught.
The policeman with promptness did grant
the request,
And gave him arrest on the spot
anu Merchant Traveller.
"Oh, postman, tomorrow morning l
have something very important to say 70
INV husband. Couldn't you be just
little slow, so as not to deliver his news
naners till noon?"-Fliegenie BlGetter.
The infinite variety
Of winter weather .-
Breeds discomfort safety,
And ague altogether;
Discourages sobriety,
And also strict propriety
In polish on shoe leather,
-Chic1go Ne,cs.
The craze for whistling among girls Is
seriously troubling the humorous editor
of the Boston Transcript. He says 1t IS
almost Impossible to tell whether girl
is soliciting kiss, or is only preparing
to pucker. He ought to give the girl
the benefit of the doubt. Youngstown
Herald.
"And this is silver ore, is it," said
Mrs. snaggs, as she examined piece OF
curious looking mineral in Denver
smelter "Yes, my dear" said her hus-
band. "And how do they get the silver
OUT" "They smelt it." "Well, that's
queer" after applying her nose to the
ore. sI smelt it, too, but didn't get
any silver. - Omaha Eee.