The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1889-09-20
HYMEN'S HIGH PRIEST.
A Minister of Much Experience in
MatrimOny.
He Has Been Busy Uniting Tender
Young Lovers for "A Quarter of a Cent
ury Merely Unromantic
Business Transaction.

81 have married so many girls that
the ceremony no longer causes me
the slightest emotion" said the gen
tleman, suavely. There was nothing
abno NAL in the statement. He had
merely married so many girls TO an
equal number of male bipeds. In fact,
he was one of the most popular minis
ters in Chicago.
''FOr the last twenty-five years, ."
continued the minister, gravely, watch
ing the fantastic wreaths of smoke
curling upward from his cigar, II
have been marrying cUuG.ccss in my
drawing-room downstairs until the
carpet has become threadbare under
bridal feet, and the books have grown
brown with age with the fnger-marks
of couples eagerly waiting my advent
Is there week that passes without
my uniting couple? Never. /
am eternally tying poor humanity
into knots that only our free-and-easy
divorce courts or death can sever.
Several times each week / am visited
by those who, for reasons of their own,
can not marry at home, or decline to
do so on the ground of objecting to
what they consider the old style, COM
monplace, milk-and-water nuptial
celebrations L have married all
classes of people, from the children of
the wealthicst parent. to the of
spring of the INDECENT Well, sir.
after two years practice-I will call
1t practice, as there was something
legal about it-I decided that the
Adams and Ewes were all alike on
their wedding day; Ih2t L could adopt
one method of treatment for the rich
and poor; that | need only use one
formula of small talk for the occasions
Thus l have saved myself a heap of
trouble, and now get through each
ceremony with the same nonchalance
that the surgeon shows in PROBING a
trivial wound.
''Now, I'll tell you my method,
which as nearly as possible is always
the same. Suppose / am sitting in my
library reading aher dinner, and that
/ have enjoyed my repast so much
that begin to doze. don't say that
it is invariably the case. But sup
pose it. Then suppose awake at the
sound of voices beneath my window,
and hear some such conversation as
this: Ring the bell, dear from a
man.
"'Oh, John, don't like to. He!
hel You ring it, love, he! he! Oh,
I'm getting so nervous 1 feel as
though l should faint Needless to
say this comes from the bride.
"'Well, don't let us stand out here
all night catching cold. I'll ring it
from another man, very matter-of-fact
tone.
Now, he's rung it We're in for
it Hei her-from the bride again.
''Well, this does not cause me the
least worriment. / am so completely
accustomed to it that can not remem-
Der the time such talk was a novelty
TO me- try to resume my doze while
awaiting developments. They come
very rapidly. The housemaid, a vet
eran in the business herself-she has
been with me for the past five years
appears and, parrot-like, repeats the
formula in n subdued whisper:
Please, sir, a couple of folks is
downstairs waiting to see you They
says If you will kindly come down as
soon as you can, as they are in a par
ticular hurry 1 sigh, not because l
am annoyed, but in sympathy with the
pathos Maggie manages always
to imbue her time-worn commu-
nication with After 1 get through
signing l tell Maggie to take the
to them that l shall be down in few
moments. Then go on with the read
ing of my book. You see / like them
to get just a trifle impatient, for /
think il extremely important that the