Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1889-02-13
WHISkS OF WIT.

"CIcELY, dear, who was the best man
at your wedding" Why. my husband,
of course. Time.
"FoRTuNE knocks once at each mans door"
This we re inclined to doubt;
Or if she ever knocked at ours
We certainly were out.
Boston Courier.
FIRST lady-What an imperious, die
tatorial, arrogant man that Mr.. Pompus
is Second lady-Yes, you know he
has never been married. Waskinqton
Post.
SHE was hateful-Miss Lovelorn-
That young DeGarry never knows what
he is doing. Miss Caustic-Quite true.
He's Just confessed to me that he kissed
you last nlght.--Nea0 York Eue,aiasy San.
THEATRICAL Manager Ito applicant for
position )-"Do you think you would
make good walking gentleman Pr
Actor (suspiciously) =" Um-er-how
lar West are you going ?"-Neac York
Weekly.
RATHER cruel-Miss Loyelorn--Mr.
De Jinks asked me my age last night,
the .ude fellow. / just told him ] was
as old as I looked. Miss Caustic- gu
shouldn't have been SO frank-NeU
York Eoenang Sun.
Mrs. Cross g "A. M.)-Henry, what's
the matter with you? You have left
the latch-key on the outside of the
door Chris Cross-Well, m dear, you
didn't expect me t. unlock the door
rom the inside, did you ?-Puck.
Mrs. MINKs-"So you now live on
Blank Street. Is that locality respect
able?" Mrs. Winks with asperity)-"I
live there" Mrs. Minks (much hurt)
Well, think you might give civil
answer to a civil question. "-NelO York
Weekly.
TIE joke writer's observation-disclosures
tus-What are you going to do with
those letters OF yours that girl re-
turned? Julius-Pick out the ones that
are not too much soiled and send them
to my next charmer.-NeaU York EUen-
ING San.
AU MANUFACTURING lady Gin hair
store)-Dark brown switches, please.
Saleswoman-Hu hair. of course
Young lady-Certainly Saleswoman-
With or without? Young lady-With
or without what? Saleswoman-Dan-
drutf. Epoch.
PIGEON English unnecessary.-Cus-
toner (who has LETT his bundle of wash
ing and received a check from the
Chinaman in xchange)-Li-tee nam-ee
once back-ee. Wun Lung-It's not at
all necessary. Bring the receipt on your
"Reminiscences City Times.
CADBY BRANNUE Ito Mr.. Madison
Squeer)-Look out, Squeer If you eat
any of that terrapin, you'll go to bed
to night and dream Of your grandfather.
Mr.. Madison Squeer-WeH, Cadby.
there's one comiort-I've got grand
father to dream about.-Pack.
Il L. Ill L
ingly said she'd drink champagne. AS
the sparkling aroma struck his nostrils
he shuddered convuls.vely. She (naive-
ly)-What makes you shudder when
you drink fizz, Tom? never do. He
You never pay for it.-LoWeU Courier.
MAuD-See here, Bess l hear you
are gong to be married. Didn't you
and | and Mabel agree on the 1st of Jan
as long as we lived? Bess-Yes; but
you see, girls, I've had chance. That
alters matters. Maud, Mabel-Oh !
Burlington Ia.9 Free Press.
WoMAN's Wite-If YOU
want to get an office why do you spend
all your time in saloons? Husband
The Office should seek the man, you
know, my dear. Wife-Huh | never
heard OF Office seeking men in saloons.
Husband (cohtemptuously)- shows
all you know about politics.--P bitaGeg-
phid Rec0rd.
RULES Must be Obeyed-"No dogs al
lowed On the car, if you please" said the
Conductor, as the man was followed uI
the steps by big canine. SIS that the
rule ?'' Eyes, sir" Every we'll. i
my dog can't ride, then l won't. He is
as good as [ ann Don't doubt it, sir,
but that is the rule. "-Detroit Free Press
IRATE Wife-This is a nice time fo1
you to come home! Tipsy Husband
Lasht tine, M dear, lasht time. Swear
off morrow. I. Whats what you
said last year. T. ibid l promise
hic-to swear off lasht year? I. w
You did. T. H.-Forgot all 'bout il
then. Guesh mush bin drunk at the
time.-Bosto1a Courier.
CAUSE for Anxiety.-Mrs. Dolliver-
Oh, Henry, have dropped the water
pitcher out of the window, and saw il
| light on an elderly man. Mr.. Dollive1
| turning ale)-Great Scott, Jane, you
don't know what damage you may have
| caused Mrs. Dolliver lin tears)-Yes
| do. It's pure china, and can't be re
[ do ?-Harper's Bdzar.
| A BARBER's shop is sometimes a trying
| place for men who dislike to hear Other
peoples gossip. The barber, especially
If he has little shop and is alone, must
| talk to his customers. Here ls.a scene
in country barber shop, full-beardec
and rather sour-looking gentleman be-
ing ia the chair: "Hair cut" saysthe
customer. 'All right, sir. How'll yor
! have it cut?' ''Short" s'H'm-purty
| short, or only middling?" every
short" "H'm-I wouldn't, If I wal
you" why not?" 81 don't think
! short hair would suit you at all, sir
"Oh, yes, it would; it would suit me-
exactly" H'm-what makes you thinl
so, sir?" Because [ shouldn't have
/ to come hack here for q lone time !,