Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-06-26
THE TOPICAL TALKER.
A Little Pink EpistIe of Interest TO Poet.
icaliy Afflicted Beings.


A SMALL slip of pink paper in color sug-
gestive of the blush of a modest maiden, or a
| cloudlet bathed in the dyes of sunset, lies
among prosaic clippings from the press and
miscellaneous rubbish on my desk. Upon the
pink paper delicate proposal is printed in
common everyday black ink. Without further
preface here is the proposal:
DEAR SR-We will send you copy of our new
book, '.Blank Blank If you will send us the
names and postoice addresses of all the local cor
respondents and POETS in your county that you
may know. Also book agents If you know OF
any,
This epistle is signed by publishing firm of
Chicago, and in a postscript is added to this
effect: "Names of POETS we desire most, and
we hope you will iot down every one you can
possibly think off,
~
ACCOMPANYING the delicate proposal in
pink is a circular printed on paper of lighter
shade of the same color-a sort of moss-rose
pink. The circular explains that benevolent
firm Of publishers in Chicago is seeking to en-
balm the efforts, names and biographies of all
the local and national poets of America in q
dictionary. A blank, such as census emu
merators use. is printed on the back of the cir
cular, which poets and persons POLITICALLY IN
clined are requested to fill in.
teresting to the readers of THE DISPATCH,
even if they are not afflicted with the divine
spirit of poetry. Here are few of them:
What school attended ?
Married? (Give date.)
To whom married
Color of hair
color Of eyes?
Height ?
Weight +?
When did you first commence to write?
The importance of the questions as to the
color OF the hair and eyes of the poetic being,
and his or her height and weight, may not be
understood by everybody 1t may be, however,
that the compiler of the dictionary-one would
think directory would be better title-intends
to figure out from his correspondents answers
the ideal physical conditions of the poetic na-
ture. He will find it hard to get the truth on
all points of inquiry. 1 am inclined to predict
that he will discover that according to the
answers received there is not such thing as a
poet with red hair or green or mud-colored
eyes, Again, if it is not found by this process
of Investigation that nearly every poet has
beautiful blue, black, violet, hazel or dark
brown eyes. and hair of the comeliest shades of
gold black or brown, shall be disappointed.
~xR
A FEW more questions might well be added
to the list. Such as these for example:
What is your candid opinion of your own
poetic powers?
Do you find composition easiest before or
after heavy mealR
Do you pay your wash billsf
Have you had your hair cut latelyf
How often have you been kicked down the
editorial stairs, and how many stairs were there
in each instance7
Does your wife or husband approve of your
writing poetry?
Which is your favorite insane asylum?
How many new and strictly original poems
have you written on Spring, the Beautiful
Snow, The Cleaning, Pansy Blossoms. etc.Y
Do you write in dialect? If you do, is 1t for
business reasons or pleasure? Also, what has
been your average punishment for so doinga
But the subject is too vast a one to deal with
in day. The world will await the publication
of 1.-THE Biographical Dictionary of the Local
and National Poets of America" with feverish
impatience. AS it is to be sold at SIS copy
most of US will be content to stay impatient
without it for the balance of our prosaic lives.
*.*
In reply to the request for the names of all
the poets in Allegheny county, and of all the
book agents. feel justified in saying that the
poets must be applied to Observation-Disclosures
insinuations have never been leveled against
any respectable citizen in this column. The
name of the only book agent ever knew has
escaped me-