Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1889-03-28
EvAs1vE.
A Straightforward Answer Diff
fcult to Get.
How the Texas Colonel Demonstrated That
the Average Man Lacks DirectEess of
Speech-Americans Degeneratins
Into Race of Artful Dodgers.

[Alex. Sweet, in Arkansaw Traveler.1
"Did you ever observe" said Colonel
Gilhooly, show difficult it is to get
straightforward answer, plain yes or no,
from people geMerally?"
"No, don't think ever did,"
"WeI, SIR" continued Gilhooly, 81 will
bet two schooners of beer tLat we can go
into dozen stores on Austin avenue
and ask if they have certain things, and
if they have not got them, the storekeeper
will not say SO plain out in one single in.
stance. Suppose we try it?"
The suggestion was adopted. They
strolled into a French fruit store, and Gil.
hooly said:
"Have you got green watermelon for
sale, Monsieur"
ished foreigner, "dis is ze wintaire sea-
son."
81 didn't ask you for any meteorological
intelligence. l can get that from General
Hazen. Anybody who pays ten dollars
a cord for wood is pretty apt to know
that summer has faded away, besides I
have got an almanac at hone. Once
more, my friend, have you got any green
watermelons?"
"Here is re orange, re banana and ze
appel"
81 don't want any lessons in botany.
Have you got green watermelon"
"Ze green watermelon is not ripe"
"Who said it was ripe? 1 did not ask
you whether or not it was ripe. l merely
asked you if you had green watermelon.
But, come, Spilkins, let's go. He will
give us history OF the French revolution
before he answers that question. Let US
meander."
The next placewas millinery establish.
ment in which there was pleasant look
ing female.
Madame" said Gilhooly, shave you a
fried mule for sales"
The lady got as red as turkey sobbler,
and craning her neck out, said:
Strip
"Have you fried mule in your elegant
establishment"
''No, sir, but l have got husband, and
father and brothers who will protect me
from insult"
Il didn't ask you for your pedigree,
nla'am. There is no insult intended. l
merely asked you a civil question"
John, Oh, John! Run here quick with
she six-shooter !"
Don't disturb him, ma'am, if he is
busy. If you viii say that he is a fried
mule you need not produce him. We will
take your word for it.'
John! Oh, JohnI Come quick!"
Lets 60" said Spilkins.
"You might as WE'LL" responded Gill
hooly, and the two strolled out again
Look here, Gilhooiy," said Spilkins,
"somebody will exasperate Us yet. and
get themselves into trouble. My curiosity
on the subject has vanished"
II am going to win that beer. You will
not find anybody on this street who will
say yes or no to plain question. Let's
so into this undertaker's shop"
The undertaken was a jolly looking man,
who advanced to meet them with sunny
smile, remarking:
Hope 1 can do something for you to.
day, gentlemen"
Have you any canned lobsoer:" asked
Gihooly.
Canned lobster? What makes you ask
that question:"
THAT is neither here nor there. Have
you any earned lobster or cranberry
pie?"
Great Scott this is not a restaurantr
II did not ask you about that. Have
you any baled hay, or Pope's Essay on
Man. or an ACCORDION, or a box of bunion
eradicator"
The undertaken looked at the two gentle
men and replied
Il have got two lunatics on hand,
though
The two investigators stroiled out.
"Now," said Gilhooly, "are you satisfied
that nobody in Austin will give you
straightforward answer to a straightfor-
ward question"
Il believe am" was the response, and
the two went into beer saloon and asked
the barkeeper if he had any beer.
"What kind of beer do you prefer, gen.
tlemen? l have imported beer and"
There 1t is again. l asked you if you
had any beer. Why can't you say yes if
you have any? l tell you, Spilkins, the
American people are degenerating into
race of miserable, artful dodgers and trick
sters. There is no more truthfulness left
Ia the country.