New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1889-08-14
SIN Heat Some OF These.

Ihe banana is great promoter OF
the National game. 1t will make
almost any man slide to his base.
Paddy Ito fellow-p assenger):
sOi'm siventy years Of age, and livery
wan o my teeth as perfect ais the
day [ Was born, SCRIP
]. Jones' tell you what Robinson,
/ have got one wife in a million"
Robinson That's all right, Jones.
If you had more than one we'd run
you outeof town for mormon. =
Jones 1.-THE new boarder in the
cheap boarding house Landlady
this towels very dirty. Landlady
Dirty! Why, there's been fifty
wiped on it fore you, and you're the
first tos complain.
And pray why didn't you put
new buttons on my shirts?" asked a
Bohemian of his washerwoman.
aShure, sir, because it's mesself was
thinkin ye'd be afther needin' new
shirts on the buttons. Judge.
Brown II thought you we're a
vegetarian, but I hear you eat
mutton" Robinson: Il am not a
.bigoted vegetarian. i only eat the
meat OF such animals as live on veg
stable footl.''
'Well, Johnny, 4 shall forgive you
this time; and it's very pretty Of you
to write letter to say you're sor-
ry.'' eyes, ma; don't tear it up,
please?o ,"Why, JohnnieY' ''Be-
cause twill do for the next time 2
Little Liza: .sssister May, Tommie,
is trying to pull pussy's tail out.
Isn't he:a naughty boy!" May (who
is thinking of her approaching mar
riage): "Tommie, let that cat alone.
What God hath joined together let
no man pull asunder. z
Charley Wv hats the matter, Algy?
You look like a thunder cloud! Has
anybody been cheating you lately?
Algy,I should say they had. You
know [ married my tailor's daugh-
Ter, and all the beastly fellow gave
us was my bill reeeipted in full
Time.
Cusmo-I see that Edison has in
vented a machine by means of which
a PERSONS face can be seen miles
away. Mrs. Cusnao-O. how nice!
You'll get one, George, and then
when we go to the theater you can
see a man on the street without
leaving your seat.
John Reeve was accosted in Lon
don by an elderly female, with small
bottle OF gin in her hand: "Pray,
sir, | beg your pardon-is this the
way to the workhouse?" John gave
her a look of clerical dignity, and,
pointing to the bottle, gravely said:
mo, madam, but that is.
Tramp Please, mum, | amt had
no food fer three days. Can you give
me something toeat?' Mrs. slimdiet
(haughtilyl-"My terms for board
are S z a week" Tramp (straighten-
ing up "Beg pardon fer troublin' We,
[ didn't know this was boardin'-
house. ain't hungry 'nough tereat
.boardin' house vittles.
Office boy" Here's alovely bouquet
q pretty lady leftyou.o Employer
i'Ah, yes -er, here's ten cents for you
Johnnie, and you needn't say any
thing about the bouquet to my wife. .
Office boy (pocketing the dime els
was your wife that left it here En,-
.ploy Yes, and the ten cents I
gaveyou willapply on your regular
salary
A wag called upon a young couple
to whom had recently been born !,
baby which had hair so red as to be
almost dangerous to look upon with
the naked eye. WHAT do you think
OF her, Mr.. Blank" asked the young
mother, with fond solicitude. "Wen,
madame = was the grave respo nse,
you certainly need not be at
much expense raising this child.''
why not?" with surprise. 'sBe-
cause you can set it out on a stump
and the Woodpeckers will feed it.
A gentleman in New England was
called on to address a Sabbath.
school, and during his remarks he
seemed much moved, but no one else
appeared to experience the slightest
emotion The speaker continued TO
wipe away the tears which chased
each other down his manly cheeks,
when a boy in one class said to his
neighbor:: Say. Charlie, doyou know
what that old duffer is crying about?a
We'll, said Charlie, If you had to
make a speech, and hadn't anything