Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1889-05-16
BETTER THAN MEDICINE.

The boy who stole the syrup did 81
syrup-titiously.
The lamp-lighter goes post-haste Il
business. for he always makes light o
his work.
The horse one has had and the wifi
one has not yet got are always the mos
perfect of their kind.
COUNSEL Severely to witness)-Le
me ask you this, sir: Do you believ,
in Supreme Being? well, sir, YES
sir; and if You knew my wife,"
COX the stage now, eh?" yes.
What doing?" I'm with the 'Uncl,
Toms Cabin combination" what d,
You play?" Il play the ice. Chicag,
Ledger.
A FASHION note says that satin shoe
are never worn ont. That settles it, W,
wear satin in future. The trouble will
us was that our leather shoes wore on
too quickly.
Iris solemnly stated that George Mere
dith, the English novelist, once lived OF
oat meal for an entire year. Perhap.
this Is the reason so many Of his storie:
have run as serials.
Mr.. MU,IMER-Do You like me better
then your first husband? Mrs. Mummel
Yes. Mr.. Mummer-For what rea
son, my dear? Mrs. Mummer- Becaus,
my other one is dead.
CoLoRED Minister from the pulpit
AS the air of the church seems chilly
l would ask the sexton if he will kindly
close the front doors and windows o
the building. The collection will now
be taken up.
POLITE clerk Showing ds)-Here
is something L would like to call YOU
attention to, lady. 1t is the very latest
thing out. Mrs. Rounder (absently)-
If there is anything out later than my
husband I'll take it, if only for curios
ity.
FIRST Sweet Girl-Oh, did you heal
the news? Mr.. Nicefellow, who is en-.
gagged to Clara We're de We're, Rugged
her SO hard last night that he broke one
of her ribs. Second Sweet Girl-Just
my luck. Knight have had him my.
self.
FATHER Well, how did you come Out
on the bean-guessing contest? Dull
BOY guessed there vas $50 beans in
the jar, and there was $500. Father
(sadly)-Pm afraid you'll never be fiji
for anything but weather bureau chief.
philadelphia Record.
"YEs," said Robinson, "our party had
fair success on our fishing excursion
but it was all due to Dumley" is he
an expert fisherman mo; he doesn't
know sardine from a salt mackerel
but he was thoughtful enough to bring
some fishhooks along - Harpers
Bdzdr.
MERCHANTS wife (suddenly appearing
in her husbands fice)-Hah! thought
You said your typewriter girl was an old
maid. Merchant (much confused)-
Um-er, yes, m dear, of course, OF
course but she is sick to-day, and she
sent her little granddaughter as sub
stitute.
LET your light SO shine, etc." said
the minister as the plates were passed
about the church. John, said Mrs. Fair
fax, what made you put 81 on the plate q
CThis was after church, "Old Jones,
the gas man, threw down dollar bill |:
and my electric light is twice as good as
his gas any day in the week."
BRIDE (of month 20, dear! 1 don't
know what is to become of me. My
husband is so surly and snappish and
why can't get him to give civil an
swer to single question. Sympathetic
mother-Well, you might have known
better than to marry railroad ticket
agent, anyhow.-Philadephia Record.
HE-By Jove, it's the best thing I've
ever painted, and I'll tell you what, I've
a good mind to give it to Mary Morrison
for her wedding present! His wiley
o, but, my love, the Morisons have al
ways been SO hospitable to us! You
ought to give real present, YOU know
"a fan or a scent bottle, or something
of that sort.
SHE invited another old lady to take
tea with her. After the departure of
her guest she said: well, Betsey
Blake makes mighty loud profession
of being a good church member and all
that, but watched her tonight and she
up an put three heapin' teaspoonfuls o
sugar in one cup O tea, an if she calls
that Christianity don't"
FIRST Anarchist Great heavens,
Karl, did you read in the papers what
the New Jersey White Caps did with
one of your brothers? Second Anar-
chist-No; what was it? First Anar-
chist-They took him out one night and
washed him with soap and water, and
then Second Anarchist-Gott in
Himmel, August, this is no business for
us. Lets go back to Europe. It's get
ting ACKNOWLEDGMENT Trib
ltne.
SCHOLARSHIPS wife-If your sister
comes tomorrow with her children and
with us a few days We shall
have to fry lots of pancakes, and we
have neither eggs nor butter in the
house, Schoolmaster- We are
short of money, besides. But patience;
1 have an idea. at SCHOOL, Children,
tomorrow I will tell you the beautiful
story of Columbus, who discovered
so each of you will have to
bring an egg with you to school. Hyou
don't happen to have any eggs in the
house, little butter will do.
THE SWALLOW.
D, to feel the wild thrill of the swallow,
The wonder Of the wing!
On the soft blue pillows of the air to follow
The summer to soar and sing.
To drink blue air and to feel it flowing
Through every dainty plume,
Uplifting, pillowing. bearing. blowing
And the earth below in bloom!
SIS it far to heaven, o swallow, swallow?'
The heavy-hearted sings:
For 1 watch your fight and long to follow,
The while 1 wait for WINGS
Mules Train as Well rs Horse.
Il had as lief have mule as horse,
Il he is only intelligent" said an old cir
Gus horse-trainer. when l select q
,or,< or n v,,,,1o con &bof bo hoe n oIoor.