Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1889-12-08
SAID IN FUN.

greatest composer, a smart university
young man said: "Chloroform."
The carpet trust is now limited at. This
should be easily put down if some one
should begin attacking at once.
care you still in the militia ?'' "No;
but l march about forty miles every night
little infantry Of my own home"
Dear Eve" said Adam with sigh;
with truth can no longer grapple;
You were the apple of my eye
Until you CHANGED 10 eye the apple"
He-"What makes you smack your lips
so when you chew gum" Shelf you
don't like the way smack my lips per-
haps you'd better smack them yourself"
I've changed my mind, old fellow,
And the maiden / II ne er we'd
1 asked for her hand last evening,
And got it-side Of the head.
"John, dear, doesn't it make you sad to
see the leaves fall?' "Well, not now but
it used to when was a boy, for had to
sweep them up"
Traveller Gin parlor car, passing health
resort THAT is remarkably picturesque
village we are passing. What is the prin-
cipal industry ?" Porter-"E mbalming."
Charming Widow-"And what are you
doing Nowadays He-"Oh, amusing
myself looking out for number one. And
your" Charming Looking out
for number two"
Stranger-"Pd like ter git job at some
thing, but Pm a stranger here an amt got
no references" Merchant-"In that case
there is no chance for you anywhere ex-
cept on the police force"
First party-'I never can find anybody
whose clothes will fit, me. Singular, isn't
it" Second party-"Yes, indeed Now
my clothes will fit anybody" First party
How, in Heavens namer Second
party-'I am a tailor"
Clerk-"Lady out there with Nasty
paste diamond wants to know whether it's
pure diamond or not" Jeweler-"Look
like a married woman ?" Eyes" 'Tell
her it is. No use making trouble for poor
husbands these hard times"
''Now, which of the great men of the
past would you rather be, Robert?" asked
the teacher after a long and interesting
talk on the celebrities of history. "None
of EN-" replied Robert, promptly. "None
of them Why not?" "'Cause they're
all dead"
French Dame lin Paris)-"Oui, oui, dat
Eiffel Tower ees cause off thunderstorm,
it is so high. We hat many Of zem lately. |
Hear Dere is anozzer. Hear re terrific |
noise" Friend (listening)-"A meestake.
Eat is zee American in zee next room |
looking over hees board BILL"
Customer trying on his new pantaloons)
-"Great snakes These things seem to |
be bifurcated skirt. I'll look like a guy
if | wear these.n Conscientious tailor
Cant help it, sir. If fashion says men
must look like guys, they'll have to look |
like guys if they deal with me.n
Where the Hammock Hung. Miss |
Gush lat the mountain hotel)-"How |
charming your trees look, Mr.. Rawbur; |
how beautifully red the leaves have |
turned" Mr.. Rawbur (who has had |
bad season)-"If you had heard all the |
silly talk and seen all the silly scenes the
trees have during the season, you'd turn |
red too"
First Dry-goods Clerk (at Long Branch) |
."Say, Jack, didn't you bow to that lady |
who Just passed ~ Second Clerk-"Y -e-s."
"She didn't recognize you in any way Are |
you sure you know herr? "Oh, yes; she's |
Mrs. Fourundred. I've waited on her at |
the store many time; but 1 guess she's |
mad about something. Maybe the last |
stockings l sold her didn't wash"
Gotham Lady (shocked) -"Pardon me,
sir, but overheard you remark that you
were going fishing in the reservoir. Am l
to understand that people are allowed to
fish with horrid worms in the reservoir
from which we get our drinking water ?"
City Employe-"Oh no, mum, don't use
worms; 1 use big hooks with nothin' on
them. You see, l fish for bodies of sui
cides."-NeO York Weekly.