Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-03-04


man is often highly est eemed for
what we don't know about him.
The man who sat on a paper of tacks
said it reminded him of the income tax.
Why is the vowel 0 the only one sound
ed? Because all the others are in audi
ible.
''What do you do in school now, Will
lie?" s'Wish l was out of it, most of the
time
Misfortunes are said to come in pairs,
but the first one surely came with an APP
pie.
1t is no use to fret about the inevitable;
the time.
According to a little Baltimore girl the
interior of Africa els principally used for
exploration"
There is one class of Americans who
never miss trains. We refer to the de-
faultng cashiers.
When two men are after one boss wag-
es are poor; when two bosses are after
one ndn wages are lllSh.
The Farmers Voice says: Don't kill
the old hem" The boarding house board
er's voice echoes the sentiment.
Young man-Will you give assent to
my marriage with your daughter, sir?
Old man (frmly)-No, sir, not cent.
Women are frequently debarred from
working on school boards, but they can
have complete monopoly on washboards.
81 threw myself at her feet, moaned a
disconsolate youth. did you hit them?"
inquired a cold-hearted, unsympathetic
listener.
Il WISH" said the Rev. Mr.. G's little
four-year-old, 'that when I'm naughty
you wouldn't always talk to me in your
Heavenly Father voice."
A Chicago clergyman married three
couples on the cars the other day. He has
refused to allow himself to be patented
as a car coupler, however.
Said gentleman, while calling on an
author, 'This room is as hot as an oven"
The author replied, $50 it ought to be,
| for it is here / make my bread"
Philadelphia Gin st. Louis)-Will you
kindly tell me where l can get a drink of
| water? Policeman-Mein trent, / half
been only dree months on dis beat.
Little Dot-Our minister prays ever so
much louder than yours does. Little Bub-
I don't care if he does. Our minister
| lo h,
| there now.
A Sioux City clergyman's prescription
to young men who desire to get on in the
world is to mix brains with self denial.
That's good doctrine for those who have
the brains to start with.
Blifkins-Hello, Muggins. you've been
away, l hear? Muggins-Yes; / went
down east to bury my mother-in-law.
Blifkins (absent mindedly) Did you
have a successful trip?
A countrywoman was asked if her twin
sister resembled her. claws, no." ex-
claimed the old lady. 1--WE amt no more
alike thans if 'twant us tall. She's just
as different one way as L be t'Other way!"
He was loath to go. SIT isn't so aw-
fully late is it, Laura?" he asked anxious
1y. ''No, George she replied, Its
early. Papa won't begin yelling at the
hired girl to get up for more than an hour
yet
Mrs. Dumbeigh, having read that IA
steel plant in Pennsylvania yielded $780,
600 a year profit, wrote TO a nei9hboring
nursreyman, asking how much Il plant
would cost, and in what kind of soil it
thrived best.
sit is melancholy" said Ouida, ''to see
how large the proportion is of young la
dies who marry solely to get rid of their
mothers" But alas Too often the hus-
band finds that they haven't got rid of
their mothers.
Mother-Goodness me. Is that Irene
at the piano? Little son-Yes, ma.
Nother-Well, go ask her what she is do
ing. If she is practicng she can keep on
until the hour is up; but ifshe is playing,
! tell her to stop.
, When Baby was sick, gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss she chung to Castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria,