davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
WHAT WILD WITS ARE SAYING.

A man never opens a box of chewing to-
bacco with a eorkscrew; he simply pulls the plug
out with his fingers y oshin0ton Critic.
Minister-Wil you take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband9
Omaha Belle-If you please.-OB1dhG World.
Some old dinner customs still prevail.
The Romans used to recline at their banquets, and
the habit of lying at public dinners is common
still-L0adoB Ttt-Btts.
hilosophy.-Servant-O please, sir,
your daughter has eloped with the coachman.
Mr.. Highiver-Well, it might have been worse.
She might have run OF with my French cook
Neto York Weekly.
A Politicians View.-Flynn-So Gineral
Washington nlver tou1d lie, he didn't, Ell?
Marks-No, never.
FIynn-How did he ever get elected, I'd like to
know Pierre HaHte ErprsSs.
An old lady in Vermont who had been
maintained for years by charitable acquaint-
ances, but was about to be taken to the Poor
House, fell heir last week to $40, 900. Old ladies
received on subscription at this Ofice.-Ou City
Blizzard.
Nothing New.-Adorer (nervously)-
Isn't that your father's steD on the stairs
Sweet Girl-Yes, but don't mind that; it's only
a scare. He won't come down. He always
stamps around that way when i sit up with
young men after II o'clock.-Neao York Weekly.
Not a Novelty" John, Mr.. Jackson
has bought phonograph.'
ISIS that so?''
''Yes. You ought to see 1t. Itrepeats every
thing that's told to it
'Tdon't see how Edison got patent on it.n
''Why nOtg''
because it's no improvement on you women"
-Chtcdg0 Herald
The First Reader.-"Does the man Jaw? ?"
''He does. He says the grocer ought to be sent
to State Prison.
''What has the grocer done ?''
''Gave him Is ounces for pounds
'.But that was very wrong"
80 1t was; but the grocer knew to whom he was
selling.''
''who is the man?,'
''He is the inventor Of the peck peach basket
which holds only six quarts. He laughs ana
grows fat when he thinks Of it. but when someone
tries trick on him 1t is horse OF another
color. ."-Detroit Free Press.
sEAsoNABLE SYMPTOMS.
In the spring all nature bubbles with an ef-
fervescing glee,
From the bull frogs in the meadow to the rooinan
the tree.
In the spring the jaunty tourist strOls about fOr
rustic scenes,
While the maiden and her lover seour the distant
lots for greens.
In the spring the roaring freshet makes sad havoc
with the banks.
And the public parks and gardens blossom out
with dudes ana cTanks.
In the spring the postman tarries for the lovers
extra stamps -
And the maid that strolled BY moonlight stays in
~ 7. EUsning Sun.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
THREE APPOINTMENTS FIXED.

A Trio of the Auditors of the Treasury to
be SuppIanfed.
WASHINGTON, May ll.--At the conference
between the President and Secretary Window
Thursday last three gentlemen were selected
for appointments as Auditors of the Treasury.
1t was not settled. however, whose places they
should take. There are five auditorships
available, the incumbents having resigned.
the First, Fourth and Fifth Auditors, now
held respectively by Messrs. Chenowith, Shell
lev and Rickhoff
The latter has been appointed Fire Commits
sioner in New York City, and left here last
evening to assume the duties of that office.
Third Auditor Williams has strong influence,
and probably will be the last of the Democratic
auditors to be disturbed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

COLONEL ELLIOTT F. SHEPARD is an
nounced to furnish the next leading article
fer Frank Lsslie's Illustrated. His subject
is, "Can Newspaper Editor be Chris
tian ?" The article would be very interest
ing if there was any assurance that Colonel
Shepard has the slightest idea of the quail
fcations either of newspaper editor or Of a
Christian.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
AGAINST THE IMPORTERS.
Collector Erhardt Gives His Decision in the
Worsted Goods Controversy.

Collector Erhardt Gives His Decision in the
WOrsted Goods Controversy.
NEW YORK, May ll-Collector Erhardt this
afternoon decided dispute of long standing
between New York customs authorities and
merchants. The decision involves nearly ST.
500 600 annually and Is the result of several in
vestigations. Invoices sofmanufactured Worsted
goods have been found by the appraiser to con-
tain large quantities Of wool, and have there
fore been appraised under section 1852 of the
tariff law, which calls for duty of 35 cents per
pound and S5 per cent ad valorem on all woolen
goods under the value of 10 cents per pound.
The importers claimed the goods contained
only ''cOmbed'' wool and should come in under
section classifying "blanke.s, wool hats and
all goods made on knitting frames and calling
for duty of from 10 to Is cents per pound on
goods worth from 80 to so cents.
Two invoices brought by the City Of Paris and
Umbria from the basis of the decision, which
is ad dierse to the importers, Collector Erhardt
notified the importers that they might appeal
to the Secretary Of the Treasury.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

A VERY good measure of the fuss over the
competition of the Canadian railroads is af
forded by the editorial remark of the Wash
ingtOn Post that 'sOme relief might be eff
fected by making such of them as do busi-
ness with the United States amenable to
to the United States law. When the es-
teemed Post is informed that that is exactly
what has been already done by the inter
State commerce law. it may be able to see
that there is good deal of nonsense about
the present investigation.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

SOME New York statesmen are trying to
get law passed to prevent the publication
Of reports of dog fights and prize fights.
They would do better to consider the prac-
tiOability of passing laws to prevent the
fights themselves. The statesmen should
reflect upon the fact that if there are no dog
fights or prize fights no reports of them will
ever be published.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

whatever. The New York committee says
that the result Of the ruinous competition is
often to form combinations; but that re-
markable body lacks either the intelligence
or the frankness to say that the ruinous cut
ting of prices far below the cost of produc-
ton, is always distinct method of forcing
the establishment Of pools or trusts.
People who indulge in this sort of logic
are either the advocates or the dupes Of the
combination policy. The remarkable differ
ence between the first report of this commit
tee and its present one permits us to exalt
its intelligence at the expense of its honesty.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

CORPORAL TANNERS public announce
ments as to the changes which he is going to
make in pension matters, which are gener-
ally supposed to be CIRCULATED by legislation,
makes it pertinent to remark that if he can
take that $3.50, ,OOO, 900 which the Pacific rail-
ways owe the Government and distribute it
among the. pensioners, no one would object
to that extraordinary exertion of power by
an executive officer, over the laws.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

BoULANGER's latest blast is evidently
intended to assure the French people that
he is still alive and kicking. No doubt can
be entertained of his indulgence in the latter
act; but whether he is really any better than
o dead issue may be considered disputed
point. In politics, he who runs away does
not often live to fight another day.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
COMING TO TIE FRONT.

The Chesapeake and Ohio Have IN Elegant
New Through Train.
CINCINNATI. May llS-Beginning tonight
the Chesapeake and Ohio Railroad puts on its
new train called the Fast Flying Virginian," |"
which is composed of coaches built by the
Pullman Company in the most approved style.
and go through solid to New York, via Wash
ingt0n, Baltimore and Philadelphia, using the
Virginia Midland road from Charlottesville to
Alexandria and the Pennsylvania line from
there to New York
The train is equipped with dining room car
and sleeper. The cars have electric lights. A
postal service is to be organized over this line
in few days.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

POSTAGE-AlI persons who mail the
Sunday Issue of The Dispatch to friends
should bear in mind the fact thnt the post
age thereon is Two (2) Gents. All double
and triple number copies of The Dispatch
require 2-ceut stamp TO insure prompt
delfverv
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
TRIAL OF A NEW ENGINE.
1t Is Guarentesd to Pull Is Coaches at so
Miles an Hour.

CHICAGO, May 1I.-To-morrow at Has a new
engine, built at Schenectady for the Chicago,
Milwaukee and st. Paul, will make trial trip. It
is guaranteed to draw train of 15 heavy pas
senger coaches at the rate of 90 miles an hour.
In case of failure, the builders are to forfeit
half of its price.
In case it makes the speed stipulated, it and
others like it are to be used upon all of the
limited trains on the road. The engine Is of
the Mogul consolidated style, with six drive
wheels, feet inches in diameter, and weighs
80 tons.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

This issue of THE DISPATCH contains
20 pages, made up of THREE PARTS.
Failure on the part of Carriers, Agents,
NeWsdealers or Newsboys 20 supply pa
irons with Complete Number should be
promptly reported to this office.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

JOE HOWARD says in the New York
Press: 81 have not the faintest objection to
the San Francisco Examiner appropriating
my matter and giving 1t to its readers. :"
This unwonted generosity on the part of
Joseph makes it plain that, hereafter, the
objections will have to come from the En-
dniner's readers.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

Mr.. CLARKsoN removed the heads of a
thousand Democratic Postmasters last week,
and presents the plea that he wasn't feeling
very well, either. 1t seems necessary to
draw a veil over the slaughter that would
have ensued if Mr.. Clarkson had been in
the enjoyment of his usual stalwart health.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
NAYS A CRADLE.


Winter tries to keep US tame,
Chains us with her fetters chill;
Dear desires little lame,
When the snow is on the sill.
Winds of winter seem TO kill
Tender hopes; we plan in vain.
There's no moving onward till
Loi in May we're born againl
Some there are who sigh for fame,
Start to climb the rocky hill;
Others take to Cupid's game,
Sparks from Hymen's affairs spill.
Poets drive the ardent quill,
For to tell us they are fain
All the thoughts that through them thrill,
Lol in May we're born again!
May deserves the sweetest name,
Let us praise her with a will.
She's damsei, not a dame;
Come to charm, and not to drill
Flowers are her fairy frill.
Worship her in natures fame,
Where the birds in rapture trill;
Lol in May we're born againI
Some there be who idly claim
Mays month Of subtle i'll
Since then Cupid doth infiame
oft the hearts of Jack and Jill;
That Mays blossoms sweet insti
Thoughts of love-'tis surely gain,
Love's sugar-coated pill-
Lo! in May we're born again
ENvoI.
Laughs the red blood like rilli
Asst leaps from vein to vein.
Join the dance and hang the biIh
Lolih May we're born againl
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

The last new opera by Won Suppe is pro-
duced in this country under the title of
"CIover." This makes it necessary to ex-
tend the hope that the pigs will not be
too riotous in the clover at the time of its
production,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

The trouble with this years weather so
far has been that it is entirely too sudden
and violent. Storms, heat and cold have
all been hurled at the country in square and
solid chunks. Milder doses OF each sort
will be much pleasanter now.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

AND now the story of the new Standard
refinery near Chicago will give our friends,
the Standard mouth-organs, room for ex-
ercising their undoubted abilities in the line
of swearing that it is not so.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Called On By Ben or Jimmy.

John ]. o'Brien, Republican boss OF the no
torious Eighth district, the storm center Of
almost all local post-election squabbles, has
been hero to-day among city politicians. Mr..
O'Brien has been in Albany most of the week
pulling legislative wires. Last night he got
message from Washington, which brought him
back to New York in post haste. He stopped
long enough to get clean shirt, and then
started for Washington. 0'Brien's followers
think that the summons was q letter from
President Harrison. Jim MacManus, Mr..
O'Brien's first lieutenant, knows better. He
says he saw the letter, and that it was signed
BY James G, Blaine,
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
diplomacy at the samoan Conference.

From the Chicago Ttmes.1
The Samoan Commissioners are getting down
to business. They have dined. When Count
Herbert Bismarck asked William Walter
Phelps if he would have mustard on his cheese
sandwich Mr.. Phelps replied, "Oui." But
seeing the bad break he had made quickly
rubbed it out and said: 'SYaw, meinheer," and
all went merry as a marriage bell.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
A Li,tIe nIon,y s,iIl n The Treo.urv.

New YORK, May 1.-THE count of the
money in the sub-Treasury was concluded yes
terday, and the money found to correspond
with the statement made by the late Acting
Assistant Treasurer on April IL. The amount
found TO be in the Treasury was SIZE, ,3394 TAB 70
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
TERMS OF THE DIsPATCH.
EPITTsBURG, SUNDAY. MAY 70, 1859.

Voluntary contributors should Keep copies Of
orticIeS. II compensation is desired the price
expected must be named. The courtesy Of re-
turning rejected manuscripts WfH be extended
sChen stamps for that purpose are enclosed, but
the Editor Of THE DISPATCH IOiU under no
circumstances be responsible for the care Of un-
solicited manuscripts
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Nothing for the Poor Worms,

From the Chicago News.5
It is understood that Secretary Rusk is highly
indignant because $4,000 was lately divided
among the militia of this country and he was
not permitted TO have any Of it for the benefit
Of the army worms which are under his super
vision
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
A MAD EXPLOIT.
How Captain Porter. Son Of the Admiral.
Routed MnximiIfan's Borces-Posred AZ
Deserter-An Adventure In Egypt.

How Captain Porter. Son Of the AdmraI,
Routed MaximIIian's Borces-Posred a.
n Deserter-An Adventure In Egypt.
ESPECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DIsPATcH.i
WASHINGTON, D. c., May 1L-.By the way,
speaking of Admiral Porter, did you ever hear
Of the exploit of his son, Captain D. Essex Por-
ter, down on the Rio Grande, just after the
warp
The speaker was an old army officer. and we
had been talking Of the quarrel between Ad-
miral Porter and General Butler.
II have never seen it in print" continued the
officer, ''and 1t is too good to lose. think it
was suppressed on account of the high family
connections of the young man, but there is no
doubt of its truth, and as Mr.. Porter is now
practicing law in the city, you can 60 70 him
and verify what tell you.
1T was at the time when Maximilian was
playing his fatal farce in Mexico. Captain
Porter had well-equipped company of artil-
lery under his command, and at the same sta
ton on the Rio Grande was Colonel Sedgwick,
in command of company of cavalry. Sedg-
wick, you know, is the envoy who was sent to
Mexico by Cleveland to look into the diplo-
matte complications there and against whom
it was charged that he attended masked ball,
got drunk and conducted himself in very nn'
becoming manner.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Mr.. RooseYelr Accents.

WASHINGTON, May 1L-Mr. Theodore
Roosevelt, of New York, appointed member
of the Civil Service Commission. has written to
the Secretary Of the commission stating that
he will accept the place on the commission.
The oath Of Office will be administered on
Mondav
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Easier to say THAN to Do.

From the detroit Free Press.s
Prof. Paul D'Nuce, whoever he is. says he
can cause thunder storm and fall Of rain in
any district on two hours notice, and that he
can have the shower stop In 15 minutes or con-
tinue half day. Big Iniunl
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Dandelions as a Diet.

Fr0m the Inter-Ucean.
Cooking dandelions in frying pan with a
little water and thin slice Of bacon is the
latest recommended way for making a health
full spring dish. Presently people viii follow
Gulliver's plan and extract sunshine from
cucumbers.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

NEWPORT. R. l., May 1.-THE two hundred
and iftieth anniversary of the settlement Of
Newport was observed quietly to-day by the
decoration of public buildings and meeting
of the Historical Society, with historical ad-
dresses by prominent citizens tonight.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
NIIrncIea in KentncIrv

From the Baltimore Americana
There are two miracles which the average
Kentuckian cannot explain-the present over
production Of whisky and Thursdays defeat Of
Proctor Knott in the Kentucky Derby.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
what Iutere.t, the Ohio Man.

From The San Franc1sco Alta.
An Ohio man wants to be Minister to Hawaii.
Why can't the East let the coast have that
Officer Ohio isuacertain as to where Hawaii
is, but it has learned of the existence of the
office, and that is all the bait Buckeye needs
to set him running.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Too Stylish for Texas.

From the Detroit Free Press.1
The Governor of Texas has put up six full
sized wire window screens at his mansion. and
it will be no use for him to hope for second
term. The country elector says such extraya-
gance must be rebuked
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Merely New. Item.

From the Chicago Tribune.I
A young girl in Philadelphia nearly lost her
life few days ago in consequence of heart
disease and congestion of the brain brought on
by tight lacing The item is given merely as a
matter Of news and without any hope that the
warning it conveys will be needed.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Good Mem Gona Wrnnr.

From the Washington Post.1
The closing scenes fthe Pennsylvania Legis-
laturs only clinched our belief that the noble
profession of minstrelsy is being annually
robbed of useful talent by the people who elect
our statesmen.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
silance n Grent Yir,na

From the St. Paul Pioneer Press.l
Keep your eye on Grover Cleveland. He is
still in the ring. He is still better than his
party-stiller and better.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
ST. Louis Cant Forgive HIm.

From the Globe-Democrat.l
The new Public Printer, Hon. F. w. Palmer,
has been citizen of Chicago for good many
years; but in all other respects bis reputation
Is frst-class.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Ha. 70 Par s1s,ooo fer . Lee.

Thomas Murray was thrown from the front
platform of Brooklyn surface car, while be
was trying to pass the conductor a nickel
through the slot in the door. He fell under
the car. A wheel passed over his left leg and
crushed it SO badly that amputation was neces-
sary. He sued the Brooklyn City Railway, the
owner of the car. for $4,000. To-day the jury
awarded him $4,000.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

From the Chicago Tribune.l
Emil Dietzsch, the poet, is . candidate for
the'position Of 0leomargarine Inspector for
Illinois.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
NEW YORK NEWS NOTES.
Saved Three Men From DrovnIur.

INbW 1OHh BUREAU BPECIAL8.l
NEW YORK, May 1I.-Jaek Elliott, . pro-
fessional pugilist saved three men from drown
ing near Pelham bridge, during the storm last
night. The first breath Of the squan upset the
boat from which the men were fishing in the
bay. None Of them could swim. Elliott swan
out to them and got two Of them back to the
boat without difficulty. The third man, how
ever, clung to him SO tenaciously that he could
move neither hands nor feet. He dragged
Elliott under twice. As he was pulling him
down the third time, a boy who had followed
Elliott in boat fished them both out Of the
water.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

"The station was near the town of Matamoras,
and one evening Mexican officer came in
great excitement into the camp and offered
Porter large amount in gold. and liberal pay
for his men, if he would cross the river that
night and assist the Mexicans to route the
forces of Maximilian, who had just invested
the city and was threatening to destroy it.
Porter consulted with Sedgwick. Both Of them
were dare devil fellows at that time who chafed
at their being compelled to rust with inactlon,
after the excitement Of the great war, and
they concluded to engage IN the excursion.
Very quietly the men were got under arms and
In the dead Of night they crossed the river and
with muffled steps approached the city and the
forces of the ambitious Maximilian. So COM
plete had been the victory Of the invad-
ers, and so, contemplate the opposi-
ton Of the Mexicans, that few precautions
had been taken against surprise, and the
Americans were upon them before their pres
ence was suspected. The artillery hurled death
into the surprised foreigners, and the cavalry
made a reckless charge into their very midst
In few moments the invaders were on the
dead run. They could not know what was the
new force against them, and the attack was so
fierce and SO well planned that It was evident
to the whole camp that q trained and courage
Gus enemy had dropped down upon them as
though from the clouds. The rout was CON-
plete. The foreigners ran like sheep. But the
Americans. flushed with victory, and desiring
to fully earn their liberal reward. pursued the
fleeing troops for several days, chasing them so
far away that it was improbable Matamoras
would ever again be troubled with their pres
ence
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12

OF course the weather prophets are now
all improving the opportunity to tell how
they foretold this storm. This is always the
dire result OF any big weather event.
Pittsburg dispatch. [volume] (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, 1889-05-12
Win she return to us again.
PHERsY-were you at the Opera House last
GEORGE sHIRAs' III. (im) peach crop wa

Fatty-well, did you Wilt?
GEORGE SHIRAs' III. (im) peach crop was
failure.
THE strawberry festival will soon be at hand,
And as usual they'll fail to wash all the sand
From the berry.
But that don't matter, for those who attend
Are q class who little money will spend,
And what is required is just now sand,
To develop in patrons liberal hand
PHILADELPHIAN-Doc believe l am
suffering from nervous prostration.
Doctor (after making exalnination)-Yes your
nerves are completely shattered, and it is all due
to excitement.
Philadelpbian-T is what thought, doctor.
You know played game Of checkers last night,
and this morning took part in a game of croquet.
Oh can't stand excitement.
NOWADAYS the popular fad with newly
married couples is to 20 and live with the BRIDES
parents. For reasons, apply to the groom.
Don the lightest suit you've got
Likewise change your underwear,
Shoot your derby for chip one;
And have your barber cut yonrjhair.
For the mercury is away up,
And ones collar melteth down:
'Tis the time when to the country,
People sneaketh from the town.
SEE 8. SEA-