The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1889-05-15

Missouri, was shot a few days ago while
initiating the cry Of wild turkey. This
should be a warning to divines to avoid
initiating anything with wings until they
get into an immortal state instead of the
state of Missouri.-Chicdgo journal.
STRANGE metamorphosis has taken
place in the tree that Washington cut with
his little hatchet," remarked the snake
editor. " How is that?" asked the horse
editor. =" 1t was cherry-tree, you remem-
ber?' Yes" Well, now it is regarded
as a chestnut. '-Phtsburg Chronicle
You may hive the stars in a nail-keg,
hang the ocean on a rail fence to dry, put
the, sky to sleep in gourd unbuckle the
belly.band of eternity and let the sun and
moon out, but don't think you can escape the
place that lies on the other side of purgatery
II you don't pay for your paper.-Ndydso'd
(Ted1s) Tablet
AN article in a valued exchange is headed,
:" Do you read advertisements ?" Well,
about three times a week we are led to
reading a thrilling account of something by
an eyewitness that tails off into cake OF
soap or bottle Of btters; but it isn't our
fault, and it ism a means Of spiritual growth
or moral mprovement.-Bu rdette.
THE honest settler OF Oklahoma who rode
a valuable saddle-horse to death in order to
be the first to reach choice quarter-section
twenty miles from the border and then
found that an Arkansas Cracker had crawled
out of The brush and squatted on the land
may be excused for thinking that some peo-
pie are too mean to live.-Erchange.
WILL you vote for my bill?" inquired
the lobbyist of the legislator No, sir"
replied the latter, your bill is a swndle."
Why, man, you must have the wrong bill
in mind. / mean this ifty-dollar bill"
" Well, this appears to be good bill, said
the legislator, after examining it critically.
" I'll vote for it, of course. '-Puck.
I'm sorry to put you to so much trouble"
said pretty woman to Sergeant-at-arms
Willard as he was trying to find her seat
semby. It's all right" he gallantly re-
piled, I've lots of time. Hardly any
thing to do except preserve order during
prayers. "-Drdco, in Albany Journal.
SECRETARY PROCTOR is said to be the
most nervous man in the cabinet. He can't
sit still. He walks to and from his office.
He walks up and down while debating to
his stenographer. He walks up and down
while eating his luncheon, and the same
habit clings to him when he is talking with
his visitors. In this respect he may be said
to differ considerably from Brother Wana-
maker, who prefers to make democratic
postmasters do the walking.-BoSton Herald.
alluded to a distinguished southerner:
Governor Gordon of Georgia had the
avenue practically to himself when GeOrgias
turn came. He was a graceful horse
man, wore spurs and made his horse dance
spirtedly. He was recognized by the
crowd, which cheered him heartily" 1t is
to be hoped that the governor wore more
than the Tribune credits him with wear
ing. Being a Georgian, he might at least
have added shirt-collar.- Mobile Register.
AN Alabama man, charged with stealing
calf, made the following statement: " |
was always teached to be honest, an most
always have been, but when / seed the calf
| caved. / never wanted a calf so bad in
all my life, an you all know that when
man wants a calf he wants him" The jury
returned the following verdict: We, this
jury, air satisfied that Steve stold the calf
but, as the Teller that owned the animal il
considerable of SLOUGH, we agree to clear
Steve an make the SLOUGH pay the costs. -
Erchdnge
TWENTY maidens from Baltimore, with
ever so much dear, delightful money and
thorough Ollendorphian knowledge of the
German and French languages, are going to
take trip through charming, sweet Europe
during the coming summer. Afterward
they are going to write book that will be
just too awfully lovely for anything. Each
maiden will write one chapter; consequently
there will be twenty chapters The book
will be of great interest to those who wish
information about what women wear in
Europe albany ErpresS
IT may not be remembered generally that
the late William H Barnum was the means
of eXtinguishing the political ambition of
his namesake Phneas L. Barnum. The
great Snowman aspired to a seat in con-
gress, and was nominated for it in strong
republican district of Connecticut. His
election was deemed to be certain William
II. Barnum entered the field against him,
revolutionized the district and took the
seat for himself There was curiosity as to
the kind of congressman the other Bdrnum
would make, which was never gratified.-
Boston Herdld
If the Turkish government consents it is
probable that Palestine will be invaded by
! locomotives, and that before long the con-
ductor will have an opportunity of calling
out, Galilee all out for Galilee," and in
good Turkish, Damascus passengers will
please retain their seats till the train comes
to a full stop" Application has been made
by Joseph Elias, formerly government en-
gineer of Lebanon for commission for
railway from Haifa, on the Mediterranean,
about midway between Tyre and CTsarea,
by way OF Lake Galilee, over river Jordan
to Damascus. -Phapdelphia Press.
YESTERDAY a middle-aged man, slightly
stoop-shouldered, with the general air of
one who has worked hard, might have been
zen riding out in the pleasant weather aC
companied by lady. There was nothing
in the least conspicuous about the turnout
Indeed, it was like any ordinary family
equipage, the gentleman himself driving, in
entire independence of footman or lackey.
The vehicle passed down the street com
paratively unnoticed. Some people turned
and gazed after it, however, in evident in
terest 1t was President and Mrs. Harrison
out for drive Washington Critic.
CHARLOTTE, my dear, how is it | find
YOU weeping? Have you bad news from
your husband?" "Oh worse than that!
My Arthur writes me from Carlsbad that he
would die with ardent longing for me were
it not that he could gaze affectionately at
my picture and cover it with a thousand
kisses every day" That is really very
nice of him; and pray is it that you are cry
ing for? / would give anything to have
such poetic and tenderly-loving husband
as you have!" "Ahl yes my Arthur is
very poetical, but let me tell you that, just
to try him, slipped my mothers photo into
his travelling-bag instead of my own before
he started. I" -FiegeRde Bldtter.
A FEW days ago, when Secretary of War
Proctor was returning from visit to his
home in Vermont on the Bennington &
Rutland railroad, he found he had neither
ticket nor pass with him, but he assured
the conductor that he might be relied upon
TO make it all right with the corporation,
and thus hoped to be allowed the silence
and solitude of his berth without further
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