Connecticut western news., 1889-11-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
 Tip your hat to lady and you give her n straight tip on the quality of your manners.-New Orleans Picayune. Man doesn't know all. The unassum- ing porcupine can give the smartest man on earth many points.-Terre Haute Express. G
 Jones-s'Why do you borrow trouble so" Bones-"Well to tell the truth that's the only thing I can get credit for."-Boston Post. Being asked the name of the worlds greatest composer, smart university young man said: "Chloroform."-- Philadelphia Record. To marry and settle down is no longer au fait; it's more the fashion to marry that you may settle up.-Shoe and Leather Reporter. a There's one peculiar thing about horse race. You can pick the winners right along until you conclude to put up your money.-Washington Capital.
 Squeers-'I want name for my horse. What can you suggest~ Nickleby = "Call him Money" "Whyw "Goes ."-New York Sun.
 Professor of journalism-ssMr. Smith, how would you answer an un- answerable argument in an opposition paper?" Student-"Call it 8 syawp.'" -Cornel Sun.
 Tight collars are said to be the cause of near-sightedness. It is well to re- member, however, that tight callers are frequently able to see double.- Boston Transcript.
 All our plans don't get worked out the way we expect they will in this world, and it is mighty lucky for us, too, that good many of them don't. -Somerville Journal.
 First tramp-ssDown with whiskey is what l say. Don't you say 50, pard- ner?" Second tramp-"pve allus cot my face agin it whenever I had tho chance. ."-Terra Haute Express.
 "The Prince of Wales is . very brave man. He is said to be afraid of but one thing"
 "Whats that2"
 "That he'll die before his mother"
 "Franky, I hear you have been just as bad as you could be, to-Gay. Ma- ma is so sorryl"
 "Well, you needn't be, Mama. I could have been great deal worse."
 "I would shed my last drop of blood for the nationl" cried the candidate for honors.
 ssYou bet you would-for the nomi. nation," was the sarcastic reply.
 Gotham School Teacher-What is the largest city ill Pennsylvania?
 Class-Pennsylvania.
 School Teacher Correct. For what is Philadelphia noted?
 Little Girl (promptly)- Spring chick ems an butter.
 s'Are you an electrician, sir7"
 sI am."
 "How strong current would be re- qured to destroy human ifer'
 ''1 said I was an electrician, sir; not a hobby-rider. How large is house2"
 Uncle Si Low (watching pile-driv- CTS at work on West Street founda- tion) .-Waal, I swowl pve heerd about your buryin' the wires, but this do beat all.
 Idler.-What's this got to do with itl
 Uncle Si.-Why, when you git them telegraph poles druv into the ground, how do the men git down to string tho wires2
 New Yorker (to visiting Chicagoan) No, sir; don't believe there're . dozen active Anarchists in the city. We're pretty safe from dynamite, any way.
 Chicagoan Gas terrific explosion is heard )-Hellol what's that7
 New Yorker (serenely)-Oh, that may be sewer blowing up in Broad way; or cellar blasting in Fifth Ave- nue; or an explosion in a steamboat ing subway. One or the other hap pens every few days; but there arc seldom more than two or three per- sons killed. l tell you, this is safs town to live in.