Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-10-28
Trade follows the march of the drum

! Trade follows the march of the drum.
mer.
Caller-Bridget, is your master in yet!
Bridget-No, sorr, he's out on bail.
The man who marries widow can at
least boast that his wife does not come a
miss.
Taken as a whole, the Indians, although
illiterate, are the best red race in the
world.
"Well, Brown, how do you find your
self'" Never lose myself. If did,
suppose I'd advertise"
"Look at Brown over there in the cor
ner." Smith-Yes, buried in thought.
Jones-Mighty shallow grave, isn't it?"
A youth wishes to know, chow long
girls should be courted?" Why, the same
as short girls, of course.
How hard it would be for a great man
who is dead to come to life again and live
up to his memorials and obituary address,
eS.
s'Clara, that horrid Mr.. Slick has just
left. | do think he has lying tongue :"
81 shouldn't be surprised. / know he has
false teeth"
Inquirer-How does your protracted
meeting prosper, parson? Parson-Oh,
well, there's great awakening at the
close of every sermon.
The devil is not so assduous as he is
st
lift finger to keep the flies off the man
who goes to sleep in church.
Mrs. Grubb-Have you any sugar like
the last We sent me? Grocer (briskly)-
Yes, madam, plenty of it. How much do
you want? Mrs. Grubb-None.
Effie-Mamma, why does the boat make
that dreadful noise? Mamma-That is be-
cause she is just going to start Effie-
If l was as sorry as that l wouldn't go.
Invalid Chicago Lady Ito her lawyer
and administrator And, now, remember
when die 1 wish to be laid by the side
of my husband. Lawyer-Yes'm; which
one?
81 am quite surprised, Mr.. Meeker, at
your wife's knowledge of parliamentary
law" "She? Why, hasn't she been the
speaker of the house for the last fifteen
years?"
Mamma" said little girl, ''you know
the story in our reader about the king
who never smiled again?" eyes, dear"
"Well, does that mean that he signed the
pledge?"
Dressmaker-And how will you have
the costume trimmed, Mrs. Parvenu? Mrs.
Parvenu-I guess you may put on Deliri-
um trimmins. 1 hear they are all the
rage now.
Dude to doctor-Anything serious
wrong with me, doctor? Doctor, SLOWLY -
Your condition is serious, but not neces-
sarily fatal. 1 have discovered evidences
of growth of brains.
Tommy-Say, Mr.. Dryleigh, you can
try it on me if you like. Rev. Mr.. D.
l don't understand you, my child. Try
what? Tommy-Why, ma says you can
put anybody to sleep in five minutes.
Lady Ito sea captain) How do you
manage to find your way across the ocean?
Captain-By the compass. The needle
always point to the north. Lady--But
suppose you wish to go south?
Student-Professor, how do you ac-
count for the expression, young man of
the period?' Professor-It arises from
the fact that such young man goes so
fast as soon to come to full stop.
Chow far is it to Manayunk?" asked
weary Irishman, who was going there
afoot. ''Seven miles," was the reply.
"Whom do you wish to see there?" "Faith,
it's meself I'd like to see there" was the
retort.
What's the matter with you and Brim-
ly?" asked travelling man, ''you don't
seem as friendly toward him as you used
to-" eyes ;he has severed our friendship"
''How?'' .'By lending me S.. / don't
speak to him now if l can help it,
School teac her to boy at head of class,
the lesson being philosophy-How many
kinds of forces are there? Boy-Three,
sir. Teacher-Name them. Boy-Bodi-
ly force, mental force and the police
force. Teacher-Go to the foot of the
class.