Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1889-06-07
FUN. PgN. AND JOKE
high-toned affair-A piccoIo.

HERE Is O4l6 bLllL48 15OuG q ulCGltlIl-
airy that resembles woman. 1t always
has the last word.
TIE Queen of England always drops
penny royal In the contribution box
when she goes to church.
QUITE So-Yes, there is no doubt Of
it, women are riddles" just So-But
they are the sort of riddles men aren't
likely to give up.
FIRST shopping fiend - Mad ne,
that's my muff! Second shopl ing
iend-Why, how inexcusably stupid
of me to pick up an imitation monkey
skin.
THE last words of great men are all
recorded In the books, but the last
words of women, great aud small,
have always been too much for the
historians.
If your laugh is loud, it is low. But
if it is low, it isn't loud. The English
language is a fine structure, but when
we have to talk straight logic, we gen
orally use Greek ourselves.
Mr.. JASON see one of the Chi
cagO dime museums has a living half
man on exhibition. Mrs Jasc -
There's chance for you, JehieI That
is, If you could prove that you are
alive.
PRETTY GIRLS it the fashion now
to wear long faces? I noticed all the
young men have a sad, detected look
Dude (despondently)- - The qua'te1y
bills fwOm the wascally ITALIANS ali
coming in.
PORTER-Two gem amen want to see
the President. Secretary HalfOrd lex
editor)-Who are they? Cone says
he's a journalist, sab, an the other
says he's a newspaper man." Admit
the newspaper man, and kick the jour
nalist out "
SPEAKING about journalistic cOur-
age" remarked the snake editor, "I
can name a paper which has more grit
than any other, and one which you
would hardly think Of, either" What
paEsr is that ?" asked the horse editor.
" Sand paper"
A PENNSYLVANIA man who ran q
needle into his foot had it drawn out
by holding his foot near dynamo.
Happy thought! Hold some of our
railroad directors near great big
dynamo and see if it won't draw the
steal out Of them.-BOStO71 Bulletin.
IT is said that no woman born at As
pinwau, Panama, ever reached the age
of twenty-One years. This is not so
strange. There are many young
women right here in Minneapolis who
never have and never viii reach that
age, if their own statements are to be
believed. Minneapolis Irjb1t9Be.
READY for trial-Great Doodle law
yer lin New York)-"The trial of our
honorable client viii begin to-mor-
row." Assistant (astounded) -"T Trial?
n is l..
any longer ?" mo need to have 1t fur
ther postponed. All the important
witnesses are dead.
MISS MADDOX, of BrewtOn, Ala,
dressed up as a tramp to brighten her
mother, and the latter, selling a shot
gun, emptied its contents into her
daughters body, inficting a serious
wound. The shotgun in the hands of
q woman plays some queer pranks.
If the daughter had been a genuine
tramp, Mrs. MaddOx's shot would have
wounded a COW in field fifty yards
distant.
BLINKs (who has moved into the
suburbs) Here's an idea. The pa
per says one of the handsomest resi-
dences on the Hudson has the flower
beds laid off with old beer bottles"
Mrs. Blinks (doubtfuIIy): "WelI, at
distance the effect of the glass bor-
behring's might be pretty" Eyes, in
deed. I'll order q gross or two from
Sweibeer & Co., and when the bottles
are empty you can have them. "-PAiI-
GdeLpbiG Record.
DIsTRUsT.
OH the world is wide, but friends are few,
Though many viii say they love you true,
But love to some is a fancy mere,
To come and go with the fiesting year.
And some are false.
And some are true.
A kiss to some is the sacred seal
OF bond that lives for woe and veal;
To some It's only Dame Fashions way
OF saying @GOOd-mOrning" or @CfOOd-dayi"
But fashions change-the old for the new
And some are false,
And some are true.
The lips that sWeetIy say yea" today,
Tomorrow may pOut and say you nay,
For the same bush bears both rose and thorn
And the same red lips speak love ana scorn.
And the world is wide, but friends are 1eWs
For some are false
And some are true.
WINTER SILHOUETTE.