Wichita eagle., 1889-03-07
A CYCLOPEDIA STORY.
Pathetic Scene Witnessed Upon
the Delivery Of Volume z.

the Delivery Of Volume z.
Havin' lived next door to the Eob-rt
place t'r goiti' on thirty years, calc'late
that l know jest about ez much about the
case as any body else now on alrth, except
in perhaps It's Oh ledge Baker, and he's so
plaguey old md so powerful feeble that he
don't know nothin'.
1t seems that in the spring Nv 47-the
year that Cy Watson's Oldest boy wuz
drowned in West river--there come along a
book agent sellin' volyumes md tracks FIR
the diffusion NV knowledge, md, havin' got
the recommend ST the minister md Nv the
selectmen, he done an ALFRED Big bust
ness in our part Nv the county. His name
wuZ Lemuei Hlgsins, md he wuz ez likely
talker ez | ever heerd, barrln' LAWYER
Conkey, md every body allowed that when
Conkey wuz round be talked so fast that
the town pump I'd have to be creased every
twenty minutes.
One Nv the first Nv our folks that this
Lemuei higgins struck wuz Leander Ho-
bart. Leander had Jest mario one Nv the
Peasley girls, nd had moved into the old
homestead on the Plainville roa2-old Dea-
con Hobart havin' give up the place TO him,
the other boys havin' moved out West (hke
q lot o darned fools that they wuzD. Lee
ander wuz feelin' his oats jest about this
time md nuthin' WIZ too good FIR him.
''Hattiesr seq he, 81 guess I'll have TO lay
in a few books FIR readin' in the winter
tine, md I've half notion to subscribe FIR
a cyclopeedy. Mr.. Higgins here says they're
invalerable in a family, and that we orter
have 'em"
WAL, to make long story short, Lean
der bargained with Mr.. Higgins for set wv
them cyclopeedies, md he signed his name
70 long printed paper that showed how he
agreed to take a cyclopeedy oncet in so
often, which wuz TO be ez often ez new one
Nv the volumes WIZ printed a cyclopeedy
isn't printed all at oncet because that would
make it cost too much; consistently the man
that gets it up has It strung along fur apart,
so as to hit folks oncet every year or two,
ana gin rally about harvest time. So Lee
ander kind Nv liked the idee, and he signed
the printed paper md made his affidavit toit
afore ledge Warner
The fust volyume of the cyclopeedy stood
on a shelf IN the old seckertary in the set
tin room about four months before they
had any use FIR 1t One night Squire
Turner's son come over 90 visit Leander nd
Hattie, and they got TO talkin' about APP
pies, md the sort of apples that wuz the
best Leander allowed that the Rhode
Island greenin' wuz the best. but Hat
tie and the Turner boy stuck up FIR the
Roxbury russell until at last a happy
idee struck Leander, and SEE he: "We'u
leave it to the cyclopeedy, b. gosh! Which
ever one the cycIopeedy SEE is the best viii
settle it."
But you can't find out nothin' bout Rox-
bury russets nor Rhode Island greenln' In
our cyclopeedy,' seq Hattie.
"Why not, I'd like TO KNOWN SEE Leander,
kind Nv indignant like.
Cause ours hain't got down to the r
YETI seq Hattie "All ours tells about is
things beginnin' with A"
We'll, amt we talkin' about apples,"
SEE Leander. You aggervate me terrible,
Hattie, by insistin' on KNOWN what you
don't know nothin' bout"
Leander went 20 the seckertary nd TOOK
down the cyclopeeoy md hunted all through
it FIR spples, but all be could find WIZ ZAP
ple-See Pomology."
How in thunder kin | see Pomology,"
seq Leander, when there amt no Pomology
to see, Gpol durn a cyclopeedy, anyhow"'
And he put the volyume back onto the
shelf nd sever sot eyes into it agin.
That's the way the thing run FIR years
nd years. Leander would we gin I'D the
plaguey bargain. but he couldn't: he had
signed printed paper nd had swore TO it
afore a justice of the peace. Higgins
would have had the law en- him if he mad
-hrowed up the trade.
The most agservatin' feature NV it all
svuz that a new one of them cussed CYCLIC
Deedies wuz allus sure 10 show up at the
wrong time-wheu Leander wuz hard up or
had jest been afflicted some way or other.
His barn burnt down two nights afore the
rolyume containin' the letter B arrived and
Leander needed all his chink 10 pay FIR
lumber, but Higgins sot back on that afi
iavit and defied the life out NV him.
Never mind, Leander," seq his wife,
'oothin' ike. Its a good book TO have in
he house, anyhow, now that we've got
)aby.n
That's so,' seq Leander, "babies does
,egin with B, don't itl'
You see their fust baby had been born;
hey named HIM Peasley-Peasley Hobart
fter Hatue's folks. So, seem as how 1t
vuz payin' FIR book that told about babies,
.eander didn't begredge that five dollars
o very much, after all.
"Leander,' seq Hattie one forenoon,
that B cyclopeedy amt no account There
init nothin' in it about babies except See
WAL, I'll be gosh durnedr' seq lie
nder That wuz all he said and he couldn't
o nothin' at all. FIR the book agent, Lemuel
lggins, had the dead wood on hlu-the
,ean. sueakin' critterl
SO the years passed on-one Nv them
showin' up now nd then,
ometimes every two years md sometimes
very four, but allus at a time when Lee !
ader found it pesky hard to give up a flyer.
warn't no use cussin' Higgins; Higgins
Isl LATED when Leander allowed that the :
wuz no good nd that he WIZ :
ELM robbed Meantime Leander's family /.
Tuz increasin' and CROWN Little Sarey :
ad the hoopin' cough dreadful one winter, :.
Vt the cyclopeedy didn't help out al al. ),
'ause all it said wus: "Hoopin' Cough s
ee p" hoopIn' Cough''-and, Nv course, /
lere wsrn't no WhoSpiu' Cough to see, I
EN- as how the " hadn't come yeti %
Oncet when Hiram wanted TO dreeu the q
ome pasture be went to the cyclopeedy &c il
nd out about it. but all he diskiyered wuz: Y
Drain-See Tile" This was in 1889 an6 d
lie cyclopeeSy had only got down G. q
1 re cow wuz sick with lung fever one .,
'el and Leander laid her dvin, to that o