The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1889-06-29
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
President Gardner Formally Expels Brud.
der j. \. CanIf.

President Gardner Formally Expels Brud.
der j. X. CanIff.
CAR Brudder j. X. Caniff in de hall
tonight" blandly inquired the Presi.
dent as the meeting opened with the
mercury in the thermometer touching
the figures SO.
"Yes sah," was the prompt reply of
Brother Caniff as he rose up.
"Step dis way. please. 1 want to
hev few words of conversashun wild
you. How long since you jined to dis
club?"
1.-TWO Vars, sab"
Exactly. Bout three weeks arter
you jined l called at your house an
warned you to quit loafn' around sa-
looms" s..x..,..,>..,
"Y-yes, sab"
"a leetle later had to warn We dat
ye mus pay yer debts"
yes"
"Still furder on l was fo'ced to tell
We dat you didn't own de airth, as you
seemed to believe, an dat if you didn'
get down to work you'd har sunthin
drap."
"Yes." -:
Bout every two month TIE had to
talk wild you on dis matter or on dat,
an rze finally got tired of it. Two
weeks ago you went home drunk an
broke de stove wild an axe. tole We
mex day dat de climax wasn't fur off,
an now she's heah. You were drunk
agin las mite"
'Tze sorry, sab"
at ar too late. 1 reckon Cain was
sorry arter he killed Abel, but bein'
sorry didn' help de case any. Brother
Canitf, your name has been erased
from our books as a member, an you
kin take your hat an depart. You ar
no longer member of dis club.
Brother Caniff stood like one stunned
for moment, and then sank down in
heap on the floor. The committee on
cold storage were quietly ordered to
remove the remains, and when Caniff
recovered his senses he was lying on
pile of tin-scraps in the alley, with a
cold wave from Lake Huron stealing
up his spinal column.
AN OWNER WANTED.
1t has been year and half since
the last attempt was made to destroy
Paradise Hall, and the janitor had
passed from state OF mental anxiety
to serene repose, when he was rudely
awakened Friday afternoon by the
discovery that human hyenas were
again on the trail. Sometime between
Wednesday and Friday access was
gained to the hall by means of the
sky-light in the roof, and probably by
two or more fiends in human form.
Their great object was to destroy the
records and the museum; but as they
passed down the hallway and turned
to the right they encountered bear
trap No 1. Its jaws were wide open
and hungry. The villain in the lead
must have fairly stepped into it. and
he had the closest call of his life. AS
the jaws started to close he made
spring, and so close was his escape that
he left one of his boot-heels between
the jagged teeth. The incident no
doubt frightened the villains away at
once, as nothing was disturbed.
''Dis club will offer reward Of fifty
dollars fur de arrest of de pusson who
left dat heel behind" said Brother
Gardner, IAN if he ar caught we will
do our best to make him feel sorrowful
fur de mex ten vars of his life. I hev
ordered mo- b'ar-traps, an by to-nor-
rer noon dar will be fo'teen of 'em
guardin' dis hall. Fur de safety of
SIGH members as desiah to visit de
library, a, map will be issued, wild de
locashun of cherry trap indicated by a
black and blue spot. detroit free
Press.