Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1889-06-22

American Glrl-And i suppose he
friends will find her in q pawnshop be
fore the end of the honeymoon.-Jesoel
r's Weekly.
NEITHER SUITED.
Angry Husband-What I wanted wa
. wife who would be helpmeet.
Angry Wife-Huh! What I wantet
was q husband who would supply mea
to help.-New York Weekly.
CASE IN POINT.
Uncle Tom-Got anything to do to
morrow, JACKIE
Jack-Yes; I've got to 60 down town
to try case.
Uncle Tom-Then you've got ellen,
at lasta
Jack-Oh, this case isn't in court; it's
at wine merchant'a-LJe.
A YOUNG BARBARIAN.
Fond Mother-Tommy, darling, this
is your birthday! What would you like
best to doa
Tommy, Darling (after q moments
reflection II think should enjoy see
ing the baby spanked.-Paris Figaro.
AN UTTER FAILURE.
Habitual Nephew-Say, Harry, lend
me five can't you9
Harry (curtly)- oh, go soak your
head!
81. N. humbly)-Td be deuced glad,
but they won't give anything on it.
NOT PROFANITY.
Poseyboy-I am afraid shall have to
stop calling on you, Miss Travis.
Miss Travis-Why, pray2
Poseyboy-On account Of your parrot.
He is very profane.
Miss TraYis-That ism t profanity, you
goose. 1 am simply teaching him the
names of the latest German operas
Burlington Free Press.
ANEW EXPLOSIVE.
"Ah," sighed Jones. 81 suppose these
new explosives we read of are useful,
but have one which can blow up any
number of men at once and Immediately
be ready for another attack. I would
gladly dispose of it to any foreign gov
eminent, the more distant the better.
1 refer, gentlemen" he explained to the
interested crowd, ''to my wife. "-Epoch.
NOBLE GAME.
Gladys-I do wish Evander had
more courage.
Grace-You ought to have my Clar-
ence. I don't think he fears anything.
He even told me once he had been buck
ing the tiger.-BOst0n Herald.
LITTLE DICKS REPORT.
Little Mamma, that new doctor
across the way asked me who was our
family physician.
Mamma dear, we are never
sick, thank heaven, and We have not
one.
The new doctor next day)-Well, my
little fellow, did you find out the name
of your family physician9
Little Dick-We don't have one, and
we are never sick.-New York Weekly.
THE CRY Is STILL THEY CONE.
Still come the yarns by wire and mail
Ofmen a century old
Whose sight has not begun to fail,
Whose step is light and bold;
Who take their ten-mile morning walks,
Then nimbly dance a jig,
And split q cord of hickory blocks
While the wind blows through their wig.
-Oa City Blizzard.
A DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC.
Bixby-I say, old boy, wish you
would tell me who this letters from.
The fellow forgot to sign it.
Buxby (after adjusting his eye-glass)
-H'm! It's from our friend Dunkey.
Bixby-Ah! SO glad you recognize
the writing.
Buxby-But didn't.
Bixby-Eh9 How'd you tell2
Buxby-I recognized the spelling.
Bozar.
WHY HE BRAvED THE DANGER.
ssGoing to Oklahoma, are you9" said
one passenger on the train to another.
eyes, sir.
"Yo'ur foolish to do SO. There viii
not be enough land to supply half the
settlers"
$50 I've heard"
"And there's likely to be an awful lot
of shooting. Why, it's positively dan
gerous to 60"
eyes, I think you're right about it.
'sWell, then, why are you going2"
'1'm the agent Of coffin factory"
Chicago Nees.
BOTH OF THEM CONFUSED.
They were passing under the elevated
and the din overhead was
almost deafening.
s'This hustle makes my headache"
The said,
Probably" observed he, eff you
we're to wear q smaller one"
''Sn!" she Indignantly cried 81
mean the noise confuses me"
81 beg your pardon" stammered he.
II am confused to. Time.
he DID NOT KNOW THE MAN.
Americans who have visited Geneva
n Switzerland, will recall the Church
# st. Pierre, one of the oldest In En-
ope. Parts of the structure date back
thousand years. The edifice is to be
Enlarged and partially rebuilt at . cost