The morning news., 1889-04-14
BRIGHT BITs.

How long will our American girls continue 10
count on counts who don't count? There is
countless list of dupes already.-NeO York
Erening World.
THE sHAD was created for a purpose. and
that purpose was TO act as dump for all the
bones which could not be crowded behind the
gills Of every other variety OF fish.-Detroit
Free Press
IT WAS Nor THERE.-"Can you tell me where
! can find 'Rienzi's Addrossf" asked 9 young
lady OF q clerk In o Brooklyn bookstore.
Have you looked Ia ths directory he re-
plied.-HaTper's Bdzdr. NJ
How still Johnnie is" remarked Mrs.
Brown I'm afraid he must be up to some
mischief
"Ha. ha ~ laughed the old man. You think
it must be an Illicit still.'oEve,aino Sun.
ONLY ONCE, PLEAsE.-The Rev DR.. Alban
Cope (hrmiy, TO eloping couple} 1t is impossi
BILE, will not marry anybody iu Lent
Will Marigold (urgently For goodness sake,
doctor, can't you do it just this timer We
won't trouble you againN'-PHck.
AN EVIDENCE OF PRosPKRIrY Y-Yellowly-
think the Whiteleys must be In better circum-
stances than formerly.
Brownly-Ye4 Why do you think sog
Yelowly-They don't keep so many dogs as
they used to do.-BostOn Courier.
TEAcHER-It seems you are never able to an.
swer any Of my questions. How is this, my
little boy?
Little Johnnie-If knew the things you asked
me, ma'am, dad wouldn't go to the trouble of
sending me here.-Hdrper's Bdzdr.
MRs. BRIaos-You cant get em in the pen,
can you?
Mr. Briggs-No. The pesky little things.
Their they go again
"Thost pigs remind me of you, john"
because they'd rather run round everywhere
else sooner than go home. Chicago Herald
CURIo CookERY-New Boarder-It strikes me
these biscuits are tough.
Mrs. Bazoo (the landlady)-Young man,
made those biscuits, and I've made them be-
fore you were born.
New Boarder (unabashed)-I don't doubt IT,
ma am; but why don't you keep them In the
curio cabinet? Aren't you afraid somebody
might break themS-Drdke's Magazine.
No BELIEF IN SIGNs-Are you superstitious I,
asked Brown Of Tapely, the proprietor of big
dry goods establishment. in other words, do
you believe in signs -
Tapey-No, sir don't. Mr. Catchem, have
a notice put out that we are selling our winter
dress goods at less than cost. AL was about
to say, sir, do not believe in signs. They are
all humbugs and nonsense, sir.-Boston iran
script.
Too PRoFIcIENT-A chambermaid on the
lookout lr situation, applied to a certain Lady
do you know how TO do up the hair -
Certainly; in half an hour can do up the
most difficult frisures ever invented"
In half an hour, you say Then | am afraid
you won't suit me-for what am to do all the
rest Of the morning -Ffie0ends Blatter.
FEMININE PERvERsIrY. Aunt Betsy Il
wonder, James, at your encouraging young
Cadby to be so much with Madelinel He's a
bad match, and not . good fellow, / fear.
Papa-Confound him, mol I've given him
carte blanche to come whom he likes, and she's
getting rather tired OF him at last for I'm
always cracking him up!
Aunt Betsy-And that nice fellow, Good
enoughi He's never here nowf
Papa-No; I've forbidden him the house. and
won't even allow his maine to bs mentioned.
She's always thinking OF him in Consequence
I'm in hopes she'll marry him some day l-Nsp
York Graphic.