davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27

Old Lady-Little boy, what would
your father do if he should find you
smoking?
Little boy-He'd (puff) probably
lick me; this is (puff) one his cigars.
Once a Week.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27

WV
MICH, WEDNES
WIT AND HUMOR.
An occasion for deep thought
when a man falls into a well.-Terre
Haute Express.
1t takes a girl long time to rest
when her lover is sitting beside her
on the sand.-Judge.
None of our Atlantic liners can be
called sea fortresses, but most of them
carry a good strong-hold.-Ex.
Next to waiting for a verdict the
most soul-harrowing employment is
keeping the baby asleep.-Ex.
The rapid passage of a steamer de-
pends not only OH the working of
its screw, but on the working of its
crew.-Ex.
1t is hard to tell at this time of the
year whether a man has care on his
mind or piece of mince pie in his
tomach.-Ex.
Lots of men complain because they
are in debt, and a'great many more
because they can't get that way
Merchant Traveller.
We have often heard of "storm a
brewing" but didn't care for the liq-
uor it brewed. This is line for the
iokist to brood over.-Ex.
Two of the greatest arts in the
world are to keep polish on a silk
hat and off the shoulders Of a frock
coat.-San Francisco Wasp.
A vessel resembles prisoner when
she is put in dock, witness when
she is bound to a-pier and Judge
when she makes her trial trip.-Ex.
The name Vanderbilt appeared in
contemporary the other day with a
little "v". We thought everybody
knew that Vanderbilt was a capital
ist. st.-Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Old Lady-Little boy, what would
your father do if he should find you
smoking?
Little boy-He'd (puff) probably
lick me; this is (puff) one his cigars.
Once Week.
Question-Is it proper to give ones
photograph to stranger
Answer-You can't always help
yourself. If the stranger is the chief
of police and wants it for the rogues'
gallery you must submit.-Siftings.
"In what condition was the Patri-
arch Job at the end of his life ?" ask
ed Camden Sunday school teacher
of quiet looking boy at the foot of
the class.
Dead" calmly replied the quiet
looking boy.-Ex.
"What is a man-of-war said
teacher to his class.
"a cruiser" was the prompt reply.
"What makes it go?"
ats screw, sir"
"Who go with it p
ats crew, sir."-Ocean.
Omaha man-How ridiculous this
faith cure craze is?
Noted physician-Well, | don't
know about that. I've seen a good
many people cured by faith.
Ehi Faith in the Lord ?
No. Faith in mex.
l say, jenkins, can you tell young
tender chicken from an old tough one?
Of course | can.
Well, how?
BY the teeth.
Chickens have no teeth.
No, but have.-Puck.
Literary Aspirant-Were you able
to use my poem, sir!
Editor-Yes, sir.
Oh, 1 am delighted to know it.
When did it appear9
1t didn't appear; it disappeared
l used it to light cigar.-Ex.
Visitor-"Where is Mr.. Moneygrab
this evening ?"
Young Mrs. Moneygrab (who did
not marry for love)-"At divine wor-
ship, i presume"
Visitor-"I supposed he would be
at his counting room, if anywhere"
Mrs. Moneygrab-"Yes, that's what
| said. ."-Ex.
Frjend-How do you like your new
beat, Mike?
Policeman-No good at all. at all.
What's the matter? There isn't
one arrest here in year.
Oi know it, me boy. But there
isn't saloon for half mile !-Sift-
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27

"What is man-of-war ?" said a
teacher to his class.
"a cruiser" was the prompt reply.
"What makes it goY"
ats screw, sir"
"Who go with t?'
ats crew, sir."-Ocean.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27

Question-Is it proper to give ones
photograph to a stranger
Answer-You can't always help
yourself. If the stranger is the chief
of police and wants it for the rogues'
gallery you must submit.-Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27

"In what condition was the Patri-
arch Job at the end of his life ?" ask
ed Camden Sunday school teacher
of quiet looking boy at the foot of
the class.
Dead" calmly replied the quiet
looking boy.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27

Omaha man-How ridiculous this
faith cure craze is?
Noted physician-Well, don't
know about that. I've seen good
many people cured by faith.
Eth : Faith in the Lord ?
No. Faith in mex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27


Robert" said the father, sternly,
"don't ever let me hear of your going
to the closet again for cake"
"It wasn't my fault"
"Not your fault?
"No; If ma hadn't told you you
wouldn't have heard of it."-Utica
Observer.
"What wonderful painter Rubens
was !" remarked Merritt at the art
gallery.
"Yes," assented Cora. at is said
of him that he could change a laugh
ing face into sad one by single
stroke"
"Why," spoke up little Johnnie in
deep disgust, "my school teacher can
do that."--Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
"The Niagara Falls Route"

Time Card in Effect.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1889-02-27

The rotunda of the Windsor Hotel
in Montreal presented a strange sight
to the two gentlemen from Chicago on
the night of their arrival there. Such
sight could probably be seen in no
other place in the world. Everybody
seemed to be in snow shoe costume,
and some even had on their snow shoes
and went clamping awkwardly over
the tiled pavement in this foot gear
which, however useful on the snow
fields, seemed somewhat uncouth in a
big hotel. A dozen clubs we're repre-
sented with dozen different costumes
some like the rainbow in color, others
almost pure white but with dash of
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
Disarming an Unseen Foe.

"This was sometime a paradox" as
Hamlet says. Since, however, the
people of America and other lands
have been enabled to pit Hostetter's
Stomach Bitters against that unseen
toe, malaria, 1t is no longer paradox,
but an easy possibility. Wherever
malaria evolves it's misty venom to
poison the air, and decaying
unwholesome vegetation impreg-
mates the water, there in
the very stronghold Of miasma,
is the auxiliary potent to disarm
the foe and assure efficient protection.
Fever and ague, bilious remittent,
dumb ague and ague cake, no matter
how tenaciously they have fastened
their clutch on the system, are first
forced to relax their grasp and even
tually to abandon it altogether. But
it is its preventive force that should
chiefly recommend the Bitters to per-
sons dwelling in malaria-cursed local
tiles, for it is certain buckler of de-
fence against which the enemy is
powerless. Cures, likewise, dyspep-
STA, rheumatism, kidney and bilious
ailments.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
TOURISTS,

Whether on pleasure bent or bust
ness, should take on every trip bot
tie of Syrup of Figs, as it acts most
pleasantly and eftectually on the kid
neys, liver and bowels, preventing
fevers, headaches and other forms of
sickness. For sale in SOC. and S1.0O
bottles by all leading druggists. 1y
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
CAUTION TO MOTHERS.

Every mother is cautioned against giving
her child laudanum or paregoric; it creates an
unnatural craving for stimulants which kills
the mind or the child. Acker's Baby SOother
is specially prepared to benefit children and
cure their pains. 1t is harmless and contains
no Opium or Morphine, Sold by Ragland x
Shackner. (6)
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
Merit Wins.

We desire to say to our citizens, that for
ears we have been selling DR.. Ki ng's New
Discovery for Consumption DR.. Kings New
Life Pills, Bucklen'S Arnica Salve and
Electric BitteTs, and have never handled
remedies that sell as well or that have
given such universal satisfaction. We do
not hesitate to guarantee them every time,
and we stand ready to refund the purchase
price, if satisfactory results do not follow
their use. These remedies have won their
great popularity purely on their merits.
Dreiss, Thompson Il Co., Druggists. HIT
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
What Are we Here For.

Only to look up bargains.in real estate, look
at the following:
1000 acres, improved, only miles from city:
permanent water, plenty of timber and grass,
only SIP per acre. -
IS acres adjoining the Fair.Ground, 800 per
acre.
1000 acres all fenced, so feet water river front,
$225 per acre.
AZ acres in West End addition at at a bar
gain.
100 Leagues of Mexican land at As cents per
acre.
8 small houses in center of city, from $3.50
to $500
Property on Commerce, Houston street and
PlaZas at bargains. Beautiful residences very
low at One-third cash Good business proper
ty and houses to rent.
Nice cottage of rooms, gallery and large
stable, city water, near S, S. shops, only $780,
One third cash. and SIS per month. 1923
HAMILTON, HADLEY & Co.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23

The TIMES of yesterday evening
following the lead of the Express,
says:
Paul Fricke, the newly appointed
successor of United States Marshal
Rankin, does not seem to be known
in his own ballwick. No one could
be found here yesterday who had ever
heard of him. The republicans them
selves never knew him."
THE LIGHT of last evening con-
tanned sufficient information concern
ing Mr.. Fricke, to utterly disprove all
such assertions as the above. The at
tempt of the democratic press of this
city to convey the impression that
President Harrison has picked up a
nobody and made him marshal of
west Texas won't win, and the at.
tempts of unfriendly republicans tC
belittle him, will not pan out much
better.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
DR.. WASSERZUG, DALLAS, TEXAS.

All Private Matters Cured! Prompt attention
is given to all correspondence. State symD-
toms and medicine will be sent c. o. ID. every
where. DR.. Wasserzug is regular graduate
of q years practice. diploma in Office on all
sexual, nervous, and chronic diseases)
Four wears residence in Dallas
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
To Young and Middle Aged Men.
SURE CURE.

The awful effect Of early vice, which brings
organic weakness. destroying both mind and
body with it's direful ills,
Permanently Cured!
Papitatlon of the heart, timidity, trembling,
forgetfu lness, lack of IDEAS sadness of spirits,
ugly imaginings, dislike to social life and
broOding melancholy. MARRIED MEN, or
those entering on the happy life, aware of
ply steal debility, eXcitability of the nerves,
organic diminuuon, or other Irregularities
quickly assisted. NO MINERALS USED !
Young people losing their health and spend
ing time with those unskiled and unqualified,
causing fatal disorders to the head, throat,
nose, liver and lungs. stomach and bowels
speedily cured. Let not false mOdesty deter
you from calling at once on
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23

JIM. Hill contempIates producing
an American opera at the Union
Square theatre in June, and in July
will put on high-class variety show.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1889-03-23
AUSTIN LETTER.

A Review of the BeneYoienceS o.
the Church--Some moral.
Reflections.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
Earthing up Celery.

Several kinds of vegetables are not
catable without undergoing the process
Of bleaching, which takes away an as
tringent taste that plants exposed to
the full sun and air haye, Some
plants, like the cabbage and lettuce, in
the formation Of the heads perform
this part without any aid from the
grower. Even the caulihower, by its
leaves bending over the flower part,
performs the same duty, which, how
ever, tho grower will often aid by bend
ing back and half breaking the leaf,
which is for the same purpose. The
sea kale and CARTOONS are also useless
for the table without this process of
bleaching; but as neither are cultivated
to any extent in this country, they are
of no moment to this inquiry.
This process Of bleaching renders the
plant more susceptible of injury-more
tender than when growing in its natu-
raj state; hence the bleaching is done
just before the plant is to be used for
table or market. In the hot summer
months, when growth is rapid, bleach
ing is very quickly performed ii the
plant is deprived of light, whereas, to-
wards fall. it takes double the time.
In the depth of winter, with soil little
above freezing, the process is slower,
yet takes all the winter, sometimes,
to thoroughly bleach. At this time
OF the year, couple of weeks will be
sufficient; in the fall the same result
will take a month. Once bleached, it
is best marketed or used, if possible, as
the danger Of rust is considerable, by
that thoroughly blesched. This is the
reason why gardeners do not earth up
beyond sufficient to keep the stalks
from spreading, until two or three
weeks before wanted.
As celery is now grown mostly in a
few places, and shipped all over the
country, every means is used to cheaper
the cost of production. and the pillow
and horse Goes, to considerable extent,
what used to be done by the spade and
hand. Ten to twenty cents dozen is
now the common price of celery, where
formerly it was twenty to forty cents.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
Rive for Pasturage.

Rye sown in September will make
during the autumn enough grazing to
be profitable, This grazing has au
extra value because it comes when
other green feed is very scarce. The
rye may be grazed during the winter
when not buried by snow, and pasturing
on it may begin early in spring and
C continue until the last of May, when
the ground can be broken and put in
corn, A better crop of corn will be
grown than if the rye had not been on
the ground. Or the rye may be pas.
tured until June Is, and the animals
taken off, when it will set considerable
grain. The Lard may then be put in
turnips. Rye used in this way makes
enough feed to pay well for the use Of
the land, and also purifes ard recu-
perates the ground. 1t can be used to
especial advantage in corners cut by
creeks, or otherwise 80 formed hat
cultivation is difficult.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
THE Household.
Seasonable Recipes.

BREAD OMELET.-Put into stew
pan teacupful of bread crumbs, one
teacupful of cream, one tablespoonful
of butter, with salt, pepper aud nut
meg; when the bread has absorbed the
cream, work in two beaten eggs; beat
them little with the mixture; fry on
an omelet pan, and roll up.
Ice CREAM CAKE.-Make a sponge
cake; bake it in layers of one-half inch
thick; let them get quite cold. Beat a
pint of thick, sweet cream, till it is
very stiff; make very sweet and favor
with vanilla; blanch and chop pound
of almonds, stir them lightly into the
cream, and put this very thick between
the layers.
ROLLED BEEFsTEAK Mako drcs-
sing of cup Of fine bread crumbs, an
ounce OF minced salt pork, sage, salt
and pepper, and mix we'll with a table.
spoonful Of melted butter. Lay two
pounds of round steak on board, trim
off the fat, and with chopping knife
cash the upper surface, but do not cut
through. Spread the dressing on this
side, roll up like jelly cake and fasten
with skewers. Lay over few thin
slices of salt pork and lay in saucepan
little chopped onion and caraot, cover
with pint of water to which has been
added salt and little vinegar. Sim
mer until very tender, probably three
hours. Lay in baking pan, dredge
with -four, and brown quickly. Strain
and thicken the gravy and pour over
| the meat.
APPLE PUDDINa.-A very nice pud
ding is made from stale cake and stew.
ed apples. either fresh or dried. Crum-
BILE The cake and put thick layer in q
outtered pudding dish, add layer Of
slowed apples and add another of cake
crumbs. For quart dish Of this mix
turc, beat the yolks Of two eggs and
the white Of one with pint of milk
and three tablespoontuls Of sugar; pour
over the cake and apples and bake
thirty minutes, Draw to the oven
door and cover with a meriague made
from the white Of the egg beaten with
sugar.
DEvILED FIsH.-Half q pound of
any cold, boiled, faaky fish; shred fne.
Mix one tablespoonful OF flour with a
little mix and stir it into a gill Of boil
ing milk; add dessertspoonful Of tut.
ter, and remove from the fire. Pour
over the fish; add also two yolks o! h ard
boiled eggs mashed 6ne, tablespoon
full of finely minced parsley, AMI salt
and cayenne pepper to taste. Fill clean
scallop shells with the mixture, brush
over with beaten egg, cover with
crumbs and brown.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
The Farm.
Farmers, Gdrdners, HoYtHaHurists,
GARY and StockHem are requested to
write for this department.
Seed Wheat.

"Shrunken" wheat is not necessarily
the product Of weak plant sor often
er than otherwise plant of more than
average thrift bears shrunksn grains.
Some soils. particularly the black
prairie soils, are rich in the elements
that form the plant, but hek those
which round out the grain. On such
soils there ia much straw and light
yield of grain often "shrunkcn." In
other cases the shrunken grains are
caused by circumstances other than the
condition of the plant. Very unfavor-
able weather when the grams are form
ing will prevent their rounding out. If
plump grain always came from vigorous
plants and shrunken grains from weak
ly ones, sowing shrSnken grain would
be Objectionable, for the reason that it
would be likely to PRODUCE weakly
plants. The causes which prevent the
grain from rounding out often affect
the vigor Of the germ; and unless the
conditions are exceptionally favorable,
considerable per cent of the seed will
fail to germinste. The starch in the
grain is put there to sustain and build
up the young plant until it cSn expand
its foliage above groond. II the grain
is very much ahrauken, shis supply Of
starch will not be sufficient for the need
of the plant. While shraiken wheat
can be bought at lower price pei
bushel, and while bashol & it viii
contain a greater number Of grains
using it for seed Is not economical.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
A Prophesy.

Was Abraham Lincoln an inspired
prophet? 1t would sem not unlike it,
in view of the strides that trusts, op-
pressive monopolies, syndissAes, ct al.
have made in the last few years, The
following Language is accredited to him
by the Rural World.
''Yes We may congratulate ourselves
that this cruel war is nearly to close.
1t has cost vast amount of treas ure
and blood. The best blood Of the flower
of American youth has been freely
offered uponsour country's altar, that
a nation might live. 1t has been, in.
deed, a tryihg hour for the Republic,
but l see in the near future crisis
approaching that unnervss me-, and
causes me to tremble for tie safety Of
our country. As result a the war,
corporations have been enthroned, and
an era OF cdHsuption in high places will
follow, and the money power of the
country will endcavor to prolong its
region by working upon the preiudices
of the people until all wealth is aggre-
gated in few hands, and the Repub-
lie is destroyed. l feel at this NOM
ent more anxiety for the safety of my
country than ever before, even in the
midst of the war. God grant that my
suspicious may prove groundless."
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
An Outlaws Dumb ricl.cssL

There lives in q wilderness section
OF this (Columbia) county hermit.
Ho has welded a destructive knife
and revolver in half score Of trage-
dies and is constantly on the alert,
expecting to he assassinated. This
man, who has forfeited the compan-
ionship OF mankind, ia guarded by
animals that arc well trained watch
men. He has magic control OF the
brute creation, and owns six largo
goats aud all equal number OF dogs
His lonely cabin stands in the middle
OF a fifteen acre field. When he goes
TO blowing three OF the dogs arc ploc-
cd at each side OF the field at his rows
end. Tho dogs are trained to patrol
the adjacent forest, and 10 husnan be-
ing can approach without being OK
posed by these vigilant sentries.
AT night the dogs and goats lie
about tho cabin-the goats without
the yard inclosuro and tho dogs with
in. When any human being ap-
proaclics these goats set up an M
earthly series OF blcating. The dogs
within understand the signal and rush
furiously at the intruder. Armed to
the teeth the proprietor halls the visit
tor. II found to be friend one word
from tie hermit silences both goats
and dogs and the guest Is invited in.
Thus guarded tho desperate man says
he sleeps moro securely than the car,
because, unlike the imperial cohorts
OF tho latter, his faithful sentinels can
not be bribed or otherwise rendered
unsafe by COLLISION with their owners
enemies.-Magnolia (Ark) Cor. At
lanta Constitution.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
Epoch.

The transition from long, lingering
snd painful sickness to robust health
marks an epoch In the life of the indi-
vidual. Such a remarkable event is
treasured in the memory and the agency
whereby the good health has been
attained is gratefully blessed. Hence
it is that SO much is heard in praise of
Electric Bitters. So many feel they
owe their restoration to health, to the
use of the great alternative and tonic.
II you are troubled with any disease of
kidneys, liver or stomach, of long or
short standing you will surely find re-
lief by use of Electric Bitters. Sold
at 60c. and 81. per bottle at L, R.
Kinks drug store.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20
Riding Turtle Back,

One principal difference between a
wise man and fool Is that a wise
man knows how 70 adapt himself 10
circumstances What shall be said,
then. Of a frog OF which The Hartford
Courant tells this storyl
At a Mulberry street restaurant q
large green turtle and frog are in
males Of the fountain, tank.
A frog cannot always remain under
water, and there is no chance for the
fellow in question TO reach landing
place on the side OF the tank; but he
has discovered that the top OF the tur-
ties back is out Of the water, except
when tho turtle dives. 80 be mounts
the back and rides around the tank
with an air Of owning the whole bust
ness
When the turtle goes under, he
swims around until the back comes TO
the surface again, when he again
mounts and continues his trip. lis a
funny sight.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1889-09-20

The September number of Straw-
bri3ye &c ClOthier's Monthly is of es-
peciaI interest to the ladies. The front.
ispiece is an exceedingly fine repro.
iuction from Photographic group Of
the cast of the Greek play of Antiyone,
as presented by the women students Of
Swarthmore College. Frank Darling
relates mock sentimental experience,
called, "Cousin Weezie;" and Besant's
Bell of St. Paul's grows more interest.
ing. September fashions for the fem.
ininc portion of the household are
fully delineated. There is the usual
variety Of miscellaneous matter, iuclud-
ing kitchen news and two pieces of in.
music. In addition TO all
of which priced bulletin Of dry goods
is given, to enable out.oftown folks to
shop by mail. Subscription price is
so cents year; single numbers, FIVE
cents.