The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1889-04-26
PURPORTS TO BE FUNNY.
Bad Company.

Bad Company,
| loungblood-l suppose you meet some
pretty hard characters in your BUSINESS
ao 81 should say so! / dined with
uUHen men Today who have been in every
p'I2om ahd almshouse in the state.
vo not th (aghast) -Great Scott Who
| LopDyist-The legislative committee or
A Mine of Material.
MIS-. Vullipen-"Mv dear, | notice that
VINE. whenever you open the paper nowadays YOU
turn to the jokes first?,
book on 1.-The vestiges of Ant d Mris'', nnd
nave TO Keep constantly on the lookout for
ihateriai.-lB Burlington Free Press.
Force of Habit.
Congressman-It affords me Measure. Mr..
ScrlDDleum, TO present you this commission
| as postmaster. l have brought il TO Won nv.
self as little surprise.
Editor Scribbleum-Col. Greathead, you
nave, indeed, taken me by surprise and
placed me under infinite obiiga What. is
| the blamed document rolled? Sir, reject it.
l-[Chicas0 Tribune.
| Fortunate Father and Son,
81 am as certain as l now live." says G. f.
Bartholomew, of Kalkaska, Mich, "that DR..
David Kennedy's Favorite Remedy, of Ron.
dout, N. Y. saved my life when l was a vic
tim of that terrible renal ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
disease. My son had fever sore on his leg
He, too, used Favorite Remedy, and is now
well. But for this medicine am sure both
father and son would have been six feet
under the sod.-adv.
At the Operetta.
DR.. Hope-Those girls march in excellent
time.
lie Bloke-Yes, they have clocks on their
stockings, don't you know?-[Town Topics.
Travis-"Does Miss Popipjay's father wear
felt shoes.
De Smith with panied expression 30
should say he did"-GBurlinsto Free
Press.
Visitor-"Is the editor IMP"
Office boy-"No, he is away for couple of
weeks; but gentleman is taking his place."
Visitor - "Indeed! Quite an agreeable
change, ism t itE'-[B Burlington Free Press.
Don't Read This for $500.
For many years, through nearly every
newspaper in the land. the proprietors of
DR.. Sage's Catarrh Remedy, who are thor
oughy responsible, financially, AS any one can
easily ascertain by enquiry, have offered, in
good faith, a standing reward of $500 for a
case of nasal catarrh, no matter how bad. or
of how long standing, which they cannot
cure.
Squeezed Through.
George-Won't you be mine dear?
Clara-I think | should have to be hard
pressed indeed, to take you.
George equal to the emergency)-Oh, If
that's all, here goes Munsey's Weekly.
Did the Young Man Kiss Her?
"Bessie, do those pigs in the clover squeal?'
''Squeal, papa"
eyes. heard some squealing in the parIor
last night, and thought it might be the pigs
in the clover."- Chicago Herald.
Disgusting Drugs.
Blue-mass for torpid liver. castor oil for
other disgusting drugs TOR piles.
dyspepsia, and sick-headache are being surely
banished from use by the sweet, fruit-like
HAMBURG FIGS. % cents. Mack Drug
Co.. N. Y. Sold by all Druggists.-adv.
Uncle Berkshire-"Heow much be that
watch?' Forty dollars" Uncle Berkshire
En- that smaller oneY' Jeweler-"Fifty |
dollars" Uncle Berkshire" En- the smallest
one" Jeweler-" Seventy-fye dollars" "Un.
Gle Berk shire-"Gosh, mister! How much is
no watch ?"-[ jewelers. Weekly.
The bicycler may not hive much ready
money, but he frequently comes down with
The DUST Burlington Free Press.
SIS your new typewriter pretty. George"
mo. dear. she is as ugly as stump fence.
She's red haired, cross eyed and freckled-a
perfect fright"
II want $40 for a new spring bonnet this
morning. Shall call at the ice for it ?'
mo. / guess not. I've got it with me.
There 1t is. Get nice one.-[Chicago Her.
"You say you never had any gyInnastic
raining and never took part In n contest of
his Kind before" ..Never.o mo1estIv re-
lied the man who had just won the cbampi
nship in high leapng match. but there's
o secret about ii. live on a street where
&c grocers Keep most of their stock out on
ne sidewalk In 'front.' Chicago Tribune
Don't Give Up r
ecause you feel blue and are troubled with that |
req ana aii-gone feeling. DO as did. use !
title of sulphur Bitters il will make Won feel !
re new person; 1t did me.
JENNIE HOLMES, 354 fremont street, Boston. :.
Eansonice-''How did Highboy's wedding d
OFF, b
Laisey-.'FIrst rate. with the exception of v
e little hitch in the proceedings, G
Eausonice-"What was that"' =
Laisey-"Some miserable scamp left pigs h
clover In the robing room. and it took the I,
xton and two ushers TO get the minister h
I'll Burlington Free Press. al
First little girl-Do you live in a nat? | b
ought they didn't take children in flats .,
NV did you get ins ~
Secon little girl was horned in-TPuck n
rhey the only reliable painkilling pla sters 50
own-soothing and s'rengihening-the Hop =,
isfs~s.-Rdv. al
+. What has become of your browning soci. IL
:, Miss Wabashy' asked a New York gen. SO
man CT Chicago girl. SO
'Oh. Browning is in the soup. and we are w.
ing for Goethe now.--FNew York sun. Is
N the parlor at II 30. Miss Beach (sup- fin
sssing a yawn)-0hi j had forgotten. / ssu
ar you have been elected president of the ~
riy Closing Club. Mr.. Dobson-Yes, we NJ
mt the stores to close up saturdays at ",
lock. You're in favor of early closing. of be
irse. Miss Beach. Miss Beach (failing 10 a $
,press a yawn)-Oh. YES: oil course An os
a suddenly occurs to DobsOn. who j. by on
means stupid. and he hurriedly takes his ~ ~,
ye.-[Chicago Herald. RI,
lamp clerk Cat postofiice window -You,u ali
'e TO pay letter postage on this package. Re
firsf-elass matter. wa
'erseyering author (about 10 send his man. Il {
ript on its seventh trial trip)-Ab. thanl boo
!. Couldn't YOU get position as editor