Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1889-02-18

Wool triumphed this year, but in the
long run it will be worsted.
A touching sight-A small boy investi-
eating newly painted door.
A machine for pressing hops has been
invented. America is the home of the
oppressed.
George, dear, what kind of fruit is
borne by an electric-light piant?" ''Elec-
trio currents, of course
The difference between man and a
yacht is, the latter can go on a tack with
out swearing and the former can not.
Figures never lie, but under skilful man
ipulation they may be induced to prevari-
cate to an extent that answers the pur
pose.
An exchange says: Nobody knows
where the flies go to-" Perhaps not; but
we know where people tell them to go to,
though.
A medical journal tells people chow to
catch Il cold,' but what they want to
know is how to prevent a cold from catch
ing them.
There are two periods in a woman's
life when she does not like to talk.
When one is we never knew, and the 9th
er we have forgotten.
A good many fables begin with "Once
on a time" Oddly enough, too, when
married men have once been on a time
they are apt to invent fables.
A man having bought 1000 Havana CT
CARS was asked what he was carrying.
''Tickets to a course of lectures to be
given by my wife," he replied.
Emma ''Reggy, darling, when we are
married, you will not smoke in the house,
will you?" Reggy mo, love; the fellows
will expect me at the club, you know"
An embarrassed young bridegroom hav-
ing but little money, handed the clergy
man a small fee, and remarked, Il hope
to give you more the next time"
Doctor-Well, my dear sir, what seems
to be the seat of your disease? Patient
1t doesn't seem to have any seat, doctor.
It's jumping up and down all the while"
engaged in making counterfeit money!"
Prisoner: eyes, your honor; you see the
supply of the genuine article is so very,
very short
'sHello!' shouted one boy to another,
who was running wildly along the street,
''are you training for racer" mo"
cried back the flying boy, Il am racing
for a train
Professor-Gr please take the
cat out of the room. | can not have it
making such noise while 1 am at work.
Where is it? Gretchen-Why, Professor!
You are sitting on it, sir"
1t was when the late Prof. Proctor was
an English school examiner that a little
girl defined the difference between man
and a brute as follows: "A brute is an
imperfect beast. Man is perfect beast"
biggest of those trout" said citizen to
the fish dealer. Eyes, and then I'll go
home ard tell my wife l caught 'em.
may be poor fisherman but IN no liar"
Il can't imagine how you can dislike
work; to me it's real enjoyment" said
the father to his lazy son. eyes, pa,
was the guileless response, 'but l don't
want to give myself wholly up to pleas
ure"
A Scot, being shown Niagara, was ask
ed if he had ever seen aught so beautiful
and strange. He replied, "Weel, for
bonny, I'll no say; but, ell, mon, for
queer, 1 ance saw a peacock wi wooden
leg at PEBBLES"
In railway carriage-An old soldier,
noticing that his pipe troubled lady, said
to her, ''They don't smoke in your regi-
ment, maam?'' ''In my regiment, it is
possible, replied the lady. "but in my
company, never.
gentleman observed his little son at
tentively studying a map of the world.
'sWhat place are you looking for, Wille?"
he inquired. The small boy knit his brow
and travelled circutous route with his
forefinger before he answered earnestly,
'sTwyn' to find Christendom"